This, is Bulwer's pheasant. And he has got
spectacular wattles. He is impressive enough
when he's going about his normal business,
but when she is around, he gets excited...
VERY excited indeed.
Well, this is awkward.
Impressive though he is, she is very critical.
Oh well. Looks like you're not getting any
pussy tonight, mate.
Another pheasant. Temminck's Tragopan. He
has attached a carpet to his neck, a bit like
a technicolour scrotum. But you do have to
admit, it is a lovely carpet. And if you've
got it, why not flaunt...
...it?
I bet he regrets using superglue on it now,
the silly sod.
He is beginning to panic, he needs help!
Oh no, the poor thing. Why isn't somebody
helping it? Shoot it. Put it out of its misery.
No pussy for you either, mate.
The male Monal pheasant has got life sussed.
He impresses potential pussy with pretty,
shiny colours. And he has prettier colours
than anything else in the entire universe.
Girls of all species are fooled by sparkly
colours. They clearly are the inferior gender.
But what this chap doesn't know, is that he's
the last of his species.
No pussy for you either, mate.
The Argos pheasant is a flamboyant character,
more in love with itself than anything else.
It goes about waving performing camp poses
and waving its frilly bits in the faces of
others.
A bit like Apple fanboys.
Clearly she is not interested in a view of
his arse.
No pussy for you either, mate.
This is the Pubus Maximus bird.
It failed to get a roll as a summon in Final
Fantasy, and now spends its time moping about
looking like an octopus.
The weight of its pubic region makes it difficult
to fly.
It looks utterly ridiculous and obviously
will not be getting any pussy tonight.
Exposing itself like this silly thing to do,
since hawks and other birds of prey are keen
to bring down silly looking flying mops.
Finally the weight of its hair causes it to
rest, and to momentarily retire from its quest
for clunge.
But he'll be back.
Pussy: the final frontier. Birds spend all
day thinking about it. They are so limited.
I'm pleased the human race isn't like that.
