

**Hiding From Seagulls**

By John Wallis,

Edited by Adrian Finney

Copyright 2013 by John Wallis

Smashwords Edition

***

* * *

#  Dedication

George "Freshney" Mumby

1935 – 2008

My Grandad. Gone but never, ever forgotten.

* * *

#  Contents

#Table Of Contents

#Dedication

#Prologue

#An Almost Normal Day

#Three Children & A Man-Teddy

#An Infinite Man Bear & A Lesson About Money

#The Way Neither Back Nor Forward

#The Elephant Man

#Unclassified And Dangerous

#The Owl Couple's Guest House

#Hiding From Seagulls

#The Bloodsuckers Are Coming

#The Choice Not To Run

#Back At The Guest House

#Intermission

#The Snowmen

#The End Game Begins

#The North Pole

#The Man of Christmas

#In A One-Horse Open Sleigh

#The Last Ride

#Defeat At The Hands Of A Duchess

#Doing Time in the Sandcastle

#Believe In Impossible Things

#Introducing-The Forbidden Window Hiding From Seagulls Book Two

#Prologue A world rebooted

#  Prologue

The hot, sugary, tea tasted good. I watched Mr Huntington, or Geoff as I knew him, looking at me through those tired green eyes which were peeking over the top of his newspaper. Mrs Huntington sipped her tea.

"So have you got anything new to tell me?" Geoff asked.

It was the same question he asked every visit.

Geoff had been a friend of my families for my whole life and, despite being old, he was one of my best friends. I had been visiting him regularly since my mother had said I was old enough to leave our street and venture out across the two zebra crossings. Geoff got regular updates on everything from my friends at school to my newest video game and he got to know whether he wanted to or not.

Some of my friends said it was not so good to spend so much time with an old man. But most of the time and despite the cardigans Geoff was cool. Mrs Huntington was cool as well in her own way. While Geoff and I talked she spent most of the time making endless cups of tea or knitting. Once or twice I saw that she had fallen to sleep.

You have probably picked up this book and are wondering why I am telling you about Geoff and sleepy Mrs Huntington. He is not a seagull and he doesn't seem all that adventurous.

The book promised adventure right?

I am telling you about Geoff because he is the only other person who knows the story I am about to tell you. I told him about my travels over cups of tea in his small living room that smelt of chips two crossings from my house. The words you read here are almost exactly what I told him.

So back to Geoff who was sat in the same brown battered old chair waiting. He was expecting no doubt to hear about what my friend Dave and I had been doing in school, which teachers we liked, which we didn't and which we thought were just plain weird. Geoff liked hearing about my life and he once told me it was far more interesting than any of the programs Mrs Huntington watched on the television.

Today I did want to tell him about school but that wasn't the reason I had visited. It was odd he had asked me what was new. After the travelling everything seemed new. I could not find a good place to begin.

I started the conversation by asking him a question.

"When did you believe in impossible things Geoff?"

He turned his nose up and his forehead wrinkled into a frown pushing his glasses back up against his eyes.

"You mean fairytale stuff. Goblins, troll's and suchlike?"

I nodded and Geoff scratched the top of his almost bald head.

"Well I don't know, but it was a long time ago."

"Here is the odd thing," I began but instantly hesitated.

Mrs Huntington pushed a tin full of biscuits towards me prompting me to continue. Geoff's paper was now on his lap and he looked at me with his eyebrows raised. His face said both tell me more and what on earth is wrong with you today all at the same time.

"I didn't believe in the impossible until this morning and now I don't know what to believe."

I must have spoken with some conviction as Geoff did not burst out laughing as I thought he might. His head tilted slightly to one side and the biscuit he was dunking broke off and fell silently into his tea.

"I want to tell you about the journey I went on yesterday and about a bus, a bus that took me to a very different place."

To his credit he chose not to tell me to stop talking nonsense as most people would have. Instead he sat back in his chair and waited for me to go on.

He was sitting comfortably. So I began at the start and told him everything through to the end.

Are you ready?

* * *

#

# An Almost Normal Day

So as I was telling Geoff I started to believe in the impossible at around the age most people stop believing. Last spring at the age of thirteen and four months. My story is about a bus journey on a bus that took me somewhere where things were different. A place where I felt like an outsider.

I should point out that before any of this I was not a big believer in make believe. The world seemed pretty black and white to me. Like the beginning of the film _The_ _Wizard_ _Of_ _OZ_ that my mum made us watch every Christmas.

Actually while we are on the subject I never did get the point of that film. The good witch used Dorothy to kill her evil sisters, then chose to tell her that after all her effort she could have gone home any time she wanted. I don't think I would have been quite as thrilled to hear that news. I'm digressing from the point here. What I want to make clear is that I didn't believe in OZ or Neverland or anything like that. It all seemed like a load of nonsense. I have to tell you this now so you don't think I'm crazy when I get to telling you about Raheam Akbar and his bus and Lilly The Duchess Of Disapproval or any of the others. Now I can't begin to tell you that story without filling you in on some details.

So hello there, my name is Thomas, but my friends call me Tommy. I don't know why it's not much shorter but I like the sound of it. I guess my story doesn't start on a bus. It starts the way everyday starts, with breakfast. I remember spreading peanut butter thickly along plain white bread while my mother cackled on. She went through checking I had everything I needed for my school trip. Right now she was reading out each item one by one for me to check.

"Do you have your toothbrush? And your pyjamas?" She asked.

I could not see why she did this as she already knew I had everything. She should have known as she packed it all for me. And checked. And double and triple checked. I was sure they hadn't gone anywhere in the previous few minutes but checked again just to humour her.

"Have you got the bus ticket the school gave you ready to show the driver?" my mum asked.

"Yeah Mum," I replied for what felt like the five hundredth time that morning.

"Stay with the group, make sure you leave straight after school, and comb your hair again sweetie it's all stuck up at the back."

I sighed and bit into my peanut buttered toast. The school had chosen a few of us to go on a bus trip as a reward for good behaviour. Or more likely to bribe the worst of us into that good behaviour. It was not the usual thing I got selected for. The odd thing was the ticket did not say where we were going and none of the teachers had cared to mention. I had assumed a theme park or the seaside. It was to last one night so perhaps to an observatory? We were due to be back at school for the start of tomorrow's lessons so who knew? Knowing my luck the bus would be filled with people I didn't know from the years above. Or worse bullies that had been bribed into sitting still for ten minutes with a trip out. It's fair to say I wasn't overly excited.

The day before the trip was pretty uneventful apart from break time. I had brought a bar of chocolate from home. The school had a rule about not eating unless it was at dinner time and then only in the cafeteria. I don't break many rules and certainty wouldn't have broken this rule on purpose. I talked to Dave on the way to school and had forgotten to eat the chocolate before entering the gates. The bell sounded signalling the end of break and the beginning of the second lesson and as I had done many times before I lined up outside the door chatting to Dave.

"Did you get one of these ticket things?" I asked him holding my breath a little in hope that he had.

"No I didn't get one. I hear that Madeline in the second year did though. They say she is a bit how do you put it? Eccentric."

Great my best friend doesn't get a ticket and I know one of the others who did is not only a whole year above but also supposedly a bit mad.

Simon was manning the door. Simon was in my class and yet he had already been made a prefect. One of the youngest to make prefect and with a bad reputation to go with the achievement. So bad everyone knew him as Simon the snitch. As Dave and I were walking through his door I took my hands out of my pockets and out dropped my chocolate bar perfectly on to Simon the snitches shoe.

Simon looked at me through big blue eyes. His hair was a bright shade of orange and he was tilting his head waiting for me to speak. Dave spoke before me.

"Let it slip Si," he said.

The snitch Simon shook his head.

"Tommy you know the rules. You can't bring food into a classroom. I shall have to report it."

He took out a little notebook which would mean a detention for sure. My mother would have been so angry if I got a detention and missed this trip. I was out of options so I tried to bargain with him.

"Take it," I offered quickly.

"Take the bar it's yours."

Simon's frown dropped slightly as he thought about it.

"We could forget about this," he said taking the bar from the floor and opening the silver foiled packaging.

"Nice one," Dave said grabbing Simon's shoulder then he looked puzzled as Simon opened his notebook again.

"What are you doing," I asked.

"That's bringing food into the building and trying to bribe a prefect." Simon muttered through a mouthful of my chocolate as he scribbled into the book.

"But you took the bribe," I argued.

Simon looked at me again with my chocolate running down his chin. Then he said both calmly and slowly.

"Who will they believe Tommy? I'm a prefect."

We walked on past.

"I don't like him," Dave said hanging his coat up in the cloakroom.

We both looked at Simon stopping the next cluster of people, looking over them for anything he could find, happy in his Prefect power.

"One day that boy will get his come comeuppance," Dave said waving his finger.

I hoped he was right.

I didn't get a detention in the end just a stern telling off. Dave had stood up for me. I should have wondered then why the teacher had not mentioned the bus trip. Why had he not at least threatened to take it away from me like teachers usually do with things like that.

Dave was a good friend, one of my best even, and it was a shame that he wasn't chosen for the mystery bus that night.

I remember the end of the day coming too soon. Usually I would find Dave and begin the long walk home and for a moment I was about to do just that. Then I remembered and felt in my pocket for the bus ticket. Oddly the ticket had instructions on how to get to the bus stop. Every other school trip I had been on had picked us up from the main gates.

There was still a little warmth in the sun as I left the school in search of the bus stop. Not enough sun to take the full chill from the air but enough to make it jacket-less weather.

Nothing could have prepared me for the next few hours. They were hours made from minutes that would change me forever. I found the right stop and saw right away I wasn't the first one there. Dave was right. Madeline had a ticket and she was already waiting. From my first glance I knew she was likely even more eccentric than people said she was.

* * *

#

# Three Children & A Man-Teddy

Madeline hadn't noticed me to start with. She waited at the stop standing, I thought, a little close to the road. She was an odd shape, short and skinny but with stocky legs and a well rounded face. She was quite a pale girl wearing a white headband in her shoulder length black hair. What confirmed to me that she could be a bit mad was that she carried not just her school backpack but books. Lot's of books all tied together in a parcel with string. Not normal school books, just plain very old looking books. She was going to be carrying them around with her on the bus despite how bulky they looked and indeed how weighty they must've been.

I walked to the bus stop and there was an awkward moment when neither of us spoke. Then Madeline broke the silence.

"Thomas isn't it?" She asked.

Her eyes were wide open but her stare was blank.

I didn't think that she knew my name and was a little surprised. I also wondered why she called me Thomas rather than Tommy.

"You are in the first year," she added.

I figured seeing as she knew my name I should reveal that I knew hers.

"Madeline from the second year," I replied with a smile.

"Is that a statement or a question?"

"A statement I guess."

"Confirmed then, we know each others names."

I waited for her to say more but nothing came. She stood watching the darkening sky as we waited for the bus to arrive. Then when I thought today could not get any weirder it did, in a big way.

We were joined by a man dressed in a full-on bear costume complete with a top hat and walking stick.

-

Geoff had looked confused when I had told him about the man dressed as a bear. I had replied imagine how I felt stood next to the guy!

-

The Man-Bear walked up to the bus stop and checked the timetable.

"Yeah," The Bear confirmed to himself "this is the right stop."

Curiosity got the better of me.

"That's an odd outfit," I said

"What this?" The Bear asked removing his top hat as though embarrassed by it. "Sorry son I'm not from around these parts."

The Bear's voice sounded like it belonged to an older gentleman. I nodded and smiled politely. I had of course not meant his top hat but rather that he planned to catch the bus dressed as a freaking bear!

I moved away from the old man-bear who was sat on the bench at the end of the bus stop and decided again to try conversation with Madeline.

"Why is that guy dressed like a bear?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I guess he feels like dressing like a bear today. I mean we all feel like being someone different sometimes don't we Thomas?"

That was the end of conversation for me. I may have wished I was someone smarter, or wished I was someone better at sport, but I would never have wished to be stood at a bus stop in the late afternoon dressed as a teddy bear. I felt like leaving the bus stop right there and the urge to do just that got much worse when I saw who was approaching the bus stop.

I hadn't seen Simon the Snitch until he had checked the timetable. He glanced looking puzzled at the bear and then stood beside me.

"I didn't know you had gotten a ticket as well," he had seemingly forgetting his chocolate snack earlier and sounded almost pleased to see me. "And why is that guy dressed as a bear?"

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders. Simon returned my smile and looked over at the bear.

"What's your name?" he asked the bear.

"Edward but you can call me Ted," the man bear replied.

"I get it," I said "Ted as in Teddy."

"If you like son," Ted replied without humour.

"Okay Ted you can tell us. Why are you dressed as a Teddy Bear?"

The large Teddy head looked at Simon

"I'm not dressed as a bear. I am a bear."

"Okay," Simon said deliberately taking a step away from the man teddy.

Next Simon turned his attention to Madeline.

"I know you. Madeline isn't it?"

"You don't know me," Madeline replied "you know of me."

"You know of me as well I take it" Simon asked

Madeline nodded.

"You got a ticket too?"

Madeline nodded again then turned to one of her books.

Simon turned to me and said "I can tell this is going to be a long night."

I knew Simon hung around the teachers and wondered if he knew any more than I did. So I decided to ask.

"Any idea where were going?"

"No," Simon replied "I just got a letter through the post saying the school had organised this trip for good behaviour."

He smiled as he said good behaviour. Simon just loved to be seen as a cut above his classmates. The problem, as I had found first hand earlier he would trample over his own grandmother to get there.

"Odd," the man teddy butted in.

"What's odd?" I asked.

"It may be nothing son. But you all go to the same school. Yet you received your tickets in the post."

I thought about it and man teddy had a point. They could have just handed out the letters and tickets at the school. In fact that is exactly what usually happened for school outings.

Looking back at it Ted had begun to scatter the seeds of doubt in my mind. I had an uncomfortable, nervous feeling about this bus already. Perhaps we should have asked the man bear more questions right then. Maybe we would have if Rob had not had made his way to the stop.

Do you remember how they spoiled the _Scooby_ _Doo_ cartoons by introducing _Scooby's_ nephew _Scrappy._ _Scrappy_ was so excited all the time. He was a funny little pup at first but then he became annoying. Well that would be a good way to describe Rob. Another would be _Scrappy_ _Doo_ after a half dozen energy drinks. Imagine what that would be like and you're almost there. He bounced towards us with both hands in the pockets of his jeans. Rob hadn't been at school that day but that was nothing unusual. Slowly he lowered his head to the timetable.

"Nice one," he said throwing both his hands in the air. He seemed as excited as a dog being told it was time for a walkie.

"It's John isn't it?" He asked then closed his eyes tightly and clenched his fist.

"No wait, David? No,.no you hang around with him don't you," he waggled his index finger in my face. "Tommy," he then shouted.

"That's right," I replied. Rob moved down the line.

"Simon isn't it?" He asked.

Simon nodded.

"I hear your a prefect now. A really strict one too. No one gets passed you."

Simon's stuck his chest out with pride seemingly happy with his reputation.

"Yeah, no one likes it they think your a boot licker," Rob said.

Simon's chest deflated to normal and he wore his usual frown again.

I take what I was just saying back because I just liked Rob a lot more than I did.

Next Rob looked at the bear. He stepped back unconsciously then offered his hand and they shook hand to claw.

"Like it," Rob said smiling "I didn't know it was fancy dress."

"It's not," I replied.

Rob shrugged as though I hadn't said a word and nothing was wrong. Again I should remind you the guy was dressed as a bear.

Next he looked at Madeline who seemed to be on a different planet.

"Hello," he offered "I'm...".

"Robert," Madeline finished his sentence.

"That's right," Rob confirmed.

Then he clapped loudly and rubbed both hands together

"So where are we going then? Anybody know?"

We all looked blank. Simon looked at Rob, Rob looked at me, Madeline looked at Simon, then everyone looked at Ted the freaking man bear!

"Are you telling me we are all waiting for this bus and none of us know where it is going? Come on snitch you know all this kind of stuff."

"Not this time," Simon replied sounding genuine.

"Curious," Madeline said thoughtfully.

Everyone gave her their attention perhaps hoping that the oldest of the group barring the man-teddy would know what was going on.

"I'll tell you what is odd," the man bear interrupted.

"We all checked that timetable over there and yet not one of us know where the bus goes or what time it sets off."

Everyone looked stunned as they took in the man-teddy's words. They had all glanced at the timetable and yet judging by the blank expressions my mind wasn't the only one drawing a blank.

I went over to the side of the shelter to check the timetable again. This time when I looked I did not see words on a page. Not even wet ink splodges. What I saw was a sheet of plain paper. Perfectly placed, perfectly white, and perfectly blank.

"There was writing on there earlier," I said.

A puzzled Simon looked at the sheet.

"There was but for the life of me I can't remember what was there," he offered.

"None of us can." Madeline said sounding very sure.

"This is silly," Rob said his patience clearly wearing thin. "If there's no timetable how do we know we are even in the right place?"

He was right I guess.

"More to the point how do we know we'll even get the right bus? We could end up anywhere." I added.

"We are at the right stop," Madeline said. Although she spoke softly she had everyone's attention again.

"How do you know it's the right stop," Simon questioned.

"Because we all saw the timetable and we are all standing here."

The dumbstruck looks circulated again before snitch Simon decided to take charge.

"Let's recap," he said mimicking a teacher as only the snitch could.

"We all got a bus ticket through the post with a letter saying we had been invited on this trip for good behaviour."

The snitches statement was met with a series of nodding heads.

"Any of you actually speak to anyone at the school?"

He was met with our dumbstruck looks again.

"Answer me!" Simon shouted impatiently.

He walked down the bus stop met by our thoughtful shaking of heads and Rob's thoughtful, enthusiastic but very annoying humming noise.

"Seems a bit odd don't you think son," The man-bear Ted responded.

Simon's hair was wet with sweat and stuck to his forehead. His cheeks had gone red with rage almost matching his orange hair.

"No," he shouted putting his hand up in a stop motion.

"Nobody here and _definitely_ no one in a massively creepy bear costume has anything to say to me at the moment please."

The bear seemed saddened for a moment then sat back on the bus stop and opened his wallet to count out his money.

"I've had enough. I'm going to give this trip a miss," Simon said walking away from the bus stop.

Rob rolled his eyes and rubbed his hands together

"Well free trip somewhere I won't be missing out. Where's his sense of adventure?"

"The bear is rich," Madeline interrupted and we all turned our heads to look at the money counting man-teddy.

Ted was counting so many notes. There were wads of twenties then another bundle of fifties. None of us had seen that kind of money before. For a long time Ted hadn't seen us looking but as soon as he had felt our eyes burning into him he put the money away in a money belt fitted round his bear costume. Then he met our eyes but did not speak.

"I think maybe Simon is right," I said trying to work out why I was still stood there.

"You think the school sent us the wrong letter?" Madeline asked looking confused. It was the first time she had sounded unsure about everything.

I must admit I did think that was likely but to say that is all I was thinking would be to tell a half truth. Somehow I already knew that today was more than a bus journey. It was like my brain was taking time out to load and gave me only the slightest insight. That insight gave me the knowledge that the trip was not what it seemed.

I could have run right there until I reached home. Perhaps I would have done if I hadn't heard the loud engine noise of the bus approaching.

* * *

#

# An Infinite Man Bear, & A Lesson About Money

I want you to know that the bus looked like any other bus. Just an ordinary double-decker service bus at an ordinary bus stop on an ordinary road. Nothing special to look at. There were no magic fumes from the exhaust pipe or wings to fly with. It was just a service bus that was going slightly too fast. It stopped a few feet up the road away from us all. The automatic doors opened inviting us on-board and as I made my way to the driver I found the doors were the only thing inviting about the bus.

The driver's name was on his name badge. Raheam Akbar was a man well shaven and quite short. He also seemed impatient wanting to leave already.

"Come on I'm running late. Quickly please," he snapped with a look worse than any of the teachers or even the snitch could give. I fumbled quickly for my ticket then pushed it under the glass screen to Raheam who stamped it and waved his hand impatiently ushering me to the inside of the bus.

"Can I ask," I began plucking up courage, "where we are going?"

"I don't know check your timetable," Raheam replied.

Next in line was Simon the Snitch. He had not carried out his threat of walking away sadly but from the look on his face he was planning to report this bus driver to his mother. This would be followed by his mother making a scene at the school and demanding to speak to the head teacher the next day.

"Listen I need to know where we are going," he argued.

Raheam waved his index finger gesturing for Simon to get closer to the drivers transparent protective screen. Simon leaned closer. The bus driver smiled as he whispered the words.

"It goes wherever you want it to go!"

Simon must have decided it was better not to ask any more questions for now and took his seat without further protest.

Within a few seconds both Madeline and Rob had taken their seats. Then Edward, the man in the bear suit, made his way gingerly on to the bus. Once Raheam had seen Ted his impatient and gloomy outlook seemed to change.

"Ted!" He shouted out the greeting.

"Hello again son," Ted said.

"Been a long day for you my man. You're heading home I take it?"

"Indeed," the man-bear responded taking his seat. Then the Snitch stood up.

"This is a school trip. What is that bear man doing on here?" He asked pointing to Ted as though a man in a bear suit needed pointing out.

"Where else would you want him to go," Raheam responded, "this is his bus home."

Without waiting for a response Raheam checked his mirror and pulled away.

The loud noise of the bus engine drowned out Simon's protest. The bus felt like any other. The seats were colourful and old looking. There were no notices or advertisements apart from a big sign placed above the drivers head demanding that he was not to be disturbed or distracted for any reason. I had no intention of disturbing this driver anyway.

Rob was talking to me. But as is often the case when someone speaks on a bus I could only make out a word or two over the engine noise and from the parts I heard Rob was rambling away to himself anyway. He seemed excited to be going anywhere.

After a while my attention was drawn to the window and I enjoyed looking out onto the fields as we moved outside of London. We were heading further and further out of the city and into places I had never been to. Small villages seemed to appear in the horizon and then disappear. Churches and town halls all appearing out of nowhere with every narrow turn. It was here that the bus journey stopped resembling an ordinary bus journey and started to become something quite different.

It was almost as if the world was struggling to put together full places. Instead there were stand out houses dotted around. The odd church and an occasional shop popped up in the greenery. Apart from those odd few buildings the landscape was a field followed by another field. It was like the world had run out of buildings and roads. Soon the fields we saw became populated by sheep and the hills became steep. Eventually we came to a very large hill.

Rob rubbed his hands together and grinned.

"I bet he's going to struggle to get this clapped out old bus up this one," he said with excitement in his voice.

The others didn't look so excited. Madeline glanced in my direction but looked indifferent and Simon shrugged his shoulders. Man Teddy was asleep as the bus slowed to walking pace at the steepest part of the steepest hill I had ever seen. Then it managed to climb to the top and swing down the other side over a dip leaving us all with upset stomachs. You would have thought we had been on a roller coaster. As I looked ahead I noticed that the ground had thankfully returned to being quite flat. Now there were buildings, farms, and houses.

"Look at that guy," Madeline shouted sounding truly astonished. Once I looked out the window on her side I couldn't believe my eyes either.

One guy dressed as a bear is weird enough but two? Then three? More? It must be the whole town dressed as bears!

"What is this?!" Simon shouted.

Ted who seemed to have been asleep for most of the journey had began looking around getting ready to find his stop.

"They're all like you here. Is it fancy dress or something?" Simon asked.

"I told you already I don't dress like a bear," Ted said standing shakily, "I am a bear."

Then he rang the bell above his head and the bus began to slow down to a gradual stop.

The doors flung open and Ted made his way to the front of the bus thanking Raheam on his way. The rest of us all stayed where we were.

Raheam tilted his head to face the seats we were in.

"This is it," he said impatiently. "This is your stop."

We all looked at each other.

"Don't we get a tourist map or a guide or anything?" Simon asked

Raheam laughed a little.

"How will we know what time to get back to the bus and the time we have to be back for?" Madeline asked

"This is your first time on the bus by yourselves isn't it?" Raheam said as he let out a heavy sigh.

We all nodded in union.

"You find a bus stop. Then you click your fingers and you say magic me a bus," Raheam explained.

Now I wanted to stay on this bus drivers good side because he was my way out of there and back home. Rob seemed unnervingly excited about the whole thing and Madeline seemed passive. She acted like everything was normal and okay. The same couldn't be said for Simon who seemed to be losing his temper more and more with every passing second. He had clearly had enough of the abnormal journey.

"What are you on about a magical bus?" Simon exploded. "That is not how you catch a bus! How are we meant to find our way around here with no guide?"

Raheam shrugged his shoulders.

"No guide, no teachers this is the best school trip of all time," Rob added on his way to the front. Then he patted me on the shoulders and clenched his hand into a fist, punched the air and shouted "let's go!"

Yes he really was that enthusiastic about everything. We could have battled it out among ourselves a while longer but Ted put his head back round the door and shouted.

"If you guy's are at a loose end you could come round to mine for a while until the next one comes."

Simon's face gave his answer better than words could but I spoke up before he got a chance to answer.

"That sounds like a good idea,"I said without really thinking about it. We didn't know the man-bear but he seemed genuine enough.

"We should stick together," Madeline added.

"This is your stop," Raheam said matter of factly.

"You all have to get off here."

We all stepped off. Raheam and his bus were gone almost instantly and for the first time we were left somewhere completely unknown.

"Follow me," Edward the man-teddy said parting crowds of other adult sized Teddy's.

We all followed not once asking ourselves why. After a five-minute walk through a place that was mostly covered with trees and pretty to look at we began to walk up a hill. Robert followed first filled with his usual slightly annoying type of cheer and sense of adventure. Followed by a confused looking Madeline, then Simon. I dawdled along at the back.

We were heading to an old manor house on a hill. The type you might see in a cheesy horror movie as a typical boogeyman's house. You know a baddie werewolf's lair or maybe a goblins. Maybe even a real vampire! Not the moody teenager type the girls at school seemed to enjoy.

Man-teddy reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief and a key. He sneezed into his handkerchief and then opened the door with the key.

So vampires, werewolves, and it would seem grown men dressed as teddy bears were possible tenants of this grim looking mansion.

"This your house?" Rob asked right away.

Ted nodded.

The house was huge. The rooms were decorated in a similar way an old royal palace might have been. It was all big portraits and grandfather clocks.

"Hey it's alight this," Rob declared slouching into one of the chairs and making himself at home. "I could get used to this."

Without speaking the man bear took his walking stick and swiped Rob's legs causing him to fall back and the chair to topple over. Rob laid in the chair with his hands and feet in the air. Madeline let out a giggle and Simon hid a smirk with his hands.

Man Teddy looked at her. His face was stern and humourless. Again he took the keys out of his pocket and unlocked another door. This led to a corridor.

"Follow me," he said.

Once again we did follow him. We went through the longest corridor I had ever walked through. There were pictures on the wall of other people in various animal costumes.

One of the pictures showed a man who had the head of an elephant. The elephant man was eating crisps. There was another photograph showing a couple of Owl's at a party. In one at the far end of the room was a portrait of the man-teddy himself. The picture showed him complete with stick and top hat.

Edward the man teddy had not spoken for a long time so I decided to try making conversation.

"Who are the people in the photograph's Edward?" I asked.

"People who lived here. Or maybe people who are going to live here. My family you could say."

Other photographs showed the man bear in black and white. Some were yellowed with age.

"Impossible," Simon said looking at one of the pictures.

It clearly showed the man bear stood by The Titanic.

"It's fake," I said saying what the others were thinking.

The man teddy looked at me and shook his head. Usually such a claim would have been laughable. Today stranger things had happened. Sure enough it wasn't the only impossible photograph. Another showed the bear in World War 2.

"So you're old," I said giving the only other possible conclusion I could think of. Why it didn't occur to any of us at the time that it could be the same costume but with a different person I really don't know. That was Geoff's theory as he sipped his tea but he, unlike me, didn't yet know about the man bear.

"How old are you?" Robert asked Ted without hesitation.

"I am Infinite," Ted replied as his eyes widened.

"Impossible," Simon said again.

Madeline shook her head.

"Not impossible," she corrected "just not measurable."

Ted the man bear offered her if I'm not mistaken a knowing smile.

It occurred to me then that to Madeline this was a real version of one of the books she carried with her. She was reacting as though she was a bystander to everything. As an audience member commenting on a play. I got the impression that Madeline spent a lot of her time in a make-believe world. While the rest of us were unsettled by disappearing timetables and man teddy bears she seemed comfortable.

"Look exactly where are you taking us?" Simon asked.

"Before you leave for your next bus I want to show you something."

Edward opened yet another door this led to what looked like a clothes wardrobe.

We all got in, trusting the Man bear without reason, and perhaps against our better judgement.

You may wish to stop me here and say Tommy why would you trust someone you don't know. Geoff did and he was right. Usually I wouldn't trust anyone I had just met. But then ordinarily I don't catch dimension hopping buses and hang around in a village with people in teddy bear costumes.

We stood in the wardrobe and Edward the man bear pulled a leaver.

The floor of the wardrobe moved downwards revealing the wardrobe as a secret elevator.

"We could be going into another world like they do in _Narnia_ ," Madeline said.

I didn't think so. For one it felt like we were in another world anyway because everyone was dressed as bears. I was hoping the bear wasn't a mad _Willy Wonka_ type. _Willy Wonka_ taught children lessons by killing them off, I think, and I didn't really fancy any of that.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Ted was waiting for us at the bottom. He opened his arms wide as if to present the room to us.

What I saw went beyond treasure. It was a swimming pool full of money. More money than you could imagine of every currency in the world. Notes, coins and gold all in one great big hole. Ted took his top hat off and took out the money that had been wedged inside. Then he stood up straight and danced around with his stick.

"I can't believe it," Simon shouted in disbelief.

"He really is loaded," Rob cried.

"Did I forget to mention children. I'm rich. Filthy, lovely, wonderfully, rich."

With that the man bear jumped into his pit of money and began swimming a length.

Rob uninvited jumped into the pool.

"Awesome,"he shouted.

The pool had very little light underground. But what light there was glistened gold and silver from the coins.

"Oh there's one last thing," Ted said once he had gotten out of the pool and put his top hat back on.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Give me all your money!"

Even through the bear-suit the voice sounded serious.

"What, just give you my money?" I asked sounding as surprised as I felt and I didn't think anything could surprise me more today. "I can't just give you my money."

"Why what happens if I give you my money?" Rob asked passing over a crumpled £5 note from his pocket.

Simon looked disgusted and no doubt was making snitch-worthy plans to report this the very moment he got back.

Ted ran his paws over Rob's note and it vanished.

"That's really good," Rob said sounding quite amazed, "Now make it come back!"

Ted shook his head.

"It never comes back," he declared showing the children both empty hands.

Two things happened in that moment. The first is that Edward the man bear taught me the most important lesson I ever learned about money. Once it was gone it really does never come back. The second is that the man bear seemed satisfied with his donation. The only problem was that he took Rob's money and that made him a thief.

"Now I'm serious, give it back!" Rob demanded, "Give it back!"

Edward turned away.

"A fool and his money are easily parted," he said.

"No way! give it back!"

Edward waved Rob's money over his head as though it was magic

"I'm not the type of bear that mucks around with honey," he said shaking his head from side to side

"I'm the type of bear that likes to steal your money."

I thought Rob was going to cry. But he kept his nerve. He was insistent on getting the money back and angry. He sounded more like Scrappy Doo now then ever, " _Let_ _me_ _at_ _em,_ _let_ _me_ _at_ _em_ _Uncle_ _Scooby!"_

"That's not fair. You can't just take his money," Madeline argued trying to get the money back for Rob.

"If you don't pass it back I will be telling the school," Simon threatened unsurprisingly.

Then we were all interrupted.

One of the lights had gone out unnoticed. Then with a sharp clank another went out, then another. Any conflict we had about the cash seemed to have gone.

"Oh no," Ted said looking startled. "She knows you are here. But how?"

"Who?" Madeline asked her voice quivering.

"Yeah who?" Simon asked also sounding worried

"Never mind the lights. Where's my money," said Rob.

Man-bear stayed silent as the dark spread suffocating our surroundings. We looked at each others faces and saw each others rising panic. It was at this point I am sure I heard the man-bear mention a Duchess of Disapproval. I could be wrong, though it was the moment that we all became aware that our presence in the man bears world had not gone unnoticed.

"Well I'm not afraid," Said Rob predictably ready for whatever came.

I'm not ashamed to admit to you that I was afraid. It was like something was happening and there was no stopping it. A something that knew we were children in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now although I shall admit to you all that I was scared for my life I would not admit it to the others at the time nor would they to me. I made the decision to run towards the light that remained and the other's followed.

"Wait," cried Ted.

"I'm not waiting," shouted Rob, "You're nothing but a masked thief."

Ted's face looked different now. His eyes were sunken and his shoulders shrugged and he looked as sad as a man in a bear suit could look. Which believe me is very sad.

"That way leads to the tunnels that run through my mansion," he shouted after us.

" There's so many of them nobody knows where they lead. Not even me."

He was too late. I had made the decision for the group. for better or worse, and his voice became more and more distant as we went into the first of the underground tunnels.

* * *

# The Way Neither Back Nor Forward

The underground caves are difficult to recall. Not just because we were lost but because one thing seemed to drift into another. It was something I spoke to Madeline about while we were walking through the caves. A weird feeling that I think we all had experienced but up until that point nobody had mentioned.

"Today has been weird," I sighed. "Things have happened that fast that I don't know what to think any more. I don't feel the same person I was this morning."

Madeline nodded "It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then," she said.

I recognised the quote from Lewis Carol's _Alice_ _in_ _Wonderland_. A book that was no doubt strapped to her back.

"Why do you carry those?" I asked suddenly curious

"I read them," she replied "And In case I need them."

It did occur to me that short of her having a book entitled _How_ _To_ _Find_ _Your_ _Way_ _Through_ _A Network Of_ _Underground_ _Caves Whilst_ _On The Run From A Money_ _Greedy_ _Man Dressed As A Bear_ we were still all in big trouble.

She was right about not being the same. Everything from the bus onwards felt as though one thing had followed the next. There was no order any more and no logical, boring, common-sense.

Simon the Snitch had confidently navigated to start with. Claiming that his father was a chief scout. It only took a few dead ends for us to work out he wasn't the _Bear_ _Grylls_ explorer he would have had us believe.

"We can't be lost," Rob kept saying.

My feet felt wet and when I looked down I noticed the mud in the tunnel was soaking with water.

"Hey guys are we in a sewage system or something?"

The others looked at me puzzled.

"We must be near sea level," Simon said putting one finger in the air.

"All caves are muddy Simon," Rob argued.

"All we need to know is which way the air is coming in from," Simon began.

I interrupted him not wanting to hear any more right now.

"All we need are directions, or an idea of where we are, or better still a lift home and some food. Failing that were pretty stuck."

"Seagulls," Rob said softly. Nobody responded.

" It's always a test," Madeline said "We are missing something."

"You're missing something clearly," Simon replied tapping his head with his finger.

"Seagulls," repeated Robert.

"Think about it," Madeline replied.

"Guy's there are Seagulls down here," Robert shouted. "You usually find Seagulls by the Sea."

We looked at each other.

"Seagulls don't tend to live underground," I said.

But sure enough in the next cave there were seagulls and thankfully a slightly higher ceiling allowing me to stand up straight for the first time in what felt like forever.

As I stood I noticed that the water had risen to above ankle height for me. Simon was shorter and so it was almost to his knee's. Poor Madeline was now knee deep in filthy muddy water and trying to lift her books a little higher so they would not be ruined.

"What now?" I asked.

"I would get out of here this place will flood soon," came the reply although none of us had spoken.

"Who said that," I asked confused but happy it wasn't the money greedy Man-bear.

"Sargent Fifteen of the Seagull Army."

Sure enough the words had come from the Seagull's mouth or more precisely his beak.

"The Seagull talked," Madeline said.

"Of course it did," Simon replied holding his forehead in his hands.

"Oh wow I never met a Seagull that could talk," Rob said kneeling down to get a better look at the bird. "My auntie had a parrot once and it talked," he said smiling at the bird. "Hey burdy birdy!"

"Seagull's do not talk," Simon said getting louder through his sentence until he was shouting.

"This one does," I replied looking up at the bird.

"It floods down here so often," the Seagull said then paused moving his neck from side to side so fast I couldn't see his head move until he was in a new place. He was watching us trying to guess if we were a threat. Rob seemed to be doing the same to the Seagull.

"You don't go around stealing people's money as well do you?" He asked.

"No," The seagull replied sounding disgusted.

"Good, because I met a bear today that did and I'm out of cash."

The seagull gave off a mocking laugh and looked Rob up and down. I remember thinking it odd that the talking seagull did not trust us.

"Do you know your way out of here," Madeline asked the seagull.

"Nobody does," the Seagull responded matter of factly.

"We're lost," Madeline said looking sulky.

"Were all lost. Some people find their way out of these caves. Most don't. If you want my advice you should see if you can find the Elephant Man,"

"There's an Elephant Man?" I said.

"Of course there's no blinking Elephant Man," Simon responded.

"Does the Elephant Man steal money?" Rob asked encouraging another laugh-squawk from the seagull.

"No! The Elephant Man lives in the underground. An outcast, I would guess he would know his way around some of the caves, maybe most of the caves."

"You said you were in the army," Madeline questioned, "Who are you an army for?"

The Seagull took a step back and bowed.

"I am Fifteen. Commander to the Fifteenth Seagull Army currently preforming duty to the ruling monarch."

"You work for the Queen?" Rob asked.

The water level at this point was up to my knee, Simon's thigh and almost Madeline's waste.

"We work for the Lady Lilly Anne The Third Point One."

"Lady who?," Rob asked looking confused "What is she lady off anyway?"

"I bet she shouts off with their heads," Simon added with more than a hint of sarcasm.

The Seagull shook his head bemused.

"I never said she was the Queen. I said she is the reigning monarch. She judges what is acceptable, what is proper, and what in improper. She is The Princess of the Proper, The Duchess of Disapproval, and The Stop To All Silliness.

"She's not doing a good job. I am talking to a Seagull. Stopping the silliness is what I'm looking for right now." Simon responded.

"She will want to meet with you. Every entry here has to pass through her," the Seagull announced with some authority.

"Well I'm not afraid of her," Rob replied predictably once again in S _crappy_ mode. Rob certainly seemed fearless.

"There was a sign back there. It was for the underground," Rob said.

We looked at him blankly.

"Surely if we follow the signs for the underground then we can get on a train and the train will take us up to a platform," Rob said not pausing for breath.

Simon shook his head "I would say trace our steps back to the mansion,"

"The caves change whenever you turn your back on them," the Seagull named Fifteen said.

Simon looked angry and weary, "Of course they do," he said before turning his back on Fifteen to speak with us.

"Are you all going to listen to me or the talking Seagull?!" he asked.

"The way back certainly doesn't look like it is the way back any more," Madeline added slowly looking behind her.

"Neither does it look like a way forward," I added without really thinking.

"Oh I don't believe it," Simon cried. His bottom lip quivered for a moment while he thought about what he wanted to do. He seemed to be weighing up whether to follow us or make his own way through the caves. Wisely but begrudgingly he chose to stay with the group and stomped along behind us.

By this point I too was a little over waste height in murky, muddy and mucky water. We needed to find a way out of the cave we were in. My problem now was I was thinking if all this water couldn't escape how could we.

As the water got a bit higher our Sargent Seagull Number Fifteen decided without a word to disappear through a small gap in the top of the cave.

We all began to walk or in Madeline's case swim as far to the back of the cave as we could.

"What do we do if it keeps pouring in?" Rob asked looking desperately at me for an answer. The truth was I didn't want to think about that. It seemed no matter how far back we walked the water only became deeper.

Every crack in the caves was seeping with mucky water. Madeline and Rob were already unable to touch the floor and I was bouncing through the water on tip toe. I wondered if anybody would find us all the way down here. I put my hand on one of the cave walls and in a truly odd way leaning on the wall saved us.

"Just head to the right," I shouted.

The others looked at me with confused looks. My hand on the right hand wall was dry. Not only my arm but my foot too. It seemed that in the caves you could simply side step out of the water.

"That's impossible," Simon shouted.

"Water is not like this I know it isn't. Flooding doesn't happen at different angles."

"It seems it does here," Madeline replied.

In the middle of an underground cave with no idea of how to escape I found myself smiling. I was beginning to understand. Beginning to believe in the impossible.

"If you guy's still insist on finding the underground I found a sign for it here," Simon said trying to hide any excitement in his voice.

I could tell he was as excited as we all were to find a possible way out. Even if we had done it in a way he had disapproved off. I remember thinking he and this Duchess of Disapproval would probably get on just fine.

"That's odd," Madeline said. She was getting good at pointing out bad news. It seemed that trend was about to continue.

"Why would someone put a sign there for a disused line?"

I looked at the sign and sure enough it read Disused Line to Elephant and Castle.

Rob seemed relieved.

"I know Elephant and Castle," he said "It's back in London."

I had also heard of the underground station.

"Finally were going to get out of this place and back to some form of normality," Simon said already leading the way.

I didn't share his hopes that the disused line would lead us back to London. At least not yet. But I followed them through the caves looking for more signs for the disused rail line.

There seemed no end to the caves. Miles with no markers or pointers. In places the disused tracks disappeared altogether.

"Do you think we're heading the right way?" I asked Madeline.

"I don't think there is a right way," she responded. "I think we are just going the way that we are to go."

"You think we are following the yellow brick road?" I replied jokingly.

"Oh yes," She replied with an excitement I wasn't expecting.

Madeline seemed excited by the journey. It's fair to say Simon was most definitely not as thrilled as he stomped on behind.

* * *

#

# The Elephant Man

In the book Madeline was so fond of, as she constantly reminded us, the Yellow Brick Road led to the Emerald City. A place described as wonderful and magical. Predictably our mud filled underground caves did not lead us to anything quite as green and sparkling. The place we found ourselves was quite the opposite. The train tracks were easier to make out, at least, as was the platform. The tunnel had less air than the others and much like the caves that came before it the station was dusty. A lonely ticket machine stood on the platform. There was no use in checking for tickets as it had clearly been out of use for a long time.

"All aboard," Rob said as he jumped onto platform.

No one so much as smiled as we were all too tired. I began looking for the way out of the platform and up to the daylight. I missed daylight a lot.

It didn't take me long to spot the odd figure that was slumped by the side of the old ticket machine. The light from a small lamp he had in his hand made an unusual silhouette. From the neck down the he was thin, very thin. However what was most noticeable was his head which was quite clearly that of an elephant. His trunk came down to his shoulders, his ears were twitching, and his eyes were a cold black.

By his side were empty crisp packets in every brand and of every flavour you could imagine. He sat on a mountain of crisp packets on a dirty old towel wearing a dirty brown coat. The elephant man could easily be mistaken as a homeless guy if you couldn't see his head.

As we met the elephant was picking up crisps with his trunk and placing them into his mouth crunching every one of them loudly. His teeth were a dirty yellow colour. He hummed away to himself until he saw us all standing in front of him. His beady black eyes then looked for a way out but he gave up quickly understanding that he was trapped and we were blocking every escape route. I scanned the faces of the group. None of them seemed to know where to begin. So I spoke to the odd figure first.

"We got told you know the way back to the surface."

"Who or what are you?" The elephant man asked. "I haven't seen people like you around here before."

"We are people, well young people." Madeline replied.

"The Duchess has sent you I bet. I never did anything wrong to her I tell you. Just not classified."

"Classified how?" I asked.

"The Duchess likes to classify people. She likes the Bears mainly. All of them up there." He gestured above his head while opening another bag of crisps. These were salt and vinegar and the strong smell wafted outwards.

"Up there they all look like bears. As you can see I do not. Am not rather." He corrected himself before going back to his crisps.

"We are not with the Duchess," Madeline assured. "We don't look like bears so I'm pretty sure she will disapprove of us too."

"Then your one of his elves aren't you? Where is he then? Where is Santa?"

Simon looked like he was about to blow his top.

"Listen we are NOTHING to do with the Duchess and definitely NOT Santa."

"Would it be so bad if we knew Santa?" Madeline asked.

The elephant man looked at her as though she had asked the silliest question in the world.

The depressed looking elephant calmed a little. He was the result, it appeared, of Duchess Lillian's disapproval. He looked so sad with his many packets of crisps. I hoped this was not a glimpse into our own future if we remained on the run from the disapproving Duchess and couldn't find our way home. Simon was looking about beaten and truthfully I think we all were. That morning all we worried about was getting up for school. Now we were lost underground, talking to seagulls and elephant men, all the while on the run from a disapproving Duchess.

"You live down here?" I asked.

"I do yeah." The elephant man moved over slightly on his blanket making room for us. We sat down by his surprisingly warm lantern.

"The Duchess didn't approve of me. People she disapproves off usually disappear. She thinks I have gone. Though I haven't, I live here underground, it's not much but it's safe and snug. Nobody comes down here any more."

"Well you say that," Rob interrupted. Everyone's eyes were now on Rob. Including a very nervous looking elephant man.

"We all saw that seagull."

The elephant man looked on edge.

"In fact it was the seagull that told us to find you."

The Elephant man shook Rob's shoulders violently.

"You silly boy!" He yelled. "You silly, silly boy!"

"It was quite a way back. Maybe a few miles" I said trying to calm the panic.

The elephant man opened up a bag he had with him. There was a hand held device that looked a little like a game console. Though this device seemed to be powered through the elephant trunk winding a leaver. The screen contained nothing but static. The wavy type you used to get on old televisions.

"Blasted signal." he said moving his head in a different direction.

"My ears can pick up signals. Every kind of signal," he explained.

"Each of us get one of these devices so we can show others what we are picking up."

The black and white screen still only showed static.

"The seagull you spoke to was no doubt part of the seagull army. All the seagulls around here are."

I wanted to reassure the elephant man, who was looking more and more nervous about us being there, that we'd find our way back and that he too would be fine. Sadly for me Rob didn't know that now really was one of those times it was better to keep his mouth shut.

"Yeah that's the guy. Seagull Army Number Fifteen."

"That's a high rank. There are thousands of them. I bet they were down here looking for me."

"Are there any others that the Duchess disproves off?" I asked.

I was well equipped with enough fairy tales to know that you have more chance of coming out on the winning end if you have some back up.

"Many, but none that stuck around, apart from Edward. Edward though is different. He's a crook, a scavenger."

"You can say that again! He stole my money!" Rob's anger was clearly returning.

"I don't doubt it. Ted is the best thief that ever lived and he has lived a very long time."

The machine began to buzz and we all looked round at it. He grunted angrily and began manically twitching his ears. Then on the screen we were looking at the Duchess. She was an elderly lady. Very clean but with cruel looking eyes. Her grey hair was permed and she wore a cardigan. When she spoke she sounded doddery. Like she was a sweet old lady rather than someone to fear.

"Where are my glasses?" She asked looking to both her sides. A moment later a seagull pecked the glasses into place on her forehead.

"Much better. Good evening everybody."

The elephant man stood and gestured for us to do the same.

"She likes everyone to stand when she speaks. If the Seagulls see you not standing when she speaks they report you."

"This is ridiculous," Simon replied. But no matter what he thought he was standing.

"You will be glad to know that the Seagull Army have come closer today to finding the elephant man. I also have to let you all know that he is not alone. He is with four non-bears."

The screen showed drawings that looked a little like each of us.

"Great we're on TV," Rob pointed. He shut up the moment he saw our stares. The television continued.

"These people are unclassified by myself. I strongly advise them to give themselves up for classification. Until they do consider them dangerous."

At this point the elephant man moved his head to sneeze and the television screen returned to static.

"I can't see how we could be dangerous," I said.

"Your unclassified, different. You have different ideas, a different way of thinking, to the Duchess you are very dangerous indeed." The elephant man said as he walked to the end of the platform.

Then he opened a hatch I had not seen. It was camouflaged to look like the rock at the top of the cave. Once the latch was open a few faint rays of daylight began to trickle through.

"I assume by the fact that you got through the caves alive you already know that down is not always down and up is not always up."

I nodded as he brought down an old wooden ladder.

"You need to go up then take a right then a left and then a forty and a thirty."

"How do you mean a forty and a thirty?" Rob asked.

"The degree you need to turn to. Once you're at the right degree from North ,which here is South West, feel round the wall and you will find a latch. Remove the latch and crawl through. That will take you back to the overground."

I looked up the ladder that led up into the rock and to a right hand turn.

"If you set off now," The elephant man continued, "you may be there before nightfall."

We thanked him and made for the ladder. Rob went first, then I followed, then Simon with Madeline last. After the right turn Rob called for us to look out. Although it looked like we were on a straight flat surface the super sized multi bag of crisps fell down the shoot. The elephant man's meals for the next few weeks I guess.

* * *

#

# Unclassified And Dangerous

There was little warmth in the sun when we finally made it overground. The air was taking on a chill and none of us had really decided what we would do next. So we made for the pavement and sat in a tired and sorry looking row on the kerb. Simon broke the silence to ask the obvious question.

"What do we do now?"

I felt too tired to think of a reply. The others must have felt the same way because none of them offered to answer Simon's question.

"Come on. You all wanted to follow the caves to get out here. How do we get home now?"

Rob was grinning despite our situation as he replied, "Can't you see we came to a bus stop."

"I wonder if Raheam was joking when he said to click our fingers and say magic me a bus?" I asked thinking aloud.

Simon shot me with a menacing look.

"Yes Tommy I think he was joking, but who knows."

He stood by the bus stop and jumped up and down clicking his fingers over and over.

"Come on," he yelled, "Magic me a bus!"

He took a look at all of our blank faces then took his seat on the kerb again.

Much like the underground caves the next bit is hard to describe to you. What I mean is it felt like we had sat at the kerb for a few minutes, but it could have been a few hours, it could just have easily been seconds. Time was really hard to guess. In any event we were all sat at the kerb when we heard it. The familiar rumblings of a big red London bus coming down the street. It feels odd to admit but I was happy to see the miserable Akbar behind the wheel as it approached.

"Come on then, I have a timetable to keep you know," he bellowed. Clearly his usual cheerful self then.

We got on.

"I demand you take us straight home," Simon said taking his seat.

"This bus doesn't go there. Nope you're not going home on this one."

"Listen here," Simon began "I will tell my mother about this so called school trip."

Raheam Akbar looked confused

"If you must," he replied putting the bus into gear.

"Take us somewhere we can rest," Madeline mumbled.

"That I can do. Stop six is a rest house, an old hotel. I know the owners."

None of us had much money but so far that hadn't been a problem.

"So you met the Duchess? Did you get approval?" Raheam asked looking in his mirror.

"We haven't actually met her yet," I responded.

"Everyone needs approval from the Duchess here. I got approved a while ago on the condition that I drove this bus."

Raheam opened his wallet showing a card with the Duchess's Stamp of Approval.

"So you're all on the run I gather? She does find everyone in the end but you should be okay at the safe house."

"I'm not afraid of her," Rob replied.

"You should be, she has a lot of power around these parts."

Madeline had fallen to sleep in her seat now and Rob didn't look too far off either. I was counting the stops to make sure we got off at six. I didn't trust Raheam to remind us.

"You guys want to know what the Duchess is doing now?" Raheam asked.

"Don't tell me you have a wind up box with a television screen inside?" Simon replied.

Raheam looked confused again, "No, of course not! That would be silly, the bus has a radio."

I got as comfortable as I could in the bus seat. The radio played some eighties pop song I had never heard of before then the presenter cut to a news bulletin. I was only half listening until I heard Rob.

"That's us that was. We're on the news." He sounded excited by the whole thing.

I listened to the presenter announcing that the Duchess believed us unclassified and dangerous and that they were going to start using Bloodsuckers.

Raheam sucked air loudly shaking his head.

"Sounds like you are all really got on the Duchess's nerves today. Bloodsuckers are awful. They look like a regular garden worm. But they don't eat dead grass, dirt or leaves like earthworms would. They get inside your body and then they go for the blood. The Duchess has them trained to attack intruders."

"That's silly. How would a worm get through my shoe," Rob asked.

"They burrow through. Slither their little selves through a boot in no time. Silent too."

The bloodsuckers frightened me and I found myself checking my shoe for small holes. Outside sunset was quickly giving way to nightfall. The bus droned on and we were at stop four already. Raheam insisted in stopping to wait at each stop to keep in with his timetable.

"I think we should just turn ourselves in," Simon suggested. None of us responded.

"Well it has to be better than these bloodsucker things," he explained.

"I notice everyone around here seems to dress like bears," Madeline said now more awake and ready to change the subject. Raheam was still focussing on the road nodded.

"Except you," Madeline added in a tone I thought sounded more like an accusation than a query.

Raheam shrugged his shoulders as though avoiding the question but after a long pause he answered.

"I err, I come from," he waved his index finger in the air.

"Like you," he offered as way of explanation.

Madeline nodded, "She approved of you."

" Yes," Raheam said brushing his mouth with his hand. Then he went back to focussing on the road.

There were less of the bear people around on the streets now. The ones that we did see around walked alone or in couples in streets lit by oil lamps.

"When you get captured and taken to the Duchess," Raheam began "I say when because you will get caught. I would appreciate it if you kept my name out of it."

"Why? Are you scared of her?" Rob replied.

"Yes," Raheam said sternly, "and if you children have any common sense you'd be scared of her too."

"Oh I am," Madeline replied.

I hadn't given meeting the Duchess much thought until then. As far as I knew we had gotten the wrong bus and no more than that. But something about the Duchess did scare me. Despite what Rob said I think it scared him too. We were strangers in a strange land on an even stranger bus. The Duchess's approval seemed to be all that mattered here.

We were at stop five. There were no passengers but Raheam stopped again anyway.

"That bear that was on here before," Robert said, "he robbed me."

"That's what he does, old Edward, stolen himself a fortune. They say he has a swimming pool in that big house of his. Full sized and full to the top with money."

"Yeah I'm not best pleased," Rob replied.

The bus took a turn that oddly did not feel like right or left and wasn't even on a road.

"Mr Akbar I think you've gone the wrong way," Madeline said.

Raheam waved her away and continued driving through what looked like a long grass field.

Then we were in front of a place looking a lot like Edward's mansion and the bus stopped.

Before I had chance to get up Raheam was waiting for us to get off.

"Come on move along, this is your stop."

"Isn't this Edward the man teddy's mansion?" I asked.

"I think the building is yes," Raheam said still waving me off.

"But doesn't Edward live there?"

Raheam screwed his nose up and made a humming noise in his throat.

"Right now it is a hotel."

"So it's a different building," I said as Madeline brushed past me to leave the bus.

"The same building at a different time," she explained as though it was just a matter of fact. Raheam smiled and nodded.

"Great so now I'm also supposed to believe that you can drive a bus through time," Simon said shaking away the cobwebs of the journey.

"You believe what you want to believe," Raheam said ushering Simon past.

"Please hurry they will be expecting you. The owners are the two owls on reception."

I swear Simon's look was so cold it could turn water to ice.

"That's just fine eh Tommy? We have a crazy Duchess but it is all okay because reception is being manned by a couple of owls."

I ignored Simon's moaning. Partly because I had come to accept what was happening and partly because I was getting used to it. Once we were off the bus the doors shut and Raheam was gone right away.

"This is the weirdest school trip in the world," Simon said buttoning up his jacket and heading for the building ahead.

* * *

#

# The Owl Couple's Guest House

Everything we had come across so far was odd. In the hotel we came across something that was finally normal. No it wasn't the hotel although its plain reception desk and ordinary fittings did look pretty much like any other hotel. It was the couple behind the desk. As Raheam had said the couple were both owls. Oddly I wasn't worried that they were talking owls. I was worried that they were arguing owls.

"Hello, party of four is it?" One of the Owl's asked.

As soon as he asked the other let out a sigh. "Stuart they're on the list. They booked."

The first owl used his claw to turn the page on the book in front of him.

"I can't seem to see it Jane dear," he murmured.

"Stuart you can never see anything." The other owl stomped across and pecked down on the paper quickly making an annoying tapping sound.

"Oh yes, Jane these are," Stuart the male owl said looking at the paper. "you're the er.."

"Yes, Yes, they are the unclassified ones," Jane said. "Should be under the name Akbar."

"Oh yes you came in on the bus," Stuart said ticking off the names with a pen hooked under his claw then he paused for a moment before turning to his partner.

"Jane dear can't we get into, well trouble, for holding unclassified people?"

"Stuart don't make me look silly in front of our guest's dear! I took them from Mr Akbar."

"I wasn't making you look silly. I was just pointing out that..."

"Well I think I will do the thinking don't you Stuart?"

I heard Stuart mutter something under his breath but he finished ticking the names on the list anyway.

"Sounds like you're having a bit of a domestic," Rob said showing he had the same big mouth as ever.

"They sound like my parents," Madeline muttered under her breath. I was lucky enough not to have heard my parents argue. My parents did moody silences and time alone but never outright arguments. From what I heard around school that wasn't the same for all parents and I knew it wasn't the case for Madeline. Her parents were in the process of getting a divorce. Although the divorce idea may have been worth mentioning to the owls. They seemed to quarrel constantly.

"Here is the key children. Now nobody knows you're here and as long as it stays that way..." Stuart looked over at Jane for approval before he continued. Jane gave a gentle nod.

"So long as you keep your heads down you are welcome to stay here as long as you need to."

I thanked the owl and we made our way through the corridor. The same corridor we had made our way through earlier with Edward the man bear. Although then it had been a totally different place in a different time and the hotel had been a mansion covered in cobwebs. Finally we got to the door and the owl began searching through his keys.

The room wasn't bad at all. Dave's older brother had a room at a university that looked similar. There were two sets of bunk beds and a separate small bathroom with a shower cubicle. We made for the beds right away. We took it in turns taking a shower and less than an hour later we were all more than ready for sleep.

I awoke at half one in the morning finding to my surprise that I wasn't the only one awake. Madeline had the bottom bunk of the bunk beds opposite and was as ever sat reading. I decided not to disturb her and to wait for sleep to come again but she had seen me stir.

"What do you think this is?" She asked.

"This hotel?"

"No, this whole thing. The bus, the man bear, everything?"

I thought about this for a while. We must have all considered that it wasn't real. But if it was not real what was it? Where were we?

"Can you remember how this started? The beginning?"

"No, nothing. I remember the bus. I remember the mansion but when I try to think one thing blurs into another."

"Like a dream," Madeline interrupted.

"Yeah," I heard my croaking sleepy voice reply.

It made sense. I couldn't remember everything clearly. Things ran from one thing to another. No beginning no ending just seemingly endless odd situations.

"So if it's a dream who is dreaming?" Madeline asked sounded somehow both smug and profound.

Again I found myself wondering, thinking, but not understanding. I knew that I was real. But for all I knew the others vanished when my head was turned. It must be the same for them with me. There had not been a moment during the whole time that we had been separated. Which one of us was dreaming of the Duchess and life sized teddy bears? Or was it the Duchess who was dreaming of us? I decided to leave that thought well enough alone.

I then drifted off. I would like to say to sleep but who knows? Maybe really I was tucked up in bed at home all along. I didn't sleep for long. The blackness of sleep was interrupted by swaying lights and the sound of movement. I became aware that everyone around me was awake but nobody was moving. The light that had woke me shone through the windows and to the back wall. I could hear Stuart the owl shouting at us to stay exactly where we were.

"It's the Duchess," he shouted.

"She's scanning the area for you now. You must all stay calm!"

Simon sighed annoyed at been woken from his sleep.

"I'm not scared of the silly old bat," Rob croaked but his voice quivered a little as he spoke.

Stuart was scared of the Duchess and not for the first time I wondered what sort of risk the Owl family was running by letting us stay.

We all lay there listening to the siren and watching the search lights in the distance. The Duchess seemed some way off but not far enough away to make it feel safe.

A recorded message kept playing from the Duchess.

"Unclassified beings! If you hear this give yourselves up for classification. The Bloodsuckers have been released."

After the message came a few seconds of backing music which seemed vaguely familiar.

"That sounds like Christmas music," Simon said.

"Maybe here Christmas music is a bad thing," I speculated.

"I'll tell you when Christmas music is a bad thing," Simon replied before exploding again into another bad temper. "It's a bad thing at four in the morning. That's when it's a really bad thing."

"She won't give up," Stuart said moving his head to look at us all the way only an owl could.

"I think she's closing in on you all."

"Don't you go scaring the children like that," Jane said appearing in the doorway.

She had carried hot drinks in her wings somehow gripping the mugs with strong claws.

"I was just saying that..."

"Never mind what you were just saying."

"No dear," Stuart replied. "I do not want to lie to them."

Stuart's words hit me hard. I did not drink much of the horrible tasting hot drink that the owls had made. It took a long time for sleep to find me again but despite the fear I did finally drift off.

* * *

#

# Hiding From Seagulls

I awoke from sleep and before I could remember where I was Jane's wing was pressed tightly over my mouth. Her beak pressed against my ear and she whispered"You're the last one to wake."

"The army are going door to door searching for you. I want you to get under that big pile of laundry."

I didn't question the owl and made for the giant laundry basket. I pulled as many of the hotel's bedsheets as I could on top of me. What I was left with was a tight squeeze but not at all an uncomfortable one and I did consider going back to sleep. I decided to look for a peek hole in the blankets. I felt that I needed a way to see out that would not give me away. I found what I was looking for in a threadbare area of sheets. Slowly I began to relax a little.

Looking round the room I could see that Rob and Simon had each clambered under the beds. With bare mattresses over the bed they were well hidden. I was confident we wouldn't be detected on a quick glance. But if the room was searched for more than that quick glance we wouldn't make it undetected. Then came the sound of the wings flapping. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of seagull moving at the same time. Through the windows I saw clusters of them dropping from the main flock to search street by street. The operation was as organised as any military march. There was a flapping by a window in one of the other rooms. Stuart rushed to let the seagulls in.

Jane was about to close the door behind her. Up until now she had seemed calm. But with the Seagull Army at the door the pressure was beginning to show. She was a twitchier owl than she had been earlier. Before shutting the door she took one last look around the room.

"You will be fine children, just please stay where you are, and please keep quiet. Absolutely silent, I mean it, don't even breathe."

I did exactly as she instructed except the no breathing part. Before long I heard the flapping of wings and the patter of claws moving up the corridor. The Seagulls must be checking each floor of the hotel in pairs. Taking a deep breath I tried to keep my breathing as steady as I could.

"I hear that Fifteen saw them in the tunnels under the mansion," One of the seagulls said to the other.

"You mean to tell me he didn't report them?"

"Yeah he reported them all right. Though he didn't know what an unclassified was and besides who would have thought they would make it out of those tunnels anyway."

The voices were coming closer now checking the room next door.

"Fifteen has got to have it wrong. If they were lost in those tunnels they're done for. The Duchess is probably doing all this for nothing. I don't know what she is afraid off."

"You ever seen an unclassified?"

"Nope, never, and I can bet you Fifteen hasn't seen one either."

The two Seagulls lanterns lit the room. I thought I saw one of them look directly under the bed which for a Seagull was almost at head height but he hadn't spotted anything. His friend was looking directly at the pile of sheets I was hiding under. I tried not to catch his beady little eyes but he waddled a little towards me and began tugging at the laundry on the top of the pile a little with his beak.

"What are you doing Twenty-Two?" The other seagull asked.

"I thought I saw the laundry move Twenty-Six. But it's clear there's nothing in here."

Then one of the seagulls did something unexpected. He made a noise like a seagull. I mean a real squawk. It was the first time in this place that an animal had made an animal noise rather than talk like a human. Somewhere downstairs another Seagull returned the squawk.

"They're all clear downstairs too," confirmed the other Seagull.

With that Seagull Twenty-Two flapped up to the door and made his way out.

Much like with the search lights earlier none of us moved for what seemed like a very long time.

Then in seemingly no time we were downstairs having breakfast with the Owls. It reminded me a little of my conversation that night with Madeline. Things were drifting together in an odd way. A way very different to how time usually passes.

"We can't stay here," said Simon. His sceptic self from earlier now washed away by a very real fear.

"We haven't got anywhere else to go though have we?" Rob added also now feeling much less brave.

"Simon's right," I said thinking aloud. "She must know we're around here and it's only a matter of time before she sends the Seagulls round again for a more thorough search."

We looked at each other gloomily with each of us munching on toast.

"You are welcome to stay another night but if the Duchess wants you out your best trying to get home," Jane the owl replied.

"That's always the goal isn't it," Madeline added. "Going home will put us against the Duchess. She wants us gone."

"If the Duchess doesn't want us here I'm fine with that," Simon announced "I would like to go home anyway."

"She isn't going to send us home," Madeline said dryly. "She wants to classify us whatever that means."

"I think we all know what we need to do next. If we can't stay here there is one way we can go."

"To the bus stop," Rob said to everyone's silent approval.

"Raheam Akbar maybe a bit miserable but he brought us here and if anyone can get us home it's him." I said summing up what I think the others were feeling.

"So that's our plan. We wait until dark. Then we go to the bus stop and hope that Raheam shows up," Simon said. It sounded hopeless but it was the best plan we had, because it was the only plan we had.

It wasn't long before the sun was a half orange disc in the distance. It dimly lit the field with a dying orange light. The tops of the long grass reflected back in the light. I had been to caught up in getting back home to admire where I was. The muddy path to the bus stop lay ahead of us and although it didn't seem to be a large field it took us some time to reach the main road.

Once at the roadside Madeline leaned on a signpost that read Wise-Owl's Guest House. The flap on the sign had been turned from Open to Closed.

"I bet they forgot to change this," she said turning the sign back round to read Open.

I took a look back across the field at the building that had been both wise owl's hotel and Edward's mansion. It reminded me of watching the school nativity play. Where the backdrop is used for both the innkeepers house and then the stable every year.

"Do you remember where the bus stop is?" Rob asked looking round at our blank faces. Simon was getting more impatient with every passing second.

"Look we know the hotel was on the bus route. If we start walking in either direction it should take us to the next stop."

He began walking leaving no room for argument.

We had spent a bit too much time at the guest house. The sun was almost down now giving way to total darkness. Some of the houses were lit by lamplight much like the hotel. Some of the house windows were lit using oil lamp placed in the centre. This place was not like London. There wasn't a single satellite dish to be seen on this street nor the flickering light of a television set. I began to worry that if we didn't find the bus stop soon we would be lost in total darkness.

"Found it," Simon remarked sounding quite pleased with himself. The bus stop's here were marked with only a sign at the side of the road. There were no built up shelters like London and so no protection against the wind and rain. Not that it was windy, or raining, it was just very cold. The weather seemed to have changed so fast to a mid December chill and darkness had fallen so early. Time again was playing tricks against us.

Weirdly I could not remember what time of the year it was. It didn't seem to matter here.

I asked Madeline what month we were in but she too could no longer remember.

"I would have remembered myself this morning," I said defensively. "But so much has happened since then and I am..."

"Not the same," Madeline finished my sentence, then continued. "But if you're not the same, the next question, is 'Who in the world are you?"

She had used the words of Lewis Carol but the point was clear. We were lost in a world that was not familiar with memories that seemed fragmented. Fragmented memories in a very fragmented world.

Too deep you think? People think odd things when they're being chased by an Army of Seagulls whilst looking for a bus in a strange place at night.

I didn't have much longer to think however because the bus was here. It was Raheam Akbar and he looked as happy to see us as he ever was. By that, naturally, I meant he looked pretty darn miserable.

* * *

#

# The Bloodsuckers Are Coming

"Come on get on board will you! I haven't got long," screeched the ever miserable Raheam.

"It's eleven at night," Rob said as he boarded the bus. "How come you seem to be the only bus driver round here?"

"You stood at a bus stop who do you expect to pick you up? The tooth fairy perhaps?"

"That would not shock me today," Simon responded and I could tell he meant it.

Once we were all seated the engine kicked in and the bus took to the road. Once again none of us asked where we were going.

"I left you at the hotel because I knew you would be safe there, why did you leave?" Raheam asked sounding a little annoyed.

"The Seagulls came," Madeline responded while searching through her bag of books.

"She set the Seagull Army on you all?" Raheam asked through his rear view mirror.

He smiled slightly and shook his head moving the bus into a higher gear.

"That Lilly is one mean woman."

There was a silence. No one mentioned right away that he had called the Duchess by name. Instead we were all listening for more. What we got was the growling of the bus engine and the noise of tyres running against a pot hole filled road.

"Lilly refused to classify me to begin with," Raheam said breaking his silence, "Her castle stands on a small island just off the coast. She summoned me there and locked me in the tower. Then one day she asked to see me."

"Is that when she offered you the bus?" I asked.

Raheam shook his head.

"At first she didn't offer me anything. She just had that miserable look on her face."

At the point about miserable faces in Raheam's story I was tempted to say something about a pot and a kettle but decided it best to keep my thoughts to myself.

"She was about to lock me back up again when I offered her something. She was shocked and let me out on the condition that I drove the bus."

"What did you offer her Simon asked."

Raheam straightened his tie and met our eager glares in the bus mirror.

"That is when I offered her my hand in marriage."

I don't think the shocked silence was quite what Raheam was expecting.

"Well don't all speak at once. I don't see what's so odd about it. I was single and the Duchess was single."

"You and the Duchess," I said.

"That's disgusting," Rob commented.

"Well thank you all for your opinion," Raheam replied. I think he was a little offended.

"And you would make such a happy couple," Simon responded, his sarcasm was lost on Raheam.

"I may have jumped the gun. Turns out she had classified me as the bus driver and that's what she had called on me for."

"So what you are saying is if we need to bargain with her we shouldn't try offering to marry her," Rob said sounding confused.

"I wasn't planning on doing that any day soon," Simon said.

"To stay here you have to get classified," Raheam told them.

"That's fine we would like to go home anyway," Simon added. Madeline nodded her approval.

"Let me think," Raheam offered.

"They will be searching for you at the exits. If she's using the Seagull Army it won't be long before the Bloodsucker's find you."

"Yeah well I'm not worried about some worms," Rob responded. His voice quivered a little betraying his words.

"I would be afraid of them," Raheam replied "Very afraid."

The Duchess can't use them right away. They are bred specially for a job like this. One Bloodsucker can lay a thousand eggs. They only respond to the Duchess calling them off. The problem is if she doesn't or if you don't get there in time they get into your skin and slither around inside your body."

As Rob listened to Raheam his eyes were getting wider.

"Can they hurt us?"

"Oh yes," Raheam confirmed nodding with a gleeful look in his eye.

"The problem with the Bloodsucker worms is that there are so many of them and they are silent. They can chew through anything, including your skin, and you wouldn't feel a thing until they were in your insides."

"What do they do in there?" Rob asked.

"Eat mainly and lay eggs so there are more of the little suckers to come. They can come from anywhere. The pipes, out the ground, anywhere. They're very good hunters too."

"I am getting the feeling there is a reason the elephant man went into hiding," I said. I felt afraid of the bloodsucking worms and didn't care who saw it. I didn't want them anywhere near me. Rob on the other hand seemed to have regained his annoying courage.

"Well I'm not worried about some worms. You know what I do to worms back home? I stamp on them. That's right I squash them."

Unfortunate for us this rant came with both stomping and hand raising gestures from a clearly frightened Rob. Finally feeling I suspect a little silly Rob sat back down.

After this we were left with the sound of the road and the view of lantern lit windows. Raheam occasionally glanced in his window to see how we were.

We've got to a point once more where I can't tell you how much time passed. I was enjoying the view from the windows and at a few points in the journey I almost fell asleep.

Looking around I think the others were as ready for sleep as I was. All of us but Rob had come from school though that seemed such a long time ago now. Simon buttoned his blazer. I suspect he did this not only to keep himself warm but to try to retain some kind of image. The trek underground through the water flooded cave's had almost destroyed the blazer. The prefect badge however remained perfectly intact.

I shifted my sleepy head to Madeline. Her uniform was looking worse for wear too. The jumper had become ripped and torn probably while we had been down those caves. Like Simon she had tried to keep some of her reputation intact. Her white headband remained untouched though the matching white tights were now ripped and laddered. Somehow remarkably the bag of books next to her had survived the ordeal.

I wondered if people naturally try to save the parts of them that are different. The bits that mark us as individuals. I also remember thinking about Duchess Lilly, and how difficult it was going to be for her to classify any of us as. We were a mixed bag to say the least.

Rob had pulled his whole body up onto two seats ignoring Raheam's stern look. He was dirty but largely untouched. His jogging trousers were more suited for exploring and he was wearing some old trainers. Odd as I focussed on his trainers, as my head dipped down for sleep. I saw something that I assumed had been a shoelace come undone. Then I knew it wasn't.

"Stop the bus!" I shouted, "The Bloodsuckers are here!"

* * *

#

# The Choice Not To Run

Splat!

Another one dead under my shoe. It was like a never-ending game of Whack-a-Mole.

There was only so much squishing we could do. The bus was overcrowding with the bodies of the menacing worms we had squashed and the live wriggling ones. None of us could break away even to run to the doors. There were just too many of them and they were too quick.

Rob had lost all the bravery he had wanted us to believe he had and was now openly crying and calling for his mother. Simon kept talking about how he didn't believe the worms would really get under his skin. But that didn't stop him from stomping on them every chance he had.

It was getting to the point where I had accepted that we would be overran by the worms. Raheam was stomping away keeping the driver's area as clear as he could. I met his eyes and he shrugged his shoulders as though he too was out of ideas.

"We could link up hands and keep treading on them. Maybe we could push our way to the door," I suggested.

"Great idea Tommy but then what?" Simon questioned.

"They've got Rob's scent now," Raheam told them. "They will just keep following you."

"I can't deal with them! I hate worms," Rob shouted. His face was now a bright shade of red and tears were rolling freely down his cheeks.

Although Rob's mouthy usual self often annoyed everyone none of us acknowledged that he was crying. I think we didn't mention it for two reasons. The first was pride. We all knew that Rob was exposed, to have mentioned that he was crying would have embarrassed him. The second reason was that it's difficult to talk about anything whilst you're trying to kill thousands of wriggling hungry worms that had us on the menu and also just happened to multiply no matter what you do.

Suddenly the bus doors flung open. I was shocked to see a familiar figure watching us from the doorway.

Ted the man-bear dived onto the bus quickly opening all the sliding bus windows. First he scooped a paw full of the dirty worms, chucking them out of the window as he went, then he flipped his walking stick round to expose a mirror on its end. The light reflected from his stick making a perfect line through the middle of the bus between us and the blood thirsty worms. They slithered in retreat away from the line. They seemed afraid of the line.

We all moved quickly to the same side of the line as the man-teddy. Once we were all on the right side of the line Ted moved the line further and further back. A few worms turned to dust as the reflected light passed over them. The majority slithered under the back seat of the bus.

Rob quickly put the seat back in place trapping the worms.

We all thanked the man-teddy, Madeline hugged him.

"I'll have to go back to the depot now and get that worm nest sorted out," Raheam said sounding a little angry. I looked at him and saw a small smile emerge on his face.

"Sure showed that Duchess though. I can't see her sending any more of those after you now."

"Are you okay Rob," Madeline asked.

Rob nodded and despite the dry tears on his cheek replied.

"Of course I am. Those suckers didn't scare me that much."

I could see Simon about to tell Rob exactly how scared he had looked but I shot him down with a glance that told him not to bother. Rob knew we had all seen. For me though that was the subject closed.

"Where do you want dropping off? I can't take you back to the depot," Raheam asked.

"Drop us off back at the hotel. The Owl's Place," Simon requested.

Raheam nodded.

"What stop are you Ted?" he asked.

"I think I will stay at the Owl's Place tonight as well."

Then Ted took his seat and steadily leant on his stick for support as he did. I was once again struck by what an odd site he was. The same size as a man but inside that full bear suit. The odd top hat and the walking stick. If you took away the bear suit he had the personality of the worlds most eccentric pensioner. Yet we knew that he lived in a mansion, that he swims in a pool of money, and that he was an outsider here like us.

The mood on the bus had changed. Before the suckers had attacked everyone had been sleepy. At best the group had looked tired, worn and pretty much defeated. Now we were all sat closer together and excited chatter passed between our lips.

"We saw off that old battle axe there," Simon said rubbing his hands together.

"I wonder what she's going to try next," Rob replied sounding excited and more than a little nervous. "I think we have hidden away from her enough," he added.

Simon nodded and without realising it I was nodding too.

"We want to get home. I say we stay at the hotel tonight and we ask to see the Duchess tomorrow."

"I think it's time. I'm not afraid of her now," I said and I meant it.

"We need to tell her the way it is. You can't go around classifying people. Telling them you approve or disapprove. Nobody has that right," Madeline added.

We all nodded.

"This place has it all wrong," I said. "I can't understand why everyone here has just sat back and let the Duchess have her own way for so long."

"Because nobody has taken it too her yet I would bet," Rob responded.

"So that's the deal," I said looking at each of them in turn.

"Tomorrow we go and find this Duchess together. We tell her that we are not here for classification and demand that she tell us the way home."

"If she can't classify us she won't want us here," Madeline said bleakly.

"So she should be more than happy to tell us how to get away," Simon answered sounding pleased.

"I miss normality. No suckers, no owl ran hotels or Seagull Armies, and no man teddy," he looked around quickly finding Ted. "No offence there."

"None taken," Ted responded.

"So it's decided," I said.

"It's decided," Simon responded.

"Decided. That battle axe is going down," Rob added.

"Count me in too," Madeline confirmed

"Raheam," I called, "Will you take us to the Duchess tomorrow."

Raheam shrugged his shoulders.

"If that's where you want to go. You will need to find a bus stop and"

"Yes, yes we know," Simon said interrupting Raheam.

"We find a bus stop and wait for you," Ted said if we were still in any doubt.

"You took my money," Rob said to Ted sounding like he had only just remembered.

Ted winked one of his big bear eyes.

"It never comes back."

"Well it should. That was my money."

"Rob will you stop arguing with him. He did save your life," Simon said stopping the argument for now.

We came close to the field near the hotel bus stop. This time I remembered clearly where the hotel was. I knew there was only three bus stops to go.

"You're sticking with these guys now Ted?" Raheam asked.

"Oh yes going to help them out against that Duchess,"

"Of course you are."

I was almost sure I saw Raheam smile and nod. The nod was slight but knowing.

I say almost sure as it had been a very long day.

The Duchess was trying to classify the unclassifiable. For the first time since the beginning of our journey we had made the choice to not run. We had all chosen to put an end to this even though we knew that could mean putting an end to the Duchesses reign and putting ourselves in more danger as part of the process.

As the bus rolled to the last bus stop I noticed that the radio was playing Christmas music.

I remembered now that it had been the middle of June. June 16th to be exact and yet the weather outside was more like a day in mid December.

* * *

#

# Back At The Guest House

The Owl's hotel was almost exactly as it had been before. I say almost as there was now one major difference. It was overcrowded with all kinds of talking animal. Walking to the reception I saw talking owls, laughing hyenas, and twitchy little mice in hurried conversation.

The atmosphere inside was enough to lift our spirits. We took a seat in the dining area next to reception.

"Hello children," Jane called flapping her wings and waddling from the reception desk.

"I knew having you stay would be good. I told Stuart but did he listen? Does he ever?"

"I noticed you were busy," Madeline replied.

Her voice sounded weak and Jane the Owl moved her head as only owls can to examine us all.

"A good night's rest and some food," she decided, "That's what you need. All of you."

I must admit the idea of food did interest me. Perhaps that wouldn't have been so had I known what was on the menu.

Simon was smiling and as he didn't do that too often I guess he liked the idea of food as well. At this point I should point out that all of us, except perhaps Simon, had dropped any pretence that this was an organised school trip. We had all come to terms with things being the way they were. We talked with owls and man-bears now and that was the end of it.

"Look," Rob shouted, "that's the Elephant Man from the tunnels""

I looked for myself and sure enough Elephant Man was sat for the first time above ground in who knows how long. He was no longer dirty, he looked smart, he was even wearing a suit. One thing remained the same though he was still eating crisps. He caught my eye and as far as I could tell he nodded ever so slightly.

Stuart came to the table next his little claws somehow carrying a tray load of mugs.

"Now that the word has gotten out about you children some of the others have come out of hiding. Until yesterday most these guys would have been afraid of the Duchess."

"We are not afraid of the Duchess," Rob reminded everyone although it was clear that it was both untruthful and needless.

I began sipping the contents of the mug but quickly spat it back out.

"What is this?" I asked Stuart trying not to sound too revolted.

"That is a hot beverage we call hot fox dung."

"Yeah of course it is. I should have known," Simon replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

I wondered about the hot drink I had taken from the Owl last night.

"It's pure," the owl replied, but unsurprisingly that wasn't the reply any of us was looking for.

"Could I perhaps just take a water," Madeline asked.

Stuart took one more little Owl look around, gave a nod and deciding that people and hot fox dung don't mix began moving the mugs back on the tray.

"Oh all right. But you helped us so feel free to take whatever you want from the buffet. Anyone want any centipede on toast?" The owl looked round again before concluding, "Suit yourselves."

We all made the best of it. We scraped the centipede off of the toast and ate it dry, then we searched for other food that looked vaguely edible. Jane then showed us to our room. It was exactly the same as it had been a night earlier when we were hiding from the masses of the Seagull Army.

Little was I to know that before the night was over things would get worse. Much worse.

It is the way of the timeless dream. We would never get time off. Our time to rest. The hope and comfort we all felt had come at a price.

Outside the cosy, warm, hotel room snow had begun to fall. Slowly at first and then faster under the bleakest of clouds.

I told Geoff that I was battling to find sleep against the cold.

* * *

#

#  Intermission

I hadn't told Mr Huntington all of this in one go. This was my third or perhaps fourth visit. I would not have continued the story but every time I went to see him he peered from behind that newspaper and asked for what had happened next. Mrs Huntington meanwhile refilled tea, brought out cakes, and kept up that polite smile as much as she could. It didn't disguise her disbelief for one moment. But it was nice of her not to say as much aloud.

Geoff on the other hand initially had seemed the same. But now he would ask for details and for the most part he seemed interested. It's how people are you see. It struck me talking to Geoff that some people never stop believing in the impossible.

"What about the man-bear?" Geoff asked.

It was the first comment he had made this visit. So far he had sat and listened giving only the occasional nod.

I thought about the hotel and for the life of me I couldn't remember where the man bear had gone. I told Geoff as such and he pulled a sour face.

"Did you trust him? The man bear?" Geoff asked.

"Honestly no, not at that point, actually I don't think I ever did trust him," I replied after giving it some thought.

"You thought he was in with the Duchess?" Geoff asked.

I shook my head.

"No, I just knew he was out to help himself, and himself only."

Mrs Huntington rose to her feet and began clearing away the tea mugs.

"Another cup?" she asked.

"No thank you," I replied standing up.

"I should really be going."

Geoff saw me to the door and I assured him I would continue the story tomorrow night after school. It was drizzling with rain as I began making my way back across the two zebra crossings. The black clouds were above me and the cold breeze reminded me of being in that hotel room on that night.

When I had been faced with talking man bears, elephant men, seagulls and owls the cold seemed somehow worse. Compared to those others the cold seemed a very real danger in an unreal world. That is what I was thinking as I buried myself into the sheets trying to get warm.

I had left the Huntington's because it was getting late and because I hadn't worked out how to tell them about the end yet. About the cold, our hopes ,and about coming face to face with the judgemental Duchess of Disapproval.

But also because the next part of the story is where it got difficult. It was hard to describe. But I was to make sure Geoff heard the end and you will too.

Yes the cold was coming in. The real danger in an unreal world was coming. It turned out to be one of the most terrifying nights of my entire life.

* * *

#

# The Snowmen

"It's freezing in here," Simon shouted.

"Surely them Owls have central heating," Rob said.

We could hear the jingling bells. But here they foretold a warning rather than a pleasure.

"Didn't that radio say something about Santa?"

I vaguely remembered but at that moment in time I was more interested in getting warm as quickly as possible.

Even before that night I admit I have always found Santa Claus a little creepy. He enters your room, watches you sleep, and drinks at every house he visits. My mother had tried getting me to sit on his knee as a child but it just wasn't happening. No amount of sweets was going to change that. Mum spent most of her spare time telling me not to accept sweets from strangers. The next thing you know I was being told to sit on the strangers lap and talk to him. Well four-year old Tommy was no fool just as Tommy now was no fool.

As we all lay in our beds there came a rusty creaking sound. The sound of metalwork, a trolley perhaps, being pushed down the corridor.

"The Owls," Madeline assumed aloud.

"I don't think so. It is two in the morning," Simon answered. His voice shook a little and we all knew what he was thinking. This was the work of the Duchess.

I knew they were all thinking the same. It was written in the lines of fear on each face. Then the door began to open and a metal trolley creaked its way through the door. On it were three unhappy looking model snowmen complete with a wind up handle.

The snowman on the left had an unhappy face made of currents and a nose made of a freakishly odd-shaped half carrot. The result was that it looked as though it was missing half a nose. There was a smaller child like snowman in the centre of the trolley and a snow-woman to the right. The mother and child were just as deformed as the one on the left. The child snowman seemed somehow worse as he had his hand in an odd place as though trying to pass us something.

"What do you suppose was in his hand?" Simon sounded intrigued.

"I guess the only way were going to find out is by winding it up."

I offered the suggestion but that is all I was offering. My Santa phobia had set in and I wasn't touching those demonic looking snowmen ever.

Madeline looked around at us and, seeing no offers, began winding the handle to the left of the cabinet. I assume through a gramophone at the back we heard music, Christmas music, and a tune I recognised but with sound slower than it should have been. As though coming from a broken record player or a recording played in slow motion. The Snowmen's voice sounded deep and somehow other worldly. The song was _Santa Claus is Coming To Town._

You better not shout,

you better not cry,

You better not pout I'm telling you why,

Santa Claus is coming to town.

The lyrics came out sounding more like a threat than the uplifting Christmas melody I was used to.

The snowmen moved about in an off rhythm dance. Circling each other on rails and delivering the most chilling message I have ever heard.

We looked at each other and we all came to the understanding that Christmas here was not like Christmas back home. The child snowman offered up a small piece of paper after singing about seeing us sleeping and knowing when we were awake. Madeline took a moment to study the scrolled out note. Then sounding terrified she turned to the rest of us.

"It says that Santa Claws requests our company tomorrow night. They are sending the bus for us,"

Yes Claws was spelt Claws not Claus.

"Where does he want to meet us?" Simon asked

"The North Pole," Madeline answered him.

Simon waived his hand dismissively.

"Of course he does," he replied but his sarcasm now reeked of desperation and none of us were non-believers any more. Here Santa Claws was very real and obviously meant something very different to the jolly, if slightly creepy, old fat guy at home who gave out presents.

The room went very quiet and slowly the fear drained away leaving me very cold. I watched the snowfall slow down outside. The icicles around the room slowly melted away.

Despite the coldness of the night I was able to get some sleep. When daylight broke the snowmen were nowhere to be seen but I was in no doubt that it had all been very real.

Jane the Owl opened the door with hot mugs of something attached to her claws.

"Sleep well?" she asked.

"Yes," Rob said "Apart from the evil snowmen visiting us in the middle of the night."

The Owl almost dropped the mugs as she listened on in disbelief.

* * *

#

# The End Game Begins

Pale faced and sleep deprived we made our way from the hotel.

The four of us walked through the hotel that was still filled with elephant men, talking owls, and countless other talking animals. All of us knew that in this place we were the outcasts. Being the odd one outs felt unusual but had banded our group together.

I knew that Rob looked like a thug but was actually not a tough guy at all. He used tough words but inside he was more frighted than the rest of us. Simon hated not having the answers. He liked school with its rigid schedule and he was a little power hungry. Madeline lived in her own world and seemed to not notice nor care for the surrounding world much. She had adapted best to the high strangeness of our journey.

I could see all these things in my fellow travellers, who were now my friends, and it made me wonder what they saw when they looked at me. One of us remained an enigma though. That odd man bear who walked on a few feet behind us wearing a top hat. Keeping to himself and looking, as far as I could tell for a man in a bear suit, a little smug.

"I'll mention it if none of you will," Rob began.

"The snowmen," I replied.

The group turned their attention from Rob and focused on me.

"What do you suggest?" Simon asked.

We had walked through the field and back to the bus stop. By this time we were almost there. Despite the cold and the occasional flakes of snow the sun was out and it felt like we were in a snow globe that had been shaken up last night and was finally beginning to settle.

"I don't think we will get home. Not unless we speak to the Duchess," I said slowly.

Nobody argued my point. I suspected that they felt the same way and that I was speaking the thoughts in their heads. For a while we did what people at bus stops do all around England. We waited in silence.

As predicted the bus came along and it's doors hissed open.

"Come on, I am a busy man, I don't have all day," Raheam bellowed at us ushering us on with one impatient hand.

I slouched into the familiar bus seat. The engine noise started, Raheam checked his mirror and pulled out onto an open and featureless road.

"We had a visit from Santa Claws," Simon told Raheam shouting over the engine noise.

Raheam shook his head and made a tutting sound.

"The Duchess's right hand man. That's not good. I got a message too telling me to take anyone suspicious to the North Pole."

" Do you think we can hide from Santa?"

"No," Raheam said decisively waving one finger in the air to let us all know he was making an important point.

"He sees you when you're sleeping. That's why the Duchess uses him."

"I think it is time," Edward the man bear rose steadily to his feet and faced us all. Stood in front of us a bus load of teens was the first and only time we could have looked anything like a school trip.

The man bear leaned on the seat nearest him and stood uneasy as he talked.

"Tommy boy you are right about taking it to the Duchess. She has already come after you with Seagulls and Bloodsuckers. Now she has her right hand man Santa Claws hunting you down and sending snowmanagrams."

"Is that even a word?" Simon replied his eyes rolling.

"The threat you received from the snowmen," the man bear said as though it was a regular, every day, normal occurrence.

"The fact is that she will send more. Wave after wave of them. You saw the elephant man? He has been running his entire life."

The man bear looked around the bus at all of our faces.

It was the moment where we all had a choice to make. I had already made my choice and I moved to a seat on Ted's side of the bus.

"Like I said earlier. I don't think we will find a way out unless we see the Duchess. She knows how to get us out of here. So for that reason alone, count me in."

Madeline was next to stand. She took a look around at us all then focused on Ted as she spoke.

"The Duchess is a bully. She forces people to live their lives the way that she thinks that they should and no other way. I hate that. So for that reason I'm in."

She sat back down prompting Rob to stand.

"I agree she is a bully. She gets away with it because so many people are scared of her. Well I am not afraid. I think it's time someone showed her that."

Rob turned his attention to Ted.

"But that doesn't mean I trust you."

He pointed forcefully at Ted who smiled a little. Rob sat back down and as he did all eyes were on Simon.

"It doesn't matter what I think because if I disagree then I will be on my own. The truth is I think we should be focusing on finding a way out not going up against the Duchess. She is authority here and we are strangers. What right do we have to question her ?"

Although Simon did not agree with us he made it clear he would be sticking around at least.

"Every right, question everything," I heard the man bear mumble.

It was decided that despite Simon's reluctance we would accept the snowmen's invitation and visit Santa Claws. I guessed if he was the Duchess's right hand man and he had invited us it was as good a place as any to start.

"Right ahead please Raheam," Ted shouted "North."

I noticed the man bear had sat himself on the seat nearest Raheam. The two were just out of my hearing range but I did make out a little of their conversation. They were on Ted's favourite topic, money. Then they laughed as though they were sharing a private joke. Ted's eyes met mine and he seemed to stop laughing right away as though he had been caught out or something but he continued to smile knowingly.

Now we had decided on fighting instead of running there was an atmosphere of anticipation on the bus. The quiet mutterings of conversations about everything and nothing was all around me.

The outside landscape altered almost right away. Now from the windows I could see the road was not bare but weaved in and out of large snow-covered mountains. We even picked up more man bears at bus stops and dropped them off further on up the same road. It reminded me of the conversation I had with Madeline back at the Owl's hotel. About how things here drifted together with very little regard to the rules of time.

One thing I felt right there was that we were now in a new phase of our journey. I think we all felt it really. We were playing the endgame.

* * *

#

# The North Pole

Raheam looked at us in that impatient way only Raheam could. He had stopped somewhere in the middle of the snowy mountains and was making it clear that this bus went no further.

"Well," he said gesturing to the door.

For someone who met so many people everyday people skills were not Raheam's thing.

I got off the bus and zipped my coat all the way to the top. The landscape looked cold and bleak. What looked like a snowy winter scene quickly became an endurance test.

"Santa lives just to the left of that mountain," the man bear told us.

Simon shot the man bear down with an awkward sideways glance.

"What is it son?" The man bear responded coldly, "lost your bottle?"

Simon shook his head and chose not to take the lead. Rob was rubbing his hands together trying to warm them in what was a practical way of warming up and a way of telling us all to hurry up at the same.

I led the way in the end again making the decision for our group. I was up front closely followed by Rob, Simon who was chatting to Madeline and sulking on behind them by a good few feet was Ted the man bear. I wondered if he always walked behind us so if trouble did come our way he would be far enough away to either run or deny all knowledge. Whichever it was he made me feel uncomfortable. To me this was our first and only shot at doing something other than running. That seemed important. But it was made difficult by the elderly man-teddy who seemed to be watching our every move.

Walkway paths were scarce and when we did come across them they were very narrow. Soon we were walking in a valley between two huge mountains. It was hard to tell how long we had spent in the colourless Christmas card landscape because as I mentioned time didn't seem to matter. As we saw more patches of the sky I could see in the distance the black smoke of a chimney.

Most of us have a mental image of what we think Santa's workshop should look like. With the reindeer out back and elves working happily. The factory that came into view was little like I imagined. The grotesque grotto stood as imposing and intimidating as any castle could be. I was about to walk right up to the door when the man bears claw stopped me in my tracks.

"He is not in," Ted said. "Look the flag is not out."

"He has a flag like the Queen?" Madeline replied.

"Who?" Ted asked sounding quite sincere.

"Santa Claws has had a flag since the Duchess put him in charge of The North. I'm sure that right now he is out."

"Sound's like a good time for us to take a look around then," Rob responded starting to walk towards the factory.

"Let's try to get round the back," I suggested. I hoped that we would go unseen. If we could get inside and find out where the Duchess was without meeting Santa all the better. That had already caused me enough trauma as a kid.

The factory had a very large back garden complete with more ghastly snowmen and some stables.

The snowmen were scattered in various horror stricken states. Many looked mutilated in some way or other. One was actually split in half. They formed a surrounding semi circle. Like a boarder to an already horrifying Christmas lights display.

I peered inside the stable to see the sleeping bodies of two reindeer. They did not look friendly and I was happy that they were sleeping.

"Looks like they are out of it," Simon whispered.

The nearest reindeer to us made a low pitched growl and snarled his teeth. As quiet as the growl was someone in the factory had heard so we dashed behind a stack of straw while an angry looking elf opened the door and began to look around.

"What is the matter with you today Thunder?" The elf asked as he waddled to the stable.

"I bet you would love it to be someone trespass wouldn't you Thunder? There is a lot of meat on a trespasser."

The elf spoke loud enough for us all to hear and I began to wonder if we had been spotted and were being warned to stay away. The elf took a brief look around before deciding there was nothing of interest going on.

"The little people are usually friendly," Madeline said. "Snow White's Dwarves, the Munchkins, even the Um-Pa Lumpas."

"Well that little fellow didn't look all that friendly to me," Simon answered bluntly.

"Maybe it is time you stopped quoting those stupid books."

The man bear interrupted their conversation.

"All we need is a way in."

"The snowmen have eyes," Rob said.

I saw instantly that he was right. One of the ghastly looking snowmen indeed had a lens for an eye.

"Perfect. spying snowmen," the man bear exclaimed. "We can use the spying snowmen against them."

"What do you mean?" Simon asked the bear.

"Simple. All you have to do is distract them son," the man bear replied in that voice that always sounded like the oldest and wisest in the universe.

"I don't trust him," Rob responded pointing an accusing finger at the bear.

Once again the group seemed to be awaiting my decision. I began to ask myself if I actually was the leader of the group now. If I was then who had decided and was I up to the job?

"Well," I began aware of the eager eyeballs patiently waiting for my decision.

I took a look at the man bear and shrugged.

"We have no better ideas," I offered.

"I will jump around a bit in front of one of those spying snowmen. When I do that you all sneak in the door."

With that Edward the man bear was eccentrically jumping in front of one of the snowmen. He tipped his hat to the mechanical menace. Then he took one of the snowmen's deformed arms and danced as though the snowman was his dance partner.

Sure enough after mere seconds of the man bears exhibition he had an audience of ten to twelve evil elves watching his display through their unhappy narrow eyes and their frowning little faces. The man bear had his audience. It was time for us to make our move and cautiously, one by one, we made our way past the sleeping reindeer through the unlocked door.

Once through the door the place smelled of sweat and oil. I felt a great amount of responsibility as the others looked to me for direction. I never felt like a hero. All I could feel was the grip of responsibility tightening in my chest. The workshop was on two floors. The first floor had a balcony overlooking the ground floor. It was on this ground floor that the elves worked on the electronic chips. Chips that were being fitted to a whole range of digital music players. The second floor looked empty so I decided that route safer. I made a dash for the staircase closely followed by Rob, Madeline and Simon.

The rooms on this second floor were labelled in similar fashion to the classrooms at school. Most were workshops until the room at the end which was labelled in red with the word Santa. I headed for the door being careful to crouch under the windows of the other workshops and staying far enough left so as not to be seen by the army of elves working bellow.

"Okay huddle up," I called to the others.

"I think it would be best if we went straight into his office and took a look at his papers, or maybe his computer. See if we can get any information on this Duchess," I whispered.

The others looked back at me with worry. There was a little nodding which was all the agreement I needed. Slowly I turned the metal door handle in front of me and pushed the door open just a little. But the door was swung wide open and I was staring at the big black boots of the man named Christmas himself. Behind me I could see that the elves had been alerted and had cut off any hope of escape.

"Look what I got for Christmas," the not so jolly one chuckled as we stood helpless and exposed.

* * *

#

# The Man of Christmas

He stood before us looking unfriendly. I was reminded right away of the rhyme named _The Night Before Christmas._

He had a broad face and a little round belly,  
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

This Santa's belly was not shaking and he definitely was not laughing.

Despite my low view on Santa I knew right away that the man stood above me was not Santa. At least he was not the Santa I recognised from home.

"Well children I guess you have come all this way," Santa spoke leaving his door open and waddling into his office.

Oddly as I watched him I wondered. Did Santa drink at every house? That could not be true. He would never have time for the toilet breaks. Mr Huntington barely gets through an hour before heading off to the toilet. Santa gestured for us all to sit. It felt a little like sitting in the head teachers' office.

"I am a busy man children. So what I want to know of you be this. Why?"

"Why did you sneak in here? Why is the duchess interested in you? And mainly why is there a guy in a bear suit dancing around in my back yard. Why? Why? Why?"

As he said that last bit of his sentence the old headteacher-like Santa slammed his fist down and looked at us all. None of us met his gaze right away.

"The Duchess sent you after us and we got a message to meet you," I offered weakly.

"We thought if we knew where the Duchess was we could convince her to let us go home," Madeline added.

Santa's face softened.

"My dear girl. The Duchess does not have me go after unclassified like you. She comes to me for information. I see everything you see. I know each of you at your best and I know each of you at your worst."

"Has she got the information on us?" Madeline asked.

"I am rather afraid she has," Santa replied without sounding bothered or concerned.

"What will she do with the information?" Rob asked.

Santa looked over those glasses pushed down to his nose and looked inconvenienced again.

"She classifies you. That is all."

Not fazed by what Santa had said I decided to give him the reason we were in his office in the first place.

"Where is the Duchess? Can you take us to her?"

The Man of Christmas grunted and shook his head.

"It would seem you children have come a long way for nothing. My elves will see you out. Good day to you."

Madeline pushed her way to the front of our group to face the Man of Christmas. Now she did meet his gaze as she spoke.

"Did you know that there was a Christmas story where a man refuses to say Merry Christmas and instead chooses to say good day? That man saw the error of his ways."

"Once again, good day children," The man of Christmas snapped unmovable on his decision.

Simon took Madeline's shoulders and guided her to the left a little so he could address Santa

"You know what. Where I come from the way you look, the red suit and the beard, it represents something. It represents the joy in giving. It means something to people. You are instantly recognised anywhere as the Man of Christmas. I think you get some of that here too. Otherwise why have the elves down there making computer chips for music players?"

"Children, the elves are making memory chips that I hide in music players to save all your details on to and really I can not help you."

It looked like Madeline was going to try again but Simon had already moved towards the door.

"Don't bother Madeline, in fact none of us should try this. I think it is clear to all of us now that this is not an organised school outing. The fact is that we have ended up somewhere foreign to us, somewhere we know nothing about."

I turned my focus away from Santa to face Simon. He had held onto the pretence of the school trip longer than any of us.

"I think that because it is somewhere we know nothing about we have to respect it." Simon shifted his weight from foot to foot as he spoke. "By that I mean it is different here. I think that we need to respect that it is different to what we are all used to and that perhaps we have no right to change it."

I think for the most part he was right. The others joined him in heading towards the exit when the Man of Christmas spoke.

"Simon you are a wise young man. Children, I hope you listened to what he just said," he then put some papers down in a neat pile and turned his attention to us all once more.

"Everyone knows where the Duchess is. The big castle made of sand on the island just of the beach. That is where you will find her."

Raheam had mentioned an island but I wondered how we would get there. An island in the middle of the ocean hardly seemed like a place that Raheam could drive the bus to. Then the Man of Christmas spoke as though he had read my mind. Which he probably had on account of him knowing everything and being sort of, well, Santa. He glanced up one last time from the papers on his desk, pulled that inconvenienced face, gave a sigh then said.

"You had better go get Ted. I will take you as far as I go, and keep my name out of it."

The excitement and fear were building as I went to collect the man bear who was still outside dancing with his snowman's hand.

* * *

#

# In A One-Horse Open Sleigh

I can't describe to you exactly what I was thinking as I pulled the sleigh seatbelt tight.

I had a vague memory of being ready for a school trip. Then I had liked the mystery, not knowing where I was going had made it all more exciting. That was before I was joined by the man teddy and chased by seagulls, bloodsuckers and a mad Duchess who wanted to classify me neatly into one of her tidy little categories.

At that very moment in time I was amused by the fact that Santa's sleigh really does have seatbelts. Despite what I had seen already I still felt uneasy about what was about to happen. Ordinarily I wasn't great in the air, not fantastic I admit. In a plane my stomach turns at take off, I don't look down the whole way and the less said about the landing the better. This however was different. I had been in the air using the technology and comfort of a full passenger plane. Today I would be flying supposedly with the use of flying reindeer that are fuelled, I assume, by plants and the odd lemming they might have eaten. While we were on that topic don't lemmings fall off cliffs anyway? I really hoped that these reindeer were not what they eat.

I thought about the time I had been in the car with my mother and the red engine warning light had come on. How much worry and anger it had caused when we had needed to change our plans and head for the nearest garage. The problem here was that reindeer did not have that red warning light. Their pilot was an ancient looking grouchy old man who claimed to be Santa but in truth he could have been anybody. I had not asked him for any identification and I wasn't sure Santa even had a passport. If he did which country would he be registered with? It was whilst I was having these nagging doubts that Edward the elderly sounding gentleman I mentioned earlier, whom as well as being a thief liked to dress as a bear, pulled his seatbelt very tight.

He then looked at me and said "Brace yourself."

You would think that a ride on the most famous sleigh in the world would be the experience of a lifetime. Being up above the clouds looking at the world sleeping below. I am sorry to report that the reality wasn't quite as majestic as all that. The sleigh was pulled forward into a chimney-like upward tunnel. From then all I could see around me looked like the blue waves of the ocean mixed with static electricity. It had more in common with my flight to Spain last year, only with more turbulence. Every now and again I got a glimpse of the world below. When I did it looked very beautiful if a little blurry.

I was more like looking out of the window while driving on a motorway than holding on to a snowman's arm and flying. We existed in the air and yet seemingly outside of time. I got to thinking that this was how the last few days had felt. I existed outside of time, and outside of rules and boundaries of our normal world.

...

"Well dear, you got to ride in Santa's sleigh. That's wonderful," Mrs Huntington said with that big old woman smile. She still didn't believe a word and honestly? I could not blame her.

"More tea," she offered already sliding away into the kitchen. Geoff gave her a nod as did I.

Geoff waved his index finger and began his recap. He did this from time to time

"So now there's you, your friends from school, Santa and the bear man right?"

I nodded.

"They're taking you to the Duchess of Disapproval to get approved off?"

"That is it yeah."

Geoff looked round the door checking that his wife was still making the tea and out of earshot.

"The missus doesn't think we should talk to you about a man bear and a Duchess. Thinks it feeds an unhealthy imagination. It probably does, however, I would not mind hearing how this ends up."

I wasn't offended. I knew that Mrs Huntington didn't believe what I was saying and in a way neither did Geoff. But it didn't matter because Geoff took interest enough to want to hear my story before calling his judgement. Geoff was like that all the time. He an took interest in whatever I was interested in and could hold conversations on video games and the latest films. But I digress.

I stared blankly at Geoff who met my gaze and swirled his index finger around a time or two.

"It's getting late Tommy," he said.

I took a look at the clock. I had to go home in fifty minutes. Just about time to tell him of the Duchess.

"So there's you, your friends and a man bear in the sledge," Geoff began as both a reminder for me and a prompt to carry on.

..

We came to the coastline. Now I could see the sandy beach as the sleigh descended. The beach was deserted and it was the first time I had seen a place this empty. It was a little unnerving to see miles and miles of bare sandy beaches

Ahead of us, standing out from the sky so blue it looked like a stage backdrop, was the sandcastle. It looked just like one I had made on the beach a few years back. Making that sandcastle had taken me over three hours. It had four towers and a moat. This sandcastle was almost identical. Well apart from being the largest building that I had ever seen.

Santa Claws began the sleigh's descent.

"This is as close to the Duchess as I need to go," he said apologetically slowly guiding his evil-looking reindeer nearer to the ground.

"There is a road going to the castle but you can only get there when the tide washes out."

When I dared to look below I could see Raheam Akbar's bus navigating the winding narrow roads along the coast. I don't think I had ever been happier to see him.

It felt like my brain was squeezing against my forehead as the Man of Christmas turned and lowered the sleigh a little more. I think he had found the place he was going to land.

"The Duchess will look at each of you. She will know everything about you and will use that knowledge against you," he warned.

"Oh that won't work on me. I am not afraid of anything or anyone," Rob replied.

"That is what they all say," Claws grunted.

The sleigh then seemed to bounce for a second and then I felt sand in my face. It was kicked back by the reindeer as they had tried to steady their feet adjusting from air to ground.

Santa turned to face us for the final time.

"When a person gets presented with exactly what they are it is very hard to not be frightened."

"That is silly. Why would I be afraid of myself?" Rob dismissed.

"It is wise to fear yourself more than you fear anyone else in the world," the Man of Christmas responded forcefully.

"You sir," he pointed at Simon.

"You have it right. Respect the culture where you are, no matter where you are."

"What if we are different? What if we don't fit in here?"

Claws heard Simon's question but did not respond. He took some sweets from his pocket.

"Take them," he demanded.

"Everyone who sees Santa should get a little something.

"There's a bus stop just up there. I think it is running a little late."

I had no doubt Raheam would be there soon enough, because we needed him, and in this land that was enough.

It would soon be time to climb aboard that bus one last time.

* * *

#

# The Last Ride

We were back on the ground and just like everything else that had come before him. the Man of Christmas became a distant memory, just another dream breaking up in the light of the morning.

We were left on a beautiful sandy beach looking upon water so blue it could have been drained right out of the school swimming pool. Well minus the patches of green that were in the school pool.

Across the water, on the horizon. was the Duchess's castle. It looked like a grand sand sculpture, like damp sand, but I would bet that up close the walls were as solid as those in my house. Perhaps the chambers inside were as dingy, dirty, and bloody as those in the tower of London. I shuddered hoping that we would not have to find out. The tide had already begun to wash away revealing the road and Raheam's bus would soon be able to use it. We knew it was coming as we had seen it from the air.

We did not speak much to each other. The ever-present feeling was that we had spoken enough and were now comfortable in each others silence. However with the silence also came the dread. We made our way to the bus stop feeling once more like strangers at a strange bus stop. The man bear followed us lagging sluggishly behind. There were a few seagulls circling the castle. I wondered if Sergeant Fifteen, whom we had met whilst we were in the caves, was amongst the Seagull Army on duty today.

Time passed. Like before I couldn't tell you how much. Time passed differently here. I heard the roar of the bus engine and from around one of the cliff's Raheam's bus appeared. The brakes made an almighty screech as it stopped and once again the doors opened.

"I do hope you are not expecting me to drive right up to her castle?"

He waited a moment then seemed to answer his own question with a sigh.

"All right jump in and hurry up. I am late as it is."

"You know the white rabbit was always late," Madeline said as she climbed into her seat.

"Yes," Raheam replied.

"But the white rabbit did not have to worry about the small practicality of the tide. That road is only usable for an hour a day. It takes twenty minutes to drive up there and twenty minutes to get back and you have just wasted ten minutes talking about a darn white rabbit."

I was already sat down whilst Madeline was talking but I saw Rob and Simon clambering quickly into their seats. Before they were sat properly Raheam had his foot on the gas bumping them about and was making his way to the road across the water leaving behind us a cloud of sand.

Then there was a smashing sound as one of the bus windows shattered into a million pieces. The Army of Seagulls began to swarm in. Despite the speed of the bus, the Seagull Army had found us, and were protecting the sandcastle. They first began pecking at Ted as he warned them off with his stick. I ran to the open window and tried to push the invaders back with my bare hands. The seagulls beaks were razor sharp and there were so many that I struggled to keep them away.

Then there was almighty crash as another of the gulls had done a kamikaze dive shattering yet another window. Rob went into full fight mode to try to keep them out but I heard another window crash, and then another, and another. It seemed the Duchess had an unlimited supply of troops in her army.

"She was expecting you," the man bear shouted waving his stick frantically in the air. He seemed elated, enjoying the battle. Behind him another window smashed and a flood of claws and beaks came in.

"My bus," Raheam shouted. "My wonderful bus! Look the sea is coming in, we will never make it in time."

"Raheam," Ted shouted, "Reverse the gear."

"What good would reverse do?" Raheam called back.

"The other reverse gear."

Raheam put his thumbs up and moved his gear to a position I had never seen used on any car or bus and we picked up speed fast. It was harder for the Seagull Army to time their attacks and the crashes against the windows lessened. When I looked outside I saw that the bus was not travelling on the road any more. We were airborne.

"Of course it does," Simon responded in that same old sarcastic manner.

Quickly I threw the sweets that Claws had given me out of the window and the Seagulls that were still inside the bus dived out of the windows or squabbled between themselves.

"That was close. I had forgotten this bus had a sixth gear, the flight mode," Raheam said wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"Seagulls have a pretty good flight mode too." Madeline mumbled, "and the thousands of them are up there waiting for us."

Raheam looked back at us. Then I knew what defeat looked like. His eyes rolled back and he shook his head. "Any ideas?" He asked.

My head jerked back violently into the headrest and the world turned to black.

* * *

#

# Defeat At The Hands Of A Duchess

When I woke I found that the impact of the crash landing had completely destroyed the bus. All the windows had been smashed and the frame looked like it was just about ready to collapse.

Raheam stood by the wreckage with his hands placed on his hips.

"Yeah, it is a right off," he said sounding strangely calm.

He heard me stirring and smiled. I saw the others scattered about the ground. I looked around quickly checking everyone was okay. Rob was laid to my left, Simon to my right and Madeline just above me. The man bear was now standing and admiring the damaged vehicle with Raheam. We were all there and, apart from looking like we had been dragged through a racecourses worth of hedges backwards, we were fine.

"My books," Madeline cried collecting the hardbacks from places they had been thrown.

"All these years I have been the bus driver. Now I have no bus to drive," Raheam said.

"We are really sorry about that," Simon said slowly reaching his feet.

"It's all right," Raheam answered and for the first time he sounded more soft spoken. "In fact it was probably about time."

"What's next?" Rob asked. "Shall we sneak up on the Duchess?"

"I think that opportunity passed when we crashed a bus into the side of her castle," Raheam answered.

"She will be on her way. So I will wish you all good luck. Chances are you will need it."

Raheam walked away.

We were not alone for very long. Raheam was right that the commotion of the smashed wall had alerted the Duchess and the woman herself was making her way towards us. The only time I had seen a face like hers was when I trampled over my mother's pansies to get to my football a few years back.

I could not believe what happened next. The man bear finished dusting his top hat off then presented himself to the duchess with what looked like a curtsy.

"Hello Duchess. I have with me the unclassifiable ones you requested," he said.

Rob was stood by me. I think Ted's conversation had been out of earshot however his face dropped into a frown and his lips were forming an I told you so smile.

"Is he kissing her hand?" He asked me.

"I do believe he is," I responded.

"Double crossed," Madeline added.

"So these child things will come with me right now," the Duchess said sounding like a disgusted nursery teacher. Guard man-bears came out to escort them into the castle.

"I said not to trust him didn't I?" Ron shouted.

The man bear replied with a skip in his walk. Much to the Duchess's horror the man bear placed a paw over her shoulder.

"So I do believe there was talk of a reward. Now would that be paid in gold or perhaps in cash?"-

"I knew it," Geoff shouted. "What a snake in the grass!"

Mrs Huntington looked a little terrified at her husband's outcry.

"Calm down will you. It does sound a little sneaky though dear."

Geoff calmed a little then he spoke.

"So now it's come down to your group and the Duchess. How did it turn out?"

So I proceeded straight to the conclusion and told them exactly what happened.

-

This is the point in the book where you are expecting a big confrontation, perhaps a bit of a battle, with good ultimately prevailing over evil. Well I hate to disappoint but the Duchess sat us around a dining table and offered us each a cup of tea. Hardly wicked witch calibre activity I'm sure you'll agree, yet the way she chewed her food, staring at each of us in turn, made me uncomfortable to say the least.

"I have watched you all you know. Seen what you are and who you are. You, Rob, for example."

"I'm sorry lady. I don't know what you have been watching but I do know that I want to go," Rob responded.

The Duchess cleared her throat and looked a little as though she was considering the request. She took a sip of her tea and enjoyed the uncomfortable silence before finally speaking.

"No, no, I don't think that is going to happen just yet. After all you beat my Seagull Army and crashed your bus in to my sandcastle."

"We are very sorry about that," Simon responded.

"Yes I suspect you are. So Rob how about we play a game," the Duchess suggested adjusting her napkin.

"I will have a chat to you and in turn all you have to do is look straight into eyes. When you can meet my gaze no longer the Seagull Guards will take you away from my table. If somehow you manage to hold my gaze you may leave. I will arrange the transport back to London for you myself," the Duchess offered wiping her mouth with the napkin.

Rob grinned

"Sounds easy," he responded.

So they stared at each other and the Duchess spoke. I had a feeling that we would all have no choice but to play the Duchess's game.

"So Rob," she began. "You seem to be the big man of your small group. The one who wants to fight. I see it in the way you dress. The way you act. What about my Bloodsuckers Rob?"

Rob's gaze remained locked with the Duchess although there was a cold, almost cruel, intent on her face.

"You may speak in this game Rob. You can use words. Tell me why do you not go to school like the others Rob?"

Rob's forehead wrinkled as he frowned but he kept his stare focussed.

"Stop it. I think you have upset him," Madeline interfered.

"I should jolly well hope so! Tell me Rob does your failing at school scare you as much as my Bloodsuckers?" the Duchess continued, the repetition of Rob adding menace to her voice.

Rob looked away from Duchess's gaze and before he had chance to protest two guards dressed in bear suits took him away. He put up no fight possibly because he had agreed to the Duchess's terms. She turned her attention to Simon. Like Rob he met her eyes.

"Simon, Simon, Simon. What I liked about you was that you have respected that things here are different to your world. However nonsensical things are you do respect the difference. You also respect my authority."

Simon thought for a moment.

"Yes I do."

"Why don't you join me Simon? We can always do with people like you. People who become prefects, people who follow orders because that is the right and proper thing to do, people who seek power."

"I am not like that," Simon argued still meeting the stare.

"Then tell me Simon why do you continuously deny the things that happen in front of your eyes? You believe what you are told to believe and you hold onto that no matter what."

Hearing the truth in the Duchess's words Simon turned away. The bear guards were back again, although this time the Duchess whispered something about him showing promise to one of the guards. They still took Simon to wherever it was they were taking people. The Duchess turned to Madeline and myself.

"Which one of you wants to go next?" she asked.

Madeline met the Duchess with cold eyes of her own.

"I know what you are," she whispered.

The Duchess raised an eyebrow.

"You are the Queen of Hearts, the wicked stepmother, the evil witch. You are a reflection. Just my fears looking back at me."

Madeline stood up with enough force to push her chair over as she walked up to the Duchess bringing her face in close.

"I am not afraid of you," she said calmly. For a moment the Duchess looked hurt. By the rules the Duchess had made I hoped Madeline had put an end to this game. But I was wrong.

Madeline had began walking away when the Duchess gave her firm and clear reply.

"Of all of them you were the most comfortable. You enjoyed fighting off my Bloodsuckers and hiding from my Seagull Army. You are comfortable in another world."

The Duchess stopped speaking for a moment and corrected herself.

"No, no, you were more comfortable in this world. You spend a lot of time with those books don't you? Living in a different world is not so hard for you I think. It comes naturally. So it stands to reason that you won't be afraid of me. Me, the wicked guardian of a thousand fairy tales, is that all I am Madeline? Would you like us to talk about wicked parents."

I guessed by the look on Madeline's face she no longer wanted to talk although she still kept the Duchess's cold stare.

"I wonder why they can't stand being around you Madeline, always so busy, I guess they must see you as a bit of a disappointment. Is that why they're getting a divorce."

Madeline lost the staring contest, and as she looked away, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

It was not looking good. If you're keeping score at home not one of us had managed to hold the evil Duchess's gaze. That's Duchess 3, lost children 0, and It was my turn next.

"Tommy," the Duchess said inviting me to play her game. I obliged surprised at my own bravery in meeting her stare.

"There is nothing you can say to me," and as I said the words I knew that I meant them.

"No, Tommy, you are right. You are not scared of me Tommy. You may leave. But I would like to draw your attention to what you did to the others."

"Me?"

"You did after all lead them here. They looked to you for leadership and Tommy you gave them that leadership. You made the decisions that brought them here and look what happened as a result. They are in my dungeon and I hate to point blame but it really is all your fault. "

I did my best not to look away but her gaze was oddly hard to keep. I knew that all she was saying was part of the game but it didn't stop it being true either. Her words hit me like punches. She was not playing a stare down game, she was playing me, this woman was an old battle axe. She deserved to be beaten and one day she would be. Right there though I could not hold on to that cold, evil, judgemental, gaze.

"Isn't that what they all say about you back home Tommy? That you're not good with responsibility? Well now you've gone and proven them right."

I didn't want this guilt. I had not asked to be the one who made the decisions. It had just seemed at the time that I was the only one willing to step up. Guilt ridden I looked away from the old lady's evil eyes and, just like with the others, I was taken away by the Duchess's strange man bear guards.

* * *

#

# Doing Time in the Sandcastle

I had never imagined being in prison before. One thing prisoners always seem to say in the movies is that they are innocent, well turns out I was no different. Everything the Duchess had said to me was true and I was feeling pretty low about that. I would imagine that the others felt the same way but to look at their faces you did not have to imagine. Being back with Rob, Simon, Madeline and Ted in such a small space reminded me of being on Raheam's bus.

Wait... Ted the man bear...

"What's he doing here?" I asked the others. They had been in the cell slightly longer than I and they all looked about as gloomy. They were seemingly unaware of the man bear locked in with us.

"I don't know," Rob replied sounding angry.

"Ah, well, about that," the man bear began.

"You traded us in because you were looking for a reward," Simon answered.

"That is true," replied the old bear. "I did do it for the reward."

"Let me guess," Madeline said, "There was no reward and she chucked you in here with us?"

The man bear held up a claw in protest.

"No, now, that would not have been fair. Of course the Duchess rewarded me. It's just that her guards caught me rewarding myself too."

"Yeah, you are a big thief, I haven't forgotten that money you took from me before. More for your big dirty money pit was it?" Rob asked.

The man bear shrugged his shoulders.

"I told you I am not the kind of bear that mucks around with honey,"

Rob interrupted.

"I know that you're the kind of bear that stole all my money."

The man bear let out an old man sounding chuckle.

I noticed that Simon had unravelled a scroll.

"What is that?" I asked.

"The Duchess offered me approval," he said.

"You surely are not going to sign that and leave us all down here are you?" I asked.

"What choice do I have?" Simon protested.

Rob was nodding his head.

"That's the Simon I now all right. A bit of power, bit of authority over people, and he is right in there."

"That's not what I'm like"

"You reported me with my chocolate," I offered.

"I had to. You were bringing it into a classroom and you tried to bribe me."

"You ate my bribe," I responded losing my temper slightly.

"I reckon he would love it here," Rob offered, "He has that Duchess to creep up too doesn't he?"

Simon had not signed the scroll. But it looked as though he was weighing up his options.

"She is offering you approval to drive a wedge between us all," Madeline interrupted.

I knew she was right but that did not stop me from hating Simon for his betrayal, or his hatred for me I suspect, for getting us all into this mess in the first place.

"What about the things the Duchess said to each of us?" Madeline asked.

"It was not true. None of it was," Rob began. Madeline's cut him off wordlessly with a tired stare.

"It was all true," Madeline said, "Everything she said about me and everything she said about each of us."

The man bear turned his head to Rob awaiting his answer to Madeline.

"It is a bit stupid carrying all those books around with you," Rob said.

The man bears head now turned to Madeline.

"It's very stupid to dress like some sort of gangster when clearly you are not," Madeline bit back.

Rob looked at the man bear. "He's enjoying this," he said pointing an accusing finger.

The man bear let out another little chuckle but said nothing.

We all sat in silence. Simon read though his scroll whilst the rest of us I think just felt sorry for ourselves.

"I can't sign this," Simon concluded.

"You did lead me here. But I can't just leave you all here either."

"I'm sorry Rob. How you pretend you are street smart and brave is the way you are." Madeline said.

Rob snorted

"It's all right. I guess there is nothing wrong with reading either. It's smart. I sort of wish I did more reading and stuff."

"I did make some bad choices guys," I said swallowing my pride, "I made them because at the time I thought they were for the best. I hope you understand."

There was a moments silence in the cell. It seemed to clear the tension in the air. So much so that Simon began laughing.

"Seagull Army," he sniggered.

"The Duchess," I said shaking my head, "she's a piece of work isn't she?"

"Miserable meddling old witch," Madeline added.

"I don't know I quite fancy her," Rob said catching the infectious grin going around the cell.

"Really?" I asked.

"Of course not," Rob replied and we all laughed.

Before I knew it we were laughing at where we were. At an elephant man who ate crisps and man bears on buses.

"You know the Duchess is not all that bright," the man bear said walking to the back of the cell. "She has, in fact, thrown me in this cell more than once I do believe."

He moved a chair at the back of the cell revealing a large tunnel.

We were all stunned. Then Rob spoke

"You mean you could have gotten out of here any time you wanted to?"

He was annoyed that the man bear had kept this secret from us. I, however, was overjoyed at finding a way out.

"Before we take that tunnel. Where does it lead?"

I asked the man bear who removed his top hat and scratched his head.

"Let me think. Now you are asking. There are so many holes like this. Now let me think, let me think."

"Before he is done thinking the guards and that old battle axe will be back down here," Simon said alerting us all.

"London," the man bear muttered.

"What did you say?" Rob cried.

"That hole here is how I got to a bus stop in London. In fact that is where I first met all of you."

"You know I think we should go that way," Rob said.

"You think!" Came Simon's sarcastic reply.

The Duchess and her bear guards had appeared at the gate. One of the guards started fumbling with a set of keys.

"Get in there. Block that tunnel," the Duchess demanded.

We were about to run when unexpectedly Rob, Madeline, and Simon walked straight up to the Duchess. I thought about trying to tell them to escape whilst we had the chance but thought it maybe a little better to let them do whatever it was they felt that they had to do. I was not their leader any more.

"What gives you the right to disapprove of anybody?" Simon said looking the Duchess right in the eyes.

"We are who we are," Rob added. "None of us care about your approval anyway. All you do is use your power to bring people down, that way everyone is as miserable as you."

"I will tell you why she does this," Madeline added "It's because she is lonely. Every day in this giant sandcastle with only your precious seagulls and guards for company. You try to bring us down to make yourself feel better."

The guard had opened the gate and was about to grab Madeline when the Duchess held her hand out signalling for them to stop.

"Let them go," she demanded.

I couldn't tell if the man bear guard was shocked but I very much suspected that he was.

"They won," the Duchess whispered, and for one moment she looked very sad.

I turned and walked through the tunnel the man bear had made. It was dark but I knew that around me in the darkness were my friends. Well my friends and some old guy dressed as a bear.

Time passed, I don't know how long. The tunnel remained black and the sounds of my friends voices slowly began to fade. Then there was only silence and black.

"Tommy," a woman's voice called. It sounded familiar.

"Tommy you slept through your alarm."

It was my mother. Of course it was my mother. I opened my eyes and embraced the familiarity that was my bedroom.

* * *

#

# Believe In Impossible Things

It was all a dream. But then I guess you already knew that. My eyes stung in the daylight but as my vision slowly returned it dawned on me that I had known it had been a dream all along. When I had been in that hotel talking with Madeline we had both wordlessly guessed. But the whole time it had seemed more than a dream, more real, so real that the fact that I had known it was a dream didn't seem important.

I shouted down to my mother that I was awake and quickly took my notebook from the side of the bed. I wanted to record the details before they vanished in the morning light. I jotted down what I could remember. On the shelf above me was my old teddy bear. This last year he had been demoted from the bed to the shelf. I had grown older and people laugh when a boy my age still sleeps with a teddy. But this morning the teddy made me smile as I remembered the man bear by the bus.

"Make sure you have a good shirt for tonight," my mother called.

I remembered I was to be going to some family get together.

"Your aunt Lilly will be there and you know what she's like if we're late or if you're not dressed correctly."

I was reminded of the Duchess instantly and scribbled down a note or two.

I saw Simon guarding his door at school as ever. In the assembly Rob and Madeline stood next to each other. The hymn we sang seemed oddly to fit the dream and I wondered for a moment if I had not fully woken up.

It's from the old I travel to the new,

Keep me travelling along with you

There was a point where Madeline looked over at me and I swear she recognized me. But I was not about to walk over there and tell her she had been in my dreams last night. That sort of talk could get me a new nickname or two. Yet I wanted to tell someone about the Duchess, Edward and the Elephant Man. I think it was during that school assembly that I decided to tell Mr Huntington. As for my notes? Well my notes eventually ended up with what you are reading now.

My name is Tommy and I believe in the impossible.

That night the sun was setting as I left Mr Huntington's house. I had told him a little of my story and could see that he did not believe me. But he seemed to want to hear more. Sadly I had needed to leave for the family get together. The stars were out but the air was still quite warm. I looked up wondering how far I had really travelled on that bus during my dream. I walked over the zebra crossing when a vehicle pulled up next to me.

It was a bus, and as I stood illuminated in the light of a single street light the driver opened the bus door.

I stepped back assuming the driver had thought I had waived him down, not daring to think what I thought I was thinking, what I was certain even.

Then I heard that familiar voice and I knew.

"Well are you getting on? I haven't got all day."

* * *

#

# Introducing-The Forbidden Window: Hiding From Seagulls Book Two

Tommy, Simon, Madeline, Rob and the Man Bear are back for a second "old school" adventure.

When Tommy loads a cassette tape into an old computer he is transported back to the world he accidentally destroyed. Reunited with his friends they must put aside their personal differences and problems as they head into battle against the brave Count Douglass.

Nature spirit Yallery Brown tells them they can go home after the battle, but can he be trusted? And what is behind the forbidden window?

The Forbidden window is the second book in the Hiding From Seagulls series. (Recommended for Children age 10 and up)

Availiable now on Amazon Kindle,

# Prologue: A world rebooted

#

Yallery Brown watched a solitary seagull fly across the blackest sky his world had ever known. It navigated with ease across the sky using the noise of the night as its only guide. The seagull flew into a colorful area just off the shore. A high razor wire fence closed off the area. Inside were a few tall buildings. The place looked like a maximum-security prison, or perhaps an asylum. Although despite its intimidating structure, it was used for neither. Once over the huge security gate the seagull made straight for an intentionally open window knowing exactly where to go and who to look for.

The seagull was the last of the seagull army. A solitary survivor performing, Yallery suspected a final duty. The bird looked as sad as a seagull could look as he prepared to carry out the Duchess's final order. Slowly, he came to land on a windowsill on the top floor of the crumbling office block. The black paint around the window frame peeling away bit by bit, much like the world they were placed in. The floor was covered with an old carpet that had been soaked in dirt time and time again, and the room was deserted except for a single office desk and Yallery the lone figure sat at that desk. It was rare for a member of the seagull army to venture this far from the Duchess's sand castle. The emergency button must have truly been hit. This could mean what Yallery hoped it meant. If it did, then the sky turning black signaled that the seagull army was already on borrowed time. This was the end of an era and perhaps the beginning of a new one.

"Yallery Brown sir, I must speak with you on a matter of some urgency," the seagull squawked a little too fast.

At the opposite end of the long room, Yallery's hunched figure sat silently by the desk. He was a short man with skin of the colour of mustard. His scraggly white beard was badly unkempt and he wore a suit two sizes too big for his body. His eyes looked glazed and his expression was vague. Oddly, he was focussing more on the corner of the room. Yallery's eyes then moved to watch the seagull fly through the window but he did not react.

"I know," Yallery replied softly.

"I saw the black sky rolling in. The duchess has fallen, has she not?"

"She has," the seagull replied.

"Defeated at her own game and then left her castle and her post. Just abdicated, ran off with some bus driver. She always had the hots for him."

Yallery tilted his head and half smiled.

"You see, he was a very miserable man and she was a very miserable woman. So together they make a very miserable couple," the seagull explained.

Despite the seagull's sorrowed tone, Yallery could not hold back his excitement. A full smile emerged on his unwashed face, and he let out an excited squeak. Now he knew for sure what this meant. If the duchess was gone, the land, he and the seagull lived in was vanishing. Everything he knew would be gone in a matter of hours. Despite the danger of non-existence, all he could feel was excitement. He knew, that, now was his only chance to play the role he had always wanted to play. The compare to the crowning of a new ruler, the host to a new era- an era where Yallery would be transported from the bottom of the chain to an important figure right at the very top. It's the way it always worked. Once a ruler was gone, their land was wiped clean. The dark sky was the disinfectant and Yallery alone had the tools to rewrite the land. All his planning and research had led to today and the news he had just received this very moment. It was time to put all the theory into practice.

So, for the first time, in many years, the usually hunchbacked Yallery stood up straight with so much force that the chair behind him smashed against the wall. The seagull flapped back making sure to be well out of chair shot range. Yallery walked to the other side of the room and back again and for a while, the sound of the heavy rain outside and the sound of his footsteps provided the only noise.

"How much has gone?" Yallery demanded.

"There is only blackness south of the owl hotel," the seagull replied.

Yallery found himself smiling again. He paced around his desk finding the microphone.

"Could you all engage the firewall please, and start the reboot process. I assure you this is not a drill." Yallery gave the order cheerfully before turning his attention back to the Seagull.

"I had better get more information out of you then hadn't I? Tell me, who defeated the Duchess? If I am to reboot this place under a new ruler this information is important to me."

"A group of children Yallery," The seagull answered shaking his head and looking more sorrowful than before.

"Outsiders, you will likely never see them again."

"Oh but I will, I must," Yallery responded quickly.

He meant his words too. To be successful those children were needed. They were like an ingredient in a well-balanced recipe, vital to not only his success but also his survival.

Yallery began jumping up and down on the spot. It was something he did to aid this thought when he was too excited to think properly. As he had been seated for much of the past few years, it felt good. He suddenly felt so much energy running through his body. The thought of it, children defeated the Duchess. This was going to be easier than he could have ever imagined. He now lived in a land without a ruler. There were no rules, no order, just chaos. It could not stay that way. A new ruler would be crowned and if everything worked right, Yallery planned to cement his place in history.

"What of the new ruler?" Yallery asked.

"Count Douglass is on his way to meet us right now. As the designated new ruler he will wait here behind your firewall until such a time as the reboot is successful."

By the rules set by the Duchess brave Count Douglass would do battle with whoever defeated the old ruler. That would be the children the seagull spoke off. Because the children were outsiders, Douglass would feel he should be the new ruler automatically. The reboot wouldn't work that way, and besides Yallery had other plans. Plans he chose to keep to himself for now.

Yallery stroked his bearded chin. "The reboot yes," he mumbled.

"How do you plan on making it happen?" The seagull asked.

Yallery stopped jumping and once again began pacing the room; he was so excited he was unable to keep still.

There was a loud rumble of thunder from outside. Yallery waited for it to pass before he spoke.

"You know, I detect a little skepticism in your voice. You don't believe I can reboot everything to how it was?"

The seagull got no chance to argue.

"You won't be around long enough to see it but you have my assurances, my guarantee in fact it will happen. All I need to start with is an effective connection and that is happening right now. We, my feathered friend are being beamed into the head of those responsible for defeating the Duchess."

Then Yallery got close to the Seagull, He exhaled twice and his breath made the Seagulls feathers move. The seagull waddled backwards.

"I never did like seagulls. Never saw the Duchess's reason in choosing you," Yallery told the bird.

"Now Yallery," the seagull scolded.

Then the seagull looked vacant. The bird stopped talking, in fact, as Yallery had expected the seagull would not talk ever again.

"Why will you never talk again?" Yallery asked aloud, and then answered his own question despite was no one around to hear him.

"Because seagulls don't talk." He said gleefully.

The seagulls purpose was to serve the ruler. With no ruler and no more orders to follow, the seagull was back to being a regular, normal, everyday seagull.

"To reboot I need the children that defeated the Duchess. It is after all a natural succession. The new ruler or at least contender to be the new ruler is the person that defeated the last ruler."

Yallery picked the seagull up and walked across to the window, then he let go and watched the bird fly away into the night sky. The seagull would have more adventures all right but none would involve the Duchess.

Yallery put his chair back into place and sat back into it enjoying the comfort. He shuffled a few papers about then looked towards a corner of the room with a vacant stare. He began talking to a seemingly invisible figure in the corner of the room.

"I know you are there. You have been listening to all of that haven't you?"

The black whiskers twitched around Yallery's nose and his slightly twisted smile returned as his eyes focused more intently on the corner of the room.

The speakers of the microphone he had given orders on earlier buzzed into life.

An alternated voice spoke "Connection has been established."

"You were supposed to hear my chat with that seagull. That was my design. I know you can hear me Tommy. My name is Yallery Brown and I will be your host, your guide and your compare."

He sat by the almost clear desk with his hands folded under his chin and his head tilted to the right, squinting as though trying to make something out in the distance.

"We will meet soon enough Tommy. But for now the connection is closing. That means it is time to wake up. Wake up Tommy. Did you hear me? It's time to wake up."

"Wake up Tommy," it was Tommy's mothers voice, always a sign he had slept over the alarm.

"I am up mum," Tommy lied quickly picking up the notepad from his bedside table. By the time he had the pen in his hand, the dream had fragmented into a million broken pieces. Tommy vaguely remembered a man with a scraggly white beard, twitchy black whiskers and mustard yellow skin.

"You told me to wake you up a bit earlier because you are helping Mr. Huntington with his loft today remember?"

Tommy hadn't remembered but was heading to Geoff's anyway today so going earlier would not make the world of difference.

He was about to get up when he looked at the notebook. He had written one word.

Reboot

Now why would he have written that?

