Hello!
Hai, Welcome back to my course on Enhancing
Soft Skills and Personality.
This is the eighth and the last week of the
course, is the first unit of the eighth week
and totally this is lesson number 36.
We just have four more lessons to go to complete
this course.
Now, this is the concluding week, so and I
thought it is appropriate to introduce Ethics
and Etiquette, which are quite relevant to
you in terms of your social role as a responsible
human being in this society.
So, so far when we talked about soft skills
and enhancing your personality, I generally
talked in terms of your individual self.
So, now let us look at the collective responsibility,
how people assess you in terms of your role
in this society, in this universe, okay.
So, this the general thing I have in mind.
But I want to start with giving you something
in terms of values.
So that is why I started with this Ethics
and Etiquette.
Now we understood in the last lesson, just
to take a quick highlights.
We understood that, love is a kind of point
of self-realization, where an individual realizes
one’s capacity to be selfless, egoless and
love someone more than oneself.
Love as a positive force can change a person
with fixed mindset to growth mindset, it is
constructive in facilitating individual growth.
So, and then in the last lesson, we just went
to analyze the essential characteristics of
love, so we identified that love never fails
people, it’s the people who rather fail
love owing to miscommunication or poor communication
or soft skills.
So, for any emotional transaction, one has
to choose the best psychological moment.
This has been discussed in detail in the lessons
on communication.
However, it is just to recall to you that
you have to choose the best psychological
moment and despite many positive qualities
in a person, one can face rejection due to
wrong timing.
So, it is important to take note of open body
gestures such as, like, very open eye contact,
direct eye contact, open forum gestures, a
very genuine warm smile and then mirroring
gestures, putting the feet in front, slightly
leaned posture.
So, these are all indicating that the operant
the person who is sitting in front of you
is actually sort of interested in you, so
taking cues from body language and then making
use of the right time so will help one to
even make any emotional negotiation successfully.
Now, besides allowing a relationship to grow
and mature on its own makes any overt confirmations
of love redundant.
So, what do I mean by this?
Like, if you are able to let a relationship
grow on its own and then there is no need
to make proclamations of love or declare love
and all that.
Mature relationships undergo various phases
from the first stage of meeting a stranger
than developing friendship to reaching conflicts,
misunderstandings, resolving conflicts misunderstandings
and then building a high level of trust beyond
any temporary conflict, developing deep friendship,
giving breathing space to each other, facilitating
individual growth working better as a team
and once you reach this level where you start
working better as a team and then once you
feel that you can be independent as well as
interdependent and certain normal ways of
expressing love in those words so they become
redundant and it becomes more in terms of
deed and not in terms of words.
However, I also gave some suggestions, tips
for overcoming rejection if any.
So, during any rejection, instead of blaming
others, by introspecting and identifying one’s
own limitations and by letting oneself overcome
those limitations, one prepares oneself for
a better relationship in future.
So, I quoted a lot of interesting proverbs
and dictums.
One is, the best is yet to be, so you are
deprived of something because, you are supposed
to wait for the best by better preparing yourself
and then the famous quote from the Dalai Lama
that, not getting what you want sometimes
happens to be a wonderful stroke of luck although
at that point you think that it is something
that you really missed.
And then you regret over it but in the long
run you realize that was for the better and
then you got something much better than you
would so much you wanted to have it at that
point of time okay.
So, bouncing back with renewed energy, even
if you are rejected, laughing more, loving
better and leaving a wonderful life is the
best way to deal with rejection.
And then I concluded by talking about how
you should separate any kind of emotional
entanglements in business area, that is, when
you are a professional you have to be professional,
so that is what is expected in terms of your
soft skills and personality.
So, there you cannot do something out of vested
interest because your love interest is sitting
there, or your wife is sitting there or somebody
whom you are interested is sitting there so
you want to manipulate things so these are
unbecoming of you in terms of your highly
integrated personality.
So why professionals keep their love-interests
out of work-environment and focus on work
at hand first, and then, give full time for
love outside the business area.
So they never mix business with love, they
learn how to separate that and then to the
doubt that okay, love never waits and then
love keeps checking, the girl keeps checking
whether I am in the office and all that so
that based on the definitions that we have
been discussing about love would not be considered
real love.
Real love is patient, it will wait, it will
understand, it will know that you are using
your work to progress and grow in your life
and which will help both of you as a team
and then the basic definition that I said
that anything that tries to destroy you cannot
be considered genuine love, anything that
is constructing you, creating you, making
a better you is the best way of understanding
real love.
So with that, we ended up our discussion on
love and managing love.
Now, in this unit so let us look at ethics
and etiquette and we start with why it is
important if you remember your childhood days.
You must have heard of this old proverb that
goes like this: “When wealth is lost, nothing
is lost; when health is lost, something is
lost; When character is lost, everything is
lost!”
So we read about money, the importance of
money but we also understood that money is
not everything and we also understood at the
end of it that there are so many things in
life which you cannot buy just by giving money
and sometimes even the wealthiest people die
of profound grief because they didn’t accumulate
things beyond money, okay.
So, when wealth is lost, nothing is lost,
because you can always rebuild, you can always
get back the wealth that is lost, provided
you have that determination and will, but
when health is lost, something is lost because
you cannot recover.
So, in real sense, we actually grow and then
decline, so if you use some of your vital
energy, okay, exhaust it and then you become
ill, so sometimes it is very difficult to
go back to the healthy state.
So, you lose something, something is lost.
But, when character is lost, everything is
lost.
So, character speaks for your personality,
whatever soft skills that you might have developed
and if you lose your character then whatever
you might have built interms of your empire,
built in wealth, okay so everything will be
lost.
Character is something that gives one the
real personality, and which is a combination
of values, ethics, and etiquette.
Now, values are principles or standards of
behaviour, so these are the guiding principles,
values are setting the standard and how do
you know they are often manifested in one’s
judgment of what is important in life and
the way one deals with people and how one
prioritises commitments and responsibilities
so for example somebody who values family
so much, may slightly become negligent about
work, okay.
So, what is somebody valuing so much is often
shown in the way when it is trying to prioritise
and the judgment one is making as what is
important in one’s life.
There is another interesting definition from
business dictionary.com so it goes like this:
Important and lasting beliefs, so important
and lasting beliefs or ideals shared by the
members of a culture about what is good or
bad undesirable or undesirable.
Values have major influence on a person’s
behavior and attitude and service as broad
guidelines in all situations.”
So, the way one actually behaves, the way
one actually performs oneself in public places
so one’s basic ethics and etiquette, mannerisms,
personality so they are all depending on the
values the person has imbibed, nurtured, developed
from childhood itself.
Let us look at more definitions.
For instance, people with good business values
uphold fairness and they respect customers,
they will never cheat customers because they
will uphold fairness, as a very principle
virtue.
So, even if a customer gives more money, they
will return the money.
Even if a customer loses something or customer
is at a disadvantage they will compensate,
they will respect the customers, they will
value the customers.
But those who do not have good business values
so they will indulge in lot of hook and crook
methods to cheat the customers, manipulate
the customers and their only aim is to make
money.
It is not to maintain the customers.
So, as I said, a person who values family
may sometimes become negligent of duty, so
he spends more time at home more time for
children and then he doesn’t care about
his boss even if he shouts at him, okay and
he it doesn’t affect him at all because
he feels I play with my children and that
is more important.
So, here you may ask is it not right to do
that?
so this is where you need to know more about
the moral values or ethics.
It is nice that you value something more than
something else.
But it is your ethics that will tell you at
what level, how you should manage and then
you should know whether giving excessive value
to something is right or wrong.
So that is why you need to know the moral
values or ethics and understand the manner
that is etiquette in which one should conduct
oneself at individual and social levels.
So, etiquette or norms or rules governing
socially acceptable behavior.
So, if a boy is staring at a girl in a public
place, so immediately somebody even next to
the girl may go and shout at the boy and say
that why are you staring at her?
So, this is like public norm, okay, it’s
a governing social norm, it says that you
cannot, you have no right to stare at her
like that.
This is a simple one I am giving, we look
at more examples later.
And similarly, ethics or moral principles
that govern a person’s behaviour or the
conducting of an activity: Why you are behaving,
why you are deciding, why you are judging
on something than something else.
And why this appears to be good and that is
bad so that will indicate your moral principles
or ethics.
Ethics indicates one’s beliefs and ideas
of what is right and wrong.
So, a person who is highly ethical you can
never expect to go wrong or make wrong decisions.
Business Dictionary offers a comprehensive
definition of ethics, let us look at that:
It says: “The basic concepts and fundamental
principles of decent human conduct.
So, ethics is nothing but decent human conduct,
it includes steady of universal values, okay.
What is applicable, not only to one part of
the country, one place, but universal values
such as the essential quality of all men and
women human or natural rights such as human
rights, okay, natural rights obedience to
the law of land, concern for health and safety
and, increasingly, also for the natural environment.”
So, it is not only for you, but also for the
people around you, not only for the people
around you but also for their health and safety
and also for the environment that you are
living in.
So, this gives a very comprehensive definition
of ethics.
So, I’ll come to your role in terms of protecting
the natural environment in one of the later
lessons but at this moment it is important
to know that okay ethics does not mean only
something related to man and another man between
human beings but is also related to the environment
that is surrounding us.
You should also be familiar with the term
‘Professional ethics”.
So, one is expected to act, behave, judge,
function according to the professional ethics
that is demanded from the person.
So, in reference.com there is an interesting
definition of professional ethics, it says
that: The term that encompasses the organizational
and personal standards of behavior a professional
individual is expected to possess.
So, what does it mean?
It encompasses, it covers the organizational
and personal standards what the corporate,
the company, the organization is giving you
as well as your personal standards of behavior
with regard to a professional individual.
So, at home, you can be somebody but when
you are in office, how are you supposed to
behave, when you are a doctor, when you are
a lawyer, when you are a teacher, when you
are a banker so how are you supposed to behave?
So, we heard of cases like doctors not behaving
properly, bank managers not behaving properly.
If you look at all these things like what
people say that they are not behaving properly
is actually amounting to their violating some
of the norms of the professional ethics.
So, most organizations have their own internal
code of practice that defines the professional
ethics of a certain profession.
For example, if you are related to anything
to do with medical or law, so there are set
codes, there are internal codes, which clearly
says you have to do this, you cannot do certain
things, okay and then they are supposed to
follow this.
But having said this, I should also say that
in terms of professional ethics.
Although there are clear-cut operative norms
of professional ethic associated with various
occupations, it is difficult to do away with
the moral responsibilities which arise out
of individual values and social expectations
that is, there are clear-cut norms written.
A doctor is supposed to do this, a lawyer
is supposed to do this, a teacher is supposed
to do this and it is the way they have joined
duty there are manuals, books which tell them
how they should operate, but it’s very difficult
to separate the social expectations and the
moral responsibilities which arise out of
individual values.
So, for example, let us imagine situation,
a person goes to a grocery shop and then ask
for some loan for buying the products, okay.
He says that money is not there in the bank
and he has to wait till the salary comes and
the grocery shop owner says no, my policy
is not to give loan, I cannot give you loan.
So, people around there so they don’t say
anything, so they know that okay if he has
this policy of not lending so that is fine.
And then this person goes to somebody else
who may give it or not give it, but overall
when this grocery shop fellow is not giving,
people do not mind it that much.
But, imagine another situation.
This one small boy, you must have seen in
many movies coming and then doctor is standing
in the balcony and he is saying that mother
is dying and doctor should come home and see
her and then the doctor says that no, you
have to give me money, you will not be able
to give me this fees and all that.
Now, if the public sees this, the public gets
enraged, the public is sometimes even infuriated,
although the doctor is rightful in demanding
his fees, but the public expects some kind
of moral responsibility in this case and thinks
that no, the doctor cannot say no, because
it is more to do with human values and it
is at the time of saving a life he cannot
negotiate with this.
People will not think so the doctor has spent
so much money in reaching this level and then
he has to do his business and then get something.
But they will expect no, even if you don’t
get money you have to treat a case especially
in emergency and if it is a life or death
situation.
So, people will be willing to give contingency
to a business person, who is not giving money,
but for a doctor who expects money especially
at the time of life or death situation people
will be unmerciful.
So that situation you can see and same thing
with in terms of teaching profession.
So, suppose you say that in the school hours,
you have to ask doubts.
Now, suppose the student meets the teacher
outside the school hours, outside the school
premises and just sees the teacher on the
road and a doubt has been there in the mind
and tomorrow there is this exam, there is
no way to meet the teacher in the class tomorrow.
The student immediately asked the doubt.
And if the teacher snubs the student, says
that, who asked you to ask this doubt here?
So, you should have cleared it in the class
itself or go back to your book, read again
you will understand.
Now, these things again the public will not
tolerate.
So, there is a moral responsibility associated
with these jobs and whatever job that you
are there, there is this in-house norm which
you are supposed to follow, which tells you
what is professional ethics.
But at the same time, the society is expecting
that you should yield to the moral responsibilities
which are expected from you.
So together they make you a really integrated
person in terms of professional ethics.
Now, to continue with this thought on ethics,
etiquette and personality.
A person with high ethical values and good
etiquette will be able to create an everlasting
impression on the people he or she comes across.
The moment they see, they discuss, the interact,
they will know that oh! this person has very
high ethical values and they will have respect
for the person automatically.
Certain things like that are associated with
these people such as being friendly, helpful,
charming, dignified, decent, affectionate
and lovable are qualities one should possess
to build one’s personality.
Although some children develop these traits
from school itself, there is no age bar to
developing them.
So if you are at the age of 50, 60, watching
this video and you want to make a change there
is nothing that is preventing you to change
it and even if you are let us say 18, 20 who
is watching it, it is high time that you can
easily change and then you can behave in a
very highly ethical manner.
People often say that they behave in an unethical
manner because of the surroundings.
So, they will say that everybody around me
is corrupt, so why should I be honest?
So, all are unethical, so I will also be unethical.
See for a person with high ethical values,
this has no excuse, this cannot be used as
an excuse, so people will say when they will
go to Singapore they will say the country
is very neat and clean so they will not spit
on the road and they will say that spitting
will actually make them give huge amount of
fine so they will not do that but they will
not hesitate to do so in India.
Because in many places still fine is not strictly
imposed, okay.
So, they will say that they are taking it
seriously here they don’t take it seriously,
but we need to look at the fact that society
is actually made of individuals and the change
has to emanate from the individuals.
So, if individuals change, automatically society
will change and then normally people think
that oh! circumstance is making somebody behave
like that, surroundings are responsible for
the person to behave like that.
It is a wrong way of thinking.
Circumstance never makes a man, it reveals
a man.
So if you are in a garbage area and behaving
like garbage, it is showing what is inside
you and then even in that surroundings that
is full of garbage if you behave in a very
neat and tidy manner, it is not reflecting
the surrounding it is showing what is in you,
what is inside you and that is coming out.
So, if you have your thoughts pure, if you
have high ethics, if your etiquette and personal
behavior are really good, then nothing in
the surrounding will affect you.
Let us take some examples of poor etiquette.
And people who have low sense of ethics and
how do they behave.
Things like spitting on public wall, okay
they won’t do that at their own wall in
their houses, but they won’t mind doing
it on public walls, public places, near stare
case and then even there are designated spaces,
places for spitting they don’t do that.
Smoking in public places, so especially in
a country like India, it is said that the
passive smokers they get cancer as much as
the active smokers.
The passive smokers are the ones who just
stand, often the spouses of husbands, okay.
Friends of some smokers, and then workers
who are with boss, boss keeps smoking and
then sending the smoke before the people.
Now that actually affects and then smoking
in public places, one has no right to just
make everybody a passive smokers and give
them ill health just because of one’s bad
habit.
Causing disturbance when one is expected to
be silent, especially in theaters, so whether
especially in plays, dramas or some dance
performance.
One is expected to keep pin-drop silence,
suddenly mobile is not kept in silent mode
it rings or suddenly somebody talks to someone
and then biting nails before others, picking
nose or teeth in public, making noise while
eating or drinking especially before others,
especially while eating in group, talking
aloud on mobile phones in public places, okay,
in buses, in transport areas and then everybody
hears what you are talking and then you have
no right to disturb others.
Violating traffic norms, often overtaking
from left when you are supposed to overtake
from right.
Crossing without using the zebra-crossing,
just dotting across the road without even
using this zebra-crossing.
These are very bad habits, poor etiquette.
Occupying seats meant for women, ladies, elderly
people or other-abled people on public places
or transports and ironically not getting up
when these people come and sometimes even
refusing to get up or quarrelling with them,
saying that the person occupied the seat first
and won’t get up.
Speaking in regional language or languages
known only to 2, 3 people, when you are in
a big group, okay.
Let us say 10 people are there and then suddenly
you speak in a language which eight people
don’t understand.
So, that again indicates very poor etiquette.
Gossiping and spreading rumors, so it is poor
mannerism.
Making fun of others, disturbing someone who
is busy, so you have no right to disturb somebody
who is really busy or meeting someone without
seeking an appointment, just barging into
somebody’s room and then disturbing the
person and then just pouring out your problems
and then making the person just focus on your
work and then completely distracting the person
from his or her work.
Asking rude and probing question to known
people even to strangers while sitting next
to somebody, you keep asking where did you
buy this?
What is the price of this jacket?
Where did you buy that one?
Why are you eating this?
Why are you carrying this?
So these are all like very impolite and poor
behavior commenting/ criticizing without being
asked for.
So you can see good things about somebody
but then openly criticizing somebody’s behavior,
even when the person has not asked you to
criticize saying that or that bag looks awful
I will never carry that kind of bag, no obviously
you are not carrying it and the person who
is carrying is thinking that it is actually
good now why are you criticizing the other
person and what right you have to criticize
so.
You have no right.
And then in terms of parents, feeling proud
of misbehaving children in public.
Children are
behaving like monkeys in hotels, monkeys in
public places and then the parents feel so
proud, okay sometimes very important VIPs
sitting in the front rows, so these kids just
go and then sit on their lap and then and
these people give very suppressed, repressed
smile because they feel very embarrassed and
the parents feeling proud, oh! my children
have no fear talking to these people and all
that.
So not controlling unruly children in public
and letting them disturb is also coming under
poor mannerism.
Using foul language in public.
So, using four lettered word, abusing people
and then in terms of telephone, we already
discussed about telephone, e-mail, okay and
we talked about netiquette and all that.
You should go back to those lessons but generally
there are lot of things you need to improve
in terms of using phone.
The simple thing like calling first and asking
somebody who is speaking?
Okay, so you called so you should tell first,
I am so and so.
I want to talk to so and so or am I talking
to this person instead of you asking: tell
me who you are, so very rude and impolite.
Similarly, it is rude to be immersed in social
media WhatsApp, Facebook and completely your
face is buried in that social media on mobile.
While in party or sitting before others.
So, six people are sitting before you and
then expecting you to says something, but
your face is completely buried on the mobile,
you never look up to anyone and talk to them
and all the time you are busy with this one,
so that is really rude.
When you go for a party, when you have to
talk to people you have to talk, you have
to even switch off your mobile and keep it
in your pocket and taking pictures without
the knowledge using camera separate camera
or mobile or even without the permission of
others and posting those pictures without
others permission and in case of like Facebook
and other media tagging them without their
permission so that is also not good behavior.
Going late to meeting, to office, to school
and not feeling sorry or never apologizing
thinking that it is your right to go late.
So, these are again coming under poor etiquette
and last but not the least not saying thanks.
So even any small thing if somebody is doing
it to you, you should be able to show your
gratitude.
In terms of saying thanks, in terms of expressing
your appreciation if you don’t do that it
is also part of poor etiquette.
So keep these things in mind and try to improve
your etiquette, understand the professional
ethics that depending on your business you
try to emulate and then always have your moral
responsibility, realized and then perform,
conduct yourself in a very dignified and decent
manner that you are likeable, you are lovable
and everybody feels that you are the person
that they feel like having you either in a
personal or in a professional environment.
Let us take a quick look at an interesting
quote on true values.
From Ellen DeGeneres, he says: “Here are
the values that I stand for: honesty, equality,
kindness, compassion, treating people the
way you want to be treated and helping those
in need.
To me, those are traditional values.”
And mind you, usually what we call as traditional
values are old values or the ones today, we
revived in terms of professional ethics and
then we expect that people have these values
even when they are working in highly ultra
modern society and societies change, technologists
change people.
But then, still people with these kinds of
traditional values are highly respected and
they always are admired by people around.
So, with this lesson, I also want you to become
such people, whom everybody looks up to interms
of values, ethics, professional ethics and
good etiquette.
So, wish you all the best to become such a
personality and thank you so much for watching
this video.
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