

## Brilliant Children  
Nurtured from Conception

### Dr. Reginald Oxendine Sr.

Copyright Dr. Reginald Oxendine Sr.

Smashwords Edition

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# Preface

There are those that say we learn knowledge from books and wisdom from experience. Dr. Reginald Oxendine and Dr. Reginald Oxendine Jr. in their new book, _Brilliant Children Nurtured from Conception,_ take it to another level. Across more than half a century they have taken age old principles and ideas and moved them back into the 21St century for present day teachers, parents, grandparents and others who have a sincere interest in the next generation. It is the making of a humanitarian of sorts that moves from political correctness to a way of thinking that has made a difference in small rural communities and families in Southeastern, North Carolina.

Through real life experiences they rely on the heart, love and wisdom in raising boys and girls from conception through adulthood. Specific suggestions are given to demonstrate how to nurture your children and students to become brilliant, talented, and intelligent with morals, values, skills, virtue, respect and manners.

It seems that there are some in our country that still believe in civility and manners coupled with a good education that brings out the best in children and adolescents. That is what the book, _Brilliant Children Nurtured from Conception,_ models _._ In many ways they are saying that without compassion and love, courage has no direction.

This book is refreshing and moves us all beyond the slogans and banners to a real deep meaning of raising Rousseau's Emile of our time. The authors have captured in this book the essence of the difference between success and despair in all of our lives. It gives us a road map that we can follow if we really want to make a difference in the lives of boys and girls, in our community and our nation.

The book, _Brilliant Children Nurtured from Conception,_ gives us hope along with the incredible possibilities that exist in all of us to live our life well as we help shape the lives of youngsters in our communities to become brilliant children and adults.

Dr. Jerry Dale Jones

University Professor,

Honorary Navy Submariner United States Navy,

And the author of _A View from the Bleachers:_

Where the real game of life is played

Table of Contents

Preface

Chapter 1: Need for this Book

Chapter 2: Preconception

Chapter 3: Agreement on Conception

Chapter 4: Conception to Birth of Child

Chapter 5: Birth to Toddlers

Chapter 6: Toddlers

Chapter 7: Importance of Reading

Chapter 8: Preschool

Chapter 9: Kindergarten - Elementary

Chapter 10: Corporal Punishment

Chapter 11: Middle./Jr. High School

Chapter 12: High School

Chapter 13: Our Community

Chapter 14: Summary

Chapter 15: Fun Educational Quotes

Chapter 16: Food for Thought

About the Authors

# Chapter 1: Need for this Book

There is a tremendous need for this book, _Brilliant Children are Nurtured from Conception_. Almost any person who is over 13 years of age can become a parent without any formal parenting skills, training or knowledge of how to properly raise a child which is so vitally important. The most important responsibility and task in an adult person's life is procreation or passing their genes on to the next generation. This should be a planned process and not left to chance, the result of poor planning or the consequences of a one night drunken stupor.

Adolescents, young adults or mature adults seldom plan for the process of preconception, conceiving a child and the proper process to nurture the child from conception through adulthood. This process of rearing a brilliant child requires much planning, preparation and nurturing each hour, day, week, month and year from conception throughout the child's life including adulthood.

This book and the information it contains is an overview of proven techniques, principles and human development processes about how to rear brilliant children. It includes suggestions about ways to help parents, future parents, grandparents and significant others to nurture the next generation of children to become quality citizens for our families and our communities.

The suggestions contained in _Brilliant Children are Nurtured from Conception_ come from the research findings of experts in education, medicine, human development, psychology, psychiatry, sociology and anthropology. It is also patterned from parents who were successful in raising their offspring to become model children, students and adults. Many of these positive parenting skills were gathered and are being shared with you from first-hand observation of successful parents and their successful children for the past fifty years.

The information shared in this book can be very helpful in rearing gifted children, grandchildren or significant others. The information can be used to improve your children, your family, friends, neighbors, and other special people in your circle of friends. You can use these proven principles and techniques to help parents and future parents who have a vested interest in helping to improve their children and themselves.

The information contained in this book, _Brilliant Children are Nurtured from Conception,_ is an overview of important information, techniques, procedures, "dos and don'ts," and food for thought to help parents and future parents conceive, nurture and rear quality children.

An overview of the key developmental stages in a person's lifespan will be summarized from conception through childbirth, infants, toddlers, preschool, elementary, middle, and high school. Specific suggestions and helpful hints and instructions will be presented to help nurture and rear brilliant children during the key developmental stages of their life.

It is very important to realize that it is never too early to plan and prepare for children to develop into brilliant people during each stage of development. It is also never too late to begin remedial help in the developmental process. If a parent or significant other realizes that the child or children are not growing properly mentally, physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually or any other area, adjustments should be made to ensure that the child can get back on track toward proper development.

The information presented in _Brilliant Children are Nurtured from Conception_ may be helpful in all stages of the developmental process and many of the recommendations may be used and practiced throughout the lifespan of your children. Many of the positive parenting skills and efforts can and will be used and implemented simultaneously during the enculturation and development process.

The information and parenting skills needed to rear quality children will be used generically to refer to children, grandchildren, and significant others, or anyone who may be within your sphere of influence. The principles contained in this book can have universal applications for helping to improve our families and communities.

A large majority of parents and future parents are not knowledgeable about proven child care practices, techniques and interventions to properly nurture a child from conception to adulthood. This book can help equip them with proper information about parenting skills. You will learn how to use every teachable moment to help improve the lives of your children, grandchildren, family, friends, neighbors and others.

These suggestions about nurturing your children can have implications for other areas of your life, work, family, friends and others. They can be applied to the lives of your significant others' lives with amazing results. It can also be helpful in your marriage and family. The principles and instructions in this book can have universal appeal as these principles and techniques are applied to improve the lives of children and adults.

The process of creating brilliant positive and motivated children is a combination of the efforts of a host of people. Some of the most significant players in this process are parents, family, teachers, schools, religious leaders and the community.

# Chapter 2: Preconception

People who are thinking about having a child or plan to increase the size of their family should plan and spend much time in preparation before conception. It is important to plan the details of this historic and miraculous event. Much time and effort should be devoted to planning before for the pregnancy.

The four most important days in a person's life is the day they are conceived, the day they are born, the day they marry and the day they die. Understanding and realizing the importance of those four days in your life can greatly improve you, your children and your significant others' lives.

The moment one is conceived is dramatically important because it gives you the blueprint for life from both parents. During intercourse the sperm of the man and the egg of the woman combine and the genes, DNA and the chromosomes of both parents results into a zygote being produced. There has been much discussion about which is more important "nature or nurture" in the development of a human being. This is a debate about which influences a person's life more – the genes, DNA and chromosomes or all the environmental influences throughout a person's life. However, most educators, scholars and medical experts believe they both are equally important.

The day you are born is dramatically important because it places you into the world in a family or group of people who will be responsible for helping you to grow from infancy throughout adulthood.

The day you marry is dramatically important because it gives you the opportunity to bond with a significant other to become more capable of working together to achieve your goals in life. This union is the process of bonding two families together to better insure that your offspring has a double opportunity to survive and thrive.

The day you die is dramatically important because it gives you an opportunity to be transformed into another dimension. If a person has done the best they could in their life they will be more at peace with themselves as a result of a fruitful life with much good works for humanity and their families.

Preconception is a very important time when both parents are purposefully planning to have a baby. Much time should be devoted to deciding who will be the father or mother of the child if the person is married or unmarried. It is imperative that you choose a father or mother of your future child who has the best possible chance of being the perfect parent for your child.

You should choose a person who has desirable characteristics both mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. You want to give your future child the best possible chance to become a brilliant child and adult. Having a child with a person who does not possess desirable and excellent characteristics will result in not giving your child the best possible chance of becoming a superior person. Mommy use to say, "You can't make a silk purse out of a hog's ear."

When planning to get pregnant both partners involved should be in excellent physical, mental and psychological health. Conceiving a child when both parents are not in good mental and physical health can have devastating consequences upon the physical, mental and psychological make-up of the child after conception and throughout the child's life.

One should choose a mate to be the future father or mother of your child or children very carefully because once the mother has conceived a child there isn't any way to undo the pregnancy that has begun except abortion or miscarriage.

It is too late when one realizes that the mate one chose to conceive a child with does not have the proper qualifications to be a competent father or mother of a quality or brilliant child. This determination should have been made during the preconception stage of the relationship.

During the preconception stage of a relationship one should evaluate if the family and extended family of the targeted mother or father meets your approval to be the type of family and extended family you want to help rear your child from birth to adulthood. Does the family and extended family have the adequate education, experience, resources, parenting skills and temperament to help you rear a quality child?

During the preconception planning process one should ask themselves and the chosen mate for the conception if the financial resources and material resources are available to support a child now and in the future. If this is not going to be your first child one should ask if we have properly provided for our other child or children? Are we prepared to have and support another child without the help and assistance of governmental support?

Another vital consideration in the preconception planning stages is the need to be married or the decision to have a child without the support system that marriage brings into the equation. Two people can bring a child into the world. However, if you want to have children with all the potential advantages to insure they become brilliant children and adults one should consider the advantages of being married.

Single people who are thinking about having a child or having another child should seriously consider the additional benefits and resources for my future child by being married. People who are married or who are considering having their first child or having more children should examine themselves and ask the same preconception questions about their readiness and preparedness before bringing a new life into the world. If the answer is no to any of the above questions it would be a great time to delay bringing another life into the world who does not have a chance at becoming a quality and exceptional individual.

There are a host of other questions and variables one should ponder and consider during the preconception period before beginning the process of conceiving and bringing a new baby into the world. The suggestions above are a few words of wisdom or food for thought to consider before one brings a child into the world who did not ask or volunteer to come. If two people do not plan and can give a child the best possible chances at becoming a virtuous child and adult it may be best to delay the decision or forget the idea of creating a new life at this time.

# Chapter 3: Agreement on Conception

It is a universal desire consciously or subconsciously to want to procreate or have children. Our bodies and enculturation process have programmed us to want to reproduce ourselves to help populate the earth. It is reasonable and desirable to want to pass your genes on to the next generation. However, one must face reality and decide if our wants and desires are the logical and appropriate course of action before one decides to try to bring a quality child into the world.

Before two people are ready to conceive and have a child, there are many very important considerations that should be made by both parents before the decision is made to bring a child into the world. Almost anyone over the age of 13 during the childbearing years can help to conceive and have a child. However, it is not appropriate for all people who can conceive a child to do so until the circumstances and timing is correct.

You must decide who is the right or best person to help conceive and nurture a child from conception to adulthood. This is a very important question to ponder. You should choose a quality person whom you love who is mentally, physically, socially, emotionally and financially suitable to be the mother or father of your child.

It is a known fact that the person you choose to help you conceive a child contributes 50% of genetic makeup of the future child. Therefore, it is very important that you choose a superior person to help you conceive your future gifted child. At conception the male contributes 23 chromosomes and the female contribute 23 chromosomes.

You should choose a person who has the potential to help conceive a child who will have the potential to be very intelligent. You want to choose someone who has a high IQ. They should also be economically stable. One should choose a quality individual who has the best possible chance of helping you to rear and nurture a gifted child from conception to adulthood and beyond.

It is very important to consider the family and background of your future child's father/mother. Their family and background is very important because their intelligence, morals, values and attitudes have been greatly influenced by their own family.

If you want to know what your child will look and act like, the best indicator will be to look at your future child's father, mother, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and other extended family members. A person's mental and physical characteristics are inherited from one's family. Their DNA and chromosomes come from their parents, grandparents and past generations of relatives up to seven generations ago. If the father has below average intellectual abilities and low IQ, it may be impossible for them to pass on DNA and genes that are capable of producing a child with above average intelligence.

Marriage should be the first requirement for agreeing to have a child between two people. The ideal marriage should include a husband and wife in a household who possess sufficient resources to adequately support a child. If two people do not have these resources in place the consideration to have children may need to be delayed.

It is very desirable to have a child within a marriage environment. Marriage has been found to be the best environment to rear children in societies and countries around the world since the beginning of creation. Marriage offers the best opportunity for both parents to be directly involved and help in the rearing and upbringing of the child. Brilliant children should be reared by a nuclear family which should include both a mother and father who are greatly involved in helping to nurture the child. An additional asset to nurture virtuous children is the help of supportive extended family members.

Another consideration in deciding to have a baby is to make certain that both of the future parents are in total agreement about their desire and readiness to have a child. This should be discussed and talked about long in advance of the conception of a new life. According to statistics more than 40% of the pregnancies in America today are unplanned and unwanted by one or both of the people involved.

A large number of unplanned pregnancies today are the result of poor planning, lack of birth control information, birth control pill slip ups, entrapments, one night stands and unprotected sex. According to Sharon Jayson – "Unplanned Pregnancies" – about 40 percent of pregnancies across the United States were unwanted or mistimed. She goes on to site that in nearly every state about 65 percent to 75 percent of unintended pregnancies were considered mistimed and 25 percent to 35 percent unwanted, According to analysis by the Guttmacher Institute in New York. More than half of pregnancies in 29 states and the District of Columbia were unintended; 38 percent to 50 percent were unintended in the remaining states. Note: These figures and percentages may be much higher for unwanted pregnancies if the father's consent and agreement had been considered in the unwanted pregnancies statistics.

# Chapter 4: Conception to Birth of Child

If both future parents are mature and responsible adults and they have properly planned during the preconception stages it is logical to proceed to the conception stage. It is important that both are in agreement that they indeed do want to create a new life together.

It is very important that both mother and father are in excellent health. It is also very important that the mother and father's body is drug and alcohol free and free of any other medicines or substances that can adversely affect your future child while in the womb and later in life. It is important that conception does not occur during a "drunken stupor" or after a party where drugs were used. Getting pregnant or conceiving a child during or after a time like this can cause all types of deformities and brain defects which usually last a lifetime.

The process from conception through childbirth is considered by many to be "Life's Greatest Miracle." It is nine months of continuous miracles occurring repeatedly.

Normally, the process begins with the intercourse of a girl and boy or a woman and a man. The intercourse or union of the two people may result in the egg of the female and the sperm of the male joining and becoming a fertilized egg. Pregnancy is the process and time period from the fertilization of an egg to the development of an offspring.

The pregnancy process last approximately 36 to 40 weeks after conception. The fertilized egg is known as an embryo or zygote. The embryo is the beginning of a new human life. The embryo begins and continues cell division for about 8 weeks. After about 8 weeks of development the embryo becomes a fetus. The fetus has all the organs and structures of a human being. During the last 28 weeks the fetus continues to grow and the body systems and structures continue to develop and mature.

There are many activities taking place inside the mother's body during this time that can positively or negatively affect the baby both mentally, physically, socially, emotionally and intellectually. This is a most critical time in the development of the child.

Childbirth is the process where a child is born after 9 months of pregnancy and the child is delivered from the mother's uterus into the world.

During the 9 months that the embryo and fetus is developing in the womb there are a host of things both parents can do to enhance the proper physical, mental, social and emotional development of a talented child before birth.

The things that parents do during the time from conception through childbirth can tremendously improve a child's chances of becoming a gifted child and person. It is very important that the mother receive superior health care, perfect diet and supplements, rest, exercise, little stress, emotional support and keep a positive self-concept and a positive attitude.

Both parents should support and be involved with the unborn child's health, safety and biological needs during this time. This can be accomplished by the mother and father being cooperative, supportive and humane to each other as well as keeping stress and emotional strife to a minimum. Both parents should continue to be loving, caring and supportive toward to each other.

Both parents should talk to the unborn child and show love and support from conception through childbirth. It is not known how early a child's sensory organs are developed enough before the unborn child becomes aware of its outside environment. However, it is known that a child as early as 5 to 6 months can respond to light and sound. They make movements inside the mother's body in response to stimulations from outside the mother's body.

At around the fifth month of pregnancy, your baby will be able to recognize your voice among other voices. Talk to your unborn often and repeat their name frequently, saying I love you and that you are waiting for him/her. You can call them by name and say things like "I love you so much and I am waiting patiently to see you." You can even cuddle your tummy.

During pregnancy would be a good time for the mother and father of the unborn child to choose a dignified and proper name for their unborn child. It is important to choose a name that you and your child can be proud of throughout life. After choosing a name you can now talk to your child and have conversations with them as you call them by their name. This will allow the mother and father to have personal conversations and bond better with your child. Child psychologists say that talking to your unborn increases their intelligence.

Another important thing to do is sing to your unborn child (both mother & father). Parents may sing simple songs or read nursery rhymes to them. Play music for the unborn child. Psychologists say that playing classical music to the unborn child also makes them smarter and helps in brain development. During the last three months unborn children may respond to the songs and music by movement.

It is especially important that the mother and father read to the unborn child because this will improve their verbal skills after they are born and in many cases the child may also begin to talk earlier. Mothers and fathers may begin to teach their unborn child the letters of the alphabet or their numbers to 10.

Remember, your goal is to deliver a healthy child who has the potential to become a brilliant child and adult.

# Chapter 5: Birth to Toddlers

The moment a newborn comes into the world is the completion of one huge series of miracles that have occurred in the life of the mother and child. "Life's Greatest Miracle" has occurred when a newborn is delivered. What mothers, fathers, grandparents, family and significant others do to help the newborn grow from an infant to a quality adult is our contribution to the continuation of the miracles that began at conception.

It has been said that the "Hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." These are true words because the mother, father, relatives and significant others who are the primary caregivers are the most important teachers and educators throughout a child's life. It is very important that you allow only quality positive and constructive people to be involved in your child's life.

Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from childbirth through adulthood. The people who may be greatly involved in this process are the biological parents, adoptive parents, older siblings, grandparents, a legal guardian, aunt, uncle or other family member and friends.

One of the most important decisions mothers can make is to breastfeed their baby from birth. There are many advantages to breastfeeding the newborn both mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally. There are also numerous advantages for the mother to breastfeed the child. Extensive research studies have shown that breastfeeding provide many advantages for both the child and mother including: (1) Child will be more intelligent, (2) Prevent many illnesses in child and mother, (3) Protect against obesity, (4) Protect against allergies, (5) Lower the baby's risks of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), (6) Reduce stress and depression for baby and mother, (7) May reduce cancer for mother, (8) It is an excellent time for social and emotional bonding between mother and child, and (9) Breast milk is the perfect food for infants. There is also a host of other advantages for the child and mother if the child is breastfed.

Breastfeeding should begin within one hour of the infant's birth and continue until at least two years of age. Some women are the only mammals in the animal kingdom that does not breastfeed their offspring.

It is understood that parents should insure that the child is provided the best possible mental, physical, social, and emotional support and superior health care. There are hosts of contributing factors that help the infant to grow from birth to a toddler which influence him or her mentally, physically, socially, emotionally and spiritually.

One of the most important influences parents, grandparents and others can accomplish is to help the baby develop a positive self-concept or high self-esteem from birth throughout life. Building positive self-concepts or positive self-image will be a primary focus of discussion in our journey to give guidance and direction in our efforts as we explore why brilliant children should be nurtured from birth.

After a child is born one of the first things the parents and grandparents do is to count the fingers and toes of the newborn and make sure it does not have any "missing parts." Then kisses, hugs, praise and thanks for the birth of a new living creature are given. One of the first questions asked by all who come to visit and adore the newborn is what is his or her name?

The mother and father probably have already chosen a name for the child and have been talking to the child in the mother's uterus and calling it by its name. One of the most important tasks a responsible parent can do is to give their child and children respectful, appropriate and dignified names. If you want your child to be an exceptional, gifted, and virtuous person it is very important that much time and effort should be devoted to choosing a proper surname for the child.

Never allow your child to be given a derogatory name or nick-name. It is virtually impossible for an infant to grow up to have a positive self-concept and proud of themselves with an unflattering name or nick-name. Never allow family or others to place nick-names and other derogatory labels to your child under any circumstance. Children are often given silly names and nick-names such as Demon, Jessie Bell, Booger, Coder, Doggie, Rat, Cat, Mammy, and others. A child or an adult can never have a positive self-concept with such names placed upon them.

From birth to toddlerhood may be the most important years in your child's life because the kid is forming its self-concept about its environment, its family, relatives, friends and significant others.

What is self-concept? Self-concept is the way a child or person feels about themselves. It is extremely important that a child from birth through adulthood has a positive self-concept about themselves and the world around them. Positive self-esteem describes a person who feels good about themselves and their self-worth as an individual. This is why positive parental involvement is one of the keys to helping kids form positive and healthy self-perceptions. Patterns of self-esteem begin in early childhood and continue to develop throughout life. One of the best ways to evaluate if a child has a positive self-concept is to see a big smile on his/her face.

Psychologists use the word self-esteem to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own self-worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward one's self. Positive self-esteem encompasses beliefs such as "I am competent." or "I am worthy."

During the years from birth to toddlers extra special attention and efforts should be made to help the child build positive self-esteem and a positive self-concept. Every effort by all involved with the nurturing and child-rearing process should do everything in their power to ensure that only positive words, actions and deeds are always positive and encouraging toward the child. A short list of these types of things should be love, hugs, smiles, praises, songs, compliments, touching, holding, cuddling, acceptance, warmth, positive talk, encouragement and listening.

There are an abundant number of ways you can help your kids build positive self-esteem or positive self-concept. Find every opportunity to praise and commend your children for a job well done and praise their positive accomplishments. It is very important to demonstrate your love for them constantly. Let them know you love them unconditionally regardless of their shortcomings and mistakes. The more kids feel loved the more it increases their positive self-concept and self-worth. A positive self-concept is one of the most important contributors to help a child grow and mature into a brilliant child and adult.

Expressions to

Motivate

Super work! Good job! I trust you. You're tops! Awesome!

You've discovered the secret. Fabulous! You are a darling.

You brighten my day. Fantastic job! I like you. You're a good friend.

Nice work! Wow! All right! You made my day.

You're the apple of my eye. You're a super star. Looking good!

You mean a lot to me. Good for you. Right on! How nice!

You're A-OK. You make me laugh. Bingo! You light my life.

Marvelous! Hooray for you. Spectacular! My special little one!

I like your style. You're beautiful. You're cool. Good! I respect you.

That's correct. Dynamite! You are responsible. Outstanding!

You are fun to be with. You're precious. You're unique. You're a doll.

Hot dog! Super! Outstanding performance! You figured it out.

You're catching on. Great discovery! You're an angel.

You're fantastic. You're impressive. Beautiful! You're a gem.

Phenomenal! You're wonderful. Remarkable job! You belong!

Creative job! You're charming. Super job! You're a winner.

You're special. You can. You're incredible. You're on a roll.

You mean the world to me. You're sensational! How smart! Terrific!

That's incredible. Beautiful work! You're growing up.

I knew you could do it. You're extraordinary. You're a real trooper.

That's the best. Brilliant! Superstar! You make me happy.

You're the icing on the cake. You tried hard. You're on your way.

You are organized. You are successful. What a good listener!

Excellent! You've got a friend. Way to go! You're unbelievable.

Exceptional performance! Now you are flying.

You are my sweetheart. Neat! You're important. Great!

Keep it real! You're stupendous. You're on target.

Magnificent! You're one of a kind. Fantastic! What an imagination!

I am proud of you. You're the best. You're a treasure. Remarkable!

Nothing can stop you. You're on top of it. You learned it right.

You can be anything you want to be. What a way to go!

What a challenge! Now you've got it. Well done! You're spectacular!

I Love You!

# Chapter 6: Toddlers

A very important time in the developmental process of rearing brilliant children is from toddlers to preschool which is a time of rapid growth mentally, physically, intellectually, and socially. The toddler years are from about two years old into early three years old. These are very active times for young children. They are becoming more independent and they are actively exploring the world around them in new ways. Parents, teachers and caregivers have the important task of giving children numerous opportunities to improve and promote their child's mental, physical, social and emotional development during these years.

The transition from early childhood to toddler often results in what has been termed "The Terrible Twos'." Some educators, child psychologist and sociologist also include another category - the awful threes. However, I would suggest that "The Terrible Twos'" and "Awful Threes'" are a myth. It is important that we understand the developmental process involved during this time. With proper information and proper guidance "The Terrible Twos" and "Awful Threes" will not be a problem. They should be called "The Wonderful Twos and Threes."

The transition from infancy to toddlerhood can sometimes be problematic and this is the reason they are called "The Terrible Twos." However, understanding the major changes in the mental, physical, social growth and development during these years can turn trouble into opportunity. These years can be an excellent time for parents and caregivers to really influence their children to becoming gifted and talented individuals.

The key changes occurring from early childhood to toddlers are mobility, self-awareness, and language. These three developments lead to the toddler becoming more independent. This in turn results in greater separation between parent and child which often results in feelings of sadness and loss for the parent. It is said that parenting involves giving your child "roots and wings." Sometimes it's not so easy to help a toddler grow "wings" to go along with the "roots!"

The terrible twos typically occur when toddlers begin to struggle between their reliance on adults and their desire for independence. One minute a child might be clinging to mom or dad, and the next he or she is running in the opposite direction.

During this time the two year old are undergoing major motor, intellectual, social and emotional changes. Their vocabularies and mobility are growing and they're eager to do things on their own. They're also beginning to discover that they're expected to follow certain rules. However, most two year old still aren't able to move as swiftly as they'd like, clearly communicate their needs or control their feelings. This can lead to frustration and misbehavior — in other words, the so called terrible twos. It is important for parents to pick their battles. It is not necessary to say no to everything or to put limits on everything. Some things are important and others are not and can be ignored.

Provide your toddler with a safe environment that is well childproofed to explore and play in. It really isn't fair that your toddler should get into trouble for playing with something he/she isn't supposed to if you left it within their reach.

It's generally a good idea to try and ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. When your little one makes good choices or handles frustration well, compliment him and give him lots of hugs and kisses. Remember it's good for a child to feel powerful, to make decisions and to take responsibility for their piece of the world. Our job as parents is not to crush that spirit and that exploration of power but to help our kids make choices and express themselves in positive ways.

It is important to understand that there is wide variation in terms of what is considered "normal" behavior for children at this age. What is normal for one child may not be normal for another. Each individual is driven by a wide variety of genetic, cognitive, physical, family, cultural, nutritional, educational, and environmental factors. Children will go through different ages and stages of development on their own time-line.

Some of the major developmental accomplishments toddlers achieve are increased mobility, new self awareness and the onset of language. All of these new achievements and accomplishments should be enjoyed by both the parents and the child. Each new accomplishment by the child should be praised, rewarded and encouraged by parents and significant others. You should act as a "cheerleader" for your child as he/she performs successful achievements, accomplishments and developmental tasks.

During the toddler years there will be a dramatic increase in mobility. As your child moves from infancy to toddlerhood, physical, emotional and cognitive changes occur at a rapid pace. They begin crawling, then walking, and running, and "getting into everything." The built-in feelings of interest and curiosity are now unleashed, and the exploratory urges of the toddler are in high gear.

As your toddler increases their mobility they will also become more aware of themselves (self-awareness). At this time toddlers begin to walk, run and "get into everything." Their brains are undergoing neurobiological and psychological changes which result in self-awareness and a sense of "me." The toddler begins to have a sense of "self" and "me." They also have likes and dislikes.

While the toddlers are becoming more mobile and increasing their self-awareness they will also be greatly increasing their language skills. The onset of language has great implications for the development of the child and for the parent-child relationship. Language allows you and your child to communicate in a new wonderful way, to share thoughts, feelings, dreams, and so much more. The parent-child relationship often begins to get strained when the child starts expressing distress and anger with words such as no, hate, I won't, don't like you, can't and others.

During this time it is important for parents to display and use a parenting style that will be helpful for your child or children to grow into super and virtuous children and adults. Parenting style may be described as the emotional climate in which parents raise their children. A parenting style is a psychological term used to represent standard strategies that parents use in their child rearing. There are many differing theories and opinions on the best ways to rear children as well as differing levels of time and effort that parents are willing to invest.

It is important for you to create your own style of parenting from a combination of factors. Your parenting style may evolve over time as the children develop their own personalities and move through life's ages, stages and developmental tasks. Parenting style is affected by both the parents and the child and the child's temperament. Parenting styles are greatly influenced by the parenting style of your own parents, family and the cultural norms of society. Many parents learn parenting styles and practices from their own parents — some they accept, some they discard, some they improve upon.

Diana Baumrind found in her research what she considered to be the four basic elements that could help shape successful parenting: responsiveness vs. unresponsiveness and demanding vs. undemanding. From these, she identified three general parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. These four styles of parenting involve combinations of acceptance and responsiveness on the one hand and demand and control on the other.

Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. The people who may be greatly involved in this process are the biological parents, adoptive parents, older siblings, a grandparent, a legal guardian, aunt, uncle or other family member or a family friend.

Some of the different parenting styles may include autocratic, democratic or permissive parenting styles. However, each parent must choose their own parenting style during these troubled years of adolescence. There will be times and situations which call for an autocratic or dictator type of parenting style. Other times may better employ a democratic type of parenting style where the parents talk over the situation and come to a conclusion. In some cases a permissive parenting style is more appropriate or just let things continue as they are going.

During the "wonderful twos'" and "wonderful threes'" parents need to understand that the brain has not developed to the point that that logical reasoning, understanding rules, and instructions are understood or appreciated. Scolding, spanking, yelling, time out, and other types of punishment are a waste of time during this stage of development in your child's life. Be patient and give your child time to grow and mature as their brain develops to the point of logical reasoning.

Parents who want to bring up their child or children to be gifted and exceptional should remember to be patient, consistent and supportive as you guide your children through each developmental stage during these "Wonderful Twos'" and "Wonderful Threes'."

# Chapter 7: Importance of Reading

One of the most important tasks parents and caregivers can work toward is to help your child begin the process of learning to read early. Learning to read is almost as important as learning to walk and talk. From birth children go through stages of developmental tasks they learn to perform as they grow and mature. From birth it is very important that parents talk and sing to their child. This talking and singing is the foundation and setting the stage for a child to begin to acquire the skills to learn to read. Teaching pre-reading skills is a continuation of the talking, singing and bonding that started while the child was in the mother's uterus or womb. Many psychologists and educators believe that the pre-reading during preconception and early childhood helps to improve the child's self-concept.

Learning to read is a crucial step in children's education because those who fare poorly in the early grades are unlikely to catch up with their more skilled classmates. ( _Scientific American)_ Experts say about 5% of the nation's children learn to read with ease, almost intuitively. An additional 20% to 30% learn to read with relative ease once they begin some kind of formal reading instructional program. However, the bulk of children (about 60%) has difficulty and must be given proper reading instruction. ( _Council for Basic Education)_

For most children being a slow learner in reading does not begin in elementary school. It begins during the years between the play-pen and the classroom. If you want to have a brilliant child it is important that your child start reading very early. It would be great if your child is reading on the second or third grade level when he/she begins kindergarten. Many children are!

You should have been reading to your child during the time he/she was in the womb. Now that the newborn is in your arms and present with the mother, father and significant others you can really become serious about instilling a love of reading in the youngster.

From birth through toddlers is the perfect time for pre-reading activities. These pre-reading activities are performed to insure that the kid becomes equipped with early pre-literacy preparation. There isn't any better way to introduce your child to words, rhythm, fluency and other pre-reading skills than to read to them daily. Reading to them from picture books and nursery books is very important. Sing the ABC Song to them, show them the alphabet letters and teach them to recognize letters and their sounds. Teaching them to recognize the letters of the alphabet early can be a great start to them becoming super readers.

Children can begin to learn pre-reading skills at birth while they listen to speech and sounds around them. In order to learn to read, a child must first have knowledge of the oral language. This is why it is so very important to talk and sing to your child because it is the first step in the pre-reading process. Many studies have shown that a child's early experience with pre-reading related activities is highly correlated to the child's success with learning to become an excellent reader. Therefore, it is very important for you to build a solid foundation of pre-reading skills for your gifted child so it will become a fluent reader and excellent reader at an early age.

There are tons of pre-reading materials and early reading materials available commercially, online, bookstores, libraries, literacy websites, and a host of other sources. It is very important to use a wide variety of appropriate materials and use them often and continuously. However, some of the best and most appropriate pre-reading materials are the ones the parents and grandparents make and find to help their exceptional child.

Early and enjoyable pre-reading experiences set the stage for a child's desire to learn to become an excellent reader. By participating in developmentally appropriate activities the child gains knowledge that will serve as the foundation for further learning as he or she enters school and throughout life. The resources and activities parents choose to share with their child should be fun and enjoyable but not too hard to make it frustrating to the child.

Pre-reading activities and choosing reading readiness materials are highly individualistic. There are not any "one size fits all" solutions to teaching a child to read. Parents and caregivers need to employ a large variety of resources and materials to find the most appropriate methods and materials for your individual child.

Children's educational television programs can be very helpful pre-reading learning tools to increase early childhood pre-reading readiness. Animated educational programs can give early learners enjoyable opportunities to hear speech and sound as they learn about their environment around them. Selecting quality educational programs from television can be very helpful in exposing your child to a vast variety of learning activities. Television and multi-media instruction is a great supplement to the range of educational opportunity you can provide for your kids. However, the best educational pre-reading and learning activities are the direct individual involvement and interaction of the parents and significant others with the child.

Computers and other multi-media devices can be excellent resources to help with pre-reading skills. As soon as youngster can use the mouse and click keys on the keyboard of a computer they can begin to teach themselves to learn to read with many of the excellent educational reading programs available.

Teaching your child to read is not "rocket science." According to the National Right to Read Foundation "Teaching a child to read is a very simple and logical process." One formal method of teaching reading is the "Phonics Approach to Reading." This method of teaching a child to read is to help a child to learn to identify the 26 letters of the alphabet, the sounds each letter makes and the sounds combination of letters make. This method of teaching reading has been used for the past 300 years with amazing positive results.

"Anyone who can walk and chew gum" can become an excellent reader in a short time by using this proven approach to learning to read. Phonics is a method of teaching beginning readers how to read. Phonics is a way to teach beginning readers to read words and pronounce words by learning the phonetic value of letters, letter groups and syllables. It is also an excellent method to teach remedial reading to children and adults. The struggling readers who have not been taught a proper foundation and decoding skills for reading can learn to become fluent readers in a short time with phonics instruction.

Parents and other adults can become reading experts by learning how to teach reading by using phonetic instruction. It is a simple and natural extension of talking. All parents and significant others can learn to teach the 26 letters of the alphabet, the sounds each of the letters make and the sounds letters make when they are combined with other letters.

Dr. Patrick Goff with the National Right to Read Foundation says "For parents who may not understand what phonics information is, this may give them confidence they can teach it. The essence of what you need to know to teach phonics information can be expressed "on the back of an envelope":

The Essence of Phonics

For parents who may not understand what phonics information is, this may give them confidence they can teach it. The essence of what you need to know to teach phonics information can be expressed "on the back of an envelope":

Arrow Educational Products, Inc

www.ArrowInc.com

# Chapter 8: Preschool

The infant and toddler years have passed and parents and children can now really enjoy each other. The preschool years should be very enjoyable years for parents and children as they bond and grow together. Preschool children are ages 3-5 years old. This is a time that children can talk to the parents and they can better communicate with each other and enjoy one another's company.

Parents can now get a little relief since the "terrible twos" phase is behind you now that your little one has graduated to the preschool ages. Three-to-five year-old develop and mature in a number of areas as you help them prepare for the leap towards kindergarten. Preschool kids now tackle new challenges and opportunities as they explore and test their physical, behavioral, emotional and educational limits.

This is a very important time in the developmental process of rearing brilliant children because it is a time of rapid growth mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. The preschool years from ages 3-5 may present the greatest opportunities to positively influence your talented son or daughter to become a brilliant person. Almost every minute of the day and night offers quality teachable moments for you to positively influence your child.

In the preschool years, your child is extremely curious and will likely ask lots of questions about their environment. All questions asked by your children should be given an intelligent and thoughtful answer. Your child will be exploring their world inside the home and outside the home. They are constantly trying to understand their world and how everything fits and works together. Appreciate and take advantage of all teachable moments because mommy, daddy and significant others are experts in the eyes of your child on everything they confronts.

Remember, a day will come when they grow to be preteens, teenagers, young adults and adults when they may think or act like you do not know what you are talking about. They may think or say that times have changed and your way of doing things is outdated or not relevant. (Have you ever had these thoughts about your parents?)

The preschool years are very active times for young children. They are becoming more independent and they are actively exploring the world around them in new ways. Parents, teachers and caregivers have the important task of giving children numerous opportunities to promote positive improvements in their mental, physical, social and emotional development during the preschool years.

Preschool children need to learn how to make choices for themselves and how to feel good about the choices they make. It is their job and yours to learn to take initiatives in socially acceptable ways. During this time youngsters are growing at a rapid rate in all developmental areas and this creates many opportunities for helping to instill positive knowledge, values skills and attitudes into your child. This is also an important time to teach children such things as manners, respect, fair play, sharing and citizenship.

Language development in your three, four and five year olds is increasing dramatically during this time. They have begun to speak more fluently, to make sentences and express themselves. By age five a child may be able to speak more than 2000 words. He is more aware of his environmental surroundings and can express what is happening in his world.

Preschool children are growing more mature physically, socially, emotionally and intellectually as they learn much by imitating their parents and other children. They are becoming more mature and are not as dependent on parents to be constantly by their side. They are inquisitive and love to try new experiences and interact with other children and adults. They make new friendships and interact more cooperative with others.

Three, four and five year-old make significant mental or cognitive strides during these years. They are beginning to understand the concepts of numbers, counting, same and different and they also understand the concept of time. They can now follow instructions. They have vivid imaginations and love to make up stories. During this time is an excellent opportunity for parents to put greater emphasis on pre-reading, learning to read and becoming more proficient readers.

During these years kids are rapidly developing physically and their motor skills are vastly improving. They can do many new things for themselves. Their coordination is improving to the point that they can ride a tricycle, bicycle, play ball, and learn to swim. They can take responsibility for helping to groom themselves and a host of other more advanced tasks.

This is an excellent time to start teaching your child to take on chores and responsibilities around the home. Teaching your child work ethics from a very young age is very important. It is hard to teach a 21 years old adult to work and be responsible when the parents have "spoon fed" their child from birth. This also is a great time to teach your children about money management, manners and etiquette.

It is important to provide a wide variety of educational tools to help your child to grow mentally, physically, socially, emotionally and spiritually during this time. A few of the tools available to help are toys, books, manipulative materials, educational television, radio, computers, internet, educational software, libraries, and quality reading materials.

It is very important that these materials have educational value and are fun and enjoyable to your child to work and play with. The pre-school years should to be a joyful time for both the child and the parents. The attention span of pre-school children is very short; therefore, all materials and educational resources should be something the child is interested in being involved with. This is true during all stages of life. Learning should be enjoyable experiences for the child during all ages and stages of life.

The preschool years is an excellent time to teach your cleaver child to be well mannered, respectful and well behaved toward themselves, other children, parents and all people they interact with. Good manners should be taught at a very early age because once bad habits form, they're hard to change. Parents need to realize that they serve as role models for their kids. If the parents are rude, the children will also be rude. An excellent way to teach good manners is to state the rules and then show how to apply these rules in everyday life. Good manners and respect should be modeled before children by their parents, grandparents and significant others.

Parents should start with a very basic set of rules for your children to follow from a very early age. Manners and respect should start at home. Good manners are essential in our community and society. The manners and etiquette your child learns at an early age will carry over into adulthood will help them to become more successful in friendships, family life, and careers. The time and effort you put into teaching your children basic manners will bring the reward of knowing your child is equipped to be a respectful and mannerly person throughout life.

Parents should strive to nurture their children to be very intelligent children and adults who are both mannerly and respectful to all men, women and children they encounter. One of the worst things a parent can do is foster a brilliant child intellectually who grows up to be an "intellectual slob" without adequate people skills such as proper manners and respect for their fellow-man.

The preschool years are an active time for your young child. They are growing more independent and they are anxious to explore their environment and world in new ways. Parents have the important task of giving children numerous and varied opportunities to promote their development during the preschool years, including physical development, thinking and learning, expressing feelings, awareness of self and others, and communication. You will be presented with hundreds of teachable moments each day to have opportunities to improve your child's self-esteem and educational growth. These are excellent years to help teach your gifted child to be brilliant, virtuous and mannerly as they learn to successfully master developmental tasks during this age and stage of their life.

# Chapter 9: Kindergarten – Elementary

The kindergarten and elementary school years should be very enjoyable years for parents and children to bond, mature and grow together. Kindergarten and elementary school years are when children are ages five to twelve years old.

The beginning of formal school is a very important, exciting and delightful time in the lives of children and parents. Getting a great start from the very beginning of the formal educational process is extremely important for the continuation of the proper foundation that you the parents have laid down for your child from conception to birth, through early childhood, toddler years and preschool. It is very important that your child experience positive experiences from the very beginning of kindergarten through elementary school.

Entering kindergarten is the first step toward the graduation from a formal K-12 school experience. Kindergarten is a German Word which literally means children's garden. It traditionally represented a beginning educational approach based around playing, singing, practical activities, and social interaction as part of the transition from home to school.

Today, the kindergarten has evolved into much more than a social and transition period. It has become a structured learning environment but it also includes many social activities. While kindergarten was once viewed as a separate part of the elementary program it is now generally considered the first year of formal education and fully integrated into the school system.

A first grade boy was overheard talking to a kindergarten boy who had just moved up to the first grade. The first grader told the kindergarten boy, "In kindergarten you played, took naps, colored and had fun but you are now in first grade and you will really go to work." This has some truth in it; however, first grade should also be fun and an exciting time for the students. Schools at all levels need to be fun and have a nap time for students and teachers.

The first grade is the first year of elementary school. It is the beginning of compulsory attendance for children ages 6-7. It is more regimented and structured than kindergarten. It is the official beginning of formal education for the children. Children are taught subjects like reading, math, and history. First grade is an extremely important grade for students who do not already know how to read. It is a great time to get an excelled start in reading and build a solid foundation in phonics and decoding skills.

It is extremely important that parents start before kindergarten, first grade and elementary school in choosing an exemplary school for their brilliant child. The school you should spend much time searching for is one with a great kindergarten program, a super first grade and an excellent elementary school. It should also have super teachers for your bright and accomplished child.

It is very important that your child's positive self-concept is not shattered during this transition into kindergarten. Parents should devote all the resources necessary to make sure their child will attend an outstanding school and are taught by superior teachers with a proven track record of being excellent teachers. It is very important that a school should be chosen which is humane, welcoming, child centered and has an excellent curriculum.

It is easy to find out where the best schools are located and who the best teachers are by name. Ask key educational leaders or parents of successful students who have been attending schools in your neighborhood. They will be glad to recommend quality schools and quality teachers. If the schools and teachers recommended in your school district are not super move to another neighborhood or transport your child to another area with quality schools and quality teachers.

You have heard that the three most important things in a business are location, location and location. This is also true in your desire to find an excellent school for your precious gifted youngster. One of the most important variables in choosing an excellent school which provide quality educational opportunities is location, location and location. The more affluent neighborhoods are where professional and business people live.

They usually have better quality schools because they can afford to build better schools, provide more educational resources and pay higher salaries to attract the best administrators and teachers. They also are better connected politically to the school boards of education. They will not tolerate substandard schools and unqualified teachers and administrators to teach their kids. They demand the best quality education for their children and if your child is attending a school along with their kids, your child will have an equal opportunity to be educated by competent administrators and teachers.

Your child will also have a better opportunity to interact with students who have been provided with educational opportunities and resources in previous nursery schools and preschools. The parents in these neighborhoods are also more likely to have higher educational levels, good moral values and stress the importance of education. These values and the desire to succeed in school are likely to be shared by their children.

Parents who are seeking a quality school for their child should visit the school in your neighborhood and others to determine if you think the educational environment is suitable for your child. A few of the things you should look for in a quality school are as follows: (1) Positive Attitude of all staff, (2) Curriculum should be built on what's best for students, (3) Student achievement scores on state standardized should be high, (4) A strong school community relationship, (5) Excellent teachers in each grade, (6) Excellent educational climate, (7) Few discipline problems, (8) The principal is respected by the community, staff and students, (9) Are computers available to all students? (10) A secure environment that meets children's needs for health and safety, (11) Are extracurricular activities available for students? (12) Are students smiling and having fun?

Once you have chosen an outstanding school and your child is enrolled in classes, it is important that you and your child work cooperatively with the school in striving for academic excellence. Your skillful student should be a hard worker, motivated to be successful, well mannered, respectful, involved in academic activities, participate in extra-curricular activities, a problem solver, trustworthy and become a leader if the opportunity arises.

It is also very important that you as a parent of an accomplished child attending the school should be a contributing member of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA). You need to be greatly involved with the school and support it in every way you can. This will demonstrate to the administration, teachers, staff and students that you are concerned and want to help improve the school. This will also give you an opportunity to interact with the administration, teachers and your child's teacher. You will have time to talk to your child's teachers and help them to become more knowledgeable about your child's strengths, assets, goals and aspirations.

Most parents are eager to help their children do well in school, life, sports and other areas to the point that sometimes the parents want success for their children more than the children want it for themselves. Often it becomes a struggle with the children to get them to apply themselves and do their best. Parents often resort to demanding better performance from their children who often seem determined not to cooperate. Parents often try to motivate, persuade, prod, coerce, nag, threaten, bribe, and other approaches to get their children to perform at their highest level in school and life. Sometimes parents feel frustrated when all their hard work appears not to be getting immediate results. However, parents need to realize that raising brilliant children is not a short time process because your efforts and work may only manifest itself months and years down the road.

Dr. William Purkey is an educational psychologist at the University of North Carolina - Greensboro. He is a great advocator for high self-esteem in a child's achievements: "For generations, wise teachers (and parents) have sensed the significant and positive relationship between a student's concept of himself and his performance in school. They believe that the students who feel good about themselves and their abilities are the ones who are most likely to succeed."

School and Parent Partnership

I dreamed I stood in a studio  
and watched two sculptors there.  
The clay they used was a young child's mind  
and they fashioned it with care.

One was a teacher – the tools she used  
were book, music and art.  
The other, a parent, worked with a guiding hand  
and a gentle, loving heart.

Day after day, the teacher toiled with touch  
that was careful, deft, and sure.  
While the parent labored by his side  
and polished and smoothed it o'er.

And when at last their work was done  
they were proud of what they had wrought.  
For the things they had molded into the child  
could neither be sold or bought.

And each agreed that they would have failed  
if each had worked alone.  
For behind the parent stood the school  
and behind the teacher, the home.

Poet Unknown

# Chapter 10: Corporal Punishment

Parents and teachers who have the primary responsibility to rear brilliant children must do everything in their power to raise children who are educated, who also have proper morals, values, skills, manners, respect, and character. Children and students should also have respect for themselves and others. Parents, teachers and significant others should love, nurture, guide and help their students to become respectful, mannerly, well behaved and responsible law abiding citizens.

Corporal punishment or spanking is punishment for misbehavior of children and students. It may involve striking the person a given number of times in a systematic and consistent manner. The punishment is usually administered either across the buttocks or on the hands. The instrument parents and teachers may use for this purpose may be a wooden paddle, leather belt, strap, yard stick or other non dangerous and non life threatening instruments. The paddle or the instrument used for spanking should be left in a prominent place in clear view to remind students that it is available if needed.

It is extremely important that children, students and adults at all ages and stages of their life are well disciplined, well behaved and well mannered. Without appropriate behavior in the home, school, community, nation and world, our goals, objectives and purposes for existence will not be accomplished. It is extremely important that children, adolescents and adults learn appropriate behaviors at an early age in life. This appropriate behavior should be modeled in daily life in all places and situations by adults as examples for children and adolescents. Children and adults should learn at a very early age that homes, school, communities, and society have rules and regulations that require appropriate behavior. Proper conduct should be expected, demanded and enforced in the home, school and society.

Corporal punishment or spanking should be one of the options parents and school staff have available to keep or restore order to insure proper behavior, respect, and cooperation exist in our homes, schools and society.

Spanking an unruly child or student should not be the last resort to get them to behave properly, act mannerly and be respectful. In some cases it should be used early before a child or student gets "too far out of line" and disrupts other students' education. An undisciplined child may influence others to also misbehave by imitating the behavior of the misbehaving person.

Unless children and adults follow the rules and regulations of the family, home, school and society, it may result in chaos and anarchy. A certain amount of conformity has to exist whenever groups of people and individuals are interacting with each other and are living in close proximity to each other. In order to preserve order and stability in our homes, schools and society, corporal punishment should be an option to insure peace, harmony, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Spanking and corporal punishment are controversial topics among parents, teachers, and administrators across our nation. There are constant debates about if it is appropriate to use spanking or corporal punishment on children in the home or in schools.

Advocates who are in favor of school corporal punishment argue that it provides an immediate and proper response to serious and repeated discipline problems by a student. After the corporal punishment is administered the student can quickly return back to their seat or the classroom and continue working and learning. If used appropriately it may keep serious behavior problem children from being suspended from school for up to two weeks or the remainder of the school year. Spanking is very effective and efficient if handled properly and in moderation. It delivers immediate results, does not cause any long term side effects, a great motivator, improves conduct and greatly decreases disruptions to the learning process and society.

A spanking may help improve the behavior of other children and students in the immediate area. If they know a classmate has just been spanked or about to be paddled it may cause other students to be better behaved, act more mannerly, be more respectful and more obedient. Students who were distracted by a misbehaving person may now focus on the tasks that need to be performed without being distracted by unruly children or students. They realize their turn may be next unless they behave like "ladies and gentlemen."

When a corporal punishment system is put into place and practiced it is very important that there are not any discriminations or exceptions in gender (boys and girls), race (black and white), age (4–18), school grade levels (Pre-K through 12th grade) or socio-economic class differences (rich and poor).

However, there are exceptions which should be taken into consideration before spankings are administered. Children under four years of age should not receive corporal punishment or spankings. Before four years of age a child's brain may not be developed enough to understand reason, logic and instructions clearly. Children and students with mental and physical handicaps should not be administered corporal punishment except in extreme and rare cases of misbehavior. Spanking and corporal punishment should be used as a very last resort with these students.

In the United States all states allow parents to use corporal punishment with their own children. Almost 50% of all states have laws giving the teachers or principal permission to use corporal punishment on children. In all states it is also permissible for parents to go to the school and spank their child if the need arises for misbehavior.

In the United States the use of spanking and corporal punishment by school staff has historically been covered by the common law doctrine of "in loco parentis," whereby a school has the same rights to discipline students as their parents. There should also be regulations set in place so schools and staff cannot rush to use or arbitrarily use corporal punishment in the heat of the moment.

Homes and schools in our nation would be greatly improved if spanking and corporal punishment was used more frequently to deter unruly behavior. Unruly children who are not properly controlled and given proper guidance are causing much chaos and disruption in the schools and homes in America. If parents and grandparents knew how discipline problems and unruly conduct was adversely affecting opportunities to receive a quality education in classrooms across America today, they would likely remove their students from public schools. Grandpa use to say, "A spanking or a switching will not kill a child but an undisciplined child left to raise himself may kill someone or cause someone to kill them."

Wikipedia

Map shows Legality of corporal punishment in the United States in 2009.

Red \- Corporal punishment not prohibited in home or school

Blue \- Corporal punishment prohibited in schools only

No state prohibits corporal punishment in home and school

# Chapter 11: Middle/Junior High School

Getting ready for your child to start middle school and junior high school is an excelling and delightful time in the lives of children and parents. This is a tremendous opportunity for you and your child.

Getting a great start in school during these years is extremely important for the continuation of the proper foundation that you the parents have laid down for your child from conception to birth, through early childhood, the toddler years, pre-school and elementary school. It is very important that your child has positive experiences from the very beginning of middle school/ junior high school. These years lay the foundation for a future successful high school experience.

Middle school and junior high school years are very important years for your brilliant and intelligent child. You have done everything you can do up to this point to be an excellent parent and your child has been a brilliant son or daughter. However, the middle/junior high years may be a great challenge to you and your child. These years may test both of you in more ways than words can describe. Therefore, you must resolve to yourself and others that you are going to continue to do your best to continue to nurture your brilliant child.

The teenage years or adolescence are often portrayed as a stressful time for both the parents and teens. Research demonstrates that teens undergo a number of rapid developmental adjustments including biological, cognitive, emotional and social changes on their way to becoming adults.

According to Kimberly Kopko many developmental psychologists endorse authoritative parenting as the best parenting style for raising adolescents. Authoritative parenting style is associated with healthy adolescent development and provides a balance between affection and support and an appropriate degree of parenting control in managing adolescent behavior. This atmosphere provides opportunities for the adolescent to become self-reliant and to develop a healthy sense of autonomy within a set of parental limits, guidelines and rules.

Authoritative parenting incorporates the best qualities of permissive and autocratic parenting into a style in which appropriate boundaries are maintained while the child is encouraged to participate in the decision-making process. The optimal parent is one who is involved and responsive, who sets high expectations but respects her child's autonomy. Children fortunate enough to be raised by authoritative parents tend to do better in educational and social arenas as well as experience better mental health.

Middle schools or junior high schools are schools which children attend between elementary school and secondary school. It is literally the middle of your child's formal school years for Grades K-12. Historically, local public control have allowed for variation in the organization of schools. In some school districts elementary schools are Grades K-5, then children go to a middle school from Grades 6-8, then they attend high school in Grades 9-12. Other school districts may have schools structured which include a junior high school. This arrangement may include elementary school from Grades K-6, junior high school from Grades 7-9 and senior high Grades 10-12.

Attending middle and junior schools are children from ages 10 - 15 years old. The phenomenal growth that is occurring at this time in the lives of the children presents unique challenges for parents and the children themselves. This is a time when young people are very impressionable and they are forming values and making decisions that will impact them through adulthood. This impressionable age for development places additional responsibility and stress upon students and parents.

In elementary school basic subjects are taught and students often remain in one classroom throughout the school day, except for physical education, library, music, and art classes. However, in middle and junior schools students are given more independence, move to different classrooms for different subjects and are allowed to choose some of their class subjects (electives).

The middle school concept often involves a group of teachers from different disciplines working as a team with the same group of students of the same grade level with each teacher teaching a different subject. Students are assigned a homeroom. This is intended to foster a sense of belonging for social and emotional support to students transitioning from a single classroom in elementary school to middle/junior high school.

During this stage of life, young children experience more developmental growth mentally, physically and socially than any other stage in their lives with the exception of infancy. Parents will see physical changes and experience the emotional and social dilemmas of puberty and adolescence occurring in their children during these school years. Within each classroom there are wide variations in the students in physical development, intellectual abilities, academic achievement and social and emotional development. These wide differences and variations can cause much stress and anxiety for both the student and parents.

During this time your child will be experiencing some exciting times and some very difficult challenges. Youth during this time are between the ages of 10 to 15 and they are having some major changes in their lives both mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. They will be going through the stages of puberty and adolescence.

Although girls are often more physically advanced than boys, both boys and girls experience disproportionate bone and muscle growth that results in feelings of discomfort, awkwardness and restlessness. This rapid and dramatic growth and changes to their body have major issues for both the child and parents. Your elementary child will develop into a mature person who is literally capable of becoming a parent themselves during this developmental time period.

Your child will be experiencing dramatic changes in physical development. Changes in height, weight, and body chemistry are taking place, along with rapid sexual development. They may find it difficult to cope with the many changes taking place in them. At this time they become extremely concerned about peer approval, peer pressure, teacher approval, parent approval and self-satisfaction or self-approval.

Students of this age are sensitive and have a strong need for approval from others and they are extremely concerned about peer approval and acceptance. They need close friends their own age that can provide the comfort and understanding they may find hard to get from parents or other adults.

Your child will generally desire more autonomy and crave social acceptance and interaction. They will begin to interact and be more interested in the opposite sex. During this time your child may begin to challenge parents, teachers and adults by testing their limits. However, it's important for parents, family members and significant others to continue expressing their love, positive reinforcement, and encouragement. They should also set rules, regulations and limitation they expect from their children.

Middle school students are seeking to find who they are as unique individuals. They are usually self-conscious and often judge themselves about their physical appearance and development. They often have mood swings, easily offended, highly-idealistic, emotional and can be inconsiderate of others. Your child may believe that their problems and experiences are unique to them. They may feel that you as a parent and other adults cannot possibly understand what they and their friends are going through.

These middle/junior high school years can be extremely difficult and trying times for the child and the parents. You and your child must keep the faith and continue to build on the foundation you have been building for the past years of nurturing and building positive self-concepts. In the Bible, Jesus Christ at age 12 got lost from his parents when they went to Jerusalem to the temple. He was missing for four days when his parents found him at the temple. (Luke 41-45) If Jesus Christ can cause his parents grief and concern during this same age level (12) then you as parent can expect to go through a few trying times with your children during these difficult times and stage of development.

During these years, it important for your youngster continues to develop a positive self-concept and high self-esteem. You may ask how self-esteem is learned, acquired and developed. According to educational psychologist self-esteem is learned by conditioning, modeling and positive reinforcement.

To help your child to develop high self-esteem it is important that your child and their environment are constantly reinforced by the three above variables. Providing positive opportunities and reinforcement can help children to feel good about them-selves.

Conditioning in the learning process happens without any intent to learn it at all. Conditioning is something that happens to your child rather than them trying to learn it. It is the constant positive reinforcement one receives from you such as praise, approval, success, and a host of other good things and successes to experience.

Repetition is the key to conditioning. If a child repeatedly hears and sees positive things said and good deeds done for him they will internalize the positive feedback and it will become a part of their personality.

Modeling is another excellent process that helps develop positive self-esteem. Modeling is the process where a child tries to imitate the actions of significant others or people they admire. If a child constantly observes quality people living, acting and talking in positive ways to and about them the child will imitate or model these behaviors.

The above actions and occurrences in a child's life will help them to develop positive self-esteem, positive self-concept and motivation to believe they are special and capable of accomplishing great things. Don't ever miss an opportunity to say and do good things to and for your child. One of the most important ways a parent can enhance a child's self-esteem is to create a home environment that accentuates the positive and minimize the negative.

Peer pressure often has a dramatic and negative influence on students during the middle/junior high years of attendance in school. It is very important that your talented and skillful student not be adversely influenced by their friends and classmates because of peer pressure.

Peers, friends and significant others become an important influence on behavior during adolescence. Peer pressure is influence that a peer group or individual exerts that encourages others to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform to the group norms. A person affected by peer pressure may or may not want to belong to these groups but they may conform and go along with the group to be with the "In Crowd."

Peer conformity in young people is very influential with respect to style, taste, appearance, ideology, and values. Peer pressure may influence risk taking such as delinquency, drug abuse, sexual behaviors, and reckless driving. Affiliation with friends who engage in risky behaviors has been shown to be a strong predictor of an adolescent becoming involved with risky behavior or acts of delinquency. However, peer pressure can also have positive effects when youth are pressured by their peers toward positive behavior such as volunteering for charity or excelling in academics or sports.

It is extremely important that parents be highly aware and involved with the educational experiences their child is receiving at school, the type and quality of your child's friends and the type of extracurricular activities they are attending. Sometimes parents have to set rules and limits and make sure their children follow them. If they do not abide by proper rules, regulations, have proper attitudes and be respectful, they should be required to suffer the consequences for their actions for not following the rules you have laid down.

It is extremely important for your child, parents, teachers and all significant others responsible for the educational programs in your child's school to work cooperatively. This will insure that all students receive the best possible education. They will learn the knowledge, values and skills that they need for success in college and careers. With students fully prepared for the future, our communities will be best positioned to compete successfully in the global economy.

Positive attitudes alone will not ensure your child has successful school experiences. It does little good for them to have positive feeling about himself and the world around him if he fails to acquire certain basic skills. Reading is the most basic of the academic skills, and in almost all our studies, it was shown to be more sensitive to a child's self-esteem than any other. Some educational psychologist contends that the best single predictor of a student's reading success is his level of self-esteem upon entering school. (Dr. William Mitchell)

Positively or Negatively Responses

"I got two A's," the small boy said.  
His voice was filled with glee.  
His father very bluntly asked,  
"Why didn't you get three?"

"Mom I've got the dishes done,"  
The girl called from the door.  
Her mother very calmly said,  
"Did you sweep the floor?"

"I mowed the grass," the tall boy said,  
"And put the mower away."  
His father asked him with shrug,  
"Did you clean off the clay?"

The children in the house next door  
Were happy and content.  
The same things happened over there,  
But this is how it went:

"I got two A's," the small boy said.  
His voice was filled with glee.  
His father proudly said, "That's great:  
I'm glad you belong to me."

"Mom, I've got the dishes done,"  
The girl called from the door.  
Her mother smiled and softly said,  
"Each Day I love you more."

"I've mowed the grass," the tall boy said,  
"And put the mower away."  
His father answered with much joy,  
"You've made my happy day.

Children deserve a little praise  
For tasks they're asked to do,  
If they're to lead a happy life,  
So much depends on you.

Author Unknown

# Chapter 12: High School

Attending high school can be a very rewarding time and it can also be a very challenging time for your son or daughter as well as you the parent. The high school years are the culmination or climax of the years of hard work and effort to mold your talented youngster into a brilliant person who are rapidly growing into adulthood. This is a time when your son or daughter continues to rapidly mature mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. Many times they act like adults one minute and the next minute they behave and think like children. These years offer many challenges and rewards for you and your youngster as they explore the new worlds of opportunities and responsibilities of high school.

High schools are educational institutions whose mission and responsibilities are for the educational attainment for your son or daughter in Grades 9 -12 (High School) or Grades 10-12 (Senior High School). Students during these years are usually 14-19 years of age.

Students at high schools have a wide range of age differences as well as a wide range of differences in mental, physical, social, and emotional development. This can be a major concern for your son or daughter and to you, the parent. Having a daughter or son 14 or 15 years of age interacting and socializing continuously with students who are 16, 17, 18 and 19 years of age can be a concern and a challenge. Additional concerns are added since this is the physical developmental stage where adolescent students' "hormones and sex drives are in over-drive."

Albert Einstein said, "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

A high school is an institution that provides students the opportunities to learn knowledge, values and skills. The mission and purposes of high schools should be to help students: (1) Become prepared for college and careers, (2) To become life-long learners, (3) To prepare themselves to be able to compete successfully in the global economy, and (4) To be prepared for a meaningful life in the 21st century.

High school years can be a very rewarding time in the lives of your student as he/she makes new friends, meet new teachers, explore diverse curriculums, and participate in extra-curricular activities. This is a time when there are a host of fun activities occurring "day and night." Adolescents are super charged with energy and filled with "things to do, exciting places to go, and people to meet."

The teenage years or adolescence are often portrayed as a stressful time for both the parents and teens. Research demonstrates that teens are undergoing a number of rapid developmental adjustments including biological, cognitive, emotional and social changes on their way to becoming adults. The teenagers and their parents may not be prepared or ready for all the changes and developments that are simultaneously occurring or about to occur.

There are a variety of parenting styles that you the parents may use during these adolescent and high school years as you try to help them cope with high school and adolescence. A few of the different parenting styles may include autocratic, democratic, permissive or other parenting styles. However, each parent must choose their own parenting style during these troubled years to help your adolescent child. There will be times and situations which call for an autocratic or dictator type of parenting style where a parent makes decisions for their child and demand that they follow their instructions. Other times may better employ a democratic type of parenting style where the parents and children talk over the situation and come to a conclusion. In other situations and cases a permissive parenting style may be more appropriate. In a situation like this parents may let things continue as they are going. They do not want to get into a fight or they decide to pick and choose their fights.

According to Kimberly Kopko many developmental psychologists endorse an authoritative parenting style as the most appropriate for rearing adolescents. An authoritative parenting style may be associated with healthy adolescent development and provides a balance between affection and support. It has an appropriate degree of parenting control in managing adolescent behavior. This atmosphere provides opportunities for the adolescent to become self-reliant and to develop a healthy sense of autonomy within a set of parental limits, guidelines and rules.

Authoritative parenting incorporates the best qualities of permissive and autocratic parenting into a style in which appropriate boundaries are maintained while the child is encouraged to participate in the decision-making process. Parents should be greatly involved with their adolescent students during their high school years. Parents should be involved, responsive and set high expectations for their children but keeps a safe distance and respects their child's autonomy.

The beginning of high school may be an appropriate time to give your adolescent child a "refresher course about the birds and bees." Your children's bodies in many cases are maturing faster than their brains and they may not always be capable of making mature decisions. This is a time when many students are greatly involved in courtships and intimate relationships. It is also a time when peer pressure may be stronger than parental advice and common sense can overcome. Dr. Dalton Brooks once said "Peer pressure may have more influence on my children than I have and I'm filled with the Holy Ghost."

During this time adolescent students may be highly idealistic, defiant, and independent. Their friends' opinions and influence may be more important than logic, good sense and parental suggestions. They may also be highly idealistic and want to change the world because they feel that adults past and present are not capable of making the right decisions. They may want to be treated like adults one minute and the next minute they act like immature children.

These high school years can be very troubling times for your adolescent children and you the parent; however, you must keep faith in your brilliant child you have been nurturing and caring for since conception. You have to believe that all the efforts you have put forth to teach them knowledge, values, skills, morals, manners and respect for themselves and others have been internalized and they will do the right thing. This is a time for parents to be "preaching and praying." Continue to preach to them about how to be brilliant people and pray that they will make right decisions which will affect their lives and future.

It is also very important that you continue to love your child unconditionally and show this love with encouragement, advice, praise and support. Remember, you were once an adolescent who had some bumps in the road during these trying times. These adolescent years and high school years is a learning experience and preparation for adulthood. Your child will not make all the correct decisions in all situations; however, mistakes, failures and bumps along the road gives them opportunities to learn from their experiences, choices and failures. Trials and tribulations often results in building character, determination and patience.

During this time it is very important that parents and significant others continue to strive to build positive self-concepts in your child. Positive self-concepts and positive self-images are extremely important during these high school years. The purposes of life and schools are to build students into adults who have the necessary skills to be successful in life.

It is also very important that your high school student learn the academic skills and knowledge to be successful. The primary purpose of schools is to educate our youth with knowledge, values and skills. Fundaments must come first. It is very important to remember that learning academic skills and having a positive self-image complement each other. Children in school who cannot read his textbooks and do their assignments are in "a poor state of affairs" even if their self-concept is excellent and they believe they are the "best thing since ice cream."

During these high school and adolescent years is a very important time to continue to help your brilliant son or daughter to continue to build positive self-worth and a positive self-image. Your efforts to help your youngster to develop self-worth will tremendously improve their opportunities as they grow into adulthood.

The looking-glass self is a social and psychological concept stating that a person's self grows out the perceptions of others. The term refers to people shaping their self-concepts based on their understanding of how others perceive them. Because people conform to how they think others think them to be. It is difficult to act differently from how a person thinks he or she is perceived by others. "In the looking-glass self a person views themselves through others' perceptions in society and in turn gains identity. Identity or self is the result of the concept in which we learn to see ourselves as others see us. The looking-glass self begins at an early age and continues throughout the entirety of a person's life." (Charles H. Cooley)

The self-fulfilling prophecy also has great implications for your effort as a parent in raising brilliant children during these high school and adolescent years. The self-fulfilling prophecy is a term which states that "What a person believes seems to happen. A positive or negative prophecy, a strongly held belief, or a delusion which are declared as truth when it is actually false may sufficiently influence people so that their reactions ultimately fulfill the once-false prophecy." (Robert K. Merton) This concept of beliefs and results has been proven to be correct for the past several hundred years. Examples of such prophecies and their coming true can be found in literature as far back as ancient Greece and ancient India civilizations. Another example of the self-fulfilling prophecy is "Whether you believe you can or you believe you can't, you are right."

The self-fulfilling prophecy has enormous implications and applications in your effort to bring up brilliant children. What a person believes seems to happen can be positively applied to your child rearing practices. It has tremendous applications as you work with your child throughout a lifetime as you accent the positive and downplay the negative. It also has great implications as you talk to significant others such as family, friends, neighbors and teachers about your child. When you talk to them about your child you should always stress your child's assets and great qualities, attitude, beliefs and values. Your high expectation and desires for your child can positively influence other people's expectations to be positive about and for your child.

If a teacher believes a child has great potential and works and encourages the child great things will happen. If a child knows the teacher has high expectations and cares for them they will perform at a higher level of achievement.

Carl Rogers is considered by some to be the greatest psychologist who ever lived. He once made the following observation - "I am beginning to feel that the key to the human being is the attitude with which his parents have regarded him. If the child is lucky enough to have parents who have felt proud of him, wanted him, wanted him just as he was, this child grows into adulthood with confidence and self-esteem. He goes forth in life feeling sure secure, strong, and able to lick what confronts him. If a child grows up in this unconditional acceptance atmosphere, he emerges strong and sure, and he can approach life and it vicissitudes with courage and confidence."

# Chapter 13: Our Community

One may ask if there are families who have raised brilliant children who have nurtured them from conception that have followed many of the suggestions and strategies expanded upon in the chapters of this book. Yes. I have known an abundant numbers of parents and families who have used many of these child-rearing practices both consciously and sub-consciously while raising their superior children. Many of them did not have the opportunity to go college and take educational courses or psychology courses; however, they wanted what was best for their children mentally, physically and socially.

May I give you examples of an extended family and significant others in the neighborhood I was raised who did their best to follow great child-rearing practices. Please allow me to tell you about a few of my personal observations and experiences of parents who possessed and applied great parenting skills. They provided love, care, nurture, encouragement and positive role models that made a positive and significant impact on the lives of their children.

There is a term used in education, sociology and anthropology named an ethnocentric perspective. An ethnocentric point of view is when an individual believes that his family, ways of life, traits, customs, morals, values, beliefs, and race are superior to others. This type of beliefs and thinking is permissible if you also allow others the same right and privilege to feel and behave in an ethnocentric way. I also believe all people and all races of people should be allowed to believe that their families, people and ways of life are superior. This allows other individuals to have pride, respect and dignity in themselves, their families and their ways of life along with their values, morals and religion.

With the above said and without trying to sound boastful, I would like to tell you about examples of families in the community I was raised. The following are a few specific positive parenting practices they employed in their effort to nurture and raise brilliant children. Mr. Medlin and Mrs. Iona are an example of a family who raised five brilliant children. They had two sons and three daughters. All five of their children graduated from high school, graduated from college and have been productively engaged in employment and reared their children into adulthood. The extended family of Mr. Medlin and Mrs. Iona has been great assets to their community.

The five children have a total of nine grandchildren and all of their grandchildren have completed high school and graduated and received a diploma from a four year university. The eldest great granddaughter of this family is on target to graduate from a four year college this spring. One of the children also has earned a doctoral degree. One of the grandchildren has also earned a doctoral degree.

It appears that all the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren have a quality education, gainfully employed and productive and contributing members to their respective communities. None of them are perfect or claim to be better than other people in their communities. Since birth the parents, grandparents, relatives and significant others have been actively engaged in teaching their children to act like ladies and gentlemen, to be respectful and display proper manners so that we would always make their fore-fathers proud for the next seven generations.

This family and their extended family were born in southeastern North Carolina in Robeson County. They lived in the Prospect Community near Preston Church on "Long Swamp." They love to tell people they were born in "God's Country." Robeson County is the home and birth-place of more than 100,000 Lumbee Indians who over the years have migrated to all states in the United States and many foreign countries. Robeson County is a tri-racial county with each of the three races making up approximately 33% of the total population. Robeson has historically been an economically deprived and rural farming county.

This family and extended family lived near each other on both the mother and father's side of the family in the Prospect Community. One set of grandparents lived on one side of "Long Swamp" and the other grandparents lived on the opposite side of "Long Swamp." They had many family members and extended family members and significant others living in the immediate community. The nuclear family, extended family and others were very influential and deserve positive credit for helping to raise the children and grandchildren.

This community and family embraced family morals, values and skills such as hard work, education, religion and the golden rule - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The parents, relatives and community leaders displayed positive parenting skills, modeled appropriate behavior, manners and attitudes. "They practiced what they preached."

Many of the families in our community were "share cropper" farmers. They did not own the farms they worked but the "land-lord" allowed them to tend the farm by planting the crops, cultivating the crops and harvesting the crops. At the end of the year the "land-lord" sold the crops and gave them half of the money after he deducted the money that he advanced to them to provide for the family until crops were sold.

The crops they grew were cotton, tobacco, corn and cucumbers. This was very hard work. It required lots of work from the time tobacco beds were planted in January until the last of the cotton and corn was picked and pulled in November. All the work was hard manual labor. This was before cotton pickers, tobacco harvesters and corn pullers were available for small poor farmers. Farming was very labor intensive.

In most cases families worked together and helped their neighbors and families harvest their crops. They would help their neighbors "put in their tobacco" and the neighbors would come and help them harvest their tobacco. This type of arrangement usually resulted in having to work six days a week to get each person's tobacco harvested over a period of 7-8 weeks.

Mothers were responsible for their own children's child care of infants, toddlers and pre-school children while they worked. They had to work on the farms out in the fields. In some cases the mothers made their own day-care facility in the cotton field. They would put the infant or toddler on the sheet of cotton at the end of the cotton patch. When the infant got hungry the mother would go to it and let it "suck" from her breast right there in the cotton patch.

Farm work and chores usually lasted from "sun-up to sun-down." On some occasions they had to work from "sun-up to dark-thirty." Dark-thirty is when you work until about 30 minutes past nightfall.

These families or extended families never worked on Sunday. Sunday was known as the "Lord's Day" and it was a time for going to church, giving thanks for their blessings. It was also a time for visiting with friends and relatives at church and thanking God for the opportunity and health to be able to go back to work and complete farming chores on Monday morning.

Farming, hard work and having to work in tobacco fields, corn fields, cotton fields and cucumber fields was the greatest motivation children, adolescents or high school students could ever receive. It was like going on vacation when all the farm work was complete and children could start attending school on a regular basis. During the first month of school the children had to be absent for many days due to harvesting the crops before winter. In the spring during the last month of school they also had to be absent from school to plant crops. Having to work on the farm usually required them to be absent from school at least one month each year.

Teachers and principals did not have to encourage farmers' sons and daughters to complete their assignments and behave properly. Students knew if they misbehaved or got into trouble at school the principal or teacher would contact their parents and they would "come and get you." The "coming and getting you" included a "killing" with a "switch" (A seasoned long slender branch out of a tree) or a "belt strap." The belt was about three inches wide and about forty inches long which held the man's pants up. This was not child abuse or physically scaring a child for life but it was the ultimate "attitude adjustment."

The whipping was not as effective to help "get your mind right" as having to go to that 50 acre cotton field and start picking cotton with a cotton sack on your back. Each stalk of cotton had about 50 burs filled with cotton. You had to pull the cotton from each of those 50 burs on each stalk of cotton. The fifty acres of cotton probably had more than 10 million stalks of cotton and the cotton had to be pulled from each bur one at a time. An experience like this was the "ultimate attitude adjustment."

Being the son of a share-cropper and working on the farm motivated farmers' children to strive to get an education so they would not have to pick cotton again when we grew up. It was such a good motivator that almost all children in this family graduated from high school. Many of the children continued school and received master's degrees and two children earned doctors' degrees. One son wanted to go farther with his education past the doctorial degree but he was ashamed to spend more time in school. People might think he was lazy. However, this son earned enough degrees that he thought he would never have to pick cotton, put in tobacco, pull corn or pick cucumbers again.

However, his daddy was "wiser than an owl." He continued farming after his sons and daughters started teaching school. He would wait until Saturday to "put in" his tobacco. It was understood that his children would be there to help. I have never heard any of this man's children say no to him when he made a request to them. He stood about six foot two inches tall and I have never seen him dressed without his infamous belt on his britches. I would wager a bet with anyone that he is the only father in North Carolina who had 5 college graduate children who taught school during the week and helped their father put in tobacco on a Saturday.

The child rearing practices and techniques used by this family and other families in our community during that time period were very effective and efficient in the parent's efforts to rear quality children and adults. During the time from birth to adulthood parents used their "common sense" and "natural instincts" to raise their children into adulthood to be brilliant and virtuous.

Parents in our community wanted to insure that their children would become adults who would possess proper morals, values, skills, attitudes, and good work ethics to insure they could care for the next generation. With the help of the good Lord, prayer, family, extended family and community support, parents were able to rear, foster and cultivate brilliant children.

They didn't know the term "self-fulfilling prophecy" when they were talking to their children and encouraging them to become great individuals. They didn't know the term "looking glass self" where children develop a sense of self by other's perception of them but the parents and all significant others were always positive and supportive. They didn't know the terms positive self-concepts, self-esteem, or positive self-image, however, they were always supporting, encouraging and fostering their children to work hard to reach their dreams.

However, they did have an enormous amount of "unconditional love," support, and care for their children. They were continuously involved in the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of their children from infancy to adulthood.

The children in many of the families in our community had the tremendous advantage of growing up in a home with a nuclear Family. There was support, nurturing and encouragement from the father, mother, grandparents, relatives and significant others who were involved with the care, nurture and the enculturation process.

In our community parents, grandparents, extended family and significant others were excellent care givers and had a huge influence in the lives of their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Two of the most important and significant tools parents used were unconditional love and teaching children to become super readers at a very early age. These child rearing practices had a tremendous positive impact on the lives of children in our community. They also taught their children morals, values and skills. They also stressed hard work, education, religion and the golden rule - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." These types of values, morals, work ethic and attitudes can also make a positive impact on other families who want to raise brilliant children in all communities across America.

There is going to be a special place in Heaven for quality mothers and fathers who "went above and beyond the call of duty" in their efforts to rear brilliant and accomplished children from conception to adulthood.

# Chapter 14: Summary

The most important responsibility and task in an adult person's life is procreation or passing their genes on to the next generation. This should be a planned process and not left to chance or the result of poor planning. This process of rearing a brilliant child requires much planning, preparation and nurturing. Brilliant children are nurtured from conception; however, thoughtful consideration and planning should also begin before conception to insure the necessary resources both physical and human are in place to provide for your future exceptional child.

Parents are the most important teachers in the education of their children mentally, physically, socially and emotionally in the process to rear a brilliant, talented and exceptional child from conception to adulthood. The parents, grandparents, teachers and significant others should work cooperatively as they help to nurture a child to adulthood through each stage and developmental tasks encountered in life. The process of creating brilliant positive and motivated children is a combination of the efforts of a host of people. Some of the most significant players in this process are parents, family, teachers, schools, religious leaders and the community one lives.

Many educators and psychologists believe that during the prenatal, early childhood, toddlers and pre-school ages are most critical times in the developmental processes in the lives of children. Some believe that by the age of 6 years of age a child has learned about 80% of the information it will learn throughout its lifetime. By the age of six years old a child has acquired the foundation for most of their basic values, morals, attitudes, and their view of the world. These are extremely important years to nurture and foster your talented child with the proper foundation as they grow from birth through adulthood.

In this book, _Brilliant Children Nurtured from Conception_ , the author has tried to provide information and an overview of proven techniques, principals and human development processes about how to rear brilliant children. It includes suggestions about ways to help parents, future parents, grandparents and significant others to nurture the next generation of children to become quality citizens for our families and our communities.

The suggestions contained in this book come from the research findings of experts in education, medicine, human development, psychology, psychiatry, sociology and anthropology. It is also patterned from parents who were successful in raising their offspring to become model children, adolescents and adults who were also excellent students. The information contained in this book is an overview of important information, techniques, procedures, dos and don'ts, and food for thought to help parents and future parents conceive, nurture and rear quality children.

The information in this book can be very helpful in rearing your gifted children, grandchildren or others. It can be used to improve the lives of your children, your family, friends, neighbors, and other special people in your circle of friends. It is very important to realize that it is never too early to plan and prepare for children to develop into brilliant people during each stage of development. It is also never too late to begin remedial help if needed in the developmental process. The principles contained in this book can have universal applications for helping to improve your families and communities.

People who are thinking about having a child or plan to increase the size of their family should plan and spend much time in preparation before conception. It is very important to plan for this historic and miraculous event. Much time and effort should be devoted to planning before for the pregnancy. Another important consideration in deciding to have a baby is to make certain that both future parents are in total agreement about their desire and readiness to have a child.

The process from conception through childbirth is considered by many to be "Life's Greatest Miracle." It is nine months of continuous miracles occurring repeatedly. There are many activities taking place inside the mother's body that can positively or negatively affect the baby both mentally, physically, socially, emotionally and intellectually. This is a most critical time in the development of the child as well as the mother and father.

The things that parents do during the time from conception through childbirth can tremendously improve a child's chances of becoming a gifted child and person. It is very important that the mother receive superior health care, perfect diet and supplements, rest, exercise, little stress, emotional support and keep a positive self-concept and a positive attitude. Childbirth is the process where a child is born after 9 months of pregnancy and the child is delivered from the mother's uterus into the world.

There are hosts of contributing factors that help the infant to grow from birth to a toddler which influence him or her mentally, physically, socially, emotionally and spiritually. From birth to toddlerhood may be the most important years in your child's life because the kid is forming its self-concept about its environment, its family, relatives, friends and significant others.

During the years from birth to toddlers extra special attention and efforts should be made to help the child build positive self-esteem and a positive self-concept. All people involved with the nurture and child-rearing process should do everything in their power to ensure that only positive words, actions and deeds are always positive and encouraging toward the child. A short list of these types of things should be love, hugs, smiles, praises, songs, compliments, touching, holding, cuddling, acceptance, warmth, positive talk, encouragement and listening.

The transition from early childhood to toddler often results in what has been termed "The Terrible Twos." With proper information and proper guidance "The Terrible Twos" and "Awful Threes" will not be a problem. They should be called "The Wonderful Twos and Threes." I suggest to you that "The Terrible Twos" and "Awful Threes" are a myth.

During this time the two year olds are undergoing major motor, intellectual, social and emotional changes. Some of the major developmental accomplishments toddlers achieve during these years are increased mobility, new self awareness and the onset of language. As your child moves from infancy to toddlerhood, physical, emotional and cognitive changes occur at a rapid pace. They begin crawling, then walking, and running, and "getting into everything." The built-in feelings of interest and curiosity are now unleashed, and the exploratory urges of the toddler are in high gear.

Parents who want to bring up their child or children to be gifted and exceptional should remember to be patient, consistent and supportive as you guide your children through each developmental stage during these "Wonderful Twos" and "Wonderful Threes."

One of the most important tasks parents and caregivers can work toward is to help their child begin the process of learning to read early. Learning to read is a crucial step in children's lives and education because those who fare poorly in the early grades of school are unlikely to catch up with their more skilled classmates.

Preschool children are ages 3-5 years old. This is a time that children can talk to the parents and they can better communicate with each other and enjoy one another's company. Preschool kids now tackle new challenges and opportunities as they explore and test their physical, behavioral, emotional and educational limits.

This is a very important time in the developmental process of rearing brilliant children because it is a time of rapid growth mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. The pre-school years may present the greatest opportunities to positively influence your talented son or daughter to become a brilliant person. Almost every minute of the day and night offers quality teachable moments for you to positively influence your child.

Your child will be exploring their world inside the home and outside the home. They are constantly trying to understand their world and how everything fits and works together. Appreciate and take advantage of all teachable moments because mommy, daddy and significant others are experts in the eyes of your child on everything they confront. This attitude and respect may not last forever.

The preschool years are very active times for young children. They are becoming more independent and they are actively exploring the world around them in new ways. Preschool children are growing more mature physically, socially, emotionally and intellectually as they learn much by imitating their parents and other children. They are becoming more mature and are not as dependent on parents.

Three, four and five year-olds make significant mental or cognitive strides during these years. It is important to provide a wide variety of educational tools to help your child to grow mentally, physically, socially, emotionally and spiritually during this time. The preschool years is an excellent time to teach your cleaver child to be well mannered, respectful and well behaved toward themselves, other children, parents and all people they interact with.

Kindergarten and elementary school is an extremely important time of life during the ages 5–12. The beginning of formal school is a very important, exciting and a delightful time in the lives of children and parents. Getting a great start from the very beginning of the formal educational process is extremely important for the continuation of the foundation that you the parents have laid down for your child since birth.

Once you have chosen an outstanding school and your child is enrolled in classes, it is important that you and your child work cooperatively with the school in striving for academic excellence. Your skillful student should be a hard worker, motivated to be successful, well mannered, respectful, involved in school work, participate in extra-curricular activities, a problem solver, trustworthy and become a leader if the opportunity arises.

It is also very important that you as a parent of an accomplished child attending school should be a contributing member of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA). You need to be greatly involved with the school and support it in every way you can.

Corporal punishment or spanking should be one of the options parents and school staff has available and use to keep or restore order to insure proper behavior, respect, and cooperation exist in our homes, schools and society. Spankings should be a resource to insure peace, harmony, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Spanking an unruly child or student should not be the last resort to get them to behave properly, act mannerly and be respectful. In many cases it should be used early before a child or student gets "too far out of line" and disrupts other students' education. An undisciplined child may influence others to also misbehave by imitating the behavior of the misbehaving person.

Spanking is very effective and efficient if handled properly and in moderation. It delivers immediate results, does not cause any long term side effects, a great motivator, improves conduct and greatly decreases disruptions to the educational learning process, home and society.

A spanking may help improve other children and students behavior in the immediate area. If they know a classmate has just been spanked or about to be paddled it may cause them to be better behaved, act more mannerly, more respectful and more obedient.

Homes and schools in our nation would be greatly improved if spanking and corporal punishment were used more frequently to deter unruly behavior. It has been a great tool to get and retain proper conduct and proper attitudes for thousands of years with excellent results.

Getting a great start in middle/junior high school is extremely important for the continuation of the proper foundation that you the parents have laid down for your child. Middle schools or junior high schools are schools which children attend between elementary school and secondary school. These years are about the midpoint in children's formal education before the completion of high school.

Middle school and junior high school years are from about ages 10-15. These are very important years for your brilliant and intelligent child. However, the middle/junior high years may be a great challenge to you and your child. This is a stage in your children's lives that they are going through puberty and adolescence. These teenage years and adolescence are often portrayed as a stressful time for both the parents and teens. Research demonstrates that teens undergo a number of rapid developmental adjustments including biological, cognitive, emotional and social changes on their way to becoming adults during this time.

There is phenomenal growth occurring at this time in the lives of the children that presents unique challenges for parents and the children themselves. This is a time when young people are very impressionable and they are forming values and making decisions that will impact them through adulthood. This impressionable age for development places additional responsibility and stress upon students and parents.

During this stage of life students experience more developmental growth mentally, physically and socially than any other stage in their lives with the exception of infancy. Parents will see the physical changes and experience the emotional and social dilemmas of puberty and adolescence occurring in their children during these school years. During this time your child will be experiencing some exciting times and some very difficult challenges.

Youth during this time are having some major changes in their lives both mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. These rapid and dramatic growth and changes to their body have major issues for both the child and parents. Rapid increases are occurring in height, weight, and body chemistry along with rapid sexual development.

Your child will generally desire more autonomy and crave social acceptance and more interaction with their classmates. They will begin to interact and be more interested in the opposite sex. Middle and junior high school students are seeking to find out who they are as a unique individual. These middle/junior high school years can be extremely difficult and trying times for the child and the parents. During these years, it is very important that you help your child to continue to develop a positive self-concept and high self-esteem.

Peers, friends and significant others become an important influence on behavior during adolescence. Peer pressure often has a dramatic and negative influence on students during the middle/junior high years of attendance in school. It is very important that your talented and skillful student not be adversely influenced by their friends and classmates because of peer pressure.

Entering high school can be a very rewarding time and it can also be a very challenging time for your son or daughter as well as you the parent. The high schools years will be the culmination or climax of the years of hard work and effort to mold your talented youngster into a brilliant person who are rapidly growing into adulthood. This is a time when your son or daughter continues to rapidly mature mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. Many times they act like adults one minute and the next minute they behave and think like children. These years offer many challenges and rewards for you and your youngster as they explore the new worlds of opportunities and the responsibilities of high school.

High school students are undergoing a number of rapid developmental adjustments including biological, cognitive, emotional and social changes on their way to becoming adults. The teenagers and the parents may not be prepared or ready for all the changes and developments that are simultaneously occurring or about to occur.

During this time adolescent students may be highly idealistic, defiant, and independent. Their friends' opinions and influences may be more important than logic, good sense and parental suggestions

These high school years can be very troubling times for your adolescent children and you the parent; however, you must keep faith in your brilliant child you have been nurturing and caring for since conception. You have to believe that all the efforts you have put forth to teach them knowledge, values, skills, morals, manners and respect for themselves and others have been internalized and they will do the right thing. It is also very important that you continue to love your child unconditionally and show this love with encouragement, advice, praise and support while you set limits on behaviors.

High school and adolescent years are very important times to continue to help your brilliant son or daughter to continue to build positive self-concept and a positive self-image. However, the most important things your child learns in high school and all other grades in school are the academic skills and knowledge to be successful in life. The primary purpose of schools is to educate our youth with knowledge, values and skills. Fundamentals must come first. It is very important to remember that learning academic skills and having a positive self-image complement each other. However, children in school who cannot read their textbooks and do their assignments are in a "poor state of affairs" even if their self-concept is excellent and they believe they are the "best thing since ice cream."

"I am particular sensitive to the importance of caring, love, encouragement, and praise from those whose lives touch others. Encouragement and praise growing out of love and caring have the power to change a life and that life can in turn change others." (Norman Vincent Peale)

# Chapter 15: Fun Education Quotes

"When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once  
heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for just one day!"  
Milton Berle

"America's future walks through the doors of our schools each day."  
Mary Jean Le Tendre

"There must be such a thing as a child with average ability; but,  
you can't find a parent who will admit that it is his child."  
Thomas Bailey

"Back in the old days, it was the student rather than the teacher  
who had to explain why they could not read."  
Cy N. Peace

"Knowledge is like money. If you keep quiet about it,  
people will think you've got more than you have."  
Anonymous

"When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble."  
Mark Twain

"Nothing grieves a child more than to study the wrong lesson  
and learn something he wasn't supposed to.'  
E.C. McKenzie

"Some students drink at the fountain of  
knowledge. Others just gargle."  
E.C. McKenzie

"Schoolteachers are not fully appreciated by  
parents until it rains all day Saturday."  
E. C. McKenzie

"Sign on a High School bulletin board in Dallas:  
Free every Monday through Friday--  
knowledge. Bring your own containers."  
E. C. McKenzie

"A good education is the next best thing to a pushy mother."  
Charles Shultz (Peanuts)

"I was raised in a small town. It was so small that our school taught  
driver education and sex education in the same car."  
Mary Sue Terry

"I'm not rushing into being in love.  
I'm finding 4th Grade hard enough."  
Regina - Age10

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."  
Tommy, Age 5

"It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!"  
Milton Berle

"One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immersing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.  
Milton Berle

"The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up  
and it doesn't stop until you get to school."  
Milton Berle

"For every student with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble."  
Milton Berle

'"Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future  
is theirs---is that a promise or a threat?"  
Milton Berle

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten."  
B.F. Skinner

"Education will broaden a narrow mind, but there is no known cure for a big head."  
J. Graham

"It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others - and less trouble."  
Mark Twain

"Teaching consists of equal parts perspiration, inspiration and resignation."  
Susan Ohanian

"If you think education is expensive --- try ignorance!"  
Derek Bok

"My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory."  
Henry Youngman

"I quit school in the 5th Grade because of pneumonia.  
Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it."  
Rocky Graziano

"A great teacher never strives to explain his vision.  
He simply invites you to stand beside him and see for yourself."  
R. Inman

"The toughest thing about homework is getting mom and pop  
to agree on the same answer."  
Joey Adams

"No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book."  
Edgar Watson Howe

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover  
that your high school class is running the country."  
Kurt Vonnegut

"A Minneapolis, Minnesota high school teacher hung this sign  
under the clock in her classroom. "Time will pass...Will you?"  
James E. Myers

"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going,  
because you might not get there."  
Yogi Bera

"A teacher is a person who used to think he liked children."  
Joey Adams

"Teachers can change lives with just the right mix of chalk and challenges."  
Joyce A. Myers

"Teaching has ruined more American novelists thank drink."  
Gore Vidal

"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."  
Will Rogers

"We need programs that will teach athletes how to spell  
"jump shot" rather than how to shoot it."  
Larry Hawkins

"Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education  
is progressive discovery of our own ignorance."  
Will Durant

"Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign  
your name you'd have to pay cash."  
Rita Mae Brown

"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra.  
In real life, I assure you, there is no such a thing as algebra."  
Fran Leibowitz

"Education is...hanging around until you've caught on."  
Robert Frost

A 5 year old's definition of nursery school:  
"A place where they teach children who hit, not to hit,  
and children who don't hit, to hit back."  
James E. Myers

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."  
Tennyson

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."  
Thomas Dewar

"Children have more need of models than of critics."  
Joubert

"Puberty is the period when students stop asking questions  
and begin to question answers."  
Anonymous

"There is only one thing that costs more than  
education today, the lack of it."  
Anonymous

"If the cost of education continues to raise, education  
will become as expensive as ignorance."  
Phi Delta Kappan

"Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more."  
Evan Esar

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell  
where his influence stops."  
Henry Brooks Adams

"You send a boy to school in order to make friends--the right sort."  
Virginia Wolf

"There is a brilliant child locked inside every student."  
Marva Collins

"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior  
teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires."  
William Arthur Ward

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"  
John Mendosa.

"Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one  
day with a great teacher."  
Japanese proverb

"Information is the currency of democracy."  
Ralph Nader

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.  
Anyone who keeps learning stays young."  
Henry Ford"

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops."  
Henry B. Adams

"In a completely rational society, the best of us would be teachers  
and the rest of us would have to settle for something less."  
Lee Iacocca

"I was asked to memorize what I did not understand; and, my memory  
being so good, it refused to be insulted in that manner."  
Aleister Crowley

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."  
William Butler Yeats

"The function of the child is to live his own life - not the life  
that his anxious parents think he should live."  
A.S. Neil

"What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to the soul."  
Joseph Addison

"The only dumb question is the question you don't ask."  
Paul MacCready

"You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page  
and feel a little as if you have lost a friend."  
Paul Sweeney

"An intellectual is someone who has found  
something more interesting than sex."  
Edgar Wallace.

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching  
them to walk and talk, and the next twelve years  
telling them to sit down and shut up."  
Phyllis Diller

"Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid  
when it's the kids who have to do all the work."  
Milton Berle

"Education will broaden a narrow mind,  
but there is no known cure for a big head."  
J. Graham

# Chapter 16: Food for Thought

**Persistence**

Portrait of an Achiever

\- Failed in Business – Bankruptcy, 1831

\- Defeated for Legislature, 1832

\- Sweetheart/Fiancée Dies, 1835

\- Nervous Breakdown, 1836

\- Defeated in Election, 1836

\- Defeated for U.S. Congress, 1843

\- Defeated again for U.S. Congress, 1846

\- Defeated once again for U.S. Congress, 1848

\- Defeated for U.S. Senate, 1855

\- Defeated for U.S. Vice President, 1856

\- Defeated again for U.S. Senate, 1858

Who was it?

ABRAHAM LINCOLN, elected 16th president of the United States in 1860.

**Moral of the story:** You cannot fail unless you quit!

Who's to Blame for Students not Achieving in School?

The college professor said: Such rawness in a student is a shame; lack of preparation in high school is to blame.

The high school teacher said, Good heavens! That boy's a fool. The fault, of course, is with the middle school.

The middle school teacher said: From stupidity may I be spared. They sent him in so unprepared.

The primary teacher huffed: Kindergarten blockheads all. They call that preparation? Why it's worse than none at all.

The kindergarten teacher said: Such a lack of training never did I see. What kind of woman must that mother be?

The mother said: Poor helpless child. He's not to blame. His father's people were all the same.

The father at the end of the line said: I doubt the rascal's even mine.

**Moral of story** \- Stop making excuses and help all of our students become excellent students. Being an excellent reader is one of the first and best ways for all students to be successful.

Kind Words

One day a teacher asked her students to list all the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in their papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual student.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another.

That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin.

The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

God's Creation of Teachers

The Good Lord was creating teachers. It was His sixth day of 'overtime' and He knew that this was a tremendous responsibility for teachers would touch the lives of so many impressionable young children.

An angel appeared to Him and said, "You are taking a long time to figure this one out." "Yes," said the Lord, "but have you read the specs on this order?"

TEACHER:

must stand above all students, yet be on their level.

must be able to do 180 things not connected with the subject being taught.

must run on coffee, coke and leftovers.

must communicate vital knowledge to all students daily and be right most of the time.

must have more time for others than for herself/himself.

must have a smile that can endure through pay cuts, problematic children, and worried parents.

must go on teaching when parents question every move and others are not supportive.

must have 6 pair of hands.

"Six pair of hands," said the angel, "that's impossible."

"Well," said the Lord, "it is not the hands that are the problem. It is the three pairs of eyes that are presenting the most difficulty!"

The angel looked incredulous, "Three pairs of eyes on a standard mode!?"

The Lord nodded His head, "One pair can see a student for what he is and not what others have labeled him as. Another pair of eyes is in the back of the teacher's head to see what should not be seen, but what must be known. The eyes in the front are only to look at the child as he/she 'acts out' in order to reflect, "I understand and I still believe in you," without so much as saying a word to the child."

"Lord," said the angel, "this is a very large project and I think you should work on it tomorrow."

"I can't," said the Lord, "for I have come very close to creating something much like myself. I have one that comes to work when he/she is sick.....teaches a class of children that do not want to learn....has a special place in his/her heart for children who are not his/her own.....understands the struggles of those who have difficulty....never takes the students for granted..."

The angel looked closely at the model the Lord was creating. "It is too soft-hearted," said the angel."

"Yes," said the Lord, "but also tough. You cannot imagine what this teacher can endure or do, if necessary."

"Can this teacher think?" asked the angel.

"Not only think," said the Lord, "but reason and compromise."

The angel came closer to have a better look at the model and ran his finger over the teacher's cheek. "Well, Lord," said the angel, "your job looks fine but there is a leak. I told you that you were putting too much into this model. You cannot imagine the stress that will be placed upon the teacher."

The Lord moved in closer and lifted the drop of moisture from the teacher's cheek. It shone and glistened in the light. "It is not a leak," He said, "It is a tear."

"A tear, what is that?" asked the angel, "What is a tear for?"

The Lord replied with great thought, "It is for the joy and pride of seeing a child accomplish even the smallest task. It is for the loneliness of children who have a hard time to fit in and it is for compassion for the feelings of their parents. It comes from the pain of not being able to reach some children and the disappointment those children feel in themselves. It comes often when a teacher has been with a class for a year and must say good-bye to those students and get ready to welcome a new class."

"My," said the angel, "The tear thing is a great idea...You are a genius!"

The Lord looked somber and said, "I didn't put it there."

Author Unknown

You Can Be A Reading Instructor

The essence of what you need to know to teach reading with phonics information can be expressed "on the back of an envelope":

Arrow Educational Products, Inc

www.ArrowInc.com

# About the Authors

DR. REGINALD OXENDINE SR. was a former college professor for twelve years who taught education, sociology and anthropology classes. He also worked in the public schools as a teacher and principal. He earned an Educational Doctorial Degree from NC State University. He is currently co-owner of Arrow Educational Products. Our company developed _Literacy Reading Voyages_ \- A Virtual Learning Site – to help children and adults improve reading and literacy skills. Our company has also developed other educational products to help improve literacy and education. Dr. Oxendine has also formed a non-profit foundation - American Indians Solutions - to assist in health, education, and welfare of the people of our region and state. He is married to Peggy Oxendine. They are the proud parents of two children – Micah and Reginald Jr.

DR. REGINALD OXENDINE JR. has been a public school teacher, a computer consultant, director of instructional technology, a college professor and currently is a public school administrator. He graduated from East Carolina University with an earned Educational Doctorial Degree in Educational Leadership. He is also co-owner of Arrow Educational Products. He has been actively involved with reading literacy training for children and adults across our nation. He is married to Lisa Silver Oxendine. They are the proud parents of three children – Jessica, Adrianna and Zackary.

Arrow Educational Products, Inc

www.ArrowInc.com

