Hiya, what can I get you?
A coffee please, you TWAT.
Don't tell me what to do.
- What? 
- Hey mate, can I get a coffee please?
No, a tea.
No. Coffee.
No, tea.
No, coffee.
No, tea… coffee.
Err...Coffee or tea, coffee or tea, coffee or tea.
Errrrr...
Close call, but could I get a coffee?
Yeah, what kind? We’ve got flat white, latte,
cappuccino --
- A Coffee please.
- Yeah... But what kind --
A coffee.
Right.

A coffee.
- What sort of filth is that?
- It's a filter coffee.
- That's not what I wanted.
- But you didn't say what you wanted.
I won't drink it! Make me another one. And
make it... nicer.
That’s a waste of coffee isn’t it?
I'll make you another one as a goodwill gesture
...but I do need you to tell me exactly what
you want.

- Sorry, are you--
- Shhhh! The coffee shop is closed.
- This is MY shop.
- And now, I’M not going to order a drink, and
YOU'RE going to go out of business.
What do you think of that?
We'll be fine mate. We’ve got loads of customers.
You just won't have a coffee.
- Right. Well, I'm going then.
- Fine. It’s a shame. We do nice coffee.
Right, well I'm going to tell all my friends that
you're the WORST coffee shop in the world
...even though I really like you, and I really
like the coffees you make.
- Why don't you just have a coffee then?
- Right. Right okay. Yeah.
Hi, sorry, just on the phone to my manager
and he says I really MUST come back with some
- form of hot drink.
- Right, so what kind?
- You'll have to ask my manager...
- Can I speak to...
- Absolutely out of the question.
Well....Seems like we're at an impasse, then.
- Right I'm leaving.
- Fine..
- Could I have a coffee?
- I thought you were leaving?
Right, I am going actually.
Yep, I’m going. Pretty much going.
Pretty much out the door now.
I’m gone now.
Byeeeee!
You're still here.
- Can I stay for a little bit?
- Yeah, can I get you anything?
No, because I hate you, even though I would
really like one of your delicious coffees.
- You've got serious problems.
- Please...please...All I want is a coffee.
NO I DON'T WANT COFFEE, I WANT TEA.
NO I DON'T WANT A HOT DRINK AT ALL.
- Can I get back to you?
- Well how long do you need?
I don’t know.
Can I have a tea while I wait?
- A tea?
- A tea.
A tea.
A cup of tea.
Thank you.
How much do I owe you?
That’s thirty-nine billion pounds please.
Fuck off.
