Did you know that there are actually some
myths and truths and all sorts of things about
narcissists that maybe you need to stop thinking.
You're going to know all about that by the
end of this video.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and
the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free, A Step-by-Step
Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of
people go from lives of drama, trauma, and
chaos, to step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose.
And I do the same thing for you right here
in these videos and on this channel.
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Now let's talk about what you need to stop
thinking about narcissist because there's
a lot of myths and truths out there.
Narcissism is one of those words that's like
being used all the time now.
I've been a divorce attorney for over 20 years
now and years and years and years it was this
joke that we had among divorce attorneys that
all the wives would say their husbands are
controlling, and all the husbands said their
wives are crazy.
Now you don't hear that as much.
Now it's just everybody's a narcissist, it's
really kind of the term du jour.
And you keep hearing that term being thrown
around, but what is really the truth about
narcissists?
What are the myths about the whole thing with
narcissism?
And the first one is that just because somebody
has a couple of traits that you might think
are narcissistic, you draw the conclusion
that person is a narcissist.
So remember that we all in some ways have
narcissistic traits in the sense that all
of us, if you call it that, but all of us
want to feel seen, heard, and know that we
matter.
We all want that, that's part of the human
experience.
If you are a homosapien walking around on
the planet you want to feel seen, heard, and
know that you matter.
And that's why I called my book Negotiate
Like You Matter, and matter is actually the
acronym for how to negotiate, because it's
so important for all people to feel like they're
seeing, to feel like they matter.
So that does not make you a narcissist if
you feel that way.
Remember it's on a continuum, so it's when
it gets to a pathological state where a person
literally has no inner sense of value whatsoever,
they have to suck all of their value from
the external to the detriment of other people.
They'll step on people, they don't care who
they're stepping on, it will suck supply out
of them, move on to the next source.
They use people, they don't actually care
about people, they don't have any empathy,
they can pretend that they do, but in the
end they really don't.
And they say that it's 6% of the world's population
has actually narcissistic personality disorder.
It may be more than that because how do you
know?
But they say that it's about 6%.
But then another 3.3% of the population lacks
empathy, or is sociopathic, or actually exhibits
even more malignant traits than just regular
garden variety narcissism.
And that's where the people really just can't
even be rehabilitated into learning how to
love, or learning how to care about another
person.
So one of the biggest myths is as soon as
somebody says something that appears to be
narcissistic or whatever, you draw a conclusion,
then you're obviously a narcissist.
But that's not it, you have to take a much
deeper look into what's actually going on
with that person to decide whether or not
they actually have narcissistic personality
disorder.
Okay, the second myth is that narcissists
have feelings too.
Narcissists do have feelings, but the feelings
that they have for people are very different
than the types of feelings that regular people
have for people.
Their feelings are all tied up into themselves
and how does this impact me?
What am I getting out of this situation?
They're sort of arrested development like
toddlers or three-year-olds who they might
have an attachment to you, but they can't
really go beyond that.
And their attachment is more wrapped up in
what they need from you, or what they want
from you, or what they're getting from you.
It's again, that narcissistic supply.
And if you haven't watched my video on narcissistic
supply, I highly recommend that you check
that out.
So just remember that narcissists are just
really wired completely differently than the
rest of us.
And if you are so ready to say goodbye to
that narcissist give me a buh-bye.
The third myth is that narcissists are actually
born that way.
They actually aren't.
All the studies that I've read have said that
the narcissists actually were born normal
and whatever, and they were developing in
a normal way, but something happened to them
during their childhood which caused them to
not be able to care about others, to cause
them to feel that they have no inner sense
of value, that something is wrong with them.
And so the only way that they can get anything
in life is by manipulating people, lying to
people, and doing all the things that they
do in order to get that narcissistic supply
and try to get that feeling of external value
in them.
So they weren't born that way, they became
that way sometime in their childhood.
Okay, the next myth is that narcissists believe
that they're better than everyone.
They act like they believe that they're better
than everyone, but they're actually just kind
of putting on this whole facade, this big
suit almost to try to look good to the world
and they want you to believe that they're
better than them.
But the reason why they treat people badly
is because inside they actually feel worthless.
Inside they actually feel they have no sense
of value, but it's all very, very subconscious.
And you can't fix it, you can't love them
back to health, so don't even think that you
empats out there.
I know because I am one and I've been where
you are, there's nothing you can do to fix
it, but they actually don't feel better than
you, they feel worse than you and that's why
they try make it seem they're better.
They want you to believe that they're better
than you, but they don't actually feel that
way.
And the last myth is that narcissism can't
be overcome.
Well I mean, that's kind of a myth and it's
kind of a truth to be honest with you.
Because when I spoke to Doctor Romany about
this I actually point blank asked her if narcissism
was something that could be rehabilitated?
And she said is that narcissists can change
if they are willing to change, but narcissists
don't generally work with psychologists to
try to work on changing.
They can't really learn how to feel for another
person.
They can't really be taught how to have empathy.
That part of their brain is just wired different
and it can't be fixed.
They can learn.
However, what proper behavior is, what they
are supposed to be doing in order to make
themselves look good or to have people actually
want to be around them, or if they want to
save their marriage or something like that
they can at least learn how to go through
the motions of what a caring person would
look like, but they can't really, really be
rehabilitated.
So those are the myths of narcissism and some
things to stop thinking about narcissists.
If you're getting ready to negotiate with
a narcissist make sure to grab my free Crush
My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, don't walk
into a negotiation without it.
I've had so many people say how much it has
been helpful for them, so you need to grab
that.
Just go to winmynegotiation.com or you can
get it at the link below.
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So thanks so much for stopping by my channel
today, I'm so glad that you're here, and I
will see you in the next video.
Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating
your best life.
