

Letters To God

By

Ozell Hickman Jr.

Acknowledgment

When I look back over my life, I have so much to be grateful for. God has been the one consistent force in my life; even when I didn't realize it. Thank you God for keeping me all these years. I also want to thank God for bringing all the people in my life that have encouraged me when I was ready to give up. Besides my mother, I have to thank my family; mainly my sister, Lois Hickman, for encouraging me, for believing in me, and who was not afraid to stand up to me. Also, my big brother, James "Wood" Haywood, who has been there for me a countless number of times. He has helped me out financially and he has been supportive, when I needed it most. There have been so many people that have been in my life; some were only there long enough to plant that seed for me to ask God for help. There were others that were there to counsel me; others to nurture me, and there were still others, who were there to pick me up when I fell. I know God sent you there for me, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Overview

How do I pray? That question inspired this book. When I asked that question. I received several replies to it. The one that made the most sense to me was, "Just talk to Him". My question to that was, "How do you talk to God"? For me it was easy to put my thoughts down on paper. In my talks with God, I was able to ask him the question, which is most frequently asked by people, "Why Me'? To be honest, the answer was "why not you'. I was told many years ago that God was preparing me for something great, and that He had big plans for me. At the time I didn't understand what was about to happen, but because I did listen, God has blessed me in ways I never could have imagined. This book is my way of acknowledging what God has done for me; it is my way of doing what God has ask ed me to do, but most of all, it is my way of saying thank you Jesus for putting your loving and protecting arms around me.

Letters To God

By Ozell Hickman Jr.

Copyright 2012 Ozell Hickman Jr. Smashwords Edition

Table Of Contents

A Just Man

Are You Listening

Are You Worthy

The Battle Within Me

Be Still

Blessings

Choices

The Enemy Within

Favor

Finding Peace

Good-Bye

Happy Valentine's Day

I Choose To Be Used

I'm Not Angry

I'm Still Here

Let It Go

Letting Go

Lord, I Don't Understand

Lord, I'm Ready

Lord, I've Fallen

Man In The Mirror

Manna From Heaven

Momma's Little Boy

Mother's Day

No More Excuses

Nobody But God

Peace Of Mind

Praying Time

Pride

Shout

Stop Blaming God

Take One Step

Thank You

The Tears I Shed

There Is A Price

This is Only a Test

Tomorrow

Under Construction

Visions or a Day Dream

The Visions or Day Dreams

Wait

Wake Up Call

Wasted Life

Who Cares

Who Stole My Joy

Why Me

You Are

You Don't Know Like I Know

A Just Man

Dear God,

When you think of a just man, you may think of the man who spends his life doing good deeds. The bible says in Proverbs 24:16a "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again. . . . (KVJ) This tells me that a man that tries to do the right thing may fall, but he doesn't have to stay down. God says that he shall rise again. In the past, when I failed at something, I felt that was the end of it. But God tells me in His Word, that there will be times when I will fail, but I can get up and try again.

In the past, while I was in the world, it seemed that I was always falling down, or doing the wrong thing. Most times, I just didn't care about what I did, or who I hurt along the way. But the day did come when I did begin to care and I tried to do the right things in life. But, it seemed as if I constantly failed at what I was trying to do. So, I just laid there in all of my mess. I believed that when I started to follow the Lord, my life would be easier. But, in all honesty, it wasn't. At first, I thought it was something that I was doing wrong, but I found out, that this wasn't necessarily true. Sometimes, we will fail at things because God has another plan for us. Also, the things I didn't care about in the past, I do care about today. and it won't allow me to do those things anymore. My greatest spiritual victory today, is knowing that the devil has lost, what he thought was someone he owned.

There will come a time in all of our lives that we will fall down, but we don't have to just lay there. We can rise up again and again. The bible says, a just man falleth seven times. In my case it has been seven times, seven times, seven times seven. God has allowed me to get up each time that I have fallen. One of the good things about the times that I have fallen, they have made me stronger in the Lord. I've learned to call on Him, learned to depend on Him and most importantly, I have learned to love Him. See, these were things I didn't do before.

It's not wrong to fall or fail at something, but it is wrong to just lie there and not try to get up, or learn from your experience. The Lord teaches us each and every day. Don't let the lessons that He is teaching you go to waste, be that just man and get up and try again.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Are You Listening

Dear God,

Let me tell you about the first time that I "knowingly" heard the Lord speak to me. First, let me say that I always thought that when God spoke it would be like the sound of "thunder" or He would speak in a loud and booming voice. But for me, that's not how it was. It was about three years ago, while I was at work. I became very ill (actually I was dying), my gall bladder was in the process of erupting. I did not know what was happening. I just thought that I ate something that didn't agree with me. I went to the break room to give my stomach a chance to quiet down. Normally, there would be anywhere from 5-20 people in the break room, but not today. Just as I walked through the doors and headed towards the coffee machine "all hell broke loose". The pain that gripped my body was of a paralyzing nature; it knocked me to the floor. I was unable to stand, walk, crawl or even yell out. All I could do was just lie there in a fetal position and wait until someone came in. But no one did. I knew if I passed out that I would not make it through this. So all the while I lay there, I kept saying, I can do this, I can do this. The pain was almost unbearable; I had never felt anything like that in my life. I called out, Lord, I can do this(I was trying to will the pain away), throughout all this pain, I heard a voice saying "We can do this". But I wasn't "listening". I kept on saying, "I can do this, I can do this". The pain steadily increased to the verge of me passing out. I knew if I passed out,, I would die. So again, I said, I can do this, and that voice spoke to me again, it said, "Yes, Ozell We can do this". As it has been quoted before, "in a twinkling of an eye" my life changed. I was in a state of panic, but the voice that I heard was so calm. I was very distraught, but the voice that I heard was confident. Then I knew it was you Lord speaking to me. The voice that I heard was soft, reassuring, peaceful, but most of all it was soothing to my soul. Then with every ounce of strength that I could muster, I yelled out "Yes, Lord, WE can do this". Two things happened almost immediately; the pain didn't go away, but it did stop its steady increase, and someone walked through the door and called 911. That voice that I heard, it wasn't the loud voice I thought I would hear, when the Lord would talk to me. The beauty of this whole episode, was it seemed to be my voice, but it really wasn't. The Lord spoke to me, using my own voice, but it was with a difference that I would know.

I learned several things that day. First, I could of, I should of died that day. But, I wasn't listening. God showed me how merciful He can be. This told me that I have work to do, andGod isn't finished with me yet. So, I have a question to anyone who reads this.

Are you listening when He speaks to you? Whether it is that loud thunderous voice that comes in all His glory, or is it that gentle, soothing voice comes to you in the dead of the night in a dream, it's not how it comes, but the important thing is "WILL YOU OBEY?'.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Are You Worthy

Dear God,

This question can be answered with just one word, NO! Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;". (KJV) Even though we come short of His Glory, God so loved us that He gave us the most precious gift of all. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life". His love for us is what makes us worthy. Jesus came to this earth in a physical form, He lived and died for us, so that we might be able to become Kids of the King. The true essence of the word is, we are not worthy of the Kingdom, but, and that is a big BUT, we are like the story of the prodigal's son. Luke 15:21 "And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son". (KJV) But our Father will forgive all that we do, he said in Luke 15:22, "But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:" (KJV) God does not look on us as being unworthy, He sees us as being His children, and he stands there with his arms open wide to receive us home.

Are you worthy, NO. That is part of the beauty in this. even though, you are not worthy of His love, He blesses you each and every day. Even though, you are not worthy of His compassion, He has mercy on you daily. Even though, you are unworthy of his forgiveness, not only does He forgive, He forgets all that you have done. Even though, you are unworthy of His Kingdom, Jesus tell us in John 14:2, In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you". (KJV)

In all that you have done against the Father, He still loves you, and there is a place in His Kingdom for you. You do not have to stay in a world of sin any longer, Jesus paid the price for your freedom with His blood. So ask yourself this question: AM I WORTHY, your answer should be NO, BUT....

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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The Battle Within Me

Dear God,

I have always taken pride in myself because of my ability to care for myself. But, for years I have always been at war. This battle I have been waging has been within myself. It has been hard waging this battle with myself; you see there seems to be two people living in me. One person tries to live a good life, while the other one doesn't seem to care about himself or anyone else. On one hand, I do all the things that a good and godly man should do, but this other person tries so very hard to do things that he wants to do, without any consequences to himself, his family, or his friends.

When I got saved I thought my life was going to get better, but at times it seemed to have gotten worse. Was it something that I was doing wrong? was I lacking in faith? The more I tried to understand, the more the answers that I sought seemed to evade me. It has taken me a long time to realize what my major problem was, It was me. I was standing in the way of my own victory.

Like I said, I always have been able to take care of myself, and I thought I could save myself, but this battle that I was fighting was much bigger than I was. This was a battle that I couldn't win. But I tried, and I failed each and every time. One of the things that I learned over the years was, there will be times when you can't do it yourself. I had to give up the one thing that I cherished the most; that was control of myself. I had to turn it over to God. For me that was very hard to do. I didn't want to relinquish control of myself to anyone. But who was I fighting?

Was I fighting Satan, evil, or sin? No Lord, I was fighting you!!!!

So, how do you win a battle that can't be won by yourself? Once I thought about it, it was very simple. SURRENDER!!!!! In order to win this battle, I had to surrender my life over to you.

Lord, you have fought and you have won this battle for me. All I had to do was allow you to fight my battles. Still, giving up control of myself hasn't been easy, in fact, it has been one on the hardest battles I have had to fight. I had to learn about your love for me, how you gave up your life so that I could live. You said in "Mark 10:45 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many". (KJV)

Lord, I thank you for all that you have done for me. Not only have you fought this battle that rages inside of me, not only have you saved me from myself, but for all of the things you have done for me that I take for granted, such as waking up this morning, giving me peace of mind, and most of all, for giving me joy.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Be Still

Dear God,

Psalms 23:1-3 1"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake". (KVJ) This wonderful psalm tells me to be still and allow the Lord to restore my soul. Why is it so hard to be still and wait on the Lord? I'm one person, who really doesn't like to wait on anyone. I want what I want and I want it right now. Sound familiar. But the Lord tells me to be still. Be still doesn't always necessarily mean "do nothing". We can't always just put our feet up and say, "I'm waiting on the Lord". Sometimes waiting on the Lord means we are to become like a waiter and serve the Lord, but at the same time be still. Whatever the Lord has for you, you can't make it happen faster by interfering with what He is doing in your life.

But, you can cause your blessing to be held up or not come at all. We as a people, think that we must help the Lord accomplish what He has in store for us. Be still, He doesn't need our help. Some of us think "whoever has the most "toys" when they die wins. Wrong, whoever dies with the most "toys" is just dead. I'm not saying, don't strive or work towards your goals, just don't let your goals interfere with what the Lord has for you to do. The Psalm says "the Lord is my shepherd," so let Him lead you in the way that He wants you to go. So just be still and listen to what the Lord has to say.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Blessing

Dear God,

Every morning when I get up, I say a prayer thanking you for waking me up another morning. But what is a blessing? For the most part, you give me blessings that I don't even know about.

With every breath that I take, with every movement of my body, you bless me. Your blessings are unwarranted; most of the time I don't deserve them and. I don't even thank you for them a lot of the time.. I used to think that blessings were just the good things that you do for me. For instance, the time I got the new job, or the new apartment, a new car, or simply when things were going good for me.

But, I fail to look at the other blessings that you give me. The time I lost my job, I never thought of that as a blessing, but , you did. You gave me a better job. Sometimes, you would take something that I considered to be good for me, but it was not. I realize now, if it's not your will for me to have something, you will withhold it from me, in order to give me something that is in your will. Most people don't understand, that sometimes blessings are not what they may think they are. We all know that when you pray for that new house and get it, that's a blessing.

But do you think that going through hard times can be a blessing. Yes, it can be. It makes you stronger and it makes you sit down and look within yourself. But most of all, it brings you closer to God. But how is it that hard times can be a blessing? Sometimes God needs to get our attention. We start to become slack in our responsibilities. When things are going good for us, we tend to forget about God. We take Him for granted; we stop giving him praise. . That's when our Father will give us a "spanking" or a "blessing". The blessing can be anything from a dream to just remind you of what you need to do, or it can be a major disaster in your life.

How can a disaster turn into a blessing? The first time, I knowingly heard God speak to me, it almost cost me my life. My gall bladder had ruptured, and throughout the whole ordeal, I thought that I could "will" the pain away. As I lay there dying, I could hear a voice saying "We can do this", but all I kept saying was "I can do this". Not until I said, "Yes, Lord we can do this", did the pain stabilize, and I was able to get some help. This taught me something very important. 1. God is real. 2. God loves me. 3. The most important thing of all to me, is the fact that I am important enough for God to speak to me.

Now that we have these blessings, what are we going to do with them? God, doesn't give you blessings to horde or just to keep for yourself, they are to be given away as freely as He gives them to you. In order to receive more blessings, you are to bless others with the same attitude that God has blessed you. I like to call it, "Just because". If you do something for someone and expect something in return, that's not being a blessing. You do it just because; just because you see a need, just because you want to bless someone just like God has blessed you. Just because you can. In order for your cup to run over, you have to pass those blessings on to someone else, so you can be blessed again and again and again. We don't deserve the blessings that we get from God; we can't buy them, we can't just take them, but we can bless others with the blessing that God gives to us. It has been a blessing for me to sit here and write this.

God is good all the time. If you were blessed today, bless someone else, with just a kind word, or meet a need that they may have. If for no other reason, do it "Just Because!!

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Choices

Dear God,

For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. Everyday of our lives we make choices that will affect our lives. Some of them, are very profound, others are so uneventful you may not even notice them.. One of the things I love about my God is, He allows me to make choices each and every day. Some of the choices I have made were good ones, but others were not very good, nor were they in His will.

Most parents that have young children under their care, will try to make the right choices for their children. When that child disobeys their parents, normally, the parents will punish them. When we see our children making the wrong choices we will try and intervene on their behalf. Sometimes, we will have to make the choice for them. Sometimes, we may try and force our choices on them. But, my God will not force Himself on us. He wants what's best for us, and if we allow him, he will guide us in the way that we should go. But He allows us to make the choice ourselves.

We do things today, and later in life and we wonder why things are not going the way that we would like them to go. Every choice that we make, has a reaction on other things that we just do. Even though you may think, the choices you make today, don't have anything to do with what will happen tomorrow, it does. Today I'm paying for choices I made over 20 years ago. Things I did back then are coming back to haunt me today. I have no one to blame but myself. It was the choices I made. The consequences for our actions, are ours alone. All that God wants is for us to come unto Him. Like any good parent does, when we disobey God, he punishes us.. He will lead us in the way that we are supposed to go, but he will not force us to serve

Him. We may think that we have gotten away with doing something in the "dark", but it will always come to light. It may not be today or even tomorrow, but it will come to light. Some of the choices we make, we may not even be aware of them, nor do we intend to hurt someone, but if it's not in God's will, we will have to answer for them. Most of the time the one we really hurt is ourselves.

We make choices every day. Remember, the choices we make today can affect us for the rest of our lives. Make the choice for Jesus, and leave your troubles with Him.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Do I Know You

Dear God,

One of my most painful remembrances is what my mother told me one day. We were having an argument. My mother told me that she didn't know me. That hurt more than anything I could ever imagine. She was the most important person in my life. For her to say that to me, I knew that I was messing up my life. I never considered the effects it had on others. All I could think of was, she was the only person who really loved me. For me, to do all those things to hurt her and others was a little more than I could bear. All my mother wanted to do was help and love me.

I'm told that at the time of judgment, we must stand before God and be judged. What could I say to Him if He looks down on me and says, "Do I Know You"? Of all the things that I've done in the past, is it to late for me to make amends and get into heaven? Has God wiped me from His memory? What do I do now? There is so much that I would like to do- plans that I have made, life that I would love to lead. Is it really too late? I can't even imagine hearing God say to me, I Don't Know You. But He could, if I continue to lead the life I did in the past.

I don't think it's too late; the God I serve is a forgiving God. He has wiped my slate clean. All of my sins have been wiped from His memory. Not only is He a forgiving God, He is a God of many chances. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Proverb 24:16, it says "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. (KJV) That tells me, if I fall, I can get up and start all over again. Today, I'm not that wicked man that broke my mother's heart, but I still fall from time to time. I just don't have to lay in my mess, I can get up and keep pushing.

When I do stand before God, on judgment day, I'm not sure exactly how it will be. But this much I do know, I don't want to hear God ask me "Do I Know You"?. What I would love to hear is, "Welcome Home, your Mother is over there".

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Don't Give Up

Dear God,

We hear all the time that everything happens for a reason, but we never quite understand what the reasons are. To us, it's just hard, painful, and disappointing. The main reason we feel this way is because, we focus on the situation at hand. We fail to focus on the things that can give us hope for tomorrow; joy in sorrow, or comfort when we are sad. God has promised us that he will never leave us nor forsake us. He said that when you're weak, that's when He's strong. God's word has given us a glimpse into why the storms of life may rage and the billows sometime blow. His word says, instead of feeling down and out about the hard times, glory in them because they truly will make you stronger and make you a better person. If you never go through anything, then how can you help someone else or how can your faith increase or be refined.

You see, trials and tribulations give you patience to deal with life's obstacles. The patience you receive gives you experience. Basically, it makes you an expert in dealing with trials and tribulations! So when you go through it again, you will have the hope to know you can deal with what tomorrow will bring. You'll truly understand that weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning. You will truly understand that what doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger. You will understand that there is nothing in life that God brings to you that you cannot handle.. So I say to you today, don't give up. Hold on, because help is on the way. Remember that God did not bring you this far just to leave you. He is an on time God. And trust me, when he shows up He'll show out. Lord, help me to see the beauty in all of life's ups and downs. Help me to realize that if life had always gone the way I wanted it to, I wouldn't be who I am today. Thank you for all of my life's experiences, because now I can say that I am an expert. Help me to remember what you have done for me in the past, so that when I go through it again or someone else goes through it, I can be reminded and I can remind them of all the blessings that I have received. Amen

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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The Enemy Within

Dear God,

There is someone that lives within me! There is a constant battle that I have to fight most days of my life. Who is this person that lives within me, is he a friend or a foe? When I lived in the world, I had an alter ego named "JR". Let me explain who JR is. In a way he was my protector. One might think that could be a good thing. But, that's not so. You see JR is the type of person that didn't care for anyone, not even himself. He did things that pleased him, with no conscience about the outcome. JR is the person that I feared the most, and still do. Not to say that I was a very good person back then, but if I wanted to do something JR would do it for me, and I allowed him to do it. In a way he kept me safe, but he would do things that I normally wouldn't do. You see in JR's mind, he thought he was doing what was best for me, but in reality he was my enemy. Unfortunately, I didn't know it at the time.

When I got saved, I had many battles to fight, but I didn't think that my biggest and hardest battle would be within myself. In the past I couldn't see the wrong that I did. When I tried to put my past life behind me, JR didn't want to leave. That's when I realized that I had an enemy within me, and it was me. How do I fight myself, I didn't know and for a long time I didn't want to. He was my protector, and he also kept me living a life that wasn't in God's will.

I never really got rid of JR, he is still with me, and at times he tries hard to release himself. Whenever I feel threatened or weak, that's when JR tries to come out. He really doesn't intend to hurt anyone, but by any means necessary he will try to get what he wants, or what he thinks I want. I'm not trying to defend JR, he is not a nice person, nor is he someone that I like, but he was part of who I was. At times, I really fear him, but I have learned to respect him too. I also learned, we have to learn who we were, in order to know who we are. Once I learned who JR was, I was able to control him. No, not me but God was able to control him. I would love to take credit for ridding myself of JR, but I can't. That was another battle that God has fought for me and won. But why did He leave JR within me? I believe He did it, in order for me to have a constant reminder of where I've been and where I'm going.

Lord, I thank you for all that you have done for me and the choices you allow me to make. I pray that you keep me in your loving arms.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Favor

Dear God,

We all know what a blessing is. But what is favor? To each of us, it may have a different meaning. I would like to tell you what favor is to me. In order for me to do that, first I have to tell you what blessings are to me. Blessings are unwarranted, undeserving gifts from God. In the 23rd Psalm, David says in the 5th verse that, "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over". (KJV)

When a person's cup runneth over, they don't just allow it to go to waste, they pass on the blessings of the Lord. When the Lord blesses you and you pass that blessing on to someone else, that is Favor. There will be times when you are fully aware that you are blessing someone, and there will be times when you will bless someone without you or even them being aware of the blessing. When you come to the aid of someone, help them in a time of need, give them a gift, "just because", that's what favor is to me. You can also show someone favor, by speaking a kind word, or with a smile; that is, also favor.

Not long ago, I went to interview for a new job. When I sat down with the recruiter, even though I was capable of doing the job, I didn't have the experience that they were looking for. I heard him say under his breath, "I don't know why I'm doing this, but I would like to offer you the job". He may not have known why he offered me the job, but I do. God used him to bless me; that was Favor. God can use anyone to show you favor. You can receive favor from the most unlikely person. When you do something for someone, with the expectation of getting something in return, it is not blessing them. You cannot buy blessings, nor can you bless someone, and then go back to them and rub it in their face. All this is, is trying to buy God's blessings and that will never happen.

Favor is a way to show love to others, as God has loved you. When God blesses you, don't horde His blessings, pass it on. By doing this, your cup can run over. Passing on your blessings opens the door for you to receive more blessings.

Blessing someone can be anything, from the giving of money, to a smile, to helping a total stranger. Allow your cup to run over, show Favor to someone today.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Finding Peace

Dear God,

For as long as I can remember I've been searching for something that I could not find. It seems the more I searched, the more it eluded me. There were times, when it felt as if it was right around the corner. But I couldn't find it. I wasn't looking for all the riches in the world, nor was I trying to make my mark in the world. Sometimes, I would meet someone walking down the street and I would see that he or she had what I seemed to be looking for, and to be honest I would envy them.

Some people may have big dreams for their lives. Don't get me wrong, I'm like most people, I would like the finer things in life, but that wasn't what I had been searching for either. When you think about it, it was so very obvious what I wanted. You see, part of the problem was, I really didn't know what it was. All I know I felt as if I was missing it. I could see it in other people, but I couldn't put a finger on what it was.

For a while I thought I could buy what I was looking for. But that didn't work. I thought that maybe I could find it in the life that I lived, that didn't work either. All I knew was that I wasn't happy with my life. For brief periods of time, I would get a glimpse of what I was searching for, but I still couldn't identify it.

When I first got saved, I began to feel better about myself. I was actually happy for a while;, it was close to what I was searching for, but it was still not there. I was still unable to find what I was searching for. Then someone told me to stop searching for it. My question was, "how do I find it without searching"? Like I said before, I believed it was so simple to find what I was searching for. What the person told me was so simple, hard but simple. "Let Go, Let God", was his answer. I was trying so hard to find something and in order to find it, all I had to do is turn it over to God.

When I was able to let go, God gave me what I wanted more then anything. And that was Peace!! Finding peace has been the most important blessing that I have been given. I never knew that finding peace could bring me so much joy.

Now I find happiness in the simplest things. I believe this is what has kept me going all these years. Having peace is like having a second chance. I can see things through new eyes. For once, I can not only love others, but I can allow others to love me. I wish I could bottle peace, and spread it on everyone I meet. But, because I can't, I encourage everyone to find peace within themselves.

Lord, thank you for the peace that you have given me.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Good-Bye

Dear God,

Over the years I have written many letters to you. But, I find this one of the hardest I have ever had to write. I'm writing this for several reasons. First, this is a letter of apology. Secondly, it's a letter to say good-bye and finally it is a letter of thanks. As I was growing up, I was told that when a loved one died, they would go to heaven and look down upon us. Sometimes, to guide us, to help us, and at other times, to give us strength in our time of need. That's not quite true. The bible tells us that when we die, our body and mind, dies with us. Our spirits aren't conscious of this world. After death, when we open our eyes again, it will be when Jesus comes back to earth for us; His Saints. The dead shall rise first, and for them it will be as if they had just laid down to rest; one minute they close their eyes to go to sleep, then they are with Jesus. For some, this may be a matter of days, months, years and for others it may be centuries.

So what is this all about? Several years ago my mother died, and over the years, in my times of need, I would call upon her for advice or counsel. While she was alive, she was always be there for me. I could go to her with anything that was troubling me, and we would always work something out. When she died, not only did I lose my mother, I also lost my best friend, and my confidant. So it felt natural for me to call on her during those times. I was wrong for doing this, so, so very wrong. Exodus 20:3 says, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me". (KJV)

First, I need to apologize to God for putting someone before Him. During those times, when I would take my problems to my mother, these should have been the times when I called upon God. He has given me more blessings and grace than I deserve. There is a second person that I need to apology to, and that is my sister. Several years ago, I told her that I wanted to go to the cemetery to visit my mother. The first thing she said to me is, "she is not there". I thought that I may have called out the wrong name of the cemetery, then she said something like, "I can't go".

Since that day, we never really spoke about it. She could not have hurt me more, if she had hit me with a sixteen pound sledge hammer. Nor do I think I ever became angrier with anyone, as I was with her that day. See, I know she loved our mother as much as I did, but I couldn't understand why she wouldn't want to go to the cemetery and visit her. She knew why, but I didn't, nor was I ready to accept that the fact, that all there was at the cemetery was some old bones.

They tell me that when we lose someone that we love, there is a process that we should go through in order to grieve. One of the things we must do, is say goodbye and let them go. I never did say my goodbyes, because I thought that I could continue calling on her as I always did, and she would be there for me. Being a parent, she did all that she could do for me; she prayed for me, long before I was able to pray for myself. She taught me, she fed me, and she loved me, even when I didn't love myself. Just before she died she told me everything would be okay with me. I didn't understand that she was saying her goodbye. So to the woman that I loved more then life itself, I want to say my goodbyes to you now. I know that you will be there when I get there in heaven, I know I will see you again.

Finally, I want to say thanks to my God, for being the God that He is; for loving me all these years and understanding me and for allowing me to grow in His Word. I want to say thank you

to my sister for not forcing any issues on me, when I wasn't ready to understand things. Finally, I want to say thank you to a mother that gave her all each and every time. Someone may read this, and say that this was written by a Momma's boy, well you are right. I am a Momma's boy and I'm so very proud of it.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Happy Valentine's Day

Dear God,

Once a year we set a day aside and use it to tell the ones that welove how special they are to us. That person may be your wife, your husband, your girlfriend, or your boyfriend. On this day, we go out of our way to do something very special for them. Most of the time we go out and buy them a very beautiful card, and if they are very special to us, we will go out and buy them a diamond ring, or a bracelet. But what do you do for the one who has been with you everyday of your life? Someone who has loved you even when you were at your worst. God was there even though you have ignored Him. He has shown you His love, by sending His Son to earth to pay for your sins with His blood.

On this special day, called Valentine's Day, to show our love ones that we love them, we may take them out to dinner , we may tell them how lovely they look, or we may even take them dancing, just to show them off. On this special day, we may even go out and buy them a box of candy, which is usually chocolate. It may be in the shape of a heart, that says, "I Love You". When was the last time you said, "I love you Jesus". When was the last time, you set aside a special day just for Him. We should give Him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year, but we don't. If anything, we may give Him a few hours each week when we attend church. Then we forget about Him until we need something or get ourselves in some sort of trouble. That's when we say, "I love you". My God would love for you to tell Him that you love Him just because you woke up this morning, just because you are in good health, or just because. . . .

So this Valentine's Day, when you look at the one you love and whisper I love you into their ear. Do one more thing; you don't even have to say this out loud, close your eyes and lift up your heart, and say HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY LORD!

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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I Choose To Be Used

Dear God

Have you ever listened to a person talking about what went wrong in a relationship? They will make statements like, "All he or she wanted to do was use me", or "he or she used me to get what they wanted, then they tossed me to the curb". People have used one another for as long as time has existed. We may have used people to get what they had, or we used them to get them to give us something that we couldn't get ourselves. Using people is the nature of how things are done. Jesus said in, Matthew 5:44, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" (KJV) All through the bible we read about men and women that "made the choice to be used"; people like Moses, who was very reluctant to do as he was told. He made more excuses then anyone can count, but in the end, he chose to be used. One of my favorites was Jonah. When he was told to go to the city of Nineveh, he chose to go to Tarshish, because the city of Nineveh was what we would call the wild, wild West and Jonah believed he would be killed, if he went there and preached the word. Jonah thought he could run from God by going to Joppa to seek passage to Tarshish. Jonah had chosen not to be used by God. That's why I love my God so much, even when we choose not to be used; God is still using us to fulfill His divine will. When I think that no good can come from what I'm doing, God can make some good come out of it. When the captain of the ship found himself in the midst of the storm, he knew that his god could not save him or his ship; he also knew that the God of Jonah had the power to calm the sea. At that point, Jonah didn't choose to be used, but he was used. This shows us that in the midst of our troubles, we can throw them into the belly of the great fish, where God can use them.

I don't understand what God wants me to do and sometimes I'm still not sure what I am to do. But, I do know this much, I choose to be used. It doesn't really matter what He wants me to do, I choose to be used. We don't really know, what God has in store for us, we just need to be ready. I know one thing for sure, whatever God has for me to do, I know it will be good. For whom God has called he has already qualified to complete their assignment.

So now, we must make a choice; to be used willingly or not be used and live in defeat. I choose to be used, in any manner that He chooses to use me.

Just, as the songwriter wrote. "I want to live so God can use me anytime and anywhere. What are we to do when people use us? Jesus said in Luke 6:28 "Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you". (KJV). Pray for those that may harm or hurt you and God will reward you and cause your enemies to be at peace with you.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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I'm Not Angry

Dear God,

I was a very angry person my whole life. When things didn't go my way, I became angry. If I didn't get the promotion I thought I deserved, I became angry. If I didn't meet the goals I set for myself, I became angry. Sometimes, I believed that anger is the thing that fueled me. Because of my anger, I couldn't see things the way they really were. All I know is, if it wasn't what I wanted, I became angry.

Walking around with a big chip on my shoulder made me a very unhappy person; someone that no one wanted to be around. At one point in my life, I used anger as a driving force for myself.

Being angry wasn't a total waste for me, it helped me achieve some of my goals. But the down side to that was, I didn't care how I did it. If you got in my way, I would go through you, rather then go around you. I know I wasn't a very nice person, but I didn't care about what others thought of me. In fact, I would prefer that you didn't like me. It allowed me to justify my hurting you, if I had to.

Why was I so angry, for years? I don't know. In fact, I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. I just didn't know any other way. Now I do know that anger can be used as a good thing if it's properly channeled. I didn't channel it properly. I only used it to my advantage. My anger was my means to cope with the things I couldn't control, and I had to control everything in my life. Well, at least I thought I did.

Over the years I have learned how to make anger my friend. Like I said, anger can be a good thing. You just have to be able to channel it properly. Today I'm not an angry person. This doesn't mean that I'm a pushover either. My life has always been a life of trouble, coupled with a lot of problems. Today, my life is as complicated as ever it was. But I'm not angry. I've found peace in my life and that has allowed me to channel my anger. I'm not free of anger, but at the same time I'm not consumed by anger. I know that may sound like double talk, but anger doesn't "control" me any longer.

Today, I can look back at things that would make me angry and laugh at them. I never thought, I would be able to do that. The peace that God has given me has helped me channel my anger. It's good to say, "I'm Not Angry and mean it".

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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I'm Still Here

Dear God,

Looking back over my life, I should not be here today. My life has been filled with one predicament after another. It seemed as if I thrived on the chaos that was going on in my life. It's not that I'm a very strong man. In reality, I'm just a man trying to survive this life. Some say that life is what we make it, others may say that life is what is dealt to us. But, I believe life is all about the choices we make, some good and some bad. God gives us the opportunity to make choices for ourselves. In life, the choices we make will determine our outcome.

As I stated before, I should not be here today. Some of the choices that I made should have ended my life a very long time ago. It is only by the grace of God that I'm here to tell this story.

I have believed for a long time that I'm here because of the work that God has for me to do. There have been times when I outright refused to do as I was told. , I have paid a very high price for that. Just when I thought my life had entered into a stage, I believed was where I Wanted it to be, God in His wisdom showed me that was not where I was supposed to be. He allowed me to make a choice that was not in His plan for me. Because of those choices I entered into situations that I should not have entered into. Sometimes, I realize that what I'm doing is not in my best interest, but I may do it anyway. But there are other times, like now when I do what I think is best, I still fall flat on my face. All I can think is what I'm doing or what I'm not doing isn't within His Divine plan. God wants us all to be successful in reaching our life's goals, but only if we stay in His will. Today my life is still in turmoil. But, I'm still here to do His will. It is no longer about what I want to do. I'm not saying that this is easy. Sometimes, it is very difficult. There are times when I'm so confused about what I'm to do, but I'm still here, and I want to do what is expected of me. But what do you expect of me?

Lord, I'm still here to do Your will, but I need some guidance on what it is You would have me to do. I'm asking You to come into my life and help me to do Your will. Lord, I'm still here to do Your bidding, but I require an understanding of what it is that I'm to do. Lord, I'm still here, so help me to hear what You are saying to me. I feel that You are speaking to me and I'm not hearing You. Lord I'm still here. Help me.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Let It Go

Dear God,

Three words, seven letters, but those words can be some of the hardest to comply with.

Let it go, it sounds so simple. In reality it's not hard to obey. Then why don't we do what we are supposed to do? Let me explain how I am; number one, I think I know it all. number two, I don't feel that anyone can do it better then me and number three. I mistakenly think that God needs my help in doing whatever He is doing. The answer to all of the above is, I don't know it all, there are others that can do it better then me, and most importantly, God doesn't need my help. Then why do I insist and keep interfering with what God has to do in my life? Oh, did I mention that I'm very hard headed. As a young man, I was taught that we had to "grab the bull by the horns", to achieve what we wanted. To some extent that is so true, but there is a time we must know when to "let it go".

Not long ago, I was talking to someone that has God's gift of prophecy. I told her about my visions, and explained why I was having such a hard time in understanding what I was supposed to do. I couldn't let go of Me. First, I became angry by what she told me., then I tried to deny what she was saying. She said that I was being very selfish. To be honest, that was the last thing that I expected to hear from her. I was waiting for some words of encouragement, or maybe something that would help me understand explain what I was to do. When she said I was being selfish, it caught me off guard. But, when she explained to me what she was saying, I Was being selfish. I had to let go of Ozell and let God do what He had planned for me. She said that God had given me something to do, that would bless not only me, but many others as well, and by not doing what He had planned for me, I was denying others of the blessings that God had in store for them. I was fighting with God, and we all know, our arms are to short to fight with God. I could let it go, and let God do what He had planned.

Let it go, is very easy to say, but not quite as easy to do. I know when God gives you something to do; He will supply all that you need to get the job done. If you let go of your doubt, if you let go of your fear, if you let go and let God do His thing, the task will be completed. There is nothing that God can't do. There is so much that we can't do, so why is it so hard to let it go. There is a bumper sticker that says; "Let Go, Let God". There was a time I didn't think that God knew what was best for me, so when He told me to do something I had to challenge Him, or do it my way. And He let me, and each time, I fell on my face. He was there to pick me up, and he didn't say, "I told you so". He dusted me off and gently led me in the way that He wanted me to go. Only you know what it is that is holding you back, let it go. Only you know what it is that is causing you to have fear, let it go.

Only you know what it is that is causing you to not receive the blessings that God has in store for you, let it go. Letting it go is so simple, we make it hard. Look up into the heavens and say to God, Lord use me I choose to be used. Then, just let it go.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Letting Go

Dear God,

My whole life, I felt that I had to do it myself. Whatever it was, I felt, I couldn't rely on anyone, but myself. I thought no one knew what I needed, including God. I couldn't trust anyone. I lived a life of no trust, I didn't even trust myself. I was so self-centered, that I felt, the world should revolve around me. But it didn't.

For years, when someone tried to help me, all I could see was what was in it for them. If there wasn't an apparent reason for them trying to help me, my mind made up one, in order for me not to accept their help. In my world, all I could see is what I thought was best for me, and nothing else mattered. I had to be in control of all of my surroundings; of my life, and everyone in it. I know that I was a very selfish person, but it didn't matter. It had to go my way or no way at all. It didn't matter that my life was a mess, with no improvements in sight. It didn't matter that I've hurt everyone that I knew or cared for. Furthermore, it didn't matter that I had burned all the bridges to my family. For years I stayed as far away from them as possible. My biggest problem was, I didn't know how to let go, and I didn't want to.

What was I holding on to? I had built a cocoon around myself and I wouldn't allow anyone in. Not even God. At the time, I didn't think He had my best interests in mind. I was trying to hold on to a life style that I was comfortable with. Even though I knew it wasn't good for me. But that was all I knew. I knew I had to let go of my lifestyle, but I couldn't. To be honest, I was very afraid of what lay ahead of me. Some people say that you can't go back, and in some ways that is correct. One thing I learned over the years is, sometimes you have to go back to the basics. To me, that means when you have tried everything else, you have to go back and start all over again. In doing so, you must let go of the things that held you back in the first place.

Letting go is something that is foreign to me. I had to learn how to trust others and most importantly, I had to learn how to trust God. I know God has done so many wonderful things in my life. But, when all you know is not to trust anyone, even trusting God is questionable. But through God, I have been able to let go of my former lifestyle and I have even been able to mend some of the bridges that I've burned.

God, I thank you for allowing me to let go, and thank you for giving me a chance to live the life you have always had in store for me. Today, I'm surrounded by family and friends that have only my best interests in mind. Knowing this, letting go hasn't been so bad. In fact, letting go has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Lord, I Don't Understand

Dear God,

Lord, there are so many things going on in my life that I don't understand. I knew that when I gave up my old life, I knew it would not be easy. But sometimes I feel so lonely. I know that

I'm not alone, but that inner peace that I once had, seems to have left me. I find myself doing or thinking things that I know are against your will. I know that I am saved, but I don't understand why I must go through all that is going on with me right now. I pray for your guidance, and your blessing. The spiritual journey, I must make has left me wondering what I should do.

But, it's just that, a journey. You said in Matthew 6:25, that you will take care of me, just trust in you, and that is what I will do. I know not where it will lead me. I have so many questions that go unanswered. I wish I had the faith and love that Job had. I know that I am growing in both of these areas. I know that I have a special anointing from you. When I ask what is it you want me to do, I believe it is to take that "LEAP OF FAITH" that I speak of all the time.

Father, protect me, as I go on this journey. I do know what is before me. I ask that you keep your loving arms around me, and don't allow me to fall. This may be the last time I sit before this computer and speak to you in this manner, but you know that I love you. I will pray every moment of every day for your strength and for me to continue to do your will.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Lord, I'm Ready

Dear God,

It's been a long time since I've spoken to you in this manner. I guess, I felt like Jonah when he was told to go to Nineveh, and tried to flee to Tarshish. I too have tried to flee to Tarshish and like Jonah, I am unable to run away. I've known for some time that You have put every person here for a purpose. I am sure that I am like most men, who have asked that age-old question,

"Lord, why I am I here, what is my purpose"? For many years I didn't see any purpose in my life, I saw no meaning. But to be honest, when you spoke to me at first I didn't hear you, then when I heard, I didn't want to do as I was told. Someone told me many years ago, Ozell, you have a story to tell, you need to tell it. At first I had no clue what I was supposed to do, nor how I was to do it. But, eventually I did find out what I was to do and how I was to do it. That's when I fled from what You wanted me to do. I knew I had a message to tell, but I felt no one wanted to hear what I had to say, so I didn't say anything. For years I have known the blessings that I received from You, wasn't just for me, but they were for me to bless others. That isn't what I did. For that I paid the price and I felt Your wrath. Like everything You do, it was for my good. . I learned that I am a "Kings Kid" a kid of the King, and being a kid of the King I have certain responsibilities. As Jesus asked Peter in John 21:17, "He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me"? (KJV) And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep. I too was asked to feed His sheep. But how? What exactly was I to do? All I knew was God said, "to feed His sheep". This time when You spoke, I heard, I listened, and I know what it is you want me to do.

What was it I had to do? Once You revealed it to me, it was so simple, I should have known all along. I thought I did, but that was part of the problem. I knew what it was I was to do. SPREAD YOUR LOVE. Tell others how good You are. Show them in my walk with you, that they too are loved, they can make a difference, and they are Kings Kids too.

You have bestowed upon me many blessing, you have given me many gifts that are to be used for your Glory. I know that there are others that are just like I was, they don't know that they are loved, they believe that their lives are hopeless, and most importantly, they don't know how good You are. With the onset of the New Year, I know that my tomorrow is here. The Kings Kid must spread the word about Your love, and he must show others how Great You are.

With all that I know about You, today I can say that LORD, I'M READY, to do Your will, to Walk With You Daily, to give unto others as You have given unto me. LORD, I'M READY, to tell that story that I refused to tell in the past, to show others what you have done for me.

LORD, I'M READY, to give my life to you fully, to be the best servant that I can be to Your people. LORD, I'M READY, to go to Nineveh, if that is Your will, LORD, I'M READY.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Lord, I've Fallen

Dear God,

Many years ago, on the day when I first got saved, I was sitting in church. I felt that I could conquer the world. A lady whom I had never seen before, came up to me and she said, that the devil was at war for my soul. What should have been the happiest day of my life turned out to be a day of warning. It was a day when I should have paid more attention, but I didn't. At the time, I felt that I couldn't be harmed by anyone . . . how wrong I was.

Despite all of the things that I have done over the years, one thing I tried to remember was that, I am a good man. Although, I did some very dumb things sometimes, I knew that I was a good person. I remember listening to a sermon given by a Minster who had multiple sclerosis. The title of his sermon was, "Bad things happen to good people." As I looked at this man with his deformed body and his funny way of talking, I was reminded again of the fact that God can use anyone to get His message to the people.

Each and every time that I fall, I'm reminded of one of my favorite passages from the Bible which is Proverbs 24:16, "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief". (KJV) In my case, I have fallen seven times, seven times, and seven more times, and I may fall again, but I know now that I can get up. I don't have to stay down. God knows each and every one of our weaknesses. He also knows our strong points. He will guide us, but He will not force us to follow Him. Each time I fall, I learn, because I know that He is teaching me. If I had a choice, I would not have chosen to learn some of the lessons the way I did. But, I didn't have a choice. Some of the lessons that I'm learning, I would not have chosen, but I don't.

One thing keeps coming back to me, I am a good man, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. I also know that just because I have fallen, it doesn't mean that I have to stay down. It said in the book of Proverbs, that I will rise again. That tells me that God knows that I may fall, but that He also provides for the strength for me to continue on. So, if you have fallen, it's alright if you feel shame, hurt, and even anger. But, it's not alright to just lie there and feel sorry for yourself.

If you have fallen seven times, I encourage you to remember Proverbs 24:16. Rise up, let this be your rallying cry; and your reason to try again. I know that I am a just and good man. I just have fallen, but I will get up again.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Man In The Mirror

Dear God,

What do you see when you look in the mirror? I'm not talking about the outward appearance of the person looking back at you. I'm talking about the inner man, the one that God's sees. We all have met someone that is beautiful on the outside, but is so ugly on the inside, it makes them a person that you don't want to be around. Today, I want to talk about that inner man.

I wear a goatee. Many years ago, someone said that I would look "cute" if I wore a goatee. So, for many years I have been wearing that goatee, I don't know if I'm "cute", but it does make me feel better about my outward appearance. Every morning as I'm shaving, I do take a look at the man in the mirror. I actually talk to him. I ask him things like, what are his plans for today, I see how he is doing. I check to see if his relationship with God is on track. We make our plans for the future; some days we take a look at what we did over the last couple of days, just to make sure that we are still on track with our goals. Today, I enjoy the conversation I have with the man in the mirror, but it hasn't always been that way.

As I said I wear a goatee, but for many years I wore a full beard, not that I was trying to be "cute", it was because I really didn't want to see the man in the mirror; the man that was looking back at me. To be very honest, I hated him with a passion I can't really explain why. Well, maybe I can. I just don't want to. I was not pleased at all by what I saw; that man in the mirror was someone I didn't know, or even wanted to know. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would become that man, that man that looked back at me. He was someone that could not be trusted; he had no love for himself or anyone else. He didn't know God, nor did he want to know Him. That man in the mirror was someone that I didn't believe could ever be a child of God. I didn't think that he was, nor did I believe that God could love a man like that. This is one of the reasons why I love my God so much. He wants you just as you are. He doesn't want you to wait till you "get your life together". Just come to Him, and He will mold you into the man or woman He wants you to be.

Many years ago, I joined a group of men called "Life with a Purpose". One of the classes that we went through was called "The Man In The Mirror". That class taught me to look past the outward man that glanced back at me, and to look into the inward man that was there. It didn't happen overnight, but I started to like that man. I enjoyed seeing who he was. I knew that there was a just man in there, trying to come out. I thank God for that group of men; for the support they gave me, and for the chance to know who I was. God is so good, even in my bad times He is good.

I have been blessed so many times in my life, that I can't name them all. But something happened to me a few months ago. If I were to name the top ten blessings, I have I received in my life, this would be in it. As I was walking home from work one day, I had to pass a group of young men selling their "wares". It was an outside market place, where you could find anything you wanted to buy. One young man came running up to me, and started to tell me what he had to sell; another one yelled out to him saying, "Old school don't do that stuff". The first young man went back to selling his "wares" to the next person that was walking down the street, but the second one looked at me and gave me a nod, as if to say, "I'm sorry". I nodded back to him in a gesture that said, "You are welcome". I walked a few steps toward home, but I stopped and looked back at the group of young men, and realized what had just happened. I always wanted that Godly man in me to shine forth, and be the man that the world would see. That was one of the ways, God showed me that He is in me. He allowed a young drug dealer to see God in me, in my walk. For the next few days, I walked around with the biggest grin on my face, because I knew that other people could also see God in me. That old man that I saw in the mirror before, isn't there anymore, he has been replaced by that man that God has put there. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you happy with the person that looks back at you? If not, take the time to know who is looking back at you, learn who he is, and ask God to come in and replace him.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Manna From Heaven

Dear God,

Over the years, you have fed me spiritually, as well as physically. There have been times when I was so very hungry for Your word, and You satisfied my hunger. But, there were times when I needed food to sustain my body. At first, I didn't realize that you sent me the food that I needed. But there was this one time, when you showed me how great and merciful You can be.

At one time in my life, I used to go to this soup kitchen. They had very strict rules about their time of service. But I had it down to a science on how long it would take me to get there in time to be served. On this particular day, I hadn't eaten in about two, maybe three days, and I was very hungry. I started my journey with more then enough time in order to get a meal. But as I walked to the soup kitchen, my arthritis started to act up and I could not walk at my normal pace. It seemed the faster I tried to walk, the more my hip hurt. It got to the point where I couldn't walk any further, but I tried, because I was so hungry.

I got to within two blocks of the soup kitchen when I realized that I wouldn't make it. I was walking through a park and I decided to rest before I started my long walk home. This park is known as a place, where the homeless men and women would hang out. Sometimes different groups would come and feed them there. As I was resting, I noticed that there were a lot of empty bags lying around. This to me was an indication that some group had come earlier that day and they had fed the homeless people there.

After about fifteen or twenty minutes, I felt rested enough to start my journey home. But this one bag was leaning against a tree and it looked to be full. As I walked by it I kicked the bag and there was something in it. I stopped and picked it up. When I looked inside of it, at first I was surprise to see what I founded. Then I remember that just a few minutes earlier I prayed and ask God to send me something to eat. The bag was filled with a couple of sandwiches, juice, fruit, some canned meat, and pastries; enough food for a couple of meals.

As I sat there eating one of the sandwiches, tears began to run down my face, and all I could do was to look up and say "Thank You". I knew right then and there that You answered my prayer.

I wish I could say that I never been hungry since then, but I have. Each time you have provided me with the food or means in which I was able to sustain myself. Father thank You for keeping me in Your loving arms.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Momma's Little Boy

Dear God,

It was many many years ago, when I was a little boy, someone called me a Mommy's boy. Boy, oh boy, when I heard that, the fight was on. Even though I got my butt beat royally, during that time, saying that was the biggest insult you could say to me. When I look back over those years, I didn't know that we were poor. Momma always provided for us. There was a lot of laughter in our house and plenty of good food. There were so many good times, but there was also some sorrow. I wish I could say that I was a good little boy, but I did not even come close. I was a little terror.

Like I said, there was some sorrow in our home. I caused a lot of tears to be shed there. It wasn't that I was trying to hurt anyone, least of all Momma. But I always did what I wanted to do without thinking or caring of how it would affect others.

I know that most people believe that their mother is the best mother in the world. But I think mine really was. She had a heart as big as they come. When all her kids were grown and gone, you could always go to her house and find some man, woman, child or animal there that she was feeding, or providing shelter for. I call what God gave her, "the gift of compassion". Mommy has given me many things, but I believe she passed this gift on to me.

When I was in the midst of my addiction, she told me that she would stay around till I was able to stand on my own. What I understood was, she would stay around to take care of me. You must understand, that was the mind of an addict's thinking. So that told me, that as long as I messed up my life, she would be there to pick up the pieces. And she did! As I struggled with my addiction, she told me that I would be okay. That was on a Tuesday. She passed on that Thursday. What I didn't know, was she was asking me to release her from her promise, which I did, unknowingly.

I have stumbled and I have fallen several times since she passed. But the love she had for me stayed with me over the years. That gift of compassion she passed on to me, God showed me how to use it to serve Him, and how to make her proud. At times, she would introduce me as her little boy, it didn't matter that I was over forty years old at the time.

So, for someone to call me a Mommy's boy, today is the highest praise you can give me. I'm so proud to be known as Mommy's Little Boy. Thank you Lord for giving me that mother that most people only dream of.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Mother's Day

Dear God,

Once each year we set aside one day to honor our mothers. Why just one day? She should be honored every day. I cannot speak about your mother, but I can tell you about mine. She was known by many names; some people called her Big Mamma, others called her Ma Dear, but to me she was Mamma. There is so much that I can say about her, she taught me more then any school could ever teach a child. I wish I could say that I was the ideal child, but I wasn't, I wasn't even close to being ideal. That never stopped her from loving me, or anyone that she met that needed her. Her home was always open to anyone that needed help. On any given day, you could find some new face at her table; it didn't matter if it was man, woman, child or animal. If they were hungry or needed a place to stay, she was always there.

She never asked for anything in return, except for you to return the blessing on to others. I was so blessed to have a mother that I could also call my best friend. She gave me "unconditional love" only a mother could give. I never deserved the love that she gave me. One of the many things that she would tell me was that I was blessed. At the time I couldn't see it, nor did I believe her. It took me over twenty five years to realize what she was saying. She prayed for me long before I was able or even wanted to pray for myself.

I think back on those days when I was out in the world, long before I got saved. I think about all of the hurt that I caused her and everyone else that I came into contact with. She still loved me, but most of all, she forgave me. It has taken me many years, but today I'm able to forgive myself. That too, is one of the things that she taught me. Be able to forgive someone that has hurt you. I'm not going to go into detail about all that I've done, because that's not the purpose for this. Nor is my main purpose to honor my mother. So why am I'm writing this? Just before

Mamma died, we had a brief talk; it lasted maybe a minute or two. We said good-bye to each other, even though at the time, I didn't know that I was saying a final good-bye. That was her last gift to me, the opportunity to say good-bye.

I did say that the main reason for writing this wasn't just to honor my mother, but to pass on what I would think she would say to others now if she were here. We never know when someone that we love or care about will be called home. Some of us, will not get the opportunity to say our good-byes. And some of us will lose a loved one, and for whatever reason, we have not spoken to them or we have not forgiven them. Are you holding on to some form of anger? It may be for something you don't even remember why you're angry. All you know is that you are angry with them. It doesn't matter who started the rift, today is the time for You to step up, and show that person the love that God has shown you. Forgive them for what you feel they have done to you. There is some mother that is angry with her child, or some brother that hasn't spoken to his sister for years for something that happened long ago. Its not important what caused the rift between you; what is important is that you don't let it go on any longer. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone, but today is at hand. Today is the day to make a difference. Today is the day to say your good-byes. Today is the day to love your mother, father, brother, sister and friend with the same love that God loves you. Take a moment to think about who you are angry with, and o pick up the phone, and forgive them.

Don't let another day go by without making amends with those you love. Today is the day

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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No More Excuses

Dear God,

I'm exhausted, I don't feel like it, I'll do it tomorrow, it's raining outside, I'm having a bad hair day, the check is in the mail. What would you do if those were the excuses You used when we called you for help? But those are just a few of the excuses we use daily, when it comes to serving you. I know, I have used those and a few others myself. I always thought that I had "forever" to do what was asked of me. When I didn't know about Your love, I was able to do as I pleased. But as Jesus says in, John 15:22 "If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin". (NIV) I know Your love today, I know what you have done for me. I know that You sent your Son here and He died on the cross for me. I have no more excuses.

When I am called upon to do your bidding, will I be like the guest invited to the wedding? Luke 14:16-20 "Jesus replied, "A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. 17At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, `Come, for everything is now ready. 18"But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, `I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me. 19"Another said, `I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I'm on my way to try them out. Please excuse me. 20"Still another said, 'I just got married, so I can't come". (NIV) I think not! No more excuses.

Or will I be the one who sits back and tries to judge those around me? Paul says in Rom 2:1, "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things". (NIV) This won't do either. No more excuses.

We each have been given an assignment by the Lord. What is your excuse for not doing what He told you? There are NO MORE EXCUSES. . . .

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Nobody But God

Dear God,

On most mornings when I wake up, I give thanks to the Lord for waking me up. That is part of my routine. But, there are days when I really don't want to get out of bed, let alone face what the world has in store for me. Days like today. Today, I sat on the side of my bed and wondered how I would get through the day. That's when I heard this voice say, "Nobody but God." Being the person that I am, I heard, but at the same time, I didn't recognize the voice that spoke to me. Just like on most days, I was running late, so, I ran downstairs to start the coffee pot. I glanced over to the dining room table where I had been going over my bills the night before. I picked up one of the bills on the way to the kitchen and tried to figure out how was I was going to pay it, again I heard that voice speaking those words: "Nobody but God." I turned on the coffee pot and ran back upstairs to take my shower. As I headed back up the stairs, I tried to understand what was going on in my life. There were changes taking place on a daily basis. I asked myself if I could I handle what was going on, and that voice came to me once more. But this time it answered, "Only with the help of Nobody but God."

I hadn't even taken my shower, and that voice had already spoken to me several times, telling me to turn to the Father. I think that we as a people feel that the only way to get something done, is to do it ourselves. But God tells us in Matthew 13:9 that, "He, who has ears, let him hear." There comes a time when we must stop what we are doing and listen to the Lord. We can cause ourselves to lose a blessing by not adhering to His word. Most parents will do anything for their child(ren) . God, the Father, is the same way; anything that we need, He can supply it.

What does He ask in return? Just that we surrender ourselves to him. There are so many mighty men and women of the Bible, but what do they all have in common??? Nobody but God!!! Moses was able to part the Red Sea; that was Nobody but God. The virgin Mary gave birth to a baby; that was Nobody but God. Peter walked on water; that was Nobody but God. Paul raised the dead; that was Nobody but God. Joshua conquered a nation; that was Nobody but God. Daniel walked in the lion's den; that was Nobody but God. All of these men and women had surrendered themselves to Nobody but God.

So, as I headed on up to take my shower, I knew what I had to do. I had to surrender myself to Nobody but God. Through Him all things are possible, without Him I cannot do anything.

Father, give me the courage to surrender myself to You. As I go about my daily tasks, allow me to listen to Nobody but God.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Peace Of Mind

Dear God,

If you look up the word peace, one of the definitions that you will find is, "frame of mind". When I was first got saved, I thought that things in my life would change for the better. Some things did change for the better, but most things didn't. Well, some did change, but not in the way that I expected.

If you ask some people what it would take to make them happy, you would hear things like money, fame or having a loving family. I also wanted those same things, but if I had to pick the most important thing to me, it would be peace of mind. That has been one of the most elusive things for me. There was a time when I felt that it was within my reach, but I could never quite grasp it.

As a Christian, I wanted to do what the Lord was telling me to do, and that was to tell my story. Well, it was a story that I didn't want to tell. For the most part I was ashamed of what I was, and I tried to hide that fact. Then I blamed God for the things that were going wrong in my life. He was never at fault. He did allow some bad things to happen to me, but it was only to get my attention.

Several years ago I wrote, "Are You Listening"? During that time in my life, I came as close as I could get, to having peace of mind. This was mainly because I was not listening to what God was telling me. So why did I stop listening? I really can't say. All I know is that I did stop, and the peace of mind that I was so close to having left, and it became more elusive than ever.

All I ever wanted was peace of mind, but I sought it in all the wrong places, doing all the wrong things. I never considered how my actions would impact my family and friends. I never wanted to hurt anyone, except maybe myself. But I didn't really want to hurt myself. I just wanted the pain to go away. I ask God daily to grant me my peace of mind, and slowly it is returning to me, though, it's never at the pace that I would like it to be. But, in God's time I will have it.

Obedience is the key to receiving what God has for us. Wanting to do what He tells us isn't enough. We must do it. My disobedience has cost me a lot; much more than I ever wanted to give up. My family and friends have suffered as much as I have, if not more. I also ask God to forgive me and allow them to forgive me as well. God, Grant me Peace of Mind.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Praying Time

Dear God,

As I was growing up in church, I used to sit and listen to the deacons and elders pray. To me, most of the prayers that I heard were nothing but a show. Most of them were long and winded prayers that in all honesty, meant nothing. When I wanted to start to pray for myself, I really did not know how to pray, so I asked someone, "How do I pray?" Their reply was to just have a talk with Jesus, just like I was talking to them. To tell the truth that did not sit too well with me either. I know I couldn't pray those prayers that lasted "forever", or the ones that seem to go on about things that made no sense to me. Now don't get me wrong, some people can pray those elaborate prayers, and they truly come from the heart. But that just wasn't me. I tried several forms of prayers over the years, and what I found was, what worked best for me, was what I was told at first. Just have a talk with the Lord.

There is no set time that I use for prayer. I try not to wait until I have some kind of need. to have my talk with the Lord. I enjoy the times when He comes to me in the dead of the night for our "little chats." Sometimes, I can be walking down the street and get the need to speak to Him, and I do. I can imagine the looks I get from people walking by that see me talking to myself. Sometimes, with a smile on my face and at other times, with tears running down my cheeks. Prayer for me is one of the most intimate times I feel with the Lord.

I am told in Matthew 21:22, "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive". (KJV). Prayer for me, is not just for the times that I am in need; it is also for those days I want to just say, "Hello Lord". I have been so blessed to have people pray for me, long before I was able to pray for myself. That is why I feel so honored, to have a God that provides me with the means to talk to Him.

1 Kings 9:3a - "And the LORD said unto him, I have heard thy prayer and thy supplication......." (KJV).

Do you need a reason to pray? No, you do not. I like to think that some of my best prayers are those that come for no reason at all. Just to be close to Him, and to be in His presence. Whatever you want from that Lord, just take it to Him in prayer. Philippians 4:6 "Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God" (KJV).

Through prayer, you can have a one on one relationship with the Father; all you have to do is take it to Him in prayer. However you choose to pray, He will hear you.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Pride

Dear God,

I looked up the word pride, and i found that Webster's gives several meanings for the word: self-respect, self-esteem, arrogance, and conceit. My own arrogance almost led to my destruction. Solomon tells us what you think about pride and being arrogant. . . . "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride and arrogance, and the evil way, and the forward mouth, do I hate". Proverbs 8:13 (KJV).

I allowed my pride to stand between You and I, Lord. During most of my life, my pride would not let me thank you for all that you had done for me. When "bad times" came, my pride would not allow me to ask for Your help. My manly pride told me that I could fix it myself. Oh Lord, how wrong I was. The more I tried to fix it, the worst my life became. Until I was able to let go of my pride and open up my heart to you, I couldn't even begin to live the life you had planned for me. Jesus said in Mark 7:22,23, "Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these things come from within, and defile the man". (KVJ) This was the man I was.

But today Lord, You took away my pride and arrogance and gave me self-respect. You took away my conceit, and gave me self-esteem. You allowed me to be at peace with who I am. With all the blessings that you have bestowed upon me, peace of mind is one of my most cherished blessings. My life is still in some turmoil and is still somewhat of a mess. But, I have faith, and peace of mind to know that it will work out according to Your will and not mine. And that's more then good enough for me.

My pride built a wall between You and I. Thank you for tearing down that wall and allowing Jesus to come into my heart, and make it brand new. Ezekiel 18:31 read in part says, "Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and spirit. . . ." (KJV). I thank You for what You have done for me yesterday, what You are doing for me today, and what You will do for me tomorrow.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Second Chance

Dear God,

Sometimes, while I am working on the computer, I come across a screen that says you have committed an error, hit your back button and try again. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a back button for life. We do! My God gives us a second chance one hundred times over. He allows us to hit our back button daily. Some days we commit errors that we are not even aware of but my God gives us an opportunity to come to Him and confess our sins, He then forgives us and gives us a second chance. These second chances are gifts from God. We didn't earn them, we don't deserve them, and most of the time we're not even worthy of them. He gives them to us because He loves us, Jesus paid the price for every one of us, He shed His blood on the cross, He died, then He rose from the dead over two thousand years ago, so that on this day you and I could be given a second chance.

But what do we do with these second chances that were so generously given to us. The blessings of "second chances" are to be given away, just like they were given to you. Give one to the love one that you have not spoken to in years. Give another chance to that child that broke your heart, because they rebelled against you. Give your boss or co-worker a second chance, even though they are standing in your way(just for the time being) of you getting a promotion. But most importantly, give yourself a second chance. In order to move on in your spiritual life with Christ, you must be able to put the things of the past behind and start anew in Christ. My God is a God of many chances. Use your second chance to give Glory to the King of Kings. Don't past up the chance to bless someone with a gift that was given to you, Give them a Second Chance.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Shout

Dear God,

Last week before I wrote "Blessing", two subjects were revealed to me. Blessing was one, the other was "Shout". At the time, I didn't know exactly what I was going to write about. I had an idea, because the words wouldn't come to me, but it stayed on my heart to write. This past Sunday, I was given a revelation as powerful as they come. As my pastor, began his sermon, I could feel a powerful stirring within me. When he said that the name of his text was "It's Shouting Time", I lost control of myself; the tears just started to flow and I was unable to stop them. Because I knew something very wonderful was about to be revealed to me. You know, when I receive blessings, I love to pass them on. I hope this will be as much of a blessing to you as it was to me.

In order to really understand what I'm speaking about, you may want to read Joshua 6:1-20. But the jest of it is, the children of Israel have crossed the Jordan river and they are about to take the city of Jericho. In his sermon, my pastor revealed why we must go through some things. The children of Israel could have bypassed the city altogether, or they could have crossed the Jordan in a place where Jericho was not in their path, but the Lord wanted them to go through Jericho. Why? The revelation is this: Sometimes in order to get what God has for us we must go through some things. I was the first person to say "Why me Lord", when things didn't go the way that I wanted them to. My pastor revealed that we have walls built around us; some of them are walls of financial problems, some walls are of spouses that aren't doing what they should be doing, others are walls of bad health, there are walls of addiction. Everyone has some type of wall around them. During my struggle with addiction, I kept asking the Lord, Why me? I didn't realize that He couldn't use me the way that I was. I had to go through some things, in order for Him to use me in the manner in which He wanted me to be used.

Why "Shout"?. In order to tear down these walls that we have around us, we must be like the children of Israel. We must show obedience, we must listen to the Lord, and above all we must not have any doubt in what the Lord can do.

The children of Israel walked around Jericho seven times and at the end they gave a mighty shout and the walls came down. We as children of God can do the same thing with the walls that are around us. Give a mighty Shout unto the Lord and watch your walls fall down.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Stop Blaming God

Dear God,

When someone asks about following your dreams, I have heard statements such as, w hen God says I am ready, I will do it, or I am waiting on God. We need to stop blaming God for not following our dreams. We all should have a dream. Sometimes things don't go the way that we think they should go, and we can't figure out why. We think that God doesn't want us to have our dreams, but we are wrong. We just don't want to follow His guidance. God gives us the means and the control to follow our dreams. We need to take action and stop putting the blame on someone else.

We make every excuse there is about why we don't do what we should be doing in order to accomplish our dreams. Many times, when we are asked why things didn't go as we planned, we blame everyone except the one who really needs to be blamed, Ourselves. We ask God to grant us a certain thing, but then we don't do what He asks us to do. We need someone to blame for our failures, but God isn't the one to blame. It is too easy to place the fault on someone else.

What we need to do is to listen to what God is telling us. He gives us instructions on what we are to do. If we follow those instructions, we will not fail. I know that we want God to provide for us, but He already has. All of our daily needs have been taken care of. All that we have to do is obey. We may not get what we want when we want it, but my God is always on time. He gives us the opportunity to dream and to make those dreams a reality. But there are some things that we must do also.

First, we must listen to what He is telling us. Then we must obey His word. Sometimes, what He wants us to do is to wait on Him. We get so full of ourselves, that we think that we don't need anyone or that we don't need to wait for Him. All of the battles that we face have already been won. We just need to see them through. Our dreams are within reach. We have to have faith and believe in the Father. There is a season for everything. Sometimes, it just may not be your season. Don't give up.

Take responsibility for your actions and the choices that you make. This could very well be what is holding up your dreams. And Stop Blaming God.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Take One Step

Dear God,

Someone told me a long time ago that all I needed to do was to take that first step, and you would be there to help me along the way. My question is, why is the first step so hard to make? My life has been in turmoil for a very long time. I know that I want all the pain, the confusion, and the mayhem to stop. But, it doesn't. It seems to go on without ceasing.

That same person told me that everything that I go through will make me stronger. Then why do I feel so weak and helpless? I know that I haven't lived a perfect life, but I try to do the best that I can. But that doesn't seem to be good enough. I fall short of my goals, I can't seem to get motivated, sometimes I just feel like throwing my hands up and shouting "I quit". Is my faith that weak, that I can't believe that you can help me???? I know I've come a long way from where I was, but it seems that I still have so far to go.. It seems that for every step I take forward, I get pushed back three or four. What am I doing wrong?, all I really want is some peace, some understanding of what it is I am supposed to do. Is this your way of making me stronger or is this some punishment for the wrong I have done?

Matthew 10:38, "Those who do not take up their cross and follow in my steps are not fit to be my disciples". (GNB) Father, am I fit to be one of your disciples? I feel that I am not worthy to be called one of your children. I have so many doubts. I don't think that I am able to walk in your footsteps. Your voice has been silent for so long, I'm not sure if you are still aware of me.

But each and every day I stride to do what I know is the right thing, but I feel it's too little, too late. Lord, what am I to do? Father, you know what's so strange about all of this; I know you are there, I know that you love me, I know I am a child of yours, but most of all I know that you have not forsaken me. With me knowing all of this, why do I feel so alone? I feel abandoned. Is the real reason, because I haven't done all that I'm supposed to do. Whatever the reason, today and everyday I will get up and take that first step toward you. I need your strength, your understanding, your guidance, but most of all I need your love. Father, I will take that first step, will you hold my hand in case I fall?

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Thank You

Dear God,

I usually forget to say thank you when something good has happened in my life.

But today Lord, I want to say thank you for what I call the "bad times" in my life. You see, I would not have known how good you are if I didn't have those bad times. Those bad times have help to mold me into the man I am today. I have learned to appreciate the bad times; they taught me to depend on you. During those bad times, you loved me when I didn't love myself. You put people in my life who prayed for me when I was unable to pray for myself. For that I thank you. Lord, during those bad times, you brought comfort and understanding to me. I will admit, at the time I may not have understood it, but I thank you. Lord, I also want to take this time today to say thank you for the bad time, I may have in the future. Because I know that you will see me through anything. You will allow me to learn from any situation.. Those bad times have become my good times. Because, it has taught me that you are a good and loving God. Without those bad times, I would not have known how good you really are. Father, as I close this letter, I just want to say what Paul said in Ephesians 5:20 "Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ". (KJV)

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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The Tears I Shed

Dear God,

When I was growing up, I imagined all the things that I would grow up to be. The life I actually lived was not even in my imagination. If someone would have told me, the things that I would do in my life back then, I would have denied it with my last breath. But life doesn't always go the way that we choose. But this is not so much about the tears that I shed, but the tears I caused others to shed.

My life was in such chaos, that after a while I didn't care about others or myself. I always thought that I was alone and that no one cared. But everything I did, had an effect on other people; the ones that cared about me. One day my mother told me that I wasn't her son; she couldn't have brought a person like me into this world. That was one of the most painful things that I had ever experienced. I am not trying to justify myself, but I had no clue back then, how my actions were affecting others. I lived a life of not caring; not feeling anything for others or myself. If someone could die from a broken heart, I believe my mother did. I can't undo what I've done; all I can do now is pray that I don't cause anymore pain to anyone else.. Since then, I have hurt more friends and family members.

Lord, how do I undo or make up for all the pain that I caused? Can those that I have hurt, forgive me? Psalms 61:1 "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer"! (GNB)

There is one person that I hurt even more then my mother, and that is my sister. I may have caused her to shed even more tears, in her effort to help me. Over the years, she has given me several chances to get my life together, but the trust that she gave me, I misused, horribly. I pray each and everyday that she can find it in her heart to forgive me for all the hurt that I have caused her. To this day, I find it hard to talk or even see her, knowing what I have done to her. With all that I've done, I know that there is very little that I can do to undo the pain, that I caused her. The trust that I had, I will never be able to get it back. Do I even have the right to ask to be forgiven again? I'm not really sure, but I would like to have my family back. Psalms 25:18, "Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins". (KJV)

Lord, please show me the way that I must go, stop me from causing my family and friends to shed tears on my behalf. I wish I had the words to express my sorrow and the pain that I caused everyone.

But, Paul says it best, 2 Corinthians 2:4, "I wrote you with a greatly troubled and distressed heart and with many tears; my purpose was not to make you sad, but to make you realize how much I love you all". (GNB)

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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There Is A Price

Dear God,

There is nothing in this world that is really free. I'm a smoker, okay, I know I shouldn't smoke, but I do. We can deal with the health issue at a later time. Due to the price of a pack of cigarettes, I sometimes buy those that offer, buy one and get one free. Normally a pack may cost about three dollars and fifty cents, but for the free offer, they always charge about four dollars and fifty cents to five dollars a pack. So is it really free? No!! But you pay the difference for the free pack. There is always a price to pay.

What price are you willing to pay for your salvation? Do you think that it should come to you free? Do you think that you deserve it, with no effort on your part? When you really think about these questions, you come up with some very different views. Let me tell you what I think about this.

What price am I willing to pay for my salvation? To be honest, I have to answer it with a before and now. Before I was saved, I really didn't care. I felt that it was owed to me. I didn't ask to come into this world, so why should I pay anyone for what should be mine. I could go on about why I shouldn't have to pay for my salvation. But I will not, because those are the thoughts of a fool. Now, I know there is no price that I can pay. I never could afford to pay the price for my salvation. Psalms 49:7, "We can never redeem ourselves; we cannot pay God the price for our lives", (GNB)

Do I think it should be free to me? We already know how a fool thinks, so I really don't need to answer that. I do know that it isn't free; the blood of Jesus paid for it. He is the only person capable of paying the price for my salvation. Acts 4:12, "Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved". (KJV)

Did I deserve it? No, I didn't!! Jesus paid the price for my salvation. Then He gave it to me freely. All I had to do was ask for it; Believe in His word, and accept Him as my savior. That's the best part about salvation, it is really free. I don't have to pay for it. As I stated before, there was a price paid; one that you and I could never afford to pay.

No matter how hard we try or how much money we have, we can never pay the price that was paid for our salvation. Thank you Lord. To believe, to obey, is that such a high price to pay? What price are you willing to pay?

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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This is Only a Test

Dear God,

We all have seen the announcement on TV that comes on late at night saying, "This is only a test". A strange pattern comes on the screen and an announcer says, "this is only a test". He informs you to either stay tuned for more information or tune to a local radio station. In the event of a real emergency, you will be given instructions that will lead you to safety.

I have been told that all the things that have been going on in my life today are only a test. There have been days when I felt that I was unable to pass this test. But, several things came to light during those times. Several months ago, I heard a sermon, that stated, "the battle that I'm going through now has already been fought and won by my Lord". As in any test, we are given instructions on how to complete the test. In the book of Proverbs 8:33, it states, "Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it". (NIV) But I am like so many people who choose not to be wise. We want to do whatever we want, , regardless of the outcome. Then we wonder why things are going the way that they are. We ignore the instructions we get from the Lord. When we ignore the Lord, there is a price to pay, a high price.

This leads me to the thing that really worries me about this test. What happens if I fail this test? Proverbs gives an answer to that also. Proverbs 13:13 "He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded." (NIV) As I was receiving instructions in dealing with this test, I was told that I must humble myself. If not the Lord would do it for me, and I didn't want Him to humble me. I really thought that I was being humble, with all that was going on in my life. But sometimes, you need to step back, look, listen and be quiet. I thought my life was bad, but I knew it could get much worse.

It's really not hard to pass your test, whatever it may be. Just follow the instructions you have been given. You do not want the Lord to give you a"make-up test". But, regardless of your situation, remember that the battle has already been won. Thank you Lord, for your instructions and for fighting my battles.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Tomorrow

Dear God,

The headlines of newspaper's today read something like this: Plane crash, everyone on board died, 3,000 feared dead in earthquake, Man walks into a plant and kills five co-workers. I wonder, did anyone of those people realize that their tomorrow was today.

I'm reading a book called, "Left Behind"; it is about the people that were left on earth after the Rapture. With all that is going on in the world today, it got me to thinking. What would you do if you knew your tomorrow was today? Would you make amends with a loved one? Would you spend your last day getting your house in order? If today was your last tomorrow, do you know for sure that you would go to be with Christ?

We all think that we have time to do what we want and that we can come to Christ "later". Our tomorrow is today. We don't know when Christ may decide to come, or when He may take us away. I know that you may think that you are not worthy, or that you have some other things you must do first, but the truth of the matter is, you can come just as you are. We have all used excuses, as why we can't turn our lives over to the Father. The one that is used the most and it's wrong is, "I will wait until I get my life together." Or "I'll do it l tomorrow." Well, tomorrow is here. What were those people that I referred to earlier, thinking when they got up in the morning? did they think that one of their co-workers would come to work with a gun and kill them? I don't think so. Did they know that their tomorrow would be today?

Christians don't have to worry about their tomorrow. We have been saved by the blood of Christ. Christ died, that we may live with the Father for all times. He has said in his word that, "in His Father's house there are many mansions. . . ." I know one of them is for me. If my tomorrow were to be today, I know that the work that the Lord has for me to do has been done. I know that I can say, I'm ready for my tomorrow.

If your tomorrow were today, ARE YOU READY?

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Under Construction

Dear God,

One of my favorite pastime is surfing the web. While I am online, I'm able to chat with my family and friends. Sometimes, I just go online to play games, or do research on various subjects. Every once in a while I may go to a site and get this message "Site Under Construction, we are working hard to made it better for you".

That's the way I feel about my life now. I'm "Under Construction". God is making me a better person each and every day. Let me explain exactly what that means. Well, for me it has been a complete makeover. I may look the same on the outside, but the construction is happening within me. God has given me a new outlook on life. Some of the changes I am going through,

I fought hard not to change. Mainly, because I had become comfortable with the way I was. Most times we are afraid of change, no matter how hard or easy it may be. The change may not be what you have in mind for yourself. For the most part we can only see what is in front of us, but we can't see too far down the road. The construction you may go through may not be apparent to you, or you may not see the outcome of it for years, but God has a plan for you.

I remember years ago, when a stranger saw me in my own "mess" and he extended a helping hand to me. Now, I'm able to extend a hand to others that are just like I was. You see, God allowed me to go through the life I've lived not so much as to punish me, but to help others. My mother knew something years ago that I couldn't see for many years later. She told me "God is using you". To be honest, I thought she was crazy. Now I see what she knew so very long ago.

Sometimes, I look back at my life and it is still surprising to me, that I was able to make it to this point. But the thing that I forget from time to time is, I didn't do it, God did it!!! When we turn our lives over to God, God already has planned how He will use you. Your construction process may not be pleasant, but it is what is necessary, in order to do the work God has for you to do.

Yes, I'm "Under Construction", I'm so glad I'm not the person I use to be, but I'm still a long way from being the person I can be. Just give me time and God will make me into the man created in His image.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Visions or a Day Dream

Dear God,

I thought I could just sit down and write what's been on my mind, but for a few times in my life, this has been something that I find very hard to do. But as I promised, I will try to explain and if you can give me some advice on this matter, you know I will love you more then I already do (and that's not the old man in me talking).

First, I need to give you some background on myself, so you will have an idea of what I'm talking about. I spent almost eighteen years in the Marine Corps. I saw more death then I care to ever talk about, and I came close to death more times then I can remember. But, through all of this, I never once considered how blessed I was. They used to call me Mr. Lucky (the stories I can tell you about that). In my letters to God, if you read between the lines, you may be able to understand some of the things that I have been going through. But, if not, I will try to explain, at least some of it. I've been married three times. I have a son who is thirty-two years old. We barely speak to each other. I love him so much, but I hurt him very badly when he was younger and he will not forgive me for it. It's almost to the point, that I'm not sure what I should do. So, I just pray and hope that one day he will understand why I did what I did many years ago. I have not spoken to my daughter , who is twenty-five years old, since she was about nineteen. and I have not seen her since she was six. Today, I don't have any idea where she is; does she need my help, is she alright, does she have any kids. . . nothing. I hired a private investigator once but to no avail. All of that and the fact that I was kicked out of the Marine Corps, was all due to me being on drugs. I was addicted for about twenty five years. I was what was called a "functional addict". I held very good jobs, paid my bills, and all the stuff a "normal" person does. Then one day I just gave up, I stopped caring, I became a person that I had grown to hate. And I made everyone around me, hate me too. I didn't intend to do this, but I did. I remember once as a kid, when I was allowed to take the city bus, cross-town to my cousin's house alone for the first time. I was looking out the bus window and I saw an older man about twenty five years old; I was only about eight or nine at the time, he was standing by a barrel trying to stay warm. He looked like a bum, or a tramp, (I didn't know what an addict was). He looked right into my eyes and all I could do at the time was think, "When I grow up I will never be like him". One day I was looking in the mirror and all I saw was that man looking back at me, and I realized that I had become that man at the barrel. I refused to shave, or do anything to take care of myself. I put what I thought I needed in an overnight bag and I walked away. Hell I ran like the devil himself was after me. And I kept on running for years.

I remember one day my mother telling me that I had a special blessing from God. Can you imagine the look I gave this woman that I loved so much, me in my addiction, going through the worst hell I could ever imagine. She was telling me that I was blessed. But she kept telling me that I had a message to tell. One day out of anger I looked at her, and screamed, "Who in the hell wants to hear about a dope fiend". During that time, I didn't know about the twelve-step program and how telling your story would help you stay clean. Nor did she. But she kept telling me that I had this special blessing and that God was going to use me. Momma was the only person I really loved, she knew my pain, and she loved me, in spite of all the wrong that I did, and the hurt that I caused people. She prayed for me, long before I knew how to pray or would pray for myself. Remember I was Mr. Lucky (no harm could come to me). When she died, they say it was from heart failure, but to this day, I believe it was from a broken heart. Even though I was clean and sober when she died, the damage had already been done; all the worry, all the times she would come and find me just to make sure that I would have something to eat. It was just all the hell I put her through. But you know what, a few days before she died, she called me, and said, "Baby, you know you will be alright, I have to go, just remember you are a special child of God. At the time I really didn't understand what she was telling me, until I received the call two days later that she was called home. She called to remind me of a promise she made to me. Her promise to me was that she wouldn't leave until all of her children were able to stand on their own. She was just calling to say good-bye. Because she knew I didn't need her in that manner anymore, she was free to go. But I miss her so very much.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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The Visions or Day Dreams

Dear God,

I wrote all of that to give you some idea of what's going on with me today, and for you to understand what I'm about to say.

About three months ago I had this vision, in the vision there were these two buildings, one was an old apartment building and the other was an old mansion. I really never thought much about the vision, until one day I was walking down the street and I noticed this old boarded up apartment building. I stopped and looked at it, trying to remember why this building caught my attention. I knew it from my old days in the world when I was using; it was where I could go and get anything that I wanted. After about 30 seconds, I smiled and said, thank you Lord, for delivering me from that life style. I continued on my way, and about two blocks from the building was this old mansion. I really didn't even notice it, but it was like someone slapped me in the face with a brick. I turned around and looked at the building. It was the building, from my vision. At first, that's all it was a vision of two buildings. But the mansion stood out, when I looked at it. I could almost envision how it looked in its glory days. The front of it had ten columns. It was three stories high and had the look of pure elegance. In the days and weeks to come, there was more visions about the two buildings. The apartment building was about four stories high, which covered four square blocks. Once you entered into the main entryway you had to go through a court yard, one that you couldn't see from the street. It had about four hundred units in it. The main front of the building had several different shops, a barbershop, a cleaners, a small grocery store, and a couple of fast food places. When it was first built, it was the place to be. Only the well to do, could afford to live there. But time and bad management, caused it to fall into disarray. I was told, in my vision that the mansion would become the headquarters of a company called PHD (Praise Him Daily) Enterprise. The apartment building would be named PHD House or Praise House. I was to rehab both buildings and turn Praise House into a low-income housing unit.

At first I thought I had lost what little mind I had left, but I kept hearing His voice telling me to get ready, it's about to happen. Needless to say, I was at a loss about what to do. First, we are talking about millions of dollars to buy and rehab these buildings, but I keep hearing this voice say, "Get ready". For the last month, this vision has taken most of my free time. When I'm not there looking over the property, I'm researching different things, so that when the time comes I will be ready.

Here is where the problem lies, part of me believes that this is exactly what it appears to be, a vision from God. But there is also another part of me, that is wondering is this just an old man's dream. Is it a dream to please God, or just to please myself. I believe that every day I wake up, it tells me that the work that God has for me, has not been completed. I will not go home until my work is done. I also believe that because of all of my disobedience to God, I will not see the completion of "Praise Him Daily Enterprise". Am I questioning God? NO. I am questioning myself, I have always been a "dreamer". Is this just a dream of mine? Is God really preparing me to do this? I think I know the answer already, but I also need prayer, wisdom, and understanding to what I've been called to do.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Wait

Dear God,

WAIT, is a four letter word that makes the strongest of men and women cry foul. If you are anything like me, you want what you want, and you want it right now. We fall on our knees in prayer, asking the Lord to give us our heart's desire. When it doesn't come to us fast enough, we take it back and try to do it ourselves. Most of the time we fail at what it is we are trying to do.

All the Lord asks of us sometimes, is to WAIT. Isaiah says in 8:17, "And I will wait upon the Lord. . . ." (KJV) Many times we start out waiting, but we fall short of the mark. Looking back over my life, I see how things were going so good, then like a house made of cards, they start to fall down. Why? We don't WAIT on the Lord. I'm so impatient that I start to think I can do it better and faster then He can. It hasn't worked yet. I found out one of the best things I can do is "nothing". Yes, there is a time for action. But, there is also, a time to sit back and do nothing.

We say all the time "Take it to the Lord in prayer". Then we get impatient. What is it, do we think He doesn't hear us?. We also say, "Let Go, Let God", but we refuse to let it go 100%. We want to hold on to just a little piece of it. Do we think He can't handle it? Does it take something away from our manhood or womanhood to call and truly trust in the Lord? Now we go back to that other word I like to use, FAITH. Paul says in Galatians 5:5, "For we through the spirit WAIT for the hope of righteousness by faith.

During a time when things were not going so good in my life and I didn't want to do what I know I had to do, my sister told me that I had to swallow my pride and do some things anyway. I didn't want to humble myself before the Lord. What I didn't know was, if I didn't He would, and he did. I found out, you really don't want the Lord to humble you. He will put you in a situation where you don't have a choice, but to WAIT. Through it all, the only thing that got tarnished was my pride. I still had to do what I didn't want to do. But, you must understand I said to the Lord, "whatever it is in Your will I will do it." Then I tried to take it back. This is not "lets make a deal". We are fighting for our salvation. In Lamentations 3:26 it says, "It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord". (KJV).

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Wake Up Call

Dear God,

Throughout my entire life, I have been given many wake up calls. For the most part I would just ignore them. The life I lived has cost me so much grief. One of the ways that I was able to cope with it, was to ignore them and pretend they didn't exist. So many times I was given the opportunity to do what was right, but I chose to do what I wanted to do. And what I wanted to do was what pleased me. I didn't want to let go of the life I was living. God has given me so many chances to live the life He has chosen for me, but I ignored Him.

Then God changed his tactics. He stopped sending me messages that I couldn't ignore. One of the first wake up calls I received, was when my mother died. Not only did I love her very much, she was the person that I turned to when things went wrong in my life. And that was almost every day. God wanted me to stand on my own, and stop depending on others to do for me, what only he could do.. One of the ways, that this could happen, was to remove the one person that I depended on the most. When she died, I felt alone, but that didn't really stop me from living the life I wanted to live. It just made it more difficult. So, God had to send me another wake up call.

I know that God wanted me to slow down, but I didn't. Then out of the blue, arthritis set in on both of my hips and both of my knees. Needless to say I did slow down, but I still didn't quit all that I was doing. After a hip replacement, I became more aware of what I was supposed to do. But after all of this, I still didn't fully comply with what God wanted me to do. For some time I wasn't sure of what was expected of me, even when I became aware of what God wanted me to do, I still didn't do it.

The day I found out I had cancer, it became very clear what God wanted me to do. At first I became angry, but only for a minute; then I got scared. The fear lasted a bit longer. At this time, I knew what I was supposed to do, The reason I got scared, was I wasn't sure I had the time to do what God wanted me to do. You see, I always played "Let's Make a Deal" with God. I would say "God if you do this, I will do that" and God always lived up to his part, but I didn't do my part. Now I knew, it was time I did "That". It was not important what "That" was. God knew and so did I. He had given me so many opportunities, now it was time for me to live up to what God had for me to do.

I believe that I'm doing what God has for me to do now. My question to you is, does God have to send you some wake up calls, in order for you to do what He has for you do? Many times, they can just be gentle reminders, telling you what you have to do, at other times, they can be life altering. You make the choice.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Wasted Life

Dear God,

How do you measure someone's life? Do we measure it with the good deeds that they do or have done? Do we measure it by what other people think of us? Or do we measure it by what we think of ourselves? These are just a few of the questions that I have asked myself. I would like to believe that I have lived a good life. But, I know that hasn't always been true. I would like to believe that others thought highly of me, but that also isn't true. So what's left? What did I think of myself, the life I lived. I want to believe that I did all the right things in life. But, that also isn't true. When I look back on my life, I feel, that it was a wasteful life.

All the things I could have done differently, some of the choices I made over the years. Do I regret them, of course I do. For years, I couldn't understand why I did some of the things that I did. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making excuses for them. But, I really didn't understand my actions at the time. Nor did I care to. All I know about those days now, is that my life was being wasted.

But it hasn't all been wasted. God has been able to take those wasted years and turn them into something good. He allowed me to take those experiences and use them to spread His mercy and goodness. I like to think if someone looks at my life, they can come to one of two conclusions; the first is, they don't want to live the life that I lived and they need to start making changes in order to get their life together. The second is, they can see how God has changed my life and believe He can do the same for them. Either way it's a win, win situation.

We judge our lives by today's standards, not by what God has for us. So, what I see as a wasted life isn't what God sees. He can turn anyone's life into a life of meaning and purpose. The choices we make may not be what is best for us at the time, but they can be used for God's glory in His chosen time. When I look back at me life, I see life experiences. I now see what is expected of me.

Lord, I pray that I'm able to fulfill the work that you have for me to do. I know that with your guidance and love, I'm able to do the work that you have for me to do. Keep me strong Lord, this I pray.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

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Who Cares

Dear God,

Is there anyone that cares? I don't need thousands of people, just one person who really cares. Someone, that doesn't have a personal agenda or a trick up his or her sleeve. I look around and there is no one there; I stand alone, it feels, as if I have no one to share my good times or the bad times. I have fought my whole life; I don't want to fight any more. Just allow me to lay down and go home. Would anyone care it I did, I don't think so. Psalms 142:4, "When I look beside me, I see that there is no one to help me, no one to protect me. No one cares for me". (GNB)

Father, do you really care for me? Have I done so much wrong that you have abandoned me? What must I do to get back into your grace? I have so many questions that go unanswered. Am I destined to go through life not knowing what I am to do, or have you already answered the question, and I just haven't heard you? Have I heard you, and I'm still refusing to obey. To be honest, I really don't know. I thought I did, but today I still don't have a clue, as to what it is I am supposed to do. I never knew it would be this hard being a child of God. In the past, I wouldn't have cared about what I did, or who I hurt. I don't have those feelings any longer, and I thank you for that. But does that mean that I must fight this battle alone? I'm not as strong as I pretend to be. I feel like I have no one to turn to for help. Each and every day, it gets harder and harder to make it through the day. I'm in need of your guidance, wisdom, and understanding. Father, show me that you care.

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you". (GNB) I want to believe this, but to be honest,; I'm not sure any more. Father, I will admit that I'm angry, mostly with myself, but I am also angry with you. Deep in my heart, I know that I shouldn't be angry with you, but I am. I have a feeling of abandonment. There was a time when I could feel you beside me, but I haven't felt that way in a long time. Are you really there? Do you care about me? What must I do to walk beside you again? All I want to do is to be able to leave all my worries with you. But, they seem to always be there, when I wake up each morning. I know Father that I am not in a position to ask you to prove yourself to me. But Lord, please show me that you care.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

WWJD

WALK

WITH

JESUS

DAILY

Who Stole My Joy

Dear God,

When things start going wrong in our lives, we tend to want to blame someone for our problems. If things are not going well at home, you want to blame your spouse; your boss is why you haven't gotten that promotion that you feel you deserve, but are they the ones that you really should be blaming for your problems. I too, felt that there was always someone else to blame for all of my problems. But the truth is, there wasn't anyone to blame but myself. Most of the time, when things went wrong in my life, when I look back at it, I find that I was at fault. I never intended to do wrong or make a mess out of my life, but I have this gift of trying to totally mess up my life. I seem to have made all of the wrong choices in life. So, who stole my joy!!! No one, I gave it away.

Let me explain what I'm saying. All of my life, one of the things that I wanted more then anything else, was peace of mind. That is what my joy is. No matter what I did, I could never find my joy. It's not a secret that I lived a very "colorful" life, with all the ups and down that goes with that kind life style. During that time in my life, I thought I was happy; in fact as far as I knew then, I was happy. I remember one day, I was talking with someone, and he said, "Ozell, you know God loves you". I'm not sure why that meant so much to me at the time. All my life, my mother, pastor, sister, wife and other people have always said that to me. But, it took a total stranger for these words to hit home. I knew that God did love me, and I wanted all that He had to offer. My peace of mind finally came to me. I had my joy!!!

So what happened? Being the person that I am, I thought I could do it my way. In a good relationship, they say, the man must do what you did to get her, to keep her. I stopped doing what I was doing to keep my joy, because. I just gave it away. I never stopped believing that God loved me. I just stopped doing what He told me to do. I gave away the most precious thing that I ever had. I never felt as alive as I did while I had my joy. I have never been as happy as I was when I had my joy. Knowing that God loves me and the joy that He gives me was all I really needed. With that I was able to conquer my problems. I had that glow that encompassed my entire body. I want my joy back!!!

God, look down on your child, you know what is needed in my life, take me in your loving arms and protect me as I do what I need to do.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

WWJD

WALK

WITH

JESUS

DAILY

Why Me

Dear God,

I think I asked that question so many times; I can't remember the number of times I said, "Why Me?". My life, has been a life of me making many wrong choices that added to my many problems. Then, when things went wrong, as they always did, I would ask, why me? Many years ago, my mother told me that God was using me. She also said that He was going to send me back to school, I didn't understand what she was telling me at the time; all I knew was, I was tired of school.

But the real question isn't why me, but why not me. I've been told that God does not put more on you then you can handle, nor does He have you do something without giving you the tools to complete it. I always thought that God was punishing me for all the wrong I had done in the past. But, what if it wasn't God punishing me; it was him training me for what He had for me to do in the future.

When I read about the men and women of the Bible, most of them were some of the biggest sinners of all time. But, in spite of this, God was able to use them to do His will. If, He used these men and women to do his will, why not me. I would like to think, that all of the things that I went through can be used to do God's will. But the question is still the same. Why Me? When I think about it, I believe that I'm a good candidate to help spread God's word, and His mercy. I've been through so much and I have been taught so many things. I have seen so many of God's wonders of how forgiving and merciful He can be. He has blessed me with so much; to answer my own question, why not me.

I've been blessed not only with the knowledge of what some people are going through, but God has also given me compassion for them. I know what they face, and, so I am able to help them through their hard times. God is still able to use me, with all of my faults, and with all that I've done in the past. Why me becomes a mute question.

I feel that I'm perfect for the task ahead of me. I don't look at what I've been through as a punishment for what I've done in the past, but as training for what I'm about to do.

Thank you Lord for training me for the way that You want me to go.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

WWJD

WALK

WITH

JESUS

DAILY

You Are

Dear God,

Lord in my walk with you, You have become so many things to me. During my time of legal troubles YOU ARE, my ADVOCATE (I John 2:1). You defended me when I was unable to defend myself. YOU ARE, my ROCK (I Cor 10:4), when I needed someone to lean on. When I could not find my way in life, YOU ARE, THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE (John 14:60. Father, when I was lost, I found that YOU ARE, the GOOD SHEPHERD (John 10:1). Long before I had any clue about where I came from or where I was going, YOU ARE, the ALPHA AND OMEGA (Rev. 22:13). Your WORD (John 1:1), has sustained me, and brought me much comfort. Father, when I needed to be ministered unto, YOU ARE, the SON OF MAN (Matt 20:28). You have been and still are so many things to me, including YOU ARE, the KING OF KINGS (I Tim 6:15), and YOU ARE, the LAMB OF GOD (John 1:29) which taketh away the sin of the world.

Lord, these are just a few of the titles defining, who and what YOU ARE to me. Looking back over my life I have several titles. Some of which I'm not very proud to admit to.. There is one which I hold very dear to me, and I thank you so much for it. I was reading the book of Revelations, and John was describing what the new Jerusalem will look like .I felt so much joy and a feeling of happiness came over me. As I read on (Rev. 21:18-21), John said that there was gold like clear glass, so many precious stones and metals. But, what brought me so much joy and happiness was John was describing my home. Jesus died that I may be saved, He said that He would go and prepare a place for me (John 14:2). The title I hold very dear to me is: I AM A CHILD OF GOD.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

WWJD

WALK

WITH

JESUS

DAILY

You Don't Know Like I Know

Dear God,

One of the things that bothers me more then anything else is, when you are hurting, because things are not going as planned. Someone comes up and says, they understand, when in essence, they don't have a clue, as to what is going on. I know they mean well, but you don't know like I know. Being alive is such a wonderful thing; not just in the physical realm, but, also in the spiritual realm.

You don't know what I know about being alive. I lived a life that I call "colorful". You don't know like I know about the pain I was in. You don't know like I know about the struggles I had. You don't know like I know about the love I lost. And you don't know like I know about the joy I now have.

Throughout my struggles, I have learned what life has taught me. You don't know like I know in order to have joy, you must have pain. You don't know like I know, in order to have love you must have loved. You don't know like I know, in order to have peace, you must have struggled.

How do I know what I know? For years I didn't. But I believe that sometimes you must go through things in order to know what I know. In order to appreciate life, a person has to experience some storms in their life, to appreciate what God has given them. They say you never appreciate what you have until you lose it. That is so true.

This is what I know. I know that God has given me the opportunity of a lifetime. In all of my struggles, He has given me the knowledge to understand why I had to go through what I went through. When you think about that, so many people don't understand why they are in the situation, they are in. For the most part, it may be just a learning experience that they are going through. At this point they have a choice to make. They can sit back and feel sorry for themselves, or they can use their struggle, to make themselves stronger. I chose to allow God to make me stronger.

No, you don't know like I know, but I believe you may have your own version of this story. I may not know like you know, but I think that God can use us all to do His will. Not knowing what each other may know, can be a good thing. That way we can help each other in what we do know. You don't know like I know, but we all know that God is good all the time.

Your Loving Son,

Ozell

WWJD

WALK

WITH

JESUS

DAILY

