

# REDUCE HOME TIME MANAGEMENT STRESS RIGHT NOW

By Earnest Long

Copyright 2012 Earnest Long

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

# Chapter 1, Home Stress

Home Time Management Stress is feeling you do not have enough time to get things done in your home life. As well, you may also have problems managing your time because you feel bored. And you might want to pep up your conversation by managing your time better to read more or watch more TV, but you never get round to it.

You may have goals of learning how to sketch and paint, to learn a musical instrument or of trying to write a novel. You may wish at some future date to become a famous artist or a writer or even to be a pop star. Maybe, though, you may just want friends and to have some interest in life and you can give up any overambitious goals. And you might hope that you don't find there are still problems managing your time.

This book is for everyone like you.

HOW TO READ THIS BOOK

The material in this book is in GOAL-SETTING, COMPUTERS, SOCIAL SKILLS, and SELF-HELP chapters and a CONCLUSION. All these subjects cause home time-management stress.

GOAL-SETTING is time management on its own. This chapter is the essentials of time management.

The next chapter is about COMPUTERS. This chapter is on computers, but other chapters are also useful for computers. The chapter gives someone's experiences of using a computer for home projects and offers a more general discussion. For example, when someone uses a computer he/she may have problems coping with managing his/her time. Or they may have problems using a computer to help them in this management of their time.

The chapter on SOCIAL SKILLS is because poor social skills often cause home time-management stress. As well, poor home time management causes social skills stress when someone feels they must have done something they can talk about, but worry they can't make the time to do a good amount of hobbies and interests. Also, it is included as it is often a goal in itself. And wanting good social skills may motivate you to use your time better.

Next, the chapter SELF-HELP is in this book because the reader who has poor home time management may only manage his time poorly because he is more generally worried. Also, he/she cannot keep to their plans particularly when these plans raise issues over their personal and social life. Also, they may read the self-help books about being a success and other self-help books, but they find it hard to make the time to do things they want.

The last chapter is CONCLUSIONS that connect things together again as here, but by then the reader will have read the book.

# Chapter 2, Goal-Setting

Goal-setting and time management cause stress. Some take many hours every day worrying about how to use their time. They feel they are not achieving their goals because they do not spend enough time on them. Some people worry about it for years. A big waste of time is worrying about the process of how you might plan to improve time use.

You might waste any time now only because you worry. An easy thing if you could do it would be to make basic changes that give you more time. But how can you do this? This book may have some answers.

Goal-setting asks two questions:-

What do you want?

How do you get it?

You could say that the second of these questions, 'How do you get it?' is 'time management'. And you could say that the first, 'What do you want?' is 'goal-setting'. However, the two terms are often interchangeable. For goal-setting, you decide on what is important to you, what you want and what will make you happy. Then these are your 'goals'.

You can reduce stress by doing less time management. Goal-setting itself may only take an hour a few times in your life. You could even do it in your head and you do not need to make To Do Lists, keep notes of how you spend your time or to endlessly problem-solve. These are stressful. When your goal-setting is correct to start with, it is more likely to succeed. The only people who need time management are office workers and they work 9–5 and have plenty of breaks. Also, they learn time management at college and on the job. When you try to use the same techniques at home, you will fail. When you write a plan, do not. Any plan you have to remember. Written plans are also often hard to understand.

Someone the author knew described his experience of time management. He said that for some years, he has tried to improve his personal life, but he'd had poor results with goal-setting.

He says,

I only started goal-setting, or time management as it is also called, as I had heard about it working in an office. After hearing about it, I started writing personal plans at home. Then I rewrote them because I was unhappy with them.

Some tips from the office,

'You do not have to share a personal plan with anyone. So you do not need to write it down or type it. This saves many hours typing or writing'.

'You only need to write anything down you have to remember'.

'Better, don't make any plan as you might spend time on it whatever your intentions'.

'You are unlikely to do any more than a fraction of the things you might like to, so keep to a few things at a time'.

To begin with, I did not remember these tips. And even when I did, I spent too long on goal-setting. I do not think it is possible to manage your time in the same way you did in an office. Personal life and office work is different. With office work, your supervisor gives you the tasks to do and you do not really manage your own time. Even if you did plan your own work more, then it would probably not be the same. The lesson I was able to learn was that you do not need to plan your time on paper. What you really have to do is get up and go to bed at reasonable times; you need to wash, clean and to cook; do exercise; shop, and then read a bit and watch TV a bit. Other than read a bit and watch TV a bit if you did not do the rest you would die, so you are doing them quite well already. And all you have to do is switch on the TV or pick up a book. Then you have other things for your health. It is not really very difficult.

It is stressful to try too hard to improve time use by making notes or using a computer. At the start of a project, someone lacks the skills needed to do it. And they learn skills they need only over a long period. As well, they need skills they did not learn in the office. Working in an office, you can see if you are succeeding by using metrics, which are figures you compare with earlier periods. An example for home time management is the number of films you watched in a month compared to last month.

You measure some goals differently to other goals. For example, doing some exercises each day, watching so many hours of TV each evening or setting the TV to record. Metrics are part of planning. They tell you when you are keeping to your plan, but to be useful they should take very little time and effort and not be stressful. It can, however, be time-consuming to keep records and then to data enter them on a computer and analyze them. For your personal life, you can remember the metrics you need without writing, such as body weight, weight you have lifted or the next book on the shelf you will read. As well, perhaps keep a notebook and write down the book's title, author and write down the publisher. Do this when you have finished a book. Doing this, you will remember what you have read and you can see how many books you have finished. It takes a few minutes only each week and can motivate you to do more reading. And as it reminds you what you have read, it improves your social skills as well.

Trying to do more overall is often impossible unless you improve your health so you feel less tired. And unless you are fitter and healthier, you cannot do more overall. You must still do daily tasks that can take a lot of time each day. Also, you need breaks for the sake of your health.

For you to succeed, all you may need to do is prioritize some activities over others and cut out some tasks completely. Deciding what your goals are is crucial for a number of reasons. Saying something you do anyway is a goal increases the total time you spend on goals! What goals you do will decide your achievements. When painting is not a goal, you will never be an artist! Something is more worthwhile if you are better at it, you do more of it in a shorter time, you find the task easier and pleasanter or you achieve more. One of the most important plans you can make is to improve health. If you did this without making any other plan, you would most likely be a success. It would not be just because you were healthy but also for other things, including home time management. One thing you can do to cut stress is to have a clearer idea of your goals. Then you can address all of your worries and see how you can do more to work towards your goals.

They say, 'you have to at first try. But if you don't at first succeed, you can try again a second time'. But first, try some tips that help without even having to try. Do not think something is 'all or nothing'. Often you are a success if you have at least done some of your goal. For example, if you want to read more, then you will be able to read more if you read at least sometimes. But you don't have to read all the time. This should be enough for you to feel you've done your reading goals. If you did not do that much reading this week, then you can always read a bit more next week. You would not feel as disappointed as if you did none at all this week and as well, as you've had some practice you are more likely to succeed next week.

Turn failure into a goal. For example, you watch late night news or chat shows to pass the time when you cannot sleep and feel you are wasting your time doing this. You do not have watching these shows as a goal because you have reading novels as a preoccupation, but you cannot late at night when you feel tired. Look at this more positively and think the chat show guests have had interesting lives and that they sometimes invite novelists on the show. Also, that if you met someone, you could more easily talk about the chat show than you could a novel you'd read. Then all those late nights you thought were only passing the time become goals you have done.

Do not be discouraged when things do not go to plan. For example, you plan to watch more films. So perhaps, you set a goal of watching a film every day. You do this because your friends also watch films and you want to have watched some before you meet them again. Yet you feel you have many problems keeping to it and you write an endless diary or make notes trying to solve your problems or to give your life some perspective. At times, you feel the need to communicate about your worries and how you are doing. And you might do it to a page if you others don't want to talk about problems. This means you have watched few if any films. And now you worry how you will look to your friends. They will see what you say as problems they do not want to discuss. Now you regret planning and writing for so long. It took longer than you thought and you have not even bothered reading it again as it was so long and did not say much. Do not be discouraged. Think you needed the time to think and write or you would not have done it. As well, it was so you could relax a bit better when you met your friends again. And you still have your friends to see next time when you might have watched some more films. If your friends really did tell you they did not want to see you again, you would realize that you did not come up to their standards. You may want to take time to solve your problems and make new friends later or tell your existing friends you will see them again but need time to yourself as well.

Standing still is achieving something not going backward, as you could always get worse. Not getting any worse may be an achievement for you. And not getting worse is not so hard to do. Also, you can still try to improve next week.

If you are worse already, you can only get better. Say you do no hobbies or interests at all but you would like to read and watch TV to improve your social skills. Then, do not have 'all or nothing' thinking and think that you have to read a complete book every day or have watched two films a day or otherwise you are a failure. Rather, consider that anything you do is an improvement. If you read one book a week from reading no books a week, you would be well on your way to improving your life as you wanted. And success will bring more success. For example, if you improved your reading skills, then you could read even more and better books. One reason that someone might not read more than a little is being out of practice. You could strain your eyes if you tried to read too much all at once when you are not used to it. Also, you only have to do the smallest thing to start with so that you can build on it. Any improvement you do make, if not big for others, is important for you.

It may be physically impossible to do much more anyway. For example, you might not be able to read a lot if you are out of practice as you could strain your eyes if you were not used to it.

As well, you are only competing against yourself. Your goals are your own and make you who you are. Others may not have the same goals as you. For example, if you want to read novels someone else is quite happy never to read at all. As well, you cannot say they are wrong to do that. So you can become the kind of person you want without worrying. Others may have no interest in doing the same things as you. Yet they can all get along and they can all talk to each other. So this is another reason that you do not really have to do much. Everyone must need to do very little to have something in common.

Try your hardest to think of how to succeed without having to do so much work. You may feel too ambitious. For example, someone may feel to improve their social skills they need to have read widely and to have a detailed knowledge of the arts and literature and as well to be up on current affairs. However, you do not have to do any of these as watching TV for even one evening might be all you need to hold a conversation with anyone you meet the next day. Do not criticize anything anyone tells you that they did very little to succeed and as well think that you know better than they do. They are probably telling the truth, but you may not know all they are saying if you have different experiences from them.

You can also try bluffing and see how far this gets you. For example, read a book or two about an artist and then say you like this artist. Some might be disapproving. But others would like to let you have a go at talking about the artist. And they'd be interested to see how well you talked about him or her and how much you'd picked up and so soon. And they might, after some thought, give you some advice about art or say that they liked talking to you about art.

The easiest way to succeed sometimes is to not do as much of the things you find hard even if you do not cut them out completely. An example might best illustrate this. You might worry that channel hopping is wasting your time and affecting your concentration, but you think that this is something that it is best to cut out completely and not to try just to do it less. One way to problem-solve is to copy others. For example, you can see that they type in the numbers of the channels. With a little effort to remember these channel numbers, you can also do the same. As well, if you want to know what is on, you might find it convenient to buy a TV guide. Or you may cut channel hopping by some feature of the channel guide such as categories of TV.

Do not be overambitious. Not being overambitious may make you succeed only because your goals are easier and less stressful. Easier and less stressful goals are desirable in themselves. You may do more when you are more relaxed. And you can think through any problems better when more relaxed. A paradox is that when you are less ambitious, then often you will do more. Indeed, you may even do your earlier ambitions as you can see they are easier than you thought. Also, if you can do something that works and that is not hurried or not done out of stress, you will do your goals sooner and not later. Your goals may need less work than you thought. So long as you do a little towards them, you could succeed. Being overambitious often leads to doing nothing towards goals because all you do is make plans. And when the goal is overambitious, you end up in a cycle of trying and failing. This is because you have set yourself up to fail by having a hard-to-achieve ambition, and then you try harder to succeed again because the ambition is worthwhile.

'Succeed where you can and accept failure where you cannot succeed' is a maxim.

In short, over-ambition is one of the biggest reasons to fail. It makes you unable to relax and spend too much time and effort planning. And you worry about ever succeeding. Do not be overambitious by limiting your goals. And getting advice on them may cut your ambitions. Also, do not fall into bad thought processes such as 'all or nothing', 'someone who says it's easy is lying to me' and 'any change is massively difficult'. The easiest change is to do a bit less of hobbies that are too much like hard work and do something you enjoy that is easier and just as enjoyable, such as watching the TV or reading a thriller. As well, whilst this is a big change it is also the least risky. And it involves the least stress once you've made the decision and you do it.

And getting up from your desk and going to your bookcase, picking up a book and sitting down in your armchair to read, might be the only decision you really have to make. Your desk has all its electronic gadgets, papers and other materials, but you can leave it for a while. You can also watch a movie or documentary but not anything to do with your personal ambitions. And isn't a job or career they pay you for enough to cope with? It should be enough. And isn't it enough reason to get up in the mornings? It should be quite enough.

Office workers know how to plan and do it professionally. They train for some months at secretarial college to learn some basic admin, to use a computer and to plan. And when you know how to plan, it is less stressful. As well, planning is unhealthy in other ways, such as you overuse a computer, do too much handwriting and have no time to do normal things or to go out. And anything you do not know how to do is stressful. That includes ambitions you may have and that you need to learn how to do like any worthwhile activity you'd want to take time on. And planning when you don't know how to plan or you don't have much experience of planning is stressful.

Some tips from office work are,

'Don't keep records you don't need or that are not relevant'

'Don't have unnecessary detail in notes'

'Balance out the time and effort keeping records against the gains you will make'

'You can buy published material and not write or use a WP yourself'

Yet there are many more tips that the Home PC User who is not an office worker really does not have time to learn. And this is when they really do have other things to do in their spare time than use a computer or make notes on paper.

Perhaps, to change anything about your life, try to go back a step. Revise the academic skills and subjects you did at school. This revision gives you a good general knowledge and some skills you may find useful. And it is quicker, easier and less stressful than trying to learn new skills or trying to acquire new knowledge. You understand old things you read better. As well, with some facts in your head, even if they are old ones, you are less worried. And after all, not worrying is all you really want as if you did not worry then you can see that your life would be better in many ways. Also, read as much as you can from published sources and do not make lots of records or notes. Making records and notes is hard to do, time-consuming and stressful. So any advice you can take without doing these is worthwhile as it saves time, effort and it saves worry. Then the notes you do keep are essential and to hand, you'll probably organize your notes better as there are fewer of them and you'll have more time to read them.

Deciding to change anything means critical thinking skills, planning and as well writing skills. You could spend years making plans and never succeed at anything without these skills. That is not to say someone cannot change without such skills. They may change their lives just by talking about their worries, as then they feel that they are normal or they find others really can give them advice. And someone can read a book they can easily understand that is for his or her particular problems and in a day, it can solve all their problems and worries they'd had for years.

One idea in planning is to decide if anything needs doing to start with. It is a massive saving in time and effort if you decide to do nothing! Other advice is to get knowledge about the activity you want to change. Again, when you understand what you want to change, you may think it does not need changing or you would change it differently to how you first thought of it. The best way you can help others and help yourself is often only to concern yourself with your own health and happiness and don't worry about what others are doing. You have complete control over your own life, but it is stressful to think you are persuading others about anything even if it is just for their own benefit. Or it is stressful when others aren't listening to you when you have something important you want to say, or you suggest something and they listen but don't do it.

Try to do things without worrying about them. Particularly, don't worry about things if they are essential. Many tasks fit into this category. As you have to do them, you know you should make time for them and solve any problems with them. And think of such tasks as something you definitely want to do. Also, when tasks are easy and quick such as tidying up, you have no good reason not to do them as much as possible.

Eliminating a task altogether makes planning easier. Sometimes, though, reducing a task but not eliminating it is better. Only you will know the difference. Doing a task that is stressful even for a short time can still be stressful. An example of all this is having snacks for a treat when you feel down despite being on a diet. So you feel bad about snacking and worry about it. Perhaps, you shouldn't have any snacks at all if you are going to worry about it later. Or you can have only one snack if you really want a snack. And don't feel stressed about it if you know you definitely did want a snack.

Goals are stressful, but you may feel that you must have at least some challenges. For example, you will get bored without challenges. Eliminate, though, goals that are too stressful. There is a virtuous circle of less stress causing better time use and better time use causing less stress. Stress causes poor time management and distraction into doing boring, repetitive and low priority activities. An important goal is to avoid stress to manage your time better. Reducing any stress you have in your life may mean your time management is better and you may not even need to do time management at all. Your only goal you need set yourself if you feel stressed is to cut out stress. And you can do this just for the sake of your health. This becomes a goal in itself and maintains interest in goal-setting.

Tiredness and worries may mean you don't do goals. The author's own research into time management found a very strong positive correlation between 'things you don't have to do' and the start to end of the month. And a very strong negative correlation for 'goals and things you have to do' for the same.

To achieve goals, make them easy to start with as this solves many problems you might have otherwise. Achieving goals makes you feel better about yourself because you are not a failure and they may improve your life in other ways. Yet easy-to-do things can improve your life, such as you can just watch more TV and there is no downside. To avoid goal-setting anxiety and still get benefits from using your time, make any goal easy. This means that as they are easy you can finish them and still have time to spare. For example, when you are in most of the day don't try to do lots if you feel it might be too much. Also, don't think of how many books you could finish in a week or how many films you could watch in a month, but watch some TV or read every day.

Have flexible goals. For example, you can have different goals when you are going to be out for the day. You might not have all your normal goals but you could, for example, still go to bed at a reasonable time.

Overambitious goals are often time-consuming. Sometimes something is important to you but you can see it gets in the way of other important ambitions. These other ambitions are sometimes easier to do and less stressful. For example, you may read about something because you feel it is important for the modern world. And so you think you should know about it. Yet none of your friends feels interested. The time you spend on it means you can't talk about other things. And if you do talk about this other interest, you bore your friends or they don't understand what you're saying. Also, they may not want to see you again. If a more important goal is to make friends as friendships give you pleasure, perhaps you can just concentrate on being a good friend to your friends.

Set easy-to-do goals for things you really want to do and then do them, today or tomorrow. For example, looking after your health is a priority. And do not worry if the odd day you are too busy and cannot do all your goals.

Long-term goals cause stress but you can cut this stress. Try to define goals more accurately as short, medium, or long-term when any of them are longer than a day or two. You can also redefine your goals and make long-term goals into short-term goals. A long-term goal such as becoming an artist is a short-term goal of booking yourself on an art course and then attending. Change some goals completely to make them short-term. For example, instead of writing a novel, you can also write short stories or shorter writing such as reviews and articles. Instead of becoming an all-round artist, learn to draw one particular subject or style of painting. This also has the advantage of giving you experience and skills and you can try a more ambitious project in the future. Another example is losing weight that might be a medium to long-term goal, but not snacking and doing exercise is a short-term plan. Also, sleeping better by going to bed early is a short-term plan. When you have a long-term ambition to make friends, have some easy to do stages. These easy stages are often enough on their own to make a start. For example, if you want a girlfriend, you can wash, buy new clothes, keep fit, buy some aftershave and you can read the latest novel. And don't try to have perfect conversation, which is a long-term goal. Have a weekly timetable or even a daily plan only. This may include almost all your ambitions. And include them however long-term they are in other ways.

To reduce stress from long-term goals, make them short-term goals and part of a daily plan or weekly timetable. Any other long-term goals divide into easy stages. When goals really are long-term, consider shorter-term alternatives. You can have more ambition later when you don't feel it will stress you as much. Cut worries by not making long-term plans and cutting the stress of long-term plans you do make.

For some goals that you still want, think whether you have followed all the advice you know. You are wasting unnecessary effort when you do not. And you are less likely to do your goals. For example, some things on plans are easy to follow, but you have heard of other factors about which you spend all your time worrying. Even when you think there are other factors, you may still do your goals with what you know already. Hard things are sometimes because you have not had the right advice yet. And you can only make a start when you do. So don't worry until then. To do your goals, follow easy-to-keep-to advice to the full and do not worry you are not doing the harder stuff. Doing anything towards your goals, you might succeed completely. Or you will do some of them. And you can get advice on the harder stuff later.

Some succeed only because they have good motivation. It could be something silly they tell themselves but that works.

For example,

Think that beauty alone will get you by and that all you need is your beauty sleep.

Think you are better than others around you are if they worry and you don't worry. And you know this because your mother told you it.

Think it is childish to worry.

Think that others will admire you for your muscles and well-toned body.

Think that the logical ultimate goal you have is to be the next leader of the country. But you can't be bothered because you may not be elected even if you were a candidate.

Go against your cynical view of the world and wholeheartedly support a politician or political party.

Think 'I'm useless, I realize that and I will never be anyone' if that makes your life easier.

Think you really are a nice person and everyone you meet sees that as long as you don't talk about worries or look worried. Otherwise, they'll get a bad first impression of you.

Have something, such as you enjoy your breaks, like shopping for new clothes or you like to have an evening to yourself in front of the TV when you don't answer the phone. You must have these because you're such a weak person that you need these things now and again, but you can be strong the rest of the time.

Think of something that works for you, but then don't tell anyone. If you do tell anyone, they might try to persuade you that you're being silly or illogical. Then if it works, keep to it. I've given some examples you can use but you can think of your own if you want instead.

Also, think of your problems that you would like to solve and the ones you have already solved. Chances are the ones that you solved were from getting the advice you needed, meeting different people or it was from having more opportunities.

Skills for problem-solving and time management are academic skills like those you would learn at school or college. This is why problem-solving for some is so hard and unproductive as they do not have such skills from their own education. And trying to solve problems without these skills takes time and effort and is stressful. As well, you may not succeed in your goals at all or have very little success if you try to do without skills you really need. If you have the skills you need already, or you can revise them, then problem-solving is a lot easier. And you are more likely to succeed in any goals.

A way round not having these skills is to have easy, plain advice that you can understand and follow if it wasn't that many books that might help you are quite technical and hard to read. Yet these books would help you if only you could understand them. Even when you have some reading skills, you could read books you think might help you for years without them helping you. Problem-solving may work well for some people if they have a good general education, as this is something that such an education would teach them to do. Others are likely to find it more difficult although they can still have some successes.

Poor concentration, due to tiredness or illness causes many problems. And poor concentration using a computer can cause problems, such as remembering to do exercise. You may only need to stop using a computer and get fit to do your goals.

Someone's experience after many years worrying about time management may help the reader.

He says,

"For many years I problem-solved. The stress and worry were immense. Sometimes I would not sleep at night. I stayed up trying to solve problems on my paper notebook or on my computer doing nothing for most of my spare time but making notes all the time. And I neglected my friends and social skills. By and by I realized that when you solved old problems, you always got new problems. This was true no matter how many old problems you solved. Solving the old problems gave rise to a new way of doing things and this new way of doing things gave rise to its own problems. So I had new problems again to solve. It was never-ending. I was reading a book on science and technology that said how many problems scientists had worked on sometimes for decades. Sometimes, as well, technology improved only bit by bit over centuries of innovation although sometimes it was quicker. I also got some other books of political and social history at about the same time. They told me that many people in the past had problems they lived with and coped with. And they solved some of these social problems only after the same problems had been around for a long time and sometimes longer than a lifetime. It is early days yet. Nevertheless, reading these books has helped me worry less about my own problems. Just by being a little patient, I feel I have solved problems. And not feeling stressed about problems, I don't find having problems bothers me. So it is as if I don't have the problems to start with anyway."

Solving problems can take time. Therefore, don't expect to solve all your problems all at once. Instead, work through problems one by one until you reach a tipping point where you begin to make progress on some of your goals. Pick ones that are either big ones first, ones that you are likely to solve with what you know now and perhaps pick small problems that you can solve quickly and easily. You will have to do this to some extent by trial and error. But by solving one problem every day, you may work through all your problems quickly and easily.

You can either make notes with a paper notebook and a pen or use a computer word processor. The advantage of a computer is that you can edit it. But the advantage of a paper notebook is it is easier to draw on and you may only need to keep your notes for a few days after you have done them anyway. Also, you want to keep your train of thought and generate new ideas and you can do this by going back over your notes and seeing your workings out. If you write or type in full, tiredness reduces how many ideas you generate.

When you think in the morning, you feel relaxed, refreshed and better able to solve problems. But when you start in the evening, you feel tired and find it hard to think of solutions. In the evening, you are more, though, aware of what you feel your worries are. But you can't concentrate to solve them. And in the morning you could solve them but you may not feel worried about anything. Solutions do not come so readily in the morning when you are not worried through tiredness, and you have to go back to first principles to find solutions.

Ask these questions to generate ideas and find solutions,

What resources do I have that may help?

Whom can I ask about this and how soon can I see them?

Do I need to buy anything or save up for anything?

What am I doing all right already? And could I do more of it?

What do I already know and where can I find out more information?

As well, you may only use a computer to make notes or write a diary. Instead, some find writing a poem better as it is more creative. Also, you may really be better off just reading and watching TV. And by not using your computer too much, you may improve your time use and as well, it is better for your health. The computer offers a way of working on your problems by making notes, etc. when really just looking up advice is better. Get online!

Many ordinary people can give you the advice you need. This is because everyone wants the same things. They want a partner, friends, a job, money, to live well and they want to be entertained. Anyone can give you advice on these things. Everyone lives somewhere and has a house or an apartment to look after and live their lives in. Most have done jobs and job training. As well, they have held down a job. Everyone has to manage their time and do things such as read books. If they didn't, they would be bores. Also, everyone has tried to make friends. Nor do you need to read newspapers every day for years trying to find out what lies behind the news. Everyone lives in society, votes and they know. Whilst planning skills are useful in some circumstances, many independently make the same plan. You can get advice on these plans and you do not have to work it all out for yourself. So you do not need to plan at all. For your personal life, you can get advice for your goals and remember this advice if you write it down. Nobody needs to plan for their personal life as though they were working in an office with computers, spreadsheets, databases, meetings, phone calls or writing Emails and Task Lists.

It will be hard to see how you spent so long on planning and time management once you have got it right. Advice breaks the vicious circle of worry and problem-solving. Also, it reduces or eliminates the need for planning because you merely have to remember and follow advice. Do not try to plan as you can take advice for anything you do not know. Often others know advice and can give it to you. Asking for help with goals saves much time making mistakes and problem-solving. A few words of advice can find solutions that take a lifetime to learn from the Media. You may find you talk endlessly about your problems but nobody gives you the advice you need. So you feel bad or that you've somehow been humiliated. You may read lots and watch TV to find out what you can. And really, reading and learning like this you may eventually find the answers you were looking for. But when after years you find the solutions you wanted all along, you may just feel plain silly nobody would tell you them in a few minutes it would have taken to enlighten you. However, they didn't. As many have the same goals and need the same advice, there is no good reason you could not just look it up. Or others might know and help you. Nor do you need to write or problem-solve. But sometimes you do need to make notes about things you've read. Also, you can organize your thoughts on paper or on a computer when there are lots of things you might have heard of that might help you or that you've specifically researched.

Someone's experience of problem-solving using paper and pen was that he repeated many well-known facts and issues. It offered no new solutions and wasted time. His diaries were also repetitive and mundane. Perhaps because it was in one way at least a negative experience, he did not want to read his diaries or notes again. This was despite thinking he was making progress and helping himself. To start with, he felt he was coming to the problems anew. But he then realized that he had known many of the problems and sometimes many of the solutions for years.

When someone wrote fiction, it surprised him how poor it was when he read it again after many years. This was despite his thinking when he wrote it that he had written it well and it was full of ideas, humor and scintillating dialogue. He had also written it for a therapy and wanted to communicate with others the thoughts in his head, for others to understand him and for others to accept his ideas as art. Yet it did not seem all he thought when he looked back on it. And most of his writing was no better than a diary. In the future, it might be better to have a nice long relaxing hot bath and not have writing's problems with physical health and stress. A bath is also relaxing from the hot water, silence, a moment to relax and getting clean. And it is better than stupefying over a desk.

Sometimes, we hear so much about how to succeed you read in self-help books that we don't think someone who doesn't read them has any ambitions. This is wrong as they do. Otherwise, they would not be motivated to get out of bed, to read or to do anything. When someone wants to do a college course, that may not sound much but it is. They are saying they want to study, to have a career and to have success, but they need a qualification. You could learn from this and see that to get a job, you need the qualifications and experience employers want. And you can't get a job by making friends, or thinking about big questions or personal issues. But instead, you can start with a qualification. Otherwise, when you read a bit and watch TV a bit, it may be enough for personal goals already. For a job, you need a qualification.

If you have other personal ambitions such as making more friends or taking more of an interest in something, then you need to read a bit about it. Also, watch TV about it and talk about it to anyone who's interested. Often, all you have to do to get success is to do something towards it. The more you do, the faster you succeed. All you really have to do not to meet your goals conversely is to do absolutely nothing towards them. As well, you would think anyone probably does something with his or her day already such as read a bit or watch TV. If they literally did nothing like this, then they really would have personal and social skills problems.

When you have fewer worries and you feel less tired and ill, then goal-setting often works well. Looking after your physical health may improve your time use. Also, work on anything that you can do more of or you might not have tried up until now. For example, you may do a task late into the night when you need sleep instead. Some saying or maxim, such as 'leave it to another day' might help as well.

Some things may really be stressful, but they are things some would not think anyone worries about although they do. A reading list can cut this worry. Taking time to read anything that will cut your stress is better to do now and not later. Stress is useless and prevents you living your life or doing things you want.

Keeping a checklist for a short time can help to remind you to keep your house clean. Also, you can stick a timetable on the wall and you don't need many notes. Perhaps, you can make basic changes that you do not need to do again, such as you can make basic changes to a room so it is easier generally to clean.

Time management projects are where you record what you do and then analyze it. But these can be stressful. Stress kills and it wastes time. They are stressful because you set yourself up to fail. Problem-solving is stressful. Instead of problem-solving, you can just ask for advice. Alternatively, a time management project might work well, but keep it short.

For example, you can record how you spent your time for a week and then calculate the totals using a computer. The project will tell you how many hours you generally spend on different activities. This is something you wouldn't know otherwise, but it is only one fact or figure about time management and one of the most time-consuming to find.

You may make some significant changes using your data quite quickly. After that, you may not make big gains however long you keep recording data. Time management projects waste time and are stressful if you do them for longer than a week or two. Also, they are stressful if you record a lot of data. They also mean you overuse your computer, which is bad for health.

One Subject analyzed his first week's data and saw he spent most of his time chatting in front of the TV. He could not concentrate on both at the same time and when he only did one or the other, he still had time left over. After that, he made no real improvements as he was already spending all his spare time on things he wanted to do. And he could make no more savings even if he had more data.

Although some books say that it is always best to write everything down, too much writing is not good for your time management. It is often better to organize your thoughts in your head than to do so in writing. Writing is slower than thinking. And thinking is more natural. Sometimes, you may remember what you thought better. Particularly, you forget the original problem when you have too many notes and you have problems filing. Writing it down, you instantly forget it if you don't have to remember it. Many problems and worries are best not to talk about unless someone can give you a solution. Think instead in your head of a definitive essay you can remember every time you have a similar worry. To help you, think back to when you first heard of the subject as you may have had the best answer then. And they often talked about a subject to help you cope with it when it was the first time they had mentioned it.

Revise how to write essays if you have forgotten. For example, organize your work into topics and explain each one. This helps you remember your essay and you can even do it in your head. You may find that you do not really have that many worries/material as you thought you had. As well, you may want to organize material from different sources and some do find this harder than using one source. Don't think others do not know about ideas you do just because you got them from different sources. Others do know the same ideas because they heard them like you and have a mind to think the same as you. Thinking in your head can work when you already have solutions and talking or writing no longer helps. And it takes too long anyway.

Keeping an appointments' diary saves time, paper and it can save ink. And you can use an appointments' diary to cut long Task lists and To Do lists. As well, it is important to write appointments down so you don't forget them. An appointments' diary reminds you when you need to go somewhere or to do something by. This is sometimes the best way to organize your time. For example, when a new friend tells you about interests you have in common, you can write them down to remember what they are in your appointments' diary. You can also make a note if you need to remember something to bring to an appointment, such as a magazine you mentioned that they asked if they could read. Also, you can see if you have some spare time and you are not busy for anything else. As well, an appointments' diary means your Task List or To Do List is shorter, more manageable and more useful.

You may still make plans even when you feel you are taking too long on planning and would like to do something else instead. For example, you get out your plan, read it again and try to rework the text of the plan and make small changes to the plan itself because you worry about the plan not working to meet its aim. Any reworking you do may make you feel less worried because you know your plan better. As well, making even small improvements can mean the plan succeeds where otherwise it would fail. Or small improvements become big improvements when added together. And in some planning sessions, you might make big improvements. The downside is the time it takes if you are short of time for other things you would like to do as well.

And taking too long planning might show you lack the skills you need to plan well or the plan is very poor and shows you should have started with a better plan. But planning is worthwhile if the goal is worthwhile. And planning for it, you get the goal. A plan to do a bit more exercise and eat more healthily is an example of such a worthwhile plan that could succeed. Better physical health means you can cope with inevitable problems everyone may have from time to time and you have more energy to work on your problems. As well, if you are physically fit, you may not even feel stressed despite problems that would stress anyone unfit. Also, you might do a goal that takes a lot of time and causes you worry just because it is a physical effort.

To do more goals, such as reading novels like you always wanted to, there is a very simple plan you can make. All you have to do is not do other things than read. The researcher found a perfect negative correlation between 'goals and things you have to do' and 'things you don't have to do'.

You have more time than you think. To see how much time you really have, you can work it out. Change the period to days, weeks, months or to years from the usual one you think of when considering the activity. It is easy to work out with a pocket calculator or spreadsheet.

For example, even if you only watched one or two films a week this would be many, many films over a year. And it might be thousands of films in a year. You would probably want to do something other than watch films, but you can see you have a lot of spare time to watch them and more than you thought you had.

Something that is bound to make you fail is if you lose heart when you have problems. Don't lose heart but instead try to keep things going despite any failures along the way. And this becomes a reassuring habit. For example, take a bath when things are bad as you are keeping clean and relaxing from the hot water. Another example is to pick up a novel and read a bit of it despite thinking you could still be doing something on your computer. You might not really need to do anything! Another reason to do a little every day is that the human body functions poorly doing a lot and then a little. The body responds to regular exercise whether going to the gym or doing any activity. You could not run for miles one day, do nothing the rest of the week and expect to keep fit. And it is the same for any mental activity.

'Do something well if it is worth doing at all' is a saying. And doing something well, you often cut how long the same thing will take to do. Also, thinking about how you do something before you do it will save time when you come to it. The easiest tasks to do well are things you already know how to do. And always have a good night's sleep so you don't worry just because you are tired. The author did research that showed that when a Subject wrote about admin in his diary using 'number of entries' as a unit, he did less admin by a separate unit of 'number of hours' of real activity. It seems taking time to think about something, you do not do it so badly when doing it badly wastes time. Also, he did it the right amount of time for the benefits it would give him against time doing other things. And this right amount of time was often less time than he had done it in beforehand.

Some sayings:-

'Do things well if they're worth doing at all'

'Less haste, more speed'

'Quality, not quantity'

'Do things you find easy when other things are only hard but offer no more benefits'

'The best plan is to keep to what you know'

'You do what you know best'

'Keep it simple'

'Have a good night's sleep before you decide anything'

'You should do something you enjoy and something that makes you look and feel good'

'To not waste time, think about whether tasks are worth doing at all, worth doing if you spend less time on them or worth doing if you do them well'

Some want to do different things and have different interests to those they had before now. Trying to change anything is stressful and you might change nothing at all despite your best efforts. As well, you may avoid this stress if you think that you don't have much control over changing anything anyway. So you do not try to change and then fail. To do a new interest, you may have to cut time on an old interest as you do not have time for both. However, some don't like to choose and often only stop doing something when it really has no benefits at all. You worry about your time use trying to do too much and choosing between interests. And it is sometimes when you really don't have enough time for everything that you spend so much energy problem-solving how to make time for all you want to do. You have to make some cutbacks or you will never be able to manage your time well.

To manage your time, you can think of things you need to do and as well, you think of things to avoid. Try doing anything relaxing and do not do anything that is boring, stressful, and repetitive or wastes time. Examples of boring things are things that if you talked to your best friend or anyone about, they would find boring even with the best will in the world. Stressful things are things, which when you do them, you feel stressed, upset, angry or excited. You know how stress feels. And so when you feel stressed try to take a break or do something else. Wasting time things are doodling, rewriting the same notes repeatedly, playing the same song repeatedly, listening to music all day every day, or watching TV that is already half way through. By not doing boring, stressful things, you save time you can transfer to other more pleasurable activities.

As well, you are more motivated if you see health as something urgent. Look after your health before it really is 'urgent' as then it is often too late. You have to spend time and effort on health. And this can sometimes be instead of on other things. When you do anything that has a downside to it, you have to want the upside it promises more. Something must have more importance and something else less importance or you would not want to change anything.

When you want to find time to do more spare time activities generally, then switch on the TV just because you feel like it. And do so even though you are a little tired as TV is not much effort. Or try reading if you have a spare moment. Think that when you make an effort even just to press the 'on' button when you have nothing better to do, then you are doing something you want and as well, that you said to yourself you'd do.

Think, just out of interest, how many books you have read recently. This is a less stressful than counting hours or pages. As well, you can still see if you have or you have not wasted any of your time.

To see if you are keeping to your goals, keep a 'Books Read' or 'Films' and 'TV Seen' notebook. And you can see that by making more effort you might be more successful. Nevertheless, do not do too much analysis as it is stressful. Instead, just look to see if you are doing a bit more than last time to be satisfied that you are making progress. You can also remember things with these notebooks that might have slipped your mind. And this bit of prompting for things you already know can improve your social skills.

Your social skills should improve over time if you do generally more. It, though, takes a little time to read and digest what you've read. And you may notice in only a few months the difference in your social skills. Do not consider there is a maximum to reach. Instead, just try to keep doing a bit every day. Nor do all the same thing. As well, always have a goal to keep it relaxed. Appearing relaxed is good social skills and you will feel happier.

You may become ill if you worry a long time before you get the answers you need. Instead, think that it does help to just read a bit more and you can do so over time. And you may eventually get all the answers you want. So don't worry in the meantime. It is always good to read any book if only for the sake of general knowledge.

The answer a worried person may at length find from having a reading list is that they are powerless to change anything if that was what they were thinking. Also, when they learn more about the issues, then they can see they could not change anything just because they know about it. And this is even if they still wanted to do so when they did know about it. Nor does anyone expect an average person to come up with any solutions. They don't when anyone can think for themselves. And others have already suggested solutions to many problems. You can read about these problems and see what you think of their solutions. When you think that they are reasonable solutions, you may see that people still ignore them. And you might realize that 'solutions' to any problem are just what some want but others clearly don't want. Instead, others intend it to stay the way it is or would like their own different solutions. Ultimately, you may only learn from much reading and discussions that when you want something, it doesn't mean you have to get it. And you don't have to get it because you worried about it either. In particular, you don't always get something when someone else wants something else.

As well, when you worry about others, think that you may never really know what it is like to do other jobs or to live the lives others do. So stop worrying about it and instead think what you can do for yourself, what will benefit your own life and then attend to your own affairs. And you can try being grateful for what you have and not worry about what you do not have and nor about what others have or do not have or are doing or not doing. Also, do what you like doing and be grateful you have your health and the money you must have so you can do it.

Switch on the TV or pick up a book as they are interesting and so you don't feel bored and you improve your social skills. And stop writing your diary or messing around with something and watch a few hours TV before bed. If you have something to do such as clean or tidy things away, you can do this during the breaks. And when you have watched enough, you can take a break. As well, you may do something in a few spare minutes better than if you did it only at a set time. You are more relaxed and have had something decent to occupy your thoughts. Also, you might have a time of evening by which you really want to have switched on the TV. You can enjoy watching the TV more by having this regular time. What is the time by which you might want to have switched on the TV? Pick a time to switch it on. Then stop anything you're doing and watch. Also, at other times, you could try doing a bit more reading by having a time for that as well.

Get started reading by saying to yourself that you'll only attempt to read one or two chapters of your book but not the entire book. Or you can say to yourself that if you have a few hours to spare, then that is enough to read an entire book. Particularly, you have enough time to read if you have good reading skills. Reading skills are things like skimming and skipping. Also, you can make notes to help you keep your concentration. It is sometimes that you only need more reading skills to help you so you can read faster and better. And being less tired may also mean you can read more that you'd want.

You can make instant savings in time just by not doing things that do not have good benefits. Unsurprisingly, this will save lots of time! However, some find it hard to give up a small pleasure even to get a greater pleasure. They may also have a crutch in something they do. Or they may find it impossible to make any choices at all. Practicing making choices will make you a better decision maker. Some people even find it hard to make a choice when the thing they might want to give up has really very little value.

Chatting is bad for your health if you do it too much. Also, it takes lots of your time if you talk a lot. Talking does not get to the point often, as it is often only to make people feel good. And you might have done everything intended for most conversations if you make yourself or the other person feel better. So you can cut the amount you chat and not feel so bad. And you may still have your friends despite seeing them less. It is best not to talk to friends about mundane things, gossip, the newspapers or to talk much about personal problems. Talking only about hobbies and interests saves time on chat and makes you feel better about your conversations. It improves how you spend your time more generally as well when you are motivated to do things you talk about.

Healthier meals and regular meals help you be more active as the researcher found a perfect correlation between number of meals and number of tasks.

Better hygiene and sleep and more exercise mean you feel less tired and ill and you have more energy.

On its own, a major goal is to have better self-esteem. And this is the only goal ultimately that most people have. As well, better health, more money, good social skills and as well having better friendships and relationships will improve self-esteem. Also, any ambitions may only be for self-esteem. You can get better self-esteem by connecting to your inner-self and trying to understand yourself, others and things around you better. If you had good self-esteem, then you may have no other ambition or goal that you still want. Also, your health, the amount of spare time you spend on hobbies and interests and the quality of your personal relationships would all improve in a virtuous circle. And you are more likely to succeed in any ambition you enjoy and have had some success in doing.

EASY PLANNING TO MANAGE YOUR TIME BETTER

TO DO

Get to bed at reasonable time and get a decent night's sleep. Read a bit, watch TV a bit and as well, you can do some exercise. Also, you can cook, clean and wash. And you will want to socialize and to work.

ADMIN

Write a checklist of things to do. Change it when you need to such as to remove redundant items and add new ones. Keep a notebook of books you have read and make a note in a diary of days you have done exercise. Keep an appointments' diary.

STRESS AND HEALTH IN PLANNING

Don't have any ambitions except to have a few friends, keep yourself fit and to read and watch TV a bit. Do everything you can to cut stress such as having a reading list or doing some exercise. And don't do activities you know are stressful. Also, try to sleep better. If there is one thing you could do for yourself, then what would this thing be? Would you look after your health, do more exercise, have a better diet, maintain better personal hygiene, stop worrying so much or stop trying to succeed? You might. Also, you could stop having such difficult or long-term ambitions and you can stop making so much work for yourself.

You could do all of these or at least one of them. One of them could make all the difference. Do the easiest first. Then work on the next problem. And you can tell yourself that as you are getting there, then the journey is less tiring and less stressful.

A number of different approaches exist for managing your time:-

LOGICAL RATIONAL – a bit like machines, you only need planning to manage your time better.

STRESS – people can't stand too much excitement or boredom and will do everything possible to reach a level of emotional stability.

MOTIVATION – when you want to do something, you do it.

PEOPLE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME – and some find it harder to do some things than others find the same things.

Each approach has advantages and disadvantages.

Plans and computers characterize the logical rational approach. The disadvantage with this method is when for some reason or other you cannot keep to the plan, you will not achieve your goals.

Stress – this approach says that people cannot take stress and they try to avoid it. When you find goals stressful, then this stops you achieving your goals.

Motivation – the disadvantage is somebody can choose a goal he doesn't really want even if he were to achieve it.

People are not all the same, but everyone has the same personality traits to some degree or another. Anybody might be more successful if they worked on it.

You might start with the logical rational approach and if you still have the same problems or can't keep to your plans, you can try another approach instead.

A time management tip is that you just have to think you are going to do really well and then you'll really end up having success.

You can improve your time use now and even if you feel you wasted, or did not waste, your time beforehand if you start to value something more than you did previously. This can be something that took some of your time. If you have less strict criteria for success or failure, you may see you are already a success.

To see if you're managing your time well already, try having categories for 'all things you have to do', 'goals' and for 'things you don't have to do'. 'Things you don't have to do' you can now stop doing. When you cannot cut out these things very well, there is often some good reason for it. 'Things you have to do and goals', is what may take all your time. And you can concentrate on cutting time on anything else you really don't want to do.

For example, include doing therapy as 'all things you have to do'. Therapy is a need you have even though you might like to cope without it. And having breaks is not 'things you don't have to do' because everyone needs rest. Also, socializing is a human need. But you might want to cut out anything you no longer enjoy even though you still do it.

Do not think everything has to do with time management because time links all activities. Knowledge is in categories and these categories are useful for learning. When you have some facts and ideas in your head, you have used your time well even when you do nothing now.

Another reason for wasting time is that you do not do things you started. Or you do things that you do not think are worth the time on them even when you have done them. Take time to think of what goals you would really like. You will save time if you do not try to do something that does not/would not make you happy.

There are other important time wastes. For example, a time waste is not being able to find things. So try to organize books on a bookcase and file correctly. Also, washing up too many things wastes time. And constant trips to the shops to get things you have forgotten is another time waste. Yet another time waste is feeling tired and under the weather because of late nights, lack of exercise or from being under stress. And poor health wastes time as being ill can waste so much of your time.

A time waste for socializing is walking about, wondering what others are doing, trying to find them and as well hanging around. They are watching TV or they are reading a book or they are doing what you should do if you were not wearing out your legs looking for them. And you waste time chatting to just whoever is around and not people you'd really like to be talking to. You waste time if you do not get anything much from conversations due to poor social skills as well. If you were a little less tired and stressed, you may feel that you would no longer want to discuss your personal problems. If when you meet your friends and you've done only boring or mundane things because you were worrying, you can't expect to have good social skills with them. You could also make more time by doing two things at once when you are with your friends such as playing cards or watching a film as well as being with them.

Worry consumes time and energy. You do boring, stress-relieving activities instead of better goals. And you take time trying to find solutions to your worries. Yet you would rather not have these worries to begin with and instead get on with your life. So you want advice sooner and not later. Then you can change sooner and not waste as much time.

Taking a lot of time to get some decent general knowledge, or forgetting the general knowledge you knew already, wastes time. Also, reading and not concentrating wastes time. So take breaks, read on the bus or train for 10 minutes or read before bed.

Personal priorities are priorities you may have in your personal life, such as for how you use your spare time. They are different from priorities you might have at work. At work, you try to get tasks done and finish them so you can start a new project. You may decide everything you do for personal tasks but your employer decides what you do at work. And personal time management might not work so well as more clearly defined work time management. You can ask for advice on work tasks and exactly how to do them. But whilst you could also look up personal advice, you would not want to be told how exactly to do everything at home.

TV will give you more conversation than books as everyone watches TV. Also, TV is easier to remember than writing, although you may get things from books that you cannot from TV. It is impossible to concentrate on reading for more than an hour at a time or to read for more than a few hours a day, but you can concentrate on TV for longer and more easily. And you can try to increase the amount you do of other goals over time so they do not cause strain. For example, you will get eye strain if you try to read too much at once.

When you feel you cannot concentrate and you cannot remember things, try making notes. Use the features of a WP to help you. Also, you can keep short handwritten notes that don't need editing. As well, you cannot do anything when you feel stressed, tired or ill. When stressed you only feel like trying to solve your problems and nothing else. Getting a good night's sleep reduces worries. It is also the easiest thing often to do. Problems are more taxing if you are tired. Or they are only from tiredness to start with.

Avoid real stressors. Real stressors are things like using a computer too much or poor social skills. You could learn how to use a computer better. Or if you still find them stressful, then you don't have to use one. Stress can also be from things that may not affect you directly. For example, you may worry what others are doing, but you do not have to have this stress. Still, you might have to address these worries directly if they still bother you once you've tried not to think about them but you still do. Some people do find it helpful to have a reading list if they worry. As well, you can say to yourself that you will try just not to worry, if not to start with, then you will try to stop at some time even if you do have a reading list. Perhaps, you will have read enough and are unlikely to find out anything much more. Also, you could have made notes and used a WP to organize them or to write an essay about your worries. In the meantime, you can say to yourself that you will eventually have all the answers you need and that you won't worry now when you don't have them. In the future, you will know for sure. But for now, you won't let it worry you. Sometimes, once you have read all you want to, you can see something had really easy answers all along. But you just needed to learn more about it so you could see it for yourself or to hear what they were.

Some activities are necessary only as therapy. Spend some time thinking about your day. You can communicate your thoughts to a page by writing them down. Also, you may have very little to do on any particular day that is not just a human need. Even doing nothing may only be because you feel tired and need the rest. About the only real waste of time is to do something out of habit when it no longer has benefits, such as to listen to music when you are no longer a teenager some would say. Another time waste is to do something that damages your health as this cannot have benefits in the long-term. Doing therapy is not a time waste, as you can get better. But you may wish you were better sooner. And you can feel better sooner if you do more therapy.

Think of your problems you'd like to solve and the ones that you have already solved. Chances are the ones that you solved were from getting the advice you needed, meeting different people and having more opportunities. Also, you could have moved to somewhere that had better shops and amenities, parks so you could go for a walk or you had a bigger apartment with a better kitchen and more space. Also, you might have had Internet access that you didn't beforehand.

Problem-solving skills can solve personal problems and these skills are often the same as academic problem-solving skills you would learn at school or college. This is why problem-solving for some is so hard and unproductive as they don't have such skills from their own education. And trying to solve problems without these skills is harder. If you know these skills already but have forgotten them, revising them will help you. Problem-solving may work well for some people who have good educations. A good education will help anyone solve problems. Others may have some success but only with more time and effort. You could read books for years, though, and still see no improvement. A way round not having these skills is to have easier-to-understand advice as many books are quite hard reading. Still, you could try to improve your reading skills so you are better able to read them. As well, it may help to revise your schoolwork and other general knowledge to help you cope with the media, living in society and understanding things around you.

Science tells us that everyone learns all the skills they need as an adult from when they were children. Children play to act out being adults. They learn in school what they need to know about the adult world in the subjects they study at school. As well, they learn social skills they need as adults by talking to their friends at school. And when still a child, they develop a world-view that works for them. However, some may forget their problems started due to drink, illness or they started for other reasons. Yet they must remember almost all the things they used to know or they'd have quite childish behavior. For example, adults don't read a newspaper cover to cover like teenagers new to it. Also, adults already know how to talk about a film, have heard of things such as a genre of fiction and they don't forget what chess or other games and things are if they knew about them when young.

However, there are things that can go wrong as an adult. For example, some people can't cope with powerful software on their computer at home intended originally for business use. But you can use easier-to-understand software intended for home use or you don't have to use such software at all. Planning using a computer is hard without good computer skills. An 'App' on a mobile phone to organize your time is sometimes better. And many phones come with a free one already installed. Another reason for failure is to confuse career and personal ambitions when you need a qualification to show an employer and can't learn at home.

A particular activity is sometimes a wider time use problem. Activities like these are ones that you do not know how to do properly. There is often a recommended way to plan any activity you can learn and you do not really need such things as goal-setting and time management. Someone may find it hard to keep to their overall plan because they find one task is too difficult for them. And they really need to learn this skill better so they can do it more easily. To succeed, you can do the activity the recommended way including planning techniques that come with it.

This chapter has given some ideas about time management and in particular to cope with the stress of time management. As well, it has given you some tips for coping with managing your time on a computer in particular. And it may have helped you to manage your time to improve your social skills.

# 

# Chapter 3, Computers

WORRIES USING COMPUTER SOFTWARE

The author has found that others who had computer stress welcomed the chance to talk about their computer worries. But they also wanted written notes, articles and they wanted books to help them. With these, they could remember what was said and it explained the subject at more length. And after they said they felt less stressed. Some didn't want their computers anymore, some wanted to do a course in them to get work in them and some wanted their Home PCs for things they now knew that they could do better on them.

This book talks about computer worries, as it is good to talk about your worries and problems so you worry less. However, it also offers solutions to your worries such as you can improve your life just by not having mixed feelings about your computer. Also, it may mean you use your computer better immediately just because you are not worried about it. As well, not being worried about it, you are more likely to use it for something that offers you genuine benefits.

However, it is beyond the scope of this book to talk about Home Admin or budgeting or other specific uses of a computer, such as a particular creative hobby. Readers will no doubt have things they want to do on their computers. But if after a reasonable amount of time they still find computers hard, then they might pass on them. It would be a lot less stressful and they'd have more time.

It is too much work to learn how to use computer software and how to do a hobby at the same time. And having a lot to learn is stressful. The software is often only intended to make paper tasks easier. And anyone who uses this software should bear this in mind if they feel their computer can do anything more than just helping them a bit. Computers help you, though, quite a bit. For example, you can write a short story or poem or you can draw a picture. And today, the Internet means someone can communicate through social networking, Email, Instant Messenger and browse online. Also, you can send documents, photos, art pieces and videos as Email attachments.

However, if you would not do it or could not do it on paper, then perhaps you don't want a computer. It seems that you don't have the basic skills or the inclination for it. You should really already know how to do the non-computer part of the task already. It is often the best way of learning the software and coping well with a computer to transfer an existing paper hobby.

Admin is not a hobby and someone should want to see real benefits from his Home Admin. These benefits are in saving time and effort and in saving money. And creative hobbies, studies and any other activities have their own tried and tested methods to plan work and to produce decent work that mean they are not stressful.

Perhaps, you could think of what you want a computer for and the benefits you can get from particular software or hardware so you get better use from it and don't waste time. Think of all the amazing things computers can do. And just be grateful to have a computer. You may improve your computer use by just thinking this. Then you can take or leave some things you were doing on it.

Try switching your computer off for a week as an experiment. When you do, you may do many times more reading. So keep it switched off or use it for a few hours a week if you can keep to that. Maybe, all you would rather do is watch TV all day. Then if that is better, do it and do not use a computer.

On your computer, you may have a word processor, spreadsheet and you may have Email. Also, you can have browser software. Word Processors give you a typed copy when you need to show it to someone. However, typing even for a competent typist is slow and overusing your computer and sitting at a desk is bad for health. You can use spreadsheets for calculations that would be impossible without a computer. Also, it is easy to make lists using spreadsheets as they already have columns and rows. Email has advantages and disadvantages over any other form of communication. For example, Email is faster than letters, but you can hear tone of voice on the phone. You need browser software to go online. And the World Wide Web is growing and improving all the time.

A computer word processor comes directly from a typewriter as a typewriter did from pen and paper. Indeed, in some ways you can still use a computer instead of a pen and paper and vice versa. Using a computer has some advantages over pen and paper and as well, some disadvantages. If you don't use it properly for things you try to do on it, then you can indeed have very poor experiences of it. And you really might then be better off not having one at all. Yet others do seem to manage better and you might try to learn from them.

Today, a major use of computers is the Internet. But you can have mixed feelings about it. Perhaps, you really could just phone instead of Email, use a paper notepad instead of a WP and you can still read a paper newspaper instead of going online. And you can still shop in a bricks and mortar shopping center. Yet it seems the old way often does not have the same problems. Nor does it have so many worries over health such as stress. And nor does it have worries over wasting time.

Somebody had goals of creative writing, reading novels and watching decent TV and he wanted his computer to help him with these. However, he felt overusing his computer meant he had no time to read or watch TV and he was becoming a computer bore. As well, he found using a computer stressful because he had poor writing and computer skills and he worried about health issues with computers. His learning journey for doing these goals included learning about many subjects he would not have done otherwise, but he felt his computer wasted his time as well.

To get the most from your computer, be aware of health issues about computer use such as having an ergonomic desk. Also, you can use your programs productively so you use your computer for less time overall. Computer hobbies and interests are the same as normal hobbies and your computer should only help you to do them better and the computer part not be too much of a hobby in itself. Word processors produce good-looking typed-up text for others to see and spreadsheets can do calculations or make lists. Photo-editing and video-editing software is excellent for photography and video-making hobbies. You can keep in touch with Email, Instant Messenger and social networking. And you can do courses or look things up online.

They say that some find some computer programs easier depending on the User's general abilities and interests. Someone who likes chatting or has a good standard of English finds word processors easy to use. Spreadsheets are easy to learn if you like figures. Some applications are about record keeping or having inputs and outputs of both figures and text.

You can use your computer to do your Home Admin. A feature of any admin system is that you have in effect two filing systems – one on the computer and one in paper folders. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages. The advantage of a paper system is readability and durability if the computer crashes. And the advantages of the computer system are calculations or editing and printing documents.

A principle of computers is they produce written material quickly and easily but this is often too much for anyone to read. And you save a lot of time if you write as little as possible to communicate when you understand this principle. For example, your friends have too much in their in-box to read. So don't send them anything. You save a lot of time if you always write in good English as despite excellent editing and proofreading tools, these tools still take a long time to use and a long time to become faster at using them.

A junior office worker employed in an office might do some basic admin such as writing To Do lists. These are tasks they have to do that day. They have most of their work given to them by a manager. But they organize their own time to do the work given to them. For example, they can decide to do a bit of one task and then a bit of another. And this is if it needs doing first to meet different deadlines. Or they need to ask someone something so they can finish a particular task, but the person to ask is not available. And so until they see them they have to get on with something else. However, to describe properly how to do this to anyone who wanted to work in an office would need a book or books in their own right. Such books are on Admin, office work or time management. They will include keeping a Task list, a To Do list and a Schedule. Also, they will have general principles such as not making loose unstructured notes, thinking what your own skill set is and not doing unnecessary work and asking for help if you find something hard and more things like this.

FURTHER DISCUSSION PLANNING STRESS

This section offers the reader some admin tips the Home PC User may find useful if they already do admin on their computer or they want to start doing admin on it.

Admin is planning, control and research. You research, plan what you will do so you succeed, see the result and change the plan where it is not working.

Plan + control = planned outcome

A skill does not need planning but often just skill. Planning needs skills, such as computer, writing, budgeting and other skills as well as knowing how to plan.

Planning skills are,

Using the software, such as knowing what the buttons or menus do

How to analyze data using graphs or stats

How to write in good English

Type well or use speech recognition

From the above you can see that you have planning and control and you have skills. Both planning and control use skills. Once you learn skills, you have only two things to think about. These are planning and control.

Planning is,

Research

Communication with others to understand/be given tasks/get advice

Task List, To Do List and Schedule

Design a particular spreadsheet, data enter data and analyze it

Control is,

Analysis using a spreadsheet

Filing done well

Is a task done quickly and well – either your own view or others feedback

You can edit a plan on a word processor better than on paper. This is because you do not have to write it out again when the page is full or no longer clear. There is not only one best way of writing a plan. You can, however, rewrite your plan by using the editing tools. Also, you can use a word processor to design a standard form. A standard form means handwriting is easier to see. A spreadsheet can do calculations that would take too long by hand or using a pocket calculator. A budget is the most important planning tool.

Files on both computer and paper are probably a waste of time as files on computer are often more useful than paper files. Backing up files, though, can save a lot of time from having to re-key data.

Organizing your folders is important. So take some time to label them correctly for the activities for which you have them. And for paper files, choosing the type of paper file you want is the most important decision for them.

The downside of doing admin like all this is that it takes a lot of time and you may feel it is a waste of time. And what you want is to find solutions quickly and easily. However, admin and computer use is a lot bigger subject than a few tips here might suggest to the reader. Also, office workers do long courses in admin and computer skills for a year or more if part-time. And not all of these office skills are relevant to Home PC Users. Doing admin well if you learn this skill means you take less long on doing admin day-to-day. You can do it better only if you take time to learn it. But eventually you will save time. So planning your life takes time and effort, but you can save some of this time and effort if you are good at planning and admin. Overall, you can only save time if you generally spend a lot of time doing admin. This might mean you would have to use your computer every day and week-in and week-out to save any time overall. The Home PC User may feel he does not do the amount of admin he'd need to do for it to justify his learning a lot about it. Nor does he want the stress of keeping extensive computer files and folders for any kind of admin or work.

Also, any kind of typing takes time, such as it may take a few hours to type a few pages for even a good typist. And you will type work a lot slower if you do not have a reasonably fast typing speed. On paper, it is easy to use abbreviations, symbols and to use diagrams. And this saves time over a WP. Better still, running the problem through in your head is completely healthy. As well, not having the crutch of a keyboard or a paper notebook may mean you are more able to think through problems better. If you feel less tired and ill such as you do a bit of exercise, your goal-setting may improve.

A big saving in time is to have the right advice about any task. This advice will often save time on doing the task or the advice may mean you don't want to do the task. For example, if you write out a plan for a short story, this would save time when you came to write the story. And you may stop spending all your time using art software if your art teacher had said that you really had no talent as an artist and so there was no good reason for you to continue doing art.

Home projects such as research projects may offer the chance of a scientific discovery. After all, you have the same or similar software on your computer as many professional researchers. But any research you did do is likely only to ever be at the level your own education finished.

To use a computer for amateur research, design a standard form on a word processor and fill it in, data enter this form into a spreadsheet or database and analyze the data. The standard form could be to note how you spent your time or for other observations. You use a standard form because it is easier to write on and to see what you have written. To cut the time and effort filling in a form, use abbreviations and single letters where possible. Also, you only collect as much of any data as you need to test your hypotheses. Hypotheses are the things you are trying to prove. To do research, you need to know a lot more than this and you really need to have done a qualification in doing research at college or University.

A few more tips are that you should read all you can about doing research before you start and limit your research to what you know how to do. Original scientific research may involve collecting data that nobody has collected before or analyzed. Reusing others' data sets saves time and effort. Doing research wrong such as making too many records and doing too much analysis can cause burn out. As well, you cannot keep doing research indefinitely even when you do it better as it affects health. But you can do a few projects if you keep them short.

Some find a computer complicated to use. Use your computer wrong and you can take all your time to do the simplest task. As well, you could do other non-computer things instead or you could do something on or off your computer that you know how to do well already.

Computer tips:-

Don't use a computer for tasks that do not need a computer to do them or do not need doing at all. Or you could do them less extensively if you still do them.

You do not really understand the technology or software and that is why you find it hard.

Viewing more information than you need wastes a lot of your time.

Try doing something simple first and do something more complicated or detailed later if you still want to do it.

Understanding your computer helps you use it faster and better.

You must know more about your computer than just how to make the correct mouse clicks, but knowing the correct mouse clicks is an essential start and may really be all you need to know.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCES OF HOME PC PROJECTS

Starting a computer project may waste time and particularly when a project does not work well. An example of a computer project is a Time Use Project to improve how well you use your time. You can waste time on it because the project itself takes time. As well, the project is a learning activity but it is not the most economical or fastest way of learning. And you could just read others' books and research.

A Home PC project used a computer to see if using a computer was good motivation to do more exercise. The Subject went to the gym and he recorded his progress. At the start, he thought that it might help motivate him and as well, it could help him think about how to do exercise. The data he recorded was date, type of exercise, sets, reps and the weight lifted. And for a jog or walk, it was the time taken. He started a diary about exercise on his computer as well. This would eventually run to over 20,000 words. After some months, he made a full evaluation of his data and his diary.

He thought the computer had helped motivate him. Also, it had given him a few tips, such as showing him his best exercises. From his exercise diary, he could see that he felt better every time he went to the gym unless he'd had a minor injury worry. As he did the same sets and reps and only altered the weight, the weight he lifted was the only metric he needed. As well, he could see that his progress was not consistent but fluctuated. He saw that when he felt tired and worried he could not really do much exercise. Also, it was when he felt tired and worried that he got minor injury worries.

HEALTH ISSUES WITH COMPUTER USE

Sometimes advice on using a computer safely is to have a better posture or to take breaks. However, other ways you use a computer may also have some effect on your health.

Examples of how you use your computer that can cause poor health:-

Opening files or web pages, and scrolling causes a flash. And this can affect the eyes.

Radiation may be present all the time and so harm directly caused by computer use per se.

Too many key strokes can also cause health problems.

If you type a lot with a computer, you might want for health reasons to type as well as a typist could do on a typewriter in the past or you'll damage your health. Although typing a lot even for a good typist may not be safe per se.

Examples of better computer use:-

Use navigation keys such as Page Up or Page Down and not scrolling.

Some features need fewer mouse clicks, such as buttons.

Learning every feature of your software should mean you work faster and better. This may take a little time, but it is worth the time taken if you want to have less stress from using a computer. Also, you should type well or you can use speech recognition instead at least sometimes. And have a desktop and not a laptop, as this is more ergonomic. Also, look up any advice on healthy computer use and advice on productive computer use.

The best way to use a computer well is to try to understand computers, but if you still don't like them, don't use them. And end the love affair you have with it. Someone gets a computer, and they can't stop using it even though they know it wastes their time and is bad for health. If you waste time on your Home PC, then perhaps just give it up and draw a line under it. And you can do other things you'd like better instead. And this is if there are any you'd really like to do and that you know you would really like to do as well. If there isn't anything better you'd like to do other than use a computer, then don't feel bad about using your computer so much. For example, don't worry about using your computer a lot when you feel bored with TV or reading.

They say computers are a 'toy', but also they do real things in the real world so they aren't a toy. Some may just use a computer because they feel bored with everything else. But they still feel bad if they like their computer because they think that they really should do something else as well. However, there is a good reason they feel bored, which is that they have done many other things already. Perhaps, the only advice is to take breaks and not to use it much. As well, you can follow other health advice such as having an ergonomic computer. Just these few pieces of advice may save many health problems and many other problems on and off a computer. When you still want to use your computer, then a compromise is just to follow all the health advice you can and to use it a bit less. You can still try to get the benefits but as well do other non-computer hobbies and do daily tasks. At least, you will not get ill so soon if you do ever get ill.

The researcher did a research project to find if there was any differences in computer use between stressed and less stressed Computer Users. To find this, the researcher asked a number of Work and Home Users some questions about computers and observed how stressed they looked. The questions were about the value they got from computers, what they knew about computers and how they felt about them generally. He observed their body language for how stressed they felt talking about them and they were generally.

Computer science and technological possibilities often fascinated Problem Users. The most stressed talked about typing, poor health from overusing it, about learning the software, and problems with doing tasks to an acceptable standard. But they were keenly interested to use their computers for the advantages they felt computers gave generally, such as they often said that computers were modern. The most stressed had references to other high value issues and activities in their conversations about computers.

However, when people understood computers more, they did not worry so much about them. And they used their computer less when they used it well. Also, they made more rapid progress in learning how to use a computer if less stressed. These are all benefits that some find life changing, as they don't get ill and get real benefits instead. Also, they understand something that affects everyone's lives today. And it was like a dream to some respondents not to feel stressed after so long and to be able to use a computer properly. And when they do not have such confusing emotions around computers and technology, they had less confusion around tasks. Only when not stressed could they see how a computer could help them or not. Some didn't want to use their computers any more saying they had nothing they could think of doing on one. Or they may save time when using a computer by using it well. Also, they use it less anyway when less stressed. And after a period of poor computer use and stress generally some Computer Users feel that now they can switch it off and do other things they really do want to do more.

Less stressed Computer Users asked how to do things on computers they wanted to do and didn't talk about computers generally. They used their computers for tasks their computers did well. Also, it reduces stress to type well such as with your fingers on the home keys. Their reports are not only free from typing errors but they write them better. Also, a Computer User is more likely to think through work problems better in their head if they typed well and used a computer well. Home Users can learn this lesson, cut stress, save time, and improve their computer work. Less stressed Subjects did not give their computers such a high value but paradoxically are objectively more positive about them. This is even when they said they really did not like computers. Less stressed respondents talked about the real benefits that they got and when talking about computers did not mention other non-computer activities or high-value activities.

The research suggests that using computers well is less stressful and saves time in a virtuous circle.

One strategy is not to use computers at all when you cannot cope as only taking a lot of time to learn and read up about them may help you to use them well without worries. And you may not want to spend so much time on any one thing such as when learning computers well can sometimes take years. Another strategy is to buy less powerful software with fewer features and this could be for word processing, spreadsheets, photo-editing or any software.

Some find using a computer stressful, particularly when you are trying to use it for new things you didn't do on it before. Stress is bad for health, makes you miserable and you waste time. Computers involve many types of learning, such as how to use the buttons and menus. But also they need some admin skills and the skills particular for the project you are doing. These are skills both on and off your computer. All this is a lot of learning. You have more than one thing to learn at the start of your project. But you can cut the amount of learning by choosing not to learn difficult computer software when quite good but easier software is available. However, some software really might not have all the features you would want.

You may read this book for computer tips for doing your hobbies or for tips you can use for home admin. Also, some readers might take from this book that computers are bound to waste their time, be stressful and cause them poor health. But some might not. And perhaps, you are someone who has good computer experiences despite all you hear about others' poor experiences. The author hopes this book will have helped in the real goals you want for which you want a computer to help you. Perhaps, really you want the benefits a computer offers even if it has a small downside. As well, a book about computers should really encourage you to use your computer and not discourage you from ever using one. Also, for many goals anyone might have, you will want a computer to do them as a computer does them better than paper or other technology. And sometimes a computer is the only way you can do some goals. So you need a computer for your 'real goals' that are not just 'computer goals'. 'Real goals' are things that are not only on a computer but that normally have a value as well. A computer or self-help book may merely offer the reader a few tips to help you to do your goals. Nor should it say that you should not have the personal ambitions you do have and for which you want the help a computer can give you to do them.

# 

# Chapter 4, Social Skills

Better social skills will make you friends, reduce stress, and you do not waste so much time. Anybody needs some social interaction for happiness, but some people would like conversation that is more interesting. Working on social skills, you can have both. When you have learned social skills, you may have succeeded then in having a better social life. As well, social skills are important generally as a strong social network is good for your health.

You can do things to improve social skills when good social skills are so important to happiness. Choose things you like and enjoy. But do not do things you cannot talk to your friends about, such as things that do not give you much to say or others do not want to hear about. And someone often only wants to talk about something if it is genuinely interesting.

However, you may only want help with social skills if you worry that you have quite poor social skills. You can try if this is you to spend more time on doing things that improve social skills, such as you could spend all your spare time on improving them if you felt happier to do this. You may, though, need some time off to do things that are for a therapy. However, don't do anything that is boring, repetitive or that is unproductive. And example is writing and rewriting plans in different ways. If you wrote repetitively, you might want to learn how to use a WP better such as you can use more editing features. Using the editing features of a WP, you could save some time.

To pep up your conversation, you need things to talk about and social skills techniques. Social skills techniques are things like turn taking and being aware of your body language. Social skills content is what you have to talk about such as because of the hobbies you have. And you may just have poor content because you talk too much about your worries and this makes you look bad. As well, you never have the conversations you want about better subjects and your friends only know part of you, the sad you, and they don't know the best part. Yet, you may think you could get help for your worries by talking about them and then with your worries over, you could get on with your life. But you may not, though, find the advice you want by talking about your problems. Perhaps, try not saying the same thing again to the same person when before you got no new advice. But only talk about your worries when you think you will get any new advice.

Often you know many solutions already yourself without asking anyone. It is perhaps worth organizing these into notes to refer to at any time. Then, do not talk about them unless what you say or you hear back will be new. You could read more about your problems and not just talk about them. And you might see something new to help you even if you don't have all the answers yet.

Having reasonable social skills is a good reason others will like you and want to know you. Some, though, have other strategies that don't work as well. An example of a poor strategy for making friends is someone saying that others will like them if they are 'a nice person'. However, others don't see someone as they see themselves and instead they only know anything about you if you can communicate it. Others may not think you are a nice person as really they can't tell. But everyone likes somebody who has good social skills.

If there is such a thing as being nice, you need to work at it by doing things and you cannot be 'nice' if you just think it.

Things that many others think mean you are 'nice' are:-

Appearance. Appearance should be slim, attractive and clean. And you should have good body language.

Social skills. Learn all you can from books. They work and good social skills make others feel good. That means they think you are a nice person.

Stress. Most like someone without worries, who is never angry and can cope. That is nice.

Activities. They like someone they can say something about such as if you are an artist.

Home. You have thought about your living space and it reflects your personality.

Career. They like someone who does not talk about work worries or office politics. And they like someone who seems happy and competent in their job and don't like anyone who has odd ideas about their work or talks about it too much.

Politics. Never think of you as having a political view. Nobody who is political is liked by everyone and maybe by very few.

Friendships. Most like anyone who spends time and effort on his friends, but as well that they are an interesting and non-controversial person.

Relationships. A lot of this is the same as for friendships. Also, the body matters. And as your girlfriend sees your bedroom as well as your living area, you need to keep this tidy and clean. Your friends only see your living area.

Ideas. Good general knowledge is essential and anybody likes someone who is not worried because he understands things around him.

Some have problems when they don't understand why there should be beautiful objects, people, a beautiful landscape or any beauty around them. Other people, though, find that beauty gives their life meaning. People who worry about beauty think that it has to have a purpose or say more. Or they think beauty laughs at their own ugliness. Worrying about beauty means they can't concentrate on daily tasks and as well, they feel discouraged from living a full life. You can understand beauty by trying to do some art. When you do art, you copy and describe beauty and beauty becomes a positive and not a negative thing in your life. Write a poem or draw a picture. And remember that the better you can make your painting, drawing or your poem, then the better it will be for a therapy.

Beauty does have a psychological and biological basis as scientific surveys find that everyone sees healthier people and healthy flowers or wildlife as more beautiful. But if you don't find it enough to know that beauty has a sound psychological and biological basis, then you should at least be aware spending time appreciating beauty is good for you. It is relaxing, healthy and generally makes people feel good. And it is never wasted time.

To make a plan to improve social skills may take some work or you can build on things you've done by coincidence already.

For better social skills, you should have:-

Stock subjects to talk about are such as art, lit, last week's TV, today's newspaper or a subject you've studied when this is if of general interest.

Party pieces are such as the benefits you got from a video recorder, home computer projects you've done or your experiences of dieting or keep fit, or your work if you have an interesting job.

Social games and activities are such as cards, chess, sketching, visiting art galleries and museums, going to the cinema, to parks or going on trips to the seaside.

Personal priorities are priorities you may have in your personal life, such as for how you use your spare time. They are different from priorities you might have at work for getting tasks done. This is because you decide what you want to do in your own spare time.

Socializing is a human need you have to do, but you can improve your social skills to have a better time socializing. Also, you don't need to socialize as much as you might do to fulfill this basic need so long as you meet your friends sometimes. And you could transfer time socializing directly to other goals.

TV will give you more conversation than books as everyone watches TV. It is also easier to remember TV than reading. But you may get things from books that you can't from the TV. It is impossible to concentrate on reading for more than an hour at a time and you can only read for pleasure a few hours a day. But you can concentrate on TV for longer and perhaps all day. So you can both read and watch TV. Exercise is a more standard task however and you can stop anything you're doing and go to the gym.

Talking about morals is unattractive and unfashionable as the area is so fraught with misunderstanding. However, it may be worthwhile if only for a few minutes to talk about morals and goal-setting. We do this on the agreement we are not going to stand on a soapbox and talk about it later but we are saying it for the sake of something that you can then take 'as read'. Morals can sometimes get in the way of improving social skills and making friends. For example, you will lose friends if you moralize to them. Yet, another view is that morals can help you lead a better life and you make more friends. Having some morals, if it makes you a nicer person to know, means you make more friends. Morals can also mean you do better things for yourself, such as keep more active and do more exercise when you see a fit mind and body as a moral decision. And this is a decision everyone can make. Talking about your moral framework is unattractive, even if others agree with it, as it might sound odd. As well, it is as though you might not mean it as soon as you have any excuse not to do it. It is best to show morals and not say them. Or, perhaps, don't try too hard to either say or to show them when they are generally not good as a topic of conversation. Morals can, though, help you live a happier life and not the often-quoted reverse of an unhappy life. There is a joke that goes, 'Morals are wrong and talking about them is more wrong. And that's all I'm ready to say about morals'. Social scientists, though, say a moral framework is an essential need for anyone to live well or to live at all normally.

You make better friends with someone you can chat to about normal things. For example, it is normal to chat about the TV. As well, the TV is about what is happening in the real world. It is about real lives. Also, it is about feelings and emotions. And it is about problems that affect everyone. Often friends will remember discussions about real things that weren't yours or their own worries fondly. Ultimately, it was the bad times when someone worried. And they have fond memories of anyone who spoke normally to them about normal things during such times. This is because they feel they did not waste their time only worrying and doing nothing worthwhile. As well, someone often does not appreciate well-meaning advice that does not work. And nor may someone thank someone who is only making it worse. Yet, if the advice worked, they often will be grateful. And have you thought if any advice you give does work? It might not and so it is not worth giving it.

Try to remember some basic rules that you should stick to as this can help you, such as to appear relaxed, happy and to be in good health. As well, it helps to have something in common if you want to talk to someone. So make a note of things you hear so you can look them up later. And talking to your friends is something everyone can do. You feel relaxed and happy and forget your worries. Trying to help your friends will not make you happy, as personal problems are often not easily solvable by anyone's friends. And often, you don't really help your friends anyway. But you could ask about a hobby and they have some chance of answering your questions. And when you want to make friends, then frequently just by talking about the TV you have achieved this. It might feel that you didn't even have to try that hard.

For example, talking about politics is almost definitely poor social skills. If you worry about politics so you talk about it, the only solution is sometimes to get yourself a good general and political education. A book about ideas that have shaped history or one on political ideology is a good start. And maybe they are the only books you need. Once you're no longer worried about it, you may feel there's no good reason to talk about it. And you may find others already know anything you might say. If you discuss politics, they might not understand it well when political philosophy if often complicated. Also, discussions are sometimes heated.

Sometimes when you want to help others, you should help yourself first instead. If everyone helped himself or herself first, then everyone would be happier. Really, it is open to almost everyone to do this. And all they need to do is to watch a bit of TV and to take an interest in art or lit. Or they can take an interest in almost anything. Also, they can do a bit of exercise.

Talking about others is gossip and for small people, talking about events is what average people do and the highest level is to talk about ideas. Ideas are universal and some of them date back centuries. So in one way, ideas are not something personal. And it is good conversation to talk about universal things and not to talk about work, politics, gossip or to talk about mundane things. Some only want to talk about anything interesting, but interesting things often involve controversy. However, some people don't want to talk about anything too controversial but nor do they want to hear anything lacking in any controversy at all. This is of no possible value. Take an interest in things your friends mention as these are often subjects they understand the controversy around, already find lots of things interesting about them and feel are good conversation.

Conversation isn't a memory test and something recent is best every time. Everyone can better remember things that are more recent. They can say more about them and will know the things that you say. Also, recent things are more interesting as everyone wants to know what is happening today. Talking about something recent is a basic principle of social skills. Nobody can change old things. As people's lives are often different now, there is no good reason to talk about old things or old controversies. For recent things, you can discuss more about them as there is more written about them others will have read. Others are often open to different opinions from theirs. But this is still normally only for recent things and not for any old controversies. They are unlikely to change their minds about old things now. However, although there is no good reason to discuss something old, someone may do so for the sake of something to say. But it is often poor social skills. Keep doing things to keep up with yours or your friends' interests. This will cut worry by distracting yourself from your worries but as well, it will cut worry by having better social skills.

It may help your social skills to make a list of all the books you read. You can do this by keeping a notebook and then you make a note of the title, author and the publisher of books you've finished. Also, you can make a note of films or TV shows you've seen. Also, you can look at a film guide and make a note of the films you remember. These notes remind you what you've seen and suggest what you want to watch next.

For example, when someone did this, he found he had very few TV recordings about art but had many movies. So he thought he should read more art books to find out more about art and watch again the TV art docs he did have as he could watch them easily when there were so few of them. Also, he realized he liked a decent film with modern references, such as to the Internet. And he did not like just any film. So he bought some of the latest films and went back to the cinema.

With his Books Read notebook, he found he had read about 1/3 art, 1/3 novels and poetry and he'd read about 1/3 health. The figure for health seemed high compared to what he could remember reading. However, on reflection he needed all the help he could get and got even more of these books. His figures for art and lit were about equal but English Lit was higher than he remembered. It was right to divide his time between the two hobbies evenly and he was pleased he had read so much English lit and not only art books. Also, he had thought he had read other books such as science books, but he had read hardly any. Both art and lit were subjects he had read in the past and was rereading. Now, he thought about seriously taking up a science subject to do something new.

Categorizing your video or book collection is a useful way to see how you spend your spare time so you can change it. You may find more to read and watch. As well, you may feel less bored and instead always be interested in something.

Switch on the TV because it's interesting. You might want to do this if you have any problems with your social skills or you feel bored and listless. Also, you can waste time writing your diary, making notes or planning your week. Also, you spend too long surfing the web or channel hopping on your TV. And you might always have music on. If that is you, then sit down and just switch on the TV or pick up a book. And read or watch something decent. Or you can watch anything at all. If it's interesting, then you at least don't feel bored. As well, it will improve your social skills.

For example, say if it were coming up to the early evening and you've been out shopping, working or socializing and have done nothing else. Then stop doing anything else you started when you got in and watch a few hours TV. If you have something else to do, you can do it another day. And if you've forgotten things such as to tidy up, you can do it during the ad breaks. There is no better habit then that you always catch a film or TV show.

Get started reading by saying that you'll read a chapter of a book but you don't have to read the entire book. Or if you have more than a few hours to spare you can give to reading, you then have long enough to finish an entire book. Particularly, you can read faster if you have good reading skills such as skimming and skipping. And you can concentrate better by making notes.

When you are bored, you may find it hard to start doing something and so waste your day. Some people say that going back to bed is the best policy as you might have inane and pointless or you can have rude conversations because you're tired or bored. And your body is telling you if you feel like going to bed that you need rest and you should get this rest. It's healthy.

When someone does try to do something, he may find he's too tired to read more than a page or he can't follow the plot of a film. Tiredness and boredom is often only physical from poor diet, lack of sleep, stress and from generally poor physical health. When you feel tired, you concentrate less well and cannot do as much physical activities as when you are not tired. And you can't do much to overcome this except get rest and do things when you are less tired.

HOW TO DISCUSS MOVIES

Read reviews in different magazines, newspapers and on TV to see how to talk about films. Don't think movies are social history because they're not social history but they are good entertainment. Remember, there may be very little you can say about any particular movie and this paradoxically can help you. Talk about special effects, actors, story, setting/artificial world or what the movie was about such as romance or action. As a movie only lasts at most a relatively short time, you can watch many movies. Each one has something unique about it. Use the categories above to help you talk more about them.

Movies are particularly good to talk about when you've just seen them with someone although you can talk about movies you've both seen at some other time. However, you can't give away the ending of a film they haven't seen. And movies are easy to find online so anyone can look up a movie you mention. Don't talk too long about a movie or make more of it than it is, as they will think you're showing off how clever you are and how much you can remember. Someone talks about a movie to get to know you and to see you are an average person they can talk to about things like movies.

HOW TO DISCUSS DOCUMENTARIES

Say you liked it, that's the most important thing. TV has color and high production values. It can have elaborate settings. And it has drama and action. Also, it can have interesting characters or personalities. And it gets an emotional response. Pay attention when you watch and after the documentary has ended, try to remember as many facts as possible. You might remember about 20 facts from one documentary. Facts are things you see as well as what you hear. Record documentaries and repeat this exercise again of going back over facts in the documentary in your head after you've watched. And you may try to concentrate better next time if you didn't the first few times. You may watch the first time to get the gist and get a different meaning next time. Remember the impression it made on you including visual scenes as this will help you remember it. Also, you'll enjoy it more.

And don't wax too lyrical as you can't remember the words used and you can't get the same emotional reaction as TV. Instead, think of what you might say that better describes the documentary and doesn't sound mundane. Talk about the presenter and the interviewees and the impression they made on you. As well, talk about the documentary not as a book but as an entertaining TV show.

HOW TO DISCUSS BOOKS

You can talk about books but talk about parts of books you remember well. Then you don't lose your audience and can give detail they find interesting when they may know the subject generally well already. Or, if they don't, they don't want to hear it all in one evening's conversation. Do not do all one type of thing, such as read two books on the same thing and then don't read anything else. Someone you meet socially may not want to discuss a lot of just one thing.

Also, you forget 90% of what you read. So you need to reread. Once you have an overview, go back and read to some particular theme. For example, for art, you could read about paintings the artist did. You can even make notes in a notebook but any notes you make are not much use except temporarily. Really, even if you had dozens of pages of notes, you couldn't talk about them if they weren't recent and you didn't remember the original text very well. After all, how could you talk about a book a dozen or so pages long?

Read something you're interested in and find easy. This means you find it easy to talk a lot about it and others will also find what you say interesting. And they will think you know your subject if nothing else. Knowing your subject solves many problems you might have talking about anything. And don't feel stressed from trying too hard to get 'better conversation'. There is no good reason any conversation isn't good enough or not good enough for anyone. As well, there is no goal better than to spend some time with friends. But then, of course, they expect you to say something.

Read a bit every day as you can't read all in one go, as you can't concentrate on reading for long at one time. So reading a bit every day, you read more and remember more. Make notes if this helps to cut boredom or keeps your concentration.

Changing your life is a worry and you want to change your life if only to have better social skills. You think poor social skills are because you do not do enough. Making only a few changes may help whilst not increasing worry, such as watching an hour or two's TV late at night but not trying anything else. This may soon improve your social skills and make you feel better more generally. It is also more relaxed to do a variety of things and a variety of media and tasks will give you better social skills.

To improve your general knowledge, you can revise your school and college work and other things you have read since you left school. Trying to remember things you find hard to recall is stressful. Also, revising needn't take long as it is quicker than learning new things. Some people find revision is many times quicker than learning new things. Things you do now don't necessarily have any more value than things you've already done. So revision saves time and is a quick way to improve your social skills. And try studying seriously if you have already read out of interest a lot already and you are a bit bored with books. As well, study techniques mean you remember more and so 'study' will give you better social skills and better self-esteem.

Today, there is more TV and more books than ever. This can help with worries. Different media are such as TV, magazines, books and the Internet. You may find all you want. Think what achievements and talents you have when you say things, such as a subject you are confident you know well. This saves time because you can recycle things you have done you know a lot about. And your social skills are better because you talk about things that you really do know about. But then, you may find that you really only know about hobbies and interests to talk about. You can't talk about work often as it is confidential, others find it boring or others don't know what you are talking about. Nor do they do work like you do. And it is no matter how long you talked about it that they would not find it interesting or understand what you have said. Or, if studies, you could not talk very well about your studies to someone who was not another student, as they would probably not follow you unless they were also a student. You can read more, watch more TV and do more hobbies knowing they improve your social skills.

Stress can cause poor relationships. And the way to have better relationships is to be more attractive towards women, so women want you as a friend, as a date or they want you as a long-term partner. Everyone would like to be more attractive. But you are less attractive to look at or talk to if you are worried and tired. Also, you should budget better so you can afford a nice home, clothes and you can have a good social life. Also, you want to be able to afford entertainment and media. And you might have to pay at least some money so you can do exercise or sport or you might pay a bit more for healthy food than you would for some cheaper foods. Anyone who wants to live well generally may need to budget well.

Smell is a major thing women say they find off-putting. You really need to change this if you have a problem with it. When you have a problem with body odor, you need to wash and use deodorant. Then you may have no problems keeping active, with stress, social skills, talking to women or any other problems at all. As well as good social skills, you may have no worries with time management. Good social skills reduce stress and less stress causes good social skills in a virtuous circle. Try not talking about worries and you can try as well to do a bit of exercise. If you find yourself talking about worry, try saying, 'let's change the subject'. Or you can use other similar phrases. Worry might also take up all your time and so you have no time for watching TV or reading. As well, you talk about worries because you have done nothing else but worry.

As paper is unhygienic, wash your hands after reading and do not scratch or touch anywhere on the body or face. Also, do not read in bed because this is also unhygienic. You can buy keyboard wipes to clean computer keyboards. And you can clean book covers with a moist cloth. Hold paper loosely at the edges. Don't run your finger along the lines or run it down the page. Nor turn the page with your thumb as your thumb is bigger and sweats more. Electro-magnetic radiation from your computer is also unhygienic. And sitting at a desk is unhygienic because of the lack of fresh air you get above a desk. But you can open a window to help move fresh air over your desk. Overall, it is more hygienic to use your computer less and if you take proper breaks. If you use a computer or you use paper notebooks, these few tips may solve all your computer, handwriting, note-making, other writing and time management problems.

You may worry about women and this gives you poor social skills women will notice. To improve your social skills, make an effort to stop worrying about them. Read all you can about women and sex and relationships. An example of this is sex surveys.

This is someone's experience of sex surveys.

He says,

"Like, I suppose, many others, I have bought a newspaper or magazine for a sex survey it had inside. I wanted to know more about sex. Why was I not having as much sex as I wanted? Were others doing it more than me? What were they doing that I was missing? What I found from looking up sex surveys is that others do have sex the same as me but with some variation in how they do it. Some have done things like having adulterous affairs and some haven't. Some have gone to prostitutes and some haven't. Some have never had sex. Some have had three in a bed. Some have more sex and some have less sex. The percentage is unimportant as the percentage may vary."

A technique that works well in all social situations is to look to see if the person you are talking to is interested and then do not talk to them if they are not. It means you do not waste time on someone who is not interested and you can spend more time on those who are. Their body language can tell you whether they are or are not interested in what you are saying. For example, they are not interested if they do not make eye contact or they look away for extended periods. Also, they might lean back all the time or cross their arms. These show lack of interest. Do not feel you have to talk to fill uncomfortable silences or feel they have not understood something you said and so say more. They just do not want to hear anything you say or they do not want you to explain anything at all to them. And this is their reason for their lack of interest. Knowing this one technique of talking only if they are interested may mean you do not have poor conversations anymore and nor do you have worries over social skills anymore. No matter how you try to appeal to people like these, they may never really want to talk to you, like you or be interested in you. Many other social skills are worthless if somebody does not want to talk to you to start with.

Sometimes good friends or girlfriends show this body language or do not talk back. And you think, 'why would they see me at all if they didn't like me and they don't have to see me'. Also, you think, 'if they were just laughing at my social ineptness, wouldn't they have had enough of doing so by now?' It is good advice to, 'take some cards with you for when they don't want to talk' as doing this you spend a better, more relaxed and happier time with them.

THINGS NOT TO TALK ABOUT

Yours or your friend's family and friends. You might not like their friends if you met them and they are not your family.

Yours or their health. You are not their doctor or nurse. And you may know next to nothing about health anyway unless you have a medical qualification.

Religion. It is contentious often.

Politics. It often leads to arguments and bad feeling.

Work. You or they don't have an interesting job. Either yours or their work could be confidential. You may not understand their work unless you have the same qualifications.

Sex. It is often too personal.

Your studies. You can talk about your studies to other students studying the same subject when you find it useful for learning. However, you are not trying to educate anyone. And others will often not understand what you have said if they are not also a student doing the same course.

Perhaps, you should take up something like art and be an artist. Anybody can train as an artist. As well, art is neutral and breaks down barriers between people. To be an artist, you don't need to develop great technical skill, but instead you can try your hand at it and use your imagination. Do an easy picture if just for the sake of saying that you have done some art. Read about art and talk about it. It is also part of the hobby to show your knowledge of art history as well as to draw and paint.

Talking about art, you can understand anyone. You can as people want to talk back to you. And you can see people's lives just by talking about anything. Also, you can get more than one view on art itself. And it is interesting to talk about anything at all to anyone at all.

Some say you need to understand a lot about the world, everyone does, for everyone to work and socialize and society itself to exist. Yet this doesn't explain how someone can only watch the TV and never read but still have no worries. For example, they do not need lessons about how technology works to understand what a computer is as it seems they already know about computers from the TV. Why is it that so many read copious amounts to understand better the society they live in but others cope without reading anything? Some people want to know about today's leaders, technology, social problems and business problems. Also, they want to know about history, science, literature or about art. They want to know or they don't feel they'll be able to cope. Perhaps, though, they do not watch much TV or they would have seen all these things at some time on TV. And they are only reading to get up to speed when they could learn it all quicker and more easily from the TV. What's more, they'd not have time pressures if they watched TV instead of reading and so they would reduce much worry over time management. Some may succeed if they switched on their TV a bit more. TV shows are well researched, up-to-date and they usually convey more information than writing. They do as they have picture and sound and not just words.

However little anyone reads, they may have a world-view that works for them to cut stress and worry. They got this understanding as children and the rest they could watch on TV. For example, the occasional documentaries you may have seen about computers, science, artists, and other subjects are ones they have watched as well. And they are all they need to understand anything new.

Someone with a high level of education often reads books in preference to TV. And someone with a lower level of education often watches TV. They each prefer their own way because they find it more interesting. As well, for them it is also easiest. Some prefer books as TV is not entertaining enough and they know it all already. They say someone both reads and watches TV when their education was neither good nor bad. As well, these are the people who have problems. Some books are a bit hard for them and some TV is often a bit easy. Also, you will often only ever have the education you know already and the one you got at school or college. So you can't change your reading or TV habits easily.

It might seem that all society works at the lowest common denominator of what everyone knows. And anything else is wasted. As well, there is no reason to know more usually. An exception is if your social skills need improvement when you might have been ill for a time or drunk too much. So you need help others don't need. As well, you might read to reduce worry about society when worry about society is also traditionally associated with drunks and invalids.

# Chapter 5, Self – Help

Self-help books will generally give the causes of your problems and will offer ready-made solutions. Having a solution given to you, you should save a lot of time and effort trying to find answers yourself. As well, some are more motivated when they know there is a good reason for the advice a self-help book gives and the book has taken time enough to explain.

Time management stress is no different from normal stress. Any stress adds up. Stress is distracting and means you can't think properly about problems.

There are ten ideas in this chapter:-

The reason you can't manage your time better is that you use a computer at home too much.

Take a break and relax, and then you can think through your problems.

Try to change yourself today.

Ten more secrets you can try out.

Stress causes problems managing your time, as well as doing excessive time management causes stress.

Self-help, what really works?

You may not accept advice that would help you.

You don't understand why you worry all the time. Often you worry about nothing. It seems that worry affects some more than it affects others.

The value of quotations, notes and revising

Be motivated not to worry. Make changes without making yourself worried. Worrying about changing your life and about self-help will kill you as much as any worry.

REASON 1. THE REASON YOU CAN'T MANAGE YOUR TIME BETTER IS THAT YOU USE A COMPUTER AT HOME TOO MUCH.

You may spend many hours learning the software, typing and using word processors and spreadsheets. This takes time and stops you doing other things. Using a computer at home is often why you have no time.

Let us check some examples of how you might use a computer at home.

Creative writing and art has a good chance of getting readers or viewers online. Go for it!

You can use a computer to do amateur research. Unfortunately, some amateur research has a bad reputation, such as it is incorrect science or someone makes up the results as a joke. Even professional researchers make up their findings and there are checks on them but not amateurs.

Also, you can use a computer to do your budget. To do your budget or for any other figures, spreadsheets have the advantage of instantly doing calculations. This is better than using a pocket calculator. Find out how to budget from published sources if you want to budget better, though, as you need more than a computer spreadsheet.

Do you make notes about your life? You are unlikely to find a publisher for these notes although that may be your hope one day. Even if you showed them to a friend, they may not want to read them.

You may not want to have a computer when computers have a downside despite thinking they could give you a dynamic career, or be an outlet for your creative energies and to improve your hobbies. Other hobbies such as reading novels or going to the movies don't have a downside. Perhaps, you could just do these instead and give up whatever computers have to offer.

An upside is that computers are safer for some hobbies than the existing methods. Paints have toxins in them such as lead and other toxins and computers do not have these toxins as computer paint is just the same as pixels on your TV screen. Digital colors are also bright and there are thousands of possible colors available for the cost of an art program. They won't run out. As well, if you use keyboard wipes and wash your hands, then computers are more hygienic in some ways than paper. This is particularly if you don't sit next to your screen. Photography with paper and dark rooms used dangerous chemicals such as mercury and digital doesn't have any dangerous chemicals. Video-editing could be very fiddly and video tape had toxic chemicals in it. Typewriters were heavier on your fingers than computer keyboards and the manual return caused shoulder wear and tear. How you fed paper into a typewriter was unhealthy and particularly it was fiddly and unhealthy if you used carbon paper. Also, you could not get wave keyboards until recently that are healthier for larger persons. Before them, typewriters and then early computer keyboards had in mind the ergonomics of office typists in the 1960s. They were short slim women. Stringed musical instruments were hard on the hands. Most computers either use a piano keyboard or QWERTY keyboard and mouse that involves less twisting of the fingers. Woodwind and brass instruments were hard on your lungs and changed the shape of your mouth.

Computers have other advantages for hobbyists over previous hobby equipment. Programs offer more features to the hobbyist than were previously possible on a budget. Or many features were not available at all for most hobbyists before computers. Computers can produce more work to start with and you can edit work. Also, you can produce different creations from one seminal work. As well, as it is digital, you can copy works as a file, print it, send it by email or preview it on any computer. All artists can now have a Camera Obscura that only rich artists had beforehand. And it is often included as standard in most art programs. Artists don't have to abandon work that is not working as they can go back a bit in the painting. And they can save a work half way through and produce two different pictures. A musical artist can now compose a piece with an entire orchestra. And a video or photographic editor has special effects that would have cost lots more only a few years ago. Often a computer works out cheaper and particularly for the serious hobbyist who wants to produce a lot of work.

However, computers do have a downside in that they are carcinogenic, cause backache, eye strain, and harm your hands if you overuse them or you are not a good typist. Computers also attract dust, have radiation from the VDU and it is bad for your eyes when your computer is in your home and against a wall. Computers could cause fewer problems if everyone followed the standard health advice not to overuse them. But this is hard for some people when computers are so useful for so many things. However, a computer in the home still takes up space, costs money and probably will not get anyone the job of their dreams. Nor will a computer help with goals, such as health, social skills or with making friends.

An exercise you can do is to try to think well of computers and see if just thinking positively about them means you use them better and with less stress. You might not really like computers but you think you should like them. How you feel about your computer could be the cause of all your problems. Thinking well about your computer may be important to making better use of it. Try it as an experiment. And see if at the end of the experiment, you still want to use a computer for the same things or you have other things for which you would like to use it. You don't really need a computer at home as you can do without it. The reason you can't manage your time at home better might be that you use your computer too much.

This is someone's experience where he tried being more positive about computers.

He says,

"I have used a computer for some time but a while ago I began to see it as a problem because it took so much of my time. Really, I had other things I wanted to do instead but I never got round to doing any of them. Also, it caused poor health. Perhaps, though, I could make more time for other things by using my computer better so it took less time to finish work. I tried learning about computers as much as possible and I did feel less stressed and more productive after a few months. Indeed, I even began to think my computer could become an indispensable tool to help me and not just a worry. But then, I doubted that I would ever get the benefits they say you get without a big downside. I realized the disadvantages they have as well had given me such mixed feelings about them. For example, I did not think if I used a computer that I could really keep in good health. And this is even if I could use a computer better. As well, even when I did use it a bit better recently, I still doubted whether the computer really gave me anything I really wanted."

REASON 2. TAKE A BREAK, RELAX AND THINK THROUGH YOUR PROBLEMS.

Some say 'write it all down'. However, sometimes it is better to relax, look out the window and think through problems in your head.

Think of what you know already for a few minutes before you write anything down. And think as well about what more you can look up. You can find solutions quicker from reading others' writing as writing anything yourself takes time. When you are not able to find what you want, think that the Internet is getting better all the time and you won't let it worry you until you find the answer. Not writing it down, you don't have to worry someone will see what you've written. Nor do you want health problems from handwriting or typing. And thinking instead of writing is quicker. Also, thinking is completely healthy but writing or using a computer is not.

You may find you worry about some things only, so take some time to think through the problems that often worry you. Think of solutions sitting in a comfortable chair and not writing at a desk as solutions may come more readily to mind.

REASON 3. TRY TO CHANGE YOURSELF TODAY.

You may want to change – to be better at something such as painting, playing a musical instrument or your studies. Or you may want better social skills. Maybe, you want to live a more fulfilled life by listening to your inner-self better. However, you cannot and you endlessly problem-solve, try to make more time and write To Do Lists. You try to do things but it is because you attempted it to start with that you might also fail. And so you worry every day.

When stressed, your memory is poorer and you think through your problems less well. Also, you damage your health overusing a computer and handwriting too much, which you do because you want to solve your computer and other problems. As well, you neglect doing exercise and this causes more stress that you are not keeping healthy. Reducing stress as much as you can in any way you can may improve your life. For example, you will think more clearly about your problems when less worried and do more without trying. As well, you will feel better and healthier. There seems a virtuous circle of worrying less about some things causing less worry about other things.

REASON 4. TEN MORE SECRETS.

All your problems are because you don't know how to cope and you just have to learn how. And you shouldn't worry in the meantime.

Poor hygiene is your problem.

You have forgotten or you did not learn to start with that knowledge is in subjects and genres.

You have not looked after your physical health. That is why you are not up to coping with any work and can't make the effort.

You do things you can't cope with but you needn't do them at all.

You feel you need the last few pieces of the jigsaw that you don't have yet. However, really, you don't need them.

You can make basic changes that work.

Your personal issues cause all your problems with worry and managing your time and you need help with this.

Your problems are all from worry about women and you need to learn about sex and relationships to help you with these worries.

You know what to do but don't do it. Get a move on!

REASON 5. STRESS IS YOUR PROBLEM MANAGING YOUR TIME WELL.

You can get help with anxiety and stress. Anxiety and stress is a recognized medical and psychological condition. As well as seeing a medical professional, books written by professionals can help you.

Books on anxiety and stress:-

Anxiety Management (Cognitive Behavior Therapy)

Stress Management

Anger management

Generally published and for the mass market psychology books

Physical health – hygiene, diet, exercise, sleep

Skills are such as social skills, budgeting, goal-setting, cooking or home computing. Also, they are creative writing or art or making music.

An example of how these may work together is,

To have good social skills, you want to talk about the right things such as good hobbies and interests. Yet you must have done more than creating works of art to have good social skills. For example, you may not watch TV that much but if you did it would improve your social skills. Also, you might still like to be able to say something about yourself other than you have seen a TV show. But the effort of producing creative work has begun to worry you. And you spend a lot of time problem-solving this and other worries. Now you think that perhaps you're doing creative work a bit better and taking your breaks more often as you know you should do. Then, creative hobbies on your computer might be a good therapy and your computer not bad for you. So you have tried to use your computer better and you've had some success. Yet you still don't have much time to do anything else and so you have poor social skills just the same. Next, you try some more but begin to feel that you have no more solutions for using your computer better or for using it less. This is when you have a 'need for it', such as for a therapy, to produce creative work and to do other things for which you are using it. You feel you might give up your computer, but everyone tells you that you're being silly and that nobody else has such a problem. And what you have is a useful versatile machine that normally anyone would love to have and would value even if you don't value yours. However, you find your poor social skills really are stressful on their own and these poor social skills are beginning to become a long-term more worrying problem. So you lose friends and then you have more time to use a computer and to do more creative work. But then the creative juices stop flowing without an active social life. As well, you can see for yourself that nobody wants to be a writer or an artist and not be able to tell anyone about it. Also, you would want to have a normal social life. And you might think that you could get decent money if your work is any good. By now, you are not getting things you want, have few friends and you still have computer and other problems. But you feel that if you focus on your computer and other problems for just a bit longer, then they might all soon be solved. But if you do in the end succeed, it is a hollow victory. Often, you feel happy not to use it at all or not to use it that much when before you could not leave it alone. Really, you had just been excited by all the possibilities. And you could not put your new toy down, you wanted to show your new toy to all your friends and you did not feel like playing with your other toys.

Having a computer at home may be all your problems when you are not coping well generally. And you overuse one when you want to cope better to see if you can do better next time. Or there is some new tip you can learn and apply. Yet overusing a computer has its own particular worries as well, such as poor concentration and taking too much time. And you use your computer to plan your time on and do creative work on it that should bring benefits but you don't think you get them as you would want them. As well, you don't have any decent conversations anymore about anything at all and you feel stressed all the time. And when you do talk, it is all about your computer and other worries.

A solution is not to do activities that stress you but to do hobbies and interests that are not stressful. At least, your friends may talk to you if they can see you are not anxious and worried.

REASON 6. SELF-HELP, WHAT REALLY WORKS?

There is a lot of well-meaning advice about self-help, but here is one person's experience of things that really did help him. They helped him for a time and at least in the circumstances that he was in when he used them. This is what worked for him and he has not written about any other ideas that did not ever work for him.

He says,

"Stay in and read and watch TV. Don't go out and see others. Meeting others is stressful and takes time. Reading all you want reduces stress by achieving learning goals and answering your questions. You cannot read all day so you might also watch TV. Go out when you have read and you've watched something on TV. Now, you can enjoy some company. Early evening baths relax you as you may feel stressed later in the evenings. Keep your room very clean and tidy. Overdo it a bit so you know it is clean. Wash well in the bath as not washing well may be your only problem. Exercising and having a shower after can work on its own."

REASON 7. YOU DO NOT ACCEPT ADVICE THAT WOULD HELP YOU.

The advice that does not work has the effect of making you think badly about yourself. Others say, however, it is for your own good. Also, others may not listen as much as you need. Some of this advice has some truth in it. Nevertheless, the way they say it means someone does not want to listen.

For example, poor advice givers blame the person for something or other, such as they say that the person's problems are because they are not nice and do not help. Or they wanted too much and others had to come first. Or they say that they were intellectually inadequate for some reason and that it was 'madness' to expect anything or for others to give them anything or want to have them as a friend when they have so many faults.

REASON 8. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WORRY ALL THE TIME. OFTEN YOU WORRY ABOUT NOTHING.

Stress is a cause in 80% of all illnesses. Although you may be predisposed to stress, you do not need to have it. For the sake of your health, your only priority should be to cut it.

You may worry over many things, but is it only 'worry about worry' and not real problems? Don't these worries make you angry as well? They say not to dwell on worries but perhaps you're secretly fuming. You need to stop the anger building up when you feel something is wrong, should be done, you feel helpless, the world is cruel or you are not being heard. These are worries that make you feel angry as well.

Not worrying you can improve your health. Some worry about being a success, making friends, being a better person and about their health itself. To stop worrying, try to cut as much stress of any kind as you can from your life. And try to do as much as you can about your worries. Such as, try taking more exercise if you worry about your health.

Something that still stresses you may stress you enough to cause other worries and problems. For example, if you don't sleep well, then you might be too tired to do things the next day. This causes a worry. Think if anything has caused you stress. For example, someone had reduced many sources of stress but he had not thought that his attempts to read more caused him so much stress. When he watched TV instead, he felt less stressed. He said to himself that he could remember more of the TV than reading anyway. Your health is a genuine worry when many other worries you have may not be real. Making a plan to improve health can be a bit stressful but when it is your only plan, it is less stressful. Doing exercise and being healthy helps reduce stress and is beneficial for the body anyway. Worrying about your future health also causes stress. Doing something to help now will reduce worry and improve physical health.

Talking about worries is a worry in itself and it is a worry you can do something about now. Stopping talking about worries may cut stress. Worries are a bad subject to talk about because others feel you can't cope and you are worrying them as well. They may think you just need to see a therapist and stop talking to them about your worries. And they do not want to hear your problems when they can't help you. Also, when you say others worry you, some people feel they don't really know what happened. As well, they think you are asking them to be in your corner when they don't really want to be. And talking about worries, you don't talk about pleasant things that help you bond a lot better.

To stop talking about worries, you can solve your problems. And you'd do this easily if you did what is in each and everyone's power to do. Also, you didn't instead talk about them and what you were doing to help yourself all the time.

REASON 9. THE VALUE OF QUOTATIONS, NOTES AND REVISING

Quotations from great men and women they say are to help you with your own lesser problems. Yet you hear that quotes are only for after dinner speeches. When you worry less, you read more. You have to read more of other things to understand quotations. They have a context of the real world. And this real world is where men and women act to do things because they know about things. And the things that men and women do who know about things around them give us our news headlines. As well, they give us many everyday things. In some ways when you understand the context better, then the quotations are superfluous. However, some things they say succinctly and well. And you may be pleased to see again quotations you had forgotten.

REASON 10. BE MOTIVATED NOT TO WORRY. MAKE CHANGES WITHOUT MAKING YOURSELF WORRIED. WORRYING ABOUT CHANGING YOUR LIFE AND ABOUT SELF-HELP WILL KILL YOU AS MUCH AS ANY WORRY.

Many self-help books say, 'Don't worry'. Worry will kill you eventually. And it will stop you living a good life long before. It causes bad illnesses and early death. Find out about these illnesses because this will help motivate you not to get them.

You may feel that you don't want to think now about health but now is often a good time to do so. You can start a health plan. You may get advice to prevent some illnesses that requires less effort to do something now rather than later. And don't worry about trivial things in the meantime. Relationships are stressful if you talk about worries. Also, you forget to do exercise and to clean up.

When you want to live the rest of your life as you would like to, reducing stress may be your only goal. Do something about it now for your future. You will regret it if you get in poor health regardless of any 'achievements' you felt you wanted. However, if ambition gets you up in the morning happy, contented, and looking forward to another day of your successful life, then ambition improves your health instead of harming it.

Often for planning, all anyone wants is some useful and easy-to-remember advice that is guaranteed to work. And nor does it sound like a plan but just advice. Perhaps, to try to live a healthy, happy life is the only, or at least the most important task, metric or a goal you can have. Whenever you have a choice to do the healthy or happier options, you should do them. And perhaps abandon the heartache of long-term but possibly fruitless ambitions.

Anything you want badly that you might not get can make you unhappy and any long-term or hard-to-achieve ambition is often stressful. And trying to do something you find hard or that involves a lot of learning stresses you. Computers and the type of tasks you do on them is a lot of learning. As well, it is the same stress as any other stress. And it will give you poor health particularly if you have it for long. So worry from using a computer may literally shorten your life. If you make big changes, although they seem riskier than small ones, they are more likely to succeed. Perhaps, try thinking about some big changes around your computer use.

# Chapter 6, Conclusions

This book has given advice on how if you make a plan to read, watch TV and do some exercise but not much else, then it is less stressful and less hard on your health. Some find it particularly stressful to do something that is quite ambitious and that they use their computer to do. Yet you can make using your computer easier if you use it properly and have a working computer. It seems that you can do great things on your computer but you still need to follow health advice. Otherwise, you are almost bound to feel stressed and unproductive.

Also, there are things you might do on your Home PC that can cause a lot of stress or take longer than you would want. Things like this are such as a hobby doing creative arts. Any hobby already has its own particular skill set. Skill sets usually include how to plan work, how to produce better work and how to sell your work. Other things you use your computer for, such as to budget, plan a holiday, or for education and learning also have their own skill set. You do not need 'computers skills' or 'planning skills' when these are often more general skills. An example of a planning skill is writing To Do lists that you hear so much about. Other general skills are using the software well so you know all the buttons and menus and what they do and so that any software you buy will suit the purpose you use it for. Having all these skills may cut most, if not all, your stress and ill health. This could be from using a computer or from doing personal ambitions that just happen to use a computer or other non-computer personal ambitions.

For any personal plan, you may already know the things that you should do and understand the reasons for doing them. Any plan may only reduce to a not-too-long list of things to do. As well, most of them you can do yourself and don't need any other co-operation or work done for you. Really, you only need to be motivated and to remember to do things you need to do for you to succeed. Often it comes down to having a moment of inspiration. Or it is just having the ability that some don't always have that you can keep to plans you make. As well as motivation, you may just need adequate reminders to do things on your plan. Also, you may need making the plan to start with or to research it if possible online or in other published books and information. But really, there is not much else to succeed in a personal ambition as so much is down to you and only you. Sometimes, people already have enough advice and resources they need but just don't make a good start doing it.

It is motivating to see your progress. And you can keep records so you can see any progress you make so you are motivated. A tip is that sometimes you can use these records as reminders as well, such as a record reminds you by you seeing when you last did something. And as you are more likely to keep records that have more utility, you have something that is easier to do as it will help you with more than one thing.

It is beyond the scope of this book to talk a lot about Home Admin or budgeting or other specific computer uses. The only solution often to cut stress doing any computer or non-computer task is to learn how to do it properly including any planning techniques that you need. Planning in particular is stressful. As well, if you find your computer stressful, you could just choose to revert to pen and paper. But this may not always work out. Or you could simply decide not to do any tasks you find stressful. And this is particularly if you don't really have to do them. It may sound like a joke but there is an instant, guaranteed and major saving in time, money, stress, your health and anything else if you don't do it in the first place.

Admin is not a hobby and someone should want to see real benefits from his Home Admin, such as to save time, effort and financial cost. And creative hobbies and study have their own tried and tested methods to plan that cut almost all stress doing them.

Really, someone often only needs daily living skills and a little keep fit often to lead a successful and happy life. And these skills are not hard to learn, at least in comparison to anything else you might learn. As well, someone must be motivated to do anything if it needs making any effort at all. Some would just prefer to stay in a comfortable chair watching TV and not do any exercise.

This books talks about worries as it is good to talk about worries and problems. The book does although offer some practical solutions for computer and home time-management problems and stress.

However, just not having mixed feelings about your computer, such as your computer is not causing you ill health may cut a lot of the stress you feel. As well, you can have mixed feelings spending too long on your computer so you don't have time to read or watch TV or socialize. And you don't have good social skills with your friends if you haven't watched any TV. Other mixed feelings someone may have about their computer are because it is not helping them as much as they'd like with their hobbies, creative ambitions, budget or personal plans. If you did not have mixed feelings about your computer, you may immediately use your computer better. And you may do any real or computer ambitions and have fewer mixed feelings about it.

Readers who read this book said things like,

'So all I do in my spare time is read lots and watch TV lots. And I can still keep fit. That's all I need to do'.

Or you may say something like, 'I will get good social skills if I watch the TV all day. So that's a big worry solved instantly! In a way, I always knew this but must have been so crass to reject it'.

Again you may say something like, 'There's no problem with worries. I don't have any. All solved. You've just explained to me at length that it really is all right to sit in front of the TV all the time and then take the dog out for a walk'.

Yet again you may say something like, 'Why did I not see it before? I've missed out all these years. And I've not missed anything'.

You may be quite right to think things like this and the book does say this somewhat. However, it was not my intention when I started to write the book but if that is what you learn from it, you may have gained something of use. And if it makes you happier to, 'literally not have any worries anymore', you can just take this one piece of advice as what you get from the book. The book may have removed any obstacles for you that stopped you living such a happy decent life. As well, a life without any ambition except to not worry is perhaps what you want after so much.

When you already have computer skills, you may as well continue using your computer. A computer can now help you and not the reverse. You may, though, also need at some time to learn new skills around your computer use. New skills are such as new software or a new real activity for which you use your computer to help you. Some skills you can learn quickly, such as if a skill is largely revision. But other skills take longer to learn.

Alternatively, if you worry about a particular subject, then a reading list may help to cut your home time management stress to almost zero. And you can use your computer browser to look up any subject. Also, you can use a computer WP to make notes in your own words. As well, other software is therapeutic such as art software. Perhaps, you can also ask a friend for advice who may help when you've not seen how something you have read could help you or you've forgotten it.

Time management is something that is stressful for anyone. And it is more stressful if you have problems with stress anyway. It is stressful because ultimately it will always fail. And at home, you don't have a boss telling you to do anything and nor is anyone paying you. Nor do you have to do any 'work' or any other kind of thing you might do on your computer if you are not doing it or going to show it to anyone else. And you need your computer for very few, if any, tasks when you are doing them only for yourself and nobody else. In their personal life, everyone may just do exactly what they feel like and they only think they are doing anything else.

An alternative is if they motivate themselves by long thought about what they want to do and what is important to them that they really do want to change. Alternatively, they could build up a convincing argument to change something about their lives they feel needs changing, that now they have mixed feelings about or can't always be bothered to do or change. For example, you may use a computer to look up advice with a browser and then make notes on a WP. But really, you could just read a book. Or you may feel motivated but often not find the time to do physical exercise. You could just watch the TV and go out for walks. And don't instead feel more comfortable staying in and using your computer. This is because people, they say, 'do not always feel like doing it'. They 'really would like to do so'. And 'they should do it'. But they can't often be bothered to do it. Or they make any excuse for not doing what they said they were going to do.

They know in one way they should do exercise as they know already it has health benefits, but they don't really try hard enough when there are short-term disadvantages. And the short-term often wins out. As well, this is a reason plans often don't work, as you have to be motivated in the short-term as well as the long-term to keep to your plan. Nor can you just want long-term benefits so that you'll keep to your plans unless you are more motivated than average to want these long-term benefits. Often someone who is motivated to keep to a plan that has long-term benefits often sees very good short-term benefits as well.

When computers offer so much, you want one. But to do these things, you may need good computer skills. As well, you may need to learn many creative skills that are not just computer skills, such as writing, art, music, video-making or photography. It is a lot of learning often, and often a quite academic type learning if there is any other type. And you may not want to do it, as you didn't think that this was what a Home PC offered when you bought one.

You can if you don't want your computer any more draw a line under it instead and not use one. Perhaps, put your computer in storage or sell it. It is not the author's intention to try to persuade you otherwise when that may be the best decision for you. Nor does he want to discourage you from your ambitions if you can succeed in them without worries and you only get enjoyment from them.

A maxim is, 'don't try too hard'. And it is good advice for many things. When you find something is too hard, perhaps you shouldn't do it when you may feel better if you don't. Instead, say something to yourself, such as that you'd prefer a quiet cup of tea in the armchair of your own home to using a computer. Or you can have other personal ambitions that don't use a computer. Perhaps, you still have places you want to go and things you want do. And if they don't involve using a computer, then they may be trouble-free for you. Really, this is when you may always have computer problems. You may at least get different problems you might solve more easily. Still, some people say that the only problem anyone really has using a computer is taking adequate breaks and keeping their desk clear of clutter. And if you can't make a go of computers soon enough, they might make you ill in a quite short time. And computers really can cause painful and debilitating illnesses using them poorly.

And just because others have computers and don't seem to have problems with them, you don't have to get one yourself. Nor must you have one because you think they are modern and you are keeping up with the times by owning your own piece of modern technology. And if computers stress you and particularly if you don't think you really get anything back anyway from anything you use them for, then you don't really have any good reason to have one. You can, though, try to change how you use your computer to see if you can cope better, such as sticking to taking adequate breaks to see if that helps you and solves all your problems. Or you can change the activities themselves that you do on your computer, such as not having ambitions to share work. And for now, it is just a hobby. You might do this if your standard is not very good yet until by chance someday you might see that you have improved to a much better standard.

However, you would want to reduce stress sooner and not later. And you would want to do this just for the sake of your health if nothing else. If you still have computer problems and still feel stressed after a short time, then remember that there are consequences from not managing your computer correctly. These consequences are health problems that may only show in the long-term. But you could if you did a lot better using a computer not be so stressed or you might not become ill for other physical health reasons. But then to be healthier, you'd probably have to use computers a lot less and not just use them better or manage your time a bit better on them. Remember that there are still plenty of other hobbies that do not use computers.

It is a truism that there is often a good reason anyone feels like giving anything up. This reason is that they no longer want the goal for any reason at all and they only see benefits in giving up. As well, they have worked out that they are never going to succeed in their goals even if they did keep going. So they can stop doing them and instead they can do something better. As well, there is normally no very good reason to get poor health because of trying too hard to do anything.

For example, you can't have achieved something and then chat to the carer about it who comes to clean your apartment because you find it hard to clean your apartment by yourself and need help. Nor can you have an enthralled audience in a nursing home you are a patient in of nurses and other carers and the cleaners telling them how you changed the world. Nor chat to a nurse on the finer points of what you tried to do with your art or writing as she has a few minutes to speak to you before seeing the other patients as well. Nor can you brag about your successes when you need to ask someone to hand you something because you find it too much effort.

As well, if you are ill and need help, nobody you'll find will take any advice from you, expect or want you to help them with anything and nor listen to your views about anything. Either they'll ignore you or worse they will not want to help you, such as to clean something up for you that you spilled. And they'll see you as a failure and not really worth listening to when you are older, ill, sick or poorly.

Some say computers are almost unavoidably stressful. And you can read about computer health concerns in the Press. You may, though, find instead It does all you want and it is all you ever dreamed. Also, you might like wasting time on them when you would otherwise be more bored. As well, your computer helps you do things you want to do that are for real things you want in life when your computer is not just a 'computer hobby'. For example, it improves your hobbies and interests you want to do anyway. As well, it may save you time when you do your Home Budget and other admin on it.

Perhaps you are the exception that proves the rule. Maybe as well, there are millions of exceptions like you quietly working on their computers and going online who neither complain nor talk about their computers. Instead, they are just using them and getting the benefits you could have if you made computers work for you as they have done. And if that is you, then you're doing fine already. But if you're reading this book, then you may just need some kind of help or advice.

And if you're not happy using a computer, then maybe just don't have one. It seems that any problems you have can be solved without any needless worry or stress. Using computers is sometimes a worry you really don't need. And nor do you have to harm your health when you can make a choice not to use something as unhealthy as a computer.

Instead, you can move your computer out and vacuum where it was for the first time in years that now has a thick layer of dust. As well, you can replace the space it occupied with a plant pot. Or you can stare at the big area of space that has appeared.

In life, there will always be new problems and new challenges. But you can think for yourself, solve any problems and cope with any challenges. And you can do this as well as anything else you think about or do. Also, you need to read and make notes, as you can't do everything just by using your brain. Others have already discussed any problems anyone generally has and you may have now, and they have come up with solutions that work for anyone with these problems. Also, you have a voice and some social skills and so you can ask for advice.

To use a computer for tasks it can do, you need to know how to use one. Almost all the computer skills that you will ever need are just what the buttons and menus do. Then think how to do the real goal for which you are using your computer. A computer can mean you do a real goal, such as a creative hobby to produce more and better quality work. All these real creative hobbies and arts have their own planning techniques and other skills you need that reduce stress doing them and mean you work better and more productively. Home Admin such as budgeting or planning a holiday also have specific planning techniques for them. And almost nobody's home life needs general planning techniques such as To Do lists used by office workers. As well, following other health advice for using computers, such as to take breaks reduces a lot of physical ill health as well as stress and worry. And ill health reduces how productive you are using a computer or doing anything else.

You may not have any more computer problems or any home time management stress if you follow the advice in this book. The author has written this book to give some tips and practical advice to reduce your home time management stress right now.

***THE END***

Page 71 
