
Why Children Cry

Billy Prewitt

LakeCityCounsel.com

Why Children Cry

Copyright 2020 by Billy and Rebekah Prewitt

All rights reserved. The use of short quotations or occasional page copying for personal or group study is permitted and encouraged. Other permissions will likely be granted upon request.

Unless noted, all Scripture references are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version.

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# Contents

  1. I Feel Like I'm Going to Explode!

  2. Children and Demons

  3. Dancing With the Devil

  4. Biting Dogs

  5. Iniquity of the Fathers

  6. My Stomach Hurts

  7. A Line in the Sand

  8. Tampered

  9. The Greatest Need

Appendix #1: What Is the Difference Between Mental Health and Christian Counseling?

Appendix #2: How Do I Know if I Need Christian Counseling?

Epilogue

About the Author

Chapter 1

# I Feel Like I'm Going to Explode!

I may not be the fastest person to respond, but I knew it was time to get involved when I heard this 3rd grader yell, "I'm so angry, I feel like I'm going to explode!" He then threw himself down and pounded the floor with his fists screaming wildly.

At that point, I came to the conclusion that this little guy needs some attention from me.

Later that afternoon, I called his mom. She said, "He's been doing that a lot at home lately. He's driving me up the wall. I just enrolled him in Karate. I hope that will help."

Dealing with angry children is a very common thing for a school teacher. They may have gotten into an argument on the playground or some other dramatic situation throughout the day. This ordinary kind of angry situation is not what we are going to talk about in this chapter. Here, we are going to specifically deal with unreasonable, uncontrolled, and often even unprovoked anger. Is your child experiencing repeated outbursts that fit one or all of those descriptions?

I'll tell you exactly what the school will do in this situation. They will refer your child to Mental Health. The process may be different from place to place, but the end result is the same. The problem with this is that anger of this nature is a spiritual problem. It isn't psychological at all. Even if Mental Health counseling had any validity at all (and, by the way, it doesn't), it is completely and absolutely useless in solving a spiritual problem. In addition, Mental Health counselors will employ techniques that are completely offensive to Bible-believing Christians. As an example, they may encourage the "patient" to try to make his mind blank and stare at a picture that looks like strange artwork with shapes and designs woven into it. It won't even cross the counselor's mind to inform anybody that the picture has subtle Buddhist images woven into the background that are intentionally there to "aid" in relaxation. Ask any missionary that has worked in a Buddhist country whether or not their Buddhism has helped them overcome anger. Missions reports make it clear that the so-called harmless Buddhist monks often become violently enraged at the entrance of the Gospel message to the point of committing savage crimes against Christian missionaries. Point-blank, it doesn't work for them, and it won't work for the public schools either.

There are two basic reasons why secular counseling doesn't work in solving anger issues. The first of those has already been mentioned in that secular counseling has no basis by which to counsel a spiritual problem. The other reason is that secular counseling is only able to see the physical dimension. The spiritual reality behind the physical reality is not discernible to the natural mind. As a result, secular counseling tries to eliminate the fruit.

Let me illustrate this point. In my backyard, I have a huge grapefruit tree. It consistently produces hundreds of grapefruit every year. Let's say for a moment I decide that I don't want any more grapefruit in my yard. What would happen if I went out and diligently removed every last grapefruit from the tree? Would that solve the problem? Of course not. In about a year, it will be loaded once again. Removing the fruit would not solve the problem. This is what secular counseling attempts to do. Hit a pillow. Count to 10. Relax with Yoga. Clip a fruit here. Clip a fruit there. Yet, the problem remains. And by the way, Karate isn't going to help either. The reason is that they are looking at the wrong end of the tree. The fruit is not the problem. It is just the visible manifestation of the problem. The root is the real problem. Kill the root, and the fruit will disappear, but enough with theory. Let's get to the heart of the issue.

Anger that repeatedly results in sinful behavior is a spiritual problem. Like all other spiritual problems, they begin with sin. In the case of children, the sin that triggers the beginning of the problem may not even be the child's fault.

Noah Webster defines anger as "a violent passion of the mind excited by a real or supposed injury; usually accompanied with a propensity to take vengeance, or to obtain satisfaction from the offending party."

Suppose a child's parents divorce. The injury to the child is indeed real. The child is not at fault for the divorce. Possibly there is an innocent party in the divorce, but someone is at fault for this injury, and it isn't the child. In such a case, there is no real vengeance possible and no satisfaction available (see Webster above). All that is left is an open wound with severed nerve endings dangling out in the open. It really isn't a wonder that the child loses it when somebody laughs him to scorn for spilling his milk in his lap.

Then, we compound the problem. Nobody notices the child that laughed. All we see is the wild fit. Everything that led up to the fit is irrelevant. The child is then taken to the office for disrupting the peace and is given whatever version of consequence the administration feels appropriate. Another real injury without resolution is added to the cart. Now, every odd look becomes a "supposed" injury (see Webster). The snowball is rolling, and it's getting bigger. Down the road, the child sees another child act with similar angry ways. He thinks, "Hey, there's someone like me!" In a short time, they are best friends. This, of course violates the clear teaching of Scripture, "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul" (Proverbs 22:24-25). Now he not only has a spiritual problem, he is becoming a well researched specialist. Angry outbursts follow him everywhere he goes.

A man from our church came to service one time with a face that was screaming, "Something has gone really wrong!" It didn't take much prompting to get the story out of him. He had just come from a shopping trip with his pre-teen granddaughter. They were hoping to purchase one of those above-ground pools, but the store was out of stock at the time. The girl threw such a fit that nobody, including the store staff, knew what to do. This sad grandfather was thoroughly embarrassed and shaken. The last thing he ever wanted to do was go shopping with her again. Sound familiar? I hope not, but unfortunately, many families face these scenes routinely. They are constantly throwing away furniture, musical equipment, and hanging pictures over holes in the wall.

How to Handle Anger Properly

The Bible gives clear teachings on how to handle anger.

  1. You must confront the offending party. "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone" (Matthew 18:15).

  2. Confront the issue the same day if possible. "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26).

  3. If the offending party apologizes for the wrong, forgive. "If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him" (Luke 17:3).

  4. If the offending party does not apologize, then seek the help of others. "But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more" (Matthew 18:16). If the offending party is part of your church, the next step is to take it to the pastor (Matthew 18:17).

  5. If none of this works, then as much as possible dismiss the person out of your life. "Let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican" (Matthew 18:17).

  6. Regardless of the outcome of the process, refuse to take vengeance of any kind. This includes refusing to slander the person even if they are clearly in the wrong. "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord" (Romans 12:19).

We all get angry. The Bible even teaches that anger in and of itself isn't sin. Above are the Biblical steps that must be taken to prevent anger from turning into sin. What happens when one or all of these directives is left out? The answer is bitterness. Bitterness is a very very serious problem. Hebrews 12:15 says, "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." Did you notice the power of bitterness. It brings defilement. It brings the possibility of failing the grace of God. It also fortifies an enemy stronghold in your life.

A spiritual stronghold is like an enemy fort. To understand this, just imagine letting several hundred terrorists move to the USA. What would they do? They would build fortresses possibly in caves or underground bunkers just like they do in Afghanistan. What would we have to do to get them to leave? Search and destroy!

Spiritual strongholds are much the same way. When a sin takes place, the devil gets two invitations to build strongholds. The first one is in the life of the one that sinned, and the other is in the life of the victim. It may not seem fair, but I will assure you that the devil doesn't care about fair. Once the invitation is given, the work of fortification begins. In the case of anger, that fortification strengthens every time a new grievance comes that isn't handled in the Biblical manner mentioned previously. Bitterness sets in, and the stronghold gets stronger and stronger until it becomes a life controlling problem.

If you are really dealing with this in your home, you are probably thinking, "That's nice to know man, but how do we get rid of it!" I'm glad you asked. I'd like to tell you just to pray some simple prayer with your family and it will just go away, but it isn't that simple. Below, I am going to share with you a Biblical truth that will bring your victory in this situation. I am confident in its effectiveness because I didn't make it up. It comes straight out of the Word of God.

Laying Siege

Through the course of this next section, I will specifically deal with this from the parent's perspective, but I assure you it will work with adults as well. I once heard a quotation from an American General that was something like this, "Don't ever enter a battle that you aren't committed to win!" You must decide now whether or not you will win. Anything less than a total commitment to win is completely and totally futile. The enemy knows your give-up point!

The principles of spiritual war are clearly outlined in the Old Testament directives for warfare. The siege is an interesting strategy that is found in Deuteronomy 20:10-20.

When thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it, then proclaim peace unto it. And it shall be, if it make thee answer of peace, and open unto thee, then it shall be, that all the people that is found therein shall be tributaries unto thee, and they shall serve thee. And if it will make no peace with thee, but will make war against thee, then thou shalt besiege it: And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword: But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the LORD thy God hath given thee.

Thus shalt thou do unto all the cities which are very far off from thee, which are not of the cities of these nations. But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth: But thou shalt utterly destroy them; namely, the Hittites, and the Amorites, the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee: That they teach you not to do after all their abominations, which they have done unto their gods; so should ye sin against the LORD your God.

When thou shalt besiege a city a long time, in making war against it to take it, thou shalt not destroy the trees thereof by forcing an axe against them: for thou mayest eat of them, and thou shalt not cut them down (for the tree of the field is man's life) to employ them in the siege: Only the trees which thou knowest that they be not trees for meat, thou shalt destroy and cut them down; and thou shalt build bulwarks against the city that maketh war with thee, until it be subdued.

Based on this text, the first thing you must decide is whether this enemy is near or far. The rules are different. In the case of a spiritual stronghold in one of your children, I will answer that question for you. The enemy is VERY near! The directive in such a case is complete annihilation. No survivors to tell the tale. Psalm 18:40-42 says,

Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies; that I might destroy them that hate me. They cried, but there was none to save them: even unto the LORD, but he answered them not. Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind: I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.

Trust me. This enemy hates you. If you can't get angry enough at the devil for destroying your little one to beat him to powder, then what will it take to get your attention? This is holy anger. It isn't sinful. It is righteousness. Go ahead and get mad!

A siege is a long haul rather than a short campaign. Standard sieges in those days lasted for two years or more. There is a very serious danger of giving up too soon. When the king of Israel visited Elisha, he quit too soon.

And he said, Take the arrows. And he took them. And he said unto the king of Israel, Smite upon the ground. And he smote thrice, and stayed. And the man of God was wroth with him, and said, Thou shouldest have smitten five or six times; then hadst thou smitten Syria till thou hadst consumed it: whereas now thou shalt smite Syria but thrice (2 Kings 13:18-19).

You absolutely cannot quit until every vestige of the stronghold of anger is destroyed and you stand on top of the ashes the victor.

This is how the siege works. It isn't a frontal assault. It is a slow-moving, long-haul, patience-demanding experience. The goal is to cut off all resources (both natural and spiritual) and starve the enemy out into the open. This is accomplished by surrounding and isolating. Start by setting your child in front of you (don't wait for an outburst to begin). Lay your hands on his head and pray in the authority of the name of Jesus. Speak directly to the devil and the stronghold of anger. Command the strongholds of anger and bitterness to be cast down in Jesus' name, and command the devil to leave your child. Encourage your child to repent for holding bitterness, unforgiveness, and all of the bad things that he has done, but don't try to force him to do so. Explain to him the things you are reading here, and tell him he is still in the wrong for his actions. Let the Lord weigh his deeds on his conscience. Regardless of his response, the battle is on. Don't stop now!

This bold step is roughly the same as the proclamation of Deuteronomy 20:10, "When thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it, then proclaim peace unto it." Remember that this "city" is near; however, so no peace terms are acceptable. A proclamation of annihilation is more appropriate in this case. Don't fear this! It is straight from the Word of God.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).

Now that the siege has commenced, surround the city. This is done with prayer and fasting. Jesus said, "This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting" (Mark 9:29). Take 3 days off and do nothing but pray and fast (eat nothing) for this specific situation. Let your child see you do it. Pray in his room. Pray over his bed, his clothes, his toys, and everything else possible. March some laps around your house. Go walk a few laps around his school and pray, pray, pray!

After this initial engagement of the enemy, you will know when the devil sticks his head out of the hold. He may not do it right away. He may go into hiding for a while. Remember, he has a well stocked fortress inside of your child. He isn't planning to leave without a knock-down drag-out. So, plan to knock him down and drag him out.

Pray about the issue every day, but go back to business as usual. When you see or hear your child do or say the first thing that is out of the way, you will know the fight is on. That is the very moment that you stop everything and begin your fasting and praying. You may be midway through your favorite meal. Let the rest rot if necessary. Don't eat another bite or drink another drop and don't sleep a wink until your child is at peace. You won't simply be praying at this point. You will need to directly engage your child. Go right in his room. Literally surround him. Don't let him access toys, TV, anything to fidget with at all. Restrain him if necessary (and it will probably be necessary), but bring him under your complete authority.

I want to interject here the importance of praying in the Spirit. If you have not received the Baptism in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in other tongues, then now is the time to do so. If you need help, you can get my book, "Evidence for Speaking in Tongues: Fanning the Flames of Revival." Praying in the Spirit is a powerful spiritual weapon that God has given Christians.

Remember, this is a siege. You may need to repeat all of the steps above over and over again. You will probably have sleepless nights and red-eyed days. Don't give up. The devil is patient, but he can be defeated! The stronghold can be brought down.

In the interim time, you will need to spend time talking to your child about the intrusion of the enemy in his life. You may already know where it began. Talk about it. Your child may resist. He may actually try to fight on the devil's side. It doesn't matter really because you are fighting on the Lord's side. To the victor go the spoils. Your child is the spoils. Triumph and you will win all. When the time is right, teach your child to repent. Teach him to forgive the wrongs of others even if they never apologize. Teach him to fear God, and teach him to pray in faith. I believe that children with anger problems would like to be better. Show him how.

If you are like me, you are probably wondering how I know that this type of anger is a spiritual stronghold and that the devil is actually involved. The clear answer to this is that the anger has a will. Inanimate forces do not have wills. Abstract ideas do not have wills, but devils do. They have desires, and seek satisfaction for those desires. "I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not...Send us into the swine" (Mark 5:7, 12). What does the anger in your child desire? It desires the same thing that every demonic anger desires. It desires to tear your home apart piece by piece and you limb from limb. Have you ever noticed that when the anger finally subsides that the angry person feels better? Sure, they may have remorse over the damage done, but it is almost as if there is satisfaction in the explosion. Why do you think this is?

The demonic powers are never satisfied until the anger is vented. This is another reason why "punching a pillow" is a terrible suggestion to one suffering from anger. It teaches the person to let the anger out. The exact opposite is true. The answer to anger is suffocation, not release. Release only makes the stronghold stronger. Don't let that devil have his will. Force him in the name of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit to surrender to yours.

After repeating the steps of the siege, you will probably have a season of peace. You may even think the problem has gone away. Rejoice in the peace, but don't lay down your sword just yet. Demonic dormancy is another tactic of the enemy to catch us off guard. Be prepared to start right where you left off at any moment.

Be prepared to fight your own discouragement, but please understand that on the other side of the siege is victory! Praise the Lord!

Chapter 2

# Children and Demons

I could not believe my ears. I held her in my arms as she kicked and screamed with all the power she had. She was only three years old. She did not know enough to pretend. As she screamed, her voice became distorted, and she began to repeatedly shout, "Satan! Satan! Satan!"

How does a three-year-old get in this condition, and what can be done about it? Fortunately, a lot can be done, but honest recognition of the real problem is imperative. This kind of problem can't be sugar coated, and it doesn't just go away by "making good choices." I have heard many an educator say of a demon inspired fit, "Randy isn't making good choices today." Choices just simply isn't the problem. The problem is demonic.

Demonic involvement has as many faces as people have, but there are some characteristics that are repeatedly observable, and some ways that we can classify this involvement. Maybe it would communicate better to simply say there are levels of demonic activity in children.

  1. A demonic spirit can temporarily trouble a child.

  2. A demonic spirit can build a stronghold in a child.

  3. A demonic spirit can possess a child.

Troubling Spirits

At this level, the demonic spirit is more of a nuisance than a life-controlling problem. This is normally temporary and does not necessary lead to anything, but it is important to understand because it will explain many things related to the behavior of children.

In the book, The Pilgrim's Progress, John Bunyan portrayed a scene in which Christian was followed by a demonic spirit. The spirit whispered thoughts into his head, but Christian was not aware of the spirit's presence. Therefore, he thought that these were his own thoughts. Demonic spirits can indeed do this. Subtlety is their weapon in this situation. Consider these examples.

Peter rebuked Jesus. Can you imagine him looking back on that occasion years later? "What was I thinking?" Jesus made it clear what Peter was thinking, "But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan" (Matthew 16:23). Did Jesus call Peter "Satan," or did He recognize the actual presence of Satan motivating Peter to speak as he did? Even though Jesus spoke to Peter, it is very clear that He recognized the voice of His enemy in the mix.

On another occasion, Jesus told James and John, "Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of" (Luke 9:55). Were these disciples being influenced by a spirit literally? We know that it is possible for a "lying spirit" to speak into someone's ear (1 King 22 and 2 Chronicles 18). Is that what was happening with James and John?

In both the cases of Peter and James and John, the whispering devils did not inhabit the disciples. It spoke in their ears and possibly bothered their emotions. This is exactly what a troubling spirit does. It brings trouble. To illustrate this point, I will share an all too familiar scenario that is played out in churches regularly.

The pastor comes to the end of a moving sermon. People are touched and begin to feel the drawing of the Spirit of God. The music plays softly as the pastor makes the invitation. All of a sudden a baby cries out with absolutely no reverence of the moment. Parents are distracted. Others are bothered. The pastor feels helpless. The Spirit is quenched. The service ends. Why does this happen so often? The baby did not plan this to be so perfectly timed. Is it mere coincidence? Think again! I am not saying that your child is demon possessed if he or she cries during a serious moment at church. What I am saying is that devils trouble children at opportune times.

When I was less than two, my parents moved into a church parsonage that was haunted. If you don't believe in haunted houses, then just go along with this for a minute. On one occasion, my mother heard me screaming from my crib. Of course, she ran to see what was wrong, but as soon as she entered the room, I immediately stopped screaming and was peacefully asleep. This was only one of the weird things that happened there, but enough to simply illustrate that demons can affect children. Now, we will consider the next level of demonic interference.

Demonic Strongholds

We talked about strongholds in the last chapter a bit, so here we can elaborate. Strongholds are areas of a person's life that have become the possession of the enemy. The enemy is not in control of the person in total, but it seems that there is no escaping his influence in one particular area.

Have you ever noticed that your child gets in trouble for the same thing over and over again? They rarely get in trouble for something else. It's almost always the same thing. This is a guaranteed tip off that there is a demonic stronghold in that area.

This is exactly why drug addiction programs and things like Alcoholic's Anonymous (AA) don't work. The most surprising fact is that they even admit their abysmal failure. AA teaches their clients that they will be alcoholics for the rest of their lives. They tell them it is an incurable disease (please don't fall for this lie of Satan). Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult for an alcoholic to be "clean"?

Drug programs constantly talk of the two types of addictions their clients face. The first is the physical addiction and the other is what they call the psychological addiction. What that really means is that after the physical addiction wears off, there is a continued problem that neither medical science nor psychology can explain. What exactly is a psychological addiction? It is the figment of the imagination of the psychologists that simply won't admit that they don't know.

The psychologists have correctly observed that there is something more than physical, but a blatant refusal to admit or recognize demonic spirits prevents them from understanding the real problem. The real problem is a spiritual stronghold that is personally owned by a real demon with real property rights to the site. It isn't psychological at all. Psychology has to do with the mind. Spirits are not confined to the mind at all. They can affect the mind, of course, but they can also greatly affect the body (Luke 13:16). Repeating a mantra (Hindu in origin, these are often called positive affirmations), is not going to solve the problem. In reality, the devil is laughing at this attempt. It's like your mechanic telling you that your transmission problem will go away if you just say, "Start the engine and press the gas" twenty times a day. It just isn't going to work.

The only way to deal with a spiritual stronghold is to deal with it spiritually!

  1.     1. You must identify the source of the stronghold. When did the problem begin? Was there a sin committed by your child or by someone else that triggered the beginning? Is this a generation problem (meaning it seems to be inherited from a parent or grandparent)?

    2. You must lead (not force) your child to repent. Repent for the original sin even if it was someone else who committed the sin (i.e. the Bible has examples of people repenting for the sins of their fathers – see Nehemiah 9:2 and Daniel 9:16). You may also need to repent for things during this process.

    3. You must cast out the devil and tear down the stronghold. Just speak directly to the devil. Tell him to leave in the name of Jesus and command that the stronghold be destroyed (see 2 Corinthians 10:4).

    4. Be prepared to lay siege. (See chapter 1).

Demon Possession

I am aware that the very idea of demonic possession sets many people on edge. I am also aware that many Christians do not even believe in demonic activity in the present day (especially in America). I have even heard well-meaning explanations as to why demonic activity was so prevalent in the Gospels but nearly absent in the good old USA. On top of that, no parent wants to even consider the possibility that their own child is possessed by a demon. Regardless of our personal feelings on the matter, the Bible is very clear that demonic possession is a reality. To say otherwise is to conflict with the message of Scripture.

In modern America, we are so careful in everything we say. We don't want anyone to be offended. As a result, we often become callous to the things around us. This has most certainly happened in regard to demonic involvement. Ruling out the possibilities of demonic involvement in human behavior is like ruling out the possibility of God's involvement in creation. So, how do we know whether or not a demon is involved?

After many years of experience and thought on this subject, I think that it is entirely the wrong question to ask, Is my child being influenced by demons? I think it is a better question to ask, How has my child already been influenced by demons? We must not assume that the devil will somehow overlook our child. Preachers often proclaim, "God has a plan for your life!" Well, the same is true of the devil. He has a plan for your life too, but he also has a plan for your child's life. Are we ready to admit this reality? So, how do you know? Below, you will find an list of examples. The list is only suggestive and by no means exhaustive. Even in this, it is possible to be wrong, so pray for discernment (1 Corinthians 12:10).

Signs of Demonic Involvement

  1.     1. Child talks to self in a conversational manner

    2. Child talks in unintelligible sounds that sound like a foreign language (mostly observed in small and or disabled children)

    3. Child cuts or intentionally harms self

    4. Child tells lies without the motive of avoiding trouble

    5. Child has an attachment to a particular stuffed animal or doll

    6. Child has imaginary friends

    7. Child seems to be acting out some kind of fairy tale or the life of a cartoon character

    8. Child plays with feces or other abnormal behavior related to the bathroom

    9. Child goes into "shut-down" when scolded

    10. Child has a heightened awareness and interest in sexual things

    11. Child demonstrates excessive fear or depression

    12. Child has frequent nightmares

    13. Child seems overly concerned with death

    14. Child draws pictures that portray things you would not expect in a child's drawing (i.e. a dead person with an "x" on the eyes)

    15. Child eats strange things (non-food items), steals food, and never seems satisfied of hunger

    16. Child pouts excessively

    17. Child recovers from mild adversity slower than would be expected

    18. Child has seizures

    19. Child throws frequent tantrums

    20. Any other behavior that seems odd, out-of-place, or completely unexplainable

Demonic possession is somewhat different than a demonic stronghold in that a stronghold seems to be mostly concentrated in one area of life. The person can function in a normal capacity in most other areas. Demonic possession is life controlling. It is also different in another significant way. It seems very clear through observation that there are two kinds of possession – namely, sporadic and permanent.

What I will call sporadic possession is somewhat like one of those retired RV travelers. They don't stay in one place too long. They come and go as they please often visiting the same places over and over.

When the unclean spirit is gone [notice "gone" rather than "cast"] out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first (Matthew 12:43-45).

Luke 9:39 also seems to indicate that this type of spirit was in view. The spirit "taketh him" may indicate that there were times when the spirit did not take him.

I have observed this to be the case. There are times when it is quite clear that someone is being affected by a spirit, and then the next time they are present, they seem perfectly normal. When I first began to notice this, I naturally assumed that I had been mistaken in my first observation; however, I realize now that spirits can come and go in people. People who have this type of spirit can often function in society even if in a dysfunctional way.

The second type of possession is permanent residence. This is a person who is inhabited by an evil spirit every day all day long. To get a clear picture, these individuals are usually classified by psychologists as schizophrenic, multiple personality disorders, and so forth. These individuals generally cannot function in normal society. This type of possession is seen in Mark 5:1-20.

Regardless of the type of possession, the answer to the problem is the same. The demon must be cast out in the name of Jesus. When reading the Gospels, it is overwhelming how much attention is given to the casting out of devils.

And when he had called unto him his twelve disciples, he gave them power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease (Matthew 10:1).

And they cast out many devils, and anointed with oil many that were sick, and healed them (Mark 6:13).

And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues (Mark 16:17).

Casting out devils (demons) is part of normal Christian ministry as defined in the New Testament. In every case, it was the power and authority of the name of Jesus that caused the devils to leave. There is a caution here that needs to be mentioned. Demons know more about us than we do about them. They know whether we stand as a true servant of Christ or as a pretender.

Then certain of the vagabond Jews, exorcists, took upon them to call over them which had evil spirits the name of the Lord Jesus, saying, We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth. And there were seven sons of one Sceva, a Jew, and chief of the priests, which did so. And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye? And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded. And this was known to all the Jews and Greeks also dwelling at Ephesus; and fear fell on them all, and the name of the Lord Jesus was magnified (Acts 19:13-17).

Self-examination (1 Corinthians 11:28 and 2 Corinthians 13:5) is in order here. If you need help with this, see my free resources Test Your Faith and Is Your Christianity Working?

Once you know that you are spiritually ready, go cast the devil out of your child in the name of Jesus. Do so with a loud voice and all the authority that Jesus has given you to do so. Follow your command with a command not to re-enter. "I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him" (Mark 9:25). This will prevent the reality of Matthew 12:43-45 quoted above.

After Care

I cannot possibly overemphasize the importance of this particular section. Jesus once told a man, "Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee" (John 5:14). I am aware that Jesus was talking about a physical healing, but we have already seen the reality that spirits like to return to their previous residence. If the "house" is "empty, swept, and garnished" (Matthew 12:44), then the spirit has no problem entering with his evil friends, but what happens when he finds that "house" occupied?

This is why it is absolutely critical that the person who is delivered from a demon be infilled with the Holy Spirit. If you have not secured the true and genuine conversion of your child, then that is of the utmost importance. Ask any real estate person what happens when a house is left empty for a while. It isn't good! The house must become occupied. Teach your child about sin, judgment, and the wrath of God. Teach them how to repent and accept Christ as their Savior. Teach them to live holy. Then stand guard like an armed warrior. See chapter 9 for help with this.

Chapter 3

# Dancing With the Devil

Phil Driscoll recorded a song that said, "Don't dance with the devil. He'll make a fool out of you!" Yet, even Christian people dance with the devil in so many ways it is simply frightening. It isn't surprising that so many are made "fools" as the song says. Well, I don't want to be a fool, and I don't want you to be one either. This chapter will simply review some modern trends and activities that Christians should completely and absolutely avoid both personally and for their children.

The Babysitter

Have you ever interviewed a babysitter? What if your child's prospective babysitter had a resume that read as follows:

Consults Ouija Board, read crystal ball, occasionally contact the dead, cast spells, etc.

Would you hire that person to supervise your children? Well, if you ever allow Disney to supervise your children, then the answer is "YES!" Most people do not take this seriously. I have become quite amazed to think of how much occultism is fed to children through movies, television, and books. It is overwhelming. Disney is the worst, but they are certainly not alone. Even the "good guys" in the movies are ready participants in the occult.

My job allows me to observe students everyday all day long. There is no question that these influences affect them. A little girl once found something on the playground that looked like some kind of costume jewelry. The first thing she asked when I saw her was, "Is this magical?" Another little girl laid down on the floor with both hands extended and announced to everyone listening, "I'm summonsing something."

My question is simply, "What if it works?"

Children who are allowed to "play" with these kinds of things are opened up to demonic influence. It doesn't matter whether it is Disney, magical unicorns, or some other thing that seems "harmless." The devil wants us to think these things are harmless. He wants us to even think they are beautiful. "And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14).

I make it a point to look at what my students are reading. I was shocked when I saw a book called "The Prince of Persia." I had to look twice to make sure I had seen it correctly. Let's see what the Bible says about the "Prince of Persia."

Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me...

Then there came again and touched me one like the appearance of a man, and he strengthened me, And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me. Then said he, Knowest thou wherefore I come unto thee? and now will I return to fight with the prince of Persia: and when I am gone forth, lo, the prince of Grecia shall come. But I will shew thee that which is noted in the scripture of truth: and there is none that holdeth with me in these things, but Michael your prince (Daniel 10:12-13, 18-21).

To make this very clear, the "Prince of Persia" is a demonic power that was fighting against the angels of God. Do we want our children reading this? What happens if we let them?

I have come to an understanding of this that is utterly frightening. In 2 Corinthians 6:15-18 the Bible says,

And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty (emphasis added).

I have a question. What happens if you do touch the unclean thing? As an example, the Lion King has the famous scene where the main character through what we would call a witch doctor contacts his dead father. This is sorcery in the highest degree. Saul, the first king of Israel, was severely punished for this.

So Saul died for his transgression which he committed against the LORD, even against the word of the LORD, which he kept not, and also for asking counsel of one that had a familiar spirit, to enquire of it (1 Chronicles 10:13, see also 1 Samuel 28).

What happens if a Christian (child or adult) participates (by watching) in the sorcery of the Lion King? Obviously the "unclean thing" has been touched. "And touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty" (2 Corinthians 6:17-18). Will He still receive? Will He still be a Father? The promise is most definitely conditional and the condition has not been met. So, what happens?

The Bible answers that question. "And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient" (Romans 1:28). Don't be offended, and don't say, My mind isn't reprobate. We should not ask ourselves IF our mind is reprobate. That would be the wrong question. We should readily assume that our mind is already reprobate and needs constant care to be renewed (see Romans 12:2). How much more should we refuse to defend the soundness of a child's mind?

Halloween

Since we are on the subject of children and the occult, let's consider Halloween. Just pick a random kid and ask, "What is your favorite holiday?" Depending on the time of year, you will be surprised how many will say, "Halloween." It isn't at all surprising that children would love Halloween. They associate it with candy, games, etc. What I can't understand is why Bible believing Christians set aside all their religion to dress up like a witch or vampire one day out of the year.

I previously published a tract on this subject entitled, "Have You Ever Looked Up the Word Demon?" The remainder of this section is material from that tract.

Is Halloween just a night of fun and candy? If so, then why is the assortment of costumes loaded with fairies, witches, vampires, and godless superheroes. Is it just me, or does the Bible make some very clear statements about these sorts of things?

There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch, Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits [i.e. fairy], or a wizard, or a necromancer. For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee (Deuteronomy 18:10).

Therefore I said unto the children of Israel, No soul of you shall eat blood, neither shall any stranger that sojourneth among you eat blood [Vampire] (Leviticus 17:12).

There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown [superheros] (Genesis 6:4).

I have a question. How much Halloween should a Christian celebrate? How much "fun" should we have pretending to be something that God despises? How much of the devil do we want our children to "enjoy" for an evening?

It always amazes me when I see professing "Christians" celebrate and promote Halloween. 1 John 1:6 says, "If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth." Maybe we should just set that verse aside for an evening.

I have another question. What if Jesus returns on October 31? He said He would come at a time when people least expect it. I'd say October 31 is a good candidate for that qualification. What would happen? Is Jesus going to rapture the "saints" right out of their vampire costumes? Is he going to blow off the fairy dust before ushering His children into the glorious Kingdom? "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you" (2 Corinthians 6:17). What if you are wearing the unclean thing? Is this verse suspended on October 31?

Can you even imagine Paul the Apostle saying "Trick or Treat"? What about John the Beloved sending his children out as fairies and elves, or maybe even Peter playing a vampire all in good fun. Would Jesus dress up like Superman? Insulting, isn't it. It sounds crude and almost blasphemous to even mention such things, yet "Christians" do it every year.

Jesus is calling His faithful to be holy in an unholy generation. It doesn't matter what the world thinks. It doesn't even matter what the "church" thinks. "God is not mocked."

If you have already made plans to celebrate Halloween, it isn't too late to repent. Throw away your costume. Don't return it to the store. Take the loss. Burn it if you want. Don't try to dress up the party as religious either (i.e. fall festival). That didn't work for the Catholics, and it isn't going to work for you either. Have your fall festival in November if you want. Don't sell pumpkins. You might as well sell Ouija boards. Making money off of Halloween must surely be repulsive to God.

Teach your children a new way that leads to life. Set an example in your family, your neighborhood, and your community. We can never take a night off from serving Jesus. Who knows? He may come when we least expect it.

Yoga

It is absolutely amazing how often Yoga surfaces nowadays. Almost without fail, when my students hear music that sounds Asian, one of them will assume the Yoga meditation pose. Where are they learning this?

I am not trying to make a long story here, so simply put, Yoga is ENTIRELY demonic. It originates in Hindu and Buddhist practices and opens its participants up to demonic intrusion. If you participate in Yoga, you must stop and repent immediately. Don't wait till you read the rest of this book to see where it is going. Put the book down, and repent. If your kids are "pretending" related to Yoga, teach them not to do so.

Hypnotism

I remember watching cartoons (by the way, this is where much evil is transferred to your children) when I was a kid. Frequently, one of the characters hypnotized another character. Kids will imitate what they see on TV. Like Yoga, hypnotism is ENTIRELY demonic and opens the participant up to demonic intrusion.

There was a man in my church some years ago that was talking about what his kids watch on TV. He said, "You just have to do the best you can. You can't control everything."

I said, "Yes you can! If you look on the remote control, you will find a button that says 'power.'"

I know that people think I am crazy when I tell them my family doesn't watch TV. Upon learning this, one Christian who is a prominent local radio host asked my wife, "What kind of Christian are you?" In answer to that question, we are the kind that takes the Bible seriously. We don't entertain ourselves with fornication, beer commercials, occultic practices, and the Lord's name in vain every 30 seconds. We turned the TV off permanently years ago and have never regretted it. It would be a long story to share the positive impact that has made in our spiritual lives, but suffice it to say that it has forever changed us.

How Are the Children?

"They are cursed!"

My wife knows when I say this, it isn't because I have any bad feelings toward the little ones I teach. It is quite the contrary. She knows that I am referring to their clothes. Children often announce the curses that their parents have allowed into their lives by the clothes they wear. Nowadays, clothing often just says it plainly. There is no reason to be confused over the matter.

"Cats are my spirit animal." According to the Oxford Dictionary, a familiar spirit is "a demon supposedly attending and obeying a witch, often said to assume the form of an animal" (emphasis mine). "I love unicorns." Unicorns were real animals (see Numbers 23:22 and 8 other places in the Bible). My guess is that they were some kind of dinosaur like a triceratops, but they certainly weren't one-horned magical horses!

Magic, magic, magic. Everything must be magical. Others wear clothes that have clear Masonic symbols. There was a fad a couple of years ago where King Tut was on clothes. Talk about a symbol of curse. We look at a child wearing the "all-seeing-eye" (look at the pyramid on a one-dollar bill if you don't know) and wonder why he is acting the way he is. From skulls and zombies to fairies, Pokemon, and leprechauns, kids wear anything and everything.

Now, I know many people will say, I don't believe in curses. My suggestion is that you read Deuteronomy 28 every day until you do believe. There is a reason that the word "curse" is in 169 different verses in the Bible.

Others will simply dismiss the matter by saying, Christians cannot be cursed. My wife and I were once at the home of a missionary. He told us that he had in his collection of books the "sacred" writings of Islam, Hinduism, and even the writings of Adolf Hitler. When it was suggested to him that these things would bring a curse. He smugly replied by quoting Proverbs 26:2, "The curse causeless shall not come."

It was impressive that he had that verse at ready recall, but I have a question. What if there is a cause? Galatians 3:10 makes it quite clear that all we have to do to become cursed is think that the law will save us. How much more if we play with the unclean things that God has unmistakably pronounced his judgment against as if they were "all in good fun"?

Taking Action

Pretend that you are a cancer surgeon and "cut it out." The Bible gives a different picture with the same result.

When ye be come into the land of Canaan, which I give to you for a possession, and I put the plague of leprosy in a house of the land of your possession;... Then the priest shall command that they take away the stones in which the plague is, and they shall cast them into an unclean place without the city: And he shall cause the house to be scraped within round about, and they shall pour out the dust that they scrape off without the city into an unclean place (Leviticus 14:34, 40-41).

Go though your house and get rid of everything that might offend God. Throw away movies, magazines, books, music, clothes (Check especially the labels on women's clothes. You don't want a "vixen" in your home. Look it up, and you will see.), jewelry, video games, and any other thing that offends God. This is not as simple as it may seem. Ask the Lord, "Father, please show me everything in my house that displeases you, so that I can throw it out." He will answer that prayer. Like the verse from Leviticus, scrape the very dust off the walls if necessary. Don't even think of saying, "That's the Law. Don't give me the Law." Jesus said the same thing only with the added penalty of hell.

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell (Matthew 5:29-30).

Explain to your family what you are doing. If you are a husband, call the family together and repent with them watching. Repent to God and repent to them for allowing these things in your home. If you are a wife, share what you have learned with your husband, and let him lead the way if he is willing. If he is not, you can still throw away your stuff and your kids' stuff. Both your husband and God will be watching.

Now when Ezra had prayed, and when he had confessed, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, there assembled unto him out of Israel a very great congregation of men and women and children: for the people wept very sore (Ezra 10:1).

You notice that only after Ezra confessed publicly, the people assembled. Go to war and cleanse your house.

Chapter 4

# Biting Dogs

When I was about twelve years old, my grandfather hired me to mow his yard. I didn't mind because he paid me $20 to do it, and that was a lot of money for me at that time. Once, while I was mowing, a small dog came into the yard. He was in the way, so I "shooed" him. He ran from me as expected, but I did not expect that he would run out in front of an oncoming car. I watched helplessly as the tires rolled over him. It is almost as if I can still hear the bones crunch!

The dog was not killed. Only the back half of the dog was hit, so he was as flat as a pancake on the lower half of his body. It was a busy street, and I knew other cars would be coming. I had to act fast. I ran out into the road to try to get the dog to safety, but he snapped at me. I backed up not sure what to do but still aware that more danger was immanent. Fortunately, my brother came running with a mop. When we put the mop near the dog, he bit it, and we were able to drag him to safety. I never realized at that time how important that story would be to my life until later on. I did learn an important lesson from the experience; however, injured dogs bite!

Later in life, I learned that injured humans bite too! Even the little humans!

I Am Not Your Enemy

For several years, I worked as an academic instructor in a prison. One day in the course of my duties, I went into the pod (housing unit) where I saw one of my students in a rage. He was yelling, cussing, and swinging his arms around like a wild man. I was a bit surprised because normally, he was very calm and peaceful. He had been my student for a while, so we had a rapport, but it didn't really matter at that moment. He was on a rampage.

I don't remember what caused his anger to turn on me, but all of a sudden, I was the target. I tried to reason with him for a moment, but he was too mad for that. Finally, I looked him straight in the eyes and shouted, "I AM NOT YOUR ENEMY!!!"

The Lord must have been with me that day because that statement hit this young man like a dart. He stopped yelling and flailing around and started listening. I was considerably relieved to say the least.

I knew that the young man was not mad at me any more than the little dog on the street was mad at me. He just had too many injuries (in his spirit and in his body) to be able to handle the reality that he was facing. Something had to give, and it really didn't matter who it was that got the short end of the stick. So, when your children start to "bite" each other and even you, it is time to start asking questions related to injuries.

Do You Accept His Apology?

I was a bit surprised when the eight-year-old girl answer that question, "NO!"

I asked, "Why not?"

"Cause, I know he is just going to do the same thing tomorrow!"

If this sounds like the children around you, you definitely have injuries to deal with in their lives. Injuries are peculiar things in the human soul. They don't just go away, and time most definitely does NOT heal all wounds. Let me illustrate with a parallel – physical wounds.

If you have an abrasion on your body, what happens if it isn't treated properly? It can become infected and create a much larger problem than the original problem ever was.

While the wound is still healing, what happens if it is scraped again? The wound re-opens and possibly becomes worse.

What happens if any of these problems repeats itself over and over again? You will eventually develop a callous.

Wounds to the spirit of man have much the same characteristics. If they are not handled properly, they will become infected (bitterness and hatred).

If there is a re-injury before healing has taken place, the original injury grows creating mistrust, self-protect, and fear.

If this injury is repeatedly re-injured, it produces hardness of heart.

What Causes Injury?

We have all been injured by others. Injury in this life is something that cannot be avoided. It is just part of being human. Just to get the idea, here are some common injuries that affect children.

  * Parent's get divorced

  * Getting blamed unfairly

  * Name calling or other belittling treatment

  * Unjust judgments from adults

  * Unsupportive/neglectful parent

  * Favoritism

We have all experiences some of these problems. So, what is the big deal? It isn't so much the problem as it is the lack of healing, repeated injury, and infection that takes place. Let me take a true scenario and play it out a bit.

Last summer, I saw a family that had two sons (probably about 8 and 6). The older one (I'll call him Gary) was bothered about something that the little one had done. When he told his mother, she said, "You just got to suck it up."

The look on Gary's face clearly shouted, "YOUR ADVICE ISN'T HELPING!!!"

She saw the look, but said, "You just got to suck it up." She said this several times as Gary expressed his disappointment without comment.

How long will it be before Gary stops bringing problems to Mom? How much resentment will build up toward Little Brother during this time.

I can just imagine a conversation between Mom and Little Brother twenty years from now.

Little Brother: Have you heard from Gary lately?

Mom: No. I haven't seen him in almost a year. He didn't even call on my birthday.

Little Brother: I haven't seen him either. I don't know why he is so hard to get along with. I know we had some problems growing up, but it just seems like he completely hates me. I don't even really know why?

Mom: Me either. I suppose we just have to suck it up and move on.

In this scenario, the deep hatred that has obviously built up in Gary toward his little brother is really his mother's fault. She was not a just judge in the situation. Assuming she continues to do this to him, he will likely learn to hate her and hate his brother as the natural fruit of the repeated injury.

In reality, it is easier for an adult to tell a child to "just get over" something than it is to wade through the details of each harassing problem that children create. What is even worse is to just punish both. "Both of you go to your rooms!" Group punishment is normally a gross injustice to someone. I will promise you one thing for sure and certain. When they come out of their rooms, they will still have the problem that started the matter. Now the problem is worse, and it is your fault. Either one or both of them trusted you to solve their problem, and you failed them miserably.

Two Errors

There are two major errors that adults make in dealing with children that are hurt. The first is to try to make the problem disappear by punishments. In reality, this is avoidance on a high level. If you have not taken the time to deal with the problems that your children bring to you, then you MUST start by making the humbling apology that they don't even know they need to hear. Most adults give me strange looks when I tell them to apologize to their children. Unfortunately, many refuse to do so, but I will tell you that this is an absolutely imperative action if you want healing between you and them.

A few years ago, I was talking with two men in my church. Both of them had been unsaved fathers until their children were grown. The relations between them and their children were strained at best and hostile at worst. I suggested that these two fathers humble themselves and offer an apology to their children. I even spelled it out for them to leave no room for confusion. I said something like this,

Why don't you call up your children and say, "You know, when you were a kid, I wasn't the best father in the world. I didn't teach you about God or take you to church. I really just lived for myself, and I know that I have caused you a lot of pain. I know that it isn't going to change that now, but for what it is worth, I'd just like to tell you I am sorry for being that way, and I'd like you to forgive me." I followed my demonstration of an apology by saying, "I think this would be very meaningful to your children."

Of course, both of these fathers blew off this advice out of hand, and guess what. Their relationships are still strained and hostile.

Apologizing to children is something that I practice. Just this week, I was using an Elmo with my class. I asked one boy to let me know if my writing wasn't on the screen. I had to correct several children for shouting out, so when he spoke up, I was quick to tell him, "Your name is going on the board if you don't stop!" Then I looked up and saw that my writing wasn't visible to the students. Wow! I asked him to help me, and when he did, I threatened him with punishment. Fortunately, I realized my error quickly and asked, "Is that why you called out?"

He answered, "Yes, sir."

I responded by saying, "I am very sorry for that. I was wrong. Can you forgive me?"

He said, "Yes, sir."

In my experiences of apologizing to children, I have learned that many of them are completely caught off guard when an adult apologizes. This leads me to believe that it is a very infrequent event in their lives. Adults often forget that children are people too. They have feelings, a sense of justice, and the God-given right to be taken seriously by the adults that have been entrusted with their care.

The other error that adults often make is to punish the immediate behavior without addressing the real problem. When two kids are punching each other, it is normally the wrong answer to punish them both equally, and asking who hit first doesn't solve the problem either. This leads us into the next section. Adults must learn how to perform the inquisition.

The Inquisition

Okay, so we aren't Catholic inquisitors with our children, but we do need to seek and destroy whatever is causing their problems. Something I have learned in dealing with children is that you absolutely MUST find the root of the problem. Otherwise, you are really helpless to find a viable solution to anything. Strangely enough, we can even pray wrongly if we don't clearly identify the problem. With this in mind, it is important to ask the revealer of secrets. He has amazing ways of showing you exactly what the problem is so that you can deal with it effectively.

We have a sliding glass door in our home. For several mornings, we noticed that it was unlocked. I assumed that I had forgotten to lock it the night before, but after several repetitions we became a little alarmed. My wife thought it was me forgetting, but also wondered if someone was opening it. I finally locked it with definite certainty one night and went to sleep. The next morning, it was open again. My wife decided to pray about it and said, "The revealer of secrets will show us." Within a few minutes, we had the answer to this perplexing problem. We have a roll-up shade that covers the glass. When we roll it up in the mornings, it sometimes bumps the locking mechanism on the way up. After days of concern, our problem was over with a simple prayer. I tell this story to encourage you to pray for revelation into your kid's problem. God will lead the investigation.

Once you have prayed, start asking questions. Here is a sample list, but the Lord will direct you in this as well.

  1. When did this start?

  2. What happened?

  3. Has this happened more than once?

  4. Who is involved?

  5. Is this problem fixable?

Once you get some information, you will begin to connect the story. You may be surprised where it leads. I often have been quite surprised to learn that things are not always as they appear.

I will also share a couple of tips for your inquisition. If you feel completely confused, it is probably a good indication that someone is telling lies. Look for slightly altered versions of the story as time passes. Finding a liar is frustrating and sometimes very difficult, but it can be done most of the time. If you feel like you are groping around in the dark, you probably haven't asked the right question or possibly have not asked the right person a question.

Learn to trust two witnesses with collaborated stories. This is the Biblical method in both Old and New Testaments. The testimony of two witnesses that do not appear to be in collusion is enough evidence to bring action.

Your inquisition isn't over until you find out who caused the harm (either the immediate harm or the long-past harm and sometimes both). Be ready to admit it if you find that you have caused harm even if yours was only circumstantial (i.e. you didn't deal with this problem the first time). Once you have a name, you are ready to move into the next phase – confrontation.

The Confrontation

Most people have absolutely no idea how important confrontation is in life. Most Christians do not realize that it is a Biblical mandate (Matthew 18:15 and Luke 17:3). If the person-at-fault is available, then bring everyone together to confront the situation head on. Your child needs to be present for this. It is best if you coach your child to confront the situation unless they are too young. Don't shelter them from this. It will only lead to future intimidation.

For a moment, I will assume the problem is between two brothers (however it can work between a child and an adult as well). Bring both brothers together and prompt the injured one by saying, "Do you have something you want to say to your brother?"

He may beat around the bush for a moment, but hopefully, he will clearly identify the problem, "It really hurts my feelings when you make fun of my teeth."

Normally, a direct confrontation like this gets a response of some kind. This conversation could not happen without an adult present. Kids don't take each other seriously, but when a silent adult is simply providing prompts, they can really get to the matter.

Hopefully the brother will say, "I was only kidding. I didn't know it bothered you."

"Well it does."

Another prompt may be necessary, but this time to the offending brother, "Do you have anything you want to say?"

"I'm sorry."

Again, another prompt, "Do you accept his apology?"

"Yes."

Hooray! Healing has begun. Now, I know that it isn't always that simple, but many times it is. Let me tell you, these problems can be extremely petty. They can be completely exasperating as well. If it takes an extended period of time and considerable effort, you will be tempted to say, "Just suck it up," but you already know that is the wrong answer. Take the time to weed through the foolishness.

Earlier this year, I spent several days in intense inquisition trying to sort out a problem over a yo-yo. I questioned kid after kid on repeated occasions before coming up with the real story. You might want to say, "It's just a yo-yo. You all knock it off." Don't give up; however, you might be surprised how much good was done in the process of the yo-yo fiasco.

In the end, several positive things happen no matter what the results are. First, you are spending quality time with your child. Children rarely have their parent's undivided attention these days. Granted, this is not what most of us think about when we consider quality time, but you must understand that this is quality time of the highest value. Second, you are making lasting deposits into your childrens' lives. They are learning to trust you to help them through problems. This will pay HUGE dividends when they are teens. If they can't trust you, who can they turn to? I'll leave that frightening answer to you. Third, you are teaching them Biblical standards of human relationships. They will see those principles modeled before their very eyes. There is something powerful to this, and the power is from God because it is His Word on which it is based.

Unfixable

What if the injury is unfixable? Many injuries between people are not fixable. Sometimes, people are not willing to fix things. Other times, they may have moved on and are no longer available. As a case in point, how does an abandoned spouse fix the hurt that this caused to the children who are left behind as well? The run-away is gone! How do you fix that injury?

The beauty of being a believer is that we do indeed believe. We aren't like the other religions of the world because our belief is based on a real God who loves us and wants to help us. He is willing and waiting for us to ask. Here is how.

  1. Pray for guidance to clearly identify the problem (sometimes this is easy in these cases).

  2. Bring the problem to God and clearly spell it out. "Dear God. You know Dad has left us, and this has really hurt me badly."

  3. Even in the most trying of circumstances, you must recognize that God is working (see Romans 8:28 and 1 Thessalonians 5:18), so give Him thanks. "Even though I am hurt, I thank you for this because I know you are still working in my life."

  4. Pray for the person (Matthew 5:44). "Lord, I know that Dad has done wrong, but I pray that you will forgive him for what he has done."

  5. Release the person to God (Romans 12:19). "God, I release Dad to you. I forgive him and will not hold him accountable for this any longer."

  6. Request healing (Luke 4:18). "Lord Jesus, I know you said that you came to 'bind up the brokenhearted.' Well, my heart sure is broken. I ask that you would heal my heart and take away all the bad feelings I have toward Dad. I ask this in Jesus' Name, amen."

My suggestion is that you do this for yourself also by making a list of people to go through this prayer about. Our God is the healer of broken hearts. Give it a try. You will be absolutely surprised at the weight that will come off of you even if you don't feel it now. Then you will be able to help your little one do the same.

Chapter 5

# The Iniquity of the Fathers

"My mom is in prison. My dad is in prison. My brother is in prison. Everyone in my family is in prison."

As I looked into the sad eyes on the other side of the table, I realized that this young man was caught in a spiral that was heading only in one direction. Why? Why do so many people face the same life controlling problems that their parents have faced? It seems sometimes that there is no way out of it. Fortunately, there is hope not only for you, but for your children as well.

"I Don't Believe in Generational Curses"

If this sounds like you, then you must not believe in the Ten Commandments either because that is where God began to clearly spell out His dealings in regard to this subject.

For I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me (Exodus 20:5).

Not only did God carve these words in stone with His own finger, but He stated them again in grand fashion. You probably remember the second time that Moses went up Mt. Sinai. While he was there, he asked God if he could see Him.

And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen (Exodus 33:21-23).

On this awesome occasion, the Lord made a proclamation that is often referenced throughout the Bible. This is what God said:

The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation (Exodus 34:6-7, emphasis added).

It doesn't stop there. This same statement is repeated elsewhere in the Bible as well. There is absolutely no question as to the fact that God thought this was important for us to know. But, what does it mean?

It would seem easy enough to say that it means God's divine wrath will visit the children to the fourth generation. Matthew Henry makes this case.

If idolaters live to be old, so as to see their children of the third or fourth generation, it shall be the vexation of their eyes, and the breaking of their hearts, to see them fall by the sword, carried captive, and enslaved.

The only problem with that interpretation is that Deuteronomy and Ezekiel say something that must be taken into consideration.

The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin (Deuteronomy 24:16).

The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son (Ezekiel 18:20).

God "visits" the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, but the children do not "bear" the iniquity of the fathers. This seems quite contradictory until we apply the concept of generational curses. A generational curse is a sinful behavior that is passed from father (or mother) to child repeatedly. When we apply that understanding to the Biblical text, it all makes sense.

A father bows down to worship an idol. The curse of Exodus 20:5 is generated.

The son follows in his father's footsteps. The curse is propagated.

The grandson refuses idols. The curse is negated.

The great-grandson goes back to idols. The curse is reactivated.

So what does it mean for God to "visit" the children? It means that the children are worthy of that visit because they have become participants in the iniquities of their fathers. What does it mean for the son not to "bear" the iniquities of the father. It means that the son has refused to walk in his father's footsteps and will escape the "visit" that he sees all around him.

I think the inverse of the famous Proverb will make a lot of sense at this moment. We are all familiar with Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I think the inverse of this is also true. I will restate the verse with one addition. Train up a child in the way he should [not] go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. This is the generation curse in action. To deny the reality of this is to deny both the Bible and easily observed phenomena right around all of us.

Breaking the Cycle

I'd like to tell you that a simple prayer will fix this problem permanently, but it won't. Remember that the "visits" are to the third and fourth generation. Why does God need to "visit" them? Because they have reactivated the curse. What if one generation escapes? Then that one is free, but the curse continues underground waiting on a future victim. The curse can be broken of all its power from you, yet still manifest in your child or even grandchild. To start, you will need to make sure that it is broken off of yourself.

Before I continue on this line, I'd like to make a few comments on this idea. What if the curse comes through your spouse rather than yourself. This is frustrating, but it actually bears some hope, because you are not subject to it yourself. As a result, you can see the situation more clearly than your spouse and your children. You will be able to assist greatly in their deliverance. Now, we will move back into how to break free.

First, you must clearly and honestly identify the problem. I will use drinking as an example, but the same principles apply regardless of the sin in question.

Bad example: My family has suffered from the terrible disease of alcoholism for many generations. This approach places the blame elsewhere. You will not have victory unless the blame is squarely on YOU.

Good example: Drunkenness is a generational curse in my family. It is not a disease. It is a sin.

Second, you must repent for participating in this sin. This means a complete and total cease. Pour out the bottles, stop buying more, and trust God to help you resist with all His power.

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Either this verse is true or it isn't. Make it be true in your life. "Can't" is not an option!

Third, pray that God will break the curse and completely take away the desire from you. Part of your prayer will need to be repentance for the iniquity of your fathers.

If they shall confess their iniquity, and the iniquity of their fathers, ... Then will I remember my covenant (Leviticus 26:40, 42, emphasis added).

You must be willing to believe that He can deliver you from this problem. If you can't have faith to believe it, then you will not be victorious. Pray this in Jesus' name till you know that you have won! Once, you know that you are free, beware that the tempter may show up again. He may wait for years, so just be on guard.

Now, it is time to consider throwing the life-line to your child. You won't be able to help them until you are helped yourself.

Chapter 6

# My Stomach Hurts

"My stomach hurts," said Lucy. Of course, her face was pulled into the grimace of pain as she spoke.

"I am not sending you to the school nurse again," said Mrs. Wiseman. "I have already sent you twice today, and the nurse has told me that there isn't anything wrong with you."

"But it huuuuurts."

"Well, you're just going to have to sit still till it stops hurting."

Trust me when I say that every seasoned school teacher has met Lucy. If it isn't a fake stomach ache, it is a mosquito bite or a lost jacket or sore gums or some other problem that simply can't wait. This is one of the most aggravating problems that a teacher must deal with, and it doesn't stop with the lower grades. It continues on and on. If you have a child that constantly demands attention, it is a clear sign of malnutrition.

When I say "malnutrition," I am not talking about food. I am talking about spiritual malnutrition. In other words, there is something lacking. There is some ingredient to spiritual health that should be present in the child's life, but it has been neglected.

Paul says that we are to bring up children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Noah Webster defines "nurture" as "That which promotes growth; education; instruction." Nurture has many facets, so in this chapter, we will look at a few of those basic needs.

Spiritual Attention

Any time I read statistics about children and their parents, I am always surprised at how little time parents spend with their children in meaningful relations. They take them places and buy them things often, but they statistically neglect one of the absolute essential needs that all children have and that is the need for meaningful attention. After a steady diet of neglect in this area, it isn't a wonder that most young people turn to their peers rather than their parents when they hit the teenage years. All children need personalized, individualized attention, but if you want your children to be spiritually healthy, they need that attention to be spiritual.

Giving your child spiritual attention does not always mean that you will talk about spiritual things. It does mean, however, that you will use that attention to teach your child spiritual concepts, attitudes, behaviors, and disciplines. This kind of attention is deliberate. It will not "just happen." The Bible gives us a clear picture of how this is supposed to work.

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

You probably noticed that this is not your simple "How was school today?" conversation. This is real life walking in the faith and sharing that faith verbally with the little ones that are walking with you. If done properly, this will be a lifestyle of investment between you and your child. Eventually, the investment will reap dividends. You will know this is happening when the child begins to ask questions.

And when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What mean the testimonies, and the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD our God hath commanded you? Then thou shalt say unto thy son,... (Deuteronomy 6:20-21).

Each question they ask is an opportunity to pour your faith into their minds and hearts. Some of their questions will challenge you, so just know that in advance. There isn't anything wrong with saying, "I don't know," but there is something wrong with leaving it like that. Find out the answer to their question. Let them look it up with you if you think that is appropriate. Be prepared for questions like:

  * Why can't we celebrate Halloween like everyone else?

  * Why do we always have to go to church?

  * Why can't I wear this? Everyone else is.

  * Why can't I go to that movie?

  * What is Communion all about?

  * Why do people get baptized?

  * Why does Jeff have two dads?

The list could go on and on, but each question is an opportunity to invest in your child's future. Fill their ears with wisdom.

Spiritual Disciplines

The Christian faith is a faith of disciplines. There is a reason why the followers of Jesus were called disciples. Yet, this is an often forgotten aspect of the faith in our day. As a result, we have hundreds of thousands of spiritually malnourished people attending church Sunday after Sunday. If you have not learned and practiced these disciplines yourself, then there is no time like the present.

Below is a list of basic disciplines that EVERY Christian should practice. Please understand that this list does not include every aspect of the faith (particularly moral and ethical disciplines), but it will certainly provide a good starting point.

Church Attendance – Many people go to church on Sunday morning, but few attend Sunday evening, midweek Bible study, and prayer meetings. Many churches (for lack of participation) don't even have a prayer meeting anymore. Attend every service your church offers with your whole family. If your church does not have a prayer meeting, then ask your pastor if you can start one.

Prayer and Bible Reading – Every Christian should set apart at least two times a day to read the Bible and pray. One of those times should be alone, and the other with the family (led by the father if possible). These sessions do not have to be very long. You may only read a few verses at first. Here are a few quick tips. Start with the book of Matthew and read straight through the New Testament. Don't use any man-made devotional materials during this time. Don't even read the notes of a study Bible. Start with prayer, then read, and end with prayer.

Giving – All Christians should be givers. Start with tithing 10% of your gross income to the church. Then give to missionaries, church projects, and those in need. Make giving part of your life and teach your children to do the same.

Sharing – The faith of Christ is meant to be shared. There are opportunities all around us to share the hope of God with people. Start listening for those opportunities and share.

Separate – The call of God requires that we separate from the world. Evaluate every person, place, and thing in your life to determine whether or not it can stay or must be removed. The Bible will show you which is which.

Spiritual Correction

I once attended a parent-teacher conference with a nice gentleman. I could see the pain in his face as it was plain to everyone that his son was causing serious discipline problems. To be perfectly clear, his son was one of the rudest, insubordinate, rebellious, aggravating children I have ever taught. The pain of that reality was in the father's face.

After he listed to the various comments, he made a statement that I will not likely forget. He said, "I have never spanked my children." And I would like to add that the results were obvious.

Many many children suffer from an intense lack of spiritual correction. We often call them "spoiled." Noah Webster says that "spoiled" means both corrupted and rendered useless. The Bible is often misquoted on this point. People say, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." The Bible says, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24).

Biblical correction for children comes in two primary ways and a third way that is less obvious in Scripture. The first (in severity, not in timing) is the verbal reprimand. The Bible calls this the rebuke or admonishment. The second is spanking. The Bible refers to this as chastisement or beating. The third is loss of privileges. This one is somewhat indirect because it is not specifically mentioned as a means to teach children, but it is demonstrated throughout the Bible in the way that God instructs man in a general sense.

Verbal Reprimand

There is nothing wrong with giving your child a good old-fashioned scolding. If they have done something wrong, and they knew that it was wrong before they did it, then by all means possible, show them your displeasure.

A verbal reprimand is also good to use when the child did not know the behavior was wrong. In this case, your words need not be as harsh. You can use this moment as an occasion to teach your child for the future.

We must understand that warning and reprimands will only go so far. As a parent, you are not limited to this option alone.

Spanking

There is no law against spanking your child. There are laws against abusing your child, so it is important to know the difference. Noah Webster uses a phrase in his definition of "abuse" that seems fitting here. He says, "to use with bad motives or to wrong purposes." Biblical spanking (i.e. beat or chastise in the Bible) always has the pure motive of instruction toward righteousness. It never intends to cause overall harm. For this reason, you should avoid spanking your child when you are angry. Let them wait a while in their room if necessary, but don't spank in fury. You will regret that decision.

Laws may vary from state to state, but if you spank your child on the bottom with some sort of paddle without leaving marks, you are probably never going to need to worry about an abuse allegation. If you beat your child around the head with a fan-belt, expect a visitor. Godly parents don't treat their children this way anyhow, so state law should not interfere with how you discipline your children.

With that being said, ALL children need to be spanked. There are no exceptions. It is a Biblical mandate to parents to spank their children. Even the best of them will give you a reason. Don't let the opportunity pass to show them, with force, how much you love them. Also, don't defer this to your spouse either. It is for both parents.

Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Proverbs 23:13-14).

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying (Proverbs 19:18).

Loss of Privileges

As mentioned earlier, this means of discipline is not directly applied to children in the Bible; however, it is observable throughout Scripture. My suggestion here is that it be used sparingly and in a teaching sense rather than as a replacement for spanking.

As an example, I could see loss of privileges being used as a motivation for the child to clean their room or do their homework. It should not be used when a clear rule has been violated. For example, don't give them "time-out" for telling a lie.

Whether the reprimand, spanking, or loss of privileges is used, you must learn to capitalize on this opportunity to instruct your child. Make sure they know why they are being punished. Spell it out clearly for them even if you think they know already. Tell them why it is wrong. Use a Bible verse if possible to show them it is wrong. Even after the punishment, it isn't over until they fix what needs to be fixed. For example, if you spank them for calling Little Brother names, then after the spanking, they still need to apologize to Little Brother. When it is all over, I normally ask children, "So, what did you learn from all this?" You might be surprised how this simple question can lead to open conversations and teaching opportunities.

Chapter 7

# A Line In the Sand

I remember when I was a teenager that I once decided to openly defy my mother. At the time, I had failed to consider what would happen when Dad heard about it. My little attempt of insubordination lasted just long enough for him to get home from work. I really don't remember what happened in that meeting, but one thing was abundantly clear when it was over. There was no way in the whole wide world that I was going to defy Dad. It just wasn't an option. On top of that, I also learned that any attempt to defy Mom was to defy Dad. Again, this was not an option. He had drawn the proverbial line in the sand and was daring me to try to cross it.

That little meeting taught me something that I hope never to forget. It taught me the power of the non-negotiable parent. There are just simply some things that cannot be negotiated in a home if the children are to be healthy in both soul and spirit.

This may sound like a strange statement, but it takes a genuine concerted effort to become utterly non-negotiable enough to carry this out on an ongoing basis. This is not a strategy for the short term, but if mastered, it will put an end to some major problems in your home.

The first thing you need to do is figure out what behaviors you are willing to take a non-negotiable stand about. My suggestion is that these be behaviors directly related to your authority and that happen inside your home. I would start with talking back, disrespectful responses, open defiance, arguing with adults, and the like. You may even want to take a stand surrounding some kind of rule you have clearly established in the home. I will illustrate a few of these scenarios.

I could not even begin to tell you how many times I have assigned a child a consequence (such as copying my rules) just to see them stomp across the room in anger. Sound familiar? Maybe they even slam the door just to show you how they really feel. In my opinion, it is time for an non-negotiable stand.

When your two-year-old tells you, "No!" It is time for a non-negotiable stand.

If your house rule says, "Lights out at 9:00," but your pre-teen is found playing video games late in the night over and again, then it is time for a non-negotiable stand.

Truly Non-Negotiable

When I say non-negotiable, I am not talking about mad shouting and vigorous spanking although I am not opposed to either of these. I am talking about a response that doesn't reason—at all. There is absolutely no negotiating the matter. It is a closed case. No arguments of any sort will be considered, and any attempt to argue will be shut down. In order to pull this off, you must have already made the decision that whatever force is necessary to uphold your position shall be provided both right now and in the future—forever.

God demonstrated this type of stand in the early pages of the Bible. When Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, God did so permanently and with the force of Heaven to back up the decision. "So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life" (Genesis 3:24). There was no discussion, no argument, and no hope of altering this decision.

This is very different than threatening and warning. A threat says, "If you do this, I will do that." A warning says, "If you do, you will suffer." A non-negotiating response says, "You are not going to do this in my home now, and you are not going to do it in the future. Period!"

I practice this so often that I could not tell you all the stories. I often tell children, "You aren't going to do that in my classroom. You might do it at home. You might do it to other teachers, but you are not going to do it here! Do you understand?" Most of them do because I say it with authority. When I say authority, I am not meaning a commanding voice even though that is important. I say it with the full intentions of only one possible response—compliance.

(As a side note here, this method simply does not work at all with children who are possessed with devils, and it does not work with children who have severe emotional wounds such as found in chapter 4. Please refer to the relevant chapters to deal with those issues.)

How far are you willing to go? How long are you willing to go there? If you want peace in your home, you will be willing to become utterly gifted at being completely non-negotiable. You have been given by God the authority over your child (yes, even if they have already turned 18). Why not learn how to use that authority.

Nuts and Bolts

So, your child storms off stomping her feet when you scold her. As a school teacher, I can't just tear my belt off and teach her. As a parent, you can, but you must remember that you have not won this battle until she walks away gently. Call her back and spank her. If she refuses to come, go get her and hold her down in the original spot and spank her. If she stomps away from the spanking, go get her, and spank her again right then and there. Tell her why you are spanking her like this, "I want you to understand that you are NOT going to stomp away from me! Do you understand?" When she says that she does, prompt her to walk away with respect. If she does, it is over for now. If she doesn't, spank her again.

As a school teacher, I can't spank my students. In situations like this, you must become an absolute master of making children miserable without laying a finger on them. If he storms away in a rage, call him back to try again. Some will come and stomp away again just to spite you. Call them again and again until they realize that you have absolutely nothing better to do with your time than make them miserable. If they refuse to come back (or turn it into a game) then take the power out of their hands. Get up and follow them. The last thing they will want is for you to be close, so give them exactly what they don't want. Encroach their space with the same message, "You are not going to behave this way around me!" Remove privileges, create discomfort, and apply pressure until they give up. Some can really weary you, but you must prevail. Don't start this process unless you plan to finish it.

A Missing Ingredient

There was once a lady in my church who learned that I liked pecan pie, so she made me a pie. I was delighted. It was a beautiful pie. I took it home with expectation and quickly cut a slice. I put a bite in my mouth and "Yucky!" It was the worst tasting pie I had ever eaten. I had to throw it away. She had forgotten to put any sugar in it at all. Wow!

I think that one ingredient that children lack today in their rearing is an absolute parental authority. I can't even begin to tell you how many parents I have talked with who demonstrate this deficiency in their parenting skills. I will say this like I told one parent in a phone call.

This decision is not hers to make. If you say you want her to stay, she will stay. If you say you want her to go, she will go. That is why God puts parents in children's lives is to make decisions for them. It makes absolutely no difference whatsoever what she wants.

There is a reason why children can't vote. There is a reason why they are not allowed to drive cars. We have been put in their lives to make decisions for them until they get old enough and have the skills to decide for themselves. Go ahead and make the decision for her.

You might be surprised how much empowerment that parent felt to make a decision that was best for the child. In this case, the child's will did not prevail, but many times it does. These woeful parents who allow their child to "express" themselves and make decisions for themselves are doing their child a serious disservice. The child is growing up without a clear sense of authority and without clear boundaries in which to dwell. As a result, we have a society that is full of people who disregard God, the police, laws, morals, and anything else that transgresses their will.

A good parent is willing to draw a line in the sand with his or her children—and mean it! Learn to be that kind of parent.

Chapter 8

# Tampering

"I don't understand why she cries all the time," said the first grade teacher. "She just cries and cries every time you tell her anything negative. I just don't understand it."

I wasn't sure what to say as I looked at the poor little soul with her head in her hands. I later learned why she was so prone to cry. Her uncle was in prison. In and of itself, that would be upsetting, but in this case it was because he had molested her. Could it be possible for her to just let that go and be normal again?

Points of Entry

We must remember that the devil "as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). A casual study of the habits of lions will reveal that they like to prey on the weak and the young. The devil is like that too. He is always on the lookout for an easy snack.

Sexuality is just one point of entry that the devil uses to devour people. Once he has gained entry, he can begin to erode the person from within. That point of entry can come in numerous ways, and the results are somewhat predictable.

I spoke with a concerned mother once who told me, "I am worried about my son Jeff. Last summer he went on a trip with the Boy Scouts and one of the other boys did some sexual things to him. He hasn't been the same since."

She had a good reason to be concerned. Her son, along with the little girl at the outset of the chapter, had been violated sexually. In both cases, there is absolutely no question that the devil has found a point of entry. Any forced sexual act will provide an entry point for the devil.

While we are on the subject of the Boy Scouts, I would like to echo a comment I heard on the radio. In the aftermath of the decision of the Boy Scouts to allow homosexual scout leaders (yet one more reason why I will never give a penny to the United Way), the Christian radio host said something to the effect that Christian parents should not let their boys be part of the Boy Scouts. I echo that sentiment. I cannot even comprehend a Christian parent allowing their little boy to be in an environment like that.

You can't just stop with avoiding the Boy Scouts, however, because these intrusions come in all shapes and sizes. I knew a man that had several children. I was surprised to hear that he had been angry enough to threaten to kill his oldest son. After I learned that the boy had raped all his sisters, I understood the anger.

In addition to forced sexual acts, point of entry can come from other sources as well. I would say pornography, but in reality any nudity or explicit images is sufficient. Even suggestive content can provide an open door. In addition, suggestive or explicit texts (such as romance novels) can do the same. Some parents allow their children to see them naked (same or opposite sex is irrelevant). Don't do this. Noah's sons knew that this was a problem (see Genesis 9:20-24). Let's take our leading from Shem and Japheth in this situation.

I am not encouraging paranoia concerning points of entry. What I am saying is that these points of entry exist, and a diligent parent will stay on top of this in prayer and in terms of prevention and rescue if necessary.

Let's Assume

Let's assume that your child has had an open point of entry for the devil in the area of sexuality. What can be expected? The Bible gives a parable that can easily be applied to this situation.

The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field: But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way. But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also (Matthew 13:24-26).

Now, I know that strictly speaking, Jesus was not making a reference to sexual intrusion here, but the point that the devil can sow seed cannot be overlooked. If your child has been exposed in one way or another, then the seed has been sown. The fruit is on the way. Just like the parable, the tares are sure to come. Sexual tares include promiscuity, flirtations, and other such outward manifestations. Internal manifestations include lust which leads to pornography and masturbation.

The parable in Matthew 13 ends with the man telling the servants to let the wheat and tares grow together. As I said earlier, Jesus was not talking about sexual intrusion in children, so this is where we will depart from the parable because it is not what we will do in these cases. We will learn to seek and destroy the seed.

In the various forms listed above, there are clearly two categories of entry that will need to be handled differently. We will first deal with "soft" entry before dealing with actual physical acts.

Dealing With "Soft" Intrusion

The problem with this is that most people do not recognize this for what it is. Let me explain in terms of an illustration.

I have often said that light pop music (or any other genre) is more deceptive than hard rock. Any person who listens to death metal or gangster rap (substitute any other kind of hard core music) is not deceived. They are fully aware that what they are listening to is bad. They express intense profanity, open sexuality, drugs, violence, and even devil worship. Nobody is confused into thinking this music is harmless.

Light music on the other had (the kind on the speakers in the grocery store) is far more deceptive. Most people think it is harmless. It doesn't talk about the devil, and it doesn't use too many bad words. The bad words it does use are mild profanities at best. In reality, however, song after song after song teaches the message of Satan that lust equals love. Most people are completely oblivious to this fact. As a result, they continue to allow the devil to speak into their spirits through the music they hear.

"Soft" sexual intrusion is likewise deceptive. Nobody is deceived when a molestation takes place, but what if it is in the form of brief nudity in a movie. The seed has been planted right under your nose. I am not pretending that you can entirely eliminate the possibility of this happening to your child because a billboard on the interstate could do the same. I am saying, however, two things. First, you must eliminate all sources of potential intrusion from your child's life as much as is possible. Second, you must have open communication with your child about such matters.

I tell parents to talk to their children about sexual things. The first question is how old should the child be. My response to this question is simple. Who do you want to be the first to tell your child about sex? Do you want it to be you or a classmate at school? If you tell them now, you can control HOW they learn and WHAT they learn. If you wait, you will have to FIX what they have already been taught.

When you do talk to them (which I propose should be ongoing rather than one uncomfortable session on the couch), you do not necessarily have to give detailed graphic descriptions, and you won't use any visual aids. Your purpose is not so much to provide anatomical education as it is to instill moral values. Use a Bible story of a husband and wife (Genesis 24:63-67) and even a bad example of adultery (2 Samuel 11:1-5) to show them how to live. Teach them what Proverbs says about allurements and the quality of those persons in God's eyes (Proverbs 5 and 7). Teach your child how God looks at lust (Matthew 5:27-30), and how to repent if there has been a transgression in this area. Pray over your child to cast out the devil and tear down those strongholds that he is attempting to build.

Forced Intrusion

If your child has been physically exposed to sexual intrusion, then you must treat this as you would treat a demonic possession and a severe emotional wound (see chapters 2 and 5 of this book for more on these). Your child will probably experience a lot of different emotions and problems. Have faith to believe that God can heal ANYTHING!

Depression is naturally expected in such cases. Like at the beginning of this chapter the girl who always cried, there is just simply an emotional sensor overload. We must recognize that depression is a spirit. Isaiah 61:3 refers to it as the "spirit of heaviness." Follow these steps (order is not important) to overcome in this area.

Step 1 – Recognize that false guilt is part of the problem. Explain to your child again and again that he or she is not at fault for what happened. Convince them like a grand jury if necessary. The devil wants them to believe it was their fault.

Step 2 – Thank God for the problem. "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). The last thing that the devil wants is for your child to give thanks and praise to God FOR the problem. (P.S. You will need to do this too.)

Step 3 – Forgive the offender. This is an absolute must for both you and your child. There is no getting around it. Mark 11:25-26 says, "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." Forgiveness is not a feeling, so you and your child cannot wait to feel right. You can pray something like this. "Father God, 'the offender's name if known' has done 'insert the specific deed' to me. I ask you to give me the strength to forgive him. By your help, I forgive him for doing this to me. In Jesus' name, amen." (Note: Forgiving the offender is personal and has nothing to do with criminal proceedings. Let the state do its work if appropriate. Personal forgiveness does not release your responsibility to be a witness in court if necessary.)

Step 4 – Perform spiritual warfare to break the strongholds of Satan.

Step 5 – Pray for spiritual cleansing and healing.

Following all of this, it will still be necessary to perform the duty of a watchman on the wall to ensure that the devil does not have a chance to enter back in. This will require diligence on the part of the parent and possibly the child. Frequent communication is an absolute must. Teach your child not to keep secrets from you. You are not their enemy. In this area, they need to know that they can tell you anything. Watch for signs that something has gone wrong, and be aggressive to deal with these decisively and spiritually. God will help you!

Chapter 9

# The Greatest Need

I don't listen to the radio very often, but as I heard the opening of this brother's Bible teaching, I just had to hear how he was going to continue. He said that according to Dr. Dobson, the greatest need among young teenage girls is self-esteem and a good self worth. When he ended that quotation with the word "but" I was hooked. Then he finished his statement. "But I am here to tell you that the same is true for boys." I was so incredibly disappointed that I turned off the radio. The greatest need for young people is not self-esteem and self worth. Those ideas come right out the pages of the Mental Health agenda. They aren't Biblical in the least and they are not even valid. By and large, youngsters are not troubled over self-esteem and self worth. If they were, they would not be selfish! Yet, selfishness is manifested in even the most difficult cases. Even suicide is utterly selfish. It isn't a product of low self-esteem at all. It is a product of extreme selfishness as are most of the maladies that we often complain about in today's youth.

While I am on the topic, most people have bought into the lie (again from Mental Health/modern psychology) that we just need to love ourselves more. I even have heard this jargon from the pulpit. This is such an anti-Biblical concept that it is absolutely repulsive. No place in the Bible encourages us to love ourselves. In fact, quite the opposite is true. The Bible knows that we are all prone to excessive self-love and deficient in love toward others. We are repeatedly told to be others minded and selfless in our actions and attitudes. No, love of self is not the answer.

What Is the Greatest Need?

If you are like me at all, then you probably know that the answer to the question of the greatest need is Jesus. I recently learned of an old-timey preacher named Robert Sheffey. This man was a powerful man of God, and some of the things that he did were like reading the prophets of the Old Testament. On one occasion, an abused woman called on Pastor Sheffey for help. Her husband was a sloppy drunk, and he beat her without mercy. While Pastor Sheffey was in the house, the man came home so drunk that he passed out on the floor.

Pastor Sheffey was not in the least bit perturbed. He asked, "How long is he going to be like that?" The woman told him it would be several hours, so pastor Sheffey went to work. He went out into a field and made a large circle of tree branches. In the middle of the circle, he filled a large tub with the drunk man's liquor. Then he stripped the man and put him in the tub. The man was so unconscious that he did not even wake up. When the wife asked why the pastor was taking the man's clothes off, he said, "There are no clothes in Hell!"

When it became completely dark, Pastor Sheffey set the tree branches on fire all around. As the fire raged, the drunk man finally came out of his stupor. He was so frightened that he ran out of the circle and directly into a large tree knocking himself out cold.

Pastor Sheffey took the man back inside and put him in the bed telling the wife, "He'll be sober for a few days, but he won't say a word about it. When a man comes back from Hell he doesn't want to talk about it." Then he said something that rings true with the point I am making here. He said, "I'll be back in a few days. Maybe I can talk to him while he is sober because he won't be changed without Christ in his life."

Did you catch the power of that statement? Without Christ, there isn't going to be any change! Young girls, young boys, children, old men, and whomever else have only one Great Need and that is the life changing power of Jesus Christ to be unleashed from the inside out. Anything less than that is like a fancy suit on a corpse. It isn't going to change him.

At the end of this chapter, I will share how to talk to your child about Jesus, but for now, we need to lay some foundations.

Great Assumptions

In order to deal with any problem, you must clearly and accurately define it. Failure to do so will leave you going in all directions without any real progress. My wife, Rebekah, in addition to being a prolific author, is a Christian Counselor. She has learned to ask her clients, "If you had to state your problem in one sentence, what would you say?" Her experience has been that most people do not really know what their problem is. They do know that they have a problem, but they do not know how to pin it down.

It is absolutely critical that you understand your child's problem if you are going to be successful in fighting it. I would like to help you narrow it down so that you have something to hang on to. No matter what your child is doing to cause problems and no matter what you might like to call the problem, your child has a spiritual problem. While I'd be happy for you to simply believe me on this, I will provide a simple checklist to help you understand how I can come to that conclusion without ever even meeting your child.

  1. Are you reading this book because your child has a physical problem? Probably not, so the problem isn't physical.

  2. Does your child have a physical problem with his or her brain? If not, then your child does not have a mental/psychological problem. Don't fall into the Mental Health/modern psychology trap of thinking that non-physical mental problems exist. They don't. If you are shocked and/or interested by this statement, you can get a copy of Jay Adams' book, Competent to Counsel.

  3. If your child's problem is not physical (the body) and it isn't mental (the soul), then all that is left is spiritual. "I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Thessalonians 5:23, emphasis added).

Now that we have determined that your child's problem is spiritual, we can address some very important theological assumptions that parents often make.

Assumption #1: My Child Was Born Innocent

I know that this may come as a surprise to some, but we are not born innocent. The Bible is very clear on this subject.

Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me (Psalm 51:5).

As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one (Romans 3:10-12).

Unless your child is the one exception to the Biblical rule, then he or she was born in sin just like the rest of us. There is no such thing as an innocent little baby. Pastor Brad Bigney calls them "vipers in diapers." Psalm 58:3 says virtually the same thing, "The wicked [this is all babies] are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies." Have you ever noticed that you don't have to teach children to lie. Even before they can talk, they can express to you through tears and screaming that they will die if they do not have something trivial. That is deceit. Many parents don't recognize it as such, but just mark it. You will see deception in the crib if you watch for it.

If you do not lose this assumption, two things will happen. First, you will be shocked when your child does something obviously and intentionally wrong. You may even come to their defense and accuse their teacher of something ridiculous to everyone except you (Trust me. It has happened to me as a teacher on more than one occasion). You could even be blinded by this assumption well into their teenage years. Many people think that kids go bad in their teens. Granted, their badness changes, but they have been bad all along. Any person who proclaims, "There aren't any bad children" has never understood that the Bible teaches that they are all BAD!

The second thing that will happen if you don't lose this assumption is that you will be undermined in your instruction to your child. I accidentally made a similar mistake earlier today. I was working with a small group of fifth graders on fractions. They had been absent for a few days, and I was given a worksheet to go over with them to help catch them up. After doing several exercises, it finally dawned on me that they had no clue what I was talking about. Even though I had been told that they missed some days, it did not really sink in. I thought they were prepared to approach the worksheet, but this was not the case. Unfortunately, by the time I realized what had happened, my time with them was almost over.

As important as fractions are to fifth graders, they will probably overcome my 20 minute exercise in futility. If you fail to understand that your child is a fallen sinner, then you will likely teach him or her in the same manner that I taught these fifth graders today. You will leave out critical information and assume knowledge where there is none. You will also assume compliance where none is intended nor even considered. This mistake in your child's development will be huge.

In short, lose the assumption that your child was born innocent, and rethink the way you think about him or her.

Assumption #2: My Child Is a Christian

Once when I was sharing my faith with a young adult man, I asked, "Are you a Christian?"

He responded positively, so I asked, "How do you know that you are a Christian?"

He looked a little awkward and said, "Well, my grandma goes to church."

That was the best answer he had.

One of my Bible school professors said, "God doesn't have any grandchildren!" It took me a minute to figure out what that meant. You are either a child of God or a child of the devil. There is no middle ground, and there is no way to be grandfathered in. To assume that your child is a Christian just because you are is a false assumption that could answer a lot of questions related to our society.

Let's consider the subject of salvation for a moment. How does one become saved? The Bible is very clear on this subject. One does not become saved by being baptized. That is why I believe infant baptism is tremendously deceptive. Literally millions of people all over the world think they are saved because they were baptized as a baby. Some people think this even if they were baptized as adults. Baptism does not save.

One does not become saved by attending church, paying tithe, or singing in the choir. One does not become saved by being a member of a Christian family (regardless of the status of the family). One does not become saved by being a good neighbor, helping the poor, or tending to the sick. The ONLY way a person can become saved is to face the reality of sin through repentance believing on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ the Son of God as the Savior. There simply is no other way.

Assuming your child is saved because he makes good grades in school and memorizes verses in Sunday School is like assuming stage actors are a lot like the characters they portray. It just simply isn't so. The end of this chapter will teach you how to question your child on the subject of salvation. You simply cannot afford to allow yourself to assume something as important as this.

Assumption #3: My Child Has Not Reached the Age of Accountability

I am sure you are aware of the concept of the age of accountability. This is the idea that children do not know right from wrong, as a result, they are not accountable for their actions until a certain age. I have a question. What is the exact age of accountability? Many people say twelve, but the only problem with this is that it just isn't in the Bible. The Bible does not tell us the age of accountability. Here is another problem. Not only does the Bible leave out the specific age, it leaves out the subject entirely. What does that mean? It means that the age of accountability is a non-Biblical teaching. It doesn't exist in the Bible. As a result, its origins must have been from man.

Man often sympathizes with difficult circumstances and invents something to give some sort of relief. Let me give you an example that is happening right before our eyes. A few centuries ago, almost every Christian believed that a person who committed suicide went to Hell. This is certainly unpalatable for people who have lost a loved one in this way. Modern Christians have invented a teaching to "ease" the discomfort. Many now teach that the suicidal person did not know what they were doing or that they were out of their mind on drugs. Maybe they had a mental problem and on and on. None of these arguments are in the Bible, but people buy it hook line and sinker because they are desperate for hope that little Johnny isn't in Hell today! (If this subject interests you, then my wife, Rebekah Prewitt, wrote an excellent book entitled, Dealing With Suicide.)

Moving back to the age of accountability, it is the invention of man, but it has created some interesting theological children. One of those is the teaching that all babies go to Heaven. Naturally, this is the result of the teaching of the age of accountability. If children are not accountable for their sins, then when they die, God has nothing to judge. They are innocent and welcomed into the Celestial City. What if all of that is theological fiction? None of it is in the Bible. Even more important, it is in disagreement with the Bible.

I once had a conversation with a Seventh Day Adventist. As I was pressing questions about the Ten Commandments and so forth, the question of Hell came up (She did not mention that the Seventh Day Adventists do not believe in Hell). I love to ask them questions like, "If a person lives in adultery all of their life and dies, do they go to Hell for that?" They have to answer "No," because they don't believe in Hell.

Anyway, I don't remember how it came up, but she said that Muslims who live to the light that they know will go to Heaven. The argument was over. I said, "You just preached a gospel without Jesus."

We, as Christians, must understand that there is no gospel without Jesus. No person can be saved and go to Heaven apart from Jesus. He said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me" (John 14:6). It is just that simple—no man! Yes, this means that all Muslims who die without Christ will indeed go to Hell. The same is true for Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, Catholics who pray to Mary, and anybody else who does not have an active faith in Jesus alone for salvation.

So, what happens to a baby that is born a Muslim and dies? What happens to the babies that are dedicated to Hindu gods when they die in infancy? I am just prone to believe what the Word of God says. I know this is controversial, but the Word of God doesn't say anywhere that all babies go to Heaven. There isn't even a shred of a hint in that direction. There is nothing there that can be used to draw a valid inference at all. It does say, however, that "no man" which would include children, comes to the Father except through Jesus. I am willing to believe that.

Now, before you pick up stones to hurl at me, I would like to encourage the Christian that there is hope in the event of an infant death. This verse should shed some light on the subject:

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy (1 Corinthians 7:14).

This verse makes a few things very clear. First, it makes it very clear that there are "unclean" and "holy" children (please don't confuse holy with saved). Second, it makes it clear that children who have at least one believing parent are "holy." Granted, this leaves some unanswered questions, but the Bible leaves them unanswered and so will I.

Now that we have conclusively realized that children are not saved, born again Christians from birth and that they are not innocent and free from all accountability, we must consider how to talk to them about saving faith in Jesus Christ.

How to Talk to Your Child About Jesus

The first part of any gospel presentation (child or adult) is to absolutely convince the hearer of the reality of Romans 3:10, "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one." After many years of personal evangelism, I have come to understand that it is a mistake to try to truly win a soul without this simple ingredient. So called conversions may occur, but unless a person completely understands the unrighteous condition of the unregenerate soul, there is little hope of a lasting faith.

To make this even more clear, I will bring to your memory a statement that Jesus made. Jesus said, "Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able" (Luke 13:24, emphasis added). I am absolutely convinced that the reason people are not able to enter in is because they have not been willing to see themselves as a sinner. They desperately try to cling to whatever good they think they have. In reality, there isn't any good at all, but they think that there is, and they hold on to it with all their might. As a result, they cannot enter.

The surprising thing is that they may be willing to pray a prayer and even confess Jesus, but without the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, it will be superficial at best. They simply won't get in the gate. The same is true for your child. You must take the time necessary to convince the sinner (i.e. your child) that he is a sinner and that his sins merit eternal punishment. The aim of this section is to plainly explain how to do exactly that.

The method you will study below is presented as if it is done all in one setting; however, that may not be best for a young child. Ask God to help you know how much to say and when to say it. He knows exactly what pace you should go. Allowing time for the Holy Spirit to press the points will be critical.

A few years ago, I presented much of this method to a group of children in a sidewalk Sunday school setting. We presented it as a 10 week series (you will understand the number 10 in a minute). For kids, that seemed like a really long series. Week after week we present one tiny point and illustrated it in as many ways as we could.

At first, it didn't seem like anything was happening. In fact, it seemed like nothing was going to happen for quite a while. As we continued, however, we began to see the little hearts begin to melt. At first, we had asked them if they wanted to pray at the end of the meetings. They didn't want to. As time went on, they would pray a little, but mainly that was for others. Then finally, there was a breakthrough. I was with the older kids in a circle while my wife was with the smaller ones in another circle. I remember specifically that one of the girls wanted to pray. She said, "Dear God, I need help to get these lies up out of my head." I knew something was happening. What I didn't know was that the same thing was happening in the small-kid circle where my wife was faithfully leading the little ones in similar prayers. Patience is crucial.

Start With the Law

Pray that God will set up the right situation for you to speak with your child. It may come after attending a fiery church service, attending a funeral, or something that happens to stir thoughts about life and death. While praying is absolutely necessary, the right occasion isn't. Any time can be a good time to start a conversation with your child about eternity. You really don't have to have any set-up at all, but if you want one, Hebrews 9:27 is excellent: "It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment." If you use this verse, then you can follow it up with this question: "What do you think God will judge us by?" This will be a question that they have never likely thought about. When they give up, explain to them that we will all be judged by the Ten Commandments.

Now, you will turn to Exodus 20 and read verses 1-17. Read the whole thing in one setting. This is not a reading activity like in school, so don't let them try to fumble through it unless they are older and quite capable readers. Let them watch the words as you read it slowly and with gravity. Then say, "Why don't we look at each of these commandments one by one."

Read each commandment slowly explaining its meaning in a way that your child will understand. You can use the ideas below, or come up with your own. After you explain it, give the New Testament counterpart (these are listed below as well). Whatever you do, don't talk about the love of Jesus, salvation, forgiveness, grace, or any such thing during your presentation of the Ten Commandments. It just isn't the right time. Don't try to offer any comfort during this time. Doing so will undermine your intentions. Also, as you go through them, keep a record of the ones that your child admits to breaking. This will be important at the end.

Commandment #1: Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

You can use Mark 10:17-22 to show that money can be a god. The same can be true of video games, friends, or literally anything your child holds important. Jesus restates this command in this way:

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment (Mark 12:30).

Follow the instruction by asking, "Have you ever broken this commandment?" Your child has broken this commandment just like every other child. You must lead them to discover this fact. You don't have to be forceful at all. Just let the Holy Spirit convict. Even if your child says, "No, I have never done that," just be patient.

Commandment #2: Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

Use Daniel 3 to teach idolatry. Use 1 John 5:21 as a New Testament counterpart. When you ask, "Have you ever broken this commandment?" your child will likely say "No." If so, teach them that selfishness is the same as making a god. Remind them of a time when they acted in selfishness and then take your child in front of a mirror and say, "Look at your god right there in the mirror." This will probably be a bit shocking to them, but the Law of God, when used rightly, will shock us into sobriety with Him. Let your child be shocked.

Commandment #3: Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain.

Share Leviticus 24:10-16 and also verse 23 of the same chapter. You will need to explain that taking the Lord's name in vain is to say His name in any way other than prayer, reading the Bible, or talking about God. For example, when someone smashes their finger and says, "Oh my _____." Ask, "Have you ever said God, Jesus, or Lord in a way other to talk about Him?" We will not use a New Testament counterpart for this commandment.

Commandment #4: Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

The best way to handle this one with a child is to compare it to Hebrews 10:25. I normally ask if they have ever skipped church, but little kids normally have no say-so in this matter. This is the only commandment that is not directly reinstated in the New Testament, so I would not try to convince the child of having been guilty of this one. I would, however, speak of reverence in church and possibly some behaviors that are either appropriate or inappropriate in church services.

Commandment #5: Honour thy father and thy mother.

Share Deuteronomy 21:18-21 and Ephesians 6:1-3. If your child denies breaking this commandment, just remind them of some times when they have disobeyed you. Remember, this is not the time to fix these transgressions. It is simply a time to allow the Holy Spirit to weigh heavily on the conscience.

Commandment #6: Thou shalt not kill.

Share the Bible story of Cain and Abel from Genesis 4:1-12. Then share Matthew 5:21-22 and 1 John 3:12 and 15. Ask your child if he has ever hated anyone. You may need to look up the word "hate" in the dictionary if your child says "no." Webster's says, "extreme dislike." Again, you can remind your child of some grudges and personal clashes with whomever. Once you child admits to this one (and they should come to this if you present the information well), then tell them that they have broken this commandment and God looks at them as a murderer. After you say this, don't say anything else. Either move on like nothing happened or continue at another time.

Commandment #7: Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Share the story of David and Bathsheba from 2 Samuel 11:1-5. Also, share Leviticus 20:10. After your child has a good understanding of the commandment, then turn to Matthew 5:27-30. Let your child know that the things they look at can cause them to commit adultery in the heart. Ask your child if he or she has ever looked on anything like that. Your child might lie to you about this, but whatever their answer, let it stand for now. Commandment #9 may be a good time to bring it up again if you think this is the case.

Commandment #8: Thou shalt not steal.

Share the story of Achan from Joshua 7:1, 10-26. Ask your child if he or she has ever taken anything that wasn't theirs to take. If they say they haven't, ask them about taking answers from someone else on a test, or cheating on a board game.

Commandment #9: Thou shalt not bear false witness.

Explain to your child that bearing false witness means to tell lies. Ask, "Do you know what happens to people who tell lies?" They may point down to the ground or may not have an answer at all. Take them to Revelation 21:8 and let those words sink deep. Ask your child if he or she has ever even one time said something that isn't true. Remind them of commandment #7 if appropriate.

Commandment #10: Thou shalt not covet.

Explaining this commandment to children requires that we use words like greedy and selfish. You can even use a story from the past when they wanted a toy that someone else had and cried to get it. After you have convinced your child that they have coveted, show them that covetousness is the same as idolatry. You will use Colossians 3:5 to draw this conclusion.

Conclusions From the Law

When you have completely covered each of the Ten Commandments, it is time to rehearse the summary you have made along the way. You will say something like this: "Now that we have finished looking at the Ten Commandments, it looks like you have broken 6 of them." Then you will ask the question that drives the point into the heart. Simply ask, "How does that make you feel?"

They may say, "Bad," but let them stew on the matter a bit. If they look afraid or uncomfortable, you will know that the Holy Spirit is convicting them. After a few moments, you can follow that question with, "What do you think is going to happen when God judges you?" If your child seems unconcerned about this, then wait and pray (possibly even days with occasional reminders). If your child seems distressed, you can move on to the last phase.

Presenting Jesus

By this time, your child should be what the old-timers would have called "anxious about his soul." If he or she is not anxious, repeat the Ten Commandments until you see a change. Do not go on to this section until you see significant indication that your child is seeking relief from guilt. Once you see this, you will now be able to tell the story of Jesus in a way that he or she has never ever heard—under the convicting power of the Holy Spirit.

Start by telling them (even if they have heard it a thousand times) how Jesus came to earth. Explain that He is the Son of God. Tell them the story of Gethsemane all the way to the Cross and the Resurrection (Matthew 26:36-28:10). Describe the Cross in as bloody and gruesome a terms that you can remember. Ask your child, "Do you know why He did all that?" Hopefully, your child will know the answer, but if not, you can teach them it was so that our sins could be forgiven and we could be saved.

If your child is under conviction of the Holy Spirit, the next question will be easy. Simply ask them if they would like to have all their sins forgiven and Jesus to come in their life. They will probably agree. If not, don't push. Conversion under coercion creates confusion rather than a Christian. If so, then proceed to have them repeat the prayer below:

Dear God, I know that I have sinned. I have broken many of your commandments. I am very sorry, and I would like to ask if you will forgive me. [Break the prayer right here and ask your child if there is anything in particular that he or she would like to ask God to forgive. You will probably be surprised what they say. Once they have prayed everything they want to pray, then continue.] Father, I ask you to forgive me for all of these things. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that He died on the cross for my sins and raised from the dead. Dear God, I ask you to come into my heart and save me in Jesus' name. Amen.

Appendix #1

# What Is the Difference Between Mental Health and Christian Counseling?

A brief internet search will reveal that there are many different counseling agencies available. What is the difference between them? To give a short answer to this question, we will simply say that Christian Counseling is founded on the Bible and Mental Health counseling is founded on secular psychology. This answer is simple enough, but it needs a bit of clarification.

True Christian Counseling approaches every problem with the understanding that God alone has the answer and has provided that answer in the Bible. With this basis for counseling, the counselee can expect the session to include prayer as well as focused Bible study and explanation. The counselor will endeavor to clearly define the problem using Biblical texts and provide the solution to that problem in the same way. The counselee will see God's Word for the situation in question and will be encouraged to perform the directives written in the Bible in hopes of seeing the promised outcomes. This approach brings the counselee into full accountability for his or her own actions past, present, and future. The fundamental idea for the counselor is to find out how the counselee is living in disagreement with the Bible and bring the needed correction so that the blessings and favor of God can be enjoyed.

Mental Health has a completely different approach. By definition, Mental Health is entirely secular. As such, the counselor will draw upon a collection of teachings and methods from various sources. These sources often include the teachings of men like Freud. This system, in complete opposition to the teachings of the Bible, attempts to remove all accountability from the counselee. Respected Christian Counselor Jay E. Adams says, "Freudian psychoanalysis turns out to be an archeological expedition back into the past in which a search is made for others on whom to pin the blame for the patient's behavior." In addition, Mental Health also draws on methods and practices of Eastern religions like Buddhism and Hinduism. For example, patients are often taught meditation techniques like Yoga. This practice is taken directly from Buddhist practices and in reality opens up the participant to intrusion from evil spirits. Another practice is the mantra. These are repeated phrases supposedly intended to make a positive impression on the psyche of man. In reality, however, the mantra concept is taken directly from Hinduism. Just look the word up in a dictionary and you will see for yourself.

To give a living illustration of how mantras work, I will bring to your remembrance the childhood story of the Little Train That Could. The little train in the story was faced with the daunting challenge of hauling his load up a large mountain. As the story goes, he says, "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can..." until he clears the top of the mountain. While this may seem harmless enough and expresses what we have come to appreciate as a positive attitude, it is amazingly similar to the Hindu mantra and Buddhist teachings because it seeks a power within. The Bible NEVER tells us to seek any power within. In direct contrast, it teaches us to seek and trust God alone for our help.

Needless to say, assimilating Buddhist and Hindu methods and practices violates the clear teachings of the Bible. Deuteronomy 18:9 says, "When thou art come into the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not learn to do after the abominations of those nations." Hinduism and Buddhism would both qualify as abominations by the teachings of the Bible. Even the New Testament is clear on this subject. The last verse of 1 John states, "Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen."

There is yet a third kind of counseling that needs to be mentioned here. This is Christian Counseling under the banner of Mental Health. This kind of counseling is extremely dangerous to both the counselors and the counselees because it is wrapped in a cleverly disguised deception. What happens when a Christian person trains in a secular system adopting secular and even heathen practices and atheistic assumptions? The answer is compromise. These "Christian" counselors often use Bible verses to validate approaches and methods. On the surface, it looks good, but we must ask this question: "How well must we dress up an idol for it to be welcome in the Church?" If we take a Baal idol and put "I Love Jesus" bumper stickers all over it, can we bring it in? You can't start with sewage in the quest for clean water. These "Christian" counselors are living in grievous error. The Bible clearly teaches that those "who mind earthly things" are "the enemies of the cross of Christ" (Philippians 3:18-19). James 4:4 says, "Know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." "Let God be true, but every man a liar" (Romans 3:4).

As Christians, we are told to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). It is only through this renewal that we "may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Mental Health and compromised Christian counselors are not capable of assisting us in this renewal process. So, what is the difference between Mental Health and Christian Counseling? Everything!

Appendix #2

# How Do I Know if I Need Christian Counseling?

Christian counselors know that many people see counseling as a last resort. By the time they actually come for counseling, they have already decided that their problem is completely hopeless. While this is often not the case, the very fact that they have waited too long to get started compounds the problem. So, rather than deal with facts and scenarios related to waiting too long, we will address the important question, "How do I know if I need Christian counseling?"

To start, everyone needs Christian counseling at some point in their life. The Bible puts a high emphasis on the matter. Paul said, "And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another" (Romans 15:14). We all need this admonition (counseling) at one time or another.

For most of us, however, it requires us to overcome pride to admit that our problem is bigger than we can handle alone. Don't let pride stand in your way. Admitting that you have a problem and need help does not make you less of a person. In reality, this very act of humility makes you more like the person God wants you to be. "Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble" (1 Peter 5:5).

Now that we understand that Christian counseling is for everyone, lets look at a few scenarios that serve as clear indications that Christian counseling is necessary right now. These are only examples to help you get the right idea.

You can know that you need Christian counseling right now if:

  * Your marriage seems stale or lifeless

  * You are thinking of leaving your spouse

  * Your children are repeatedly getting in trouble at school

  * You have recently lost a loved one

  * You lost a loved one long ago but still hurt like it was yesterday

  * You recently went through a divorce or separation

  * You are having suicidal thoughts

  * You have a life controlling problem like anger, drunkenness, or pornography

  * You are thinking about getting married

  * You often express depression, anxiety, or jealousy

  * You have ever been counseled by a mental health professional, psychologist, or psychiatrist

In reality, if you have even thought about needing Christian counseling, you probably do. Here are some tips.

  1. Don't go to a mental health counselor for help. To go for counseling in a worldly system is to violate a very clear principle of the Bible. Psalm 1:1 says, "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly." The teachings and practices of the mental health system are most definitely classified as ungodly by the Bible. Don't go. Your problem will only be bigger if you do because you will be going against the clear teaching of Scripture.

  2. Don't talk about your problem with ungodly friends and coworkers. Often, people vent their problems in this way, but in most circumstances it leads to faulty advice that isn't in alignment with God's Word. Don't share your problem with anyone who is not a Bible-believing, born again Christian.

  3. Tell your pastor. Many times we learn that people have not taken the time to share their problems with their pastor. This is sad because it is your pastor's job to watch over your soul (Hebrews 13:17). How can he do that if you don't open up and share what is going on? You may come up with all kinds of reasonable answers as to why this is not important, but be assured, it is important. Take courage and give him a call. You may very well be surprised how God can work in your situation just by inviting your own pastor to be involved in it.

  4. Make an appointment to see a Bible-based Christian counselor who does not operate under the authority of mental health. We would be happy to help you with this part.

If you have any questions, or would like to schedule an appointment with us, we would love to hear from you. Phone counseling is available. Visit LakeCityCounsel.com for details.

# Epilogue

In modern America, if there is one thing that is obvious to everyone, it is the fulfillment of the Biblical prediction in 2 Timothy 3:1-2, "Know this also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be...disobedient to parents." We all agree that this is an ever growing social issue. Schools are consumed with preventing the next mass murder, teachers are frustrated, and parents are at their wit's end. The bad news is that this problem, on any large scale, isn't going to be fixed. The Scriptures clearly forewarned that this was coming, and it isn't going away.

There is good news! This does not have to be the case for your family. For the diligent, Bible-believing family, there is hope in the midst of the chaos. Fortunately, the Bible provides some timeless directives to parents, teachers, pastors, and any other concerned believer. These directives can make a difference if judiciously applied.

This book is designed to provide a basic overview of the general problem and its causes, the answer to the general problem, and outline a few specific issues that are frequent among today's youth.

It is my hope that this material has literally released the power of God and the effectiveness of His Word in your situation. To God be all the glory!

# About the Author

I have often said that God has a sense of humor. For me, that is demonstrated in the fact that I never really wanted to have children. Biologically speaking, He has honored that desire, but on the other side of that coin, I have worked with children in one way or another for over two decades. My career in working with children has allowed me the opportunity to observe literally hundreds of kids and the problems they face.

I started working with children in 1992. I was a college student in need of a summer job, and day camp provided that need. I had no idea how much of my life would be spent as some would say, "In the trenches." From day camp I went into youth ministry and eventually became a bi-vocational pastor (This is a fancy term for a pastor who must work outside the Church to support his family). Most of my bi-vocation has been public school. As a result of these many years, God has given me many experiences that have shaped the way I understand children. Even though the names and non-circumstantial events have been changed, I will assure you that each story is based on observed reality. People facing problems with children do not have time for fiction on the front lines. The issues are too pressing.

Don't get me wrong. I have observed literally hundreds and hundreds of examples of well behaved children in the public school system. This book, however, isn't about them. This book is an attempt to explain the ones that school administrators know by name. Maybe you are one of those parents that receives the calls over and over again about the same problems happening at school. Maybe you are a pastor that is counseling parents through these type of situations. Why are these children crying? Why are they doing the things they are doing? Does the Bible really have the answers to these modern problems that families face?

My wife and I went to a Chinese restaurant once that was advertising some new dish they wanted to serve. The sign said, "Tastes good. If you no try, you don't know." God's Word says the same thing, "O taste and see that the LORD is good, blessed is the man that trusteth in him" (Psalm 34:8).

To contact Billy Prewitt, you can email him at:

bp@speaktometoday.com

LakeCityCounsel.com

Bible Based Counseling

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Counseling is available for a wide range of situations including but not limited to:

Adultery

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Identity Struggle

Anger

Jealousy

Anxiety/Worry

Marriage Counseling

Children Counseling

Pastors in Crisis

Communication

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Depression

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Divorce RecoverSuicidal Thoughts

Phone sessions are available

Visit LakeCityCounsel.com to learn more or  
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