FUCKING RAT!!!
Weee-eeeee-eeeee-eeelllcooomee
to Maaadventures coooooking shooooow--
To a journey of tastes to the most disgusting kitchens in the world.
As a quite beefy man and a meat eater, grease lover and fat suckler
The Mad Cook, here and now, gets MAD--
at the world view of such GREEN COCKSUCKERS--
like my colleague's, where other people are arrogantly judged
and these quite valid protein sources are branded questionable
for filth, ethical 
ecological or health reasons. 
I admiiit, I admiit, I ad-mit-mit-mit-mit-miiiitttt--
I admit, I admiiiiiiiittt
No one, I mean no one, can "wash" the ever-growing stress on nature caused by these fuckers "Green".
I love vegetarian food as well! FUCKING LOVE IT!!!
But I don't like the "converting", something ANNOYING leaning towards sectarianism!
FUCKING HIPPIES!
Why does vegetarianism cause so much emotional outburst?
Throughout history, people have had times without fat, and now do not want to lose all that acquired meat 
and definitely don't want to listen to greeny fucks complaining about the harms of pushing out ze induztrial zauzages.
The complaints remain unregistered.
[ADDRESSING VEGETARIAN DAY - HELSINKI CITY COUNCIL] 
-There's no certainty that vegetarian food in Helsinki schools during one weekday would save the world.
-When I was in school, we had cabbage soup days, too often 
 I remember how we scooped the soup which grew colder
my friend cried and I placed the cabbage parts in my cheeks, and when the teacher's eye averted me, I spat them inside my desk.
-How can politicians try and deny rich meals from growing children, citing their small carbon imprints?
-Eating cabbage or beans might bring more FARTS to homes, and this need for ventilation wastes energy - 
I do not support this motion.
Some smart guys here said that diabetes may have come from vegetables!
Once my father tried to make me eat brussel sprouts, and I said no!
He told me he'd hit me with a belt - I told him I'd kill myself!
...I never ate brussel sprouts, and I NEVER will!
0:03:45.000,0:03:11.000
Those eco-fascist, hippie fucks are crumbling the foundations of 
the great and safe society we built!
Suggesting veggie days for schools, and scaring us that gluttonizing on meat will destroy the whole world!
The rulers make the rules on what to eat, so did the colonists and the discoverers before them.  
Maybe the old geezers are not too opposed on lessening 
eating meat or having more veggies on the plate
they are more afraid of losing control...
This is how cultural imperialism stays alive and well in the 
No Man's Land between generations. 
We could argue about this until Judgement Day...
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[HOW TO COLLECT BIRCH SAP]
Today, the mentally-ill gourmand shall indulge on ECOLOGICAL food.
Unfortunately, urbanization, industrialization and the 
"development of development" have MUTATED
this once oh so natural protein source, at least on an image level to almost
INEDIBLE!!!
We wanted to find out if today's main ingredient
is purely a victim of a smear campaign
or a drawn-out scandal and an assasination of character.
Ladies and Gents - today's ingredient is - RAT.
FUCKING RAT!!!
In some parts of Asia and Africa, this pest is gnawed on with great pleasure
as it is one of a farmer's worst enemies, and when there's
little protein to go around, a rat is a welcome sight.
However, this fucker is an anomaly in a Finnish kitchen --
An Urban Sewer Rat.
It has lived a criminal life in the underground,
and fished out as the Catch of the Day from Töölö Park.
...clearly a few days ago.
Compared to its hillbilly cousin, this city-dwelling Splinter is probably quite the bomb. 
maybe even... poisonous.
Today, our assistant chef is Tui, from Thailand's Chanthaburi.
She's spent the last 20 years freezing her ass off in Western Finland, so we can cook with fluent Finnish as well.
When's the last time you dined on-- THIS...
-Two years ago, om nom nom!
So just now? -Oh yeah! -In Finland?
Nahh, when I visited home, in Thailand.
Where was this little bugger acquired from
last time you had it?
From the rice fields. -Not from the trash? -NO!
I don't understand people who claim that a rodent is filthy
"just because" - it's not!
It's the same as pig, or cow or whatever is sold in the store.
We just catch it in the nature, like fish.
So rats are normal food in Thailand? 
-Yup, it's an everyday critter, the kids love it!
Welcome to the holiest of holies - next up this ambitious and in my mind DISGUUUSTINGG
buddy belonging to the placental mammals and sub-species of genuine rats... 
a.k.a. RAT is cooked with a Chanthaburian recipe.
I'm definitely feeling ze smell of ze rat.
This is the liver and the heart. 
...the liver and the heart!?
Are we eating the heads too? -Yup! And the eyes!
Alright, it's done, are you guys ready to eat?
Plate it.
Ladies and Gents - it's time for a test of manhood.
Which one of us shall succumb to suckling on this 
underground informant
--the rat. 
ONE, TWO, THREE!!!
WINNING STREAAAK!
...guess that just happened...
I'm glad, having dined on many-a-rat, but never hit heads with a Helsinki sewer rat
and I'll gladly watch as my colleague chums it down in a moment in ze brighter lit area!
...fuck
I'd like to remind that one of Mad Cook's agendas has been to meet other food culture influences
and as you'll dine on an urban rat grown in a disgusting, Helsinki sewer
--its head, its heart and its liver, I remind that next to you is Tui
a chef from Thailand, don't offend her.. -I know. -Eat it like a man.
I agree... Oh, FUCK ME!
The image of a filthy sewer-drenched bugger is really, really fucked up.
In its honor, show the head a bit. 
-I just showed it, I'm not fucking chowing on this!!
We'll begin with the nice, bulging white eyeballs! 
-Shut the fuuuuuck up!
The eyeballs, d'ya eat the eyeballs in Thailand..?
No. -NO! You heard it, "no"!
But if you have balls, you'll eat 'em. 
..I can't say I have no balls, so I must do it. 
DON'T SNITCH, YOU RAT - or Tunna will rip your eyes out!
Well, isn't this a fucking job... Rat's eye in my mouth. 
Tastes really good, but I can't help but think
what this rat has seen with it's eyes...
All kinds of ugliness and shit it's had to experience in the sewers...
--orgies of HOBOS... Dear God!
What does this tell of his imagination?
This is damn good, I'll have another eye!
Do you eat hearts, liver et cetera? -Yup! -Is it a treat?
Yeah, especially those are given to young children...
I wonder what stuff has seeped through that liver..?
Junkie blood...
The heart is next. -A rat's heart, can't be a good heart,
It's a bad heart!
Maybe our rat friend has just been smeared.
-Definitely, this is all in our heads.
Why do people eat fish, chicken... this is more ethical and ecological meat, am I right?
Yeah, I agree.
-Well made!
That organ taste is pushing up, but there's a lot to eat, want some?
If you want the tail, take it...
How does it taste? - Like chicken.
Let's see what I think...
Gotta say - best rat I've ever had! Definitely!
"Best rat in town, awwww yeaaahhh!"
Recommend? - I'd recommend this to all Kallio dwellers -
hit the sewers with shurikens.
I'd also recommend this to all the hobos.
Looks like our pescovegetarian is enjoying the city rat - 
should we take heed, as it is a very close and ecological food?
Definitely. One way to get rid of the pest problem in the city.
Mad Cook - with a sulphite beer - in and out!
Final words from the Mad Cook!
If you don't want to rid yourself of meat, but understand that
the modern industrial food process is killing the planet and its inhabitants
Focus on the original meats--
the ones our ancestors used to suckle on.
