You are not responsible
for someone else's shit.
You can help them and you can love them
and you can support them,
but like people can work
their shit out themselves.
Don't ever feel like you have
to put up with someone's
stuff, cause you really don't.
Selfish originally came about
because I was just crying
in a session and I was just
ranting about my breakup
and how it all ended up like unfolding.
And my writers were basically
just like jogging down
everything I would say.
And then they were like,
"We have a song here." It
was just kind of, for me,
about channeling this sad
time that I went through
and making it something
that I could, you know,
channel into art.
I've tried so many times
to make things right
with you or like, or fix
you in any way that I can.
Cause I have this problem
where I like love brokenness.
I really felt like I was
trying to help this person
continuously and they didn't
really want to be helped
at the end. So that's kind
of what I meant by like
boy, you're such a lost cause.
Like you don't even wanna
get better or like evolve.
It definitely takes me a
while to cut people off.
I'm like a lover and I just love people,
especially when I have a romantic
connection with somebody,
I value that a lot. So for
me, it's really difficult
to really, really end
things with somebody.
Once you cross me in a certain
way or like do something
that, you know, crosses certain
lines, it's easier for me.
So a lot of men in my life have made
it pretty easy to be crossed off.
How in the hell are you
going to love someone else
if you don't even love
yourself? Like that's so true
and I think that it's
obviously a work in progress,
and it's such a hard thing to
really get to a point where
you could honestly say, "I love myself,"
and that's obviously everyone's end goal,
but it's a very hard goal
to achieve in reality.
There was a time where I was
with this person on New Year's
and I was completely like by myself
and felt really alone and sad
that I wasn't like with my boyfriend,
cause I was kind of not being
like paid attention to, sadly.
And I was definitely
thinking what the hell?
I always have this visual in my head
of like stitching someone together,
or like stitching arm like back together.
Like, I don't know why I
have this visual in my head.
You have to be really gentle and fragile
when you're doing that.
Like that's not something
that you can just rush through
or that's not something that you like ...
You have to take that seriously,
or you could really do damage to somebody.
You could make them lose an arm.
When you're trying to help
somebody and fix them,
and you're like trying to deep dive
on their deep rooted
issues in whatever way,
like that's a really fragile process
and that's something that I
think that I was trying to say
was like, I really
don't want to break you,
but I'm still trying to
stitch you back together,
like I'm trying to help you.
But unfortunately, like I
couldn't, and that sucked for me.
If I'm going to be completely honest,
this song was partially
written about my dad as well,
which a lot of people don't know
and it's something that I
haven't really spoken about,
because I don't want my dad feeling like
I was like dissing him,
cause obviously this is
like a negative song.
But my dad definitely has
a lot of traits that like
I feel like I try to help
him and fix him and whatever.
This line is kind of emotional
for me because I feel like
when in regards to my
dad, it's like the ...
it's not my responsibility
to fix you. You know?
And in regards to my
ex, it's the same thing.
There is something in me that's
this like inherent disease.
I'll say that I like feel
such soul connections
with certain people and it's a blessing
and it's a curse because if
I get to a point with you
where I'm like, "I think that we have
"like a cosmic connection and
like, this is some soul shit,"
like it's really, really
hard for me to cut it off.
Is my soulmate someone who's
going to treat me poorly?
"Is my soulmate someone who
would do this?" Like, cause
I think about that kind
of stuff a lot. And it was
definitely hard for me,
especially when I wrote this song,
to swallow the pill. Like even
if someone is your soulmate
and even if you feel like
they're your soulmate,
like if you're not being
treated right, like maybe
you shouldn't end up with
them, and that's kind of like
a sad reality that I've had
to face because, you know,
even though you're in
love with some people,
it doesn't mean that
you should be with them.
Kicking yourself in the butt, like,
"I don't know why you
did that to yourself.
"Like why would you put
yourself through extra months
"or years or whatever of
like pain and like suffering
"with this person when you
knew, you always knew."
So that line is kind of
like a dig at myself.
I pray that people, you know,
would change if somebody
voiced to them that they
were heard, but not everyone
is like that and not
everyone likes to face
their problems, and especially
a lot of people that
I've known and dealt with and
whatnot like have for sure
chosen the route of bearing
their problems under the rug
and not wanting to face their issues.
We were definitely
clubbing a lot and doing
that whole thing, and I am
not that kind of person.
I would rather be in my bed
than be literally anywhere else
in the planet all the time. So for me,
that was a super weird like culture shock.
I still go randomly with
my friends, but like I go
with my homeys. Why would
I want to be like sweaty
and drunk with all you people?
Like if I'm going to drink,
it's gonna be like playing
beer pong with my homeys.
Most of the time, if you
ever seen me in the club,
you'll see me just sitting
down like people-watching,
and observing, maybe
crying. But like, yeah.
I have a lot of Gemini fans
apparently who are like,
"What's wrong with Geminis?"
And listen, like nothing's
wrong with you guys. I know
being two faced is the most like
typical stereotype for
Geminis. But honestly,
it's not even being two
faced. It's like two people.
There are literally two people
living inside of Geminis.
I don't know how to explain it
unless you've dealt with one
or you are one firsthand.
They're really fun to be around.,
and they're also super funny usually.
They have a great sense
of humor. Like there's
a bunch of amazing qualities
and traits about Geminis,
but being in a relationship
or being the daughter of one
is a little bit scary sometimes sometimes.
Like if I know something is
wrong, I dive right into it.
I like to know everything. Like
I like to literally like go
back to my childhood, like what happened
to me that made me this way.
I'm very much so like that.
I have to accept the fact that
most people aren't like that,
and it's hard for me to
accept that because I'm like,
"Why doesn't everyone wanna
change? Why doesn't everyone
"wanna like learn the messed
up things about them?"
And I think I have to understand
that like most human beings
don't like to look at like
the dark side of the curtain.
It was tough for me like,
you know, dating somebody
who I felt like I was
always trying to be like,
"We need to figure out why
you do this, like why you
"act this way? Why are
you duh duh duh duh duh?"
And like, it was kind of
this ongoing battle of like
not wanting to get to
the root of the issue,
which you can't force somebody
to do, but at the same time,
but like would hurt me because I'm like,
"I'm trying to help you
move on from this behavioral
"pattern, and you're
choosing to stay in it
"and it's hurting me, and that
to me isn't, you know, fair."
What I meant by self-made
obstacles is like
these are problems that
have arisen in your brain
or whatever, and you could have
and you can still get help,
whether that's therapy, whether
that's just being honest
and open and having real
conversations with people.
You can get help in so many
ways. Like when you're choosing
to ignore a problem that
multiple people who love you
and care about you have spoken to about,
you're fooling yourself at this point.
You gotta just know yourself
prior to trying to know
someone else. You can't try
to keep up with the character
while you're in a relationship.
That's exhausting in itself.
You got to try to like just
be honest and be yourself,
and if you don't know that person,
it's gonna be a scary
experience for the both of you.
