Yesterday, Kim Kardashian made
a visit to the White House
for a one-on-one meeting
with President Trump.
And I know, I know that there's
some of you thinking,
"I can't believe
this reality show moron
is in the Oval Office,"
but don't forget,
he was elected
by the American people.
So show some respect.
And, you know, I-I don't know
about you, but whenever I see
a photo of someone next to
Donald Trump in the Oval Office,
I always play this little game
in my head,
where I try to decide
if the other person
would be a better president
than him.
And pretty much every single
time the answer is yes.
Like in this one, yes. Yeah.
Or in that one?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And this one,
this one over here?
Definitely, yeah. Definitely.
Yeah, 'cause at least they're
not allowed on Twitter yet.
Yeah, it would work.
And honestly, I'm not surprised
to see Kim Kardashian meeting
with Donald Trump.
These two have so much
in common.
They're both reality stars,
they're both big
on social media,
Kanye loves both of them.
Uh, they both believe
in employing everyone
in their family,
no matter how useless they are.
So it makes sense.
Kim Kardashian West met with
President Trump yesterday,
and it turns out she was there
for something legit.
Kim Kardashian
at the White House
for reasons you may not expect.
The reality star lobbying
for a pardon
for a convicted drug trafficker
and great-grandmother
whose cause has caught her eye.
TV REPORTER: After 21 years in a
 federal prison on drug charges,
 Kim Kardashian
 wants President Trump
 to grant 62-year-old
 great-grandmother
 Alice Marie Johnson, a pardon. 
 Kardashian took up
 Johnson's cause months ago.
KARDASHIAN: She spent over
 two decades behind bars.
 I think that
 she really deserves
 a second chance at life.
Weirdest episode of
 The Kardashians ever.
And now, while many people
applauded Kim for lobbying
the president on behalf of an
incarcerated great-grandmother,
not everyone was happy
to see her in the Oval Office.
The fact that Kim Kardashian is
here at the White House today
and what planet that is anything
resembling normal,
because it's not.
Uh, she shouldn't be here
talking about prison reform.
It's very nice that she is here,
but that's not a serious thing
to have happened here at
the White House.
Really? She shouldn't be here?
You think Kim Kardashian brings
down Donald Trump's Oval Office?
Is that what you think?
What could she do to make him
worse than he already is?
What could she do?
Like, if anything,
I want her to stay there longer.
She could probably teach
Donald Trump
a thing or two about diplomacy.
Like, hopefully,
she could be like,
(mimics Kardashian): "Like,
you should, like, treat China,
"the same way
that we treat Blac Chyna,
"'cause she's an outsider,
no one trusts her,
but we've learned to coexist."
Now, Kim...
Kim was at the White House
to discuss the release
of one specific person,
but whether she planned it
or not,
her visit has put a spotlight
on harsh sentences
for drug crimes,
you know,
in the same way her sex tape
put a spotlight
on Ray J's music career,
another terrible thing
that many people
didn't know existed.
So, the big question is:
did Kim Kardashian
successfully convince Trump
to use his pardon powers?
And the answer is yes.
Although, as always
with any Kardashian story,
there's a big but.
President Trump announcing today
that he will pardon
conservative commentator
and filmmaker Dinesh D'Souza.
(reading):
D'Souza did plead guilty
to these...
violating these federal campaign
finance laws back in 2014.
He's perhaps best known
as a provocateur
who regularly pushes
right-wing conspiracy theories
and spews racist commentary.
Okay, I'm not gonna lie.
I did not see that coming.
After his meeting with Kim,
President Trump decided
to ignore her
and instead pardon
a right-wing troll
who's known for saying things
like Obama is a gay Muslim,
black people are thugs,
the Charlottesville rally
was staged.
So, basically,
Kim Kardashian said,
"Can you pardon
a black grandmother?"
And Trump said, "No, but I can
pardon a brown grand wizard.
Is that good enough? Yeah?"
And don't get me wrong.
I'm not saying being an asshole
is a reason enough
not to pardon someone.
What I am saying is that maybe
Trump pardoned D'Souza
 because he's an asshole. Yeah.
Because Trump doesn't care
about sentencing reform
or government overreach.
All he cares about
is doing favors
for people who he likes.
So, Kim Kardashian,
if you really want
to get a pardon
for your cocaine grandma,
forget the meetings
and just tell her
to start sending out
racist Obama tweets,
and she'll be out in a week.
