*Wahpoosh* Top of the mornin to you, soldier! My name is Captain JackSepticEye :D
And welcome to Wooden Battles, which I assume is just well looking at it
It's literally just wooden soldier tabs totally accurate battle simulator, and I'm fine with that because I love these types of games now
uhm, so I don't think I need to do tutorial because I think I
I basically know how this game is going to work, so I just want to go straight into missions and do a mission one, please
Right we have our dudes here that we need to fight. Oh look at them steely determination in their blue balls well
I'm gonna give them blue balls
Victory blue balls because they are not going to win AGAINST US! IS THAT RIGHT SOLDIERS? *Weird voice* RIGHTT
Thanks appreciate it. Okay. I don't know how many they have
Uhm... Is this, is this them?
Whoa! :O
Okay! I can actually make *silence*
That's cool, okay, maybe I didn't know this stuff is in it so maybe tutorial would work for this um. I'm gonna do this
Can I can I turn the camera?
Ah there we go I'm going to give you guys like a little chest high wall like most video games
so we have a defense fund as well as having a
Okay, I have a defense fund as well as having an offense fund
Dododooo
Uhm...
I don't know what else to do. I don't know how I like block you guys from doing anything to me.
Ok, fuck this. Let's just start placing down some...
Cannons, I can actually rotate guys in this as well
Shit, I can only put down one. Okay. What are you? I want to know what you are, MUSKETOON!
That's a fucking great name musketoon! A MEDIC and a rocket man. Okay. I can't afford a rocket man, I can afford a medic
Let's put a medic. SCREW THIS, et's just fight and see what happens. Oh god. I basically just fucked my own guys. :(
Oh maaan! :(
MEDIC, HEAL!
MEDICCCC!
No, that's not fucking working AT ALL. Oh no. NO they destroyed my barrier!
Okay, let's start again. Let's clear our units and lets just...
Snipers! >:D
Snipers! Oh my god you may still have your dicks in your hands. Oh my god. The little legs go everywhere!
That's horrifying!!!!!!!! :O
Okay, let's just fucking do this... GO MEN!
FIGHT! KILL THEM ALL!
Aw that's not working very well now is it? :(
Okay, this site is doing pretty well, but they have a lot of guys left over here
COME ON! >:(
(hello from a random person doing captions)
UM, do my guys have hands of asses or something, is that what's happening?
They fucking suck. Let's put in three rocket men and see what happens.
Well... Okay, let's let's maybe do that again?
But have you suck a little less dick this time. There's a small bit less
Here you go here you go, NICE. These are the good chunk of them, though! :D
I'd say that's about 60% to 80% coverage
I need to fucking figure out what I'm doing. This one's gonna work!
I believe in this one this one has the potential for your lads! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN KILLED ANYONE YET!
Whyyy is my accuracy absolute garbage when the blue teams is fucking amazing? >:(
I, I have no idea what's going on watch this my guys. Start shootin,
My guys all shout at once, hit nothing!
Wait wait, let let no let's just look at that again. Watch this!
They literally hit NOTHING!
Ye little red bastards! I'm gonna create a wall
That's what I'm gonna do and watch this shit
We're gonna have little like splices in the middle of where we can go
Maybe that'll protect my guys, maybe that's what I'm doing wrong
I want to put down like the rocket guys and see what happens I can put down three of them
And then like one of these
One of these, I just want to see what happens
Let's see that in an instant replay, let's see where your Rockets actually go. OH NOWW they hit some guys! Wait
Do you literally only have one rocket? Well you guys are fucking useless to me.
This is disastrous for my for my reputation and my name. Okay,
Ok here we go! Doesn't that look like a fucking squadron that wants to win. Why is there a big load of books back here?
OHHHH you're playing toy soldiers, I get it!
You're playing as like a child
Man I would love if you guys could fucking HIT SOMETHING!
Please please please for the love of fucking holy goalie! Yes, you're actually gonna win this one!
Jesus Christ the first shots literally do nothing I don't hit anything with them. I'm still not hitting anything
Praise the maker! Okay moving on. Oh no they have defenses. Wait I only have 200?
Ohh but I have 4,800 of this
Mmm
Okay
Okay, what if they just put a bunch of rocket men behind this, okay...
But I can't afford a whole lot now can I?
Just go, I just want to see what happens...
OH wait I have to walk towards you guys!
Okay, okay
Those weren't a bunch of snipers that come in handy right cuz I'd be able to shoot you from further away than they'll be able
to shoot me
Or not
What's the point of having snipers. Oh they have snipers, oh that makes sense, Ehe heh
Okay, as long as my guys. Just stay here and keep shootin.
Fellas no don't move up. No just pick them off one by one
You don't even need to try that hard . It's literally just aim and pull the trigger
This sniper over here though, I was worrying me he's gonna, he's gonna perk up eventually. He's gonna start nailing my dues boy
I'm hoping that I can take out all of them, and then by the time it comes to him
I just have all my guys. That's how it should work
I'll see you back in 15 hours
when this is done. I like how the medics are just kind of like looking around like what do we do?
What do we do what can we do?
I'll tell you what you can do lads nothing you can die in an honorable death if you want!
I really, hope you guys focus your attention on that sniper
Before it's too late like you keep shooting these guys. He's able to shoot you cuz sometimes that happens, and I fucking hate that
There you go, man. There you go man destroy them, DESTROY THEM!
*Evil voice* I got you in my sights.
*Normal Jackaboy* I am surprised that this worked
No, no, no, this is what I was afraid of
Kill him and now focus your attention on that sniper!
Oh, my guys are gonna die aren't they?
Cuz he has a  fuckin block in front of him! NOOOOOO!
SHOOT HIM!
OH YOU GENITIAL WARTS! Oh both snipers are down and I still have cannons!
Oh, Fuck yeah, my dude
Okay, cannons now and the cannons cannons cannons. Can you fire?
Yes, tell us to go to a whole load of them. I still love matchstick men coming up the back
YAY, this might work this time!
Cuz then the cannons took draw away from the sniper so my guys could take them out
Then you guys are going. Oh Jesus mother of fuck!
Ive, what what I'm hearing is more cannons, that's what that was always needed, but now we should work as the snipers are dead so okay?
See you get no 15 hours, I guess
One by one the soldiers fell one by one they fell to gun pity they didn't fall faster, though
That would be nice huh Oh Chuck my fucking ears
shoot dem damn shoot ah
Shoooot, okay. Medic is down. That's good, MEDIC. We need a medic for the medic
Well, you know you need a medic when you're dead okay, if you could destroy this it would make life a lot easier for you
Keep those shots coming there you go now, it should be clean sailing
Land each shot, okay, you missed cuz you suck go back to sniper training
nice
nice
What's the music in the background
*Jackaboy sings*
Like fuck
I was born at the start of playing this game. Oh, that's neat you can put sleepers up on top of the things ah
clever
Okay, I might do that. Can we just replicate what they did?
Think can I copy your homework. It's like yeah, but just change it up a little
What the fuck happened over here?
and
Is is there even a delete is there even a delete?
like
Probability oh I can just do this I guess
Okay that works
Are you actually physics based oh sweet
Ponytails
It's fine you fucking work with what garbage you're given, I guess
uhm...
Let's put some
Sneapers (Snipers) in there I'm gonna put three in mine. Okay. Let's see how this plays out at least
No walking. Why are you do the walk?
Well might fucking Canon tried to hit the Titanic out in the Atlantic.
Oh mother of God one cannon shot and we are deadzo!
And another cannon shot and, oh we're still alive.
Could you Oh for fuck's sake can we actually delete delete' cell unit
OOH well that doesn't fucking work now because I okay at least now I know I can do it
I had another cannon
Don't know where it went, but I didn't get the coins for it so let's let's restart and wait restart and keep units
I, I, I restart and kept units but they're gone! I LOVE THIS GAME! Alright. I have no idea if this is gonna work
but we'll try it out anyway
right is my cannon dead already. No. It's not okay. Go. Go. Go. Go good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Yes
Okay, they still have a lot of guys over there though. Ah where's my cannon shooting
What are you doing are you guys literally just shooting the fucking wooden blocks?
That's actually a thing that can happen is that you just shoot wooden blocks okay? Hopefully the fucking snipers can take out this douchebag
Come on come on he's going to kill you he's going to kill you dead
Shoot him
Sham oh
Why why did they attack the block I mean, it's a good movie, but why do you attack the blocks?
The blocks are not combatants. Oh, don't tell you if you fall oh
my fucking Jesus oh
my god
you really like you're rid of that get rid of that and get rid of that at least this way if you'd come off the
Edge, you won't fucking die there. We go. Maybe this Lord who even knows at this point. Why guys attack blocks?
They don't know shit is not working
Okay, they still have big cannons the cannons are the problem hit the comments here the calyx I
Will murder you
He's just talking fuck honorable to the face to do anything about it oh
I know you're shooting blocks oh
You didn't even get killed by the can you got killed by the cannon block, and then to kill you
Can you can you kill it kill it?
Where it's a little too late for that now isn't it captain
This motherfuckers gonna, you know let's just do this
It's representing a bunch of riflemen to distract
My hope is to kill all of these guys
At least the cannons and these these four
You need you need to be taken out the cannons. Don't you listen here captain. I'm getting very very angry oh
Nice you hit the block and he killed him, okay, I need just one sniper alive if I stop shooting blocks were you gone
What technical advantage unfair?
Okay, can you can you can you can you deal? Can you deal deal or no deal fellas?
Wait I think I'm for my flag
Wait is that a thing you can do
Um hello
No. No. NO
It's just a world of hurt right now, okay, I wonder if if stalling my guys will work actually
If I just start laying blocks everywhere
Maybe they'll actually just attack the block and not me, okay good :D
Happy happy happy campers
And then I have 900 back here for just for 800 DAMNNNN >:(
But a last sniper back here now go see what happens
Hoping this distracts and
Like okay snipers are all day. That's very very good
Now if you can take out the cannons yes
Take out that can take out that cannon don't take out my snipers I need them
Come on my yes
that is the shit oh, my
fucking god they died
Okay my snipers should just be able to take out the rest of it
Okay, why did they die and you guys didn't make some fucking sense?
See guys just keep attacking than the blocks that they put down there the biggest enemy
You know when people are talking about World War 3 happening
It's it's never about how many nukes someone has it's always about how many blocks they have
Good job
But I should win now because I have the upper hand and distance
Ie love that the cannons hit the blocks and the blocks go flying and kill those guys
That is sensational one more counter block. Okay fuck off then
One more cannon one more cannon do it yeah?
That my fellows is what smell it
Throw that that's what victory smells like okay
Right we leave this episode of wooden battles here before I pop a blood vessel in my head and just not want to continue anymore
Kind of frustrating some of the mechanics of it a little all over the place and the way the way the AI is work
It's not as good as taps
But tabs was the original kind of game that inspires these types of things but oh
Still a fun game to play when you actually figure out how stuff works
And you get everything to flow nicely it does feel very
Satisfying so I might come back and play more I might not I don't know you you guys let me know but for now
THANK YOU GUYS so much for watching this video of it, if you LIKED IT, PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE, LIKE A BOSSSSSS
AND, high fives all around, *WAHPOOSH* *WAHPOOSH*
THANK YOU GUYS AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES, IN THE NEXT VIDEOOOOOOO
*Dancing Sam Outro* :D
English subtitles done by Lol_Lakitu, and other random people
*Jackaboy sings*
