Hello and welcome to Pop-Up Books through the ages -
Episode One.
The Royal Family.
Let's get popping.
So here in this first evocative picture
we have a picnic at Balmoral.
Always the centre of fun, Prince Andrew
is dangling a tennis ball
laced with Rohypnol
in the hope of capturing a teenage girl
much to the amusement of a
sausage flipping Queen.
This picture shows the attention to detail
of the overall book.
You can see that it's a blazing hot day
and not a drop of sweat on Andrew's face
Very realistic.
To the right, we see a relaxed Princess Anne
getting blootered on voddy
and who can blame her?
In this glorious representation of the balcony
post-wedding
We can see Prince Phillip inadvertently giving
a Nazi salute
whilst the Queen Mother wafts away a rancid fart
from the posh little boy at the front.
The Bridesmaid on the left appears to be doing a
"Oh Matron!" gesture
Whilst the one on the right is clearly the best of us
as she hides Charles' massive erection
with a well place Union Jack.
The Queen doesn't seem to be doing anything,
which is the most realistic thing in the
picture to be honest.
We now move to an adventurous picture
of the couple on tour in Australia.
Charles is pointing out a desolate area where he currently
has Camilla stashed away
so he can visit her in the cover of night.
Just to make sure he's not caught
he has dressed her as
a kangaroo
This picture is called The Royal Crawlabout.
Apparently the photographers were warned
that the young Prince William may not perform.
But he actually amazed them,
by crawling about just like every other
baby that's ever existed.
Princess Diana, the Queen of Hearts,
is seen here poking her finger up William's bottom
whilst Charles dangles a small toy,
representing William's inheritance,
just out of reach.
and here we are with a picture
representing their visit to Canada.
All the participants look like they're taking part in a
particularly shit, Tik Tok video.
Diana can be seen nudge nudge wink winking
at the Canadian Mounties
And they, in reply,
are clearly using the internationally recognised
code for
"Yes, I will accept your offer of a threesome."
And finally here the book seems to
accept what was obvious for all to see,
and doesn't even bother showing the doomed couple.
But instead shows a glowing Queen,
smiling and laughing at the doors of the church,
on her way
to Diana's funeral.
