When a news story falls
through the cracks,
Lewis Black catches it for
a segment we call Back in Black.
-♪ ♪
-(cheering, applause)
You know,
America has been blessed
with some top-notch diseases.
Swine flu, bird flu,
and, of course,
pizza rat chlamydia.
I've had 'em all!
Well, good news--
now we're even more blessed,
because one of America's
classic diseases
is making a comeback!
Right now,
the U.S. is experiencing
its worst measles outbreak
 since 2014,
with 349 cases in 26 states
 in the past year.
NEWSMAN: 
 Measles is no laughing matter.
Measles can kill and...
MAN: It is exquisitely
 contagious, so...
you can be in a room
where somebody with measles
had left two hours earlier
and still get the disease.
(chuckles) Measles can survive
in a room for two hours?
There's not enough
hand sanitizer in the world.
(laughter, groans)
You can never be too careful.
That was vodka, by the way.
I hide it in Purell bottles
so I can drink it in public.
(laughter)
But yes, the measles are back
like a New Kids on the Block
reunion tour--
no one asked for it,
and no one's happy to see it.
(laughter)
I thought measles were Dark Ages
crap we successfully eliminated
from the planet, like the dodo.
If you say you're a bird,
but you can't fly,
you're a liar!
How did this happen?
Modern medicine had
pretty much eradicated measles,
but it turns out science is
no match for its greatest foe--
idiots.
This month,
the World Health Organization
called the anti-vaccine movement
a major threat to public health.
NEWSMAN: Hundreds rallied
 to preserve their right
not to vaccinate
 their children.
-It is highly contagious.
-Yes, it is.
Perhaps one of the most
contagious diseases out there.
-Yes, it is.
-Are you afraid you're
-putting your child at risk?
 -No, I don't feel like
I'm putting my child at risk.
There's nothing that's
gonna change my mind on this,
on that specific vaccination.
MAN: If you read the fine print,
 I'm sure somewhere
it says, you know, there is
a possible fatal outcome there,
(chuckling): some possible
fatal consequences,
and that gets you
a little worried.
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
I love morons!
If you read the fine print--
well, actually, I've read
the fine print of measles,
and you know what
the side effects include?
-Dying of (bleep) measles!
-(laughter)
So where did these dummies
get these dumb ideas?
The same place that wants you
to believe your miserable aunt
and closeted uncle
are actually happy:
the Internet.
But social media
are finally starting
to get their act together.
NEWSMAN: Facebook said:
 "We've taken steps
"to reduce the distribution of
 health-related misinformation
on Facebook, but we know
 we have more to do."
NEWSWOMAN:
 Pinterest is blocking searches
related to vaccinations.
The social media company says
 it wants to curb the spread
of misinformation.
Most shared images on Pinterest
 relating to vaccinations
advise against them.
Who the (bleep) is getting their
health information on Pinterest?
That's where you're supposed
to plan weddings
and find tacky home decor.
Then again, on Pinterest,
you can find tips
on how not
to vaccinate your kid,
and then find
the perfect headstone
-for your un-vaccinated kid.
-(laughter, groans)
Oh, shut up!
I'm up to date on my shots.
I don't hear your ooh's.
Look, this isn't a debate.
Vaccines are safe.
The anti-vaxxers put
the rest of us at risk.
So get your shots!
And find a new conspiracy theory
that won't hurt anyone.
We don't even care
how crazy it is.
You can think the Earth is flat
and that Tupac is still alive
and lives underneath
the flat Earth,
like a '90s hip-hop troll.
(laughter, applause)
Just leave us out of it!
And if that doesn't work,
we'll have to fall back
on the same plan B we use
for everything these days:
get the kids to save us.
High school senior
Ethan Lindenberger says
 his parents' misguided beliefs
about his health and the health
 of his younger siblings
put them at risk.
He recently defied his mother
 and got vaccinated.
NEWSWOMAN: Lindenberger
 thought it was normal
for most kids
 not to get immunized,
but about two years ago,
he began to see how
 the posts about vaccines
his own mother was sharing
 on social media were dangerous.
In November, Lindenberger
 asked strangers on Reddit
where he could go to get
 up to date with his shots.
"My parents are
 kind of stupid," he wrote.
"God knows
 how I'm still alive."
(laughter)
He had to vaccinate himself?
Imagine you're in a bedroom
with a syringe,
then your mom walks in
and screams,
"Is that a vaccine?!"
"No, Mom, it's heroin.
I swear!"
Look, vaccines are
a public good,
and I'm willing to do my part
to end this epidemic of stupid.
So for any kids
or teens out there
whose parents
won't let them get their shots,
here's my offer.
I will adopt you.
(laughter)
Will I be a good father?
No! I'll gamble
your college fund,
I'll hit on all your girlfriends
 and boyfriends.
And did I mention...
I drink vodka
from a Purell bottle.
(laughter)
But I'd still be better
than anti-vaxxer parents.
My adopted kids
would need therapy,
but at least they'd be alive.
-Trevor.
-Lewis Black, everyone!
