

### Frequently Asked Questions:

### Emotions & Feelings

### By

### Jesus (AJ Miller) &

### Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck)

### Session 5

Published by

Divine Truth, Australia at Smashwords

http://www.divinetruth.com/

Copyright 2015 Divine Truth

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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### This ebook is a collection of answers given by Jesus (AJ Miller) on the topic of emotions and feelings. The answers were given in an interview with Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck), who posed frequently asked questions from members of the media and public, on 19th May 2014 in Wilkesdale, Queensland, Australia. In this session Jesus discusses issues such as; understanding shame, emotions of self-deception (emotions we use to help us avoid real emotions), and focuses more attention on questions relating to fear, the reason for the existence of fear, the effect fear has on our lives, and the lives of our children when we pass down our fears to them.

### Reminder From Jesus & Mary

### Jesus and Mary would like to remind you that any document produced by Divine Truth containing any information from Jesus, Mary or any other person includes only a portion of God's Truth that they have personally discovered.

### It does not and cannot contain the entire of God's Truth since God's Truth is infinite and humankind will forever continue to discover more of God's Truth as we progress in receiving more of God's Love.

### Please remember that due to these limitations information contained within this document may need to be revised in the future.

### Many other ebooks have been published by Divine Truth, including ebooks translated into a variety of different languages.

### Please visit <http://www.Smashwords.com/profile/view/DivineTruth> or www.divinetruth.com for further information.

### Additional sessions on the subject in this book can be found on www.Smashwords.com/profile/view/DivineTruth

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Table of Contents

0. Introductory Comments

1. Is dealing with fear a major way of developing trust in God?

2. How would you define shame and what's God's view of shame?

3. How do you "release" emotion when you are not that emotional?

4. I am stuck on emotions of self-deception! What can I do?

5. What does God feel about us, or for us, when we are afraid?

6. Is it possible to maintain a connection with God when we are afraid?

7. Don't most people come to God because of fear?

8. Why do I use excuses to not feel my emotions?

9. Why did God create fear? Is there actually a reason for it?

10. How do I change the belief that my fear & terror is normal?

11. How do I let go of fear about my child dying?

0. Introductory Comments

Well welcome again to our frequently asked questions channel, and this frequently asked questions series is about emotions and feelings. We are up to session five now, so we've been going for some time answering different questions. And because we're only getting to do ten to twenty questions every session, we'll be going for some time more on the questions on the series of emotions, because we have quite a few hundreds of questions relating to emotions and emotional processing, and other questions related to those particular things.

We would like to recommend before you watch the answers to these particular questions, that you still have a look at – if you have not done so – the human soul frequently asked questions up to session three, and also session two of this emotions and feelings play list, because session two answers many very basic questions about emotions. Mary's joined me today: she's going to be asking the questions from our listeners, and hopefully I'll be able to answer them.

**Mary:** I feel pretty confident that you will.

We enjoy your company, and I hope you enjoy getting these answers as well. Thanks very much for your time.

**Mary:** That'll be great.

1. Is dealing with fear a major way of developing trust in God?

**Mary:** Our first question today is from Amanda and she asks, "Is dealing with fear a major way, or the way, for developing trust in God, and confirming the goodness of God's Character, as opposed to our parent's character and behaviour around fear?"

This is an interesting questions because I feel there are so many things we could talk about as a result of the question. Firstly is fear the major way we can confirm God's Character? I don't believe so, no, in terms of dealing with fear. Dealing with fear does help us a lot to determine God's Character though; but there are many other ways that we can determine God's Character, and the major way we determine God's Character, is by receiving Love from God, and then we get a feeling about what God's Character really is.

Fear obviously is the preventing operation of the soul, that prevents us from receiving God's Love, and so therefore we do need to address fear, if we are ever going to receive God's Love. Now she brings up an interesting thing about her parent's emotions, because if you think about all of the hurtful damage, that parents have done to children – it's all based around fear. So of course when we process through, or we release from our experience fear, then we can see very clearly, a person who is afraid and their motivations, and a person who is not afraid and their motivations.

Now of course God is not afraid, so therefore God does not have any fear – God doesn't have any fear – and has never projected fear onto the planet, and none of our causal emotions are really related to God; they are related to human's viewpoint of God, with regard to our relationship with God. All of that is related to fear as well and that is a lot about, again, our parents fear.

It is very true that if we allow ourselves to experience fear, and we allow ourselves to go through the emotional process of experiencing fear, then what will happen is that we will see clearly that God – logically and also from our feeling based relationship with God – we'll be able to determine that God is not a fear person, not an entity that's based around fear, and that God is only Love. We will then come to trust that much more easily, because we can feel that God is never motivated by fear, in anything that God does.

Whereas with our parents, most of our mistrust with our parents began with the fact, that they were motivated by fear under certain circumstances. There were times when they loved us, and when they were motivated by fear generally they did not love us – and in fact it's impossible to love while you are motivated by fear – so every single time they were motivated by fear, they didn't love us. What we got to see, was that fear became the dominant aspect of their personality and nature, and the fact that, in the sense it was used as a tool, to justify their unloving behaviour towards ourselves.

**Mary:** So their avoidance of fear in that case.

Their avoidance of fear: well you could say their honouring fear as their God, caused them to choose fear over love, and that caused a lot of hurtful damage to their children – of which we are some. Now once we have that damage, and we receive that damage, we start to mistrust our parents, and we learn to mistrust our parents, because we know that every time our parents act in harmony with fear, they become untrustworthy. Just like anybody who acts in fear becomes untrustworthy.

In fact it is impossible to trust – to fully trust – a person who acts in harmony with fear. Any person who lives in fear, and who acts in harmony with fear, will always at some point act out of harmony with truth and love, and so they become very untrustworthy.

Now of course God never does those things, and so once we've felt through the experiences of our own past fears, that we haven't released, we start to see that God is trustworthy. We can always trust God because God never acts in harmony with fear, or has fear as his god; but rather God always acts in harmony with Love, and therefore we know we can always trust that person.

It's interesting what I find on earth with regard to trust: a lot of people trust people, other people, who are totally untrustworthy because they honour fear. Any person who honours fear at any level is untrustworthy; you can't trust them, you can't. As soon as they honour truth and do not honour fear, now you can trust them; so trust is built by observing, that the person is always acting in harmony with truth and love – true trust that is.

But I find it interesting on earth, that a lot of people do not analyse trust in that regard. They believe they can trust their family members, when their family members have actually proven themselves untrustworthy, by proving that they are going to operate in fear at some point. So they have proven themselves untrustworthy, and it's pointless trusting a person, who's already proven themselves to be untrustworthy. If we were truly focused, upon understanding the relationship between fear and trust, we would see that any person who is in harmony with fear – and acting in harmony with fear is always going to be untrustworthy – and we cannot trust them. God is not a person who acts in harmony with fear ever, and so therefore is always trustworthy, but we will not feel that until we've worked through our own fear.

**Mary:** So Amanda's question is really hitting on something important then, in that she's highlighting, that when we live in fear we have an inherent mistrust of God because ...

And we trust people who actually are untrustworthy: we do both.

**Mary:** Yes and why do we do that second thing?

Well mostly because we've been taught to do so: we've been taught that there are some things, that our parents are allowed to get away with, even though they felt at the time, to be very unloving towards ourselves – we are taught that that's normal. For example if a parent's afraid for our life then it's okay for them to hit us – that's what we're taught. Now God doesn't hit us on any occasion, even when God observes our life – and God's not afraid of our life because God created an eternal existence – so God's never afraid of us dying, and therefore will never use violence, as a method of preventing our death. We see a very very different viewpoint from God versus our parents.

But we've been brought up with parents who justify the use of fear, and who then call it love, and we now have a very distorted viewpoint within us, of fear verses love, fear verses truth. Because of these distortions – and as we've talked about before, these distortions are a major cause of our emotional difficulties – so because of these distortions, the majority of people on earth are very confused, when it comes to love and also they do believe, that fear and love can exist side by side and they cannot.

**Mary:** So basically you're saying that we've been taught to believe that the way our parents behave is love, and yet we have an inherent mistrust of that, because they have often been acting in fear, and when people act in fear, they are not consistent, and they often react in an unloving way, but as a child we can't really comprehend the difference.

Well I do believe as a child we can comprehend the difference: like when we connect with the childlike feelings inside of us, about our parents' treatment of ourselves, most of the time we will be able to actually feel, the fact that we couldn't trust our parents, to actually not be violent. We couldn't trust our parents, to not somehow manipulate us emotionally. We couldn't trust our parents, to act in harmony with love under all circumstances. We do feel those feelings but we suppress them.

**Mary:** We suppress them because we're invested in avoiding the pain of that experience.

Correct, and as we've discussed in the sessions, about how the human soul functions, every time we want to avoid pain, we will revert to suppressive techniques, which are all about our addictions. We enter addictions with people, in order to prevent our fear and the majority of us have entered addictions even with our parents. And in fact our addiction response to our parents, is a direct response to their addictions with us and we often have entered into addictions with our parents, and then of course whenever those parents didn't meet those addictions, we then sought another person to do so.

Many of us are currently in a relationship with another person – in a partnership relationship – where we're actually getting most of our addictions met, and this makes us feel quite happy, but the reality is that we're not really happy. We've still got all of these emotions inside of us, and fear is still quite dominant in our lives.

**Mary:** Still governing everything, and then so that constitutes a major block towards God because we don't – just as we have a sense that what happened in our childhood from our parents was not loving and we're afraid to really explore that and release that – then that gets projected upon God. We think we can't really trust this person, that we can't even see and so ...

But it doesn't make much logical sense if you think about it: for example it makes a lot more logical sense, to see that God must be far better than any human, and therefore far more loving than any human, and therefore it's very illogical for us, to attribute to God, emotions that we feel about our parents. But most of the time we do that, to avoid the emotions that we feel about our parents; in other words we go, no our parents loved us, it's God that didn't love us, rather than going no, that's actually incorrect, it's our parents who didn't love us, and God has loved us all of this time.

It's just that we now feel, that that's not true, because of our parents projections and other fear based emotions, that they've had causing us now to live in our own fear. So yes the answer to Amanda's question is yes, if you feel your fear and experience it, and go through it, and come out the other side of your fear, you will have a very, very good opinion of God. You'll also have a very accurate opinion of your family, and your parents – but it won't be necessarily a good opinion – it'll be an accurate opinion in the sense that you'll know under what circumstances they are willing to compromise love.

For example with my father (on earth), I know that he will compromise love, whenever his religious beliefs are confronted. In other words, whenever he gets confronted from his belief systems, he will always sacrifice love. I know that from his behaviour with me, and I've known that for a long time. I know that he does it with other emotions too.

And I know with my mum whenever she's confronted by fear, she will always withdraw love, she will always go back into her shell, she will always not be loving, to another person including myself. So I know whatever issues she's afraid of she can't love me; I know that. Now when you know that, you know what bits of the person you can trust, and what bits of the person are not trustworthy, because any time their fear is triggered, they become not trustworthy if they honour their fear over truth.

God doesn't have fear, so God always is truthful, and so therefore God is always trustworthy, and any person on earth who – the persons on earth who are the most trustworthy, are those who have the least fear, and obviously there are very few of those.

**Mary:** Very few, because even people who present the facade of being quite fearless, are often full of fear.

Full of fear, full of fear, and particularly emotional fear. So they might present a bravado, particularly with physical things that they're not afraid of, but emotionally they are often full of fear, and when it comes to relationships, you see them act out these fears. You see the toughest of men, not wanting to open their hearts to their wives, so that shows you that they're very, very closed emotionally, and therefore very afraid of opening their hearts to the opposite sex. You know that fear under those circumstances, will trigger their actions. Put them in a certain circumstance, and they'll act a certain way in that they are – it's not possible for them to love you while that fear exists within them. With God it's always possible for God to Love us, because no fear exists in God.

**Mary:** And working through our fear, specifically with our parents, is going to open our hearts up to receiving that truth.

Yes and probably be more accurate to say, working through our fear about any subject, will open our hearts more to the truth about God's Nature. When we are full of fear ourselves we become afraid of a punishing God, and we become afraid of a God that doesn't exist actually. In other words, we basically believe that God's a certain way when God isn't, and obviously that is going to cause a distortion, in our relationship with God and make a relationship with God very, very difficult.

**Mary:** Great, thank you.

2. How would you define shame and what's God's view of shame?

**Mary:** Our next question is on the topic of shame. It says, "Professional opinions vary about what constitutes or defines shame. Brene Brown proposes that 'shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience, of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.' And this comes from her book 'I Thought It Was Just Me' Chapter 1, page 5. How would you define shame and what's God's view of shame?"

Well I have a lot of difficulty with the common psychologists' view of shame, because shame is not a causal emotion, it is an effect emotion, and because it is an effect emotion, it's the result of us not feeling certain pain. So her definition is "Shame is the result of?" What did she say, "Shame is the result of?"

**Mary:** "It's an intensely painful feeling or experience."

"Of believing we are flawed." While I agree that we do often believe we are flawed, and we often feel shame as a result of believing that we are flawed, the shame itself and believing we are flawed is an effect emotion, it's not a cause. The causal emotion is usually something far worse, and that is that we have been attacked and berated, and belittled and humiliated, generally by our environment, and a lot of times by our parents, and then of course we grow up believing that we are flawed as a result.

**Mary:** So it's sort of like something causally happens, something very bad and painful where externally there was a projection upon us that we were bad in that moment or over an extended period, that's the causal feeling and then the shame is ...

And our fear of feeling that feeling creates shame.

**Mary:** Which is like a global feeling I am bad, all the time.

Yes, so fear is the actual major cause of shame, or not wanting to feel your fear, is a major cause of shame. Now, here we've got to differentiate between shame and what I would call proper guilt. Now they are not the same thing; proper guilt is the kind of guilt you experience when you know you've done something out of harmony with love, and you feel bad about it. And proper guilt is a pre-cursor to repentance, which is a process that we need to go through, during which we may feel ashamed of ourselves, and properly so. Once we allow ourselves to feel the shame, of having taken actions that are unloving, and we work through the actual reasons why we took such actions, we will come out the other end no longer feeling ashamed, and no longer feeling bad about our actions. Although we do recognise the actions are wrong, and we would never repeat them, because we've gone through an emotional process which was so painful, that we do not want to repeat the emotional process, and so of course we never repeat the action.

Now that kind of guilt which motivates repentance is actually a proper– and the shame associated with that guilt is – proper emotion which we need to experience, and is causal emotion actually, but it's emotion caused by our unloving actions, and coming to those unloving actions, coming to scar our conscience, and then pressure our conscience, into operation which we then recognise, that we've done something out of harmony with love. Once we've recognised that, we then take actions, and one of those actions includes feeling some shame about our actions, about what we chose to do that was out of harmony with love. That's what I would call proper guilt, with subsequent emotions of shame involved, which is a direct result of our unloving choices as a person, and those choices have caused damage to our soul, that we need to experience the pain of. In fact the majority of pain in our soul is actually related to that; it's not the minority, it's the majority of our pain is related to that.

**Mary:** It's related to the unloving choices we've made as adults, out of harmony with love.

And not just as adults, we often made unloving choices as a child, but those choices are not directly attributable to us one hundred percent of the time, because partly our environment contributed to that unloving choice generally. But we are capable as children of making loving choices, and this is something that we need to teach our children; that every child even by the age of three, four or five is capable of making loving choices all the time, that's the reality. If they had no fear they would make loving choices all of the time most probably, and we can't just say that the fear is the cause of the unloving choice, either because there are many people who have not fear as the primary motivator of the unloving choice, but rather anger or some other emotion, and even sometimes, just desire causes them to make an unloving choice that they later regret.

Now, that's different to what I believe Brene Brown is talking about here, with regard to shame. To me what she's discussing in her book is the effect emotion, of other behaviour which is causal, which is the terrible treatment that we've received at the hands of our environment, usually our parents. This treatment included shaming us, belittling us, humiliating us and other actions that were taken; right the way to violent actions, and other actions, to often sexually abusive, to the justification of the parent not wanting to feel their fear, and not wanting to feel their pain. Now I would say that then of all of that, shame is the subsequent result or the effect of these actions, however feeling shame will not stop these actions from being cured. In other words the causal emotion relating to shame has to be felt, not the shame itself. So every person that goes through feeling shame every day, will find that they will not release the casual emotion of their shame, because shame is an effect emotion.

**Mary:** And in a sense they are re-telling themselves the negative message, rather than connecting to the pain of the negative message been given to them.

Yes, there's the pain of the negative message, that we must feel, but to feel the pain of the negative message, we have to acknowledge the truth that we were treated badly, and most people don't want to do that. What they do is, they prefer to feel shame, they prefer to treat themselves baldy, or feel that they are bad to the core, rather than feel that their parents' treated them badly, and that the responsibility for this poor treatment rests on the parent not on the child. We want to tell ourselves that it's our fault, rather than telling ourselves that it's our parents' fault, that we got treated badly. That's what we would want to do, and so when we do that, we are drawn towards self punishment, and we are also drawn towards shame as an emotion to feel.

Once you realise that your parents treated you badly, and you start going through those emotions of how bad the treatment was, it is very rare for a person to feel shame after that point. They in fact get through their shame very rapidly, as a result of seeing the truth, and the truth is you didn't deserve this treatment, no matter what kind of a child you were. You never deserved this treatment, that your parents and your environment dished out to you, that caused your underlying feelings of shame.

Shame is an effect emotion, therefore it is not a causal emotion, therefore feeling shame is not going to release a causal emotion; it is only going to make us to live in the effect of what was done to us causally. We can feel shame every day for ten years and at the end of the day, we would probably still feel the shame. It's only when we start facing the casual of the shame emotionally, that we would release the underlying feeling of the effect, so the causal feeling is related to the abusive treatment by the parents, and the general treatment by the parents that people on earth don't classify as abusive.

I do classify as abusive; the majority of parents have abused their child in some way. As a child we learn to feel some shame about it, we learn to feel that it was our fault. In fact most of the time, the parents said to us that it was our fault actually, verbally said to us that it was our fault. I remember my father smacking me once and saying, "this is your fault, I don't want to do this but I must do it because God tells me that I've got to do it". That's telling me that it's my fault that he's belting me, in other words that he's being violent towards me.

Now every child pretty much – of my generation anyway and I'm fifty, in my fifty's – but any child in my generation has felt that, and has probably been told that; that's reality. We've been told all of these distortion based messages about love, and we've been told that it was our fault, that violence was perpetrated towards us. Once we go through the truth of that, and we realise the truth that it wasn't our fault, that it was our parents unfelt emotions, and their addictions to not feeling their own emotions, that caused them to take actions like that, then we are now honouring the truth. Once we start honouring the truth, we start feeling the actual pain of the parent who projects their rage at us, and that's the real casual pain underneath the feeling of shame, which is the effect of the pain.

**Mary:** The shame is an untruth that we are telling ourselves.

Correct and if you feel it over and over again emotionally: what you are doing is you are telling yourself, over and over again emotionally that you are, you should, be ashamed of yourself, all of the time, and the reality is, that doesn't get you anywhere, as most people who have ever tried it know. You will not get anywhere, unless you face the truth about how the shame entered you, how the actual effect of shame came upon you, which is all about the causal emotions, relating to the parents treatment of you. That's how the shame entered you.

Now it might not be just the parents, like if we went to school at the age of five, and we went to a boarding school at the age of five for example, then, from the age of five to twelve, probably a lot of shame came from external factors at boarding school. It might not have come from your parents.

It would be more accurate to say the shame came from the treatment from your external environment, whoever was involved in your external environment, or its the effect of your own bad choices. The key for you is to determine which one is which: am I dealing here with something, that I need to deal with which is related to my own bad choices, or have I just been told I'm making bad choices, when I haven't made bad choices at all, and it's just other people making, perpetrating bad choices towards me. Which one was it?

And if it is the second one the perpetration of bad choices by other people toward you, that has caused this shame, then shame is not the emotion that you need to feel if you really want to be released from it, you need to feel what they did to you. You need to feel about those things. If it's related to the feeling of guilt, associated with unloving things that you choose to do, then yes you do need to feel some shame about that.

**Mary:** Yes.

Which is a part of the penalties of the soul that, automatically the soul engages with the Law of Compensation, which is a law that operates upon the soul, whenever we choose to do something out of harmony with love, and there's pain within the soul that must be felt, and part of that pain is shame, and we need to feel that particular emotion. Now that is a causal emotion where as the other one, that we've been talking about, which is the primary experience of shame, that most people on this planet have, is not the actual emotion. It is not the causal emotion that we need to feel. So, I think the question revolved around from memory?

**Mary:** How you would define shame?

Well I think that I've described God's view of shame. There are some things for which we should be ashamed, which are to do with things that we've done, that are out of harmony with love, that we need to take action about. Now, shame wouldn't mean that we would live in the shame of it; we would take action about it. So that's one, and the other is the effect of bad treatment perpetrated towards us, which is the primary cause of shame on this planet, and that is not a casual emotion. It is an effect emotion based around, not wanting to come to terms with some of the reasons, how it was caused, which was all revolved around, how our environment treated us during our childhood years.

**Mary:** It sounds to me in the first instance you're talking about, where shame comes up through a process of repentance. That sounds like the shame that we experience in that state, is powerful and transient when, it's an emotion that moves through us that enables the process of repentance.

It enables the process of repentance, but it also moves us into action to repair the damage we did.

**Mary:** Yes.

That's the motivation that causes us to go, "Oh, I can't live with me having done that." I now need to try, or attempt to fix this, and that is the motivation that we have, that is motivated by some of this shame. Now, obviously if we don't feel the shame, we will be running around for the rest of our lives, trying to fix something that we fixed years ago.

**Mary:** So if we don't release it.

If we don't release it: we need to experience it to release it, and understand the underlying motivations of why we did what we did. So even that shame is not causal in its emotional state, it's really related around the underlying thing, that we chose to do something wrong purposefully, and we want to find the reason why we did, and shame isn't the reason why we did.

**Mary:** It's just the tug on us to look at why.

Exactly, it's a tug on us to look at why. It's the guilt that drives us to look at why we did something. Whereas the other shame is just a complete effect, of somebody treating us badly.

**Mary:** I'd like to talk about the second thing in a minute, but you said something where you said shame and guilt are almost the same, in this first process of repentance.

Yes, in that guilt and shame are emotions we need to allow to pass through us, if we hold onto them– which most people do– they will drive the rest of our lives. So they are effects of deeper causes, but they are related to the process of repentance. Without guilt and shame, it's highly unlikely that we'd have noticed that we had done anything wrong, and under those circumstances we're probably not going to be motivated, to examine the reasons why we did something wrong. God has made it in such a way, that guilt and shame are compensatory effects upon our soul, painful effects upon our soul, that when we take an action that is out of harmony with love, there's guilt and shame that's created inside of the soul, that needs to be felt and released, so that we're eventually motivated to find out why we chose to do such things.

**Mary:** Could you differentiate between how you define guilt, and how you define shame?

Yes, to me shame is a very, fairly self absorbed emotion, I suppose you could say, in the sense that we feel really bad within ourselves, that we choose to do such a thing and have a tendency to blame ourselves in our shame. Guilt is more – there are two parts to guilt: you are either guilty or you are not is one part to guilt. So guilt is, there can be a valid emotion with regards to guilt.

**Mary:** In that we did do something wrong and we feel bad about it. Is that what you mean?

No, we are guilty. The true terminology of guilt or guilty is you did it. Did you do it or not, yes I did, you're guilty. There's no emotional connotation to it.

**Mary:** It's just a factual thing.

It's just a factual thing. When a judge pronounces judgement, he says you're guilty. Yes you did that. That's all he's really saying. He's not judging the fact that you did it, and how bad you are, and that you are bad, and all those other things, even though most people take it that way. The reality is he's just saying that you did that and you're guilty. So when I talk about guilt, I'm talking about the pure sense of the word. Guilt is you did something wrong. No arguments, no buts, no reasons why, you just did something wrong. That feeling of knowing that you did something wrong, you often feel ashamed about.

**Mary:** So within this process of repentance, you're saying that you feel guilt and shame, and guilt in that sense is that acknowledgement that yes I did do something wrong, and shame is the feeling bad about the fact, that you did do that thing wrong, within that process.

Correct, and if we choose to feel the effect of our guilt, which is the shame, then we will release the shame, and we will be motivated to find out why we did that thing wrong, and what was the underlying causal emotions, that motivated us to do that thing wrong? That kind of shame is still an effect, but it's a helper to help us to acknowledge guilt, true guilt from God's perspective. We actually, yes or no did we do something wrong or not? Now, here I'm not taking about when you were a child, and you come home and said to mommy "Oh, I told the next door neighbour, that you slept with the guy down the road." You know, something innocent that a child might do, and mommy goes berserk, and basically treats the child as if they have done something wrong, when the child did nothing wrong from God's perspective. This is a problem with many of our emotions, is that we were told that those things were wrong, when they were not. And what we've got to do is to see all of these things from God's perspective. A person who tells the truth hasn't done anything wrong.

**Mary:** And this is where you are talking about the second instance, where the shame that we can then live in – this feeling that I am bad all of the time – is actually an effect, and almost an avoidance of the pain of, I didn't do the wrong thing, but I was blamed and made to feel like I'm bad, because I did the right thing.

Well, it's not only avoidance of the pain, but it's an avoidance of the truth. See, from God's perspective, we are not intrinsically bad, number one, so that's one truth that we are totally ignoring. Also we're ignoring the truth of how we got to feel this way, which is somebody – and it had to be somebody in our childhood environment – treated us in a way that we had something to be ashamed about. That's how we got to feel this way, and we need to come to the truth of that, and acknowledge that.

The majority of people don't; they'd rather not do that. And so what they do is they just feel shame for the rest of their life, and feel like there is something wrong with them, for the rest of their life, so that they can maintain a relationship with their parents. Because the reality is, for the majority of us, if we felt what our parents actually did, we would find it a struggle, to actually maintain a relationship with our parents, unless our parents were repentant for what they did. That is reality, but the majority of us ignore all of that, so we can play "happy families" and that causes us, to then take all the burden of the treatment and blame ourselves, which is obviously going to be quite harmful to ourselves continuously.

**Mary:** And so then we end up with huge groups of people, living with an inherent sense that they are bad all of the time.

Yes and acting as if they are bad, so they are taking drugs or drinking alcohol, because they have taken all of the blame, for what their parents actually did. Parents with children that have abuse issues, alcohol abuse – I mean substance abuse issues – need to have a good strong look at themselves, because there's a high likelihood that they have contributed immensely, to the fact that that child is now taking drugs or alcohol, through their emotional – as a result of their shame – as a result of their emotional feelings that were perpetrated towards children, when the children were young.

**Mary:** Okay, so you're saying in that second instance, where we're in shame that this becomes.

Okay, second instance, be more specific.

**Mary:** Okay, were we haven't done anything wrong, but we've been made to feel that we have.

Yes, from our environment.

**Mary:** Yes, from our environment as a child, that can become a globalised feeling that I am bad all of the time.

And if we are honest with ourselves, many of our parents probably treated us like we were bad all of the time. You know it is quite remarkable in fact, how many parents do believe their child is intrinsically bad. I've had many, many discussions with parents, who have told me that their child was bad, from the moment they were born, and this is not true obviously, but it's what they believe. They've treated their child like they were bad, from the moment they were born. That child is going to have a lot of shame, and the child needs to then feel what is underneath the effect, which if the effect is shame of that treatment, and the cause is the treatment. The pain of the treatment; it's the pain of the treatment.

**Mary:** It's the avoidance of the pain of the treatment, that maintains the shame.

Yes, because once you realise that you have been treated badly, you are no longer ashamed of yourself; you might feel quite angry with the person who treated you badly, but you will no longer feel ashamed of yourself. So you would have made progress, with how you see yourself.

**Mary:** I think it's in Brene Brown's literature: she talks about shame being the feeling, that you are bad all of the time, and guilt being the feeling, that you've done something wrong in a certain instance.

Can I point out though that even that has a flaw, it's a flawed definition, because if you are feeling bad all the time, then I suggest that you're not feeling bad all the time – you're not feeling bad all the time – you think you are bad, so you are living in the state of being bad, you're not feeling it. When you feel emotions they generally pass through you.

**Mary:** And to be fair to Brene I may have paraphrased her wrong, because this says that it's a belief that we are flawed. It's the painful experience of feeling.

That is definitely true: it is the belief that we are flawed. Now that belief is the effect; it's not a casual emotion, so it's pointless us feeling it all of the time; we need to feel the causal emotion that created it. The causal emotion that created it, was how we've been treated, and usually a person who feels shame all the time, does not want to feel how that shame came about. They don't want to feel the causal emotion; so that's what I see the main problem as being.

**Mary:** So, I just wanted to contrast that, with the first instance we talked about, which was about shame occurring through the process of repentance, or drawing us towards repentance – that feeling as we are moving through repentance of shame that you describe.

And by the way, it's not repentance for things from God's perspective, that we don't need to repent for.

**Mary:** No, it's where we actually, from God's perspective, have taken an action out of harmony with love, with our own free will.

Correct, because there are many parents that want to tell us, that it's their rules that we need to repent about, and that's not true.

**Mary:** That's where I see that shame limits so many people. It limits people in sexual expression, in self expression, in pursuing their desires, that are in harmony with love. A lot of people are limited by shame to do these things, that can be quite pure and in harmony with love, and that's all about the parents definitions of what the rules should be.

Yes.

**Mary:** But in this other instance where we actually have taken a free will choice, that is out of harmony with love, from God's perspective. and we realise that and we are feeling shame. Is that feeling a feeling I am all bad, or is it a feeling that is, I was bad in relation to that event?

Well the problem with this feeling of shame, that is created through our own choices, is that we can then start to think that we are all bad, even though we've only taken one thing. We would have to had a pre-disposition to that kind of view point. In other words it has to have been something, that has come from our childhood, that tells us that whenever we've done something bad, it means we're all bad, rather than we've just done one thing bad. From God's perspective, you just did one thing bad, out of harmony with love, and yes you should feel about that, but you'd be far better off feeling the reason why you did it.

If you stay in the shame of having done it, you will not feel the cause, and that's the problem; unless you feel the cause, you can do it again, and unless you feel the cause you will be driven by the fear of the shame, that's now within you that you don't want to feel. Now you're opening yourself to further actions, out of harmony with love, that are now driven by the suppression of shame, and that's not a very good choice to make. You'd be far better off saying, "Okay, I do feel ashamed, I feel ashamed about what I did. I need to find the reason why I did it. There's some underlying reason why I did it, that then has resulted in me taking the actions I took, that then makes me feel bad about myself". These are all effects of the underlying causal emotion, so pretty much all shame is the effect of underlying causal emotion, but some shame is you could say motivated by the guilt.

**Mary:** True guilt.

True guilt, in the meaning that I have said it before and that is, did you do something wrong? Yes I did. You're guilty. That's true guilt and usually if we feel about that, we will feel some shame, and what we need to do is go through feeling the shame of that, and come out the other end, to the point where, we're willing to look at the underlying reason why, we chose to take that action that was unloving. So the shame can help us get there, or it can hinder us depending upon whether we suppress it or feel it. If we feel it, it will probably help us get there, because we'll go, I don't want to feel this bad ever again, so I want to find the reason why I did it. But if we don't feel it, then we won't find the reason why we did it, and we're now consigning ourselves to the fact, that we are going to do it again, or we're going to live in fear of our shame, one of the two, and so we'll do other things that are out of harmony with love, because anything driven by fear is going to be out of harmony with love.

**Mary:** Yes but sounds like the most destructive way, that the majority of people live in shame, is that they're living in the shame, not feeling it and their feeling that they're wrong and bad, in ways that are not really wrong and bad, in ways from God perspective.

Correct.

**Mary:** And in that case you're saying living in that state, is the avoidance of the deeper pain, that will liberate the person in many ways, including from the feeling of shame once they connect to it.

Yes, now, I've been asked for the definition of shame in this question. I would define shame as an effect emotion, not a causal emotion, relating to either one of the two following things. One, the bad or poor treatment in our environment of ourselves, where we then come to accept the poor treatment, as ourselves being the cause, and that is not true, or two, the fact that we have chosen though our free will to take action, that is out of harmony with love and refuse to feel about the reasons why we did such a thing.

**Mary:** Beautiful.

And that is what shame is.

**Mary:** If we can add to that, what would you say is God's view of shame – that's the second part of our question.

Well, it depends on what type of shame we are talking about. If we're talking about the first type of shame, which was triggered by bad treatment during our childhood, then God's view of that shame, is that we don't need to feel it at all, and God in fact, doesn't feel that we need to be ashamed of ourselves, under those circumstances. No matter how badly we were treated during our childhood, God doesn't feel we have anything to be ashamed of for that treatment, so that's the first.

The second type of shame, which is the one driven by the fact, that we're guilty of some kind of wrong doing with regard to definition of God – wrong doing is anything we did out of harmony with love, from God's perspective. Now, God doesn't feel we need to feel specifically shame about that, but God knows that shame, will be the result of us taking those particular actions. But God knows that shame is not a motivating solution to the problem. In other words, a person who lives in shame generally becomes quite selfish, quite fearful and quite out of harmony with love with the rest of their actions.

God knows that the best way – and God has designed His universe this way – that the best way to deal with any emotion, is to find the underlying reason why you chose to do such a thing. So, the best way to deal with any unloving action, or unloving word, or unloving thought, is to find the underlying reason why such an unloving action, thought or word appeared; and shame is not going to help you do that.

**Mary:** No.

It's not going to help you do that; it may provide some motivation to do it perhaps, but it won't help you do it. To really find the underlying causal emotions, relating to why you chose to take actions out of harmony with love, takes a lot more courage, than just feeling shame, and this is where I feel a lot of people who are constantly carrying shame with them, are using shame as an avoidance technique, rather than actually using it as a desire, as a motivation, to get to a deeper emotion. And if we're using shame as an avoidance technique, we are way out of harmony with God's view of shame, and we need to understand that.

God's view of shame basically is, that if it's related to our childhood, it's something that we don't even need to feel; and if it's related to our own free will choices, that are out of harmony with love, then certainly we are going to feel it, because it's an automatic compensatory effect on our soul that's occurred. However if you feel it, you would want to find the actual cause of why you did that. If you choose to deny your shame, or to live in it, to soak in it like a bath, then you will never take courageous actions, to find the reason why, you chose to take those actions that were unloving. Shame can become a very narcissistic emotion, if you're not careful, and many people do live in their shame, and live very narcissistic lives as a result.

**Mary:** That's very helpful, thank you.

3. How do you "release" emotion when you are not that emotional?

**Mary:** Our next question comes to us from Susan. She says "Some people are naturally not that emotional, so what exactly does it mean to work through your emotional injuries, feel the full extent of emotions and release them? AJ talks about crying a lot, or beating the hell out of a bean bag if the injury is anger or rage, but what if some people just aren't emotional like that. How do you release when you are not that emotional?"

Honestly Susan, you don't understand the soul yet. The reality is that God designed the soul to be emotional, so everyone is emotional. If you are shut down to the extent that Susan is, then you will feel that you are not as emotional as other people. Like I can remember during my life, that once I hit ten or twelve, I never cried from then until when I first started processing emotions, when I was thirty three. At the end of the day you can shut down your emotions in complete denial, if you want to, but don't claim that it is just because you're not emotional, because you are. God designed you to be emotional; this belief that some people are more emotional than others is not true, it's not true.

God designed your soul to have emotions flowing through it, one hundred percent of the time, all the time; that's how God designed your soul. All of us have various ways in which that expresses itself, in the sense that, some of us have been shut down quite intensely as children, and therefore we don't have any emotion flowing through our soul like that, and we do have to somehow open up to them sometime again. Other people are histrionic; they are drama queens. They use emotions as a manipulative technique to engage their addictions, and we know many people like that. That's not the type of emotions that I'm talking about either.

**Mary:** Because that's not really true emotion either is it.

No, not at all.

**Mary:** It's an expression of rage or passive aggression or manipulation.

Manipulation and addiction really, it's just an addiction. It's an addiction to avoid underlying fears and underlying real emotion, but there are lots of people that do that. In fact the majority of my life, whenever I've seen a person be emotional, generally they are like that, and the average person in our seminars that flies off the handle, and screams and yells and carries on, in the middle of the seminar is like that. They have emotions going on which are all about addictions, and avoidance of their real feelings.

I'm not talking about those emotions; what I'm saying though is that God designed your soul to have one hundred percent flow of all of your emotions. If you're saying to me that some people are not as emotional as other people, that is completely incorrect and completely untrue and only the result of injuries. So Susan, I'm sorry dear but you are in denial of your emotions, that's why your emotions are shut down, and any person who makes these comments, who asks these kind of questions – and we have many hundreds of questions from people saying, I'm not as emotional as other people. You know, all of you are wrong; you are as emotional as other people, it's just that you have had more things happen to you, that caused you to shut down your emotions, and you need to come to terms with the fact that you must be pretty shut down, if God designed you to be emotional. My suggestion is that, instead of telling yourself, that you're not as emotional as other people, you need to see that not being as emotional as other people – if you are comparing yourself to people who are being drama queens and what was the other word?

**Mary:** Histrionic.

Histrionic, then don't because they are not feeling their emotions either. They are just using an emotional technique of manipulation, to avoid their real emotions; don't compare yourself to those people. But if you are comparing yourself to me, as this lady is doing, she is saying that I have cried and bashed things, and you know whatever else to get to my emotions – and I'm not a histrionic person – and for a large portion of my life, I was completely shut down towards my emotions from like I said, from the time I was twelve to the time I was thirty-three. Twenty-one years I was completely shut down to my emotions, completely shut down. So if I can get from being completely shut down to my emotions, to being open to my emotions and everyone else's emotions, and I'm telling you that the reason why I did that, was because I became open emotionally from a state of denial, then I suggest to you Susan that you can do the same – yes.

**Mary:** And Susan's question, her final question, "How do you release when you are not that emotional?" And the answer is really about working ...

Really what she is saying is, "How do you release when you are in denial?" That's the real question and the answer is, "You can't". You cannot release causal emotion while you're in denial that those emotions even exist, and Susan is in denial that these emotions exist. While she is in denial that these emotions exist, she will not be able to connect to them, nor will she be able to release them, and in fact maintaining the denial that these emotions exist, is just one method that she is using, in order to stay away from the painful emotions. She's using it as a method to stay away from her personal pain, telling herself that she is not like the average person, therefore not generally emotional: is a method that she has been taught to demonstrate, or that she has learnt herself, to avoid the experience of her emotions, and she's going to need to undo that, if she is going to become at-one with God.

**Mary:** I feel a lot of compassion for people who feel – probably because I've been one of them – because I feel we reach adulthood, and feel totally disconnected from our emotional selves, and what I feel from Susan's question, is there's a lot of judgement within her, from her experience of emotions. Not only does she feel that she is not that emotional, she doesn't want to be.

But see we've got to be honest here, there are two things here aren't there: do I desire to feel my emotions and Susan doesn't, and then the second question is, am I using a technique to avoid emotions unwittingly, and that's very different. That's what I would classify as ignorance of how important emotions are. Now Susan's not ignorant of how important they are, because she's probably listened to me for a while, and therefore knows I have stated it over and over again, so she is actively attempting to deny her emotions. Now I have less compassion for such a person.

**Mary:** Oh, I see.

Than a person who unwittingly or ignorantly, does not know that releasing their emotions will help them. A person who's choosing to avoid their emotions, choosing to remain in denial, and choosing purposefully and even tells themselves, that they're just not as emotional as other people. That's a purposeful choice to tell yourself a message that is not true, and that is a technique you are using to avoid your emotions. Sure, but you've got to be honest about that technique, that you are not going to progress towards God while you have that technique in play. You need to look at the reasons why, you chose to tell yourself these messages, and yes a lot of that is related to childhood emotions, and that's where I do have compassion. Childhood emotions and particularly the suppression of childhood emotions, by parents and the suggestions and violence that often comes from parents, to suppress childhood emotions, causes us to grow up and become a person who has little experience of emotion. That's what that does.

**Mary:** And judgement of emotion ...

... and have judgement of emotion. We need to be careful here: is it judgement of emotion that's Susan's problem, or is it denial of a truth that's Susan's problem? Now I suggest that the denial of the truth, is motivated partially by judgement, but mostly by her own avoidance of pain. Mostly by her desire to deny the experience of pain which everyone has emotionally in them. We've got to be careful that we say what is really going on for individuals. Now, judgement certainly is a problem of emotion. Some people will have to go through feeling, relating to how much their own emotions as a child was judged, and certainly a person doesn't arrive at a state of denial, without there being some judgement, sort of emotion occurring in their childhood.

But the real question becomes, is that judgement unwitting or ignorance of the truth or is it a purposeful desire to avoid the truth? Now, in Susan's case it is a purposeful desire to avoid the truth. She's been told the truth that emotions are – God created them, God created you to be an emotional being, your soul is emotional – she's been told these truths but she doesn't want to accept them. Now that is a purposeful choice to not accept the truth. Now if you purposefully choose to not accept this truth – as many do – you will never become at-one with God, ever. You are consigning yourself to progress in love but only in Natural Love. You will never be able to receive God's Love to the point of at-onement while you tell yourself these untruths.

I feel that every person who tells themselves, this kind of message is telling themself an untruth, and while you tell yourself such an untruth, you will never become at-one with God. So while you may progress a bit – because you will have to use anything other than emotional techniques to progress – you will not love, you will not come to know it, and you'll certainly not come to experience God's Love, because God's Love is a very overpowering emotion which will overpower you every time you experience it. You will definitely be emotional while you feel that, and if you're not, it means that you're not feeling it; it means that you're in denial, or shut down to your own emotions.

Stop telling yourself messages that are not true, stop making the choice to tell yourself. The choice to tell yourself something after you've heard the truth, the choice to tell yourself the opposite, the lie, is a choice and that's totally different than you not doing it because of ignorance, and this is what people need to realise.

Once you've heard the truth about God and the way God operates and created the human soul itself. The decision you are going to have to make is "Do you have enough trust in that to believe it and take actions about it or not?" Susan doesn't, Susan wants to not believe it, she wants to deny that it's a problem, she even wants to deny that she is an emotional being, and so that is an active choice taken, to completely distance herself from God's Truth on the matter, and that is not taken out of judgement although judgement may be involved. That's an expression of her will to not feel painful emotions.

**Mary:** Yes, that's an important distinction you're making there.

Yes, I feel that a lot of people – as you know – have left the path of Divine Truth, mostly because they don't want to feel emotions. Well to be more frank, mostly because they don't want to feel pain. And we tell them, often times they come to us and ask us where they are at emotionally, we tell them, they feel pain by our response and from then on they don't want to hear the truth. That is an active choice that they've made to deny their own emotional experience, and to deny the truth about how God has created their soul. While you do that, you are not going to progress towards God; you are just never going to progress. You can tell yourself that until you're blue in the face, you will not progress towards God.

You can blame me for suggesting that emotion is the way towards God, but it's not my fault that emotions are the way towards God. God designed it that way; God knows, and God designed our soul in such a way, that progression towards God in love, is not possible without us being emotional beings. That's reality; as much as people on earth want to tell you differently, that is the reality of God's Truth.

Now, if Susan had said "I don't believe you" that would have been more honest. So I feel Susan what you would have needed to ask me is just, "AJ I don't believe that emotions are the way to God." And I would go "Susan, you are allowed to believe whatever you like, however, the reality is emotions are the way to God, and you will find that sometime in your future, that unless you start engaging your emotions you will never become at-one with God." So, I'm okay with you believing it as long as you believe that emotions are not the way to God, and you are somehow different to other people, and unique and you don't have emotions; as long as you believe these particular things you will never become at-one with God. So, try it out for a while; try it out for the next twenty years and see how you go. See whether you become at-one with God in the next twenty years, using your method and I suggest to you, you will not.

**Mary:** Thanks!

No worries.

4. I am stuck on emotions of self-deception! What can I do?

**Mary:** This question relates to emotions of self-deception, and you and I gave a seminar on that topic four or five years ago.

Yes, I think it was 2010.

**Mary:** This person says, "Thank you so much for speaking about the emotions of self-deception, I am totally stuck with processing and these kinds of emotions, and I have been really losing faith that I can do this.

**Mary:** I feel like I'm just going around in circles, with shame and anger and getting nowhere, and to be honest I really just want to give up. Can you talk a bit about what signs there may be, that we're actually getting somewhere, instead of going around in circles?"

Well I think that she's identified the signs: when you go around in circles, you feel like you want to give up; when you go around in circles, you feel like you're processing emotions, but you know nothing is really changing. These are all signs that you are just going around in circles, and nothing is really changing, and signs that you are completely in self-deception. In other words you're processing through emotions of self-deception.

It's pointless doing that. The real thing we need to look at though is why are we doing it? In this case, the lady is saying she's fluctuating between emotions of shame – which is an effect emotion – and anger – which is also an effect emotion most of the time. Fluctuating between two effect emotions, of course if you fluctuate between two effect emotions, you will never address causal emotions, so of course you are never going to progress.

You are never going to become at-one with God doing that. You can do this for the rest of your life, and nothing will change and of course, after a while you'll get tired of that, and then you'll say, it's all because of AJ's teachings about emotions. And obviously it's not what I'm talking about.

When we are in emotions of self-deception, such as shame and anger and so forth, we are doing it to avoid other things, and we need to have a good solid look at our will, how we're using our will. We're using our will to stay in emotions that are preferable – self-deception emotions are preferable – rather than feeling the emotions that are not preferred, the more painful emotions that we don't wish to experience. That's why we choose to be self-deceived.

When you're fluctuating between shame, anger, shame, anger, shame, anger; feeling different emotions that are around in this cycle, what you're doing is you're fluctuating between two self-deceptive emotions. They are not the causal emotions, so you're fluctuating between two self-deception emotions. One is you're wanting to blame other people, and the other one is you want to blame yourself, and both of those things are not true. You can't blame other people and you can't blame yourself, you need to get deeper into the actual causal pain.

Most people who fluctuate in self-deception emotions, are not willing to go to their real pain, that's the problem; they don't trust God, they have no faith that God will help them through the process; they don't trust that this is the actual process. They justify to themselves, that there's no reason to do it, and they'd prefer to feel like they are doing something, and so what they do is they create effect based emotions, such as shame and anger and so forth, and then they choose to feel all of that.

You do all of that because you're avoiding your addictions: you don't want to feel your addictions, and every time that you get your addictions met you're happy, and every time your addictions are not met, you're either go into shame – in other words self-punishment – or you go into anger – where you want to punish someone else. Both things are really anger, one's anger with yourself and the other one is anger with someone else, and both of them are in avoidance of the addiction that you're actually in.

What you need to do to get out of this cycle, is to be really honest about your addictions. What I observe is, the majority of people don't want to be honest about their addictions at all. In a recent seminar at Kyabra, it was called Understanding your Emotional Self. (Relationship with God - Understanding your emotional self - S3P1 & S3P2 - 20140524, S4P1 & S4P2 - 20140525).

I talked to a group of people, who were involved in an interaction, to different emotions they were experiencing. Very few of them wanted to see what was really going on, one of them reverted to feeling like she was to blame, when she wasn't. The other one reverted to feeling like someone else was to blame, when they weren't and she was actually the blame for unloving behaviour, and many of them had no desire to work through why they didn't have direct, honest communication with the real problem, and so we find this happening all the time.

All of its driven by emotions of self-deception. They want to believe that it's this problem or that problem, when it's not. Many people who are abusive towards other people, want to believe that the other people are being abusive to them – that's the reality, that's how they justify their abusive behaviour. We have many people interact with us, who get angry with us or attempt to abuse us, and then when we draw the line in the sand, they tell us that we're the ones being unloving.

How is that? Like how do they even come to that conclusion? By deceiving themselves, that's how they come to that conclusion. Many people desire self-deception, and we've got to examine the reason why, and the main reason why is we don't want to let go of our addictions. We would prefer to have our addictions met, and when they don't get met we either punish ourselves, or punish someone else, but our addictions are still there and we're still not acknowledging them.

**Mary:** And often we're crying, not recognising that we're crying, because we're angry or we're not getting ... That's something we talked about in that talk of Emotions of Self Deception.

Correct

**Mary:** But basically you are saying all of this emotional stuff, that's going on in this state, is occurring because we want to avoid the truth of our addictions.

Yes, and we want to avoid the truth of our fears, and we want to avoid the feeling and experiencing the real pain. We are very clever at substituting pain: in other words we decide that that pain over there is too hard for me to experience, but this pain is okay, I can handle that pain. Now if you get into that state, where you start substituting pain – which is a self-deceptive state – you'll find eventually even that pain becomes frustrating, and too painful to experience. Even the self-deception pain will eventually become frustrating to experience.

**Mary:** Well even more frustrating really won't it, because there's no relief.

Of course, there's no relief from it ever, ever because it's just a self-deception; it's just an emotion we're creating to avoid another emotion, so it's self-deception, and while we feel those emotions, nothing will change, not a single thing will change; we cannot become at-one with God while we are doing this.

You see we've got to be a lot more truthful with ourselves, and the majority of people aren't very truthful with themselves when they begin this process, and they've got to go through the process of going, "Wow, I just did all that to avoid a whole heap of things, and I might as well stop doing it. I may as well instead look at what I'm avoiding by doing it, that's what I need to do, become really honest about what's really going on inside of myself."

And you can get help to do that: if you want you can go to a psychologist to get some help to do that, there are some good people, psychologists who might be able to help you say, "Well there you go again you're off feeling something that's not even true". "There you go again, there you go again now you're drama queening again", like, "Now you're creating this emotion of self-deception again" and eventually we might realise every time we do it, and then realise what the motivation is, and that's the key thing – we need to find the motivation for our self-deception and there's always a motivation.

**Mary:** And this is where you said earlier that it's an issue of will. So basically we need to find where our will, is actually directed away from causal emotion and why? What's motivating that will?

What do I really want to do here? What am I trying to achieve here? What I'm trying to achieve is avoidance of my addictions. I'm trying to be clueless about my addictions, that's what I'm trying to do; I've got to be honest about that, if I'm ever going to get beyond my addictions; I've got to be honest about my addictions to get beyond them.

I've got to be honest about my fear in order to feel it, I've got to be honest about the pain that's in me, before I'll feel the pain that's in me. Most people are not. So what we do instead is, we create a whole group of other emotions, which are all self-created often, or learned techniques that we learnt – usually during our later childhood years – of how to avoid the emotion, and then we engage those particular techniques, and we think we are emotionally processing. No you are not.

Not processing through emotion, you're not actually working through it, you're not actually experiencing causal emotion, you're just creating new emotions to feel so that you can avoid doing that, and avoid telling yourself the truth, that you're really scared of getting to what is the real problem. This is a problem with not acknowledging fear, is that we eventually create emotions of self-deception, in order to not acknowledge what is really the problem, because we are too afraid to acknowledge what is really the problem.

**Mary:** So then if we go back to the second part of this question, could you talk about what signs there may be, when we're actually getting somewhere. So when we're actually starting to move through causal emotion, or even addictions – because there is a process, isn't there.

Well we've talked about the signs of what happens when you are not, let's talk about some the signs, of what happens when you are. When you are actually processing through causal emotion, every time you process an emotion, you feel relief. Your body will physically change: you will notice less lines on your face, you'll notice any weight that you've put on temporarily comes off again; you'll notice that you feel more joy, you feel more alive and more engaged.

You'll also feel more sensitive to truth as a result, so you notice things more than you did before, and also your behaviour is more loving, automatically.

**Mary:** You mean to say you're not trying.

You're not trying to be loving; you just automatically feel like you want to be loving, and you automatically are as a result. These are all signs that you actually are processing through causal emotion. If none of those things are actually occurring, then you're not processing through causal emotion, no matter how much you cry, no matter how much you feel fear, no matter how much you're feeling shame – you're not processing through causal emotion – you're in the addiction and you need to be honest with yourself.

Basically what we can say, is if there is no positive change towards love that's automatic, then you are not processing causal emotion. Now there are only two reasons why that could be occurring: one is that you're processing through the layers of addiction, and it's only when you get to the causal emotion, that eventually there will be some release – and we do need to process through the layers of addiction, we do need to come to see our addictions, that is certainly true.

But while we're doing that, we probably will find that, we're not outwardly much different than what we were before, because it's our causal emotion that needs to change that changes everything. We might be doing that, or more often than not we are in emotions of self-deception, if we're feeling emotion, where we're going through all these different emotional experiences, and none of them are real, and none of them are real because we don't want any of them to be real. We need to understand that it's the use of our will.

**Mary:** Yes, do you think there are signs that we have, even before we get to releasing causal emotion, if we are in the process of working through addictions and getting more in contact with fear, do you think that there are signs that we have?

Of course there are signs, but they're much more difficult to read from an external perspective.

**Mary:** And this is where we have to be really honest with ourselves isn't it? Like if we're really honest and we hear all this theory, we can start to identify, am I in self-deception, am I working through addiction, is this causal emotion?

Yes, causal emotion is beautiful to feel, you'll enjoy feeling it probably, it causes you to feel connected to your soul, even if it's grief, it's terrible grief or fear, it feels you're connected with your soul. There's always a relief in your body afterwards, there's always a relief in your emotional state afterwards, things around you, your Law of Attraction changes instantly, as soon as you've actually made a release of a causal emotion, your attractions will change instantly.

You'll be less influenced by spirits, you'll be more positive, less negative and so you know, these are the changes that will automatically occur, and if they are not occurring you would need to examine, "there's quite a likelihood I'm in self-deception, or I'm processing through my addictions, one of two."

There are signs you are processing through your addictions, and it's quite simple, your addictions reduce. When you process through your addictions, and you become more afraid. In other words, if you are truly processing through your addictions, you don't revert to anger. Anger is a sign that you are not processing through your addictions. If you are truly processing through your addictions, what happens is you become more afraid, because remember every addiction was created in order to cover over your fear.

As you expose every addiction, you feel more fear as a result, so if you are becoming more afraid, and you notice in your life, there's less physical and emotional addictions, then that means you're processing through your addictions. But if you're not becoming more afraid, then you're not processing through your addictions, because your addictions are the layer upon your fear.

Becoming more afraid is actually a good sign, if you're processing through your addictions, you're not yet at your causal emotion perhaps, but there is the sign that there is something happening, that's causing you to shift from being in denial, into being aware of the underlying fear that drives most of your addictive behaviour. That's how you know you're working through addiction.

**Mary:** Yes, that's great.

It may take quite a few years for the average person on the planet, to work through addiction. We have usually established addictions at a very, very young age and usually most of them have been taught to us, and so it does take time to work our way through those addictions, and allow ourselves to feel the fear that's underneath, that drives those addictions. The fear of grief or the fear of other childhood emotions, even the fear of just being a child, causes you to do all sorts of things in addiction.

**Mary:** What about this situation that I see occurring, where people hear about Divine Truth, they hear about addictions and a lot of people have been totally clueless that they've lived their entire life in addiction, they've thought that it's normal, and that it's love when your addictions get met, and then they sort of go, "Oh wow!"

They start to acknowledge.

**Mary:** They start to acknowledge intellectually, that there are issues and they restrict their lifestyle and their habits in certain ways, in an effort to try to not be in so much addiction, or challenge their addictions.

So they feel some guilt about their addictions.

**Mary:** Yes.

In other words, yes I'm guilty, I did do that.

**Mary:** And that is not loving.

And that's not loving and I can see that, so that they then feel motivated to try to address some of these addictions.

**Mary:** Yes and then I notice people get to this point where they just feel terrible, they feel like there's no point, it's all painful, it's all yucky, it's all ...

Yes still all self-deception, because this is avoidance of their fear. Like so they're coming up to the fear wall, you can say the wall of fear is there, (Indicates with hand) like so, and they're coming up to the fear wall, as they deal with each addiction and as they notice each addiction, they are coming closer and closer to their wall of fear. What I notice is most people even just start to see their wall of fear, and then they run away, and most people run away from Divine Truth at that point, actually.

That's the point where almost everybody who's ever left Divine Truth, ever left the way, has left because they've come face to face with their fear, and they don't want to face their fear, so they go; they just run away. Many of them run away for years, and some centuries, and some thousands of years. Some of them run away for a long time, because they don't want to actually confront, and work their way through their fears.

We need to be honest with ourselves even there, if we feel like we're getting to a place where we are just feeling like sad all the time, not motivated, apathetic, don't want to go forward, don't want to go back; that's because their terrified, and we need to start letting ourselves feel our terror, feel our fear about what's really going on.

What I find is most people – particularly women – but most people, are very intolerant of the emotions of fear, and they'll do almost anything to avoid them, and they'll blame anybody in order to avoid them, and they'll get angry with anybody in order to avoid them, and they'll say all sorts of lies, and all sorts of things to avoid them, and they'll engage in all sorts self-deception in order to avoid them.

We've got to be honest with ourselves in that place, and we've got to say, "actually you know what, I'm really just terrified." And once we even acknowledge that, we have a stronger ability to develop the desire to feel it. In the end it's only the desire to feel it, that will motivate us to get through that, and for me it's my desire for my relationship with God, and my relationship with you (my soulmate), that motivates me through those fears – motivates me to just sit in the fear and feel it, rather than acting upon it.

What I've found is, there's got to be something that's more important to you, than the fear itself, in order for you to go through fear and that's why I feel most people don't go through their fear, because there's nothing more important to them than their fear. They honour their fear, they treat it like a god, and as a result they don't have much of a desire to work through it.

To develop a desire to work through your fear, is a very key part of this path. By the time you're at-one with God, fear is non-existent in your life: that means you live every day in harmony with Truth. In this world that we live in now, that's a very difficult thing to do, because the majority of people are going to be very, very challenged by you living in harmony with Truth, and that's the reason why you don't want to do it.

Most people are so afraid of living in harmony with Truth, and that's the reason why, when they come to their fear wall, they run away and tell themselves a whole heap of lies doing so. Because it's preferable than telling themselves the truth, go through their fear, and then finding out, that all the things they were afraid of actually have happened.

Like they are now getting attacked by their family and their friends, they lost their job because of this particular reason, and that particular reason; their life is falling apart now, like potentially that's what they feel – it's not true, but that's what they believe – their life will fall apart now if they fully engage the truth, and they fully engage living in harmony, with all of their emotions all the time. They believe that they are going to create a huge mess, and so they hit that wall and run away.

**Mary:** Yes and you talked about this, in a talk that you gave at an assistance group in Texas last year in 2013 Something that has been very powerful for me working through and that is, dealing with the sense of hopelessness, that many of us experience as a child, because there was no way out, there was no way of getting those emotions out and feeling better, or there was no way to avoid a continual situation where we didn't feel like ...

Well the sad thing for most children is this: they had some kind of negative emotion projected at them from their parents. They usually probably tried to cry about it initially; they were told they'd get more violence if they cried, generally that's the case. Now we've got a problem, now the parent has shut down, not only the emotional experience from the first emotion, but has also told them, that they will get more violent reaction from the parent, if they cry about the first one.

That's an injustice upon an injustice; that's the sad thing and most of us have experienced it. Once we've experienced that we feel like, "what's the point, like I can't even cry about how I've been treated, let alone feel about how I've been treated and how bad that was; I can't even cry about it anymore, and I'm treated as if that's bad as well" and so yes, many of us are going to get to the wall of fear, and realise that actually it's a lot about feelings of hopelessness and despair.

**Mary:** There's no point moving through emotion, because it's this childhood experience of feeling very restricted, and that even when I cry, it doesn't mean it's not going to happen again, which is really ...

Most of the time when we were a child if we did cry, it did happen again, or it even was worse. This is our problem as a child, is we go, "Oh it's worse if I cry so I've got to turn off crying," and then we finish up growing up saying, "I'm not emotional, I'm not emotional" and then we wonder why.

Because of course you've been shut down terribly, that's why, so you need to allow yourself to feel about that.

**Mary:** And to feel, for myself feeling that sense of hopelessness, has not only assisted me with desire, and you were talking about having a purpose, having something that will cause us to want to move through fear. For myself, experiencing some of that emotion has enabled me to re-establish desires for God for you (Jesus) and even for myself, and to be happy but I suppose I'm sharing that just by way of encouragement to people who are sitting camped out in front of that wall of fear, feeling yuk, but not really just connecting to the reasons why they feel so hopeless.

Yes, I feel that this wall of fear though, most people don't camp out in front of it. (Laughs)

**Mary:** Maybe that's just me; I camped out for a while.

You have, but most people don't, they get to it, they even just look at it and they go, Argh and off they go.

**Mary:** And they go.

They're just gone, and then they use all sorts of justification, anger and all sorts of other things, to justify and usually condescension, belittling and all sorts of justification about The Way, and go, "no that's not the way" and all that kind of stuff to tell themselves, and it's all just avoidance of their terror, that's all it is and they tell themselves all sorts of things in that place. Like we've had many, many people tell themselves all sorts of things as you know.

And you know how hard it is to sit in front of that terror, and just sit there and sit there, and sit there without any addictions any more, to help you cover them over.

**Mary:** That is pretty painful.

It's a pretty painful place, and you know it's taken a bit of encouragement from myself, and also discussion with each other, about the Truth about God, like that God wants you through this place, that you can trust God through this place, that you can have faith that this is how your soul is made through this place, and that things will get better through this place. Then you've had a few experiences of your own, which have caused your life to get better and then you realise, "wow yes I can trust all of that" and then you start moving through that barrier of fear, but the majority of people don't do that.

They don't sit in front of their fear long enough to do that, but they get to their fear and choong, off they go, and for many on the path, they haven't even got to their fear yet, because they're still steeped in their addictions.

**Mary:** Yes.

And not even honest about what those addictions are, and so they never get to see their fear of course, and this is the trouble with all these self-deceptions, is that we never get to our addictions, we never get to our fears. How can you ever get to your real causal emotional pain – that's causing most of your unloving behaviour – if you're unwilling to even deal with your addictions or your fears? The answer is you can't.

And so my suggestion to a person is if they feel stuck, wherever they feel stuck, so they might feel stuck in acknowledging their addiction; just sit there, feel that place and how pointless it feels and how much of a struggle it feels, and feel that place and at some point in your future you will decide, I want to get through this place.

I don't want to go back to the life I had before, I don't want to be steeped in these addictions that cause me to be unloving, I want to get through and be a more loving person, and eventually your desire will build strong enough if you allow it, and if you actively exercise the muscle of desire, which we'll talk about more in the coming assistance groups, you will actually eventually have enough will to go, "Yes I want to feel my addictions, I want to know what they are, I want to work through them. I want to get to the point where I'm face to face with my fear."(Laughs)

Then once we're face to face with our fear, and we're just sitting there terrified, looking at this mountain of fear that we feel in front of us – and bear in mind that it looks like a mountain, because everyone who's terrified always thinks it's a mountain – and we stay there in that place until we have a strong enough desire to actually start processing it, to actually feel it as an emotion and let it go, and then we get through with that and then we get though our fear, and that's how we get though our fear.

**Mary:** And a lot of that is working through the false beliefs we have about fear even, isn't it, those things that I was referring to, the hopelessness ...

We have hundreds of false beliefs.

**Mary:** Judgement, there's so much judgement about fear on the planet as well I feel.

Not only just judgement, it's like false beliefs other than judgement exist. You know like there's so much false justification of: I shouldn't have to go through it, it's not safe for me to go through it, I'm going to be worse if I go through it. There's all sorts of things we tell ourselves, and most people are telling themselves those things. And so of course they never get through it, because they are listening to their own lies.

**Mary:** Yes.

God doesn't believe that you can't go through fear, God doesn't believe that it's pointless, God doesn't believe that afterwards you are going to be in some like weird state that you don't know; You're going to be better.

**Mary:** Well it will be weird, because you've never felt so good.

Well it might, but it won't be weird in the sense of, it won't be a sad place, or a bizarre place; it's actually a place where you feel more desire, and more passion in your life, more happiness, more joy. If we're not feeling those things on the path and if we're stuck, then it's because we are usually justifying ourselves not progressing forward, and the only reason why you wouldn't progress forward, is because you're afraid.

You really need to start facing what that wall of fear is, if you're really going to progress, and if you haven't even touched your addictions yet, you're never going to see it, because your addictions are there to cover it all over. It's like putting up a huge concrete wall, and then putting a big ivy over it, some plant over it, so you can't see it. That's what we've done with our fear most of us, we go, oh isn't this environment so pretty, but I can't move in that direction, because there's a solid wall there, but it's not a wall it's just a lovely ivy – it's a lovely plant that covers it all over.

That's how we see our fear, most of us are in complete denial of it, because we want our addictions met, and we're not honest about that, and once we get through that place, where we actually want our addictions, and we want to see our addictions and see what they are, feel what they are, then we come face to face with our wall of fear, and the key at that point is don't run away.

Because if you run away, you are going to do a lot of damaging things, when you run away. You will because you'll be living in your fear, and it's not a very wise course of action to run away. You are better off taking up camp and sitting there, than you are running away, and even better than that would be to start examining all your beliefs about fear.

**Mary:** Yes and ...

And accepting God's beliefs about them.

**Mary:** And the only way to accept God's beliefs about them, is to emotionally connect, emotionally connect to our beliefs about fear.

Correct.

**Mary:** In my experience.

Correct.

**Mary:** It's all fine to have a discussion about it, but until we just really emotionally connect, with what we believe is going to happen, when we feel fear, that's the only time we make space for God's Truth to enter us.

That's right.

**Mary:** And motivate us towards actually releasing the fear.

That's right, yes. So for, I don't know the ladies name.

**Mary:** There was no name.

Good, there's no name. For this lady who asked this question, and I feel lots and lots of people are in this state, my suggestion is, if you notice now that you are in emotions of self-deception, that's great, because you now see, "Oh I've been fooling myself" and that's really good to see that, but look at the reasons why, and the reasons primarily why, are, that you do not want to face the addictions that you have, because you don't want to let them go.

And if you are ever going to progress forward, you're going to have to face them, to let them go, or you do not want to face the fears you have, and you don't want to let them go, and if you are going to progress forward, you are going to have to let them go. That means you're going to have to face them at some point.

What I would suggest for people in this position, is that they allow themselves to examine their addictions more completely, and also they need to be more honest with themselves about their addictions. Then also in addition to that, they need to allow themselves to come face to face with their wall of fear, and instead of running away and instead of using techniques to run away – like they always have all their life – they need to be far more honest with themselves, and allow themselves to just sit there and feel it for a while.

And feel how terrified they are and allow themselves to work through their false beliefs about fear. God doesn't have any false beliefs about fear, God knows it's just an emotion. (Laughs)

**Mary:** Thanks honey.

No worries.

5. What does God feel about us, or for us, when we are afraid?

**Mary:** This question is from Amanda and she asks, "What does God feel about us, or for us, when we are afraid?"

Feel about us, and for us? Well for a start, God does not feel anything for us, aside from love and compassion and kindness, and all those kind of things. God doesn't feel for us in the sense of feeling our emotions with us, so I'm sure Amanda knows that anyway; but God does feel lots of loving emotions for us – all the time – whether we're in fear or not. It's always just loving emotions that God feels for us. So when we feel fear, God feels compassion for us. God of course knows that we don't need to feel it; God knows that fear is a figment of our – or our environment's – creation. It's not reality from God's perspective; it's just an emotion we have to go through.

From God's perspective, God doesn't have any negative feelings about us, when we feel fear; but God knows that when we're afraid, we will often break God's Laws – we will often break the principles of the Universe. God is always trying to help us deal with fear. That's why there are a lot of, usually, fear-based events that happen in the average person's life, because they are attracting fear-based events, in order for them to work through the emotions of fear from their childhood, and let them all go so that they can have a good life, and a happy life. God is always trying to help people go through fear, but God doesn't want to punish us for our fear. The Laws themselves correct our fears. Every time we act in harmony with fear, we automatically have a consequence that occurs as a result of our fear, that impacts upon our soul. Also often, if we've acted in harmony with fear with other people, upon their souls too.

God knows that it's a sad situation when we honour our fear, for us, but it's not for God. God's okay with us using our free will to choose to live in our fear, rather than not. Of course God knows too, that we could choose differently; we could choose to no longer live in our fear, and no longer honour it as god and trust God, trust the emotional process, trust and have faith in God's Love. God knows that we could choose that; God often observes us not choose that, God often sees that we choose exactly the opposite to that. Every time that we do, God knows that it's just going to be a longer time before we're happy. God has compassion for us choosing unhappiness, but God also knows there's no reason to choose unhappiness.

**Mary:** What I notice a lot on Earth, especially in relation to fear, is that people often confuse commiseration for compassion. Commiseration to me is a feeling, that if I feel commiseration with you ...

If I feel sad, you'll feel sad with me.

**Mary:** I'll feel sad with you, and also there's an inherent feeling like; it is too hard. Like with fear – yes – fear is hard, this commiseration.

God doesn't feel that at all.

**Mary:** Yes, God feels compassion, which is actually far more challenging of the error-based state, isn't it?

Correct.

**Mary:** But a lot of people feel that that's not compassion, because they usually associate commiseration with compassion.

With compassion, yes. God doesn't commiserate with our fear; God's not agreeing with it. God doesn't think; well no, you should hold on to your fear forever.

**Mary:** It is a bit too hard for you.

It's too hard for you, don't do it. God doesn't ever feel any of those things. God wants us to feel our fear, because if we feel our fear we will work through it; if we don't feel our fear we will live in it. If we live in it we're going to do all sorts of things, that are out of harmony with God's Love; we're going to have more pain in our soul as a result; we're going to create more pain on the Earth when we live in our fear. God knows that the best thing for us to do, is to work through our fear.

That's why a lot of God's Laws are always trying to correct our fear, bringing us fear-based events, all the things we're afraid of, so that we can work through the fear itself. God's trying to lovingly help us through the process of addressing our fears. God doesn't have any negative feelings though about it. God doesn't want to punish us because we've had fear. God knows the cause of our fear often is not just the results of our own choices, but the results perpetrated towards us from other people's choices.

God knows that other people have chosen to do things, that often cause a lot of our fear as well. God also knows that while we feel fear, we can't feel much love. God wants us to let go of the fear, so that we can feel God's Love, and also feel each other's love. You can't have even a relationship with another person while you are afraid of that person.

**Mary:** God has a great confidence in us as well, doesn't he? That we can deal with fear.

Well of course: God is supremely confident about our ability to deal with our fear, because God created us to deal with it. When you've created a perfect creation, you don't get all worried going; "Oh, I don't know if they're going to be able to do it. I don't know if ..." God knows that we're going to be able to do it, and that it's just a choice. A choice that we may at the moment be unwilling to make, but at some point in our future we are going to need to make it, if we're ever going to be happy. God doesn't worry about it because God knows that God created a perfect soul. God knows your ability to deal with anything that's happened to you. God created you with the ability to deal with anything that's happened to you; that's the remarkable part about the human soul. No matter how bad we've been treated throughout our life, and how long and extended that treatment has been, God knows that we can heal from such treatment.

God knows that with God's help we can go through anything; not just go through it, but heal from it. What I see a lot in religious life today, on Earth: a lot of people do believe God helps you go through things, but they don't believe that you can be healed, from going through those things. God knows that you can be healed so long as you follow The Way. You can be healed from every single injury you carry, including all of those injuries towards God, if you follow The Way. God's got a lot of confidence in his own creation, as a perfect creator would have.

**Mary:** Yes, and sometimes I like to think about that, in terms of God's opinion of my capacity to deal with fear, is often very different to my own.

Yes, and God knows that your capacity is much greater than what you currently believe it to be: that's the reality too. God created our soul to have this ability to have an infinite capacity eventually. As we receive more and more of God's Love, we're approaching this infinite capacity, that God created our soul to have as a potential. God knows that we've got the ability to deal with any emotion. So do literally millions of Celestial spirits know the same thing; they know that we can deal with emotion because they've done it. They've gone through all of their negative emotional experiences, processed through all of their fear. They no longer have any fear inside of their soul; they've done it, they know that it's possible. Often they're trying to encourage you that it's possible, but every time we come up to that wall of fear we go, "Argh!", and run away.

Even if, like I said in a previous answer, if we just sat in front of our fear and just felt it for a while, feel what it's all about, and feel the false beliefs associated with it, we would get through it. But the majority of people don't do that: they come up to their fear; as soon as they come up to their fear they hit their fear, and once they've hit their fear, the first thing they wish to do is just run off and run away. That is the main problem with most people who discover The Way to God. They discover The Way, they follow it for a little bit until they hit their fear, and then they want to give it up straight away. That's not a person, who has a very strong desire to become at-one with God. When you have a really strong desire to become at-one with God, you're willing to go through any of your emotions to do so. If that means going through fear and terror that you've got in you anyway – that needs to be out of you anyway if you're ever going to be happy – then you desire to go through it; rather than run away.

God knows all of those things, and God's pretty relaxed with our feelings of fear, but God also knows, that every time we choose to live in harmony with our fear, we're choosing to walk away from truth, we're choosing to walk away from love, and of course all we're choosing is more pain for ourselves and God knows that.

The beauty of having complete knowledge of the human soul, and being the creator of it, is that God has nothing to fear, about the capacity that He designed in our soul. He knows that we can deal with all of those things. It's just we, ourselves, that do not know. It's just we, ourselves, that need to address why we're willing to imbibe and retain false beliefs, that are the main thing that governs our fear.

Remember, fear is the "false beliefs appearing real" to us, so every time we come up to this wall of fear we're not seeing, initially we're not seeing, that actually this entire wall is all about the construction of false beliefs – emotional, that are emotional within us – that we think are real and true and they're all false. From God's perspective they're all false; from God's perspective it doesn't really exist; this fear doesn't really exist. He knows it exists as an emotion, as a human creation, but God never created fear. Any person who becomes at-one with God lives in a state where they are completely fearless.

**Mary:** That's great, thank you.

6. Is it possible to maintain a connection with God when we are afraid?

**Mary:** This question is from Amanda. She asks, "Is it possible to maintain a connection with God when we are afraid?

Well, here we need to define a few things: like what do we mean by "connection with God"? Do we mean that during this connection with God we could be receiving God's Love? Let's say, instead of the words "connection with God" we say, "is it possible to be receiving God's Love when we are afraid?" Well the answer to that question really is; it depends whether we're feeling our fear, or not.

**Mary:** Or living in it.

Or living in it; well as I originally said, just feeling our fear, or not. If we are feeling our fear as an experience, if the fear is actually as an emotion passing through us, then any other emotion can also pass through us at the same time. This means love, including God's Love, can pass through us, so theoretically it is possible to maintain a connection with God, or receive God's Love, as you are feeling your fear. The problem is though, that when we talk about people being afraid, they're usually not feeling their fear. Now they have blocked themselves to feeling the emotion of fear.

If you're blocked to one emotion, according to what we have discussed as to how the human soul functions, that's the attitude of Preclusion. While one emotion is within you, and you're blocked to feeling it, you are now also blocked to feeling other emotions as well. You are also suppressing: the process of suppression is that you can't suppress one thing, and hope that you're not suppressing everything else. There are principles about how the soul functions here now, that are governed by what is the answer to the question. So the answer to the question is, if we are afraid but we are not feeling the experience of our fear, in other words we're in the feeling of fear in the sense of we live by it ...

**Mary:** So it's inside of us and we base our decisions around avoiding it?

Yes, and we're not feeling it, yes, it is impossible under those circumstances to feel a connection with God, and to feel the flow of God's Love. It's also impossible to feel any connection with truth, and probably impossible to feel much of a connection with desire, particularly a desire in the direction that we're trying to restrict the fear. There are a lot of things that are impossible actually, if we stay in that state. But as soon as we choose to feel and experience the fear, now these other things become possible: now we have the ability to receive some truth about it, now we have the ability to actually receive some of God's Love, while we're experiencing the emotion of fear. This is the beautiful thing. Sometimes you can be going through the emotion of fear, and at the same time receiving God's Love, as a confirmation that this is what you need to do – right at the same time.

This is the beautiful thing about our relationship with God: if we allow the emotion to flow, and have a longing for God's Love at the same time, then God's Love can also flow at the same time. The beauty of that is that it confirms to us, that what we are doing is the right thing; this is why I can speak with a lot of conviction about emotions, because I've had that confirmation from God about these emotions, by going through the experience.

Every person who goes through this experience, will have the same confirmation. What I suggest to people is to say; "Okay, let's look at this issue of being afraid. Are we actually feeling the experience of being afraid, or are we in denial of our fear?". We're just walking around afraid everywhere we go without feeling it, and it's governing every one of our actions. Now if it's the second – if we're walking around afraid and it governs every one of our actions and we're not feeling the fear itself – then no, we can't maintain a connection with God.

I suggest to everyone, that you can't even maintain a connection with anyone else unless they are also in a state of fear – that's the sad thing – you won't be able to maintain a connection with anyone who is in a state of truth, anyone who is out of their addictions and out of their fear, you won't be able to be connected to either. Not just God, but also any one of those other people, you won't be able to connect to; you will only be able to connect to the people who have the same fears you do – that's the reality – and you will feel drawn to them.

**Mary:** And then your connection is based around the avoidance of that fear, rather than love.

Correct, rather than the feeling of it; when you choose to feel it, all of those people will disappear from your life. All of the people who have the same fear as you, who do not want to feel it, will all run away from you. You will be left alone to feel it, which will be fantastic because you do need to feel it, alone. Then once you work your way through it, even as you are working your way through it, as you are experiencing it emotionally, you can not only receive God's Love, you can receive God's Truth. You can receive other people's love; you can receive their truth. You can do all sorts of things in your relationships now that you couldn't do before.

**Mary:** So actually holding on to fear, and basing our decisions around it, and trying to pray and connect to God at times, at other times we're far less likely; and even it's impossible for us to connect with God, in any sustainable way while we live in that state. Whereas as soon as we begin to feel it, we enable more connection with God, with truth, with love, from all sources.

Yes, that 's the beautiful thing of going through your fear. If you go through your fear, what you finish up doing, is you finish up coming to this point where you now trust God. You now trust that working your way through your fear, is going to change your life, completely change your life. You now are willing to go through the process of feeling your fear. The beautiful thing about going through the process is, as you're going through it, you receive love from God; that is just a wonderful thing because that gives you confirmation that you're doing the right thing. It's only the avoidance of it, that causes you to stop receiving God's Love in that moment. If you have a real heartfelt longing for God's Love, while you're going through your terror or fear, you will receive some of God's Love, while you are going through the experience – that then confirms to you that the experience was worth going through.

**Mary:** Yes, it's a beautiful thing.

But what most people do is, they come up to their wall of fear, they hit it, and then they run away; they don't get to feel that if you feel it flow through you, and also have a longing for God's Love at the same time, that you actually have confirmation that you're on the right track, from God. You also at the same time have received some of God's Love and God's Truth in the process. You've also received some truth from God about fear: that it's actually just an emotion that you can process, and you don't need to be so afraid of your fear – which is what most people are.

**Mary:** This is why faith can grow exponentially, can't it? Once we start to really feel our fears and causal emotions. Because as we start to do it, we begin to have experiences that confirm things in a real way, so it's not just a theory. That inspires us to have more, which gives us more emotional confirmation. So faith grows exponentially. The key is starting that process, isn't it?

Yes, like I've said, we've been teaching this process, I've been teaching this process for many, many years now. Many people have listened to it for six or seven years, and yet they haven't got beyond their wall of fear. While they don't, they don't get to experience the flow of God's Love by going through their fear. That means they don't get to experience any positive effects, of listening to the Divine Truth, and so they run away from it – naturally so – you're going to do that. There are going to be many people who continue to do that, until they realise that the way to experience some of God's Love, and the way to actually work your way through things, is to actually allow the flow of emotion in our soul, while you're having a longing for God's Love. As you allow that to occur you will receive some of God's Love, and that will become the confirmation you need that this is the way forward. You won't need to rely on AJ telling you, or Jesus telling you, any more. You will be able to look at the situation, of what's occurred between you and God, and you will have received direct confirmation from God that this is the way forward.

7. Don't most people come to God because of fear?

**Mary:** This next comment and question comes from Renee. She says, "Don't most people come to God because of fear? For example, when people are afraid of dying, they seem to cry out to God. Doesn't this mean that fear is a good thing?"

This is a funny question. Fear is not a good thing, ever, including if it motivates you to come to God because of it; because if you're coming to God because of fear, you don't understand God at all. Because God doesn't respond to your fear – God responds to love, God responds to desire for truth – God doesn't respond to your fear. A lot of people do, so-called, "come to God" because of fear, but they don't have a relationship with God – they never will – because when you come to God because of fear, you're not going to God at all. God doesn't honour your fear; God doesn't want you to live in it. God knows that your fear is an emotion you just need to feel. When your fear motivates you to go to God, then you're not really going to God at all, at all.

Now that is in direct contrast, with what half of the world's religions will teach you, but the reality is that God is not interested in people who come to God out of fear; God's interested in people who come to God out of desire. That's why a person who is in fear, whether it's of God, or what's about to happen to them because of God's creations, will never receive God's Love, because God does not respond to fear at all. You can tell yourself you came to God because of fear; you didn't. You didn't come to God because of fear, because there's no such God who responds to it. You come to some imaginary God because of fear. The relationship, I would suggest, such a person has with God, is imaginary as well, because the reality is, you do not have a relationship with God, unless fear is outside of the relationship.

So in other words, you've got to work your way through your fears, in order to come to God.

**Mary:** And what about pain? When people are in extreme emotional pain and they cry out for God, or they ...

Yes, well a lot of times it's impurely motivated. God knows our motivation, and also bear in mind that much of our pain occurs because of God's natural Laws, so when we cry out to God saying, "Please don't let me have so much pain", we're saying to God; "Please don't let me live by your Laws." Of course God can't respond to that. Now if our pain causes us to see that we've done something, or we're acting in something that's out of harmony with love, and we go to God because we can see that we're out of harmony, and we ask God how is it that we're out of harmony, now there's a prayer that God can answer. The prayer will be answered if it's in harmony with God's Laws and Will; for most of us, most of our prayers aren't in harmony, and that's why none of them are answered.

Every purely motivated prayer is always answered, so if we have a prayer that's not answered, it's because it's not purely motivated; it's selfish, usually people who are in pain become quite selfish. They want just the avoidance of their pain; they don't want to see what created their pain. Now God's very interested in us when we say to God, "Wow. I'm in a lot of pain – and we have an emotional feeling towards God – I want to know what this pain's all about. This pain has been created by me being out of harmony with love somehow, so please show me how." You know, God's going to definitely try to respond to that prayer. When I say "try", it just depends on how open we are to listening to the result, as to whether we will hear the answer. Most of the time we are pretty closed to the answers, but God will always try. God will even ask emissaries to give us answers under those circumstances.

But God's certainly not going to be driven by any prayer motivated by fear, or by self-interest, or by our pain, or our attempt to avoid it, unless there are more pure motivations involved. God knows our heart, and God's Love only responds to a pure heart – that's the beauty of it. We can't fool God – we might be fooling ourselves – but we're not fooling God. So if we look back at this question, basically Renee believes that she perhaps has been brought to "truth" by being afraid of God. No, you haven't: you haven't absorbed any truth at all if you're afraid of God.

**Mary:** Or being afraid of other things.

Or being afraid of other things. You haven't absorbed any truth then either. You are just living in your fear, and you've got no relationship with God, while you're in that place – none at all. The key is to see that: the key is to go, "Okay, I think that fear of God is a good thing, and it's not. It's not a good thing." It doesn't matter what the World's religions teach you, fear of God is not a good thing. You can't love someone you're afraid of; you can't believe they are going to love you – that's the reality – you can't. If you're afraid of being punished, or you're afraid of something bad happening to you, because you don't come to God, then you haven't got a pure desire for a relationship with God. You want to come to God because you're afraid of something bad happening if you don't – that's not loving.

Also, you're blaspheming God in that place: you're basically implying that God's going to harm you unless you worship God. That's like saying, "Oh, my Government's going to put me in jail unless I believe what the Government believes." What's the difference between those two statements? Or, let's say we lived in Stalinist Russia and we go, "Oh, I'm going to be put in jail unless I tow the communist line." So, from God's perspective, "Unless I tow God's line, I'm going to be put in jail of some kind." Do you love that country if you're going to be put in jail if you do something that's completely different to what the country believes? And if God's going to put you in jail under the same circumstance, or punish you for something you've chosen to do, because you haven't worshipped God, then surely that God doesn't exist – at all –that God just does not exist.

If you believe that God exists, then you've got some pretty severe distortions about God's nature that you need to address, before you'll actually receive God's Love, because God doesn't like anybody implying to God, that God's a maniacal dictator who is willing to punish and destroy his own creations. The reality is that the average religion on this planet, who believes in God, believes that God is a maniacal dictator who is willing to destroy millions of people at once. Like, God's the worst murderer of all; God's the worst dictator of all; God's the worst person involved in genocide of the human race, under those circumstances – and that's not what God is.

So firstly, fear of God will never cause us to have a relationship with God; secondly, fear itself of our pain, or any other thing in our life, is not going to cause us to have a relationship with God. A relationship with God is driven by pure, desirous motivation – a longing.

**Mary:** A longing, and it's not a longing to avoid our pain or ourselves, or our fear.

No, no.

**Mary:** That's really what I felt Renee was getting at.

Totally.

**Mary:** Her desire to escape her pain and her fear is what brought her to God.

Yes, that's not a pure motivation and it hasn't brought her to God. I know this Renee, and she is not yet with God, in any way. She's not even begun her relationship with God yet. One of the main reasons is because she has this belief: that somehow her fear of her own pain can bring her to God – no, it cannot. You need to have no fear of your pain to go to God.

**Mary:** Well to connect to God, don't you ...?

Yes, God knows that you have no need to fear your pain. To connect to God you're going to need to have no fear of your pain – that's the reality – you're going to need to let yourself feel it. Fear shouldn't be the driving force of any relationship, let alone your relationship with God; if fear is a driving force in any relationship, it's never going to be a good relationship – ever – and that includes your relationship with God. You're going to believe God is something that God is not, which is actually blasphemous to God's character and nature, it's blasphemous to God's personality – even though God doesn't get offended by it – it's still blasphemous. In the sense that it's falsely portraying God to be something that God isn't, or it's portraying God to be something, I should say, that God isn't, instead of those two negatives that I keep using.

This is the thing that we need to bear in mind: often we imply, towards God, that God's terrible, when the reality is that God's just beautiful. Until we are driven by a motivation to know a beautiful God, then we're not really going to have a pure longing for God's Love, or a pure longing for the relationship.

So I disagree completely with her. No, anybody who says that fear has brought them to God, it has not brought you to God. It has brought you to a figment of your own imagination which is not God. Any feelings that you have from that figment of your imagination, probably come from spirits with whom you're in co-dependent addiction. It's not from God, because God cannot connect to a person who has false beliefs about God, and who wants to retain them and only wants to come to God for self-interest.

**Mary:** Thank you, very comprehensive.

8. Why do I use excuses to not feel my emotions?

**Mary:** This question is from Linda, she's asking about experiencing fear when she's in physical pain. She says, "For myself, I find that the biggest block is probably that I still want instant gratification. In other words, I pray about the condition, ask for assistance, touch on it, and very quickly bow out as it is too hard. I have only ever managed to get all the way through the fear, to a healing with regard to physical pain, twice so far and each time it has taken several hours to get there. But I often tell myself that I don't have the time right now, or I am too tired right now – and then I take a Panadol – so I don't even try. What is going on?"

Well, it's quite simple what's going on really: there's not much humility. In other words, she doesn't want to feel all of her own emotions; in particular, she doesn't want to face her addictions. The problem of wanting instant gratification is all about addiction; she wants instant gratification when it comes to physical pain. In other words she wants the pain to immediately disappear – pretty much everyone on the planet is like that. That's why pain relief industries are huge; pharmaceutical companies are all about pain relief, most of them. As a result they are huge enterprises on the planet, because the average person on the planet, wants to have instant gratification to avoid pain, particularly physical pain.

You see, I find it quite interesting too, that the majority of us are willing to avoid emotional pain, but not willing to avoid physical pain. What I mean by that, is this: emotional pain, we want to ignore; we want to remain in denial of it. We don't understand that this emotional pain, when we deny it, causes physical pain, another layer of pain. In other words, for Linda, you need to bear in mind that you've got your emotional pain. Your denial and suppression of your emotional pain causes your physical pain. You wanting instant gratification – to make this physical pain go away, by taking a Panadol or some kind of pain relief – is an indication that you do not want to feel the physical pain. The physical pain itself, I'm saying, is an indication that you do not want to feel the emotional pain.

You've got a number of problems: you don't want to feel the emotional pain, and as a result physical pain gets created; you don't want to feel your physical pain, or you want it to go away very rapidly, so you take a Panadol. Now when are you ever going to get to your emotional pain, if you keep doing this? Never, is the answer; you're not going to get to it. Now when you arrive in the Spirit world, you're not going to be able to take a Panadol for your physical pain; you're going to need to feel it. Why wouldn't you choose to start feeling it now? Why wouldn't you choose to start going through the feeling of it? The reason is because you don't want to feel your emotional pain. There are a number of layers of problems here. The layer of problems is: firstly there's an addiction to avoid emotional pain; on top of that there's an addiction to avoid, the result of suppressing emotional pain, which is the physical pain.

The physical pain is the result of suppressing the emotional pain, and you have an addiction to suppressing, even the physical pain. In other words, you want nobody to tell you ever, including all of God's Laws, to tell you ever that you've got a problem emotionally. The physical pain is telling you that you've got a problem emotionally, and you're not facing it, not facing it. The location of the pain is telling you what it's about. If it happens to be in your tummy at period time, it's telling you that you're avoiding some sexual issues, or emotional issues about being a woman, or stuff like that. If it's a headache pain, it tells you that you're probably avoiding grief. You're trying to shut down your grief, suppress your grief – that's why you're in physical pain.

A person who is using physical substances to avoid physical pain, has also got this other layer going on, which is, the physical pain is present because they've already used emotional things, emotional addictions, to avoid emotional pain – that's why they've got the double layer happening. Now, I can't ever see such a person getting, from their physical pain to their emotional pain, unless they first have a willingness to go through their physical pain, without having an avoidance of it, because the physical pain is a direct result of avoiding the emotional pain. It's almost like; I avoid the emotional pain, so I create the physical pain, and then I want to deny that I created it, by going away and getting a substance that helps me avoid the fact that it's my own creation.

This is an indication too, that there's no responsibility being taken, for what you are creating for yourself. You're not seeing the link between your emotions and the physical pain – the suppression of your emotions, and the physical pain. You're not seeing also, that every time you suppress your physical pain using a substance, you're actually avoiding the entire process, of the acknowledgment of what's really going on inside of your soul. It's fairly hard, very difficult, for a person who is doing such things, to ever get close to God, as a result. Obviously it's going to be very frustrating for those people, because they are in avoidance on a number of levels.

**Mary:** So that's what is going on. What's the alternative that Linda has?

Well the alternative is firstly – let's work backwards – the alternative is seeing the physical pain, as a direct result of the suppression of emotional pain: that's the first awareness that needs to occur. If you willingly feel the physical pain, you will know where it is, and therefore there's a fairly good chance, you will understand what emotion is driving it. Once you start feeling the emotion, that you've purposely been suppressing, then the physical pain will actually disappear. You will feel the emotional pain, and the physical pain will disappear – that's the reward of allowing the emotional pain to be felt – allow yourself to feel that. If the physical pain does not disappear, then you are not feeling the emotion that caused it; the physical pain will always disappear if you feel the emotion that caused it.

When I say feel the emotion that caused it, feel the suppression of the emotion that caused it, because the physical pain is always the result of suppression, resistance to the emotion; it's not the result of feeling an emotion. What I do myself, is I feel the physical pain and then I realise, "Ah, I'm still suppressing that emotion." I allow myself to feel about the emotion – whatever the emotion is – so like, a few nights ago I woke up with this feeling, about how disapproved of I am by my father, and I allowed myself to feel that emotion. My pain in my lower tummy – which has always been with me ever since I can remember, I've had it all my life, I still have it occasionally, still now, and it's been there all the time, constant pain all the time – it disappeared for about ten or fifteen minutes. Now I know I'm on the right track: my physical pain disappears, that tells me that I'm now on the right track for this emotion.

While I allow myself to feel that emotion, that physical pain will lessen, or disappear completely, so that's what I would do. You can experiment with that; you could go, "Okay, I'll feel this emotion. No that didn't work, my pain is still there. Well obviously that's not the emotion," and so forth. This is a beautiful system that God has created: it's a beautiful system because it gives you complete feedback, about what's going on inside of you. This is the fantastic thing about everything that God has done. You have right at this moment, right now as you're listening to this, each one of you has, and are, being given messages; you are being given messages at this moment, about what is wrong, what is going on inside of you, what emotions you're suppressing. The pain in your body – wherever that is – it's telling you where the emotions are, and what is being suppressed.

If you just allow yourself to feel it, you will probably discover the emotion you're suppressing – if you allow it. Most don't allow it; what they do is suppress that, then the pain comes, and then they suppress that. If you suppress that, you are in the process of complete denial of the emotional experience, and the physical experience. Now you're never going to be close to God doing this, but also you're never going to be happy doing this, and you'll never have any real relief, permanent relief from your physical condition. You will be reliant, you will become reliant on drugs, in order to suppress your physical condition and your physical pain. Most people on this planet are now completely reliant on drugs, until they die, as a result of these things occurring. Of course that's not the way God intended our life to be, but unfortunately it's the way that we've created our life to become, through our choice to suppress: our choice firstly to suppress our emotion, and then on top of that, the choice to suppress the physical results of suppressing our emotion.

I would suggest to Linda: you really need to have a good look at, How The Human Soul Functions. Taking this course of action is a result of fear; you are living in fear here taking these actions. You are afraid of pain, and you are also afraid of the underlying emotion, that has caused your pain. My suggestion is to allow yourself, to work your way through your fears about pain, and the causes of it, and to start to acknowledge the truth, about how God's designed your soul, and to see physical pain as a result of your own resistance. Your physical pain is a direct result of your own resistance; to see the linkage between those two things, and take responsibility for that. That will help you greatly, to discover what the emotional thing is inside of you, that you are suppressing, that causes your physical pain. It's a great way of finding out the truth of what's going on inside of you emotionally.

9. Why did God create fear? Is there actually a reason for it?

**Mary:** Why did God create fear? Is there actually a reason for it?

(Laughs) Why does anybody imagine that God created fear? There's no fear in God; no fear in love; there's no fear in any of God's universe aside from in people, so who created fear? Let's get it right: we created fear; we created fear by having false beliefs, that are emotionally placed inside of us through experiences, that we then don't want to let go of – that's how we created fear and we live by it. So we created fear, not God. God created the potential for the human soul to feel fear, just as God created the potential for the human soul to feel anger. This is what free will is: the potential to feel anything – so that's one aspect of free will.

By giving us the gift of free will, God gave us this gift, of being able to have any emotion we so choose, whether those emotions are of our own creation, or not – we can feel them. Now the only emotions that God actually created, that came from God, are all based around love; none of them are based around fear – so God didn't create fear. God gave you the gift of free will, and then God gave you the gift, of choosing what you wished to experience. What we wish to experience is fear; we want to live in fear – that's the human condition. Unfortunately we're willing to do that, because we don't want to face the truth; we don't want to come to know what the truth is. Truth is the antidote, if you like, to fear; truth gets rid of fear. That's why people on the Earth say, "Education, education, education."

What does education do? It removes people's fears – that's what it does – truth removes people's fears. The reality is, fear was created by humans, choosing to walk away from God, walk away from truth. That's how fear gets created; that's why you have fear in you now, because humans, historically – and even in your own life if you're reflective about it – you will see that you have walked away from truth, walked away from love, and walked away from God. That's what created your fear; that's why you have fear. God didn't create it; you did. Who is going to destroy it? Not God, because God says, "You have to destroy what you created." If you created fear, you're going to have to be the person that destroys it; I can't destroy it, it's not my creation. It's yours; you did it through the exercise of your free will. So you created the fear, you're going to have to remove it.

Now, when I say that, collectively we created the fear, individually that might not be specifically the case: in other words, as an individual, we may not be personally responsible for the creation of our fear, but the human race is certainly responsible, for the creation of fear on this planet. The human race is totally responsible for it, and it's only the human race that can remove it; through their actions, through their choices.

**Mary:** Through their will.

Through their will; through their desire to know the truth, and to practice it, and to live in harmony with love – fear will disappear. We have the potential on this planet of having a living system, including humans, where not a single thing in the living system has any fear – animals included, people, nobody has fear. That's our potential, but we chose a different potential, because we chose the error; we chose to live in the false beliefs, we chose to believe these false beliefs, we now choose to retain them. We now choose to oppose the truth; we're so much involved in this choice, that we actively oppose truth – we do. We kill people who tell us the truth, historically this has happened all the way through human history.

A person tells another person the truth, whether it be the truth about the universe, or the truth about life on Earth; and somebody comes along and kills the guy because they don't want to know the truth. It's that kind of attitude that has caused all of our fear, and it's that kind of attitude, is the reason why we have fear within us. So fear is not God's creation: in fact, there are many things that God has not ever created; all of them humans have created, because God gave you the gift of free will, and the gift to create. You can create; you're allowed to create fear if that's what you wish to create; you're allowed to create anger – God doesn't have it. You're allowed to create fear – God doesn't have it. You're allowed to create grief – God doesn't have it. You're allowed to create shame – God doesn't have it. You're allowed to create guilt – God doesn't have it.

These are all of our creations through what we choose to do with our will and we need to see it as such.

**Mary:** Yes, there's a lot of misunderstanding on the planet, isn't there, of the relationship between God's creation, and the use of our will,, in that many people believe that God created everything that exists, but actually God created this human soul, with huge potentialities to create all kinds of things, through the use of will. I think that's where questions like this come from. Why did God create fear? Why do we assume that God created anything negative?

Yes, the presumption that God created fear is already flawed, and this is the problem. Many questions we get asked, are based on presumptions that are completely flawed. God didn't create fear, never created it. God created the potential for you to feel fear, by giving you the gift of free will. You then, through your choices, or through the choices imposed upon you by other people who made choices, imbibed the emotion of fear. Which you now also have refused, through your own choice, to feel, because if you chose to feel it at the time when it was created, it wouldn't be in you now. You chose to not feel it and you're still choosing to not feel it right now and that's why fear exists in you. You could choose to release it too and it wouldn't be within you anymore – that would be in harmony with God, to release it.

God gave you this ability, to choose whether you even want to release it, or not. You're allowed to not release it, but it's going to harm you for the rest of your existence – not just for the rest of your life on Earth – it's going to harm you for the rest of your existence, unless you release it. When you release it, from then on you will no longer be harmed by it. We need to see that God created the potential, by giving us free will; remember, free will is an emotional place, it's an emotional place of being able to experience any emotion we choose. We created the emotion of fear – before then it never existed in God's universe – we created it through our choices and our desire to walk away from truth, walk away from love; created this fear that now exists in humanity as a whole, and in individuals.

But we can also release it: that is also our choice and we can make that choice; and God is never going to release it for us, because it's not God's creation. God will help us go through the release, but God will never do it for us. Every person who expects Jesus to come along, and make all their fear go away, or God to come along and make all their fear go away, has a severe flaw in their logic. God created the ability for the human soul, to experience whatever it wishes to experience, and we chose to experience fear; we are going to have to choose to release it, to let it go, to change the experience. We are going to have to choose that, if we ever want fear to disappear. Now, there was a second part to her question.

**Mary:** Is there actually a reason for fear?

Of course there's a reason for fear, and I think I've already explained that. The reasons for all of our fears, are all about our resistance to truth and love. Real love, the real truth I'm talking about, not this fake stuff that we've got going on, on the Earth. So whenever we resist love, and whenever we resist truth, whenever love is not flowing, whenever truth is not flowing – fear will be created. Fear will become an emotional experience that is inside of us, that we will either choose to hold onto, or release.

**Mary:** Would you say that our desire to hold on to false beliefs is what ...

It's the major cause of all of our fear.

**Mary:** So fear enters us, and then we want to hold on to these false beliefs, and so it never goes away?

It never goes away and that's the reason fear exists, and it gets passed down to the next generation. When I hold on to my fear, of all my false beliefs – remembering that according to what we've discussed about the human soul and how it functions – all of my false beliefs are emotional. They are emotions that are within me. I get together with you; we have a baby. That child is now absorbing all of my emotional beliefs; it doesn't have any way of preventing the absorption, so it absorbs them. As a result, that child by the time it's born, has already got a fair degree of fear in it; not the same fear as me because it is yet to be suppressed. It could experience it: this is why most children cry a lot, because they have a lot of fears to feel, because of what they've already absorbed. Any child that is born perfect, any child that is born without any fear in the parents, would arrive in this world in a calm and placid place.

You don't see many of the animals, screaming their heads off when they're born; you see them jumping around, enjoying themselves within a few hours. Is that not the case? Why do we see animals doing that? Because the parents aren't passing down the fear. The fear comes from humanity, it's our fear that animals feel; they don't have fear inside of them, they don't have a soul to feel fear. We are the ones with the soul feeling fear. That's the reason why a lot of animals are born, with a lot more simple processes and procedures than what we give birth, because of our fear. We need to see it's like a pandemic, it's a world-wide problem, this viewpoint of fear but also we need to see it is our own creation, and the majority of people on this planet, do not see it as their own creation.

They do not see that their own suppression of it, causes more of it; they do not see that either. Fear is the worst problem on the planet: it's worse than anger, because fear causes anger; without fear you would never get angry; without suppression of fear I should say, you would never get angry – so fear is the worst problem on the planet. This is why I have given talk, after talk, after talk, about it, But even the people doing the transcribing of the talks, don't want to transcribe those talks. Because they are afraid. It's amazing how much fear affects people. Fear is our worst problem because it resists truth and it resists love; as such, while we honour fear we will never progress in love; it's impossible to progress in love while we honour fear. We need to feel it, let it go; we need to experience it, let it go; we need to go through the fear, and we need to see that none of our fears are actually real from God's perspective, none of them.

Even our fear of death is not real from God's perspective, because you don't actually die. All of the other things that we create, we are so terrified of pain and we don't see it as our own creation. God never created pain; God created the ability of your soul to feel pain when you suppress things, to tell you when you've done something out of harmony, with connection with God, that's why we experience pain. It's all the same thing: we choose to blame God for what we have created and while we're doing that, we will never become at-one with God, but also we can never be happy, because we're blaming someone else for our own creation. We need to take responsibility for our own creation, and work our way through the actual results of our own creation, and release from ourselves what's going on with our creation.

These kinds of questions are interesting, I feel, because they blame God for things that God's never done. It's so important for people to see that: God never created anger, God never created fear, God never created violence, God didn't create these things. We created them; we created them because we live in fear, we created them because we are unwilling to feel our own pain, we want other people to share in our pain, we want other people to pay for our pain – that's why we created fear. It's all these creations of our own that we're not taking responsibility for. We blame everything else other than ourselves: we've got to start seeing who is the real cause; the real cause is our own choice to live out of harmony with love and truth – that's the cause.

**Mary:** That's a great answer, thank you.

I suppose that was a fairly long tirade, (laughs) but I feel it's such an important subject. I often see God getting blamed for things that are going on, on the Earth, when God had nothing to do with them, nothing to do with them. The only thing that God participated in most of them, is giving us the gift of free will that we have then used badly. It's like somebody giving us the gift of a knife, and we go round stabbing a whole heap of people and ourselves, and then saying, "Wow, it's real painful, this knife." Instead of using it for what it was created for, which is I feel, making some meals up for us, and eating or enjoying food or whatever. Now we need to see the truth of it: this is what we're doing with God. God gives us this wonderful gift that's very useful actually, free will is a very useful gift; if we weren't given it, we would just be automations of God.

Rather than the free will, free beings that we are: so it's a necessary gift to give somebody, if they're ever going to be completely free. God gives us this beautiful gift of freedom, and we go around and use it badly, and then complain about the results. It's very, very stupid; really, we're very stupid. We need to start seeing – no, the results are directly caused by our own choices. We need to stop blaming God for things that are our own choice.

**Mary:** And stop having this kind of fatalistic attitude towards our fear. Like; "Oh, I'm a helpless party in this you know. What could possibly be the reason for this because it's got nothing to do with me." I know that many of us have had that feeling. I'm a victim of fear.

That's the implication of this question, isn't it? The question is, is there actually a reason for fear? Why would God create something so stupid as fear?

**Mary:** And that I feel so terrible about, and not really understanding that that's under my control.

God's not stupid.

**Mary:** No.

God doesn't create fear. Why would God ever want to create fear? God created, with you, the potential to experience everything that you create, and when you deny truth and deny love, you're going to have to create fear – that's what you're going to do. You're going to then have to deal with the consequences of it, because God says that it's your creation, your creation, humanity's creation. We need to collectively start to see it as our creation, and understand that we can undo it; we can undo it; we can reverse this creation.

**Mary:** Yes, it's not a given or a foregone conclusion, that fear will be a part of our lives; it's not a necessary part of how we exist; it's not a fact we have to get used to – it's not any of those things.

No, no.

**Mary:** It's something that can be gone from our life, forever.

Yes, forever.

**Mary:** But that's up to us, and we're going to have to stop blaming God for it, in order for that to happen.

The sad thing about blaming God for it, is that while we blame God for it, we're not taking responsibility for it. When we don't take responsibility for something, it's impossible for us to actually fix it – this is our problem – while we're blaming God, and while we're blaming everybody else and not looking inside of ourselves, we're really blaming everybody for what we have created. We're blaming God in particular for what we have created and God never created it, and while we blame God, we're not taking responsibility. We have a huge issue with responsibility: we are responsible for our own creations; we are also responsible for destroying our own creations.

**Mary:** That are out of harmony with love.

That are out of harmony with love. If we're going to destroy fear, we are the people who need to do it; God's not going to do it for us – God can help us – but God's not going to do it for us. We need to engage our will to do it: that's the way it works, and so it should if you think about it, so it should. We can't make choices in our lives, only to have someone else to come, and rescue us from our choices all the time, and then be responsible beings. The only way we can be responsible beings, is by making a choice, and then dealing with the consequence, good or bad, of that choice – it's the only way we can be responsible beings.

10. How do I change the belief that my fear & terror is normal?

**Mary:** When I have the false belief that my fear and terror is "normal", how do I change that? How do I feel God's Truth on the matter and make Love the norm?

Well I find this question quite interesting, because it actually betrays that the person doesn't understand emotion yet. You see, if you feel your fear, then it goes from you, then truth is automatically the norm. I feel like this person – and I feel it's a woman who has asked this question – this lady is trying to suggest, that she can do some kind of intellectual process, or some kind of physical process, which is going to help her make love the norm – aside from having to feel her fear. The real answer to this question is: feel your fear, feel it, experience it; then truth and love become the norm.

One doesn't become before the other. There's almost this supposition in the question that, this belief if you like, that she will be able to make truth and love the norm, and then go through fear. That's trying to put the cart before the horse actually. The only way that truth and love can become the norm, is for you to go through fear first, with faith that in the end you can deal with it, and then truth and love become the norm. That's the only way it's ever going to happen; it doesn't matter how much you convince yourself there's a different way, there isn't. You must first go through the emotion of fear, before truth and love can become the norm, not the other way around.

**Mary:** Do you think she's also asking that: it's about justifying fear and terror, do you feel that's what this person is asking? They're saying, "It's normal for me to have fear and terror; it's normal for me to avoid it." That can be a justification for not dealing with it; do you think that's what they're asking?

I feel that's what she's saying, yes, certainly. The actual premise of the question – I'm trying to deal firstly here with the premise of the question – the premise of the question is basically, that there's something that you can do, to make truth and love the norm, and then you will go through fear. That's the premise of the question; well that's incorrect, the presumption is incorrect.

You will not make truth and love the norm, unless you go through fear; you have to go through fear first. Fear is a creation of humanity, and it must be released before truth and love can become the norm, so the general premise of the question is already false. Now let's look at her question and the question she's asking is: "Is there something I can do, to feel God's Truth on the matter, and make love the norm?"

In other words, feel God's Truth about fear and make love the norm; no, there's not – other than going through your fear – there's not. I know you want there to be; I know you desperately desire that there's some kind of magic wand, or magic trick, or magic thought, that you're going to be able to have; some kind of magical technique that goes, "Oh, now that you've done this magical thing, you'll go through fear." No, you need to go through fear before you'll understand how to go through it.

It's the same with pretty much everything in your life actually: before you can actually love, you have to go through the feeling of love; you need to feel love and go through the experience of love, before you will understand it. To understand your fear, you're going to need to go through your fear; so stop telling yourself that there's another way.

The premise of this question is, there is a desire for there to be another way, a different way; there's a desire that there's some kind of magical solution, that will allow her to go through the emotion of fear, and to start to see that there's a reason for going through it.

**Mary:** But surely there's enough evidence. Even if we examine our life when we're living in fear and terror, we can say, "Oh, this is a normal state of being that everyone's in." But if we really examine our life, and become sensitive to how dissatisfied, limited, how much pain we're in, surely we can begin to see that there's evidence. It doesn't matter if everyone's in this state, it can't be normal from God's perspective, because it's full of pain and dissatisfaction.

Correct.

**Mary:** So even within that, it's not a technique, but you could just examine the results of living in fear and terror.

Yes, and this brings up the operation of truth. Even if you start to tell yourself an intellectual truth, which is possible, so, as a part of this question you could start telling yourself intellectual truths. For example, an intellectual truth might be: I believe – intellectually of course – that once I go through fear I will be very happy; but it's only an intellectual thought at this point. I believe that God wants me to go through fear – that's only an intellectual thought. I believe that when I go through fear I'll have all these benefits – that's only an intellectual thought. I believe that we have all these problems on Earth because of fear – that's only an intellectual thought. Until you actually go through the experience of your own fear, you will not believe any of those things, you will not.

Something has to happen inside of you, to decide to go through your fear and that's your will – it needs to be engaged. If there is any magical solution, there's only one, and that is use your will to go through your fear. Now most people asking this kind of question, have already decided to not use their will to go through their fear; they are actively using their will to deny, shutdown and avoid their fear. They are in heavy addiction to avoid their fear. Then they say, "Please give me a magical pill that will help me deal with fear, because I know my fear is influencing my relationship with God." The question I'm asking is, "If you know your fear is influencing your relationship with God, and actually stopping it, surely that should be enough motivation to go through the emotion of fear?"

If it's not enough motivation, then perhaps you need to study more about God's nature, and all those kind of things, to help you come to at least some intellectual awareness. But at some point, even after you've done all that, you still may not go through your fear, because going through your fear, requires that you actually emotionally engage your will, so you want to go through your fear and that's all it requires – to emotionally engage your will to do so. Now to do that, we've got to look at all the reasons why, we don't want to engage our will to do so. Sure, that means feeling all of our false beliefs – so whatever false beliefs we have about fear – need to be felt. There's nothing we can do to absorb the truth about them until they are felt.

The truth and the error cannot exist on the same subject, in the soul, at the same time; this is one of the major points about how the human soul functions. While the fear inside of me exists about dealing with my fear, the truth about dealing with my fear cannot enter me. I'll be looking for all of the excuses under the sun to avoid my fear. When I start feeling my own avoidance of my fear, feeling about whether it's actually wise, feeling about all the reasons why I believe I should be able to avoid my fear – once I start feeling all of those things – now more and more of my addictions will release, about my fear. Then I'll end up with no addictions about my fear; that still doesn't mean I'll go through my fear, because unless I want to use my will to go through my fear, I won't, I just won't. At some point I'm going to have to develop my will enough, to go through my fear, to actually experience it, to go through it, emotionally.

Now I believe that a relationship with God is worth it; I believe a relationship with my soulmate is worth it. If those two things are not worth it enough for you, I don't know what's going to make it worth it. You're going to have to ponder about that, and think about that: what is going to make it worth it for you to go through your fear? Do you want the results of what you're currently doing?

Whenever you deny your fear you've got pain and suffering, you've got physical pain and suffering; these are all happening all the time to you right now. Do you want to keep going through these things, or do you want to work through your fear? What is it? At some point you're going to have to make a choice to actually feel it, emotionally make a choice to feel it, and that requires a switch to occur inside of you, where you no longer justify it.

You no longer say it's normal, you no longer say, "Oh, the whole world's in it so I should be in it too." You no longer do it because everyone in the world wants you to stay there. You no longer do it, because you're afraid of what the world will think of you doing it. That requires releasing all those different emotions – because they're all emotions that cause your beliefs – from you. Then you'll get to the point where, "Yes, I want to go through my fear. I think it's fantastic going through my fear."

Then you'll go through your fear, and you will be surprised that it won't take very long; it's the big build up that takes a long time; all the destruction of all the false beliefs surrounding it, that's what takes the long time. By the time you get to going through it, usually most people breeze through it in a few months at the most. A few months out of a year, out of seventy or eighty years of your life – hardly anything. The difference it's going to make to your entire life? Completely different, it will change your life overnight, if you let yourself feel it.

So I would go for it if I were you, but there's not much I can do to convince you other than telling you the truth, because the truth is the antidote to fear. But it's only if you feel the truth that it's the antidote to fear; you've got to feel the truth, and a lot of times we're already feeling the fear about all the subjects, and so we don't feel the truth of them.

So we're going to have to feel the fear, actually process the fear on those subjects – go through them. Look at all your false beliefs about fear; feel them, then you'll get somewhere with your fear.

But I don't enjoy the premise of the discussion, because it basically is saying that it's possible to actually fake a position of truth, without going through fear, and you can't, you can't do that. You could fake it, but you won't go through it; nothing will change in your life; you will attract the same things.

Nothing will really change, unless you've got some spirit assistance for it to change, nothing will change. I say, the true change is you changing your soul – then you don't need any help to change your life – your soul changes your entire life; your attractions change, everything changes – that's real progress. Having someone help you, doesn't, doesn't change that.

### 11. How do I let go of fear about my child dying?

**Mary:** Our next question is from (Liv?) and she asks, "I'm trying to get a grip on the concept of fear and love. How to let go of fear? I had no fear of my own death before I became a mother. I am now terrified of separating from him – he is nine years old. I have nightmares about him having to face this world without me, and I'm terrified of having to continue life on Earth without him. I'm torturing myself with stories about missing children and tragic death, to try to deal with this fear I guess. I'm sure lots of parents have these thoughts and have no idea how to deal with the fear of losing the one you love the most. How do we deal with these feelings?

Ah, my dear sister, (Liv?) There is self-delusion, upon self-delusion, in your question and it's quite sad actually, in the sense that there are so many things you're telling yourself here that are completely false, and I need to go through them with you. So let's go through each statement one by one, shall we? Because I just feel like a lot of our questions, there is just self-deception upon self-deception, and then there's a question at the end. We need to deconstruct the self-deceptions before we even arrive at answering the real question; this is something we need to do with Liv here.

**Mary:** So would you like me to go back through the question?

Yes, one statement, by one statement; let's go through it.

**Mary:** Okay, first: "I'm trying to get a grip on the concept of fear and love."

Stop there. You can't get a grip on the concept of fear and love while you're in fear; you need to feel your fear in order to get a concept of love; also, you need to feel your fear in order to understand fear. There's no such thing as getting an intellectual concept on an emotion; you need to feel the emotions and then you will understand them. So firstly your desire to get a "grip", or an intellectual concept of emotion, is already flawed before we begin; you need to allow yourself to experience the emotions, then you'll get a grip on the concept of them afterwards.

The thoughts of the truth about these emotions will come to you. You're trying to put the cart before the horse here. What you're trying to do is come up with an intellectual concept about love, and an intellectual concept about fear, without feeling love or fear. The reality is that while you do such things you're not going to progress, and you'll also not understand fear or love. You don't understand fear or love – which is very evident in the rest of your questions – we need to talk to you about that.

**Mary:** Okay, the next question is, how to let go of fear?

Yes, so that's the question: how do I let go of fear? I've said over and over, how to let go of fear: you feel it, you experience it, you allow yourself to experience it. Now we won't talk about all the different things about that, because we've talked about that in other questions, but that's the way you do it. You're not going to be able to come up with some kind of intellectual magic pill, or any other thing that will help you go through the process. You're going to have to develop your will, enough to actually go through the experience of your fear; that's the important thing.

**Mary:** "I had no fear of my own death before I became a mother."

Completely untrue, completely untrue: you had an extreme fear of death before you became a mother, and you have no idea about how much fear you're actually in, with regard to the fear of death. To be frank with you, the majority of people on this planet, have no idea either of how afraid they are of death. And as soon as they have a child, it comes out; as soon as they have a child it gets triggered – bang! – that's where you can see your fear of death. Most of our fears of death are about fear of losing a person, not losing our own life: so in other words, many of us have fears – more fears in fact about losing another person – rather than our own death, but that is a fear of death still; we need to see it as such.

**Mary:** "I'm now terrified of separating from", her nine year old son.

Correct, she is terrified of separation, and she sees death as separation, and it's not true. From God's perspective, death does not separate you from your loved ones. Every single night when you go to sleep, you actually will continue to experience your loved ones. So the whole concept that death creates separation is completely false, and this is one reason why you're terrified, because you believe false things. She believes false things about death, about separation, that it's possible to be separated from someone you love; it's not possible. But I suggest to you Liv that you don't love your son, which we will go through in a second.

**Mary:** "I have nightmares about him having to face this world without me, and I'm terrified of having to continue life on Earth without him."

Now let's look at this: you are severely addicted to your son. It's very dangerous what you've done to your son actually, to him emotionally. Whose child is he? He's not yours; He is God's child; He is God's child, not yours. You have only created his physical and spiritual bodies, through the process of sexual intercourse, that's all. The soul of your child is not your child; it's God's child. God created that soul; you did not create it. You don't own it, it doesn't belong to you, and God's got a far better way of caring for Her children, than you do. In fact, the way you're caring for your son here, is very, very much a damaging relationship. I suggest to you that you need to read through some books, that might help you deal with this very damaged relationship with your son.

It's driven by your terror, and particularly your terror of separation, and what you believe you love. What's the book Mary, that book, the book relating to emotional incest? These are the books you need to read regarding your relationship with your son.

**Mary:** Yes, there's one by Dr. Patricia Love.

So Dr. Patricia Love.

**Mary:** It's called, "Emotional Incest", and there's a tag line that I can't remember now.

Yes, and you have an emotionally incestuous relationship with your son; you are using your son to avoid all of your own terrors and fears. You've set up heavy addictions with your son, and these are damaging your son very badly and you need to stop this from occurring. Your son is going to be very distressed in his later life, with these projections of emotions that are coming from you.

**Mary:** Really, if we have a pure approach to parenting, we are happy for our child to continue on and "face the world" as Liv puts it, on their own.

Alone – in fact we want them to.

**Mary:** We actually want to instil the confidence in them to do that, and not to be dependent upon us, and not to fear separating from us and not to live in co-dependence with us as a parent.

Correct, we need to understand, that whenever we set up these co-dependent relationships with our children, we are damaging our children very badly, and on top of that we are just feeding our own addictions to avoid specific pains within ourselves. Liv, my dear sister, you are avoiding very, very large pains within yourself about separation, and you need to allow yourself to experience them; it's separation from a male that you're now experiencing.

**Mary:** Or resisting.

You're resisting the experience of – you've now set up an emotionally incestuous relationship with your son – in order to avoid the experience of these particular emotions. This is damaging to yourself, and your son. Honestly, you need to address this as a very serious problem; you need to address it.

**Mary:** Also, I feel that Liv is putting a lot of emphasis on death, when really she's just afraid of not having this ...

Well the next line I think needs to be read probably, and then we will discuss the whole thing.

**Mary:** Sure, "I'm torturing myself with stories about missing children and tragic death to try to deal with this fear, I guess."

No, she's not dealing with the fear; she's living in it. She's torturing herself with stories about missing children, because she doesn't want to go through separation; she keeps attracting stories about separation; she doesn't want to go through separation. She's not actually feeling her terror about it because the terror has nothing to do with that actually – it's got nothing to do with separation – it's got other things, much more difficult emotions to feel than that. Let's read the next statement, because that's really a fair part of the discussion.

**Mary:** "I'm sure a lot of parents have these thoughts and have no idea how to deal with the fear of losing the one you love the most."

Well, this is where we have a lot of trouble, and a lot of false beliefs: now firstly, yes, a lot of parents do have these problems; in fact many men have this problem with their daughters, and many women have this problem with their sons. They have used their sons and daughters as surrogate relationships, in order to prevent the pain from other types of relationships – usually with their opposite gender parent, and then with their partner. They're using these relationships to avoid a lot of pain in those two sorts of relationships.

But there's a second half to it, and I can't quite remember what she said: oh, she's worried about losing the person she loves the most. This is a big problem with your current definition of love; you say you love your child the most, in the world – honestly, you don't.

You are dumping huge amounts of very negative emotions on your child, that are incestuous in nature, and you're harming your child quite a lot and you don't see it. So you're not loving your son at all at this moment; you believe you are, but you are not.

Secondly, there is a problem with loving your children the most, and most people on this planet have no idea what the problem is. God designed you first to love the other half of yourself, and yourself: so in other words, God designed you to love your soulmate first, not your child first. In fact in the future, your child will meet his soulmate and whoever that is, male or female; he will love him, or her, the most.

**Mary:** That's the way God designed it.

That's the way God designed it. When you say you love your child the most, you are in complete denial, and this is the main reason why, you've set up this emotionally incestuous situation with your son. You are in complete denial of the opposite gender, in your case your opposite gender soulmate attraction, which is your soulmate. A male, obviously, because otherwise you would have set up this addiction with a female child. The reality is, the real attraction that needs to be developed, is towards the other half of yourself, who is a male. What you need to do is start working your way through why you avoid relationships with adult males; why you have instead, engaged most of your emotional issues with a child who is a male. That is the main reason why you have taken this approach with your son.

You are in the process of psychologically damaging your son for any future relationship. This is going to cause him a lot of trouble in his future, and particularly coming up to his teenage years – because I think she said he was nine years of age now. Within a few years he's going to start entering puberty, if he hasn't already, and as a result he will start going through emotions, that he will find very confusing in his relationship with you, because of this emotionally incestuous relationship that you've begun with him, and established over many years now. You need to work through these terrors and fears that you have. You are using this emotionally incestuous relationship with your son, in order to avoid them. It's very, very damaging to yourself and him.

**Mary:** The final part was, "how do we deal with these feelings?" You've pretty much stated that.

What she's been focusing on is the fear, and that's not her problem; her problem is her addictions.

**Mary:** She's actually in a state of addiction with her son.

She's in a state of total addiction with her son; her son is meeting all of her addictions, and it doesn't make the fear go away, because the only way to make the fear go away is to feel it. What she's doing is – because she's got such intense fear associated with death and associated with separation, and particularly associated with separation from a male – she's now projecting all of those intense emotions onto her son.

He's now having to fulfil a role, and in the process of fulfilling this role, it's becoming destructive to his psychological and emotional development. This is very, very damaging for her to continue to engage, but she has justified the engagement by saying she loves her son; this is totally incorrect, you are not loving your son Liv. While you do these things to your son, you are actually causing him a huge amount of emotional burden, which is not love, but rather just living in your own co-dependent addictions with him.

Co-dependent addictions are not love, and you need to learn that, because you haven't learnt that in your relationship with your son. You do not love him; you are in co-dependent addiction with him. Later he's going to have to come to terms with that, and I feel very sad for him having to come to terms with those emotions, given that you're projecting them so intensely at him, because he's going to have some very strong feelings to have to go through as a result.

My suggestion is: own your fear about separation from a male, own your feelings about having an adult relationship. You do not want to have an adult relationship with a male; you do not want to open your heart to a male; you do not want to have an adult relationship with an open-hearted man, and you do not want to be open-hearted to the man. These are the emotions you are avoiding, that are causing all of these problems. Now sure, you have some fears about them, but you need to feel them, because otherwise this addiction with your son will continue.

Now there's obviously a lot more I could say in answer to the question, but my suggestion to you Liv is to read the book that we just suggested to you, the Emotional Incest book, and it will help you perhaps if you're open to reading it. What we've found is that most people, who are involved with emotional incest with their children, have no desire to read that book at all. In fact, feel quite offended that we've suggested to them to read the book. My suggestion to you is that you need to read it for your own sake, and also for the sake of your son.

You need to work your way through why you've projected so much emotion at him, and so many of your fears at him. Why you are in this deep level of fear, is a lot to do with your relationship with men, rather than death, and more to do with the feeling of how you're going to survive. How you're going to live without your son.

As soon as your son ever approaches another woman in order to have a relationship – or a man depending on what his soulmate attraction is – you are going to be instantly enraged. You want him to have the relationship with you; that is what is damaging. You are avoiding a relationship with a grown male, and you are using your relationship with your son, to avoid this and that's where your fears are. That's the fear you need to feel; you need to focus on those fears.

You're actually terrified of separation, because your son meets all of your addictions, that's why you're terrified of separation. Once you start dealing with some of these addictions that you have with him, you won't be terrified of separation. In fact you will get to the point, where you enjoy the separation from your son, because he's going out to live his own life. He finishes up meeting his own soulmate, engaging his own life, and all you will feel for him is joy that he's doing such a thing, living his life like he should be doing.

You are attempting to live your life through him and that is a very, very damaging thing to do to a child. So these are my suggestions to you, and I know I've been firm about it. I'm not judging you Liv, for the choices that you've made, because I understand the fears that generate these kinds of behaviours, but you need to understand the seriousness of the situation, and the damage that you're doing to your own soul, and to your son's soul in taking these actions with your son.

The question you originally asked was: how do you deal with your fear of death? It's not the fear of death that you've got a problem with, really; it's your fear of having none of your addictions met from a man. When your son leaves you, which he will do sooner or later, whether he dies or not, you will need to go through all of those fears anyway. So my suggestion is, start doing it now. You've got a very unhealthy relationship with your son and you need to work your way through the emotional reasons why that is the case.

That's answered that question.

