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Uh... this is actually my car...
XXL
Kind of a different one for you; it was certainly
a new one for me. There's a bit of build-up
to the good part, so bear with me:
I had just finished doing some holiday shopping
and after loading up my car I got a hankering
for something sweet and caffeinated from the
local Green Mermaid Coffee Shop. The closest
shop was clear on the other side of the massive
parking lot outside the big box store and
I thought "fuck it; I could stand to get a
little more cardio today," and I walked across
the lot from my car to get some coffee.
Here's where it gets interesting: So, it recently
rained for the first time in months where
I live, and I keep a little squeegee like
this one in my car, wrapped in a dirty, all-purpose
rag I've used in the past to clean my wiper
blades, polish my rims, and wipe the grime
from my hands after fiddling under the hood.
As I'm wiping the windows with the squeegee
in one hand and holding the rag in the other,
this minivan pulls up next to me and takes
the stall beside mine. As I'm finishing, the
driver hops out of her van and stops in front
of me with some cash in her hand. She'll be
playing the part of "Presumptuous Prude,"
or PP.
PP: When you're done here, could you do my
windows as well?
Me: Excuse me?
PP: crinkles nose Could you please wipe-down
my windows?
Me: Uh... sure, I guess.
PP: You can take this now and get to it when
you're finished with this person's car; that'd
be fine. I don't know how much they gave you,
but this should be enough.
Me: ...
PP: shakes cash at me impatiently
Me: Uh... this is my car, ma'am.
PP: hmph. Sure, whatever.
And she said it with this condescending sneer
that just got my hackles up. Thinking back
on it, I should have just taken her cash,
pocket it, climb into my car, and drive off.
Instead...
Me: Y'know I don't think so. Keep your cash.
PP: Oh don't be so proud. Take it and be happy
with what you get. I'm sure you need it, so
what's the big deal?
Me: Excuse you, but I own this car. I bought
it.
PP: Don't be rude; just take the cash and
wipe my car - that's how a business transaction
works.
And then she waved the cash at me like it
was a fucking bell calling a servant!
Me: Look, I'm just wiping down my car before
I drive home. Save your cash for somebody
who needs it.
PP: As if! There's no way someone like you
could afford anything but a bus ticket. You're
going to take this, wipe my car, and then
you can go back to your corner or wherever
you park yourself to shake people down for
change.
And that's when it hit me. I'm wearing a ratty
pair of tennis shoes I was planning on replacing
next month with my next paycheck, I have on
a pair of faded blue jeans and a red hoodie,
and for the past week I've been failing to
keep my hair and beard neat and tidy (studying
for finals means I cut some things from my
daily routine). The parking lot was covered
in dirty water, and after walking through
it my shoes were covered in wet silt and I
had some dark speckles on my jeans from puddle
splashes. I looked homeless; and using a squeegee
on my car with a dirty rag in my hand helped
complete the look.
I looked at the squeegee and the rag in my
hands, looked at this presumptuous bitch now
with a "well? I'm waiting" look on her face,
and I lost every last fuck I had to give.
Me: Go shove that wad up your twat, lady.
I'm going home.
I pulled my keys out of my pocket, opened
my door, and drove off as PP stood there with
a dumb-founded look on 
her face.
So you want
me to park? Alright then
L
This happened just a little bit ago and it
was pretty funny. It's the third time any
major IDWHL moment happened to me. So, of
course. Before we start please do beware of
mobile formatting issues, grammatical and
spelling errors and typos. If you are clear
with that, we shall start.
So, there's a small restaurant in the area
where I'm staying at that is said to be pretty
good. Me being too lazy to put in any effort
into making dinner decided to go and give
it a shot. Now, I could have picked something
more casual but I end up just going out in
my suit, which I was also too lazy to change
out of. I drove up there and parked at the
back of the lot and walked out front and at
this point comes the SG, for Stupid Guy. SG
pulled up in a car that looks suspiciously
like a Range Rover, just not quite, and got
out. I was on the phone texting then and he
went to stand in front of me, tapping his
shoes in the "I'm waiting" guesture but of
course, I didn't notice it because why the
heck would I have to care about some strangers.
This seem to have annoyed SG and eventually,
he snapped his finger at me.
SG: About time you do your god damn job you
s-ut.
Me: What?
SG Shoves a coat and keys at me : Park my
car.
Me: I'm not a valet.
SG: Bullsh-t, I came here yesterday and you
parked for me.
Me: I wasn't here yesterday, I don't even
work here you pr-ck.
SG: That's it, you lost your tip. I don't
know how brainless overused prostitutes like
you gets hired here. Now park the god damn
car. I need it at 11.
Me: speechless
And with that, he departs. I stood dumbfounded
for a moment, not knowing what to do until
I realize that if he thinks he can be a dick
to me, I shall be a b-tch to him. I got into
the car and drove it 2 blocks away and left
it at a non parking zone then I got out, leaving
all the electronics on and locking the door
before tossing the key into a trash can and
gave the coat to a homeless man a nearby.
I then proceed to return to the restaurant,
get my takeaway and then go on my merry way.
At the time of posting this it's still 10:30
where I live so it'd be another 30 minutes
until this a-hole realize that he was hit
by karma.
"How can you
help a customer when you have earbuds on?"
XXL
Just when you think it can't happen to you.
I was doing my normal food shopping at my
local Dollar store. Normally, I walk there
with earbuds in (playing some YouTube show's
audio or Bob Ross, depending on my mood).
I'm shopping, I feel I don't need to really
hear what's going on around me. Naturally,
I'll remove one earbud to say "Hello, how
are you?" to the cashier.
Don't wanna be THAT rude, lol. I'm just the
kind of guy who sometimes shuts out the world
around him.
Today was a day I should have super glued
my earbuds to my ears. I encountered an older
woman, probably 50s or 60s in the aisle I
was on. There are some days I'm pushing a
cart or carrying one of their smaller deals.
Today, I kept it simple. Ramen and Rice. We'll
do Steak and Lobster next week, tee hee hee.
(r/sarcasm?)
Through the sounds of some retro gaming shows
I'm playing through my earbuds, I hear an
"excuse me". I'm thinking I'm in her way of
something, so I step a few feet away. At this
point, my hands are somewhat full of the items
I want anyway, so I make my way to the register.
Not before this... individual pulls my earbuds
from my ears, and the following is uttered:
"How do you expect to hear anyone with those
ear things on?"
I respond with "that's the idea". I was a
bit pissed with my response since she grabbed
my earbuds the way she did, considering that
they've been rather faulty lately, and certain
movements cut out one side of the earbuds.
So I'd only hear out of the left side at times
and have to jiggle them to hear both sides
again. I was upset she may have damaged them
further.
Ok, another $8 set at Target. Not a big deal,
but still, don't touch my stuff, lady.
She didn't like my attitude or answer.
"W-what?!! That's not a way to treat a customer.
Who do you think you are?"
I wanted to say "a customer like you, but
with less wrinkles", but instead said "just
a customer like you, dear".
"You should address me as ma'am. Didn't the
manager here teach you anything about manners?"
"I do that at my own job. This isn't my job."
Not that I would go around stores saying "how
you doin', mama?" But you get the idea.
Now, you would think she'd realize her mistake
and flag down an actual employee.
Oh dear reader, how wrong you are.
"I've seen you here lots of times. I know
you work here!" she says.
I'm annoyed at her logic, or lack thereof.
"Does it look like I work here?" I'm rather
calm at this point because I know I'm not
in any kind of trouble, but still bothered
by her grabbing my earbuds.
"I'm wearing jeans and a shirt that...look..has
a small hole in it...see? I'm out shopping,
no one's gonna care what I'm wearing".
She's still not convinced. "You probably work
in the backroom or something."
"Umm no, I'm sure those guys wear uniforms,
too."
"Ugh, this is getting nowhere. If you're not
gonna help me, I'll speak to your supervisor
about you".
I decide to play along.
"Ya know what? Let's go find him or her together".
I haven't a clue who the manager is, male
or female. So I go to a register. The particular
cashier and I have become friendly enough
since I shop here frequently (not that kind
of friendly. I'm 40, old enough to be her
dad).
I lean over and say in a low voice... with
this annoying lady almost behind me:
"Morning hon, how are you? Listen, can you
get a manager to come up front for a sec,
please? I have a bit of a situation"
"Oh..ok, sure no problem". She calls for a
manager over the PA system.
Within 2 minutes, a manager arrives.
Manager says "hey (cashier), what's up?"
The lady jumps in with " I want you to either
discipline or fire this employee. He's wearing
headphones and ignoring customers".
Before the manager can respond with the answer
you Redditors have been waiting for (sorry
but he doesn't work here), I interrupt:
"She's right. I'm sorry there, mmmm (leaning
closer to read his nametag) Jeff (not his
real name). It was wrong of me to ignore this
customer. Let me remove my uniform and nametag
that doesn't exist, and I'll resign from this
imaginary job she thinks I have here".
I can see the manager trying not to snicker
as he now understands what's going on. The
lady is in a moment of stunned silence.
I continue with "now I'm just going to pay
for this stuff and go. No employee discount,
I'm good"
As my buddy, the cashier is ringing me up,
smiling and kinda giggling, I take two giant
steps backwards to the manager (who is about
to explain how I don't work here) and nudge
him whispering:
"Oh, and I think she's single. Go get er,
dude".
Yeah, it was a bit much, cause he replied,
waving his hand "okay okay, thank you".
So that's it. No police, no more confrontation.
The last I saw was "Jeff" walking with the
lady to help her with whatever she needed.
Next time I'm shopping here, I'm dressing
as a demonic clown.
Sometimes "I don't work here" works.
L
I used to work shifts and there was a 24 hour
supermarket on the way to work. It wasnt uncommon
for me to finish at 7pm and do a spot of shopping
on the way home.
One such occasion I was doing just this. The
supermarket had a co located liquor section.
The licencing rules meant that it had to be
physically separate with it's own register
from the supermarket but it was staffed by
the same people.
Someone had walked in and stolen two bottles
of Jim Beam and just stuck them down their
pants legs. Obvious as fuck you could see
the outline of the bottles.
Manager on duty was a 50ish lady, I knew her
as I was a regular. The Beam klepto was flatly
denying it after she intercepted him. "What
the fuck are you going to do about it lady?"
She can't physically touch him as, Australian
retail being what it is they'd fire her first.
Klepto knows this. The prick is laughing at
her.
The cops have been called but they're "too
busy". Australian cops as well..... good intentioned
but hopelessly under resourced and mired in
paperwork.
I've observed this and I'm pissed off. This
same manager has always provided me good service.
This cunt is mocking her. Fuck that.
So I leave my trolley and insert myself into
it. "Look, motherfucker, gimme the bottles!
This lady can't touch you..... but being as
I don't work here I fucking well can! Gimme!
"
He looks at me. Looks at her. An intelligent
thought finally crosses the path between the
two neurons that constitute his brain and
he acquiesced to my request.
"Now! Siddown right the fuck there and wait
for the cops!" And he again complies. Cops
finally arrived I make a quick statement.
Old mate as it turns out has priors and an
outstanding warrant; arrested and led away.
Lady manager asks for my name and details
for the incident report and I return to my
trolley for the rest of my shop. At the checkout
she hands me a box of Cadbury Favourites as
a thank you.
Remember that I am hosting a giveaway very
shortly once we reach 2500 subscribers, I
will be giving 4 Amazon gift cards and I hope
you will be able to participate and have fun
with these cards so make you are subscribed
and not miss out. I wish you all a beautiful
day, I hope you are doing your best to reach
your dreams, live a fulfilled life, have fun
and love the people around you.
