Man, our fees are amazing!
I can't believe we're sitting on a table, in a moving vehicle!
Oooo! Information travel pamphlets.
I want read them all, and gain their knowledge.
Kid. Those useless pamphlets have never helped a single person!
The only wrinkly old travel you'll need is me!
Now look alive! We're coming up on an
attraction run by the most black-hearted proprietor in
all of in Oregon!
Don't let the face fool you, this woman lit my car on fire on two non-consecutive occasions
I'm going in girls!
Okay! Like Soos said..
"Meet new people"
(cough)
So, uh...
..come here often?
No, I'm a tourist.
You're funny, and cute!
I mean, not cute!
I mean, you're not, not cute!
Let me start over.
My name is Dopper.
Dipper, hub two!
This ball of yarn ain't gonna prank itself.
Something on your mind, kiddo?
Thinking about miss cold shoulder over there, huh?
Ah, I'm so embarrassed!
Look, earlier this summer I ruined my chances with Wendy.
Yeah, chances.
I want to move on, but I'm terrible at talking to girls!
The moment, I open my mouth around them, I unravel like..
..like
Well, I can't think of a perfect metaphor, but you get the gist
At this rate, I'm gonna grow up to be a sad loner like Toby Determined.
Whoa, never say that about yourself!
Lucky for you, I'm an expert on women.
Listen to me, kid, when it comes to girls always be confident.
And be funny, but not too funny.
It'd be kind of annoying, but in a lovable way.
I don't know Grunkle Stan, this sounds kind of jerky!
Hey! Jerky is just a term non-jerks use..
..to bad-mouth innocent jerks!
Confidence, comedy, some third word starting with the C.
The three C's of the Stan Pine's dating technique.
At the next tourist trap, try out my advice on the first girl you see!
Cool!
Grunkle Stan, thanks!
Hey, I'm full of good ideas.
Speaking of which.
Everyone! Now!
Ah, upside down town.
The nausea capital of the state.
Whatever you do, don't use the bathroom.
Alright, kid, this is it!
Be confident!
(coughs)
Hi, I'm Dipper!
Crazy place, right?
Oh, hi! I'm Emma Sue!
You know, if you pretend we're right side up?
It looks like, everyone's hair is standing on end.
Huh, yeah, weird, right?
Pretend your screaming.
Okay, you got to take a picture of me, though.
(pretends screaming)
Let's see about..
Whoa!
Just kidding!
You are the worst!
You bet I am!
I'm bad, Emma.
I'm kind of a jerk.
Emma, come on!
We have to get to Canada before your mother gives birth!
It's the long story.
Maybe, you could tell me sometime.
Here's my email address.
Write me and I'll tell you all about it.
Girl give me her email!
And it wasn't out of her pity!
HAHA! YES!
(screams)
(hits floor)
I'm okay!
I'm better than okay!
Mabel, hi!
There's my Grenda!
Candy, looking great, looking great!
Is that a new pair of glasses very shiny?
(blushing)
Maybe it's the blood pooling in my head.
But, Dipper seems..
.different.
Yes, good different.
Now, Soos!
(stombs)
Not so upside down, now!
I can't believe it worked!
What do I do now? Do I email her?
No, no, no, you practice!
The more girls you talk to, the better you get at it!
Grunkle Stan, these tips are priceless!
And that's just the tip of the advice burg!
(falls to the water)
(bits)
Everyone on board?
Probably!
Guys? Hello? Anyone?
They'll come back for me.
So, then I said to the bouncer.
"Where's your ID, ugly?"
That's what I got this scar!
Grunkle Stan, I gotta say this was one of best days ever!
Look!
That's the Stan Pine's method, kid!
Works every time!
I'm just a little worried though.
I mean, is it bad to flirt with this many girls at once?
I'm just trying to get over Wendy.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Please, that's the best part of flirting on a road trip.
You're not gonna see any of these gals again!
To moving on!
Okay, it's time for..
Truth or dare or don't!
I choose.. don't!
Ah! You always just don't!
Fine, uh..
..truth!
Do... you... like.... someone?
Uh oh! Someone's blushing!
Okay, maybe just a little.
I don't know for sure!
It just.. started.
(both) Tell us!
Okay, it begins with a D, and ends with an ipper.
No!
Yes!
(breathe)
Ready, Grenda?
Three!
Two!
One!
(breathe in)
(screaming)
Man, coyotes sounds a lot worse than I remember!
Candy! Candy! All my life dreams are coming true right now!
My brother, my best friend!
I can't breathe! I'm so excited, I can't breathe!!!!!!!
I never really noticed him before, but he seems different lately.
Less sweaty, and more charming!
But, how do I approach him?
Don't worry about that, cancan.
Mabel's got a plan.
Alright, campers! We got another day of breaking laws and breaking hearts!
Everything up until now has been a walk in the park compared to our next attraction.
Is it a walk in the world's biggest park?
Sort of.
There she is, kids!
Mystery Mountain!
Five times the size of the Mystery Shack, and what worse?
She has real attractions!
Oh! I have read about this place, it has Sky Trim!
And a Mummy Museum!
And inside things of half a human have spider creatures!
Even their made up legends are better than ours!
Today, The Mountain Falls!
Question! The back seat makes me carsick.
Can I sit up front today?
Also question! I'm the size of two people!
Can I have a whole seat to myself?
Uh, I don't know, sure.
Change up!
(pushing)
But wait! That means it'll be just me and..
Candy Two! Sixth grade!
Oh!
Hey!
(sitting closes)
You're sitting close?
So.. Dipper, I was wondering, would you maybe want to walk around the Mystery Mountain with me today?
Sure, I mean, it wasn't that already the plan?
I mean, just us.
You and me.
Candy and Dipper.
Alright, road dogs! I got five bucks for whoever can tip the big blue ox.
Go, go, go!
I will see you in there!
Hey, what's with the mopey mug, kid?
Stan! You gotta help me!
Everything you taught me worked, too well!
I think Candy just asked me out on a date!
(punches)
Look at this little champion!
What?!
No!
I, I mean, Candy's great, she's sweet, and she's smart, but I've never thought of her like that!
And, this is all moving way to fast!
(breathe)
Okay, I just need to be honest with her, and tell her "I'm not ready for all this".
Don't you see what's happening here?
That's your dumb obsession with Wendy getting in the way of your future!
If you want to move on, you got to say "Yes" to whatever comes to your way.
Speaking of which.
But, I don't want to lead her on.
Watch and learn!
Whoa, I seem to have lost my number.
Can I borrow yours?
You are a riot!
What brings here? We don't normally get men this handsome round these parts.
Well...
.Darlene
Between you and me. What I'm doing is a little secret.
Oh, you seem like a man with secrets.
You know, I'm going on a break, you want to take the Sky Tram to widow's peak?
Take my advice or don't, but clearly, I know what I'm doing.
Oh! I can't believe this is happening!
A real date!
I wonder what they'll name the baby?
If I had a baby, I would name it Grenda two.
The sequel!
You would make such a good mother!
This place is so enchanting!
Sort of confused by the phrase new mummies daily, though.
I mean, how does even work?
This mountain is full of mysteries.
Like, why is my head, falling on your shoulder?
Uh..
Yep!
This is what I want!
This all part of the plan and stuff!
Oh, Dipper! Hey!
Corn maze girl!
I was wondering when you'd call..
Dipper, who is this?
Nobody!
I mean, uh..
Somebody but..
Dipper!
I didn't recognize you right side up!
You'll never guess where my mom gave birth.
Hey, who are these girls?
Dipper?
Why haven't you call?
Did our romantic log ride me nothing to you?
I can't believe it!
You agreed to go on a date with me.
And you were seeing all these other girls?
Well, answer us!
Which one of us do you like?
I.
I like all of you!
I mean, I don't like any of you!
(cramps hat)
I was trying to learn how to talk to girls!
Unbelievable!
So gross!
What a jerk!
Dipper Pines, I thought you were a nice guy.
But, I guess you only care about yourself.
Candy, wait!
Ah! I messed everything up!
I gotta find Stan!
He'll know what to do!
Are you sure you want to go this deep into the forest?
It's so scary!
Don't worry toots, that spider people stuff is just an urban legend.
I can't believe people fall for it!
You're so brave!
What can I say? I'm a real catch.
Yes!
(eyes turns into spider creature)
Uh, I think your contact fells out.
(screaming)
Uh, have you seen a old guy around here?
Uh, big ears, orange nose, a real know-it-all?
Stan, where are you?
I need your advice!
(phone ringing)
Grunkle Stan?
Hey, buddy boy!
So remember how we were talking about my technique?
Well, sometimes it leads to unexpected consequences.
Yeah! You can say that again!
Where are you?
The good news is, I solved the mystery of where Oregon's mummies come from.
The bad news is, I'm about to become one.
Turns out Darlene is one of those spider people.
But, beyond that the date's been okay.
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Darlene's a spider person?
How is that possible?!?
I don't know! One minute we're having the perfect date.
And the next minute, she's growing extra legs and encasing me in webbing.
Women, right?
You couldn't tell she was a spider?!?!
I was blinded by flattery!
Also this acid she spit in my face.
I'm up the mountain at widow's peak!
Alright! I'm gonna find you!
Stay put!
You got it!
(hangs out)
(steals phone)
Trying to escape?
(brokes phone)
You tricked me!
I'm 80% certain, you don't really love me at all!
Ha! Men will fall for anything!
You're so funny, great story, I love a man with shoulder hair!
You.
You didn't mean it about my shoulder hair?
Tell me Stan!
Before I transformed you who'd think who was in charge, you?
With your cheesy lines, and fake confidence!
I'm the master pickup artist here!
Sorry toots! The time, you're getting used for your body!
Which to my weird species is food!
Allow me to slip into something more horrifying.
(screaming)
I wonder what beverage pairs well with a vintage 70-something year old man?
Be right back!
Come on, Dipper! Where are you?!
I feel like such a fool!
I should have known to guard my heart in a cage of ice!
There! There!
Let my claiming voice sue you!
It is helping.
Girls!
There you are!
Betrayer!
Oh! You! What do you want?
I need your help!
With what?
Some sick jealousy trap?
Yes! Say it, Candy!
Testify!
Look! I'm so sorry about everything!
But Stan's in trouble!
You can totally kill me later, but right now he needs us.
I'll explain on the way!
Please! I don't know if you're really up there or not, but if you are!
Please save me Paul Bunyan!
Mr. Pines!
Whoa, did that really work?
(punches all spider webbing)
Quick, before the rest of the venom sets in!
No! Where are you?!?!
The Sky Trim!
Everybody on! I have a plan!
Haha, yes!
Perfect!
Ride like a wind Sky Tram!
Ah! Can't this thing go on faster?
(everyone screaming)
WE'RE DOOMED!
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
Listen carefully! This SkyTram has an emergency drop switch!
Below us is Oregon's largest poor bunion statue.
And all reliable goes off in five...
Four...
CANDY, WAIT!
DON'T PULL THAT LEVER!!
KID, ARE YOU CRAZY?!?
NOW!!
(pulls the lever)
(everyone screaming)
(hits the water)
My only weakness a giant boot! A giant newspaper, a giant cup would also have been pretty bad!
Kid, that was ingenious!
How'd you know that would work?
Useless travel pamphlets.
I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.
You let me out, right?
What?! After all that?!
Seriously, do I like an amnesiac?!
You're so funny!
Have you ever considered becoming a comedian?
You know, I actually have. Comedy is too subtle these days!
My style involves more oversized props.
Here, let me get you out..
No Stan!
(turns back into spider creature)
Oh yeah, right.
You win this round Stan! But mark my words as long as there's men like you out there with their dumb one-liners, and pickup moves, I'll never run out of prey!
(throws acid)
Get the car! Get in the car!
Alright, kid, I got to admit something.
I'm no expert on women.
The truth is, I've been divorced once, and slapped more times than I can remember.
Confidence can buy you a lot, but at the end of the day, pickup artists tend to get our heads bitten off.
When it comes to women, I'm a failure.
Hey.
We're both failures.
You know, even if your dating tips were bad. I actually haven't thought about Wendy all day.
Plus, you did teach me to be more confident.
I guess, I just need to learn to use that power for good.
Hey, I found a pamphlet, I don't think you've read yet.
It's okay, Dipper! The open road makes people do crazy things.
Plus, after seeing you flee the spider like a baby.
I kind of lost the interest.
Yep! Yep!
I deserve that!
Still feel a little bad about wrecking those tourist traps.
Ah! Come on! Everyone loves my pranks. And the best part is, Never have to face any consequence!
Sweet lord!
Oh, come on!
(hits the lamp)
That's what you get! That's what you get!
I don't understand.
I completely don't deserve this!
Oh, man, are we gonna have to help clean this thing up?
Nah, I'm sure Soos will take care of it.
Where is Soos, anyway?
