In one of my Dungeons & Dragons games the party had just completed a major quest line. I can't remember what it was exactly
Something about stopping an evil necromancer from enslaving all free men and casting the world in a shadow of a thousand years of torment
In which the only freedom would be too sweet release of death blah blah blah blah blah nothing you haven't heard before
I'll just skip over that part. Instead we start with a party hanging around town doing some shopping.
However in this town magic was banned so we could buy any items we wanted,
Just nothing, that was magical; so you know none of the stuff we actually wanted.
It sucked also because we were playing fourth edition D&D and the way that game was set up was you really had to have some
magical items in that game since the monsters were designed to be weak to those items.
Which you were supposed to have. If you didn't have them
You were in a tight spot.
The group decided to find where the black market is and by some magical swag.
"Hey Solomon. Do you want to come?
"Nah," I said, "I'm cool. I'll just stay at home and hang out here," and the GM goes
Uuuuuuum nooooo.
"No you don't," and starts pushing me out the door, and I realized oh... that's that's where the plot is going isn't it?
All aboard.
You know what funny thing on second thought, I think I will go with you guys
It's good to have a cleric around when people are about to be stabbed to death. Which I mean
Which, I, I mean I'm sure isn't gonna happen.
Even though we're heroes going to the underground criminal market.
Maybe it's going to be one of those nice black markets where they sell poison cotton candy and ball pits filled with live grenades!
You'd think it'd be hard to find the black market, but nope!
Every seller we talk to is like,
"Hmm I don't carry that thing you're looking for. But if you checked out the black market, I'm sure you could find it there "
"I don't have this, but why don't you check out the black market? I go there all the time."
"You can probably get a good deal. If you checked the black market."
Everyone's talking about like it's the friendly local Walmart, only if Walmart wasn't as sketchy.
So we very easily get to it.
It's a sprawling underground complex with these stands set up selling their wares. We start wandering around and shopping.
Eventually we get stopped by the Assassin's Guild who are basically reverse police officers they protect the illegal activities
Well we get stopped, and we think we'll just talk our way out of it
well
we forgot the fact that one of our members of our little party is a
Paladin so it's like bringing your police officer friend in when you decide to have a chat with a mafia
So I started asking some questions to our paladin, which we'll call relthorne just to keep him safe
He's trying to deflect it by saying what me. I'm I'm not a paladin who who's thinking I'm a Paladin am I right
I should also mention that this character is wearing his full paladin outfit and uniform
So it wasn't hard to figure out
Then they started asking to see his crest which he was hiding on his back as he was leaning up against a wall and kept trying to deflect
The question, but they wouldn't stop asking he was in a really tight spot. He started to panic going. Oh shit. Oh shit
Oh shit. Oh shit trying to think of a solution, and then Relthorne goes huh! and he has Epiphany. Wait a second
I've got a plan. What are you going to do? I asked him don't worry
It's a little crazy but if I play my cards right it just
might work
so relthorne goes
Pulls his sword and stabs one of the assassins through the chest yeah cause that'll defuse the situation
Immediately a fight breaks out arrows being shot people are being stabbed heads are being smashed I'm
Around its a giant murder fest all the vendors and customers rush out to the exits and flee causing chaos onto the upper streets
Eventually the town guards track the chaos back down to the black market and start
Confiscating gear and go around arresting whoever is left in there
including us
now the guards are actually pissed off about having to do this we get put in jail the Inquisitor is brought before us and
Reveals that the town council and guards secretly knew that the black market was down there the whole time however
It was the lifeblood of the town and since a group of adventurers
Came in and ruined everything now the town is going to have no money
Everything is going to dry up widows will go homeless children will starve, and it's all our fault
I should mention this was supposedly a moral dilemma for us
Yeah, I don't think anyone in the party batted an eyelash
Yeah, if the town's lifeblood is a black market
Then they all deserve to get actual honest jobs working as slaves in the under dark hold on a second
I said to the Inquisitor
Some stuff is not quite making sense to me all of the people in the town knew about the black market, right?
mhh hmm. And the town council knew about the black market, right? mhh hmm.
What was the black market the black market from what do you mean?
Well if you have a black market it has to be a black market from
something like the government doesn't agree with the market it wants to shut it down then you have then you have a black market, but
But if the government is okay with the goods being traded that isn't isn't the black market anymore is
It's like that's like the definition of a black market
Well magic is illegal so that's why you have an underground trade for magical wares
I know I know but you guys in the town council have complete control over the laws and
You guys are okay with the magic and the people are okay with the magic why don't you just I don't know
Just make it legal and get rid of the black market
But where do we make money from the illegal trade is the lifeblood of this town? How would we make any money?
Why don't you just sell the goods normally?
Yeah, but that's illegal
Sigh... I'm trying to be patient
This isn't hard you guys are the ones who set up
The rules right just make it legal, so you can buy magical goods. well well
Then we lose the black market. Where would we sell things. oh?
I don't know, maybe just open up a regular goddamn market and sell magical goods like normal people
Yes, but that's against the law. Oh my god
This is like talking to a blacksmith and him asking me where all these swords come from
You do realize I'm called the Inquisitor right you do know what inquisitors do right?
they
Gather information yes
And you have gotten quite a lot of good information out of me haven't you you?
You are doing your job very spectacularly if if I must say
Hmm, I don't quite understand what you've been trying to explain to me
But it sounds like I was saying something along the lines of hey Inquisitor
I don't think I've been tortured enough.  okay. Never mind. I totally understand it makes perfect sense
I was actually wrong the whole time really
I still don't know why they decided to have a black market. I think there was some mystique about it like
Oh.. we're gonna go to the black market and go shopping
Yeah that sounds like fun. I'm gonna invite Chelsea. No one likes Chelsea! Thanks for watching, and I'll see you guys next time
