FAMILY IS UNEASY WHEN ONE SISTER DATES OTHER'S
EX-LOVER DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Jane," and
I are both in our mid-50s.
Jane has had numerous affairs over the past
several years after her third divorce, and
was involved in an "intimate relationship"
with a terrific man, "Will," that lasted about
three months.
Jane broke up with Will several months after
she decided he wasn't what she was looking
for, and she's presently engaged to be married
to a very nice man ("Sam") and seems very
happy.
I dated Will several times before he and Jane
became involved.
We weren't intimate at that time, and we start-
ed seeing each other again over the last month.
This time we have fallen in love.
My problem is Jane is upset that Will and
I are together and says I have "betrayed"
her.
She is worried about having her former and
current lovers present at family gatherings,
and our parents are also concerned.
They say it's "just weird."
The fact that my sister was intimate with
Will doesn't bother me or Will, but it sure
bothers them.
Abby, I have always been the "good girl" in
the family and bowed to their pressure, but
my relationship with Will is more than I could
have ever imagined, and I don't want to give
up my future happiness just to make my sister
and my parents more comfortable.
My adult children have all met and approve
of Will and our relation- ship, but Jane and
my parents won't budge.
Any suggestions?
-- WANTS WILL IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.
DEAR WANTS WILL: Perhaps it's time to stop
being the "good girl," begin acting like a
woman who knows what she wants, and confront
the double standard in your family.
If your sister was "sophisticated" enough
to have serial affairs, and your parents have
been so worldly they have turned a blind eye
to it, then they should all be adult enough
to realize that you are entitled to your happiness,
too.
Although this may make for some awkward first
few family gatherings, as grown-ups, everyone
should be able to get past it.
But if they can't, you are going to have to
decide whether you want this man, or to be
a people- pleaser for the rest of your life.
