Cheap beer is my muse.
I feel like sometimes there’s too much pressure
to treat craft beer with respect.
The good news is you can still get black out
drunk on nice brews, and maybe even get charged
with something.
Headbutting a glass window, pissing on the
hood of a Porsche…
I don’t know be creative.
Now today’s fancy beers I’ll try to treat
with a little bit of respect- a subscriber
Jason Reviews Record sent me 2 beers and knife.
Otherwise known as the perfect murder.
I think it’s the plot of some Agatha Christie
shit.
You know if a dude wanted to murder a dude
in the middle of say Iowa, couldn’t he just
open a firework stand nearby?
This is gonna be a dual review, because I’m
short on beer jokes this week and also if
you haven’t heard of this beer and I haven’t
heard of it- then you won’t watch it.
In fact, you’re not watching right now.
Both are from a brewery I also haven’t heard
of because I don’t know everything- out
of Mount Vernon, Washington.
Farm Strong.
We have a can and a bottle, the old yin and
the yang.
In case what this review was missing was a
cliched colloquialism.
To the layman between there’s a touch more
in the bottle than the can.
Alright let’s pour the Valley Gold or the
canned beer as I go find some contextual online
information about it.
Voted Best Brewery in 2017 and 2018 by someplace
called Skagit publishing.
I guess that means something to someone, maybe
Skagit and Farm Strong employees.
The Valley Gold is a Golden Lager with 6%
alcohol by volume and 21 IBUS.
It’s a crisp refreshing lager made to Highlight
the golden bounty of the Skagit and eventually
win the coveted publishing award.
Easy drinking and bursting with rich malt
flavor.
An every day beer made for and by the good
people of this beautiful area.
Sorry grown here, malted here, brewed here.
And since it doesn’t say hops anywhere your
grandpa might even drink it.
To be technical about it, the foam isn’t
too bad, and it’s clear and golden.
Next let’s pour the Steer You Right Imperial
stout, I guess that means it’s made with
real cows.
See this one’s dark and that one’s light.
The good and the evil.
Ok that’s not true.
No one ever drinks 6 or 7 $10 imperial stouts
then goes and punches a nun.
That’s what adjunct lagers are for.
The pour is dense, with a little bit of creamy
caramel colored foam or fuzz as real beer
nerds call it, Sorry this one doesn’t have
a product description.
Here let me try.
This dark and rich full bodied stout is uhh
imbued with dark uhh malts, and pairs well
with uhh horse meat, twirly mustaches, and
discussions about early Cassavettes.
(casavetties)
Ok the smell.
I think of the Lynyrd Skynyrd song every time
I do this part.
I know that some people at some time thought
it was a good serious adult song- but I just
associate it with farts.
First the valley Gold.
Beer Advocate gives it a 3.67 out of 5, which
is light beer territory.
And only has three ratings.
So I guess this makes me an OG, when it blows
up.
The smell is similar to an adjunct.
Miller Genuine High Ultra Light Champagne
is an apt comparison.
Sweet and corny.
Next the stout.
Sitting at a 3.89.
Which means literally nothing to me, because
it’s rare that I don’t enjoy just about
every beer I drink.
The smell is sweet and let’s say has a distinct
odor of molasses.
Sorry.
Aroma.
When I say odor, that implies armpits, this
is not armpits.
There’s even some vanilla under there.
Or a swisher sweet if you understand the finer
pleasures in life.
Ok lets do the part where I try and do unusual
faces, over pictures of my face for like two
minutes.
I know that’s my favorite part too.
Why don’t I talk during these parts live…
I don’t know.
Ok here you go.
Done.
I think internet beer reviews are kind of
dumb and I guess I’m trying to prove my
point.
Let’s start with the stout this time.
As I drink, it’s like you coated a very
high grit sandpaper with molasses.
Go find that shit in another review.
I don’t get vanilla in the taste, just an
overwhelming maltiest, to start that punches
your tounge with some hops, and lays a trail
of astringent alcohol as an after taste.
It’s dense, and 
made for sipping.
And now the Old Guy flavored beer.
To be fair, this is much better than the typical
adjunct because it’s a lot more flavorful,
even if it don’t smell it.
It starts out sweet, then the hops hit you.
Not like IPA hops, but like a hoppy malt balance.
Think of what adjunct lagers should be.
You know flavorful.
Maybe they shouldn’t because old guys don’t
have good taste in beer.
I apologize, the beer forced me to make that
joke.
It has a clean finish, and a little bitterness
that lingers.
I wish I could offer a more complex flavor
profile, but that’s all I got.
Ok that about does it.
Thanks to Instagrammer Jasonreviews records
who sent me this and a cool bayonet Knife
that I would estimate has a few kills on it.
I mean not from Jason, but you know before
he bought it.
I’ll link his Guitar and hockey Based Instagram
below.
I follow him you should… and I don’t even
hockey or guitar.
So when this video debuts I’ll probably
be in the middle of moving, wish me luck as
I move from Virginia to California with two
small children, and hopefully I have enough
entertainment uploaded in the meantime to
keep you partially entertained.
I won’t be able to comment a whole lot,
this next month or so, but if you really need
my advice on something email me or DM me on
Instagram.
Do it up: like subscribe comment, Patreon
me- light or hard.
The usual.
Thanks fort watching.
Why did Text edit autocorrect convert for
to fort.
