History can be pretty gross and brutal at
times, and even though it's important to learn
from the mistakes of our past, there are some
historical events kids just aren't ready to
find out about. For example, did you know
Anne Frank's diary was heavily edited, and
what about the creepy wedding night shenanigans
of William of Orange. Oh, and trust me, you
do not want to know what that pervert Christopher
Columbus was really like. Which is a shame,
as he's first on our list of seven eye-opening
pieces of history you weren't taught in school.
Number 7: Columbus Was A Pedo-Pimp Christopher
Columbus obviously wasn't the first European
to make it to the American continent, and
he actually never set foot in modern-day USA,
as its thought he only ever visited the Bahamas,
Haiti and Dominican Republic. But, what he
may have been is the very first man to begin
an under-age sex slave ring in the Americas...which
is probably not how he'd like to be remembered,
but tough titties Chris, you dirty S O B.
Upon his arrival, Christopher Columbus pressed
many native people of the Americas into working
down the mines, as he considered them his
property, so much so that he even began selling
pre-pubescent girls, some as young as nine,
as sex slaves to his own men, many of whom
were known rapists and murderers. He also
used native people as food to feed his dogs,
mutilated around 10,000 of them by cutting
off their hands, and in all was responsible
for around 200,000 deaths in Haiti alone.
So now you know this, maybe let October 12th
pass without celebration next year. Number
6: The National Socialist Soda For various
reasons Youtube doesn't like it when we mention
a certain group of German people and their
leader who terrorised the world between 1939
and 1945. So, in lieu of their actual titles,
we shall refer to the man who led Germany
through this period as Taydolf Swiftler and
his Fancy Party. Now, in the year 1940, Fancy
Germany was placed under an embargo by the
Coca Cola Company due to the naughty naughty
things Taydolf was getting up to. But Germany
needed some soda to wash down all that dry,
salty anti-semitism which was so popular at
the time, so the head of Coca Cola Deutschland,
Max Keith, decided to create a new product
for the German market. He mixed whey, apple
pomace and a bunch of other gross German stuff
to create an orange-flavoured soda. And that
drink is known today as Fanta.
Huh, weird how they don't make a big thing
about that connection to Fancy Germany in
the adverts ain't it. Number 5: Victorian
Death Portraits If your beloved Grandpa passed
away how would you grieve him? Maybe you'd
write a poem. Take a walk in his favourite
park. Reminisce about old memories. Or maybe
you'd just prop him up in his clothes and
take a picture of his corpse. Smile Grandpa!
You look a little stiff. And why stop at Grandpa,
because the Victorians sure didn't, as they
had a habit of photographing everyone from
mom and pop through to dead infant babies,
with the bizarre ritual of Post-Mortem photography
starting in the nineteenth century and continuing
well into the twentieth. This practice was
supposed to help people get through the grieving
process, but I'm not quite sure how the agony
of losing a loved one would be helped by cuddling
up to your dead kids for a picture. This bizarre
routine replaced the original method of remembering
the dead, which involved painting a death
portrait. Imagine that. Having to sit still
for several hours while your mom's stinking
corpse rots beside you. Yeah, that's how I'd
want to be remembered. Number 4: History's
Creepiest Uncle We've all got at least one
creepy uncle in our family, you know, that
one who leers at you over the Christmas dinner
table, licks his lips too slowly, and gives
you twenty bucks to not tell anyone about
what happened that time in the shower. But
who have we pegged as history's creepiest
uncle ever? Enter King Charles the Second
of England, who watched his nephew, William
of Orange, enter his wife on their wedding
night. Charles apparently shouted encouragement
and cheered as William and his new wife Mary
the second consummated their marriage. But
actually, maybe we've been too harsh on Charles
here, because this was a pretty normal practice
back in ye olden times, as when a newly wed
couple went to bump uglies for the first time
they'd often be watched by their wedding guests,
who would drink, dance, shout and play music,
even bringing water and food for the couple
in case they needed a bang break. And in royal
circles the more powerful or important you
were, the higher the number of people who
wanted to watch your wedding night. William
of Orange was actually the third of his name,
and his father, William the second, duh, had
an even weirder experience. He was 15 years
old at the time, and if you think that's weird
his wife was the 9 year old Mary Stuart. Thankfully
tradition dictated that the consummation of
a marriage
could be considered complete if the two kids'
naked legs touched just once, so William didn't
have to pull a full on Columbus in front of
everyone, he merely kissed his young bride
on the cheek, waited for his wife's dwarf
to cut open her nightdress - because of course
there was a midget involved too - and they
simply went to sleep, consummating the marriage
fully many years later. I hope. Number 3:
Lincoln's Killer's Killer Boston Corbett is
known as the man who shot the man who shot
Abraham Lincoln, as on April 24th 1865, nine
days after Lincoln was killed by John Wilkes
Booth, Corbett's regiment was sent to apprehend
the assassin, eventually cornering Booth and
his accomplice David Herold in a tobacco barn
in Virginia. Now Corbett and his men were
ordered to capture Booth alive, but Corbett
claims he saw Booth aiming a gun at him through
a crack in the wall, so he shot Lincoln's
murderer with his Colt revolver, severing
John Wilkes Booth's spinal cord and causing
his death two hours later. Some people criticised
Corbett's actions, whereas others called him
a hero, saying that anyone who took on a Presidential
assassin had some serious balls. But they
were wrong, Corbett didn't have balls, because
he'd cut them off when he was 26 with a pair
of scissors. Boston Corbett had developed
severe mental issues in his youth due to his
frequent handling of poisonous mercury for
his job, and one night, after seeing two prostitutes
in the street, he became so offended at the
prospect of arousal, he castrated himself
in an astonishingly calm manner, in order
to avoid temptation and feel more like Jesus.
I mean, a cold shower would've been easier.
Number 2: Hooker's Brigade Did you ever wonder
why we call women who sell their bodies for
sex Hookers? Well some people believe it comes
from a Civil War General called Joseph Hooker,
and while there are a few examples of the
word being used to describe ladies of the
evening before his lifetime, his story is
nonetheless pretty darn interesting. General
Hooker was generous to his men, he realised
that those who fight hard need to play hard
too, and so he hired huge legions of women
to follow his troops around and keep the urges
of his soldiers satisfied. But such generosity
came at a price, because an 1861 report by
the Union Army Medical Department discovered
that a quarter of the entire army had some
form of STD. And in 1875, someone even made
this delightful syphilis map to show where
the disease had spread to the most. As you
can see, the areas where its dark purple are
of most concern, and that applies to either
the map or your junk. Number 1: Anne Frank's
Diary Was Edited The Diary of Anne Frank offers
a harrowing personal account of what life
was like for Jewish people under the Fancy
regime. Yeah sorry, blame Youtube for us still
not being able to say that word. Anyway, there
are a few interesting stories regarding Anne
Frank's diary which you may not know, one
of which covers the fact that when it was
published as a book, it was missing was a
whole bunch of personal information. This
is because the diary had been edited by the
sole surviving member of the Frank family,
Otto Frank, Anne's father. Otto was given
his daughter's diary after he escaped when
his camp was liberated, and upon reading it
he decided the world needed to hear his daughter's
story...wiiiith a few minor alterations first.
He cut out the parts where she talked about
her period or discovering herself sexually,
he removed most references to boys she liked,
and when he found that his daughter had gone
into great detail about how obsessed her father
was with fart jokes, he edited those out too.
Eventually the unedited version of Anne's
diary was released to the public, and the
world got to see more of the real Anne Frank.
It wasn't pornographic, it wasn't gross, it
was the tale of a normal girl and her relationship
with her normal family, all of which was torn
apart by the atrocities carried out by those
people we can't mention without Youtube getting
triggered.So that's our list. Did you like
it? Would you like to know more insane pieces
of history like this? Then tell us so in the
comments below. And after that why not take
a look at our recent video on the five most
brutal families in history, because there's
some stuff on there you definitely wouldn't
have heard about from your teacher.
