• From humming birds stealing homework to
cats putting food in bowling ball bags, the
Planet Dolan crew re-enact some of the best
true stories from our subreddit about the
dumbest excuses we’ve ever heard.
I’m Nixxiom and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by Silver0298MSP Robo
The dumbest excuse Robo ever heard came from
her friend.
It was when Robo turned 11, and she wanted
to have a party and invite all of her friends.
She especially wanted to make sure to invite
her two best friends.
However, one of them texted Robo, saying,
“Sorry, I, uh, have to wash my goldfish.
Sorry, girl.”
Even worse, that was the only time Robo was
allowed to invite any of her friends over.
She nearly cried, and to this day rarely talks
to that alleged “friend.”
Number 9 was submitted by Emziz34 Gooby
When she was in 5th grade, Gooby had a guy
in her class who was known to make up the
dumbest excuses as to why he didn’t have
his homework.
One time, he said that four humming birds
had stolen his homework, even though humming
birds didn’t live in Gooby’s area.
Gooby’s excuses, on the other hand, were
logical.
One time, she said that her mom took her two
hours away to a ball game when she got home
from school, and they didn’t get home until
after midnight.
All of Gooby’s excuses – including that
one – never worked.
However, that guy in her class never got in
trouble!
Number 8 was submitted by Rapid_Thrash Hellbent
One of Hellbent’s co-workers at a scrap
metal business once came in over two hours
late.
He said that he forgot how to change a tire
after running over a broken bottle.
Hellbent asked, “Then why didn’t you just
call a tow truck?”
His co-worker answered, “My phone was dead.”
At that moment, his cell phone rang.
“Really?” said Hellbent.
That was when the co-worker told him to fuck
off and be glad that he even showed up.
Hellbent looked at his car in the parking
lot outside the warehouse.
None of the tires looked new or recently replaced.
His co-worker ended up getting fired a few
months later for coming to work drunk.
Number 7 was submitted by Eeyor_Lover12 Andiemations
The dumbest excuse Andie ever heard was when
she was helping her little sister learn how
to bake.
She gave her some recipes to try, and then
when she was done Andie would taste test the
dish and grade it.
The next day, when her little sister had to
bring the food she baked, Andie asked, “Where
is your homework?”
Her little sister said, “While I was coming
here, a savage monkey riding a fox with an
army of cats surrounding it told me to hand
over the pie.
I told him it was my homework, but he snatched
it out of my hands and screamed, ‘I’m
the monkey king!’ before stuffing it in
his mout h and riding off.”
She then gave Andie an awkward smile.
Andie bent over and whispered, “You live
here.”
Her little sister froze, looked to her left,
and then ran away.
Number 6 was submitted by LyricalTragedy Honeybits
When Honeybits was 8 and her sister was 4,
they played in a youth bowling league, so
they had their own bowling balls and bags.
They also weren’t allowed to have food up
in their rooms.
One evening, her cunning little sister decided
that she wanted to eat upstairs but would
have to sneak it up.
She put a bowl of spaghetti in her bowling
ball bag and tried to sneak it upstairs when
her dad caught her.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
She replied, “I just wanted to look at my
bowling ball bag upstairs.”
Their dad was obviously not convinced, and
he instructed her to open her bowling ball
bag.
At first, she hesitated, then argued for a
bit before finally opening it.
When he asked her why she put spaghetti in
her bag, she answered, “I didn’t put it
in there!
The cat did.”
Now that Honeybits’ sister is 16, their
dad still likes to tease her about it.
Number 5 was submitted by twahvisor123 MKyleM
When he was in 10th grade, MKyleM’s school
was having a student council meeting, and
one of the teachers was late.
When she finally arrived, MKyleM asked, “Why
were you late?”
The teacher replied, “Narnia was calling.”
He responded, “What?”
She said, “Truth be told, it was Professor
Snape.”
“Are you on drugs?”
MKyleM asked.
She said in a drunk, doozy voice, “Well,
I might have been off my meds.”
She continued, “Of course not!
Don’t you kids have an imagination?
You should get detention for thinking that!”
MKyleM asked again, “Why were you late?”
The teacher said, “Okay, geez.
I got an STD and had a doctor’s appointment.”
He whispered to his friend, Grgak, “I wonder
who with.”
The teacher heard him and said, “With Professor
Craigen.”
Everyone just sat there, staring at her in
bewilderment at what she had just told them.
That was when she broke down crying, screaming,
“I’m so sorry, God and Jesus!
I’m such a whore!
Please forgive me and my lying ways!
Help me find the eyes of God again!”
While she continued to cry her eyes out and
wail, everyone sat there and looked at each
other.
Then MKyleM sat with her and said, “It’s
okay.”
After that, he could never look his teacher
in the eye again.
Number 4 was submitted by Shift_Wilde Ramona
At Ramona’s school, there a boy in her class
who always gave the dumbest excuses.
It was mostly why he didn’t do his homework,
such as, “I have so many chores at home,”
or, “I was doing work for other classes,”
or simply, “I forgot.”
The dumbest excuse was when he was absent
for the entire day, but came to school during
the final period.
Ramona and the rest of the class just stared
at him, wondering why he even bothered.
The boy said, “Sorry I’m late.
I overslept and thought it was Saturday.
Also, I had to walk here and only ate toast
for breakfast.”
The teacher, who wasn’t buying it, just
stared at him in disbelief.
She replied with, “Oh, so that wasn’t
you across the street at Subway, talking to
your friends while eating foot longs?”
Everyone giggled as he screamed, “It was
my twin!”
The teacher was done with him, and told him
to go home.
After that, he didn’t talk to anyone.
Number 3 was submitted by WolvesRMyLife Ladybot
When Ladybot was in 7th grade, she had history
with her friend, Melissa, where they worked
on a project.
Their project was a poster that required a
LOT of tape.
All the tape dispensers in the classroom were
empty, so Melissa went to the teacher and
asked if she could use his tape.
He said she could, but had to return it when
she was done.
While Ladybot and Melissa continued to work
on their project, another group asked if they
could use the tape.
Ladybot said they could, and soon more groups
began to use the tape.
It got to the point where almost everyone
in class was using the teacher’s tape.
At one point, the little holder for the tape
disappeared, so Melissa told the teacher.
The teacher ended up getting angry, and asked
her how it got lost.
She tried to think of an excuse, then said,
“It somehow got inside a water bottle that
someone threw away.”
Furious, the teacher ran over and grabbed
the tape dispenser.
He threw it in the trash, denting the wall
in the process.
Number 2 was submitted by SquiggyB0i Danger
Dolan
In school, Dolan and his group were working
on a project.
Almost everyone in the group worked very hard
except for one person who decided to talk
to other classmates.
Since his phone wasn’t working, Dolan asked
the guy, “Could you send an e-mail with
your Gmail account?”
The guy said, “I don’t have a Gmail account.
I only have a Google mail account.”
Everyone in Dolan’s group laughed their
heads off, with the guy staring at them in
confusion.
Number 1 – What was the dumbest excuse I’ve
ever heard?
