Recently I started an internship program
called "handjobs for kids"
It made sense because it requires a lot of hands on activity
and my demographic is kids that are either entering or just getting out of college
Which is when I received an email from someone that didn't exactly meet my target demographic
An FBI agent reached out to me wanting to discuss "handjobs for kids"
so I thought about it and I said "okay"
I didn't know what an FBI agent could possibly want with "handjobs for kids"
but I was excited to find out
although, I must admit, the prospect of interviewing somebody that much older than me
and that much more experienced was a little nerve-racking
All I had to do was keep my wits about me
and remember that I was the one that made "hand jobs for kids"
and the FBI agent was there for me
So, first impressions
I wasn't a huge fan of anybody on the team that would be taller than me
so that was strike one
The silent type
Honestly, exactly what we needed
Everybody on our team already talks far too much
I could tell Agent Banks made it difficult for anybody to figure out what he was thinking
and to be honest that seems like a difficult combination for our group
It's hard enough to figure out what Cib and James are thinking
even when they're directly telling me what they're thinking
For instance, what I'm about to show you is an argument about brand recognition between me, James, and Cib
It lasts about 45 seconds
This happens every day
Every single day
There's never a day where this doesn't happen
Let me say it one more time
I do this every day
It was definitely strange Agent Banks knew all of our legal names
Well, almost
On Twitter he goes as James Deangelis
which is definitely a stage name
and I'm not sure if we're ever actually going to get James's real last name
Also, there's a huge part of me that will never care
Reverse interview, huh
Talk about a twist and a half
The interview was going really well I thought
especially after all of the preparation
Lately, whenever Cib's gotten into a conversation with anybody in public
I intervene in a very obstructive manner
This teaches Cib to be on his feet at all times
Now, look, this may seem harsh
but it makes Cib a better person
I know it for a fact
Just watch this next one
Anyone can say they have the greatest boss
or the greatest leader
but you can say that yours called you a sex offender in public?
Hm
Potentially some of you
The interview lasted for over two hours
but it was more Agent Banks asking us questions
which I found very interesting
That's right, Cib has ten laws
and nine of those laws are, in fact, Possession
*slight chuckle* This is gonna sound strange and I'm sure a lot of you guys won't understand this
because you weren't there and you didn't feel what I felt
what I'm talking about is in this particular moment
and you're not gonna believe what I'm gonna say
it very much felt like Chris Hansen's "To Catch a Predator"
because, first off, an FBI agent
Secondly, we're walking out of a venue
It felt like he was about to tell me I was going to be arrested
I know, it sounds weird
It's just how I felt
Something wasn't quite right
an FBI agent
wanted to meet up with us to intern at our company?
When he has a full-time job at the FBI?
What was I not able to connect?
What was missing?
Yep, that's about when I realized
I realized that our internship process
was essentially illegal
because subtitle work, amongst the other things we wanted our interns to do,
wasn't directly related to the entertainment industry
I couldn't believe how stupid I was
and I was ready
because I knew any second Agent Banks was going to arrest me
*skateboard falling* aww naw dude
