Cheating Wives and Crazy Girlfriends
- [OP] I am 39.
I've been dating my girlfriend,
37 for a little over a year.
Things have been generally okay.
But, I'm having a hard time
moving forward with our relationship.
I used to be married and I got divorced.
I have a very high paying job.
And,
my ex wife earned a
fraction of what I made.
When we divorced,
I got financially slaughtered
because my ex wife made about 60 K,
had a huge college debt,
and I made North of 250 K with zero debt.
Now,
I make a lot more.
My girlfriend is the type of
person who comfortably says
that she expects men to be real
and
to take care of her needs.
This of course, with regards
to financial stability and money.
She's also divorced.
She made a fortune on the settlement
and her yearly income doesn't exceed 40 K.
I love her and I really
enjoy being with her, but
recently she's been
pushing for me to propose,
talking about selling my
house and buying a new one
and hinting about marriage.
I don't know what to do.
And,
I don't know how to ignore the
fact that money is an issue.
And even with a prenup,
I will not be fairly
protected if we ever split.
Any thoughts will be greatly appreciated.
- [MO] How many times do
you need to burn your hand
on the hot stove before you learn.
Prenup.
Also, if you do sell your
house and buy another,
make sure you pay it off
before you get married.
Don't do anything.
Literally.
Leave your relationship status quo.
It doesn't move forward.
You don't really need marriage.
You aren't planning a family.
There is no need to push forward.
If she made a fortune,
why does she need your money?
- [OP] Thanks for the advice.
I'm starting to consider
the do-nothing approach, and
if she's in it for the right reasons
and is well intentioned,
it looks like something viable
and at least worth discussing.
Her fortune won't last a lifetime.
You can only go so far making 40 K
and paying one third of that on rent.
- [FO] Prenup or nothing is the way to go.
I'm in a similar boat right now.
And,
in the last discussion about
marriage with my boyfriend,
I mentioned,
I'd ask him to sign a prenuptial agreement
if we were going to get married.
He took it in stride.
If she's serious about
being with you for you,
she'd be okay with either approach.
- [MO] Quote, her fortune
won't last a lifetime.
You can only go so far making 40 K
and paying a third of
debt on rent, end quote.
Unless you find a guy or a string of guys
to pay for everything else.
Hey man, if you ever get married,
prenup.
Also don't marry her.
Why would she want to sell
the house and get another?
In that scenario,
I imagine if you're divorced,
she get the house.
Also,
she sounds stuck up, to be honest.
A sugar daddy you ain't.
She seems to just want that money.
Keep in mind that the do-nothing approach
has its downsides as well,
depending on your jurisdiction.
If you two live together
for a long period of time,
will you be considered common law spouses,
where she would be entitled
to anything of yours
in the event you split?
- [OP] You nailed it.
This is why the issue of marrying
versus not marrying is irrelevant.
- [MO] If you're incompatible,
then leave and find someone
you are compatible with.
I don't get how this stuff doesn't come up
well before it's time to propose.
Quote, my girlfriend is the type of person
who comfortably says that she expects men
to be real and to take care of her needs.
This, of course,
with regards to financial
stability and money.
Enough said.
She wants a sugar daddy,
not a partner.
Quote, she expects men to be real
and to take care of her needs,
end quote.
Honestly,
this part is bothering me so much.
That's just no.
She is an adult,
so she should be able to
take care of her own needs.
I am not saying you can't help her,
but this kind of mentality
worry me about your future.
If you do end up marrying her,
there has to be a prenup
no matter what she says.
A year isn't long enough, in my opinion,
to know if you want to
stay with someone forever.
And, if it's even a thought
that she would use you for money,
you guys definitely
shouldn't be getting married.
It sounds like you're about
to make the same mistake
a second time.
I'm always fascinated
by guys like yourself,
who are at the very peak of their careers.
But, when it comes to relationships,
you have like an elementary
understanding of how things work
and where exactly it's
going to be heading.
I'm married,
but I always advocate on
people marrying their equal,
or learn to be comfortable being alone.
Lower those standards,
and you will pay, and as you already know,
it can be devastating.
Most importantly,
always trust her instincts.
Ignore it,
and it will bite you in the ass.
Look at it this way.
She's not looking out for you.
She's looking out for herself.
So why not do the same?
Healthy relationships are symbiotic.
And what you have isn't that.
Tread carefully my friend.
The fact that she is so frank about
how her man should take
care of her financial needs,
and the record of how she
made out in her past marriage,
should be two huge red flags.
Behavior like that shouldn't
come from a woman at her age.
And, with her marital experience,
unless money is her primary objective.
I hope I'm wrong for your sake.
I just hate to see you get burned
when you went through all of
that after your first marriage.
Best of luck.
- [FO] Well, looks like
your current girlfriend
is just marrying people
who are well-to-do.
You're a sugar daddy, dude.
She'll expect you to
support her and her kid.
She's clear about that.
What you need to decide is
if this is worth being burned again.
I don't think she's the
type to sign prenups.
- [MO] Yeah, you don't have
to marry your girlfriend.
I get that she would want to,
but if you're not interested,
then don't do it.
She's taken care of financially by you.
There's no real need to get married.
I understand she wants security,
but come on.
You've been married,
you know the burden of divorce.
Unless you want a possibility
of doing that all again,
just don't agree with her hints.
I imagine that the
girlfriend has qualities
that are attractive enough to the OP
to make him want her
despite the differences
in their income bracket.
His hesitations are valid after
having been divorced before,
but she's being clear with
what she wants and expects.
Not like she's being a
secretive gold digger.
OP should take it slow and
explain his reservations to her.
But why can't she move into his place?
I think she should get a ring,
but be told to expect another
year or more of engagement.
If you go on to marry her,
then honestly you can only blame yourself.
Because with your last wife,
you probably didn't see a coming.
This person is very upfront
with her lifestyle and expectations.
If you marry her,
that is your choice.
But have fun making another
person hit the jackpot.
My personal advice would
be don't get married.
Guarantee you that if
you marry this woman,
she will divorce you within five years
and come after you for everything she can.
This woman is a financial predator.
She uses her good looks
to prey on wealthy men
and then leaves them high and
dry and collects checks after.
Run.
Cheating Wives and Crazy Girlfriends
