[Channel Awesome Intro]
[Intro]
[Texting sound and Emojis] Fuck. This. Shit.
The Emoji Movie is one of the most famously despised films in recent years.
With a premise that's beyond desperate and gimmicky,
a trailer with FAR MORE dislikes than likes,
and a Rotten Tomatoes score of EIGHT FRIGGIN PERCENT,
This movie's hate levels have reached legendary status!
Now usually, I like whatever I review to have some sort of nostalgic tie-in
But with all the requests I've been getting to review this
I can't see the film not becoming a nostalgic landmark of heinousness
There's a lot to get to so let's get right to it
Insert your emoji icon brutally stabbing the emoji movie here does that emoji not exist yet?
It will let's take a look at currently one of the most hated films ever the emoji movie
It starts off with the Columbia logo having its picture taken and given an emoji. I immediately hate all life
We're told how everybody is always on their phones, but seeing how this is a Sony movie with Sony products
They don't portray this as a bad thing. "That's our user, Alex." You can call him Riley
It's not his name, but it's who he is
"Attention spans get shorter and shorter,"
"And you're probably not even listening to me right now who has the time to type out actual words"
I mean the writers clearly didn't type out actual words. I just assumed the entire script was this
You see the emojis are alive and live in a place called Textopolis
It's just a hint of how hard they're trying in this movie where we see our main character is named meh voiced by TJ Miller
Meh it turns out is super happy
But his job/personality assignment for life requires him to be unimpressed by anything
"We have business to attend to. What kind of business?"
"Monkey business"
I'll admit I got chuckle out of the emoticons being old and elderly, but don't worry
There's a whole bad movie of jokes to make up for it.
"Is that the time? Hey my eyes are up here pal"
I'm sorry. I was looking at your boobs
Clock I don't even follow that
So he goes to talk to his father played by dammit Steven Wright why haven't you fired your agent yet?
No really that's how he's billed now
"I'm not letting you go to work today. What? You're just not ready son"
His dad said Meh isn't ready to go on the phone and be a meh face and in keeping with the film's theme
The moment is immediately followed by crap
"Should we wash our hands?"
[Laughter]  "We're number 2! We're number 2!"
That's Patrick Stewart playing Shit and his character's name is Poop
"Just doing my duty"
Sweet Jesus Matt insists he's ready though and he visits the original emoji smiler played by dammit Maya Rudolph
Why haven't you also fired your agent? By the way if you're wondering?
No, that's not how she feels herself now, but it is a picture of this character hanging herself
She says you just wait for the user to pick you and then you get scanned into his
Conversation and that skin will get sent right up to Alex's tax buck. Yes naughty scammy twice last night
it was wonderful I
Kind of replied to Eddie's text
Right nothing nothing words aren't cool
That's like a film mocking a generations idiocy while also adding to that generations idiocy
Matt gets chosen though and panics giving a different face
What is that emoji just look around you it's called the audience's got to him reaction
Seeing how apparently this has never happened in history
I guess everything goes wrong and the scanner is destroyed in fact for a system and a
Civilization that doesn't need to exist they really should have more safety precautions
Effective phones have souls living in them does that mean that the machines
They use also have souls living in them do the gears inside that toaster also have little
Toasters inside the town called toe stop Alice is anyone who made this realizing
How stupid this all was yet, so they think mez a malfunction, which yeah?
Honestly sounds right as he talks to his friend poop, and we discover a whole new emotional realm that really evolves his character
Yeah, just getting to make sure jokes we all have accidents. You're so soft poop not too soft
I hope I did this role for my grandkids. Who are not getting Christmas presents this year
Smiler says the only thing to do is to delete them forcing antivirus BOTS to wipe them out
I
Know a lot of people compare this to inside out
But it doesn't help that smiler is
Literally joy except with different hair and complete lack of joy to quote John Lovitz from rat race. You should sue somebody
Man escapes though and comes across another unpopular emoji called high-five play by James Corden who thinks he's being hunted, too
He'll never find us down here welcome to the loser lounge where the emojis you never get used
Hangouts I guess that can be funny
But you're missing the really unpopular ones like pregnant wife drinking emoji Ghostbuster reboot emoji and breadstick emojis
dick sauce needs bread stick emojis
Just find the hacker and get reprogrammed
High-five tells them to find a hacker in the piracy app to get reprogrammed so that everything will go back to normal
But all I need is the hacker today's your lucky day. Let's roll the high-five also realizes
He can do that to become popular again kind of weird
He didn't originally think of that for himself
But they had to write this fast to start another Sony Cinematic Universe give him some credit
There was little toilet paper to write this on
They walk outside a text appleís and enter the wallpaper in the phone again could be a clever idea
But it just feels like more commercials for products and apps on Sony phones. We chats candy
It's especially tragic because that's a real good commentary on social media in this conversation
How does he know so many people none of these people know him?
But they like him yet, rather just have a real friend a real friend
How's that gonna get you anywhere what you need are fans, but again?
It's kind of lost when you're in the film called the emoji movie
It's like slipping in fascism is bad and triumph of the will something's gonna get lost
They make it to the piracy app which is disguised as a dictionary app using a different skin
What could a teenage boy possibly want to hide from his parents?
What's this film rated again
It could have been worse job
Roaming through the drunken VeggieTales they come across a hacker named jailbreak played by dama Anna Faris why haven't you?
Oh god damn forget it and yes that is how she's built
Fanta favorite spots come in though and jailbreak agrees to help Matt after she sees he can make many different emoji faces they land in
Candy crush because shit. We're not enough like other Disney animated films. Are we the game obviously thinks you're candy. What do we do?
Very still it's more likely the users mom downloaded it. So it probably won't be played for a while
After a mere 20-minute absence. We finally see not Riley again as he tries to hit on the girl
He likes but candy crunch keeps making sounds so he calls customer service to get the phone fixed
I'd like to make an appointment this phone is playing games with me, and yeah
That's all the insight we need on him for a while. It's amazing how much I know about this kid compared to inside out like
the boy
They finally get him out of candy crush, and they realize they have to get to the cloud to reprogram him after this
Strong feminist statement, you know women are always coming up with stuff that men are taking credit for you know what?
Disgust
And as parents go looking for him while also being followed by the bots so they distract them in the YouTube app
What do you do No yeah be an average hour okay? These jokes are over five years old place your bets cat video or
Why even make another guess you know that's it?
Hey, what's this YouTube kids video with Elsa the Joker and spider-man oh?
That's gonna change the film's rating
The bot spot our heroes trying to get to the cloud through Dropbox by going through the Just Dance app not entirely sure how that
path works on my phone either as it looks like they have to dance or
Death what does she mean by out digital death Just Dance got a lot darker in recent years, but jailbreak can't dance
So Matt shows her how oh?
He knows how to dance clearly this is a relationship material
Why does a hand have a butt why is that my biggest question, but more importantly why does a hand have a butt?
I do never call this Q&A portion of the game the emoji
I'd rather do the Macarena with the Mario than the emoji pop
Well on fire
But jailbreak reveals. She's really a princess emoji the one said to have gotten off the phone although
She clearly didn't you're the princess emoji you
Never got off the phone now. We don't know that maybe she's just one of the minions playing dress-up everything else from this
Movie is stolen
Well, it's been about 12 minutes. Yes, we can check in on that Reilly again God. He plays such a big part
He deletes the dance app because it's making noise resulting in hi-5 getting trashed Mae wants to go save him leading to yeah
Good line. I'm just gonna leave him to get deleted. You gotta look out for number one well
What good is it to be number one? If there are any other numbers?
Don't try to be an actual movie now that boat sailed with a monkey business joke
So they go through Spotify where they sail along the sound waves and jailbreak discusses why she wants to get to the cloud
Did you realize it on the first emoji said a woman can either be a princess or a bride?
That's why I need to get to the cloud where you can be whoever you want to be
Okay, first
It looks like there's a lot of female emojis there so clearly has changed second didn't they say that
Smiler was the original emoji does she not count in those two choices third princess is really not a personality
This is very different from this, but whatever maybe she just doesn't like the idea of emojis
Whatever the reason is she wants to go to the cloud so they go into the trash to save high-five leaving all the other trash
Characters to die a slow and horrible death normally I'd be upset that with a movie, but honestly
I'm more frustrated with how many characters don't die
in a particularly odd scene
and that's saying a lot for this film mess parents look through not Riley's pictures with his folks and they have I guess a
Tender moment I say I guess because I honestly have no idea. This is supposed to be heartwarming or funny right now
I'm so overwhelmed with passionate feelings for you
Burns with the intensity of a red-hot flame we'll always have Paris marrying
So they make it to the drop box and ride their way to the fire wall they try different
Passwords they think not Riley would have using meds different expressions
But they all fail we've tried all the important things in Alex's life his favorite pet
Sport is a favorite grandma. If only this movie gave him a personality like finding out that he has a favorite grandma
That's the most I know about him
But high five so an email in the trash to a girl he liked but never talks to and I guess it turns out
That's the password I
Guess that's romantic you having the password be a person you never talk to
If you're a stalker
Hey, it's a creepy ass clock already
they make it to the cloud though and men miss he wants to stay with jailbreak she turns him down though because
Movies, I like you just the way you are, but I had a plan. I'm not just some princess gene
waiting for my prince
Doll that old excuse if I have a plan and we suck at writing emotional conflict timeless tale
Now leaves but gets captured by one of the bots and jailbreak decides to go back and save him. Let's go get him
I suddenly want to write in all caps and hate everything
Mess brought back to be deleted, but his parents come in to speak up for him. I am the same malfunction gene does
And it doesn't affect my voice because you know I got a schtick
jailbreaking high-five crashing
But it looks like it's too late as the users deleting the phone to fix it however the girl
He likes is there, and it looks like
How do I even explain this they can always send an emoji to her and since mez the only one that can do a bunch?
of different emojis
It's decided he should go because you know sometimes a Sony phone and an emoji can get you the love of your life
Yep, that's what we're doing. That's that's what a super cool. Emoji a lot of feelings in one I got it I
Like that you're one of those guys who can actually express his feelings you know through the most unemotional laziest way possible
He pushed a button
Do that
he stops the phone from being deleted because
She found love and all of techstop, Alyssa's putback high-five is so emotional. He does even match his voice to his lip movements
So there was really a jackass who said we should ADR him more dialogue
They have a big dance party because I think it's law now every animated film should end with one and the emojis are used once
Again to replace all human emotion a fair analysis for this goddamn. Movie as a whole
And that is one of the most hated films to come out of recent years and believe it or not I might have an unpopular
opinion
Oh I still hated it, but I think it's just run-of-the-mill bad
I've seen much much much much
Much worse in all my years
Reviewing this film does have a touch of creativity at least two inventive lines and enough of a visual eye to be colorful and somewhat
Imaginative, I've seen films that have none of those qualities
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't understand why it has pissed people off so much the corporate
Advertising is not at all hidden
Which wouldn't be too bad if they could utilize it in a clever way like the lego movie did work it into the?
Storytelling like why couldn't we find out more about the kid through the phone?
Maybe looking through his history of pictures and text
we could see his flaws and maybe the flaw is time - the problems the emojis are going through but if we did that we
Wouldn't have our bullshit resolution
We're a Sony product saves the day it is bad, and it's important to remember why it's bad
So other films trying to do commercial tie-ins because let's be honest there's gonna be plenty of those in the future
Can at least work it into their story better, so yeah? I can't even say it's one of the worst films
I've ever seen take that for what it's worth. I guess as an advertising tie-in
It is uniquely bad
But as a bad movie among a sea of bad movies all I can give it is an honest and simple meh
I'm the nostalgia critic, and I deserve to be challenged by a more creatively bad movie
scooby-dooby-doo
There's a third one?
Words are cool
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