 
Mobster's Girl

By

Amy Rachiele

Copyright © 2012 Amy Rachiele

Editing by

Deanna Riccitelli, Summer Marston, Kimberly Korioth, Christine LePorte

Cover Art by: Pamela Bergantino

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental.

To my dad

Chapter 1

Medigan (meh-di-ghan): a seriously non-Italian person.

Megan

"Megan!" I hear my mother call with her slight Irish lilt. My mother and father wanted to fit in when we came to New Jersey after Gram died, so they tried their hardest to lose their accents. Clearly, they didn't try hard enough.

I'm not really sure why we had to move to America, but leaving my beautiful Irish cottage behind was hard. Erin was two and I was five when we moved here. Unlike our parents, Erin and I have authentic semi-Jersey accents. That would have helped us fit in to this all Italian neighborhood except for our flaming red hair and milk pale skin. We stick out like firecrackers exploding on a hot July night.

"Megan! I'm not calling you again!" my mother yells.

"Coming!"

I jump down the stairs two at a time and scamper past my sister, who sits on the couch watching TV in the living room.

"Mom wants you," Erin tells me, never taking her eyes off the screen.

"Yeah, thanks, I heard," I quip sarcastically. As I cross the room, I brush my hand across the strings of my harp that sits patiently waiting for me day after day. The only time I feel complete and content is when I'm seated securely behind it.

In the kitchen, my mother is standing by the sink peeling potatoes. It's almost too cliché. I catch myself before I can let out a giggle.

"I need you to go to the store for more potatoes and eggs. The O'Connells are coming for dinner tonight, and I don't have enough for all of us."

"Okay."

The O'Connells are another Irish family that we spend time with. My mother met Mrs. O'Connell at a church meeting. They don't live in our neighborhood. They live a town over. They have two sons: Connor is Erin's age, fourteen, and Troy is a year older than me, eighteen. He graduated last year. Me? One more year, thank God. Knowing school is almost over is enough to keep me going. Notre Dame, here I come. I received an early acceptance.

I grab Erin's old red wagon that she used to cart dolls around in when she was younger. I always take it to the store when I go for my mom. I know it's stupid to drag around a kid's play cart, but I really don't want to carry the groceries four blocks.

We only have one car—an ancient minivan—and it's my dad's. I've been trying to convince him to get a second car, but he keeps saying no. My mother doesn't drive, and I'll be headed to college soon. He says it's not necessary.

I pull the old wagon out of the tiny garage and onto the city sidewalk. There's no grassy buffer between our house and the cement walkway. It's just our house, sidewalk, busy street. There's no breathing room. Not like Ireland. When I was young, my mother and I used to walk half a mile just to reach a road. I remember being small and holding her hand as we strolled through lush green groves. Then we came here to cement, exhaust fumes, and a culture we'll never fit into.

Block one down. I pass the pastry shops making tiramisu and cannolis. Then the bakeries making breads, pizza, and rolls. It's a hot August day. All this stuff would smell great if it wasn't for the smog and bus exhaust. The wheels of the wagon rumble along the lines of cracked cement.

The thumping of a heavy base line echoes thickly through the air as a shiny black Cadillac with darkly tinted windows bowls up the street. The car slows down and crawls along next to me. My heart races nervously, and I start walking faster.

A tinted window slides down to reveal a guy I recognize from school. He has a dark complexion like most people around here. He's handsome, in a mischievous way. I can't remember his name, though. Quedo, Zito, Lito....

"Hey, Red..." He grins, looking me up and down. I cringe inwardly. "Looking mighty fine pulling your little red wagon. How about I let you pull on something else? I got what you need right in this car."

There must be more people in the car because I can hear them snickering. I ignore him and keep walking.

"What's the matter, baby?" he croons, his voice suggestive. "Come on, I'll give you a ride." His words are laced with double meanings.

"Leave her alone, Vito!" a female voice calls from the backseat. "Andiamo!"

Vito laughs wickedly and hits the gas. They spin away, and I make it to block three. Sweat is gathering on my forehead from the August heat and the run-in with the senior hoodlums.

The grocery store is packed as usual. A lot of Italians in the neighborhood like to get their groceries fresh almost every day.

Concetta, the cashier, totals my food. "That'll be nine fifty, Megan." I hand her ten dollars. "You getting ready for school to start?" she asks, bagging my food. She always has a pleasant smile.

"Yes, thanks." I hook my hands through the handles of the bags and head outside. Waiting patiently is the little red wagon. I'm always surprised that it's still there when I come out of the store. I'm sure one of these days someone is going to pilfer the rusty thing or throw it in the Dumpster because they think it's trash.

I sip on the ice cold cola I bought at the register. It feels good on my dry throat. I flip the handle of the wagon into my hand and start back up the street. Block four down.

Block three coming up. I always count down the blocks like this. It makes the uncomfortable, lonely walk tolerable. Bakeries at block two. They're in my sight—just a few more buildings to go. Lost in my thoughts, I don't notice until I am steps from him. Oh no! I feel my chest tighten as I raise my head. No, no, no...shit, shit, shit. Antonio Delisi, Jr.

Shit!

If you are going to avoid anyone in this town, avoid Antonio Delisi, Jr., the mob boss's son. I've managed to basically stay clear of him and his friends over the many years we've lived here. These moments don't happen often, but when they do, they're frightening. My mom says he's got the devil living in him. She may be right—seeing him right now, he looks nothing like an angel.

I'm just going to keep walking. Maybe he'll ignore me. My hand tightens on the wagon handle, slipping with sweat. I drop my soda bottle to my side, my steps planted with determination.

Antonio confidently pushes off from the cherry red Camaro he's leaning against and flicks the butt of the cigarette he was smoking into the street. He steps right in front of me, glaring down at me, blocking my path. Shit!

I look down to the ground, face heating. He makes my heart race. Despite his devilish nature, he's the most beautiful "devil" I've ever seen. I try to step around him. He blocks me. I timidly glance up into his face. He stands a foot taller than me. Our eyes lock, and an unidentifiable emotion passes quickly across his face. His dark brown hair hangs slightly into his dark brown eyes. His mouth is sharply pulled into a half grin that reads either Don't fuck with me or I'm hot and I know it. Goose bumps surface on my skin despite the scorching heat. His low-riding jeans and white sleeveless T-shirt hug his swarthy, muscled body.

He probably learned at the age of three how to kill someone with his pinky finger.

A couple weeks after we came to Jersey, my mom took me to the playground near the elementary school. She wanted me to play with the kids in the neighborhood. You know, get to know them.

I was in the sandbox letting the rough sand filter through my fingers. A little boy came over and sat next to me. It was Antonio. His skin was darkly tanned and smooth. Antonio made up a game in the sand called bakery. We made sand pies with buckets and pretended to make different kinds. Antonio was a cute kid. He even pretended like he was eating some of them. He kept saying, "Mangia, mangia." I remember laughing at the funny word.

My mom had Erin on her lap and was sitting on a bench talking to a pretty lady who had on lots of makeup. It was weird...one minute my mom was talking, the next she was at the sandbox grabbing my arm, trying to lift me out. I started crying that I didn't want to leave. She dragged me down the street with Erin on her hip toward the house. I never even said good-bye to Antonio.

Five-year-old Antonio was cute; eighteen-year-old Antonio is chilling—beautifully scary, dazzlingly intimidating, heart-throbbingly gorgeous, and standing in my way.

A sharp voice pulls me from my trance and the vortex of Antonio's striking eyes. "Tonio!" An old grandmotherly woman leans out the window of the house next to us. I've seen this woman before. We talk sometimes when she's sitting alone on her steps. Now, she starts gesturing with her arms and yelling in a Sicilian accent. "Tonio! Leave ta medigan alone! Come, mangia!"

A wolfish grin crosses his face, and he turns and climbs the steps two at a time. He looks back at me before heading into the house. I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding and quickly pull the red wagon home.

Chapter 2

Mangia (mahn-ja): to eat, and eat, and eat more (even if you're not hungry)

Antonio

I walk into Nonna's apartment still thinking about her—Megan. I'll admit I saw her coming and dragged out my cigarette a little longer than necessary. How could I not see her coming with that head of shocking, beautiful red hair? Ever since her family moved in, I've been fascinated with her, always silently checking my surroundings for her at school, at the movies, even in the streets.

Meatballs, tomatoes, and basil mix into an aroma that wafts through from the kitchen. Even when Nonna isn't cooking, you can still smell the ghost of Italian food in the air and on the plastic-covered furniture.

"Tonio!" she yells again. "You leave ta girl alone, capisce!" Nonna scolds with a ladle, waving it at my face.

"What, Nonna? I wasn't doing anything." Nonna's orthopedic shoes shift on the linoleum floor.

She harrumphs. "I knew boys like you. I was young too, ya know! I saw yous lookin' at her like she was strawberry gelato! You're your father's son!"

"Nonna, please." I shake my head.

"You gotta prove your worth!" You could always count on one thing with Nonna—yelling. It's how she talks. When she's quiet, you're in trouble. "Now set the table!"

Nonna loads me up with dishes of food to take home to my ma. I place them all on the floor of the backseat of my car for the two-mile drive home. I kiss her good-bye like the good grandson.

My phone beeps with a text message from Vito:

Vito : Where r u?

Tonio: Jus leavin' Nonna's

Vito: Meet me @ the dock

Tonio: Can't. Gotta meet Pop

Vito: K

Mom's Beemer is there when I get home. I carry the food into the house.

"Ma! Nonna's got food for you," I call out, heading over to the fridge to put the dishes in. While my head is still in the fridge, Mom comes around the corner.

"Hey, sweetie." She leans in to kiss me.

"Hi, Ma." I flip the door closed and pop a can of soda. Caramel-colored liquid sprays all over the front of my white shirt. "Ugh, fanabola!"

"Hey! Don't swear," my mom yells and clips me with her hand on the back of my head. Her slap echoes in my skull.

"Sorry," I mumble as I strip my shirt off. "I gotta change before I go see Dad."

I climb the stairs to my room. My room hasn't changed much over the years. I've added some posters and pictures of friends, but that's it. I rummage through my drawer to find a clean T-shirt. Wow, I really need to do laundry. I fish to the bottom of the drawer and feel a piece of paper. A picture—an elementary school class picture from fifth grade. This must have been stuck at the back of my drawer for years. It makes me laugh. I scan up and down the rows of pictures. Vito, Ronnie, Alessandra, Louie. And there in the third row, Megan O'Neill. Her freckled face and wild red hair made my heart slam in my chest even all those years ago. I had drawn a heart around her little tiny picture. What a stunad I was!

I throw an old black T-shirt on and hurry down the stairs. Pop will be mad if I'm late for a meeting. Turning eighteen means that I have to attend—it's not optional anymore.

I jump into my Camaro, an eighteenth-birthday gift from my dad, and race to the restaurant. All the meetings take place at Gino's Restaurant. It's a co-owned place that I sometimes work at as a waiter when I'm needed. The heads of the town's families all own it. My father started it and named it after his father, my grandfather, Gino Delisi.

I walk in, and the first person I see is Mr. Maranzano, my friend Alessandra's father.

"Ah, Antonio!" He beams. "What a boy!" He grabs my face in his hands and kisses me on both cheeks. "You're eighteen now, you call me Vinny! Eh!" Then he smacks me gently. My mother calls them love taps. I call them annoying and sometimes painful.

"Thank you, Vinny," I say appreciatively to Mr. Maranzano. People are already starting to treat me differently.

I spin around to see Luigi Prazzo. I watch him size me up. He looks me up and down. Instead of a greeting, all I get is a nod in my direction. I never liked him. I don't trust him either. His son Dino is an asshole.

"Is that my lady-killer nephew!?" Uncle Tutti comes strolling in from the kitchen. "Come 'ere, goombah!" I walk into my uncle's arms. He slaps me on the back in greeting.

"Hey, Uncle Tutti." His name is Mario, but everyone calls him Tutti. I don't know why, they just do.

The restaurant is closed on Mondays, so that's when the group usually meets. But tonight, they closed the restaurant on a Saturday for me and my initiation. My father claps his hands together and everyone turns their attention to him.

"Let's sit." He walks to me and hugs me. "Antonio, my boy." He pats my face. "Sit next to me, son."

I walk to the large table that is set up just for these meetings. There are eight of us tonight. My friends, Ronnie Contini's son and Louis Ferretti's son, don't show. They won't be eighteen for another year, so their attendance is optional. Dino Prazzo is away at college. He's a chooch. I can't stand him or his father.

A waitress comes from the kitchen to pour wine into everyone's glasses. My father starts to speak. "My family, today we welcome a new man, my son, Tonio. He has been an exceptional student, and he has learned many valuable lessons over the years. He joins us with a full heart and we welcome him with open arms. He, like all our sons, is the future of Palmetto, New Jersey. So let us raise our glasses to Antonio Rinaldo Delisi, Junior." My father raises his glass. "Vino, Antonio, Salud!"

A chorus of Saluds echoes off the restaurant walls. I pick up my glass and drink with them.

Chapter 3

Salud, Salute (Sa lood): to your good health, a toast (hopefully you're not wearing cement shoes when you're toasted)

Megan

The O'Connells arrive just before six. I've already vacuumed and scrubbed the pans my mom used to make dinner. Erin has set the table and lit the candles. Everything is perfect, like my mom always wants.

My mother greets her friends Patrice and Aidan as they wobble through the door carrying platters of assorted desserts. Behind them come their two sons, Troy and Connor. Connor immediately heads for the living room to look for Erin.

Connor has had a crush on her for years. He used to be shy around her until last year. Our parents had a joint birthday party for them when Connor and Erin turned fourteen. Connor must have matured or something because now he is perfectly normal around Erin. Well, as normal as a fourteen-year-old male can be.

Troy, on the other hand, never really grew up. He's sneaky, silly, and my best friend. Troy can always make me laugh. It doesn't hurt that he's a striking Irishman with blue eyes and thick dirty-blond hair. Two years ago, he shot up, and now he towers over my 5'4" frame.

"Ahh!" I squeal as Troy picks me up and spins me around like I'm a little kid. I throw my head back, laughing.

"Okay, you two," my mother scolds. "Go put these in the kitchen, Meg." My mother hands me the desserts. Troy and I head into the kitchen, following orders.

"So. Spill!" I yell at Troy as he takes some cheese and crackers off a plate on the table.

"Spill what?" he asks, cocking his head to the side.

"You start college in a week! You excited?"

"Umm, yeah." he mumbles.

"That wasn't too convincing," I retort, popping a cheese cube in my mouth.

He sighs and looks toward the door. Clearly, he's afraid someone will overhear.

"Come on..." I grab Troy's arm and leading him to my room. "Let's go talk." Obviously, something is bothering him. He's never not excited about something. He makes pumping gas into a car an adventure.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier that you're not happy about going to college?" I ask, closing my bedroom door. Troy flops down on the bed, his blond hair trailing across his eyes.

"I just think I'm not ready," Troy responds, scrunching my pillow under his chin. "I really wanted to try traveling first. You know, see the world. And you're not going to be there at school for another year," he pouts. Troy's voice sounds worried and a bit lonely.

"We've never gone to school together. You'll be fine. It'll go by like that." I snap my fingers. "Then it will be the next year, and I'll be there." I push his shoulder to get him to look at me. "Come on, you'll be fine," I reassure him. I can't wait to get out of Palmetto.

I hear a thump come from the other side of the room. Thump. Giggle.

I gingerly open my closet door to find Erin and Connor sitting on the floor, looking very guilty.

"What are you doing?" I ask, exasperated.

"Nothing," Connor says. My sister sits there red-faced.

"Well, I'm glad to know it's nothing, considering my sister's face matches her hair!" I toss my hands up and turn to Troy. "Do you believe this?"

Troy stares at the two of them on the floor from his position on the bed. "Yeah. I'm just mad I never thought of it before."

"Why you!" I lunge at the bed and grab my pillow out from under him. I start hitting him with it. He grabs my waist and throws me down on the bed, tickling me. "Stop!" I yell. "Stop!... I can't breathe!"

"Sucks to be you." He tickles me harder. I kick and thrash on the bed trying to free myself, only I'm laughing too hard.

"Megan!" my mother yells. We both hold still to listen. "What's going on up there!?"

Troy, still poised over me, looking down on me with a wicked gleam in his eye, answers softly and sarcastically only to me. "Well, Connor is ravishing one daughter in the closet. As for me, I'm straddling the other on her bed." Laughter bubbles up in me again.

"Unfortunately, this is all true," I admit as Troy lets me up. I'm out of breath. I walk back to the closet because the door has been shut again. This time I fling it open. All I can see is the back of Connor's head. "Get out now!" I yell. Troy and I watch as Erin and Connor scramble away.

Chapter 4

Chooch (choo-ch): Jackass!

Antonio

I'm glad the meeting didn't run late because now I have time to meet the others at the dock. Vito, Louie, and Ronnie are all still there. The tires of my car thrum and bump across the wooden boards until I stop in front of the guys. I kill the engine and get out. Vito tosses me a beer. I catch it and smoothly pop the top. I take a long pull off it.

"So, how did it go?" Vito asks me.

"Good." I sit on the hood of my car. "They're watching Sommersville though. Pop says Sommersville is getting fuckin' greedy." Louie lets out a loud burp while Ronnie cranks up the stereo on his car.

"Shit, Louie!" I curse at him. "I can smell your Ma's cooking ova here!"

"Sorry, dude. Got some serious agita..." He belches, banging his fist on his chest. I light a cigarette.

"Hey, Tonio? Why'd you get a red Camaro? I thought black was more your thing, man," Louie asks between belches.

"Ooo, speaking of Red. The Irish Princess looked fuckin' hot today. Didn't she?" Ronnie yells over the music.

"Shit, yeah!" Louie quips. "I'd like a piece of her!"

I feel my back stiffen at the mention of Megan. My friends and I talk shit about girls all the time, but this is different.

My father told us years ago we all had to stay away from her. Pop meant don't fuck her or fuck with her. He never said why, but I generally keep my distance like everyone else.

Megan is beautiful, sweet, and smart. It's no wonder everyone is into her. Just listening to them talk about her makes me want to punch something. I don't get a chance to remind them to stay away from her because a black sedan suddenly drives toward us. I take another puff of my cig and watch Donny's Lincoln pull up. A dark window rolls down, and I stroll over to Donny the Knife.

"Hey, Tonio," Donny says. "Give this to your pop." He hands me a bulky manila envelope. "Tell him Johnny is all set, but there's no juice."

I hang my cig out of my mouth to take the package and shake hands with Donny through the window.

"No problem, Donny."

"Ah, you're a good boy." He taps me on the cheek with his hand. "Stay out of trouble, eh?"

I know better than to open the envelope. "No juice" means Donny collected some money, but there was no interest on top of what was owed.

Donny's the Enforcer. He works for my pop. He collects on debts or he fucks you up. It's that simple. There's a Cleaner, too. No one knows who it is. The Cleaner ices people who don't pay or who rat out to the cops. The secret identity of the Cleaner keeps everyone loyal.

I open my car and shove the package under the seat. The guys are still hanging out and drinking. No one even flinches at the sight of Donny the Knife.

After about five beers, I lay back down on the hood of my car. The conversation about Megan is long over. I try not to dwell on it. I'm buzzed. The music is rocking, and I'm feeling very relaxed. Vito comes over to sit on the hood with me.

"School starts Monday. It fuckin' sucks. Why can't summer be six months instead of three?" Vito crushes his beer can and throws it into the river.

"At least we're seniors," I remind him. "It'll all be over by May. I jus' wanna get it over with."

Louie taps my car to get our attention. He points toward the end of the road that leads to the dock. "Company." We fix our gazes on where Louie is indicating.

I reach into my car window to the glove compartment and grab my Glock. I shove it into the back of my pants. Ronnie grabs a blade.

The music is still playing, and we are all focused on the car stopped at the end of the alleyway. I hear a rush of movement and an oaf from Ronnie.

From the water side of the dock, six ski-masked guys jump us. We're outnumbered, but we hold our own. I get pushed to the ground, and my assailant gets in a good punch to my face. I thrust up with my legs and push him off. He flies backwards and lands, smashing his head on the boards. Only seconds have gone by, but it feels like an hour fighting these guys. I scan my surroundings and see Ronnie, Vito, and Louie all fending off our attackers.

I reach behind me into my waistband and grab my gun. I fire a shot into the air. It startles everyone. All eyes stare at me. I lower my piece and point it directly at the fucker who jumped me.

My eye is trained, looking down the barrel of my gun at the asshole in front of me. "You have less than three seconds to get the fuck out of here. One...." My voice is menacingly deep. They all jump up and start running. The four of us watch as the chooches run their asses off.

I learned how to intimidate people at a young age. I also learned from the best—my pop.

"What the fuck?" Vito yells, brushing himself off. "Do they think this is a Jackie Chan movie? Those dickheads were all dressed in black, like fuckin' ninjas!"

Some of the tension slowly leaves my body. I lightly touch my eye that got socked. "Wow, Tonio, your eye is gonna be really black and blue for church tomorrow," Ronnie comments.

"Yeah, thanks," I deadpan.

Chapter 5

Stunad (Stew nad): You're just stupid!

Antonio

In the morning, while I'm putting on my suit, Pop walks in. "I got the package you left. Thanks, Tonio." He looks at me. "Eh, what happened to you?" He grabs my face to examine my eye. I yank away from him.

I continue getting dressed, staring into the mirror tying my tie. "Got jumped."

"What? Who? Tonio!"

"I don't know... some fuckers dressed in black. I pulled my Glock on them and they ran." I grab my keys and wallet and shove them in my pocket, shrugging my shoulders.

"You think it's Sommersville?" he asks me.

I shake my head. "I don't know, Pop."

"I'll send Donny to look into this. Stay away from them docks for a while." I don't look at him. "Eh!" He smacks me. "You got me?"

"Yes, Pop."

*****

Megan:

My family goes to St. Mary's Church, not St. Patrick's anymore. We could leave and go back to an Irish Catholic church like St. Patrick's—that's where the O'Connells go—but St. Mary's is close to our home. So, as my father says, it's convenient.

I have on a summer silk cherry-red sundress, and I put my hair up in a messy bun. The temperature on this last day of August is supposed to reach ninety degrees, and there's no air conditioning in the church. I'm thankful that we're going to an early morning mass. Going to a later one just means it will be hotter in the church.

My father drops off my mom, Erin, and me at the entrance. St. Mary's is a huge Cathedral-like structure; all stone and stained glass. A twenty-foot cross with Jesus on it hangs behind the altar. It's a lovely church. On special occasions the priest preaches Mass in Latin.

I don't run into kids from school too often here. There are five different times Mass is run on weekends and usually we go to the less crowded one late on Sunday. Today, I'm not so lucky, I see kids from school milling about.

"Ugh, it's hot already," my mother complains as we climb the massive stone steps into the church. Behind me are a couple of senior boys from my class. One of them was in a bunch of classes with me last year—Louie Ferretti.

We walk down the aisle and my mother selects the emptiest pew she can find. The three of us kneel and make the sign of the cross as we slide down the hard wooden bench. Louie's family and his friends slide in the pew behind us.

I pick up the missal in the bench pocket in front of me. I need something to do. I can hear whispering behind me. I know I sound paranoid, but I always worry. I can't hear what they're saying. I hope it isn't about me. A cell phone drops down directly next to me on the bench, onto the skirt of my dress that is draped around me. It startles me for a second. No one notices but me. My mother is on the kneeler praying, and Erin is texting someone (probably Connor) while waiting for Mass to start.

I turn my head to look behind me. Not two inches from my face is that black-Cadillac guy, Vito. He whispers seductively in my ear.

"Why don't you put your number in that phone so I can call you sometime?" I can feel his breath on my neck, blowing on some loose curls that fell out of my bun earlier. My breath hitches from his closeness. What I really want to do is drop his cell phone in the holy water fountain at the front of the church. I quickly decide otherwise—it's best not to mess with these guys. Why doesn't he just leave me alone?

I notice movement out of the corner of my eye, behind Vito. Standing and waiting for his family is Antonio Delisi. Vito's face becomes distorted and out of focus in my vision as I stare at Antonio in his striking black suit. What a breathtaking sight! He always carries himself in a suave and regal manner, like the mob-royalty he is around here. He and his mother wait patiently while his father speaks to one of the priests.

Antonio spots me watching him while Vito is still leaning in next to me. He speaks to his mother, takes her hand, and leads her toward us. I quickly turn around.

I hear Vito stand and hug Mrs. Delisi and pat Antonio. Others behind me say their hellos as well. I strain to hear what is going on. I steal a glance at Erin—she's still texting away. I suck in a strong breath, cross my legs, and rest my folded hands in my lap like a young lady who has got herself together.

Then something happens. Something I never would have expected. Antonio Delisi comes around the side of the pew and sits down next to me. I quickly look his way, unbelieving. His eyes are smoldering, and he has a knowing look on his face. "Good morning," he says to me.

"Good morning," I return, and then I repeat it to his mother, who sits on the other side of him.

The cell phone still lies next to me, resting on the silk of my dress that spills around me. Antonio reaches down, grabs it, and holds it behind his head without turning around.

In a deep guttural voice, he says, "Vito."

Vito's hand comes around and snatches the phone from Antonio. He knew. Antonio knew what Vito was doing. I blush. A couple of seconds later the organ begins to play and Mr. Delisi slips into our pew next to his wife.

At some point my father sat down next to my mother at the other end because I could see his burly hands resting on his thighs. I only notice for a second, though, because I'm hyperaware of Antonio next to me. I find myself noticing every twitch or movement of his body.

When it's time to stand and sing, Antonio opens the hymnal to the correct page and holds it for me to share with him. I notice his hands, which are a dark tan color, and his fingers that are long and slender. It must be awkward for him to share with me because of our height difference. It's sweet. I'm singing with the mob boss's son in church. It's terrifying and seems right all at the same time. I don't feel afraid like I know I should and sometimes do.

Later, over the loudspeaker, the priest announces, "It is now time to pass the peace of Christ." Everyone stands. I don't know what to do first. I turn to Erin. I lean over and give her a sisterly half hug. I kiss my mom and dad. Murmurs of Peace be with you are heard throughout the church. I shake hands with Louie and his family. I'm glad Vito is absorbed in Mr. and Mrs. Delisi.

I turn all the way around, and Antonio is there facing me...inches from me. I look him straight in the eye, and he is smiling devilishly at me. I quickly notice that his eye is black and blue. I have this uncontrollable urge to reach out and touch it, to examine the damage. I want to hold a cold pack to it and whisper to him that the pain will go away soon. My thoughts of touching him run away from me. I'm in a surreal bubble.

He takes my hand in his, gently, then leans down and kisses my cheek. A bolt of excited shock pierces through to my stomach. He whispers, "Peace be with you," into my ear. He stays there a fraction of a second longer than necessary. My heart speeds up even more. I feel tingles from where his lips touch my cheek. They radiate all the way down to my toes.

I'm frozen. Everyone is starting to sit down, and I'm still standing there like an idiot. Erin reaches up and yanks me down. My butt connecting with the hard wood bench pulls me back into reality.

*****

Antonio

How much of a stunad can you be, Delisi? Stupid, stupid, stupid...

We all slowly file out of the church. I can sense Megan behind me. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to reach behind me and put my arm around her waist to guide her out of the church like she's mine.

"Oh, Antonio," Father Gio says. "A senior now! And school starts tomorrow." Father Giovanni always tries to remember something about everyone in his church. He shakes my hand, then he turns his attention to Megan behind me. "My beautiful Megan! You're a senior too... Oh, that reminds me. Do you think you would be willing to play your harp one Sunday? What a treat that would be."

I hear the hesitation in her voice as I move forward with the crowd. "I would love to, Father."

"Great, great. How about next Sunday, this same Mass?"

"Okay."

"Bless you, child."

I linger so I can be around her for a little longer. The harp? She plays the harp? My thoughts are interrupted when Vito comes up to me and lightly punches my arm.

"Slick, Delisi. That was very slick." He smirks.

I shrug and walk through the Sunday crowd following my parents to the car. I hear her before I see her. No one can mistake the whiny twang that accompanies Maria Silvati's voice.

"Tony! Wait up!" Maria yells repeatedly. "Wait up!" Her hand comes down on my arm, and I spin around to face her. "Didn't you hear me calling you?" she asks.

I plaster on my best smile. "Sorry."

"Hey, I was wondering—you busy this afternoon? Nonna Silvati is cooking today. You want to come for dinner?"

"I can't," I tell her, looking away. I catch myself scanning the crowd for Megan. After all these years, it's become an obsession.

My mother hears Maria and my response. She hits me on the arm. "Tonio! Don't be so rude," my mother scolds me. "You can go with Maria's family. You were just with your Nonna the other night. Go with your friend."

If my mother only knew! Maria is the senior class whore. When guys want a lay, they seek her out, and she delivers. Me? I never want anything to do with the skank. I don't want someone else's leftovers, or to know my goods have been the same place as my friends'. Ugh, fuckin' gross!

"Tonio, I am talking to you." My mother continues to berate me, and I hang my head in defeat.

"Yes, Maria. Thank you. What time should I be there?" I reply tonelessly.

Maria squeals. "Yay! Two p.m. See you then." She gives me a ridiculous wave and walks away. I scrub my hand down my face in annoyance. Great, the last day of summer, and I've got to spend it with her. Fuckin' great.

"Eh, what's tha matta wit you?" My mother slaps the back of my head. Her words are clipped off, she's pissed. "I raised you betta than that!"

I sigh and say nothing.

"What's wrong wit you? You neva have a girlfriend. You don't want to go anywhere except with your friends or with Alessandra. You got somethin' goin' on with her?"

I'm surprised by this outburst from my mother. We never talk about this shit.

"What, are you crazy? She's like a sister to me," I half yell back.

Speaking of Alessandra, my phone beeps with a text:

Alessandra: What's goin on today? You hangin out?

Tonio: No I have to have fuckin dinner at Maria's!

Alessandra: LOL See ya later

My mother and I stand there, waiting for my dad to finish talking with Donny. Most of the churchgoers have gone. Actually, new people are starting to arrive for the next Mass. I squint, the sun in my eyes. I see Johnny Nero slowly coming up the steps, giving my family a wide berth.

He's limping slightly. He has his arm in a sling. I catch a glimpse of his face, and he has long red scratches down his cheeks and above his eyes. I know he knows I'm watching him. I know by the way his eyes stay focused on the stone of the steps and by the way he changes his gruff breathing.

Some seriously large must have been in the envelope last night, and Johnny Nero must be in some deep shit.

Chapter 6

Nonna (naw-na): Grandmother. (Watch out! She'll smack you just as hard as your mother.)

Antonio

At 1:59 p. m., I stop my car in front of Maria's house. Her cousins are outside. They all go to high school with us. She's probably slept with some of them, too. I shudder at the thought as I walk up and greet everyone. Dino Prazzo, Luigi's son, comes strolling out of the house, eyeing me warily. He's always been fuckin' scared of me, so I'm not sure what this look is about, but I give it right back. He's Maria's cousin. I wonder what he's doing home. I thought he left early for college. He wasn't at the meeting Saturday night.

"Tony!" Maria screeches and runs over to me, enveloping me in a hug. I graciously and lightly hug her back and step away. She slips her hand under my arm and leads me into the house.

During dinner all I can think about is Megan—being next to her, her silk dress, and the way I wanted to shove Vito's cell phone down his throat. I know he'd never do anything. He's too afraid of my dad. It's just, when it comes to Megan, my thoughts get oobatz.

Three hours and five courses of food later, I'm ready to leave. I can't take another minute of Maria hanging on me, and I'm ready to smack the arrogant look off Dino's face.

I stand to give my regards to Mrs. Silvati and her mother. "First day of school tomorrow. I've got to be getting home."

"Oh no, Tonio, stay!" Maria's grandmother pleads. "Maria was so looking forward to you coming today."

"I can't. My dad needs me," I say. If I ever have to get out of something, the only thing I have to say is My dad needs me or My dad's waiting for me.' No one argues with that.

"Okay, Tonio," Nonna Silvati says. "I hope we see you again soon." Not if I can help it.

Maria grabs my arm to walk me to my car. I say my good-byes and let her lead me.

"Thank you for dinner, Maria," I say politely, pulling my hand away from hers.

Maria doesn't take the hint though. She tugs me into the empty living room. Everyone is still in the dining room at the table. I feel the need to get away again, but I don't want to hurt her. She's got a tough hold on my hand. Maria spins around and reaches up, practically jumping to smash her mouth with mine.

I am momentarily stunned, but I recover quickly. I grab her upper arms to delicately push her away.

"What's wrong with you, Tony?" she whines. That is the second time someone has asked me that today.

"Nothing."

"Then why don't you want me? You're the first guy to ignore me."

I don't want to tell her that the reason is that I have absolutely no interest in girls like her. I really don't want to tell her that my skin crawls when she's around. So, I do what I do best. I lie.

"Maria, I have a lot of responsibilities. I don't have time to have a relationship right now. You deserve more than what I can give you." I don't like lying like that on Sunday. It feels more wrong than it does during the rest of the week.

Her brown eyes start to glisten like she's going to cry. Oh, no. I hate it when girls cry. Then she surprises me by hugging me. "That is so sweet, Tony." She sniffles once and lets me go. Whew! Close one.

*****

Megan

When people say they're walking on cloud nine, I totally know what they mean now. After church, I'm beaming. A butterfly flutters its wings in my belly every time I think of Antonio leaning down to kiss my cheek. In fact, this morning is the first day of my last year of high school, and it isn't even giving me same depressing feeling I get at the start of every year. Instead, I'm invigorated. I catch myself smiling in the mirror as I brush my long hair. I know that Antonio was probably just playing with me because of Vito, but who cares. Just looking at Antonio makes my blood race. My phone chirps with a text from Troy:

Good luck on ur 1st day!

Antonio and I are never in the same classes. I only know him by chance meetings, the neighborhood, and by reputation. No one messes with him. He walks on water at Palmetto High. I'm not sure if it's his good looks or the fact that his father is Antonio Delisi, Sr., ruler of all Palmetto, but either way, every girl wants to date him.

I walk to school because, like I said before, my dad refuses to buy another car. I'm halfway to school when a little blue hatchback rolls to a stop next to me.

"Hey, girl! Get in." It's Raven Ramirez, the only other medigan at school. She's Hispanic and just about the only person I talk to or hang out with there. We have most of the same classes together. We're a lot alike. Neither one of us fits in.

"Congratulations!" I tell her. Up until last year, neither of us had a car.

"Thanks! My mom and dad gave it to me over the weekend. They've been talking about it for a while. Now they finally bought it. Yeah ME!" she screeches. "And to top it off, I'm going to take you home too, homegirl." Raven beams with pride.

"Now it's 'yeah me!'" I chuckle. Raven looks at me closely.

"You look different." She pauses. "You have sex or something?"

"What?!" I squeal.

"Whoa, take it easy! I'm just messing with you." Raven laughs.

Raven drops the subject as we head to school. The subject changes to classes, teachers, and summer gossip.

"How many blow-off classes are you taking?" Raven asks.

"Home Ec, Music Appreciation, and Auto Mechanics," I reply.

"Auto Mechanics! Why would you take that? You don't even own a car," Raven laughs.

"I think it's important to know the basics about cars. How to change the oil, fix a loose hose... the basics."

"I guess," she admits, as she turns her car in to a tiny spot near the picnic tables.

I unbuckle my belt and reach for my bag. I get out of the car, still defending my class selection of Auto Mechanics to Raven. Suddenly, laughing at the nearby picnic tables distracts me. Sitting on top of the one in front of us, looking like he doesn't have a care in the world, is Antonio. Sitting next to him is Alessandra and that kid Vito.

Alessandra's thick chestnut hair is styled into perfect soft waves. She has on designer ripped jeans and three-inch-high heels. Alessandra is an Italian goddess. And she's sitting with Antonio. I always suspected that they might be secretly dating or something. It's a rumor I've heard, and I have seen them together a lot over the years. Just seeing them together now confirms my suspicions that Antonio is just playing with me. What would he want with me? A stab of jealousy punctures my stomach where butterflies for Antonio hide.

A guy whose name I don't know calls out, "Hey, Red!"

I try to ignore him while I sling my bag over my shoulder. I steal a glance, and Vito is elbowing Antonio. Raven is on the other side of the car, waiting for me.

"Hey, Red!" the guy calls again.

Alessandra shushes him. "Ashbet, Ronnie!"

I feel my face flaming. I keep walking. Raven falls into step with me and we speak quietly to each other until I hear footsteps behind us.

"Megan, wait up."

Alessandra is catching up to us. Raven and I stop.

"Hey," she greets us.

"Hey," Raven and I say simultaneously.

"I just wanted to apologize for them." She points back to the picnic table. "They can be obnoxious." My eyes shift to where Alessandra is pointing, and my eyes lock with Antonio's. Heat crawls up my neck and face. It's not just embarrassment, but intense desire.

"Yeah, well." I didn't know what to say. They are obnoxious.

"I'm having a party at my house Saturday night. You know, a back-to-school party. I thought you might like to come."

"Ummm..." I'm speechless again. I have never, ever been invited to Alessandra's house.

"Both of you." She pulls out her cell phone. "Here, give me your numbers, and I'll text you my address."

"Ummm..."

"Come on. It'll be fun!" she encourages.

I give Alessandra my number. Raven and I walk away in stunned silence.

True to her word, Alessandra texts me her address about a half an hour later. I send back a thx for thank you. Electives don't start until next week, so I have three long hours of study hall.

During hour number two, when I will be having my auto mechanics class, Antonio comes strolling in late. He scans the room. I hastily look down at the notebook, scribbling on it randomly because I finished the little bit of homework assigned during hour one. I pretend that I'm immersed in doing something important when I hear books thunk down on the desk next to me.

Shit! I glance over my shoulder as Antonio sits down next to me.

"Hi," he whispers.

"Hi," I say back. Panic is building in my stomach, and my thoughts stray back to the kiss yesterday. Startling me, my phone buzzes with a text message from Troy.

Troy: How's ur day goin? Can I come over 2nite?

I'm holding my phone in my lap so it doesn't get taken away by the study hall teacher. Antonio is watching me. I text back.

Me: Okay. Weird, actually. Yeah, definitely come over.

Troy: C U @ 6

"Friend?" Antonio asks quizzically, part of his mouth turned up in a half smile.

"Yeah," I respond shyly.

*****

Antonio

I feel my breath getting shallower as I look at Megan. She's stunning. I want to talk to her more, but I don't really know what to say. This is new for me. I never feel out of my element. Talking to girls has always been easy for me. But no girl has ever been Megan. There's something so wholesome and good about her, and it draws me.

Seeing her four times in a three-day time span is not good for me. The sad part is yes, I'm counting. Maybe I'm being punished. My punishment is seeing her every day, but not being able to do anything about it. I had to keep repeating the Hail Mary to myself for my unclean thoughts about her during church. That dress was my undoing. Kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear were definitely bold moves, especially in front of my father. But I loved every second of it.

"So you're taking Auto Mechanics too?" I ask.

"Yeah," she confides, not looking at me.

"That's cool. Everyone should know a little bit about cars." As I talk to her quietly in study hall, I just want to reach out and touch her long hair.

She glances up at me, a small smile on her face. "That's what I said! Raven thinks I'm crazy."

How could anyone think this girl is crazy? I'm the one who's oobatz!

Chapter 7

Oobatz (oo-botz): Crazy

Antonio

On the drive home from school, I realize that today was the first time in my entire life that I didn't hate study hall. Megan and I didn't say a whole lot. I just loved looking at her.

I know where she lives. Hell, I know where everybody lives, what they do for a living, who they're related too. I have to know. Pop has maintained his position for so long by knowing everyone else's shit. I typically avoid her street. Avoiding her, not thinking about her—it's helped me get by for all these years. At first, I thought I liked her because Pop said she's off limits. I know deep down that that's not the reason. I'm drawn to her—always have been, always will be.

I pull up to my house. Donny's car is parked out front. I can hear Pop and Donny talking by the side of the house. They wave me over.

"Hey, Pop, Donny," I say.

"Tonio, you need to take a ride with Donny to take care of some things for me."

"Okay. Let me throw my books in the house." I jog up to the door, toss my bag inside, and run back out to meet Donny by his Lincoln. I hop in, and we set off.

"Your pop tells me you had some trouble the other night."

"Yeah, me and the guys got jumped by six dudes with ski masks. They tried to beautify my face, but I pulled a Glock on them."

"Yous remember anything about them?"

"Nah. It happened fast, and they took off running."

"Well, if you or the guys remember anything you tell me, eh?"

"Yeah, Donny, I will."

Donny pulls up to the docks and slows the car down to a crawl, scanning in between the crates and stuff that litter the place at this time of year.

"Who we looking for?" I ask.

"Johnny Nero."

"Johnny Nero? Didn't you fuck him up already?"

"Yeah, but he still hasn't finished payin'."

"Fanabola! He's walking with a limp. I saw him at church yesterday."

"Well, he betta start prayin' because here's your first beatin' as an enforcer. This is how it goes, Tonio. Collect whatever money you can. Give a couple of hits. I want you to break two of his fingers. I left the fingers for you 'cause I knew your pop was going to send you in when Johnny didn't have all the money the other night."

I nod.

"Now repeat to me. What do ya do?" Donny asks, arcing his ear to me like I'm repeating a grocery list he gave me.

"Collect the money. Hit him a couple of times. Break two fingers. Got it," I affirm, matter-of-factly.

"Good boy. This is an easy one. He ain't gonna run on ya. Make it quick 'cause it's easier on everyone."

Thinking back to the drive home from school, the last thing I thought I was going to have to do tonight besides homework was kick the shit out of someone. But around here, things can change quickly.

"Look, here he comes. He just got off work. Take him behind the building. GO!" Donny yells.

I jump out of the car and saunter over to Johnny. He's talking to some guy I don't know. He breaks his conversation immediately and we walk out of earshot of the people milling around after work.

"Give me the money, Johnny," I say.

He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a wad of rolled up hundreds. "I can get the rest. Tell your pop I'll have it this weekend," he pleads. I shove the money in my pocket. I don't count it or even look at it.

"Shit, Johnny!" I let my fist fly. It connects with his jaw with a sickening crack. I don't dwell on the noise because an adrenaline rush hits me. My arm cocks back again, ready to strike before Johnny can recover. SLAM! I fucking hit him again. He's staggering, and I have to move forward to get his hand. I plant my foot, grab the pinky and ring finger of his left hand, and twist hard. It sounds like two twigs snapping. Johnny screams. He falls to the ground, writhing in pain.

I stand over him and mutter ominously in a low voice, "Get the rest of the fuckin' money, Johnny. I'll be back on Saturday." I turn to walk back to the Lincoln. Standing behind a crate, watching me, is Donny. He nods to me, and I nod back.

As soon as I get home, I get ice out of the freezer for my hand. I wrap the plastic bag full of ice around my knuckles. They're throbbing and red. My pop comes in the kitchen.

"Good job, Tonio, good job. Donny was very pleased. You did exactly like he told ya to."

"Thanks, Pop."

When I have to do something like that, I don't think about it. I just do it. It's the way of life here. You don't pay, you get hit. You don't pay again, you get hit and something broken. You don't pay a third time; you get something really important broken. There are rules.

Pop counts out five hundred dollars from the money I just gave him and hands it to me.

"Here, get yourself something for your new car or take a pretty girl out." He throws the bills on the table in front of me.

There is only one girl I want to take out, and I don't think Pop would be too pleased.

*****

Megan

Troy comes over right as dinner ends. I change into cutoff jeans and a tank top and we head outside for a walk.

"Well, I have to say one thing about starting college. I'm glad it's starting soon. I'm so bored at home. Connor's at school, Mom and Dad are working... It's boriiiing." Troy drags out the word.

"Soon you'll be knee deep in work and wish you were alone again," I tell him.

"You're probably right," he concurs, taking my hand. We continue down the street, holding hands. I always feel so comfortable with Troy. I can be myself. We laugh, joke, and have a great time together. Even when the weather is hot and sticky, like it is now.

"How about ice cream?" I offer.

"Sounds great!"

I lean in conspiratorially. "So this is how it's gonna go." I talk to him like it's a top secret mission. "The ice cream shop is two blocks down. Last one there... buys." I quickly release his hand and take off running.

"No fair!" he calls.

We race down the sidewalk, avoiding obstacles—trash cans, bicycles, people. I'm still ahead, but Troy with his long legs is gaining on me.

I'm laughing when I see Troy start leaping over trash cans instead of going around them. He sneaks into the lead.

"Hey! No fair!" I yell. I speed up. We both make it to the outdoor ice cream counter at the same time, but he scoops me up by the waist and plops me down behind him so he's first.

"Hey." I stomp my foot playfully. "That's cheating!" I yell.

"I believe madam is mistaken. I am the winner," Troy emphasizes dramatically, pointing to himself. He turns to the window to order his butter pecan waffle cone and I'm still fuming. I ignore the crowd of people around me, who are enjoying ice cream on a hot night.

Suddenly, I hear someone call my name.

"Megan!" It's Alessandra.

"Oh, hi." I'm surprised. She's with a couple of girls from school. Troy comes over and, without any warning, rubs his ice cream on my nose. "I'm gonna kill you," I hiss as I wipe my nose off with the back of my hand.

"Being a sore loser doesn't help your looks," Troy accuses sarcastically, laughing.

Alessandra clears her throat and brings Troy and me out of our little world. I chirp in quickly. "Oh, ummm... Troy, this is Alessandra. She's goes to my school."

Troy immediately sticks his non–ice cream carrying hand out to Alessandra. "Hi. Nice to meet you." He turns back to me. "I believe, young lady, that you have some unfinished business with that gentleman behind the counter." Troy points melodramatically.

"You are such a goof." I giggle. "I'm going." I put my hands up in defeat. I go to pay for the ice cream. I order my favorite, mint chocolate chip.

We sit with Alessandra and her friends for a few minutes while we finish. Troy pulls my hair, tells Alessandra outrageous stories about us, and is his usual dynamic self. Alessandra is acting odd. She is giving Troy a major once-over. I think she likes what she sees. I haven't spent more than five minutes with her until now, so I guess this could be her normal.

"Well, we should be getting back," I announce, standing, and Troy follows suit.

But Alessandra pipes up, "Did you tell Troy about my party Saturday night?"

Whoa! Where did that come from? "Ummm, no."

She speaks to Troy. "I'm having a party this weekend. I would love for you to come—with Megan, of course," she adds.

"As much as I would love to spend more time with my besty," Troy states with fake conviction, putting his arm around me, "I'm heading to Notre Dame this weekend to join the world of collegiate academia."

"So you're college bound, huh?" Alessandra wonders, smiling.

"As hard as it is to believe, yes," he reveals, bowing like the weirdo he is.

"Well, maybe I'll see you around when you're home on break."

"I don't think so." He swivels his head, scanning the surrounding area. "I don't believe I even live around here."

It's truly a good thing that Troy is handsome, because with the way he acts, people tend to think he's a nut-job.

"Megan!" He pats the top of my head and speaks in a fake panic. "Megan!" He's feeling my head all over like a dweeb. "Is that you?" He looks down at me. "Oh, sorry. I was temporarily blinded by your hair."

I elbow him hard in the ribs. "Shut up." I look at Alessandra. She's smiling at me. "Bye."

"Bye."

The ice cream was delicious and just what I needed. We hit block two, and find that some kids have opened up the fire hydrant there. A heavy stream of water is spraying all over the road. Barefoot kids are running, jumping, and kicking the cold water. We stop to watch.

Troy looks down at me, and an evil grin spreads across his face. It takes one second for me to register what he's thinking, and I start running. I don't even get a step away, and he tosses me over his shoulder and heads straight for the hydrant.

I yell and fight. I even smack him in the butt, but he smacks me back. I try pleading with him, but to no avail. He plops me directly in front of the heavy, cold stream of water. I let out an earth-shattering screech. My clothes and hair are immediately soaked. He holds me so I can't move. Troy's getting wet too, but not like I am. I try to dodge out of his reach, and he thrusts me back.

I lunge to get out of the stream, but he's too fast. He grabs me and forces me back to the spot directly in front of the water. We're struggling and laughing. I'm squirming and feeling like I'm in a wet T-shirt contest. The kids are egging Troy on. They think we're hysterical. The commotion is enough to wake the dead.

Troy notices something over my shoulder, and I feel him stiffen. He doesn't let me go, though. I'm still held under the rushing water. I look over my shoulder when I hear two car doors slam. The doors belong to a black Cadillac. Uh-oh!

Chapter 8

Marrone! (mar-own): Dammit!

Antonio

I was on the fence about going out with Vito tonight to throw a few beers back. I wanted to unwind after the ass-kicking, but I was tired too. Eventually I decided to go.

I still can't decide if I'm glad I did or not.

I'm sitting with Vito in his car, watching Megan play dirty dancing in the water with some tool I've never seen before. I realize I must actually be being punished or tested, or something like that.

She looks like a supermodel in a naughty photo shoot, with her pale skin glistening against her slick wet hair. All of her curves show through the thin material of her clothes. I catch myself licking my lips like a fuckin' stalker.

I can't take it anymore. I get out of the car. To do what? I don't know. Stop it? Talk to her? Find out who this chooch is that she's with? Kidnap her and take her back to my house? Shit! I am a fuckin' stalker!

There's a creeping thought in my brain that this guy might possibly be her boyfriend. It makes me want to hurl and punch him at the same time.

I lean against Vito's car and light up. "What are we doing, dude?" Vito asks me, having climbed out of the car to stand next to me. "You're acting oobatz! What the fuck is wrong?"

I shrug my shoulders and take a long drag off my cigarette, just watching.

"Do we need to fuck this guy up or something?"

I don't answer him.

Vito goes quiet, resting his hand against the door of his car. Without warning, Vito starts laughing uncontrollably. "I know what this is!" he bellows between fits of laughter. He slaps his hand on the roof of his car. "I got it! You fuckin' like her! You don't just want to screw Red! You... You like her like a girlfriend. Holy shit! I never thought I'd see this day!" He's getting louder, and he's really pissing me off.

"Keep your fuckin' voice down," I warn. I flick my cigarette butt and glare at him.

"So what do you want to do? Mess up this chooch?" he asks, getting serious.

I look over at Megan and her whatever and they're staring at us. Probably wondering what we're doing. At least they stopped fooling around.

"Nah, I can't do that. She's already petrified of me," I disclose, disgusted.

Yeah, I want to mess him up, but I can't. It would hurt her. I reach for the door handle to Vito's car and get in. I guess I achieved what I wanted. They stopped, and I realize the only person I want her doing that shit with is me.

Vito pulls away from the scene. It was like any guy's fucking nightmare involving a girl he likes. "Ugh!" I punch the dashboard. "I'm in fuckin' trouble, dude!"

Vito laughs, "Yeah, you are."

He drops me off at home, and I sit on my bed replaying beautiful Megan in the water. She was so carefree and breathtaking. I'm still hard from watching her. Who was that fuckin' guy? He had his hands all over her. Jealousy sweeps through me, and I know that I'm losing the battle. I can't stay away from Megan.

Buzzing sounds from my dresser. I pick it up. It's a text from Alessandra.

Alessandra: You home?

Antonio: Yup

Alessandra: I'm coming over.

Ten minutes later, I'm still lost in my boiling jealousy when my bedroom door opens and Alessandra walks in.

"Hey, San." I'm too depressed to even get up off the bed.

"Hey," she says, plopping down in my desk chair.

I sit up. "What were you talking to Megan about this morning?" My interest is totally piqued.

"Oh... I was doing you a favor." She walks to the bed where I'm lying. She pokes me in the chest over and over.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. I'm sick of you looking like a stunad whenever she's around."

"What?" I quickly sit up.

"How stupid do you think I am?" she bites out sarcastically. "I have known you way too long for something like a crush on the Irish Princess to slip by me. It's just gotten to the point that you're getting pathetic."

"Huh?!"

"Oh, puh-lease, Tonio!"

I hang my head. She knows. Everybody knows. Even my grandmother knows.

"So." She beams, "I invited her to my house on Saturday night." What?! "And I got her phone number! I think you should call her."

"My father will shove my feet into cement and throw me in the river!"

"What? Why?" San asks incredulously.

"Because my father gave me and everyone else the 'don't date her; don't fuck her' speech about five years ago."

"Ohhh... that explains a lot." Thoughtful, San continues. "She really is nice. No wonder you guys treat her like a leper. Well, anyway. She's got this really cute friend. He's tall and blond..."

"Whoa! Stop right there!" My heart halts in my chest. "What are you talking about?"

"I was at DeMarra's Ice Cream and Megan shows up with some guy. Well, they show up running, actually. They were racing or something..." She trails off. "Anyway, I went up to Megan to say hi, and we all started talking. Troy's very funny. He made me laugh so hard... He starts college next week, so he can't come to the party, but... I hope I see him again... I want to..." San was talking a mile a minute.

"Stop! You know the guy's name? Is he her boyfriend?" I practically yell.

"You know, I was gonna ask her, but I got different vibes. I got the brother/sister vibe and the boyfriend vibe. I was planning on texting her to ask."

"What? You besties with her now?" I ask, feeling slighted. "Besides, I get the boyfriend vibe."

"What do you mean?" San looks disappointed.

"They were putting on a fuckin' wet'n'wild show an hour ago at the fire hydrant near her house. It was fuckin' disgusting."

"How disgusting?"

"Wet, clingy clothes and hands all over. Laughing too. There was lots of damn laughing."

"Hmmm." She grabs her phone. "I'm gonna text her." San types on her phone and shows it to me:

Boyfriend or crazy friend? LOL

I look at the text. "Why LOL?"

"He was really crazy," she says, grinning.

Alessandra sends the text, and we sit in silence, waiting. I feel sick to my stomach. My heart is pumping way too hard. The anxiety is killing me. Friend I can deal with. I think. Boyfriend? I think I will fuckin' kill someone—starting with Troy. Troy? What kind of an asshole name is that? Wasn't that a country like a thousand years ago? What if she doesn't see the text? I don't think I can stand the wait. I'm just about to suggest that San call her when I hear my father call me.

"Tonio! Come down here!"

"I'll be right back." I leave Alessandra.

I jump down the stairs and see my dad standing with Donny in the living room.

"Yeah, Pop?"

"I know school just started, but I need you to go with Donny tomorrow. You need to help get a few things done for me."

"Sure, Pop, no problem." My thoughts dip even lower because now I know I definitely won't see her tomorrow. I open my bedroom door and San is right there, holding her phone in my face. The screen says:

Friend

My heart spikes! I'm instantly relieved. I never want to feel that way again. It's time to do something about my feelings for Megan. I just hope my father doesn't pound my fuckin' face in.

***

I don't just miss one day of school. It's going on day three. Donny and I have collected over twenty thousand dollars and fucked up two people. Donny lets me know that the farther he has to travel and the more time he wastes tracking them the more he fucks them up. We take turns. Each time Donny tells me exactly what to do. Hit him two times in the face, Tonio. Or Pull the arm back till you hear a pop. That means the shoulder has been dislocated. Donny could have been a doctor in an emergency room. He really knows a lot about anatomy.

I also get to count and organize the money. Donny shows me the way to count large sums of cash. He has money bands with him. When I'm done, Donny checks my counting. Then he hands me ten one-hundred-dollar bills. "Here, your pop said to give you this. You're doing a great job, Tonio."

We're still here in northern New Jersey because we got a runner. We trapped him yesterday, but he evaded us again. We're in a hotel resting up to go after him in the morning. Donny gives me some ointment for my knuckles. They're really sore. The ointment shit stinks, but it feels good.

Alessandra has given me Megan's number. I'm so tempted to text or call her. I have no fuckin' clue what I would say, though. Somehow I think Hey, how's it going? I think you're beautiful. I wish I could see you tomorrow, but I have to beat the shit out of people. Bye wouldn't work.

She doesn't even know I have her number, and besides, she's scared shitless of me. The haunting images of her with that chooch Troy invade my mind. I try to concentrate on last Sunday at church and the red dress.

I need to get out of the hotel room. I have a grand burning a hole in my pocket and pent-up energy from the adrenaline rushes I've had over the past three days from beating the shit out of people. Donny's lying on his bed, watching the news.

"Don, I'm gonna go shopping."

"Shopping? What the fuck for?"

"I don't know. I gotta get outta here."

"Okay, Tonio. Don't be gone long."

I take Donny's keys off the bedside table and head out the door. I drive down the main drag until I come to a huge indoor mall. I park at Nordstrom's. I decide that I'm going to pick up some of my mother's favorite perfume.

I'm immediately accosted by sales clerks, some holding bottles of spray cologne. A pretty petite girl with blonde-streaked brown hair and perfect make-up comes up to me.

"May I help you?"

"Uh, yeah. I need a bottle of Chanel."

"For men or women?" she asks.

"Women." I follow her to a sales counter covered in jewelry, perfume bottles, and scarves for sale.

"I have the five-ounce or the eight-ounce spray bottle."

"I'll take the biggest one," I tell her. She slides the counter door shut and places the shiny box on the glass top.

"That'll be eighty-five dollars, please."

I grab a hundred out of my pants pocket. The clerk is smiling a little differently at me, playfully. She takes the hundred from me and asks, "Is this for your girlfriend?" I see the look in her eye. I know that look. I get it a lot.

"No, my mom," I utter, then instantly feel despair. I would take every dime I have and spend it on Megan. I wouldn't even flinch. In fact, I wish I could. It would make me happy. "What's the most popular perfume for a girl?"

"How old is she?"

"Your age, eighteen or so," I inform her.

"Oh, that would be Juicy Couture or Coach Poppy."

"Can I see those?" I ask, getting excited.

She sprays some stuff on a little piece of white paper and hands it to me. I bring it to my nose. It smells good, feminine. She hands me the next one. It smells even better. But I ask her, "Which one do you like?"

"Oh, I'm a Juicy girl," she offers, smiling provocatively.

"I'll take that one then."

"That will be another eighty-five dollars, please." She's still smiling, and her mouth is getting wider and wider. I toss another hundred on the counter, and she hands me my change. The clerk starts to wrap the perfumes and put them in the same bag.

"Can I have those in separate bags, please?"

She laughs. "Sure." I'm not positive, but I think this girl believes I'm buying her perfume. She puts them in pretty bags and ties each one with a ribbon that has the name Nordstrom running along the side. "Will that be all?"

"Yes. Thank you." I snatch the bags off the counter. Her face falls, and I book it to the entrance to the mall.

I wander around for a while and pass all sorts of stores selling clothing, make-up, and shoes. I pass Ralph Lauren. I pick up some pants for myself. Then I walk by a jewelry store. The display in the window has all sorts of silver necklaces. I decide to go in. I slowly peruse the necklaces and bracelets.

"Can I help you?" a tall woman in a business suit asks. She has a bracelet of keys dangling from her wrist.

"I'm just looking." I peer down into the glass.

"Is it for someone special?" she asks.

What am I doing exactly? Why would I come into a jewelry store? I don't want anything for myself.

"Do you have anything Irish or Celtic?" I enquire.

"Come right over here." She points to a tall cabinet made of glass. Inside are intricately made pieces. Some have green stones in them—emeralds, I'm guessing.

"This one is a Claddaugh..." she starts explaining. "The heart means love, the hands mean friendship, and the crown means loyalty. It's white gold and inlaid with diamonds around the circle. All Celtic jewelry has some type of meaning."

She hands the delicate pendant to me. It's beautiful. It's small, but I don't think Megan is showy like my mom. I can just picture it resting on her neck against her buttery skin.

I look up at the clerk. "How much?"

"That one is five hundred and fifty dollars, sir."

"I'll take it," I say without hesitation. She smiles at me and goes to wrap it in a nice box with a bow.

When I get back to the room, Donny appears to be sleeping, but when he hears me come in, he jolts and grabs for his gun.

"It's just me, Donny."

"Eh, Tonio, what did ya get?"

"Some new clothes... perfume for Mom." I leave out I got stuff for someone I wish was my girlfriend.

"You're a good boy."

The next morning, we get up early. The early bird catches the worm... or the chooch who stiffed my father out of five G's.

There is a text on my phone from Alessandra.

Alessandra: Where have u been?

Antonio: Running errands for Dad

Alessandra: Will u be at the party?

Antonio: YES!

Donny did some searching on this dude who ran. He has a sister on the other side of town. We arrive at her house at seven in the morning and park on the street a little way down. One thing I've learned is that doing this kind of stuff can involve a lot of waiting. I text Vito and Ronnie and ask about school. I search the Xbox website for new games coming out. I play a game of Angry Birds and wait and wait... and wait.

Donny breaks the silence.

"Tonio, tomorrow night, don't forget you gotta collect from Johnny again."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm gonna send you alone. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Sure, no problem."

"If he gives you anything less than three G's, you gotta break his leg." I look up from web surfing. He continues. "You count the moolah, then break his leg if it ain't all there."

I hesitate, but I declare, "Got it."

Donny's head turns, and he sees the guy who ran. Simultaneously, we get out of the black Lincoln. My adrenaline starts humming through my veins. We pace each other, then fan out. The asshole sees us. He starts to bolt, but I take off like a shot. I catch up with him instantly and swing out my leg. My leg rips his out from under him, and he goes down—hard. His head smashes on the cement sidewalk. I hold him down with my foot pressed against his throat. That's what twelve years of martial arts training will do for you.

Donny gets to us. He rifles through the guys pockets. He finds fifteen hundred. Not even close.

The guy pleads, "Donny, I need more time."

"You're a runner! I don't like to fuckin' chase people!"

"Donny, please, I just need another week."

"Thirty-five hundred next week." Donny turns to me, "Take care of this, Tonio." And I do.

I grab the guy by his shirt and pull him to a standing position in one fluid motion. I cock my fist back like I've been doing all week and plant it in the guy's face. His nose makes a cracking sound, and I know I've broken it. I've heard that sound before. I wind my hand up again and punch. The guy wails and staggers. While he's staggering backwards, I grab his hand and snap two fingers. He howls long and loud.

I walk away. Donny already has the Lincoln running and waiting. I don't look at the guy crumpled up on the ground as we screech by.

Chapter 9

Cappatosta (ca bah dos): thick-headed, stubborn

Megan

All week Raven has been talking about going to Alessandra's party. On the way to school, about what she's going to wear. On the way home, about how she's changed her mind and about the new outfit she's going to wear. She has gone over and over who she thinks is going to be there.

It's Friday, and she's driving me home.

"Okay," she starts. "I'm going to pick you up at seven. Be ready. Do you think that guy Louie will be there?"

I roll my eyes. She's asked this same question no less than ten times this week. I've offered to text Alessandra and ask, but Raven yells, "No! She might tell him I was asking."

"Yes, I do think he will be there. He's friends with Alessandra," I reassure her again.

I don't mean to be short with her, but I've got my own issues going on. All week I've been waiting to see Antonio. The anticipation is killing me, and every day I've been let down. He hasn't shown up for study hall since that first day he sat beside me.

I've been dwelling on the way Antonio looked at me when I was with Troy. His face was murderous. I'm not sure why, but it seemed like Vito was laughing at him. What were they doing anyway? Besides just standing there glowering at us. I had an ugly fear deep down inside. It wasn't for me. It was for Troy.

Then they just left. Just like that.

Troy and I walked home, and the atmosphere between us was not as jovial as before. Troy was uncommonly quiet. He called me a few times this week, but there was something unspoken between us. He promised to call me tonight because he leaves for Notre Dame in the morning.

Later that evening he calls.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Megan."

"You all set to go?" I ask, getting excited for him.

"Yeah."

"Come on, Troy. It will be great. I want you to call and tell me all about it. I want to know everything from where the cafeteria is to how annoying your roommate is."

Troy's voice gets quiet. "I wanted to ask you about that party tomorrow night."

"What about it?"

"Is that guy with a hard-on for you gonna be there?" he asks softly.

"What?!" His harsh words shock and confuse me. "Ummm, what are you talking about?"

"Don't act stupid, Megan." He's practically yelling at me. In all the years I have been friends with Troy, he has never talked to me this way.

"What is wrong with you?" I ask heatedly, frustrated.

"The guy, Megan! The guy leaning against the car smoking! The one that looked like he wanted to rip my throat out, then have his way with you!" Hurt filled his words.

"Troy, I have to go practice," I force out. "I'm playing the harp in church on Sunday. I'm sure you've got stuff to do for tomorrow. Give me a call when you get settled in."

"Yeah, whatever. Bye, Megan." And he hangs up. The dead air on the other end of the line makes me feel awful. I'm not sure why, but I don't want to talk about Antonio to Troy. I'm not sure about anything.

"Megan!" my mother calls from downstairs. "Your father wants to talk to you!"

I find my father in the living room with his feet up on the coffee table watching soccer.

"Dad?" I say. "Mom said you wanted to see me." He turns off the TV.

"Your mother tells me that you're going to a party in the neighborhood."

"Yes, my friend Raven from school is picking me up."

"I'm not sure how I feel about you going."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask warily.

"You know what it means. We live here, but we don't belong here. I don't know if I can trust those kids." His face is its usual hard expression.

"Alessandra has been very nice to me."

"Megan, those kids are troublemakers."

"Dad, I'm going to be eighteen. This is my last year of school, then I'm off to join Troy at college. I don't think hanging out with Alessandra and a few other kids from school is going to make a difference now since I've never done it in all the years we've lived here."

Dad seems to consider this. "Make sure you make good decisions. If Antonio Delisi is there, or any of his friends, stay away from them. Okay?"

"Okay," I agree and head back to my room for bed. It's been an exhausting week. Different images of Antonio keep popping into my head, some delicious and some scary. I fall asleep to the delicious ones.

***

It's Saturday and Raven has called me every hour on the half-hour to make sure I'm still going and to find out what I'm wearing.

I fix my hair so that my red curls lay in waves down my back. I put on a crimson-colored halter top and dark skinny jeans. I take a cue from the shoes Alessandra always wears and select a pair of matching high-heeled sandals. If Alessandra can walk everywhere in high heels, so can I. I shove money and my lipstick in my pocket, and head outside to sit on my front steps. Raven should be here soon.

When Raven pulls up, she looks gorgeous.

In front of Alessandra's house, a bunch of people are hanging out. Everyone seems to have a plastic cup in their hand. I reach for the door handle to climb out of Raven's car when she asks, "Ready?"

"Ready." I smile. Startling me, my door opens up on its own. A tall guy with light brown hair and green eyes stands above me, holding open the car door.

"Oh, uh, thank you." I stammer.

"Hi." He smiles brightly, revealing beautifully white teeth. "I'm Dino." He holds out his hand to help me out of the car. I blush and take it.

"Hi." Raven comes around the car to where we're standing.

"Hi," Dino says to her.

"I'm Megan, and this is Raven," I introduce her, waving to my friend.

"Yeah, I know who you are," he admits. "I've seen you around."

I don't have a chance to respond when Vito, Antonio's friend, pops out of nowhere. This is more attention than I've had since I moved here.

"Hey, Red, you want a drink?" he asks.

"Uh, sure." After the cell phone scene at the church, I'm a little leery of Vito. Louie comes up behind him drinking a beer.

"Hi, Megan." I notice Raven go rigid next to me. I can see why she likes Louie. He is cute. I never paid attention to him before. He's not as tall as Dino or Antonio or even Vito. But he definitely takes care of himself. He's also smart. I've peer reviewed some of his papers in English class.

"This is Raven." Louie salutes her with his beer and Vito nods.

"Why don't you come in the house and pick what you want?" Vito suggests. It seems like he's trying not to make it sound like an order. My father told me to stay away from Antonio and his friends. It's kind of hard when they're greeting me at the car.

Alessandra hugs me when I walk in her house. I let her. I know we haven't really been friends for all these years, but I've always liked her.

"Oooh, love the shoes!" she notes. Dino, Vito, and Louie are right behind her.

"Thanks."

Raven meets up with some kids from our classes. I scan the crowd quickly. No sign of Antonio. My heart plummets, a little disappointed. I follow Alessandra to the kitchen. She fills cups lined up on trays with a pink liquid.

Dino leans against the counter. He seems to be assessing me. There's a gleam in his eye that is anything but just friendly.

"Megan? Can you help me with these?" Alessandra asks.

"Sure." I'm glad to do anything but just stand there being looked over by Dino. I feel uncomfortable here. I've never spent much time with these people. There's also a ton of people here I don't recognize at all—Dino being one of them.

I wrap my hands around the handles of the tray and turn to go to the living room.

"Can I help you?" Dino offers, moving to take the tray from me. I catch Vito out of the corner of my eye. His face is threatening. He stares at Dino like a panther ready to pounce on its prey.

"No thanks. I've got it." I smile and retreat in to the thrashing bodies dancing in the living room.

Antonio

Johnny Nero doesn't have the all the money again. I need to break his leg now so I can get home, shower, and get to Alessandra's party.

Johnny's face is still swollen from last week and he's still walking with a limp. I wonder if I should break the limping leg or the good one. Should I make the one that's hurt worse or make the good one bad? I don't need this right now. I've counted the money and the time has come. He's only five hundred dollars short. Should I really break his leg for five hundred of juice? Thinking is bad. My pop would say "Don't think—just do."

So I make it fast. I push Johnny to the ground and snap his leg, not caring which one it is.

I get home and get dressed in record time. I'm just getting my shirt on when my dad walks in.

"He didn't have it all, huh?" Pop asks.

"No."

"You break his leg?"

"Yup, all set," I tell him. My voice sounds as casual as if I just told my dad I went to buy milk.

"Here, some money for tonight." He sticks another $500 in my hand. I fold my fingers around it. My dad pats me on the cheek.

"You're a good boy." He smiles at me. "Your ma loved the perfume."

"Thanks, Pop."

***

I head through Alessandra's front door and the party is already rockin'. People are smashed together, dancing to a deep beat coming out of the stereo system. A few couples are making out in the corners of the living room. Everyone I pass says hi to me or claps me on the back. Others, when they see me coming, move out of my way.

Most people only want to be my friend because they don't want to be my enemy. I don't give a crap. There are very few people that I care about or trust among these individuals. My limbs are still humming with the beating I just gave Johnny—and with my anticipation to see Megan. Calm and collected just is not working for me right now.

The kitchen is filled with people drinking beer, wine, and some pink shit San made. At the table, Louie, Ronnie, and Vito are playing poker with some other kids from school. Maria is standing over Vito's shoulder, watching with her cousin Dino. What the fuck is he doing here?

Maria squeals, "Tony!" and rushes over to hug me. Over her shoulder I see Alessandra by the refrigerator mixing drinks. Standing next to her helping is a sight that makes my knees weak—long waves of red hair spilling over her shoulders. She turns with a tray of drinks in her hands and my heart stops. Megan looks fuckin' gorgeous!

Maria still has her arms around me, but I am immobilized. I don't even notice that Maria is talking to me.

"Tony, dance with me?" she whines. She's clutching the front of my shirt now. I barely register what she's saying because I'm too busy watching Megan walk away with Dino close behind her.

I pull Maria's hands off me. "Can't," without even glancing down at her. The only person I can look at is Megan and the beauty of her form and grace. Maria storms away.

Vito shakes me. I notice he's standing next to me now. "Where the fuck have you been? San and I are trying to keep Dino off her. San asked Red to help out just so we could keep an eye on her. Go make a move, paesan. I'm exhausted and about three seconds away from wailing on Dino."

I nod and enter the living room to see Megan passing out drinks while Dino tries to talk to her. She seems to be politely trying to ignore him. That's how I feel she acts with me. I silently pray I don't get shot down.

Megan finishes passing out drinks and heads to the kitchen. I block her path.

"Hi." I step in front of her.

"Hi," she squeaks and moves to step around me.

I reach out and gently touch her arm to stop her. My heart's racing at the touch of her skin. She looks down where I've touched her and gets a panicked expression. Is it fear? Just as I'm about to say something else, Dickie Saco comes up to me.

"Hey, Tonio, how about those Red Sox?" I swing my head at him and my anger goes from zero to sixty. I'm so pissed that this little fuckin' weasel is bothering me when I'm trying to talk to Megan. Every time I see this guy, he wants be my friend. He's the biggest fucking empty suit! Get a life!

"I don't fuckin' know! Who the fuck cares?" my voice booms as I glare at him. A couple of people turn around to stare at me. Dickie shrinks back and Megan scurries away. Fanabola! I roughly scrub my hands down my face, trying to get a hold of myself. I notice that there is a wide open area around me. The dancers have shifted away.

Dino is leaning against the wall in the kitchen watching Megan. Louie calls out to me, "Hey, Tonio, how about a game?"

"Nah, I don't feel like it right now," I say. Alessandra is talking to Megan. They are deep in conversation by the refrigerator again. What the fuck are they talking about?

I step closer. "So he likes college?" San asks.

"Yeah. He's hasn't said too much. It's probably a really big adjustment and it just started," Megan replies.

They're talking about the chooch, Troy. Marrone! That really doesn't help my attempt to calm the fuck down.

This night is not turning out the way I was hoping. I wanted to show her she doesn't have to be scared of me. I want her so bad. All of the bottled up, repressed feelings over the years coupled with the adrenaline of today's beating consume me. I shake my head in frustration and disgust. I slip outside for a cigarette. Maria must have seen me leave because she snaps up right in front of me.

"What's the matter, Tony?" she asks.

"Nothing," I tell her.

She sidles up to me and wraps her arms around my waist.

"You wanna have some fun?" she asks suggestively.

"Maria... I just want to be alone right now." I push her away. I don't know what else to say. This girl just doesn't take a hint. My phone buzzes with a text message.

Alessandra: Where did u go?

Tonio: Outside 2 smoke. Send someone out for Maria. NOW!

"Who's that?" she asks, gesturing to my phone.

"Alessandra." Vito comes outside.

"Maria, come on. Let's go have a drink." He takes her hand and she follows him inside.

My phone buzzes again.

Alessandra: I'm gonna bring Megan out there. Don't fuckin' scare her away!

I laugh at the stupidity of this night. It's like friggin' middle school all over again. I hear the door open. Alessandra is talking. "My parents put this deck on the house last year."

The screen door opens. Alessandra and Megan are standing in front of me. Megan gasps a little. That can't be good.

"Megan, why don't you keep Tonio company? I have to get back in the house." San immediately leaves. Megan stiffens. I need to come up with something to say, fast.

"How was the first week of school?" I ask. Whew! That came out easy and normal sounding.

"Okay..." A long pause fills the awkward air around us. "How come you weren't there?" She noticed I wasn't in school—that's a good sign.

"I had some stuff to do for my dad," I tell her.

"What kind of stuff?" she wonders.

I'm taken aback by her question. No one ever asks me that. Once I say I had to do something for my dad, the conversation is generally over. No one pushes for more information.

"Work stuff." The front of her blouse dips down just enough for me to see the swell of her breasts. I subconsciously lick my lips again. My stalker is back. Red is such a killer color on her. Her hair is different tonight—the waves are like zig-zags. I want to reach out and touch her hair, but I'm afraid she'll run away like an abandoned kitten.

"I saw you the other day," I continue. Why am I bringing that up?

"I saw you too," she confides.

"You looked beautiful..." I take a step closer, but she takes a step back. "But there was something I didn't like about it." I move a little closer. Are you stupid, Antonio? You're going to frighten her away again!

She doesn't step back again as I move closer. I notice her breathing getting heavier. Her lips are glossy. Warning bells are going off in my head that I'm pushing too much. But I can't stop myself—I feel drawn to her. I lean down and whisper in her ear. Her breath hitches and her eyes close. "I didn't like that it wasn't me playing in the water with you."

She squints her eyes, and I know I'm nearing a line I shouldn't cross. I move my face back slightly and look at hers.

"Do you even know how gorgeous you are?" I move my hand to cup her face. I brush my hand down the side of her cheek. It's so soft—softer than I ever could have imagined. I want to kiss her. And I do, just like I did in church. I trail my lips against her velvety cheek.

The door opening jolts us. Dino comes out and his eyes narrow at me when he sees us. What the fuck, dude? Go away! Go to college already!

"Megan, do you want something to eat? Alessandra just put out some pasta." The douche talks directly to her.

"No, thank you," she says in a low voice. She clears her throat. "I'm all set." I don't move away from her. Her breathing is raspy. Hopefully, asshole will get the hint to leave us alone. I don't give a shit that Dino's still standing here.

He finally shakes his head and goes back into the house. I whisper in her ear again. "I've wanted to be this close to you for a long time." I continue to brush my lips across her cheek and down her scrumptious neck. I hear a faint moan in the back of her throat. My fuckin' heart is pumping like the engine of a train. I better quit smoking or she's going to give me a heart attack. I search her eyes.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I feel her freeze beneath my gaze. "I promise it'll be okay." My voice is still low. She doesn't answer right away.

"I came here with Raven." She pauses, thinking. "I need to tell her."

"Let's go find her." I lightly take her hand and lead her back into the house. I can tell she's uncertain at first, but she eventually gives in.

The poker game has broken up, but the music is still on. The house seems to have cooled down. People are mellowing out now. When we get to the living room, a few people are dancing; everyone else is coupled off into their own world. I find Vito making out with Maria on the floor. I kick his outstretched leg.

"Hey, Vito, have you seen Raven?" He breaks away from Maria and she looks at me. Then she drops her gaze and stares at my hand—the one holding Megan's. Jealous sparks ignite in her eyes.

"Yeah." He points to a dark corner. "Over there."

Megan and I walk over. She's making out with Louie. I look at Megan, and her face is flushed. So I do the honors. I tap Louie. He pulls away from a very glowing Raven.

"Raven, I'm going to take Megan home."

She just nods her head. I take that as she understands. I get my keys out of my pocket and lead Megan to my car.

Chapter 10

Paesan (pie-zan): friend

Megan

Antonio is holding my hand as we walk to his Camaro. I'm still reeling from his whispers. I have circling butterflies in my stomach. I'm not sure if they're there because I'm excited or because I'm terrified. My feet stop and I hesitate. I think about what my father said. Antonio notices my apprehension.

"Hey, don't worry." He leans toward me again with his smoldering brown eyes. "It'll be okay. Trust me." And for some incomprehensible reason I follow him, even after everyone has told me not to.

He opens the car door for me, and I slide in. The car still smells new. The black leather seats are shiny. It's an awesome car. Well, every car is awesome to me because I don't have one, but still. Antonio slips in and starts the engine. He's grinning from ear to ear. He asks me, "You all right?"

"Yes, thank you," I say shyly. He looks unbelievable. I've never seen him smile so wholly before.

"I want to show you something."

"Okay."

Antonio drives out of town. I'm thankful—I don't want anyone to see us. We're silent for a long time. I stare out the window because he keeps glancing at me while he's driving and it's making me feel uncomfortable and exposed.

"You want to listen to some music?" Antonio flips on the radio to a Top 40 station. His hand moves to my lap. He takes my hand into his and places our intertwined hands on the armrest. My nervousness spikes. He looks at me as if to ask, Is this okay? It is, and I don't move my hand an inch. Antonio's hand is huge and dark.

He must have observed the same thing. "Wow, your hand is tiny." I blush. I'm so nervous. I feel like I'm being naughty. I'm going against my father's wishes, and I feel disobedient—but my rebellion is warranted. Antonio makes me feel like I never have before. He's beautiful, amazing, strong, and powerful. He can command a room just by walking into it.

I bet it's rare that someone sees him this way—caring, controlled.

He pulls into a park-like area I have never been before. It overlooks the river. The lights from a nearby bridge reflect off the water. He stops the car and we get out. Antonio takes my hand, and we walk toward the river. The rippling noise of the water is serene.

We go and stand in front of the wrought iron railing. The view from here is stunning. Antonio's arms corral me in front of him. "Megan," he whispers near my neck. He rubs his nose into my hair. Antonio feels so good. Standing here with him is strange, but pleasant. "I want to... take you somewhere." Really! My eyes snap open. I wasn't expecting that. He doesn't let me answer. "I know you're afraid of me... but I want to show you that you don't have to be." He spins me around to face him. "I'll take you anywhere you want to go." He sounds unsure and hesitant when he admits, "I'd like to spend some time with you."

Antonio Delisi, Jr. wants to spend time with me! I'm so embarrassed at his words. But joy spears me. His brown eyes search mine. He seems uncertain, yet wanting all in the same gaze. My heart sinks when I remember my father's warning. He'd be livid if he knew I was here alone with Antonio.

My phone buzzes with a text, and I shift away a little from Antonio. He still holds onto my waist. His fingertips send shivers up my spine.

Raven: U OK

Megan: Yes

Raven: U still with him?

Megan: Yes

"Is that your friend?" Antonio asks tightly.

"It's Raven, checking on me." I'm still looking at my phone screen, when Antonio comments in a low, seductive voice, "Tell her I'm gonna kiss you."

I don't even have a chance to react, as he crushes his lips to mine, and passion explodes between us. My phone clatters to the ground. My arms wrap around him. His muscled back is heaven under my fingertips. He grips me tighter, lifting me up closer to him. The ache that fills me creates a fog over my brain. Rockets of want shoot through me. Antonio's kisses radiate a kind of cherished feeling that is foreign to me. I'm not sure how long we stand there in each other's arms, acting on emotion that has been bottled up for a decade.

***

On Sunday morning, it feels like I dreamt everything that happened the night before. Antonio was mystifying. I had always been so scared of him that it felt weird to be that close to him. Those emotions melted away when I saw him on the deck alone in the moonlight. His desire was palpable. And when he leaned down to whisper in my ear like he had at church a week ago? That was my undoing.

I was always attracted to him, just like the rest of the females at my school. People move out of the way for him as if he's a ruler of a kingdom. He could be with any girl he wants, yet I've never seen him with anyone other than Alessandra. And it appears that, after last night, he wants me.

When I left him last night, I felt bereft; I wanted to stay with him. But I decided to have Raven pick me up and take me home. I didn't want my parents to see or hear Antonio's Camaro outside the house. I offered to give him my number, but he said he already had it. About five minutes after I got into bed, my phone buzzed with a text from him asking if I got home safely. Warmth spread through my body just thinking about my time with Antonio.

Chapter 11

Andiamo (on-dee-ahmo): Let's go

Megan

"Megan!" my mom yells. "It's time to get ready for church."

Oh yeah. Now I have to play the harp in front of the entire congregation. Why did I agree to this? My hands start sweating immediately. I shower and dress in long black palazzo pants—the ones that look like a dress but are really pants—and a pink chiffon shirt. I hear my dad moving the harp out the door as I head into the kitchen. Mom is holding the door for him. It's a good thing my dad is really strong. The harp is heavy.

"It's a real honor that Father Giovanni asked you to play," my mother says to me like I don't know this.

"Yes, it is."

"You need to do your best for him and for the Lord."

"Yes, Mom."

"I think you should wear your hair up. It looks more respectful than hanging down. You look almost wild. Can't you do something about that?"

"Yes, Mom." I pass Erin on the stairs.

"Where're you going? I thought we were leaving," Erin asks.

"Yeah, well, I have to fix my hair." I'm aggravated. I twist it up in a clip and rush back to the kitchen.

"Ahhh, much better," my mother coos. "Softer. Very nice."

Wow! Praise from my mother!

In front of the church, people are on the steps mingling. My father opens the back of our minivan to get out the harp. I'm just opening my door when I see two people stroll over toward us. The morning sun blinds me.

"Can we help you with that, sir?" one of them asks. I step out on to the curb and it's Antonio and Vito. Holy Crap!

"That would be great, boys, thank you," my dad says very civilly. Antonio smiles at me in his well-fitted charcoal gray suit. My face heats when I think of him kissing me last night. The deliciously tight clenches my stomach made with him so close felt so good. Ugh, it was sooo good. My father starts to give them instructions on how to move and carry the harp. My hands shake as I follow Antonio, Vito, and my father up the big steps to the church entrance.

*****

Antonio

So this is her harp. It's awesome. Vito and I very carefully carry it to the altar. Mr. O'Neill helps us to stand it up just right. Megan and her family sit in one of the first rows. I smile at her as I pass by to go sit farther back with my friends. She looks stunning in pink. My parents are sitting with the Ferrettis on the other side of the church.

Vito and I make the sign of the cross and slip in the pew to sit with Louie and Ronnie.

"So how was last night?" I ask Louie.

He looks at me funny. What the hell are you talking about? is written all over his face.

"Uh, Raven?" I remind him.

"Oh, yeah. She's cool." He begins to add more, but Dino Prazzo slides into the pew right behind us with Maria and some of her other cousins. I hear Dino talking to Glenn Prazzo, a junior at our school.

"Hi, Tony," Maria leans in from behind me.

"Hi, Maria." I don't turn around when I say it back. I look at Vito out of the corner of my eye, and he's rolling his.

Maria doesn't get a chance to say anything more because the organ starts up and we all rise. Dino and Glenn are still whispering. I want to turn around and tell them to shut the hell up when Father Giovanni calls Megan to the altar.

"We have a very special treat during today's Mass. Miss Megan O'Neill is going to play 'Ave Maria' on the harp for us."

Megan gracefully walks to the altar, makes the sign of the cross, and gently slides behind the harp.

Dino comments viciously. "Wow, I'd like to be that harp, sitting between her legs... I'd rather put my face between her..."

I'm moving before I even distinguish my fist colliding with Dino's face. There is an audible gasp from the churchgoers.

"Antonio!" my mother yells.

Vito grabs my arm to stop me from smashing Dino's face a second time. Ronnie blocks me from jumping over the bench. I am lethal. Dino's cousins are shocked. Maria is yelling something to me. Dino's lying on the bench. Ronnie and Vito push me out of the pew. I hear Louie trailing behind, stopping Maria from following. There's loud talking and commotion. Dad is standing at the end of the aisle, looking really pissed. Vito and Ronnie haul me outside.

I take a deep breath. The air feels good. The sun is bright, making me narrow my eyes to slits.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" my father booms from behind us.

The guys let me go and we stand way off to the side of the church.

"I'm talking to you!" my father yells.

"Dino's a fucking prick!" I shout back, not looking at him. He whacks me on the head.

"Watch your mouth! We're at church!" my father scolds. "So..."

"I didn't like what he said," I murmur.

"You just punched someone in church! Your mother's going to be repeating the Hail, Mary for a week! Why did you punch him?"

I don't respond.

"Answer me!" My father's face is red from yelling.

I glance at Vito. Ronnie and Louie are standing back like they're either bodyguards or they're ready to stop me from pummeling others that are here to pray. We hear the organ playing again and some commotion at the door. Dino's cousins are walking him out. My anger flares. I jolt, ready to pound him again. Louie and Ronnie make a wall to stop me.

"Whoa!" Ronnie says. I halt, but watch Dino go to the car. Maria looks over, shakes her head, and follows her cousins. My adrenaline is still spiking.

"Take him over there." My father points to a granite bench. The guys walk me over and I sit down. They're all hovering. My dad sits down beside me. He's calmer.

"Tonio, I need you to tell me what's wrong. I can't fix something if I don't know what it is."

"There's nothing to fix, Pop." I stare straight ahead.

"Then what is it?"

"You aren't going to like what I say."

"Tell me." The guys move away—far away. At first I think it's to give us some privacy. Then I think it's what I am going to tell him, and what they know his response will be.

"Dino said something... disrespectful about Megan." I still stare straight ahead.

"Megan. Megan O'Neill?" he asks. I nod, still not looking at him. He pauses. Then he realizes what I'm saying.

"Fanabola! Tonio! You can have any girl you want!" He scrubs his face with his hands. "Shit!"

"Pop, we're at church," I retort sarcastically, chastising his language.

My mother comes out of the church, stomping toward us in her high heels. "Antonio Rinaldo Delisi, Jr.! What has gotten into you!? You embarrassed me. How dare you? In God's house!" She makes the sign of the cross and looks heavenward. "You are going to go in there and apologize to Father Giovanni!"

"Ma, ummm." I don't know what to say. I know it was wrong, but I just reacted. I didn't think. I don't regret it, but I could have waited till church was over to pound his face in. I'm ashamed of where it happened, but not of what happened.

"He's interested in Megan," my father announces slowly.

"What? What are you talking about, Antonio?" Directing her attention my father. She's still pissed. I'm ready for the blow to the back of my head that I know is coming from my mom.

"You wanted him to be interested in a girl. He is... he's interested in Megan."

She blinks a couple of times. My mother's reaction startles me. She's not mad like my dad. She's happy. She's really happy. In fact, she's beaming at me.

"Oh! Tonio!" She claps her hands and bends down to hug me, her Coach bag trailing on the ground. "Thank God!" She makes the sign of the cross again. "Finally!" With her hands waving, she talks a mile a minute. "She's smart too. She got in early to Notre Dame. And she's talented! You should've heard her play that harp...."

"Yeah, I should've," I say, feeling shameful at the spectacle I made in church. My phone buzzes with a text. Megan: U OK?

My mother's eyes go immediately to my phone. "Is that her?" she squeals. My mother is giddy, like a schoolgirl. "How cute! She wants to know if you're okay!"

I turn to my father. He hangs his head.

"How long has this been going on?" he asks.

"It hasn't. We saw each other at Alessandra's last night. I've liked her for a while, Pop. I just didn't say anything."

"All right..." He pauses for a long time. "I'll talk to her father."

My mother uncharacteristically jumps up and down in her heels. I hope she doesn't twist her ankle. I stand, and she hugs me tightly, the fact that I knocked someone out in church forgotten.

*****

Megan:

I was lucky to get through "Ave Maria" without throwing up. I couldn't get the image of Antonio hitting Dino in church out of my head. It came out of nowhere. I had just settled behind the harp when the room exploded.

Through the entire Mass, I saw a replay in my mind of Antonio spinning around and punching and Dino's head snapping back. I wouldn't be surprised if Dino got whiplash from that. After church, from the backseat of the minivan, I could hear my mother talking to my father about it.

"That kid is no good. He's got the devil in him!" she spews, still fuming. "If he was my boy, I would take him over my knee, then smack a for sale sign on his fancy car." She went on and on. I thought I was going to start crying now that the shock was starting to wear off. "You see now why your father told you to stay away from him?" She swivels in her seat to face me and looks at me, pointedly. When my mother gets going on something, there's no telling when she'll stop. My father says nothing.

My phone buzzes with a text from Antonio:

Antonio: I'm sorry! Can I C U later?

I quickly text back.

Me: Not sure yet

Sweet elation pumps through my veins at the idea of seeing Antonio. He was gorgeous in his Sunday suit this morning. The searing kisses from last night mingle with the visions of his fist flying. I know I should be afraid, but I'm not. I want him. I don't think in my entire life I have wanted anyone this badly. One day I'm running from him; the next day all I want to do is run to him.

My father's cell phone rings while my mother is still going on and on about the horror show at church today. My father's words are short and one word at a time.

"Yes." Pause. "No," he sighs. "No, I didn't know." A long pause. "Okay, this afternoon."

My father hangs up, but not before doing something to his phone. Silence hangs in the air.

"So, what was that about?" my mother asks.

"Antonio Delisi and his son are coming over this afternoon," my father declares with absolutely no emotion.

"What? What does he want?" my mother asks in a panicked voice.

My father does not respond, and my mother knows better than to press further. Erin glances at me, a smile creeping on her face.

***

My mother is a wreck. She races through the house, cleaning in one room, then running into the next, not finishing what she started in the first. She barks orders at Erin and me.

"Erin, put this is your room. Megan, vacuum the stairs." We all work like crazy in a knowing silence. No one talks or asks why the Delisis are coming.

The doorbell rings and all of us stop in our tracks. My mother flattens her skirt while my father answers the door.

"Hello, Patrick." I hear Mr. Delisi from the doorway.

"Hello." My dad invites Antonio and his father in.

They come in the door and Mr. Delisi immediately acknowledges my mother. "Hello." She is mildly cordial.

Antonio steps forward, handing my mother a foil-covered dish. "Hello, Mrs. O'Neill. This is from my mother. It's tiramisu."

"Thank you." Her face is tight.

Antonio smiles at me and winks. I stand just behind my mother. Embarrassed and not sure what to do, I take the plate from my mother and head to the kitchen. As I am just shutting the door to the refrigerator my mother and Erin walk in.

"The gentlemen would like to speak privately," my mother says through pursed lips. Excitement dances through me. Antonio in my living room talking to my dad—I never thought I would see the day.

Erin stands in the doorway to the kitchen off to the side. I see her.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Shhhh... I'm listening."

"Erin," my mother scolds quietly.

But Erin's eyes go wide at what she's hearing. Her hand flies up to cover her mouth. "They're talking about you," she whispers. "Holy crap. Antonio wants to date you." Her face is incredulous. I approach to listen too. My mother stands rooted to the kitchen floor with a scowl.

I lean and take the same position as Erin.

"We had an agreement," my father says. I'm surprised at the tone my father is taking with Mr. Delisi.

"Well, things change, Patrick," he retorts. "My son is asking respectfully if he can spend time with Megan. I did what you asked. Tonio knew very well to stay away from her."

"I understand your concerns, Mr. O'Neill," Antonio offers.

"No, I don't think you do, Antonio." My father's tone is angry. "I didn't want her involved."

Involved in what? My cell phone rings on the kitchen table, startling Erin, my mother, and me. I dive for it. It's Troy.

"Hello," I answer softly.

"Hi, Megan," Troy says quietly. "I just wanted to..."

I cut him off. "Troy, I gotta call you back." I hit end and stand with Erin again. My mother must have turned on the coffee pot because I can smell it brewing. Erin whispers what I missed. "Antonio's father said that Tonio will be very polite and treat you cordially while you're out. And that he personally vouches for his son."

"I need to talk to my daughter." My father stands, breaking Erin and I out of our quiet conversation.

My father enters the kitchen. He looks to my mother. "Will you and Erin please see to our guests? I need to speak with Megan."

My mother passes us with a "Hmmmph," carrying out a pot of coffee and the tiramisu. As soon as Erin and my mother are gone, my father stands in front of me. I have no clue what he is going to say.

"When were you going to tell me?" my father asks.

"What?"

"That you have a thing with Antonio Delisi." He's agitated and points to the living room.

"Dad, I just spent time with him last night."

"I told you not to, Megan!" My father's almost yelling. He never yells. He notices his tenor and takes it down to a lower level.

"It was unavoidable," I tell him, looking at the floor.

My father paces a little. "I knew he was interested in you."

"Huh?"

"I knew, Megan. Anytime we ran into him or saw him he always watched you."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm a father, Megan. It's my job to know." I felt that my father was leaving something out of that statement.

"What about Troy?" my father tacks on.

"He's a friend, Dad."

"Well, I hoped he was something more."

"He's not," I respond.

"Do you like Antonio?"

"Yes," I say, staring at the floor again. Very much!

I'm guessing those aren't the answers my dad is looking for.

"Well. I am going to give you permission to see each other. Hopefully, it will be over before it starts. You're both off to college next September. Please, Megan, be careful. I don't want you to get... hurt." It seems as though hurt has a double meaning in his tone. I quickly nod.

My father and I join everyone in the living room. Antonio beams at me as I walk in the room. We sit down and take the plates my mother offers to us. It becomes uncomfortably quiet. My mother makes small talk with everyone. Erin clears the plates and goes with my mother into the kitchen.

"So," Mr. Delisi questions.

"I'm going to give my permission to Antonio." Antonio's smile brightens, and I think how eighteenth-century this seems. "Please keep her away from... trouble," my father adds.

Mr. Delisi stands and Antonio follows. "I have some business to attend to. Patrick, don't forget to take care of that matter."

"Yes." We all stand, and I wonder what Mr. Delisi is talking about.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," Antonio smiles at me. "Thank you," he says to my dad.

"Bye."

They walk out to Antonio's car. I watch from the front window. I see them talking in the car as Tonio lights up a cigarette, then pulls away. The excitement of having Antonio here in my home is paralyzing. I'm in a daze. No one has ever made me feel this way.

"Patrick!" my mother yells. "What is going on?"

Erin runs up to me. "Meg, I can't believe it. He is so gorgeous!"

I turn to my sister. "When did you become so boy crazy?"

My parents are talking loudly in the kitchen.

"I heard Antonio tell Dad why he punched Dino." She is practically jumping up and down.

"Why?" Now this is something I want to hear.

"He said that Dino made a rude remark about you! So that's why Antonio decked him!"

"Wow..." I'm stunned.

"Megan, can I see you please?" my mother calls.

I find my mother at the kitchen table with her hands folded.

"Sit, please," she orders.

I reach for the back of the chair and pull it out to sit.

"Your father tells me that he has agreed to let Antonio come around, to call on you, if you will." This IS the eighteenth century!

"You realize that Troy would be better for you." My mother draws out his name and gives me a knowing look. "He has the same background as you."

"Troy is my friend."

"Let me make myself clear. I don't trust Antonio Delisi. His family is corrupt and dangerous. We have worked at keeping you and Erin at a distance from them over the years. You need to be wary and careful. Do you understand me?" My mother's tone is harsh and angry. She tries to stay in control, keeping her hands folded.

"I understand. I need to call Troy back."

"Fine."

I swipe my cell phone off the table, and I go to my room in bewilderment. My fingers itch to call Antonio. I wanted to head out the door with him this afternoon, but I knew it wasn't the time. Having him in my house just at an arm's length was bittersweet. It was also formal and awkward, but I try to forget about that part of it.

Troy answers on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, college guy. How's it going?"

"He was there, wasn't he?"

I'm shocked at his question.

"What? Who?"

"That guy."

"Troy, what is going on with you?" Now talking to Troy felt awkward. We've always been so close. Where is this coming from?

"Just answer me, Megan. That fuckin' guy was there."

I suck in a breath through my teeth.

"Yeah, he was. What's it—" I'm angry, but I catch myself. I don't want to go into this again. I try to switch subjects back. "How is the dorm? Are you close to the cafeteria?"

"What's his name?" Troy's tone gets louder.

"Uh... Antonio."

"Holy shit! Megan! That was Delisi, wasn't it? The guy watching us was a Delisi?"

"How do you know the Delisis?" I ask.

"I'm not stupid, Megan. I may not live in the same town as you, but I live in the same state. Don't you think our parents talk too? I'm not living under a rock."

I'm not sure where this conversation is going, but I don't like it. I'm still trying to process the past eight hours, and then I get this crap from Troy, my best friend.

"Are you going to tell me about school or are you going to keep this up?" I'm getting mad.

"I gotta go." His voice is hurt. This whole thing is so unlike him. "I'm going out with a bunch of guys from the dorm. See ya."

He hangs up. Again!

Chapter 12

Stai zitto (sta te zeet): SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Antonio

I've always hated school. I have to put up with the phony kids who try to be my friends, the made-up bleached blondes that hang on me, and the teachers who can barely look me in the eye. Don't get me wrong; years ago I took some Barbies up on their offers and used my position to influence some grades. I didn't do it for long. It just didn't feel right. I stay pretty low key at school now. Most people stay away from me anyway.

I park next to Vito's Caddy. I scan the parking lot and benches, looking for Megan. Raven's little blue car is a few parking spots down.

I slam my door and Vito comes up to me.

"What happened yesterday?" he asks, smirking. "You talk to her dad?"

"Yup."

"What did he say?"

"He said yes."

"You are shitting me! Even after you kicked Dino's ass in church?"

"Yup."

"Dude, that's awesome!"

My mind is racing about what I'm going to say to Megan today. Today is the first day of Auto Mechanics and Megan is in my class, so I can talk to her then. Also, I know where Megan's locker is—I've known since freshman year. Now I can actually drop by there and say hi to her. I head there with a purpose. I have this insane urge to let everyone know that she's mine. My stalker is back.

Megan slams her locker and hikes her bag over her shoulder. She smiles when she sees me coming. I take that as a good sign.

"Hi." She's blushing. Her hair is hanging straight down her back.

"Hi." There is an awkward pause. We lock eyes and both kind of laugh. What the fuck is happening to me?

"What class do you have first?" I finally ask.

"Home Ec."

I don't even give myself a chance to think. I take her hand in mine and lead her down the hall to her classroom. The hallway is still full. Some people rush out of the way when they see me coming. Others stare from the outskirts near their lockers. Their eyes travel to my hand wrapped around Megan's. The hallway is unnaturally quiet as we get to her classroom. It's a short walk.

"What class do you have?" Megan asks.

"English."

"You're going to be late. That's the other side of the school..." She trails off.

I roll my eyes and shrug, and she lets out a small giggle. It's fuckin' adorable.

"Thanks for the dessert yesterday," she adds.

"Don't thank me—thank my mom." I catch sight of the clock. I really should get to class sooner or later, or I'll be in deep shit with Ma. Then again, she probably wouldn't care about a bad grade if it was over a girl.

I don't have any time or patience left, so I ask her. "Can you go out Saturday?"

"Ummm, yeah, I guess. I don't have any plans." She watches me. "That was pretty brave coming over and talking to my dad. It was actually pretty... awkward."

I stop short in front of Home Ec. "What are you saying?" Does she not want to go out?! Shit!

"Nothing. Just that it was weird. Nowadays, guys don't usually ask a girl's parents to take her on a date."

"My father wasn't for us dating at first. He said he wanted to talk to your dad." I was starting to get an eerie feeling. "Do you not want to go out Saturday?"

"No!" she says, a little too obvious with her answer. She blushes again. "No, it's not that... I would love to go."

I try not smirk at her admission. I let her hand go and brush my fingers across her cheek. She visibly shudders.

"Good," I am relieved. "See you next class." I smile at her and turn to head for English. Whew! I have her all to myself Saturday!

I make my way down the hall to English. Vito and I slip into two desks all the way at the back of the classroom. Mr. Treat, what a fucked up name, comes into the room carrying English anthologies.

"So..." Vito says.

"So what?"

"When are you takin' her out?" Vito asks.

"Saturday."

"What's your 'big plan' with Red?" He air quotes his words.

I plan to blow her fuckin' mind with the plans I have. I don't want to tell Vito because:

  1. He has a big mouth with the guys.

  2. He's going to know I have it bad.

"I'll tell you about it on Sunday."

"What!?" Vito's voice raises and Mr. Treat sends us a warning glance. We could talk all class if we wanted. He just wants us to be quiet. I'm feeling generous today because I have a date and a class with Megan, so I don't send the warning glance back to him.

I show up outside her door at Home Ec to walk with her to Auto Mechanics. Vito is with me. She looks stunned when she walks out of the classroom.

"Uh, hi." She seems surprised to see me.

"Hey, Red," Vito pipes up. I shoot him a look. Why the hell is he using a nickname for my girl? Whatever! He has been referring to her as Red since forever.

"Hi," she says again.

"Come on." I grab her hand and the three of us walk down the hall. Vito makes playful jabs at Dickie, the empty suit. Dickie loves every minute of it. He wants to hang with me and my friends so badly. He's such a freakin' poser. He probably would have pissed his pants the other night when we got jumped. He doesn't have the heart to run with us.

"Hey, you hear about Johnny Nero?" Dickie asks Vito. My adrenaline spikes at Johnny's name. I spin myself toward him, pulling Megan with me. He sends a leery gaze at Megan like he doesn't want to say it in front of her. I get the message. I continue to lead her to class. Vito will fill me in later.

We enter the classroom. I lead us to the back black-topped tables.

"Is this okay?" I ask her.

"Sure." She puts her stuff down and sits on the gray stool. The classroom smells of oil and metal. She seems nervous.

"I'm gonna pick you up early Saturday."

"Where are we going?" she asks eagerly.

"It's a surprise." As soon as the words are out of my mouth, Maria comes bouncing in the room, headed for the teacher's desk. I groan inwardly. I watch her give the teacher an add slip. Fanabola! Maria turns and starts waving to me frantically. I catch Megan out of the corner of my eye, appraising me.

"Friend?" she asks.

"Not really," I answer, as Megan appears aggravated now.

Vito sits on a stool at the table next to ours. He gives me a knowing look. Maria bounces down the aisle toward Vito. My elation of having a class with Megan is quashed as Maria and her stiletto heels clunk down onto the stool beside him.

"You are going to be broken up into groups of four," the teacher, Mr. DeRobbio, announces. "This will be your group for projects. This is a hands-on class."

Vito chuckles and waggles his eyebrows at Maria. Mr. DeRobbio casts him a warning look and continues. "Today, we are going to break down into our groups and do an activity."

"I can think of a few activities." Vito smirks.

Maria slaps him on the arm, giggling. "Stop it!" she squeals.

Kids in the class chuckle along. The teacher definitely heard Vito this time, but he won't say anything.

"Break up into groups of four. Choose wisely." As Mr. DeRobbio says this, he gives a pointed glance at Megan. Vito immediately stands up and drags his stool toward Megan and me. Maria watches. Vinny Maranzano's kid, Joey, comes over too.

"Hey, Tonio. Can I be in your group?"

"Sure, man."

"Me too," Maria says, moving toward me.

"Uh, Maria. This group is full." Is she stupid? We have four. Megan's face goes pink. Maria eyes her up and down.

"What about me?" Maria whines. "Who am I going to go with?" Her face scrunches up, and she folds her arms across her chest in a pout. Like I need this fuckin' drama. What am I, the freakin' organizer? I know she's not going to stop, so I call over Alessandra's friend, Sophia.

"Maria needs a group." It's all I have to say.

"Come on, Maria," Sophia walks Maria over to her group. She already has four people. Sophia shoves out some kid I don't know. The kid gets up and walks to another group. I can tell that Maria is seething as she stares at me from across the room.

I don't get to talk much to Megan. Well, I do, but not in the way I'd like to be talking to her. I want to learn every little thing about her Instead, we talk about labeling the diagram of a car. And we only have five minutes for that before Mr. DeRobbio starts lecturing.

Sitting next to Megan is distracting. I have no fucking clue what the teacher is talking about. I want to reach out and stroke her hair then rub the pad of my thumb across her pink lips.

DING DING! Thank God—the bell rings. I wait for Megan to pack up her stuff.

"What do you have now?" I ask her.

"English."

"Hey, is Louie in your class?" I wonder.

"Yeah, history too. He seems to be in my classes every year," Megan adds as I take her hand. I see a slight flush rise to her cheeks. I feel a stab of jealousy.

The hallway is loud and bustling. More gawks follow us as we walk. I peer down at Megan. Her face is smooth, with a smattering of pinkish freckles. I have to keep myself from shoving her into an empty classroom and kissing every freckle on her face. The more I spend time with her the more breathtaking I find her. I'm in deep shit!

I haven't stopped thinking about the other night. I walk hand in hand with Megan and my hard-on-inducing thoughts when a young girl comes up to us. It's Megan's sister. The flaming red hair is a dead giveaway.

"Hi!" She bounces on her toes.

I see Megan roll her eyes.

"How's the start of freshman year going?" Megan asks her.

"Great! So far my classes are a breeze." Megan's sister is stealing glances at me and grinning.

"Hi," I say to her because she's just staring at me.

"Hi." she giggles.

Out of what seems like nowhere, Vito pops up.

"Hey, dude." I turn to him. He doesn't say anything; he just flanks my right side. I shrug off his non-reaction and my attention goes back to Megan and her sister.

"Okay... see you later, Erin," Megan says as we watch her sister walk away with lively steps. "Sorry. My sister is a little excited."

"About what?" I ask.

"About you."

"Me? Why?"

Megan flips her hand against her forehead in an exaggerated motion. "Antonio Delisi asked you out! Oh. My. God!"

I chuckle at her imitation of her little sister. Vito snorts and walks away.

Megan's animated expression makes me laugh harder. She is so sweet and smart. This is the most relaxed I have seen her, except when she was with that chooch. My hand clenches into a fist at my side, remembering her carefree smiles in his arms.

Alessandra calls out to me, "Tonio! Wait up." Both Megan and I turn as San bounds over to us.

"Hi, Megan," she greets us with a big smile. Then she whispers to me. "Did you hear about Johnny Nero?"

I don't know what is going on, but from the way people are mentioning his name this morning, I doubt it is anything good. He still owes my dad five hundred in juice money. I give her a look and shake my head slightly giving her the message, not now.

Alessandra is one of my smarter friends, and she catches on right away. Just like she caught on to how I feel about Megan.

San eyes us curiously. Her appraising stance seems to flush out all our secrets.

"Megan, some of my friends and I are going to the mall on Saturday. Do you want to come?"

Megan's face is shocked at the offer, but she says, "Antonio and I are going out that day."

"Wow, great! Have fun! Well, I have to get to History. Bye."

I roll my eyes at San's trick and walk with Megan to her English class.

*****

The rest of the day flies by. I soon am standing by my car smoking, watching Megan and Erin walking down the sidewalk. Raven is sitting in her car nearby, probably waiting for them. Megan sees me and smiles, and her sister whispers something to her.

"Can I give you a lift?" I ask as they approach.

"Um, well..." Megan is unsure.

"Oh please, Meg?" Erin begs. "I've never been in such a nice car, please?"

"Let me go talk to Raven," she says, looking torn.

She's back in a minute, and Raven's car leaves the parking lot. Erin is jumping up and down and giggling. I'm not used to giggling little red-headed girls.

I open the passenger door for Megan, and Erin is giddy. I shut her door for her, trying to ignore her sister squirming in the backseat. Ugh, kids!

When I get in the car, Megan is scolding Erin to sit still.

"How fast does this go, Tonio?" Erin asks.

"Buckle up," I tell her and rev the engine. She squeals. We pull out of the lot, passing Vito and his Caddy. I wave. He doesn't wave back, but I see him staring into the backseat of my car. When we reach the main road, I gun it. Erin squeals even more in delight. Megan clutches the door handle and armrest.

"This is so cool!" Erin shrieks.

The drive to their house is shortened by my speeding. As I park, I regret not drawing out my time with Megan.

"Thanks for the ride, Tonio. That was awesome!" Erin clambers out of the car.

"You okay?" I ask Megan.

"Oh, yeah, much better now that you aren't risking my little sister's life," she admits sarcastically.

"It wasn't that bad," I tell her.

"Uh-huh."

I reach out, slide her hand off the armrest, and bring it to my lips to kiss it. Her face is surprised and inviting. I lean in to kiss her sweet lips. I breathe in a scent of cherries. I wonder if it's her lip gloss or something. Megan leans in closer to me to deepen the kiss. It takes an effort, but I restrain myself from reclining the seat and covering her with my body. Reluctantly, she finally pulls away.

"My mother may be watching. I should go. Thanks for the ride, though." She's flushed pink. I jump out of the car, wanting to be a gentleman and open her door. After she gets out, we stand facing each other, and she lightly kisses my cheek.

"Bye."

"Bye."

I only have a couple of hours before the meeting tonight. Thoughts of Megan swirl around in my head. I can't wait to take her out on Saturday. It's been a long time since I felt this kind of stirring anticipation.

When I get back home, I swing my car into the driveway and see my dad and Donny talking by the side door. My father motions me over.

"Eh, Tonio, good day today?"

"Yeah, Pop."

"Donny and I wanted to tell you... don't worry about Johnny anymore." He clasps my shoulder. "We're all set."

"Why?"

"You don't need to think about it. Johnny's been clipped."

"You take care of him, Donny?" I ask. I knew all the talk of Johnny today had to be that he was dead, but the initial words from my dad send a nasty jolt through me.

"Nah, I don't do that. Yous know that. Now, about those other chooches from last week. We gotta collect. We're leaving after the meeting."

I turn to Pop, Johnny's death already pushed to the back of my mind. "What about school?" I really don't give a fuck about school. I'm more pissed about not seeing Megan in class.

My pop pats my cheek. "You're a smart boy. You'll be fine."

*****

I arrive at the meeting at Gino's. Everyone is gathered around the table. I sit down next to my dad.

I spot Dino down at the other end of the table. The skin around his eye is swollen with a blackish tint. He stares at me. I glare back at him. My blood boils just thinking about what an asshole he is. Pop starts speaking.

"Sommersville is not playing by the rules. Their crews have been spotted around town. My Tonio and some of your own sons were jumped last week."

"Eh, what the fuck is their problem?" Mr. Maranzano asks. The room is quiet while everyone waits for an explanation.

"We're not sure. Donny is looking into it." Pop motions for Donny to speak as he reaches for his wine glass.

"Sommersville is getting too close," Donny starts. "They're showing up all over. Shit was stolen out of the chemical warehouse by the docks."

Shit! Sommersville is getting ballsy. My friends and I getting jumped, a break-in... Fuck!

Zing-thwack! Donny clasps his side and hits the table, sending papers soaring and wine flinging like droplets of blood. Pinging sounds ring out. Without thought, my body leaves my seat and connects with my dad's, hurling him to the hard floor. Chaos erupts. I feel his gun against my side under his suit jacket. I reach for it. In a split second, I quickly crawl across the floor holding the piece in my hand, adrenaline surging.

I move toward the window where the shots are coming from. On my way, I pass Donny.

"You all right?" I ask under my breath.

"I'm okay, Tonio," Donny rasps. "Get those fuckers..." he winces out. I don't think, I move.

At the window, I crouch. Mr. Maranzano and Mr. Ferretti huddle on the carpet, already popping up in succession to exchange shots with the intruders. Others at the meeting are lying low. Red fills up my field of vision; it's not blood I see, but rage.

"I'm going outside," I murmur to them. I check the clip and scurry across the floor to the back door. I find Dino lying flat on the floor of the kitchen as I make my way through. Fuckin' pansy!

From low down, I push the back door slowly, making sure no one is there. There's no one in sight. I knew these assholes wouldn't get out of their cars. Never lifting myself higher than a door knob, I sneak around the building, constantly searching and scanning for attackers. I see a black Escalade with bullet marks in the sides. Its windows are lowered only to slits—clearly bulletproof glass.

The shots coming from the restaurant are doing nothing but making plinking noises and webbed cracks. The only way to puncture through is with a long succession of shots in one spot.

I get up close to the edge of the rear bumper and peer through the darkened glass. They are so fuckin' stupid. No one is watching behind them. Four people are smashed up to the windows facing the restaurant. I only have a few more seconds before these fuckers drive away.

As low as I can get, I point my gun close to the glass and fire six shots firm and fast in the same spot. I don't dwell on the fact that one of the bullets could ricochet and hit me. The fifth bullet penetrates and the sixth one flies. The car jerks forward as the driver stamps on the accelerator. Instead of gunshots, the noise of screeching tires fills the air. The smell of burnt rubber assails me.

Chapter 13

Fanabola (fa na bowl a): Shit!

Megan

My instincts were right. My mother was watching me from the window of our living room. When I walk in, she goes surprisingly easy on me. She only asks about my day.

While I'm getting ready for bed, my phone buzzes on my nightstand. I flutter a moment, hoping it's Antonio. It's only been since after school that I've seen and talked to him, but I sort of miss him. Is that possible? I mean, it's only been a few days since we started seeing each other. Can someone really grow on you that much, that quickly? I look at the screen, and my heart falls a little. It's not Antonio—it's Troy, calling me again.

"Hey, Troy!" I push some extra exuberance into my voice. After our last few conversations, our relationship has become very strained.

"Hey, Meggie!" Troy laughs. "Meggie, Meggie."

This doesn't sound like Troy at all. I'm immediately on alert.

"Troy, you okay?" Concern fills my voice.

"I am great. Fab-u-lous-es." Fabulous is completely slurred. This is so not like Troy.

"Have you been drinking? Are you okay?" I panic a little. "Troy?"

He doesn't speak. "Troy?" I try again.

"Hmmm?"

"What is going on?"

"I'm missing my girl." His voice drops. He sounds depressed.

"What girl?"

"Have you always been this stupid? Or is it just 'cause you're hanging with Delisi?" He sounds mad.

"What?!"

"Are you still my best friend?" he asks, sounding sobered.

"Of course."

"Will you still be my best friend after I tell you this?" Troy asks quietly.

"Tell me what?"

"Answer me." His tone is firm. Before I can say anything, he blurts out, "Do you have fun with me?"

"That's a question, Troy, and you know the answer. Come on, what's wrong?"

"I thought... I thought..." I lose him again to the alcohol. "I thought... I was gonna marry you," he drives out of his mouth.

My body stiffens from his declaration, and I'm forced into a surprised silence.

"Ummm."

I don't know how to respond. Troy and I always had a gentle understanding. We are friends, best friends. Nothing more. His words shock me. Upsetting him while he's drunk is the last thing I want to do. The silence between us lengthens. I can hear people laughing in the background over his cell phone. A girl screams and snickers in the din.

"Troy?" He doesn't answer right away.

"I gotta go. There are people here," he slurs, and the phone clicks off. Sitting on my bed, I stare at the wall. How did my life change so quickly? Troy's words replay in my mind. I thought I was gonna marry you.

I'm not sure how long I stared at the wall because, when I open my eyes, the first thing I see is my ceiling. I must have fallen asleep. My phone buzzes with a text. A lump forms in my throat. But it isn't from Troy, it's from Antonio.

Antonio: Have to do some stuff for a few days, so won't be at school. Can't wait for Saturday! I will miss u.

His words about missing me stir feelings I have never felt before. I miss him too. I'm giddy and sad at the same time. I'm happy he will miss me, but depressed that I won't see him for a couple of days. Those four little words mean more to me than Troy's confession and a part of me despises myself for it. I'm falling too hard and too fast. The butterfly is back in my stomach, flying in happy circles. I text him back.

Me: Okay. I'll miss u 2

*****

Raven picks me up for school, and Erin catches a ride with us. For this ride, Erin isn't bouncing in her seat like she was in Antonio's car. Thinking his name causes a pang in my chest.

Walking down the hallways is odd. I have done it for the past three years, but now I feel differently about my normal routine. The time with Antonio walking with me and being in Auto Mechanics class with me changed something. Now, something feels like it's missing.

I comfort myself by realizing that I actually enjoy the anticipation of seeing him and just being with him. He has been a perfect gentleman.

Heck, even Vito is starting to grow on me. Louie talks to me in all my classes now. He's really a nice guy.

There are other changes, too. People I don't even know say hello as they pass me in the hall. Maria obviously is not happy about me spending time with Antonio. She's constantly trying to get his attention. She stands in front of me to talk to Antonio. But then again, Maria always seems to interrupt conversations to put in her two cents. It's annoying! Antonio always dismisses her forward advances, thank goodness. I can't help but wonder if they had something going on before me.

"Hey, Red!" Vito sits down next to me in Auto Mechanics class where Antonio usually sits.

"Hi," I say back. I see Maria coming down the aisle between the black-topped desks. A frown mars her features. If my mother saw that face, she would say that she better watch out or her face might freeze that way.

There is something about Maria. I just don't like her.

Vito stiffens next to me.

"Who am I gonna sit with?" Maria complains as she runs her fingers through her long, black hair.

Vito regards her holding back something, and I'm guessing it wouldn't be nice whatever words that were going to come out of his mouth. Maria sits at the vacant table on a stool with a huff. I roll my eyes at her grumbling.

"How's Tony, Vito?" Maria calls to him. "I heard last night was brutal."

Vito glances at Maria across the aisle, giving her a severe warning. Maria doesn't take the hint and I don't want her to. What happened last night? Worry and wonder creep into my chest, followed by sharp panic.

"Is it true that they shot up the entire restaurant?"

My panic shoots up to alarm.

Vito's eyes shine with feral anger. A low tone rumbles out of him. "Shut the fuck up, Maria." Obviously, Vito was told not to mention whatever happened to me.

Finally finding my voice, I ask, "What happened?"

Vito's expression softens. "Everything is fine."

Maria hmmphed. "That's not what I heard."

I grab my phone and hold it under the table. I quickly text Antonio.

Me: R U OK? I heard there was shooting last night!!!

Antonio: Who told U?

Antonio didn't answer the question. He didn't have to—just having a text from him told me he was okay.

Megan: Maria

Antonio: Don't worry. And don't listen to Maria. I still miss U.

Megan: Me 2

My scalp prickles as I read his words: Don't worry. Everyone always worries when someone says that. I just don't know how worried I need to be.

*****

Antonio

I am rip shit mad. Maria is going to fuck this up with Megan. This guy I'm waiting for is going to find his day much more unlucky than he thought. Red clouds my vision as I sit in my car, waiting. I'm still pissed about last night. Donny getting shot. The whole freakin' frittata at the restaurant. It irks me. Who knows how long I'll have to fill in for Donny. My mind is off. I just want to spend time with Megan, and this loser asshole is keeping me from her.

My phone buzzes. It's Pop.

"Yeah," I say into the phone.

"Tonio, forgetta abou' this guy. The cleaner's comin'. I changed my mind. His three large ain't worth the jerk-off he's been givin' me. Get out of there."

"'Kay, Pop." Part of me wishes I was the cleaner because I really feel like killing someone right now. I crush the gas pedal to the floor of my car and speed away.

I head home, glad I don't have to spend another night in a hotel. Randy's Liquors is right down the street from my house. I grab a six-pack. Randy never cards me and never refuses to sell to me. One of the perks of being me.

I punch the tab on my beer can back and lie down on the couch in our living room, trying to calm the fuck down.

"Eh!" My mother is standing behind the couch, "what are you doing here?"

"Dad called the cleaner in, so I'm done for the day."

"Johnny Nero's funeral is tomorrow. You goin'?"

"Yeah, then I have some stuff to do for Dad."

Mom doesn't say anything else. She just walks away. If I sit and really think about things, everything seems so fucked up. I'm going to the funeral of a guy who I beat up and that my father had killed. I need to do what my dad always says, Don't think, just do.

Megan gets out of school in a half an hour. I find myself off the couch and sitting in front of the school waiting for her. Finally, I'm calming down. I spot her walking out the door with Raven and Erin. Louie is next to Raven, talking to her. Erin sees me first because she points to my car and shakes Megan's arm. Megan's entire face lights up and a smile plays across her lips when she sees me. My chest stirs with contentment.

She walks toward me, and I lean against my car, watching her beauty. It's like my vision is a tunnel. All the shapes around her are blurred—her face is the only thing I see clearly. As soon as she is within arm's reach, I lean out and pull her to me. I wrap my arms around her then lean down and kiss her. She eagerly wraps her hands around me too. My anger fades as I hold her. She is so calming. All I need in life is this girl.

"What are you doing here?" I loosen my hold, but I don't let go.

"I finished early. I thought I could take you home."

Megan turns to her sister. "You coming with us?"

"No, I'm going to Connor's tonight."

Megan's face has a hard-to-read expression—a little sad maybe. I don't know what to think. I can take her sister too; I don't mind. Raven and Louie are in their own world. They say their goodbyes and walk toward Louie's car.

A minivan rolls to stop in front of my car. A kid gets out.

"Connor!" Erin squeals and walks right up to him.

The window of the van opens and a woman, definitely not Italian, calls Megan over. Possessiveness overtakes me, and I walk to the van with her, never letting go of her hand. The lady in the van just looks me up and down, sizing me up.

"Hi, Mrs. O'Connell," Megan is congenial.

"Hi, Megan," the lady returns with a curt tone. "Tell your mom that I'll be dropping Erin back at your house about seven."

"Okay," Megan replies a little too brightly.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Mrs. O'Connell drags the question out like the words hurt. My eyes automatically narrow.

I gently reach my hand through the open window and say with a polite smile, "Hi, I'm Antonio... her boyfriend."

Mrs. O'Connell sucks in a breath through her teeth and plasters on a fake sharp smile. "Nice to meet you." Only an idiot would believe she means it. Medigans all look at me the same way—with disgust.

I see Vito out of the corner of my eye taking in the whole scene. Megan and I back away from the van as Erin and the kid get in. Vito is still staring, but he isn't looking at me or Megan. He watches the van door close.

Megan and I decide to go to the dock and hang out. Well, I convinced her that that's what we should do since we don't have to take her sister home and since it's a gorgeous day. We haven't been there since the night of Alessandra's party. The sunlight on Megan's hair makes it glow different shades of red. I brush my hands along the back of her neck. Soft curls and tender skin meet my touch. I want to stand there, touching her, kissing her, for the rest of the day and night.

There is something about her. Something that I can't explain. Being with her is like having a blanket of sweetness and warmth thrown over me.

Megan breaks away from our kiss. "I have to ask you something, but I don't think you'll tell me."

"What?" I ask, concerned.

"What happened last night? Why weren't you in school?..." She pauses. "Where did you go?"

I sigh long and hard. This girl makes me want to spill my soul and loyalty onto the ground. I don't want to keep anything from her.

"Ugh... Megan, there's just stuff that happens that I can't tell you. And you probably really don't want to know anyway." I pause, collecting myself. "What I can tell you is that last night the restaurant I was at was shot up." Her face morphs into fear. I caress her cheeks in my hands. "Look at me—I'm fine! And as for when I'm not in school? I'm doing stuff for my dad. That's it."

I see her breathe in to say something, so I jump in with, "No, I can't tell you what." I smile at her, then give her a peck on the lips.

My brain registers that it's back. Her fear. She's afraid of me again. Fucking Maria! Megan wouldn't even have known about last night if it wasn't for her.

"Maria..." Megan starts.

"Stop right there. Don't listen to Maria. She's a slut who can't keep her mouth shut." My voice comes out harsh and mean. Megan takes a step away from me. I see her eyes fill with tears, and I immediately feel sick to my stomach.

"Whoa, come 'ere," I say softly, reaching for her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean upset you."

Reluctantly, she comes back to me, and I hug her. I take a deep breath in, relishing her scent and closeness. It's like a dream. After all these years, I'm finally holding her in my arms.

Chapter 14

Agita (ah gi ta): upset stomach

Megan

As I put my shoes on, excited and nervous on the sunny Saturday morning of my surprise, I think back to my last encounter with Antonio. I knew Antonio was intense, but I didn't imagine I would find myself on this quiet rollercoaster. There's a lot more to him than I ever could have imagined—and though I want to get to know him, there may be some sides I'm not ready to see yet.

I shake off the thoughts and try to look ahead. Antonio said he'd be here early. I nervously check my bedside alarm clock. Downstairs, my mother is on the phone.

"I know, I know... He's got the devil in him, that one." (pause) "Yeah, unbelievable." (pause) "Well, I just hope he can keep our Megan safe while this lasts." I creep closer to where she is. I'm hanging on every word. "It's not going to last. Her father and I are counting on that. Give it a couple of weeks, and he'll move on to the next girl." (pause) "If that happens, then we'll just send her to visit Troy. She needs a little perspective."

I don't have time to seethe with the anger, but I can't help but let it grow in me as I listen to my mother talk about Antonio dumping me. Soon, there is a knock on the door.

My whole family turns up by the front door in a matter of seconds. Erin is grinning from ear to ear. I swing open the door to see a smiling Antonio, dark in all his smoldering beauty. He is just gorgeous. Light musky cologne wafts my way, and I close my eyes for a second.

I open them when I hear Erin oooohing and ahhhing. I follow her gaze to the street, and there is a limousine. A long black stretch limousine with a driver waiting patiently with his hands folded behind the wheel.

"You ready?" Antonio asks me.

My parents' expressions are of disapproval. "Where are you off to?" my father asks Antonio.

"New York for the day. We'll be back this evening."

Erin did her trademark squeal. "New York!" I am beaming. New York in a limo—Holy shit! I snatch my pocketbook off the couch. My mother blocks my steps toward the door.

"Do you have your cell phone?"

"Yes," I tell her.

"Have a nice day," my mom calls out, but after her conversation with whomever she was gossiping with, I don't believe her. I kiss my father good-bye, and he looks down at me warily.

I slip into the limo as the driver holds the door open for me. Antonio slides in behind me. I'm giddy as Antonio buckles in beside me.

"I can't believe you did this."

"So, you're surprised?"

"I'll say."

"There's another surprise. I've had it for a while. I was waiting for the right time to give it to you, but I can't wait anymore."

Antonio retrieves a small box from a compartment in his door. He hands it to me. My hands are shaking.

I tug the bow off and stick it on his head, and he laughs as he pulls it off.

"I hope you like it."

With my hands shaking, I open the box to find a striking Claddaugh necklace. I'm in awe.

"It's white gold. The clerk said it means love, friendship, and loyalty."

I shake my head, agreeing with him excitedly. "Yeah, I know—I can't believe you found this!" I say as I stare at it. "It's beautiful. Thank you so much." I lean in and kiss him. Then I lift my hair and swivel so that he can put the necklace on me. I immediately feel his breath on my neck. Then his lips are moving over my skin. I shudder because it feels amazing. He feels amazing. He moves away and his voice is husky, "It's on. Lemme see."

When I face him again, his eyes are lustful and searching mine. He looks at the necklace and smiles. "Now it's beautiful," he says, and I can't resist kissing him again.

We stop and get breakfast at a little diner off the highway. Everyone in the restaurant stares at us as we walk in. I'm guessing they saw us get out of the limo. I giggle.

"What's so funny?" Antonio asks me as we stand at the front, holding hands, waiting to be seated.

"Nothing."

He gives me a look that says, yeah right.

"I was just thinking that all these people probably thought someone famous was coming to eat here because of the limo. And I just want to yell out to them"—I pretend to yell and cup my hand over my mouth—"nothing to see here, just the mob boss's son from New Jersey out for breakfast."

"Wow," he says, deadpan. "No one has ever called me that to my face."

I laugh again. "What are you going to do, Mr. Delisi, tie me up and throw me in the river?"

"I wouldn't throw you in the river, but tying you up has been on my mind before." His face is serious, and he squeezes my hand to jerk me closer. The waitress interrupts us and yanks us out of our reverie.

We order eggs, bacon, and toast. I'm still reeling at what Antonio said. A blush creeps up my face by just replaying the words in my mind. He has an unbelievable ability to make me want and fear him at the same time. I am so out of my league. I've never had a steady boyfriend. In fact, these feelings of passion and lust are new to me. But regardless of how confusing and new this is, I wouldn't want to be here with anyone else.

We arrive in New York City and Antonio takes me to the Empire State Building. We have lunch at the Ritz. Everywhere we go Antonio pays with one-hundred-dollar bills. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm starting to question where he gets all this money from—the limo, the necklace, the two-hundred-dollar lunch. Do his parents just give it to him? I try not to let my thoughts sour this awesome day.

My phone buzzes with a text message.

Troy: Enjoying your day in NY? Did he get in ur pants yet?

I don't respond. I'm too mad. So this is how it's going to be between us. I shove my phone back in my pocket. I refuse to let Troy ruin this perfect day.

Antonio takes my hand and tells the driver to meet us at Central Park. We walk slowly, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. We pass shop after shop, window after window of everything from clothes to tools. The streets aren't too busy because it's a Saturday.

Every couple of blocks, Antonio tugs on my hand and we stand close to the buildings away from the foot traffic. And every time, he scrunches his hand in my hair and kisses me. The first few times, they're sweet and slow kisses. The closer to Central Park we get, the more heated and wanting they become. The more heated the kisses become, the more dazed and drugged I feel.

At the entrance to Central Park, a man with a weathered cardboard sign sits huddled on the ground. His clothes are tattered and dirty with what seems like years of filth.

Antonio's pace slows as we get closer to the gates of the park. He releases my hand. We stand a few feet from the man who appears homeless. Antonio reaches into his left front pocket and takes out a crumpled hundred-dollar bill. Less than two weeks ago, I was afraid of Antonio. Now I think he's the sweetest guy I know. He hands it to the guy, picks up my hand again, and leads me into the park.

*****

Antonio

I know that the text she got is from her "friend" Troy, the chooch that Alessandra thinks is so wonderful. But I'm not going to let it bother me because she's here with me—all bouncing red curls, luscious lips, and smiles.

The park is crowded. People on roller blades, bicycles, and wearing fancy jogging suits litter one of the only slices of green grass in New York City.

We walk for a little while. The sun makes shadows on the sidewalk through the tree limbs.

"So," I ask her, "are you looking forward to college next year?"

"Yeah, I'm glad I got into my first choice. What are you planning to do next year?" she asks, squeezing my hand.

"Don't know yet. I've been busy," I say, not wanting to meet her gaze.

"You must want to go somewhere?"

I get a sickening feeling when I think of her going off to college without me. My question was meant to be light and conversational, but now I'm sorry I brought up her going away.

We approach a large group of people standing huddled together in a circle. Loud music begins to ring out. A bunch of guys start dancing. Megan obviously wants to watch because she leads me over to the crowd.

"Wow, they're good." I position her in front of me and rest my hands across her middle while we watch the show. It's awesome just to hold her.

When the show is over, the driver picks us up at the entrance and we drive down the congested streets.

It's getting late. I need to bring back something for my mom. I spot a Godiva chocolate store on 40th Street. The driver steers the limo to the curb.

"I'm gonna grab something for my mom. You want anything?"

"No, I'm all set." She smiles at me. I notice her playing with the necklace I gave her, and it makes me grin.

"Wait here. I'll be right back." The smell of melted chocolate drifts over me like a warm blanket. I walk around looking for Mom's favorite. I pick a large box of them. I should get something for Megan's mom too. Then I second guess myself and get another large box of assorted chocolates for her sister. Then I grab one for Megan too.

I stand at the register as the clerk rings everything up when my phone buzzes with a text from Vito.

Vito: Ronnie's been jumped. your pop is calling a meeting tonight. what time will u be back?

Shit! Figures.

"That'll be a hundred ninety-five dollars, please." The cashier jars me from my thoughts of having to rush back home. I snatch a couple of hundreds from my pocket and hand them over while texting Vito.

Antonio: 7:30 if no traffic

I take the huge bag off the counter and get back in the limo.

"Did you buy out the whole store?" she says, giggling at me. Megan holds the bag under her nose. "Wow, it smells awesome! Did you mug Willy Wonka or something?" My anxiety melts away at her teasing. I lean over and kiss her. She laughs again. "YOU even smell like chocolate." She rubs her nose over my neck and hair like a cat. I hit the button for the privacy screen between us and the driver while I pin her beneath me.

The magic that is Megan ensnares me. For the next two hours we kiss, talk, and laugh. She's the most amazing person. I can't imagine how I lived for so long having her just at arm's reach. I don't know how I'm going to let her go when it's time to drop her off at home. I want to tell the driver to head for Canada. My stalker is back! And I tell her that.

With my face nuzzling her neck and my hand cupping her hip I say, "I don't want to let you go. I want you all to myself."

"What are you gonna do, kidnap me?" she jokes.

She stiffens under me. "I have resources, you know."

"I bet you do." The joking tone was gone.

I look up at her. "Don't be afraid of me... I can see it in your eyes sometimes."

Megan straightens, forcing me to sit up. "Well, I am afraid." She won't look at me.

I tip her chin upward, forcing her back to me. Tears well up in her eyes again. "No, honey, don't cry." I feel sick to my stomach. "I know I get angry at times, but I won't hurt you." My own words stun me. I can't recall ever calling someone honey in my life.

Her eyes still glistening, tears threatening to fall. "That's not why I'm scared."

"What is it then?"

She is really killing me with those tears. When girls I don't even like cry, it bothers me. It's torture watching her try to stop her tears from falling.

"Ugh, I don't even think I could explain it all."

"All!" I choke. "All's not good."

She waits. "You're gonna hurt me when you get tired of me." It seems like it took a lot for her to admit that.

"Tired of you!" My voice goes up. "I just told you I didn't want to let you go."

"Yeah, well, guys like you can be very charming."

"I just threatened to kidnap you! That's charming?!" That makes her laugh. "I'm afraid too, Megan." And I am.

"Huh? What can the great Antonio Delisi be afraid of?" I could feel the bite of her sarcasm.

"If this is confession time, here it is. I am so see-through about my feelings for you that even my grandmother knew. Alessandra told me to stop moping around and do something about it. I never even told San how I felt about you. She said she had always known from when we were kids. San really likes you."

"I like her too."

"And Vito... the asshole laughed so hard when he figured it out, I wasn't sure he could pull himself together enough to drive."

"Why was he laughing?"

"Because he's an ass and he knew how bad I wanted you. But I had to convince my father to allow it."

"Hmmm, my father warned me away from you," she said quietly.

"If I had a daughter, I wouldn't want her hanging with me either." She smiles again, but I know that isn't everything. "That's not it though, is it?"

"No." Megan sucks in a breath. "I'm also scared something will happen to you. You won't tell me what you do all day... and what happened the other night. You're keeping things from me."

She's right. I am. But it isn't because I don't want to tell her. It's because I want to protect her.

"I can't tell you." I kiss her. "And I don't want you in that part of my life. That's what scares me." I kiss her again. I reach my arm around her slim waist and slip my hand under the hem of her shirt. I graze my fingers over the soft, warm skin of her belly.

A barely audible groan sounds in the back of her throat. Her need and want excite me. I brush my hands higher up her sides. Megan's kisses become hungrier and I'm finding it hard to stop myself. I want her.

The stopping of the limo pulls us from our passion-filled daze. We're right in front of her house. I don't want this to end. I don't think she does either.

"This is your stop." Megan's hair is wilder looking than usual. It probably didn't help that I kept running my fingers through it.

"Yeah, I guess it is." She sounds disappointed. "When will I see you again?"

"I need to check out the schedule for the week," I say. "I'll text you." I kiss her again and walk her to the door.

After I drop Megan off, I have the limo driver take me right to the docks at the warehouse where the meeting is being held. There are so many of us there when Pop calls a meeting like this that we don't all fit at the restaurant. The restaurant is out of commission right now, anyway.

Dino's outside with some of his younger cousins. They all watch me get out and pay the driver. The limo pulls away, and I light a cigarette. I didn't need one the whole day with Megan until now.

Dino calls out to me. "What's the matter? You have to fuckin' wine and dine her with limos to get any from her?" I was calm all day, and then Dino has to go and fuck with it.

I don't even hesitate. I take two strides towards him and blast him in the face with my fist. He's ready for it this time—unlike in church. He tries to hit me back, but I duck and smash him again. A cut forms over his eye and his jaw lumps up. Like a stupid fuck, he tries to hit me again, but I dance back and swing my leg out. He goes crashing to the ground. No one, not one of his cousins or any bystanders, interferes.

Uncle Tutti must have heard the commotion. He comes outside and sees Dino lying on the ground.

"Aww, Tonio," he, sounds disappointed. "Will you stop beatin' that kid up?"

I light a new cigarette since I tossed the other one on my way to pummel Dino. I take two drags and flick it at him.

"Stay the fuck away from me and Megan."

I mumble as I blow smoke out of my lungs. "Sorry, Uncle," I say, passing him to go into the meeting.

I step into my father's arms and he pats me on the back. "How was your day?" he asks.

"Good. Really good."

Donny's already seated with his crutches leaning against the table. He looks decent for being shot the other day. I give him a tap on the back, and he pats me on the shoulder.

The place is packed; even sons as young as fourteen are here. This brewing fight with Sommersville has all the families of Palmetto coming together.

My father stands at the front table and everyone sits down in folding chairs. The tables are plastic party tables set up in a huge square on the cement floor. Dino sits all the way on the other side of the room from me with his dad. He seethes with anger. He baited me on purpose because he thought he could take me. He's a fuckin' stunad!

Vito sits at my right with Louie, and Ronnie, who sports a black eye, sits on my left. Normally they're not here. They sit with me to show their loyalty.

"Sommersville has gotten on my last nerve. I'm done with this shit," my pop offers. Some nod in agreement. He points to me. "My Tonio will lead the hit." His hands gesture as he speaks. "Tonio has proven his worth." I'm shocked and honored that my father trusts and believes in me enough to give me this responsibility.

All faces turn to me. Admiration is on the young faces, and pride is on the old. I stand to acknowledge my pop with a respectful nod, letting him know I accept.

Vito nudges me. I can tell he's psyched. I catch Dino staring at me. I just look away; he's not worth my time.

Louie picks up on it and whispers to me, "I know why he isn't at college. He got fuckin' kicked out for selling drugs."

"Fuckin' stunad," I mutter.

Pop brings up the attack at the restaurant. "Tonio selflessly snuck up on the bastards and pumped iron in the back window till it broke, frightening those fuckers away."

I'm embarrassed by Pop's accolades. I just reacted. I don't think it was selfless. Don't think, just do! replays in my head.

*****

A week of doing Donny's dirty work goes by. On the days I'm close to home, I pick up Megan from school. Vito offers to take Erin home so Megan and I can be alone for a while, but Megan always tells him no. I don't think Megan trusts Vito with her sister. It's okay, because just seeing her for a short time makes everything I do worthwhile.

Pop never discloses at the meeting when the attack is going to take place. He knows there's a snitch somewhere. So, he'll let me know when the time is right.

Vito, Ronnie, and Louie are pumped up. They plan on coming. They don't have to, but they want to. Vito says that he always has my back.

It's Friday, and I really want to pick Megan up, but I have a runner. The guy took off. I chase him, and I know where he's going. He has a sister who lives about thirty miles away from Palmetto. I'm going to stake out her house.

Chapter 15

Capisce? (ga-bish): Do you get it?

Megan

I'm sitting in history class, thinking about Antonio. I have a habit now of touching the necklace he gave me, feeling the cool metal under my fingertips. It's the nicest gift I've ever received. We made plans to go to the movies this weekend. I really want to go to the mall to get some new clothes with the cooler weather starting. It would be nice to have a new outfit for our date.

"Megan?" my history teacher calls me.

"Yes, Mrs. Touti?"

"You're needed at the main office." I pack up my books and walk down the hall.

As I turn the corner into the office doorway, I'm taken aback. My father is standing there.

"Hi, Meg," my father returns quietly.

"Uh, hi, Dad. What are you doing here?" In all the years I've been in school, I can't remember my father ever coming to the school. I had a music recital in which I played the harp in middle school, and he didn't even come to that.

"I signed you out." I pause while he continues. "I have somewhere I want to take you."

"Uh, okay." The secretary waves to me from her desk and I say goodbye. Dad and I walk to the minivan and get in silently.

Weird. That's the only word to describe this moment. We drive for about ten minutes, still in complete silence.

"Where are we going?" I question.

"You'll see."

"Is it a surprise?"

"You'll see when we get there," Dad says stoically.

I want to ask more questions, but my father's demeanor is actually starting to frighten me.

"Did Antonio give you that necklace?" he asks, never taking his eyes off the road.

"Yes." I immediately touch it and smile.

"Are you going out again?" His voice never changing.

"Yes, we're going to the movies. Why?"

My dad doesn't reply; he just keeps driving.

After a while we drive into a neighborhood with small houses and tiny front lawns. It's the middle of the afternoon, so there isn't anyone around, most likely because kids are at school and parents are at work. My dad parks in front of someone's house. I have no clue whose house it is, or even where we are.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"Megan..." My father's is on the steering wheel. "This is for your own good. Get out."

My heart is racing with worry and a lot of fear. What is this all about? I slowly open my door. My father comes around the van to stand next to me. He grabs my wrist and starts pulling me down the sidewalk. He's not rough, but he's not gentle either.

"What are we doing, Dad?"

"Quiet," he warns.

I can faintly hear yelling as we walk farther. Still clutching my wrist, my dad walks us over to a tree. The yelling is getting louder. My dad moves us slowly to the edge of some house. I still have no clue what we're doing or whose house this is. Are we trespassing? One of the voices yelling is familiar. The tones are sharp and mean.

"I told you to never fuckin' run from me!" I hear as my father pushes me a little to see around the corner of the house. He's right behind me. Two men are standing and struggling in the backyard. The smaller man is in a headlock. He reaches behind him to try and grab his assailant. I put my hand on the house to steady myself. Bits of peeling paint crumble in my hand.

"Where's the money? I'm not asking again!"

Those words help me to understand the horror I'm witnessing. It's Antonio! Within seconds, Antonio gives two kicks to the man's kidneys. The guy yells and falls to the ground. Antonio reaches for the man's left leg and, with a quick twist, snaps it. My body jolts and cringes with the break and snap. The man screams and so do I, but my scream is muffled by my father's hand over my mouth. Hot tears burn my eyes as I watch Antonio's face. It's full of rage and hatred. It's an expression that I can't even imagine on the most infamous criminal—it's heartless and cold. Tears continue to flood my eyes and roll down my face and slide down my father's hands.

As the man is writhing on the ground, Antonio punches him twice in the face."Shut the fuck up!" He rifles through the man's pockets and finds a wad of cash.

I feel the scratch of vomit welling up in the back of my throat. My body convulses with panic.

Antonio kicks the guy hard in the leg he broke, shoves the money in his pocket. "Next time, if you run, I won't be so fuckin' nice."

That's it. I lose it. I wriggle to get away from my father and push off from the house. I vomit into the bushes. My father grabs my hand and starts tugging on it, motioning for me to run. But I can't see through the tears, and I collapse with more dry heaves wracking my body. My father reaches down and stands me up, slinging my arm over his shoulder, and moves me toward the car. I'm so afraid that my body just doesn't work. He handles me like a rag doll.

My father gruffly orders, "Keep moving, Megan." Keep moving where? There is nowhere to go that can save me from this. The man I love dishes out merciless and unfeeling beatings. Oh God! The man I love. And I vomit all over the street.

I've heard of people blacking out when they witness something horrific. So that's the only explanation that I can figure out when I wake up on my bed with a cold facecloth on my head. My throat stings from vomit and screaming. My face is achy and my legs are numb. My mother is sitting on a chair in my room, watching me.

"You knew, didn't you?" I ask in a raspy voice.

She nods yes. Her face is blank except for her pursed lips. I take her expression to be righteous, and I lose it again.

"Get out of my room!" I scream. "I hate you!" I throw the facecloth at her. She stands; she's acting all high and mighty. Shouldn't a mother be sympathetic when her daughter learns her boyfriend is psychotic? "Get out!" I scream again.

"We were just doing what's best for you," she humphs as she leaves the room. The river of tears I cried comes back in shuddering waves. I can't stop them. The pain is so intense, it's like someone stabbed a knife through my sternum and into my heart.

I don't know how long I cry, but a soft knock sounds on my door and a whisper says, "It's Erin."

The door opens quietly. Through my sobs I hear her gently pad in the room. She sits on the bed and rubs my back. I look over at her. There are tears in her eyes too. Exhaustion overtakes me, and I fall asleep.

*****

Antonio

I don't make it to pick up Megan. That pisses me off. So I call her. I can't reach her. I call and text her all afternoon. She doesn't respond. That's not like her.

My phone buzzes and I pray that it's Megan. It's Vito instead.

"Hey, what's up?"

"We're headed for the docks. You in?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I say. "I don't have plans with Megan or anything."

"Is Red okay? She left school early today."

"What? I've been trying to call her."

"Yeah, paesan, she left early. Her father picked her up."

"Thanks. I'll catch up with you later." I hang up and drive to her house.

I knock on the door, but no one answers. Their van is in the yard. Someone has to be home. Maybe she's sick. Did she go to the hospital? I knock again and slowly the door opens. Mr. O'Neill stands there soundlessly, looking his usual somber self.

"Hello."

He doesn't talk to me.

"Is Megan okay? I tried calling her, but she didn't answer. Vito told me she left school early today." Mr. O'Neill just lets me ramble on and on. He doesn't take his eyes off me. "Can I come in? Is she here?" The expression on Mr. O'Neill's face makes me feel anxious.

"I don't think she wants to see you," Mr. O'Neill says indifferently. He starts to close the door. I wedge my foot in between the threshold and door.

"Wait!" I beg. "Is she okay?"

"She's not your concern," he returns ominously. He crushes my foot with the door. No way!

I push the door open and Mr. O'Neill stumbles back. "What's going on?" Megan's mother appears. She glares at me.

"She doesn't want you anymore," Mrs. O'Neill barks with her hands folded across her chest. I'm dumbfounded. I can only hope that I heard her wrong.

"What?"

"You heard me, she doesn't want you anymore. She knows what you're like now."

I walk into the room, astonished. "What do you mean?"

Mrs. O'Neill gestures to her husband. "Megan went on a little field trip today." I want to knock the smirk off her face. "She's seen you in action now."

"What?!" I yell. "What do you mean?" Fear and anger surge through me like a missile.

Mr. O'Neill shoots his wife a warning glance. "Antonio, I don't think it's going to work out between the two of you," he informs me.

I clench my fists. "What do you mean by 'she's seen me in action'?"

"I think you better leave," Mr. O'Neill says.

"No! I have the right to know." I stamp my foot, the tips of my fingers digging into my palms. Icy cold realization slithers down my back. "You!" I point at Megan's father. "You!" It's getting harder for me to breathe. My chest is closing up at the comprehension that Megan must have seen me today. She must have seen me break Scott's leg and beat the shit out of him.

"I want you to stay away from her," he commands. "This is as far as the relationship is going."

"No," I rush out, the words stinging. "I just got her... Don't do this." I see Erin sitting at the top of the stairs, holding her legs and rocking back and forth. She's silently crying.

My brain wants me to yell, Where's Megan? I want to take her away from here. Just run. Go somewhere together. Leave. I feel sick. The air is too thin in this small room. The hurt is so intense, more than any fight I've ever been in. My eyes tingle with an unfamiliar sensation.

A knock sounds on the front door. My father walks in. Mrs. O'Neill must have called him when she left the room. I'm stuck, frozen.

I look at Pop, and he's sympathetic. I rub my eyes, unsure of what to do. I need to see Megan, but I don't think anyone is going to let me. Part of me feels that this is a conspiracy, that this was planned all along. It was too easy to convince my pop and Megan's father to allow us a relationship, even one this painfully short.

I've been betrayed. Set up. Megan seeing me taking care of business for my dad would do her in, make her hate me and be afraid of me forever. They knew it. I should have told her when she asked. I should have confided in her to make this less of a blow. Maybe I could have made her understand, helped her to deal with that side of myself that I don't even like to think about. I would never hurt her. EVER! I'm a monster, bred, raised, and trained right here in Palmetto by the best, my father.

"Tonio," Pop's voice is quiet, "I think we better go."

"I want to see her," I choke out. "I want her to tell me that she doesn't want me anymore. Let me just talk to her," I plead.

Megan's mother leaves the room and her father just shakes his head no as he opens the door for Pop and me to leave. I shoot a glance at Erin, who is still sitting at the top of the stairs hugging herself. I drag my feet to move toward the door.

At the sidewalk, Pop clasps me on the back. "I'm sorry. It really is for the best." I throw my shoulder back and push my father's hand away. "Come on, we gotta get ready for the hit," his tone is soft. I keep my mouth shut tight. I don't want to do anything that I'll regret later. I jump in my car, rev the engine, and shoot off down the street.

Vito, Ronnie, and Louie are at the docks drinking. Beer just isn't going to cut it for me tonight, so I stop and grab a bottle of vodka first.

"Whoa, Antonio, what's with the hard shit?" Ronnie asks as I swig the clear alcohol from the bottle.

"Is it Red?" Vito asks.

I snap. I spin around and hurl the bottle against the brick warehouse in front of me. It shatters and rains tiny bits of glass over the dirty pavement.

I don't answer the question.

"Mannegia!" The rage doesn't subside. I squeeze my eyes tight. "The hit's tomorrow night. Meet me here at eight. I gotta fuckin' go." I can't even look at my friends. I just pop in my car and squeal away.

I get home around one a.m. I spent my night down at the riverside, where I kissed Megan for the first time, wondering why I didn't see this whole frittata coming. My mother startles me when I walk into the kitchen. She's sitting at the table with her hand wrapped around a coffee cup.

"Hi," she says first.

I immediately wonder if she knew this whole fuck-up-things-with-Megan plan. She stands and pours me a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." I take it from her.

"How are you doing?" That question answers mine. She knew. Does she really need an answer? I glare at her.

She starts again. "Tonio, I disagree with this whole mess. Are you okay?"

"Do I fuckin' look like I'm okay?"

My mother gives me a stern expression, but she doesn't chastise me for swearing.

"Your father is going along with the O'Neills, okay? He really doesn't care if you see her. She's a nice girl, Antonio. We like her."

"Then what is the problem, fanabola?!" I half yell.

"You have to understand that her father wants to keep her safe."

"You've been married to Pop for over twenty years, and nothin's happened to you!" I remind her, frustrated.

"There are things you just don't know, Tonio. Let it go," my mom pleads while resting her hand on my arm.

My throat feels like it's closing up. "I don't think I can," I choke out. "Ma, I think I love her."

She reaches out and hugs me tight. When she pulls away, I see tears glistening in her eyes. "Try to get some sleep."

The next morning brings big changes. I have a tutor now. I'm not going back to school. My father has signed me out and made me an independent student. He says he needs me too much. The only hope I had to see Megan was at school, and they took that away too.

Chapter 16

Cavone (gahv-own): ignorant Italian

Antonio

I sit to clean my gun, getting ready for the hit tonight and trying to psych myself up. But when my dad comes in to go over the plan, I can't focus on anything but the gaping hole in my chest. He never mentions what happened yesterday. He doesn't even apologize. Pop is all business.

"Now, don't forget to go pick up Uncle Tutti's old Chevy. And make sure Louie has a car ready."

I nod as he talks.

"It's all you, Antonio. You're leading this."

I nod again. He continues to go step-by-step through the hit. I half-listen without looking away from my piece. I've tried Megan's cell phone at least ten times. It goes directly to voicemail. The compulsion to talk to her is eating me alive. It's crippling to think that she hates me.

Everybody is pumped. The adrenaline flowing through everyone's veins is creating an unquenchable need in me to search out and destroy our enemies. We're in groups. I've taken on the responsibility of the most important part of tonight's hit—hitting the hive. It's a Laundromat on South Street in Sommersville. It wasn't too hard to figure out that it's their place of business because the people going in and out rarely have laundry or look the type to even do their own laundry.

Mr. Maranzano and Mr. Ferretti are leading two other groups. They will come in the back way.

My voice doesn't feel like my own. It's crisp and sharp. I feel outside of myself. Dino is with Mr. Ferretti, so I don't have to look at his fuckin' face. I'm desperately trying to shove Megan to the back of my mind. I have to suppress my hurt and anger or it will rule me tonight.

Vito loads the back of Louie's car with vodka bottles stuffed with rags—handmade, good old-fashioned grenades.

Vito, Uncle Tutti, and Ronnie all pile in the old Chevy. The drive to Sommersville is about twenty-five minutes. The car is an old clunker. The engine grinds and whines every time I speed up or press the brake. No one speaks but Uncle Tutti, giving advice and words of assurance.

We park the car on the side road near the alley in front of the Laundromat. A warehouse is to the other side of us, perfect for cover. I scouted this out last week on one of my many long days of running Pop's errands.

A car bomb is a good way to flush Sommersville out. Vito puts the bomb on the seat of the old Chevy. Pop is great at making bombs. Sommersville will definitely know it's us.

We skulk out of the diversion car. My pistol is raised, ready to shoot. Uncle Tutti and I jut out toward the back of the warehouse, waiting for Vito and Ronnie. We cover the entrance to the Laundromat. Two shots ring out, and Ronnie takes one in the shoulder. He trips, but regains his footing as he runs toward us. What the fuck? Where did those come from? It's dark as I scan the surrounding area. Wasting time is not an option. It's a few minutes early, but I tell Vito to blow it.

"Now!" I say to him as Ronnie pants on the ground behind me. With one tap on the detonator the old rusted Chevy blows up and metal debris showers the road.

"Cover us, Tonio!" Uncle Tutti shouts over the sound of the blast. He leans down to tend to Ronnie's shot up arm.

Where the fuck did those shots come from? Red clouds my vision as I hear Ronnie's grunts of pain. Don't think, just do!

Using the building as cover, Vito and I scan the area, guns moving in succession like we were taught as kids, ready to rain lead in the air if anything moves.

The car blazes in front of us. Even from as far away as we are, I can feel its searing heat. Uncle Tutti tugs Ronnie to a standing position.

"Move," I order. We need to get out of here. Someone has tipped off Sommersville. Pop suspected a mole, but now its official, fanabola!

I nod to Vito; he dodges around the trash bins. We move and prowl like we're in a cop show. Rage is boiling from the tips of my fingers to the top of my head. I can see Vito's face in the low light of the street lamps—it's twisted brutality like mine. He knows there's a fuckin' mole too. Loyalty is something you don't mess with.

The road ahead of the alley is quiet, too quiet. Slowly, we continue to advance. I have the Laundromat in my sight. Ronnie has recovered somewhat from the shot, surviving on pure adrenaline. Malice coats his features, too. The street ahead suddenly gets darker. The street lights have gone out. I know the other two teams are still surrounding the building.

The pings of gunshots flying through the darkness ricochet around us. We drop to the ground and start firing. Using only instinct in the darkness, I listen to where the bang of the bullets comes from and fire. A strangled screech echoes in the distance. The firing abruptly stops.

"Move!" I command. We all bolt forward, still staying behind the cover of brick walls. Gunfire starts again, but it's muffled, like it's coming from inside the Laundromat. We're pinned down and in the dark.

I see shadows up ahead—two people are dragging a body. Down the street is the car and Louie. "Go!" I yell to Uncle Tutti. "Take Ronnie. Get your asses out of here." I squat and position my gun right at the dark figures to cover them. If they even raise a finger, I'm firing. Uncle Tutti doesn't argue with me. He knows I'm fucking running the show.

I give a quick look behind me to see if they made it to the car. Vito is right there. He didn't go with them.

"Dude, I'm not leaving you," he says in a low voice. I nod. Vito may be a lot of things, but one thing I would never do is question his loyalty.

"One...two...three...Go." Vito and I continue our sweep-and-scan moves until we get in our final position to make our hit. The air is so noiseless that the only thing I can hear is the swish of Vito's leather jacket.

The Laundromat is dark, like the street. It's hard to see inside. I cross over the doorway so one of us is on each side of it. I'm getting ready to kick the door in when I see a flash of movement through the window.

I motion to Vito to get ready. I swing myself up to see a person by the window. It's a Sommersville chooch. I fire three shots through the window. The guy yells out in pain. With my gun held high, I check for damage. I got him in the thigh.

Vito immediately kicks the door in, stays low, and crosses the threshold. I follow him. I check the area and quickly kick the gun away from the kid who is clutching his thigh and writhing on the floor. Vito picks it up and stuffs it in his waistband.

"That's for Ronnie, you fucker." I stare down at him with disgust.

We leave the kid moaning and move through the darkness. Pounding and slashing sounds are coming from behind a closed door. Slowly we advance and flank. I nod and Vito kicks in this door too. A knife fight is in full force.

It's Dino and some ass I don't know. Dino is holding his own. His shirt is torn in three places, but there's no blood on him. The other guy, on the other hand, has blood dripping from his arms, legs, face, and hands.

"Move!" I say, and Dino hurries behind Vito and me. I'm a little surprised when he listens to me. "Where's your piece?" I never taking my eyes off the kid who is barricading himself behind some old dryers.

"Lost it," Dino admits through heaving breaths.

A door on the other end of the room opens. About ten Sommersville guys rush in.

"Move!" I command again. Vito heads back out the way we came while I protect his back and Dino's. Within seconds, we're back where I shot the kid. He's losing a lot of blood. Back on the street, we work together, exchanging positions until we see Louie's car.

"Go!" I yell, and we fly to the doors and jump in. Vito takes two Molotov cocktails and lights them. He hurls them out the window to stop our pursuers. We all hear the smashing sound of the glass bottles, and then the front of the Laundromat lights up like fireworks. Louie hits the gas, and we sail down the road.

*****

Megan:

I'm not sure what has happened now; it's all a blur. I haven't seen Antonio in over a week. He never came back to school. I never talked to him after that horrible day. I'm a zombie—I eat, go to school, and play the harp. I'm a zombie harpist. I play the harp until the tips of my fingers are raw. I will the music to transport me somewhere away from the pain.

The only person in my house that talks to me, and that I'll talk to, is Erin. Most nights she carries my dinner to my room for me. At school, Vito won't tell me anything. None of Antonio's friends even look my way. I think they're afraid I'll ask them something they can't answer. Alessandra came up to me right after it happened and hugged me, and then walked away.

Troy calls every day to check on me. He has to call on the house phone because I no longer have a cell phone. My father took it away and didn't give me a new one. I feel bad, but it's always a one-sided conversation when he calls. It's usually Troy doing the talking, trying to cheer me up and telling me about college, and me sitting silently. He never ever mentions Antonio or the uncomfortable time he told me he thought he and I would get married someday.

"Guess who's coming to Notre Dame? Guess, guess! You'll never guess." Troy is his bright and cheery self.

My voice never raises or elevates. It's too much of an effort. My chest is heavy, and the lump in my throat that never goes away keeps me from being able to speak properly. "I don't know," I say, not the least bit curious.

"Miss - Megan - O'Neill!" He says my name like I'm someone famous.

"Huh?"

"You, my friend, have won a fabulous trip for one to the beautiful campus of Notre Dame! Five nights and six days of college life—airfare and meals included!" Troy declares, like I've just won a prize on the The Price Is Right.

"What?"

"You're coming for a visit. It's all arranged. Your parents already booked your flight. You leave on Friday. Isn't it awesome? I can't wait to see you, Meg."

Gripping my chest is the only way to hold myself together, or what's left of me will fall out. The past week has enlightened me on one thing. I don't care. The shock of the event has worn down, but not the hurt and betrayal. The fear of Antonio I always had was warranted—I get that now. Deep down, I always knew he had a dark side. I knew he wasn't rescuing kittens from trees when he said he had things to do for his father. But does that take away the love I have for him? No. Our parents keeping us away from each other for the past ten years, knowing him only as someone in town, doesn't change the fact that I love him.

I can't pinpoint when I fell in love with him. Was it when he was leaning against his car with a mischievous smile, heated eyes scorching into me, or was it when he was playing in the sandbox with me? It doesn't matter.

But I can pinpoint when I realized that I don't care where he comes from or what he has to do to survive in his mafia family. My life and what's important to me has changed in a very small amount of time.

Troy's voice yanks me from my revelations. He must have noticed I wasn't listening to his rant about all the great things we were going to do at Notre Dame.

"Troy? I gotta go. There's something I have to do. Bye."

Alessandra. I need to find Alessandra. I shove my feet into my sneakers and walk out the front door. I start walking to Alessandra's house. It's a long way by foot, but I barely notice. When I get closer, I start running. I know what I have to do.

Luckily, Alessandra answers the door when I knock. I'm breathing heavily from running. She has a very concerned look on her face.

"Megan? Are you okay?"

I grasp the doorframe. "Yeah, yeah. Just out of breath."

"What's the matter?"

"I need to find Antonio."

She gives me a sympathetic look.

"No, seriously, I need to find him. I need to talk to him."

Alessandra takes my hand and tugs me through her house to her bedroom. I take being dragged through her house as a sign that we're going to talk, but what I find in her bedroom astonishes me.

Sitting on the floor against the wall, jean clad, knees bent, head in his hands, is Antonio. His whole demeanor is of someone in despair and lost.

Finally, he glances up. His face registers different emotions; elation, happiness, and then wariness. He jumps to his feet, still as shocked as I am. He is just as gorgeous as always. Intensity stares at me through his eyes. Alessandra continues to hold my hand, but she soon lets go and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Antonio steps towards me, reaches out, and crushes me to him in one fluid motion. "Megan..." he sighes into my hair. "I'm sorry. Don't hate me." My arms wrap around his toned waist. He is the most amazing guy I have ever known. His words sound like they have been on the tip of his tongue for a while, but have never had a chance to spill out until now. "Tell me you still want me." This is so unlike Antonio. His words sound insecure and unsure.

I hold him tighter and talking into his chest, "I never stopped wanting you." We hold each other, squeezing, and my chest compresses. He loosens his hold. We stand for a long time clinging to each other. Gently, he strokes my hair as he holds me. Deep down we both knew, no matter what, we belong together.

Desperation and loneliness has consumed me all week. Grasping the betrayal of my family and the images of Antonio thrashing that man haunted me day and night. Standing in his arms right now is amazing, and I'm not sure how I survived so many years without him.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "I should have told you."

"It's okay," I tell him, and I mean it.

I leave Alessandra's feeling liberated. Antonio and I are going to see each other tomorrow night. We're going to talk, figure things out. Alessandra hugs me tight before I go out the door. For the first time since this mess started, everything feels right.

Chapter 17

Cazzo (kaatso): Balls!

Megan

My lips are still tingling from Antonio's rough kisses. I catch myself smiling all the way home. Antonio offered to drive me. He had his father's car. He said he hasn't been driving his much because it reminds him too much of taking me back and forth to school. I still don't want to risk my parents catching us together. We are going to have to sneak around and lie if we're going to keep seeing each other. Just knowing that I'm going to see him is enough to sustain me.

The way my mother's been treating me? I could care less. She looked triumphant and smug the day Dad took me to see Antonio. I won't let someone like that ruin my happiness, even if it is my mother.

The darkness of evening sneaks up on me. The days are getting shorter as autumn wanes. By the time I climb the stairs to go into the house, it's totally dark out. The house seems exceptionally quiet. Well, it has been real quiet since last week.

Feeling better than I have in a while with the lump in my throat finally gone, I head straight to the kitchen. I reach for the light switch, and a hand grabs my wrist and painfully forces my arm behind my back. My eyes adjust to the shadowy room. I see my mom and Erin bound against our kitchen chairs. Panic surges through me.

My assailant shoves me into a chair and presses on my shoulder to hold me down. I struggle and clutch at him, but he's too strong.

I hear a ripping sound from behind me. Quickly, he binds my hands with what feels like duct tape. Harshly, my hair is tugged so that my face is thrust up, and my attacker hisses, "Don't fuckin' move."

I definitely don't know this person. I can see better now. He's tall, with blue eyes. His face is scruffy, like he hasn't shaved in a few days. I glance at my mother and sister. Tears are streaming down my sister's face. My mother is staring straight at me like I have all the answers in the world for what's going on. But I don't.

"We're just gonna sit here and wait for the Cleaner," he says, sitting down in the fourth chair. He crosses his arms and legs in a gesture that shows he's got all the time in the world. He holds a pistol in his right hand, up against his chest. It has a long cylinder-like piece on the end. From watching way too many cop shows, I'm guessing it's a silencer.

Wait! What?... The Cleaner? Is he expecting Merry Maids to show up?

I look over at my mom again. Questions are filling my brain, but surprisingly I don't feel any panic. But my mother is not the haughty person she was before; now, her eyes are like saucers. She appears panicked. But I'm not. Why? I shuffle my hands around slightly behind the back of the chair. The tape is loose.

Our attacker speaks again in his unruffled demeanor. "The Cleaner is gonna get what's comin' to him. He killed my family, I kill his." He chuckles. "An eye for an eye."

My heart is pumping wildly. It's not with fear though—it's beating with vehemence and confusion. Who is this person?

"When Patrick gets here, you're going to wish you never stepped foot in this house," my mother says.

"He ain't gonna get by Butch, lady," he counters with complete surety.

What?!... Dad's at work. Who the hell is Butch?

A loud thump comes from outside on the back steps. The guy jumps up and grabs Erin by the back of the neck.

"Don't fuckin' open your mouths." He holds the silencer up to his lips like it's his finger, shushing us.

With one of his hands buried in Erin's hair, he points the gun at her temple. I scream, and it startles him. I force my hands apart, ripping the loose tape, and spring. I ram the guy in his stomach with my shoulder. The shock of my actions takes him off guard, but not enough to knock him down. We scuffle a bit, but he gets me.

His arm suffocates me where he's trapped me against him. He points the gun at my temple now. My breathing is shallow. Everything hurts. I reach down into myself for courage. This son of a bitch is trying to take away all that I've gained and struggled for! Not happening!

Erin screeches, and I ram the back of my fist into his groin. He lets out an oaf and steps back from me. Involuntarily, he doubles over, and his hands immediately go to his crotch.

I take a chance and grab for the gun. With all my might, I twist it out of his hand. He reaches for me, but I scrabble back. The cold metal in my hand soothes me for a moment. The back door flies open, and my father rushes into the room. Dad tackles the guy, still reeling from my hit. Dad subdues him in seconds, crushing the intruder's face into the tile floor.

My father yells at me, "Get something to tie him!"

I reach for the roll of duct tape that was conveniently left by the stupid ass that broke into our house. I pass it to him with my free hand.

With swift, agile movements, he confines our attacker in silver duct tape like a mummy. My father, never leaving the guy, grabs the gun from me and smashes the guy on the head with it, knocking him out. Dad stands.

Erin's shrieks and cries break through the scene. I rush to her and get the tape off her. I look up at my mother, who has said nothing, but who has eyes that are puffy and red. I notice that my shoulder hurts. I absently rub it, and my hand involuntarily clutches my necklace. Then I walk over and free my mother. Erin is in Dad's arms, whimpering uncontrollably. Remarkably, I don't feel much of anything.

Erin is still clutching Dad when he hands me the gun. I take it. He sits Erin back down in the chair. Dad picks up the man like a sack of potatoes. "Follow me," he orders in his typical monotone voice. So I do.

The man swings limply in his arms as we walk out the back. The spotlight on our house illuminates another man who is lying on the steps. He looks odd. His body is twisted awkwardly. I step closer and realize that his eyes are open. This man is not just unconscious—he's dead.

Dad's arm is bleeding. There's a gash about five inches long down his forearm. Blood is trailing behind him as he slumps the intruder in the back of our van. I gingerly skirt around the dead man on our steps. I stand next to my dad at the back of the van. The scene before me is surreal in a horrifically ordinary way.

"I need you to wash down the kitchen and back steps with vinegar and water. Wash everything. Call the O'Connells and have them come pick you up. Stay with them until I come to get you. Pack a bag, because you may be staying the night." He rattles off instructions stoically. He takes the other man from the steps and puts him in the back of the van too, and then he shuts it.

He looks directly at me now. "Take care of your mother and sister. Make sure you all stay at the O'Connells. Go."

Chapter 18

Mannegia (mah-nej-ah): Damn it!

Megan

In the kitchen, I find Erin and Mom. Erin is sitting in Mom's lap. The heavy object in my hand registers and I notice I am still carrying the gun. I put it on the counter and take a bucket out from under the sink. I run hot water into it. The cabinet with the vinegar is right at my feet. I pour the white vinegar out and mix it with the scalding water. The steam and vinegar mixture burns my eyes.

I take a dishtowel and wipe down the gun. Then I wrap it up and place it in the center of the kitchen table. The bucket sloshes as I move it from the sink to the floor. I wash the counter, table and the chairs, the refrigerator, even the light switch. I take more dish rags and start cleaning the floor on my hands and knees. Soon the kitchen smells like an Italian sandwich—tangy and sour.

I don't look at Mom and Erin. I just do the job my dad asked me to. I don't think about why, or how at this moment I could have been dead or cleaning up my sister's blood—I don't think, I just do.

My mother and Erin get up. "Pack a bag," I say, still washing. "Then call the O'Connells to come get us." My voice carries a familiar tone—one low and resigned.

Antonio

I am so fucking relieved. I didn't lose her. She came to find me; my beautiful Megan came to find me. I can hardly believe it. I could have held her all day. I always knew she was strong.

Once, I was walking home from school in the sixth grade. I was alone, which didn't happen very often. Even in elementary school, people gravitated toward me.

I heard a girl yelling. It wasn't a crying or sobbing yelling. It was an angry yelling. The high-pitched shouting was filled with vehemence. I turned the corner to find Megan backed up against a wall with two kids from our class advancing on her. They were two assholes that moved out of town a few years later. They were closing in on her. To this day, I don't know what was going on, if they were teasing her or just being the asses they always were, but Megan wasn't taking it. She was giving it right back. She swatted her backpack at them and told them to go to hell. Her fiery red hair was blowing loosely around her sweet, but fuming, face.

In an instant, the shouting and yelling stopped. Megan's eyes locked with mine. The two chooches turned to see what had caught her attention. One look. One look was all it took. They ran like the devil was chasing them. I moved toward Megan slowly. She looked scared. I only wanted to see if she was all right. I thought maybe I could even walk her home. But she mouthed the word thanks and sprinted away from me.

Down at the docks, Vito and Louie are drinking some beers. Ronnie isn't here. His shoulder is really bad. He has to keep it immobile. The doctor's afraid that the wound will heal wrong because of all the tissue the bullet shredded.

"Hey, Tonio!" Vito hands me a beer. "When is the next hit? I'm pumped to rip the shit out of Sommersville again."

"We'll see." I didn't want to tell anyone that Pop has a meeting with the boss of Sommersville. The two bosses are going to try to call a truce, even though Sommersville fucking started it.

"How're things with Red?" he asks nonchalantly. I don't want to talk about her either. I don't want to screw things up. These guys could slip to someone that we're planning to sneak around. I can't wait for tomorrow night. I want her with me always. I have to know she's mine. Megan calms and soothes me. I have a sense of completeness when she is around. I want all of her.

"I gotta take a piss. Be right back." I use nature to get away and avoid these questions.

I slip between some crates and large green recycle bins. I lower my zipper. A thwack and a heavy shuffling noise come from the other side of the building, toward the water. I zip back up without pissing. I crouch. Sommersville comes to mind. Are they really going to try again?

A couple of slashing sounds resonate. I move forward. The light is weak, so it's hard to see. A dark liquid is running across the boards of the dock and into the water—thick, like blood. My gaze shifts to the source.

Spread out on a plastic sheet is a body. It's missing an arm; it's definitely a man. My vision scans the gory scene in front of me. The other arm of the body is being sawed off. And the person that is doing the sawing is Megan's father, Patrick O'Neill.

Holy shit! The fuckin' Cleaner!

He moves in quick jabs with efficiency. His face is impassive. The way he guts this guy proves his experience and strength. The performance is actually masterful. I watch both sickened and in awe as he reaches for a bottle. A sizzling sound trickles from the extricated arm's fingers. He's burning off fingerprints. Mr. O'Neill continues to dismember the body methodically. Then he walks the pieces wrapped in plastic down to the river, out of my line of sight.

My mind is reeling, processing. Does Megan know? She can't possibly know. What do I do? Part of me is still rip shit at this guy. He betrayed me and lied to me. The part of me that is still mad as hell at this guy wants to walk right up and call him a hypocrite. This is going to hurt Megan. Haven't I done that already? Now this. Would she even believe me if I told her?

Mr. O'Neill comes back to pick up more carefully and professionally wrapped body parts. Red blotches and spots have dried on his face and clothes. The wicked part of me wants to strike a deal with this man. A callous and evil deal in which I keep my mouth shut in return for Megan. Would he do it? Or would he try to slice me up and sink me in the river? Shit!

He takes another body that was hidden and lays it out on another plastic sheet. "I know you're there." Mr. O'Neill's voice is commanding and low. Is he talking to me? He begins working again. Mr. O'Neill takes a syringe and plunges it into this man's leg. Then he starts again.

"I know you're there, Antonio. I've been doing this for twenty-five years. I know when someone is watching me." I take two tentative steps toward him. "All I wanted to do was keep them safe." It doesn't sound like he's talking to me, but I know he is. "My girls being with anyone in the mob puts them in even more danger. I've been so careful." His voice is reflective. "This happened before."

What happened before? I want to ask, but yet I don't want to interrupt his thoughts. I come out of the shadows and stand across from him. The corpse is sprawled out between us.

"I was away at a job in Dublin. There was a runner." He pauses. "He just irritated the Boss so much I got called in to finish the guy." He puts his hand on the neck of the man on the ground, seemingly checking for a pulse, and keeps talking. "It happened in the middle of the night. Two guys broke into my cottage. We lived miles from the nearest neighbor. The way my wife tells it, she was sleeping. The girls were in our bed, too. They always slept there while I was away." He smiles to himself. "The two guys rushed into the bedroom. Megan was only five years old. She slipped down onto the floor and went into my nightstand. She took out the pistol I kept there. I didn't even know she knew about it.

"My wife said all she heard was three shots in the darkness and two bodies hit the hardwood floor. She grabbed the girls and ran. She drove them all the way to Dublin, and they stayed in a hotel. I found them in the city.

"My girls never went back to their home. I disposed of the bodies and grabbed what I could of our stuff. We got on a plane to America. I contacted your dad and he gave me this job, which we have been able to conceal for the past twelve years."

"What about Megan? Does she remember?" I ask.

"No," he reveals. "She doesn't remember anything. The child psychologist we spoke to said she repressed it, but it could surface at some point in her life. Another thing I'm afraid your lifestyle could contribute to. Erin was so young; there's not much chance she would ever remember." He's quiet and still.

"You have to do something for me, Antonio." He puts his fingers to the guy's throat again, and then lifts the body. He starts wrapping it loosely.

"What?" I ask.

"I need you to take Megan away from here. I don't want her to go alone. I know you are very capable. You can protect her in ways others can't. There are not many people I trust."

I pause, trying to process what he is asking. Maybe Megan and I have been soul mates all along. Maybe it wasn't her beauty or intelligence that drew me to her. The first monster she ever loved is standing right in front of me. I'm a monster too. And she's used to loving monsters.

"You just told me to fuckin' stay away from her. You tried to sabotage our relationship. You put her through hell! You're telling me you trust me. What about you? I can't fuckin' trust you!" My anger escalated.

"That was all before what happened tonight. I realize now that I can't protect my girls from this. I put her in the danger that I swore would be you, but it wasn't. It was me."

"What are you going to tell her?" I hiss sarcastically. "Oh, I was wrong, Antonio's a great guy. Go away together—have fun!"

"I already booked her on a flight to Notre Dame for Friday. But now you'll leave in the morning. After tonight, she'll understand. She needs to get out of here while I sort this out. I'm going to send Erin to some friends of mine out of state. I want them going in opposite directions."

"What happened tonight?" I ask, anxiety settling in.

Mr. O'Neill looks down at the man on the ground.

"They came after my family."

Fuck!

My eyes widen.

"She's okay. Just do what I tell you and everything will stay that way. I'll talk to your father. Here's the address of where she's staying at." He pulls out a small card and hands it to me. "Now go."

I nod and turn to leave. I walk back to the guys.

"What happened? You shit too?" Vito laughs.

"Ha," I say, deadpan. "Funny, asshole!" I quip back. "I'm out of here. Ciao."

Her father thinks some fucked up crap. I'm dangerous and bad news, but he's not?! What kind of dream world is he living in? I guess I'd be like that too if I had been doing what he has had to do for all these years.

I jet out of there. Talk about the shit hitting the fan, mannegia! Talk about fucked up! My movements are on automatic as I weave through the streets toward home. Patrick the Cleaner O'Neill wants me to go from boyfriend to freakin' bodyguard. Shit, I'll take it. A fresh burst of red flashes across my vision when I think of Megan in danger tonight.

Thank God Patrick is going to talk to my father. I don't want to see his face when he finds out I'm leaving with Megan for Notre Dame in the morning. With Donny getting better, it shouldn't be such a problem, but I'd prefer not to piss him off.

Chapter 19

Ciao (chow): Goodbye

Antonio

The next morning, I roll up to a nice house outside Palmetto on a small country road. The house is light blue with a picket fence. The grass is pristine, like someone cut and trimmed it painstakingly with scissors. Even through this mess of shit, I'm stoked to see Megan, to kiss her and hold her. To go away with her! Even if I have to see that chooch Troy, it's worth it.

I ring the bell. I only wait a second before the door flings open. It's Erin and she's sobbing. Oh shit! Crying girl!

Erin lunges at me, still sobbing. She wraps her arms around me and attaches herself like a tick to my side. I feel the wetness of her tears staining my shirt. I lift my hand to her back to console her.

For a split second, I have an amazing big brother twitch. Comforting her is my only concern. I have never seen this girl anything other than happy. Then my mind races with, why is she crying? Whoever made her cry is going to be beaten and bloodied. Was it the guys from last night breaking into her house and she's still upset? Is Megan okay? Is someone hurt?

Megan appears in the doorway. Her eyes are red-rimmed and teary. Erin pulls away from me. She wipes her eyes and looks at her sister. Megan steps forward and takes her into a hug. Then she shuffles forward with her sister in her arms and encapsulates me in the hug too. I feel like I'm in a fuckin' Hallmark commercial. I don't know why everyone is crying and it hurts to see it happen.

"What's going on?" I ask softly into Megan's ear. She shakes her head, not wanting to talk about it. I rub my fingers down her cheek, feeling sick at seeing her this way. We all disengage from the hug and quietly walk into the house.

I see luggage waiting by the door. I can hear voices speaking in low tones in the kitchen. In the corner, huddled in a chair, looking very guilty, is that kid from the other day. The one whose mom picked up Erin.

Megan's mom comes out from the kitchen. She doesn't speak to me.

"You have everything?" she asks Megan.

"Yes," Megan replies.

"Hello, Mrs. O'Neill," I say. I want her to know I got her number. I know she hates me.

"Hello, Antonio," she haughtily replies. "Could you put those in the car?" She gestures to the bags, and then she narrows her eyes at me.

Great, fuckin' bodyguard and valet! But did it really matter if I got to be with Megan?

I pick up the luggage and head out to pop the stuff in my trunk. I put the bags next to my own duffel and shift the school work that my new tutor gave me aside. As I snap the trunk shut, I see Patrick with Erin on the side of the house. She's still crying and waving her arms. Patrick looks weary and tired. He holds up a finger to her to tell her to wait a minute. He strides over to me.

"Antonio. Thanks for doing this," he says with effort.

"I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for Megan." I would do anything for her. Being with her is all I want.

"What did your father say to you?"

I light a cigarette before I answer and take a long drag. All these crying girls and shit is doing me in.

"Pop was put out, I guess. But he's got plenty of others to do the jobs. He feels more comfortable when it's Donny or me, especially with all the shit going on with Sommersville." I pause. "My mother was the one that said I should go."

"I need your help with something else," he says.

"Wow," I say sarcastically. "For someone who wants me to stay the fuck away from their daughter, you're asking for a lot of help." I crush out the butt of my cigarette and drag the ashes across the driveway with my foot.

"With what happened last night and what's gone on here this morning, I need Erin to go with you too. I'm afraid she's close to snapping."

"That's fine." I like the girl. Megan would feel better having her around. I know it. "Who were you going to send with her?"

"I hadn't figured that out yet. I was planning on asking you. I have to keep my girls safe." His voice sounds almost desperate.

"If you're relying a lot on me," I add, "I'd say Vito would be your best bet. Missing school isn't going to be detrimental to his already horrible grades."

"I don't trust him."

"You didn't trust me either." We stare at each other.

"If he puts one finger on my daughter, I'm holding you responsible."

"Are you serious? She's a kid," I say, disgusted. So that's where he's going with the trust issue.

"Well, she's my kid"—Patrick's voice is filled with menace—"and she's been hurt."

"He's got a reputation, but he's not a child molester. Mannegia! I don't know what has happened over the past twenty-four hours, but whatever it is, you're scared. I get it." I wait, but he doesn't respond, so I continue, "You asked my opinion and I gave it. It's your call."

A frown mars his face. "Okay. Call him. You guys better hurry up or you'll miss the flight." Geez, he's the one holding us up. I can't fuckin' win.

I quickly make the call to Vito, and then I go back into the house to get Megan and Erin. A new bag is by the door. Erin is bellowing at the kid slumped in the chair. Megan, with a carry-on bag on her shoulder, takes Erin's hand trying to pull her away.

"I hate you!" Erin screams at the kid.

"Connor!" a woman calls out. "Come into the kitchen." He gets up, head hanging. Erin kicks him in the leg and storms out of the house. I shake my head and take her bag. I reach for Megan's hand and squeeze it.

"What's all that about?" I ask.

Megan leans in and whispers, "He's cheating on her."

SHIT! Red forms in front of my eyes, and I snarl. I spin around to go after him. Megan grabs my forearm.

"Please don't!" she cries. "Let's just get out of here." I allow her to lead me out.

Patrick is settling Erin into the back seat of my car, talking softly to her. Her arms are crossed, and her face is horribly tear-streaked. I have a lump in my throat just watching her cry. I set the bag in the backseat next to her. If Megan hadn't calmed me down, I would have torn that kid's face off. Patrick kisses her, and then tugs Megan in for a hug.

Mrs. O'Neill is standing at the window, watching this exchange. She doesn't come out of the house. I'm guessing she doesn't approve of this little arrangement. I think me taking her two daughters away is probably one of her worst nightmares.

I get in and so does Megan. She leans her head against the glass of her window. She looks totally spent. Patrick leans down into my open window, giving me last minute instructions.

"You know the drill. Be cautious of everyone. Don't let them out of your sight." He hands me a piece of paper. "Here's the address at Notre Dame. I got you two guest suites on the campus. I will contact you when things are safe enough to come back."

"Got it."

"Where is Vito meeting you?"

"He'll be waiting at the gate."

"Good."

Sniffling is still heard from the backseat. I back out of the driveway and start driving toward the airport.

Megan doesn't lift her head, but she reaches for my hand and squeezes it. I notice her face is still moist with silent tears.

"Jesus Christ, Megan, what happened?" I stroke her hand with my fingers, wishing I could hold her until the tears stop. But I have a job to do. I need to get Megan and her sister out of here and on a plane.

*****

## Megan

I can't stop them. They just keep coming. Tears flood down my cheeks as the car rumbles down the road.

Where should I begin to even remotely answer his question? Should I tell him the part that makes me numb or the part that makes me cry?

The tears are for my sister. The beautiful, loving, happy sister I almost lost to a bullet, and that I then lost to an asshole. Erin has never been this way. I fear for her state of mind. Her hurt and uncharacteristic behavior frightens me. I felt the crushing of my sister's heart when she found Connor with that girl last night. I wanted to kill him for it. She needed him. After the fear of last night, she needed comfort. But she only found pain. I'm worried about how much she can take right now.

I'm trying really hard not to succumb to the horror of last night or to the repulsion of the hidden life my father leads. When my father finally made it to the O'Connells, he told me. I can't rid myself of the ickiness that is now constantly crawling up my throat. His words of confession rattle around in my mind. Disgust and anguish sicken my stomach where butterflies used to be.

The betrayal of my parents singes my soul. I'm a victim, a victim of my environment, just as much as Antonio is. My father is the devil, and I am his spawn. Antonio and I are more alike than I could ever have imagined. This upsurge of emotions crackles and burns underneath my skin. Discomfort, shame, fear, anger. The only solace I have is that Antonio and my sister are here with me. Right now, they are the only two people I trust.

Where the fuck do we go from here?

ARE YOU READY FOR MORE? Follow Antonio and Megan's Story in Awakening the Mobster. Get it free at:

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