Good Morning John, and all of the rest of
you
I come to you now from this familiar vestibule
With advice for the graduates of college and
high school
A familiar format, the well meaning nice tool
Who'll grant you this, a afternoon's savor
For cash or a favor, food with no flavor
Inspiring advice for the next few days
You'll do well, have some of this Kool-Aid.
It's time, you must bite of the cherry of
life
It'll taste like fear and hope and Diet Coke
and rainbows
But don't be surprised when the pain grows
Cause this's kinda gonna suck, but you can't
abstain though
There is no "do not"
There's no effin try
There's no "I don't wanna"
If you don't like it, then die
Well no, I'm not condoning suicide
I'm just trying to be motivational
A little overly sensational
You get it, I'm sure
So I abjure
Oh, you don't know what abjure means?
Maybe you're not as prepared as you seem
It's like rejecting an error but with, like,
a bit extra care
I'm pretty sure they should've taught you
that
I'm making a point here, and it's that you
don't know jack
The best of you can hope to have been taught
to learn
To yearn for more that you'll still have to
earn
Cause you're not ending learning, you're ending
this one structure
And yeah, I'm starting to sound like a schmuck,
sure
But you're gonna keep learning, one way or
the other
Whether it's how to make change or be someone's
mother
Or make music or coffee or toffee or spreadsheets
Or hotels or laws or websites or bed sheets.
And don't you dare think "But I majored in
lit; I won't do that sh[beep]"
Well I majored in chemistry, what did I do
with it?
I make videos for nerds, I'm an entrepreneur
I taught myself 90% of what I've learned
And that's normal, it's boring, it's average,
but it's true
And for most of you hearing this, it'll be
true for you too
And it should be, if it's not, then that life's
hardly real
And it's scary, sure, be wary, but deal
Insecurity is something that you're always
going to feel
So the deep dark yawning pit of the next step
of your life
Might look like a fall, but it could be a
flight
And who knows, that pit might be filled with
ice cream
And you might be lactose intolerant, but you
get what I mean
Or maybe pain and failure is all that's awaiting
you
I'm just baiting you.
Whether your facing hell or a festival
My point here, right now, is grab it by the
testicle.
Make it your bitch! This is all that you've
got!
Your one shot, it's short, it's actually probably
not
But while you grab life by the balls, be careful
with people
Don't be a creep or you might find a deep
hole
Success might be however you define it
But if you define it wrong, you're never gonna
find it.
Or even if you do, it'll suck to know
that you got there at the expense of those
who you love, or would have, if you'd ever
even tried
Because it's not he who has the most toys
when he died
It's just life, and if you're not at least
trying to be happy, then why?
So ONE you don't know jack, TWO be nice to
others.
Whether you become executives, or barristas
or stay-at-home mothers
And finally, have fun, Okay that's all, I
think I'm done
And that was a pretty good denouement
So I'll see you on Wednesday, John.
