HENRY FAULKNER: Good afternoon,
and welcome to Talks at
presents "Drunk Shakespeare."
[APPLAUSE]
Yes.
We are very excited to
have this show here.
This is an amazing production,
a self-professed "drinking club
with a Shakespeare problem."
They have come today
to perform and wow you
all, and especially on Take
Your Parents to Work Day.
How many parents?
It's a dark room, by applause.
[APPLAUSE]
There we go.
But you're all very polite.
I like that.
A little bit of housekeeping.
Before we get started,
phones, laptops,
if you have a Zune,
anything that makes noise,
if you could turn it off.
Silence it.
And rather than have
me explain everything,
we will welcome the cast
for "Drunk Shakespeare"
to the stage.
I'm going to turn this
over right now, so
that we can set what's about
to happen for you, to the very
talented, the very lovely future
Tony award winner, Mike Sause.
[APPLAUSE]
MIKE SAUSE: Future
Tony award winner?
Ladies and gentlemen,
friends, Romans,
people who think an iPhone X is
just a fancy, expensive Samsung
Galaxy, lend me your ears.
We are the Drunk
Shakespeare Society.
And it is an honor to
be here with you today.
There are some of the most
brilliant minds in all
of the world in this building.
And then there's
also people that
thought Google Plus was
really going to take off.
We are the Drunk
Shakespeare Society.
And we gather every night
in a hidden library on 43rd
and Eighth to pay homage
to the Swan of Avon,
the brilliant Bard, the
eloquent Elizabethan, of course,
I'm talking of
William Shakespeare!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Whoo!
[APPLAUSE]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Good man.
Good man.
MIKE SAUSE: Now,
folks, what makes
us different than your
average run of the mill,
stick up your ass
Shakespeare company
is that we have found that
Shakespeare, his poetry
was for everybody, not just the
well-to-do academics watching
from above, but also these
inebriated groundlings,
these belligerent folk
who gave their day's wage
to laugh at a
well-penned dick joke.
Thank you for coming, sir.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have been asked today
to curate a special
brief and boozy rendition
of Shakespeare's
star-crossed lovers.
And we are going to celebrate
the only way we know how,
by having one of our
very own society members
give in to the muse,
release their performance
to the spirits.
That's just a
fancy way of saying
we're going to get
someone hammered
and throw them into
a Shakespeare play.
So your drunk actor
today, drumroll, please!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Get it.
Come again.
MIKE SAUSE: Give it up for your
drunk actor, Caitlin Morris!
[APPLAUSE]
CAITLIN MORRIS: What?
2:30 on a Friday?
What is my life?
Aw, yeah.
Where my people at?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yes.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, good.
Hands in the air.
Yeah, good.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
MIKE SAUSE: That one guy.
CAITLIN MORRIS: He was ready.
MIKE SAUSE: Caitlin has been
day drinking like it's Sunday
brunch in Williamsburg.
And we're going to add a little
bit more spice to her life
in the form of Bulleit bourbon.
We have six shots of Bulleit
right now, four of them
are going to Caitlin.
But two of them are for two
very lucky audience members,
to prove to you this
is real alcohol she's
about to get drank on, OK?
Now we understand this is
Bring Your Parents to Work Day,
because most of you
are millennials,
and you won't have
children till you're 50.
So could I please have a
volunteer with their parent
to come drink?
Who would like to come drink
a shot with their parent?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Come on,
what's better family bonding
than that?
MIKE SAUSE: Oh, no,
we saw you in back.
We saw you in the back.
Come on up!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Come on up!
MIKE SAUSE: Hurry,
hurry, hurry up!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Come on up!
All right.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Aw,
that's-- yeah, get up here!
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah,
take your time.
We don't have all day.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Don't worry about it.
It's good.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh my god,
did Mom initiate that?
MIKE SAUSE: Well, Mom
was the one doing it.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah!
MIKE SAUSE: How's it going?
Come on up.
Come on up.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah, watch
your step, my dear.
What's your name?
ELISE: Elise.
MIKE SAUSE: Elise and?
NICK: Nick.
MIKE SAUSE: Nick.
Elise and Nick.
Give it up for Elise
and Nick, everybody.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yes, snaps.
Snaps.
MIKE SAUSE: So can you
tell us what your son does?
ELISE: No.
[LAUGHTER]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Go ahead.
Any shot you want.
Take any one you'd
like, not that one.
MIKE SAUSE: Ooh.
Gambit.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK.
All right.
So this is to you guys.
Thank you for loving
alcohol as much as I do.
And I hope you got all your
projects done this morning.
Cheers to you!
Woo!
MIKE SAUSE: Now, is
that real alcohol?
NICK: Mm-hmm.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
She's sipping it!
MIKE SAUSE: I like
how mom's a sipper.
And the son's just like,
let's just do this.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Good.
You can savor that.
Just take it back to your seat.
It's good.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Yeah, just take them.
CAITLIN MORRIS: You're awesome.
Thank you.
MIKE SAUSE: Give it up
for them, everybody.
Elise and Nick.
CAITLIN MORRIS: You
know what they say,
a family that drinks
together, stays together.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Or fights
a lot on Thanksgiving.
CAITLIN MORRIS: And Christmas.
OK.
This next shot,
you know, I would
like to raise a glass
to all the amazing work
that you guys do here.
It really is, like,
incredibly shiny and perfect.
And specifically, I
want to give a shout out
to whoever created
the algorithm that
ensures that every time I
type my name into Google
search, a picture of me in
the ensemble of "Kiss Me,
Kate" from high school comes up.
Thank you for your service.
Cheers.
[APPLAUSE]
Oh, my god.
OK.
Oh.
Sorry that was a little burp.
Sorry.
This next shot I would like to
dedicate to funfetti cupcakes.
[APPLAUSE]
AUDIENCE: Whoo!
CAITLIN MORRIS: They're the
best of all the cupcakes.
They're my favorite.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Since I do have this
platform, I would
like to take a moment
to discuss politics.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm not going to do that.
I'm not.
I'm just kidding.
No, I just want to thank
you guys for coming out.
I know this is like
a really random thing
to be doing in the
middle of your work day
with your parents.
But imagine how much weirder
it is for me, you know.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for all you do
to support Warby Parker.
There's some amazing
eyewear in the audience.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Really good frames.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I hope you
guys have fun, and TGIF.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Let's go!
MIKE SAUSE: Give
it up for Caitlin!
She's four shots in, everybody.
CAITLIN MORRIS: [MUMBLING]
MIKE SAUSE: And now we're
going to let that settle inside
of Caitlin for a little bit.
CAITLIN MORRIS: It's jumping
around inside me right now.
MIKE SAUSE: And we're
going to turn it over
to a moderated Q&A with our
moderator, Mr. Henry Faulkner,
and our creative team--
our producer, Scott Griffin;
our director, David Hudson;
and our resident
director, Lisa Klages.
[APPLAUSE]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Woo!
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Pronounced with a lay-gus.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah.
Klages.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Ah.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Hey, how's it going?
MIKE SAUSE: All right.
Thank you guys for coming out.
DAVID HUDSON: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Ireland.
Cool shirt, thanks.
HENRY FAULKNER: So
David and Scott,
as the creators of
this show-- let's
go back first to the history.
How long has this
show been running?
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Sure, so--
HENRY FAULKNER: There's a
little switch on the side.
CAITLIN MORRIS: We
don't work in tech.
So we don't--
HENRY FAULKNER: No.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: How's that?
HENRY FAULKNER: We barely do.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: So,
the show's been going
for about 3 and 1/2 years.
We've done almost
1,400 performances.
And one of the three
performers you're seeing today
has been with us since
the very beginning.
And you can try and
guess who that is.
Someone who's done
almost 800 shows.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: God, help.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: You
can place bets.
DAVID HUDSON: 20% of
those have been drunk.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah.
DAVID HUDSON: More than
you know, but that's fair.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Do you want
to hear about the beginning
of the show, how it came about?
HENRY FAULKNER: Yeah.
Because this is highly
unusual, I would imagine.
I mean, that I'm aware
of, other Broadway shows
are not-- consistently
cast members are drunk.
But it could be true.
So how did this come about?
SCOTT GRIFFIN: So, I have
a background as a software
engineer and an
accountant from Australia.
And after doing that for about
15 years, I decided to quit.
I was, like, I want
to do something more--
HENRY FAULKNER: We feel you.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: --entertaining.
So I spent a year looking for
ideas for theatre productions.
And then came across
this idea of doing
drinking and Shakespeare.
And fortunately,
I was introduced
to David Hudson
and his wife Laurie
and their friend Beth Gardner.
And they have a company
called Three Day Hangover,
which is appropriate.
And they create
classic plays in bars.
And I think it was just
kind of a perfect match.
And we started work on this
show, "Drunk Shakespeare."
HENRY FAULKNER: And then--
so then how do you
put out the call
of, hey, we're looking for
Shakespearean actors, also
drunks?
CAITLIN MORRIS: [LAUGHS]
DAVID HUDSON: The kind
of remarkable thing is we
literally just put
it on Playbill,
which is the theatre
website, the casting call.
And we got close to
1,200 submissions
the first time around.
So clearly actors
in New York were
interested in drinking onstage,
excited about the idea.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Getting paid to
drink and perform every night.
DAVID HUDSON: And we
hosted some auditions.
And we saw probably
about 250 people
the first time around, over the
course of two or three days.
And we saw some really
incredible auditions.
We had one girl chug an entire
bottle of wine in front of us,
and then do her--
HENRY FAULKNER: And
that's my question.
Do they come to
the audition drunk?
Do they get drunk
while they're there?
Are they acting drunk?
DAVID HUDSON: We didn't ask them
to come to the audition drunk.
We got a lot of people
who did come in.
They brought maybe drunken
resumes, their history
as a drunken person.
SCOTT GRIFFIN:
One girl brought--
like, her friend had written
a resume, a reference
letter for her.
HENRY FAULKNER: A
drunken reference letter.
DAVID HUDSON: About
what she's like.
HENRY FAULKNER: You can
find them on LinkedOut.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Binge
drinking many times,
and she's, you
know, a happy drunk.
DAVID HUDSON: We had
many people bring us
gifts of small nip
bottles of bourbon
or whatever, just
trying to help--
MIKE SAUSE: Bribery.
DAVID HUDSON: --win them over.
Yeah.
MIKE SAUSE: Bribery.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Yeah.
DAVID HUDSON: So
it was quite fun.
HENRY FAULKNER: And then
you've got to direct drunkards
at that point.
DAVID HUDSON: Yes.
HENRY FAULKNER: You don't
what kind of a drunk
you're dealing with until
you're in the moment.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Mm-hmm.
DAVID HUDSON: Yeah,
I mean, we don't--
so the rehearsal process
is sober, which is fun.
We spend a lot of time
focusing on the Shakespeare
and focusing on
the comedy of it,
really trying to get everybody
on the same page with how
the story is going to be told.
And the amazing
thing is, is that
out of the now probably
25 to 30 people who
have been in the company over
the course of 3 and 1/2 years,
we've always had really fun,
awesome people who have come in
and have been great drunks.
And so we've been very
lucky in that regard.
But it's nice.
We spend a lot of time just
playing and having fun.
And then the first
time they drink
is in front of an audience,
which is exciting for everyone.
CAITLIN MORRIS: And scary.
DAVID HUDSON: Especially
the audience--
so they get to see some
wild and crazy choices that
are made in the moment.
HENRY FAULKNER: So,
Lisa, on that note,
what is the wildest
thing, either that you've
seen from a cast member
or an audience member?
LISA KLAGES: Oh, wow.
So we sort of have a mantra
among the society, which
is that anything can happen.
And that comes from both
the actors and the audience.
We have had actors at one point,
one actor issued a challenge
to another actor.
And when he lost the
challenge, the drunk actor
shaved his initials
into his chest hair.
So it goes as crazy as that.
I think what--
HENRY FAULKNER: During the show?
LISA KLAGES: During the show.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
During the show, yeah.
LISA KLAGES: In front of
an audience, absolutely.
Anything can happen.
HENRY FAULKNER: OSHA
must love you guys.
LISA KLAGES: I
mean, our casts are
amazing at taking
something ridiculous
that the audience
brings into the room
and just parlaying it
into something awesome.
And like any of
the other shows, we
get audience members who
have cell phones go off
during the show.
And one of our actors
heard a cell phone
and ran over and answered
it, and then proceeded
to do their entire
monologue to this person.
And then about 40
minutes later, the person
that was on the phone
shows up at our theater.
They were so excited
by what had happened
that they came to watch
the whole rest of the show.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
That was you, right?
HENRY FAULKNER: That
is solid marketing.
Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah, it is.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Person
to person, door to door.
LISA KLAGES: You never know.
Anything can happen.
HENRY FAULKNER: All right.
And so for the actors--
Caitlin, Mike, and Whit--
what's your background?
How do you prepare
for a show like this?
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Years of drinking.
No, I'm kidding.
That's totally inappropriate.
Don't do that.
It's bad for you.
It's bad for your liver.
I went to school for acting.
And I did some classical
training at school.
But then I also
moved to the city
and started doing comedy
and improv and stuff.
So it was kind of the perfect
combination of things.
And yeah, I also
do like alcohol.
But not too much.
I'm safe.
MIKE SAUSE: My
background is not--
HENRY FAULKNER: "Do alcohol."
How you'd describe it
in, like, 11th grade.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah.
MIKE SAUSE: I mean, I've been
an improviser in New York
since 2012.
That's pretty much
my main training.
I didn't go to acting school.
I have an English degree,
which I guess works
for this show in some ways.
But yeah, mostly improv,
sketch comedy, stuff like that.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah, I
come from the Shakespeare
side of things.
Before this show-- this
is the first, like,
real comedy show
I've ever been in--
I did, like, every off,
off, unpaid Shakespeare
show under the sun,
a lot of them, like,
one night performances, not
rehearsed sort of thing.
So I came to the show
more from that side.
But it's been a wild ride.
It's been a lot
of fun, you know.
DAVID HUDSON: 3 and
1/2 years later.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah.
HENRY FAULKNER: What are your
favorite Shakespeare plays?
MIKE SAUSE: I mean, it's
completely hackneyed to say it,
but "Hamlet."
I mean, it's--
CAITLIN MORRIS: It's a good one.
MIKE SAUSE: --cliche, but--
HENRY FAULKNER: It's
cliche for a reason.
MIKE SAUSE: --yeah,
it's my favorite one.
I just saw the one at The Public
with Oscar Isaac, and it was--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yum.
MIKE SAUSE: --incredible.
Keegan-Michael Key was
my favorite part, though.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah.
Whit?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I'm
a "Twelfth Night" guy.
Love "Twelfth Night."
HENRY FAULKNER: Ooh.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah.
Well, it's a really--
the great thing
about "Twelfth Night"
is there isn't a bad role in it.
So if you're in the show,
you're going to have fun.
And all of the characters are
so distinct from one another.
And they're all completely
insane in opposing and fun
ways.
And I've never not enjoyed
seeing "Twelfth Night."
Which is-- I've really
unenjoyed a lot of shows.
So that's a good thing.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Um,
"Shakespeare in Love."
They have the best sex scenes.
MIKE SAUSE: I cannot--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Whatever.
Or I like "King Lear," too.
Ugh.
MIKE SAUSE: Did you just give
an "ugh" for "King Lear"?
HENRY FAULKNER:
So that's-- yeah,
if you're scoring this at home,
thumbs up for "Shakespeare
in Love," eh for "King Lear."
CAITLIN MORRIS: It's impressive.
HENRY FAULKNER: So is
it Three Day Hangover
who's also produced
"Drunkle Vanya," which
is a Chekhov adaptation?
DAVID HUDSON: Yes.
HENRY FAULKNER: Do you
just start with the name
and then work backwards?
DAVID HUDSON: That's the
way to do it, I think.
That's Marketing
101 right there.
HENRY FAULKNER: Is
someone writing this down?
SCOTT GRIFFIN: I
think someone is.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah,
this is so freaky.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Yeah, that's amazing.
MIKE SAUSE: Everything's
being transcribed
in the moment-- laughter,
laughter in parentheses.
[LAUGHTER]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Caitlin
Morris for President!
HENRY FAULKNER: Right.
You know, it'll be
freaky in a moment
when it starts anticipating.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah.
DAVID HUDSON: Yeah,
we did "Drunkle Vanya"
in off-Broadway this past
winter at the Russian Samovar
on 52nd and Eighth.
But we've also done a
bunch of other shows.
We did a boozy
version of "Dracula,"
where we changed the
famous vampire slayer Van
Helsing to Van Yuengling.
[LAUGHTER]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Always had
a Yuengling, like, on the--
DAVID HUDSON: We did a
two-person version of the Henry
plays, where we kind of
mashed all of them together,
that culminated in the audience
doing a massive 150 cup
game of beer pong,
just hurling beer pong
balls at the middle of the
room, which was very fun.
And yeah, we've got some good
ideas coming down the pipeline.
We're thinking Wasted
Williams, or something maybe
like that, a little Tennessee
Williams' "Streetcar" drunken.
HENRY FAULKNER: Ooh.
DAVID HUDSON: So
that's some good stuff.
HENRY FAULKNER: OK.
DAVID HUDSON: Yeah.
HENRY FAULKNER: Fantastic.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Did
someone say "Star Wars?"
Oh, Stella.
DAVID HUDSON: Stella Artois.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Stella
for star, you know?
There you go.
HENRY FAULKNER: And you
perform this-- how many times
a week are you doing this?
Because you're doing two shows--
SCOTT GRIFFIN: So yeah, we
currently do about seven
or eight shows a
week over the summer.
And then over winter, in
between Christmas and New Year,
if you have family in town,
come and see the show.
We do about 15
shows in one week.
MIKE SAUSE: We have a
two-show night on a Tuesday.
HENRY FAULKNER: So all right.
So let's break that
down for a minute.
Because if there's
two shows a night--
so somebody gets hammered
in the first show.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah.
HENRY FAULKNER:
Does that actor then
get more hammered
in the second show,
or does the second show
just have more drunks?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: No, no.
It's one person.
The idea being that
it's better to have
one very, very flat tire--
[LAUGHTER]
--than two flat tires.
You might as well
just let the wheel
just hit the rim on the road,
let it spark at that point.
It's just easier to deal with.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: So really, did
we say in the beginning what
the show is?
I'm just thinking, people.
We have five actors.
Four of them are sober,
and one of them is drunk.
And we try and do a
Shakespearean play
in 90 minutes.
That's the show.
HENRY FAULKNER: That's
a perfect encapsulation.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Hence,
the flat tire joke.
HENRY FAULKNER: Yeah.
So the second show is really
the one you want to be at.
DAVID HUDSON: The 10:00 PM--
the second show, the late show--
is always a wild ride.
There's a lot of crazy
stuff that happens.
Because not only is the
actor double drinking,
but it's usually like
a 10 o'clock show.
So most of the audience has
pre-gamed and showed up,
you know,
well-lubricated as well.
So they're ready to party.
HENRY FAULKNER: There's
just like plastic--
sheets on the floor.
Wow.
All right.
And at this point,
do you sort of have
a sense of the other actors?
Like, I kind of know how Mike
is when he's a little sauced?
It's actually your name.
MIKE SAUSE: That's my name.
Yeah.
It's not a stage name, either.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah.
No, I feel like once you
do a couple performances,
you kind of know what
kind of drunk they are.
And sometimes that means,
like, batten down the hatches.
Everyone's going to get weird.
Sometimes it just means,
like, watch your ear drums.
Because some people
are like screamy drunk.
I am kind of a screamy drunk.
MIKE SAUSE: Yes.
DAVID HUDSON: Yes, you are.
CAITLIN MORRIS: So, sorry
in advance for this mike
situation in the back.
Good luck with levels.
MIKE SAUSE: Doing a lot of--
CAITLIN MORRIS: But
generally, everyone's,
like, really fun and
just, like, down to clown.
DAVID HUDSON: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Does that mean sex?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yes.
Yes, it does.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I said
that the other day.
HENRY FAULKNER: A very
specific kind, I think.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK, OK.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I
think, yeah, I think the--
HENRY FAULKNER:
Puffy shoes, and--
WHIT LEVENBERGER: The
thing about preparing
for this show is that in
a normal stage production,
it's this kind of very rigid
world that you live in.
Because you have to
hit your marks so
the lights can get you.
And you have to kind of do
this very intense choreography
on this stage to kind of
do the director's vision.
But in our show,
the acceptable space
of what is allowed in our room
or in our show on a given night
is much, much broader.
And so the real
preparation for the show
is just having a really
intense knowledge of the people
you work with, what they
will be and will not
be comfortable with doing.
Who is the audience in the room?
What kind of jokes
will they like?
What kind of jokes
will they not like?
Yeah, so it's more
about just kind
of having a feel for the
people you're working
with on any given night.
HENRY FAULKNER: In
that vein, Lisa,
do you ever have people
who just show up,
like, I had no idea this is
what I had signed up for?
LISA KLAGES: Yeah.
I mean, we definitely
get people some of whom
have Shakespeare backgrounds,
some people are into improv,
and some people just
read "The New York Times"
and heard about us in
"The New York Times."
So yeah, the audience
is very diverse.
And we as a cast and an ensemble
talk throughout the show.
Like, these jokes are landing.
These aren't.
Let's adjust.
So it's an active
living process.
HENRY FAULKNER: All
right, live theater.
Caitlin, how are you feeling?
CAITLIN MORRIS: I am just
ready to sit on a couple laps.
[LAUGHTER]
HENRY FAULKNER: I want
that to be a metaphor.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I'm
going to sit on--
I'm going to sit on
Shakespeare's lap.
HENRY FAULKNER: Sit
on Shakespeare's lap?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah.
HENRY FAULKNER: All right.
CAITLIN MORRIS: [LAUGHS]
HENRY FAULKNER: I think
his lap may be ready.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Yeah, I think it is.
MIKE SAUSE: Let's do this.
HENRY FAULKNER: Let's do it.
MIKE SAUSE: All right.
Well, Caitlin is
sufficiently inebriated.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, really
quick, just add me on LinkedIn,
please.
MIKE SAUSE: Don't-- don't--
CAITLIN MORRIS:
No, it would help--
MIKE SAUSE: They
don't own LinkedIn.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Not the right room.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
I'm a professional!
It's going to help my situation.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Think
of other social networks.
CAITLIN MORRIS: No,
I can't think of any.
MIKE SAUSE: All right.
Strap in, nerds.
Hold onto your Chromebooks.
Put on your Google Glass.
And whatever you
do, for God's sake,
do not reply-all to the
company diversity memo.
We are the Drunk
Shakespeare Society.
And please enjoy this 15
minutes' traffic of our stage.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Three, two, one--
UNISON: Shakespeare!
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Two households,
both alike in dignity.
MIKE SAUSE: In fair Verona,
where we lay our scene.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Ancient br--
[RASPBERRY] From ancient
grudge break to new mutiny,
where civil blood makes
civil hands dirty.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: It's not.
From forth the fatal
loins of these two foes--
MIKE SAUSE: A pair of
star-crossed lovers
take their life.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Who
misadventured piteous
overthrows do with their
death bury the hatchet.
MIKE SAUSE: Oh.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Sorry, I'm sorry.
So, start of the
play, Capulets verse
Montagues in a blood feud for
as long as anyone can remember.
This is a major
rivalry, you guys.
We're talking about, like, white
wine versus red wine drinkers.
We're talking T Swift
fans v. T Swift haters.
We're talking deplorables
and snowflakes,
you know what I'm saying?
So there are fights
breaking out in the streets,
indiscriminate thumb biting,
hashtag shit's going down.
So now we know what's
happening, right?
Now we're going to introduce
our players for tonight.
Our title character,
Romeo Montague.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Ay me!
Sad hours seem long.
CAITLIN MORRIS: That's so good.
That's played by
Whit Levenberger.
And much like Whit, Romeo
is like that misfit theater
kid with too many feelings.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah,
I'm a 30-year-old man
playing a 16-year-old.
What does that say about me?
CAITLIN MORRIS: You're useful.
No wrinkles.
Juliet Capulet will
be played by moi.
And much like me, Juliet
is super-popular and really
beautiful and knows the perfect
angle to take a good selfie,
also maybe peaked
in middle school.
So lastly, playing everyone
else is Mike Sause.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Super.
So at the top of the play,
my parents, the Capulets,
are throwing this rager, right?
And they're trying
to get a head count.
But everyone's replying
interested to the Facebook
event, so they have no idea
what their numbers are.
So they send out this
messenger, right,
to relay all the information
and invite people
and get a head count.
But he works for Equifax.
So he actually not only
shares the party information
with literally everyone
he sees on the street,
he also shares home addresses,
social security numbers,
dates of birth.
One of the people he
shares information with
is Romeo, who would never
be invited because he's
their mortal enemy.
But Romeo hears about the party.
He hears that his former love,
Rosaline, is going to be there.
Like I said, a lot of feelings.
So prepare yourself.
So he decides he has
to go check it out.
So he shows up to the party.
You guys remember this part.
He and Juliet spot each
other through an aquarium.
And the first
thing he notices is
Juliette's enormous and
perky set of angel wings.
And so young and beautiful
Leonardo DiCaprio
launches into this
love ballad, right,
from the bow of a ship
while she's frantically--
he's forging checks.
And then he crawls into
the carcass of a dead horse
to keep him warm in the winter.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: You didn't
see "The Revenant," did you?
CAITLIN MORRIS: No.
No.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: That's clear.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Anyway, the point
is they fall in love
instantly, which sets,
like, a super-unhealthy
standard for romance
for the rest of time.
But they meet, right?
And they dance bachata,
and then they're separated.
And then the next time we see
them is the scene de la scenes,
the most famous scene ever.
What is it?
MIKE SAUSE: When Alan Rickman
falls off the Nakatomi--
CAITLIN MORRIS:
You're dead to me.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: No.
OK.
It's Swayze, but
it's the second time
they're outside the roadhouse.
And it's the fight.
He doesn't want to kill the guy.
CAITLIN MORRIS: No.
No!
It is the balcony scene.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh,
that one's pretty good.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah,
OK, let's make a balcony.
MIKE SAUSE: OK.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, no.
Ginger ale down.
It's fine.
MIKE SAUSE: Jesus Christ.
CAITLIN MORRIS: It's fine.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's all right.
Can we get a clean
up on aisle four?
Thank you.
Romeo, Romeo!
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Deny thy father and
refuse thy name.
Or, if thou will not,
be but sworn my love.
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
'Tis but thy name
that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself,
though, not a Montague.
What's Montague?
It is nor hand nor foot nor
arm nor face nor any other part
belonging to a man.
Oh, be some other name!
That which we call a Magnolia
Cupcake by any other name
would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would, were
he not Romeo called,
retain that dear
perfection which
he owes without that title.
Romeo, doff thy name.
And for thy name, which is no
part of thee, take all myself.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: But soft,
what like through yonder window
breaks?
It is the east, and
Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and
kill the envious moon,
who is already sick
and pale with grief
that thou her maid art
far more fair than she.
Oh, be not her maid,
for she is envious.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
I'm so sorry, Whit?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah?
Hi.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Hi.
You're doing so great.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Am I?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Um, yeah.
But I just-- I was
thinking you're
a teenager, right, in this play.
And what we know about
teenagers in love
is that they're
always, like, searching
for the version of themself
that the other person is
going to be into, right?
They're like, I'm malleable.
Which kind of me do you like?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Right.
CAITLIN MORRIS: And
so I think that you
should do this monologue as
a variety of options for me.
I'm going to--
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Great.
Perfect.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I'm going
to suggest some as we go.
Let's start, in honor
of my favorite show,
"Outlander," start
as a Scotsman.
I'm going to imagine
you in a kilt.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Three, two, one--
UNISON: Shakespeare.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
[USING SCOTTISH ACCENT]
Her vestal livery is but sick
and green and none but fools
still wear it; cast it off.
Ew!
It is my lady, ew!
It is my love!
Ew, that she knew she were.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK,
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I can't understand a
word that you're saying.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: That's fine.
That's fine.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK.
How about instead of
that, like, give me
like a "Downton Abbey," kind
of, like, stuffy British guy.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Great, great.
She speaks-- oh, yes--
she says nothing, what of that?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Um.
Who's passing a stone.
[LAUGHTER]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: (DRAWN OUT)
'Tis not to me she speaks,
but to-- to-- to--
of the fair, oh, ooh--
the caliber of this bullet, it's
too great for the rifle I bear!
[LAUGHTER]
Halcyon!
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK,
wait, wait, wait.
I've decided that actually I'm
a little bit more home grown.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah, sure.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Can
you give this to me
like a Brooklynite who is, like,
really mad about his Con Edison
bill?
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She speaks, yet
she says nothing.
What of that?
Oh, her eye discourses.
I will answer it.
Oh, nay.
'Tis not to me she speaks.
No!
What she does is,
she comes by, she
estimates the amount of fucking
money she wants to charge.
Think about it.
Wake up, America!
You're paying for
a goddamn dream.
What is an estimated value?
Can someone tell me
what a kilowatt hour is?
I feel like this
is the right room.
I feel like-- I've
gotta get an--
OK.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK, I
just got a brilliant one.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
That's too much.
MIKE SAUSE: Too much.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Too much.
CAITLIN MORRIS: How about
let's finish this off as--
ooh, like a Southern voyeur--
WHIT LEVENBERGER: OK.
CAITLIN MORRIS: --who does
all of his business out
of the back of his Lincoln.
And his only client is--
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Ryan Phillippe.
Yeah, I got the reference.
I got it.
[MIMICS MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY]
All right.
All right.
All right.
See how she leans her
cheek upon her hand thus?
Uh-- that I were a
glove upon that hand
that I might touch that cheek.
You all want to buy a Lincoln?
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Whit Levenberger!
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
OK.
So blah, blah, blah, love
and shit, he was a boy.
She was a girl.
Could I make it anymore obvious?
No, no, really.
No.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Children.
Children.
CAITLIN MORRIS: They're
actually children.
They're like 14 years old.
But they're convinced that
they're in love with each other
and that their
feelings are real.
We all remember that.
And so the second
time they hang out,
they decide they should
get married, which sounds
like a 14th century TLC show.
So they get secret married.
And Juliet-- guys,
Juliet is ready
for that 2-step verification,
if you know what I'm saying.
[APPLAUSE]
But the nurse keeps coming
in to interrupt them,
so they can't, you know,
consummate the marriage.
So that's where we're at.
And in the street, at the
same time that all of this
is happening, this
fight breaks out
with Juliet's cousin Tybalt.
Now, Tybalt is like the short
guy on the wrestling team who's
way too aggressive, or like
this unfathomably incompetent
businessman with
little baby hands
who accidentally tripped
into the Oval Office.
[LAUGHTER]
Do you want to give us that?
Thank you so much.
Good.
I'm just going to clean up.
MIKE SAUSE: (IMITATING
DONALD TRUMP) Romeo.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Wait.
MIKE SAUSE: Romeo.
Romeo?
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
How did you see me?
I was in incognito mode.
[LAUGHTER]
Whatever.
I can only make that
joke in this room.
I had to try.
MIKE SAUSE: The hate I bear
thee can afford no better
term than this.
Thou art a villain.
You're a crooked liar, sad.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Tybalt, the love
I bear thee doth much
excuse the appertaining rage
to such a greeting.
Crooked-- you still
with me here, bud?
MIKE SAUSE: I'm like one of
those birds that dips in water,
and bounces backward.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Crooked liar am I none.
Therefore, farewell.
I see thou knowst me not.
MIKE SAUSE: Boy?
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Don't assume my gender.
MIKE SAUSE: Boy?
This shall not excuse the
injuries thou hast done me.
Therefore, turn and draw.
I'm going to make your
insides great again.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I do protest.
I never injured
thee but love thee,
better than thou canst
devise till thou shalt know
the reason for my love.
And so, good Capulet, whose name
I tender as dearly as mine own,
be satisfied.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Cool, cool.
So this would be where
Mercutio jumps in.
And Mercutio is
Romeo's ride-or-die.
He is, like, going
to sacrifice himself
in honor of his best friend.
He is like Fred Weasley or
the blind guy in "Rogue One."
But it turns out our
Mercutio actually isn't here.
Yeah, she used Apple Maps to
try to find this location.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Ooh.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Burn!
So she's in Cupertino.
So she didn't make it.
But we do need a Mercutio.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
And I got that.
You find the person.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Actually,
I feel like you,
sir, you with the blue.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
You look like you moisturize.
Get up here!
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Hi,
thank you so much.
What's your name?
CHRIS: Chris.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Chris, awesome.
Chris, I have just
two favors for you.
The first, can you
help me with my SEO?
CHRIS: Uh, what?
[LAUGHTER]
MIKE SAUSE: He doesn't
know what SEO is.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: He's in Sales.
Found it.
That's all right.
CAITLIN MORRIS: And the second,
I want you to play Mercutio.
And all you have to
do is just read off
of-- just come over here.
Can you just-- here, just take
a seat right here, center stage.
Look at you.
Oh, my god, your facial
hair is incredible.
So you're just going to
read off of these cards,
and then I'll
instruct you as we go.
All right, ready?
Three, two, one--
UNISON: Shakespeare.
CHRIS: I am hurt.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Great, great, great.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Next card.
Next card.
Next card.
CHRIS: Ask me tomorrow, and
you shall find me a grave man.
MIKE SAUSE: Oh!
What a joke!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Keep going.
Keep going.
CHRIS: Caitlin, I know we
just met, but I work in tech.
And if you--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, my god!
Stop.
Not in front of these people.
We'll talk about it later.
Stop it.
He just really [INAUDIBLE].
CHRIS: A plague on
both your houses!
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK, now die.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Right there.
Oh, wow!
MIKE SAUSE: Oh, shit!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yes!
[APPLAUSE]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh, no.
Stay right there.
Oh, god!
[SCREAMING] Ah!
Mercutio!
Oh, I swear!
I will avenge you.
Here, I'm going to take this
ring to remember you by.
I'm gonna take-- just take--
no, no, no, that's mine now.
You're dead.
So you go.
Go be dead over there, though.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Oh, no, no, no.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Thank you for your--
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
I'm avenging you.
This is very--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Give
him back the ring.
Come on.
That's worth more than
your fucking savings.
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you so much.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Very true.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
We'll talk later.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Tybalt!
Take back that villain again
which latest thou gavest me,
for Mercutio's soul
is but a little ways
above our head staying for
thine to keep him company.
Either thou or I
must go with him.
MIKE SAUSE: Thou
wretched boy which
did consort him here
shalt with him hence.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: This
shall determine that!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MIKE SAUSE: Ooh, yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Here
you go, daggers.
It's so important.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Oh, don't lick it.
I licked it.
UNISON: Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I am parrying,
I am parrying, I am parrying.
Oh, we ran out of stage.
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: And oh!
MIKE SAUSE: Yes!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: No!
UNISON: Spin move, ah, oh, ha.
Another spin move.
Ah!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Break it up!
Break it up!
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
I was so close.
MIKE SAUSE: I'm
going to kill you.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
That's not fair.
Don't you tell me what to do.
CAITLIN MORRIS: You're
both so important to me.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Caitlin, drink some water.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I don't
want anyone to get hurt!
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
How are you feeling?
Whatever.
MIKE SAUSE: Five,
six, seven, eight.
[MUSIC - MICHAEL JACKSON, "BEAT
 IT"]
[LAUGHTER]
CAITLIN MORRIS: What?
What?
Dance break?
Boom!
Shake, shake.
Mm.
Dish it out.
Dish it out.
Body roll, body roll.
Woo!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: [SCREAMS] Ah!
MIKE SAUSE: Oh.
UNISON: Oh.
Oh.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Ah.
MIKE SAUSE: Ah.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Gah.
MIKE SAUSE: Oh.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah.
Gah!
MIKE SAUSE: Ah!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Gah!
Dah!
Oh.
Oh.
Gah.
Oh!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my god!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Ah!
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Stop it So graphic.
Just so graphic.
Get off of him.
So we get the point, right?
Tybalt is slain.
And also, my husband, Mercutio--
actually this is for you.
Thank you for your service.
Drink that after work.
Don't be weird.
[LAUGHTER]
So everyone is dead.
There's blood everywhere.
It's like the Red
Wedding up in here.
But Juliet does not
know any of this
has happened, because she
is in her bedroom reading
"Fifty Shades of Grey,"
trying to figure out
how her machinery works.
[LAUGHTER]
Gallop apace, you
fiery-footed steeds,
towards Phoebus' lodging.
Such a wagoner as Phaeton
would whip you to the west
and bring in cloudy
night immediately.
Come, civil night, thou
sober-suited matron,
all in black.
And learn me how
to lose a winning
match played for a pair
of stainless maidenhoods.
Come gentle night.
Come loving, black-
browed night.
Bring me my Romeo!
And when he shall die,
take him, and cut him out
into little stars.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
MIKE SAUSE: That's
my entrance line?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh yeah.
You know it.
You speak the Espanol.
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK, so
the nurse comes in, right?
And what's important to note
is that the role of the nurse
is like the consummate
character actor role, OK?
So Mike, I think you
should deliver it
as the consummate character
actor, Christopher Walken.
Thank you so much.
MIKE SAUSE: OK.
(AS CHRISTOPHER WALKEN)
Wow, Juliet baby.
Tybalt is gone.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I know.
MIKE SAUSE: Romeo
is banish-shed.
Romeo, that killed
him, he is banish-shed.
Pound sign, banned.
Sorry, baby, boom, I'm crazy.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I can't
make sense of anything
you're saying because
your syntax is so weird.
So anyway, moral of the story
is that, like, Romeo has
been banish-shed from the area.
And he's super bummed about it.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
[YELLING] Banish-shed equal
than or greater than
death, hashtag angry,
hashtag all caps,
hashtag pray for Houston.
[LAUGHTER]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Mm, super.
MIKE SAUSE: That
went over great.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Just for you.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
So Romeo finds out
that he's about
to be exiled, too.
He's, like, before
I go, before I go,
I should see Juliet
one last time.
So he sneaks into
Juliet's bedroom window
so they can catch the
last train to Bone Town.
[MUSIC - MARVIN GAYE, "LET'S GET
 IT ON"]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Ooh, yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, show
me that dongle, baby.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Ooh.
Let's suspend the disbelief and
forget that we're 14 years old
and all we know about this was
taught to us by a gym teacher.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah!
Bring it.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
You ready for this?
Here we go.
UNISON: Simulated sex!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Sex!
UNISON: Sex!
Sex!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: And--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Sex!
Sex!
Wait, is that it?
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Ooh, yeah, that's it.
[LAUGHTER] Woo!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Man, it
really is so much worse
than I thought it
was going to be.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
That's life, baby.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK.
So needless to say,
they do the deed.
Juliette's parents
are downstairs.
They have no idea that Romeo is
currently mining her back end
for dirty data.
[LAUGHTER]
But because they have no
idea about the relationship,
they've already betrothed
her to someone else,
to one of Lord Capulet's
golf buddies, Paris.
And Paris is like--
Paris is like the Verona
equivalent of Paul Ryan, right?
Like he's handsome enough,
he's got a nice set of abs,
but he has no spine.
MIKE SAUSE: [LAUGHS] Oh!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Juliet
is not about that life.
She's, like, I just spent the
best 14 seconds of my life--
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
I'm 14 years old.
Leave me alone.
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK,
well, a second per year.
And she doesn't want
to get into that.
So she goes to the Friar, right?
Now, the Friar is the
lovers' mutual drug dealer--
think, like, Jesse Pinkman
from "Breaking Bad"--
and he's always providing Romeo
with grass, Juliet with oxy.
He's just generally
way too involved.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Very dark.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I know.
It is-- it's a tragedy!
So he comes in.
He's like, I've got a plan.
Hit it!
MIKE SAUSE: Yo!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: God.
MIKE SAUSE: Listen, Juliet,
I got a perfect plan.
You're going to take
a potion, bitch.
And then, it's going
to be like you're dead.
But you're actually asleep.
Science, bitch!
CAITLIN MORRIS: First of all,
I am offended by the B word.
Second of all, with a plan
like that, she's like,
what could possibly go wrong?
Turns out "everything"
is the answer.
Because Romeo does not get
the DM about the potion plan.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh, I should
have trusted all of my data
with just Google Drive.
Fuck Microsoft Office
Suite, am I right?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah,
that's what did it.
So he doesn't know that
she's just sleeping and not
actually dead.
He shows up to the tomb,
thinks she's really dead.
Freaks out.
Kills Paul Ryan.
And then he stands
over her lifeless body.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Right.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Let's make a tomb.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: A tomb.
MIKE SAUSE: Why are you--
CAITLIN MORRIS: I'm
going to do it this way.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah,
that would make sense.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Great.
Great.
I'm just going to
get in my tomb pose.
Hold on a second.
I have to look pretty
while I'm dead.
Also, I have Spanx
on, don't worry.
OK, thank you.
MIKE SAUSE: You good?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Thank you, yeah.
I'm sleeping.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh, my love!
My wife, death that hath
sucked the honey of thy lips
have had no power
yet o'er thy beauty.
Thou art not conquered.
Here will I remain.
Here, in this gawdy auditorium
with more collective wealth
than the country of Liberia.
Here, with worms that
are your chambermaids.
Here will I set up
my everlasting rest
and shake the yoke
of inauspicious
stars from this
world-wearied flesh.
Eyes, look your last.
CAITLIN MORRIS: [GIGGLES]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Nice.
I'm 14, be cool.
Arms!
Take your last embrace.
And lips, oh you, the doors of
breath, seal with a righteous
kiss a dateless bargain
to engrossing death.
CAITLIN MORRIS: [KISSING SOUND]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh, that
must be the rigor mortis
pucker setting in.
That's good.
That's good.
And mwah!
OK, here's to my--
I didn't-- I did not bring
a potion with me for this.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, no!
You don't have a potion?
I like drinking buddies.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Green apple, thanks.
Here's to my love.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Give
it a chug, yeah.
UNISON: Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug.
MIKE SAUSE: Chug, chug--
CAITLIN MORRIS:
You've been iced.
MIKE SAUSE: Chug, chug, chug.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah,
pink in the face.
MIKE SAUSE: Chug, chug, chug.
Yeah!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Wow, what a man.
[APPLAUSE]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh, god!
Oh, true apothecary!
Thy drugs are-- very sugary.
Thus, with a kiss,
oh, I need that.
MIKE SAUSE: You need that.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I die.
Oh!
CAITLIN MORRIS: [GASPS]
What's this?
A cup?
Thank you.
Closed in my true love's hand?
Poison, I see, hath
been his timeless end.
O churl, drunk all and
left no friendly drop
to help me after--
can I just get up for a sec?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I'm dead.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I'm
just-- but my legs--
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
I'm a method actor!
Fine.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Both
legs are going to sleep.
Thank you.
I will kiss thy lips.
Happily some poison
yet doth hang on them
to make die with a restorative.
MIKE SAUSE: Oh, god.
Oh, no!
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Really worth it, guys.
Wow.
Thy lips taste of green apple.
Yea, noise?
Then I'll be quick.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Yep, right there.
CAITLIN MORRIS: O happy
dagger, this is my sheath.
Thus, there rust,
and let me die.
Ah!
Come, tears
confound, out, sword,
and wound the pap of Pyramus.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: This is not
"Romeo and Juliet" anymore.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Ay, that left
Pap, where the heart doth hop.
Thus die.
Can I sit on your lap?
Thank you so much.
Die, die, die, die, die, eh!
It's so much more
comfy to die like this.
So good.
MIKE SAUSE: A glooming peace
this morning with it bring.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Now am I dead.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh, damn it.
Damn it.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Now am I fled.
My soul is in the sky.
Tongue, lose thy light.
Moon, take thy flight.
Get out of here, moon.
Thus die I. I'm going
to die on you again.
MIKE SAUSE: The
sun, for sorrow--
CAITLIN MORRIS: OK,
now I'm really dead.
MIKE SAUSE: --and all--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Is
this comfy for you?
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
MIKE SAUSE: Are you dead yet?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah, I'm dead.
[LAUGHTER]
MIKE SAUSE: For never was
a story of more woe, than
this of Juliet--
CAITLIN MORRIS: What's up?
MIKE SAUSE: --and her Romeo.
There, we did it!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Hey!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Buddy!
Nice to meet you.
You smell amazing!
MIKE SAUSE: The fastest,
drunkest Shakespeare's "Romeo
and Juliet."
Now we're going to have a
quick Q&A here in a second.
But make sure you go to
online DrunkShakespeare.com.
Also, check us out at our
hidden library at 43rd
and 8th for a show.
And please check us out on
social media @DrunkShakes.
And let's bring up
Henry and the gang.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Henry and the gang!
MIKE SAUSE: Henry and the gang!
CAITLIN MORRIS: Cuckoo!
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I'm going to--
HENRY FAULKNER: One more time
for our cast, Mike, Caitlin
and Whit.
[APPLAUSE]
MIKE SAUSE: And the Sause.
HENRY FAULKNER:
Not only incredibly
entertaining and informative--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Where do I sit?
HENRY FAULKNER: --but probably
one of the greatest challenges
our transcriber has
ever encountered.
[LAUGHTER]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Nailed it.
Nailed it.
HENRY FAULKNER: My
favorite was just
the parentheses, the part
where they just gave up,
"speaks foreign language."
[LAUGHTER]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: America has no
official language, just saying.
LISA KLAGES: That's true.
HENRY FAULKNER: All right.
Do we have questions?
Oh, so many questions.
AUDIENCE: Hey, there.
Thank you for coming out.
This was wonderful.
How do you decide which
show you what to do
each night, for each show?
SCOTT GRIFFIN: It's a secret.
So we don't actually
say what the show
is until after the first
four shots of whisky.
AUDIENCE: To each other?
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Oh no.
We know what's going on.
MIKE SAUSE: We know.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh,
I like your shirt.
[LAUGHTER]
MIKE SAUSE: Just in case--
just in case you ever forget
where you're at, you know.
AUDIENCE: Kind of a
thing we wear here.
HENRY FAULKNER: No one here
pays for their own clothing.
CAITLIN MORRIS: This
is a caramel brownie.
HENRY FAULKNER: Other questions?
CAITLIN MORRIS: You
guys have great snacks.
HENRY FAULKNER: Those
are the hazelnut meringue
from La Place?
CAITLIN MORRIS: So good.
They're so good.
HENRY FAULKNER: They're
on fleek, as the kids say.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
They're fleek, yeah.
HENRY FAULKNER: They are.
[LAUGHTER]
Now, this has got to be,
like, this is probably
what you guys enjoy
every night, is
that you've done
this whole thing
and you have this adrenaline.
And you have a drunk friend
who's just hanging out.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah.
What's up, Columbia?
HENRY FAULKNER: Yeah.
AUDIENCE: Do you guys
have after parties?
And if so, what do you
do with the flat tire?
[LAUGHTER]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Listen, I'm
the transmission of that car.
[LAUGHTER]
I don't know anything about
cars, but that seems important.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
That's cool, yeah.
We don't really have--
we do cast outings, which,
much like an event like this,
is about bringing everybody
together, or sharing
a different experience than
what we do on a day to day.
A cast party is
usually, like, after you
wrap, after you end the show.
And our little
independent-show-thatcould
just keeps rambling onward.
We do go out after the show.
We went out--
MIKE SAUSE: We went
out last night.
It started out as
fun drinks, and then
as my Bengals started
to suck and suck more,
it was sad drinks for me.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Sad drinking,
a lot of sad drinking.
A lot of yeah, yeah, yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I'm so sorry.
LISA KLAGES: Also, the
flat tire gets a car home
at the end of the night.
[LAUGHTER]
MIKE SAUSE: It's all
about that Uber, you know.
HENRY FAULKNER: And parents,
please, don't be shy.
You're also welcome to the mic.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Parents
are so important.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Let's
just answer the first one.
I'll answer the first
question from the parents
who are at the back--
huge disappointments.
Huge.
MIKE SAUSE: To our families.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: No problem.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Do
you have a question?
AUDIENCE: Yeah, I
have a question.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Hi.
AUDIENCE: Awesome show--
I wonder if you guys have
ever heard of Shakespeare
Improv from Chicago.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yes.
Oh, my god.
They're good.
AUDIENCE: It's my favorite show.
And you guys are now up there.
[LAUGHTER]
HENRY FAULKNER: Wow.
MIKE SAUSE: Oh.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Drunk seconds.
AUDIENCE: But I'm kidding.
MIKE SAUSE: The
treasured "up there."
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Take that.
Whoo!
AUDIENCE: No, no.
You guys are amazing.
Do you guys ever want to do
a collaboration or anything?
MIKE SAUSE: I would.
I mean, because I'm
an improviser, that's
my main background, I saw them
in Chicago two months ago.
And I was just blown
away that anyone
would have an hour
and a half show
with an intermission for improv.
And it was, by far, one
of the top improv things
I've ever seen.
I mean, I would die to
do something with them.
AUDIENCE: If you guys could make
that happen, that would be--
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah?
CAITLIN MORRIS: We're on it.
We're on it.
Do you know any people?
HENRY FAULKNER: So are we
officially challenging--
MIKE SAUSE: Producer?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Make
it happen, Scott.
MIKE SAUSE: He's the one
that's gonna make it happen.
HENRY FAULKNER: A
Shakespeare off.
Or a Shakes off.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: A shakes off?
HENRY FAULKNER: Shake it off.
MIKE SAUSE: That sounds dirty.
HENRY FAULKNER: Oh.
This is where we're drawing
the line on the show, now?
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We don't make dirty jokes here.
Come on.
What's up, Vinnie?
MIKE SAUSE: Do
you know his name?
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Yeah, we're friends.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Jesus.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I died on him.
I have to know his name.
Come on.
HENRY FAULKNER: Oh.
And this is great,
now that we have--
you guys are going to
live forever on YouTube.
Oh, no!
[LAUGHTER]
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Well,
it will definitely
be the first time any
portion of our show
has appeared on YouTube.
CAITLIN MORRIS: My
grandma is so proud.
HENRY FAULKNER: Which
begs the question,
how often do your parents
come and see the show?
And if you know
you've got parents,
do you want to especially
be drunk or not
be drunk that night?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah, my
parents have come a lot.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: I think maybe
they're just checking in on me.
But they come-- oh, my god.
It's the same guy.
HENRY FAULKNER: We
actually all look the same.
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Google shirt!
Google shirt!
MIKE SAUSE: Freaking
me out, man.
AUDIENCE: I have a twin
who also works here.
I'm not the same guy.
CAITLIN MORRIS: You're
wearing the same shirt.
AUDIENCE: I was wondering
about the impersonations.
Do you guys give each other the
set-ups to do characters that
you know each other can nail
every time, or are you really,
like--
HENRY FAULKNER: And can you
answer that question in voices?
MIKE SAUSE: Like?
What voices do you want?
WHIT LEVENBERGER: I mean,
it kind of works out,
like, we try a bunch of stuff.
And some stuff works,
and some stuff doesn't.
And so the next time--
HENRY FAULKNER: That
happens here, too.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yeah.
And the next time
we do it, we will
keep most of the
ones that worked
and then try new ones for
the ones that didn't work.
And then, over time,
you just kind of learn.
We always want to
keep a few wild cards,
just to keep exploring
and keep finding
new material for the show.
MIKE SAUSE: (AS
GEORGE W. BUSH) Yeah.
Sometimes you gotta just
throw spaghetti at a wall.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: All right.
MIKE SAUSE: And whatever
sticks, that's what you keep.
That's my life philosophy.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Thank you, W.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Thank you, W.
CAITLIN MORRIS: We
also had one show
where someone made all of us
do Michael Caine impressions.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Oh, my god.
CAITLIN MORRIS: And
that was really bad.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: That was
really, really spectacularly--
CAITLIN MORRIS: All I
could say was Master Bruce.
Master Bruce.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
You sound like--
CAITLIN MORRIS:
Oh, Master Bruce.
She was only 16.
[LAUGHTER]
MIKE SAUSE: She was only 16.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: She was
only 16, Master Wayne.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Yeah,
we sort of made a rule
that that bit was
never allowed again.
MIKE SAUSE: Oh, yeah.
That bit was banned.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Forever
in our hearts, mate.
HENRY FAULKNER: If you could
keep one thing for posterity,
that was it.
MIKE SAUSE: Oh.
AUDIENCE: Hi.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Hi.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Hi.
AUDIENCE: How are you doing?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Great.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: So good.
So good.
AUDIENCE: OK, so have you ever
done a show with two people
drunk?
[LAUGHTER]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Not on purpose.
MIKE SAUSE: Officially?
CAITLIN MORRIS: Not officially.
DAVID HUDSON: There
certainly, early on,
were several shows where
the entire cast started
drinking midway
through the show, which
turned into crazy,
crazy nights of chaos.
We try to do a good
job now of limiting it.
Because there is
drinking-- they are already
drinking enough each week.
So we try to make sure that--
and we want to keep that single
flat tire and not the whole car
just slow rolling down the--
WHIT LEVENBERGER: On fire on
the side of the road, yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
AUDIENCE: Thank you.
MIKE SAUSE: Thank you.
HENRY FAULKNER: Have
you ever thought
about a matinee of just,
like, hungover Shakespeare?
MIKE SAUSE: Oh, baby.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, man.
That would be brutal.
That would be--
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Just
coffee for everyone.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Just so angry.
CAITLIN MORRIS: And lots
of bagels and fried eggs.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: We could do
"Titus" that way, just scream
the whole way through.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: So we're actually
about to launch a new show,
which we haven't announced yet.
But we can announce it now.
MIKE SAUSE: A Google exclusive!
HENRY FAULKNER: As
good a time as any.
LISA KLAGES: I'm excited.
CAITLIN MORRIS: And YouTube.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: We
get a lot of requests
from teachers, high
school teachers,
who think this is a really fun
introduction to Shakespeare.
Of course, we can't
bring all the drinking
into the classroom, as much
as the teachers would like to.
So we're launching a new show
called "Junk Shakespeare."
And it's kind of like
extreme food challenges
meeting Shakespeare.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Adam
Richman, watch out.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: With a lot
of opportunity for revenge
from the performers.
So this will be for
high school students,
similar to the kind of thing
that you're seeing today.
But taking out the
alcohol and replacing it
with things like a shot of--
DAVID HUDSON: Mustard!
SCOTT GRIFFIN: --espresso
with soy sauce.
DAVID HUDSON: And mustard.
LISA KLAGES: Pickle juice.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Boo.
MIKE SAUSE: Ew.
DAVID HUDSON: That
sounds super-fun.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Pickleback.
DAVID HUDSON: A lot
of eating chilies.
LISA KLAGES: Pop rocks.
WHIT LEVENBERGER:
Yeah, oh, yeah.
LISA KLAGES: Barbecue sauce.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: We did that.
That was fun.
SCOTT GRIFFIN: We've
been experimenting.
LISA KLAGES: We've been playing.
HENRY FAULKNER:
Like, wow, that's--
CAITLIN MORRIS: Do you
need a minute, Henry?
HENRY FAULKNER: You're
just basically letting
high schoolers dictate the show?
Right?
SCOTT GRIFFIN: Yeah.
So it's high schoolers
giving challenges.
But it's also the cast giving
challenges to each other.
So there will be
challenges set up, and then
revenge challenges that come
back throughout the show.
HENRY FAULKNER: So
there's a whole meta
arc to this theater company.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Yes.
HENRY FAULKNER: You're
drinking together.
You're sort of all
over each other.
And then the next day--
CAITLIN MORRIS: What?
HENRY FAULKNER: --you're,
like, challenge.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: The dagger.
HENRY FAULKNER: Yeah.
CAITLIN MORRIS: Oh, it's
my new hair accoutrement.
You guys should try it.
It's very cute.
HENRY FAULKNER: Well,
thank you very much.
This has been absolutely
one of the-- certainly,
one of the best Fridays
we've had in a while.
Actually, no, If you're a parent
here, this is every Friday.
This is formal.
It just works as intended.
Another big round of
applause for the cast
of "Drunk Shakespeare."
[APPLAUSE]
CAITLIN MORRIS: Now do we
get to ask them questions?
MIKE SAUSE: Yeah.
DAVID HUDSON: Caitlin wants
to ask the audience questions.
HENRY FAULKNER: Oh, yeah.
That's-- totally.
CAITLIN MORRIS:
I've got questions
for all of you involving
my SEO situation.
Anyway, I'm kidding.
I have to pee.
OK.
I gotta go pee.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Caitlin
Morris, ladies and gentlemen.
HENRY FAULKNER: She's a peach.
All right.
Well, thank you very much.
We look forward to seeing
more from you guys.
And yeah, come back again.
We have nine cafes.
So there's all sorts of
weird food challenges
you can make here.
Bring it back.
We come up with
some weird dishes.
WHIT LEVENBERGER: Cool.
HENRY FAULKNER: All right.
MIKE SAUSE: Thank you so much.
Thanks for having us.
HENRY FAULKNER: All right.
Cheers.
[APPLAUSE]
MIKE SAUSE: Thank you.
