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Dani's Shorts 7

(A collection of short stories based on the elements from The Iron Writer Challenge, Weekend Quickie and Quick-E)

Volume 7

by

Dani J Caile
Dani's Shorts 7

(A collection of short stories based on the elements from The Iron Writer Challenge)

Volume 7

by

Dani J Caile

Smashwords

ISBN: 9781370411085

Published in the United States of America with international distribution.

Version 1.0

Blog: http://danijcaile.blogspot.hu/

Copyright © Dani J Caile 2017

All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental.

######  **Table of Contents**

**Preface / Acknowledgement**

**Challenge 183**

**Challenge 193 : 2017 Spring Equinox Tournament (Prelims)**

**Challenge 194 : 2017 Spring Equinox Tournament Final**

**Challenge 200**

**Challenge 202**

**The 2nd Dani J Caile Invitational (2015/2016)**

Challenge 204: The 2017 Summer Solstice Preliminary Round

Challenge 205: The 2017 Summer Solstice Final

**Challenge 207**

**Challenge 209**

**Challenge 211**

**Challenge 212: 2017 Autumn Solstice Preliminary Round**

**Challenge 213: 2017 Autumn Solstice Final**

**Challenge 214: 2017 Annual Final**

The 3rd Dani J Caile Invitational (2017)

**April 2017 Flash Fiction**

Weekend Quickies

**Quick-Es**

List of Elements

**Biography**
**Preface / Acknowledgement**

Okay, so Dani's Shorts 6 wasn't the last. I occasionally submitted into an Iron Writer Challenge this year (2017) and won the Spring Equinox Final, and then the Annual Championship! I also couldn't stop myself from doing the Weekend Quickies, they were just too addictive.

Then there was the Writers Games 2017 but I missed the cut, so I wrote one of the flash fiction pieces, just to see where I'd place. About halfway. I've included the short piece here, see what you think.

And another regular short story series started over at one Iron Writer's Facebook page, and I also decided to join in with that one. So, this little collection of shorts is a combination of all three; challenges, quickies and 'Quick-E's.

I will continue writing flash fiction and perhaps 'Dani's Shorts 8' will appear in the future...sometime. So, I hope you enjoy what you read – because there might not be any more coming in a long time (is that a cheer?). You could always check out my back catalogue... (now I hear a rumble...)

IMPORTANT NOTE: These stories are written by adding the elements shown at the top of each flash fiction story, and by using those words, many being rarely used and unknown in the language, I am not 'showing off' in any way, merely doing the task given.

(back to ToC)

**Iron Writer Challenges**

#  Challenge 183

Elements – a music stand, a blue feather duster, an antique gold photo frame, a minor catastrophe

A Better Place

The man crouched naked on the music stand with a blue feather duster stuck up his derriere. The wife and the chief of security, Bob, stood some distance away, watching.

"So, when did this start?" asked Bob. He looked around the refurbished and strikingly golden office. It was amazing, though painful to his eyes and sense of style. How could anyone work in this? An elegant yet large antique golden photo frame sitting on a new gold-plated Bechstein grand piano looked out of place in this room of vulgarity.

"I'm not too sure. It could have started with the booby trap over the door when he arrived, but that was just confetti. It didn't do him any harm, just made him jump a little," said the wife, wincing every now and then due the sight of her husband's polka dotted posterior.

"Uh-huh." The naked man gave sounds similar to a pigeon as the blue feather duster shook alarmingly.

"The remote controls didn't affect him too much, either," said the wife.

"The remote controls?" asked Bob.

"Yes. There weren't any batteries in them. It took us two weeks to finally replace them all." They stood in silence as the naked man flew from the music stand to the large comfortable sofa, landing with a belly flop. "And it wasn't the prayer mats. We took them away before he knew they were here. He used one as a towel. And the whoopee cushions...he didn't notice any change."

"I see," said Bob. "All minor catastrophes. But they've certainly taken their toll, haven't they?"

"Yes. The five hundred pizzas ordered for the same time went by quite well, too, considering they were all Mexican Green Wave," replied the wife.

Bob noticed the large main desk in the room was sitting on its side, bashed and missing a leg. "What happened with that?" Bob asked, pointing. He walked over to it, making sure not to disturb the naked man who was now trying to mate with a gold silky-smooth cushion.

"Oh, the desk. That could have been the tipping point, though I can't be sure," said the wife. She quickly checked her makeup. One never knows when the next press conference would be.

"The desk? What's so special about the desk?" asked Bob. Scratch marks were all over the wide, slim drawer. Someone had been trying to open it.

"There was a note on it saying 'Secret Muslim agenda'. He spent all morning trying to get that open. I think it's superglued."

Bob grabbed it and had a go. "Yes, definitely glued."

"Oh...no, I've got it. It was the Wifi," said the wife after a few gasps.

"The Wifi?"

"Yes. No one knows the Wifi code. He hasn't been able to use his Twitter account on his phone for over a week now." The wife, realising the problem, began to cry. This set the naked man off, running around the room with a hop, skip and jump while cawing wildly.

"And the world is a better place for it," muttered Bob. "I'll send in the boys."

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 193

# 2017 Spring Equinox Tournament (Prelims)

Elements – a woman in a clothes dryer, menstrual cramps, a hairbrush without bristles, a wooden hanger

Down in Little India, Southall, London

"Mrs Hatherwaite! What in hell's name are you doing?" said Darshit, walking into his laundromat to see legs dangling from his largest clothes dryer. He knew they were hers from the bulging blue varicose veins. And no one else did their laundry at this time of night, either.

"I'm keeping warm, it's lovely and cosy in here," giggled Mrs Hatherwaite.

"Get out of there this insta... oh my!" The sight froze his blood. Thankfully, not much light could penetrate into the contraption, but from what he saw in the second before he closed his eyes, he could only describe her as completely naked. "Mrs Hatherwaite, why are you not wearing anything?"

"Well, the sign does say 'When finished washing, please remove all clothes'," laughed Mrs Hatherwaite.

With some brief glimpses, he saw she was drinking from a wine bottle.

"Mrs Hatherwaite! Not only are you naked in one of my clothes dryers, but you are also drinking!"

"Oh, this? Drinking? It's only my third! Fancy some?" She offered the bottle but Darshit refused.

"Mrs Hatherwaite, you can't get... 'drunk naked' in one of my clothes dryers!" What was he to do?

"I've got my menstrual cramps, red wine always helps... hey, 'Darkshit'! Come on in, I'll take you for a spin," laughed Mrs Hatherwaite. She reached out and took his collar, pulling him closer.

"Mrs Hatherwaite! Please!" Fighting back, his right hand found something on the top of the machine and he brought it down to use against the insane woman. It was a hairbrush... without bristles. He made a mental note to take some time out of his busy schedule to clean the place up a little. An unexpected kick made him drop the useless item and he blindly searched for something else as he struggled on. His hand found a wooden hanger.

"Come on, 'Darkshit', take a spin with me!" She was strong for her age and Darshit couldn't resist for much longer. In a momentary flash of inspiration, he put the wooden hanger into the back of his coat, thus stopping her from taking his shoulders in. She persisted for a few more minutes, but he'd won the battle and she let go. "Oh, you're no fun!"

At that moment, Darshit's wife walked in. As usual, her phone was clasped to her ear while she rabbited on with her sister, so she didn't notice him pushing Mrs Hatherwaite's blue veined legs into the dryer and closing the door.

"Hello dear," said Darshit, trying to look 'normal'. His wife put her phone down for a second. Before she spoke, a noise came from the dryer.

"You spin me right round, baby right round..."

"What is that?" asked Darshit's wife.

"Err, nothing, dear. Just the radio... in the back room," said Darshit, resting his elbow on the dryer's door.

"Oh. Well, don't hang around here all night, I want you back home in ten minutes," she ordered, leaving the way she came, with her phone to her ear.

Darshit knew it would be one crazy ten minutes.

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 194

# 2017 Spring Equinox Tournament Final

Elements – Smokestacks at night, unknown assailant, a maze, a chamber pot overflowing with radioactive candy bars from a parallel universe

The Chase

I had broken our laws.

And now I was living my own personal hell. If anyone knew, the consequences for the Congregation would be disastrous, catastrophic. No one, absolutely no one was to cross the border between our world and theirs without permission from the Ministry of Erudition.

But I had. The urge was too strong, a parallel universe with untold treasures waiting for us beyond the Shards? A chance that had to be taken.

So, today, once reaching the chosen age, I used the briefest of opportunities, travelling there and back, grabbing what I could from the places and shops I happened upon and re-entering within the limits laid down by Doctor Everett so many centuries before. But it all went wrong. I was followed. How could I be so naive to think I could get away with it? A man, an assailant, shouting, verbally assaulting me as I ran from one universe to the other, chasing me through the streets, following me back. I could not lose him!

"Stop! Oi! Stop!"

At no point should he ever catch me! For the sake of the Congregation, for the sake of myself. But he was still on me, so I ran towards the safety of the city's great smokestacks, churning out their pollutants into the night sky. Only there, in the maze of pipes and machines inside the factories of our illustrious leaders, would there be an escape. I looked down to check my haul from the raid, a chamber pot overflowing with radioactive candy bars. On the open market they would sell for peanuts but I knew an avid buyer who would pay a handsome sum.

"Oi!"

He was so close, brandishing something in his hand, threatening me! I tried to weave and dodge through the factory floors, around machines, under pipes, up stairways and down ladders, but I couldn't shake him! With one last effort, I sprinted ahead and for a moment, I was free. But at what cost? I could run no more, my legs were dead after the chase, and the radium seeping from the candy bars was surely the reason for me feeling weak and sick. A welcoming cubbyhole appeared between two pipes and I dived for cover, allowing my legs to rest.

For a moment I relaxed, gazing in wonder at my radioactive candy bar filled chamber pot. And then I heard it. On the gangway above there were steps, turning this way, then that. Someone slid down a ladder and landed nearby. I listened for another sound, anything, but silence filled my ears.

There was a touch on my shoulder! I knew right then it was the end!

"Got ya!"

I turned to face him, knowing what was to come, the arrest, the holding cell, the trial where I would...

"There you go!"

Something rested in my palm, and with sweat dripping down my neck, I looked into my open hand. A coin?

"You forgot your change."

As I sat there losing my mind while staring at the copper-coloured metallic money, he walked away.

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 200

Elements – The Proclaimers 500 Miles (anything you take from the song), a Quest, chocolate, the Evil twin

Charlie's (an) Angel

"But I will walk five hundred miles...!" screamed Charlie my twin as I pushed him down the dirt road in the only wheelchair we could find at the village we passed through three days ago.

"Charlie, you're not walking though, are you?" I said, and regretted it instantly.

"There you go! Moaning about how you need to push me in this wheelchair! I twisted my ankle on that rock! I'm the one who needs to suffer constant agony! And I'm the one who has terminal cancer!" shouted Charlie for all the vultures to hear as the sun beat down on our heads. I stopped pushing and looked around for any sign of life. A strange sound made me turn back to Charlie.

"What was that?" I asked, noticing something which looked like a wrapper in his hand.

"What?" said Charlie with his mouth full. He hid the offending item into his pocket.

"That... that was a chocolate bar, wasn't it? You said all we have left are a few slices of bread and some milk!"

"I need to stay alive, Craig! I need to finish my Bucket List before I die! How can you be so self-absorbed? I'm going to die, Craig! Die!" I shook my head and continued on pushing him along the road. This quest to 'find himself' before he 'moved on' was beginning to take its toll on me. I felt so tired. An urge appeared below and I had to go.

"I have to go."

"What, here?"

"Over that ridge. I'll be back in a minute," I said, running up the slope and down the other side. There was a half-dead bush to pee on at the bottom.

"Don't take too long! Those vultures look hungry! And you never know who's driving down this road! Bandits, murderers, rapists!"

Rapists? As I finished off, my phone beeped. A signal? Since leaving civilization behind our phones hadn't worked properly in days. Maybe there was a tower nearby. Fifty-four emails, seven messages...wow... the messages were all from Janice at the company. The last one had a link to a news item. I clicked it. With only five percent on the battery, I slowly made my way back to Charlie. When I looked up from the page, shocked by the news, I saw Charlie standing by the wheelchair, having a cigarette.

"What the...! You can stand?"

"Oh! It's a miracle! My ankle feels much better!" said Charlie, dropping his cigarette into the road. I held up my phone so that he could see it.

"Now I get it. What do you take me for?" Charlie squinted into the screen and smiled.

"A fool. As always," he said, laughing.

"You bought me out," I said, not believing my own words.

"Yep. I had to. You weren't dying quick enough, so I had to spend a little money to get that deal of a lifetime from Havers." He was evil, pure evil...dying?

"Die...dying?"

"I swapped the files at the hospital. You're the one with cancer, Craig."

My head began to spin and I sat down as he continued to laugh. I didn't feel well...

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 202

Elements - A sunrise, a revelation, a fairy tale, Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?

Revelation

I sat there with her lying in my lap on the edge of the forest, watching the upper limb break the horizon.

On that night, with the drinks, the laughs, the fooling around and the amphetamines shared around the camp fire, forever warming our carefree hearts, I had a revelation. My mind, one moment wiped out with fun and wasted from the party came clear the next instant, and all seemed so elementary, so simple. Life became one flowing luminous spiral through the trap of time and I saw all. The uncaring, screaming creature that held the universe together was one with me, and we soared through a multitude of neutrons and protons in the dark matter soup.

Gone were my worries of not being able to get the rent together for next week, or fix the bike that seized up from lack of oil and funds, or stop the boys from smashing my kneecaps in due to not making the next payment on my amplifier. Gone were my troubles of dropping out of college, working in a supermarket stacking shelves and failing to keep up with the financial needs and desires of my last girlfriend.

But this girl, this girl... I felt the morning orange sun touch my face as it grew in sight, warming my cold skin and drying the cold dew which lay there. The sun stirred my heart, as she did. I could feel she was awake, eyes open.

"That's nice," she said. I lowered my head and kissed her on the cheek, feeling my lips caress her cool face.

"Yeah, baby, it is."

"It feels like a fairy tale, like it's not real somehow." Her arms wrapped around my legs and she hugged them.

"None of it is. All we have is each other and nothing else."

She sighed and we watched the movement of the sun, bringing fire to the earth and waking life once more. The shadows of the land, asleep in trees and hedges, stretched tall and long, running from their tormentor until they were finally caught and scurried back from whence they came. The fields of wheat and barley swayed this way and that as they grabbed what rays they could to escape the blanket of sleep.

"What will we do when we get back?" she asked. Her question meant nothing to me. There was nothing to go back to.

"Whatever we need to do," I said, the words emanating from my mouth sounding strong and pure for once in my life. I knew what was to be done. And she felt it, lifting her head and meeting mine, kissing me. One look in her eyes told me all I wanted. She was the one.

"Will you make me happy for the rest of my life?" she asked, smiling and resting her head on my shoulder.

"Well baby, I'll give it a shot, but if I can't, I'll die trying." I kissed her as the final slither of sun ripped from the horizon.

(back to ToC)

#  The 2nd Dani J Caile Invitational (2015/2016)

Elements - 80 Challenges (110-179) (80 elements in 600 words! (630 max))

The Old Family Recipe

"Where am I to find a new born baby tonight?" asked Eva the witch.

"By the Mason bees on the top shelf, next to the love cactus," replied her ghoulfriend, Maria. "Mind that poison dart frog, though, he's frisky today."

Eva reached up but her big red nose hit the demonically possessed jar of nutella and a skirmish ensued. The Airedale Terrier ran off and pissed on the possessed car parked in the corner. It got angry and a star shaped opening appeared and the dog was sucked into hell.

"He should've worn a parachute."

"We have a large patio umbrella... how's this?" She wore a paper crown. Maria's frown said it all. "Stop it, you'll give me anxiety."

The foul mouthed parrot named Percy squawked some expletives and farted, the odor smelling of Asafoetida, his personal wrath.

"Eva! How could you?"

"Mistaken identity." Eva whistled to Percy. "Sing me a song tonight." Percy farted again.

"Are we making this or what?"

"Sorry. What's next on the list?" Eva ran around the cavern picking up ingredients as Maria read them out.

"Picante sauce, a smelly sweat sock - size 43, bacon - essential, pancake batter..."

"Spider!" Eva flicked it off its web and it scurried across the floor. Eva waved her wand and it turned into a twenty-foot dragon. She made it disappear.

"That was almost as bad as your spell when those kids played Ding Dong Ditch. Can we get back to the list?"

"Okay. Ready."

"Seeds from an empty bird feeder, wombats - two..."

"What? Hang on! How can the bird feeder be empty if there are seeds in it?"

"Just get on with it, that's your task!"

"You're like a nagging spouse! Or a child doing a handstand. Irritating."

"We haven't got all night! Now... a bag full of owl feathers..."

"Do you remember Egypt, the Pyramids, the dance party... I got the best Christmas present, a fairy tied to the end of a ball of yarn..." Eva slapped her forehead. "Oops, I think I've made a terrible mistake. Yesterday I sent a friend request on Facebook to a leprechaun."

"I told you not to wear those X-ray glasses, they make you go crazy."

"What's the point of living if you can't..."

They both sighed and Maria continued on.

"Leaves from the plant Dendrocnide Moroides."

"We're out. I lost that bet, the one with the crossbow and the original Matisse painting?"

"That was due to drunkenness."

"That was due to being in a basement. And my handwriting was awful."

"Not to mention your aim!"

"I know." Eva showed the old scar under her leg warmers. "They were pirates, every one of them. They'd sell their mother if she were pregnant."

"Ooo, that guy, the one with the peanut butter stuck in his mouth? He had asthma, too."

"The 400lb man whose t-shirt didn't cover his belly?"

"That one."

They shivered.

"Okay. More."

"A mouse - white, fish - trout but cod's okay, and two hot dogs - from St. Andrew's golf course, fossilized remains of a three-legged fruitbat..."

"What?"

"A five-legged insect..."

"What are we making, rabbit stew? Bombay Duck?" Eva wiped the sweat from her brow. "I'm dying for a coffee."

"Concentrate! You're not Sonja Henie. When you multi-task, you're like a man shoveling water. Remember the burnt toast?"

"You'll inscribe that on my gravestone, won't you?"

"After I bury you with a shoebox of your childhood memorabilia and take the gold teeth from your dead body."

"You were born in a barn, weren't you?" scowled Eva. They heard the sound of drums in the distance. "Quick! Get that rusted lock oiled, our lives may be in danger later!"

"Well, bang goes the old family recipe. I told you we couldn't do this on Halloween night."

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 204: The 2017 Summer Solstice Preliminary Round

Elements – a talking piano, a novel (real or fictional), a photo album, an osiria rose

Play it again

"Play it again, Sam," said my owner, a slightly delusional literary nobody named Charles.

"Firstly, my name isn't Sam, it's Hans. Secondly, Sam was the pianist and I'm a piano, a talking one at that but there you go, we can't all be perfect. And thirdly, stop leaning on my fallboard! Playing me is one thing, tinkling on my ivories, so to speak, but pressing against me like that... it's too much," I said.

"Sorry, I forgot." Charles stood up from my seat. He held a small photo album and flicked through the leaves.

"Oh, not her again. And the photos? Oh, please. You Photoshopped them. I saw you on the computer, pasting your image onto all her Snapchat uploads."

"How else am I to be close to my soulmate? She is far, far away." He leaned against the frame of the French windows and looked out into the city below, dropping the photo album carefully on the side table.

"Far away? She works at the local KFC, just around the corner. Charles, this 'infatuation' you have with this fast food cashier is not real 'love', and nothing like the one Rick has in Casablanca with Ilra! They had something, they fell in love in Paris. All you have is California Zinger Doubles and Grill Twister Classic Boxes!" This whole obsession he had with this girl less than half his age was beginning to make my strings quiver.

"We converse, we share time together."

"Listen, Charles. You are the one who waits until her shift starts and makes sure you get served by her and only her. You are the one who strikes up a small conversation first. It's never her, it's always you."

"But she does converse with me, she smiles at me, and I..."

"Yes, you, Charles, you. It's all inside your head, get over it."

"Head? My heart, my heart. I wrote her a book..." That damn book and his damn dreams of becoming a writer! I can see it on the shelf, staring right at me, a book he wrote just for her.

"Charles, she's just being a decent person when she talks back! And she's doing her job! If she doesn't she might lose it!"

"She gives me extra ketchup!"

"That was once! And it was a special offer. Everyone got extra ketchup that day!" I pressed my damper pedal to make my words echo across the room.

"What do you know?" He began to sob and moved over to a bunch of osiria roses he'd bought yesterday, taking one and smelling it's strong fragrance. He was a good sort. A bit of a softy, though.

"Yes, Charles, what do I know?" I watched him wiping his tears away, caressing the rose as though it was the most precious thing in the world. "Why don't you just come over here and I'll let you play a little tune, okay?" He slowly made his way over and sat down, lifting my fallboard. He began to play. "What is that? That's not...?"

"Yes, it is. "Stressed Out". It was our song..."

"Oh, for heaven's sake..."

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 205: The 2017 Summer Solstice Final

Elements – Stonehenge, suffering, time travel, Arwyn's song

Revival

Half asleep driving down the A303 at night, trying to get back to London after a rainy two week holiday in Torquay, I spotted what I'd missed on the way there. The moon sat low on the horizon and shone through the standing monument of Stonehenge. I wondered about this great part of our history and whether anybody would ever find out what it was really built for... my eyes closed for a second and I shook myself awake as I felt the car swerve to the right. Shaking my head and taking deep breaths I saw something in the sky, a green tailed meteor hurtling to the ground and slamming directly into the middle of the famous landmark with a flash of light that momentarily covered the night sky. The road was empty except for myself, so I sped ahead and parked up as close as possible. With a sudden recklessness and energy, I leaped out of the car, jumped the fence encircling Stonehenge and stood over the meteor's crater. I heard a tiny moan from deep below.

"Hello?"

"Help..." came a whimpered reply.

I clambered into the hole and quickly found a smoldering rock about two meters in length. It broke apart to show a man, clothed in a strange outfit and quite definitely suffering from pain.

"What the...? Who are you? Are you an... alien?" I asked, not sure whether to run or stay.

"No, no, I'm not an alien. I'm from the future, a time traveler." He cringed and his face grew an ominous white, as though death approached.

"Time travel? Is that a thing?"

"Yes, it's a thing... help?" he asked. I grabbed him by the arms and dragged him out of the hole and onto solid ground. "Ah, Stonehenge, as I left it."

"So, you time traveled?" I asked. "Amazing."

"I am dying," he said. "I have something important to say. You will find that the world has changed forever. I must warn the people of this time..."

"What has happened? What have you come to tell us?" I asked, now wide awake and ready for any news from the future.

"A terrible thing..."

"Is it... Trump? Has his narcissistic, racist, lying ways brought the world to a grinding halt?"

"No, no, not yet," he said weakly. I thought closer to home.

"Brexit. Has Theresa May's Brexit plans destroyed not only the United Kingdom but also Europe?"

"Well, I'm not here for that, but... no, not that," he said, shaking his head and coughing.

"Is it her emails? It's got to be Hillary's emails," I said. He looked at me sternly. "Blacks. It's the Racism in the police force, isn't it?"

"No, not blacks. It's birdies," he said.

"Birdies?"

The man coughed and blood appeared on his lips.

"I... I don't have much time. You... you must warn them," he said as he grasped my collar.

"What? What must I tell?" I held him as he uttered his last words.

"A Birdie Song revival... oh, the horror..."

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 207

Elements - Hurt by Johnny Cash (whatever you take from the lyrics), bells, bells and more bells, a haunted church, a candle

The Bells

I watched her shuffle through the nave, dusting here and there, mumbling to herself. A little Italian woman, no one knew much about her, no one cared. Why she came to clean, only the shadows in the vestibule could say.

"Good morning, Mrs Moretti, how are you on this fine day?" I asked as I placed the hymn books on each pew, ready for the next mass.

"Thank you for asking, Father, I am as well as can be, yes," she replied. Her moroseness hovered over her like a fog. I couldn't help myself as I stared while she moved over to the small icon of Jesus, lit a candle from those available and knelt down to pray. She crossed herself and took out her duster once more, busying herself by cleaning the icon. I'd seen the same thing every day for as long as I could remember. It was time to ask.

"Tell me, Mrs Moretti, if I may, can I ask who you pray for? If it's not too much a discretion."

"Father, I pray for my husband, my son, my mother, my sisters, brothers...everyone I know goes away in the end..." Her sullen face darkened. "But most of all, I pray for the bells to stop. The bells... you can hear them, can't you, Father?" The church was silent except for her last words echoing in the transepts.

"Err... bells, Mrs Moretti?" I held the spare hymn books against my chest.

"Do you see this crown of thorns?" She gestured to the icon of Jesus. "I hurt myself to see if I still feel... I focus on the pain, the old familiar sting, and try to kill it all away." I took a step back. "But I remember everything... the bells, Father, the bells. This place is haunted, but you know that already, don't you Father?" Without warning, she placed her thin, bony hands on my robes.

"Do I, Mrs Moretti?" My initial inquiry had been misplaced. This woman was clearly insane.

"Why, of course, Father! Haunted by a thousand souls or more! At first you can only sense them, then, the bells... on the hour, every hour they hang from the ropes, the weight of their sins pulling down, ringing, ringing..." Her fingers touched my cross hanging at my chest. "And now..."

"Now?" I slowly released her grasp of my cross and smoothed it down against my robes.

"Yes! Now! Come!" She grabbed my arm and tried to pull me towards the bell tower door. An irrational fear enveloped me and I stood my ground.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Moretti, I remember I must do an errand for the Bishop," I put down the hymn books and grabbed my coat on the rack at the door. I left as fast as I could, not looking back, leaving the poor woman alone in the church. Some minutes later from the road I saw her walking away homeward bound. Before I continued on, I thought heard something. It was... a bell? Yes, a bell. Then I heard another. And another...

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 209

Elements **–** **image of an Iron Writer when young, a lyric from the song The Rain, the Park and Other Things by the Cowsills, a picnic, a Drive-In Movie**

What a Mistaka to Maka

The judge's gavel broke the silence. Our marriage had officially ended. I couldn't say it was all bad but it certainly wasn't good.

I met her some forty years ago at a drive-in movie. She wasn't even my date. That one had left me for the guy in the Corvette a few cars back. If I remember right, they got married, too, but she took all he had soon after. Anyway, it started to rain, and as I was leaving before the movie finished - don't ask me which movie, does that matter? We were there for the chance of getting lucky - I almost drove right into her. Well, she was wearing black. sitting in the rain, raindrops falling over her. She didn't seem to care that she was getting wet, but when my front wing just missed her head, well, I can't tell you what her first words to me were because that wouldn't be right.

I bumped into her the next day at the shops. Gave her an apology and somehow after some chat got a date, a picnic. It was summer, it seemed the best thing to do. Now that was some picnic! The sandwiches weren't good but the dessert... let's just say it wasn't pancakes!

Before a year was up, we were married and expecting a kid. What we got was the twins, and they were a handful! I've got a picture of them somewhere, Max sitting on her lap with Jess next to them, kicking away with his feet. It's a bit blurry, but then that was life then. It all went so quickly, we did what we had to do, they grew up, flew the nest, both got a wife and kids of their own. And I was left with her. Christina. The bitch from hell. Without the kids, without anything to focus on as we were both kinda settled into our jobs, I could see why all those years ago she was sitting in the rain at the drive-in. What a cow. What a witch. Nothing was good enough for her, absolutely nothing. Every day was a grind, moving on from one demand to the other, listening to her scream and shout about how I hadn't done this or how I hadn't fixed that.

So I left. I took my things and just left. Turns out that was the best thing for both of us.At first I occasionally drove by to see how the old house was, and she was there, watering the flowers out the front, smiling, content with life, humming away as she used to do when the kids were at home. And now, well, I got a small place out in the suburbs, not such a good neighborhood but whatever, and most of my spare time I spend fishing out by the lakes or tampering with the car.

Oh, everyone's leaving. Time to look her in the eye and say goodbye one last... hang on! What? She... she's a man? How can that be? Is that even possible? What about the twins? And the...? My life, my whole life...with a man?

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 211

Elements **–** **image of a man in a spacesuit with a boy on his knee, colonization, someone left behind, fear**

Nani

"Don't worry, Brian, I'll be back," said his father, ready to board the last shuttle to Colonization Voyager IV, its destination Mars Colony III.

"But Dad, I'm frightened! I don't wanna be left behind with Nani!" The truth was that he'd had nightmares about the mole on her chin, especially the three thick hairs growing from its middle.

"Now, now, son," he said, kneeling down in his spacesuit and holding Brian by the shoulders. "I have to go, don't you see? The colony needs a dental floss extraction engineer, and I'm their man." He tried to kiss Brian on the head but forgot he was wearing a helmet. "Ha. Damn, I can't take it off, I'll have to go through the contamination room again and there's no time for that. I have to go, Brian, but I'll send broadcasts every day."

"But Dad! I can't stand her pig-in-the-'oles and steak and kidney pies! And you can bounce her soufflés across the floor! Please, Dad! Don't go!" Brian ran into his father's chest, digging deep into his breathing apparatus and causing a few blips and beeps.

"Come on, Brian, get yourself together, she's..." He looked over at Nani, all 5 foot 3 inches of her, both tall and round. "...she's not that bad."

"Now you 'come on', Dad, you were the one who said her armpits looked and smelt like six month old Tamarins hanging on for dear life!" Nani crossed her arms and huffed.

"No, no, I never said that," lied his father, smiling as best he could at Nani.

"Two minutes to launch!" announced the loudspeakers.

"I really have to catch that shuttle, son," pleaded Brian's father as he held onto his leg. "Okay, all right, how about we get Nani to take a photo. Yes? Let's take one photo together. Okay? Nani, have you got the camera?"

Nani nodded, wobbling all her four neck rolls. A few moments rummaging in her handbag brought no success.

"Dad, don't leave me with Nani, please!" screamed Brian once more. His father stood up from his pose and went over to Nani, instantly finding the camera and placing it in her hands.

"There. Now, Brian, please, give a nice smile," said his father. Nani fumbled with the camera and gave a little giggle. "Oh, for f.... heaven's sake!" Brian's father had to go over again and show her which button to press.

After the fifth attempt, Nani took the photo and Brian tried to smile.

"Okay, Brian. Be a good boy and..." Smoke appeared around them and the loud boom of engines drowned out any words his father said, but Brian could see from his lip movements and hand gestures that they were bad ones.

When the smoke faded and the shuttle was a mere speck in the sky, his father, left behind, took off the helmet.

"Well, son, looks like we're both stuck with Nani now." They sighed as Nani gave little leaps of joy on the spot.

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 212: 2017 Autumn Solstice Preliminary Round

Elements **–** **a key to a locker at the bus station, a cat that is allergic to humans, a sock with a hole in it, a gift from a stranger**

Best Laid Plans

Tarck urinated over his fifth fire hydrant this morning and trotted off to the rendezvous. With a full stomach and an almost empty bladder \- he tinkled on another streetlight - he had nothing new to report.

"Where the hell have you been?" screamed his comrade standing on a trash can. Tarck chose the form of a dog, whereas Kreta had no alternative but to choose a cat.

"Sorry, I was waylaid by the amount of things I had to pee on," he said. It was true. "You know, if your DNA was compatible with the humanoid species on this planet, we could've transformed into those."

"However, it is not!" Kreta meowed. "A cat and a dog will suffice. Besides, these forms are better than those hybrid monkey slaves created by a deceased Annunaki surveillance crew stranded on this rock. We can move around unnoticed and observe without any imposition."

"Says the cat who's allergic to humans," said Tarck under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I said I got some sausages from a guy down the road. They were lovely."

"You know the rules! Never accept gifts from strangers! They could have been poisoned! And then where would we be?" Kreta coughed up a hairball. "Damn things!"

"Isn't it time to go home yet? I haven't got anything new to add," said Tarck.

"Me, neither. This race of beings only plunder and kill their own kind while destroying their habitat. Ignorant skinbags. I will approve the order to re-terraform."

"Good, I'll get the key." Tarck sniffed behind the trash can.

"Key? What key?"

"The key to the locker at the bus station where I stored the transponder."

"Really? And where is this key?" purred Kreta.

"In my sock."

"Sock?" Kreta hissed.

"Yes, my sock. I had to put it somewhere, I mean, do I look like I have pockets?" He sniffed around and picked up the sock. "Oh."

"What?"

"It has a hole in it."

"What did you say?"

Tarck pushed his face through the sock making him look ridiculous as the size 38 flopped on the end of his nose. "The key, it's gone."

"Are you telling me that our transponder is in a locker at a bus station and you've lost the key because you put it in a sock with a hole in it?"

"Yes," nodded Tarck. Kreta went ballistic.

"How could you? You know this 'superior' race can't make good clothing!"

"Smells like stinkfoot to me," sneezed Tarck.

"I don't care! Find the key!"

Tarck stood on the spot. "Ah."

"What now?"

"Well, I put the key in this sock at the bus station and carried it here, so..."

"...it could be anywhere?"

"Along that route, yes."

Kreta howled. "Ahhh! I don't want to be stuck here forever!"

"Then let's go and find it." Tarck made a start but Kreta slumped down on the trash can. "Well? Look, if we work together we..."

"We? I have more important things to do," snapped Kreta.

"Such as?"

Kreta yawned. "Licking my genitalia and having a long nap."

Tarck groaned and began his long search. Alone.

(back to ToC)

#  Challenge 213: 2017 Autumn Solstice Final

Elements **– kissing a stranger without permission, a dream catcher, disorientation, autumn leaves**

The Beast of Truth

The sound and texture of crumbling leaves woke me wet and cold. A multitude of trees loomed over, blocking my senses, with only the warm, light rays of the morning sun caressing the canopies above yet sizzling the cool dew covering the undergrowth.

A moment of disorientation caught my weak heart until the sight of the dream catcher hanging from a nearby branch calmed my soul. Tablita. Calling for him was futile.

I knelt and held the autumn leaves to my nose, breathing in their essence. My nerves spiked and I spun around to see a nymph, small, complete and perfect, standing over my crouched body.

"Hello. You have come. Good. We must hurry for I see there is little time," she said. A half smile etched across her mouth.

"Who are you?" My voice was far from me, shallow, from an unknown life, another spirit.

"A stranger. Come, follow me."

She moved like a breeze through the trees making no sound as I crunched and tripped, looking for balance on the unseen forest floor. I lost sight of her many times as we played cat and mouse, occasionally pausing to watch my exhaled breath warming the air around me.

She stood by a trunk, as tall as it was round, a king among nobles. "Come, It is here."

The tree, so ancient and thick was covered with gnarled, twisting bark and patches of large, bracket fungi.

"This tree, it's so..."

"I feel its presence." She stepped away and motioned towards a man-sized fissure that appeared. "It is waiting."

"What is waiting?"

"The truth." She allowed me to move towards the tree and I looked in, trying to penetrate the gloominess inside. This was it. Tablita had warned me. I had to meet the beast head on, least suffer the consequences ahead, those which threatened to destroy my life. I stepped inside.

The blackness wrapped around and I was alone, but not. Something was here, an entity I couldn't fathom. The truth.

A puff of breath broke the silence, a swish of fur clawed my chest. At first, a stinging sensation gripped my body and then the pain began. It had struck me. I stumbled out from the tree and fell to the ground. My clothes were wet with blood: I had paid highly for my misfortune. The nymph came closer, her eyes shining with exquisite beauty.

"The time was not right, you cannot yet handle the beast," she said.

She hung over me as my chest weakened and pain dulled. From my heart poured a thick, sweet, red honey that flowed over my fingers. A single tear rolled down her pale, cold face and for a moment blotted out one streak of blood. With one last effort, I lifted my head to hers and kissed her cool, dead lips, causing confusion and anger to flash across her sorrowful features. I fell to the ground and watched her disappear into the engulfing darkness. The autumn leaves smelled sweet and alluring.

(back to ToC)

# Challenge 214:

# 2017 Annual Final

Elements **– the Sanctuary of Truth, a question, an answer, either a lie or a truth, you must not say which**

With Love and Admiration

Alex stood under the intricately carved gateway at the main entrance of the Sanctuary of Truth. Both herself and Morgan had gone to Thailand to see its splendors and the Sanctuary was the pinnacle of their tour together. There was definitely something intrinsically fine about the building, with each whittle unleased showing the sculptor's skill and creativity, bringing a sense of awe and respect to whomsoever looked upon its beauty. But a worrying cloud of doubt and inquiry hung over the mood inside. It was certainly a great work of achievement on the part of all involved, but was it a 'truth'? Alex couldn't move from the thought that this place was nothing but a copy, a rich man's folly filled with sculptured oddities and cultural adornments of his own design. Nothing here was real except as an object of its own aesthetic pleasing.

Morgan came over and touched Alex's shoulder for one tender moment, only to disappear once more into the shadows of a mass of mythical figures fashioned from wood. Alex went back to the Naga guards standing over by the stairs. These snake-like female forms were nothing more than an example of the excellent worksmanship of the sculptor and the depth of a pocket. There was no truth in any of it. The website said it used art and culture as a reflection, a mirror of the ancient knowledge and philosophy and there was truth in that, but Alex saw a similarity with Plato's cave. No matter how elegant the sanctuary looked, it would never rise above the magnificence of the real world some meters away lying under the blanket of the sun.

What was this place but a recepticle to hold all that was dear of the Eastern culture laid down in the mind of one, for the greater duty of his own heritage. There was no supreme categorical imperative at work here; the walls, the carvings stank of heteronomous reason and self interest misunderstood as a semi-educated autonomous motive. This construct was as aestheically pleasing as a masquerade mask with the grotesque self-satisfying ego showing through the facade of a false pride, revealing an empty shell made from paper mountains and shallow rationale.

Alex watched Morgan step from one sculpture to the next in a silent reverence, being completely enthralled by it all. They had come, they had seen, and Morgan was happy. In this alone, Alex found integrity. There was worth in their visit, purpose in their strides. Although tempted to turn and walk away from what she considered an opulent blemish on the face of the Earth, Alex calmed her angered morality of the impurity permeating deep in every grain of wood. Maybe she'd found the truth she had been searching for.

"How do you like it?" asked Morgan.

"I've never seen such a place like this before. Thank you for bringing us here, it's given me a lot to think about." She smiled and hugged her partner with love and admiration.

(back to ToC)

#  The 3rd Dani J Caile Invitational (2017)

Elements - 35 Challenges (180-214) (35 elements in 500 words! (525 max))

Rockabye

She stood there, carrying a baby and blowing pink bubbles with her gum.

"Ah don't care if yer a national media cable TV anchorman, yer lyin' piece of...!" I thought of the last time I saw her, holding a blue feather duster and wearing only a dog collar... I heard three shots in the distance and a chicken with its head cut off ran down the street, chased by two ol' boys with guns. One of them wore a Fred Perry gingham shirt - these neighbors made the place look like a slum. The chicken ran by again, and a broken alarm clock flew past and knocked down. Back to the hangman's noose...

I looked into her eyes, the eyes of a vampire seeking blood - mine - and tried to slam the door, but her pair of well-worn cowboy boots kicked it open.

"Ah got me menstrual cramps again, gotta sort it out!" She handed me the baby and went into the bathroom. The baby cried, probably wondering who this unknown assailant - me - was. The Eagles song rang in my ears, "City girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile." This one opened doors with a 36 Double D push up. Her name was... Jasmine. She'd popped out of the coffin at my friend's Halloween/birthday party and spotted me, well, I am famous and all. She pretending to fall off the terrace but I was there to catch her in time - I got an eye-full of those Double Ds. One thing led to another: ice cream - chocolate, I can still taste it... and then down in the basement, away from prying eyes... the sunrise, the surprise find of moonshine hidden under some blankets - wow, we had a time. She was as beautiful as an osiria rose...

She came out of the bathroom and took back the screaming baby. "What you do? I got enough suffering, what with this baby being colicky an' all!" Out of her pocket she pulled a keyring with bells on it, and the baby began to hit them and giggle. The keyring looked like a plastic minature replica of Cupid as a giant topiary.

The Double Ds, now more like Triples after childbirth, caught my attention and yet another song popped into my head..."I love that flower girl, oh I don't know just why, she simply caught my eye..." Oh, I knew why she caught my eye, all right! My chest began to tighten and my old medical condition hit me. My heart beat too strongly and I rested on the nearest chair. My eyesight went hazy and my head was light. Fear raced though me as I began to lose consciousness. My view was filled by one of the baby's feet; it was kicking and had a sock with a hole in it. Disorientation took over.

"Hey! You still in there? Look, you gotta sign this here paper, you his daddy, right?"

(back to ToC)
**Writers Workout**

# **April 2017 Flash Fiction**

Guidelines: Before closed - Alone? Telepathy exists. Until today, your character thought they were alone. Core concept: show, don't tell. 500-4,000 words.

After closed \- The story is complete with a beginning, middle, and end. Telepathy must exist naturally within the described world. The main character must be telepathic and must meet another telepathic character. Core concept: show, don't tell.

No Longer Alone

Another scratch on my forearm appeared, thanks to the pervert in the corner booth of the café. He was sitting there with his refill, leering at me behind my back, his thoughts, darker every second, penetrating my mind, making me watch his sordid nightmares with my nubile young female body as his main prey. I flipped out my phone from my jacket pocket to ignore the deluge of dark images and checked Messenger, trying to focus but only seeing a mass of icons and blurred text. One moment of clarity amongst the thoughts bombarding me in this place showed there was still no answer from Macie. My heart raced a little more, my hand twitched. Why did I have to interfere? So her cheating boyfriend was thinking about the times he'd spent with his good-time girl, Jess. So what? Was it my business? They could sort it out themselves, they clearly had problems, as I did. This telepathy was a curse, always had been. A lonely, suffocating curse, squeezing my sanity, filling my head with the thoughts of others. Oh, for a moment's rest! My stomach growled. I was longing for some Fren...

"French toast, with coffee." On the counter lay the very things I...I hadn't thought of yet, let alone ordered. I looked up to see a new face, a young woman, unfamiliar to me, smiling.

"Tha..."

"You're welcome." She left for the kitchen in the back. Motionless, I searched for her in my mind but nobody was there except for the perv in the corner and the old couple by the window, both thinking as they stirred their teas about what they would do if either of them died. Bert the café owner wasn't around.

"Thanks!" I finally replied. I smelt pancakes, lovely pancakes, the sweetness filling my being with...it wasn't coming from my surroundings. I sniffed but all I got was French toast and coffee. What was going on? I heard the young woman shout some greeting and a door opening and closing. Bert was back from...the fish market, clogging my mind with prices and smells, the slimy texture of the salmon and his plans for the afternoon rush. However, the smell of pancakes lingered on, but not here, somewhere else. My nausea of the perv's twisted thoughts lightened and I found my head physically turning towards the café window, looking out. In the air I saw a strange colourful smoke leading into the street. No one else had noticed it.

On an impulse, and with my toast and coffee untouched on the counter, I pocketed my phone, walked to the door and left the café, leaving the perv to stew in his own disgusting cognitive juices and the old couple contemplating each other's morbid demise. I was drawn to follow.

The anxiety I felt when I usually walked the streets among people began to lift, and my steps grew lighter, my lips opening into a smile as the smell grew stronger, more pungent until I stood on a stone doorstep in an unknown street in front of a shiny, wooden red door. I was about to knock but it opened, revealing the same young woman from the café, with the same beaming smile.

"Welcome, Kathy, welcome to my home," said the young woman. Her name was Amisi, Egyptian for flower. "It's so good to finally meet you." She giggled and held my hand, her mind rushing through me like a warm summer's breeze.

#

(back to ToC)

#

# Weekend Quickie 204

Elements - .Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here, use these lyrics to inform/ inspire your story, a character that's conflicted, image of an open door and a desk

Where did all those dreams and intentions of a young boy disappear? At what point did the enthusiastic, hungry for life, free spirit turn into a caged, dead, monotonous puppet, repeating each day as the one before? When had his heart stopped beating, replaced for the logical coldness of his mind?

A ray of sun broke through the clouds, lighting up the contents of his desk: a journal and a gun. One bullet. It was all that separated him from release. But was this the answer? Who would it benefit? Was he being selfish? Or was it all for the best?

His phone buzzed and he took it from his pocket, and laid it next to the gun. Another e-mail. No message. Never a message. He opened the App and checked to see if his last reach out had been seen. No. Two weeks and nothing. What was wrong? He knew, deep down, but he denied it. He had to.

The journal. It was finished. No more words were needed. Only an action. He placed his hand on the cold metal and sighed. Standing up, he walked towards the open door of his small study. Perhaps another walk. Just one.

# Weekend Quickie 205

Elements - image of person kayaking on lake with star-filled night sky above, infatuation, color as a verb

Her apathy towards my infatuation blued my heart. I watched every night as she appeared and disappeared in my 'Friends' chatbox, hoping, just hoping she'd take a moment to open my last message, read it, maybe even give a short reply or some kind of acknowledgement of my lone existence, stuck out here in a small wooden cabin on the edge of a lake on the outskirts of civilisation. But there was nothing except my deadened heart. We used to talk, but now, as she became more obsessed with herself: her hair, make-up, looks, who to date and which friends to 'hang out' with, I was a 'nobody'.

After watching my laptop screen for many excruciating hours, I decided to go out and kayak. It sometimes helped to calm my thoughts and realise there were more things in the world than her.

As I made my way across the lake, my paddle broke the calm, cool surface, shimmering the reflection of the star-filled night sky. Looking up, it dawned on me as it did every night, that we were less than inconsequential speaks of dust in the immensity of the universe. But why couldn't one of them talk to me?

# Weekend Quickie 206

Elements - image of a cabin under snow, a diverse group of people find themselves trapped in a cabin, 5 days before Thanksgiving, candour

"...and I propose that we burn all unnecessary items to feed the fire," said the fat Pakistan who had assumed leadership among the survivors of the flight to Bozeman. From the cut of his shirt, Boyle could see the man was wealthy.

"What's the point," he mumbled. There were a dozen of them left from the walk off the nearby mountain where the plane had crashed. Finding the cabin was a godsend. Spending Thanksgiving here, only five days away, without food was not. Another couple shouted in a foreign language.

"We need to keep warm. The emergency services will find us soon. We must burn all we can." Sighing, the man took off his shoes. "My Salvatore Ferraro Loafers." He threw them into the fire, the flames leaping up the chimney for a moment.

"What's the point," mumbled Boyle again.

"What?" asked the fat Pakistan, catching Boyle's words. "The point? To live long enough until they rescue us!"

"We have no food or water. We'll die before they get here."

"We must try!"

Suddenly, a small crazed man jumped out from the survivors and stabbed the fat Pakistan to death. "Okay, well, that sorted out two problems," he said, smiling.

# Weekend Quickie 207

Elements - image of a Cuban car in Cuba, coup de foudre (love at first sight/bolt of lightning), Eleven Days Later

"It was 'coup de foudre' for him...well, after a pee and a word to the barman about no sugar and rum in the drink," said Terence, going on about his favourite writer in this place of all places, El Floridita in Havana. He'd worn Arthur down already with his incessant ranting on and on. "I think we'll stay here for a while..."

Eleven days later, filled with Papa Dobles and tired of the sight of the life-sized bronze statue in the corner, Arthur stood up from his bar stool.

"Who cares! Who bloody well cares! Why the hell are we here, anyway? AND I can't feel the alcohol in these!" said Arthur. "Who the hell cares where he drank?"

"I say, Arthur, are you okay?" asked Terence.

"Of course I bloody..." Slipping on a slice of lemon, Arthur fell forwards and hit his head on the right shoulder of Hemingway's statue. He lost consciousness for a moment and the next thing he knew, Terence was hovering over him.

"Did I ever tell you how he fought a whole village? One at a time, of course," said Terence, going back to his drink.

"Oh hell," said Arthur, giving into the darkness.

# Weekend Quickie 208

Elements - image of Roald Dahl's workplace, a metaphor about a box of Magic Markers, curiosity

Roald sat in his old chair and looked out of the window. He was empty, so empty. For weeks he'd sat here, waiting for something to happen. Sure, he could write short stories and poems until they came out of his arse, but a novel? Not happening. Taking his pipe one last time before the sun set below the tree line at the end of his garden, he spotted something in the corner of his eye. Among the stones and photos and misplaced books on his desk, there lay something else, something out of place. Curiosity being as it is, he moved his writing board off his lap and stretched over his desk to find out what it was. A set of four Magic Markers. Whose were they? They weren't his. His daughter Tessa had come into the room the other day, they must've been hers. Next to them was a picture. A boy next to a large round object, possibly a fruit, all drawn with the Magic Markers. His brain lit up with an idea! These vehicles of creativeness, conduits of imagination had opened up a gateway to a new story! He grabbed his writing board and started scribbling.

# Weekend Quickie 209

Elements - image of tattooed man playing a piano, insouciance, an invisible man

He played the piano in the packed club like an invisible man with insouciance. The people, the talk didn't matter to him, only the thoughts which ran through his troubled mind and the feelings which fed his pain and torment while his fingers caressed the ivories.

Tonight would be his last. He'd had enough, living a life with no meaning, no joy. Living another's desires with no fulfilment he could call his own. Catching a glimpse of the tattoos on his arms in the polished surface of the piano as he poured his soul out across the keyboard only drove him on further, knowing full well that they were for her, only for her.

The melody, long forgotten once escaping from his fingertips, wound round and round in his head, intensifying, increasing the poison within his heart until the final note beckoned. He heard it coming like the last toll of a bell, signifying there was nothing left to come.

Resonating through his ears, the note gradually faded and the sound of the people around enveloped him.

"Drink?" A bourbon was placed on the piano. He looked up at the vessel, the orange liquid glimmering in the dim light.

"Sure."

# Weekend Quickie 210

Elements - image of the Christmas tree at Rockerfeller Ice rink, New York, a bellman at The Plaza Hotel, NYC, Déjà vu

"What happened?" Charles found himself lying on the ice rink at Rockerfeller, staring straight up at the Christmas tree.

"He fainted," said a woman. A familiar looking man came into view.

"Do I know you?" Charles asked. The man helped him sit up, but Charles' head started spinning.

"Not unless you're staying at the Plaza Hotel. I'm a bellman there," said the man. "Was he knocked down?" asked the man to the woman.

"No, he just dropped like a stone onto the ice," she said.

"That's funny," said Charles. "You've already said that. Déjà vu. Ha! And I've seen you before," he said, pointing to the man. His head felt light, as though it would fly off from his shoulders.

"Looks like he's had a bad concussion, we must get him some help. Call for an ambulance," said the man. "Do you have any coverage?" the man asked Charles.

"I know what you'll say next," said Charles. He began to laugh. "Is this what life will be like from now on? Will I always be a step ahead?"

"Completely delusional," said the man.

"And really irritating," said the woman.

They dropped him back on the ice and left.

"Hello? Hello!"

# Weekend Quickie 211

Elements - image of family opening presents under the Xmas tree, Saudade or "A Nostalgic longing at Christmas", the North Star (Use it as you see fit.)

"Oh, look darling, the North Star!" Denise held the curtains back while her husband came over to see. He touched her shoulders lovingly.

"Wonderful, absolutely wonderful," he said.

"Oh, darling, how I would love a Christmas like we used to have, with the children waking us up early, running down the stairs, seeing what presents Santa had brought them..."

"Oh yes, those were the days."

"...and then they would fill the room with wrapping paper and bows as they opened them, laughing and screaming," said Denise, now walking over to the fireplace. She looked at the pictures of her family there.

"Yes, dear, It would be so good to bring those times back, but alas, we are alone. No more little people running around, no more shouting of joy and thanks for Santa," he said. HIs pipe was in his hand, now smouldering away.

"Yes, darling. Shame we had to eat them," said Denise.

"Yes,dear. But they did taste better than any turkey we'd had before. Turkey is so dry, whereas human meat, especially meat so young and succulent, is exquisite."

"Yes, darling." Denise moved over to the phone. "Shall I call over the neighbor's children?"

"Oh, you temptress!"

# Weekend Quickie 212

Elements - image of a beach with sunbeds, an impish muse, a New Year's resolution

They lay there on their sunbeds in the sand, sipping pineapple upside-down martinis and watching the waves lapping against the shore.

"Isn't this great! What a wonderful idea to take a break on New Year's!" Georgina stirred her drink with the pink umbrella stick. Her thin, petite figure matched her elf-like face to a tee.

"Yes, and I have the perfect New Year's resolution! I'm going to write that book I always said I would!" said Virgil, making an irritating sucking noise with his straw and the last of his drink.

"Oh, do you really have to?" asked Georgina, a little glum. "More time in front of your computer?"

"Why, yes! I've always wanted to write a fantasy, but...but..." Virgil stalled and looked far towards the horizon. "I can't think of anything to write about. I don't have an incentive, a muse."

Georgina giggled and jumped off her sunbed. She flashed her tight, contoured body at Virgil and sprinted across the sand.

"Well, if you can catch me, I'll be your little 'impish' muse!"

"Mmm, I feel a fantasy 'erotica' coming on!" shouted Virgil as he raced after her.

"I hope that's not a banana in your pocket!" she giggled.

# Weekend Quickie 213

Elements - an image of a glow-in-the-dark mushroom found amid the moss of the Monteverde Rainforest in Costa Rica, a starfish that grants wishes, curiosity

It was only my curiosity of the small static lights ahead which took me deeper into the rainforest. Bandits and thieves were well-known in the area, but I didn't care. It was dark, and I was wet and cold, looking for shelter in the dense undergrowth. Any light was welcome.

As I got closer, a small clearing appeared, damp, moist. A small pond reflected what moonlight came through the foliage of the trees and plants. Closer to the trees lay a clump of mushrooms, glowing in the dark. They were mesmorising. I placed a waterproof layer down and sat, placing my backpack beside me. The place was magical.

"Hello, traveller," said a small voice near the pond. I whipped my head in its direction and sat still, frightened, wondering what I should do. No one was there, I was alone. "Don't be alarmed, I will not harm you."

The surface of the pond began to ripple and my heart jumped. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a starfish! A talking starfish?

"I am the starfish of Monteverde, and I can grant you wishes," said the starfish, moving its arms slowly in a rhythmic pattern.

"Really? Okay, you know Trump?"

# Weekend Quickie 214

Elements - image of two almost naked men in Star Wars stormtrooper helmets sittin gin a kitchen, 17.31528° N, -87.53444° E (The Great Blue Hole just off coast of Belize), ineluctability (something that cannot be escaped or avoided)

"Look, teabag," said John.

"Are you referring to me?" said Dave.

"You were the one who said if I couldn't get the kegs off that bird last night, we'd have to spend today in only our underpants and Stormtrooper helmets. You helmet," replied John. "And complete and utter teabag."

"A bet is a bet. Ineluctability, my dear Watson. The repercussions cannot be escaped or avoided." Dave checked the milk carton sitting on the kitchen table. "This carton is deeper than the Great Blue Hole. And by the smell of it, more dangerous, too."

"Great Blue Hole? Are you talking about the time when someone tipped over that portable toilet you were in?" laughed John. "Which festival was it again?"

"Sziget. No, not that, I'm talking about 17.31528 degrees North, minus 87.53444 degrees East, the Great Blue Hole just off the coast of Belize." Dave shoved his Stormtrooper helmet into the milk carton and did his best Darth Vader impression. "Luke, I am your father!"

"He never really said that, you know," said John.

"May the Force be with you!" said Dave, bringing his head up, the milk carton still stuck to his helmet.

"Better that one than the other," laughed John.

# Weekend Quickie 215

Elements - an image of women demonstrating (Women Unite!), "The soul has no secret that the behavior does not reveal." Lao Tzu, a misanthrope

"They are quite the rebelious creatures, aren't they, sire?" said Jasper, bringing in his master's morning coffee.

"As one said, 'The soul has no secret that the behavior does not reveal'," said Precher the Mighty.

"Lao Tzu, I believe," mentioned Jasper. He put the cup down and awaited the next order. "A Chinese philosopher, from the 19th century."

"Yes. Look at them. 'Women Unite!' As though their actions would create a difference. Don't they know that the mighty 1% do not care what they wish? They would kill their own kind for a dollar," laughed Precher. "Kill a thousand for a nickel if it suited them."

"Yes, sire. Is the coffee to your liking?" Jasper watched as his master nodded in the affirmative.

"If it wasn't my job to make sure they continued to squabble amongst themselves, I would have rid the Earth of their kind many centuries ago. But...but somehow their actions create a certain curiosity within me, a loathing, an itch. How low can these beasts of the flesh go to make themselves in my own image, mmm?"

"Oh, sire, you are such a misanthrope," he said.

"You know I despise flattery," said Precher, who began to grin.

# Weekend Quickie 216

Elements - nodus tollens, an order of egg rolls, image of trainers on ice with a shadow below the surface

"I think I've just had a nodus tollens," said Dave, his consciousness flickering between standing on the ice and being inside it, with his trainers left behind, on the surface.

"What do you mean? Isn't that a made-up word?" asked Alice, sitting on the bank, eating her order of egg rolls as they steamed over her face in the cold air.

"I mean, I thought I knew where I was going, but now I'm lost in menialities and irrelevance. My Facebook posts now seem more important to me than my grades," he said, still being both above and under the ice depending on his moment of choice. "I keep trying to figure out whether I should do this or do that, or maybe go back and deal with something else... but I'm confused." He stood on the ice, allowing his wet clothes to freeze.

"My Facebook doesn't work anymore. Besides, I've forgotten my password," said Alice, finishing off the last egg roll and scrunching up the bag. "Why are you wet?"

"Because I keep doing this," said Dave, repeating the strange phenomenon.

"Oh," said Alice, watching him appear and disappear. "Good party trick."

"Yeah. Shall we go?" he asked.

"Where?"

# Weekend Quickie 217

Elements - image of swans swimming through street, Habromania, your character is making cake

"I can see swans swimming down the Severn!" laughed the head chef. He began jumping and skipping through the kitchen. The other kitchen staff tried to continue on with their jobs but it was difficult with their boss being slightly mad.

"Listen, you've got to stop him, we have a dozen orders waiting and all he does is this!" said the head waiter to the owner of Browns At The Quay restaurant.

"Has he been at the brandy?" asked the owner, catching a few pans which came his way as the cook flung them around while dancing.

"No. Apparently something happened at home, but we don't know what," replied the head waiter. The owner looked out of the window.

"Oh. The river's flooded! And is that...?" Both herself and the head waiter saw swans swimming outside in the river which had now flooded the walkway.

"I'm going to make a cake!" screamed the head chef, and quickly collected all the ingredients and utensils he needed.

"What shall we do?" asked the waiter. The whole room looked at the owner, waiting for her decision as the head chef merrily mixed up the base for a chocolate cake.

"Let him bake it."

# Weekend Quickie 218

Elements - image of smog over George Washington Bridge, New York City, 1973, an Augean Task, "bread and circuses"

"It always comes down to bread and circuses with you," said the stranger, watching the televisions through the store's window.

"Eh?" said the homeless man. He'd woken up to this black suited guy standing next to him and tutting his way along with the day's news.

"Look at you, so much corruption, so many lies, all for what? A dollar?" said the stranger. Was he even talking to him?

"I wouldn't mind a dollar," he said, hoping. He was feeling somewhat hungry, not having fed himself for a day. Or was it two?

"I came over the George Washington Bridge this morning, the pollution was incredible. Smog, you call it."

"Yeah, sure is. So, how about that dollar?" He held out his empty hand but no silver crossed his palm.

"It would take an Augean task to clean your society of all wrong-doings and set you on the way to enlightenment," said the stranger, who was still watching the screens.

"Well, you could start by enlightening me with a dollar. You know, the one you were talking about, eh, buddy?" he asked.

The stranger turned his head and looked into his eyes. He didn't feel right all of a sudden.

# Weekend Quickie 219

Elements - image of kissing couple in a telephone box, monachopsis, an oriflamme

This wasn't right. He had a feeling he wasn't where he was meant to be, he felt out of place. The whole afternoon had been fantastic, going out with Daphne the French student he'd met only a few days ago to the cinema, picking up a hotdog, walking along the riverbank and watching the ducks and swans... it had all been great, and then... his natural composure, suave sophistication, smooth talk, were all gone. He lumbered along, trying to keep up but lost all sense of reality.

"Are you alright?" she asked, concerned.

"I...I...I must go," he said, grabbing hold of the top part of the nearest bench.

"What? You want to go? But...but...what about...us?" She held onto his arms, her grip was strong.

He didn't know what to do. A few feet away was a telephone box. He had to make a call! He didn't know to whom, but he had to! With his head spinning, he broke from her and ran to the box, opening the door and grabbing the receiver. She put herself between him and the telephone, and like Joan of Arc holding her oriflamme high, she wrapped her arms around his head and kissed him.

# Weekend Quickie 220

Elements - image of pimped up car in front of 'Advance Auto Parts', indecision, grape jelly

"Hey, nigga! What you doin'? We ain't got no time for no autoparts!" slapped Raymond. "We gotta get that damn grape jelly 'fore the corner shop close and then when that happen your Mamma break your ass!"

Dennis punched the buttons in his lowrider one more time for the hydraulics to jump the car as they cruised past 'Advance Auto Parts' at a cool, smooth 5kmph.

"I don' know, Raymond, it jus' don' feel right. Ma baby ain't handlin' like she should, y'awl, you know what I'm saying?" He parked her up in front of the place and caressed the dashboard.

"Yoh, nigga! You can't do this! Your Mamma gave you the cheque to go down to the corner shop and buy what she want! She gonna kick your black ass across the city, boy!"

"I hear ya, I hear ya! There ain' nuthin' more my Mamma like than that damn grape jelly but my baby's sick, Raymond! She need some sweet, luvin' care!" Dennis opened his door and got out.

"Don't you do this, Dennis! Don't you dare! I ain't gonna save your ass from no whippin' 'cause you deserve it!"

Dennis stood facing the store, split in indecision.

# Weekend Quickie 221

Elements - image of garden from the viewpoint of something small, 300 miles, a salt shaker

"We've travelled well over 300 miles to get to this point, and I'm not going to quit now!" shouted Slather, sweat pouring down his slimy body.

"300 miles? You mean half way across the Thomson's garden," yawned Squelch. "Can't we rest for a bit in our shells?"

"What? Rest? Now? Are you crazy? Can't you see that we are almost there, at the answer to all our needs? Only a few moments out of our reach lies the greatest treasure of all - a picnic basket! There's sure to be salad and cucumber sandwiches in there!" Slather pushed on, with Squelch falling behind. "Ah, you will never be a success unless you try! Don't you want to eat something more than fungi and algae? Well, here's your chance! Come on!"

They continued on in this fashion until a shadow loomed over them, shapes both knew well.

"What... what is that? No... no! It can't be! After all we've been through!" screamed Slather, trying desperately to turn back, away from their prize.

"Yep. It's a salt shaker," said Squelch. "Oh well, good time for a rest." He hid inside his shell while Slather suffered a rain of salt and began to melt.

# Weekend Quickie 222

Elements – image of the sun at Key West, Florida, Waldeinsamkeit, disorientation

"This is..." James began his sentence but petered off, only continuing to run along the road surrounding by water.

"What?" asked Deidre, running almost alongside him, thinking about Adolf, her bit-on-the-side. The dying light of the huge orange sun skimming the surface of the sea lit their way on their evening jog.

"I...I...feel disoriented. It's...the poles," said James, keeping pace.

"The poles?" They had run this route every other day for the last six months and James had never mentioned any problems with the poles.

"Yes, they're like...trees, trees in a forest. Although I know I'm running on a long straight road, I feel, with those poles going by, that we're in a forest and..." He went quiet again.

"And?" She checked her sports watch, they had about half an hour to go.

"...and I feel... alone, but connected to...nature?" said James. "I feel a bit spaced out."

"Waldeinsamkeit?" asked Deidre.

"Sorry?" replied James.

"Waldeinsamkeit," she answered.

"Never heard of him," said James. "Is he an acquaintance of yours?"

"Waldeinsamkeit. It's a German word for being alone and feeling connected to nature," said Deidre.

"Oh," said James. He was silent for a while. "Since when did you know any German?"

# Weekend Quickie 223

Elements – image of a goat up a tree, a dozen doughnuts, a tenebrific mood

"I think I'm in a tenebrific mood," brayed Frot the goat.

"What the hell is that?" asked his friend, Mucho the lizard.

"I'm all darkness and gloom," replied Frot, standing precariously on the end of the top-most branch of the only standing tree in the plain.

"Why's that?" Mucho was always full of questions, though not many answers. He guessed that's why he asked so many.

"Because Fluffee the sheep told me that I'd find a dozen doughnuts up here if I tried," said Frot. The branch swayed a little with his braying.

"Well, did you find any?"

"No." Frot looked around the tree. "Perhaps I didn't try."

"Oh, I think you tried," said Nant the termite, coming out of his hole and surveying the scene. "You climbed every part of that tree."

"He's right," said Frot. "I tried. Question is, how do I get down?"

"Do you have any wings?" asked Mucho.

"Caw the crow has wings," said Nant.

"Did I have wings yesterday?" asked Frot.

"No," said Mucho and Nant together.

"Do I look like I have wings now?"

"No," they agreed.

"As I said, I think I'm in a tenebrific mood," brayed Frot. "Now, where's that sheep?"

# Weekend Quickie 224

Elements – image of man with cards, prestidigitation, zemblanity

"I am here to give you magic, I am here to give you prestidigitation!" smiled the conman through the microphone in the rally as he played with a pack of cards.

"What is he giving?" asked Audrey. She turned her hearing aid up a little to catch the reply from her husband, Bob. The cheers of the crowd almost deafened her.

"I think he said precipitation, dear. It's a good thing, what with the crops dying and all. There ain't been no rain for months now," said Bob, waving his flag.

"Oh good."

"It will be better, cheaper, 100% prestidigitation! What you had before, it was bad, so bad! Now you're going to have it good, so good! And now! Immediately! I will give it to you immediately!" screamed the conman. The crowd went wild and Audrey turned her hearing aid off. She clapped along with the rest of them. They all looked so happy, so ready for what was to come...

...and that was 65 days ago. Looking through the REAL news, Audrey shook her head. Even Bob was forlorn. Sitting in the living room, yet another killing headline hit the screen, leaving her with a sense of zemblanity.

# Weekend Quickie 225

Elements – photo of the Upside Down Plaza, a dive bar in Southside Birmingham, Alabama, a reunion, perspicacity

It was like the good ol' days, a reunion of buddies long time past. Gone were the days of all night drinking on the town and toking in the den. Now we wondered which parts of our bodies hurt the most and each time we caught our reflections in the mirror how much hair we didn't have anymore.

"Black in the middle pocket," said Goodge.

We'd come to the Upside Down Plaza, Southside, where they had this great basement pool hall. Good prices, good people. Goodge potted the black.

"Another game?" he asked.

"Sure." I was letting him win but keeping it tight, enough to not make him realise I was playing him. I could've taken him all night, but I needed to build his trust and more importantly, ego. "Another beer?"

"Yeah! Maybe you'll play better with more inside you!" he laughed, chalking his cue. As I went to order, he racked up the balls.

"Listen," I said when I came back. "Got a job over at Rock Creek." He broke and fluked a pot.

"Hey!" He smiled and lined up the next shot. "Yeah? What kinda job?" He gave that look. He was in, hook, line and sinker.

# Weekend Quickie 226

Elements – picture of Easter L'eggs, Easter Sunrise service, white patent leather shoes

"It's a bit chilly this morning," said Daisy, moving herself closer to keep warm.

"The sun's only just come up, what d'you expect? And we're sitting in the middle of a cemetery on a bunch of benches. Not the greatest of settings, eh?" I was irritated by her constant nattering while the Easter Sunrise service was on. But what was more irritating was her choice of clothing. "What the hell are those?" I asked, nodding my head towards her outfit.

"What, my shoes? White patent leather slingback pumps from Prada," she chirped. "Lovely, aren't they?"

"No. They're completely inappropriate for this event. No, I meant those!" I said, pointing to her tights. A man on the bench in front turned and shushed me. I gave a polite smile back.

"Oh, my L'eggs? They're so special! Easter L'eggs!" She stroked her legs but then put her hands back into her coat pockets to keep warm.

"But they're bright yellow!"

"Baby Chick Yellow, actually. And they're so invigorating! I bet you didn't know that they 'micro-massage' your legs," she said, adjusting her sunglasses.

"You could've at least covered them up!" I lifted one trouser leg to show my pair, Jelly Bean Green.

# Weekend Quickie 227

Elements - image of a couple on their wedding day (70s), any line from the song, "Delta Dawn", a somnambulist

"Whatever happened to Dave?" asked Fred.

"Dave? Oh, he got married to that bird, Dawn," replied Bob, rolling up another joint.

"Dawn? But she was a bit of alright! How the hell did he get her?"

"Yep, exactly. Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on, that Dawn. In a cute chipmunk kinda way. There was sure something special about her." Bob lit the joint and took a toke.

"Yeah, she was special," said Fred, waiting for his hit.

"I think I've got a picture somewhere...yep, here it is," said Bob, handing over the cigarette paper-wrapped priced possession and taking down an old photo album. "Late 70s, it was. Dave had really long hair." He flipped through the pages. "Here." Fred laughed when he saw the wedding photo, more so than he should have probably due to an excessively large intake of the joint.

"Wow, so dated," said Fred, finally.

"Yeah, but what he didn't know was she was shagging their neighbor for years until the divorce," said Bob.

"What?"

"Yep. Dave caught her one night, in the garden, walking weirdly. She said she was a somnambulist. And he believed her!" They both laughed.

"A son of a what?" asked Fred.

# Weekend Quickie 228

Elements - Image of a dead tree holding empty bottles, a coterie, "From which stars have we fallen, to meet each other here?" Friedrich Nietzsche

"From which stars have we fallen, to meet each other here?" said Gareth, downing the last of his California Merlot.

"Why do you always quote Nietzsche after a merlot?" asked Darren, sitting with his own bottle of Louis Jadot Macon-Villages Burgundy.

"Because he was such a great influence on me. As is the merlot." He fell off the log he sat on, preferring the softness of the grass in the clearing to have a little snooze.

"Justin!" said Darren, trying to get the attention of the third member of five in their little 'coterie' after watching Gareth for a while. Ashton had left for a pee some time ago and hadn't come back, leaving his Mommessin Beaujolais cooling in the night air, whereas Kevin was knocked out, resting against a tall silver birch with an empty bottle of California Pinot Noir.

"Yes?" said Justin, opening one eye and sipping his Sonoma Coast Chardonnay.

"The tree. It's full." They stared at the centrepiece of their weekly soiree, a dead fir tree holding dozens of empty wine bottles from good times past.

"Well, bugger me sideways," said Justin, checking the level of wine in his bottle.

"We already did that," said Darren.

# Weekend Quickie 229

Elements - image of 4 people standing on the top of a van at night, Aeromancy, an anachronistic rebel

There she went again. Jane was the reason we were stuck out in this nowhere trailer park, because she could 'feel the vibes'.

"The wind is changing! Quick, we must go outside. The wind, it is telling us to go outside! Come!"

And like the sheep they were, Dave and Chad happily followed her. I looked over at Denise but she was immersed in her book. Sighing, I went outside to find them standing on top of the van, stark naked.

"The wind! Feel the wind! It is calling us! Hazel! Come up!" she beckoned to me. No way was I getting my clothes off for 'the wind'. I'd seen the white trash who lived in the trailers nearby. I climbed up and stood with them. And on cue, I saw some flashes of cameras coming from the nearest window. And why not? It wasn't every day you got to see three naked idiots. Being anachronistic rebels, none of the three owned an electronic device, Jane's orders, but I did. I lifted my phone and took a few shots, adding flowers to the 'sensitive' areas and posting them on Instagram. I was sure to get a few hits for those.

# Weekend Quickie 230

Elements - image of couple kissing while feathers float down, a beach umbrella, alpas: a Phillipine word meaning, "to break free"

And to think that this all began with a silly argument over a beach umbrella! Oh, how we laughed about the ludicrous incident at our wedding, when, due to my allergy of paper confetti (a strange one I know but who's normal nowadays), Alfie's brothers ripped open pillows filled with goose feathers over our heads to celebrate the joyous union.

And when finally, after many months of celibacy forced upon us by my religion, I was able to show my true form to my loved one already strapped to the matrimonial bed by chains and handcuffs, and take off my fake arms and legs and allow my stumps to breathe, my wonderful stumps, handed down from generation to generation through my family's wondrous DNA. Oh how I bathed in my 'alpas', my breaking free of all social restraints and expectations, my time to show who I really was! Oh how Alfie screamed with happiness as I climbed aboard and pressed my stumps onto his prostate gland to make him perform! We had the time of our lives!

And now I wait (because Alfie unfortunately had a nervous breakdown quite soon after that) to see if the doctor gives good news...

# Weekend Quickie 231

Elements - image of a broken gangplank to a distant dock, the Duchenne smile, a nursery rhyme

"A sailor went to sea, sea, sea..."

His smile always brought me back every day, every week. It wasn't some concocted fake smile of someone trying to please you, it wasn't a big joking smile to impress you, it was a real 'Duchenne' smile, with crow's feet around his eyes and the corners of his mouth raised in complete and utter pure happiness.

"...to see what he could see, see, see..."

And it was for me, I knew it, I always caught a glimpse of his face before reaching him on the broken dock as he looked out into the smooth clear surface of the water before him. Contemplation, his face.

"...but all that he could see, see, see..."

But with me, he looked happy, so happy, the happy you just want to hold, to grab onto and never let go, the happy that reminds you of a warm summer afternoon and a wild blazing wind rushing through your hair.

"...was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea..."

So every day I came, to sing the nursery rhyme he chose, clap with him in his time and watch his face, watch his smile fill my heart with love.

# Weekend Quickie 232

Elements - image of a polar bear on a piece of floating ice, incontrovertibility, a feather pillow

"Well, looks like I'm stuck on this patch of ice for a while," said Percy the polar bear.

"So 'in-con-tro-vert-ti-bil-lit-tily' true, my friend, so 'in-con-tro-vert-ti-bil-lit-tily' true," said Bernard the penguin.

Percy gazed across the flat surface of the freezing sea. Not a soul for miles, not an iceberg to be seen.

"If only I had a feather pillow, I could rest so peacefully here. But now, with my stomach so empty all I can dream about is my next meal." Percy sat down on his hind legs and sighed.

"Yes, but you could, of course, swim around and catch some fish," mentioned Bernard, jumping into the cold water and floating on his back.

"I could if I wanted to," said Percy, "but I'm really not up to swimming at the moment. I don't feel so well." With a frown, Percy lay his head on the ice.

"Well, that's all very well and good, my friend, but you know what your biggest problem is?" asked Bernard, sliding back onto the small ice patch and smiling.

"What's that?"

"Polar bears live in the North Pole and penguins in the South." Bernard disappeared with a *pop*, leaving Percy alone.

"Oh yes, there is that."

# Weekend Quickie 233

Elements - image of some old Pittsburgh streets, melancholy, a grapefruit

"Such melancholy, Chester? Cheer up! It's not the end of the world!" said Roy, munching on his stale hotdog as they walked the grey streets of Pittsburgh.

"No, I guess not. That's next Tuesday when Trump meets Kim Jong-un on North Korean soil," said Roy. He stopped to look at some of the fruit and vegetables on display at the local grocers. Among the discolored strawberries and off-green apples lay a sad, miserable specimen of a grapefruit, going slightly moldy with green fur.

"Oh come on! The Russians set this meeting up, it'll be fine! Trump always has the bestest words! Covfefe!" Roy straightened his "Make America Great Again" baseball cap with the aid of his reflection in the window.

"I don't know about that. I mean, look at our city. Since it said it was for the Paris Accord and not him, its been getting some rough treatment from the government and now it can't afford to keep our streets and air clean of pollution. Look at it, Roy." Chester held his arm ahead of him and couldn't see his hand for the thickness of smog.

"Ah, fake news! It's fog, nothing more!" Roy walked on.

"Yep, fog. Distraction, distraction."

# Weekend Quickie 234

Elements – image of smoke falling over a person under an umbrella, avarice, delirium

"This story is going way too fast!" screamed Sonya as Daphne rushed through the park, typing away on her tablet.

"But I must go on, as fast as I can, the words streaming through me like Sling TV, pouring through like honey! They come, they pass through my fingers that tap on the screen and fill the memory of my electronic device! They never cease! I won't let it stop!" Daphne ran for a bench and sat, head down, creating word after word, sentence after sentence, paragraph after...

"It's all gibberish! All the words are in the wrong order! You're suffering from delirium, Daphne!" said Sonya.

"I must complete this book! If I don't, I won't win the prize of 5000 dollars! The money!" said Daphne between taps.

"And now avarice? It's a cheat, Daphne! They give the prize to a wannabe writer friend!" Sonya took out her secret weapon, the toke-smoke-filled umbrella she'd prepared for such an occasion and opened it over Daphne's head. The tapping stopped, the tablet beeps fell silent.

"Where am I?" asked Daphne.

"Back to the first principle," said Sonya, sighing.

"Oh yes," said Daphne. "Nobody cares." They sat and watched the people walk by.

# Weekend Quickie 235

Elements - image of a large pink flamingo inflatable in a pool, Watergate sald, mischievousness

Even for his standards, I think Vance went a little overboard last night at the pool party, especially with the large pink flamingo inflatable. At first we thought he was swimming with it while doing some bastardized breast stroke - he looked so wasted - but as soon as we saw he was skinny-dipping, face slaps echoed over the music as we realised what he was doing. Richard and Michael dived in to 'rescue' the poor bird before Vance popped, but that didn't stop most of the girls from being disgusted and leaving. The party went downhill from there. Mathew dived from the roof to find the pool wasn't deep enough. Thankfully he'd kept his helmet on so he only suffered a minor concussion, which is more than I can say for the pool. Brian wanted everyone to join together in a sing-song but his choice wasn't such a big hit - the birdie song. I guess the pink flamingo is kind of a big imagination draw when you're drunk. Took us a while to get him off the thing, too. But what Mamie did with the Watergate salad, we shall have to keep a secret or the neighbors will call the cops.

# Weekend Quickie 236

Elements – image of a frog in a pond, scherzando, a ping pong ball

"He looks so happy!" said Heather, one of the female frogs in Rowe pond, to her friend Gertrude about Vance, the most handsome frog in the place.

"Yes, he is. I even heard him croaking scherzando!" laughed Gertrude.

"Oh my!" gasped Heather. "He must of..."

"Yes! With those young things over on the other side! Beat all the other males to them, won't you know." They giggled together and watched Vance proudly showing off his strokes in the middle of the pond.

A ping pong ball plopped into the water close to Vance, making waves and upsetting a few of the frogs. But not Vance. He continued to swim along, showing off his lovely green slimy skin.

"I found it!" shouted a human boy. "It fell in the pond!" A hand grabbed the ping pong ball and Vance froze. "Hey! Look at this frog!" The human boy picked Vance from the water and held him up. "I think it's dead!" Vance kicked his legs in the air and the boy dropped him on the concrete edge of the pond. "Uggh! It's alive!" The boy stamped on him.

"Oh dear," said Heather. "I was hoping for a jump with him later."

# Weekend Quickie 237

Elements – image of a purple fireworks display in water , Grape Kool-Aid, perspicasity

"What hell are we gonna do with a truckload of out-of-date Grape Kool-Aid?" asked Buster as he smacked his little brother Case around the head with his own baseball cap.

"Jenna loves purple, so I thought..." said Case.

"And?" Buster hit Case a few more times with his own cap before giving it back to him.

"Well, it's her birthday coming soon and..." began Case.

"You know what we gonna do, we gonna go out in the bay and have a good night with d'em fireworks! Not drinking dumbass out-of-date Grape Kool-Aid 'til it comes out our eyeballs!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking 'bout, and we better get started soon, there be like only three weeks to go! When I saw this in the market, I stole it right up!"

They shared a few anxious moments until Buster caught onto Case's thoughts.

"Ah, my little brother! You using your perspicasity!"

***

The night came and the family surprised their little sister Jenna with the biggest birthday party on the island. And not only did she have the biggest party, she also had the best fireworks display the place had ever seen. AND not only was it the best, it was PURPLE!

# Weekend Quickie 238

Elements - image of a flying circus tent, Ineluctably, A Birthday Wish

"Is that...?" asked Kramer the lion tamer.

"Yes, it is," said Petinszky the ringmaster. "Malinszki the Magician is asking for top billing over the Cumin Twins trapeze act, among other things."

They watched as the huge circus tent floated above them like a kite on a string.

"How does he do it?" asked Buffo the Clown, walking up to the pair and looking up.

"Mirrors," said Petinszky, "always mirrors."

The three of them continued to watch the tent two hundred feet up in the air.

"Mirrors? So is this a trick?" asked Kramer.

They looked up again for about five minutes.

"I guess it's not mirrors, then," said Petinszky.

"What are you saying? That this is 'real' magic?" laughed Buffo. Petinszky and Kramer laughed with him but stopped when they looked up yet again.

"Maybe you'll have to give him what he wants," said Kralin.

"Ineluctably. We need that tent," said Petinszky. "The afternoon performance starts in an hour." He walked over to Malinski's trailer. "But I don't think I'll be able to give him his birthday wish, though it's on his list of demands."

"What is it?"

"An hour with the bearded lady. Again. I remember the last time."

# Weekend Quickie 239

Elements - image of child flying through window into bedroom, a Water Bear: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tardigrade, incredulity

Dave was engrossed in that book again.

"Did you know that not only can a woman get pregnant while already pregnant, but she can have the babies of two different men at once?" he said.

"What a slag."

"Oh yeah." He flipped another page. "Doesn't excuse what Sally did over at Number 36, either."

"Now she IS a slag." Where's my hairdryer?

"Did you know that Oreos are over 100 years old and are a copy of a biscuit called Hydrox which itself fell into obscurity because people thought it was a copy of Oreos?"

"I like Bourbons, myself."

"Yeah. Give me a Custard Cream any day." Another page flip.

"Did you know that Tardigrades, or Water Bears, are one of the most resilient animals known, and can even withstand the vacuum of space?"

"It'll like the inside of your head, then, won't it?"

"Ha ha. Did you know..." I don't care. "...that some teenagers have the ability to move objects with their minds, even implode windows?"

"Talking about moving objects, I wish you'd move your fat arse and do something around the house for once."

"Okay, I'll go and do the washing up."

"Now that I'm unable to believe!"

# Weekend Quickie 240

Elements - image of a wilderness lodge set in British Columbia, a pulchritudinous gypsy, alacrity.

"I was all filled with alacrity this morning, brisk and cheerful, ready for a great day outdoors in my favorite part of British Columbia and now here we are in the middle of nowhere because you can't just pee behind any old bush, it has to be as far away from civilisation as possible!" screamed Dave at Fiona his fiancée.

"There were people there! I can't pee when someone is watching!" She crouched down in a large bush a few meters from a lake's edge.

"So that's why we had to walk for over an hour? Because a few fishermen were sleeping?"

"Yes! Is there anyone about now?"

"No." Dave looked across the flat surface of water and saw a lodge. He took out his binoculars and zoomed in. There, putting clothes out on a line was a woman. He focused in closer and couldn't believe his eyes. A gypsy, and not only a gypsy but the most beautiful gypsy he'd ever seen, even more beautiful than the one in Disney's animation movie, 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'. A pulchritudinous gypsy.

"Dave? Can I pee? Is anyone about? Dave?"

"Sure, knock yourself out." He walked away, heading for the lodge.

# Weekend Quickie 241

Elements - image of hotel keys, an implacable character, a peacock feather

**The man from 33 had unforgivingly been pressing the bell for over half an hour.**

**"It's the dirty knife at breakfast, isn't it?" asked Jeff.**

**"Why is there a peacock feather on my bed?" screamed the man for the one thousandth time.**

**"You've got it in for me now, haven't you?" he asked again. "You really want me to lose my job." Things hadn't gone well since Jeff was given control of the hotel for the weekend. The lift was out of order, the kitchen staff were more bone idle than usual, the laundry chute was blocked, the family in 49 had soaked three floors below them with their 'water' party, and this man was an implacable character.**

**"Why is there a peacock feather on my bed?" he'd brought the offending item with him. Jeff had no idea where it had come from.**

**"Well, technically, it's not on your bed anymore, is it? It's in your hand," replied Jeff. He'd give anything a go.**

**"Don't get clever with me lad...!" They both watched bewildered as a peacock strut through the reception area, opening its fan of feathers. "Okay, so...!" he said. "Now we know where, I want to know why?"**

# Weekend Quickie 242

Elements - image of a storm out at sea, ebullience, a creature of the sea.

**He stood on the end of the pier, looking out to sea.**

**"Ah, the memories," he sighed. Lightning struck in four places as the storm raged on over our drenched heads.**

**"It's dangerous out here, uncle!" I screamed. The hood of my Mac came off as the wind blew towards the shore.**

**"Dangerous? Nonsense! I remember it well, the sun, the sand, the ebullience of happy children, laughing, playing, making sandcastles down there in..." More lightning struck, closer this time.**

**"But uncle, can't we do this another time?"**

**"No!" He grabbed the rail, his knuckles going white. "Can't you see the storm? It is here!"**

**"Uncle! That's a myth, a folktale! Come, we must get back to shore!" I took hold of his jacket but he tore himself away.**

**"A myth? I saw it! All those years ago! I was standing right here, throwing seashells at the girls and there it was, as big as a house! I'm not moving until I see it again!"**

**"But uncle!" Another round of lightning was enough for me. I ran through the downpour. As I reached the shore I turned to see a dark silhouette appear over him. "Uncle!" And he was gone.**

# Weekend Quickie 243

Elements - image of tree pruners at the turn of the century, affability, yellow curry

**"I say, can you smell that?"' asked Trevor McGutherly, standing on the uppermost branch with his trusty old hacksaw.**

**"What did you say, old boy?" asked his coworker and longtime love companion, Fred Jefferson.**

**"I said, 'I say, can you smell that?' That's what I said, old chap," replied Trevor.**

**"Oh. Let me... no, I can't say I can smell anything," said Fred, wobbling on a lower branch but trying to be affable as usual to his friend.**

**"Curry. Yes, I'm absolutely sure it's curry, yellow curry to be more precise," said Trevor. He paused for a moment and began cutting another small branch.**

**"I say, old boy, how can you ascertain that it's 'yellow'? It might be orange, or tangerine," said Fred, throwing down another branch.**

**"Look, old chap. I know a yellow curry when I smell one!" Trevor's outburst shook the tree they were pruning and they held onto the closest part of the trunk.**

**"Okay, dear boy, don't get your knickers in a twist. I merely asked as to how you could be so sure it was yellow," remarked Fred.**

# **"Because, old chap, I can see it." Trevor pointed towards an open window at the house nearby.**

#

(back to ToC)

#  Quick-E 01

Elements – image of 2 spaceships flying over 2 horsemen, a mailbox, abandoned

"What the hell is that?" asked Zurgo, banging his dashboard to make sure it wasn't malfunctioning.

"It seems to be two humanoid creatures riding quadrupeds," replied Huber over his headset. Their fighters flew past, matching the contour of the landscape. Zurgo flashed through the menu on his computer and he saw the data he needed: the surface was abundant with life, both flora and fauna. "Wasn't this planet meant to have been abandoned after the Palitican Conflict?" he asked.

"That's what the message in my mailbox said. Hang on." Zurgo made another pass over the frightened inhabitants while he waited for a reply. On the horizon he thought he could see a small settlement.

"Oh crap," came the reply.

"What?" As Zurgo turned his fighter around a hill, he noticed more humanoids and quadrupeds coming their way.

"Sorry, I read it wrong. We're meant to be on Beta 221. This is Beta 212." Huber's craft whizzed over Zurgo's, heading back to their mothership.

"What?" But isn't Beta 212 the place where...?" asked Zurgo, trying to recall a long lost memory.

"Yep." Huber was already at full speed by the time Zurgo realised a lazer beam had sliced through his fuselage.

# Quick-E 02

Elements – image of a wasp eating fruit, bones, A Child's Guide To Mystical Insects

Jenny watched a wasp eating the fruit from their basket. "What use are they, father? They've spoilt our picnic," she cried, holding onto the wet tissue her father had placed on the sting.

"Yes, they are a nuisance. It happens, I'm afraid." Her father was busy trying to put their things together so they could leave but the wasps harrassed him, too. He shooed some away, only for them to come back in greater numbers and more aggressive than before. A group of them were sitting on the chicken thigh bones, taking what nourishment remained. "Actually, they do have a purpose, pollinating flowers and plants, just like bees."

"I don't believe you," said Jenny. "How can such a nasty thing have anything to do with flowers."

Her father stopped packing things away and knelt near his daughter. "Okay, let's look on the net, yeah?" He took out his phone and opened the browser, searching for 'use of a wasp'. "You see?" he said, pointing to Wiki. "Pollinating flowers...and killing tons of insects."

"What's that?" asked Jenny, pointing to a search lower down.

"It's book, 'A Child's Guide To Mystical Insects'...that sounds interesting."

"Click on that," she said. So he did.

# Quick-E 03

Elements – image of Tron motorbikes racing, the secret society of Ashoka's Nine Unknown Men, the wrong newspaper

It was a race beyond all others, a race to keep knowledge out of the hands of humanity! Ashoka, many centuries ago, had given his ancestor the responsibility, and now it was on his shoulders. Against him, like so many times before, was an immense adversary, one who'd beaten him time and time again. But this time, this race, was the one he had to win, to take back what had been stolen, the knowledge, hidden in an ancient newspaper, tucked away under the seat of his challenger.

There was a chance. A slim one, but one which could give him an edge. With over a second down, up ahead was a bend and the choice of two directions. He watched as his opponent took the easier, though longer of the two. Holding onto his bike, he took the other, feeling the G-force against his whole body. As he was about to lose consciousness, the two directions merged together, and with the finish line in sight, he was leading. As he passed the line, their wheels collided, sending the other bike crashing across the track. He rode over and picked up the precious item from the ground.

"Damn! Wrong newspaper!"

# Quick-E 04

Elements – image of a man surveying a wide open space in the USA, an ultimatum, two feet

"Excuse me."

Henry turned from his apparatus and saw a little Indian boy standing behind him. How did he get there? They were out on the plain, well away from any settlement or camp. He put his pipe down and addressed the boy. "Yes?"

"What are you doing?" asked the boy.

"I'm marking out the route of the new pipeline to pass through here." He showed the boy his map and the plan. The boy ignored them.

"Are you building something?" he asked.

"No, not me myself, I'm just marking the way, so to speak. Others will come and build it," replied Henry.

"My great-great grandfather is buried beneath your two feet," said the boy, making Henry step away quickly from the spot.

"Oh my! Really?" He looked around and saw the place was filled with tiny mounds of rocks, one of which he was standing on.

"This is sacred land, you cannot be here. And if you build on this land, my people will haunt you and your descendants until the end of time."

Henry watched the boy's face. He was serious about his ultimatum. "Okay..." He pointed over in the distance. "How about if I..." The boy disappeared.

# Quick-E 05

Elements – image of sniper in the woods, "A Zugzwang", "A Quockerwodger (or)A Hampelmann" (aka: Jumping Jack, but you can't use that name.)

Looking through his sights, he saw the hostage, standing in a clearing in the forest. No one else was there. Four hours he'd lay there camouflaged in the forest, and not a squirrel. Not even a snap of a twig. His mission was to save the hostage, but how could he if he couldn't see the kidnappers? He'd searched a ten mile radius!

He'd have to do a "Zugzwang", have to make a move from his position, to be seen in order to flush out the enemy. This was something that went well against his training as a sniper, but there was no other choice. In order to get them out in the open, he'd have to create this huge disadvantage.

First he threw a stone some twenty metres to his right. Nothing. Then a bird call. Not a sausage. Against his better judgement, he stood up, gun at the ready. No bullets whizzed by. Sighing, he walked down to the clearing. As soon as he reached the hostage, the man took out a gun and shot him in the chest. He fell to the ground. As he lost consciousness, the name of this ruse came to him. Quockerwodger.

# Quick-E 06

Elements – image of two people landing on a planet, use the sentence "Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason." and "The USS Hazard".

The 'USS Hazard', in all it's fine glory and dirt rust, landed on the desolute planet on the edge of the outer rings of the Flangzee IV galaxy. The sound of a whirring motor broke the silence of the surface as a large door opened.

"No one comes here, Vox, why are we here?" asked Xandara as they left the landing bay and took their first steps on hard rock.

"I was told by one of my associates that we'd find just what we needed here," said Vox, scanning the area with his binoculars.

"Associates? Don't you mean one of your good time buddies?" asked Xandara.

"Shut the hell up," replied Vox.

"But absolutely no one comes here. I had a hard time finding it on a star map."

"Shut the hell up."

"And there really is nothing here except rocks."

"Shut the hell up." Vox kicked some dust up with his boots.

"I think your 'associate' was having you on."

"Shut the hell up!"

They stood there on the empty planet, listening to the wind whistling by their heads.

"You know, Vox, sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason," said Xandara.

"Shut! The! Hell! Up!"

# Quick-E 07

Elements – The image of the "Alien" monster, Ellen Louise Ripley, Horror film cliché mistake by the protagonist

Todd and Baz walked back into the cockpit of their landship after surveying the alien anomaly reported by the Corp, ready to take off. It had been quiet coming back after their analysis, as opposed to the sounds of the jungle they heard when they first landed.

"Spooky, isn't it," said Todd.

"What is?" asked Baz.

Todd had a moment of clarity. "Hang on a minute, didn't Ellen Louise Ripley from "Alien" do this same damn thing?" he asked.

"Who?"

"Ripley, from the "Alien" movie series."

"What? What are you going on about? Movies?" asked Baz.

"Yeah, that sci-fi horror. I particularly liked the second one, it was mostly action, not like the third. You really can't beat the original, though, which is what we seem to be emulating right..."

"What? Wow, you do talk some shit sometimes. Strap yourself in before I give you a smack!" shouted Baz.

"We should check the cockpit before we set off."

"You're crazy, you know that?" Baz's hand touched something gooey on his armrest. "What is this? Hell, Todd, use a tissue next time, will ya!"

"That...that's..." Todd jumped out of his seat and headed for the door. He didn't quite make it.

# Quick-E 08

Elements – Alice Through the Looking Glass, slight annoyance, image of a strange building with people milling about and a large statue standing above them.

"We are here to serve Ignoramus Trump and all his Ultimate Principles!" said Prime Observer One, standing before the great statue among the Cones of Incompetence which made up the Temple of Absolute Stupidity situated in the Forest of Darkness.

"Yes, Prime One, we are. For centuries we have served him well. Thanks to His Greatness, no one will be free to think again!" said Prime Observer Two.

"Excuse me, Prime Observer One, sir," said Hopeisgonnadietoo, walking up to the two Prime Observers. "I found something the other day."

"Oh, it's you, Hopeisgonnadietoo," said Prime Two with slight annoyance. "What did you find? Can we make money from it? We must remember Ultimate Principle Number One."

"It's a book," replied Hopeisgonnadietoo.

"From Trump Publications?" asked Prime One.

"It's called 'Alice Through the Looking Glass'. It's quite...strange."

"Where did you find this?!" Prime One stole the book from Hopeisgonnadietoo's hands. "You must not allow such works to contaminate your controlled mind! Guards! Guards! Take this man to a Therapist!" Guards grabbed Hopeisgonnadietoo and dragged him away. "Make sure the Therapist uses the chains!"

"Will the chains be enough?" asked Prime Two.

"Use the Trump Cologne, too!" he shouted after the guards.

# Quick-E 09

Elements – An unseen servant, a generator with 8 hours of fuel, image from Erik Johansson, boy pouring water from a picture into a sea, with small ships sailing from the pictures

My servant came and left once again without showing their face. Who was this strange creature whose only violation was to never be seen by their master? Whoever this wondrous person was, they had filled the generator with yet another eight hours of fuel, enough for me to finish what I had to do that day. I grabbed my fishing boots and waded into the middle of the room, holding nothing but another masterpiece, ready to start. With the enchantment streaming through my lips, the room swished and swayed, turning into the shore of my forefathers, and I was able to continue my work. But filling the sea with the water and ships of famous masters' paintings was never easy and my legs took it harder each day. I wondered why I had become the giver of oceans, the deliverer of adventures, the donator of dreams. When had the transition from ordinary everyday boy to unstable magical crackpot begun? There was no turning back now. Normality was something I had learnt to forget, something my heart and mind were unwilling to recognise. The words of my Aunt Jennifer returned to haunt me, to torment me in my duty. "Unless... unless..."

# Quick-E 10

Elements – A crossbow bolt, you must have no other characters mentioned and no dialogue in the story, other than the main character. Image of an ancient sacred building in the desert by Jordan Grimmer

My mind flows through the days like the sand swirling around my Temple of Solitude and Silence. Thoughts come, thoughts go...they say everyone has the opportunity for success. Have you ever found an unconscious bird, lying on the ground? Throw it up. It has as much chance as you for finding its wings as you do. Sure, maybe the bird will get lucky, wake up at just the right time and start flapping long enough to not hit the ground. But there's really only one way that bird will ever fly. With help. A lot of help. An immensely huge ton of help. Why the crossbow bolt? Why do I load my instrument of destruction and death? I see a bird, out there, gliding in the desert wind, hunting, looking for success. I will take it down, I will take it down as I was so long ago. It will suffer as I did. I will take out a wing and watch it fall. And then I will bring it into the temple, heal it, mend it, and wait for it to make that first flap into the air, so that I may wrench it from the sky once more.

# Quick-E 11

Elements – Image of an old building on large tractor treads in a field, a bombshell, a place called, "The Crater"

"Sir, we have reports of G5 moving towards the border."

"What!?" Controller Legend sat up in his chair after sleeping off yet another radiation-dosed afternoon. The guard came closer.

"Sir, G5 has been spotted moving north on Highway 81 through Scranton."

"But... but that leads to "The Crater". They'll never make it. Not with those treads. And if I recall, G5 is a converted three-storey wire factory. No, this will not do." Legend stood up and cranked up the radio in the corner. "Get me Crew 445. Yes, I know that's in the area of 'The Crater'! Just patch me through!" He banged the handheld control on the wall to create some feedback for the recipient of his call. Legend turned back to his messenger. "When were they last sighted?"

"Three hours ago, sir, by Crew 245 at Wilkes-Barre." The radio crackled to life.

"Crew 445. Who the hell is this? You do know we're in blackout hours?"

"This is Controller Legend. You have a rogue tread coming towards you on Highway 81. I suggest you..." Legend was stopped by a muffled explosion on the radio. "Crew 445?"

"Bombshell. Probably the rogue you talking out. We'll go out and investigate."

# Quick-E 12

Elements – image of a castle by a small port, the sentence "You could get arrested for that.", and a Kingfisher.

Bob and Dave stood guard at the small side entrance of the castle which led to the river and a small port. The sun had gone down and they were waiting for their replacements. A Kingfisher flew by at top speed and landed on a house nearby. Bob took off the bow from his back and loaded an arrow. Dave lowered Bob's aim.

"You could get arrested for that," said Dave.

"What? For shooting a bird?" asked Bob, raising his arm once again, but stopping after Dave tsked him.

"That's not just any ol' bird, that's a Kingfisher," said Dave.

"Since when were you ever an expert on birds?" laughed Bob, putting away his bow.

"I did birdwatching for a while, between the Crusades, you know. You gotta have a hobby other than chopping off people's heads. Gotta be an all-round person," said Dave, picking his teeth with a ten inch blade knife.

"A hobby? Are you having me on?"

"It's gotta be better than your hobby. You'll go blind if you keep that up."

"What?!" Bob turned to the wall and opened his flap to take a pee.

"You could get arrested for that," said Dave.

"Oh, shut up!"

# Quick-E 13

Elements – image of a snowy night scene outside Racoon City Library, use one line from The House of the Rising Sun by The Animals, give your main character(s) a reason to not going inside (that also means your character(s) stay outside.)

"Chas, we've gotta get inside," whispered his companion, Wendy. "They'll be coming soon." Worried, she held, white-knuckled, onto her barbed-wired baseball bat with both hands.

"My father was a gamblin' man, down in New Orleans," he said, looking over at the library's barricaded front door. He smiled over to her as the snow fell between them. "I'm not going anywhere."

"But Chas, we'll die." She began to whimper, her tears mixing with the snowflakes landing on her cheeks.

"Death. I am not afraid. Not anymore." He let go of his machete, resting it in the snow.

"But Chas...!" she screamed in a whisper.

"You go. Hide. Run away. But they'll find you, maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow night, but they'll find you. And when they do, remember me." He stood up and walked away from the building, back to where they'd just come, back where Chas had lost all meaning, all hope. Back where she lay. His daughter.

"Don't go!"

He saw her get up and run around the library, looking for a way in. And they were there, in the shadows, moving closer. In a moment, she was gone, to where he did not know. Did not care.

# Quick-E 14

Elements – image of a GO board but do not use the picture as a normal GO board. Use your imagination. A power glove, a scratch made by a cat.

"Now I'm playing with power!" shouted Ted, my younger brother, punching the air.

"What?" He'd put on the useless Nintendo Power Glove my father bought me many years ago. "That doesn't work anymore."

"I know, but it feels absolutely...GREAT!" He turned to the mirror on the wardrobe's door and shadow boxed with himself.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "You? A boxer? You ran crying to Mom when the cat made a scratch on your arm last week."

"It could have got infected! And anyway, what are YOU doing?" he asked. I was trying to work out how to get my letter of unrequited love over to Daphne without big Chas, her ex and a guy twice my size, from finding out by arranging the pieces on our GO board to coincide with the placing of the class in the school play tomorrow. I couldn't seem to find a way through without him noticing, seeing as he was back centre stage. "Why don't you just walk over and give her the letter?"

"Because Chas would beat the shit out of me."

"Not with the Power Glove!" shouted Ted again, and he grabbed my letter and ran out of the door.

# Quick-E 15

Elements – image of car stopped in road, with mirror sphere in front, exactly three sentences of dialogue, and use a line from the song: Creedence Clearwater Revival - Down On The Corner

He'd driven down this same road every day, waiting, hoping. Living on this depressing rock under the guise of a human male had taken him to the edge of his sanity. Day in, day out, working, eating, sleeping, bowing to the needs of others of this form, coping with his own limited physical vehicle. But now, he saw it, resting on the road near a corner. He stopped his mechanical device a few metres away and looked at the mirror image in front of him.

"What is that?" asked his female companion sitting next to him, his partner, lover, mate. He took off his seat belt, opened the door, and got out, not listening to her pleading for him to get back inside. It had come.

"When is it time?" he asked the reflecting sphere.

"Early in the evenin' just about supper time," said a voice from inside, a voice he recognised. Smiling, he turned north and began walking through the fields, past trees and hedges, ignoring the shouts from behind. He would soon be home again, soon see his family once more, and bathe in the warm radiant twin suns of his home planet, Creedence. Oh, joy of joys!

# Quick-E 16

Elements – image of a waterfall with cliffs, city and boat, a mental prisoner meets a physical prisoner, your human character(s) has not been on dry land for three days.

"Hello."

"Wha...who's there?" For three days, Delph had been stuck on this wreck of a boat. Some time before, he'd escaped the Apolche correctional facility and made his way down river to here, the Waterfalls of the Jehad. Unfortunately, or fortunately, his boat had got stuck on some rocks, stopping him from plunging to his death, but also he had no hope of reaching dry land. Now he was hearing things. Was he going crazy?

"Hello."

There it was again, a voice. "What? Who are you?" Delph looked around. "Where are you?"

"In your head."

"What?" He WAS going crazy.

"It's the first place I could find."

"What? Who...what...?"

"My name's Unika, I escaped the same correctional facility you did, well, YOU escaped, and I just 'hitched a ride', so to say."

"What? Where are you?" Delph spun around in the boat, making it move from side to side.

"In your head. I was a mental prisoner, but I got out. I used your physical vehicle to escape. Hope you don't mind."

"Mind? Mind! You've taken over my mind?" The boat began to move.

"Not really. I say, are we moving?"

Delph watched as the boat fell down the waterfall.

# Quick-E 17

Elements – image of futuristic street, give your story a moral about greed, the phrase "six dead cats in a blender"

Janx was standing there at my door, waiting for me. The street was empty and quiet save for the sound of a lone sad saxophone player in an apartment up above.

"You know, hanging around on the streets in the middle of the night can be quite dangerous," I said nervously as I got closer.

"Oh yeah?" he said, not moving an inch. "Dangerous? What's dangerous about this place?"

"Me, for example." I reached for my pass key and swiped it across the lock. A green light blinked.

"Six dead cats in a blender don't make you no killer," he said, chewing a stick hanging from the side of his mouth.

"Yeah, but at least I've got a taste for it," I joked. He wasn't laughing.

"You missed the drop. That means double. Or else."

He was pushing it. I knew the rules, too. Adrenalin raced through my veins as fear took hold. As I opened my door, an opportunity to knife him appeared as he moved his weight slightly. In an instant, he was on the ground, blood pouring to the street.

"Don't be greedy now," I said.

# Quick-E 18

Elements – image of a large tower over a small village, a strange uniform, have a Limnic Eruption or something like it.

"Halt! Who goes there?" Grooge held his spear towards the figure emerging from the end of the pier. He wore a strange uniform, one he'd not seen before.

"That is of no concern. I am here to right a wrong," said the man. Grooge stood his ground. What was this man talking about?

"State your purpose!" shouted Grooge.

"My purpose, kind sir, is to rid this lake of your kind, and especially this monstrosity of a tower. Why is it so tall? Perhaps the man who owns it has a small pe..."

"Rid? You? How are you going to do that?" Grooge laughed at this man's audacity, though he felt a little scared. The intruder seemed so self-confident.

"Oh, that part is easy." The man clicked his fingers. Nothing happened for a moment, and then...

"What's that?" From the lake, a large bubble appeared on the surface, large enough to engulf the village.

"That, is a bubble of carbon dioxide." The bubble burst. "You're now experiencing a limnic eruption, for the first, and quite possibly the last time." The man put on some strange mask and walked away.

"What? What?" Grooge lost consciousness as the large gas cloud floating over him.

# Quick-E 19

Elements – image of a ship wrecked on ice, passengers leaving, a misunderstanding, a bittersweet happy ending

They began their long walk across the frozen surface and to the nearest settlement some twenty miles from here, carrying what essentials they could for such a journey. The cold winds buffeted against the ripped sails of their ship, caught in the grips of unforgiving ice.

"Captain, I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to go port," said Able Seaman Rogers.

"No, Rogers, I said 'pass me the port'," said the captain, sighing as he stepped on carefully, trying not to fall. "Petty Officer Dribbles?"

"Yes, captain?" A short, stoat man came skidding across the ice.

"Do we have enough provisions to make it to the settlement?" asked the captain.

"We have the clothes, captain, but food and water are in low supply."

"Damn. What can we do? We can't fly there."

"We will have to eat the dogs, captain," said Petty Officer Dribbles.

"No, captain, not the dogs!" screamed Mrs. Erningsworth, one of the passengers travelling to relocate to the New Continent. Unfortunately, it wasn''t to be.

"Be thankful that we have something to eat, Mrs. Erningsworth." She started crying and the woman closest to her gave her a supportive hug. "Besides," said the captain, "I've always fancied Chinese."

# Quick-E 20

Elements – image of a burning factory, the title must be "Sabotage", a Musical Jolly Chimp.

The factory lay burning, what with any kind of emergency services light years away and the fact that no one had probably called them. Other than himself, there were only four other humanoids in the facility and those guys were less than useless, the 'bums of the universe', Bramlit called them.

Luckily, the main generator was untouched, save for a small fire, but the production line was destroyed. Manufacturing would have to cease until repairs could be made. But there were no more engineering or maintenance robots left. The 'bums' had stripped them and turned them into 'leisure-bots', or so they called them. A little plasti-skin, some reprogramming, a paint job and a lot of imagination, and they were ready to serve.

As he walked over to the control board, Bramlit could hear something...a strange sound, above the crackling of fires and exploding of parts. Was it some kind of music?

Standing in front of the large panel, he distinctly heard it. He swept away some debris from controls, and there it was, a musical jolly chimp, banging away with its tiny cymbals in a rhythmic pattern. What the hell was that doing there? On its hat was a note.

# Quick-E 21

Elements – image of a busy market, Something is physically unearthed, and find inspiration from Schrodinger's cat (but no unearthing the "cat".)

The note was clear. "Skarange market. The cat." Ignoring the fires and small explosions, I jumped on the only working hoverbike and made my way through the facility and headed for the next settlement across the desert, Skarange.

What would I find? A cat? First a monkey, now a cat? What was the significance of this?

Time came and went, and I was there, walking through the dense crowd. I watched for a movement or sign which would show me something, but It was almost impossible to see or hear anything down the main street. I stood there, waiting, looking. Something touched my leg. I looked down and there it was. One meow and off it went, through the people in front. I raced after it, hoping not to lose it, but its fiery red colour was always in site.

It stopped at a stall and stood on a box. I couldn't believe it. I knew this box. I knew what was inside it. I had buried it but someone had physically unearthed again.

Should I open it? If I did, then it would be unleashed, no one knowing the consequences. If I didn't, then no one would ever know what the consequences would be. Something had to be done, this was the reality.

# Quick-E 22

Elements – image of strange area of water, a biblioclast, a cesspool.

The killing was complete, the small settlement and its huge, tall monstrosity of a tower were empty of life. The stranger rose a hand to the air and a wind grew, ripping apart the tiny houses and bringing the tower to the ground. With his other hand, he brought forth a liquid from the lake, covering all with its silvery consistence. The land began to change, with large triangular-formed mountains appearing as far as he could see. He turned to leave, but saw a movement among some rocks. It was a human.

"You! You! What are you? Who are you?" demanded the human.

"Does it matter?" he replied.

"You destroyed my library! The whole tower was room to room, filled with books; bibles, encyclopedias, dictionaries, books of learning, books of art and literature! And you destroyed them! What are you, a biblioclast?"

"Books? They are only places where the cesspool of humanity can be written down and be devoured by your weak, insignificant minds! It is better that they are gone," said the stranger, walking away over the crystalized lands that had engulfed the settlement.

"You are a demon!" shouted the human, coughing, dying.

"Am I? Well, maybe I am."

# Quick-E 23

Elements – close-up image of a woolen jumper, three daggers, the sentence "The label is the law".

He ran around the room, looking for something he could use. A long, metal box sat on a workstation near the screen and he opened it up. Throwing away the useless cables and discs someone had put there, he spotted them \- three throwing daggers. They would have to do.

The locked door burst open and the monster, blowing smoke and dripping saliva from its jaws, squeezed its head and neck into the room. It spat at Drakol and a drop landed on his blue sweater, given to him by his grandma on her deathbed.

"For that...and all the other crap you've done like killing my crewmates, destroying the ship and wrecking any chance I have of getting off this awful planet...have these!" He threw two daggers at the beast, pinning its head to the wall, and ran at it, blinded by rage.

A small label on the doorframe said 'No smoking'. He thrust the last of the three daggers into its right eye, pushing it in until his arm fell through the pupil and the sharp blade met brain. The monster gave a last puff of smoke and died.

"The label is the law!" he screamed into the lifeless face.

# Quick-E 24

Elements – image of sci-fi exit door, an Inflatable kiddie pool, a creature that must be detectable by two of the following - a Digital thermometer / a Smoke detector / a Camcorder / Radio or cell phone like earpiece.

They entered the loading bay to find the dead body. A path of blood led to the malfunctioning exit door.

"Someone had too much fun," said Thak, looking it over. A cloud of smoke appeared. "Hey, that'll turn on..."

The smoke detector aboard alarmed and red lights flashed in the room.

"What is going on?" asked Drakol.

"I don't know."

Drakol took out his scanner and checked the area, stepping around the dead body resting against the wall. "There's no fire, nothing which could have made any smoke." He took out his digital thermometer, connected it and moved ahead. He suddenly hit an invisible wall. "What the...?"

Thak jumped back and looked for a possible exit. None. Drakol touched the wall with his thermometer. It suddenly disappeared.

"Hey! Oh." His scanner went crazy as the temperature of the thermometer went sky-high. "I don't know what this is, but it's damn hot!"

In front of their eyes appeared a mass of flesh. Drakol's digital thermometer was stuck into its arsehole. A large set of grinning teeth with a long neck turned to him and blew smoke into his face.

"I only came down here for the inflatable kiddie pool," whimpered Thak.

# Quick-E 25

Elements – image of 2 people in desolute snowy area, two lines from the song "MARTY ROBBINS - Big Iron"*, and use the character below for your main character (Rice: Male Reanimated Demon. Rice has gray skin and dark yellow eyes. He wields a Colt .357 revolver. Rice is fascinated by ancient history and civilizations.)

*"He's an outlaw loose and runnin'", came a whisper from each lip, and he's here to do some business with a big iron on his hip, Big iron on his hip"

As they walked through the desolute, snowy wasteland, his voice echoed through the vast nothingness.

"He's an outlaw loose and runnin'", came a whisper from each lip.

And he's here to do some business with a big iron on his hip,

Big iron on his hip..."

"Do you have to?" asked the human.

Rice pointed his old-fashioned Colt .357 revolver at his 'saviour', a man by the name of Fert. "Yes." He reholstered his baby and continued on, humming an old tune to himself.

"I really don't know why I reanimated you now, you old demon. Look at you; gray skin, eyes dark and yellow, and the rags, the rags!"

"You know why you brought me back," replied Rice. "I'm the only living soul..."

"Dead when I found you," corrected Fert.

"...the only soul..."

"Do demons have souls?" asked Fert.

"I'm the only creature on this snowball who gives more than a passing fart about ancient history and civilisations, that's why!" He was definitely going to kill this human once the job was done. Whatever the job was.

"Yes, that's right. And you know the location of what I'm looking for," continued Fert.

"What are you looking for?" asked Rice.

# Quick-E 26

Elements – your title must be "The Grave", the idiom - "A Light In The Night Is A Night Without Fright", an image of a captain and a humanoid in a captain's cabin, one pointing a crossbow at the captain

He sat at his desk smoking his pipe, watching the light flicker across the room, shadows hiding from its brightness. One shadow grew stronger until it became too obvious to ignore. Out from the inner dock stepped what he thought was a man in a diver's suit pointing a speargun towards his head. It was only when the 'man' flinched from the light that he saw it was some fish-like humanoid, a monster from the deep.

"Turn that light out," said the aquatic-man.

"A light in the night is a night without fright," he said. The aquatic-man stepped closer. He slid open a drawer and saw his gun in the corner of his eye. "Tell me, what's a fish like you doing with a diver's suit on? Can't you breathe underwater?"

"I have a cold," said the aquatic-man, who stood close enough for him to see the colour of its eyes - yellow - but something about it was familiar. "I've come to kill you."

"Do I know you?" His hand moved closer to the gun.

"Yes. You left me for dead, in 'The Grave'."

"Jenkins? I thought...?"

"You thought wrong!" It held the speargun up to aim.

"Wait, we can talk..."

# Quick-E 27

Elements – image of squid attacking aircraft carrier and plane coming into land, hearing Footsteps, "A Piece of Cake" (What is happening in the image is real. It can be about to happen or has happened or is happening, but it is real. Also the squid thing is a squid thing, NOT some misunderstood alien that says oops sorry and leaves.)

"Wild Weasel, I repeat, you are not cleared to land!" screamed the control tower on the carrier.

"Why? A few waves? A rather large storm approaching? What can go wrong? It's a piece of cake!" Weasel hit the windscreen wipers to rid his cockpit of the spray from the sea. "Holy toledo! What in hell's name is that?"

"The reason why you're not cleared to land!"

"Is that a...?"

"...large squid thing, yes! Now if you know what's good for you, you'd better skedaddle outta here!" shouted the voice in his radio, breaking up as he got closer.

"I can't break off from my run, Command. Besides..." Weasel looked over to his fuel gauge. It flashed red and gave a tinking warning sound every second. "...I'm all outta gas. Coming in." Before he heard another word, he cut off the radio and held firmly onto his joystick. Realising that was a bad idea, he took the controls and steadied his fighter to land. With the squid's arms flailing about and the waves lashing against the carrier, Weasel found a gap, slipped through and crash landed onto the forever moving deck.

In his first few moments of consciousness, he heard footsteps...

# Quick-E 28

Elements – image of an army in camp, waiting to attack a castle, a Malfunctioning Teleporter, "Turtles All the Way Down"

"And what exactly is the problem?" asked Cuthbert the Third, standing over the three warriors looking so glum next to their tent. He was only moments away from storming the castle with 10,000 men, but the clinch pin in the whole operation had failed.

"It's the teleporter," said Thakerly.

"It's malfunctioned," said Humphrey.

"Well, I can see that!" shouted Cuthbert.

"It's turtles all the way down," said Etherwright.

"What? Did I hear you right?" asked Cuthbert.

"Yeah. Turtles. As far as the eye can see," said Humphrey.

Cuthbert opened the flap in the tent and looked at the contraption. He opened the door which should have led instantly to the throne room of the castle, but all he could see was a large, deep hole, encased in... turtles. One snapped at him.

"Oh, I say!" He closed the door and came back out of the tent. Realising their fate, he sat down with them. "So, what now?"

"We could..." Thakerly held up a finger, then dropped it again. "No, we couldn't do that."

"How about if..." Etherwright lifted his head, then put it down again. "Nope, not that."

"Okay, well, I guess it's the old fashioned way, guys. To arms!"

# Quick-E 29

Elements – image of people running through the rain into a funeral home, a preaching ant, "a sardonic smile reveals rows of shark-like teeth and a forked tongue."

"Beware! Beware the water that commeth down like stones on a concrete slab!"

"Did you hear something?" asked Bob. Both himself and Dave were running through the downpour towards the funeral home. They were late for the ceremony. "Dave, did you hear that?"

"What? Come on, we're going to be late!" Dave looked at his watch. "We are late!" He ran off towards the main doors. Bob paused for a moment.

"Beware the flood that floweth down the garden path!"

"What the...?" Bob looked around. No one was there, even Dave had found shelter in the building. Suddenly, he saw it, under a rock on a wall...an ant?

"Beware! Beware!"

Bob walked over and looked at the ant. "Are you... talking?"

"Talking? How dare you! I'm preaching!" screeched the ant. It took a sheet of paper and read from it. "Beware the magnifying glass of...!"

Bob snatched the paper away and read. "What? Is this yours? What have you got written here? 'A sardonic smile reveals rows of shark-like teeth and a forked tongue...' What's that all about?"

"Well, I need some inspiration," smiled the ant, showing its teeth and flapped its forked tongue.

Bob dropped the paper and ran.

# Quick-E 30

Elements – image of a dragon next to a settlement, in this story it is tradition to cover the face of __________ with a mask. You pick what goes in the blank, a law that dictates all those found guilty of not obeying the curfew will face the punishment of whatever the wheel of justice lands on. Bonus - Your title is "Just Legend".

"You have been found guilty of breaking the curfew!" shouted the black robed Magistrate of Compdon Bay in front of an assembly of the town's inhabitants.

"Breaking the curfew? I only went out to have a pee!" said Bodger, as the guards tied his hands together behind his back and moved him over to the Wheel of Justice.

"Let's... spin the wheel!" screamed the Magistrate. The people squealed with delight as the Magistrate grabbed the handle and spun. It stopped on 'Dragon'.

"Dragon?" said Bodger.

"Come! Let us call the beast!" said the Magistrate, followed by the people. The guards pushed Bodger out of the courtroom and out to the bay, looking towards the sea.

"Wha...what are you doing?" The next thing he knew, they had placed something over his head.

"As is the tradition, we must cover the face of the guilty with a mask!" shouted the Magistrate. Bodger heard a horn and then a long silence.

"I can't see," said Bodger. Around him he heard screams and cries, with people running away. "What's going on?"

"It's...it's just legend!" said the Magistrate.

"What?" As he heard the man scurry away, a large wave of water crashed against the bay.

# Quick-E 31

Elements – image of a spider-like weapon, at the start of the story a weapon is introduced - everyone expects it to be used, but it's use is sillier than everyone expected", and your main character has received the following message. You can not use the message in your story, only mention it.

(Adventurer. I need you to intervene. We've had a feud with a neighboring village for years and I will not deny both sides share some blame, but they have gone too far now. Last week they came in the night, killed some of our most skilled people and left. Hero, we need your help to bring justice to those horrible vermin. I'm in no state to fight, but I know you'll manage without me.

Be strong and swift when fighting them. I'm not asking you to kill all of them, just make sure you do what I ask of you.

I cannot thank you enough for your help, I'll make sure to reward you greatly once you return. Justice will prevail hero and today you are our justice.)

"Did you read the letter?" whispered the Mayor. The villagers in the town hall were restless after the sneak attack last night from the neighbouring settlement. The feud had gone on for many years and now seemed to have reached a breaking point.

"Yes," said Chad, a hero with a reputation that spanned decades of fighting evil-doers and rogues for righteousness and justice. He'd got a call to come.

"Good. You will find the weapon around the back." He showed him a door and Chad nodded in agreement and left.

What he wasn't expecting was a large eight-legged armour-plated heavily-armed vehicle which looked suspiciously like a mechanised spider. He climbed aboard and dived into the cockpit. With a flick of a switch, the beast of a machine came alive and outside Chad heard the cheers of the villagers as they realised the fight was on. Chad waved to them through the windows as he moved the monster through the streets and towards their enemy.

Once at the border of the feuding village, Chad saw a small line of defenders, armed with shotguns and spears.

With a long sigh, Chad made the spider-like machine dance hip-hop and finished with a dab.

# Quick-E 32

Elements - image of a dragon attacking warriors, the sentence "Oh, write a book", the words "gainsay - whittle - tureen - cite - circumvent".

"The gold was over this hill but two days before!" said Galwarth, standing over the ridge, looking down across the plain.

"And my Gran could fart eggs three men high!" laughed Lithernort. The others joined in.

"Do not gainsay me!" screamed Galwarth. "There it was, I swear on my goat!"

"You've been at that Barthian ale again, haven't you, Galwarth?" asked Snifflefeed, blowing his nose and trying not to laugh.

"Oh, whittle my words you will not!" Galwarth turned to his companions in a huff.

"Oh, write a book, why don't you?" replied Lithernort.

"Oh, that was funny," said Munntherdraft, the slowest of the group. Galwarth faced him and pointed a finger.

"You call that wit? I've had sharper soups from Snifflefeed's tureen!"

They stood and looked at the empty plain in front.

"Let me cite Tharbark, the greatest warrior the Cove has ever seen this side of the moon and say..." began Snifflefeed, only to be stopped midsentence by an unearthly screech. Dragon! "Perhaps we can circumvent it by going around the hill?"

"I'll try anything once!" screamed Galwarth, sprinting over to the right.

"I think you'll only get the 'once'!" shouted Lithernort, running as fast as he could.

# Quick-E 33

Elements – image of people in a futuristic street, the title - "The Great Taste Of Nothing", curse / swear word - "Wind and Water!" Bonus - The point of view is from one of the three - " The man leaning on the poll / The man holding the child / The child holding the robot ". Bonus - "The Roots of the World" must be written somewhere. Bonus - Make the number 33 important.(not BY THE wind and water! Only - wind and water!)

The Great Taste Of Nothing

"You know the roots of the world couldn't keep me from having some quality time with you kid, but I've got 33 other things to do," said his father, kneeling down to him and giving him those sheepish eyes of his.

"Wind and Water!" swore Josh's robot.

"But Dad, you said...!" whined Josh, shaking his robot.

"You should get that bot reprogrammed, kid, swearing like that," said the guy leaning on the lamp-post, a workmate of his father's.

"You leave outta this!" shouted Josh and kicked the guy in the shin. His father had promised to take him to the 5D cinema and now he'd have to go and play with the brats in his street until his mother came back from her shift.

"Why I oughta...!" The man took a swing at Josh, but his father caught his arm. After a moment, the man went back to his original position.

"Wind and Water!" repeated Josh's robot.

"Now, please don't tell your mother about this okay? We went to the cinema, just like I said we would," said his father, who gave a wink over Josh's shoulder to the painted lady standing a few metres away.

"Okay, Dad, I won't."

Quick-E 34

Elements – an image of a table with food and guns, the acronym B.O.U.N.C.E. - that also has nothing to do with the military, a young man and an older military general.

"Grandpa, you shouldn't mix your food and guns like this," said young Giles Junior. "It's not safe." He started clearing up the table, placing the guns back into their display case and putting the food away into the fridge.

"Get yer rotten hands off them pieces, me lad! When I was general we..." The old guy shut up and sat by the window, his lips shaking with age.

"So, you WERE in the military, Grandpa?" asked Giles, who'd finished a tour in Afghanistan but for some reason his Grandpa always kept his days as an officer in WWII a secret.

"No."

"Oh, come on, Grandpa! Why the secrecy? The guns, the medals, it's as plain as day!" Giles sat opposite his Grandpa.

"I never was. I worked at the Post Office," he said, staring out of the window. "Which has nothing to do with the military."

"Yeah? So what's this? This framed recommendation, with your name on it! Something to do with a unit called B.O.U.N.C.E." Giles reached up and took it off the wall.

"Yeah? And what? I worked in B.O.U.N.C.E., which also has nothing to do with the military, I swear." He stood up and left the room.

# Quick-E 35

Elements – image of a female hero surrounded by enemies in a forest, squaring the circle, a necessary evil.

Electric wavy

"Look, I'm not squaring the circle here!" screamed Janith, slicing her sword through the cold, dense air of the dark forest. "If you give me more time, it will be done!" She whispered an incantation and a bolt of pithernium energy appeared in her hand. Although now banned in her tribe, its use was a necessary evil against such adversaries.

"We have given you the time required, yet the matter has not been dealt with. You will pay for deceiving us!" shouted the larger of the demons encompassing her.

"It will be done! It is still possible!" A demon from behind came too close and she swiped her sword across its arm, causing it to yelp in pain and step back.

"No! We have heard it before! Empty promises, empty deeds! Your kind will never treat us as equals!" The demons were in place, circling her entirely.

"Please! No! I promise, I will do as you asked! Just give me a...!" She crouched down, sword held low while the energy bolt disappeared, as did her life force.

"No! You must be punished!" The demons all took the same stance and began to sing "Can't Stop the Feeling".

"No! Not Timberlake!"

# Quick-E 36

Elements – image of futuristic buildings on the coast, the sentence "Aw yeah, time for some guilt-free arson!", a gargoyle (non-living)

"Sure looks pretty," said Jiff, poking his head into the cockpit of their ship as they flew through the clouds and got their first view of the job, the settlement on planet YX324.

"Yeah, well, pretty or not, we got orders to burn it down," said the Chief. "Remember what they did to the colonists on AD566. They deserve what's coming to them. Are you guys ready?"

"Yeah!" smiled Jiff. The Chief high-fived his small band of renegades and thieves, all willing to do a little damage for a worthy cause... and for a ton of credits.

"Aw yeah, time for some guilt-free arson!" shouted Gapper, the youngest of the group.

"Landing now," said the Chief.

***

Five hours later, the place was completely destroyed, with people lying dead throughout the settlement and the Chief's men back on board.

"Sending the message, mission complete," said the Chief. A reply came back instantly, which the Chief read out. "Good job, boys. Now we'll never have to see another gargoyle again." The Chief paused and looked out at the buildings, now in flames. "Gargoyles? Where?" The Chief looked over at the star chart. "Jiff, why is the chart set to planet YX342?"

# Quick-E 37

Elements – image of a dragon on a castle, far away, with a man looking on, talk about "Heros", he dragon dies, life goes on, and the person in the picture doesn't die. Bonus - This story must link with the next one.

Hawkes, the old wiseman of Gorth (part 1)

"I remember when there was a time of heroes, a time when men were men and women were women, oh how they were women..." continued Hawkes, the old wiseman of Gorth.

"Can you give me a hand?" asked Stuart the knight, third class, climbing the last few feet of the cliff to get to the top. "This sword belt is killing my hips."

"...and when dragons were dragons, of course!" Hawkes looked on towards the ruined castle ahead and imagined a dragon entwined around its once great towers.

"Dragons? No one said anything about dragons!" Stuart paused in his climb, waiting for a reply. "Hawkes? Hawkes! Answer me!"

"Sorry, what?" The dragon before him died in his daydream, leaving only remorse inside him for a younger and most pleasant age. "Oh yes, don't worry dear boy, dragons have been gone for centuries... well, decades, at least."

"Decades?! That's almost yesterday!" Hawkes watched Stuart try for a grab on a rock that was loose.

"I say, dear boy, not that one, it'll..." Hawkes' words of caution were too late and the rock came away from the cliff, as did Stuart. Hawkes sighed and turned back to the ruins. "Better alone, anyway."

# Quick-E 38

Elements – image of man looking out towards a castle, the theme "Do you believe in second chances?", three lines from The Beatles "I saw her standing there". Bonus - This story must link with the last one.

Hawkes, the old wiseman of Gorth (part 2)

From the ruins of Wathintrall, Hawkes could see his chosen destination, the castle of Lord Nibbinoo, abode to many a sly creature and scheming stray from as far as any eye could see. Was he ready to face what he would find within its blackened walls? A shiver ran down his spine, his leg, up his trousers and into his armpit. He was not alone.

"Do you believe in second chances?" said the voice not a few feet away.

"Only on a Friday," said Hawkes. "Especially in Lewisham, late, with a little rain and the chance of thunder, with a six-pack of beer, some condoms and a house filled with nubile strumpets. Ah, the memories, Mavis' kitchen...well, I tell you, my heart went boom when I crossed that room, if you know what I mean." SIlence enveloped around them.

"No," said the voice. "Really, I don't." A small toad-like creature crept out from a bush and stood next to him.

"Times have changed, I must admit," said Hawkes. "Now, what were you saying?"

"Do you believe in...?"

Hawkes cut the creature short with a stab to the head from his stick and marched on towards the castle. "No, sorry, I don't."

# Quick-E 39

Elements - image of a jellyfish, the title is "The note and the needle", use the words 'crown" and 'reel' twice

The Note and the Needle

"The missus?" Bert and Danny watched their lines move through the water, winding their reels as they sat.

"Yeah, the missus. I haven't seen her around for a while." A jellyfish swam by just under the surface.

"Oh. She ran away with the dentist." Bert's line caught on something and he tried to wind his reel on but unfortunately snapped the line.

"What?"

"Yeah, she ran away with the dentist. She left me an ultimatum note on the kitchen board, but I didn't see it. Her or the fishing." Bert added a new line and cast off again.

"What?! An ultimatum? That's bad."

"Yep. She pinned it up on the board with a needle and I guess it must've fallen out. I found the note much later hidden under a pizza box near the bin."

"That's too bad."

"Well, that's life," said Bert. "I've still got my fishing." They both smiled and looked out into the lake. "You know, I wondered why she was getting so many crowns done on her teeth."

"Were they good?" asked Danny.

"The crowns?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, pretty good." A fish jumped from the water.

"Have you still got his number? I need a good dentist."

# Quick-E 40

Elements - image of a large, strange creature with a man in the jungle, Risk Management , this interaction - "Just remember our code word.", "Pineapple.", "That's not the code word."

"What was that?" Cuthbert sat on the ground, surrounded by his plans on how to get into the Monkey King's chamber and steal the Golden Banana.

"Sorry," said Stath, his mouth filled with the remains of a 5 foot long fly. "I identified, assessed and determined how to reduce the risk to form a strategy."

Cuthbert began picking up the paper. "By eating it?"

"Exactly," replied Stath.

"Okay, so, can we go over the plan again?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Now, I'll go straight for the main gate," started Cuthbert.

"That's a big risk, you know that."

"We've been through this before. It's the only way to get the big guy out in the open," said Cuthbert.

"Okay, okay, you're the risk management guy," sighed Stath.

"Yes, I am. Now, you'll appear when I say the code word," said Cuthbert.

"Okay. And then I give them my big scream and they'll all scarper long enough for you to grab the Golden Banana."

"Yes. Just remember our code word."

"Pineapple," said Stath.

"That's not the code word."

"Oh. You know I'm not good at remembering code words."

"I see I'm gonna have to re-assess the risks again," said Cuthbert, shaking his head.

# Quick-E 41

Elements - Healthy Cockroaches, "Exhausting My Bank Account". Bonus - The story is "Hilarious / Funny" and does not start, but ends, in a trailer park.

"But why?" Doris asked Roger as he happily drove their trailer down the seemingly long and desolate road to nowhere.

"Because they have to be in tip-top condition, dear," said Roger.

"You're exhausting my bank account," she complained.

"Our bank account, dear," corrected Roger, running over an armadillo in his incessant need to get to wherever he was getting to.

"Not anymore! I cancelled your card! They're disgusting creatures! Awful things!" Doris turned her head slowly back to see the two dozen aquarium containers filled with large six-legged monsters.

"Disgusting? I'll tell you they're the greatest specimens you'll ever find in this here state! Disgusting? They're clean, strong and healthy! They're healthy cockroaches!" Roger drove past the sign that said 'Trailer Park 50 meters ahead' and smiled. "We're almost there! Sixty seven years I've waited for this moment!"

They entered the trailer park at top speed, about 55 miles per hour, and headed straight for the reception caravan, the place Roger knew his target and lifetime enemy, Captain Red Poop Farty Pants lay that very night.

"Oh, he's gonna get a surprise tonight!" laughed Roger. Doris put on her seatbelt and put her hands over her eyes, ready for impact.

# Quick-E 42

Elements - **Someone says "Six by Nine" to signify the end of one era and the beginning of another. Your main character is a cyborg in prison on an arctic planet during Christmas. Bonus ~777~ - The story begins with a keepsake, climaxes with the discovery of a long-lost friend, and ends with someone going to sleep.**

**777 turned the cube around in his fingers. "Ah, her voicebox unit. One keepsake I can not lose. One of many things I adored, that smooth Northern speech so missing in later models." A squeak from the cyborg's cell companion urged 777 to create a pellet of protein for the mammal. "Here," as it appeared from the abdominal dispenser. "Take it." It landed in the corner of the cell and the mouse scurried after it. "There were other features I did not see eye to eye with, however. Why they had to add those elongated nipples I will never know. 'Six by nine' was her nickname in the factory."**

**Another creature stirred near the bars of 777's cell window and kicked snow onto the floor.**

**"Snow! And why not? On such an artic planet as this, why can we not have snow for Christmas? If not a pudding, why not snow?" 777 stood up and observed who his visitor was. "Pigeon! Why, old friend, I haven't seen you for many years! Where have you been?" The bird cooed at 777 and bobbed its head. "Oh, too much excitement today," said 777. "I think I might lay down for a while..."**

# Quick-E 43

Elements - image of man saying goodbye to girl before flying off in a strange flying machine, an old mask, a metal mouse. Bonus - Something important bursts.

"Oh, Daphne, the time has come," whimpered her sullen hero.

"Oh, Godfrey, must you go?" she asked, knowing there would be no answer. "Do you have the mask, the old mask your father gave you on his deathbed? You know he'd turn in his grave if you didn't use that."

"Yes, yes, of course." He showed her. They held each other for what seemed an age. "I got you something. It'll keep you company on those long, cold nights while I'm away." Godfrey took out a long box and gave it to her. She wondered what it could be. Opening it with trepidation, she took out a long, shiny metal object. Flicking a switch, it vibrated.

"They call it a 'metal mouse', on account it scurries into a hole and sniffs around a bit, but it's just a fancy dil..."

"I know what it is," she said, eyeing it up. A clockwork motor, three speeds. She held onto it with care.

After one final embrace and passionate kiss, she watched as he walked away, waving as he went up the gangplank and disappearing into the large flying machine. The engines roared and it lifted off. Daphne felt a surge of despair- or was it desire - and was ready to leave, not wishing to watch it go, but suddenly the flying machine's balloon membrane burst and the large beast slowly wheezed itself back to the ground.

She sighed. "Oh well, I'll have to put this 'metal mouse' back in its box, then."

# Quick-E 44

Elements - Image of monks with torches walking through huge skeletons of dragons. Someone says "And why not? You look expendable and delicious." , title "Omphalos of Signal Peak." Bonus - At the beginning and end of the story (but not around the middle bit) there is a Bellanca 28-70.

"'The Bellanca 28-70 was a long-range air racer designed for James Fitzmaurice Irish, pioneer aviator, who christened it Irish Swoop. Although it was...'"

"How the hell are you getting service here?" asked Brother Crumbs to Brother Whoops who was on his mobile phone reading a piece from Wikipedia. They'd been on the Pilgrimage to the Omphalos of Signal Peak for over two weeks and were in an unsavory place of sand and bones, large bones of unseen creatures.

"Well, it's not called the Omphalos of Signal Peak for nothing. I can't get this strong a signal in the monastery!" said Brother Whoops.

"No, it's called the Omphalos of Signal Peak because it's located on the top of a mountain called Signal Peak," butted in Brother Upsydaisy.

"Whatever," said Brother Whoops. Without any warning, the ground shook and three spectacularly large skeletons of dragons came to life. "We will eat you before your next breath!" said the first.

"Erm, no, you won't," said Brother Whoops. Brother Crumbs and Upsydaisy hid behind him as the other monks dispersed amongst the sand dunes. The second dragon came forward.

"And why not? You look expendable and delicious," hissed the dragon.

"Because I still have my Pokemon Go App!" said Brother Whoops.

"Still?" asked Brother Crumbs.

"Yes. And I will capture you with it now." He aimed his phone and pressed the screen. The three dragons disappeared.

"Wha... what happened?" asked Brother Upsydaisy, stunned by Brother Whoops' actions.

"Well, with such a strong signal peak, there's no knowing what you can do with a Pokemon Go App." He continued walking on. "Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. 'Although the Bellanca 28-70 was built in time for the 1934 MacRobertson Race from England to Australia, it was never destined to be a competitive long-distance racer but...'"

Quick-E 45

Elements - Image of a 'library/study' window. A Bottle of Absinthe, the story is destabilised by a rescue. Bonus - Your theme is opportunity.

Doctor Henkins sat in the hospital's library, gazing out of the window. He'd spent the whole night looking through books, trying to find the answer to his problem patient but came up empty-handed. He took out his flask and unscrewed the cap.

"Henkins! Thought I'd find you here," said Doctor Klips. "Oh, starting early, I see."

"What? No, it's late, I mean, I need a little 'pick-me-up' to start the day. Didn't sleep a wink."

"What is that? Absinthe?" asked Doctor Klips. The sun's rays glimmered through the green alcohol.

"Yes, my grandfather's favourite."

"Isn't it...hallucinogenic?" asked Doctor Klips again, grabbing for the flask but missing due to Doctor Henkins moving it aside to another place.

"No, it is not. Merely a high volume perfumed alcohol. And very nice. And difficult to get hold of in this town."

A nurse walked past, breaking their exchange for a moment. She climbed up the ladder next to them to search for a book on the higher shelves.

"Next you'll be telling me it's not Czech," said Doctor Klips.

"It's..." The nurse slipped and fell from the ladder, only for Doctor Henkins to save her from the nasty fall at the last moment.

"Th...th...thank you, doctor," she said, fluttering her eyelashes and giving the sweetest smile Doctor Henkins had ever seen.

"It...it was nothing, really." His heart began to beat fast and his face flushed red. They laughed.

Doctor Klips took this opportunity of love blossoming to take a swig from the flask.

# Quick-E 46

Elements - Image of 2 people (one wih rifle) in the snow, walking past damaged train. When they accept a (non- life or death) wager, three sisters go to visit Fisherman. (name of one guy or job of a few). "A handsome dog." Bonus - One of the sisters has 24 hours until something happens.

"So it's agreed, then? 'Til death do us part? A wager," said Vanessa, the oldest of three sisters. It was so silent you could hear through the window the snow falling outside.

"But where will we find three men who'll do such a thing?" asked Lilli, the youngest.

"Where else? Over at Tilbury. The fishermen, they're game for anything," said Dora, the middle of the three.

"Tilbury? But that's a long train ride away. I've got my finals in..." Lilli looked at her watch. "...twenty four hours."

"We'll be back by that time," replied Vanessa. "Don't worry your skinny little ass about it." Vanessa and Dora laughed.

"It's not skinny."

***

The blackness turned to white. Cold, so cold.

"What...what happened?" Lilli couldn't see that well, but the carriage she had been sitting in with her two sisters was now on its side, windows broken and snow covering the seats. Two men appeared, one with a rifle.

"My dog, Bess, tried to shepherd some sheep 'cross the tracks before the train came, but she and a few of the flock slipped under the wheels. What with the snow and all, it was enough to derail it. Ah, Bess. A handsome dog."

# Quick-E 47

Elements - image of a fantastical library, call something "The Silver Eyes.", the words "The oldest trick in the book." Bonus - No characters or anything alive in your story. You may have someone on a trip or away (not where you are talking about) but they must be static in the story. Ex. a robot - a mouse \- a ghost - a plant. - a zombie = no Ex2. try not to do too much personification such as the wind picking things up or sighing. You can have it, just try to keep it to a minimum.

The observatory was filled with cool, dead air as no living creature had stirred in its space for nigh on one hundred years, with the telescope lovingly called by its now long-deceased owner "the silver eyes" having been placed by the large window. No one had touched a single speck of dust, turned a page of a book or stepped in contemplation for millennia. The oldest trick in the book, to deny that which was different to whatever was given before was the downfall of whoever had habituated these four knowledge-filled walls. Only time was set to stay here, forever.

# Quick-E 48

Elements - image of a placemat with knife and fork and a small piece of bread with a heart shaped hole, no conjunctions. *insert evil laugh here*. Your only characters are some sort of couple. Bonus - in the spirit of learning about stories and words... have a bone of contention in there somewhere. Yes, i also mean the bone is about stories or words. (And, Or,But,Nor,So,For,Yet,After,Although,As,As If,As Long As,Because,Before,Even If,Even Though,Once,Since, So that, Though, Till, Unless, Until, What, When, Whenever, Wherever, Whether, While.)

"I hate conjunctions!" screamed Justin, banging his fists on the table. His cutlery jumped off the placemat. "You can't make me like them!"

"You have a degree in Linguistics. It isn't good you hate conjunctions," sighed Henriette. She walked over with his lunch on a plate. "You know I love them."

"I am not going to change my position on this!" he said.

Henriette dropped the plate in front of him. It had a small piece of bread on it. "How about some persuasion?"

"Is this my dinner?" he asked. "Is this morsel meant to sway me?"

"Yes," she said. "I know you like the small, simple things in life." She smiled. Justin suppressed his.

"No, this won't work. It is not enough! I will hate conjunctions forever!" He folded his arms, looking out through the window.

"You will love them. I do." Henriette cut out a heart shape in the bread with a cookie cutter. Justin couldn't hold it any longer.

"This... this is perfect," he said, with a tear rolling down his cheek. "Okay, I give in. Conjunctions are needed. They are a necessary part of our language." Grabbing his cutlery, he ate the bread. Henriette had won.

# Quick-E 49

Elements - image of two large facelike machines near a waterfall with a man on a bridge, the title 'Fish Wish', the sentences " **Why do you weep? Did you think I was immortal?"**

**Fish WIsh**

**He looked on longingly at the fall of water between the massive industrial machines which kept them alive. If only they hadn't reached the brink of destruction with their stupidity. If only they needn't have built these 'monstrosities of correction' to clean the dying atmosphere. And to mold them into the form of human faces, well, that was another grind to bear for poor old Witherford. A cry from the far side of the bridge made him sigh deeper.**

**"Sire! Be careful! The bridge is not safe at these times! The vapor from the machines is known to make it slippery!" His apprentice and carer, Stimson, ran towards him, losing his footing a few times but finally coming to a halt a few feet away."Sire!"**

**"Is it worth it, anymore, Stimson? Is anything worth it? We have come to an end, humanity." Stimson bowed. "All I wish for is a fish..." He jumped off the bridge and towards the water, falling to a lower ledge a few hundred feet below.**

**"Sire!"**

**He felt a touch and saw it was Stimson, his face over his, crying.**

**"Why do you weep? Did you think I was immortal?" He closed his eyes forever.**

# Quick-E 50

Elements - image of three flying robots looking at an icebreaker wreck, the title - Farmers Of Ice, "A Cracked Road Leads To Injury." Bonus - "Saving It For Yesterday."

**Farmers of Ice**

"We must retrieve ice for the main computer," said 95, waving over 93 and 94.

"Again? We did that last week, and the week before that, and the week before that, and the..." said 93.

"Yes, yes. But we must keep it cool," said 95.

"Oh look! An old icebreaker," said 94.

"Many centures old," said 95.

"A cracked road leads to injury," said 94.

"What?" asked 93.

"Nothing," said 94. They got ready to cut the ice.

"95, watch 94," said 93 on their secure channel.

"Okay." 95 switched back to the open channel. "Hey, 94, do you have that RS457 we salvaged from 92? Mine seems to be playing up," asked 95. Its left limb sparked and jittered.

"Yes, I do, but I was saving it for yesterday," said 94.

"I think your circuits are freezing up, 94. That is an illogical statement," said 93.

"Well, a light in the night is a night without a fright," replied 94.

"Looks like you're correct," said 95. "94's had it," relayed 95 to 93 through their secure channel.

"Okay. You take the right and I'll take the left."

"Living in limbo!" said 94 before 93 and 95 ripped him apart.

# Quick-E 51

Elements – image of a man walking to a strange house on stilts in the snow, a place called - Little Rockers Daycare Center, Masquerade Ball. Bonus - "What is broken when it's not held?"

"What is broken when it's not held?" said the little shit.

"A promise," I replied. "Yes, I will pick you up when I'm done. What's the address?"

The guy scooped up his bag and jumped off the kitchen stool, and ran towards the door. "It's on the note!" he said as the bus outside honked its horn.

Anxious to leave for my job interview, the greatest opportunity yet in my career so far, I finally found a note of sorts hidden behind the television on the floor. Perhaps it was blown there. Without clearly looking at the writing, I put it in my pocket and rushed outside. Of course the car wouldn't start. There was a green plastic baseball bat stuck in the exhaust.

+++

Little Rockers Daycare Center. It seemed normal enough, but after three hours trudging through the snow, I saw a strange building up ahead, raised on stilts. With a cold, heavy heart, I knocked. The door creaked open to show the guy's masked face.

"Where's YOUR mask? This is a Masquerade Ball!" screamed the little shit, howling and crying towards the crowd of parents and children on the other side of the room, all looking on accusingly.

# Quick-E 52

Elements – image of a knight looking towards a stone dragon on a hill, a place called - Far Water - It has an economy that is mainly supported by cooking, medicine and fishing, and a tradition to tie the hands and feet of the deceased. It's supposed to help the spirit of the deceased find the spirits of its ancestors. Bonus - Explain or show how it helps.

**Starkon stood on the peak of the mountain overlooking the valley. Ahead, he saw a hill which could only be described as a stone dragon.**

**"My, what a strange beast to find in these parts," said Starkon to the wind.**

**"...said the whore to the priest!" laughed a whiny voice below.**

**With one movement of his halberd, Starkon flung the possessor of said voice out into the open. "Who, by the gods, are you?"**

**"Me? Who's asking?"**

**Starkon pushed his halberd into the little man's throat.**

**"Oh! You! I'm Squirt, from Far Water, a little village down yonder."**

**"What is this place you name?" Starkon pushed his blade further into the man's gullet.**

**"It's... it's a small place, not many people, has an economy that is mainly supported by cooking, medicine and fishing, and... and we have a strange tradition of tying the hands and feet of the deceased."**

**"I'm sorry? What?"**

**"It... it's supposed to help the spirit of the deceased find the spirits of its ancestors," said Squirt.**

**"How so?"**

**"We... we tie them to the same poles!"**

**Starkon held his halberd to the man's throat and with a grunt, let it swing, cutting Squirt down. "Fair enough."**

# Quick-E 53

Elements – image of a castle and two knights on horseback, a new friend claims that someone will need to find a new home as this current place will be demolished by the government. A large sum of money will be paid if it is left within the week, "What if somebody is orchestrating all of this?" Bonus - someone is using an animal not suitable to be used as a mount as a mount.

**"It's so good to have a companion on this road," said Sir Russell to his new friend Sir Rowe.**

**"Yes, it's much better in two. Someone to talk to while we travel on our way," replied Sir Rowe.**

**They both smiled and rode their turkey steads through the thick, dark forest. Once on the other side, a valley appeared with a castle sitting proudly by a lake.**

**"And here I am, my destination!" said Sir Russell. His companion looked shocked. "Why, Sir Rowe, what's wrong?"**

**"Why, Sir Russell, this is my destination, too. I must tell the owner of this castle that they will need to find a new home as this current place will be demolished by the government. A large sum of money will be paid if it is left within the week," said Sir Rowe.**

**"Why, Sir Rowe, it is I who own such an establishment. I placed a sum of money on it but two days ago," said Sir Russell.**

**"Then it's your lucky day!" Sir Rowe handed over Sir Russell a large sack of money, which after weighing, he placed under his saddle. Then Sir Russell stopped.**

**"But a moment, my dear companion. This is quite irregular, so many deals in such a short time. What if somebody is orchestrating all of this?"**

# Quick-E 54

Elements – **You will use this story as your next story by adding as many words as you used in this one so the next one is exactly twice as long. The theme is silly. Bonus - something small, fluffy, and cute (but we don't get to know what it is yet)**

The explosion shook the foundations of the building, making rimbats scream and scuttle away into the cracks and crevices of Scuffbag's laboratory. His friend and assistant, Flooty, skipped through the yellow and blue cloud.

"What'ya doing?" she asked, pulling a few levers and pressing a button or two.

"Don't do that," ordered Scuffbag.

"Oh, isn't it so cute!" screeched Flooty.

"You're talking about it as though it's alive," said Scuffbag.

"But it is! It's so small and fluffy...hey! It winked at me!" she said.

"How can it wink, it doesn't even have eyes...oops, looks like I'll need to try again..."

# Quick-E 55

Elements – Image of two skeletons of warriors in a room. Use your last story in this story by adding as many words as you used in the last one (exactly twice as long). Turn it into a puzzle-solving challenge stories.(eg: The Eleventh Hour by Graeme Base). Bonus - one of two things - have the answer to the puzzle be what the fluffy thing is. ~ or ~ use the picture in the puzzle.

**The explosion shook the foundations of the building, making rimbats scream and scuttle away into the cracks and crevices of Scuffbag's laboratory. That wasn't meant to happen at all. He'd been careful to put just the right amount of ingredients into the contraption. Why had it blown? The skeleton warriors in the corner moaned and creaked in their forever slumber.**

**His friend and assistant, Flooty, joyfully skipped through the yellow and blue cloud. "What'ya doing?" she asked, pulling a few levers and pressing a button or two. Scuffbag slapped her playful hand.**

**"Don't do that," ordered Scuffbag. As the cloud dispersed, they both saw it.**

**"Oh, isn't it so cute!" screeched Flooty, picking up Scuffbag's latest creation.**

**"You're talking about it as though it's alive," said Scuffbag, trying to snatch it away.**

**"But it is! It's so small and fluffy...hey! It winked at me!" she said.**

**"How can it wink at you, it doesn't even have eyes..." Both Flooty and Scuffbag looked at each other.**

**"What's that smell?" asked Flooty.**

**"It's reminiscent of something, rather like...Trinitrotoluene," replied Scuffbag.**

**"What's that?"**

# **"TNT." The small, fluffy 'creation' farted once more and Flooty dropped it. "Oops, looks like I'll need to try again..."**

#  **List of Elements**

Iron Writer Challenges

180 - working through a cold, getting no sleep for days, monkey bars on a school playground, carrying a baby.

181 - puppy love, bubble gum, playing with fire, velvet gloves.

182 - a lying national media cable TV anchorman (real or fictional), global warming, a crystal ball, a small snowblower.

183 – a music stand, a blue feather duster, an antique gold photo frame, a minor catastrophe

184 - a naked Barbie doll (don't get carried away!), a plumber, butternut squash, a dog collar.

185 - boys reading in front of a train depot circa 1940, a slumlord, a pile of dung, three shots heard in the distance.

186 - one hot summer day, adeserted island, buried treasure, chicken with its head cut off.

187 - crepey skin, finish with the sentence - "I'm sure they think we're aliens.", gingham material,(Fred Perry gingham shirt) an old farm couple.

188 - Sound of Silence by Disturbed. (Restricted to: 'And the people bowed and prayed, to the neon god they made.', the setting is you are at a last place where you were hurt, for the first time since you were hurt, a homeless child, a slum.

189 - a WWII Pilot on amphetamines, a broken alarm clock, as many of the gates of hell as you can get in, mirrors.

190 - antigonish (poem) restricted to the first verse, another person's dream you are envious of, a hangman's noose, Will you never leave me?

191 - cocaine toothache drops, a lemon tree, a vampire, a songwriter.

192 - Nightmoves - Bob Seger (any verse from the song, or scene in the video.), the Moon King, a pair of well worn cowboy boots, a friendship that breaks up.

193 – a woman in a clothes dryer, menstrual cramps, a hairbrush without bristles, a wooden hanger

194 - Smokestacks at night, unknown assailant, a maze, a chamber pot overflowing with radioactive candy bars from a parallel universe

195 - Lying Eyes – Eagles Anything from this song(City girls just seem to find out early  
How to open doors with just a smile), snow drifts, silk striped pajamas, an entitled victim.

196 - Remember by Nilsson, a scorched map, a white lace handkerchief, Jasmine

197 - the setting is from the poem A Way Through the Woods by Rudyard Kipling, a wind chime, a snow angel, a coffin.

198 - a Studebaker (song - whatever you can take from it), a near miss fatal accident a character missed, begins with "My real name is __________ and I am here to ____________.", last Line must be "How can I live without you?"

199 - Gov't processed cheese, coffee grinds, ice cream, wealth.

200 – The Proclaimers 500 Miles (anything you take from the song), a Quest, chocolate, the Evil twin

201 - Do Not Go Gently Into that Goodnight, doing a puzzle, a saxophone, a basement.

202 - A sunrise, a revelation, a fairy tale, Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?

203 - moonshine, a state fair, nursing a broken heart, starlight.

204 (2017 Summer Solstice Prelim) – a talking piano, a novel (real or fictional), a photo album, an osiria rose

205 (2017 Summer Solstice Final) – Stonehenge, suffering, time travel, Arwyn's song

206 - sunrise, a colicky baby, marriage blinders, POV of one of your parents.

207 - Hurt by Johnny Cash (whatever you take from the lyrics), bells, bells and more bells, a haunted church, a candle

208 - Asian men reading the newspaper circa 1920, insegrevious, a magic hat that can do only one trick, a giant topiary.

209 – image of an Iron Writer when young, a lyric from the song The Rain, the Park and Other Things by the Cowsills(I love tghat flower girl, oh I don't know just why, she simply caught my eye), a picnic, a Drive-In Movie

210 (Grudge Match #18) - a medical condition, a sword, greed.

211 - image of a man in a spacesuit with a boy on his knee, colonization, someone left behind, fear

212 (2017 Autumm Prelim) - a key to a locker at the bus station, a cat that is allergic to humans, a sock with a hole in it, a gift from a stranger

213 (2017 Autumn Final) – kissing a stranger without permission, a dream catcher, disorientation, autumn leaves

214 (2017 Annual Final) - **the Sanctuary of Truth, a question, an answer, either a lie or a truth, you must not say which**

4th Annual DJC Invitational - 35 Challenges (180-214) (35 elements in 500 words! (525 max))

Weekend Quickies

204 - Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here, use these lyrics to inform/ inspire your story, a character that's conflicted, image of an open door and a desk

205 – image of person kayaking on lake with star-filled night sky above, infatuation, color as a verb

206 - image of a cabin under snow, a diverse group of people find themselves trapped in a cabin, 5 days before Thanksgiving, candour

207 - image of a Cuban car in Cuba, coup de foudre (love at first sight/bolt of lightning), Eleven Days Later

208 – image of Roald Dahl's workplace, a metaphor about a box of Magic Markers, curiosity

209 – image of tattoed ma playing a piano, insouciance, an invisible man

210 – image of the Christmas tree at Rockerfeller Ice rink, New York, a bellman at The Plaza Hotel, NYC, Deja vu

211 - image of family opening presents under the Xmas tree, Saudade or "A Nostalgic longing at Christmas", the North Star (Use it as you see fit.)

212 – image of a beach with sunbeds, an impish muse, a New Year's resolution

213 - an image of a glow-in-the-dark mushroom found amid the moss of the Monteverde Rainforest in Costa Rica, a starfish that grants wishes, curiosity

214 – image of two almost naked men in Star Wars stormtrooper helmets sitting in a kitchen, 17.31528° N, -87.53444° E, ineluctability

215 - an image of women demonstrating (Women Unite!), "The soul has no secret that the behavior does not reveal." Lao Tzu, a misanthrope

216 - nodus tollens, an order of egg rolls, image of trainers on ice with a shadow below the surface

217 - image of swans swimming through street, Habromania, your character is making cake

218 - image of smog over George Washington Bridge, New York City, 1973, an Augean Task, "bread and circuses"

219 - image of kissing couple in a telephone box, monachopsis, an oriflamme

220 - image of pimped up car in front of 'Advance Auto Parts', indecision, grape jelly

221 - image of garden from the viewpoint of something small, 300 miles, a salt shaker

222 – image of the sun at Key West, Florida, Waldeinsamkeit, disorientation

223 - image of a goat up a tree, a dozen doughnuts, a tenebrific mood

224 – image of man with cards, prestidigitation, zemblanity

225 – photo of the Upside Down Plaza, a dive bar in Southside Birmingham, Alabama, a reunion, perspicacity

226 – picture of Easter L'eggs, Easter Sunrise service, white patent leather shoes

227 - image of a couple on their wedding day (70s), any line from the song, "Delta Dawn", a somnambulist

228 - image of a dead tree holding empty bottles, a coterie, "From which stars have we fallen, to meet each other here?" Friedrich Nietzsche

229 - image of 4 people standing on the top of a van at night, Aeromancy, an anachronistic rebel

230 – image of couple kissing while feathers float down, a beach umbrella, alpas: a Phillipine word meaning, "to break free"

231 - image of a broken gangplank to a distant dock, the Duchenne smile, a nursery rhyme

232 - image of a polar bear on a piece of floating ice, incontrovertibility, a feather pillow

233 - image of some old Pittsburgh streets, melancholy, a grapefruit

234 – image of smoke falling over a person under an umbrella, avarice, delirium

235 - image of a large pink flamingo inflatable in a pool, Watergate sald, mischievousness

236 – image of a frog in a pond, scherzando, a ping pong ball

237 - image of a purple fireworks display in water , Grape Kool-Aid, perspicasity

238 - image of a flying circus tent, Ineluctably, A Birthday Wish

239 – image of child flying through window into bedroom, a Water Bear: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tardigrade, incredulity

240 - image of a wilderness lodge set in British Columbia, a pulchritudinous gypsy, alacrity.

241 - image of hotel keys, an implacable character, a peacock feather

242 - image of a storm out at sea, ebullience, a creature of the sea.

243 - image of tree pruners at the turn of the century, affability, yellow curry

Quick-Es

Q1 – image of 2 spaceships flying over 2 horsemen, a mailbox, abandoned

Q2 - image of a wasp eating fruit, bones, A Child's Guide To Mystical Insects

Q3 - image of Tron motorbikes racing, the secret society of Ashoka's Nine Unknown Men, the wrong newspaper

Q4 - image of a man surveying a wide open space in the USA, an ultimatum, two feet

Q5 - image of sniper in the woods, "A Zugzwang", "A Quockerwodger (or)A Hampelmann" (aka: Jumping Jack, but you can't use that name.)

Q6 - image of two people landing on a planet, use the sentence "Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason." and "The USS Hazard".

Q7 - The image of the "Alien" monster, Ellen Louise Ripley, Horror film cliché mistake by the protagonist

Q8 - Alice Through the Looking Glass, slight annoyance, image of a strange building with people milling about and a large statue standing above them.

Q9 - An unseen servant, a generator with 8 hours of fuel, image from Erik Johansson, boy pouring water from a picture into a sea, with small ships sailing from the pictures

Q10 - A crossbow bolt, you must have no other characters mentioned and no dialogue in the story, other than the main character. Image of an ancient sacred building in the desert by Jordan Grimmer

Q11 - Image of an old building on large tractor treads in a field, a bombshell, a place called, "The Crater"

Q12 - image of a castle by a small port, the sentence "You could get arrested for that.", and a Kingfisher.

Q13 - image of a snowy night scene outside Racoon City Library, use one line from The House of the Rising Sun by The Animals, give your main character(s) a reason to not going inside (that also means your character(s) stay outside.)

Q14 - image of a GO board but do not use the picture as a normal GO board. Use your imagination. A power glove, a scratch made by a cat.

Q15 - image of car stopped in road, with mirror sphere in front, exactly three sentences of dialogue, and use a line from the song: Creedence Clearwater Revival - Down On The Corner

Q16 - image of a waterfall with cliffs, city and boat, a mental prisoner meets a physical prisoner, your human character(s) has not been on dry land for three days.

Q17 - image of futuristic street, give your story a moral about greed, the phrase "six dead cats in a blender"

Q18 – image of a large tower over a small village, a strange uniform, have a Limnic Eruption or something like it.

Q19 – image of a ship wrecked on ice, passengers leaving, a misunderstanding, a bittersweet happy ending

Q20 - image of a burning factory, the title must be "Sabotage", a Musical Jolly Chimp.

Q21 - image of a busy market, Something is physically unearthed, and find inspiration from Schrodinger's cat (but no unearthing the "cat".)

Q22 – image of strange area of water, a biblioclast, a cesspool.

Q23 - close-up image of a woolen jumper, three daggers, the sentence "The label is the law".

Q24 – image of sci-fi exit door, an Inflatable kiddie pool, a creature that must be detectable by two of the following - a Digital thermometer / a Smoke detector / a Camcorder / Radio or cell phone like earpiece.

Q25 - image of 2 people in desolute snowy area, two lines from the song "MARTY ROBBINS - Big Iron"*, and use the character below for your main character (Rice: Male Reanimated Demon. Rice has gray skin and dark yellow eyes. He wields a Colt .357 revolver. Rice is fascinated by ancient history and civilizations.)

QE26 - your title must be "The Grave", the idiom - "A Light In The Night Is A Night Without Fright", an image of a captain and a humanoid in a captain's cabin, one pointing a crossbow at the captain

QE 27 – image of squid attacking aircraft carrier and plane coming into land, hearing Footsteps, "A Piece of Cake" (What is happening in the image is real. It can be about to happen or has happened or is happening, but it is real. Also the squid thing is a squid thing, NOT some misunderstood alien that says oops sorry and leaves.)

QE 28 – image of an army in camp, waiting to attack a castle, a Malfunctioning Teleporter, "Turtles All the Way Down".

QE29 - image of people running through the rain into a funeral home, a preaching ant, "a sardonic smile reveals rows of shark-like teeth and a forked tongue."

QE30 - image of a dragon next to a settlement, in this story it is tradition to cover the face of __________ with a mask. You pick what goes in the blank, a law that dictates all those found guilty of not obeying the curfew will face the punishment of whatever the wheel of justice lands on. Bonus - Your title is "Just Legend".

QE31 - image of a spider-like weapon, at the start of the story a weapon is introduced - everyone expects it to be used, but it's use is sillier than everyone expected", and your main character has received the following message. You can not use the message in your story, only mention it.

(Adventurer. I need you to intervene.

We've had a feud with a neighboring village for years and I will not deny both sides share some blame, but they have gone too far now. Last week they came in the night, killed some of our most skilled people and left. Hero, we need your help to bring justice to those horrible vermin. I'm in no state to fight, but I know you'll manage without me.

Be strong and swift when fighting them. I'm not asking you to kill all of them, just make sure you do what I ask of you.

I cannot thank you enough for your help, I'll make sure to reward you greatly once you return. Justice will prevail hero and today you are our justice.)

QE32 - image of a dragon attacking warriors, the sentence "Oh, write a book", the words "gainsay - whittle - tureen - cite - circumvent".

QE33 - image of people in a futuristic street, the title - "The Great Taste Of Nothing", curse / swear word - "Wind and Water!" Bonus - The point of view is from one of the three - " The man leaning on the poll / The man holding the child / The child holding the robot ". Bonus - "The Roots of the World" must be written somewhere. Bonus - Make the number 33 important.(not BY THE wind and water! Only - wind and water!)

QE34 - an image of a table with food and guns, the acronym B.O.U.N.C.E. - that also has nothing to do with the military, a young man and an older military general.

QE35 – image of a female hero surrounded by enemies in a forest, squaring the circle, a necessary evil.

QE36 - image of futuristic buildings on the coast, the sentence "Aw yeah, time for some guilt-free arson!", a gargoyle (non-living)

QE37 - image of a dragon on a castle, far away, with a man looking on, talk about "Heros", he dragon dies, life goes on, and the person in the picture doesn't die. Bonus - This story must link with the next one.

QE38 - image of man looking out towards a castle, the theme "Do you believe in second chances?", three lines from The Beatles "I saw her standing there". Bonus - This story must link with the last one.

QE39 - image of a jellyfish, the title is "The note and the needle", use the words 'crown" and 'reel' twice

QE40 - image of a large, strange creature with a man in the jungle, Risk Management , this interaction - "Just remember our code word.", "Pineapple.", "That's not the code word."

QE41 - Healthy Cockroaches, "Exhausting My Bank Account". Bonus - The story is "Hilarious / Funny" and does not start, but ends, in a trailer park.

QE42 - **Someone says "Six by Nine" to signify the end of one era and the beginning of another. Your main character is a cyborg in prison on an arctic planet during Christmas. Bonus ~777~ - The story begins with a keepsake, climaxes with the discovery of a long-lost friend, and ends with someone going to sleep.**

QE43 - image of man saying goodbye to girl before flying off in a strange flying machine, an old mask, a metal mouse. Bonus \- Something important bursts.

QE44 - Image of monks with torches walking through huge skeletons of dragons. Someone says "And why not? You look expendable and delicious." , title "Omphalos of Signal Peak." Bonus \- At the beginning and end of the story (but not around the middle bit) there is a Bellanca 28-70.

QE45 - Image of a 'library/study' window. A Bottle of Absinthe, the story is destabilised by a rescue. Bonus - Your theme is opportunity.

QE46 - Image of 2 people (one wih rifle) in the snow, walking past damaged train. When they accept a (non- life or death) wager, three sisters go to visit Fisherman. (name of one guy or job of a few). "A handsome dog." Bonus - One of the sisters has 24 hours until something happens.

QE46 - image of a fantastical library, call something "The Silver Eyes.", the words "The oldest trick in the book." Bonus \- No characters or anything alive in your story. You may have someone on a trip or away (not where you are talking about) but they must be static in the story. Ex. a robot - a mouse - a ghost - a plant. - a zombie = no Ex2. try not to do too much personification such as the wind picking things up or sighing. You can have it, just try to keep it to a minimum.

QE48 - image of a placemat with knife and fork and a small piece of bread with a heart shaped hole, no conjunctions. *insert evil laugh here*. Your only characters are some sort of couple. Bonus - in the spirit of learning about stories and words... have a bone of contention in there somewhere. Yes, i also mean the bone is about stories or words. (And, Or,But,Nor,So,For,Yet,After,Although,As,As If,As Long As,Because,Before,Even If,Even Though,Once,Since, So that, Though, Till, Unless, Until, What, When, Whenever, Wherever, Whether, While.)

QE49 - image of two large facelike machines near a waterfall with a man on a bridge, the title 'Fish Wish', the sentences " **Why do you weep? Did you think I was immortal?"**

QE-50 - image of three flying robots looking at an icebreaker wreck, the title - Farmers Of Ice, "A Cracked Road Leads To Injury." Bonus - "Saving It For Yesterday."

QE 51 – image of a man walking to a strange house on stilts in the snow, a place called - Little Rockers Daycare Center, Masquerade Ball. Bonus - "What is broken when it's not held?" (a promise)

QE 52- image of a knight looking towards a stone dragon on a hill, a place called - Far Water - It has an economy that is mainly supported by cooking, medicine and fishing, and a tradition to tie the hands and feet of the deceased. It's supposed to help the spirit of the deceased find the spirits of its ancestors. Bonus - Explain or show how it helps.

QE 53 – image of a castle and two knights on horseback, a new friend claims that someone will need to find a new home as this current place will be demolished by the government. A large sum of money will be paid if it is left within the week, "What if somebody is orchestrating all of this?" Bonus - someone is using an animal not suitable to be used as a mount as a mount.

QE 54 - You will use this story as your next story by adding as many words as you used in this one so the next one is exactly twice as long. The theme is silly. Bonus - something small, fluffy, and cute (but we don't get to know what it is yet)

QE 55 - Image of two skeletons of warriors in a room. Use your last story in this story by adding as many words as you used in the last one (exactly twice as long). Turn it into a puzzle-solving challenge stories.(eg: The Eleventh Hour by Graeme Base). Bonus - one of two things - have the answer to the puzzle be what the fluffy thing is. ~ or ~ use the picture in the puzzle.

(back to ToC)
**Biography**

After a lifetime of reading clones and a decade of proofreading coffee table books, Dani started writing, so far completing a handful of novels, including "Man by a tree", "The Bethlehem Fiasco", "The Rage of Atlantis", "Manna-X" and "How to Build a Castle in Seven Easy Steps" (Line by Lion Publications) and hundreds of Flash Fiction stories, including a few novelettes, "TDX2", "Alice on the Outside-In" and "All For Love". When not putting finger to keyboard, dabbling in Shakespeare, teaching English, proofreading, washing up, hoovering, and driving all over the place, he is busy with his loving and long-suffering family.

Novels and Novellas

Man by a Tree

The Bethlehem Fiasco

The Rage of Atlantis

TDX2

Manna-X

How to Build a Castle in Seven Easy Steps

Alice on the Outside-In

All For Love

How to Sink a Ship (in eight long, excruciatingly terrifying, stinkingly evil nights)

...and hundreds of short stories and flash fiction published in many anthologies, including the self-published 'Dani's Shorts' series.

Blog: https://danijcaile.blogspot.com/

Twitter: @jedlica (https://twitter.com/jedlica)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DaniJCaile/

