Thanks to the internet, we are the generation
who gets to see a full, unmoderated view of
how full of shit everyone is.
Sometimes it beggars belief how insecure,
irrational and just plain misinformed a majority
of the world seems to be.
It’s a big deal.
Most of who ‘you’ are gets created through
the influence of others.
There is no such thing as objective independence.
As soon as you come into contact with another
human, they affect you.
This cannot be prevented.
Your brain is absorbing information at a rate
that you cannot comprehend.
You have no conscious choice about what it
decides to take on board, or what it tries
to ignore.
Your cognitive biases are like subconscious
filters; directing the traffic flow of information
into different parts of the brain for storage,
use or deletion.
You only become aware of information after
your brain has already absorbed it.
With things like Facebook and a proliferation
of ‘news’ media, we are now saturated
in the ideas of others.
Once upon a time you would only be affected
by those in close proximity to you, like your
village elders, family and friends.
These days you are constantly soaking in the
opinions, ideas and manipulation techniques
of millions from all around the world.
The reason I’m focusing on this point initially
is because I want you to take a moment to
think how this affects those close to you.
Your most trusted advisors, friends and influences
are all subject to this mass exposure of globally
viral bullshit.
They cannot help but be influenced by it themselves,
just like you.
And they’re the ones telling you how to
live your life.
When was the last time you went to someone
for advice and they actually said something
like “To be honest, I haven’t done nearly
enough research or experimentation relating
to that topic, so I am unqualified to give
you feedback here”?
It’s pretty rare for someone to come clean
about their ignorance, right?
Yet we are all mostly ignorant.
There are very few things that you can claim
to have expertise over.
In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers he talks
about the 10,000 hour rule, which suggests
that someone needs to be engaged in an activity
for the equivalent of five years’ full time
work before they can consider themselves to
be an ‘expert’.
How many of your advisors can make this claim?
Think about those times when you learned the
hard way that you don’t know shit.
Think about all the times you’ve given advice
in the past that you’ve since learned was
wrong.
Think about all those times a real expert
schooled you on something you considered yourself
to be a master of.
If these things have not happened to you on
a regular basis, then my bet is that you’ve
been wilfully ignoring the truth.
When I wanted to go into business for myself,
who do you think gave me feedback?
Was it trained business advisors, successful
entrepreneurs and CEOs?
No.
It was my mates who’d never owned businesses
before, and therefore had no idea what they
were talking about.
This didn’t stop them telling me exactly
how they think I should go about things.
Even worse, a number of them told me that
it was too hard and that I shouldn’t bother!
When I wanted to learn how to be more socially
confident, who do you think gave me advice?
Was it the people who have been trained in
leadership and authentic social dynamics?
No.
It came from people who couldn’t talk to
a stranger unless they were drunk.
It came from people too socially anxious to
travel alone.
It came from insecure creeps who used manipulation
techniques to control others.
The list goes on and on.
Fat alcoholics gave me advice on nutrition
and exercise.
Miserable pessimists gave me advice on how
to improve my quality of life.
Cowards gave me advice on risk-taking.
Men gave me advice on women, and vice versa.
All of these people have one thing in common:
they were unqualified to give me advice and
yet sounded sure of themselves.
They were not successful in the areas they
gave me advice on, they were inexperienced
in those areas, and in many cases they were
actively failing in those areas without any
sign of progress.
Yet they were the loudest voices.
The same will often be true for you.
Those most likely to give you unhelpful advice
and feedback are often the ones who speak
up first.
While the real experts wait patiently for
you to ask, the ignorant masses will jump
the queue and start rationalising their fucked
up ideas, filling your mind with garbage.
Worst of all, they’re actually trying to
help!
What they don’t realise, or should I say,
refuse to admit to themselves, is that they’re
not really trying to help YOU.
Whatever it is that you have done or suggested
has triggered insecurity in them.
They feel a strong desire to give you advice,
and they rationalise to themselves that this
is for your benefit.
It’s not!
What they are really trying to do is remove
or reduce their own guilt.
When you suggest to a lifetime employee that
you want to start a business, you may remind
them that they see themselves as a wage-slave.
If they feel ashamed of this, they will feel
frustration rather than see you as an inspiration,
as if you are the reason for their sudden
wave of guilt.
This will quickly be followed by a strong
compulsion to make that guilt go away.
And how can they do that?
By confirming that their decision to remain
a wage-slave is the only option.
This way they don’t have to accept responsibility
for their decisions.
The easiest way to release their responsibility
is to successfully convince you of their belief.
If they can achieve this, then they have all
the evidence they need to remove their guilt.
“See, I have to be an employee forever because
now Dan agrees with me that it’s too hard
to start a business”.
Some people will give you advice because they
are attached to an identity that relates to
being an ‘expert’.
Often this is a vague overall thing, where
they cannot accept the fact that they don’t
know shit.
Because their brain has complex ideas about
how everything should be done, they assume
those ideas are also accurate.
They simply cannot conceptualise the possibility
that their brain could have ideas which are
incorrect, because their brain rationalises
these ideas.
I believe this comes from fears we are raised
with, particularly in school, where getting
the answer “wrong” leads to punishment
and public humiliation.
In school, rather than being encouraged to
make mistakes, we are shamed for them.
Some people are unable to face this, so will
never accept being wrong, as they lack the
courage to face shame.
In real life this translates to them becoming
a know-it-all who cannot resist giving an
answer, regardless of lack of experience,
knowledge and research.
Considering most of us went through the same
basic schooling structure with the same ideology
around punishing mistakes, many of us have
this tendency to believe we know the answers.
This is why I say “everyone” is full of
shit.
I’m not being judgmental because I have
this problem too.
I find it really difficult to resist giving
an answer to someone’s question, even though
I know in reality they will often know what’s
best for them better than I ever could.
Others, like parents, are so afraid for your
safety that they will discourage you by default
(which is more about their insecurity than
your safety).
Everything unfamiliar is seen as dangerous
by them, so they assume everything new must
be avoided.
Change is terrifying to these people, so the
mere suggestion of it fills them with dread.
They translate this feeling as “caring for
you”.
So what do we do about all of this?
Let’s review the key points here.
Firstly, very few people will be experts in
the area you are interested in developing.
Secondly, those who give you unsolicited advice
are the least likely to know what they are
talking about.
Thirdly, ignorant people don’t believe they’re
ignorant, so they will sound sure of themselves.
Fourthly, we live in an age where most people
are unconsciously manipulated by mass garbage
(think about how many people believe articles
they read on the internet).
Based on these factors, here are some tips
on how you can manage the influences in your
life:
Only seek guidance and advice from proven
experts, people with vast experience, training
and a measurable track record of success.
Top tip: these people may not see themselves
as experts, and the best of the best almost
always see themselves as a student of their
craft.
Challenge all unsolicited feedback.
When someone tells you how to live your life,
in any way, challenge them to provide scientific
evidence to support their claims.
What scientifically researched studies can
they reference (Business Insider articles
don’t count)?
How have they achieved 10,000 hours of experience
in this matter?
Get a range of feedback.
Rather than letting one ignoramus dictate
how you should live, compare the advice of
at least five unrelated reliable sources.
Find common threads and note disparities.
Stop believing everything that is written
down.
Most people writing “articles” do zero
research and are just trying to increase traffic
to a website.
They have no qualms in presenting opinion
as solid fact.
Look for valid scientific references, peer
reviews, or experienced sources.
Challenge people who give you feedback; get
them to explain their motives.
Why are they trying to help you?
Is it really about you?
If so, why aren’t they asking you what you
want?
Last point I want to make, is that right now
I am telling you how to live.
So if you read this article thinking “good
points Dan, this is SO true, and my, how handsome
you are!” then you are simply believing
something you read on the internet.
I challenge you to TEST what I am saying.
Don’t just believe me because I seem sure
of myself.
I know I’ve tested these ideas extensively,
but you don’t know that.
Go find out for yourself.
