Pandas!
Lovable?
Cute?
Or Loveable and Cute?
That and more on this week’s China Uncensored.
This is China Uncensored.
I’m Chris Chappell.
This week’s China news headlines!
Big news today folks.
A panda born in America is heading to China!
There’s nothing bigger or more important
in China news!
“It's time to say goodbye to Bei Bei.
The National Zoo's beloved giant panda Bei
Bei,
has reached the age of four years old and
that means,
per tradition,
it's time to move from Washington DC to China.”
Oh hi Bei Bei Boy,
everyone loves pandas right?
They even made this special cake for him.
Course no one made a special cake for me.
Even when it was my birthday, Shelley!
Bei Bei even got to fly to China in first
class on the Panda Express.
Yes, that panda got to fly better than you
ever will.
And he’ll have a lot to look forward to
back in China.
Like people smelling his poop.
Ha ha, golly!
Well, thanks for watching China Uncensored,
once again I’m Chris Chappell,
see you next time.
Okay, have the YouTube censors clicked off?
Good!
Stupid pandas.
Sorry everyone,
YouTube has been soft censoring all our critical
China content,
so I’m trying to throw them off the scent.
With panda poop.
Oh, be sure to comment below about how much
you love China.
The YouTube censor bots might check the comments,
too.
See, the only reason China Uncensored is still
on the air is
because viewers like you contribute
through the crowdfunding website Patreon.
If it weren’t for that,
YouTube would have run us out of business
years ago.
So if you can, and you’re like me
and you don’t really want to hear about
pandas,
head over to Patreon.com/chinauncensored.
Okay, on to the real China news.
Guess what?
China isn’t all pandas.
The New York Times published 400 pages of
leaked internal documents
about the crackdown on ethnic minorities in
Xinjiang.
Over a million people in Xinjiang, most ethnic
Uighurs,
are in what are essentially concentration
camps.
In an internal speech, which these documents
reveal,
Chinese leader Xi Jinping called for an all-out
“struggle against terrorism,
infiltration and separatism” using the “organs
of dictatorship,”
and showing “absolutely no mercy.”
Yeah, Xi loves to whip out his organ of dictatorship.
That’s the kind of thing you won’t hear
on Panda Uncensored.
Not only that, but documents instruct Chinese
police
to tell children of detained Uighurs that
if they speak out,
their parents will be kept even longer in
those concentration camps.
I mean, um, training centers.
Obviously the Chinese Communist Party
was not too pleased about the leak.
Xinjiang authorities said,
“America’s New York Times has again fabricated
and concocted fake news about Xinjiang.
This is nothing more than getting up to its
old tricks,
and is completely unworthy of refutation.”
Which is a great line.
Because they can’t refute it.
China is gearing up for America’s 2020 presidential
elections.
They’re practicing by interfering in Taiwan’s
2020 presidential elections.
“China intervening in our elections is not
something
that happens on one or two days, that's very
clear.
This is more or less the consensus of Taiwan's
people.
China is using various means to intervene
in Taiwan's election to damage our democracy.”
Taiwan’s elections are in January.
And the Chinese Communist Party wants to make
sure
someone friendly to Beijing gets elected.
Just like it would like to make sure someone
friendly to Beijing
gets elected in the US in November 2020.
So the Party’s just getting a little practice
in ahead of time.
Last week, the US conducted a Freedom of Navigation
Operation
by sailing a warship through the Taiwan Strait.
And I made a joke about it.
“The US has sailed another warship through
the Taiwan Strait.
Which honestly is kind of a mixed signal.
It shows that the US is ready to defend their
ally.
But it also means that if the US
can sail a warship through the Taiwan Strait,
China can too.”
Well, obviously China’s military does not
understand jokes.
A few days later, they *did* sail their own
warship through the Taiwan Strait.
This is exactly the kind of situation could
spiral out of control.
But don’t worry, I know just what to say:
“Hey, Chinese military!
Wouldn’t it be funny if you didn’t try
to invade Taiwan?
That would show ’em!”
This month marks 15 years since the publication
of the book
the Chinese Communist Party hates more than
anything:
The Nine Commentaries on the Chinese Communist
Party.
It basically lays out all the dirty secrets
of the Party’s rise to power
and the bloody grip it’s kept on China for
the past 70 years.
The book was immediately banned.
And then it sparked a movement where millions
of people inside China
have publicly severed their ties to the Communist
Party.
It’s a fun read.
I’ve provided a link below to the English
translation.
A phase one trade deal between the US and
China
is looking pretty elusive right now.
But apparently, that doesn’t bother President
Trump.
Look, China's going to have to make a deal
that I like.
If they don't, that's it...
If we don't make a deal with China,
I'll just raise the tariffs even higher.
Thank you very much."
And Elvis has left the building.
Of course, the changes Trump wants—
no more theft of American technology, no more
currency manipulation, etc—
the Communist Party is never going to agree
to those.
I mean, if you’re a Communist regime,
you lie and cheat.
It’s what you do.
That’s why some people have said the US
should completely decouple the US and Chinese
economies.
A lot of people already see that as inevitable.
But the Trump Administration has publicly
said
that they do not want to decouple the US and
Chinese economies.
Not that Trump would ever change his mind,
or anything.
Another case of the bubonic plague has been
reported in China.
This is only the third official case.
A hunter got it from eating a wild rabbit.
But people are concerned the problem could
be much larger,
since China has a history of covering up epidemic
outbreaks.
I mean, if you can’t stop the disease,
at least you can stop all that media coverage.
Australia is ending a multi-million dollar
human rights partnership with China.
My first thought was,
Australia had a human rights partnership with
China?!
But China sits on the UN’s Human Rights
Council,
so I’ll just say, at least Australia wised
up.
I hope Germany will do the same,
and stop aiding the Chinese military.
That’s another one of those things you wouldn’t
think was happening,
but yes, it turns out there’s a lot of stupidity
out there.
A spokesman for Germany’s Defense Ministry
said,
“Our goal is to share our democratic values
with citizens of other countries.”
By training Chinese soldiers.
I...really don’t see how that works.
But at least it’s better than Greece.
China has been making big inroads in Greece.
Earlier this month,
Greek police detained Falun Gong practitioners
while Chinese leader Xi Jinping was in town.
Now to be clear, they were not protesting.
They were just meditating in a park,
because that’s what Falun Gong practitioners
do.
I mean, Greece is a free country.
Except when Xi Jinping is in town.
The United States is withdrawing from the
Paris Climate Agreement.
And now people are all like,
oh China’s going to be a world climate change
leader!
And they’re right!
China is a world leader in climate change.
Not the good kind.
The kind that’s leading the world in CO2
emissions.
Yes, China is number one!
But just to make sure no one else catches
up,
China is ramping up coal usage even more.
In fact, China’s new coal power plants
are equal to the entire capacity of the EU.
Now that sounds bad.
But wait, I heard that China has saved
hundreds of thousands of lives by reducing
air pollution.
How does that make any sense?
Well, what the CNN headline neglects to mention
is that study was done...
by Chinese scientists.
Awesome.
If you want to learn more about the Paris Climate Agreement,
watch the episode we did earlier this week on our other channel, America Uncovered.
And that does it for this week’s China News
headlines.
Now it’s time for me to respond to one of
those fans
that supports the show on Patreon.
Banana Pancakes asks,
“I think folks that are part of the 50-cent
army
should have the China Uncensored theme music
as their ring tone...
like a secret handshake but more musical
Well, I think that’s a great idea!
If you pledge $5 to the show,
you get access to the music from China Uncensored.
This is one of the tracks.
So sign up to support the show,
download all this great music,
and make it your ring tone.
Troll the Chinese Communist Party every time
you get a call.
Thanks Banana Pancakes for the idea.
Visit Patreon.com/ChinaUncensored and support
the show.
And thank you for watching.
Once again I’m Chris Chappell,
see you next time.
