 Yo.
Trumpito gave an
interview to Axios
and it aired Monday night.
Proceed with caution.
 There are those who say,
you can test too much.
You do know that.
 Who says that?
 If you look at death--
- Yeah, it's going up again.
- Let's look.
 Daily death.
 Take a look at some of these.
 This is the way
you come into school.
It's like a project
all over the place.
You're like, yo, yo, yo, look.
Uh, so, uh, so you
know what I'm saying?
Like right here,
this chart right here
indicates that you know, we're
doing real good, much better
than South Korea and
Cameroon and you know,
other places like that.
So look at that.
 Right here, the
United States is
lowest in numerous categories.
 The lowest at what?
Boy!
 We're lower than the world,
 Lower than the world?
 We're lower than Europe.
 Yo, this guy is everybody
on the entire planet, right?
He said, what?
Every reaction that this guy
has, is just like, my man,
what are you saying?
He's not even taking
notes at this point.
He's just clicking a pen like,
yo, this guy is out of here.
 Take a look.
Right here.
Here's case death.
 Whenever Judge Judy
asks them for evidence
and they don't have it,
they start shuffling
papers around like this.
Oh, so you want the phone bill?
The phone bill from
what day exactly?
 Your Honor, are you looking
for January, 2019 or 2017.
 Also those bars
are simple as hell.
 Yo, yo.
Four bars.
 Yo, that's not
even PowerPoint.
That's Microsoft Paint.
That's that simple.
He made those in Instagram.
He didn't use a computer.
He just used safety
scissors, construction paper,
and Elmer's glue,
and some crayons.
 Oh, sad.
 That first line is like that's
how long my Adderall rail was
before I did this interview.
 Sheesh.
 Allegedly,
allegedly, allegedly.
 Also the reporter
doing all this,
while keeping his hand in his
pocket, is quite the flex.
Hes not even getting
rattled or nothing.
 And he got the
Chelsea boots on
and he's doing the little
like restless leg thing.
That like when you're tired
of somebody's bullshit,
you just sit there
like, all right.
OK, OK.
 United States, you
take the number of case.
Now look, we're last,
meaning were first.
 We're last,
meaning we're first.
 You've asked me to acknowledge
that killer priest shit.
Yeah, first be last.
 Listen, if you
open your third eye,
you'll understand, calcify
your pineal gland, we're first.
That means we're last,
which means we're first.
Think about it.
 Mr. President,
Ghislaine Maxwell
has been arrested on allegations
of child sex trafficking.
 Her friend or boyfriend--
 Epstein.
 --was either killed or
committed suicide in jail.
And people are still trying to
figure out how did it happen?
Was it suicide?
Was he killed?
 Did I do it?
I don't know.
 He's looking to Urkel,
he's like did I do that?
We know you did it, chump.
 It was you Colonel Mustard
in the library with the pipe.
I see you, motherfucker.
 I've never heard
of this woman.
I know nothing about
her sex crimes,
but look, but let me tell you
the hot tea about her boyfriend
dying in jail, child.
Listen, his name was Jeffrey.
It's like, OK,
Charles, we get it.
Trump is sitting in
the window of 227,
just gossiping, like,
let me tell you.
 Let me tell you something
about this Ghislaine Maxwell.
I'll tell you all about
it, Sandra, I mean,
no place, honey.
 How do you think history
will remember John Lewis?
 I don't know.
I really don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know John Lewis.
He chose not to come
to my inauguration.
 Wow what a bitch!
 Wow Petty.
 What a bitch ass thing it was.
 Petty.
 What a fucking clown.
 I never met John
Lewis actually.
 Do you find him impressive?
 Uh, I can't say
one way or the other.
I find a lot of
people impressive.
I find many people
not impressive.
 Sounds like Miro
after watching
"The Last Dance" documentary.
And people was like,
was he than LeBron?
 Like, well, you
know sometimes, well,
when you take it to John Paxton
and things of that nature,
you know, it's a lot of things
but, no, yes, but no, and now.
Yes and no.
But LeBron, but
you know, yes, no.
 He didn't come to my
State of the Union speeches.
 Yo!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
 Was going to say seder.
 Didn't come to my seder.
 Seder, yes.
 I was like let
me find out he's
just sliding some
Judaism in here.
He didn't come to
my bat mitzvah.
He didn't come to my seder.
Didn't come to Passover.
 He wasn't at my bris.
 During a press
conference on Tuesday,
Trump talked about
the national parks.
 When their eyes widened
in amazement as Old Faithful
bursts into the sky, when
they gaze upon Yosemights,
yosemights.
 Yo, what?
He's never hurt of
Yosemite before?
 Never, dog.
At listen, he looks
like a looney tune.
Watch the motherfucker.
 That looks like baby Trump.
I guess, asking his
mother can I watch
Yosemite Sam on Looney Tunes.
 Can I please watch
Yosemite Samuel.
He's my favorite Jewish
person with guns.
I love it.
- That's right.
Unbelievable.
I feel like Yosemite Sam
was like an actual person
who would be very anti-Semitic.
 Extremely.
 He'd just be very like, you
know like, America first vibe.
 He gives you big Trump 2020
motherfucker vibes, right?
Exactly.
And he's not wearing a mask, OK?
 Not at all.
He's like it doesn't cover
my mustache/beard/face.
