Some of the most popular kinds of games are First-Person shooter games.
And the granddaddy of the entire FPS genre has to be DOOM by ID Software here.
This game is an absolute blast - you get to carry a ton of weapons.
You get a pistol, a shotgun, plasma rifle, rocket launcher - you name it.
The only problem is: when you're using one of the weapons...
they never really bother to explain where the other weapons go.
Hmmm...
[Immersion Intro Music]
Burnie: And so I thought, "What better way to test the inventory systems of First-Person Shooter games,
- than to come out here to the ass crack in the world
- and run two idiots through an obstacle course?
Geoff: What?
Hey, what's up, two idiots?
Geoff: Shut up.
Gus: Fuck you.
Oh, stop whining. We haven't done anything to you yet.
Burnie:  Alright, so once again I asked Griffin,
Griffin: Howdy!
To come out and figure out a way to equip these guys to fend off a demonic invasion of Mars.
Burnie: Whaddaya' got?
Griffin: Got some armor...
Burnie: Safety first, as always.
Griffin: Right, next we have a pistol.
Burnie: Okay - so we're gonna abandon safety right away.
Griffin: And then down the line, we have the shotgun...
Burnie: Shotgun? Alright...
Griffin: Next, and then we have a Double-Barreled Shotgun.
Burnie: Ah - from DOOM 2 - the Double-Barreled Shotgun, okay.
Griffin: And then, next, we have a Chaingun.
Burnie: Wow, okay.
Griffin: And we have a Rocket Launcher, with rockets, and here we have the Plasma Gun.
Burnie: Plasma Gun, or as I'd like to call it, "Number 6 from DOOM".
Griffin: And then we have the B.F.G..
Burnie: B.F.G. 9000... Wow.
Burnie: And as we all know, B.F.G. stands for really, really, fucking heavy gun.
Wow, that IS heavy, yikes.
Griffin: Alright, and then finally, we have a Chainsaw.
Burnie: Gas-Powered Chainsaw -
No FPS soldier's complete without one.
Burnie: O-kay, so now, all we have to do is figure out how to get all of this, onto one of those.
No-no, YOU guys. Yeah.
You might wanna, like, stretch.
[Intrumental Epic Music Cues In]
Gus: I's --- I used to play football in high school!
These are pads, it's what we call them.
[Intrumental Epic Music Continues]
Gus: (Exhales Sharply)
Burnie: How you feeling?
Gus: (Winded) Ha-aah...
Burnie: Ready for - Ready for action?
Gus: (Incredulously) What?
Burnie: Ready to save the universe?
Gus: This is it! - it's just an inventory test...
Gus: I carried it!
Burnie: For when we o - open portal hell - Nope -
Burnie: We're gonna run the obstacle course.
(New Instance) Alright doesn't seem, like, there's
Something can I - like - OH MY GOD THERE'S A DISGUSTING FAT DEMON, LOOK AT THAT THING!
OH GROSS, IT'S IN A YELLOW SHIRT! TERRIBLE! KILL IT! (Snickering)
Burnie: Alright, you ready?
Geoff: Yeap.
Burnie: Let's go.
(Laughter)
Burnie: (Inaudible)
Geoff: This is just what it was like to be in the army!
Burnie: Is it?
Geoff: Yeah, it's no different.
Burnie: Let's go to the obstacle course, then. You lead the way.
You're shedding rounds, my friend!
Griffin: So, we set up a hundred-yard obstacle course.
Burnie: I love it - it's got abandoned cars,
ditches, thorns - very post-apocalyptic.
Griffin: So our two test subjects will start at opposite ends and race each other to the center.
Burnie: Right, the feasibility that we're trying to test here is whether or not they can move quickly
with all this gear on top of them.
Griffin: Right.
Burnie: Okay, good test.
Are you guys ready?!
set!
GO!
[Other Epic Instrumental Music Cues In]
Burnie: Gus?! Go - Go! Gus, MOVE, GO!
Burnie: (Laughing) Man - man down! Man down! Get up!
Griffin: (Laughing)
Gus: Help...
[Other Epic Instrumental Music resumes]
Geoff: This is so heavy, oh my God... (Sharp Exhale)
Gus: NO - I can do it! ... I can do it - I'm fine!
Burnie: Get up!
Burnie: Gus, get up - come on!
He's like a turtle - look at him - he's like,
he's just rocking back and forth!
Griffin: (Laughing) (Inaudible)
Gus: I need some turkey!
Turkey, stat!
[Other Epic Instrumental resumes again]
Geoff: (Groans) This is the crappiest... tree I have ever seen...
(Panting)
Geoff: Did it! Told you it was easy...
Gus: I'm gonna make it...
Burnie: Okay, so: results - Geoff; You finished the course in, about what...
Geoff: I think it was, like five minutes.
Burnie: Gus; you did not even, really START the course ever, we're not really sure what happened there.
Gus: That was uh... Bad footing.
Burnie: Bad footing?
Gus: Yeah.
Burnie: You had bad feet - attached to bad legs?
Gus: It's all there.
Burnie: It all makes sense now -
Uh, Geoff? Big winner, wins science for the day - congratulations to Geoff, and Gus,
even though you lost, you're a good lab rat, so we have a consolation prize - we have a pellet(?) for you out there.
Gus: Is that a beer?
Burnie: It is.
Gus: Nice! See ya, sucker!
Burnie: YOU get to fire a Rocket Launcher.
Geoff: This thing fires?
Burnie: Oh yeah, that's the business end - just point it and shoot. Just hit the tire underneath Gus' beer.
Burnie: Ready?
Geoff: I guess so...
Gus: Hey - wait, what's that?
(Death Scream)
Next week on Immersion.
(Door creaks open)
Burnie: (Whispering) Guuus?
Good morning, Gus! How are you feeling?
Are you ready for a little Immersion experiment this morning?
Gus: Muh(?)
Burnie: (Laughing) Come on. Hey just (we?) (shi?), get out of the bed, sunshine.
Get in the truck and come with us... I know you feel terrible, you feel bad cause' you've been drinking
tonight?
Gus: Mm-hmmm...
Burnie: Don't worry, we have something that will make you feel a LOT better.
So, let's get your clothes on and let's go, you ready?
Gus: Are... Are you in my house?
Burnie: Tha- (Chuckling) THAT'S the spirit!
