 
### Living with Cancer - That Intense Houseguest  
Practical advice & devotions for cancer patients, families and friends

By: Judy & Herb Nordmeyer & their support group

Published by: Nordmeyer, LLC,

Smashwords Edition

July 2013

Copyright 2013 Judy and Herb Nordmeyer

We Heard the Wings of Angels, Copyright 1999 Judy and Herb Nordmeyer

This eBook contains the full text of the booklets Cancer - An Intense House Guest and We Heard the Wings of Angels.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author. Because this was written to help people in need you are welcome to share it with your friends or better yet, you may have them download their own free copy from Smashwords.com. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form and is distributed for free. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by the author. Thank you for your support.

ISBN: 978-0-9847936-8-6

Cover design by: Ryan Ashcroft, Fireclaw Studios

Book Industry Study Group Headings

Health & Fitness / Diseases / Cancer

Body, Mind & Spirit / Healing / Prayer & Spiritual

Self-Help / Motivational & Inspirational

Edited by: Katherine Puller - katpuller@yahoo.com

Quotations from the Bible, unless otherwise noted, are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all who have experienced cancer and to all who have supported them.

Additionally, this book is dedicated to our support network, who helped us through cancer and who also helped us put this eBook together. We would especially like to mention the Reverend Elder McCants. While he was undergoing radiation and chemo, he gave numerous copies of Cancer - An Intense House Guest and We Heard the Wings of Angels to fellow cancer patients. Even though he had lacked a full head of hair for many years, he would still ask cancer patients if they thought that the chemo would cause him to lose his hair.

Write a Review

If you feel this book would be helpful to others with cancer, please write and post a brief review and encourage others to read the book. The more reviews this book receives, the more likely it is to be discovered by someone who needs it.

Contents

Introduction

Why?

On Naming This Book

Why Me, Oh Lord?

Prayer

What Cancer Cannot Do

Family & Extended Family

What About My Family?

Don't Forget the Little Ones

Spreading the Word

Talking About Cancer

Friends

Friends You Have Not Met

Support Groups

Extended Support Groups

Doctors and Dentists

Choosing a Doctor

Talking to the Doctor

Dental Care

Mouth Sours

Partnering in Treatment

Keep a Journal

Chemo

Germs

Spreading Germs Among People

Spreading Germs on Surfaces

Food

Day to Day

Bald is Beautiful

What Ministry Is God Preparing You For?

Lists

Fatigue

Set Realistic Goals

Keep On With Your Life As Much As You Can

Focus On the Positive

Uplifting Music

Reading

Humor

Moods

Don't Plan Your Funeral

Confessions of a Cry Baby

Hospice Care

The End Is Near

Cancer in Children

Insurance

Conclusion of Part One

Forward to the Devotions

Diagnosis

When Will The Message Come?

A Wake-up Call

What Kind of Cancer Is It?

Fear

The Cancer of Sin

Are We Afraid to Talk About Cancer?

Hair Loss

A Little Girl's Hair

Did She Die?

Loneliness

Cancer Is a Time For Waiting

Hope

Willard's Song

Listen to God

Day By Day - The Little Victories

One Day at a Time

A Child-Like Faith at Sixty

Growing in Faith

He Made Me Weak - Now I Am Strong

Friendship

Funerals and Hospital Visitors

A Mathematical Get Well Card

They Didn't Know About the Cancer

You Are Looking Gray

They Came Out of the Woodwork

Helping Others

A Key to My House

The Gift of Tickling Feet

A Prescription to Not Wash Dishes

Your Ministry

You Can Lie Down and Die, or Get Up and Fight

What Ministry Is God Preparing You For?

Selfishness

It Would Be Easier if You Took It Easy

Independence

A Sporty Wig

The Safety Deposit Box Key

I Can Still Stand

Where Have You Been?

Death

I Don't Want to Die, But I'm Ready

Grief

I Was Mad at the Lord

Final Comments

Nordmeyer, LLC

#  Introduction

Back to Table of Contents

## Why"

Cancer may have already come into your home, or you may be going through tests to find out if you have cancer. Hopefully, cancer will be in your home for only a short visit, but it may have moved in to stay. As our friend Mary says, "Cancer is such an intense houseguest." The first section of this eBook shares some of what we learned when cancer visited our home. Our experiences will not apply to every situation, but they can serve as a starting point. The eBook concludes with a collection of devotions that were written while cancer was doing its best to remain in control of our lives.

These notes are intended to provide practical advice for people with cancer. They are not meant to be a spiritual guide. However, we cannot separate our spiritual lives from the rest of our experience. Therefore, we do refer to the Bible when it seems appropriate.

How do you organize your response to a life-changing event? Each time we reread these notes, we think that there must be a better way to put them in order. We also think of something we have forgotten to include. Feel free to reorganize the advice you find here and pass it on to your own friends who have been visited by cancer. As you read, you may notice things we forgot to mention, and you may also find some repetition. We do discuss some topics in several different places. Everything we experience as we go through cancer is interconnected, so sometimes repetition just seemed appropriate.

The last two sentences of the original version of Cancer - An Intense House Guest were,

"In conclusion, there are no right answers or wrong answers.

There are just answers that work for you."

Remember those sentences as you apply our suggestions to your own circumstances.

## On Naming This Book

When it was time to select a title for this book, we sent out an e-mail to a number of friends who have been affected by cancer and asked them which of two titles they thought we should use. Most did not select either one. Instead, they provided their own carefully considered suggestions. So we sent out the suggested names and asked for advice Suddenly, we had 66 pages of input. We decided that we would have to take the input and figure out a title for ourselves. Obviously, we could not satisfy everyone, but we wanted a title that would attract readers who were facing a fight with cancer.

One comment we received was that Cancer - An Intense Houseguest was gutsy and to the point, and that there is nothing pretty or angelic about cancer.

Another friend wrote, "Don't use We Have Heard the Wings of Angels. Angels can be associated with death for many non-Christians. The title may give the impression that death is inevitable. In some cases it is, but some houseguests leave, and that is hopeful. We Have Heard the Wings of Angels may be a good closing chapter."

We learned that cancer is a four-letter word and that cancer is a dirty word.

Another friend wrote that the title should reflect the eviction of our nefarious houseguest. That is a wonderful concept, but is it a title that would move a person to download a book?

Some of the hardest-hitting comments we received are listed below:

"As a cancer survivor, I believe that sugar coating doesn't help. The truth about what to expect is what people will look for, and the title should reflect that."

"Include friends in the title, since friends are often closer than families."

"I think any reference to protection by angels or guardian angels would make the book rather useless to someone with a terminal prognosis. It gives false hope for recovery. Your title says only that the wings of angels were heard; it does not specify what type of angel. The angel could bring a successful healing, or it could be an angel coming to take one to heaven. Either way, comfort can be assured. You and Judy heard an angel bring healing, but as with any cancer, one does not know for how long. That is God's plan."

"I love you. You should know that when I was five-years-old and in the hospital, you were the visitor I got most excited about. :)"

"It's a book to be used as a continued reference. You offer very useful tools - encouragement, humor, and spiritual guidance - all of which are necessary to have in our backpacks. I would like for this book to be in every oncologist's office. I would like to see it available in Spanish."

Then an unexpected e-mail arrived. A friend wrote, "My friend Kathy, 48-years-young, died Friday from brain cancer after struggling with treatments for five years. She told me the women in her family have a long history of breast cancer, so she was always vigilant about her exams and mammograms. She said she was supposed to die of breast cancer."

Comments like these kept us aware of the gravity of our topic, even as we tried to inject the title with humor and hope. Here are some of the suggested titles and subtitles that we seriously considered.

We Survived Cancer - That Intense Houseguest: Cancer is one intense, unwelcome houseguest. Advice and devotions gathered by one family when cancer moved in and set up housekeeping.

Living with Cancer - That Intense Houseguest: Practical advice and devotions for cancer patients and their families

Cancer - The Unwelcome Guest: Practical advice for living with cancer

When Cancer Became Our Intense Houseguest: Practical advice and devotions for cancer patients and their families

Cancer - The Unwelcomed Guest: Practical advice and devotions for cancer patients, families, and friends

Living with Cancer: Advice and devotions for patients, family, and friends

Cancer: An Intense Houseguest That Can Be Evicted

In the end, we selected the following as our working title: Living with Cancer - That Intense Houseguest: Practical advice and devotions for cancer patients, families, and friends

## Why Me, Oh Lord?

This is one of the first questions we ask. Not because we are selfish, or because we think nothing bad should happen to us, but because we are human. We may ask as Jesus asked Saul, "... why are you persecuting me?" (Acts 9:4, ESV)

A common first reaction to cancer is to deny that it is present. If we refuse to acknowledge it, then it just cannot be real.

This denial can come in several ways. A mole that seems to be growing can be ignored. That persistent cough is just cedar fever. A sudden loss of weight after years of trying and failing to get the pounds off simply means that we finally learned how to diet. It is easy to deny the cancer by failing to go to the doctor. If we have gone to the doctor and have received a diagnosis, it is still easy to ignore the cancer. If cancer is caught early, there may not be any symptoms. A lack of symptoms makes denial seem reasonable. Part of that denial includes failing to share the news with your spouse. If I don't tell her, she will not worry. After all, another test will show that it really was cedar fever and not the three packs of cigarettes I smoked each day for the last thirty years.

We may find acceptance as we read the book of Job. As time passes, we will gradually accept that cancer has moved in. Then we come to the next stage of denial. Chemo has improved, so I will not get sick. After the first chemo, it seems like the statement is true, but as time goes on, each chemo teaches us that we are not quite as strong as we thought we were.

Remember, God never gives us more than we can handle with His help. As we learn to turn towards the Lord and to lean on Him, it is easier to accept that cancer has moved in.

## Prayer

If you do not regularly pray, now is a good time to start. One of your first prayers during the diagnosis process will probably be, "Why me, Lord?" You will be tempted to pray that the tests come back negative, but is that really what you want to pray for? It might be better to pray for an accurate diagnosis. If you pray that the tests come back negative, are you praying for false results?

A friend said she felt paralyzed by her family's crisis and did not know how to pray. So she asked everyone she knew to pray for her five-year-old daughter who had just been diagnosed with cancer. With time that friend has become a prayer warrior.

We are blessed, because we have the Holy Spirit interceding for us. He knows our needs and knows what we should be praying for, even if we do not know what that is or cannot get words out to pray (Romans 8:26).

Prayer is not just asking for a cure and for guidance; it is also a time for confession, for thanksgiving (yes, you can thank the Lord, even as you face cancer), and to praise the Lord.

You may find it comforting to include your medical caregivers in your prayers. Asking God to give these men and women sound judgment and to guide their decisions can boost your confidence in your treatment.

Paul writes, "Pray without ceasing." (1 Thessalonians 5:17) (ESV) As you come to depend on the Lord, this becomes more natural. To help with your prayer life, keep a Bible handy and read it. You do not need to set a lofty goal, like reading five chapters a day. If you do not have much experience with the Bible, start by reading the Psalms. These are hymns of praise. Then ask friends who know the Bible well to suggest further reading. If you do not have anyone to ask, move on to Paul's epistles: Romans, 1 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians.... Here are a few chapters we have found helpful. You will notice that we don't like to read just one verse at a time. We like to read verses in their context.

When you are afraid:

Psalm 27

When you are worried or anxious:

Psalm 46

Psalm 121

Matthew 6:19-34

When you are bereaved:

John 11:1-44

John 20

1 Corinthians 15

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

2 Corinthians 5:1-10

1 Thessalonians 4:13 to 5:28

When you feel depressed:

Psalm 34

Psalm 71

Isaiah 40

When you feel discouraged:

Psalm 23

Psalm 42

Psalm 43

Isaiah 55

2 Corinthians 4

When your faith needs a boost:

Hebrews 11

When you are feeling sorrowful:

Psalm 46

Psalm 51

Matthew 28

John 14

When your friends fail to support you:

Psalm 27

When you are lonely:

Psalm 27

When you are sick:

Psalm 6

Psalm 38

Psalm 39

Psalm 41

Psalm 67

Isaiah 26

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

When you are thankful:

Psalm 100

When God seems distant:

Psalm 138

# What Cancer Cannot Do

Back to Table of Contents

Our friend Ann sent us the following poem. We have since seen it on bracelets.

Cancer is so limited.

It cannot cripple Love

It cannot shatter Hope

It cannot corrode Faith

It cannot destroy Peace

It cannot kill Friendship

It cannot suppress Memories

It cannot silence Courage

It cannot invade the Soul

It cannot steal Eternal Life

It cannot conquer the Spirit.

Author unknown

# Family & Extended Family

Back to Table of Contents

## What about My Family?

If you find that you are not able to provide the type of care that your family is accustomed to, they will have to adjust. When he realizes that you need his help and support, even the most useless husband can learn to pitch in and help. Seriously, as each member of the household realizes you need help, hopefully, they will grow so that they can provide that help.

Your caring-for-others instinct may manifest itself in an urge to clean house. If others offer to come in and provide assistance, you may decide that you need to get your house in order so that they do not have so much to do. When you stop to think about it, that does not make a lot of sense. But we often operate on an emotional level, not a logical one. I know of one lady who cleaned house before her friends came over to clean, so they would not see all of the dust bunnies under the bed. Do you remember the saying, "Mi casa es su casa?" That is Spanish for "my house is your house." It is a very common expression in Mexico. I tell my grandchildren that it also means that if you do not like the way I clean my house, you should feel free to clean it yourself. Sometimes they do.

Now, don't you dare smile at this serious story about dust bunnies. We had a young lady visiting us, and she wanted to know what she could do. I was at my wit's end, so I told her to go find a dust bunny under a bed and pet it. She did. So you see, those dust bunnies you never got cleaned up do have a purpose. I dare you to make the same suggestion to one of your own visitors. Doesn't just thinking about it cheer you up just a little bit?

Likewise, don't start putting all of your affairs in order "just in case." Important documents like a will, insurance policies, and financial arrangements should always be kept current. However, a friend of ours tells about selecting a replacement wife for her husband in the event that she died. After she made the decision, she decided not to tell either her husband or her potential replacement, because she did not want to give either of them ideas. There was no point in having an affair to worry about too! Your spouse selected you, so don't you feel that he is quite capable of selecting the perfect wife? Probably you should just grin rather than answer that question aloud.

It is appropriate for all of us to have an "in case of death" file with birth certificates, a list of insurance policies, and a copy of our will.

How do you tell your children about the diagnosis? When do you tell them? No matter how much you would like to protect them, they are going to find out. You can tell them yourself. If you don't, they may find out about the cancer from their friends who'd heard about it from their parents. A good friend of mine lost her father when she was a pre-teen. She found out her father was sick when her friend's parents asked her how her father was doing. Can you picture how devastating this was for her? When her own daughter was thirteen, my friend's husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. It did not take these parents long to decide that they needed to sit down with their daughter and explain what was going on. Their daughter did not understand everything, but she knew that she was included and that cancer was not something to be ashamed of. My friend then contacted the parents of one of her daughter's friends, explained the situation, and enlisted their help in keeping her daughter involved in normal activities. Eventually, my friend's husband succumbed to colon cancer, but their daughter always knew that she was loved by both of her parents, and she always knew what was going on. That helped her deal with the loss of her father.

## Don't Forget the Little Ones

See Mark 10:14.

When you have cancer, you are not the only one who is affected by the disease. Your children are used to having a certain amount of attention. If they do not get it, they may feel unloved. Even worse, they may think that the cancer is their fault. When a child has cancer, the siblings may inadvertently get pushed aside because the cancer patient needs all of the parents' love and support. While the healthy child may understand on a conscious level that his little sister needs more of his parents' time right now, in the middle of the night, when the lights are out and the closet monster is looking for prey, that may not be enough.

In many households, the wife is the only adult. The husband, if he's there at all, functions as an overgrown teenager. If his wife cannot support him in the manner that she has in the past, he may have some of the same problems as his children.

If your immune system is compromised, try to stay away from small children when your white blood cell count is low. They carry lots of germs, but are too young to understand that they could make you sicker. That having been said, many modern treatments do not devastate the immune system to the same extent as their predecessors. One friend said, "If it weren't for the kids, I wouldn't have had any visitors. The adults were too busy."

Teenagers have an especially tough time adapting to the changes cancer brings. They are trying to establish their independence, but they still rely on their parents. Thus, they often react angrily toward a parent with cancer. They know they should not react this way, so when they do, they take on a load of guilt which makes matters worse. While there are no easy answers, mention the problem to your doctor and alert your volunteer helpers. Then work to keep the teenagers involved.

## Spreading the Word

Who you tell and when you should tell them are extremely difficult choices. No matter what you decide, you will probably offend someone. Many of your friends will be upset if you are diagnosed with cancer and you do not let them know as soon as you find out. However, before you can spread the word, you need to be able to accept that you do have cancer. Some people will find it easy to talk about cancer. For others it will be difficult. Is it necessary to spread the word while you are still going through tests? Only you can answer that question. Maybe you should wait until you know something, or maybe you should let your friends and family know about the tests so they can provide support. We found out about Judy's cancer on Monday. The doctor called and said that normally he had his patients come into the office to discuss the findings, but there was not time for that. He had made appointments for Judy to undergo some additional tests, and she was to check into the hospital on Thursday. By Friday morning she was in surgery. One of my brothers-in-law wanted to know why we had not spread the word two weeks before. Two weeks before, we did not know! One week before, we did not know! How could we spread the word before we knew? At the time I felt put upon, but looking back on the situation, I can see that my brother-in-law was as scared as I was and did not know any other way to express it.

## Talking about Cancer

Some people with cancer do not want to share what they are experiencing with their friends and family. This is fine. But many others will find comfort in talking about what they are going through. Some people can talk about cancer with their families, and some cannot. Have a spokesperson prepared in case you find that you cannot talk about it. For example, when I called my mother-in-law after one of Judy's successful surgeries, I found myself unable to speak. She then asked, "What's the matter? Did she die?" If you do not want to be in that situation, develop a plan. After that conversation, I asked one of my sisters to help me with phone calls. I also recorded a message on a tape recorder in case my voice failed again.

If you want to hear your friends and colleagues fumble around trying to find the courage to ask if you are going to die, by all means let them. But if you do not want to go through that, have a spokesperson ready to answer those questions. Then you can focus on the positive when talking to your friends. Remember, you should make decisions that reflect what you want. Decide that you have been placed on a pedestal, and make the most of it.

Many of your friends may feel uncomfortable mentioning cancer in your presence. By appointing a spokesperson, you give them a way to ask questions without having to use the "C" word in front of you. You are ministering to every visitor who comes to see you. Strange as it seems, sometimes they need support even more than you do. There are websites, such as www.caringbridge.org, where you can post and receive messages about your condition and treatment. These websites were not available when we were going through cancer, but they are wonderful ministries to the patient, the family, and their friends.

## Friends

See Proverbs 17:17 and Job 2:11-13.

When word gets out that you have cancer, sometimes friends you have not seen in a long time will come see you, call you, or write. Other friends may disappear. They may not know how to treat you or they may believe that you have changed. Sometimes they don't want to do the wrong thing, so they stay away. Don't hold it against them. Write them a note. Even if they cannot get up the courage to come see you, they are probably praying for you on a daily basis. When they perceive that you have returned to being "you (even though you never really changed in the first place), they will come back. Sadly, some people will never accept that you are still the same person you were before the diagnosis, and you may never see them again. Put them on your prayer list.

Some friends will come and sit with you for long periods of time and expect to be entertained. That is not your job. Try to communicate that frequent, short visits are better for you than long, boring visits. You have permission to ask visitors to leave so that you can rest. In most cases, you should avoid saying, "I would prefer to be bored by myself, rather than be bored with you here."

## Friends You Have Not Met

When word gets out that you have cancer, the news spreads quickly among cancer survivors. They seem to come out of the woodwork. Some are acquaintances you did not realize were cancer survivors. Some are strangers. They are all friends you did not know you had. You will often be reminded of the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-36). You can talk about your fear of losing your hair with these friends, because they have been there and know what it feels like. In fact, you can talk to them about almost anything. After you become a cancer survivor, you will join this cadre and find yourself stepping forward whenever you hear about someone being diagnosed with cancer.

## Support Groups

Years ago, I observed the staff at the Santa Rosa Children's Hospital in San Antonio, Texas, trying to get parents involved with a support group. Many parents declined. There was so much to do and not enough time. On top of that, many of the parents figured they did not need help. When I talked to some of the same parents years later, I learned that they wished they had participated. There are so many things you don't have to learn the hard way, and there are people out there who want to help you. Maybe your ministry is to let them. Open your arms and your heart to those who want to help. You may end up having a better kept lawn during cancer's visit than you did before it moved in.

## Extended Support Groups

On April 1, 2008, The Wall Street Journal published an article by Elizabeth Bernstein titled "How to Support a Loved One Reeling From Cancer Diagnosis." It is definitely worth reading. In the article Ms. Bernstein mentions several books that may be helpful to cancer patients and their families. Her recommendations are listed below:

Help Me Live by Lori Hope

What Can I Do to Help by Deborah Hutton

Cancer Etiquette by Rosanne Kalick

The Etiquette of Illness by Susan P. Halpern

Another helpful title, which was recommended by oncologist Dr. Susan Blumhardt, is When a Parent Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children by Wendy Harpham.

There are also many excellent websites that provide support for cancer patients and their caregivers. Some of our favorites are listed below:

http://www.cancer.org

We have all heard about the American Cancer Society. This is their main website. It has lots of good and reliable information. Use it.

http://www.cancer.gov

This is the website of the National Cancer Institute. It also has lots of good and reliable information. Among other things, this site offers information for caregivers, family, and friends.

http://www.cancer.net

This website is designed for people living with cancer. It contains information that has been reviewed and approved by the American Society of Clinical Oncologists.

http://www.breastcancer.org

This is a message board for patients with breast cancer and their families.

http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com

How do you let others know about the practical needs of a cancer patient? How do you organize the volunteers who want to help? This website provides a starting point. It helps you form a support group for the patient and also provides a calendar to coordinate volunteers.

http://www.carepages.com

Do you want to explain how your child is doing to 27 different friends? Each friend means well, but after a while, the pain of repeating the message can become overpowering. This website allows families to set up personalized pages to share information about the person who is sick.

http://www.caringbridge.org

This website allows the patient to set up their own CaringBridge site The patient and caregivers can then post updates and also receive messages.

# Doctors & Dentists

Back to Table of Contents

## Choosing a Doctor

You are facing one of the most difficult events of your life. At times you are going to feel as close to your doctor as you do to your spouse or family.

Communication and support are vital to your mental well-being. Your doctor needs to be completely open, frank (but not blunt), informative, and able to provide you with emotional support. You will look to your doctor for answers and understanding.

Doctors are human beings, though, with the same flaws or if you prefer, warts, ticks, and fleas as the rest of us. You may not like each other. The person treating you may not be able to provide emotional support and understanding. He or she may only able to focus on the disease.

Having a good rapport with your doctor and trusting the person treating you, can be critical to how you feel and to some extent, what you feel. If you are not comfortable with the way you are being treated, find another doctor. How you get through this crisis, even if there is no hope for a cure, depends a lot on how you feel about the care you are receiving. The first tenet of the doctor's Hippocratic Oath is "Do No Harm."

Many oncology practices have RNs and nurse practitioners who actually perform many of the procedures and provide much of the education you receive. You can trust their knowledge. They are certified in this field and collaborate closely with your doctor at every step.

# Talking to the Doctor

When you talk to the doctor, take someone with you to help you remember everything. Most of us remember only thirty to forty percent of what the doctor tells us. Ask your doctor to repeat the information until you understand it and have written it down. Most doctors try not to talk over the patient's head, but if you do not understand what the doctor is saying, ask for an explanation. In the newspaper we often see letters written to a medical columnist about a person's disease or medications. Your treatment team should provide all of this information. If you are not getting it, ask.

Get a notebook, and record all of your conversations with the doctor and his staff. Record all of your medications and when they are taken. Record all of your tests and the results of those tests. Even record your side effects and symptoms. This notebook should become a permanent record of your cancer treatment. As you move between doctors and labs, you may be the only person who has the complete story of your treatment. If you have had a test run and the doctor does not have the results, knowing the name of the lab, the date and time of the test, and the technician involved will make finding the results quicker.

Ten years ago, Judy and I would each go into the doctor's office with a notebook. Then each of us would take notes. The doctor still remembers that and recently mentioned it to one of his new assistants.

If you have a problem and need to talk to your doctor at 2:00 a.m., don't hesitate to place that call. It is better, however, to call with a minor problem during office hours than to wait until it builds into a crisis at 2:00 a.m.

## Dental Care

Go to the dentist, tell him or her you will be starting chemo, and get your teeth cleaned and checked. You should also get any dental work that cannot be postponed taken care of before chemo starts. Chemo reduces the ability to fight off infections, including dental infections. The cleaning and check-up will help ensure that you have your teeth when chemo is over. The gums can be a major route for infections to enter the body.

Some chemo and other medications will dry out your mouth. This is not just an inconvenience. It is a serious problem. Your saliva protects your teeth from decay. If your mouth dries out, tooth decay is accelerated. A dentist, who is working on a book concerning the side effects of medications, told me that he has seen people lose all of their teeth in just three months, because they decided to "tough it out."

While you are at it, go to your general practitioner, get a flu shot, and talk about the pneumonia vaccine.

## Mouth Sores

Some types of chemo will cause your mouth to dry out, which can cause sores to develop. If your immune system is impaired, the sores may not heal by themselves, and infections can set in. When your white blood cell is count low, the bacteria in the sores can multiply rapidly. So if you develop even a small sore, let your doctor know. He may be able to furnish you with a topical anesthetic. There are also mouthwashes and artificial saliva products available to treat dry mouth. Nowadays, most are quite pleasant tasting.

## Partnering in Treatment

You need to be an active partner in your treatment. Your doctor will not know how different medicines affect you unless you tell him. Judy was allergic to Compazine, a commonly prescribed anti-nausea medication. During her first chemo treatment, we thought the problems Judy was experiencing were typical reactions to the chemo. As things deteriorated after her second dose of Compazine, we finally called the doctor. He was not available, but his calls had been transferred to another doctor. We were told, "You can't wait for EMS. Give her Benadryl." The replacement drug for Compazine was much more expensive. The insurance company did not see a need for the switch, but the new drug did not have the same side effects as Compazine.

We hope no one else has an experience like that. Open communication with your doctor will help prevent this type of problem.

Your treatment will be more effective if you have a positive attitude. You are more likely to have a positive attitude if you are a partner in developing your treatment plan.

If you fully understand your treatment plan and the reasoning behind it, you are more likely to follow it. Also, if you have to deviate from that plan for any reason, you are more likely to let your doctor know if you see him as a partner who can help you work out a solution.

## Keep a Journal

This is different from your medical records notebook. Record your feelings, your thoughts, and your doubts. Your journal can be kept private, or you can choose to share it at some future date. Do not worry about sentence structure, grammar, or spelling. Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl was this kind of journal. As you read over your entries, you will see your highs and your lows. You will see the progress you have made. You will see how you have grown to depend on the Lord. You may want to write devotions as you go along, or you can reread the journal and write devotions later. It is very hard to be mad at God if you are writing a devotion praising Him. How many of David's Psalms were written when he was mad at God?

# Chemo

Back to Table of Contents

"Chemo" is short for chemotherapy. Each year there are medical advances, and new treatments that cause fewer side effects are developed. Years ago, chemo patients had to go into virtual isolation, because the treatment they received destroyed their white blood cells. Many modern chemo drugs do not cause the same drastic loss of white blood cells. This means that the risk of infection is not as great.

The chemo drugs are toxins designed to kill fast-growing cells. Fast-growing cancer cells are their intended target. Some chemo causes nausea. There are medications that can help control this. Some chemo can also kill the healthy crop of bacteria in your gut and induce bouts of diarrhea. While you sit on the pot holding a wastebasket to catch the vomit, remember that all of this is meant to cure you so you can spend more time enjoying your family. Actually, you should call your doctor before you get to that point. There are ways to reduce chemo's side effects.

A friend shared a story about a woman whose chemo medication looked like red Kool-Aid. After each chemo session, she hosted a Kool-Aid party, and all the guests would drink red Kool-Aid. Even though you may not feel like you need it, have a friend drive you to chemo and sit with you. It makes the time go much faster. Not everyone is strong enough for that task. Maybe those who aren't can mow your lawn while you are at the doctor's office.

When Judy was receiving chemo, a lady we barely knew when Judy was first diagnosed insisted on driving her to chemo. If Judy felt like it, Dorothy would take her out to eat afterward. This was not just a minor favor; Dorothy had to drive 100 miles each time she took Judy to chemo.

# Germs

Back to Table of Contents

## Spreading Germs among People

Out of the mouth proceed all manner of evil things – bacteria, viruses, fungi, etc.

I guide people on kayaking trips, including kayak camping trips in wilderness areas. To better prepare myself in the event that something might go wrong, I took an Advanced Wilderness First Aid course. The instructor mentioned that the most common malady on wilderness trips is stomach trouble that spreads among participants who share snack food without washing their hands. She explained that you should not take a handful of peanuts from someone else's container unless you would be willing to kiss that person on the mouth. When I mentioned this during a kayaking class I was teaching, a nurse who works for a gastroenterologist gave a vivid description of exactly what can happen. This discussion was about healthy people with good immune systems. If you want to be grossed out, I can introduce you to that nurse.

When I took a bacteriology class many years ago, each student was instructed to wash our hands as well as we could and then inoculate an agar plate by laying our right hand on it. We followed the instructions, and after a few days of incubation, we learned that we were not very good at washing our hands; in fact, we were lousy at it.

Some chemotherapy and radiation treatments will impair your immune system. When your immune system is not functioning optimally, you run a greater risk of picking up an infection or a contracting a disease. As a result, you need some rules for keeping germs at bay. Talk to your doctor about which rules are best for you. If you do not establish at least some rules, there will be no rules at all.

Even after you establish the rules, there are going to be some friends who ignore them. Buy disinfectant wipes by the case, and use them. While it probably would not be appropriate to ask your friends to read Leviticus 7-11 (nearly every verse uses the word "unclean"), you can picture what their reaction would be if you did. Just thinking about it should improve your mood.

If you have a severely impaired immune system, a kiss on your cheek leaves filthy germs. If you wipe your hand across that cheek, you can transfer those germs into the mucus membrane around your eyes or mouth. The mucus membranes are an ideal place for the germs to then start establishing a foothold in your body. Protect yourself from your friends.

Even if your friends wash their hands with disinfectant each time they use the restroom, shaking hands can be almost as harmful as a kiss on the cheek. Germs are transferred from one individual's hand to the other's. Then from the hand they are transferred to the mucus membrane of the eyes or mouth. By the way, if a doctor has to wash his hands for fifteen minutes before putting on sterile gloves, how effective is the quick hand washing we all do after a trip to the restroom? How often do we wash our hands after sneezing into them? We are not suggesting that you ask people to wash their hands for fifteen minutes before they visit you. We're just trying to illustrate the possible threat. Even some healthy people do not shake hands during cold season, because they do not want to pick up someone else's germs.

A hug where both parties touch cloth is much more sanitary than a kiss or a handshake.

After the visitor leaves, if your immune system is compromised, wash the germs off your hands. Better yet, wash the germs off while your visitor is still there, so they can grasp that the matter is very serious. You do not want to pick up germs from your perfectly healthy friends; and if you discuss it with them, they probably do not want you to either.

Now you must endure one of my pet peeves. According to most building codes, in public buildings the restroom doors must open inwardly. You wash your hands, and then you grasp the same handle that the last person who left the restroom grasped and open the door. You have now been inoculated with the germs that person left on the door handle. Did I mention that many people who use restrooms in public buildings do not wash their hands?

Also, if your immune system is compromised, some natural bacteria can become infectious. If you have hard-headed friends who will not observe your rules, maybe you should tell them that you and your doctor have established these rules to protect them from your super germs. Can you, with a straight face, tell these friends that chemo kills all of your normal germs and only leaves behind super germs that are very dangerous to other people?

## Spreading Germs on Surfaces

The most contaminated item in your house is probably the dishcloth. A dishcloth is usually more contaminated than the toilet bowl. We move that dishcloth over the countertops and tables to clean them. Then anyone who comes in contact with the tables and countertops will pick up the germs that were on the dishcloth. From a sanitary standpoint, it would be better to lick the areas clean. That sounds disgusting, even if you are a good cook. If you use a dishcloth, either use a disposable one, or zap it on high for at least 45 seconds in the microwave after each use. There will be people coming over to help, and they will use your dishcloth. Make sure that they understand the need to zap it after every use.

Of course, there are other surfaces that are contaminated with germs. Those include, but are not limited to, the following items:

Doorknobs,

Drinking glasses that are used repeatedly without washing,

Any food container that came from a grocery store,

Books,

Clothes,

Children,

Spouses,

Cell phones,

TV remotes,

Computer keyboards,

Touch screens,

Refrigerators and other appliances (both inside and outside),

Floors (completely disregard the 15 second rule, which is that food dropped on the floor is OK to eat if it is retrieved within 15 seconds), and

Walls.

Seriously, anything that anyone might touch or breathe on will become contaminated. Don't panic; just make adjustments in your life to protect yourself, and buy economy size containers of Clorox. Recently, I have noticed that many stores have started providing disinfectant wipes for the handles and child seats of shopping carts.

# Food

Back to Table of Contents

Food will come, whether you ask for it or not. Hopefully, any dishes that need to be returned will be appropriately marked. Even though you know that the green casserole dish came from Aunt Sally, you may still find it confusing when you see fifteen similar dishes on your countertop waiting to be returned.

Food has a shelf life. If your immune system is impaired by chemo, you do not want to risk food poisoning. Date every item of food in the refrigerator. Place a volunteer in charge of ensuring that no outdated food remains. If the volunteer cannot stand to throw food away, let him encourage others to dine with you so that the food gets eaten immediately. If you have a freezer, some dishes can be frozen for later use.

Identify your comfort foods. Baked or mashed potatoes may be one. Broccoli is good for you and contains lots of iron. Fat, especially from beef and pork, can lead to nausea. Kiwi tastes good and is full of vitamins and minerals. As you eat different foods, note your reaction to them. One of your volunteers can spread the word that beef and pork fat cause nausea and that you love mashed potatoes with some margarine and no gravy.

Good nutrition is important to help your body fight both infections and the cancer itself. You may find that chemo or radiation treatments affect your senses of smell and taste. One woman relates that when her father, a red meat lover, was undergoing chemo, he would become absolutely nauseated by the smell of meat cooking. Eating it was out of the question. Some people undergoing chemo report strange cravings - often for foods they would never have eaten before the treatments. The bottom line is that while a balanced diet is important, eating foods your body will accept and tolerate makes a lot of sense. Do check with your doctor to determine if there are any foods you should avoid and if there are any foods he would recommend you try.

Beverages that you love may no longer taste good. Beverages that you are not fond of may suddenly taste better. Experiment. You need to keep your fluid level up.

# Day to Day

Back to Table of Contents

## Bald Is Beautiful

If you take certain types of chemo, your hair will thin, or it may even fall out completely. Chemo drugs attack fast-multiplying cells, and that includes both cancer cells and hair follicles. Understanding why it happens does not necessarily prepare one for the event. Some people think that it will not be a big deal, so they do nothing to prepare. And some people are more impacted by hair loss than others. A friend wrote a few years ago, "One morning I got up, but my hair did not." For others it is more challenging.

Like Robin Roberts of ABC television's Good Morning America, some people refuse to let cancer be in control. When her hair began to thin and come out in chunks, she asked her hairdresser to shave her head. San Antonio's Channel 12 news anchor Leslie Mouton lost her hair to chemo and broadcast the news with her bald head exposed to the world.

The American Cancer Society understands the difficulties of hair loss and offers wigs, especially for women. Prior to starting chemo, go with one of your cancer survivor friends and get a wig. Select something close to your natural hair color and length. If you don't need the wig, that's wonderful. If you do need it, you have it.

That having been said, are you prepared for your eyebrows to fall out along with the rest of your hair? Have an eyebrow pencil handy.

One of our friends frequented truck stops where bikers liked to hang out when her sister had cancer. Those truck stops sell do-rags. These are the kerchiefs that many bikers wear. The name probably comes from the hairdo that the cloths (rags) are used to protect. Her sister used the do-rags not only to conceal her baldness, but also as fashion accessories.

Now for the good news. You may be able to stop shaving your legs during your treatment. Even after you are through with all of the treatment, the hair on your legs may be finer, slower growing, and require less shaving. So celebrate. Look what cancer is doing for you.

Finally, the American Cancer Society always needs hair to make wigs. If you have a friend with a fine mane of hair, you might suggest that she could donate some of it to help cancer patients.

## What Ministry Is God Preparing You For?

See 1 Peter 1:6-9.

There is a reason cancer came to visit you and then moved in. You may never understand the reason, but God will use this experience to prepare you for the ministry He has in mind for you. I would never have envisioned talking to a group about visiting cancer patients and their families. I would never have envisioned writing a devotion about our experiences with cancer, but I wrote many of the devotions in the booklet We Heard the Wings of Angels. For nearly fifteen years, those devotions have been available on the website of Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church in San Antonio, Texas. I would never have envisioned writing another booklet titled, Cancer - An Intense Houseguest, but I did. Whatever God is preparing you for, open your arms and embrace it.

## Lists

Your friends want to help. There are some who will come over, see something that needs doing, and do it. The majority, however, will ask, "What can I do?" At first you may not be able to think of anything for them to do. You might even think, "I've got cancer, and I have to do their thinking for them!" There is a solution. Keep a notepad; when you think of something that needs doing, just jot it down. You can refer to the list and give assignments. Better yet, you can turn the list over to a friend to organize the tasks and pass out assignments. Remember, volunteers want to help. However, if you don't help them find an appropriate task, they will sit idle. Then you will be expected to entertain them. Susan is a lady who has both cancer and cerebral palsy. A friend of ours acts as her secretary. She writes and organizes Susan's notes and thoughts on a computer. Another friend takes care of bill paying. Everyone has something to do, but no one is overloaded. By the way, has anyone shined your shoes and mowed the lawn? How about taking the cats in for their annual shots? Since doctors' appointments often run late, someone should be on call to pick up the children from school and help with all the other things that have to be taken care of after each appointment.

## Fatigue

Chemo tires you out. Each dose of chemo tires you out a little more, since you don't have time to recover completely before you start the next round. Have a meal waiting for you at home after each chemo treatment. That way, you are prepared if you are too tired to cook. Or you can do what Judy did when Dorothy was driving her home from chemo. They would stop at a restaurant and eat while visiting with each other.

## Set Realistic Goals

If you set a goal that you are going to put in a full week's work, but you are already exhausted when you get to work on Monday morning, maybe your goal is unrealistic. When Judy had cancer, we set a goal of getting ready and trying to make it to church. Notice the goal was trying to make it, not necessarily making it all the way there. Sometimes we got halfway there before we turned around and went home. We did not make it to church, but we had met a very realistic goal for that week. Later, we not only made it to church but also stayed for Bible Class. Sometimes standing up with help is a realistic goal. Never quit. Remember, God does not give us any challenge that we cannot face with His help.

## Keep on with Your Life as Much as You Can

Cancer changes your life. Cancer changes your family's life. That having been said, try to keep your life and your lifestyle as normal as you can. If you go to a family reunion every other year, you should still go if you can, even if you won't be able to participate the way you normally do. Judy went to her family reunion while undergoing treatment. Although we did not discuss it, I believe we both anticipated that this would be the last time she saw some of her relatives. She spent most of the weekend in bed, and I would shepherd in one or two visitors at a time to see her. She survived that reunion and has since been back for many more.

You will have to make adjustments, but if you abandon the things that are important to you, you are admitting defeat. Sometimes just keeping on with your life is what gives you the willpower to fight the cancer.

When I commented to a friend that she had made it to church even though she was feeling lousy, her reply was, "I can get up and fight, or I can lie down and die. I'm not ready to die."

## Focus on the Positive

If you listen to people tell you that you are going to die or that God is using cancer to punish you for some failure, you will begin to believe it. Some people, especially older people, feel ashamed that cancer has invaded their family. On a logical level, they understand there is nothing to be ashamed of, but shame often occurs on an emotional level (2 Timothy 2:23). It is like the "closet monster" that bothered us when we were children and an older sibling told ghost stories before we went to bed. We know there is nothing to it, but....

It may be helpful for caregivers to do a little selective editing. I lost a greeting card that asked Judy what she had done to get cancer. If a magazine features a very negative story, you may want to hold it back unless the patient asks for it. If a person spews negative vitriol, you may want to discourage him from visiting, explaining that the patient needs her rest.

Many children believe that they are the cause of their parent's illness. That is a very heavy burden for a child to bear. One way to prevent this belief from forming is to focus on the positive and ensure that your children do not feel left out. This is a win-win situation. You go out of your way to protect your child, and in the process it helps you.

Medical databases can also give misleading information. We know a young lady whose parents were informed that a medical database tracking survival rates for a specific cancers listed seventeen patients with the same cancer as their daughter. All seventeen had died. Their daughter was number eighteen. She survived because of what the doctors had learned from treating the other patients. Cancer treatment is advancing faster than politicians can change their positions.

Well over half the information available on the Internet is false or misleading. Some statistics suggest that more than 90% of it is wrong. You can read on the Internet that liver flukes cause all cancers or that eating anything besides pureed raw fruits and vegetables will lead to cancer. You can read that you should tell your doctor to stop treatment and that you can cure yourself with a food blender and raw vegetables. It is perfectly acceptable to spend time on the Internet learning about your variety of cancer, but get your information from legitimate sources like The American Cancer Society's website and articles from peer-reviewed journals.

Matthew 7:15-20 talks about false prophets. Consider purveyors of misinformation to be false prophets. As an illustration of how skewed information can be, go to http://www.DHMO.org. This is a tongue-in-cheek website about water (chemical name: dihydrogen monoxide). It even talks about the connection between water and cancer. Now that you know the joke, be ready for a laugh when you read it. In fact, read it with a friend and laugh together. However, if you did not know what dihydrogen monoxide really is, the substance could appear quite threatening. This website has prompted thousands of people to write their Congressmen about banning DHMO. A friend of mine got all the sophomore and freshmen chemistry majors at a Texas university to sign a petition to ban DHMO. People who should know better can get taken in by well-plotted documents and schemes.

If you have questions about something you read on the Internet, ask your doctor. Evaluate everything you read about cancer on the Internet against the information found on the following sites: www.cancer.org, www.cancer.net, and www.cancer.gov.

## Uplifting Music

Listening to uplifting music can bolster your spirit. Yet what I consider uplifting and what you consider uplifting may not be the same. What you think of as uplifting, I may not even think of as music. A friend from Chad claims that he loves all music and finds all music uplifting. However, he also explains that rap is not music. So he does not need to like it, and it definitely is not uplifting. Realistically, I think contemporary music is uplifting, and for me, contemporary music is written by my contemporaries - composers like Handel, Bach, Mozart, etc. It is okay to chuckle at this point. You should hear my granddaughter's response to my definition of contemporary music. Go with what you think is uplifting, and ignore what I think is uplifting.

TV can occupy your time, but much of it is not uplifting. Does having the TV on just so there is sound in the room help your mood? If it does, use it.

Some people like to listen to water flowing in a creek or the surf against the beach. Find what is uplifting for you and listen to it. You can go to sleep with music on and wake up with it on. A problem with trying to go to sleep with the TV on is that the commercials are a little louder than the programming. When you start to drop off during the eight standard minutes of programming, a series of loud commercials wakes you up. Having researched the loud commercial phenomenon a number of years ago, I discovered that commercials are not really louder. Commercials are broadcast at 100% of modulation, and the programming is broadcast at 80% of modulation. I think what that translates into is that the commercials are not actually louder. Instead, the programming is softer. For me and most normal humans, though, the commercials sound louder.

## Reading

Now is the perfect time to catch up on your reading. Keep several books available. Keep something light, and keep something more serious. Keep something inspirational. Do you like poetry?

Have a variety of things on hand in case you get disgusted and throw a book or magazine across the room. If you have additional reading material ready, you will not have to get up and retrieve it.

Select your reading material to match your mood at the moment, or better yet, select items that will put you in the mood you want to be in. If you are expecting visitors, you might not want to get into the middle of Raymond Brown's 878 page treatise, An Introduction to the New Testament. Once I get into it, it is hard for me to put it down and even harder for me to find my place when I start reading again. Uncle John's novel might not be the thing to read if he is coming to visit. He might find you sound asleep after reading just the first three pages.

If laughing hurts, set aside the reading material that are likely to make you laugh. This is hard for me to say, since much of what I write is meant to be humorous. On the other hand, do you want a real tear-jerker of a story? Take some time when making your selections, and keep lots of options available. My editor told me that this book is a real tear-jerker.

Have you ever read the Bible from cover to cover? If this is one of your goals, now might be a perfect time to start. Hold off on Leviticus until the end. It can slow you down, and you don't want to get discouraged just as you are getting started.

Finally, keep a copy of this book available so you can show your friends and relatives how they ought to behave. Are you chuckling yet?

## Humor

This may seem like a strange time to want to laugh. But medical studies have shown that laughter (the real stuff, not the polite type) can be beneficial. It has been shown to reduce the need for pain medication. It can help reduce the intensity of medicinal side effects. It lowers blood pressure. It provides an emotional release and helps you look at your situation more objectively. Laughter is better for you than the alternative. It promotes a sense of well-being. It helps break the tension of the situation when people realize that they don't have to be sad for you all the time. If you can laugh in your situation, it must be okay for them to laugh too.

Our friend Joe, who is a nurse, told us about a patient he once cared for after open heart surgery. She was overdue to be discharged, but had a persistent low-grade fever. Her family tiptoed around her as if she might break. Joe was showing them how they could use a pillow to help her when she coughed. The pillow would serve as a splint for the broken sternum. Well, Joe said something, probably something inappropriate, which is not unusual for him. She burst out laughing and, of course, started coughing. After a few more good laughs with the family as they held the pillow to her chest, she cleared her lungs of the mucus plug that was causing the fever. She went home the next afternoon. So keep some of your favorite comedy movies, books, cartoons, or recordings on hand to give your morale and your body a boost.

Dr. Blumhardt leaves two books by Christine Clifford, M.D. (a cancer survivor), in her chemo room. They are Not Now - I'm Having a No Hair Day and Our Family Has Cancer, Too. They are short and easy to read.

## Moods

See Proverbs 18:14.

As time passes, you will have moments when you are scared, moments when you are bored, and moments when you feel lost. Is it any wonder that your mood varies? Added to that, many of the drugs prescribed during cancer treatment can impact your moods. There is a tendency to take your moods out on those who are closest to you. When you find that you want to snap at the people around you, hunt for a way to control those moods. It may be music. It may be writing in a journal or a long walk. A long walk, depending on your condition, may be a few feet or a few miles. A friend of ours, a nurse who at one time administered chemotherapy treatments, relates that one of her patients had a unique way of letting it out when she felt out of control. She would wait for her family to leave in the morning, then she would turn on the stereo as loud as it would go (to keep the neighbors from thinking she was totally crazy). Then she would scream at the top of her lungs, "I hate you, cancer! Get out of my life." It may seem a little odd, but it worked for her. The closer you can keep your daily life to the way it was before cancer, the easier it is to control mood swings.

Have you thought about having a chemo shower? It's like a baby shower, but with hats, scarves, and lotion. You can play games like "Throw Away The Razor."

Have a friend make "Cancer Sucks" hats for the patient, her nurses, and her friends.

Suggest to whichever of your friends has the most beautiful hair that she should shave her head so the two of you can look like sisters. Chances are that she will not, but every time you think of her response, you will smile. And that smile will improve your mood.

## Don't Plan on Your Funeral

While you may want to save your loved ones the trouble of planning your funeral, consider your reasons. If planning your funeral is a sign that you are giving up, don't do it. If you give up, the cancer has won. Remember to stay positive.

When this document was in draft form, a friend read the previous paragraph and responded that there are many people who in the normal course of their lives plan their funerals, write their wills, and so forth. Those people should continue to do what they would normally do. Also, everyone, no matter what their state of health, should have an "in case of death" file so that those left behind can find important documents such as wills, insurance policies, investments, or letters to friends and relatives.

In my family there is a tradition of singing Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus" at the end of funerals. After hearing the San Antonio Lutheran Chorale sing it, I thanked the director for practicing for my funeral. As you can see, I am already planning my own funeral.

# Confessions of a Cry Baby

Back to Table of Contents

I asked a friend to review the draft of this document and add anything she thought I had missed. She told me that I had forgotten to include a chapter that gave the patient permission to cry. It seems to me that Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 3:4 speaks to the issue.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: (ESV)

Ecclesiastes 3:4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; (ESV)

The Bible says that there is a time to weep. It is okay to cry. Here is our friend's story:

"I remember when just before I started chemo, I woke up crying while my husband and I were still in bed. I was crying because I was going to lose my hair and because I didn't know exactly what was going to happen to me. Yes, the doctor and nurse had explained everything, but I hadn't had a treatment yet, and it was scary. My husband held me and told me everything was going to be okay. When I got to work, I cried again as I tried to email the church staff to ask for their prayers and support. One man, with whom I have worked for many years, asked what was wrong, and he really saw the "water works." Later that morning, flowers arrived for me from the staff along with a note of encouragement. This brought more tears. Of course, the staff stopped by with hugs and prayers.

"Another tearful time was when my husband and I told my parents, sisters, brothers, daughters, and grandsons about the cancer. We waited until we knew I would need surgery and what kind of surgery would be required. My grandsons, who were nineteen and sixteen at the time, stood on either side of me when I told their family. They hugged me the whole time I was talking. Both of them are so loving.

"I had to tell the rest of the family by phone. We could not have come through this without the support and prayers of our family and friends and our faith in God. We never lost faith in His love and care for us. Even now, on the five-year pill, I still have moments when all I want to do is cry. There was a Sunday afternoon about a month ago when I was sitting on the porch eating ice cream and crying for no reason. Of course, I can always blame it on the medication. These are just a few of the many times my tears flowed, and yes, as I am writing this now, there are tears in my eyes."

Philippians 4:4-6 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (ESV)

Even though our friend did not mention that it is okay for family and friends to cry as well. In some cases, it is expected.

# Hospice Care

Back to Table of Contents

When you and your medical team see little hope of benefit from aggressive anti-cancer therapies or if treatment is too risky, Hospice Care is often instituted. You will find Hospice professionals to be caring and knowledgeable people who can help you keep your life as normal as possible. We know people who improved when placed in Hospice Care. My mother did not have cancer, but when she was placed in Hospice Care in January 2008, her doctors said she probably would not make it to Easter. She made it to Easter, and then to the next Easter, and on to September 2009. She lived twenty months when the doctors had thought she might make it two or, at the most, three. She did all of this while living at home.

Also, if you decide that you have been through enough, and you elect to stop treatment, you should feel free to do so. Your close relatives will appreciate it if you take the time to discuss this decision with them. If you are placed in Hospice Care, use the time for living. Fill those days with good memories. There are others who look at Hospice Care as a time for dying. I have known two patients who died within 24 hours of being told they would be placed in Hospice Care. Each decided that their time had come.

# The End Is Near

Back to Table of Contents

A friend, who is an RN, lost her father to breast cancer. She offers the following advice.

"I thought that I had prepared myself for the news that my father was not going to get better. But when the news came, it was hard for me to accept. It was also hard for all of us who knew him. There just isn't a way to prepare for that kind of news. In situations like these, each of us is torn about to what we should do. If you are the primary caregiver, the responsibility becomes so much greater, and it is easy to forget to take care of yourself while you concentrate on taking care of your loved one. This is natural, but it is not healthy. You need to take a break from time to time. Even if you have to throw a tantrum to get someone else to come in and take over for a while, you need to take care of yourself, or you will not be able to take care of your loved one. When you take a break, whether it is a fifteen minute break or a quick trip down to the coast to walk along the beach, do not feel guilty. Do you feel guilty when you stop during a trip to refuel your vehicle? Buying fuel is a mandatory part of driving. Taking a break is a mandatory part of being a caregiver.

"As a caregiver, it is necessary to support your loved one. You can do this by speaking openly about their prognosis and their wishes. This will make coping easier for both of you. That does not mean that it is easy, just that is easier than it would be if those items were not addressed. Discuss their final plans and honor their wishes. If you are ready to listen and discuss, but not argue, the patient will have an easier time talking.

"Making final plans together and knowing that you're honoring both your loved one and your loved one's wishes can be very therapeutic for everyone involved. The greatest challenge may be to accept their wishes, particularly if they choose to forego treatment.

"In the meantime, remember that you still have your loved one with you today and make the most of that time. As difficult as it may be, help your loved one carry on with life as much as possible. Do as many of the usual things your loved one enjoys as is manageable: reminisce, continue to make memories, and do the things you like to do. It is all part of preparing for the harsh reality of letting go."

# Cancer in Children

Back to Table of Contents

When cancer attacks children, the impact on the parents is often worse than if they had the disease themselves. A friend told me that when a child has cancer, it is extremely important to minister to the whole family. She explained that she wishes now that she could have spent more time with her other children. At the time, she and her husband were overwhelmed and just did what they could. To this day, her other children remember the business trips they went on with their father while their mother was needed at the hospital as high points of their lives.

When the American Cancer Society or a cancer treatment hospital hosts a party for children with cancer, they always include the siblings.

Our friend Ann writes, "Our daughter Cathy was just eight or nine-years-old during the fifteen months between the time that Rene's colon cancer re-emerged in his liver and his death. We tried to be as honest as possible with her. When I was thirteen-years-old, my father's heart attack was hidden from me. I was terribly ashamed and upset when I was asked how he was recovering from it.

"We tried to keep a positive, hopeful atmosphere in our home, and we also tried to keep Cathy's life and activities as normal as possible. That, indeed, is where friends came in. We enlisted them to transport, entertain, etc. Most of the friends were grateful for a way to help, and I still have a big spot in my heart for those who looked out for her!

"Another concern for preteens and young teenagers is that they are very vulnerable to an apparent lack of concern and feeling ignored. I know of two young ladies who made some very bad choices regarding their need for attention and affection. Those choices added unexpected grandchildren and unwed teen mothers to the mix."

# Insurance

Back to Table of Contents

Hopefully, you have good insurance coverage, and hopefully, you will not have problems getting any of your treatments paid for. That being said, if an insurance company can delay a payment for a day, they can earn interest on that payment for a day. While a day's interest on $200.00 is not much, when you delay payments for 100,000 customers for six weeks, it becomes serious money. Delays can take many forms, from denying a claim to sending out a form asking if you have other insurance coverage. Yes, the same form you filled out and sent in with the last dozen claims! Each time a delay occurs, just remember it is a game the insurance company is playing to earn extra money. Never accept the denial of a claim, but don't let it bother you either. It's just a macabre game they are playing, and you don't want to let them win. Keep your doctor informed about the games the insurance people are playing.

Some of your friends may ask if you think they should buy cancer insurance. Suggest that they talk to their financial advisor, not an insurance salesman. If you tell your friends they should not waste their money on the insurance, they may argue with you. If you tell them they should buy cancer insurance, they may still argue with you. Unless you enjoy arguing, just avoid the issue. If you like to argue, give them an answer and then change it the next time they come over. If they request more information, feel free to tell them that the authors of this book, after meeting cancer face to face, did not see a need to purchase cancer insurance.

# Conclusion of Part One

Back to Table of Contents

Cancer changes your life. Our friend Jan writes, "I was just nineteen-years-old when I had thyroid cancer. Fortunately, it was discovered before it spread. I waited eleven years before I had a kid. I had regular check-ups for 25 years before I got tired of them. But I have always had my paperwork in order, and each kid's graduation was a milestone for me, starting with nursery school.

"We travel a lot now, almost once a month. So, I pay all our bills in advance, keep my closets cleaned out, and sleep well when I am gone. Those are all lessons I learned from my experience. I do not want to leave any unfinished business for my heirs or survivors."

You will find that cancer will change you in ways that you did not anticipate. Many of those changes will be very positive.

There are no right answers or wrong answers. There are just answers that work for you.

We wish to thank our support group and the others who read this manuscript and helped us improve it. It would not have been completed without their help.

# Forward to the Devotions

Back to Table of Contents

In late June of 1997, we moved into a 1,000 square-foot garage apartment. We planned to live there for maybe eighteen months while we built our dream house. We were in a new city and had joined a new church. I was part of the devotion writing team for that new church. Life was good. In August, Judy was diagnosed with cancer. Throughout the fall, every time I wrote an Advent devotion, it ended up being about cancer. A good friend suggested that those devotions be could collected into their own booklet. I asked a few friends to help, and the result was We Heard the Wings of Angels. The devotions in that booklet were written by the following contributors:

Marj & Ray Gerfen

Pauline & Johnny Langner

Judy & Herb Nordmeyer

Karen Oakes

Betty Spiser

In March 1999, we printed 400 copies of the booklet and figured that would last us for years. In April, we ordered a second printing. We then made the print masters available to others and completely lost track of how many copies were printed. A few years ago, we learned that a furniture company we had never previously heard of was distributing copies.

We copyrighted the original version, but gave others permission to copy it as long as no one charged for the booklet. The booklet has been available for years as a PDF document on the website of Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church in San Antonio, Texas (www.shlutheran.org). More recently, it was posted on the "Nordy Books" website (www.NordyBooks.com).

Cancer patients and their families feel many emotions.

We feel isolated.

We feel despair.

We feel fear.

We feel hope.

We feel hair loss.

And we ask, "Why me, Lord?"

We forget to treat our loved ones in a loving manner.

We go through different stages, ranging from denial to acceptance. For many, this is the first time that we have heard the wings of angels. It is a scary experience. These devotions cannot solve our problems. But they can share the fact that others feel the same emotions. And they can give a little guidance as to where others found help in the Bible.

After having cancer in our family, we felt called to collect devotions about cancer and print them in booklet form. We have also completed two booklets of devotions for the Daily Encouragement series, and we are working on three more. If you wish to contribute a devotion, please send it to us. If you feel that you cannot write, just note the main points, and we will try to put your ideas into a devotion. We will send it back to you to see if we have captured your thoughts.

# DIAGNOSIS

Back to Table of Contents

## When Will the Message Come?

It is 7:30 a.m. on a Friday. It seems like I have been sitting in the surgery waiting room forever. The nurse said that the doctor would be out when he was through with the surgery. What will his message be? I cannot change the message. I cannot speed up the delivery of the message. All I can do is wait, pray, and pace the floor. Pacing the floor will only wear the floor out. Knowing that does not stop me from pacing. I do not know what the message will be, but I know that it is important. The only thing that stops me from pacing is sitting down to write a few words. The only words that will come from my pen are words of fear.

The children of Israel knew that someday God was going to send a Messiah, but they had already waited for many generations. The Egyptians, the Babylonians, and now the Romans had ruled over them. Then they heard of a messenger. His name was John. He lived in the desert, dressed in camel's hair, and ate wild honey and locusts. (I hope my wife's doctor does not eat locusts. I must ask him if he does.) The people went in droves to hear him. They did not know what the message was going to be, but they knew that it was going to be important.

The children of Israel heard that the Messiah was coming. I heard that everything went well. I could stop worrying. Would I?

Mark 1:7-8 And he preached, saying, "After me comes he who is mightier than I, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit." (ESV)

Lord, thank You for doctors and medical science. Help me be patient while they perform miracles on Your servant. Amen

## A Wake-Up Call

I hit the snooze button on God's alarm clock one more time that Monday morning. After all, the doctor had said that my wife's operation on Friday had gone well, and they had not seen any indication of cancer. He had taken biopsies, and the results would be back eventually. That was just a precaution, wasn't it?

At 10:20 that Monday morning, our world changed. The doctor called. He said that he would normally ask my wife to come into the office to receive the news, but time was of the essence. His voice said the biopsies had come back positive. His voice said my wife needed to come into San Antonio to have tests run. He had scheduled her for surgery on Friday. The tests must be run before the surgery. The message that came through was a wake-up call from God. It came through loud and clear, "My child, wake up."

God, did I really need such a strong wake-up call? Wouldn't a common cold have done just as well? I could handle that. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm supposed to be strong for my wife, but how can I be strong if I am overwhelmed by this wake-up call? In the following passage, Jesus is speaking.

Matthew 24:42-44 "Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. But know this, that if the master of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect." (ESV)

Lord, I know that I forget to depend on You when times are good. Forgive me and help me to lean on You. Amen

## What Kind of Cancer Is It?

It was such a simple question, but we got a different answer every time we talked to the doctor. The Pap Smear had shown something was wrong, but the cells were not classical cancer cells, so additional testing was done. A decision was made that it was probably ovarian cancer. A laparoscopy was performed to check it out. No abnormalities were found in the ovaries, but little nodules were found in the lining of the abdominal cavity. The nodules did not look like a typical cancer.

A biopsy found cancer cells in the uterus, so it must be uterine cancer. Then the biopsies from the little nodules came back positive. This indicated that the cancer had spread from the uterus to the peritoneum. But the cells were not classic uterine cancer cells. Something was wrong, but what was wrong?

Chemotherapy was scheduled, and then an expert in Boston recognized the cells. They were typical cells of a primary peritoneal carcinoma. The scheduled chemotherapy was cancelled, and a different set of chemo drugs was selected.

Before treatment can be effective, we need an accurate diagnosis. That's true in all things, not just in cancer therapy, isn't it? When God correctly diagnosed us as sinners, He graciously prescribed the only medicine that could heal us - a Savior! God sent His Son to bear our grief and carry our sorrows. He was wounded for our transgressions, and by His stripes we are healed.

Turn to Psalm 39, and read about David's anguish.

Lord, I want to pray that the tests show that there is no cancer, but that might be praying for an inaccurate diagnosis. Lord, whatever the diagnosis is, let it be an accurate diagnosis. Amen

# FEAR

Back to Table of Contents

## The Cancer of Sin

John preached, "Repent and be baptized." Some, perhaps even many, of those who heard him thought that their sins were not as bad as their neighbors' sins. We know according to James 2:10 that if we break one part of the law, we break it all. There is no sin so little that it does not require repentance. Cancer is like sin. If you have a little, it will grow in you. John the Baptist preached, "Prepare the way for the Lord. Repent. Get rid of sin."

Getting rid of sin is easy to talk about if we are not really serious; if we are serious and we recognize the magnitude of the problem, sin becomes very difficult to talk about. Worse still, we cannot get rid of our own sins and somehow earn a way to heaven. The Lord has to do all of the work.

The doctor gave us a similar message. He said, "Get rid of the cancer." Getting rid of cancer is hard to talk about, because we cannot accomplish the task by our own efforts or the force of our will. The doctor is in charge, and the task will require a hospital, knives, chemicals, radiation, and all those things we would rather not talk about.

In one case, we are dependent on the Lord; in the other, we are dependent on the Lord and the doctor. Because God sent Jesus, we want to put sin behind us, just like we want God to guide the surgeon's hands. Let us pray for God to strengthen us for the fight against sin and against cancer.

1 John 1:8-9 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (ESV)

Lord, before healing the lame man, You forgave his sins. Forgive my sins; then maybe I will not be so afraid. Amen

## Are We Afraid to Talk about Cancer?

I read more than fifty get well cards. Only two mentioned the word "cancer." Everyone who wrote knew about the cancer. That is why they were writing, but they did not use the word.

Why didn't they mention the cancer? Was it denial?

Were they afraid of the cancer? Were they afraid that if they named the disease, it would become contagious?

Was it that they wanted to give a message of good cheer and thought that mentioning the cancer would somehow interfere with that?

Was it that they just did not know what to say?

Were they hurting as much as we were?

I don't know the answer, but I believe that they were having as much of a problem talking about the cancer as we were. One just does not mention things like that in polite company.

I feel as alone as David did when he prayed Psalm 38. (When a Bible passage is just a verse or two, we quote it. When it is longer, we provide the citation and hope that you will open your Bible and read it.)

Lord, we have many friends who are suffering because of our cancer. Please give them comfort and give them understanding that You are preparing us for service in Your kingdom. Amen

## Hair Loss

Chemotherapy drugs attack rapidly dividing cells. Hair cells are fast-dividing, so hair loss is a regular side effect of chemotherapy. Is it life-threatening? No. Is it a big deal? You bet it is.

Look at men who do not otherwise show any sign of vanity. When their hair begins to thin, they use preparations to stimulate hair growth, or they comb their hair to cover the bald spots. They put on caps and tell jokes about how hair loss simply means that they are great lovers. At least the process is slow, and it gives them a chance to get used to it.

With chemotherapy, the process is much faster. As one lady said, "I got up one morning, but my hair didn't." Even if all of your hair is not lost, it will still thin. Your head can be covered with a wig, but what about your eyebrows? Hair loss is an emotional pain. The American Cancer Society has a program that provides wigs to cancer patients. It is a necessary part of the treatment.

Why would God say in Matthew 10:30, "But even the hairs of your head are all numbered," (ESV), if a head full of hair were not important in some way? God cares about everything about us, and we would do well to care most of all about God.

In Psalm 43 David prays for God's guidance.

Lord, help me to learn that there are more important things in my life than hair – things like Your kingdom, Your steadfast love, and You, period. Thank You, for friends and relatives and those whom You would have me reach out to help. Amen

## A Little Girl's Hair

She was in the first grade, but a year and a half of chemo had ravaged her. Her hair was gone as well as her energy. Being bald in the first grade is a terrible thing. Before she started school, her teacher explained to the other students that she had been sick and that the treatment had caused her to lose her hair, even her eyelashes. The treatment had also left her susceptible to germs that wouldn't bother other people.

At school, she wore a scarf over her bald head, but she worried that one day it might slip. Every day she worried, and then one day the scarf slipped. The other students saw her bald head. They stared. Then one girl walked up and said, "That looks cool. I wonder if my mama would let me have a haircut like that?" After the ice was broken, she was accepted with or without the scarf. Since it was a lot of trouble to keep the scarf from slipping, she often went without it.

Many of our fears are like this little girl's fears. They are very real, and they terrify us until the worst happens. Then we find that they are not as bad as we thought.

Matthew 10:28-32 tells us that each of us is important.

Lord, help me to see that with Your help my worst fears are not all that great. Amen

Note: The little girl is now a nurse, and she is working on a book about cancer.

## Did She Die?

The operation was over. The doctor said that it had gone well, but that we should be prepared for chemotherapy. I called my mother-in-law to let her know. The phone call went well, at least until she picked up the phone and said, "Hello." Suddenly, I had no voice. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get any words out. My mother-in-law had never scared me before. Why should I have a panic attack now? The hardest part was past. I had already finished the discussion with the doctor.

During this episode, I learned that we may appear to be in control, and we may think that we are in control, but fear can suddenly exert its influence and leave us helpless. I could discuss cancer on a clinical level without a problem, but when I tried to talk about a new aspect of my wife's cancer with someone close to me, I would choke up. Why? Probably fear of the unknown. With time, I found a solution. I would tape record a message and have it with me when I talked to someone. When I would choke up, I could hit the play button. I could get past the panic and get the information delivered. Then I could answer questions. This was not a perfect solution, but it sure beat my mother-in-law asking, "What's the matter? Did she die?"

The Lord would like to take our cares and our troubles. It is just so hard to let Him do His job without our help.

Psalm 3 is a hymn of praise by David, written after the Lord had preserved him from many enemies.

Lord, I know why I panic. Help me trust in You and in Your grace. Amen

# LONELINESS

Back to Table of Contents

## Cancer Is a Time for Waiting

Cancer is a waiting game. With cancer,

We wait for the doctor to diagnose various complaints,

We wait for biopsies to be taken,

We wait for the results of the biopsies,

We wait for God to answer our prayers,

We wait for the surgery,

We wait for the results of additional biopsies and second opinions,

We wait for the chemotherapy to do its thing,

We wait for the nausea from the chemotherapy to be over,

We wait to recover from the effects of chemotherapy,

We wait for blood tests to tell us when we can have more chemotherapy, and

We continue to wait.

It seems like we are waiting to be waiting. We are dealing with physical life and death. Friends and relatives express concern. They try to help, but how can we tell them that they don't understand? We are waiting by ourselves with our fears. We are afraid to express our fears and concerns, because then they might come true. It is so lonely to wait alone in the middle of the people here to wish us well.

In Psalm 16 David praises the Lord for what He has done.

Lord, I am tired of waiting. Give me work to do so I will forget that I am tired of waiting. Amen

# HOPE

Back to Table of Contents

## Willard's Song

My husband's friend had moved from Texas to Wisconsin and could not be here to encourage my husband during his last days. So his friend wrote a paraphrase of the 23rd Psalm and sent it to us. I read it to Willard three days before he died.

WILLARD'S SONG

The Lord is my shepherd, but I'd like to say

I'd rather just see Him in Glorious Day.

I know I won't want as long as I live,

But Heaven is finer. It's His to give.

Beside the still water, I know He will lead

But pastures in Heaven are greener indeed.

The paths that are righteous I'll follow till death

But souls are restored by His Spirit, His Breath.

The valley of death is a shadow, I know,

But I fear no evil when Home I will go.

His rod and His staff are my comfort and test,

But Heaven will show me His Love at its best.

My table's prepared, my cup overflows,

My enemy, Satan, has lost - and he knows

My head is anointed with heavenly oil,

And nothing can happen to soil or to spoil.

The goodness and mercy of God are at hand,

And now I may dwell in that Heavenly Land

Where angels and saints will sing praises so fine

And welcome me Home to the joy that is mine.

J. Menke

Compare this song with Psalm 23.

Lord, be my shepherd forever. Amen

## Listen to God

I had never given much thought to cancer ever attacking me personally, although two of my sisters have had breast cancer. They had lots of health problems, but I had always been in good health.

The cancer I was diagnosed with was not the usual variety of breast cancer. It was a rare kind, and very little information was available about it. After the surgery, the doctor was very honest with me. He said that he could not advise me as to whether or not I should have follow-up treatment. There just was not enough data to make a recommendation. I had to decide.

A dear friend of mine, who had also had cancer, came and visited with me. We prayed together and read Scriptures together. He told me, "Listen to God. Make your decision; and once you make your decision, do not look back. Trust God." I will never forget his advice. I made my decision. I elected to take no further treatment, and I was at peace. That was eight and a half years ago.

Prayer, reading Scripture, and support from family and friends, all helped make my decision much easier than it might have been otherwise. Now, I am ready to help others in their time of crisis.

In Psalm 56, David praises the Lord for all that He has done for him. Verse 3 is especially meaningful: "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." (ESV)

Lord, thank You for helping me make a decision, and thank You for helping me to not look back and second guess the decision that I made. Amen

## Day by Day - The Little Victories

"Lord, I want you to cure my wife. NOW!" This is not an appropriate way to deal with cancer, even though I tried it many times. Surgery should have handled the problem. But it didn't. Six months of chemotherapy should have handled the problem. But it didn't. A special catheter should have handled the direct application of the chemo. But it didn't. There was one disappointment after another. My wife handled her cancer better than I did. Finally, I tried to concentrate on my faith. God could handle the worrying. I would count the little victories.

What were the little victories that I started counting? They were the things that we had always taken for granted.

We made it halfway to church before having to return home.

We walked from the house to the street and back.

We made it to church.

She dropped from two pain pills every four hours to one and a half pills every four hours. Then she dropped to one every four hours.

She drove two miles into town and back. She was sore but thrilled. Gradually, she drove more.

Each step was a little victory for which we rejoiced.

Is the cancer gone? We don't know, but we can live with it. Until this point, I didn't understand a friend who said, "My wife had cancer for eight years before she died. They were the best years of our marriage."

David turns to the Lord in his time of need in Psalm 28.

Lord, teach us to celebrate the little victories and let You do the worrying. Amen

## One Day at a Time

This letter was composed by a cancer patient who claims that she cannot write.

Dear Richard and Family,

It has taken me a couple of days to come up with what I want to say to you. It's a quote from a little book called Streams in the Desert (a daily devotional book loaned to me by a fellow cancer survivor, originally published in 1925 by Cowman Publishing Co.): "God does not open paths for us in advance of our coming. He does not promise help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are on the edge of our need, God's hand is stretched out." This is based on Isaiah 43:2a: "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee." (KJV)

I have learned that this is true. Looking back, I wasn't even sure how to go about finding a doctor when we moved a little over a year ago. Our old General Practitioner referred us to a doctor in San Antonio; they had gone on a medical mission into central Mexico together. Then he also referred us to an oncologist when we found that there might be a need for one. God's plan for us fell into place, but only as we needed it. And there were other signs of God's guiding hand that I have not even mentioned.

So rest assured, GOD IS THERE for all your family members.

Who would turn to Isaiah for comfort? Isaiah 43:1-8 is a wonderful place to go.

Lord, help me to remember that You provide the help I need when I need it. Amen

## A Child-Like Faith at Sixty

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I did not go through a stage where I thought that I might die. After all, I had two sisters who did fine after they had breast cancer, and the Lord was on my side. I took it for granted that I would recover too.

When the decision was made to proceed with a radical mastectomy, I did worry. What would my husband of many years think? Would this change our relationship? My husband said it would not, but I wondered. My husband's support turned out to be wonderful.

I did not have to endure the pain that many people with cancer suffer. Since I did not undergo chemotherapy or radiation, I did not have any of the side effects they cause.

I know that God healed me and answered the prayers of many people all around the country who were praying for me. I've always put my faith and trust in God to do what is best for me. I'm just not a worrier. I take things as they come along. Maybe I have the faith of a little child, but I know God is with me no matter what the circumstances.

Mark 11:22-24 And Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." (ESV)

Lord, thank You for giving me a child-like faith and for caring for me whether I am sick or well. Amen

# GROWING IN FAITH

Back to Table of Contents

## He Made Me Weak - Now I Am Strong

Life had progressed so smoothly, with no exceptional worries and no mountaintop experiences to shout about - just a good, average, day-to-day, routine life with God at my side taking care of my needs. Then, unexpectedly, He gave me a scary burden to bear when a biopsy tested positive for cancer. Because God has been a part of my life since birth, it was not a big step for me to let Him take charge of my survival and the surgeon's hands.

That sounds too easy, doesn't it? You are right. God's plans are far too complex for any of us to anticipate. Consider the following verse:

2 Corinthians 12:10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (ESV)

When our greatest desire is for Him to take away all of our pain and agony, He has a greater plan. He wants to do more than simply get us through our present difficulty. He also prepares us for future events in our lives and for serving others here on earth. By tenderly guiding us through dark valleys, bringing us closer to our Christian friends, giving us greater confidence in our ability to endure suffering and pain, and allowing us time for contemplation, He gently leads us to the path He would have us follow. This builds faith and strength that will be ours for all of eternity.

Psalm 46 tells us that God is our help in time of trouble.

Lord, I thank You for Your love and tender care in times of suffering. Help me to bear whatever the future holds for me, and give me the strength and wisdom to accomplish Your plans. Amen

# FRIENDSHIP

Back to Table of Contents

## Funerals and Hospital Visitors

Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. We attend funerals to honor the dead, because this helps to support the living. We tell ourselves that we are doing something, when there is really not much that we can do.

Visiting hospitals is similar. The patient may not realize we are there, or he may wish we would go away and leave him in peace. My wife once invited me to go back to work so she could rest. We need to do something to help, but what can we do? The only thing we can do is pray, and that does not seem like enough. So we go and put on a cheerful face and tell the patient that he will be up in no time. Maybe just being there for a few minutes will help, but can we convince ourselves down deep that this is true?

Jesus took care of our salvation, but we still feel like we should do something. The truth is that we cannot do anything to earn our salvation. Knowing God is enough.

John 14:6-7 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him." (ESV)

Lord, so many people visit because they want to help and to bring support. Help me welcome them and reassure them that I am in Your arms. Amen

## A Mathematical Get Well Card

When she found out my wife had cancer, she started sending cards. When the phone calls from our other friends slowed down, the cards from this special friend continued to come. Every week, she sent a card with an inspirational message. We started looking forward to them. Then one week, her card contained the following message:

4 x 6 = 24

Look at the 4th book, the 6th chapter, and the 24th verse.

That didn't seem very inspirational. She had sent us a math problem. I opened the Bible to Deuteronomy 6:24 and read: And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day. (ESV)

That sounded like Law, and it was not very inspirational. My wife reminded me that Deuteronomy was the fifth book of the Bible, so I turned to Numbers 6:24-26,. Open your Bible, and read it with me.

Numbers 6:24-26 The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. (ESV)

Thank You, Lord, for all that You have done for us, and help us tell others about You. Amen

## They Didn't Know about the Cancer

We were in a Bible Class together for six months. We talked about many things, and then one day my wife was not there. She was in the hospital for another cancer operation. Several members of the class were shocked to discover that she had cancer. They did not realize that she had been on chemotherapy for the previous six months. We thought that cancer filled our every conversation. We thought that we were boring people with the details, but we found that we had friends who had never heard.

What we see and what others see can be different. We need to communicate our feelings and our needs to our friends. We know the Lord. Are we forgetting to tell those whom we see daily about the Lord, because we think that they already know? They may need a reminder that the Lord is here and that He loves them. Unless we tell them, they may never know. Failing to tell my friends about the Lord would not sit very well on my conscience. Would it on yours? If you do not speak up, no one will ever know what you wanted to say.

Matthew 9:27-31 And as Jesus passed on from there, two blind men followed him, crying aloud, "Have mercy on us, Son of David." When he entered the house, the blind men came to him, and Jesus said to them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" They said to him, "Yes, Lord." Then he touched their eyes, saying, "According to your faith be it done to you." And their eyes were opened. And Jesus sternly warned them, "See that no one knows about it." But they went away and spread his fame through all that district. (ESV)

Lord, help us tell our friends about You. If we do not tell them, they may never hear. Amen

## You Are Looking Gray

My wife had missed several of our evening Bible Study sessions. She just could not bounce back from surgery as quickly as she wanted to. The first time she made it back to Bible Study, several people told her that she looked good. This really helped her spirits. Just making it to the class had been a major effort. On the way home, she slept in the car.

The next week, several people told her that she looked even better than she had the last week. Again it helped her spirits, but on the way home, she slept in the car.

The third week, people once again told her that she was looking good. A nurse in the class even said that she was no longer looking gray, and was getting some color back. This was too much. My wife wanted an explanation. For three weeks in a row, they had told her that she looked good.

Well, the answer came:

The first week you looked like death warmed over, but you were here. That was looking good.

The second week you had improved and weren't so gray, so that was looking good.

This week you have some color, so you are looking better.

We are all sinners, and we all look black because of our sins. But God sent His Son to pay the price for those sins. When God looks at us through the blood of Jesus Christ, we look as white as snow. God does not see the sin.

In Ruth 1:8-18, Ruth pledges her allegiance to Naomi.

Lord, thank You for friends who can bring us words of encouragement. Amen

## They Came Out of the Woodwork

On October 6, we learned about the cancer. At that point, we knew a few people who had recovered from cancer, but we knew of a lot more who had died from it. There was a cousin's son, a grandfather, and a grandmother. There was a boy I had gone to school with.

Within a week, cancer survivors began to contact us. They offered to bring food. They offered to take us to the American Cancer Society office to select a wig. They suggested a visit to the dentist before chemotherapy started. But more than anything else, they were there to say, "We beat the cancer, and you can too."

We developed new friends. They didn't ask for anything except that they be allowed to help. It was hard to accept help from such unselfish people. Our first response was often, "How can we repay you?" But they just wanted to help.

Acts 20:34-38 "You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my necessities and to those who were with me. In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship. (ESV)

Lord, help me to accept help when I need it. Help me to freely give help when I can, without any anticipation of reward. Amen

# HELPING OTHERS

Back to Table of Contents

## A Key to My House

It was such a little gesture that I forgot about it. My cousin's husband was in the hospital in serious condition. She had been driving into the city each day to be with her husband, but there was so little that she could do besides sitting, waiting, and praying. I could not do anything to ease her suffering, so I gave her a key to my house and said, "Use it as if it were yours. The sofa makes into an uncomfortable bed, but feel free to call it home."

She never used the key, and I forgot all about lending it. Six weeks later my cousin's husband died. Months afterward, she returned the key and said, "Thank you. When you gave it to me, it helped so much, because I knew that someone cared."

I did not understand the significance of the action until my spouse was diagnosed with cancer, and a friend said, "I'm going to give you a key to my house."

God cares even more. He sent His Son to die for our sins. Let us thank God for what He has done for us.

In Psalm 71, David asks the Lord to rescue him.

Lord, help us see the little things that we can do to help others. Amen

## The Gift of Tickling Feet

The wise men brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh. A carol tells of a drummer boy who beat his drum. Often, it is the little things that we do for others that mean so much.

Twenty-seven years ago, my five-year-old niece was in the cancer ward at Santa Rosa Children's Hospital in San Antonio, Texas. When I could, I drove into San Antonio and sat with her. There wasn't much I could do except keep a log, call the nurse if anything went wrong, and tickle her feet. She wouldn't let anyone else tickle her feet, but she insisted that I do it. Why? I have no idea. Since she wanted her feet tickled, I complied. For hours, I tickled her feet. As one hand would wear out, I would switch to the other.

I tried to read to her, but she was not interested. She just wanted her feet tickled.

We need to do little things for people when they hurt. The little things often help them more than the big things. When we are sick, we expect others to know what we want, but maybe we don't even know what it is that we want. If we suspect that we know what we want, we need to tell others. We need to tell them that we need our feet tickled.

Hebrews 6:9-10 Though we speak in this way, yet in your case, beloved, we feel sure of better things - things that belong to salvation. For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do. (ESV)

Lord, show us the feet that need to be tickled. Help us to help those who do not know what they need. Amen

## A Prescription to Not Wash Dishes

It was December 1997, and we were sitting in the doctor's office after yet another exam prior to chemotherapy. As the doctor talked, I took notes on the pad that I carry with me whenever we go to see him. The doctor looked at my wife and winked at her as he said, "I don't want you washing dishes for the next three years." As I continued to write, the two of them stopped to see if I would respond. When I didn't, he repeated the prescription. While keeping a straight face, I tried to figure out the reason he would prescribe such a desperate measure. I considered the following alternatives:

The dishwater would react with the chemo drugs.

The doctor wanted to give my wife a goal to reach.

The doctor wanted to improve my wife's attitude.

After searching the Internet, I concluded that dishwater would not react with the chemo drugs. My wife has greatly enjoyed this prescription, and with her stubborn streak, she will definitely be here to enjoy all three years of not having to wash dishes. When acquaintances who do not know about the cancer hear the prescription, they often say, "I want to go to that doctor." We wonder if they know what it takes to be seen by an oncologist. Close friends never want to go to my wife's doctor.

Matthew 20:22 Jesus answered, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?" They said to him, "We are able." (ESV)

Lord, help our doctor prescribe treatments that will help my wife to want to get well. Amen

Note: Fifteen years have passed since my wife was given that prescription, but she still follows it. That is a cheap price to pay for having her around.

# YOUR MINISTRY

Back to Table of Contents

## You Can Lie Down and Die, or Get Up and Fight

We have only known her for a few years. She is younger than I am, but some days she looks older than I do. Cancer has assaulted her body. She comes to church even when she would prefer to stay in bed. Sometimes, I think a better description would be that she drags herself to church. One day she told me, "You can lie down and die, or you can get up and fight. I'm not going to lie down."

She is performing a valuable ministry, though I'm sure she would deny it if asked. She is an example to all of the cancer patients she knows. She shows them that they have to fight the disease and keep God foremost in their lives.

She is an example to all of us. If she can come to church feeling as bad as she feels, do I have an excuse to stay away? Maybe the part of the ministry that God has given her is helping get me to church on Sunday mornings. We cannot earn our way into heaven, but we should provide a witness to others as a thank offering for all that He has done.

1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. (ESV)

Lord, I'm not ready to lie down and die, but it is so hard to get up and fight. Give me the strength to be an example to others. Amen

## What Ministry Is God Preparing You For?

When my wife was diagnosed with cancer, an old friend called. This friend had been her college roommate thirty or so years ago. They kept in contact by mail and with occasional visits. After saying how shocked she was to hear that my wife had cancer, the friend asked, "What ministry is God preparing you for?" My wife did not correct her bad grammar.

We each have a ministry. Our individual ministry, in some way, prepares the way for the Lord. It may be preaching the gospel, it may be folding bulletins, or it may be cutting the grass so that the church looks better. Our ministries change as we travel through life. Maybe one of my ministries is writing this devotion.

When we feel that life is not being fair to us, maybe it is time to ask, "What is God preparing me to do in His kingdom?" Then we should pray, "Thank you, Lord, for preparing me to serve You better."

In Psalm 9 David praises God.

Lord, thank You for preparing me to serve You. Now tell me what You want me to do. Amen

# SELFISHNESS

Back to Table of Contents

## It Would Be Easier If You Took It Easy

She had cancer. There was a laparoscopic procedure. Then there was major surgery. Then there was chemotherapy. The chemotherapy was a poison. I suspected that they figured out how much it would take to kill her and then backed off just a little in the dosage. Each time they gave it to her, I worried. Could she take as much as she took last time? Would the doctor recognize that she might be more fragile this time around?

The process drained her and kept her at home for days at a time. Whenever she felt a little better, she wanted to go places. So we would go somewhere. She would start to feel bad, so we would turn around and go home. Sometimes we would not even get to where we were going before we turned around and went home.

I pitched in and helped where I could, but there was so little that I could do. It would have been so much easier if she had just stayed home a little more, but she would not. When she could drive herself, she drove herself. But I still worried. Would she run out of energy while on the expressway or in rush hour traffic? But then I felt guilty for wanting her to take it easy. Maybe that was not what was best for her. How could I know what was best for her?

In Psalm 31, David proclaims that God is his rock and his fortress.

Lord, give me the energy and the will to keep up with my wife, both when she feels good and when she feels poorly. Amen

# INDEPENDENCE

Back to Table of Contents

## A Sporty Wig

He was diagnosed with cancer and started chemotherapy. Our daughter was planning on getting married in six months. He said he wanted to make it to her wedding. He went out and planted flowers to beautify the yard for her wedding, and they died.

He lost his hair, but it didn't seem to bother him. He was more concerned about me. Did the hair loss bother me? Of course, it didn't. He went out and replanted the flowers, and they died.

One day, as a surprise for me, he came home wearing a wig. The wig just wasn't Willard. I knew how his hair had looked before he lost it, and I knew how he looked bald. But the man in the wig just wasn't my Willard. I tried to hide my feelings about the wig, but I couldn't. He went back to the wig maker and said, "I don't want to see that look in my wife's eyes ever again." He came home with another wig. That wig made him look more like the Willard that I knew. He went out and replanted the flowers yet again.

He made it to our daughter's wedding and gave her away. He went out and replanted the flowers.

Matthew 6:27-33 tells us to not worry, because God knows our needs.

Lord, give me the strength to go out and plant flowers in Your world and to continue replanting them every time they die. Amen

## The Safety Deposit Box Key

When death is near, sometimes we forget our priorities. One incident, which in retrospect appears funny, was not funny at the time. We had a safety deposit box, and my husband had the key. It contained all of our important papers, so my daughters and I felt that we needed to know where the key was kept. We did not want to ask my husband, because that would communicate to him that we had given up on his recovery.

I went into the bedroom and looked around on the dresser. It was obvious that he knew I was searching for something, so I left.

Later that day, one of my daughters went into the bedroom to look for the key. My husband was awake. He watched her for a while, and finally said, "What are you hunting for?" She replied, "Mother needs money for groceries." He responded, "There's $1,600 in my billfold. Do you think that will take care of groceries for a few weeks?" My daughter took the billfold and left. Later, we found the key in the billfold.

In Genesis 42 we see Joseph deceiving his brothers, and we see the pain it causes his father. Did my daughter and I cause my husband similar pain as we tried to not hurt him?

Lord, You know that I use deception to try to ease the pain of others, but it is still deception. Help me ease the pain of others without resorting to deception. Amen

## I Can Still Stand

After a time, we knew that he would not recover. He probably knew it before we did. He said that he wanted to die at home, not in the hospital. So we started making all of the arrangements. Then he had to go into the hospital for a spinal tap. That was hard on all of us. The procedure could not be done at home, and complications from it could have killed him.

We weathered that storm and had him home again. Each day he would stand up and walk a little. As his strength fled, I had to help him stand. But each day he stood. Each day he achieved one more victory over the cancer that was taking his strength.

With time, he lost more muscle, and my son and I had to work together to help him stand. But each day he stood and achieved one more victory over the cancer.

Finally, it was all my son and I could do to get him on his feet for a few moments. But each day he stood and won another victory over the cancer.

The day came when we could not get him up on his feet. The spirit was willing, but there was no flesh left to obey his will. He faded fast after that, because he could no longer achieve that daily victory.

Job 5 tells us that God is in control.

Lord, give me the strength to help my loved ones remain strong. Amen

## Where Have You Been?

The movies depict dying of cancer, or any other disease, as being a beautiful and uplifting experience. The movies do not show all of our fleas, ticks, warts, and moles. If they did, people might not go to the movies.

While my husband was still able, he liked to get out. It was hard on him, and it was hard on us. But he needed to prove to himself that he was still independent.

One day, he went to Builder's Square. He left at 5:00 p.m., and I expected him back by 6:00 or a little later. At 6:30, he was still not home, so I started to worry, but I did not act. If I went looking for him, it might shatter his feeling of independence.

At 7:00 and again at 7:30, I resisted the urge to go looking for him.

By 8:00, I was very worried, but made it until 8:30 before getting in my car and driving down to Builder's Square. His car was not in the parking lot, so I drove home.

He was at home when I returned, and as I walked in the door he asked, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. (ESV)

Lord, give me the strength to support my loved ones and to not answer back in a manner that would hurt them. Amen

# DEATH

Back to Table of Contents

## I Don't Want to Die, but I'm Ready

He was diagnosed with cancer, but he never used the word "cancer." He spoke about his illness, but for some reason, he never named it. Why?

During the early months of his illness, we spoke of recovery and hope. We didn't speak of death. I can't say why he didn't speak of death, but I never mentioned it, because I needed to be there to give him encouragement. There are some things that even husbands and wives have trouble talking about.

Finally, it became clear that he was not going to make it, but we still didn't discuss death. It was there in the room with us, but we just did not speak of it. One day he said, "I don't want to die, but I'm ready." He told me that he was ready to die, and in doing so, he was reaching out to comfort me. He knew that when his suffering ceased, mine would continue.

The years have passed, and I grieved, but with time I worked through my grief. After what I have been through, I can see the suffering of others. At every opportunity, I reach out to offer comfort to those who are suffering, because I know what they are facing.

Psalm 23 is a favorite Psalm. The Lord truly is a Good Shepherd and He is my Shepherd.

Lord, You have prepared me to help others who are suffering. Show me the way. Amen

# GRIEF

Back to Table of Contents

## I Was Mad at the Lord

Three years ago this Christmas, my mom died of cancer. I had a hard time dealing with this. I just couldn't understand how it could happen, especially at Christmas. This was supposed to be the happiest time of year. I had always loved Christmas - the music, the lights, and the sense of giving that seemed to fill the air.

How could a God who loved me take my mom away? I just couldn't understand. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't read my Bible. I was angry. I needed God so much, but I felt let down and couldn't ask Him for help. I was afraid that He wouldn't help. I had asked for Him to save my mom, but He didn't. I had never been so alone in my life, or so I thought.

It took over two years for me to return to church. I continue to deal with the loss of my best friend, my Mom. But I am so grateful that the Lord sent me His Spirit to comfort me and pray for me when I was in too much pain to do it myself. If it had not been for this, I don't know when, or if, I could have returned to church.

Romans 8:26-27 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. (ESV)

Lord, I have been mad at You. Thank You for not being mad at me. Amen

# FINAL COMMENTS

Back to Table of Contents

Projects can be evaluated on a number of characteristics. One of these is the amount of energy expended to complete the project. Another is the project's monetary cost. The monetary and emotional rewards of the project should also be considered. This project was very hard, because it kept taking us back to the time when the cancer was active. Financially, it was not rewarding, because we have given the booklets away. But on an emotional level, this project is one of the most rewarding things we have done. I still have problems talking about Judy's cancer, and I will probably carry that to my grave. Cancer strengthened our marriage, but I would not recommend that cancer be used as a marriage enrichment course. I would just as soon have never met that intense houseguest that changed our lives.

As of this writing in July 2013, Judy remains cancer free.

If you have thoughts, stories, or devotions that you would like to see included in future editions of this book, let us know.

###

I wish that this book was not needed, but it is. Thank you for reading it. If you would like to contribute information to be included in future editions, or if you would like to suggest topics we should cover in future editions please contact us. Take the spaces out of the following e-mail address

Herb @ Nordy Books . com

Include the word "Cancer" in the subject line.

# Nordmeyer, LLC

Back to Table of Contents

Nordmeyer, LLC, is owned by the Nordmeyer family and was set up to manage the following interests:

Their consulting business (stucco, mortar, pozzolans, green building, and building façade forensics),

Their kayak guiding service, and

Their writing and publishing business.

## Nordy Books

If you look at the web address for the writing and publishing business, you will see the obvious reason that it is commonly referred to as "Nordy Books." "Nordy Books" was set up to publish and market books that are written in whole or in part by Herb Nordmeyer. Those books fall into the following categories:

Living with Cancer,

Construction, especially related to stucco and green building,

Devotions,

Kayaking, and

Stories with Life Lessons.

Go to http://www.NordyBooks.com for an update on which books are currently available and which ones will be published in the near future. Herb receives regular requests that he complete the following books, which are currently in-progress:

The Stucco Book - Forensics & Repairs,

The Stucco Book - Creative Stuccoing,

Nature Kayaking,

Faux Green/Real Green, and

A Different Book of Stories.

One lady also makes regular requests that Herb write an autobiography.

## Books Published by Nordmeyer, LLC

### The Stucco Book - The Basics

### By: Herb Nordmeyer

Many consider this to be the authoritative resource on stucco. This book contains historical information related to stucco, in-depth discussions on how various components impact the properties of stucco, and a complete explanation of how to lath and plaster. The Stucco Book - The Basics is not only comprehensive, it is also written with Herb's trademark wit. Have you ever run across a construction book that was actually fun to read? This one is. Best of all, this volume is versatile enough to enable a do-it-yourselfer with no stucco experience to complete an acceptable first stucco job, while also providing enough detail that many seasoned professionals will remark, "I didn't realize that."

### Animals I Have Hated

### By: Herb Nordmeyer

This is a collection of true animal stories that teach important life lessons. While Herb Nordmeyer is recognized as a leading authority in the stucco industry, this book demonstrates his expertise as a storyteller. When you pick up Animals I Have Hated, you will have problems putting it down. The life lessons are woven in so subtly that they are inseparable from the stories. Herb is endowed with a dry wit that is apparent in all of his writing, so even his treatises on stucco are fascinating reads. Herb and one of his granddaughters are searching for a better title for the collection and are also in the process of converting it into an eBook.

### Tales of Leviathan

### By: Pastor Dan Mueller

Herb read Pastor Dan Mueller's manuscript of Tales of Leviathan, and decided that he needed to help Pastor Dan get it published. At some point Nordy Books will be publishing another book or two by Pastor Dan Mueller.

Tales of Leviathan by Daniel Mueller is a collection of stories Pastor Dan (The Rev. Dr. Daniel Mueller) has used as sermons. The stories concern the fictional Pastor Emory from Little Lockerbie, Oregon. Pastor Emory is a small town Lutheran pastor who deals with life's many issues. When his church was started, the congregation wanted a unique name and finally settled on Leviathan Lutheran Church. After some prodding, Pastor Dan has collected these stories into a book titled Tales of Leviathan. Pastor Dan, his editor, his cover designer, and Nordmeyer, LLC, are all donating their time. All profits from this project are used to help fund mission projects supported by Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church in San Antonio, Texas. Shepherd of the Hills has sent teams to China and Poland to teach English as a second language. Currently, we are teaching English to Nepalese refuges in San Antonio. During the summer of 2012, a team from our church went to Haiti to support Food For Hope. A team will be returning to Haiti in September 2013.

### Grandpa, Help! Answers to Questions a Young Lady Would Never Ask Her Parents

### By: Herb Nordmeyer and his granddaughters

This is a joint effort between Herb Nordmeyer and two of his sixteen-year-old granddaughters. The book's title begs the question, "What questions wouldn't a young lady ask her parents?" Try these: "Why can't I use drugs or alcohol now and then?" and "When should I have sex?"

Just thinking about the lecture that would follow is enough to make her squirm with embarrassment. But she needs answers. Relying on the advice of her friends and boyfriend may not lead to the best outcome, but what choice does she have? Too many adults are hard to talk to and out of touch with what she is going through.

What started out as a concept for a single book has now developed into a series. We are developing a website, http://www.GrandpaHelp.com, to provide more information about the Grandpa, Help series. The first volume is available as an eBook. We are working on the second volume, and talking about developing print versions.

### Living With Cancer - That Intense Houseguest

By: Judy & Herb Nordmeyer & their Support Group

Since you are reading this book, obviously it has been published. If you would like to print copies and distribute them free, let us know and we will furnish you with an MS Word document formatted for printing on folded 8.5 by 11 inch paper. Tell your friends they can download the e-book from SmashWords.com for free.

## Herb's Bio

If Cancer, That Intense Houseguest, has come for a visit, you need a good laugh. You will get one if you go to <http://www.NordyBooks.com/herbs-bio/> and read Herb's bio. Herb was told his bio was boring, so he spiced it up a little. Everything in his bio is true, but after you read it, you will find that one paragraph may have taken you for a sleigh ride (as in sleight of words).

Back to Table of Contents
