My Advice To An 18 Year Old
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[Music]
What’s up, gents? So, the other day, I get
a letter, it reads like this.
“Antonio, I’m 18 and after watching Real
Men Real Style, Alpha M, Teaching Men’s
Fashion, Gentleman’s Gazette, I am overwhelmed
with this treasure trove of life-saving knowledge.
That being said, I’m overwhelmed. I’m
single, awkward, and lazy. What should I focus
on?”
Well, first up, Brady, thanks for asking the
question and for having the courage to critically
assess the current situation of your life.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Oftentimes,
we are our own worst critics. We look at a
situation and we focus in on the negative,
we think things are worse off than they actually
are.
Now, first up, I want to talk about some of
the words you used to describe yourself and
how you can change direction.
So, first up, being lazy. Well, guess what?
Join the club. I think it’s human nature
for most of us to want to lounge and to lay
back and to just relax. I know I want to sleep
in on a weekends. I enjoy drinking a coffee
with my wife and this can go on for hours
and I can get nothing done during the day.
And, it has happened.
But, here is the thing. I also try to set
up habits. And, guys, I’ve got tons of books
I’ve talked about in the past. We got Atomic
Habits, we also got Change Any Thing, I’ve
got the Power of Habit.
Any of those books right there will work for
you, but I highly advice you grab one of them
and you learn that everything we do really
can be broken down into small steps. And that
you can program yourself. Yes, just like a
computer to when you wake up to have a habit.
Because you already got some habits and it
sounds like in your mind, most of these habits
you perceived as negative and that’s why
we think we’re lazy. And when you realize,
okay, all I have to maybe do is exercise for
one minute a day.
I have a friend, all he does is one push-up
a day. At least, that’s what he says he
starts with. But, when he does that one push-up,
he knocks through a lot more. He does a series
of calisthenics. He was a very successful
high school wrestler, but he fell out of training
and it's just something got busy as a computer
programmer. But, he understands that once
he gets started and he developed that starting
habit.
And that's what I want you to think about.
Think about how am I going to lose half a
pound? Because that's a lot more achievable
and you could actually do that in a day just
by simply cutting back on your water going
for a run sweating a lot, but that's where
you start. Getting started is one of the most
powerful habits to help you overcome this
perception that you're lazy.
Now, guys, I know you've got an opinion. I
want to hear it down in the comments. What
advice would you have given this young man?
What books maybe would you have recommended
that he go out there and read?
Now, let's talk about being single. So, you're
18 years old. I think you got a little bit
of time in front of you. If you're 80 years
old, yeah, at the twilight of your life, this
would maybe be a bigger issue.
But, let's address the elephant in the room
is does a man actually need to have a partner
throughout life to be happy? My answer is
no.
If you look throughout history, there were
many people that were able to live happy fulfilling
lives by themselves. They simply had a great
network of friends, they had a community,
they found a way to actually never feel lonely.
That being said, I think for the majority
of us, we do want to have a life partner.
If that is you, then what you need to work
on is yourself at this point.
And even if you're 38, if you're 58 and you
just find, hey, I can't seem to have relationships
last 20, 30 years, let's take a critical step
back and let's look at ourselves and say is
it because I'm not open to relationships?
Is it that I need to work on things about
me?
Maybe psychologically, I just don't have -- a
great book right here doesn't really have
much to do with relationships, but it does
have to do with influencing and building relationships
with other people, a great one right here.
Or maybe just simply you need to work on your
self-care. Maybe you're 22 years old and you
smell and no one's told you this yet. I'm
not saying that you do smell, but it could
be something as simple as, hey, let's work
on looking like someone that people want to
be around.
Because people do judge, people make quick
decisions and you want to have something to
offer. That's what people are looking for
in a partnership. You're looking for that.
You're looking for someone maybe physical
relationship, you want something that, hey,
they mentally stimulate you, they make you
laugh.
You've got your list whether you know it or
not and you want to make sure that you have
all your ducks in the row. And I'll tell you
that focusing in on yourself, becoming the
best man that you can be, that is the most
important step to finding what you're looking
for.
Next up, you described yourself as awkward.
I don't think this is a bad thing at all.
You're awkward when you're trying something
new, when you're putting yourself out there
and you don't necessarily have the confidence
and the ability to yet back it up and you're
worried about what other people are going
to think.
I was watching The Last Dance with Michael
Jordan. Remember that when he transitioned
over to baseball, he went from the top of
the world of basketball being the top athlete
in that sphere to all of a sudden, starting
close to the bottom on baseball.
And they talked about how his swing was really
awkward. He would miss. I mean he just had
a lot of things that he has -- he had to retrain
his body for and he never did reach the point.
But you know what? He said, “I am going
to be awkward. I am going to be a little bit
embarrassed. I'm going to make some mistakes
and hold grudges against Sports Illustrated.”
Point being is this guy just he put himself
out there and he took a chance. And that's
what you're doing because you're going out
there and you're trying these new things.
So, don't look at yourself as awkward, just
view yourself as uncoordinated.
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And every successful basketball player or
athlete that was a wrestler, whenever they
went through a growth spurt whenever they
got -- they were uncoordinated. And this is
something you’ve got to train your body
up. You got to put in the work.
Another book I highly recommend, Grit by Angela
Duckworth. What I like about this one is she
talks about the importance of actually being
able to bounce back and get through that awkward
phase by putting in the work, by putting in
the effort.
She has so many great examples she cites.
And she talks about so many things that, well,
they're common sense once you read them, but
you realize that it's not talked about because
everyone we see these people achieving greatness
and we think they naturally started that way.
They did not.
Everyone I know that has achieved success
has gone through that awkward phase. And,
congratulations, because this means that you're
putting yourself outside of your comfort zone.
And, now, let's talk about the problem of
being overwhelmed. First up, understand you
are not alone. You talk to anyone, people
are just buried under problems. It seems the
world just wants to give us all this information,
the vast majority of it negative and bury
us under this. So, what do you do?
First up, you've got to identify what's important
and you've got to make the priority the first
thing, the first thing. I highly recommend
you leverage the power of the priority matrix.
I've talked about it before and I'll link
to a free priority matrix down in the description
of today's video.
But, over to the left, notice I'm going to
have important and then right below it, non-important.
The top part, I'm going to have urgent and
non-urgent. So, basically I've got four areas
that I can put everything that needs to be
done.
Now, for me, there are three specific reasons
why the priority matrix works. First up, it
only takes five minutes to lay out all the
things that you've got to do today. And just
focus on today, you don't have to think the
rest of the week and you're able to get that
stuff out of your head. Very important that
you just spend that five minutes, it doesn't
take a whole lot of time.
Next up, you actually have to rank things
because you've got to choose where it goes.
You're going to find a lot of things which
you thought you had to get done, you realize
it's not that important even though it's screaming
urgent and you put it in that lower category.
And the third reason why this works is all
of a sudden you're able to focus in on what
truly matters. Those one to two things that
are incredibly urgent and very important,
everything else can fall to the wayside.
Yes. This is screaming to respond to this
person on social media, to get back to that
phone call, but you realize, hey, it's not
really that important compared with these
other things. And that is the key to do what
needs to be done in the order that it needs
to be done. Pretty simple, right?
And if the priority matrix is too simple,
you want something a little bit more detailed
of how to get more time out of your day, not
only to be more productive, but to identify
what really matters, I highly recommend this
book right here, just a great read and goes
into how you can basically get more out of
not just your days, but your life.
Brady, if you take nothing else from this
video, know that I care about you, that I
want to see you succeed. When I read the way
you described yourself, this skinny kid going
off to college with all these issues, you're
describing me. And so many of us can look
back even just a year ago and see, hey, I
have come so far.
And that's what I love about what I can do
with this channel and the information here
if you take it and just apply a fraction of
it, you can become the man you know yourself
to be.
Check out this coin. I put together right
here which by the way, Brady, send me a note
let me know that you watched this video and
that you've taken action on at least one step
and I will send you this coin absolutely free.
Because here's the thing, I care about you
guys and I want you to take this information
and to go out there and just act on a small
portion of it because when you do that when
you take these actions, all of a sudden you
start stepping in the direction, and nothing
motivates a man like progress. When you start
seeing that progress, together we are making
this world a better place.
So what video to watch next? Well, how about
the books that transformed my life. In this
video right here, I lay out some of my favorite
books, books that really made me who I am
today.
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