-Hi everyone, welcome to
the "Tonight Show."
I'm Jimmy Fallon.
Thank you so much for watching.
I threw my -- I threw my voice
out yesterday.
-You did?
-Doing the guy with the mask --
The guy with -- the man mask.
-Oh, right, right.
-I threw it out.
So I'm a little raspy.
There's a little extra bonus
tonight.
I got a little raspy voice.
-Raspy.
-It's mysterious.
-Worth it.
-Mysterious, you don't know
if I'm -- if this is a bit
or if this is real, you know.
I kind of like it.
I kind of might
want to keep it.
I'm talking to a couple
vocal coaches.
[ Light laughter ]
To see if I can keep it.
-Make it a thing?
-Yeah, I'm gonna make it
my thing.
-Make it a thing?
-Yeah, this is gonna be a thing.
It started off, you know,
lemonade out of lemons.
-I don't think -- I don't think
it's a good fit.
[ Light laughter ]
-It's --
What are you talking about?
This fits me.
-Um, I don't know.
-You know what, do you remember
when we were on the
Thanksgiving Day float?
No, not that story.
-Oh, okay.
-The other story. No, no.
-Okay.
-No, no, not --
No, not Richard Simmons.
That was great.
But, no, this is when
we were on the float
and I was up -- I forget
what we were on,
some giant something,
and I was screaming,
I was so excited.
It was the first time.
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-I was like,
"Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving!"
Yelling, and you go,
"Dude, dude.
Save your instrument."
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, you lost your voice
like blocks into,
like, an 80-block parade.
[ Laughter ]
-I was so excited, man.
I was like, I've never
been on a float.
I was yelling at everybody.
Yelling back, "I love you too!
Happy Thanksgiving!"
And then, yeah, I lost it.
Save your instrument.
-Yeah, man.
-Wow, I even wrote that
in my diary.
-[ Laughs ]
-Anyways, we're back, everybody.
And thanks so much again
for watching last night.
This is episode two
of the in-studio shows,
and it -- it feels good be --
to be back here.
So, let's get to some jokes.
Well, guys, as cases of
coronavirus continue to surge
across the country, President
Trump has made a decision
regarding next month's
Republican National Convention.
-The Republican National
Convention, which is set
to take place in Jacksonville
six weeks from now,
we're told now by Republicans
familiar with the planning,
a lot of that may be
moving outdoors.
-Yeah the president is now
holding a three-day
outdoor event in Florida
in August.
[ Light laughter ]
It will be worth watching just
to see Trump lap up
glasses of water like
a thirsty Golden Retriever.
[ Slurps ]
[ Laughter ]
And poor Mike Pence
is going to be sweating
like he's sitting through
a "Drag Race" marathon.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, Trump decided to move
the convention outside
after meeting with his
most trusted advisors,
Chuck Woolery
and the My Pillow guy.
[ Laughter ]
Well, guys, as you probably
heard, the Trump family
has been in a legal battle
with the president's niece
for weeks now over the release
of her tell-all book.
Let's see how that turned out.
-An explosive new tell-all
about the Trump family
hits shelves today.
On the eve of its release,
a judge lifted a gag order
on Mary Trump, allowing her to
speak freely about the book.
-Trump lost his lawsuit
against John Bolton
and his book became
a bestseller.
He lost his lawsuit
against his niece
and her book is on its way
to becoming a bestseller.
Mr. President, I'm personally
asking you,
please sue my new
children's book.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you.
Trump's niece actually wrote
a pretty interesting book.
Chapter 11 is all about
his family businesses.
[ Laughter ]
That's right. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you.
[ Rim shot ]
I owe you one.
I owe you one.
That's right, there's a new
tell-all book,
and there's a lot of
pretty big claims.
One of them is that Trump
regifted a basket of food
to his niece for Christmas.
Regifted.
And the caviar was missing.
Here to talk about it is the
one guy who changed his mind
on Trump because of this.
-Well, hey there, Jimmy.
-Thank you so much for being
here, sir.
So I hear that you've been
a die-hard Trump supporter
for years, and after this
gift basket thing,
you had a change of heart?
-Well, that's right.
Before, when I thought about
Trump, I was like, yes!
But now after this
gift basket thing,
I'm like, oh, unh-unh!
[ Light laughter ]
-Really? Really? This?
-I know a bombshell
when I hear one, Jimmy.
And Caviar Gate, I mean,
just slap me on the ass
and rewrite the history books.
Whoo!
I mean, party foul.
When it comes to gifts, baskets,
and fish eggs,
I want to be on
the right side of history.
-Well, now look, I got to say
I'm surprised that this
tipped it over for you.
What about the other stuff
Trump has been accused of,
Russian meddling
or ignoring coronavirus,
lying about crowd sizes,
tear-gassing protestors
for a photo op?
-That's really just the
president being the president,
but this caviar thing --
I mean, total monster,
it's almost like, I can't
believe I'm saying this,
it's like he doesn't care
about other people.
[ Light laughter ]
Either regift the whole basket
or don't regift it at all!
What has happened
to our country?
-Come on, now, what about
when he said that
Hillary should be locked up,
or bullied Greta Thunberg?
That didn't change your mind?
-He didn't do those things,
though.
-Yes, he did.
-But then he said he didn't,
so, you know, who's to say?
-All right, look.
So you've totally changed
your mind based on this,
based on a gift basket?
-Not completely.
We still have to hear
from the experts,
the basket manufacturer.
The fish.
Martha Stewart, probably.
-Yeah, I -- I don't think
that they --
-I mean, what does the
 sturgeon general think?
-No, no, no.
-Look, Jimmy, there's a legal
precedent for shading someone
by taking their fish eggs.
The Supreme Court ruled on it.
-In what case?
-Roe v Shade.
-Roe v Shade.
-Yeah, okay, that's enough.
The one guy who changed
his mind on Trump, everybody.
I guess Biden just got
another vote.
-Actually, I'm voting
for Kanye. Whoo!
-Please, please, please,
get it -- please.
[ Laughter ]
[ Sighs ]
Meanwhile, as the president
is dealing with his relatives,
the coronavirus rages on.
In response to a spike in cases,
California governor Gavin Newsom
has had to make some
tough decisions.
-This morning, as California
sees a surge
in coronavirus cases,
the nation's largest state
rolling back its reopening.
Governor Gavin Newsom ordering
the closure of in-door dining,
bars, movie theaters, and even
zoos across the state.
-There's actually a name
for staying home
and wearing a mask
in California.
It's called getting a nose job.
[ Laughter ]
-Ohh!
Oh, oh!
-[ Chuckling ] Oh!
-Ha, ha.
-Oh, yeah.
There. Me?
-Went there.
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
That's right.
Bars and zoos are also closed.
It's a real bummer if your
favorite activity
is to get drunk and then
go yell at some penguins.
[ Laughter ]
Can I --
Can I come back to --
[ Laughter ]
Can I come back to here?
New York has decided
to be extra careful,
but others are going in
a slightly different direction.
Check out what just reopened.
-Disney World's welcoming
guests back
at their Magic Kingdom
and Animal Kingdom parks.
-It's crazy. Right now
the boring part of Disney
is the roller coaster,
while the scariest part
is standing in line.
You know Disney's being reckless
because the character
greeting everyone at the front
gate is Sneezy.
I think -- Why --
[ Laughter ]
There's six other choices.
Yeah, the park is open,
but if you fail
the temperature check,
you get locked inside
"It's a Small World"
for two weeks.
And that can -- that can do
some serious D.
[ Laughter ]
But this --
I heard it somewhere,
you can say --
-No, you did not --
-Yeah, yeah.
I could do some serious D, man.
-No. No.
-Mess you up a little bit.
-No!
Mess you up a little bit.
-Stop it.
-Oh, this is nice.
[ Laughter ]
This is nice, though.
For $20, they will sell you
a picture of the exact moment
that you get the virus.
Isn't that cool?
Maybe I'm being too
tough, though.
Disney is doing
the best they can.
For instance, the two guys
inside the Pluto costume
are now facing
opposite ways.
[ Laughter ]
Disney World has decided
to reopen,
while other places are being
a little more cautious.
-KFC is reportedly
shutting dining rooms
at its company-owned restaurants
in Florida.
The company has also told
franchise owners to consider
doing the same in COVID-19
hot spots,
including Arizona, California,
Florida, and Texas.
-Yeah, KFC wants everyone
to stay healthy...
while they eat a bucket
of fried chicken
and big gulp of gravy.
KFC is actually a good choice
during the pandemic
because when you're done
with your meal,
you can turn your empty bucket
into a face shield.
[ Laughter ]
And it's not just KFC
that's taking precautions.
Today White Castle
announced...
[ Laughter ]
Dude, this is for real.
This is serious.
White Castle announced that it
plans to test a cooking robot
named Flippy.
[ Light laughter ]
-Wait, what?
-They invented a robot
named Flippy,
and in at least one
of its kitchens this fall
they're gonna unveil it.
This is real.
Take a look at Flippy.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
-That's --
-Dude, that is the last thing
you want to see
when you're stoned and going
to White Castle,
a robot arm wearing a shirt,
flipping burgers.
"What?!"
After one shift,
Flippy was like,
[ Robot voice ] "I should have
stayed in school.
My brother is an MRI machine."
[ Light laughter ]
And finally, everybody,
our country is still
in the middle of a pandemic.
And yesterday, Education
Secretary Betsy De Vos
defended the administration's
push
to reopen schools this fall.
Even though many parents
disagree,
some think it's possible
if kids wear masks.
It's a complicated situation,
so we have PTA president
and mom of four, Deb Brown
here to help break it down.
Deb?
-Oh, hi, hi, Jimmy,
you actually caught us
during a brief park break.
-That's great.
Well, why don't you tell us
little bit about why
you think kids should go back
to school?
-Hmm. Well, Jimmy,
it's simple --
masks work for us, and they'll
work for our kids.
I mean, they really --
Hey, kiddos.
Masks on, okay?
What did we talk about? Hmm?
We just really really need
to teach them
that it's our new normal.
-But don't you think that
it will be difficult
for teachers to navigate on top
of everything else?
-I mean, 7th grade algebra is
hard to navigate, Jimmy.
This is something teachers --
Honey, it goes around your nose
and your mouth,
not your nose and your eyes.
You don't breathe
with your eyes.
Use your brain, think.
-Oh, my God.
-That teachers won't
have to worry about
because it will be natural.
-Yeah, but some people think
it might be distracting.
-Distracting?
Jimmy, we've got cellphones,
iPads, SMART Boards.
Johnny, if you snap his elastic
one more time, no TV,
and I swear to God,
this time I will do it.
It won't be any more
distracting.
-SMART Boards.
But you don't think we're making
a hard situation
even more difficult?
-I mean, I think it's already
hard for all of us.
And how are they both wet?
How are the brand new masks
I just gave you both
absolutely
sopping wet, huh?
I mean, we all have to be
flexible.
-Do you think it's something
kids will even be able to do?
-Jimmy.
Jimmy, our kids can do anything.
You can't paint it!
Well, if you paint it,
then you can't breathe!
That defeats the purpose
of the mask!
Give me the -- Come on,
give me the paint brush.
No, do not put the paint brush
in your mouth.
You take it out.
No, stop painting your brother!
Do not paint him!
Do not paint him!
-Wow. Wow.
-[ Clears throat ]
Our kids can do anything
they put their minds to.
-Okay, sure. But...
-Hey, get the --
[ Laughter ]
...way too fast!
-Okay, hey --
-If Jason puts the bugs
in his own mask --
-Okay. Sorry --
-...then stop!
-Is this a bad time?
If this is a bad time --
-Stop feeding the bugs
to your brother, Johnny.
-Okay --
PTA president Deb Brown,
everybody.
We have a great show
for you tonight.
