Elon Musk.
You know this guy.
-He's, uh... His girlfriend,
Grimes. -GLASER: Yeah.
That's her name. Grimes.
I think she's a singer.
She announced that she's
pregnant on Instagram--
we think.
Either that
or she's in Avatar 3.
Uh, she posts that,
and he's like, "Honey,
can you run that by me first?"
See? She has, like,
a little baby.
-GLASER: Yes. -TIANA: I know.
It's not even facing
the right direction.
It's supposed to be facing down.
Just so everybody knows.
-GLASER: Oh, no!
-SPADE: Just so everybody knows.
Yeah, this looks like
a Grimes scene photo.
-(laughter) -SPADE:
Looks like a Grimes scene.
Yeah, I thought
it was Bella Thorne, actually.
-Doesn't it look a little like
Bella Thorne? -Yeah, it does.
-It definitely does.
-Shades of?
Uh, yeah, I didn't even know
he had a girlfriend.
-I... But I think he's cool.
-GLASER: Yeah.
He's, like, superrich.
He looks kind of cool.
He's a little nerdy.
-GLASER: No.
-Is he not cool?
No, he's not cool.
-SPADE: Well...
-ROCK: Why-why...
-Why's the baby glowing?
-He's strict.
Yeah, the ba...
(laughs)
Is it on a charging station?
-If it's his, maybe, yeah.
-It might have to be, yeah.
Her name is Grimes.
His name is Musk.
The baby's gonna be Stench?
-I don't know...
-(laughter)
Her name's gonna be Grimes Musk,
which sounds like the worst kind
of Axe body spray fragrance.
I've just been trying
to come up with baby names
that don't rhyme with "dick."
Like, that's
a really good point.
Uh, watch...
You're gonna think this is cool.
Watch him dance.
You think he's a nerd?
-Look at this.
-GLASER: Okay.
♪ ♪
SPADE:
Yeah. Yeah!
GLASER:
Oh, my God.
(laughter)
Not exactly
the Motown 25th anniversary,
uh, Michael Jackson special.
But yeah, he's-he's...
I think
if that was even a robot,
it would look not human enough.
It it would be like,
"Still some tweaks."
-GLASER: Honestly... -Look like
he was trying to get out the way
-of a Tesla driver.
-(laughter)
(laughing):
Get out of here.
I'm glad, though. I don't want
him to be a good dancer.
-GLASER: Yeah.
-I want him to (bleep) focus
on going to Neptune or Pluto
or wherever
he's building apartments,
-you know what I mean?
-GLASER: Yeah.
Like, I don't want him to...
I don't want him to be good
at dancing or dating or pot
or any of that shit.
-Just focus on the nerd stuff.
-GLASER: Right.
I... It's so funny to me.
I watch this,
and it's like, he's so rich.
I'm like, "He's cut."
Like, I just...
-SPADE: You get blinded?
-Sometimes a man is so rich
I see no faults in him.
-I cannot see anything.
-That's so true. Yeah.
-You're just like,
"I like it. It's sexy." -Yeah.
He has that big shirt
pulled over
like he just won
the NFC championship.
-(laughter)
-Yeah.
-(bleep) A.
-That was...
My kilt doesn't look so bad now.
No, it doesn't.
It does look like
a free T-shirt.
No, I swear, I like Elon Musk.
Out of the blue,
you'll read something like,
"Oh, he just built
a tunnel to Vegas."
You're like, "Oh, he did?
Like, no one knows about this?"
-TIANA: I know. It's a secret.
-GLASER: Over the weekend.
We have a bullet train
to Sacramento we're working on.
Stick with Elon.
All right, the Oscars,
uh, this year
are gonna air without a host
for the second year in a row.
Would anybody here
want that host gig?
Wait, that's the Oscar?
I thought it was something
-Billy Porter had on
at the Oscars. -(laughs)
Yeah, I think
anybody would take that gig.
-GLASER: Yeah. -I think
it's crazy when people are like,
"No, I would n..." I'm like,
"Get the (bleep) out of here."
Anybody in this town
wants to be on TV more.
We need a host.
You know what we don't need?
We don't need the sound engineer
to come up and give a speech.
-That's what we don't need.
-GLASER: Yes.
I don't need to know
about how your grandma
-taught you to mix on
the treble... -Oh, my God, yes.
-Watch my mic get turned off
right now. -I know. (laughs)
SPADE:
That's funny.
There will never be
another Oscar host.
-This is how the Oscars
are gonna go from now on, -No.
because you can't find
any celebrity without racist
or homophobic tweets
from ten years ago.
-TIANA: That's true. Yeah,
you're right. -Yes, you could,
but they'd be a woman,
and this is how much
they don't want a woman
hosting it.
-Yeah. -They're just like,
"How do we find someone
with no history of, like,
creepy behavior?"
"Uh, we could do a woman."
They're like, "Oh, God, no.
-Let's just have no one
instead." -TIANA: "Ooh..."
Actually, they do a good trick.
Like, they had Maya Rudolph,
-Tina Fey.
-Oh, that's right.
They go present an award
and then they give 'em,
-like, eight minutes to present.
-ROCK: Yes.
So it's a secret monologue,
but they don't know it.
So they're just killing.
You're like, "They should host."
I'm like, "They just did!"
That's all you need to do,
is a mo-- is a couple minutes.
Then you're just going,
"Bring up this person."
-But you were good on the roast,
by the way. -Thank you.
-And Alec Baldwin was talking
about you on Stern. -I know.
-Yeah.
-Would you host a roast?
-You would, right? You'd be
good at that. -I would, yes.
I would host anything.
Yeah, it's fun.
-Like, yeah, bring it on.
-No, those--
That's where it's fun. It's
actually challenging, but...
You hosted the roast.
You emceed it.
-Oh, I did host a roast. That's
right. -Yeah, the Rob Lowe one.
-Yeah, it's hard, 'cause you get
the crossfire. -Yeah. -Yeah.
I just want jokes to go that
way. I don't like 'em this way.
-Yeah, it doesn't feel good.
-It's horrible.
Things aren't good without
a host. Imagine this show
without a h--
That's a bad example.
-But, like, if you...
-Yeah.
-Normally... -It would be
seamless, believe me.
Uh, a Warner Brothers employee
got popped--
this is kind of funny--
for stealing and reselling
$50,000 worth of Harry Potter
 merchandise on eBay.
Uh, he was like,
"Hey, you like magic?
'Cause I'm making all this shit
at work disappear."
Uh, but I guess he's--
he works there
and then he would go to the...
you know, the room
where they're holding it.
-I don't know. Or just go to
the stage... -The holding room.
-Have you ever worked anywhere?
-SPADE: I don't know.
-A stockroom?
-I was a--
I was a busboy.
I'd just eat bread in the back.
"The room where they keep
the stuff that we sell."
What do they call those?
A store? I don't know.
-A merchandise store?
-No, Nikki, I was a dishwasher
and a busboy.
And I would eat everyone's food,
-and I had no qualms about it.
-GLASER: Yes.
I'd go, "Easy, fatty.
You done with that steak?"
-(laughing)
-Yes.
Never looked back.
-Yeah.
-Uh, no, I think it's, uh...
But what happened? They can see
him through his invisible cloak?
(laughing)
That's my Harry Potter joke.
I've never seen that either.
-Yeah, yeah. I haven't either.
-I live in a bubble, Nikki.
Me neither. I-I've never seen--
I'm sorry.
I've never seen
any Harry Potter movies.
I don't know anything
about Harry Potter.
But I do know
I-I would want my wizard
to at least have 20/20 vision.
-That's true. That's fun.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, I think...
-He's like, "Are those dragons?
Where are my glasses?"
I did steal something from work.
Maybe everyone has.
But I got-- Did you ever have
a lie detector test?
-TIANA: What?
-Yeah. -You have?
Yeah, I did one on my show.
Oh, you did? How did it go?
Um, you-you can fake 'em.
-Oh, you can?
-You just clench your butt.
-Are girls... -Because your butt
already clenches
-when you're lying,
and that's how they tell. -What?
-So if you clench it the whole
time and then, -Oh, wow.
when you're lying, you relax,
it, like, counteracts.
Is the test just a guy
with a finger in your butt
-the whole time?
-(laughs): Yeah.
-I think I've taken that.
-Wasn't that it?
Yeah. I took one at...
-GLASER: Why'd you take one?
-...at the park the other day.
-No, I was in...
-TIANA: No, you didn't.
I went into the bathroom
at the park.
-GLASER: Stop it.
-And I guess I took one.
