-Hi, guys.
Welcome to "The Tonight Show:
At Home Edition."
I hope everyone is staying at
home safe and healthy.
Thank you so much
for watching our show.
We have a great show tonight.
We have -- Chelsea Handler
is on the show tonight.
-Did I draw that?
-Yep, you drew that.
Thank you very much.
Chelsea Handler,
who has one of the best lines
you'll hear later on tonight.
She's like,
"I don't like FaceTime."
She goes,
"FaceTime is not for adults.
The whole reason
I didn't have kids
is so I wouldn't
have to FaceTime."
Anyways, Chelsea Handler --
that's her charity
she's working with, Jersey.
New Jersey is having
some tough times right now,
so we're sending our thoughts
out to New Jersey.
And we're going to get some help
for you guys tonight.
Also, Kelly Clarkson.
Oh, my gosh.
She hosts her own talk show.
She's doing it from home.
She's on "The Voice."
And she has a new song out right
now in five different languages.
Feedingamerica.org
is her charity.
We love Kelly Clarkson.
And then we're closing out the
show with Michael McDonald,
who's going to do
one of his classics
and a song I think
fits perfectly
for quarantine time right now.
Whyhungry.org is his charity.
We love you, Michael McDonald.
[ As McDonald ]
♪ We love you ♪
[ Normal voice ] We started
this yesterday, guys,
but our friends over at T-Mobile
really stepped it up.
They're doing a thing with
Girls & Boys Club
so that front-line and
healthcare workers
get some child-care
during this time right there.
So if you text "thanks"
to 50555,
it will be a $5 donation
going right into
Boys & Girls Club for the
special COVID-19 Relief Fund.
And T-Mobile said
they will match up to
$400,000 in donations,
so that is awesome.
Thank you.
And it could be any carrier,
by the way.
Doesn't have to be T-Mobile.
If you have whatever,
just text "thanks" to 50555,
and it'll be great.
Franny, are you cozy?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Are you cozy?
-I'm going to
put down my blanket.
I'm going to go under --
-Do you have a blue tongue?
Let me see your tongue.
What is going on?
Where did you go?
-Dark, light.
Dark, light.
-Dark and light.
Okay, very good.
Long day of homeschooling.
Let's do a monologue, everybody.
Here we go.
♪♪
Okay, ready for the monologue?
Are you going to laugh?
-This is the...
-Oh, my God.
What is this character?
You don't smile like that.
That's how you smile?
By not smiling?
Oh, my goodness. Alright.
Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
Oh, by the way, I will say,
Dude Perfect
is on the show tonight.
We're going to do something
fun with those guys.
We love Dude Perfect.
Thank you for that.
And before we do the monologue,
I just want to thank my wife,
who I love so much.
I could not do any of this
without you.
You're the greatest.
-I love you, too.
-I love you so much.
My wife, who's not
number one with technology.
She's -- You know,
it's not on her list
of things that
she wants to get into.
Anyways, she was trying
to help me out
because we're doing a bit for
this giant relief concert
that's happening this Saturday.
And, so, I wanted to see if
I can get an earpiece.
And so Nancy thought maybe if
I painted the Air--
my AirPod brown that it would --
It would blend in with my ear,
thinking that
it goes up into my hair,
but AirPods go down.
So she goes,
"Oh, that didn't work."
So then she painted it.
She wanted to
paint it skin color.
So these are my AirPods.
This is what they look like now.
So no one can tell that
I'm wearing an AirPod.
So thank you, honey.
You were like --
Can you tell that I'm wearing
an earpiece, Winnie?
-Yeah.
-What?
-It's right there.
-Where?
-Yeah, thank you.
-Where is it?
-Where is it?
-Oh.
-No, I don't see it.
♪♪
Alright, guys,
welcome to "The Tonight Show:
At Home Edition."
Well, guys,
this is very interesting.
Satellite photos show
that the Earth
has been thriving since people
have had to stay inside.
Damn, it's like we broke up
with Earth,
and now it's coming back
with its revenge body.
Some sports news.
The PGA Tour announced that
golf will return in June,
but without any fans.
I know I'll be watching,
mostly to hear
all the caddies sing
"Happy Birthday" twice
while using the ball washer.
Of course, people who love to
gamble on sports
are also thrilled,
but they also were like,
"Hey, how much
you want to bet
it gets pushed back to July?"
So, today is
National Librarian Day.
Man, between National Librarian
Day and golf coming back,
this is a huge day for
people who love whispering.
I read that Facebook
will start alerting users
if they've interacted with
coronavirus misinformation.
Yeah, apparently, they send
you a message that says,
"You've signed into Facebook."
Listen to this.
The C.E.O. of
the company that makes
"Call of Duty" and
"World of Warcraft"
gave out his personal phone
number to 10,000 employees
to help them
through the pandemic.
When I heard that,
I was so inspired.
That's why, today,
I gave all my employees
that C.E.O.'s phone number,
as well.
Experts are saying,
although it's difficult,
you should try to consume
healthy, mood-boosting foods
instead of comfort food.
I'm trying my best.
That's why for lunch,
I stuck a walnut inside
my tray of Totino's pizza rolls.
You get the surprising nut roll.
Some TV news.
Earlier tonight,
ABC aired a special called
"The Disney Family Singalong."
Yeah. And this makes sense,
especially when it was
sponsored by Excedrin, Advil,
and Jack Daniel's.
[ Laughs ]
I heard about a man in Michigan
who broke a record
for the most shots from behind
the backboard in one minute.
And if you missed it,
don't worry --
ESPN will be airing it on a loop
for an entire week.
And, finally,
I read about a couple
that named their baby Sanitizer
because of the pandemic.
Yeah, in a few years,
he'll be in preschool with
Sourdough, Zoom Potato,
and Joe Exotic Jr.
That is our monologue,
everybody.
Thank you very much.
It is time for "Hashtags"!
♪♪
Alright, it's time for
"Hashtags," everybody.
We send out a hashtag
every week on the socials
and we ask you guys
to respond back.
So, our theme this time is
"Quarantine a TV Show."
And my example was,
"The Face-Masked Singer."
There you go.
Can you hold that?
-Uh-huh.
-Alright, here we go.
That was the first one.
Alright, so, let's start off.
These are "Hashtags:
Quarantine a TV Show."
This one is from @Katie --
Oh, from @Kattfunny.
She said,
"Everybody Loves Ramen."
Here you go.
This one's from @Kyleshamorian.
Oh, yeah.
He put "Baking Bad."
That's probably
a banana-bread reference.
Here, you want to hold this one?
-Yeah.
-Thank you.
-No, me.
-It's alright.
You got the next one.
This one's from @BMWJenn.
@BMWJenn wrote,
"Homeschool Musical."
I'd watch that.
Get Efron on the phone.
Alright, this one's from
@doublesamfarms.
Oh, @doublesamfarms.
They put,
"This Is Us Doing Nothing."
That's "Quarantine a TV Show."
You want that one?
That's for you.
Okay, good.
-Yay!
-This one is from --
Alright, hold on.
This one's from @thesouptv.
They put -- I like this one.
"Law & Order a Pizza."
That's good right here.
Alright, unicorn.
Unicorn, sit down.
-Unicorn, sit down!
-This one is from @sandyleetv.
She wrote, "Zoey's Extraordinary
Grocery List."
-That one's for me!
-There you go.
This one is from
@taradublinrocks.
Oh, I love this one.
"Quarantine a TV."
She put, "Joanie Loves Fauci."
[ Laughs ]
"Joanie Loves Fauci." Come on.
That's great.
This last one's from -- Oh, no.
There's a couple more left.
This one's from @carynsue.
"Quarantine a TV --"
She put, "Inlander."
Oh, yeah.
That's the end of "Outlander."
It's "Inlander" now.
This one's from @Chrisoshow.
I like this one.
He put, "Quaranteenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles."
You want that one?
Here you go.
-Yay!
-This last one is from
@Carolyncaroline.
-Yeah, that's the one.
-Okay.
She wrote, of course,
"Family Feud."
There you go right there.
That was our "Hashtags,"
everybody, right there.
We'll be right back with
more "Tonight Show."
Come on back.
We have Chelsea Handler,
Kelly Clarkson,
Michael McDonald, Dude Perfect.
Come on back.
-Don't make me very mad and
never play with you.
