- Absolute go wild and crazy for Nigel Ng!
(audience cheers)
- Oh, hello, hello Angel.
- Hi!
- Yes, thank you.
I had a hard time getting here today.
I was supposed to be quarantined.
Do you know how many people I had to bribe
to be here, to escape?
Yes, I have a fever, but
I have a show in London.
I can't miss that show,
I'm a professional, right?
You are all fucked by the way.
This coronavirus has given
me a new super power.
I can go into any train
here and pretend to sneeze.
Instantly get a seat.
White people are scared of me now.
They use their children as a shield.
"Just take my son, I
don't want him anymore!"
You're fucked because nobody
here sells face masks.
I've been to like six different Boots,
they tell me to go to another drug store
and I'm like, you are the
nations leading chemists
and you don't give a shit.
You're fucked.
You should sell face masks now.
Not even because you care about people.
Imagine how much money you can make
selling face masks to other
Chinese people here, right?
You know how much I will pay
for a face mask, right now?
I would suck a dick for a face mask,
because chlamydia, treatable, right?
Coronavirus, not so much.
Yeah, no cases in the UK just yet
but a few cases in Europe, right.
But you left Europe today, so all good.
(laughs)
Well, I'm glad you guys
are on board with that one.
Yeah, thanks.
I posted a clip of me
doing that on Twitter
and they were not on board.
Get a lot of hate tweets from people
who don't even have it,
who live in countries
that don't even have the virus
yet, that are feeling bad.
People with the virus
love the joke, alright.
It's just these Liberals who are,
"Oh, you shouldn't joke
about these things."
While they're living in
their gated communities.
So, just laugh at it and
stop being racist to us.
Chinatown is so empty now, which I love.
People are afraid.
It's like, fuckin' relax.
We're all gonna die anyway.
It's just pneumonia.
Can't wait for white
people to have a disease.
You know what I mean?
We had Ebola, we had coronavirus now,
when is your turn, people?
Yeah, you got anti-vaxxers, so smallpox
will kill you all, so that's fine.
We'll just wait for that to happen.
Happy to be here, that's
all I'll say. (laughs)
Any other Asian people in?
Yeah, yeah!
I didn't know you were
there, but, you know..
Nice, yeah, we met earlier, right?
The quarantine compartment? (laughs)
We snuck over here.
(sighs)
That's how we're gonna take
over the world, by the way.
One cough at a time.
London will be ours soon, yes.
I like how you guys are cheering for that.
