I wish for the ability to switch between
normal sight and sight that makes me see
all the people that want to have sex
with me
granted we now have the ability to close
your eyes
Billie Eilish dresses like she got her
clothes stolen at the gym so
they gave her what they had in the lost and found bin
I found my cousin's old
school pictures
why your cousin look
like he about to ask Shrek to do the
roar
this guy goes into a liquor store and
asks the cashier for ID
please don't take babies into movie
theaters I did not pay $30 to listen to
your week pull out game
so my 14 year
old brother responded to my snapchat
story you look like the 27 year old
substitute teacher that doesn't know how
to make a class quiet
baby-boomers did
that thing where you leave a single
square of toilet paper on the roll and
pretend it's not your turn to change it
but with a whole society
Nicki Minaj
blocked me because I said slapping her
on the booty must sound like when you
close the microwave door too hard
held up the grocery line because the card
reader couldn't read my Apple watch
elderly man behind me exhales let's move
this along a future boy
my girl says I look like the rock what
y'all think
she meant the ones from Easter Island
How is it that the Madame
Tussauds Wax model of Mark Zuckerberg
looks way more like a real person than
Mark Zuckerberg does? oh my god
Mariah Carey beginning with I don't want a lot
for Christmas and then revealing she
wants you it's such a good burn
#SteveIrwin was killed while harassing a
ray. He dangled his baby while feeding
a crocodile wrestled wild animals who
were minding their own business today's
#Google Doodle sends a dangerous
fawning message, wild animals are entitled
to be left alone in their natural habitats
You're like the kid who wasn't
invited to the party but came anyway and
pooped in the pool just to get a
reaction.
it looks like a three-year-old
child with two fingers and several
disorders gave abstract art a try
do you have the context for this I need to see
what they were describing
I was describing how it looked like when I
draw to encourage someone to share
their own art
(in Arabic) Walter Peter
Griffin is epic
I don't speak to spaghetti you banana slug
She had the face of an
angel and a personality like the sound
of an ironing board being unfolded
First
Boy, this here ain't that silly
YouTube comments section
now f off before you lose more karma
you fart-filled balloon
Y'all. I'm in class. Kids are working,
talking and
whatnot.
I hear this:
You're a like a plunger.
Always bringing up old poop. I
hollered.
this model looks like she's
cosplaying every scooby-doo character at
once
the best evidence I can muster that
humans are smarter than cats is that we
don't chase laser dots on the carpet
says the man whose career is based on
studying tiny pinpoints of light in the sky
To remember how many feet they're on
a mile you just gotta use five Tomatoes
5 Tomatoes sounds like five two eight
zero and there is 5280 feet in a mile to
To remember how many meters there are in a
kilometre you just remember 1000 because
because the system of measurement in the rest
of the world wasn't invented by a drunk
mathematician rolling dice
one time in
middle school I dated a girl for four
days and when she broke up with me she
posted on Facebook
sometimes your knight in shining armor
is really just a loser in tinfoil and to
this day that is the sickest burn I've
ever gotten
after keeping this song as
alarm at 6:00 a.m. I started getting up
at 5:30 a.m.
*inaudible Arabic singing*
*more inaudible singing*
*guys, I don't speak Arabic*
*I bet she's trying not to laugh so hard*
She looks like if a Barbie doll went through a divorce
They dress like those people in the
French textbooks
She looks like a full grown person who should have
been a midget
Hey you =) If you enjoy the video maybe
give it a like
See you next time
