Find out:
The Four Loves
The Bad that Can Come from the Loves
How to Keep the Loves Good
Right after this awesome intro:
The word “love” does a lot of work for
us now-a-days.
The Greek’s, though, had a different system,
which had love broken into four different
types – and C.S. Lewis, masterfully explains
them.
I’m Luke, this is Maddi, (give her her food)
here is three portions of healthy food and
here are 3 big ideas from The Four Loves by
C.S. Lewis.
The Four Loves
The four loves of the wise Greeks.
“It is to our emotions what soft slippers
and an easy, almost-worn-out chair and old
clothes are to our bodies.”
Storge.
The word of love most closely described as
affection.
It is born out of familiarity and is usually
considered best between mothers and children.
It develops over time and you only recognize
it when it has been going on for a while.
It’s the love within families or church
groups and has nothing to do with attributes.
You love “your people” with Storge.
Almost anyone can be loved with Storge.
Even between species.
Dog and man – and – dog and cat.
“it’s usually the humblest of loves, it
gives itself no airs.
Storge is modest, even furtive and shamefaced…”
The romantic love is face to face, Philia
is side by side.
Philia is friendship.
“To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the
happiest and most fully human of all loves;
the crown of life and the school of virtue.
The modern world, in comparison, ignores it.”
The Greeks valued Philia heavily.
They said that friendship has a comparable
importance to beauty and value.
It is developed under the pre-condition of
having an activity to do in common, then connecting
on a personal level.
“It is companionship or camaraderie developed
to a deeper level.”
“A man in love wants not a woman, but one
particular woman.”
Eros is the main thing we think about when
we say love now-a-days.
What rom-coms and soap operas are made about.
The love of romance and passion.
Like with Philia it is about the other person
but in a much different way.
Eros obliterates the concept of giving and
receiving.
And - it is not about happiness.
When experiencing Eros “we had rather share
unhappiness with the beloved than be happy
on any other terms.”
“We are all receiving Charity.
There is something in each of us that cannot
be naturally loved.”
Agape is the love of charity and goodness.
An unearned spiritual love that desires the
object’s good for the object’s sake.
A selfless love that is felt for the wellbeing
of others.
There are people you can’t feel Storge,
Philia or Eros for but you can practice Agape
to any person and any animal.
Love split into four makes it easier to understand
love.
And with this deeper look, we uncover a dark
side.
For those of us who have experienced it – we
are aware of atleast one thing.
But it’s more complicated than that, as
each type of love has its own flavor of ache.
Storge, the affectionate love born of familiarity,
naturally escalates and it “carries the
natural seeds of hatred.”
When given too much attention and assumed
as a right, say between family members, it
can lead to guilt and resentment.
Or when the oedipal mother, who relies on
the Storge of her child, squeezes her child
close to her with no intention of letting
go, she eventually ruins the life of the child
and then her own.
Bad Storge can lead to bad manners, possessiveness
and jealousy.
Philia or friendship can be dangerous because
it continuously strengthens the ideas and
actions you bonded over – and it doesn’t
correct for morality.
Friends give us moral support, or immoral
support.
Eros or the romantic love tends to fall in
love with itself.
“Eros, honored without reservation and obeyed
unconditionally, becomes a demon.”
When all faith is put into Eros, it gets short-sighted
and jealous.
Agape or charity isn’t inherently bad, we
just generally dislike it.
Giving it is great but receiving it can be
annoying.
“There’s that in the heart of every man
which resists and resents Agape from other
creatures.
A love unearned.
We naturally want to be desired, to be found
delightful… to satisfy worldly some hunger
in others.
To receive a love which is purely a gift,
which bears witness solely to the lovingness
of the giver and not at all to our loveliness,
is a severe mortification.”
(Don’t worry, I looked it up, that means
embarrassment)
“We desperately need to receive such love
but we don’t naturally want to”
Each love but Agape, when used as a crutch,
eventually cripples.
But have no fear; we can take measures to
avoid love-catastrophes.
You don’t perform a heist without knowing
where the alarm lasers are and you don’t
love without knowing where the alarm lasers
are.
Storge is tricky because it is born out of
familiarity.
The other person becomes a part of your environment,
so you want them to stay in your environment.
But to transform this from a love of just
affection to a love that is good for both
of you, you must desire for their own good,
not just your own status quo.
To keep Storge as a healthy love you must
add a dash of Agape.
To keep Philia from putting you in harm’s
way you must pick your friends carefully.
We all know at this point what good friends
are and what bad friends are.
Use your moral judgement to make sure you
have friends that will lift you up, not bring
you down.
Eros can stay healthy if you treat it with
some humor and keep it from being at the top
of the pyramid.
Romantic love is great, but it shouldn’t
be taken too seriously or be considered the
only thing that matters.
Agape is both good to practice and to have
practiced on us.
“This we must learn, first to believe, then
to endure then to delight in.
“
“Every listener who has had a good parent
or wife or husband or child, may be sure that
at times, he is the recipient of agape, love
not because he is loveable, but because love
itself is in the other party.”
The loves need “correction” “they need
the help of higher powers in order to remain
themselves.
The more we trust them to be self-sufficing,
self-corrective or self-perpetuating” the
more disappointed we will be.
Like a garden, a garden untended, left to
nature, will not be a garden for long.
Recap
There are 4 loves.
Storge is familiarity and affection and is
the base of the other loves.
Philia is friendship and should not be taken
lightly and is generally not even considered
a love at all.
Eros is the romantic love and is an obsession
with another person.
Agape is the charitable love for others that
makes the world go round.
The loves can be dangerous though.
Storge can become an addiction and ruin the
participant’s lives.
Philia can give evil strength.
Eros can prize itself and become jealous.
Our pride can keep us from receiving Agape,
which we all need.
To keep the loves from going sour we need
to tend them like gardens.
We must also care for those who we feel Storge
for.
We should choose friends who are good for
us.
Eros should be taken less seriously and not
put above the rest.
We must practice Agape in both pouring it
out and receiving it.
Wow.
I’d never read C.S. Lewis before.
There’s a reason he’s considered amazing.
When he’s not speaking in metaphor he’s
dropping a quotable, brilliant piece of word
art on your head.
Super interesting and it really gets you thinking.
If you get the audio book version you actually
get to listen to he himself read it, so that’s
pretty cool.
If you’ve got a book you’ve like us to
do a show on, leave it as a comment!
Thank you so much for watching, this is so
much fun to do with you.
Thanks, really.
We’re doing one more show after this one
and then Season 2 will be over.
Then we’ll keep putting videos out but they’ll
be different.
Probably some “best ofs” and then some
more experimental ones.
That’ll be through May and June, then we’ll
be back to The 3 Big Ideas Show for season
3.
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And-
We’ll see you next week!
Bye!
Bye!
