

Copyright © 2012 Patria L. Dunn (Patria Dunn-Rowe)

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved
Smitten

(Part I: Zerrin )

By

Patria L. Dunn
Apologies

Why did they have to die during the winter? The days were depressing enough, pale gray, low lying clouds cushioning the dreary looking sky from sun up to sun down. I pulled my thin jacket around me as I walked quickly into the steady growing wind, my eyes following the rustling brown leaves as they danced across the sidewalk ahead of me. It almost made me smile to imagine that it was their way of welcoming me for a visit with them; but remembrance of where I was headed never ceased, and I instead bit my chapped lower lip until the warmth of my own blood seeped onto my tongue, eventually trickling down my painfully dry throat.

My eyes shifted briefly as a peal of laughter caught in the wind, the opposite side of the street vacant of any occupants. Just on the other side, one street away was a bustling town, store signs and streets lights illuminating the way into the town's center. I'd grown up here, and I knew if I crossed the street and made a left, I would pass the old dance studio where I'd taken lessons since I was five years old. Beyond that, a few more turns and I would be headed in the direction of my old high school. I pictured myself, as I had been a few years before, anxious to meet my friends under the massive oak that marked the beginning of 'Eagle' territory. I'd been a cheerleader then, and on a night like this, I would have been warmly dressed in my junior varsity cheerleading jacket and warm-ups, preparing to go to the football game with my friends; the same friends that had apologized until they were blue in the face over my parents' deaths. There was nothing any of them could do to console me, and I suppose they were almost relieved when I moved. My teeth chattered in protest as I inhaled sharply, the memory of that day shooting, what felt like, tiny shards of glass through my heart.

After the funeral, I'd taken to my room, and remained there for a full week, refusing to come out for anyone. I didn't know the woman that took up residence in my parent's guest room, and I certainly didn't acknowledge her during her time there. She'd explained to me that I'd become a ward of the state, and that I would not be allowed to remain in my home. I hadn't understood entirely what she was saying until another woman had shown up to take me away, most of my belongings left behind, as my new family –The Pernickle's- didn't have the room to store it all, or so they claimed. I'd been angry then, but I was even angrier now...

If my parents were still alive, I wouldn't be shivering from the cold that pierced the worn fabric of the second hand clothing hanging around my thin frame. I resented the fact that I hadn't been in the car with them that night. The debate over Jessica's slumber party seemed so trivial an argument to win looking back on it now. The disappointment etched in my mother's regretful expression when she'd given me permission to go had brought a sense of triumph to my thirteen-year-old mind, then. The party was all that had been talked about for the last few weeks at school, and only a select few –the elite as they were referred to- had been asked to attend, including me. It would have been social suicide had I not gone, and at the time it dramatically took precedence over family night at the movies. I'd just become an official teenager a month earlier, yet I'd cried, begged and pleaded until they'd finally given in. I wasn't a child anymore, and my mother's worries, that Jessica's parents weren't the proper definition of what they deemed responsible, had seemed ridiculous. They wanted to hold on to the little girl I no longer was, and at the time, I was itching for that teenage freedom I'd heard so much about from all the other girls at school. How I wished now that I hadn't been so childish about the matter. My mother had been right, of course. I'd found myself locked in a basement closet on the first spin of the game, seven seconds in heaven, Jessica's parents nowhere to be found. Some how the fact that it was a co-ed sleepover hadn't been mentioned to me or my parents, and the humiliation of having my prepubescent chest squeezed, just as the door was flung open, was reputation shattering in that moment. But the phone call that came from the hospital several hours later was earth shattering.

It had now been five years to the day, and my mood still changed with the season, cold and uninviting. I suppose most people viewed my demeanor as always being this way, and I let them think it. No one really knew me here, and that's the way I wanted it. This would never be my home, and with graduation and my eighteenth birthday fast approaching, I couldn't wait to get out of the Pernickle's house for good. I was sure to be in trouble for taking the city bus across the river from Waterville to Winslow, but I'd never missed visiting my parent's graves on the anniversary of their death, and I wasn't going to this year. I could already hear the cast iron gates of the town cemetery creaking in protest against the chilly wind that suddenly gusted overhead with an intensified fury. Winter had barely set in, and yet we'd already received two significant snowstorms in the last month. One look at the clouds told me that I should head back before the one they'd been calling for all week finally hit; but I trudged on, making the turn that led to the cemetery entrance. I didn't bother to look around for a security guard as I pulled the chained gate far enough that it allowed a big enough crack, between the doors, for me to slip through.

Since the new cemetery had been added a few years back, this old one had been gradually neglected, and finally forgotten. I thought myself to be the only one that actually came to visit anyone laid to rest here, as I'd never seen another living soul anywhere near the place. The crinkled brown leaves that had danced about in the wind on the side walk were too thick to do much of anything but lay where they had fallen for years, piled almost as high as some of the tombstones. I tried lifting my knees as I waded through the remnants of fall, my eyes staid on the direction I was heading. I'd been here so many times that I no longer needed to search for the section my parents were in. Sadness settled as my legs slowed, my now damp tennis shoes feeling like lead weights as I approached the only clear patch of ground ahead of me.

It had been a month since I'd last come here, and I was pleased to see that their graves were almost as tidy as I'd left it the last time. There were only a few leaves covering the dead grass, and I knelt slowly, brushing them aside, until my hand touched one of the two marble plaques that seemed to be embedded in the hard ground. There had been no family around to help pay for the small funeral that was held for my parents; so the state of Maine had issued out the standard, plain markers that were reserved for graves such as the one's belonging to my parents.

"November 5th, George and Caroline Cassidy," I read out loud, my soft voice lost in the howling wind as I crossed my legs, sitting Indian style on the frozen ground, facing the markers.

"Hi mom. Hi dad," I whispered, my fingers tracing the etchings in the cool marble as the first tears fell.

"Alana, you shouldn't be out here in the cold sweat pea," I imagined my dad saying back to me, his lips curling into a cunning smile as he reached to pinch one of my cheeks.

"I miss you... I miss you both so, so much..." I sniffled now, my nose partly running from the cold, and partly from the tears that continued to stream down my face, warming my frozen cheeks. "I know it's been a while since I came to see you, but the Pernickles... they just don't understand... I can't talk to them like I would talk to you. All they care about is themselves. The last time I came..." I let my voice trail off, the words continuing in my head.

The last time I'd come to visit my parents' graves, getting home almost after dinner, I'd been whipped with a leather belt across my back for what seemed like an eternity. But, I didn't know if I wanted to tell my parents that. They probably already felt guilty enough for leaving me here all by myself.

"It wasn't good..." I whispered instead, licking away the salty tear that had settled in the dip of my upper lip.

"Oh honey..." I could almost hear my mother saying, her fingers brushing my face, like they always did when she was concerned about me.

"I don't know if I can do this much longer mom," I cried now, my voice catching and breaking long before the words ceased. "I'm so lonely. I'm miserable there. School is..." I paused, thinking back on the constant snickers and stares I got behind my back, everyone either pointing or whispering about my ragged clothes, or destitute appearance in general. Foster care had brought me nothing but anguish. The Pernickles, the family I'd been placed with after my parent's died, cared nothing for the five children they had in their care. The money we received each month for clothing and other needs was pocketed along with the money they received for allowing us to stay in their home. I'd resorted to stealing feminine items from other girls' bags and lockers during gym at school, just to insure that an unsightly blotch didn't further embarrass me during my time of the month.

"I have no friends," I finally sighed, my eyes closing as I lowered my head almost to my lap, my palms now pressed on each plaque. "I want to get out of here, but where will I go? College is out... I could get a job, but where will I live until I have enough money to pay rent? My old friends are all over on the east side here in Winslow, and even if they were willing to help, they won't be around either after graduation. Waterville is so...so..." I stopped short as I bit back the derogatory words that had formed in my head, ashamed to speak them out loud in my parents' presence.

Waterville, Maine was nothing but the backwoods of a place I used to love. On the east side where I'd grown up, I'd had money to shop whenever I wanted. I kept up with the latest fashions and trends. I ate lunch at school whenever I wanted, and there was no begging for dinner because my stomach had been empty for days on end. Most importantly, on the east side, I'd had parents who loved me; friends that cared to call me, or visit me. Here on the west side of the river, there was no one. There were no ballet classes to go to, or summer camp to look forward to. I now considered myself lucky to have my own cot; my own room would have been too much to wish for. Here I was not Alana Cassidy... Here, I was just empty.

"Tell me what to do," I pleaded, my words almost silent as I finally opened my eyes, my palms uncovering the names of my parents just as a single green leaf landed on my frozen fingers.

"Is this supposed to be a sign," I sniffled hopefully, my eyes lifting to the naked trees, their branches bare of anything but dead stems that had refused to fall.

"Tell me!" I screamed, crushing the pretty green leaf in my palm as I jumped to a stand. "Tell me what I did to deserve this! Tell me why you took my parents away from me!" My voice came ragged and harsh as I shook my fist at the only one I thought for sure could possibly hear me. "Why did you do this to me!?" I cried now, sobbing as I sank back to the cold ground, my form bent, so that my forehead touched the brittle grass.

If I died here, no one would be any wiser. Sure, the Pernickle's would miss the monthly check they received for me from the state, but I highly doubted that they would even report me missing. That's how little they cared. I wanted it all to be over with. The fading scars on each of my wrists proved that, but I didn't have the guts to try and go that way again. I would have been happy to have stayed in the psych ward, locked away from the world; but apparently my acting hadn't been good enough to keep me longer than the six weeks of recovery I was allowed. I wondered now, how long it would take a person to freeze to death...? The temperature had sat at well below freezing for the last few days, so I was sure that if I laid here long enough...

The thought trickled and faded, my body subconsciously following the idea as I fell gently to my side, my legs curling upwards so that my arms wrapped firmly around them, my knees now touching my skin. My cheek happened to be pressed against my mother's plaque, so I moved my head just a little, so that my exposed ear cupped the cold marble, listening for what I knew wouldn't come. The cold wasn't so bad now, I'd almost stopped shivering, and though I could no longer feel my fingers or toes, I was actually glad that I didn't have to endure physical pain added in with the emotional pain that never ceased. I breathed slowly counting the seconds between each gust of wind as I waited for the inevitable.

"Let it be quick. I want to see your faces again," I whispered softly, my chilled lips barely moving as my words trickled out. "Take me away.... Take me away... Take me away..." I chanted the words slowly, a whispered song coming forth as I allowed my eyes to close against the swaying tree branches.

I couldn't go back there. Though I would never admit it, a soft spot had grown in my heart for Roman, my sixteen-year-old foster brother. He'd lost his parents too, only they weren't dead. His father had left when he was ten, and his mother had fallen back into her old habits of using illegal drugs shortly thereafter. I only knew this because it had been thrown in his face on several occasions when Martin Pernickle had tried to punish him for something.

Like me, Roman never really spoke to anyone, but I saw the pain in his eyes, and I sometimes heard the soft sniffles coming from his room in the middle of the night. We had an understanding, him and I; and I only hoped he would forgive me for leaving him there alone. The look in his eyes when I'd finally returned after the suicide attempt had said it all. We had a bond, albeit an unspoken one, but we understood each other. He would fight for me if I needed him too, I was sure of it. Just as I was sure that he would hate me for not saying goodbye.

"I love you..." I exhaled softly, my lungs now burning from the cold that seemed to stick to my insides.

It shouldn't be long now...

"We love you too..."

My head jerked as I heard the faint words, my eyes opening to the almost dark sky.

"Mom...?" I whispered, my ears now straining for what I was sure was her voice I'd just heard.

"Go back Alana,"

"Dad!" I shrieked, pushing myself awkwardly to a stand with stiff limbs.

The howling wind was the only one that answered me, its call low and moaning as I let my eyes scan the distance of the fenced in cemetery. Either I was going crazy, or I'd just heard my parents speak to me for the first time since their death.

"I love you too mom and dad," I whispered, fresh hot tears soaking the sleeve of the thin gray jacket I wore as I wiped them away quickly.

They wanted me to go back, I was sure of it. Rebellion set in almost immediately as I thought ahead to what I had waiting for me back at the Pernickle's house. My body had made a small indentation in the ground where I'd lain, and it would be so easy to settle there again and wait the storm out.

"No Alana," I heard the voice clearly this time, and I didn't brush away the tears that came as I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sky.

The first snowflake of the approaching storm touched my cheek just then, and I smiled back at them, my heart lightening, just a little as I felt a warmth seep through me.

"I'll be back soon," I promised, ducking my head into the slowly falling flurries as I made my way out of the darkened cemetery.

It was too late for apologies, but I said the words any way, knowing that they would understand what I meant. I'd hurt them by not going with them that day, and because of that, we'd never gotten a chance to have another family night. They were gone forever, and I was still here.

"I'm sorry..."
Home, Not So Sweet Home

While I'd never been happy to see the Pernickle's home come into view before, I would have laughed now, with joy, had I been able to move my lips. My plan had been to ride the city bus back over the river from Winslow to Waterville, and then catch a cab the rest of the way, but snow covered roads had quickly suspended all public transportation, and I'd been forced to walk all of the five miles leading from the last city bus stop, out towards the Pernickle's farm. I hadn't the strength to lift my arm to check the time, but the last time I'd looked it was after seven. I braced myself as I opened the front door, preparing mentally for the beating that was sure to come.

"I'm home," I called softly, peeking into the living room, almost afraid of who I would find looking back at me.

A sigh of relief caught in my throat as my eyes landed on the empty loveseat and sofa. The room looked as it always did, clothes piled high on every piece of furniture, including the worn coffee table, old baby bottles turned over in the floor, the left over milk inside slowly congealing into a solid mass. Unopened book bags lay in front of the television that had been left on, and I shook my head in disgust as I made my way down the hall, towards the kitchen. If I wasn't around to help the twins with their homework, it just didn't get done. The Pernickle's couldn't be bothered with actually raising and nurturing the kids the state placed with them, their only motivation for even letting us live here were the monthly checks they received for our care.

"Lana!" Shelly's squeaky voice greeted me first, her eyes going immediately to Martin Pernickle's fat face, as he cleared his throat in warning at her outburst.

I knew I was blacklisted for coming in the house so late, and that meant no one was to acknowledge me, not even the younger kids. I refused to meet his gaze, and instead sneaked a peek at Roman, who's head was down, his fork playing in a brownish yellow pile of mush that seemed stuck to the middle of his plate. The baby, Ranger, was wailing as usual, a smattering of green and orange baby food decorating the top of his broken high chair, and the floor around it. I wanted to tell Jo Pernickle that the baby didn't like peas or carrots, and would only eat them if she stirred it in with something else, but I held my tongue as she shoved his highchair roughly, causing it to skid away from the table.

"You're late!" She snapped, her lips curling in annoyance as she looked from me to her husband.

The way her head was angled made her look even more like an angry beaver, slightly bucked teeth, one yellow, one brown clicking together as she continued.

"Ya gonna do sumthin bout that?" She asked him, an almost evil look in her eye as she nodded towards me, her thin cheeks now suction inward so that her face looked skeletal. "And you're dripping all over my floor," She commented, cutting a look at Shelly, who'd dared snicker out loud while I was being scolded.

I hadn't noticed that I'd literally begun to melt right there in the kitchen doorway. Snow that had been caked in my hair, and on my clothes moments before, was now dripping to form a puddle at my feet.

"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up," I mumbled, self consciously folding my arms over my growling stomach as I chanced a glance at the plate of mush that sat untouched across from Roman.

"It won't do any good now, you done probably tracked it all over the house! What were you thinking coming in like that, and this late too? Have you lost your mind?!" Jo Pernickle shrieked, slamming her fork down as she looked to her husband to back her up.

"Everything we do for you all, and this is the thanks we get! Always disobeying the rules, always pissing me off! You ungrateful little snot! Don't you have something better to say than that!?"

"Her parents died today..."

Roman's voice was so soft that I barely even heard it, and I flinched for him as Jo jumped from her chair, her hand already rising to smack him across the face for answering the question that was directed at me.

"Enough!" Martin Pernickle declared, his eyes cutting at Roman and then to me.

I didn't dare move as his gaze swept my body from head to toe, a look of disdain on his face as he took in the sopping wet shoes I now shifted nervously in. His bulging belly yawned a deep gurgling sound, undoubtedly angry that I'd interrupted its meal. Shelly hid a snicker beneath her hand, Martin's eyes switching from me to her.

"Go to your room and change, your dinner's gettin' cold," he finally said, his knife scraping against the plate as he began to cut another piece of his t-bone steak.

"Yes sir," I mumbled, shock shifting through me as I turned immediately down the hallway off the kitchen, almost running to the tiny room I shared with Shelly and the baby.

There was no way I'd gotten off that easy, and I wasn't sure why Roman had come to my defense. He knew that I'd broken the rules and would be punished accordingly. He'd only put himself in jeopardy by speaking up, and there was no point in both of us getting into trouble. We were to come home on the bus immediately after school, no matter what. Every few months I broke that rule to go visit my parent's grave, and each time I did, the beating was worse than the last.

"I know you're in here," I whispered softly as my bedroom door clicked shut behind me. I'd heard the sniffles coming from the corner before I'd even stepped in the room good, and there was only one person missing from the dinner table.

"Thomas...?" I called the little boy's name, my back turning from where he was hiding in my laundry basket.

I knew he wouldn't answer me, but I continued talking anyway, knowing that he would listen to what I had to say.

"I saw your backpack in front of the television, so I'm guessing you didn't do your homework... Remember what we talked about Thomas? I'm not going to always be here, and you and Shelly have to start doing things like that on your own. What is your teacher going to say when you go back tomorrow with none of your homework done?" I asked, moving in the dark around the sagging cot that had been my bed since coming to live here.

I hadn't turned on the light in my room, but there wasn't much light needed to find the only other pair of jeans I owned. My fingers trembled as I peeled off the wet clothes that still clung to my body, my hands brushing furiously over chilled skin that now burned in pain. It was always cold in this room, but there was no need to brace myself against the shock of the cold floor once my feet were bare. They were completely numb, and I worried now that the ability to wiggle my toes would never return. My parents would have probably rushed me to a doctor, terrified that I'd gotten frostbite. But they weren't here, and the Pernickle's would only laugh if I even brought it up. They would only say I should have come home on time, and had brought it on myself.

There was nothing I could do about it but put on the heaviest socks I owned, and since I didn't own any really thick ones, I put on all three pairs of socks I'd stored in the cardboard box under my bed. The jeans I'd pulled on, plus the two sweaters I saved for especially cold days, and I could finally feel my body warming up a little. The movement was helping too, and next on my agenda was my wet hair. I finger combed it as best I could, using the end of my thin sheet to dry the excess moisture from its tips. I hadn't had a proper haircut since before my parent's death, and in the last five years, my hair had grown from a sophisticated bob, to a wild mass of sandy brown locks that hit somewhere around the middle of my back.

It was impossible to do anything with it, and so I braided it to the side, most of the uneven layers falling free before I'd reached the tip. I could hear Thomas shifting in the basket behind me, and I turned towards him now, my arms held out for him to come to me. At six years old, he was the least defiant of the twins, his sister Shelly almost always being the one to get in trouble for something she'd done. I heard, rather than saw him move out of the laundry basket and cross the tiny room, his breath sucking in sharply as I picked him up and cradled him against my chest.

He looked so much like his sister with his hair pushed out of his face, a little length and a head band, he would have surely been mistaken for her. An upturned pixie shaped nose ran a trail of snot past his upper lips, his sniffles sucking it back in ever so often.

"Why are you crying?" I whispered into the little boy's ear, his tears wetting my neck as he wrapped his thin arms around me. "Thomas...?" I questioned again, lowering myself to the cot so that he could sit on my lap.

His breath sucked in again, this time a low moan escaping his throat, when my hand pressed against his back to keep him from falling from my grasp. I knew immediately that he was hurt, and I leaned, holding him tightly until my fingers caught the switch of the lamp that sat on the floor next to the cot. The room was suddenly flooded in the warm yellow light, and I shifted upright, my eyes now on the top of his head.

"Thomas... Are you hurt?" I questioned, my fingers probing his back gently, as I lifted his chin so that he was looking up at me.

There was fear is his dark brown eyes, fat teardrops steady filling the lower lids and spilling as he shook his head no, once.

"We don't lie to each other Thomas...remember?" I prompted, lowering my voice even further. "If they did something to you, I need to know..." I paused as his face changed, his eyes widening suddenly as he began pushing my hands away from him. "I won't tell!" I rushed on, holding him on my lap now, squeezing him more tightly than I wanted to.

He finally stopped moving, and for a moment silence hung between us, as I let him decide whether or not to tell me what had happened.

"She beat me," he finally mumbled, his head falling against my chest with a thump, the weight of it knocking a whoosh of air from my lungs.

I figured that much, but I let him continue talking as I slowly pulled the back of his shirt up so that it was around his neck.

"We went to get the eggs, like always. I wasn't running, I swear Lana," Thomas sniffled, his head shaking now as he glanced up at me. "I never run," he whispered pitifully, his hair falling over his eyes as he settled his head back against my chest. "I tripped. There was a stick in the yard, and I tripped. I didn't mean to break the eggs, I really didn't."

"She did this to you," I whispered, my eyes now downcast as my gaze swept his bare back, my fingers grazing the angry red whelps that blossomed from his skin in a design so intricate that I couldn't even tell how many times she'd hit him.

"He's going to kill me Lana, I know he is. After dinner... She said he's going to beat me too! I broke the eggs!" Thomas cried now, his words muffled in my sweater as he gripped me tightly.

"He's not going to beat you I promise. I'll take you away from here tonight if he even tries," I promised, anger slamming through me as I held his shaking body.

None of us had done anything to deserve this life. Roman and I were old enough to defend ourselves if it came down to it, but Shelly and Thomas were only six. Ranger, the baby hadn't even begun walking yet, and at ten months old, he would have a hell of a life if someone didn't get him out of here. I'd somehow taken on the mothering role of all three of them, and it pissed me off every time one of them was hurt this badly.

"Did you eat?" I asked, moving Thomas from my lap and laying him on my pillow.

My gut wrenched, when he shook his head no, my own hunger pangs threatening to eat me alive if I didn't get something in my belly.

"I'll bring you half of mine," I promised, pulling the sheet over him before kissing his cheek. "Stop crying," I whispered into his hair, pulling him into one more hug. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I have to go in there, but I'll be back, okay?" I asked, hating the doubt that etched his innocent features as I stood from the narrow cot.

I was already in trouble for coming home late, so I had no problem saying something to the Pernickles' about Thomas' condition. I would be out of here in a few months, and another beating at the hands of Martin Pernickle would only strengthen my hatred for them, making me even more determined to not stay here any longer than the state required.

"Ninety Eight days," I whispered to myself as I made my way back to the kitchen, my feet padding softly on the cracked linoleum.

They heard me coming, but only Roman looked up, his mouth pulling into a quick smile before adjusting his eyes back to the untouched food on his plate. I took the chair across from him, picking up the fork that had been left for me before I finally opened my mouth to speak.

"You could have broken something, or even killed him," I said, my eyes on Jo Pernickle as she shot me an annoyed glance.

"Eat your food Alana, you already have the same coming to you. Don't make it worse," she answered, snatching a bit of t-bone from her fork and chewing loudly.

"I don't care if you beat me. You can beat me now if you want," I replied boldly, my stomach flip flopping as Martin Pernickle's eyes came to rest of my face. "Thomas is hurt, and he's hungry. I'm going to bandage him up this time, but there isn't going to be a next time..."

"Or what...?" Martin Pernickle asked gruffly, baring his stained yellow teeth as his lips turned upward in a snarl.

Defiance rose within me, and I ignored the kick under the table I received from Roman, his eyes pleading with me not to push the issue. These challenges never ended well, and I was the only one that knew the real reason why Roman had spent eight weeks with his arm in a cast last summer. Martin Penickle had broken it after Roman refused to skin a deer he'd shot that day. It wasn't going to end well for me, and we both knew it, but I suddenly didn't care. I'd been quiet long enough.

"Do you like the checks you've been getting from the state each month? We sit here and eat this...this...Sh.... MESS..." I corrected myself as Shelly's eyes widened at the word that had almost slipped from my mouth. "And yet, you punish us. You beat them like they're grown men, and then you expect us to not say anything. I have the right to visit my parent's graves whenever I want, and even so, I only go once a month. I'm not going to stand for you hurting the little ones anymore. You lay a finger on Thomas tonight, and you'll have to kill me to keep me from going to the police," I threatened, my words sounding a lot less menacing out loud than they did in my head.

"Don't ask for something you know you don't want," Martin Pernickle's words came cold and hard, causing my heart to almost jump right out of my chest.

My eyes met his, and I gritted my teeth, raising my chin to let him know that I wasn't scared of him. No one could see that my legs were shaking under the table, and I was sure only Roman noticed how tightly I was gripping the fork now to keep from dropping it. I wasn't sure who this girl was that dared challenge either of the Pernickle's. Something had finally snapped inside of me, and I knew that he saw it in my eyes, his knife lowering slowly to rest beside his plate before he grabbed my wrist in a vice like grip.

"OUT!" Martin Pernickle shouted, bits of food flying from his mouth across the table ahead of his sweeping gaze.

Shelly didn't have to be told twice, her chair hit the floor with a bang as she scampered from the table and down the hall, our bedroom door slamming shut behind her. I jerked once, trying to free my arm to no avail, my eyes still holding Martin Pernickle's evil stare. The bones in my wrist felt as it they would snap at any moment, but I didn't cry out from the pain. That's exactly what he wanted.

"Didn't you hear me boy? I said get out!" Martin Pernickle warned Roman now, his other fist slamming on the table in anger.

"Roman please..." I tried, but my voice was too shaky to continue.

There she was, the scared little girl that I'd been for the last five years, threatening to break through the newly birthed version of me. I felt the tears coming, and I swallowed hard, my eyes shifting to Roman's worried face for a moment. If a look could have said it all, then Martin Pernickle would have known that Roman would kill him before he let anything happen to me. I almost smiled as I caught the hardened expression Roman now wore, his own fork gripped between his slim fingers, ready to use in my defense. His voice was steady, and my gaze shifted back to Martin Pernickle as the words sunk in.

"I'm not leaving..."

Simply put, but epic to watch as the soft spoken statement settled between the four of us. For once, Jo Pernickle had nothing to say, her words caught somewhere, no doubt, in the choking gasp she exhaled on. My fingers flexed as Martin Pernickle's grip lessened on my wrist, a smirk now etched in the aging lines of his face as his gaze finally fell from mine. It was a small victory, and one I would probably never see again, but I rejoiced inside, the new me taking root as I shot a daring look at Jo Pernickle.

Her dull brown eyes immediately fell to her plate, her matching mousy brown hair covering most of her face as she refused to look at me. I wanted to think that my newly shown streak of defiance had caused the sudden turn around with the Pernickles, but something just wasn't right. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the head shake from Martin Pernickle, and the nervous look he gave his wife when her mouth opened and then closed. There was a reason that the next world war hadn't just broken out in the kitchen, and my eyes narrowed in suspicion now, my gaze sweeping around the room for a clue.

"That's mine," I stated bluntly, not bothering to point out the out of place Louis Vuitton luggage set that sat in the corner by the back door.

There was nothing luxurious about this old farmhouse, and I doubted Jo Pernickle even knew how to pronounce the name the designer the bags were named after. They'd been a gift from my parents for my thirteenth birthday, something I would have used on my trip to the Hampton's, but I'd never gotten to go. A mother, daughter retreat is what they'd called it, my mom's way of spending a few more precious moments with her little girl. I hadn't seen the luggage since the day I moved in, and had assumed that they'd sold it off at the local pawn shop, but there they were, stacked according to size in a neat little row.

I suddenly understood now why Martin Pernickle had backed down so suddenly. They were putting me out! And there was no way they would send me anywhere with bruises all over me. My relief was short lived as my eyes fell on Roman's, his face confused now as he looked from me to the bags.

"I'm...borrowing them," Jo Pernickle finally answered, her explanation less than forthcoming.

"Wait...so I'm not...leaving then...?" I managed, disappointment shooting through me, despite the shift in Roman's expression.

"You have three more months until you're eighteen honey, and by then we'll be..."

"Jo," Martin Pernickle's tone cut her sarcasm short, her eyes rolling as she jumped up from the table, leaving her unfinished plate of food.

"I'm going to finish packing," She retorted, her bony hips bumping the high chair that still sat in the middle of the floor.

Her stomps were enough to shake the table, and I moved to rescue a sleeping Ranger from the now rocking high chair, before it could tip over with him in it. No one spoke as I busied myself with fixing him a bottle, his wails only quieting once I'd cradled him in my arms and began the pace back and forth in front of the sink. He was dirty, and in need of a bath, but my mind was more focused on the Pernickle's impending trip.

"We've got some business to take care of...out of town," Martin Pernickle chose his words carefully, his hand rising as my mouth opened to protest.

"Don't think you got away with anything here tonight. Only because we're leaving in the next hour or so am I'm letting it go for now. You will get just what I promised if you don't do as I say while we're gone. The state checks your school attendance, so that's where you'll be. Alana, you know the rules, and you will take care of this house. I want the kids on their chores, and I want my dogs fed. I got a big hunt coming up when I get back," Martin Pernickle explained, already rising from his chair. "We won't be gone more than a week, and this..." He paused, pointing at the luggage in the corner. "...Stays between us."

"Or...what...? What's to stop us from walking out that door right behind you?" Roman asked, rising as well so that he was almost eye level with Martin Pernickle.

I felt the testosterone flowing between the two of them, and I knew that we'd pushed the boundaries enough for one night. I'd always thought there was evil in Martin Pernickle's dark eyes, and I didn't like the way they now fell to the discarded steak knife as he answered slowly.

"If you value your life, you won't run."

Straight and to the point. My hand on Roman's arm wasn't needed, he knew when to let something go, and this was one of those times. I followed him out of the kitchen and down the hall, not daring to look back at the man whose eyes were still on my back. We were only a paycheck to him, and I knew he meant what he'd said. I wanted to reach out and touch Roman's silky brown locks as he tossed one last look over his shoulder at me, but I didn't. He disappeared into his room, and I went into mine, closing the door behind me.

I didn't know how they expected to me to go to school, and take care of the baby. Martin Pernickle hadn't said. During the day Jo worked, and I knew there was a babysitter, but how would I contact her? Would she expect payment, or had they handled that already? The questions tumbled around in my head, but there was no making sense of it. The Pernickle's had never taken a trip before, and I certainly never expected them to leave us here on our own. I knew without looking that there wasn't much food in the refrigerator, not that they ever fed us much anyway. Something just wasn't right; I felt it in my gut.

"Mom, Dad... I need you. I don't know what to do..." I whispered out loud, settling myself on the cot opposite the sleeping twins.

Ranger jumped as I laid him on top of me, my arms curling over his tiny body to keep him from rolling off. I couldn't feel their presence here, like I did in the graveyard, but I hoped...especially after today... I listened for something, anything that would qualify as a sign from either of them, but the only sounds that reached me was Jo Pernickle's hushed whispers. They were arguing about something, but I only caught pieces of the conversation.

"She can't know..."

"I wasn't going..."

"You need to keep it together..."

"If it doesn't happen now, then we're..."

Their voices faded as they moved from their bedroom and back into the kitchen. I heard keys jingling, and then the sound of Martin Pernickle's truck being started. I wanted to wish them dead...wish that they wrecked in the snow, or wish that they never returned, but I couldn't... I wanted to believe that they were family to someone, and I would never want that someone to feel the hurt I lived with every day.

The noise outside had alerted the dogs, and I could hear them all barking at once now, the sound even more ferocious than usual. I'd never known anyone to hunt with pit bulls, but Martin did, starving them for days before a hunt so that they were blood thirsty. Why he'd instructed me to feed them now was beyond me. He knew I never even went into the backyard, much less near the kennel, and with them barking like that, I wouldn't start now. I listened for what felt like another hour, before I finally heard the back door slam shut, the truck pulling slowly out of the yard shortly after that.

Roman must have been listening too because I heard his door creak open almost immediately, a silent pause, and then the unmistakable whine of the floorboards as he tipped from his room into mine. I smiled to myself as his eyes fell on my cot first, his face alarmed until he spotted the twins tangled together in a mass under my pillow and sheet. The baby didn't wake this time when I moved him, laying him on the cot before rising to a stand.

"I didn't see you over there," Roman commented, his gaze moving back to the twins.

"They were sleep, I didn't want to move them," I explained, motioning to my cot.

"So...tonight..."

"Was..."

"Crazy...?"

"Unexpected...?" I offered at the same time he did, shaking my head at the events of the last two hours.

"Something's not right," Roman shook his head too, his silky brown locks dancing across his dark brown eyes as he looked at me again.

"I was thinking the same thing, but what? How am I supposed to take care of the kids? How am I supposed to go to school? There is no food..." I whispered now, the frustration of it all causing tears to gather at the corner of my eyes. "I just want out," I breathed, my shoulders sagging now as Roman reached for me.

It wasn't the first time that he consoled me, but it was usually an awkward pat on the back, or a tug on my hair. I couldn't stop the tears when he pulled me to him gently, his hand cradling my head against his chest as if I were a baby myself. His heart seemed to be thumping a million miles a minute, but he didn't seem scared. His solid frame more than held my drooping one, rocking me from side to side for a minute before he pecked the top of my head awkwardly with a kiss.

"You shouldn't have said that tonight you know?" he asked, a smile tugging at his lips as I shot a look of disbelief up at him.

I saw in his eyes that he was only kidding, and was actually proud of me for finally standing up to them.

"I just wish it had been me... Sooner than this..." he added, his head ducking now so that his hair hid his eyes from my view.

I wanted, as I'd wanted so many times before, to push it out of his face so that I could fully see his features, but I didn't move. I knew that his brow had probably knitted together, his expression etched into that boyish scowl of his. His lips, I could plainly see, pressed together over straight even teeth in disappointment.

"You stood up for me; you stayed..." I whispered, releasing the hold I had on his waist as he took a step back.

"You didn't think I would let him hurt you did you?" Roman asked, his eyes showing the hurt he felt as he took in my words.

He immediately thought that I'd doubted him, when that had never been the case.

"No... I know we don't talk much, but..." I blushed now, my words halting as I scrambled for something that was less sappy than I love you.

"You knew..."

"Yeah...I knew you wouldn't," I agreed, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

"So what do we do now?" Roman asked, breaking the moment that had swelled into unfamiliar territory between us.

I shrugged in response, following him as he stepped back out into the hallway.

"We could always search their room," he suggested, a mischievous smile touching his lips as he started towards the door at the end.

"Have you ever been in there? They would know! We can't!" I protested, grabbing his arm as he turned the knob, a soft click sounding from within. "It's probably booby trapped or something..."

"Alana...really? They aren't that smart," Roman shook his head, digging in his pockets now. "I need something...sharp..."

I didn't want to go in their room. They had warned us before leaving, and I wasn't taking that warning lightly. I couldn't help but look behind me towards the kitchen, almost expecting them to walk back through the door at any moment. The thought of Jo Pernickle flossing around with my Louis Vuitton luggage was enough to change my mind.

"Will this work?" I asked, tapping the safety pin that was holding my ripped belt loop in place on my jeans.

"Perfect!" he whispered, smiling as I unhooked and handed him the pin.

I wanted to ask if he had even done this before...broken into someone's room or house, but instead I pressed my lips tightly together, holding back the protest that threatened to spill free as the lock clicked again. The knob turned smoothly this time, and I shook my head as Roman gave me a look over his shoulder before pushing the door all the way open. Since moving here, I'd only caught a glimpse of the Pernickle's bedroom, and it was always the same: stained brown carpeting, the edge of a king size bed, and an old mirror that hung just above it. I didn't realize that my eyes were shut until I heard Roman's voice call to me.

"You coming...?"

I jumped forward, my eyes going to my own bedroom door, before taking a step into the Pernickle's bedroom. If Shelly were to wake up now, she would surely spill the beans that we'd broken in. The thought was lost as I surveyed my surroundings, my nose turning upward as my gaze met Roman's. It was a mess, just like the rest of the house. Dirty clothes, trash, and dishes covered every available surface, including the top of the small television they had sitting on a dresser against the wall. My skin crawled at the thought of touching anything in here, judging from the foul odor that something had to be growing in the carpet.

"Where in the world do we start?" I wondered out loud, tip toeing around an overturned plate of molding food that was stuck to the floor.

"These all look like bills, letters, and...check stubs," Roman offered, pulling a stack of papers from a cardboard box that sat on the nightstand.

"I'll start there...why don't you keep looking...?" I suggested, holding out my hand for the cleanest thing in the room.

"Look for anything dated close to today's date...A ticket, a hotel reservation...anything..."

"Well be careful; we don't want them to know we've been snooping," I warned, just as Roman tripped over a picture frame that was lying in the middle of the floor.

"Is it...?"

"It's not broken," he sighed, picking up the wooden frame and turning it over. "Home Sweet Home," he read from the top of the apple drawing, holding it up so that I could see.

"More like home, NOT so sweet home," I commented, shaking my head as he placed it carefully back where it had been on the floor.

"Just keep looking, there's bound to be something somewhere in here... We just have to find it."
Into The Woods

I knew I was dreaming, but I didn't want to let go yet. The tiny voice was coming through the fog louder and louder, causing the scene in front of me to blur and scatter into jagged pieces. I could see my parents standing just beyond the patch of grass beneath my feet, but there was now a chasm there, its depths reaching dark and black into nothingness. I tried calling to them, but my voice didn't come. My mother's face blurred and then came into focus once again, her smile turning into a frown as she extended her hand to me once more. My father also had his hands outstretched as if he would catch me if I jumped, but fear crept through me as the grass gave way a little more, turning into tiny pebbles that slid downward from under my feet. The air seemed thinner and I breathed deeply as the voice called to me again, a sudden pressure on my shoulder, pulling me backwards away from the hole.

"No!" I cried, swallowing the lump that had settled in the back of my throat; I wasn't ready to go.

There was no running start. I didn't have time. My fingers reached, a smile touching my lips as the circle of light behind my parents grew brighter. The wind came suddenly, my feet barely passing the middle of the chasm before I was sucked downward, a scream caught in my throat as they disappeared from view. I was falling and they were no longer there to catch me. The pressure on my shoulder was heavier now, jerking me about so that my body turned into a twirling spin. Light! I saw light, and it was coming at me through the dark walls, dots of it illuminating my descent as I fell. The voice was clearer now; and I looked up, my hand shielding my eyes from the bright white flash as I jerked away.

"Are we going to school today?" Shelly's voice reached me now, clear and whiny, her cold hand shocking me into taking in a ragged breath.

"What time is it?!" I bolted upright, confused at my surroundings for a minute.

I'd fallen asleep in the Pernickle's room, on the floor. My body ached in protest as I shifted upright, my muscles screaming against the pain as I straightened my legs from the awkward position I'd slept in. The stack of papers I'd been sifting through last night was now crumbled under and around me, some of them stuck to the dirty carpet.

"Oh my god! Roman!" I called, jumping to a stand, ignoring Shelly as she tugged on my hand.

He would have looked cute, had he not been curled up on the bottom of the Pernickle's bed with an envelope stuck to his cheek. His hair was wild, pushed back off his forehead, and sticking out in every direction. His bottom lip seemed to be turned into a permanent pout, and he grunted softly when I tapped his shoulder, his brow wrinkling in annoyance. My eyes went to Shelly as she looked at me expectantly, her expression giving way to the question I'm sure she was dying to ask.

"Jo forgot something. They went on a trip," I tried for a smile, even though Shelly had already begun to shake her head. "She asked Roman and me to come in here and look for a special paper for her. We must have fallen asleep..." I paused as Roman's eyes opened, his head turning to look at the two of us.

"Shit!" he whispered groggily, his hand going over his face as he rolled from the bed and to his feet in one motion.

"Roman! You said a bad word!" Shelly accused, her own hand covering her mouth as she pointed at him now.

"We are going to school, and we're going to miss the bus if we don't hurry," I directed Shelly now, my hands firmly on her shoulder as I led her out of the room and back into the hallway.

Relief swept through me when I spotted Ranger, still sleeping exactly where I had laid him the night before on the cot. It was irresponsible of me to have fallen asleep like that, and I was lucky he hadn't fallen off the bed or worse, gotten tangled in the sheet that now hung down to the floor.

"I got Thomas, you get Shelly and the baby," Roman instructed, picking up a still sleeping Thomas from my cot.

"Thank you," I murmured gratefully, already pulling out clothes for Shelly and the baby to change into.

We had fifteen minutes before the bus would be at the end of our driveway, so I dressed Shelly first, leaving the baby to sleep as I went into the kitchen to find something to put in the backpacks for lunch. Dishes lay right where we'd left them last night, the food now hardened and crusted to the plates. There was nothing in the refrigerator, but a block of cheese and two slices of bread, and so I packed that, cutting hunks of the cheese into cubes so that it would be easier for the twins to eat.

"I'll find something better for dinner," I promised as I slipped the food into Thomas's backpack and then Shelly's.

"You've got one minute," Roman announced as he entered the kitchen, his hair now wet and clinging to his head.

"The baby... I can't go," I reminded him, motioning down the hall, towards my bedroom where I'd left the baby sleeping.

"If you're not going, I don't want to go," Shelly whined now, shaking her head as Roman grabbed her hand.

"We'll have to figure something out for tomorrow. If the Pernickle's find out..."  
"Well they should have made better plans," I replied, cutting Roman off as he led the twins out the back door.

Although I couldn't see the bus from the back porch, I could hear it coming, its engine chugging and hissing in protest as the driver downshifted to slow down.

All the newer buses went to Winslow on the east side, and the older ones came here. Even then, it wasn't enough to transport all of the students; so high school, middle school, and elementary kids were forced to share, making the ride extremely long if you lived on either end of the county. With no heat, and the transmission sounding like it was about to go any day now, I was grateful to not have to endure the forty-five minute trip to school this morning on the big cheese.

"Hey!" Roman called, walking backwards through the snow just before turning the corner of the house.

I smiled as his breath caught in the cold morning air, the sun causing the powder around him to sparkle in the light. He caught my smile, and shook his head, a knowing glance passing between us for what we'd done the night before.

"What are you going to do today?" He asked, shrugging his shoulders as he let the backpack slide from his shoulder, as if to say: "I can stay with you."

"Clean!" I announced, my nose wrinkling at the dirt and grime I knew waited behind me.

"Have fun!" he laughed, jogging now as the bus driver beeped his horn twice to signal that he was leaving if Roman didn't hurry.

I laughed too, shaking my head as I closed and locked the door behind me. It felt good not to go to school for once. I hadn't missed a day since moving here. The Pernickle's didn't care if we were sick, hurt, or anything else. They both worked, and we weren't trusted in the house alone- until now- and the impromptu trip they'd taken, still rubbed me the wrong way. Roman and I had found nothing last night that could be of any use to us in figuring out where the Pernickle's had gone. Pretty much all the papers were a month old or more, and they were mostly receipts, junk mail, and bills. I'd have plenty of time today to wonder about it, but for now I started making a list in my head of things I wanted to get done today.

There was no good place to start in this house. Everything was dirty. Jo Pernickle would probably kill me for scrubbing all the grime away, but I didn't care. She'd always seen me as being uppity and had slapped me once when I commented on the mess that seemed to grow in her living room every day. I found cleaning supplies out in the shed, and a brand new mop, still wrapped in plastic stuck in the corner. The bucket Martin Pernickle used to carry water to the dog was soon brimming with a steaming hot concoction of bleach and two different kinds of soaps I'd found. I almost welcomed the fumes that filled the house, surprised to see that the linoleum was not the yellowish brown color I thought it was, but baby blue.

The baby played, and I worked through the morning, washing and folding dirty clothes that had been long forgotten, some of them molded beyond repair. I hadn't yet thought of a way to get food for any of us, and was almost resigned to the fact that the twins might have to drink a little of the baby's formula to fill their bellies for the night. The chicken eggs were off limits to us. Jo and Martin Pernickle only kept enough to feed themselves, and the rest were usually sold at the farmer's market each Saturday in town. I resented the fact that we were the ones left hungry, when all the work came from us.

The farm was pretty much useless these days. From what Roman had told me, Martin Pernickle had inherited it when his father died just before I'd come to live with them. Before moving here, they'd all lived in a two bedroom apartment in town, the conditions worse than what they were here. The Pernickle's were just as money hungry then as they were now, and had sold off most of the animals, only keeping the dogs, two cows, and the chickens.

The cows had stopped producing milk a few years ago, and couldn't be sold. I heard Martin Pernickle threaten just about every day that he was going to shoot one of them, but he never did. They stood neglected, out in the overgrown field from year to year, surviving only on the tufts of grass that stuck through the snow in the winter months. It sickened me to see their ribs showing through their heavy hides; so I avoided going out in the yard as much as possible. The only reason the chickens were still around is because Roman made sure to keep the coop mended, feeding them daily. The twins and I collected and sorted the eggs, packaging them up for the market every afternoon. The dogs, we ignored. They were a vicious bunch, growling and barking if they caught our scent in the wind. Martin Pernickle was the only one I'd ever seen go in the pen, and I laughed at his instructions now for me to feed them. He was insane. They could starve for all I cared.

The squeal of brakes alerted me to the fact that a car was slowing in front of the house, so I discarded the laundry basket I'd been about to fill with folded clothes and slipped on my still damp tennis shoes I'd left by the front door the night before. A quick look at the clock, and I was shocked to see that it was almost time for the bus to arrive. The mailman waved as he passed, shoving a stack of mail into our leaning mailbox without even coming to a complete stop. I waved back as I made my way down the porch steps, and across the yard, the cold snow stinging my bare ankles as my feet sank into the soft powder. We weren't suppose to check the mail...ever...but the Pernickle's hadn't left instructions on what to do while they were gone, so I opened the box, looking down the road on either side before pulling out the stack.

I'd never gotten mail here, and after the first year I'd stopped asking if anything came for me. Once I moved, my old friends had all but forgotten that I existed, and any extended family that I did have probably didn't even know where I was, so I was surprised to see my name printed in bold block lettering right in the middle of the top envelope.

"Alana Cassidy, care of Martin & Jo Pernickle... State of Maine Family court..." I read out loud, holding it up to the sun to see if I could decipher what was inside.

It wasn't for me, it was for the Pernickles, but they hadn't mentioned going to court. The last time that I'd even been inside a court room with them was the day the state had made them my legal guardians until I reached the age of eighteen. I'd cried harder than I'd ever cried that day, and I regretted now, not saying anything when the judge asked if there was anything that I wanted to say. I should have told him that they'd beaten me with a braided switch when I couldn't stop crying my first night here. I should have told them about the living conditions. I should have said something, but I'd didn't. Anything having to do with my well being I was supposed to be included in, and it angered me now that they had apparently went to court without me when it clearly had something to do with me.

A rumble in the distance drew my attention away from the letter, long enough for me to catch a glimpse of the top of the school bus turning the curve that led to the Pernickle's farm. The stack, I tucked under my arm as the bus slowed to a stop. The envelope, I folded and stuck in my back pocket, not sure yet what I planned to do with it. It could be a clue as to where the Pernickle's went to so suddenly, but it wasn't mine, and I couldn't imagine what they would do if they found out I'd gone through their mail.

"Lana!" Shelly squealed, her arms thrown wide open as she ran across the road and into my arms.

I kissed her forehead, setting her down to give the same treatment to Thomas as he joined us, his hand over his belly. I knew they both had to be hungry, and I looked to Roman as he joined us, his backpack sliding from his shoulder.

"Do you know how to cook a chicken?" He asked as I took the bag from him, my eyes widening as he broke into a long stride across the yard.

"You can't!" I called, already jogging after him as he pulled the snow covered axe from the rotting stump in the front yard.

"You're hungry right? They're hungry too right?" He fired the questions one after the other, as if what he was about to do was logical.

I'd worried over stealing one or two eggs to split between the four of us for the night, and he was about to kill a whole chicken!

"Go inside!" I demanded, waving Shelly and Thomas away from the scattering birds as they squawked and flapped, probably sensing what was about to happen.

"I'm not condoning this..." I whispered as Roman crouched low, his attention now on catching whichever chicken ran his way first.

"I didn't ask you too..."

"But..."

"But you can cook a chicken right?" he asked, lunging forward into a roll as he caught one of the hens by the neck.

I wanted to laugh as his face hit the snow first, the powder covering the rest of him in a thick white layer, but the chicken was thrashing about so wildly now I was afraid that he'd actually get hurt in the process. I knew he wasn't going to listen to me if I told him to let it go, so I turned and walked towards the house, sure that the twins were watching every second of what was about to be a brutal slaughter. I could cook a chicken, but there was no way I was plucking or skinning it.

*********

"I can't believe we ate the whole thing!" I laughed as I entered the kitchen again, a smile touching my lips as Roman finished cleaning the meat from the leg bone on his plate.

"I can't believe the floor is blue!" he answered with a laugh of his own, shaking his head as he surveyed the kitchen floor for the third time that night.

"We should probably do something with that," I pointed now to the picked clean chicken carcass that sat in the pan on the stove.

As if on cue a round of barking sounded from the backyard, a low whine and then a piercing yelp mixed in the commotion.

"They're probably hungry," Roman shrugged, getting up to scrape the bones from his plate into the pan on the stove.

"We could give it to them...but aren't chicken bones bad for dogs..."

"All the more reason to give it to them. If one of them gets out..."

"I know, but they're suffering enough already..."

"He starves them on purpose Lana, and besides, he only feeds them raw meat, and only a little just before a hunt. It keeps them wanting more..." he trailed off, shaking his head when another yelp from outside caused me to jump.

"Fine, but you're coming with me," he nodded towards the coat and shoes I'd discarded on an empty kitchen chair. "Are the twins sleeping?"

I nodded, pulling on the coat, and then the soaking wet shoes, my feet protesting against the shocking chill.

"The baby?"

I nodded again, moving past him out of the back door and down into the yard, making sure that he was behind me before continuing towards the dog pen. The barking grew more vicious as we approached, low growls mixed in with a distinct whine. I'd expected all four pits to be throwing themselves against the metal fencing as we approached, their noses wide open to the smell of chicken juices, but their eyes weren't on us. A yelp sounded as a scuffle broke out, and I jumped as Roman dropped the pan into the snow beside me, running to the fence with his arms waving wildly about. I didn't see her before, but I saw her now as I approached more cautiously, a smaller white pit on her side, panting as blood ran from her snout and into the dirt.

"Survival of the fittest," Roman shook his head as one of the larger dogs attacked again, his jaws locking around the smaller pits neck before releasing, his attention finally on us.

"You can't go in there!" I exclaimed, my hand catching his arm as he walked back to grab the pan he'd dropped.

"We've already killed a chicken, if one of the dogs die too..."

He was right, but I wasn't so sure that Martin Pernickle would be shaking our hand in thanks either way. Too many rules had been broken, and we both knew that consequences would follow as soon as they returned. Adding a dead dog to the mix, even if it wasn't our fault, would not amount to anything good.

"How do you plan to get her out of there?" I finally asked, as he scanned the roof of the pen.

It was sealed tight on the top and bottom. These were prized pits, and Martin Pernickle wouldn't take a chance on losing any of them. We would have to open the door to give them the food, and hopefully distract them long enough to drag the injured dog out.

"I'll crack the door and throw the food towards the other side. When they run, I'll grab her, and then you shut the door as soon as we're clear..." Roman instructed, his breath showing as a heavy cloud of smoke in the cold night, the rush of adrenaline written on his face.

This was even more insane than breaking into the Pernickle's bedroom the night before, but I only nodded, my eyes now on the injured pit. In her condition, she didn't seem as if she could harm either one of us, but it wasn't her that I was worried about. The two large black male pits circled each other, the hair standing on the back of their neck as Roman unlatched the door slowly. The other smaller brown pit, stayed towards the back, his teeth bared, but no sounds coming out. I only nodded as Roman glanced at me, my body stiffening in fear as one of the dogs lunged forward slamming into the fence.

"Now!" Roman cried, throwing open the door before the dog had a chance to right himself, its eyes already following the flying food through the air, and down into the dirt where it landed with a thud.

They were on it in a flash, growling and snapping at each other, the two of us forgotten. Somewhere during the commotion I screamed, but Roman was already dragging the young white pit out by her front paws, his breath coming in short pants as he fell backwards out of the pen and into the snow. I slammed the door and locked it just as the last scrap was snatched up from the ground, the three remaining pits charging the fence before I could back away.

"It's okay," Roman caught me as I tripped, a scream lodged in my throat despite the barrier between us and the three remaining dogs now.

"They could have killed you!" I exclaimed, slapping his hand from my shoulder as he laughed at me again.

The smile instantly cleared from his face as he took in my serious expression, his eyes already apologizing as my hand went over my chest.

"She's hurt pretty badly," I noticed now, several wounds lay open and bleeding on the wounded pits neck, the tip of her nose also torn from the attack.

"Well I'm not a vet; I have no clue what to do. We can clean her up, maybe wrap something around her neck, and put her in the shed until morning."

I only nodded in agreement, my mouth falling slightly open as he removed the sweater and then the t-shirt he wore underneath. Gone was the lanky boy I'd seen cutting the grass summer after summer. I couldn't help but admire the slightly chiseled frame he now carried, his shoulders broadening out from a wide chest, squared against the cold. He'd always been cute, but he was like a brother to me, and I knew he'd never looked at me in the same way. My cheeks warmed as he tossed me the t-shirt, my eyes on the dog now as he slipped the sweater back over his head.

"I'll hold her still while you wrap that around her neck...not too tight, I don't want her to bite..."

I nodded as he lowered to the ground, the dogs head cradled in his lap before he slipped his hand through her collar to hold her still. The t-shirt was thin, and ripped easily in my hands, creating two separate pieces that I used to wrap around the pits wounds.

"Her name's Jezebel," I read from the tag, smiling at the reddish brown patches I hadn't noticed decorating the dog's side.

"She's pretty, but I still don't trust her," Roman replied as her head jerked from his lap, a low growl in her throat as she looked warily from me to him.

"It's cold in the shed..."

"It's cold out here too Lana. She's always been in the pen, and we're not taking her in the house with us," Roman interrupted me, answering the question I'd been about to ask.

"I just thought she could heal better in the house. It's warmer in there, and..."

"No, Alana, geeez! Don't you think we're in enough trouble already," Roman snapped at me now, jumping up so that we were face to face again.

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"I'm sorry," he cut me off again, taking my hand in his for a moment. "I just wish they weren't coming back. We could take care of the kids. We could make it without them, don't you think?"

"Roman...I'm seventeen. You're sixteen... What are you saying? They are coming back, and soon..."

"I know...it's just...I'm so tired of living like this. And when they get back..." he sighed, motioning around us to the farm in general.

I didn't have to finish his sentence to know that we were both thinking the same thing. When they got back we'd both be lucky to survive the beatings we had coming our way, if they stopped there this time.

"Run away with me Lana..."

Roman's voice was quiet, his head down as his eyes looked up at me through silky brown locks. My breath held as he pulled me to him, his cold fingers cupping my face so that I had no other choice but to hold his gaze.

"I could take care of you. You wouldn't have to stay here any longer. We could leave as soon as they get back. They pull up and we go before they ever get in the house. You would know that the kids are safe..."

"But would they be...?" I asked, my hands closing over his to keep him from pulling me any further in. "Would they be safe Roman?" I repeated the question, my own voice so soft that the words barely came this time. "I can't just leave them like this... I want out of here as much as you do, but I can just..."

"GRAB HER!" Roman screamed now, stumbling backwards in the snow as the pit dove between our legs, her body stretching out into a full run across the backyard.

He was fast, closing on her before she'd passed the shed that sat on the backside of the property line, but freedom loomed too close and he quickly lost ground. A blur of white skimmed along the trees, her body dodging in and out of the brush before she disappeared from sight completely. I hadn't moved from the spot I was in, my mouth opened in shock as I watched Roman run into the woods after her. The crunch of dry leaves grew fainter, the night air falling quiet again around me as I strained to hear the direction he was going. I couldn't believe he had left me standing here all alone. Sounds that I hadn't noticed before seemed magnified as I tipped my way across the backyard. The wind had picked up, creating a background howl to the buzz of the outdoor lamp mounted on the side of the house. A second set of footsteps seemed to match mine, and I couldn't help but turn to watch the house as I walked, sure that something would pop around the corner at any moment.

"Lana!"

I heard Roman scream my name, and I ran towards the sound, my heart pounding in my chest as the other dogs erupted into a frenzied round of barking.

"Here!" I called out as I neared the shed, my eyes scanning the darkened woods for a sign of him.

The light on the back of the house didn't reach this far into the yard, the yellow glow barely illuminated Roman's footprints that led past the shed continue along the perimeter before disappearing on the other side of the fence, into the woods.

"I'm turned around..." I heard Roman's voice call again, a howl sounding somewhere off in the distance just as I answered.

"Walk this way!" I screamed now, stomping my feet in the snow in an effort to make some more noise. "Over here! Over here!" I cried now, jumping up and down as the sound of crunching leaves reached my ears.

There was no sign of Jezebel as Roman came stomping back through the woods, his face sullen as I reached to help him climb back over the rusty fence. He was pissed that she'd ran off, and probably even more pissed that he hadn't found her.

"It'll be alright... She hunts, she'll find her way back..."

"Would you come back here?" Roman snapped, stopping in his tracks so that I almost ran into him.

I didn't say anything as he looked me up and down, hurt showing through the anger at my refusal to run away with him. Running away just wasn't the answer, especially when I was three months away from turning eighteen. My only consolation in leaving the younger children behind, when that time came, was knowing that Roman would still be there to look out for them until I could put my plan into place. An anonymous letter I'd written to social services months ago would be mailed the day I walked away from this place for good. The contents of that letter would be enough to have the Pernickle's foster care license taken away for good, placing Roman and the younger children in better homes once I was gone.

"Roman..." I finally tried, reaching for his arm, but he had already turned away from me, heading back towards the house.

There was nothing left to do but follow him across the yard, my eyes on the bright red blotches that stained the snow, leading away from the pen. If she wasn't back by morning, I would search for Jezebel tomorrow when everyone was at school I decided, locking the door behind me as I shed my wet shoes for the second time that day.

Roman had disappeared into his room, closing the door before I had a chance to pass and say goodnight. He was angry, and I understood that, but he hadn't given me a chance to explain why I didn't want to just run away. He needed time to cool down, and I needed a shower. Going into the woods was the last thing I wanted to do, but if Martin Pernickle returned, and he was one pit short... I didn't want to think about what would happen to either of us. I had to find Jezebel before they returned.
Sun Up to Sun Down

My morning started much like the one before, except I hadn't overslept this time. I'd gotten up early enough to cook a small pot of the oatmeal I'd found in the back of one of the cabinets. The date on it had expired months ago, but the twins ate it with no complaints. Twenty minutes before the bus would arrive, Roman finally made an appearance, mumbling a quiet hello to all of us before taking his place at the table. I pretended to be busy feeding Ranger his morning bottle, my back to them as they ate and I paced the worn kitchen floor, my thoughts on how I would go about searching for Jezebel, who hadn't been in the yard this morning. The sound of a car creeping into our driveway pulled me out of my reverie long enough for me to catch Roman's warning look, his coat already on as he motioned for us to stay inside.

"Who...?"

"Quiet!" I stopped Shelly, my hand over her mouth as she jumped from the chair.

From the back door, I could see nothing but the right side of the chicken coop, and a snow covered field, but I could hear Roman's voice, low and rumbling as he spoke to whomever was outside. A high pitched laugh and I knew it was a woman, the voice familiar before her face appeared outside of the fogged up glass of the screen door.

"There you are!" she exclaimed loudly, a smile on her lips as she stepped inside uninvited, already reaching to take Ranger from my arms.

His fat fingers reached immediately to the thick orangish red curls fashioned into a globe around her head, and he laughed when she opened her light green eyes wide in feigned surprise. I could tell it was a game they played often, and she didn't seem to mind the cheek full of drool he left behind when he planted a big wet one on the side of her face. She seemed familiar, but her name escaped me even though she seemed to know who we were. I watched as she play tickled Ranger, putting him into the one piece snow suit she'd brought with her before giving each of the twins a pat on the head.

"I'm so sorry... Alana right?" She addressed me now, her double chins wobbling as she shook her head. "I thought sure Jo said today was the day I needed to pick up the baby early, not yesterday. Roman here was just telling me that you had to miss school yesterday..."

"Yeah...I..." I paused, my eyes going to Roman as he entered the kitchen through the back door, shrugging out of his coat before sitting down to finish his breakfast.

"Ms. Nancy, from up the road? I baby sit Ranger on the days Jo works," she reminded me, filling in the silence that had fallen in the room.

"Right... Jo... Mrs. Pernickle," I corrected quickly, moving aside so that the older woman could pass me. "They didn't mention a babysitter, and I wasn't sure who to call, so I stayed..."

"I'll explain why you missed school if that's what you're worried about," Ms. Nancy shook her head, her eyes trailing around the room now, from floor to ceiling. "Well I declare...I haven't seen this kitchen floor this blue since Martin Sr. had it installed fifteen years ago!" she announced, taking in the clean counter and sink.

"Maybe them being gone has done you some good?" she asked with a nod, her eyes falling on us in pity. "You don't have to say anything to me. If I didn't need the babysitting money she pays me..."

She stopped suddenly, her plump cheeks growing crimson as her gaze dropped from mine.

"Don't worry about packing him a bag. My daughter has a little extra from her son that I always use when I have Ranger. Which reminds me, I'd better be getting back to the house. She has to get on the road before the bus comes this way, or she'll be late for work. Three-thirty?" She asked, looking at me again expectantly as she backed her way out of the screen door and onto the porch.

"Three-thirty?" I replied, confused with the subject change.

"The bus...You'll be out of school by three thirty so I can bring him back right? Jo said..."

"Yes! Three thirty is fine..."

"Well it's really nice to meet you Alana. When Jo told me they were adopting, I thought they meant the little one, but you seem like you're a big help around this place. Maybe just what these younger ones need," She added with a raise of her eyebrow before tucking Ranger under her parka, safe from the cold, against her chest.

"Adopting...wait...what?" I started after her, but she seemed to realize her slip and rushed forward down the steps, almost slipping on the patch of ice that had formed at the bottom. "What do you mean adopting!?" I yelled now, sure that my question reached her before she climbed in her car and shut the door.

My vision shifted a little as I played back the last few minutes in my mind. Adopting... The Pernickle's wouldn't get a check from the state if they adopted any of us. We were their bread and butter... Ms. Nancy had to be mistaken.

"Did you hear her?" I asked, whirling around, my eyes on Roman's back as he washed out his bowl at the sink.

"You know and I know that they aren't adopting any of us. Nosey old neighbor, who likes to run her mouth, just like everyone else around here," Roman snapped, jerking his coat off the back of the kitchen chair.

"Yeah, but why would she say that? Was she talking about me? I don't get it...first they leave us here, and then the letter..."

"Look Alana, we don't have time for this. Get dressed; the bus will be here in five minutes. It's a long walk to school," Roman reminded me, helping the twins into the coats I'd hung on the back of their chair.

He was still mad at me. I could see it in his eyes despite the hollow expression he now wore. The mention of a letter had barely elicited a raise of his eyebrow, much less a comment, and he knew I wouldn't say anymore with the twins looking back and forth between us. Gone was the connection we'd shared just the night before, and I hated the sullen look he threw my way before letting the screen door slam behind him.

"Go ahead and catch the bus, I'll walk," I murmured, opening my arms for the hug I was sure to get from Shelly and Thomas.

I watched from the front window until they'd caught up with Roman, sure that he wouldn't come back to check on me. I wasn't going to school today; the babysitter had just freed my morning up, and I planned to search for Jezebel until I found her. I'd wanted to get Roman's opinion before opening the letter, but he'd stayed in his room the remainder of the night, and I hadn't wanted to bother him. It remained unopened, tucked under my mattress, the mystery of its contents burning a hole in my thought even more now. Ms. Nancy's words played over and over again in my thoughts, creating a mild sense of panic as I dressed in layers of the warmest clothes I owned. Jo Pernickle's feet were at least two sizes larger than mine, but three pair of socks and two plastic bags on top of that, and her snow boots fit like a glove. I checked the clock against my watch before leaving the house, sure to leave the back door unlocked so that I could get back in.

Our tracks from the night before were still fresh in the snow, Jezebel's blood trail easy to follow from outside the pen to the fence that marked the perimeter of the Pernickle's property. One last look at the house, and I was up and over the fence, the woods looming before me, thick and dark despite the carpet of white snow that blanketed the ground. Thorny vines and branches stuck up -in every direction- through piles of dead leaves, catching the already ripped hem of my jeans almost immediately. It was much colder today than it had been the night before and I had no choice but to use the top of the turtleneck I wore to shield my nose and mouth from the crisp cold air. The woods were just as creepy in the daytime as they had looked at night, gnarled bare branches hanging in clusters, like long fingers reaching down for me.

The earthy smell took over my senses, causing my mind to wander as I walked, my attention only halfway on the task at hand. The last time I'd been in any kind of woods is when I'd been hunting with my dad at eight years old. We'd been tracking a wounded buck from sun up to sun down and he'd refused to give up and go home. I remembered the fear that took over me when the buck bolted from our sight. We'd been hiding under a pile of brush for nearly an hour waiting for him to walk close enough for my dad to get a good shot. Time stood still for me as the bullet sank into his side, a circle of blood bursting and spreading free across his dark tan hide as he fell for a moment, the muscles in his legs spasming as they fought against the sudden shift in weight. Another shot shattered that moment and he was gone just like that, his fear becoming mine as he ran for his life. We searched for two days before we found him dead by a shallow creek, his carcass opened to the bone by a host of scavengers that had happened upon an easy meal. A wounded animal will always try and find water...

The thought took hold as my ears caught the far away rushing sound, mingled in with the noise of the wind. I knew that the river ran somewhere behind the Pernickle's property, though I'd never seen it with my own eyes to know exactly how far I'd have to walk to find it. My attention was instantly back where it belonged, but one quick look around me, and I realized that I was lost. My eyes searched the ground and then my surroundings, trying to place the direction I was headed in. The sun had been in front of me when I started, and was now off to my right, its light barely reaching the tops of the trees through the thick cloud cover. There was no blood in the snow from what I could see where I stood, so I tried to follow the sound, moving quickly, fearful that it would disappear before I located it. The further I walked, the thicker the brush became, the snow making it even more difficult to keep from tripping and falling face first to the ground. Thorny branches and vines, stripped bare of their once lush green leaves tore at my pants legs, and eventually through the thin material, opening up more than a few cuts along my calves and ankles.

It seemed like I'd walked for miles, every tree mimicking the last. The deeper I went, the more uncertain I became. There were bears, foxes, and probably a whole host of other animals in these woods that could kill me if they wanted too. I'd been lucky...almost too lucky to not have come across anything other than the occasional squirrel or bird. I couldn't tell if I was going straight, but the sound was growing stronger by the minute, so I kept my eyes alert, scanning my surroundings for a break in the brush that would indicate a nearby creek leading to the river.

A quick look at my watch and I knew I should have given up hours ago. It was already after lunch, and it seemed as if I'd only been in the woods for a short period of time. I refused to rest because I knew if I did, I would probably never find my way back in time for the bus. My thoughts were so heavy on the task at hand that I almost missed the dots of blood that suddenly appeared in the snow beneath me, faint from settling overnight but still visible. Relief flooded through me as I followed the trail, certain that the blood was from Jezebel because of the paw prints that led in the direction I was heading.

The smell reached me long before I caught sight of the small creek, the air around me rotten, and smelling slightly of fish the closer I got to the bank. The blood trail disappeared at the waters edge, and there was nothing beyond the opposite bank that I could see. I'd expected to find a dead animal, or even dead fish as I knelt down to inspect the water's surface, searching for paw prints in the frozen mud or anything that would tell me that Jezebel had entered the creek. There was no blood, no tracks, no nothing.

The water ran crisp and fast, its edges frozen into a thin layer of ice that flanked either side of the bank. I was hungry and cold, and the burn in my throat increased suddenly as I contemplated whether or not to drink from the creek. If I'd planned more carefully I would have thought to bring water with me, but I hadn't, and I dreaded the icy cold I knew would freeze my fingers once I dipped them in to get a drink. It was a small price to pay I decided, slipping off the gloves I'd borrowed, so as not to get them any wetter than they already were from my many trips and falls in the snow.

My mouth welcomed the cool liquid, but relief was short lived as the taste of the water settled on my tongue. I gagged and spit before swallowing hard, coughing up what little had managed to slide down my throat in my hurried sip. Not only had the smell in the air magnified, but the water tasted of it, curling my insides as I spat into the creek, trying to get the fishy taste from my mouth. Not only was the water tainted, but there was a hint of salt in it too, setting my already raw throat on fire as I fought against the coughing fit that ensued once my gag reflex kicked in. The snow was my only other option, and I fell into it, on my knees, cupping handfuls of it into my mouth, just to rid myself of the offending taste.

Tears dotted my eyes as I straightened, my lips still tasting slightly of the offending odor. A closer peek at the water, and I could see beneath the thinly frozen surface, a shiny trail of blue, pooled at the bottom of the creek bed, ebbing against the flow, growing more and more faint until it disappeared entirely. The creeks water was dirty brown at best, maybe clear on a warm summer day, but certainly not the electric blue that stained the bed, its color sparkling despite the absence of sunlight to reflect its hue. It piqued my curiosity enough that I quickly forgot about my search for Jezebel, my eyes trained on the odd color as I followed it, slowly, along the edge of the bank. The footing was more slippery here, though partially frozen, the mud immediately sucked the heavy boots I wore downward, causing me to expend what little energy I had left before I'd walked more than a few hundred yards.

I was about to turn back, sure that the cold had me heady enough to be seeing things, but then I heard it. The sound was so faint that I wouldn't have caught it had I not been holding my breath in an effort to cease the burn that had exploded through my lungs. Someone was singing, or humming rather, the tone low and mournful, constant and floating. I paused as it droned again, low and pulling, my head turning on its own accord as I searched the woods around me. I was alone as far as I could tell, the rustling of dead leaves absent now that I had stopped to listen. My eyes trailed the tree branches above, noticing that where there had been an occasional bird or squirrel scampering about, there were none in this part of the woods. Eerie, but not impossible, I reasoned, letting my eyes wander back to the creek that had suddenly become still and silent.

I wanted to turn back. I could almost hear my father's warning tone on the other side of my irrational thoughts, but everything seemed jumbled now. I couldn't think past the cold that had claimed my entire body, my eyes steady drawn to the creek's bed, the blue hue now rippling, as if in an effort to draw me into its flow. It was beyond mesmerizing, the space around me closing in until my peripheral vision blurred, my focus only on the tiny bit of space in front of me that remained clear. There was no stopping my feet as they moved me forward, my frozen fingers tucking under my arms as my eyes followed ahead in anticipation of what I would find. The smell grew stronger, forcing me to breathe through only my mouth, chapping my already dry lips to the point of cracking. The taste of blood mingled and then faded, my senses exploring the sight before my eyes.

Alarms bells chimed through my thoughts, but faded quickly, a thick fog settling in my head, the low mournful tones caught within as if in an echoing song. Where the mouth of the creek spilled into the beginning of what I knew to be the Kennebec River, the blue exploded into hues of greens and yellow, the color changing the now rushing flow of water into a spiral of sparkling liquid. I paused as the song droned on, much louder than it had been a few moments before. I would have covered my ears had I been able to move my arms, but they were stuck fast to my side, my limbs frozen in the position they had settled in. Panic gripped me as my eyes ran along the widened bank, following the water out into the open, well past the rickety dock that lay half concealed by a thicket of overgrown dead vines. The trees were thick here; their trunks almost touching as they crowded the waters edge, their exposed roots tainted the same unusual blue color that ran vividly through the creek. Somewhere outside of the invisible bubble, I seemed to be trapped in, I heard a bird's call, its whistle harsh and shrieking as if to warn me not to go any closer.

My body was not my own to control, and though panic crept steadily through me, I couldn't react, my legs refusing to back away from the edge of the slippery bank. The drone was so loud now that I wondered if anyone else heard it. Surely, the time for the bus to arrive have come and gone. Roman would have noticed my tracks by now, leading away from the house. He would be looking for me...

The thought settled like a lead weight on my chest, crushing any hope that Roman would immediately be worried for me. He was still angry, and once he saw that I wasn't at home, and I hadn't shown up for school, he would probably think the worse... He would probably think...

Listen...

The word was so soft, I barely heard it, and my ears instantly piqued as hope rushed through me. Maybe a hunter... Maybe a...

Listen...

It came sharper this time, warmth pressing just inside my ear as if someone were standing right beside me. I didn't mean to jump. I didn't even know that I could, but I did, a scream lodged in my throat as my boots slipped in the mud, my arms suddenly flailing about me as I grasped for anything that would keep me from falling into the icy water. Pain ignited into a fiery burn, starting in the fingers that clasp the tips of a dead bush, growing out of the side of the bank, its thorns catching deep in my frozen skin before releasing suddenly as I lost my hold. The woods around me went suddenly clear again, the fog in my head rushing free the instant my body hit the icy water sending me into a state of shock. My mouth opened and then closed as I choked on bits of salt and ice that had broken free of the thin layer coating the edge as I fell. The foul odor claimed my throat, taste buds and lips, but was the least of my worries as I felt my butt hit bottom.

Help me...

"HELP ME!" I sputtered, echoing the words that seemed to hover above my head as I pushed myself upward, the voice far enough away that I doubted anyone could actually see me.

My body felt as if a thousand needles had been plunged in simultaneously, the cold so intense that it took my breath away as I struggled to right myself in the waist deep water. I'd had no energy left to begin with, and the rush of adrenaline was fading faster than I was able to move, my boots stuck deep in the muddy river bottom. The harder I fought, the deeper I sunk, the mud seeping in over the tops of the borrowed shoes and down into the hastily tied plastic bags I'd donned to keep my feet extra dry.

Listen...

Help me...

The words came again, the drone silencing my whimpering cries as the invisible bubble settled around me once more. Gone was the splashing sound my hands created as I pulled against the liquid that sucked at me. It was so loud, yet so soft that I was sure that whoever it was, had fallen in right after I did. My peripheral vision blurred once again as I tried to turn, my focus pulled directly in front of me, to where the dilapidated dock lay less than twenty feet away. My mouth opened, but no sound came forth as I watched a trail of the bluish green color veer towards where I stood trapped, its movement mimicking a fish tail as it surrounded me, the color reaching inward until it formed a circle around where I stood.

Listen...

The word came again, pulling at my senses, clearing my nose of the foul odor, and my ears of the rush of blood that echoed from my racing heart.

"I'm listening..." I whispered back, my teeth chattering so violently that I bit my tongue in the process.

Open your eyes and you will see clearly, follow the song, merman of the sea...

"Follow the song...? But...? Help!" I cried now, tears streaming down my face as my hands pulled once again at the water, trying to free my trapped feet.

_I'm going to die here!_ I realized, my eyes landing on my fingers as I drew them back to my body.

They were as blue as the color that surrounds me now... _Stained!_ I realized as I rubbed the tips together, ridding my skin of most of the tint. _My fingers aren't cold anymore!_

_Neither are my arms... My legs..._ Realization came slowly as I shifted my weight in the water, my body warming as the circle of blue stained my clothing, and any skin that was visible to me. _I've gone crazy!_ I thought to myself as I allowed my legs to bend slowly, submerging the still frozen top half of my body until the water was at my chin. _Yup! Crazy!_ I confirmed as warmth took hold, seeping through my clothes, heating the aching muscles and joints I hadn't been able to feel moments before.

My teeth still chattered noisily, but my body was warming quickly, steam now lifting off of me as I stood, my eyes wide as the blue began to move outward, away from me and back towards the dock. The foul odor returned almost instantly, and my breath caught as I covered my mouth with my hand, determined not to inhale fully this time.

Listen...

The word came again, and I stilled, my eyes closing as the drone took hold of my thoughts, pushing them aside until there was nothing left but the low mournful song.

Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song...

Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song...

Sorrow took hold as the words became clearer, their meaning lost on my physical mind, but I was well beyond that. I could feel myself floating now, my feet suddenly free of the sucking mud, but I didn't dare open my eyes for fear of it not being real. _Was it meant for me...? My parents calling...?_

Look...

It came as a command, and though my reflexes reacted in time to squeeze my eyelids even more tightly shut, it was no use. They opened freely as if fingers had pried them into a widened position, my muscles frozen against the automatic desire to blink. I had no choice but to look straight ahead, everything else hazy at best, even when I turned my head. I saw it, and recoiled inwardly, bile rising in my throat as the rotten fish smell hit me full on. A hand floated just under the dock in an upright position, its fingers curled, and blackened at the tips. Once again my legs refused to moved when I wanted them too, my body now warm, but frozen to the spot I still held in the shallow water.

Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song...

The drone took hold once again, pulling at my chest as if it meant to rip my heart free of its encasement. Sorrow settled somewhere deep within me, and blossomed, pulling on the place that had yet to heal from my parents' death. It was impossible that I was feeling another person's pain, but somehow I knew it wasn't mine. The tears were mine however, and I wiped my cheeks self consciously, unable to stop the sadness that now claimed every fiber of my being.

Help me...

_The voice!_ I finally realized, my body snapping free of the holding trance as I rushed forward now, the foul odor forgotten. Whoever it was wasn't dead. I could see movement the closer I got, the man's almost submerged head bobbing with the waves my body created as I moved towards him.

"Sir!" I called now, my voice panicked as I stopped just shy of reaching distance, afraid to bend down and inspect his condition. "Can you hear me?" I tried again, my voice much lower than I'd intended it to be. "My name's Alana... Alana Cassidy..." I paused, shaking my head at how ridiculous I sounded.

Here I was trying to give a formal introduction, while he lay dying...almost drowning in a shallow grave.

"I'm... I'm going to get help... I'll be right back... Okay?" I asked now, my words sounding just as unsure as I felt.

There was no response. From where I stood, I could see that the hand that I'd spotted was not floating, but actually caught in a mesh bait trap, the rusty wires poking every which way, scratching his skin raw. His eyes remained closed, but I could see his lips move as I bent further down, taking a step backward just in case he tried to grab for me. He was trying to speak to me, I realized, already dreading the notion of having to pull him out of the water. The smell was definitely coming from him, and I'd begun to smell it well before finding the river. The water tasted of it, so I could only imagine what the rest of his body would look like if I dragged him free. _A shark could have eaten his whole lower half... Or a wild animal could have dragged him here and left him for dead!_

My thoughts grew wilder and wilder every second I stood there debating on what my next move should be. Guilt shot through me as I looked back towards the woods, and then to him. If I left him here, he could die before I returned with help. I had to at least get him out of the water.

"I'm going to go for help, but first I need to see where you're injured," I explained quickly as I splashed forward, my hand reaching for the edge of the dock to support my weight and his. "Im going to pull you out of there... Tell me to stop if I'm hurting you okay?" I instructed, my heart flying into an erratic beat as I lowered myself in the water once again.

It was even warmer beside the dock, but I didn't have time to question how it could be below freezing outside, yet almost steaming hot where I now stood.

"Wait..."

It was the first words I saw and heard him speak, and I froze as his eyes opened, his head turning slightly so that his electric blue eyes locked on mine.

"You heard my song..." he stated, but I knew he meant it more as a question, his brows furrowing as he took in my surprised face.

"I'm going to help you..." I explained again, extending my hand for him to take.

"I shouldn't have called to you... It's not meant for me to be saved... I thought you would end this..." he whispered now, his voice dropping with a ragged rush of air as he struggled to breath.

"You're...delirious... As soon as we get you help..."

"I'm not like you..." he interrupted me, his eyes shifting from cool to cold as he fixed his gaze on me again.

I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. Once again I was frozen, my legs refusing to move the second my mind screamed DANGER! with matching alarm bells attached.

"I can't be helped... Not by your kind..." he added slowly, his gaze dropping away from me as he shifted in the water.

A splash further under the dock made me jump, and I lowered to my chest, looking to where his feet may be.

"Look sir, either I leave you hear to die while I go get help, or you at least let me get you out of the water, and I promise I will come back as quickly as I can with people that can take you to a hospital..." I explained quickly, my eyes scanning the water's surface around me for a sign that there might be something else in the water.

He was obviously ill and injured. Arguing with him would be futile if I planned to run all the way back to the house and come back before sunset. I had no idea how I'd even ended up here, and I wasn't even too sure I could find my way back once it was dark.

"Come on," I crooned softly, reaching now until my hand settled on his elbow, just below where the trap held fast to his arm.

He didn't resist as I pulled, his weight heavy, but lessened by the water as we moved slowly backwards. The smell was overwhelming the second we moved, the foul odor sticking in the back of my throat and forcing me to gag as my reflexes kicked in.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled shamefully as his eyes opened slowly, his lips pulling at the edges into a hint of a grimace as he looked up at me.

"A dying fish..." he murmured as I staggered backwards in the sucking mud, my footing almost lost as his breath washed over my face.

"Ex... Excuse me..." I stammered now, unsure of if I'd heard him right.

"I'm..."

"You... You have a tail!" I screamed as my back hit the bank of the creek, my hands releasing his forearm as I scrambled sideways, out of his reach.

His body was still almost fully submerged up to his chest, but there was no mistaking the splash that had rocked a tiny ripple of waves away from us the moment before.

"You... you... you..." I stuttered, unable to pull my frantic thoughts into one cohesive sentence.

I had to be seeing things. My eyes blinked and blinked again, as he flopped sideways, his tail rising slightly out of the water before disappearing again below the surface.

"Don't be afraid... Please..." he whispered, his uninjured hand reaching for me as I fell backwards into the shallow water.

What I'd excused as slime from the dirty river water, was actually a thin webbing between each of his fingers, slick and shiny from the blue color that coated them.

"Please..." he said again, his head turning so that our eyes met and held. "I won't hurt you..."

I don't know why I hadn't noticed before, but his skin was not skin at all, but a layered membrane of fluorescent blue scales that seemed to be peeling free of the partially exposed tissue underneath. His face was almost completely bare of the crescent shaped covering, baby smooth despite the mud and grim that had layered there, undoubtedly from his stay under the dock.

"You're... You're a fish?! A... A..."

"Jonas..."

"A Jonas...?" I asked stupidly, wracking my brain, for any species of fish I'd heard of in the Jonas family.

"My name...is Jonas..." he breathed heavily now, his words labored as his hand lowered back into the water.

"You're human, but you're not... You're a... a...fish..." I stammered as I righted myself again, the water growing colder as I moved further away from him.

"Yes... and kind of..." he eyed me warily now, his chest heaving with the effort of just those three words. "You called me sir... but I'm Jonas..." He explained as if I were a child, his tone forced, but patient as he took in my defensive stance.

"No... I meant..." I stopped, shaking my head at the absurdity of it all.

I was in the middle of the woods, standing in waist deep water that should have been freezing, but wasn't, looking at a real live merman. It really didn't matter that he hadn't understood what I meant by calling him sir.

"Jonas..." I began again, shifting my weight, so that I didn't look as if I was about to run, even though I was. "Where did you come from? How is this real? Mermaids... Mermen..." I corrected, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment even though his expression hadn't changed. "...They aren't real. They're fairy tales, stories, myths..."

I trailed off, lifting my hands as if the answer would be placed there and understanding would be granted by the gods.

"In your world...yes...we are just that I suppose..." he answered slowly this time, his eyes heavy with sorrow as he found my gaze again. "In Altonia...where I come from...there are no humans. You are actually the first I've ever seen... a fairy tale, story, myth..." he echoed me now, his shoulders seeming to shrug, though I couldn't tell with the bobbing of the waves his tale created when he shifted.

"It's just...a little much..." I sighed heavily, my hand going to my forehead as I scanned the woods behind me again. "I was out here looking for my... my...dog..." I suddenly remembered Jezebel's escape, and the reason I'd been out in the woods for so long. "...And then I saw that blue color..." I trailed off, pointing to the electric blue shade that filled the area around him.

"My essence, it's what makes me who I am..."

"Jonas of Altonia..." I murmured softly as he paused, taking in the deep cuts that ran across his chest and shoulders.

Where I'd expected his flesh to be wrinkling and pruned from being in the water under the dock for so long, it was smoother than mine...gelatinous to the touch I realized as I rubbed the remainder of the sticky goo from the palms of my hands.

"So I guess the police or an ambulance is out of the question..." I thought out loud now, shivering from the cold that had begun to claim my skin once more. "Can you walk...?" I asked suddenly, the idea taking hold before I'd had a chance to think it through.

I could only imagine the publicity it would bring to the Pernickle's farm if I reported this, but I couldn't leave him here to die. _If I could just help him get well enough to swim back home..._ Hope plummeted as he shook his held slowly in response to my question.

"In the stories, once mermaids... mermen..." I corrected myself again, moving closer so that he didn't have to turn to see my face. "Once out of the water...their tails turn into...well...legs..." I stammered now, heat rushing to my cheeks as his brows lifted in amusement.

"You are not like the humans in our stories... Vile, and cruel... Only looking to kill or steal from us..." Jonas mused, his eyes closing as he spoke in a hushed tone. "Altonians have never been permitted to go to the surface. What you say is partially true from what I've heard... Once out of the water, there is a spell we can cast that will change our tails into human legs until we return to the water, but that is not where the problem lies. The salt of the sea is what sustains us. Just as your body is made mostly of water, ours is comprised mostly of salt... sea salt. Without it we grow weaker by the day... Our organs fail, and eventually death. It's what I've been sentenced to. You can not help me," Jonas shook his head once, his eyes remaining closed as he allowed his head to sink partially under the water's surface.

I wanted to ask what he meant... There had to be a reason he was so far from the ocean if it wasn't permitted. _Was he in trouble...?_ The thought deepened into more questions that I didn't have the answers too. The only way I would find out is to get him someplace other than where he lay in the water against the shallow riverbank.

"I'm going to have to leave you. There's a four-wheeler back at the farm where I live. I'll have to get it, and come back. I can't carry you," I explained, my teeth chattering with the effort as I forced my legs to move back towards the bank.

"You still want to help me...?" Jonas murmured, his words heavy as his tail lifted slowly, turning him so that he was on his stomach facing me.

I gasped without meaning to, taking in the condition of his back before my eyes landed in horror on his questioning face. There the odor emanated upward, his flesh laying open and browning around the marred edges in a design so intricate that I couldn't imagine what had done this to him. His essence, as he called it, ran thick and blue from the longer cuts in his back, each of them more than an inch in length, and probably just as deep. It is what had stained this portion of the river and the creek, taking with it the rotten odor of his decaying flesh.

"I...I...don't know if I can, but I still want to try," I whispered now, the words forced as I tried to hold back the hot tears stinging my rapidly blinking lids.

"I don't have much time, and I've never tried the walking spell..."

"I'll help you... I'll come right back..." I promised now, swiping my shoulder across my tear stained cheek as I brushed my fingers across his brow.

They were stained a shimmering blue as I drew them away, and I sighed in relief as the warming began, sending a stinging pain through my hand.

"Take as much as you need. You won't last much longer in this cold..." Jonas nodded before I could protest, my mouth falling open as he inched a little closer, so that I wouldn't have to come further into the water.

"What do I..."

"Rub it on your skin...over your clothing...under your nose and around your mouth. Liquid fire is one of the names your kind has given it... It can be used for many things... My mother told me a story once where a mermaid gave her essence to two human children that had fallen from a boat. She saved them from the icy waters of the Atlantic, and broke Altonian law by bringing them to shore. They were nearly frozen, and she knew that she would not be allowed to return to her family, so she sacrificed herself...coating them in her essence. Legend has it, that in turn, the children saved her life also, and she now lives in the human world as their mother. I don't know if it's true, but... you stopped shaking when you were closer to me," Jonas noted, his words thin now as he struggled for another breath. "Maybe if I save you first... you will then in turn be able to save me."

It was more than I'd hoped to hear, and with it, revelation finally came of what his essence could truly mean at this moment.

"Yes... yes...!" I agreed in understanding, thinking back to the blue that had surrounded me, coating my skin in a fine layer. "But...will I hurt you?" I asked, eyeing the gaping wounds on his back and shoulders.

"I am beyond pain at this point. Take what you need..." Jonas answered as his head sank lower into the water, his face entirely submerged from my view.

I wasn't sure if he did it to keep from screaming, or if being underwater helped him breathe easier, but I didn't want to keep him waiting any longer than he had too. I slid my fingers across his back gingerly, careful not to get too close to the openings of the cuts. The liquid came away easily, thick and sticky on my hands, sending a trail of immediate warmth throughout my body, though I hadn't begun to spread it yet. I coated the top of my head first, rubbing as much of it as I could into my scalp, not knowing if it would do more good than harm. My mother would have chided me for not wearing a hat in this weather, saying that most of the body's heat was lost through the head, while my father would have disagreed entirely, warning me that the feet is to be kept warm the longest. I hoped in this case that she was right, and it would help keep me warm the entire way home. My face and neck were next, and then my clothes, my body now sweating as I backed away from what looked like a floating corpse.

"Jonas...?" I questioned softly, letting the tips of my fingers rest against the base of his skull as his body turned over in the water, his cheeks drawn taut by the grimace that he held.

"Go..." he exhaled on a single breath, his eyes never opening to look at me again.

"I'll be back," I promised, swiping at the blue stained tears that dripped freely onto my equally stained coat.

"I'll be back..."
The Guardian

I'd always wondered why there was a window in the bathroom. The shabbily made curtains hanging at odd ends, across the rectangular cut of glass, would normally have been drawn tight, pinned with my one and only hair clip, but I hadn't had the energy to move that far past the tub once I'd crawled into the hallway bathroom of the Pernickle's home on all fours. In my head I knew, though my nerve endings were no longer conveying any feeling to my hands or fingers, the exact amount of pressure needed to turn the knobs of the cracked ceramic tub to the on position was all I had left. Some of my darkest moments I'd spent in its porcelain cast, soaking away the load of never ending pain my body encompassed from my parents' deaths. It is where I lay now, my eyes partially closed to the sun's waning light shining through that window -only a few moments after I'd found my way home.

I wanted to imagine it all to be a dream in which my mind had finally succumbed to insanity. No one person should have to endure the turmoil that my life had been placed in over the last five years, but yet here I sat, still shivering from the cold that seemed would never let go of my bones, but still alive. Face partially submerged, eyes hollow as I continued my blank stare of confusion. The woods waited in the dark recesses, my dreams only a moment away if I allowed them to close in. Somewhere on the other end Jonas called for me to come back, his song haunting me, even within the lopsided walls of the Pernickle's farmhouse. I could hear it just as clearly as if I were standing waist deep in water again, only inches from him.

There was no time for sleep. I could already hear footsteps moving down the hall, and I owed Roman an explanation that I hadn't yet begun to figure out. I froze as a soft sigh sounded beyond the closed bathroom door, Roman's voice muffled, but concerned as he called to me.

"Alana...?"

"It's...it's...me..." I answered back, my teeth biting my lower lip to keep them from chattering together.

No one had been home when I'd gotten in, and I'd assumed that Roman had either called the police to report me missing, or went to search for me.

"Do you know how worried I've been! Do you know what I thought!?" Roman questioned now, his concern suddenly replaced with anger.

"I'm hungry..." I heard Shelly's voice whine from further down the hall, and I breathed a sigh of relief when he moved away from the door without waiting for an answer.

There was no point in telling him the truth now. I had to go back.

**********

"Where were you?!" Roman's questions started the moment I entered the kitchen the next morning, my eyes on the twins as they too cast worried looks my way.

I'd fallen asleep in the tub the night before, and had woken up freezing in the ice cold bath water long after everyone had gone to bed. I'd hoped that a little rest would help clear my head, but my dreams had consumed me, visions of a dying Jonas and the woods too vivid for me to get much sleep at all.

"I got lost in the woods... I went to look for Jezebel... I thought..."

"You did what!? Why? It's hunting season Alana, you could have been killed!" Roman interrupted me, his fist slamming down on the kitchen table in frustration.

"I didn't plan on getting lost. I just started walking. I thought maybe..." I paused as Roman stood from his chair now, his eyes running from my still damp head, down to the tips of my fingers.

"What's in your hair? It looks...green almost... And it's on your fingers too..."

"Cheap shampoo... I'll have to wash it again..." I shrugged to help the lie flow more smoothly, curling my fingers into a fist so that he could no longer inspect the blue color that still tinged my nail beds.

"We can talk about it on the bus... You owe me a better explanation than that. In the woods...all day...and all night..." His eyes narrowed as he studied my face further, my eyes dropping before he could ask his next question.

"You ARE going to school today aren't you...?"

"Get you coats... The bus will be here in five minutes," I instructed the twins, ignoring the hardened expression Roman's features had settled into.

"Fine, I'm staying here with you then..."

"No! I mean...no Roman...please. If we're both out of school how would that look?" I corrected quickly, my plans for the day threatening to fizzle out before I'd even gotten started.

"This will be your third day missing. It already looks bad. The school will notify them you know... What aren't you telling me Alana?" Roman asked, grabbing my wrist so that I had no choice but to step closer to him.

My lower lip quivered as he lifted my chin with his index finger so that I had no choice but to look directly at him. There was genuine concern in his dark brown eyes, his face soft again as he waited for me to tell him something other than what I'd just said. I couldn't stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks, my shoulders heavy from the events of the last twenty-four hours. I wanted him to know. I wanted even more for him to go back with me, but I knew he would never understand. I'd made a promise that I intended to keep, and so I lied again, pulling from his hold before he could embrace me fully.

"I want to go visit my parents' grave today. I know I just went..." I rushed on, turning to help Shelly into the coat she handed me. "...But once Martin & Jo are back, I might not get to go again for a while. I've never had company with me... I...they..."

My voice broke as the lie rolled free, shame twisting my gut as more tears fell. I shouldn't be using my dead parents as an excuse. If they could have heard me...

"I understand... I guess..." Roman nodded slowly, confusion etched across his partially covered brow, but his head nodding in understanding. "Lana..." He touched my shoulder now, his words soft as he leaned close enough so the twins couldn't hear. "You don't have to do this alone forever. I'm always going to be here for you. I know it hurts...but if you ever need someone..."

I nodded as his words trailed off, knowing that it was the most sincere anyone had ever been to me since my parents' death. There was no time for me to respond. Like clockwork the sound of our bus's squealing brakes reached us in the kitchen, signaling that it was nearing the bottom of the hill and would be at our driveway any moment.

I wanted to push the wide lick of his stick straight, chocolate brown hair away from his eyes and tell him not to worry, but he'd already unconsciously tossed it aside as he backed away from me, his face full of unasked questions.

"Ranger...?" I thought to mention as Roman reluctantly headed for the door after the twins.

I'd assumed that Roman had kept him in his room the night before, but thinking about it now, I hadn't heard him cry all morning.

"Already gone. He spent the night with the babysitter. She called to say he was running a fever, and she wouldn't mind keeping him so that you could get your homework done."

I watched as he shrugged, more guilt piling on with the fact that I hadn't been here to take care of the baby.

"We'll talk tonight... I promise..." I murmured softly as the door clicked shut behind him.

I had all day to think of what I would say to him later, but I only had eight hours to locate the keys to the four-wheeler, find my way back to Jonas, bring him back here and hide him before the bus brought them back home. The list continued to grow in my head as I made a mental note of supplies I wanted to try and find in Martin Pernickle's shed. I only hoped that Jonas was still alive.

**********

The woods weren't as easy to maneuver through on a four-wheeler as I had thought it would be. The old wooden sleigh I'd hitched to the back of it made it even tougher, dead vines and fallen branches catching in the worn blades so often that I almost left it where I stopped for the fifth time to pull it free. The thought of Jonas's decaying body laying against mine on the way back was enough for me to drive on, stopping another three times before I finally ran across the creek I'd found the day before. I silently thanked my father for teaching me to leave markings every fifty paces or so when we hunted.

_Every hunter can get lost in his own back yard if he doesn't pay attention..._ He had warned time and time again when I'd grumbled about having to stop and tie the little orange markers we carried on every hunting trip. I hadn't had those little orange markers on the way back, so I'd used my clothing instead, starting with my gloves, and then my scarf, working my way down to only the thin t-shirt and leggings I'd worn under the heavy sweater and jeans. The items I would collect on the return trip home, but for now I was grateful that they still hung frozen to the tips of various tree branches pointing me in the right direction.

My breath caught as I rode alongside the creek, careful not to let the tires get too close to the muddy edge. I was a little further down than I had been when I'd first discovered it, but the scent was unmistakable, stronger and even fouler than I actually remembered it. My heart sunk as the dock finally came into view, my eyes scanning the water's surface for a sign of Jonas or the blue color that had ran so vividly through it the day before. His mourning song continued to echo in my head, but I knew it was only the memory of it, pulling me as it has pulled on me all last night. _Maybe I'd scared him with the motor_ , I realized, braking immediately and switching off the ignition.

"Jonas...?" I called from where I sat, listening intently for anything that sounded like an answer.

Silence continued, unbroken, with the exception of the occasional call of a bird or a chattering chipmunk. My footsteps where plain to see all around the bank, some set deeper in the melting snow than others, but all mine. _He hadn't walked away so where was he?_ I wondered as I climbed from the four-wheeler, casting a quick glance behind me to make sure I was all alone.

"Jonas...?" I whispered again as I reached the dock, kneeling so that I could look underneath the rotting planks.

My stomach heaved, bile rising in my throat before I could hold my breath against the stench that greeted me. There just beneath the water's murky surface, hidden mostly by the dock, I caught a glimpse of his face, fully submerged, as was his body.

"Jonas..." I tried again, breathing only through my mouth as I knocked on the side of the dock with my hand.

He's alive!

I sighed in relief as a tiny splash sounded underneath me, a little further down the dock. His body turned slowly, still fully submerged, but more visible as he pulled himself along the river's bottom, out into the open.

"Give me your hand," I instructed, leaning as far over as I could, without actually getting in the water.

For a moment it seemed as if he'd heard me, his injured arm still caught in the mesh trap, reaching, but settling before it lifted the short distance to the surface. I'd hoped that I wouldn't have to get wet again today, but I'd planned for it, packing an extra change of clothes in the backpack I normally carried my books for school in. I tossed it aside now, removing my coat, and Jo's borrowed turtleneck sweater before I lowered to the edge of the dock, my booted feet resting just on top of the water. There was no bracing myself for the chilling shock that immobilized me the second my legs and waist were fully submerged, the top half of my body curling against the cold that claimed me as I fought to stay upright.

I was les than two feet away from where Jonas lay on the bottom, but unlike yesterday, there was no warmth waiting to heat my chilled skin as I approached. His essence, as he called it, was barely visible now, the water around him so murky, that it nearly swallowed the thin trails of blue outlining his body. My skin crawled as my fingers brushed his outstretched hand, the outer coating of slime making it difficult to grasp his wrist as tightly as I needed to pull him closer to me. I had no choice but to wade further in, my entire body shaking from the cold as I straddled him, careful not to let my water laded boots scrape across his injured back.

He moved easily at first, his weight lifted by the water as I moved him slowly towards the bank, but our momentum was short lived as his body began to drag along the bottom, bringing forth the first sounds I'd heard from him since I'd arrived.

"Just a little closer..." I crooned now, failing miserably at hiding the repeated gags that seized my throat as his head lifted to the surface.

His electric blue eyes were now a murky gray, clouded over so that the whites were no longer visible when his lids opened fully. His stare was blank, his face translucent enough that I could see the myriad of deep purple veins that ran beneath. _What are you doing?!_ I questioned myself now as I fell against the bank, breathless from the effort it had taken to get him partially out of the water. I had no idea what kind of medical attention he would need, or if there was even anything I could do to help him. He'd said that he needed the salt of the ocean to survive, and the only thing I'd been able to find that came close was a stack of Celtic sea salt blocks that Martin Pernickle kept hidden in the back of the shed for deer season. I'd seen him carrying the big square blocks into the woods, but never knew what they were until I'd stumbled upon them while looking for gas for the four-wheeler. I had two of them dissolving in a lukewarm bathtub full of water back at the Pernickle's house, but how I would get him there and into it was another issue entirely.

"I'm...I'm going to have to drag you..." I stuttered now, my teeth chattering so loudly that I doubted he understood me. "I'll back the sleigh up as far as I can, but if you can help..." I trailed off as his eyes closed slowly, his body slack again.

There was no rise and fall of his chest to let me know that he was still breathing, but with him partially out of the water I could now see three tiny slits just below his rib cage on either side. They expanded open every few seconds, releasing a trickle of electric blue fluid down his sides and into the water. _Gills...?_ I wondered with a shake of my head, crawling up the bank and out of the water.

He'd come around again by the time I backed the four-wheeler up, close enough for the sleigh to hang partially over the edge, but there was no response when I explained to him how I planned to get him on it. I expected to hear a scream of pain once I started dragging him by his wrist up the root covered embankment, but he didn't make a sound. The rope that I'd brought with me, I looped around him once I had him laying vertical against the bank, the other end I wrapped around my own waist for leverage, lifting with every bit of energy that I had left. He was much heavier than I'd expected any man to be, and my back protested as I struggled against the pull that threatened to send us both tumbling back into the shallow water.

"Hold on..." I managed to grit out, more for myself than to him, knowing that he was in no condition to even try and help me.

I pulled and pulled again, turning away from him so that I could dig my heels into the soft ground, inching him up until the top portion of his body lay at the back of the sleigh. Stars dotted my eyes from the strain of lifting so much weight, but I'd made it this far, and was determined to get him up and off the ground. Jo would surely question where her comforter had disappeared too, but it had been the only blanket in the house thick enough to cover the rough wood. I hurried now, throwing it over him and then using the corners to flip him over so that his weight pinned it down. His head lolled to one side, now on his belly as I dragged him the rest of the way up, falling to the frozen ground as soon as the tip of his tail appeared at the banks edge.

My chest had erupted into a fiery burn, sending shooting pains through my sides and back as I struggled to catch my breath. My clothing had all but frozen on my body in the cool winter air, stiff and hard as I struggled to free myself of them from where I lay. I was surprised to find my skin tinged blue and purple, numb to the fact that I'd probably been in the water much too long. It took everything in me to tip toe through the snow on bare feet, the cold threatening to claim me at any moment. The sweater and coat that I'd shed, I donned first, followed by Martin Pernickle's borrowed coveralls and thick wool socks. It wasn't enough to warm me instantly, but I felt less chilled as I pulled on the dry pair of borrowed rubber boots I'd found in the shed.

Jonas remained unmoving as I wrapped him tightly in the comforter, rolling him side to side until I'd gotten the rope securely tied in place. The sleigh was low enough to the ground that I only had to get his shoulders up and onto the edge before I used the top loose portion of the thick blanket to drag his body into position. He was heavy enough that I didn't worry about him falling off, but I knew we would never make it back through the woods the way I'd come in. It had felt like only a couple hours since I'd left the house, but a quick look at my watch told me that I was already four hours in, and only had another four to go before the twins and Roman would arrive on the bus.

I had no choice but to follow the creek, well past the Pernickle's property line, ending up on the perimeter of a neighboring cow pasture before I could safely maneuver the four-wheeler back in the direction of home.

"Just a little longer... We're almost there..." I whispered as the drone of Jonas's song caught in the wind, low, but no longer mournful.

Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song...

*********

Even with all of the doors and windows open in the house, the smell was overwhelming. A trail of blackish blush liquid stained the newly scrubbed kitchen floor, from the back door all the way down the hall to the bathroom where I'd discarded the ruined comforter. The salt blocks I left to dissolve in the tub were mere lumps by the time I'd wrestled Jonas into the water, his body filling and overflowing what I'd considered to be an oversized bath. His tail hung limp and lifeless over the edges, its fanning tip brushing the bathroom floor. He remained in the position I'd left him an hour before, his head propped against the pealing pink tiles, his arms folded over his chest. I'd hoped that he would have come around enough to talk, but his eyes hadn't opened since I'd gotten him out of the river, and I worried now that they wouldn't again. I had less than an hour before Roman would be home, and I knew there was no lying my way out of this one.

I was too exhausted to clean after I finished preparing the Pernickle's bed for Jonas, putting on fresh sheets, and setting up the nightstand with anything medical I could find in the house. It wasn't much, but I'd managed to locate a first aid kit under their bed that contained two huge rolls of gauze, antibiotic ointment, and salve. Alcohol, I found in the bathroom, and a needle and thread in the junk drawer in the kitchen. I'd never sewn a stitch in my life, but from the looks of some of the cuts on his body, he would need some sort of stitching to keep from loosing any more of his essence.

From where I sat on the bathroom floor, I had a clear view of his face, and for the first time I realized that he wasn't really a man at all, but a boy about my age, no more than a few years older. Where pain had been etched into his exotic features, they were now relaxed, peaceful almost. His hair was stained a dark hue of blue, undoubtedly from floating in his own essence for so long, but I could tell that once dried it would be much lighter than it looked now. It was hard to imagine him smiling with his face set so seriously, high cheekbones and a strong jaw line boasting his masculinity.

My eyes wandered lower as I observed him, slowing over the cuts on his chest as I counted them, losing track at fifty. There was no need for the blush that crept into my cheeks as my gaze fell to his waist, but I blushed still the same as I took him in. Just at his hips, his flesh suddenly deepened in color to an emerald green. There, the patterned shape of the scales intensified, coating his torso, hips and lower region in a thick shell, shaped like a mermaid's tail. If he had legs within, I couldn't tell, the lines smooth enough that I could almost imagine the sheer power the muscles within it held when he was healthy. It was massive, spanning wider than his entire body at the top, thinning near the bottom, but still flat and wide.

I wasn't sure why it mattered, but I didn't want Roman to see him how he was now, dirty, and covered in the grim and sludge of the river bottom. His cuts needed to be cleaned, and his body washed. I had a brand new salt block sitting in the hall, ready to be put in the tub, once I ran some fresh water, but first things first. My legs cursed me for forcing them out of their relaxed position so that I could retrieve a towel and washcloths, but I ignored the pain, anxious to see Jonas awake and talking again. Somehow I'd become his guardian, drawn to him by something I could not yet explain, and although I'd did my best to rescue him, it still called to me, wanting more. He was mine and mine alone to save, and even if I wanted to, I was past the point of letting go. Roman would just have to understand.

**********

"Eat you food please," I asked again, nodding to the half full bowls of soupy oatmeal sitting in front of the twins.

Roman had been avoiding me since the bus arrived, leaving his backpack on the front porch, before heading out towards the cow pasture. I watched out the window until he became a dark spot against the snow, wondering if he was leaving me here, like he'd thought I left him. My nerves were shot, snapping at the twins through their homework, and now through dinner. I had nothing else to offer but the last scoop of oatmeal, which I'd watered down to make enough for the two of them. My stomach growled uncontrollably now, tiredness and hunger sapping away at energy I no longer had.

"Can't we have chicken again...?" Shelly asked, plopping her spoon down into the bowl so that some of the liquid splattered on the table in front of her.

"That was probably a one time thing. I'll figure out something else for dinner tomorrow," I promised with a wary smile, nodding to Thomas to take a bite of his own food.

His face balked at my instruction, but his eyes lowered from mine as he picked up his spoon to take a small sip of the liquid. I looked to Shelly, silently begging her to do the same without an argument.

"If I have to eat oatmeal again tomorrow I'm going to scream," Shelly announced as she shoveled a spoonful into her mouth, pretending to gag on the flavorless oats, some of it dribbling down her chin.

Had Martin or Jo been sitting here, I might have laughed at her proclamation, agreeing with her wholeheartedly. But my stomach was so empty; I would have killed to have a bowl of the murky liquid to fill it with.

"Finish up, I'm going to go grab a washcloth, so I can get you ready for bed..."

"But I want a bath," Thomas whined now.

"And I have to pee!" Shelly chimed in, her eyes narrowing as she looked past me, down the hall. "Why can't we go in the bathroom Lana?" she asked for the fifth time since I'd banned them from going in there this afternoon.

"I told you it's broken, and I'm waiting on Roman to get home so he can fix it," I explained with a sigh, standing on shaky legs to stretch out my aching muscles.

"But I just have to pee..."

"You can use the other bathroom then," I insisted, grabbing Shelly's arm as she jumped from her chair.

"We're not allowed..."

"You are tonight. Just this once..." I added as Thomas's eyes widened at my mention of the "other" bathroom.

The only other bathroom in the house was in the Pernickle's bedroom, and none of us were allowed in there. They, just like Roman and I before this week, had never seen the inside of the Pernickle's bedroom and had assumed that we would never live to tell about it if we ever did. I watched as Shelly's eyes lit up at the prospect of going somewhere forbidden, relieved that her attention was now away from the "broken hallway bathroom". Thomas, I left to finish his dinner while I led Shelly down the hall, holding my breath in anticipation of the foul odor that would certainly be stronger now that I'd closed all the windows and doors. Her nose wrinkled as she looked up at me, her gaze briefly holding on the bathroom door as we passed, but she didn't question the smell.

"Hurry," I instructed as I let her into the Pernickle's bedroom, pointing towards the opposite end of the room, in the direction of the bathroom.

I waited until she went in and shut the door before heading to our bedroom to grab pajamas for both of them. I needed them sleep as soon as possible so that I could go check on Jonas and talk to Roman when he got home. _If...he even comes home..._ The thought settled heavy and panicky as I went about my nightly duties, tucking Thomas in, on his cot, and then Shelly. Ranger was spending yet another night at the babysitters, still sick with a high fever. I knew she doubted my ability to take care of him, and I didn't argue when she called again today, explaining that it would be better to keep him out of the cold. It was one less headache for me, even though I couldn't help but miss him. I'd pretty much become his mother here at home, and this was the longest I'd ever went without seeing him.

Halfway into the second bedtime story, I finally heard the familiar thump of the front door closing. The twins had fallen asleep before the end of the first book, but I'd continued reading, hoping my presence in the room would help them stay asleep. Thomas, I never had to worry about sleeping through the night once his eyes closed. Shelly was the lighter sleeper, often waking up two or three times, after I put her to bed, just to make sure I was in the room. I could hear Roman pad into the kitchen, his boots apparently left at the door, so as not to make any noise. His next stop would probably be the bathroom, and I scrambled now, hoping to head him off before he reached it.

"What is that smell?" he asked, his hand over his mouth as I met him in the hall.

"Where did you go? I was worried," I answered, ignoring the question as I pointed towards the kitchen. "I owe you an explanation..." I gestured, hoping that he would turn and let me follow him to the table.

"Lana..." he sighed as he pulled on my outstretched hand, leaving me with no other choice but to take another step towards him.

Cold clung to the damp clothing he still wore, sending a chill down the narrow hallway as he shifted from one foot to the other, his hair falling across his eyes as he looked down at me.

"You look...awful..." he whispered with a slight smile, his chocolate brown eyes sweeping my face in concern. "...And beautiful," he added when my mouth opened to protest, his index finger on my lips as I closed them in surprise at his words.

My belly flip flopped as he pulled me into the kitchen behind him, away from the awful smell in the hall and the bedrooms. Something had changed since the morning, and I almost wished that he were still mad at me.

"I'm sorry you were worried," he murmured as he turned around, pulling me into his arms.

"You're in a good mood," I tried to joke as he did a tiny slow dance number with his feet, causing us both to sway from side to side.

"All this time...all we've had is each other. If anyone understands me, and knows what I'm going through...it's you. Sure I'm younger than you...by this much," He joked now, heat flooding his cheeks as he struggled to get the rest of what he wanted to say out.

"Roman...don't..."

"I love you Lana..." he blurted out before I could stop him, his eyes closing as he let his head fall back. "I was so angry with you because I thought you'd left without me. But...you came back, and it took me all day to realize that you came back...for me...for us..." Roman trailed off as his head lowered again, his eyes shining as he caught my gaze, his hand tightening around my waist.

"Roman...I do love you...but..."

"I love you too Lana," He whispered, his mouth covering mine in an awkward kiss that I tried not to push away from.

My hands slid to his chest and stopped, my body almost betraying me at the feel of his hardened muscles beneath my fingertips. I pressed firmly, but my head was locked into place by the hand that had somehow crept up my back and behind my neck.

"Roman!" I exclaimed when he tried to deepen the kiss, his tongue pressing against my lips, searching for an opening.

"You said..."

"I do love you, but like my little brother Roman..." I whispered, my hand covering my mouth as he gave me a pained looked.

"That's all I am... Your little brother?" he spat out, his brown eyes growing cold as he gave me a once over.

"You're more than that, and you know it. Roman please..." I grabbed his arm as he tried to move past me, tears dotting my eyes as he whirled on me.

"What the hell is that smell?!" he demanded now, changing the subject, and causing my heart to leapt even harder in my chest.

"That's what I was going to explain to you. In the woods yesterday, I found a man...a boy. Well I mean...he was hurt...he needed me...but I couldn't tell you until now, but I didn't think this was going to happen..." I stammered, my words tangling together as I fought to keep my hold on his arm.

"Wait...you found a boy? A little kid...a teenager... He's here? Is that the smell?" Roman demanded answers now, his eyes finally resting on the blackish blue marks smeared across the kitchen floor.

"Roman...please don't be angry...let me explain..."

"He's in the house?!" Roman roared now as he jerked away from me, his eyes following the trail from the kitchen, down the hall.

"Wait don't!" I cried as I ran after him, scooting under his arm, so that my body blocked the bathroom door. "Let me explain first..." I pleaded, my hands on his chest, useless as he pushed past me to try the locked bathroom door first.

I'd locked it from the inside, but the knob could be picked with a simple bobby pin, definitely not as complicated as the lock on the Pernickle's bedroom door. Roman's key was a toothpick he had tucked behind his ear, my desperate struggle, no match for the strength he had in one arm as he held me aside.

"Oh god!" he choked out before the door had opened fully, the smell overtaking the tiny hallway in a rush of warm air.

I slipped in front of him as he doubled over, dry heaving a few times before trying to straighten, his mouth and nose now covered by his shirt. The smell wasn't nearly as bad as it had been before I'd cleaned Jonas up, washing out every wound, and changing the slime filled water of the tub several times before I was satisfied I'd done the best I could. I braced my right hand on the edge of the sink, the other gripped firmly on the door as I took a stance I hoped looked intimating.

"You're going to listen to me first..." My voice trembled, as I chanced a glance over my shoulder towards the tub.

What I saw there startled me, my arms going slack as Roman took the opportunity to push me backwards into the bathroom by my shoulders.

"What the hell is that?!" he exploded, jumping back through the door, his arms reaching to pull me with him.

"Roman, Roman, Roman...Please!" I cried as he ran to the Pernickle's bedroom, already knowing what he was going for.

_He would kill him before I even got the chance to explain!_ Tiredness gripped the thought, my effort to shut and lock the bathroom door, thwarted before I'd gotten my hand on the knob good. Roman burst in, knocking me to the floor as he cocked Martin Pernickle's loaded shotgun we'd found behind their bedroom door during our search.

"He's not dangerous, he can't hurt you!" I screamed now, scrambling across the floor to throw myself over the tub, so that Jonas was blocked from the tip of the barrel.

"LANAAAGH...!" Roman's voice was raw now, his teeth gritted as he roared my name in frustration.

"Roman...Please... Please just listen to me!" I begged through an onslaught of tears, panic shooting through me as Jonas stirred beneath me.

"Get away from that thing Lana before it kills you!"

"He's my friend! He's not going to hurt me! He's my friend...!" I repeated through a throat numbing sob as my hands slipped into the water, my fingers curling in remembrance of the feel of Jonas's essence on my skin. _He lived!_

I hadn't gotten more than a glance, but I knew the moment I saw him, that he wasn't going to die. He lay soaking in a pool of electric blue, brighter than what I'd first witnessed in the creek. His scars, still very much visible, had lightened around the edges, blackness receding away from the opening of each cut. _Somehow...I'd saved him...Somehow I'd..._

"You found him Lana! He's not even human! He's a freak!" Roman screamed as he jabbed the tip of the gun against Jonas's tail causing it jump from the floor on reflex.

"Don't do that!" I shrieked now, throwing myself at Roman in a tumbling roll, my wet arms dragging well behind my propelling body.

I had nothing left, but I was ready to fight Roman for Jonas. He'd somehow become a part of me. In the span of the last twenty-four hours: finding him, saving him, watching and waiting, praying for a miracle...I'd heard my own song. My parent's death had killed something inside of me I hadn't realized was dead until now. I needed to live again... I needed to let go, so that when I got out of this place... I _could_ live again.

BOW!

The gun fired and I collapsed, my scream lost somewhere in the noise as the room shook from the explosion.

"Oh my God Lana!" Roman's voice called from somewhere beyond the ringing in my head. "Lana!" Roman's screams were muffled, his hands mauling my body as he tried to flip me over when I didn't responded immediately.

"I'm fine!" I croaked when he grabbed my face, my eyes opening slowly to find him straddling me, his nose inches from my own.

"The kids..." I whispered as Shelly's cries reached my ears, Thomas's following almost immediately.

I watched as he nodded, pushing aside the gun we'd accidentally set off in our struggle.

"Jonas!" I cried now, trying to sit up despite the full weight of his body pressing against me.

"...It's fine.." Roman muttered as he gave Jonas a once over, his eyes holding over my shoulder, instead of looking back at me.

"Roman...?"

"Do you love him?" Roman asked suddenly, pushing his weight back so that he knelt on either side of my legs.

I saw in his face that he felt betrayed; he thought the worst of me.

"Roman...it's not like that...I promise..." I whispered, pushing myself back and away from him as I sat up.

His eyes lowered so that his hair covered his lids, hiding the tears I'd already seen.

My gaze slipped to Jonas's face, holding and staying there as the room went suddenly still. The old and current aches of my body disappeared, leaving me feeling weightless when I turned my body so that I was facing the tub.

"It sure looks like that..." Roman muttered, rising to a stand before backing out the door.

I never heard it slam, but I knew that it did from the whoosh of air that hit my bare feet. I wanted to explain... I wanted him to understand...but I couldn't move. I couldn't go after him...I didn't want to. My fingers reached without me telling them to, the tips brushing the smooth baby skin of Jonas's face.

"Hi..." he whispered, his eyes glowing a brilliant blue as he caught my wrist lightly.

Warmth swelled through me at his touch, his essence trickling along the bare skin of my arm and disappearing under the sleeve of my shirt. My mind had frozen, unable to form any words other than what he'd just said.

"Hi..."
Allies

"How is this possible...?" I managed to whisper as Jonas's fingers trailed along mine, smearing the blue color of his essence in thin spiny lines along my skin.

Where his tail had once been, most of it flopped over the edge of the tub onto the floor, long muscular legs sprouted from the now opaque water, pale white and hairless, each cocked at an odd angle. I watched a smile touch his lips, his eyes leaving my face for a moment as he took in his new appendages.

"Legs..." he murmured in wonder, shaking his head as his toes wiggled back and forth.

"Roman...my brother..." I sighed as I looked around the bathroom for the first time, noting the spray of silver pellets imbedded in the wall behind me.

"He fears me..." Jonas stated, his gaze now holding mine as I nodded slowly.

"I didn't get a chance to explain how I found you, and why you were here. He was just trying to protect me, but I thought he was going to kill you... I attacked him and...."

"The noise..."

"The gun," I supplied as his brow wrinkled in confusion.

"I remember the woods...and then nothing...and then salt...not like the salt of the sea, but I could feel it running through me...strengthening me..."

"Celtic sea salt blocks..." I nodded, pointing to the unopened one I'd stashed in the corner. "My foster dad uses them to lure deer in. He hunts them," I explained, realizing by the expression on his face that he had no idea what I was talking about. "I put it in the water...I didn't know if it would work..."

"I have a lot of healing to do, but my essence is building again," he smiled now, letting his fingers drop into the thick blue liquid he soaked in.

"Is it like blood? You're losing a lot of it..." I pointed out, my eyes settling on what had once been clear water that filled the tub.

"When injured, our bodies push our essence out through the wounds, healing them from the inside out. It regenerates on its own, but I have to be in salt water for that to happen..."

"You were in the river...fresh water..." I murmured more to myself than to him, trying to piece together his story.

"There is a lot I must tell you," Jonas sighed now, his head resting against the wall of the tub.

"Do you have to stay in water now that you have legs?" I asked, smiling as he unconsciously wiggled his toes again.

"In my world, human legs are only in the story books. I've never known another merman who's made the change and come back to tell about it. This is all new to me too..." Jonas admitted, his shoulder drooping. "I was trying the spell when I heard the noise. My grandfather is a mersorcerer...the only one of Altonia. He's been training me since birth to take over for him. He taught it to me when I was a child, but forbade me ever to use it. I couldn't remember the words, and then...it's like something exploded around me...jolted it into remembrance. The next thing I know my tail was gone and..." He paused, his injured hand lifting from the water to gesture at his feet.

"I removed it...cut it off actually," I explained as he took in the deep grooves the mesh trap had left along his forearm.

"I would like to stand..." he said suddenly, a twinkle in his glowing eyes as he looked at me. "I don't know how long the spell lasts, and I want to at least be able to say that I walked once," he laughed now, the tone low and melodic as if he were humming.

"I have a bed ready for you...but wait!" I cried now, the fog clearing from my head as he tried to lift himself from the water.

"You're...you're naked..." I blushed now, my cheeks instantly hot as I averted my eyes from his bare thighs. "Plus, I doubt you know how to walk...it's not as easy as it looks," I reasoned, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Do you not look at each other's skin?" Jonas asked, his eyes curious as he searched my face, his gaze dropping to my clothing.

"It's not that..." I trailed off, wondering how I would explain such a simple thing to him. "Here," I changed the subject, grabbing the towel I had ready from the sink. "I'll turn around and you hold on to me. Pull yourself up, and then wrap this around you waist," I instructed, blushing again when his fingers brushed mine.

I didn't know what waited for us beyond the bathroom door, and I motioned for Jonas to stay quiet once he was up and out of the tub. Roman had left the shotgun behind, but that didn't mean he wouldn't get another weapon and come back. The hallway was clear, my bedroom door closed from the twins prying eyes. I assumed that he was in there with them, so I wasted no time getting Jonas from the bathroom to the Pernickle's bedroom, halfway carrying him most of the way. It was going to be a long night. I needed him to explain how he'd come to be lying under a dock in the Kennebec River, dying, and he needed me to help him survive while he was here. We were allies.

**********

"You're getting better," I laughed as Jonas took another wobbly step forward, his hand gripped in mine as he attempted to cross the few feet from the wall back to the bed.

We'd been practicing for over an hour, me holding him up as he toppled over repeatedly, his balance thrown off by the unconscious sway of his body. Even upright his motions were flawless and smooth as if he were swimming, his back arching every few seconds as if he planned to dive right into the floor.

"Don't..." I reminded him again as his arms extended as if to propel us both forward. "We're not in the water," I reminded him gently, smiling as he shook his head in frustration.

"This wasn't in the stories..." he murmured, his concentration on his bare toes as they inched across the floor.

"So what happened in Altonia...?" I whispered, not wanting to throw him off guard, but desperate for answers I thought I would have by now.

"It's a long story..." he sighed as we reached the bed, his newly grown legs trembling with exhaustion as he sat down, almost pulling me with him.

"We have all night. I'm staying in here with you," I nodded to the chair I'd placed beside the nightstand.

As much as I wanted to sleep, I didn't trust Roman not to kill him once he had the chance. I'd have to wait until they were at school before I could even think of closing my eyes.

"You may look at me differently once I tell you how I came to be in the river..." Jonas finally said, his eyes lowering as I took a seat in the chair beside the bed.

"Whatever you have to say...it won't stop me from helping you get back home..."

"I can't go home..."

"But why...? I don't understand..."

"I'm not a pure breed..." Jonas interrupted me, his fingers curling into a fist that now rested on his thigh. "In Altonia, it's all about your lineage. There's royalty and peasants...same as the stories here. My family line has always been poor, absent of any pure essence you might find in a merman born royal. It means that we serve for the greater good of Altonia. My father was one of the king's guards, and so was I."

"You're not anymore?" I asked, noticing the pained expression on his face as he pulled himself back on the bed until he rested against the headboard.

"My father is dead, killed in battle...I've been banned, but it wasn't supposed to happen like this..." Jonas trailed off with a shake of his head, his electric blue eyes growing dull as he looked at me finally. "My grandfather is a sorcerer; the only sorcerer that Altonia has, and so he is protected. My mother died giving birth to me, and once my father died, he took me under his wing, teaching me everything I would possibly need to know to take his place one day. Except, this is forbidden by the king. There is only one sorcerer for a reason. We are a calm people, living on what is given to us by the sea. Magic of the water world is only used for good, and used very sparingly as it interrupts the entire lifecycle of this earth, affecting human and merman alike. Because of this, I've performed very few spells, and was assigned my father's position as part of the king's guard once I was old enough. I was happy there, working, and doing my duties for Altonia. But I was reassigned within the king's court. His daughter...Zerrin..." he paused as the name slipped from his lips a heavy sigh following as his gaze lowered again. "She requested me. I...I...loved her..."

I watched as his hands covered his face, sliding up through his hair and then back down again, leaving a smudge of blue on either palm. The silence between us stretched as I waited for him to continue, not quite understanding what he was trying to tell me.

"At first, we were just friends. I was the only one her age allowed in the king's court. But...I fell in love...I couldn't help it. Her essence...so pure...so...beautiful. It was like a hum through my veins when I was near her, and when I wasn't...it was as if my own essence was suffering. I could never have hurt her," Jonas shook his head now, his eyes already pleading for me to believe him. "She wanted to see the outskirts of the city. She'd never been before; so I cast a spell of shadows, hiding her from the other guards so I could sneak her out of the court. I thought we would come right back. My life was on the line for even granting her that one small wish, but she wouldn't listen. Once we were beyond the city's limits she wanted to go further...to the surface...just to see."

"And it was forbidden...?" I asked now, recalling pieces of what he'd told me earlier.

He nodded his answer, shaking his head again before continuing.

"Padigonia, the colony of the Pacific has been waiting for a chance to get back at Altonia for their lost king. They blamed us for not coming to their aid in the war with the frozen ones..."

"Wait...wait...slow down..." I stopped him, my hand on his leg as I tried to put together the pieces. "Padigonia...? There's more than one mer colony?"

"There are three: Altonia of the Atlantic, Padigonia of the pacific, and then Artonia of the artic...the frozen ones. At one time, we all lived in peace, the three kings: Triton, Poseidon, and Arcon ruling over the colonies. Triton is my king. Poseidon is now dead, and Arcon wants his kingdom. With Triton gone, there's no one to stop him. Padigonia is full of chaos now that their king is dead. He has no seed to take to his place, and his brothers continue to argue while Arcon steady closes in on us. Triton saw that we were no a match for the frozen ones, and so he forbade all Altonians to go beyond the city's borders. It was safer that way."

"So...Zerrin...what happened," I nodded, anxious for him to continue now.

"She wouldn't listen. The city limits weren't enough for her. She wanted to see the surface... I tried to bring her back... We fought, and then she disappeared... I thought she was hiding from me, but then I saw it...a frozen one. He was hiding just under the entrance of a sea cave. I tried to call to Zerrin, but it was too late. He grabbed her when she tried to come out. He never saw me, but I watched him rip her to shreds, spilling her essence into the sea as if it were nothing," Jonas spat out, his fist slamming down on the bed.

"So she's dead...?" I whispered as I watched his face, his eyes sparking a brilliant blue as he met my gaze.

"I'm the only one who knows she's dead. I went back to Altonia for help, but the alarm had already been raised. The king's guard was all over the city's perimeter performing a search. They questioned me and I told them she ran from me, that she must have been taken... I feared for my life, so I lied..."

"It wasn't your fault...not entirely," I murmured, trying to console him now.

"It was my fault! I never should have cast that spell. I never should have let her leave the court. The king was furious; he blamed me, just as all of Altonia blames me now. They think the frozen ones have her, and I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth. It was my responsibility to guard her, and I let her get out of my sight."

"But your injuries," I pointed to the cuts that had greatly improved in appearance in the last hour, some of the smaller ones barely visible now that they had closed. "You heal fast..."

"Which is why I couldn't stay in the ocean. The salt preserves what fresh water takes away.... Publicly I was sentenced without a trial, banned to the outskirts of the city, destined to wander alone until Zerrin was found. Privately...King Triton did not trust my story. He knew I was lying, and he was out for revenge. He had me thrown into a bottomless dungeon, my fate to be decided by the creatures that live within its darkest recesses...scavengers mostly...nothing to worry too much about unless you're already dying. It's the Jelly fish that prepare the way...their reach alone makes four of me, their sting so deadly that I wouldn't have survived without a coating spell my grandfather taught me. I didn't know how to use it properly, and by the time I figured it out, I was almost dead anyway."

"So how did you...?"

"Get out?" Jonas finished my question, with a shrug of his shoulders, his eyes growing dark now. "My grandfather...he came for me under the same spell that got Zerrin killed."

"The spell of shadows..."

"I didn't want to leave him there. If King Triton knew that he released me... I couldn't risk being caught by any of the guards. I had to leave the city...leave my grandfather behind. It was too much... It killed me to lose her, and I wasn't about to lose my grandfather too. I wanted to die, but I was too scared to do it myself. Swimming into a sharks nesting place would have been easy...too easy a death for me; so I swam until I couldn't swim anymore. The more energy I burned, the less time my essence had to replenish, so instead of getting better, the stings got worse, becoming infected once I found myself in fresh water. I could have turned back, but...where would I have gone? Zerrin is dead, and there is not sort of magic I know of that will bring her back..." Jonas trailed off, his words catching as he looked at me oddly, and then away as if he were embarrassed.

"So, hiding under the dock...was a suicide attempt then...?" I asked, still slightly confused. "...But your song...you called to me. _Meant to die, banned from my home, help arrive, please hear my song..._ " I whispered the words out loud, a familiar fog clouding my thoughts as I watched him watching me.

"You misunderstood... In our stories, humans only want to hurt us. If they find us, they kill us...that's what I wanted. I felt your presence near, and I was tired of being in pain. Not only was I losing my essence, but I was also being eaten alive, and had no way of getting out of the water. I thought you would see me and..."

"Kill you...!" I gasped in understanding now, my hand covering my mouth as he confirmed with a nod.

"It's what I wanted then...but now...I'm not so sure..."

I was at a lost for words as I processed all that he'd told me. He'd never meant for me to save him...never wanted it, but now that I had, where would he go...

"You're not supposed to do that you know..." Jonas murmured softly, snapping my empty gaze back into focus so that our eyes were locked.

"What...?" I asked now, his humored expression lost on me.

"Look into a merman's eyes...you're not supposed to do that. It's one of our defense mechanisms... It..."

"Draws you in..." I answered for him now, noting the pull I felt every time our eyes locked.

It almost made me feel like crawling into his lap, and wrapping my arms around him. The fog in my head...the bubble that had circled around me in the river...the pull was coming from him and I hadn't even realized it. Where human eyes were a steady pigment, opaque in whatever color your genetic makeup designed, his were restless, the waves of the sea almost visible in the sheer blue. It was almost...electrifying... I decided as the hairs on the back of my neck raised, my mind growing fuzzy as I continued to lose myself in the deep blue pools.

"I have told you everything of me, yet you have told me nothing of you, Alana... Cassidy..." he paused as he said my full name, the words coming more as a tingling sound that anything else.

"You remembered..." I smiled as he broke our stare, heat rising in my cheeks once I realized that I'd been leaning on the bed, almost between his legs.

"Where to start..." I sighed now, the pain of my parent's death gripping me before I'd even begun to speak.

"We have all night right...?" Jonas asked before I could continue, patting the space beside him on the bed.

I only hesitated for a moment, guilt shooting through me as I thought of Roman and the twins. _I would check on them in the morning... Give him time to calm down..._ I decided as I crawled into place beside Jonas, careful to leave enough space in between us so that our legs didn't touch. He nodded as I looked up at him, tears already brimming my lower lid as the weight of the last two days settled around me.

"It happened five years ago, but I still feel like it was yesterday..."
The Proposition

"Tell me you didn't sleep with him," Roman's voice caught me off guard as I slipped into the darkened hallway, my hands grabbing for the wall as I tripped over his feet.

"What are you doing on the floor!" I hissed as I righted myself, my hands going over my heart in surprise.

"Waiting for you to scream I guess," Roman shrugged now as he shifted his position, pulling himself slowly to a stand. "You were in there all night... It's almost time to get the twins up for school," Roman commented just as the alarm went off in his room, signaling that it was indeed time to wake them up.

"How dare you ask me something like that!? I told you...he's just a friend," I whispered now, pulling him away from the Pernickle's door, just in case Jonas wasn't really sleeping.

I hadn't meant to stay on the bed with him all night, much less fall asleep on his chest, but it is where I had woken up, my body buzzing from one nerve ending to the next. His eyes had been closed when I slipped off the bed, but I doubted that he had slept through the bumps in the hallway.

"Well did you?" Roman asked, his tone accusing as he pulled my arm so that I faced him.

"No I didn't sleep with him Roman. He's injured, and...and..."

"Not even human!" Roman reminded me, his tone harsh as he swiped at a patch of blue that had dried across my forearm.

"You wouldn't understand..."

"Well explain it to me Alana... Explain how you brought a stranger into this house without even telling me first. Explain how I've become the bad guy when I've done nothing but try and stick up for you. Explain how..." he trailed off suddenly, his lips pressed together in a thin line as I looked up at him.

"I can't explain it..." I sighed now with a shake of my head, going over the story Jonas had told me the night before. "All I know is that I was meant to help him...and I'm going to," I added before he could protest, my hand already on the knob of my door.

"He can't stay here..."

"I know that..."

"So what are you going to do with him then..."

"I'll figure it out...today...I promise..." I stammered, regretting the words as soon as they'd left my mouth.

I had no clue what I was going to do with Jonas. Roman was right. Once the Pernickles returned from their trip, we already had hell to pay. If they found Jonas here...

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Roman asked, changing the subject as he held a wrinkled envelope up in front of my face.

"You opened it!" I accused, snatching the letter away from him and turning it over.

"The twins opened it; they found it under your mattress..."

"You read it then...?" I asked, my heart leaping in my chest as I pulled the single piece of paper free.

"You're being adopted Lana. That's what this trip is all about. Your parents' house finally sold, and all their belongings... The money is yours once you're eighteen...unless..."

"Unless the Pernickle's adopt me, and they become my legal guardians..." I whispered as I skimmed the page, my hands trembling uncontrollably. "They can't do this! I'll be eighteen next month!"

"Which is probably why they made this trip in such a hurry..."

"Expedition of Adoption... Hearing date..." I paused swallowing hard as I counted the days in my head. "...Today...oh God...I think I'm going to be sick..." I muttered, dropping the letter to the floor as I ran to the bathroom.

"Go away!" I moaned to Roman as he followed behind me, closing the bathroom door behind us.

"Once you're eighteen you can fight...get the money back...go to college..."

"By then it will all be spent. Look at how they live! They probably can't wait to ditch all of us and take off!"

"Well you have to try...it's your money Lana, not theirs..."

"I don't care about the money Roman... I don't want to be adopted! I don't want to be...Alana Pernickle..." I spat out, my stomach heaving at the thought of Martin Pernickle legally becoming my father.

"So what are you going to do...?"

"I don't know Roman! You've had longer to think about this than I have!" I snapped now, wiping dripping from my mouth before splashing cold water on my face from the sink.

"I'm only trying to help..."

"Well... I think you've helped enough!" I shouted now, my anger misplaced as I gestured wildly to the pellet ridden wall of the bathroom.

"If that's how you feel..." Roman whispered, hurt evident in his tone as he backed towards the door. "I wasn't trying to hurt you Lana..." he said as he opened the door, stepping into the hallway again.

"Roman..."

It was too late; he had already disappeared into his room, his door slamming before I had a chance to go after him.

"UGH!" I screamed now, kicking my foot against the wall before storming back in to the bathroom.

_How could they do this behind my back? This had to be illegal right?_ The questions kept coming, all of them blackened with anger at their audacity. I'd done everything they asked of me... I fought the tears, but they came hot and fast, blurring my vision as I looked at myself in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes greeted me, my normally silky smooth, strawberry blonde hair tangled in a mass about my head, tinged with streaks of blue. Darkened bags had begun to form just under my cheekbones, giving me a homeless appearance.

Run Away...

The words barely registered, my mind too numb to form a cohesive thought through the rage that was building inside me. I couldn't stay here another three months as their child. The thought sickened me, causing bile to rise in my throat as I remembered all the threats Martin Pernickle had promised to make good on. Once I was legally theirs, there would be no need to hide the bruises... They could get rid of me, and no one would ever know any different. No one would come looking for me...

It was more than I could handle. My arm shot out, my fist slamming into the mirror before I thought to draw it back. The mirror shattered instantly, sending a million tiny pieces of glass spraying across the sink. I closed my eyes to the pain that now ran from the cuts across my knuckles, up my hand and settled into a throb in my arm. The light at the end of the tunnel I'd been stuck in waned as I saw my future away from this place slipping away. They would never let me go...

**********

"Go away..." I moaned, my voice cracking as I forced the words out.

I don't know how long I'd been sitting on the bathroom floor, my legs cradled to my chest in an attempt to hide inside myself. My lids were heavy, sleep going and coming in patches as I sat there weighing out my options. Roman would want to come with me, and I already knew I didn't want him to. I had a cousin in Florida I used to be close to. Her parents might take me in...

"I said GO AWAY!" my voice raised now as another bump sounded against the bathroom door.

"Alana...?" Jonas's voice reached me, muffled and soft from the hallway.

"Come in," I sighed, moving my feet away from the door so that he could enter.

I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone. Roman hadn't come back in to check on me. I'd heard him leave with the twins over an hour ago, undoubtedly going to school, which is where I should have been, had my life not been turned upside down in the last week.

"You didn't come back, I got worried..." Jonas explained as he inched his way into the bathroom, using his hands to hold him upright.

"Rough morning..." I muttered, fresh tears slipping down my cheeks as I lowered my head back between my legs.

"I kind of heard... The Pernickle's...your guardians...?"

I nodded as he paused, confirming that he'd heard correctly.

"They want to own me..." I explained in the simplest terms I thought he would understand. "They didn't even tell me," I sniffled now, fighting the sob that threatened to break free if I kept talking.

"You don't want to be here... For them to own you..."

"No...I have to go...before they come back... I'll never get away once it's done..."

"Salt...?" Jonas asked when I paused, a heavy sigh on my lips as I finally looked up at him.

"You're...gray!" I exclaimed as I took in his appearance, his skin a translucent hue of bluish gray.

"Apparently the spell doesn't last that long," he smiled as he looked down at his legs, scales already starting to form in a thick layer over his feet, ankles and calves.

"Get in the tub..." I instructed, pulling myself to a stand.

I needed something to do that would take my mind off of the Pernickle's and my parents.

There were only a few more salt blocks left in the shed, and I had no money to buy any more. If I didn't figure out a plan for Jonas before I left, he'd probably die trying to get back to the water. I left the bathroom to grab my coat for the trip to the shed, hoping that he would be undressed and in the tub by the time I returned.

He was, and I was relieved to see that though most of his cuts had healed fully through the night, some of the deeper ones still emitted just enough of his essence to coat the water with a thin blue film, hiding most of his very human looking body from my sight.

"That should do it..." I said as I let the salt block settle at the foot of the tub, watching as bubbles fizzed to the surface.

"I've been practicing the spell," Jonas commented, wiggling his toes as he began to chant a language I'd never heard before.

I listened as he repeated the same phrase over and over again, moving his hands under the water until there were tiny waves washing back and forth in the tub. For a moment it seemed as if the scales thickened, hardening as they spread even wider. It didn't occur to me that he was breaking them apart, separating the connection with his skin so that they fell away into the water. Smooth pinkened flesh was immediately visible underneath, slick and wet with his essence as if there had never been anything there at all.

"You've got to teach me that trick..." I tried to joke, the humor in it not quite filtering into the words I spoke.

I watched as Jonas smiled at me, his teeth flashing a brilliant white for a moment before his face turned serious again.

"Tell me Alana, what is holding you here? Is it Roman...?" he asked, his voice low as he took my hand, pulling me so that I knelt at the edge of the tub.

He had warned me not to look into his eyes, but I couldn't help it, I was drawn to him, the pull stronger than anything I could resist physically. My gaze settled, holding his for what seemed like an eternity before I spoke, my words surprising me.

"Nothing... not even Roman is holding me here. I just don't have anywhere to go..." I admitted, shame seeping through me, even though I knew he knew it wasn't my fault I'd ended up here.

"There is always somewhere to go... Always a choice to be made...even if it isn't the one you want...or the one you can see happening," Jonas added, his words hesitant as his fingers smoothed over my injured hand, his essence seeping into the cuts on my knuckles.

My mouth opened in surprise as my skin cooled instantly, my fingers growing numb and then warm again as they sealed themselves with his essence, only a fine trace of blue left behind.

"How did you...?"

"What if I told you that I could save you from all of this...just as you saved me," Jonas whispered, his fingers squeezing mine gently as my brow knitted in confusion.

"Save me...but how...we haven't even figured out how we're going to save you..."

"Zerrin is dead... But I'm the only one that knows that. What if you could help me get home, and come with me...? Would you give up your humanity to have a different life...?"

"A different life...as in..." I trailed off, my fingers fluttering in his as I mimicked the waves he'd just made. "...As in a..."

"Mermaid...yes...but not just any mermaid... I can't go back without Zerrin..." Jonas explained, his voice so low that I almost had to strain to hear him.

"I could make you look just like her...sound like her...feel...like her," he whispered, his hands now trembling as he reached to brush a stray hair from my face.

"But I wouldn't be me anymore... I wouldn't even be human anymore..."

"No...you wouldn't...and it won't be easy. I would have to train you...if they sense anything wrong...any kind of magic at all..."

"We could be killed...!"

"Maybe..." Jonas nodded, his electric blue eyes dulling at the shock on my face. "I can't say that I would be able to protect you... They most likely won't let me near you at first... But if it works, I would be named a hero...and you... You would be royalty. A whole new life..."

"A whole new world..." I whispered, my own hand catching my throat as I let the idea play through my thoughts. "Impossible...isn't it...?"

"Not so much... I still have these..." Jonas smiled as he opened his hand so that it lay flat in front of my face.

I watched as he inched his index finger along the bottom of his palm until a flap of skin became visible, folding over as if it had never been attached at all. Five tiny light green stones glittered in the crevice of his palm, the light of the bathroom catching their rough edges, projecting a rainbow across the water.

"Gladial stones," he explained, moving them apart with his thumb. "Hard to find, and even harder to use in Altonia without being caught."

"What do they do...?" I asked, nervousness evident in my voice, despite my efforts to hide it.

"They do many things... But in your case, I could use them to seal a spell...a rebirth spell..."

"Rebirth spell...?" I repeated after him dumbly, fear gripping my chest at what I thought he would say next.

"It would be you on the inside...but the outside would be..."

"Zerrin..."

"Yes...you would look just like Zerrin. I would teach you how to be her... There would be no more Alana Cassidy... You would lose...everything here..."

"My parents..."

"Are dead..."

"But their graves..."

"Are empty..." Jonas finished gently, his hands cupping my face so that I had no other choice but to look into his eyes.

"Let me show you what it's like to be completely free with only the sea to determine your destiny... Let me use you Alana..."

It made sense. His words seeped into my thoughts and took hold, the idea becoming the answer before I'd tried to think it through clearly. I went with the pull, my body lifting and sliding over the edge of the tub until my arms were completely submerged, wrapping around him so that his essence vibrated through me.

"How...how could you change me...how could you...."

"A merman's tear and a simple bite...here" he paused, never breaking his stare as his fingers trailed from behind my ear to the dip in my collarbone.

I shuddered at his touch, my body willing it to happen before I nodded slowly, somehow understanding what he was offering.

"The change would take a few days... It could be painful... You would have to want it..."

"I do..." I whispered, my hands cupping his face as the fog closed in, his eyes the only thing I could concentrate on.

There were waves pooled there, electric blue and stormy, their color steadily changing as they crested and then fell, drawing me further in.

"You're smitten... Taken by the call of the sea... You should think about this carefully..."

"I don't need to think about it," I interrupted him with a shake of my head, the rest of my body sliding into the tub on top of him so that I was fully submerged.

His essence was the purest thing I'd ever experienced, my body absorbing the shock of being fully immersed in its call. He was right... There was nothing to keep me here; not even Roman could save me from living the rest of my life as a Pernickle. My parents wouldn't have wanted that for me...I didn't want that for me. I was hopelessly smitten, and there was no denying the pull that had claimed me. Somewhere in his eyes, I saw her, far away, but calling to me still the same.

"Make me Zerrin..."
From the Author:

Thank you for taking the time to read part I of Zerrin. I truly hope you plan on sticking around to find out what happens in part II: Bitten. This project was only supposed to be a short story, and it ended up blossoming into something way bigger than I'd intended! That's usually how it goes with this crazy wild imagination that I have, so I really appreciate you sticking around for the ride.

Please visit my website for news, updates, contest, giveaways and more!

http://patriadunn.moonlitdreams.org

Patria L. Dunn (Author of The Gifts Trilogy)

****Leave a review for Smitten: Part I of Zerrin on, shoot me an email at: patria.dunn@moonlitdreams.org saying that you did, and I will gift you an ebook copy of The Gifts, Signs & Wonders, or Revelation (your choice) from The Gifts Trilogy. Make sure you indicate which one you'd like to have! 
SNEAK PEEK: Bitten- Part II-Zerrin

Bitten

(Part II: Zerrin )

By

Patria L. Dunn
Copyright © 2012 Patria L. Dunn (Patria Dunn-Rowe)

All rights reserved
Not Myself

It was the same dream I had over and over again; the tiny voice coming through the fog louder and louder, causing the scene in front of me to blur and scatter into jagged pieces. I looked up immediately, expecting to see my parents standing just beyond the chasm I knew I would never cross, its depths reaching dark and black into nothingness; but they weren't there this time. The fog in my head grew thicker, seeping out from behind me, casting everything into shadows, so that I could no longer tell where I was. I tried calling for them, hoping that they would be there...hoping that maybe this time I would be able to ask them the question that had burned in my mind since the moment I'd looked into Jonas's eyes. _Should I go with him...?_

"Lana..."

It was Jonas's voice that called to me, the melody so sweet that I couldn't help but turn in the direction from which it came.

"What's keeping you here...?"

"My parents...they were right over there," I pointed now to the other side of the black hole, my eyes widening as Jonas appeared across from me, his hands outstretched as if to question why I was still standing there.

_He wants me to jump..._ I realized just as the grass began to give way, turning into tiny emeralds this time, my feet sliding downward before I could reach for him. The air grew thinner as I knew it would and I breathed deeply as Jonas called to me again, his song pulling me so that there was no need for me to take the leap.

I watched as the chasm widened, a roar erupting from somewhere deep below as the sides gave way, a billow of dust surrounding me just as I reached to grab Jonas's outstretched fingers.

For an instant I touched him, my feet reaching for the safety of solid ground.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

My fingers jerked free, falling limply to my side as I looked behind me in confusion, a blinding white light coming faster than I had time to move.

"No...! Take me with you!" I tried to scream as Jonas faded from view, his electric blue eyes holding mine for a moment before I started to fall.

"Lana! Lana!"

Roman's voice was panicked, his face blurring in front of me as I opened my eyes slowly.

Jonas...

" _Let me use you..."_ Is what he'd asked of me.

I was still in the tub, fully dressed, but Jonas was gone.

"What did you do to him?!" I accused as I shot straight up, blue water dotting the bathroom floor, and the front of Roman's shirt as he jumped backwards from the spray.

"You weren't at the bus stop... I came looking for you! I don't know where your boyfriend is," Roman snapped, shaking his head as he stormed out of the bathroom.

"Lana, Lana!" Shelly's squeaky voice set my head to a maximum throb, my hands covering my face as I stepped dripping wet from the cold bath water.

"You're blue!" She exclaimed as she stopped just outside the bathroom, her mouth falling open at the puddle that was spreading around my feet.

"Give me a minute..." I managed, pushing the door closed on her before she could protest.

I heard Thomas in the hall now, asking a thousand questions about me that I was sure Shelly would make up an answer for. I blocked the two of them out, flipping the drain on the tub before moving to the sink. Most of the mirror still remained, cracked from the middle and casting my reflection back at me in a jagged puzzle. My face was coated with something, and I rubbed, leaning closer as bits of it fell away into the sink, my fingers gritty.

"Salt..." I whispered out loud, rubbing harder now to free my skin of the tiny crystals.

I'd asked him to change me... I remembered that much. My cheeks grew bright red from embarrassment as I recalled how I'd ended up in the tub. I'd practically crawled on top of him...begging him. _He'd left me there...alone..._

My eyes met my reflection, studying my face carefully for any signs of change. _A mermaid's tear...and a bite..._ His words came back to me as my fingers reached for the spot on my neck I hadn't realized was sore until now. _Did he...?_

Confusion pulled through me as I rubbed the spot free of the salt that coated my entire body. Sure enough, four tiny red dots lay just inside the dip of my collarbone, barely visible. My hands shook as I rubbed my fingers over my skin, wondering how long I had left here. I needed more answers, but before I could go find Jonas, I needed a shower.

**********

Shelly and Thomas were waiting for me, as soon as I stepped from my bedroom, full of questions.

"What happened to you?"

"Where were you?"

"Roman said you were leaving us...are you?"

"Why were you blue?"

"I...I...don't know if I'm leaving yet...but I promise if I do then you won't have to stay here much longer. A couple days at the most...I promise," I nodded to them as they tugged me down the hall towards the kitchen, their eyes wide at my words.

"Don't leave us Lana," Thomas whimpered now, tiny hands rubbing his eyes.

I scooped him up, cradling his head as I kissed his cheek, sadness pulling at me.

"I don't think I have any other choice... I'm not going to let anything happen to you though..." I said now as Shelly's face fell, her chin dropping to her chest when I tried to give her a hug.

"Do you still love us?" Thomas whispered as I sat him down in his chair, pulling a stack of homework from his backpack.

"Of course I still love you... I'll always love you... I'm not leaving because I want to... It's...it's...complicated," I finally said, not wanting to go into too much detail with them.

My heart pulled as the two of them looked at each other, their hands intertwining as Shelly took her seat beside Thomas.

I didn't want to leave them, but I wasn't their mother. I hoped the letter I had waiting to mail off to the Maine Department of Social Services would be enough to get them removed from the Pernickle house, but there was no way I would know for sure if I went with Jonas.

I was drained, my thoughts too full to fit anymore questions in. I listened halfheartedly as the twins read through their assigned reading and then started on their writing worksheets. _How would I ever be able to say goodbye to them...to Roman...?_

**********

"I was just coming to look for you," I said in surprise as the back door burst open before I'd reached the handle.

The twins were sleep, and I'd checked on Jonas who lay sleeping, spread eagle, across the Pernickle's bed. I hadn't wanted to wake him, so I'd retrieved my coat and borrowed another pair of Jo Pernickle's boots, ready to go search for Roman.

"I don't trust her," he muttered as he shook a few snowflakes from his hair before unzipping his coat.

"Ranger!" I exclaimed as a small round head came into view, his chubby cheeks tightening as he gummed a smile in my direction. "He doesn't look sick at all..."

"He probably wasn't...she just wanted more money..."

"You walked all the way over there...!"

"I took the four-wheeler...you left it out..." Roman shrugged as he handed the baby over, leaving his coat to dry on the back door.

"Before you go..." I said suddenly, catching him just as he was about to leave the kitchen. "I need to talk to you..."

"You're leaving...with him..." Roman stated more than asked, his dark brown eyes empty as he looked past me, rather than at me.

"They've adopted me Roman... Do you understand what that means? I might never get out of here. Martin..."

"If he ever touches you, I would..."

"I know you would..." I nodded once, warmth spreading through my chest at the conviction in Roman's features. "...But...when you're gone..."

"You could run away with me...why him...? Why now...?"

"He needs my help..."

"So help him and let him go..."

"It's not that simple..."

"Then explain it to me Alana! Explain how that freak...!" He stopped as I cringed, my eyes lowering from his before he could continue. "...That guy..." He corrected, huffing as he said the words. "Tell me how you found him in the woods. He's half man, half fish for crying out loud! Which part of that doesn't freak you the hell out!?"

"Merman..." I whispered.

"Whatever!" Roman roared now, his hands thrown in the air. "Do you see how ridiculously crazy this is?! Do you know how much it took out of me, not to go straight down to the police station and bring them back here!?"

"He wouldn't hurt you...or me..." I tried, my voice low as I looked past him down the hall.

I was afraid that our raised voices had probably woken Jonas and he was listening to everything we said.

"How do you know? How long have you known him?" Roman asked now, his eyes narrowing as he continued without giving me a chance to answer. "How long have you known me? Why would you go with him? Where is he taking you?"

"Altonia..." I sighed out, shifting Ranger from one hip to the other.

"Al...Altonia...?" Roman repeated, confusion in his features now.

"It's where he's from...the Atlantic..."

"As in the ocean! Are you crazy!??!?!"

"Shhhhhh...."

"Don't tell me to Shhh!" Roman's voice rose another octave as he backed away from me.

"Then tell me what to do? Tell me how I won't end up dead here or miserable for the rest of my life, like you!" I screamed back now, the baby jumping in my arms, his lower lip curling downward into a pout that I knew would be followed by a long wail.

I watched as Roman pushed his hair from his eyes, his face stony as he let his gaze settle on me.

"I thought I already did...run away with _me_...not him..."

"I can't..."

"Then you've made your choice..."

"Roman...!" I cried now, my voice catching as his back turned to me, his head hung low as he stalked down the hallway and into his room.

What had I done... I wasn't this person... I wasn't myself. I owed him an apology.
END OF SNEEK PEAK!!!!

The Gifts: (Vol 1-The Gifts Trilogy)  
Nine gifts were stolen from a mythical man with wings ages ago. Those nine gifts found themselves transferred into human eggs, delved out through in vitro fertilization. These newly made beings were born into the world unbeknownst to man. There are dark spirits searching for those gifts, ready to reclaim them from the humans who have been created to bear them...

When twenty-one year old Nahla Marks decides to start her junior year at Wake Forest University as an education major instead of continuing on the path to pre-med, everything seems to fall apart. Her world is turned upside down as this strange "thing" begins to manifest within her. Nahla fears she is losing it until she meets Gideon, the man with the silky smooth voice and chocolate brown hair, who seems to understand exactly what Nahla is going through.

Gideon knows the answers, but can Nahla trust him as her body begins to betray the fact that she may not be quite as human as she thought? Will Gideon be able to save Nahla from the dark spirits that are hunting them both?

Three months ago no one even knew her name, but now, bound by a curse and on the run, there was no one else she could trust...but him.

Acknowledgements:

Cover Design: Author Christine M. Butler

(The Awakening Trilogy)

www.moonlitdreams.org

Twitter: @m00litdreams

*Thank God I met you when I did! You are an amazing person, and our friendship came along at just the right time. You are an amazing author/writer, cover designer, book reviewer, and everything else that you do. SUPER WOMAN. Thank you so much for all of your help and support!

#### Editor: Tonia Louden

*Once again, I just have to give my sincere thanks for all your hard work on this project. You've taken time out of your busy life as a wife and mother to help out a friend and I love you for that. You certainly inspired me to push forward and get it done, and I'm glad that you are a friend that I can count one. Thank you for always having my back and being there when I felt like giving up. Much Love your way and I can't wait to keep sending you more and more books to read and edit for me!

Proofreader: (Shoutout to my "bad girl") Delia Williams!

The kindness of people that I've met on the internet in the last few months, never ceases to amaze me. You have really went above and beyond anything I ever expected from a reader, giving me excellent feedback, and helping me make my work as flawless as possible, so that it can be even more enjoyable to others. Sending a big thank you, your way for the time you've taken out to help me become a better writer. I truly appreciate it.

Recommended Books!

The VooDoo Follies by Author Christine M. Butler

I am Seraphine LaLande, VooDoo Priestess!

Well, not quite.

In order to be a priestess I have to first successfully raise a zombie, make it do my bidding, and then tuck it back in for the eternal dirt nap it was supposed to have to begin with. Of course, being me, things don't go according to plan. The trouble all started when my zombie ran off into the night...

It's funny how one mistake can change your life forever. That one zombie led me to new friends, new love, and... well... everything that came in between.

http://voodoofollies.moonlitdreams.org

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-VooDoo-Follies/103509293083597?sk=app_197602066931325

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Contact the author at:

Patria.dunn@moonlitdreams.org

