 
Innocence

of the

Innocent

Written by: REAN

Innocence of the Innocent

REAN

Published by Sherika Roberts at Smashwords

Copyright 2013

Discover other titles by REAN at Smashwords.com:

Tattered Hearts...and Minds

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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***Dedicated to all the children who just want to be loved.***

TIFFANY

I'm sitting in the empty living room alone, and am thoroughly embarrassed, because I just made a fool of myself. Speaking in crowds makes me nervous and with all these people here, it's a little too much for me. God, why do I have to be so weird! I wish I could be like other people and simply talk without sounding like an idiot. Every time I open my mouth to speak, nothing ever comes out right. Oh God, please don't let her sit next to me! Please keep walking...please keep walking! Shit, she's coming towards me! And just my luck...she sits down next to me. I wish I could just disappear into the sofa. Man, I knew I should have hid. Any other time I would be invisible, but nooooo, everyone just has to talk to me today! I hate these family get togethers.

"Hey Sweetie!"

Smiling, I say nothing. Maybe, if I don't speak nothing, stupid will come out. Just focus on the carpet and sit still Tiffany...maybe she'll forget you're here.

"Are you okay?"

Slowly I nod my head, so that I won't have to answer her.

"So, how is everything?"

Please stop fucking talking to me!!! "Fine," I whisper.

Yes!!! Lisa's coming this way! "Hey Tiffany. You good?" Lisa asks and my eyes light up. I love this lady...she is my heart! But why in the hell did she ask me that...don't she know that I can't talk!

"Yeah." I finally say.

Lisa winks at me and says "Okay...you know I got you!" Yeah I know. She always looks out for me. Lisa is the _only_ person that cares about me. If I ever have a problem or get scared she is always there for me and I love her for that. She is the only person I can talk to... _about most things_. Looking up, I realize she's walking away...no!!! Lisa don't leave me...please come back. No luck, I think to myself as she's walks out the door.

"So it's everyone who gets just one syllable answer and not just me? Good because my feelings were going to be hurt." Shut up I think...wait, what? Why would she want me to talk to her?

"Why?" I ask.

"Why what sweetie?"

"Why, umm, why would" spit it out Tiffany! "Umm, why would your feelings be hurt?" Shit, why can't I talk without sounding like a retard?

"Because I'm your sister and I want to talk to you."

"Oh...why?" Why would she want to talk to me? I'm only 13 years old and she's grown. What could we possibly have to talk about?

Marie laughs and asks, "Why not?" I reply with a shoulder shrug.

I just want to go home! What time is it anyway? I go to pull out my pocket watch to look at the time but my hand won't move. Yeah I said pocket watch...I'll admit it, I'm a dork. Discovering that my hand won't move, I think to myself...Oh god, I'm paralyzed...I can't move...great, now I can't talk or move! Wait, can you really become paralyzed from fear? I try to get into my pocket again but nothing happens. I look at my hand to see why it won't move and realize that Marie has decided to intertwine her fingers in mine and is holding my hand. When did she do that?!?! And who does that??? Creepy!!! You don't just hold a stranger's hand, especially not like that! It's too personal and it makes me uncomfortable...I hate people touching me!

Please God don't let her realize that my hand is sweating. Why can't she just leave me alone? Why can't she just go away and find someone else to talk to? And where the hell did Lisa go...why didn't she take me with her?

Still holding my hand, she looks at the ring I have on my thumb and says, 'that's pretty." It's a simple silver band on my left thumb that looks like nothing special, but to me it means everything. Lisa gave it to me a long time ago and I cherish it. Honestly, it's the only thing I have that I can call mine. She has one just like it and she said as long as we wear them, even if we aren't together, we're still connected. That's why I love Lisa. She thinks about me, even when no one else does.

To most people I am invisible...but not to Lisa. It's easy for me to disappear and no one notice because I don't talk much; I'd rather watch people to know what's coming. Not talking and being invisible helps me... it helps me to deal with the life I live and the things I have to go through. I can't change my life, so I have to find ways to survive.

Getting lost in my thoughts, I forget that Marie asked me a question and now I can't even remember what it was. She's staring at me and I'm beginning to get uncomfortable. Think, think, think...what did she ask you? I can't remember! Say something before she thinks you're an idiot! "I gotta go" I say and jump up to leave.

"Where are you going?" Marie asks as she looks at me and smiles pulling me back to my seat.

Nowhere. I want to say but it won't come out. I just shake my head no and look back down.

"What, you can't talk now?"

Naw bitch...I can't talk so why don't you shut up! I think and I quietly giggle

"You don't talk much do you?"

"Sometimes." I try to pull my hand away again but she holds it tighter.

"I'll be right back" Marie says as she gets up to leave the room. As soon as she exits, I jump up and go to the bathroom. Maybe she'll forget about me and I can hide and bask in my own weirdness in peace. I hate being around people!

***

I'm at my Aunt Sidney's house because she's having a party and everyone on my dad's side of the family is here. Most of the people I don't even know because I never spend time with my dad's family...or my dad. I figured that since no one ever sees me it would make it easier for me to go unnoticed, but for some reason, today _everyone_ wants to speak to me. My Aunt Sidney is my dad's sister and she's pretty nice, but I don't really like meeting new people. Mama knows this but she made me come anyway.

I am the second youngest of 4 girls. My baby sister is Gabriella and she is the sweetest baby I have ever known. She's not like most little sisters who get on your nerves...she more like a little doll, at least that's what everybody says. She's only 4 years old and she is my mom's favorite daughter. My oldest sister is Marie, she's the one I'm hiding from. I don't really know her, but she's my dad's daughter who lives in another state. I can't remember which state it is but I know its somewhere up north where it snows a lot. Then there's Lisa, my second older sister, who's 9 years older than me.

Now here's where it gets kind of confusing...we all have the same mom except Marie...but only me and Marie have the same dad. Lisa's dad, Perry, died when she was little...I think from a car wreck. Then Ma got with Marie's dad and I was born. I call him Marie's dad because I've only seen him a few times in my life. And of course, he's never lived with us, so I don't know him as my dad. From what I heard, he's married to Marie's mom and lives somewhere in the same town as we do, but he cheated on her and that's how I was made.

When I was about 3 was when Mama met Ricky and told me I have a new daddy. A couple of years after I met my new daddy he moved out but still a few years later, Gabriella was born. Those two years were the best years of my life. Gabriella is the only one of us who has a white daddy, which doesn't bother me; but what does bother me is that he was my daddy first and now he only sees Gabi. It's okay though because I still love him. When I get married, I want to marry a guy like Ricky...he was always really nice to me.

Back to the problem at hand. I need to find Lisa ASAP and talk her into getting me out of here. All of these people are making me nervous and I definitely don't want to have to talk to Marie again. Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like her, it's just that I don't know her and meeting new people scares me. I take my time in the bathroom and know that I'm stalling since I've washed my hands twice and I've read all the labels on the prescriptions in the medicine cabinet. Finally, I get the nerve to peek out the door and make sure no one's around. Once and I see that the coast is clear, I slip off down the hallway to the right of the bathroom and look in all the empty room to find the perfect place for me to hide for a while. As soon as I get ready to go up the stairs to the bedrooms on the second floor, my heart drops.

"There you are! I was looking for you!" I slowly turn around, seeing that Marie has snuck up behind me, and of course, she's standing there, smiling at me. "Come on we have to run to the store to get more ice." I try to stall and find an excuse to stay because I don't want to go with her...but nothing will come to my mind. "Umm my mom will get mad if I leave without telling her." Okay, I lied...so sue me.

"I asked her if I could take you with me and she said it was okay." She says, as if she already knew I would make an excuse to get out of it.

Thanks a lot Mama! "Oh" is all I can say as I slowly drag my feet and begin walking towards her. I guess I wasn't moving fast enough because she grabs my hand _again_ and practically drags me to the front door.

Closing the front door behind me, I see Lisa sitting on the porch talking on her cell phone as she glances back to see who's coming out. I look at her and beg her, with my eyes, to save me but she just looks at me and smiles. She knows I'm begging...the polite thing for her to do would be to help me, but she doesn't. She makes me so mad sometimes. She always tells me I need to stop being so shy and get to know new people. I guess she thinks I'm taking her advice and "breaking out of my shell" but really in reality, I'm being held hostage and kidnapped! And she's just sitting there smiling. Continuing to plead with her through my eyes, she finally puts the phone to her shoulder and asks where we're going. Marie tells her we are running to the store to get ice and Lisa says that she was just about to take me home with her.

Yes! I knew she would come through for me! I try to pull my hand out of Marie's to go sit beside Lisa but Marie keeps a tight hold saying "We'll be right back. Plus, I want ya'll to stay so for my big announcement." Lisa looks at me with a pitiful smile like "hey, I tried" and goes back to her conversation. Damn! Can this day get any worse?

MARIE

Tiffany is my baby sister and she is so adorable! She's an unusual little bird but adorable nonetheless. I can tell that she's terrified amongst the crowd of people and I want to comfort her. The only problem with that is, that I'm one of unknowns of the crowd. When she was just a baby, I moved to Maine and wasn't part of her life growing up, so she does not know me as her sister. Of course she knows that I am her sister but she doesn't know me like she knows her other sisters. I was devastated when I found out that my dad had gotten her mother pregnant, so when it was time for me to go to college, I picked a college as far away as possible. I always knew that my dad stepped out on my mom, but I was devastated when I found out he had another child. I was the only child all my life and when I became an adult he decided to have another child, and not with my mother...just ridiculous! I don't know why my mother puts up with him and all his bullshit but if she likes it, I love it.

I glance over at Tiffany and she's practically clinging to the window to keep as far away from me as possible. I'll admit, my feelings are a little hurt but it's okay because I know she'll warm up to me.

"Seatbelt missy" I say and she looks at me as if I have two heads. Slowly she pulls it across her chest and buckles it all while looking as if I am going to kidnap her. I chuckle a little and we head to the store.

"So, what do you like to do for fun?" I know it's corny but I'm trying to find a way to make her a little more comfortable. Shit she's so uncomfortable, she's making me uncomfortable. Maybe talking about herself will break the ice and get her to talking. Everyone knows that a teenager's favorite thing to talk about is themselves. But of course she doesn't answer and just shrugs her shoulders.

"You don't know or you just don't want to answer." Another should shrug. Okay...this is going to be harder than I thought.

"So you want me to just shut up and leave you alone?" No answer. At least she didn't shrug her shoulders again. Too bad...not going to happen.

"I know you're not always this quiet." She smiles. Okay,now we're getting somewhere.

"You can turn the radio station if you want...there's some cd's on the floor if you want to look through them."

"No thank you." She's so polite...such a sweet child. Now, if she would only talk.

"So...."

The awkwardness is tense but I want Tiffany to know that she can be comfortable around me. She seems to be a really shy and lonesome girl but I can tell that she is a true sweetheart. I wonder what's going through that little head of hers.

As we enter the store, I figure that we could walk around for a little while and eventually something will catch her eye and I can get her to talk. The smell of the bakery section calls my name, making me crave something sweet. Just to make conversation I ask her what kind of cake she likes.

"I don't know."

"Okay...well I know you're allergic to strawberries so I guess that's out of the question. Just pick whatever kind you want." She looks at me with a surprised look and shyly smiles.

"What you didn't think I knew that. You're my baby sister, I'm supposed to know things like that."

Tiffany makes no attempt to select a cake so I grab a chocolate cake, turning to her for confirmation and she shakes her head yes. "Do you cook or bake?" I ask.

"Sometimes." And that's _all_ i get. Lord this child is hard. Looking at her, I dissect her and try to figure out what has made her so afraid to open up and talk. She has perfectly flawless skin, long flowing black hair, and a shapely developing body that most women would die for, so I would imagine she would have pretty high self-esteem. From what Aunt Sidney tells me, she does great in school so I know she's not slow. What is it that has made her so shy? What could have happened for her self-esteem to be so low?

Just by her looks and smarts alone, she should be the happiest child in the world...but her eyes tell a different story. I'm not very exposed to children, so I don't know much about them, but I know that any other teenagers who has the brains and looks she does would be so self-centered and conceited that you couldn't pay them to shut up talking. I also know from being a nurse that many children who are like her are often abused or mistreated in some way. The ones who are quiet and make little eye contact are always the ones who grab my heart. I guess their sincerity and selfless personality is what draws me in. But every time one comes in, when you look into their eyes, you can see the hurt and pain buried deep inside. It terrifies me that I see the same thing when I look at Tiffany and my eyes instantly tear up at the thought of someone hurting her. I know I have never been in her life but I love her and I'll kill anyone who hurts her. I know I have no proof and it's just suspicion, but you tend to think like that in my field of work.

I know I'm getting emotional over something I don't even know is true, but before I can stop myself, I embrace her in a hug and feel how rigid she is. She doesn't hug me back and just stands there, as stiff as a board, like a hug is a foreign concept to her. Pulling back, I look at her, and a look of sheer terror is on her face. I knew it would make her uncomfortable, but I couldn't help myself. I'm an emotional and very affectionate person and thinking about her _possible_ pain made me hug her. I felt like I needed to hug her, not just for me but for her as well. I try look into her eyes to see something, anything, that would give me a clue but she looks down in her normal manner. She never makes direct eye contact with anyone and that scares me shitless.

As consolation, I grab her hand again and we walk to get the ice, handing her the cake while I carry the two bags of ice to the checkout. As soon as we're in the car, Tiffany quickly puts her seatbelt on and stares straight forward with no emotionless. Damn it, I'm going to get this child to talk if it kills me! As I start the car I ask her "So Miss Tiffany, do you want to go anywhere else while we're out?" Furiously she shakes her head no.

"What are you going to do for the whole summer now that you're out?" She shrugs her shoulders saying she doesn't know. Oh well, I tried. I'm a pretty talkative person and I don't think I've ever had to try this hard to get someone to talk to me. Maybe as the day goes on...it'll get better.

We arrive back at the house and as soon as I turn the car off Tiffany jumps out the car and leaves the cake on the seat. She opens the back door and grabs the two bags of ice and damn near sprints towards the house. I yell to her that I will get the ice but she doesn't answer and keeps walking. Damn that child is fast, I think as I close my door and when I look up she's already gone.

LISA

I hate coming to these family functions, especially since these people aren't my family. Of course, _Leslie_ felt that it would be polite for me to come since they've "always considered me a part of the family." Just because this is Tiffany's family does _not_ mean that I have to deal with them too. And of course, if I wouldn't have come, Mama would've been on a warpath. Honestly, I don't mind coming _too_ much because I know it makes Tiffany feel a little bit more comfortable. I love both of my sisters dearly, and would do anything in the world for them, so here I am, stuck celebrating with a family that isn't even mine. This time, the family wanted to get together because Marie is back in town. I think they just like to find an excuse to get together and eat, but hey, free food and free liquor is always a plus. There's supposed to be a big announcement during this thing, but of course everyone has eaten and now they're just standing around like people don't have better things to do. I hate to say it, but if it doesn't happen soon...I'm out.

***

I make my way to one of the coolers by the house, grab a beer, and sit under a tree in the shade. Gabriella, who we call Gabi, runs up to me and is talking a mile a minute about trees, or elephants, or some shit in her 4 year old mind that it the best thing in the world. I try to keep up with what she's saying but between her fast talking and constant bouncing around, I can't focus. The one thing I love about children her age is how gullible they are so I tell her to go and find Mama to tell about her exciting news. I know its mean but this party has put me in an ill mood and that child is too hyper for me to deal with right now. As soon as I mention of Mama, she's like a schizophrenic on crack and her short little mind is already focused on her next adventure.

Man, this family is a unique bunch! They're all an array of colors and heights, seemingly, the commonality is the insanity running through their bloodline. Most of the people here are family members of Tiffany's dad and neighborhood friends, but of course that bastard doesn't have the decency to even show up. Mom and Tiffany's dad, Ray, hooked up for a while after my dad passed away and he's been a pain in my ass ever since. My dad was killed when someone ran him off the road on his way home from work. It was never determined who the hit and run driver was, but since that day, Moms has never been the same. Mama became depressed and has been looking for love ever since. Unfortunately, she keeps hooking up with men who only stay around for a minute. Now don't get me wrong my mother is a good woman. The house is always clean, clothes and dishes are always washed, and a home cooked meal is ready every day for dinner. But she says that you only get a true love once in a lifetime and my dad was hers. I wish she could find someone to make her happy like she used to be. Someone who would take away some of the pain in her heart, but that's not up for me to decide. I think she thought that Ray was the one who could take the place of her former love, but soon after Tiffany was born, Mama found out that Ray was already married. Ray was a cool guy in the beginning and was good to us, but his true colors eventually came out. We would do things as a family and he treated me like I was his own child, but little did we know he had another family across town. Once mama found out, she told him that he would be able to see Tiffany as much as he wanted, because she wanted him to be a part of Tiffany's life. Unfortunately for Tiffany, Ray has only come around a few times in the past 13 years....definitely not enough for her to consider him her father.

And then there's Ricky. Ricky is, Gabriella's dad, whom moms said swept her off her feet from day one but she always knew that she did not love him. Ricky is a great dad and he gets Gabi on most weekends and a couple of times during the week. He always makes sure she's taken care of and she wants for nothing. I truly think that Ricky loved Mama but she just never treated him right. When Mama was with my daddy and Ray, she treated them like kings. She would cater to them and spoil them, saying "that's what a good wife does for her husband." I'm not sure about all that, but I can never imagine myself catering to any man...husband or not, but Mama lived by it. But with Ricky, that's how he treated Mama. He always brought us gifts, he took us out to eat, played with us, talked to us about things that interested us _and_ made sure we had everything we _wanted_ and not just needed. But for some reason, Mama never treated him like she cared about him. Eventually he got tired of being unappreciated and gave up on trying, but true to his word, he has never forgotten about Gabi.

Getting lost in my thoughts, I'm startled when somebody sits so close to me that they're damn near in my lap. I look over and see Tiffany, looking like this is the most miserable day of her life. Smiling I think to myself that she's just as miserable as I am.

Tiffany is kind of different...she doesn't say much and doesn't do very well around strangers, but once you get to know her, you can see that she has a personality that most people would kill for. T's always been a shy child, but within the last year, she seems to have changed. She's no longer her happy self and most of the time just mopes around like her puppy ran away. I don't know what's caused the change, but I miss the old T...I miss her laughing at anything and joking around like she doesn't have a care in the world. "What's up chick?" I ask her and she looks at me like I just shit on her brand new sneakers.

"Bored...and I want to go home."

"What do you want to go home for? You know as soon as you get there you're going to be bored there and want to go somewhere else."

She gets a devilish grin on her face and says, "Well let's go somewhere else?"

"Like where T?" I ask with fake annoyance. I should have known she was going to say that.

"We can go to your house and hang out...anywhere as long as it's not here."

"T, this is your family, we _all_ had to come so that you could spend time with your family."

"Well, nobody asked me if I wanted to come."

"That's because you would've said no. Besides, you know your mother loves spending time with your aunt Sidney."

"That's the only reason we had to come...because mama wanted to come. She gets on my nerves!"

"What is it with you and mama nowadays? Ya'll are always at each other throats."

"I don't know" she mumbles and shrugs her shoulders. "She just gets on my nerves?"

"Yeah sometimes she can be a little much." Then she gives me that smile and wraps her arms around me saying. "Come on...lets sneak out of here."

"Out of where? We're already outside. We would have to be inside to sneak _out_."

"You know what I mean. Pleeeaaase can we go?"

"Where are we going to go?"

"I don't know....anywhere." I ignore her request because I don't want to fall into her charm and we'll both have to hear it from Mama about being rude and running off.

"How was your ride with your sister?"

Pulling away from me, she looks down at her hands solemnly and shrugs her shoulders

"I don't know. She makes me uncomfortable. And she's weird."

I let out a slight chuckle because to her, everyone is weird. "You call everybody weird. You even say you're weird so ya'll should get along."

"No, she's really weird...like weird weird."

"What do you mean weird weird?"

"You know how when you're around a murderer or a weirdo and they make you feel weird. She's that kind of weird!"

I let out a loud laugh at that one! " You have never been around a murderer so how would you know?"

"You know what I mean! She just makes me uncomfortable. And she touches me too much."

"You are a mess. Maybe she's just affectionate. Or maybe she's just trying to get to know you."

"I don't know but I don't like it."

"Well you don't mind when I touch you, I say as I poke her in the side and she squirms from the tickle.

T lays her head on my shoulder and asks "do you think I'm weird?"

I wrap my arms around her and lean against the top of her head. "No sweetie...I think you're great. I mean yeah you get nervous a lot for little stuff but you'll grow out of it. At your age, the world is starting to look different and people are looking at your differently from how they saw you when you were a little kid so it's okay to be nervous. But you have to make sure that you let them know that you're strong and not afraid of them."

Releasing one arm from her and leave one around her shoulder, I have to pull away to not get emotional because of my budding little sister. I'm so proud of her and the young woman that she's struggling to become. After taking a sip of my beer, I hand it to her as I glance around at the guests. Tiffany hands the beer back to me...empty. "Did you drink all of it???"

She giggles, nodding yes and I know she's lying. "Let me smell your breath." She giggles again and scoots away shaking her head. "Come here and let me smell your breath." I say as I try to grab her knowing she didn't drink it. As I reach to grab her leg, she jumps up and runs away giggling no. Chasing her and eventually catching her around the side of the house, she admits she poured it out because I "didn't need to be drinking it." I love this girl! Even though she did waste a perfectly good beer.

"Come on." Let's blow this joint!" I tell her, running to my car with my arm around her shoulder. Once inside the car, I text moms telling her I will bring Tiffany home later. I'll just have to deal with her fussing later when I drop her off.

LESLIE

This party is nice. Free food and free beer! I love it. Sidney definitely knows how to throw a party...but she needs to step up her game on getting some fine men here. Hell, I wish Lisa would've taken Gabi with her too so I can stay longer as I want. I don't know why she took Tiffany and left Gabi here anyway. She knows I don't like her doing things for Tiffany and not for Gabi...I don't want my baby to feel like she's being left out.

When I get home, I'm going to whoop Tiffany ass! She know not to leave without asking me first, I don't care if she is with Lisa...she knows better. For some reason, recently she's been acting like she doesn't have to listen to what I say. She thinks she can do whatever she want to, but I'll be damned if she think she's going to run my house. Whatever! I'm not going to let her ruin my day...I got things to see and people to do! Where is my girl Keisha at, I thought she was going to come through?

Where are you?-Send text.

Keisha texts back-At the house, I'm on my way.

Next, I sent a text to Lisa-Why didn't you not take Gabi with you?

Several minutes later, she still hasn't replied and I know she's ignoring me on purpose. Tiffany and Lisa deliberately do things just to get on my nerves, but not my Gabi...that's why she's my favorite. Now, I would never tell Lisa or Tiffany that Gabi is my favorite...I'm just being honest with you.

You should've taken both of them. Not just one.-I another text to Lisa because now she's really pissing me off. Lisa knows I hate being ignored, but she does it anyway just to get on my nerves.

I'll bring T home in a little bit-she sends back

Bring her back now! This is her family and she needs to be here. I send...for some reason her and Tiffany take me as a joke, but trust and believe...I'm queen bitch in this world. Another 10 minutes goes by and Lisa still hasn't responded. I really don't care that she has Tiffany and really don't want her to bring her back. I just wanted her to come back so I could send Gabi with her. Little bitch...she's always hated on Gabi because she says I treat Gabi better than I treat her and Tiffany. I know I do, but it's not her place to be telling me that. I'm the mama and she needs to stay in her role as daughter and respect me. Besides, I treat Gabi differently, not because I like her better but because she's my baby...my little princess.

She is really ruining my buzz! I don't care because I'm going to have my fun anyway. I grab another beer, but I really wish they had something stronger. Not going to worry about that either. I know my girl Keisha will come through and bring the good stuff like she usually does.

And as quick as I think it, Keisha switches through the house, coming out to the back yard with her signature blond weave and short tight skirt. Bitch! I wish I still had a figure like that. It doesn't matter anyway because the men always prefer me over her. Men always tell me that I have just enough meat on my bones to keep them warm. Trust me...I'm a bad bitch.

"Hey girl! Did you bring something extra?"

"Damn Les, let me sit down before you start begging for a fix."

Rolling my eyes at her I say, "I'm not a damn crackhead, I don't need a fix! I just want something stronger than this weak ass light beer. " Keisha is my girl and I love her to death, but that crackhead shit is about to get on my damn nerves. She always talking about that shit, like I'm an addict or something. I mean yeah, occasionally I like a little something to calm my nerves or to make me feel good, but damn she act like I do shit every single day. Okay, I do do it every day but it's just liquor and weed, nothing serious like coke or heroin.

"Okay then alcoholic! You know I brought something for you." Keisha pulls out a bottle of liquor and sits it on the table.

"Bitch put that back in your purse before somebody come over here and try to drink up all my stuff!"

"Your stuff? I don't see you putting any money in my hand for this. This is _my_ liquor and I'm just being nice enough to let you have some."

"Girl stop playing" I say as I get up to go and get us some cups with ice for our drinks.

I return and hold my cup in front of her purse to have Keisha pour me some while I ask her if Frank is coming to the party

"No girl, he says he has to work today but I know he's at that hoe's house."

"Frank barely work as it is, why in the hell would he tell a bold face lie like having to work on the damn weekend? I don't see why you still put up with him when you know _you're_ the other chick on the side."

"Because even though he mess with that other hoe, I know he's going to always come back to me at night."

"What you mean come back to you at night? Bitch he live with his wife, he's going to go home to her at night."

Keisha rolls her eyes at me and snaps saying "he is in the process of divorcing her and when he does, we're going to get a house out in Texas and get married."

"Now Keisha, he has been telling you that same lie for the past two years. If he hasn't divorced his wife by now, he aint going to do it."

"He's just waiting for the right time. You know he's been having trouble with money and he has to get back on his feet before he can just up and leave."

"Of course he's having problems with his money...because he won't keep a fucking job."

"He keeps a job just fine, he just doesn't let anyone run over him and you know when supervisors get a little power they start to trip and try to make a black men do all the shit no one else will do."

"Okay Keisha, you keep telling yourself that lie."

"Les, why do you always hate on Frank? Frank has never done anything to you so you have no reason to talk about him like that. Is it because you want my man? Or is it because he has something you want?"

"Keisha what the hell you think Frank got that I want?"

"Me" Keisha says with a serious look on her face.

"Bitch please! I don't want you! Hell I would break your skinny ass in two if I got ahold of you. Plus, ain't nothing a woman can do for me except kiss my natural black ass and I ain't into that freaky shit!"

Keisha and I both burst out laughing because we both know that Frank is not my type and neither is Keisha. Hell I like my men strong and black and neither one of them fits that description.

Keisha and I both drank and partied until around 12:00am...until Gabi started to whine that she was sleepy. Damn I should have made Lisa come back and get her. Since she want to make decisions about my kids and just leave with Tiffany, I should've made her take both of them so that I could be free for just one damn night.

I make my way into the living room where tables have been set up for the adults to play cards and dominoes. Pulling Gabi by her hand, I drag her through the house looking for Sidney. When I find her, I see that she's in the kitchen putting up the leftover food and washing dishes.

"Hey Sidney!"

"Hey Leslie...you enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah girl! You sure do know how to throw a party."

Sidney smiles, thanks me and tells me that we're always welcome in her home. Even though her trifling brother doesn't do right by his daughter, I think. Well...since Sidney is feeling so gracious this is the perfect time. "Well girl, I'm getting tired and Gabi is too so I'm going to head on home."

Sidney thanks me for coming and for bringing her niece to see her whom says she always loves to see. Sidney says "You know Leslie, even though Lisa and Gabi have a different daddy, I want them to know I think of them as my nieces too. Not just because of Tiffany, but because I love them."

"Oh girl they both know you love them just as much as you love Tiffany. And they both love you too."

"Good" Sidney says and comes to Gabi giving her a hug. She picks Gabi up and says to her "you know your Auntie Sidney loves you right?" Gabi sleepily rubs her eyes and shakes her head yes.

Sidney puts Gabi back down and begins to walk us to the door when I say "Sidney, I hate to ask you this but I am so tired and I think I have had a little too much to drink....do you think Gabi can stay here tonight?"

She gets a nervous look on her face. "Leslie I don't think that would be a good idea! She knows us but I'm not sure she would be okay to stay all night. Has she ever stayed anywhere overnight?"

"Yeah, she stays with Lisa and her daddy all the time _and_ she's stayed with a few of her friends. She'll be alright." Okay the friends part was a lie, but she doesn't have to know that. Gabi has never really stayed away from home all night, because she's my pride and joy and I don't like her to be away from me. She has stayed with her daddy all night without me, but any other time Tiffany is with her. I like when both of them are gone, it gives me the chance to be free.

"Gabi, don't you want to spend the night at your Auntie Sidney's house tonight and play with all the kids?"

Shaking her head no, tears began to well in her eyes. "Come on Gabi, be a big girl for mommy and stay the night with your auntie."

Now the tears are pouring down her face like a waterfall, while she's sniffing and gasping for air. "Leslie, I don't think she needs to stay here tonight with her being so upset. Maybe her and Tiffany both can stay one night so that she'll feel more comfortable."

"Naw, she'll be okay. Just put her in the bed and she'll go to sleep on her own." I say rushing to the door with Keisha in tow.

"Leslie, do not leave your child like this! Leaving her this upset is going to scare her and she won't want to stay over again."

"She'll be alright. Gabi mommy will be here in the morning before you even wake up. Love you baby...bye!" I kiss her check and close the door behind me.

"Les, you know you shouldn't have left that baby like that." Keisha says quietly through her alcohol induced haze.

"She'll be alright. Besides, I deserve to have one night without my kids. Hell, nobody ever wants to give me a break from them, so I had to take matters into my own hands. Plus I'm too drunk to be driving my baby around."

TIFFANY

"That was your mama saying she wants you to come back to the party." Lisa says.

Why does she want me to come back? I didn't even want to go in the first place. "So you gotta take me back?"

"Not unless you want to go back."

Lowering my head, quickly shaking it no...I hope Lisa doesn't turn around and take me back.

"Okay. I told her I would take you home later."

Good. "So where are we going to go?"

"Did you eat at your Aunt Sidney's?"

"No"

"We can get some pizza and hang at the house. Call and order it so it'll be ready by the time we get there."

"What kind?"

"Whatever you want."

We get to Lisa's house and I put the pizza down on the kitchen table and Lisa has gone to her bedroom to change clothes, I pour us soda and fix our plates.

"You didn't have to fix my plate for me T. I would have done it." Lisa says when she comes into the kitchen.

"Sorry...habit." Mama always makes me fix her and Gabi's plate so out of instinct, I fixed both plates.

"It's okay. I just don't want you to feel like you have to cater to anyone."

"I don't mind really." Lisa stares at me and it begins to make me uncomfortable. What? Did I say something that made her mad?

"What do you mean its habit?"

Dang it... I shouldn't have said that. Mama is going to kill me. I shrug my shoulders pretending I don't know what I meant.

"What do you mean its habit? Whose plate do you have to fix?"

"Nobody's. I meant...I said that because I have to fix Gabi's plate when mama's gone."

"Only when's mama's gone?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have to fix Mama's too?" Lisa asks me as she grabs both plate and heads to the living room.

I grab napkins and follow her into the living room. I put both drinks on the table and sit down in my favorite spot on the sofa, the side closest to the door. Once situated with my legs folded under me, Lisa hands me my plate and waits for my answer.

"So do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you have to make Mama's plate too?"

I almost say yes, sometimes Lisa makes me nervous when she asks all of these questions. Focusing on my pizza, picking off onions and peppers, I quietly say no even though it's a lie. I hate lying to Lisa the most. She's still looking at me and I know she doesn't believe me, but I _can't_ tell her the truth. My eyes are burning and I know soon the tears will start to come out. Stop it! Do not cry!

"T, baby...what is it?"

Nothing I shake my head.

"Don't do that...I know it's something. Tell me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I whisper wiping away the few tears that have started to slide down my face. Oh no...now my nose it burning! I can't stop it. Please let me stop crying.

I quickly wipe away the tears praying they will stop coming and that I don't go into a full blown crying fit. I feel it coming. It feels like my nose is on fire...but I can't stop it. I go into a full blown fit of sobs and my nose begins to run. I reach for the napkins, hoping that Elle's not still looking at me _and_ that I can stop crying. I glance up and see tears in Lisa's eyes and I have a complete meltdown because now I feel even worse.

"Tiffany, sweetie, please tell me what's wrong. You know I will make sure you're okay but I can't do that unless you tell me what's wrong."

I wish Lisa was my mother. I wish I could live with her and never have to go back home. By now Lisa is hugging me so tight that I can't breathe but I won't pull away because I like it. I can't ever remember a time when Mama has hugged me. I guess when I was little, like Gabi she did but I don't remember. I look up at Lisa and ask "Can I live with you?"

"Why do you want to live with me?"

"I just do." I laugh a little because Lisa looks like someone drew lines on her face with black marker. I tell her that her makeup has run down her face and she wipes it with her napkin I can still see a little of the black.

"You got snot on my shirt." Lisa says

"Sorry." I laugh. I like that she always makes me laugh when I'm sad.

"Why do you say sorry so much? Don't apologize to people so much. Don't let people think that they intimidate you."

"Sorry."

"Stop it." We both laugh. "So you gonna tell me what that was about?"

"Nothing."

"Okay" she says and I'm surprised that she just let it go. I love that she doesn't push me. Sometimes she does when she wants me to do good in school or hang out with people more to "socialize" as she calls it. But sometime she doesn't. We finish our pizza and watch tv for a while until Elle Lisa says its 12:ooAM and that she needs to call Mama.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"I think mama really wanted you to go home, but if she says you can its okay with me."

"Ok" I guess she has something else to do tonight and doesn't want me to stay. I don't know, I think, as I get up to take our dishes in the kitchen. I put the dishes in the sink and begin to fill the sink with water to wash them and the few dishes that were already in the sink.

"What are you doing? You know you don't have to wash dishes when you're here. I'll wash then tomorrow when I clean up."

"Its' okay. I don't mind."

"Well I do. Come on. Mama didn't answer so I guess you can stay tonight."

Yes!!! Wait, I forgot that Elle didn't want me to stay. I go to the door and put on my jacket and put my shoes and tell her, "It's okay. I have my key. Mama's probably already at home asleep." Yeah right. Mama is probably still at Aunt Sidney's drunk or maybe she is at home...drunk.

"No...I am _not_ going to take you home if I don't even know if mama is there or not."

"Mama says I'm old enough to stay at home by myself so it's okay."

"Not at night by yourself, it's not."

"Oh...but you had plans." I thought it was okay to stay at home by myself at night. I guess no one ever told mama that she's not supposed to leave me and Gabi at home alone at night. I'll just tell her when I get home...but I _definitely_ won't tell Elle that mama lets us stay at night by ourselves.

"I didn't have any plans. Come on, lets go to bed. I'm tired."

"Okay." I put my jacket back on the coatrack and take my shoes back off. Elle only has one bedroom in her apartment so I usually sleep on the couch. I don't like to sleep by myself because Gabi usually sleeps with me at home. But at Lisa's house, I'm never scared to sleep by myself.

I follow Lisa upstairs to her room because I don't have any clothes to sleep in so she is going to give me something to wear. Elle hands me a tank top and shorts like she has gotten for herself to sleep in and begins to put them on. She's taller than me and skinnier than me and gorgeous! I guess that's why she doesn't mind changing her clothes in front of me, but I don't feel comfortable changing in front of her. Once she's dressed she turns and looks at me. Aww man, she saw me looking at her. I hope she doesn't think I'm creepy or anything. Before I know it, my face is burning with embarrassment and I quickly turn away.

I wasn't trying to check her out or anything, it's just that I hope that I look like that when I get older. I quickly look down at my toes, which the gold polish I put on them a week ago has started to come off and remind myself to paint them when I get home.

She comes back in the room from the bathroom where she washed the leftover black streaks and all of her makeup off of her face. Elle has really smooth and pretty dark brown skin that I wished my own skin looked like, instead of all the bumps and oil on my face. Maybe one day my skin and body will look like hers.

I finally realize that she's ready to get in bed when she starts pulling back the covers and throwing the different shaped pillows onto the floor. Why have so many pillows on the bed if you only need one to sleep on? Maybe I can get mama to buy me covers and a blanket that all match like Elle's...maybe she'll at least get me a pillow.

I didn't realize that I was standing there, in a daze, staring at the 6 different shaped pillows on the floor until I heard Elle saying something. I didn't hear what she said and I'm too embarrassed to ask so I say "Oh." Hoping that its a good enough answer for whatever she just said. I quickly make my way to the door to go to the couch downstairs but she stops me.

"T, will you sleep with me tonight?" She must think I'm the weirdest person on the face of the earth just standing there staring at the bed. Probably felt sorry for me and that's why she asked me to sleep with her.

"You don't want me to sleep with you, I sleep too wild." Really, I don't. I've gotten used to sleeping half way awake so that any little noise will wake me up. I also sleep lightly because Gabi has been sleeping with me since she was a little baby and I get scared that I'll hurt her while I am sleeping. Sometimes I don't get to sleep at all at night...that's why I get in trouble at school for falling asleep in class. School and Elle's house are the only places I get to sleep peacefully.

"Oh please. I'll probably kick you out of the bed with how I sleep, so I think I'll be okay." Giggling, I think...she is so funny sometimes. I go to the right side of the bed to lie down but she says, "Are you going to sleep in your clothes or are you going to put the pajamas on that I gave you.''

Honestly, I forgot that I even had the pajamas in my hand and stand back up. Quickly I go to the bathroom and change clothes, but am too embarrassed to go back out. The tank top doesn't cover enough and the shorts are tight around my thighs. I wish she would have taken me home, at least then I wouldn't have to walk back out there like this! Oh well... it's too late now. Picking up my clothes, I go back into Elle's room, pulling the tank top away from my body so that it doesn't show that my stomach sticks out. I hear Elle snoring quietly so I let out a sigh of relief and fold my clothes placing them on the floor by the head of my bed. I guess I could have put them on the chair beside the dresser but I don't want to put my dirty clothes that I wore today on Elle's clean chair. Quietly I ease onto the bed, not to wake Lisa and she says "you're not going to get under the covers?"

"Oh...yeah" and I get back up to pull the covers back. She's now looking at me like I'm crazy and I simply say "I forgot." I'm really not as crazy as I sound, I'm just not used to sleeping _in_ a bed.

Elle laughs a little and now I know she thinks I'm weird! As soon as I get comfortable and start to fall asleep she puts her arm around me and I tense up. She feels me flinch and immediately pulls her arm back saying sorry. I tell her its okay and she turns onto her stomach with her face away from me. I know that she would never do anything to me but I don't like anyone touching me when I'm asleep. Sometimes Gabi touches me and that's okay because she's still a baby, but I don't like anyone else touching me.

Sleep won't come to me and I lay there hoping I fall asleep soon. I lean up and peek at the alarm clock on Lisa's side of the bed and realize 30 minutes have passed since I've gotten in the bed. Scooting closer to Elle, I lay on her shoulder and wrap my arms around her arm closest to me...and I instantly fall asleep thinking...I wish I could live with Elle.

LISA

I wake up and look at the clock that reads 12:00 PM...I guess we were more tired than we thought. I turn around to see if Tiffany is awake, but can't move because she's wrapped herself around me so tightly that I cannot move. She looks so peaceful as she sleeps...completely different from when her eyes are open. Staring at her, I wonder how she is clutched to me now, as if her life depends on it, and just last night when I went to snuggle with her, she nearly jumped out of the bed. I wish I could get into that brain of hers, just for a few minutes, to see what's going on with her. Like I said before, she's always been shy but something's going on but I just can't figure out what it is. She really began to change around the end of the last school year and she began to be much more withdrawn. Maybe something at school is going on, but she's been out for two weeks and she still seems to be jumpy. Shy and scared at two different things and I can tell that she's scared. I want to help her and take away the pain that I see in her eyes, on the few times she will actually look in my eyes, but for some reason she won't tell me.

By far, T is not a talker but I know of anyone, she tells me the most. Usually the only time I see her relaxed is when she is with me, but at the drop of a hat or one question too many, that all changes. I've been trying to get her to talk to me but eventually she shuts down and withdraws back into herself. She scared the shit out of me last night when she burst into tears for no reason? It could be puberty and her hormones are making her emotional. Hell I don't know...this could be normal teenage stuff and I'm just looking too much into it. Whatever it is, I have to get her to talk to me just to make sure. And what did she mean by "it's habit" that she fixes someone else's food? And why is she continuously apologizing? Ugh...I don't know what it is but I don't like it and I am going to find out as soon as I take her home today.

Gently, I ease her arms from around mine and get up to take a shower. Surprisingly, with the tight grip she had on me, she doesn't stir one bit and I pull the covers over her. I quietly get in and out of the shower and return to my room for clothes to wear. I glance at the clock to see that it's now approaching 1:oo, so I decide to wait to find clothes since she should wake up soon. I guess, I'll head downstairs and forge on with the dreaded duty of cleaning.

After an hour of cleaning, I head to my laptop and turn on my tv to catch up on the news while I check out what's happening on Twitter and Facebook and then play around on Pinterest. I love Pinterest and can get lost on there for hours if I don't pay attention.

I call mama to let her know that we overslept and that I would get Tiffany home as soon as she wakes up, but, of course she doesn't answer. Sometimes I think she does things just to be spiteful. Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, I look up to see Tiffany rubbing her eyes and trudging down the stairs like she's still half asleep. Shorts twisted and hair sticking up everywhere, I realize that my baby sister is growing into a beautiful young woman. I never realized that she's growing hips and has cute little butt all the while her chest is starting to look like a grown woman's. Dear Lord, don't let any of these little nasty boys start to see this because I will have to kill someone's child if they mess with my baby.

"About time you woke up." I say with a giggle as she plops down on the other end of the sofa.

"I'm usually the first one up...you must get up super early."

I laugh and say, "Actually I didn't' get up until noon....but you, on the other hand, slept until 4:oo."

"What?" she asks with a shocked expression. I point to the clock on the wall as she reads it. "Oh, I must have been really tired."

"I guess you were. You hungry?"

"A little. Want me to cook some breakfast?"

"Well it's really closer to dinner time than it is breakfast but how about you hop in the shower while I make us something to eat."

"Okay" she says as she gets up to go back upstairs. "I forgot that I don't have any clean clothes."

"I'll wash the ones you had on yesterday while you're in the shower and they should be ready by the time we finish eating."

"Okay" T says and goes back upstairs. I wait a few minutes after I hear the shower running to give her time to get in and I go up to get her clothes to wash them. I look around the room for her clothes but can't find them. As soon as I get ready to ask her where they are, I see them folded up neatly at the head of the bed where she slept. Most kids would have kicked them off and left them in the middle of the floor but of course, T is not your typical child. Heading, I remember that I didn't get her underwear and lightly knock on the door telling her I need to get them. After a few seconds she tells me it's okay to enter and again I see that she has folded everything in a neat little pile and placed them on top of the toilet lid. Maybe kids nowadays do have home training. I quickly gather the clothes and exit the bathroom, because I know how embarrassed she gets, and head downstairs to put the clothes in the washer.

I've made us a light snack so that we don't fill her up so close to dinner and hear Tiffany screaming my name. Racing up the stairs I rush into the bathroom, so terrified that I forget to knock, and ask her what's wrong. She's almost in tears and her bottom lip is trembling. "What is it T?"

"Where are my clothes that were on the toilet?" She shouts.

"I took them downstairs to wash them remember?"

"I need a towel! I don't have anything to put on! I need my clothes!"

"Your clothes are still in the washer and I will get your towel. It's okay. " Tiffany's whole body is visibly trembling and she's holding onto the shower curtain for dear life making sure that she is covered. Reaching for the towel on the counter, I slowly hand it to her but she refuses to move or reach to grab it.

"T...T...Tiffany? Here's your towel." She still won't reach to get it, seemingly frozen with fear, so I tell her I'm going to place it on the toilet so that she can get it for herself. As soon as I place it down she breaks out of her trance, quickly grabs the towel and snatches the shower curtain closed while she sobs.

"T? T? You okay?" She won't answer but I at least know she's still alive because I can still hear her sniffling and the movement of the towel as she wraps it around herself.

Shit! This child is making me nervous!!! What the hell is going on with her? I'm curious and want to go in and, but I dare not open the curtain, because I refuse to let her kick my ass today! Two meltdowns in just as many day...something is definitely wrong. "T...I'm going to go and finish your clothes, but I'm going to bring you something to wear until they're finished okay?"

"Okay." I go to my room and get a pair of leggings and a t-shirt and gently knock on the door telling her that they are on the bed. I'm a little relieved because she's stop crying but I'll be damned if I open the door and take the clothes in. I'm crazy but not that crazy. Racing downstairs, I stop her clothes which have made it to the spin cycle but for the sake of time I ring them out by hand and throw them in the dryer on the highest heat setting so that they can dry as quickly as possible.

Fifteen minutes have passed and Tiffany still hasn't come down and I'm beginning to get worried. As I enter my room, I see that she's gotten the clothes off the bed but has gone back into the bathroom. The door is slightly cracked open, so I ease up to the it and gently knock. Slowly pushing it open, I see Tiffany sitting on the bathroom counter with her knees pulled up to her chest staring into space. Slowly I walk to her and touch her shoulder softly, making sure not to startle her and I feel that she's still trembling. Her body instantly stiffens and I jerk my hand away as if I've just touched a hot stove. Not knowing what to do, I ease onto the counter beside her and that's where we sit, silently crying, for the next twenty minutes.

She refuses to talk to me or eat, so we get her clothes together and head to Ma's house. Mama lives in a fairly quiet neighborhood of mostly older people who've owned their homes for years. Only a few of the homes in the neighborhood belong to young families, who are just starting out and are only able to afford low monthly payments. Most of the time, Mama is able to keep all the bills paid and keep the landlord from threatening eviction, but like everyone else nowadays, she struggles sometimes. If nothing else, Mama makes sure they have a bed to sleep in and food in the house, which is why I don't mind helping out when she needs it.

Tiffany's gazing out the window like she'd rather be anywhere but here and I can't say that I blame her; I wish the same thing. I have no idea what went wrong last night _or today_ but it was a little too much for me to handle and I can't wait to get her home. Usually when she stays over, we have a good time joking around, painting our nails, watching movies, or just hanging out. But somewhere we took a wrong turn and led us straight into hell today! Lord this child is going to be the death of me. I am _so_ glad that I don't have any children!

We get to Mama's house and as soon as we stop, Tiffany jumps out the car and sprints to the door. Quickly, I follow behind her catching up to her as she is slips through the door. "T?" Ignoring me, she heads down the hall to her bedroom and closes her door, leaving me in silence.

The house is quiet, which is very rare for a Saturday. "Mama? Ma, where are your?" I go into the kitchen to see if she's in there, but its empty. I head to Mama's room at the end of the hall past Tiffany and Gabi's rooms, but check Gabi's room first. Her room is set up in a pretty pink princess theme with matching covers, princess pictures on the wall, and curtains to match the bed set...the room looks as if she never spends any time in there. Even the toys are always in their place at the bottom of her bed and across from her bed against the far wall, they are never once out of place. T's room is the complete opposite. She has no theme and the covers on her bed don't match because, they're all from different sets. Other than the bed and the dresser, the room is bare. I've always wondered why Mama has never set up her room like Gabi's, but I guess money and time are always a problem for a single parent.

***

I notice that Mama's door is open and try to think back to see if I saw her car in the driveway. I'm pretty sure it was outside, because I saw it half on the driveway and half on the grass. Entering the room, I see both Mama and her friend Keisha sprawled out on the bed. Mama's laying on her stomach, spread eagle with her head hanging off the top of the bed and Keisha has her head at the foot of the bed spread eagle also. I'm sure that if Mama turns her head towards Keisha, Keisha's toe is bound to end up in her mouth. And both of them are still fully clothed. Probably sleeping off the one or two bottles of whatever liquor and countless beers they had the previous day. No point in trying to wake them because they'll probably be passed for the rest of the day. Or until their bodies try to expel the absurd amount of alcohol they have consumed.

I slip back down the hall stopping at Tiffany's door and listen but hear no sound, at all. I guess she's tired after all the excitement and has laid down. Going to the kitchen to get a soda, I plan to hang out for a while, hoping that Mama wakes up soon. I would like to talk to her to see if she's noticed any of the changes with Tiffany recently. I could try to talk to T again to waste time, but I need to work up the strength for that.

Of course there's nothing in the refrigerator except a carton of eggs a week over the expiration date and a pack of Gabi's juice boxes that literally only have about 3 sips of juice in them...just enough to piss you off. But I guess it's just the right amount for Gabi's little tummy. Wait...where the hell is Gabi? Gabi is one of those kids that if someone's in the house, she makes _sure_ that she talks to whoever will listen _as_ she bounces around. No house is ever quiet when Gabi is there. But where could she be? Maybe she is in Tiffany's room still asleep. That would be a miracle in itself, because Gabi is usually up at the latest by 7:00. I hate to admit this but that's why I don't keep her much on weekends. I know I shouldn't let Tiffany stay with me and not get Gabi just as much, but T's old enough to watch herself and she'll still let me sleep late; whereas, Gabi likes to have breakfast as soon as she wakes up. And a weekend isn't a weekend if I have to get up that early.

I'm going to do better and get Gabi more often...it's not that difficult to suck up my own selfishness and spend more time with her. Except for Mama...she guards Gabi like she's gold and rarely lets her out of her sights. I softly tap on Tiffany's door, but get no response so I open it to see if Gabi is inside. Tiffany is staring at the door and looks at me with terror in her eyes and I see a wave of relief wash over her as soon as her eyes meet mine. "Oh, it's just you." She says. What the hell was that???

"Is Gabi in here with you?" Tiffany quickly shakes her head no and looks down at the floor. "She's not in there with mama...who keeps her when Mama's not here?" Tiffany points to herself. "I mean like spend the night." And T whispers "Oh...nobody."

I quickly run to mama's room and yell her name, startling both of them, and Mama rolls off the bed as Keisha sits straight up with her wig hanging off the back of her head. Both of them look like they have been dunked in water, with their makeup smeared all over their faces. Mama sits up on the floor attempting to pull up on the bed. She's not able to get a good grip on the polyester comforter and plop back onto the floor after each attempt. It would have been comically had I not been terrified they've lost Gabi in their drunken stupor.

"Mama, where's Gabi?" Mama looks around the room like she and Gabi are playing hide and seek and she has forgotten to "seek her." Mama looks under the covers and bends down to look under the bed; then picks up the newspaper off the floor and looks under it as if she if Gabi is truly capable of being in any of these places. Hysteria is starting to fill my body and panic begins to set in. I need to get Mama to help me, before I completely lose it, but she starts to fall back asleep, swaying from side to side, while she's still sitting on the floor. "Mama!!! Where the hell is Gabi???"

"Lisa who the hell are you cussing at?"

"Mama, I'm just looking for Gabi! Where is she?"

"She not in her room?"

"No,"

"She probably in there with Tiffany asleep."

"Mama its 7:00 in the evening...Gabi wouldn't still be sleeping this late. Where is she?"

She looks around the room as if she's seeing it for the first time and with a final attempt at getting off of the floor, she succeeds. Once up, she flops down on the bed so hard that she tumbles over and land face first onto Keisha's thigh. By now, Keisha has also fallen back asleep, and shoots up with the impact of mama collapsing on her leg, but falls back onto the bed and is continues to snore loudly. I feel like I'm in a bad comic movie looking at these two fools!

"Dammit Mama get up and listen to me!!! Where the fuck is Gabi?" Both Mama and Keisha jump up again and stare at me like they never knew I was in the room. Keisha finally realized I'm behind her and turns around saying "Hey Lisa...I haven't seen you in so long. Where have you been?"

Rolling my eyes and looking back at Mama Keisha say "well excuse me then" and gets up going to the bathroom attached to Mama's bedroom. Mama's looking at me studying my face with a scowl and says "where the hell is Tiffany at anyway?"

"She's in her room."

"Why didn't you bring her home last night like you were supposed to? You don't keep somebody's child all night without their permission."

"I tried to call you to see what time you were going to be home but you didn't answer your phone."

"I don't give a damn if I didn't answer, you should have brought her home like you were supposed to."

"I'm not going to bring her home, _at night,_ if I don't know that you're here with her. What if I dropped her off and something bad happened and you weren't here?"

"I was here last night!"

"Yeah, I guess you were but she doesn't need to see you when you're drunk like that."

"How you know I was drunk? I was tipsy but not drunk, thank you."

"Mama, you weren't even able to take your clothes off last night and you parked in the yard instead of in the driveway!" Okay so I exaggerated that one a little bit but hell she'll never remember it.

"I didn't want to take my clothes off because it was cool in the house last night. And it was so dark when I got here, I couldn't see."

Whatever...your ass was drunk! "Okay. So, where's Gabi?" I ask her again. She's purposely steering the conversation away from the topic...probably just to piss me off. But then again, she may not know where Gabi is because she was so drunk. If she doesn't tell me soon where Gabi is, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!

Keisha walks back into the bedroom with her too short, too tight dress for a woman who is almost 40. The dress is only pulled over one of her butt cheeks and showing half of her "glory" to the world. _And_ she has the nerve to have on a red thong! An ass with that many bumps and crevices should be fully covered at all times. Looks like two big meteors trying to sneak up her dress....gross! Keisha turns around to sit back on the bed and Mama graciously _attempts_ to pull the dress down her butt. "Pull your damn dress over your ass!" Mama says. Keisha struggles for at least a good minute before she's able to get the dress over the two basketballs she's attempting to hide under her dress.

With so much effort, Keisha's worked up a small sweat and is breathing like she's run a 5k marathon. "Oh yeah....Les you remember, you left her at the party."

"What?!?!?? You left your 4 year old at a party all night?"

"No! She was tired so I left her to spend the night with her Aunt Sidney so that she can get to know them."

"That is not her aunt Sidney...that is Tiffany's aunt. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Child hush, she's alright. She can stay over there....nothing's going to happen to that girl."

Now I am beyond pissed! "Did you even call and check on her since she's been there all day?"

"You see I just woke up...what do you expect me to do...call in my sleep?"

"Give me Sidney's number I will go and get her!"

"Umm...find my purse so I can get my phone. " Keisha and Mama look around her room and I search the kitchen and living room for Mama's purse but come up with no such purse.

"Mama...where was the last place you had the purse?"

"Dammit Lisa! If I knew that then the damn thing wouldn't be lost!"

No, the damn thing wouldn't be lost if you didn't get drunk and forget what you did with it. And I'm sure the faint smell of weed that still lingers in the room is a contributing factor to Mama not remembering anything from the night before. I go outside to look in Mama's car to see if she left it there and once I get to the driver's side of the car, I see that she's dropped it, probably as she stumbled out of the car last night. Good thing Mama lives in a fairly good neighborhood because if not, she would have never found her purse. I search through her purse and find that her phone is almost dead but chimes with notification of 10 new text messages and 15 missed calls. More than likely all from Sidney. Looking at the texts and missed call log...I'm right and all of them are from her. I run back into the house and throw the purse and phone at Mama disturbing her and Keisha's conversation of the night before and their giggles of how much fun they had. Oh, so you remember how you and your nasty friend drank all night and got high but you can't remember where you left your child. I swear, some people should have to take an IQ test before they have children.

Mama rolls her eyes and tells me not to be so dramatic as she looks at her phone and listens to the voicemails. Irritated, she rolls her eyes at the messages, not realizing I heard that Sidney is pleading with mama to pick up _her_ child because she's been crying all night and today. Erasing the message she says, Sidney said she did fine but she's ready to come home now. Such a liar. "Mama, why didn't you call me and tell me to come and get Gabi instead of leaving her somewhere she's not used to?"

"I did tell you to come back and get Gabi! And if you would have listened AND brought my other child home like I told you to last night, Gabi WOULD be here right not." Rolling my eyes at her, I groan with irritation as she attempts to put the blame of her irresponsibility on me. I hate stupid bitches!!!

I head to Tiffany's room and tell her I'm going to get Gabi; but, before I can finish asking her if she wants to go with me, she shoots up, puts her shoes on, and damn near knocks me on the floor running past me to get out the house. I'm going to need a drink to settle my nerves when I get home.

MARIE

Last night the welcome party that my aunt Sidney threw for me was really nice. I always told myself that I would never come back to this small town that I left behind many years ago. Needless to say, I'm still not sold on it yet. Maybe once I settle in and get my bearings it'll feel more like home. First thing I have to do is start looking for a place to live. Staying with my mother is okay, but is definitely a short term endeavor. I love my mother very much, but living with her is out of the question. My mother is very sweet and loves to cater to anyone who stays with her, but at times she's a little overbearing and controlling. She's already driven me crazy today with all her questions and directions on how to do things and its only 10:00AM. Needing to get out of the house and spend a little time away from my mother, I decide to go to Aunt Sidney's house to see if she needs any help with cleaning up from yesterday.

After showering and getting dressed, I head over to Aunt Sidney's and arrive a little after noon. As I wait for Aunt Sidney to open the door, I hear the terrible screams of a child crying. This is a little unusual because Aunt Sidney's children are all grown and she rarely has children at her home. After a few more minutes of knocking and ringing the bell Aunt Sidney shows up at the door with Gabi in her arms kicking and screaming with a face full of tears. Aunt Sidney throws Gabi in my arms and grabs her head mumbling something about killing Leslie for leaving the child with her.

"What's going on Aunt Sidney?"

"Child, Leslie left Gabriella here last night because she claims she was too D-R-U-N-K to drive home with the child and her and that friend of hers flew out of her. And that baby has been crying ever since."

I rub Gabi's back attempting to soothe her and she's now quietly sobbing into my neck, probably exhausted from her all night crying performance. As we walk to the living room, I realize that Gabi has finally fallen asleep and ask my aunt where I can lay her down. Aunt Sidney says "Child you're not going to lay her down anywhere. She has not slept since her mama left her and if you wake her up you're taking her with you."

I laugh at Aunt Sidney's humor but with her serious expression on her face, I dare not lay Gabi down. Afraid of what Aunt Sidney will do, I gently sit down with Gabi in my lap. "Poor baby...I bet she thinks her mama is never coming to get her."

"Hell I think the same thing! If she knows what's good for her, she will though. What did you stop by for anyway honey?"

"I know I should have called first but my mother was driving me crazy and I rushed out of the house so fast that I forgot to call."

"Please child! I'm glad you came because at least you finally got her to sleep."

"Did you try calling Leslie?"

"Yeah. I have called her and sent her text messages since she left last night. We even went over to her house at 4:00 this morning because I thought that at least she would let me in. When I got there, her car was there but no one came to the door. "

"Did you try calling Lisa or Tiffany on their cellphones?"

"I don't have Lisa's cellphone number because honestly I don't see them very much. I talk to Leslie on the phone pretty regularly but not the girls. I'm not even sure if Tiffany has a cellphone. At least I've never seen her with one."

"A teenage girl...I'm sure she has one. Make sure you get both of their numbers next time you see them, just in case. "

"Trust me, next time I talk to Leslie, which will be soon! I'm getting _every_ family member's contact information including, phone numbers, addresses, dates of births _and_ social security numbers!"

"Aunt Sidney you are a trip. Anyway, I came over to see if you needed any help with cleaning up but I'm not sure how much help I can be since it seems I am being held hostage."

Aunt Sidney laughs and says "You know that's right. But no I don't need any help. I've had plenty of time to clean up since I haven't slept yet. Plus your uncle helped me too. So everything is already clean."

"Well if you want to go and lie down for a little bit, I think I'll be okay with Gabi."

"Thank you sweetie! I just need a couple of winks of sleep so that I can be rested up to kill Leslie when she gets here."

Chuckling I say to Aunt Sidney, "I'll come and get you if I need help." I turn on the tv in the living room as I cradle Gabi in my arms. Aunt Sidney goes upstairs and within minutes I hear the soft sounds of Gabi snoring against my chest. Rubbing her head I think to myself, bless this child's heart; left behind with people she barely knows...deserted...left feeling abandoned. Sitting, watching an old episode of the Maury show about some woman testing 4 men to find out which one is the father of her child; I unknowingly fall asleep.

I wake up and a few hours have passed and the house is totally quietly. Unbeknownst to me, I have stretched out on the couch with Gabi lying on my chest. When I look up, I see Lisa standing over me looking down with fear in her face. A little startled, I sit up saying, "Oh Lisa, I didn't know you were here."

"I came by to get Gabi but when no one answered the door, I just came on it."

As I begin to sit up Gabi stirs and her bottom lips begins to tremble as she looks into my face realizing I am not the person she wanted to see. Lisa reaches down and scoops her up with the speed of lightning and immediately Gabi cheers up saying. "Elle, I missed you!!! I want mama!"

Gabi's voice is trembling but the tears have not resurfaced as she is comforted knowing she's safely in the arms of her sister.

"Shhh baby...we're going to see Mama in a little bit." Lisa soothes her brushing soft brown curls from her face and seemingly Lisa becomes a little more relaxed as well.

Aunt Sidney descends the stairs and groggily says "Lisa, baby I am so glad you are here! I have been trying to get your mama all night because that baby cried all night looking for her mama."

"Sorry about that Mrs. Sidney, I don't know why Mama didn't call me to come and get her." Lisa explains.

"I guess I would have been better off calling you in the first place, but I don't have your phone number." Aunt Sidney says.

"Oh I'm sorry Mrs. Sidney, I'll give it to you and you can call me anytime." Lisa says as she put Gabi on the floor to stand on her own two feet.

"Child please stop calling me Mrs. Sidney, you are my niece. Call me, Aunt Sidney or Sidney, anything but Mrs...it makes me feel old. Let me grab my phone to let you put it in there. I want you to put it in there, that way I won't mess anything up and I'll have the right number for sure." Aunt Sidney says as she walks back upstairs.

Gabi is desperately trying to climb up Lisa's leg and crawl back into her arms, so I offer her a seat to sit down while she is holding Gabi. "Have a seat, your arms are going to get tired quick from holding her."

"Thanks" Lisa says and sits down in the single overstuffed chair to the left of the couch I'm seated on. As soon as she sits down, Gabi climbs in her lap and cuddles up to her. We sit in silence as Aunt Sidney returns giving Lisa her phone to program her number in.

Gabi's still clinging to Lisa for dear life which is making it kind of difficult for her to enter the number in the phone. "Gabi, do you want something to drink or eat? Are you hungry?" I ask her to make it a little easier for Lisa.

Gabi begins to tear up and shakes her head quickly burying herself into Lisa's chest. Poor baby...she's terrified! Hopefully this won't traumatize her and she no longer like Aunt Sidney or be uncomfortable in her home. Lisa hands Aunt Sidney her phone back and she tells her that she has put it under her name "Lisa (Tiffany's sister)."

Lisa stands up and thanks Aunt Sidney for taking care of Gabi last night and apologizes for her mother leaving her there, as well as for any distress that she may have caused Aunt Sidney.

Aunt Sidney's eyes soften with the love of a mother and says, "It's okay baby. It's not your fault. I'm just glad she was somewhere safe and nothing happened to her. Tell your mother when I see her I'm going to beat like she stole something." And we all chuckle at Aunt Sidney's good nature.

Aunt Sidney asks Lisa, "Do you have Tiffany's cellphone number so that I can get in touch with her too?"

"T doesn't have a cellphone but I'm going to get her one soon in case of an emergency and once I do, I will definitely tell her to give you the number." I'll get her a cellphone today for sure...it seems that Mama may not always be in the best of shape and T needs to be able to call someone if she needs to.

Lisa gratefully thanks Aunt Sidney again and before she leaves Aunt Sidney goes over to Gabi and kisses her check telling her she wants her to come back and visit her Aunt Sidney soon. Gabi nods her head in confirmation never lifting it from Lisa's chest, or removing her arms that are now in a death grip around Lisa's neck. Aunt Sidney embraces Lisa with Gabi in between them and says that she can call her anytime she needs to if she or the girls need anything. She kisses Lisa on her forehead and leads them to the front door. Aunt Sidney waves at someone outside the door and returns once she's seen them off.

"Those poor girls....Leslie needs to get her act together!"

"Is it really that bad Aunt Sidney?"

"I don't really know because like I said, I don't see them that much but I'm going to make sure that I do see them more. Leslie was pretty drunk when she left. Hopefully it was a one-time thing and not what those girls have to go through every day." Aunt Sidney solemnly looks at me and says, "I wish your daddy would get his act together and spend more time with Tiffany. I think it would help her."

I ignore her comment because we've all been waiting on the same thing for years and the chances of it happening are very slim. "Is Tiffany always so quiet?"

"Yeah she's a quiet little thing but she's a good girl. Not like most of these girls nowadays running around and getting into all kinds of trouble. She never gets into trouble and she always uses her manners. Both of them deserve so much more..." Aunt Sidney says as she looks off in deep thought.

I really hope that not only Tiffany, but Gabi as well, are okay. I know Gabi's no related to me but I cannot stand the thought of any child having to go through such a thing. But then again, like Aunt Sidney said, maybe this was a one-time thing. I seriously doubt it, but I'm going to make an effort to spend as much time as I can with both girls.

LESLIE

I swear these children get on my nerves! Who the hell does Lisa think she is to come into my house questioning me about my kids? When she decides that she wants to take care of them, is when she can say how they're taken care of, but until then she needs to leave me the hell alone. I sit fuming on my bed as Keisha looks at me asking if I'm okay. I really wished she would just shut up and leave me the hell alone, but that's my girl and I would never put her out my house. She has been staying with me for a few months now since she was kicked out of her place due to having trouble paying the rent on time. It's hard to keep up with all the bills when you make so little money. Keisha works at a dentist office cleaning up after the office closes, so she does not make very much money. To make matters worse, her trifling ex-husband tricked her into giving him custody of her children and makes her pay child support. Now I'm not sure how he tricked her into it, but he ought to be ashamed for taking away what little money she does earn. Since the house is only a 3 bedroom, this is definitely a temporary thing. Since Gabi sleeps with Tiffany most of the time anyway, Keisha is staying in her room until she can get on her feet. Truthfully, I hope it's soon because although Keisha is struggling right now, she doesn't even offer to help pay any of the bills. It would help out some since it's more expensive with another person in the house, but I let it slide because she always keeps us stocked with liquor and weed.

"You know what Keish, how bout we go get something to eat? Since Lisa wants to be grown and tell me how to raise my kids, let her take care of them for the day."

"Les you know you wrong! Gabi was pretty upset when we left last night, I'm sure she wants to see you as soon as she get home. You know you got that child spoiled!"

"Honey please, Sidney said she has been playing up a storm since we left and hasn't had another thought about me since."

"Really Les? She seemed so upset yesterday...she must have really had a good time not to miss you. You know ya'll are joined at the hip."

"Keisha, Gabi is getting to be a big girl now. She can go places without me and be fine. She likes to be up under me but when she's away from me she is fine."

Keisha is really quiet now and looking at me like she knows that I am lying. I stare at her and dare her with my eyes to say something so that I can knock her ass off this bed. Everybody always got something to say about my kids but nobody ever offers to take care of them. Hell, I am good to my kids! I make sure they always have what they need. They never want or anything!

"So are we going or not Keisha?"

"Yeah we can go...where you want to go?"

"I don't care you pick, I just need to get some food in my stomach."

"How about Red Lobster?"

"Damn girl, if you got money like that then you need to be putting some groceries in my refrigerator."

"Oh...well you asked if I wanted to go so I thought you were paying." Keisha says with a puppy dog look on her face looking up at me pitifully. "Girl you know my money been acting funny. You know I can't afford a place like that." And with that, Keisha tries to give me an embarrassed look to make me feel guilty. This heifer crazy if she think I don't know she lying. Keisha has more men giving her money than crackheads have itches.

"Go wash your tail and come on girl. I want to be out of here by the time Lisa gets back."

After bathing and getting cute, Keisha and I go to eat at Red Lobster and then we do a little shopping. Once we finish shopping, we stop back at my house to drop off our bags and then out to a bar where we stay until closing time. I decided to let Lisa keep the girls for the day and ignore all her texts and phone calls. Let her see how it feels to take care of both of them without anyone offering to help and she'll see how hard it is.

TIFFANY

After picking up Gabi, we head back home and the whole time I didn't say a word. I can tell that Lisa is trying to get me to talk because she's been asking questions ever since we left. I think I'll just let Gabi talk to her. I'm not mad at her or anything and I hope she doesn't get mad at me for ignoring her but I just can't tell her right now.

We waited at the house for a long time for Mama to come back but she never did. I really wanted to tell Lisa that she can just leave because Gabi and I stay at home without Mama all the time. I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't because Mama would get mad _and_ because I really didn't want her to leave. Finally Lisa says, "Well I guess it's just us today."

Gabi says she's hungry and of course there was no food in the house. Mama usually does her grocery shopping on Sundays but since Keisha's been staying with us, the food gets gone a lot faster. Most of the time by the weekend, Mama has to go and buy us fast food. I like the days we eat fast food. It gives me a break from having to cook for everybody every day. I especially hate cooking for Keisha. I'll be glad when she finally leaves...I don't see why she has to stay with us anyway if she has her own house to live in.

Lisa takes us to McDonalds to get something to eat and once we get to her house we put our clothes that we got from home upstairs. We sit in the living room and begin eating our food when Lisa asks me, "So T, are you going to tell me what's going on with you?"

I keep my head down and pretend that I don't hear her. I always thought it would be nice to be noticed and for someone to pay attention to me but now I just wish everyone would leave me alone.

"You know sometimes it makes you feel better if you talk about it." She says to me.

I shake my head no hoping she'll understand that I don't want to talk about it.

"You didn't know that?"

Guess she didn't hear me...I shake my head yes wishing she would get the message.

"But you don't want to talk about it?"

Bingo! Maybe now she'll leave me alone.

"But what is it that's so bad that you don't want to talk about it?"

Dammit Lisa, leave me alone! I think and get up to go into the kitchen to get more soda. I pour more soda, drink a little, then refill my cup, just to waste a little more time hoping she'll just forget about it. I finally go back to my favorite spot on the sofa and continue to eat my fries.

"So, you're not going to tell me?" Lisa asks

I give Lisa a looks that screams no and continue eating my food begging God that she will stop asking me questions.

"But T, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't protect you or help you, or whatever it is that you need!"

Lisa is staring at me with a thoughtful look of concern and I get up and go into the kitchen to finish my meal. No Lisa, you can't protect or help me....no one can. Sometimes I wish I were never born.

LISA

It's been two months since Tiffany started having her crying spells and I still can't get her to open up to tell me what's wrong. School has started back and I've gotten my first job out of college as a remedial math teacher at Tiffany's school. Of course I don't teach any of her classes because she's in all advanced classes. I hoped that being a teacher at her school and spending even more time with her, taking her to and from school, would get her to open up more, but nothing seems to help. I don't want to push her and make her retreat even more than she already has, but at least she's talking to me again.

I head to the office area to take my lunch with my new friend Asia who is the school counselor. I get to her office and she's talking with a student and motions for me to wait a minute. While standing outside her door, I pull out my cellphone to check to see if I have any message waiting, but just as I open my email, the student walks out greeting me on his way out. I peek in and Asia greets me saying that she is starving and we decide to head to a restaurant close by so that we can relax a little away from school. Asia offers to drive and we hop in her car and making it to the restaurant in record time, with her driving "skills" that scare me senseless. Asia chuckles at me as we get out and says "I don't know why you agree to ride with me since you always complain about my driving."

"I can't help that you were taught how to drive by a blind man."

We sit at a booth in the back of the room and order our food with our drink order since we both know what we want to eat. Asia looks at me with a scared smile and warns me not to get upset at her.

"What is it Asia?"

"Mrs. Leechum came to my office this morning during announcements and wanted to talk to me about your sister."

"Okay, why would I get mad about that?"

The waiter returns with our drinks and says that our food will be out shortly as he puts the bread basket in the middle of the table. I pull a bread stick out and begin to nibble on it nervous as to what Asia is about to say.

"She's going to come and talk to you after 6th period because she's worried about Tiffany's grades and her behavior."

I sigh in relief...that's not a big deal, because T's a straight A student and she never gets in trouble. But Asia still has that nervous look on her face.

"You know she was Tiffany's teacher last year also and she says she sees a difference this year."

"Okay, so what is she going to talk to me about?"

"I'll let her tell you because I don't want you to get mad or worry all day."

"Well why in the hell did you bring it up if you weren't going to tell me the whole story?"

"See! You're already getting mad and I don't want to ruin your day."

"I'm not mad Asia, I just don't see why you would bring it up if you weren't going to tell me the whole story."

"Because I didn't want you to be blindsided when she came to see you and I wanted to give you a heads up."

"Is it that bad?"

"Well it's bad, but it's the beginning of the year and she still has time to do better."

"What do you mean 'do better'? Come on Asia just tell me...I promise I won't get mad at you." Asia looks at me with compassion in her eyes and sighs deeply....oh shit, it is that bad.

"Well...she's worried because Tiffany refuses to answer questions in class, do her homework, or turn in any of her work outside of class, and...."

"And what?" I ask and I hear the tremble in my voice.

"I checked her grades and she's failing all of her classes."

"Fuck!" is the only thing I can say.

"But like I said, it's still early in the year, only a month in and she can still get her grades up." Asia tries to console me.

"Asia, I don't know what's going on with T. She's always been shy so I can see her not talking in class, but refusing to do work and failing is not T. And I know she can _do_ the work because she's always been a good student."

"I know, it shocked me too when I looked at her grades. Her test grades are good which is the only reason she has the grades she has, but for the work she hasn't turned in, she has all zeroes. Like I said she can pull her grades up but she has to try because right now she has 20's and 30's in all of her classes."

"I mean, I know she's been a lot more quiet than usual and has become withdrawn but I can't get her to tell me what's going on with her."

"So you've tried talking to her?"

"Yes...I noticed something was wrong over the summer because she started having these crying fits and she would refuse to talk, even to me, and I'm the closest person to her."

"And she won't tell you anything?"

"No. When I try to get her to talk about it she shuts down."

"Has there been any major changes at home for her?"

"No, everything has been the same. At first I thought it was just her hormones because T never cries, but then I noticed that she started to be a lot more nervous and says things that just aren't like her. And when I _can_ get her to talk to me, even if it's about nothing at all, out of nowhere she just loses it and bursts into tears."

"I'm so sorry Lisa. Do you think it'll help if maybe we talk to her together?"

"No, I doubt she will talk to you since she doesn't know you."

"Hey now, I have a lot of experience with getting people to talk and maybe it'll help her if she talks to someone that she knows won't judge."

"I would never judge T Asia!"

"Lisa I know that and you know that, but sometimes at that age, it just helps to have someone else to listen to your problems...someone "away" from you or the problem."

"So you think it's me? You think I've done something to her?" I ask Asia with hurt in my voice.

Asia grabs my hand in comfort as I fight back tears and says "No honey, I think you may be too close and whatever it is, she may not feel comfortable telling you about it because she doesn't want to hurt you or she doesn't want you to look at her differently because of it."

"But what could it be?" I ask Asia desperately hoping she has the answer.

"I don't know but it has to be something."

"And you don't know what it is?" I suspiciously ask Asia in a desperate attempt to figure my baby sister out.

"No! I've never even talked to Tiffany other than seeing her in the hallway in passing." Asia almost shouts as if I have offended her.

"I'm not trying to offend you or say that you know something. I guess I was just hoping that you knew more than you were telling me and could help."

"Oh ok. Well maybe I can help..."

"How?" I ask.

"Well maybe today I can call her into my office and see if she'll talk to me just one-on-one."

"Oh, you can do that?" I ask, not knowing the policy in regards to the counselor questioning a student.

"Well yes. I can pull any student into my office if I have suspicion that something is going on or if they are struggling with grades to guide them."

"Oh." Is all I can say as I run through my head at what suspicion she may have.

"Well what do you think it is?"

"It could be a number of things. Teenagers are tough, resilient creatures but at the end of the day, at times they still need someone to help them sort out things. I've seen many students in the same situation as Tiffany due to bullying, pregnancy, drug use, things going on at home, lack of confidence, feeling like they don't fit in...really it could be anything."

"I know for sure it's not drugs and there's nothing different at home for her, and I'm absolutely positive T's not pregnant....maybe she's being bullied."

"Lisa, I know you know your sister and you two are pretty close, but trust me...you cannot be positive she's not sexually active or even experimenting with drugs...teenagers are very good at hiding things."

"Yeah, but T's a good kid. She would never do drugs and I'm pretty sure if she were having sex she would tell me or I would at least be able to tell."

Asia chuckles and says "What do you think she's going to do, plaster it across her head 'I'm a drug user and having sex.' No one can know what a person is doing all the time...no matter how close they are."

"So you think she's addicted to drugs or pregnant?"

"No, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is...you can't be blinded by your love for her and think she's perfect because even the good kids make mistakes sometimes."

"Yeah, I get what you're saying."

"So, what do you think about me talking to her?"

"I don't think it would hurt to try it. I honestly don't think she'll talk to you because she's so shy and uncomfortable around new people. But don't you have to have a parent's permission to talk to her first?"

"Nope...in this state, the law says that I can talk to a child, _not badger_ , as a guidance counselor to explore any areas in the child's life to determine if there is any cause for concern."

"Mother Mary, Jesus, and Yahweh...help me."

"It'll be okay...we just have to figure out what's going on."

ASIA

"Mrs. Branton, could you please send Tiffany Grace to the counselor's office?" I ask the classroom teacher through the interoffice telephone system that the school has set up.

"Yes ma'am. I'll send her right on up."

"Thank you Mrs. Branton, I won't keep her too long." I tell her and place the phone back into the cradle as I wait for Tiffany to make it to my office. I've been thinking for at least an hour about how I'm going to get this wonderful, lost student to open up to me without scaring her. I keep in mind that Lisa expressed how shy and uncomfortable she gets around strangers but I would like to think that I have a calming effect on people. But then again, it's hard to calm a mouse when innately it's fearful of everything. In reality being fearful and shy are two different things. You just have to pay close attention to be able to distinguish the two.

Lost in thought, I didn't realize that Tiffany had made it to my office and is now standing in my door. I wouldn't have even noticed her silent presence if Mr. Mackey the principal had not informed me that I had a visitor. After thanking Mr. Mackey and smiling warmly at Tiffany, I ask her to enter and offer her a seat. Going around my desk, I close the door after writing a short message on the board on my door "with student" and push it up to give us more privacy. Typically I don't like to shut the door when I'm alone with a student for various reasons, but I think it'll make Tiffany more apt to talk if it's just us.

Rather than return to my desk and sitting in my chair, I take the seat next to Tiffany and pull it back slightly, to expand the distance between us, to present her with a more comfortable relaxed feeling. Some children are intimidated when I sit behind my desk and feel as if they are in trouble when called into the office. Although I have no power to discipline a student, talking to school staff in their office, away from peers, automatically makes them think that they are in trouble. Sometimes I do have to sit behind the desk and depict the authoritarian, tone but right now compassion and acceptance it what I want to present.

"So Miss Tiffany...how's your day going so far?"

"It's okay." She says without making eye contact.

"You learn anything yet?"

Still looking down at the floor, Tiffany simply shrugs her shoulders.

"Well I called you to my office because I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. Okay?" Tiffany nods her head yes.

"Have you ever talked to a counselor before at school in the previous years?"

Tiffany looks at me with a confused look and shakes her head no.

"Well, let me start off by saying that anything you say in here is between us and as long as no one is being hurt or will be hurt, I won't tell anyone. Okay?"

"Okay" she whispers. Yes! Still in introductions and she seems to be open to talking.

"Now since we've gotten that out of the way, I want you to know that you can tell me anything at all and trust me, I've heard it all and nothing you say will shock me or make me look at you any differently."

Alright she's lifting her head up! I'm getting to her and now she'll tell me all her life's problems! Tiffany finally makes eye contact with me but she has a confused look on her face. Damn, I lost her! She has no idea what I'm talking about and the confusion is written all over her face. Asia, get to the point before you completely lose the child!

"Okay, so I wanted to talk to you because I've noticed that since last year you're grades have really come down. Last year you made all A's, so I know you're smart but now it seems like you don't turn in a lot of your work and its hurting your grades.

Nothing at all from her...

"Do you forget to turn it in?" She shrugs her shoulders.

"Do you not understand the work?" Should shrug again! Okay that could have been a trick question.

"Do you need any help with your work? Is it too hard for you? She shakes her head no.

"Okay, so you do understand the work?" And then she shakes her head yes.

"Tiffany? Tiffany? I need you to look at me sweetie."

"Please don't be afraid I won't hurt you and you are not in trouble but I do want to figure out what's going on with your grades so that we can get you back on track."

I stare into her eyes and tell her "I need you to talk to me because I can't understand just head nods and shrugs okay?"

She shakes her head yes...I chuckle a little and she catches herself and says "yes ma'am."

"Good, so you can talk." I smile at her and she gives me the slightest smile back. Now we're making progress.

"So....what can I do for you to help you get your grades back up."

Tiffany looks back down and plays with her hands saying "nothing." She's _really_ going to make me work for my money today.

"Do you think you can get them up by yourself?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Do you want to get them up?" Tiffany looks at me with a questioning look and again shrugs her shoulders. Interesting...she can but she doesn't want to.

Maybe taking another route will help. I stand up and go around to my desk grabbing a file and returning to my seat beside her. "So your file says you have a sister named Gabriella at the elementary school. Any other siblings?"

"Yeah, you know my sister Lisa who teaches here."

I laugh a little and say, "No I mean in school...as a student."

"Oh, I didn't know you meant just in school. Sorry." A bright shade of red begins to cover her face and I instantly feel bad that I've embarrassed her. "No, just me and Gabi's in pre-k."

"So your sister Gabriella, her nickname is Gabi? Do you have a nickname?"

"Not really...my sisters call me T sometimes."

"Well that's a nickname too."

"Oh" she says and her bright red face that was returning to its natural brown color explodes into a deeper shade of red. Shit...everything I say embarrasses her! Just stick to the questions and no more comments Asia.

"Well how's things been going at school so far?"

"Okay."

"Have you been having any problems with other students or with the teachers?"

"No." She looks up and I can see that she's getting tired of all the questions.

"How are things going at home?" Tiffany's body immediately stiffens up and tears come to her eyes. Okay so now we're getting somewhere. But as not to "scare her silent" I'll leave that one alone for now.

"Who all lives with you?"

"Just me, Gabi, and mama...no Mama, Gabi, and me."

"Good grammar skills...I knew you were a smart one."

"What class are you in right now?"

"Computer Technology."

"Missing anything special?"

"Not really...I was making a video game."

"Wow...I can't even play a video game on a computer and you can make one...that's pretty impressive."

"Thank you." She blushes and I sigh in relief that this blush is from the compliment and she's not embarrassed again.

"Do you think that some other time you might like to come back and talk to me...like if something were bothering you or if you're having a bad day and just want to get away for a minute?"

She shrugs her shoulders to say she doesn't know and then looks up at me and says "yes ma'am." I'm not sure if she's agreeing because she's trying to make sure she talks and not gestures or if she truly will but I'll take it...I'll take anything right about now.

"Good! So we've established that you're smart, you know how you can get your grades up, and that you are not having any problems at school, so I guess we're almost done."

"Okay." She whispers

"But I do want to ask you something else before you leave. Okay?" Again she whispers okay and I stall with the question waiting for her to lift her eyes to mine. Come on, come on, come on... I know you're curious about why I've stopped talking. Come on Tiffany...look up! Finally, she slowly looks up with curiosity in her eyes...gotcha!!!

"Are you having any problems at home?" Tiffany stares at me...so deep into my eyes it's like she's looking into my soul. In fact, her stare is so piercing that it begins to make me uncomfortable. Really, really uncomfortable, but I will _not_ break this eye contact and risk losing her again!

Instantly my heart breaks, as I see a tear big enough to fill a sea, slide from her left eye and roll down her cheek.

Quietly she gets up and walks to the door and without looking back she says, "I gotta go...bye Mrs. Lawrence."

Well, I guess I can consider this one a crash and burn!!!

LESLIE

I pick Gabi up from school and get home to find that the house is quiet...which is not how it should be. Where the hell is Keisha and Tiffany? I know Tiffany has gotten home from school by now, because Lisa drops her off around 3:30 and it's almost 4:oo. Getting Gabi situated in front of the tv, I go to the back of the house to see where Keisha and Tiffany are. As I turn the corner, I see that Tiffany's door is closed and I know it was left open this morning. I don't know what has gotten into that girl, but she acts like she has no sense at all. For some reason, she feels like she doesn't have to listen to anything I say and ignores me like I'm not even her mama. Well, I'm about damn tired of this _and_ her little attitude.

I glance in Gabi's room to see if Keisha is in there but see no sign of her whatsoever. Crossing the hall, I turn the knob to go into Tiffany's room and I get the shock of my life. She has the door locked. Tiffany knows that we do not lock doors in this house and if she feels the need to lock her door then she needs to be living in her own house. I refuse to knock on a door in my own house to ask a child, my child, to be allowed inside of a room I own. I start kicking and banging on the door, "Tiffany open this got damn door now!!!"

It seems like it is taking forever for Tiffany to open the door, although it has been about 30 seconds. I hear movement inside but she's still not opening the door. I yell again "open this door right now!" Finally, Tiffany opens the door with her hair scattered all over her head. Tears are on her face, her eyes are red and her voice is groggy...she's been crying. "What the hell are you doing in there?"

"Nothing Mama...I...I...I just fell asleep."

"What are you crying for and why do you have the door locked?"

"I didn't know it was locked. I guess it accidently locked when I closed it."

"How the hell the door going to lock by itself?" Tiffany shrugs her shoulders and goes to sit on her bed.

"Girl get your ass up and get in there and start cooking!!!" Tiffany looks at me like I just spoke in Chinese but she knows that when I get home that she's supposed to have dinner cooked already. "What the hell are you waiting on? Go! I'm hungry." I scream and she jumps up quickly putting on a sweatshirt and her pants. I don't know who she thinks she is to be laid up in the bed at this time of day like she run shit up in here.

I go back to the living room and pull Gabi up in my lap. "How was your day at school today little mama?"

"Good Mama...I colored and said my ABC's and we learned about elephants." My baby smiles and tells me every minute of her day at school. I check her backpack to see if she has any papers that need to be signed and sign her folder for her teacher tomorrow. My anger calmed a little with the sight of my princess, until I see Tiffany slowly making her way from the back of the house and goes into the kitchen. That child works my damn nerves!

Thirty minutes later Tiffany comes back to the living room and says, "I'm finished cooking Mama."

"Well fix the damn plates Tiffany...I know you ain't that damn dumb." I will break this attitude of her if it kills me...or her. Tiffany returns and places Gabi's plate on the table and my baby hops down and sits on the floor to eat her meal like a good girl. Tiffany then hands me my plate and goes back in the kitchen bringing back a glass of soda for me and a juice box for Gabi. She returns to the kitchen but 5 minutes later, she still hasn't come back in the living room.

"Tiffany!!!" I yell with enough bass in my voice that it makes Gabi jump.

"Yes ma'am."

"What are you doing in there?"

"Eating."

"Tiffany, get in here and stop yelling in my house like I haven't taught you any manners!" Yeah I know, I'm yelling too but I'm grown and I can do that.

"I was eating Mama."

"Did you forget something?"

"Ummm...." She looks around and stutters like a fool.

"Look at me when I am talking to you! Where is Keisha's food?"

"She's not here so I didn't make her a plate."

Keisha walks in the room and says "What about Keisha?"

Tiffany rolls her eyes at Keisha and I damn near lose my mind because I know I have taught her better than that. Through clenched teeth I threaten, "Go in there and make Keisha a plate now!!!"

"That's okay Les, I'll make my own."

"No Keisha. I told Tiffany to do it and she will go in there and make you a plate and like it. Now go Tiffany!"

Tiffany mumbles something under her breath as she goes back into the kitchen and I'm not sure but I think I heard something about a bitch. "Tiffany get back here now!" I demand.

Jumping up, I grab her face so that she is looking me in my eyes..."I don't know what has gotten into you lately but you _will_ drop the attitude and I mean right now!"

"Yes ma'am." And with tears rolling down her face, she turns and goes back into the kitchen.

"Les, you didn't have to do that! I would have made my own plate. Besides, you shouldn't treat her like that."

"Keisha, that it my child, not yours! When you get _your_ kids back, you can raise them however you want but until then, stay out of my business!" Keisha flops down onto the couch pouting like a two year. I know I shouldn't have said that about her kids, but she needs to stay in her place if she wants to continue to stay in my house.

Tiffany comes back and sits Keisha's plate on the table and turns to leave..."Umm no ma'am." I say. She stops suddenly and slowly turns around to look at me. Calmly I say "Tiffany."

"Yes ma'am" she whispers.

"Pick...up...the...fucking...plate....AND PUT IT IN HER HAND!!!!!!"

Crying loudly, Tiffany picks up the plate and puts it in Keisha's hand. "Now go in there and finish eating, wash the dishes, and then go to your room until I tell you that you can come out."

Thirty minutes has passed and Tiffany has gotten all of the dishes from the living room and washed them and heads to her bedroom. "Put on some clothes while you're back there because your sister is coming to get you."

"Can I go mama?" Gabi asks me in the sweetest voice.

"No baby. Lisa's not coming...Tiffany's sister Marie is coming to get her."

From behind me I hear Tiffany whine that she does not want to go.

"Why Tiffany?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know then it's no reason for you to not go."

"I just don't want to go with her."

"Look Tiffany....she has never done anything to you and you need to get to know your sister. Besides, I need a break."

"But Gabi will still be here" she whines.

"I don't care who is here...she is _your_ sister not Gabi's. Plus you are _not_ going to be laying up in my house all day doing nothing. Now go on."

I look back and confirm that Tiffany is crying again. "What the hell are you crying for now?"

"I just don't want to go."

"Well you are and the sooner you realize that I run things around here the better off you'll be."

MARIE

I've finally gotten settled into my new place and started a new job. For the past few months things have been pretty hectic but I can honestly say that it is starting to feel like home. I feel a little guilty that I keep saying that I am going to make sure that I spend more time with my little sister and I still haven't. It's not that I don't want to, but this is really the first time I've had any free time. So today on my lunch break I'm calling Leslie to see if I could set something up and spend a little time with her.

"Hey Leslie this is Marie." I say .

"Hey Marie. How are you?"

"I'm good. How about you?"

"Fine thank you."

"Well I called you because I wanted to talk to you about being able to spend time with Tiffany. I know she doesn't know me, but I really do want to get to know her and build a relationship with her."

"Well that's wonderful Marie! You just don't know how much that will mean to Tiffany."

"Oh, I am so glad you said that. The last time I saw her at the party a few months back, she acted like she was terrified of me." I state simply. Selfishly I didn't want to let her know that Tiffany seemed more miserable than terrified of me and Leslie not allow me to get to know her.

"Honey, she's always like that with new people. Once she warms up to you she'll be alright. She's just shy. Actually I think it's the perfect time for you to spend time with her because she has just developed this little attitude and it'll do her some good to get out of the house and get away from me for a while" Leslie says and lets out a slight chuckle.

"Well that's that then! I'm so excited. So what kind of things does she like to do? What interests her?" I ask breathlessly with excitement.

Leslie stammers for a second and says, "Oh you know, she likes what most teenagers like...talking on the phone, boys, hanging out with her little girlfriends...you know normal teenage stuff."

Okay...not exactly what I was looking for....I can't do any of those things with her. "Ok, well what do you think she would like to do with me?"

"Ummm....hell, it don't matter what she would want to do...you're going to be taking her for the day so do whatever you want to do." Well that's a little harsh...it seems like Leslie does not even know what Tiffany likes to do.

"Oh ok...when do you think her schedule will allow her a little free time...maybe the weekend?" I ask.

"You can pick her up from the house today after supper around 5:00""

"Oh..." I stammer. I didn't expect she would say so soon. "Well it may be better if we do it on a weekend and she not have to rush home and get ready for school the next day."

"No! Its okay Marie!" Leslie shouts. "They don't do much at school at the end of the week anyway so she can stay up a little past her bedtime tonight. Besides, this quick outing will give her chance to get used to you and maybe the next outing she can spend the whole weekend with you. "

Whoa now! I don't know about a whole weekend...I'm not sure if I can deal with teenage hormone and mood swings a whole weekend...especially since she's now getting a little attitude. Leslie must really be overwhelmed...so much for easing into this relationship. "Oh...ok...ummmm...well I get off at 5:00 and I could be there a little after that."

"Great...that's great Marie! I'll make sure she's ready and walking out the door when you get there!" Before I can say anything else, Leslie quickly hangs up. Wow...I would have liked to have a little say in , but I did say I wanted to spend time with her so I guess diving in, head first, is the best way to get started.

After work, rather than my usual routine I immediately go to pick Tiffany up because although Leslie says its okay, I do want to get her home at a decent time in case she has homework or something. As I raise my hand to knock on the door, I think I hear yelling and someone saying something about someone crying but the sound is so faint, I'm not sure if is coming from inside the house or if it is coming from a neighbor's house. I try to peek through the windows to see if I see anything but the back of a couch and a small fraction of the back of someone's head is all I can see. I go back to the door and knock; several moments later Leslie comes to the door and opens it. I think I just made it after dinner because Leslie still has her napkin tucked in her shirt like a bib and it takes a lot of strength for me to hold in my laughter.

"Hello Leslie...good to see you again."

"Hey Marie...come on in." Leslie huffs and leaves me standing at the door. I follow her in and see that she has already sat down on the couch that I saw from the window and on the furthest end a woman, not much older than me is sitting down but seems to be very uncomfortable. I remain standing, one because no one offered me a seat and two, because I will have to walk across the room to get to the only available seat and that would be rude of me since no one offered me a seat!

"Hello." I say to the woman on the couch." No reply....alrighty then guess she's in a bad mood. "Hello Miss Gabi! Do you remember me?"

Gabi crawls into her mother's lap and shakes her head no.

"Don't be rude Gabi...tell her hey." Leslie grumbles. Everyone must be in a shitty mood today.

Gabi whispers hey and plays with her mother's shirt. Smiling at her I say "Hey sweetie."

The mystery woman finally says, "You can sit down if you want."

Leslie cuts her eyes at the woman and the tension is the room begins to engulf me, making me feel uncomfortable. "Oh I'm sorry...I'm a little off today. Have a seat." Leslie says.

"Oh no, I'm not going to stay...I just came by to get Tiffany. I want to go ahead and get going before it gets too late since she has school tomorrow. Hopefully she'll have a good time with the little time that we do have."

Leslie looks at me, visibly upset about something and I figure the yelling was from inside their house. Her face lights up and she says "Well I tell you what...why don't you let her stay with you tonight that way you won't have to rush to get her back home."

"No!" I almost shout. "I mean, she is practically meeting a stranger, so I think today will give us just enough time to get familiar with each other. And it may overwhelm her with an overnight stay."

Obviously that wasn't the answer Leslie was looking for and she sucks her teeth in a disgusted sound and yells for Tiffany to hurry up. "She's in the back putting on clothes." Lord please let this child hurry up so I can get out of this house.

Tiffany emerges from the hallway to my left and she has the look of someone who's just lost their best friend. Tear are streaming down her face as she desperately attempts to wipe them away but the motion does nothing to stop the waterfall of tears. Maybe today was not the best day for this.

"Hey Tiffany."

"Hi." She whispers staring a whole through her shoes.

"Do you feel up to hanging out with me today?"

Tiffany begins to shrugs her shoulders and Leslie jumps up interrupting Tiffany saying, "Now Tiffany you remember your manners and stay respectful, but most importantly have a good time" as she pushes us out of the door. Actually she would have pushed us right into the door if I had not thought to open it quickly.

We both stand on the porch looking at one another in shock as Leslie slams the door behind us and the lock engages. "You know Tiffany, you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Yeah I do but its okay." She says as she continues to wipe at her tears. Honestly I can't argue with her because I know just as well as she does that neither she, nor I, have a choice anymore. Today neither one of us had a voice in our time together...Leslie decided for us.

Silently we walk to the car and once were situated inside, I hand her some tissue from the glove compartment. "Are you okay?'

"Yes ma'am." She answers without making eye contact. I had planned to take her to a 6:00 movie and then out for a quick dessert of ice cream since she has already eaten supper but now I'm not so sure.

"What do you want to do?" I ask in hopes that she's an entirely different person than the last time she was in my car and will actually give me a hint of something to do. But of course I get that damn shoulder shrug again!!! Damn, still the same child!

"Do you want to go to a movie or just hang out at my house? It's up to you"

"I don't care."

"Well think about it like this, we can go to a movie where we will sit in a dark cold theatre for nearly two hours and eat junk food or we can hang out at my house and eat junk food, but I'll have to practically force you to talk to me by asking you a thousand questions until my lips turn blue and fall off."

Tiffany giggles quietly, definitely not a heartfelt laugh but enough to show that her spirits are lifting and she says "movie." Good, because I don't think I can stand two hours of badgering her for her to talk to me.

"Okay, movie it is then."

We ride in silence for about 10 minutes and are already half way to the movie and I can no longer hold my tongue. "Tiffany I really did want to spend time with you and get to form a relationship with you. For me to know that I have a baby sister in the same city that I live in and not even know who she is breaks my heart. I already know that I love you but I want to be able to show you how much I love you by building up our relationship. Now, I won't force you to be my friend but I promise you if you choose not to, I won't just give up that easy. I will fight for you."

Tiffany looks up at me for the first time the whole night and I wish that I weren't driving and have to break eye contact with her. I so desperately want her to see how serious I am and to see what she's feeling. Having to pay attention to the road, I wasn't able to look at her long enough to get a glimpse of what she was thinking but I'm almost positive she's opening up to me.

"I doubt it." She says. Nice fail Marie...want to try again? Definitely not, I think I'll just shut up for now.

After the movie, we head to a frozen yogurt shop and once our desserts are fixed, we sit at an outside table on the patio since the night is not too cold. Okay Marie....man up and start a conversation, I say to myself trying to pep myself up for this exquisite conversation I'm sure we're about to have.

"So did you like the movie?" A shoulder shrug....wonderful, exactly the response I expected.

"So what do you like to do for fun Tiffany? What do you usually do when you hang out with your friends?" Another shoulder shrug...well, who knew a teenager could be such an in depth conversationalist?

"Do you have a lot of friends? A boyfriend?" Tiffany shakes her head no....marvelous darling...you will one day be such a profound public speaker!

"Okay Tiffany, look...Tiffany please look at me." Amazing two separate accounts of eye contact in one night...I'm on a roll. "I can't hold a conversation with myself here. I need you to talk with me okay."

She cocks her head a little like a puppy does when his owner gives him a command and asks me, "Why?"

Huh??? Okay now I'm confused. "Why what?"

"Why do you want to talk to me?"

Oh ok...that's a simple one. "Because I want to be your friend."

"No thank you." She replies and redirects her attention back to her dessert.

Wow...that hurt. "Why can't I be your friend?"

"Because I already have enough friends. What do I need more for?"

Well aren't you a blunt little something. "Well you can never have too many friends to talk to and confide in, and to help you when you need it."

Tiffany now rolls her eyes and says, "I don't need any more friends, I can't talk to you, and there's nothing you can do to help me. Can we go now?"

Wow that was a blow. Now I definitely know it's time to get her home. Now don't get me wrong, I am not nor will I ever be intimidated by a child, but I do know _when_ to let things go. I'll chalk it up to her and everyone else at her house being in a foul mood and take her home. But I _will_ get her to talk to me...or at the least to get to the bottom of why she doesn't like me before I just give up that easy. I can already tell that we're both headed down a long hard road, but sometimes I like a challenge...or maybe I'm just a fool for punishment.

LISA

We're now a month away from the first semester of the school year to end and I have never been happier. Although this is my first year teaching, I already know that this is something that I can see myself doing long-term. I love being in the classroom every day and seeing how excited _some_ of my students get about school. I'll be honest. Not all of the students are there to learn or by choice...some are simply awaiting the age of when they can drop out and do whatever it is they think that will make their lives so much better. Those students are the ones I worry about the most. My kids who come in, try hard, and are willing to learn, I don't worry about, because I know they will do well once they leave my class, if they keep the right attitude and their drive.

As I'm leaving work today and taking Tiffany home from school, something inside is telling me to go in and see how things are rather than the normal routine of dropping Tiffany off inside. As soon as I pull up to the curve, she jumps out the car and goes into the house before I'm able to turn off the engine. Damn that girl should run track! After sitting in the car for about 10 more minute, I finally turn off the car and lock my doors, slowly walking up to the house and go inside. As soon as I get inside, I smell the strong odor of weed but the house is spotless as usual. I also smell dinner cooking but am puzzled because Mama's car isn't outside. Entering the kitchen I see that Tiffany has changed clothes and is in the process of preparing mashed potatoes, French style green beans, corn and pork chops. Surprising to me, because I didn't even know that she knew how to cook. With a face full of worry lines, Tiffany doesn't even notice that I'm there as she mumbles to herself..."shit it's late...mama is going to kick my ass" with tears in her worried eyes. Again, I am shocked, this time shocked speechless because I have never heard Tiffany curse, not even once!

Finally able to speak I say to her "What did you just say?"

Terrified, Tiffany slowly turns around and looks at me, finally realizing I'm there.

"I thought you left."

"Nope. What do you mean you're late? And when did you start cooking?"

Tiffany ignores me, does a quick glance at the clock on the microwave and quickly gets dishes down from the cabinet.

"T...I asked you a question."

"Lisa...please just leave."

"Excuse me?" I ask and now I am starting to get angry. "What did you just say to me?"

"Elle, I'm begging you...please just let me finish. Mama will be here soon."

"Good! I think there are some things that I need to talk to her about."

"What?!?!" T yells loud enough to startle me.

I hear someone behind me. "Tiffany baby what's with all the noise?" Keisha asks entering the kitchen in only her bra and panties.

"Keisha!!! Where the hell are your clothes?!?! What are you doing here?" Keisha's mouth is now in the shape of an O and she's stuck in place in shock. Moments later, she comes back to and says "Oh shit! I'm sorry, Lisa I didn't know you were here!" and runs back down the hall.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask myself, not knowing I said it aloud.

"What do you mean?" T asks.

"What the hell do you mean, what do I mean? You act like its normal for her to be in here naked with no one home. What the hell is she doing here anyway?"

Tiffany rolls her eyes at me and continues with the meal she is preparing, sucking her teeth as if I should be used to the scene that just occurred.

"What is Keisha doing here?" I ask Tiffany who continues to ignore me.

"You know she been staying her." Tiffany says as if I should have known.

"I did _not_ know that!" I say and Tiffany looks back at me with a new look of fear in her eyes.

"You didn't know?" she questions as I shake my head no. "Shit!!!" She says and grabs her head.

"For the last time, watch your mouth." I warn. Tiffany does another quick glance at the clock and begins pushing me towards the front door. "Please Elle, please just go or you're going to make it worse."

"Stop pushing me and make what worse?" I ask still oblivious to any and everything.

"Elle, I promise I will tell you if you just leave now...please, please, please!"

"No! I'm not leaving T!! You _will_ tell me everything and you _will_ tell me now!" I demand but immediately feel guilty when I see the tears in her eyes and she begins shaking, and I feel even guiltier that I have yelled at her. I honestly didn't mean to scare her.

"Look Elle, if you really love me you will leave now before Mama gets home!" Mistakenly I thought I had scared her but apparently something else has her more frightened.

"Wait T...I will leave but tell me one thing. How long has Keisha been here?"

Tiffany stumbles over her words finally saying, "Since before the summer" Damn...how did I not know that? Against my better judgment, I leave the house, but I will definitely be calling mama as soon as I get home.

As I arrive home, I call mama to talk to her but after a few rings the call is sent to voicemail. I know that Mama saw me calling because of how it went to voicemail, but if I have to call all night, I _will_ talk to her. I send a quick text to Asia saying that we need to meet for lunch tomorrow. I want to see what she has been able to get T to talk to her about. Hopefully T's said something to her.

LESLIE

As I arrive home, I see Lisa driving away and wonder what she's doing at my house. Tiffany better not have said anything stupid; and she better have dinner ready or all hell will break loose up in her today. I pull into the driveway and look back to see that Gabi has fallen asleep. Picking Gabi up, I take her into the house and lay her down in Tiffany's bed. I enter quietly as to not let Tiffany know that I have made it home yet...I want to make sure that she's doing what she's supposed to be doing. Sometimes a bitch has to be sneaky to make sure things are running like they're supposed to. As I enter the kitchen, Tiffany is putting food on 4 different plates and I feel a sense of accomplishment because she's finally starting to realize who runs this house.

I startle Tiffany when I ask her "What was Lisa doing here?"

"Nothing." She answers without looking at me.

"Okay. You didn't tell her anything, did you?" I ask nicely but when she doesn't look up I already know she has.

"No ma'am." She whispers and begins to cry quietly.

"Yes you did...what did you tell her?"

"Nothing Mama! Honestly I didn't." By now she's hysterically sobbing, but the tears don't stop me as I get in her face. Trembling and staring me in my eyes she says "but Lisa knows that Keisha been staying here."

"And how the hell would she know that if you didn't tell her anything Tiffany?" I ask through clenched teeth holding myself back from punching her.

"Keisha came in and she got mad. Ummm Keisha didn't have any clothes on... and she just figured it out" she whimpers as I hold her face in my hand.

I don't know why in the hell Keisha insists on walking around the house naked. And what the hell is she doing smoking weed in the front of the house...she knows to do that shit in the back. Maybe Lisa didn't notice the smell when she came in? Now I'm really pissed off because Keisha could have at least been considerate enough to wait on me before she smoked my shit. "What the fuck else did you tell her Tiffany?"

"Nothing Mama...I swear!"

Before I know it I have my hand is around Tiffany's throat and she's gasping for breath. Her eyes and face are turning red. "You are so fucking stupid to be so smart! If you didn't tell her anything why does she keep blowing up my phone?" By now, Lisa has called me at least 3 more times because I can hear the ringtone assigned to her continuing to chime. "Now go in the back and clean your face up." I tell her throwing her to the floor.

I had to get her out of my sight before I really hurt her. And this bitch Keisha is really starting to get out of hand; walking around naked and smoking my weed without me. I stomp to Gabi's room and kick the door open, and see Keisha laying on her back with the blunt still in her hand asleep. She's really starting to piss me off! Kicking the bed I shout, "Keisha get your ass up before you burn down my fucking house! What the hell are you doing prancing around her in front of guests with no damn clothes on?"

Keisha sits up on the bed and continues to smoke like she doesn't have a care in the world and say, "I was putting on my clothes when I thought I heard Tiffany scream in the kitchen. I was so scared that I just ran out without finishing getting dressed to make sure she was okay. I didn't know that Lisa was in there. I meant no harm by it, I swear."

"Dammit Keisha now she knows you've been staying here. What did you say to her?"

"Nothing! When I saw her I just came back in here. I didn't tell her anything."

"It's okay Keish. Give me that blunt...these kids are going to worry me to death. Come on dinner's ready. And stop smoking up my shit when I'm not here."

"You shit...girl _I_ keep _you_ stocked up so technically this is my shit."

"Whatever" I say and we giggle our way back to the kitchen. Starting to feel my high, when I reach Tiffany's room and jump kick the door open and tell her to get Gabi up and to get in the kitchen to eat.

"Les, you better stop treating that girl like that or its going to come back and bite you in the ass."

"Kiss my ass Keish. It's my job as her mama to teach her to listen and do as she's told." I say as Keisha has a sad look on her face. Now after all this time this bitch is trying to get a conscience. Get your shit together and sit down with that shit!

ASIA

At the beginning of the day, I get a surprise visit by my new favorite student...Miss Tiffany. As the school year has progressed, Tiffany has grown to develop a special place in my heart. Not just because I consider her sister a friend, but because I can see in her eyes that she's hurting and looking for someone to help her. Throughout the semester, she's visited me on numerous occasions, showing me that when she said she would come back to talk to me she was being honest. Well almost...she still doesn't talk much and the majority of her visits consist of her eating lunch in my office or doing her school work.

Now I can testify that she's doing the work because she will occasionally ask me to help her with some of it, but it still seems that none of the work is getting to her teacher because she's still failing all of her classes. I know she can do the work and I know she _is_ doing the work but somewhere along the way...it still gets "lost in the shuffle." Amazingly, Tiffany is a very bright young girl and she's always very respectful, but her extreme shyness dulls her natural shine and veils her potential.

"Miss Tiffany, I'm surprised to see you so early in the day." I playfully tell her but I'm all too happy to see her. Without a greeting, Tiffany sits down in her usual chair at the small round table. I asked my favorite custodian, Mr. Walter, to put it in my office for me, just for Tiffany for when she does her work. The first couple of time she did her work in my office she propped her work in her lap and I decided I wanted to give her all the encouragement I could to continue on her good streak by making it a little more comfortable for her. Even more unusual for Tiffany, instead of putting her books on the table, she lays her head down flat on the table and faces away from me. Fear begins to trickle up my spine as I slowly approach her, contemplating what to do next. I pull up a chair and sit next to her, accidently bumping her leg. She jumps up immediately and looks at me, giving me a timid smile and says sorry.

"You know Tiffany, I always enjoy you coming to see me, but something's different about you today. Is something wrong?"

With a malicious glare, she looks through me asking "how do you know when you hate somebody?"

Caught off guard and shocked...I don't know how to respond. The only thing I can think to say is "Tiffany you're so sweet I don't think you could ever hate anyone." I chuckle in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I think I do." She says with all too much seriousness.

"Who do you think you hate?"

She shakes her head no and says, "I don't think...I know..."

"Who?"

"Does it matter?"

"Maybe...I guess it depends on who it is. But mostly I would say no."

"What do you mean?"

"Well really it's not good to hate anyone because it doesn't really hurt the other person...the only person it hurts is you, because you hold that anger inside you. But if you truly hate someone and you have to see this person every day, then yes it matters because that anger could continue to build up and get so bad that you may hurt that person."

"Naw...I'm not going to hurt anybody."

"What brought all of this on?"

She plays with the weathered marks on the table and does not answer and I have to tell her. "I know I usually don't press you to talk and let you do things in your own time, but I really need you to talk to me and tell me what's going on. I'm starting to get worried about you."

"Really? You worry about me?"

"Not usually because I know you're tough and really a good young woman but _now_ I'm getting worried." She makes no attempt to respond but does look up at me with pain filled eyes. "I really do care about you and I want to help you as much as I can, but you have to talk to me."

"I can't...it'll only make it worse. Nothing you do can help me. I just have to take care of it myself."

"What will be worse? Take care of what? "

"Me...sometimes I don't listen good enough. So, I'm going to try to pay attention more."

"Listen to who and pay attention to what?"

"Everything...the little stuff...just everything."

"Okay but why don't you think I can help you?"

"Because you're only here."

"Can anyone else help you? Maybe your sister?"

"No, she can't help me either."

"Tiffany, please tell me what you're talking about...I can't understand you."

"If I show you something do you promise not to tell anyone?"

"Like I told you before, as long as no one is getting hurt. I promise not to tell."

Okay is all she says and gets up and leaves. Confused and baffled, I forget that she was going to show me something.

That Monday about two weeks ago was the last time I saw her. I know she has been coming to school because I've checked the attendance a couple of times to make sure. I've even asked her sister about her and she says that she is still doing about the same at home. I haven't had a chance to talk to Lisa in a few weeks even though she texted me about wanting to talk to me. School has been so busy with us preparing for the winter break and getting everything done before the vacation, that I haven't had time to talk to her.

I was glad to hear from her Lisa, coincidentally, the day before my unusual encounter with Tiffany, but with both of our schedules being so busy, we haven't had a chance to talk. Today, we're going to meet for lunch so that we can further discuss Tiffany, away from school, because I definitely want to talk to her about the last time I spoke to her in my office.

As lunch time comes around, I text Lisa letting her know that I'm dealing with a crisis with a student away from campus. It's not very often that I have to go off campus to deal with a student, but this particular situation will keep me away from school for the rest of the day. I tell Lisa, through text, that if she gives me her address, I will stop by her house on my way home, because I really want to talk to her. Lisa texts me back with her address and tells me she will be home today by 4:00pm.

Resolving the crisis earlier than expected, I head to Lisa's house rather than go back to school. She hasn't arrived yet but calls me and tells me that she's minutes away and will meet me here. She tells me there's a spare key and to let myself in. Normally I would, but since this is my first time at her home and since she's so close by I decide to wait on her to arrive. Seemingly seconds later, Lisa parks in the spot beside me outside of her apartment and gets out of her car.

"You could have went on in...I trust you won't rob me blind when I'm not here." She jokes

"No I will, you'll just never know it's me."

"Come on girl. You are so crazy."

As we enter I see that Lisa has a nice one bedroom apartment that is neatly arranged and she offers me a seat while she puts her things away. After getting situated and getting pleasantries out of the way I ask her "So what's up?"

"Have I got a story for you! Let me get us something to drink...we might need it." She says as she stands up to go to the kitchen.

"Oh, I don't drink but a soda is fine." I tell her somewhat embarrassed because in today's world, not drinking is socially unacceptable.

"Oh, well I do, but I didn't mean alcohol. Just a tad bit early for that don't you think."

I chuckle at her and say "we all have our own cross to bear."

Returning with our drinks, Lisa sits down and dramatically emphasizes that she just has been dying to talk to me. I'm glad to see that although she's hurting for her sister, she's still able to maintain her spunk and sense of humor.

"So...you remember a few weeks ago when I texted you?" Yeah I reply. "Well I dropped T off at home as usual but something kept telling me to go inside. I couldn't quite figure out what it was but eventually I did go in and when I get in T is cussing up a storm and is cooking a full course meal! Not that it's that big of a deal, but honestly I didn't even know she could cook and I've _never_ heard her curse before."

"I told you, teenagers are sneaky...you never know exactly who someone is."

"No, it wasn't like that...its hard to explain but it was more like she was frustrated or in another world or something. And when she finally noticed me, she got really nervous and started begging me to leave. I'm not sure what it was but something's not right with her."

"Now that you mention it, I've been wanting to tell you about the last time she came to see me. She wasn't her normal self and honestly she looked like she's giving up. She was very mysterious and I could tell that she wanted to talk but was afraid."

"Do you think she's going to hurt herself?" Lisa asks with fear in her eyes and voice.

"I don't know. She didn't say anything to make me suspect that, but I know something is really upsetting her and I think its something at home."

"I don't know" Lisa says in frustration. "The only thing that I know that's going on there is that one of my mother's friends has been staying there since the summer and I just found that out. I can't figure out why Mama would keep it a secret though. But she hasn't said anything else to you?"

"Well she was coming to my office two or three times a week but in the past few weeks I haven't seen her. But when she was coming, she never really said anything too concerning."

"But she did say something that worried you?"

"Well only once, the day after you texted me, which was when she was really upset. She said that she hates someone and that no one can help her."

"Help her what?"

"She wouldn't say...she was pretty vague but she said she could handle it by listening more and paying more attention...but she was definitely sure that whoever she was talking about she _hates_ him or her. Maybe you can talk to her and see if she'll tell you something...I'm telling you, its eating away at her and you can tell she desperately wants to talk to someone."

LISA

I've been calling Mama and T for the past few weeks and neither will return my calls. I was finally able to take a little time and get Tiffany her own cell phone in case of an emergency but all I get is the message that the voicemail hasn't been set up. Maybe she didn't know how to set it up. I actually haven't even seen Mama, Gabi, or T in the past few weeks, except once when I pulled T out of her lunch to give her the cellphone. I had planned to take her with me to get the phone so that she could pick out one she liked, but for some reason she has started riding the bus to and from school. I told Mama it wasn't a problem for me to drive T to school since I work there but I guess T got tired of having to wait for me after class gets out, to go home.

The school day ends at 2:45 and she would have to wait on me for about an hour until I finished up with my afternoon advisement. Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but I miss my little sisters and I miss spending time with them. Today I'm going to go by the house to see everybody _and_ to find out what I did to be ostracized from the family. I also want to talk to Mama and find out why Keisha has been living with them, but I'll have to be incog-negro with that one, so she doesn't shoot me down for being nosey.

After school I run a few errands before going to Mama's house to give her enough time to pick up Gabi and make it home. I want to make sure that everyone is home when I get there, because I want to lay eyes on everybody and see what's going on. Wanting my arrival to be a surprise, I enter the house without knocking and thankfully the door is unlocked. I have a key to the house but try not to use it too much since I no longer live here. Honestly, if I look at my key ring I'm not even sure if I know which key it is.

As I enter, I see Mama, Keisha, and Gabi sitting in the living room. Gabi's coloring at the small coffee table in the middle of the floor, Keisha has her feet propped on the table, inches from Gabi's face, and Mama has her feet resting in Keisha's lap. "Hey everybody." And everyone jumps at my unexpected arrival.

Gabi jumps up and runs to me giving me a hug while Mama and Keisha mumble a very unenthusiastic hey. "What's up?"

"Nothing" Mama mumbles again....Well so much for a warm welcome.

"Mama, I've been calling you, what haven't you returned any of my calls?"

"Oh, I forgot, I've been busy with work and the girls."

"I guess since no one has offered me a seat or even made an attempt to greet me, I'll just chat with T for a little while. Where's she at?"

"In her room."

Alright, I'm going to go tell her hey." I say as I chit chat with Gabi about school, carrying her with me to T's room. Tiffany is lying across her bed looking into her school book, but obviously not paying much attention to it or attempting to do any work.

"Hey T." I say and she jumps up practically tackling me as she hugs me.

"What you been up to baby girl?"

Tiffany peeks out the door and pushes me inside closing the door behind me. "Where have you been? I've missed you."

"Well why haven't you called me back?"

"I didn't know you called me Elle."

"I've been calling you every day. Where's your cellphone I got you?"

"Mama took it from because I'm on punishment." Tiffany says with a little attitude.

"What did she put you on punishment for almost a month for?" I ask nervously, thinking of what she could have done so bad that she's been grounded for so long. Please don't let her be pregnant or experimenting with drugs.

"Talking back...she says I have an attitude."

"Oh. Well I'll talk to her and see if we can get it back...but you have to watch your mouth and control your attitude." I tell her remembering back to the foul language she used a while back. I guess those teenage hormones are starting to kick in.

"Thank you."

"So what made you decide to start riding the bus?" I ask nonchalantly although my feelings were hurt.

"Mama said you were too busy to take me to school."

Where the hell did she get that from? What makes her think that she can make decisions for me? "No I'm never too busy for you...you can ride to school with me whenever you want. How's school been going?"

"It's okay."

"How's things been here?" I ask cautiously to see if I am able to get anything out of her.

"The same." Tiffany whispers lowering her head, refusing to meet my eyes. Immediately I sense that she's getting uncomfortable.

"Hey Gabi! Why don't you go finish that picture you were coloring." Okay...Gabi says as she runs out of the room and I turn to T "so how have you been?"

"Im okay."

Sensing that she's giving me the standard response. "T? Really...how have you been?" And she shrugs her shoulders.

"How do you like Keisha staying here?" But before she can respond the door swings open and Mama suspiciously asks us what we're talking about. "We were talking about ways that T can improve her attitude and watching her mouth so that she can get her cellphone back." Okay...so I lied a little.

"Oh" Mama says and I ask her if I can keep the girls for the weekend and maybe she and Keisha could go out and relax.

"Yeah! That will be good" Mama beams "and now that you mention it, her attitude has been getting a lot better; so I was going to give her phone back today. Thank you for reminding me. Let me go and get it."

Strange...Mama's mood did a complete turn around. Old age must be getting to her, I think as she returns and gives the phone to T. T beams whispering a thank you and begins to open the box to the phone. Why the hell didn't Mama not even give her a chance to open it up?

"Do you think you can just pick Gabi up from school tomorrow and I'll pick them up Sunday evening?"

Huh...wait what? Friday through Sunday...I was think maybe Friday night and bringing them before supper on Saturday...I want to say it, but quickly wipe the look of surprise off my face. I guess I can handle a measly two days...as long as no one has any crying fits. I _will not_ think twice about sending Gabi home if she cries how she did at Sidney's house, I think back and chuckle a little. "Yeah that'll work."

After staying a couple of more minutes and helping T get her phone set up I go home and get ready for the last day of the school week. My kids wear me out by the end of the week, but I definitely have to get my rest tonight if I'm going to have both Gabi and T this weekend. And I'll have to get some food for the two of them since this little weekend stay was so impromptu. ***

Hearing a phone ringing, I grumble realizing it's my cellphone ringing rather than me dreaming. Struggling to sit up without falling off the bed, I untangle the covers from my legs and retrieve for my phone from my dresser. The screen shows only a number meaning that whoever is calling me at 3:00AM I don't know them and now I'm pissed. Answering the phone, I practically scream hello hoping the caller realizes how pissed off I am. Still half asleep, I hear someone whisper but cannot make out what they're saying. "Look either speak up or hang up!" I say as I make my way back to my bed pulling the covers over my head to get back to sleep. The phone is still to my ear and as sleep begins to take over me, I forget that I am even holding it until I hear someone talking.
"What?"

"Elle, it's me."

"Who is me?"

"Elle is Tiffany!"

What the hell is Tiffany doing playing on the phone at this time of night...or should I say morning. Doesn't she know she needs to have her butt in the bed so that she can get up for school in the morning? "T, what are you doing still up?"

"Well I was asleep but I was woken up. Can you come and get me?"

"No ma'am, I cannot not. And if you were asleep, you need to get your tail back in bed. Did you have a nightmare or something?"

"No, I..."

"Okay, well are you dead or dying?"

"No, I just want to leave..."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"I just don't want to be here?"

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"Well T if you're not hurt, you need to go back to bed so you can go to school in the morning. Plus you're going to be over here all weekend...it's just one more day."

"I know, but I miss you."

"And I miss you too but you have to go to bed honey."

"Okay....bye."

"T? You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah...go back to sleep....sorry to wake you up" and she hangs up before I can say bye. I guess it wasn't anything too bad because she wasn't crying and she said she was okay. I'll see her tomorrow and see what's going on but for now I'm going back to bed.

LESLIE

I know I shouldn't have been ignoring Lisa for the past few weeks but she's too nosey and she doesn't need to know all of my business. Plus I know she's just going to ask about Keisha staying her and I just don't want to deal with it. It's not like I owe her an explanation anyway...she doesn't need to know what's going on in my house. So, when she showed up at my house today it kind of pissed me off. But then again, I can't be too pissed off because she offered to keep the girls for the weekend.

Okay...well I kind of decided the whole weekend but hell I haven't been able to go out on weekends like I want to and I deserve to have a little fun and time to myself. Since I've been dodging Lisa, I knew she would pop up eventually which is another reason why I haven't been able to go out as much as I want. I just know she'll have something to say about leaving the girls while I go and I don't want Tiffany to have the chance to tell her anything else she isn't supposed to. Yeah, its vindictive of me to avoid her, but with the way Tiffany's little attitude has been and how much she loves going to Lisa's house, I need to show her who rules this house.

And yes, I did take her phone away from her but she doesn't deserve any privileges until she learns to listen to me and do what she is told. If I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that the main reason that I took her phone away and have been avoiding Lisa is because Tiffany little dumb ass doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut. For a child who's so quiet, she talks too damn much sometimes. But I was gracious enough to give her the phone back and take her off punishment when Lisa came over. She better be glad that's the only thing I did for telling her that Keisha has been staying here. This is my house and I don't have shit to hide, but some things that happen in this house need to stay _in this house_. Tiffany has to realize that she can't just go out and tell the whole world our business.

Come to think of it, let me get in here and see what this girl has said to Lisa now. Tiffany is lying on her bed looking at the ceiling, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"What did you and Lisa talk about?"

"Nothing."

"Well ya'll had to have talked about something since she stayed in here for 30 minutes. So what did you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her anything. I swear mama, she was just helping me with my phone!"

"Good, did she ask about Keisha?"

"Yeah, but I didn't say anything...like you told me not to."

"What did she say?"

"She asked if I liked her staying here."

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing! That's when you came in."

"I suggest you watch your attitude or I'm going to have to show you something."

"What?!?! I didn't even say anything!"

Storming over, I get in her face close enough to feel her breath "Keep it up and I'll show you what!" Tiffany opens her mouth and before she can say anything, I grab her by her shirt, accidently ripping it, and throw her to the floor.

"See, I tried to tell you." Grabbing her again, I pull her up from the floor and throw her back on the bed. Tiffany balls up facing away from me and I punch her in the back.

"TURN OVER!!! Look little girl, just do what I tell you and we won't have to go through this every damn day."

She begins to speak and again before I know it, I throw her into the wall across the room, silencing whatever smart ass remark she was about to make. "See that's your problem, you don't know when to keep your fucking mouth shut." Silence..."now you're getting it." I say satisfied.

"Les! Leave her alone...she gets it." Keisha says from the doorway.

"That's all I wanted." I say, leaving the room, "and you better not say anything to her this weekend either."

As Keisha and I are walking back to the living room, she says to me, "one of these days, she's going to stand up to you and whoop your ass."

Laughing I say, "And that'll be her last day on earth."

LISA

Picking Gabi up and heading home, I tell T "You've been quiet today" as she leans against her window.

"I guess."

The night goes pretty well and Gabi is asleep by 10:00 with no tears at all. All in all, we've had fun playing games and dancing to music videos, but I'm still a little worried, because T has been much more quiet than usual. Upstairs, Gabi is already in bed asleep, where T and I are getting ready for bed.

"Elle, I forgot my pajamas. Can I borrow some of yours?"

"Sure" I say as I go to my dresser and get her out a tank top and short. I go to the bathroom to pee before bed and when I go back to the room, I see T putting her shirt on. Stunned, I'm stopped in my tracks because T has a large bruise on her shoulder and at the small of her back she has a bruise all the way across that looks as if she has been hit with a thick board. Stunned stupid, I stand there and she hasn't noticed that I've come back in the room. Finally pulling the shirt all the way down, she turns to get in the bed and sees me staring. I didn't mean to stare at her but it caught me off guard and I wasn't able to take my eyes away.

"T what happened to your back?!?!"

Quickly getting into the bed she says "nothing" and rolls over facing away from me.

I go over to her side of the bed and slowly sit down and I see tears rolling off her face and into the pillow. "T, baby you have to talk to me. You look like someone has run you over with a truck!" Obviously, that didn't come out right, because she bursts into tears and sobs harshly. Scared that Gabi may wake up, I grab T's hand and lead her downstairs. I sit her on the couch and go over to turn on the light.

"Tell me what happened."

"I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen." She screams and gets up to leave.

Shocked by her outburst and her confession, I grab her hand to sit her back down and say, "When?" Honestly, I have no recollection of T telling me that she had been in a fight and I'm sure the school would have told me if she had gotten into trouble.

Yanking her hand away from me she says "Yesterday!"

"No, you did not tell me about this...I would remember that."

"When I called you, but you just told me to go to sleep, so I figured that if you didn't care, then I would just shut up."

"T, you know I would care that you got into a fight."

"I didn't get into a fight...I got beat up!!!" hysterically she screams.

"Well did you at least fight back?"

"How the hell am I supposed to fight back Elle?" She screams.

"Okay let's calm down for a minute....now tell me what happened."

"No!! You wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell you, so I don't want to talk to you now. You always talk about you love me and you're here for me, but when I needed you, you just blew me off like it wasn't nothing."

"T, I _do_ love you and I _am_ here for you. I didn't know you were going to tell me that." I say pointing to her back. "I just thought you had a nightmare or something and it was late. That's why I told you to go back to sleep."

"Well it's too late now...you showed me how much you really care and since you didn't want to talk to me I don't want to talk to you now." And she storms off to the kitchen.

"Look T, I'm sorry and you have to believe that I didn't know. I would have listened if I had known."

"Well it's too late now _big sister_!"

"Please tell me...I want to know."

"No you don't!" She says staring at me with cold eyes and I'm speechless. "Okay...well if you really care like you say you do, then answer this and I'll tell you."

"Okay"

"Can I live with you?"

I stammer....I know if I say no, then she won't tell me and if I say yes, I'll be lying to her. I wouldn't mind her living with me but I know Mama won't let that happen and honestly, I don't think I am ready to take care of a child. I love T like she were my own child...hell she practically is because I helped raise her, but taking care of someone else is not something that I can really say I'm ready to do. My little paycheck is barely enough for me to live off and I know it won't stretch far enough for me to take care of someone else.

"Times up...that's all I needed to know." She says and goes back upstairs.

Following her, and feeling guilty, I know I have just crushed and failed her as her big sister and protector, but what was I supposed to say to a loaded question like that. "T please talk to me."

"No" she states with finality and pulls the covers over her head.

Pulling the covers back I tell her, "You know that living with me is not going to change anything."

"Yes it would...it would change my whole world, but you don't love me enough to help me, but that's okay...I'm a big girl, I can handle it."

"Just because I can't tell you that you can live with me doesn't mean that I don't love you."

"Yes it does! You just don't get it!"

"No T, I don't get it because you won't help me understand."

"Look Elle, if you loved me you would let me stay with you...but you won't so just leave me alone."

"Just tell me how you think it will help you."

"No...you've already made up your mind and nothing I say can change that so, it's fine."

"No it is not fine! It's especially not fine that you're getting beat up."

Waiting for her answer, she says, "Are you done?"

Frustrated I tell her "No I am not done!" but she cuts me off and says "well I am, so good night!"

Knowing that nothing I say will get her to talk to me, I tell her "Okay...we're done for tonight but tomorrow we will talk about this."

"No we won't" she says but I know that responding will only make matters worse.

"Good night T"

"Good night _big sis"_ she says with contempt dripping from her words, and with that, my heart breaks.

***

Last night I barely slept a good three hours thinking about T. I know that something has been going on for a while but she won't talk about it. And when I saw the bruises, I knew that it has gotten out of hand. As soon as she wakes up, we _are_ going to finish our conversation about the bruises. I have to figure out what she meant by saying that living with me could change her whole world. With as much time as I had to think last night, I did _really_ think about it. I could make it work if I cut some corners and sacrificed a few luxuries so that I could afford her. But the biggest hurdle will be Mama.

No mother wants to know that their child no longer wants to live with them. Maybe if I play up the fact that she will have more time for herself and do things that she wants to do, she'll be more open to it. Maybe we can do a trial run for a week and see how it goes since T's going to be out of school for the next few weeks. But first I have to figure out T's reasoning behind wanting to be here. As I lay here looking at my two baby sisters, I wonder what could possibly be the answer. Oh wow...this never even crossed my mind! If T lives with me, what about Gabi? I know for sure I can't take care of both of them, but if T really believes living with me will help her, I have to consider Gabi being here as well. But then, even the consideration of Gabi living here, makes the entire conversation a moot point because Mama will not let her golden child out of her house. No longer able to rack my brain about the situation, I get up and begin breakfast because I'm sure this is going to be a long day.

Just as I am finishing up breakfast, Gabi comes down and mutters that she is hungry. I fix her a plate and she immediately digs in as if she hasn't eaten in days. Moments later I hear Tiffany yelling, "Gabi, Gabi, where are you?"

Terrified, she runs downstairs and sees that Gabi is sitting at the table eating. She runs over to her, grabbing her face and asks her if she is okay. Gabi smiles up at her and shakes her head yes and says "Look T! Pancakes!"

Tiffany sighs in relief and picks Gabi up sitting her in lap and hugs her as if she has just found Gabi, after being lost for days. Tiffany turns Gabi to her and tells her "You're not supposed to leave without telling me remember? Remember, you have to wake me up when you get up okay?" Gabi looks as if she has just remembered this and tears well in her eyes.

"I'm sorry T...I forgot." Gabi says tearfully and lays her head on T's shoulder.

"Its okay Gabi....just try to remember okay? We just have to make sure we remember okay?"

"Okay T." And Gabi's tears somewhat subside. "You mad at me?"

"No...I was just scared, that's all."

Trying to lighten the mood and calm Gabi a little I say to T, "She's okay...she just came downstairs because she was hungry."

"No, it's not okay, she's not supposed to leave without telling me!" T yells.

"T calm down, nothing's going to happen to her. Besides you're upsetting her."

"Elle you don't know that nothing's going to happen to her! She has to be more careful!"

"T, it's just us here...nobody is going to hurt her."

"Well we're not here that much and she has to learn that she has to listen."

"Okay, you're right. But she's fine. Everything's okay." I agree in an attempt to calm T down, knowing that its pointless to argue with her when she's so upset. What the hell just happened? How did we go wrong already?

T is still holding Gabi and watching her closely, I ask her if she wants some breakfast.

"Yeah. You didn't have to fix breakfast. I would have done it."

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a chef now. When did you learn how to cook so good?"

T looks at me like I've said the dumbest thing and says, "Well you have to learn how to cook if you want to eat." Well shut me up then! I guess she's still mad at me.

"Yeah, but you cook like you've been cooking for years."

"I have." She says simply as she sits down next to Gabi to eat.

"T, you're only 13, how have you been cooking for years?" I say with a laugh to try to lighten her dark mood.

"Like I said, you have to learn to cook if you want to eat."

Seeing this is also a pointless battle, I get up to fix me a plate and try to think of something else to talk about. It seems like anything I say makes T mad and I don't want to upset her. Think Lisa think.

"So what do ya'll want to do today?"

Gabi and T both remain focused on their plates and I say, "Well, don't both of ya'll talk at once."

Gabi looks up and says "Lets go to the park!" and T says "it doesn't matter."

"Gabi, it's a little cold to go to the park, what do you want to do inside?"

"Oh...I don't know." Nothing from T.

"Well there's a playground inside of McDonald's...maybe we can go there for dinner but we still have to find something to do today."

"Yay! I love McDonalds!" Gabi says

"T you don't have anything you want to do?"

"Nope."

"Nothing at all? You just want to sit around the house all day?"

"I said no Lisa!"

"Okay let's back up for a minute. What's the problem T?"

"Nothing."

"Obviously it's something because you're being grumpy today."

"Well I'm sorry that I'm not happy enough for you...tell me what you want me to say and I will."

"I want you to tell me what's going on with you. You aren't acting like yourself."

"Maybe this is just how I am and you just don't know me."

"T, I know you...probably better than you know yourself."

"Well if you know so much, then _you_ tell me what's wrong with me."

"Nevermind T, I'm just trying to help you."

"Well I don't need your help _Elle_."

"Okay T."

After a quick search on the internet, I find out that there is a place that has an indoor playground with inflatable jumping things and decide that's where we would go today. Sitting in the house with T being in such a bad mood is depressing me. Now I can see why parents need a break at times. I also see what she means by T having an attitude. T isn't what you would consider you're normal teenagers. Most kids at her age are so self-absorbed and bratty that it's difficult to be around them but T is very quiet and she acts more like and adult. I'm a little experienced in kids since I work with them, so I know that T is different from other kids her age. T is very mature for her age, which may be due to her being so smart but she also acts very much like she tries to be a mother to Gabi. Again, I can see how she and mama butt heads. She's very protective and controlling of Gabi and I can imagine no mother wants to see their child being mothered by someone else.

***

We get to the play center and once Gabi receives her colored arm band that symbolizes her age and lets the staff know what play areas she is designated to, T and I sit at a table near the 5 and under area to watch Gabi play. Once seated, Tiffany pulls out her cellphones and begins playing with it, I guess to see what different type of features it has on it and ignores me for at least a good 30 minutes. I finally build up the courage to say something to her...something that will not reignite her fury and say "so you like the phone?"

"I don't know...I haven't really had a chance to play with it yet."

"You know there's free games and things you can download on it and even some that you have to pay for, but don't go overboard with those."

"I don't really have time to play games anyway."

"T you're 13, you have nothing but time to play games."

"Not really, I don't."

"Well what takes up so much of your time?"

"I don't know...stuff, life."

"Stuff like what?"

Frustrated, T puts down the phone and says, "Homework, school, looking after Gabi, that kind of stuff."

"Well I know you don't spend much time on homework and school since you're failing all of your classes and you shouldn't be looking after Gabi that much, that's Mama's job."

Another frustrated sigh and T picks the phone back up and goes back to ignoring me. "T, I know how smart you are and failing all of your classes just shouldn't be happening." After she doesn't respond I continue and say "you need to be making sure that you're putting all you effort into school so that you'll pass."

"T, do you hear me?" I ask since she is continuing to ignore me.

"Yeah I heard you and I know."

"Well why haven't you been doing that?"

"Because I have more important things to worry about than school."

"Like what?"

"You know...stuff."

"No I don't...tell me what stuff is."

"Like I said, life, looking after Gabi, that kind of stuff."

"Again, Gabi is Mama's responsibility, not yours."

"Yeah, but I have to look out for her, she's my little sister."

"And looking out for her is something you should do as a big sister but taking care of her is totally different."

"Not really."

"Yeah really...you shouldn't be worried about Gabi...you're not her mother."

"But I have to..."

"Have to what?"

"Nothing."

"No, go on and say it."

Annoyed T looks up from her phone and says, "I have to take care of her, I promised her I would watch out for her and protect her and unlike you, I don't break my promises."

"T, I did not break my promise to you and I will always protect you and Gabi."

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you, but you failed at that one."

"Does the fact that you won't let me help you not matter at all? I want to help you, but you have to tell me what you need help with."

"Nope....it doesn't matter...nothing matters." T looks me directly in my eyes and says, "Sometimes I just want to die, or runaway, or just disappear, but you know what, I can't and the only thing that keeps me from doing it is Gabi" and she storms off. For the remainder of the time we are there, T sits at the other end of the sitting area going between looking at her phone and watching Gabi like a hawk. I want to go over and talk to her but until she's ready to talk to me, there's nothing I can do...other than make her angry, so I leave her alone. I can't wait until Sunday...I love having my sisters over but this weekend is just too much.

TIFFANY

I know I shouldn't be so mean to Elle but she's asking me too many questions that I can't answer. I'm scared that I'm going to slip up and say something and then Mama will really get me. I guess being bitchy to her is not helping any but she hurt my feelings when she wouldn't talk to me yesterday night and then she said I couldn't live with her. Last night when she asked me about my back I wanted to tell her so bad, but when she told me she wouldn't let me stay with her I knew it wouldn't help anything so I didn't.

Yesterday night when I called her, it took me hours to build up my courage to tell her that Mama beat me up but when she wouldn't talk to me it hurt my feelings so I thought I'd just forget it. If Lisa's not going to help me then I'm not going to tell her. I'd rather just take my regular punishment than the punishments Mama gives me after she knows I've talked to Lisa. Honestly when Lisa came over, I didn't even tell her anything but Mama thought I did and threw me around my room.

Maybe I'll be nicer to Lisa and convince her to not come to the house anymore...that way, Mama won't hit me like she did the other day. Most days, if I cook dinner before Mama gets home, serve them, and clean up fast enough, I can stay in my room all night and not have to get hit. But it seems like, when Lisa comes around is when Mama starts with the really bad hitting. I can deal with the slapping and grabbing from Mama if I don't do something fast enough but this was the first time she punched me and threw me; and I don't want to get that again.

I learned a long time ago to be quiet and that makes it easier, but then she gets mad and say I'm ignoring her. I'm always trying to think of ways to do things to make sure I don't make her mad but sometimes she just gets mad for no reason. Staying away from her is the only way I can guarantee she doesn't hit me, which is why I asked Lisa to let me live with her. But since she said no I don't know what else I _can_ do. I guess since I can't stay with Lisa, I will just have to figure out how to get Lisa to stay away from me.

Sometimes I really do want to die or runaway, but if I do that means Gabi will be left at home alone. I try my best to protect Gabi which is why I try to keep her close to me to watch her. Mama doesn't hit Gabi but I need to keep her safe from the other stuff. At first I thought that if she was close to me that I could watch her and that her being there beside me would make the other stuff stop but it doesn't. But at least if I keep her close I know she's not getting hurt too. I have to keep her safe! Gabi is special, she's so little and so sweet. Keeping her close, especially when she's sleeping with me, keeps her innocent and safe and not dirty like me.

The weekend went quick and Sunday night wasn't too bad. Nothing I couldn't handle. But I am glad to be back at school. Most kids don't like to go to school, but I imagine most kids don't have to deal with someone like Mama or a Keisha at their house. I know I'll probably be held back this year because I don't do my school work but I just can't get it done. When I'm home I never get to study or do my homework because I have to do everything for Mama and Keisha. Even if Mama just wants something to drink, instead of getting it herself, she makes me come all the way out my room and get it for her. And to make it even worse, she make me do things for Keisha too.

I hate Keisha but I hate Mama more...no...really I don't know which one I hate more...maybe it's equal. I liked it when I could go to Mrs. Lawrence's office, because I could get some of my work done there while I ate my lunch. I'm not sure what a guidance counselor is but I think she just talks to students about their grades....well that's the only thing she ever talked to me about. She's pretty nice but I can't go to her office anymore. One day, I almost showed her the fingerprints Mama left on my neck, but I was able to catch myself. I wish I could still go to see her because she's nice and I can do my work, but I'm scared I'll slip up and say something to her. Now that I can't go to her office, the bus ride to and from school is the only time I can get my work done. I _really_ hate riding the bus because everybody is always yelling and throwing things, just like at home.

When I got to school today, my homeroom teacher told me that Mrs. Lawrence asked me to come and see her when I got here. That made my day! I've missed Mrs. Lawrence but I can't risk getting in trouble with Mama. I'll just keep reminding myself not to talk to her. "Hey Mrs. Lawrence...you wanted to see me?"

"Hey Tiffany, yes I did. Come in and sit down." She says as walks towards me. As I sit down she walks past me and writes on her board and then comes back and sits beside me.

"Sorry, I guess I could have closed it."

"It's okay...I need to get some exercise in any." Sitting down she says "Well Miss Tiffany, I guess you're wondering why I wanted to see you huh?"

"Yes ma'am...I mean no...I mean, I guess so." Shut up stupid, that was rude...just stop talking.

"I wanted to talk to you about your grades." I look at her and don't say anything because I already know that I'm failing. "And I remember the first time that we talked you said you were going to try to work on them to get them up."

"Yes ma'am" I say lowering my head as my eyes began to burn and I know that the tears will soon follow.

"Have you been working on getting them up?"

"Yes ma'am" shit...one fell out...okay, just keep the rest in.

"So what have you been doing to get them up?" She must be psychic because I was just thinking about my grades this morning.

"I've been doing more of my homework." Which is true but I can't get it all done on the 30 minute ride to and from school so it doesn't help much.

"Are you turning it in?"

"Yes ma'am" but the teachers won't give me credit for the part that I don't get to finish.

"And have you been studying for your tests?"

"Yes ma'am" but I get points off my grade for not participating in class. During class is the only time I get to study, but I make sure that during the lectures, I listen really hard so that I can remember everything for the test.

"So what's the problem?"

I shrug my shoulders, pressing my lips together so tight they lose all color, to keep myself from saying that I'm failing all of my classes because I'm too busy getting beat up at home to do my homework, projects, and papers.

"I know for a while you were coming in here to do you work during your lunch break. Did that help?"

"Yes ma'am."

"What made you stop coming?"

Because you were too damn nice and I wanted to talk to you, is what I want to say but the fight I'm putting up to hold back my tears keeps my words inside and simply shrug my shoulder.

"Tiffany you're not in trouble, I just want to help you so you don't fail."

"Yes ma'am."

"Do you think there's anything I can do to help get your grades up?"

I shake my head no.

"Well I'm going to try to come up with some ways to help you with your grades okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Okay...now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about you."

Nooo! Please let's _not_ talk about me.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay."

"In general is school going okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

"How's everything at home?"

Just the mention of home makes the tiny hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand up and sends a cold chill through my body. Tiffany stop shaking! And don't say anything stupid. Lie and say everything is just peachy!

"Okay" You're a horrible liar....a deaf man could hear your voice trembling when you said that! Looking up at Mrs. Lawrence to see if she heard it too, I see no expression in her face...good she didn't hear it.

"Good! Well since everything is good at school and at home...."

Thank God we're finished...now I can go before I have a heart attack. I think as I stand up to walk out the door.

"Wait...where are you going? We're not finished."

"Oh" damn...I thought I was free. I slowly sit back down and wipe the last tear from my face and hope that she will hurry up

"I was saying that since everything is going good, I wanted to talk to you about something that has been brought to my attention. I've been told by different sources, whom are all pretty honest, that within the past few weeks you've been seen with bruises on your cheeks and back."

Lisa can't keep her big mouth shut...she's the only one who's seen the bruises on my back because I make sure to wear shirts that cover me up. But I forgot about the bruises on my cheeks and neck...I bet everyone has seen them! I tried to tell mama after the first time that she grabbed my face that it hurt and that marks were left but it didn't stop her from doing it again. Luckily, it's only been once that her slaps has caused me to have a black eye...now she tries to hit me lower in the jaw so that it won't bruise my eye. Actually I'm a little thankful for the bruises because they've stopped Mama from punching me in the face anymore. Besides, punches are what my back and stomach are designated for.

Okay Tiffany, we just established that you're a horrible liar so don't say anything...just keep your mouth shut!

"How did you get those bruises?"

"Tiffany?" she waits a few seconds. "Tiffany?"

"So I'm guessing you don't want to tell me?"

Ding, ding, ding...you're a smart one Mrs. Lawrence. "No."

"Well I can't help you if you don't tell me who's giving you all of those bruises? If someone is picking on you here at school then I will make sure that whoever it is gets punished."

Why does everyone keep thinking school is the problem...school is what saves me from the problem. Adults are so dumb sometimes!

"You do believe that I want to help you right?"

This lady is starting to piss me off...why does every body want to help me everywhere but at home, where I'm getting my ass kicked every day? Why don't you come home with me one day and see how much you can really help me?

"Tiffany, I need you to look at me....please." I look up and Mrs. Lawrence says "Help me, help you."

Awww you're so sweet to be so full of bullshit. "Why does everyone keep telling me they want to help me but when I ask for help they never help me _and_ when I really need the help they're never around?"

"I'm not sure who you are talking about but I promise you that if you tell me how to help you, I will."

"I already told you I needed help but you didn't help me!!! So just stop telling me lies!" I scream

An older lady with bluish colored hair comes to the door and asks Mrs. Lawrence is everything okay. She says yes and looks at me like I never even yelled and asks "when did you tell me?"

"The last time I was in here."

"I remember you saying you hated someone and you were pretty upset but you didn't tell me that you needed help."

"I did...you just didn't listen."

"Well I'm listening now."

"Are we finished?"

"I still want to talk to you and I want to discuss another issue with you as well."

"What other issue?"

"Since we're almost halfway through the year and you're not going to be able to pass this semester, I have to have a conference with your mother about your grades."

"Oh." Is my only reply, even though I am terrified that once that conference is held, it will be my last day alive.

"So, I will call your mother and set up a time for the two of you to come and see me so that we can discuss how to get your grades up."

"Okay" I say as I feel sweat rolling down my back and dripping from hands, and my eyes start to burn again. "That it?"

"Can we finish talking about me missing what you told me?"

"No thank you." I say with as much attitude as I can muster. I don't want to be mean to her because I like her. I have to get out of here before I start crying again.

"I really do want to talk to you but I am not going to force you to stay here or to talk to me if you don't want to."

Sarcastically I mumble "thanks" and get up to head out.But as I reach the door, it hits me...this is the perfect opportunity. Since Mrs. Lawrence is so set on helping me...I guess I will let her "help" me. Really there is nothing she can do to help me about what's going on at home except in one way. If she really wants to help me like she says she does, then I'll let her...that way no one will get hurt. "Mrs. Lawrence....you really want to help me?"

"Yes Tiffany."

"Well, if I tell you how you can help me, do you promise you will?"

"I will try my best."

"Tell Lisa to stay away from me."

"Huh???"

"You can help me by keeping Lisa away from me...you said you wanted to help me and that's what I need you to do to help me." And then I l turn to leave.

"Tiffany? Is Lisa hurting you? Did she leave the bruises on you?"

"No!"

"Well how will keeping your sister away from you help you?"

"Because it'll keep me safe." Finally I walk out the door ignoring Mrs. Lawrence's requests to come back. Damn I'm a genius...that'll keep Mama from beating me and I won't have to be the one to hurt Lisa's feelings by telling her to stay away from me.

ASIA

"Hey Lisa...do you want to go to lunch today?"

"Sure...I'll see you in a little bit."

I...am...floored! Who was that child that just left my office? Tiffany seems like a completely different person than the child I met just months ago. I know the old Tiffany is still there...the shy, sweet, polite young girl with the beautiful smile and a compassionate spirit. But now, she's cold, cursing, and yelling...she's become disheartened....broken. Lisa told me she's seen more of a change in her, around the time she discovered bruises covering her back, but I wasn't expected this.

I checked with the assistant principle and there have no discipline referrals for Tiffany, so I know she hasn't been in a fight at school. I also checked with all of her teachers and none of them have noticed anyone in particular picking on her. The main thing that the teachers were concerned with are the bruises that they've seen on her face, arms, and back, but also that she's started to become somewhat of a tyrant to some of the kids in class.

Honestly, I don't think it's anything going on at school but something that's happening at home. I briefly spoke to Lisa this morning and she told me about how harsh and aggressive Tiffany was towards her over the weekend. But after seeing how Tiffany acted today, I feel guilty even thinking this but I think there is something going on with her and Lisa. I know I have absolutely no proof and only suspicion but what she said has really bothered me. I'm not sure what she meant by saying that she would be safe if Lisa wasn't around her, but that in itself makes me question why she wants Lisa to stay away from her.

I love Lisa and she's my new best friend but I can't shake this feeling that there is something going on that's making Tiffany react this way. I know Lisa loves her and is always very concerned about her but maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. Maybe she's a little too involved with her. I've seen the two of them together on a few occasions and Lisa is actually very good with Tiffany. She treats her much like her own child, but still has somewhat of a friendly relationship with her. Lisa never really talks much about their mother and I never even knew her name until I looked at Tiffany's information card. I've never noticed anything out of the ordinary between the two of them, but something just doesn't feel right. Lisa's always very sweet to her and she treats her like she's just one of her friends but at times she does seem to be a little too affectionate with her. Now don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong about hugging someone or showing your sibling that you care. Actually for a teenager, it's very important that they are taught appropriate boundaries in regards to affectionate and that they receive affection from adults in their lives, as a way of encouraging them and securing their self-esteem. Like I said, I love Lisa and I _know_ she wouldn't do anything to hurt her sister but nowadays, you just can't be sure about anyone. This is part of the reason why I want to see her today. I want to see her because it's been a while and I enjoy spending time with her but I also want to talk to her and see what she feels is going on with Tiffany's aggression towards her.

After an off campus home visit, I'm sitting at my favorite restaurant waiting for Lisa to arrive. I'm nervous but really have no reason to be. I keep telling myself to get out of my head and not assume anything; but I can't stop my mind from thinking that there's something inappropriate going on between Lisa and Tiffany. Although I haven't known Lisa for long, I do know that she is a good person and would never do anything to hurt Tiffany or any other child for that matter. But you can never really know what a person does when they are not with you.

Lisa walks in and sits across from me. "Hey, how are ya?" she asks in a chipper tone.

Her good mood settles my nerves a little and allows me to release the breath, that I didn't even know that I was holding. "I'm good. How about you?"

"You sure? You look a little stressed." Oh shit...she knows what I'm thinking. Calm down Asia! If she knew what you were thinking, she would have punched you in the face by now.

"Yeah I'm okay...been a pretty rough day."

"Why? What's going on?"

"Just normal school stuff."

"Well how was your meeting with Tiffany this morning. "

"About the same...she was very mysterious and I saw the anger that you mentioned but other than that...she didn't tell me much.

Lisa has a disappointed look on her face and says "Oh."

"But she did say something that bothered me...."

"Well, what is it?"

I'm not sure how to even begin to tell Lisa about Tiffany's request and I definitely don't want her to know that there's doubt in my mind about her character. Being honest about it is the only way that I know how to talk to her about such a sensitive subject so I dive right in. "Well she...she mentioned you...and she doesn't...."

"Doesn't what Asia?"

"Lisa, please don't get mad at me...I'm just trying to help and figure all of this out just like you want to do."

"Okay...what is it that would make me mad?"

"I was asking her about the bruises and she immediately shut down on me...she refused to talk about them."

"I figured that."

"Well I told her that she has to talk to me about what's going on so that I can help her and she got very upset saying that everyone is telling her that they will help her but no one ever does. She even said that she asked me for help the last time I saw her but I didn't help her either. I guess that's why she stopped coming to my office and why she was so upset with me today. But Lisa I swear, she never told me what to do to help her because if she did I would have."

"That's pretty much what she keeps telling me. That she's asking for help but I won't help her. Don't worry I know you would help her if she asked you to."

"But she did finally tell me what she felt like I could do to help her...but she wouldn't tell me how it would help her."

"What did she ask you to do?"

"Ummm...well...she....she....she told me to keep you away from her."

"What?!?!" Lisa yells and looks as if the wind has been knocked out of her.

"She said you didn't leave the bruises on her and that you never hurt her but that she would be safe if you were to stay away from her."

"But I don't understand...she just asked me if she could live with me! Why would she want to live with me if she doesn't feel safe around me? What did I do to make her not feel safe?"

"I don't know. Did ya'll get in a fight or something?"

"Well I mean, we did argue but I never threatened her or did anything to her. I would never ever lay a hand on her."

"I know you wouldn't but for some reason she feels that she isn't safe around you."

"Well what should I do??? I mean, if she doesn't feel safe around me, I don't even want to go around her and ask why....I don't want her to feel like I'm a threat to her."

"Let me keep talking to her and see if I can find out what it is. I mean she is starting to give me a little more."

"Do you think I should try to talk to her?"

"I would...probably not in person but maybe call her or something."

"This is crazy...I can't even go around my own sister!"

"That's just what I would do, you have to decide what you feel is best. But if you don't it'll just be for a little while until we can find out what's going on. I have to have a conference with your mother due to her grades. But since the end of the semester is coming up, I won't be meeting with Tiffany until next semester. If you're mom agrees to it, I'll be meeting with Tiffany, maybe once or twice a week."

"But that means it'll be another month or two before I can see her! And what about Christmas...that's my family...I can't not be around them during the Christmas holidays! I can't wait until next semester."

"I don't know what to tell you Lisa but you have to do what you feel is the right way to be able to discuss this with her."

***

The following week is the last week of school before the winter break; and I'm waiting for Tiffany and her mother to arrive for the conference scheduled for today. I'm a little nervous about it but not sure why. Hopefully all will go well and Tiffany's mother will allow me to tutor Tiffany to get her grades up. I also want to talk to her about the bruises and the aggression that has developed with Tiffany. As a school counselor I am obligated to discuss any concerns I have with the parent and the bruises are definitely a concern.

The conference was supposed to begin 30 minutes ago and I'm beginning to get worried that Tiffany and her mother won't show up. I call the front desk to make sure that they haven't arrived yet and someone forgot to send them back.

"Mrs. Lane, this is Asia, I was calling to see if my family for my 3:30 conference has arrived yet."

"Actually they just signed in and I was about to call you...do you want me to send them on back?"

"No...that's okay...I'll come up and get them."

"Okay, see you in a bit."

Nervously I walk to the front desk and see Tiffany, a woman in her mid-forties, and Tiffany's little sister Gabi standing at the desk placing their visitor stickers on their shirts. As I approach, I take in a deep breath to calm my nerves and thank Mrs. Lane. I exit the office and enter the lobby to take Tiffany and her mother back to my office through the hallway rather than through the office.

"Hello Tiffany...and Mrs....."

"Oh you can just call me Les...Leslie...I don't like being called Miss...it makes me feel old."

Shaking her hand I say, "Oh you're not old...glad to meet you, I'm Mrs. Lawrence, the school counselor."

"Glad to meet you too. Tiffany don't be rude, tell Mrs. Lawrence hey." Her mother nervously chuckles and say, "Seems like since I tell her a thousand times a day to use her manners she wouldn't forget...but as you can see I still have to remind her."

"We all forget things sometimes...the few times I've had the pleasure of speaking with Miss Tiffany, she's always been very polite. She's probably the most well-mannered student I've spoken to here."

"Well I'm glad to hear that. Sorry we're late. I had to go and pick up my other daughter."

"Not a problem, this won't take long." I say and bend down to greet Gabi. "And hello to you young lady."

"Hi!" Gabi says and smiles grabbing Tiffany's hand.

"Well if you all will follow me to my office, we will get you out of here as quick as possible. I'm sure you have things to do today."

"Oh we're in no rush at all." Tiffany's mother says as I lead them down the hall.

"Come in and have a seat."

Rounding my desk, Tiffany and her mother sit in the chairs in front of my desk and Gabi hops in Tiffany's lap. I smile thinking that Tiffany and Gabi seem to have a pretty close relationship.

"Well I wanted to have this conference with you because Tiffany has been struggling most of the year and she's tried a couple of different ways to work on getting her grades up but may need a little more help. The semester is over and if we don't get her grades to start going up immediately, she may have to repeat this year. I know as smart as she is, that's something we can avoid."

"Well....I....I didn't even know her grades were that bad." Leslie says "I mean, she's smart and every night she does her homework and studies. Tiffany knows that I'll help her as much as I can with her work, even though my baby is smarter than me now, but I don't know what happened."

"Tiffany, what's going on with your grades?" Her mother asks.

"I don't know." Tiffany replies with a trembling voice.

"You must be playing too much in class. Is that it?"

"No ma'am." Tiffany says as tears begin to stream down her reddened face

I interrupt so that Tiffany doesn't feel as if she is in trouble or being attacked, "I'm not sure either, but she still has enough time to get everything back on track with some hard work and a little dedication."

"Definitely, she _will_ get back on track."

"I would like to suggest that she attend advisement sessions and tutoring with me twice a week so that she can continue to focus on her current work and dedicate the times she's here with me to do her make-up work."

"That sounds great!" Tiffany mother says, "Don't you think honey?" She asks Tiffany while rubbing her arm.

"Yes ma'am." Tiffany mumbles while she wipes her face with her free hand.

"She's so smart. I know she will get those grades up in no time." Leslie adds with a pat to Tiffany's shoulder. "She can do anything she sets her mind to."

"Great! Tiffany, do you think that this is something you would like to do?" I ask Tiffany so that she has a say-so in how her education goes. She needs to know that this is just as much her decision as it is her mother's.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. Well we'll start as soon as we get back from the break and I'll talk to her teachers to let them know that she'll be with me twice a week. Any work that the teachers need for her to do to catch up, we'll make sure that it's completed."

"Good...good...good. Thank you so much for all you're doing for my baby Mrs. Lawrence, we really appreciate it." Tiffany's mother says.

"No problem." Well that went better than I thought...now on to the more difficult topic. "Ummm Mrs....Leslie....do you think we can talk in private for a few minutes?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Great...If you don't mind, I'll just get them situated in one of our conference rooms."

"No that's fine...ya'll behave now...and Tiffany don't let your sister out of your sight."

"Is it okay if I get them a snack and something to drink."

"Yes ma'am...that's fine."

"Okay...sit tight...I'll be right back."

Walking Tiffany and her little sister back from the snack machines, to the conference room, I ask her "Well that went well wouldn't you say?"

"Yes ma'am." Tiffany replies quietly while holding her sister's hand.

"You seemed like you were nervous...like you were in trouble." Tiffany shrugs her shoulders and I tell her, "It shouldn't take long to get your grades up if that's what you're worried about."

"Naw" she says and I'm glad that she realizes we can get her grades up quickly so that she can pass this year.

Getting them settled, I return to my office and ask her mother, "I'm sorry...I'm being so rude...did you want anything to drink?"

Nervously wringing her hands she states, "No ma'am we need to be getting home soon anyway."

"Well in that case, we'll get right to it...there's been some concerns with Tiffany here at school that has been brought to my attention. And because you are her mother I have to discuss it with you."

"Umm ok."

"Well several of the staff members have noticed that Tiffany has become more aggressive this semester and she has also been seen on multiple occasions to have bruises that she cannot explain."

"Well....Tiffany is really clumsy and she's always falling down or bumping into something. But really I haven't noticed any bruises or anything. But I will definitely talk to her because I want to know if someone is hurting my baby." Leslie becomes tearful and begins to sob quietly. As I hand her a tissue she says, "Oh my god...what is going on? Who would want to hurt such a sweet child? Do you have any idea of who it is? What happened to her?"

"I'm not sure Leslie but Tiffany will not discuss anything with me. Maybe once we begin meeting more regularly she will feel more comfortable with me and tell me if someone is bothering her here at school. But I would say just try to talk to her and see if she'll tell you anything. "

"Yes ma'am. Thank you so much!"

LESLIE

I'm going to kill this little bitch. She got me running around all over town having to go to her school for a conference, all because her dumb ass wants to fail all her classes. And she got me lying to these uppity ass people at this school...acting like they better than me. Then, that counselor bitch, has the nerve to ask me about some damn bruises. I guess she forgot that Tiffany is my child and I can do whatever I want to. Really I didn't even know that she was failing her classes and I was kind of grateful that she wanted to help Tiffany out with her grades. But when she said she wanted to talk in private I knew something was up. I almost shit myself when she asked me about the bruises. But being the bad bitch that I am, I pulled it off and even dropped a few tears convincing her uppity ass that I didn't know anything about them. Oh and I was highly pissed off when she said that Tiffany wouldn't tell her anything about them. I don't know what make her feel she has the right to talk to my child without me knowing. I don't want Tiffany talking to anybody about the bruises.

But after tonight I'm going to set Tiffany's ass straight...when I'm through with her, I bet she won't open her mouth to say anything to anybody! I'm going to have to start controlling myself more because I can't have people seeing the bruises. I'm going to have to get creative. I've told her to wear shirts that cover her up but she just has to wear stuff that shows off her back and chest. This morning I made her put on a turtle neck sweater to cover her neck from when I choked her last night but I'll be damned if when I showed up at the school she didn't have the damn thing on. Saying she was hot and had to take it off...sometimes that girl is so stupid!

"Tiffany, I have told you about your mouth...you talk too much. The only thing I ask you to do is to shut up and you can't even do that. And stop all that fucking crying!!!"

Entering the house, I tell Tiffany to go to her room and wait for me because we need to have a talk. I get Gabi set up with a snack and allow her to watch tv before dinner.

"Tiffany, why didn't you tell me you were failing?"

"I don't know."

"Why are you failing?"

"I don't know."

"What do you know then?"

Tiffany shrugs her shoulders and I can feel my blood boiling. Why does she have to do everything to piss me off? "Do you know I could get into trouble for you not passing? Because of you, I had to leave work early, lose money, and sit in that school and lie to those people....all because you want to play around at school and not do your work."

"I don't play..."

"Shut up...I don't want to hear it. What do you think your punishment should be?" Tiffany begins to cry softly. "Its too late to be crying now."

I ask her "And what did you tell her when she asked you about the bruises?"

"I didn't tell her anything Mama."

"Don't lie to me Tiffany...I'm already pissed off because you let them be seen in the first place so I suggest you stop lying."

"I'm not lying Mama...she asked but I didn't tell her anything."

"Stop lying Tiffany!!! If you didn't tell her anything, why did she have me going up to that school today?"

"I don't know." Tiffany says and I snap. Before I realize it, she's lying on the bed; on her back with blood coming from her mouth and my knuckles are hurting. "Tiffany you know I don't like to do this to you but you just don't listen." Punching her in the stomach with each word I say. Tiffany is now crying loudly and coughing to catch her breath and I tell her, go clean up your face and get dinner started.

LISA

We're a week into the winter break and I'm starting to get angry. I've tried to be patient and give T some time, but I'm not getting anywhere with her. I haven't talked to her other than a few vague text messages and I feel like if we don't talk about this, I'll never be able to fix it. I'm not sure what I did to her that makes her feel unsafe around me, but that was the most devastating blow I've ever received. I had planned on taking both of the girls for the week so that we could spend time together, as well as getting all of our Christmas shopping done. It would give Mama a break and give me time to talk to T about everything but when I talked to Mama she said that T was mad at me for something and that she was on punishment again, but this time for her grades. Mama says that maybe next week she'll let her come over but I can't wait that long.

I spend most of the morning cleaning up and rearranging my furniture trying to think of the best way to go about talking to Tiffany. After a quick lunch and a run around the park, I still can't settle my nerves or redirect my thoughts. The only thing I can do to move forward is to "man up" and just talk to her. I promise myself that I won't get upset with her for how she feels, but will simply listen to her and work with her to figure out how we can set things straight. I initially planned to go this evening to ask Mama about allowing Tiffany to stay with me over the break. I think its best I not tell her that it's really the trial run" of T living with me, because I'm still not sure she'll go for it. But since T is still so mad at me, if we can't figure out how she can feel safe around me, we may not even be trying out the trial run. That's why I need to see T first _and_ because I can't go another minute with all of this weighing on my mind. But, _if_ I _do_ talk to Mama about T living with me, I definitely won't mention that it was T's idea because she'll just blow up. I'm still not sure about how T living with me will help her but since she feels so strongly about it, I'm willing to give it a try. That's if she still wants to.

After showering and getting dressed, I head on over to Mama's house. I'm still a little bit nervous and it quickly escalates as I pull up and see Gabi outside playing in the front yard...alone... in 30 degree weather. I know Tiffany's home and she's supposed to be watching Gabi, but she knows better than to let her go outside in the cold...and alone! "Hey Gabi...where's T?"

"Hey Elle!!!" she squeals as she jumps up into my arms. "They inside." She says as I carry her into the house. Immediately as I walk in, I see that the house is a wreck which is very unusual. Mama always keeps the house spotless, although when I lived with her she wasn't much of a cleaner. Not to say that we lived in filth, but cleaning wasn't something she enjoyed doing. Seeing the state of the living room, my nerves get even more aroused. I can smell the faint hint of food, so I enter the kitchen thinking that T is cooking or cleaning up the mess, but all I see is an empty kitchen in a mess. "Gabi...where's T?"

"I don't know..."

Now my anxiety is sky rocketing and I sit Gabi on the couch... "Do not move!"

I run down the hall and hear Tiffany sobbing and sigh in relief because now I know that she is alive and okay. Slowing down, I pass Gabi's room and see that Keisha has apparently taken up residence in there. The bed is still unmade and her clothes are thrown all around the room...she lives like a pig.

I knock on T's door before entering, but I'm sure that she can't hear me over her crying. I wonder what's wrong and slowly ease the door open. Shocked and distraught, I feel like someone has _punched_ a knife into my chest. I can feel the heart attack coursing through my body and dispersing pain so intense that it temporarily blinds me. After a few seconds, my temporary blindness begins to subside and my sight returns. Storming over to the bed, I jerk her so hard by the hair that a small hand full is release from her scalp, just before her body slams into the door frame behind me. "What the fuck are you doing?!?! Bitch I'm about to kill you!!!"

I shout as Gabi runs to the door and asked, "What happened?" looking at the crumpled naked body on the floor.

"Get out of here Gabi!" I shouted scaring her and she jumps. Not intentionally scaring her, I apologize and coax her back to the living room. Returning to T's room I tell T, "Get up and put on some clothes." Seeing her naked body shocks me and makes me _very_ uncomfortable. "And you! Don't you fucking move!"

As T puts on a long t-shirt and wiping the tears from her face I tell her to go and sit with Gabi. I turn to the naked tremble body beside me and say "I'm about to get a murder charge today."

"I'm sorry!"

I can't stop my tears or the tremble in my voice. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! What the fuck do you think you are doing in my sister's room? Have you lost your fucking mind?"

Taking in large breaths of air, I try to calm myself but the image of T lying on the bed, with tears streaming down her face, and Keisha's hands on her breast while her face is between her legs is seared in my mind forever and I can't shake it.

Staring at her, I continue my deep breathing because I don't know what else to do. At least by now the anger has paralyzed my tears inside my eyes... and hopefully my hands as well to keep me from killing her. I slowly walk to the door and shut it, so that Gabi nor T are traumatized even more. Keisha sits on the floor trembling and looks at me as if she is waiting on me to pounce on her. Think Lisa think....what do you want to do...killing her won't help anything.

Do you call the police...yeah call the police. No don't call the police because if you do, they'll arrest her and you won't get the chance to kick her ass. Or maybe...I'll kick her ass then call the police. No that won't work because they'll ask what happened to her and then you'll be arrested.

Did Mama know about this? No, she wouldn't have let this happen. Is Keisha the one who has been putting the bruises on her? "Did you fucking hurt my sister?" Of course she hurt her...who else would have done it? "Keisha, its bad enough you were _raping_ T...why did you have to beat up on her too?"

Keisha opens her mouth to say something. "Shut the fuck up! Not only did you abuse her and use her as your own sick sexual play toy, but you beat her up too? For what, to keep your little nasty fucking secret safe?"

Keisha stammers and begins to say something and again I scream "Don't fucking talk!!!" I'll just wait for Mama to get home so we can both kick her ass, then she can help me figure out what to do with her body once we kill her. But then again, I don't want to have to have T sit in the same house with her for another minute much less another 4 or 5 hours until Mama gets home. Damn, what can I do to keep her here without her running off? I know, I'll lock her up and take T and Gabi to my house, come back and wait for Mama and then we can take care of her. But...I don't want to leave T, especially not at a time like this. After a little more thought, I begin my course of action, with the only thing I can think of...I tell Keisha to get her ass up off the floor and I lock her in the bathroom. I know...it's a little psycho but it's the only thing I can think to do.

Returning to the living room, I tell T to go and get some clothes on, "we're leaving." And she goes to her room to get dressed. T is still crying when she returns to the living room and we leave. On my way to my house I call Mama and leave her a message saying to call me as soon as she gets off work.

By 6:00PM I still haven't heard from Mama and I'm getting more pissed off by the minute. Gabi and T look at me as I walk back and forth in the living room watching my phone. Fed up with waiting, I call Mama and she answers on the third ring. "Mama, where are you?"

"Lisa, where the hell are my kids and why did you lock Keisha in the bathroom?"

Angered that she's yelling at me, "Mama, I told you to call me as soon as you got off work! What the fuck did you go home for? And where is Keisha?"

"She's right here...where is Gabi and Tiffany?"

"They're here with me."

"Well, I want you to bring them home right now!!!"

"I will not! Did Keisha tell you what happened?"

"Yes."

"Well why would you even tell me to bring them home if you know what she did?"

"Lisa this is a family matter and I will handle it privately."

What the hell did she just say to me??? I'm family...not Keisha "Excuse me?"

"Bring my damn kids home now!!!

"Wait, what do you mean you'll handle it? When you kill her, I'm going to be there helping you so that I can make sure the bitch is dead!"

"Lisa stop being so dramatic! We're not killing anybody."

What?!?! Did she just say what I think she said??? Then it hits me.... "You knew didn't you?"

"Lisa look, I need you to come to the house so we can talk about it."

"No! I'm not bringing her back there!!!"

"Mama, how could you let this happen to her?"

"Lisa, come over here and we'll talk."

"No! You will talk to me now."

"Look Lisa, I know this doesn't make any sense _to you_ but Tiffany is 13 years old. If she's not already having sex, she will be soon and it's better if she's with someone who won't hurt her and that I know is safe."

What the fuck??? "Mama....you...let...Keisha rape her?"

"No!!! Keisha did not rape her!"

"Yes! Yes she did! Sex with a child is rape and non-consenting sex with anyone...adult or child...is rape. I don't care how you put it. "

"No Lisa, you don't understand."

"Yes I do understand...you let your own child be raped in her home, no telling how many times and you're okay with that. And you say that Keisha didn't hurt her but she beat her constantly to hide her sick little secret!!!"

Mama is silent and she is now crying softly. "Please just bring them home."

"No!!!" and I hang up on her throwing my phone...I didn't realize that I was talking in front of T and Gabi and T is in a daze crying softly.

"T baby..." and I go and embrace her...she falls into my arms and clings to me for dear life climbing into my lap and sobbing so hard both of our intertwined bodies are violently shaking. "Shhhh...."

"Elle what's wrong??? What does rape mean?" Gabi asks with tears in her eyes. Knowing that her little mind is unable to understand this horrible situation, I simply pull her into our hug. Rubbing both T and Gabi's heads, I try to soothe them the best I know how and immediately stiffened with the new thought that something could have happened to Gabi as well. I pull her back and look into her eyes searching for any answer. She gazes at me lost and confused and I timidly ask her, not wanting to confuse her even more, "Gabi, has anyone ever touch you in any way that hurt you?" T jumps up and almost knocks Gabi into the coffee table and says, "No, I protected her...I promise Elle...I kept her safe!!! I kept Keisha's hands away at night while Gabi was asleep so she wouldn't hurt her." And finally it dawns on me that this is what T has been saying to me... she needed me to protect her from Keisha and from what she was doing to her. And I did let her down...I didn't protect her like I always told her to. Tears breaming over my eyes, I look T in her face and tell her with so much honesty and compassion, "T sweetie, I didn't know...I swear I didn't know and if I did I would have protected you. I know I let you down but you have to believe me. I would never have let this happen if I had known."

T searches my eyes and finally says "I know...I should have told you but I was scared. I was scared that I would get beat again."

"No! She will never have the chance to hit on you anymore." I say with so much conviction...but still a look of confusion washes over her face.

"Elle, she didn't beat me..."

Now confusion embraces me and I try to understand, but can't make out what she's saying "Yes, she beat you so you wouldn't tell."

"No she didn't."

Obviously, T is still afraid and I try to affirm her, "T, you don't have to lie for her, she can't hurt you anymore."

"No Elle, she didn't beat me...she actually took up for me a few times to keep me from getting beat."

"But all the bruises..."

"Yeah..."

"If she didn't beat you, who did? T, please tell me who hurt you."

"Mama....she would hit me for any reason, sometimes I didn't cook fast enough, or get their plates to them fast enough, or anything."

"What?!?!"

"She would hit me as my punishment, or kick me, or choke me, or...."

"Or what?"

"Or make me do things with Keisha."

My stomach burns and instantly my throat becomes enflamed as my lunch spews up my throat....Mama did this?!?! I jump up and run to the bathroom, expelling what seems like all the food I've ever eaten. I would have _never_ fathomed that my mother was a pedophile.

Returning to the living room, I tell Gabi to go upstairs to watch tv in my room while I talk to T. Sitting in T's lap, she looks at her for confirmation and when she shakes her head yes, Gabi jumps down and runs upstairs. Sitting down beside T, I grab her hands, so that she stops picking at her nails and tell her "We have to talk."

"Okay" she whispers.

"When did this all start?" I ask not really wanting to know the answer but needing to know so that in my mind I can develop a timeline of everything.

"A little after Keisha moved in."

"So since the summer?"

"No she started staying before school got out."

"And Mama knew the whole time?"

"I don't know."

"When did Mama start hitting you?"

"The first time she thought I told you...after Aunt Sidney's party."

"Damn, you've been going through this for that long?" I think out loud.

"I guess." Tiffany responds, even though I didn't expect an answer.

"So, is that why you wanted to live here?"

"Yeah." She whispers and wipes her face with the sleeve of her shirt.

"You know if I had known I would have let you and Gabi stay without a second thought right?"

"Yeah."

"well why didn't you tell me." I ask with more accusation that I meant to.

Tiffany begins to sob and I embrace her and apologize, "Because when she thought I was telling you stuff, it was worse and I just didn't want to get hurt anymore."

"T, you know that none of this is your fault right?" She shrugs her shoulders. Pushing her away from me, I hold her face in my hands so that her eyes can meet mine and tell her with conviction, "It is not your fault."

"I should have just listened better." She says and I know that it will take a while for her to fully understand that she was a victim of two sick minds.

"I know this is hard but I have to ask you something."

"What???" she asks with fear in her voice.

"Was it just Keisha? Was there anybody else doing that to you?"

"No! It was just Keisha. I don't sleep around!"

"No, I'm not accusing you of anything...I just need to make sure. Umm...what...what all did Keisha do?" T stiffens and puts her head down refusing to answer me. "I know it's hard but I need to know."

"Just touching and kissing."

"Did she ever...did she....did she put anything in you?"

"Sometimes. Her fingers mostly but if I was in big trouble she would use this big..."

"Okay...you don't have to keep talking if you don't want to."

"Thank you...it's embarrassing." She says as she palms her face and cries deeply.

"I know baby. But you don't have to be embarrassed...she took advantage of you. You didn't do anything to be embarrassed about."

"But what if...what if..."

"What if what?"

"What if...she made me start liking girl?"

"Oh sweetie, something like this will not make you gay...that's something that's decided before you're even born."

"I didn't like her! I didn't like what she did!!!"

"No! No! No! That's not what I am saying. If you like girls...your age...like girls like boys...when the time comes, you'll know what you like. Just because she did this doesn't mean you'll like girls because of it."

We sit in silence for several minutes and I wonder what's going through her mind. I don't know what to do now. I don't know how this will affect her. I don't know what to say to her. Too many things are going through my mind right now and I'm having trouble staying focused.

Suddenly she says, "Do you hate me?"

"No! I could never hate you! I'm just trying to figure everything out."

"If you don't like me anymore, you can just take me home...I'll be okay. But will you keep Gabi?"

"T...I love you, none of this is something you wanted or had any control over. And I don't plan on sending Gabi back or _you_!" I tell her as I lay her in my arms.

"Are you mad at me?"

"What would I be mad about?" I ask into her hair.

"Because I told Mrs. Lawrence to tell you to stay away from me."

"No...I just wanted to know why you didn't want to be around me. That's what I planned to come over to talk to you about but...."

"Mama's worse when you come around, so I told Mrs. Lawrence to tell you so I wouldn't have to hurt your feelings. I'm an idiot."

"No you're not...you were just trying to keep safe...I could never be mad at you for protecting yourself like I should have been doing."

"So you still like me...even though I'm....nasty?"

"T, you're not nasty...you were abused...but you're still perfect." She smiles and I know that she will be okay...not today but eventually she will be.

"One more question and I'll leave you alone."

"What?" she asks looking at me with so much pain that it kills me. Not physical pain but pain so deep that you can see that her soul is torn and battered.

"Are you sure nothing ever happened to Gabi?"

"No, I always kept her with me. I never let her out of my sight. Even at night, I made sure that when she was asleep that I held onto her so she couldn't move without me knowing. Except at night when _she_ would come into my room."

"She did that to you with Gabi in the bed?" Now it makes sense of why she says she has to take care of Gabi and why she's so protective of her.

"Yeah...but I always wrapped Gabi in the covers and I slept on top of the covers so she couldn't touch her. I made sure."

"I could kill Keisha! You know what?"

"What?"

"You're a pretty good big sister to Gabi. You sacrificed yourself for her and she'll always love you for that."

"No...I just had to protect her. That's what I was supposed to do. I hate Mama and Keisha so much!"

"Trust me...I hate them too."

"So what now?"

Still in shock, I haven't been able to think about anything past the right now but I tell her "I'm not sure, but the first thing we have to do is get you to a doctor to make sure she didn't give you anything."

"No, I don't want to go to a doctor. I don't want anyone touching me."

"I know, but we have to make sure you're okay."

"But can't they just give me a shot to get rid of everything and not do anything else."

"I'm sure they'll draw blood but they need to check you to make sure you're okay...down there."

"I really don't want to go...please don't make me."

"We have to baby...it's the only way to know that you're okay. We probably need to get a whole physical done to make sure you don't have any broken bones or anything."

"I don't think I do but yesterday when Mama kicked me, it made my side hurt. It hurts when I breathe."

"Will you show me where?" T points to her ribs on the right side and I'm sure that something's either broken or at the least bruised.

"We're going to have to go now...you have to be able to breath and I'm scared something may be really wrong if it hurts that bad."

"Okay. But I don't think the doctor's office is open at night."

"That's okay...we'll go to urgent care...the people there are really nice and they'll get us in and out really quick."

Tiffany nods her head in agreement and heads upstairs with Gabi while I call Asia to see if she will come over and sit with her. I give her a brief update of everything that's happened, just to let her know why I need her to come to my house in the middle of the night. I really don't want to leave Gabi with anyone, even though I trust Asia won't do anything to her. Now I have to care for both T _and_ Gabi, so I need to make sure she doesn't see anything more than what she already has. It's no telling what all she's seen while living at home with those two pedophiles who like to imitate the WWF.

Once Asia arrives, I promise her that I will give her the full story but that my priority was to get T to a doctor to make sure she's okay. Of course, she's very understanding and wants the best for T as well then asks me if I have everything that I will need to take her to be checked out. Honestly, I've never taken a child to the doctor, and I forgot that I would have to have any proof of insurance for her, although I am willing to pay for it. I ask her to keep an eye on both girls while I run to my mother's home to get both T's and Gabi's insurance card, in which she agrees. I should get clothes for them while I'm there, but I know that I won't be able to control my anger long enough to get everything that they'll need. I think it'll be best to have someone came back with me, when I get their clothes, so I won't kill Keisha and/or Mama.

Arriving at Mama's house, I knock on the door and wait for an answer. To my surprise, Keisha comes to the door, and instinctly at the sight of her, I punch her in her face. Bloods squirts from her nose and I'm sure it's broken but that's not my concern at the moment. Mama comes running to the door at the sound of Keisha's scream and asks me, "Lisa, what the hell did you do?"

"Shut up Leslie....get me Gabi and T's medical insurance card...I'll come back later for their clothes."

"The hell you will...bring my kids home now!"

"I'm not bringing them back for you to abuse and molest them whenever you feel like it. T told me about you beating her. I think when you stomped her yesterday you broke her rib."

"Tiffany is lying...I did not stomp her. She fell and hit my foot."

"Fuck you...that was a dumb ass lie before you even started to say it...get the cards or I'm coming in and I'll tear this bitch up, to find them myself."

"Lisa you're doing too much. You're making too big of a deal out of nothing."

"How would you like it if you were raped and beaten repeatedly? _I_ think it's a very big deal and if you don't get the cards, we're going to see how much the police feel that it's a big deal when I tell them about two women who repeatedly beat and rape children." Now as far as I know, nothing has ever happened to Gabi, but she doesn't know what the girls have told me and she's not bold enough to call my bluff.

"Alright...I'll get them. But you have to talk to me eventually...they are my kids and it's kidnapping if you keep them away from me." As soon as she heard the word police...I knew she would back down.

"Yeah we'll talk about it....later." I tell her and she bends over to pick Keisha up off the floor. Stupid bitch...I should've kicked her while she was laying there but I have more important things to do tonight. Trust me...I'm saving her ass whooping for her. Mama returns and hands me the cards.

"Lisa when can we talk?"

"Pack up the girls' clothes and I'll be back tomorrow to get them...if I feel like talking, we'll talk then."

"Are you going to call the police???" She asks frantically.

What...the...fuck? All she's worried about is the police. She didn't even ask how the girls were doing. I know Mama's been stressed and has been drinking and smoking weed on a regular basis, but for her not to have any compassion or regard to how her own children are doing makes me wonder if she is on some other type of drugs.

"All you care about is yourself...you are so damn selfish." I say as I walk away, disappointed at who the woman I thought was my mother has turned out to be. Shaking my head and remembering why I came over in the first place, I look at the cards in my hand to make sure they're the ones I need and run full speed back to my car. Speeding off I make it home in 6 minutes, for a ride that usually takes 15, and get Tiffany inside the car within minutes racing off to urgent care.

TIFFANY

We've been sitting at urgent care for what seems like forever ad I really just want to go home. Finally, a lady in scrubs opens a door and calls my name. Lisa gets up and pushes me towards the door but fear won't let my legs move.

"Come on T...they're ready for us." I can hear Lisa talking but I can't get my feet to move; so she grabs my hand and pulls me towards the offices inside. My hands are sweating and Lisa's hand is slipping from mine. Afraid that she'll let go, I grab Lisa's hand with both of my and hold on tight. I just noticed we've stopped and I hear Lisa say, "T get up on the scale." Slowly stepping up, the nurse lady says, "Ma'am you'll have to let go of her hand. "Sorry" I hear Lisa say and I feel her pulling her hand away from mine. I look down at our hands and realize that I was holding her hand so tight that her fingers have begun to turn purple, so I let her hand go.

"Ok, just follow me to the exam room and I'll get you settled in before the doctor comes in to see you."

We enter a room with a tall table and a small stool beside it and a sink across the room from the table. I don't like it in here. The nurse tells me sit on the table and she puts a thermometer in my mouth and then put a thick band around my arm that squeezes it really tight.

"Any recent cold or contagious sickness?"

"No" Lisa replies

"Any allergies or diagnosed medical issues?"

"No" Lisa says again. "Umm...strawberries."

"Last period?"

Lisa looks at me and I can tell that she sees that my face has turned a bright red. God please let his be over soon so...this is humiliating. "It ended yesterday."

"Any medications, birth control, herbal substances?" Lisa replies with a no.

"Everything looks good. The doctor will be in shortly."

Again we sit and wait forever until the doctor finally comes in with the same nurse. "Hello ladies...so your readings look well...but you're having a little trouble breathing?"

"Yes."

"Let's take a listen to your lungs and see how they sound." He puts his heart thing on my chest and back telling me to breath in deep and tears flood my eyes as the pain sears through me. I shut my eyes really tight and when I open them, I see Lisa is silently crying.

"Your breathing is a little labored."

"My side hurts." I whimper barely able to get it out because of the pain.

"Well let's take a feel." I flinch as soon as he places his hand on my side. Nervous that he'll hurt it even more.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Looking at Lisa for guidance, she says, "She was attacked."

"Have you notified the police?"

"No...I just wanted her to get seen as fast as possible so that I could make sure she's okay."

"Okay. Tiffany can you lie back for me?" Immediately my tears come again and I'm nervous. Lisa walks up to me and holds my hand. As he pushes on my stomach and sides, he tells Lisa, "If it makes it easier for you, we could notify law enforcement of the attack."

"Yes, thank you." Lisa says and her tears continue to fall on my hand.

Lisa was with me the entire time they did the exam and I think that's the only way I got through it. She held my hand and stayed with me, even when the doctor asked her to leave. She never looked at me like she was disgusted or hated me, but like she was in just as much pain as I was. I can't remember or understand all that the doctor said but I do remember he said that from my pelvic exam that it was found that something was torn, that I had bruising from forced entry, and that one of my ribs on my right side was broken. He told her to make sure my stomach does not fully bruise...something about internal bleeding and a lot of more stuff I couldn't understand. I guess it was pretty bad though because Lisa couldn't stop crying. They took a lot of pictures of me and said that they would tell the police...but I don't know if I'm okay with that or not. I know Mama and Keisha should be punished for what they did but I don't want Mama to go to jail. Keisha...I don't mind if she goes. But really, if I would have just listened to Mama she wouldn't have hit me, so it really isn't her fault.

***

On the way home, we stop to get something to eat for all of us, even Mrs. Lawrence. During the ride, I did some thinking and decided that I need to apologize to Mrs. Lawrence and Lisa for being so mean to them; but I don't know what to say. I'll think about it tonight and do it tomorrow.

Oh god! I hope Lisa didn't tell Mrs. Lawrence what happened. I don't want her to think I'm nasty and I definitely don't want anyone at school to know. "Elle?" Lisa stares out the window and doesn't answer. Awww man...she's mad at me...wait I didn't even do anything this time...did I? Staring at Lisa I try to think about what I could've done to make her mad.

I can't think of anything! I already feel the tears burning my eyes and nose and try to stop them. The harder I try, the more they burn. I hate that I cry about everything...it's so embarrassing. Okay Tiffany, think of happy thoughts....puppies, and flowers, and ice cream...nothings working. I can't help it....I have to let the tears out before my head explodes.

Lisa looks at me and asks "What's wrong???"

"I'm sorry!"

"Sorry about what....you've done nothing wrong."

"Well why are you mad at me...why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm sorry T! I must have been in my own world...I wasn't ignoring you. I didn't hear you."

"Oh." Tiffany, you're an idiot!!! My crying subsides now that I know that Elle isn't mad at me.

"What did you want?"

"I forgot." Lisa chuckles and continues to her house.

Oh yeah now I remember. "Elle?" I say loudly so she will hear me this time.

Turning down the radio Lisa says, "Yeah?"

"Did you tell Mrs. Lawrence, I mean about what happened?"

Lisa looks at me like she's shocked and says, "Not everything...not much, just why I had to take you to the doctor."

"Oh." God she's going to hate me! I don't think I can look at her now that she knows. She's going to think that I'm like Keisha and be afraid to be around me. Again I start crying because of embarrassment this time.

"T, she won't tell anybody."

"But she's going to hate me and not want to be around me."

"No she won't...I promise you. Plus, she already likes you and she knows a lot of teenagers who this has happened to and she doesn't hate them."

"Oh...okay." Not sure if that's really true. "Is Mama going to go to jail?"

"I don't know baby, but both her and Keisha deserve it for what they did to you. I'm sure you don't want Mama to go to jail...but it may happen because you can't treat people like that. You have to treat people with respect." That makes sense...but I still don't want Mama in jail.

***

After we finish eating, Lisa tells me and Gabi to go upstairs and put on out pajamas.Forgetting that we did not get any clothes, I go back downstairs and tell her that we don't have any clothes.

"Oh yeah...I forgot to get some."

"You can run and get some if you want to...I don't mind staying with them until you get back." Mrs. Lawrence says. I wonder if she's always this nice.

"No girl...if I go back over there tonight, I may kill somebody and I am too cute to go to jail. I planned on going and getting all of their stuff tomorrow anyway so I'll just get it then. I may need you to go with me though or babysit while I get someone else to go with me."

"Ok...I can do whatever you need me to do...just let me know." Mrs. Lawrence says.

"Good, if you don't mind could you stay with them....right now you are the only person I trust around them."

"Yeah, that'll be fine. Just let me know what time."

"T, for now just put on some of my pajamas and give Gabi a shirt to sleep in...put her on the smallest one you can find."

Okay...I say as I slowly go back upstairs and hear Mrs. Lawrence ask, "So what did the doctor say?" I am so embarrassed! I wish Lisa wouldn't have told her.

***

I hear Lisa and Mrs. Lawrence come upstairs and I quickly jump under the covers, sending a lightning bolt of pain through my side so sharp that I almost fall to the floor. I hate that Lisa only has tank top shirts with no sleeves to sleep in. Mrs. Lawrence is staring at me with her mouth stuck open like she is saying "oh" while she looks at all the bruises on my exposed skin. Embarrassment consumes my face and I feel it turning a bright shade of red and I wish she hadn't have seen me!

"Tiffany, I wanted to tell you bye before I left." She hugs me whispering in my ear "Everything's going to be okay sweetie." And I feel a sense of relief. Maybe she doesn't hate me.

Lisa says she going to walk Mrs. Lawrence to the door and Mrs. Lawrence leans over me and kisses Gabi on the cheek before she leaves. She and Lisa walk downstairs and I hear Lisa tell her, "Thank you...I'm sure that means a lot to her." And it does.

Seconds later Lisa comes back in and tells me "I know you're tired but we'll go to bed in a minute. I have something I need to ask you."

"Okay."

"Two things really...."

"Okay."

"Did Keisha make you do things to her?"

"Sometimes...but not a lot. I think she would get mad because I cried. I tried not to but I couldn't stop."

"It's okay. We don't have to talk about it."

"No, I want to." For some reason, I feel like I need to tell her. Lisa looks shocked but says okay and comes and sits beside me. Scooting over I tell her "She would make me touch her...down there...and kiss it."

One time someone told me if you talk about stuff it will make you feel better...I can't remember who it was but I'll tell her because I want to feel better. "I didn't like to do it...I swear I didn't, but she made me. I hate Keisha! But sometimes she would take up for me and stop Mama when she got really mad."

"I know baby. I feel like I hate them too. Anything else you want to tell me?"

"Yeah...I promise I kept Gabi safe."

"I know. And you did a good job sweetie. I promise...you did really good. Now this is the last thing I'm going to ask you tonight...I promise."

"What?"

"Can I take pictures? We need to have pictures in case we need them later or the police need them. I promise you won't have to take off all your clothes...just enough to see the bruises."

"Okay, but you won't show them to everybody will you?"

"No! Only the people who need to see them and nobody else."

"Okay."

"Are you sure you're okay with it?"

"Yes, if it means it'll stop Keisha or Mama from doing it again." I get up slowly...my side is killing me but I try not to let it show. Taking off my shirt and shorts, I show Lisa the bruises and I can tell by the look on her face that she's shocked.

"T baby....I am so sorry this happened to you."

"It's okay...it's not like you did anything to me."

"I know, but you don't deserve this."

"Well if I had just listened to Mama like she said, it wouldn't have happened so..."

"No! No T! Listen to me. What happened to you has nothing to do with what you did or did not do! Mama and Keisha are sick and they would have found a way to do it no matter what you did. They're sick and they need help."

I'm not sure I completely believe this but I guess Lisa could be right. I mean, she's never lied to me before and I don't think she is now. "Can we go to bed now? I'm tired."

"Yeah, but I better sleep in the middle. We don't want Gabi kicking you in your side while you sleep. I guess we're going to have to come up with a better sleeping arrangement soon."

"Can Gabi still sleep with me?"

"Well...I guess for a little while, but eventually she'll need to be in her own bed."

"Ok...night Elle."

"Night T."

LISA

Asia arrives as soon as we finish lunch and sits and talks with Gabi and T while I finish washing dishes. I think it'll take a while for T to realize that she does not have to cook every meal, serve us, and clean up constantly, because it was a battle to get her to understand it today. She deserves to be a carefree teenager and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that happens. My worries ease up a little when I hear them laughing in the living room. It's been a while since I've heard T _really_ laugh and it hits me so hard that I don't have a chance to stop my tears.

After finishing the dishes, I tell T to go upstairs and shower realizing that she's still a teenager and has to be reminded of the little things. After she finishes, I help Gabi with her bath making sure that she actually gets clean rather than just playing in the water. I never realized how much goes into being a parent and you constantly having to repeat the same things over and over. I'm still not completely comfortable with leaving the girls, and I trust Asia, but I wanted to make sure both of them are bathed before I left.

I didn't plan on going to Mama's house alone, but after seeing how upset Tiffany was about me telling Asia what happened, I didn't want to take the chance of taking someone other than Asia along and they hear about what's going on. Asia's really the only person I trust right now, and although I would like her to go with me...mainly to prevent me from committing murder, I need her here with the girls more than I need her with me. She's been such a good friend and has been so helpful, that I feel guilty because I'm taking her away from her life and her husband. But I feel like everyone I know and trust are questionable now and I don't know who to trust.

***

Arriving at Mama's, I hope that neither she nor Keisha is here but seeing that it's Saturday, chances are slim. Knocking on the door, Mama answers and walks off in a huff. I know this heifer is not acting like she's mad!!! I really wanted Mama to just give me their stuff so I could leave, but she has left me no choice but to enter the house since she's stormed off. To get this whole event over with, I ask if she's gotten their things together. The less I talk to her the better for both of us.

"No." she replies with no emotion.

"I told you I was coming by today to get their stuff...why didn't you get it together?"

"If _you_ want it, _you_ get it." Disgusted with Mama, I ignore her and head towards the back bedrooms. I get to Gabi's room first and get together as many clothes as I can; stuffing them in as many of her bags as I can find. I guess I should have planned this better because all of the bags that Gabi have are so small that they only hold a few pieces of clothes. I could've brought my own suitcase if I had known that Mama was going to be an ass today. I quickly take Gabi's bags to my car and return to get T's clothes, but this time Mama follows me and watches me as I get T's things. "You know this is kidnapping right?"

"NO! I'm protecting your children, what you should've done, from two pedophiles."

"I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE!!! I NEVER TOUCHED THEM!!!" she yells with so much drama it's sickening.

"Yes you are, because you allowed it to happen. But then again you prefer beating on a child more, I guess huh?"

"Stop saying that shit! I did not beat her! I disciplined her. She needs to be taught that she has to listen to adults and that's what I was doing until you interfered."

"NO MAMA, YOU BEAT HER! Do you know you broke her rib?"

"What...what....I....I didn't know. I didn't mean to."

"Well that's what happens when you fight a child like a grown man." I finish getting all of T's clothes and a few items she may want. Heading to the door to leave, but before I do I tell Mama, "She was examined last night at the hospital and you and your sick friend took her innocence. And just so you know, the police will be notified by the hospital today, if they haven't done so already. So you should be contacted soon. And I plan to file for custody next week so that my sisters will _not_ be orphans when their mother is arrested and sent to rot in jail."

Mama becomes hysterical, which I expected as soon as she heard about the police. "Lisa I'm sorry. I needed Keisha to stay and that was the only way she would. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"But you could have stopped it from happening! You didn't even try."

"I know I should have but I got caught up!"

"Wow...caught up? Why did you _need_ Keisha to stay? Weren't your daughters more important than your friend?"

"Lisa, I have a problem. I can't stop drinking and Keisha would keep me supplied with everything so that she could stay here. I need help getting better."

"So, just because you're an alcoholic it makes it okay for Keisha to do whatever she wanted to...whenever she wanted to, to your kids? You really are sick!"

"NO! Not Gabi...she never did anything to Gabi."

"So that makes it better?"

"No! But T is older."

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! Just because she's older than Gabi doesn't give you the right to allow her to be raped repeatedly!"

"Look, I just need your help to get clean so that I can get them back. I'll let you have them until I can get better...but I need your help!"

"Well you lost your chance for me to help you, so you're on your own...I have two girls to raise and I don't have the want or respect for you, to help you."

"LISA PLEASE!!!"

"No...get the help you need...please. But don't ask me for it."

"But I need my girls!"

"Well since you needed Keisha more, you lost them...but I hope you and Keisha are happy together. Actually, you'll probably be together for a long time since you'll both be in jail together. But then again, maybe it's best ya'll go to jail, because if not...I would surely kill both of you." And then I leave, ignoring Mama's pleas for me to help and save her. It breaks my heart to treat her like this but I can no longer worry about her. The well-being of Tiffany and Gabi's well-being is now my priority.

###

Note to the reader:

I really appreciate you taking the time to read this book. Please leave a review, good and bad, so I can know what you think. This is my first ever attempt at writing a book and I really enjoyed it. I love to read and get lost in books once I start...and one day I had the thought that since I love to read so much that possible I would enjoy to write one. Please overlook any errors, misspellings, or any part that seems to be too fake. I wrote and edited this book because it was something that captured my soul and brought it back to life, but it was done in complete secret because I know I'm not an author and rejection is a difficult thing to face. I am not embarrassed about writing a book like I said, this is my first attempt and everything was done on my own, so I'm still a little shy about it. But the main thing I would like a reader to take from the book is...children deserve love and respect. Please consider this when you raise your child and/or encounter children. We as adults shape who these children are going to grow up to be...we are the ones who are shaping our future society. So don't complain about them when they're older if you are the one screwing them up.

Innocence of the Innocent is 100% fiction, but I feel like my characters are real. As they developed while I wrote, for me, they become a part of my life. I wanted to know them personally and I could definitely feel that pain that they felt. I may be over confident in my book, but I love it and still haven't gotten tired of reading it. Again, the book is fiction but I hope that the message touches people and get them to understand the real life struggles that children go through every day. I have been in the social work field for almost 6 years and I want people to see the hurt that children go through every day and how much power that, we as adults, have over them. We are the ones with the power and some of us, have to stop abusing that power. I also want to convey that although they are children, they deserve love and respect and we should treat them how we would want to be treated. Dependent upon reviews, I plan to continue to write to further unveil sexual and physical abuse that children have to go through, mental health issues that children suffer from, mental health issues that parents have that affect children, and what we as a society can do to empower these children. I want to make people think about things and realize how fragile children are. But most of all I just want people to realize how they raise their children determines who they will be in the future. We as a society has to embrace the children who have suffered such tragedies and empower them to better than what they know. Please review...and thank you for reading first book!!!

###

Also by REAN:

Tattered Hearts...and Mind

Akira

I'm going to have a baby! I'm so excited!!! First things first...how are you going to get pregnant Akira? I mean, I know how to get pregnant. Well, I know the basics...and I'll figure out the rest later. Anyway, the most important thing I have to figure out is who the daddy's going to be. And I'll have to get a job...and then a house...wow...this may be little more difficult than I thought! And I'll have to learn how to take care of a baby...but that one should be pretty easy...I mean come on...it can't be that hard to take care of a little bitty baby. People do it all the time and they make it look pretty easy.

Okay...well, technically I do have a house...even though I don't own it. The point is, I have a roof over my head. And I can easily get a job...but I may have to wait a year or two. Nobody hires pregnant women...I guess it's too much trouble. No worries though, I would prefer to stay at home with the baby until he or she is old enough to go to daycare. I wonder how old babies have to be to go to daycare. I don't know...I'll look it up on the internet in a little while. I still have a while to figure out all of that anyway. Maybe I need to write all of this down so I don't forget anything. I'm going to have a baby! I'm so excited!!!

"Baby, come here for a minute!!!" Hearing my summons, I quickly jump from my bed and run downstairs. "What do you want to eat for dinner?"

"Spaghetti!"

"I was thinking we could go out and get something to eat."

"Oh...well we can. I just have to tell Tianna. Can she come with us?"

"Maybe next time...I want to talk to you about something."

"What did I do this time?"

"Nothing...I just need to talk to you about some things and I thought it would be best if we spent some time away from the house. Just us two...and without the kids."

"Ok." Returning to my room I tell Tianna that we're going out for dinner and that she's welcome to go next time.

Tianna and I are best friends and have been since the day we met seven years ago. We're like twins...all of our free time is spent together and we share all of our secrets, fears, and dreams. She's the one person that I know that I can trust with any and everything and she's the same way with me.

Tianna's one of those people that when she enters a room, she instantly lightens the mood and becomes the center of attention. She's always in good spirits, ready to fight at the drop of the hate for anyone she loves, and is loyal to the core. Most of the time when we meet people, they're shocked that we're even friends, because we're total opposites...I'm the quiet type. I prefer to keep the attention off of me, but that's kind of hard to do since we're pretty much glued to each other. And fighting...please! I think the last time I got into any kind of fight, physical or verbal, was in elementary school! Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing soft about me. If it comes to it and I have to fight...it is what it is and I will go hard! But I prefer not to. I try to treat people how I want to be treated, and I try to watch my mouth to not make anyone mad or hurt their feelings. That's just how my Mama raised me. But according to Tianna, I'm "a good two shoes." Maybe I am but hey, it's gotten me this far in life and if I must say, I have a pretty damn good life right now.

"Okay girl...I'll see you tomorrow. Call me later if ya'll get back early. Have fun!"

"Okay...I'll walk you to the door." As I close the door behind Tianna, I return to the living room and announce, "I'm ready when you are."

"Okay. Let's go." We both kiss and hug the twins good-bye and tell our nanny Erica bye as well. The twins are almost two years old and I love them to death! I always thought that little kids were annoying but after the twins were born I fell in love. I'm still not too fond of other's people's kids, especially when they're crying and screaming for no reason, but Amari and Amani never do that. They're good kids...they hardly ever cry and they don't do things like having a fit in the grocery store like other kids you see. I can honestly say that nothing they do bothers me. They're perfect in my eyes!

"So, where are we going?" I ask from the passenger seat of our new truck. I've always fantasized about having a truck so big that I would literally have to climb in it. I think I like the fact that if you want to drive over curbs or through ditches, you can do it with a truck like this and not worry about getting stuck.

"It's a surprise. How was your day?"

"It was okay...nothing special...how about yours?"

"Work was good...no major problems but I'm glad that it's the weekend though. I'm ready to spend time with my family!"

"Awww so sentimental....you're going to make me sick." We both laugh, as I joke. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Let's wait until we get to the restaurant."

"Ok." I'm eager to know what the secret is. As we drive to our secret destination, I rack my brain trying to think of what I could have done or what the problem may be. I can't think of anything out of the ordinary. I begin to drift off trying to come up with a strategy for my new plan.

"We're here."

Looking up, I didn't even realize that I'd gotten lost in my thoughts and we've already arrived at my favorite restaurant. Yes! I thought I had done something wrong but now that we've gotten here, I guess I did something really right to get this special treatment. "What's the special occasion?"

"Nothing baby...I told you, I just want us to have some time alone."

We enter and the waitress leads us to our table. Typically I like to sit at the bar and eat, but she seats us in a booth by the window. I don't like sitting by the window because it's always too cold and I hate being cold. But, when I'm stressed or just need to think, my favorite thing to do is to just stare out of a window and watch the cars pass by wondering where they're going. As each car passes, my stress, anger, depression, or whatever seems to just fade away. But I absolutely hate sitting by the windows in restaurants! Had I been a fortune teller, I would have known that us being seated by the window was a bad sign, but I didn't realize it until halfway through out meal when I got those dreaded words.

"So....I wanted to talk to you about..."

"Yeah?"

"Ok...this is going to be a little difficult but I don't want you to freak out and I need you to be very open-minded, ok?"

"Umm ok...what is it?"

"I wanted to talk to you about...some changes that are going to be happening pretty soon."

Oh shit...I know this isn't what I think it is! Please Lord don't let this be happening! "Can we wait until we get home to talk about this. I don't think this is the best time." I say, hoping that that will stop the conversation. I look around the restaurant and make a motion to show other people are around and that such a sensitive subject shouldn't be spoken in public.

The second "sign" I should've seen that this dinner was not going to be what I expected was that all the patrons in the restaurant seemed to be avoiding us like the plague. Everyone was either seated at the bar, that seemed to be a half a mile away from us, or at tables beside the bar...we were isolated. Not one person in the whole damn restaurant was close enough to us to hear us...even if we screamed!

"No one's sitting close enough to hear what we're talking about. Plus, I've been putting this off long enough."

Shit, shit, shit....not today! My palms begin to sweat and I lift my right hand from the table to rub it on my thigh to wipe away the moisture. When I lift my hand, I see that where my hand was on the table has left a sweaty hand print. Shoo...we haven't even started talking and my nerves are already getting bad. I'm getting more and more anxious by the minute, and my adrenaline is rushing through my body. I can feel my face burning from my blood pressure rising! Unwrapping my silverware, I take the napkin and wipe the sweat from my hands and forehead and take off my jacket. "Whoo, I just got hot all of a sudden!"

"Oh stop being so dramatic...you don't even know what I'm going to say."

"Yes I do and if you say it, I promise, I will die right here. Please let's wait until we get home."

"No...we have to talk about this now..." Dropping my head on the table: it causes a loud thud. Damn that hurt! I really didn't mean to do it that hard, it was supposed to be just for dramatic effect, but I hit it too hard and now the damn thing is throbbing. I know, once I lift my head I'm going to have a huge knot on it...or at least a red mark. "Get up! People are looking over here. Stop it right now!"

Before I can lift my head, I hear the waitress say, "Is everything okay? Do you need me to call 911?"

"No...we're fine."

I lift my head and dramatically say, "Yes! I'm dying...please call 911!" I guess the bitch didn't believe me, because she laughed at me and left saying to call her if we needed anything. I should've tripped her when she walked away!

"I'm going to kill you...stop being dramatic! We're going to talk about this and that's the end of it."

"Fine..."

"I know you're getting older and you see things are changing...and I wanted to just tell you what's going on."

"I know Mama...I'm going through puberty, getting boobs and stuff, but please stop embarrassing me and let's not do this here."

Yes, my mother! I guess I should back up and explain a little. I'm Akira and the lady sitting across from me is my mother Alyssa. Apparently, she felt the need to trick me by taking me to my favorite restaurant and embarrassing me in front of all these people. I knew eventually she would give me the sex talk but I didn't think it would be today. Every since I started getting boobs, she always telling me about making sure I'm covered up and constantly asking about if there's any boys at my school that I like. I have a really good relationship with my mom and tell her everything...she's almost my best friend. She's not like the mom's the kids at my school talk about. They always say their moms are mean, won't let them do things, smothers them...things like that but my mom's not like that, she's pretty cool. She's always nice to everyone and if she see's someone upset, she does everything she can to make them feel better. Sometimes she does get mad, but she never yells. She's pretty much always calm. Honestly, I think my mom is probably the best mom in the world which is why I consider her almost my best friend.

"But that's not all. Yes the physical changes are happening but there's some stuff inside of you going on and that's the scary stuff...for me it is." What stuff going on inside? Now she's got me curious. "You have hormones raging through your body right now, which is what's causing the physical changes, but there's also some changes that going to happen inside that will be coming soon and I want you to be prepared for that."

"Like what?"

"Well you're going to start feeling differently...when you look at people, when you talk to people, when you're touched."

"Whoa, now lady! There is no touching. I'm not having sex." Okay, I know it's hard to believe a teenager not having sex, but I was being honest when I said there's no touching going on. I've never done anything with a boy...not even kissed a boy....and I'm 12 years old! There's some girls at my school who've already slept with lots of boys, but I haven't even kissed a boy...yet. Which reminds me that I have a goal...now that I think about it....maybe this little talk can help me out with my goal.

A look of relief washes over my mother's face and she says "Good!"

"Honestly Mama, I don't even know what sex is." She looks at me and I can tell if she is trying to see if I'm telling the truth. Mama knows I've never lied to her. Now don't get me wrong, I have left out things and not told her things that I've done, but I'm always truthful with her...when she asks. I'm not sure why she hasn't said anything about all this before, but since she brought it up; I have to take this opportunity. She's made this just too perfect! I put on my most innocent face and ask, "How do you have sex?"

Shocked she say, "Wait a minute! We'll get to that later...maybe years later, but for now you just don't try it. Let me explain the changes first so that you will be ready."

It was actually a pretty informative lesson and I think she was more uncomfortable with talking about it than I was. I made sure that I listened to everything she said and stored it in my brain, because all of it was going to be put to good use...very soon.

The most important thing I learned is that something called a cycle will let me know when I can start having babies. I'm kind of glad we're having this conversation because I didn't even know that a cycle had to tell you before you could have a baby. I'm still not 100% sure how I'm going to know that my cycle has told me yet but she said it should be soon. Now, I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, and Mama knows it too, but I still don't want to look dumb in front of her, so I don't ask the question that's burning me inside. If I don't hear from my cycle soon; I guess I'll ask her then.

***

We're headed back in the house and I stop Mama before we get all the way inside because I still don't know how to have sex. I know she doesn't want to tell me but I have to find out. "Mama, I do have one more question."

Sitting on the stairs, Mama grabs my hand and pulls me down beside her. Rubbing my hand and looking at my friendship ring that Tianna gave me, she says, "I know what you're going to ask."

"Please tell me. I'm going to find out one day anyway."

"I know baby but I would rather that day be twenty years from now when you're on your honeymoon...and maybe not even then."

Laughing I squeal, "Mama! I'm growing up, you have to let me. At least I'm asking you and not the kids at school. You know, most of my friends have already had sex and they do all kinds of stuff with each other but I haven't. That has to mean something right?"

"Yeah...it means you're a good girl. But I'm not ready."

"Mama, it's not about you being ready. It's about me being ready to grow up and it's your job to teach me." Yeah, I know that was a dirty shot, but oh well. I'm not trying to make her feel guilty, but she has to tell me how so that I can have a baby.

"You're right Akira. But sex is something you have to be sure you're ready for and you're definitely not at that point yet..."

"I know all that Mama, I just want to knowhow."

"Why does it matter so much Akira?" She looks at me with desperate eyes. "Do you plan on having sex soon?"

Shit...I didn't expect her to ask me that! I should have just kept my mouth shut and found out on my own. Too late now. Okay, think Akira! You're not going to lie to her...you haven't before and you're not going to start now...but you can't tell her yes either. "No...I just don't know what it is." Technically, it wasn't a lie because I have to wait for the cycle to tell me that I can have a baby and I don't even know when that'll be. I wonder if my cycle will send me a letter in the mail, or a text or something to let me know. If I don't get it soon, I'll ask Mama then.

""Let me think about it for a few days and I'll let you know then."

"Why do you have to wait to tell me about it? If you're going to tell me in a few days, you might as well just tell me now."

"Because I don't think you're ready for that yet."

"Ok."

"Do you have any more questions?"

I do have one more question but I don't want her to think I'm dumb. Like I said, if I don't hear from my cycle soon, I'll ask her how I'll know...but then again, she seems to be getting suspicious. But maybe Tianna will know! "No ma'am."

Alyssa

"Hey babe!"

"Hey sweetie."

"Did you and Akira have a nice dinner? You should have told me ya'll were going, I would have went with ya'll." My husband Paul tells says.

"Yeah it was good...but I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted to go."

"Why not?"

"Because we had 'the talk'."

"Whoa! Gross!"

"Shut up. You know it's something that needed to be done. Have you seen her body lately?"

"Alyssa! I don't look at her like that!"

"I know that, I'm just saying...it's hard to miss how she's changing."

"Well I missed it. I can't believe you would say that!"

"Oh please...you act like I accused you of something! I'm just saying that she's gone through some very noticeable changes and she's blossoming into a young woman."

"Alyssa I swear if you don't stop talking I'm going kill you." Paul says as he playfully tackles me onto the bed. Straddling me, he looks down at me smiling, but suddenly gets a solemn face.

"What is it baby?" I ask.

Rolling off of me and staring up at the ceiling he says, "Alyssa, this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. I mean, we all have our battles in life, but I just don't know what to do...I don't know if I can do this babe."

"Do what?"

"This teenage shit! Alyssa, Akira is my daughter; not being her biological father doesn't mean shit to me. Even when people look at me crazy when we're together, because they're probably thinking 'what is that white man doing with that black child?' It doesn't bother me. In my heart I know she's mine. Hell, they probably think I'm a pervert or something, but I don't care about all of that. I can deal with that stuff, because I'm proud when I'm out with Akira...but this I can't do. Now she has breasts and she's starting to look like a woman...and then there's going to be boys...I can't deal with that! I love you and all three of my kids with all my heart. I don't want to leave you and be put in jail for killing somebody's son.

"Oh Lord Paul...you're being so dramatic. This was bound to happen eventually."

"I know that but it's too soon! It seems like yesterday that she was my baby and now she growing into a woman."

Sitting up on the bed, I look at Paul and he has tears in his eyes. Now let me explain something...my husband doesn't cry! We've been married 7 years and I've only seen him cry once and that was when his grandmother died. He didn't even cry when the twins were born! This day has been a little too much for me! I wipe away the tears that have rolled down the side of his face and tell him, "Babe, it's not the end of the world. She's just growing up. Akira's a good girl...she has a good head on her shoulders and she knows right from wrong. We've raised her right and she'll make the right decisions when the time comes but it's up to us to make sure we instill in her the importance of her waiting."

"I know you're right but it still doesn't make me feel any better." He pouts and says to me, "she's smart like her Mama, she'll do fine right?"

I laugh a hearty laugh saying, "Well some statistics suggest that fathers have the most influence in a child's life." We both know that Akira is not the brightest child in the world and secretly we joke about it. Honestly I think my baby is perfect just the way she is...she's just a little goofy at times.

We're the type of family that jokes about everything. We have to or we won't survive. Our family may be one of the most difficult combinations there is. We've had many, many incidents where we've been targeted because we're an interracial couple. And to top it off, Paul, a white man from the deep south, married a single black mother. His family was really excited about that one! And the last kicker was our unique offspring, one black child and two biracial children. I think we tried to break every stereotype there is when we started our family. So, as a family, we try to make light of the trials and tribulations we've been through. We've learned to accept who we are because we can't make others change their views.

But of course, we don't outright tell any one of our children that they're dumb or stupid; but occasionally, we will joke with Akira that she's a little "goofy" at times. I'm a strong believer that we as parents have to encourage our children and build them up as much as possible...and we do that. But at the same time, as a mother, I can't raise Akira to think that one day she can the next president, because we all know that that is just a lie. I have to be realistic with her because once she's in the real world, the same thing will be told to her, only without the love and compassion a mother can give to her and still leave her self-esteem intact.

"I wholeheartedly agree babe, she gets her brains from me." Paul says as we laugh.

We lie there for a few more minutes and cuddle, because soon we'll have to start getting our troop ready for bed. Fridays are usually the only nights we get to stay up late, because Saturday nights we have to get in bed early for church. We're sticklers for attending church every Sunday morning, no matter what! The only exception is if the church burns down...then we can stay home. Typically on Fridays, like tonight, we rush the kids to bed early since the fun can't start until they're asleep' but both of us are either too tired or too lazy to get up.

Unknowingly, I begin to drift off to sleep until I hear Akira say, "Can Tianna stay over here this weekend?"

"Didn't she just stay last weekend?" Paul asks. "If she's going to be here every weekend she's going to have to start buying groceries."

"Daddy!!!"

Hitting Paul in the chest to stop her from teasing him I tell Akira, "She can stay tomorrow and go to church with us Sunday. I'm too tired to go get her tonight."

"Daddy, will you go get Tianna?" Akira asks in her sly way. She's always had Paul wrapped around her finger and he'll do anything the girl says as long as she bats her eyes at him.

Stammering, he looks at me because he knows he's been set up. Paul and Akira both know that he has no say-so whatsoever in who stays overnight because he won't be the one dealing with them. Tianna is really the only friend Akira's has had over in the past few years but when she does come, I'm the one who has to run them all over town and cater to them. Paul's a good dad and he has no problem taking them places, but spending all day with them and their non-stop chattering works his nerves. Some days he can tolerate them and the twins long enough for me to run an errand,, but nine times out of ten, if I leave the house, I have to take two of the four with me.

"It's up to your mother Akira." Poor baby, he tries to be diplomatic about it and back me up, no answer he gives would be the right one. It was a loaded question to begin with...sometimes I think Akira is really smarter than she pretends to be. But him saying it's up to me makes me the bad guy if I say no!

"Please Mama?!?! Daddy will pick Tianna up if you let her stay tonight."

"Yeah she can stay." I say and she runs out the room, probably to tell Tianna she can stay. I pinch Paul saying, "Thanks for nothing."

"What babe? I didn't know what else to say."

"Well you could have said no since I had already said no."

"I thought you said no because you were tired. You wouldn't have to pick her up if I was going to."

"You just have her spoiled. She could get away with murder if it were up to you."

"Come on Alyssa, you know there's no such thing as spoiling a child and you're damn right she could get away with murder with me. My baby wouldn't do anything to hurt anybody."

"You know what I mean. You let her get away with too much." Getting up to get the twins ready for bed I say, "I don't care though because I'm going to sleep and you have to go out in the cold and drive all the way across town since you said yes."

"Tianna just lives down the street...it's not all the way across town."

"I know where she lives but you have to go and get them some snacks and movies like every other weekend. And while you're out, you might as well get the grocery list and let them help you get the groceries since you'll already be there."

"Shit...I forgot about getting them snacks! Baby you sure you don't want to go?"

"Nope. You're the sucker...so you have to go...I'm going to bed."

"The hell you are." Paul says and pulls me back to the bed, jumping on top of me. "If I'm going to get groceries at this time of night, I'm going to be getting my own treats tonight."

"You are so nasty!" I squeal as Paul nibbles on my neck.

"Ewww. Stop it...you're gonna make me throw up." Akira says from the doorway.

Hopping off the bed Paul say, "Oh hush. You should be thanking me for letting Tianna stay over tonight rather than harassing me. You owe me."

"I won't have to owe you because you guys are going to have sex tonight." Akira says with a smile as big as her face and walks away.

Stunned, Paul and I look at one another and don't know what to say. "What???" is all Paul can sputter out.

"She scares me Paul." I say....maybe we shouldn't have had our talk so soon because it seems like she's now obsessed with sex.

"Hell me too!" He says and walks out the door scratching his head, which is his stress reliever when he gets nervous.

