Hello.
I'm Hillary Anne Matthews,
and today, we're going
to talk about Joan of Arc.
 Our story begins in France,
 in the year 1412.
 The Hundred Years' War
 is raging in Europe
 in between France and England.
 So Joan of Arc
 was a peasant girl.
 She's 13 years old,
 she's in a field,
 but then, all of a sudden,
 she hears voices.
 We have a mission for you.
 And she was like...
 [squeaking] What?
 [normally]
 Who even are you guys?
 And they were like,
 I'm St. Michael,
 I'm St. Margaret,
 and I'm St. Catherine,
 and they're like,
 all we want is
 for you to go to church
 and just, like, be cool
 and chill and obedient.
 She's like, that's it?
 And they're like,
 yeah, that's it.
 The King of France
 was King Charles VI.
 People around him get him
 to sign a peace treaty
 that will end
 the Hundred Years' War.
 He has a son,
 also named Charles--
 Charles of Valois--
 also called "the Dauphin."
 So when his father
 signed this peace treaty,
 it was disinheriting him
 from the throne.
 [dramatic music]
Gosh darn it!
- It's just one little drop.
- It's been happening
this whole time.
- [chuckles]
- Okay. So, Joan is now
a 16-year-old girl in a 16--
[fly buzzes]
In a 16-year-old world
 and these voices,
 they're like,
 hey, girl, you need
 to lead France to victory
 and get Charles Valois crowned
 as the rightful
 King of France,
 and she was like, ha!
 You guys!
 That's not what you told me
 the first time, you guys.
 They're like, you need to go
 to this lord gentleman
 named Baudricourt.
 He's gonna help you
 get Charles crowned.
 Then she runs away from home
 to Lord Baudricourt.
 She arrives, and Joan's like,
 hello, I am Joan,
 and I am here because
 v--saints talked to me
 in my head
 and it is God's will
 to have Charles of Valois
 crowned the rightful
 King of France.
 Lord Baudricourt
 is straight-up like,
 [spoken as teenage girl]
 Get this crazy girl
 back to her home,
 but like then,
 what happens is that
 she gets, kind of like,
 a following.
 People have heard
 about Joan of Arc,
 and they are on board.
 Lord Baudricourt is like,
 okay, well, actually,
 we can work with this,
 and Joan's like,
 cut off my hair
 and dress me in men's clothes
 so I don't get raped,
 and he's like, okay.
 Because it was
 really dangerous
 'cause she's a woman.
Ugh. God, the Middle Ages.
I'm glad we're not in them.
- Amen.
- Too harsh to women,
and the breath was bad.
- [chuckles]
 - So they arrive at Chinon,
 and Charles of Valois is like,
 um, wait, who's here?
 And they're like,
 a 16-year-old girl
 who hears the voices
 of saints,
 and he's like,
 okay, you know what?
 Here's what I'm gonna do.
 I'm gonna put on
 this big goofy mustache
 and this big floppy hat
 and I'm gonna trick her
 and I'm gonna see
 if she knows what's up.
 And so, he's just, like,
 [goofy voice]
 I'm just a courtier,
 I'm just
 a regular old courtier,
 and she walks in,
 and she's like...
 [sighs]
 You're Charles of Valois.
 You are my rightful king.
 He's like, wow.
[claps slowly]
- Slow clap.
- He slow claps her.
Can you believe
that he slow claps her?
- The first slow clap.
- Yeah, it was
the first slow clap.
 And so, he's like,
 great!
 Because we want
 the same thing,
 which is for me
 to be King of France.
 So Joan was like,
 okay, dude,
 give me an army.
 I want that army.
 Ooh, give me that army!
 And he's like,
 okay, guess what?
 Army bestowed.
 [triumphant music]
 She sets out with this army
 to Orleans.
 So they get there
 and they were like,
 okay, here's what's up.
 We have to strategize.
 We have to think
 about this logically.
 We have to make plans,
 and Joan was like,
 Guess the [bleep] what?
 No!
 We got to just go for it,
 you guys!
 Only 'cause God
 wants us to do it.
 and they're like,
 oh, my gosh, God?
 Yeah, he's the tops.
 We are going to just
 freaking... Ugh.
 I hate it when
 people say "freaking."
 - Then say it differently.
- So then they just [bleep]
go for it
and they are like,
attacking and attacking,
 and attacking the English,
 and Joan is in
 the thick of it,
 and she is not shying away,
 and then thwup!
 She gets hit in the shoulder
 with an arrow.
 But here's what's amazing:
 the English surrender,
 and they're like, fine!
 White handkerchief.
 White handkerchief.
 - You do "handkercheef"
 instead of "handkerchif."
 - Yes. Handkercheef.
 - Hm.
- Handkerchief. Yeah, I do.
- Okay.
 - And everyone's like,
 we did it!
 And we did it
 because Joan of Arc
 led us to this point!
 [triumphant music]
 Charles of Valois,
 the Dauphin,
 is crowned King of France
 and everyone's like, yay.
[quietly clapping]
- [laughs]
- Then, Charles of Valois
is like,
 now I want you to go to Paris
 and take Paris.
 She's like, cool, I'll do it!
So Joan goes to Paris
 and she shoots
 a bunch of arrows
 Waa! [makes popping noise]
 Waa! [makes popping noise]
 But in the midst
 of this battle,
 Joan is captured,
 and they're like,
 we got you!
 Ooh, did we ever get you!
 You are marins wen's clo--
 You are wearing men's clothes,
 and now, girlfriend,
 that means you got
 to be burned at the stake,
 and she's like,
 [bleep].
 Joan of Arc, 19 years old,
 is put onto a wooden stake,
and then, um,
they light it on fire.
Phew!
 And then she starts
 calling out for her saints,
 and she's like,
 St. Michael,
 the big kahuna of saints,
 St. Michael!
 St. Margaret!
 Okay, St. Catherine!
 St. Catherine,
 St. Margaret,
 St. Catherine,
 St. Michael, St. Margaret,
 St. Catherine!
 It's like, cricket,
 cricket, cricket,
 and everybody's just watching
 this 19-year-old woman
 just get burnt alive
 at the stake.
 So then Joan--she dies.
The end.
Is it redundant
to believe in your own beliefs?
I don't care,
and neither did Joan.
Here's the thing
about 17-year-olds.
At that time:
standing in a field,
blinking.
At this time:
 looking at Instagram,
 blinking.
Joan of Arc:
 leading an army!
 - [chuckles]
- I'm not saying
you need to aspire to more,
but, like,
maybe aspire to more.
Like, maybe lead an army
or two
or one or two.
