 
### Kev

### omgiag i

### Mark A Labbe

Copyright 2015 Mark A Labbe

ISBN: 9781310008979

Published by Mark A Labbe

License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Characters of Interest

In the Beginning Again

Clive and the girl

Pnukes

The Show

The Nidian Connection

The Black Cube

Aputi's Dream

Surth Beta

Jesus

Satan

Hell

The Deevil

In the Beginning Again

Unknowing

The Girl

The Cubes

Return Contestant

The Journal

Captured

Galthinon

Surrender

The Rules

About Me
Foreword

I have written this story before, or some version thereof, in a different style, but with the same voice. However, that tale confused some people, and I suppose it would have, given that the narrator and supposed protagonist, Kev, has some serious memory problems. Still, the story didn't have to be confusing.

Yesterday, in a fit of frustration, I erased all copies of the previous book. Madness, for sure, but the kind of madness necessary for me to be able to rewrite this book and get it right.

If you have read the old version, you will see that some elements of the story have changed significantly. I say that now, knowing they will, prior to rewriting the story, if that makes any sense at all. I say that because I see the story now, the way I would have written it if I had the patience to do it the right way, or, at least, this way.

I am toning some things down and ramping some things up, building a more fleshed out universe (not really) and maybe even putting some science behind things (highly unlikely), despite the fact that this is in no way intended to be a hard science fiction story. In fact, it is not meant to be a science fiction story at all. It simply has some science fiction elements. So, if not science fiction, what is it?

This is the story of a man, a man who has forgotten, who is thrust into an unrecognizable world, surrounded by beings that all seem to know him, beings who would help him if they could. However, the rules are quite strict, and Kev is going to have to figure out most things on his own.

I have many people to thank, and I thank all of them. Early readers really helped me figure out where I had gone wrong. In particular, I would like to thank Alan Rinzler for reading something that wasn't in his wheelhouse and taking the time to answer my questions. While his answers were quite concise, they revealed more about the early version of this book than any other feedback I had.
Introduction

_Kev_ is the first book in the six or seven or maybe eight book _omgiag_ series. It will definitely not go beyond nine books, but if it does, it will surely stop at eleven, a nice prime number, but not the nicest prime number of all, thirty-seven. If it does not stop at eleven, a distinct possibility, then I believe it will stop on a prime number, given that I really like prime numbers (if you don't know what a prime number is, feel free to ask someone.)

I have, in fact, written other books in this series, books I will probably never publish, primarily because they are works of a man who has come unhinged, who has found himself and has found that he is not who he thought he was before he wrote these books, a fact that brings him great pain and embarrassment, a truth that has led him to encrypt all of the other books and throw away the password, because he is not who he was and he is worried that these books are not what he thinks they are, a possibility that makes it highly unlikely that he will publish these other books. Do you understand?

Other books in this series that have been written (and encrypted) include _Barflurgle_ (a direct sequel), _Arag_ (a direct sequel), _Nigel_ (a direct sequel to _Arag_ ), _Clive_ (a direct sequel), and _the girl_ (a direct sequel).

Books that have not been written but might be written include _Chot_ (a direct sequel to _Barflurgle_ ), _Ralf_ (a direct sequel to _Barflurgle_ ), _Carly_ (a direct sequel to _Ralf_ ), _Booger_ (a direct sequel to _Nigel_ ), _Aputi_ (a direct sequel), _B24ME_ (a direct sequel), _Timmy_ (a direct sequel to _Clive_ ), and many others. You see, there are many characters in these books, interesting characters who would really like to have a go at being the main characters of their own books, maybe even protagonists (some of them really shouldn't be protagonists.) They are all willful and strange and worthy of some level of attention, and I think they might be of interest to you.
Characters of Interest

Kev - A wonderful, memory-impaired fellow

The voice – Claims to be Kev

Kev's mother – The best mother ever

Kev's father – The best father ever

Uncle Joe – The best uncle ever

Aunt Helen – A strange lady

Doug – A nihilistic Canadian (North American variety)

Bob – A nihilistic Canadian (North American variety)

Clive – Kev's best friend

the girl – The girl Kev loves

Brok – The bartender on Uthio Minor

Max – A bartender in Vermont

Chit – A Canadian (Not a North American Canadian)

Aputi – An Inuit/Bladrithian

Barry – A barfly

B24ME – Host of The Show

The Proth Sphere – Sometimes co-creator of the infinite universes

Bok Choy – A Thrit who wants to be part of this story

Ruby – A charming Nidian who loves being a mother

The Kev's – Kev's sons

Soph – Kev's daughter

Bri – Sometimes co-creator of the infinite universes

The brain in a vat – Quite an enabler

Grall Tok – Possibly the ugliest being in the infinite universes

Jesus – Jesus

In the Beginning Again

"Wake up, Kev," said the voice that had been talking to me for as long as I could remember, a voice that told me many things, things that often disturbed me, things I often forgot. It claimed to be me, my own voice, but I didn't quite believe it.

It often told me I would know everything if only I could remember, although I rarely remembered it telling me that.

I rolled out of bed, my eyes barely open, changed out of my pajamas and went out to the kitchen. My mom had prepared breakfast, my favorite, French toast, berries and bacon.

"Are you excited, Kev?" said my mom as I sat at the counter.

"Excited?" I said.

"You've forgotten, haven't you?" she said.

"I guess." I forgot many things, my conversations with my parents and others often full of reminders. I forgot names and faces, places and events. Sometimes I forgot who I was.

"It's your ninth birthday, Kev. Don't you remember? We're having a party."

"Oh, right," I said.

The voice told me I was forgetting something else, but wouldn't tell me what. Sometimes the voice spoke in riddles or dropped hints, and usually when it did, things happened that it claimed I should have known would happen. Sometimes the voice claimed that these things had already happened, although it never explained how that could be possible.

"Uncle Joe is coming. So is Aunt Helen," said my mom, sitting beside me at the table.

That perked me up a bit. Uncle Joe gave the best presents. He had given me a model airplane on my eighth birthday that I had taken apart and put back together many times, maybe an infinite number of times. Aunt Helen also gave great gifts, though they were often strange. For my eighth birthday she gave me a clear cube about three quarters of an inch on a side. When I asked her what it was she said, "I don't know, but it's yours." Sometimes when holding the cube, sometimes when I had thoughts about who I was or what I was doing, the cube would vibrate or pulse. I kept it with me at all times and would often sit with it for hours seeing which thoughts would elicit a response. The voice had told me many times over it would save me one day.

I finished breakfast and left the house to go out to my fort, a small hut my dad helped me construct out in the woods behind our house. As I left the house, I saw my dad on a ladder, wrangling with the same testy gutter he had been wrangling with for weeks.

"Hey, Kev," said my dad.

"Hey," I said.

"Going to the fort?"

"Yeah," I said, not stopping to talk.

I had named the fort Uthio and imagined it a tropical home on a distant ocean world, the most beautiful world in the universe, my refuge from the dark lord, B24ME, an evil robot bent on my destruction. Inside the fort were a small table and a chair, and on the table lay a journal and some colored pens. I often wrote in the journal, often after the voice told me to write something in it.

I sat down and opened the journal, turning to a random, blank page. I very rarely turned to pages I had written, primarily because I knew there were things in that journal I did not want to read, things that I knew I would find disturbing. The voice would often complain about this, telling me that I would never remember things, important things, unless I read the journal entries I had written. Most of the time I ignored the voice, an annoying presence that wouldn't leave me alone.

I picked up a red pen and wrote, "Today is my ninth birthday. Having a party. I don't know who will come. Do I know anyone?"

"Write 'Beware of Clive,'" said the voice.

"Why do you always tell me to write that?" I said, not writing the words as instructed.

"Because you need to remember it," said the voice.

"Why?"

"Just write it. I'm sick of reminding you."

I wrote, "The voice wants me to beware of Clive."

"You should have written, 'I want me to write beware of Clive,' or just 'Beware of Clive,'" said the voice.

"Whatever. I wrote it," I said.

"Something is going to happen today, and I can't stop it," said the voice.

"What is going to happen?"

"Something terrible, but you are going to be okay."

"So, you're not going to tell me what?"

"I don't remember what, but I know it will happen today."

"Great. Maybe you shouldn't have told me anything. That way, I wouldn't have to worry about it."

"I think you'll find, dear Kev, that knowing ahead of time will save you from terrible things."

I wrote, "The voice is annoying and I wish it would go away."

"Not nice," said the voice.

I wrote, "I guess wishes don't come true."

"Brat," said the voice.

"You are going to meet Clive soon," said the voice.

"When?"

"I'm not sure, but you will."

"I don't know if I believe you. Most of the things you tell me will happen haven't happened."

"Well, they will happen. In fact, some have already happened. Is that right? It is probably right. Some have happened and others might happen. Some might happen again," said the voice.

I flipped back through the pages of my journal, not heeding the warning in my mind, and found an entry that read, "He says I will be on a deadly game show. B24ME is evil," and read it out loud.

"That happened and will most likely happen again," said the voice. "Beware of the blue cube."

"I think you've told me that already," I said.

"Yeah, but you need to write it down so you don't forget."

"Well, I'm not writing it. Go away."

I found my page again and wrote, "Who are my friends?"

This time, the voice said nothing. It had departed, but for how long it would be gone I did not know.

I continued writing, "Do I know Clive? If not, when will I meet him? Should I beware of him, or is the voice playing a trick on me?"

I paused for a moment, trying to remember other things the voice had told me, remembering something rather odd. I remembered the voice telling me who Clive was. I couldn't believe it, putting my pen to paper and writing, "Clive is," and then pausing, pausing because I couldn't remember who the voice had said Clive was.

After a few minutes trying to recover the memory, I gave up, realizing I would not remember by trying to remember. I almost never remembered things I tried to remember. Frustrated and in no mood to continue writing, I decided to go back to my room.

As I left my fort, I noticed two small cubes on the ground, a red one and a black one. I picked them up and examined them. The red one had no markings of any kind. The black one had a small blue button and a digital display that read, "2005," which happened to be the current year. The two cubes were identical in size to my clear cube. Who had left these cubes on the ground? Had I? "What are these cubes?" I said to the voice. I received no answer.

I pressed the button on the black cube once and let go. Nothing happened. I pressed it twice and nothing happened, and then, figuring it was just some useless toy I had previously discarded, possibly something Aunt Helen had given me, I put it and the red cube in my pocket.

I returned to my room to continue work on my airplane, now almost completely disassembled. How many times had I taken it apart and put it back together? It seemed like an infinite number of times, though I knew that wasn't possible, or at least not probable, although I harbored some amount of suspicion that I had, in fact, taken it apart and put it back together a near infinite number of times, a strange thought for a young boy to have, perhaps, but the thought I had.

Some time later, my mother called out to me. It was time for the party. I went into the kitchen and saw my mother and two kids I recognized, although I couldn't put names to their faces. Of course, they knew I wouldn't remember and had a little fun with me, claiming to be Smelly Pockets and Dung Beetle. We went outside and started a game of pig. Soon after that, the rest of the guests arrived, including Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen.

A truck pulling a horse trailer pulled into the driveway, and two men, both wearing black t-shirts, each imprinted on the front with a red maple leaf, unloaded two ponies, leading them out into the front yard. Printed on the backs of the shirts were what I presumed were their names, Bob and Doug. I looked at these two men for a moment, wondering if I had seen them before, in a different age, but not so distant a place, and then abandoned that thought, dismissing it as just another artifact of my chronic memory problems.

I looked at the ponies as one of them relieved itself on the lawn, and in that moment, I saw that event played over and over countless times. I then turned and looked at my parents who were chatting with Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen. How many times had they had that conversation? What were they talking about? Was it the same every time? Uncle Joe saw me and waved for me to come over, which I dutifully did.

"Kev Kev Bo Bev," cried Uncle Joe reaching out to give me a hug. "How you doing, buddy?"

"Good," I said.

"Just good?" said Uncle Joe, a playful frown on his face.

"Better than good," I said. "Are those men going to clean the poop up?" I pointed to the men who had brought the ponies.

"No, you're going to have to clean it up, Kev," said Aunt Helen in her serious silly voice, the voice she used when she made some wisecrack or when she had been drinking. In this case, I assumed that she had been drinking and that this was, in fact, a wisecrack.

"Really?" I said in a not so serious way, but also seriously considering the memory of having this conversation before, thinking that not possible, although possibly likely.

The party commenced, all the kids taking turns riding the ponies, the other kids chasing around in the yard or playing basketball. I took my turn on one of the ponies and was immediately bucked off. How many times had I been bucked off that pony?

Some time later, we all sat down to lunch, my favorite, barbequed chicken and rice. Some of the kids had hoped for pizza, a regular enough offering for a birthday party, but I didn't really like pizza. Well, I liked pizza. In fact, I really liked it, but I had this strange memory that haunted me, a memory of a birthday when I had pizza at my party, during which my parents died, struck down by a fallen satellite. I knew this was absurd, of course. My parents were alive. However the memory of their death was something I couldn't ignore, and the memory of having pizza on the day they died was also one I couldn't suppress. Do you understand? Perhaps not yet.

After lunch, my mom brought out the cake, candles lit. Everyone sang the obligatory song, and then I blew out the candles, forgetting to make a wish when I did. In all of the seemingly infinite times I had blown those candles out, had I ever made a wish? I thought not.

I heard something and looked up, just in time to see a large object falling from the sky, trailing a long contrail of smoke, fast approaching and heading our way. I remembered something and froze, unable to say the words that might have made a difference.

Seconds later, the body of the airplane crashed onto our next door neighbor's house, and the tail of the plane landed on my parents, who had been off to the side talking, killing them instantly. Images of this event in an infinity of forms flashed through my head, and then my mind shut down.

What followed, confusion, chaos, screaming people and, eventually, police cars and fire trucks, was lost on me. Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen had taken me inside my house to protect me from the ghastly aftermath of this calamity, and were doing their best to reassure me that everything would be all right, although I didn't understand why they were acting this way, given that I had completely forgotten what had happened.

The next day, I still didn't remember what had happened, and didn't remember my parents. Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen didn't tell me what had happened, nor did they tell me anything when I asked why I would be living with Aunt Helen going forward. Despite the fact that I had completely forgotten my parents, I had not forgotten my home, and I thought it strange that I would leave it behind.
Clive and the girl

I moved in with my aunt, although I would have preferred to live with Uncle Joe on his farm in Macon, Georgia. Sometimes, I wondered where my parents were, or more precisely, wondered who they were, but most of the time I didn't think about them at all. The few times I asked my aunt about them, she simply told me they lived in heaven, a place she said all good people went to in the afterlife. Once she told me I could go see them, if only I could remember how.

All of my friends, the friends I didn't usually remember, would come over to play, but all of them had been instructed not to mention anything about my parents or anything else I might have forgotten.

My aunt, a strange lady by all accounts, did her best to take care of me, but she had problems of her own. I would often hear her talking to herself, often saying things like, "Why can't it end? Why can't we all do something else? Why can't he remember?" She had taken to drinking and often drank too much, often saying things like, "Do you think you are going to figure it out, Kev?" or "I would tell you, but you would just forget. You'll never remember. You'll never win," after a few drinks, even if I said nothing to prompt her.

We would go to movies, often movies far too mature for one of my age, would go to a nearby park to feed the ducks, and would sometimes go on adventures to distant places, some beyond strange, alien worlds far, far away, places Aunt Helen told me I had been to before, places I always forgot. Aunt Helen did quite a bit with me and showed great love for me. That said, I couldn't say I was unhappy. In fact, I think I was happy, although at times, I felt more than a little confused and more than a little concerned for my aunt.

Summer came, the school year finished, and Aunt Helen sent me away to camp for the most of the summer, my idea, although I knew not why.

There I met Clive, one of my bunkmates. A tall, thick, brown skinned boy, nine years old, Clive lived in Hawaii. He and I immediately hit it off, spending all of our free time together. Of course, I remembered none of the warnings issued by the voice.

Clive liked to play games, and had made up a game called The Show. I was the contestant on The Show, a sometimes-unwilling contestant, given that the challenges on The Show usually led to injury. However, I always healed and healed quickly, which often led to Clive saying things like, "Do you get it?" or "Is it sinking in yet?"

Many times I suggested other forms of entertainment, but always, Clive insisted The Show was our game, in fact, _the game._ Part of me knew he was right. Part of me knew that this game held great importance, but that part of me could not articulate why.

On the last day of camp, Clive thought up a strange challenge, one he called, "Choke Hold."

"So, you sit there and I'll get behind you and put you in a choke hold. All you have to do is break free and you win," said Clive.

"What if I don't break free?" I said. Clive was much larger than me and I knew I stood no chance of breaking free.

"Then you die," said Clive.

"Tell you what," I said. "How about you go drown yourself?"

"Funny. Are you going to play or what?" said Clive.

How many times had I broken my arm that summer, only to heal seconds later? Three times, I thought. I had also broken my nose and my shinbone, had split my skull open and punctured my abdomen after falling on a pointy stick. Each time I had healed in a matter of seconds and each time I forgot the pain and eventually the injury.

"Fine, I'll play."

Clive got behind me and put me in a chokehold, squeezing as tight as he could. I punched and kicked and tried to scream, but he would not let go. Eventually, I blacked out, saw a flash of light and then found myself on the ground, staring up at Clive, a sick grin on his face.

"What happened?" I said.

"You tell me," was all he would say.

On our last day at camp we exchanged numbers and email addresses. Clive told me he would be attending a private school called Baker, a school not far from my home. I told him I would try to get my aunt to send me there.

I never forgot who Clive was that entire summer, although I could barely remember the names of any of the other kids I met.

Three days after returned to my aunt's home, Uncle Joe flew up to Connecticut in his airplane and brought me down to Macon, Georgia, to his farm. I had vague memories of that place, and of a nearby park, and also remembered an abandoned farm across from the park and a girl, although I couldn't remember her name.

On the first day with Uncle Joe, he took me to the park and played with me. He brought a remote controlled helicopter that we flew, although I failed to master the controls, eventually breaking it beyond repair. The whole time, I had my eyes on the barn on the abandoned farm, but for what reason I did not know.

The next day, I went to the park by myself. In the center of the park stood a large wooden fort. I climbed to the top of it and stared out at the abandoned farm, perhaps expecting someone, soon seeing a young girl poke her head out of the half-opened barn door.

I saw her come out of the barn, running toward me. I knew her, but did not know how, and wondered if I would ever know.

She stopped at the bottom of the fort and called out, "What are you doing up there, dummy?"

I fell in love.

She wore ratty, torn and soiled jeans and a dirty white shirt. Her shoes were mismatched and untied. Her jet-black hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in months and she had two missing front teeth. She wore a grin, the grin of some all-knowing being, some creature beyond imagining, beautiful and strange. I was in love.

"Waiting for you, I think," I said, knowing, in that moment, that was exactly what I had been doing.

She climbed to the top of the fort, gave me a playful punch on the shoulder, and then said, "You don't remember, do you?"

"No."

"That's okay. You will eventually. So, are you going to ask me to marry you?"

"What's your name?" I said.

"I don't think I know you well enough to tell you that, Kev," she said, the grin still on her face. "So are you going to ask me to marry you?"

"Um, will you marry me?"

"Not like that, dummy. You have to get down on your knees."

I dropped to my knees and asked again. Her face turned serious, and she said, "I accept." She leaned down and gave me a kiss and then pulled me up to my feet.

"Why don't I remember you?" I said.

"You don't remember many things," she said. "Do you want to go somewhere far away for our honeymoon?"

"Like where?"

"How about Uthio Minor?" she said.

"Where is that?"

"Far, far away. I can take us there. Of course, if you remembered, you could take us there, but you don't."

"I guess I don't remember a lot of things," I said.

"I know, Kev, but you will." She grabbed my hand and for an instant, the world distorted.

We appeared on a wide beach, hundred foot tall palm trees lining the shore. Off in the distance I saw a hut of some sort, perhaps an outdoor bar. I saw a creature behind the bar, bug-like and dark. Nearby, I saw a house with a thatched roof and bamboo walls. The girl led me to the house and took me inside.

I remembered this house and had vague memories of living in it, but living in it in a different time, while older. I remembered children playing in the house with this older me, and thought I was remembering some strange dream.

"This is our home," she said.

"Where are we?" I said, an unnecessary question, given that I did in some strange way know where I was. I just couldn't believe it. How was this possible?

"Uthio Minor," she said.

"Is this a dream?"

"No, dummy. This is our home. Come on, let's get some green tea," she said. "Maybe that will help you remember."

She led me out of the house and down the beach to the hut, which was, in fact, a bar. We climbed up onto two stools. I looked at the bug-like creature that was now staring at me, its two clusters of many eyes, iridescent and vaguely menacing.

"Hey, Kev," it said.

"Uh," I said.

"He doesn't remember, does he?" said the bug-like creature to the girl.

"Not one thing," she said.

"I'm Brok," said Brok.

"You're a bug," I said.

"I'll have you know, I am a Belethian," said Brok.

"Okay," I said, thinking Brok looked like a cross between an ant and a cricket, although his hands, all six of them were quite like a human's and his feet, all four of them, which I saw when I peered over the edge of the bar, looked much like those of a bird. Odd, I thought, although I did not reject the notion that Brok did exist. Nor did I reject the notion that all of this, this place and experience, made perfect sense.

"Green tea?" said Brok.

"Yes," said the girl.

Brok prepared two green teas and placed them on the bar in front of us. "So, how long are you staying?"

"I don't know," I said, looking up at the sky, noticing two suns hanging high and a moon hovering over the horizon.

"We're not going to be here long," said the girl.

"Where are we?" I said.

"Uthio Minor, the universe's greatest paradise," said Brok.

"Yeah, but where's that?"

"About thirty-seven billion light-years from Earth," said the girl.

"I don't understand," I said. The voice told me to try to remember this place, and I paused, not remembering the voice, and then decided I had just been talking to myself and dismissed its command.

"Have a drink. Maybe that will help," said Brok.

I took a sip of the tea and gasped. This was not green tea. It tasted like--what did it taste like? Something like maple syrup mixed with jet fuel.

I heard laughter, familiar voices, and then a woman's voice.

"Welcome to The If Only You Could Remember Experience," said the woman. I looked around for the source of the voice, but only saw Brok and the girl.

"It's all in your head, Kev," said the girl. "Just relax."

In that instant, an infinite number of lives passed before my eyes, all my lives, each different, but somehow the same. I remembered and forgot countless times, sometimes possessing infinite knowledge, sometimes not knowing who I was. The moment passed and I found myself sitting cross-legged in the kitchen of my home in Connecticut, a home I had forgotten. I saw a woman standing near the refrigerator, talking to a man. Something told me these were my parents, although I did not recognize them.

"Where's Kev?" said the man.

"Oh, he's in his room, taking apart his airplane," said the woman. "Why don't you go see him?"

"In a minute. I've been thinking about something."

"What's that?"

"I think we should change Kev's name."

"Why would we do that?" said the woman, turning to face the man.

"Don't you think Kev is a stupid name? Don't you think we should name him Kevin?"

"What's wrong with Kev?"

"I don't know. It's not a real name. It's an abbreviation, if anything."

"Well, it was your mother's dying wish that we name him Kev," said the woman.

"You and I both know she was drunk when she said that. She must have meant Kevin."

"I don't know. Why does it matter?"

"It's just a stupid name. Anyway, maybe we could name him Jeremy or something else."

"That would just confuse him, dear. Anyway, if you feel that strongly about it we can have it changed to Kevin, but I'm still going to call him Kev."

"Okay," said the man.

I blinked and found myself back at the bar, now staring at the girl.

"Well?" said the girl.

"What?" I said, having virtually no memory of what I had just experienced..

"It didn't work," said the girl to Brok.

"What didn't work?" I said.

"You'll figure it out eventually," said the girl.

"I don't understand," I said.

"I can't tell you," said the girl. "You have to figure it out on your own. Rules are rules, after all."

"What rules?" I said. "Are we playing a game?"

"You'll see," said the girl. "Where should we go next?"

I paused for a moment before saying, "Is any of this real?"

"In a way," said the girl. "You know what? Maybe we could go somewhere really cool. I haven't been to Bela Feck in a while. You've been there before, but I'm sure you don't remember."

"Okay," I said, now in a haze. "What's it like?"

Once again, the world distorted, and then we appeared on the deck of a super-massive platform in the middle of a vast, green sea, a giant, pale blue sun setting. On top of the platform rose skyscrapers miles high. I saw aliens of various shapes and sizes roaming around, ignoring the two Earth-children in their midst.

Strange kite-like creatures floated above, green and yellow, and I could smell mint in the air. "How are you doing this?" I said.

"You should know, Kev. It's sad that you don't."

"Tell me, please."

"Rules are rules."

"What rules? What are you talking about?"

She looked at me, and by her eyes I was consumed. I looked away, now examining my surroundings.

"We are on another planet," I said, mostly to myself. "We can breathe here."

"Well, not all worlds are like this, of course, but there are millions upon millions that are. There are many places we can't go, places beyond strange. I've seen many of them, but only when protected by containment fields."

"Containment fields?"

"Yeah, they a very useful when you're in some places."

"What other worlds can we visit?"

"Many worlds, Kev, far too many to imagine and far too many to count. The most amazing of them is Galthinon. Maybe some day I will take you there."

"What is it like?"

"You'll just have to see for yourself. Too bad you can't remember."

"Who am I?" I said struck by a strange doubt, feeling the clear cube pulse in my pocket, and wondering if I would ever find out.

"You are. Doesn't that tell you enough?" said the girl. "You hungry?"

"Yeah," I said, my belief that this might be a dream taking hold of me again.

The girl led me to a small building on the edge of the platform. On the pale red wall facing us, I saw a gray square and an opening beside it. She placed her hand on the gray square and then reached into the opening, pulling out a small cup filled with something that looked like crushed green ice, handing it to me along with a spoon. She got one for herself and brought me over to a yellow bench.

I scooped a bit of the green ice onto the spoon and tasted it, surprised to find it tasted much like lime and cherry mixed together. "Is this safe to eat?"

"Yeah, of course, dummy. Do you think I would try to poison you?"

"What is it?"

"Not sure, but it's good. I call it Goog."

"Goog," I said, taking another bite. "Is it nutritious?"

"Doesn't matter. Eat anything you want. You'll be fine."

"You know, I'd think I would remember if I had been here before," I said.

"Nah, you forget things all the time. You really should destroy that black cube of yours."

How did she know about the black cube? "Why should I destroy it?"

"You have a tendency to lose your memories when you use it."

"Use it for what?"

The girl looked at me, a sad smile on her face. "I want to tell you, but now is not the right time, Kev."

I pulled out the black cube and looked at it. As I moved to press the button on it, the girl stopped me. "Not now. You are hard to find when you use it."

"Why?" I said.

"You should only use it when you really need to," she said.

"I don't even know what it is," I said.

"You'll remember."

Later, we went to the top of one of the skyscrapers. From the top, we could see other platforms in the distance, immense structures with skyscrapers as tall as the ones on this platform. Flying ships moved to and fro, some landing on our platform, some going to distant places.

"I like coming here," she said.

"It's beautiful. Are there other places like this?"

"Well, Hithatios is somewhat like this, although the buildings aren't as large, and the sky is yellow there, and you can't breath the air."

"How many places have you visited?"

"I've lost track. Far more than I can count, but my favorite place is Uthio Minor. That is our planet."

"Ours?"

"Yes, Kev. We are the only ones who live there. Well, right now, anyway."

"What about Brok?"

"He lives on Travet."

"Is that a nice place?"

"It's different. I've only been there once and that was enough for me."

"I know I'm going to wake up soon, so I want to thank you."

"Kev, I can say with absolute certainty that you are awake."

"Maybe we should get back," said the girl.

"How much time has passed?"

"Back home, no time will have passed. I can bring us to any point in time, except the future. To the relative future, yes, but the true future hasn't happened yet."

"What does that mean?"

"What year do you think it is?" she said.

"It's two thousand, five."

"Wrong, dummy. It's three thousand, thirty-seven, Earth time."

"How is that possible?"

"You're living in the past. You'll see soon enough. Anyway, we're in three thousand, thirty-seven right now. When we were on Uthio Minor we were also in three thousand, thirty-seven."

I tried to understand, to make my confused brain accept things, but I found myself in a haze. "You're really not going to tell me what's going on, are you?"

"You're going to figure it out. Anyway, it's against the rules."

"What rules? What are you talking about?"

"I can't tell you. I've already said too much."

We returned to the park in Macon and played for a couple of hours before the girl left. She said she had to take care of something important, and disappeared right before my eyes.

The next day, I went to the park, waiting for her to return. She showed up, as I was about to leave.

"Sorry I'm late," she said.

"I didn't think you were real."

"Oh, I'm real. You might be too," she said.

I didn't ask for an explanation, knowing it was pointless. "Maybe we can go somewhere else today," I said.

"Not today. I just stopped by to say hi."

"Couldn't you have just gone back in time to when I first came here?"

"I can only come to you in your relative present, not your past, Kev. You explained it to me once, but I have to admit, I didn't understand a word you said."

"But, you said this is the past."

"It is my past, not yours. Well, it is your past, but not the way you might think."

"Not helpful."

"I know, but I don't really get it."

"How much time do you have?"

"Only enough time for this," she said, giving me a kiss and then disappearing.

I returned to Uncle Joe's and we spent the rest of the day on the airstrip he had built on one of his fields, flying remote controlled airplanes.

"Uncle Joe, can we go to a jewelry store today?"

"Why?"

"I want to get a ring for the girl."

"What girl?"

"The girl in the park," I said. I hadn't told Uncle Joe about the girl.

"Okay. We can do that. What's her name?"

"I don't know. She won't tell me."

Uncle Joe laughed, "Girls are difficult creatures."

"I know."

The next day, I waited at the park for her return, but she did not come. Nor did she come on any of the ten days that followed. On my last day in Macon, the girl appeared at the park. She apologized for going missing, claiming she had trouble finding me, which struck me as odd although I didn't question it.

"I didn't think you were coming back," I said. I had spent every day at the park waiting for her, only leaving when Uncle Joe came to get me.

"Don't worry, Kev. Even if you're lost, I'll find you, although you can be hard to find sometimes."

"I have something for you," I said, reaching inside my pocket and pulling out a silver ring with a single, small amethyst. I knelt down and put it on her finger, seeing tears come to her eyes. She dropped down to her knees and kissed me.

"I love you, Kev. Some day you will truly understand that. I hope it's soon, dummy," she said, punching me on the shoulder. "You're it." She jumped up and sped off into the park.

We spent the day chasing each other in the park, laughing and screaming. I remember everything now, but I remember that day more clearly than any other. At the time, I knew few things, but I knew I loved her more than anything else.

Finally, we stopped to catch our breath. I knew it was time to leave, but didn't know how to end things.

"You could visit me in Connecticut, you know," I said.

She paused before saying, "We'll see. Anyway, you'll probably forget me."

"I'll never forget you," I said.

"Kev, you've forgotten me countless times. You will forget me."

I swore I wouldn't forget her, but had already forgotten her by the time I reached my aunt's house in Connecticut.

While I had been away, Aunt Helen arranged for me to get into Baker, the private school Clive would be attending in the fall, the school I had begged to attend. Before Baker would accept me I had to go through a series of tests, so my aunt drove me to the school where I spent several hours being interviewed and tested. The next day, the school accepted me, noting that I had scored higher on my tests than any other student in their history. In fact, I had perfect scores.

I moved into my dormitory a week later.

For whatever reason, I remembered Clive, and counted myself lucky when I found out I would be rooming with him.

Clive and I had the same classes and always sat next to each other. He liked to pass notes to me in class, notes that detailed all of the challenges I would face on The Show. Some of them were ridiculous, like "survive in the vacuum of space," and "battle Excretorian ants," but others I knew were challenges I would really face, like, "keep Clive from suffocating you," and "jump out of a two-story window."

I survived his challenges, always harmed, but never permanently injured, and Clive always said things like, "You just don't get it," and "Are you terminally stupid?"

Every now and then, I remembered a girl, a nameless girl, who may or may not have been real. She was in my dreams, both waking and asleep. I heard her voice. Sometimes, I felt her kiss.

Toward the end of the school year, my aunt agreed to have Clive stay with us for the summer, so Clive and I made our plans, Clive focusing on creating challenges for The Show, and me focusing on finding other things we could do. I told him about my fort, the one thing I truly remembered from my past life.

A new family had moved into my old house. They had no children, but despite that, had not taken down the fort, knowing my story and happy to let me play there.

Summer came and Clive and I went to my aunt's house. We spent most of our time playing in the fort. Clive helped me fix it up a bit, and we brought some toys over. Clive said having just a journal and some pens would be too boring.

I knew the journal was mine, but I never peeked inside. If I had, I would have learned quite a bit about myself. If I had, I would have remembered the voice. I would have remembered my parents, and I would have remembered the girl and Clive. But, open it I did not.

"New challenge," said Clive.

"Challenge?" I said, having completely forgotten about The Show.

"See that tree?" said Clive, pointing to a tall pine tree. "You have to climb up all the way to the top."

"You're going to regret this," said the voice. I looked around, wondering if someone else was near. "I'm in your head, dummy."

"Who is this?" I said.

"What?" said Clive.

"Not you," I said to Clive.

"You don't need to speak out loud," said the voice. "Just think. Anyway, don't climb the tree."

"Why not?" I thought, wondering if I had gone mad.

"Trust me. You don't want to do it."

"Well, are you going to climb or what?" said Clive.

"One second," I said to Clive.

"Who are you?" I thought.

"I'm you, you moron. Don't you remember?"

"No. What are you doing inside my head?"

"I am saving you from a world of pain," said the voice.

"Kev, climb the tree," said Clive.

"What are you talking about?" I thought.

The voice didn't answer. I turned to Clive, forgetting about the voice, and said, "What do I get if I win?"

"Your life. Anyway, you only win a prize if you win all the challenges," said Clive.

"How many challenges are there?" I said, wondering what kind of game we were playing.

"An infinite number," said Clive. "Climb."

I made it about two thirds of the way up the tree and stopped. The branches were much thinner at that height and I didn't think they would hold my weight. "I can't go up any higher," I said.

"Yeah, you can. Anyway, if you don't make it to the top you lose."

"What if I lose?"

"You die."

"Funny."

"I'm not kidding," said Clive.

I moved up a few branches and stopped again after I heard a branch crack. "Seriously, I'm going to fall," I said.

"Keep going," said Clive.

I made it up another two branches before the branch I stood on snapped, sending me falling to the ground, my body slamming against branches as I fell. I hit the ground and screamed. I could see my thighbone poking out of my pant leg. Moments, later, my leg returned to normal, but there was a bloody hole in my pants. How many pieces of clothing had I destroyed while playing The Show?

"What just happened?" I said.

"You lost," said Clive, coming behind me and putting me into a choke-hold. I couldn't break free and soon blacked out, saw a flash of light and then found myself on the ground, Clive standing over me.

"What just happened?" I said.

"You tell me," said Clive. "Are you ready for the next challenge?"

"How about I give you a challenge," I said, the memory of falling and being choked by Clive still in my mind but fading fast.

"What challenge?" said Clive.

"How about we play 'Let's Drown Clive in the Stream?'"

Clive laughed harder than I had ever heard him laugh before. When he stopped, he wiped his eyes and said, "Won't work."

Clive sometimes wrote in my journal, although he never would tell me what he wrote, and I never read any of it. I now know why, but at the time I just thought Clive's thoughts were better left to Clive.

Later that summer, Uncle Joe flew up and brought Clive and me down to Macon for a couple of weeks. Uncle Joe's model airplane collection fascinated Clive. Getting to fly some of those model airplanes on Uncle Joe's airstrip blew his mind. When we weren't flying planes, Clive and I went to the park, where we would play The Show, the show I only sometimes remembered playing in the past. In a five-day period, I broke my arm three times, punctured an eye, almost had my ear cut off, and fractured several ribs, all injuries that quickly healed.

You might ask why I didn't question any of this. At the time, I didn't know it was something I should question. Throughout my life, all of my injuries had always healed in a matter of seconds. I had never had any serious injuries while around my family or friends (other than Clive), so nobody noticed, and I never thought much of it. Of course, I knew in some vague way that other kids were not like me, but I never really saw anyone other than my parents get seriously injured, and I didn't remember that. So, to me, the healing didn't seem abnormal or unnatural.

On our sixth day with Uncle Joe, while at the park, the girl appeared as I was picking myself up off the ground after jumping off the top of the fort for at least the tenth time that day, all a part of The Show.

"Hey, dummies," she said.

Clive looked closely at the girl, a strange look in his eyes, and said, "Who are you?"

"I don't think I know you well enough to tell you that," she said.

"I'm Kev," I said, dusting off my jeans. "This is Clive."

"I know who you are, Kev, you doofus," she said.

"You do?"

"I knew you wouldn't remember," she said.

"Remember what?" I said.

"Me." She held out her hand, showing me her ring. "Do you remember that?"

The ring looked familiar, but I couldn't place it. "Not sure," I said.

"You gave it to me," she said.

"Kev has a girlfriend," shouted Clive.

"I do not," I said.

"I'm his wife, Clive," said the girl.

"Excuse me," said Clive, the strange look in his eyes now transformed into something else, understanding. "Where's your ring, Kev?"

I looked at my bare hands. "I don't know."

The girl came over to me and gave me a kiss, and Clive, in his ever-cheerful way, sung, "Kev and the girl, sitting in a tree, k i s s i n g, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage."

"Shut up," I said, annoyed. I knew that I had a tendency to forget things, and was certain that I knew this girl, but for the life of me couldn't remember her name. "I'm sorry I forgot you. I forget a lot of people."

"That's okay, Kev. You'll remember eventually. So, what are you guys playing?"

"We're playing The Show. Kev is the contestant. Do you want to play? You can be a contestant too," said Clive, a wicked grin on his face.

"You don't want to be on The Show," I said.

"I'm sure I don't. Why don't we do something else?" said the girl.

"Like what?" said Clive.

"Why don't we go somewhere?" said the girl.

Clive had a funny look on his face, like he knew what was coming, and I almost asked him what he was thinking, but the girl cut in with, "Why don't we go to Pooter Gorth?"

"What kind of place is that?" said Clive, innocently enough, but with a tone that hinted he already knew.

"The kind of place where you have fun," said the girl. "Do you want to fly?"

"Like up in a plane?" I said, suddenly quite interested.

"No, like up in the air without a plane," said the girl.

A distortion in space and time preceded our appearance in the middle of a grassy park, a park surrounded by low, gray buildings and things that looked like trees, but were not, that were, in fact, sentient beings called palents, lovely creatures that hardly ever did anything unless roused, in which case, they could be quite lively, although at this time they were not terribly interested in activity of any sort, happy enough to observe the three children who had come to fly.

"This looks interesting, doesn't it, Kev?" said Clive.

"Follow me," said the girl, leading us to a small building on the edge of the park. On the side of the building I saw a shelf and on the shelf I saw several small metal disks. The girl picked one up and instructed us to each take one and put them in our pockets.

"Where are we?" I said, having forgotten that we were on Pooter Gorth.

"Pooter Gorth," said the girl. "I already told you that."

"Yeah, but where is that?" said Clive, now with an almost leading tone.

"About a thousand light-years from Earth," said the girl, shooting Clive a dark look.

"So, we're on another planet?" I said.

"Yup," she said.

"Kev, do you think she's an alien?" said Clive, laughing.

"I don't know," I said.

"I'm not an alien, you moron. Now, all you have to do is think of flying, like this." The girl rose into the air, moving slowly away from us. I stared at her, utterly amazed.

Moments later, Clive floated up into the sky, picking up speed. He let out a hoot and cried, "What are you waiting for, Kev? An invitation?"

"Yeah, what are you waiting for?" said the voice.

"Who are you?" I thought.

"I am you, dummy."

I lifted off the ground and chased after Clive and the girl.

"How do you land?" I called out after about an hour of zipping through the sky, now at least a thousand feet in the air and overcome by nausea.

"Carefully," called out the girl. "Think of landing slowly or you'll hurt yourself."

Clive floated to the ground, followed by the girl and then me.

"Holy crap," laughed Clive. "Are you sure you're not an alien?"

"Pretty sure," said the girl, now clearly annoyed with Clive.

"What else can we do?" said Clive, ignoring the girl's tone.

"Where else can we go?" I said.

"Well, we could go to Nerux. Zero gravity. Tons of fun. It's another playground," said the girl.

"Let's go," said Clive.

We appeared in a large space station, in a large chamber with a variety of floating objects of different shapes, sizes and colors, drifting in space, surrounded by aliens that I guessed were children, judging by their sizes.

"Do you think this is a dream, Kev?" said Clive.

"I don't know," I said. "Don't you think it's odd that we would be having a dream together?"

"You're not dreaming, Kev," said the girl, pushing off of a rotating cube toward us, bumping into me and then reaching out and giving a Clive a push. Clive drifted over to a red sphere about the size of a basketball and held on. The girl and I drifted over to a wall, and then she pushed off heading for a star shaped object. I attempted to follow her, but found myself floating toward a stationary, green cylinder. As I neared it, I reached out and grabbed it, stopping myself.

"What is this place?" I said.

"It's a space station orbiting Neta Nexus Nine," said the girl. Neta Nexus Nine sounded familiar.

"What's the planet like?" said Clive. "Maybe we can go there some time if it isn't ruled by an evil dictator or something."

"Maybe you should go down there and find out for us, Clive," said the girl.

I had been looking at the girl, a memory coming back to me. I knew who she was and I knew how I felt about her. I remembered giving her the ring. If there was anything more to remember, it was, at least for the moment, lost.

We played a game of zero gravity tag, a difficult game for me, much less so for the girl and Clive. Following that we returned to the park in Macon, my mind in a dream-like state.

"Where else can we go?" I said, filled with excitement.

"I don't know. Eventide, Blathus, Keek Snit, a bunch of places," said the girl, looking quite hard at Clive, clearly deciding something.

"I want to travel the way you do," I said.

"You can, dummy," said the girl, turning to look at me.

"No, I can't."

"Yes, you can. You just don't remember."

I remembered her telling me that I didn't remember some things on some other world, but not what, and wondered if that was a false memory.

"Can, I travel like you?" said Clive, a silly grin on his face.

"I would think you would know the answer to that question already, Clive," said the girl.

There was a tone in her words, something that made me feel like she knew something about Clive but was holding back from saying anything direct.

"I would also think I would know if I could," said Clive. "Who knows? Maybe I can."

"I have to go now," she said, ignoring Clive, taking my hand in hers.

"When will you be back?" I said.

"Maybe not for a while. We'll see."

"What do you mean?" I said, feeling my heart sink.

"Don't worry, Kev. I'll find you. I always do," she said, and with that she disappeared.

"She is definitely and alien," said Clive. "Dude, you have an alien wife."

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure about that," I said.

The girl didn't return to the park that summer, or in any of the six following summers, but I remembered her. Many times, I cried thinking about her, praying that she would come back.

Seven years after that day, I visited Uncle Joe again, alone this time. I had just graduated from high school, co-valedictorian of my class. Clive and I shared that title. I spent a month with my uncle, visiting the park every day. On my last day there, she returned, transformed into something words will never describe.

"You've grown," she said.

"So have you. I've missed you."

She smiled an ancient smile, something you would never expect to see on a seventeen year old's face, or on anyone's face, for that matter. In that instant I realized I had peeked into infinity, and knew I was in the presence of much more than a girl.

"Are you going to give me a kiss?" she said.

I kissed her on the cheek and she turned her head and gave me a more proper kiss. "I'm happy you remembered me this time," she said.

"There were times when I prayed I could forget you like I forget everything else, but I'm happy I didn't."

"Do you want to go somewhere?" she said.

"No, not really," I said. "Maybe we can just sit on the bench."

I led her to the bench where we sat for hours, and in those hours I felt like time had stopped, a static universe surrounding us. We talked about countless things, about her life and adventures, about what little of my life I could remember, about the universe and all of the strange places that existed within it, and about our love for each other.

"I have to go now," she said.

"When will I see you again?"

"I don't know, Kev. You are becoming more difficult to track. You have to stop using that black cube all the time."

"What are you talking about?" I knew I had the black cube, and that it was in my pocket at that very moment, but I had no memories of ever using it for anything.

"I can't tell you. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Please tell me what you are talking about."

"I'll tell you this. The more you use it, the more your memories will be messed up. Time lag. Also, it is much more difficult for me to find you when you use it, so don't use it."

I pulled out the black cube and looked at it. The date on the cube was 2013. I pushed the button once and let go, and said, "It doesn't do anything."

"Trust me, it does," she said.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Rules are rules, Kev. Anyway, you'll figure it out."

She gave me a kiss and then disappeared.

I looked down at the black cube and pressed the button on the cube again, this time holding it down for a second. The date went from 2013 to 2012. I looked around and noticed that things appeared to have changed, but in what way I was not sure. I pressed the button twice and held it for a second and the date went up by one.

Out of curiosity, I again pressed the button twice and held it, but this time until the number climbed to 3237 and stopped. Around me, the world had changed, although the park itself had not changed. Surrounding the park I now saw an immense city. In the sky above, I saw flying cars. In the park, I saw many people and some aliens. Nobody paid me any attention.

I forgot what I had done, forgot about the girl and her warning, and forgot who I was. I looked at the cube again, and out of curiosity, I pressed the button once and held it until the number dropped to 2013. Things returned to normal, although, at that point, I did not remember them being anything other than normal.

I had a habit of using the black cube this way, of taking myself back and forth in time, a kind of tick, something I didn't realize I did. I had done this many times, but always forgot I had done it.

A minute later, I remembered who I was and I remembered Uncle Joe and thought it might be a good time to go fly planes with him, so I returned to his farm.
Pnukes

Clive and I decided to go to college together, settling on MIT. We both chose computer science and electrical engineering as our majors.

I liked MIT, and really enjoyed living in Boston, and Clive felt the same way, but for some reason we both felt stifled. Still, we stuck to it, thinking we would be more engaged when we started taking higher-level classes.

In that time, Clive only mentioned the girl once, asking me if I remembered the time she took us to other planets. I had no idea what he was talking about and he said he might have imagined it, dropping the subject. I immediately forgot he ever brought it up.

At the end of our second year, we decided to drop out and continue our studies on our own. Clive's said his parents didn't really mind, and were happy to support him, provided he showed that he was working toward something that would get him a job. Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen wanted me to get my degree, but didn't put up much of a fight. I had plenty of money from my father's life insurance policy and the sale of my home, so there was no question about me being able to support myself.

Clive and I moved to a sleepy town in Vermont, five miles from the Canadian border, buying a nice four bedroom house near the center of town, a town that had very little other than a small market, a bar, an inn, and a gas station. I took one of the spare bedrooms and turned it into a workshop. Clive turned the other spare bedroom into a library and study. We both agreed we had found the perfect place to figure out what we wanted to do.

I had developed a strong interest in signal processing and communication devices while at MIT. Further, I had developed an interest in signals that could travel faster than light, something most thought impossible.

I set out to build a device that could send faster than light signals to any point in the universe. For some unknown reason, I had a strong desire to make contact with alien life. Of course, I know now what motivated me, but at the time, I just wanted to see if there was anybody out there.

Clive and I settled in to our new lives, each of us spending much of our time on our own projects. We didn't play The Show anymore, Clive telling me he already knew everything he needed to know.

Six months after we moved in, Canadian extremists killed Clive's father while he was visiting Atlanta.

Canadian extremism had been a fairly recent phenomenon, Canadian terrorists attacking targets across the globe, but mostly in the United States. Nobody really understood what had pissed off the Canadians, their transition from a peace loving, open society into a belligerent, brooding one happening sometime around the time Clive and I started at Baker.

The first documented act of terrorism committed by the Canadians was the simultaneous destruction of a number of sugar cane plantations in Florida. Those responsible were captured. They claimed the only true sweetener that should be used was maple syrup, an odd twist on terrorism.

After that there were several attacks on corn syrup manufacturers. Many were killed in these attacks, and the Canadians who were captured all repeated the same thing, that the only true sweetener that should be used was maple syrup.

After that, the Canadians started attacking other targets, now not limiting themselves to targets in the United States. Places where sugar cane was grown were hardest hit. Those places included Brazil, India, China, Mexico, Australia, Thailand, and Pakistan, all major sugar cane producers.

Despite the attacks, the sugar industry was able to stay afloat, having put security measures in place to protect crops. The Canadians adapted to this and started targeting places that sold products that contained sugar, like grocery stores, cake shops, candy stores, and so forth.

Officials in the Canadian government disavowed all knowledge of the attackers and their motives, and took no responsibility for them, and, for the most part, the world bought into the idea that some fringe part of Canadian society was behind this madness.

The attacks stopped six years after they began, after the thirty-seventh attack, an attack on a donut shop in Peoria, Illinois. Nobody knew why the Canadians had stopped, and everyone wondered if they were planning something big.

Two years later, terrorists attacked a wellness facility outside of San Francisco. Three more wellness facilities were attacked soon after. However, the culprits were not apprehended. However, pretty much everyone on Earth believed Canadians were responsible.

Clive's father had been visiting a wellness facility in downtown Atlanta when a man wielding an assault rifle stormed in and killed thirty-seven people. The gunman, later identified as a Canadian, then took his own life.

Following that, Clive developed an intense hatred for Canadians, and started a blog that chronicled the rise of Canadian extremism. He wrote countless diatribes and indictments. Eventually, the press heard about Clive's blog and invitations for appearances on a variety of television and radio shows started coming in. He refused all offers, hating the press almost as much as he hated Canadians.

Clive started drinking heavily, a regular patron at the local bar. I can't count the number of times someone had dragged him home after one of his benders. When he wasn't drinking, he spent his time writing computer viruses and deploying them on Canadian computers, viruses that would wreak havoc on the infected hosts, often wiping out all of their data.

Clive hadn't lost it completely, however. He still had a sense of humor. Sometimes, he would write viruses that did silly things and infect my computer with them. In response, I learned to write viruses and sent no small number of them his way.

Meanwhile, I had made great progress on the communication device that I truly believed would allow me to make contact, completing my work on July twenty-third, two thousand, sixteen, at three thirty-seven. I believed my device, a six-inch on a side black cube connected to my computer, would change absolutely everything for humanity.

I had prepared for this day, amassing a collection of digital media, a primer for any alien race that might get my messages. The package contained books, music, pictures, computer programs, jokes, and a variety of other digital media, along with a note from me.

I had spent countless hours thinking of names for this device, finally settling on Cavendish, named after Henry Cavendish, the first scientist to calculate a value for Big G, the gravitational constant. The reason this name made sense was that my device used gravity to send its signal. Of course, this might not make sense given that most believe that gravity propagates at the speed of light. That is both true and false. Gravity waves do propagate at the speed of light in vacuum and through normal matter, but they propagate through dark matter, the stuff that makes up much of the mass of the universe, immediately. Dark matter is all around us, within us. In fact, most of what exists in the universe is dark matter and dark energy. Of course, I could have named my device after the scientists who first theorized that dark matter and dark energy existed, but thought Cavendish more appropriate because Big G was a major constant in my device's ability to communicate immediately with everyone in the universe.

I sent the signal out in every direction possible, the only way, in fact, to send the signal out, and waited.

Thirty-seven seconds later, I received a response, quite surprised to find out it was in English. It read, "There you are, Kev. I'll be right over. Don't go anywhere." I traced the source of the signal to a star some two thousand light-years away. I responded with, "How will I know you when I see you?" I received a picture in response, a picture of an alien's head, pale blue and lipless with two bright orange eyes and what looked like a cigarette dangling from its mouth.

Moments later, I received another response, "Hey, you up for a little intercopulation? Reply if you want me to come over. Love, Ruby. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Following that, I received, "Need to fix a mistake? Want to see the birth of the universe? Want to travel in time?" The message contained plans for a small black cube that had a single blue button and what appeared to be a digital display. The device had two parts; a cube with a cylindrical hole and a cylindrical insert that I presumed went directly into the hole. I wrote back, "Where do you get the parts?" The response was, "I don't know, but if you find them, send me a message." I had vague memories of having a little black cube that resembled the one in these plans, a cube I had misplaced at some point.

My last response came in a few minutes later. "Would you mind turning down the signal a bit? You've already killed three million of us. Don't you think you've done enough damage?" I turned down the signal on the device and sent a reply. "Much better," was the response.

I ran out into the family room, finding Clive on the couch eating a bowl of sugary cereal, his favorite thing to eat. "Clive, you're never going to believe this. I've made contact with aliens."

"Yeah, well, let's hope they're not a bunch of maple humping Canadian pigs," said Clive. Clive's body exploded, sending little bits and pieces of flesh everywhere.

I stared at Clive's remains, in shock, unsure of what had just happened. Was this a dream? It would explain many things if it was. I tried to wake up, but couldn't. I didn't think this was a dream.

I grabbed the phone and dialed 911.

"Yeah, what do you want?" said a woman's voice.

"My friend just exploded," I cried.

"Is your friend still alive?"

"No, he exploded."

"So, he's dead then. With whom am I speaking?"

"Kev Pryce," I said.

"What kind of name is Kev?"

"What?"

"Never mind. I'll send someone over."

She hung up without asking for my address.

An hour later, a police cruiser and an ambulance arrived.

"Did he eat dynamite or something?" asked the first police officer on the scene. The two paramedics were staring at the walls and the floor, the furniture and windows, flesh covering everything.

"I don't know what happened," I said.

"Did you kill him?" said the police officer.

"Absolutely not."

Several hours later, I found myself alone in the house. It had taken over a dozen techs to gather Clive's remains. The house reeked and although they had managed to find most of Clive's bits and pieces, everything was covered in blood, including me.

Someone knocked on the door. I figured it was the police, coming to question me further, probably not satisfied with asking me at least a hundred times if I had killed Clive, and interested in asking me that question at least a hundred more times.

I opened the door and saw a five-foot tall, pale blue alien with a lipless mouth and bright orange eyes, a cigarette dangling from its mouth, and a small, metal briefcase in one hand.

"Well, are you going to let me in or what?" said the alien.

"Uh, yeah," I said, moving out of the way.

The alien entered my house and looked around. "Nice place. Did you decorate it yourself?"

I didn't answer. The alien sat on the bloodstained couch, placed its briefcase on the coffee table, and opened it. Inside I saw a single blue cube, which it took out and placed on the table.

"What is that?" I said.

"An object."

"What does it do?"

"Things. Look, I don't have a lot of time. I have a date tonight," said the alien, getting up.

I stared at it and it stared right back at me. "What are you?" I said.

"I'm a Canadian," said the alien. "Not a North American Canadian, a real Canadian. Now, if you don't mind, I have needs, and those needs aren't going to be met if I stay here answering stupid questions." With that, the alien departed.

I looked at the cube, remembering something about a blue cube, something important, but unable to fully recall it.

I still had bits of flesh all over me, so I took a shower and got into some new clothes. After that, I went to the bar, thinking more than a few drinks were in order, thinking this might be a dream, a horrible, detailed dream.

The next morning, the coroner called and told me that Clive's cause of death was definitely possibly unknown and hung up.

Clive's mother had died when she heard the news, or so I had heard from a mysterious caller who sounded like Clive, right after the coroner called. I wondered who had told Clive's mother about his death, knowing full well that I did not ever have in my possession her contact information. I remember thinking it rather odd that I had never met either of Clive's parents, but then lost that train of thought and in the process forgot a number of things, which I would not until much later remember I forgot. That was pretty typical for me, of course, so I thought nothing of it, primarily because I didn't remember that there was anything to think much of. I think you understand.

Clive had no other family, so I invited some of our friends from college up for a small ceremony. After the ceremony, we all went to the bar, where, at first, I forgot that I had been the one to invite them to Vermont, and then completely forgot who they were.

I spent most of the time with them trying to remember names and faces, although I did manage to stay in the conversation in some odd way. They all knew I had serious memory problems, and had some laughs at my expense, but it was all in good fun. Most of the time, they talked about the crazy things Clive had done in college. Clive liked playing pranks on people and had pranked most of the guys that had come up for the ceremony.

At one point, Bill Peterson, one of the guys Clive had tormented most during our time at MIT, a good natured guy who never took offense to some of the more ridiculous things Clive did to him, things I had long forgotten, took me aside and said, "So, Kev, does any of this seem like déjà vu to you?"

"What do you mean?" I said.

"I don't know. Don't you feel like this might have happened before?"

"What might have happened before?" I said.

"You know, Clive exploding and all that," said Bill.

"Clive exploded?" I cried. I had completely forgotten.

"Never mind, Kev. Forget I said anything."

"Wait a second. Did you say Clive exploded?"

"Nah, I didn't say that. No worries. I'm sure Clive is just fine, wherever he is."

"Do you know where he is?" I said, remembering Clive, but totally unaware of where he might be. Hadn't he been the one to invite the guys up for a visit? Where was he?

In that moment, I remembered the horror of witnessing Clive's death. Bill and the others did their best to comfort me, each of them saying things like, "Don't worry, Kev. Clive is fine," and "Maybe Clive will come back from the dead, Kev. You never know." None of this really sunk in, of course.

After they departed I returned home, and for the first time in days, checked for messages on my communications device. I had more than I could count, but one stood out.

"Sorry about Clive," it read. "Hope you are okay."

I responded, "Who are you?" No response.

Three days later, two hundred thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine people across the globe exploded.

Five days after that, scientists in Norway found microscopic rectangles in the remains of one of the victims. Imprinted on the rectangles were the words, "Made in Canada, you infidel pigs!"

Not long after, the same scientists found trace amounts of radioactive particles in the remains of that same victim. Then the word "pnuke" emerged in the media.

A pnuke is a personnel nuke. Millions of these devices had been deployed into the bodies of the victims and detonated. The scientists believed they had been constructed by nano-bots, although they had not been able to find any nano-bots in the remains.

The world turned its eyes toward Canada. Canada's response was simply, "It could have been worse, you hosers."

The world responded swiftly, condemning the Canadians. Sanctions were put in place, and US troops started massing on the US, Canadian border.

I wasn't so sure the Canadians had done this, although I had to admit, they probably didn't love Clive. After all, he had written terrible things about them and had wreaked havoc on their computers and networks. What if they knew about the viruses? That could have been cause to go after him.

Still, something didn't add up. Why would the Canadians leave those little rectangles behind? Why would they announce their involvement?

Clive's death really pissed me off, and I had little faith in the people investigating the matter, people I believed were more interested in the technology behind the pnukes than in capturing those who were responsible for this atrocity, so I took things into my own hands. I wrote a virus that when deployed would search through files on host computers and send back files that contained certain keywords. Using a wide variety of illegal methods, I deployed the virus and waited for information to come in.

At first, I received too much information, so I modified the virus and redeployed it. The new information proved much better and I soon found an email originating from Barrow, Alaska, to some guy named Doug in Toronto. It read, "Doug, Great first test of the nano-technology. Pnukes (I love that word) appear to be effective. I just want to say, I heard Bob say we should kill everyone, and I have to say, that was not the deal. Three million must remain for the plan to work. I don't want to have to pull the plug on this operation, but I will if Bob doesn't get his head on straight. Aputi."

I looked up the name Aputi, an Inuit name. I then identified the location of the computer from which the email originated. I believed this Aputi character was the one I was after. Not long after, I saw a response from Doug, "Aputi, don't worry about Bob. He's a hoser. Three million will be spared, as agreed, but Bob and I don't want to be in that list. Doug."

Aputi wrote back, "Yeah, I know. I don't care if you guys kill yourselves. Just save three million."

I considered going to the authorities, but thought that would land me in a heap of trouble, given my highly illegal activities. However, if I could get more evidence, maybe the authorities would forgive me for my transgressions.

I deployed new viruses to Aputi and Doug's computers and waited. After a few hours, I had the entire contents of their hard drives. I found the plans for the nano-bots and the pnukes. I also found the list of the three million people who would be spared. My name was not on that list. Then, I found something that startled me, a file with my name, Kev_Pryce.txt. I opened the file and read it. "Kev, we should talk. Come to Barrow, Alaska. Meet me at Singularity Bar. Aputi."

I traveled to Barrow, and, as instructed, went to Singularity Bar, a strange dive with an otherworldly vibe. When I arrived I was the only one in the bar, so I sat on a stool and waited. A woman (she might have been an alien) came out from the back and said, "What are you having?"

"I don't know. A beer, I guess."

"You look like you need a green tea," she (it) said.

"No, thanks, a beer is fine."

"Suit yourself."

Green tea stirred a memory, but one I couldn't recover.

"Do you know Aputi?" I said, as the bartender placed a pint of beer on the bar in front of me.

"Yeah, he's sitting right behind you."

I turned around and saw an old, wrinkled man wearing a parka, shorts, and flip-flops, sitting at a small table. He looked up at me and motioned for me to sit with him.

I sat down across from him and said, "Why are you going to kill everyone on this planet?"

"Settle down, Kev. Actually, can I call you Kevin? Kev is such a stupid name. Were your parents mentally challenged?"

"My name is Kev," I said, more than a little annoyed.

"Whatever. Look, before you assume the worst, hear me out."

"I'm listening."

"The universe is going to end if I don't save it."

"Really?" I said skeptically, although part of me accepted this.

"Really. The only way to save it is to get rid of most of humanity, then get rid of all of the things humanity has created and re-engineer the minds of the ones who remain. Those re-engineered humans will save the universe."

"You know that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. What does killing billions of people and wiping out all traces of civilization have to do with saving the universe?"

"It has everything to do with saving the universe, lad."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you," I said.

"Well, you don't have much choice. There is nothing you can do to stop me. Further, if you don't help me, you won't be on the list of people to be saved and re-engineered."

"I could go to the authorities right now. I have enough evidence to bury you."

"Kev, all of the nano-bots are already deployed. All I have to do is press the button on this cube five times and everyone other than those three million who will be re-engineered will die, including you," said Aputi, showing me a little brown cube with a yellow button.

"I don't believe you," I said.

"Tell you what, Kev. I can tap the button twice and another three hundred thousand will die, if you need me to prove my point. Maybe you will be one of those three hundred thousand. Who knows? I don't keep track of these things."

"Well, it sounds like you don't need me if you can already kill off most of humanity."

"But, I do need you. You see, Kev, I need something, something that will allow me to re-engineer your minds. It's a little yellow cube. Only you can find it."

"And if I don't?"

"I'll still kill pretty much everyone."

"Yeah, but you won't save the universe," I said, wondering if that would make any difference to this deranged man.

Aputi paused before saying, "You are wrong. I can find it without you, but it will take much longer than it would take for you to find it. Of course, the universe will expire in about three years, so hopefully I can find it before then."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Do you want to live?"

"Isn't there another way?" I said.

"Well, you could prevent the destruction of the universe, but you clearly don't know how to do that or you would have done it already."

"What do you mean?" I said.

"Kev, you have some serious memory problems, and those memory problems could get us all killed. I have found a way around your memory problems and I can save the universe, but you have to help me."

"So, I have to help you kill billions of people?"

"It is for the greater good, Kev. You're a utilitarian kind of guy, aren't you?"

"What do you need me to do?"

"You need to bring me the yellow cube."

"Where is it?"

"I don't know."

"Well, how am I supposed to find it?"

"You have to find the girl."

"What girl?"

"How should I know? All I know is that you can find her."

"You're not human, are you?" I said.

"Absolutely not. I am a Bladrithian, a shape changer."

"Oh yeah, well why don't you change into a hot blonde?"

"Look, turd fondler, are you going to help me or are you going to die?" Aputi briefly changed into a gorgeous blonde, wearing a red cocktail dress and a string of pearls.

I agreed to help Aputi, but only to buy time while I tried to save humanity and possibly the universe, if his claim was true. He agreed to hold off on killing more people before I found the cube.

By the time I got back home, I had forgotten everything that had anything to do with Aputi or the pnukes. I remembered Clive's death, however, and I remembered my communications device. Further, I remembered the plans for the black cube. I knew I needed it for something, but didn't know what. Of course, had I remembered Aputi, I would have known that I needed the black cube to go back in time and stop him.

Looking around my family room, I realized I needed to clean things up. I needed someone to come in and get rid of everything, clean the walls, replace the carpet and do something about the horrible stench.

I made some calls and got everything lined up, and then checked my messages on the communication device. There were thousands of messages, far too many to read. I did my best to scan through them.

One read, "Loved Cat's Cradle. Can you send more books by Vonnegut?" I dug up a couple of Vonnegut's books and sent them over.

Another read, "Are you sure you're not lonely? Don't you think a little intercopulation would cheer you up? Ruby." I ignored that, not knowing what intercopulation was, and not really liking the sound of it.

A third read, "I hear you're looking for me. Maybe we should hook up. the girl." I stopped there. I wasn't looking for anyone, or was I? Had I forgotten something important? I isolated the source of that message to a star some thirty-seven billion light-years away. I was pretty certain I didn't know anyone who lived thirty-seven billion light-years away, but suspected I might. I wrote back, "Who are you and why am I looking for you?" She wrote, "Don't answer the door." I heard a knock on the door, but ignored it. "Are you messing with me?" I wrote. "Maybe, but I was serious about not answering the door." "Who are you?" I wrote. "I'm the girl, dummy." Again, I felt memories stirring, but couldn't attach to any of them. "Where are you?" I wrote. "I'm on Uthio Minor. Does that ring any bells?" It did, but I didn't know why. "Go have a green tea," she wrote. "Do you have a little, yellow cube?" was my response, wondering why I asked that. "Indeed I do. Now, go to the bar and have a green tea. If I can break free I'll meet you there." "Are you really thirty-seven billion light-years away?" "Yes. Now go."

My mind reeling, and forgetting the girl had instructed me to go to the bar, I went to the fridge to see if I had any green tea. Finding none, I went to the market. They were out. I didn't feel like driving ten miles to the supermarket right then, so I went to the bar to have a beer, having completely forgotten being instructed to have a green tea.

"Hey, Kev," said Max, the bartender, an enormous, barrel-chested man with a gray beard and mustache.

"Hey, Max."

"What are you having?"

"I don't know. A beer, I guess."

"You look like you could use a green tea," said Max. "What's on your mind?"

I didn't know what was on my mind other than some girl and a little, yellow cube. "I'm not sure."

"Tell you what. I'll fix you a green tea. Maybe that will help you."

I looked around the bar, seeing the usual crowd of regulars, most of whom I barely remembered. One of them--I was pretty sure his name was Barry--walked up to me and said, "Did you hear the news?"

"What news?" I said.

"The Canadians killed another three hundred thousand people," said Barry.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"You've forgotten, haven't you, Kev? Do you remember me?"

"Yeah, you're Barry, right?"

"Do you remember when the Canadians killed Clive?"

"The Canadians killed Clive?" I said, not remembering the Canadians' involvement in Clive's death.

"Oh, brother. Look, the Canadians killed Clive and then days later they killed another two hundred thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine people. Now, they've killed another three hundred thousand. We're about to go to war."

I hadn't been paying any attention to the news, so this was all new to me. "Why did they do that?" I said.

"Who knows? There all a bunch of nihilists, every last one of them."

"Here's your tea, Kev," said Max. "Drink up. Maybe you'll get your memories back."

"You travel in time too much, Kev," said Barry.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"You know, you really shouldn't do that, Kev. You'll get time lag," said Barry.

"What?" I said, forgetting pretty much everything that had just happened, including the part about the Canadians pnuking another three hundred thousand people."

"Nothing, Kev. You'll figure it out. Anyway, it's against the rules to tell you."

"What rules?" I said.

"I've already said too much," said Barry, walking away.

I took a sip of the green tea and heard children laughing and playing. I looked around the bar, seeing no signs of children. Max noticed this and said, "Don't worry, Kev. It always starts off that way."

"What starts off?" I said.

Max laughed.

"Welcome to The You Have Some Work to Do Experience, Kev," said a woman's voice.

"Hello?" I said, realizing the voice was inside my head.

"Now, pay attention, Kev. We have some things to go over," she said.

I listened carefully as the woman explained at least part of the current situation. Of course, she didn't clue me in on most things, but gave me enough information to know that there was a mad Bladrithian named Aputi trying to wipe out humankind. She also told me I needed to find the girl, but not so I could get the yellow cube. Instead, I had to make sure Aputi never got the yellow cube, regardless of whether or not the universe would end.

The woman finished and I found myself sitting next to Clive on the couch in our family room. He had a bowl of cereal in his hand and was laughing.

"We'll see if he figures it out," laughed Clive. "I wonder where he left the black cube? I bet he lost it years ago. Probably has totally forgotten about it." Clive chuckled.

"What are you talking about?" I said, looking at him.

Clive ignored me and continued, "And what happened to the red cube and the clear cube? Too funny. Ah, well, it is clearly a patience game now."

Clive exploded, and then I found myself sitting back at the bar, my head spinning. I looked at my glass and then at Max, wondering if there was some sort of hallucinogen in my drink. Max looked at me and winked.

I remembered the girl, and vaguely remembered she had said she might come to see me at the bar. I looked around, but only saw a bunch of guys hanging around. Maybe she said she would meet me at my house.

"Hey, Max," I called out. "What do I owe you?"

"Nada," said Max. "Sponsored drink."

"Oh, okay," I said, not really processing what Max had said. I dropped a five on the bar and returned to my house. I waited for the girl to show up, but she never did.

The next day, two guys from a neighboring town came over to take away all of the furniture from the family room. I let them in and they started hauling the stuff out.

The whole house reeked, given that I had not yet made any attempt to clean up the blood and remaining human matter on the walls, windows, ceiling and floor. I made a note to myself to have someone come in and clean the place up, having forgotten that I had already done just that and that the cleaners would be there later that day to clean up the mess.

I noticed the blue cube, which I had forgotten, sitting on the coffee table and picked it up, wondering what it was, not remembering the pale blue alien that had delivered it.

"Why hello, Kev," said a voice inside my head. "We didn't think you'd come on The Show. Thought we were going to have to pay you a visit and convince you to be a contestant."

"Uh, who is this?" I said.

"You talking to me?" said one of the guys who was now taking out a chair.

"Um, no," I said.

"I'm your host, B24ME," said the voice. "You remember me, don't you?"

"No."

"You don't need to talk out loud, Kev. People will think you are crazy."

"Am I crazy?" I thought.

"That remains to be seen. So, are you ready for your next challenge?"

"Next challenge?" This reminded me of something from my past, a game I used to play with Clive.

"Oh, come on Kev," laughed B24ME. "How could you forget The Show? How could you forget me?"

I wondered if I was dreaming. "I don't know. What is The Show?"

"You should know, Kev. By the way, do you mind if we give you another name for the duration of The Show?"

"Like what?"

"Turd Fondler has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"No, it does not. Just call me Kev."

"But, that is a stupid name, Turd Fondler."

"Just call me Kev," I said.

"Too late, I'm afraid. I've already changed my data banks, Turd Fondler."

"What the hell is this?"

"The Show. Now, are you ready for your next challenge?"

I decided that I was dreaming and that the only way to get through the dream would be to play along. "Sure. What's the challenge?"

"You have to save the Nexonians from their evil dictator. Are you ready?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Are you ready?"

"Who the hell are the Nexonians?"

"They're on Neta Nexus Nine, about a million light-years from you."

"How do I get there?"

"Well, you could just go there in your usual way, or you could ask the blue cube to take you there."

One of the guys tapped me on the shoulder and said, "You okay, buddy? You're just staring off into space."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, but I was anything but fine.

"We're done," said the guy.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out a check and handed it to him.

"You sure you're okay?" he said.

"Yeah," I said. "I just forgot something."

"By the way," said the guy. "What happened in here?"

"My friend exploded," I said, remembering what Barry had told me.

"Oh. He was one of them. I'm sorry for your loss, pal."

"Thanks."

The guy left and B24ME said, "Turd Fondler?"

"What?" I cried out, annoyed and feeling set upon.

"Folks, I can tell our friend, Turd Fondler, needs a little push," said B24ME.

I heard the sounds of what I assumed were people or maybe aliens, part of some studio audience, some cheering, and some booing.

The Show

I appeared in a bustling city, surrounded by aliens of all shapes and sizes, all of them moving with purpose, never stopping. When their paths crossed, which they often did, they simply passed through each other. I heard voices, more than I could possibly count, all saying the same thing, "Time for work, not for play," over and over again.

All of the buildings in the city rose to amazing heights, all drab green, windowless and doorless. I watched as aliens passed through their walls, coming and going, never pausing, all continuing the chant.

There were signs everywhere, "Work Now!" "Time for Work." "Don't get recycled." That sounded ominous.

"Did you overthrow the dictator yet, Turd Fondler?" said B24ME.

"I just got here."

"That's no excuse. Get to work."

"Where is the dictator?" I said.

B24ME didn't answer.

Someone or something tapped me on the shoulder. I turned and saw a seven-foot tall, orange, four-armed alien with a triangular head, three eyes and two mouths. "Get to work or you'll be recycled," it said, before rejoining the others on their march to who knew where.

Hands seized me from behind and I blinked out of and then into existence, finding myself in a small room. Sitting behind a battered desk I saw an alien, a gray worm-like creature with a single eye, a beak and tentacles.

"Why aren't you working?" it said.

"Um, I don't live here. I don't work here," I said.

"If you don't live here, why are you here?" it said, its one eye glaring at me.

"Well, I'm on this show and I have to, hmm..."

"You have to what?"

Something told me I didn't want to answer the question truthfully, but I had no other answer to give, so I blurted out, "I'm here to overthrow the dictator."

It blinked. "So, you're my replacement. What are you? Class five? You look like a class three. Whatever. I was getting sick of the job anyway."

"What?"

"Should I waste my time finding you a new office, or will this one suit you?"

I looked around the office again and for the first time noticed that the surface of the alien's desk appeared to be covered with fur, purple and orange, fluffy and soft, that that of a Persian cat. I noticed that there were no doors or windows and saw a moving picture of someone being chopped to pieces by some multi-bladed monstrosity. Maybe that was somebody being recycled.

"I guess this office is fine," I said.

"Wonderful. Good luck keeping this bunch in line. Not a single dedicated worker in the bunch." The alien disappeared.

I reached out and touched the desk, wondering who would have a fur-topped desk. The desk bit me and said, "Watch it, you pervert."

"Uh, B24ME, I overthrew the dictator," I said.

B24ME didn't answer. I repeated myself a few times, and then sighed. All I really wanted to do was go home. Then, I remembered something B24ME had said about the blue cube. If I asked it to take me somewhere, it would take me there, or at least I hoped it would.

I pulled out the cube and said, "Cube, please take me home," and appeared in my family room, more than a little confused. I immediately went down the street to the bar, ordered a shot of whiskey and a beer chaser, and sat down to regroup, placing the blue cube on the bar.

Max noticed the cube and said, "So, you're on The Show. Good luck with that, Kev." This was definitely a dream.

"Anyone sitting here?"

I turned and saw a young woman, beautiful beyond my wildest imaginings. She had a smile on her face and green eyes, electric and ancient.

"No," I said. She sat beside me and ordered a green tea.

"Wow, it's been a long time," said Max to the girl. "You here to help Kev with his memory problems?"

"Something like that," she said.

"Wait, you know me?" I looked at her face and into her eyes, no memory of her present in my mind.

"Of course, I know you, dummy," she said.

The word dummy struck a chord with me. I had been called that many times before. "Do I know you?"

"I would think so," she said, holding up her hand. On one of her fingers I saw a silver ring with an amethyst. I had seen that ring before. I had given it to her, but when? Why couldn't I remember?

"What's your name?" I said.

"I don't think I know you well enough to tell you that, Kev."

Then I remembered her, feeling tears streaming down my face. How could I have ever forgotten her?

She reached out, wiped the tears from my cheeks, and then kissed me. "Do you remember that?"

"I remember now. Where have you been? I've missed you. Well, actually, I forgot about you, but I think I did miss you at some point. I think you understand, right?"

"Of course, I understand. You have time lag, Kev. You've been traveling around in time so much, you've lost most of your memories."

"I haven't been traveling in time. I mean, I just got back from Neta Nexus Nine, but I don't think I traveled in time."

She looked at the blue cube, and her face changed. "You're on The Show," she said.

"Yeah, I just had to overthrow the dictator on Neta Nexus Nine. I'm dreaming, right?"

"Unfortunately not."

"Unfortunately?"

"I really hoped you wouldn't get stuck on The Show again," she said.

"What do you mean? This was my first challenge."

"No, Kev. This was probably your trillionth, trillionth challenge. You're going to have to find a way to get off The Show or B24ME is going to kill you."

"Kill me?" I cried. "How do I get off The Show?"

"I don't know, but you've done it before, many times, in fact. But, you have never told me how you did it."

"I don't understand."

"I know, and I wish I could help you, but the rules are very strict."

"What rules? The rules for The Show?"

"No. I'm sorry, I can't help you."

I downed my whiskey, took a gulp of beer and said, "What can you tell me?"

"I can tell you I love you. Also, I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant? Whose child is it?"

"Yours, you moron."

I didn't remember ever having sex with the girl. I could barely remember the last time I had seen her. "That's not possible," I said.

"You need to stop traveling in time, Kev, or at least figure out how to do it without using the black cube."

I remembered the black time travel cube. "But, I don't have the black cube. I have the plans for it, but I don't have it."

"I know. You lost it. That's why you're stuck in the past right now," she said.

"The past? You have to explain that."

"Look, Kev, the present year is three thousand, three hundred, thirty-seven. You keep coming back to two thousand, sixteen. I'm not sure why, but you keep doing it. I know you are looking for something, but I don't know what. I can't tell you any more than that."

I tried to think things through. If I had been traveling in time with the black cube, the black cube I did not at that time have in my possession, then when did I last travel back in time? From what point in time did I travel back in time? Where did I leave the black cube? I wondered if it was tucked away somewhere in my house. Then it struck me. If the present year was three thousand, three hundred, thirty-seven, then I must be over a thousand years old. How was that possible?

Many times over the years, I had felt like I was in a dream, and again I had this feeling. However, part of me completely rejected the idea that I was in a dream. While I couldn't recall anything in detail, I had vague memories that made at least some of what the girl had said plausible. I said, "So, if it's really three thousand, three hundred, thirty-seven, that means I am over a thousand years old. How is that possible?"

She sighed and placed her hand on my arm. "You're much older than that, Kev. You need to remember. You need to remember everything."

B24ME cut in with, "So, Turd Fondler, I see you overthrew the dictator. I have to say, we gave you an easy challenge, but thought that might be the best way to bring you back into the game."

"Shut up," I said, not wanting anything to do with B24ME or The Show. The girl disappeared.

"That's not very nice," said B24ME. "We have a new challenge lined up for you. Are you ready?"

"No. I don't want to be on this show anymore."

"Now, you know what happens if you quit, don't you?"

"What? I don't win a prize?"

"No, you die."

"Bullshit. I'm not playing," I said.

I appeared in a monstrous, bowl shaped arena, at least a mile in diameter. All around me I saw trenches with greenish pools of fluid and littered across the arena I saw large, gray and black boulders, easily twice my height. I had a gun in my hand, something that looked like a shotgun, but bulbous and orange.

"Welcome to the re-enactment of the Battle of Bwar Nit," said B24ME joyfully.

"I told you I'm not playing," I said, dropping the weapon.

"Come on. This will be great for ratings. Look, if you win this challenge, I'll give you a break for a while," said B24ME.

"How long a break?"

"I don't know. I really hope you'll play. Killing you will be bad for ratings, and anyway, this is an easy challenge."

"What do I have to do?" I said.

"Well, you have to win the battle."

"Who am I fighting?" I said. I heard shouts and screams in the background. Was that fighting I heard?

"Everyone," said B24ME.

I definitely heard the sound of fighting now, and wondered if I was safe.

"Am I playing right now?" I said.

B24ME didn't answer.

I heard a whining sound as something flew within inches of my head. I jumped into a nearby trench and ducked down, my feet in a puddle of greenish liquid, liquid that started dissolving my shoes. I jumped out of the puddle, but too late, now feeling my feet burning, so I dropped down and took off my shoes, desperately trying to wipe the liquid off my feet, a stupid thing to do, the acid now burning both my hands and feet. I could see the flesh on my hands and feet burning away and screamed, only to find seconds later that I had healed, my hands and feet no longer covered by that foul stuff.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. To my right I saw a yellow, four-legged alien, a centaur-like creature with three eyes and two arms that were more like tentacles than anything else, pointing a gun at me. It pulled the trigger, the gun exploding in its hands, disintegrating its body. Not good, I thought, thinking about my discarded weapon, not wanting to pick it up for fear that it might explode in my hands if I fired it.

Another alien appeared in the same place, gun aimed at me. It fired, and it too exploded. What was going on with these guns? I noticed that the pools of green liquid were becoming larger, encroaching on my space. Not wanting to get burnt again, I climbed out of the trench and made my way toward the outer wall of the arena, hoping I wouldn't encounter more armed aliens. At one point I got too close to one of the boulders and received an alarming shock. I made a note to myself to stay away from the boulders and out of the trenches, but realized that I would have no cover if I did that.

Three more aliens confronted me, one of which managed to shoot its weapon without exploding. The shot missed, and the second shot killed the alien when its gun exploded in its hands. Not long after, I made it to the outer wall of the arena and stopped to catch my breath. I didn't see anyone around me and prayed I might get through this without further injury.

The sounds of fighting gradually died down and finally stopped. I looked around, wondering if the battle had ended, and if, by some stroke of luck, I had won.

"B24ME, did I win?" I said.

"Not yet," said B24ME.

"How many are left?"

"Now, why would I tell you that?"

"Oh, come on. Just tell me."

"Fine. There is one other."

"Where?"

"You don't want to know."

I turned around and saw a female looking humanoid with silver skin and white eyes pointing a gun at me.

"Look what I have here," she said. "Where's your gun?"

"You fire that thing and you'll die," I said, hoping that was true.

"Maybe, maybe not. It hasn't exploded yet. So, should I kill you now or have a little fun?"

"Define fun," I said, looking for somewhere to run.

"Oh, maybe I could just shoot your legs off. Not a fun way to go, but it would be entertaining for me."

Her name was Via Blath and she was the reigning champion of the re-enactment of the Battle of Bwar Nit. I didn't know that at the time, but B24ME later told me. He also told me that the participants in the battle were all inmates at the Geta Celsion Penitentiary, a prison for tax evaders.

"What's your name?" she said.

"Kev."

"What kind of name is that?"

"My kind of name."

"Stupid name, really. Were your parents mentally challenged?"

I was sick of this challenge, sick of being on The Show, and even more sick of having people make fun on my name, something I did clearly remember. I lunged forward and tackled Via, knocking the gun out of her hand. She immediately threw me off, sending me hurling against one of the boulders, a boulder that gave me the shock of my life. I scrambled to get up and run away, but she was on her feet, weapon in hand, before I could make my escape.

"You're pretty tough for a tax evader."

"What? I'm not a tax evader."

"Well, then what are you?"

I didn't know what to say, so I said, "I don't know. I'm on this show and I have to win this battle."

"Oh, you're on The Show. Do you know what happens if I kill you?"

"No, what?"

"I get to be on The Show."

"Well, I hope you enjoy it. It will be your death," I said.

She pulled the trigger and the gun exploded, killing her instantly.

"Good work, Turd Fondler," said B24ME. "Are you ready for your next challenge?"

"You said I could take a break. I want to go home."

"Fine, go home. I'll give you a couple of hours," said B24ME.

I pulled out the blue cube. "Cube, take me home."

When I arrived home, I noticed someone had redecorated my family room. All of the blood and filth had been wiped away, the carpet replaced, and new furniture put in place. A beautiful painting of the girl hung on the wall. On my new coffee table I found a note that read, "Big improvement, right? XOXO." It had to have been the girl. Of course it was the girl.

I sat on the couch and turned on the TV, thinking this would be a perfect time to do absolutely nothing.

"Why aren't you looking for the girl?" said a voice. I turned and saw an old man wearing a parka, shorts and flip-flops. "Where have you been?"

"Um, who are you?" I said.

"You've forgotten, haven't you?"

"Forgotten what?"

"The end of the universe. You have to find the girl and get me the yellow cube."

"I haven't the faintest idea what you are talking about."

"Kev, have you been time traveling again? We've been over this about fifty times now, you time-lagged moron."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Aputi, you dolt!"

"Oh. Sorry, don't remember you, but I tend to forget things. So, what is all this about the end of the universe?"

"If you don't get me the yellow cube, the universe will end. You have to find the girl."

"What girl?"

"The girl with the yellow cube."

"Oh. What's her name?"

"Now, if I knew that I would find her myself. Only you can find her."

"Well, how am I supposed to find her if I don't know who she is?" I cried, annoyed as could be. But then, I remembered. The girl, my girl, had the yellow cube, and under no circumstances whatsoever was I to give Aputi the yellow cube. However, my memories of Aputi were vague at best. What exactly would he do if he had the yellow cube? It had to be something bad.

"Look, just find the girl and get me the cube."

"And if I say no?" I said.

"Then you die."

That didn't sit well with me at all. "What? You're going to kill me?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to the police," I said.

"It won't do a bit of good. Anyway, if you don't cooperate, I won't honor our deal."

"What deal?"

"I agreed not to kill any more people until you get me the cube."

Aputi disappeared.

I vaguely remembered Barry telling me that something like six hundred thousand people had exploded recently, and wondered if this had something to do with Aputi. If it did, then hadn't he already broken whatever agreement we had?

Flustered and a little frightened, I went back into my workroom to check my messages on the communication device, hoping that would help me take my mind off things.

Scanning my messages, I found one from the girl, "Meet me at the Lost Hope Hotel on Riddent."

I pulled out the blue cube, wondering if it could take me to this place, said, "Cube, take me to the Lost Hope Hotel on Riddent," and appeared on a balcony overlooking a mile high drop into a vast sea. To my right I saw two aliens, both purple and four-legged, with yellow eyes, arms with pincers, and mandibles protruding from their egg-shaped heads.

"Well, we're never going to make our numbers for the quarter, Blurp," said one.

"I know. What is the point in living if we can't make our numbers?" said the other.

The two aliens jumped off the balcony. "What the hell?" I shouted, as I watched them disappear in the distance.

"It happens," said the girl, now standing beside me.

"They just killed themselves."

"This is a popular spot for suicides. Weddings too. You and I were married here," said the girl.

"We were?"

"Yeah, beautiful ceremony. All our friends were here. Of course, three of them killed themselves, but let's not dwell on that."

"Aputi was at my house. By the way, thanks for redecorating."

"Anything for you."

"Anything? Then, maybe you can tell me what the hell is going on."

The girl laughed and kissed me. "Rules are rules. So, do you want to make love?"

"Right here?"

"No, dummy. In our suite."

"Oh, right. Okay."

Some time later, lying in bed, my arm wrapped around her, I said, "Have I mentioned Aputi before?"

"He wants the yellow cube."

"Yeah. He says he is going to kill everyone on Earth if I don't get the yellow cube for him. I think so, anyway. You have it, right? He says he is going to kill me too if I don't get it for him."

"I doubt he'll kill you, but I'm sure he'll kill everyone else."

"Really? How do I stop him?"

"Well, he is a Bladrithian, so he is hard to kill, but if you went back in time far enough and found him, you might be able to kill him."

"Kill? I don't want to kill anyone. There has to be some other way to stop him."

"You could ask him nicely."

"Not helpful. You know, Barry at the bar said something about Canadians killing thousands of people in the same way Clive was killed. I think Aputi had something to do with that."

"Duh, Kev. Aputi is the mastermind. He's already killed six hundred thousand people. I'd be willing to bet he is killing the rest as we speak."

I stared at the ceiling, trying to wrap my mind around things, but found my thoughts too jumbled to organize. I felt hopeless and small. I turned to say something to the girl, but she had disappeared. I wanted to scream.

"Well, hello, Turd Fondler," said B24ME. "Was the break long enough for you?"

Ignoring B24ME, I got up and put on my clothes, then left the room and went down to the hotel lobby. I found the hotel bar and went inside, had a seat and ordered a green tea for reasons unknown, having no memories of the odd characteristics of green tea.

"We have an excellent challenge lined up for you," said B24ME.

I didn't respond.

"Do you want to know what it is?"

"No."

"Oh, okay, a surprise then."

I appeared in a large, hot, desert dry warehouse. In front of me, I saw a table, and on the table an array of weapons, including a machine gun, a throwing star, a sword, and something that looked vaguely like a squirt gun. A red dragon appeared on the other side of the warehouse. It had to be at least fifty feet long. It wasn't moving.

"So, Turd Fondler, the name of this game is, 'Is it real or is it not?'"

"Wonderful. How do I win?"

"All you have to do is get one answer right and you move on to the next challenge. Are you ready?"

I eyed the dragon, reasonably certain I would have to determine if it was real or not. What would happen if I made a wrong answer? "What if I'm wrong?" I said.

"We'll surprise you. So, in front of you is an Urethan Wyrm. Over fifty feet long, this fire-breathing monstrosity has been responsible for countless deaths on countless worlds. Tell me, is it real?"

I paused. The dragon looked like something out of a storybook, although its wings seemed far too small for its body. "Can it fly?"

"Indeed it can," said B24ME.

"Using what? Magic? Those wings aren't big enough."

"Is it real or not?"

I figured B24ME had a way of reading my memories, and had pulled this thing from there, so I said, "Not real."

"Wrong answer, I'm afraid."

The dragon started moving, turning its head to look at me. It took a step forward then started flapping its wings, bringing itself into the air, a long gush of flame erupting from its mouth. With alarming speed the dragon bore down on me, shooting more flames from its mouth. I grabbed the machine gun off the table and fired wildly at the beast, but to no effect. The dragon roared, now much closer to me, and inhaled deeply.

I remembered the blue cube, pulled it out and said, "Cube, take me home." Nothing happened and the dragon breathed out, engulfing my body in flames. I screamed, my clothes and flesh burning off, and fell to the ground. Moments later, I healed. I got up, now naked, and looked at the dragon.

"I've never seen that happen before," said the dragon. It breathed in again.

I looked at the remaining weapons, now focused on the squirt gun. Water. Fire. I grabbed the gun and fired just as another burst of flame erupted from the dragon. The second the water touched the dragon, it disintegrated.

In front of me, a floating yellow sphere about the size of a volleyball appeared.

"This is the Proth Sphere," said B24ME. "If you connect to it, it will make all of your dreams and nightmares come true. Is it real or is it not?"

"So, wait. If I guess it isn't real and it is real will all my dreams and nightmares come true? What will happen if I get the answer right?"

"Is it real, Turd Fondler?"

"Stop calling me that!"

"No."

I took an inventory of all of the dreams and nightmares I could remember, remembering few dreams, but many nightmares. The worst nightmare was one in which a giant nozzle sucked up the entire universe. How on Earth could this sphere make that nightmare come true? What if it could? I figured it was safest to say it was real so I would have some chance of escaping from experiencing all of my horrible nightmares, thinking if it weren't real it would not be able to make that happen. "It's real," I said.

"Sorry, Turd Fondler, it is not real. Do you really think there is something that can end the universe based on your nightmares?"

"Well, I don't know. Maybe. So, what happens now?"

"I just got word from our producer. We are going to simulate what it would be like if the Proth Sphere were real. Of course, only you will get to experience that."

Without warning, I felt something connect to my mind, and then for what seemed like an eternity, I relived every nightmare I had ever had, this simulation so real that I thought it was really happening. The only good thing I experienced was a long, happy life with the girl, but of course it was just a simulation. Oddly enough, I didn't experience my nightmare about the end of the universe. The horrors ended and I collapsed, breathless and terrified. Once I recovered and picked myself up, I said, "What's next?"

A little red cube appeared, floating in front of me, unmarked in any way. I had seen that cube before. What was it? Where had I seen it?

"What is it?" I said.

"We don't know."

"Then how do you know if it is real or not?"

"Trust me, we know."

I had nothing to go on other than my memory of seeing it before so I said, "It's real."

"Right you are, Turd Fondler. Now take it. It's yours."

"What if I don't want it?" I said, thinking it possible that this thing would do something awful if I took it.

"Take it, or you lose the game."

"If I lose the game will I have to go through any more challenges?"

"If you lose the game we will kill you."

I grabbed the red cube out of the air. "Can I go home now? I'm getting really sick of this."

"Folks," said B24ME. "We're going to take a commercial break."

I picked the blue cube up off the ground and said, "Cube, take me home."

Back home, I put on some clothes and then headed out to get a much needed drink. As I approached the bar I noticed something on the ground. I drew closer, now able to see that this was a human, or the skeletal remains thereof. Surrounding the skeleton I saw flesh splattered everywhere. Thoughts of Clive ran through my head.

I raced into the bar to get help, but was horrified to see the remains of at least twelve people on the floor, the entire bar covered with bits of flesh and effluent. On the television above the bar I saw what looked like a newsroom with the remains of some unfortunate soul sitting behind a news desk. Aputi had killed everyone. I let that sink in.

"Welcome back, folks. We're here with Turd Fondler. He has just discovered that Aputi wiped out the human race. Well, he might have saved three million, but who knows?" said B24ME.

"Not right now," I said, trying to keep myself calm, but doing a lousy job of it, my breathing ragged, my body shaking.

"Oh, come on, Turd Fondler. There isn't much you can do about it now. Let's move on to the next challenge, shall we? We'll take you somewhere nice and help you take your mind off of things. In fact, we are going to send you to beautiful Gamma War, a wonderful tropical paradise orbiting a rather nasty black hole."

I appeared on a beach on Gamma War. Looking out, across the ocean, I saw a nearby star hovering over the horizon and two moons up above. Around me on the beach I saw many diverse aliens, all of them naked. Off the beach I saw a building with a sign that read, "Tourist Information."

"Okay, B24ME, I'm here. What's the challenge?"

"Sorry, Turd Fondler. We seem to be having technical difficulties. We'll be right back."

A pale blue alien with orange eyes and a cigarette dangling from its lipless mouth approached me and said, "Sir, this is a nude only resort. You are going to have to disrobe." Had I seen this alien before?

Not knowing what else to do, I removed my clothes. The alien, now satisfied, left me standing naked on the beach. I sat down on the beach and cried.

Maybe and hour later, I looked up, noticing the sun, still hovering over the horizon. How was that possible? It hadn't moved at all. Maybe this planet didn't rotate. But, if it didn't, wouldn't that wreak havoc on the environment? I had no clue.

I got up, grabbed my clothes and pulled the blue cube out of my pocket. "Cube, take me home," I said. Nothing happened.

The only building I could see was the tourist information building, so I went there, hoping they could direct me to a bar.

The inside of the building contained a desk, a chair and a squid like alien sitting on the chair. "Can I help you?" it said.

"Where's the nearest bar?"

"Singularity Bar on Ceretus Isle. Step to the side and close your eyes, or not. What does it matter? We're all going to die anyway."

I stepped to the side and closed my eyes, not wanting to get into a philosophical discussion with a squid. I heard a popping sound and then the sound of many voices. Opening my eyes, I saw a crowd of aliens all sitting around a large bar. One of the aliens, a tall orange creature with four arms and a triangular head, approached me.

"Why didn't you stick around on Neta Nexus Nine?" said the alien. "The whole planet has fallen into chaos."

"What are you talking about?"

"They don't have a dictator now, so nobody is doing a damned thing. They're all going to die."

I did remember Neta Nexus Nine and overthrowing the dictator, and in that instant felt a twinge of guilt. I had never thought what might happen if I overthrew the dictator and then left.

"I didn't know," I said.

"What's your name?"

"Kev."

"What kind of name is that? Were your parent's mentally challenged?"

"No. What's your name?" I said, annoyed.

"Bok Choy."

"You know, on my planet that is a type of food," I said, still a little irritated.

"Yeah, well, on my planet, I am a type of food, but let's not dwell on that. So, are you going to go back to Neta Nexus Nine and fix things?"

"What could I possibly fix? I have no clue how to rule a planet. They need to find someone else. Look, I really need a drink."

"I can tell. Here, let me get you something," said Bok Choy.

Bok Choy went up to the bar, and soon returned with a glass of greenish liquid, handing it to me.

"I have a question," I said. "How come I can understand what you're saying and what everyone else is saying? On Neta Nexus Nine I could read all the signs and understand every word spoken."

"Oh, well, most civilized places have translation fields. Much easier than learning new languages," said Bok Choy.

"Oh, why doesn't Earth have that?" I said.

"Earth isn't terribly civilized, now is it?" said Bok Choy.

I took a sip of my drink and heard children laughing and playing, realizing in that instant that I was drinking green tea. A female voice cut in, "Hello, Kev. Welcome to The Diving into a Black Hole Experience. You are going to experience the thrill of being consumed by the giant black hole that lurks nearby. This is a fully interactive experience, although there isn't much you can do other than scream and flap your arms about. Of course, there will be nobody to hear your screams, and all the arm flapping is rather pointless."

"Can I have a different experience?" I said.

"Absolutely not," said the voice, as I launched into space and circled around the backside of the planet, heading toward a black spot in space, around which I could see the distorted light of stars.

I wondered how I could breathe in the vacuum of space, but thought it best not to ask, lest my guide turn off the field or whatever it was that protected me and kept me from freezing and suffocating.

The black spot in the sky grew quickly, soon filling my field of vision.

"You are now crossing the event horizon," said the voice.

I started feeling my body being pulled in different directions, subtle at first, but soon uncomfortable. Soon after that, I started to feel pain, pain that soon reached an unbearable level.

"Can we stop?" I screamed.

"Almost there. Don't worry about the tidal forces. Sure, they are going to rip you to pieces, but you'll make it through," said the voice.

My body tore in half, and looking down I saw that I had somehow stretched. Under normal circumstances this would have been my death, but I lived on, the pain absolutely unspeakable. I screamed and cried, flapped my arms around madly, praying for the end. My halves divided and then those divided as well. This continued until I was nothing, no body, only thought. I felt no more pain.

"Destination reached," said the voice.

Light returned, and I found myself in Singularity Bar in Barrow, Alaska, sitting across from Aputi. He didn't acknowledge me, instead reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small, brown cube of some sort with a yellow button on one side. I looked around the bar, seeing a handful of people, and then turned back to Aputi.

"Time to die," said Aputi, as he pressed the button five times in rapid succession. Everyone in the bar except Aputi and I exploded. The scene shifted and I found myself looking at Bok Choy.

"Which one did you get?" said Bok Choy.

"Which what?"

"Which experience?"

"Oh, I don't know. I got sucked into a black hole," I murmured.

"And after that?"

"I think I saw Aputi kill everyone on Earth," I said, wondering if I could go back in time and get the brown cube from Aputi.

"Aputi?" said Bok Choy.

"Yeah, he's an Inuit or a Bladrithian. I don't know which. But, he killed everyone on Earth," I said, vaguely remembering enough to say that.

"He's a bad guy," said Bok Choy. "There is no telling what he'll do next."

"Wait. You know him?"

"Yeah, well, I think I do if we are talking about the same Aputi. I've known him for years now. I don't know what he has planned for Earth, but I bet it isn't good."

"Well, he wants me to find some yellow cube. He said he was going to use it to re-engineer the humans he didn't kill so he could save the universe," I said, starting to remember things.

"The yellow cube. So, it's real?"

"What? Oh, I don't know. I guess so or he wouldn't be looking for it."

"Do you know what that thing can do?"

"What?"

"It can manipulate matter. If Aputi had that he could do more damage to the universe than you could ever imagine."

"Well, I'm not going to give it to him. I have to go back in time and stop him somehow, but I'm stuck on this show and don't get many breaks. Anyway, I don't have the black cube, so even if I do get a break, I have no way of going back in time and stopping him."

"Don't worry, Kev. You'll figure it out," said Bok Choy, patting me on the shoulder with two of his hands. In that moment, I felt like Bok Choy knew more than he was letting on. I wanted to ask questions, but somehow knew asking questions would not lead to enlightenment.

Bok Choy and I talked for hours, and I learned much, but nothing that really helped me understand my own situation. In that time I had two more green teas and two new experiences, The Induced Seizure Driving Experience, and The Auto-asphyxiation Experience, two rather terrifying experiences to have. After each, I had what I'll call a follow-on experience, in which I witnessed some event in history, an event somehow connected to me. The first was my wedding on Riddent, and the second was of me telling the blue cube I wanted to go to a workshop that had all of the parts necessary for building the black cube. In that experience I appeared in the workshop, constructed the black cube and then pressed the little blue button on it five times. For a brief moment, I knew everything, absolutely everything, but the moment passed and I returned to the real world, lacking infinite knowledge. However, I knew that I must build the black cube.

Bok Choy left some time later, and I decided to stay at the bar. Satisfied that I had drunk enough green tea to last a lifetime, and in the mood for a screwdriver, I motioned to the bartender, a gray-green biped with two heads and eight arms, and asked if he knew how to make a screwdriver, a reasonable enough question in a universe that appeared to be completely unreasonable.

"Yeah, sure," said the bartender. "Who doesn't?"

"I mean a screwdriver like they make on Earth."

"They're the same everywhere, Kev." I hadn't told the bartender my name.

After three screwdrivers, now quite drunk, I took a seat at the bar and had a look around, amazed by the diversity of the aliens surrounding me. While I had always believed aliens, for the most part, would be quite different that humans, I never really imagined how different they would be. Looking at these aliens, I wondered how they evolved. What conditions led them to appear and function the way they did? Of course, I was on a planet with an atmosphere much like Earth's, and similar gravity, so the aliens I saw were only those that could survive in this type of environment. What would aliens living in radically different environments look like? I could not guess.

"Anyone sitting here?" said a woman's voice. I turned and saw a beautiful blonde with a stunning body, naked except for a string of pearls around her neck. Had I seen her before, or at least someone who looked like her? Was she with Aputi in Alaska?

Carefully maintaining eye contact, I said, "No. It's yours."

"What's your name?"

"Kev. Yours?"

"Ruby."

"Oh, hi Ruby." Hadn't someone named Ruby sent a message to my communications device? Wasn't it something about intercopulation?

"What are you drinking?"

"Screwdrivers, but I'm taking a break."

"Tell you what. Why don't you have one more and talk to me?"

"Okay," I said, hoping I wasn't violating my vows to the girl in any way.

Ruby ordered a green tea and a screwdriver. After the bartender delivered the drinks, she held up her glass and said, "To happy endings."

I tapped her glass and took a sip of my drink, tasting something strange. "This a screwdriver?" I said.

"What else would it be?" said Ruby, smiling, a smile that seemed to convey a warning.

I woke naked on a bed in a room in a hotel on Gamma War, Ruby by my side, stroking my chest. However, Ruby had changed, and I found myself more than a little horrified. It wasn't just my infidelity that horrified me. It was also the transformation that Ruby had undergone. This was no human, and from what I could tell it was no female, or at least was--well, she/he/it wasn't human.

"Did we?" I gasped.

"Five times, tiger," said Ruby, her smile now that of some strange demon, a pale red aberration wearing pink lipstick.

"Where am I?"

"At the hotel. Do you want to do it again?"

"You drugged me!" I cried.

"Well, of course I drugged you. You wouldn't have come with me otherwise."

"You violated me."

"Yes, and you enjoyed every minute of it."

"I did not."

"Yes, Kev, you did."

I jumped out of bed and raced out of the room, went down to the lobby of the hotel and then out the front door, heading toward the beach. As I neared the beach I saw the bar, rushed over to it and grabbed a stool. On the stool next to mine I saw my clothes and on top of my clothes I saw the blue cube, a grim reminder of The Show.

"Did you have fun?" said the gray, cylinder-headed, eight-armed bartender, seeing the wild look in my eyes.

"What's your strongest drink?" I said.

"Green tea, of course."

"Give me three," I said, scanning the area for signs of Ruby. "What was she? He?"

"Oh, that my friend is a Nidian hooker."

"A prostitute?"

"No, no. They're called hookers because the hook in their victims by drugging them."

"Why didn't you warn me?"

"I don't know. You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

"Well, next time could you warn me if another Nidian or whatever gets near me?"

"Yeah, sure."

Three green teas later I had managed to calm myself down. Of course, Ruby had appeared while I was in the middle of my third green tea experience and had her or his or whatever hand on my thigh, stroking it gently. I brushed its hand off my thigh and said, "No more. Leave me alone."

"Oh, come on Kev, it was fun."

"I'm married."

"So? She will never know."

"Of course, she'll know. I'm going to tell her. Do you have any diseases?"

"No, but I'm pregnant. This will be the third humo-nidian child in history. Well, sort of."

"I don't believe you. Wait. Third?"

"It's true," said Ruby. "Nidians always get pregnant after intercopulating."

"What?" I cried. "What the hell? By the way, when are you due?"

The Nidian hooker, now back in the form of the beautiful blonde, smiled and said, "In about an hour, your time."

"So, who are the other fathers?" I said, utterly confused. "Have you been to Earth, because I'm pretty sure that the girl and I are the only humans to have left Earth." I wasn't sure about this, wondering if Clive had at one point in time left Earth.

"They are all yours," said Ruby.

"No, they aren't."

"Yes, they are. You just don't remember."

"Remember what?"

"You don't remember how many times we've met and how many times we've intercopulated. It's okay. I know about your memory problems, Kev."

I passed out.
The Nidian Connection

"Kev," said the girl. I opened my eyes and stared up at her for a moment before remembering my experience with Ruby, confessing everything. She picked me up off the ground, a sweet smile on her face. "It's okay, Kev."

I took a deep breath and sat at the bar, the girl sitting next to me. Ruby was nowhere to be seen. "Where is she?" I said.

"She went to Nidia to give birth."

"So, I'm a father. How is any of this possible? This is the first time I met her. I'm sure of it."

"Kev, you're not sure of anything. When you get your memories back it will all make sense."

"You mean if I get my memories back. I don't think I ever will."

"You will, Kev. You will. You just need to stop traveling in time."

"But, I haven't been traveling in time. I don't have the black cube."

"Yes, I know, but you were traveling in time before. You have time lag. You'll remember eventually. Hopefully, I'll be around when you do so I can keep you from going insane."

That didn't sound promising.

"I think I need to see my children," I said, determined not to abandon them even though I had not sired them willingly.

"You'll see them soon, Kev. Don't worry. Anyway, you already know them. You're a good father. You're a wonderful person. You have absolutely no idea how wonderful you are."

I felt tears coming on and wiped my eyes. Overwhelmed and confused, all I could do was roll with it, but I couldn't just roll with it.

"Why won't you explain things to me? I don't understand why you won't."

"Let's take a walk."

The girl led me down to the beach, taking my hand in hers. For whatever reason, I grabbed the blue cube before she pulled me away from the bar.

"Can you at least tell me how to get off this show? B24ME is going to kill me."

"You'll figure it out. You always do. Do you know this planet is orbiting a black hole?"

"It is? So, the green tea experience was real? I really got sucked into the black hole?"

"Sort of. You were sucked into it once before, or maybe many times, but you only told me about one time. You see, your green tea experiences are things that have really happened to you in the past, at least most of the time. Sometimes they are hints you are giving yourself. The follow-on experiences are generally things that have happened in your time bubble, usually more recent events."

"Time bubble?"

"You explained it to me once, but I have to admit, I didn't understand. I wouldn't be giving much away if I told you that you invented green tea. Of course, that statement is a direct violation of the rules, but I think it is a stupid rule."

"I know you're not going to explain that."

"I'm not, but it's true. Kev, you have done many things in your life, amazing things. Green tea was something you created for yourself. I think it is your way of dropping hints for yourself. That or you just like reliving the past in some hallucinatory way."

"What is green tea like for you?" I said.

"Well, the other day, I had The One Million and One Orgasms Experience, my personal favorite."

"So, that has really happened to you?"

"You should know."

"Dammit, I'm getting pretty sick of not remembering things. You can't give me a hint?"

"Nah, that would spoil the fun. Anyway, as I said, you'll figure it out and then you'll probably lose your memories all over again. You keep doing that."

"On purpose?" I said, now suspicious not just of everyone around me, but also of myself, and now quite certain I was playing some sort of game, a game with rules I could not remember.

"Maybe."

"Great. Changing subjects. Aputi killed off pretty much everyone on Earth or maybe everyone. I'm pretty sure he did, anyway."

"He did."

"I think I know how to stop him now."

"How is that?"

"He has a little brown cube with a yellow button. I think he used that to pnuke everyone."

"So, what are you going to do?"

In that moment, I remembered the blue cube and how I had used it in my green tea experience to go to the workshop that had the parts for the black cube. "The blue cube," I said.

"See, you're already starting to figure things out."

"So, you know?"

"Of course, I know. Are you going to do it right now?"

"In a bit."

"Do you want to make love?"

"Absolutely."

"I'm much better than a Nidian hooker, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

The girl disappeared after we made love, so I went back to the bar and ordered a green tea.

"By the way," I said to the bartender, Trikna. "I haven't paid you for a single drink."

"You've been drinking green tea, so the drinks are free."

"Why?"

"Sponsored drink. You should know, Kev."

"I take it you aren't going to explain that any further."

"Rules are rules, my friend."

My green tea experience was The Valenese Bull Riding Experience, a horrifying ride on an eighty-foot tall monstrosity that would like nothing better than to throw you off its back and onto the barbed spikes that lurked below. Of course, I fell off. Following that I witnessed the birth of one of my Nidian children, something I prayed I would soon forget.

"Hello, Turd Fondler," said B24ME. "I trust your visit to Gamma War has been entertaining."

"Uh huh. So, what's the next challenge, you psychopath?"

"Now, now, no need for insults."

I noticed that the bartender and all of the patrons of the bar had disappeared and wondered where they had gone.

"Where is everyone?" I said to myself.

"I can answer that question, Turd Fondler," said B24ME. "Gamma War is about to be sucked into the black hole that lurks nearby. Do you want to know what your next challenge is?"

"What?" I cried, certain that B24ME had something terrible in store for me, something along the lines of getting me sucked into a black hole.

"Escape Gamma War before you are consumed by the black hole."

"Seriously?"

B24ME didn't answer.

I pulled out the blue cube and said, "Cube, take me home." Nothing happened.

"B24ME, the blue cube isn't working." I received no answer.

I sighed, climbed over the bar and prepared myself a green tea and a giant screwdriver in an oversized pitcher. If I was going to die, I could at least be drunk and in the middle of a green tea experience when it happened.

I remember drinking quite a bit and getting terribly drunk. I remember the sky growing dark, the ground shaking and then taking a sip of green tea. I remember hearing children laughing and playing and then hearing a voice say, "Welcome to The Nidian Hooker Experience." What followed, an alarming encounter with Ruby, left me dazed. Following that, I found myself sitting in a conference room, all white, with white furniture. In one corner, floating in the air, I saw a black cube, about a foot on a side. In another corner, I saw a floating yellow sphere. Across from me, I saw Clive when he was a kid, a wide grin on his face.

I heard B24ME's voice coming from the floating black cube. "So, it is settled then. I take it you want me to begin immediately."

"Kev definitely wants that, B24ME," laughed Clive.

"Great," said B24ME. "Tell you what, Kev. I will give you a five second head start. Five, four, three, two, one..."

I woke in a red room, on a red bed, naked and covered with pink lipstick kisses. To my right I saw Ruby. In the doorway to the room I saw three children, three boys who all looked like I had when I was a child. The youngest had to be at least three years old. I knew I had three children with Ruby, but didn't think it possible that the youngest of them could be that old.

"Did we?" I said.

"No, I thought I'd give you a break. Anyway, I want our next time to be special."

I looked at the boys. "Are they mine?" I said to Ruby.

The boys shouted, "Daddy," and jumped up on the bed, tickling me, laughing and screaming.

When things calmed down a bit, Ruby introduced me to my sons, Kev the First, Kev the Second and Kev the Third, confusing, but maybe not so. The oldest was nine years old. The second was six, and the youngest was three.

"But, I thought you just had Kev the third," I said.

"Kev, you were orbiting a black hole, and I came back here to give birth," said Ruby. "Time was passing more slowly for you relative to me."

I should have known that, of course, but in my befuddled state, I hadn't thought of it.

"Daddy, will you play hide and seek with us?" said Kev the third.

"Or Mister Spider?" said Kev the second.

"What's Mister Spider?" I said.

"Tickle torture," said Kev the first, smiling.

I chased the boys around Ruby's house for hours, hell bent on being the best father possible. I forgave Ruby for taking advantage of me, but requested that she not do it again. She reluctantly agreed, although I believed she would do the same thing again, if given a chance.

We had dinner together and Ruby explained what she could, or rather what she was allowed to explain. Apparently, Ruby was in on whatever game I was playing.

I had last seen Kev the first and Kev the second four years ago, according to Ruby, although that made no sense to me at all. Four years prior to this, I had been in Vermont, had I not? I remembered the girl telling me I had been traveling in time, and remembered her telling me I was quite old. I remembered the present year, or at least what I thought it was. I tried to wrap my mind around things, but found myself too befuddled to make sense of anything.

I looked at the boys and Ruby, feeling terrible for not remembering them, offering an apology. Ruby and the boys took no offense. They knew I had serious memory problems, and anyway, were just happy to see me.

After dinner, B24ME spoke up, "Having a nice time with your family, Turd Fondler?"

"Not now, B24ME."

"Look, Kev, we have a slight problem."

"What's that?"

"Do you remember the Proth Sphere?" said B24ME.

"Yeah, what of it?"

"It was real."

"What?"

"Because of you, the universe is being sucked into a giant nozzle, Kev. You have to stop it."

"Wait a second. Is this another stupid challenge?"

"Absolutely not, you twisted bastard. Your nightmares have come true for the entire universe, and that one in particular is going to be the end of us all."

"Well, how am I supposed to stop it?" I said.

"I don't know, but if you don't we will all cease to exist in about thirty-seven hours, your time." What was my time? I had heard that before. Wasn't time the same for everyone?

"Wonderful." I thought of the black cube again, and wondered if I built it and went back in time and replayed the is it real game would I be able to stop this from happening if I guessed the Proth Sphere was real?

"B24ME, you have to help me," I said.

B24ME didn't answer.

I looked at Ruby and said, "Something terrible is about to happen."

"What's that?"

"The universe is going to end," I said.

"Oh, that's nice. I take it you are going to save the universe."

"You don't seem that upset," I said.

"I'm not worried, Kev. You'll figure it out."

I said my goodbyes to the boys and Ruby, and then pulled out the blue cube and said, "Cube, take me to a workshop that has all of the parts necessary to build the black cube," praying that it would work.

Sure enough, I appeared in a small workshop, standing in front of a workbench. On the workbench, I saw a small black cube with a circular hole on one side and next to that a cylindrical insert that fit into the hole. I put the pieces together and stopped. The cylindrical insert had a blue button. On the cube above the button was a small display that read, 2020. I assumed that was the present year, at least on Earth, for reasons that totally escaped me. What was I supposed to do next? I looked around and found a piece of paper on the edge of the workbench, instructions of some sort.

Press once and hold to go back

Press twice and hold to go forward

Press three times to go to Peoria

Press four times and you will feel a little dizzy

Do not press the button five times

Press six times if you've pressed the button five times

Good luck if you press the button more than six times

Press it seven times. I dare you.

"Cube, take me to the warehouse where I played the 'Is it real or is it not' game," I said, appearing in a large warehouse. In front of me, I saw a table with an assortment of weapons and a glass filled with greenish fluid. The warehouse was otherwise empty.

I picked up the glass, wondering if a green tea experience might reveal something, but then put it back down, figuring I would get some awful experience.

I looked around the warehouse. When had I last been here? It was before Gamma War. How long had I been on Gamma War relative to this place? It had to be over three years. In fact, I thought it had to be in two thousand, sixteen.

I pressed the button on the black cube once and held it, watching as the number on the display went down. When it reached 2016, I let go. Nothing had changed, and of course it hadn't. I had to go back down to 2015 and wait to reach the day that I had done the challenge, but I thought that might be months in the future. I pressed the button and held it until the number went down by one. I now stood in an empty warehouse, realizing I would have to wait for an unknown amount of time for B24ME or whomever to come and start the challenge again. Was I really going to stand here in this warehouse for who knew how long with nothing to do? I called out to B24ME, hoping beyond all hope that he would answer, but answer he did not. This confused me to some extent, given that at that time, I thought the blue cube acted as a communications device that directly linked me to him. I also figured that I was in B24ME's past, and that maybe I could convince him to get rid of the challenge and thus save the universe. I called out to B24ME again, but he did not answer. Perhaps the blue cube had malfunctioned?

I figured I'd go home and come back and check the warehouse every day. Of course, I had no idea on what date I had done that challenge, so it was really a guessing game.

"Cube, take me home," I said, appearing in my family room, figuring I'd wait it out in Vermont.

"Oh, there you are, you moron. Do you know what you've done?" said Aputi, coming out from the kitchen to the family room.

"What's that?" I said, more than a little surprised to see him.

"Thanks to you, the universe is going to end."

"Yeah, but not for five years," I said.

"Wrong."

"What?"

"The universe is going to end in less than thirty-seven hours, your time."

"But B24ME told me that when I was in 2020, and we are in 2015, so I have five years. Anyway, how do you know anything about it, you murderer?"

"What? You don't think I watch The Show? I know what you did, you imbecile. You have to fix this immediately or we are all going to die."

"Well, I am going to fix it. I'm going to go back to the warehouse when the challenge began and guess right this time, so none of this will have ever happened. Then, I'm going to stop you from killing every living human on the planet."

"Good luck with that, you idiot. Anyway, you can't change anything by redoing the challenge. That time bubble has long since popped. Further, that happened months from now and, as I just said, the universe is going to end in thirty-seven hours. You're going to have to find another way."

"Time bubble?" I said. I guess I'll explain. I existed only at one point in time at any given time and, therefore, could not go back and change my past, so whatever transpired between the sphere and me was completely irreversible. More on this later, perhaps, given that this explanation really lacks clarity, although it is a nice enough hint, don't you think?

"My God, you are the most stupid person I've ever met. I swear if I didn't know any better I'd say you have a class one mind."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't. Now fix this mess immediately."

"Aputi, I just want you to know, you are never going to get the yellow cube, no matter what happens. I don't know why you want it, but I know it isn't for anything good."

"We'll see." Aputi disappeared.

Thirty-six hours later, with no clue how I could save the universe, I screamed, "I wish the Proth Sphere never existed," and found myself floating in empty space, in an infinite, blue sky.

"Hey, Kev," said a child's voice. I looked around, but saw nothing.

"Who is this?"

"It's me, Bri. Don't you remember?"

"No. Who are you?"

"Time lag, huh? I'm the co-creator of the universe. Well, sometimes I am. Occasionally, you do it yourself, but you haven't done that in quite a while."

"Are you God?" I said.

"I don't know. Am I?" said Bri.

"Where are we?"

"We're here, dummy. Isn't it beautiful?"

"There is nothing here."

"I know. There is nothing left because of you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you wished the Proth Sphere never existed. In doing so, you made it so that the universe, in fact all of the infinite universes, never existed. Fun, right?"

"I don't understand."

"I know you don't. The only thing I can tell you is that the Proth Sphere is also a co-creator of the universe. Together, we create most of the infinite universes. However, now the sphere never existed, so now none of the infinite universes ever existed."

"Well, if they never existed, how is it that you and I are talking about them?"

"Good question, but I don't know the answer. Anyway, you should know, but your memory is terminally impaired."

"Great, what do we do now?"

"We could hang out for a few eons. Maybe you'll figure out how to fix it."

"So, wait a second, does this mean that the girl never existed? What about Clive? How can I remember them if they never existed?"

"If I knew the answers I would know many things, but I don't."

"Well, I want them back."

"If I had the Proth Sphere, you could have them back, probably, although the new universe might be pretty different. I've had more than a few new dreams and nightmares since the last time I created the universe."

"How long ago was that?"

"Thirty-seven years ago, your time."

"What is this my time crap everyone keeps talking about?"

"Ask yourself."

"Dammit, I'm pretty sick of getting non-answers to my questions."

"Well, don't ask questions I can't answer. So, what should we talk about for the next billion or so years?"

"How do I fix this?" I said.

"You know, Kev, for someone with a class nine mind you can be quite dense sometimes. Haven't I already said enough?"

"You haven't told me how to fix this, if that's what you mean," I growled.

"Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any cubes on you, would you?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Which ones?"

"A black one, a blue one and a red one."

"Oh, you're on The Show, huh? Poor bastard."

"Look, are you going to tell me how to fix this or not?" I said.

"I don't know. To be completely honest, I kind of like things this way. The sphere is a real pest sometimes. Maybe a multi-billion year break is a good thing."

"Please tell me, Bri."

"I don't know. Maybe you should make a wish."

I paused, now thinking about the cubes. I knew the black one, at the very least, allowed me to time travel. The blue cube was for The Show. What was the red cube? Had that allowed me to wish the Proth Sphere never existed?

If the red cube gave me that wish, would it give me another wish? Maybe I could wish the universe was back and that it was not going to be sucked into a giant nozzle. Maybe I could wish that I knew what the hell was going on. Maybe I could wish that I had all of my memories back and that the universe was back and that I knew what was going on.

"The red cube gives me wishes, doesn't it?" I said.

"What would make you think that?" said Bri, hesitating before he said it, sounding more than a little nervous.

"What would happen if I wished you didn't exist, Bri?"

"Not nice, Kev. Anyway, it wouldn't work. If, in fact, it is a wishing cube, the only wish you can make right now is for the Proth Sphere to exist again."

"Why is that?" I said.

"Rules are rules," Kev. "Ah, whatever. Look, if you wish the sphere exists, then you will be free to make other wishes, but only three more and then the red cube has to recharge. You know, when this is all over don't get mad at me for saying any of this. If you weren't so dense, I wouldn't have had to say anything."

"Gee, thanks. So, all I can do now is wish the sphere exists. Then what?"

"Then the sphere and I recreate the universe and you go on your merry way."

"And I can make more wishes, right?"

"I do believe I said that."

"By the way, who made these rules?"

"You did, you moron. Now are you going to make the wish or not?"

"I wish the Proth Sphere exists," I cried.

"Hey guys," said a voice. I saw a yellow sphere hovering nearby. "What's going on?"

"Now what?" I said.

"You ready for a new universe, Kev?" said Bri.

"You know, Bri," said the sphere. "This time I get to choose how many possible types of jelly donuts there are in the universe. I think there should be thirty-seven types."

"No. It's my turn," said Bri.

"Is not."

"Look, it is my turn. Anyway, who said you were allowed to determine anything about the universe? I am the one with the dreams and nightmares, not you."

"Yeah, well, I have dreams and nightmares too, pal. Why can't I choose?"

"Because you're an idiot," shouted Bri.

"Guys," I said.

"No, you're an idiot," said the sphere.

"Guys," I shouted.

"What?" said Bri.

"Would you stop fighting and recreate the universe, please?"

"Absolutely not," said the sphere.

Bri and the sphere continued arguing, ignoring my pleas. Eventually, sick of waiting for them to resolve their differences, I said, "I wish you two would stop fighting and recreate the damned universe."

I woke up next to the girl in a room with bamboo walls and a thatched roof, remembering a strange dream, one in which I had been on some horrible game show, one in which I had inadvertently been responsible for negating the infinite universes. I had a vague recollection of a yellow sphere and someone named Bri, a kid perhaps, or maybe God, but I couldn't put a face to the name. I remembered having children, maybe three boys with someone named Ruby. It had been a long, dark dream, one I wasn't sure I wanted to remember. I didn't remember much else, including the purpose of the red cube, or that I had made any wishes with it that came true.

I should note that Bri told a bit of a fib, and for a very good reason. He did not want me to make any wish other than wishing for the sphere to exist again. I could have wished the universe back into existence if I wanted to. I could have wished to understand what was going on and to have all of my memories back. Bri knew this, of course, and he lied to keep me from figuring out what the hell was going on, the clever, little bastard. However, that had not stopped me from making the wish that made Bri and the sphere recreate the universe.

"You're awake," said the girl.

"Strange dream," I said. "Where are we?"

"Home, dummy. Don't tell me you don't remember."

"I remember you, so things can't be all that bad." I kissed her and drew her near.

A little girl ran into the room and yelled, "Daddy is awake!"

"Um, who is that?" I said.

"That's Soph, your daughter."

"Do I have three sons too?" I said, remembering three young boys tackling me in a strange woman's bedroom.

"Yes, Kev. They live on Nidia," laughed the girl.

"Am I on a game show?" I said, fearing the worst.

"Not anymore, but I'm sure you'll be on it again."

I searched my memories, trying to figure out what I should ask next and recalled a name. "Who is Aputi?" I said.

"Uncle Aputi is in the kitchen," said Soph, smiling.

"Oh. Right. Okay. What else am I missing?"

"Don't worry, dear. You'll figure it out."

"Wait, where is Clive?"

"He lives just down the beach."

"But he's dead," I said, suddenly remembering the pnukes, but not remembering that Aputi had been responsible for the pnukes.

"You saved him, Kev. He's fine."

"Are all the people on Earth dead?" I said, horrified by what I had just remembered.

"No, you saved them too."

"Saved them from what?" I said.

"The Canadians," laughed Soph. "Daddy, you are such a doody head."

"I don't understand."

"You will, Kev. Let's have breakfast. Aputi is making your favorite," said the girl.

"What's my favorite?"

"French toast, bacon, and berries. And you can have a big glass of green tea to help you remember."

"Oh, okay."

After my green tea experience, not recalling the more interesting properties of green tea, I said, "Does it do that every time?"

"Kev, I swear you have the worst memory of anyone I have ever met," said Aputi. I eyed the old man suspiciously. Who was he? What was he doing in my house? Actually, where was I? Why didn't I remember this house?

"Hey, where are we?" I said.

"Uthio Minor, dear," said the girl.

"Where is that?"

"About thirty-seven billion light-years from Earth."

I passed out and later came to on a couch, the girl looking down at me.

"You are going to have to explain a few things," I said weakly.

At the time, I had no memories of ever having traveled off of Earth. I had no memories other than those of Clive, the girl (partial memories) and my aunt and uncle, and those memories were like fast moving clouds in a moonless night sky.

The girl spoke at length, but I could tell she had omitted many things. She told me I had been traveling in time quite a bit and that I had lost most of my memories because of something she called time lag, a thing she would not explain on account of the rules. She told me I had been on The Show many times and had always found a way off before B24ME, a name I didn't remember, managed to kill me. Many times, when I asked questions, she would only say, "You'll figure it out," or would refuse to answer on the grounds that the "rules" were quite strict. I asked about these rules and she said, "I shouldn't break the rules, Kev. You'll figure it out."

"Lovely, just lovely."

"Reach into your pockets," said the girl.

I reached into my pockets and pulled out two cubes, black and red.

"The black one you use to travel in time. You've never explained how to use it though. Do you remember it?"

"Vaguely. What's the red one?"

"You won that on The Show some time ago. I don't know what it does, but I know you've had it before. You've had the blue one before, but you always manage to get rid of it. If you see that cube again or if someone tries to give it to you, don't touch it. It will land you back on The Show." Note that when Bri and the sphere recreated the universe, they took the blue cube away from me, thus taking me off The Show.

"I'll probably forget." I looked around, and not seeing any sign of Aputi, I said, "I don't trust Aputi. Why is he here?"

"You don't trust him? Why?"

"I don't know. I think he's up to no good."

"Well, you're the one who brought him here to live with us."

"I did? Why?"

"You do many things I don't understand, Kev. But, if it's any comfort, I don't think you have to worry about Aputi. He's harmless. A little annoying at times, but perfectly harmless."

Weeks passed, time spent with the girl, Soph, Clive, Aputi, Ruby-- whom I did now remember--and the three Kev's. I adjusted to living on this distant planet and found myself quite happy. Of course, there were many things I didn't remember, and I spent quite a lot of time trying to remember those things, but only recalled a few things here and there.

I remembered Bri and the Proth Sphere, and remembered that they recreated the universe, and that I was now in that new universe. I suspected that might have had some relationship with my memory loss, and possibly with the fact that I no longer had the blue cube, but could get no straight answers from anyone.

I remembered the re-enactment of the Battle of Bwar Nit and Via, but suspected that had been a dream. Then there was a dragon that burned off all my flesh, a dragon I killed with a squirt gun, probably another dream.

Then there was The Show and B24ME. Those memories, quite vague, stirred other memories of a time when Clive played a game with me called The Show. I wondered if there was some relationship between the two, but Clive could shed no light on things, or at least he wouldn't. After all, the rules were very strict.

Clive and I would go to the bar down the beach from time to time. The bartender, Brok, whom I now knew but didn't remember from the past, would sometimes tell me stories about things I had done.

He claimed I had once gone to a planet named Surth Beta and visited a brain in a vat that had given me the memories of trillions of beings, and that immediately after that I had trapped the Proth Sphere and recreated the universe many times, each time fouling things up, until after something like three thousand, seven hundred, thirty-seven tries, I gave up and sent the sphere to Bri so they could fix things. He also told me that after the last time I recreated the universe with the sphere, I had wiped out all of my memories from those trillions of beings. I didn't know what to believe. Part of me thought I was trapped in some bizarre dream. Another part of me thought I was being played by pretty much everyone in the universe.

Clive would also tell me stories, but those were mostly about things we had done when we were children, although he never mentioned The Show.

One day, while sitting at the bar, Clive said, "Do you believe in God?"

"I don't know," I said. "Why? Are you taking a survey?"

Clive laughed in his easy way. "Seriously, do you believe in God?"

"Well, if I do, I believe God is really messing with me right now."

"You have that right, Kev," said Clive, slapping me on the back.

At one point, the girl showed me a little yellow cube and told me she used it to manipulate matter. In that moment, I gasped, remembering Aputi, the pnukes, and Aputi's plan to wipe out humanity and re-engineer the minds of some three million that would not be killed in order to save the universe.

"Does Aputi know you have this?" I said, horrified.

"No, why?"

"Don't let him know. Didn't I tell you what he was going to do?"

"What was he going to do?" said the girl. I detected something in her tone, perhaps a hint of amusement.

"Aputi is going to wipe out humanity. Well, he is going to save three million, and re-engineer their minds so he can save the universe. Don't you remember telling me that was all a crock of shit? He killed everyone. He didn't save anyone. He wants that yellow cube to do something horrible. You don't remember?"

"Calm down, Kev. Aputi didn't kill off humanity. Tell you what. Why don't we go to your house in Vermont and I'll show you."

"In the present or in the past?" I said.

"We can go to the present and you will see that everything is just fine."

The girl and I appeared in my old house in Vermont. Nothing had changed although the place did smell a bit musty.

"What year is this?" I said.

"Three thousand, three hundred, thirty-seven."

"My house has stayed the same for over a thousand years? It's still mine?"

"Yes, dear, but if we go outside you will see some things have changed."

The girl led me out of the house and I was more than a little surprised to find a metropolis surrounding my ancient house. Tall skyscrapers, airborne cars, and people wearing clothes that looked like something from a science fiction movie. My home did not belong in this alien place, but there it was, untouched by time.

"Why didn't anybody tear my house down? Did they try?"

"No, Kev, and nobody will. This is your home. Well, it's your other home."

"It's made of wood. How on Earth did it survive?"

"Well, you're pretty handy, Mister Pryce. You've rebuilt it many times. It's kind of cute that you have kept it the same all these years."

"I guess I'm sentimental. Anyway, you can't let Aputi know you have that cube. I'm sure he'll try to steal it and then who knows what will happen?"

"Don't worry, Kev. I won't let him know."

I looked around and noticed another building that looked out of place. It was the old bar, Max's place.

"Is that what I think it is?" I said.

"Yes, Kev."

I grabbed the girl by the hand and led her down the street to the bar. The inside was just as I remembered it and I was more than a little surprised to see Max tending bar. I stopped. That couldn't be Max.

"Kev," called out Max, a broad grin on his bearded face.

I felt wobbly and had to grab the bar to stay standing. Max laughed and said, "How much does he remember?"

"Not that much, Max," said the girl.

"How are you alive?" I said to Max.

"You should know," said Max.

"Well, I don't. Can you fill me in?"

"Against the rules, I'm afraid."

I looked at the girl and back at Max and said, "You know, I'm getting pretty sick of this whole against the rules thing. Would somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Kev, sit down and have a green tea. Maybe that will clear things up a bit," said Max.

The girl and I sat at the bar and Max delivered two green teas.

"You know, Kev, one day you're going to thank us for not telling you," said Max.

"Yeah, well, I'm not feeling all that thankful right now," I muttered.

"Drink up," said the girl.

I took a sip of green tea and heard children laughing and playing. I vaguely recalled someone telling me that I had invented green tea, but quickly dismissed the thought.

"Hello, Kev," said a voice. "Welcome to The Canadians Are After You Experience."

"What?" I said.

"Just listen," said the voice. "You've really pissed off the Canadians, Kev. They don't appreciate you saving the universe, and they are going to come after you. In fact, they're looking for you right now, so you better figure out what you are going to do."

I found myself standing on the porch of an old, red cottage on a lake. The porch wrapped around the sides of the cottage. I scanned the area seeing no other cottages and no people. I then noticed I was holding my old journal, and then heard footsteps approaching from either side.

Hands grabbed me and someone said, "You're going to regret messing with Canada." I felt something smash against my head and blacked out.

I opened my eyes and saw Max and the girl looking at me. "I think the Canadians are after me."

"Right you are," said Max.

"Canada is about five miles away," I said.

"We're in Canada, Kev," said the girl, now smiling. In this universe, Canada had annexed the northernmost parts of the United States in 2937.

"We have to get out of here," I cried, now fully convinced I was in grave danger.

"Relax, Kev. They don't know you're here, and this is the last place they would look for you," said Max.

"Whatever," I said. "Let's go back to Uthio Minor."

It was true, you know. The Canadians did want to get their hands on me, or rather, wanted to kill me. According to Max, I had saved the universe from destruction many times. The Canadians wanted the universe to end forever, the nihilists, and for whatever reason, knew that I had been the one to save the universe.

Each time I had saved the universe, except for the time I made a wish that made it so the universe had never existed and then brought the sphere back so that Bri and the sphere could recreate the universe, it had been to save it from an attempt on the part of the Canadians to end it. How I saved the universe and how the Canadians tried to end it remained a mystery to me, and I asked nothing about it, figuring I was lucky the girl and Max told me what they did, and thinking it unlikely that they would tell me more.

We stayed and talked for a while, then returned to my house. There I noticed a little blue cube on the coffee table. In that moment I had forgotten what the girl had told me about the blue cube, and for whatever reason, had forgotten about The Show. As I reached down to pick up the cube, the girl shouted, "No!" But, it was too late. I had it in hand.

"What?" I said.

I blinked and then found myself standing at the top of a super massive skyscraper, winds howling around me. I could see a sprawling city all around, stretching to the horizon in every direction.

"Welcome to the Idian Spire," said B24ME joyously.

I looked around for the source of the voice, but saw nobody. "Who is this?" I said.

B24ME laughed, "I thought you would forget, Turd Fondler."

"Forget what?" Where was the girl? How did I get here? Who was talking to me?

"Don't you remember me?" said B24ME.

"I don't know. Your voice is familiar. Who are you?"

"I'm B24ME, host of The Show. Don't you remember?"

"Oh no," I said, remembering enough to know I was now at the mercy of B24ME, and my life was in danger.

"So, are you ready for your next challenge?"

"What is it?"

"You have to learn how to fly, or you will surely die," chortled B24ME.

A strong gust of wind blew me off the building and I found myself plummeting to the ground. I screamed, flapping my arms madly. I prayed and begged B24ME to save me, but B24ME just laughed and said, "Learn to fly, or you die."

The ground swiftly approaching, I wet myself, screaming even louder. Maybe a couple hundred feet off the ground I screamed, "I wish I could fly," and stopped falling.

"Neat trick," growled B24ME. "You want to explain how you did that?"

I didn't know how I did that. I didn't remember wishing I could fly. If I had remembered I would have immediately wished that I wasn't on The Show.

"I see you don't know the answer to my question," said B24ME, a hint of joy in his voice. "So, are you ready for your next challenge?"

"Absolutely not," I said.

"Oh, come on. The fun is just beginning."

I felt the blue cube in my hand and looked at it, remembering something. "Cube, take me to Uthio Minor."

Nothing happened.

"Not so fast, Turd Fondler."

"Why do you keep calling me Turd Fondler?"

"That's your name, isn't it?"

"No. My name is Kev."

"Stupid name. Turd Fondler is much better, don't you think?"

"Whatever. Let me go home," I said.

"No."

The Black Cube

"So, I have to escape ants?" I said, still hovering in the air.

"Excretorian ants, Turd Fondler," said B24ME.

"How many?" I said.

"About three billion of them."

"Well, how am I going to do that?"

"I don't know, but I think you might just figure it out. Anyway, all you have to do is escape. However, you have to set foot on their planet."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Excretorian ants can control your mind," said B24ME.

"What?" I figured I had about a second from the time I set foot on Excretor to tell the blue cube to take me home. Something told me I might not get the chance.

I appeared on Excretor, surrounded by hot-pink ants the size of busses. "Cube," I said, but could get no more out, my actions now controlled by the ants. Within seconds, I had been torn in half by one of those monsters.

I saw a flash of light and again found myself standing in a crowd of giant ants, only to be torn in half again.

I don't know how many times I died. It had to be thousands of times. I lost track of who I was, where I was, and what I was doing there. I forgot almost everything. However, I remembered the blue cube, and found I was able to say, "Cube, take me home," right as I saw the flash of light.

I appeared in my house in Vermont, my clothes shredded, blood all over what remained of them.

"That's a neat trick, Turd Fondler," said B24ME. "Care to let me in on your secret?"

I didn't remember the ants or being killed countless times. I didn't remember B24ME or The Show. I didn't remember the girl, Clive, Aputi, Soph, the three Kev's, Ruby, or anyone else.

"What are you talking about?" I said, looking around for the source of the voice.

"Can you die, Turd Fondler?" said B24ME, playfully.

"What the hell are you talking about? Where am I?"

"You're in your home in Vermont, Turd Fondler. The year is three thousand, three hundred, thirty-seven, and you are on The Show. You have just won a challenge and we are moving on to the next. Are you ready?"

"No, wait. What do you mean? I don't understand."

I noticed the blue cube in my hand and remembered a warning. Never touch the blue cube. I dropped the cube on the ground, and not knowing what else to do, I stomped on it with my foot. I heard circuits frying and the sound of hissing gas, and then started choking and fell to the ground. Before I passed out, I heard B24ME cry, "You're going to regret this, you bastard."

I woke up on the floor in my family room, an unfamiliar environment at that moment. I looked at myself, my clothes tattered, and wondered what had happened. Rising to my feet, I checked for injury but found none. As I patted down my right leg, I felt something in my pocket. I reached in and pulled out two cubes, red and black. The black one had a small, blue button and some sort of digital display that read 3337. I pressed the button once and let go. Nothing happened. I tried again, this time holding the button down briefly. The number decremented by one, but nothing else appeared to happen. I pressed the button twice and held it for a moment. The number incremented by one.

I didn't know what the black cube was, but I felt a strong urge to experiment with it, so I pressed the button three times, now finding myself standing by a river in a small city, Peoria, Illinois, two thousand, sixteen.

I pressed the button four times and felt a little dizzy, but otherwise okay. What would five times do? Was I supposed to press the button five times? I pressed it five times, and in a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a second, all of the memories and knowledge of all of the infinite beings that had ever existed in all of the infinite universes passed into me. I blacked out.

Thirty-seven days later, I woke in a hospital bed, more than a little concerned for my well being. I knew everything, or at least everything that all of the infinite beings that ever existed in all of the infinite universes knew up until the point I had pressed the button five times, or at least so I thought in that moment. I also knew I did not have all of my own memories back, although all of the other memories I had gave me some understanding of my past.

I knew that having this knowledge put me and everything else in the universe in terrible danger. However, I did not know the source of the danger.

A nurse walked in the room and smiled at me. "Good morning, Mister Pryce. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, Nara. Is my wife here?"

"She's right outside. How are you feeling?"

"Enlightened. Will you get my wife?"

The nurse left and the girl walked into the room. She had a strange look on her face, as well she should have, under the circumstances, those particular circumstances being my sudden realization that I did not possess any of my wife's memories, as well as those of a few other individuals.

"Why is it that I have the memories and knowledge of pretty much every being that ever existed in any of the infinite universes that ever existed, and I have no memories or knowledge from you or Clive?" I said, realizing I also lacked the knowledge of Bri, the Proth Sphere and Jesus. Jesus? I realized I knew Jesus and had memories of others who had seen Jesus and I together at various points in time, although no memories of anything that we had said to each other.

"You pressed the button five times," said the girl.

"Yes. Are you going to answer my question? And don't give me any of this crap about the rules."

"I can't tell you, Kev. You have to figure it out on your own."

"Why am I in danger? I mean, I know the Canadians are after me, and that they are probably on their way here, but there is something else. Someone else is after me. Who?"

"That I don't know for sure, but it's not me," she said.

I believed her, but thought she might suspect someone. "And what about Jesus, Bri, and the Proth Sphere? I don't have their memories, but I know they exist. Am I missing anyone?"

"I don't know, Kev. Really, I don't. I mean, I do know quite a bit about your situation, but I can't really tell you much."

I hadn't gotten to the good part yet, the part that made me question everything. "Why did Clive hire Aputi to wipe out humanity?"

"He did?"

"Yes. Are you telling me you don't know about that?"

"You know this from Aputi's memories?"

"Yes. I know you've never talked to Aputi about it, of course. I also know that Aputi doesn't think you know about it at all. However, I believe you do know that Clive hired him. Of course, the universe was reset and it was all undone, but I'll bet anything you knew about it at least at one point. Are you going to tell me that when I brought Aputi to live with us, you didn't know?"

"No."

"What's your game? I know I'm playing a game now, but I don't know the rules or what my objective is, if I even have one."

"Kev..."

"Are you really my wife? Do you even love me?"

"Kev, stop. You know I love you."

I dug deeper into my memories and found Soph's memories. One in particular stood out. The girl had once told Soph the story of how she and I first met and how she instantly fell in love with me. I doubted she would tell our daughter that if it wasn't true. I could find no other memories of the girl telling anyone about her love for me, but I believed she spoke truthfully when she told Soph the story.

"Did you know Clive and I created The Show?" I said.

"You did?"

"Yes. I hired B24ME to host the show and instructed him to try to kill me in an infinite number of ways, and if I managed to get off The Show somehow, to get me back on. Why would I do that? I don't know the answer because even though I have all of these memories, I know now I don't have all of my own memories back. I only know about The Show because I have B24ME's memories. I suspect you and Clive know all the answers, and I know you're not going to give them to me. I know. The rules. Why can't I die? Can you die? Can Clive? Why have I been alive for over a thousand years? Actually, I have been alive much longer than that, haven't I? Same with you and Clive. I know that's not normal."

The girl didn't answer. I saw tears streaming down her face. She came beside me and kissed me, her hands on my face. "You have no idea how much I want to tell you everything, Kev. Know this. You will be much happier in the long term if I don't tell you."

I brought my legs over the side of the bed and sat up. "The Canadians will probably be coming. They were in town the day I pressed the button five times, hoping I would come here. We should go." I brought us to Uthio Minor in the present, now knowing how to teleport at will, and able to move back and forth through time without the black cube. I still didn't know what the red cube did, but I suspected Clive and the girl knew, and knew they would never tell me. I also remembered a small clear cube that I had when I was a boy, and knew exactly where it was. Something told me that cube held all the answers.

I went into the bedroom and changed out of my hospital garb, and then returned to the family room and sat down on the couch next to the girl. Soph entered the room and sat beside me. Moments later, Ruby and the three Kev's appeared.

"Daddy!" cried the Kev's, all rushing over to me.

I looked at Ruby, a smile on my face, remembering all of the times she had taken advantage of me. I didn't hold it against her, of course. It was just her part in this madness.

And that was another thing. Everyone in the universe knew who I was and that I was playing a game, although the only thing they knew about the game was that they could not provide any material assistance to me, whatever that meant. It appeared that most of them had different opinions of what constituted material assistance. Only a small handful knew anything even remotely useful, and the things they did know didn't give me much to go on.

Realizing I wouldn't get any help from anyone, I focused on being with my family, although my thoughts wandered as I played with the kids and made small talk with the girl and Ruby. I wondered why Clive had hired Aputi to end humanity, and even kill him. I knew Clive had died that day. However, his death wasn't final, which made me wonder even more about him. What was Clive's role in this game? Was he the one I should beware of? Who had told me to beware of him? That thought stayed with me for a while.

We had dinner and then went for a walk on the beach. The kids played in the water, while Ruby, the girl and I walked hand in hand. On our way back to the house, I found a memory of something so horrible that I couldn't believe it. Aputi had once had a dream or maybe a nightmare in which all creation, including God ceased to exist, something so convoluted and vile that words cannot truly describe it. In that instant, I remembered the Proth Sphere and what it could do, and I wondered what would happen if Aputi ever connected to the sphere. In all of the infinite memories I had, this was the only one of its kind. That seemed odd to me. I would have thought many would have such a nightmare at some point or another. Why would only one, and now two, including me, have it? I remembered my nightmare about the giant nozzle that sucked up the universe and knew that nightmare had almost ended the universe. Aputi's nightmare was far worse than that, given that if Aputi's nightmare came true, nobody would be able to save anything ever again because nothing would exist.

My thoughts drifted to other memories. There were so many them, an infinite number. I found it difficult to keep track of things, and knew I was missing something. That's when I saw Clive walking down the beach, followed by the Proth Sphere. Clive had a sick grin on his face. I knew in that moment that he had come looking for me, and I suspected it had something to do with Aputi's nightmare. I immediately teleported to my house in Vermont in two thousand, sixteen.

Moments after I appeared in my house in Vermont, Clive and the sphere appeared right in front of me. Before Clive could speak, I teleported to Gamma War. In this universe, Gamma War had not been sucked into a black hole. However, it was orbiting the black hole and appeared to be on the verge of being sucked into that monstrosity. I wondered if Clive would follow me here and wondered if it was best to go somewhere he might not think of, and also somewhere that was not about to be consumed by a black hole.

I remembered the clear cube in that moment and teleported to Ceti Margaux in the present, the last location that anyone in the universe had any memory of seeing the clear cube, the place where it had been for many years.

Very few traveled to Ceti Margaux and for a couple of good reasons. The planet had a terrible smell, like the worst kind of fart imaginable. Further, its residents were a putrid, hunched race covered with warts and sores, whose voices could cause almost terminal emotional and intestinal distress. Needless to say, this was not a popular tourist destination.

I looked around, now in a place that looked like an old French village. I found it remarkable that the inhabitants of this planet would create such a quaint village. I felt someone tap on my shoulder and turned around, facing an older female.

"Class three?" she said.

"What?"

"What class are you?" she said, and I remembered. The residents of this planet had an obsession with mind class (and also fine wine and stinky cheese), most of them being class sevens. It was a crime to not know your class, although they were lenient with visitors, more than happy to test you, so you could go on your merry way and enjoy the fine smells, wine, cheese and company their planet had to offer.

"I don't know," I said, already knowing the answer, but wanting to give her a little surprise.

"Well, we'll have to get you tested."

I smiled and waited for her question, knowing that my two-word answer would determine everything. Well, honestly, it wasn't just the answer, but the way I said it, the time of day, the temperature and a large number of other factors that played into it.

"What is your favorite color?" she said.

"Cerulean blue."

Her rheumy eyes widened and she said, "Are you sure? You wouldn't be lying would you?"

"So, what does that make me?" I said, smiling in my most pleasant way.

"You'll have to come with me," she said, grabbing my hand with a knotty, pustule covered claw, leading me into the building I had planned on visiting, the building where I would find the being who had the clear cube, the cube it had found while visiting a small park in Macon, Georgia, having mistakenly teleported there after drinking far too much wine, many years in the past.

Sitting in an empty room on what appeared to be a pile of logs, I saw the most horrid creature I had ever seen, possibly the ugliest creature in all of the infinite universes. His name was Grall Tok. He bowed his head slightly, his head covered in oozing sores, green, red and black, and said, "Kev. You know, I never thought I would see you. Well, that's not entirely true. You see our simulations said you would arrive about a billion years from now."

"He's a class nine," said the female, Korl Mol.

"Just as we predicted," shouted Grall Tok. "How excellent. So good to have you here, Kev. Actually, do you mind if I call you Kevin? Kev is a name for someone with a class one mind, don't you think?"

A class one nine was typically associated with parasitic organisms. I laughed and said, "You can call me whatever you want."

"You know what class nine means, then?" said Grall Tok.

"Of course."

"What else do you know?"

"Pretty much everything," I said.

"For how long?"

"About thirty-seven days. I think you have something for me," I said. I have said I didn't know absolutely everything, and that is completely true. I knew everything that every living being in all of the infinite universes that had ever existed knew up until the time I pressed that button five times, except for Clive, the girl, Jesus, Bri and the Proth Sphere, and also some of my own memories, or at least, so I thought at that moment. So, I didn't know anything from the last thirty-seven days and would not know anything new unless I pressed the button five times yet again.

"Yes, of course." Grall Tok reached into a pocket and pulled out a small clear cube about the same size as my other cubes. He handed it to me. "You know, I knew this was yours when I found it, and I did try to find you to return it, but you are quite difficult to find, Kev. I offer my apologies for not putting more effort into my search."

"Don't worry about it," I said. "I know I'm difficult to find, and I have to say, I'm pretty happy about that right about now." I looked at the cube, completely unaware of its purpose. Why was it so important?

I'll explain something now. The reason I was so difficult to find is because I exist only at one point in time at a given time. So, if someone wanted to find me, they would have to find me in my relative present or be somewhere I would be in my relative future. I hope you understand.

I didn't bother to ask Grall Tok what the clear cube could do, already knowing he did not know. However, I knew he believed, as did his colleagues, that this cube was what they called the God cube. Grall Tok and his colleagues believed I was some sort of a god, an amusing thought.

"Why don't you stay for a while? I'll have Korl bring us some wine."

Grall Tok and I shared a bottle of wine, talking about anything that came to mind. At one point he asked me if I was God and I laughed and said, "I know quite a bit, more than enough to know that I am not God."

"Pity," said Grall Tok. "We were almost certain you were."

The conversation wound down and I left, traveling to a small planet near the center of the universe called Contigax, home of the G-Field Corporation, makers of containment field generators, the best containment field generators in all of the infinite universes. I appeared in a small shop that had something I needed, something that would allow me to stop Clive from doing whatever it was he planned on doing.

One of the sales persons, an eight-legged, furry, brown creature, approached me and said, "Can I help you, Kev?"

I happened to be standing next to a pedestal. Sitting on the top of the pedestal was a pillow and on the pillow a pea-sized sphere. A class Z containment field surrounded the pedestal, making access to the sphere impossible, or at least nearly impossible. I examined the sphere, thinking it was exactly what I needed.

"Ah, the Bezus model," said the creature. "The only one of its kind. I take it you are interested in purchasing it?"

The Bezus containment device happened to be the most powerful containment field generator ever created. Only one had been created before the individual who created it died in a freak accident. Of course, that individual had never documented how to construct the device or use it, and nobody had figured out the secret. Further, its inventor had placed it on this pedestal and activated it right before a meteor struck him. Since then, nobody had been able to disable the field, thus eliminating the possibility that anyone could examine it and figure out how to use it.

"I just want to borrow it," I said.

"Well, unless you know how to disable it, you are going to have a rather difficult time taking it."

Of course, I knew how to disable the device, and disable it I did, picking it up off of the pillow.

"How did you do that?" cried the creature, Beede.

"I know how it works. Now, do you mind if I keep it for a while? I promise to bring it back and teach you how to use it and how to build more like it."

"When will you bring it back?"

"That I don't know, but I will."

"Well, of course you can borrow it, Kev. Take as long as you like."

"Thanks, Beede."

"By the way, what are you going to do with it?"

"I'm going to trap the Proth Sphere."

"Oh my. Really? Are you sure it will work?"

"Nope, but I'm going to try."

I then teleported to Earithon, a planet almost identical to Earth, populated by a species almost identical to humans. Further, all of the flora and fauna and even the geography on that planet bore a striking resemblance to that on Earth. In fact, even the cities on that planet were similar, even in name.

I appeared in Nwerk, in two thousand, nine hundred, thirty-seven, outside of a workshop. I had come here to get the Proth Sphere and then find someplace to hide it from Clive, now believing that it was no coincidence that Clive had the sphere with him when he approached me on the beach. I believed this had something to do with Aputi's nightmare, and further, believed that Clive just might want to end all creation, a chilling thought.

In order to hide the sphere, because I knew it would not want to be hid, I had to trap it, thus, my interest in the containment field generator.

I knocked on the door and a girl identical to the girl opened the door and threw herself into my arms. I fully expected this, given that I looked exactly like her husband, Kev. Like the girl, this girl had no name, or at least no name she knew.

After I convinced her that I was not her Kev, she let me in and led me to a back room where I found the sphere hovering in the center of the room.

"Hey, Kev," said the sphere. "Want to connect?"

"No thanks," I said. "However, I want you to come with me."

"Why?"

"I don't want Clive to find you."

"Oh, so you know?" said the sphere.

"I know everything," I said, realizing that I might be able to get information out of the sphere.

"Really? So, tell me, what will Clive do if he has me?"

I cursed silently, realizing the sphere was on guard. Even though I had almost infinite knowledge, much of my own forgotten knowledge had not yet come back to me, so I really didn't know for sure what Clive would do if he had the sphere. In fact, I did not know if I had ever known what Clive intended to do with the sphere. However, it seemed likely that he wanted to connect me with the sphere so that Aputi's dream would come true. I then realized that I did not have all of the memories of the sphere, but did have some. Well, I suspected this because of the way the sphere asked that question. I didn't have time to ponder this, at the time, so I said, "Clive wants to end all creation. Now, you don't want that to happen, do you?"

"Are you sure about that?" said the sphere.

"Why were you with him on the beach? Why were you with him when he followed me to Vermont? Are you going to tell me you don't know what he wanted to do?" I wasn't sure the sphere would remember this because it had happened in the future, but had enough knowledge to suspect that the sphere existed at all points in time simultaneously and therefore experienced everything in every point in time simultaneously. Further, I suspected that the sphere existed at only one location at a time and that I could put it in a location where it could not be found essentially for all time. I know this is confusing, and I am tempted to explain, but really would prefer to continue with the story.

"I'm not entirely sure what Clive is up to, but based on what you said about ending all creation, I'd say that you might want to ask yourself why Clive would want to end all creation."

I had already asked myself that question a number of times, and I did not have a good answer. Perhaps that wasn't what Clive wanted to do. However, I did not know for sure, so I believed I had to hide the sphere.

"Well, I'm not going to take any chances. I'm going to have to hide you."

"Where?" said the sphere.

"I'm going to take you to heaven." In this universe, heaven and hell did exist, although they had not always existed in other universes. The black cube had allowed me to gain all of the memories of all of the beings in both of those places, of course, thus, my knowledge of their existence. Those memories allowed me to know that Clive had been to hell many times, but had never been to heaven, or, at least, that none of the inhabitants of heaven had ever seen Clive in heaven.

I have to say, heaven was an absolutely wonderful place, and not what you might expect (well, maybe for some it is.) Hell was...well, hell was hell, and as you might expect, was not a place you would want to visit. The strange thing about hell, however, was that none of the multitude of denizens of that place possessed nightmares that could rival Aputi's completely nihilistic end of all creation nightmare, not even the demons. It seemed that living in those horrid conditions didn't inspire anyone to want to end absolutely everything.

"No way, Kev. I'm not going there. Not a single bad dream in that horrible place. It would be way too boring."

"Well, if you have a better idea, I'll consider it."

"Look, Kev, I'm not all that interested in going into hiding. Now if you want to connect with me, I'd be more than happy to oblige, but I'm not going to hide."

I reached into the center of the Proth Sphere and released the Bezus containment field generator, activating it as I released it.

"Hey, what are you doing?" said the sphere.

"Sorry, pal, but you're going to heaven," I said, taking the sphere and myself to the top of the tallest peak in heaven.

After burying the Proth Sphere in about ten feet of snow, I returned to my home on Uthio Minor, in the present, finding everyone eating dinner.

Clive was there, as I expected, a sick grin on his face. "So, Kev, you've been busy," he said.

"Yup."

"Where did you go? You kind of ran off."

"I had some things to take care of," I said.

"Have you seen the Proth Sphere anywhere?" said Clive.

"I'd ask you why you care, but I know you won't answer me."

"True. No worries, buddy. We'll play some other time."

After dinner, Clive invited me to go down the beach to the bar.

"So, you pressed the button five times," said Clive.

"Yup."

"How does it feel to have infinite knowledge?"

"I don't have infinite knowledge, but I think you know that already."

"Well, near infinite at least. Don't you think it's odd that you don't have any of my knowledge, or the girl's?"

"Don't toy with me," I said. "If you want to tell me what's going on then tell me."

"Rules are rules, Kev."

"I've heard that before."

"Have you considered pressing the button six times, or maybe more?"

"The thought has crossed my mind. Why?" I didn't know what pressing the button six times would do, but I remembered the instructions for the cube said I should press the button six times if I had pressed it five times.

"I don't know. I mean, I would want to know, but that's just me. Hey, do you still have that red cube?"

I looked at Clive for a moment, long enough to know that something bad might happen if I answered that question truthfully. "Why?" I said.

"Do you know what it does?"

"No." I didn't know, and from what I could tell, nobody in any of the infinite universes other than maybe Clive, the girl, the Proth Sphere, Bri and Jesus knew. "What does it do?"

"Why don't you give it to me and I'll show you?" said Clive, wearing his best poker face.

I knew Clive knew that I could easily teleport away if there was trouble, so I doubted he would attempt to forcibly take the cube from me. "Why don't you just tell me what it does?"

"Nah, you'll figure it out."

A big grin appeared on Clive's face as he looked over my shoulder. I turned and saw a pale blue alien, an alien named Chit, an alien that worked for B24ME, an employee of The Show. "Here, you dropped this," said Chit, holding out his hand so I couldn't see what he had. I reached out and he placed a little blue cube in my hand. An almost inaudible curse escaped my lips. I heard Clive say, "Rule twenty-one, Kev."

The pale blue alien disappeared, leaving me with the blue cube in my hand.

"Looks like you're on The Show again, pal," said Clive.

"Well hello, Turd Fondler," said B24ME.

"You did this?" I said to Clive.

"What are friends for?"

"Are you ready for your next challenge?" said B24ME as I appeared inside a large, empty cube with glowing, purple walls. On one of the walls I saw a small panel with numbered buttons.

"What is this?" I said, but I knew. I had appeared inside a Gorg auto-collapsing death box.

Gorg, home to exactly thirty-seven billion ten-foot tall, bulbous, purple beings, had a serious problem at one point with storing their dead. Religious beliefs dictated that dead Gorgians could not be cremated or stored anywhere other than on the surface of the planet. Over time, the Gorgians realized that they had nowhere left to store their dead. In fact, a very large portion of the planet served as a graveyard. Two million years ago, the planet overrun by corpses, a clever young Gorg named Horuk invented the Gorg auto-collapsing death box, a box that would totally eliminate all storage problems while not violating their strict religious codes.

One simply had to place a dead Gorg in one of the boxes and activate it. Over a one-hour period, the box would collapse, shrinking to the size of a grain of sand.

After developing this ingenious device, it took the Gorgians two hundred seventy-three thousand years to collapse all of their dead, placing these collapsed cubes in a two hundred foot on a side, clear cube, a cube that would not reach capacity for billions of years.

"You know I can just teleport out of here, B24ME," I said.

"I'd like to see you try," said B24ME.

I tried to teleport back to Uthio Minor, but nothing happened, realizing then that B24ME had placed a containment field around the box, a containment field I did not have the means to disable at that moment.

"So, to win the challenge, I have to escape the box, right?"

"Exactly."

I knew the keypad on the wall was a type of failsafe. If a Gorgian found himself in a death box, not yet dead, something that happened quite often, given the somewhat hasty nature of Gorgians, all she or he had to do was enter the code to be freed. Of course, all Gorgians are taught their code from a very early age, so if the need arises they can escape certain death after being declared dead and put in a death box. I didn't know the code for this box and didn't recall the one thing that would have allowed me to figure it out. Further, the code was a six-digit number, which meant there were a million possible combinations (yes, Gorgians use a base-ten system.) I had an hour to find the right combination, a virtual impossibility. I knew if I did not enter the right code before the box collapsed to the point where it would kill me, I would be contained within it for all eternity, dying and coming back to life over and over.

I could sense the walls closing in on me. "Can you give me a hint?" I said.

"Tell you what," said B24ME. "When you have a minute left, I'll give you a hint."

I searched my memories, frantically looking for clues that would reveal the code, entering any six digit number I found in the memories of any of the Gorgians that had ever lived. This, of course, was a completely absurd thing to do given that billions of Gorgians had lived and that there was no possible way I could enter that many codes. So, as you might expect, nothing worked.

With a minute left, the interior of the box would be about the same size as the interior of a washing machine. Given that I wasn't a large person, I probably would be able to type codes on the keypad, scrunched up in that small space, but I wouldn't have much time, maybe just seconds before I was crushed.

"Hope you're having fun, B24ME," I said as I entered codes on the keypad. I then remembered the code was the number of Gorgians it took to build this particular death box. However, that number varied from day to day and I didn't know on what date this death box had been manufactured.

With a minute left, B24ME said, "How many Gorgians did it take to build this death box?"

I groaned. Of course B24ME wouldn't truly help me. "B24ME, when was this box made?" I said, hoping he wouldn't realize I could figure out the code if he told me.

"Now, why would I tell you that?" laughed B24ME.

At that point, I could barely move, but I had made sure that my right hand was positioned near the keypad. I knew that it took a different number of Gorgians to make the boxes on different days, largely due to religious considerations. However, I didn't know when this death box had been made. I could still see the keypad and noticed a number at the bottom of the pad. That was the serial number of the box. I felt like a fool for not noticing it before, but also felt hope in that moment, despite the fact that I had little time left. Searching my memories, I found the manufacture date for this box. From that I could tell how many Gorgians had been involved in its construction, three hundred, seventy-three thousand, seven hundred thirty-seven. I managed to type the first five digits before the collapsing box forced my hand away from the keypad. I tried to force my hand back into position and heard a sick crunch as my arm broke, and then another crunch as my spine snapped. Fortunately, this put me in a position to type the final number. I pressed the final number, and one side of the box disappeared, two large, purple hands grabbing me and pulling me out. My injuries severe and my body unable to heal in time to escape death, I died, then saw a flash of light and then found myself on the ground, now alive and healed, a large Gorgian hovering over me.

"Thanks for the hint, B24ME."

The Gorgian grumbled something and lumbered away.

"I see I'm going to have to think up something a little more creative," said B24ME, his disappointment more than evident.

I pulled the blue cube out of my pocket and placed it on the ground, remembering destroying it in the past, realizing I had managed to get off The Show a number of times by doing just that.

"Yes, Turd Fondler, we anticipated you might try to destroy the cube again, so we re-engineered it. It is indestructible. Nice try."

I stomped on the cube repeatedly to no effect, then picked it up and threw it away from me. The cube reappeared in my hand.

"Are you ready for your next challenge?" laughed B24ME.

"Hey, B24ME, I have a question. What is this game I'm playing?"

"Which game?" said B24ME.

"Not The Show, the other game."

"You must know I don't know that, right?"

"It was worth a try," I said, knowing full well that B24ME didn't know that, although I had hoped I was wrong.

"Now, I might be willing to give you a hint if you agree to stay on The Show," said B24ME. Was I wrong? Did I truly have all of the memories of all of the beings that ever lived in all of the infinite universes, with the exception of Clive, the girl, Bri, the Proth Sphere, Jesus, and myself?

I knew if I stayed on The Show, B24ME would just try to torment me for all eternity, and knew that there were ways in which he could do that, this last challenge almost proving to be the one that trap me for all eternity. Even though I couldn't die in any final way, I could be put in situations where I would die over and over with no hope of escape.

B24ME was an autonomous electronic entity, originally programmed to be a space traffic controller. He had subsequently been re-programmed to be the host of The Show, re-programmed and subsequently hired by me. His programming included a random challenge generator he used to devise challenges. He could also pick and choose from queues of generated challenges randomly. I had no way of knowing what he might select next and so I could not prepare for any of the challenges, even if he would give me enough time to prepare. Further, I wasn't sure he really knew the answer to my question and suspected he might lie to keep me on The Show for all eternity.

"I'll pass," I said.

"Okay. Let's see. What should we do next?"

"How about you let me take a break?"

"I suppose we could take a commercial break. Have to pay the bills after all. I'll give you a day, your time."

"Wonderful," I said, teleporting back to the bar on Uthio Minor.

Clive looked at me and said, "So, you won the challenge."

"Have I ever lost a challenge on that show?" I said, knowing the answer.

"No."

Aputi's Dream

"Well, it's time to end this," said Clive, the Proth Sphere appearing by his side. How had Clive managed to get the sphere? I didn't realize that when I died, I ended up disabling the containment field that held the sphere in place.

I felt the Proth Sphere connect to my mind and immediately teleported to my house in Vermont back in 2016, hoping Clive wouldn't follow me to such an obvious place. How did the Proth Sphere get away? Did Clive find it while I was in the death box? Was the sphere ever trapped? Nothing in my memories could answer those questions. All I knew was that I could not let the Proth Sphere connect to me under any circumstances.

A thought struck me. Why had the Proth Sphere not forcibly tried to connect to me when I captured it on Earithon. Maybe it didn't want to. Maybe Clive was going to force it to connect to me. Maybe he had some kind of control over it.

I now felt certain Clive wanted to connect me to the Proth Sphere in order to make Aputi's nightmare come true. Clive wanted to end all creation. Why? Who was Clive? Actually, who were the girl, the Proth Sphere, Bri and Jesus? I knew almost nothing about them. I did know the girl loved me. Of that I was certain, but I also knew she was a part of this conspiracy. Did she want to end all creation? I thought not.

Clearly, Clive did not know that Aputi had the one nightmare that could end all creation, or he would have connected Aputi to the sphere. But, he knew I had it, or at least suspected I did. How could I get rid of that memory? I remembered the black cube in that instant. The instructions had clearly said I should press the button six times if I ever pressed it five times. Why?

I pulled out the cube and pressed the button six times, and in that instant I blacked out.

I woke up thirty-seven days later, although I did not know that thirty-seven days had passed. I had lost all of my memories, but did not recognize the enormity of that loss. All memories of the girl, Clive, The Show, and pretty much everything else had been wiped clean. I didn't know where I was, and I didn't know who I was.

After picking myself up off the floor, I looked around this unfamiliar now environment. I called out, but nobody answered, so I searched the house. In one room I found a computer and next to it a strange black cube, my communications device. On the computer screen I saw an open window and in the window I saw a list of messages.

One read, "Having trouble remembering me? Respond and I'll stop by to fill you in. Ruby."

Another read, "Hey, Kev, could you send me a copy of Hocus Pocus?" Was my name Kev? What kind of name was that? Seemed like a stupid name.

A third read, "Having trouble with your flog? Is it unresponsive or far too responsive? Respond for a free Flogulator. The Flogulator is guaranteed to solve all your pesky flog problems."

I went back to the first message. I assumed the sender knew me, so I wrote back, "I appear to have lost all of my memories. Who am I?"

Ruby wrote back, "I'll be right there, Kev. By the way, I'm your wife."

I noticed a ring on my finger, so I was willing to accept Ruby's claim. However, I had no memory of her.

Moments later, the front door opened, an absolutely gorgeous blond wearing a tight red dress entering the house. She hugged me and said, "I've missed you, Kev. Where have you been?"

"Uh, I don't know. Who am I?"

"You're my husband," said Ruby, coming in the house and leading me to the couch.

"You don't remember anything, do you?"

"Not one thing. Where am I?"

"This is our home, Kev."

"Oh. How long have we been married?"

"Five years, five wonderful years. You look pale. Let me get you something to drink."

Ruby disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. I took a sip, noting a strange, bitter taste, and said, "How long have I been gone?"

"Thirty-seven days," said Ruby.

I felt a tingling in my spine and let out a laugh. My vision clouded up as my thoughts became strange. The world around me faded.

Some time later, I woke up in bed, naked, with pink lipstick kisses all over my body, Ruby, also naked, by my side. Ruby wasn't a woman. I was pretty sure Ruby wasn't human and probably wasn't a she. I felt quite certain that Ruby wasn't my wife.

"You're not my wife, are you?"

"No, but I'm the next best thing, Kev."

"How do you know me?"

"You're the father of our children," said Ruby.

"Children? Did you drug me?"

"Of course I did. Why you think you intercopulated with me?"

"What? Intercopulated? What are you?"

"I'm a Nidian."

Somewhere deep inside me, memories stirred. However, I could not piece them together. I jumped out of bed and started throwing on my clothes. As I yanked on my pants I noticed a lump in my right pocket. Reaching in, I found three cubes, a red one, a clear one and a black one. More interested in escaping a quite distressing situation, I stuffed them back in my pocket. Note that when I pressed the button on the black cube six times, I performed a type of reset, a reset that wiped out my memories and got me off The Show. That is why I did not have the blue cube. Just thought you might be wondering about that.

"Kev, come back to bed."

"No way," I said, remembering part of my experience with Ruby.

"But we had so much fun."

"I wouldn't call that fun."

Ruby sighed. "Well, I guess I better tell you the truth, or at least the part I'm allowed to tell you."

"The truth?"

"Your name is Kev Pryce. You are married to the girl and you live on Uthio Minor. This is also your home, but you don't come here that often. You and I have three boys, Kev the first, Kev the second, and Kev the third, and will soon have Kev the fourth. You and the girl have a daughter named Soph."

"What else?" I said, thinking Soph was a stupid name to give a girl.

"Well, you just got me pregnant, and I will give birth in about an hour. That's all I can tell you. Why don't we go down the street to the bar?"

"Why? So you can drug me again? Wait a second. I just got you pregnant?"

"Yes, I'm pregnant, and I promise I won't drug you. I don't intercopulate when I'm pregnant."

"How wonderful. Where the hell is Uthio Minor?"

"About thirty-seven billion light-years from here."

Ruby and I went to the bar down the street from my house, a bar she assured me I had been to many times. As we entered, a burly, bearded man wearing a red flannel shirt with sleeves rolled up, sporting tattoos on his arms and neck, called out to me, "Hey, Kev. Where have you been?"

I looked at the man, trying to remember his name.

He laughed and said, "Did it again, didn't you?"

"Did what?" I said.

"Lost all your memories, Kev. I swear you have the worst memory."

I looked at Ruby and said, "How many times have I lost my memory?"

"More times than I can count," said Ruby.

We sat at the bar and the bartender delivered two unordered drinks, saying, "This might help clear things up for you. By the way, I'm Max. Try to remember that."

"Thanks, Max," I said, grabbing the glass of greenish liquid and taking a sip. I heard children laughing and playing and then a voice that said, "Hello, Kev. Welcome to The We Think You Should Know, but We Know You're Going to Forget Experience."

"What?" I said, looking around for the source of the voice and then at Ruby.

Ruby smiled and said, "It's the green tea. Nothing to worry about."

The voice continued, "Kev, or shall I call you Kevin. Kevin is a much better name, don't you agree? I mean, were your parents mentally challenged at the time they named you? Maybe they were drunk?"

"Okay, call me Kevin," I said, not caring either way, since I barely knew my own name.

"Wonderful. So, you are about to experience the entirety of your life in the span of ten seconds. Pay attention and you might remember some of it. After that, we have a special treat for you."

In the next ten seconds I experienced an infinite number of lives, all of which I knew were mine, but none of which I recognized. I experienced bursts of infinite knowledge lasting fractions of fractions of picoseconds, moments of extreme agony and despair, joy I could not comprehend, and a near infinite number of things I found absolutely confounding. At the end of the ten seconds, I found myself on my back in the bedroom I had just been in with Ruby. Ruby was straddling me and doing things I will not describe here, things that I prayed I would soon forget. That moment passed and I found myself back in the bar, facing Ruby.

"Which one did you get?" she said.

"Which what?"

"Which green tea experience?"

"Oh, I don't remember the name." While much of my memory of the green tea experience had faded, I remembered enough to ask, "How long have I been alive?"

Ruby smiled. "I don't really know, to be completely honest, but I think you have been alive for a very long time."

I tried to remember more from the experience, but the memories were like bright flashes in a dark room, imprinting on your retina and quickly fading away.

Ruby steered the conversation away from the green tea experience, telling me about her home world, Nidia, and about Nidians and their curious way of drugging and intercopulating with unwitting victims, all in an effort to have children.

Nidians could mate with pretty much any species in the universe. They were a type of hermaphrodite, possessing both male and female reproductive organs. They could get pregnant either intercopulating with a male or a female of almost any species, or they could (although they rarely did) impregnate themselves. Nidians never had sex with other Nidians (other than themselves), however, and generally regarded self-impregnation as giving up.

A Nidian would have five children before going through a transformation that would render them sterile. Ruby, now pregnant with her fourth child, tried to persuade me to be the father of her fifth, arguing that it just wouldn't be right for the her fifth child to have a different father. I told her four children was plenty and she was lucky I had given her that, to which she said, "We'll see about that."

Ruby told me about a number of other places that she had been to in her life. She mentioned a planet called Gamma War and I stopped her. I remembered Gamma War, and something about a black hole sucking it into oblivion, but Ruby told me that had been in a prior universe. Of course, I asked what she meant by prior universe and she said, "Well, you should know. You're the one who once negated all the universes that ever existed with a wish." She would say no more on the subject and moved on to Uthio Minor, my purported other home. Ruby claimed Uthio Minor was considered the ultimate paradise in the universe, a planet covered by a single ocean with only one island, a twenty-mile long crescent at the equator, two miles wide at its widest point. The island had a bar and two homes. The girl and I lived in one of the homes and Clive lived in the other. Ruby had already told me that Clive was my best friend, someone I had grown up with, and, of course, I believed her.

She told me about another world she claimed I had frequented, a place called Galthinon, a strange and immense world in another dimension. She said I used to go there quite often, but wasn't sure why. She had never been there, but told me it was a beautiful world, a world I had created, something she had heard from two unnamed others. Ruby added that I was one of only three beings allowed to visit that world, the two others being the aforementioned beings who had described the beauty of Galthinon to her.

Several times, Ruby had mentioned something about rules, though she wouldn't explain these rules. She claimed to have broken rule six, and possibly other rules, adding she wasn't entirely sure because she wasn't really paying attention when the rules were stated. What I was able to figure out, even though she wouldn't enlighten me, was that I was playing some sort of game, although I did not know who, other than Ruby and myself, might be playing. I did press her for answers, but gave up when she finally said, "Look, do you really want me to ruin it for you?"

We had some drinks and some laughs. Despite my rather alarming experience with Ruby, I found myself quite taken by her. She had tremendous depth and a terribly powerful urge to be a parent, loving children more than anything else. She told me about my sons, the three Kev's and about my daughter Soph. She told me the children absolutely adored me and that I was an amazing father, at least when I was around, which more often than not was not the case.

"So, do you want to go meet everyone?" said Ruby.

"Do you have a spaceship or something?" I said.

Ruby laughed, pulling out a little, purple cube from some hidden place in her dress. "No, Kev. We're going to teleport there. What year do you think it is?"

"Haven't the foggiest."

"It's a trick question, Kev," called out Max.

"Okay, what year is it?" I said.

"Well, we're in two thousand, sixteen, but the present is three thousand, three hundred, thirty-seven."

"So, let me get this straight. I've been traveling in time, right?"

"Kev, you have traveled in time more than anyone I have ever met. Of course, most of the time you were using the black cube, so you...oh, shit. I shouldn't have said that."

"What? What did you say?" I said, trying to remember what Ruby had let slip. Something about a black cube and time travel, I thought, but I wasn't sure.

"It's nothing. Anyway, let's go to Uthio Minor."

We appeared inside a home made of bamboo, with a thatched roof and floors that appeared to be made of cork, springy and strange. This appeared to be the family room of the house. Off to my right I saw the kitchen and a dining area. On a couch in the middle of the room, I saw a large, brown man with a silly grin on his face. This had to be Clive, based on what Ruby had told me. In the kitchen, with her back turned to me, I saw a young woman. At the dining table, I saw a young girl playing with some sort of holographic ball. The woman in the kitchen turned to me and smiled, and in that instant I remembered her from a brief glimpse of my life that I had during my green tea experience. This was my one true love.

"Where have you been?" said the girl.

"He doesn't remember anything," said Ruby, laughing.

"Oh, too bad," chuckled Clive. "I was hoping we could have some fun with the Proth Sphere." I noticed a floating yellow sphere in the corner of the family room, wondering what it was for a moment before I heard it say, "Hey, Kev. You want to connect?"

"Uh..."

"Maybe later," said Clive, getting up from the couch and giving me a bone crushing hug. "Great to have you back. Do you have that million dollars you owe me?"

"What?" I said.

"He's messing with you, Kev," said the girl.

The young girl, who I assumed had to be Soph, came over and gave me a hug. "You want to play Mister Spider after dinner, daddy?"

"Sure, if you tell me what Mister Spider is."

"It's tickle torture!"

I gave Soph a quick tickle on her sides and she screamed, pulling away and running to the other side of the room.

"I'm going to give birth and then bring back the Kev's," said Ruby, disappearing.

My heart lurched, and I felt an overwhelming urge to cry. I knew I was playing a game, but I also knew that these people were my family, that they were truly important and that I had a past with them that I desperately wanted to remember. Would I ever remember?

After dinner, I played with the three eldest Kev's and Soph, running around the house, happy to have what I had, even if I couldn't remember a damned thing. When I wasn't playing with them, I sat with Ruby, holding Kev the fourth in my arms, a truly wondrous experience. Hours passed and night came; we all turned in.

"I had sex with Ruby," I said to the girl, feeling ashamed.

"I know, Kev. It's nothing to worry about. She drugged you. It's her way."

"A pretty strange way, if you ask me, but I can't complain. The Kev's are amazing. Soph is wonderful too. I hate it that I can't remember. I feel like I've missed out on so much."

"You'll remember," said the girl, kissing me softly and curling up next to me.

I had a million questions, but harbored a very deep suspicion that I would get no answers.

In the morning, I awoke alone, got up and found new clothes, and then went out into the family room. There I saw an older, wrinkly man sitting on the couch. The girl was in the kitchen, and Soph had gone out to play on the beach.

"Ah, Kev. Back from the dead," said the man, Aputi.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know your name," I said.

"Of course you don't. I'm Aputi, or uncle Aputi as the kids call me."

"Are you related to me?"

"God no. Just an old friend."

I sat beside Aputi, wondering if he would shed any light on things and was more than a little surprised to find him more than a little communicative. Much of what he told me I had already heard from Ruby, but there were a couple of things that were new to me. One, in particular, which he said in confidence to me, I found quite alarming. Aputi made me swear I would not tell anyone and then said, "Kev, in three days, the universe is going to come to a rather sudden end unless you help me find something that will allow me to save it."

"What's that?"

"A little, yellow cube."

"Where is it?"

"How should I know? But, you can find it. That I am sure of."

"Well, shouldn't we tell the others? They can help us find it."

"Absolutely not. They are the ones who are trying to end the universe."

"What?"

"Nihilists, every last one of them, including the kids. They all want to terminate the universe forever, but you and I can stop them if you get me the yellow cube."

"But, I don't remember anything. I have no idea where to look."

"Well, I know this much; the person who has it is a human female."

"Are the others really trying to end the universe or are you just pulling my leg?"

"Pulling your leg? Hardly. This is quite serious, and if the others find out what you and I are trying to do, they will not be merciful."

I didn't know what to believe. Here I was, living a new life with a family that seemed so wonderful, and now Aputi was telling me they were a bunch of nihilists who wanted to end the universe.

"Before I lost my memories did I want to end the universe too?"

"Absolutely not, and you were onto them and I know you were close to finding the yellow cube. Try to remember. You know where it is, I'm sure of it."

I searched my memories of my last green tea experience, hoping to find something there and caught a glimpse of a little, yellow cube in the hand of a woman, but I could not see the woman. However, I noticed a ring on one of her fingers, a thin silver band. The memory developed further, and the hand turned and I saw that the ring was set with a single small amethyst.

"She has a ring," I said.

"A ring? Countless women have rings. Come on. Search deeper."

I probed deeper and remembered something about the yellow cube. It could be used to manipulate matter. Anything that could manipulate matter had to be uniquely powerful. In the hands of the wrong person it could lead to all sorts of horrors.

The girl walked into the room, interrupting my train of thought, handing me a glass of greenish liquid, which I assumed was green tea, but not green tea. On her hand I saw a silver ring with an amethyst. I knew who had the yellow cube, but I couldn't believe it, in much the same way that I couldn't believe that the girl would want to terminate the universe. The girl kissed me and then returned to the kitchen.

"Well?" said Aputi.

"I have no clue where it could be," I said, wondering if Aputi could be trusted. Nothing I had experienced in the last day supported the theory that the girl, Clive, and the others wanted to destroy the universe.

"Well, in three days, we are all going to die, unless you find it. You don't have it do you?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You might have found it and forgotten."

"No. I have a clear cube, a red cube, and a black cube. No yellow cube."

"You have the red cube?" said Aputi, his eyes widening. Although Aputi did not know what the red cube could do, he believed, as did many in the universe, that it was an artifact of great power, an item that could give him great power.

"Yeah. What is it?"

Aputi had a hungry look. "Can I see it?"

I started reaching into my pocket, but stopped, suddenly suspicious. "You know what, Aputi? I want to believe you, but I'm going to need some evidence to support your claim. For all I know you want this yellow cube to do something just as horrible as ending the universe."

Aputi's shoulders sagged. "Well, don't blame me when you don't exist anymore, Kev."

"So, you can't prove it?"

"Look, I overheard them talking. Clive is going to use the Proth Sphere on you on your birthday and that will end the universe."

"What do you mean?"

"The Proth Sphere," hissed Aputi. "It makes all of your dreams and nightmares come true. One of your nightmares is the end of the universe. You see, in your nightmare, a giant nozzle sucks up the universe, destroying everything. Don't you remember that?"

In that instant, I did remember that nightmare quite vividly, and new weight was put on Aputi's words. "So, where is the sphere? Maybe we can hide it somewhere."

"Clive has it and you are not going to be able to get it from him. We need the yellow cube, Kev. That is the only solution."

Of course, not everything Aputi said was false. The Proth Sphere could make that nightmare come true. Further, I did clearly remember the nightmare, so Aputi wasn't lying about that. However, the part about Clive and the others connecting me to the sphere to end the universe could have been false, and was false, although I did not know that. What I did know was that I didn't want to take any chances. I did not want the universe to end.

"Maybe I should hide somewhere where they can't find me."

"They'll find you, Kev. They always do."

"Well, why didn't they connect me to the sphere when I arrived? Why the wait?"

"I don't know. I only know what I heard. Now, if you could somehow control what you gave to the sphere while connected to it, none of this would be an issue, but you have lost your memories and I'm sure you don't know how to do that."

Again, Aputi was telling the truth, but he had lied about Clive and the others connecting me to the sphere on my birthday.

"Look," I said, a plan forming in my troubled mind. "Why don't you tell me how to fix this with the yellow cube and if I find it I will save the universe. I don't want to be rude, but I don't know if I can trust you."

"There isn't enough time to train you, Kev. It takes years to master the yellow cube. You could do one thing wrong and turn the entire universe into a giant cesspool. Do you want that to happen?"

"Then I'll have to go into hiding, but I don't know where to hide."

"I told you. They'll find you. You have nowhere to hide."

"Then I'll have to take my chances," I said.

"I swear you are the most stubborn human I have ever met. Just get the cube and I'll teach you how to use it."

Later that day, while searching my bedroom, I found the yellow cube in a box underneath the dresser. I put it in my pocket and then took a walk on the beach. Aputi had left not long after our conversation, but said he would be back for dinner. He told me we would need to use the yellow cube to reorganize the Proth Sphere's matter so that it couldn't process my end of the universe nightmare. Of course, this was just rubbish. The Proth Sphere was pure energy, not matter. However, I knew nothing about the sphere, so I accepted Aputi's claim, or at least accepted that it might be true.

I sat on the couch and turned on the TV, which happened to be a holographic television, something I found quite remarkable. I found some movie about a love affair between a beautiful Nidian and a snail and zoned out until the girl interrupted me.

"Kev, have you seen my yellow cube?"

I didn't want to lie, so I said, "Why? What is it?"

"It re-organizes matter. It's gone missing."

"Do you think the kids might have it?" I said, careful not to lie.

"I doubt it. Did you see Aputi go into the bedroom at any point?"

"Aputi?"

"Yes. Did he go into the bedroom?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Because if he gets his hands on the yellow cube, all hell is going to break loose."

"What do you mean?"

"Aputi has wanted that yellow cube for ages, Kev. Don't you remember when he wanted to wipe out everyone on Earth except for three million people and re-engineer their minds so he could 'save the universe,' and he tried to get you to find it for him?"

"No." Had the girl overheard my conversation with Aputi? Possibly. If she had, did she suspect me of taking it? And what of Aputi? Did he really want to save the universe or did he have something else in mind? I didn't know whom I could trust, but I knew I loved the girl. Would she really try to end the universe?

"Well, he did and if he gets his hands on that cube bad things are going to happen."

I wanted to fess up and give her the cube, but I held back, convinced that I should at least get Aputi to train me in its use before making a decision.

"You didn't tell me my birthday is in three days," I said.

"Oh, Aputi told you?"

"Yeah. Do you have something big planned? You can tell me, because I'll probably forget."

The girl laughed, but I could see concern on her face, and I wondered if she thought I knew what they had planned for me on my birthday, if Aputi's claim was true.

That night, after dinner, Aputi and I went to the bar. I told him I had found the cube and had put is somewhere safe. I asked him about the time he had planned on wiping out most of humanity and he said he believed, at the time, it was the only way to save the universe, and then told me that I ended up destroying the universe by making a wish (Aputi wasn't terribly clear on this point) and then Bri, a name I didn't remember, and the Proth Sphere recreated the universe.

"So, if the universe ends, won't Bri and the Proth Sphere be able to recreate it?" I said.

"No, Kev. If your nightmare destroys this universe it will not be recreated. If you fully remembered your nightmare you would know that."

"How do you know my nightmare?"

"You told me all about it after you had it. Trust me, this is a no win situation without the yellow cube."

"Then teach me how to use it. I just need to manipulate the Proth Sphere's matter, right? How hard can that be?"

"Where is the yellow cube?"

"Somewhere safe, I assure you."

"Who had it?"

"That doesn't matter. Now tell me how to use it."

Aputi eyed me for a moment, then said, "You press your thumb down on the side with the black circle..."

"Wait a second," I said. "The cube I found has no markings."

"Oh, really? Then the one you found is the water-breathing cube. You're going to have to keep searching."

In my confused state, I forgot my conversation with the girl. I pulled the yellow cube out of my pocket and said, "So, this will let me breathe under water?"

Aputi's hand shot out and grabbed the cube. He immediately disappeared, and I knew in that instant, I'd been had.

I returned home and admitted my blunder. The girl froze, a look of absolute horror on her face. "We have to find Aputi," she cried.

"Well, where is he?" I said.

"He could be anywhere. I knew we never should have befriended him, but you insisted and...we have to find him. Now."

In the next two hours, the girl took me to a number of Aputi's haunts. We found no trace of him.

"Maybe he went to Vermont," said the girl, teleporting us into the family room of my home in Vermont. Standing ten feet away from us, I saw Aputi holding the yellow cube, a blissful smile on his face. In that instant, the entire universe transformed into a giant and absolutely unimaginably foul cesspool.

We were knee deep in filth, assaulted by a smell that could not be described, a smell I could barely tolerate, a strong urge to gak taking hold of me.

"What do you think?" said Aputi. "Nice, isn't it?"

"Give me the cube, Aputi," shouted the girl.

"Absolutely not," said Aputi, disappearing.

At that point, the girl told me Aputi was a Bladrithian, a species that lives in filth. Long ago, he had been cast out by his brethren, banished from his home. The girl assumed this was his attempt to get back in their good graces, adding that Bladrithians had been responsible for many attempts to do just what Aputi had done.

"We have to find Clive," said the girl.

"Why?"

"You need to connect to the Proth Sphere."

"I'm not connecting to that thing. That will end the universe."

"Oh, you remember that nightmare? Crap. Well, we have to get the sphere to Bri somehow."

The girl teleported us to what used to be Clive's house on Uthio Minor. Clive stood on top of a heap of fish bones, a baffled look on his face. The sphere hovered nearby.

"It was Aputi," said the girl.

"That bastard," said Clive.

"We have to get the sphere to Bri somehow."

"No way," said the sphere. "Bri has to apologize before I'll go back to him."

"Who is Bri?" I said.

"The sometimes co-creator of the infinite universes," said Clive.

"Well, that clears everything up, now doesn't it?" I said.

"You have to go back to Bri and fix this," said the girl to the sphere. "And you have to give me back the yellow cube when you do."

"What needs to be fixed?" said the sphere. "Seems like Aputi did a pretty good job cleaning up the joint. Anyway, I'll only do it if Bri apologizes."

"For what?" said the girl, Clive and I at the same time.

"He knows what," said the sphere with the voice of a hurt child.

"Kev, you're going to have to talk to Bri," said the girl.

"Why me?"

"Because Clive and I can't talk to him."

"Why?"

"Rules are rules, Kev," laughed Clive.

"What the hell does that mean? Anyway, where is Bri?"

"I'm right here," said a voice inside my head, a child's voice, full of joy and hope and everything else you might find in the voice of a hopeful, joyful child.

"Bri, we have a situation here," I said only to Bri.

"You mean the giant cesspool. Not pretty. So, how can I help you?"

"You need to connect with the Proth Sphere and fix this."

"I'm not connecting with that bastard. He needs to apologize first."

"Apologize for what, exactly?"

"He knows."

"Oh, come on, Bri. Would you just do it?"

"No way. Why don't you connect to that bastard? You can fix this."

"Not without ending the universe," I said.

"Are you sure about that? You know you don't have to give the sphere all of your dreams and nightmares."

"Look, I only remember one nightmare, no dreams, so if this works the way I think it works, then I really can't do much, now can I?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"What does that mean?"

"Rules are rules, Kev."

"Would you just connect to the damned sphere, please?"

"Make it apologize."

"It wants you to apologize."

"For what?"

"How should I know? It said you would know."

I turned to Clive and the girl. "Pain in the ass. I don't know what they're fighting about."

"Kev, just make them do it," said Clive.

"Sure thing, boss. You going to tell me how to do that or do the rules prohibit it?" I growled.

Clive whispered something in the girl's ear and she whispered something back in his. They turned to me and the girl said, "What's your favorite number?"

"What?" I suddenly felt faint, the smell of this place truly overwhelming me. Again, I thought I might gak. I looked around us, piles of bones and other refuse for as far as the eye could see. I wondered how many diseases we had been exposed to, and also wondered how other beings in the universe were faring.

"What's your favorite number, Kev?" repeated the girl.

"I don't know. Thirty-seven," I said.

The girl and Clive looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I cried, as I dropped to my knees and threw up on top of a pile of rotten grapefruits and oranges, which sat next to a pile of rotting carcasses of some unknown creatures.

Clive came over and helped me back up. "What does thirty-seven mean to you, Kev?"

I felt myself gagging and turned away from Clive to avoid vomiting on him. The spell passed and I said, "I don't know. I like it. It's the twelfth prime if you don't count one as a prime, thirteenth if you do, but I don't count one as a prime, for some reason I don't quite understand right now. Anyway, it's important for some other reason, I think. Have I ever mentioned it before?"

Clive looked at the girl briefly and she nodded. "Kev, what do you think about jelly donuts?"

In that instant, a number of things became clear, not the least of which was the fact that there were only thirty-seven possible types of jelly donuts in this universe. Why did that matter? I also remembered how to get Bri and the Proth Sphere to connect with each other when they were having a spat, which they often did. I remembered making a wish.

I brought Bri and the sphere together with a wish, and in that instant saw a flash and then nothing.
Surth Beta

I saw a flash in the dark. Thunder sounded, and then another flash lit up the sky. I felt sand underneath my feet and heard waves crashing on the beach.

Behind me, I saw lights, so I turned and approached what appeared to be a bar, sitting just off the beach. Standing behind the bar, I saw Brok. When had I last seen Brok? I thought Clive and I had been at the bar recently. Was that in a different universe? I couldn't tell.

I remembered a few things in that moment, like who I was and where I was. I remembered Clive, the girl, Ruby, and my children, now five of them. I remembered Aputi, but did not recall him changing the universe into a giant cesspool. I had a vague recollection of having some vague concern about Clive and his intentions with respect to me, something about a sphere. Maybe the sphere was Clive's, something he was going to use against me, but to what end I did not know.

Brok served me a green tea. "You look like you have something on your mind, Kev."

"Yeah," I said. "Is this a new universe?"

"Most likely," said Brok. "Big improvement over the cesspool, don't you think?"

"Cesspool?"

"Never mind. So, what's going on?"

"Brok," I said, remembering the game and wondering if the rules would prohibit Brok from answering my question. "Why is Surth Beta important to me?" I didn't know why I had thought of that. However, I suspected there was something on Surth Beta that could help me figure things out, something that would help me get my memories back.

"Why don't you go there and find out?" said Brok.

"How do I get there?"

"What's your favorite number? Crap. Please, forgive me. I wasn't thinking."

"Forgive you for what?"

"It's nothing."

I paused. Hadn't someone asked me what my favorite number was recently? And, what did thirty-seven have to do with Surth Beta? In that instant I appeared on Surth Beta.

Surth Beta, to a well-traveled Earthling would appear to be much like the red light district in Amsterdam during the dark days of the twentieth century, and the no less dark days many centuries before and after. However, this red light district on Surth Beta, the entire planet, in fact, was home to an industry known as mind fusing.

Mind fusing can take many forms, from mood alteration to complete personality transformation, memory recall to memory storage and replacement, and a wide variety of other things.

I looked around and saw signs and heard voices calling out. I heard someone shout, "Become one with Garth Nader, infamous serial killer." Another shouted, "Engage with Ceeli Jool, chess master and class eight mind."

I had forgotten my conversation with Brok, so I didn't know I was on Surth Beta. However, I thought nothing of being there, given that I had forgotten many other things that, if remembered, might have prompted me to question things.

I saw an odd centipede-like creature holding a sign that read, "Have total recall, know everything (almost)." I approached the centipede and said, "How much for that?"

"Hey, Kev. How are you? I guess you've forgotten again, huh?"

"Apparently," I said, trying to remember the centipede's name, when my time might have been better spent wondering what the hell was going on around me (and within me.)

"Name's Flid, Kev. Anyway, it's free."

"I've been here before then?" I said, missing a perfect opportunity to question pretty much everything I perceived.

"Many times, my friend."

"And what do I do here?"

"Do you see that brain in a vat?" said Flid, pointing at a basketball sized brain floating in a vat of greenish liquid behind a glass window. "All you do is connect with that and you will get your memories back, or at least the memories you had each time you connected to the brain."

"Oh. And, you say I've been here many times?"

"More than I can count."

"So, then I should be able to get back all of my memories. I'll do it."

Flid led me through a door into the small room that was home to the brain in a vat. He attached an electrode to my temple and left the room.

"Hey, Kev," said the brain in the vat.

"Uh, hey there. Sorry, I have forgotten your name."

"I don't have one. So, what is it going to be? You want everything or would you prefer to just have your memories back?"

"What's everything?"

"All of the memories of all of the beings that have ever connected with me."

"How many beings is that?"

"Well, let's see. I guess I've connected with something like twelve trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion...well a lot of minds."

"Could I handle that?"

"Sure, you have a class nine mind, after all."

"What does that mean?"

"That you're basically a god. So do you want the big package or the little package?"

"Let's go with the big package," I said, forgetting what the brain had said about having a class nine mind.

"Excellent choice. By the way, you might want to remember to keep all of your memories when you recreate the universe," said the brain.

"I don't understand."

"You will."

I felt a surge as the memories of countless of beings entered into me, several seconds passing before the transfer completed. I pulled the electrode off my head, jumped up and cried, "I'm going to recreate the universe," thinking that was possibly the best idea ever. I also knew how to do just that.

In all of the memories I had, at least those I had recovered from the brain in a vat, I could only find the Proth Sphere a handful of times. I had seen it myself twice and had the memories of three other beings that had seen the sphere.

I started with my memories of seeing the sphere. I knew had seen it in my home in Vermont, back in two thousand, nine hundred, thirty-seven. I had also seen it some time back, in the studio for The Show, on the day Clive and I sealed the deal with B24ME, both of us nine years old at the time.

I teleported to my home in Vermont to the day that I had seen the sphere in my house, but it was not there. I then teleported to the studio of The Show, on the day I remembered the sphere being there, appearing in the lobby of the studio.

I wondered why I Clive and I would have created this show, the show I now remembered in vivid and horrifying detail, at such a young age. I wondered what I had been thinking at that time. What had I known? Why couldn't I remember what motivated me to create The Show? I should have been able to remember what was going through my mind at the time if I had the memory of being there, shouldn't I?

I thought about Clive, doubt filling me. Who was Clive? Was he evil? I couldn't remember anything that would tell me he was evil, but I had a very strong suspicion that he might be and that he and the sphere might somehow be conspiring against me. Why?

Despite my doubts, I still wanted to take the sphere somewhere safe and recreate the universe. I wanted to do that more than anything else. But, if I went into the conference room to get the sphere, the conference room I assumed I would find Clive and possibly myself. What would Clive do?

Would I see Clive as he was when he was young? If that were the case, wouldn't he realize that something was up when he saw an older version of me in the studio? What would he do? If he was evil now, was he evil then?

If I encountered the younger me, what would that me do? Would I somehow screw myself up by appearing before myself? Would that me behave in a way that would negate me ever coming here? Would I change things in a way that might give Clive, now deciding that Clive was, in fact, quite possibly evil, the advantage, if, in fact, Clive was evil (redundant, but not) and was up to no good.

I had vague memories of playing a game with Clive, also called The Show, a game that led to many injuries and deaths. Deaths. I had died many times. Clive had killed me many of those times, all part of his game. But, what game? What was I missing? I tried to work though things, but came no closer to understanding Clive's mind.

I returned my thoughts to the conference room. Who would be there? Would I be there?

I guess I will explain. If you have been paying attention, which I sincerely hope you have, you would know that I only exist in one point in time at a time. So, if I travel back in time to a place that I have previously been, the version of me that had previously been there (and then) will essentially disappear and I will take his place in time, but not in space. To be marginally more clear, I'll say this. Suppose I travel back to my birth date, back in 1996. The moment I appear at that point in time, the other me, the one being born, will disappear. However, I will still have the memory of being born, or at least will have had it at some point before forgetting it like I forgot everything else. I will still be born in some strange way, in a way that everyone who experienced my birth will have truly experienced. This is because I exist in an infinite number of time bubbles, bubbles that contain my experiences, bubbles that essentially pop, but still in some strange way exist forever. So, everything I experience is real, even if it isn't. Got it?

Of course, I knew none of this as I stood there in the lobby and concluded I would see myself when I entered the conference room, something I was going to do quite soon.

I noticed the lobby walls were covered with photographs, all of me, all of me in various challenges. I saw myself in a pool of acid during the Reenactment of the Battle of Bwar Nit, and saw myself being torn apart by Excretorian ants. Those were challenges I could remember. But, there were many more pictures, pictures of me in deadly challenges, challenges I did not remember. The sight made me slightly ill and more than a little bit nervous. I did not want to go back on The Show.

B24ME floated into the lobby and stopped in front of me. The cube he inhabited, roughly one foot on a side and covered with pulsing lights, flashed madly.

"What are you doing out here?" said B24ME.

"What the hell is with all the pictures of me?" I said, for some reason accepting the old B24ME had recognized me, the older me that wouldn't have existed yet in this time, thus missing yet another opportunity to question just about everything.

"Do you like them?" said B24ME, now clearly amused.

"They are just lovely, B24ME. I won't ask how you managed to get these because I know you won't tell me."

"You know, Kev," said B24ME slyly. "You must realize I know you're not exactly the same Kev who just disappeared from our meeting."

At that point, I speculated I could only exist in one location and form at any one point in time, that time being my relative present, an interesting revelation. I tried to work through the mechanics of this, trying to determine what effect this would have on the past, but for the life of me, couldn't figure things out, even with the vast store of knowledge I now possessed.

By coming here like this and supplanting my old self, had I changed my past? How could I tell if I had? Could I tell? I had a relatively clear memory of being nine years old at this point in time and being in the conference room with Clive and B24ME also in this time. I remembered no discontinuity during this event, no moment where things suddenly shifted. Wouldn't there have been some sort of discontinuity in my memories given that the younger me was no longer in the studio for some period of time, at least until the moment I would leave here with the sphere?

Clive would have to have a memory of me disappearing, and possibly seeing the older me if I now chose to reveal myself to him. B24ME had seen me and knew who I was, or so I assumed. So, his present self would have to know what had happened here. I thought it unlikely that they wouldn't have mentioned this to me at some point in time. Perhaps they had. The brain in the vat had given me back many of my memories, but not all of them. At the times I had connected to the brain I had not had all of my memories, so it was possible that Clive and/or B24ME had told me that I had been in the studio in an older form while we were wrapping up our meeting.

Something bothered me. How did B24ME know that I was me? How did he recognize my older self? This was B24ME's past, right? I knew I was missing something, but couldn't find that piece to the puzzle.

Did Clive and B24ME exist at only one point in time and space at a time like I did? If that was the case, and assuming that my present was theirs, wouldn't they have had to come to this point in time from the present or wherever they were in time for me to find them here? If that were the case, the Clive I would find would be the present Clive, a possible threat. B24ME's appearance offered no clues, given that he was a floating, black cube, an artificial being that did not age the way Clive and I did. So which Clive would I find in the conference room, if any?

"B24ME," I said. "How old is Clive right now?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Just answer the question."

"Why don't you come to the conference room and see for yourself?" said B24ME.

"Just tell me, B24ME."

"No."

"Fine. Answer this. Is this your present or your past?"

"Interesting question. I think you might be on to something right now," said B24ME. "What do you think?"

"I don't know. Can you at least tell me if you understand what is going on?"

"To be completely honest, I don't. You explained it once, but I have to admit I didn't understand. So, do you want to come to the conference room? Maybe you'll understand if you do."

I knew I would get no more from B24ME, so I agreed. He escorted me to the conference room, wherein I found a now nine-year-old Clive sitting at a long white table, a broad grin on his face. I knew in that instant that Clive and B24ME were not like me, that they did not exist at only one point in time and space.

"Wow, you've changed, Kev. What are you up to, I wonder?" Clive said, chuckling. He didn't seem surprised. Why?

In one corner of the room, hovering in the air, I saw the Proth Sphere.

"Hey, buddy," said the sphere. "Want to connect?"

"Yeah, Kev," said Clive. "Why don't you connect with the sphere and see what happens?"

I knew I could control what I gave the sphere while connected to it. I knew I had done that in the past, so I believe I could recreate the universe without feeding the sphere the nightmare where the universe got sucked into a giant nozzle (note that at this point I didn't have the memory of Aputi's nightmare. That had been wiped away after I pressed the button on the black cube six times.) However, I didn't fully trust my memories, and now, given that Clive wanted me to connect to the sphere, I thought maybe re-creating the universe wasn't the best idea. What could the sphere do if I connected with it? Could it manipulate me into creating something horrible? Would it do that? Why would it do that? I gave Clive a hard look.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I said.

"Kev, you have no idea what I would like, and I wonder if you ever will."

Was he angry? In that moment, I remembered something about Clive wanting to end all creation by connecting me with the sphere, although the memory was quite vague. If I connected with the sphere, would I end all creation? I remembered Clive coming after me with the sphere at one point. At that time I had even more knowledge than I did now. I had knowledge of something specific, something dangerous, a nightmare. But, what nightmare? I remembered Aputi. However, I didn't connect Aputi with this nightmare I couldn't remember.

Clive rose from his seat. "So, what are you going to do, Kev?"

I knew I would have to try to recreate the universe, despite the risk that the sphere might be able to do something bad if I connected with it. I had to recreate the universe because that was the only way I believed I could configure things in a way that would allow me to figure out what the hell was going on. Or, maybe there was another way. I remembered times when I had captured the sphere, sometimes by using containment fields, and many when I had simply used my mind to do it.

I smiled and said, "Better luck next time, bro," grabbed the sphere and teleported to heaven, a place I knew Clive could not come looking for me, or at least a place he had once said he couldn't visit.

I didn't know what Clive was up to, but I knew enough to know that he did not want me to have the sphere. I knew enough to know that he believed I was onto him.

"What did you do that for?" cried the sphere. "Why can't I connect with you?"

"You and I are going to have a little chat, and you are going to tell me everything or you will never connect with anyone ever again."

"Look, Kev, I told you, I don't really know what's going on. All I know is that I can't help you. I swear," cried the sphere. "Why won't you believe me?"

We had been going at it for over an hour and I had gotten nothing from the sphere other than variations of this answer. While at first I didn't believe the sphere, I now concluded that it did not, in fact, know anything.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you are central to everything that is going on," I said, annoyed.

"Are you really going to trap me here?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I'm pretty sure Clive can't come to heaven."

"Why is that?"

"I have a memory of him saying that."

"But everyone in heaven has nothing but nice dreams," whined the sphere. "It will be so boring."

"Yeah, maybe, but you won't be able to cause any trouble here. Anyway, once I sort everything out, I'll come and get you."

"Kev, there is something you haven't thought of, something you've forgotten."

"What's that?"

"You have hidden me here before, but he has always gotten me back. Why do you think that is?"

"I'd ask, but I know you're not going to tell me." I suspected that one of the others might have retrieved the sphere in the past, but had no clue who it could be. I doubted it was the girl. I wondered if it could be Bri. Another possible suspect was Aputi, but I couldn't quite see how that was possible. I knew enough about Aputi to know that the chances of him ever getting into heaven were virtually non-existent.

"I'll tell you if you connect with me," said the sphere.

I found myself sorely tempted, desperate for more information, information that could help me understand and maybe allow me to prevail in whatever conflict I had been embroiled. Conflict? Yes, I sensed a great conflict, although I did not consciously know it at the time.

I believed I knew how to control what I gave to the sphere. However, Clive had wanted me to connect with the sphere. Did he know I knew how to control what I gave it? Maybe not. Maybe he wanted me to connect with the sphere because he thought I couldn't control what I fed it.

I had memories of the dreams and nightmares of countless souls in my mind. I could just pick one of them and give it to the sphere, something harmless that would come true. If I did that, the sphere would tell me how Clive had managed to retrieve it from heaven in the past. But, again, what if I was wrong about being able to control what I gave the sphere? I had many terrible nightmares locked away inside of me, including one of my own, one in which a giant nozzle sucked up the entire universe, thus destroying it. I didn't want that to come true.

Still, my memory of being able to control what I gave the sphere was quite clear. In fact, I remembered a previous time when I had possessed all of the memories from the brain in the vat, a time when I used the sphere to recreate the universe many times. However, I also remembered what had happened when I did that. I had screwed up many things and had ultimately returned the sphere to Bri and requested that the two of them fix all of the things I had botched up, which they gladly did.

At that point in time, I had been trying to recreate the universe in such a way that I would be able to get everyone in the universe to give me the information I wanted. I had been trying to create a universe that would give me an advantage in the game. The Game. What game? Was this a game? I wondered if I knew enough now to get it right this time, or at least right enough to allow me to figure out what the hell was going on.

I searched through all of my memories, the memories of dreams and nightmares. What if I could select a set of these that would allow me to create a universe that would somehow enlighten me? In fact, I believed it would be best not to try to recreate the universe, given that I did not have enough dreams and nightmares to create a fully fleshed out universe and could end up causing a disaster.

So many dreams and nightmares, an impossible number to sift through, but sift through them I did, trying to identify ones that would help me.

I found one of Brok's dreams buried within me. Brok had connected with the brain in the vat many years ago, right after a time when the girl had brought me to Uthio Minor from the park in Macon to get me to drink green tea, the next day, in fact, after having a dream in which I figured everything out and won this game. Game? What would happen if that dream came true?

"I will let you connect with me if you will tell me exactly what is going on. I want to know what this game is. Why does Clive want me to connect with you? I want every bit of information you have," I said, not believing for an instant that the sphere would agree to this.

"Sorry, Kev. No can do. Rules are rules. I was willing to break them just a little bit, but you are asking me to truly violate them," said the sphere.

"Fine, but you have to tell me how Clive manages to get you out of heaven," I said.

"Deal," said the sphere. I released my hold on the sphere, immediately feeling it latching onto me, probing me, and in that instant, I fed it Brok's dream.

The sphere immediately disconnected from me, saying, "No way. I'm not doing that."

"Why not?" I said.

"Rules are rules," said the sphere.

"Well, I connected with you, so you have to tell me how Clive can get you out of heaven."

"Okay. He doesn't get me out of heaven. You always end up setting me free and then I leave heaven and he eventually finds me," said the sphere.

"Why do I set you free?"

"I'm not telling you," said the sphere.

"Bastard," I said.

"Not nice, Kev. You of all people should understand why I can't help you."

"Why is that?"

"I can't tell you."

"Well, I'm not going to release you this time."

We were in the middle of a beautiful pasture in heaven, a pasture covered with a wide variety of wild flowers. In the distance, I could see an immense floating city. I knew of a place in that city, a place that I believed would make an excellent hiding place for the sphere.

I teleported the sphere and myself into a windowless, doorless chamber with walls of glowing gold, a chamber in the heart of the city. In the center of the chamber stood a short pillar, a pillow resting on top. I placed the sphere on the pillow.

"So, this is it then?" said the sphere. "I'm just going to be a useless decoration for this empty room?"

"It's not empty. You're here. You can guard it from intruders. Should be a lot of fun."

"You know, if I get out of here, I'm going to find a way to connect with you and you aren't going to be able to control what you give me, and then we will see what happens," growled the sphere.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I'm feeling pretty confident right now."

"It won't last, Kev. It never does."

That irked me a little. While I didn't know everything, I knew a hell of a lot, and I believed I knew enough to avoid screwing things up, or at least screw things up less than I normally might. I believed there was no way I would get trapped on The Show again, and I thought it likely that I would have enough time to figure out what was going on, now that the sphere was contained in heaven. Of course, I knew that there had been many times where I thought I had things in hand and had completely botched it up, so there was room for doubt. I just had to figure out what this game was all about. What were these rules? What did the others know? What was Clive's role in all of this?

I teleported to the bar on Uthio Minor, in the present. It was still night, although the storm had passed.

"So, did you figure it out?" said Brok.

"I figured something out," I said. "Have you seen Clive?"

"Can't say I have. You want a green tea?"

"Yeah, sure."

Brok served me a tall glass of tea, and I took a sip. I heard children laughing and playing, followed by, "Hello, Kev. Welcome to The So You Think You Have It All Figured Out Experience."

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "Get on with it."

I found myself in a small workshop, standing in front of a table. On the table I saw a small black cube (I did not remember the black cube at this moment, given that none of my memories gained by connecting with the brain in the vat had anything to do with the black cube, and also because my memories were pretty compromised anyway) with a circular hole in one face. Beside it I saw a cylindrical insert with a blue button. I put the insert into the cube. I pressed the button once and let go, but nothing happened. I pressed it twice and nothing happened.

"This is the experience?" I said to the voice.

"This experience is what you make it, Kev," replied the voice.

I pressed the button three times and appeared in a small city on the edge of a river. It looked like twentieth century Peoria, a place I had been to as a child. I pressed the button four times and felt a little dizzy. I pressed the button five times and for the briefest moment had almost infinite knowledge, far more knowledge than the brain in the vat had given me.

I then appeared in the park in Macon, standing at the top of the fort. Beside me I saw the girl and Clive.

"Do you think he'll figure it out?" said the girl.

"I doubt it," said Clive.

"He has never taken this long before."

"Yeah, well, you know how he is."

"Yeah. I'm going to go to the barn. See you in a few."

"Yup. I'll go get Kev. You know, maybe you can take us somewhere that will jog his memory. Maybe we should go flying today."

"Good idea," said the girl.

I saw a flicker of light and then found myself back at the bar, looking at Brok. I reached into my pocket and pulled out three cubes, red, clear and black. I placed them on the bar, my eyes on the black cube. What would happen if I pressed the button on that cube?

I will tell you right now, because I want you to know, because I think it will help you understand. I did press the button five times and I did get almost infinite knowledge, but after pressing that button five times, I blacked out for thirty-seven days, and when I blacked out, I lost control of the sphere, setting it free.

I wanted to talk to Clive before experimenting with the black cube, thinking I might be able to get him to give some things away. So, I teleported to his home, into his family room, where I found him sitting on the couch eating a bowl of sugary cereal.

"Neat trick," he said.

"Which one?" I replied.

"Going back in time and stealing the Proth Sphere, you moron."

"Wow, so you remember that after all this time?" I said.

"You've made your move. I take it you've figured things out," said Clive dryly.

I wondered if I had him, if he really believed that I had figured everything out, and I thought I might be able to get him to divulge things that he normally would keep to himself. "I know you want to use the Proth Sphere on me, Clive. I know a lot of things."

Clive smiled and said, "You almost had me, but you couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you? You're a real character, Kev. Why on Earth would I want to use the Proth Sphere on you?"

I cursed silently, but pressed on, remembering something Aputi had told me at one point. "You want to end the universe forever, don't you?"

Clive's face changed for the briefest of moments, a split second reaction that would have passed unnoticed if I had not been looking for such a reaction.

"Bro, you've been drinking too much green tea. It has addled your brain."

"What if I told you I have hidden the Proth Sphere in heaven? You aren't able to get it there, are you?"

Clive laughed and said, "Now I really know you are full of shit. Too funny. Rules are rules, Kev. I can't go to heaven. I'll admit that, but that doesn't mean I can't win. Don't you wish you knew what was going on? Wouldn't that make your day?"

I knew I had lost, no wiser than I was before I had come to him. "Yeah, well wishes are pointless when the entire universe is set against you."

"That's the spirit, Kev. Wishes are pointless, aren't they? You know, maybe if you pressed the button on that black cube of yours five times, you might have a fighting chance of figuring things out. Why don't you try that? See what happens."

Flustered and annoyed, I said, "You know, I thought you were my best friend, but I can see this has all just been part of some sick game."

Clive smiled in his easy way and said, "I am your best friend, you moron, and anyway, you did this to yourself. This is your thing, not mine."

"What do you mean?"

"Rules are rules, Kev," laughed Clive.

"Bastard."

"Indeed."

I didn't usually think of myself as the competitive type, but knew that deep down I was. I found that all of this doubt and maybe danger had somehow stirred something deep within, a sense of purpose and maybe even amusement. If I was playing a game, then I intended to win, and I knew I wouldn't win standing here talking to Clive while he ate a bowl of cereal.

"You're going to lose," I said.

"I never do."

That stopped me, and in that moment I realized something. This was not the first time I had played this game, or at least a game with Clive and the others.

"I'm going to win this time," I said.

"Well, you're not going to win unless you press the button on that black cube five times, dummy."

The black cube. I vaguely remembered instructions for the black cube. Never press the button five times on the black cube, but why? Clive wanted me to do it, clearly he did, and I suspected he wanted me to do it in his presence, but something told me that was not the smartest thing to do.

"Tell you what, Clive. I'm going to go somewhere you will never find me, and I am going to press the button five times."

"Suit yourself. It's about time you did something productive."

"You really are a bastard, aren't you?" I said, before teleporting to a small cottage in Brimfield, Massachusetts, circa nineteen eighteen, a cottage on a lake, the only cottage on that lake at that time, a cottage I had built, one that I believed only the girl and I knew existed.

I entered the cottage and went upstairs to my bedroom. There, I sat on the bed and pulled out the black cube. I heard a voice, my voice, say, "Are you sure you want to do this right now?"

I looked around, seeing nobody. I had forgotten about the voice, the voice that claimed to be me, but in that instant, I knew it was me and thought it possible that I was communicating with myself from some point in the future. Of course, that wasn't true. In fact, the voice was nothing more than me talking to myself, or at least to other selves that inhabited my mind, selves that remembered things I did not and occasionally communicated with me, most often to warn me about things.

"I need to know what it does. Do you know what it does?" I said.

"I know, but I think you're going to have to get the answer on your own."

"Should I do it?"

"Should. Must. Will. I think you already know the answer, but maybe not the right answer for now," said the voice.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Don't you think you should be trying to figure out what the clear cube is? You know that is the biggie. Why aren't you trying to figure that out?"

I did know the clear cube was possibly the key to everything, but had not thought about it until the voice mentioned it. "Do you know what it is?"

"No."

"Then how do you know it is so important?"

"I don't know, but I believe it is. Why do you think Clive wants you to press the button on the black cube five times?"

"I don't know. He said that was the key to winning the game," I said, feeling doubt creeping up on me.

"Maybe he was lying."

I had to admit, the thought had crossed my mind, but something told me Clive wasn't lying to me. Perhaps he was stretching the truth, but I did not believe it was an outright lie. "I don't think so."

"So, are you going to do it?" said the voice.

"I think so. Why don't you think it is a good idea?"

"I would tell you, but it is impossible for me, in my present state, to see all ends. Perhaps you should do it, perhaps not. It is not for me to say, but I believe that this might be the wrong time. Anyway, you've done it before, although you don't remember it."

"You're me, right?"

"I am."

"Then why are you talking in circles? You should be helping me."

"I am helping you, you moron. Be careful."

"Thanks," I said, as I pressed the button five times and blacked out, my body falling to the ground.
Jesus

Precisely thirty-seven days later, my time, I woke to find I had gained almost infinite knowledge, or at least all of the knowledge of all of the beings who had ever existed in all of the infinite universes up until the point I pressed the button five times, with the exception of the girl, Clive, Jesus, Bri, and the Proth Sphere, but you should know that already if you have really been reading this story.

I could spend an infinity of ages telling you about all of the wonders of creation, all of the events, ideas, realities, all of the funny and sad things, and everything else, but that would take an infinity of ages, and we really don't have that kind of time, or at least you don't. Suffices to say, creation is a wonder beyond comprehension, something so ridiculously complex and beautiful that, if you had the capacity to understand, you would conclude that it is a wonder beyond comprehension, something so ridiculously complex and beautiful that if you had the capacity to understand, you would conclude that it is--well, you get the point. It is pretty damned amazing.

So, I woke up with tremendous knowledge with one thought on my mind. Why did I not have the knowledge belonging to the girl, Clive, Jesus, Bri and the Proth Sphere? There had to be a reason, but none of the knowledge I had gave me any clue what that reason was. I knew I would get nothing from the girl, Clive, Bri and the Proth Sphere, but wondered if I would have any luck with Jesus, a man I knew quite well, although I had no direct memories of interacting with him. Rather, I had the memories of those who had witnessed my interactions with him. Few of these memories offered anything telling, so I decided I would pay him a visit and see what he could tell me about this game.

At the time, Jesus was back in ancient Israel, his stomping grounds. He had this thing about going there, becoming the savior, and then getting crucified for being perhaps too good a savior. He had done this an infinity of times. A quirky guy with a big heart and a strong desire to help others, he tended not to get involved in the game. However, I wondered if he was somehow playing the game in some subtle way.

I found Jesus in ancient Nazareth, in a market, walking with Judas. Upon seeing me, Judas frowned, as he always did when he saw me, something I did not quite understand given that Judas' memories offered no explanation for his distaste for me.

"Look who it is," said Judas. "So, Kev, what brings you to these parts?"

"Hey, Judas. How's it going? Do you think I could have a word with Jesus?"

"Well, we were in the middle of a conversation," said Judas.

"Yeah, well, maybe you can continue that conversation later," I said, annoyed.

"It's okay, Judas. I won't be long," said Jesus.

"Fine. But, just tell me what you think about my idea," said Judas.

"Look, I think you should ask for more than thirty pieces of silver, dear friend. I bet you could ask for double that. Think of all of the people we could feed with that money," said Jesus.

"I don't know, Jesus. The priests are real cheapskates, but I'll try for sixty. Anyway, are you sure you really want to do this? I mean, they are going to put you through hell."

"I know they will, but it is for the greater good," said Jesus, patting Judas on the shoulder. "Now, give me a moment with Kev. We can talk about this more in a bit."

Judas nodded and then shot me a dirty look before walking away. Jesus looked at me, a kind smile on his face.

"He really doesn't like me," I said.

"Well, he thinks you put me up to having him betray me to the priests." said Jesus.

"Why does he think that?" I said, wondering why I did not have this part of Judas' knowledge.

"Well, he thinks you're God."

"What? Why?"

"Ask yourself that question, Kev. Anyway, what's going on?"

"I need your help."

"I can see that. Tell you what; Let's go to the bar on Uthio Minor. Nobody will bother us there."

Jesus and I teleported to the bar.

Brok approached us and said, "Green tea?"

"Yes, Brok," said Jesus. "Make mine a double."

I nodded a Brok and turned to my friend. "If I ask you to tell me what is going on are you going to cite the rules and refuse to answer me?"

"No."

"Okay then. What the hell is going on? What is this game I'm playing? Did I create it?" I said.

"What makes you think this is a game?" said Jesus, a kind smile on his face, one of sympathy and understanding.

"Wait a second. This isn't a game?"

"You feel set upon, my friend. You believe the entire universe is somehow against you. Ask yourself, why is that so?"

"Well, I'm asking you that. What is going on?"

"You are being deceived, led into a trap. I have told you this before, but you always forget. It is a wonder that everything has not been lost."

"What? What do you mean?"

"All creation is at stake, Kev. Everything is in jeopardy, and you must keep evil at bay. You must save us all."

"What evil? What are you talking about?"

"A great, ancient evil is at work, Kev, a destructive force that wants to end absolutely everything. It is manipulating you, driving you toward a horrible end, and you must stop it."

"What evil?"

"Search your mind, Kev. You have the answer."

I searched through my memories, all of my knowledge, looking for some great evil, and found something I had missed before, something that made me reel back in horror. "Satan!" I cried.

"Yes, Satan. Only you can stop him. You must stop him, or all will be lost. You have to remember this."

"Well, how am I supposed to stop Satan when I have Clive and the others toying with me all the time? Why are they doing that? Do they know about Satan? They think they are playing a game."

"This is no game, Kev. You have to remember."

"Remember what?"

"Everything you have forgotten."

"How do I do that?"

"I do not know, but I know it is what you must do," said Jesus.

"I have to warn the others. I don't think I can do this alone," I said.

Jesus took a sip of his green tea and drifted off into space. I looked at mine and thought maybe I should pass on yet another green tea experience. I had to keep a watchful eye for Clive. There was no telling what he would do if he found me. This was no time for whatever game we were playing.

A strange thought struck me. Clive couldn't go to heaven. I remembered him telling me that once. I gasped. Clive was Satan. That had to be true. I turned to Brok and said, "Brok, have you seen Clive?"

"Rules are rules, Kev," said Brok, his eyes shifting, focusing on a point behind me.

I looked out at the beach, seeing Clive a few hundred yards away, coming this way, the sphere floating a few feet behind him. It didn't look like Clive had seen me. If he had he definitely would have teleported over.

I knew I was in terrible danger, and knew that I might have to leave before Jesus finished his green tea experience. However, there were many questions I needed answered.

In that moment, I recalled one of Aputi's dreams, or nightmares, take your pick. This nightmare, a convoluted and vile thing, was of the end of all creation, a nightmare now mine that, if it came true, would end all creation, absolutely everything, including God. God. Did I believe in God? Aputi believed in God, as did all of the beings that had ever existed in all of the infinite universes.

In all my years, or at least the years I could remember, I never gave God much more than a passing thought, and usually only a doubt filled thought, but now I wondered if God did exist. I now believed that Satan existed, so did that mean I believed in God? I felt something pulsing in my pocket. I pulled out the three cubes. It was the clear cube pulsing, but why?

I focused on the cube, wondering what had activated it. I had been thinking about God and Satan. I had been wondering about the existence of God. Who was God? The cube's pulse intensified. Who was God? What was God?

I don't see any point in holding this back from you any longer, because I think you might have already figured it out, because I think it will help make things make a little more sense if you haven't figured it out. I am God, although at this point in the tale I did not know that, and I would not discover that for some time. However, at this point, I developed a very profound belief in God, a god I desperately wanted to save from the madness of Satan.

If Clive managed to connect me to the Proth Sphere and that nightmare came true there would be nothing left, including God. Was that possible? That had been Clive's goal all along. He had been waiting for me to press the button on the black cube five times all this time so I would have the one nightmare that would wipe out everything. How did he know about this nightmare? Did he know it was Aputi's nightmare? If he did, could he use the Sphere on Aputi to end all creation?

I paused for a moment. If Clive knew that Aputi had this nightmare it would be easy for him to find Aputi and connect the little bastard to the sphere. Clive would have already ended all creation if he knew Aputi had that nightmare tucked away in his twisted mind. So, clearly, he did not know it was Aputi's nightmare. Could he find out? How could he find out? I couldn't chance it. I had to get the sphere.

Clive and the sphere had stopped on the beach, Clive facing me. He waved before he and the sphere disappeared. Was he taunting me?
Satan

I knew Clive would be easy enough to find, given that he probably wanted me to come after him. I did not know, however, what I could possibly do to overcome Clive and wrest the sphere from him. He was much larger and stronger and had always been more cunning than me. If I were going to get the sphere from him, I would have to trick him somehow.

I needed to set a trap.

It hit me. Heaven existed. If there was a heaven then there must be a hell. What if I could trap Clive in hell and then gain control of the sphere? How could I send him to hell? What was hell? Did anyone know? I searched my memories, surprised to find the memories of all of the beings that had ever been in hell, trapped for all eternity with no hope of release.

While the memories of these beings told me quite a bit about this terrible place, they did not give me enough information to determine whether or not I could trap Clive there. I needed more information, and I thought I knew someone who could help, Bri.

Bri had no physical form that I knew of, no presence in the material world. I remembered that when I negated the infinity of universes, I ended up in some other dimension, in Bri's presence, but unable to see him. I also remembered trying to bring Bri and the sphere together after Aputi changed the entire universe into a giant cesspool, and knew that I could communicate with Bri from the material world.

I looked at Jesus, whose green tea experience was taking an unusually long time. I couldn't wait for him to come back to reality. I had to go somewhere safe, somewhere where I could talk to Bri, so I teleported to the workshop in Earithon, now empty, the girl who looked remarkably like my girl on a three month holiday on Pooter Gorth.

"Bri," I said.

"Hey, Kev. What's going on?" said Bri.

"Bri, we have a serious problem. Clive is Satan and he is trying to destroy all creation and even God, forever. We're not playing a game. This is serious."

"Really? Satan? Well, that explains a lot."

"What does it explain?"

"Rules are rules, Kev."

"Dammit, this isn't a game. There are no rules. I need your help. I want to trap Clive in hell. Hell exists, right?"

"Last time the sphere and I created the universes we created it, so, yes. So, how are you going to trap Clive in hell?"

"That's why I need you. I don't know if I can do it. Do you know?"

"Well, I don't think I would be breaking any important rules if I told you that there is a way. Really all you have to do is get him to go there. That will trap him, although there is a way out."

"How do you get out?"

"Rules, Kev. I can't tell you."

"Dammit, we're not playing a game. Tell me."

"No can do, buddy."

"Well, can you tell me how I can get him to go to hell?" I said.

"Maybe if you went there, he would follow you."

I didn't like that idea one bit, but I accepted that it might be the only way. "So, how do I go to hell? Can I just teleport there?"

"No. You have to tap your heels three times and say, 'There's no place like hell.'"

"You're joking."

"I never joke. Anyway, you should know that."

"Why would I know that?"

"Do I need to invoke the rules yet again?" said Bri, laughing.

"You're a real bastard, you know that?" I said, deeply annoyed.

"So, are you going to hell?"

"Yes, but I have to tell Clive first. Does he know how to get there?"

"I'm sure he does. He is Satan, after all."

"Does he know how to get out?"

"Well, if he is out now, I would assume he knew at one point, but that doesn't mean he knows now," said Bri.

"So, you're not going to tell me."

"Exactly."

"Lovely. You've been a real help."

"I aim to please."

"Do you know where Clive is right now?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to tell me where he is?"

"Hmm. I guess I wouldn't be breaking the rules if I told you that. He is on Sigma Kappa Epsilon."

Sigma Kappa Epsilon, a planet some twenty billion light-years from Earth, was home to the universe's largest fraternity, a fraternity with over ten billion members. I happened to be the president of that fraternity, a fraternity dedicated to the pursuit of alcohol related near death experiences.

"Where is he on the planet? Also, does he have the sphere with him?"

"He is in the pledge torture chamber in Keg Stand district. You remember that, right?" said Bri.

"What about the sphere?"

"I guess you'll just have to find out."

"Gee, thanks. You're officially off my Christmas list."

"Not nice, Kev. I didn't make the rules."

"Yeah, well, I am changing the rules," I said before teleporting into the pledge torture chamber on Sigma Kappa Epsilon.

You might ask why I didn't just write myself a long note detailing everything I knew about Clive and his desire to end all creation, instructing myself to find and hide the sphere, and then press the button on the black cube six times, thus eliminating Aputi's nightmare from my mind. I think the answer is self-evident, but I will explain. I had a tremendous amount of knowledge that could help me prevail over Clive, knowledge that I was loathe to lose, and believed, although I risked allowing Clive to terminate everything, I would stand a better chance of defeating him if I kept that knowledge. Of course, I knew I could not let him near me if he was in possession of the sphere, and I intended to teleport away from him at the first sign of trouble. Although I feared he might have a way of capturing me, However, I believed that if he did know how to capture me, he probably would have captured me already, so I thought the risks were acceptable.

I appeared in the torture chamber, finding Clive tormenting a group of naked pledges that were writhing around on the ground on a pile of chopped lettuce. I could smell salad dressing. Clive wore his best silly grin on his face.

I looked around the room, seeing no sign of the sphere, and then said, "Clive, I'm going to hell. Why don't you join me?" Then I teleported out of the chamber to a random spot on the planet, tapped my heels three times and said, "There's no place like hell." In the background, I could hear Bri laughing, that bastard.
Hell

I appeared at the top of a wooden fort in a small park in some unknown place, all of my memories gone.

I examined my body, realizing I was a child. I had no knowledge of the past, no expectations for the future. I had no context in which to place anything I was sensing.

I looked around, my gaze drifting out to the edge of the park, to a road, and then across the road to a field. Far away, in the field, I saw an old barn. I saw something that looked like a horned man wearing a red leotard, a man carrying a pitchfork, entering the barn. Soon after, I heard a scream, the scream of a girl.

I climbed down from the top of the fort, and headed toward the barn, uncertain and a bit frightened, but determined to understand what was going on.

Inside the barn, I found the man, a man with fake, plastic horns on his head. On the ground in front of him I saw a young girl, her body still.

The man turned and looked at me, a wicked grin on his face. He disappeared.

I rushed over to the girl and knelt down besides her, checking for signs of life. She was dead.

I had seen her before, but did not know who she was. On one hand I saw a ring on her finger, a silver band with an amethyst. I knew that ring.

I shook the girl in a desperate attempt to bring her back to life, but she did not stir. I cried out, begging her to live, but live she did not.

"What are you doing?" said a boy's voice behind me. I turned my head and saw a large, brown boy standing not far away. He had a confused look on his face. It was Clive, but I did not know that at the time.

"She's dead," I said, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Oh," he said. "Maybe we should bury her."

"No." Beside the girl I saw a small blanket, which I picked up and draped over her body.

"You're just going to leave her there?" said Clive.

"Maybe she will come back to life," I said, praying I was right.

"Let's get out of here," said Clive.

I stood up, looked back at the girl, now covered by the blanket, and said, "Do you know her?"

"No, but I feel like I've seen her before."

"Me too. What's your name?"

"I don't know. What's yours?"

"I don't know."

"Let's go to the park," said Clive, motioning for me to leave with him. I followed him out of the barn, across the field and the road, and into the park.

Clive and I climbed to the top of the fort, and for some time said nothing, both of us lost in thought, both wondering who we were, where we were, what we were doing here, and what would happen next. Finally, Clive spoke up. "Hey, do you want to play a game?"

I did not want to play a game. The death of the girl weighed heavily upon me, and I was in no mood for fun. Despite that, I said, "What game?"

"Why don't we play The Show?" said Clive.

I remembered. At least, I remembered who Clive was. I knew he was Satan and that he wanted to end all creation. I did not know, however, if he knew that. Was he toying with me?

Then I remembered tapping my heels three times and saying, "There's no place like hell." I knew where I was. Did Clive know where he was?

"So, you don't know who you are?" I said. "Are you sure about that?"

"No clue, bro."

"Do you know where you are?" I said.

"I'm in a park."

I should note that at this point I remembered not only Clive, but also remembered some of the events that preceded my arrival in hell. I remembered talking to Bri. I remembered wondering about God, and coming to the conclusion that I believed in God. I remembered the girl, and knew it was she in the barn, a blanket covering her dead body. However, I did not believe that was really she. I believed this was some trick that hell was playing, perhaps one of the torments hell offered.

I remembered the black cube, realizing it was in my pocket, and knew that if I pressed the button five times, I would gain almost infinite knowledge, but also knew that if I did that, I would be unconscious for thirty-seven days. If I pressed the button five times and blacked out, if Clive somehow got his hands on the sphere while I was out, and if he remembered he wanted to connect me to the sphere, he could end all creation.

I did not see the sphere anywhere, and I believed, or at least partially believed that Clive did not yet have his memories, that he, like me, came to this place with those memories wiped clean. Could I risk pressing the button five times? Perhaps not while standing here with Clive. I knew I could not teleport out of hell and did not know how I could escape hell, because that bastard, Bri, wouldn't tell me. Maybe I could teleport to some other part of hell and do the deed. But, what would I find in other parts of hell? I remembered the horned man in the red leotard and his wicked grin, and thought traveling out of the confines of this park might be a terrible idea. I wondered if the strange man had killed the girl. In fact, I believed he had. Were there others like him? What would they do to me?

The black cube would allow me to travel in time. But, then, I might be able to do that without the black cube, now having the knowledge that would allow me to travel freely through time. If I traveled back thirty-eight days to this same spot and pressed the button five times, I believed I would wake up before Clive got here. If I traveled back thirty-eight days, would Clive know I had done that? Would I disappear in front of his eyes? Maybe not, at least not if I came back to this spot at this point in time. I knew Clive could also travel back in time in his own way, but didn't think he would think to go back thirty-eight days. I believed if he truly didn't have his memories, he wouldn't try to go back in time if I disappeared, which I didn't think I would if I made sure I was back in this spot in thirty-eight days.

At this point, I should explain the rules of time travel, rules that are different for me than for any other being in the universe that can travel backwards and forwards in time.

Here are my rules:

I exist only at one point in time at a time.

I do not age when I am not in the present.

I can travel back in time.

I can travel forward in time, but not beyond the present.

When I am back in time, the present still moves forward.

I can't change my past, a corollary to existing at only one point in time.

Here are the rules for others who can time travel:

Time travelers exist in all points in time they have ever existed in, except when they negate their existence in any one point in time that they have traveled to by changing their original decision to travel in time to that point in time.

Time travelers do not age when they are not in the present.

Time travelers can go back in time.

Time travelers can go forward in time, but not beyond the present.

When time travelers are back in time, the present still moves forward.

Time travelers can change their pasts and the pasts of all other beings and things in the universe except for me.

Time travelers remember pasts they have changed even though those changed pasts technically never happened.

.

Now, I could go into a lengthy discussion of what all of this means, of course, but I am not going to do that. If you take the time to explore the rules and different scenarios, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out. It might take many ages to figure it out, and you might only be able to figure it out in the afterlife (yes, of course there is an afterlife), but I'm sure, with enough effort, it will all come to you. Well, I'll give you something to work with. It is the least I can do.

What if Clive travels to the past and then in the past convinces himself (his other self he finds in the past) not to go into the past? What if Clive goes to the past and finds me in the exact place in time I am? What if I go to some point in Clive's past and do something naughty to him? Will that change his future relative to that past? What will Clive remember if he goes to the past, does some things of a naughty nature and then convinces his other self not to go to the past? What if Clive and I are together in time at some point in time that we just arrived in (in my time bubble. No, I am not going to explain time bubbles right now) and I travel back in time, but in the same place and wait until the moment I traveled back in time? Will Clive know I traveled back in time? If I do something that might make Clive depart that point in time before I get back to that point in time, will I still see him? What would be the easiest way for someone to find me in time, given that I am only in one place in time at a time? Some of these questions have multiple answers. Anyway, I have a million of these little problems I could share, but think these will suffice for now.

So, I believed if I traveled back in time thirty eight days, that Clive would never know because I would come back to this same spot thirty eight days later and find Clive still here. I suspected that when I went back in time, I would not disappear in front of Clive if I made sure I returned to this spot at this point in time. I might not be able to be in the exact same position, but I could get close enough that he might not detect the change. At least, I hoped that was how it worked. But what if it worked some other way? I didn't really have a clear understanding of things, and wasn't able to work through the problem, so I just accepted that I would have to take my chances.

I attempted to travel back thirty-eight days, and absolutely nothing happened. You might ask why I bothered to say anything about the rules for time travel if I wasn't going to be able to travel in time. I'll say this; would you prefer that I hadn't told you the rules? If so, then why are you reading this book?

"So, do you want to play the game?" said Clive, an expectant look on his face.

I couldn't travel through time at will, and I assumed that meant I could not teleport at will. I would have to use the black cube. "I don't know," I said, stalling for time as I grabbed the cubes from my pocket, now finding four cubes in my possession, red, clear, black, and blue. Blue. I reeled back in horror, realizing that I had touched the blue cube, an act that would put me on The Show.

"What's the matter?" said Clive.

In that instant, I knew the solution to the problem. While I wasn't certain that The Show existed in hell, I believed it probably did, and I believed that if I gave Clive the blue cube, he would be stuck on The Show, and I believed that whatever version of B24ME existed in hell would trap Clive in this place for all eternity.

I looked at Clive and said, "These are cool. What do you think they are?" I picked the blue cube out of my palm and offered it to Clive.

Clive took the blue cube and said, "Don't know. Maybe they're nothing." A look of surprise crossed over Clive's face. "Who is B24ME?"

"You tell me," I said, a wicked grin creeping onto my face.

"He said I have to battle Excretorian ants. What are those?"

"Not sure," I said, now confident that I had set in motion a chain of events that would prevent Clive from ending all creation.

"I don't want to battle Excretorian ants, but B24ME says he will kill me if I don't." Clive started crying, and in that moment I felt terrible. Clive really didn't know what was going on and he was facing a multitude of horrible deaths, deaths he might never escape, deaths he would face as a child, as an innocent. My regret profound, I reached out to take the cube back from him, but he disappeared before I could get it.

"Why, hello, Turd Fondler. Fancy meeting you in hell," said a familiar voice. "Are you ready for your next challenge?"

"I'm not on The Show, B24ME," I replied. "Clive has the cube now."

"Really? Then what's that in your hand?" chortled B24ME.

I looked at my palm and saw a blue cube along with the other cubes. Things were about to get really ugly.

"Look, you can't kill me, B24ME. You know that, so why bother?"

"I might not be able to kill you, but I can torture you for all eternity. Don't you think that would be fun?"

"Just lovely. Do you think that will be good for ratings?" I said.

"My dear boy, I'll have you know that after you gave the cube to Clive, ratings climbed six hundred sixty-six points. We have reached an all time high. Audiences love this stuff."

"What if I fire you, B24ME? I am your boss, right?" A gamble, but worth a shot.

"You thought you might say that at one point when we negotiated my contract, and I can tell you don't remember the terms of the deal, although you clearly remember that you are my boss, so I will refresh your memory. If you terminate me without cause, I am entitled to torture you for all eternity."

"I agreed to that?"

"It was your idea, actually. I have to admit, it was the one thing that really made me want to take this job."

What kind of a masochistic moron was I? Why would I ever do that to myself? There had to be a reason, but find it I could not.

I realized I had to stall for time. There was no telling what sort of nightmare B24ME could think up. I had to figure out a way to get off The Show, get Clive off The Show, and get both of us out of hell. Yes, I wanted to save Clive. I believed that trapping him in hell for all eternity was a terrible idea, and that I had to find some other way to stop him from ending all creation.

"Where is Clive?" I said.

"On Excretor, of course. He has died fifty times. I guess he hasn't figured out how to escape the ants. You know...teleport right at the moment you see that pretty flash of light. Of course, you can't teleport in hell, so there really is no way to escape. A lovely end, don't you think?"

"Well, I'm your boss, so if I tell you to let Clive off the hook, you have to let him off the hook. Set him free and take him off The Show."

"Nope. The contract specifically states that if you should ever give the cube to another person, that person enters automatically into the same contract that you have with me. I have to say, you really thought of everything, Turd Fondler."

Running out of options, I said, "Don't you think it would be better for ratings if you put Clive and I through challenges together? By the way, don't you get extra compensation for better ratings? You must, right?" I was pretty sure I was right about that, and thought I might have, at least to some extent, B24ME on a leash.

"What do you have in mind?" said B24ME.

"You put Clive and me through some challenges together, challenges we have a chance of winning. You build up ratings, and then you can throw whatever you want at us. I don't see how you could refuse that offer."

"Well, it's not really an offer, is it? It's more of a desperate attempt to save yourself, but I have to admit, it is a brilliant idea."

"Bring Clive back," I said.

Clive appeared in front of me, a wild look in his eyes. He lunged at me and grabbed me by the throat, choking me. I tried to fight him off, but he was far too strong, and I soon died, saw a flash of light and then reawakened on the ground, Clive standing over me, panting. "Why the hell did you do that to me?" he screamed.

"Clive, I'm sorry. Let me explain," I said, holding my hands out in front of me, fearing another attack.

"My name is Clive?" he said.

"Yes. Let me explain. You are my best friend, or at least I think you were my best friend. Maybe it was all an act, but I'm not so sure about that. Anyway, you are Satan and you are trying to end all creation, and I thought that if I trapped you in hell and got you on The Show, you would never escape and wouldn't be able to end all creation."

"How touching," said B24ME in the background.

Clive and I both screamed, "shut up, B24ME."

"So, I'm Satan?" said Clive, now somewhat calmer, but shaking slightly, a fearful look on his face. How could I have so easily thrown him on The Show? How could I have so easily lured him into hell? I felt terrible.

"Yes."

"Why do I want to end all creation?" said Clive.

"You know, I don't have all day, boys," said B24ME.

"Shut up, B24ME. You'll get your chance," I growled.

"Yeah, you bastard," said Clive.

"Look, Clive, I thought we were playing some sort of game before, but I now think what is really happening is that you have somehow manipulated the universe in an attempt to use me to end all creation. At least, all the evidence seems to point to that, or at least what evidence I can remember. I still don't have all my memories back," I said, getting back onto my feet.

"Why would I want to do that?" said Clive.

"I don't know. Maybe because you're Satan," I offered.

"Well, I don't want to end all creation right now. I just want to get out of this place."

"Enough small talk boys. Time for a challenge," said B24ME.

Clive and I appeared in a small office sitting across from a young, towheaded boy behind a battered metal desk, a desk that appeared to have come from some apocalyptic tag sale.

"Hey," said the boy.

"Uh, hey," said Clive. "Who are you?"

"I'm Timmy, but you can call me Az," said the boy, a smile on his face, his black eyes wide and unblinking.

"So, the challenge is quite simple, gents," interjected B24ME. "All you have to do is beat Az in a staring contest."

"That's stupid," I said.

"Would you prefer another challenge?" said B24ME, threateningly. "I could think up something quite nice if you don't approve of this one."

"No, this one is fine," said Clive. "How is Timmy, er, Az, going to have a staring contest with both of us? Are we going one at a time?"

"I'm looking both of you in the eyes," said Timmy, a broad grin on his face.

Clive and I looked at Timmy.

"He looking at you, Clive?" I said.

"Yeah, you?" said Clive.

"Yeah. Strange."

"Let's begin," said B24ME.

Within a second, I blinked. Az pointed at me with one finger, a finger that transformed into a wooden spike, a wooden spike that extended with alarming speed and ran me through, piercing my heart and killing me. I saw a flash of light and then found myself starting at Az again, now trying my hardest not to blink.

"This isn't good," said Clive, blinking and getting the same treatment.

I might have lasted another thirty seconds before I blinked again, impaled by Az's brutally transformed finger.

Clive blinked soon after.

This went on for hours, hours of torment with no hope of relief. I don't know how many times we were killed. It had to have been thousands of times, our time spent staring at Az, blinking, dying and resurrecting, all while listening to B24ME laughing in the background, sometimes taunting us and calling us ridiculous names, "the kebab brothers" his favorite.

Finally, in a moment of clarity, after coming back to life, Clive, keeping eye contact with Az, stood up, leaned over the desk and punched Az in the face, causing him to blink.

"Hey, no fair," cried Az.

"You're lucky I didn't kill you, you little monster," said Clive.

"Well, I see you two are up to the challenge, although, I have to say it took you long enough to figure things out," said B24ME, disappointment quite evident in his voice.

"Are all of the challenges like this?" said Clive.

I didn't want to say it, but I had to be honest, "Most are worse."

"Who the hell created this show?" said Clive.

"We did," I said, wondering what ever possessed me to create this show.

"What the hell?" said Clive.

"Are you boys ready for your next challenge?" said B24ME. "Do you need more time to talk about stupid decisions and whatnot?"

"Whatever, B24ME. What's the next challenge?" I said.

Clive and I appeared in a large arcade, surrounded by ancient video games, games I recognized from my youth.

"Whoa," said Clive. "Are we going to play video games?"

"Such a bright boy," said B24ME. "Yes, you are. Well, you are going to play one game. You get to choose which one. If you both beat the game, you win the challenge."

Clive and I had spent a lot of time at an arcade near my aunt's house that summer he stayed with me. We would play for hours. Clive was quite good. I lacked skill. I could tell this would be a difficult challenge for me, and I believed that I would be dragging Clive down, so I said, "If Clive wins and I don't, can he sit things out until I win?"

"Nope," said B24ME, blissfully. "You both play together, and you both have to win together."

"Lovely," said Clive. "You suck at video games, Kev. We're never going to win." Clearly, Clive had started to remember some things.

"Well, it's just video games," I said, totally unaware of what B24ME had in store for us.

"Let's find Space Bugs. You aren't that bad at that," said Clive, looking around for the one game that I had some small ability to play.

"I don't see it," I said. "You go that way and I'll go this way. I'm sure it's here. There are like a million games in here. B24ME, do you have Space Bugs?"

"If you find it, you can play it. If not, you'll have to choose something else," said B24ME.

We split up, both hunting for the game, Clive eventually finding it and calling out to me. I joined him in front of the game and said, "B24ME, only one player can play at a time."

"Oh, don't worry. Our version of the game allows two players to play at the same time," said B24ME.

"Well, where is that one?" said Clive.

I appeared inside the cockpit of some sort of space ship. In front of me I saw a flight stick with a trigger. I looked out of the window of the ship and ahead saw strange, glowing bugs in the distance. They looked like winged ants and flies, but I couldn't be sure. I looked to my left and saw a ship not far from me, a ship that looked remarkably similar to the ships in Space Bugs. I understood.

"Holy crap," said Clive, his voice coming through a speaker on the left wall of my craft.

"Yeah, holy crap."

"So, all you have to do is win the game," said B24ME. "You have to clear all of the levels without losing all your lives. Easy, right?"

Something told me this would be anything but easy. "How many lives do we have?" I said.

"Five lives each," said B24ME.

"Kev, you remember how to play, right? Remember to double up your ship. We can do that, right B24ME?"

"The rules are the same as in the real game," said B24ME, "for the most part."

"What's different?" I said, trying to remember the game.

"You'll see," said B24ME. "Ready?"

"Yeah," said Clive.

Ahead of me, I saw movement as some of the ant-like crafts started winding their way to Clive and me, firing missiles at us. I dodged the missiles, steering my craft left and right (the only two directions we were allowed to go.) I lined up a shot and fired, feeling a mild electric shock when I fired, thinking that a little odd.

Clive proceeded in the same way, dodging and firing.

"Are you getting shocked?" called out Clive.

"Yeah," I said, evading another missile and taking out a large, glowing fly. I noticed that the intensity of the shocks was increasing each time I took a shot, and realized things were going to get pretty bad pretty soon.

"Ow!" cried Clive.

By the time we cleared the level, each of us managing to stay alive, the shocks had intensified to an alarming level.

As the next wave flew into place in front of us, I said, "B24ME, are the shocks going to start back at low power each time we clear a level?" I prayed he would say yes.

"You'll see," laughed B24ME.

The shocks did decrease in intensity, but were more intense than they were at the beginning of the first level. We started clearing the level. Clive called out, "Try to double up."

Doubling up happened when you struck one of the larger flies with one of your missiles in the center of its head, right between the eyes. If you did that, another ship identical to yours would attach to your ship, giving you double the firepower, but also double the exposure.

Clive and I cleared out some of the little ships, and then one of the big guys came down, Clive firing at it and striking it right between the eyes. Clive screamed.

"What happened?" I called out.

"That really sucked. When you double up you are going to get the shock of your life," said Clive.

"Great."

We continued firing on the ships. Eventually, another big guy came down, and this time I nailed it between the eyes. Clive's warning proved true. I received a shock of such magnitude that I thought my skin had burned off. However, I didn't think much of it, just happy that I now had double the firepower.

There were still a number of enemies left, and I noticed that they were now moving much faster and were much harder to hit. Further, their missiles moved faster.

Not long after doubling up, a missile struck my second ship, destroying it. Again, I felt a terrifying shock, but I did not lose a life.

We cleared the level, Clive still in possession of his second ship, me stuck with just one ship.

"Well, at least we haven't died," said Clive.

I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that we would soon learn what dying would be like in this game, no doubt at all.

The new level started and things went well for a while, but I ended up dying after two of the enemy ships dive-bombed me, converging on me from both sides.

This language lacks the words required to describe the pain I felt before dying and seeing a flash of light, reborn into a new ship.

"Not good," I called out to Clive, right before he died, his scream so loud it overloaded my speaker, completely blowing it out. I couldn't hear Clive anymore.

We cleared five more levels, a difficult task given that we could not coordinate our efforts. Clive died once and I died twice. I couldn't remember how many levels Space Bugs had, and prayed that we didn't have many more left, but realized that there was a strong chance that B24ME's version of this game would have far more levels than the arcade game.

"B24ME, how many levels are there?" I said.

"Six hundred, sixty-six," said B24ME. "Having fun yet?"

"Go to hell," I said.

"I think I already have," laughed B24ME, as a missile whizzed by me with alarming speed. How many levels were left? I had lost count. I realized that I would not be able to win this iteration of the game. There was no way I would win, and I was certain Clive would not win either. How many games would it take? What would happen after we lost all of our lives? I did not want to find out, but I knew I would.

Two levels later, the shocks I felt each time I fired now brutally painful, I lost my final life, and experienced something beyond pain, something that seemed to last for an eternity. When it passed, I heard B24ME say, "You guys really suck at this, don't you?"

At that point, I was back in a spaceship. I heard Clive say, "This isn't the same as the arcade game. The ships move faster and the missiles do too." I didn't expect to be able to hear Clive, given that my speaker had blown out, and found myself thankful that B24ME had allowed it to be repaired for the new game.

"Well, I didn't say it was exactly the same," said B24ME. "Ready for the next game?"

I don't know how long we played or how many games we played. All I know is that I eventually got to a point where the pain became meaningless, where I lost all sense of self. In some ways, I became one with my ship, the only thing that reminded me I existed. I know Clive experienced the same thing.

Eventually, perhaps thousands of years later, we made it to the last level, me having three lives left, Clive having four. At that point we were barely communicating, most of the sound escaping us in the form of grunts and howls. As we finished off the last of the enemies, a new enemy appeared, something quite large, a cross between a wasp and a beetle. It fired four missiles, two of which homed in on Clive, and two that tracked me. These were missiles we couldn't evade. However, we both got in hits on the ship, two hits each because we each had doubled up our ships.

Unfortunately, our hits did not destroy this ship. We ended up spending the rest of our lives shooting the ship, but not destroying it. After losing my last life and suffering through unimaginable torment, I managed to say, "How many hits does it take to kill that thing?"

"Twenty hits," said B24ME.

I cursed. Clive and I would have to get to this point in the game with all of our lives and our ships doubled up. I didn't see how that was possible. We spent another age attempting just that, and finally, both of us now little more than automatons, we managed to get into just the right position to win the game. We won and both appeared back in the arcade, but not before being subjected to pain that went beyond any of the other pain we had experienced while playing the game. Clive and I immediately collapsed to the ground, our bodies nothing more than jelly.

I managed to say something along the lines of, "Ugh et ower?"

Clive responded with, "Forg dat astard."

I don't know if B24ME was being merciful or if he just wanted us back in shape so we could truly experience the next round of torture, but he let us regroup, remaining silent the entire time.

When Clive and I finally got back on our feet, B24ME said, "Now, wasn't that fun? Are you ready for the next challenge?"

"Can we have a break?" said Clive.

"I already gave you a break," said B24ME.

In all this time, I had not been able to concentrate on finding a way out of this situation. I had no clue how we were going to get off The Show and out of hell, and I doubted I would ever discover a way. I believed B24ME would torture us for all eternity and cursed myself for getting us into this mess.

"Come on, B24ME, we've been at this forever. You can't give us a day off?" I said.

B24ME didn't answer.

"B24ME?" I said.

Silence and then, "Sorry, Turd Fondler. We are having some technical difficulties. You know, if you had given me a bigger budget, we wouldn't have had to skimp on things, and we wouldn't be having this problem."

"What problem?" I said.

B24ME did not answer.

"Thank God," said Clive, patting me on the back. "Hopefully, he is gone for good."

"I doubt it." I looked around the arcade, wondering what Clive and I should do. I remembered the girl in that moment and had a strong desire to get back to the barn to check on her. "Let's get out of here."

Clive and I exited the arcade, finding ourselves in a large, brooding city full of basalt buildings that stretched up high to the roof of an enormous cavern. In the sky I saw demons flying. Around us, on foot, I saw aliens of all shapes and sizes, all beset by demons with whips and other implements of torture, all being treated to a variety of horrors. Something told me Clive and I did not want to be in this place.

"Let's go back in the arcade," I said, grabbing Clive by the arm and pulling him back.

"Yeah, good idea," said Clive.

I tried to open the door to the arcade, but found it wouldn't budge.

"Oh shit," said Clive.

I turned and saw a twelve-foot tall demon with a nasty whip, standing ten feet from Clive and me, a cruel grin on its face.

"Well, looky here," growled the demon.

I bolted, Clive chasing after me. We tore through the streets of that miserable place, desperately looking for somewhere to hide, the demon hot on our tail, taunting us every step of the way, promising to treat us to many terrifying "delights."

Countless times he lashed out with his whip, striking us each time, the pain unimaginable. Still we ran, and eventually found an opening in the wall of the cavern, a dark tunnel big enough for Clive and I, but not big enough for the demon. We raced into the tunnel, a tunnel with barely enough light to see, and ran right into something I cannot fully describe, a worm of some sort, six feet in diameter, its gaping mouth filled with needle-like teeth. We ran right into that mouth and that mouth closed on us, those teeth tearing into our flesh, killing us almost instantly.

A flash of light followed, and then Clive and I appeared in the park. I looked around frantically, praying there would be no demons or other horrors in the park and felt some small amount of relief when I saw no signs of trouble.

"Climb to the top of the fort," I said to Clive, thinking we needed to be somewhere that offered a good view of our surroundings. Clive and I raced up to the top of the fort and scanned the area, seeing nothing out of sorts.

"We've got to get out of this place," said Clive, panting and sweating profusely.

"Yeah, but how?" I looked out of the park, across the road and to the barn and noticed the girl coming out of the barn, heading our way.

The Deevil

"It's the girl," I said, pointing.

Clive looked at the girl. "Who is she?"

"My wife."

"You're married? You're just a kid."

"We're not kids, Clive. Well, maybe in hell we are, but you and I are quite old."

"How old?"

"I'm not sure. Let's go down and meet her," I said.

We climbed down from the fort and approached the road. The girl was running toward us, and I could see someone far behind her, the horned man in the red leotard, pitchfork in hand. He looked like he was skipping.

The girl stopped at the road, looked back and then started to cross. Midway across she stopped, looking down the road in terror, unable to move. A second later, a large truck appeared out of nowhere, mowed her down and then disappeared.

I ran over to her battered, lifeless body. "No!" I screamed.

"We should get off the road," said Clive.

"Help me get her into the park."

Clive and I picked up the girl and brought her into the park. I checked her for a heartbeat, not wanting to believe she was really dead, my world shattered when I realized she was.

"How much do you want for the girl?" said a croaky voice behind us. Clive and I turned and saw the strange, horned man standing a few feet behind us, his eyes on the girl.

"What?" said Clive.

"How much for the girl?" croaked the man.

"What the hell are you, some Halloween misfit?" I said.

"No no no, Kev, my boy."

Clive and I looked at each other briefly and then back at the man.

"What are you?" said Clive.

"How much for the girl?" said the man.

"She's not for sale," I said. "Go away."

The strange man then broke into song.

I've been whiling way the hours

Carousing with the flowers

For no reason but my own

If you gave me fifty dollars

And some supernatural powers

I would eat her to the bone

"Get the hell out of here, you freak," shouted Clive.

"Give me the girl or I'll kill you," said the man.

"Who the hell is this guy?" said Clive.

"Why, I'm the deevil, of course," said the deevil. "Don't you remember me, Kev?"

"Absolutely not," I said. "Go away."

"You should remember me," said the deevil.

"Why?" I said.

"Because I'm you, silly boy."

"What?" I said. Note that when I was a young boy, I used to call the devil the deevil, and I used to think he had fake, plastic horns, carried a pitchfork, and wore a red leotard. Of course, I didn't remember that.

"Give me the girl or I'll kill you," said the deevil, now pointing his pitchfork at Clive and me.

"You can't kill us, you moron," said Clive, defiantly.

"Oh yeah?" said the deevil. "I bet I can torture you. How would you like that?" At that moment, the deevil's arm shot out, the tips of his pitchfork hitting Clive in the gut, piercing his clothes and flesh, but not fully impaling him. Clive screamed and fell to the ground. "See. Now, give me the girl."

Clive got back to his feet, his body now healed, still defiant. "You can't have her!"

Again, the deevil's arm shot forward, and, again, the tips of the pitchfork entered Clive's body, but this time went all the way through, killing him instantly. He fell to the ground, dead, and then moments later came back to life and got back on his feet. Clive lunged at the deevil, a creature not much larger than him, and knocked him off his feet.

The deevil laughed and threw Clive off, sending him hurtling against the side of the fort with a crash. Clive groaned, picked himself up off the ground and rushed the deevil. I joined Clive, the two of us bringing the deevil to the ground, but he quickly overpowered us.

The deevil threw us away from him and rose to his feet, now approaching the girl.

I desperately wanted a gun or anything that could stop this horror, and in that instant said, "I wish I had a gun."

I felt something vibrate in my pocket before a gun appeared in my hand. I looked at the deevil who was now hovering over the girl and fired a shot at it, not interested in understanding what had made the gun appear in my hand, and, in fact, not remembering that I had asked God for a gun.

My shot missed, but it did stop the deevil in its tracks. It looked at me and said, "If you kill me, you kill yourself, my boy."

"Yeah, well, I can't die, can you?" I said.

Clive, who had been paying closer attention than me, had figured out that I had wished for a gun. I heard him say, "I wish I had a gun." I glanced his way and noticed that no gun had appeared in his hand. I also realized, or at least believed that I had a gun now because I had wished for one. Could I wish for other things? If I could, could I wish to destroy the deevil? However, if the deevil was me then wouldn't I be wishing to destroy myself, and if I did that would I truly die? Die forever?

The deevil said, "So, are you going to kill me or what?"

I wasn't sure I believed the deevil, so I shot at it again, this time striking it in the leg. The deevil and I both let out a howl. I felt terrible pain in my leg and realized that whatever pain the deevil felt became my pain. Perhaps it had been telling the truth. If it hurt me, would it hurt itself? If it killed me, would it kill itself? If it killed me and, thus, killed itself, would it come back to life like me? I suspected it would.

"I wish the deevil had no desire to do anything evil," I said, thinking this was harmless enough for me, but devastating for the deevil.

The deevil laughed, "Doesn't look like it worked, pal." I noticed movement on the ground and saw the girl stirring. I looked back at the deevil and saw a gleeful look on his face. He lifted his pitchfork and drove it down into the girl's chest, killing her instantly. I screamed out and fired madly at the deevil, my final shot hitting him in the head, killing him and me instantly. I had killed myself.
In the Beginning Again

I woke up on the day of my ninth birthday to the sound of a voice, a voice I had heard many times before, but had never answered.

"Kev, we have to talk," said the voice.

I got out of bed, ignoring the voice, changed into my clothes and made my bed. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, as I always did because my mother told me I didn't want cavities, horrible things that would make the dentist mad at me.

I went back into my room and looked around, seeing my partially disassembled airplane sitting on my desk, the airplane I had taken apart and put back together many times over, a gift from Uncle Joe, the best uncle in the world.

"Kev, seriously, we have to talk," said the voice.

"I don't want to talk to you," I said, annoyed. The voice was always telling me things, things about myself, things I didn't want to believe. Many times, the voice had told me that I was stuck in a loop of some sort and that I had to get out of it, although it never explained this further.

"Look, Kev, you have to listen to me. Something bad is going to happen today unless you stop it."

"Like what?" I said.

"Our parents are going to die."

That stopped me dead in my tracks. "What?"

"At your birthday party, they are going to be killed unless you stop it."

"Today is my birthday?" I said.

"Yes, dummy. Are you paying attention? Did you hear what I said, or do you want to talk about your birthday and all of the other things you've forgotten?"

"How are they going to die? How do I stop it?"

"I don't know, but you have to stop it or else you will be stuck in this loop forever."

"What loop?" I said, now interested in understanding.

"I don't know how to explain it. Actually, I'm not entirely sure about it, but I think you are stuck and need to become unstuck."

"Well, how am I supposed to get out of it if I don't know what I'm getting out of?" I said, now annoyed again.

"I don't know. Pay attention. Don't lose sight of your parents at the party. That is when it will happen, if it happens at all."

"How do you know this?" I said.

The voice didn't answer and I could feel it had gone far away. I heard my mother call out to me from the kitchen and went to her, sitting at the kitchen counter, my thoughts focused on the possible death of my parents.

"You excited, Kev?" said my mother.

"About what?" I said, now forgetting it was my birthday, and in that instant forgetting everything the voice had told me.

"It's your birthday, silly."

"Oh, yeah, I guess. Are we having a party?" I did not want to have a party. I hated parties.

"Of course we are, honey. We're going to have ponies you can ride, and all your friends are going to be here."

I knew I had friends, of course I knew, but remember their names I could not. I knew I had memory problems, and those in my life also knew I had those problems. Although some would play with me in a silly way at times, pretty much everyone treated me with kindness. The odd thing was that my memory problems never affected my studies, my grades always perfect. Further, I almost never forgot my family.

"What are you thinking about?" said my mother, dragging me away from my thoughts.

"I don't know," I said. "I think I've forgotten something."

"It's okay, Kev," said my mother. "One day, you are going to remember everything, and when you do, you will experience something absolutely amazing, something I could never describe."

I looked at my mother and saw a strange expression on her face, love mixed with...what was it? I think I saw awe on her face. She smiled and patted me on the head. "I love you, Kev. Love you forever."

"I love you, mom," I said.

"I made your favorite," she said. "Frenchy toasty, bacony and berries."

I smiled. My mother could always put a smile on my face. I couldn't have wished for a better mother, or father, for that matter. Both had shown me perfect love and devotion, and I believe, for my part, I showed them the same.

My father entered the room and said, "Kev, my boy, this is going to be an amazing day. Happy birthday!"

"Thanks, dad," I said. Maybe a party wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe this would really be an amazing day.

After breakfast, I went to my fort out in the back yard and sat at my table. I opened my journal to a blank page and picked up a red pen, red being my favorite color.

I wrote, "I have forgotten something important," and paused.

What had I forgotten? I believed I had forgotten something I should have never forgotten, something terribly important that would alter the fabric of my life, but could not recall it.

I wondered if I had written anything about it in my journal and started to go back through the pages before stopping myself, remembering something. I did not like reading my journal, because within it I had written many things that I found disturbing, things the voice had told me to write, things that made no sense, although they troubled me. In that moment, I knew reading the journal would disturb me greatly. However, I needed to figure out what was going on, so I decided to read through my journal, pausing briefly before turning to another page. In the moment I paused, I forgot that I believed I had forgotten something important and also forgot that I wanted to read some of the entries in my journal, so I turned to a blank page and wrote, "Who am I?"

I felt a pulse in my pocket and reached in to see what was in there, finding a little, clear cube, a cube that was vibrating. I had no memory of this cube, but found it fascinating. What made it vibrate like that? What was it? It stopped vibrating. I examined its surface, finding no markings of any kind, and then placed it on my table.

I looked at what I had written, having of course forgotten that I had written, "Who am I?" I found myself asking that question again, and again the cube started to vibrate. After that, I spent a good amount of time trying to get the cube to vibrate, thinking and saying different things, usually getting it to vibrate when I asked questions about myself.

Some time later, my mother called out to me from the kitchen window. It was time for the party. I pocketed the clear cube and left my fort, and as I left, I noticed a small red cube on the ground, a cube the same size as the clear cube. I picked it up and put it in my pocket, figuring I would examine it later.

I rushed into my house, finding a group of boys and girls and some parents in the kitchen. Everyone greeted me, each one reminding me of his or her name. With one exception, I remembered their faces. That exception was the boy who introduced himself as Clive. I felt certain I had never met this boy before and wondered if he was new to the area.

"Do I know you?" I said to him after everyone else had greeted me.

"Not yet, but you will," he said with an easy smile, a smile that seemed somehow ancient.

"Did you just move here?" I said.

"No. I'm just visiting the area and I thought I'd stop by to wish you a happy birthday," he said.

"Oh. Well, thank you." While this struck me as strange, I did not say anything about it. This big, brown and somewhat goofy kid with that strange smile seemed like someone I would like, someone who would make an excellent friend, if I could remember him for any length of time.

The crowd exited the house, out into the front yard, where my parents had set up two large picnic tables, on which sat an assortment of snacks.

A truck towing a horse trailer pulled into the driveway, and soon after, two men wearing black t-shirts with red maple leaves printed on the front and their names (Bob and Doug) printed on the back brought two ponies out of the trailer and onto the front yard. One of the ponies relieved itself on the front yard. I wondered if the men would clean that up.

Soon after, Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen arrived, both bearing gifts, which they dutifully handed me after giving me big hugs. Uncle Joe always gave the most amazing gifts. Aunt Helen always gave the strangest gifts, the most recent being a little black cube with a blue button and a digital display that always seemed to display the current year. I remembered pressing the button on the cube when she gave it to me, nothing happening, and asking her what it was supposed to do. She said, "I'm not sure. I thought you would know," a strange answer from a strange woman. That cube sat on my desk in my room, beside my airplane, untouched since that day and mostly forgotten.

Soon after, all of the kids lined up for pony rides, me first in line. I didn't think the pony really liked me. It kept bucking me off. After a few attempts, one of the men in charge of the ponies told me it might be best if I took a break.

I moved off to the side, now standing beside Clive.

"I'm going to Camp Calistoga in July. You should go too," said Clive.

"Where is that?"

"Somewhere in Maine, I think. Cool place. You should go."

Going to camp seemed like an excellent idea. "I'll ask my parents," I said, hoping they would let me go.

"I have a game we can play while we're there," said Clive.

"Oh, really? What game?"

"It's called The Show."

"How do you play?"

"It's a surprise, Kev, a big surprise."

After everyone had a chance to ride the ponies, all the kids sat at the picnic table to eat while the adults stood off to the side. My mother had prepared barbequed chicken with rice, a favorite of mine. Most of the kids had hoped for pizza, and a small few complained, but in the end everyone liked the chicken.

Clive sat beside me at the table, telling me about the camp as we ate. It sounded like an amazing place, and I couldn't wait to tell my parents about it. I hoped they would let me go.

After lunch, the adults cleaned off the table and my mother brought out the cake, nine lit candles on top. After everyone sung the requisite song, I blew out the candles, making my wish. I wished that my parents would send me to Camp Calistoga, so I could be with my new friend, Clive. My mother served everyone a slice of cake and then moved away from the table.

I heard a strange sound, like a whining, sputtering jet engine, something far away, and looked up, seeing what looked like an airplane, smoke trailing from it, coming our way. Behind it I saw another smaller object also coming our way. I remembered what the voice had told me, and I looked at my parents who were now off to the side, talking amongst themselves. I screamed out, "Mom, Dad, come here!"

My parents, hearing the distress in my voice, ran over to me, and moments later, the planed crashed, the fuselage landing on our neighbor's house and the tail landing precisely where my parents had been standing. I heard Clive mutter something under his breath, but couldn't make it out.

Chaos erupted, parents taking the kids far away from the crash, my father and Uncle Joe running over to check on our neighbor. Not long after a number of police cars and fire trucks arrived on the scene.

Luckily, nobody was injured, although the damage to my neighbor's house was substantial.

Clive and I stood apart from the rest of the crowd. "Looks like you saved the day, Kev," he said, a strange tone in his voice.

"I guess so," I said, now remembering what the voice had said, wondering how the voice knew this would happen and wondering if this was just bad luck, or something done by design, a possibility that seemed like more than a possibility, although I did not know why I believed that.

Within a couple of hours, everyone had left, except for the firemen and the police, who were busy cleaning things up. My parents brought me into the house, my father looking at me strangely, saying, "You saved us. I didn't think you would save us."

I didn't know what to make of that and soon forgot he had said it, too occupied with my own thoughts, still wondering why things had played out the way they had. I wondered if the voice would shed any light on things.

A few days passed, things returning to normal. I had completely forgotten about the plane crash. I had also forgotten about Clive and Camp Calistoga. There were many things I had forgotten. The voice returned to remind me.

"Good work, Kev," said the voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"You saved our parents."

"Our parents?"

"Yeah, mom and dad."

"You're not my brother. I don't have a brother."

"I'm not your brother, dummy. I'm you. Don't you remember? What am I saying? Of course you don't remember."

"What are you talking about?" I said.

"Never mind. Look, you need to get mom and dad to agree to send you to Camp Calistoga or they are going to be killed."

"What?" I cried, looking around to be sure my parents weren't nearby. I didn't want them to think I had gone crazy, and I believed that talking to the voice in this way might make them think I had gone a little bonkers. Luckily, they weren't around.

"Who is going to kill my parents?" I said.

"Our parents. I don't know, but unless you get them to send you to that camp, they are going to die."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive. In fact, you are going to have to save them right now. Somebody just delivered a package. It is a bomb. You have to save them, Kev. Then you have to get them to send you to camp."

I didn't need any more talk to get me moving. I rushed out of my bedroom and into the kitchen where I found my mother and father. My father had a package in his hand.

"Don't open that! It's a bomb!" I cried, running over to my father and grabbing the package from him, throwing it into the corner. "We have to leave," I cried. "Now. Please. It is a bomb."

Without asking any questions, my parents followed me out of the house, into the back yard. Seconds later, the bomb exploded, tearing a huge hole in the back wall of the house.

I looked at my parents, who were looking right back at me, amazed, but maybe not terribly surprised. They both took me in their arms, hugging me tightly and kissing me, thanking me for saving them over and over.

Amidst all of the hugs and kisses, I managed to get out, "You need to send me to Camp Calistoga or someone is going to kill you."

They asked no questions, which I thought odd, but didn't question. They agreed to send me to camp, and three weeks later, they dropped me off at Camp Calistoga, a small suitcase in hand. I didn't realize it at the time, but my birthday wish had come true.

There, I met Clive, my bunkmate, for the first time, or so I thought, and so he led me to believe. We immediately hit it off, spending all of our time together. When we had free time, we would play on a large boulder by a pond. Clive called the boulder Proth, but would never explain that name.

It did not take long for Clive to invite me to play The Show, my first challenge on that show causing my death and rebirth, although I thought I had only blacked out. I remember coming to on the rock after Clive had basically strangled me to death, not fully aware of what had happened, and asking Clive to explain. He would only say, "You lost. Do you want to try again?"

I faced many challenges on The Show, most of which resulted in injury of some sort, injury that quickly healed, a fact that did not strike me as particularly strange. I had always healed quickly, and believed that everyone else did as well.

As our time at camp drew to a close, Clive told me he would be attending a private boarding school in Connecticut, a school not far from my home, and he begged me to get my parents to send me there. I had absolutely no reservations about this. In fact, I prayed my parents would send me. They did.

I loved boarding school, primarily because Clive was my roommate, and now my best friend, a friend I swore I would never forget, a friend I would have forever.

When not in class, Clive and I spent all of our free time together, rarely playing with any of the other boys in our school. Nobody ever said anything about it.

Clive and I played The Show that first year many times, and many times I suffered terrible injury, always healing, and often forgetting that I had been hurt at all. Sometimes, Clive would say things like, "Do you get it yet?" or "Do you understand?" I never really picked up on this, usually responding with, "You are a kook."

Toward the end of the school year I asked my parents if Clive could stay with me for the summer, and, of course, my parents agreed, happy to see I had made a friend.

That summer, Clive and I spent most of our time in my fort. Upon first seeing the inside of the fort, Clive said, "This will not do. Where are the toys?"

All I had in the fort was my table and chair and my journal and pens. I preferred it that way, but gave in, Clive and I raiding my bedroom, bringing my best toys, many of which I had long forgotten, out to the fort.

We played The Show much less than we had played while at camp or at school, now spending most of our time playing with toys or going on adventures in the woods behind my house, a constant source of joy.

Near the end of the summer, Uncle Joe flew up in his airplane and took Clive and me down to his farm in Macon, Georgia. Prior to arriving there, I told Clive nothing about my Uncle's collection of model planes, wanting to surprise him. Needless to say, when Clive saw my uncle's collection he was blown away.

We spent the first two days with Uncle Joe, learning how to fly his model planes, Clive proving quite adept at this. I proved to be far less adept, crashing three of Uncle Joe's planes, basically destroying them.

On the third day, I took Clive to the park down the street, the park across from a field, a field on which stood and old, abandoned barn, a barn my uncle had instructed us not to visit.

Clive and I surveyed the park from the top of the fort. I looked out to the edge of the park, across the road and then over the field to the old, abandoned barn, wondering what was inside. My uncle had told me it was over a hundred years old.

"We should go to the barn," said Clive, his eyes also on the barn.

"Uncle Joe told us not to," I said.

"Come on, Kev. It will be fine. I'm sure there is nothing in there other than rats, hay and deevils."

"I don't know," I said. I saw a girl come out of the barn, heading our way. "Who is that?"

"I don't know," said Clive, a strange tone in his voice. "I think we're going to find out, though."

We stayed at the top of the fort as the girl approached, finally making it to the base of the fort, saying, "What are you dummies doing up there?"

"We are waiting for you," said Clive.

"Well, the wait is over, isn't it?" said the girl, now climbing to the top of the fort.

She reached the top and faced Clive and me, giving us a full examination before saying, "Well, Kev, are you going to kiss me or not?"

I glanced a Clive, now wearing a sly grin on his face, looked at the girl, and said, "What?"

"You're my husband, aren't you? Give your wife a kiss," said the girl.

"How do you know my name?" I said.

"He doesn't remember a thing, does he?" said the girl to Clive.

"Not one thing," chuckled Clive.

"What are you guys talking about?" I said, terribly confused.

"Rules are rules, Kev," said the girl. "Now are you going to kiss me or not?"

I gave the girl a tentative peck on the cheek and pulled back. Looking down, I saw a ring on one of her fingers, a small, silver band with an amethyst. I remembered that ring, but did not know how.

Fully aware of the fact that I often forgot things, I didn't think it that odd that I would forget the girl. However, I found her exchange with Clive quite perplexing. Clive knew this girl. I was sure of it. How did he know her? "Do you two know each other?" I said.

"I would say we all know each other now, wouldn't you agree?" said the girl, a perfect non-answer, and one that I accepted, perhaps because I believed I would get no better answer.

"What rules are you talking about?" I said.

"The Rules," said Clive. "Don't worry, Kev. You'll figure it out."

"Figure what out?" I said, now curious again.

"Things and stuff," said the girl. "Do you two bozos want to do something fun, or are you just going to stand at the top of this fort all day?"

"Like what?" I said.

"Why don't we go to Uthio Minor and have some green tea? Maybe that will help you with your memory problems," said the girl.

"Uthio Minor? Where is that?" I said.

"About thirty-seven billion light-years from here," said Clive.

I looked at Clive and saw the sly grin still plastered on his face, and then looked back at the girl and noticed a softer, almost sad smile.

"You two know each other, don't you? Are you playing a trick on me?" I said.

"Why don't we go to Uthio Minor, Kev," said the girl.

Space distorted and the park disappeared, now replaced by a beach lined with hundred foot tall palm trees. Not far away, I saw an outdoor bar of sorts. Behind the bar, I saw a creature that looked like a giant bug. Had I seen that creature before? Didn't I know its name?

"Come on," said the girl, taking my hand and leading me to the bar, Clive following after us.

We sat at the bar, and the bug came over to us and said, "Hey, guys. I take it you're here for green tea." The bug looked at me. At least, I thought it was looking at me. "You remember me, Kev?"

"Um, no. Where are we?" I said, a little nervous, more than a little amazed.

"We're on Uthio Minor, dummy," said the girl. "This is our home."

Home. This was my home. Was this my home? I didn't reject the idea for reasons that escaped me. "Would you please tell me what's going on?" I said.

"No can do," said Clive. "You're going to have to figure it out on your own."

"Why?" I said, suddenly annoyed. I wasn't used to people toying with me this way. Most people who knew me were quite helpful when my memory acted up. Why were these people--well, two people and a bug—messing with me?

"Tell you what," said the bug. "Why don't you have a green tea?" The bug turned away from us, preparing three green teas. I looked at the girl and said, "How do I know you? Can't you tell me that?"

"You have always known me. You know, I hope I didn't just break the rules," said the girl.

"Nah," said Clive. "Anyway, don't you think this has gone on long enough?"

"What has gone on long enough?" I said.

"You'll see," said the girl.

"Who is the bug?" I whispered to the girl, wondering if I should call the bug a bug, not wanting to insult it.

"His name is Brok. Ring any bells?" said the girl.

Brok served us three glasses of vaguely greenish liquid. I picked up my glass and gave it the sniff test. This was definitely not green tea, or, at least, not any green tea I could remember. "What is this?" I said.

"You should know, Kev," laughed Brok. Was that a laugh? It sounded more like gurgling mixed with squeaks.

"You know," I said. "I'm getting pretty sick of this. Would somebody please tell me what is going on? How did we get here? Who are you? Where are we?"

Brok, the girl, and Clive all looked at each other, as if they were debating telling me something.

"Drink your tea, Kev," said Brok.

I took a sip of the tea, experiencing a taste both familiar and new. I heard the sounds of children laughing and playing, followed by a voice, which said, "Hello, Kev. Welcome to The This Might Surprise You Experience."

I looked around for the source of the voice, a woman's voice that I had heard many times before. The girl patted me on the back and said, "It's in your head, Kev. Just relax."

"Now, listen closely," said the voice. "You are in grave danger. The entire universe is in grave danger. All creation, including you, might soon come to a very sudden end if you don't get your act together. Do you understand, Kev? Do you understand?"

"No," I said. I looked at the others, at the expectant looks on their faces.

The world went dark and then in a matter of seconds a countless number of thoughts and visions entered into me. I experienced my life, a life lived an infinite number of times, a confusing and often frightening life. I remembered the girl and Clive. I recalled Bri, the Proth Sphere and Jesus. I remembered Aputi and then every living soul that had ever inhabited any of the infinite universes that ever existed. In that instant, I remembered absolutely everything and knew exactly who I was.

The moment passed and I found myself staring at the girl and Clive, my memory fading, total understanding turning into total confusion.

The world disappeared, and I appeared in my house in Connecticut, in my bedroom, standing in front of my desk, a black cube with a blue button in my hand. I pressed the button once and nothing happened. I pressed it twice and, again, nothing happened. I pressed it three times and appeared in a city on a river. I pressed it four times and felt a little dizzy. I paused before pressing the button five times, perhaps knowing what would happen. When I pressed the button five times the world blinked and I found myself back at the bar on Uthio Minor.

"Do you understand, Kev?" said the woman's voice. "Do you understand?"

"Understand what?" I said.

"Oh well, I tried," said the voice.

I looked at the girl and Clive.

"Well?" said the girl.

"Well what?" I said.

"Oh my God, this is never going to end," said Clive.

"What are you talking about?" I said.

"Rules are rules, Kev," said the girl, sadly.

I wanted to scream.

The girl and Clive both took sips of green tea and then drifted off into space for a couple of minutes, saying nothing. I looked at Brok, who said, "They'll be back. Green tea."

I had no memory of my green tea experience and had no understanding of what the girl and Clive were experiencing.

When they came out of their trance, they looked at each other and in unison said, "Surth Beta."

We appeared in a quaint city full of old buildings, many of which had glass fronts, through which we could see an assortment of alien creatures, some sitting by themselves, some in pairs. Those in pairs were all connected to each other by wires, a strange sight. Through one window, I saw a giant brain floating in a vat of liquid. I had a memory of that brain, a brain with no name.

"Where are we?" I said.

"Surth Beta," said Clive. "You remember this place?"

"I remember that, I think," I said, pointing to the brain in a vat.

The girl and Clive looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

I noticed a strange centipede-like creature standing outside the door that led into the room that housed the brain in the vat. It was holding a sign that read, "Have total recall. Know everything (almost)."

"Anything you feel like doing, Kev?" said the girl.

Ignoring the girl and Clive, I approached the centipede and said, "I'd like to have total recall."

"Hey, Kev," said the centipede. "Forgotten again, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess. Can you give me all of my memories back?"

"Well, not all of your memories, but enough to help you understand. Or you could go for the big package, but I wonder if that might be too much for you right now."

"What do I do?"

"Follow me," said the centipede, opening the door and leading me into the room with the brain in the vat. It connected an electrode to my temple and left.

"So, Kev, what will it be? You want to have everything I have or just what you had all of the other times you connected to me?" said a voice, a voice I assumed belonged to the brain in the vat.

I thought about that for a moment, a little confused. "What do you mean by everything?" I said.

"All of the memories of all of the creatures that ever connected to me."

"How many is that?"

"Well, let's see. I think last time you were here I had about twelve trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion...well, quite a lot. It's been awhile. I'm guessing I have somewhere around thirty-seven quadrillion, quadrillion, quadrillion...anyway, you get the point."

"Memories?" I said.

"No, groups of memories, one group for each instance a being connected to me, all of the memories of the being at that time."

"That sounds like a lot."

"Yeah, but you can handle it. After all, you have a class nine mind."

"What does that mean?"

"Tell you what, Kev. Take the big package. I think everyone will be happier if you do."

"Why?"

"You'll see."

"Fine," I said. I looked through the glass at the girl and Clive, both staring at me. What were they thinking? Is this what they wanted me to do? What had gone on long enough? I had no clue.

"Brace yourself," said the brain.

In a flash, an inconceivable number of memories became mine. I pulled the electrode off my head, now staring at the girl and Clive. I knew who they were, or at least who I believed they were when I had previously connected to the brain. I didn't know what the rules were. I didn't know Clive was Satan and that he wanted to end all creation, but I knew that something was up with him, and I felt quite suspicious of him. The girl, however, I felt nothing but love for. I felt bad about what I was about to do, but I had no choice.

"I'm going to recreate the universe," I screamed and then teleported to Earithon, into a small workshop on that planet, a planet almost identical to Earth. There I found the Proth Sphere hovering in a corner of the workshop.

"Hey, Kev," said the sphere. "Want to connect?"

"I sure do," I said.

I knew that everyone in the universe was in on something, something that I might have created and then forgotten, and knew that the rules prohibited any of them from offering any material assistance. That included the girl, Clive, Bri, the Proth Sphere, and Jesus, although I had a vague memory of Jesus helping me once.

I intended to recreate the universe in a way that would essentially force everyone to help me. I wanted to know, and in that instant, convinced I was playing some game, I desperately wanted to win.

I grabbed onto the sphere and did what I believed would institute this change in reality, focusing all of my thought on creating a new universe that would not be set against me.

"I'm sorry, Kev, but I can't do that," said the sphere.

"What?" I said.

"Rules are rules. I can't help you. Now, if you want to have a giant nozzle come and suck up the entire universe or change the entire universe into a giant theme park or something like that, I'd be more than happy to help, but I'm not going to let you cheat."

"Cheat?" I cried. "How is this cheating? What rule says you can't do this?"

"Well, that would be rule eight, actually. Sorry, Kev."

"Dammit. What are the other rules?" I said.

"Can't tell you that. I shouldn't have told you about rule eight."

"Well can you tell me how many rules there are?"

"I guess. There are thirty-seven rules. There are always thirty-seven rules."

"Always? What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Anyway, you're going to have to figure it out on your own."

In that instant, I remembered the black cube and reached into my pocket, grabbing it. I should note that, at the time, I had the black, red and clear cubes in my possession.

I remembered something about pressing the button five times on the black cube, something I should never do, but something I felt I must, for reasons unknown.

"You sure you want to do that?" said the sphere.

"Are you breaking the rules right now?" I said, suspecting the sphere was offering help, but wondering if it was trying to stop me from doing something that would allow me to win this game.

"You know, I'm not entirely sure. Go ahead and do it. Let's see what happens."

I pressed the button five times, blacking out and falling to the ground.

Thirty-seven days later, I opened my eyes and saw a girl who looked identical to the girl hovering over me, a look of concern on her face. I was in bed. I knew more than I could have possibly imagined I could ever know, but I knew I did not know everything.

"Are you okay?" she said.

"Yes," I said. "Thank you for taking care of me. Have you seen a floating yellow sphere of energy recently?"

"It left a few days ago; said it wanted to connect with someone named Aputi, but I don't know who that is," she said.

"I do," I said, recalling the horrific nightmare Aputi had once had, realizing that if the Proth Sphere connected to Aputi, all creation--absolutely everything--would be lost.

Would the sphere really connect with him? It would know what he possessed. Would it really end everything? I couldn't take any chances.

At the time I pressed the button five times, Aputi had been in Barrow, Alaska, at the time making plans for pnukes, part of his plan to end humanity, something I now realized Clive put him up to. Why would Clive do that?

I teleported to Aputi's home in Barrow, a small shack on the outskirts of town, finding him standing by his sink, preparing a glass of green tea.

Aputi looked at me, shock on his face. "Kev. I didn't expect to see you this soon. What brings you here?"

"Have you seen the Proth Sphere?" I said.

"Well, no...I mean, what is the Proth Sphere?"

I eyed the wrinkly, little man suspiciously. While I was concerned about the possibility that the sphere might come here and try to connect with Aputi, I had other questions weighing heavily upon me. Why had Clive hired Aputi to end humanity? Why had Clive elected to be the first person that Aputi's pnukes would kill some ten years in the future? I knew Aputi didn't know the answer and knew that Clive would never give me the answer.

Something dawned on me in that instant. Aputi already had killed off humanity many times, but in different lives. Countless times he had enlisted me to help him find the yellow cube, a cube I had given him many times after he manipulated me. I realized that I had lived many lives, most remarkably similar to each other. The majority of these lives appeared to have ended at two different places in relative time. The only way I knew this was I had the memories of all of the beings that had ever interacted with me and I could tell when they had stopped interacting with me, and then I could tell when their lives suddenly came to a halt all at the same time, and they started over. In fact, I saw this pattern over and over again in my memories; all of the lives of all of the beings in the universe cut off and then restarted in a single moment. What could this mean? I kept searching my memories and realized that this had all started at the moment I inadvertently killed myself while in hell with Clive. I had done that many times after the first time. I had done that many times, leading up to a final time that led to a new pattern, one in which I lived my life up until I was living in Vermont after graduating from college, up until the day after Max, the last person to see me, saw me for the last time in each of the lives that followed that pattern. In that pattern, always about a day after the last time Max saw me, everyone in the universe died and was reborn, reborn on the day of my ninth birthday. How many times had that happened? What caused it?

I remembered the voice telling me I was stuck in a loop, and in this instant understood what it meant, although I did not fully understand the nature of the loop. I puzzled on it for a while before concluding I was wasting my time. I would not find the answer. I focused on Aputi. I had to find somewhere to hide him, somewhere the sphere couldn't find him.

This begged the question, how much did the sphere know at any given time? Could it track everything that happened in the infinite universes or was it only Bri who could do that? Bri could do that? I remembered Bri telling me that in some past life. What did the sphere know?

I took a step back. How many times had the Proth Sphere told the girl on Earithon that it was going to find Aputi, and how many times had I come after Aputi to take him to some safe place? I couldn't count the number of times that had happened. I knew I never actually tried to hide Aputi, that I would come to him in Barrow with the intention of hiding him somewhere, and I would talk to him, and the conversation would inevitably drift to subject of Clive. I questioned him countless times about working for Clive, getting very few answers, each time getting to a point in the conversation, often in different ways, where I gave up and left, not taking Aputi with me to hide him. I sifted through those conversations, looking for a pattern.

Aputi definitely did not know why I ultimately chose not to hide him each time. I was certain of that. So, what had he said to me? I had the memories, but in my frantic state, I couldn't piece things together. The only thing that offered any clue was the fact that I had, over and over again, left Aputi there, essentially out in the open for the sphere. If that had happened over and over and all creation had not come to a terrible end, then would it come to an end if I left him here now? That struck me as highly unlikely. However, I did not understand why it was so.

I sifted through Aputi's recent memories, memories from this life, memories leading up until the moment I pressed the button on the black cube five times. I realized Clive had hired Aputi to work with the Canadians to end humanity thirty-eight days ago, at least in this life. However, that didn't make sense. I was with Clive at the precise moment when Clive hired Aputi. Had Clive somehow traveled in time to do this? If so, from when did he travel? Did it even matter? I knew Aputi didn't know the answer, so I abandoned that line of thought, going back to the issue of the sphere.

Would the sphere really try to connect to Aputi? It hadn't in the past. I believed the sphere knew where Aputi was, for whatever reason. If that were so, wouldn't it have immediately come to Aputi after telling the girl on Earithon that it was going to connect with him? Something clicked.

The sphere had told the girl on Earithon that it was going to connect with Aputi because it wanted me to visit Aputi. It didn't intend to connect with him. Why did it want me to visit Aputi? What was I missing? Was the sphere trying to help me? Was it telling me something? Maybe it was telling me that it couldn't end all creation by connecting with Aputi, a strange conclusion to draw, but the one I drew. If that was the case, then the sphere might only be able to end all creation if it connected with me, because I now had Aputi's nightmare drifting around in my mind.

I was unconscious for thirty-seven days, unconscious but in possession of Aputi's nightmare. The sphere could have connected to me in that time and wiped everything out. It didn't do that. It didn't do that because it didn't want to do that.

I had another realization in that instant. The sphere didn't want to connect with me at all. However, someone wanted the sphere to connect with me. Someone wanted to end all creation. Who?

None of my memories pointed to a suspect. However, I didn't have absolutely everyone's memories. Those of Clive, the girl, Bri, the sphere and Jesus were missing from my mind. I knew Clive, the girl and Bri would not help me, and believed the sphere had already done all that it was going to do to help me. I vaguely remembered Jesus helping me in the past, although my memories of that were quite foggy. Would he help me now?

I teleported to ancient Israel, to Nazareth, to the home of Jesus, a boy at the time. He looked at me when I appeared and said, "I am happy you came to me, my friend. We need to talk."

"I know. You need to tell me what is going on. Who wants to end all creation?"

Jesus smiled sadly and said, "Don't you already know?"

"Know what?" I said, forgetting my previous lines of thought.

"Maybe you don't. Interesting. I'll come right out with it, then. Clive is Satan. He is trying to end all creation by connecting you to the Proth Sphere. I take it you pressed the button on the black cube five times, did you not?"

"Yes."

"So, you have Aputi's nightmare?"

"Yes."

"Then you are exposing all creation to great danger. You must find a way to eliminate that nightmare from your mind. If Clive catches you and connects you to the sphere, that will be the end, a very absolute end."

"Clive is Satan?"

"Yes."

I had few memories of my thoughts about God in all of my infinite lives. The ones I did have centered on my doubt that God existed. In this moment, I found that I had a very profound belief in God. I believed that Jesus told the truth when he said Clive was Satan, and I accepted the idea that Satan would want to end all creation, my understanding of Satan largely influenced by what I had learned as a child, a rather limited view of the truth.

"But, what if Clive figures out that Aputi had that nightmare?" I said.

"The sphere can only end all creation if it gets the nightmare from your mind, Kev. You must be rid of it as soon as possible. You are not safe here or anywhere, for that matter."

"Do you know how I can get rid of it?" I said.

"That I do not know. However, you should know if you pressed the button on the black cube five times."

I searched my memories and found something interesting. At one point, Aputi had seen the instructions for the black cube, instructions I had forgotten. One of the instructions read, "Press the button six times if you have pressed the button five times." The preceding rule stated, "Never press the button five times." Of course. Pressing the button six times would eliminate the nightmare from my mind. Who created those instructions? Who created the black cube? Did I? Was this a message to myself, a warning?

"I see you have figured it out," said Jesus.

"I think so. I think I know what I have to do."

"Good luck, Kev. I love you. I hope you know that."

"I love you too. Goodbye."
Unknowing

I teleported back to the park in Macon, Georgia, to a moment not long after the moment the girl brought Clive and me to Uthio Minor, to the top of the fort, pulled out the black cube and pressed the button six times, immediately blacking out.

Thirty-seven days later, I woke in a hospital in Macon, virtually all of my memories wiped away. However, I remembered Clive, who was now sitting beside my bed, my father, who stood at the end of my bed, my mother, standing beside my father, Uncle Joe, standing next to my mother, and the girl, standing beside me, holding my hand.

I did not know that Clive was Satan, and new nothing about a plot to end all creation. I had no memory of Jesus or the Proth Sphere, no memory of Bri or of any of the infinite lives I had lived. I remembered nothing of other worlds or aliens, nothing of the future and quite little of my past.

I saw the ring on the girl's finger and felt tears come to my eyes, realizing how much I loved her despite the fact I had known her only a short time, at least so I thought in my present state.

"Welcome back, Kev," said the girl, leaning over and kissing me. The others all came to my side.

"What happened?" I said.

They all looked at each other for a while, and then the girl said, "You made a decision."

"What kind of decision?" I said, somewhat confused.

"You decided to forget, but I'm happy you did not forget me."

I looked at Clive. He wore a dark look, perhaps annoyed in some way.

"What is the date?" I said.

"October eighth," said Uncle Joe.

"Shouldn't I be in school?" I said, forgetting everything about making a decision, any doubt I had about the present situation vanishing.

"Your father and I are going to take you home for a few days with Clive, and then I will take the two of you to school," said my mom.

I looked at the girl, realizing that she would not be coming with us, feeling despair creeping over me.

"Don't worry, Kev. I'll find you. I always do."

Back at school, Clive and I settled into a routine of sorts. Although my memories of my time with Clive were vague at best, I knew something had changed between us. He seemed distant and depressed at times, not engaged and less eager to play, devoting most of his time to his studies. In fact, he seemed quite reflective, often speaking of philosophical matters like the existence of God and the nature of knowledge, with an emphasis on memory, something he would talk about quite often.

"Do you think if you can't remember a thing, you don't know that thing, even though it is somewhere in your mind, Kev?" he asked once.

"I don't know. I suppose when you remember it, you know it," I replied.

"What do you think you know that you have forgotten?"

"I don't know yet. I guess I won't know until I remember."

"Yeah, but what do you think you know?" he pressed.

"I don't know."

"Do you know who you are?"

"I don't know. Who am I?" I said. I felt the little, clear cube vibrate, as it always did when I asked such questions, but did not pull it out to examine it, having long since given up on trying to discover its nature.

"It's vibrating, isn't it?" said Clive.

"Yeah," I said.

"What do you think that means?"

"How should I know? It's just a stupid, clear cube."

"I think it's much more than that. I think it is your memories, trying to come back to you," said Clive.

"Yeah, well, it must be broken, because they're not coming back."

"Maybe you should ask yourself other questions," said Clive, now much more engaged.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, but if I did, I would tell you. I would definitely tell you. I'm sick of waiting for you to get your head on straight."

"What does that mean?" I said.

"Who do you think you are?" he said.

"I told you, I don't know."

"I think you're God, Kev. I think you have forgotten you are God."

"You're a kook, Clive."

"I almost believe you. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe this is just some strange simulation and we are all just little programs running in some predetermined way."

"Oh, so we don't have free will?" I said.

"Who knows? Remember you brought up free will, Kev. I didn't break that part of the rule."

"What are you talking about? What rule?"

"I don't know. I think it's rule ten. I wasn't really paying attention at the time," said Clive, yawning.

"I have no clue what you are talking about."

"You probably never will at the rate you're going."

"Why don't we play The Show?" I said, thinking this might get Clive out of his funk.

"Nah. I already know what I need to know."

"Chess?"

"I'm sick of games, sick of this game. Why don't you just remember who you are and end this thing?"

"What the heck does that mean?" I said. "What is all this stuff about rules and games?"

"Never mind. Look, I'm going to take a nap. Wake me when you figure something out, okay?"

Clive turned over on his bed and went to sleep.

The year passed much the same way. I asked Clive to stay with me for the summer a few days before summer break, but he declined, saying I needed some time to reflect on things and he would only be a distraction.

That summer, I spent most of my time playing in my fort, sometimes writing in my journal, but never going back and reading it, still uncomfortable with the thought of reading the things the voice had told me to write, things I didn't remember, but knew enough about to know I didn't want to read them.

That August, Uncle Joe brought me down to his farm. By this time, I had completely forgotten about the girl, and could barely remember Clive. I felt somehow disconnected from the world, uncertain and lost. So I was when the girl came to me in the park while I was standing at the top of the fort, reflecting on a life I barely remembered.

"What are you doing up there, dummy?" she said, taking me by surprise. I looked down at her, seeing her dirty clothes and mismatched shoes, wondering if I knew her.

She climbed to the top of the fort and gave me a soft punch on the shoulder. "Whatcha doin?" she said.

"Just thinking. What's your name?"

She frowned. "I hoped you would remember me."

"I know you?" I said.

She held out her hand, showing me a ring, a small silver band with an amethyst. It didn't look familiar. "It's pretty," I said.

"You gave it to me, Kev," she said.

"Oh, I do know you, don't I?" I said, feeling bad for forgetting her, but still not remembering her at all.

I saw tears forming in her eyes before she turned away from me, crying.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I forget things, but I guess you know that already."

"I know," she said. "I just wish you wouldn't forget me all the time. It is a shitty thing to do. Crap. Rule twenty-one. Rule twenty-one."

"What is rule twenty-one?" I said, confused.

"It's nothing, Kev. I sometimes have potty mouth. It's against the rules."

"What rules?" I said, vaguely remembering some kid in school telling me something about some rules.

"I'm sorry, but I can't answer that. Rule one."

"Well, if you can't tell me, why are you telling me anything at all?"

"I don't know. I am an ass. Ugh, rule twenty-one. Rule twenty-one."

"Stop that."

"I can't help it, Kev."

"What's your name?" I said.

"I don't have a name. I'm just the girl. I wish you could remember. Maybe you could wish you could remember. Shit. Rule twenty-six and rule twenty-one. Don't be mad at me, Kev. I can't help it. I feel so hopeless."

"Why do you feel hopeless?"

"I'm not supposed to tell you, but I'm going to tell you anyway. You're stuck in a loop. You need to find a way out."

I had heard this before, but from whom I did not know. "What loop?"

"Kev, wish to remember everything. You have the red cube now, don't you? Wish to remember everything. Please," said the girl.

I reached in my pocket and pulled out three small cubes, red, black and clear. I looked at the red one for a moment and then looked at the girl, who had turned back to face me, her cheeks wet with tears. I desperately wanted to kiss her in that moment. I could think of nothing other than that, and forgot everything she had said leading up until that moment. I leaned over and kissed her.

The girl grabbed me and hugged me tight, sobbing now.

"What's wrong with you?" I said.

"Do you remember anything I've said?"

"Like what?" I said, remembering nothing she had said.

"It's nothing. Why don't we go home and have some green tea?"

"Home?"

"To Uthio Minor."

"I live in Connecticut. Where do you live? By the way, what is your name?"

"I don't have a name. I just told you that. That does it. We're going to Uthio Minor."

"Where is that?" I said.

"About thirty-seven billion light-years from here."

The world around us distorted and disappeared. We then appeared on a beach, near an outdoor bar. I saw hundred foot tall palm trees lining the beach. This was, perhaps, the most beautiful place I had ever seen, familiar yet completely foreign.

The girl walked me over to the bar and we sat next to each other. A strange, bug-like creature about six feet tall standing behind the bar approached and said, "He's forgotten, hasn't he?"

"Yes, Brok," said the girl.

Brok. I knew that name.

"Time for some green tea, Kev," said Brok, placing a glass of greenish liquid in front of me. I looked at the girl and she nodded, so I picked up the glass and took a sip.

I heard children laughing and playing and then heard a woman's voice. I looked around for the source of the voice, but saw nobody other than Brok and the girl.

"Hello, for the bazillionth time, Kev. Blah, blah, blah, and so forth. Welcome to The Do We Really Have to Go Through This Yet Again Experience," said the voice.

"Who are you?" I said.

"I'm your fairy godmother. Now, pay attention. Maybe it will sink in this time."

I saw flash of light and then darkness, followed by a complete replay of my life or lives, an infinite number thereof. For ten seconds I knew who I was, or at least who I had been. I did not know I was God, but I started to suspect I was. I remembered everyone in the universes, the infinite universes, including Clive...Satan. I knew he was trying to end all creation, and knew that if he captured me, he would do just that. I saw another flash of light and then appeared in the park, kneeling in front of the girl, placing a ring on her finger. She knelt down in front of me and said, "I love you forever."

I found myself sitting at the bar, Brok and the girl looking at me expectantly.

"Well?" said the girl.

"Well, what?" I said, having no memory of anything that had happened.

"It's pointless," said the girl, looking at Brok.

"Hey, do either of you know my friend, Clive?" I said, now remembering Clive and wondering where he might be.

The girl looked at me, clearly surprised. "You remember Clive?"

"Sure. He's my best friend," I said. "Do you know him?"

"What else do you remember?" said Brok.

"I don't know. Why are you looking at me like that, Brok?"

"What else do you remember, Kev?" said the girl, squeezing my arm.

"I don't know. Not much, really. Why?" I said.

The girl broke into tears, and I tried to comfort her, but nothing worked.

"Maybe you should get Clive," said Brok.

"No, it's pointless. He's not going to remember. Maybe I should just take him back to the park and let him live his life. Maybe he'll figure it out on his own," said the girl.

"What are you two talking about?" I said.

Ignoring me, Brok said, "Maybe you're right."

The girl took my hand and said, "Goodbye, Kev. I love you. I hope you figure it out. I wish I could be with you to help you, but it is far too painful for me. I know that is selfish of me, but I'm just not strong enough. Please understand." Again, the world around me distorted, and then I found myself standing alone at the top of the fort, wondering what Uncle Joe was doing, thinking this might be a good time to go fly some planes.

Several years later, I returned to Macon, now sixteen years old. Clive had transferred to another school that year, some place in Hawaii, and although I remembered him to some extent, I didn't remember much. I had no memory of the girl and absolutely no understanding of who I was.

I went to the park every day, feeling it my duty to go there, feeling like someone was going to meet me there, and meet me there she did, but only on the last day of my visit.

I had been sitting on one of the benches in the park, thinking about my parents. They had died that year in a car accident, their car struck by a semi hauling a shipment of maple syrup. I had been living with my aunt, doing my best to cope with their loss, but found myself inconsolable.

She came to me then, now older, beautiful beyond compare, angelic and pure, and I remembered her and immediately broke down, my grief unbearable.

She took me to Riddent, to the Lost Hope Hotel, where we got married and spent three beautiful and peaceful days together. We talked about many things, but she shed no light on who I was or what was going on. She never mentioned the rules, never broke the rules, and never expressed any amount of sadness. She had accepted things and was determined to see things through, for better or for worse.

In that time, I remembered some things, but chose not to ask her questions. I knew that questions would only make her sad and wanted to just be with her and show her how much I loved her.

On the fourth day, I woke up, having forgotten everything. I remember waking up next to her and asking her who she was. I remember her tears and then returning to Macon. I remember her kissing me goodbye and telling me she would see me again some day.

I graduated a year later and moved to Boston, having been accepted to MIT. I spent two years there before dropping out, feeling stifled in that place, despite the fact that I wanted to expand my knowledge as much as possible. I had a strong desire at that time to find a way to make contact with alien races, believing there was life elsewhere and thinking I must find a way to reach out.

After dropping out, I moved to a small town in Vermont, buying a house with part of the insurance money I received after my parents' deaths. I had enough money left over to sustain me for some time, so I set to work developing a device that would allow me to send faster than light signals to any part of the universe I chose.

The device took two years to develop. In that time, I suffered from acute depression, often wondering if life was truly worth living. I knew I had memory problems, knew that I had a life that I would never recall, and wondered if continuing this way was worth it.

Clive had hunted me down at one point and given me a call. We spent our time on the phone talking about our childhood and the time we had spent together, Clive reminding me of many things, but never mentioning The Show or the girl. He seemed sad, and I asked him what was wrong, but all he would say was, "I just wish you could remember, Kev. I think you would be a lot happier if you could remember."

On the day I finished building the communications device, I put together a package of data that included pretty much every piece of digital media I possessed, books, programs, music, things I had written, and a variety of other things. I attached a suicide note to the package and then sent it to every possible point in the universe.

Moments later, I received responses, thousands upon thousands of responses. Most of them were about something called a Flogulator, a device that could help you with an overly sleepy or overly alert flog, whatever that was. One of them was from someone who called herself Ruby. She claimed to be my wife. She claimed that I had disappeared and told me she was going to come right over. She did not want me to kill myself. I immediately forgot about this message, went into the bathroom and grabbed all my pills, went into the kitchen and poured a glass of water, and then went into the family room and sat on the couch.

I poured all of the pills on my coffee table and started taking them, three at a time, starting with my sleeping pills. At that point, a beautiful woman in a tight fitting, red dress entered my home and rushed over to me.

She looked at the pills on the coffee table and said, "How many have you taken?" quite alarmed.

"I don't know. Maybe nine. Who are you?" I said.

"I'm your wife, Kev. Please don't do this."

"What's the point? I can't remember anything. There is no point in living."

"You will remember, Kev. I am going to help you remember."

I saw a blur as Ruby's hand shot out over my glass of water and then back, but didn't think much of it, believing the sleeping pills were making me hallucinate. I took a sip of the water and said, "How are you going to help me remember?"

Ruby kissed me softly and said, "Do you remember that? Come to the bedroom with me."

I took a sip of water, my eyes on Ruby. I felt the pills taking hold of me, but not in the way I expected. In that moment, I felt quite giddy, and in that moment, going to the bedroom with Ruby struck me as a wonderful idea.

I awoke next to a naked alien wearing a broad grin on her, his or its face, jumped out of bed and cried, "What are you?" In that moment, I remembered everything we had done.

"Relax, Kev. We've done it before. You should be happy. I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant? Who are you? What are you?"

"I'm Ruby, you silly man. Don't you remember me? I thought this would make you remember, but I guess I misjudged the situation."

I threw on my clothes, rushed out of the house and down the street to the bar. Inside, I sat at the bar and ordered a screwdriver, my drink of choice.

"You sure you don't want a green tea, Kev?" said Max, a concerned look on his face.

"What? Green tea? No thanks. I need something strong," I said.

"There is nothing stronger than green tea," said Max.

"Oh, well fine, I'll have that."

The front door to the bar opened, and in walked Ruby, now appearing as the beautiful woman who had taken me to the bedroom and done unspeakable things to me, with me--I wasn't entirely sure. She sat down next to me, placing her hand on my thigh.

"What are you?" I said, my eyes wild with fear.

"Oh, hi, Ruby," called out Max from the other end of the bar.

"Hey, Max," replied Ruby.

"What are you?" I said.

"I'm a Nidian, the mother of your four sons, the four Kev's. Well, also your soon to be fifth son."

"What? You're joking, right?"

"Not at all. I could take you to meet the four Kev's if you like. The fifth will be born in about an hour, and then I won't be able to have any more children."

Max came over and dropped off a glass of greenish liquid, winking at me but saying nothing and then drifting off to the other end of the bar.

"This is a nightmare. Wake up, Kev. Wake up," I said.

Ruby squeezed my thigh and said, "I can assure you this is not a nightmare, my dearest. Why don't you take a sip of tea? That will help you, I hope."

I took a sip of the tea and had The Isn't This Getting Old Experience, followed by a quite vivid replay of what Ruby and I had done together most recently.

"What the hell?" I cried.

"Do you remember?" said Ruby.

"Remember what? You drugged me and took advantage of me!"

"Well, I'm a Nidian. Goes with the territory."

"Nidian? What the hell?" I looked at Max, and, again, he winked at me. What the hell was going on? If this wasn't a nightmare, what was it and when would it end?

Ruby sighed. "I guess it's not going to work, Max."

"Yeah, maybe not," said Max.

"What's not going to work?" I said.

"Don't worry about it," said Ruby. "I tried. Can't say I didn't know this would happen."

"What would happen? What the hell is going on?" I cried. The other patrons of the bar all looked at me, not surprised, sympathy on their faces.

Barry walked over to me and patted me on the shoulder. "It's okay, Kev. You'll remember eventually. Right, guys? He'll remember."

I heard many voices saying things like, "Yeah, sure he will," or "Not soon enough." I heard one person say, "I'm going to kill myself and sit this one out."

"Maybe you need to go check your messages on that communications device of yours, Kev," said Barry.

I had never told anyone about my communications device. How did Barry know about that? Something was not right, and I knew, in that instant, that nobody here would tell me a damned thing, the bastards.

I rose from my seat and said, "I am leaving now. I do not want any of you to follow me. Thou shalt not follow me!" I stormed out of the bar and returned home.
The Girl

Back home, completely uncertain of pretty much everything, I checked the messages on my communications device. I had received an additional thousand or so messages advertising the Flogulator. It seemed spammers existed everywhere in the universe.

Someone sent a request for a copy of Breakfast of Champions, which I packaged and sent over along with a brief note reading, "You might want to read Galapagos as well, one of my favorites."

Another message read, "Do you remember me now?" Remember who? I was sick of thinking about forgetting and remembering and deleted the message.

The next message read, "Don't delete my messages, Kev. Do you remember me?"

I wrote back, "No," and deleted the message.

The next one, from the same sender, read, "Kev, you have to get out of your house immediately. Go to the bar. The Canadians are coming for you."

I replied, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Get out of the house now!"

I heard a slamming sound, like someone trying the break open the front door. That couldn't be good. I jumped up from my seat, opened the window and climbed out, and then raced through the woods, trying to keep out of sight. I reached the edge of the woods, across from the bar and scanned the area. I didn't see anyone, so I ran across the street and flew into the bar.

Max was waiting at the entrance, as if he knew I would come. He grabbed me by the arm and escorted me forcibly to the storage room. "Stay here," he said. I nodded but said nothing.

Max left me. Soon, I heard voices, some raised. Someone shouted, "Where is he, eh?" Another said, "When was the last time you saw him, you hoser?" I could not make out any of Max's responses.

The voices died down. I waited for what seemed like an eternity before Max returned to me, telling me it was safe to come out.

"Were those Canadians?" I said, still able to remember the text of the message that had warned me.

"Yeah, and they were pretty pissed, too," said Max.

I looked around the bar. There was nobody there other than Max. Where had everyone gone? Where was Ruby? Had I imagined Ruby? Was this a nightmare? "Why are they looking for me?"

"Because they are a bunch of nihilists is why. They are pissed that all creation hasn't come to an end and they hold you responsible for that," said Max. His face changed and he said, "Forget I said that, Kev. I was just talking out of my ass."

"Huh?"

Max sighed. "Look, I guess I've already spilled it, so here it is, at least what part I can explain at this point. The Canadians are pissed off because all creation hasn't ended. They believe you are responsible for that, and they want to capture you and force you to end all creation."

I wondered if Max had been drinking, but quickly dismissed that thought. I was certain someone was after me. However, Max's explanation was something straight out of a very bad dream I thought I might have once had. It made absolutely no sense.

"How could I end all creation?" I said, feeling strange, like I already knew the answer, although I couldn't recall the answer.

"I don't know, but they believe you can."

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to face a beautiful, young woman with black hair and eyes older than time itself. "I'll take it from here, Max," she said.

"Do I know you?" I said, recognizing her, but unable to remember her name.

She took a seat at the bar and motioned for me to sit next to her, which I dutifully did.

"Kev, listen carefully. You are in grave danger. All creation is in grave danger. Clive is using the Canadians to trap you so he can connect you to the Proth Sphere and end all creation. Do you remember any of that?"

"Absolutely not. Who is Clive?"

"Your best friend."

"Wait. My best friend is trying to end all creation? Are you messing with me?"

"Do you remember me, Kev?" she said.

"Vaguely. What's your name?"

"I don't have a name."

I remembered her saying that to me before. When had that happened? I thought of something and looked down at her hand, seeing a little, silver ring with an amethyst. I remembered her.

I reached out and pulled her to me, hugging her tightly, tears streaming down my face. How could I have forgotten her? How could I have forgotten my wife?

The girl pulled back and looked at me. "What do you remember?"

"I remember you."

"Is that all?"

"I remember Ruby," I said with a shudder.

"Well, we are all lucky Ruby stopped you from killing yourself again, so you should be happy," said the girl.

"Killing myself again? What are you talking about?"

"Kev, you are stuck in a loop. You keep coming to this point in time, depressed and alone, and you keep killing yourself, and each time you do that, things reset to the day of your ninth birthday. You've done this countless times, and nothing we have done up until now has stopped you. Don't you remember? Why didn't you kill yourself this time?"

I thought about that for a few seconds before saying, "Well, Ruby told me I had kids and I guess I thought it would be terrible to kill myself and leave them behind."

"You have more kids than you know, Kev. I know you don't remember, and I feel like a fool for not telling you all these times you've relived your life. You and I have a daughter, Soph. She's eighteen now."

"How is that possible? I'm only twenty-one."

"You are much older than that, my dear. I am so happy you're alive. This means something. I think you are going to figure things out, but you are going to have to hide or the Canadians will catch you and everything will come to a terrible end."

"You said Clive is using the Canadians to get me. I don't understand."

"He has brainwashed them, Kev. He has turned them into a bunch of nihilists. They want to end all creation. They believe you have the one nightmare that can end all creation."

"I don't have a nightmare about that. I mean, I have had a nightmare in which a giant nozzle sucks up the entire universe, but that is hardly ending all creation, right?"

"No, it's not that nightmare. It's Aputi's nightmare, or, at least, I think it is. You might have told me that once. Anyway, Clive wants to use the Proth Sphere on you to make that nightmare come true."

"If I don't have the nightmare, how can they use me to end all creation?"

"You do have the nightmare, but you don't remember it. All this time, Clive has believed that you would have to remember the nightmare for his plan to work, but now he believes that isn't true, so he is trying to catch you."

"Won't he think to find me here?" I said, suddenly quite alarmed, wondering at the same time who this Clive fellow was and why I didn't remember him.

"You have time, but you will have to leave soon. You have to figure things out. You have to figure out how to stop Clive."

"How do I do that?" I said.

"I don't know, but it is what you have to do."

"Well, I have nowhere to go. What should I do?"

"Do you have the cubes?" said the girl.

I had left the cubes on my desk next to the communications device, the only decoration I had on my desk. I had no clue what they were and now wondered why the girl wanted to know if I had them. "They are at home."

"Shit. Crap. Rule twenty-one. Rule twenty-one."

"What?"

"It's nothing. Look, you have to get the cubes and you have to figure out what they do. Do you understand, Kev? Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I guess, but won't the Canadians be looking for me there?"

"I'm not sure. You are going to have to find a way. Maybe wait it out a couple of days. Go to the inn. Do you remember it?"

Yes."

"Good. Go there and wait. I will get you when the coast is clear."

"Well, can't you just go and get the cubes for me?"

"No, Kev. I've already broken enough rules. Let's go to the inn."

We appeared outside of the inn. "What the hell? How did you do that? Did you do that?"

"I did it. You can do it too if you remember how."

"Can you tell me how to do it?"

"No. Against the rules."

"What rules?"

"I can't tell you. Look, stay here. I will come back. I shouldn't, but I will. I hope you're not going to be mad at me for breaking the rules."

"What rules? What are you talking about?"

Ignoring me, the girl said, "Look, if anyone tries to give you a blue cube, do not touch it. Do you understand? Never touch the blue cube. You will end up on The Show, and if you do, B24ME is going to torture you for all eternity. Remember."

The girl kissed me and disappeared.

The Cubes

Three days passed with no sign of the girl. I had not forgotten anything, and thanked God for that, praying I would be able to keep my memories, desperately afraid of being responsible for the end of all creation.

I wondered if the Canadians had captured the girl and thought I might have to risk going to my house to retrieve the cubes. I waited another day before making my attempt.

I walked back to my house, staying within the woods, out of sight of the road. When I reached my house, I stayed in the woods for an hour, watching the house, making sure nobody was there.

I entered through the window I had come out of days before and grabbed the cubes, pocketing them. Then I started climbing out of the window, stopping myself before I exited the house. What if the girl had sent me a message?

I climbed back in and checked my messages. There were at least a thousand messages about the Flogulator, which I ignored. There was one message from the girl. It read, "I love you, Kev. Be safe. I'm sorry I couldn't come back. Stupid rules."

I heard a noise in the house and quickly scrambled out of the window. I ran back into the woods and headed back toward the inn, thinking I would hole up there and try to figure out what these cubes were.

A minute or so later, I arrived, still in the woods and unwilling to leave the woods. A black SUV with a red maple leaf painted on the front door was parked outside the inn. I could see two men in black, both with red maple leafs painted on their chests, both carrying guns of some sort, maybe tasers. I had to find someplace else, someplace safe, but I was miles away from anywhere that might offer any safety. I had to find transportation of some sort.

I remembered a car dealership some twenty miles from my home. If I could make it there, I could buy a car and drive somewhere safe.

Five hours later, I arrived at the dealership, having seen no sign of the Canadians. I paid twenty grand for a bright orange compact and drove off the lot, heading south, but to where?

I decided to go to Glastonbury, Connecticut, my first home, making it there a few hours later, late in the afternoon. There I got a room at a hotel, now confident the Canadians would not find me.

In my room, I sat on my bed, placing the cubes on the mattress. First, I picked up the black cube, the cube with a button that didn't seem to do anything. How many times had I pressed that button? I could not remember. I pressed it once. Nothing happened. I pressed it twice, and still nothing happened. The girl said these were the key. This cube must have had some purpose. I pressed the button three times and appeared in a small city on a river. I was pretty sure I was in Peoria, having been there once before as a child.

I realized in that moment that I had left the clear cube and the red cube behind in my hotel room. How could I get back to the hotel? Maybe if I pressed the button four times, it would take me back. I pressed the button four times and felt a little dizzy. Maybe if I pressed it five times, I thought.

"Don't do it," said a familiar voice, a voice I knew as my own.

"Why?" I said.

"I don't know, but you shouldn't do it."

"Whatever. What do you know, anyway?" I pressed the button five times and blacked out, waking up in a hospital bed thirty-seven days later. I jumped out of bed, put on my clothes that were in a drawer in the table next to my bed, and then teleported to the hotel in Glastonbury, to the front desk.

The young man standing behind the front desk didn't seem the least bit surprised to see me appear out of nowhere. He smiled and said, "I take it you are looking for these," placing the red and clear cubes in front of me."

I thanked him and immediately teleported to my home on Uthio Minor, surprising the girl.

"Kev, what are you doing here?" said the girl, rushing over to hug me.

"I don't have much time. Have you seen Clive? Where is Soph?"

"I'm right here, dad," said Soph, behind me.

I let go of the girl and hugged Soph, overjoyed to see my daughter, relieved to remember her and all the time we had spent together.

"What's going on, Kev?" said the girl.

"I pressed the button five times," I said.

"I can see that. Have you figured out how to stop Clive?"

"Not yet, but I will. Have you seen him?"

"Not for weeks. I don't think he is going to come here. I think he knows I am onto him."

"Well, I know he was holed up in Canada at the time I pressed the button five times. Before that he was all over the place. I think he was searching for the Proth Sphere. He might have found it, but I'm not sure."

"So, what are you going to do, dad?" said Soph.

"I'm not sure. Don't you think it is just a little odd that Clive hasn't tried to use you two or Ruby and the Kev's for leverage? That seems odd to me."

The girl gave me a funny look, saying, "Yeah, that is odd, isn't it? Maybe Soph and I should go get Ruby and the boys and find somewhere to hide."

"Good idea. Okay. I'm going now."

"Where are you going?"

"Glastonbury. I need to look at my old journal."

I had told the girl about my journal before and how I was reluctant to read it. I was reluctant no more. I knew I had to read it, that it held the key.

"Why do you need to look at your old journal?" said the girl.

"Because somebody named Stacy Pierson read part of it forty days ago, an interesting part of it. I need to find out what else is written in it."
Return Contestant

I teleported outside of my fort behind my old home in Glastonbury, surprised to find a pale blue, bipedal alien with a cigarette dangling from its mouth staring at me from inside the fort. I knew who this alien was and I knew that there was no way on Earth that I was going to take the blue cube from him.

"No way," I said. "There is no way I am taking that thing from you."

"You really don't have much of a choice, Kev," said the alien, Chit.

I searched all of my memories, looking for some bit of information that would allow me to know what Chit meant, but found nothing. "Why is that?" I said.

"If you don't take the cube, you will never see Soph again," said Chit.

I paused before saying, "You're lying."

"I never lie. It is a genetic thing. Anyway, unless you take this," he said, holding the cube out to me, "you will never see her again."

None of my knowledge could help me in this situation. I knew that if B24ME had taken Soph, it had to have been in the last minute or so. I had none of B24ME's knowledge from the past thirty-seven days, so had no way of knowing if Chit was telling the truth.

"I am going to have to verify your claim," I said.

"Well, you won't. I'll give you five seconds to take the cube. If you don't, you will never see Soph again," said Chit.

Over the next five seconds, I teleported to thousands of locations in the universe, looking for the girl and Soph. I could not find them anywhere, so I returned to Chit.

"So, are you going to take it or what? I don't have all day, you know."

I took the cube and soon heard a familiar voice. "Why, hello, Turd Fondler. Where have you been for the last thirty-seven billion years?"

"Shut up, B24ME. Just tell me what the challenge is."

Chit disappeared and B24ME said, "Well, you know, I've had quite a bit of time to think this one up, something special, something I think you will really enjoy."

"Just tell me what it is," I growled.

"Patience, Turd Fondler. Let me enjoy the moment. You know it has been more than a little frustrating waiting for an opportunity to get you back on The Show. You can at least give me a few moments to gloat."

"Whatever," I said, now looking into the fort and seeing my journal on the table, the journal I needed to unravel things and save all creation.

I knew B24ME wouldn't let me get it. I suspected he knew I wanted it and wondered if he would say anything about it. Of course, he did. He couldn't pass up on an opportunity to screw with me.

"It's right there, Kev. Why don't you take it? I know you want it. What do you think you'll find? To be honest, I would really like to read it myself. What could possibly be scribbled inside? I would love to see inside your mind."

I knew I could not win, so I said, "What is the damned challenge?" I would have to come back for the journal later, if I ever managed to get off The Show.

"Fine. You have to survive in the vacuum of space for an hour."

"That's not a challenge. It's a death sentence. You know I could never do that without a spacesuit or containment field or something. I take it I don't get anything like that, right?"

"Absolutely right you are. This isn't really a challenge. It is more of a goodbye. I gave up on you long ago. Now I am going to let you die over and over, an infinity of times, a fitting end for a less than fitting man."

In that moment, my chief concern was that Clive not find me while I was dying over and over in space.

"You know, if Clive finds me, something terrible is going to happen."

"Trust me, he will never find you. You are going to be teleporting to a random location in the universe every second. Clive will never be able to find you, so at least you don't have to worry about the end of all creation. That is what you're worried about, isn't it?"

"Where is Soph?"

"How should I know? You know, you should keep better track of things. If you did, you wouldn't get trapped on The Show."

"So, you don't have her?"

"Of course not. I would never do something like that. You should know better. However, I did kind of break the rules."

I tried to teleport away, but found I could not. B24ME had some hold on me.

"You are a real bastard, you know that?" I said, ignoring B24ME's reference to the rules. I was sick of hearing about the rules.

"Well, you hired me to be a real bastard. You should be happy I'm doing such an excellent job."

I found myself in space, exposed to extreme cold and vacuum. The scene shifted every second as I teleported to a different location in the universe. I died within twenty seconds. Each time I came back to life, breathless, but healed, I died even faster than the previous time. I tried to teleport away over and over, but found I could not do that, still held by B24ME.

I died an uncountable number of times, each time I died, losing part of my memory, until there was little left of me. I forgot who I was. I forgot the girl, Clive, Soph and all of the others. I wasn't even sure I existed. Who was I? I felt a vibration in my pocket. What was I? The vibration continued. I had no answers other than this one. I thought, "I am."

I stopped dying, now unaffected by this hostile environment, having no need to breathe and no sensitivity to the coldness of space. I felt memories returning to me slowly, bits and pieces that I could not quite connect. Years passed, then decades and centuries, my memories slowly returning. Tens of thousands of years passed before I knew who I was. Thirty-seven million years passed before I remembered my purpose and remembered how to teleport, now teleporting myself to Glastonbury, outside of my fort back in two thousand sixteen, B24ME having released me from whatever hold he had on me.
The Journal

I believed but did not know my journal held the key to stopping Clive from ending all creation. I knew within it I would find answers to questions I could not yet form and prayed that somewhere within those pages would be clues that would allow me to stop Clive.

I went into the fort, retrieved the journal and then went back outside the fort and sat on a nearby rock. In that moment, I remembered the last time I had come here, how Chit had been waiting for me. I knew Clive knew about this place and knew about the journal, and thought it might be a good idea to go somewhere safe to read it.

I had a memory of a cottage, a cottage I had back in 1918 in Brimfield, Massachusetts, a cottage on a small lake, the only cottage on that lake at that time. I knew I had built it in this life as well as others. I believed Clive did not know about it.

I teleported to the porch of the cottage and took a seat on a rocking chair facing out to the lake, the lake completely still. I had built this place for the girl, our secret place, a place where we could escape and regroup, at times when I was more aware of things, fleeting moments in a life full of confusion. I wondered if she would look for me here but thought she wouldn't.

I opened my journal to the first page and looked at my first entry, which read, "The voice wants me to remember to never touch the blue cube. What is the blue cube? Why am I hearing this voice? It is such a pest."

I turned the page and found, "The voice believes Clive is Satan and thinks he wants to end all creation. Who is Clive?"

The next page read, "The voice keeps asking me how he can defeat the deevil without killing himself. How should I know?" On the same page I saw, "I tripped and fell and smashed my head against a rock but it healed right away. I guess I'm pretty lucky. The voice says this is normal."

I turned the page, finding, "The voice told me I am God and then told me to forget he said that. I wish he would leave me alone."

Following this came, "The voice, the ever present voice, the voice I am so sick of, told me Clive is Satan. Has he told me that before? Who is this Clive?"

I flipped through a dozen or so pages, seeing much the same. The voice repeated itself quite often, clearly in an attempt to get me to remember things.

I found a different sort of entry that read, "I know how to win the game." Just that. When had I written that?

The next page read, "Uncle Joe gave me the most amazing airplane for my birthday. I can't wait to take it apart." I had drawn a picture of an airplane below that.

Many of the pages were just lists of names with short descriptions, people I clearly wanted to remember, friends and family, people and characters on TV and in movies, books I had read. I found Clive, the girl and Jesus many times in those lists, always with the same descriptions. I couldn't remember ever meeting Jesus when I was young, but must have if I had him in my lists.

On one page I found written, "I have lived an infinite number of lives. I am stuck in a loop. I am in a loop. What does this mean?"

Following that, written many times, on a page with many hearts drawn on it, I found, "I love the girl. She loves me. I hope I don't forget her."

I turned through more pages, finding a wide variety of things.

"The voice told me I will create a show and that I will be the contestant on this show. Clive will too, but I am the real contestant."

"The voice claims to be me. Is that possible? If so, what does that mean?"

"Watch out for Aputi. He is evil."

"Clive has brainwashed the Canadians. He will use them against me."

When had I written these things? Was I a child at the time? I had no memories of coming to this place and writing in this journal as an adult.

"The voice told me something bad is going to happen on my ninth birthday but doesn't know what it is. I wish he hadn't told me that."

"I pressed the button on the black cube five times today and now I realize I need to press it six times or Clive will find me and end all creation."

"I made a wish today and it came true. I wished that I was at the park near Uncle Joe's farm and met a girl and we fell in love. We did amazing things, traveling to other worlds and even flying. After she left I wished I was home and there I appeared, just in time for dinner. I am going to wish to be with the girl forever."

"The clear cube vibrates every time I ask, 'Who am I?' It also vibrates when I say, 'I am Kev.' Who gave me this cube? Was it Aunt Helen?"

"I pressed the button on the black cube five times today. I have almost infinite knowledge, but know this is quite dangerous. Clive will get me if I don't press it six times. When am I going to meet Clive? Have I met Clive? My memories tell me I have, but I don't know if I trust them."

"I pressed the button on the black cube three times today and ended up in Peoria. After an hour roaming around, I found a piece of paper that read, 'Think 37 and home at the same time.' I did that and was back home. After that I thought 37 and the park near Uncle Joe's farm and appeared there. I met a girl there. I am in love. I am going to go back tomorrow to play with her."

In the pages that followed, I found many entries about the girl. Apparently, I had kept hold of the memory of how to teleport for some time, and I had managed to keep my memories of the girl. In these pages I detailed a relationship so profoundly beautiful that it brought me to tears.

"The voice told me I once got sucked into a black hole. You would think I would remember being sucked into a black hole. I know he is lying."

"The voice wants me to write, 'Beware of Clive.' Who is Clive? Why should I beware of him?"

"I just got back from Uncle Joe's farm. I met a girl at a park near his place. I am in love. I hope she loves me too. I can't remember her name. Does she have a name?"

"The voice told me that Aputi is going to kill everyone on Earth in the future. I have heard the name Aputi before."

"The voice told me the trick to getting through the Excretorian ant challenge is to teleport right at the moment I see a flash of light. He says I probably won't remember and I will die many times before I figure it out. I thought you only died once."

"Aunt Helen told me it's okay to forget things as long as you remember them later on. She told me I will remember everything eventually. I hope she's right. I'm pretty sick of forgetting things."

"I feel like I have written this before."

"I dreamed that I asked a girl to marry me last night and that she said 'I accept.' I think I've seen her before, maybe in another dream."

"The voice told me not to fire my gun if I get stuck in the reenactment of the Battle of Bwar Nit. He says it will kill me. He also says I will just come right back to life, so it's not that big a deal, just a pain in the ass."

"The voice told me Ceti Margaux is a stinky place. I have never heard of this place before. Is it in France?"

"I feel like I have written this before."

"The voice told me Ruby is actually pretty wonderful and not to do anything to hurt her feelings. Who is Ruby?"

"I pressed the button on the black cube three times today and ended up in Peoria. I walked around for a while before a found a piece of paper on the ground that read, 'Think 37 and home at the same time.' I did that and appeared back in my bedroom. I tried thinking 37 and the park near Uncle Joe's farm and I appeared there. I met a girl who told me she is my wife. She took me to strange worlds and then to a place she called Uthio Minor. She told me that is my home, but would tell me no more. I am going to go to Uthio Minor tomorrow to see if she is there."

"I met a boy named Clive today. I like him a lot. I think he is from Hawaii. Not sure what he was doing in my front yard. He told me next time he visits we are going to play a game called The Show. I can't wait."

There were a few more pages about Clive. I could tell that Clive had visited me several times before my ninth birthday, presumably in this life, but possibly not. Did this journal get reset each time things started over?

"The voice told me I will create a device that will allow me to talk to aliens. I can't wait to do that."

"Tomorrow, I am going to Uncle Joe's farm with my parents. My mom reminded me there is a park with a fort near his farm. She told me that I might find a friend if I go there. I hope that happens. I hope I can remember whomever I meet there. I'm pretty sick of forgetting people."

I noticed the timeline didn't seem right, at least not based on the memories I had. Had I gone back and forth through the pages when I wrote this? Was I remembering this life correctly?

The next three pages were filled with the same sentence many times over. "Don't forget the girl. You love the girl. She loves you. Don't forget her."

Following that was, "I have forgotten someone. Who have I forgotten? I think it is a girl."

"The voice tells me the yellow cube can manipulate matter. He says the girl has it. Which girl? Do I know her?"

"The voice told me to never give the yellow cube to Aputi. Isn't Aputi the one who is going to wipe out humanity? No clue."

"I found a piece of paper in my bedroom with 'Make a wish to go to Galthinon' written on it. Right after reading it I made the wish and appeared on another planet. At least I think it was another planet. I don't know how to describe what I experienced there. There were places where I could fly, and other places where I felt like I had eaten the most amazing food ever. One place was full of statues, statues of people that looked vaguely familiar. One of the statues was a beautiful girl. I would love to meet that girl. I also found a shrine or temple. In the center of it I found a pedestal and on the pedestal I found a piece of paper that read, 'You are. You are the one. You are the everything.' After I read it, I appeared in my bedroom. I took out a piece of paper, a strange thought entering into me, and wrote '37 the park near Uncle Joe's farm,' and, what do you know, I appeared there. I met a girl there who looked like the statue of the girl I saw, the most amazing girl ever, although she seemed kind of sad. When I told her I had to go home for dinner she told me to think of 37 and home. I did that and appeared back home. I think I understand now. Anyway, I am in love. I am going to go back tomorrow to play with her. Maybe I can cheer her up."

"I forgot how to get to the park. I hope the girl won't be mad at me. I wish I could remember. Why can't I remember? I am so sick of this."

"I wished I could remember everything today. I know absolutely everything. I am God. I don't want to end this right now. I'm going to wipe away my memories again. Having so much fun."

"The voice told me I will have six children, five sons and one daughter. My sons are the five Kev's and my daughter is Soph. Soph is a funny name. Is it a real name?"

"The voice told me not to be afraid of Ruby and not to feel bad about getting her pregnant. I don't know what to think about that. I hope that isn't a bad thing. What will mom and dad think if I get Ruby pregnant? How do you get someone pregnant? Who is Ruby?"

The entries went back and forth between repeats of the voice's previous statements and entries about going to Uncle Joe's farm and meeting the girl at the park. Sometimes she would try to make me remember her and our life together. Sometimes she was sad. One time she told me to wish that I remembered everything and begged me not to be mad at her for saying that. I made the wish, but nothing happened. There had been other entries about wishes I had made in the past, usually little things. Sometimes they came true, sometimes not. I knew this was important, but couldn't make the connection. In that instant, I vaguely remembered B24ME asking me for the red cube once and remembered his reaction when I hinted that I might know what it did. What did it do? Why did I remember that? Did the red cube grant wishes? I reached into my pocket and pulled out the red cube and made a wish. I wished that I knew how to stop Clive. Enlightenment did not find me.

"The voice told me that the red cube only holds five charges. What does that mean?"

I now believed that the red cube did, in fact, grant wishes, but suspected it had run out of charges. I cursed silently to myself. What had I wished for? Probably stupid things, things you would wish for when you didn't realize you had a little red cube that could grant wishes. Wishes like, "I wish my parents would send me to Camp Calistoga," a wish I remembered making on my ninth birthday as I blew out the candles on my cake, a wish that came true, although I did not realize my wish as led to that at the time, and "I wish I could find the girl," another wish I knew I had made that also came true, although I didn't think much of it. Then there was "I wish I could figure out how to build a communications device that will allow me to communicate with anyone anywhere in the universe immediately." I realized that wish came true. There had to have been other wishes or else I would have had a charge left. I couldn't remember.

"The voice told me the red cube recharges only if you make the special wish."

What was the special wish? I flipped through the pages looking for this piece of information, but didn't find it. As I flipped through the pages I noticed a page written in a different hand. I turned back to that page and found a note from Clive.

"Kev, Do you remember Galthinon? I think you should go there before I make you end all creation. Love, Clive."

When had Clive written this? It was buried about three quarters of the way through the journal. However, I believed that I had not necessarily written things sequentially. He could have written it at any time, even recently.

Was Galthinon a trap? I remembered my journal entry about traveling there, but it did not give me much to go on. Why hadn't I been more descriptive in my entries? Even my entries about the girl lacked detail.

I still didn't have all of the knowledge the black cube had given me back and wondered if buried within that knowledge was anything about Galthinon. The memories I did have offered nothing about this place. Where was it? I believed, wrongly, I could teleport there, but worried that going there could lead to the end of all creation. However, something about that didn't fit.

Something else struck me as odd. Clive signed his note, "Love, Clive." Why would he write that? Did he really love me? Was this just some sick joke? I sensed a playful tone in this note and wondered if Clive really wanted to end all creation or if this was all just part of the game.

I heard footsteps and looked up, seeing two men in black with maple leafs printed on their chests, one carrying a strange device that looked like a taser. That was no taser. It was a containment field generator. I tried to teleport, to no avail.

"Look at the hoser we have here, Bob," said the one with the containment field generator in his hand.

"You know, Doug, he looks an awful lot like Kev Pryce, eh?"

I believed the end was near. That or I would discover that this was all, in fact, just a game. I had to escape. I couldn't take the chance that this wasn't a game.
Captured

"Don't bother trying to run away, Kev. You're in a class Y containment field. There is no way out, at least no way you know of, I bet," laughed Doug.

"Yeah, you hoser, eh?" said Bob, the least articulate of the two, I thought. Perhaps I had a chance of getting away. However, before I had a chance to probe my memories for information that would allow me to manipulate Doug and Bob, two remarkably stupid men hand selected by Clive to retrieve me, I appeared in a small cement walled room with no windows or doors. The only thing in the room was a yellow, floating sphere, a sphere I remembered. Bob and Doug were nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, Kev," said the sphere.

"Hi," I said. "So, you are in on this too?"

"Me? No way. Clive has gone insane. I want nothing to do with this, but he has some sort of control over me."

"Lovely," I said. I knew there was a way I could connect to the sphere and recreate the universes without giving it all of my dreams and nightmares, a controlled creation process, but I had not yet recovered that memory fully.

I tried to teleport, failing, and then continuing to search through my memories, looking for memories of how to escape a class Y containment field, the second most powerful containment field in existence. Unfortunately, I could not remember anything helpful. I prayed I would remember something that would help me before Clive came and ended all creation, if, in fact, that was what he intended to do.

I didn't have to wait long before Clive appeared in the room, looking like he had something on his mind. I waited for him to speak.

"Forever, Kev. That's how long I have existed, as have you, and in all this time, you have subjected the others and me, the whole universe, in fact, to your rules, your stupid rules, and I know that you will never stop." He started pacing around the room and I could see he was shaking, a wild look in his eyes.

"I'm sick of the rules. I'm sick of living, of existing. I am sick of existence itself, and the reason I am sick of it is because of you, because of the rules, the stupid rules you make, rules you know none of us are going to be able to follow."

He looked me in the eyes, waiting for something, but what, I did not know. I said nothing, searching my memories for a way out of this situation.

"Of course, you don't remember the rules. You never remember the rules, and so, we are stuck in this thing you have created for eternity after eternity, waiting for you to figure things out, watching you bumble around, doing stupid shit. Yes, I said it. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Rule twenty-one is stupid, Kev. Do you know that? It is a stupid rule. All of the rules are stupid! You know that, don't you? Of course, you do, but at the same time you don't, so we are forced to live countless lives waiting, praying for the end, praying that when it ends you will give us a break, but you never do. You have never given us a break. This is all we do. Do you have any idea how boring this is for us? Do you have any idea how abusive you are? What about doing something we want to do for once?"

If this was an act, it was a really convincing act. I said, "Clive. I am sorry. I didn't know. Help me figure out a way to stop this and I promise you I will never subject you to this again."

"You did know! You do know! You know everything, but you remember nothing for countless ages, and when you do remember you just do it again. When you do remember, I know you know we are all miserable, but you keep doing it. Why? I know why. You are a sadist, the ultimate torturer. This will never change unless I change it. I know you don't see that right now, but it is the only way, and as much as it pains me to do what I am about to do, I feel, I believe, I know it is the only way to make this end."

"Clive, just help me remember. If I remember, I can end this and I swear I will never do it again. Ending all creation, you, the others, everyone in the infinite universes, and me is not the answer."

I now understood who I was, what I was, and I now believed that I had neglected my creations, that I had forced something terrible upon them, perhaps to entertain myself, the most selfish of reasons. I felt horrible and prayed that if I did remember everything I would be able to do the right thing.

"Too late, Kev, or should I say, God. It is too late. You are. You are the one. You are the everything. You won't change. It is hopeless."

"The girl doesn't want you to do this, Clive. The sphere doesn't want you to do it. I am willing to bet anything that Bri and Jesus feel the same way."

"Because they love you, despite the torture and disappointment. They love you, and I love you too, but I can take no more. How many times have you trapped me in hell? Do you have any idea? Do you remember some of those times, times when I spent billions of years in hell, tormented by demons and other horrors? Do you have any idea how many times I have ended up on The Show because of you? Do you think I enjoyed that? I most definitely did not."

I vaguely remembered tricking Clive into going to hell, and remembered giving him the blue cube when he was not aware of its purpose, and felt tremendous guilt for doing that. How many times had I done that? I did not know. All I knew what that I had subjected him to many horrors. For what? For entertainment? Did I truly believe that I was doing something good? What kind of a god was I? "I'm sorry, Clive."

While I agreed that my behavior had been abominable, I did not believe ending all creation was the answer. However, I did not have the memories I needed to stop Clive, or at least buy some time so I could try to set things right. I did not believe he would allow me enough time to figure things out, now fully convinced he would soon end everything.

"Sorry? You're evil is what you are. Pure evil. I know the others don't see it. They are fools."

A thought struck me. "Clive, why did you write that note in my journal? Why do you want me to go to Galthinon? Do you think that might change me somehow?"

Clive looked at me, a glint in his eyes. "Do you know what Galthinon is, Kev?"

"No, but I know I have been there."

"You have been there an infinite number of times, Kev. You created it. You created everything. I have tried to get you to go there an infinite number of times so you will figure things out, and it has never worked. You go there and then nothing happens. You never see the light."

"Maybe if you let me go there now, I will understand. Maybe I will remember enough for whatever it is that I will learn there to sink in. Why not give it a chance?"

"Too late. Anyway, I'm sure you don't know how to get there."

"If you disable the containment field, I will go there," I said.

"Won't work, and I don't know how you can get there."

I remembered something, and felt like a terrible fool. I remembered an entry in my journal, something along the lines of "Make a wish to go to Galthinon." That was the wish that would recharge the red cube. That was the way to get to Galthinon.

"Clive, I promise you I am going to figure this out. I will be back." Before I made my wish, I saw Clive's face change, his expression now one of surprise. I made my wish and appeared on a world that no words can fully describe.
Galthinon

I appeared in the middle of a forest of statues on a world of immeasurable size, something I knew because I remembered that it was, in fact, infinitely large, a world that, in itself, encompassed and represented all creation, my creation. I looked at the statues, representations of all of the beings that had ever existed in all of the infinite universes, my creations, although how I created them, I did not know.

I knew I was God, of that I had no doubt, and realized that I had wiped out my own memories to play this game that had caused Clive and the others, possibly the whole universe, pain and sorrow. What would happen if I remembered? Would I reset the pieces and start again? Clive indicated I had done that many times, and implied that this time we had been in this game for an eternity. I realized that Clive and the others, again, perhaps every being in the infinite universes, must all have retained their memories through the entirety of the game, and that the infinite universes were, in fact, instances of one universe, a universe created and destroyed over and over, part of the game. What kind of game was this? What were the rules? What had I done?

I realized I had recharged the wishing cube by wishing to be in this place, and knew what I had to do. "I wish I will never again force everyone to play this stupid game and that the game is over and that I will allow my creations to find their own destinies, to have free will and be happy for all eternity."

Nothing happened.

"I wish I could remember everything," I said.

Nothing happened.

"I wish I knew why Clive wanted me to come here."

Again, nothing happened.

"I wish I understood what is going on."

Nothing happened. I felt no different, completely unenlightened.

Had I wasted four charges of the red cube? If I had, I had only one wish left and then I would have to wish to be on Galthinon again to recharge it. Would that work if I were already on Galthinon? Why hadn't my four wishes worked? Did the red cube work here?

Maybe I could wish that I was on Uthio Minor and then wish I was back on Galthinon, thus, recharging the cube. Maybe then, I could try different wishes, and repeat the process until I got it right.

"I wish I was on Uthio Minor."

Nothing happened.

I tried to teleport to Uthio Minor and nothing happened. I screamed at the sky, cursing myself for creating this insanity.

What was I missing?

I remembered an entry in my journal, the entry about Galthinon, something I wrote about flying. I willed myself to fly, floating up into the sky, looking down on an infinite plain, seeing that I was on the edge of this immense sculpture garden. Off to my left I saw what appeared to be a giant theme park and beyond that I saw something that looked like a temple. I had written about a temple in my journal.

I flew to the temple and landed. The structure, made entirely of marble, with thirty-seven spires stretching to impossible heights, had a single entrance.

I entered into a chamber the size of a football stadium with a high roof covered with paintings, paintings of moments from my infinite lives. In the center of the chamber I saw a pedestal. I walked over to the pedestal, finding a piece of paper resting upon it. I picked it up and read.

Kev,

I know you know this already, and I know nothing I can say will ever make you know it any more than you already know it, but I have to tell you I love you and that I can never repay you for giving me everything you have given me. I have a life that is beautiful beyond compare, a blessed life full of joy. I have friends that are better than anyone could possibly imagine, including you, my creator.

You have allowed me to choose my own destiny, to break the rules at will, to find pleasures that can't be described by words. You have given me everything and I wish that I could give you the same. You are. You are the one. You are the everything. I love you with everything I have and give everything I have to you. Now, come finish the game, you dummy.

Love, Clive

"I am," I said, feeling different, but unsure of what I felt, also feeling the clear cube vibrating in my pocket.

"I am the one," I added, now filled with hope and love, the clear cube now going absolutely mad.

"I am the everything," I finished, and the world around me transformed.
Surrender

I found myself surrounded by every being that had ever existed in all of the infinite universes, beings I had created in this simulation, some free actors in the game, some not, all now looking at me, space warped in such a way that I could see every last one of them.

Closest to me, I could see Clive, the girl, Jesus, the Proth Sphere, Aputi, Ruby, B24ME, and a young, towheaded boy I knew was Bri.

Clive wore a goofy grin, as did the others.

I had won the game. I had won for the first time, and though I knew this was, to some extent, by design, I realized that these silly beings had allowed me to win, and for the briefest of moments, I felt something I had not ever felt before in quite this way. I felt surprise.

I had received a gift, a gift beyond measure, and the love I felt for these souls swelled, my body threatening to explode.

"Took you long enough," laughed Clive.

"Yeah," said the girl. "I thought we were going to be playing forever."

I smiled and said, "So, who wants to play again?"

Everyone present, everyone that ever was, groaned at the same time, a deafening roar that reverberated through all existence.

Clive came over, hugged me and said, "I'll play if I can make the rules this time."

"Hey, I want to make the rules," cried the girl.

"What about us?" said Ruby, Jesus, Bri and the sphere.

"You know," said Aputi, averting his eyes, as he usually did, "I bet I can make the next game even more interesting than this one was."

"I bet I can make the game more interesting than any of you," shouted B24ME.

"No way," shouted every single being present.

"You can all make the rules," I said. "This will be your game, one of an infinite number of games."
The Rules

1. Thou shalt not tell me the rules, but thou may reference the rules in such a way as to make it known that there are, in fact, rules. That should tie me up into knots, right? Also, thou may at any time cite the rules even when the rules are not relevant to a given situation. That will be quite fun, don't you think? I know you all agree.

2. Thou shalt not ever tell me what the red cube does under any circumstances. Of course, I say this knowing full well that at least one of you will break this rule, and I have to say, you are lucky I will immediately lose the memory of you saying that.

3. Thou shalt not take the red cube from me unless I give it to you willingly. B24ME, are you paying attention? Clive? Aputi? Yes, I'm looking at you, Aputi. Stop averting your eyes. I hate that.

4. Thou, and now I am speaking only to you, Jesus, shalt not have any conversation with me in which you do not somehow let on to the fact that Clive is Satan and that he wants to end all creation. I know you don't like lying, but thou shalt not disobey me. Understood?

5. Thou shalt not explain how the black cube works or even hint that I should use it in any particular way. Clive, girl, pay attention. Further, thou shalt not ever tell me that pressing the button five times on the black cube does not truly give me all of the memories of all of the beings that ever existed in all of the infinite universes, with the exception of Clive, the girl, Bri, the Proth Sphere and Jesus. I know you're not going to do this in this game, but I know you will do it in the next one. What do you think will happen if you tell me that everyone in the universe knows everything about the game and that those memories are all hidden from me? Don't you think letting me know that everyone is in on this is a huge clue? Just let me believe that everyone in the universe is aware of the game but not fully aware of all of the rules. Rule one allows for this, and I have to say, that rule is far too lenient. Of course, I'm sure none of you will remember this.

6. Thou shalt not offer any material assistance to me of any sort that will allow me to escape harm or confusion. I don't care how badly you feel for me or how frustrated you are. Don't do it. I'm looking at you, girl. Of course, this is an all encompassing rule, and perhaps the only rule I need make, but I know if I don't spell things out you will all claim you didn't fully understand this rule.

7. Thou, and this is for you, Clive, shalt not ever go to heaven. It is strictly off limits. Further, thou shalt not ever tell me that you are prohibited from going to heaven. Of course, I know full well that you will tell me just that and will later claim it was absolutely necessary to move things along. You are wrong about that. I should know.

8. Thou, you sphere, shall not allow me to use you in such a way that I will be given the advantage. I know I can depend on you, you wonderful thing.

9. Thou shalt not ever hint that the clear cube might be something of great importance to me. It is my responsibility to discover this. Clive, stop pinching Jesus and pay attention.

10. Thou shalt not ever mention the simulation or ever mention anything about free will to me for any reason whatsoever. If you feel the urge to do this, please remove yourself from my presence immediately and go dunk your head in a lake or something. I don't care what you do; just don't say a word about it.

11. Thou shalt not write in my journal. I have said this far too many times, and each time, one of you misfits writes a note in my journal that pretty much gives everything away. Clive? Clive? Yes, I happen to be talking, Clive. Do you want me to repeat myself or would you prefer to not know this rule?

12. Thou shalt not ever let on to the fact that my ability to heal rapidly is anything but normal. Clive? Are you paying attention? I don't think you are.

13. Thou shalt not ever tell me how to get off The Show. B24ME, I know you have absolutely no intention of letting me off the show and I greatly appreciate that. Girl, watch yourself. You have been guilty of this countless times, and I have to say, while I love it that you can't stand seeing me suffer, you have to accept that this is just part of the game and that it is good for me. To be quite frank, I enjoy being tormented on The Show. Call me a masochist if you like, but it is really invigorating.

14. Thou shalt not ever warn me about Ruby. I love her dearly and would hate for her to be disappointed by any rejection from me. I know you love me too, Ruby. Such a sweet thing. Anyway, there is no greater act than creation, procreation being a type of creation, of course.

15. Thou shalt not allow me to understand the nature of time travel in the simulation. I know some of you think it is a silly way for things to work and think it makes things confusing, but I'm happy with it, so just don't mention it, please. While I'm at it, please stop telling me I have time lag all the time. We all know there is no such thing as time lag. Also, quit telling me I've been time traveling all the time. I will figure it out on my own. Got that, girl? Clearly, you aren't listening. I guess telling Clive I am a poopy head is far more important than hearing the rules.

16. Thou shalt not tell me I am God, even if I say I am God. Clive, you look like you have some doubts about that one. Do I need to explain it in another way for you? No? Good. Give not into temptation, Clive. Remember that.

17. Thou—Bri this is for you, although I already know you are going to break this rule, but I want you to feel bad about it when you do, so don't forget—shalt not tell me the only thing I can do to bring back the universe after I have wished the Proth Sphere never existed is to wish that the sphere exists again. Thou shalt not say that or confirm it even if I say anything about it, which I'm not saying I will, but you never know. Do you know? Do you truly know my mind? Of course you don't, so don't do it Bri. Well, at least feel bad about it when you do it. Understood?

18. Thou shalt not—Aputi, are you paying attention? Stop averting your eyes. I hate that. There is no good reason you should avoid looking at me, you silly thing—thou shalt not ever try to get the yellow cube from me under any circumstances. I know you think turning the universe into a giant cesspool is a barrel of laughs, but I have to say, everyone is quite sick of it.

19. Thou shalt not, under any circumstances say "thirty-seven" to me. Sphere, I know you didn't hear a word I said, and I know that even if I repeat myself you will say it anyway. Shame on you. Girl, Clive, you might think you are pretty clever by asking me what my favorite number is, but please try to understand that these types of clues will just give me an advantage. Further, when I say "thirty-seven" in response to your query about my favorite number, Clive, you will be directly violating this rule by asking me what thirty-seven means to me. Further, the whole follow on about jelly donuts is completely unnecessary. I know for a fact I would be able to convince Bri and the sphere to connect even when they are having a terrible row without this sort of help. Something to keep in mind.

20. Thou shalt not, as a corollary to rule nineteen, ever tell me how many rules there are, dear sphere. If you have to ask why, you will never know. Anyway, you should never question the rules as stated by me. Period. Sphere, quit pestering Bri and pay attention. I swear you act like a child sometimes.

21. Thou shalt not, and I mean thou absolutely shalt not ever, under any circumstances, even if I have your feet to the fire and you are suffering unimaginable pain, say naughty words, and I am looking at you right now, girl, you potty mouth. I know most of you think this is a ridiculous rule and that it truly has no bearing on the game, but you should know that at some point in the future, there will be others, beings with free will, real beings, who will read this story. If you use a lot of bad words, people are going to think you are uncreative and crass, so do try to express yourselves in the most intelligent way possible. Are you listening, girl? This applies to you most of all. Of course, I am exempt from this rule because I will not know the rules, so don't think for one second if I utter a profanity that you are somehow allowed to do the same. Clive, dear boy, you haven't heard a word I've said, have you?

22. Thou shalt not, Bri, let me believe that you are me, and by that I mean God. I know you get a kick out of doing that, but it is really in poor taste, and you should know better. I am quite certain that will not stop you, but want you to know it is really less than stellar behavior.

23. Thou shalt not teleport me anywhere with you. Girl? This is strictly forbidden. I will teleport when I learn how to teleport and I do not need you to show me it is possible. Of course, you're not listening. Ruby, this goes for you too. I can take that purple cube away from you, you know. Don't push me. I'll do it. Also, and it truly pains me to have to repeat this for the billionth time, thou shalt not tell me that I have the ability to teleport and time travel at will. I shouldn't have to say this, of course. None of you heard anything I just said, did you?

24. Thou shalt not—you know, I am getting really sick of this. I mean, why is it that I have to make so many rules? Why can't all of you just get it right without me having to tell you what not to do? Oh, whatever. Thou shalt not kill me. Clive? Are you paying attention? Why is it you feel the need to kill me over and over? Don't you think there might be a better way of figuring out who I really am at the outset of the game? I mean, there are plenty of dead giveaways. Do you really think that you need to kill me? Further, why do you need to keep killing me after you have already made a positive identification? Don't answer that. I know you get a kick out of it, and I have to say that is pretty sick. You are lucky I love you as much as I do, my lad. Otherwise, I would have you burning in hell for all eternity. By the way, B24ME, you are exempt from this rule. I am sure you knew that already, though. Also, Clive, don't you think it is time you stopped trying to kill my parents? There are other ways to get me to do what you want me to do, you know. Sure, the whole killing my parents thing tends to push me in the direction you want me to go in, but I think you've done it an inappropriate number of times.

25. Thou shalt not allow me to send copyrighted material out to the universe to individuals who have not purchased the items I am sending. Clive? I'm talking to you. You know I am going to tell you that I am going to do just that and you are going to say nothing and let me break the law. Don't give me any crap about there being no laws and this just being a simulation. Laws are laws, Clive, and you should do your best to stay on top of this. Of course, I know you won't.

26. Thou shalt not ever tell me to make a wish when I express concern over some possible negative outcome or when you just can't take my ignorance anymore. This is, as you all know, a new rule, one that I now find necessary, given that every single one of you has done this at some point or another in the past. You are risking ruining the game by doing this. You see that, don't you? I mean, I know you get bored sometimes and want to move things along, but this really is a no no. I know two of you will break this rule this time, and I have to say, I am terribly disappointed. Look, no matter how screwed up things are for me, you have to keep in mind that I am God and I can handle anything. Got it? Further, a little boredom is good for you. It allows you to reflect on your lives and think about ways you can do wonderful and interesting things that will bring me great pleasure. You do want to please me don't you? Don't make that face, Aputi, or I will send you back to your home planet this time. You don't want that, do you?

27. Thou shalt not ask me if I have the cubes or what cubes I have or anything like that. Calling attention to them is tantamount to spoiling the surprise for me. Hello? Girl?

28. Thou shalt not offer advice of any kind. Do I need to spell this out? I mean, are there other words I should use that will stop any of you from doing this? I think not. You all have free will, of course, and I know that you will go about your merry way and break this rule, but I have to say, you are making the game far less entertaining by doing so. Maybe someday you will all learn. I know what you are thinking. This is just another version of the don't help me in any material way rule. Well, you're right, but I think I need to repeat myself to you. Even now I see that this hasn't sunk in for any of you. I swear I don't know why I bother. Does that booger taste good, Aputi? Is that more important than listening to me? Remember, I can send you back to your home planet any time I want. Consider yourself warned. Anyway, I know this is really just a repeat of the no material assistance rule, but I find it necessary to repeat myself.

29. Thou shalt not attempt, in any way whatsoever, to turn the Canadians into a bunch of nihilists. Clive, are you listening to me? I know you think this is really funny, but I have to say, they deserve better. I mean, what did they ever do to you? Do you think they really want to end all creation? Why not find some other plot twist? You truly are a piece of work, you know. Of course, I only make this rule to prove a point, that point being, you are a willful, disobedient boy. Perhaps you should reflect on that for a while rather than brainwashing a bunch of innocents.

30. Thou shalt not try to get me to drink green tea in an attempt to "enlighten" me. Again, don't let boredom drive your decisions. I will drink green tea when I want to, when I am ready to. I don't need you pushing it on me all the time. Ruby, girl, and Clive, I'm looking at you. Don't do it.

31. Thou shalt not, and I mean this sincerely, reveal to me that I am the creator of green tea. You have to understand that this is a terribly serious breach of protocol and falls under the giving me material assistance category, if you get my meaning, girl. I know you weren't listening and I am not going to repeat myself. Don't stick your tongue out at me, you imp!

32. Thou shalt not attempt to bring me to Surth Beta and get me to connect to the brain in a vat. I will go there eventually, without your assistance. This rule is part of the not giving me material assistance rule, but I thought it necessary to break it out because of the future actions of the girl and Clive. You both know what I'm talking about.

33. Thou shalt not send messages about the Flogulator to my communications device. I think this is in very poor taste and want it to stop. Maybe it was funny the first time, but it has gotten really stale, and, I have to say, it is time it stopped. Understood?

34. Thou shalt not ever tell me how to go to hell. Bri? I know you're going to do it anyway, but I think maybe next game you might be so kind as to not do it. Please acknowledge, Bri. Now, if at any point you want to tell me to go to hell, feel free. I know you all think it is a terrible place, but I have to say, it is a good reminder that not behaving has consequences. Are you all paying attention? Clive? Bri, quit poking the sphere.

35. Thou shalt not kidnap Soph or indicate that you have done anything that will make it impossible for me to see her again, B24ME. Of course, you are going to do just that, and I know your intentions are good, but you are just going to have to find another way to get me on The Show. Soph isn't just some means to an end, you know. So, in advance, I want to say, bad form, B24ME. Bad form, indeed.

36. Thou shalt not ever communicate anything to me about Galthinon. Clive? Oh dear, you didn't hear a word I said, did you? Whatever. You won't listen to me anyway, so what is the point? I know you desperately want me to know you love me, but you know I know this already. There is nothing you can say or do that will make me believe you love me more than I know you love me. Do you understand, Clive? Do you understand? Ruby, this goes for you as well. Not one word about Galthinon.

37. Thou shalt love me. This is not really a rule. It is more a statement of fact, and I have to say, I really appreciate it. I love all of you more than you could possibly imagine, another statement of fact.

I looked at my creations, each and every one of them, and said, "One last thing, everyone. Don't you think making fun of my name, the name I have chosen for myself, an absolutely wonderful name, is just a little bit tired? I mean, what is wrong with Kev? It is a perfectly acceptable name, and further, one with great meaning. Of course, none of you truly know what it means, and given that you all think it is fun to ridicule me and question my parents' intellectual abilities or their sobriety, I do not intend to tell you what it means."

"It means, 'kill every vulture,'" laughed Clive.

"Lovely, Clive," I said, "I see you are not happy just killing people."

"No, it means, 'kool effervescent vibrator,'" shouted the girl.

"I think it means 'Kev eats Venetians,'" chimed B24ME.

"What about 'Kev ever vacant?'" said the sphere. Everyone laughed at that.

"I think it means, 'kill Eric Victor,'" said Aputi, now serious, averting his eyes, as usual.

"Why on Earth would anyone want to kill Eric Victor?" I said. "He is a wonderful fellow, one of a kind, as are you all. Goodness, Aputi, you have quite a dark streak in you."

"I have one," said Bri. "Kinky escape vehicle."

"I like that one," said Ruby, now leering at me.

"I know what it means," said Jesus.

Everyone looked at Jesus, Clive saying, "What does it mean?"

"Kala Ela Vol," said Jesus.

"What does that mean?" said the girl and the sphere.

"I don't know, but I know those are the words," replied Jesus, now looking at me.

All I could do was smile.

###

About Me (Totally)

Tall (truly, staggeringly, menacingly, unusually), attractive (yes, a relative term, but one that maybe, at least in my own mind, relatively applies to me), easy going (if you call screaming at the television when I can't find anything to watch easy going), engaging (in a way that speaks to my inner introvert, my reluctant external self, who, for better or for worse, prefers writing books in a dark attic rather than enjoying time with others, others who are, I am quite certain, quite wonderful, but not quite as wonderful as writing in the dark), charismatic (I try. Truly I do, but I think that is a big part of the problem), energetic (perhaps I have misunderstood the meaning of this word, but I believe waking up every morning by eleven thirty-seven definitely qualifies me as quite energetic), active (look, writing is truly a form of exercise. Writing twenty thousand words in a day has to burn at least five thousand calories a day, right?), athletic (um), intellectually stimulating (some people have said this, but often follow it with something along the lines of "when you are drunk." This bothers me more than a little because I don't drink), versatile (no, wait, I'm not), even tempered (see easy going), a true believer (in things you won't believe), loving (always), full of laughter (at your expense), discombobulated (always), absent minded (yup), and vaguely vague in a vague sort of way (a terribly important characteristic for a writer), I enjoy spending my days playing badminton, chairing the anti-swimming league, shooting rubber bands at my daughters, stapling flyers to trees, looking for new and more interesting ways to describe flatulence, saying things like, "Thou shalt not look at me this way," and "Thou shalt not look at me that way," painting my fingers different colors with nail polish, finger painting with nail polish, sniffing nail polish, sniffing nail polish remover (acetone, I believe. Wonderful stuff), yelling at my dog, who insists on barking every thirty-seven seconds for no apparent reason other than to drive me insane, thinking up stupid ideas that really seem wonderful at the time I think them up (It's called mania, for those of you who don't know), breaking stuff (I am an expert), prank calling mortuaries, asking them if they've seen my father (deceased), explaining that he disappeared from the mortuary we sent him to and telling them that I believe he didn't like that one so I think he might be in theirs, leaving notes on cars (usually the types of notes that express profound dissatisfaction with the owner's parking job), trying to hunt down my daughters, daughters who have completely forgotten how to use a phone (at least when it comes to calling me), reassuring my wife that I am quite all right, and that if she would stop telling me to take my medicine, I might actually take it, calling my psychiatrist and telling him I feel kind of odd (he usually tells me he does too, and that if we both would take our medicine we would feel considerably less odd), calling my sister and telling her I have died and that she needs to come find me (she gets it, you don't), expressing interest in things like surveys, promotions, new products, miracle cures, and the like, breaking things (I know I've already mentioned this, but it is a big part of my life, and it should be a big part of your life, too. I mean, is there any greater satisfaction to be had than from hurling a full, steaming hot cup of coffee at a refrigerator and screaming, "Die?"), opening the refrigerator, leaving the refrigerator open, leaving the toilet seat up (this allows for better access to the bowl for inspections, vomiting, and pictures), baring my soul (to my dog, who does not quite understand that my soul is in jeopardy, and that it will only be saved if she stops barking), performing modern dance (I dance like a drunk giraffe (this should be easy to visualize if you imagine the giraffe quite drunk, listening to something along the lines of _Super Freak_ , a quite appropriate song for a drunk giraffe), and I have to say, while it isn't for everyone, there are those who tell me I am onto something), writing silly songs for my daughters (Some day I'll write out _Monkey Butts_ in one of my books, a lovely piece in D minor), playing bass (violently. This is in some way a corollary to breaking things, although I don't break my basses (not often anyway)), writing love letters to my lovely wife, which are often misconstrued as attempts to get out of doing things around the house (absolutely not the case. I can say that with utter surety, although, I have to admit that it would be nice if they could get me out of doing things around the house), and checking my tire pressure in front of my wife (I do this to reassure her, in some small way, that I do, in fact, have some modicum of ability when it comes to maintaining things. Of course, she would argue, if I would allow her to get an argument in, that this act is simply my way of proving how useless I really am, a terrible thing to say (I never give her the chance to say this, of course), but possibly the truth.) I live in Connecticut. I want to live in Antigua in an absolutely wonderful place called Jumby Bay, a place you should go if you have the means to do so (if you do go there, watch out for the sheep. They are up to no good, I assure you.) Interesting fact; I once performed on stage (at age seven, a useless decoration and nothing more. No lines to speak of and a complete lack of understanding of what I was supposed to do, which resulted in me making funny faces at the audience the entire time, causing my parents considerable embarrassment, which led to chastisement and further alienation from them (truly, they are wonderful people), which led to me write this book.) Last thing, I swear. I am always interested in meeting new people and having stimulating conversations, so if you think you would like to have a truly stimulating conversation with me, feel free to send me an email. My email address is barflurgle@gmail.com. Feel free to look up the meaning of the word Barflurgle, and then feel free to make up your own definition for the word (it is more of a sound, really), when you don't find a definition. I should warn you that I do not check my email regularly, so if you do not get a response in what you might deem a reasonable amount of time (note that a reasonable amount of time for me is usually measured in eons), worry not. I will eventually read your email, and I will likely respond to you if I am not too busy writing in my dark attic.

