

* * * *

My Heart is Yours

Copyright © 2015 Amanda Leigh

Cover design © Arijana Karčić, Cover It! Designs

Formatting by JT Formatting

ISBN:

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products, bands, and/or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

***

Title Page

Foreword

Prologue

Part One

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Part Two

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Part Three

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Epilogue

About the Author

Acknowledgments

This story is one that has been living in my head for a long time. This story and all of these characters have been in my head for eight years. These characters have been a part of me for eight years. Letting go of them is hard, but I knew that I wanted to get this story out into the world. So it was time to let go. That is not to say that I've closed off the possibility of ever writing about them again. Who knows? Maybe one day I will. We'll just have to wait and see.

Now, on to the title. It probably took me a good two or three years to come up with what seemed like a fitting title for this story. I needed something that encompassed the romance in this story. I also needed it to potentially encompass the feeling that a brother and sister or very close friends can have for one another. It's in a different form, of course, but it's still there. However, the most important component to me was encompassing the romance in the story. I don't remember exactly how or when this revelation came to me but I do know that it was because of a Paramore song. I was listening to the song _My Heart_ by Paramore and one of the lyrics in the chorus stood out to me. Thus, the title became _My Heart is Yours_.

I can't thank you enough for picking up my book. It truly means so much to me. I hope that you get something out of this story and that maybe you find another character (or a few more) to love. Thank you again and I hope that you enjoy _My Heart is Yours_!

***

Five and a half year old Samantha slept in her white threadbare sheets. Tonight the wind was coming through particularly strong from the cracks in the wooden boards on her window. Her small body shivered.

The door creaked open and her mother entered. Sam had the same blonde hair as her mother. Her eyes were her own though. Changing from blue, to grey, to blue-grey, to green or any combination of these colors seemingly simultaneously. Sandra's hand approached her daughter's shoulder and she shook her roughly awake. The clock on the wall read three o' clock in the morning. Sam rubbed her eyes. "Come on!" Her mother said as she looked over her shoulder. "Get out of bed, now!" She grabbed a hammer from the toolbox they kept in Sam's room, went to the boarded up window and started tearing the boards to the floor. Wood splintered through the air. "Go on." She gestured to the window. "Get out. Go."

Sam hesitated for half a second then climbed through. She knew she couldn't ask questions. She got into trouble when she asked questions.

Sandra wiggled through the window; she cursed aloud as the glass cut her shoulder.

"Don't try to run away from me!" The hoarse shout came from behind them. Sam's father. Sam knew what it meant when he was like this.

Sandra pushed Sam into the car, ran to the other side and jumped in. "Mommy." Sam said as they went speeding past houses. "What's wrong?"

"If you must know, your father's more drunk than usual. He has a gun and he says he's gonna kill us. Satisfied?" Sam's eyes widened as she looked in the rearview mirror. There was a car right on their tail. Sam stretched in the front seat to see who it was; she recognized the face of her father. "Mommy!" She yelled. Her mother ignored her. "The only reason I'm taking you with me is cuz as a single parent with no job I might get some money from the government." "Mommy!" She yelled again. "Otherwise I'd just let him kill you." The car stopped, jolted forward and stopped again. "Damn it. We're out of gas." Sam's mom muttered. Sirens wailed in the background.

Beside them, Sam heard the screech of tires. Blonde hair hit Sam's face as she turned her head toward the noise. In the car beside them her father scooted across the front seats; his eyes wild with rage. A flash of black came from behind him. Sandra frantically tried to get the car started. Too late. An arm shot out around her neck; holding her fast. Her husband held the shiny black gun to her head and before Sam could scream from the sound, the trigger boomed and her mother's body slumped over on the steering wheel. Deep red blood gushed out of her head forming a pool on the floor.

Before Sam climbed out of the car window, her father's eyes met hers. There was nothing there. No sorrow, no fear, no pain, no love. Nothing.

The source of the sirens came to their side. Two police cars with their lights flashing and sirens wailing. Sam clasped her little hand around the handle on the car door; the door opened easily and she fell out onto the cold asphalt. Her eyes took in a small bush about a yard away. She scurried to it and hid within it's hard branches, lush with dark green leaves.

A young policeman shot out of his squad car and saw Sam scurry out of the corner of his eye. This was one of his first times being called—he had only recently graduated from the police academy. He had never seen such devastation. _Sure_ , he thought, _compared to a war zone this is nothing. But I've never seen a husband murder his wife before. With a little girl hiding in the bushes._ He shook his head. All of this went through his mind before he crossed to the bush where Sam was hiding.

She tried to run but he gently caught her arm. "It's okay, sweetie." He said. "We're here to help." Her big, sad eyes stared up at him. He tried to offer her a reassuring smile, but he was rather sure that it came out more like a grimace. He picked her up and walked her over to the other policemen.

Sam was taken to an orphanage about an hour and a half away. Six months later she was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Ramsden. They had three sons. Craig was ten, John was seven and Matt was four.

Craig, John and Matt were good friends with three other boys in town. Mr. and Mrs. Ramsden were friends with one or both of these boys' parents and they had all grown up together. Chris, Shawn and Jason. It was new to have a little girl introduced into the mix.

Their town wasn't the best town to be living in. Nearly everyone between the ages of thirteen and twenty-five either carried a gun or a blade. With the thought that it was for protection; though it didn't always turn out that way. The town wasn't exactly poor; they had enough money for their bills and groceries. Although there was little to no disposable income.

Sam grew up with these boys and they all kept an eye on her. Besides Matt, she and Jason were the youngest, so everyone looked out for them, even more so than Matt. They felt that Matt could more or less take care of himself. They looked out for Jason more because he was very shy and as he got older could be a nervous wreck. They looked out for Sam more because she's a girl. Simple as that; that's what they all said.

In February 1964 tragedy hit the Ramsden family. Four months before Sam turned sixteen her adoptive parents were killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver. Craig refused to have their family split up. He became John, Sam and Matt's legal guardian.

By 1964 Sam had lost two sets of parents. She hoped with all of her heart to not lose anyone else.

***

***

Sam felt someone pull on her hair. "What?" She asked impatiently, pushing their hand away.

"Nothing." She heard the familiar voice say back to her.

"Chris?" She asked as she attempted to do her homework. "Why are you playing with my hair?"

"I'm not. I'm pulling your hair."

"Okay, why?"

"'Cuz your older brother needs your help with dinner."

"You could've just told me that, Chris," Sam said as she got up.

"Awww, but that's no fun." Chris grinned in reply.

"I swear, you act like you're eight instead of eighteen." Shawn and Jason laughed.

"You're such a little smart ass." Chris told her.

"I know I am." Sam replied proudly, smiling at Chris. "I learned from the best." Sam's gaze shifted to Jason.

Jason looked back at Sam and smiled his crooked smile. His smile went up just a little more on the right than on the left. Sam smiled back at him; her smile did the opposite.

They held each other's gaze for a moment, smiling shyly. Shawn cleared his throat loudly, and Sam and Jason turned in his direction.

Sam pulled her bleach blonde hair back into a ponytail, reaching down a little past her shoulders. Sam's skin was slightly tanned from the Missouri sun.

Shawn had dark brown hair, with bangs that almost reached his deep blue eyes. He usually didn't have bangs; he just needed a haircut very badly.

Chris's hair was light brown. He had long sideburns and olive skin. His eyes were a light brown, almost tan color, and he had a toothy grin.

Sam's oldest brother, Craig, had dark hair as well. Though not quite as dark as Shawn's hair. Craig's hair was generally straight, but the front and back were always slightly curly. His eyes were a sharp silver-blue. One moment they could be gentle and understanding but if you said the wrong thing they turned vicious in an instant.

Out of all the boys she'd grown up with, Sam was closest to Jason. Besides Juliana (a girl that Sam had met in first grade), Jason was Sam's best friend. He had dark tan skin. His hair was jet black (a huge contrast to Sam, with her bleach blonde hair). His eyes were a dark, deep brown, and they were shy and sensitive. But when he was with Sam there was something else in his eyes as well.

"Hey!" John's voice echoed through the house. "Damn it!" Sam grinned to herself; John did the same thing every time he got home from work. He'd swing open the door, scream "Hey!" then stub his toe on the dark brown wooden coffee table and curse under his breathe. He'd done the same thing every weekend since Sam was fourteen. That's when he got his part time job at the deli about four blocks away from their house. He kept half of his pay; the other half went to paying the bills.

"What are you doin'?" Matt asked as he walked into their small kitchen/dining room.

"Craig and I are making dinner. Which means you and John get to do the dishes."

Matt's face fell into a frown, doing dishes was his least favorite chore. His baby fat hadn't all gone away yet, so his face still had that slightly round shape. Matt was a little more pale than the rest of them. His eyes were sky blue and thoughtful. The eyes of a dreamer. He had light brown hair with dirty blonde highlights; it was a little long. When their mom was still alive she would always beg him to get it cut. (He rarely did).

"Hey, baby sis!" John said as his slightly tan hand messed up Sam's hair. Sam grinned an amused and frustrated grin. "Baby sis", that's what John always called her. Even though she constantly reminded him he's only about a year older than her.

Sam turned around and looked into John's deep green eyes, shaking her head. John tilted his head to the side and his hair, which hovered between light brown and honey blonde, fell into his eyes. He had a smile on his face, as usual, and Sam couldn't help but smile back at him.

Sam turned back to the counter too quickly and the room around her began to spin. She grabbed her head with one hand, the counter with the other. She stood there for a moment, eyes closed, until John noticed something was wrong.

"Hey, hey..." John said softly, putting his hands on Sam's delicate waist and leading her to the couch.

She sat down next to Jason, eyes still closed. "Sam, are you okay?" Jason sounded worried, and Sam smiled, even though her head was throbbing.

"Yeah, I'm...whoa."

"Sam?"

"I'm just a little dizzy, that's all." She said, and tried to get up, but immediately lost her balance and fell back down on the off-white couch.

"I think you should probably stay where you are." Jason said, and Sam sensed a smile in his voice.

"Yeah, probably." She said smiling, responding to the tone of his voice.

No one was too worried. This happened once in a while. Sam had been getting bad headaches and dizzy spells since she was a little girl. Her doctor said it was the result of too much stress.

Taking a deep breath, Sam leaned back and put her head on Jason's shoulder.

Jason grinned and his tan cheeks got a slight flush.

Jason was quite shy, especially if he was around girls. Being around girls made him nervous. And although Sam was one of his best friends, and he could talk to her about almost anything, he became more nervous around Sam than any other girl he knew.

***

Sam opened her eyes slowly and looked around. She was lying in her bed, with the blue cotton sheets pulled securely around her. She sat up slowly, to make sure her headache was gone. There was still a dull throbbing.

The last thing Sam remembered was sitting on the couch, and leaning her head on Jason's shoulder. Sam figured she must have fallen asleep and someone carried her into her room.

"Hello." Sam yawned as she walked into the kitchen. The white cabinets, table and chairs greeted her cheerfully. The color always did seem cheery to her.

"Good mornin', Sleeping Beauty!" Chris said gleefully.

Sam smiled. "What time is it?" She asked.

"It is...11:30." Chris answered after he looked up at the wall clock.

"What?" Sam said jumping up from the seat she'd just taken. "I'm late for school!"

"Sam." John said. "Sam!"

She didn't hear him; she was packing everything back into her book bag that she always kept on the kitchen floor.

"Sam!" John said again. "Samantha Marie Ramsden!"

"What?" Sam asked impatiently, still packing.

"It's Saturday."

"Oh." Sam said with an embarrassed smile, walking over to an empty chair and collapsing onto it. "Good." She yawned one more time and then put her head down on the kitchen table and closed her eyes.

"HEY!" A deep voice carried to the kitchen from the screen door. Sam opened her eyes reluctantly.

"Juliana and Derek are here." John mumbled with a smile and glance at Jason. Derek had been in Sam and Juliana's class one year. They weren't fast friends but eventually the three of them began to hang out often at school.

Sam started to get up and as she did, she caught Jason's eye. He averted his eyes; there was something almost like anger in them.

When she was out of earshot, Chris, John and Shawn all turned to look at Jason.

"What?" He asked. They just shook their heads. "What?"

"Aaaa! Derek!" Sam's voice carried in from the living room. Derek swung Sam over his shoulder. "Aaaa! Derek, put me down!"

"You know what." John said to Jason. "You just won't admit it."

Before Jason had a chance to answer, Juliana came into the kitchen laughing.

"So, Julie-" Chris began.

"Alright, my name is Juli _ana_ , okay?"

Derek walked in and waved to everyone. Jason smiled, but it wasn't real, just tolerant. He was never too fond of Derek.

"Sam!" Derek yelled into the living room.

"What?" She yelled back.

"Come on, get in here!"

Sam walked into the kitchen and smiled at Jason.

"Hey, there's no chair left for me." She shrugged and walked over to the table, figuring she would just plant her butt right on the kitchen table.

Derek grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap before she got too far. Sam smiled and rolled her eyes.

Juliana glanced over at Jason.

"Have you seen my journal?" Sam asked.

"No." John said.

"Nope, sorry." Chris said.

"Haven't seen it, blondie." Shawn said.

"It's in your room, on your desk." Jason told her.

"Thanks Jason." Sam said, jumping off of Derek's lap to go retrieve her journal.

Sam's room was small, but not too small. "Medium sized", she called it. She had a twin size bed, covered in dark blue sheets, light blue pillowcases, and an old white quilt with blue flowers scattered over it. That was her birthday present for her thirteenth birthday. Her mom had made it for her. She suddenly remembered with overwhelming clarity when John F. Kennedy had been assassinated. Her mother wouldn't get out of bed for over a week. She had taken the quilt out of Sam's room and clung to it desperately. As if it could make everything better. Somehow that seemed like a lifetime ago, though it wasn't even a full year ago.

Sam looked at the quilt and smiled, remembering when she had walked in on her mom, Michelle, making it for her. She'd tried to hide it and told Sam to go help her father with dinner.

Her journal was on her desk, on top of papers, folders, and textbooks for school. Sam was in mostly advanced classes. Juliana and Derek were, too.

Lovingly, Sam stroked her journal. It was blue, sort of turquoise, with lilac, dusty rose and sea foam green butterflies on it. It wasn't a spiral notebook, because Sam liked the other kind better.

Her adoptive parents were killed four months before her sixteenth birthday, and they didn't have a lot of money (even less than usual) because they had to pay for the funeral. So Sam wasn't expecting any gifts. But everyone, Craig, John, Matt, Chris, Shawn, and Jason chipped in to get Sam this journal. It was fancy, so it must have been expensive.

She had already had a journal at the time, but this was for when she finished that one. She started that journal four months after she turned sixteen. She'd been writing in it for about two months at the time. Her first entry had been about the dreams that she'd been having.

Sam thought about that. Her parents had been dead for ten months. She wiped away a tear that was running down her cheek.

Later that night, Sam was sitting on the couch reading _Lolita_ by Vladimir Nabokov.

"Hi!"

Sam jumped and dropped her book to the floor.

"God, John you scared me. I lost my page."

"Sorry. You're so jumpy, Sam." He said.

"I am not."

John shrugged. "So, what are you doin'?"

"Reading." She answered.

"You read too much."

"Do not."

"Yeah, you do." He ruffled her hair.

Sam shrugged and pulled their soft, brown wool blanket back over her.

"Hey John?" She looked up from her book.

"Hmm?"

"Last night, when I had that headache . . ."

"Yeah?"

"Did someone carry me into my room?"

"Yep." John said.

Sam waited for him to expand on his response.

"Who?" She asked. "You?"

"No, Jason did." He went over to turn on the TV and stood there looking for the channel he wanted.

"Jason?"

"Yep." He stopped the dial on the news. The reporter was talking about Martin Luther King Jr. winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Sam reopened her book and stared at its pages, not seeing the words. She was thinking about Jason. She didn't think Jason was even strong enough to carry her. She smiled. Somehow the thought that Jason carried her into her room made her feel very content, very safe.

"Sam?" John was staring at her.

"What?" She jumped and turned to him.

"Are you blushing?" He asked.

"What? No!" She tried to hide her face with her hair.

"Yeah, you are." John scooted over to her on the couch. He smirked and nudged her shoulder with his.

"No I'm not. It's just a little warm in here."

"You have a blanket on." He picked up the brown wool blanket and tossed it over her head.

Sam pushed the blanket off; her blonde hair was strewn about her face. She looked into John's green eyes. He stared back into hers, which at the moment were gray. Sam actually couldn't think of anything to say. She narrowed her eyes and turned away to continue reading _Lolita_.

***

"I knew it." John said smiling.

"Knew what?" Sam asked, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

"You like him." He pushed her shoulder.

"Like who?"

"You know who I'm talking about." A small laugh escaped his lips.

"No, I don't." She sighed.

"Jason."

"Of course I like Jason, he's one of my best-" Sam glanced up from her book. "No, you don't think-" Realization crossed her face.

"Yes, I do think!" He grinned so large it looked as if his teeth may fall out of his mouth. .

"What?" She scoffed as she closed her book and laid it gingerly on the scratched up coffee table.

"I think you like him _as more than a friend!_ " John practically bounced on the couch as he said this.

"You're crazy!" Sam said, standing up from the couch.

"Oh, am I?" John asked, also getting up.

"Yes!" Sam said raising her voice. "What could _possibly_ make you think I like him?"

"What's wrong with Jason?" He arched one perfect eyebrow and smirked.

John was right in front of her now and she was looking up at him, angry as hell. Partially because he could think such a thing, partially because he was a foot taller than her and she had to look up so high, and partially because deep inside she knew that John was right.

"Nothing, Jason's great. He's . . . he's sweet and smart and . . . .and funny and cute." She stopped herself and looked up at John again. His eyebrows were raised and his arms crossed as if to say "Oh, and this from the girl who _doesn't_ like Jason?"

"I . . . I mean . . ." Sam stumbled over her words.

"You _mean_ you like him." He said for her.

"Shut up! I _do not_ like Jason!" She ran her hands through her hair, messing it up even more. She'd have to spend a half hour fixing all of this damage later.

"Then why are you getting so mad at me?" He laughed.

"Because it's completely ridiculous you would even accuse me of liking him!"

"He likes you."

"He does? Did he tell you that?" Sam asked, unable to hide her slight smirk.

"No. But I can tell." A gentle smile played on his lips momentarily. "And by the way, if you don't like him then why do you care?"

"Who said I cared?" She shrugged her shoulders.

"You're smiling." He reached out and pinched her cheek.

Sam wiggled away and quickly hid her smirk.

"Well, I care so I can gently let him know that I don't feel the same way." She nodded officially.

"Too bad you'd be lying to him." John cocked a perfect eyebrow.

"Oh my God! For the last time I _do not_ like him!" She pushed John backwards lightly and he stumbled back a few inches.

He put his hands on her shoulders and said, "I think you're scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Two things."

She raised her eyebrows. "Which are?"

John held up one finger. "One: you're scared Jason doesn't feel the same way. Which is ridiculous, because it's obvious that he's crazy about you." He held up another finger. "And two: you're scared of Craig."

"Scared of Craig? Why would I be scared of Craig?" Her eyebrows pulled together.

"Easy, you're scared he won't let you and Jason be together." Sam began to interrupt but John held up a hand to stop her. "Craig knows you're the smartest one in the family and could easily get a scholarship to Harvard or Yale or Princeton or any Ivy League school. And don't say that's not true Sam, because you know it is. Craig also knows that you and Jason like each other, and he's scared you'll fall in love, give up a scholarship to be with Jason, and never have a better life than we do now"

"That's ridiculous." She said.

"Maybe so, but it's true." He shrugged.

"I hate you." Sam said smirking ever so slightly and starting to walk away.

"No you don't, you love me. Almost as much as you love Jason." He made a kissy-face in her direction.

"Shut up!" Sam yelled, as she turned around, grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at John. He ducked, but not before the pillow messed up his oh-so-precious-hair.

"Hey, Jason." Matt said as he sat down next to him. They were in the park near Matt's house, sitting in the wet grass.

"Hey, man." Jason said.

"What are you doin'?" Matt held out his hand.

"Thinking." Jason put the expected cigarette in Matt's hand and pulled one out for himself.

"About what? Sam?" Matt asked

"Why would you say that?" Jason lit his cigarette.

"'Cuz you're always thinking about Sam." Matt took the lighter from Jason and lit his own cigarette.

"No I'm not." Jason shook his head and stuck his lighter in his back pocket.

"Course you are." Matt smirked.

Jason didn't answer; he was looking around the park. It was almost eleven o' clock at night and no one else was around, the pond was still and there was only a faint light coming from the moon that was peeking out from behind the clouds.

"I've never actually said I like Sam." Jason said, turning to Matt. His black hair hung in his eyes.

"Will you ever say you like Sam? 'Cuz I know you do." Matt asked, brushing his own overgrown bangs out of his eyes.

"You're dying for me to say that aren't you, kid?" Jason couldn't help but smile.

"Well, yeah." Matt nodded. "Cuz everyone except Sam has been able to tell you like her since you two were about twelve."

Jason laid back on the damp grass. "Okay." he said. "I like Sam. A lot."

Matt smiled. "You finally admit it." He said. "So when are you gonna tell her?"

"Tell her?" Jason nearly choked.

"Yeah, tell her." Matt laughed.

"Probably never."

Matt's brow furrowed. "Why not?"

"She doesn't like me the same way I like her." Jason shrugged.

"You don't know that. Besides, I think she does like you." Matt said. Jason narrowed his eyes; Matt was pretty eager for Jason to start dating his sister. He guessed that it sort of made sense. Better for his sister to be with someone that he's known his whole life and knows is a good guy.

"You don't know that for sure." Jason said.

"No, but you don't know for sure that she _doesn't_ like you. But I know how you can find out." Matt voice got brighter.

"How?" Jason asked just to humor him.

"Talk to Juliana. She is Sam's best friend." Matt's young face lit up like this was the best idea in the world.

"Maybe someday." Jason answered with a small smile.

Matt sighed. "I hope it's someday soon."

Jason took another puff of his cigarette and looked up at the sky where the moon had just come out from behind the clouds.

Sam sat on her comfy bed scribbling furiously in the journal she'd gotten for her sixteenth birthday. The dim overhead light didn't do much so she wrote by the light of her beside lamp. It rested on a scratched up oak wood nightstand that had a drawer that stuck.

I can't believe John thinks I like Jason. Why would he accuse me of that? I've known Jason just as long as I've known the rest of the guys. Since I was six years old and Mom and Dad adopted me. It's been ten years. Besides Craig, John and Matt there are three guys I could like out of our "gang". Jason, Shawn or Chris. So why would he pick Jason out of them? I guess because, well, Shawn spends a fair amount of his time in jail and Chris, he likes to get drunk off his ass every weekend. But they're still good guys.

Jason's so shy and quiet. He hardly ever says anything. Unless it's just me, him and Matt. Or just him and Matt. He talks to Shawn sometimes, and occasionally to John. But almost anyone can talk to John; he's easy to talk to. And when it's just Jason and I we can talk for hours.

John even thinks that Jason likes me. He's completely insane. Jason doesn't like me like that and I don't like Jason like that. We're just really good friends, but . . . but not that good, not anything more than really good friends. Nothing more . . . that's it.

At least, I think that's it. I've known him almost my whole life, and we've been best friends. John and Jason are the two guys out of our "gang" that I've always been closest to.

_Jason_ _is_ _sweet, smart, and funny. And cute. He understands me. I can talk to him about anything. Maybe I do like him, just a little. No, no, he's just a friend, just . . . one of my best friends._

***

"Wake up!" The shout came from right next to Sam's ear.

"Please tell me I'm dreaming." Sam muttered as she rolled over in her bed.

"No, you're not! Get up! Get up! Get up!"

"John?'

"Yes, it's your loving big brother, John! Come on Sam, get up!" He shouted.

"Why? I'm tired, leave me alone. And why are you jumping on my bed?"

"So you'll wake up! Come on, it's 9:24!"

"It's also Saturday, which is exactly why I should be asleep!" Sam yelled the last word through the covers.

"What's today's date?"

"I don't know and I don't care. Go away!" She turned away from him.

"It's June 12th! Your birthday! You're seventeen!"

"No, I'm not. Today's the eleventh."

"No, it's the twelfth! And you're seventeen!"

Sam glanced over at the calendar hanging near the window in her room. Friday, June 11th had been crossed off. It was her birthday. She hated it when John was right. But she did like that it was her birthday.

Sam turned over and smiled at John, who had stopped jumping on the bed. She pushed her hair out of her face. "I hate it when you're right." She said.

He reached over and messed up her hair. "Come on, get up." He got up and walked to Sam's bedroom door. "Oh and by the way, happy birthday _baby_ sis." He said before closing her door. Sam shook her head with a grin and pushed the covers off of herself.

"John." Matt said when he walked into the living room yawning. "Why did you make us get up at 9:30?"

"'Cuz I'm excited." He did a hop, skip and a jump over to the kitchen.

"It's not even your birthday."

"So?" He shrugged.

Matt shook his head. "Forget it."

Sam came out into the living room brushing her hair.

"I'm up, are you happy?" She asked John.

"Yep."

"Why'd you make me get up at 9:30?" She pulled the hair out of the brush and dumped it into the bathroom garbage pail.

"'Cuz the guys and Juliana and Derek are coming over for a little party kinda thing, and Shawn has to go into work at 1:00, and he wanted to be able to come."

"I don't need a party." Sam offered a small smile.

"It's not a party, it's just the guys, Juliana and Derek, and Craig's gonna make his famous cake."

"That's sweet. Thanks." She headed to her room to put the hairbrush where it belonged.

"No problem. You know I love my baby sister." He smirked.

Sam kept trying to help out in the kitchen, but Craig refused to let her. So she settled onto one of their white kitchen chairs and continued reading her book.

Soon the whole gang had arrived. Juliana and Derek came together. Juliana gave Sam a tight hug and Derek kissed her on the cheek. Sam knew that Derek sort of liked her but she had never felt that way about him.

Shawn and Chris arrived. The screen door slammed shut behind them. None of the guys ever knocked. Sam was still sitting in a chair reading, and they both hugged her from behind, making her almost jump out of her skin. They teased her saying, "Our little baby girl's growing up."

Then Jason came. Sam was in the kitchen with everyone else when she heard the door close.

"Hey." She smiled seeing Jason as she walked into the living room.

"Hey." He smiled back. Sam's hair was down, partially hiding her face.

They met in the middle of the room. "Happy Birthday." He said.

"Thanks." She reached out to hug him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist. Usually, the annual hug she got for her birthday only lasted about five seconds, but this time Jason couldn't seem to let go of Sam and Sam didn't want him to. She thought about that night a year ago when John had accused her of liking Jason. Maybe he was right.

Jason's eyes were closed, but he could smell the sweet scent of Sam's hair mingled with the scent of her perfume. He imagined himself kissing her, holding her in his arms for real.

They pulled away from each other, but not a lot. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck and his were still around her waist. Their faces were only about an inch apart.

"Hi." Sam whispered.

"Hi." Jason breathed back.

If, what they both were thinking was going to happen, happened, it would be Sam's first kiss. Jason's too.

The moment seemed to last an eternity. They leaned in closer, their lips just barely touching, brushing against each other, then . . .

"Sam!"

They jumped apart like two magnets repelling each other.

John eyed them a little suspiciously. "Come on, it's time to sing Happy Birthday." He nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen. His perfect hair swung into his eyes.

Sam looked at Jason one last time, a hint of longing in her eyes and walked away.

Jason stayed where he was. His shoulders sagged. It had almost happened, and he didn't know when he'd get another chance.

"Jason, ya' coming?" Someone who might have been Shawn called from the kitchen.

"Yeah." He said. He walked into the kitchen and the chorus of "Happy Birthday" started.

***

"What was going on with you and Jason?" Juliana asked Sam. The party was over and Juliana and Sam were in Sam's room studying. They had a big history test soon.

"What are you talking about?" Sam stared down at a chart on the page she was on.

"You guys were acting so weird around each other at the party." She said, turning a page in her history textbook.

"Oh, um . . . I . . . we . . ." Sam tilted her head to the side. She opened and closed her mouth several times.

"Did you have a fight?" Juliana's voice rose an octave.

"No, we . . . we didn't have a fight." Sam shook her head, her light hair falling into her eyes.

"What happened?" Juliana asked.

"Nothing." Sam shrugged.

"Sam, come on, I'm not dumb. I'm in all those advanced classes with you." She joked. "What happened?" She nudged Sam's arm.

Sam bit her lip and hesitated. "We almost kissed."

A huge smile spread across Juliana's face. "Oh my god, really? Finally! After all these years? You two finally-wait, almost kissed?"

"Yes, almost." Sam nodded.

"Almost? Why almost?" Juliana pouted.

"Well, just as we were about to kiss John came in."

"Oh, crap." Juliana's eyes widened at the thought.

"Yeah." Sam sighed.

"Hey, Jason." John sat down next to him on the bench in the park. The red paint was chipping.

"Hi." He lit a cigarette and handed one to John.

"You two okay?" John asked, lighting up.

"Who?" Jason asked as he put his cigarette to his lips.

"You and Sam." John blew a puff of smoke out.

"Yeah, we're fine. Why?"

"Well, you two acted really weird around each other at her party. And when I walked into the living room it looked like you two were about to . . ."

"About to what?" Jason swung his head to face John.

"It looked like you two were about to kiss." John said. Jason was silent, looking out onto the setting sun. The oranges and reds bled across the sky.

"Were you?"

Jason looked at him for a second, his dark brown eyes thoughtful, deciding if he should tell John the truth.

"Yeah." He said finally. "We were."

"Why didn't you?"

Jason tried to blow a smoke ring. "'Cuz you walked in."

"So?" John asked.

_Why do Sam's brother seem so interested in us being together?_ Jason thought. "Do you really think I was gonna kiss your younger sister in front of you?" He raised an eyebrow at John.

"I don't know. Maybe . . . no, you definitely wouldn't." John deflated.

"Did you want him to kiss you?" Juliana asked.

Sam smiled, remembering how their lips just barely touched. "Sam?"

"Yeah, I did." She said.

"I knew it. You've been head over heels for that boy since you were twelve."

"I have not."

"Oh, please!"

"Fine. I have." Sam admitted finally.

"That's so cute."

"Cute?" Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, I want you guys to end up together. You'd be such an adorable couple and you're so crazy about each other."

"Wow." John said.

"What?" Jason asked.

"I just know you two have been crazy about each other since you were twelve."

"No we haven't." Jason shook his head.

"Jason, come on." John smirked.

"Alright, I've been crazy about Sam since I was twelve. But I don't know if she's been crazy about me since she was twelve." Jason shook the ashes from his cigarette onto the ground.

"She has been. Trust me." John nodded at Jason.

Jason smiled in spite of himself. "Really?"

"Would I lie to you?" John gestured with both hands to himself, raised his eyebrows and flipped his hair out of his eyes.

"No." Jason answered.

"I told you she liked you." John smiled.

Jason's smile widened. "Hey, why'd you say 'wow'?" he asked suddenly.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Even though I know you two are crazy about each other, I never thought the day would come when you two would kiss." He put out his cigarette in the glass ashtray on the rickety table next to him.

"It hasn't come yet." Jason said.

"Well, I know, but you _almost_ kissed, and that's a start."

Jason sighed. "I guess so."

"Do you think you guys will ever kiss?" Juliana asked Sam.

"I don't know." Sam answered. She stared at a spot just over Juliana's head of dark red hair. "I hope so."

The next day was the last day of classes. It was lunch time and Sam was hanging out with John in the cafeteria. The chatter around them was like a hive of bees.

"You happy school's over?" John asked her.

"No." She answered as she took a bite of pizza.

"Yeah, stupid question. But aren't you at least looking forward to summer?" He handed her a napkin.

"Kind of. But you don't have summer work. I do." She said with her mouth full.

"That's because you chose to be smart and take advanced classes." He picked up a handful of fries and stuffed them into his mouth.

"I know." Sam said, shaking her head. "How dumb of me." She grinned and shook her head again, her hair falling around her shoulders.

"Hey." Jason sat down across from Sam. He didn't have a lunch tray. He probably didn't have money again.

"Hey." She said smiling. She slid her container of fries over to him. Their hands touched and they stayed together like that for a moment. He smiled softly at her and picked up a fry.

Sam and Jason didn't talk to each other much that day, but Jason walked her home like he'd done every day since fifth grade. The walk was only ten minutes or so but everyone insisted that Sam have someone walk her home. She and Jason talked and laughed and smiled shyly at each other as they walked the ten minutes to her house. There seemed to be some silent agreement between them to not talk about their almost-kiss.

The moonlight shone in through the curtains in Sam's room as she sat on her bed listening to the music of Elvis Presley singing, "Can't Help Falling in Love" float in her room through the living room wall. She opened the journal that she'd gotten for her sixteenth birthday. There were about twenty pages left. She flipped to a clean page and began to write.

My seventeenth birthday was fun. John put together a little party for me with the guys and Juliana and Derek. There was a delicious cake. A few gifts. Jason and I almost kissed. That was different...unexpected, I guess. Or maybe not. Except then, John walked in. Just as our lips touched, my brother walked in. Great. I thought that I didn't like Jason but I really wanted to kiss him today. Maybe I was just in denial. Why, though? I don't know. Who knows. Kissing him would've been a nice birthday gift, though. When I saw him at school neither of us brought it up, though, Maybe it's better that way.

***

No one had mentioned Sam's seventeenth birthday again. It was now two months into her and Jason's senior year.

One brisk night in November Sam was sitting on her porch reading, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She noticed Jason asleep on a bench in the park across from her house. This wasn't unusual. But Sam couldn't stand to see him out there and wanted to help him whenever she could. Jason's dad was a drunk and was always beating him up and kicking him out of his house. She stood up, the blanket falling off of her shoulders.

Jason felt a hand on his shoulder and someone gently shaking him. "Jason?" It was Sam.

He sat up. "Sam? What are you doing here?" She sat down next to him. "I saw you from my porch. You can't sleep out here."

"Sam, you don't have a jacket on." He said. "You must be freezing. Here." He took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"Thanks." She smiled and shook her head. "Jason, why didn't you just come to our house?"

"The lights were off. I didn't wanna wake anyone up." He looked down at his knees.

"Don't be ridiculous. Besides, it's freezing tonight. You can't sleep outside." She stood up. "Come on." She nodded toward their house.

He stood up and followed Sam.

Sam closed her front door behind her and handed Jason his jean jacket. "Come on."

"What?" He said, about to lie down on the couch.

"It's just as bad here as it is outside." She said, grabbing his hand.

"Where are we going?" He asked, his voice reaching a new octave.

"My room."

"Won't . . . won't Craig be upset if I sleep in your room?" He asked as Sam got blankets and pillows out from the hallway closet.

"No. He'll be fine. It's not like we're sleeping in the same bed, Jason." She took his hand again and felt herself blushing. She looked at Jason and saw that he was blushing too.

She closed her door and laid the blankets and pillows next to her bed.

"It's not a real bed or anything." She said, climbing into her own bed. "But it's better than a park bench."

Jason smiled. "It's great, Sam. Thanks so much." He sat down on his makeshift bed.

"No problem." She said, pulling her dark blue sheets over her. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Jason said, pulling the sheets on his makeshift bed over him.

Jason woke up later that night when he heard Sam moving around in her sleep. Suddenly, she sat up, with tears streaming down her face.

"Sam?" Jason asked, his eyebrows pulled close together, a small wrinkle in his forehead.

"Oh, Jason, you scared me." She said, wiping away the tears that had just fallen.

She got out of bed and got a sweater out of her dresser drawer.

"Sam, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Jason I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You're crying."

She smiled through her tears, and went to sit down next to him.

He pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She offered a watery smile.

"Sam."

"It's just this stupid nightmare I've been having for years. Forget it, it's dumb." She moved to get up.

Jason gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down. "It's not dumb."

"How do you know?" She asked with a humorless laugh.

"You're crying. It can't be dumb if you're crying about it."

She smiled at him, but tears were still pouring down her face. Jason didn't know what he should do. He'd never seen Sam cry before. Except for at her parents funeral. But even then, she hadn't been crying the way she was now. He didn't know what to do now. Should he say something? What? Should he pull her close to him and hold her in his arms?

"What's your nightmare about?" He asked. "You don't have to tell me." He added.

"No, I want to tell you. I can tell you anything." She moved closer to him and Jason slid his hand in hers.

"You know about my biological parents, right?" Sam asked.

Jason didn't like to think about it. All he knew was that they used to beat Sam. "What about them?"

"Do you know what happened the night I was taken to the orphanage?"

"No." He said, not sure that he wanted to know.

"Well, that's what I dream about, or part of what I dream about. My parent's car crash and funeral. But . . . it's different."

"Sam?" Jason said, not able to hold back the question. "What did happen the night you were taken to the orphanage?"

"That's how my dream starts out." She said. "I'm five and a half lying in my bed around three in the morning, when my mother comes in and tells me to climb out the window. I listened, 'cuz, well I knew what would happen if I didn't."

Jason closed his eyes, trying to get the image of a five year old Sam being beaten by one of her parents out of his head.

"I asked her what was going on, and she said my father was 'more drunk than usual' and he had a gun. He wanted to kill us. She said the only reason she took me was because as a single parent she might be able to get some money from the government. Otherwise, she'd just let him kill me. She didn't notice that he'd stolen a car and was catching up to us. The car stalled, moved forward a little, and then stopped. I heard sirens, but the police didn't get there in time. My father pulled up next to us and shot my mother in the head. I climbed out of the car window, watched her body carried off and watched him get arrested. Then a police officer picked me up, brought me to the station and I waited there until someone from the orphanage came to get me."

Jason could hardly believe what he had just heard. He knew that Sam's biological mother was dead, and that her father was in jail, but he'd never known the two events were connected.

"And then I see my mom and dad when they came to adopt me, but my biological parents are standing in the background, watching everything."

"Then my dream goes to when my mom made me the quilt, the white one with the flowers. But for a second her eyes change to the same color as my biological father's—black. And in the background I see my parent's car crash into the drunk driver."

"After that, I'm sitting in between John and Matt at my Mom and Dad's funeral. I look up and see my biological parents standing next to my parents coffins. My 'mother' is wearing a black dress and my 'father' is wearing a black suit, shirt and tie. And he's holding a gun and shoots my biological mother in the head again, and blood splatters all over mom and dad's coffins. I'm suddenly up there looking into the coffins and my parents' faces change to my biological parents. Dad's face is my biological father's, mom's face is my biological mother's. Then they open their eyes, glaring up at me."

"Then it's back to normal. And beside my mom's coffin is my biological mother, besides my dad's is my biological father. They both take out a gun. My biological mother points it into mom's face. My biological father points it into dad's face. Then, at the same time they pull the trigger. And I wake up."

By this time there were a flood of tears pouring out of Sam's eyes, and Jason had wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and stroking her hair.

"It's okay," he said, trying to comfort her and not knowing what else to say. "Shhh . . . it was only a dream."

"I know." She stuttered and drew in a long, quivering breath. "But I keep having the same dream over and over."

"Every night?" Jason asked, rubbing her back.

"No. But three or four times a week. And it just seems so real and I hate thinking about my biological parents." She said this all in one rush of breath.

"I know." Jason nodded, and held her chin between two fingers. He wanted her to take a real breath but she continued.

"And then I think about you-" She was rushing her words again. The moonlight shone through the curtains into her room. It touched her face and hair, making them light up.

"Me?"

"-and you're dad." The words poured from her mouth like acid.

"Oh." Jason's voice turned dark.

"I'm sorry." Sam squeezed his hand.

"Why?" He asked as he looked at the journal on her dresser.

"I don't know. I didn't mean to bring up your dad." She stuttered over her words and a small hiccup escaped her lips.

"It's okay, Sam." There was a silence, except for the sound of Sam's sobs. "Why would your dream remind you of me and my dad?"

"Jason, I'm not stupid. I know your dad beats you." She hiccupped again and sobbed even harder. Long sobs ripped through her body. She couldn't stand the fact that Jason's father beat him. She cared about Jason so much, and she'd seen the bruises on his arms and face, even seen him get beaten a few times (although he didn't know she saw). She hated his father, like she'd never hated anyone before, even her biological parents.

"I hate it. At least I got away, at least I only had to deal with a few years of it, you haven't gotten away yet." She finally allowed herself to look at him.

Jason's eyes were closed. He hated it too, and his father. But what he hated even more was thinking that Sam ever had to go through the same thing. He remembered his mom, too scared to say anything about what his dad was doing to her, and then she got cancer and died when he was seven years old, and his father started beating him.

"Don't worry about me." He said to Sam, who was still sobbing into his shoulder, her tears soaking through his brown shirt. "I'll be fine; I won't be living there forever. Shh . . . it's okay Sam." He wanted more than anything for Sam to know how much he cared about her, how much he loved her.

He blinked. Did he love her?

He did. He did love her. He'd always loved her and he always would, but he was pretty sure this wasn't the right time to tell her.

Sam loved the way Jason's voice sounded, the way he comforted her, and the way his arms felt around her, making sure she was safe. The words "I love you" almost tumbled out of her mouth.

"Shhh . . . shhh . . . everything's fine, everything'll be okay." He said softly.

Then, with Sam still in his arms, he laid back on the pillow she'd put next to her bed, pulling the blue sheet partially over them.

Sam, with the sound of Jason's voice, and the feel of him stroking her hair, cried herself to sleep in his arms.

***

John knocked on Sam's bedroom door the next morning. There was no answer. He knocked again. Nothing. He knocked one more time. Still no answer.

"Sam?" He opened the door slowly. "Sam?"

He looked at her bed, saw the sheets pulled down, but no Sam. Then he looked to the floor next to her bed.

Both Jason and Sam were lying there, with her blue sheet partially covering them.

Sam had her head and her left hand on his chest. Jason had one arm wrapped around her waist and one on the back of her head, over her blonde hair.

_Damn it._ John thought to himself. _Did they-?_ He shook his head. _If they did Craig'll go ballistic._

"Sam?!"

Sam opened her eyes, looked up at Jason, who had begun opening his eyes; they looked at John and sat up. They sprung away from each other.

"John." Sam said, but she stopped there. By the expression on John's face, she knew he thought that she and Jason had slept together. Now she was lost for words.

"Sam-" John began, choosing his words carefully. "What's Jason doing in your room?"

"Nothing." Sam and Jason said in unison.

"Nothing. Really?" John asked.

"Well, no, not nothing . . . something." Sam said. "But not the something you're thinking of." She added hastily.

"Yeah." Jason said. "Nothing like that happened."

"Uh-huh." John said slowly.

"John." Sam said, getting up and sitting on the edge of her bed.

"What?"

"You do believe me, right? Nothing happened."

"I don't know." He glanced at Jason.

"John!" Sam threw her hands up in the air and let them fall to the bed.

"John-" Jason began, sitting on the bed, far away from Sam. "We're telling the truth. Nothing like that happened."

John pulled up Sam's desk chair and sat in front of Sam and Jason. "Then what did happen?"

"Um, well, Jason was sleeping on a bench in the park outside."

"So Sam came over to me and told me it was too cold outside and to come sleep at your house."

"But it was still really cold in the living room, so I told him he could sleep in my room."

"She would've asked you, or Craig, or Matt to let me sleep in one of your rooms, but you guys were already asleep."

"Yeah, so I put some blankets and pillows on the floor next to my bed, so he could sleep there. Jason actually thought Craig would get mad, but I told him it was fine. So, don't get mad at Jason."

John looked from Sam to Jason. Both of their eyes were wide in something close to terror. Although, Jason looked much more terrified than Sam.

"So . . . why were you two . . . on the floor . . . together?" John asked, trying not to think about how weird that question sounded.

Sam's face transformed. She bowed her head and her eyes fell to her lap. Jason glanced at her.

"I heard Sam moving in her sleep and when she woke up, I, noticed she was crying." He said.

He glanced at Sam, who refused to meet his or John's gaze.

"She had a nightmare." Jason continued. "About your parents and her biological parents."

"So, she sat next to me on the floor to tell me about her nightmare. And she got really upset and started crying again. I guess we must have fallen asleep." Jason didn't mention the part about his father.

"Which nightmare was it?" John asked.

Sam looked up reluctantly. "The same one." She shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell me you were still having that nightmare?"

"It's not a big deal."

John smiled a little. "You are the most stubborn person I've ever met."

She rolled her eyes.

"So nothing happened?" He asked.

"Nothing happened." Sam said again.

John looked from Jason to Sam, and then half-smiled, got up, kissed the top of Sam's head and walked out of her bedroom. Blatantly leaving the door open behind him.

Sam got up to go help make breakfast. Jason followed her, but before they got into the living room, he gently grabbed her wrist and said "Sam, are you sure you're okay?"

"Jason, I'm fine."

He didn't look very convinced.

She smiled. "Really, I am."

"Oh, and-" she stood on the tips of her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks."

***

***

They walked into the house at the end of Sam's street. The country music was blasting.

"Do you see him?" Sam asked Jason. She had to nearly yell to make her voice heard.

They were looking for Chris. Shawn told them that he ran into Chris on the way to their house and he had told him about this party. Shawn was drunk on Sam's couch when she and Jason came home from the movies (they liked to see movies when they could). His dad kicked him out again so of course he went straight to Sam's house and then straight to their fridge to get the beer. He had heard Chris talking about that party and knew he would just get himself into trouble. He asked Sam and Jason to go look for him. They only went looking for him to keep him from getting arrested again.

"No. Wait, yeah, he's over there. Sam, wait!" She had already started walking toward Chris.

"Sam!" Jason had just caught up to her.

"Sorry." She said. Jason grabbed her hand to keep them together.

"Geez, how many people are here?" Sam asked as they wove their way through the crowd, most of which were drunk. Sam could feel her cheeks turning red, Jason's hand felt warm on hers. She didn't want him to let go. But as soon as that thought ran through her head his hand slipped from hers.

Someone had just wrapped their arm around her waist and pulled her toward them.

"Heeey." A tall, skinny, messy brown haired, green eyed guy was standing in front of her, keeping a tight hold on her waist. Sam coughed and felt like she was going to throw up. His breath smelled so heavily of alcohol. He took a sip from the bottle of beer he was holding.

"Hey, baby." He said.

"Get away from me." She tried to break away, but he wrapped his other arm around her waist.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

_Damn it._ Sam thought to herself. W _here's Jason?_

"Don't you wanna kiss?" He said, trying to pull her closer.

"No! Damn it! Let _go_ of me!" She struggled to break free of his grasp.

Just as he was about to kiss her, Sam felt a different pair of hands on her waist, pulling her away from him. The next thing she saw was Jason, with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

"She's with me." He said, and they turned around to go find Chris.

"Yeah, I don't think so." They heard the messy brown haired guy say. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder; Jason pushed it away. "Hey, lay off!"

He didn't lay off. He tried to pull Sam back toward him. Finally, Jason turned around and punched him in the face. There was a sickening cracking sound and blood gushed from the drunken guy's nose all over his shirt.

"You broke my nose!" He yelled, his speech garbled by his broken nose and the blood dripping down into his mouth.

"Come on." Jason said, grabbing Sam's hand once again and turning towards Chris, who was on the other side of the room.

Sam was blushing again. If they weren't trying to get Chris back to her house she would've made them stop in their tracks, turned Jason around and kissed him full on the lips.

"Chris!" Sam said, grabbing his arm.

"Hey, Sam! Jason! What are you two kids doin' here?"

"Chris, come on, we're going to go back to my house, okay?" She said.

"Nope, sorry, blondie." He said smiling.

"Chris, come on man, please." Jason said, looking around the room and at the guys eyeing Sam.

"No way."

Jason grabbed Chris's arm and dragged him into an empty hallway.

"Listen, you're coming with us whether you like it or not."

Chris looked at Jason, his eyebrows raised high. Jason never talked back to anybody like that. Then he laughed.

"Chris, come on, please just come with us." Sam said, glancing behind her.

"No." He said, clutching his bottle of beer like a baby clutches their bottle.

"Chris, I'm sure there's beer at my house. If all you want is beer isn't it better to get drunk at my house, so we can keep you from doing something stupid and getting yourself arrested?"

He just laughed again. Sam didn't actually want Chris to get drunk; she hated seeing people drunk. It brought back memories of her biological parents. But it was the only way she could think of to get him to go with them.

Jason kept trying to get Chris to come with them, but nothing was working. Sam was getting tired of this, and she had a terrible headache and was starting to feel dizzy. She turned around and saw a door a few feet away. She could hardly move. She was losing her balance. But she walked over to it, opened the door slowly, saw no one was there and went inside, closing the door softly behind her. She sat down on the bed and then lay back holding her head in her hands.

Meanwhile, Jason was still trying to get Chris to go with them. Chris finally just walked away.

Jason turned and noticed that Sam was gone. He first looked back in the room where everyone was but Sam wasn't there so he checked the rooms in the hallway.

Sam heard the door creak open and her shoulders tensed.

"Sam?" He said. She relaxed and smiled when she heard Jason's voice.

"Hey." She said sitting up slowly.

"You scared me." He said sitting down on the bed next to her. "I turned around and you were gone."

"Sorry." She said.

"What's wrong?" He pushed a strand of hair out of her face.

"Nothing."

"Liar." He said smiling. She smiled back.

"I don't know. It's just I'm so tired of having to do this. I'm sick of helping people who don't want to help themselves."

"I think Chris does want to help himself, he just . . . doesn't know how."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just . . . frustrated I guess. I mean, I really care about Chris; he's been like a brother to me ever since I was adopted. So has Shawn." She lay back down on the bed.

Jason noticed that he wasn't included in that statement, and he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. He lay down next to her.

Sam realized she didn't say Jason was like a brother. But how could she? He wasn't like a brother. He was . . . he was . . . what was he? All the guys said he'd liked her for years. And when she thought about it there were always little signs. Holding her hand, gently pushing a strand of hair out of her face, the way he looked at her sometimes. Then, of course, there was her seventeenth birthday where they almost kissed. Sam definitely liked him, and she was pretty sure that he liked her, but he never did anything about it. Except for when they almost kissed.

"What am I?' He asked.

"What?" Sam nearly squeaked out.

"Well, Craig, John and Matt _are_ you brothers. You're not blood-related, but technically they _are_ your brothers. Shawn and Chris are _like_ brothers to you. So what am I?"

Sam sat up a little too quickly. The room spun for a second. She rubbed her temples and took a deep breath.

"I don't know." She said with her eyes still closed. Slowly she opened them and Jason noticed that today they were green.

Jason sat up as well. "You don't know?" He laid his hand on top of hers. As soon as his hand touched hers, she felt the same way she felt the day of her seventeenth birthday. The day that they almost kissed. She didn't know why, it's not as if he'd never touched her hand before. But this was different somehow.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I don't know." She said again.

"Why don't you know?"

"I don't know."

"Why do you keep saying 'I don't know'?" He smiled.

She smiled a little too. "I don't know."

"Why aren't you looking at me?" He asked, putting a hand under her chin and gently turning her face towards his.

She looked directly into his dark brown eyes, slowly answering his question, and they leaned closer with every word. "I . . . don't . . . know."

Their lips met for the first time. Finally. They thought it would never happen.

Jason wrapped one arm around Sam's waist, pulling her closer to him, and ran his fingers through her bleach blonde hair. Sam's kiss tasted warm and sweet and Jason couldn't believe he'd waited this long to find out.

Jason's kiss was warm and it felt so perfect being in his arms. Sam was disappointed it had taken this long for them to end up together, but happier than she'd ever been in her life that it had finally happened.

They pulled away from each other. Not a word was said; they just stared into each other's eyes and smiled. Jason leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss. Sam leaned toward Jason and did the same. They then leaned toward each other and started kissing again. They didn't notice the door creak open.

"Oh." They noticed the voice and broke apart. "Sorry."

"Uh, it's okay." Sam said, blushing for the third time that night.

"What is it?" Jason asked.

"That guy you were trying to get out of here. What's his name, Chris?"

Jason nodded.

"He just passed out."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Thanks." The guy nodded and left.

"I guess we have to go get him." Jason said.

"Are you kidding? We can't carry him." Chris was a big guy. Not heavy set but large. He was about six foot two and at least two hundred pounds.

"We'll have to call someone. How about Craig?"

"Yeah, he could carry him."

"Come on. The sooner we call Craig the sooner you can go home."

She smiled, stood up and swayed on the spot. Jason steadied her.

"Go home and take some aspirin." She murmured.

Jason smiled, wrapped his arm around her waist and they walked back to where the party was.

Jason grabbed the phone and dialed Sam's home number.

"Craig?" He said before Craig could say anything.

"Jason?" Craig asked.

"Yeah, it's Jason."

"Where's Sam?" He talked over Jason.

"She's with me."

"Where are you?" Craig's voice had a stern edge to it.

"We're at a party. Well, sort of. We came to get Chris. He just passed out. Could you come pick us up?"

"Yeah, sure. Where are you?" He sighed.

Sam didn't hear the rest of the conversation. Her headache had turned into a horrible migraine. All the voices and music from the party were blending together. She could hardly hold herself up.

"Sam? Sam?" It was Jason's voice.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head and regretted it immediately. "No." She said. She stumbled backwards away from him.

Someone was coming up to them. It was another guy. He was drunk, but nowhere near as drunk as the last one.

"Hey." He said, eyeing Sam.

She couldn't manage anything except a small smile.

"Do you wanna dance?" He took a swig of beer.

She slowly shook her head.

"Why not?" He made a pouting face.

Jason answered for her. "She's here with someone."

"Who?" The guy scoffed.

"Me."

"What are you her boyfriend?"

"Yes." Jason said. Sam glanced up at him, wanting to say something, but staying silent because: one—she could hardly talk right now and, two—even if she could she didn't know what she'd say.

"Prove it." The guy said.

"Excuse me?" Jason said.

"From the way she backed away from you I'd never guess she was your girlfriend."

"Are you kidding me, man?" Jason said, his eyebrow arched in disbelief.

"No."

"Fine." He rolled his eyes. "How do you want me to prove it?"

"If you kiss her and she doesn't smack you then I'll believe you."

_Annoying drunk,_ Sam thought.

Jason laughed softly and shook his head. "Fine." He turned to Sam, leaned toward her and their lips met again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped one arm around her waist and with his other hand he stroked her soft blonde hair.

He pulled away, smiled and turned to the other guy. "Happy?" He asked.

The guy shrugged and walked away.

"Craig's here." Jason said, and he and Sam walked over to him.

"Hey." He said. "Where's Chris?"

"On the couch." Jason pointed over his shoulder.

"Sam?" Craig said. "Are you alright?"

"No. She has a really bad migraine." Jason answered.

As soon as the words came out of his mouth Sam lost her balance and fell to the floor on her knees.

"Sam!" Jason and Craig yelled together. They got down on the floor next to her. She was on her hands and knees now. She felt nauseated.

"Sam?" Jason rubbed her back. She tried to get up and when she couldn't fell back down on the floor. Jason sat down next to her.

"Can you walk?" He asked.

She shook her head; she was too dizzy. Sam hated having migraines. The pain was bad enough, but she prided herself as being independent and her migraines prevented her from always being that way.

"Alright." Craig said getting up. "You get Sam, I'll get Chris."

"Okay." He turned to Sam. She opened her eyes. "Uh, I'm gonna pick you up okay?" She smiled a little bit, blushed again and nodded. Jason gently lifted her up. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Sam?" John got up from the couch and went over to Jason.

Then he saw Chris, who Craig had just put on the couch.

"What happened?" He asked.

Jason explained what had happened at the party.

Sam's eyes were closed. "Did she faint?" John asked.

"No. She fell asleep in the car."

"Does she have a fever?" John put a hand on her forehead. "I don't know." Jason shook his head.

"No." John said. "She's fine. She just needs to sleep."

"I'll bring her in her room." Jason said.

As he walked to Sam's room, he remembered that night two years ago; the first time she laid her head on his shoulder. He'd carried her into her room then, too.

The door to Sam's room was open. He walked in and gently laid her down on her bed. Glancing around her room he saw the comforter her mom had made her for her thirteenth birthday. He picked it up, laid it over her small body and tucked it in around her.

Jason looked down at her smiling. He leaned over, pushed her hair out of her face and kissed her gently on her forehead.

He walked to her door, but before leaving he took one last look at Sam. Her tanned skin, her small body. He knew below those tanned eyelids were beautiful eyes; the ones that changed colors every few hours. And he looked at her gorgeous hair. More than anything he wanted to taste her warm sweet kiss again. But he just looked at her sweet face, smiled, turned around and closed her door behind him.

"Oh." He said, bumping into John in the hallway.

"Hey, Jason." He said smiling.

"Hey." He smiled back. John didn't say anything else, so Jason turned and walked away, wondering what John saw.

***

Jason went outside to the run down porch and sat down on the steps. The door opened behind him and John stepped out next to him. He sat down on the porch steps which were barely white anymore due to severely peeling paint. "So, kid, what happened tonight?"

"Nothing. Chris passed out, Sam got a migraine. I called Craig and he drove us back."

"I mean what happened with you and Sam?"

Jason blushed. "Nothing happened with me and Sam."

"Mhmm." John said as he lit a cigarette.

"Nothing happened." Jason said again.

"I don't believe you."

"Why not?"

"'Cuz your face is bright red kid." John said, smirking.

Jason smiled too, thinking about what had happened barely an hour ago. He smiled wider, wanting to kiss Sam again. And again. And again.

Jason was brought out of his reverie by the sound of John laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" Jason asked, shifting in his spot.

"If you're trying to keep what happened between you two a secret, you're not doin' a very good job."

Jason didn't answer but could feel his face turning red again.

"And, ya' know, Jason, I am Sam's older brother. So I think I should know what happened, don't you?"

What was he supposed to say? 'I kissed your baby sister'? No.

"Uh, me and Sam kissed." Jason said quickly.

"Yeah, thought so."

"Then why'd you ask me what happened?" Jason asked.

"Cuz I wasn't sure."

There was silence between them for a few minutes.

Then Jason spoke. "Are you mad?"

"What?" John asked. "No. Course not. Why would I be mad?"

"I don't know." Jason said shyly. "Cuz, Sam's your baby sister."

"If it was anyone but you, I'd give them a lecture and say if they tried anything I'd beat 'em to death. But it's you. You've loved Sam forever. And you really care about her. You'd never hurt her."

"Of course I wouldn't." Jason's eyes betrayed no hint of a lie.

"Then we shouldn't have a problem kid." He said, messing up Jason's jet black hair.

Everyone in the senior class was talking about how they couldn't believe the year was almost over. Sam wasn't nearly as concerned. She was thinking about what happened between her and Jason last night.

"Sam. Sam. Samantha? Miss Ramsden!"

Sam blinked and looked back up at the front of the classroom.

"Is our head in the clouds?" She asked.

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry." The bell rang just after she finished her sentence.

Sam saw Jason standing outside the classroom as she started packing her books. His class was right next door to hers. She smiled and waved to him. He smiled shyly and waved back.

As the class was packing up their stuff Mrs. Henderson called Sam over to her desk. She looked at Jason as her teacher closed the door.

"Yes." Sam said.

"You seemed distracted during class. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything's fine."

"Samantha, I notice you hang out with that boy, Jason, quite a bit." Mrs. Henderson seemed like she was looking down her nose at him even though he wasn't there.

"Yes . . . and?" Sam asked.

"Well, he meets you outside class every day. And . . . .watching you two together it seems like he's got a bit of an interest in you. And that you may have an interest in him."

"So?" Sam tried to keep her tone acceptable.

"I just think. It's just that." Mrs. Henderson paused and took a deep breath. Despite her efforts, she blurted. "You have so much potential! And I don't think that Jason is good enough for you. I don't want him to hold you back."

Sam was silent, seething. And then she spoke up. "What do you want me to say? 'Thank you for your concern?' 'I understand?' 'I'll take it under consideration?'"

"Sam." Mrs. Henderson puffed up.

"No. Listen to me. I don't give a damn what you think. You don't know Jason. I do. No one knows Jason like I do. He's so much more than you see. Than anyone sees. Even him. And you are right about one thing. Jason's not just 'good enough' for me. He's perfect for me." With that, Sam swung open the door and let it slam behind her, running straight into Jason.

"Oh."

"What's wrong?" Jason asked, putting his hands on her shoulders to steady her.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Now." She smiled.

"So, um, should we talk about what happened last night?" She continued.

"I guess we should." Jason said. He unsuccessfully attempted to hide his smile.

"You said you were my boyfriend. Last night. When that guy tried to get me to dance with him."

"I'm kind of surprised you remember." Jason smirked.

"I wasn't the drunk one. Chris was." Sam pointed out.

Jason laughed softly. "I know. But you did have a really bad migraine."

"I don't think that I'd forget that kiss." They both blushed. "Or that you said you were my boyfriend."

"Oh, yeah, I . . ." Jason searched frantically for words.

"Do you want to be?" She said.

"What?" He squeaked out and then cleared his throat loudly.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" Sam asked.

"Well, I, uh." He stuttered again.

"Jason." Sam said, taking his hand.

"Yeah, I do. So, uh, Sam, do you wanna go steady with me?"

Sam smile was so wide that almost all of her teeth became visible. "Yes." She said. Jason smiled, leaned in and kissed her.

"So that's a yes? You want to be a couple?" Sam leaned back and looked into his dark brown eyes.

He kissed her again. "Yes."

Sam continued to smile so wide that her cheeks hurt. "How are we going to tell the guys?"

"We could just have John tell them." Jason shrugged.

"Excuse me?" She arched a quizzical eyebrow.

"John knows what happened last night." He explained.

"Of course he does. I shouldn't be surprised." She shook her head but smirked in spite of herself. John would be the first of them to know.

Sam smiled wider. Jason smiled right back at her and leaned in for another kiss.

***

It was the end of June 1966. The senior class of Deermont High had graduated. Sam had never seen Craig so proud.

Sam, Juliana, and Derek had all gotten acceptance letters to Princeton. Sam had been waiting to hear from financial aid. One stifling day the letter finally came.

It was late afternoon and Jason and Sam were on the couch watching a movie. The guys of course teased them a lot, followed by quite a few congratulations. Craig wasn't ecstatic, but he accepted it.

Craig walked out to the end of the driveway and sitting in their gray mailbox was a letter from Princeton financial aide. For a moment he let hope bubble up inside him. He quickly suppressed it. He couldn't let himself get his hopes up for this. Not yet. He knew the letter was technically for Sam, but he couldn't help himself. Before he went inside, Craig opened the letter, and his face dropped. How was he going to tell Sam?

"Sam." He called as he walked in, the screen door slamming behind him.

"Yeah?"

"We got a letter from Princeton financial aid." Craig said hesitantly.

She sat up straight. "What's it say?"

"Well, you got a scholarship." He began.

"Really? I did." She cut him off quickly. His face fell. Sam saw the look on his face now.

"What?" She said hesitantly, her eyebrows knitting close together.

"We still can't afford it." He said slowly.

"Oh." She flopped back down on the couch next to Jason. "Oh, uh. Okay."

"Sam, I'm sorry." He sat down on the couch next to her.

"It's okay, Craig. I understand. Princeton's expensive. It's fine. I could still take some classes around here."

"Sam, I—" Craig put his hand on her shoulder.

"Craig. It's fine. Really." She said with finality.

Craig sighed. He didn't know what else to say, so he went into the kitchen.

Jason pulled Sam closer and she rested her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair gently.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked.

"I'll survive."

"I'm sorry." He said and kissed the top of her head. She smiled and snuggled closer to him.

Sam sat nestled in the pile of pillows on her bed, journal open on her lap. This was a new one, a simple blue spiral notebook, she couldn't afford much else then.

You know, I want to be happy for Juliana and Derek. I really do, but I can't help feeling a little jealous of them. Jealous that they get to go to a great school like Princeton. They don't even have to worry about financial aid or scholarships or any of that. They don't have to worry about money period. I mean, I know that they have their own stuff to worry about, but still, it must be nice. Nice to have money and not have that stupid crap stop you from doing what you want to. I'm glad that I have Jason to make me feel better. But still, it makes me jealous. Even a little angry.

It was later that night, past midnight. Jason wasn't at Sam's house. He'd gone home to get sleep. Sam wished that he'd just never go back to his father's house again. She tried to convince him to stay at their place but he insisted on going home. Sam couldn't imagine why but she sincerely hoped that it wasn't because of Craig.

There was a knock on her bedroom door.

"Come in."

John peeked in. "Hey, baby sister."

Sam glanced up from her journal. "Hey, John. You can come in you know."

"Are you okay?" He asked, sitting down next to her on her bed.

"John, I'm fine." She sighed.

"You always say you're fine, Sam."

She paused. "I'll get over it."

"That's better." He nodded slightly.

"You want me to be sad?"

"No. I just don't want you pretending you're not." John offered her a small smile.

Sam lay back on her bed and sighed.

"Like I said, I'll get over it." She stared up at the white ceiling.

"Are Derek and Juliana going?" He asked.

"Of course they are. Besides, they don't need financial aid. They're rich." Sam tried not to let bitterness drip out of her voice but despite her efforts it still escaped.

"That's what you get for having a couple of rich friends. If all your friends were poor like us, you'd have a lot less of this disappointment." John said with his patented blend of complete seriousness and a hint of teasing.

Sam punched him on the arm. "Ouch." He said. Sam had grown up with a bunch of boys, so she could throw a powerful punch if she wanted to; and she wanted to.

"Don't be such a girl." Sam teased him.

"Yeah, yeah, smart ass. I'm just sayin'." John said, messing up Sam's hair. She smiled. John always did have a way of making her feel better.

***

Derek and Juliana were getting ready to head off to Princeton at the end of August. Sam had registered for a couple of classes at a community college close to their house. She was still upset about not going to Princeton, but she had Jason, and every time she looked at him she forgot about everything else. All things considered, she was the happiest she'd ever been in her life.

Jason couldn't afford to take Sam out to fancy restaurants or take her shopping, so there weren't a lot of "dates". At least not in the traditional way most people think of dates. He'd take her to a movie once in a while but that was about it. They'd go to the park and walk around there together. Sometimes Sam would go on the swings. Jason never really went on the swings, but he would push Sam on them. Otherwise, they'd hang out at Sam's house. Not Jason's though. Never Jason's.

"I wish I could get you stuff." Jason said suddenly one day when he and Sam were lying on Sam's bed. The lamp from her chipped wooden nightstand was dim.

"What?" She asked, turning to look at him.

"I don't know, I just wish that I could buy you stuff you know?"

"You don't need to get me anything. I don't need anything. I have you." She smiled. "What else could I possibly need?"

Jason blushed a bit and smiled at Sam looking deep into her eyes. Today they were a lovely sky blue. He placed a hand on the side of her face, kissed her and when she pulled away he said, "Sam?"

"Yeah, Jason?" Her eyes were content.

"I love you."

There was complete silence.

"Sam?" Jason asked.

"I-I." She stammered.

"Do you love me?"

"Jason, uh I." Her mouth flopped uselessly.

"You don't." He said getting up. His face had gone hard. Dark.

Sam got to her feet and grabbed his hand. "I didn't say that." She said.

"You didn't say you did either."

"Jason . . . please." She begged, her blonde hair slightly bedraggled.

"No. You don't love me. I get it."

"I never said I didn't love you." Sam's voice cracked.

"Then tell me you do. Right now." His eyes bore into hers.

Sam was silent. Jason's hand slid out of hers as he walked away. Sam ran after him. "Please don't go." She begged. Tears were collecting but she didn't let them spill.

"Can you tell me that you love me? And mean it." His voice had a hard edge to it that she'd never heard before.

"Jason, it's, it's not that I don't." She tried to explain it to him.

"Forget it." He said.

"Wait."

"I think..." He started, and then sighed. "Sam. I can't see you anymore. At least not for a while." His eyes lost the hard edge for a fraction of a second revealing unfathomable pain.

"Jason. Please, don't."

"Bye, Sam."

She watched him walk out of her door, letting it slam behind him. A lone tear escaped and then the flood followed.

The door slammed as John got home from work. He stubbed his toe on the coffee table again. "Damn it." He muttered. "Sam? Jason?" He called out. "Hey, lovebirds!"

"Sam?" He walked into the kitchen and not finding her there walked into the hallway. He knocked on Sam's door. "Hey. Anyone in there?" He knocked again. "Hello?" He heard a low noise. "Sam?" He called quietly, opening her door. "Hon? Are you in here?" The lights were out but he could hear something. It sounded like crying. Sam, crying? About what? John sat down on Sam's bed and pulled the covers down revealing Sam's head on a light blue pillow soaked with tears. The light blue had turned dark where Sam had stained it with her tears.

"Sam, what happened?" He asked.

"It's Jason." She sobbed.

"What? Did something happen to him?"

"No. He's fine. Kind of."

"You don't look fine." John said.

She cried harder into her pillow.

"Sam, come on, tell me what happened."

"Jason and I were talking, and he . . . and he . . . he told me loved me."

John, who knew his sister so well, finished the story. "And you didn't say it back."

"No. I didn't. He looked so hurt. It killed me. And then he said we shouldn't see each other for a while." She rubbed her eyes which were red from crying.

He rubbed her back softly through the covers. "Do you love him?"

She nodded. "Of course I do."

"Why couldn't you say it?"

"I don't know." Sam said, still sobbing hysterically, barely coherent. She took a few deep breaths and began again, easier to understand this time. "I do. I really do. So much. But, I don't know I'm just so . . . screwed up that I think if something ever happened to him, it'd hurt me more if I'd told him I loved him."

"Sam, you can't always think something terrible is going to happen to everyone." John told her gently.

"I know. It's just. I feel like that's how my brain is programmed. I can't help it."

John nodded. Sam had experienced a lot of loss; it wasn't difficult to understand why she felt that way.

"Well, look at another side of this. You're always afraid something will happen. God forbid something does, wouldn't it be better for the person to know you love them?" He reasoned with her.

Sam looked up at him. She knew he was right.

"He'll come back Sam. He's waited for you forever. And you already know he loves you."

Sam let out a short humorless laugh. John bent down and kissed the top of her head. "Try to relax and get some sleep, honey. I'll tell Craig you aren't gonna eat dinner."

Sam nodded. John knew her so well.

He kissed the top of her head one last time, pulled the covers up and walked out of her room.

Craig and Matt got home at the same time. Craig had picked him up from the movies. He went to see the new Hitchcock movie that was out starring Paul Newman; Torn Curtain. Matt loved the movies and went as often as he could manage.

"Hey." John said. "Sam's not gonna eat dinner tonight."

"Is she sick?" Matt asked.

"Uh, not physically, kid."

"What's wrong with her?" Craig asked.

"She and Jason, uh, had a fight." That was the best way that he could think to word it.

"What happened?" Craig asked him, raising his eyebrows so that they nearly disappeared into the bangs that had grown out.

"Jason told Sam he loved her. And Sam, well . . . she does love him, but she couldn't really bring herself to say it. 'Cuz, well our Sam does have some issues."

Craig nodded. Matt shifted in place, almost shuffling from one foot to another.

The next day was Saturday and Sam stayed in her room all day. Shawn and Chris asked what was going on and found out about the incident between Sam and Jason.

Jason did show up at their house. To many raised eyebrows and lingering glares. Sam wasn't coming out of her room. And John didn't want anything to do with Jason.

Finally, John couldn't take it anymore. He huffed and walked up to Jason out on the porch.

"Look, I know what happened between you and Sam. You told her you loved her and she didn't say it back. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you. 'Cuz she does. Everyone here knows she does. Except you. Sam just doesn't know how to say it. And okay, you're Jason, nobody ever yells at you. But you broke my sister's heart, so I don't care." He turned and stomped away.

Everyone just stared at the spot where John had been standing. Jason's hand shook as he lit his cigarette.

Sam was sitting in her room late Sunday night, or more like early Monday morning. She'd hardly come out of her room, either. She took out her journal and began writing, with tears sliding down her cheeks.

I miss Jason. I miss him like crazy. I love him so much. Why couldn't I just say that? What's wrong with me? Why is it so hard for me to say that? He needs to know. He looked so hurt. And seeing him hurt like that . . . it's like having my heart ripped out of my chest. And squeezed. And torn apart. Slowly. I can't stand this. I can't stand being without him. It hurts so much. I have to tell him how much I love him.

The week passed by slowly for both Sam and Jason. They were both hurting so much. Of course they ran into each other at Sam's house. They barely even glanced at each other.

The next Saturday Sam was thinking about going to talk to him. She walked out of her room and into the kitchen. She heard the screen door and saw Jason walking out. _I can't let him go_ , she thought. _I have to go after him. I have to tell him now._

With that thought she bolted through the screen door letting it slam behind her.

"Sam!?" John yelled.

Jason was already walking across the park. "Jason!" She yelled. A car skidded to a halt, the horn blaring loudly. She just kept running. Jason had turned around and was staring at her, stunned. She hurled herself into his arms so hard he nearly fell over. He instinctively wrapped his arms tightly around her.

She crushed her lips against his, and he kissed her back, urgently and passionately. Jason lifted her. When they were both out of breath, Sam pulled away. "I'm sorry." She said. "Jason I'm so sorry. I love you so much, please believe me, please. Please." Tears were pouring down her cheeks. Jason's too. Both of their lips were sore from their kiss. But Jason kissed her again and pulled her tighter against him. Sam pushed Jason away. "Jason, I love you. I love you so much it terrifies me. I couldn't say it because well, I was afraid. That . . . that if something happened to you it'd hurt more because I told you I love you. But I do, Jason. I love you. Please believe me. You do believe me don't you?" Sam said in one breath. "Sam. Sam!" Jason said. "I believe you." He smiled.

"You do?" She asked in a small voice.

"Yes. I love you too Sam. So much. I'm sorry too." He pushed her hair out of her face.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I should've given you time to say it back to me. I shouldn't have just walked out like that."

"It's okay. I don't care. My God, I just love you so much." Sam stared at him with green eyes.

Jason smiled wide. "Geez, Sam, I love you like crazy." He crushed his already sore lips against hers and they stood there kissing with more passion and love than they ever had before.

***

"Damn, that was like something out of a chick flick." Shawn said as Jason walked in with his arm slung around Sam.

"You didn't have to spy on us." Sam said.

"I wasn't spying. Y'all were right across the street. It's not like I could hear what y'all were saying."

"But I'm guessing you two are back together." Chris said. He shook his head. "Making out in the street."

Sam punched him in the arm. "We weren't making out." She muttered.

Chris laughed. "Okay, whatever you say."

Sam and Jason both blushed and went to sit down and cuddle up on the couch.

J _ason and I said that we loved each other. Both of us this time. To each other. I forgot to mention that, didn't I? It has been a while since I wrote anything. I was just so ecstatic that I forgot to even write anything. Does that make sense? Plus, I've been spending a lot of time with Jason, Derek and Juliana. But after that fight, we told each other 'I love you.' We did. We're in love._

Jason and Sam were inseparable. Not a minute went by they weren't together. Today, they were hanging around town with Juliana and Derek.

"Hey, are you two even paying attention to the movie?" Derek asked as Jason stole another kiss from Sam.

"Hmm?" Sam said, peeking around Jason's shoulder.

"I guess not." Juliana said laughing.

"Guess not what?" Jason said.

"Completely clueless." Juliana sighed and smirked.

Jason and Sam looked at each other and shrugged.

"You missed the ending of the movie." Derek said.

"Oh, did we?" Sam asked.

"Come on, let's go back to your place." Juliana said to Sam, linking her arm through hers.

Both Juliana and Derek had a car, but nothing was really that much of a walk and it was a nice day out. Craig would never let Sam walk around town alone, but when she was with other people he was okay with it.

The four of them were discussing what had happened in the movie. Since Sam and Jason hadn't really been paying attention.

Sam heard the car pull up next to them but paid it no attention. She assumed it was one of the guys stopping to say hello and maybe offer them a ride home. She turned her head towards the car in what she would later remember as being slow motion. The car wasn't stopped but it wasn't at full speed. At least, she was pretty sure it wasn't. Afterwards she was afraid that her eyes had betrayed her.

It wasn't one of the guys. It was two young men. Both with what looked like ski masks on their heads. That struck her as odd since it wasn't winter. Then the one in the passenger seat reached into the glove compartment and pulled something out. Something black and shiny. Her eyes finally focused on it and she noticed sunlight glint off of the gun. A loud, breathy gasp escaped Sam's lips before the first shot was fired.

She moved her mouth in a wordless babble of nothingness. One of the sleek bullets was speeding right towards her.

"Sam!" Jason screamed. He launched himself at her and pushed her to the ground before the bullet could get to her. But not before it got to him.

Sam fell with a thump to the hard concrete. The first thing she did was look to Jason. He was looking right back at her. _Good, he's alive_ , she thought. And then she saw the red gushing from his leg.

John burst through their front door clad only in a pair of jeans when he heard the bullets. Sam widened her eyes in what she thought was an effort to tell him to stay where he was. But to no avail. He was right at their side. He was lucky as hell that he got to the ground before that next bullet came flying right at him. The others were standing at the door but John shook his head at them. Sam spied him with squinted eyes. She knew that he was committing anything about that car to memory that he could. If anything, John had an excellent memory. The car skidded around the corner and out of sight.

With a pained grunt Jason rolled onto the concrete clutching his leg.

Sam sat up and noticed red coating her arm. She turned towards Juliana, who was clutching her shoulder. Derek was lying face down. Motionless. The rest of the guys ran toward them.

"Someone call for help!" John yelled. Matt ran back inside.

Chris ran to check on Juliana and Derek.

Sam put her hand on Jason's sweaty cheek. "Are you okay?" She asked. _Stupid question,_ she thought.

Jason nodded slowly. "Are you okay?" He asked her.

"Me? I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Jason was struggling to sit up. "Don't move." She said, gently putting his head on her lap.

John knelt down next to her. He had a bunch of gauze. She hadn't even noticed him run back to the house. Maybe somebody else had. "Ambulance is on its way." He said. "They said to try to stop the bleeding till they get here."

"Oh God." He said looking from Sam's arm to Jason's leg, both covered in blood. He reached over to Sam.

"No." She said. "Take care of Jason first."

"But Sam-" Jason started to say.

"Shhh. Don't argue with me. You know you won't win." She said smiling.

He smiled back at her. "Okay." He said softly.

Shawn ran out from the house with more gauze and towels for everyone else.

Sam pushed Jason's hair back. John wrapped gauze around his leg tightly.

"John." Sam said. "Did you get anything on the car?"

"Make. Model. License plate." He answered, his face unreadable as chiseled stone as he finished bandaging Jason's leg and moved on to Sam's arm.

Sirens came wailing down the street and stopped in front of their house. Jason and Sam went in one ambulance and Juliana and Derek in the other. John and Craig jumped in the ambulance with Sam. The paramedics slammed the door shut and sped off down the road, sirens blaring.

***

Sam was sitting in an exam room with John. She closed her eyes and squeezed John's hand tight as they stitched up her arm. When Sam looked down, she saw nail marks in his hand.

"Sorry, John." She said. He looked down at his hand and laughed shortly. "It's okay, hon."

"You're okay." The doctor said. "The bullet didn't do any real damage. You were lucky. You can go home soon."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Craig and Matt along with Juliana's mom, Karen, came in. Matt and the guys had followed them in Craig's car after they called Juliana and Derek's parents.

"Is she okay?" Sam asked.

"She'll be fine. They just want her to stay overnight to keep an eye on her." Karen said.

"Oh, good. Did we hear anything about Derek?" Sam said softly.

"Not yet, honey." Karen shook her head. "His parents haven't come out of the room yet."

Then Sam looked at Craig. "What about Jason?"

"They're not telling us anything." He said. "They said they can't because we're not family."

"But his family doesn't care!" She said.

The doctor walked in again. "How's Jason?" She asked him.

"I'm sorry miss, but we can't tell you that. You're not family."

"But she is." John said. They glanced at him. "She's his fiancée."

Sam hesitated for only a second before going along with it. "Yes. I'm his fiancée. Can't you tell me?"

The doctor thought for a moment. "Alright." He said finally. "We got the bullet out and stopped the bleeding. He'll have to use crutches and go to physical therapy, but don't worry he will walk. After some PT. He's stable, but because of the pain medication he's asleep right now. Powerful pain meds. But the pain should be less soon."

"Okay." Sam said quietly.

"I'm also prescribing you some pain medication to go home with. Make sure it's at least six hours between doses though."

She nodded staring at a spot on the wall just beyond the doctor. Thinking about Jason she didn't see the doctor trying to hand her the pills. John reached out and took them for her.

"Can we go home now?" He asked the doctor.

"Yes." He said. "But come back in a couple of weeks to get the stitches out."

"We will. Come on, Sam." John said and put an arm around her waist and gently pulled her down from the exam table. He held her arm gently and led her to the car.

"Hey Sam?" John said, walking over to where she was standing in the middle of the living room.

"Hmm?" She said absently.

"Are you okay?" He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Do you think Jason and Derek are going to be okay?" She asked as she turned toward him.

"Well, we didn't hear anything about Derek, but when his parents are ready they'll tell us. And Jason'll be fine. You heard the doctor, he'll probably just be out for a bit and he's even gonna walk again."

"Yeah, I know." She said and took a deep breath. "I'm really tired; I think I'm going to try to sleep."

"Hey, take one of these." John said, popping the cap off the pain pills.

"I'll get you a glass of water." Craig said.

"It's okay, I can do it."

"No, it's okay Sam, let me do it." Craig hurried to the kitchen.

"Okay." She played with a frayed string on her blue jeans.

Craig came out of the kitchen and handed Sam the glass of water. Each of her brothers gave her a hug before she walked away.

Safely in her room, she took out her journal to write about what happened, but she couldn't bring herself to. She curled up and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

John flopped down on the couch and popped open a beer. He handed the other one to Craig.

"At least they got 'em." Craig remarked before taking a sip. "They probably wouldn't have so soon if you didn't get all that information on the car."

"Yeah." John said flatly.

"Hey, they did get 'em." Craig nudged John in the shoulder half-heartedly.

John took a sip of his beer. "That doesn't make it any better." He said.

***

Sam woke up the next day with a terrible headache and a shooting pain through her arm. She glanced over to her nightstand and grabbed her pain pills, quickly downing them without any water. Then she sighed and reluctantly climbed out of bed.

_I look like crap,_ she thought as she stared into her dark grey eyes in the reflection in the mirror.

She had bags under her eyes as well as dark shadows. Her eyes were blood shot. The scar on her arm was bright red and she was so pale.

I look like I died and came back.

She was too tired to care. She shrugged it off and walked out into the kitchen. The first thing she saw made her stop in her tracks.

"Jason!" She ran over to where he was sitting, throwing herself at him and hugging him tightly.

"Ow." He said. She pulled away. "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" She gently touched his cheek.

He smiled at her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." She beamed. She took his face in her hands and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He put his hands on her waist. After a few minutes they pulled away. Jason was blushing.

"I love you." Sam said.

"I love you, too." He said, and pushed her hair back out of her face.

The phone rang and Craig walked from the living room to pick it up.

"Hello?" He said.

"Oh yeah, Sam and Jason are fine thanks. How's Derek?" He asked.

Then he was completely silent, listening intently to the people on the other end. Derek's parents probably.

Craig hung up the phone with a grim look on his face. He let out a long breath.

"Craig? What is it?" Sam asked, leaning forward from her spot on the couch.

"Derek." He said.

"What about him?" Sam asked slowly.

"That was his parents." Craig began.

"How is he?" She shot the question at him.

"Sam, Derek was shot in the chest . . ."

"I know . . ."

Craig sighed again. "The bullet went right through his heart, they did everything they could but he didn't make it."

_Didn't make it . . ._ the statement wasn't sinking in.

"Sam, he died. I'm sorry." Craig dealt the blow to his baby sister's heart.

"He's . . . he's dead?" She said to no one in particular. Then she shook her head trying to shake off the thought and walked toward her room because she felt tears beginning to form and she wasn't one to cry in front of people.

"Sam." Craig said. "Sam." She shook her head and walked past him.

They heard her bedroom door close and Craig sighed, pulled out a chair and sat next to Jason.

"You think she'll be okay?" Jason asked his brow furrowed, looking in the direction of Sam's bedroom.

"Yeah, she will. It'll take a while. But she'll be okay." Craig paused. "Before you go see how she is I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay." Jason said.

"You're gonna be in physical therapy for a while and you're gonna need at least some help. You know, you can always stay here when you need to. Sam really cares about you and she'd never forgive me if I didn't ask you to stay with us for a while."

"Oh." Jason raised his eyebrows involuntarily.

"Look, don't take it the wrong way. I just know that your dad's not gonna be willing to help you. And Sam is gonna really need you around here now too." Craig said.

"Okay." Jason said. "I'll stay. Thanks Craig."

"You're welcome." Craig replied crisply.

"I'm gonna go check on Sam." He grabbed up his crutches and limped to Sam's room.

As soon as Sam closed her door she slid to the floor and started crying. She held her head in her hands and the sobs came roughly from inside of her.

Someone else she cared about died. Again. Something devastating happened. Again. Someone abandoned her. Again. Why did this keep happening?

Someone knocked on her door. She didn't get up.

"Sam?" She heard Jason's soft voice. She pulled herself together, stood up shakily and opened the door.

As soon as she saw Jason standing there she began sobbing again. He walked in and closed the door. She wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his chest. His white t-shirt was soaked in a matter of seconds.

He walked over to the bed with her and sat down so he could drop his crutches and wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry, Sam." He whispered. Then he just held her.

Sam continued sobbing with the only person she was completely comfortable crying in front of. He just held her and that was all she needed right now. For Jason to hold her. To try to comfort her because she lost someone again. Just having his arms around her made her a feel a little bit better. She hoped that she never lost Jason. She didn't know what she would do without him.

***

A couple of days later, Sam was getting ready for Derek's funeral. _His funeral_ , she thought. _He shouldn't be dead._ She pulled her black knee length scoop neck dress over her head; followed by the sheer black shall. The same outfit she had worn to her parent's funeral.

She thought back to Derek's wakes. She'd went to both of them. He was one of her best friends. She couldn't not go. As much as she didn't want to see his body lying lifelessly in a coffin, she had to go. Just like she had to go to his funeral. The last time she would see him. Or his body, at least.

He'd probably be added to the nightmares she was currently having. She wondered how Derek would fit into her dreams.

As she was pondering this, there was a knock on her door.

"Yeah?" She called.

"Sam? It's John." He said as he opened the door.

"Hi." She said.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I'll be fine." She answered. She started to clip her hair half up, then changed her mind and let it fall around her shoulders in a blonde cascade.

John gave her a look; wordlessly asking why she changed her mind.

"If my hair's down and I start to cry, I could always hide it this way." She said with a matter-of-fact tone.

John didn't say anything, just smiled sadly and shook his head slightly. He gently grabbed her elbow walking her out into the living room where Jason was waiting for them.

"Thanks for coming with me." Sam said to Jason. She was sitting with him in the backseat of Craig's car. John was driving.

"You're welcome." He said as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Wish we didn't have to go at all."

"Me too."

Jason put his arm around her and she cuddled up to him. Her blonde hair fell around her face but this time Jason left it where it was.

After a ride that was too long yet too short they pulled up to the funeral home. Sam got out first and turned to help Jason wobble out of the car. John came with them. They helped Jason as he hobbled up the steps no one ever wanted to go up.

"Sam!" a familiar voice called. She spun ever so slightly so she didn't drop Jason. Standing on the steps were Shawn, Craig, Matt and Chris. Sam felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes at the sight of them standing there. Ready and willing to be there for her just like they always had been.

The place was full, but not the way it was at the wakes. At the wakes everybody that had ever met Derek showed up to pay their respects. Then the place had a line to get in—now it was just family and friends.

Sam felt Jason squeeze her hand beside her. She smiled slightly; glad to have Jason beside her through all of this. Just like he'd been beside her her whole life. She was lucky that he was there next to her now; that she didn't lose him too.

They found chairs towards the back with Juliana and her parents. Juliana had healed well after the shooting. That was the other thing in all of this. Derek was only nineteen. He was too young to be dead. He was shot. Shot. He was murdered. In cold blood. No reason whatsoever. The police caught the bastards that did this to him. To all of them. John gave them the make, model and license plate. The reason that they found the scum that did this. And of course it was all over the papers. Everybody either stared at Sam, Juliana, and Jason or asked if they were okay. Some bold—and rude—people came right up to them and asked what it was like to be a victim of a shooting. Sam could just barely deal with people asking if they were okay, but those who asked about the shooting she just had to walk away from.

It was a drive-by shooting. The police said the men who did this were drunk. They either did it for pure thrill or perhaps a hate crime, the police had said. When Sam had asked "A hate crime against what?" they had told her "The working class. It happens ma'am." The working class. What did the working class ever do to them? And Derek and Juliana weren't even working class. They had just been with her. And now Derek was dead. Because of her. And pure thrill. Of what? Pure thrill of wounding three and killing one? There was thrill in that? That was sickening.

All the mental babble in her head was cut off by people suddenly getting up from their seats. She numbly followed the friends to say a final goodbye. Derek almost looked like he was sleeping. He was dressed in his best suit, hiding the place where the bullet went through his heart taking his young life. Staring at his face, it seemed like he would open his eyes at any moment, saying he got everyone good, laughing at his own sick joke. But no matter how badly Sam wanted it, she knew it wouldn't happen. She took one last look, whispered "See you later, Derek." and took a seat between Jason and Juliana, waiting for the service to begin.

They drove to the cemetery in silence. Almost time to see Derek's body lowered into the ground for the rest of forever.

Jason had a little trouble walking around on the grassy, bumpy hills so Sam helped him out. They came to the spot where Derek would rest for eternity. His new home. He should've been there. With them.

The coffin was closed but Sam could still picture Derek beneath the solid lid.

The priest spoke and Sam spent the entire time concentrating on not sobbing. She let a few tears escape but she refused to sob. She thought back to when they all had met. In Mrs. Schaffer's sixth grade class. Her and Juliana had already known each other. They had been partnered up with Derek for a lab. Derek wasn't happy about working with two girls at first but they convinced him. They laughed the entire way through the lab. Derek couldn't believe that Sam's parents weren't rich. She supposed it was because he hadn't widened his horizons. From then on they had been friends. Stuck together through middle school and awkward moments. Then high school and advanced classes and more awkward moments. That's when Sam found out that Derek had a bit of a crush on her but she never felt the same. They were there for her when her parents were killed in a car wreck. They had stuck together after high school into the 'real world'. And now she and Juliana would stick together in Derek's death. When she looked up it was time to put the flowers on his coffin. His parents went first. They seemed to be holding up alright, but that could change after the funeral. When they were alone and didn't have to hold it together for anybody anymore.

The rest of his family went next. Juliana and Sam were given a rose as well because they were his best friends. They clutched each other's hands as they placed the roses on his coffin. The green grass seemed to be mocking his youth. They stood back and watched as Derek was lowered six feet into the ground. Never to be seen in the flesh again.

Late that night, someone knocked on Sam's door.

"Come in." She said. She was too distracted to hear them fumbling with the door knob. The door opened and one of Jason's crutches fell onto the off-white and stain ridden carpet.

"Jason." Sam said. "Why didn't you ask me to help you?" She handed the crutch he had dropped to him.

"I was fine." He said as Sam closed the door behind him. "What are you doing?" He sat down next to her on the bed.

"I was trying to write about what happened, but I just can't bring myself to. Not yet anyway." She stared at her journal like it was a grenade.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Jason asked.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." She said as she closed her journal.

Jason kissed her forehead and Sam sighed in contentment and rested her head on his shoulder. He stroked her soft hair.

"So," Sam started. "How much physical therapy do you have left?"

"Three times a week for another five weeks."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Jason tilted her chin up towards him.

"Because you pushed me out of the way. I was only shot in the arm. I was barely even hurt. I should have gotten hurt worse." She said quickly.

"Well, I would never let that happen Sam." Jason said so matter-of-factly that it scared Sam.

"I know that." She said finally. "Thank you, Jason." She peered up at him through her long blonde lashes and snuggled closer to him.

"I'll always protect you." He tangled his hand in her hair and softly brushed his lips against hers.

"I know that too." She smiled for a fraction of a second. "I love you, Jason." She kissed his tan cheek gently.

"I love you too, Sam." He pressed his lips to her forehead and let them linger there. Sam breathed in the scent of him and they just sat there holding each other.

***

For four weeks now, Jason had been going to physical therapy three times a week. Sam was with him at every appointment. Jason was used to taking care of Sam so having her take care of him took some getting used to.

Sam was doing better as well. Derek's death still affected her, there was no way it wouldn't, but she felt better. Especially when she was with Jason; which lately was all the time.

Jason had more or less moved in by now. It was supposed to be temporary, but Sam was hoping they would just make it permanent; she didn't want Jason going back to his dad's.

"Hey." Sam said as she plopped down on the couch next to Jason. She hugged him tight and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm so happy you're walking again!" She planted a kiss on his cheek again and fixed the collar of his jean jacket. He flushed a light shade of red.

"I think I may be happier than you are Jason." She grinned. Jason could swear that there were diamonds in her eyes.

He laughed. "I'm happy, too." Then he gently placed a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her right on the lips. She kissed him back passionately. He put his arms around her waist and she ran her fingers through his hair.

John came around the corner. "Hey, older brother walking in!" he called out as he turned his head. The plate of chocolate cake he was holding almost tumbled onto the already stained carpet.

Sam and Jason pulled away from each other, both of their faces a bright shade of cherry red. John sat down in their big old brown recliner chair and started flipping through the channels.

"Thanks." John said. His hair was a shade lighter than usual; dyed from the summer sun.

"You're welcome." Jason and Sam said in unison. They laughed. Despite everything they'd been through, they were happy together.

After spending time with Jason at physical therapy and seeing how the physical therapists helped people get back to health, Sam decided she wanted to be a physical therapist. Of course there was a problem with that, they didn't have money to send her to school. So Sam got a job at their local library, planning to save up money to start classes.

Juliana was back from Princeton for the summer. Princeton. One of the best schools in the country. Where Juliana could go and not worry one bit about money. Why was life so damned unfair?

"So you go back in a month?" Sam asked as she handed Juliana a bottle of Coca Cola.

"Yup. Second year. I can't believe it." Juliana flipped the cap off of the bottle with a popping sound.

Sam bit the inside of her mouth. _Juliana in her second year and I haven't even started yet. Who knows when I will?_

"Yeah, neither can I." Sam said. "So, how is all that pre-med stuff going?" She took a seat in the chair across from Juliana.

"It's good. Haven't really started the medical stuff yet, but I'm liking it."

"Good." Sam smiled.

"So how are things going with you and Jason?" Juliana asked. Sam instantly smiled.

"It's going really well. I love him so much." Sam said and then blushed a light peach.

"Yeah, I know. I think I knew before you did." Juliana tilted her head to the left. Her dark red hair fell onto the chilly bottle of Coke.

"I wouldn't say that." Sam started as she popped open her own bottle of her Coke.

Juliana raised her eyebrows as she took a sip of soda.

"Well, you just said it out loud before I did. I knew I loved him I just didn't say it." Sam reasoned.

"'Cuz you're stubborn." Juliana pointed a finger at her.

"No." Sam bristled.

Juliana raised her eyebrows again.

"Okay, partly because I'm stubborn." Sam admitted as her shoulders slumped. They both laughed. A sound akin to the tinkling of bells.

"Okay, so you two have been dating for over a year now." Juliana said.

"I know. Hard to believe." Sam's eyes looked off somewhere far.

"Have you two . . ." She trailed off.

"Have we what?" Sam asked.

"You know . . ." Juliana wiggled her eyebrows.

"What?" Sam asked, her face scrunched.

"Have you slept together yet?" Juliana let tumble out of her mouth.

"Oh!" Sam said. "No. We haven't actually." She sipped her glass of ice water peering down into the glass. Sam liked to have a glass of water with whatever it was she was drinking most of the time.

"Really?"

"Yes. Really." Sam swished the ice in her glass around and listened to it clink.

"Sorry. I just mean that you've been going out a while, it's a little surprising." Juliana shrugged.

"Oh, yeah, I know. I guess it is a long time to date someone without sleeping together." Sam said; really, she had no clue whether it was or not.

"Why haven't you?" Juliana asked.

"I don't know." She paused. "Come on Jules, you know how shy Jason is. It took us forever to start dating and then it was probably four months before we even made out."

"Have you thought about it?" Juliana traced the opening of her Coke bottle with her finger.

"Of course I've thought about it." Sam said slowly. "We just haven't discussed it."

"I'm sure he thinks about it a lot." Juliana smirked.

"Uh, yeah I guess." Sam's cheeks were on fire.

"Oh, I'm sure he does." Juliana wiggled her eyebrows again and winked.

"Yeah, maybe." Sam let out a small giggle.

"Well it's bound to come up eventually." Juliana took a sip of her soda and looked pointedly at Sam.

"I know." She said and took a sip of her own Coke to have something to do with herself besides talk.

"What are you gonna do when it does?" Juliana peered at Sam through her dark red lashes.

"I don't know..." Sam looked down into the ice in her water glass.

Sam thought about that for a moment. Of course she'd thought about it, but never discussed it with Jason. They were both really shy and that would make for quite an awkward conversation. She shook her head, shaking off the thought for now.

***

Juliana was back at Princeton for her second year. Sam was still working at the library, saving up for college. Jason had gotten a job. He couldn't afford to go to college either. He also didn't think he was good enough to go to college. They both worked five days a week. Sam worked from ten to four and Jason worked from nine to four. Three nights a week Sam took night classes at her local community college. All the free time they had was spent together.

It was Friday night; Jason and Sam were walking home from the movies. He had his arm slung around her shoulders. He pulled her to him and planted a quick kiss on top of her head.

"Have you talked to Juliana?" He asked.

"Yeah. She's doing well. Busy with classes." Sam said.

Jason looked over at Sam. Nobody else would be able to tell, but he knew how much it bothered Sam that Juliana was at Princeton and she wasn't.

"You know, you'll get to go someday too, babe." He said.

"To Princeton?" She said sarcastically, turning toward him.

"Well, uh, I don't know about Princeton." He said, scratching the back of his head and grinning a little. "But you will get to go to college. I mean, you're way too smart not to Sam."

She laughed. "Why thank you, Jason." She kissed him on the cheek.

He slipped his arm around her waist. "You're welcome. And you will go to college someday. I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that." She cocked her head to the side.

He smiled, then leaned down and kissed her.

"Look, I told you to stop calling." Craig said as he slammed the phone down on the receiver.

"Who was that?" Sam asked as she walked into the kitchen to make dinner.

"Nobody. Don't worry about it Sam."

"Old girlfriend?" She smirked.

"Cute." He said, messing up her hair. "Really, Sam, don't worry about it."

"Okay." She shrugged.

"She's not here right now." Sam heard Craig say as she walked into the room. "By the way, how did you even know she lived here?" His free hand was flailing about like the person on the other end of the line could see him.

Sam turned to him with narrowed eyes. The only she living here was her, Sam.

He sighed. "Yeah, Samantha Marie Ramsden."

"Craig." She said. "Who is that?"

He waved her off. "Don't worry."

"Craig, come on, if that's for me, give me the phone." She reached out her hand.

"No." He swatted her hand away.

"Give me the damn phone Craig."

"Hold on." He said into the phone. "I don't like your tone of voice Samantha."

"Seriously Craig?" Sam cocked an eyebrow. "I'm not sixteen anymore. Let me have the phone."

"Fine. Just let me-"

"Give me the phone."

"Okay. Here. You're not gonna like it." He handed the phone over to her reluctantly.

"Hello?" She said and listened to the response on the other end of the line.

"Yes, this is Samantha Marie Ramsden." Sam said.

"Your last name before you were adopted was Williamson?" The female voice on the other end of the phone asked. She spoke in hushed tones.

Sam froze in the middle of tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She barely remembered her last name before she was adopted. What was this?

"Yes. Why?" She asked cooly.

"We're calling from the prison your father is in." The woman answered like this was the most normal occurrence in the world.

Her heart froze this time. "What?" It had been fifteen years.

"The prison your father is in. Kevin Williamson." Now the woman sounded unsure.

"Why?" Sam said slowly.

"Your father is very ill right now. We don't know if he's going to make it. He would like to speak with you." The woman answered in her hushed voice.

"He's not my father." Sam spat out.

"Excuse me?" The woman stuttered.

"I said, he's not my father." Sam repeated louder.

"Well." The person on the other end of the line hesitated. There was a crackling of static in the background. "He is your father and he'd like to speak with you." They said finally.

"Is this even legal?" Sam asked.

"Excuse me, miss?"

"Seeking me out after adoption."

"Well, because of your unique circumstances it wasn't really a closed adoption." Sam heard the static again.

Then it hit her. "You're not doing this through official channels are you?"

There was a small noise on the other line, like the person began to say something but decided against it.

"Like I said, no, I won't speak to him. He's not my father. And I don't want to speak with him. Ever."

Sam turned to slam the phone down on the receiver but before she could heard a soft voice say, "I only wanted to help a dying man speak to his daughter again."

"I'm not his daughter." Sam said just as quietly and hung up.

She turned to look at Craig sitting at the kitchen table. She pulled out a chair, sighed and sat down next to him.

"I told you you wouldn't like it." He said.

She finally tucked the piece of hair behind her ear; the one that she had stopped tucking when she froze. "How long have they been calling?"

"A few months." He looked at a scratch in the table.

"A few months? Why didn't you tell me? And did you ask her if it was legal?"

"Of course," Craig said. "She wouldn't stop until she talked to you, I guess. Same person every time. And I didn't tell you 'cuz I knew you wouldn't want to talk to him." His ice blue eyes met hers.

"I could've told them that myself," she said, but her eyes were gentle.

"I know. I just, I know how you feel about your parents." He shrugged.

"Like I said, those people were never my parents. Our parents were my real parents. Just like you, John, and Matt are my real—very overprotective—brothers." Sam grinned.

"Yeah. And I was your legal guardian for a couple of years." He reminded her.

"Yup. I remember. You had to take care of a teenage girl."

"Oh yeah, that was fun." Craig nudged her shoulder.

"Oh come on, like I was really that much trouble?" She pushed him back.

"All teenage girls are trouble," he said sternly.

"I was not trouble. I was on the honor roll, I never got arrested, or drunk." She smiled smugly.

Craig blinked. "Yeah, that's true."

"See, I wasn't that much trouble."

Craig laughed. "No. I guess not. Try to keep it that way."

Sam stuck out her tongue at him.

"Hey, babe," Jason said as he opened the door to Sam's bedroom.

"Hey." She said smiling, jumping up from her bed to kiss him. He put his arm around her waist lifting her feet off the floor.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, Sam." He gave her a quick kiss. "So, how was your day?"

"Well, besides work, pretty interesting."

"Yeah, why's that?" He sat down on her bed and patted the spot next to him. Sam went to sit down.

"The jail my biological father is in called," she said as if they were discussing the weather.

"What?" he asked. "Why?"

"Apparently they've been calling for a few months. Craig was trying to hide it from me. But I walked in on a phone call a couple weeks ago and then again today."

"Were you mad at Craig? For hiding it from you?" Jason asked.

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, a little at first. But he was just being an over protective big brother, so . . . whatever. It's okay."

Sam paused, some seething anger beginning to take hold of her. She took a steadying breath. "My biological father . . . he wanted to talk to me."

"He wanted to talk to you?" Jason asked. "After fifteen years?"

"Yeah." She felt that seething anger creep around her again, until Jason's hand brushed against hers, and then she relaxed.

"Why now?" Jason asked as he intertwined his fingers with Sam's.

"Apparently my 'father' is very sick and they don't think he'll make it and he wanted to talk to me. This woman who called broke a bunch of rules trying to contact me. She could lose her job." Sam said with a sense of awe.

"Did you talk to him?" he asked, thinking he already knew the answer.

"No. I haven't spoken to him or seen him since I was five, why would I want to now? And why would he want to talk to me?"

"I don't know. Maybe because he may not make it and wanted to talk to his daughter one last time." Jason said, even though he really didn't want Sam to talk to her father. He didn't deserve to talk to her.

"I'm not his daughter. Except for that unfortunate blood relation. He was never a father to me. And if he wants to make up for his 'mistake', too bad. Some mistakes are too big to fix."

Jason kissed her forehead, then pressed his forehead to hers, giving her a small smile. She smiled back and cuddled up to him. He wrapped his arms around her. She sighed happily. Her father didn't matter. She had everything she needed right here.

***

"I can't believe we've been together for over two years." Sam said as she stroked Jason's cheek. They were home alone. Her brothers and the guys were out playing football in the park.

"Me either. I'm so glad Sam. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Jason. So much." She tried to keep happy tears from spilling over. She kissed him on the lips then hugged him close. He held her tight against him and kissed her on the cheek. He kissed down the line of her jaw and began kissing her neck.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her up a bit. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and then slowly closed her bedroom door.

_What the hell am I doing?_ She thought. _Oh, I know what I'm doing. But should I be doing it? Why shouldn't I? We've been together over two years, it's not like we're rushing into this. He loves me. And I love him so much . . ._

Her thoughts blurred.

"I'll go check on Sam." John said as he, Craig and Matt walked through the front door shaking dirt off of themselves.

"Hey, kiddo!" He yelled. "Sam? Jason? What are you two lovebirds up to?"

He knocked on her bedroom door. "Hey, you awake?" He kept knocking but there was no answer so he opened the door just a crack.

He saw Sam and Jason in Sam's bed. Sam was lying on Jason's chest and the covers were pulled up to her bare shoulders.

"Oh, holy shit." He muttered closing the bedroom door quickly.

"Are they home?" Craig asked.

"Huh? Yeah, they're home." John said as he walked into the kitchen. He knocked over a coffee mug onto the white tiled counter.

"What's wrong with you?" Matt asked.

"Nothing." John snapped as he righted the coffee mug.

"Where are you going?" John turned towards Craig as he headed toward Sam's room.

"Sam left some of her books out here, I'm just gonna put them in her room." Craig shrugged.

"No. Just wait till morning."

"What's the big deal?" Craig looked over his shoulder.

"She's asleep." John called to Craig as he craned his neck to see him.

"So I'll just leave them on her desk." He called back.

Before John could stop him Craig had already reached Sam's room and yelled, "What the hell?" at the same time as Sam's screech, "Craig!"

Craig's voice switched tones in an instant. "Get dressed! And then come out to the living room!"

"He's gonna kill us." Jason said as he and Sam got into their clothes.

"I don't know what he's going to do." Sam said.

"How mad could he be though?" Jason asked.

"I don't know." Sam mumbled, glancing toward her door.

Sam and Jason walked out to the living room hand in hand. John was sitting on their armchair, worry etching his handsome face. Craig didn't sit. He was standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

Sam and Jason sat down on the couch. Craig just stared at them for a few minutes.

"This is ridiculous." Sam muttered behind the veil of hair partially hiding her face.

"Excuse me?" Craig said.

She looked him square on. "I said this is ridiculous. I feel like a four year old who's drawn on the walls with her crayons. Not a twenty year old woman who's just slept with her boyfriend of over two years for the first time."

"Being twenty years old doesn't mean you're fully grown." He tried to imitate the tone of voice that their father would use when he was angry with them.

"Fine. Young woman. Whatever." Sam rolled her eyes.

"Don't talk to me like that." Craig waved a finger at her.

"My God Craig, I am not sixteen years old anymore. And you're also not my legal guardian anymore." She pointed out.

"Maybe not." He said in a slowly, almost deadly voice. "But you live under my roof, so you'll follow my rules."

"Sleeping with Jason is against your rules?" Sam crossed her arms over her chest. "Or is it sleeping with him under your roof? Because in that case we could just get a motel room."

"Sam." Jason started, but he was interrupted by Craig.

"I never wanted you with Jason in the first place! I always knew you two would get serious and he would hold you back! I was right, all you're doing is taking a few classes at night while you work a dead end job!"

Sam rose from her seat. "That had nothing to do with Jason! We didn't have the money to send me anywhere else! Don't talk about him like that!"

"I don't want you seeing each other anymore!" Craig yelled so loudly that Sam was sure the people across the block had heard.

"What?" She yelled back just as loudly.

He pointed one large arm in Jason's direction. "Jason, get out! I don't want you in this house again!"

"What? You can't do that, he has nowhere to go! You can't just kick him out!" Sam said.

"Yes I can! I forbid you two to see each other again! Get out!" He turned to Jason and yelled straight in his face.

"Craig, don't you think you're overreacting?" John said as he rose from his chair.

"No! I won't let her throw her life away to be with him! Get out!" He yelled, opening the door and pushing Jason toward it. Jason stared helplessly at Sam. She shot up and tried to run out of the door with him but Craig grabbed her around her waist and held her back. He slammed the door in Jason's face.

"Why did you do that?" She yelled, tears welling up in her eyes spilling down her tanned cheeks. "How could you do that to me? To him? I love him!"

"He's gonna ruin your life! He's just gonna hold you back! I'm doing you a favor!" Craig waved it off like he was getting rid of her old childhood blankie instead of the love of her life.

"No you're not! Mom and Dad would've never done this!" Sam shook her head so vigorously that her hair flew about around her. She got right in Craig's face . "I hate you!" She yelled and ran past them into her room. She slammed the door so hard the walls shook.

For the briefest second Craig's eyes showed a flash of pain.

"Craig." John said. "Come on, she is twenty years old and they're completely in love. You're overreacting."

"It's my house, I'll make the rules." Craig replied.

"I help pay the bills around here too, Craig." John challenged.

Craig hesitated. "I overrule you. They can't see each other anymore."

***

Tap, tap. Tap, tap.

Sam turned over in her bed and groaned. Tap, tap. "What is that?" She mumbled, pushing the sheets off of her. It was the night after Craig had kicked Jason out. She hadn't said one word to Craig and wasn't planning to any time soon. Tap.

Sam groggily got up from her bed and walked over to her window. "Hey!" A loud whisper came through making her jump. "Shawn?" She whispered opening the window. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Helping you sneak out." His hair blew in the wind.

"What?"

"Come on. Climb through the window. Jason's waiting." He winked.

"I'm going to get caught. And then Jason's going to get in trouble." Sam's hair blew in the wind as well. The moonlight shining down it made her look like a windswept angel.

"You ain't gonna get caught. John and Matt are in on it too. Come on, Rapunzel, let down your hair." Shawn held out his arms to her. Sam smirked and rolled her eyes.

"Hold on." She whispered.

"What are you doing?" He watched her take extra pillows out from the closet and stuff them beneath her sheets. "Oh, the old pillows under the sheet trick." He nodded approvingly.

"Yup." Sam said with a less than modest grin.

"Let's go." He said, grabbing her hand and helping her climb through the open window.

Jason was waiting in the vacant lot smoking a cigarette. As soon as he saw Sam's bleach blonde hair he dropped it, stomping it into the ground. Shawn was next to her but when Sam saw Jason she ran toward him, leaving Shawn's side. She ran into Jason so hard that he stumbled backward falling to the ground, Sam's lips covering his eagerly. When they pulled away for air Shawn was walking away.

"I missed you." Sam said.

Jason smiled and turned them onto their sides facing each other. "I missed you, too."

"I'm sorry about Craig. I had no idea he'd react like that." Sam's eyes were filled with sadness.

"It's not your fault, Sam." Jason's voice was gentle as a puff of cotton.

"I know, but still." She cuddled up to him. She wanted to be as close as she could to him for as long as she could.

They were silent for a while; reveling in each other's touch.

"Do you regret it?" Jason asked suddenly.

"That Craig kicked you out and forbid us to see each other? Yes." Sam tried to grin but faltered.

"No. Not that. I mean . . . do you regret that we slept together?"

She looked up at him, into his dark eyes. "No. I love you Jason. I'll never regret it." She laid her head on his shoulder. "Do you?" She added.

"Of course not." He looked down at her. "I love you, too."

She smiled and they kissed again, soft and sweet.

"Craig and I got into a huge fight. I told him Mom and Dad would've never done what he did. And I told him I hated him."

"Aw, Sam, you don't really hate him."

"Yes I do. I haven't spoken to him and I don't plan on it. He's trying to keep me away from you; I do hate him."

"No you don't. He's your brother. He's just mad. He'll get over it. You will too. Everything's gonna work out, baby."

She sighed and shook her head, her hair swinging back and forth slowly. "I don't know Jason."

He pulled her to him gently and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger there.

For the past two months Jason and Sam had been sneaking around. Craig still hadn't let up, so Sam and Jason would see each other every night. With the help of John, Shawn and Matt, Sam would sneak out of her room to meet Jason in the vacant lot. Jason was staying at Shawn's house, so at least Sam knew he was safe. She had to speak to Craig, of course, but she kept it to a bare minimum.

Sam was lying on Jason's chest on a grey worn out blanket in the vacant lot that had become their meeting place. Most would say that it wasn't the most picturesque of places to meet but they were the ones who didn't really see. See the beauty of the chipped fountain with the moonlight glinting off of the water. Or the beauty of the sound of swishing leaves in the trees. They were the ones who threw their garbage on the ground and muddled that beauty.

"I wish we didn't have to sneak around like this." Sam said.

"I know. I'm tired of it, too. I just want to be able to be with you whenever I want." Jason ran his fingers through her hair.

Sam sighed. "Me too."

"We should just run away together." Jason said with a smirk, though he was more serious than he sounded.

"What?" Sam asked, giggling.

"Run away with me. So we can be together Sam." His voice had become more serious now.

"Jason, come on, you know I can't do that." Sam shook her head.

"Why not? Don't you love me?" He asked with a lopsided smile.

"You know I love you. More than anything." She said, running her fingers through Jason's black hair. "But I can't just leave. At the very least I have to finish the few classes I'm taking this semester. And John and Matt are here. And the other guys. They're my family. I can't just leave them." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Alright. Then marry me."

"What?"

***

***

"I said . . . marry me."

"Are you serious?" Sam asked.

"Of course I am." Jason stared steadily into her eyes.

"Jason. What?" Sam shook her head like a dog shedding off water.

He laughed at her shock and kissed the tip of her nose. She took a quivering breath. "We can't just get married."

"Why not?"

"Because. Well, well because . . ." Her hands flailed about uselessly.

He raised his eyebrows. Sighing, Sam finally said, "We probably can't afford a wedding Jason."

"It doesn't have to be a big wedding. Just your brothers, Shawn, Chris, Juliana. Maybe some of your teachers, since they adore you."

Sam blushed a light shade of peach and rolled her eyes. The moonlight caught a glint on her hair that bounced off of it radiantly.

"I'd say my family too but all I have is my dad and he doesn't care if I'm dead in a ditch, so I know he won't care if I'm getting married. He'd probably show up drunk and beat me right at the altar. I have no family." Jason said.

Sam caressed Jason's cheek and leaned her forehead against his. Light as a feather she pressed her lips to his.

"That's not true." She whispered. "The guys are your family. My brothers are your family. My family is your family."

Jason smiled weakly as a tear escaped from his eyes. Then his smile became genuine and mischievous. He said, "You'd be family too if you were my wife."

"Jason."

"Sam, I'm not joking." He took her face in his hands. "I am completely serious."

"How would we afford a house? We can't live with my brothers. Well I mean we could, but would we really want to?"

Suddenly Jason looked sheepish. He started to say something but hesitated.

"Jason." Sam said firmly. "What is it?"

"I've been putting away money for months now Sam."

"Months?" She almost squeaked out the word.

"Actually, well I uh, I don't wanna lie to you, baby. It's been over a year since I started saving. I have enough money saved up for a small wedding and almost enough for a down payment on a house."

"You've been planning this for that long?" Sam asked quietly.

"Well I didn't have a date planned when I would ask or anything, but I knew I was gonna ask eventually and I wanted to be prepared when I did." He answered.

"Oh, Jason." Sam closed her eyes. She knew she would marry Jason at some point. But was now the right time? The responsible, career oriented, somewhat feminist Sam would say no. Finish school, move out of Craig's. But how long would that take? She didn't want to wait that long to marry Jason. Was she being too impulsive? What if something happened? Suddenly images of their wedding, honey moon, setting up their house, cuddling in bed, their first child, setting up the nursery, family dinners, Easters and Christmases, and her and Jason growing old together flooded her mind. And she knew. She knew she wasn't being impulsive at all.

"Sam?"

She opened her eyes to look at Jason's face. The face of the man she'd be waking up next to every day for the rest of her life. Once they were married.

"Sam?"

"Yes." She said.

"Yes what?"

"Yes. My answer's yes." She said.

"Yes? It's a yes?" Jason echoed.

"Yes! Yes, it's a yes! I will marry you!" Sam shouted.

"You will?" Jason had never smiled like this in his life.

"Yes!" Sam shouted again.

They beamed and laughed and tickled each other rolling around on the ground like two giddy children.

"Are you ready to do this?" Jason asked.

"No." Sam answered.

"Ready now?" He asked.

"No." She repeated.

Jason gave her hand a quick squeeze.

After a deep breath she said, "Okay." And they walked through the white front door to her house at 3:22 in the morning.

"Hopefully we live long enough to get married." Sam said, letting the door slam behind her. "Because Craig's going to kill us."

Someone started on the couch and another figure shot up in the arm chair. Shawn and Chris were staying over again. Chris was probably too drunk to walk home and Shawn's dad was probably home for once. Which meant it was better if Shawn wasn't.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Shawn whispered fiercely. "Are you out of your God damned minds?"

"We need to tell Craig something." Sam said.

"Better be something good." Chris muttered.

"It is." Jason said. "We're getting married."

The statement was met with two blank stares. Then Shawn said, "Craig's gonna kick your ass." Just then Craig came around the corner and flipped on the living room light. John and Matt followed behind him, rubbing their eyes.

"What the hell?" Craig said.

"Hi Craig." Sam said casually, as if she was simply coming home from her class at the community college.

"Samantha." Craig said slowly, as if he was mystified as to how she was standing here in front of him, instead of asleep in her bed.

"Jason." He said in a completely different tone. Not so much mystified as murderous. "I thought I told you to stay out of my house?"

Jason opened his mouth but nothing came out. He just opened and closed it a few times like a goldfish.

"Don't blame him." Sam interjected, glowing by the light of the moon. "I brought him here."

"You weren't even supposed to be seeing him. How'd you get out of the house without me knowing?"

"She had help." Shawn said.

"You helped her?" Craig's murderous tone was now turned on Shawn.

"Not just him. Me too." John said.

Craig looked all around him. "All of you? All of you were helping her sneak out?"

"Leave them alone Craig. I could've told them I wasn't going to sneak out but I didn't."

"How long have you been sneaking out to see him?" Craig's voice was flat as a sheet of ice.

"Since the day after you kicked him out."

"What? I told you you couldn't see him again!"

"You can't tell me not to see him, I'm twenty years old." Sam put a hand on her hip defiantly.

"I am telling you that and you're not gonna see him." Craig warned.

"Actually I am going to 'see him' again. Every day for the rest of our lives. Because we're getting married." Sam said. She gave Craig a moment to let it sink in.

"I. You. No." Craig took a breath, walked down the hallway and then back. "You're not getting married."

"Yes we are." Sam said.

"No, you're not." Craig waved a muscled finger at her.

"Yes. we are." Sam repeated through gritted teeth.

"No! Samantha! You're not!" Craig's relatively calm demeanor shattered and he bellowed at them.

At the same time Sam's shell of calm cracked. "Why not? I don't understand you! What do you have against Jason?"

"He's not good enough for you! He's gonna hold you back!"

"God Craig who is good enough for me? How is Jason going to hold me back?" Sam yelled as she took on the appearance of an infuriated angel by the glint of the moonlight.

"You're not gonna go to college! Get a job! You could do so much but if you marry him you'll just push out his kids and be a housewife! That's all you'll be! I want you to be more!"

"Oh! Shut up Craig! Just shut up! I'm sick of it! Jason and I are getting married! I'm twenty years old, you can't stop me! You know, when mom and dad died I always pictured you walking me down the aisle and giving me away! But obviously that isn't going to happen, because you're not even going to be at my wedding!"

She stormed out onto the porch and let the screen door slam shut behind her. A gust of icy wind blew through the house.

Sam was out on the porch in the cool breeze. Not cool like the relieving breezes that come in the summer, but a bitter cold. Browned leaves that had fallen from the trees swirled in the wind in the yard of yellowed grass. "Sam." Jason's hair fell into his eyes as he laid a hand on her shoulder. "You know you want Craig at our wedding."

She wiped away tears with the back of her hand. "Of course I want him at our wedding, Jason. I'm not even going to try to deny that. And I want him to be the one to give me away too. But I don't think that's going to happen." Her voice cracked. Jason pulled her into his arms and she sobbed into the shoulder of his jean jacket.

"She's acting like a child." Craig said to John in the hallway.

"You sure she's the one acting like a child?" John said raising a honey colored eyebrow.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Craig eyes flashed blue fire.

"You've been saying the same thing since they started dating. That Jason's gonna hold her back. And he hasn't." John pointed out.

"What are you talking about? She didn't go to college. She got a full time job right after high school." Craig tried to apply reason to his actions.

"She's taking night classes. And putting half of that money away in a college fund. The other half she uses to help out with bills. How dare she." John rolled his eyes. "And that had nothing to do with Jason. She couldn't go to college because we didn't have enough money even with a scholarship. How's that Jason's fault? What did he do? Hide all our money?"

"Stop being a smart ass." Craig growled.

"Stop being an ass." John said as smooth as the gel he sometimes put in his hair.

A stare down ensued. First to break was John; but not because he gave up, because he wasn't done with his speech.

"We know she loves him. And how can you say he doesn't love her? Have you seen the way he looks at her? He'd never do anything to hurt her or hold her back. You know they're getting married no matter what you say. We'll all be there. I hope you will too." John turned on his heel and walked back into the living room.

"Sam. Jason. Please get in here." Craig stood with his hands behind his back.

Sam walked in the door, Jason half pushing her. "What?" She said, crossing her arms and holding her chin high. Her voice cracked through her shell.

"Don't mess this up." Was all Craig said.

"What?" Jason asked.

"Your lives. Don't mess it up." He said again.

"Is that your way of saying we have your blessing?" Sam scoffed.

"Yes." Craig said in a softer voice. "I'm sorry, Sam. I would never miss my chance to walk you down the aisle." Even Craig had tears in his eyes at this point.

Sam smiled through her tears and hugged him. He kissed the top of her head.

"So you're getting married." Craig said as Sam pulled away, her smile lit up like a seventy watt light bulb.

"I'm getting married!" She announced as she wiped away her tears.

As Sam hugged all the other guys in a parade of laughter Craig turned to Jason and held out his hand. Jason glanced down. He hesitated only a moment before they shook. He stared at their hands as if they were about to explode at any time.

"Take care of her." Craig said.

Jason met his eyes. "I will." He said, and then, "And I won't hold her back."

The blue fire briefly returned to Craig's eyes. "I know you won't."

***

Sam sat at her kitchen table with a couple of bridal magazines in front of her. The smell of the coffee brewing was enticing her and she got up to make herself a cup.

"Sit down!" Juliana snapped, swatting her hand with a spoon. "You need to look at those magazines. I'll make your cup of coffee." Juliana had come home for the weekend when she heard Sam and Jason were engaged.

"Why did you bring me these magazines Jules?" Sam asked, flipping through the one in the middle of the white kitchen table. Juliana had bought a couple before she came to visit, saying that they needed them to get ideas for their own wedding.

"Because you're engaged. You're going to have to plan a wedding Samantha."

"I think I should just elope." She said as she looked at a picture of a wedding cake elaborately piped with white frosting.

"Don't you dare! We're having a real wedding!"

"Eloping isn't a real wedding? You're still husband and wife at the end of it." She raised her eyebrows.

"Stop. You know what I mean Sam."

A picture of a giant frilly dress was on the next page. Sam scrunched up her face and threw the magazine closed. They'd get a real wedding, but frills and ruffles were not happening. Ever.

"Hey!" John said, strutting into the kitchen and grabbing a coffee mug from the cabinet. He tossed it from his left hand to his right.

"Don't break that." Craig said.

"Calm down." John answered. He walked over to the kitchen table. "What the hell's all this?" He grabbed a bridal magazine off the table and flipped through it.

"Juliana brought them over." Sam answered.

"Yeah, for Sam. We're planning a wedding here people."

"What kind of wedding do you think we're planning?" John asked as he stared at the elaborate decorations and dresses in the magazines. He cocked an eyebrow.

"One where we go broke." Craig said as he joined John by the kitchen table.

"It's just to get ideas." Juliana said, handing Sam her cup of coffee.

John, Craig and Juliana watched as Sam drained half the cup in one sip. She wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. "I didn't get much sleep last night." She said.

"Nervous?" John asked.

"Nervous. Excited. Ecstatic." She grinned. A light peach flushed her whole face.

John smiled. "Where's Jason?"

"He should be over soon. He stayed at Shawn's last night." Sam said.

"Do you guys want some breakfast?" She asked as she opened the fridge. She pulled out the carton of eggs, already knowing their answer.

"Oh, yeah." John said. "Scrambled eggs and bacon?"

"Coming up." She said cracking the first of eight eggs into a white plastic bowl. She took out a carton of milk and let some flow into the bowl. She beat it all together with a fork and watched it turn a pale yellow color. It reminded her of the bursts of yellow on the quilt her mom had made for her. She poured the eggs into the pan and moved them around with a spatula absentmindedly. She was thinking about the look on her mom's face when she gave her the quilt. She had been so proud of herself for not messing up any of the stitches as she so often had a habit of doing. Sam giggled quietly.

"What are you laughing at?" She felt someone's warm breath whisper against her ear. She dropped the spatula in the pan sending egg flying onto the counter and stove.

"Jason." She said. "You scared me." She reached for the paper towels but his tan hand wrapped around hers and turned her around. He pressed his lips gently to hers.

"I missed you." He said.

She grinned against his lips. "You saw me last night."

"I know." He mumbled and kissed her again. He pulled her into his arms and she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. He kissed the top of her head and shut his eyes. They stayed like that, holding each other close.

"Hey! My eggs are gonna overcook!" John said.

Sam rolled her eyes and sighed. Jason gave her a quick peck on the lips and wrapped his arms around her waist while she finished scrambling the eggs.

"Could you two keep that crap to yourself?" Craig made a face.

"Aww, get over it. They're getting married. It's not like they're making out in front of you. You're going to have to get used to it." John said as he dipped a fork into the scrambled eggs and stole a bite. Sam whacked his hand with the clean edge of the spatula.

"Alright. Let's get back to planning." Juliana sat down.

***

They put the last of the money down on the kitchen table.

"That's what we have so far." Sam said. "Are we even close?"

"We need more. If we want a wedding and a house anyway." Jason said.

Sam put her chin on her hands and thought. All she wanted was to marry Jason and be together. That was all that mattered to her. How could they get both a wedding and a house with what they had? A vision popped into her mind. Yes. That was it. It was all they needed. Would Jason go for it?

"Sam? What are you grinning about?" Jason tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Listen. We want a church wedding, right?"

"Yes we do."

"Okay. We're doing that. But the reception doesn't have to be big. If we can find someone to do it in someone's backyard."

"No." Jason said. "No. You deserve more." He shook his head and his shaggy black hair fell into his eyes frantically.

"More than what? More than you? I just want to be married and have a nice little place to live. A big huge reception isn't what matters to me. I swear. I just want to be with you."

"Sam, babe." He sighed.

"Babe, nothing. Don't 'babe' me. This is how we get what we want."

"You can do it in my yard." Juliana stepped up behind Sam's shoulder. "We have plenty of room. It'll just be you guys, my family, and a few professors right? We can do this."

Sam turned to Jason, her eyes lit with sparks of hope and love. He saw those eyes; saw all she really wanted. And he knew it was right. "Alright." He said. She threw herself into his jean jacket clad arms. Juliana squealed in the background. Sam left her head on Jason's shoulder and inhaled. He still had the scent of cigarette on him. He wouldn't be him without it though. As much as she'd love him to quit, she didn't think he ever would. But she had what she wanted now. She didn't need or want a big reception. All that she wanted was him.

We finally have a location for the wedding. The wedding. I still have a hard time believing that. I'm getting married. I'm actually getting married. It's still unbelievable to me. Maybe I'll believe it when I'm actually married. I'm getting married to Jason. Jason; who I've known since I was six. I feel like I should be saying I never thought that I'd marry him, but I think that a part of me always thought that I would someday. Even with how shy we both were (still are) and people trying to keep us apart, part of me always knew that we'd end up together.

Sam shut her journal with a smile, placed it on her nightstand and laid down, pulling the covers up over her before falling asleep with a smile on her face.

"Ouch. Son of a..." Sam muttered as she stubbed her toe on the threshold to her bedroom door.

"Sorry, honey." Jason said. He led her over the shaggy off-white carpet. "Almost there."

"Almost where?"

They stopped right in front of Sam's twin sized bed. Gently Jason untied the blind fold and told her to turn around. She spun like a jewelry box ballerina to face her bed. A small gasp escaped her now parted lips.

Jason had strewn the bed with pink rose petals. The pale pink had a cosmic effect against this set of white sheets. The Greek goddess Aphrodite came to mind. She could picture her watching them up amongst the stars. On the bed were several small wrapped gifts as well. They were all wrapped in paper with a pale silver sheen keeping up with the cosmic effect the room was already having on Sam. There were four packages total. Each one also had a pale pink ribbon tied carefully into a bow around it. Everything was so beautiful that for a moment the fact that Sam hated pink completely fled her mind. She wondered who had done the bows.

"This is all for me?" Sam wondered aloud.

"Of course. Open one, baby." Jason grinned.

After a minute of hesitation Sam reached for the largest package. Carefully and slowly she began to unwrap it. She didn't want to rip the paper. It looked expensive and maybe they could use it again.

After a minute the package finally popped out. It was a perfect square. It was a perfect shade of heavenly white and all over it were embossed designs of flowers covering it. It was also made to look like a ribbon was wrapped around it tied into a bow. On the front on bold white embossed letters it said "Our Wedding". A photo album. It was a photo album for their wedding. Tear drops began to form at the corners of each of Sam's eyes. Jason lifted the package out of Sam's hands and placed a rectangular shape one in them.

The unwrapping process began again. "Oh my goodness." She managed to get out when she what it was. Held in her hands was the _Selected Poems of Emily Dickinson_. Her favorite poet ever since she read her poem "I'm nobody! Who are you?" in junior high school. Jason chuckled. "There's more."

A much heavier square package was placed carefully in both of her hands. She held it carefully for a moment, light eyebrows drawn together and then unwrapped the heavy package. The wood on the box was light cherry. There was a glass cut out in the top so you could see into the top scene. It was a simple one of a ballerina wearing a pink leotard and tutu practicing at the bar but it was exquisite. When the top was lifted the little scene with the ballerina began to spin and "Vivaldi's Four Seasons—The Spring Movement" began to play.

"To put this in. But I hope you don't take this off." Jason said simply as he plopped the last little square package into her hand. This she could hold in one hand. It was wrapped tightly in the same beautiful paper. It took a little longer to unwrap than the others, but she still managed to save the paper. The inside of the paper was white and shiny. Jason's dark eyes were glowing as he waited for her to lift the top on this last box. She couldn't do it fast enough for him. He had waited forever for this moment.

Before he got to do it though Sam froze. Staring at her in its gray square velvety box was a ring. The band was a simple single silver band. Coming out from the center stone on either side were two small round diamonds. Shining out from the center was a sapphire stone slightly larger than the four other stones. Speech and air vacated Sam's lungs.

Jason dropped to his knee. If it was possible, her breath left her even more. "Samantha Marie Ramsden, I love you. I love you so much. I'm not glad about what happened to you as a little girl, but I'm glad it brought us together. Let's not be apart. Will you marry me?"

The air came rushing back. "Yes!" she cried. "Yes, Jason Robert Channing, I will." She whispered.

He beamed even though he'd known the answer long ago. This was the moment he was hoping for. For a year he scrimped to put away $40 every month so that he'd have enough to get Sam this ring. Last month he finally had enough but he thought that he should wait until Christmas to give it to her. He slipped it on her finger. The dark sapphire stone stood out beautifully against her skin. She absolutely sparkled. The ring caught a glint in her matching dark blue eyes. His sapphire girl.

She slid slowly into his arms and simply lingered. "Thank you." She whispered. "Thank you so much." She knew not to tell him he'd done too much; this was not the time.

"Merry Christmas, baby." He whispered back.

***

Sam groaned as her hair flopped onto the kitchen table in front of her. "Can we take a break?" Her voice sounded flat. They had been at this for hours. Maybe not hours, but it felt like it. Those damn magazines out on their kitchen table, surrounded by pages upon pages of notes made by Juliana. There was not a square inch of wood in sight.

"No." Juliana shot back. "Stop pouting. This stuff won't magically do itself."

Sam heaved an exaggerated sigh.

"Shut up." Juliana said, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

It wasn't that Sam didn't want to marry Jason. That would be the most ludicrous idea on the planet. But this was not her thing. She was raised a tomboy. She just wasn't into looking at masses of stuff that could only be described as "frilly" and "girly" for non-stop periods of time.

Jason grinned at his bride-to-be over his cup of coffee. He knew this wouldn't go over well with her. An entire day of only wedding planning? But he knew she'd get into it. She may doubt that, but he didn't.

"What are you grinning at?" Sam asked.

"You." He said softly.

She blushed. "Oh, that you can handle but not wedding planning?" Juliana said. Sam stuck her tongue out at her. "Very bride like." Juliana nodded. "Moving on. Who is going to be your maid of honor?"

Sam blinked. _Is she serious?_

"Really? What kind of question is that?" Sam asked.

"A necessary one."

"Jules, you know it's going to be you."

"I know." She smiled, checking something off of a list she held in her hand written on a white legal pad.

"What's next, Doc?" Sam asked.

"Jason's best man."

The kitchen light felt too hot on him now. Like a spotlight. How was he going to choose?

"We can give him more time on that." Sam jumped in.

Juliana met her eyes for a moment and nodded. She knew this wouldn't be easy for him. "No problem. Plenty more to talk about. Okay, let's go on to flowers. Your bouquet. What would you like?"

Sam's favorite flower was lilies, but she knew that they couldn't afford them so she didn't bring it up. She furrowed her brow. This would require some thinking. What were flowers she liked that they could afford?

"Well, the wedding is in January. So it's smack in the middle of winter. What are wintery flowers?" Juliana said.

Sam scrunched up her nose. "I don't really want wintery flowers." She said.

"Alright." Juliana said slowly. Sam thought a minute longer.

"Oh!" She blurted out. "What are those daisies that come in light pinks and oranges and yellows?"

"From the grocery store?" Juliana asked.

Sam ignored her statement. "Gerber daisies! Those! We could do those with regular white daisies scattered throughout it. It'll be summery and cheery in the middle of winter. It'll put a smile on my face anyway." _Also because we can afford them_ , she thought.

"Then it puts a smile on mine too." Jason said. He waved a hand at Juliana's note pad. "Go on, write it down." He told her.

Sam laughed at Juliana's raised eyebrows as she wrote down what they'd decided. Jason didn't usually talk to people like that. It was funny to see him letting go a little.

"Okay. Bouquet is done. Do you want Gerber Daisies on the tables at the reception as the center pieces?"

Sam and Jason's shoulders went slowly up and down. They hadn't thought about center pieces. Juliana rolled her eyes and began to move on.

"Wait." Sam said. "Why don't we just do pictures of the two of us together? With the table numbers on them? We could keep it simple." Sam said.

Jason would agree to anything that Sam thought was best. The center pieces were done. Except for making them.

"I need the guest list. A list of who you want as bridesmaids, Sam. Jason, who you want as your groomsmen. Who you want as your best man. We need to talk about the food." She paused. "And the wedding dress."

The wedding dress. Where would they get a wedding dress?

"How's the wedding planning going?" Craig walked into the kitchen. He was met with silence. "What's wrong?"

"We're just thinking about the wedding dress." Juliana said.

"Why don't you just wear mom's?" Craig said as he took a bite of an apple he'd grabbed from the green bowl on the kitchen counter.

'What? We have mom's?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. It's up in the attic. I'll bring it down and you try it on." He turned on his heel and left.

Sam spun around in front of the mirror in her room. The skirt flew out around her. It was a light tulle material. The dress was pure white. The flowing skirt went a few inches below her knees. The top part of the dress had a spaghetti strap of a satin material with a lace long-sleeved top over it. It truly was beautiful; pure timeless beauty. Sam felt it was missing something though. Something around her waist. She really wanted a pop of color to match her bouquet. Should she feel guilty for wanting to add that since the dress was once her mother's?

A bang resounded on the door. "Come in." She called as she stared at the dress in the mirror.

"You look beautiful." Craig said.

Sam shuffled her feet. "What's wrong?" Juliana asked. Jason wasn't with them; he couldn't see the bride in her wedding dress.

"The dress is amazing. I just would like to add a ribbon around my waist?" She worded it as a question.

The room burst into laughter. Laughter.

"Aw Sam, that's what you're worried about?" Craig said.

"Yes." She said. "This was mom's dress at one point. Do I have the right to change it?"

Craig's icy blue eyes softened. "Sammie." He said, using his childhood nickname for her. "You're hardly changing a thing. And I know mom wouldn't mind. She's so happy for you. Adding a ribbon won't change that." He threw an arm around her and pulled her to him, messing up her hair.

"The ribbon's fine?" Sam asked.

"The ribbon's fine." Juliana (the final voice on these matters) confirmed.

Sam smiled as Craig kissed the top of her head and then messed up her hair again. "Alright." Juliana said. "Let's let her take off that dress before something happens. We'll pick out the ribbon color later. To match your bouquet, yes?"

***

The girls were gathered in Juliana's gigantic house. It stood, almost loomed, over a wide green lawn. The house was white and there was a wraparound porch. It was a classic Southern plantation house. Juliana's father had the new on in the background. Sam wasn't there, but the girls still used hushed voices. Sam just walked into Juliana's house the same way Juliana walked into hers.

"Okay." Juliana whispered as if they were secret agents planning a mission.

The few girls who were gathered stared at her eagerly. The time had come. Her maid of honor duties.

"The bridal shower." She revealed their secret mission (though they all knew it). The girls beamed. Juliana began doling out tasks.

"I can't cook. Christina, you'll do food?"

Christina nodded quickly. She loved to cook.

"We'll have it here?" Juliana asked as she looked as she looked around at the girls. Everyone agreed easily.

"The guest list is done. It's just us. What other girls is Sam friends with?" They all laughed. It was true. Juliana, Christina, Trisha, and Linda were really Sam's only female friends. They had all met her through Juliana. The girls would bring their mothers, though.

"Alright. I think that's it." Juliana announced with an elaborate flourish.

"Why are we rushing? We're just going to your house." Sam said as Juliana dragged her down the sparkling sidewalk.

"My mom's waiting with dinner. It's getting cold. Come on."

They opened the light oak door with the golden rimmed window and old door knocker to darkness.

"Surprise!" The girls and their mothers jumped out from behind the pristine white sofa. They were all sporting solid colored dresses corresponding to the color theme of Sam's wedding. Pinks, oranges, reds, whites.

"What is this?" Sam exclaimed with a smile.

She was bombarded with hugs and kisses. Everyone was congratulating her and talking at once. "Your bridal shower!" Juliana said over the commotion.

Sam couldn't believe she forgot about a bridal shower. She didn't expect one at all. The chatter died down and everyone moved into the dining room to see what Christina had prepared. Sam was very open about food. The other girls weren't. So the menu was mostly "normal stuff", but there was a little something "different" there for Sam. The spread included deviled eggs, mini spinach and feta quiche, spinach and artichoke dip, mini cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches, and for Sam, Asian garlic and soy flavored chicken wings with scallion soy dipping sauce.

The girls chatted and devoured the menu. "The food was delicious. You're an amazing cook, Christina. You'll have to give me your recipes. Especially that Asian wing one." Sam said as she took another bite of chicken.

"You got it." She smiled.

Games such as "Purse Scavenger Hunt", "How Well Do You Know the Bride", and "How Well Do You Know the Couple" followed. "Gifts!" Trisha squealed. Everyone shuffled over to the couch. Sam sat in the arm chair in the living room to take center stage. Juliana pulled out a paper plate.

"What's that?" Sam asked.

"We staple all the ribbons to it and you use a ribbon to tie it on your head. It's a bridal shower tradition." Juliana said as she taped on the first bow. A sparkly white one. Sam obliged. It might be fun.

Sam only had a few girlfriends so the gift session would be brief, but that didn't matter to her.

"Here." Juliana said. "Open mine first." She pushed a large pink flowered bag with a hot pink bow in front of Sam. Sam knew that some of the gerber daisies in her bouquet would probably be pink but the amount of pink here seemed like overkill. She glanced up at Juliana with raised eyebrows.

"What?" Juliana shrugged. "Too much pink?"

"Smart ass." Sam muttered, but the grin was clear on her radiant face. Juliana grinned back and winked as she leaned forward, her red hair falling over her shoulders.

Sam took off the ribbon and handed it to Juliana. Rifling inside she found a card. The front was muted pink and there was a bride and groom staring into each other's eyes. Tearing the matching hot pink paper she gasped aloud. "It's the blender I wanted!"

"I know!" Juliana said. "There's one more thing."

Sam dug in the bag and pulled out the second part of her gift. Her eyebrows rose. It was a floor length sheer red nightgown with black lace trim and black satin spaghetti straps with a little black bow in the middle.

"More for Jason than for you." Juliana winked. Sam's face turned red.

Trisha pushed a small orange bag in front of her. Sam revealed another nightgown. This one was white lace. The gift from Christina was her favorite cookbook that Sam had also been eyeing, _The Joy of Cooking_. Linda gave her a black lace nightgown and a gift card to a kitchen store. The last one from Sarah was another cookbook, a gift card to a home store and a sheer blue, black lace trimmed floor length nightgown.

"Lots of nighties." Sarah said.

"And cooking stuff." Christina pointed out.

"Wonder what that says about us." Trisha said.

"We like food." Sam suggested.

"And somethin' else." Juliana muttered with a grin.

***

She stood in the wedding dress. The muted orange ribbon was tied into a bow that flowed down her waist. Only this time it wasn't to try on. This was for real. The day they had so long awaited had finally arrived. Friday, January 12, 1969. The ceremony was being held at their local church. Everyone in town knew of it. And everyone in town knew Pastor Daniel. He had known Sam and Jason most of their lives.

Sam stared at herself in the full length mirror she'd gotten one Christmas when she was fourteen. The reflection looked so much different standing there in a wedding dress. Who knew she'd be in her wedding dress six and a half years later? She spun and a mess of satin and tulle spun out around her. She wished her father were here to see her. He'd never believe she was so dressed up if he didn't see it for himself. She realized he'd be seeing her in the dress her mother was in when they got married. A tennis ball seemed to lodge itself in her throat. She wanted them to be here so badly it was making it hard to stand. Her make up almost began to run. She pulled herself together just as the knock on the door came.

Craig walked in clad in his rented tuxedo. His hair was slicked back a bit with gel. Those icy blue eyes stood out even more. They glowed with warmth. "Beautiful." He said. The corners of Sam's mouth turned quickly. "Are you ready?" She nodded. "Let's get going."

They made sure they were extra careful on their way to the car. This wasn't just Sam's wedding dress; it was her mother's as well. As she slid her white cowgirl boot clad foot into the car Craig leaned over and whispered "If I give you a kiss on the forehead will I mess up your makeup?" She smiled at this out of character question. "No, just be gentle. And don't ruffle my hair." She added. Her hair was half up and set in perfect curls. Craig leaned down and gentle as a dandelion brushed his lips against her forehead. Then he slid into the driver's seat and Sam, her brothers and Juliana headed to the church.

The petite stone building stood on a dead end street five minutes from their house. Their parents had taken them there and they continued to go after they passed away. The building was simple with one large stained glass window in the front. Inside awaiting their arrival were Sam's bridesmaids, the rest of the guys, a few of Sam's professors from her past classes, Juliana's family and Jason— her soon to be husband.

Juliana got out of the car first to go in and make sure the groom wasn't coming out. She rushed back outside in her sunset orange dress that matched Sam's ribbon around her waist. "Coast is clear." She said. They scurried into the back of the church to wait for the classic wedding march to begin. They lined up in order: the bridal party with Sam and Craig behind them. He hooked his arm around hers to walk her down that aisle.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Let's go." She said just as the wedding march began to drown out her words. The procession of bridesmaids seemed to slide like snails until it was time for the bride to walk. Sam stepped over the threshold to the church door into a new chapter of life. Her cowgirl boots had to be reminded a few times to slow down. Once she saw Jason, she only wanted to get to him. Her feet finally carried her to the church altar.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" Pastor Daniel asked.

"Her brothers and I do." Craig answered.

Sam stepped forward but she fell back where she was. Craig hadn't moved. "Craig." Sam whispered. "Let go."

"Oh. Sorry."

A hushed giggle filled the room. Jason came forward and they went to the altar. Pastor Daniel launched into his sermon about how he had known Jason and Sam most of their lives. How he had seen their love and affection for each other and he knew this was meant to be. He ended with a bible quote. Corinthians 13:4—8a.

As they slipped the rings onto each other's fingers their eyes stayed locked. Light blue into dark brown. Eyes holding dark pasts. No matter how dark their pasts were, they would build a brighter future together.

"You may kiss the bride."

Timid Jason surprised everyone by dipping Sam and planting a passionate kiss on her lips. Out of breath they broke apart from the kiss, beaming.

"I now present Mr. and Mrs. Jason Channing!" Pastor Dave announced.

Still beaming they nearly skipped down the aisle. The wedding march playing in the background as daisy petals flew down around them.

Juliana's lush backyard easily fit the entire guest list. Round tables with white table cloths and folding chairs had been set up. As discussed, pictures of Sam and Jason were the center pieces. From inside the kitchen, Juliana's mom Catherine called, "Okay. Everyone quiet please. It's time for Jason and Sam's first dance as husband and wife." She turned on the record player and the sounds of "Earth Angel" floated out into the yard.

Stepping into Jason's arms Sam felt an overwhelming sense of right come over her. She knew this man was meant to be her husband. They were meant to always be together. "You look beautiful." Jason whispered in her ear.

"I love you." She whispered back.

"I love you too, Mrs. Channing." He smiled and winked at her.

Her brothers stood by and smiled. Matt gave them a thumb's up. Jason had chosen him to be his best man. They were always the closest.

The crowd clapped as the song came to an end. Another slow song began to play.

"May I cut in?" John bowed, his shiny hair falling perfectly over his face.

Sam laughed and smoothly went into his arms.

"You know, I've wanted to have this dance with you for a long time." John said.

"You have?" Sam asked. She tilted her head and her pale blonde curls fell into her eyes.

"Hell, yeah. You and Jason are meant for each other. And I just have to dance with you at your wedding. Besides, if anyone will make it you and Jason will." John planted a gentle kiss on Sam's forehead just as the song ended. John bowed again and said, "She's all yours." Jason didn't waste a second. He pulled Sam into his arms and they danced the night away.

***

The house was a modest white one story about ten minutes from Sam's brothers. They had been there a month and it was beginning to look like their own. Pictures of Sam and Jason's wedding had been hung on the walls and the wedding album Jason gave her last Christmas sat on the coffee table that they had picked up from a yard sale. It had a few scratches in it but it was cherry wood, Sam's favorite. Photos of their makeshift family filled the walls as well. Sam took care of the kitchen. Like her friend Christina, she had an affinity for cooking. She loved to cook. It was one of the things that soothed her. They had gotten some basic pots and pans and kitchen supplies so her kitchen was stocked well enough for now. The color scheme was white and a green close to sea foam. Tonight for dinner she was making breaded and fried chicken breasts with homemade buttermilk mashed potatoes and roast broccoli. She set their plates down on the hand-me-down white kitchen table from Juliana's mom.

"Mmmm, this is really good, babe." Jason said through a mouthful of potatoes. Sam grinned.

"Thanks hon." Sam scooped some mashed potatoes onto her fork.

"You don't always have to cook." Jason reminded her for the tenth time.

"You know I like to cook. I don't mind. And it's not like you know how to cook." She teased.

"I could learn. You could teach me." Jason winked at her over his plate.

"Alrighty then, let's do that." Sam challenged.

Jason smiled. "I have to go by my dad's tomorrow." He said suddenly; like he was ripping off a band aid.

"What? Why?" Sam said as if Jason had just said he had to go swimming in a sea of sludge tomorrow.

"I have a lock box with some extra money hidden under my old bed. Everything happened so fast and I haven't been back since the wedding. We need that money." He said sternly. Sam frowned.

"I'm gonna go when I know he's out. I still have my key, which I'm leaving there tomorrow. My home is here with you." Jason's face betrayed no more pain like it had in the past at the mention of his father, there was only anger now.

The sun was high in the sky as they walked to Jason's old home. Sam had insisted on going with him. Jason unlocked the white door, more paint peeling off onto the ground. Inside was dark and clothes were scattered everywhere. The couch, the coffee table, the kitchen counter. They could smell old food in the fridge. Jason grabbed Sam's hand and they walked up the creaky stairs to Jason's old room. The walls were white and stained. All that stood in that room was a twin bed and an old wooden dresser. The contents of which was now at their house.

"Where is it again?" Sam asked as she glanced around. She'd probably only been in here six times since the Ramsdens adopted her.

Jason pulled a steel colored lock box out from under the bed. "Right here." He said as he lifted it up. "Come on, let's get out of here." He left his key on his old dresser.

Right outside the front door they heard a deep, booming, drunk laugh. They froze. Jason's father.

He had black hair, tan skin and dark eyes like Jason. But the similarities stopped there. Jason's dark brown eyes were warm, like the melted chocolate in a chocolate chip cookie just out of the oven. His father's were flat, lifeless and cold. Like the bark on a dead tree in winter. "Hey!" He boomed. "Where the hell you been, boy? What the hell you doing back here?"

Jason kept a tight grip on Sam's hand as they turned to face him. He took in the young woman standing in front of him and was too drunk to remember he had known her for seventeen years.

"Who the hell's this chick with you?" He said.

Jason coolly replied, "My wife." His face was a stone chiseled mask.

"Your what?" His father spat. Spit actually flew out of his mouth.

"Sam Ramsden. Now she's Sam Channing. You've known her for seventeen years. We got married a month ago. She's your daughter-in-law."

"Huh." He said, as if they were talking about the weather.

"'Huh?' Your son gets married and that's all you have to say?"

Something in his father's eyes shifted and he said, "You're not going anywhere. You'll stay here."

"The hell I will." Jason answered.

Sam peeked at Jason through her hair.

"What'd you say, boy?"

"The hell I will. I'm gone. I want nothing to do with you. We're happy now. You're nothing but a worthless, dead beat, drunk waste of space. I hate you. You're pathetic. And I'm done. Screw you, you bastard."

Before she saw it she heard it. A fist slamming into someone's jaw. Jason slammed his fist right back into his father's jaw.

"Stop! Please! Stop!" Sam yelled. A chilly gust of wind blew her hair.

Jason's father looked up. "Stay out of this bitch!" More spit flew from his mouth. The smell of beer was in the air.

"What did you call her?" Jason yelled. Rage coursed through his body and he had his dad down on the ground, the fists coming one after the other faster than Sam could keep track of.

On some level, she knew Jason needed this. His father had beaten him for years. So she let him keep his father down and throw those punches.

Finally, she touched his shoulder. "Jason. Jason." She said gently. He looked up at her and then down at his father. Black eyes, nose bleeding. Drunk. He got up and took Sam's hand. They walked back to their house. Leaving his father on the ground and out of their lives.

***

Sam stared at the doctor in front of her. She could not bring herself to believe what he just told her.

She shook her head. "No, I can't be pregnant." She stared at the sterile white walls surrounding her.

"Have you and your husband had sexual relations recently?" The doctor asked as he glanced at his clipboard.

"Yes." She stammered.

"Then you absolutely can be."

Sam walked home, staring out at the street. The images blurred before her eyes. When she looked up the front door that she stood at was not hers, it belonged to her brothers. She hesitated a moment before turning the gold painted doorknob.

"Hello?" A deep, velvet smooth voice called.

"John?" Sam called.

"Hey. What are you doing here, Sammie?" John's brow furrowed when he saw her face. "Are you okay?"

She inhaled deeply and exhaled for almost ten seconds. "I don't know." She finally said.

"What's wrong?" He put down his bag on the soft carpet and removed his baseball cap.

They sat on the worn brown couch together. Sam didn't know how to say what she had to say. "I'm pregnant." She said quietly. Directness seemed the best approach.

John's eyebrows lifted into his hair. "What? You're pregnant? Does Jason know?"

"No. I just found out half an hour ago. I . . . well I missed my period and thought it was nothing but I guess I was wrong. I'm two weeks along."

John made a face at the word 'period'.

"What are we going to do, John? What will Jason say?" Sam finally turned toward him.

"He'll be thrilled." John said. "You two can raise this baby. You can do it." He nudged her shoulder.

Sam wasn't sure she believed his enthusiasm. It seemed much too easy to get that out of him. She dropped her head in her hands. "I don't know." She mumbled into her palms.

"When are you going to tell Jason?" John asked as he rubbed her back.

She snorted. "Never."

"Sam." He cocked his head to the side and gave her his best responsible-older-brother-look.

"Today." She said grudgingly.

At dinner that night Jason noticed Sam fidgeting with her silverware. The homemade beef stew sat on the table; it was largely untouched by Sam.

"Sam, what is it? Something wrong, baby?" Jason put down his own spoon and reached over the table to hold her hand. They always sat next to each other; never across from each other.

"I don't know." She answered honestly.

Jason gently grasped her hand and pulled her onto his lap. "Tell me." He said as he caressed her cheek.

"Okay." She held her breath for a moment. "I'm pregnant. Two weeks along. How do you feel about that?" Direct again. To the point.

Jason's dark eyes looked blank for a moment. It was like he couldn't comprehend what Sam had just told him. Then they lit up so much that Sam could swear there were diamonds in them starting out at her.

"We're having a baby?" He said with a Cheshire cat sized grin. "I'm going to be a Daddy?" His face lit up even more at the word 'daddy'.

"Yeah." Sam trailed. "You're happy about this? You're not upset?"

"No!" He jumped up, then put a hand on Sam's waist to keep her from falling.

"I want to have a baby with you, Sam. I love you." He said quietly.

"You think we can do this?" She asked him slowly.

"Yes, I do. Are you upset? Do you not want a baby yet?" Jason asked her as his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Of course I do." Sam said as she rubbed her pregnant stomach. "I didn't know if you wanted one right now..."

"I do Sam, I really do." He planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

"I told John first." Sam confessed. Jason's eyebrows pulled together quizzically. "I'm sorry." She continued. "I ended up at their house somehow right after my doctor's appointment. John was there. I spilled everything to him."

Jason stopped her with a laugh. "Baby, it's okay. Tell me how you knew."

"Well, I missed my period. I went to this appointment that I told you about and they told me I'm pregnant." She shrugged. "I told you it was just a regular checkup."

Jason laughed again, pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

Sam breathed in his scent and sighed in content. "Mmmmm. Oh hey, I love you too." She grinned.

***

On this dreary April morning Sam and Jason ate a breakfast of over easy eggs, toast and crispy bacon at her brother's house. At eleven that morning was Sam's first official appointment with her OBGYN. Jason was going with her and he told her he'd try to make it to every appointment she had.

They sat in the sterile waiting room for half an hour. The chairs were wood backed . Sam and Jason shifted their positions in their seats every two minutes or so. The walls were white with a couple of landscapes hanging. Sam flipped through a magazine while Jason fidgeted next to her.

"Mrs. Channing?" The brown haired secretary called. Her voice was like sugar.

Inside the doctor's office was sterile and clean just like the waiting room. The difference was there were pictures of babies instead of landscapes lining the walls. Sam felt like her heart was knocking on her chest like it was a door; and her heart was trying to get out.

"Okay." The doctor smiled. He had graying hair and light green eyes. "To the best of my ability I'd say the baby should be here the third week of December."

The attending nurse smiled. "Awww, right around Christmas." She said.

Jason and Sam gave an appreciative chuckle.

"Okay." The doctor took on a more serious tone. "We'll need to see you every four to six weeks. We should set up your next appointment." He strode over to his desk to retrieve his calendar.

Sam's next appointment had been set for the ninth of May. With that set they walked back home.

"We need to get a car." Jason said.

"We what?" Sam asked. Her voice rose audibly.

"You shouldn't be walking everywhere, Sam. I could talk to John. See what he has over at the garage. I still have extra money. I think we could swing it."

"Maybe." Sam said slowly. "We have to save some money though. We can't spend it all on the car. We have a baby coming." A car whizzed past them, blowing Sam's hair around.

Jason placed a hand on her stomach. "I'll see what John can get us. Besides, with the baby coming we'll need a car."

Sam bit her lip. "Yeah, you're probably right." She caved on the subject. He did have a point.

"Are you gonna keep working?" Jason asked. Sam cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, of course. We need the money." Jason still had that all too familiar look on his face. "I work in a library Jason." Sam sighed. "There's really very little danger of anything happening." She added with a slight smile, nudging his shoulder.

"What about your classes?" He asked.

"What about them?" Sam shrugged.

"But Sam, how long can you do all of this while you're pregnant?" Jason looked at her with one of the deepest looks of concern that she'd ever seen on his face. It squeezed her heart to tell him that she wasn't going to stop, but she had to.

"I'm not going to not go, Jason. At least for now. We'll see what happens down the line, okay?" She rubbed her small thumb back and forth on the rough tan skin of his hand.

He hesitated. "Okay." He took Sam's hand firmly in his and they walked on down the sidewalk together.

Sam was now four months along and beginning to show. For now she continued both her classes and her job at the library. She was taking two classes at the community college during this summer semester. Her morning sickness was still going full swing and Sam was starting to not fit into her pre-pregnant clothing. Today she and Juliana took on the task of buying maternity clothes in a second hand store nearby.

"See anything you like?" Juliana asked as they browsed the alarmingly pink racks of clothes.

"No." Sam grimaced. "Is this in the 'you're-having-a-girl-section'? Why is this all pink and frilly?"

"You don't want pink and frilly?" Juliana smirked.

"Hell no!" Sam burst and then put her hands over her stomach, trying to shield the baby from hearing the bad word. "Heck no." She corrected herself.

Juliana sighed. "Alright, let's find you something with no pink and no frills. Oh, and no bows." She paused and looked all around her. "This could take a while." Juliana said as she continued to take in the sea of pink around them. Sam laughed and whimpered at the same time as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

A couple of painfully pink hours later they emerged with two bags full of maternity clothes mercifully devoid of any pink.

"Hey, babe, what are you doin'?" Jason asked as he peeked into their bedroom door to see Sam sitting on the bed.

"I'm just writing in my journal, give me a few minutes?" She asked.

"Of course." He smiled sweetly at her before closing the door behind him.

Sam sighed and looked back down at the lightly lined pages of her journal. She read over a quick journal entry that she'd scribbled back on July 20th. ' _We're going to watch the news, Apollo 11 is going to land! On the moon!'_ She chuckled as she read it over. It was just barely legible, she was so excited. She turned the page and began another entry.

I went shopping for maternity clothes with Juliana today. You know, I thought that nothing could blow my mind more than getting married but having a baby definitely tops that. A baby, growing inside of me. Yup, that definitely tops my getting married. By the way, it is incredibly difficult to find maternity clothes that aren't pink. At least it was where we went. Luckily, we managed to find some non-pink clothes. I know the clothes aren't what matters. Not at all. Having that little baby in my arms is. I'm so excited and so nervous. Jason is going to be a wonderful dad. He probably isn't so sure, but I am. I'm going to be a mom. That's probably what I'm most nervous about. Sure, labor scares the hell out of me. But being a bad mom? That scares me even more.

Sam stood on the plush white carpet of their bedroom modeling her new clothes for Jason.

"No pink?" He asked with a small pout.

She threw a pillow at him. "You're hilarious."

He laughed and pulled her on top of him on the bed. Her eyes were getting heavy. He turned them to their side. "Tired, baby?" He stroked her hair slowly.

She yawned and nodded in response, closing her eyes.

"Go to sleep." He said with a laugh. He put his arm around her and she rested her head on his chest. Within minutes Sam's breath became slow and even. Jason watched her sleeping for almost an hour before he joined her in slumber.

***

The sun shone bright through Jason and Sam's bedroom window. The weather had been sunny for days. Sam stood in front of the mirror examining her six and a half month pregnant stomach. Her face was scrunched as she stared at herself. Jason walked up and put his arms around her from behind. Well, he tried to. He could just barely fit them around her.

"What's wrong?" He asked her as his warm brown eyes studied her expression.

Sam shook her head. "Nothing."

"Sam, come on, tell me." Jason gently brushed his hand against her cheek. His touch always felt a little rough because his hands were calloused. But the touch itself was always gentle, loving.

"I feel silly." She said with a small pout.

"I'm your husband. You can tell me anything. Even things you think are silly." Jason reminded her as he rubbed her stomach. She was wearing one of the maternity shirts that her and Juliana had gotten. It was light blue, not pink.

Sam threw her arms in the air and let them flap to her sides. "I don't feel pretty." She said and crossed her arms across her chest. She refused to look at Jason and only stared at the off white carpet beneath her bare feet.

"Sam?" Jason's bangs fell into his dark eyes as he tilted his head to the right.

"Jason, you can't even wrap your arms around me anymore!" Sam's voice was going up several octaves.

She glared at him as he laughed. He put a hand over his mouth and gently smiled at her. His beautiful, wonderful wife. "Sam, you're pregnant. You have another person growing inside of you. So I can't wrap my arms around you right now? That doesn't mean you're not pretty."

"Am I pretty?" She asked in a small voice. She peered up at him through her blonde lashes.

Jason pulled her into his arms, stifling a chuckle that escaped anyway. Sam gave him another piercing glare. He rested his chin on her head of soft hair. "Of course. You're the most beautiful woman I know. I've thought so since I was six years old."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Really." He said, putting one hand gently on each side of her face and pulling her face up to look her in the eyes. Today her eyes were a gray-green.

"Thank you." She said. Jason kissed the top of her head as she snuggled into the crook of his neck. His brown t-shirt smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and cologne.

"I have to ask you something." He said, his voice muffled by her hair.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Will you please stop going to class and work."

"Jason."

"I'm serious." He pulled her away from him and held her at arm's length.

"Class is done in a week." She argued.

"Okay, don't sign up for another after that yet, please?" He sighed loudly when Sam readied herself to protest.

Sam stopped her urge to protest and bit her lip. Nearly a full minute passed before she came to her decision. "Okay." She sighed.

"Now, work." Jason began with a deep breath.

"But we need the money." Sam argued, not bothering to stop herself from arguing.

"Sam, I don't want you going right now." Sam raised her eyebrows at him when these words tumbled out of his mouth. She crossed her arms over her chest and opened her mouth to protest. "Sam, come on, you know what I mean." He sighed. "I worry about you. I already talked to your boss. She said she'll give you time off and you can start again later. Please do this for me?" His eyes were begging her. Those warm as chocolate chip brown eyes.

"How about I stop going when I'm say, seven or eight months along?" She urged.

Jason nibbled the inside of his lip softly. "I suppose."

"Okay." Sam sighed and leaned into him. She let out a big yawn.

"Thank you, baby." He chuckled softly as he rubbed her back.

Sam sat at her old dinner table surrounded by her brothers and her husband. They were eating an old family favorite of spaghetti and meatballs. She felt at home there, and then she glanced up and noticed Craig, John and Matt staring at her stomach.

"What? What are you staring at?" She yelled.

They all shook their heads and all turned in different directions. John stared at his dinner, Matt stared at the clock on the wall, Craig was staring at the stove.

"Don't be shy. Tell me, I know. I'm huge. Just tell me." Sam said. They all turned slowly back to her, doing their best to avoid eye contact.

"We-" John started.

"We what?" Sam snapped as she flung her fork down.

Jason took Sam's hand. "Honey, come on." He pulled her up gently and led her out to the porch.

"What are we doing out here?" She asked.

"Sam, what is it? You're scaring your brothers." He smiled at her.

"They keep staring at me." She said as she kicked a twig off the porch steps. "It's like how everybody touches my stomach now. I didn't know it was public property."

"Well, they're staring at you because you're like a piece of art." Jason said as he squeezed her hand.

Sam stared blankly at him and then bust out into an uproar of laughter. Her head tipped back and her hair fell around her in a cascade.

Jason let her laugh, but he really did think—and always had—that she was like a work of art.

"Oh honey, that is so lame. I love you." Her eyes and smile glowed.

"Who are you calling lame?" He feigned offense at her comment.

"You." She poked him in the chest.

"Fine. I'm lame. Are you okay now? You wanna come back inside with your lame husband?" His warm hand took hers. She nodded. Jason always felt warm to Sam. Warm and safe.

As they cleaned up dinner talk turned to the baby. "We're gonna have a little nephew or niece running around." John said. "I can't wait."

"You'll make a great uncle." Sam said as he passed her a dish.

"He'll spoil your kid." Craig said as he dried the dish that had just been washed with a red dish towel.

"Or your kid is gonna be way too wild. If they learn from Uncle John, that is." Matt said. John threw a fork at him. Matt ducked just in time. "See!" Matt yelled.

"Anyway." Craig laughed. "It's gonna be a lot of work. Are you guys ready for it?"

Jason and Sam glanced at each other. "Hey, do we have a choice?" Jason laughed. Laughter filled the room. Jason squeezed Sam's shoulder gently.

Sam and Jason stayed up late into the night pacing back and forth.

"Can we do this?" Finally, Sam asked the question they were both thinking. Jason took both of her hands in his and drew in a deep breath. "We can do this Sam. We can." He said with a confidence that Sam admired. "And this kid is gonna be so loved. I know we can do this." He pressed his lips gently to her forehead. The light outside faded to a light pink glow as the sun began to rise.

Tears came abruptly pouring out of Sam's eyes as they sat on the couch watching TV that night.

"Sam, what is it? It's not the baby is it?" Jason's voice could be wrung out like a towel for the amount of worry that it dripped with.

Sam shook her head through her tears. Her wet hair stuck to her face as the salty water continued to pour down her cheeks.

"What is it?" Jason pushed her wet hair back from her face.

"Juliana is going to graduate in the spring." Sam sobbed. "She's graduating and going off to medical school and I haven't even gone to college yet. Will I ever get to go?" Sam pulled her knees up to her chest and curled into herself.

"Do you regret getting married to me and having our baby?" Jason couldn't stop himself from asking.

Sam turned to him. She reached out and put her hand on his knee. "That's not what I mean. That's not it at all. Even if I had the money right away and went to college I still would've married you when I did." She smiled. "I'm just wondering if I'll ever get the chance to go, you know?"

"I think you will." Jason said. "Even if we have to set aside some money each week, open bank accounts, take out loans, you will Sam." His tone was determined.

She nodded and leaned her head on his shoulder. He pulled their white and brown crocheted blanket that Juliana's mom made them over Sam. Her book of Emily Dickinson poetry lay open on the couch next to her.

***

The big day came in the middle of the night. Sam woke up at three in the morning, yelping in pain. Jason nearly fell out of bed. He pulled on a dirty pair of jeans and an old tee-shirt. He helped Sam get into a shirt and loose pants. He grabbed the go-bag and put an arm around Sam's waist. As he led her out to the car she clutched tight to his shoulder and every few minutes would double over in pain. Jason sped to the hospital cutting five minutes off the usually fifteen minute drive. Sam was whisked off right away and as always Jason was with her. He insisted on staying with her. After eighteen hours of labor, screaming, Jason patting Sam's head with a cool towel and letting her squeeze his hand as hard she wanted, Jason cut the umbilical cord. They had been blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She had eyes the exact shade of blue as Sam's were when they turned blue and Jason's dark black hair. It was a striking combination.

In a few days Sam and Jason, and the baby they had named Michelle Elizabeth Channing, were home from the hospital. They decided to name her after both of their mothers. Michelle, Sam's mom. And Elizabeth, Jason's mom. Sam and Michelle were both perfectly healthy. A week later, Craig, John, Matt, Shawn, Chris and Juliana stood around Sam, Jason and Michelle. They seemed to be playing a game of "pass the baby". No one wanted to give her up. Sam watched Jason hold Michelle. She saw the love in his eyes and she knew he was right; they were ready for this and Michelle would be so loved.

"So is labor as bad as they say?" Juliana asked as she passed Jason Michelle's pacifier.

"Oh, you're in for a treat when it's your turn." Sam grinned.

"Great." Juliana grumbled. "Well, you two got a Christmas and New Year's gift all in one." She said, squeezing Sam's shoulder.

Jason sat down on the couch next to Sam and handed Michelle to her. She kissed her pink button nose and leaned back to cuddle against Jason.

"What a way to start a new decade." Jason said.

"It's not a new decade yet." Juliana said.

"Close enough." He shrugged.

Sam kissed Jason. "I love you."

"I love you too, Sam." He said softly. They pressed their foreheads together and Jason's hair fell into Sam's eyes. She crinkled her nose.

"And we love you too." They said to Michelle. She cooed in response. Her blue eyes sparkled. The thin layer of black hair on her head was as soft as the down of a pillow.

"And yes." Sam agreed. "What a way to start a decade." She and Jason smiled at each other; each staring into the eyes of their partner for life. Their true love.

As it is with life, everyone went their own way. Some things changed. Some things stayed the same.

Juliana became an orthopedic surgeon and lived in Washington. D. C. Shortly after she started her residency she met another resident and they were married two years later. She would come to visit when she could.

Craig got a promotion and moved to Kansas to run a warehouse there. Five years after Michelle was born he got married to a woman named Melissa. Sam and Jason got along well with her and he just loved seeing the kids. They all saw each other around Christmas.

John now owned the gas station he used to work part time at. The car garage was better than ever. He was married to a woman named Emily that he had met when she came in to get her car fixed. Her and Sam got along really well and she would babysit for them sometimes. They would often stop by Sam and Jason's for dinner.

Matt got a job and saved up his money so he could go to college. He owned a bookstore in Missouri. He was another frequent visitor. He wasn't married yet but was seeing a woman who he met in his bookstore.

Shawn still got too wild and partied too much. But he kept down a steady job at John's gas station and even had a steady girlfriend. He would come by about twice a month.

Chris couldn't seem to get himself together. He spent more time in jail than at work at John's gas station. But John always gave him another shot. He made sure to stop by Sam and Jason's once a month; as long as he wasn't in jail.

As for Jason and Sam, Sam went to school and became a physical therapist. They were right outside of their old town. In a safer town. For their daughter Michelle. And the son they had fifteen years ago, named Jason Matthew Channing Junior. Jason had been right; Sam did go to school and become a physical therapist. She should've trusted him all along. About everything. There would have been no Jason Jr. or Michelle if she hadn't.

***

Amanda Leigh has a BA in English and Communications and a double minor in Psychology and Creative Writing. During college, she worked on the literary magazine and loved every minute of it.

Amanda has a cat named Sawyer—named after one of her favorite characters on Lost. Amanda enjoys reading, writing avidly in a journal, writing poetry, fiction and creative non-fiction, cooking and art—particularly photography.

She also keeps up two blogs. On one she posts all about books and writing, Girl with a Pen and a Dream, http://www.girlwithapenandadream.blogspot.com, and on the other she talks about everything else (medical experiences, music etc.), The Life of a Chronic Bibliophile, http://lifeofachronicbibliophile.blogspot.com/.

Amanda is a bit of a chocoholic and is slightly obsessed with office supplies. She has many ideas for stories so keep an eye out for more work from her.

<http://www.authoramandaleigh.com/>

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorAmandaLeigh

<https://twitter.com/APenAndADream>

<https://www.youtube.com/user/AmandaLeighYA>

<https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6426366.Amanda_Leigh>

Other Books by Amanda Leigh

Thousands of Mornings: Original Photography and Poetry (June 2012)

Holiday Hospital Stay Poetry Collection 2012: Original Poetry Inspired by My 2012 Holiday Hospital Stay (July 2013)

***

Even though writing a book is often a solitary experience there are always people to thank. There are the people who are just always there. Family, friends, my stepmom, my dad. There are the people who are in that category and have let you bounce ideas off of them and talk endlessly about your character's issues, backgrounds, favorite colors and so on and so forth. Or when you have to figure out how to fix a plot hole or a mistake in the timeline (especially in a book like this). Even to just have family and friends who support you in your writing journey is difficult, so if you have people who also put up with your crazy babble you're doubly blessed.

Now, there are always people who get those extra special shout outs. To my mom, for always being there, listening to my babble, helping me do the final spelling and grammar edits on this book, and helping with my books past.

To Jennifer Weiser, who has become my critique partner, writer friend and friend. You have been wonderful and I'm so glad that we got to connect. Thank you for reading this manuscript and giving me your feedback. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you loved it. All of the good things that you've said about this story mean oh so much to me. And I'm so glad that you're excited for my next book, too. I will always be there to read for you.

So, I must thank Rachel Harris. If not for her Flirt Squad, Jenn and I would have never connected. Thank you to Rachel Harris for starting that wonderful group! Thank you for supporting all of us who are in that group and just being so supportive in general! And thank you for answering that question that I had about Point of View! Also, for writing terrific books! To the Flirt Squad, you all are also wonderful! Thank you for your support and for just generally being great!

To Ryan, thank you for reading My Heart is Yours and giving me feedback. And just for being there through this crazy journey of being an author.

To Trisha Wolfe. I can't write an acknowledgements section without thanking you. You have been so great and so supportive. You've been someone to talk to and ask questions and you share a lot of my posts from my Facebook author page. I'm so glad that I joined the Tuff Girl Legion. It's a great group and I have so much fun there. I love posting teasers from my next book. It really helped boost my confidence to read your comments on it. As with the Flirt Squad and Rachel Harris, without the Tuff Girl Legion and Trisha Wolfe, this journey would not have been the same.

Mia Rivers, Theresa Troutman: you've been there to have fun with throughout this journey, too. Victoria Scott, you were one of the first people that gave me advice and the one who helped me make a decision to start a blog. (Even if you had no idea that you did, you did). To any other authors or bloggers et cetera who have been with me throughout this journey, thank you. Whether it was participating in the cover reveal for this book, posting a review of one of my first two books, hosting me for a guest post (At The Cool Table), tagging me in one of those blog hops or tagging me in the lucky seven game or sneak peek sunday, asking if you could review this book for your blog or just being there throughout the journey.

To Yulia, thank you for reading very early drafts and always giving me feedback. To Katie, Hannah, Aasma, Nicole, Shannon and Emily, thank you for listening to ideas and even reading snippets at times. Thank you for being excited about my writing. To Katie Elizabeth, thank you for all of that time spent during our free periods in high school talking about this book. We spent a lot of time talking about what might happen, which direction the book should go in and working out possible endings. Thank you for that. Even if the ending didn't end up exactly as we discussed in eleventh grade. Thank you, really.

To Dee Little. Thank you for being supportive, hosting me on your blog and for that wonderful five star review of my first book. And to anyone else who has read one of my first two books.

To Tana, for being so enthusiastic about having a book signing at your restaurant. Thank you for everything.

To Kacey at WHUD, thank you for interviewing me on the radio station. I still can't believe that I was interviewed on a radio station.

To Mrs. Cohen, Ms. Paressi, Ms. Sulsky, Mrs. Travis, Dr. Collins, Dr. Poe, Professor Bryant, thank you for teaching me about writing and critiquing my work. To my workshop classes, thank you, also. To Ms. Cavelleri, for being so determined to teach me how to read. Mrs. Baressi, you taught me about art as opposed to writing but you were supportive of my writing, too. And art has also become an important part of my life. To any teacher and anyone who ever took an interest in my writing, thank you.

Of course, to Tommy and Lois, for showing my mom and I how to self-publish. And for interviewing me on your blog talk radio channel.

To anyone who picks this up, writes a review, enjoys it, loves my characters, et cetera, thank you, too. It means so much to me.

***
