Please welcome this week's special guest Mark.
APPLAUSE
Welcome, Mark. So, first off, Patsy, what is Mark to you?
This is Mark and he is currently teaching me to swim
to overcome my fear of the water.
- Right. Lee?
- This is Mark and he started the pub darts team that I play in,
but I had to ask him to leave because he was so bad.
- Finally, Chris, your relationship with Mark? 
- Mark is my next-door neighbour.
He lost a bet of Â£200 that In The Loop would win an Oscar,
so I gave him my wheelbarrow.
There we are. What could be simpler?
Patsy's swimming teacher who cured her fear of water,
Lee's sacked darts team-mate or Chris's neighbour who likes a bet.
- David's team, where would you like to start?
- Darts. How can anyone be bad at darts?
What standard of darts playing are you expecting?
Two out of three darts in the board would have been sufficient.
- What did you say to him to chuck him out?
- Patsy, can you be Mark?
Yeah.
This might involve acting, but just go with it.
- Mark...
- Yeah.
- That's you. Yeah, you're Mark.
- You know this whole darts thing? 
- Yeah.
- And you keep missing the board?
- Hmm.
Look at me when I'm talking to you.
We don't like the fact that you keep trying to get the dog drunk
and also we'll have to let you go because you keep missing the board.
I cannot imagine YOU would say that to HIM.
LAUGHTER
There's not a chance you're going to say, "Listen, mate, you set up the darts team,
"but big Lee Mack's in the room. Get off!"
- How seriously did you take this darts team?
- I take darts very seriously.
- Do you?
Ask me any check-out.
I don't know what that means.
151.
That's your classic treble 20, treble 17, tops.
I don't know if that's true or not, but it could be.
- 164.
- That'll be treble 20, treble 18, bull.
Bull, what's bull? A hundred and eigh...ty?
You work that out...
- He's getting the numbers right. 
- Is he getting the numbers right?
- Just say "180" again, Jo. 
- A hundred and eigh...ty!
I feel like we've just engaged with foreplay!
Ohh! She's at 180. We're on for a good 'un tonight!
Wait till I get to 69!
Did he set up another team?
Did he walk away and say, "I'll give up darts because Lee told me..."?
He struggled because he went round saying, "I'd like to set up a darts team." "Any experience?"
"I just recently left one because I was thrown out for being terrible."
That's not the usual next question, "Have you had any experience?"
You're either interested in playing a bit of recreational darts or not.
- Recreational darts? 
- "I'm a busy man. I want to play in a high level darts team..."
- Darts is a serious sport!
- David, do you want to move on?
- Yes, OK.
Chris, why did you feel the need,
when your neighbour had bet some money on a film you were involved in winning an Oscar,
why did you make up the loss for him with the gift of a wheelbarrow?
I live in a terraced house. The houses next door are flats.
It's a communal garden and Mark is the only one who looks after them.
Mark's never seen the film, but he went to the bookies, put 200 quid on it and lost it.
In the conversation that we were discussing this, it came up that he needed a wheelbarrow.
And I felt bad cos he'd sort of staked it cos it's me...
So if he'd said, "I could do with a leg-over," you'd have said, "There's me missus"?
No, John. No, I wouldn't.
I don't know how things work where you live,
but wheelbarrows and women are not the same thing where I'm from.
You may well have given the wheelbarrow to assist him in cleaning up the communal gardens,
but surely you didn't give it to him as compensation for your film not winning the Oscar.
I sort of intended to offer... that he might borrow it. It kind of got out of hand.
Patsy, you have a fear of water, is that right?
I did, yeah.
Have you had this all your life or was it some harrowing experience you could amuse people with?
I think so, but I didn't really know that I had it.
How did you not know you were scared of what surrounds us?
Um, because I've always swum, but I just...
You swam, but you didn't know you were shitting yourself...
But you wouldn't refuse to swim?
No, I swam. We had to swim when we were kids. We just used to get put in. It was freezing cold.
The teachers used to make you get in and that was worse
because it was freezing cold, kids would be crying, swimming, but they did make you get in.
Sounds like you're talking about Dunkirk!
So you already could swim before you encountered Mark to teach you to swim?
Yeah...
How was your first lesson?
When Mark said, "Let's have a go at the water," and you did 20 lengths, what did he say after that?
I didn't do 20 lengths.
So you have some lessons to improve the efficiency of your swimming, you get into the water and realise,
"Oh, my God, I hate it here! This has been the problem.
"It wasn't the efficiency of my kicking and arms. It was that I hated it!"
No, I just realised that I was actually quite scared of water.
That's why I don't swim very well. I don't breathe under water.
None of us breathe under water. That's a standard human thing.
No, you can breathe under water. No, you can't.
Mark, this should have been lesson number one!
Just cos I throw you out the darts team and you're looking for a new career!
- Telling people they can breathe under water! 
- Right, David, we need an answer.
Lee gives every impression of knowing a bit about darts,
but I'm not the best person to scrutinise that.
He knows his darts. That doesn't mean that story is true.
I believe Chris cos of the wheelbarrow or I believe Patsy cos Mark looks quite built.
- Who will you go for? 
- I'd go with Patsy.
I think Patsy, yeah.
So you're saying Patsy's swimming instructor. Mark, reveal your true identity.
I am Patsy's swimming instructor and I helped her get over her fear of water.
APPLAUSE
So, Mark, the first thing I want to clear up is this thing
of telling her it is possible to breathe under water.
It's not quite true. She does very good front crawl and breathes out under water, doesn't breathe in.
Thank you, thank you. APPLAUSE
