I'm gonna be honest,
there is a lot of news.
Almost too much news.
Luckily, though,
too much news is just
the right amount of news
for a segment we call
Ain't Nobody Got Time for That.
-♪ ♪
-(cheering, applause)
Beyoncé.
She took over Coachella,
she took over the Louvre,
and now she's taking over Vogue.
Beyoncé has reportedly
been given control
over the cover
of the September issue of Vogue.
 The singer selected
 a black photographer
 to shoot the cover--
 it'll be the first time
 that's happened in the
 magazine's 126-year history.
NEWSWOMAN:
 How is that possible?
-(cheering, applause)
-Yeah. That's right.
Beyoncé will be the first guest
to be given complete control
of Vogue magazine's
September issue cover--
which is the Holy Grail
of fashion.
And on top of that,
she's hired a black photographer
to shoot the cover.
-Yeah. Which is insane.
-(cheering, applause)
I'm... I'm just excited,
because it's
finally a good headline
with the words "black person"
and "shoot" in it.
-This is dope.
-(laughter)
-This is so dope.
-(applause)
And you know what's funny
about this story
is that by having
the first black photographer
shoot their cover,
they've inadvertently exposed
that they've never had a black
photographer shoot their cover.
In 126 years.
Like, if they hadn't fixed
this mistake,
we probably would have
never realized, you know?
It's sort of like
when a beverage company
starts advertising, they're
like, "Now with real juice..."
You're like, "What the (bleep)
was I drinking before?"
And this story has once again
brought up the conversation
of how the fashion industry
has so often taken inspiration
from people of color
without actually involving them.
And if we had the time,
we would get into that,
but we've got to move on,
because the country of Zimbabwe
is also looking
to make a big change.
High turnout and high hopes
in Zimbabwe's historic election.
Votes are being counted in
the first election in 37 years
without former president
Robert Mugabe on the ballot.
NEWSMAN:
 They queued in the dark,
 and as the sun rose,
 and Zimbabweans waited
 to cast their vote,
 there was an unprecedented
 feeling of optimism.
I feel so excited.
There is freedom in the air.
I would expect the counting
to take place quickly
and for the announcement
of the result
to be done
as quickly as possible.
So congratulations to Zimbabwe
on hosting its first
democratic elections
-in 37 years.
-(cheering, applause)
37 years.
Because that's how long Robert
Mugabe was a dictator for.
And if you in America
don't know what it feels like
to have a strongman in power
for that long,
-don't worry, you will.
-(laughter)
You know what's funny
about Robert Mugabe,
what's funny about Robert Mugabe
is that he was in power
for all this time, and
technically he held elections,
but he just wouldn't allow
any opposition onto the ballot.
But then they'd still have
the elections,
they would still count
the ballots,
and then he would still
act surprised when he won.
Like, they would count,
and then he'd be like,
"Oh, I hope get it,
I hope I get it. Who's...
"Oh, I won again!
I can't believe it!
"Oh, I can't believe it!
Oh... I can't believe
I have beaten myself."
-(laughter)
-Now, if we have the time,
we could talk about how this is
only the beginning
of Zimbabwe's difficult road
back to being economically
successful on the continent,
but we just don't have the time.
Because while Zimbabwe's
celebrating a president,
Akron, Ohio,
is celebrating a king.
He is known as King James, and
now some might be calling him
LeBron the Headmaster.
The basketball superstar opened
an elementary school
in his hometown,
with every single detail
carefully designed
to change students' lives.
 In his new school
 named "I Promise,"
 240 third and fourth graders
 identified as needing support
 chosen for the first classes.
No matter if I'm playing
in Los Angeles or not,
Akron, Ohio,
is always home for me.
-(cheering)
-Always.
Wow.
(cheering, applause)
Yeah. Wow.
That is such an amazing
and heartwarming story.
And I love the way
LeBron was like,
"I'm leaving Ohio for L.A.,
"and I'm building a school!
"I'm building a school.
What was the first part?
Never mind, never mind."
And now some people are asking
why LeBron needed
to open a school.
But, you see, after what
happened to him in the finals
with J.R. Smith,
LeBron was like, "Yo,
"everyone in Cleveland needs
to learn how to count, okay?
We're gonna make sure that
that doesn't happen again."
(cheering, applause)
And although this is a really
beautiful story of philanthropy,
it does raise the question of
why communities need celebrities
to provide services that should
be provided by the government.
You know? No one
should be out there going,
"I hope my team wins
the Super Bowl
so they can buy us
a fire department."
You don't want that. But,
look, we don't have the time
to talk about all that,
because the situation
between Iran and the U.S.
just took an unexpected turn.
President Trump also
making news on Iran tonight.
 After ripping up
 the Iran nuclear deal
 and then exchanging harsh words
 with the Iranian president,
 today President Trump declaring
 he would meet
 with the Iranian president.
No preconditions. No.
They want to meet, I'll meet.
Anytime they want.
Anytime they want.
It's good for the country,
good for them, good for us,
and good for the world.
NEWSMAN:
 With President Trump's offer
 of a face-to-face meeting
 with Rouhani,
 Iran immediately took
 the upper hand.
 The Iran Fars News Agency
 reporting that it sees
 no value
 in a face-to-face meeting.
Wow. Wow, Iran.
I mean,
I know Iran seems extreme,
but I get why they're not eager
to meet with Trump.
Because you've got to admit,
he blows hot and cold,
like one of those
psycho boyfriends.
He's like, "Iran,
you will suffer consequences
"the likes of which
few throughout history
"have suffered before...
I'm so sorry, Iran,
"I'm so sorry, man, I haven't
had my Big Mac today, man.
"Can we meet? Can we meet?
I'll meet you wherever.
"Where do you want to meet?
Where do you want to meet?
"I just want to talk to you,
before I bomb you into the st...
"You know what, let's buy a
puppy, you want to get a puppy?
I wanna get a puppy with you,
man, I just wanna get a puppy."
-(cheering, applause)
-Crazy.
And, look, I...
I understand why Iran
would think a meeting with Trump
would be unproductive.
Right? He's totally unreliable.
But if they take a page
out of North Korea's book,
Iran might be able to use that
to their advantage.
Now to North Korea,
and evidence it may be building
 new long-range missiles.
NEWSWOMAN: 
 These new satellite images,
 according
 to The Washington Post,
 showing construction of one,
 or possibly two,
 liquid-fueled ICBMs
 at a facility
 on the outskirts of Pyongyang.
This would seem
to validate concerns
that North Korea had
absolutely no intention
of getting rid
of its nuclear weapons
 despite Kim's very big promises
 following the summit
 that took place in June.
(tsk'ing)
So Kim Jong-un
made a promise to Trump
and then did the opposite.
Which basically means Trump
is getting a taste
of his own medicine.
Although, not literally,
because, knowing Trump's doctor,
his actual medicine
is probably Vicodin
laced with ostrich semen--
but you know what I mean.
(applause)
-(cheering)
-And...
and you know...
you know Trump will never admit
that he got played
by Kim Jong-un, right?
Like, North Korea could fire
a nuke at San Francisco,
and Trump would be like, "That
was actually part of the deal.
"They have a hall pass
for one boom-boom a year.
One boom-boom a year, folks."
