Greetings! It's been quite a while since the last Grumpy tune was published and you've
probably noticed there are now two Grumpies. This song was written by the ginger Grumpy
It's called 'Reading AR Theory' and it's sung to the tune of a song called Monto
which is generally done by the Dubliners. So if you want to hear the original, get onto
YouTube and you'll find it easily enough.
If you are a vegan, you may have read some Regan. 
Yes, I mispronounced it but I had to make it rhyme.
He says that our intelligence gives us greater moral relevance: 
From the lifeboat we can push the dog out every time.
Reading AR theory can make you feel quite weary 
When no one seems to have a sense of justice like your own.
But I have a solution for our moral evolution: 
Get yourselves acquainted with Francione.
I read some Peter Singer—another bad-news bringer. 
He thinks that most nonhumans have a lesser sense of self.
Once we treat them happily, it’s okay to exploit, you see, 
and package up their bodies for the supermarket shelf.
Reading AR theory will make you feel quite teary that
Most don't seem to recognise the rights nonhumans own.
A lot you’ll read is speciesist and welfarists don’t the gist,
So do yourselves a favour: read some Francione.
Until the twentieth century, that animals were property 
Was never even questioned—they all thought it was right.
That’s why we’re in this mess today, and veganism’s the only way 
To end the toothless SICs and welfarist shite.
Reading AR theory is never really dreary
Though those who speak for animals will sometimes make you groan.
‘Cause someone states they equally deserve not to be property .
"The baseline’s to be vegan," says Francione.
With sentience and the rights it brings, they are all persons and not things; 
We have a moral duty to leave them be.
Regardless of what humans accrue to take their rights will never do,
And it’s just impossible to do this humanely.
Reading AR theory can sometimes be quite cheery 
When someone speaks for justice and their name is widely known.
So if you want integrity just pop down to your library
And read the books there written by Francione.
There’s Bentham, Locke and Kant and Mill, and there’s enough to get your fill of Regan and of Singer, and we really think you ought
now sign up with the IVA to get your reading underway
And learn how animal interests are portrayed in Western thought.
So if you are a vegan, you may have read some Regan. 
You’ve heard of Peter Singer—his work is overblown.
Focus on the fact that education is the act that will
refine our sense of justice. Oh, and read some Francione!
