"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life's
longing for itself. They come through you,
but not from you. And though they are
with you, yet they belong not to you."
Kahlil Gibran wrote those words in his
epic book, "The Prophet". I always agree.
I try, as a parent, to guide my kids,
but not to control them. And
then at Mindvalley University,
I got to learn from Dr. Shefali Tsabary.
She wrote an amazing series of books
on conscious parenting and has
been on "Oprah" numerous times.
Shefali pushed us all to see
parenting in a totally different way.
What I learned from her is that we need
to see our kids as spiritual beings
having a human experience. Our job is
to guide them, but not to make decisions
for them. Too many of us, and I've
been guilty of this too, give them
our thoughts. We implant in them our
religions, our philosophies, our world
views. Shefali says, "Let your children
decide for themselves. You can teach them
about the beauty of Estonia or Indian
culture, but let them know that there are
other cultures out there and don't suggest
that your religion or your culture or your
nation has it all figured out.
All of this is nothing more than
a mentally-constructed form," she
says. In reality, we are beyond nations,
religions, and cultures. We are spirit.
As Gibran says in the continuation
of that poem, "You may give them
your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies,
but not their souls. For their
souls dwell in the house
of tomorrow. Which you cannot
visit -- not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them.
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backwards.
Nor carries with yesterday."
As I listen to Shefali, she
echoed the wisdom of Gibran
so eloquently and I started to understand
Gibran in a whole different way.
And a few weeks ago, I shared
a photo of my two kids wading
in the low tide of Stroomi beach in
Tallinn, Estonia, this summer as the
sun sets. The entire message resonated
with me. Then it hit me that my children
certainly do not belong to me. What
are your views on parenting as you
hear these messages from Shefali Tsabary
and Kahlil Gibran? How do you see them?
How do you parent? Do you agree or
disagree? We'd love to know your thoughts.
Share in the comments below.
