[Chip:] This is a Bird Town Special Report!
With Chip Chirply
I'm Chip Chirply.
That's me.
Yet another home has fallen from it's tree, killing three birds inside.
This is the 7th home to fall in the past month, and all eyes are on construction workers.
Out in the field with some bird house builder birds is Alan Talonson!
Thanks, Chip!
Do you feel responsible for the structure of these houses collapsing?
We ain't done nothin' but our jobs!
I swear it's those floozy mothas with like 20 kids,
just weighing the whole things down.
[CRASH]
Slutty birds! Riveting stuff, Alan.
Could we get a word with a slutty bird?
I have a slutty bird right here, Chip!
Tell me, slut...
Do you think shear weight of eggs could be causing the falling house crisis for slut birds like yourself?
[CRASH]
Sounds like a hot debate, Alan! Let's get these two on the line and try to make sense of their arguments.
[Aggressive, over-layed arguing]
[LOUD CAW-ING]
Well I'm glad we worked that out. [Clear throat]
Back to you, Alan! What have you got for us?
Thanks, Chip. Here I have a local seed shop owner. Ma'am, what do you think about the crisis?
All we really need are more support beams and stronger rope hooks.
We could petition the mayor to give the builder birds extra funding and they'll fix our little town right up!
The mayor's a lovely man, so I'm sure he'd hear us out!
Yeah-huh.
And how about you, old senile bird?
F*** THE MAYOR!
Riveting stuff, Alan. People really hate the mayor right now!
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Incredible!
The mayor is now holding a public conference to address the crisis.
[Nervous] Mm.
Mmm...
What if we just lived on the ground?
[EVERYONE BOOING]
Absolutely disgraceful. What do the birds out there think, Alan?
Well, let's find someone.
Uh, hey! You over there,
Cutting the support beams under that house! What do you think about the mayor's comments?
[Distant] The what?!
I don't think he's heard the comments yet. Sorry about that, Chip.
It's all good, Alan. Really riveting stuff.
But that's all the time we have for this segment. Care to lead into the next bit, Alan?
Well, up next, we have a real RIVETING-
DON'T use that word, Alan!
That's MY word.
Up next on Bird Town News,
Foreshadowing! What is it, and does it ruin punchlines?
[CRASH]
Piemations Yeah!
