Morning, John.
You've done a couple of relationship advice videos in your time,
but I've never ventured into that territory,
and I feel like I should,
because John there are millions of young people in America today
in a perilous state,
so close to the focus of their romantic longings
and yet further away than any stranger on a street.
It's the Friendzone.
To all of the people currently in the Friendzone, by the end of this video
you will know how to escape it
but to be clear, you will not be able to do it.
Exiting the Friendzone is like exiting the Earth's gravity;
it can be done and it's even fairly easy to understand how to do it.
But, on the other hand,
in my lifetime only a handful of extremely physically fit and well-funded men and women have managed to do it
and they were all either freaking geniuses or fighter pilots.
But first, let us discuss what the Friendzone is and how to know when you're there.
"It's just so nice to finally have someone I can share everything with."
[Buzzer]
"Ah I like you too much to go out with you.
I don't want to ruin what we already have."
[Buzzer]
"I wish I could just find someone more like you"
[Buzzer]
It's really normal and understandable for the person IN the Friendzone,
the person who's like positively dripping with lust pheromones,
to imagine the dramatic unfairness of the situation.
That if the person that you so obviously love
wants someone more like you,
why don't they go for someone exactly like you?
But here's the unpleasant truth,
in the Friendzone relationship,
there is no person in the right.
You are both in an unhealthy relationship.
Trust me.
I've been in the Friendzone.
John, I'm sure that you have been in the Friendzone even more than I have,
knowing your romantic past.
If you're anything like me,
you started this relationship from a point of absolute infatuation.
Did you figure that maybe if you do everything you possibly can for this person,
you could- you could get them to the point where you're at?
So you're sensitive
and you're helpful
and you counsel them on their romantic relationships
in a way that is very much like
un-anesthetized fingernail removal.
All in the hopes that someday they will fall for you because
you're
so nice and
nearby.
But when I did this, in my life,
that person didn't respect me
because I didn't give them any reason to respect me.
I gave them all of my attention.
I gave them everything that they asked for
and I never gave them what they really needed.
I was like
a magnifying glass
and my love
was the sun
and they were a tiny ant at the end of that beam,
just being crushed under the tremendous power
of the fire of my desire.
I wasn't being a nice guy.
I wasn't being sensitive.
I wasn't even being a good friend.
All I wanted to do
was get them to love me.
Which is, as it happens, a really horrible way to get someone to love you.
So here it is.
My friends, if you want to leave the Friendzone,
there are two doors.
If you can manage it
and you probably can't,
you leave through the friend door
and you just become
that person's friend.
Support them, but, you know, only when they need it
and, you know, support your other friends, too.
It turns out that people who act like actual friends,
like mutual respect sort of friends,
they often end up hooking up.
But Friendzone zombie lust mongers
don't get any love,
ever.
The second door is the exit door,
where you just leave
and two years down the road that person will ask you,
"Why did we stop hanging out?
We had such good times."
You can tell them the truth.
Which is that you could not handle
the constant pressure
of not having your tongue in their mouth,
all the time.
So you had to leave
and go put your tongue in someone else's mouth for a while.
And maybe at that point, years down the road,
they will- they will rethink their position on you
because of what a strong and clever person you've become
and they'll stick their tongue in your mouth
and it'll be awesome.
But since you are a mere mortal,
and will probably not be able to do either of those things,
I suggest you focus
on alleviating the suffering of others,
like through kiva.org
where Nerdfighteria now has the second largest group of all time.
Please go join now,
so that we could be the biggest group.
John, I'll see you on Tuesday.
