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"Broken Wings" National campaign for preventing domestic violence
Created by
Necuvinte Association in partnership with the Romanian Police
With the support of Castel Film and The National Administration of Penitentiaries
BROKEN WINGS
Is beating torn from Heaven (is spare the rod and spoil the child true)?
"Beating is torn from Heaven" is a myth that is unfortunately
perpetuated from one generation to another.
I think it's just an idiom.
I have never believed in this saying.
Thatís right! Beating is TORN from Heaven.
It has absolutely nothing to do with Heaven. It is thrown out of there!
Why are people aggressive?
It can become the excuse of a person
who has a pressing need to manifest their power especially through physical violence and not only.
Parents, in general, exercise it on their own children.
And I donít think this is something that should happen anywhere.
Because this is what whipping actually does. It breaks, it destroys.
Your self-confidence, your trust in others, your own dreams.
It affects your ability to establish healthy relationshipsÖ
When you find yourself face to face with a 61-year-old woman
who left home only with the clothes she was wearing, out of fear of being killed with an axe by her own son...
The fear. The dread of her imminent death was tremendous.
Thatís how we were born. In every one of us, including me, there are all these elements,
both positive and negative, proving the existence of aggressive impulses.
And we all know, from worldly situations, from the places we visited and the people weíve met,
that we all have moments when we feel like giving in to these impulses,
and we would at least mentally or theoretically punch someone who annoys us.
This doesnít mean that a rational individual, a balanced individual and even more so,
an emotionally balanced individual who feels good about himself/herself and knows their own value,
would ever give in to such momentary impulses, basically.
Unless itís pathological.
Why is it that the majority of domestic violence victims are women and children?
I think this is also the result of
a flawed education according to which man is the one who decides and women only have to obey.
An attitude and a kind of education that has to stop.
It is time to abandon these kinds of practices and start over from equal positions.
On television, you can see a lot of thingsÖ and in movies...
there is a lot of violence too, and when you see all these things you think... thatís how we, people, are.
I am extremely outraged whenever I encounter something like this.
There is so much anger and frustration growing inside of me whenever I think about it.
And so I wish that... one day, either for my child or for a person in need, Iíd be able to do something,
to show them that love is what they need, not beatings.
It is said that we are all built differently. And, unfortunately, we are educated in a different manner,
and from what I know, from what I saw and how I myself have lived, we truly are educated differently in Romania.
BecauseÖ they are tame; children, especially, are harmless, they donít know whatís happening around them,
and they donít have the same physical strength that a grown man has.
What would you tell a person who is in an abusive relationship?
If you are not strong enough to leave, to break free from it, and walk on a new path,
because this one has already proven to be a bad one (and many are in this kind of situation),
I think you would really need the people around you.
They have to understand that there is life after this... this man, too.
The parent who is a domestic abuse victim has to understand that his/her life is very important,
and that s/he is unique, and that s/he shouldnít offer his/her child an example of weakness.
S/He has to find the strength to believe in himself/herself and in the change that s/he can bring into his/her life,
even if s/he had to start from scratch all over again, or had to learn something new,
find a new job, move house, leave for another place, another city or even another country.
Whatever s/he chooses, there are options.
The moment he raises his hand to hit you, you leave! And you never return!
I am one of the women who left, at a certain point, from a relationship
that could have become abusive with only the clothes I was wearing.
For three weeks, I washed the clothes, then I wore them. And I prayed to cope with it. Well, I did.
You can all do it! Of course, if you take risks.
And nowadays, especially, itís a lot easier because there are people who can help you.
Domestic violence kills more people than wars! ñ Reuters
The following interviews were conducted in Targsor Penitentiary for Women.
Among the prisoners here, there are also women who killed their life partners after being abused for years.
After a lifetime of torment, they have condemned themselves to heavy years in prison, 
they burdened their conscience with a crime, and left their children on the streets.
To protect the identity of the persons who were interviewed, their names have been changed.
Do you regret what happened in your life?
I donít know... maybe I should have suffered along with him, the way God left usóto stay and suffer until the day I die.
I will tell everyone I get to talk to never to think of doing such a thing, to end up here, like me.
Do you find the criminal offence you are here for serious?
Yes, it is a very serious offence. I regret it.
A maternal orphan, Cristina was married for half of liter of brandy. By the beginning of the 11th grade 
she had to drop out of school and she had five children with her partner. For 17 years, she stayed 
in a relationship based on verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
She believed she had to endure it all in order to keep her family together,
until one day, when everything went too far and 5 children were left without both parents.
A family based on violence is not a family.
Your children deserve to live in a safe environment!
What is the reason you are here for?
I killed my ex-partner.
I have lived with him for 17 years.
It was horrible. As he grew older and he started to work tooÖ
I donít know why, maybe it was in his nature. I donít knowÖ He was very jealous.
When I was younger, I didnít really care about these things since I didnít realize what they meant.
When I noticed that work wasnít going too well for him, I also started workingÖ
I had to go, I had to raise my two childrenÖ
Later, after a few years passed, it was all the same.
He would often ask meÖ beatings startedÖ though, he beat me from the very beginning, since we got married.
He was 16, Ió17.
In the end, we had five children together.
I am very proud of them. At least, thatís all I have left.
Thank God that they were okay, considering everything we went through.
Knowing I had nowhere to go, I had to do something to escape. It was me, or him.
And thatís how I kept thinking of all sorts of things. To run, to leave, to drown myself in the Olt River, to poison myself...
We only had 2 children back then.
But I donít knowÖ Instantly, I was thinking of my children, I was feeling a sort of pity,
I was afraid there would be no-one to raise themÖ
Since the both of us were orphans, without parents, I had no-one to leave the kids with.
I lived hoping that he would soon realize the harm he was doing...
No, as time went on, everything was getting worseÖ
and he began drinking more and more, and all the worseÖ the beatings became, and more and more terrible they were.
The same way he beat me, he whipped the children too.
Dani, my 12-year-old son who is now 12... I donít really know how to tell you...
in a childís body rests the mind of an old man.
Lately, I think it was with the two of them that Iíve spent those days, for better or for worse.
And how did you do thisÖ?
God, I know that Iím beating You to it, and itís a great sin, I knowÖ
And as if He turned His head and said "Okay, alright, so be it,"
I donít know, Iíve just had a feeling that I talked to Him that night.
He came back from wherever he worked atÖ Thatís when it happenedÖ
Yes, we foughtÖ all dayÖ
I tried to protect the boy from getting beatenÖ
I just couldnít take it anymore,
when I saw that he grabbed the broomstick and hit him,
without thinking that heís a child, and that he wasnít guilty of anything.
And just like thatÖ, Iíve never dared in 17 years of marriage, toÖ I donít knowÖ
hit him or swear at him, no, Iíve never touched him.
Everything. I bore with it, and just kept quietÖ Iíve just left it aloneÖ
Were you scared of him?
Yeah, I was really scaredÖ
He stopped my girls from going to school, he got them married from a very young age, without me even agreeing to itÖ
And how did you do it? What did you do to him?
YeahÖ That evening, as I told you, he beat us both, me and my son.
I told him: Now strike, strikeÖ Thatís it now. Iíll take it all in, strike as much as you want and as much as you can.
And I stood there and thoughtÖ when my girls came home, married, harassed and beatenÖ
and about my children being stopped from going to school, sworn at and humiliatedÖ
Actually if I now think about it, during all these 17 years, I donít remember a single moment
when any of the children ran to hug him and call him daddyÖ
Ah, it was around 12am and everyone was asleep, both in the village and at home, and all the neighborsÖ
God, he would come again tomorrow morning, it would all start all over againÖ it was allÖ
At night, when he came, for me it was all dreadful, horrifying. I donít knowÖ at night when he cameÖ
I woke up again, I lay in bed for around five minutes, I got up, I lit up the fire so that I could warm up the milk for the baby.
In case something happened, to at least have warm milk to drink.
Quickly, all of a sudden, I got up from the stove, I didnít even get to light the fire,
I felt relieved because I knew that the next day we would no longer suffer, neither me, nor my children.
Do you feel sorry for what you did?
I donít knowÖ If I really think about it, I think it was in our destiny, I donít knowÖ
God, please forgive me for acting in Your stead. I shouldnít have done that because You gave us life, You take it away.
If you could turn back time, would you change anything?
I would have left it as it was and Iíd have suffered with him or maybe... I don't know...
I donít know. Maybe I would have suffered with him as God left me to, until the day we die.
I am really sorry that I disappointed themÖ
Ana had a very difficult life. An only child, she was repeatedly abused by her father.
Emotional trauma marked her for life.
Wishing to leave home, she left one abusive relationship for another.
Mother of four children, she ended up in the penitentiary for murdering her four-year-old son along with his father.
Abuse leaves marks for life.
Can you please tell me why you are locked, why you are here?
For murder.
And whom did you kill?
My son.
Which son?
The three-year-old one.
What was his name?
Petrus.
And what was the punishment you received forÖ?
Ö20 years.
Did your parents treat you right?
Just my mother. Thatís allÖ
And your father?
Father didnít.
Because father... when I was 12-13 years oldÖ he...
Did your mother know?
She did...
Did your mother never notify the police that your father abused you?
No. She went to the police and said that itís not true
and that her husband would never do such a thing and...
It was him she believed. When he came home, I had to stay with him at home.
Did he, your father, make you stay with him?
Yes.
And was he still abusing you if it was just you and him?
Yes.
And, can you tell me a little bit about what happened, when the child died?
He came back home drunk, and he started beating both me and our son.
"Iíll kill the child," thatís what he said.
And you couldnít stop him?
No, because he was drunk and he was beating me too.
Did he ever beat you before?
Yes.
And afterwards, he beat himÖ
The child?
Because why wasnít he sitting on the potty, because he was cryingÖ since he wasnít potty trained.
He wasnít potty trained yetóthe child?
Yeah, he was 3 years old, but...
he was still wetting himself sometimes, he was still... He was just a baby. And... he was really annoyedÖ he wasÖ
Since he loved drinking.
And then he beat himÖ until he died.
Why do you think the children are upset with you?
Because they say I did this.
And you, what do you feel? Do you miss them?
Yes, I miss them. I cry. I have their picturesÖ I cry with themÖ
And have you never thought of going to the police and tell them he is misbehaving and hits you andÖ?
I can neither read, or write.
But you donít have to writeÖ You talk; you just tell them your story.
Do you regret what happened in your life?
Did you forgive your father for the way he treated you?
Yes.
Timea and her husband couldnít have any children. It was just the two of them for their entire life.
She stood by his side for 38 years, having to endure, whenever he drank, abuse known to no-one.
She didnít ask for help. She was afraid.
Behind closed doors, with little affection and respect, by the end of their lives, they became enemies.
Instead of quietly living her golden years, Timea was convicted for murder.
You canít be helped if you donít ask for help!
Hello. My name is Helen and you know why we are here: to talk about what happened to you.
Yes. I am here because I was convicted.
Yes. Can you tell me how old you are?
64 years old.
64 years old. And when did this happen?
In March, 2014.
And what were you convicted for?
I killed my husband. I stabbed him with a knife.
So, for murder. For how many years in prison were you convicted?
For seven years.
Seven years. Were you married to him? Was he your husband?
Yes.
For how many years were you married?
For 38 years.
But in these 38 years I lived...
he drank a lotÖ he beat me a lotÖ
Do you have any children?
No.
You donít; so you only lived with your husband?
Yes, yes.
Can you tell me how everything was before the time of the murder?
So, you were married for 38 years. When did issues arise?
From the very beginning, but things were not that bad. He beat me a lot, sometimes I slept at my neighborsí.
So there are witnesses; itís written in my case file...
There are 125 witnesses who knew what kind of life I led.
We broke up for 7 months, but he brought me backÖ
He said he would be nice, that he would become a better man... that he wouldnít drink anymoreÖ
So, you left the house for 7 months and you lived somewhere else?
Yes.
At my parentsí house.
I see, I seeÖ
My parents died and I had nowhere else to go. I didnít have anyone to count on.
That day he drank and he wanted to beat me; he asked for my retiring pension.
He drank a lot and he kept asking for my pension...
So thatís where the fighting started fromÖ
Yes, because he drank a lot and then he needed money so he could drink even more.
And have you tried... you said there were witnesses, that many others knew about him abusing you and drinking a lot.
Have you ever told anyone about what was happening and the way he harassed you?
Yes.
To whom?
I told my neighbors. They knewÖ I also told a neighbor who took me in.
Have you ever been to the police?
I didnít dare because he threatened me that things would get worse if I did that.
If I spoke to the police...
And what happened the day you killed him? How did it all happen?
Like I said, he wanted to beat me again and... I donít really know... I had a feeling...
I-I really donít remember how...
Were you inside?
Yes, inside.
Mhm. And where did it happen? In the bedroom? Somewhere else?
In the kitchen. Unfortunately, the knife was on the table.
It was ready at hand; I took it and stabbed him. He died on the spot.
Then I went to my neighbors, to one of my cousins, and told them to call the police.
Yes. So you admitted to committing the crime?
Yes, I did.
SoÖ what do you think you would have done if you knew that there are people and places you could go to
and ask for help in order to leave such a marriage? Would have done the same?
Because when you were young, there werenít any places to go toÖ you went to your parentsí house or to your neighborsí,
but not to the police, and you didnít dare ask others for help. Now itís possible.
If you could go back in time, would you try asking for professional help, so you donít end up here?
I would ask for help.
So, now you would have the courage to ask for help.
Yes.
And do you know where to go?
Even the police. They can help you now as well.
Thatís what I wanted to say, that I would go to the police.
Sometime, these seven years will pass and you will be free again. What do you think you will do then?
I will tell everyone I meet to never even think of such a thing so that they wouldnít end up here, as I did.
And to young women, what would you say to them so that they wonít end up here? What should they do?
...to rather leave him if they find themselves in such a relationship.
She was married to an abusive man who beat her until she lost her first baby.
"He killed my son," she said.
Her second husband didnít hit her, but his threats and insults hurt her to the same degree.
In the silence of the night, she killed.
You canít fight violence with violence!
Officially, the crime you are here for is known as first degree murder.
Yes. First degree murder, punishable by up to 15 years in prison.
Do you think the crime you are here for is a serious one?
Yes, itís a very serious crime.
I regret it. I am very sorry for what I did because I shouldnít have done such a thing.
If I were now, with my current way of thinking, and living during that period of time, I would take my children,
I would leave home and I would let him live in my house until
he decided to leave my place, and afterwards, Iíd return, along with my kids, to raise them.
How many children do you have?
Two.
And how old are they?
My daughter turns 20 years old soon, and my son 15.
He started swearing at her...
Why was he beating her?
I donít know. He didnít like her anymore, he called her names, he insulted her a lotÖ
he said things to her that I wouldnít be able to say right now.
And you were defending her, right?
Of course I was! She is my child.
She is my daughter from my first marriage and I raised her alone since she was two years old.
And for me, my children are everything.
So, she was my first child.
Actually, she is my second child, because I lost my first child during my eight and a half month of pregnancy
in a hospital in Iasi, because of the beatings I got from my first husband.
So your history of being abused actually goes way far back in time.
Yes.
How old were you when you first got married?
When I was 22 years old, in 1992.
He was the same kind of man as the other one.
He drank a lot of alcohol, he couldnít keep his jobÖ
Whenever he drank alcohol, he become extremely aggressive.
At home, at my place, he only hit me twice or soómy first husband. When in Timisoara, he beat me the most.
He was a very jealous man.
How did you lose your first child?
I lost my child because of the beatings. He was dead when I gave birth to him.
Do you somehow blame your first husband for losing your child?
Yes.
How did you find the strength to divorce this man?
Because he was violent. And because I lost my child...
So you started on another path.
I started on a new path, yes.
Could you tell me what exactly did the crime consist of?
It happened in 2003, in December, when my husband returned from Italy.
He started to pick on my daughter from my first marriage again, to curse her, to call her names,
to tell her nasty words, to not stand her eating with him at the same tableÖ
For half of month, we kept arguing...
BeatingsÖ of me, of my children...
And I told him to simply pack all his things and leave my house.
And he told me this: "I will leave this place only after I killed you,
my son went to my mother, and the girl was left with yo momma."
This was the word he used to call my mother.
After he returned from Italy, he was no longer the man he used to be.
He was a changed man. He was totallyÖ I thought he was on drugs.
And he continued to drink more and more alcohol every day. Arguments.
He wouldnít come home at nightÖ
At that time, he slept with one of nieces who was 15 years old.
Did you feel your life threatened?
YesÖ
Or were they all just empty words?
No, I felt threatened because he had aÖ
Even his expression was changed. So his gaze wasÖ I thought he was a crazed man.
Did you try asking for help from those around you? From your parentsÖ?
I wasnít talking to them about my problems. But they knew.
They knew. They sometimes interfered, and I told my mother to mind her own business,
to leave me alone, because Iíll solve my own issues.
If I knew things would go this far... perhaps I would have talked to her more.
That evening, he came home...
He came home. It was the night between December 23, and 24.
He came from wherever he went to, drunk, carrying a half-empty bottle of wine in his hand.
We both sat at the table, we ateÖ He went out and bought another bottle of wine from the store.
He drank that one too.
And then he said: "Watch it, because something that has never happened before is gonna happen."
I got scared. I got really scared. All I could think about were my childrenÖ
that they were little, and they would be left without a mother.
We went inside, we started arguingÖ The child fell asleep, then he also fell asleepÖ
I was watching TV, a TV show, and all of sudden I remembered, once again,
all that he was telling my daughter, how he cursed her,
how he called her namesÖ how he said heíd do this and that to herÖ
And I thought: "Thatís it. If he slept with his clothes on, once he wakes up and Iím asleep, he'll kill me."
And after he fell asleep, after around an hour, I went outside.
Suddenly I felt my blood boiling in my veins, my vision went blackÖ
because I knew how I raised my daughter and how much I loved her.
And for one who is not her father to beat her up, to curse her, and to tell her all sorts of thingsÖ
I thought "God, what have I done?"Ö You realize thatÖ
I wonder how you felt during the time between the commission of the act
and the moment you went to the police station.
I underwent some mental health treatmentÖ I fell into depressionÖ
In the end, you went to the police.
In the end, I went to the police and...
What do you dream forÖ for when youíll leave prison?
When I leave prison, I want to be by my childrenís sideÖ
Their lives and destinies wouldnít have been broken, if they asked for help.
Call the police, go to the directorates of social assistance, to the courts of law 
in order to obtain a protective order, to the NGOs that offer counseling and shelter.
Stay informed! Donít do justice to yourself on your own!
subtitles by
Maria Tirica, Necuvinte Association volunteer
