How many people here like indoor games?
How many people like indoor games, just give me a cheer,
Just go like “Whooo!”
I love indoor games.
The reason I love indoor games is because I am very lazy,
Also, very competitive.
So I just decide who is better
over a game of Ludo.
And Ludo is the best game to play
because it’s pretty basic, you don’t need many skills to play.
For Ludo, you really only need four skills:
One of them is motor skills – did you manage to roll a 6?
Now the thing is that
my family is even more illiterate than I am.
So they all come together, for family gatherings.
Twenty people come together
and they play this game,
which is called Housie (Tambola).
Because as we all know, Housie (Tambola) requires no skills!
It requires only one skill,
which is hearing skill
and people fuck that up also.
One person has to stand up and yell out,
just like I am yelling out right now, "42, number 42!”
And housie, after a point
becomes Chinese Whispers.
After a point it is like
“What number? What number? What number?”
“42, 32, 22!”
“Un, Dos, Tres, Uno!”
My cousin grabbed the Uno and ran off!
It’s chaos in Housie! (Tambola)
The thing is they’ve kept so many prizes to be distributed
You know, “Top line, Bottom line, Quick 5”
Everybody is winning Housie (Tambola).
You ask me who’s the real loser? Everybody!
It’s because Housie as a game teaches you nothing,
to people who know nothing.
It’s perfect!
Every activity in this world teaches you something
Every activity, take any activity as an example.
For example, this activity, this show that’s going on
You are sitting here.
Suppose this show is going badly.
Suppose.
You know, it teaches you patience,
that, “Alright, we shouldn’t throw our chappals at her.”
But Housie. Play Housie for 10 years, without stopping.
On the 11th year, you can’t say,
“I’m a professional Housie player now.”
I love it. 20 fucking illiterate people.
20 fucking illiterate people come together,
and ask for 20 pens.
I’m like, “You should have asked for these many pens in school”
“You would have been playing Chess today instead.”
But the incredible thing is, they actually manage to get the 20 pens.
But only 10 of them actually work.
The others just end up making holes.
Like, “Today we will play Housie no matter what!”
After a point it’s like, “Pingu, you only tell me, what number is this?”
Pingu is like “88, I made a big hole there, see?”
I’m really mad at Housie, because, look at the game closely,
Making the entire game took them only 5 rupees.
It’s such a cheap game, you don't know if you have a 12 or a 21. It's a mess.
Look at the tickets in that game, they are so thin,
If water falls on it,
20 tickets will get destroyed together.
But, those people had a meeting, just like how we are sitting here.
They were like, “Sir, suppose we are playing Housie,"
and our number just isn’t coming,”
“what should we do?”
They came up with an idea,
and wrote quotes at the bottom.
So now, you are playing Housie, and your number isn’t coming,
and you are also illiterate,
but are quotes at the bottom like:
“Cheat on me once, shame on you”
“Cheat on me twice”
I’m like, why is my grandfather getting this breakup advice?
He’s just sitting there and yelling out, “Did 55 get called?”
“No child, forget CAA, did 55 get called out?”
That’s right, political joke.
Hits you out of nowhere, they’re like, “Whoo!”
Thank you!
But as I was speaking, my favourite game is Ludo.
Because, I’ve accepted this one thing in Ludo,
that, in Ludo, people with their heart in the right place just keep winning.
Only the people who have trusted God are winning Ludo.
Atheists just aren’t winning this game.
Because, how is it possible that I’m just not getting a 6?
And my brother gets a 6, another 6, and yet another 6?
After a point, he isn’t playing against anyone!
His four pieces have circled the board twice.
Like, “One of you, make it the fuck out!”
My mother comes in the middle of a game, makes comments, and leaves.
She comes and asks, “Do you feel anxiety while playing Ludo?”
I’m like, “Yes.”
My mother says, “We also feel the same when you go out of the house.”
Because that’s what Ludo is,
You have to get out of one house, and reach the other!
And if someone knocks you off in the middle,
how bad will you feel?
I’m like, “Mum, go back to playing Housie.”
