Ah... as always,
your industriousness astonishes
me old friend.
Thank you ever so much for the room
You're welcome Hugo,
anything for an old friend.
They say that the Golden Express is the
marvel,
but the real marvel here, is you.
Don't make me throw you off,
I have some business
to attend to. Make yourself at home.
Ah... conductor, I've missed you like Coke after Lent,
say do you have any with you?
Sorry but we're all out. Will a pepsi do?
Oh, thank you.
And here's something extra for the trip.
Oh the HORROR the HORROR
Who's there?
Stop!
No!
Not like this!
No!
Hello?
There's been a murder.
Show me the body.
There it is.
Keep the passengers out of this car,
I'll let you know once I've finished my preliminary investigation.
Bring all the passengers to the dining car.
Hurry. Time is of the essence.
Ladies and gentlemen, you may be wondering
why I've gathered you here.
I'm sorry to say that one of you has blood
on your hands.
Investigator, are you insinuating that an
act of foul play has occurred?
What exactly gives you,
a weak man,
jurisdiction in this matter?
My name is Detective Hugo Niels, I have solved
over 300 cases in all 7 continents.
I have been knighted by Queen Victoria,
recognized by the Pope,
and graduated from every Ivy League school.
And I have never,
ever, left a case unsolved.
That's not even that impressive.
Ever heard of Operation Kreutzer?
No, what's that?
Its the reason we're speaking English right
now.
Curse my moira, well how do we know that YOU'RE
not the one who killed him?
I was conducting some business with the conductor
last night.
I must say, you seem awfully nervous, Miss Clytemnestra.
Perhaps you had a hand in the murder of Dorian
Gray?
Heh— how do you know my name?
Sorry folks, but it looks like we're gonna
be stuck here for a while.
We've been hit by the tail end of an avalanche,
and its gonna take a few days for the bears
to come and help dig us out.
From the very start I knew that this wouldn't
be an ordinary trip.
Now if you please, Miss Clytemnestra, I must
take you in...
for questioning.
I didn't want to cause a scene out there,
but why in the Furies' name do you think that I,
Clytemurder— erm, Clytemnestra,
am the murderer?
If you're so eager to begin then let's.
Why are you on this train?
What exactly prompted you to take this trip
to the middle of nowhere?
Mr Detective, I'll have you know that my country
just finished fighting a decade long war,
and to celebrate I decided to indulge myself
in a little bit of leisure.
Lets not drag this out.
I know the truth
and you know the truth.
And I always bring the truth to light eventually.
I'm impressed,
how did you know I was lying?
What can I say? I'm Europe's finest.
You've beaten me at my own game.
Don't flatter yourself,
you were never even a player.
You know what detective, life is funny.
Before the great war I had a precious daughter.
She was my beloved sunrise,
I loved her with all my heart and soul
But by the cruel hands of moira she was taken
from me.
Agamemnon, my own husband...
It was he who spoiled my paradise!
Yet moira has a way of coming around to those
who deserve it,
and Agamemnon, he— he—!
I waited for
my husband's return.
There was a great festival. And soon after, 
Agamemnon returned to business as usual,
out hunting, fishing, and the like.
But there was an accident...
Agamemnon was caught in a fishing net, and
he— he—!
It's okay. I understand, Clytemnestra.
Now could you please tell me what your whereabouts were last night?
I was drowning my sorrows in libations at
the bar.
You can ask the bartender if you don't believe me.
Sustained, Clytemnestra. Your testimony has
been most helpful.
You murderous, treacherous, butcherous snake.
Justice for Father is upon you!
Fishing accident MY FOOT!
Apollo told me what you have done,
and you will pay for it.
AIEEE :O What are you doing Orestes?
Clytemnestra, I'll talk to you in a second.
Orestes, please, sit.
How dare she call herself the Queen!
She's an usurper and she has NO right.
My name is Orestes, and she killed my father!
She's an evil, loathsome serpentess.
I am the rightful king, and I have come here
to take my crown.
That masculine woman with a feminine man around
her waist
doesn't deserve half of what she has.
Why, if that filthy lover of hers were to
swap personalities,
it would be a match made in Olympus, rather 
than hades.
AIEEE :O
[Clytemnestra voiceover:] That devilish snake,
where did I go wrong
with that kid?
From where can a snake come, but from another
snake?
I have the backing of Apollo!
Let me tell you what REALLY happened.
It was no mere fishing accident, it was much
more diabolical.
The story of my father, Agamemnon, is a story
of murder!
I did not see it coming.
Ever since that horrible day,
that image has haunted me.
But who am I to tell you?
You're the Europe's greatest mystery solver.
Anyway, if you wanna know where I was last
night; I'll tell you.
I was shootin' the breeze with another passenger.
Save your questions. The only murder I'll be involved in
is in my mother's.
Well that's enough from you Mr Orestes.
I do hope that there are no hard feelings
between us.
I have to treat all my suspects with the same
amount of bias.
I'll see you at tonight's dinner.
Yes sir.
Take this list of names to the local police
station
and tell them that Hugo needs help, they'll
know what it means. Now hurry.
I'm so sorry, Detective!
A fishmonger would have less slippery hands
than I do.
Well Sir Hamlet, I do believe you owe me a drink.
Please, sit.
Spoon for yes.
Fork for no.
Okay, Hamlet?
Did you know that the cup was poisoned?
Was it table one?
Table two?
Something's rotten in the state of Denmark!
I had a spectral vision that it was YOU, Uncle,
with that wretched mother of mine, GERTRUDE!
Hamlet, my dear nephew.
What are you talking about?
Sorry detective, I apologize.
He's been acting this way for quite some time
now.
After his father's ULTIMATE DEMISE.  >:D
That's quite alright.
Kids these days are quite extreme.
Small talk aside, I'd like to ask you a few
questions.
Of course.
Where were you on the night of the murder,
Claudius?
The night of the murder, its rather difficult
to recall.
After the wedding, my married life has been
a blur.
You were married?
For how many years?
That's a little too close too home, detective.
But if you must know, our marriage is nearing
the better half of an entire month!
Correct me if I'm wrong.
But Gertrude is Hamlet's mother, correct?
Yes, she is.
What of it?
And what happened to her husband, Hamlet's
father?
Ah— my beloved brother.
That poor chap was always prone to afternoon
drowsiness in the palace garden.
I suppose pollen allergies simply overcame
the poor fool.
Unfortunately the poor boy Hamlet was stuck
at school in Wittenburg.
And with the looming threat of the Fortinbras' army.
I was forced to take the throne.
I didn't really want to, but the people insisted!
SILENCE!
YOU PILE OF OYSTER EXCREMENT!
YOU CHINK IN THE CHAIN OF BEING!
LIST LIST LIST!
HAD I STILL MY PHYSICAL FORM, I SHAN'T HESITATE
TO SMITE THEE DOWN TO DUST.
JUST AS THOU HAST DONE TO THE STATE OF DENMARK.
GOOD DETECTIVE!
SHOULD I REVEAL TO YOU THE MURDERER, SWEAR
THAT MY BOTTOM FEEDER BROTHER NEVER SEE THE
LIGHT OF DAY!
I swear by nothing but my little grey cells.
Very well detective, I shall tell you everything.
Calm down dear Uncle.
I know that Dorian's death was not done by
your doing.
No, no, no!
What are you doing?
I'm just showing Claudius that I know.
And what is it exactly that you know?
What I just told you detective.
Claudius is the one who butchered the state
of Denmark.
Claudius is the one who killed my father.
By pouring poison in his ear while he slept.
The ghost of my father told me: he said to
kill Claudius and avenge his death.
My plan is to catch him off guard, and then
I'll kill him.
A ghost told you to kill your Uncle?
Are you sure you're not actually mad?
Besides, that information is of no use to
me.
I'm here to solve the murder of Dorian Gray.
I'll have you know my plan is foolproof. Orestes helped me fix the details last night.
And I'll tell you
that mockery of a man couldn't
take a life if he tried.
Why do you think he's going to his allies?
Why do you think he killed my father in secret?
He can't fight.
He won't fight!
Anything important happen last night, conductor?
Do you have any idea how long it'll take for
the train to get out?
It was quiet last night.
A little too quiet.
I don't feeel so good Mr Niels.
It's never taken this long for the bears to
come before.
I've had hardly any time to dwell,
well, I still have upwards of over half the passengers to to interview.
So I'll see you around.
What are you fellas looking at?
Oh no.
It's nothing.
It doesn't look like nothing, its a map!
Wait a minute, are you the famous detective
we've been hearing about?
And you're assuming all this just because
I saw you looking at a map?
That, and the fact that you left a list of
suspects out in plain view.
Name's Charles Trask, its a pleasure to meet
you, sir.
What can we help you with?
Likewise. Well, as you may have noticed, your
name is still on my
suspect list.
Would you like to clear it off with a little
interview?
Sounds like a plan.
Should we drop by your room, or—
Here would be good.
Alright Adam, you wanna move and give the
detective a place to sit?
First question: what were you doing on the
night of the murder?
A murder?
You said a murder?
I thought you were just investigating a robbery
or some of the sort.
But a murder?
That's big.
Unfortunately Mr—
I didn't quite get your name.
The name's Hugo.
Hugo Niels.
Unfortunately Mr Hugo Niels, me and my brother
have had our eyes glued on the maps of Europe
for quite some while now.
And honestly and wholeheartedly
all we know is that we were either in the
dining place or in our room
whenever the murder took place.
If you don't mind me asking, but what is it
that you two do exactly?
We're farmers turned businessmen.
Our father left us a large inheritance and
we wanted to put it to good use.
And invest in land, y'know?
That's why we've been looking at maps Mr Hugo.
We're scouting the countryside to see if we
can find any better land
than that in the states.
Personally, I insisted that we USE the money.
But Adam insisted that we take this trip
if not for us, for Cathy!
I'm a map enthusiast myself,
do you mind if I take
a look at your collection?
Not at all.
Take a look at this: topographical, hand-painted,
French plains.
Dropped two hundred dollars on it.
Wow, amazing.
Who's this?
Oh, this is the detective. Don'chu you remember?
Oh yeah... detective.
Nice to finally meet.
The pleasure's mine.
Cathy, Mr Hugo just cleared us as suspects.
Isn't that great?
Wonderful. Does this mean this ordeal is almost over?
How many more suspects are left?
Just a couple more, including you.
Me?
I thought you said we were cleared of suspicion.
We, as in the Trask brothers.
Fine. What do I gotta do to get cleared of suspicion?
An interview with me.
[Pretentious sniff]
How long will that take?
Not long.
Relax Cathy, you've nothing to hide.
I'm sure it'll be over as soon as it starts.
Shut up Adam! I'm trying to think!
Okay, I agree to an interview as long as we
do it in YOUR room.
Alright, let's go.
I can't stand Adam!
Detective, can't you see through his facade?
His masquerade of concern?
He makes me sick! That hypocrite!
That's a bit harsh, Adam seems like a genuinely
kind soul.
You don't find many of those these days.
So, where were you on the night of the murder?
Listen, is there another way we could do this?
Why all these formalities? We both know that a
sweet innocent girl like me could never dream
of such a heinous act.
Don't you think there's another way we could
do this???
Listen, I owe it to my friend to leave no pebble
unturned
and only a clod would allow you to do something
like this.
You know what Hugo? I'm tired of doing this.
I don't have to do this!
I know I'm an innocent girl, and now I know that you may not be straight either!
Thomas, mystery always finds me, doesn't it?
Remember back at Harvard when that honors
society invited me to join?
And then we found out that they were involved
in a series of killings and robberies.
Those days were simple.
Every villain was either in it for money or for power.     But now—
But now its 10 strangers with completely different
pasts.
This must be your most difficult case yet.
There's someone who can help. Here's his room.
That's Mr Gray's traveling partner, I spoke
with him for a bit when he boarded.
But after the murder it's as if he has disappeared.
He might be able to give you some insight.
Excuse me, I need to ask you a few questions.
What is it?
My name is detective Hugo Niels, I need to
ask you a few questions about this murder.
I've been notified that you were Dorian's
friend.
And I do believe that you could help me solve
this case.
Thank you!
Oh— sorry.
But I've just been so overwhelmed since Dorian's
death.
You know, we really haven't been seeing eye-to-eye
recently
but you know, I cared for him.
He was kind of like my brother.
I'd be happy to help, come inside.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Could you please tell me anything else that
you think would help me in this case.
I don't know if it'll help, but I can tell
you about when I first met Dorian.
Perfect.
It began in England, twenty years ago
I don't remember exactly because it was so
long ago
but I remember that my aunt was having a dinner
party and she invited both of us.
She introduced us, and there was this connection
immediately.
I could feel it.
So I invited him over to my house, and
asked him to model for a painting.
His beauty was remarkable, truly amazing.
I know I'm over exaggerating, but—
that's just how I felt.
So, you paint?
I used to.
What made you stop?
It was Dorian.
How so?
When I painted him, he changed.
After I painted Dorian, he met my FriENd,
Lord Henry.
Henry was somewhat of a loose cannon, he only
did what pleased himself.
Dorian learned from that, and so he lost his
first true love.
I was trying to rekindle our relationship
through this trip
but after this tragedy, I don't know what
to do.
Did Dorian have any enemies?
Only his own desires.
Actually— I just remembered.
I have a painting that I think you might find interesting.
Let's go see it.
My God!
It looks like the face of a man who's indulged
himself for the better half of his life.
I've been trying to restore it
but every night, after I add the paint it
just comes off.
Leaving this hideous being.
How odd.
Who's this?
My name is Kurtz, the world renowned chef.
And I'm making breakfast.
We'll start with a dash of water.
An onion.
Some salt and pepper.
That's for the broth!
And who are you?
Are you listening?!
This is a quaint dish: perfectly golden,
and extraordinarily white.
Even its origins are extraordinary:
Irish, English, and Roman. Would you like to try some?
Try his wonderful dish.
Mr Kurtz is the best chef on this side of the
Congo.
Delicious!
If you like that, just wait until I get the
main ingredient.
Where is it?
The meat is so tender, precious— more precious
than even veal.
What is it?
Baby's bottom.
[Maniacal laughter]
You monster!
How could you even dream of such a heinous
act?
I've loved baby's meat.
The Congo's the best place to go and hunt
for it.
Every morning they always have a fresh catch.
Overpopulation is such a wonderful problem
there.
If half the population was gone, it would
work wonders for everyone!
Who'd even miss it?
What a marvelous idea Mr Kurtz,
you always know what the best ting to do is!
Once I get back to England city, they'll crown
you king for such indigenous ideas!
But I'd rather be a god with all the ivory
I've taken.
Oh the HORROR! The HORROR!
It rocks me to my soul.
How could it be that I've done this?
An unjust god I would be.
Corrupt and devilish!
What was that?
That scream!
It was just like the night of the murder!
Hugo, I have a message for you.
You. Help this man. Basil, you! Help THIS man.
THE HORROR. THE HORROR!
Who's screaming?
Wait... this sounds familiar.
Conductor, wake everyone up. I've got it.
Ladies and gentleman, it's been a long three
days.
But I believe I've solved this case.
The killer was none other than Dorian himself.
Dorian was obsessed with self indulgence to
the point where he could not control himself.
His interior, his soul, aged immeasurably
yet his exterior remained beautiful.
This picture of Dorian Gray served both to
entrap and preserve his soul.
Here on this train, fate transpired to send
a message.
I have read through your histories, your personal
stories
your REAL stories.
And I know that this murder was meant to show
you,
this lot of depraved humans to fix your evil
ways.
Claudius, you killed your brother.
And Hamlet, you plan to murder Claudius.
Clytemnestra, you killed your husband, and
Orestes will attempt murder on you.
Adam, you've always shown up your brother
and Charles, you've taken your anger out on
him.
Cathy, we probably shouldn't even talk about
what you've done right now.
But you, Kurtz, murderer of innocent lives
in the Congo, heretic and a baby eater.
You all need to understand that you have a
choice in your actions.
I sentence all of you to learn and follow
timshel,
that thou mayest change.
