But maybe you should
buy Powerball tickets this year
because it seems 2016 is when
long shots just might pay off.
Bernie Sanders is
within striking distance
of Hillary Clinton
in both Iowa and new Hampshire.
WOMAN: Sanders, also,
outperforming Clinton
in hypothetical matchups
against the Republicans.
WOMAN: In the last quarter,
he raised $33 million,
just four million shy
of Secretary Clinton.
MAN: Despite Clinton raising
$112 million,
she's worried
about a surging Sanders.
Ah, yes, a surging Sanders.
Something tells me
you don't want to search that
on Urban Dictionary.
You know, a surging Sanders--
it's when you come
out of nowhere.
-As a...
-(laughter)
As Sanders catches up with,
and even
surpasses Hillary Clinton
in Iowa and new Hampshire polls,
you might be wondering,
who is this rising new,
yet old force
in the Democratic Party?
And so, tonight,
ladies and gentlemen,
we present The Legend
 of Bernie Sanders.
You see, Sanders was born
in Brooklyn in 1941
and raised by his parents--
a Che Guevara poster
and a scratchy wool sweater.
A turning point in Sander's life
came as a teenager
when he was bitten
by a radioactive senior citizen,
giving him the power
to be as grumpy as ten old men.
Sanders soon moved to Vermont,
launching his political career
by running as an independent
for mayor of Burlington.
He won that race and later ran
for congress, and won that, too.
The he ran for senate,
and won that.
If he didn't get into politics,
he probably would have won
 The Voice, as well.
And you think this is a joke,
but Bernie Sanders released
an actual folk album in 1987
titled We Shall Overcome.
SANDERS (speaking song):
♪ As I went walking ♪
♪ That ribbon of highway ♪
♪ I saw above me
that endless skyway ♪
♪ I saw below me
that golden valley ♪
♪ This land was made
for you and me. ♪
(laughter,
applause and cheering)
That is amazing! That is...
And that is real, by the way.
That is Bernie Sanders,
and that is a real song
that he made.
Even if he does
become president,
I hope he doesn't
give up singing.
No, we need more Bernie Sanders
covering songs!
You know,
can you just imagine...
(as Sanders speaking song):
♪ Hello from the other side ♪
(laughter)
♪ Hello! Can you hear me
from the other side? ♪
Where are the buttons
on this thing?
So that's where
Sanders came from.
Now, the big question is,
what does Sanders believe in?
What is his vision for America?
Well, let's start
at the beginning.
Bernie Sanders described himself
as a Democratic Socialist,
a phrase that, to some,
suggests slave labor camps,
but that's not
what Bernie Sanders stands for.
That is wrong, because
he's a Democratic socialist.
So he will let us vote
for who runs the labor camps.
(laughter)
Actually, Sanders' brand
of socialism means
policies like
breaking up the largest banks
to protect Americans from
massive potential bailouts,
and also allowing
the post office
to do some basic
banking services.
Now, this is a great plan
because this would help
lower-income people
get basic banking services
from the government,
instead of expensive
check-cashing stores.
And it would also
encourage people to save,
because if they wanted
to withdraw their money,
they'd have to stand
in a 45-minute line
behind people trying to mail
their jugs of kerosene
in a building that's only open
from 11:00 a.m. to 1:35!
(laughter)
What the hell's wrong
with the post office?!
I'm never on time.
Probably the main reason
for Sanders' growth is the fact
that he's outspoken about
wanting to help the middle class
at the expense of the rich.
I want to expand
Social Security,
and we do that by lifting
the cap on taxable income
for people earning
above $250,000 a year.
Rebuilding our
crumbling infrastructure.
...will be paid by doing away
with the loophole
that allows corporations
to stash their money
in the Cayman Islands tax-free.
I want Wall Street now
to help kids
in this country go to college.
It is time that Wall Street,
corporate America
and the billionaire class
understand
that they are going
to start paying
-their fair share of taxes!
-(cheers and applause)
It's weird. I can't picture
Bernie Sanders whispering.
-(laughter)
-I just...
(as Sanders, loudly):
I want to tell you a secret!
-(laughter) -So, yeah,
that's what he wants--
more taxes for corporate America
and the billionaires,
which I support,
unless I win Powerball.
Then boo! Boo!
'Cause I worked for that money!
So many on Team Sanders seem
to think
that his social programs
can be paid entirely
by the one percent,
but it's way more complicated
than that.
The Wall Street Journal 
calculated
that the cost of Sanders'
social programs
will average
$1.8 trillion a year.
And in 2013, the top one percent
only made $1.7 trillion.
Although that's according
to a low-end estimate
that only includes people
who filed tax returns.
Since there's 20
to 30 million people
who don't file their returns,
that means
the top one percent would
include more income.
Also, the 1.7 trillion estimate
only accounts
for adjusted gross income.
And I feel like I've...
Have I lost you guys? Uh...
(laughter)
What I'm trying to say is,
Bernie Sanders wants rich people
to pay more elephants.
(laughter and applause)
That's-that's what
I'm trying to say.
(applause and cheering)
Although,
if you ask me personally,
I think Bernie Sanders'
popularity
has nothing to do with policy.
I think it's because
he's opposite Trump.
You see,
the world craves balance.
Bernie is the yen
to Trump's racist yang.
(laughter)
Even their origin stories
are the same.
Both grew up from New York City,
and both inherited something
from their fathers.
My then wife and I--
we had a little bit of money.
My dad had passed away,
left a few thousand dollars.
I started off in Brooklyn.
My father gave me a small loan
of a million dollars.
-(laughter, applause)
-Yeah, yeah.
It's exactly the same.
A small loan
of a million dollars.
And this is what I love
about American fathers.
They leave their sons
with some cash money.
African fathers--
they leave you with nothing
but a bunch of dreams.
(laughter and groaning)
There's also one other
huge similarity.
The issue is the huge amounts
of money
that it takes
to run a campaign.
-I have a huge company.
-Huge issue.
I'm a huge
Second Amendment person.
Huge tax break.
Huge problem at the border.
Just think of it--
Trump versus Sanders.
That would be...
-Magnificent.
-Enormous.
-Humongous.
-Big!
So close.
