it's atheist day and I thought would be
the perfect time to talk about when I
realized I was an atheist when I decided
to come out and things that have helped
me along the way
growing up a Pentecostal Christian I
never thought I would be a non-believer
but look at me now I grew up in a small
town and I wasn't allowed to have
friends who weren't Christian and I also
wasn't allowed to listen to music or
watch movies or anything really that was
considered secular I also attended a
Lutheran school during elementary in
also middle school even though I wasn't
Lutheran and when I was 18 that's when I
went to a Christian College and when I
came back from that college it took me a
few years to realize I no longer
believed I remember going through this
searching period I visited bookstores
and also my local library and I was
looking at all of the religions outside
of Christianity and in my mid-20s I was
wondering which one was actually true
during this time my husband started
listening to this podcast where a theist
were calling in to talk to atheists and
I found those conversations startling I
remember trying to block out what I was
hearing or trying to ignore what I was
hearing in the background just because
everything that was being talked about
was going against everything I had been
raised on a lack of a belief in a God
not believing in a heaven or hell
eventually I started actively listening
to those conversations and then my
curiosity just grew from there I started
listening to other podcasts that were
very similar and I started watching
these online debates of pastors and
outspoken atheists and I found myself
thinking atheist dude has a point there
you can have morals without a God I
could get behind that in this period of
my life I began doing something I had
never done before I started questioning
things and thinking for myself it was
the start of building a skeptical
viewpoint I could recognize bad ideas
and throw them out and a quote comes to
mind from Christopher Hitchens take the
risk of thinking for yourself much more
happiness truth beauty and wisdom will
come to you that way when you grow up
being indoctrinated you don't know how
to think for yourself you're not taught
to think critically or how to your
spoon-fed a specific religion and that
religion becomes all that you know and
if you were to go against that religion
you would be thrown into Hellfire the
pit of eternal torture and damnation you
lose relationships and
pending on which religion your family
comes from you could lose your life in
my late 20s I started rereading the
Bible for myself and that's when I had
this aha moment it was more like a shock
the only way I know how to describe the
feeling it was very similar to the
feeling of when you first learned
someone you love has just died just that
shock and horror and that sense of
nothing being real all of that
I remember being completely stunned
reading my Bible that I had had since I
was a small child and just staring at
the words in this for lack of better
phrasing disbelief I thought whoa
I grew up advocating this book people
think this is actually true and even if
it was people think the Christian God is
the good guy
it was as if I finally saw the Bible for
what it is and I realized throughout my
entire childhood and adolescence it felt
like I had been robbed like I had fallen
for a scam my whole life up until that
point and of course that made me angry
mind you before rereading the Bible I
had been reading the Brothers Grimm
fairy tales and I saw this similar
writing style elementary writing with
this dark undertone it had this sinister
mood to it but told in a very poorly
written way eventually when I realized I
didn't believe in any gods I wanted to
become outspoken about that because I
didn't want other people to have to go
through what I had been through the
confusion of all the harmful effects of
indoctrination the crushing nightmare of
Hell in thinking I might end up there
all of the years spent in church
services wasting my time disregarding
science learning to speak gibberish I
mean tongues in thinking that should be
valued honing in on imaginary spiritual
gifts when I could have been doing
something much more interesting and
useful praying and praying and praying
and hoping God would hear my prayers and
hoping he would respond also hoping I
would eventually be good enough for God
and then realizing I never could when
you discover something that has helped
you you want to share it for me it was a
better life a better way of living
because as much as I wanted to believe I
truly wanted to believe in an afterlife
I realized this is it this is the only
life
I know of having and I want to take
advantage of that by living my best life
possible and helping people is a part of
that and quoting Carl Sagan for me it is
far better to grasp the universe as it
really is
than to persist in delusion however
satisfying and reassuring if you're an
atheist and you're in a safe place where
you can come out I encourage you to do
so one for your benefit alone you start
reinventing your life and you decide the
meaning in it and that's empowering also
when I realized I was a closeted atheist
I realized I couldn't hold that secret
in for too long something about keeping
that a secret felt like lying it started
to become heavy and it was crushing me
it was just coming out to for other
people who might hear your story it
really does help people your story with
your voice is powerful and helpful it
impacts people and it helps others see
things can get better it might get worse
before it gets better
but eventually things start to shift if
it is safe for you to tell people that
you're an atheist again I encourage you
to do so I also understand for many
people this isn't the case I fully
understand that in some cases being an
apostate will get you killed this is why
we call people who come from abuse
survivors actually don't love that word
in particular I like to think of people
who come from abuse and religious
abusive families warriors your safety is
the number one priority if it's not safe
for you to be outspoken about being an
atheist don't please stay safe maybe
later you can come out but what matters
most
is your life you're one beautiful life
and maybe it doesn't seem that beautiful
right now maybe you're in a very hard
place I like to think of being hopeful
hopeful for the future and that things
can get better and you deserve that you
deserve your best life and for the
people you love and care about and
possible relationships in the future you
don't even have yet if you're someone
who needs help there are resources
recovering from religion X Muslims of
North America free hearts free minds and
more all of them will be linked down
below as well as helpful podcasts other
youtubers channels books and so much
more we're all on this together
happy atheist day
