>> Jimmy: HI THERE, WE ARE BACK.
YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST
FROM THE TV SHOW "SILICON 
VALLEY" AND THE MOVIE 
"DEADPOOL."
HE IS A VERY FUNNY MAN WITH A 
VERY FUNNY NEW MOVIE - "OFFICE 
CHRISTMAS PARTY."
OPENS FRIDAY.
PLEASE WELCOME T.J. MILLER!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME, WELCOME. 
>> OH, JIMMY.
I WAS JUST AT THE CRAZIEST 
PARTY.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT?
>> THE OLD LAMP SHADE ON THE 
HEAD TRICK.
>> Jimmy: SOMEWHERE BETWEEN A 
LAMP SHADE, A GHOST, AND A KLAN 
MEMBER ALL AT ONCE. 
>> OKAY, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT 
OFF.
JIMMY, I WANT TO TELL YOU -- 
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> I WANT TO TELL YOU, I CAME 
HERE TO GET SERIOUS.
I WANTED TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON 
YOUR CHILD. 
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU, FOR THE 
BABY'S FIRST PARTY, I'D LIKE TO 
GIFT HIM THIS.
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW.
WELL.
WE DON'T KNOW -- 
>> THE LITTLE MAN BABY. 
>> Jimmy: THAT IS SO VERY SWEET 
TO GIVE US THIS THING OUR PROPS 
DEPARTMENT GAVE TO YOU. 
>> NO, I CAME WITH THAT. 
>> Jimmy: DID YOU REALLY?
>> I MADE THIS MYSELF, IT'S NOT 
THAT HARD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: MAYBE WE CAN POST THE 
PLANS ON OUR WEBSITE. 
>> YEAH.
WELL, YOU'VE KIND OF TAINTED IT 
WITH THE KLAN REFERENCE BUT 
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THESE ARE TURBULENT TIMES.
IT'S A GREAT TIME TO BE 
PROMOTING A COMEDY. 
>> Jimmy: IT IS A GREAT TIME. 
>> A HOLIDAY COMEDY.
I FIND IT EASY TO SELL A COMEDY 
DURING THE APOCALYPSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ESPECIALLY KATE McKINNON, 
JENNIFER ANISTON IS GOING TO BE 
HERE TOMORROW, VERY, VERY 
BRILLIANT, THE GREATEST CAST.
VANESSA BAYER, RANDALL PARK, SAM
RICHARDSON, THE LIST GOES ON AND
ON.
EVERYBODY REALLY DELIVERS.
AN HOUR AND A HALF OF A REALLY 
FUNNY MOVIE.
IT'S A LAUGH A MINUTE. 
>> Jimmy: IT'S A DIRTY MOVIE. 
>> IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF A DIRTY 
MINUTE.
IT'S A LAUGH EVERY MINUTE AND A 
HALF TO TWO MINUTES.
IT'S NOT A LAUGH A MINUTE COMEDY
BECAUSE THAT'S EXHAUSTING, WE'RE
ALL EXHAUSTED.
WE WANT TO GIVE YOU THE TIME 
EVERY MINUTE AND A HALF TO TWO 
MINUTES.
A LAUGH EVERY MINUTE AND A HALF.
>> Jimmy: I BELIEVE IT.
YOU'VE GOT THE GREAT CAST.
ALSO, "SILICON VALLEY" IS SUCH A
GREAT SHOW.
ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS EVER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU HAD AN UNBELIEVABLE YEAR 
CAREER-WISE WITH "DEADPOOL" AND 
THE HBO SHOW, NOW THIS MOVIE.
WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST EXCITING 
THING TO HAPPEN TO YOU THIS 
YEAR?
>> BEING IN A MOVIE RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW MORE THAN EVER WE NEED
TO LAUGH.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THE HOLIDAYS
OFF, DECEMBER -- 
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE SAYING THIS 
WILL DO IT?
>> THIS MOVIE.
THEN I'M ACTUALLY HOSTING THE 
CRITICS CHOICE AWARDS WHICH IS 
MUCH BETTER THAN THE OSCARS.
>> Jimmy: IS IT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
IS IT BETTER?
>> IT'S MORE LAID BACK.
THE GOLDEN GLOBES TRYING TO BE 
THE COOL KID AT THE PARTY BUT 
THEY'RE NOT THAT COOL.
THE CRITICS CHOICE JUST GET 
[ BLEEP ].
BUT HAVE FUN AT THE OSCARS. 
>> Jimmy: YEAH. 
>> YOU'LL BE UNDER A MAGNIFYING 
GLASS BIGGER THAN ALL OF 
HOLLYWOOD PUT TOGETHER.
WHILE I JUST GET A BUNCH OF 
PUPPETS AND ACT LIKE A DING 
DONG.
I GOT TO WORK WITH STEVEN 
SPIELBERG, YOU GUYS.
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WHAT DID YOU WORK WITH HIM ON?
>> IT WAS A -- MM, MM!
OH, I LOVE THAT.
I LOVE THAT WATER, I DO.
SO WE'RE DOING THIS SCENE, 
SPIELBERG, THIS DREAM COME TRUE.
IT'S WEIRD, I HAVE A 
RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, HE PUT ME
IN "CARPOOLERS," A TV SHOW I DID
THAT GOT CANCELED, A DREAMWORKS 
SHOW.
I WAS ON THE WAY TO AUDITION FOR
"SHE'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE."
GOOD HANGOVER MOVIE.
AND I WAS LATE AN HOUR AND A 
HALF, NEW TO HOLLYWOOD, I DIDN'T
HAVE MY I.D., THEY WOULDN'T LET 
ME INTO A.MBLINN ENTERTAINMENT.
GUARD WOULDN'T LET ME IN.
THE GATE OPENS.
OUT DRIVES THIS MAN.
AND I LOOK.
AND I SAY, THAT'S STEVEN 
SPIELBERG.
AND THE GUARD'S LIKE, YEAH, 
YOU'RE AT DREAMWORKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I COULDN'T HELP IT BUT I WAVED, 
HI, STEVEN SPIELBERG!
AND HE STOPPED THE CAR.
HE BACKED UP.
AND HE SAID, HEY, I KNOW YOU.
I SAID, HI, STEVEN SPIELBERG!
I COULDN'T STOP USING BOTH HIS 
NAMES.
I'M T.J. MILLER!
HE SAID, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, 
"CALLPOOLERS," YOU'RE REALLY 
FUNNY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
AUDITIONING FOR "SHE'S OUT OF MY
LEAGUE."
HE SAID, THAT'S ONE OF OURS, 
TELL THEM THAT'S WHY YOU'RE 
LATE.
I SAID, I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT 
ANYWAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE SAID A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR 
ABOUT IT.
AFTER "SHE'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE" 
CAME OUT AND PEOPLE LIKED IT, I 
STARTED CALLING HIS OFFICE.
EVERY COUPLE MONTHS.
AND I WOULD JUST CALL AND I'D 
SAY, YOU KNOW, GET ME 
DREAMWORKS.
THEY'D PUT STEVEN SPIELBERG'S 
ASSISTANT ON THE PHONE.
AND I WOULD SAY, HEY, IT'S T.J. 
MILLER, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, 
I KNOW STEVEN AND I HAVE BEEN 
TRADING BACK AND FORTH, HE'S 
BUSY, I'M BUSY, TELL HIM I'LL 
CALL HIM WHEN I GET A CHANCE, 
THANK YOU SO MUCH, GOOD-BYE.
THEN I'D HANG UP.
I DID THAT EVERY SINGLE MONTH 
FOR LIKE TEN YEARS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S REAL.
I KEPT DOING THAT.
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE CALLS 
UPON ME TO BE IN "READY PLAYER 
ONE," HIS NEXT FILM.
READY PLAYER ONE!
>> Jimmy: WOW. 
>> YEAH, IT'S A GREAT BOOK.
>> Jimmy: DID HE ACTUALLY CALL 
YOU?
>> SO HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
AFTER "OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY" 
WAS, YOU KNOW -- I WAS GOING TO 
STAR IN THAT, THEN THEY ALSO 
BOUGHT A FILM THAT I'M WRITING 
WITH MY COUSIN MILLER DAVIS 
"EX-CRIMINALS."
THEY MADE THAT ANNOUNCEMENT AND 
I HAD A FREE DAY.
I WAS GOING TO WRITE.
SET UP ALL MY MARIJUANA ACU
ACCOUTREM
ACCOUTREMENTS. 
>> Jimmy: OF COURSE. 
>> I HAVE A PRESCRIPTION FOR 
MARIJUANA.
IT'S MEDICAL.
FOR ANXIETY.
FOR MY ANXIETY ABOUT GETTING 
ARRESTED FOR MARIJUANA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO I LAID OUT ALL MY STUFF.
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO START.
AND THE PHONE RINGS.
IT'S A 310 NUMBER.
I DON'T USUALLY PICK UP UNKNOWN 
NUMBERS.
FOR SOME REASON I PICKED IT UP.
"I HAVE STEVEN FOR YOU.
I SAID, WHAT?
SHE SAID, THIS IS ALISON IN 
STEVEN SPIELBERG'S OFFICE, I 
HAVE SPEAK OF CONVENIENT FOR 
YOU.
I WAS LIKE, OH THANK GOD.
AND SHE THOUGHT, OH, I GUESS HE 
FINALLY, THANK GOD HE'S TALKING 
WITH HIM.
I WAS LIKE, IMAGINEFY   FY IF I 
HAD PHONED MARIJUANA.
THEN BEEN ON THE PHONE WITH 
STEVEN SPIELBERG.
STEVEN, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
STEVEN, I DID SAY IT RIGHT, 
STEVEN?
OH NO.
I GET ON THE PHONE, I TALK WITH 
HIM FOR 17:38.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I THOUGHT I WAS REALLY, REALLY 
FUNNY.
YEAH PUT STEVEN ON.
THEN WHEN HE GOT ON THE PHONE I 
WOULD HAVE GONE, STEVEN, I'M 
SUPER BUSY RIGHT NOW, I CAN'T 
