WE HAVE
BREAKING NEWS NOW OF DANGEROUS
MUSLIMS IN THE COUNTRY.
THEY
HAVE COME UP WITH A NEW GUN
CALLED THE JIHAD GUN.
IN IT,
ON THIS RIFLE, THEY HAVE
INSCRIBED, AND THERE IS A
TRANSLATION FOR YOU GUYS,
BLESSED BE THE LORD MY ROCK, I
PRESUME THAT IS ALLAH, WHO
TRAINS MY HANDS FOR WAR, MY
FINGERS FOR BATTLE.
GOD DAMMIT,
YOU SEE HOW DANGEROUS THESE
MUSLIMS ARE?
IN FACT IT HAS A
SAFETY ON THE GUN AND IT HAS
THREE SETTINGS, PEACE, WAR, AND
GOD WILLS IT.
GOD WILLS IT,
NOTHING SOUNDS MORE MUSLIM THAN
THAT, RIGHT?
ONE OF THE CENTRAL
POINTS OF ISLAM, IT IS GOD'S
WILL.
HERE THEY COME, THE
DANGEROUS MUSLIMS, READY TO KILL
THEM WITH THEIR WEAPONRY AND
VERSES FROM THE KORAN.
THEN WHY
IN THE WORLD DOES THIS GUY LOOK
LIKE HE IS CHRISTIAN?
FIRST OF
ALL, THAT IS NOT THE REAL GUY.
SECOND OF ALL, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE
FIGURED OUT IF YOU'VE WATCHED
THE YOUNG TURKS FOR A WHILE, IT
IS NOT A MUSLIM, IS A CHRISTIAN
WHO HAS COME UP WITH A CRUSADER
GUN. AND THAT QUOTE WE READ
ABOUT KILLING EVERYONE YOU DON'T
LIKE IS FROM PSALM 144:1.
IT IS
FUNNY HOW SIMILAR RELIGIOUS
FUNDAMENTALISTS SOUND.
WE ARE
AGAINST ALL OF THE RELIGIOUS
FUNDAMENTALISTS, CHRISTIANS AND
MUSLIMS.
THE GUY IN THIS CASE IS
BEN "MOOKIE" THOMAS.
WHERE DOES
A GUY NAMED MOOKIE LIVE WHO COMES
UP WITH A CRUSADER GUN?
THERE'S
ONLY TWO CHOICES, TEXAS AND
FLORIDA.
BUT THIS IS WACKY
ENOUGH THAT IT HAS TO BE
FLORIDA.
IT IS APOPKA, FL.
WHAT
DOES MOOKIE SAY ABOUT THIS?
WE
WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE BUILT A
WEAPON THAT WOULD NEVER BE ABLE
TO BE USED BY A MUSLIM
TERRORISTS TO KILL INNOCENT
PEOPLE OR ADVANCE THEIR RADICAL
AGENDA.
DOES THE GUN BLOW UP IF A
MUSLIM TERRORIST TOUCHES IT?
HOW
DOES IT KNOW?
NO, BECAUSE OF THE
BIBLE VERSE.
LET'S HEAR MOOKIE
OUT.
OFF-THE-CUFF, I'D LIKE TO
HAVE A GUN THAT IF A MUSLIM
TERRORIST PICKED IT UP A BOLT
OF LIGHTNING WOULD HIT AND KNOCK
HIM DEAD.
THINK ABOUT HOW CRAZY
AND FUNDAMENTALIST HE IS IN HIS
OWN RELIGION, HE THINKS IF HE
PUTS A BIBLE VERSE ON A RIFLE
WHERE I WILL KILL PEOPLE WITH IT
PRESUMABLY, OR DEER OR WHATEVER
HE WILL KILL, IF A MUSLIM PICKS
IT UP, IT WILL BLOW UP.
THAT IS
HOW IT WILL WORK.
BOY, THIS PLAN
SEEMS FAILSAFE.
ONE MORE PEARL
OF WISDOM FROM MOOKIE, HE SAYS,
THOMAS INSISTED THAT SPIKE
TACTICAL DID NOT INTEND TO
INSULT OR ANTAGONIZE MUSLIMS,
ALTHOUGH HE ADMITS THE COMPANY
WOULD NEVER PRODUCE AN AR-15
INSCRIBED WITH VERSES FROM THE
KORAN.
BECAUSE THEIR GOD WANTING
TO KILL PEOPLE IS RIDICULOUS AND
CRAZY, OUR GOD WANTING TO KILL
PEOPLE, THAT IS AWESOME.
THAT IS
WHAT HE MADE IT FOR, SO THAT MY
HANDS OF WAR AND MY FINGERS FOR
BATTLE ARE READY.
THAT IS OKAY,
THAT IS FOR THE LORD ALMIGHTY,
NOT FOR THEIR GOD.
I'M GLAD HE
CLARIFIED THAT.
WE HAVE MOOKIE
ON TAPE, LET'S HAVE MORE FUN
HERE, SHOWING YOU THE
GENIUS WHO CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
OF THE CRUSADER GUN.
>>THIS IS MOOKIE.
THEY ARE
LETTING US TEST OUT SPIKE'S NEW
RIFLE, THE CRUSADER.
I CAME
ABOARD ABOUT A YEAR AGO, AND AT
MY FIRST MEETING I HAD DRIVEN
THREE HOURS LISTENING TO THE
NEWS AND THE OWNER ASKED ME THE
QUESTION, BEN, WHAT WOULD YOU
LIKE TO DO WITH THE RIFLE?
AND
HE WAS ASKING THE QUESTION IN
REGARDS TO TECHNICAL
SPECIFICATIONS.
LIKE THE BOLT,
THE BARREL LENGTH, AND WHAT HAVE
YOU. AND I BLURTED IT OUT IN THE
MEETING, I WANT A RIFLE THAT NO
MUSLIM TERRORIST CAN USE TO
MURDER INNOCENT PEOPLE.
WHAT IS
AWESOME ABOUT THIS IS THE TEXT.
PSALMS 144:1, BLESSED BE THE
LORD MY ROCK WHO TRAINS MY HANDS
FOR WAR AND MY FINGERS FOR
BATTLE.
THIS ENSURES THAT NO
MUSLIM TERRORIST WILL EVER PICK
UP THIS WEAPON TO USE IT TO
BRING HARM AGAINST
ANOTHER PERSON.
THAT IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE
PART OF THE RIFLE.
>> I LOVE HOW SLOW THIS DUDE IS,
AND I LOVE THAT HE THOUGHT HE
CAME UP WITH -- THEN I THOUGHT
OF THIS, I SAID WHAT IF WE PUT A
BIBLE VERSE ON IT AND THE
MUSLIMS CAN'T PICK IT UP?
I GOT
THEM.
GOOD FOR YOU.
EXCEPT THAT
THEY WOULD LOVE THAT VERSE.
I
LOVE THAT HE DOESN'T GET THE
IRONY OF, YOU SEE HOW DANGEROUS
THOSE GUYS ARE?
I LOVE THIS
BIBLE VERSE, IT SAYS MY HANDS
ARE MADE FOR WAR.
THEY ARE SO
VIOLENT AND CRAZY ON THE OTHER
SIDE.
OKAY, MOOKIE, CAN YOU SHOW
US HOW YOU WOULD SHOOT THOSE
RADICALS?
OH, BELIEVE ME, HE
CAN.
>>[SHOOTING]
>>[SPITTOON SOUND EFFECTS]
>> YOU SEE, IF YOU KILL A MUSLIM
RADICAL, THE BEST WAY TO DO IT
IS BANG BANG BANG.
THROW THAT
MAGAZINE, THROW IT AWAY.
THIS
ONE IS FOR THE LORD JESUS.
DAMN
VIOLENT MUSLIMS.
ONE MORE TIME.
[SPITTOON SOUND EFFECT].
