Hello, my name is Adele.
I would like to thank Ali very much
for having me on her variety hour
although by this point, she will have noticed 
that I’m not the cheerful singing Adele
but rather, the poet from New Zealand… oops.
Anywho, time for some poetry.
This one’s not about the pandemic.
Hold the door open - wait!
I will not shiver at your chivalry
Hold the door open - wait!
As I stop and hesitate
This threshold seems a mile’s height
Do I step forward into light?
or vanish in the dark outside
to watch your window, pale-eyed.
That one’s called, ‘From a cat’s perspective’
Maybe you should get a cat flap
Here’s a topical one…
COVID, COVID, COVID
The only thing that rhymes is ‘Ovid’
and he was a Roman poet that was born in 43 BC 
and is most famous for 
a poem that’s 15 books long.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love poetry 
but even the longest one of mine is only 2 pages.
That was an interesting poem, wasn’t it? 
Because it started off rhyming 
and then it sort of turned into a Haiku
it’s just a reminder that poetry 
doesn’t have to rhyme to be a poem
just like it doesn’t have to be good to be a poem
Alright, here’s another topical one…
Coronavirus, fast and stealthy
don’t breathe on me, you look unhealthy
Stealthy, fast coronavirus, 
more frightening than Miley Cyrus
Keep your distance, don’t be rude
I’ll fend you off with my pool noodle
Do your bit, not much to ask, how hard is it to wear a mask?
Wear it high, not underpinned
It’s not a hammock for your chin
Dan Andrews does his very best, 
but everyday he looks more stressed
Stay at home to have your dinner, 
Dan Andrews is getting thinner
Gives us reasons for the shut-in
Who’s distracted by Brett Sutton?
Listen to old Andrews, Daniel, 
with eyes like an exhausted Spaniel
Though it may not be a castle,
stay at home you selfish arsehole.
Nice topical one there.
Another one, also dealing with the pandemic… surprise! 
Just saying what everyone’s thinking.
This one’s called ‘PM, or P-Mmmm’
Scomo’s handshake I would spurn 
my hard-earned ardours for Ardern
If I saw Jacinda out my winda
I’d swipe right if I used Tinder
Obviously the logical fallacy of that one, 
is that Jacinda wouldn’t be outside my window
because she’d be respecting the lockdown!
Alright, a final poem from me before I let you 
get back to your lives such as they are
This one’s a sexy one
I want you on the floor you say, 
but on the tables where I lay
I sweep the plates and arch my back
you’d nearly have a heart attack
On the floor, your words repeat, 
but still I taunt you from my seat.
That one’s called 
‘Cat’s Perspective II - I’ll sit where I fucking like.’
Oh actually, I’ve got a last poem
Be on your way disgusting COVID
I’d rather read a book by Ovid.
Anyway, stay safe, stay home. Goodbye.
