- [DRAMATIC STING]
- [BABY CRYING]
♪♪
When he's not lecturing...
about how their awful behavior is turning people away from their ideas and they have the wrong priorities...
SARGON OF AKKAD: "It makes the left look demented.
This is the reaction of a group of people who have lost all sense of perspective."
...or having long-winded discussions about how the Magic: The Gathering feminists
have ruined the card came because he hasn't seen as many tits recently,
Carl's openly tweeting gay porn at people,
the latest in a long line of what I believe he calls a "convincing argument".
Unfortunately, Twitter aren't wise to these fifth-dimensional genius discourse moves,
and briefly suspended his account, citing a violation of Twitter's rules of conduct regarding abusive behavior.
Wait, Twitter has those?
Well, if it does, it clearly has too many!
If a man with hundreds of thousands of followers can't send unsolicited pornography to people,
we're basically living in a Social Studies Warrior dystopia!
The smart, reasonable attention seekers on Infowars dot Facebook
are very sure it's because he tweeted about how immigration causes crime.
Which, using maths, is correct. Since a non-zero percentage of all people in every country commit crimes,
immigration from any country theoretically puts citizens at risk.
We need to block immigration from every c—
Nah, I'm just kidding, only Muslim ones.
Cuz you know what THEY'RE like! And that's not racism. Islam is not a race,
so it can't possibly be bigoted to assume that all criminals who need to be stopped
I'M RATIONAL!
Don't criticize me or I'll send you porn!
[LAUGHING]
And in Carl of Sad's defense,
he only does this to Nazis and members of the alt-right in an attempt to get them to stop following him,
which is probably an effective short-term solution.
The long-term one, of course, would be to re-evaluate why his claims
keep attracting the agreement of neo-Nazis.
It's also weird that, all of a sudden, having weirdo fascists on your side is a bad thing.
Back when the EDL announced their support for him,
he was all like, "if I can get racists to support me, then I win!"
But it turns out deliberately making racist homophobes your audience
causes them to see you as one of their own. Weird that!
Usually the best way to stop ridiculous people from siding with you
is to learn how to read studies and cite facts and evidence to form your arguments.
And maybe refrain from telling members of Parliament whether or not you'd rape them
in an attempt to get attention for being edgy?
Considering he doesn't even like the people whose attention it gets him,
that would kind of seem obvious, wouldn't it?
Is this what Twitter is now? That's right.
Yeah, it's— they, they ban everyone who's not like this.
That's exactly what Twitter is like.
Only if instead of the words in the boxes it was, uh...
I actually feel kind of sorry for the guy. The world seems to be getting worse,
and blaming the people who aren't in power doesn't seem to be helping.
And he's stuck being supported by alt-right weirdos he hates,
despite intentionally pandering to them with videos about how the leftists are corrupting your children.
It might have been good for him to take a break from tweeting about it all day.
You know, chillax a little, maybe get some good shut-eye.
Based on his tweets, he's waking up in the middle of the afternoon, and that's just a bit sad.
Instead, he used the time he could have had off from calling everyone remotely to the left of him
a reactionary saddo complaining about nothing
to spend five whole hours simpering about how Twitter hurt his feelings
by punishing him for violating their platform's Terms of Service.
And he had JonTron on, fresh from advertising Ubisoft games
and getting very upset by some tissue paper on a bench,
to discuss how wrong it is to get punished for breaking the rules.
DR. LAYMAN: "He's fucking scared shitless of the new left. Because he literally— he literally said it.
That is exactly how the communist vanguards started their thing."
JONTRON: "It is!"
♪ ["State Anthem of the Soviet Union"]
[LAUGHING]
They're "commulists"!
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
That's right, that's right! Those protesters, they were all communists, mate! That's right. Sorry, "commulists."
♪ ["The Star-Spangled Banner"]
[RECORD SCRATCH]
♪ ["State Anthem of the Soviet Union"]
[READING DUMB JONTRON TWEET]
Oh boy, that reminds me of my favorite JonTron skit.
Hey, do you remember? D'you remember, the one with— with all the...
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
You know, Ken, I was thinking about, you know,
maybe taking a year off, going back to college, starting my career?
[LOWER PITCHED VOICE]
Nonsense, Barbie! You're staying here and having my kids!
Nothing! This doesn't happen! Systemic problems aren't real!
If you can purchase a Big Mac, you're not oppressed!
Go to Audible dot com slash JonTron show for a—
[CRACKS UP]
I enjoy this thumbnail used for the video, also.
It's an attempt to recast his critics as autistic people
reacting in an over-the-top, incoherent manner to his behavior.
But it's the thumbnail to a five hour video
where he and a hugbox of people incoherently rant about how mad they are
that the leftists at Twitter punished him for breaking the Terms of Service.
Oh, yeah, sure. Everyone else is the screeching one, sure.
First they came for Sargon of Akkad, and I said nothing,
because getting suspended for violating Twitter's Terms of Service is the system functioning like it's supposed to.
And also because he said nothing when one of my videos got taken down,
and instead expected me to decry when one of his videos
blaming an entire religion for a terrorist attack got demonetized.
Because, in his usual display of understanding of the free market,
no one wanting to advertise on his videos is leftist censorship.
CARL OF SAD: "And like, they always go, oh, cultural Marxism's a conspiracy theory. It's like, yeah, it's actually not."
- JON JAFARI: "No, not at all."
- CARL OF SWINDON: "Like, the Frankfurt School is something that existed."
[LAUGHING]
The Frankfurt School existed! It's not a conspiracy theory if there was a Frankfurt School!
Apparently, the people who think the Nazi conspiracy theory invented by literal Nazis is a Nazi conspiracy theory
are trying to deny the existence of a very prominent school of social theory. Sure. Yeah.
They're fucking commulists, Jacque. They're fucking Bolsheviks!
Didn't you see that one guy punch a Nazi?
Basically, anti-fascism is fascism now!
I talk about video games for a living! I can do a meritable critique of political economy!
Check out Far Cry Primal, in stores now.
The Frankfurt School exists,
so cultural Marxism has to be real!
Doesn't matter that no one at those protests fucking knows who any of the fucking Frankfurt School are.
You think that lady with the sign knows who Adorno or Horkheimer are?
Is wanting to continue having reproductive rights and health care too leftist now? Really?!
They put tissue paper on a bench!
Buy Far Cry, please!
I'm not melting down! I'm fine! I'm fine!
Jack. Mr. Twitter, please. Free Calgon.
I hear washing machines live longer with him.
And if you don't let him send porn to people in an attempt to make using your platform unpleasant for them,
then that's basically commulist censor...
[BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]
Now it's clear from this chat, and also from a good deal of the rest of their writing, that these folks think Trump won
because the left are weak, whiny snowflakes who just call things racist,
but also because they're too violent.
And also, all those people out on the street are fucking "commulists"!
Can't even get the fucking name right, but, I mean,
let's not discount their political discourse just because they have no idea what they're talking about.
Secretly, with all these weird contradictory comments and conspiracy theories,
they've disclosed the actual reason why Trump won:
A lot of people are very stupid.
Carl wants to see the left reformed around what he sees as its core ideals, which appears to be
not saying feminist no-no words and Islamophobia.
But luckily, his method of reforming the left appears to amount to whining on YouTube
and getting suspended for tweeting porn at people,
so he'll be saving the left in no time!
Imagine thinking the world was going to collapse because of Magic: The Gathering feminists,
and deciding that the solution was to say nothing of value very loudly.
In 10 years, when you're watching this video from the bottom of a trash can in hiding
because the matriarchy really did take over and are now killing all white men on sight,
remember that a few brave heroes saw this dystopia coming, and tried to prevent it by getting very mad on Twitter.
Also, since I'll definitely be dead by then, because I'm both of those things,
thanks, Carl. You could have saved me!
And instead, you...
yelled the N-word at footage of mentally disabled children on YouTube.
- "It is not acceptable to call me a retard."
- "The R-word is the same as every minority slur."
CALGON: "Oh. Well, great job trivializing minority slurs,
you nigger spic fag chink kike retard."
How dare you tell me you don't appreciate people trivializing the word "retarded".
Oh, this is the main priority to have, am I right?
No, just kidding. In the words of a certain definite smart man...
DEFINITE SMART MAN, CARL BENJAMIN: "This is the reaction of a group of people who have lost all sense of perspective."
Was that supposed to convince me?
Because I'm a feminist. According to you,
I'm the most gullible kind of person there is, and you didn't even manage to convince me about it.
And now I'm probably dead at the hands of a gender-fluid femino-Marxo Muslim.
You saw it coming and you could have saved me, but you chose to be shit.
Thanks!
If you can get a Big Mac, you're not oppressed!
You really fucked this one up, didn't you, Jon?
