Hey guys, I'm Christine and welcome back
to my channel. Today we're gonna talk
about something that's a bit difficult
for me to talk about. A few years ago, I
became a Domestic Violence Survivor and
especially during COVID-19, I've been
thinking a lot about my fellow survivors.
Today I have Connie Chung Joe joining
me.
She is from Korean American Family
Services or KFAM. Hi Connie, thanks so
much for joining me today.
Hi. So Connie and I used to work together
a few years ago, and we actually helped
multiple agencies and organizations to
become more culturally sensitive when
helping victims of crime. How have
you been? How have things changed
especially in light of everything going
on right now?
When COVID hit, you know we work
specifically with the Korean immigrant
community, well we started to see a
couple of things. One is we
start to see some hate crimes and
discrimination happening within our
community. And then what we also saw is
that for Domestic Violence Survivors,
they started to have a lot of issues.
Our clients, a lot of them, started losing
their jobs right away. You know the
survivors we work with are predominantly
Korean immigrant women, and a lot of them
come here on a marriage visa or the
promise of a green card from a husband. A
lot of them are undocumented, they're
here with no family or social support,
and they're just here with their husband
and maybe their husband's family or
church or their social support.
And the clients who have been able to
gain some independence and start working,
as soon as COVID hit they lost their
jobs and they had really no income
source and so they were really
financially struggling and we've had
clients who quite literally could not
put together enough money to go to the
grocery store to buy food and formula
for their babies. And in some cases, the
stress of being under such a financial
burden
has caused some of them to think maybe I
should return to my abuser, because I
think when you have the choice of having
to live in violence with your intimate
partner or being on the street and
homeless with your child and no way to
feed or house that child that's been the
choice they feel would be less bad.
And then for the clients who
are still living with their accusers,
what we found was an escalation of
violence both in terms of frequency and
really in terms of intensity. So
immediately when the lockdown happened,
we have a 24-hour crisis hotline and
those calls doubled in the first two
weeks. When you put what's already a
volatile relationship and putting those
two people together in very close
quarters 24/7 and they're going through
emotional and financial stress, you know
it's just like it's like shaking a soda
bottle. It just explodes, and so we saw
with that they were in a lot more
violent situations but they have nowhere
to go, they can't get out and even
talking to us and asking for support is
challenging. We closed our doors, so we've
been providing services remotely and by
phone, but remote services are really
tough when you're trying to provide it
to a victim of domestic violence who
lives in a tiny apartment in Koreatown
with her abuser in the same room or the
room next door. Trying to provide that
kind of support is very difficult, so
it's been definitely a huge challenge.
And what we've really been trying to
focus on is stay connected to our
clients and really focusing on providing
that financial support, that seems to be
what our clients need the most. You've
been getting some help, some COVID relief
for example from the Council for Korean
Americans, I saw a post that they donated
$25,000. I also saw you were getting a
lot of face
masks. Community members and groups
stepping up to provide anything that
they can during this time, how does that
help you? That's sort of the silver
lining is that when hardship and
challenges happen like this, you also see
the best in people come out. So the
community has come out so generously and
try to help. As soon as we went on
lockdown,
I sent a email blast and a Facebook post
and we said our clients need support. We
need to provide them with gift cards so
they can buy groceries and diapers,
formulas and just basic living needs. And
we raised $70,000 in a matter of two
weeks, people just poured their money in.
Those who can give I think feel such a
blessing that they can that they were
willing to support. And we've gotten
grants from you know women's foundation,
all sorts of corporations as
well as a lot of individual donors and
community members giving hundred dollars,
five hundred dollars,
whatever they can. And so that's been a
real lifeline. We have right now I think
about 35 Korean Domestic Violence
Survivors who we have been providing
monthly financial support to since March
just so they can feed themselves, clothe
themselves, just survive. And it is really
because of the generosity of the
community that we've been able to do
that for them. It's wonderful to hear, and
you've been working for
this cause for years, and has there
been a time like this, ever been like
this? I mean, we've never had a situation
so dramatic and so challenging. But you
know what's interesting is despite how
radically different this is, what it has
shown me is that the underlying needs of
our clients have not really changed. We
always talk about how for survivors to
have the independence they need in their
lives
and to live in a violent free life, they
really need economic support. They need
to be able to stand on their own two
feet financially. You know the statistics
show that more than half of all homeless
women are survivors of domestic violence
and sexual assault. And what we know is
that women and other victims return to
their abusers when they feel desperate
but they have no other ways of making
money, or they have no other support
system with them. So what this pandemic
has shown me is that really what
survivors need more than just the
initial crisis support, like the shelter,
the emergency shelter and the emergency
needs. But to have no long-term
independence, they need jobs, they need
workforce development, they need housing
support so they can be independent. You
said you had to shut down some of your
services, physical services, so I'm
sure that's also been an obstacle and
providing part of that, right? Yeah, you
know we had to shift all of our
in-person counseling, case navigation
services remotely. And so we started
doing everything online and by phone.
What we found was online worked for some
clients but again because that close
proximity and your partner's right next to you,
sometimes phone worked out better
because it provided a little more
privacy. And then what we've also been
doing is we are going to some of our
clients' homes in order to deliver
groceries or other supplies. So
especially clients who have maybe a
physical disability or they have young
children or an elderly parent and they
couldn't leave to go to a grocery store,
we were going and buying the groceries
and delivering it to them. Wow that's
great to hear. I wonder if
that's something that the community can
do that doesn't cost too much money for
them. I know our church has been
doing
food drives or grocery drives to just
provide something that is like
day-to-day survival help. Is
that something that you're also kind of
asking the community for then in terms
of helping survivors in small
ways? I mean we get donations of
different packages from places like
Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital from
some youth groups and some churches and
inside will be maybe packets of you know
PPE
with masks and hand sanitizer and things
like that. Or we had some packages for
mothers that had formula diapers and
we've delivered over a hundred of those
kinds of care packages that have been
donated to us and we were able to pass
it through our clients. So we can always
do things like that whether it has food,
other kind of basic toiletries,
sometimes they've had gift cards and
then PPE. It's all wonderful, and our
clients really appreciate it so much.
How much of the Korean community is
affected by domestic violence? Do you
have the latest numbers? You know, it's
hard to get specific numbers just for
the Korean community because often the
data isn't broken down quite that way.
We just know in general Koreans do have
disproportionately high rates of
domestic violence. I think part of that
has to do with, we have a very
patriarchal society that Korean culture
comes from. We have high rates of alcohol
abuse in our community, and there's a
correlation between alcohol and domestic
violence. We have a lot of acculturation
stress being immigrants. So there are a
variety of reasons that we know causes
domestic violence to be higher in our
community than have been in some other
communities. But we also know that it
tends to be more hidden, because ours is
a culture that says you don't air your
family laundry out in the public because
that would cause shame to your family.
And there's a lot of victim-blaming
so
you know, if you're being abused you just
kind of accept that and maybe that is
just God's Way as a Christian or it
could be that this is what you as a wife
are supposed to do for your husband. There
are sometimes a sort of I think
old-fashioned values that have made it
hard for victims to come forward in our
community and keeps reporting quite low.
When I think about what's happening
right now with Korean DV survivors in
particular, I think about the fact that
there's really no safe place. I mean, if
you are at home with your abuser you are
in danger from your partner, but if you
go out in public right now being Asian
is not a terribly safe place in public
either when you hear cases of hate
crimes and discrimination. And we had one
women call our DV hotline and tell us
that her landlord threatened to evict
her and her child because he didn't want
her spreading COVID in the building. So
it really is kind of this double threat
where there's no safe place right now
for our victims and our survivors. One
thing that I've been thinking a lot
about under COVID is how far our
domestic violence survivors who are
Korean usually immigrant women, it is
such a delicate, it's almost like a house
of cards that you develop to try to gain
your freedom. You come from a situation
where you're being abused, but you're
isolated. You don't have any family in
this country or any friends. You don't
know anyone else. You don't speak the
language. You don't understand the
culture. You might have never worked a
job in the U.S. and you can't speak
English well enough to get a job anyways.
You have no rental history
because you never rented a place in the
U.S. before.
So when you go and you take those first
steps to becoming independent and
freeing yourself of that life with your
abuser, it's extremely challenging. I mean
there are all of those barriers you need
to overcome. We have a client who started
to get her own job and then she started
saving a little bit of money and she got
to the point where she was able to rent
her own apartment
starting in January. And so she and her
child moved to that apartment and she
was working and she was saving and she
was building up her life. And then when
COVID hit in early March, she lost her
job and rent was due before the eviction
moratorium happened in LA and she had to
pay the next month's rent. And so she
used up her entire life savings to pay
that one month's rent. And then she was
left without enough money to pay for
food or to pay for her child's supplies
and her necessities. And so what COVID
has really shown me is that it is such
a a delicate scaffolding that our
clients have, that they built little by
little in order to get independent. And I
think when people say you know, I don't
understand why she doesn't just leave,
why would she stay in that
environment? Especially for some of our
clients, you know, it is so hard to get
through each one of those challenges and
barriers to make yourself a life that is
independent and free. And what's happened
with COVID is this one thing can just
wipe it all out. And so really we ask
that it's not just about getting the
person to a motel or hotel to have them
safe that night or for 60 days or in a
shelter, but what we need to think about is
how can we invest in our survivors and
provide them with that long-term support
so that way a setback like this doesn't
put them all the way back.
Because it was so hard to get
as far as they are now and they just
need a little bit more support every
time and it's a long and arduous journey.
But when the general community
understands how difficult it is and
how long the journey is and can be
patient and understanding and supportive
through that long term process, not just
that immediate moment when the person
looks like they're in a crisis situation
but that long-term investment is
really so necessary. That's part of
why I reached out to you yesterday
was because I wanted to try to do
something to help people during that
that process, after the immediate danger
zone is over, and you're trying to
continue surviving. And even as a person
who is bilingual, and I spoke English.
But I still to this day, I have a really
hard time sometimes dealing with this
this aftermath of what happened. And it's
it's like you said, there's many
layers to this and a lot of it is
emotional. And so I can't understand
the person that you're
talking about fully either because
they're they're monolingual oftentimes
and and they have different you know
situations that you know put them at an
even more of a disadvantage. And so how
many people like that are there at KFAM that you come across and help? How
many people do you serve on an
annual basis? Last year we served 175
Domestic Violence Survivors, all of them
were Korean and about 95% were limited
English-speaking and on top of that we
had another 250 people call our domestic
violence hotline for immediate crisis
support although they didn't end up
coming back to the office. And so you
know, there's there's a lot of people. I
think there's quite a lot of need and
what is gonna come out of this is if
anything, even a higher number. And I
think it's also important to note that
the numbers you just mentioned that's
not the number of people that are in
domestic violence situations, right? I
mean just how many Korean Americans are
there in this region? It's like the
largest outside of Korea, right?
L.A. County has the largest and then if
you include it with Orange County I mean
it is a very large number of
Korean-Americans here and yeah, we only
see the tip of the iceberg. There are so
many unreported cases out there that we
just know people are just living with it
and struggling with it. Yeah, and can you
tell me about your staff? How have you
guys been affected during COVID-19? You
know we've been lucky, we got the PPP
loan and with our grants we
didn't have to furlough or lay anyone
off which is really great. But you know
for this job, I'm
concerned about them just taking care of
themselves and really practicing
self-care, because it's not an easy job.
You know when I talk about the
clients, it it makes me it's emotional for
me and I am you know three steps removed.
Our staff are the ones who directly
interact with the clients, and the
clients are telling them their anguish
and their fears and their anxiety
so it's been really hard on them. But you
know our staff are amazing, they are so
supportive of the clients they are
often the rock that keeps our
clients going and so I couldn't be more
proud of what they're doing. I think one
of the highlights of that period and
time when I had the privilege of working
with you and with Sunhee were just
seeing your hearts for the cause. We need more people
like you to be able to have that genuine
heart to want to spend their life really
for this mission, so I appreciate you and
Sunhee and the rest of your team for
continuing to do what you do for
many years. You mentioned that
you get removed, you're getting removed
from this somewhat because you're the
Executive Director and yet you know if
you think about putting yourself into
your clients' shoes, I mean what makes you
the most emotional when you're thinking
about what they're going through during
this time? I think about some of our
clients who seem to be in such despair,
you know that that can be so hard
knowing that they have young mouths to
feed.
They're gonna come out of this and the
economy is gonna come back, but they're
not gonna get jobs anytime soon. They're
the last ones who are going to be able
to find that, and I worry you know what,
we can't support them forever oh and how
are they going to get by. So you know
that makes me emotional in kind of
a sad way when I think about that. But
there are other times when I also get
emotional in a more positive way. We had
a client and one of our advocates
delivered groceries to her and she was
just so relieved she just she stood
then she cried. And it makes me emotional
because I'm just so relieved that we are
there, that we could do that, that she
felt she had no one else in the world to
turn to that at least one of our
advocates provided them support.
That's a good
thing . Thanks for making me
cry. It's a beautiful mess though,
because I mean it just means that
we care, you know? We care about every
individual and you know, I
was so happy to see that that there are
individuals stepping up during this time,
and I think if anything that's the most
beautiful thing I've seen. I'm hoping
with each video with each story that I
share that one more person can decide to
do something positive to help that one
family that needs the groceries or to
you know to make the ten extra masks to
donate or whatever, right? So what is your
biggest hope during this time of doing
something positive to make a difference
when we need it most, especially in this
field? I think whenever I see any
acts of kindness,
it just gives me a hope. We
had one of our foster kids and his mom
they sewed their own masks, face masks and
they donated it to us so we could share
with our clients. These are not families
that have a lot of means, you know ,it's a
foster care but wanted to give back and
it was so meaningful. It was their
own little way they could do something.
we've had people donate you know ramen
a box of ramen which is fantastic.
Or whether it's an incredibly large
donation one of our donors
they just gave us seventy
thousand dollars and they said we want
this to go for the most vulnerable
client your domestic violence client,
you're undocumented clients. Make sure
they get this money so you know you're
seeing it think or small it's not so
much the amount it's what you can do and
and what you do with what you have and
even people who are struggling I see
folks who are still finding ways to get
back because they know that we still I
still have it better than others. And so
I want to share what I can and that's
been really lovely the generosity in our
community has been very lovely awesome
anything else you want to add or share I
think we went over all of the talking
points that I emailed over to you but I
know I want to open this time to allow
you to you know share anything and
everything that you had wanted to. I just
want to thank you for your time and for
doing this and thank you, you know it was
lovely when we worked together and you
were an advocate too. I mean you're
you're fighting the good fight I mean it
was that I know it's not the most
glamorous work when we do in domestic
violence but it was so important and
having your perspective as a survivor
and willingness to share that and share
your personal story and put yourself out
there like that was really powerful so.
Thank you thank you and I hope we have
more opportunities to work together.
That's why I reached out. I
think when I was there I had all the
right intentions, I just I stepped away
after I got married to try to try to
push the reset button on my life and try
to move on from it, and I felt like I did
all I could. But I'm a Domestic Violence
Survivor for life. It's not a chapter of
my life, it is ongoing, you know? It's
my identity and I and I'm learning how
to own it, you know to where I can
continue using that as a way to to
empower other people that are going on
the same road to, live successfully, to
have a happier tomorrow because they
left that situation.
So let's find ways to do more things
that could help our communities out and
to do something positive. I think that's
great,
it's great especially in our community.
Sometimes people feel like when the
unpleasantness is behind me I should
turn away from it and pretend like it
never happened and that's kind of a
Korean cultural thing and I think it's
really important to understand that this
is part of your identity and you
being able to do that hopefully that'll
be a role model for other people to do
the same. Thank you, I just feel guilty
that I've waited like you know too long
because it's been like I said it's been
like 2, 3 years since I talked to you and
I feel bad because in some ways I felt
like I stepped by step back. I turned my
back and I just kept walking because I
wanted that to be the end of that
chapter, but I think it's not. Girl, live your life! You're fine.
Well, thank you guys for watching. Please
like, subscribe and support on Patreon.
And I will see you again real soon. Bye.
