MATT: Welcome, everyone, to today's special
edition of Critical Role, where a number of us are
going to be playing a fantastic game in the realm
of Mordor, thanks to our fantastic sponsor for
this event, WB Games! We're putting this together
in celebration of the release of their upcoming
game, Shadow of War, for Xbox and Playstation,
which all of us have worked on, actually, for an
extended period of time. Let's see. Well, first
off, Travis, who'd you play in the game?
TRAVIS: I played Commanding Orc #1, 
and I scream like this and I will be
chasing you as you try and make your way through
the lands, and I escalate my ambitions through the
war ranks! I just made that up.
MATT: So kill him immediately. Laura, who'd you
play in the game?
LAURA: I don't play an orc.
MATT: No. Who do you play?
LAURA: I play Eltariel, also known as the Blade of
Galadriel.
TRAVIS: She's super bad.
LAURA: I'm a super cool and I have, like, daggers,
and I can kick a lot of butt.
MATT: That's a great little view of the character,
there.
LAURA: Thanks.
TRAVIS: Just like a normal elf.
LAURA: That's exactly how I recorded it.
MATT: Perfect. Sam, what'd you do?
SAM: I played a character named Orc 4, who, among
other things, hates humans. Enjoys grog. And is dumb.
LAURA: How does he feel about elves?
SAM: Oh, I think he hates them? I think he hates
most things.
TRAVIS: Not a very affable--
SAM: No, he just hates. He's a hater. Really, they
should spend more of the game talking about his
wants and needs, and his ambitions and likes in
life, but no.
TRAVIS: Does he hate the player, or does he hate
the game?
SAM: He hates both. Just hates a lot of stuff.
MATT: That's perfect. Well, thank you, Sam. Mr.
Darin De Paul?
DARIN: Hi, internet friends!
MATT: Hi! What'd you play in the game?
DARIN: I am a massive olog, but he became-- one of
them became kind of notorious. Az-Laar the
Demolisher. There were, like, "RIP Az-Laar." There
were tribute videos to Az-Laar. People played sad
music when Az-Laar died. It was amazing. (deep
gruff voice) A big dumb thing, but he died from
flames! (normal voice) And people were very upset,
so they were playing tinkling music and going,
"Rest in Peace, Az-Laar! We hardly knew you."
LAURA: That was in the previous--?
DARIN: No, in this one. I was not in the previous.
I wasn't here yet. I had not come to California
yet. I was still in New York going, 
I really hope I get to do stuff like that!
It's really fun!
TRAVIS: You hear Darin and you're like, he was
definitely an orc forever.
LAURA: Yeah.
DARIN: It's only been, it's a little over four
years that I have been among the people that I
admire most. It makes my heart so happy.
SAM: Feels like too long.
DARIN: Thank you! And we haven't even started the
episode.
MATT: Perfect. But glad you could join us, Darin.
I play a professional orc
who's going to follow you around
everywhere, trying make sure that you're working
it out. Where are you going, there? I'm going to
cut your throat, bastard! And I
also get to play-- I'm really excited about this,
as a longtime Tolkien fan-- the Witch-king of
Angmar, head of the Nazgűl. As a person that grew
up reading Tolkien fervently and spending two and
a half years playing a MUD based on Tolkien, and
then, you know, the movies and everything-- huge
honor to be a part of this, let alone such an
iconic character. So, super excited. Super excited
for this game, and those of you who haven't played
the first game, Shadow of Mordor, what's wrong
with you? It's legitimately a really fun game and
this one expands even more on how awesome that
was, so super excited. Thank you so much to WB
Games for making this possible. You guys can check
it out, Shadow of War releases October 10th, which
is right around the corner when this is airing,
which is exciting. You can find it at
shadowofwar.com/purchase to go ahead and find out
how to buy and pre-order it if you want to. Also,
a mobile game should be out by now. Shadow of War
has a mobile game for both iOS and Android that
you can get as well, so check that out. But yeah,
this whole game is a big celebration of the
upcoming release of Shadow of War. We're stoked to
be in it, and we're stoked to have you here.
Without further ado, guys, let's go ahead and dive
into the world of Mordor, shall we? Actually,
before we begin, because we haven't actually
established here, do you guys want to talk about
who you're playing in this game?
TRAVIS: Oh gosh, I guess we should, being that we
don't even know. We're figuring it out as we go.
Should I start?
LAURA: Yeah, sure!
TRAVIS: (high squeaky voice) So I'm playing: I am
Skak Scar-Artist, and I'm a goblin. A trickster.
Very creepy! Yeah. I'm a little goblin that's got
a crossbow and a shortsword, and I'm here to run
amok and advance, you know, my efforts against
the horrible humans and elves of the land of
Mordor.
DARIN: This could be my favorite day ever.
MATT: I'm already so invested in everything. Thank
you, Travis. Laura?
LAURA: Oh. Hi, my name is
Arburuk. I'm the Unbreakable because people have
tried but nobody was able to actually break me.
I'm olog-hai, so I'm kind of big. But you know, I
don't necessarily want to be a fighter, I'm just
really good at it, you know? Because I'm
unbreakable and all. Yeah.
MATT: Thank you, Laura. Darin?
DARIN: There's two things you have to
know about me. My name is Mozuu the Chosen, and
that's it!
SAM: Nice.
LAURA: That was two things!
MATT: And Sam, who are you playing?
SAM: (raspy voice) Hello.
DARIN: You all right, mate?
SAM: (rasping) Hello.
DARIN: We got that part.
SAM: My name is Ur-Eden Goodthink, and I'm the
olog you want to see if you're hurt. Because me is
a sawbones.
LAURA: You're an olog, too?
SAM: I'm an olog, so I'm rather big. But I'm also
a sawbones, which means if you have a toothache
or something, you come to me, I pull the tooth
right out. Probably half of your jaw, too. If you
got a broken bone, I pull the arm off. If you got
a rash, I pull your skin off. So really, I take
care of all your medical needs. Somebody came to
me with-- they were having some stress dreams. I
ripped their head off. Solved the problem right
away!
TRAVIS: Great outpatient.
SAM: Yeah. Usually most things can be solved
without insurance. But yeah, I'm here to help
anyone who gets injured, and also to kill some
man-filth.
MATT: Perfect. So. Players and audience, welcome
to Mordor. Chosen as the base to Sauron's foothold
in the Second Age, these broken, ashen lands to
the southeast of Middle-earth lay guarded by
towering mountain ranges, ever dark beneath
stormclouds and volcanic smoke spewed from within
the fiery depths of Orodruin, or Mount Doom. Here
in the Third Age, the once-thought-destroyed Dark
Lord regains his strength, grows his armies, and
prepares for his vengeance on the world of man and elves.
You, friends, are soldiers and warriors under this
shadowed banner. Whether Uruk- or Olog-hai, you've
been raised and trained in the savage pits and
fields of these lands, given purpose amongst the
ranks of Sauron's great army, taught to slaughter,
to devour, to outsmart and destroy all who would
oppose his will, or be punished for your
insolence. You relish the thought of sinking your
blades into elf-flesh, eager for the chance to
prove yourself and rise among your fellow uruk to
command greater power-- and the rewards that come
with it, of course. However, such a path is not as
easy as the daydream would lead you to believe.
Now, you four have spent months stationed on the
outskirts of the watch-fortress of Nargaroth, on
the eastern edge of the massive Plateau of
Gorgoroth, many miles southeast of Mount Doom. As
part of the Marauder tribe, you've been sent on a
few raids here and there, between here and the Sea
of Nurnen, scrounging up what meager spoils are
left when the bulk is brought to the feet of your
war-chief, Barfta the Blood Pike. While you both
dislike and respect his greed, you've seen him
carve every challenger to his position to pieces
as a show of power. You hope to show him your
worth and achieve greatness under his specific
banner. At least, that would help you with your
limited access to quality meats or being sent out
on aimless patrols that try your patience. Maybe
one day.
For now, you sit amongst the rowdy riff-raff of
the common tables in the fort courtyard, drinking
from watered-down grog as you all celebrate a
fairly unimpressive crushing of a not-too-far-away
ghul mound. You four have bonded out of a need for
allies, for boredom here leads to violence, and
it's good to have friends when the brawls begin.
The late afternoon sees fading off what specter of
sunlight ever finds itself in Mordor, and the
smell of burnt meats and blood fills the air.
Welcome.
You hear the clanking of glasses and partially
cracked mugs nearby. The cheers and rowdy screams
and yells of various half-drunken uruk in your
vicinity, (shouting). You see two guys in the back
far corner that are in the middle of a fist-fight
with a small crowd gathering, but it's too measly
for your attention. You all sit here, staring into
your cups, contemplating your existence.
TRAVIS: (high-pitched whining)
LAURA: What's the matter, Skak?
TRAVIS: I'm just bored, that's all.
SAM: Do you want to go with me to kill something?
Would that break your boredom?
TRAVIS: Is that an option? We could do that, now?
SAM: Well, those two fellows having the fist
fight, we could go kill one of them.
TRAVIS: Ooh!
SAM: I think it's Rarr versus Oog, over there.
TRAVIS: Naw, I think it's Oog, and it's actually
Oop-tha.
SAM: You could be right.
TRAVIS: Yeah, you get them easily confused.
LAURA: They look a lot alike.
SAM: Yeah, they do. All the uruks do.
DARIN: Is that what you really want? You just want
to fight and bleed for nothing, or do we want
gold? Ain't that what we're after?
LAURA: I like gold!
DARIN: Of course you like gold. We all like gold!
And I say we find it. While they're fighting and
they're dying for nothing, we make our way up and
we rule this world, eh?
LAURA: But I thought Barfta ruled this world.
DARIN: There's two things you have to know about
Barfta. One, he thinks he rules! And that's it.
TRAVIS: He keeps doing this, with the two things.
DARIN: What?
TRAVIS: Nothing. You're always-- I'm a fan of gold
as well.
DARIN: Well said, my friend. You see this gold
helmet that I stole?
LAURA: Is that gold?
DARIN: Of course it's gold! Don't mind the
man-filth head on the pike on the helmet, ha!
That's ornamentation. But you know what you
aren't? You aren't the head of man-filth on my
helmet. You're alive. And while we're alive, we
make a difference. Eh?
TRAVIS: Yeah, that's true.
MATT: It's that exact moment that a heavy nudge
slaps into the back of Mozuu. You watch a
familiar, lanky, nasty-looking uruk with large,
broken teeth and a wiry physicality slamming into
him, his large cup of thick, brackish grog
spilling over and across your shoulder as he spins
around to stare down at you, Mozuu. You recognize
this as Hoshgrish Bootlick.
SAM: Hoshgrish?
MATT: Hoshgrish Bootlick. He turns around. "What
you doing, bumping my drink, lob?"
LAURA: It's Hoshgrish. He's such a bully.
DARIN: Come here. Come closer, Hoshgrish.
MATT: "Oh, I'm doing just fine right here! Will
you go ahead and refill my drink!" And he puts his
cup right on the table in front of you.
DARIN: Skak! Refill his drink while I have a
little word with Hoshgrish.
TRAVIS: Not a problem. Could I have, could you
hand me--? It's really high up there, right.
DARIN: You're ruining the moment, Skak!
TRAVIS: Okay! I've got it!
DARIN: What's your problem, mate? We're just sitting
here having a little discussion. You wander up
drunkenly, you bump into me! At least you didn't
get wine on the helmet. And now you're looking for
trouble? Is that what you're looking for,
Hoshgrish Bootlick?
MATT: As he wipes the bit of spittle from the
bottom of his pointed, jagged chin, he looks down
at you with a sly grin, his overbite curling back
as it exposes with the smile. "Heh heh! You
"obviously haven't seen the last one who bumped
into me when I was drinking! So you want to start
"a problem? Please, be my guest." He takes a few
steps back and you watch as his hands go down to
pull two jagged, black blades from the side. He
spins and tosses them in the air and catches them.
LAURA: Hey. You mess with Mozuu, you mess with
me.
MATT: "Well look here, I don't have any sort of a
problem with you, friend olog, but you understand.
"I've had my drink disrespected and I'll take a
head for that!"
LAURA: Oh. Oh! Oh, well, he was, his drink was
disrespected, that's all it is.
MATT: "Thank you."
DARIN: Skak, you got that drink for him yet?
TRAVIS: Was I supposed to do that?
DARIN: Yes.
TRAVIS: Yeah, hold on one more second.
DARIN: We'll refill your drink, friend, but know,
they call me Mozuu the Chosen because Sauron spoke
to me. You know what he said? "The strong take
what they want."
MATT: "The Dark Lord spoke to you?"
DARIN: Aye, he did. That's--
MATT: "What a load of serak!" He puts his blades
back in, like now disinterested, completely shut
off from the conversation. "Give me my drink."
TRAVIS: Yeah, here you go.
MATT: "Thank you. 'Mozuu the Chosen.'" Turns
around and starts walking away.
SAM: Is that true? Did Sauron really talk to you?
DARIN: Of course it's true. Everything I say is
true, except the things that ain't, but that is true.
SAM: Because sometimes I hear voices, but then I
turn around and it's just an orc talking to me
that I didn't see.
LAURA: Sometimes I'm talking to you, sometimes
but--
SAM: Yeah, but I didn't see you.
LAURA: Yeah. Sometimes. Because your helmet blocks
the view, you know.
SAM: Yeah, that's the problem with these things.
DARIN: We all hear voices when people are talking
in our general vicinity, but this was in my head.
This was in my head, I heard it.
LAURA: What's he sound like?
DARIN: Well, scary. Large. And he sounds like
Sauron. He sounds like a Dark Lord. He sounds like
someone who should be obeyed.
SAM: You know what he sounds like to me?
DARIN: What?
SAM: A medical condition. I should probably get my
axe, chop up your head, and see what's in there
making that noise.
LAURA: Maybe just the top of it.
DARIN: Wait. There's two things you should do with
that axe. One, put it away. And that's it.
SAM: All right.
LAURA: He's so good at math.
MATT: As this conversation's taking place, you
hear this massive, echoing explosion right over
your shoulders as you see a flash of light and
heat brighten the courtyard around you. Everyone
in the vicinity looks up past. You can see one of
the three large towers that sits in the courtyard
of this fortress. The tower of Warchief Barfta is
currently in flames, his chamber being burned as
the thatch and mud that comprises its exterior are
beginning to burn. You can see now everyone's
mobilizing around you, grabbing weapons as a
series of arrows come arcing in from over one of
the walls. Three or four nearby uruk go (dying
sounds) and fall to the ground, dead immediately.
LAURA: I take a helmet off one and put it in my
bag.
MATT: All right, what are you guys doing?
TRAVIS: I take out a crossbow, do I see any
intruders?
MATT: Perception check, please.
LAURA: Isn't that where Barfta lives up there?
SAM: Yes.
LAURA: And it's on fire?
TRAVIS: 12!
MATT: 12, okay! You glance around rapidly and you
see people running back and forth and you can see
guards along the wall, but the guards are firing
inward. You see three or four uruk up on the edge
of the perimeter wall that are currently loading
up their crossbows or shortbows and are ready to
fire another volley into the crowd currently
drinking.
TRAVIS: I don't understand! Those are uruk! Why
are they firing at us?
LAURA: Because they need to die!
SAM: Let's go get them!
TRAVIS: Yeah!
SAM: Let's go! I pick up my quarterstaff and start
stomping towards the tower.
LAURA: Ditto with my maul.
MATT: All righty. You follow as well?
DARIN: I follow, behind them.
SAM: That's where good leaders go.
DARIN: Yes!
MATT: So as Mozuu's picking up the rear you can
see other goblins and uruk rushing past. You see
another volley get loosed towards it. I need all
of you to make dexterity saving throws, please.
LAURA: Oh no!
TRAVIS: Oh, shit!
LAURA: What did you get?
TRAVIS: One.
SAM: I also got a one.
LAURA: Oh no!
MATT: Off to a great start!
DARIN: Ten!
MATT: Ten, all right!
LAURA: 14.
MATT: All right. Both Mozuu and Arburuk manage
to--
LAURA: You can call me Arby.
MATT: Arby. Mozuu and Arby, rushing forward, you
manage to get behind Arby as the heavy plates of
armor that surround your large, troll-like form,
the arrows smash against. You two not so lucky.
You both suffer six points of piercing damage as a
series of bolts or arrows stick into your chest
and shoulders. You flex and tear them off as you
rush forward towards the side of the tower before
you now, the smoke billowing off the top of the
inferno.
LAURA: I step in front of Skak here to try to
block him from any more arrows coming. I'm a
defender, you know.
SAM: I could have used my Deflect Missiles! I'll
do that next time!
TRAVIS: You need to be on your game! Come on!
MATT: All right! So as you guys are rushing
forward now, the crowd swarming up behind you, you
glance over to the right and you can see pouring
out of the back side of this tower, three very
brutish-looking uruk with bulging muscles. They
have dark helmets on and this faint glow in their
eyes as they charge in and start cleaving into
nearby allies of yours that were drinking not a
moment ago.
TRAVIS: Am I far enough away to pick one off with
my crossbow?
MATT: Go for it! Make an attack.
TRAVIS: Okay! Crossbow, 1d8.
LAURA: I know what those are! This is cool, Matt!
TRAVIS: Oh, that's good! That is 11.
MATT: 11.
TRAVIS: No, no, no! 16.
LAURA: That's not close at all!
TRAVIS: I know, it's way off.
MATT: I'll consider that in character.
TRAVIS: Thank you.
MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.
TRAVIS: Yes! d8. That's a 15.
MATT: 15 damage?
TRAVIS: Well, 1d8 plus four. So nope, that's
wrong. That's a six. Six damage.
MATT: It is currently in a scuffle with somebody,
so I'll let you get sneak attack damage if you
want to.
LAURA: Whoa, you're a roguey rogue!
TRAVIS: 3d6?
MATT: 3d6, yeah.
TRAVIS: Holy smokes!
LAURA: He gets 3d6?
TRAVIS: Five, six, ten. 11 total. Sneak attack.
MATT: All right, so on top of the six, 17. So you
watch as this one orc grunt, rushing forward,
takes its battleaxe and jams it right into the
clavicle of one of the nearby Uruk. Its weapon
falls out of its hand. As it looks up, towards
you, with a flash in its eyes, (gurgle), the bolt
goes straight into its throat. (gurgle) It begins
to bleed out its black dark ichor, before it falls
to the ground, not moving.
TRAVIS: Got one!
LAURA: Nice going, Skak! I run forward and try to
do the same thing to another one.
MATT: Okay. I will actually ask you three, since
he got the jump on him, two other existing ones
are now charging towards you, to roll initiative
real fast.
SAM: 21.
LAURA: Oh shit. 18.
DARIN: What do I add to my roll? 12.
MATT: All righty. So we have Ur-Eden, we have
Arby.
SAM: You can call me Eden.
DARIN: You can call me Mozuu the Chosen.
MATT: There we go.
TRAVIS: There's only two things you need to call me.
DARIN: Mozuu the Chosen, and that's it. Will this
be a theme? Yes it will.
MATT: So Ur-Eden, you're up first. There are two
of these grunts that are rushing forward, both
dual-handing battleaxes, and they're charging in.
(guttural shout)
SAM: All right, I'll pick up my quarterstaff with
two hands, and I will hit one of them.
MATT: Go for it!
SAM: (laughs) The one on the left. Hiyah! Ooh, not
good. 11!
MATT: 11. Nope! You swing, and it ducks low, and
it's going to come up with an upward strike. Do
you have another attack?
SAM: I have a second attack.
MATT: All right, attack again.
SAM: Ooh, this one is better! 26!
MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.
SAM: All right. 1d8 plus four. I don't know how to
do this. Okay, that's eight points of damage. But!
Let's do other things, too. I'm going to use my
Stunning Strike, right?
MATT: All right, so you spend a ki point to stun
him.
SAM: I'm going to use a ki point. Yes. 14.
MATT: 14, no, he gets an 11. So he is stunned.
Describe the Stunning Strike for me.
SAM: Okay. The Stunning Strike. So when I hit him,
I, knowing my medical knowledge that I have so
well, I aim for the one place that I know hurts
the most: the wang.
DARIN: Would you like to act it out?
SAM: On you.
DARIN: Oh no, wait! I'm wearing a suit.
SAM: So I jab him right between the legs.
MATT: What's the uruk term for that, by the way?
SAM: Oh, right in the gronk.
MATT: There we go.
SAM: Right in the gronk. Sharply hit. Nice and
low. Gronk hit!
MATT: It barely manages to maintain grip on the
battleaxe, but right now is doubled over, knees
knocked inward, in a bad place. Currently not able
to sustain any sort of combat motive.
SAM: Take that, you glob!
MATT: (groans) There's no words. That ends your
turn?
SAM: I believe so. Oh, wait, a bonus. I don't know
how this guy works.
LAURA: Does he stay stunned for a turn?
MATT: You get a free bonus action strike if you
want to, with your fist.
SAM: Bonus action strike?
MATT: Yeah.
SAM: You can do that?
MATT: Yeah.
SAM: All right, great. I will. If I hit a stunned
person, does he become unstunned? No.
MATT: Sorry, that's the Flurry of Blows with your
Ki point, if you wanted to spend another one.
SAM: Oh, no, I'm good. I'm done.
LAURA: But if you hit a guy that's stunned, does
he become unstunned?
MATT: No. But attacks against him have advantage.
LAURA: Tight.
MATT: All right. So next up is Arby. Arby, what are
you going to do?
LAURA: I'm going to run up and hit the guy that he
hit between the legs with my maul.
MATT: So as he's like (groans).
LAURA: I hit him like a batter.
MATT: The eyes glance up to meet yours, just as you go
for the giant golf swing.
LAURA: That's a 15 to hit.
MATT: You have advantage on this strike, don't
forget.
LAURA: Because he's stunned.
MATT: Yep.
LAURA: That's a 19 to hit. No, that's wrong, that
was a 17 to hit.
MATT: (laughs) That's okay.
LAURA: Does it still hit?
MATT: Yes.
LAURA: Yeah! Okay, let's see.
MATT: Actually, sorry, with the staff, you still
can do a bonus action strike if you want to.
SAM: Oh. That's crazy! I already took two hits.
MATT: Two hits, and bonus action you can get a
third. Or spend a Ki point and get a fourth as well.
SAM: Can I jab at the guy next to me? All right,
sorry, Laura, I'm interfering.
MATT: Damage?
LAURA: 12 on the first hit.
MATT: The guy who's stunned, you knock him a good
15 feet in the air with an arc. (shout) His
crumpled body lands on the large wooden spikes of
the wall that you see some of the archers are on above
and is stuck on there, impaled.
LAURA: That was artistic. Is there another guy?
SAM: Are you the scar artist?
TRAVIS: No, that's me! I'm the Scar-Artist!
LAURA: Do you have something else you have to do?
SAM: I was just jabbing the other guy.
MATT: What did you roll for that?
SAM: I rolled a 23.
MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage.
SAM: Another eight points.
MATT: All right. And then you.
LAURA: And there's another guy I can hit?
MATT: Same guy that he's attacking, so there's two
more that weren't destroyed.
LAURA: Oh no. That might not. 11.
MATT: Unfortunately, from hitting the first guy,
it's already telegraphed your next swing against the
other. He sidesteps it, passes by.
LAURA: It's because I wasn't looking at him. I was
looking at the beauty on the spike over there.
MATT: Indeed. He's going to rush up to you with
his battleaxe and make a strike towards you, who
destroyed his friend. That's going to be an 18.
LAURA: That is my armor class.
MATT: So it manages to hit you. You suffer 11
points of slashing damage.
LAURA: Oh no! I'm going to use my reaction to
reduce the damage.
MATT: You're using your Troll's Endurance?
LAURA: Yeah, but can I only do that once?
MATT: Once per short rest.
LAURA: Oh, really?
MATT: Yeah.
TRAVIS: You better pick the time you want to use
it.
LAURA: Okay, I'm not going to do that just yet.
MATT: Okay, you take 11 points of slashing damage as the
battleaxe comes down, slamming between two plates
of armor and embedding itself somewhere in your
torso. Mozuu, your turn.
DARIN: There's one or two left?
MATT: There's one left, who's been partially
wounded.
DARIN: I think I'd like to use Bane and hold him.
That will stop him in his tracks, will it?
MATT and DARIN: It may.
SAM: Such a thinker, this one.
DARIN: Because I shouted to him in a very powerful
way. I speak for Sauron.
MATT: What's the spell DC?
DARIN: The spell DC: 11.
MATT: Okay, no. Nine minus one, so that's an
eight. You can have up to three creatures of your
choice, if you want to. The range is 30 feet,
though, so it's pretty close. He's the only one
you can see. As you stare at him, he looks fearful
for a moment and you can see the hand shaking.
What's going to happen is you get to subtract 1d4 from
any of his rolls.
LAURA: I am going to use Troll's Endurance because
if it's once per short rest, then it's okay, right?
MATT: Sure!
LAURA: Yeah! I'm going to do it.
MATT: So roll your d12.
LAURA: Ooh! Eight plus two, so I only take one
point of damage!
MATT: One point of slashing damage. You shrug it
off. It goes through the plates of the armor, hits
the skin and gets a minute in there, and you flex
your abs. They're so strong!
LAURA: They're so strong!
TRAVIS: Nice, Arby!
LAURA: Thanks! That's why I'm Unbreakable; this is
why!
MATT: Does that end your turn?
DARIN: Yes.
MATT: With that, another volley of crossbow bolts
and arrows comes flying over. You can see maybe a
dozen flying from the wall. Other Uruk are
climbing to try and head these guys off in the
distance. I need you all to make another dexterity
saving throw.
SAM: 21!
LAURA: Six!
TRAVIS: 22.
MATT: Both of you guys manage to dodge out of the
way. However, both of you take five points of
piercing damage as a bolt or arrow hits each of
you in the shoulder or back.
LAURA: Mine hit the back; yours hit the shoulder.
DARIN: Thanks.
LAURA: Yeah.
DARIN: There's two things you have to know about
where that arrow hit.
MATT: You guys are now at the base of the tower.
You hear a smaller explosion, muffled. More
smoke's billowing out the side. It's a rather
large chamber that he lives in and it looks like
about half of it is engulfed in flames, the side
nearest to the entrance. You guys rush up the
stairs to head up the side of the tower? Or do you
find another way around?
SAM: Are there any other ways around? Are there
ladders?
DARIN: Did we defeat the one that we held?
MATT: No, it's still standing there. What are you
going to do; are you going to fight that guy or
keep moving?
LAURA: Let's fuck that guy up.
MATT: Then Eden, you're up first.
SAM: Oh. We're going to beat this guy? I'm
ignoring this guy; I'm going to charge into the
stairwell.
TRAVIS: Go up the tower! Go!
MATT: Attack of opportunity against you. That is a
15. What's your armor class?
SAM: Does he have to roll a negative four?
MATT: He has to minus d4 from him. So go ahead and
roll a d4.
DARIN: That is a three.
MATT: That's a 12.
SAM: He does not hit me.
MATT: The axe swings wide and you start darting up
the steps. Up next would be Arby.
LAURA: I'm going to try to hit him.
MATT: Go for it.
TRAVIS: What about me? I thought I was at the top
of the round, right?
MATT: Oh, that's right!
TRAVIS: You know, because I went first with the
sneak attack.
DARIN: It was your height, we overlooked you
because you're the smallest of the group
apparently. You're a wee thing.
TRAVIS: Can I run up and draw my shortsword, two
hands, and try and stick it in?
MATT: Yeah you can, actually. So you toss the
crossbow over your shoulder, rush in blade out.
Make an attack. With advantage, because he is
currently--
TRAVIS: 19.
MATT: All right, roll damage on that with sneak
attack.
TRAVIS: Shortsword, 1d6.
LAURA: And I'm standing next to him.
TRAVIS: Sneak attack, five, six, ten--
SAM: Sneak attack?
TRAVIS: Yeah. Because somebody's within melee. 12
points of damage to his gut!
MATT: With that, as he's currently standing there
swinging wide, missing Eden as he rushes past, he
begins to give chase. At that point his body
stiffens up as the blade sinks right into the back
of the spine. You drag it down through the
shoulder blades, and as it brings his arms forward
it kind of opens the wound. He crumples to the
ground, not moving.
TRAVIS: A beautiful scar to add to my collection.
DARIN: How many does this make?
TRAVIS: It makes 30.
DARIN: Excellent.
(laughter)
SAM: Come on, you shugs, come with me up the
stairs!
DARIN: Wait a minute, who's the leader of this
group?
TRAVIS: You are.
LAURA: Barfta.
DARIN: Of this group, of us four!
LAURA: Well, I was thinking I could lead?
TRAVIS: As a collective? Do we vote? Is it
democracy?
DARIN: This is a democracy in which I lead. Let's
go up the stairs, as he said.
TRAVIS: Okay.
DARIN: Good.
MATT: All right, the rest of you catch up. You're
faster than the rest, so you dart up towards the
top of the stairs. Partway up the stairway, as you
rush around the corner, you see an even more
muscular orc standing there right before you. No
helmet on, fury and this faint gray glow to the
eyes. Swinging wide with a giant, two-handed
hammer, goes swinging towards you. And gets two
attacks, but the first one, a natural two, misses
the first one. And a natural one for the second
one. Swings wide once, and then swings a second
time and you put your foot out and trip him, and
as you do he stumbles forward and the hammer
actually slams into the side of the tower. It
wedges itself into the stonework as it's cracked
and broken inward. And is currently trying to pull
its weapon out of the stonework.
SAM: Oh, that looks like a problem. I will solve
it! I will attack him with my quarterstaff. Ten
plus seven, ooh, 17.
MATT: 17 hits, go ahead and roll damage.
SAM: Yes! So that hit goes for, ooh, 12 points,
and you said he looked stronger than the rest?
MATT: Yes.
SAM: I will use my Flurry of Blows.
MATT: Okay, so you get three more attacks on him.
SAM: I would like to flurry! 19 plus seven!
MATT: That hits, roll damage on that.
SAM: That's another nine points of damage. 20,
natural 20!
DARIN: Well flurried, friend!
MATT: Go ahead and roll your dice, double it.
SAM: One.
MATT: So two?
SAM: That's two plus four. So that's six. And then
one more. Six plus seven is only a 13.
MATT: 13 just barely hits, doesn't have a lot of
armor on him.
SAM: Eight plus four, another 12 points of
damage!
MATT: So how do you want to do this? You finish
this guy off. With these four strikes, as he's
currently trying to wrestle his weapon from the
side of the tower, how do you finish him?
SAM: Like Zorro.
DARIN: Who?
LAURA: Who's that?
SAM: He was this glob that I killed two towns
over. He would always write a Z on his victims.
But my name is Eden? So I'm going to try and write
an E. (grunts)
MATT: With an exposed muscular torso, it takes a
lot of pressure to try and cut someone with a
quarterstaff. However, you thankfully as an
olog-hai are a very strong creature by nature, and
in a horrible display, you break the skin and
force an E across his body with your
quarterstaff.
SAM: Can I make a lowercase E?
MATT: Sure! With that, he looks down at the E and
you just push him off the edge of the stairs and
he tumbles. You hear this lower-pitched Wilhelm
scream.
SAM: (roaring)
DARIN: Ur-Eden, keep him alive! We need to
question him!
SAM: He committed suicide.
DARIN: As they all do when they see your might.
SAM: He said he was so scared of you, Mozuu!
DARIN: Oh, yeah, there's two things people do when
they're scared of me. Commit suicide, and that's it!
MATT: At which point you guys have now caught up
to the back of Ur-Eden, and you guys climb up the
rest of the stairs. You can now look over the side
of the walls, and you can see a number of the
uruk within this fortress have now overtaken a lot
of the marauding, arriving traitors that had begun
to attack. And it seems like most of the
uprising's being quelled, however no one has
gotten to the tower as quick as you.
SAM: Do the uprisers, the rebels, look different?
Do they have anything different about them in
their eyes?
MATT: Other than the occasional flash in the eyes,
nothing else seems to catch your attention.
However, as you get to the top of the stairs
around this tower, you're looking at the entrance.
The door's partially broken inward and flames
have completely wreathed the entrance to this
chamber. It's really hot and you immediately
recoil at the blaze before you. How do you wish to
proceed?
LAURA: Is Barfta in there?
SAM: That's where he slumbers.
LAURA: And it's on fire?
SAM: We should probably go in.
DARIN: If we rescue him, we're heroes.
MATT: You hear a (muffled yelling) from behind the
wall on the inside.
LAURA: Barfta, is that you?
DARIN: Yes, tell us if it's you. If it's you say,
"This is Barfta, I'm on fire!" If you're not on
fire, say-- You know, just say whatever you like.
MATT: There's a brief pause before you hear again
(muffled yelling).
LAURA: I don't know if that was Barfta.
DARIN: That was not following my directions.
Therefore, I do not know if we should enter--
LAURA: Maybe we should break the door down to see
who it is?
DARIN: Break it down.
LAURA: I try to break it down.
MATT: All right, make an attack.
LAURA: 17 plus eight!
MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll damage! With your
giant maul, you slam down with this gargantuan
hammer into the burning wood.
LAURA: I get to reroll ones! Ten plus five, 15!
MATT: 15 points of damage, crack! Most of the door
breaks down. It's still barely holding on to the
bottom hinge, but it now gives you a full view of
the inside. You do suffer four points of fire
damage due to the proximity to the flame, however
you have opened an entryway to the chamber.
Looking inside, you can see flames have taken the
entire western side of the chamber. You can see a
lot of the silks that he keeps-- For the point
here, as the leader of this portion of the
marauder tribe, Barfta likes nice things. Even
glancing inside you've gotten little glimpses of
the inside of his chamber here and there, and you
can see gold spoils adorning taken cabinets and
boxes and crates left around. There's just a large
pile of somewhat loosely comfortable materials
that you scoff at the idea of such comfort, but
silently in the back of your head, you're like, I
bet that's nice.
LAURA: Can we see where Barfta is in here?
MATT: You do actually see the far wall is an open
hole, destroyed by one of the earlier detonations.
You can see the entry point was the other side of
this tower. You see numerous ruined bodies of
uruk, like the one that you saw guarding the
stairway on the way up, are now littering the
floor, near that opening in the window. And there
in the center you see Warchief Barfta, muscles
swollen in rage. He kneels amidst these bodies,
repeatedly slamming his fist into the face of a
still-living would-be assassin, who's now on the
ground just being clutched by the throat (roars).
He's just like gone feral in his face at this
point.
LAURA: Does he look like he's in trouble? Does he
look hurt?
TRAVIS: Injured? On fire?
MATT: Make a perception check.
LAURA: I'm very perceptive. 15.
MATT: Glancing in, you can see he looks wounded on
one arm, one arm looks like it has a few gashes,
but for the most part seems to be not too worse
for wear. As soon as the door bashes in, he's like
growling at this one uruk on the ground who's
partially broken with one eye swollen shut.
Glances over, looks in your direction,
"What're you doing? Get in and help!"
LAURA: Okay, I try to break through the rest of
the door.
MATT: Okay, so make an athletics check. Since
you've already ruined most of its structure, this
is more of a just pushing the rest of it out of
the way.
LAURA: Oh, no. Oh, I have really good athletics!
12.
TRAVIS: It's nice, isn't it?
LAURA: Yeah, oh my god! I'm so strong!
MATT: You manage to take the rest of your hammer
and smash through the remains of the door. You do
suffer another two points of fire damage in the
process, but you've cleared the entryway and no
one else will suffer fire damage passing through
the entryway. You all step into the center of the
chamber and there the warchief is still clutching
his assassin on the ground and he's grinning and
going, "You stupid shrak, who sent you? What fool
dares raise arms against me?" The assassin
(gurgles). Spits in his face. Looks back at the
rest of you with this look of rage in his eyes.
The Warchief, "You there, make yourself useful and
get my information!" He throws the wounded
assassin at your feet who tumbles. He
starts coughing and trying to get up.
LAURA: Oh, I step on him, but not to kill him, to
hold him in place.
MATT: A very big foot right on his chest, he's now
like pinned on the ground pushing against the
foot, but not able to get any ground. He's looking
up at you, eyes wide from the pressure.
(coughing)
LAURA: Can you answer some questions for us,
please?
TRAVIS: Why are you being so polite?
LAURA: Oh, no. I scream in his face. Somebody ask
him questions.
DARIN: I'll walk over, I'll get real close to him.
Hello friend, my name is Mozuu the Chosen. I've
heard the voice of Sauron. He told me the strong
take what they want. You see all this around here?
That could be part of yours if you're strong
enough. You tell us why, why you'd do this, and
riches await you.
MATT: Make a persuasion check.
LAURA: Is that the truth?
DARIN: Shush. Oh, I'm bad at dice. Miss. 15 plus--
Where is my thing?
SAM: Persuasion, right?
DARIN: Oh, 18.
MATT: 18. He calms down for a minute and smiles at
you. You can see that same weird gray flash in his
eyes. "You'll get nothing from me. Death comes for
you all."
DARIN: Death comes for us all, friend, it just
depends on when. It doesn't have to come for you
today. Riches can be yours.
MATT: "Look, I was sent by Ur-Gram the
Face-Eater."
SAM: Ur-Grandma?
MATT: Ur-Gram the Face-Eater. "See, he survived
his duel in the wastes east of here under a new
"lord. They have many under their banner. We was
sent to take this fort, we was, and succeed we
"would have, and we will again soon. Nargroth is
next. Enjoy your heads while you still got them."
LAURA: I start looking around the room and forget
that I'm actually standing on him and I put my
full weight down.
MATT: (gargled screaming)
LAURA: Oh, does that hurt?
DARIN: We thank you for your information. Arby,
eat his face.
LAURA: I don't actually like the taste of--
DARIN: Okay, that was a good moment and I was like
threatening him.
LAURA: I'll just finish stepping on him.
MATT: Heavy stomp. Just this watermelon splatter
of Uruk head against the stonework. The flames
still burning around. The Warchief seems less
frustrated.
DARIN: Your problem was solved, Warchief. We
interrogated.
TRAVIS: I'm just carving little scars into the
dead body.
MATT: The Warchief has now sat down on the ground,
back slumped against the pile of rags and cloth
that he sleeps on and pulls a bottle of spoiled
wine and uncorks it. Begins to wash the open
wounds on the arm, takes a swig.
SAM: Oh, oh yes, do you need medical attention, my
lord?
MATT: "Does it look like I need medical
attention?"
SAM: Yes.
MATT: "Then fix me!"
SAM: All right, I grab my healer's kit and I will
use my really dirty bandages to wrap him up. I
don't really have anything to fasten it with so I
hock a loogie on one and then fasten it to the
other piece and hope that holds.
MATT: Perfect, okay, roll your healing.
SAM: Oh yes, 1d6 plus nine. 12 points.
MATT: All right. So as you bend, take them, and:
"Yeah." He was like, (grunts, then breathes).
"Ur-Gram leaves and wants to take my fort, does
he? Wants to wallow in my shadow, does he? That
"sniveling orog's going to taste a hundred blades
before he falls, I say. Am I right?"
SAM and TRAVIS: Yeah.
DARIN: Do you have a hundred blades?
MATT: "I've got more than a hundred blades!"
DARIN: How many exactly do we have? Do we ever
count? Is there someone in charge to count the
blades?
MATT: "Your job now is to count the blades."
DARIN: We have two blades.
LAURA: You are so good at-- oh, counting.
DARIN: Yeah, I am very good at counting. That's
why they call me Mozuu the Chosen.
MATT: "Mozuu?"
DARIN: The Chosen.
MATT: "And who chose you?"
DARIN: Sauron.
MATT: (laughs) "Stupid. What's your names, then?
Who's your commander?"
SAM: We follow Barfta-- oh wait, that's you.
MATT: "That's right. You follow me!"
SAM and LAURA: Yes.
MATT: (shouting) "What's your name?"
DARIN: Mozuu the Chosen.
SAM: My name's Ur-Eden. Ur-Eden Goodthink. You
can call me Eden.
LAURA: I'm Arb-Uruk, the Unbreakable. But you
can call me Arby.
TRAVIS: Oh, powerful Barfta! I am lowly Skak the
Scar-Artist, to serve you.
MATT: "All right. You seem to be an able-bodied
lot. You want to show your Warchief what real
"uruk are made of?"
DARIN: Is this before or after I count the
blades?
MATT: "After."
DARIN: Good.
MATT: "Yeah? Then go!" (gulps)
LAURA: Where are we going again?
MATT: "I'm getting there! Head east. Find where
Ur-Gram is hiding, tell me where and I'll reward
"you. Bring me back his head, I'll shoot you all
straight to captains, with your own roots beneath you."
TRAVIS: Captains!
MATT: "Now hurry! Before the tracks go cold! Go!"
DARIN: Again, you asked me to count blades, and
yet now--
MATT: "Count them quickly! I don't care!"
TRAVIS: It's a figure of speech, Mozuu.
DARIN: I'll say there's more than a hundred. We're
going. We will bring you glory and we will bring
you his head.
MATT: "Good. Hundred swords. Heh."
TRAVIS: Can I run across the room to the hole that
was blown in the other side of the room, check for
clues or how they did it, or if there's any trace
of who came in?
MATT: Make an investigation check in the vicinity,
and then a perception check looking through the hole.
LAURA: While he's doing that, can I walk over to
Eden and say, I got burned a little in the door.
SAM: All right. Do you need some healing, then?
LAURA: Don't take my skin off, though.
TRAVIS: 25 on the investigation, and an eight on
the perception.
MATT: Okay! Looking through the hole that is
blasted into the side of this wall, there is a
number of crumpled uruk, you see there are two
assassins on the ground, both with ruined forms,
seemingly the explosion that they brought here
also blew them apart. The style you can
appreciate. But you do see they have-- somehow through this
explosion, three small encased leather-bound orbs
that survived the detonation. You take and sniff
it, it's a very familiar smell of powder.
TRAVIS: Explodey powder? Can I pocket those
three?
MATT: You do indeed. Yeah.
LAURA: Oh, that's cool.
MATT: What was your perception check?
TRAVIS: It's an eight.
MATT: An eight. You glance out past the hole, to
the dark hills in the distance. Nothing.
TRAVIS: It's real blurry. Of you all, who has really good
like, you know, eyeballs?
LAURA: I don't know if they're good or not, but I've
got some eyeballs.
TRAVIS: Can you see anything out here?
LAURA: I bring out my patch of eyeballs. Which kind
did you need, because I got little eyeballs and
bigger eyeballs?
TRAVIS: How long have you been holding those?
SAM: Some of those aren't eyeballs, by the way.
LAURA: Oh, that's a piece of lint, you're right.
What--
(yelling and laughing)
LAURA: The eagles! The eagles are coming!
(laughing)
MATT: That was amazing!
TRAVIS: Are you Gandalf? Oh shit.
DARIN: It's the magic of Mordor!
SAM: I think we should follow you now!
LAURA: I'm the chosen one! I'm the chosen!
DARIN: That was Sauron made flesh!
TRAVIS: Amazing.
LAURA: Yeah, so...no?
TRAVIS: Put those away.
LAURA: Ow, but that made my hands hurt worse,
please.
SAM: All right, I could heal you right now, or we
could use hit dice and take a short rest and that way
I would save my ability to heal you later.
LAURA: All right. Oh yeah, and then I get my
troll's endurance back!
MATT: "So! Maggots!"
SAM: Oh, you're still here!
ALL: Sorry, sorry!
SAM: If we're going to do this for you by the Dark
Lord's name, I feel that our group of four should
have some sort of group name.
TRAVIS: Ooh! Like a callsign!
SAM: Yeah, a callsign or something. Is that
something you could hook us up with?
MATT: "I mean..."
LAURA: Do you have like fancy pins or something we
could wear?
SAM: Or the Orc Four! The Orc Four! The Forcs!
ALL: The Forcs! The Forcs!
MATT: "No. All right, Forcs it is!"
(cheering)
MATT: "You! Are the Barfta Forcs!"
SAM: Can we get little patches that say "Get
Forc-ed"?
LAURA: Oh, you should, you should just carve it in
because you're a Scar-Artist!
TRAVIS: Yeah, hold on, just one minute!
DARIN: While you do that, I'm going to go count
some blades from this window.
MATT: Okay, make a perception check.
DARIN: Okay. 16.
MATT: 16; glancing about over the next five or ten
minutes or so, you just count blades in the
courtyard, and those that are pulling the
bodies of the gathered mutineers and executing
them in the middle of the courtyard; you count
probably a good solid 73-74 blades by your
estimation in immediate visual range. You throw in
some, you know, estimations of non-visual range
based blades, the size of the fortress, probably
something around 125 blades currently available in
just this small encampment outside the main
fortress.
DARIN: By my count, we have 7,321 blades currently
available to us in this fort. We are unbeatable.
We find this guy you want, this guy dies.
MATT: "I like you."
DARIN: Well thank you.
MATT: "But get out."
DARIN: Oh! Yeah, right.
TRAVIS: Your shoulder is finished, where do you
want yours?
LAURA: My shoulder looks really good.
SAM: Across my back.
MATT: As you're glancing out, you look past the
eastern mountainscape; you can see what are the
Mithram Spur mountains to the east of this
encampment. The shadows of night have been
claiming this vicinity as the sun's faded. You see
a handful of fleeing goblins, just vanishing into
the mountains heading eastward and disappearing
into the shadows at the base.
DARIN: Fleeing? Well, I couldn't probably tell,
the goblins--
MATT: They're running away.
DARIN: In the direction we're headed?
MATT: Yes.
SAM: Let's take on after them.
DARIN: Yeah. Because, well, what goblins are
afraid of, no offense to you, we are not afraid
of. We're better than goblins, no offense to you.
TRAVIS: Again, no.
DARIN: Yeah. Are we going?
TRAVIS: No wait, you need your tattoo, yours is
done, it's on the lower back. Where would you like
your Forcs tattoo?
LAURA: You want one on your arm like I got?
DARIN: See this head on my helmet?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
DARIN: Put it up there. Because this will cause
true terror in any goblin, again, no offense to you.
TRAVIS: Thank you. We'll get it later, we should
probably get after them.
DARIN: Take this helmet and do it as we run! You
are a true artiste.
LAURA: But we got to take a short rest though,
right, while we were getting our tattoos though.
Was that a short rest?
MATT: Okay, so you take a short rest outside of
the chambers of Warchief Barfta who has been
trying to get you to leave for the past 20-- the
chamber is just in flames around him, he's just
sitting there drinking like "Leave! Me!"
DARIN: We have, technically, we are outside the
room, technically we have left. He agrees.
MATT: "Smartass."
SAM: Do I get ki points back?
MATT: You do.
SAM: All?
MATT: Yep.
SAM: Holy moly, I'm so powerful! Wow!
DARIN: Must we roll to get hit points back?
SAM: Hit dice. It will say right there.
DARIN: Oh! Well, that's nice.
LAURA: What's shrak mean again? Is that a dick?
SAM: No. Shrak is feces.
MATT: Excrement.
LAURA: Okay. A gronk is a dick?
SAM: A gronk is a dick. How will we chase after
these bad guys? Are we going to ride on something,
or should we just walk? Do we need a cart?
TRAVIS: Do we have any mounts available?
DARIN: Do we see any carangors?
MATT: You do have, in this encampment, three
carangors, that are caged, feral. They haven't
been broken yet. But they are currently caged in
the corner, you could see a few beastmasters that
roam about. As you walk up to approach and take a
look, you see one of them has a pike with this long,
slivering piece of meat that has a little bit of
skin on it still, and you think may have belonged
to one of the uruks that just got killed in the
fray and just throws into the cage. Immediately,
this extremely large, hyena dog-like hybrid beast
starts tearing it apart, getting gore everywhere.
TRAVIS: See, I'm afraid that would be us, if we
tried to ride them.
SAM: Are you scared of a carangor?
TRAVIS: Very much so. Yeah, I mean, look at them.
SAM: I've killed so many carangor.
TRAVIS: I haven't.
SAM: I haven't either.
LAURA: You could ride on my back. I could give you
a piggyback ride.
TRAVIS: Not that I need it, but I will accept.
LAURA: Because I think we're too big to ride this
scatagorse.
SAM: The scatagorus?
LAURA: Yeah.
DARIN: Yeah, close enough.
SAM: All right. Well then, we will go on foot.
Right?
LAURA: I don't know. Are we too big?
MATT: I mean, it's a big beast. You can certainly
try.
SAM: Is anyone good with animals?
TRAVIS and DARIN: Nope.
LAURA and SAM: Maybe we should walk.
(laughter)
MATT: As you guys are having this conversation,
you see one of the beastmasters is by the cage,
looking at you with his head turned to the side,
curious as to what you're talking about. And
immediately, this claw grabs him and pulls him
against the cage, (screaming) as one of the jaws
grabs and tears his shoulder off from the back. He
goes, (grunting). The other uruks start hitting it with
pikes from the side of the cage, to calm it down,
but it's already torn the guy apart. You're like,
this is bad.
DARIN: We're walking, we are walking.
MATT: Okay. So as you guys exit the outside of the
fortress on the outskirts of Nargroth, you begin
to make your way eastward towards the mountains,
in the direction where you saw these fleeing
goblins. Who's helming this journey? Who wants to
be tracking eastward?
LAURA: Well, he has the head on his helmet, so he
can probably see farther than the rest of us.
DARIN: Yes, but the eyes are missing. If you gave
me a couple of your eyes, we could stick them in there.
LAURA: Here's a couple. They don't match, but
that's all right.
DARIN: It's just eyes. So I'll take out a couple
of the eyes, I take off my helmet, and I put them
in. And now, I am known as Mozuu the Chosen, the
tracker with the helmet that has the head with
the eyes in it currently.
LAURA: Upgrade. I'm going to take Skak and I'm
going to sit him on my shoulder.
TRAVIS: (frantic noises)
MATT: As he's slowly carving-- well no, if you
have the helmet on to track, he can't carve into
it as you're moving. So a choice has to be
made.
DARIN: Well, the eyes will be able to see as
you're carving. You tell me what they see, we go
that way.
TRAVIS: I'm to interpret the eyes?
DARIN: Exactly. That what makes us a team! That's
what makes us the Forcs, apparently.
ALL: The Forcs!
MATT: So I want you to make a dexterity check.
TRAVIS: (laughs) That was good. Oh, that's a
million. 22.
MATT: 22. You, of all the scars you've carved
across the group, you saved the best for Mozuu.
Even though it's a bumpy ride on the back of an
olog, it's a beautiful display on this helmet.
TRAVIS: It's got mosaic work, filigree! It's
really nice.
MATT: You're really proud of it, and also roll a
perception check, because you're now the person
interpreting the eyes.
TRAVIS: Oh good. Minus two. 14.
MATT: 14. Okay. So as you glance about, and you
take a little while, heading forward, you begin to
find the easiest path up the mountainside. As
opposed to having to climb cliff over cliff, you
guys eventually hit the base of the Mithram Spur
Mountains, and begin to slowly pull your way up
the occasional cliffside, but for the most part,
you've managed to maintain a fairly easy to climb
switchback path that has been walked through this
mountain range a number of times. Make a survival
check for me, please.
LAURA: You hear those people screaming in the
background?
SAM and DARIN: Yes.
TRAVIS: I literally rolled a zero. Two minus two.
MATT: All right. So as you guys begin to curl up
and down the edge of this mountain range, you
can see the large fortress of Nargroth in the
distance, and the outskirts of the one small watch
fortress on the outside of it, the three of which
dot its exterior. The one furthest to the east
that you just came from begins to disappear over
the high mountain spires and now, in the dark
skies, the black of night, just the faint glow of
orange-red in the distance as Mount Doom
occasionally flares up into the clouds ahead. It is
very dark. Thankfully, I believe most of you have
some form of darkvision.
TRAVIS: 60 feet.
LAURA: And torches.
MATT: Yep. Great, so you guys are able to make
your way through, following the wonderful
direction of Skak on top.
TRAVIS: The eyes speak often. They lead us forth.
SAM: I've noticed that one of those eyes is a
wolf's eye, and the other is an acorn. Is that
going to...
TRAVIS: No. Shouldn't make any difference. Both
the land and the beast speak to me through the eyes.
MATT: Leading you with absolute confidence up the
side of this mountain path.
DARIN: Because an acorn is technically a seed.
And you can't spell seed without see.
TRAVIS: I don't know if that's right.
DARIN: S-E-E is "see." S-E-E-E-D-D-D-D-D is
"seed." Therefore, you could, if you wanted to.
TRAVIS: Extrapolate.
MATT: And it's at that moment, (laughs) Arby, as
your large foot hits a soft mound of dirt, a large
one, one about maybe 25 or so feet across.
Your foot hits it. The mountain seems to give way
for a moment into a little bit of a plateau, and
there looks to be packed ash and dirt that fills
this small vicinity. And while you were conversing
and listening and following the direction of Skak,
your foot hits this soft mound.
LAURA: Hey, something's down here. It's softer. I
start stomping on it.
MATT: Okay. I would like all of you to make an
intelligence check, please.
DARIN: Five.
SAM: Seven.
LAURA: 14.
TRAVIS: 18. This is new for me, guys!
(laughter)
MATT: So as all of you begin to follow suit with
Arby and stomping on the soft dirt, you're like,
wait, we've raided some of these before.
TRAVIS: Wait a second. Yeah, we've all got
experience with this.
LAURA and SAM: What is it?
MATT: You hear this soft growling sound as you
watch these tiny humanoid creatures with long
thin arms and legs, hairless gray skin, begin to
pull their way out of small holes and tunnels in
the sides of this mound. You watch as ghouls began
to emerge now from the recent disturbing of their space.
LAURA: I hate ghouls.
SAM: But the Forcs can take them. Forcs! It's
dinner time!
MATT: Because you rolled so high on the intelligence
check, you do know that they have a hard time with
bright light. However, I would like you all to
roll initiative because they are immediately
lunging towards you. (snarls)
TRAVIS: Remember, they have a hard time with
bright light!
SAM: (laughs) Thank you, Lady Guinevere.
(laughter)
LAURA: You had a torch, right, in your hand?
DARIN: We're using darkvision. Some of us.
SAM: Totally black.
DARIN: Yep. Let's go back in time. Did anyone--
LAURA: I did mention torches, but I didn't say I
pulled it out.
MATT: You can see four of them have emerged, and
it looks like more are making their way out. So.
All right, initiative order. What do you have?
DARIN: 11.
SAM: 17.
LAURA: 11.
TRAVIS: 18.
ALL: Ooh.
MATT: All right. Skak, you're up first. As you
kept the helmet in your hand, you're like
(hesitating).
TRAVIS: How far away are they?
MATT: There are two of them that are ten feet from
you now, rushing in your direction, and a few that are
about 25 or 30 feet on the other side of the
mound that are now climbing over it and
darting towards you. You move first, though, so
there's nobody quite in range or no one who's
attacking you yet.
TRAVIS: I would like to take out one of my acid
vials, and I'm going to throw it from atop
your shoulders at the two ghouls coming forward.
MATT: Perfect. Okay, then.
TRAVIS: Using Acid Splash.
MATT: So as you chuck it out, there are two of
them that are side by side that are emerging on
the opposite side within range, so you could
probably hit them both. So I need you to go ahead
and roll-- actually, no, it's a dexterity saving
throw on their point. Okay, so strangely enough,
they both succeed. An 18 and a 20. You throw it,
and they're so fast as they dart past. They're
small and they're wiry and they're lively, and as
soon as you throw and lob it, the both just separate
and it splashes harmlessly on the ground below them.
You see the acid burn up. No effect, unfortunately.
TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus action to nimble
escape, and I want to jump off your shoulders and hide.
MATT: Sure, yeah. So we'll say you dart off, and
go ahead and roll a stealth check.
TRAVIS: Nice. 20.
MATT: Okay! Good to know. So that's you. You're
hidden. That ends Skak's turn. Eden, you're up.
SAM: So there's two close together and two
others?
MATT: Well, they've now separated a little bit.
There's four now rushing right in the front, and
they're somewhat close. You can get in between two
of them and hit both.
LAURA: Do we all have darkvision?
MATT: I believe you do, yeah.
SAM: And my flurry of blows, can that be used on
multiple targets? All right, so I'll run up to the
first and quarterstaff attack.
MATT: Go for it.
SAM: Ooh, yeah. 23 to hit.
MATT: 23 hits, yeah. Go ahead and roll damage.
SAM: Seven.
MATT: Seven points? All righty. So as you rush up
and-- by the way, as an olog-hai, you're a big
troll-like entity. The quarterstaff in your hands
is like that long. It's like a tiny little baton.
You smack it, and you dislocate its shoulder. And
it gives a horrible pained sound as it does so. It's
hurt pretty bad. These things are not very hardy,
there's just a lot of them.
SAM: All right. I will flurry of blows and strike
him with my hand.
MATT: All right. Go for it.
SAM: Ew, 11.
MATT: 11 does not hit, unfortunately. You're too
confident at this point. As you swing a second
time, it ducks below, missing.
SAM: I'll strike again with my hand. (yelps) Oh,
that one's better. 19.
MATT: 19. Go ahead and roll damage.
SAM: Six points of damage.
MATT: And with that, you slam down and crumple its
head into its shoulder. It makes
this gurgle sound as it falls to the ground. And
there's one who's now rushing up behind you that
you can move into and get your final attack, if
you want.
SAM: With my hand, right? My bonus--
MATT: Hand, or your staff.
SAM: All right. Well, then I will quarterstaff him
in the gut!
MATT: All right, go for it. So you run up and use
that momentum.
SAM: Oh yeah! 18 plus seven. Ooh! 25.
MATT: That hits. Yeah, roll damage.
SAM: One. So five.
MATT: Five points of damage. All right, so it hits
him, and he gives this guttural loss of air sound,
but it's still standing without an issue.
SAM: Is that a part of the flurry of blows attack,
or is that when I bonus attack?
MATT: Well, the flurry of blows becomes your
bonus. You do two attacks instead of one with your
bonus is what flurry does.
SAM: Okay. So if I hit someone with a flurry of
blows, he must succeed on a dexterity saving throw
or be knocked prone.
MATT: Oh shit. With an eight, no, he does not. So
the one you slam, while it doesn't kill him, it
knocks him off his feet, and it falls to the
ground. It's clawing to find purchase to get
itself back to its feet.
SAM: All right, Forcs. Appetizer course is over. I
don't know how far I can take this metaphor!
(laughter)
DARIN: All the way till dessert, is what I think!
SAM: Salad course!
MATT: With that, the remaining five... or the four
that aren't currently prone, rush up-- the one
that was prone gets up with its turn and it's
going to go ahead and strike at you. It can't move
anywhere, because it's no longer prone.
Something's going to strike at you-- okay, that's
a 23 to hit?
SAM: Yes.
MATT: You take seven points of slashing damage
from its bite attack-- sorry, it's from the
scratch attack as it strikes across you with its
claw. It rolled max damage. It's going to attempt
to bite at you. That's a nine, which does not hit
you. So it strikes you with its claw, then goes to
bite you and its jaw hits your armored flesh,
your hide, and can't seem to pierce it. Another one
rushes to the side to try and gang up on you. It tries
to climb onto your back. That is a 16 to hit.
What's your armor class?
SAM: 17.
MATT: 17! It jumps onto your back but it can't
pierce your hard hide, while another one-- a third
one is going to rush up behind you as well. That
one is going to be a 21 to hit.
SAM: Yes.
MATT: And that one takes-- you take three points
of slashing damage as it rakes into your back and
it gets up onto your shoulders. It's going to
attempt to bite down on the top of your head. With
a ten. As it bites down once again, it just can't
seem to bite through your thick olog hide. Those
are the three ghouls that are on you. Two more
emerge from the mound and began rushing in.
However, they cannot get into combat right now and
still attack. The-- let's see, there's two more.
One of them is going to rush towards you, Mozuu, and one's
going to rush around trying to look--
LAURA: (sings)
MATT: Oh, that would've been amazing.
TRAVIS: No more eagles.
MATT: (laughs) Good! That works to your favor.
Actually, no, that's going to be two on Mozuu.
Because they don't know where you are and they're
a little scared of you at the moment. All right,
that's going to be a 21?
DARIN: 21 points of damage?
MATT: No, 21 to hit. What's your armor class?
DARIN: Yeah, it hits. Because I'm an 18.
MATT: All right. So you take two points of slashing
damage from the scratch, and 18?
DARIN: Yeah.
MATT: You take three points of piercing damage from
the bite. The other one that swung up to you,
because this one is now currently flanking you
with the other one, that is a 23 to hit, which I
believe hits. And then 24 to hit. 18 and 19.
SAM: Mozuu! They have chosen you!
TRAVIS: Yeah! (laughs)
DARIN: It's part of my name.
MATT: That's seven points of slashing damage plus
an additional 1d4. So you get an additional one,
so it's eight points of slashing damage. And
second strike is going to be-- damage-wise,
(counting) ooh, nine points of piercing damage.
TRAVIS: Ding!
LAURA: How are you at? What's your health at?
MATT: They're ganging up on you. You get the
sense, individually they are not very dangerous,
necessarily. They go down pretty quick. But when
they gang up, it's bad, and they're ganging up on
Mozuu right now.
TRAVIS: I've heard this before about ghouls.
MATT: So ending that turn. Arby, you're up.
LAURA: I'm going to-- you said they're susceptible
to bright light?
TRAVIS: Bright light!
LAURA: All right. I'm going to pull out my torch
and I'm going to hold it in the same hand with my
maul, because I got big hands. And then I'm going
to swing it.
MATT: Okay. I'm going to say it takes an action
for you to light the torch--
LAURA: Oh, I have to light? No, I didn't light it.
As a bonus action, I took it out but I didn't
light it.
MATT: Okay, so you're just holding it? Okay.
SAM: Hoping that'll be enough light?
LAURA: Yeah. And then I'm going to try to hit the
ones that were attacking Mozuu.
MATT: So you lumber up with an unlit torch,
clasped in your hand with your maul, and you're
going to attack the ones against Mozuu. All right.
Roll for the first attack.
LAURA: (laughs) Okay.
SAM: It must cast some light.
LAURA: Yeah! I mean, that's what torches do.
(laughter)
LAURA: Twenty-- I suck at this particular number
combination. 21.
MATT: 21 hits. Yeah, go and roll damage.
SAM: It's a 20 and a one.
LAURA: Yeah.
DARIN: Apparently it's forever.
LAURA: Ooh, that's good. That's 15.
MATT: 15 points of damage?
LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: With one strike, you splatter this ghoul
across the mound. You see its arms and legs go
flying apart as its torso is crushed and
destroyed. It's in pieces.
LAURA: I'm going to attack another one.
SAM: Does the torso light the torch?
MATT: Nope. (laughs) It's important to know.
LAURA: 11.
MATT: 11 just hits.
LAURA: Yeah! Oh, I get to reroll that. Yes! 14.
MATT: 14 points of damage. You splatter a second
one. You come swinging, and with each hit, the one
to the left and the one to the right of Mozuu are
both turned to absolute unliving matter.
LAURA: So there's two more of them on Mozuu? There's
two more on Mozuu?
MATT: No, the two that are on Mozuu are gone.
There's three that are now climbing up on Eden
that have been trying to strike through.
LAURA: I'm going to turn. I'm going to use my
action surge to hit two more to try to hit them.
MATT: All right. So you use the last bit of your
movement. This will be the end of your
movement to get to Eden, but you can attack two
that are on him.
LAURA: That's 14.
MATT: 14 hits.
LAURA: I've got to keep that eight. Five is...
eight plus five is 12-- 13? No.
MATT: Eight plus five is 13. That's correct.
LAURA: 13.
MATT: You actually slam the maul into the side of
Eden. Eden, you take just a simple three points of
bludgeoning damage, but the ghoul that was
currently clasped onto your side is smeared
against you. There is a spray of dark crimson.
LAURA: I've got one more attack here. Ooh, that's
good. That definitely hits. 24.
MATT: Yeah. Roll damage.
LAURA: Ooh! 15!
MATT: 15. And with that, you splattered the one on
the other side, the back shoulder portion of Eden,
and this time, you don't slam it into Eden, you
just swing wide and you baseball-bat slam
it, sending it flying 30, 40 feet arcing through
the sky. (ghoul screaming) There's still the one
of top of his shoulders. You got four in one
round!
LAURA: Yeah. You're welcome.
SAM: I don't know what that means.
MATT: While this is happening, Mozuu, it's your
turn.
DARIN: There are two in the distance?
MATT: There are two more. There's one that got up
on the ground that's in front of Eden, there's
one that's rushing in, and there's one that's on
top of Eden's shoulders right now.
DARIN: I'll go for the one that's on top of Eden's
shoulders. I want to pull him off and bite, and
try and rip his throat out?
MATT: Okay.
TRAVIS: Wow. Said so casually! "I would like to
bite and--"
MATT: As you rush up to the side to grab it, make
a grapple check. Roll an athletics check.
DARIN: Okay. Oh! 12.
MATT: The ghoul rolled a natural one. Without an
issue, you peel the ghoul off its back. Do you
want to lunge for its throat? All right, roll an
attack.
DARIN: 12 plus my strength?
MATT: Plus your strength, yeah.
DARIN: 15.
MATT: 15. Okay. Roll a 1d4 and add your strength
modifier and damage to it.
DARIN: That would be 16, my modifier? Three! So
six.
MATT: Six points of damage. So as you pull the
ghoul off, it's screeching. You grab it by the
back of the head, pull it back, sink your teeth
into its throat and tear a chunk out. It's not a
mortal wound, but now it's missing part of its
throat, and its screeching goes from a (screech)
to (moan) this horrible sucking sound as part of
its trachea is now exposed.
DARIN: I get another attack. It says, "you can
make two attacks."
MATT: Oh, right.
DARIN: When you make an attack action, you can
make two attacks. I want to attack his throat again.
MATT: Go for it. He has a bonus action. War
cleric.
DARIN: That's a 15. That is an 18.
MATT: That hits. Roll another d4.
DARIN: That's another six.
MATT: As you pull away the first piece of flesh,
you spit it to the side. As this horrible sucking
screech sound happens, you reach down this time,
getting a larger bite into its throat, and as you
pull back, you leave nothing but the spine left
behind, and the ghoul goes limp in your grasp, as
you have the rest of its throat in your maw.
DARIN: Wow. I've finally lived my dreams.
(laughter)
MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Mozuu? That
brings it to the top. Skak, you're up.
TRAVIS: I jump out from behind where I'm hiding,
and I load my crossbow at the one that's running,
and I pull the trigger.
MATT: Go for it. You have advantage because it
does not see you.
TRAVIS: Oh! 21.
MATT: 21? All right, roll for damage.
TRAVIS: 12, right? No sneak attack?
MATT: No, sneak attack, because it didn't see you.
You were hidden.
TRAVIS: Right. Oh, it is sneak attack? (counting)
21.
LAURA: Holy moly.
MATT: As it's rushing, we're talking 28 Days Later
sprinting zombie level. Falls limp, unmoving, onto
the mound. The bolt went through its throat and
chest area.
TRAVIS: (pants) Forcs!
(laughter)
TRAVIS: Forcs!
MATT: You watch as three more begin to emerge from
the sides of the mound. This looks to be
essentially a hive home to these, and you have no
idea how many are inside. Three more emerge.
Eden, you're up.
SAM: Maybe we should go? Seems like they keep
coming. Maybe we should run?
TRAVIS: Yes, I remember they have a weakness to
bright light, and they live in hives. We should go!
LAURA: Don't worry, I have a torch.
TRAVIS: Don't light it! I think it's an unlit
torch.
LAURA: Well, you said it was susceptible--
TRAVIS: Don't hurt yourself. It's okay. We should
go! Mozuu?
SAM: Mozuu, do we have your blessing to flee?
DARIN: Look, a lot happened just now.
TRAVIS: What's on your face?
DARIN: It's my face. It's called fear, and a
leader can't show fear. I'm not leader anymore.
You're leader.
SAM: I'm leader. You hear that? Bow before me!
DARIN: I bow before him. You gave me eyes, and yet
I didn't see. I didn't see this hive, and I almost
died. I'm not leader. I'm not fit to lead the
Forcs.
LAURA: All right.
DARIN: You're leader, as well.
LAURA: All right.
DARIN: You're leader, too. I follow all three of
you.
TRAVIS: You can't have two leaders.
DARIN: There's two things I know: the Forcs have
three leaders and one follower. There's three
things I know: that follower is me, and that's
it.
MATT: Eden, while this is happening, it's your
turn, and you've been bowing to him.
SAM: He's been bowing to me. I'm going to run.
MATT: Okay. You still have one on your shoulders,
by the way.
SAM: Oh.
DARIN: A lovely speech.
MATT: As it's trying to claw and bite you.
TRAVIS: Delineating responsibility.
SAM: I'm going to run and hope he falls off, like
a big bucking bronco. I'll use my step of the wind
to go faster and jump really far.
MATT: Okay, you full run, dash action, and use
that to move another movement. You watch as this
giant olog-hai, like Wile E. Coyote, leaves behind
a cloud in his shape behind. Because you're moving
that fast, I will make sure the ghoul has to make
a save to stay on. With a natural two for a
strength save, no. The ghoul stumbles off,
tumbling onto the ground behind you. Gets back up
onto its feet. You start bolting in an eastern
direction. Ending your turn, it's now the ghouls'
turn. They cannot catch up to you. The one that
gets up tries to run after you, but it's slowly
behind. The other three now begin to emerge, and
they're now rushing up towards you, seeing that
you smashed so many of them in the past rounds.
Three of them. Six attacks on you. They rush in.
The first one's going to go for a scratch and bite.
12? And a seven.
TRAVIS: Wow!
MATT: Second one up behind you. That is 18? All
right, with that, because they're ganged up on
you, they do more damage. That is six points of
slashing damage.
SAM: Are we leaving?
DARIN: You're leaving.
SAM: I thought that was the plan!
MATT: It's their turn now, and then they get to
go.
DARIN: Bye!
MATT: That's a 21.
DARIN: A leader leaves.
MATT: You take five points of piercing damage as
this one claws and bites into you, and then that
is a 17? No. And a nine. So they're clawing and
jumping onto you. They're scraping at the armor, but
it's keeping most of them at bay. They get a few
hits, but it's not too bad. That ends their turn.
That brings us to you, Arby. What are you going to
do?
LAURA: I guess I'm going to try to kill these
things that were attacking me.
MATT: Okay. You've got three of them on you
right now. They're climbing all over you.
LAURA: Ooh! I thought that was really good, but it
wasn't. It's 18.
MATT: 18 still hits. Roll damage.
LAURA: (cackles) 16!
MATT: 16. There's one to the side. You grab it by
the head and smash it in your grip and throw it to
the ground with a slopping sound. Your next
attack?
LAURA: I'm going to look down and try to hit the
one that's at my feet. That's a natural one.
MATT: You try to reach for him, but he's just out
of reach, so you start spinning to try to get a
better reach, but he's attached to you, so he
spins, too. You end up going in circles for the
rest of your round, chasing your tail.
LAURA: Eden! I thought I was supposed to run, but
I can't run!
SAM: Why?
LAURA: There's ghouls!
MATT: Mozuu, you're up.
DARIN: It worked once. I'm going to grab him and
try to rip his throat out.
MATT: Okay. Now you have a taste of ghoul in your
mouth. You rush over to Arburuk. Make a grapple check.
DARIN: Grapple is plus what?
MATT: It's an athletics check.
DARIN: Oh, great. 20.
MATT: 20? All right. Rolled a 19, actually. 18
plus one for its strength. It's not enough, so you
manage to grab and pull it and barely peel it off,
and you're going to try to go for its throat
again? Roll an attack.
DARIN: 18 plus three. That is a 21.
MATT: That hits. Roll damage. 1d4 plus your
strength.
DARIN: Three plus three. That is a six. We are
repeating again.
MATT: All right, roll one more time.
DARIN: Seven. So that's ten, so that did not.
MATT: Ten does not, unfortunately. You bite one
chunk out of the middle of its clavicle area, and
it's scrambling against you and pushing against
your face. As you go for the secondary bite, it
jams its hand into your mouth, and you gag
for a minute and have to pull it out. It manages
to stave off the fight for the moment, at least.
That ends your turn, Mozuu? Skak, you're up.
TRAVIS: How many are left? Two? Three?
MATT: There are three. There's one that's still
stuck to Arby, there's one that's being held by
Mozuu, and there's one that fell off the shoulders
of Eden as he ran away.
TRAVIS: Are any of them within 15 feet of me?
MATT: From where you were, you're not that far
from Arby and Mozuu. You could probably move in
pretty close, yeah.
TRAVIS: I want to try and cast Thunderwave.
MATT: Thunderwave? Okay.
TRAVIS: It's going to hit you guys, isn't it? It
hits everybody.
MATT: You can aim it in a way that will hit both
of them, but you'll hit hit either one or the other.
TRAVIS: I definitely want to try to hit as many of
you as possible.
(laughter)
MATT: You could hit all of them, all four. You
won't hit Eden, because he's too far away, but you
can hit all four of them.
SAM: (shouting) Guys, are you coming or what?
Guys?
MATT: Perfect.
TRAVIS: May the dark lord grant me a Thunderwave?
MATT: What you do is reach into your pouch and
find one of those explosives that you had earlier,
and you throw it and clench backward. I need both
Mozuu and Arby to roll a constitution saving
throw. I'm going to do the same. What's your spell
save DC?
TRAVIS: 14.
MATT: They both fail. You rolled a ten? Fail.
LAURA: 13.
MATT: Fail. All of you take 2d8 thunder damage,
and you're pushed ten feet away. Roll, Travis.
Roll 2d8.
TRAVIS: 13.
LAURA: You asshole. I mean, you glob!
MATT: Both of you guys take 13 points of thunder
damage and are blown ten feet back as this small
rolling ball explodes in a concussive blast. Both
of the ghouls get scattered into nothing. The
sound of the explosion echoes throughout the
mountains, and both of you guys get pushed back
ten feet, almost landing on the ground.
TRAVIS: Can I bonus action my nimble escape? To
hide?
MATT: Make a stealth check.
TRAVIS: 15. No, 23. Stealth is plus ten! I'm used
to the other. 23.
MATT: All right, so as the explosion happens and you're
standing right where the ball rolled, you're like,
"shit!" Move back behind the mound and try to
stealth and hide. Okay, that ends your turn. Both
of them are detonated, at this point. There is the
one across the way that fell off that's trying to
catch up to Eden but is too slow. There's none
currently out in the open, but you can hear sounds
of scratching and little voices.
LAURA: I can't really hear anything after that
explosion.
MATT: That's true. The two of you, your bell's a
little rung. You hear this, as you're hiding up
against the mound right now.
TRAVIS: How many of those explosive orbs did I
use? All of them, or just two?
MATT: We'll say, for as many spell slots as you
have.
TRAVIS: Fair enough.
MATT: All right, so that brings us to Eden.
SAM: I'm 80 feet away, and my darkvision can't see
that far, so all I heard was an explosion in the
dark, so I drop to my knee, and I say: As the only
surviving member of the Forcs, I will say a word
to thank the great dark lord for choosing me to
carry on the mantle of this mission. And I will
keep running as fast as I can away.
MATT: Okay. You bolt away. This poor little ghoul
has no sight of you. As that ends your turn, it is
now the ghoul's turn. It's like, (panting). It's
lost and doesn't see you. It's going to make a
perception check. Nope! It begins scrambling its
way back toward the mound.
LAURA: Does it know where home is?
MATT: We'll find out. The rest of this story is
the saddest little ghoul.
SAM: It's like Benji.
MATT: Three more ghouls emerge from the inside of
the mound.
DARIN: We can take it. Earth ghouls are easy.
Thank you! Sorry.
TRAVIS: Some of them are apparently explosive.
DARIN: What?
TRAVIS: Explosive!
MATT: They emerge, but they are not in combat yet.
Arby, you're up.
LAURA: I think we should run away! And I start
running away.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: As I'm running, do I see the little lost
ghoul?
MATT: I'll say yes. I'll say as you're running
away, it's coming back towards you.
LAURA: I splat it. I want to try to splat it as
I'm running.
TRAVIS: I totally heard law school.
DARIN: I passed the bar.
LAURA: 26!
MATT: 26 hits. Roll damage.
LAURA: 14.
MATT: All right, so this one ghoul who had made
his journey back finally sees home and is running
up and sees you (heavy footsteps, impact) and
full-on whack-a-mole him into the dirt.
LAURA: I keep running.
MATT: You keep running.
LAURA: Can I use-- as my bonus action, I'm going
to use my second wind.
MATT: Go for it. You get to heal up some damage.
All right. Mozuu.
DARIN: Question: I started, hit-point-wise, at 44.
I'm now at nine. I can perform Lay on Hands and
heal myself. Does that take time?
MATT: It's an action.
DARIN: Yeah. If it's my turn, I'm going to do
that.
MATT: Okay. You can use as many points as you want
to heal yourself.
DARIN: So if I spend nine hit points to heal as
many as I can?
MATT: You have a pool of 25 hit points total, and
you choose a number of that 25. You only have 25
for the whole day that you can heal with that, but
you can do five or ten or eight.
DARIN: I'd like to try for ten.
MATT: Okay, so you use your action to heal ten hit
points. Mark those ten off, and you heal ten.
DARIN: Great. I'm at 19, minus ten, and then I
will run.
MATT: Okay. You go running and bolting off. Okay,
so as you guys are all charging, you're still
hidden against the mound. You see these three
emerge from the side, and they're between you and
your allies as you're pressed against the mound.
TRAVIS: (screams) I take off running, too.
MATT: You go running past one of them. It does get
an attack of opportunity on you as you emerge.
That's going to hit. That's a 17 plus five.
TRAVIS: Uncanny dodge!
MATT: Okay, so that's five points of slashing
damage, which you take half of, so that's two. But
you go running past? Double charge? Okay. As you
guys are running, they're pretty quick, and
they're keeping pace with you. They can't quite
catch up to you, but they're following. As you're
rushing, since you're the furthest behind, make a
perception check.
TRAVIS: 11.
MATT: Okay. After a while, you eventually hear the
sound subside, and it seems like they're returning
to their mound. They don't want to get too far
away from their home base.
LAURA: They don't want to get lost like some other
little ghouls out there.
TRAVIS: (wheezes) I think they left us behind. Why
do I sound like this?
DARIN: They get you in the throat, did they?
TRAVIS: Yeah. We're clear!
DARIN: Sorry. Thought you were an imposter.
TRAVIS: Forgot my inhaler.
MATT: As the three of you reconvene, you make your
way up the path and see one heavy breathing,
exhausted Eden, alone.
SAM: They fought bravely. They were my friends.
They took care of me.
DARIN: They're standing behind you.
SAM: Oh! I'm hearing voices again.
LAURA: It's the dark lord.
DARIN: Yeah, the dark lord is speaking to you
now.
LAURA: You should probably pick your nose.
SAM: Two voices. Oh god.
TRAVIS: Ur-Eden!
SAM: Three voices. He speaks in mysterious ways.
Oh, well. I'll end it all right here.
TRAVIS: Wait!
DARIN: No, it's us! Turn around.
SAM: Oh, hi!
DARIN: Olog-hai, right back at you.
TRAVIS: You're faster than I thought.
SAM: Hi. How'd it go?
LAURA: We killed them. All of them. Every last one
of them.
TRAVIS: She killed five of them.
LAURA: I did. Is that how many I killed?
TRAVIS: Yep.
SAM: I'm sorry I left, but when he made me leaver--
DARIN: Leader.
SAM: Leader? Oh. I thought he said "leaver."
TRAVIS: Made me leaver?
SAM: All right, shall we continue eastward?
LAURA: Okay.
SAM: Which way is that?
TRAVIS: Do I know which way is east?
MATT: Make a nature check, since you guys are a
little scattered, at this point.
TRAVIS: Nature check. Natural 20. That doesn't
help with directions.
MATT: You do that for a moment and realize that
doesn't help. However, you glance over and see the
orange glow of the top of Mount Doom, and that
does help you realize: Ah! That is east.
TRAVIS: That is east.
MATT: As you begin to move in that direction, I'll
let you-- since you're leading this charge again,
with the helmet, make a perception check with
advantage because of the nature check. That 20
gave you a benefit to this.
TRAVIS: Perception with advantage, or nature with
advantage?
MATT: Perception with advantage.
TRAVIS: That helps. 18.
MATT: 18. You guys have now crested the highest
point of this mountain range and are now making
your way down the opposite side of this first
ridge. As you climb over the edge, you glance
over. Are you still on the shoulders of your
olog-hai friend?
TRAVIS: Yeah, I climb back up.
MATT: You glance over the shoulders and look down
just past the shelf, and you see this very faint
bit of light, tucked in this small outcove in the
side of the mountain. You glance past, and you can
see six uruk figures, five of which are bundled up
in ramshackle rags, small sleeping bag bundles,
and one of them has a torch across its shoulder,
keeping watch. They look roughly about the size of
the goblins that you saw fleeing from the
scene.
TRAVIS: (shushing) I see figures ahead. Three of
them. Three of them! One on guard with a torch.
LAURA: Do you think we could take them?
TRAVIS: Yeah, slit their throats while they're
resting.
LAURA: Wait, but I'm hurt still from the ghouls.
Will you help me?
(laughter)
SAM: I'm pretty hurt, too. And you're hurt, as
well. Should we take another rest?
LAURA: Can we? Can we rest and watch them while we
rest? Let's sit down for 30 minutes, around, and
maybe heal a little bit, but then be ready to
attack if they get up.
TRAVIS: No, we charge in!
LAURA: No, Skak.
SAM: I can heal us if you want, and we can keep
going.
LAURA: Yeah.
SAM: All right, gather around. I will need to use
all of my healing potential for this. What hurts?
LAURA: Well, my elbow's been giving me some
problems lately, because I think the maul might be
a little too-- I may be overextending.
DARIN: I think we're hurt from the fighting that
we just did.
LAURA: Oh. Well, a ghoul bit me on my knee, and a
ghoul bit my ankle, and another one got up here
around the shoulder, but I can't tell if it's from
the scar that Skak gave me.
SAM: I cake some mud onto all of her wounds and
heal her 13 points.
LAURA: That's good! I was down 15.
SAM: Well, where do you hurt? What ails you?
DARIN: Specifically, everything. I will take
whatever you give, O glorious leader. I bow to
your healing prowess.
SAM: I will take my hair--
LAURA: You have hair?
SAM: Yes, I have a little bit. I shake off the
dandruff, make it into a tea that he drinks, but
it's filled with protein.
MATT: Uruk scalp protein?
SAM: Yeah. That heals 11 points.
DARIN: That was the best I've ever had in my life.
I may be chosen, but you? You're good.
TRAVIS: Dandruff scalp protein?
LAURA: Gross.
SAM: I keep a little flask of grog. I'll swig
that. Can I heal myself a bit?
MATT: Yeah.
SAM: Oh yeah. 11 points. Back up in it.
LAURA: Can we run to the restroom?
MATT: I was actually about to say, as you guys are
taking this moment to heal yourselves up and
prepare yourselves for whatever point of entry to
this apparently unaware group of sleeping uruk
traitors are, we're going to take a break. We'll
rest up here for a minute. We'll be back here for
the second half, very soon, of our journey deeper
into the dark depths of Mordor.
TRAVIS: The Forcs!
ALL: The Forcs!
MATT: Thank you again WB Games for this. We'll
come back here with the second half real soon.
LAURA: This is so much fun!
MATT: You guys are awesome!
[music]
