
Spanish: 
Hola chicos
soy Hermann Tilke
Y estoy "excitante" de mostrarles el nuevo circuito de "Manky corps"
Lo que hemos hecho es tomar todo lo que hacía único a Magny-Cours y sacarlo completamente.
 
Los circuitos viejos y tradicionales están obsoletos y el diseño del tipo circuito callejero ha sido utilizado.
 
Hemos quitado también todo lo que crece.
 
Si, incluso el cesped.
 
Y lo reemplazamos con más alquitrán.
 
Por todos lados.
Absolutamente nada verde vive aquí ya.
 
Al carajo, es el futuro.
 
 
 
 

English: 
(Chris in a ridiculous German accent)
Hermann Tilke,
*What the hell is Manky Corps? Some sort of warfare group comprised solely of Mankey Pokemon?*
What we have done is take everything that made Magny-Cours unique and completely remove it.
*Classic Hermann*
Old, traditional tracks are outdated and the vastly more favorable street circuit layout has been used.
*What kind of street layout is this? Formula E?*
We have also removed anything that grows.
*Anything?*
Yes. Even grass.
*Well, I don't think it's legal in France to begin with*
And replaced it with more tarmac.
*Greenpeace is coming for your ass*
Just everywhere.
Not a single bit of green even lives here anymore.
*Seriously, you need to watch out for the treehuggers*
Fuck you, it's the future.
(long-ass Robot Wars-inspired theme plays)
(That seemingly never has any end in sight)
(Except it always does but it's just so unnecessarily long)
(Ah, yes. The title card!)

Spanish: 
 
Ronda 8! Francia!
Tras la subsecuente nota alta dada por Michael Schumacher
se convierte en el primer piloto este año que clasifica delante de un McLaren.
 
David Coulthard lentamente comienza a caer en la fosa.
Califica 3ero.
 
Al fin!
Una lucha que vale la pena!
 
Aquí estamos.
Los coches en la grilla,
y vamos!
Todos largan, pero la mejor salida la tiene Jos Verstappen.
 
*decepción*
Qé tal se siente que tu hijo,
 
Que tiene la misma edad que yo,
 
ya está haciéndolo mejor que tú?
La 2nda largada va en orden.
 
Schumacher sale increiblemente bien
pasando a Hakkinen por el 1er lugar.
Eddie Irvine va por fuera de los dos McLaren.
Ambas Ferrari están 1ero y 2ndo!
 
Es algo bueno que los tifosi no estén aquí ahora.
 
 
Ohhh
mierda

English: 
(You've gone past 1 minute and there's no racing yet)
(beep) Round 8! France!
After the subsequent high note of Michael Schumacher had gone through,
he becomes the first driver this year to qualify ahead of a McLaren.
*It's taken him THIS long?*
David Coulthard is slowly slipping through the cracks.
He qualifies 3rd.
*Oh brother. DC's won 4 races in ≈2.5 years, while Mika's won 5 in ≈0.5 years. He needs to step it up!*
Finally!
A battle that's actually worthwhile!
(beep) (unexplained prolonged black screen time)
So here we are.
The cars are on the grid,
here we go!
Everyone gets away, but the best start on the grid is Jos Verstappen.
*Look at how he inched forward! He makes snails look like Jean-Denis Deletraz!*
(tsk) (shameful sigh/groan)
How does it feel that your son,
*The almighty one*
who is the same age as me,
*And deserves all our praise*
is already doing better than you? (beep)
The second start goes as planned.
*Indeed it does! Schumacher's into 1st!*
Schumacher gets an incredible start,
taking 1st away from Hakkinen.
Eddie Irvine goes round o- the outside of both the McLarens.
Now both the Ferraris are in 1st and 2nd!
*Hooray!*
It's a good thing the tifosi aren't here right now.
(Earthquake rumbles)
(Either that or the tifosi have stampeded all the way from Italy)
Ohhhhhhhh
ssssshit.

English: 
*FORZA FERRARI MOTHERFUCKERS*
No! No! No!
(Death metal music plays in the background)
NO!
*Way to stick it to the tifosi!*
Away with you!
*Go back to where you came from!*
(Chris drags on a Marlboro)
(heavy sigh)
*You probably wouldn't sigh so much if you didn't smoke those Marlboros*
Let's continue.
*Why? I've seen enough F1 races to know this race is gonna be boring!*
(tsk of the century)
Schumacher continues to lead.
*See? The leader hasn't changed! I told you it was gonna be boring!*
I feel a bit…
*Bored? Unenthused?*
*Me too*
giddy. Like…
*Seeing a car out in front completely distant from the rest of the field makes you giddy? WOT?*
if I- I kinda enjoy Schumacher being first.
*Well, I suppose a red car out in the lead is much more flamboyant and exciting than a silver/black car*
Oh my God, it's taken over!
Ah, I can't stop it!
*Are you oll roight, there m9?*
(Chris gurgles then gets impaled by a stake)
(Some sort of foreign music takes over)
Come on, Schumi! (beep)
Hakkinen spins coming onto the chicane.
*What an untalented pillock*
I'm starting to feel a sense of happiness come to me.
*This is the first time all season!*
I've realized something.
*That you need to either improve your content or get off YouTube?*
I hate McLarens!
*Even better!* (beep)
Schumacher pits, giving Eddie Irvine the lead of the race.
*The only lead he'll get all season. Probably during his whole career too.
I swear, there are a lot of very good drivers from England.
(Chris' fact-checking minion he locks in his basement in the background): Umm… Irvine's from Ireland.
Ah. Oh well, at least we have David Coulthard.
(Chris' minion): He's Scottish.
Oh, for fu- (beep)
Mika Hakkinen pits for the final time.
And he comes out of the pits 3rd.

Spanish: 
 
No! No! No!
NO!
 
Fuera ustedes!
 
 
*alivio*
 
Continuemos.
 
 
Schumacher continua en cabeza.
 
Me siento un poco...
 
raro. Tipo...
 
estoy disfrutando que Schumacher esté primero.
 
Oh Dios, me ha tomado!
No lo puedo detener!
 
ghh ghh
 
Vamos Schumi!
Hakkinen hace un trompo en la chicana.
 
Estoy sintiendo un poco de felicidad en mi.
 
Me he dado cuenta de algo.
 
Odio los McLaren!
 
Schumacher en los pits, con lo que Eddie Irvine pasa a liderar.
 
Lo juro, hay un monton de buenos pilotos de Inglaterra.
Uhhmm, irvine es irlandés.
Ah. Oh bueno, al menos tenemos a David Coulthard.
Es escocés.
Oh, a cag-!
Mikka Hakkinen en el box por última vez.
Y sale en 3er lugar.

Spanish: 
Alguien más irá a los pits?
O esa parada no ha hecho nada para la carrera de Mika?
 
Coulthard al box.
Puede Hakkinen ir tan rápido como para pasar a Coulthard?
Bueno...
No precisaba ir tan rápido porque McLaren la ha cagado TAN mal en la parada de Coulthard.
que hace 10 años Senna hizo una parada más rápida en Brasil.
"Flashback"
 
Veamos las increibles habilidades del box de McLaren.
 
 
Qué!?
 
Q-Qué!?
 
No me jodan!
 
 
*CLAP*
*CLAP*
*CLAP*
*CLAP*
*CLAP*
Buen trabajo.
*CLAP*
Buen Trabajo.
32 SEGUNDOS
 
Y para agregar más leña al fuego,
Coulthard tuvo que parar DE NUEVO
7 vueltas después.
 
Pobre, pobre bastardo.
 

English: 
Will anyone else go into the pits,
or wil that pitstop have done absolutely nothing for Mika's race?
*Why not have both?*
Coulthard pits.
Can Hakkinen keep going fast enough to make it past Coulthard?
Well…
he didn't really need to RACE that fast, because McLaren fucked up Coulthard's pit SO bad,
that 10 years ago, Senna did a faster pitstop in Brazil.
(Underpaid choir of Chris' clones): ♪Flaaaashbaaaack♪
(Hahey, it's 1988!)
Let's see the incredible skills of the McLaren pit crew.
("Brinstar" theme from Metroid continues to play as nothing happens)
(Brinstar theme cuts off)
(In denial): What?
*It's a pitstop, what do you expect to happen?*
(Shocked): W-WOT?!
*The McLaren pitcrew and the McLaren MP4-30 have the exact same competency levels!*
(Bitter): Oh, come the fuck on!
*You can't rush perfection, my boy. Patience is a virtue*
(sarcastically): 👏🏻
👏🏻
👏🏻
👏🏻
👏🏻
👏🏻
(Still sarcastic): Good job. 👏🏻
👏🏻
(Sarcastic + pissed): Good job. 👏🏻
👏🏻 32👏🏻seconds.👏🏻
(beep)
And to add even MORE fuel to the fire,
Coulthard had to pit AGAIN,
7 laps later.
*I don't even need to say anything, McLaren are just a self-induced joke*
Poor, poor bastard.
*Would you believe he would end his career an F1 vice-champion?*

English: 
That's what happens when you drive for McLaren. (beep)
Once again,
Michael Schumacher wins the French Grand Prix!
*Aww yeah!*
His 3rd consecutive win of the season.
*"Consecutive"*
*His first win was in Argentina, 5 RACES AGO*
But what about Irvine?
Hakkinen is trying ever hardest to- overtake on the last corner.
*He's such a tryhard*
But to no avail.
*Because when has Hakkinen ever prevailed in a one-on-one battle?*
Eddie Irvine takes 2nd place,
And it is a 1-2 for Ferrari!
*Well, this would've certainly been a great day for 3-month-old me!*
*I hope the tifosi don't go too insane over this*
Christ on a motherfucking bicycle.
*That's not actually an impossibility; someone might be riding a bike dressed like Jesus*

Spanish: 
Eso es lo que pasa cuando conduces para McLaren.
Una vez más.
Michael Schumacher gana el GP de Francia!
 
Su 3era victoria consecutiva!
 
Pero, e Irvine?
Hakkinen lo intenta todo para superarlo en la última curva.
 
Pero no lo logra.
 
Eddie Irvine llega 2ndo.
Y es 1-2 de Ferrari!
 
 
Cristo en una Bicicleta del demonio.
 
