Hi, everybody.
I'm so glad that you're here today
and join me and my guest, Dan Adams,
whom I will introduce
to you in just a moment.
September is National
Suicide Prevention Month
in the United States.
And this week, September 6th to 12th
is actually National
Suicide Prevention Week.
And it encompasses September 10th,
which is World Suicide Prevention Day.
And this is a campaign
both in the United States
and around the world to
inform and engage people
about suicide prevention,
make sure that people
know the warning signs,
make sure that they are talking about it.
And it's a time to just really focus in
on this major concern
of hurting people all around us.
Of course, this is very,
very personal to me and my family.
Most of you know that my
27-year-old son Matthew
took his life 7 and a half
years ago after living
with serious mental illness
for most of his life.
And in the years since,
I have talked to hundreds
and hundreds of people
who have either lost someone
to suicide or they themselves,
are someone who lives
with suicidal thoughts
and maybe they've attempted,
and there's really just
so much pain out there.
One of the most vulnerable
groups I've come
to learn is young adults ages 15 to 24,
and suicide is the number two killer
of young people in this age group.
And there's some evidence,
growing body of evidence that the stress
of COVID-19 is actually increasing
the mental health struggles
of people in that age group.
There is an increase,
I've heard of increases in
with calls to the hotlines,
visits to emergency
rooms with with attempts.
Just heard this week of our
local children's hospital
that serves children up to
age 17 or 18 is an increase.
And sometimes the summer months,
there's a decrease at least around here.
But this summer,
it's not true if they are flooding in into
that hospital with very serious attempts.
And it's really a brutal time.
And many of us who have lost someone
to suicide have such an intense
connection with this topic.
And many of us have launched
our own personal crusades if you will,
to make sure that people
are talking about suicide,
they're talking about prevention,
making sure that it's a
common topic of conversation.
That it's not taboo,
that it's not off limits,
that we can really,
really engage with people on it.
But unfortunately talking
just about statistics or
using explicit language
or telling graphic stories
really hasn't proven
to be particularly effective in reducing
the number of suicides.
That number in the
United States is actually
increasing every year.
So far from making a dent or
even stabilizing that number,
that number keeps going up.
So some of what we're doing in prevention
isn't that effective.
So I've been on a search for ways
to actually prevent suicide attempts,
maybe reduce the amount
of suicidal ideation
that people are experiencing.
And hadn't been particularly
satisfied with it,
because like I said,
the numbers just keep going up.
But a couple of years ago I was introduced
to a program called Sources
of Strength that I love.
It's one of the few
evidence-based prevention programs
that's used in schools.
And it's been proven to reduce the risk
of suicide with some of the
students who participate
in the program and to increase
their protective factors
that help students stay stabilized
and maybe not even have
those thoughts as often,
or that they won't act on them.
And I love Sources of Strengths' approach,
and that's why I've invited Dan Adams
to be with us today.
Dan is the Director of Training
for Sources of Strength.
It's a strength-based upstream,
and he'll explain that to you,
suicide prevention program.
He has a Master's Degree
in Religious Studies
from the University of
Cape Town in South Africa.
He's a member of the Faith
Communities Task Force
of the Action Alliance
for Suicide Prevention.
And he's a board member
of the Suicide Prevention
Coalition of Colorado.
Dan lives in Denver, Colorado,
a very lucky man with his wife,
Tanya and his children, excuse me, Tanya,
and his children, Jack and Lexi.
So Dan welcome.
We are so glad that you're with us today.
And I always think of you as wearing a hat
and you've met my expectations
today, you've got your hat.
And I want you to just start
off by telling us a
little bit about yourself,
about Sources of Strength
and what makes it different
from other suicide prevention efforts.
- Yeah, thank you for having me Kay,
and for that lovely introduction,
but also setting the stage of this moment
that we're in, which
is really challenging.
And Sources of Strength is
passionate about in moments
of crisis or adversity
that the human capacity
for resilience of
overcoming that adversity
and pushing back with strengths
and assets that we
already have in our life,
to be able to find ways to cope,
and find our way around
adversity or through adversity so
that we can overcome.
Whether it's related to suicide,
as we're talking about this month
with a National Suicide Prevention Month
and that initiative, or whether
it's with other major crises
that we're experiencing
socially in our lives.
This pandemic has exposed
many of the fault lines
of the services that are
available and the way
that we connect as a
culture and a society from
increases in substance use disorders
increases in violence or abuse.
But also an increase in
conversations about coping
and how we get through those things.
So at Sources of Strength,
as you mentioned one of our passions
is to share stories of hope, help,
and strength and to try
and avoid widespread
public messaging of sad,
shock and trauma.
We live in an age of sickness right now.
We know that things
spread through networks,
things like illness or a virus.
We know that other social factors
like suicidality have the capacity
to spread through networks,
those behaviors and beliefs and norms
and how we deal with adversity
can spread through network.
But the amazing thing is
that hope and help seeking
and strengths can also
ripple through networks.
Things like generosity and altruism.
Things like help seeking from
trusted adults and believing
that adults can be
helpful for young people
when they're experiencing a crisis.
These things can ripple
through social networks
and create waves of strength.
And so one of the things
we're really passionate
about is empowering students
and staff and communities
and faith-based communities
across this country
and in a few other countries
to really tell those stories.
Because when we turn on the news
and read what's going on
in our lives right now,
we're bombarded by risk
data and death data
and all the crises that we're facing.
But in the midst of all
those moments, excuse me,
there are also a really
powerful stories of connection
and of resilience and of overcoming.
And so our program really
is designed to work
with schools primarily,
but also wider to tell
those stories because they
are really powerful prevention
and they're good medicine
to tell stories of strength.
And you mentioned that
kind of upstream approach
that we take to prevention.
And a lot of people
in the field have probably
heard of it before
of upstream prevention.
But if you there's a story that goes along
with that of a river that
runs through a valley
and then over a waterfall,
near that waterfall's edge is a village.
And the woman who takes a daily
walk along the river's edge.
And one day she's walking,
she hears a person
conduct the stream about
to go over the waterfall.
And so she dives into
action, takes action,
swims out in the river, grabs this person,
brings them back to shore, perform CPR.
It's a heroic event that the
whole village celebrates.
But day after day there are
more and more young people,
young or old in that river
about to go over the waterfall.
So they mobilize as any community would
and build watchtowers and train lifeguards
and have people at the river's edge 24/7.
And they're able to save a lot of people
from that crisis moment.
But they're not able to save everyone.
There's some that are difficult to see,
or they come under the
surface of the water
or they come at night and
they can't be identified.
And so burdened by this reality,
the woman starts to walk up stream
and he has a little freak out panic moment
where they say, where are you going?
We need all hands on deck.
You started this work.
And she says, I'm gonna go upstream
to see if I can't prevent some people
from falling in the
river in the first place.
Or can we put up some signs that say,
"Hey, watch out river ahead.
Don't fall in."
Or can we identify what
is causing people to fall
in the river so commonly.
Or can we also train
young and old human beings
to identify when they're
in that river of crisis
and how to swim to shore and get out.
And so that's what Sources
is really passionate about.
Our primary mission is to
do upstream prevention,
to build protective factors
like trust towards adults
and emotional regulation
and coping strategies
and early help seeking.
That it's a sign of bravery
and courage to ask for help,
not a sign of weakness.
That we all need to do it
and be interdependent on each other.
We do those things really well,
we'll see less crisis at
that waterfall moment downstream.
That's really our passion,
that's what the science
is bearing out to be true.
We also try to have an impact
at that intervention moment.
Because as you shared
personally, from your life,
there are a lot of people
that have sat along
that waterfall's edge
with their loved ones,
with their community,
holding on for dear life,
trying to save lives and
who have also lost folks.
And so we really believe
that empowering young people
and empowering your staff
and empowering your
peers to be connectors,
to help and agents of change
in that space as well.
That we can change the
culture of what it means
to connect a friend to help,
when you know they're struggling.
Because we know there are really
prevalent codes, excuse me,
in that secrecy and silence that exists,
that prevent people from asking for help.
So we'll talk a little bit
more I'm sure about that.
How do we ask for help,
but that's really critical intervening
and connecting to help
when someone is in crisis.
And then we're also really passionate
about after a loss or a death,
which we really all at this moment are in.
Lots of grieving moments,
whether it's the loss
of school as we know it,
or the loss of the ability to work,
or the loss of loved ones,
whether it's suicide related
or otherwise, or COVID related.
We know it's important to have
space to talk about grief,
but also the strengths in that moment
that are getting me through it.
How have you bounced back?
How have you recovered from adversity?
What are you using right now
to say even though people are struggling,
people are getting through
it the best they can.
And there's a lot of really beautiful,
magical moments of resilience
happening with that.
All of that long story
short boils down to-
- Okay, I got to stop you, wait,
I just have to stop you,
I talked about this ahead of time,
that I might interject myself.
- That's all right.
- Dan, there are moments in your life
that you really remember,
and you can remember because
they're either really happy
or they're really sad,
or there was just something
momentous or whatever,
they're just these
moments that we remember.
I think I will always remember the moment
I first heard you share
that waterfall story.
I don't know why I'd
never heard it before,
I'd been in trying to help
with people suicide prevention.
I think I first met you two years ago.
So five years I had already
been doing what I could
as a non-professional in this space.
But when you shared
that about the waterfall
and all my efforts up to
that point had been
sitting at the waterfall,
the years that I spent
trying to keep my son
from going over the waterfall.
The years that I worked with other people.
The standing alongside
families who were trying
to pull their loved ones
out of the water repeatedly.
And when you shared
that visual of upstream,
it makes me emotional every
single time because it was,
I had that epiphany of this is right.
This is not just, "Oh,
this makes a good story."
This is right.
This is good.
We've got to have people
at the waterfall always
because there will always be
people who slipped through
and they're gonna go over.
It always, always, always,
always need great services
and help at the edge
of the waterfall and we
need them for afterwards.
But why aren't we putting
more effort, more time,
more intentionality, more
research, more creativity,
more passion upstream.
Why aren't we addressing the factors
that are leading people to
jump into that stupid river
in the first place?
And so the epiphany that I had
when I first heard you express that was,
that's what I wanna do.
That's what I wanna be about.
That's where I wanna put my energies
in suicide prevention.
Yes, I will always care
about the crisis moments, always, always,
but if there's a way to keep more people
from getting in that river
and heading over those falls, good grief,
we have to do that.
And so without even knowing
much from there, it was like,
"Okay, I believe in this,
I am on board with this.
This is really good."
And I don't get tired of hearing it.
I don't get tired of hearing that story.
I've heard it many times since then.
Now from you and other people,
and I never get tired of it because
it just feels so logical, so irrefutable,
that there must be more
effort put right there.
So carry on, but just thank you.
I had to just say how
much that means to me,
how much I believe in this.
- That's really powerful
and especially given your lived experience
and having lost a family member,
you're the one who also
introduced me to thinking
about all the folks who have spent many,
many years by that water's edge in pain
and also in hope for their loved ones.
And that is so critical as you say,
we need more and better
and more well distributed
mental health services
and diagnostic tools and
psychiatric facilities
that can help people
when they're in crisis.
We need more services of
people to respond when there
is loss and grief.
But as you say,
one of the critical elements
has just been overlooked,
is what's happening before the crisis
that is leading people.
And sometimes it's not
just they're jumping in,
but they're being pushed.
- Yes, right, depression.
- There are mental health disparities,
which is just a clean way of saying
that white supremacy has
privileged certain bodies
over others in terms of who
gets the help they need.
- Yes.
- But also we really believe
we can't prevent the mass amount
of deaths that are
happening due to suicide
and other related issues by talking
about death all the time.
- Right.
- It might be important to use
those statistics and numbers
of we're trying to convince
policy makers or administrators
or town officials that
suicide is a problem
that we have and that we need
to address it constructively
and strategically,
but we gotta be able to talk
about life, what leads to life.
And so there's a Gunderson and Cochrane
are two public health
scholars and theologians
that have written a book.
And they coined this phrase
of the leading causes of life,
that it's so much in public health.
And in prevention,
we talk about the leading causes of death,
but we don't talk about the
leading causes of life enough.
What leads to life, where
is it breaking forth?
How do we encourage it?
How do we celebrate it?
How do we bolster things
that have the consequence
of people experienced in life as a way
of pushing back against
early deaths for folks
to their death came too soon for them,
or they were unable to win the fight
they had been fighting for most
of their life in terms of mental health.
And so that's one of the things
we're really passionate about.
We do that really simply
through this wheel of strength
that you've seen before.
This is the core of everything we do.
Mark LoMurray, our founder and director
when he was creating Sources of Strength
was working with a lot of
indigenous communities,
native communities in North Dakota,
was inspired by the medicine
wheel and holistic wellbeing
that we can't just do
suicide prevention that
only focuses on mental health.
Especially in rural areas
with massive opportunity
deserts and access to
mental health resources.
That can't be the only piece,
it's an important one.
We need better services
and continue to support
and resource our current providers.
But health and wellbeing is so dependent
on so many other factors
in our life like family support.
Whether that's your immediate,
you're born into family,
the family you've created,
or the family that you
choose, or that chooses you.
Some people experienced family rejection
that can be really damaging,
but they can also experience
family acceptance again
or through reconnection
with chosen family,
positive friendships in our
lives that people are authentic
and show up and care for us.
And who really are there for
us in tough times, mentors,
we know that having a trusted adult
is really the number one
protective factor or one
of the most protective
factors for young people.
And particularly for specific groups that
are at higher risk for LGBTQ+ youth,
having one accepting
adult reduces the chances
of suicide attempt by 40%,
just having one adult who cares.
We know healthy activities and acts
of generosity build the
spirit and give us resilience.
It's like getting in into the hope gym
or the resilience gym
that we build muscles.
And resistance to adversity.
Pamela End of Horn,
who you may know from Indian
Health Services and sits
on the National Task Force.
I said the other day in a meeting that
when working with native youth,
really to say resilience
is an act resistance,
not only to adversity, but
to a forms of oppression,
to attempt to annihilate
an entire people group.
That being resilient
is a form of resistance
and is an active process.
It's not a passive one.
And so generosity, spirituality
and all its form, places,
people, practices,
and then the more institutional
ones have physical health
and mental health, the two
sides of the same coins,
our bodies and our brains
and how they relate.
And so this is at the
core of everything we do.
And we're really passionate
about sharing that story
and giving that tool
to students, to staff,
to communities to tell their story.
That sources model is not that we come in
and share all our expert insights,
but hopefully create a space for people
to tell their stories.
And the more you tell
your story of strength,
the more it becomes internalized.
That it becomes a part of who you are not
that I'm an at risk youth,
which is a misnomer,
and pins young people
to be just the sum total
of the risky environment
they've grown up in.
But that they're high
opportunity, high potential youth,
that they've experienced
adversity and they are strong
and they know that about themselves.
And they also have a
language to describe what
are the strengths that have helped.
And so we love to start from that place
of what are the assets you already have,
what's working for you.
If it's in terms of anger management,
that moment you actually
stopped being violent and angry
and got control to start from there.
What did you do right there?
How did you get yourself under control?
Let's work backwards from that and to say,
how do we use those skills earlier?
And more often when it comes
to mental health crisis,
people have lots of ways
of coping with adversity.
How do we capitalize on those
and spread them across the community?
Yeah.
- Oh no, I love it.
I've been trying to do what I could
to get Sources of
Strength in Orange County,
where I live in some of the high schools
have not been successful so far,
but I haven't given up on that.
- We do.
I don't know, I forgot to call you.
But with the pediatric
psychiatry unit of the hospital,
we're working on a contract with them
right now to bring resources in,
I think the CARES Act had funded them
with some money that-
- Oh, that makes me so happy.
That makes me so happy.
That is great.
But, well, so until then
just in the last year,
there were a couple of high school groups,
a couple, two different high
schools where I live had
asked if I would come and talk to,
they have like a Christian
club or whatever,
and they wanted me to talk
about mental health and suicide.
And I had like all of, I don't know,
13 minutes or something
during their lunch break.
And so I brought the wheel.
I said, listen, there's
this amazing program
that I hope comes to
your school eventually,
but until then, I wanna
show you this wheel.
And so I did just this little pitch about,
and just had them quickly just say, okay,
so following some of the things
that I've seen you guys do,
you name two of these, maybe that,
you already feel like I
got some strength here.
This is a resource in my back
pocket based on the eight,
and then maybe identify a couple of places
where you think maybe I
need to shore up those two.
Maybe I don't feel as strong
right there in that one.
And they were captivated
just in those 13 minutes
with talking about identifying strengths
that they already had in their life.
And so I've seen it just in
tiny little microcosm place
of it being effective in increasing,
even the conversation they had.
Looking at themselves through the,
not all my deficits,
not all of what is wrong in my life.
But here's another way,
here are also the things
that are going well
or that are going okay.
And I can hold on to these
and use these in rough times.
And then also I said,
just remind each other.
You're talking to your friend
and your friend is feeling, and hey,
remember that old lady who
brought that colored wheel thing
to school the other day.
And remember how we
identified that you have,
and so I've just seen it
in that tiny little way
of being great.
- Yeah, I think what you
speak to is one the simplicity
of it that it helps bring out
what's already there in life.
Two, that it acts like a mirror.
That very often as adults,
we can feel the urge
to tell young people what the strengths
we see in them of like,
no, you're really good at this,
or you're good at that,
but their self-understanding
might start from a place of,
"I got none of this.
I got nothing.
My life has been tough.
My family is broken.
My friends have betrayed me.
Nobody loves me."
And to do work with this
wheel of strength can
often be a mirror to reflect back,
actually given the chance
to tell the stories
and to dig deep into my lived experience.
I can see these moments of
resilience and strength.
That then become self-actualizing
and build efficacy to say,
I am strong in the midst
of all the test stuff,
risky environments I've
grown up in I have strength.
And to come have that come from
the voice of the individual,
rather than placed on them by a teacher
or a parent is really powerful.
So we try to create those
spaces for that kind
of self-actualizing.
- I love it.
I love the way you reframed
an at risk care to a high potential.
- Yeah.
That's one of my colleagues
just to give proper sourcing,
Matt Hofmeister who you
used a social worker used
to work for us St. Valley School
District here in Colorado,
now works for our team.
He reframed that for us, that
so often we use this language
of at risk youth that
just pigeonholes them
to be the sum total of
their risky environment.
And we know that those kids
are often the most resilient,
and it's not to fetishize
the resilience of people
who have been oppressed.
We need to change those systems,
not just glorify the resilience,
but also we need to start from a place
of look at the creativity,
the innovation and the dynamic
nature of coping that comes
from folks who've grown
up in tough situations
and the risky environment.
Doesn't doom people to negative outcomes.
There are things that
we know mitigate risk
and help boost protective factors to lead
to thriving for everyone.
Yeah.
- I love it, I love it, I love it.
I'm telling you.
I just, I like, I love it so much.
It is so positive.
And as somebody who my natural temperament
in the Winnie-the-Pooh
school of personality,
I'm Eeyore, I have always been Eeyore,
I will probably die an Eeyore,
but my natural bent is
to seeing what's wrong,
to see what needs to change,
to see what's deficient,
to see what's lacking.
And yeah, it also gets all
mixed in with the Enneagram.
I'm a one on the Enneagram.
- You wanna reform it,
you wanna change it.
- Yes.
I can always spot what's wrong.
So this is so good for me
'cause it counters maybe the,
my natural approach to send the interest,
but in such a way that
doesn't feel Pollyanna to me.
It doesn't feel like,
"Hey, let's just smack
on a happy face on top
of all of this and keep going."
It actually feels real.
And I think that's what
I respect about it.
- Yeah, yeah.
I think you hit,
you say something important
there that there is a danger
in just toxic positivity
of everything's gonna be all right.
That doesn't match up to a lot
of people's reality, especially currently,
that everything's just
going to be all right.
But there is a way we can train our brains
to start to scan even the toughest
of environments for the good
stuff in the midst of it.
And how are you drawing on that to be,
do become incredibly
resilient in the face of what,
which I think is one of
the opportunities right now
is that it is a conversation about coping
is universal right now.
Not only in our nation, in the world,
people are talking about
how are they coping
with what's going on?
'Cause it's not ending anytime
soon on an ongoing basis.
How are we coping them?
We've heard from some folks anecdotally
that people have been wrestling
with long-term mental health diagnoses
are feeling validated by that.
That other people are now
struggling and they're talking
about and being vulnerable
about what's helping them
and getting therapy and the ways
that they're coping.
And that tells a story
that says to other folks
who have been struggling
with mental health concerns
or crises for a long time
and living with those
that there's hope.
And that other people-
- That's really good.
And I think you're right.
I hadn't thought of it,
but just the way you said
that I do believe the
conversation has shifted
from our maybe normal.
"Hi, how are you?"
To, "Hi, how are you coping?"
It's like we just even
bypass the, how are you?
We almost assume now that
everybody's struggling.
- Yeah.
- And just assuming
everybody's struggling,
it's not just hard, but it's like,
what are you doing to get through?
How are you coping?
How are you handling this?
And that is a switch that
is really a change at this pitch.
And I can see how that
would be as you say,
very validating for people who live with
a normal chronic state of not
feeling great all the time.
I wanna ask you a couple
of questions specific kind
of to COVID-19 and then
I want you to Sources
of Strength has developed
this incredible little 30 page
or 29 or 30 page something called
resources for practicing strength at home
that I think is so intensely practical.
But I wanna just ask you a couple
of questions first about just
even so physical separation
is being encouraged.
We're all being encouraged
to stay a little bit separate,
a little bit away, the mask,
all that for our physical health.
But like we just said,
we know that that kind of separation
is not good for our mental health,
especially over a long period of time.
So what are some things
that not even necessarily
just related to students,
but just anybody watching this,
what are some things
that some of us can do
drawing on what we know of
Sources of Strength principles
to cope with that physical separation
and caring for mental health?
- Yeah, I know as you say,
we know the COVID pandemic,
there's a modern civil
rights movement happening
and there's an economic recession
or depression that's happening.
These all negatively affect
people's mental health
and have created new kinds of barriers.
There are already barriers that existed
for people accessing help when needed,
but it has increased those
divides and barriers in
some ways around mental illness
and substance use disorders in particular.
And it's shone a spotlight
on some of the fault lines
and inequalities in America
that school closures and social
isolation have affected just all students,
but particularly students of color,
black indigenous and students of color
and those living in poverty,
have added damage to the way that we learn
and to our mental health
crises in the United States.
But there are some signs also of hope
in the midst of that, of connection.
And I love that you use the phrase
physical distancing rather
than social distancing.
That even though we're being asked
to be physically distant from each other,
we can still really be
socially connected in lots
of different ways and it's
highlighting the need.
If you pull that out,
we see the absence and we
appreciate physical connection
so much more than we ever have before,
but it also is getting
people to be really creative
about social connection and ways
that they can do distancing
measures while still trying
to reduce that isolation.
And so we are hardwired for connection
as human beings, our
bodies and our brains,
we crave connection.
And right now is a heightened
vulnerability that can
increase health problems for folks.
And we don't know what the
longterm impact will be,
but some of the creative ways
we've been thinking about it.
And then we've been seeing
and hearing people is
that virtual connection is increased.
And people had a boost
in energy of using Zoom
and having happy hours or
get together or study groups
that we can still powerfully
connect with people
in this medium.
We developed a whole
resource for our trainers
and for our adults at schools
about humanizing this Zoom Room,
how do you humanize this space
that can be really disembodied?
You only see people, do people
even have bodies anymore?
- Are we literally just
talking heads, are we really-
- Yeah, and we need to embody disembodied.
That we have the opportunity
for people to bring artifacts
from their life into virtual spaces.
That we can still use
our cameras and our faces
to connect and to smile.
And there's been research to show,
even though a lot of people get down on
social media and digital
uses of communication
that we can get the
same neurological boosts
in our brain from actual
connection virtually whether
that's posting on someone
else's social media post,
or through messaging or texting,
interacting with each other really
has a positive neurological effect.
And can through MRIs
still have the same kind
of benefit to our brains and bodies.
Whereas opposed if you're
just scrolling through
social media posts,
there is some negative effect
that can happen in terms
of social comparison and envy.
But if we're still genuinely
connecting via text
and message and video and
seeing each other's faces,
that can be really powerful.
As well as practicing
all of these strengths,
getting out side where possible
to exercise to be out in nature.
We've been hearing lots of stories
of people having a renewed
sense of the lived world
of the earth of nature and being in it
that not all loneliness
leads to depression.
That it can be transformed
into a sense of solitude
or a deep connection that transcends
those boundaries of separation.
And so we really are encouraging
people to double down
on creative ways to connect,
people doing kind of
positive ding dong ditches,
showing up to a friend's house
and dropping off supplies.
We've seen the smallest acts
of generosity and connection,
really spark joy and hope and
thriving in people's lives.
And so we're passionate about how do we do
that creatively and how we do
that across the whole system.
Because as you say, with
the separation that has come
with physical distancing,
we've lost a lot of the
natural social infrastructure
that typically takes place.
As a parent, I drop my kid off at school.
I connect in traditional times,
I connect with the other
parents, we become friends.
My son starting kindergarten this week.
So you start to make
friends with other parents.
The kids relate to each other.
We start to build community
through this informal and
formal social infrastructure.
Now a lot of the normal ways that we bump
into human beings in the hallway
or at the grocery store
have been temporarily
hopefully limited and
there's barriers to it,
but we've also seen really
creative ways that people
are rebuilding that social infrastructure.
And so to keep imagining
that for each community,
how are we still connecting
beyond the separation and thinking
about each other and taking care
and compassion for each other.
- I wanna just because I
saw in the last two weeks,
this document that you all have created at
sources at home that I think
are so intensely practical,
that kind of build on all of the things
that you just said takes
a lot of those principles
and puts it into practical application.
And I know you've got some
for elementary school age
and some for older teens or families.
So just kind of walk us through this.
The link is there in the chat
where people can find Sources of Strength,
the webpage and then download this.
And this is a free resource.
This is a downloadable.
So you guys, I cannot
tell you strongly enough
how valuable this is on
Sources of Strength page.
Did you see it there it's,
the at home under general Sources
of Strength activities, it's that at home.
So Dan, just walk us
through some of the parts
that you really like about that,
that you think people can put in practice.
- Yeah.
So just to give you a history
of why we created this
document to not only
to meet the moment,
but we had a school
district here in Colorado,
Jefferson County School District,
large school district that
was doing food pickups for
students during a tough time
when there's food insecurity
and people have lost their jobs,
we're in the middle of
the an economic crisis.
And they said they were
already running sources
in their schools.
And they asked can't we produce a document
for families at home?
Just that people are feeling overwhelmed,
they may not have the
skills or the tools just
to talk to their kids about strength
and resilience in this moment.
And so we developed this resource.
It should be useful for anyone,
even if they've never
been through a Sources
of Strength training before
to have conversations.
So if you scroll down,
it's got a whole bunch of
resources to use at home,
a letter from our kind of
founder and executive director,
introducing you to the
wheel and each strength.
But then it breaks down really
simple tools and practices
to have conversations
about strengths at home.
Around the dinner table,
recipes for strength you might say,
you could cook a meal
and chat with your child
or your student, how to have fun,
how to acknowledge hard times,
and be vulnerable as an adult to share,
but don't overshare.
And so each of these little pieces here
as a conversation around
that particular strength.
A check-in prompts that you
could have a conversation about,
an activity you could do together,
a way you could practice gratitude
for that strength that you have.
And then a whole host of
other really simple prompts
that are strength based
that can get you into
too curious and affirming
nonjudgmental conversations
with your children or with your family
about belongingness and grab-
- Yeah, just pause there,
pause there for a second.
So the people can maybe see some of the,
what you're saying, like see
what some of the questions.
- Yeah, for example around thankfulness,
we know that just saying
three things that you're
thankful for as little as 21 days
can actually have a really
powerful neurological effect
of training our brain to
look for the good stuff,
not just the tough stuff.
And so questions, like
what are three things
you're grateful for today?
It's really tough for
gratitude and anxiety to exist
in the same brain space.
And that often when we practice gratitude,
it helps to reshape about returning to,
but thinking about that current moment.
We heard this lovely
story of that practice
from a mother of a middle
schooler in Maryland,
who their school was obviously running
a thankfulness challenge.
And her son came home with one
of our little cards that says,
what are your three things
you're thankful for.
He was at the table
writing in every single
one video games, video games, video games.
She emailed us to say,
I have no doubt that my son
is grateful for video games
every single day of his life,
but I think maybe he missed the point
since he was filling out
every single day, all at once,
like he had forgotten about it.
And a couple of weeks go by,
she had kind of written that off
and dad comes home from work
and sit down at the dinner table
and just starts dumping
his emotions on everybody.
He's taken it out on
everybody at the table.
And this little middle school
kid turns to his dad and says,
"Hey dad, at school, I'm
learning that practicing
gratitude can change the way
you think about your day."
And the dad says,
whatever, forget about it.
And like he said, "No, really let's do it.
Dad say three things you're thankful for."
So the dad pauses and thinks
and shares three things he's thankful for.
And a little bit of the mood lifts.
And he says, well, let's all go around.
And the whole table shares three things
they're thankful for.
And the entire dynamic of
that dinner table changed all
because of this student being willing
and brave and courageous
to use this tool to reshape
how the dinner engagement
and conversation was going.
Or questions like when is it time you felt
that you really belonged?
How often do we get to
have deep conversations
with our children, with our
parents, with our community,
about what fosters belonging for you,
what makes you unique and
how have you felt either
included or excluded
in various communities
so that we could foster
that in our community.
Or what helps me prompt is more
who are the people in
your life that help you,
or how do they help you or what kind
of big emotions do you experience,
but what helps calm you?
Your calming or connecting
or energizing activities.
So yeah, a whole host of prompts
for each of the strengths
and then some other things that I think
sometimes you just need a good question
as a parent or as a partner
to start a really deep,
powerful connection where
you as John O'Donohue,
the Caltech theologian and poet
would say deep conversations
where you find yourself saying things
that you never knew, you knew.
But that these conversations
that build powerful
connection and belonging
and meaning can take place,
especially during separating of COVID.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
So what else, keep going,
'cause this thing is
just chock full of stuff.
- Yeah.
So then it's got different
strength-based activities, ideas,
or what could you do to
foster family support?
We know there's a lot of
research out just saying,
sitting down at the dinner table together
as a family to eat, really
fosters connection and trust,
cooking a meal together,
doing the things that are
just simple parts of life,
but we don't always think about them,
especially when we're in crisis moments.
They're more important now.
Writing a note to someone in your
social support network a friend,
or helping a friend study for a class
or use virtual media
it's really challenging
and overwhelming to
learn a new tech system.
So helping a family do
that or asking a friend
how they're doing and really
listening at this moment.
You mentioned as we were preparing,
not asking people, how are you doing?
It's a pretty overwhelming question,
but how are you coping
with what's going on?
What's been bringing you joy in your life.
So different ideas that
are typical things we do
with our family.
But sometimes when we get
busy or overwhelmed or laid
off and stressed or where our community
is experiencing violence
we forget to do the things
that lead to life.
And they're all the more
important right now.
So there's some prompts
there if you keep going.
We also, so for each of
the strengths, some ideas,
there's also a strength
index in this overall page
on our website with
different ideas, morning,
afternoon, and evening.
There's some one-pagers in here
to start a conversation about emotions.
You could print out this
tangled ball of emotions
and talk about what are the feelings
you've been wrestling with that
are big right now and talk about that
with your family.
And how are you coping also?
What do you need to help?
What strengths are you
using to help manage
and bring those emotions
back down to size?
There is also a strength check-in
that has some prompts that you could fill
in a particular strength
that has helped you in one
of these areas or write in your own.
So family support take a
sibling out for ice cream,
something really simple, write that in.
We also have like what we
call a Quingo Quarantine Bingo
as somewhere in here.
There's where you're
gamifying practicing health.
There's self-care kind
of cards and check-ins,
and then this is a piece from
our elementary curriculum
that has just been released.
We wrote a new curriculum for
grades three through five,
releasing it in the middle of a pandemic.
We train coaches and then this curriculum
gets used in classes.
And this is one of those pieces,
we call it the regulation railroad.
So we tried to create a story around
where we feel our emotions
and our body learning to identity.
Like, Oh, I feel when I'm
anxious in my stomach,
because of the biggest nerve
that runs through my digestive
tract right in my large
and small intestines, I feel agitated,
but that messes with my digestive system.
And that's actually anxiety.
That's where I feel it, what
emotion is it, naming it.
So we also have like a feelings wheel
that people can use to learn
to name the particular
emotion they're feeling.
That emotions are complex,
but also become intelligent
about identifying them.
And then how big is this emotion?
Is it really big?
Is it just a subtle, is it
a smaller emotion kind of.
So where do I feel it?
What is it I feel?
How big is it?
And then bring that into the station
at the regulation railroad and talk about,
what do I do to regulate?
- Mr. Adams, can I ask
a question, Mr. Dan?
- Yeah.
- I feel like I'm in school.
So when I saw on this, the tree with the,
how big is the emotion,
it just put together stuff
that I knew in my head,
but hadn't put it into that kind
of a visual because
helping I think I referred
to it earlier, helping, learning,
giving like the emojis or feelings
words that I had already
heard and learned practice.
But what I liked about this
is maybe somebody says,
I feel, I mean, this is even,
I could see this in my
marriage, in my friendships,
my relationships with my friends, my kids,
is somebody says,
I'm feeling really angry right now.
Or that really kind of ticked
me off to be able to say,
to identify is this a
big emotion, meaning man,
we've really I got to
pay attention to this
because you are feeling like this,
or is it kinda more in the middle
or is it somebody just kind of like,
that was kind of annoying
and so annoying is different
than I'm ready to explode.
Or I don't even want to
be in this relationship.
And to be able to help
kids I not only name it,
put a name to it, but to even
describe the strength of it,
to identify is this a little thing
that I really can sort of,
or is this something I really need to talk
to my mom about or talk
to my my dad or my friend.
That was helpful.
- Yeah.
And deciding what's gonna
be helpful to regulate
that emotion may vary
depending on the size of it.
But we try to say emotions
aren't good or bad.
There's something that tells us
that something's going on inside.
There are a communication system
that our body uses to say,
I have a need to be filled
to regulate this emotion.
Or sometimes anger is
a result of being upset
about oppression and
doing something about it.
So there are really powerful
emotions that lead to action.
And sometimes there are powerful emotions
that feel overwhelming,
that we feel like we're gonna
transgress the boundaries
of our own container
that we're gonna explode.
And so the movie Inside
Out is a great way,
also describing sometimes
anger is at the control panel
and you gotta pull it away.
Sometimes sadness needs to
be dragged across the floor
by joy and then we can find
ways to regulate those emotions,
if we've learned to identify where it is,
what emotion is and how big they feel.
And we can employ lots
of different strategies,
whether it's calming
activities to calm us down.
- And you've got a list of those, right?
I mean, I've heard some of those.
- Yeah, I think there are in this document
not only the process of
how you could do that,
but then having young people write
what are your calming activities,
whether that's a breathing
exercise or relax and release,
or what are your grounding activities?
Where you're using your
senses, your sight, your hands,
your sense of sound, or smell,
or taste to really help ground yourself
and deal with those
emotions, challenge them.
And then energizing activities,
whether it's games or
connecting so we've also,
it's open source currently
created a whole host
of virtual games that can be played
'cause we think that a pandemic
shouldn't stop us from having fun.
And we play games, not because
we don't take suicide
prevention seriously,
or this moment we'd play them
'cause we take it really seriously
and we believe good medicine of laughter
and play and connection.
So this Quingo that I mentioned is a way
of gamifying strengths
and protective factors.
So maybe you use this tool to play a game
of bingo with your family,
or do you create your own Quingo board
and challenge your peers or your friends.
We also created a board game
that you could play a
game of strength to talk
about protective factors
in your family's life.
So our team, one of the
results of a pandemic was
to get really creative about how do we do
this at a distance, but
in a really playful way
that takes seriously the moment,
but also gives us hope.
So, yeah, a whole bunch of
resources for that board game.
And I think that that
is probably everything
that's in there.
We have translated some of
this into Spanish as well
that's on the website.
Unfortunately not the entire tool,
but a good deal of it.
So it can be accessed in Spanish as well.
- Dan, this is just,
and I've been looking
forward to this conversation
and because I completely
believe in this approach,
it brings me joy,
just even talking about it and feeling,
like I said that it's not Pollyanna,
it's not slapping a bandaid.
It's giving people
practical, usable tools.
And I'm so excited for our
audience to try some of this.
I can't wait to hear
back from some of them,
I hope some school districts,
folks, educators who
might be watching this
would consider bringing Sources
of Strength to their school
district, youth groups,
kind of every which way you can think
of to put this upstream effort into place.
So just as we close, you
said it a little bit.
I think you mentioned it,
but just maybe as you close us out,
in this very difficult,
it is a difficult time.
It is, there's just no
way that we can say this
is not a difficult time to be alive
and I'm trying to figure out
how to do our daily lives.
But what gives you hope?
What are you hoping both that Sources
of Strength can do?
What do you hope that even if people
don't take this program,
what do you hope they'll glean even
from our conversation today
and maybe just you personally,
where are you finding hope today?
- Yeah, it's a great question.
Big, it's tough.
I'm finding hope in these
really powerful moments
of connection that are still possible.
That magical moments or moments of alchemy
where people are together,
even in a virtual room can do,
still do like transformational
circle work with each other.
That sharing our stories can still happen.
And so we've been hearing
really powerful stories,
both with our program and just
from educators and students
of how they're rising
to meet the moment for themselves
and for others in the midst of this.
That the conversation about coping
and emotional regulation is now
on the surface and students
are saying it's about time.
Young people are saying it's about time
that we have a conversation
about what we need
to really thrive and
survive as human beings.
I'm inspired by those stories and the way
that young people are taking action,
not only around mental health,
but about racism and white
supremacy in our country
to say no longer are we gonna just put up
with the systems that don't leave lead
to thriving for all people.
I'm inspired by the way
that people have become
incredibly generous in these small moments
of human connection.
And the ways that people are still finding
to create belonging across
virtual space and time.
And I'll be excited to see
as schools are reopening,
new and creative ways that peer leaders,
young people and staff are finding
to practice their mental health,
to start to celebrate that in public.
We're all in a state of recovery.
We might be in the same storm,
but we're in lots of really
different boats about
how this has impacted people,
but we're all in a state
of recovery at some level.
And let's do that recovery out loud.
Let's recover out loud
together as a conversation
with others and do that in our schools.
And if we do that well, I
think that even though there
have been great losses,
that we will continue to
grieve and look back on,
what could we have done better as a nation
and as communities to save lives.
There will also be really powerful,
positive things that come out of this.
And I don't want to only highlight those,
but I think that we can't just say
we're in a moment of crisis
without also saying a lot
of people are pivoting to meet the moment,
in their own lives,
in their schools and their communities.
And so if we do this together
and if we highlight the ways
that we're coping right now,
I think that's really helpful for me,
that we'll come out a stronger
community and as stronger
individuals as a result
of not only focusing
on the trauma and the stress of this,
but the posttraumatic
growth that will come out
of the moment of crisis.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Even me as an Eeyore, I'm encouraged by,
I believe that I believe
that you're right.
So thank you for all that you've shared.
Thank you for like I said,
I can't wait to see how people respond
and how they put this into practice.
But God bless you, Dan,
you and your family,
and always good to be with you.
Thank you for sharing today.
- Thank you, Kay.
In saying goodbye to you,
you always remind me of this Sufi poet
in Cape Town Shabbir Banoobhai
who says, "Wear your faith as a fragrance
and not as an armor."
And I feel like you embody that.
Having gone through a great tragedy
of losing a child to suicide,
that you haven't built walls
of armor around yourself
to protect you from adversity,
but you've allowed the way that,
that suffering has transformed
your life to be a fragrance
that is healing to others around you.
And so, thanks for
having me to participate
in this conversation with you
and I look forward to
further work with you.
- Okay, so you made me
cry, but that's very kind.
Thanks, Dan.
- Thank you, Kay.
Take care.
