One of the hardest things to do
in America
is pass an amendment
to the Constitution.
It's harder than shooting
a porno on the Amtrak Quiet Car.
Because, you see, in order
to be added to the Constitution,
the amendment needs to pass
in the House,
needs to pass in the Senate
and be ratified by 38 states.
And how can you get 38 states
to agree on anything?
I mean, think about it.
You can't even get states
to agree on potato salad.
Yeah. I mean, if you show up to
an Atlanta cookout with raisins,
the only thing getting barbecued
is your ass.
In fact, it's so tough to get
through this crazy process
that it's been 30 years
since the Constitution
has been amended.
But this week,
Virginia may have gotten America
one step closer
to a new amendment.
REPORTER: USA Today reports
Virginia became the 38th state
to pass
the Equal Rights Amendment.
REPORTER 2: The Equal Rights
Amendment was first introduced
to Congress in 1923.
It took 49 sessions
to finally get it passed
in 1972.
REPORTER 3: The ERA,
as it's known, reads...
(reading):
Wow!
Women are now equal in America!
(laughter, cheering)
Also, also,
wow, women are now equal
in America?
'Cause, I mean,
that statement sounds good,
but it doesn't make you
feel good.
It would be like if Popeyes
came out saying,
"Great news. From now on,
our chicken sandwich
is 100% real chicken!"
You'd be like, "Wait,
what was I eating before?"
"Bock-bock!
Don't ask! Don't ask!"
"Shut up! Get in the box."
But don't get too excited
just yet,
because it turns out that
amendments are like avocados--
they only last for so long.
Is it too late for the Equal
Rights Amendment to become law?
REPORTER: The Office
of Legal Counsel says
it's simply too late
for the ERA,
pointing out
the deadline was in 1982.
REPORTER 2: Five states that
ratified the ERA decades ago
have since rescinded
those votes.
We have word that there will
certainly be court challenges.
Whether or not it holds it up
or not is the question.
Okay, no, I'm sorry, hold on.
So, they've been trying to pass
this Equal Rights Act for women
since the 1920s,
they finally get enough states,
but now it may not count
because they missed
some arbitrary deadline?
Who-who puts a deadline
on women's rights? Huh?
Who? Like, Cinderella's
fairy godmother? Huh?
Yeah, 'cause she was an asshole
with her rules.
"Be home by midnight
or you'll die alone."
It's like,
"What the hell, Grandma?
"I'm trying to smash a prince.
"And you're gonna turn
my carriage into a pumpkin?
"What if I'm doing 50
on the freeway?
"You're gonna kill me.
This is some
bibbidi-bobbidi-bullshit."
'Cause, really, it-it makes
no sense. It makes no sense.
Just because the law
is a little bit late
doesn't mean the whole thing
has to be scrapped.
Like,
if you're late for a movie,
they don't lock you out
of the theater.
They let you come in,
and your punishment
is that you just have to figure
out the plot for yourself.
Yeah. Just be like,
"Why do they look like that?
"Did a human and a cat have sex?
What is this about?"
But, still,
as a woman in America,
this must be really depressing,
to wait 100 years
to officially have equal rights
and then watch it all slip away.
I guess the best person to ask
would be an actual woman.
So, please, give it up
for Desi Lydic, everybody!
(cheering and applause)
What's going on, Desi?
Trevor, this is so frustrating.
After a century of teasing,
they bring us to the point
of ratification
and then say
it's not the right time?
I guess women finally know what
it's like to have blue balls.
Yeah, Desi, I-I can totally
understand your frustration.
What I don't understand is
why are you black and white.
Well, I could ask you
the same question, Trevor,
-but I won't. I won't.
-(gasping, laughter)
-Because it's racist.
-No, no, Desi, I mean--
I mean why are you
in black and white?
-Like, you-you look
like you're in the 1920s. -Oh.
Because, Trevor,
I feel like I'm in the 1920s.
Women don't have equality,
Nazis are back in the news,
I've even had
a case of the measles.
And, yeah, maybe it's 'cause I'm
on an anti-vaxxer dating site,
but-- what can I say--
I like the bad boys.
-(chuckles)
-N-No, Desi. Desi, come on.
I-I know men and women are still
not on a level playing field,
but-but you don't have
to be in the 1920s.
No. It's fine, Trevor.
I'm actually over the moon
about living in the 1920s style.
The glitz, the glam,
all that jazz.
I'm even learning
the Charleston.
(to the tune of "Macarena"):
♪ Hey! Do the Charleston! ♪
A'ight?
(chuckles)
Desi, that's-that's not
the Charleston.
-No, I think it is.
-I-I don't think it is.
A-And, yes, yes, America's
moving slowly toward equality,
but-but I don't think that's
any reason to give up, Desi.
Look, I don't care anymore,
Trevor. It's too depressing.
Even female amendments
get ignored after they turn 35.
I don't care
if it is Prohibition.
This gal needs a drink.
No, Desi,
don't drink out of a shoe!
What are you doing?!
(grunts) Relax, Trevor.
It's not my shoe.
Now, if you excuse me,
a man named Gatsby moved in
down the block,
and something tells me
he's legit. (chuckles)
Desi Lydic, everyone.
