The relationship with my father,
he was basically absent
I only heard from him
in my early teen years.
When he was locked up,
he sent me a letter.
You know, this happened throughout
my teen years and made me
very, very angry.
And I found myself getting into
a lot of violent activities,
getting into that gang lifestyle
mentality, and it was really hard
because I held a lot of anger
because of my father's absence
and I feel like
I could have avoided a lot
of situations had he been there
to help my mom out.
Even avoiding foster care placement.
I put a lot of blame on my father
for his absence
I worked through a lot of that stuff
through the work that I do today,
specifically around the fatherhood
engagement trainings and
and the Fathers Nurturing program
that I run.
So with all the work that I do
the last 8 years around
fatherhood, I'm saying to myself,
what if I got these guys
when they were 8, 9, or 10
years old?
Well, I got my wish this past year
because I work with youth boys
in grade school who are,
from the third, fourth, and fifth grade,
who are absent a lot of times,
getting poor grades,
or gang affiliated and
selling drugs already.
My first day there, I'm asking them,
"you know, the reason why I was angry
when I came to this school,
is because my father wasn't there,
he wasn't really around, and
that really made me mad.
And I got in a lot of trouble in school.
So I'm just wondering how many
of you guys kind of feel
that same way."
Out of eight boys,
seven out of those eight
raised their hand.
And I said, "well, you guys
don't have to answer this next
question, but like me, my father
was really never there and never
around for me, and I'm just wondering
how many of you guys really don't have
a dad at home or somebody
you can really talk to that's a
male positive figure in your life."
Again, seven out of the eight.
So I knew right there
what I had to do with these boys.
So my commitment to these boys now
is to be a positive male role model
and I know how much that impacts children
because I have five children of my own.
And I can see the difference
from my first child, and how
my fathering practice has changed
over the next few years
through my next children
through this Fathers Nurturing program.
So I know how, as a child,
it affected me, I know now
how as a child it affects them,
and now I know as a father,
how I can work with both
children and fathers, and mothers,
families, social workers,
for the benefits of all children.
So that's why I do what I do,
and I love my job.
