-Hi, everybody.
Thank you so much
for tuning in
to "The Tonight Show."
I really appreciate it.
What a show we have
tonight, honey --
all the people here tonight --
Pierce Brosnan,
Nicole Richie.
We have Will Ferrell.
We have Kristen Wiig.
-Yeah.
-Oh, yeah.
We have Blackpink
on the show tonight.
The biggest -- that's like
the biggest pop group
in the world right now.
It's amazing.
Amazing, fun show.
A lot to get into.
Let's get to some jokes.
Well, guys, the coronavirus
is still spreading
across the country,
and it feels like
we're actually going
backwards.
Yeah, things are so bad,
the White House decided
to get the band back together.
-For the first time
in two months,
the White House
Coronavirus Task Force
held a briefing
in Washington this afternoon.
-Yeah, you can tell it's been
a long, stressful two months
because Dr. Fauci
opened the briefing
by lighting up
a Marlboro Red 100.
[ Inhales ]
"Questions?"
That's right, they finally
got together.
I had no idea,
but Trump actually
assembles the task force
by blowing into
an empty jug of bleach.
[ Imitates horn blowing ]
Task force?
Yeah, Mike Pence talked about
what's being done
to control the virus,
then immediately after,
Trump gave the rebuttal.
"We're not doing any of that."
"No, this is not a debate.
There's no rebuttal.
Sorry, guys.
Everyone go home.
Just turn his mic off."
It was an interesting briefing.
Pence kicked it off
with a moment of silence
for all the approval rating
points Trump's lost
in the past three months.
Can we see the Coronavirus
Task Force from earlier today?
They look like the world's
saddest barbershop quartet.
Everyone in the photo is
wearing a mask except Pence.
He's just reminding you that
he's the bad boy of the group.
Look, the Trump administration
has failed to control
the pandemic, but hopefully
now they're waking up
and doing the right thing.
Let's see what they've been
working on.
-The Trump administration
formally asking
the Supreme Court to overturn
the Affordable Care Act.
Now, if successful, this could
leave up to 23 million Americans
without coverage.
-Even the coronavirus
is like, "That ain't right.
I mean, look, I've been
with you guys.
I'm giving you --
but that's just...
It's cruel, it's insane."
They want to take away
health care
in the middle of a pandemic.
Even worse, they also want
to take away Netflix,
puzzles, and toilet paper.
Well, good luck with this
pandemic, everyone.
Meanwhile, yesterday
Joe Biden was asked
what he would do differently
regarding the pandemic
if he were president.
Here's what he had to say.
-The one thing we do know,
these masks make
a gigantic difference.
I would insist that
everybody on public
be wearing that mask.
Anyone to reopen would
have to make sure
that they walked into
a business
that had masks.
-Masks are for our safety.
Biden shouldn't have to say
any of that stuff.
It's like begging the public,
please wear oven mitts
when taking out a casserole
out of an oven.
Please, just like...
Well, guys, the 4th of July is
right around the corner
and it looks like Trump plans
on celebrating the holiday
with a fireworks spectacular
at Mount Rushmore.
It will be fun when Trump
gets to Mount Rushmore
and says,
"This is beautiful.
Now where do I put the quarters
so they sing?
All the presidents
on Mount Rushmore are excited
about the fireworks show --
well, except for Lincoln.
[ Popping ]
"What was that?
You're kidding me, right?"
Looks like Trump isn't
the only one traveling,
as Mike Pence kicked off his
Faith in America tour
with his own rally in Wisconsin
this week.
And judging by the commercial
I saw, I think he's really
trying to appeal
to younger voters.
Take a look at this.
-What's up, America?
You ready to cut loose and let
it all hang out this summer?
Well, that's perfect, because
Mike Pence is coming
to your town
on his Faith in America 2020
Summer Tour.
Get ready to be totally rocked
with wholesome low-key events
for the entire family.
We're talking an all you can
drink water station.
You will be so clear headed
and hydrated,
your parents will be
calling you for a ride home.
We got the hottest merch
to wear to church.
Wrinkle-free button-down shirt?
Hell, yeah!
I'll take one in white,
one in off-white,
and one in eggshell --
all the colors.
The first 100 attendees
will also get
official Mike Pence pants.
Bitch, pleats!
And then it's time to head
inside a tightly packed space
with no masks
for the main event,
a three-hour monotone speech
by the big dog himself.
[ Barks ]
It's the Faith in America
2020 Summer Tour.
Get your tickets today.
Yah!
[ Whip cracks ]
-Some business news.
I don't know about this.
I saw that Pizza Hut Taiwan
has a new ramen pizza.
Check it out.
That pretty much looks like
2020 on a plate.
When you order it, the person
on the phone just asks,
"Are you okay?"
Stoners are like, "I'm high,
but I'm not that high."
I don't know what
that thing is.
