
Ummm… someone who is still obsessing or longing of past?
Since it’s something that affects your self-confidence
I’m curious about things that might have bothered someone with their social relationships
Did it hurt? Or did it cost a lot?
Or do people see you differently?

Hello




He’s really handsome


Before I start asking questions, I think I should ask for consent
- Cause I might offend you..
- I don’t mind if you come out strong
Ah really?
Excuse me..
No, don’t worry about it
Okay, I’ll been keen about it
Okay

What did you get done?
What do you think?
The thing is…
It’s going to get complicated
Just tell me the initial ones, not the touchup ones
I got double eyelid surgery
Then an anterior tibial surgery
And then what you normally call the turn-shaver (orthognathic surgery)
I got a nose job
Ah really?
Yeah
My eyes…
My eyes and my nose
My eyes
Nose
Cheekbone
Jawline
and
I got a lifting procedure recently
What’s lifting?
It’s where you put in a piece of string to lift up your skin
So you look a bit more slim
Ah..
Then
I probably will never get that face, right?
Even if I get surgery?
Okay, next question
Can I ask about the total cost?
But the thing is, I got some done with sponsors so I don’t know if I can say how much it was?
Including all that…?
About 20000 dollars…
You could probably buy a medium-sized car
Around 2000dollars
Ah...
For my nose
With your own money?
Of course. I worked really hard to get it done
Did it hurt?
I didn’t feel that much pain to be honest..
I actually got severe side effects from it
So I got the  prosthetics removed and all that is left is the tip part
Do you want to feel it?
You can press on it hard
How can it not be painful when
There’s blood coming out from your face
How is it when you first get this done?
‘Ahhhhhhhh’
Nah
It’s more like, ah…..
“If it’s this painful even tomorrow, then something definitely when wrong
Ah I’m ready to jump out the window”
For me it hurt that bad

I wanted to look better in photos…
At that time, I thought
That people were really influenced by the appearance
So, I thought
if I became better looking
I would probably give out better impressions
‘Being ugly’ is not the problem
But having a bad impression
“You have a bad impression"
"So we cannot use you for this program”
When I hear things like that
I felt shameful
When I was young, I was talking to a friend I was fond of
And she said that my face was a bit weird
And that kind of hurt me
It’s a bit cliché but I was bullied
For my looks when I was in elementary school
Ah, that much…
Yes
And at that time,
A program called  was huge
And seeing that
Made me want to be prettier
And hear people say that I’m pretty…
Then when did you get it done?
I got my eyes done when I was 14 years old
14?
Yes
You’ve changed your appearance because you were bullied,
How did that change your perspective?
First, after the surgery
The close and intimate people around me
My friends
and my family
Said nothing much has changed
And it’s all the same
The only thing that had changed
Were the attention from others, the strangers
My friends would go behind my back and say
“Oh she got surgery”
“She changed everything”
And things like that
- And things like that
- That must have felt…
Then, have you thought of getting it re-done?
I still do it these days
No, I don’t
Ah really? Why?
I don’t want to lay on that surgery board again
If I change too much it might get too obvious…
I’m satisfied with how I look right now
For me
I want to get my jaw line done?
My mind went blank right now
I feel like I was hit on the head

Um...
The second, or was it the third?
The one who had really fair skin?
I think that person didn’t have a full comprehension of the situation
About deciding to get the surgery
I think she’ll regret because it was done when she was going through a hard time
The one who kind of looks like an idol?
When I was talking to him
I got the impression that he was feeling down
Open your eyes
What?
It’s this guy?
What, why do you regret?
Ah, what you said before?
Ah, regretting because of the side effects..
What were the side effects?
I thought I was becoming one of those old grannies
Who don’t have noses who you see in old stories
Cause my nose was gone
Like the people you see on the news. I was that bad
Back then, I regretted a lot because of the side effects
But now that I think about it again, I was 25 back then in the year 2014
And you know that age is a really good age
You right...
When you have a lot of potential and energy, but
I feel I wasted the 2-3 years after that
I think I spent those years in despair
‘I’m always going'
'To live with this wrecked face, aren’t I?’
Thinking like that and doing nothing
Due to your guilt?
It was beyond guilt
I abhorred myself
I hated the fact that I got my surgery without thinking too much
But the period after
when I literally did nothing
while being depressed
and torturing myself
I think I regret that period the most
Recently I was surprised when I saw a picture from back then
I looked so young and alive
And so energetic
But why was I
So cruel to myself back then
Why couldn’t I just enjoy myself
I feel like I could have been happy with myself just by being alive
It felt ironic to look at those pictures now and think that
That...
That young-self seemed to be stupid
What am I supposed to day?
Why are you crying?
No, I’m not crying~
Ah...
Just...
I feel like I’m seeing myself
I mean, whether you get plastic surgery or not, everyone
Has those kind of feelings at one point or another
Of course, because there are some parts where you are not satisfied with it
So, what I do at those times
I go see Instagram profiles of the bullies from my elementary or middle school
And I think “Well, I’m not that bad”
And comfort myself
I did that too, but
I think it the criteria is outside of you it’s a bit hard
Honestly, I’ve been hurt a lot hearing that I was ugly
And that’s one reason why I got plastic surgery
But
I was able to forget and move on
From the bad words that others said about me
The real thing that stayed and bothered me was the bad words I said to myself
Cause I really hated myself back then
- But
- That’s right
Now I really like myself
When I heard that we were going to meet people who regretted getting surgery I felt
That it was going to be about people who physically failed with the procedure
But I realized that
Even if the procedure fails, physically, it’s not the criterion to decide whether you are satisfied or not
In the end
I think maybe plastic surgery was just one way to
Treat myself more and love myself more
If you’re someone who loves yourself and knows yourself well
I think it’s okay to get plastic surgery
But if
You’re someone who doesn’t know yourself that well and just do it without much thought,
I want to stop them a bit.
That’s what I thought
