 
# THE BLAKE SOUL

by

I.C. Camilleri

First Edition

Copyright 2012 I.C. Camilleri.

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved.

I. C. Camilleri has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, to be identified as Author of this Work.

Published in the United Kingdom. All rights reserved under International Copyright Law. Contents and/or cover may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, save those clearly in the public domain, is purely coincidental.

#  Dedicated

To Mum and Dad for loving me.

To Brian for being there.

To Luke and Sarah for filling my heart with joy.

To Josielle for her infectious enthusiasm.

# TABLE OF CONTENTS

TITLE

DEDICATION

THE BLAKE SOUL

Prologue

Dreams

Premonitions

Confessions

Guardian Angel

The Library

Arrivederci

The Tall Dark-Haired Man

Plan B

Giving Destiny a Helping Hand

The End Justifies the Means

Coming Home

Bleeding Wounds

Ben

Jealousy, Revenge, and Desolation

Fair Warning

Sphere of Control

The Clap of Thunder

Hanging by a Thread

Accepting Mistakes and Moving On

Watched

The Black Notebook

Impossible Decisions

The Lull before the Storm

Wise Solomon's Choice

Conflicting Emotions

The White Cell

Vindictive Twist of Fate

Stopping History from Repeating Itself

The Blake Curse

# THE BLAKE SOUL

#  Prologue

"... Don't you even think of giving up, you can't leave me, I will not let you leave me...." she cried as she fell across his bloodied chest.

He looked at her face all twisted in agony. He reached out and touched her hair. He had always liked the feel of those soft curls slipping through his fingers. He tried to smile. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that it was all right, she would move on without him and would someday find her happiness, but he could not find enough strength to say what was on his mind. His breathing was failing. The pain was unbearable.

He had never seen this coming, but again this world was never meant to be his.

He looked up at the cloudless blue sky as his life flashed before his eyes. He was grateful for every second of it. It was much more than he ever deserved. He was happy. He smiled. He let go of her hair and closed his eyes....

#  Dreams

She grimaced as she stepped on the escalator and ruminated over the dramatic changes in her life. She leaned on the handrail and sadly glanced up at the opposite escalator going down, and her eyes met the intense stare of a stranger. He looked at her with a puzzled expression, raw emotion on his face. He managed a dazzling smile as they drew up level but she lowered her gaze. She reached the top of the stairway and turned round. He was still looking at her, his dark eyes searching deep within her soul. He seemed to toy with the idea of going back up, but then he pulled his baseball cap further across his eyes, turned his back on her and was lost amongst the bookshelves on the lower floor.

Maria Conti shrugged and switched her mind back to her sorry thoughts. Up until two months ago her life had been smooth and ripple-free. Everything she touched in her twenty-four years of existence turned to gold. She was blessed with beauty, brains, cunning and most importantly, a loving tight-knit family. She sailed through school life and effortlessly aced her medical degree from St Joseph's College in Cambridge. Three years on she achieved what very few would achieve in a lifetime. Her relentless hard work and fierce ambition led to an important breakthrough in her cancer research project. And her good fortune extended beyond her career. She was engaged to her boss, Rob, the striking medical director of one of the most prestigious hospitals in the UK. She was in love and their lavish wedding preparations were in full swing.

But this steady golden road made a very sharp U-turn when both her parents were killed in a tragic skiing accident. She was devastated, her only consolation being her elder brother Max, but he too moved on and returned to his life. She might have continued to struggle on had she not found out that the man she was about to marry in a month's time was having a casual affair with one of her colleagues.

Her world fell apart. Her one aim was to escape from it all, so she packed a small bag and took the first hop-on flight out of Gatwick Airport which happened to be Los Angeles. She was jet-lagged and emotionally drained with no hotel reservation. She left her small bag in one of the lockers at the coach station and headed off to the city centre. She would look for a place to stay later. At that moment all she needed was to find a bookstore and lose her painful thoughts inside the fantasy world of a good book.

****

_Josh looked around him as the familiar haunting fear engulfed him. Every fibre in his body rebelled against him being there but he had no choice, he had to endure it until his mind would drift out of his dreams and back to reality, back to his own bedroom._

_The light wind whispered in the dense trees overhead and the nearby fountain wept as the water painfully trickled down its sides. All his surroundings were sharp and vivid, and he could memorise every vein in every leaf, every crack in every cobbled stone in that winding path deep in the heart of that deserted country park. He had been to this same place plenty of times before in his boyhood nightmares. Those traumatic dreams had just faded away as he grew older, but over the past week they returned with a vengeance. Why haunt him now after more than two decades?_

_Josh looked at the nearby bench beneath the large oak tree and the strange man was there again. The tall dark-haired man had never been present in any of his childhood dreams, but for the past week he had been there, watching silently, never speaking. He had that hazy ghostlike appearance just as Josh himself had in his dream, which was a sharp contrast with his crystal clear surroundings. It was as if both men did not belong to that vivid sharp picture, they were both invading a dimension in which they could never exist._

_The tall dark-haired man just stared at him. He always looked sad and restless but that day his face was really twisted in sheer agony. He looked like a desperate man as he silently begged Josh for help. But what could be causing him so much pain? Was he warning him of some imminent danger?_

_Josh could feel an invisible bond binding him to this man and he was glad of his silent company. That park could get quite lonely at times. He knew that only too well when, as a child, he would roam about in his dreams and endure the tortured screams over and over again. But who was this man? Was he his unknown father? But apart from him being tall and dark-haired he had nothing else that even remotely resembled him._

_Josh walked over to the bench opposite the man and sat down. As he did so he touched the trunk of a nearby tree. He looked at his hand and was horrified to see it covered with bright red blood. That familiar sick feeling started to cloud his thoughts. His irrational and intense childhood fear of blood still haunted his adult life._

_"This is not real, this is not real," he kept repeating to himself. He tried to refocus on his surroundings as he desperately wiped his hands on his white shirt. It was then that he saw drops of blood on the cobbled path. He followed the trail which ended in the undergrowth. Here the vegetation had been crushed, creating a new path. Someone had been dragged off into the dense forest beyond._

_A flock of birds flew up in the air as an agonized scream pierced the silence. Josh was immobilized, he wanted to help but he could not go down that path, that same path in the undergrowth through which he had raced down in his childhood dreams. The images he had seen in that nightmare were forever locked away and forgotten, they were just dreams, figments of one's imagination and they had never come to life. He would not torment himself with make-believe images. He turned around and looked at the dark-haired man who was now crying bitterly into his hands. But Josh could not help him, he had been too late in this dream and he had done nothing to prevent those screams. But tomorrow he would be there on time...he had to be there way before five o'clock._

Josh woke up with a start, sweat trickling down his forehead. He looked at the exquisite young actress sleeping beside him, her leg hooked around his and her hand possessively draped across his chest. She was the one-night stand he had picked up at the gala dinner the night before. In reality he had wished to kick her out of his bed after all activity ceased but he had been too tired to be insolent and ill-mannered. He had just rolled over to his side and slept. He scowled and roughly pushed her away as he ruminated over the recurring vivid dreams.

He had been plagued by similar dreams all throughout his childhood, but he had only gone down the path in the undergrowth once. What he had seen must have petrified him for he had locked the images away and refused to remember them. Thereafter he stayed on the cobbled path and endured the chilling screams. He had eventually outgrown the disturbing nightmares. But why had they returned after all those years, why a week ago, and moreover, why was there the weird man in them now?

The images never changed, the only variables were the presence of the tall dark-haired man, and himself, now a man instead of a boy. Otherwise it was the same large fountain in that particular country park, and the same bench partially obscured by the same large oak tree, and the same heartrending screams. But this time he got to know the time he was expected to be there, five o'clock in the afternoon, he had seen the man's watch as he wept bitterly into his hands.

The park was not the safest in the area where drug users found a cosy hideaway between the dense foliage. There had been reports of numerous thefts, rapes and even a murder in the last year alone. Nevertheless, Josh had patiently sat on that bench for the past two days, hoping to get an explanation for the return of these nightmares. But nothing happened and no dark-haired man showed up. Were these images the past or the future, or just figments of his imagination, and who was this man? Could he possibly be his father?

Twenty-nine-year-old Josh Blake never managed to curb that angry boyhood frustration that surfaced every time he thought of his unknown father. His mother, Caris, was a successful Hollywood actress but the only thing she did for him was to bring him into the world and provide the means for his upbringing. They only met once a year on his birthday until he turned eighteen and, after that, even those painful yearly visits stopped.

Those traumatic visits would savagely tear at his heart and the passage of time did nothing to prevent the wounds from bleeding painfully again and again. Caris used that day to constantly remind him of her terrible and biggest mistake, giving birth to him. He could still see that young boy sadly watching his mother as she gave him list after list as to why he was unworthy of her love. She never hit him or hurt him physically, but Josh would have preferred that to the mental abuse he was subjected to once a year. She often bluntly told him that she had wanted an abortion but her plans had been sadly thwarted by Julie, an English nurse.

Julie had lost her husband and daughter in a car crash in the UK. She wanted to leave her painful memories behind and she immigrated to the States and started to work in a clinic where Caris was due to have her abortion. This kindly English nurse somehow persuaded his mother to go ahead with the pregnancy, and after he was born Julie cared for him lovingly and tried to replace his mother's love with her own. Josh would have been happy with that but Caris made sure that he knew all about the painful facts of his origin. He was brought up brainwashed that he was never wanted and therefore unworthy of any love.

His mother always insisted that she did not know or even care who his father was. There were so many possibilities that she did not even dare mention them. He believed her because he clearly remembered his childhood constantly tainted by the news of the wild scandals she created as a result of her insurmountable alcohol and drug addiction.

So Josh was brought up by Julie in a luxurious villa provided by his mother and he never lacked any monetary needs. Not that he lacked any love either, for Julie doted on him and there was also Aunt May, Caris' sister who was nothing like her sibling. May did not have her sister's talents when it came to acting, but she was kind, gentle and understanding. She loved him almost as much as her own son Freddie who was only six months older than Josh. She lived not very far from his place with her husband Phil and son, in a similar villa of their own with acres upon acres of land.

Josh spent every Sunday of his childhood there, playing with Freddie and Uncle Phil, but somehow those weekly visits would always depress him even more. Perhaps he saw what he was truly missing, caring parents. Uncle Phil, also an accomplished actor like his mother, always tried his best to step in his father's shoes and he taught him everything a father would have, like riding a bike and playing football and basketball. He would attend his nephew's parents' evening with Julie and was always there on every prize day and school event. Of course he would have attended anyway because of his son Freddie but Josh could still remember him clapping loudly as he received his awards even though Freddie might not have had any.

Josh would indeed wipe out all the achievement awards in his year group. He possessed a highly unique and incredible photographic memory, his brain assimilating and storing information with astounding speed and accuracy. He was reading books by the age of two, remembering every insignificant word in its correct sequence. This ability was unbeatable and he was soon resented for his success. His classmates called him 'the freak' and as he grew older he started to greatly tone down his achievements. As a boy he had this desperate need to be accepted and loved since he lacked both from his natural parents, and, having an unusually strange ability to remember every tiny detail on every page in all the books he had read, certainly would not help him integrate with others.

However the other children easily picked on the fact that he was different. When his photographic memory faded in the background they quickly turned to his sorry family life. His filthy mother and unknown father was something he could never shy away from. Josh became an introvert as he preferred the company of a good book to that of jeering, spiteful children. He would often observe others from afar and he quickly picked up the art of interpreting body language. He was often referred to as that weird, sad bastard who never ever laughed. His cousin Freddie, always his opposite, always the extrovert, would occasionally look out for him, but he too seemed to go through frequent bouts of jealousy whenever Josh was chosen in a leading role in a school play or had won all the awards. After such an event Freddie would pick on the thing that would hurt him most. Josh could still hear the nine-year-old Freddie, " _You've got no father and your mother wanted to kill you when you were just a few cells in her womb_." He had broken his nose for that.

Josh hated with a passion everything Hollywood stood for and everyone was surprised when he announced that he wanted an acting career. Nonetheless, he seemed to have inherited his mother's good looks and talents because at just twenty-nine he had already won two Oscars and starred in various blockbuster movies. His tall dark frame, perfectly chiselled features and piercing coal-black eyes turned all heads and he became one big heartthrob who everyone wanted to watch on big screen.

His scorn for all females fed by the hatred he felt for his mother gained him the reputation of a ruthless lover who, like a tornado, was not bothered with the amount of broken hearts he left in his wake. This was widely reported in all gossip magazines, but Josh didn't care. He was handsome, successful and incredibly rich and he now had the upper hand. It was those same girls who had made fun of him when he was a boy who were now fighting for a piece of his heart. But his heart was frozen and could never belong to anyone. He used women and cast them aside without a second thought. He was now referred to as that arrogant, cold-hearted, silent and sad but irresistibly handsome and talented actor. He lived in his own mind, his own sanctuary, and no one was ever invited in.

At this point in his life he should not have had that blinding obsession to discover the identity of his real father, but he could not shrug off that deep yearning. Perhaps his father did not even know that Caris had been pregnant. Perhaps he would have loved his son had he known about him. With this in mind he jumped off his bed and went to have an ice-cold shower. He would be gone by the time the girl in his bed woke up. Julie would have to kick her out and make sure she never called.

He had this irrational urge to do exactly what the man in his dream had asked him to do.

# Premonitions

It was past two o'clock in the afternoon when Josh finally parked his red Ferrari outside the run-down park and he could not help noticing how out of place it looked in that area. He wondered if it would still be there after an hour, but he didn't care. He decided to walk the short distance to the city centre. He needed something to read to kill time whilst he waited for ' _his father'_ to show up. He turned up his jacket collar and put on his baseball cap, hoping that those finishing touches would mislead people and somehow prevent the deluge of fans begging for autographs.

After an hour of browsing amongst the thousands of bookshelves he decided on the book he wanted and headed for the lower floor. It was then that he saw this girl on the opposite escalator and his frozen heart missed a beat. He felt that he had seen her somewhere before, no, not only seen her but had known her well, she had been part of his life and she had made him happy, very happy, an emotion that was completely alien to him. But he could not remember where or when he could possibly have known her.

She was nothing like the usual stunning, high-maintenance women with whom he was often associated. She was small and fragile-looking, barely five feet tall with olive skin and long curly brown hair dangling to her waist. Her tiny, delicate features were spellbinding. Her incredibly large brown eyes had a sad, faraway look and he could feel her pain eating away at his heart and he felt miserable because she was miserable. She looked up and their eyes met and he smiled, but she just blushed and looked away. He kept staring at her, trying to remember where he had seen her, and he almost went back up after her. But then she turned and looked down, giving him an odd look, and he thought against it. He turned his back on her and went to pay for the book. He had other things to do that day and so he quickly shoved the girl out of his mind.

He had no trouble finding the right bench hidden behind the oak tree and he settled down for a quiet read. ' _His father'_ would eventually sit on that very bench. All Josh had to do was to wait patiently. He was halfway through the book when the girl he had seen in the bookstore walked past him and sat on a bench some distance away. He was surprised as this was not the usual place a girl would pass through or even sit by herself, unless she was a working girl looking for her next client, but she didn't look like she was.

He observed her from a distance and he could feel that inexplicable aura pulling him towards her hypnotising presence. But she wasn't his type at all. The plain tight jeans and black modest shirt she wore looked fetching on her but they did not scream out wealth, glamour or sophistication...things his circle of acquaintances usually possessed in abundance. She was unaware of his close scrutiny, in fact she seemed totally oblivious to her surroundings as she lost herself in her own private thoughts. She finally sighed sadly and rummaged through her bag. She conjured up the book she had presumably just bought from the bookstore and a stethoscope peeped out of her bag.

"So she's a little doctor," Josh murmured under his breath.

She kept yawning and rubbing her eyes and after some time she abandoned her book and leaned her head against the bench, immediately nodding off to sleep. She had naively let her guard down. How could she possibly sleep in such a perilous environment? She looked so fragile and vulnerable. He felt this irresistible urge to watch over her and he decided that he would only go home after she left the park.

Josh continued to stare at her as the wind played with her curls and rustled the overhanging leaves. He suddenly felt his surroundings shift and change...

.....He was sucked into this cold room which was bare except for the twenty or so trolleys lining the walls. These were covered with crisp white sheets and Josh could see equally pale white feet exposed at the foot of each trolley. There was a label attached to each big toe. With a start Josh realised that he was in a city morgue. He felt panic rise deep within him and he frantically looked for a way out of the room but he could not move for the door. He heard footsteps echoing outside in the hallway. A key turned in the lock and the sound reverberated around the macabre room. Josh was relieved, whoever had come would be able to help him get out of there.

Three men filed in but no one seemed to see him standing there rooted to the centre of the room. In fact they just walked right through him. It was as if his mind was present in that morgue but his body was still sitting on that bench in that park. He must be having one of his weird vivid dreams where he was transported to this tertiary world where only his mind existed. But why the morgue?

He turned his attention on the three men. One had a white coat and was obviously the pathologist in charge of the morgue. The other two men must be poor distraught relatives identifying their dead. The first man was on the point of collapse. He was a bear-like huge giant over six feet three inches tall. There was that tiny ray of hope in his warm bear cub brown eyes, but that hope was brutally crushed as the pathologist removed the sheet covering the body they had gathered round to see. The giant fell to his knees, howling in pain.

The other man did not dare look, his worst fears confirmed by his friend's reaction. He had been completely dwarfed by the giant as they entered the room, but Josh now turned all his attention on him. He was almost six feet tall with a slender build and was immaculately dressed in an expensive and stylish navy blue suit and tie. There was deep anguish and guilt in his blue eyes as he nervously ran a hand through his fair straight hair. He took a deep breath and slowly moved forward, and he fell weeping bitterly on the corpse's hand as he slipped a diamond ring through her finger. The giant looked up and the tame weeping bear turned into a vicious wild animal as he tore the ring from her finger and threw it across the room. He slammed his fist into the fair-haired man's face and roared.

" _You have killed my baby sister. How dare you defile her body with your ring? She loved you and you betrayed her. She would never have left if you had not gone sneaking off to your lover, her best friend. I swear that you will pay for this if it's the last thing I'll do."_

The pathologist called security and the struggling men were dragged out of the room. The corpse was left uncovered.

Josh looked at the woman's face. A vast ache descended like a cold mist over his heart. His mind rebelled against his vision. He knew that the girl from the bookshop was still sleeping on the bench just opposite him; his body which he had left behind in the park could still sense her presence. Yet here she was, lying lifeless and beautiful, her long brown curls fanning her pale face. He looked at the open wound on her forehead and at her battered and bruised body, and he too wept bitterly... But the dream suddenly fragmented and changed...

He was now in this large department store and he could see himself waiting patiently on a sofa. He could hear Rita, his personal shopping assistant talking somewhere in the distance. What was he doing waiting there? He abhorred shopping, Rita usually did that and delivered everything straight to his door and he always approved of her choice of clothes. But yet that Josh was happy to be there waiting.

Rita emerged from the changing room, followed closely by the girl from the bookstore. She was alive and well, her face all smiles. The big plaster covering the right side of her forehead did nothing to diminish her innocent appeal, if anything it made her more alluring. Josh looked at her wild curls tumbling down her face and his eyes travelled down her new clinging black dress; her revealing neckline, her tiny waist and her curvy hips hugged closely by the sheer fine fabric. He swallowed hard as he eyed her perfectly shaped legs. He thought of the long slender legs of the women he usually slept with, but all he wanted was this tiny and fragile porcelain doll. He could love no other after he had seen her.

" _Josh, do you like the dress since you are paying for it?" Rita asked, breaking into his silent appraisal._

He cleared his dry throat, "Your tastes are impeccable as always, but you must admit you did have an easy job tonight because anything will look good on this young lady. Even my ridiculously large jacket looked appealing on her." He smiled as he got up to leave. "We will be back for the rest of her clothes. In the meantime we can go and have something to eat."

Rita grabbed his arm, "You are not going yet. You have to change that bloodstained shirt first."

" _I hate shopping and I have already waited for more than fifteen minutes whilst you two swooned on every dress in the department. I'm really hungry now and the dirty shirt will have to stay." Josh laughed as he bent down to kiss the older woman on her cheek, he was used to her fussing over him._

But Rita blocked his way with determination, "No client of mine is going to take such a nice young lady to dinner looking like that. So if you are hungry you had better choose the colour fast."

Josh sighed and asked the girl to pick a colour. She laughed and asked for blue.

" _What is it with women and shopping and the right clothes anyway?" he grumbled as he started to unbutton his stained shirt. He flung it carelessly on the sofa and glanced at the girl. She was blushing heavily as she flicked her curls away from her rose-red face. For crying out loud, he just took off his shirt and nothing else and she was not an innocent teenager but a doctor and she must have seen thousands of patients undress before her, so why the bright beetroot colour?_

" _I'm sorry about your shirt...and your watch. I will pay for everything when I get my new credit cards," she was mumbling as she closely examined her toes._

" _Do you really think that I am that bothered about my shirt or anything else? Just forget about it, you don't have to pay me for anything," Josh said. And he quickly buttoned up his new blue shirt...._

Josh opened his eyes. He was back in the park. The girl was still sleeping on the opposite bench and the wind was still playing gently with her long curls as they flew across her perfectly shaped face. He rubbed his throbbing head. What had just happened to him?

His overactive imagination must have highlighted the obvious truth. If he were to leave her on her own in the park she would end up in a city morgue and he must have conjured up a brother and fiancée crying over her dead body. But if he stayed, he was likely to end up in a department store with her as she chose something to wear and he would somehow have dinner with her. That was so weird, but then he had always been weird and eerie. He had accepted that a long time ago. He did sometimes get lost in his own mind, a sort of foreign world where he would roam about on his own, predicting what might happen after he had carefully studied and silently observed his surroundings. It was just pure speculation and there was nothing abnormal to it, Josh had often convinced himself.

He channelled his thoughts and purposely remembered his mother and the psychological torture he had been subjected to. That should dampen any inclination to get deeply involved with anyone. He just used girls for his own satisfaction and then discarded them the next morning. That was his doctrine. But this girl was different. She was playing with his mind...with his own beliefs and determinations...and with his heart. He liked her too much and that fact alone made him feel vulnerable. He did not want any female to break his icy covering. Besides, he would never deserve this girl anyway. No one really liked him for himself, they only endured his sulking presence because he was now famous and filthy rich.

So with these bitter thoughts infiltrating his mind, he rose to leave.

As he started to walk down the path his shadow fell on the sleeping girl and he was suddenly hit with the same sense of desolation he had experienced when he had seen her lying in the morgue. He stood in front of her bench, just a metre away from her. And he continued to observe her intently, surprising himself with the range of conflicting emotions that were playing across his frozen heart. He stood there for a long time, feeling like a sick psychopath craving for a beautiful unobtainable woman.

Then he retraced his steps back to his bench. He would not let an innocent girl die out of pure selfishness, just because he was afraid of someone touching his heart. He would watch over her till she left the park. That had been his original instinct. With him there no one would risk harming her, and after she left he could get on with his life and his eerie images. He did not have to talk to her after all.

He tore his eyes away from her and continued to read his book. He was soon so completely immersed in his own world that he did not notice three burly men approaching the girl. Her cry brought him back to the park. The hooded men had grabbed her bag and were about to dash for it, but instead of letting them go, she stood up fighting, desperately trying to retrieve her belongings. That was an extremely stupid move. She had no survival instinct whatsoever. Did she actually think that she could possibly overcome three men twice her size?

The rogues must have been thinking the same thing because one of them laughed scornfully and roughly grabbed her hair, bashing her head against a nearby tree. Blood spurted out of her forehead. She sagged and the man wound one beefy arm around her tiny waist, drawing her back against his chest. With the other hand he started to squeeze her throat as he tried to drag her off the path. She gasped for air but somehow managed to gather her final ounce of strength as she pointlessly tried to struggle out of his grip.

"Take her bag and let her go. I have phoned the police, they are on their way," Josh lied as he calmly approached them.

"Police?" the man scoffed, "that's a rotten lie." But he stopped strangling her and looked at the expensive and stylish attire of the man standing before him. "What is a rich toff like you doing here anyway? Were you looking for someone like her? You know what...I don't want any trouble with you, the four of us can share her. She won't mind, she must have come here asking for it. I can tell you that she smells really good." He buried his face in her neck and sniffed hard. "So what do you say, do you want the first go? I don't mind waiting."

There was nothing but sheer terror in the girl's brown eyes as she painfully lifted her head and looked pleadingly at Josh. He sent out a silent message of comfort which she must have read because her panic instantly receded and she slumped her head back against the man's chest and stopped her ineffective struggling. She completely trusted him to get her out of her impossible situation.

Josh looked at the blood smeared on the tree trunk. This was his living nightmare. It had eventually materialized and he knew that he had to stop them dragging her deep into the undergrowth. He glanced at the opposite bench, there was no tall dark-haired man there. He was on his own and he was the only one who could possibly prevent those echoing heartbreaking screams. He quickly analysed the situation. They looked so drunk and drugged that he hoped he could at least put one down before they turned on him too.

"Why the hesitation? Do you want to see more of her?" The man smirked as he slid his free hand under her shirt, ripping it wide open. One of his friends licked his lips, impressed by what he saw. Josh seized that moment of distraction and punched him hard on his face. That punch was too much for his fragile drunken state and he quickly toppled over.

_That was easy_ , thought Josh. _One down, two to go._

"Come on man, we've got her bag, let's go before it gets nasty," the third man said as he helped his unsteady friend off the ground. Both men scuttled away clutching the girl's bag, but the man holding her stayed put. The smell of her soft body had aroused him and he had no intention of backing off before his needs were met. He fished a knife out of his pocket and held it against her bare chest, scraping her skin off. Tiny drops of blood started trickling down. He felt invincible and omnipotent. He could so easily snap her neck in two or drive the knife through her bountiful breasts. The rich guy seemed intent on being a hero but he had no say in the matter. He could choose to either run off or share his bounty after he had had his fill. He didn't mind either way. He began to slowly inch his way off the path.

Josh went for gentle bargaining, all the time keeping an eye on the sharp knife blade. "Your friends have left, it's just you and me now and you can hardly stand on your own two feet. If it's money you need then I can pay for the girl," and he put on the bench all the bank notes he had in his pocket together with his expensive watch. He then started advancing slowly. "Come on, you can pay for a hundred willing girls with that watch and still have enough left to buy a month's supply of heroin. Give me the girl and disappear with the money before I change my mind."

The man seemed to hesitate, but then he roughly shoved her onto Josh's chest, grabbed the valuables and raced after his friends.

Josh held her close. He had that strong inexplicable feeling that this was where she belonged, that he had often held her this way and comforted her. She too seemed to have found her safe haven as she leaned heavily against him, closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest.

"You're bleeding," Josh said gently as he lifted her chin up and shifted the lock of hair covering her forehead. He gasped; it was the same open nasty wound he had seen on the corpse's forehead in the morgue, down to the last rugged edge. How had he predicted such detail? He dismissed that thought and filed it in a forgotten corner in his vast mind, he will think about its significance later. His first priority was to fight off the rising feeling of nausea and panic he always had at the sight of an open bleeding wound. The girl needed his help and this was not the time to give in to his hysterical phobia. He let go of her lock of hair. The wound was covered again.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said in a strong English accent as she tried to unsuccessfully wipe the large bloodstain on his white shirt.

"That explains it all; you're a British tourist who happened to stumble on this park without knowing the consequences of doing so. It's not a very good area unless you had intentions to entertain guys like them."

She looked up at him, something clicked and she recognised the baseball cap, "You're the bookshop guy. Were you following me? If it's a bad area then why are you here?" She gently pushed his hand from her waist, stepping away from him.

"I really don't know why I'm here," he replied honestly. He had to concentrate hard to focus on her face as his eyes kept wandering down to her ripped open shirt. In the end he adjusted her clothing to cover her bruised chest. She looked down in embarrassment and quickly clutched her shirt tight around her. She had forgotten her naked vulnerability. Josh smiled. He took off his jacket and gave it to her.

"Here, this will free up your hands." The jacket was far too large but she thankfully zipped it up to her neck.

"If you had any credit cards in your bag, you had better contact your bank and cancel them because that's the first thing they will try to use." He took her hand and led her to the bench and she followed blindly, totally forgetting her previous suspicions. He gave her his phone.

"Very posh phone, did not steal it in this park?" She smiled weakly. Her hand was shaking as she punched in the numbers, but she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and she spoke clearly to whoever was on the phone. She had no qualms about revealing all her personal details in front of Josh, who could easily have been a serial killer for all she knew.

_She really needs some private lessons in personal survival_ , Josh thought.

"So you're Maria Conti, British doctor banking with West Bank, sort code 5078, account number 836935, here for a holiday presumably without having read a tourist brochure advising which areas to avoid. Hi, I'm Josh Blake," he said when her conversation with the bank was over. He looked into her eyes to see whether his name rang a bell, but she seemed too emotional to notice and just shook his hand. She probably never went to the movies or read a gossip magazine. This pleased him, perhaps he could start afresh with no bad reputation preceding him.

"I think that we had better take care of your forehead next, it definitely needs a few stitches." He took her hand and led her out of the park. Again there was that blind trust in someone she had just met. She must have been very lucky to have survived this far or else she was too dazed with the bang on her head to consider common sense. He wondered if his car would still be parked outside. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw it; apparently it was too expensive to steal.

She slid into the passenger seat and then panic started to flood her face.

"Oh no, how am I going to pay for everything? I have no money, no credit cards, no travel insurance and no passport, and I haven't even checked in a hotel yet. I put my travel bag in the bus station lockers and the key was in the bag they stole so it seems as though I have no clothes other than the ones I'm wearing and the jacket is not even mine. No one knows I'm here. I just took the first plane out of England without telling anybody where I'm heading." She looked helplessly at Josh, large tears flowing down her face. He ran his thumb across her cheeks and wiped her tears away. He replied with what he hoped was a very reassuring voice.

"Hey that's OK. I'm going to take you to my doctor first and then sort out the rest later. I can pay for whatever you need to buy and you can also stay at my house. I have plenty of bedrooms and my...erm housekeeper lives in a nearby annexe so you won't be alone with me," he added hastily. He always hesitated what to call Julie. She wasn't his mother though it felt like it to him, and he was too old to call her nanny, so housekeeper will have to do for now. Julie's presence would hopefully make her feel more secure but he didn't think that the word safety had penetrated her conscious level yet. In any case it was either him or the park for her. He must be the better option.

"I should call my brother, he'll tell me what to do. I can't think straight at the moment. I don't want to put you through too much trouble."

"I do not have anything better to do, so it's my pleasure. My biggest hobby is helping damsels in distress so I'm glad that I have bumped into you, you certainly fit that description," he smiled as he started up the engine. "My cousin Freddie, who is a doctor, owns a hospital which is just fifteen minutes away, so if you can stop the bleeding for that long you'll be fine, don't die on me yet."

She smiled and then they were off. But the moving car was her second jolt back to reality as she realised that she was in a car with a total stranger taking her to God knows where. She looked around and fidgeted, trying to find an escape route should he turn nasty.

"What is bothering you? Did you just realise that you completely trusted a stranger and he has whisked you away in his car after you have given away all your bank details and the fact that probably no one knows that you are out here on your own? Believe me, if I wanted to take advantage of you I would have accepted their offer in the park. It was tempting but I only sleep with women if they want me to." He glanced at her and saw her cringe at his comment. He quickly moved on, "So you can rest assured, you are safe with me."

She still looked unconvinced.

"Ok, get it off your chest. Ask away, you will not offend me. Ask me whether I'm in the drug trade or the sex trade...or both. A rich man in a Ferrari in that kind of park has to be one or the other," he said with a big smile.

"How do you know what I'm thinking?"

He laughed, "Oh, that is just the tip of the iceberg, you'll see. I can read though anyone. But back to your concerns, I can assure you that I did not go to that park to corrupt some poor soul with drugs and I am not about to sell you off for sex. I went to the park because...well it's a long story and it's hardly credible. I'll tell you all about it this evening if you will accept to have dinner with me. This is a first for me, I usually get swamped for autographs but you are calling me a pimp. I am deeply insulted. Don't you watch any movies back in the UK?" He chuckled as he flung his cap on her lap and passed his fingers through his jet-black hair. He saw her flush deep red as realization slowly dawned on her. The cat was out of the bag. Well, he hadn't thought it would stay buried for long. At least he knew that the baseball cap was a relatively good disguise.

"Of course.....that's why you looked so familiar!" she exclaimed. "Sorry, but my brain is not functioning too well these days. And still, you can't blame me. No one expects an A list celebrity to walk amongst us mortals especially in a park which apparently has a very bad reputation. And yes, I did watch some of your movies, we do get them in the UK, you know. I must remember to ask for your autograph before we part. I might get millions for it."

"But the curious thing is that _you_ looked very familiar there in the bookstore. Have we met before?"

"Not unless you can see through the TV screen."

A fleeting picture of them being intimate crossed his mind. "You and I, did we ever..." he cleared his throat. Perhaps she had been one of his many flings during his visits to the UK. Why couldn't he remember? "Have you ever been to one of my movie premiers in London?" He didn't always remember what happened during the wild drunken parties that followed such events.

"No."

"What about the Bafta Awards...or some chat show in the UK? Perhaps you were in the audience and we somehow met and...."

"No."

"Have you ever been to the States then?" he insisted.

"This is my first visit. And I don't stalk celebrities either. Trust me, we've never met before today. I must have this sort of plain face that everyone resembles. You must have mistaken me for someone else."

"Do you honestly think that you are plain?" he asked in disbelief. "I can tell you that you have a very unusual and beautiful face, quite unique. I should have remembered someone like you."

She could tell that his comment was genuine and there was no flattery attached with it, but she looked away embarrassed, but somehow pleased.

He continued to drive on in silence, deep in thought. He knew for certain, like a sixth sense, that perhaps in another life he had deeply cared for and even loved this girl, their lives had been entwined and he had shared her pain and joy. But that was all it was. ... just a distant muddled feeling.

He suddenly felt scared. He liked his solitary existence and he just couldn't afford to let anyone close to his heart. He had to be careful; after all he had just promised himself that he did not need to get involved with her. He clenched his teeth in determination and turned off the main road into a large parking area. They went inside the hospital and they were ushered into an examination room.

# Confessions

"Well, what has my baby cousin been up to now?" Freddie was almost as tall as Josh, over six feet tall. They both had the same perfectly chiselled features; the only difference between them being their colouring, Freddie was fair with blue eyes, and Josh dark with black hair and eyes. Maria thought that they both looked like perfect pictures out of a glossy magazine, even Josh whose straight black hair was all untidy and ruffled up after that windy ride in his Ferrari. She felt very small and insignificant standing between them, especially with the unflatteringly large jacket falling down to her knees. She meekly lay down on the couch and listened to Josh recounting her harrowing experience in the park. Freddie immediately set to work, cleaning and suturing the wound.

"Maria Conti, I know that name," Freddie smiled broadly. "I have read your article in the British Medical Journal last month. I had imagined the author to be an old, wise but crumbling professor, not such a beautiful and captivating young doctor."

"Freddie, stop hitting on her," Josh snapped as he watched from the corner of the room.

"Did you hear that tiny squeak? Was it someone trying to say something?" Freddie asked Maria with a smile as he completely ignored his cousin. "But seriously, your breakthrough was astounding and the whole medical world is waiting with great enthusiasm for the outcome of your trial. If cancer cell division could be halted that easily there is no limit to what we could do...." Then they entered into a whole medical jargon conversation which seemed all gibberish to Josh. He listened on, feeling very sour. But he continued to observe them closely, trying to glean all the information out of their conversation.

The two cousins often met and shared double dates, and Freddie always managed to monopolize everyone around his table with his extrovert jubilant chatter. But Josh never minded that. If anything he encouraged it. That way he would be able to sit back and shut himself alone in his thoughts. There would be no need for pointless forced conversations, and he would then only join in during the interesting part of the evening, bed sharing and swapping. But that day Josh found himself resenting his cousin's absolute dominance. He could not help frowning and grinding his teeth in annoyance.

He knew that Freddie, like himself, was heartless when it came to women. But Josh was honest about it and girls approached him at their own risk, whereas Freddie tricked them into thinking that it was true love and then mercilessly broke their heart. Josh just didn't want Maria to get sucked into his cousin's charm and get hurt after she was brutally used. But she looked like a sensible no-nonsense kind of girl and she would easily see through Freddie. He looked at her hand; there was no engagement ring there, though there was a mark on her finger that suggested that there had been one recently. Perhaps that was why she left England in such a hurry, to escape this fiancée. Was he the same man he saw slipping a ring through her finger in the morgue? Of course not, that was just his imagination.

"...and how did you end up in the UK?" Freddie was saying, "You don't look British with your dark eyes and olive skin, you look more Mediterranean."

"Well my dad is... was an Italian psychiatrist, actually from Sicily, and he moved to the UK to do research years ago, so I was born and bred in the UK. But I actually have Italian blood running through my veins."

"Is he still working there?" Freddie was trying hard to keep the conversation going as much as possible.

Her face was flooded with pain as she answered, "No, my parents both died two months ago in a skiing accident and I'm the only one still living in the UK after my only brother immigrated to Kemmuna, one of the islands making up the Maltese archipelago just sixty miles south of Sicily. I have plenty of relatives living in Sicily, and there the families are all closely-knit so I might move closer to my roots someday. I see no point in persisting to live in the UK now."

_Especially after the breakup with your fiancée_ , thought Josh. It was surprising how much information he could glean out of people by just closely observing their body language. That had always been his strongest point, though most people considered him a freak capable of some kind of psychic sense. He could tell that Maria was passing through a heartbreaking period in her life. She probably had to cope with both the death of her parents and this breakup. And the latter must have been so traumatic that she had to take that first plane out of England.

"Sorry for asking," Freddie said. He looked genuinely embarrassed at having caused her pain with his probing questions. He took off his rubber gloves and looked back at her, "Well, you are all ready. The edges have come together nicely and, with time, you would hardly see anything but a faint white scar. Naturally, I will have to report your injuries to the police. Were you hurt anywhere else?" He passed his fingers lightly over her bruised neck and was about to unzip the large jacket, but she quickly stopped him.

"I'm fine, no other injuries. Those are just bruises when he tried to strangle me," she said.

Freddie smiled sweetly at her, "I have to complete a comprehensive report detailing the full extent of your injuries. You know how they are, they will hound me down if I don't. There must be a reason why you ended up wearing my cousin's jacket." He silently pulled the curtain round her bed as he proceeded with his examination.

Josh scowled, he was sure that Freddie was abusing his position and overstepping his mark, and Maria's bright red face coupled with his satisfied smirk when the curtain was finally pulled back was proof enough.

"Well, I guess I'll see you again in five days' time to remove your sutures. Where are you staying? Perhaps we can meet before then and we can continue our conversation. Your research is very fascinating. I could do with someone like you working here with me." Freddie must have liked what he had seen behind the curtain.

Maria mumbled something about a vague hotel. But Freddie persisted, oblivious to her evasive answer, "Josh, you don't have to drive her around. I'll take her to her hotel. Just give me fifteen minutes to finish off my report and fax it through, and then we'll go."

"I'm really late and I have to meet up with friends this evening. I'm sorry," she mumbled. She looked at Josh and silently asked him to keep his mouth shut. He smiled and obliged, after all he had been silent during Freddie's two-hour empty conversation, and he was not about to open his mouth now. His cousin had taken far longer than was necessary for a couple of sutures and she knew it. She had seen through Freddie's persistent flattery just as Josh had thought she would and she wanted to avoid further contact. She seemed more inclined to trust the silent brooding Josh than the friendly talkative Freddie.

"Freddie can be quite intense, I apologize for that," he said as he held the car door open while she slid in the passenger seat.

"Thanks for covering up my lie." She was suddenly feeling more independent and capable of thinking for herself. "You probably have better things to do than babysitting me. I don't want to ruin your evening. I should go to the police station and take it from there," she said as he slipped in the driver's seat beside her.

"I don't mind, really, I had nothing planned. You are transforming my otherwise boring evening into an active and stimulating challenge. But if you want to spend the night at the police station I won't stop you." He paused and saw her wrinkle up her nose as she imagined having to sleep in a cold cell just because she had no place to go to.

"Come on, you won't like that. And there is also the fact that you have no clothes. You can keep my jacket but it is a bit too big for you. Do you plan to wear it till you get your credit cards back which might be in two days' time or perhaps even longer? Alternately, we can go to the police station to report the incident and then we can go to my personal shopping assistant Rita, you'll like her, she's nice. She does all my shopping for me because I absolutely abhor department stores. She can measure you up and put together a suitcase with everything you need." He looked at her and added grudgingly, "Unless you would like to choose your own styles. In that case I will have to wait around."

She burst out laughing; the apprehensive look on his face was hilarious. "Don't worry, I will not burden you with my shopping. We can go to Rita's and she can choose things for me. I'm not fussed. I only have to stay at your place for one or perhaps two nights. I will move out as soon as I get the new set of credit cards. I will insist that I need them as soon as possible. And then I will pay for the clothes and Freddie's bill, and the watch you had to give away to pay for my freedom and everything else. So how much was I worth? That watch looked _really_ expensive."

"I never liked that watch anyway. I did make a good bargain today; I got a pocket-sized porcelain doll for a couple of bank notes and a watch I hated. I bought you fair and square, you now belong to me." He leaned over to the passenger seat and patted her cute little nose with his finger.

His sudden closeness stunned her. She half expected him to kiss her and she looked somewhat crestfallen when he moved back. She saw his crooked smile; he must have noticed her initial eager response. She blushed, looked down and mumbled, "I'm yours only until I repay all my debts. You'll see, I won't be a damsel in distress for long."

He smiled, so she was the independent type. He didn't mind letting her think that she was in control. He had no intention of accepting a single penny from her and she will not move out so soon if he could help it, at least not until he got to the bottom of his weird feelings. She will only leave if he wanted her to. He knew how to play dirty and manipulate other people's thoughts. He drove out of the parking lot and headed for the police station. It did not take long to report the incident.

"You are pampered," Maria said as he drove to Rita's store. "Wow, personal shopping assistant, do you do anything for yourself, do you cook, clean or wash your clothes?

"No, my housekeeper does everything for me. Well actually Julie is not my housekeeper, she is more like a mother to me. She's been taking care of me from day one. And when I grew into an adult I realised that I still needed looking after. I was still as helpless as that tiny baby. So I built an annexe for her in the back grounds of my place. She lives there and comes in every morning to clean up the house, do the washing and cook breakfast, dinner and whatever else I need. Yes, you are right, I guess I am spoilt, she would even feed me with a spoon if I wanted to."

"What do you do then, just hang about all day?"

"Well, I'm not so completely useless. I don't mind bookshops and I buy my own books and......" he stopped as he suddenly realised that he did not do much except read all day, work on a set whenever he was shooting a film, pick girls in the evening and kick them out as soon as he possibly could. "What about you, I know that you work in this laboratory and clinic, I heard about it for two whole hours, but otherwise who is Maria Conti?"

She laughed, "Yes, I'm sorry about those endless two hours, you must have been very bored listening to dreary trials and medical theories. But I'm afraid that my work is my whole life and if you strip that away I'm equally as boring inside. I have little time left for anything else, I do have to cook, clean and do my own shopping, unlike you. I like to travel but that is only on holidays."

"No time for friends? Or boyfriends?" he asked, though he knew the answer to that.

"No." His question had hit a raw nerve and she looked out of the window. Her discomfort supported his breakup theory. Josh did not probe anymore and drove on in silence.

Rita promised to have everything ready in two hours, toothbrush and all. That would give them enough time to get some dinner. Josh got his jacket back after Rita gave Maria a fetching dress in exchange for the ripped shirt. His sixth sense had somehow predicted that very scene in Rita's department store. He surprised himself with the degree of accuracy he had been able to foretell the various minute insignificant details including her black clinging dress and his new blue shirt...and her bright red cheeks as he stripped off his bloodstained shirt. His observation skills were getting better by the second.

****

"You seem to have everything planned out. Do you usually go round helping damsels in distress?" Maria asked after they had ordered dinner.

"I must admit that you are the most challenging damsel I have ever had...no hotel, no clothes and needing medical attention. I am completely drained out and exhausted today."

"Is that why you went to that park, to pick on a poor female in trouble?" She smiled but then turned serious, "Are you going to tell me how you happened to be in that park?" She had remembered his promise to tell her everything over dinner.

"Well ... I wanted to meet my father. I don't even know who he is or what he looks like...not even my mother knows that...." Josh looked deep into her understanding brown eyes and the secret door to his thoughts suddenly unlocked. He told her everything about himself. He began with his mother and her abortion plans which were intercepted by Julie. This led to his mother hating him for existing and her consequent emotional neglect. He told her about his childhood insecurities and how he had become fervently obsessed with discovering the identity of his real father. He even divulged his strange ability to remember every detail in a book, that photographic memory which made him feel so aberrant and eccentric.

He led her into his thoughts, his sanctuary, where no one had ever been. She asked the right questions which prompted immediate responses and encouraged him to continue to open up. He did not know why he kept on talking and talking after all those years living in his own cocoon, but he could not stop himself. She was a very good listener. After two hours he felt completely naked of his thoughts and truly drained out. There were only a couple of things he did not tell her. He never mentioned his crazy vivid dreams or his absurd conviction that he had somehow known her in another life, and that it was not just a casual encounter but a deep lasting relationship.

"I don't want to bore you with my life, but as you can see I'm completely messed up. I had this strange compelling feeling that I would meet my father beneath that specific oak tree near that aging fountain ... but instead I met you. Crazy, huh ... and I even spent two days sitting on the bench waiting for him to show up. So now you know I'm mental."

"No you're not, these things are actually documented in medicine and sometimes people get strange premonitions. They are all linked to our subconscious. I personally don't understand it but my father had actually tried to study and document this phenomenon."

"Gosh, it feels really great talking to you. I am not usually this verbal. I like to sit back and observe people's subtle reactions as they blab away revealing all their inner thoughts and wishes. I did that to you while you were chatting away with Freddie and you'll be surprised at how intimately well I know your life. I even know what you're thinking right now."

Her brown eyes widened with shock. Did he know how irresistibly attractive she found him and how much she could not tear her eyes away from his perfectly chiselled face? He must get that same reaction from every female on earth. He must find it very boring. Only her fiancée's betrayal and her deep mistrust in the male species kept her from jumping into his arms and begging him to take full advantage of her. She tried to guard her facial expression.

"Maria, you are a terrible actress, don't try to hide things from me because it's a futile task. I did tell you that I could read through anyone. And yes, you are right, I do get that kind of adoring look a lot and I am usually bored, but today I am really enjoying seeing it written in bold letters all over your face." He stopped and fixed his gaze somewhere beyond her head, afraid that he had gone too far. "I'm sorry, that was very arrogant of me. But I sometimes I wish that people would stop liking me for the way I look, but on the other hand what else is there to like, I always show them the nasty part of my character and never trust anyone to look beyond my exterior ... and I'm talking way too much tonight and I don't want to ruin my evening just yet."

He stopped and chanced a glance at her face. She was smiling. So she was not the slapping type and she even seemed to enjoy his harmless observations, so he decided to push his luck. "Anyway, that's enough about me. What is your story? No wait, don't tell me, I'll guess. I must warn you that it will be very close to the truth and you might get very mad. Would you like me to give it a shot?"

She nodded and he let his thoughts flow out.

"From my two-hour observation, while you were happily talking to Freddie, I gathered that your hasty departure from England was due to your parents' death as well as a messy breakup with some fiancée. You must have worn his ring for a long time, there is still its mark on your finger. You just had to escape and all you wanted was to forget about it and lose yourself in a book. You wanted to be on your own, you wanted no one to observe your pain and that is why you chose the first uninhabited deserted park you could find. You were too miserable to perceive any danger and left everything up to fate or rather up to me."

He paused and looked at her, she nodded and he continued, "You also resented Freddie's constant flattery which perhaps reminded you too much of your previous fiancée. Perhaps he was a doctor working with you as you had a pained look on your face every time Freddie asked you about your superiors, perhaps he was your boss. Wait, I think I can be even more accurate than that. He must have been the medical director of the hospital you work in, your ultimate boss. When Freddie boasted that he was the medical director of his hospital you gave him a look that could have killed him instantly, if looks could kill. You also subconsciously touched your finger where the ring should have been." Josh stopped; at this point any other girl would have called him a miserable freak. But she just sat opposite him, smiling sweetly, greatly amused at the accuracy of his observations.

"Go on, I am really enjoying this. You are spot on so far," she encouraged him.

"Freddie was too oblivious to your reactions. He wanted to impress you with the fact that he was the man in charge and everything rested on his capable shoulders. But the last thing you wanted was to talk about medicine or your hospital and definitely not about your medical director. Poor Freddie, but he really does like you. It is very rare, no not rare, it never happened to him that a female refused his invitation to dinner. He is usually quite a catch. He is quite my opposite, a friendly extrovert who will fill every second of your time with constant chatter and laughter. He will not be pleased with your little lie especially if he sees you having dinner with me."

"So don't tell him," she said, not really caring much about Freddie's feelings.

"I won't. He never really thought of me as competition. I am usually very silent, sour, moody and boring, having dinner with me could be a very painful experience with women struggling to keep up a conversation and rejoicing when they manage to extract a full sentence out of me. However that sentence could very well be some acidic comment that would make their blood boil. They only go through with it because of what usually happens after dinner at my place. I am handsome, rich and famous after all. Believe me, some would go through absolute hell to sleep with people like me. Everyone wants the same thing, there are no exceptions."

He stopped, why on earth was he telling her all this, it must be uncomfortable for her, he avoided her eyes, "I'm sorry; I must apologize again. I'm not usually so crude. Well that's a lie, I am usually crude but I didn't want to be tonight but my meanness must be inbuilt and I cannot stop the acidity from leaking out. If you think I'm too toxic for you, I can always pay for your hotel, you don't have to stay at my place ... Though, to tell you the truth, I did not want to offer the hotel option because I would like to take you home with me tonight. But don't worry, nothing is going to happen after dinner at my place unless you want it to ... Gosh, you are making me feel like an insecure teenager and I must be digging my own grave ... You don't have to listen to any of my rudeness. Listen, forget it. I'll pay for your hotel. Do you want to leave now?" He took his car keys out of his pocket and prepared to leave.

"No, a couple of days at your place sounds fine. I am positive that you will treat me very well despite your low opinion of yourself. I find you refreshingly honest and truthful. Very few people speak their mind and luckily I am not so easily offended. Stop apologizing and just keep on talking," she said encouragingly. She recognised the barrier he had built around himself as he subconsciously pushed people away from him by his careless and deliberate remarks. It was his way of protecting his heart, pushing them away before they push him away, like his mother had done. He was willing her to deeply hate him but she couldn't. He was telling her how obnoxious he really was and he was shamelessly exposing her every thought, but his stark honesty and accurate observations were only sucking her even deeper into his mind. She wanted him to continue to spill out all his thoughts.

"Go on Josh, tell me what's on your mind. Talking helps."

"OK. I'll keep on talking. It's your risk if you want to keep on listening. You are messing up my brain, you seem to have unlocked my vocal cords and I can't stop talking about everything that pops into my head. I have no inhibitions. It's like going to see a psychiatrist. Perhaps I should date doctors more often. If you get up and leave I will probably keep on talking to your chair."

Josh suddenly felt compelled to reveal his weird vision. He had three reasons; first he wanted to know how much more of his bizarre behaviour she could possibly stomach. Secondly he felt that he had to be honest with her and, most importantly, he wanted to know if any of the details in the morgue scene were correct.

"I can even tell you what your boyfriend looks like. I don't know how to explain this but I saw a vision of what might happen to you in the park if I were to leave you sleeping on that bench. I saw your brother and fiancée crying over your dead body in the city morgue. Your fiancée had fair straight hair parted in the middle and light blue eyes and was very elegantly dressed in a dark blue suit. He was very Freddie-like, same build, height and colouring but Freddie's features are much more refined. This fair-haired man cried and slipped this ring on your finger, it was probably your engagement ring that you must have flung at his face before your exit from the UK. It had a single oval pale blue diamond set in white gold and..."

That information overload was probably the final straw that broke the camel's back. Her hands started to tremble as she nervously flicked her curls away from her terrified, tearful face. He had finally broken her with his shocking comments, she would hate him now...but...he did not want that because he cared a lot about this fragile innocent girl. He had to forget all about honesty and truth, and he started to bluff his way out of the slippery situation he had just created.

"I'm sorry, again, that was a very nasty trick for me to play. I never saw a morgue or your fiancée or your ring. I just guessed that he was fair-haired with blue eyes because most British men are. You chose blue for the colour of my shirt so I gave him a blue suit. As for the ring, well I would give you such a ring myself if I had been the lucky man to have you as my fiancée. I'm sorry; I just let my imagination run wild, that's all. Please don't slap my face. Just forgive my tasteless remarks for the millionth time this evening," he begged as he closed his eyes and braced himself for that slap.

She laughed, "What makes you think that I would slap your face? Do all your dates end up that way? Don't worry I'm fine, I was just shocked at the accuracy of your observations. For a moment I really thought you had seen that morgue. But apart from that morbid part I am really enjoying this."

He let out a sigh of relief. Thank God, he had not started to describe her gigantic brother; it would have been difficult to get out of that one. He decided to lock his crazy vision in a forgotten room inside his head. It was just an accurate observation, he will never think about it again. He had often done that before, locking away any images which were inexplicable and weird, and once he turned that key on that door he was unlikely to remember them ever again. He had to do that to keep his sanity going. He decided to let her do the talking now, "Why did you break up?"

"Why are you asking me that? You must know the answer. Go on, I'll tell you if you are wrong."

"OK, the one most common reason why couples break up has to be infidelity. He must have slept with someone else. You can take it from there and fill me in on any details I might have missed," he smiled at her and she turned bright red.

She wished that he would stop smiling at her and making her heart flip. He must be observing her very closely and he would notice these embarrassing signs. She had never met such an observant and perceptive person before. His thoughts were deep and meaningful and not in the least superficial or flirty. He was honest, transparent and open.

He was waiting for her to continue but she was very reluctant to reveal more. He already knew too much about her. She took a deep breath and tried to waffle her way out, "I'm speechless, how on earth did you know all that? You must know me better than I know myself. It is my job to read through other people's actions and sift through their conversation to see what they are really thinking. But I must say that you are a million times better at it than I could ever hope to be. But I would appreciate it if you would stop analysing me for the short time we have together. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

"OK, but you are stalling; I told you everything about me, now I want all your tiny details with no waffling. I'm curious."

"You are analysing me again, how do you know that I'm stalling? Well, OK...Err...OK...I met Rob when I was eighteen, in my third year at medical school. He, being eight years my senior, was this handsome bright doctor taking us on tutorials and teaching us all the proper examination techniques. I fell instantly in love, but he was out of my league. Not only was he this jaw-dropping mature doctor on his rapid rise in his promising career, but also a womaniser with a string of girlfriends hanging on his neck. We became good friends but he never made a pass because I was his student. Then I graduated. The day after my graduation party he turned up very early on my doorstep with the biggest bunch of flowers I had ever seen. I had a humongous hangover, was still in my nightwear and my hair was in a terrible state. But my dreams had come true. He shed all his philandering ways and our relationship grew stronger and stronger for three solid years...or so I thought. Then he asked me to marry him. We have everything planned for a lavish wedding a month from today...the union of the medical director to the promising young researcher."

Her voice faltered but Josh nodded, encouraging her on.

"Two months ago my parents died and I became a total wreck. I must have depressed him or something. Anyway, yesterday I decided to try and pick myself up. I impulsively took the afternoon off work to start sorting things out for the big day. I had left a list in his apartment and I went there first...he was in bed with my best friend. I flung the engagement ring at his face and stormed out. He ran out half naked in the street and swore that it only happened once. This is what he had the gall to tell me...You _won't survive the day without me, Maria, you'll forgive me, I know you would...."_ She was shaking with anger. "And he blamed the whole thing on me because I...." she hesitated. Josh would soon find out that she was his complete opposite. She took a deep breath and prepared to defend her beliefs, "I...I didn't want to sleep with him before we got married. Naturally, he had wanted to from our very first date, but I believe that sex is sacred, we are not animals, and such an intimate act should be done only for love. So I stalled. Of course, we did other stuff but we never slept together and I managed to drag this out for three years. It was obviously not enough for him. He had slept with all of his ex-girlfriends, so I guess he didn't like the idea of suddenly going celibate. He probably had other affaires that I don't even know about and I only happened to find out about this quite by accident. I hardly ever act on impulses and he never expected me to take time off work and barge in on him. He said that I was definitely the only living creature in the entire universe who still believes in love, marriage and sex...happening in that order."

She saw Josh look away, he too must think that she was quite unique in her thoughts, he himself had hinted a while ago about his ideas on sex. She tried to justify herself.

"My parents were always so in love and happy, they lived for each other and they were always faithful to one another. Both of them had never slept with anyone else. That was their secret to a happy marriage. At least that was what my dad used to say. There is that special bond that you truly belong to one another and to no one else. But these are probably only idealistic illusions brought on by a very happy childhood. We were one tight family and nothing could break us apart. My dad was constantly by my side, he was the cornerstone of my life and he supported me in everything I did. That is why it is so difficult for me to accept that he is no longer here and that I can no longer run to him with every little problem I might have," her voice broke and she stopped. Josh could see that talking about her parents was making her increasingly distressed and he reached out and took her tiny hand.

He was immediately confronted by a very sharp vivid picture with that same realistic quality of his dreams. He could see himself slowly laying his hand on her pregnant belly as he looked into her trusting eyes. He could see his own face suffused with happiness as he felt his child move beneath her skin. The intense emotion on that other Josh's face diffused over to his own frozen heart which burned with happiness as it started to beat rapidly. He let go of her hand.

Here she was, talking about sex and marriage and he had seen her pregnant with his child. Marriage was the last thing on his mind, so was he about to distort her principles and beliefs? He didn't want to, he knew that the Josh in the picture loved her too much for that. But these were only products of his overactive imagination, a mind he had been locked in all those years, so he dragged himself back to their conversation. She had not noticed his brief departure and she had moved on, talking lovingly about her late parents.

_Oh God she is going to cry_ , Josh thought in a panic, he was not good with comforting crying females. He could see her biting her trembling lip and trying to look away but eventually the tears started running down her cheeks and he reached out and wiped her face, but the flow only increased as she gave in to her grief. The stress of that evening must have caught up with her. She no longer cared that she was weeping in front of a complete stranger. Josh went round to her side of the table and sat next to her, not really knowing what to do. After a while he pulled her onto his lap, cradling her in his arms, saying nothing. Thank God, they were in a private room. He had somehow predicted an emotional dinner and had asked for such a room. His sixth sense had come in handy.

She clutched on to him, sobbing uncontrollably. She was like a drowning woman in a raging river, clutching on to a flimsy straw. He was that fragile straw but he somehow managed to keep her afloat and slowly her sobs subsided and common sense started to take over. She moved out of his arms and back to her own space.

"I'm sorry, I am ruining all your shirts today," she said as she looked at the big wet stain her tears had managed to leave on his shoulder. "I think that this evening has messed up both our brains. I don't usually go round crying in some stranger's arms but I never accepted my parents' death. It suddenly dawned on me that I will never see them again. I really needed that hug. Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"The strange thing is that my dad never really approved of my fiancée. I don't know why, because Rob is a bright and well-established doctor and he rapidly rose to the level of medical director at a very young age. But he never clicked with my dad...or my brother Max. Well, I guess every father thinks that his future son-in-law is not good enough for his little girl. But despite all his reservations, dad always supported me in whatever decisions I took and he respected my judgement. He didn't like my marriage plans but he never moaned about them. Then came the day they left for their fatal holiday. I took them to the airport and after they said their goodbyes, he came running back out and hugged me. He told me to cancel my marriage plans because Rob would never make me feel complete. I just laughed, but he was serious and he made me promise to remember his words even when he was gone. It was as if he knew that he was about to die," she paused, gathering all her strength.

"I forgot all about it until I saw Rob in bed with my best friend; it was as if my dad had known all about that too." She sighed. "Perhaps I am living in an ideal romantic world that does not exist, but I don't really feel I should go ahead with that wedding especially when I remember my father's parting words. On the other hand, it will be extremely difficult to break up with your own boss and I had dearly loved him once too...perhaps I still do. We shared a lot of good times together, he was my first love. Rob is convinced that his infidelity is no big deal given the circumstances. He wouldn't have gone knocking on other doors if I had slept with him. He has begged me not to throw away what we had together....but..." and she looked straight into his eyes, "I'm sure that you would have agreed with him so it's pointless recruiting your support and I should stop justifying myself to you because I feel that I'm just going round in circles."

It was useless denying any of his affairs with women. He had just repeatedly hinted at them throughout his whole bizarre conversation, and anyway, she would read about them soon enough, all she had to do was to look up some gossip magazines and she would even find pictures to support the text. Reporters just loved his wild and daring scandals.

He cleared his throat. "I've had more than my fair share of women, perhaps more than this Rob. BUT, all the women know what they are letting themselves into, I never promise anything and I have always been honest about my feelings. They all know that I am this cold, heartless, selfish male. Take it or leave it. I would not mind it either way. But I think that you are right, going behind someone's back is dishonest and if there is no honesty there is no love. If I had been in a relationship I would never cheat on anyone. Dishonesty is not my thing. That is unforgiveable." He certainly did not want her to kiss and make up so he was not campaigning for this Rob. "But I have no right to preach about relationships."

"How long have you ever stayed in a relationship?"

"One day.....and night, I usually send them packing as soon as they open their eyes the very next morning...and sometimes I even get Julie to do it if they are late risers. I just cannot be bothered to wait for them to emerge slowly from their beauty sleep." He averted his eyes and continued, "I've never been in love or even respected anyone enough to stay with them for longer than that. They all know about my hardened heart and I have never found anyone who could soften it."

"Really, never...and you are twenty-nine. Wow, you _are_ messed up."

Josh laughed and looked at the clock on the wall. He was surprised to see that it was already two in the morning; they had stayed there talking for hours. "Gosh, look at the time. Come on, Rita is going to kill me," and he pulled her to her feet. He paid the bill, leaving a generous tip as he sincerely apologized for the late hour.

The entire conversation had charged him with vitality. He needed something to calm him down and he lit a cigarette as they walked silently towards the car.

"Hey, you can't smoke when you're dating doctors, didn't anybody tell you about lung cancer and smoking? That's a disgusting habit," she reproached.

"I only do this occasionally...but I'll make a deal with you, I'll ditch smoking for the rest of my life if you would spend the rest of your two-week holiday with me. No strings attached, nothing romantic or otherwise. And nothing will happen at my place I promise. It will be just talking and having fun. You can be my own personal little pocket shrink."

"Nothing romantic?"

Josh nodded, "Not even a kiss, and if I cross the line you have the right to ask me to take you to the nearest hotel of your choice, I'll pay for everything. From that point on you will never see me again. But if I keep my distance and you will stay, we will just be two friends having fun and helping each other out. You can help with my sanity and I can be your personal guide around here and I will make sure that you do not get into trouble again by choosing the wrong place to go to. You have nothing to lose except a tiny bit of your time listening to my whining. And perhaps I can even listen to yours. You can then go back to England satisfied that you have at least helped that miserable person to open up and start living his life. Are you up for that challenge?"

His intense black eyes met hers, willing her to accept. He was not ready to see her walk out of his life after he had just met her, not just yet, he wanted to explore further that irrational feeling of déjà vu he had every time he looked into her eyes or happened to brush her skin. He knew that she was not ready to get involved with anyone so he had stressed the 'nothing romantic' part.

"Wow, let me think, that's a big dilemma, I have no place to sleep in tonight and this really gorgeous guy offers me a home for the rest of my holiday, buys me clothes and dinner and held me while I cried like a baby and he doesn't even expect a thank you kiss for his kindness. On top of all that I could help mankind by reducing the amount of tobacco in the atmosphere...Deal." She laughed as they shook hands.

She knew that she should have stuck to her original plan to move out when she got her credit cards back, but she had really enjoyed talking to him. She was strangely enchanted by his sad, honest, intense eyes. She was intrigued by his past; a troubled and sad childhood that had left him feeling bitter and lonely, preferring his own company to that of others. She acknowledged his sometimes cynical and arrogant comments as a subconscious way of pushing people away from him. She sensed that he usually had difficulty opening up to anyone and she had probably been the only one to be invited into his innermost thoughts. She had seen that tiny spark of happiness in his otherwise sad, pensive eyes as he had unloaded all his troubles onto her. She could not possibly let him down after all that he had done for her.

But helping him was not the only reason why she had so readily accepted his offer. She was also doing this for herself. Talking to him was like the perfect medicine to heal her broken heart. His presence had washed all her concerns and worries away. He had even helped her grieve for her parents, something Rob had never managed. She could see hope in her life again. She will have to deal with leaving him later.

#  Guardian Angel

_Josh looked at the vivid and colourful picture around him. The round island was deserted and silent. He was standing on its centre, at the very top of the hillside and he could see the deep blue sea all around him. He looked out further beyond the shore. He could just make out another distant island surrounded by mist. He concentrated on his island. Dense forest covered half of it, the entire west side of the slope. He studied the type of trees growing there, tropical trees. The other half of the island was bare and rocky._

_He began walking down the path leading away from the forest. Eventually he saw the immaculate white house perched on the steep cliff top. He memorized every facade, every window and every crack. That house was evil._

_Her terrified hysterical call startled him. "...Josh, help me, I don't want to die, I'm scared, don't leave me, I don't want to die...."_

_Josh ran towards the screams. He looked over the edge of the cliff. Maria was halfway down, clinging onto a ledge jutting out of the sheer treacherous cliff face. She was screaming hysterically as she looked up at that other Josh in his dream who was just a few metres above her._

_"I love you Maria, you have to take a deep breath and calm down. Try to move to your right. Do it for me please," that Josh pleaded, his face in torment as her screams pierced his heart. But she could not move, she was paralysed with fear. He could not even reach out for her because he knew that the fragile ledge would crack under his weight and she would immediately plunge to her death. There was nothing that other Josh could do._

_And Josh could not help him either. But, he couldn't let her die. He could not possibly exist without her by his side; she was his water, that vital ingredient for his very soul. He looked around him in desperation. He was not alone. The ghostlike tall dark-haired man was standing at the very edge of the cliff, his long dark coat billowing out in the wind. He was looking at him, trusting him, expecting him to do the impossible...again._

_"Who are you? You and I, we don't belong here," Josh said as he looked at their hazy figures in that vivid world. But the man said nothing. "What do you want from me?" Josh hollered._

_But then the cliff face began to crumble and her screams filled that dimension..._

Josh woke up with a gasp. Thank God, he was in his own bedroom! He looked at his watch. It was five in the morning and he had a splitting headache. They had arrived home less than an hour ago. He rubbed his throbbing temples as he recalled the events of the night before....

...Maria was emotionally and physically shattered and she slept soundly in the car all throughout the two-hour drive to his home. She completely trusted him to take her wherever he wanted. He put his jacket loosely over her small sleeping form and settled back to sort out his jumbled up feelings as he drove on in silence.

He realised that they came from two totally different backgrounds. He never had much of a family whereas she was brought up in love and security in a tightly knit environment. This endowed her with certain values that he lacked. She believed in love and marriage and commitment and he believed in none of them. For a start, he had never been in love and marriage was something that never even came within a mile of his thoughts, and commitment, well, that was as distant as the word marriage.

And the more he thought about it, the more the differences kept pouring in. She was the scientific type and he the linguistic type. She would fit in with Freddie better on that point. She led a more secluded life whereas he was very much in the public eye. He could not see her fit in his way of life. And he would not fit in hers either because he had nothing in common with her ex-fiancée who was obviously her prototype.

She had this idealistic approach to sex and true love and had never slept with anyone. And he, well, he had lost count of the exact number a long time ago, and he never associated it with love. His past history with women was truly appalling. And if her father disapproved of Rob, he would certainly go ballistic with Josh. Rob must be as tame as a house cat compared to him who was surely a wild vicious lion. Josh must be every father's nightmare. Well happily this father was not around to approve or disapprove.

Another crucial point was that she had been in love with Rob, and probably she still was, whereas his heart had never truly belonged to anyone. His heart was the 'virgin' so to speak...hers was not, for it had belonged to Rob. If anyone had to feel jealous it had to be him, for the true feeling in one's heart was what truly mattered, not the number of casual sexual experiences.

And what about her feelings towards him; apart from the obvious physical attraction that every woman had, there was surely nothing else. No woman ever liked him for anything beyond physical and he did not believe in exceptions to any rules. And what about his feelings? Contrary to her, it was not just physical, she was beautiful but not the most beautiful he had ever seen...but she was the most intriguing and his feelings ran deeper than the surface. It was her soft spoken words and actions that touched his soul, if he ever had one.

But despite all these differences they had somehow connected and the evening proved to be a totally new refreshing experience for both of them. She had been genuinely interested in his inner thoughts and feelings, and he in hers.

Well, why on earth was he thinking all this? He was probably just feeling protective after having saved her from certain death. But he did not want her to marry this Rob doctor and he felt strangely envious of him. He also remembered that alien feeling of jealousy as he watched Freddie effortlessly keep up a smooth conversation with her. Why should he feel jealous of both Rob and Freddie? But probably that was not jealousy. It was just sheer decency because, despite his hardened heart, he still had sound principles about honesty, that basic building block that made up a decent human being, and both Rob and Freddie sadly lacked that precious gift.

He might feel differently about her in the morning, he concluded as he parked his car in his driveway. If he felt claustrophobic with her around, all he had to do was to move in on her and shock her delicate ideals with inappropriate behaviour. He chuckled as he imagined himself walking about the house stark naked. That would really make her blush. The deal would be broken and he would take her to the nearest hotel. With that in mind, he shook her shoulder and led her inside.

His villa consisted of an immense circular open living area with a kitchen at the farthest end and four massive downstairs bedrooms on either side of this space. He would not take her upstairs, that was his private library and that was out of bounds and was always firmly locked. Julie's annexe was next to his outdoor pool, and he tried to emphasize this but she did not seem to be anxious about being on her own with him. He carried her bag into one of the guest rooms on the left hand side of the large lounge. His bedroom was on the right and he told her to let him know if there was anything she needed. She thanked him and wished him goodnight as he went into his own bedroom.

He just couldn't sleep and kept tossing and turning. And when he finally succumbed, he was woken up fifteen minutes later by the familiar vivid dreams, only now they had Maria hanging on a cliff in them.

He knew that he would not be able to wind down and sleep after such a disturbing dream, so he went out into the lounge and started climbing up the stairs to his secret hideout, his library. This was the one room no one could enter. Julie cleaned it twice a year under his own supervision and then he would lock the door. It was his own refuge, his own space, pretty much what his mind had been before he had invited Maria in. The library was impressive, it had all the books he had ever read, and each book was religiously dated with the day he had read it. It was his private collection. Here he was himself with no need for any pretences.

Josh lay down on the luxurious leather sofa, feeling completely shattered. He just stared sadly at the rows upon rows of books. If he had thought that his feelings would disappear in the morning he was deeply mistaken, if anything they were even more potent than the day before, thanks to that weird dream. The tall dark-haired man seemed intent on turning him into the girl's guardian angel, except that he knew that he was no angel to any woman. Perhaps these were simple dreams just like normal people had, only more vivid, no doubt the product of an overactive imagination. It was hardly likely that they would ever come to life. He should not act on them. No sane person would let their dreams govern their lives. With that in mind, he stood up and chose a challenging book to read, one that would require his entire concentration.

He must have dozed off for it was past eleven when he finally woke up. He slowly went down the stairs, deep in thought. Maria was already up, looking fresh and beautiful in a catching tight t-shirt that Rita must have packed for her; of course she had had more sleep than him. She was in the kitchen area, all comfortable and happy as she chatted away with Julie just as if she had known her for centuries. He was surprised by this as Julie never spoke more than a couple of words to any girls he brought home for the night, and they, in their turn, never bothered themselves with her. After they left, Julie would occasionally express her disapproval by subtle body language signs such as shaking her head or pursing her lips, but she never pushed her point and as he grew older she interfered less and less with any matters concerning his love life or lack of it.

Josh wished that he had seen Julie's face when she saw Maria emerge fully dressed from the guestroom. Girls usually brazenly emerged for breakfast half naked from his own bedroom. This was a first for Josh, he had invited a girl over and he had managed to keep a respectable distance.

"You look nice," he said, eyeing Maria up and down and liking what he saw. "Are you satisfied with your new selection of clothes?"

"Yes, thank you. Rita has excellent tastes. I must insist on paying you for everything when I get my credit cards back."

He shook his head and frowned, but said nothing. Her independent streak had come out again that morning and she did not want to be indebted to him. He saw her smile as she assessed him. He turned round and saw his reflection on the oven's shiny surface. His hair was all messy, standing up on end, he was unshaven and looked too scruffy in a crumpled t-shirt and tight black boxers. He was not vain by nature but he wished that he had thought about it before coming downstairs and he quickly passed his fingers through his hair.

"So, you have met my adopted mum," he said as he kissed Julie on the cheek and sat down next to her. Maria could see genuine deep affection between the adopted mother and son. She realised that their close living arrangements was not purely for his benefit as he had told her the night before. In fact their relationship was symbiotic. Julie had given up her life and her nursing career to raise the abandoned child and when he grew older Josh appreciated the fact that she still felt the need to mother him. He knew that he was her one purpose in life and that she had no one else out there. He had not done like most youths did, like Maria herself had done, leave home and savour independence. He would have been perfectly capable of looking after himself, but he never wanted to abandon his nanny after everything she had done for him. And so he built her an annexe and let her fuss over him. Yes ... there was a very tender beating heart buried deep within his ice-cold exterior.

It was a pity that his life had been poisoned by his mother's presence. He would have had less bitterness and sadness in his eyes if Julie had been given full rights of adoption instead of the status of a nanny where she had to abide by her employer's rules. But Julie had still managed to instil in him much of his thoughtful, considerate and honest traits. Despite his low opinion of himself, he had acted like a perfect gentleman with her the day before and Maria shuddered to think what would have happened if there had been someone else in that park instead of him. She had completely trusted him from the start and her instincts had been right for once.

"Maria was telling me all about the latest gossip from England," Julie said as she gave him a generous helping of eggs and bacon. "I used to live in Great Shelford, which is quite close to where she lives now. Talking about it has made me feel homesick. I would like to visit for a couple of days. Can you survive that long without me?"

"Homesick? You never wanted to step on that island again, why the change of heart?" Josh asked, deeply amazed. Maria must have messed up with Julie's head too.

"Well, it is about time for me to acknowledge and accept my painful past. I have been very lucky to have you to look after, so a good thing must have come out of that accident. And Maria has offered to help me get over any bad emotions should I visit for a holiday. I would like to pray over my daughter's grave again someday."

Josh stared at her with his mouth wide open. He knew that although thirty years had passed from that tragic day, Julie still secretly mourned her dead daughter and husband, and she had once told him that she would only go back to her beloved England in a box. She had always wished it to be her final resting place but going back for a mere visit while she was alive and breathing was too traumatic for her.

She laughed at his bewildered look. She then turned back to Maria and was soon chatting away as she continued to give a detailed account of how she had lost her husband and daughter, something she never ever discussed, not even with Josh. She was pouring out all her grief and Maria was listening intently as if it were a one-to-one psychiatric session. He observed how Maria seemed to have the raw talent to draw people in by giving them a piece of her undivided attention and asking the right questions at the right time, she was the daughter of a psychiatrist after all. They hardly noticed him sulking next to them.

For goodness' sake, Josh thought, what was it with this girl? She had this natural gift of luring individuals into revealing buried thoughts which were never meant to be divulged. He was sure that she could make every hardened serial killer repent for his sins and cry out for mercy. Pity she had not been around to have a one-to-one session with Jack the Ripper.

He felt anger rise within him as he realised that the day before she had treated him just like any of her patients who needed listening to. He had hoped that her kind soft words and her deep interest in his inner feelings were the result of that weird chemistry between them. But no... She was nice to everyone and not just him. He was nothing special. He meant nothing to her. His heart ached. No, this shouldn't be happening; his frozen heart had never ached for a girl before. He felt lost and confused.

"I think we had better set off and do a spot of sightseeing," he rudely interrupted as he glared at his uneaten breakfast, "unless you want to spend your time in the States giving psychiatric sessions and encouraging people to open up. I should have left you sleeping at that police station last night; you would have made all the criminals there repent for their sins." He slammed his fist on the table, stood up and headed for the door. He grabbed his car keys and turned round, expecting her to follow him.

"Josh what is wrong with you? There's no need to be so rude," Julie scolded. "Are you going to change first or are you going sightseeing in your underwear today?"

#  The Library

Maria and Josh were on opposite sides of the long private runway. She was distraught and large tears ran down her cheeks as she knelt down beside a little boy who was desperately clutching on to a small puppy. The tall dark-haired man was there too, but no one seemed to be aware of his hazy presence. He just looked on sadly as the woman hugged the boy and said her goodbyes.

" _You will be all right now," she said in between tears, "You have to give this to daddy and you are to go straight to him. Do you understand?" She furtively pushed a crumpled note in his little hand and pointed towards her husband at the other end of the runway._

" _I'm sorry mummy."_

" _None of this is your fault, you have to remember that_. _Now go very slowly, don't touch any of the wires inside your jacket. Let daddy take it off for you."_

The little boy turned. He was a miniature Josh down to the last detail. The resemblance was uncanny, his own carbon copy... black hair, black eyes and the same refined chiselled features. Then the boy gathered the small puppy closer to his bulky jacket and started to sprint towards his father....

Josh woke up, feeling exhausted. He had had the cliff dream every day for the past week, but he had tried to ignore it. It was not as if he had taken Maria to any cliffs on deserted islands that week. Today he was surprised at the change in scenery. He closed his eyes and remembered the boy, his son, and he knew that he had to find a way to make her stay, and he had only one more week to do so.

That past week had been truly amazing. They had gone sightseeing all over the States. Every day Josh would come up with fresh and stimulating ideas, theme parks, museums, hiking and even an evening trip on a private jet which took them to a deserted spot for dinner. They were very comfortable in each other's company. His photographic memory, something he had concealed all his life, never ceased to amaze her and he flaunted it at every opportunity. His knowledge was deep and he took her into his own imaginary world, combining fact and fiction, and it seemed as though she wanted to stay locked in that world forever.

He hated having to share her; he hated sharing her with Julie in the morning, and he was glad when she decided to remove the stitches from her forehead herself after five days. That way he would not have to share her with Freddie. He relished every second with her. He had never been able to talk to anyone this way, it was a completely different Josh. The miserable introvert had changed into this incredibly happy loquacious man. But her past with Rob constantly played on his mind and he never got more intimate than a casual hug because he greatly feared that stiff rejection. He posed innumerable careful questions about her upcoming wedding plans but she always avoided answering them, which made him very angry with her but more so with himself for even caring.

Josh slowly got out of bed and looked out of his window. It was still early, hardly six, and everything was so tranquil and peaceful. He gazed at the large pool outside and his eyes wandered towards a path that led down to his own private beach. The rising sun was shimmering on the surface of the sea and the waves were lapping gently across the sand. It was all so inviting. Today they would stay here. He was too exhausted. He had tried to shove the dreams out of his conscious mind but they constantly returned more vivid than ever before and he could never go back to sleep after having them. It was still too early for him to go banging on her door so he reluctantly went up to the library for a quiet read.

It was past nine when he heard her quietly chatting with Julie, they obviously thought that he was still asleep. He quickly locked the library door behind him and went down the stairs.

"Good morning, Josh. Do you get up in the middle of the night and sleep in one of the upstairs bedrooms?" She had obviously noticed him coming down every morning.

"No, that's my library. All the rooms upstairs have been converted into one whole space to house all my books. I'll take you up there later today if you want to." Josh saw Julie look up in surprise; he had never shown his library to anyone. That room was sacred to him and out of bounds to everyone else, even to her.

"You don't look too well." Maria passed a finger over the dark circles beneath his eyes. He did look particularly drawn that morning.

"I'm just tired. I thought that we might stay here today. We can go swimming on the beach and explore the surrounding caves. Did Rita pack a swimsuit for you?

"Yes, it's not exactly the right size but it will have to do."

He imagined her in a skimpy bikini and a wide grin spread across his face. She soon changed, eager to explore the beach. The bikini top was indeed a size too small but he made a mental note to thank Rita the next time he saw her. It must have been a deliberate mistake, Rita rarely got things wrong.

He took her hand and strolled down the path towards the beach. Armed with a torch he led her through a small passage in the rock face. The long passage eventually opened into a large cave. There was a hammock hanging down from the roof. This was his other secret place where he would spend hours alone lost in his own thoughts.

There was a sudden scuffing noise at the back of the cave. "What's that?" Maria asked.

"Just a few rats, I suppose."

"And you just stay here alone in the dark with rats scurrying around you? Gosh, you are mental." And she moved closer to him, almost wanting to climb up his chest in fear.

"They are harmless." He laughed as he effortlessly lifted her off the ground. "If only I had known that rats would make you run into my arms I would have brought you here sooner. It is you who consented to breaking our deal by wanting to cling to me in this way and you do look really ravishing in that blue bikini. I'm only human after all. So I hope that you will agree with me that I am not breaking any rules by doing this," and he bent his head towards her and kissed her lightly on her lips. He searched her face to gauge her reaction, but she looked all smiley and fine, indeed she had no intention of breaking their embrace. The rebuff he had feared had not materialised.

The shrill ringing of his phone shattered the moment.

"Damn," Josh swore as he reached into his pocket. It was the police officer they had spoken to a week earlier and Josh put her down and gave her the phone. It was pretty bad timing. He had been thinking of different subtle ways to break that stupid deal all week. And now he had this golden opportunity, thanks to the rats, and it had been ruined by some stupid officer.

"...Yes, I suppose you can give him this number," she said hesitantly into the phone.

"Who is going to call you on my phone?" Josh asked with aggression after she hung up.

"They raised the alarm back in the UK when no one could contact me. They traced my passport here. They must have thought that I was suicidal or something and they alerted the police."

"By 'they' you mean that stupid Rob doctor," Josh spat out.

"Yes. At least he cared enough to phone and initiate an investigation."

"That is very touching indeed. Well, he may have cared but he still cheated on you. How can you even consider speaking to him? And it is not all right to give him my number, I really did not want him to contaminate my phone," he retorted as he roughly shoved his phone back into his pocket. He forcefully took her hand and led her out of the cave. The moment had been ruined, there was no going back. They walked silently towards the sea. His phone started ringing again as soon as they sat down on the sand. It was Rob. Josh gave her the phone with a grunt and stayed really close to her not even trying to hide the fact that he was closely listening to her side of the conversation. He was feeling very childish and pathetic.

"I'm fine, in fact I can't be any better ... Oh shut up, he's just a friend who has helped me out of a tight spot, I would never sleep with someone just to get back at you. And you are really in no position to tell me what to do.....I don't know, I haven't decided what I want yet......Well, you should have thought about that before you slept with her. Listen, I really don't want to talk right now, please don't phone again." She switched off the phone and gave Josh one of her irritated looks, "You could have given me a tiny bit of privacy there instead of breathing down my neck, listening to every word I said."

"Well, that's my phone and I don't want you drooling all over it. I'll tell Rita to get you one this evening so that you can have that dirty private conversation with your boyfriend."

"I don't need a phone. Stop buying me stuff. I don't know how I'm going to take everything back to England. And stop mollycoddling me too. For your information I can jolly well take care of myself if only you would let me. You keep thinking that I am this hopeless imbecile who can't stand on her own two feet."

"You can't. You would be in a morgue by now if I had not intervened. I honestly don't know why on earth I'm bothering with you, I should have walked off and left you to enjoy the consequences of your actions back there in the park. I am sure that the three of them would have taught you a lesson or two about sex. They would definitely have been better than your cheating fair-haired English doctor. Thankfully I will not have to worry about you for long because your holiday will soon be over and you will be Rob's problem and not mine."

She rose to leave, but he held her hand. "I am really sorry. I did not mean anything I just said. It's just that I feel so tired and snappy today...and I don't like Rob either, but that is none of my business, I know. I really want you to stay. I need you to help with my sanity, I am just beginning to feel alive for the first time in my miserable life and you can't stop your therapy just yet. You cannot abandon your reckless patient just because he said some really stupid comments. So please Doctor, forgive me and stay for the rest of the week."

She burst out laughing and sat down. "My, you really have a way with words. What is it with the Doctor thing? Now, how can I possibly refuse that? OK then, but I want to set some rules. I want to buy my own things from now on; I want to pay for my share of the food or anything else, I would really like to use my new credit card. ' _I like it'_ does not mean ' _I want to buy it'_ , so please stop buying me things. And yes, I can cross the road on my own, walk on uneven ground and wait by myself for five minutes without being attacked by someone. What happened in that park does not usually happen to me, I was just distracted and I don't usually walk into danger. So I don't want you to treat me like a sick invalid from now on."

"Do I really do all that?" he asked. She nodded and he continued, "And you don't like any of that?" She shook her head.

"OK, you are a disgrace to the female race. You should like shopping and buying stuff and being pampered. But your wish is my command, you are the boss." He smiled but immediately relapsed back to the silent moody Josh.

Maria did not want to press this any further and looked out into the vast blue sea. The sound of the waves splashing across the shore and the lonely calls of the seagulls were filling her mind with a sense of wellbeing. The sea was truly therapeutic. She was happy here with him even though he was in such a terrible mood. What was that outburst all about? He could not possibly be jealous of Rob. He was right about one thing though; she did not know why he was bothering with her at all.

The sun was scorching hot and Maria took out her sunblock and offered him some.

"I don't need that stuff," he snapped.

"It's good for you, prevents skin cancer. You should not stay out in this sun without covering your back. Here I'll put some on you."

"You are so bossy, why should I do everything you say?" he grumbled, he was truly in a bad mood.

"Because I'm the doctor here and I'm always right and my way is the only way. And that is one other rule I forgot to mention a little while ago."

As soon as he felt her hand rubbing in generous amounts of sun cream on his back, his surroundings started to change and shift...

He was on this sundrenched Mediterranean island where they always spent their summer holidays. She had this obsession with the sun, sunblock and skin cancer and he saw her religiously applying cream to all of their four children. He saw the boy he had seen in his dream that very morning...his carbon copy. He was squirming and protesting as his mother held him firmly and applied copious amounts of slimy sunblock on his shoulders.

" _Mum, I don't want that girlie stuff on me. It smells bad. Mum...."_

Josh himself was lying on the sand, laughing his head off, he was happy and greatly amused at his son's distress. This happy Josh seemed out of place in his thoughts, for he knew that he had hardly ever laughed this hard in his entire life so far...

Oh God, he was having these vivid dreams way too often now, they were invading his daydreams too. He must be going mad. These were not normal dreams, but sharp clear images that went down to the depths of his soul and transported his own emotions to wherever they took him to. They had transported him to the depths of hell that morning as he saw her saying her goodbyes and now they had just transported him to his perfect paradise where happiness and laughter were the only emotions present. He abruptly stood up and rubbed his throbbing temples really hard, hoping that this would expel his madness.

"What's wrong? Are you all right?" she asked in alarm.

"I'm fine, just a headache. I don't need any more of that stuff on my back," he answered curtly; he was feeling angry with her for unknowingly invading his dreams.

He watched her struggle as she tried to coat her own back. She looked up at him, expecting him to return the favour. He snorted and forcefully snatched the bottle from her hand. He had this mad urge to unclasp her bikini top, lay her down on the soft sand and bury his face between her supple breasts...but instead he spoke roughly, "I bet your boyfriend won't like it if he sees me rubbing your back. What will you tell him if he phones now?"

"Can you just shut up? You are being so rude today and I'm really this close to packing all my bags. You should go and take something for your headache instead of taking it out on me." She clenched her hands and walked out to the sea, diving in immediately. He realised that she needed some time alone so he did not follow her in. As he put the bottle back in her bag he saw the book she had been trying to tackle these past few days. She had hardly managed more than a couple of pages because he had kept her too busy with his own stories. He was curious to know what type of books made her tick, so he lay back on the sand and started reading. After what seemed like an hour she came back and sat next to him.

"There's no way you could have read that much," she said motioning towards the book, her previous irritation all forgotten.

"Try me," and he gave her the book. She gave him a random page number and he was off regurgitating everything on the page.

"Gosh, you are truly amazing. It's like having a computer for a brain. I would love to open up your skull and see how everything is wired up. No wonder you are such a good actor, you must learn your lines in no time."

"You really like this photographic memory thing, don't you? Come on, I'll show you something," and he pulled her to her feet and led her back to the house and up the stairs. He unlocked his library door and watched her jaw drop in amazement. The room was unbelievable, incorporating eight large bedrooms into one whole space, her entire flat back in England could fit into this five times over. It was lined with rows upon rows of books.

"This is my hoard, my pride and joy, all the books I've read ever since I was two," he said as she stepped into the room.

"Wow." She glanced at the nearby desk and picked up one of the two books there. "Did you read this book?"

"Yes. It's really good stuff. The author randomly sent it to me more than six months ago saying that it would make a great movie. And I agree with him. I would be honoured to star in it. But my agent told me not to bother with it and go for the safer option, the other book on the desk. Have you read either one of them? What do you think I should choose?"

"Please don't ask me anything about this...But if you are insisting on my opinion, then I would tell you to shove the safer option down your agent's throat and fire him. An established author does not necessarily produce a better book. It might be safer but definitely not better... But I'm biased because this is my brother's book."

"That's not possible. He's J. Brown, your brother's Max Conti..."

"Oh, that's his pen name. He writes incognito. He lives on this island in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, Kemmuna, part of the Maltese archipelago. It's only a small island with a couple of buildings but I can tell you that it is a piece of heaven. The sea is unbelievably clear, blue and warm and it is drenched in sun almost every day of the year. It's a perfect paradise for writers. When we were young dad used to take us there every summer and Max decided to move in permanently. You should go and see it."

Josh was silent, staring at the book and not really seeing it. This was beyond mere coincidence. But again these things happen. And was she referring to the sundrenched island he had just seen where she would religiously coat all her family with sunblock?

".... He'll be pleased to know that you have read his book. I guess a good film backed by a talented actor does make all the difference with sales and stuff. But the fact that you are even considering it would really thrill him. Did you read any of his other books?" Maria was saying. Josh dragged his mind back to the conversation and showed her a nearby shelf where three more of J. Brown's books stood. She started pacing amongst the shelves, trailing a finger along the book spines.

"Did you really read all these?" she asked, gesturing towards the rows of books.

"Yes, since I have nothing else to do, as you had once pointed out." He smiled. For the first time in his life he was glad that he possessed this aberrant photographic memory.

"Why do you downplay your gift so much in front of others?"

He shrugged, "When I was a child all I wanted was to be accepted. This would have scared adults, let alone children, so I have always tried to tone it down...until you came along. You must be the first girl interested in the way my mind works and to actually feel excited about it instead of being scared out of your wits."

"Then you can't have met that many bright girls."

"You're right; I haven't...up until now."

She smiled and blushed, obviously pleased with his comment. She looked away and continued to browse amongst the great range of diverse books. "Ah, you like the great British writer too."

"Every self-respecting actor adores Shakespeare."

"Romeo and Juliet...I wouldn't have thought that a hardened heart would read such stuff."

"Oh, I read that ages ago, way before my heart lost its beat." He took out the copy. There was his signature together with a date scribbled on the first page. "That's the day I read it. I like to jot these things down."

She quickly did the maths and gasped, "You read this when you were seven!"

"We were doing a school play and I wanted to read the original rather than the children's version."

"Let me guess, you were Romeo."

He nodded.

"Lucky Juliet," she murmured.

"Would you like to be my Juliet, without the dying part of course?" he asked as he took her hand and drew her closer to him. He turned on his acting mode and re-enacted one of the various love scenes.

" _She speaks_ ..." And he was off reciting every line, word perfect, his face reflecting his heartfelt words as he tenderly caressed her delicate porcelain features. He finally stopped and looked into her wide admiring brown eyes. He just had to try to take this forward.

He lowered his head and kissed her hungrily. She responded with equal passion as she lightly stroked his bare back. Encouraged, he cornered her against the bookshelves, his lips never leaving hers, his hands roaming her body, exploring her soft curves. He slid his fingers lightly along her spine and undid the clasp of her bikini top. She didn't stop him. She wanted this as much as he did. Josh felt himself lose all control, only one thing on his mind. He urgently tugged at her bikini bottoms.

It was then that he had another of his vivid images...

... _He was standing at the altar of this small English chapel deep in the countryside. She was heavily pregnant as she walked slowly down the church aisle. He was overwhelmed with happiness as he looked deep into her eyes and took her hand. He slipped the gold ring on her finger and he promised to love and protect her for all eternity. He then bent down to kiss his new bride. He felt that kiss warming his very soul, his mind, his whole existence. This was what he had always wanted; he finally felt complete._

The tall dark-haired man was there, smiling happily as he watched the young couple's never-ending kiss....

Josh came back to the library. She was standing naked against him, still deeply lost in his embrace. If he continued with this he would not be able to stop. He now knew what he wanted more than anything in the world. He wanted to make her his for all eternity, and he wanted their union to be genuine. He did not want her to marry him because she was physically attracted to him or because she was pregnant with his child as he had just seen her in that chapel. Pregnancy was never the right reason to tie the knot. Perhaps she would one day love him as much as she loved Rob, but that would never happen if he manipulated her into having sex that day. He had to stop his blinding lust, and so with great difficulty he pulled away.

"I'm so sorry. I had better stop because I am very close to my point of no return." His voice was raw and hoarse with emotion.

She pulled him back and pleaded, "You don't have to stop, please Josh." And she started kissing him again.

"This is very difficult for me, so please help me out here. I really want to keep on going...but not yet, not now, I want to do this right for once in my life. I don't want you to hate me after it's all over," and he reluctantly picked up her discarded bikini top and did the clasp at the back. She lowered her eyes in embarrassment as she hastily pulled up her bottoms. She started to move away, feeling lost and dejected, but he quickly pulled her towards him.

She buried her face in his chest. "I don't usually lose control of myself so easily," she mumbled. It was true, Rob had been frustratingly persistent about sex but she never had any urges to give in. She never had these overwhelming and compelling feelings for him as she now had for Josh. But all the same she should be ashamed of herself; she had known the irresistible wild actor for just one week, and moreover he had actually had enough willpower to stop and she had literally begged him to continue. And all that after her long and protracted sermon about sex and marriage on their first day together, she was such a hypocrite.

"Please stay...here with me...don't go back." Josh had to ask.

"I can't, this is all happening too fast. I should be getting married in three weeks' time...this is too early for me...I can't stay...besides, I've got commitments at work. I just can't take long holidays. Rob will fire me."

"I'm not asking for a protracted vacation. I want you to stay with me permanently. You told Freddie that living in the UK was pointless now that you have no family there. This is your opportunity to start a new life. Rob can fire you. You don't need a job if you live with me."

She laughed, "I don't fancy living the luxurious life of a mistress."

"Oh no, not a mistress. I told you that I want to do this right. I think I'm in love with you... no, that's not exactly true. I _definitely_ know that I'm in love with you and I _definitely_ know what I want... I want you to stay here with me...as my wife."

She responded angrily, pushing him away, "You're making fun of me, right? You celebs propose on impulses and then break up after two weeks. Please Josh, don't play with my heart, not now, not after Rob. I can't handle it. Don't tell me that you love me if you don't mean it. You don't know me, you can't love me."

"Unlike Rob, I don't need three years to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I swear, I never say anything that I don't really believe in and I don't propose on impulses. I have never ever asked anyone to marry me because I have never felt this way before. I will not hurt you and I will never meddle with your heart. There is a certain chemistry...and you feel it too."

"Yes that's true, but you might truly feel this way right now but you'll probably forget all about me after two weeks. Without me here you will go back to whatever you used to do and forget about the chemistry thing. It will not last. My feelings might not last either," she said, trying desperately to hold back tears that were threatening to tumble down her cheeks.

"Maria, I know that my feelings are genuine and lasting and I'll wait for you to feel the same way too. OK, you can go back to England as planned and I will not contact you for two whole weeks. I will not forget you just because you are away from me. I will come back for you and prove you wrong. But you must promise to abandon your marriage plans with Rob, at least till I come back. You have to give me a chance."

"That's an easy promise to keep. I will not marry Rob...even if you don't show up. I don't love him anymore."

He let out a sigh of relief and he had to be happy with that for the time being. "And in the meantime we can enjoy your last week here, right? I did desecrate our deal, so what do you want to do? Do you want to move into a hotel?" He looked at her, dreading the thought that he had scared her away; no strings attached indeed, what could be worse than a marriage proposal after one week. That would surely freak her out, what was he thinking? He had to blame the dreams.

But she smiled, "I have been kind of hoping for the past week that you would forget all about that stupid deal. I'll stay here, I don't want to go just yet."

He took her hand and led her outside next to the pool. The sun was still scorching hot. He lay down on one of the deckchairs and pulled her down next to him. He slid his hands through her wild curls and started to kiss her. "Julie's in her annexe, I will not overstep my mark out here. What happened in the library will not happen again."

"I never complained about that," she murmured as she drew closer to him.

At least he had another week of this before that painful departure.

# Arrivederci

_Her hands were chained to the cellar wall. She was slumped on the floor, not moving, hardly breathing. She was battered and bruised, her eyelids all swollen and purple. Rats scurried around her hair, clawing at her beautiful rich brown curls, but still, she did not move. If she had been conscious she would have screamed in terror. She despised rats._

The cellar door opened and Josh was pushed inside, his hands tied together with a rope. She did not even move when he knelt down to kiss her. She was bleeding heavily and he wept because he knew that she had lost their child...

.

Josh opened his eyes. The vivid dreams had stopped in that last week and he somehow assumed that his subconscious, in the form of the tall dark-haired man, approved of whatever he had done in the library. That day he had finally admitted to himself that what he really wanted was a serious relationship with her, and once he acted on it, the dreams just faded away. But they returned again that morning, the last day they would spend together.

That past week had been perfect. He was deeply in love and he did not even bother to hide it. She too looked happy but Josh knew that she did not trust him. He would have to work hard to gain that trust. She was convinced that he would forget all about her the day she boarded the plane back to England and he would slip back to his old ways and many lovers. She wanted to test her theory and despite his very persuasive arguments, she kept insisting on spending some time apart.

Josh sprang out of bed, eager to start the day. It was still five, way too early, but it was their last day and he was not going to be restricted by laws of courtesy. He had a quick shower and tiptoed across the lounge. He slowly opened her door.

She was sleeping soundly, her long brown curls splashed wildly across her pillow, the sheets down to her waist and her flimsy camisole riding high. He was seriously tempted to slip in between those sheets. Sex combined with true love must be a powerful experience. He knew that she would succumb because she seemed to forget her previous delicate ideals whenever they were intimate together, and every time he had to abruptly screech to a halt just before the finishing line. And she never helped him to stop either, if anything she tried to propel him forward just as Eve had pushed the nice tasty apple right in Adam's face. But it was only lust for his physical perfection that made her act that way. He had seen that same reaction in the hundreds of women he and Freddie seduced every year. Both cousins were equally arresting, Freddie called it a gift whereas Josh referred to it as a curse. He only hoped that, with time, Maria might look beneath his shiny outer wrapping and that superficial feeling would be replaced by something deeper in her heart.

Only the other day, Julie had given him a stern lecture on his sex life. She had never ever approached that subject but she felt obliged to protect the tiny innocent lamb's heart from the big bad wolf. Huh, if only Julie saw them together she would immediately know who was seducing who. It was as if the cute little lamb was dancing the jig right in front of the wolf's mouth and the poor famished beast had to smile and control his overwhelming hunger. He had laughed and assured Julie that the only heart that was likely to be broken was his because he definitely knew what he wanted, whereas she was only using him as her rebound, that perfect dazzling object that could help her mend her already broken heart.

Josh sighed. Only the image of her walking down the church aisle heavily pregnant stopped him from devouring the lamb that morning. Instead he bent down and softly kissed her lips. "Wake up sleepyhead, let's go and watch sunrise on the beach. It's going to be a glorious sunny day today."

She groaned and reluctantly pushed the sheets off her body. She self-consciously patted down her wild curls. She didn't like him to see her in her early morning state especially when he had obviously just showered and shaved and looked so immaculate and perfect. "I've got to get changed," she said as she pushed him out of her room.

"You can put on the blue bikini I like so much and I'll meet you by the pool."

The day passed way too quickly for their liking. Josh hardly thought about that morning's disturbing dream. It just faded in his subconscious as they basked under the hot sun. The words love, marriage and commitment which had not been present in his dictionary the previous week, seemed to occupy every corner of his mind and were now woven into his very soul. Their many differences that he had identified on their first day together had paled out next to the things they had in common. They fitted together, like two complementary pieces of a picture, and neither would be whole without the other, both physically and mentally. Josh could easily see that, even though Maria did not.

It was past five in the evening by the time they returned back to the villa. Josh took her hand and led her inside the living room. He beamed at her as he fastened a delicately jewelled bracelet around her wrist. "Please promise to keep this on until I come for you in two weeks' time. I bought that myself, Rita did not have anything to do with it, so don't despair, I can do some shopping for myself." He wanted to give her a bracelet rather than a ring which might remind her too much of her cancelled wedding plans.

"Wow, that looks really expensive. I can't accept it. I don't need a bracelet to remind me of you. I wish that you could just stop showering me with gifts..."

He bent down and silenced her with a long kiss, "Just promise me," he whispered. She nodded. He smiled, he knew that he would have her like putty in his hands; one kiss was all it took. The physical attraction was definitely there.

"I'm going to take you somewhere special tonight, so put on something nice to go with that bracelet." He slowly pushed her down flat on the sofa. Time just stood still as they lost themselves in their own private world.

The doorbell rang. Josh tried to ignore it, but after ten minutes of persistent ringing he finally sat up. "Don't move from there," he told her with a cheeky smile. "I'll get rid of whoever is out there. I promise." He opened the door and his smile vanished.

"Come on Josh, I knew that you were in. Your car is finally parked in the driveway. Where have you been? You've missed quite a few golden opportunities." Freddie stormed into the room, flanked by two exceedingly beautiful, elegantly dressed women. He looked disapprovingly at his cousin's swimming shorts and untidy hair. "Go and change, we're massively late for the opening of your premier."

"I phoned and left a message telling you that I'm not going."

"And that is why I came here, to drag you along with us. Don't be ridiculous Josh, you can't miss your own party!" It was then that Freddie saw Maria sitting on the sofa, her wild curls tumbling down her flushed face as she hurriedly fastened the clasp of her blue bikini. She quickly brought her long hair forward, covering the red marks on her neck which seemed to go right down to her tempting voluptuous assets. But the movement was not quick enough to hide anything from Freddie's sharp eyes. He pursed his lips; it was obvious what the two had been up to. No girl had ever chosen the moody bitter Josh over him and he didn't like being outmanoeuvred by his usually boring cousin who had always been happy to take the back seat when he was around. He had to do something about this. It should be easy enough, Josh never fought hard for any girl and he was always satisfied with his cousin's handouts as long as they had a decent female form. Tonight he'll give him exclusive rights to the two stunning actresses he had brought along and he himself will enjoy this exquisite doll.

"Oh I see, so you've been _here_ all along. I called the hotel you said you were staying in and the kind receptionist said that a Maria Conti never checked in. And you never showed up to have your sutures removed either. I waited and waited. Did you know that you broke my heart?" Freddie gave her one of his stunning breathtaking smiles. He confidently crossed the room, sat too close to her and leaned over as he gently lifted a lock of hair away from her face to inspect the scar.

Josh clenched his jaw. He had seen the greed in his cousin's eyes. Suddenly his surroundings started to spin around him and his vision was immediately taken to a hospital room...

Maria was sitting back on her pillows, looking brittle, pale and exhausted, and Freddie was sitting on the side of her hospital bed. He was gently reassuring her as he took some blood samples. Maria was looking at him, trusting him with her life. There was this unspoken doctor-patient bond between them. But Josh could see something more in Freddie's deep blue eyes as he took his patient's fragile hand and felt her pulse; he too seemed to have been bewitched by her mysterious appeal and charm.

However Maria's eyes kept drifting back to Josh who was standing at the foot of her bed, silently observing every move. She caught his eye and smiled with great affection....

He returned to the living room. Freddie was still inches away from Maria, playing with her lock of hair as he intimately fingered her scar. Josh felt a sharp pang of jealousy as a wave of insecurity washed over him. If Maria was physically attracted to him, there was no reason why she shouldn't also be to his cousin. After all, Freddie possessed the same chiselled features and same flawless, sculptured physique with the added bonuses of startling bright blue eyes and gorgeous fair hair, the two things her ex-fiancée also had....to say nothing about their common medical interests.

Josh casually slumped down on the sofa beside her. "Yes, Maria stayed here and we have been very busy hiking all over the States for two whole weeks. Today is her last day and I'm not going to sacrifice that for some stuffy premier. So you had better march off because you'll be late for the grand show."

"Maria can join us. She will be happy to meet all your fans and witness your superior acting skills...Unless, of course, you don't want her to watch your movie. On the other hand I can see your point; it does contain some very embarrassing scenes with Tanya here. " He nodded towards the stunning blonde standing by the door.

Josh looked coldly at his cousin. It seemed as though he had not changed one bit over the years. As a child Freddie had always had everything, loving parents, security and expensive thoughtful gifts, and Josh had nothing. And Freddie expected it to stay that way. As long as Josh took his kind handouts he would be friendly and welcoming. But as soon as Josh achieved anything without his consent, the venom would pour out just as it had poured out during prize days or class plays. In fact Josh hadn't seen the venom for years now because he always gave Freddie first choice of anything, and the reason behind it was that he could not be bothered with whom he ended in bed at night. They very often swapped anyway. But Maria was a different matter. He was not sharing her. Freddie was in for a surprise.

His best weapon had always been that 'I don't care' attitude, so he shrugged his shoulders, "Oh don't worry, she knows everything about me. I don't think I can hide my wild past from anyone on earth...anymore than you can. She can watch the movie with you if she wants to. But I'm still not coming." He will force her to choose between them. He turned on her, "Do you want to go with Freddie and his friends tonight? I'm staying here." His heart stopped beating for those few seconds that elapsed before she formulated her polite answer.

"I can always watch it back in the UK. I have to have an early night today. The flight leaves at six tomorrow morning which means that I have to be up by three. Sorry Freddie."

"That settles it," said Josh. He felt elated. She had chosen him. No one had ever chosen him over Freddie. He smiled at her and took her hand, squeezing it with thanks. She smiled back.

Freddie saw the tender exchange and nodded at one of the blonde girls standing by the door. She gracefully glided across the room, bringing an irresistible whiff of expensive perfume with her. She elegantly lifted her tight lace dress and straddled Josh's lap, "Please Josh, it's our movie. You can't let me show up on my own. The public expects us to turn up together. Besides, we had an understanding with Freddie tonight...you know the party at his place. You wouldn't want to miss that."

Josh felt Maria stiffen as she hastily removed her hand from his grasp. This will not help with her trust issues. He roughly shoved the blonde girl off him and stood up. "It's not our movie, it's MY movie. You were just lucky to accompany me, that's all. I don't care what the public expects of me. And as for our understanding for tonight...well, I'm sure that Freddie can manage to keep you both happy and satisfied all throughout _the party_." He eyed both girls with disdain and gently pulled Maria into his own bedroom, leaving his guests to see themselves out.

But he knew that Freddie had somehow won the battle. Maria's tearful state was evidence of his tiny victory. If Freddie couldn't have her, then neither will Josh.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had your big premier tonight? You don't have to miss anything for me. I'll be fine. In fact I think I will have an early night. I think Freddie must have planned quite a party for you four after the movie. She is quite beautiful too so I'm sure you'll enjoy her...I mean... it...the party. I really don't mind if you go."

Josh remained silent, watching her as she kept flicking her curls away from her flushed face and pacing around the room, trying to keep her distance. Her words did not mirror her agitated actions. Maria looked at him, expecting him to say something but the silence stretched on.

"Josh, stop analysing me. You are wrong, I will be fine, I mean I _am_ fine. You don't have to feel guilty or anything. I am not hurt or bothered by all this. This was just a casual thing between us. It's true I am physically attracted to you but that is all. I'm sure you get that all the time, fans must fall at your feet, but that does not mean they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. We don't fit in each other's worlds. Everything will go back to normal tomorrow. Anyway, who is she?"

"She's Tanya. She starred with me in that movie."

"Have you ever been with her? Is she one of those many thousands of lucky girls? Not that I care, I'm just curious."

"Are you going to ask me that question every time you meet someone?" Then he shrugged, "Yes, on more than a couple of occasions and it was wildly reported too. Even Freddie has enjoyed her favours time and time again. Tanya is trying to boost her image by creating this fake illusion of a love triangle between the three of us. But believe me, love is the last thing on our minds when we're with her."

"What was I thinking, of course you would have slept with her, she is so beautiful. I bet gorgeous models turn you on, you will not bother yourself with plain mortals like me." She passed her hand across her cheeks, trying to hide the streaming tears.

"Don't be daft. You must be out of your mind if you think that I do not want to sleep with you. But I wanted something different between us. For goodness' sake Maria, I have asked you to marry me. You know pretty well that it is not just a casual thing between us and you are hurt and bothered. I'm sorry about all this, but you have to try to trust me. I should be the jealous one here; you were going to marry the guy, so you must have been in love with him. I have never been in love. True I have slept with them but I did not love them. There was nothing binding like love. It was just physical, nothing deep or meaningful. If you want my gory details you can look up the gossip magazines which I assume you never read otherwise you would have known about Freddie, Tanya and I. I have not tried to hide my past from you, but you have to judge me on the present and future, that is all I ask of you."

"My mum used to say that leopards never change their spots." Her voice cracked.

"Well, have it your way, I can't change my past. I wish that I could but I can't. Is this a goodbye then?"

"No." She sighed. "This is not what I had in mind when I took that hop-on flight. I thought that I could find it in my heart to forgive Rob and eventually move on and marry him, but I never thought that I would meet you to complicate matters even further. I am even more confused than before. I don't know why you could possibly want me when you could have someone like Tanya, I can't figure you out and that means I can't trust you. I just need more time."

"You can have all the time in the world as long as you don't marry Rob. I can wait." He circled his arms around her waist, "Come on, let's go and have that romantic dinner, it will be just you and me," and he bent down to kiss her forehead.

That simple act transported him to this hospital room...

....He was kissing her forehead as she lay on the bed, straining to push, grunting in pain, her face all red and sweaty.

" _I'm too tired, I can't push anymore," she cried as she slumped back on her pillows. She looked so fragile and weak._

" _Maria, you need just one final push, the poor baby needs to see her mum. Come on Maria, I know you can make it. It will all be worth it in the end," Josh said as he clasped her hand and leaned his forehead against hers, all the time wishing that he could make all her pain disappear. But his words seemed to soothe her. She took in a final deep breath and painfully pushed the baby away._

He looked at his baby daughter on his wife's heaving chest and his heart was suffused with happiness. He cried with joy. "Thank you, Maria. I love you, I always have and I always will."

He continued to stare at his daughter's perfect face but Maria was calling him back to the present. He did not want to tear his eyes away from that beautiful child but her voice was desperate, and he slowly dragged himself back to his bedroom.

He felt her frantically shaking his arm as she wiped his emotional tears of joy.

"Josh, open your eyes, what happened? You went completely blank. It seemed as though you were having a fit."

He looked into her brown eyes and he was swamped with emotion. His voice shook and he hugged her close to him as his tears ran down onto her face, "Maria, please don't leave me. I love you."

"Are you crying because you do not want me to leave? Why?"

He let her go and tried to gather his thoughts as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He vigorously rubbed his hands across his face. He had to find a convincing lie somewhere in his head and he had to find it fast, very fast. She would think that he was this pathetic man crying over nothing, but any man would cry when he saw the birth of his own children. But if he told her that, she would freak out and run a thousand miles. If a mere marriage proposal after one week sounded bizarre, the birth of their children would sound completely obsessive and mad.

He could feel a headache coming on. He cleared his throat to dispel his emotions and he started to lie. "No, I was not crying. I just have a headache. Those were tears of pain because I had this sharp spasm inside my head..." He did not expect her reaction to this lie. She burst out sobbing as she put her arms round his neck and curled up on his lap.

"Now, why are _you_ crying?" he asked, bewildered.

"Josh, you have to check this out immediately. The way you blanked out coupled with this headache has set my medical alarm bells ringing. It could be a serious bleed or a lesion inside your brain. We have to go to hospital...now. We can phone Freddie and he can run some tests. I will postpone my flight back to England and stay with you until we get to the bottom of this. How long have you had these symptoms? Did you tell anyone about them?"

He smiled; he had forgotten that he was lying to a doctor and that she was bound to name a disease to his made-up symptoms, so he continued to lie smoothly, "I have had these headaches ever since I was a boy. I have checked them out and they are nothing. It is just the way my brain is all wired up. But I am deeply moved by your concern. Do you care that much about me or do you cry over every patient's neck as soon as he tells you what he is suffering from? I think I like the Maria treatment."

She shyly removed her hands from around his neck and wiped her eyes, "No I don't usually do that, I don't know what came over me just now. Half of me, the reckless half, really cares about you... cares a lot, in fact cares a bit too much for my own liking and I panicked when I thought that something was wrong with you. That half wants me to stay with you forever and then I would deal with the consequences later when they arise."

"There will not be any bitter consequences, I will never hurt you, I promise."

"The other half of me, my common sense, is warning me to stay away. Josh, you might feel differently about me when I'm not near you...out of sight, out of mind...."

"Or absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Josh, I have to go and sort out my feelings. These two weeks have been the best in my life but I need to go back home and think about what I want out of my life and I can't do that with you around, you distract my thoughts. Besides, I owe it to Rob to break up decently and gently. He will be very hurt to know that I have moved on so quickly and that he is so easily replaced."

"You don't owe him anything," Josh replied jealously.

"I do. Despite what he did recently, he had always been there for me in the past when I was passing through difficult exam times and I suppose I did love him once."

"Now I wish that I was dying of whatever you thought I had. You would have stayed a little bit longer." He hung his head down in disappointment.

She smiled and kissed his pouting lips, "Right now my reckless half is telling me to continue doing what I was doing before we were so rudely interrupted by Freddie and those highly irritating stunning girls. At least the gorgeous Tanya will not have you tonight. She might have you on some other day, but tonight you are mine." She pushed him flat on the bed, laughing. He grabbed her round her waist and rolled over her, kissing her wildly, that romantic dinner will have to wait for now.

#  The Tall Dark-Haired Man

He was devastated. The familiar wounds had reopened and they were bleeding profusely into the very capsule surrounding his heart, choking him, suffocating him. He had been forced to revisit his childhood. He thought of that young boy patiently listening to his mother as she drummed in his head the fact that he was unwanted, unloved and unworthy. He thought of that young boy as he waited patiently for that scrap of leftover affection after others had had their fill, and he was grateful for that tiny morsel of kindness.

He was sitting, leaning forward, grasping his head between his hands. And he wept. He wept for that little boy.

Then Maria came to him and hugged him close to her, and all his pain vanished. His choking heart felt that spark of life again. What had he done to deserve her? Thank God he had her in his life.

The tall dark-haired man smiled as he watched the loving couple, he was happy...very happy....

Josh was on a transatlantic flight to England. He had passed his two-week test with flying colours, like he knew he would, but Maria still didn't know that. And throughout those two long lonely weeks the dreams kept badgering him relentlessly. They varied, sometimes they were good and at other times they were simply heartbreaking. Was that his life? They came in short snippets and he did not know in which order they occurred, sometimes he saw an older Maria and the ages of his children also varied. But what he did know was that the dreams were more intense and vivid whenever they were apart. It was as if the gods, or rather the tall dark-haired man was reminding him of his true place in life.

The day he took her to the airport was his worst day ever; he felt desperately hollow inside as he said his goodbyes. He feared that once she returned to her way of life, she would find it easier to go back to her original plans than to take a big gamble on him. He wondered if Rob would be waiting for her at the other end and if she would run into his arms as soon as she left the plane. Will Rob be able to give her a better life than him? In that case should he just give up the fight? But he didn't want to...and neither did the tall dark-haired man, his crazy subconscious.

The dreams got so scary during that first night apart that he decided to hire a private detective to follow her around for two weeks until he saw her again. He also commissioned the setting up of a secret surveillance camera inside her living room. That way he would be able to see her whenever he wanted to. He knew that this wasn't right and that she would probably, and rightfully so, call him an obsessive psychopath and kick him straight out of her life if she ever found out. But his intentions were good; he only wanted to keep her safe.

During one of his spying sessions he heard her talking to her brother on the phone, "...Oh, so it was dad who encouraged you to send him a copy of your book. I didn't know that......Oh yes, he read it and he really liked it too, but his agent wants him to take the safer option......I'm sorry but I don't think I'll ever see him again otherwise I would have put in a word or two on your behalf." So she still didn't believe in him. He phoned his agent that very second. A few days later he had the satisfaction of seeing her gasp in disbelief when her brother phoned back telling her all about the upcoming movie. Afterwards she cried herself to sleep, all the time fingering the bracelet he had given her.

She also took his advice and read all the gossip magazines, thanks to her annoying friend Anna who seemed to be the number one campaigner for Rob who in his turn was still under the impression that the wedding was still on.

"You will just be going from the frying pan into the fire. At least Rob had just one affair, but look at Josh...." Anna said as she showed her all the gruesome articles and pictures she could find. "He is arrogant and full of himself and no one is good enough for him. He will just sleep with you and break your heart."

"He is really nothing like that. He was very honest, transparent and considerate, and he never slept with me. Gosh I feel so stupid, my mind used to completely blank out whenever he looked at me and I practically begged him to go the whole way, but he was this perfect gentleman. We did intimate stuff together but never the final thing. At a certain point he would remember something and abruptly stop. There was something holding him back, just as there was something holding me back with Rob. Perhaps he didn't want me to contaminate his perfect list of stunning girls he had slept with. I always concluded that he did not like me that much, but then he would bizarrely propose. If I had said yes, he would have married me there and then without any hesitation."

"Don't be naive, if you had said yes he would have sprinted away. He was just playing with your head. You cannot possibly trust a guy like him," the devil's advocate insisted.

"Why are you so worried about all this? I will probably never see him again, except on TV. We come from two completely different planets and I don't see how this could possibly work. They were just two magical weeks, and now that we are back to reality everything will go back to how it should be. So I do not need to see more articles saying how mean and disgusting he really is. I'll be fine in a couple of days." But Josh could read through her pretence, she was not fine with knowing all the details and she cried when her friend left her apartment.

Anna also insisted on taking her to see his new movie. She must have hated seeing him with Tanya, but it was only acting and he hoped that she would see past that. Despite Anna's best efforts, Maria cancelled all her wedding plans, which was good for Josh, but that didn't mean that she was willing to forget his past. At least she still wore his bracelet. Josh knew that she was passing through a difficult time, he often saw her crying. He didn't know why she cried, it could have been because of Rob or because of him, or both.

He finally parked his car in front of her apartment. It was still three o'clock in the afternoon. She was usually home by five and he settled down in the car, reading a book. By six she had still not materialized and a few neighbours were giving him strange stares, so rather than risk causing an unnecessary pandemonium, he decided to walk to the hospital which was only five minutes away. He asked the receptionist and she gave him directions to her ward but not before he signed an autograph, he will not get his peaceful anonymity in England either.

He recognised the ward sister to be the highly irritating Anna. She gave him a thunderous look but she was courteous enough to tell him to wait by the side. Maria eventually emerged from a side room and approached her friend, unaware of his presence.

"Gosh it's so busy today. I've seen Mr. Todd and I have changed his medications. I'll see Mr. Smith next. I had to have a chat with his wife. Has she arrived yet?"

"No, but your American friend has," she told her with a degree of irritation as she nodded towards Josh. Maria spun round and her face burned bright red as Josh smiled and waved. She stood there, rooted to the ground, and after what seemed like an eternity she turned to Anna and told her that she would be in her office. Josh followed silently. On her way out of the ward she met the elderly Mrs. Smith.

"I'll come and see Mr. Smith in a second after I've seen...another patient. Don't worry, the results of the biopsy are very encouraging but I'll explain everything to you both later," Maria said as she smiled reassuringly and patted the older woman's shoulder.

"Oh bless you my dear, thank you, I have been so worried. Take your time, dear, I'll be near my husband whenever you are ready," Mrs. Smith replied, giving Josh a hard stare whilst kissing Maria's hands in gratitude.

_So she had this effect on English patients too_ , Josh thought as he noticed how easily people warmed up to her gentle words and gestures. "So, I'm your patient now, I like that. What do you want me to do, lie on the couch?" He laughed as she closed her office door. Then he saw her grave face. "I've kept my promise and here I am."

"You've chosen my brother's book," she accused. "Why...."

"No, no, there's no pressure on you. I've already signed and sent the contract, so if you decide to kick me out I cannot back out of it now. Besides, I told you that I liked the book before you said it was your brother's."

She seemed lost for words, confused and about to burst into tears.

"Maria, I've missed you so much that it hurt like hell. Time seemed to crawl by these past two weeks. If you've missed me half as much then you should give it a go. I am assuming that the wedding is off because you are still wearing my bracelet; otherwise you would have binned it. You did not expect me to come today so I am also assuming that you have looked up all the trashy gossip. A leopard can change its spots. Give me a chance to prove that. Follow your heart and not your mind."

She just stood there, torn in two, with tears rushing down her cheeks. He shrugged, turned round and opened the door.

"Wait..." She wiped her tears and looked up at him, "I still have another patient to see and it might take some time, so if you do not mind waiting here we can discuss this later at home; just talking, no promises. I'm sorry but I only have medical books in my office. You might want something else to read in the meantime. There's a bookshop...."

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the door, exhaling slowly, "I don't mind waiting and medical books would be fine."

After she left he looked around the office and saw a bunch of red roses vandalized in the wastepaper basket. He fished out a forgive-me note from Rob and he was glad he had not sent any flowers. He then took one of her books, sat down on her leather office chair and started reading about the cardiovascular system. He was not really interested in medicine but he had to keep his mind occupied. She came back after an hour and she laughed heartily when she saw what he was reading. Her previous suspicious and defensive attitude seemed to have evaporated in just one hour.

"Right, let's see what you remember, what is the treatment of angina?"

He regurgitated everything word perfect.

"Gosh, you would have made a brilliant doctor too," she said with admiration as she came round to his side and leaned on the edge of the desk.

"It's only reciting facts. It's a different story when you have to act on that information. Besides, I can tell you that I'm not so good with seeing blood and gruesome things. I was never much of a science person." He took her hand and played with her bracelet, turning it round and round. He looked at her dazed, admiring face. It was now or never. He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. She responded passionately without any hesitation and he could feel her heart hammering inside her chest as she clung to his neck. _OK, so far so good,_ thought Josh. There was no doubt in his head that the physical attraction was still there, and it was even severely clouding her better judgement.

"Do I turn you on with this memory thing, and in that case can I borrow the book as I might desperately need it tonight? I can learn it off by heart if that is what it takes for you to speak to me."

"Be my guest. Come on, let's get out of here, you have a lot of reading to do. The more you remember the greater will be your reward." She smiled as she stood up and created some decent space between them. "OK, so what are your plans?"

"This coming Sunday should have been your big wedding day, right? I assume that you would have gone on a honeymoon and that you are off work for at least the coming two weeks. I thought that instead we could go to Europe. I have agreed to have a chat with your brother sometime in the next two weeks, so we might see this Kemmuna Island you so highly recommended. Then we will take it from there. I have to go back to the States after three weeks for my next film. Promise, I will wriggle out of any dirty love scenes this time. Of course, if you don't want to come with me I will still go to Kemmuna to meet your brother, so don't feel pressured in any way."

"You do have it all planned out! Well, I'll think about it on our way home." She wasn't giving any promises but she was definitely mellowing down.

The door flew wide open and an angry Rob stormed in, he might have been angrier if he had come in a few minutes earlier and had seen them kissing.

"Anna told me about your American guest. You can't forgive me for one tiny mistake and yet you close your eyes to his million blunders. Don't be stupid, you don't know what you are getting yourself into. I promised your dad that I'll take care of you and I want to keep that promise. Your father won't approve of him."

"He won't approve of you either, so you can stop your emotional blackmail. What you did was beyond despicable. You could have slept with anyone off the street, but no, you chose my friend. Do you honestly think that I can still marry you after that?" She stopped, suddenly softening her tone and her blazing brown eyes. She was changing tactics.

"Listen Rob, we've been having this discussion for more than two weeks now, and nothing will ever change my mind. I don't ever want to get married, not to you nor to anyone else. It's too big a step. And I haven't replaced you with anyone else either. Josh is just a good friend, there is nothing going on between us." She paused, allowing her soft words to sink in. "I know that we were in love once and I will remember that time with deep tenderness. You were my first love and Italians say "Il primo amore non si scorda mai," ...you can never forget your first love. But Rob, if you look deep inside you, you'll know that you never really loved me. If you did, you would have waited for me. You will be able to move on. I'm positive about that." She had tried to sweeten the blow. She patted him on his arm in a friendly way and hastily left the room before he could come up with any counterarguments. Josh quickly followed.

"I really don't like being called just a good friend. Is that all I am to you?" Josh finally broke the silence as they walked the short distance to her apartment.

"Don't push your luck. I have to be honest with you; I don't know what I'm feeling right now. At least I am inviting you back to my apartment to discuss things. But no, I don't think you are just a good friend, I am not in the habit of kissing my friends that way. That was just a white lie to get him off my back."

"That's fine. At least I am a tiny bit more than a friend."

She paused in front of her door, deep in thought. "Josh, why did you come? Why are you being so nice to me whereas you are so mean and vicious to other women? And why me?"

"Well, there is a very long list of reasons, but here it goes. I think that you are unbelievably beautiful. Yes, there are many others who are just as beautiful, but in my eyes they do not even have one-tenth of your charm. But the physical attraction is nothing compared to my other feelings. You see, beauty is not very high on my list of priorities, because anyone can have that and looks will eventually fade away with time. I think that other factors are more important. We can really talk and laugh together, laughter that is not just superficial, but coming from deep within my heart. I feel happy when I am with you, and miserable and anxious when we are not together. I am insanely jealous of anyone who looks at you, especially Rob. Moreover I have this weird feeling that we belong together. I really don't want to go back to my previous empty existence now that I have found you."

She must have liked what he said because she nodded and opened the door to her apartment. They were barely past the threshold when they fell comfortably in each other's arms, kissing. Josh was only half aware of his surroundings, but as his eyes swept the hallway he stopped dead as if hit by lightning. There on the hallway table was a photo of the tall dark-haired man. "Who is he?"

"He's my dad. Are you all right, you've turned very pale."

Of course he would turn pale. He was seeing a dead man in his dreams. He felt faint and his heart was beating at a dangerously fast rate. He leaned his back against the wall. Maria took his shaking hand and dragged him inside the living room before he passed out in the hallway. He quickly loosened his tie before slumping down on the sofa. She fussed over him. In normal circumstances he would have relished this attention but now all he wanted was to be left alone to think. There must be a perfectly logical explanation. He assured her that he was fine and it was only a case of jet lag and exhaustion. She gave him a glass of water and left to take a quick shower.

He looked around the living room. It was familiar to him, having seen it when he had been spying on her. He had never seen the photo in the hallway because that bit was not under surveillance. Moreover, he had never made the connection between the man in his dreams and her father because he did not look like Maria, in fact they were extreme opposites; she was short with curly brown hair, and he was tall and huge with black straight hair. But she did have his eyes.

He remembered what Rob had said, about her father not approving of him, and he had to admit that he was absolutely right. Josh was any father's worst nightmare. So why was _this_ father invading his dreams? If he had not dreamt about that park he would never have gone there. Their paths shouldn't have crossed. Perhaps her dad just nudged him in that direction to save his daughter's life. But why choose him and not someone less wild? And now that the park incident was over and Maria was safe again, Rob must be her father's first choice. So what did he want from him now and why was he showing him snippets of his life with her? Her father's presence in some of his dreams was not just a coincidence.

"Did your father ever go to the States?" he asked her when she emerged from her shower. She was wearing a skimpy see-through dress that could only mean one thing, but he tried to focus on his problems, his dreams and the tall dark-haired man. He had to get to the bottom of this.

"He lived there with my mum and brother for six months way back when my mum was pregnant with me. He was doing some research on some really gifted people, but mum hated living in the States and wanted to come closer to home, so they settled here. At least Sicily is only three hours away by plane."

That must have been twenty-four years ago. Then a clear memory of a kindly young psychiatrist talking to the five-year-old Josh on a weekly basis sprang to mind. He had liked this man and their long mature discussions. That was it. He must have dragged the image from his five-year-old mind and applied it to his dreams. There was only one snag in this theory, the man in his dreams was the older version as seen in the photo, and not the younger doctor talking to the young Josh.

"I knew your father. I was one of the gifted children he researched. He phoned Julie and told her that the school had asked him to review me. I was five at the time and had probably read more books than an average teenager. I still remember those weekly visits. He was someone I used to enjoy talking to and he was the only person who actually understood me. I trusted him with all my secrets, just as I have trusted you. We talked about my parents, about life and destiny. He wanted to know all about my thoughts and dreams." Josh stopped. He was unlocking that dusty forgotten room now and all his memories came pouring out. This will not help with his sanity.

"I would go round to his house and after the sessions were over I would often play with your brother who is probably a year or two older than I am. I still remember him. He was not intimidated by my memory and he was never nasty about it. He was this huge friendly boy with a loud bellowing laugh."

"He still is exactly the same. He is the happiest and kindest person I know. But you'll soon see for yourself when you meet him. He won't believe this. I'm sure that he has not made the connection between that gifted boy and you...though my father must have. Max told me that it was dad who kept badgering him to send you his book. This is unbelievable. Tell me more."

"One day your father took us to this really windy beach and we spent hours flying your brother's wonderful kite. I can still remember the picnic lunch your mother prepared. She gave me the largest piece of her home-baked pizza. I was surprised because Freddie always got the bigger slice of anything when I visited my aunt every Sunday and I expected your parents to do the same to their son. But they didn't. They gave it to me, and your brother didn't resent it. That simple gesture was very important to me as a child. Being second best was something I had to live with... But, of course, I had told your dad about those feelings and he did his best to make me feel on top of someone's pile, at least for that one day." Josh wiped a stray tear.

"You were on top of Julie's pile."

"No I wasn't. If she could turn back time, the first thing she would do is to annul her daughter's accident. And where would that leave me? My mum would have killed me when I was just a few cells in her womb. The truth is Maria, that if Julie could, she would swap her present life with me for her previous life with her daughter without any hesitation whatsoever... But that's unfair. I have received nothing but love from her." Josh buried his face in his hands. Why was he so bitter towards life? He shouldn't have said that about his adopted mother. But when he was a child he had overheard his Aunt May whisper those very words to his uncle so many times that he had started to believe them. He shook his head and brought his thoughts back to that day on the beach. "Your mother looked like you, she had your face and same curly hair but she had deep blue eyes and she...she was pregnant with you."

Josh stopped abruptly as he remembered...

....The five-year-old Josh brushed his hand against the kind woman's big belly and he burst out crying. The psychiatrist took his hand and walked with him to the edge of the seashore, away from his pregnant wife and son. He sank on one knee.

" _What did you see, Josh? Why are you crying?"_

" _There's this fountain in this park where a beautiful woman is sleeping on a bench. Three men take her bag. She tries to stop them but they bash her head against a tree and drag her deep in the heart of the park. They break her arms to stop her from fighting them off and then they do things to her as they cheer each other on. They eventually leave. She gasps and closes her eyes. The wound on her forehead keeps bleeding. There is blood everywhere...." The boy was shaking with fear, and on that day his irrational phobia for bleeding wounds was born._

Josh started to feel sick. He was sweating profusely.

"Josh, are you all right?" Maria was saying, but her voice was distant and he could not focus on her face. He stood up and walked across the room, turning his back on her.

The five-year-old Josh continued to sob as he told the psychiatrist all about the room with the dead bodies, the morgue, where this man cried over the woman's corpse as he slipped a ring on her finger.

He could now confirm that the Rob he had seen a while ago in her office was the same grieving man. He had got every tiny detail correct, his startling blue eyes and the way his fair hair parted in the middle as well as the two tiny dimples on each cheek. And the young Josh had revealed every minute detail to the psychiatrist. No wonder her father never got on with the talented and handsome Rob.

Josh clutched onto a bookcase and closed his eyes...

... _The psychiatrist was listening to everything that young Josh had to say and he believed him. "Josh, my boy, you don't have to feel bad about the girl. You are the only one who could erase destiny and open alternative paths for her. You have to think hard about this and you have to believe in yourself, just as I believe in you._ "

That night that boy really thought hard about what his new friend had told him. The girl will not die. He was adamant about this. He drifted off to sleep and he changed everything. He stopped them from dragging her off the path, and the rape and morgue dreams disintegrated. Brand new vivid dreams took their place and he discussed them all with that young psychiatrist.

There was the pregnant girl walking down the church aisle, the birth of his children, swimming in Kemmuna, the scary cellar infested with rats and the harrowing crumbling cliff. The psychiatrist was pleased with these new set of dreams even though they were smeared with bad bits. "Josh, listen, life cannot always be plain sailing. There will inevitably be some bad moments. But you will be able to tweak things round and conjure up a more palatable outcome."

That boy was now gaining confidence, he had finally found someone who understood his complex thoughts and he no longer felt that desperate isolation....

"Josh?" There was a hint of fear in her voice.

He tried to refocus. He still had his back to her and he had no explanations to offer for his disturbed actions. He had to keep up a superficial conversation with her so that the other half of his brain would continue to remember. He turned round to face her.

... _the ten-year-old girl was falling off her horse. The hooves thumped on the ground as they narrowly missed her face.... "Your daughter will fall off her horse one day. But she'll be fine if she wears her helmet every time she goes riding," that young Josh was telling the psychiatrist as they discussed various issues in that oak-panelled office..._

He was going mad. No, he had always been mad.

"Maria, did you fall off your horse when you were about ten?"

"Yes, that was random. Why are you asking me that? And how did you know?"

What was he going to say, how could he possibly cover up his stupid question? That was not how he was supposed to keep up the light conversation. "I just remembered you telling me that you are terrified of horses and I assumed," he explained lamely as he rubbed his throbbing temples. That was why she looked so familiar, he had seen her plenty of times in his childhood dreams. But as he grew older he had rejected those dreams, locking them inside a forgotten room in his spacious mind.

"Josh, you don't look too well. You should sleep it off. I have only one bedroom I'm afraid. You are welcome to use my bed. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"No, I'll be fine on your sofa. I am tired and I do have a headache. Though, I really wanted to finish reading your medical book." He laughed feebly.

"We can discuss everything in the morning." She got him some pillows and quickly turned the sofa into a bed. He thankfully sank down, feeling drained out. But she was reluctant to leave him.

"Josh, what else do you remember about my father?"

"I was five and I forgot the details," he lied; he never forgot things. Now that he had unlocked that room he could even remember the psychiatrist's every facial expression as they discussed several complex issues like two grown-up adults. "I remember discussing things and he did make me feel better but in the end he had to start a new life in the UK. And he just left." The psychiatrist's sudden departure had hurt that young Josh perhaps as much as his mother's spiteful rejections. He felt let down at a time when he really needed his help. And that was probably the reason why he had locked everything in that forgotten room. He never wanted to remember the psychiatrist or his daughter or those crazy six months. The only remaining vestige of that period in his life was the park dream with its chilling screams that kept haunting him throughout his childhood. But eventually he outgrew that too.

"This coincidence is so unbelievable," Maria mused.

"Yes it is, but we do live in the same world and these things do happen. It was just a distant episode from my past, that's all," he tried to convince her.

She bent down and tenderly kissed his lips as she bid him goodnight.

"Is this how you say goodnight to your great friends?" He laughed as he pulled her on top of him and continued to kiss her, forgetting everything else as he filed his insane memories away. He will think about them later.

Now his whole mind was occupied by her presence, her sweet scent and her soft curvy body covered by the scanty clothes she had chosen to wear for his benefit. He had easily read through her intentions as she came out of her bedroom, wearing just the right amount of clothes, revealing just enough to drive him insane. The reckless half of her brain must be working overtime. Those flimsy bits of clothing were so easy to tear away and they were soon naked and rolling on the sofa bed. And she never stopped him.

He could do anything. It was his decision and he was so dangerously close. Josh forced himself to think of the pregnant Maria walking down the church aisle. He remembered the tall dark-haired man, he had looked happy to see his heavily pregnant daughter kiss her new husband in that English church. He had approved of that union and so he must have approved of the previous activities in bed. Therefore he could just continue....

But it was Josh himself who desperately wanted to tweak that dream and change destiny. Fundamentally he wanted her to marry him because she loved him and not because she had to. They can have all the fun in the world after they got married. So he broke his embrace and covered her with his shirt as he whispered hoarsely, "Maria, you should go to your bedroom and lock the door. We still have to discuss things in the morning, right?"

She looked at him, sheer bewilderment in her big brown eyes. She hastily put on his shirt and buttoned it up; her scanty torn clothes would do nothing to hide her embarrassment. The magazines had all highlighted his mean side and how he would sleep around and break every heart, and yet, here she was, stupidly offering herself on a plate with no strings attached and he had not taken advantage of that. He was acting very strangely and out of character with her. And it was not as if he didn't want to finish it off too. Men could never fake lust. She could see him struggling as he squeezed everything back into his tight boxers.

She would give away everything she owned just to know what he was thinking. She could feel his gaze slowly analyzing her and she knew that he could easily read through her disappointment. She could not meet his eyes, she just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. She was about to crawl back to her room but he held her hand and stopped her.

"Maria, don't be angry with me. You want to know what I'm thinking, right? I'm thinking how great it would be if we got married and could do this all the time without any guilt stopping us...well, stopping me. You have the church booked for a wedding this Sunday, it seems such a waste not to take advantage of it. The only difference to your original plans will be the groom and the ring, I'll choose that myself."

"Stop proposing, it's freaking me out. You heard what I said to Rob...I don't ever want to get married...and that applies to you too. I just want, well, something without any strings attached. I just want a casual relationship. It is what you usually offer to those other millions of girls. You never proposed before you slept with them. So why are you being so different with me? Since when are you feeling guilty about sleeping around? I don't think the gossip magazines are all lies, there must be some truth hidden inside each article. Don't bother lying about guilt feelings."

"I promise, it is not a lie. I'm sorry but I don't want a casual physical relationship this time and I will not cross the threshold unless we get married. After that the sky is our limit and we can stay in bed the whole day. I am a hundred percent sure that we will have a very happy life together." He wanted to tell her about the four beautiful children they would share but he was not even sure if they were real or just figments of his imagination. In any case, if marriage freaked her out, kids would surely drive her insane.

"How can you be so sure about that? You hardly know me." She looked at him and he raised his eyebrows. She had to laugh, "Well all right, you can read my every thought and I guess you know me more than I know myself. It is really amazing how you can answer my thoughts without me even expressing them. But I am not ready for commitment yet."

"That's fine, I can wait, but in the meantime I would appreciate it if you could refrain from wearing such flimsy dresses, they only end up in rags and they make my mission more difficult to achieve. They almost served their purpose tonight. You could only have worn them for one thing."

She flushed and looked down; she could hide nothing from him. He knew her inside out. She rose to leave but he pulled her back, "Please think about that European trip. I know that you have not made up your mind about it and we can discuss this further in the morning when you give me my shirt back." He slid his hand up her back beneath his shirt. He could not decide what looked better on her, the flimsy dress or his shirt. But he had to stop now, he did not know how much more he could take in one night, so he gave her a final goodnight kiss and she left for her room.

He settled back, thinking about the tall dark-haired man. But he could not get to the bottom of things. Everything must have a logical explanation behind it but he was not going to try and find it. He will do what he always did with all unexplainable things, lock them up and forget all about them until it was time to reopen that room and recall every single detail.

****

Josh opened his eyes. He felt unusually refreshed. He had slept so soundly on that sofa and he had had no dreams. But he had somehow predicted this. He looked at his watch and realized with a shock that it was already two in the afternoon. He wondered if Maria would kick him out. Last night her reckless half had dominated and she had let him get close to her. Today might be different. He could hear her cooking in the kitchen.

"Sorry, I overslept." He leaned against the kitchen doorframe. She was decently dressed in a tight pair of jeans and T-shirt. There were no seductive flimsy dresses that morning. Her sensible half must have taken over.

"That's all right. You always look so tired and drawn. I was pleased to see you sleep so soundly...Josh, I'm sorry about last night."

He immediately knew that she was still torn in two; she had not reached her decision about the trip. If she said no he will have to rethink his strategy. He would abandon his firm belief on free will and he would easily manipulate her so that her reckless half would dominate again. She will eventually thank him for his manipulation. But he wanted to give her the chance to say yes without flashing his smile or trying to seduce her. So he hung his head down and studied the floor pattern as he answered, "Forget it, it's not your fault. Besides, I enjoyed it too."

"OK, so I can forget my forward and lusty behaviour last night." She quickly changed the subject. "Are you hungry? You've missed breakfast but lunch will soon be ready."

"That smells really good."

"Well, as you can see I have to cook, I am not so pampered here," she smiled.

"I can try to cook next time, if you would dare to try me out." He cleared his throat. "Maria, do you want a next time?" he finally asked.

She seemed to hesitate and then said slowly, "When do we set off for Europe?"

His face lit up. He crossed the room and hugged her close to him, she had said yes and he had not used his physical charms this time. "Thank you Maria."

# Plan B

She smiled at him and exited the room. Josh quickly knelt beside her suitcase. He opened it and found her small brown leather bag. He seemed to hesitate. He didn't want to manipulate her and strip her out of her own free will, but he had no choice, she was being so stubborn. He shrugged and opened the small brown bag.

The tall dark-haired man nodded and smiled, this was devious and deceitful, but it was the only way...

... _..The years rolled by and she was pregnant with his fourth child. She was as beautiful as ever, the tight dress she had managed to squeeze herself into accentuated her curves and her swollen pregnant breasts heaved up and down as she fumed away, her anger and pain palpable. She paced restlessly around the room._

" _Why do you have to work with her? Oh yes I forgot, you have no choice, you have slept with all of them, so if it's not one it's another. Josh, I hate you and your filthy past and a thousand years of marriage will never erase the frustration I feel. I should never have married you. But then again you manipulated me into that too."_

" _Maria, that is not fair. I have been faithful to you from day one and the life I had before I knew you is all gone. It is the present that matters. And my present is clean...but yours isn't. You are constantly flirting away with Freddie in his crummy lab. What are you trying to do? Maria, please don't pay me back with Freddie. Your place is here with me and your other three children."_

She threw a cushion at his face and headed straight for the door. "You have no right to tell me where my place is. I'm late for Freddie's Christmas party and you are going to stay here babysitting your own children while I dance the night away with whoever wishes to dance with a four-month pregnant woman. I'm sure that your sex driven cousin will happily oblige." She went out, slamming the door...

Josh opened his eyes. He hated dreams like these, but he guessed that arguments were inevitable in any happy marriage...if there would ever be a marriage. A year had passed since that day he had first set eyes on Maria and he was still proposing and she, still refusing. However, he could not complain because other than that they connected on every other level and their relationship was growing stronger with every second that passed. Josh recalled with tenderness their European trip a year ago...

They drove on to Paris that very same day. That was their first stop, the city of love, and it certainly lived up to its name. They spent four magical days there before setting off for the Swiss Alps and then down to Venice, Rome and Pompeii. Pompeii was her favourite and Josh was pleased to see her so happy and enthusiastic as they explored the ancient Roman ruins. He memorised the site map and history facts and he gave her a flawless tour of the place. As always she was impressed with that photographic memory, saying that he was the best tour guide she had ever met, and the best looking too. She never spared a thought for her missed wedding; as far as she was concerned she had definitely made the right decision and she had no regrets.

Their final destination was Malta. The Maltese archipelago, the jewel of the Mediterranean Sea, boasted of a rich history as well as beautiful blue sea, sky and scorching sun. They roamed about the prehistoric Neolithic temples predating the pyramids of Giza and Josh found them to be exquisitely unique and compact just like the island itself. Kemmuna, one of the smaller islands in the Maltese archipelago, was indeed a perfect paradise. He recognised the place as the island he had seen in one of his 'good' dreams.

Kemmuna was welcoming, unlike her brother's opening words, "If you ever hurt my baby sister you will have to answer to me. I don't care about the sales you are about to generate for my book. My sister's happiness is the most important thing to me. So you had better shed your old habits fast." Then the huge cuddly bear laughed warmly and welcomed them all in his home and heart. Josh liked him immensely despite his initial threat. He was very easygoing and friendly just as he remembered him in his five-year-old mind. The very thought of him turning Josh into mincemeat was hilarious. They would spend hours discussing issues in his book and also millions of other things. Josh knew that the feeling of warmth and respect was mutual and Max seemed to enjoy their conversations as much as he did. Maria was pleased with this because apparently her brother had had plenty of clashes with the pompous Rob.

So Josh seemed to have clicked with all members of the Conti family including their late father who still visited him in his dreams, showing his weird approval for the possible union between the licentious wild actor and his daughter. "Don't try to convince me," Josh would often say out loud after one of his dreams, "I know what I want. It is your hard-headed daughter who needs convincing." Then he would laugh out loud at his own madness.

Her other relatives all flocked to greet them from Sicily. They eagerly sailed the sixty miles to Kemmuna to meet the A list celebrity who was in love with a member of their family. Aunts, cousins, second cousins, they all came, the entire Conti clan. The strong family bond in the Mediterranean was something he had never ever seen before. There were plenty of hugs, kisses and flamboyant gesticulations accompanying the cheerful and energetic conversations. They spoke perfect English but they would often converse in Italian in his presence. He did not understand what they were saying but he knew that he was the main topic of their conversation and they even had the gall to stare straight at him and laugh. And Maria seemed to encourage such behaviour.

"Can you please tell your cousins to stop speaking in Italian when I am there? What were they saying about me and why were you laughing your head off?" he asked, annoyed.

"It's just a bit of fun. But you will be pleased to know that you've got a ten out of ten for your...err... cute bottom. Perhaps you should start learning Italian if you would like to know the rest of your scores." Maria smiled as she started to kiss him.

"Oh, so that was what you and your dirty Italian cousins were sniggering about. No wonder your brother just rolled up his eyes and roared with laughter. Oh well, I don't really mind as long as I got an A star in your set of scores," he laughed, soon forgetting his previous irritation.

He nonetheless tried to ignore them and often went off to play with Max's two kids, who thought the world of him. He constantly entertained them with fantasy stories and they would spend hours watching him act out silly parts. They would climb on his lap and beg for a performance.

"You're good with children," Maria said as they swam in the crystal blue sea.

"I want four of my own." He drew her closer and whispered seductively in her ear, "And I've chosen you to be their mother." He looked out at the horizon, seeking encouragement from the deep blue sky and he asked her to marry him yet again, but as expected, she refused. He had hoped that the magic of the island would soften her heart. But she always needed more time.

_You see,_ Josh sent out a thought to her dead father, _I am doing my best, but she keeps refusing_. But perhaps she was right, it was way too early, it was just that the dreams were so persistent.

Those two weeks raced by and they returned to their life, she to the UK and he to the States. Josh spent that whole year crossing the Atlantic Ocean to and fro whenever he could. But the constant travelling coupled with the incessant dreams were wearing him out. But today he would try to take care of that. He had everything planned out and he will make the offer as tempting as he possibly could. He looked at the ring on the bedside table and wondered what she would say. She will probably ask for more time, but he had to try. He got out of bed; he had a long day ahead of him.

****

He could hardly wait for her to open the door and he nervously touched the box in his jacket pocket. "I've missed you," he told her. He lifted her up and swung her round. The world around them faded away as they moved slowly into the lounge, tight in each other's arms, kissing and hugging. She slipped his jacket off his shoulders and started unbuttoning his shirt. He likewise began to strip the few clothes she had.

When they came dangerously close, Josh reluctantly stepped away and went into the bathroom. He was still persisting with that insane carnal fasting and he had just about reached his limit. He splashed cold water over his face and stared at the mirror. He wished that her love was deep enough to go past his attractive physique. If it did she would have forgiven his past and accepted his proposal by now. But that forgiveness would probably never come, he had dreamt about it that very morning; his immoral past will repeatedly haunt him.

But perhaps a proper romantic proposal with an exquisite ring in idyllic surroundings would somehow touch her heart. He had everything planned for that evening.

He went out of the bathroom, still drying his face with a towel, and he saw her sitting on the floor with the unopened box in her hand. It must have fallen out of his jacket pocket. She looked at him. He knew the answer to his unasked question. He flung the towel away in anger, feeling as though his heart had just been dipped in acid.

"Damn it, Maria, why are you doing this to me...to us? Can't you see that it's tearing me apart every time I leave you behind? Haven't I suffered enough, haven't I done enough to prove to you how much you mean to me? I can't keep going across the Atlantic to and fro forever."

"I want things to stay the way they are, the word marriage can mess with your head. Look at Rob, the word marriage just freaked him out and sent him running into someone else's bed. I'm sorry, I will not marry you but I do love you." And she moved closer to him but he pushed her back, took the box out of her hands and flung it across the room.

"Obviously you don't love me enough to forgive my past."

"You had no problem with sleeping with thousands of women and now you are going all noble with me. We don't need to get married to go the whole way. I'm not stopping you. You are the one who is insisting on this."

"Do you really think that I want to marry you just to have sex? I want to be with you for something that is beyond physical. I want to start a family with you, I want your kids. I am ready to commit but you aren't. It pains me to say that you feel nothing more than physical attraction for me and it had always been like that for you from the very start. You are no better than the other women I slept with in the past." He passed his fingers through his hair, wishing that he could tear his face apart. "Maria, you had no problem accepting Rob's proposal but you will not even consider mine. And do you know why? Because you can never love me for what is deep inside me, the way you loved Rob... But perhaps you are right, I'm not worth loving." His childhood insecurities came hurtling down on him, he was unloved, unwanted and unworthy, he had been rejected all his life and this was nothing new. Even his own mother hated him.

He stormed out to the kitchen and Maria could hear him banging on the cupboard doors as he rummaged around for some tea. She stayed rooted to the spot. She knew that he was wrong. She loved him, and not only for his perfect face and physique. But she didn't trust him. If Rob could have betrayed her, what chances could there be for Josh? She had to keep him trailing along, begging, never giving him the one thing he wanted, marriage.

She walked slowly into the kitchen. He was leaning against the cupboards, his head down, his jaw clamped hard and his hands in fists. He was in agony but he managed a final plea, "Maria please, don't do this to us, trust me."

"I will never marry you, Josh. If I do, you'll stop loving me the way you do now. You were never the marriage type and you will eventually get bored and go back to your old ways. That would break my heart. I can't trust you. Perhaps I need more time."

"You keep asking for more time. OK, I'll give you more time. At least say you'll come with me to the Oscar ceremony in two weeks' time, I have been nominated. You can come as my new fiancée rather than my wife. I want to make this official."

"Gosh that's brilliant, wow you've already won two Oscars and you're nominated again. No one stands a chance with you around."

"So will you come?"

"I'm sorry Josh. I don't really fit in your world."

"You can't say no to both things I have asked of you today. I come to your staff parties and endure the stiff smiles and Rob's outright fawning; we are going to one this afternoon if I may remind you. I endure it for you, why shouldn't you do it for me." He studied her face and saw that she would not move an inch. "Fine, if you won't come with me then I won't go at all. Anyway, who cares about the Oscars? From now on I will not go to any public ceremony unless you're by my side."

Her protests turned into a heated argument and they were still in this bitter state of war when they arrived at the staff party some five hours later. They moved to opposite sides of the room. Their hurt was evident to everyone present and the vultures started moving in, taking advantage of the fact that, for the first time, they were not joined together at the hip. Rob was the first to swoop down.

Josh went up the stairs and leaned over the railing, wanting to be left alone, but that was not to be. He was quickly joined by the irritating Anna. Josh gave her a cold stare and waited for her to express her delight at his misery.

"So, you've had a big argument, eh," she said gently.

"Is it that obvious?" he said with sarcasm as he twirled the ice in his glass and looked murderously at Rob who was sliding his hands along Maria's back, obviously complimenting her on her tight-fitting black silk dress. He had to admit, she did look wonderful that night.

"She doesn't love him you know," she said as she followed his gaze.

"Why are you here? I thought you disapproved of me, you should be down there celebrating with Rob." He eyed her suspiciously.

"I did disapprove at first, but I shouldn't have judged the book by its cover. I know that you truly want the best for her and you make her happy. Anyone who does that is my friend. She helped me through a rough time in the past. My husband died when I was pregnant with my third child. He never saw our little boy. I was a total wreck but Maria helped me see that light at the end of the dark tunnel...as I'm sure she did to you. Now I want to help her. Give her time; I know that she is madly in love with you."

"She is managing to hide that fact very well," Josh snorted.

At that moment Anna was elbowed out by three girls who were eager to grab his attention. He listened to their constant chatter, bored stiff, all his attention glued to the fawning Rob. He caught Maria's eye and decided to give her a dose of her own medicine, so he turned on his acting mode and leaned over the girl closest to him.

"Blue really matches your eyes and makes your skin glow," and he lightly touched her face. He never saw the girl's dazed reaction because he was busy looking at Maria who was pushing her way through the crowd, desperately wanting to leave the room before anyone saw her tears.

"Sh... " Josh swore silently as he ran down the stairs after her. He saw her going down to the car park and he called her, "That was a very stupid thing for me to do. I only did it for your benefit, to perhaps instil in you a tiny amount of jealousy. Please forgive me. I don't want you to cry." He looked pleadingly at her, clasping his hands together, begging for forgiveness.

"That hurt you know," and she turned to go but he caught her arm and pulled her back.

"Don't leave, I'll go, this is your party. Rob will be more than happy to give you a lift home. We don't want the same thing out of this relationship, so I might as well pack and leave. Goodbye Maria." He closed his eyes tight in pain as he kissed her on her forehead.

"No Josh, I don't want you to go. Perhaps you are right; I should come to the Oscar ceremony. And...this proposal," she sighed. "If you could just give me some more time, perhaps six months, till I sort out the research project I'm on. I can't be distracted by anything else at the moment. I need six months. Then we will talk again."

He looked down, it was not exactly what he wanted, there were no promises for what would happen after six months, just talking, but it was a compromise. And anyway, leaving was just an empty threat. He was never going to leave her because he would always go grovelling back to her terms and conditions in the end. He will always accept any small scrap of affection she wished to hand out to him, even if it were just physical lust.

He wound his arms around her shoulders and he was immediately transported to a crowded school hall....

... _His shoulder was rubbing against hers as they sat listening to the headmistress' long dreary speech. She finally called out the first name on her list._

" _Ben Blake...for his outstanding achievements in..."_

His face lit up with pride as his son went up onto the school stage, gathering his outstanding rewards which ranged all across different subjects. Josh clapped loudly as he leaned over his wife and looked into her eyes. The love between them was electric. They were both so happy that they could share their gifted son...

He came back to the parking area. It was obvious now; he had to be ruthless and manipulative. He had to execute plan B. "Let's get out of here," he said as he led her to his car. He drove on in silence and after some time Maria noticed that they were heading in the wrong direction.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," and he continued to drive towards the tranquil countryside. Eventually he turned off the road and went through an archway. The tall black gates stood wide open, waiting for their arrival. He continued cruising down a long driveway which was flanked on either side by tall ancient oak trees. This finally led to a quaint fairytale cottage bang in the middle of a private forest. The air was still and silent, pierced only by the chirping birds in the trees and the gentle flow of water down the nearby stream.

He had planned to propose in these idyllic surroundings. But plan A had been thwarted now. He went round and opened her car door, watching her bewildered face as she took in the magic of the place.

"This should have been your wedding present. But you can still keep it; the property is in your name anyway." And he pressed the keys in her hand.

"You bought a house for me!" she exclaimed with tears in her eyes, "I'm really, really sorry."

"No, I bought it for us to hopefully enjoy forever, but I can wait for that forever," and he lifted her in his arms and went inside the house. She hardly saw the rooms as he swept her into the large upstairs bedroom.

He stood before her. He started to play with her hair, letting the perfect curls slip through his fingers. "Rob liked your black dress, didn't he?"

She smiled and nodded.

"Well, I like it too. I must admit, you do look beautiful tonight. It's a pity that the black dress will have to go so soon," and he undid the straps around her neck and slid it down to the floor. "I hate it when Rob looks at you. I hate it when anyone looks at you. I hate having to leave you behind every time I have to go. I love you, Maria and my marriage proposal will remain there on the table until you want to take advantage of it. I just hope that I'm still not waiting in fifty years' time. Perhaps you will eventually realise that you love me for myself and not for my outer wrapping."

She opened her mouth to protest but he closed her lips with his thumb, he did not want any more debates that night. He started to trace his finger over her lips, slowly and lightly. She trembled with pleasure. He took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist and he could feel her pulse going dangerously fast. She closed her eyes, savouring the moment. Yes right, she can protest till the cows came home, but Josh was convinced that physical attraction was all there was from her end.

He gently pushed her down onto the enormous bed.

"I don't want to stop. I don't think I can stop. Unless you really really want me to, and if that is the case you must help me out. I cannot do it on my own tonight," he murmured.

But she had no intention of stopping.

****

Josh lay back on his pillow. He had been right; sex combined with love was a truly powerful mind-blowing experience. This was the first time he had ever sampled that perfect harmonious blending of the two.

He propped himself on his elbow and he beamed at her. "I love you, Maria. I always have and I always will." His intense black eyes searched her face for any signs of regret. But he did not find any.

#  Giving Destiny a Helping Hand

"...I would like to thank my beautiful fiancée who has touched my frozen heart and changed my life. I am a better person because of you Maria. Marry me. Just say yes to my ring... I would also like to thank the producers...." and he looked at her flushed face as he continued with the long list of people he really didn't want to thank but had to mention anyway.

Josh returned to his seat with the Oscar in his hand and he kissed her under the full glare of the cameras. Maria was not used to these public displays of affection and she felt very vulnerable and self-conscious. "Whatever made you say that," she whispered, annoyed to bits.

"I wanted to take my chances and propose in front of the whole world." He winked and flashed his smile and he knew that he was forgiven for exposing her to that public life she hated so much.

He looked at her from a distance at the after-ceremony party. Despite her previous claims that she didn't fit in, she had taken to the environment like a fish to water. He studied the way people reacted to her soft gentle voice and caring gestures, her light pat on the arm, her bright smile, or the nod of her head as her eyes held a steady gaze, not blinking or flitting, giving her total undivided attention. She listened, a very rare gift found in the very few. And people liked being heard and understood, it made them feel important and worthwhile. He had felt this firsthand himself and she had been his life-changing experience. It was evident to everyone who had known him previously that the cold heartless Josh had thawed into a human being.

He saw her talking to Uncle Phil. He was probably unloading all his worries about his ailing wife who had recently been diagnosed with bowel cancer. His uncle had truly found his soul mate in Aunt May and the news had absolutely shattered him. Josh felt sorry for him. He had often observed that raw affection between the couple and he greatly envied Freddie for having parents who were still deeply in love after so many years of marriage, and who also doted on their son, the product of that love.

To be fair, they doted on Josh too, and he could still remember his aunt scolding Freddie about his lack of hospitality, "...poor _Josh, no one cares about that miserable boy. It is our duty to make him feel welcome and wanted at least one day a week on Sundays_." That often made him feel like a charity case but he was grateful to his aunt for even trying to make his Sunday a bit brighter.

And similarly Uncle Phil had also tried to actively participate in his life despite Freddie's deep resentment towards sharing his father with the unwanted but extremely bright boy. This bitterness was sharpened by the fact that Josh and Phil had the same interests and innate acting talents making Freddie feel unappreciated, which he wasn't really. Uncle Phil was proud of both boys and their different achievements. Josh saw his uncle's pride again that night when he won the Oscar. Uncle Phil had been nominated in the same category and, even though he lost the title to his nephew, he still had that same proud look on his face that he had always had after school plays or prize days.

He saw Freddie join his father. Josh did not like the hungry glances and flirting comments his cousin constantly flung at Maria. Freddie still had an endless list of pretty girls dangling on his arms but he could not resist the chance to undermine his boring cousin and have everything for himself. Josh quickly weaved his way through the crowd and joined them.

"Ah, here is the man of the moment. You are indeed a lucky soul to have her in your life," Uncle Phil said as he playfully slapped Josh on the back.

"I know, I constantly thank my lucky stars." Josh grinned as he took Maria's hand and kissed it lightly, his lips lingering for some seconds more than was necessary. He could see that familiar daze in her eyes, his kiss never failed him.

But Freddie seemed intent on changing the subject and monopolized her with asking endless questions about her cancer research project. Aunt May was in the clinical trial for the new drug Maria had been researching in her lab and which she hoped would halt or greatly slow down cancer cell division. Naturally Freddie would be interested in it. Even though it was all Chinese to Josh, he nonetheless endured it and stuck by her side. He kept thinking of that night when he planned to fly to Yellowstone Park and spend a romantic week there. She had once, in passing, talked about her deep fascination with the place, and Josh had picked on it and organised everything as a surprise. He thought about his "Plan B." He had seen it in his dreams. It was deceitful and evil. He hated it. But everything was fair in love and war.

****

"You don't have to unpack, we are going somewhere special and we will leave tonight," Josh told her when they returned home. Maria had only arrived a couple of hours before the ceremony and had quickly changed into an outfit selected by Rita. She had had no time to unpack. "Rita has put together another bag for everything else you may need for the trip."

"You spoil me rotten, you know. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, you'll like it. We still have some time left, why don't you go and take a shower. I have a quick phone call to make and then I can join you and scrub your back." He kissed her and flashed that impish grin that she liked so much.

He heard her close the door and turn on the tap. He quickly opened her suitcase. He had no trouble finding her small, brown leather bag; he knew exactly where it was thanks to his dream. He hesitated for a while, he hated doing this but her father had approved of what he was about to do. In fact he had repeatedly shown him the dream so that he could no longer ignore it. It was a very weird thing for a father to want, but Josh guessed that the old man knew his stubborn daughter well enough.

He shrugged and took out the sheet of foiled pills. She had told him that she would start taking oral contraceptives after what happened the other night. It was a long discussion on her part but she soon realised that he had no interest in participating. Oral contraceptives could only delay destiny and the church dream. He realised that, however hard he tried, he could never tweak that particular dream and she would never marry him unless she was heavily pregnant. He now had to float along with destiny; he no longer had the energy or the will to fight it.

So he had to play dirty. He will dispose of next month's batch of pills too, and the following months as well, he will always find a way even if he had to replace them with placebo pills. His scheming manipulating side had emerged again. He was playing with fire and he might get severely burnt but he had to take that dangerous risk. He wrapped the pills in a paper bag and binned them.

He stripped down naked and fixed his perfect smile as he opened the shower door and stepped in. He slid his fingers through her long wet curls and drew her closer. He bent down and kissed her as the water flowed over their heads.

****

"Oh Josh, Yellowstone, I have always wanted to come here. You are so thoughtful, I really don't deserve you." She had tears in her eyes as she fiercely hugged him.

"We will be staying in one of those mountain cabins, come on let's check them out."

She went into the bathroom to refresh herself. She smiled as she put on the delicate lacy things Rita had packed for her. They were sexy and elegant. Rita's tastes were indeed impeccable. She opened her brown leather bag and scowled. She slowly emerged from the bathroom. He was lying on the luxurious circular bed and his eyes widened as he appreciated that perfect touch of seduction. She lingered by the side of the bed.

"Josh, I'm sorry. I forgot to pack my contraceptive pills. Do you have anything else?"

"Nope." He smiled cheekily as he took her hand and jerked her towards him. She fell on top of him, laughing. She was happy here with him. He must have spent ages planning this wild romantic week in the middle of nowhere and she was not about to deflate his dreams.

_Oh well_ , she thought _, I will just have to take that risk, nothing happened last time._ She soon forgot her concerns and she let him lead her wherever he wanted.

****

Josh held his youngest daughter in his arms. She was weeping bitterly onto his shirt collar, her long brown curls splayed all over his shoulder. His other three children were clutching his jacket for that tiny bit of comfort. But nothing could erase the pain that was splashed all over their faces.

He could hear their sobs echoing along the path lined with tall cypress trees, he could smell the freshly laid flowers, but above all he could feel that desperate black limbo engulfing his whole existence. But he had to act yet again. His whole life was just one big performance. This time he had to act for the sake of his children. He had to be strong for them and help them rebuild their life in their empty home.

He watched as the wooden coffin was lowered. He winced as it scraped the sides and finally found its resting place deep within the cold damp earth. He squeezed his eyes shut and he endured the sound of the earth being piled onto his one true love.

The sound stopped. Everyone was looking at him. He gathered his children around him as he quickly bent down and placed a single red rose on his wife's grave...

.... But then the dream fragmented and his wife was there beside him. He held his youngest daughter in his arms but she was no longer crying. She was happily sucking on her left thumb and tousling his hair with her other hand. His other kids were playing further along the cemetery lane. Maria bent down and placed a single red rose on her parents' grave.

No one saw the tall dark-haired man standing by the side of his tombstone. He was happy. He could finally rest in peace....

Josh woke up with his heart laden with sorrow. Maria was near him, sleeping peacefully with her head on his shoulder and her arm around his waist. How could anyone bear to live their life when they already knew their future, already knew that they would one day lose that one person that really mattered? True, there were also good dreams, times that made all this misery worth it, times that would hurt even more if they never existed.

He had often wondered whether she would be better off without him in her life. He would do it for her if she would be safe and happy, he would leave her even though it would kill him. But such thoughts were always accompanied by even more intense dreams and her dad would look at him, begging him to accept his destiny. Strangely enough, her father thought that she had better chances of survival if Josh stayed by her side. He had already changed her fate that day in the park and apparently Lady Destiny would continue to try to claim her prize and he would have to keep blocking her way. He could only do that if he married her. His evil manipulating plan would then be justified.

But the very fact that the dream fragmented and changed was a tiny ray of sunshine in an otherwise dull and misty day. He must have the ability to change the outcome somewhere deep inside him. Her father seemed to believe in him.

He closed his eyes but the image of his weeping children kept persecuting him. He felt bile rising deep within his stomach. He ran to the bathroom and fell sick.

She rushed to his side, "What's wrong, you look ghastly."

"It must be something I ate." He dismissed her helping hand, splashed cold water over his face and staggered back to their bed. He wanted to tell her about the dreams, he hated having secrets but he knew that he should suffer in silence. She was not strong enough to know the truth...and, more importantly, she would think that he was a freaking lunatic.

"I'll stay here with you; I don't have to go tomorrow." She climbed on the bed next to him, looking down on his tortured face. It was the last day of their vacation, the following morning she would leave for England and he would go to Africa to begin filming the first part of her brother's book. He wished that she would go with him, she did not have to continue working, but her work was important to her, perhaps more than him.

"Would you really stay with me?" and he dragged her on top of him and started kissing her as he slipped the straps of her lacy lingerie off her shoulders. The memory of the dream quickly faded away.

"Oh Josh, you are insatiable, you looked as if you had just entered hell a minute ago and now you are this passionate lover again. You are God's gift to women."

#  The End Justifies the Means

Josh put down the phone. He frowned. Something was wrong. Two months had passed and he was still holed out deep in the African jungle, unable to leave the film set. And she was reluctant to visit even though he had begged her to perhaps more than a thousand times. He had compromised and phoned her twice a day, every day, but she seemed to get more distant every time and she would often make stupid excuses to end their conversation which had barely lasted five minutes. Her brother had recently joined the set and Josh told him about his sister's curt behaviour but Max merely laughed it off and put it down to unpredictable ladies' mood swings.

Josh was tempted to use the surveillance camera which was still set up, but after those initial two weeks he had sworn to himself never to use it again. Besides, seeing her on camera was not enough. He really missed holding her. He will have to fly out to see her. His part in the filming had progressed rapidly and they will just have to continue without him for a couple of days. So he impulsively packed a small bag and set off for Cambridge.

He rang the doorbell. She never gave him a spare key to her apartment even though he had showered her with everything he owned. It was her way of keeping that cautious distance from him. She opened the door and he saw her spring back in alarm. His unexpected visit did not fill her with enthusiastic pleasure as it usually did. She did not fly into his arms and kiss him wildly. He was instantly aware of how drawn her face was, there were dark circles beneath her eyes and her cheekbones were more prominent than ever. She had lost tons of weight in those two months. She kept staring at him and he looked at her questioningly.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Then he noticed that she was not alone, Rob was hovering in the lounge. Josh was blinded with rage. He pushed past her and banged the door shut, "So that's why you have been so curt with me. You've been reunited with your first love. You could have had the decency to let me know."

She slapped him across his chest, "How dare you, Rob's here as my doctor."

He snorted, "As if I could believe that." But then he looked at her wasted face and her words sank in, "Why do you need a doctor, what's wrong with you?"

Rob walked out into the hallway, "You two should talk." He opened the door. He hesitated and then turned towards Josh, "She needs hospital admission. I hope that you can persuade her to come in for a couple of days." And he left.

"I'm sorry, what was I to think? Why do you need to go to hospital?" Josh put his hands on her shoulders.

She burst into tears and started mumbling. "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I'm so sorry...."

"I don't get you. What are you so sorry about?" His heart was hammering inside his chest. He was dead scared that she might be seriously ill. She looked so fragile and thin. He did not know how he could possibly fight destiny against an illness. He'll hire the best doctors but even they would not be able to do any miracles.

She pushed his hands away from her shoulders and walked back to the lounge. She leaned against the wall and folded her arms across her chest, bracing herself. "I'm pregnant and I want to keep the babies. I know that this must be a great shock to you. I don't expect anything from you...."

"Babies? But you've lost weight."

"I haven't been keeping food down. And it's twins."

He was speechless. He moved towards her, but she stepped back, shrinking against the wall as she burst out sobbing again.

"I'm sorry Josh, I'm sorry I forgot the contraceptives. I promise I didn't do it on purpose. But now that it happened I want to have the babies, they are mine and I love them. No one needs to know that they are yours. I can bring them up on my own and I don't need your help."

"Don't be silly, they are my babies too. Hey, don't cry please." She was as lost as she had been on the first day he had seen her in that park. His honesty trait was nagging at his conscience. "Maria, stop crying, it's not your fault...you never forgot your pills. I took them out of your bag. So there, now you know that I want this pregnancy too."

The tears stopped, her eyes widened and her face burned with anger. "What? Did you actually plan the whole thing? Oh, I _hate_ you so much. How could you do this to me?"

"I can't understand women. Just a minute ago you said that you wanted the babies and your only concern was that I wouldn't want them. Anyway, I don't recall you actually begging me to stop back there in Yellowstone, _you knew_ that you hadn't taken your pills and you decided to take the risk. I just threw the pills away, I did not rape you and I would have stopped if you had insisted. It takes two to tango you know," he retorted angrily.

She suddenly covered her mouth and ran into the bathroom, retching. He rushed in after her.

"Go away," she said. But she leaned heavily against him and lost consciousness. He panicked. He lay her down on her side and tried to feel her pulse. It was very faint and irregular. He had to act fast. He grabbed her phone and found Rob's number. He hated asking for his help but he had no choice.

Rob arrived within three minutes. "She has been throwing up constantly, hyperemesis gravidarum. Vomiting is normal in the first fourteen weeks of pregnancy but in Maria's case it is more severe and it is compounded by the fact that she has twins. This excess vomiting causes the potassium levels to fall which in turn lowers the blood pressure and causes heart arrhythmias. I had advised hospital admission, just to keep an eye on it but she refused. She was still coming to terms with the pregnancy and she didn't want those damned reporters who are constantly following you around to sniff this out. And her hesitation nearly killed her. But she'll be fine once we adjust her potassium levels."

Rob was explaining all this to a bewildered Josh as he loaded her onto an ambulance. Maria had regained consciousness but was only half aware of what was going on. Josh could see that she was very scared as she looked at Rob hovering over her. But she seemed to trust his confident expertise.

Josh sat beside her bed throughout the whole two weeks she stayed in hospital. She seemed to alternate between periods of lethargic weeping and bouts of blazing anger. Rob was often there too, conversing amiably with her for hours. He was this proper English gentleman, very proficient in what he did and not bad looking either, and Josh had to endure seeing them together, knowing that his children's and Maria's lives were completely in her ex's hands.

Josh cried with joy when he saw his twins on the ultrasound screen, those tiny bodies with little arms and legs. It was a totally new heart-warming experience for him, but when he reached out to take her hand, she just heartlessly pushed him away. She wasn't going to forgive him that easily. She refused to talk to him civilly and their conversations only ended up in heated arguments. Nevertheless, he stayed in her room all the time and none of her stinging verbal insults managed to drive him away.

The only person who spoke kindly to him was Anna who seemed to see past his deception and often comforted him, "Women are emotional during pregnancy, just give her time, she will get over this. Here are some more books, my, you are really depleting my library. How do you manage to get through them so fast?"

Josh had taken to reading all sorts of texts about pregnancy and Anna was the source of his information. He read constantly since he had nothing better to do than seeing Maria and Rob together.

Eventually Maria managed to keep her food down and she was discharged home.

"I really can't get my head around the fact that you only slept with me to manipulate me into marriage. What kind of sick person would father children just to get his own way? The whole week in Yellowstone was only a stage, another of your acting parts, carefully studied and planned. Whereas for me it was such a special week, oh, how could I have been so foolish?" she told him after going back home.

Josh sighed. They had been having this same discussion over and over again and they always ended up going round in circles, achieving nothing but pain and frustration on both sides.

"Maria, just forgive me and move on. The bottom line is that you want the babies and I want the babies. We are meant to be together, so why do you keep fighting it?" Josh said for the millionth time.

"All I needed was more time."

"A thousand years would never have been enough, and you know that. Can't you understand why I did this? I wanted to be with you all the time and not just for weekends and whenever you felt like a break from your precious work and your even more precious Rob. Gosh, I hate that man. He was all over you these past two weeks. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that you are carrying my children."

"Josh, face it, this pregnancy will _never_ bind us together. It's over between us. Go back to your acting, that's all you're good for. Just leave now. I can't bear to have you hovering beside me anymore. You must have realised that you are no longer wanted. I can see why even your mother hates you." She smiled with spite as she saw him hang his head down in diffidence. She had managed to tease out those inner childhood insecurities again. Mentioning his mother never failed. That should keep him in check.

He was deeply wounded but he was no newcomer to cruel rejections. His heart ached. He rubbed his taut neck muscles. Her speech was brutal and final and Josh knew that the only thing he could do was to go along with her wishes for the time being. She might soften up after a while. He cleared the lump in his throat.

"You will eventually have to come to terms with the idea of having me around. Nothing will separate me from my kids, I want to be part of their lives and give them that support I never had. My children will not grow up without a father. We can do it together as husband and wife, it's your choice, I have already proposed countless of times, and I won't do it again. Next time you will have to ask. I have to leave for Africa now but I plan to be back way before their birth, I promise." He kissed her on her forehead. "I love you Maria, I always have and I always will, but you surely know that by now. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, even if it is for the sake of our children."

He went to see Anna who lived on the opposite side of the road. Luckily she was in. He returned the books he had borrowed and told her what had happened. He asked her to keep an eye on things and to phone him if anything changed. He also asked if he could contact her from time to time.

"Certainly, Josh. And I'll do my best to knock some sense into her too, but I can't promise anything. She is as tenacious and hard-headed as her father. I knew him well, and he never wavered from any of his decisions."

Josh nodded. That tall dark-haired man had repeatedly haunted him with that contraceptive pill dream. He desperately wanted a pregnant daughter. He was so tenacious that Josh finally gave in to that stupid deception. And look at the mess he was in now. He sighed sadly.

"Is there anything I can do to thank you for your help?" he asked, grateful for her kindness.

"You can always mention me the next time you win an Oscar."

"I will," he said as he ruffled up her son's crop of fair hair. The three-year-old boy had dumped all his toys at his feet and Josh had sunk down on one knee and played with him for a while. The boy must miss having a father. He knew that feeling. He slowly stood up and his eyes swept the room and landed on a pile of envelopes on the hallway table. He smiled and left.

The next day Anna received a phone call from her bank. All her debts had been settled by an anonymous benefactor. She had been struggling with mortgage repayments ever since her husband died three years previously and her house was on the brink of being repossessed. She could just imagine who the benefactor was. She called Josh but he categorically denied any involvement. But he could not fool her. When Anna told Maria what he had done she merely shrugged, "Oh that is so Josh, buying his way into people's affection. He bought a cottage and a whole forest just to sleep with me."

Anna thought that the comment was very harsh indeed, after all Josh had denied paying off her loans. And in any case she hadn't expected him to do anything and she would have helped him anyway. She looked at Maria and thought of the herculean task ahead of her.

****

Despite his previous resolutions to abandon the surveillance camera, Josh found himself spying again. He tried calling her every day for the first two months and he left several pleading messages but she never answered the phone when she recognised his number. And if he used another phone she just angrily switched it off after hearing his voice. Surprisingly, Max seemed to take his side of the argument, after all she had been aware of the missing pills and she had chosen to take the risk. But not even her brother was able to sway her. She had a big row with him and she stopped answering his calls too.

Eventually Josh just gave up on phoning.

That was when she passed from a period of severe anger to a period of downright fear and depression. He often saw her crying. Anna was always by her side, trying to reason with her.

"Maria, you have to shake yourself out of this. You have to get things ready for the babies; cots, prams, clothes; you can't go through this alone. He only stopped phoning because you never answered his calls and you were downright vicious. You should phone him and apologise. You are being unfair. Anyone can see that he really loves you. He still calls me every week to ask about you."

"That's probably for the babies' sake and not mine. He must have moved on by now. I know him well. He won't refrain from having sex for more than a couple of weeks. I just can't bear the thought of seeing him with someone else. I'd rather not see him at all."

He was half tempted to prove her right but the thought of being with another woman made him cringe and he knew that it was not an option. Though, his pride had been severely wounded, and after two months of grovelling he wanted her to pick up the phone. She was almost seven months pregnant and he knew that he will eventually have to swallow that pride and go crawling back to her. He was not going to let her give birth to the twins on her own; his splintered pride will have to be boxed and shelved. But he badly wanted her to reach out to him and somehow repair his shattered self-esteem. So he was going to wait for a little longer until the very end.

He was gloomily staring at the computer screen, watching her mope about on a late Friday night. She had returned from work and changed into her baggy unflattering indoor clothes. She just sat there eating her way through her tenth apple. She seemed to have developed this intense craving for that fruit. The twins must love the taste. She suddenly received a text message on her phone. She panicked and sprang to life. Within the next half an hour she was all dolled up in an attractive blue halter neck dress. He saw her adjusting the straps and lowering the neckline, drawing all the attention to her voluptuous breasts and away from her huge bump. She brought her rich curls over her bare shoulders and she smiled as she twirled round in front of the mirror. She obviously wanted to impress and she had made it with only seconds to spare. The doorbell rang.

Freddie kissed her on both cheeks and generously complimented her on her appearance. He had dressed for the kill too, making him irresistible to any female on the planet. They settled down on the sofa and he brought forward some documentation about his mother's trial of the new drug. The cancer cells were responding miraculously well and Maria was excited with the news.

Freddie then moved on to lighter and funnier topics. Josh continued to observe their subtle reactions to each other's presence. Maria looked relaxed and at ease. She kept flicking back her hair and tilting her head back as she heartily laughed at his jokes; Josh wasn't the only one she was physically attracted to. Freddie was slowly inching his way closer. He took one of her curls and started to twirl it round his finger. She never stopped that intimate gesture.

Encouraged, Freddie approached the topic that was the main reason behind his visit. "So, Josh has left you in this mess."

Josh could see a degree of anxiety in his cousin's deep blue eyes as he moved towards that delicate subject.

"Not exactly, he only left because I pushed him away." Maria was quick to defend him. "How is he? Has he...err...has he ...err...has he moved on?"

Josh heard the tremor, the anxiety, the fear in that simple question.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him in ages. I only heard about this because of that article in the paper. They are assuming that he is responsible for your condition and that he shrunk back from his responsibilities. They are certainly assuming that he has moved on...and I think that they are right. I've known Josh for a very long time and he has been sleeping around ever since he turned fourteen or fifteen. I don't think you being pregnant would stop his activities elsewhere. You must have had a taste of his insatiable appetite, so you must know what he is like."

Now that was meant to maim...and it did. She winced with pain. She tried to hide her tears but Freddie was counting on them. He put his arms around her shoulders and drew her close to him as he continued with his carefully prepared speech.

"Don't cry. He doesn't deserve your tears. He was always this heartless with women. You never had much in common with him anyway and he would have bored you to death eventually... Maria, there is something I want you to know. I did fall in love with you a long time ago but I never said anything out of respect for that good-for-nothing cousin of mine. You don't have to go through raising kids on your own. Marry me, Maria, and I will love his children because they are yours. Please think about it." He bent down and slowly kissed her lips.

So Freddie had gone after the one girl who had refused him. It would never do for the unwanted charity boy to have someone he himself hadn't previously enjoyed. Josh should only have had his generous handouts. Freddie wanted to make sure that he sat in the driving seat again. He would abuse and desecrate the body carrying his cousin's children, make her crave for him and then he would discard her when he eventually got bored. Josh had often heard those false declarations of love and empty promises coming from his cousin's mouth before he had sex.

" _The promise of a ring always gets their juices flowing like a waterfall_ ," Freddie had often told him as they bed-hopped. " _You should try it rather than silently going into a cold dry cave._ "

But perhaps this time he really meant what he said. Perhaps he had really fallen in love with her.

In any case, Maria seemed to believe his promise for commitment and drank his long passionate kiss thirstily. Josh just stood there and watched as she wrapped her arms around Freddie's neck, encouraging him on. She didn't stop him when he undid the strap around her neck and buried his face in her chest. She just slid her fingers through his hair and pulled him towards her, enjoying his pure worship. She only recovered from her deep trance when his hands moved up her dress and tore her lacy underwear off. Her big brown eyes flew wide open in panic. She didn't want to go any further and she tried to push him away. But he persisted, drawing her painfully closer to him, crushing her bulging pregnant belly beneath him.

Josh went mad with rage. He wouldn't intervene if Maria had wanted to go on. But she was obviously getting distressed. He phoned Anna, "Anna, please phone Maria now, this very second. Don't hang up until she answers. Ask her if she wants you to go over. I know that it's late but I would appreciate it if you would go out and see her if she asks you to. Just don't let her know I called. I'm coming home now."

Freddie let her go after the tenth ring.

"Oh yes please. Thank you Anna." Maria was shaking violently as she put the phone down. She looked at him, sitting too close to her, cornering her. He had kicked off his trousers and it was obvious that he was still under the impression that things would resume after that rude interruption. He had not read through her panic because he would never have thought that anyone would want to stop once he got started on them.

He smiled and pulled her hand towards his groin. "Don't be shy, it's all yours. Give it a little pat."

"Freddie, I'm sorry. I was feeling depressed, bloated and unattractive and I...." She tried to snatch her hand away. "Freddie, my friend is coming over in a second or two; she lives just across the road. Please Freddie." He let her go and she quickly pulled up her dress and did the strap around her neck.

"I'm sorry," she continued. "I was just miserable thinking of what Josh must be doing out there. I still love him and I'm sure that the last thing you want to do this evening is to sleep with a heavily pregnant unattractive woman. So we both don't want this to go any further. I know that whatever you said about love and marriage was made out of kindness and perhaps gratitude towards me for helping your mother. Freddie, you don't have to feel responsible for what your cousin did."

Josh clenched his fist. How could she be so naive? How could she possibly think that Freddie was doing this out of the goodness of his heart, just to make her feel better?

Maria answered the knock on the door. Anna entered the living room, holding her sleepy three-year-old in her arms. She had turned up within two minutes, leaving her two older kids at home unattended. She had hardly paused to wear a jacket over her nightwear. Thank God for Anna.

Freddie smiled lazily at the two women. He seemed unruffled by his state of semi-nudity and had not bothered covering himself up before the newcomer entered the room. He just sat back, his legs apart, enjoying their mute admiration. Then he calmly stood and zipped up his trousers. He passed his fingers through the gorgeous fair hair Maria had just dishevelled, and adjusted his expensive silk tie. He picked up the torn lacy underwear and pressed it against his nose before placing it in Maria's hand, making sure that Anna knew exactly what it was. He then flashed a wide grin, gave Maria one last dirty kiss as he boldly fondled her swollen pregnant breasts, and left.

Anna stared after him. "Gosh, he's the answer to every woman's prayers. Did you see the size of his thing...and his sculptured backside? One of Michelangelo's divine creations. Who is he?"

"He's Josh's cousin."

"Oh, that figures. It's in their genes. He's just as heavenly perfect and chiselled, only with different colouring." She stared dreamily at the closed door but then turned suddenly, frowning at the underwear in her friend's hand. "Maria, what the hell are you doing? Are you nuts? You can choose to get involved with anyone on this planet BUT NOT HIS COUSIN. That would massacre his very soul."

"Nothing happened. Freddie is just one of those womanisers who has an endless list of gorgeous breathtaking models falling at his feet. He religiously believes that sex is the answer to all your problems. He saw that I was starving for some affection and he generously tried his doctrine on me. It almost worked...except that he is not Josh." She sat down on her sofa, covered her face with her hands and wept.

Anna put her sleeping son on the sofa and pushed the phone in her friend's hand. "Maria, call him. Meet him halfway. He is shattered. Believe me; I can feel his pain every time he calls and asks about you. If you really love him, forgive him."

"I can't forgive him...or his filthy past. I will _never_ call him."

Anna sat back on the sofa, saying nothing. She wondered how Josh had sensed Maria's impending danger. She seemed to have called in the nick of time preventing an irreparable disaster. She looked around the room. Was he watching and listening to everything? She didn't approve of his dirty tactics but she said nothing.

Josh switched off his computer. He had a long flight ahead.

****

She was sleeping soundly. Her phone rang. She peered at her watch. Who could be phoning her at six in the morning on a Saturday? She flicked her hair out of her eyes and grabbed the phone.

"Hello."

"Hi, it's me, please don't hang up." Josh prayed that she would hear him out. "I'm in England. Can we meet?"

There was a long pause and Josh thought that she had hung up but then, "OK, when?"

"Emm...now. I'm just outside your door." And Josh went out of the car. "Please, it's been a long flight, it's been snowing heavily. It's cold and I'm freezing."

"I'm really big and fat. I'm still in bed and I look a mess."

"I don't care; I'm not going away. I'll freeze outside your house if I have to. So please open the door..........open the door please." He heard her jump out of bed and fling the phone on her bedside table. He could clearly make out the sounds of frantic rummaging through a wardrobe. She hadn't hung up yet. The minutes ticked by and the door eventually opened. He put the phone in his pocket and stepped inside. He took one look at her and closed his eyes in relief.

"Oh God.... I've _really_ missed you," he said. It was a heartfelt statement coming from the depths of his soul.

She heard the sincere pain in his voice and she slowly looked up, "I thought that I will never see you again, you must have found someone else." She searched his face for the truth.

"How can you even think that? You can ask your brother about it. He can vouch for me. I've been with him for most of the time. But I'm sure that you will not believe him, you are so determined to think the worst of me."

"You stopped phoning," she accused, her voice rising.

"You never answered. There is a limit to how much a man can grovel," and he turned round and walked into the lounge. He sat on the sofa. He was not strong enough for the same arguments, the same going round in circles, nothing had changed. He rubbed his face with his hands to conceal the tears coming down his face. He was a beaten man, exhausted and defeated. He had done what his dreams had told him to do and now he had lost her forever.

"Look, I messed up big time, I'm really sorry for what I did. If you can't find it in your heart to forgive me then we must move on. This is causing too much pain for both of us and we can't keep going round in circles. My feelings towards you have not changed and I don't think they ever will. I still want the same thing I have always wanted from that very first day I met you. But I do appreciate that things may be different for you and I cannot just enforce my ideas on you. Just tell me what you want. I can help with supporting the kids if that is all you want from me, or I can just leave. It's your call now." He was that pathetic child again, waiting patiently for that small handout of affection. He would be grateful for anything she wished to give him. He was broken.

Her arms flew around his neck. "I want a small secret wedding, you and me, Max, Julie and Anna...and no reporters...you told me that I could ask and I have."

He pulled her onto his lap and held her tight, not even trying to conceal the steady flow of tears streaming down his face.

# Coming Home

They stayed in each other's arms for a long time, no one daring to break the silent bond. They were home at last, all bitterness forgotten and all pain melted away. It was Josh who finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have left you for so long in your condition. I should have swallowed my pride and returned earlier."

"Don't be so harsh on yourself. I was the one who pushed you away. And I said some really nasty things to you too...about your mother hating you...."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. You trusted me with your childhood issues and I used them to hurt you. I love you Josh, and I love what's inside you too. Please stop thinking that I love Rob in any other special way. He is my past and he means absolutely nothing to me now."

"I know. I have been insanely jealous of that guy, but we should put all that behind us now." He smiled broadly. They could look forward to the future and the twins were their future. He slowly put his hand on her swollen belly, "How are the little tykes getting along?"

"They keep me awake all night, kicking and stretching, and my back hurts but other than that they are absolutely fine. Scans are all normal and they should arrive any time now. Twins rarely take full term. That must be a little knee under your hand and this must be an elbow. Can you feel it move? " she said as she shifted his hand around her severely stretched skin.

His face filled with wonder as he felt his children move and his voice cracked with emotion, "Is that really an arm? Gosh, Maria, this is unbelievable, they have grown so much, the last time I saw them on the scan they were so tiny. We had better get cracking and prepare for their arrival. I wish Rita was here to do all the shopping but I guess I have to do it all myself, I'm not so pampered now. We'll go together this afternoon, we need clothes, prams, nappies...,but if you don't feel up to it I can go by myself. I also have a small wedding to plan, so we have no time to lose."

She got her small private wedding that very week. Josh smiled at her as she came down the aisle of a tiny chapel hidden in the outskirts of a forgotten village, the very place he had seen in his dreams. He had desperately tried to tweak that particular dream but he had eventually given up on it. Now there would always be that niggling feeling deep within his heart that she only married him because she was pregnant. Destiny had won in the end, and it seemed that in this case he had been unable to change the course of events. Would he be able to change those other terrifying scenes? He guessed that some, like this dream, were beyond his control.

Her face was all he saw as he took her hand and slipped the ring on her finger. He promised to love her till death do they part. He kissed her. That kiss nourished his soul. This was the moment he had been waiting for all his life, loving her made sense, there could not have existed a more powerful moment than this.

But just three weeks later an equally powerful moment hit him again. Maria woke him up at three in the morning, her face all fearful. Her water broke, a bit prematurely but she had been prepared as this was the case for twin pregnancies. Josh set into motion, his throat dry with fear as he took her to the labour ward. Would his dreams turn into reality now? He hoped they would, just for this time.

He held her hand and kissed her forehead as she strained to push. He hated seeing her in pain, he felt sick and dizzy but he continued to murmur encouraging words, his eyes never leaving her face, until finally the background noise was pierced by a shrill cry. He proudly held his son Nick, and he wondered at the perfection of nature. But all too soon Maria started pushing again. The second twin was on the way.

"I can't do this, I'm too tired, I can't push anymore," she cried as she looked into his eyes, pleading for help. She looked so fragile and weak as she slumped back on her pillows.

"Maria, you need just one final push, the poor baby needs to see her mum. Come on Maria, I know you can make it. It will all be worth it in the end," he said as he clasped her hand and leaned his forehead against hers all the time wishing that he could make all her pain disappear. His words seemed to soothe her. She took in a final deep breath and painfully pushed the baby away.

He looked at his newborn baby daughter, Emma, as the midwife put her on his wife's heaving chest. His heart was suffused with happiness and he cried with joy, "Thank you Maria. I love you, I always have and I always will." He continued to stare at his daughter's perfect face and he remembered that far-off dream that had predicted every tiny detail.

He shrugged; he no longer cared about his madness.

That first month passed quicker than the speed of light and all Josh could remember were the sleepless nights and constant nappy changing, but he would not give up that life for anything in the world. Though, he knew that he would eventually have to think about his other commitments. The filming of the second part of her brother's book back in the States could not be postponed forever. Maria understood this and approached the subject.

"I can't leave you behind," he said. He had his priorities right and he had no intention of going back to the painful goodbyes as he crossed the Atlantic Ocean to and fro.

"No, that is not what I meant," Maria said, "I'll come with you this time. We can all move to the States. We can come back to the UK when the kids are of school age, I have always wanted an English education for them but we'll look into it when the time comes."

Josh looked proudly at his family as they boarded the plane. He somehow remembered what her father had told him, a long time ago when he was just a boy.

" _Josh, my boy, life is full of ups and downs. It is nothing but a revolving wheel. Sometimes you are down there with its weight crushing you down. And when you think that you can't take it anymore, you suddenly find yourself rising and reaching the top. And my God, that summit is exhilarating. It makes all the pain worthwhile. Relish that time because inevitably the wheel will start turning again and you will find yourself slipping to the bottom, and only the good memories and the anticipation of the next summit will help you get through the crushing pain. Everyone on earth experiences this wheel of life, the richest and the poorest, kings and paupers. No one can escape it and no amount of worldly goods could ever keep you permanently at the very top._ "

Josh smiled. The tall dark-haired man had been so right. The summit was exhilarating. This was his summit. Life could not get any better than this.

# Bleeding Wounds

Josh was in his library. He heard his one-year-old twins chuckle as their mother sang nursery rhymes and bathed them. He was pleased with the way his life was unfolding and he had been riding high on his summit for that past year. He was happy and secure and he was no longer plagued by the vivid dreams. He had relocked them all in that room inside his head and he never thought about them. Josh continued to read, immersing himself into his own private world and he never heard the phone ring. Maria slowly opened the library door. He looked up from his book and smiled.

"Are they finally asleep?" he asked as he pulled her onto his lap. He began to play with her curls and he buried his face in her neck, drinking in her sweet fragrance. He felt that familiar stirring in his loins. But she gently cupped his face and looked into his eyes.

"Your mother phoned. She is dying and she desperately wants to see you and the kids." She stroked his face to erase the painful memories that surfaced every time his mother was merely mentioned.

"I don't care. The last time I saw her was on my eighteenth birthday. She has never shown any interest in my life and she can go to hell for all I care." He continued to lightly kiss her neck.

"Josh, she's dying and whatever she has done to you in the past she is still your mother and she wants to make peace with her son. I don't want you to regret this later. I'll come with you, I'll stay by your side, I promise. Do it for me, please."

His previous passionate moment evaporated and he frowned at her. "Maria, stop making me do things that I know would hurt me. I know my mother, she has no love to give me and she will only give me venom. Try to understand how I feel," he pleaded. But she was forcefully adamant and as always he had to give in to her wishes. He could never say no to her. He will have to deal with the pain later. "I'll do it for you, and only for you. We will go tomorrow," and he started to stroke her back as he leaned over to kiss her.

"I think we should go today...now. I don't think she'll be there tomorrow."

"She sure took a long time to decide whether she wanted to see me or not. She had to leave it till the very end, the very last second of her life," he said sarcastically. "What is she dying of?"

"She has liver failure probably brought on by excessive alcohol intake and drug abuse. She's been hovering outside death's door for the past two weeks now. She wanted to contact you earlier but she was not sure how you'll take it."

"Sure she did! I wonder what poison she has prepared for me this time. She must have left the most potent to the last minute to give her that pleasure as she finally takes her last breath out of here."

"Josh, she's your mother, she can't be that bad. What kind of person would not forgive his dying mother? Why are you so cold-hearted?"

"This is great, now you're blaming me. Yes, blame Josh, he is always the bad guy. Everybody else does, so why not join the queue? You don't know her like I do. You'll soon see why I am so cold-hearted and why you are so wrong. I hope that you will be proud of yourself at what you are about to shove down my throat." He sighed and rose to leave, deep in thought.

It was dark by the time they arrived in the medical ward. Josh cradled his sleeping daughter in his arms as he entered the private room the nurse indicated. His mother was lying there, severely jaundiced and wasted, her previously beautiful face lined with pain as she struggled to breathe. Josh felt sorry for the mother she could have been. He slowly sat on her bed. He tied to fight off the ache and he concentrated hard on Maria's hand comfortingly touching his back and the gurgling happy sounds his son was making in her arms.

"Josh, you've come. I don't deserve your compassion. You have turned out all right in the end despite my neglect," Caris wheezed.

Josh bit back his harsh comments. Neglect was the understatement of the year, what she had done to him was beyond mere neglect, it was pure hatred and vengeance; she had set out to destroy his very spirit. He had only come because Maria had insisted and not out of any compassion.

Caris continued with her laboured speech as she looked at her grandchildren, "I can see a lot of you in your children, especially your daughter. They are exactly what your father said they were, beautiful and perfect. He is very proud of them, you know. You are the first to continue his precious line. Oh, that blessed man is absolutely obsessed with having descendants, his legacy as he calls them...."

"My father?" Josh finally found his voice. "You knew who my father was and never told me, how could you? I had the right to know." Josh was shaking with anger. Maria was closer now, comforting him. Her warm touch must have kept him sane at that moment. "Who is he, mum? When did you tell him that he had a son?"

She laughed maliciously, "Oh Josh, you are still so pathetic. You are a grown man now and a father yourself, and you are still hoping that your own father would have welcomed you into his heart had he known about you. Wake up and smell the bacon, Josh. No one wanted you. Your birth was nothing but a big embarrassment. He had his own family to think about. Why would he compromise their love for you?"

Josh looked away. The venom was eating at his heart now. But he could not get up and leave. He wanted a name. "Who is he?" he pleaded again as tears started to roll down his cheeks.

She smiled, she was breaking him again. "Your father not only knew of your existence but he practically watched your every step in life. He was there in front of you, before your very nose, seeing you cry and moan over an unknown figure of a father. How many times have you asked him whether he knew who had slept with me nine months before you were born? And how many times did he lie, saying that he didn't know..."

Josh was shaking his head now, "No, No, No that's not possible. You are lying. Uncle Phil would never do this to me. He loved me...."

"Not enough to embrace you into his heart...and certainly not as much as his legitimate son. He was just fascinated by your superior intellect and the way your mind works, that's all. You were his secret medal, his toy, his pastime, someone he could enjoy once a week on Sundays and clap to during prize days. It is true Josh, you are Phil's bastard son."

Josh was still shaking his head, but his mother insisted.

"Have you never looked in the mirror and asked yourself why you look so much like Freddie...and Phil? I just gave you your colouring, Phil gave you the rest. Even you should have realised that. Yes, Josh, May was pregnant with Freddie and hers was a difficult pregnancy from the very start. Poor Phil couldn't touch her and he needed to let off some steam. I was beautiful, available and highly accommodating...and he...he was the only man I ever loved. We chose the most bizarre places, and the more daring, the greater the fun."

"Great," said Josh bitterly, "so now you're telling me that I was conceived in some broom cupboard. I really don't want to know any more details. I'm not that little boy who has no choice but to listen to your mental abuse year in and year out. Why did you have to do that? I hated you for that, mother, and I hate you even more for bringing me into this world."

He rose to leave but she held his hand. She will not allow him to have the final words, "That made two of us. I hated you kicking inside me and I hated your cry when you were born. And most of all I despised you for ending our affair. I could no longer hide my bulging belly from Phil. He got scared. He wanted an abortion and I wanted it too. But Julie interfered. So I stalled. I honestly don't know why I went through that terrible pregnancy and birth.....Julie kept saying that you'll be worth it in the end...but you weren't. She said that I'll start to love you when I'll hold you in my arms...but I didn't. Why? Mothers usually love their kids. There must have been something wrong with you."

Her son was shrinking back in pain. She coughed and spluttered but she wanted to turn that knife in his heart for one last time. "I never loved you Josh, and that is no secret, but you can't blame me for bringing you into this world. If you want to hate anyone for that, hate Julie, I wanted that abortion and now you know that your father wanted it too. That was why I asked to see you today. I wanted you to shed off that illusion that your father would have loved you had he known. No Josh, he knew and he never loved you enough to tell you the truth." She had achieved her aim. This was her final Oscar-winning moment. She smiled as she closed her eyes and slowly faded away in a coma.

Josh turned to solid hard marble, his heart stopped beating and his face registered no emotion. The grief was too great for tears. His numb brain could not even command his feet to get up and leave. He just sat there huddling his sleeping daughter close to his heart as he wandered in his own mind, oblivious to his surroundings. He knew that Maria was trying to talk to him, but the sound of her voice was distant and indistinct.

He had been right; his mother had left the most potent poison to the very last seconds of her life. He was that beaten boy again and nothing could help him glue back his self-esteem now. What little he had achieved with Maria's help had rapidly disintegrated. Maria herself had destroyed it by insisting that he should go through this mental abuse again. How could she say that she truly loved him when she wanted to see him go through so much pain?

He clearly remembered his Uncle Phil trying to fill his father's shoes, always there, hovering in the distance, giving his support and showing his pride. And Josh loved and trusted him, trusted him enough to cry on his shoulder when he felt in desperate need of a father. But Josh remembered Phil's other side too. He remembered him always taking Freddie's side in any petty argument. Everybody blamed Josh, they would blame him for the setting sun if they could. He was Phil's charity case, always sharing Freddie's parents, presents and food. He was made to feel second best and worthless. There were two sides to Phil, a caring uncle who was proud of his achievements and a guilty father who hated his presence.

He looked up as the door opened. Of course May would come to see her dying sister. She tenderly kissed Josh on his forehead and he knew that this deathbed secret would never be told. He loved Aunt May, with her gentle voice and loving ways. He would never crush her world with what his parents had done behind her back. Then he looked at his uncle...father...and he saw the naked fear in his eyes. Phil sent out a silent plea.

Josh had to leave. He stood up and walked out without a word. He could hear Maria running behind him, trying to keep up with his long strides. He drove home in silence and tenderly tucked his children to sleep. He was the cold hard moody Josh again. He turned to go up the stairs to his library, but Maria tugged his hand.

"Please Josh, forgive me. I should never have persuaded you to go. It's my fault. It's my mistake. Please don't turn silent on me. Don't lock yourself up again. You're scaring me Josh, tell me that you'll forgive me," she pleaded.

He was that lost unworthy boy again, but he had to be happy with what was kindly given to him. He was not worthy of Maria's love but he had to be happy with her flimsy physical attraction. He had to be grateful for that, he could not afford to lose that too, and so he softened his facial expression. It was easy for him. He was an actor after all. All she wanted was for him to ease her conscience by forgiving her, she did not care about his pain. He had to give her what she wanted, he always gave her what she wanted, otherwise he would have nothing.

"I'm not angry with you." He smiled. "I'll be fine. I just need to digest this information on my own."

There was a loud knock on the door. Josh grimaced, knowing who had come to beg.

"Josh, I'm sorry. Your mother died just seconds after you left. I told May that I could give you the news." Phil looked into his son's eyes and saw the build-up of years of pain.

"Don't be sorry, I never cared whether she lived or died. And you can cut the bullshit, Phil. You came because you know that Caris sang like a bird. But you don't need to worry about your dirty little secret. I won't tell anyone because I won't hurt Aunt May, and I'm doing it for her sake, not yours. As far as I'm concerned I still don't have a father...or an uncle."

"You must understand why I never said anything. I love May, the truth would destroy her. You would do the same for Maria."

Josh felt his hands shake with anger as he shouted, "If you really loved her you would not have sought out her sister to comfort you through a difficult pregnancy. And I would never ever do to any child what you have done to me, not for anyone's sake, not even Maria's. How could you have listened to me crying about my father and said nothing to me? Why...why did you do that to me?"

"I love you as much as I love Freddie. I have tried to treat you both fairly and I have been present in your life as much as I possibly could, school plays, parent's days, sports days...name them, I've been to all of them."

" _It was not enough_ ," he bellowed. "And you really can't call yourself fair; I was always given leftovers and blamed for making the earth go round. How many times have you hit me for something that you knew Freddie did? When did you ever take my side in an argument? How could you call yourself fair by just attending a few school plays and clapping at my curtain call?" His voice faltered. He had to end this before he completely broke down. "You and I have nothing more to say. You can see yourself out." Josh turned to go upstairs; no amount of pleading will ever erase the pain.

Phil paused at the door, "Can I still see the twins from time to time? They are my grandchildren and I love those kids."

It was true, Phil adored the twins and he would often visit and play with them for hours, and the children in turn looked forward to his visit. Josh could not deny them that, so against his better judgement he nodded.

"Make sure that you come when I'm not around...of course if Maria agrees." And he looked at her. She shrugged and Phil left without another word.

"Are you OK?" she asked softly.

"It's not nice knowing that you are nothing but a big mistake, but I'm sure that I'll survive somehow." He smiled at her and attempted to go up the stairs again but she grabbed his hand and pulled.

"Thank God for that mistake. My life would have been meaningless without it." She was scared. She had shoved him back into his own personal burning hell, onto his insecurities. She recognised the wide smile that never reached his eyes; he was acting, just to make her feel better. "Josh, stop acting. This is not a stage and I am not that fragile girl who cannot take a good beating. All this is my fault. You can be angry with me, you know. Please don't shut yourself in the library, stay here with me."

"Right, I'll stay here with you. What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that you were right? It is a good thing that I went to see my mother because at least I know who my father is. Do you want me to say that I forgive you? I have already said that. In any case there is nothing to forgive because you were brought up in a world where mothers love their children. In my world mothers don't. You would never have imagined my mother's intense pleasure at the expense of my pain. Tell me Maria, what else do you want me to say? If I can't act then I can't say that I'm all right. Maria I need some time, alone, to think, that is all I need."

Josh sat down and leaned forward, grasping his head between his hands. His composed, polished facade was crumbling together with his bleeding heart and he could not find it in himself to act anymore. And he wept. He wept for that little unwanted boy.

She came to him and hugged him tight and his pain started to ebb away. He had everything he would ever need. Thank God he had her in his life...He experienced a déjà vu as he remembered a similar distant dream.

She continued to hold him until his sobs subsided. She caressed his face and wiped his tears. "Josh, I wanted you to stay down here with me because I wanted to tell you something important. I'm pregnant again.

# Ben

"...I would like to thank my beautiful wife for putting up with me day in, day out. I love you very much, Maria, you are my whole world. I never deserved you, but I guess I just got very lucky the day I met you. I would also like to thank Anna back in England for helping me through a difficult time. Hi Anna...there, I have remembered to mention you, I bet you thought that I would forget all about my promise. And of course I have to mention the author of this fantastic book who is my greatest friend and wishes to remain anonymous. Without the book this production would not have been possible. And last but not least I thank the director and...."

Josh returned to his seat clutching his fourth Oscar and he kissed Maria as the cameras rolled.

"Will you ever stop doing that? I still hate it," she whispered as the spotlight swung back onto the stage.

He grinned and placed his hand on her eight-month pregnant abdomen. "Are you all right, have the contractions stopped? Oh, he has just kicked me!"

"Serves you right, you just woke him up. I'm fine, they were just false contractions, I still have another month to go. Don't worry."

"Have I ever told you just how much you mean to me," he whispered, his hand still feeling his child's movements beneath her skin.

"You tell me all the time."

"It's never enough," and he leaned over and gave her a long lingering kiss.

"Josh, please we are in a public space."

"Oh really, I never noticed. I thought it was just you and me in the universe with all the stars shining around us..."

"Shut up, people are starting to stare," and she gently pushed him away.

"I don't care," but he chuckled and moved back to his own space. He knew that she hated any public displays of affection. But he himself was past caring about what other people thought of him.

He was bored with all the drama and pretension of the evening. He didn't even want to be there and, hadn't it been for Maria's insistence, he would still be at home playing with the twins. He wished that he was like Max, unknown and doing what he liked best tucked far away from this artificial show. He looked around and saw Freddie next to his latest girlfriend, the new young stunning actress who had taken the world by storm. Josh wondered if he would still be like him in a superficial hollow relationship hadn't he met Maria. Yes, he probably would. And he probably would have had a taste of that actress that evening too. Freddie had always been flamboyantly generous and friendly just as long as Josh accepted his place in the back seat. But now that he had rebelled, they were barely on speaking terms and Josh found it harder than before knowing that they were brothers.

He caught his father's eye. Phil smiled warmly at him, giving him that familiar proud look, but Josh turned away, scowling. He had not spoken to him since that day and he had even avoided going to his own mother's funeral. He knew that Phil visited at least every week just to play with the kids. His loquacious daughter, Emma, would describe everything they did together in greatest detail. But Phil respected his wishes and never came when he was around. Maria squeezed his hand, sensing his discomfort. She knew him so well; he would be lost without her. He closed his eyes and imagined that he was alone with her in a faraway land, miles away from this gaudy hall. He was still in that happy place when he heard her sharp intake of breath. He looked at her. Her eyes were tightly shut and she was clenching her teeth to prevent herself from crying out.

"Have the contractions returned?"

She nodded, screwing up her face in pain.

"You really should have listened to me and checked this out in hospital instead of insisting that we come to this circus," Josh complained. "But no, you have to have it your way all the time. Come on, let's go. I'll carry you to the car." Josh could feel panic rising within him as he rose to leave.

But Maria thought about all the cameras focussing on their retreating figures and she pulled his arm, "I'm all right for ten more minutes. The ceremony will soon finish. It's just back pain," she said as she buried her face in his shoulder. He put an arm around her and gently rubbed her back. He looked round to try and spot the quickest getaway and he saw that Phil was observing their little drama. Josh nodded slightly to his unasked question. Phil leaned forward to speak to Freddie who immediately turned and registered Maria's grimacing face as she shrunk against her husband's shoulder.

"It's OK, I can walk," Maria said when Josh attempted to lift her as he weaved his way through the crowd. But a powerful spasm left her breathless again and she leaned against his chest. She felt a gush of water going down her thighs. She hated public scenes. She panicked and looked around. She spied the restroom to her left, "I need to go to the ladies, _now_."

"Can't it wait?" One look at her face immediately told him that she couldn't. "OK, I'll tell them to get the car ready and I'll come back for you there. We still have some more time. The twins were born some ten hours after the contractions started, right?"

She reassured him and ran inside, closing the door. She had to calm down. She had to get herself dried up and perhaps no one would notice the big wet stain. She couldn't tell Josh, he would panic. But the ripping pain stopped her short again. She leaned on the wall, doubling up as she moaned in agony. She could almost feel the baby pushing out. She knew that it was too late to rush to the privacy and security of a ward now.

The door was flung open. She looked up through her pain. Phil and Freddie had been following at a distance and had heard her suppressed cry through the closed door.

"I still have another month to go but my water just broke," she cried in terror, "and the contractions....Oh God, I can feel the baby's head pushing down. I don't think I can make it anywhere. Please go and find Josh," she gasped. Freddie quickly took charge of the whole situation. He spread his jacket on the floor and asked Phil to help him lower her down.

"Please go and tell Josh, I need him here." Maria urgently clasped Freddie's sleeve as she pleaded.

"I think I am better qualified to help you than Josh is," Freddie said dryly. "Maria, I need you to stay focussed and calm down, take small breaths in and out. Yes that's it, calm down. Josh will come in his own time and in the meantime I need to see what's going on down there, are you all right with that?"

Maria tried to pull herself together. She didn't like the idea of giving birth here with Phil and Freddie as an audience but she had no choice. She had to stop thinking of Freddie as the handsome but disgusting pervert. The image of him unashamedly sitting naked on her sofa as Anna entered the lounge was the first thing that popped in her mind every time she saw him. She gulped in some air to clear her anxiety. He was a doctor and he would be able to help her. She couldn't do this alone. And Josh would be useless if blood was involved. So she nodded and Freddie proceeded with his examination as another contraction ripped her body apart.

She vaguely heard the door open and close. Then Josh was on his knees beside her, kissing her hand and soothing her.

"We can't move her, she is far too advanced. She will have to give birth here. I can feel the baby's head and it will probably be over in five to ten minutes," Freddie said as he washed his bloodied hands and rolled up his shirt sleeves. He was in his natural environment. He could do this. He was in charge and he started giving out orders. Both Phil and Josh acknowledged his authority and asked no questions.

"Dad, roll up those towels and put them under her shoulders. Now lock the door, otherwise tomorrow's papers will have an explicit picture of the birth on their front pages. Now, phone for an ambulance. Tell them to prepare for an emergency birth. And Josh...you can just stay out of the way and hold her hand or do whatever fathers are supposed to do. Just don't look this way. I don't want you fainting." He found a first aid kit in the medicine box in the room. He frowned at the contents. He lacked vital equipment but if the birth was uncomplicated he could manage it easily with what he had.

He put on the rubber gloves and knelt down as her next powerful contraction brought about his prediction. "OK, the baby's head is out, Maria. Now I need you to take small breaths and wait for the next big contraction. Yes, that's it. Good. You're doing fine."

Josh chanced a peek and immediately felt faint as he saw the baby's head jutting out in midair. Freddie looked at him and pushed him aside with his shoulder, "Josh, I told you not to look. Don't you faint on me, I've other things to do. Dad, put the bloody wimp's head down. For goodness' sake, Josh get a grip, you're not the patient here."

Josh could just about feel his father's hand pushing his head down and the blackness slowly receded. He will not chance another look, so he leaned his forehead against hers and grasped her hand, and with a final push the baby's body slipped out and his cry filled the room.

"It's a little Josh," Freddie said as he cut the umbilical cord. "Give me your jacket, quick." And he wrapped the tiny boy in his father's jacket and handed him over to him. Josh looked at his son's face and was immediately reminded of that other dream when he had seen the same boy but much older, the exact replica of himself, but his overwhelming emotion quickly dismissed that thought.

"Thank you, Maria," he sobbed with gratitude as he placed the newborn on her chest.

"Oh, he looks just like you, he's so beautiful, he's my little Josh, my Ben," she cooed as she huddled her baby.

But the happy family picture quickly disintegrated. Freddie was not happy with the amount of bleeding. Part of the placenta was still trapped inside. He did not have the necessary equipment or medication to treat this and all he could do was to wait for the ambulance and prepare himself for an emergency resuscitation should Maria continue to bleed heavily and go into shock. He pressed hard on her abdomen, trying to compress the womb and slow down the blood loss, but despite all the efforts Maria began to rapidly lose consciousness.

Josh just stood there, immobilized with fear, as he watched Freddie trying to keep up with the hundred and one things he had to do. Lady Destiny had caught up with her but Freddie's quick thinking managed to keep her at bay until the paramedics arrived with the necessary medications and equipment. Maria was soon stabilised and bundled onto the waiting ambulance.

Josh remained completely obtunded. He watched blankly as she was hastily wheeled into the operating theatre with Freddie running by her side. It was Phil who handed over the tiny Ben to the kindly nurse and answered all the questions about the little newborn child. Josh just sank down on a chair and buried his face in his hands. He was only dimly aware of his father sitting beside him, but his silent presence somehow kept him going.

An hour passed. Freddie entered the room. He looked dishevelled and tired but quite pleased with himself as he smiled broadly. That smile warmed Josh's heart. She had survived the ordeal.

"She wants to see you."

Josh quickly followed him to her room. He bent down and kissed her.

"Josh, don't cry, I'm all right," she said as she wiped his tears.

"Yes, thanks to Freddie. You were slipping away and I panicked and froze. I was completely useless," he said with deep regret.

"You're not a doctor. No one expects you to know what to do." Then she smiled gratefully at his brother. "Thank you, Freddie. I wouldn't have made it without you."

"I did tell you that I was better qualified than Josh to help you," he said with a laugh. He turned round to the sound of the crying child. A nurse was wheeling in a famished Ben. "Ah here's the tiny troublemaker, he probably wants his feed." Freddie's voice caught with suppressed emotion, he was obviously attached to the boy he had helped deliver into the world. Josh looked up in surprise. Freddie's emotions were very rarely stirred. But he shrugged it off and tenderly picked the tiny bundle and helped him find his mother's breasts.

"Ben is one lucky baby," murmured Freddie, mesmerized by the warm image of the baby guzzling down his mother's milk.

"Will you stop staring at my wife's breasts," Josh said with a smile.

"Well, you can't blame me. I missed all the action tonight. I don't think my beautiful date will be waiting for me at this time." They were those teenage boys again, happy and carefree as they cracked harmless jokes. "You know what; I've missed having you around, Josh. We still meet up every Sunday for a family meal. The last time you came was way before you got married. Mum hasn't given up hope and she still asks for you. Her cancer is under control at the moment but she is still very weak. She would really like it if you were to join us, at least once a month."

"I will, I promise." It was easier for him to continue to think of them as his uncle and cousin rather than father and brother. He had certainly needed their support that night and they were more than happy to help him even though he had been so cold. He would be eternally grateful to Freddie for saving Maria's life. He vowed to forget his mother's deathbed confession and start afresh.

But his gratitude would change considerably the very next morning....

****

Josh spent an uncomfortable night sitting on the armchair by her bed. He eventually nodded off, only to be woken up barely an hour later by Freddie's cheerful laugh outside the room. He heard the ward sister commenting on his uncharacteristic early arrival, "You're up early. I don't think I ever saw you here at six in the morning."

"My bed wasn't warm enough because you weren't in it today," he flirted. Now that surely bordered on the unethical. But Freddie could do and say whatever he wanted because he owned the place. Uncle Phil had financed the building of the colossal state-of-the-art hospital, the largest and finest in the States, while his only legitimate son slaved away at medical school. As soon as Freddie graduated and did his five-year postgraduate specialization he had a nice comfortable job as the medical director of his own little empire, turning over millions a year. And it was still expanding with a chain of hospitals sprouting up all over the country.

Freddie noisily barged into Maria's room. He didn't feel the need to exercise any discretion by knocking gently on the door. "You look terrible, Josh. Go to my apartment, take a shower and change that shirt. Help yourself to anything you want. Here, take these." And he threw his keys. One of Freddie's many luxurious apartments was just opposite the hospital grounds and Josh had spent many wild nights there. Lavish parties were Freddie's speciality.

"He doesn't need to change because I'm going home this morning. I know it is far too early but Josh will be there and if anything..." Maria was insisting but Freddie quickly bulldozed his way in, cutting through her arguments.

"You can't go yet, Josh is useless when it comes to emergencies. We have already established that. And he had better support me if he wants a mother for his children. I might be able to let you go in a couple of days' time."

Josh looked closely at Freddie as he proceeded with his examination. The doctor was confident and his presence demanded authority. He was his usual domineering self and Maria never stood any chance against his forceful ideas. He had obviously made a big effort to come in early. He was immaculately dressed and was dashingly handsome in a dark blue shirt and suit, too much like her English Rob. He lingered more than necessary whilst examining Maria, so much so that it made her feel uncomfortable and she tried pulling the sheets up to her chin. He merely laughed it off, "I've seen everything I wanted to see yesterday, so there's no need to blush."

Freddie sat on the side of her bed and started taking blood samples. Josh remembered that distant dream when he had seen the same Freddie tending to a sick Maria. He looked closely at his brother's startling blue eyes. There was that same look he had seen in that dream, a look that went beyond the doctor-patient bond that was present whenever a doctor saved one's life. Josh had that uncomfortable feeling. But perhaps he was just overreacting. Perhaps Freddie reminded him too much of Rob and that jealousy must have resurfaced. In any case he had been glad of his help the day before and Josh tried to shrug off that feeling of resentment.

"I wanted to go home, Josh, you could have backed me on that instead of just standing there," Maria admonished as Freddie exited the room.

"You can hardly expect me to contradict the all-knowing mighty doctor."

"I'm a doctor too and I know that I can go home."

"You nearly died yesterday, so a couple of days would not do any harm. I had better go and change if we have to stay that long," he said, looking down at his dirty, bloodstained, crumpled shirt. He sighed and bent down to kiss her.

Josh made his way to Freddie's apartment. It was immediately obvious that his brother had got lucky that night. His date had waited up for him and she might even have called a friend or two. There were discarded clothes dotted amongst empty alcohol bottles and the smell of weed lingered in the air. But there was no one there now. Freddie must have packed them off stoned and half naked in a taxi. Josh smiled, remembering the many times he and Freddie had played that same trick on the accommodating girls, delighting the eager taxi drivers.

He grabbed a clean shirt, hoping that it was not one of his brother's favourites, and went to have a hot shower. Ten minutes later the shower door was jerked open and a breathtaking Tanya stood before him, wearing next-to-nothing and not leaving much to his imagination.

"Hi Josh," she smiled as she eyed him up and down.

He quickly wound a towel round his waist and stepped out of the shower, "Freddie's not here," he said stupidly. He could not help staring and she noticed his travelling eyes appreciating the perfect proportions he had so often enjoyed in the past.

"I know. Actually I was hoping to bump into you, I wanted to congratulate you for winning yet another Oscar." And she started to kiss him as she pressed her body close to him. He was momentarily taken aback but he hastily recovered. He grabbed her elbow and roughly steered her out of the bathroom.

"I am happily married. So, no thanks." He locked the door and quickly got dressed. He emerged to find her completely naked as she waited for him on the leather sofa.

"Come on, no one will ever know. I will not tell. Your wife has just got a baby; it will be ages until you can...you know. It will be just like old times, no strings attached. We have all missed that wicked side of Josh so much."

He went straight for the door but it was locked. Tanya was smiling maliciously with the keys in her hand.

"Give me the keys, Tanya. Did Freddie plan all this?" He strode over and easily pinned her down.

"You're pathetic, Josh. Do you have to publicly declare your love for her on every Oscar ceremony? Last time you begged her to marry you, but she only did that because she was pregnant, you had to trick her into it, didn't you? You show her this holy devotion and yet she uses and abuses your pathetic pleas. Go on Josh, I'm making you really mad because I have hit a raw nerve and you know I'm right. Go on, you have already pinned me down, let the mean Josh come out. Pay me back."

"Dream on, Tanya." He prised the keys out of her hand and stormed out. Freddie had set this up, he was positive about that. His brother had already tried to seduce Maria when she was pregnant with the twins. That had failed and now he decided to go for the morally weaker Josh who he thought should surely succumb to a stunning naked girl being thrown at his face. The old Josh would have, but not now.

He barged inside Maria's hospital room. Freddie was sitting comfortably on her bed, deep in conversation.

"That was quick," Freddie said, profoundly surprised.

"Did you really think that I would fall for that piece of trash? A next-to-naked Tanya barged in while I was having a shower. Her intentions were crystal clear. What are you trying to pull?" Josh said as he flung the keys on Freddie's lap.

"She left my apartment early this morning. How was I to know that she would come back for more? Don't flatter yourself Josh, she was looking for me, I wasn't there and so she decided to go for her second choice...you. After all it's not the first time that you've had her after I did." Freddie grinded his teeth in anger and hastily left the room.

"Is she the same Tanya I met a long time ago?" Maria was frowning.

"Yes she is. But I swear nothing happened this morning." Josh looked at her, willing her to believe him.

"I know, you were much too quick. But you shouldn't have been so rude and ungrateful to Freddie. Come on Josh, she must have gone back there for Freddie. She couldn't have known that you would be there. Anyway, the good news is that I managed to persuade Freddie to let me go home after the blood results are out this morning."

"What was that cosy conversation you were having with him?" He tried to abolish the possessiveness in his voice and he only just managed it.

"Oh, he has just offered me a job to lead a team of researchers, it's just once or twice a week. It's a very good opportunity for me and it is totally flexible so I can work around it to suit the kids. He offered quite a generous pay. The only thing that might bother you is that it will be linked to my previous research in England and I might have to meet up with Rob from time to time." She looked at him with much anxiety. She was obviously brimming with excitement at the prospect of working again.

"I hope that you have refused it because you can't go. We don't need his generous pay. Besides, you have three kids to look after now and you were always against hiring a nanny."

"But I really want to go. You can take care of the kids for just one or two days a week; you do it anyway. And if you're away I can always stay at home. And Julie is always ready to help. She babysits the twins in her annexe whenever we go out. They are with her now. I emphasized the flexibility and Freddie totally understood. I really need to exercise my brain. It will make me happy. Please Josh, say you'll agree."

"You can work in any other hospital. I am not comfortable with you spending time with Rob...or Freddie...especially Freddie. Don't you know that he still likes you? Have you forgotten his proposal when you were pregnant with the twins?"

She blushed. Did Josh know everything that happened that day? "Gosh, how do you know about that? I wouldn't have thought that Freddie would blab."

Josh did not want to tell her how he had got to know about it, the surveillance camera was still a secret he had not come round to own up to yet, so he merely shrugged and turned the table on her, "Well, you never told me yourself."

"It was not important and nothing happened in the end. He only proposed because he was feeling sorry for me. And the other stuff he did...well, he was just being his usual sex driven self, grabbing every opportunity that lands on his lap, like you would have done. That day I led him on because I was so miserable. You had left me alone pregnant with twins, remember? You can only blame yourself for what happened that day." She was on the defensive, viciously putting all the blame on him. And he readily accepted that blame. "Give him some slack, I do owe him my life," she continued to rebuke.

Josh hung down his head. Freddie had managed to wriggle his way into Maria's heart. He could see the admiration in her eyes. Maria would not take her husband's side in any argument that day. He put on his acting mask and continued to listen patiently to her flawed arguments.

"How can you even think badly of him after what he did yesterday? You are wrong, he has no interest in me whatsoever, and I'm not his type. Didn't you see the girls he usually hangs out with? Didn't you see his date last night? I definitely look drab and plain next to her."

Josh was about to remind her that girls as stunning as his date had been his circle of acquaintances too before he had met her, but he would still choose her over them any day. Then he thought against it. Why continue to argue? He always conceded in the end. He always gave in to her wishes...otherwise he would have nothing.

The wheel had started to turn and he was slowly slipping off his summit.

# Jealousy, Revenge and Desolation

"Last week we had a grandfather's day at playschool but Emma and I had to share George's. Mummy's father died a long time ago and daddy said that he never had one. Can you be our granddad next time?" Nick asked Phil whilst they were having their monthly family dinner together.

"Sure I can, if your dad doesn't mind," Phil answered as he looked at Josh and tried to figure out his thoughts. The twins adored Phil and May who in turn spoilt them rotten. Phil had even converted part of his garden into an adventure play area and Maria visited twice a week, but Josh could not bring himself to visit more often than once a month. He was on civil speaking terms with his father but that was all he could manage. He avoided being on his own with him and avoided addressing him directly.

Everyone was looking at Josh, waiting for an answer.

"Yes he can, Nick," he said grudgingly. Phil never wanted to be his father, yet he was happy to call the twins grandchildren. He did not know why being fatherless still hurt him so much at this stage in his life. He turned and picked the six-month-old Ben from his chair as he tried to hide the grimace of pain that touched his face.

But Maria was quick to pick on it and changed the subject, "Josh and I have a little announcement, we're having another baby," she said with a large smile on her face which was quickly wiped away by Freddie's outburst.

"Can't you control yourself, Josh? It's way too early after Ben, he's only six months. Didn't that fact even penetrate your thick skull? You'll kill her, you stupid oaf." He stood up, toppling over his chair, and for a second Maria thought that he was about to punch Josh, the only reason he stopped was because there was Ben between his angry fist and his brother's face.

"That's none of your business," Josh retorted with vigour. He had also kept his distance from Freddie. But Maria was very much exposed to his poisonous presence. Josh just wished that his wife would stop working in that infernal hospital...or visiting Phil so often. Even though they never kept regular visiting times or days, loquacious Emma told him that the funny Freddie always appeared some time after they arrived at Phil's place. She also told him that he really made them all laugh hard, especially mummy.

But he wasn't joking around now as he pushed his flaming red face in front of his brother's. "It is my business, Josh, because I watched her die because of your stupid spawn and it was I who kept her alive while you did nothing but cry like a baby. Your "photographic memory" could not help her. Go to hell with your mother Josh, that is where you belong," and he stormed out of the room, banging the door and driving off his BMW at a dangerously high speed.

"I think that Freddie may..." Phil started to speak but Josh knew whose side his father would eventually take.

He abruptly stood up, "Let me guess Phil... Freddie may have a point. I don't need to hear this. Maria, I'm going, but if you would rather stay you can find your way home or not come at all if that is what you prefer." He cradled Ben, offered Emma his other hand and marched out of the room. Maria and Nick came running out just as he was about to drive off.

He went straight up to the library and sat there, fuming. He could hear Maria phoning Julie and asking if she could take the kids out to the beach. She had recognised their desperate need to talk. They often argued but they very rarely had time to talk these days. She was either taking care of the kids, or out working, or at Phil's, or he himself was away filming. They just about had time for some quick activities in bed before sleeping off their exhaustion.

Her present pregnancy was the result of one reckless activity when he had had enough of their situation and decided to throw caution to the wind just to break the routine they had settled into. He smiled as he remembered...They had returned home from his movie premier. It was late and they left the kids sleeping in Julie's annexe. Maria looked drawn, she never liked watching the fans reaching out to brush against him, but she came just the same. He closed their bedroom door and their eyes met. She was expecting something quick, the usual fast explosive passion, over in fifteen minutes but gratifying just the same. It was getting rather late. But he put on some soft music and slowly sat on his armchair. "Strip for me Maria, please," he asked of her. And oh, she really put her heart and soul in that performance. She knew that it was that risky time of the month but she didn't want to have any restraints that day. She was overjoyed when she showed him her positive pregnancy test some two weeks later. They both wanted it to happen. Perhaps they hoped that the baby would glue back their life which was being slowly torn apart by the demands of the outside world.

He heard Julie talking downstairs. She adored the kids and she grabbed every opportunity to spend time with them. But Josh had to admit that they were a handful and she was getting rather old now. The wild and adventurous Nick would get into trouble by just sitting down, and Emma...the verbal Emma never stopped talking. The world was her theatre. Physically she was the female version of her father, aristocratic features and outstandingly arresting. Josh could easily see her as an incredibly talented and stunning actress, and Maria saw that too. She didn't like it and she clamped her down. Mother and daughter clashed way too often and the little Emma constantly sought refuge under her father's wing. On the other hand, Maria adored Ben, her husband's carbon copy. He was definitely her favourite. He was quiet and overshadowed by his boisterous older siblings but he would get into trouble just the same. His hunger for knowledge was insatiable. At just six months he would go off crawling, sampling the world and touching everything, oblivious to the dangers.

Josh looked out of the window. The twins were skipping around Julie's feet and Ben was clinging to her neck. They were _his_ family and he would go through hell to protect them. He smiled. His anger had dissipated by the time Maria meekly opened the library door.

"Why are you angry with _me_?" she asked as she hesitantly approached him.

"I told you not to work with him but you had to have it your way, as always. Tell me Maria, what do you two do together in that lab? Why did your pregnancy provoke such a response from him? As if it's any of his business. Maria, how could you be so blind? Freddie is in love with you. It is so obvious. But you choose to ignore it and continue to fuel his fire. You feed on his attention."

"This is really rich coming from you. We can't even have a decent romantic meal together without being assaulted by a throng of fans and meeting at least three of your past lovers in one short evening."

"That is because, in these past six months, the two times I tried to drag you away from your very busy schedule and take you out, you had to go and tell Freddie where we were going and he sent those girls to spark off a fight between us. And you know what, he succeeded on both occasions."

"You're mad Josh, obsessive and raving mad. I keep telling you that I never told Freddie where we were going the second time round. Even so, do you really think that Freddie has a list of the army of girls you slept with and that he deploys them next to the very table we reserved? Or that he sends out half naked fans to stalk you outside the restaurant? Oh God...Sometimes I wish..." She stopped; sometimes she wished that he did not attract so much attention. But she was being unfair because he never took advantage of it and openly declared his devotion to her wherever he went. And he had deeply buried his past too. But that didn't stop her from wanting to punish him for his flawless appearance. She was secretly pleased that he was jealous of Freddie and she flirted outrageously just to instil that insecurity in him.

She was hurting him. But she didn't want to break him; she just wanted to keep him in check. She sighed sadly. "Listen Josh, there is nothing going on between Freddie and me, we are just friends. We work really well together; he is extremely bright and his ideas complement mine and we are pushing our research forward. But we have no other common interests apart from medicine. He circulates amongst different groups of friends and he has a new breathtaking girlfriend every week. The very thought that he might love me is just ridiculous. Just because you love me, it does not mean that the rest of the world does. I'll talk to Freddie and see what was behind that outburst. But I can assure you that it was the result of genuine medical concern. He probably feels that way because of what happened after Ben was born and he thinks that he has a duty towards me as his former patient."

"Maria, you are so wrong. I am asking you, no, I'm begging you to stop working with him. Please listen to me."

"I love my work. The advances we're doing are phenomenal. Look at Aunt May. She should have died three years ago but the medications have given her and Phil those extra few years. She will eventually succumb but every extra second gained is priceless. Please Josh, don't make me give it up. You are the only one in my life and you know it. I can't live without you."

"Then you have a choice, stop working there."

"Don't make me choose, because I'll choose you, but I won't be happy."

And he gave in, like he always did. His sixth sense told him that her determination to keep up her close working relationship with his brother was shoving them into this stormy period in their marriage. But he will have to ride that storm and face the music because that was what she wanted, and he always gave her what she wanted.

She curled up on his lap and kissed him. "Thank you, Josh."

"Just remember one thing though, Freddie can be extremely nice and friendly, he can get most people to do whatever he wants, especially women...yes and you too. But if you rebel against him he can turn into this extremely vicious and mean monster. I have often seen that side of him as a child. I learnt to ignore him and coat myself with that 'I don't care' attitude, and he was appeased when I let him dictate all the rules. But I can't do that anymore, not with you. Maria, he will eventually get you on his side and try to come between us."

"That will never happen; nothing will break our nest apart."

****

Maria scowled as she entered the crowded room. She would rather have stayed at home with her husband but they had just had a big row. So, at that time, she thought that a Christmas party was a better option, but now she regretted her hasty decision.

She was almost four months pregnant and Josh was still going on about her working arrangements. She did not want him to come to the hospital's Christmas party with her and create a scene. He had expected her to stay at home with him, but she was in one of her resentful moods after he signed a contract to act in a film with one of his ex-lovers. True, it was another of her brother's books, but still, he would be working closely with whoever she was. So out of pure spite she put on the most fetching dress she could fit herself into and slammed the door. She still resorted to cruel damaging insults and actions just to hurt him and bring forth that insecure boy, and flirting with Freddie was her best weapon.

"Hello Maria, is there no hubby tagging along today?" Freddie asked as he came over with his gorgeous date hanging on his arm.

"He's babysitting."

"That's bad, but don't worry I'll take care of you. Oh, this is Pam, and this is Maria, my baby cousin's wife, you know, Josh Blake."

"Oh.... Josh Blake! I starred with him once," Pam said with a broad smile as she shook hands. Maria looked at her with hatred. She knew that what she really meant to say was that she had slept with him once. Maria felt very tiny and shabby standing next to her. How could Josh possibly find her more attractive than this busty beauty with her silken raven hair flowing down to her waist?

"Sure, everyone _starred_ with my darling husband Josh," Maria hissed rudely as she turned to leave. Freddie's breathtaking girlfriends always rubbed her the wrong way; they all knew Josh some way or another.

But Freddie pulled her back. He started to play with her hair as he let her perfect curls slip through his fingers. He liked doing that and he would often engage in that intimate gesture whilst they were working alone in their lab. She suddenly realised with a start that Josh liked doing that too.....just before they had sex. Gosh, the brothers had the same mannerisms too. What was Freddie thinking? She scowled and was about to push him away but then he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"Poor Maria, what has that selfish husband of yours done to you now? Come on, I'll help you forget all about it. This will be your wildest party ever." He took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He really knew how to liven up a party. His enthusiasm was infectious. He started moving along with the beat, circling Maria around and holding her tight. A lot of other people joined in his wild dancing and soon the party took off with a bang. He was the heart and soul of the gathering and everyone wanted a piece of their happy dashing Boss.

Maria could see his date standing in the distance, but she felt no pity for her. She'll have to ask Freddie whether Josh had ever slept with her. Freddie had become her confidant at work; they had connected emotionally and they often shared each other's private thoughts and problems. He was not the monster her husband had painted him out to be. Josh was probably jealous of his jaw-dropping cousin/brother.

Freddie was indeed a very pleasant sight to look at. Maria could see a lot of her husband in him, he had the same mind-blowing smile and perfectly chiselled features. She liked to flirt with him but she knew that it was harmless because he always had these gorgeous girls with him and he did flirt outrageously with every decent-looking female in the building. That day was the day she wanted to flirt her heart out with him, just to spite Josh and his gory past. She knew that Freddie was holding her far too tightly and that she should stop his roaming hands as they slid around her curvy body, touching her intimately. One look at his date made her shrug her shoulders and revenge for Josh was at the frontline of her thoughts. Freddie could get away with murder.

"I think I will have to rest for a while, the baby is getting tired," Maria told Freddie after an hour of nonstop wild provocative dancing.

"Just one more dance." And he shouted to the DJ, "Hey, can we have some slow music here, for the sake of our pregnant doctor, she's tired of jumping around."

Maria laughed as the DJ obliged and Freddie drew her even closer as they danced slowly around to the soft music. His warm breath on her hair and the feel of his lips brushing against her neck was making her weak at the knees; she certainly needed his strong arms circled around her. Josh was right, Freddie could charm every woman he knew. But she was enjoying the moment and she let herself go with the slow music. The ballad stopped and he took her hand and led her to the bar.

"Phew Maria, you look really curvy in that dress. I could swear that your breasts are growing by the second."

"I'm pregnant and that is what happens, remember? Have you forgotten everything you learnt at medical school? And you don't have to be kind to the poor fat pregnant girl." She self-consciously slid her hand across her small bulge. She hadn't started to show yet. At least she could still just fit in her nice clothes. It was when she grew out of those that she would start feeling really bloated and unattractive. But Freddie was making her feel good that evening. "You are wild Freddie, but I think your girlfriend is getting bored, you really should go. I'll be all right."

"Don't worry about her, I'll give her a good time tonight and she will soon forgive me, they always do," he winked.

"You are so disgusting. You are just like my loving husband. Tell me Freddie, did he ever sleep with her?"

"With Pam? Of course he did, we all did. We have known her ever since we were kids and she was as beautiful then as she is now. She introduced Josh and me to the pleasures of life one sultry afternoon in my father's barn. She was our first....and what a first! After that the three of us often fooled around together for years. Then Josh and Pam went to acting school. As far as I know nothing romantic happened between them until years later when they were asked to star together, and then Josh crossed his line. Pam's story is really succulent. Do you want to hear it?"

She nodded eagerly and he leaned against her as he prepared to share a quiet word. But then he wrinkled up his nose and hesitated, "Well, perhaps Josh wouldn't like us to discuss him. You should ask him to tell you."

"Freddie, start dishing out the gossip, NOW," she demanded forcefully. "Come on Freddie, tell me and I'll dance with you again and we can be extremely wild and daring."

"OK then, I can't resist that. Have you seen _Retributions_?"

"Josh's movie? Why that's some thirteen years ago....perhaps more. It got him his first Oscar. Yes, I've watched it years ago with a couple of school friends. I must have been in my teens. It was the movie to watch and Josh was the sensational heartthrob. Who would have thought that I'll end up marrying _him_?"

"Well, Josh was in his early twenties and so was she," he nodded towards Pam.

"Gosh, was she the stupid damsel who got him tortured by the mafia? She looks so different. She was a blonde back then. Her lips are fuller, her cheekbones higher and she's got bigger breasts now."

"That's surgery for you. But her assets were just as large then, only now they are a bit more inflated. Anyway, you've seen the movie, right? So use your imagination. I don't need to spell it out."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember the famous love scene beneath the ivory satin sheets? It was an explosion of love between two young people who were torn apart by family feuds and social class. It made everyone cry, it was so romantic and realistic."

"No...that's a lie. Love scenes are all made up. The actors are usually fully clothed beneath the...."

"They usually are," Freddie interjected, "but not this time. I dared Josh and he had the audacity to do it beneath the satin sheets and the glare of the rolling cameras in a classic serious film that was tipped to win all the Oscars. But he was so quick and slick that no one got to know about the authenticity of the whole act, except me, Josh and of course Pam lying beneath him. The director thought that it was a first-class masterpiece, the facial expressions exquisite, impeccable acting. That was because it was the real thing. Trust me I know; I lost the bet and had to fork out ten thousand dollars when he asked Pam to confirm it all to me. But at least she gave him a really hard slap across his face. He had to put on extra layers of makeup all throughout that week just to cover the big scratch she left right across his cheek. She had turned into a tigress when she got to know that it wasn't a spontaneous irresistible urge from his end but a stupid bet between two immature boys as she called us."

He stopped and looked at Maria, "Are you crying?"

"No," she sobbed.

"Come on," he said as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, comforting her. "I'm sorry I upset you. I thought you'll laugh at it. After all it happened ages ago. But if it's any consolation Pam did tell me that he was rubbish at it. You are missing out. Was he really your first and only? So you can't compare. I can help you with that. We can go to the ladies, now. We can lock the door and no one will ever know." Freddie smiled. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and he quickly moved on, "But, really, joking aside, why are you so bothered about his past lovers, you knew about them way before you married him?"

"Yes, I suppose I did. He was always honest about it. Forget it. I'm just feeling resentful today." She smiled up at him, "Thank you Freddie, I'm all right now. You really should join your date. You should try to treat women better, you know, and then you might find someone who is worth being faithful to."

"Unfortunately that someone is already married to my cousin and has three of his children and another on the way. Josh really does keep you very busy. I hope that he realises just how lucky he is. But as for me, I have to make myself happy with as many girls as I can take. I bet you that I can at least kiss ten girls this evening. Not just any kiss, but one that will drive them mentally insane."

"You're on. I'll be watching and counting." She laughed as she flicked her curls away from her flushed face. He loosened his tie and flung his jacket on a nearby seat and went back to the dance floor. His presence again caused a stir. It seemed that everyone wanted him as a dance partner. He went really wild and started kissing and groping girl after girl, but none of them stopped his indecent assault. He looked at Maria and smiled as he fingered out numbers behind his victims' backs. He managed to disentangle himself and move from one to another with such agility that it was all highly erotic to watch. After his eighth he sauntered over to her, laughing, "You have to help me choose number nine; I'm running out of decent girls with skirts."

"Freddie, are you drunk?"

"I've had a drink or two."

"You should calm down. How about kissing your miserable date?" Maria pointed out.

"I'll have her this evening. Go on, choose for me."

"OK, I really don't want this dirty performance to stop just yet. Let's see...erm...Do you see that brunette with the red dress. She's Polly. Try her."

Freddie beamed at her. He had managed to drag her into his little game. "Would you like a better view from the front row seat?" he whispered softly in her ear.

She nodded cheekily and he took her hand and pulled her towards the dance floor. He nimbly edged his way next to Polly. Maria giggled as he grabbed the innocent girl and started kissing her. When his victim was totally paralysed and oblivious to the fate of her underwear, he abruptly let her go. He turned to Maria and danced with her to the far end of the dance floor. Maria was laughing her head off.

"And now for my tenth, the best for the last," Freddie said as he cornered her against the wall and kissed her hungrily. Maria had no time to react and she was as paralysed as Polly had been a few minutes earlier, he was a charmer and a good kisser. But she already knew that because she had had a taste of him a long time ago when she was pregnant with the twins.

The passionate kiss turned into something more when his hands started to smoothly slide up her dress. This time she did not stop him when her underwear slithered down to her ankles. This was just harmless pleasure, she thought. She would stop in a minute. She leaned her back against the wall and felt her dress ride high as she hooked her leg around his. Pam, her husband's first whore was watching this, everyone was watching this. But she was the leading star of this movie now. She could feel the ivory satin sheets and hear the roll of the cameras as the directors watched. The spotlight was on her and it was Josh not Freddie who was all over her.

She gasped and shook. She was swamped with those primitive cravings. She had to finish this. _Josh_ was pulling her hand, leading her inside the ladies' room. She heard the door key turning, locking them safely inside. She closed her eyes and held on to the wash basin. She could feel him standing behind her, sliding her dress up to her waist. She heard the metallic sound of his zipper followed by the clink as the buckle hit the ceramic floor.

"I'm home baby," he whispered in her ear. There was something derogatory in his tone that shook her awake. She opened her eyes and looked up at his reflection in the mirror.

Oh no, what had she done? She wanted to punish Josh, but not this way.

She tried to wriggle away but his grip was too strong. She could not expect him to stop now. There was a point of no return for men and she knew the rules of the game. She stood still, enduring his grunts of lust. She kept watching him through the mirror, her heart breaking with remorse. He finally tilted his head back as he prepared for his exquisite finale.

This was her chance, he wasn't looking at her. She grabbed the crystal dish full of potpourri. She twisted round and swiftly smashed it in his jaw. He reeled backwards, clutching his face. She pulled her dress down, slid past him and unlocked the door before he had even blinked.

Maria pushed past the crowd. She had tears in her eyes as she blindly headed for the door. She deserved this, she had been encouraging him all evening.

Freddie ran after her and grabbed her hand, "I'm sorry, Maria, I don't know what came over me. Forgive me, please. Don't go." There was genuine fear in his deep blue eyes, fear that he had lost a good friend. Maria had never seen the confident, loud and happy Freddie looking so lost and unsure of himself.

"I'm not one of your whores Freddie, the ones you use and dump daily. Don't ever lure me into something like that ever again. I love Josh and nothing like this would have happened had I not been really angry with him and so bent on revenge." She was crying now, she felt dirty and used, but she had no right to lay all the blame on him. He had lured and she had followed. "Please Freddie, don't tell Josh about this. You are drunk and crazy and you were just carried away. Josh will skin you alive and he won't let me work with you again. If you still value my contributions to your research department then we must pretend that this did not happen. We can discuss this further tomorrow at work when you are sober."

She ran to her car and she wept bitterly. She remembered her underwear on the dance floor; she was not going back in to get it. What would her colleagues say about her behaviour? Would someone tell Josh? She thought about it. Josh never socialized with the people working with her because they were also Freddie's friends. In any case, most of them had been pleasantly drunk too and were busy doing the same thing while their partners were babysitting at home. Harmless pleasure, that was what they often called it, just a dirty kiss and some groping around. No one would dare point a finger at anybody. And she had hardly spent more than a couple of minutes locked in that restroom. She started the car and drove off.

Revenge was the only thing that had sparked this off. She was positive about her feelings, her heart belonged exclusively to Josh. And what about Freddie's feelings? He did not love her. He had kissed and groped everyone on the dance floor that night. That proved that he did not single her out. He was just drunk and he will sleep it off and be different the next morning.

That's it. She did not need to tell her husband about this; after all he used to do far worse things than her. He had slept with millions and she just had him on her list until that day, now she had added Freddie. But it wasn't full-blown sex either, she had stopped it prematurely, she persuaded herself just to ease her heavy conscience. She was allowed one tiny slip. She would not compromise her marriage or her medical career for those few moments of madness. Josh need never know.

She drove on, deep in thought.

She opened the door to their house. It was massively late but Josh was still up, waiting for her in the lounge. She ran onto his lap and kissed him.

"Weren't you angry with me?" he asked wearily.

"I was. And I was even angrier when I met Freddie's date Pam. I believe you still remember Retributions and the ivory satin sheets."

He sighed, "So Freddie told you, or did he get her to tell you? Can't you see what he is trying to do?"

Her brown eyes flared with anger again. "I half thought that he was lying, or at least I hoped that he was. So it was true. Was it?"

He leaned his head against the back of the sofa. Her forgiveness had lasted less than a few seconds. He felt exhausted. "Yes, it really happened, but it was a bet and I was a crazy, dirty-minded, immature boy. Maria please, how many times do I have to apologize for the things I did when I didn't even know you existed? I can lock myself here if that makes you happy. Please tell your brother that if he wants me to star in any of his novels again he must do an all-male cast."

She saw the helpless dejection in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Josh. I should stop this."

He looked at her in surprise. She didn't usually let him off the hook that easily. "So, besides discussing my lurid past behaviour, what else did you do this evening?" he asked, carefully searching her face.

She rested her head against his chest, avoiding all eye contact. "I just had a wild night dancing with Freddie _and others_."

"You don't seem to mind Freddie's friendship despite his vulgar past, which I can confirm is far worse than mine," he grumbled.

"Don't start that again. I don't love Freddie and he is not my husband, so I don't care what he did or is still doing. You have to stop being so jealous of him...and I have to stop being jealous too. Freddie is just a friend, a wild friend, we just danced, a bit too wildly, that's all."

Josh nodded, not wanting to know any more details. He was afraid of having his thoughts confirmed. Freddie must have used his wild dancing and kissing bet but he did not know how far Maria had let him go. His last and tenth victim always ended up in the ladies with him. Josh used to laugh at this when he was younger but it was a different matter if the tenth victim happened to be his wife.

He kissed her forehead. He could smell Freddie's aftershave in her hair. Her eye makeup was smudged, her eyes were red and swollen, she had cried bitterly. He casually slid his hands over her hips; he could feel no underwear beneath the flimsy dress. Freddie usually slipped it down on the dance floor before seeking refuge in the restroom. The other boys would hoot and laugh, waiting for it to hit the ground. Josh himself had often used similar tactics as they bet against each other. They were boys and sex was the only thing they could think of. But apparently Freddie was still doing the same thing, and tonight he had tried it on Maria after enticing her with an erotic performance with his other nine victims. She had had a pious and sheltered upbringing, she wouldn't have known of such tactics because she never frequented his uninhibited circle of friends where loose moral conduct was the norm.

He squeezed his eyes tight in pain. Maria had succumbed, he was sure of it. The flimsy physical attraction she had for him was not enough to keep their marriage afloat. And Freddie offered similar physical advantages.

All his insecurities came flooding back, swamping him, drowning all his self-esteem. But he could not confront her with anything, he would give her whatever she wanted or else she would leave and he would have nothing. He was that child again, begging for scraps of leftover affection. That insecure pathetic child kept returning again and again. He put on his acting mask and kissed her as he placed his hand on her small pregnant belly and drew her closer to him.

****

Her alarm went off. Maria opened her eyes and groaned. She was seven months pregnant and emotionally drained. Nothing had changed, if anything the jealous tantrums had more than tripled now that Josh had started filming with that gorgeous piece of no-good. He had just spent five days away with _her_ in some exotic location. Maria had not stopped phoning him, every fifteen minutes, and he had patiently answered, even during a take and he had not once complained about it. Her brother, whose book they were filming, phoned back and gave her a good scolding. He assured her that her husband had not put a single foot out of line. But she was now highly emotional, bloated, sluggish and heavily pregnant...the exact opposite to his curvy, smiling and energetically adventurous on-screen wife for whom the word voluptuous had been created...and also the opposite to Freddie's girlfriends who miraculously had all slept with Josh in the past. Could her husband be right, was Freddie doing this on purpose?

She had been wary of him after that wild Christmas party, but Freddie had appeared the next morning with a big bruise on his chin and had been all apologetic as he somehow downplayed the gravity of their actions. He had invited her out to lunch with Pam whom he then treated with the greatest affection. She had been relieved. Freddie had no romantic interest in herself as confirmed by his hunger for his many girlfriends' unearthly beauty.

She switched the alarm off and then abruptly sat up. Josh had taken a late night flight back home and should have arrived four hours ago. But her bed was empty. She grabbed her phone in anger. "Where are you? I have an important business meeting at work today. You promised to stay with the kids. They are already up and I'll be late for work now."

"The kids are still in bed. You were asleep when I came home and I didn't want to wake you up," he said at the other end of the line. He opened the bedroom door and smiled broadly at her.

She held her head high and sailed past him into the kitchen. The table was beautifully laid out for breakfast. Josh had brought home every fruit created under the sun. He knew about her cravings for the cartloads she consumed daily. She wiped a tear and sat down.

"Josh," she said softly as she poured a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, "I just wanted you to know that I'm meeting Rob today."

"So, Rob is the important business meeting."

"We have to coordinate the trials we are staging across both sides of the Atlantic. He's here for only one day and Freddie has organised a dinner tonight in his honour...."

"I thought that it will be just us tonight. I have to go back early tomorrow morning and you knew that. They really frowned upon this one day break. I came home to be with you and the kids..."

"Tough! I can't wriggle out of this and I want you to come with me tonight. Freddie's getting Tanya, his latest craze, so we will be on equal grounds, both our exes on the same table."

"You do realise what Freddie's doing here. It's no secret that our marriage is on very treacherous rocks. Freddie decided to bring in reinforcements to totally sever what we are desperately trying to keep together. Your old flame and first love is bound to succeed where he himself failed."

She stood up, her face burning with anger, "I have no time to listen to your farfetched paranoid theories, you obsessive freak." She flung her orange juice at his face.

"Leave daddy alone, I hate you mummy," Emma screamed. She had chosen that moment to enter the room.

"Go back to bed, Emma. Please go," Josh said as he wiped his face on a napkin. Maria had burst out crying and he wound his arms around her.

"My daughter hates me," she sobbed in his shirt.

"She doesn't. It's that Freudian Oedipus complex, if the boys were here they would have supported you. Stop crying." He wiped her tears. "Come on, go and change, you'll be late for Rob's meeting. I'll ask Julie to mind the kids this evening. We'll go to this dinner together."

"I'm sorry, Josh."

Some hours later she was walking slowly towards her office. She was late and the receptionist told her that Rob was already waiting for her inside. She hesitated outside her door. She hadn't seen Rob in three years, though they communicated regularly, discussing business. She would have preferred not to meet him looking like this. She didn't want him to gloat at her general miserable appearance. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hello Maria, you look as beautiful as ever," Rob complimented her as he warmly hugged her.

"You are too kind, Rob."

"I mean it. Wow, you'll soon be having your fourth child. I did read about your close call on that Oscar night. It was all over the papers. Was that only a year ago? Gosh, and you're heavily pregnant again...Josh certainly does rob you of a decent breather."

Maria scowled, why did they all keep nagging about this? Even those bloody journalists. She just wanted to scream and tell them that she too wanted the child; Josh hadn't forced her into anything. She quickly changed the subject and they were soon immersed in their work. They spent hours brainstorming. Time just flew and there were no uncomfortable pauses as she had expected there would be. Instead they were soon laughing and remembering their happier younger days.

"Maria, it's good to see you smile again."

She nodded, yes it was good to forget her troubles and be able to laugh at the world with Rob. She had missed him, she realised with a start. She looked up into his eyes and remembered the first day she had met him. It had been love at first sight and they shared loads of golden moments. Their eyes locked. He too seemed to have gone down that same memory lane.

"Maria, there isn't a single day that passes that I don't bitterly regret what I did. We used to be so good together but I blew it all up."

"That was ages ago, things change and people move on," she said as she tried to shake off her nostalgia.

"I never moved on. You always thought I would, but I never got married. And now I sense that there is trouble in your paradise. Maria, you looked unhappy and drawn a while ago and the gossip magazines are picking that up too."

"Since when did you start reading such trash?"

"Ever since you became their hot topic." Rob reached across her desk and took her hand. Maria looked at their fingers entwined together. She swallowed hard as she tried to push back her tears. He came round to her side of the desk and kissed her. She closed her eyes. She was young again and she could feel that same flutter of her heart.

Her baby kicked. She stopped.

What had come over her? She had been vulgarly intimate with Freddie three months ago and was now tenderly kissing Rob. She must be the problem here. Freddie and Rob were just being men, grabbing what was generously offered to them. Her possessive jealousy for Josh was eating away at her thoughts, dissecting her heart and breaking their marriage apart.

She looked at Rob, "I'm sorry. Let's not make this uncomfortable for us especially as we have to go through dinner with my husband and his carefree crazy cousin this evening. Josh and I are just passing through a difficult time, that's all, but I still love him and he loves me. We have three beautiful children together and another on the way and I'm sure that we can sort everything out eventually."

"Don't kid yourself, Maria. You come from two totally different worlds and oil and water never mix. But you know what is best for you."

****

That night Josh sank down on the sofa with a sigh. He loosened his silk tie and started flicking through the TV channels. Maria emerged from their bedroom after having changed into comfortable nightwear. It was late and she was dead tired but she didn't want to go in an empty bed. She knew that her husband usually spent some time watching TV before retiring. It helped him to wind down.

"I'm glad that dinner's over," she said as she curled onto his lap. "Thank you for coming, Josh." She cuddled against him and soon drifted off to sleep.

He knew that she had reached her limit that night. The whole evening was orchestrated by Freddie and any fool could see right through him. The presence of both Tanya and Rob should have sparked off a heated quarrel which could have completely severed the very frail thread holding their marriage together. But surprisingly, the evening had somehow strengthened that thread. They had managed to overcome the challenge, perhaps they were both too exhausted to argue.

He was positive that both Rob and Freddie were in love with Maria. He had observed them very closely and they had both entered into a complicated medical conversation as they tried to outshine each other and impress her. But she was too intent on studying her husband's tiny reactions to the stunning actress to notice how both doctors fought hard for a few minutes of her undivided attention. Despite all her glamour that night, the gorgeous Tanya could do nothing to drag the three men's eyes away from the much plainer Maria. At the end of the evening the actress had smiled and kissed Maria as she wished her goodnight but the pure hatred behind that Judas kiss was truly shocking. Tanya had now joined Rob and Freddie in their quest to break Maria's marriage apart.

But Josh had no choice but to stop warning her. He will be the first to break the vicious cycle they were in. If he stopped his nagging and started to trust her with Freddie and Rob, she might start to trust him too.

He looked at her sleeping in his arms and his eye fell on the faint white scar across her forehead. The picture of the open wound across the dying girl's forehead in the five-year-old boy's dream flashed before his eyes and he felt that familiar sick feeling again. His past dreams threatened to flood out as they often tried to do when he was wandering in his own world, but he managed to stop them from overriding his thoughts. He concentrated hard on the present and lightly placed his hand on his unborn child. He smiled as he felt that tiny ripple of movement. He must have stayed like that for hours because it was past two in the morning when he finally carried her to their bed.

Maria opened her eyes, the sun was peeping in through the curtains; it had been a long and restful night and she had slept like a log. She lazily stretched her hand over to her husband's side of the bed but it was cold and empty. She woke with a start, it was already midday and he must have left for his next five days of filming. She sprang out of bed. She had overslept when she should have been minding the children. She was abusing of Julie's kindness too much lately.

She went out into the lounge and heard her children's hushed squeals of laughter coming from the open library door. Julie never took them upstairs. People went in that room only by a special invitation of the Boss. She herself had never been inside unless he was there too. Not that he minded, he never locked it these days, but she felt that she had to grant him his private space. She eagerly went up the stairs and peeped in. Josh was crawling on the floor, obviously acting out a story. He had this mesmerizing way of capturing the kids' attention, they absolutely adored him. He was a fantastic father. She watched from the doorway as Jack and the beanstalk came to life. She smiled as she saw him fall down dead, he was the giant now and he had just fallen off the beanstalk. The kids all clambered over him as they pulled his hair and punched his face, trying to bring him back to life, but he did not move an inch. It was an Oscar-winning performance.

"Mummy, mummy help, daddy's dead," Emma screamed hysterically.

Josh opened his eyes, "Emma, stop screaming. I thought that we had agreed not to wake mummy up." Then he caught sight of his wife smiling in the doorway.

"Sorry, I overslept," she said as she knelt down on the floor beside them. "I thought that you had already left. You'll be late now, you should go."

"I'm not going today and don't worry you didn't oversleep, I switched off your alarm. You really needed a good rest. I hope that we didn't wake you up." He sat up, his raven black hair tousled and standing on end, and his chin all red where Ben had repeatedly slapped him in the attempt to revive him. Right then she loved him more than ever before.

She flung her arms around his neck and started to cry. She hated being so emotional but she could not help it, her pregnancy was turning her into this wreck and he had to put up with her. "You're too good to me. I really need you to stay here with me forever but I think that you should go. They won't be too pleased with me, last week I ruined the filming by constantly phoning and this week I am keeping you tied to me at home."

"Why don't you come along too, it's only for five days and Max will be there. You haven't seen him for a while. That way you can catch up with your brother and watch me at the same time, and I will not have to stop every fifteen minutes to answer the phone. And I'll stay at home with the kids the following week so that you can work the days you missed out this week." He laughed as he dried up her tears. This was their new beginning. They had binned jealousy and embraced trust. It was for good this time. They now had this unspoken agreement, she will begin to forgive his past and he will stop asking her to stay at home. He just had to learn to shrug off that uncomfortable irrational feeling of impending doom every time she walked out of the door and went to work with his brother.

Their baby daughter was born two months later. Josh knew that it would be a girl with the same brown eyes and perfect tiny features, just like her mother. He had seen her many years ago in his dreams which had never recurred. He looked proudly at his little princess, his little Sarah.

# Fair Warning

She was shivering. She just had her blue cotton shirt on, hardy enough to ward off the icy, damp, musty air of that cellar. Her bare feet repeatedly treaded the uneven rough stone slabs, her movements restricted by the short chain tethering her wrists to the wall. She was desperately trying to squeeze her tiny hands out of their iron constraints. Blood was trickling down her palms but it did not stop that mad frenzy.

" _Help me, Josh. You said that you would always come when I called you. Josh, Josh, can you hear me Josh..." she screamed._

The cellar door opened and the weak light coming from above blinded her. She stopped screaming and shrunk backwards, crouching down, hugging her bare knees, fervently wishing that the wall could absorb her. Her fear was tangible. The hooded heavily-dressed man grabbed her ankles and violently pulled her across the uneven floor, making her shirt ride high up to her armpits and her back bleed as it scraped the earth. With the point of a sharp knife he began carving her flesh, using the knife and skin as one would use pen and paper. Blood spurted out and she screamed in agony.

" _Please stop, I'm sorry. Forgive me," she kept begging._

But he was too intent on creating that perfect flawless symmetrical pattern across her cold white skin, his own work of art. The sight of blood drove him in a state of mad passion and he rubbed his hands across the raw wounds, tearing her skin apart.

" _I'm cold, Josh. I'm really cold and numb. Hold me, Josh," she whispered, her breath forming circles of white vapour as it met the frosty air. Her eyelids flickered, once, twice, and then she closed her eyes and stopped calling him. She had long gone unconscious when the hooded man finally lay on top of her._

The tall dark-haired man cried, he cried bitterly for the fate of his only daughter...

Josh felt sick. He rolled out of bed and staggered to the bathroom, immediately collapsing to the floor. He heard Maria rushing in and turning him but his eyes were unfocussed with fear and he could not utter a single word.

_She is safe now, she is safe now_ , he kept saying to himself. How much should he tell her? Will she believe him? He closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts.

"Josh, speak to me, open your eyes."

He cleared his throat, "Someone is going to kidnap you and hurt you really badly. I dreamt it all. You have to do as I say, you cannot go out on your own, I have to be with you all the time."

"Are you starting that work thing again?" she asked suspiciously. Despite the birth of their fourth child three months ago, she was still working two or three days a week. Josh had stopped voicing his disapproval but Maria knew that he would give up everything he owned just to make her stay at home.

"No, no, no, please believe me, it was so real," Josh pleaded.

"It's only a dream, a nightmare, that's all, forget it. I'm still here with you. You frightened me, I thought that you had a stroke. Let's go to bed, it is still three in the morning and Sarah will soon need her feed." She tugged his hand, but he pulled her back.

"This is serious, don't brush it aside."

She heard the urgency in his voice. "Can we discuss things in the morning? This is obviously important to you and I'll do whatever you want as long as it is within limits. You can't chain me to a wall."

He grimaced at her choice of words. That was exactly how she would end up if she did not listen to him; chained to a wall. "All right, go to bed. I think I'll go to the library to wind down." And he silently went up the stairs and sank down on the sofa. It was time to face reality. He had to open that forgotten room and embrace the dreams. He could no longer dismiss them.

First and foremost, the dreams were real. For a start, he had seen her father in his dreams before he had met her, and this led him to the park. The dreams contained too much detail which eventually proved to be accurate, Rob's face, her engagement ring, his own wedding and the birth of his children to name just a few. He had not seen everything, such as Ben's traumatic birth, but what little had invaded his mind was paranormally precise...Right, the dreams were a genuine reflection of what was to come and they were not just a figment of his imagination. That much was definite. What else?

The dreams came whenever they were apart and in fact had stopped altogether after their marriage. So why return now? Perhaps this was a sign of imminent danger.

He focussed on his latest dream. She was chained to a cellar wall. He had had a similar dream way back, she was also chained to a wall and he had seen himself going down the cellar steps and finding her unconscious and bleeding heavily. He had somehow known that she had been pregnant and lost the child. Well, he must make sure that she was not pregnant again and perhaps this dream would never materialize. They were already taking precautions; Freddie's outburst had scared him and he did not want to risk another pregnancy so soon after Ben and then Sarah. And she was still breastfeeding. So that was taken care of. But what if that point was not relevant? It might still happen anyway, her being pregnant or not.

He focussed again and tried to remember every disgusting detail. The man was hooded and heavily dressed with a thick jacket. The air inside the cellar was frosty and the man had dressed accordingly. Unfortunately that attire obscured a lot of details. And moreover, Josh had not been able to see him face on. But if he were to name the man he would...he stopped. No that was not possible...Rob or Freddie. Ironically they were both very similarly built, they were both back in her life and they were both in love with her and he was insanely jealous of both of them.

What would Maria say if he were to tell her that either Rob or Freddie were about to perform such a horrendous act on her? She would declare him obsessively insane, like she so often did when he had tried to stop her from working with Freddie. She would say that his jealousy had taken him to limits beyond reason whereby he hallucinated that his two rivals were this mad despicable man. And perhaps she would be right. The murderous violent character and lust for blood he had just seen in the hooded man did not quite fit in either of them. He remembered the proper English gentleman, Rob, hovering around her when she was in hospital with the twins, and he remembered Freddie desperately trying to keep her alive the night Ben was born. They were both professional doctors and they would always preserve life rather than end it. No, this man had to be someone else with a similar build to Freddie and Rob and... himself.

How was he going to tackle this? Telling her the truth was not an option. She would never believe him and besides, she cannot know what was about to happen to her, the fear of it will surely kill her. He had to approach it in another way, perhaps conjure up an obsessed fan story. Wait, the man could be someone hired by some fanatic admirer who wanted her out of the way. He had often seen that mad deranged obsession around him. And most of the fan mail he received were indeed outrageously extreme. Could he involve the police? No, that would not work; they would not base their investigations on a dream before it actually happened. He could hire some private detectives to keep twenty-four-hour surveillance on her, they would not ask for hard facts. With a strategy in mind he picked up the phone and hired an entire team of private detectives.

He suddenly felt that desperate need to stay close to her. He went back to their bedroom and watched her deep in sleep, not a single worry troubling her mind. He slipped in between the sheets and drew her in his arms. She yawned and opened her eyes, and smiled as his lips found hers, one long never-ending kiss as though that were the last kiss he would ever give her. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gently made love to her.

But time never stood still. It was getting late. She had to go to work with his brother, and he had to smile and be fine with that because he did not want a repeat of the jealous tantrums that had nearly finished them off a few months earlier.

"Josh, I've got to go now."

"Don't go, not today, please stay with me."

She heard the fear in his voice. "Is this about that dream again? Forget it."

"I'll take you to work this morning and you must not leave the hospital grounds. And I will come back for you in your office at the end of the day. I have had some mail from an obsessed fan and I don't want you to get hurt."

She panicked, "You should take care of the kids, I can look after myself. Did you report this to the police?"

"The kids will be fine in here with Julie, and I have hired some bodyguards to help out, I hope you don't mind," partly true, he was not totally lying yet.

"Why didn't you tell me about this earlier? You looked fine yesterday, but now you have that frightful haunted look in your eyes that you used to have before we got married." She leaned over and kissed his eyes. He grabbed her round the waist, pulling her on top of him. "Josh, you can't possibly have energy for more," Maria laughed as she slipped out of his embrace. So sex will not keep her there either.

Josh quickly got dressed and waited for her to get ready. They asked Julie to mind the children and they set off. Josh could see the two detectives trailing them, their one aim being not to lose sight of Maria. He felt better, nothing could possibly happen with such close supervision. He started to relax. He parked the car and walked with her to her office. He quickly inspected the room, flicking the curtains aside and looking beneath her desk.

She laughed, "Now that is beyond obsession," and she threw him out after giving him a long goodbye kiss.

The day dragged on and not even playing with the kids could take his mind off the frightful dream. The clock finally struck six and he left Julie to mind the older children while he took little Sarah with him. He parked the car and cradled the baby close to his chest as he walked to her office. He knocked on her door and went in. Freddie was sprawled across the armchair on the other side of her desk. They were deep in conversation.

"Your personal bodyguard is here," Freddie said as he nodded curtly. He quickly left the room.

"Did you tell him about the whole thing?" Josh asked her.

"I thought it best to inform him why two big burly men have been lurking outside my office all day." She hugged him and kissed her little baby. "Freddie is getting married next month and he has asked me to persuade you to be his best man. He wants to put all animosity behind him and you two can start again."

"Sure, I can do that."

"You were right, he did admit a tiny crush on me but that is all over and he is deeply in love with Tanya now."

"Tanya! That's weird...but anyway, good for him." He was not totally convinced, Freddie and marriage did not mix well especially with the superficial Tanya. But he did not spare a thought on his brother; he had other things on his mind.

They drove home in silence. Josh sensed that something was troubling her. Perhaps Freddie's upcoming marriage had disturbed her. She must have got used to him fawning over her.

"What's bothering you?" he asked when they arrived home. He sat on the sofa with the tiny baby still clinging to his chest.

"I was talking to Freddie about his feelings towards me, which he assured me are all gone now," she hurriedly emphasized, "and the conversation just led to that night...erm...when I was pregnant with the twins. Freddie said that he had never discussed it with you and I didn't tell you either. Anna knew what had happened but I never told her that he had proposed. Freddie has a pretty good idea how you came to know about _that proposal_ but he would not tell me how."

Josh sighed. He really did not need this right now. Freddie was still trying to undermine their relationship, with or without his professed love for Tanya. "Of course he would know! When we were boys we used to set up surveillance cameras in girls' bedrooms, just for a laugh."

"You did that to me?"

Josh could see the horror building up in her face. "No, not in your bedroom, only in your living room."

"As if that would make it less disgusting. So what did you do? Did you just sit there and watch me all day? Did you ask Anna to phone at that crucial second?"

"Yes, but only because I saw that you didn't want to go any further. I didn't interfere in the beginning when...ermm...you seemed to be enjoying yourself."

"You are disgusting Josh. When did you set it up?" She had tears in her eyes and mistrust in her voice.

"From the very start, I was just anxious because I had this feeling that something bad would happen to you. I just wanted to be able to watch you every day." That must have sounded as if he were an obsessive psychopath. "I didn't do it for any other reason but to keep you safe. I swear."

"And you expect me to believe that! Josh, you are always manipulating me, twisting my thoughts, fiddling with my life. You fathered the twins just to tie me to you. Our marriage was built on deceipt. I can't stay here, I've got to go far away from you," and she quickly snatched the car keys but Josh grabbed her arm.

"And where are you going? Don't go crying back to Freddie now. Let him be, he has finally got over you and moved on. Face it; he's going to marry Tanya. Is that why you are so frustrated today?"

"Grow up, Josh. Yes, I would run to Freddie because he's my friend, and nothing else. He is not the monster you make him out to be. He understands me and he never acts around me like you do. Let me go, you are hurting me."

Josh let go of her arm and begged, "Maria please, there is a reason why I set up the camera and after all it happened a long time ago, you can't throw away everything we've had since then."

"It hasn't been that long, Josh. The twins had their third birthday not so long ago," she stopped, shell-shocked. "Three years, Josh, that is how long we've been married, just three years...I was engaged to Rob for three years. I didn't know him then, and I never got to know you either." She sat down beside him, suddenly horrified. "Three years and I have four children. I rushed into that marriage but I had no choice. I don't know you, Josh. What else are you hiding from me? Do you have an unwanted kid that you swept under the carpet, the same thing your dad did to you? Like father, like son."

That really wounded him. He cradled the sleeping baby close to his chest, feeling lost and sad.

"I'm really sorry, Josh, I should never have said that." His pain had diffused her outburst. "I just need some space to think. I have to go," she said meekly.

"It's not safe for you to go wandering about on your own. I'd rather go myself. I'll give you your space and I will let you decide what you want out of your life. You can always phone me if you ever want me back," and he handed the sleeping Sarah to her. "Please promise me that you will try to cooperate with the bodyguards outside. You are not to go out of the house unaccompanied. I won't go unless you promise."

She promised. He headed towards the door but before he could go out, "And by the way, I just want you to know that I'm pregnant again."

His blood froze inside his veins. "That is NOT possible, we have been careful, very careful, and you are still breastfeeding." He was desperately willing her to agree with him, knowing that the baby will not live if it were true. The ball had started to roll, he could not stop the course of events.

"Breastfeeding is not the best contraceptive. You...we were not careful enough. It was probably that time in the library, we were just carried away. Anyway I checked this morning, the result is positive."

"I should probably stay. I'll be out of your way, I promise. You won't even know I'm here." Josh made the final plea.

"I'm sorry, it doesn't change things. I need to get my head around this mess...I still love you Josh." She burst out sobbing, hugging their three-month-old baby.

"I love you too, I always have and I always will." And he went out, hoping that it was not the last time he had seen her.

# Sphere of Control

She was still chained to the wall, but now her spirit was crushed. She no longer called for her husband because she didn't care whether she lived or died. She heard the trapdoor creak open and the reverberating footsteps came down the stairs. She rolled herself into a ball, weeping bitterly.

She begged him to have mercy on her, to kill her, but he roughly turned her over. In his hand was a red hot burning rod, the ones used for branding cattle, and he pressed it hard onto her flank. She was his now, he had left his mark on her. Her scream echoed around the cellar, dying down way after she lost consciousness....

Josh had been having the dreams for three consecutive nights now. They still left him gasping for air but he had learnt to quickly move on. He was now focussing on the things which were within his control. He imagined an inner sphere around him, everything within that space he could influence and change. Anything outside was not within his control so he would not waste his energy on it. He would give his best to prevent her abduction, but if his best failed he had to be prepared to face the cellar. And so, Josh wanted the dreams, he wanted to remember every disgusting detail and use it to his advantage.

He had moved in with the team of private detectives lodging in a vacant villa across the road and he had been discussing how he could tackle various problems. He knew that he would somehow find the cellar because he had seen himself going down those steps. But he had to tweak the events after that. First on his list of problems was freeing her from those iron locks around her wrists, and then opening the trapdoor. The detectives thought that he was a hopeless lunatic whose only place in life was a deep padded cell, barred by a thousand bars. He had got them to constantly follow his wife and was discussing detailed options should she get kidnapped. Moreover, the wife had kicked him out two days ago. Josh was sure that they all sympathized with the unfortunate wife, but the pay was more than generous.

He slowly got out of bed. He was greeted downstairs by Marco, the detective in charge of the bizarre operation. Marco had found a solution to the first problems. He showed Josh how to mix chemicals inside locks. The subsequent small explosion usually did the trick. The trapdoor could easily be tackled that way. The locks so close to her hands were a bit more delicate. But Josh tried it out and he smiled at the simplicity of it all. Marco had even disguised the products into harmless-looking miniature cylinder key rings so that Josh could carry them around wherever he went. The detective patiently explained everything, though Josh could not help noticing the sorry look he gave him.

The team informed him that Maria and Julie had to take the kids to the cinema that day, but for some strange reason Maria had decided to stay at home. The detectives enquired whether he wanted them to split up and follow the kids as well.

"No," Josh told them, "focus on the wife, forget the kids." One of them had been on the point of telling him, "You are one sick controlling fanatic, man."

Josh smiled. It might seem that way to the casual eye but in reality he had not even tried to contact her. He wanted to give her that space and perhaps she would find it in her heart to forgive him for the millionth time. His phone rang.

"Hello Josh, I need to speak to you for a second, are you busy?"

She had phoned, relief washed over him. "I will be right there." He was opening his front door the very next minute and she was startled to see him so soon.

"That was quick. Where were you?"

"Just across the road."

"Were you spying on me again?" She was smiling. Smiling was a good sign.

"I haven't, but the men across the road have and they've been reporting everything you do to me, so technically, yes I have been spying."

"Those men are so annoying; I hate being watched all the time. They keep asking for a minute by minute account of what I intend to do. Can you call everything off...if...if you come back here?"

Was he forgiven? "I will gladly move back in but they will have to stay for a little while longer." He was firm on that point.

"Are you still worried about that fan thing, nothing happened."

"...Yet," Josh continued for her. "So, does this mean that I'm forgiven?" He walked slowly to where she was standing.

"I might have overreacted. And I'm really sorry about what I said about your dad. I really did not want to hurt you."

"I honestly haven't lost any sleep over your comment, so forget it. Though I have been losing sleep wondering if you can ever forgive me," and he pulled her closer to him and started to kiss her, but then he remembered Marco watching through the open window and he took her hand and led her inside their bedroom.

"Why didn't you go with the kids today?" he asked as he buried his face in her neck.

"I just wanted to see you. I feel so lost without you."

"I will always come when you call me. I will never leave you alone. I promise." That morning he had seen her alone and in pain, giving up on life. Perhaps she would remember his promise and find the strength to keep holding on.

Their magic was broken three hours later when Julie returned with their children. Josh could hear their childish laughter outside their bedroom door.

"The kids will be thrilled to see you. They've been asking for you every five minutes," Maria said as they quickly got dressed. They were indeed over the moon when they saw him emerge from the bedroom and they all fought hard to climb into his arms with shouts of "Daddy's back." He scooped them up and proposed that they all go down to their beach.

They were watching their children playing on the sand when Maria turned to him, "Josh, did you know that Ben can read? And he isn't even two. He is just like you. He is truly amazing. The other day I saw him reading my book and when I asked him about it, he just gave it all back to me."

Josh scowled, he didn't want any of his children to be like him. He could clearly remember the feeling of isolation, as if he were imprisoned in this large room inside his mind with no one to talk to, no one understanding him, except perhaps the kindly psychiatrist who turned out to be his future father-in-law.

"Why the frown? Aren't you pleased?"

"Of course I'm not; I wanted all my children to have normal sane minds like yours. There is more to it than just reading and memory. It can be very painful and scary. I think I should talk to him about it." He could not tell her of the heartache he felt as he saw the dark side of his future unfold before him and his frustration at the inability to change it. Knowing must be a curse from God, a retribution for his many past sins.

Maria snorted, "Don't be overdramatic; there is nothing wrong with you. I would have loved to have your brains."

Josh stood up and called Ben. He took his hand and led him up to the library. The boy proudly showed his father the volumes of books he had already tackled. He admitted to sneaking up to the library at night and scaling up shelves or climbing up the ladder to get access to all the books. Josh had noticed misplaced and missing books but he had assumed that Maria had helped herself to them. Ben was unusually alert and mature for his age, his thoughts were clear and formed and he was debating like a ten-year-old child. Why hadn't he picked this up earlier? Perhaps he had become too engrossed with his marital problems.

"This is really good, Ben. But sometimes it can get very scary in there," Josh said as he touched Ben's head. "Do you ever see things, like really vivid colourful pictures?"

Ben laughed, "No, daddy."

Josh let out a sigh of relief. Perhaps Ben was not totally wired up like him. "Ok, that's fine. Would you like it if we were to meet every week, just you and me, here in this library and we can talk about anything that you're not happy with?" Josh was adamant about this; if his son had this Blake curse gene, he would not be alone and lost like he had been when he was a child.

That night Josh lay in bed, willing himself to dream. He wanted the gruesome dreams; every single disjointed snippet was priceless. He would piece everything together to glean all the information. And he will find a way to change them.

****

Josh went down the cellar steps, his hands tied with a thick rope. He ran to her battered body and sank to his knees. He wept as he kissed her for he knew that she had lost their child. But she wasn't reacting to his presence. She was stiff, cold and lifeless; he was too late.

" _You've killed her," he screamed out in agony as he felt his heart disintegrate, leaving only that bare cold emptiness in its place..._

...then he remembered the young psychiatrist talking to the five-year-old Josh. "My boy, you have to believe in your abilities. You have to think hard and mould destiny down that obscure closed alleyway. Turn it into a working path....

Josh moaned with pain as he tossed and turned on his bed _..._

...then he saw himself carrying her in his arms as he ran up the cellar steps. She was unconscious but still alive. He had triumphed in this dream. He burst out of the chalet and looked at his surroundings. He could see majestic mountains all around him. There was no sign of life anywhere in sight. It was biting cold, his shoulder ached and his scorched wrists burned like hell, but he had to keep on going before it was too late. He sprinted down the only path he saw. It eventually forked. He saw a tiny arrow pointing down to the left, MURREN...

Josh sprang out of bed. He had a lot of things to do. He kissed his sleeping wife and ran across the road. It was still five in the morning and Marco gave him a strange stare, but Josh did not care. He was used to people thinking that he was mad, and perhaps they were right.

He told him that he wanted to find a place called Murren, somewhere mountainous. Marco immediately set to work and soon found that it was a small skiing resort deep in the Swiss Alps. They scanned the aerial photos but he could not spot the lonely chalet. He did not know how far Murren was from this chalet, he had only seen the sign that indicated that he would eventually get to it. He told Marco that if he ever went missing he had to transfer his team to Murren and organise a helicopter there, all ready for his arrival. On second thoughts, he should split his team straight away, one half trailing his wife and the other coordinating everything in Murren.

"And, oh, I almost forgot," Josh said, "Do you have anything that could cut through a thick rope and that I could carry around unnoticed. It has to be something I could use when my hands are firmly tied in front of me like this," and he put his wrists together. "I will not have much leeway for movement so...."

That was the last straw for Marco. "Holy shit," he swore beneath his breath.

"You are paid to do as I say and not to judge my sanity," Josh said in a superior icy tone. "I can assure you that I am not mad, but if you are not up for the challenge, I can hire someone else."

That seemed to calm Marco down. He cleared his throat, "I have a credit card with an extremely sharp edge that would slice through anything. It might be awkward to use if your hands are tied too tightly but you can steady it with your mouth and rub the rope against the edge. If that fails there is always an acid you could use. It would weaken the rope and you could then snap it apart. I can have that supplied in little key ring cylinders like the ones I gave you for the lock. The acid is likely to do the job faster than the card but it will probably burn your skin off too."

Josh nodded. His dream had even highlighted the burnt scorch marks the acid would leave on his wrists. He smiled. He was tackling every problem. He was prepared.

It was past two in the afternoon when he finally returned home. Maria gave him a curious look but decided not to press him for any information. She was happy that everything was back to normal, well not quite everything, "Will those men have to trail me to hospital tomorrow and will they have to stand outside my office all day?"

"I'll take you there myself and I'll come back for you in the evening. But yes, they have to be your constant companions for now...unless you want to quit working. You are pregnant after all."

"Josh, I have to go tomorrow. Freddie is away on holiday. It's Tanya's birthday and he took her on this surprise trip. I promised to hold the fort this week. And I can't quit working just like that; we have already discussed this a million times."

He could not shrug off that weird unexplainable feeling that her ordeal would somehow begin in her work place. But he would never be able to persuade her to stay at home for an indefinite period of time, after all he did not know when this would happen or if it would happen at all. He could not see her slipping through Marco's tight surveillance. He recalled his previous suspicions on the identity of the insane man; Freddie was away, but what about Rob? He just had to ask her, "Will Rob be there tomorrow?"

"No. He only visits for a few days every couple of months and I always tell you when he is coming over. Why are you asking me all this? I thought that we had agreed not to bring this between us again."

Josh shrugged, "I'm sorry."

#  The Clap of Thunder

My dearest Joshua,

When you get this note I will be long gone. Please do not try to find me, you have to start afresh. I feel suffocated by your obsessive love. I don't love you, perhaps I never did.

Please forgive me.

Maria

He was in her office. Josh looked at the note, rereading it over and over again. Was it possible that he had scared her with his obsessions? No, that was not even remotely possible. She herself had phoned and asked him to go back at the beginning of that week, if she had wanted to break up she would have done it then, he had not pressured her in any way. Their reunion had been genuine and she seemed as happy as he was. She must have been forced to write the note; she never used his legal name Joshua before. There were tiny smudges in the ink where her tears must have fallen on the paper. Besides, she might have decided to leave him but she would never leave her children behind, and she never even mentioned them in her note.

That morning he drove her to work as planned and, after a long passionate kiss, he left her office and nodded at the two detectives outside her door. He had really wanted them to camp inside the room but she would not agree to that.

"Don't be crazy Josh; the only way out of my office is the door unless I can parachute out of the third storey window. I will not have them staring at me all day. It's creepy," she insisted as she playfully pushed him out.

He spent the rest of the morning having long discussions with Marco, considering strategies and places they could meet in Murren if it came to that, however the date and time were still unknown and everything was planned hypothetically. Josh had committed to memory every street and house name in Murren and he was pleased with the tentative plan.

He was swimming in the pool with his children late in the afternoon when a flustered Marco approached him. Apparently his team's suspicions were piqued well after lunchtime when she failed to emerge from her office. Her door was locked on the inside. However it did not take long to break down the lock and find an empty office with the note on her desk, and they informed Marco at once.

Josh looked around the room. The windows were firmly locked. She could not have vanished into thin air. He suddenly noticed that her books on the bookcase were slightly displaced. He went over to investigate. The bookcase had inbuilt wheels at the bottom. He had never noticed that. He pulled and it easily slid forward, revealing a small connecting door behind it. He swore and kicked it open. Marco's men had in fact seen a man, whom they thought was one of the operating theatre nurses, wheeling a stretcher out of that adjacent room some time after they had started their watch. But that was nothing unusual in a busy hospital; some twenty stretchers had passed in front of them all throughout that day.

They needed to look at the CCTV in the building but they were not authorised to do that, so Josh phoned Freddie to ask him whether he would authorise it as the director of the hospital. Freddie was abroad with Tanya but he quickly agreed to anything Josh suggested.

"Sure Josh, you can do whatever you think is necessary, I'll authorize anything. Just put the security team on the phone, I'll speak to them and you can go ahead."

Josh had expected Freddie to at least gloat over his situation but he had been very quick and helpful, perhaps he was too busy entertaining Tanya.

But the system in that block had strangely shut down for a couple of hours that morning and no one could get to the bottom of the problem.

Marco frowned. At face value it looked as though Maria had recruited the help of some lover who had fiddled with the CCTV and helped her escape from her oppressive husband's tight clutches. But somehow that obvious picture jarred. Josh and his wife might have had their problems but someone as devoted to her family as Maria was would never leave her children behind without a struggle. Besides, he had been watching from the window the day they reconciled and that embrace had been truly genuine. But he could hardly expect the police to interfere, the presence of the note was enough proof that it was nothing but a domestic quarrel. And it was no secret that the couple had been going through a rough patch at the beginning of that year. That would strongly support the authenticity of the note.

Marco sat down, "We can report this to the police but I doubt if they would do anything about it. But I do agree with you Josh, something is not quite right. So let us assume that this is a premeditated kidnap and the person wheeling the stretcher early in the morning is responsible. Unfortunately he had a theatre mask and cap on. The wisps of hair beneath the cap looked dark and he's relatively tall and slightly overweight. But that's all we have...and all that could easily be a clever disguise. Now Josh, if you want me to help you, you need to tell me everything. How did you get to know about all this beforehand? Who is your informer?"

"That's irrelevant. But trust me, I definitely know where he's heading, Murren. We have no time to lose by opening investigations here." He looked at his watch. "He has had more than twelve hours head start, so I think we had better set out immediately. You can organise a private jet while I sort out the kids." Josh phoned Max and briefly outlined the problem without giving too much detail, and he asked him if Julie and the children could go over to Kemmuna and stay for an indefinite period of time. They would be accompanied by two of Marco's men. He was not taking any chances. They would be safe with Max and his wife on the lonely island of Kemmuna. And in any case he had not dreamt of anything happening to his children yet.

He still did not know what he would do once he got to Switzerland; if he were to go all over the mountainous region around Murren he would surely be too late, but he hoped that he might sleep on the plane. He was banking on another dream.

****

" _I'm cold Josh. I'm really cold and numb. Hold me Josh...."She called out for her husband, but he never came. He had always been there by her side, silently supporting her, but not today. Today she was on her own. The sharp knife blade was digging into her skin. The pain numbed her senses and clouded her mind, and she was hardly aware of her fate, which was good, she wanted the pain, she wanted to drift away and never remember. She wanted to sleep and never wake up._

The man was moving inside her. Her pain had excited him. He finally sat up, satisfied. He glanced down at his jacket coated red with her blood. He looked at her. She was hovering in a semi-conscious state. Right then he loved her more than anything. He did not want her to die.

He left the cellar only to return seconds later with his bag. She moaned as he cleaned her wounds with disinfectant. Then he set to work, suturing back her peeled skin. Her screams pierced the air as the needle tugged at her flesh, stitch after stitch...

Josh woke up with a gasp as the plane started to land. He had got his dream and he knew that if he could find Freddie he would find Maria. He had recognised his medical bag and expert hands at work. A wave of remorse flooded him. He had been unable to stop the course of events even though the odds had been against fate, even though he had got Marco to trail her every move. Lady Destiny had still found a loophole through which she could pass. He himself had created that loophole by not trusting his first instinct regarding the identity of the insane bloodthirsty man, just because he was a doctor...and his brother. Subconsciously he had always known, but he never wanted to acknowledge the fact that his own brother was capable of doing such extreme and evil things just to get his hands on someone he couldn't own.

But he did not have time to feel guilty and miserable, he had to act fast. He laid his sorrow to one side and started thinking. Josh was on the phone the second he landed. "You filthy insane lowlife, where is she?"

Freddie's cool voice answered back, "What are you talking about, have you gone mad, Josh?"

"You know pretty well what I am talking about, you filthy sadist. I'm in Switzerland and I want to see her."

"So the police ignored the note and trailed me here. She'll be dead by the time you find her and I will be long gone relishing the fact that you will be miserable all your stinking life."

"Don't hang up." Josh was desperate now. "The police believed the note but I didn't. I'm on my own. I just want to be with her and I'll come on your terms. Come on Freddie, you don't want to see her dead anymore than I do. Please, you have nothing to lose, you'll have us both. Just state your conditions and I will comply."

There was a long pause as Freddie started to think through his options. He had not thought that Josh would get to the bottom of this. He had been banking on being able to return to his life under the protective umbrella that marriage with the gorgeous Tanya would provide. His intentions were to leave Maria out on the mountains and hire thugs to keep her alive and he himself would visit regularly. Eventually everyone would forget Josh's runaway wife and he would smuggle her back to the States where he could enjoy her whenever he felt like it. He had gone through great lengths to cover up his tracks; he had gone away on holiday and returned in disguise. The plan was airtight and no jury would have found him guilty, he had too many alibis. But Josh, with his weird sixth sense, had followed him to Switzerland where he was supposed to be having a romantic holiday with Tanya.

His first instinct was to kill Maria and run.....but...he did not want her dead, he loved her in some strange way, he was totally obsessed with her. She was the first to reject him and he had to make her his. And besides, he hadn't planned on being a fugitive all his life. Bringing in Josh was the only way. If he left him out there someone would eventually listen to his far-fetched accusations.

"OK, that might make things more interesting. She was so unconscious when I had her this morning, having you watch might raise the excitement a notch. Right, we'll meet outside Interlaken West train station sometime this evening. I will approach you only if I'm sure that you are alone. The consequences will be painful if you try to double-cross me. Tanya will gladly blow her brains off, she hates her even more than I hate you, and that is really saying something. My, you really should have slept with her the day Ben was born, that stiff rebuff filled her with this profound vengeance. You could say that she's the brains behind the whole operation."

"I want to meet now. Why wait till this evening?"

"Because I wanted to brand her first so that if you ever make love to her again you would remember that I have had her too."

"You mental sick pig. Fuck you."

"Mind your language, Josh. Oh well, those are my terms, take it or leave it. You'll never find her otherwise."

Josh bit back his frustration. He took a deep breath and refocused. He knew that Interlaken was some distance away from Murren but he could not suggest meeting there. That would make Freddie suspicious, and so he just had to agree with the terms. He switched off the phone, burning with regret. So that was the significance of the slicing of skin and the red hot metal rod, Freddie just wanted to leave his permanent mark on her, back and front. And Josh could prevent neither.

"How did you know that it was Freddie?" Marco asked, slicing through his reflections.

"I just put the pieces together, that's all."

"This can get dirty; we have to inform the authorities. We have proof. He just admitted to everything on the phone."

"No," Josh barked, "you heard what he said, no outside interference. I will go to Interlaken by myself. No one is to follow me. I will find a way to get her out of that chalet and I'll follow the signs to Murren. I know the map of the village off by heart and I'll find you near the helicopter base. So you must go there and have everything ready for this evening. You must hire the best medical team available. They have to stay on site. Tell them that she will be bleeding heavily and in need of urgent medical attention. Her blood type is O positive. They must have everything ready for this emergency."

"How do you know all that?"

"I'm only assuming. She was pregnant, you know, and the ordeal will threaten the child." Josh looked at Marco with sorrow in his eyes as he remembered his unborn child. Marco nodded with a look of sheer pity on his face. He had come to greatly respect Josh and his eccentric demands.

Josh took a deep breath and continued, this was not the time for sentimental thoughts. "So, you must have everything ready on the Murren side of things. In the meantime you can try to discreetly track down his girlfriend Tanya. As soon as Maria is safe on the helicopter I want the authorities informed and I want both of them jailed for life. If I have not returned by eight in the morning you can then report this, but not before eight. You have to follow my precise instructions. Do you understand?"

Marco nodded and they went their separate ways.

It was three in the afternoon and Josh was already waiting outside the train station. He knew that it was far too early but Freddie would probably observe him for hours before making his appearance and the earlier he presented himself the quicker he would be approached. He fumbled with his set of keys, checking that all the gadgets were in place. He then put them back in his pocket, hoping that Freddie would find them innocuous.

Hours passed as he sat there, wallowing in self-pity. The sun went down and the darkness started to creep in.

"Hello Josh." Freddie sat down beside him. He was all muffled up in a loose jacket and cap, apparel that would not stand out on the mountains but obscure his appearance just the same. "How on earth did you figure this out? But then you do have that uncanny ability to know what is going on. Though I bet you didn't picture her lying scared and naked next to me when you phoned about the CCTV. Did you know that I had just raped her, literally seconds before the phone rang? And I've enjoyed your wife for a total of four times in the space of thirty-six hours...not bad, eh?"

Josh grabbed his jacket collar and was about to strangle him but Freddie just laughed smoothly, "Tanya is expecting me to call every hour. If I don't, your wife will die."

Josh reluctantly let go. Freddie smiled, "Ok Josh, I dictate the rules and you obey. Is that understood? Walk to the outskirts of that forest and wait for me there."

Josh grudgingly stood up and walked to the forest. Freddie slammed him against a car parked off the track. He frisked him meticulously. He confiscated the phone but he did not seem to find the credit cards in his wallet or the bunch of keys suspicious. He securely tied his hands with a thick rope and blindfolded him. The gathering darkness shrouded all this activity. Freddie smiled. He had everything under control.

"I'm curious Josh, why did you hire those bodyguards to follow her around? Is there really a crazy fan or was it intuition from your end?" Freddie asked as he started the car and set off.

Josh scoffed, "Intuition! There's no such thing as intuition. I've had some mail. It was a coincidence."

"So, why not go after this fan? Why follow me here?"

"Only you had the knowledge and authority to interrupt the CCTV footage." Josh did not want to give away too much. "But tell me, why are you doing this to me? Sure, she's a pleasant sight to look at but there are plenty of beautiful fish in the sea, why her?"

"Maria singled herself out when she chose you over me. I had to take her away from you because she was making you too happy. I despise you Josh," he spat. "You have always taken away everything I ever loved, even as a child. And you continue to do that now."

"That's nonsense, you were the one with the loving family and I was the charity cousin grovelling for some affection. I had no father and my own mother wanted to abort me. Surely you have not forgotten that, you really drummed it in at every opportunity you had," Josh returned, not seeing any logic in the argument.

"Yes, charity cousin, or shall I say charity brother. I guess you are both, my brother and cousin. I know about your filthy mother's affair with dad. I was a boy and I heard them arguing once. Your mother wanted to resume their filth and her only threat was to disappear with you, but of course dad never fell for that because he knew that she never wanted you tagging along. He challenged her, " _Take the damned bastard, I don't care_ ," he told her and she scuttled off faster than lightning. But I knew that he cared. He needed you in his life. He had become obsessed with your memory and he could not help comparing you to me. His bastard son was better than his legitimate son. You outshone me in everything I did, you started reading way before I could even speak, you always had the leading part in plays, and you always did better at school. No matter what I did, you were always better and brighter...and dad knew this, and even you could not fail to see his pride."

"He never loved me enough to tell me who he was."

But Freddie continued, lost in his bitter memories, "I realised that your filthy mother must have told you the truth on her way to hell. You never visited after her death and dad was miserable. Of course you had the stable family and grandchildren he loved, and I had nothing. You could do everything better than me...but things changed the night Ben was born. You became the crying fool while I fought hard to save your son and wife. From that day on their lives belonged to me. I started to scheme to take back what was mine. I offered her a job. She was so gullible; she thought that I only wanted her to improve our research department. Of course you saw right through me, but she never listens to what you say, and you always give in to her every wish. Why do you do that? Are you afraid of losing her if you go against her wishes? Is her love really that fickle?"

Josh clenched his teeth; his brother was exposing his fears and insecurities.

Freddie laughed, "I am right, am I not, Josh? You do think that her love is as fickle as a candle in a hurricane. And you are spot on as always. She is just like any other female, just like your filthy mother. They are all after the same thing; money, sex and power. She was flattered by the favours I bestowed upon her; the dashing medical director wanting to spend time with her. Some of the things we did at work were beyond appropriate but she never complained. I treated her like a queen, taking her out to lavish restaurants during our lunch break and oh, we really had the time of our lives, talking, flirting and laughing. She thought that it was harmless and she never saw beyond my smile just as she never sees through your smiles. The physical attraction was definitely there."

Josh shrunk back in pain.

But Freddie sighed sadly. "You might say that I did win some tiny battles but in the end I lost the war because there was a line she would never cross with me." He remembered his near victory. "Tell me Josh, how much did she spit out about that wild Christmas party eight months ago?"

"She told me that you were the heart and soul of that party and that she danced with you but she had to leave when the party got too wild for her tastes," Josh said bitterly as all his insecurities came flooding back.

"Is that all she told you? Well, I'll tell you what really happened. I started off by choking her with that bitter jealousy she always felt for you, I told her all about Pam. Then I began behaving badly with a whole bunch of girls. You know, our kissing bet. You should have told her of the tactics you used in your bachelor days and perhaps she wouldn't have fallen so naively into the trap. The wild performance aroused her, it was like watching a dirty movie, and she willingly became my tenth victim. But I bet you already knew that. You must have noticed that she had no underwear on when she returned home."

Freddie smiled. Josh had known, he could see it in his face as he chanced a sideways glance at him. But he had never confronted his wife about it.

"Yes, Josh, she succumbed and I carried her to the restroom...and yes Josh, I entered your wife's warm, moist haven. Being inside her felt like going home for Christmas. But seconds later the English prude woke up from her trance and started to struggle like a trapped hare. I had her under a firm grip and for a moment I thought that she had resigned herself to the inevitable, but then she swiftly bashed a dish in my jaw and ran out on me. I never saw that coming. She hastily made her retreat that night and the party turned flat and sour." Freddie remembered his frustration, Josh had been victorious that night, and he had to make do with four of the randomly selected girls from the party.

"The next day I apologized and she was fine again, readily believing that I had been drunk. We went back to our friendly intimate chats and highly inappropriate cuddles but she never wanted anything more than that. I tried bringing Rob back in her life, just knowing that she was cheating on you would have been enough. But that didn't work either. I finally realised that she would never stop loving that silent brooding Josh. I would hear her voice quiver with excitement as she spoke to you on the phone, telling you that she would soon come home. I used to watch her from my window as she ran to her car. She would look at her reflection on the car's window and flick her curls, her face full of anticipation that she will soon be with you again. That hurt. It hurt a lot...because I love her too."

"If you love her, then why the hell did you torture her into unconsciousness?"

"I don't know. I really don't know," Freddie mused. "I have always loved and hated her at the same time...from the very start, the very first day I met her in my clinic with her bashed forehead. The two feelings were equally intense and profound and with time they both got gradually stronger and stronger until they totally overwhelmed my life. I suppose her insolence in the cellar tipped the balance in favour of hate. It sparked off that wicked side in me and I wanted to hear her scream in agony. It made me feel like an omnipotent king. And the more she screamed the more I wanted her. I sliced her skin and branded her like cattle and repeatedly fucked her like a stinking animal. And it felt really, really good."

"You do need to see a psychiatrist, you filthy mad sadist. You are not quite there mentally," Josh spat out.

Freddie slammed on the brakes and smashed his fist in his brother's face. Josh felt blood trickling down his nose and he braced himself for more, but Freddie started the car and continued to drive on in bitter silence. Josh wished that he could see through the blindfold but he let his other senses take over. He knew that they were heading uphill and at some point they must have passed Murren because he had heard the sounds associated with village life.

After some time Freddie parked the car, opened Josh's door and grabbed his arm. He continued to lead him blindfolded over uneven ground. They eventually stopped and Freddie opened the door to the chalet. The air inside was cold, heavy and damp. The lingering smell of burnt ashes got stronger and stronger as they moved towards the kitchen.

Josh peeled off his blindfold. The metal rod lay near the cold open hearth. He grimaced. He looked away and his eye fell on the closed trapdoor. His heart started to hammer inside his chest. What would he find at the other end? Was he too late?

# Hanging by a Thread

Josh went down the cellar steps with his hands still tied with the rope. It took some time for his eyes to adjust to the darkness that greeted him. He had seen this scene a thousand times before, but nothing could have prepared him for that engulfing rush of sorrow as he saw his wife, mother of his children, lying in a pool of blood. She had nothing on except the now torn blue shirt she had worn the day she had gone to work. Some rats scurried by, nibbling at her hair, but she was oblivious to their presence.

Josh fell to his knees and kissed her forehead whilst feeling his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. "Maria, please be alive," he begged. She moved at the sound of his voice and with great difficulty she managed to force her eyelids apart. Josh was relieved, his quick thinking and planning must have made the difference between finding her dead or nearly dead. His dreams had served their purpose.

She looked at his bleeding nose and tied hands. "Oh Josh, you should have stayed with the kids," she whispered. "I'm dying anyway. Now he will kill you too. Who will take care of our children when we are both gone?"

"You are not going to die. You just have to hold on for a little while longer. I found you like I said I would. I'll make you well again and you will go home because our children need you."

She shook her head, "No, Josh. I'm not going to survive this. I deserve everything I got. I just want you to forgive me before I go."

"There is nothing to forgive, this is not your fault," he sobbed as he leaned his head against her forehead.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Josh could see that her spirit was completely annihilated. Whatever Freddie had done had left her lifeless within. She didn't even _want_ to survive this.

"You freaking maniac," he hollered at his brother. "You have destroyed her will to live."

Freddie viciously kicked him on his shoulder, making him fall to his side. Josh felt something give and experienced blinding pain in his right collar bone, he must have fractured it. But this pain was nothing compared with the burning ache in his heart. He tried to sit up but Freddie's boot slammed into his groin and he doubled up in pain. He felt Freddie's kicks repeatedly hammering down upon him but he tried to focus on Maria's terrified face as she jerked again and again with the sound of every brutal kick. He could not lose consciousness; he had to be strong enough to get them both out of there.

At some point Freddie seemed to decide that physical pain was just not enough for his beloved brother, so he slammed his boot for one last time and dragged him to the other side of the room. He turned and walked very slowly towards Maria, relishing her protracted terror.

"Please, no, no, no, please forgive me," she whimpered as she buried her face in the hard cellar floor.

"This is for the many times you pushed me away," Freddie told her as he grabbed her ankles and pulled.

Josh tried pleading as he slithered towards them, "Freddie, you have to stop this madness now. She's bleeding heavily and she needs to go to hospital. Please Freddie. It's me you want to torment. I'll stay here, lock me up and leave me here to die. Without me hovering around her, I know that she will begin to love you; I just know that, call it my sixth sense again. Freddie please, don't hurt her again, don't let her die. You're a doctor, for goodness' sake; you should preserve life and not end it. She is miscarrying...."

"She's pregnant? I thought that...but it's so soon, your daughter is just three months old. You never learn, Josh." Freddie's surprise was profound. He gently lifted her hair out of her face and stroked her wet cheek. "Why didn't you tell me that you were pregnant?"

Josh saw the dramatic change in Freddie. He did not understand this rapid flip but he tried pleading again, "We didn't plan this pregnancy, it just happened. Freddie, please, you love her too."

Freddie carefully took her hand and felt her pulse. It was the same Freddie who had fought so hard to save her life the night Ben was born. "Don't be afraid Maria, I only want to see what's wrong with you. I won't hurt you again. I never wanted to hurt you in the first place." Freddie's voice was surprisingly soft and docile. He slowly turned her over and started to examine her, taking particular care to avoid the numerous bruises and cuts covering her body. There was no hatred in his eyes as he spoke to Josh, "I'll be back in an hour with some equipment and I can treat her here. I won't let her die."

Josh pushed his luck, "Can you put her on that bed in the corner? She doesn't have to stay all chained up, she can't escape, she can't even move. She is as cold as ice, and it's freezing in here." Josh held his breath.

Freddie took the keys out of his pocket and undid the locks. He very gently picked her up and carried her to the bed, covering her with a thick blanket. Then he shot up the steps and locked the door behind him. Freddie seemed to have had a change of heart, but Josh was not taking any chances with his volatile moods.

He had an hour, or perhaps less. At least he had managed to persuade Freddie to undo the chains and he did not have to perform his chemistry experiment so close to her hands. He crossed over to her and spoke in a soothing voice, "I'll get you out of here, I promise, we will soon go home," but she closed her eyes and relapsed back to her semi-conscious state. Again Josh saw her reluctance to fight for her own survival.

He had no time to lose, and he was not going to waste precious seconds fiddling with the sharp credit card. So, ignoring the pain in his collar bone, he wedged his keys out of his pocket and threw the acid on the rope, burning his wrists in the process. But it did the trick and the rope was weakened enough to snap with little force. He ran to the door and poured the two chemicals in the lock. He stepped back for the tiny explosion. That did not fail him either. Thank God for Marco.

He wrapped Maria in the blanket and lifted her up. Every inch of her body was battered and bruised, and there was nowhere he could touch without sending her into spasms of pain, but Josh kept murmuring encouraging words as he bounded up the cellar steps. His shoulder hurt and his wrists burned but he could not afford to wince. Luckily for him, Maria was still the fragile tiny woman he had married. The moonlight highlighted the path and he set off, running and putting as much distance behind him as he possibly could. He soon came to the fork in the path and he followed the sign to Murren and continued to plough on, all the time keeping a lookout for Freddie's car.

His arms were aching but he kept on jogging. The cold mountain air was getting to him too. It was still August but they were experiencing freak cold weather conditions out on the mountains that summer and at that altitude large patches of ice were already forming. But he could not complain; it could be much worse if it had been winter, or if he had to go uphill, at least running downhill was not so taxing on his heart.

After an hour he spotted some lights coming from the village ahead, Murren at last. At the same time he saw headlights speeding up the track towards the chalet. He stopped and hid behind a thick fir tree. It must have been Freddie. Josh quickened his pace; he did not want to face his brother's rapid transformation into that evil vengeful monster. He soon reached the outskirts of the village. He had no problem retrieving the map in his mind and he headed straight for the helicopter pad. He sprinted the last few metres.

Marco had been on the lookout. He ran forward and took Maria from his arms and carried her to the helicopter where a medical team immediately set to work. Josh staggered inside and was in time to see a black car speed by, probably a livid Freddie returning from the empty chalet. Josh had enough time to shout out the vehicle make and registration number to Marco before collapsing.

# Accepting Mistakes and Moving On

He recognised the island of Kemmuna. He was basking in the Mediterranean sun. That same sun shimmered and sparkled on the clear blue sea and the air was still and quiet, punctured only by the buzzing of a busy bee. He stood up and dived into the water, its crystal freshness cleansing his mind. But he felt that there was something he should be doing there in Kemmuna, he had to dig up something that was locked up in that quaint little house, Max's house.

It was time to stop acting. He had to invite her into that hidden locked room inside his sanctuary and he had to try to explain it all to her. She would only believe him if he managed to find it in Max's house. Only then could he honestly give her all her options, and she would be able to choose her own path... Or else he could just do the noble thing and disappear from her life; leave her and his kids behind without a word of explanation. What will his children say in twenty years' time; will they understand that it was the only way to save their mother or will they hate him for the rest of their lives?

....The scene changed and a much younger tall dark-haired man knelt down and hugged the five-year-old tearful Josh. They were saying their goodbyes. The boy walked slowly to the door, his shoulders drooping down. He stopped and turned round.

" _Please don't go. You have to help me to understand myself. I...I need you," he begged._

" _I'm sorry Josh, my wife is not happy here in the States and...." The psychiatrist's voice trailed off._

" _...and you have other priorities," the boy finished off for him. "That's fine, I understand."_

" _We can still write."_

" _NO... I won't write back. Goodbye Dr Conti."_

The psychiatrist heard the bitterness in the boy's voice. "Josh, you are wrong, you are worth loving. You are very important to me....to us all. You will be that vital nucleus in your family." He put his hand on his little shoulder as he implored, "Please Josh, remember this, no one else can ever replace you. Don't ever abandon your chances of happiness just to take that painful safest option for her."

The boy squirmed away from his hand, opened the door and ran crying into Julie's arms. The psychiatrist sighed. He was lucky to have known such an extraordinary child, an adult trapped inside a boy. His conversations were mature, deep and powerful. He could only begin to imagine the sheer strength of his thoughts when he eventually grew into that adult.

He slowly sat at his desk and started writing in his black notebook. The door opened. He smiled at his heavily pregnant wife and put the black book in his desk drawer....

Josh opened his eyes. His wrists were bandaged and his arm was strapped to his chest. He and his wife had been holed in that Swiss hospital for four days now. His mission had not ended exactly the way he had wanted it to. Tanya was behind bars but Freddie had slipped away and Josh knew that he would eventually strike again, but he didn't know when. Time was never fixed in stone and the ages of the children often varied from one dream to the next. But he reckoned that he had at least another year or two.

Now his first priority was to get his wife well again. He glanced at the opposite bed in the hospital room. Maria was still reluctant to come back and face life. Physically she was on the mend and her various wounds were healing rapidly. At least Freddie had done a good job in stitching her up again. But she remained in a deep coma. Dr Bell, a psychiatrist and old friend of Maria's who was flown in to Switzerland to help, did not find this alarming. She said that the psychological trauma would be the last to heal, if it would heal at all. Josh had to be very patient and understanding.

He got out of bed and stood by her side. "Please Maria, come back. The kids need their mum. And I need you too." He bent down and kissed her lifeless lips before trudging back to his own bed. It was still too early to start the day. He must have drifted off to sleep again because he was suddenly shaken back to the room some two hours later by her desperate screams. He quickly ran to her side, cradling her trembling body.

"It's all right. Don't be afraid. It's all over now."

"The baby...."

"Maria, you miscarried, but the important thing is that you are safe and well."

She continued to cry bitterly on his shoulder, "What happened? The last thing I remember is standing in my office. How did you hurt your hand? Were we involved in an accident?"

She was blocking everything from her conscious mind and Josh was not sure what to do. He thought it best to let her find her own memory in her own time, so he continued to silently soothe her. Dr Bell seemed to think so too, but she did warn Josh that when the memories eventually start to flood in, she would be thrown into a deep crises.

Maria continued to have nightmares every night. She would wake up screaming hysterically but she never remembered anything else but a cold dark cellar infested with rats. And she so easily persuaded herself that it was nothing but a fictitious dream. But apart from her nightmares she seemed to be coping relatively well, she was bright and smiley all morning. She missed the kids and Josh promised that they could join them in Max's house in the Mediterranean as soon as she was well.

Two weeks passed and they returned back home to the States. Josh wondered if being in familiar surroundings would finally jog her memory, and he prepared for the crisis. It happened much sooner than he thought.

"It's so quiet without the kids. It's just like old times, just you and me," she said as they stood in the lounge. "I've missed having you so close to me, I hate hospitals." She slid her hands beneath his shirt and reached up on her toes to kiss him. She did seem very keen to take this further but he was not sure if she was mentally ready for more than a kiss; he had been warned by Dr Bell. He slammed on his brakes and gently broke the embrace.

"Do you want some coffee?"

She nodded, disappointed.

As he handed her the cup of steaming coffee the crisis immediately struck home. Her brown eyes widened and the cup slipped from her hand and shattered on the floor. She covered her face with her hands and started to breathe rapidly, swaying to one side. Josh circled his arms around her waist, steadying her, but she panicked even more and forcefully pushed him away.

"It was Freddie, wasn't it? It was Freddie coming down the cellar steps in my nightmares and he...Oh Josh, I'm so sorry, how can you ever forgive me." She ran into their room and slammed the door.

Josh knocked and slowly turned the doorknob. She was lying on their bed, hugging her knees and sobbing bitterly. As he came closer she buried her face in the pillow and started to tremble. She had been transported to that cellar again. She was on the very edge of insanity and he did not want to push her, so he took some steps backwards, leaned against the doorframe and spoke gently, "Maria, there is nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault."

"But it is my fault. I've killed our baby. You tried to warn me about him but I never listened. I enjoyed bringing out that jealous streak in you and I used to flirt with him to pay you back for what you did in the past. Perhaps I went too far but I swear I only did it in bitter vengeance. He was always dating other girls and I never thought that there was anything seriously romantic between us. We were just great friends and we used to talk about everything," she sobbed. "Please Josh, stay away from me, don't touch me," she shrieked hysterically as Josh crossed the room and attempted to take her into his arms.

"Maria, don't lock me out. I'm not Freddie and I will never hurt you. Would you feel better if I called Dr Bell and you discussed this with her?"

She nodded but continued to sob in her pillow.

The doorbell rang some fifteen minutes later. Dr Bell quickly controlled the situation and Maria started to loosen up and stopped crying and even managed a quick glance at her husband, who was still standing patiently by the bedroom door.

"Would you like to tell me what you remember? It will help if you unload it off your chest. Josh can wait outside if you want him to," Dr Bell said gently as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"No, he can stay. He has a right to know what happened." Maria could not bring herself to look at him as he came in and sat on a nearby armchair. "Soon after Josh left my office, the bookcase was jerked forward. I was surprised to see Freddie standing there. He quickly crossed the room and locked my door. He threatened to blow up our house with the kids and Josh inside it if I didn't write a goodbye note. I started to laugh, thinking that it was nothing but a nasty joke, but he was dead serious and I just wrote whatever he dictated. He then gave me a cup of coffee. When Josh gave me the cup just a while ago, it somehow triggered back all the memories." She paused. "The coffee was surely drugged because the next thing I remember is lying on a bed in this cellar with Freddie and Tanya standing over me."

She grimaced, not sure how to continue. Josh did not want to hear the story. He already knew all the sordid details. He wanted to tell her that it did not matter and that he loved her just the same, but he switched on his acting mode and hid all his anguish.

"It was freezing cold but I had nothing on except the shirt I wore to work that morning. I don't know what they did to me whilst I was unconscious but I felt very sore and dirty down there. I moved to the corner of the bed away from them. Freddie was not aggressive at first, he just let his hatred for Josh spring forth. He painted this dark, malevolent picture of him and he said that he had to kidnap me for my own good, to protect me from him. He piled on the bed thousands of photos of Josh... really explicit photos of him intimate with Tanya and many others..." she stopped, the memory too painful and burning.

"And how did you feel about that?" Dr Bell encouraged her.

"It hurt. My husband's past had always been my sore point." Maria was talking to Dr Bell as if Josh had not been present in the room. He was just an outsider listening to two people discussing him. She completely avoided his eyes and ploughed on, "I started to cry and Freddie dragged me towards him and pushed me down flat on the bed amongst the mass of photos scattered all around me. He had seen my pain and he expected no resistance from me. But by then I had come to recognise his tactics, a bit too late. He had been shoving Josh's dirty linen in my face ever since Ben was born. I rammed my knee in his groin and he went bizarrely insane. He grabbed my hair and dragged me off the bed and chained my hands to the wall. He had this really crazy look and he started to hit me and punch me and then he...Tanya just sat there, smiling and watching it all." She collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably.

Josh could no longer stomach her grief and he knelt by the bed and took her in his arms, "It doesn't matter. Nothing matters any more. I still love you, I will always love you even if you had wanted it to happen. You don't have to continue your story." His tears mixed with her own as they streamed down her face. His closeness strangely calmed her down. After some time she continued, looking into his eyes, Dr Bell now the onlooker.

"At that point you phoned about some CCTV. I tried to scream but Tanya gagged my mouth. They left after a while. It was really cold and there were rats everywhere, but I didn't mind as long as Freddie stayed away. However he returned soon enough and he went really crazy for no particular reason; I had not even opened my mouth. He began to cut my skin with a sharp knife, but at that point I was in so much pain that I don't really remember what happened next. I vaguely remember him stitching me up and later he pressed this burning rod to my back. I thought that I would soon die and I hoped I would. I dimly remember you standing next to me but I thought that I was hallucinating. How did you find me?"

"It's a long story. Marco helped a lot. The important thing is that you are with us again. We have to put all this behind us and try to move on. We can get over this if you remember that I love you no matter what."

"Well said, Josh. I couldn't have put it better myself." Dr Bell nodded and smiled. "Maria, I think you've had enough for today. I will give you something to help you sleep, and, perhaps Josh could bring in a glass of water?"

Josh took the hint and he quickly left the room, closing the door behind him.

"Is there anything else you want to discuss with me?"

Maria started crying again, "The things Freddie did to me in that cellar were beyond demeaning. I did not dare go into any details. Josh won't look at me in the same way again and I'm terrified of him packing up and leaving me. I have always been petrified of that very thought and that was why I wanted to drive him insane with jealousy. I was constantly flirting with Freddie, egging him on. I guess I wanted to show Josh that I too had my own fans. So you see, all this is my fault."

"That's a normal subconscious psychological reaction to your husband's outstanding fame. Admitting it is one step towards abolishing it. Jealousy can never glue you together, it can only tear you apart. Maria, Josh will never leave you. I did openly discuss things with him when you were still unconscious in hospital. The psychological trauma can be just as distressing for the partners of rape victims, but Josh was very open-minded, composed and focussed on getting you well again. He is aware of what you had to go through; Freddie made sure that he knew all about the fine details, so this is not new to him. He is happy if you are happy and I think that for the sake of his love and your family you should try to move forward. Put it all behind you. Will you work on that?"

Josh saw Dr Bell to the door and slowly returned to their room. The atmosphere was heavy and uncomfortable. Maria kept staring fixedly at the floor as she sat on the edge of their bed. Josh sank on one knee and clasped her hands, "Forgive me Maria. I never wanted to drag you inside my insane family circle."

"Josh please, stop blaming yourself for everything that happens around you. You are not responsible for the things Freddie did. He is not mentally stable. He has been harbouring this profound hatred for you for years, way before you and I got together. He even went to this crazy extreme of secretly filming you with women whenever you went to his wild parties in his apartment."

"That explains all the photos he showed you." He sighed sadly, "He knew all along that I was his brother because he had heard my mum and Phil arguing when we were children. And you know what...I don't blame him for hating me." Josh stood up and kissed her lightly on her cheek. "It's quite late and it's been a long day. Let's go to bed."

Maria seemed to hesitate.

"Do you want me to leave the room whilst you get changed?" he asked. But she shook her head and slowly stood up. Josh turned round and pretended to fiddle with his phone as she quickly changed into her nightwear and got into bed, pulling the sheets up to her neck. He sensed her discomfort and decided to be frank with her, "Would you prefer that I sleep in the other bedroom? I can give you some space.... Or I can stay here if you want me to."

"Stay, I don't want to be on my own. I'll be fine."

Josh lay beside her, cradling her close to him, "We will get through this. It will be better in the morning; everything looks brighter in the morning."

# Watched

The shrill ring of his phone penetrated his deep slumber. It had been a restful night and Maria had had no nightmares, in fact she was still fast asleep on his shoulder. Josh gently moved his arm and quickly grabbed the ringing phone, hoping that she would continue resting for a little while longer, even though it was already eleven in the morning he realised with a start. They had both caught up with some much-needed sleep.

"Oh hello sweetheart," he whispered as he heard his daughter's voice, "Mummy's still asleep. Hold on, I just need to go out of the room." And he stealthily got out of bed and made for the door. But Maria called him. He gave her the phone and sank back in bed, vigorously rubbing his hands across his face to dispel those last remnants of sleep. He listened to the vibrant conversation and he was pleased to see her looking so much happier that morning, and she even managed a good joke.

"We should probably go over to Kemmuna for a while," she told him as she gave him back the phone. "They are enjoying their time there. I still remember the glorious Mediterranean summer when I was their age. We would leave wet and windy England behind for more than a month and dad would take us swimming and snorkelling all day long. In the evening we would feast upon a gigantic plate of barbecued meat, just like little Roman gluttons. Oh, those Mediterranean summers were sacred, the highlight of the entire year, better than Christmas. And apparently Max has stepped into my father's shoes and is giving our children that same treat." There was this sparkle in her eyes.

"We can join them as soon as you feel up to it. We really need a good holiday now."

A worrying thought crept into her mind, "Are the kids safe? Do you think Freddie will do anything to them?"

"They will be all right. There are two of Marco's men there just in case. This must be their best assignment ever, just watching a couple of kids whilst basking in the Mediterranean sun. But on the other hand, I'm sure that Nick is turning their peaceful holiday into pure hell."

The phone rang once more; it was Nick wanting to have a word with his mother. Josh handed her the phone and listened to her second bubbly conversation. She smiled as she hung up. Her children always made her feel better. She was still holding the phone when it started ringing again.

"I bet it's Ben now," she laughed as she put the phone to her ear.

"Maria." Freddie's voice broke with emotion. "Please forgive me." He was crying now. "I need you Maria. I really needed to talk to you and I just grabbed the opportunity when I saw the phone in your hand. We used to be so good together, but I let my rage ruin it all. Please, give _us_ another chance. It will be different next time, I promise."

"There won't be a next time, stay away from me." She was shaking violently. Josh looked at her, not grasping what was going on and still thinking that it was Ben on the other side of the line. He quickly grabbed the phone back.

"Damn, here comes the knight in shining armour again," Freddie said before Josh had a chance to utter a single word.

"How did you know I took the ...?" Josh was baffled but a part of his brain was already processing the information. His eyes quickly scanned the room.

"That's right Josh. You are not the only one who sets up surveillance cameras in people's houses. It was there from the very start, just after the twins were born. I have watched you every single day, every time you had sex with her, which I can tell you happens _way_ too often. You just can't keep your hands to yourself or your pants zipped up."

"She's my wife, you sick maniac. I never force her into anything," Josh hissed as he grabbed the trembling Maria in his arms and dashed out of the room. He felt better now that he was not being watched, or was he? Was there another camera in the lounge? He frantically looked around him.

But Freddie continued, "Now why did you go out of the room, I was having so much fun seeing your horrified face. I should have set one up in the lounge, but most of the action seemed to have occurred in the bedroom, so I didn't miss much. Anyway, you would have known about the camera soon enough, the police must have unearthed all the CDs by now. Haven't they contacted you yet? Well, they are probably too busy amusing themselves as they watch every single one of them. There's a lot of sexy stuff to go through."

Josh sank on the sofa, lost for words, totally horrified, holding the trembling Maria on his lap.

"Now Josh, I did not like the way you sneaked out of the chalet, after all I only left to get some medications for your pretty wife. But there is always a next time and I will look forward to that. Please inform her that I will come back for her some day or another. She belongs to me, Josh, I saved her life and a part of me loves her too. You really should share with your brother."

"You are deeply disturbed and sick. Please seek medical help. This is pure madness. I will not press charges if you give yourself up and go through the necessary treatment."

But Freddie laughed and hung up.

Josh sprang into action, completely ignoring his wife's questions but still holding her tightly on his lap. His first call was to Marco who was still across the road. Josh asked him to come over as soon as possible. He then phoned Inspector Williams, the police detective in charge of the whole case.

"You are totally worthless. More than two weeks have passed and Freddie is still out there. I have just had a threatening phone call from him; you should have been tracking his bloody phone. And when were you going to tell me about the CDs? I will give you one hour to hand them over to me, every single one of them... I don't care if they are police evidence and are kept with all the security of the crown jewels. They belong to me and my wife. Now you know what kind of sick maniac we have to deal with... I told you I don't care. I want them _now_ and I will personally sue you if any one of them finds its way to the press. Can I make myself any clearer than that? ...Right, and when you do come you can also make yourself useful and find that damned camera."

Josh flung his phone on the coffee table. He gently placed the bewildered Maria on the sofa and went into their bedroom and grabbed some of her clothes. He gave them to her.

"You can change in the kids' bedroom. You are not to go in our bedroom because Freddie has been watching our every move." He could see the sheer horror spreading across her face.

"How long?" she asked with dread.

"From the very start, when we came back with the twins. I'm so sorry." Josh ran his fingers through his hair, hating himself more than ever. "I was never good for you and I knew that. I should have saved you back there in the park and then backed away from you. You would have patched it up with Rob, your safer option. Without me in the equation, Freddie would not have become so insanely obsessed and none of this madness would have occurred."

"Don't ever say that again. I love you and I would rather die a thousand times than opt out of my life with you. Please stop tormenting yourself." She was the comforter now as she tenderly kissed his tortured face. He was rapidly crumbling down and she tried desperately to keep him together. But he gently shoved her away and pushed her clothes in her hands.

"Go and change, Marco will be here in five minutes." He sat back on the sofa. He had to leave her for her own good, for her own survival, but not now. He couldn't abandon her when she was still traumatised after that demeaning ordeal. He'll take her back to England, build up her confidence again and settle her back with Rob, and then he'll disappear. Freddie would be satisfied by just splitting them apart. He closed his eyes...

........He was in their perfect English cottage, the same mythical place he had taken her to when he had made love to her for the first time. But it was time for their fairytale to end. He had to leave her and his children behind without any explanations or goodbyes. Maria will stretch her hand out to his side of their bed expecting to cuddle against him, like she always did in the early hours of the morning, but this time she will find their divorce papers lying on his pillow.

It was the only way to completely obliterate that cliff dream; he could not take any more chances with her life. He looked at her sleeping peacefully and his heart broke as he closed the door on her...

.......two years must have passed from that day he left. She had somehow managed to get an invitation to one of the Oscar ceremonies. He saw her tearful face amongst the sea of people as he gave his thanks to the producers. She was probably remembering the many times he had publicly declared his love for her on that very stage. But he did not do that this time; he just gave thanks to the people he didn't really care about. He left the crowded hall straight after his speech. He opened the car door and threw the newly acquired Oscar on the back seat. Then he felt her hand on his arm.

" _Why Josh?"_

He spun round, he was not prepared for this. She was still as beautiful as the first day he had seen her and he loved her just as much. In that moment of weakness he hugged and kissed her just like that first time in the library many years ago. She was Romeo's Juliet again.

But he abruptly backed away, "I'm sorry Maria, I should never have sucked you into my world. You have to move on. Give Rob his second chance. I don't love you anymore."

" _Please stop acting. Just tell me this, Josh, why do you still wear our wedding ring, you divorced me two years ago? Just take that dammed ring off if you don't love me. Your vows obviously meant nothing to you. You promised to love me till death do us part, remember?"_

" _Feelings change," he lied. He slid into his car and sped off. The last thing he saw as he looked in his rear view mirror was her sobbing form crouching in pain on the car park concrete floor..._

...The years rolled by, he was ninety years old, bitter, sick and very miserable. He was lying on this hospital bed and he knew that he would die soon, but he had to hang on until he saw his children for one last time. He had to beg for their forgiveness. He had left them without a father, something he had sworn he would never do. He had continued to excel in his acting career, winning a further five Oscars and he gave all his wealth to his family, but it was not money that they needed. He expected no mercy from Maria, she had moved on and married Rob, her first love, but he himself had never remarried and he had never taken his wedding ring off his finger. He had managed nothing more than discreet casual one-night affairs.

The young doctor came into his room.

" _Dr Smith, do you have any news from my children?" Josh asked him._

" _We did send out a couple of our best social workers, and your children are aware of your terminal condition and your last wishes, but, I'm very sorry Mr. Blake, they....." the doctor could not finish the sentence but Josh knew that like Maria, his children had not shown any mercy either._

But an hour later the door opened and a young Maria came in. He thought that he was hallucinating, but then he smiled. Sarah, his baby daughter must have found it in her heart to forgive him. She was the splitting image of her mother. He reached out his shrivelled hand, but...

" _Dad, how could you do this to mum...and to us? You don't know what it means to have Rob as a father, he despised us all, especially after he found out that he couldn't father any children with mum. We needed you, perhaps Ben more than any one of us, but all you cared about was winning more Oscars. You never understood this, Dad, we never cared about your money and we hated seeing you only on TV. It's too late now, we all hate you..._

...the young psychiatrist looked at the five-year-old Josh, "...Don't ever abandon your chances of happiness just to take that painful safest option for her..."

Josh came back to the lounge. Leaving her was the safest option for her, he would completely annihilate the cliff dream and Freddie would never bother her again. New paths would be forged for both of them, paths that he didn't ever want to take, paths that would be devastating for all his family. What he had just seen was too heartbreaking.

Perhaps he should attempt to tell her what her future would be like if she were to stay with him. Then she could mould her own destiny. She might decide to leave him herself and in that way his children might not hate him so much. It would still be unbearable to watch her rebuilding her life with Rob, but at least she would have a long life. But what if she chose to stay no matter what the dangers were, would he be able to live with himself when that early death eventually materialized?

But what if he managed to change destiny just as he had done in that park and in Murren? He had to carefully explore all his options. He had enough time to analyze the situation. But first he needed Marco to believe his story, help him find the island and set out the probabilities.

Josh answered the knock on the door. He led Marco into the library after leaving one of the private detectives downstairs with Maria. He briefed him on what had just happened. Then he came to the difficult part, "This may sound bizarre and totally insane to you, but I must ask you to hear me out. I can see snapshots of my future. They are nothing but haphazard random images and I often have to piece them together and fill in the missing gaps myself. I know that it is unbelievable but think of how else I could have known about Murren." Josh looked at Marco who nodded for him to go on.

"Well, I know that unfortunately Freddie will not get caught and he will strike again, not now but perhaps in two, three or four years' time. I have no way of knowing when, the ages of the kids vary from one dream to another indicating that if I disrupt one plan he'll resort to another at a later stage. I cannot pinpoint the exact date but the youngest Ben I've ever seen in my dreams was round about four years old. That gives us at least two years of preparation." He stopped. Marco had not laughed out loud and dismissed him as a total psycho yet.

"I have to assume that the most frequently occurring image is the most dangerous one." Josh was thinking about the cliff dream. "I can see this deserted island, probably privately owned. It is surrounded by deep blue sea and it is fairly large with a forest taking up half of the space. There is a small runway on one end of the forest indicating the frequent use of a small private jet. The other half of the island is bare and rocky, and ends with a large white building perched on top of a very steep cliff. There is a path starting halfway down the cliff and winding down to the sea. I am assuming that the building has some kind of underground secret passage leading to this path which can be used for a quick getaway should anyone want to escape the island in a hurry. This path seems to be accessible only via the white house and it is the only way down to the beach. It is very treacherous with steep edges falling away from it."

He paused, he had not lost Marco yet. Encouraged, he continued, "I want you to find this island and dig up anything you can find on whoever owns it. Perhaps we can manage a discreet visit and discuss our options on site. I don't feel the need for any surveillance right now. I think I might persuade my wife to move to the UK, away from this madness. She has always wanted the move...And I'm not on any drugs and as far as I know I am not totally insane either." Josh finished with a sarcastic laugh.

Marco was pensive for a while and Josh let him digest the information. "I'll find this island for you," he finally said. "I trust your judgement and respect you greatly. It must be pretty harrowing knowing the gruesome details of your future but you seem to be coping quite well. At least knowing gives you the power to change things."

"Not everything can be changed. Some things are just inevitable."

"Yes I suppose so, we did have very tight surveillance on your wife but she still managed to get herself kidnapped. I consider that to be a failure in my career and I'm sorry about it. Will you know when the time comes?"

"I think so." Josh was sure that the dreams would get more intense as the time approached, just as they did this time round.

"Great, so you'll hear from me as soon as I can locate this island. I can take some pictures of some cliffs with white buildings and you can tell me if they look familiar. Then we can take it from there."

"Thanks Marco." And they shook hands.

Josh slowly went down the stairs, deep in thought. Maria seemed to have composed herself quite well and she smiled up at her husband. She had put her fear to one side and assumed the position of carer as she realised that Josh needed more support than she did. He slumped down on the sofa beside her.

"What did you want Marco for? Do we have to have surveillance all the time?" she asked as she moved closer and stroked the frown on his face.

"I don't think we need surveillance for the time being. I've asked Marco to hunt down Freddie. He is quite good and he'll probably unearth him faster than the police. Maria, what do you think about moving to our cottage in Cambridge for good...permanently? The twins are getting older and you have always wanted an English education for them and I think now is the time to make a fresh start. We can go to Kemmuna for the rest of the summer, whenever you feel you are ready, and then start looking for a new life in England."

"What about your career, won't it be easier here?"

"I have two parts at the moment. Your brother's third book is conveniently set in England, so that should cover the first year. I can juggle with the other part afterwards. What do you think about that? Unless you would like to throw me out and never see my face again. If you do that Freddie will not bother you again. So you might want to seriously think about that option."

"Don't be stupid, living apart is not an option, at least not in my book. But England sounds fine as long as I'm with you and the kids."

So she had just opted to stay with him no matter what, but she still did not know all the gory details. She would probably have sprinted away if all the risks had been spread out on the table.

"You have taken this quite well, I see. Doesn't the fact that you have been watched for nearly four years freak you out? Everything we ever did in there has been recorded and seen not only by Freddie but also by a team of police inspectors." Josh studied her face.

"Well, you have always told me that you cannot change the past, so why worry about it. And I will not let the past ruin my future again. I want to forget the whole thing and move forward. That was what you and Dr Bell told me yesterday. And the CDs are part of the past that I can do nothing about, except try to bring them back and perhaps watch them myself," she laughed. "Anyway, I think I came to terms with the spying thing some time ago. It's just a different person doing it."

"I'm sorry about that. But one day you might understand why I had to set it up. I never did it with any malicious intent. But I don't want to go into that at the moment; I have other things on my mind. OK," he sighed, "so, England, here we come."

Josh continued to stare at the ceiling, his eyes like big black pools of misery, but his sorry thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Inspector Williams. He had a big box of CDs in his hand, "I can assure you that everything we found in Freddie's apartment is in here and it will remain in our strictest confidence. We have tracked Freddie's phone to a hotel in Munich where he left it after his call to you this morning. Unfortunately he has slipped away again. He must have access to funds because he leaves trails of expensive purchases behind him. And unfortunately money does buy you freedom of movement. We have interviewed his father who has been very cooperative. We have no reason to believe that he is behind the financial support, but we will continue to investigate and we will hopefully get to the bottom of this." His team then proceeded to unearth the hidden camera inside the bedroom.

"Wow, that's a massive collection," Maria said after Williams left. "Are they all of us...you know...?" She smiled as she took a CD out of the box. They were all religiously dated and timed.

Josh grinned, "As Freddie pointed out, we must do it a lot. And that is not counting the events in the library which would more than double the amount. At least whatever we did in that room has remained private. Williams and his team must have had a very entertaining day yesterday, the little pervs." Josh had to laugh.

Maria straddled his lap and started kissing him as she slipped his shirt off his shoulders.

Josh cleared his throat, "Dr Bell told me that it is far too early. She recommends a pause of at least three months and after that a gradual reintroduction. Anything sooner might send you into a colossal crisis."

"If you stop I shall certainly go into a crisis. And what does Dr Bell know, she has never had you, if she had she would not have suggested any limitations."

#  The Black Notebook

Josh was reading as he lay on the fine, golden sand. He felt the scorching Mediterranean sun beat down on his face and he took a deep breath and let the tranquillity of the place seep into his bones. He could smell the sweet fragrance of sun cream mixed with the salty sea air, the smell he always associated with carefree summer days, and he could hear his children squealing with pleasure as they splashed in the clear blue Mediterranean Sea. Maria sat beside him, humming nursery rhymes to his sleeping baby daughter. He put down his book and gazed at his wife and he felt that same rush of emotion he always felt whenever he looked at her. His love for her had never ebbed or wavered from that very first day he had seen her.

The Mediterranean climate seemed to have enhanced her beauty. Her soft olive skin was tanned to a rich brown colour and her long curls shone in the sun as they tumbled down her back. She had overcome her ordeal remarkably well. She had seen how much the experience had shattered her husband and, rather than see him in torment and self-blame, she had pulled herself together and focussed straight ahead. However, she was still very much conscious of her scars and would hesitate every time she undressed in front of him, but he did not mind the blemishes at all. He would softly kiss the raw, red, healing skin and reassure her that she was as beautiful as ever. Having her with him was all he would ever need.

"What are you looking at? Is it showing again?" Maria asked as she felt his stare and adjusted the back of her swimsuit which was not high enough to hide the unsightly scorch mark across her flank. Josh sat up and grasped her hand, halting her unnecessary concern.

"You are the goddess of this island. You were born to live here, the climate seems to have turned you into this irresistible deity, I just can't stop looking at you," Josh said. He played with a perfect curl falling down her back and tenderly kissed her bare shoulder. "And I just can't get enough of you either," he whispered seductively as he pushed her flat on the sand and buried his face in her neck.

The touch of his darting tongue made her shiver with pleasure. She giggled, "Josh, stop it. The kids can see us. We'll go really wild during their afternoon siesta, I promise."

"I will hold you to your promise." But he continued to tease her as he nibbled at her neck and played with her curls.

Ben came running up to them. He theatrically cleared his throat, "Daddy, grandpa is not pleased with you."

Josh stopped short. "Has he been talking to Phil?" he asked Maria. He was barely on speaking terms with his father and their relationship was as strained as ever now that Freddie was on the run. Phil was torn between his two sons, of course the bigger part of him belonged to his legitimate offspring and he spared only a tiny morsel of sympathy for Josh. But perhaps he didn't think he was switching sides if he spoke to his favourite grandson.

"Oh no, not that grandpa, but mummy's dad, you know, the one in the picture on Uncle Max's fireplace."

Josh let go of Maria's curls and sat up. He gently pulled his son on his lap, "So...you've been talking to him. How long has this been going on?" he asked in the gentlest voice he could muster despite his inner turmoil.

"Ever since mummy went missing. I saw her screaming when the man peeled her skin apart. I tried to help her and I pushed on the man really hard, but I was like a ghost and my hand passed right through him. I cried and cried but then grandpa came and he stayed with me until it was over. He told me not to worry because you would find a way to bring mummy back to us. I did not believe him at first. And when I woke up I didn't know what to do because you were away and Uncle Max thought that I was imagining things. I just cried all day. But grandpa was right all along. Everything he said would happen did happen, and you did bring mummy back. Now I know that he would never lie to me. He is my friend and I talk to him every night. He understands me and I'm not alone anymore."

Josh felt his heart sink with despair, Ben had seen his own mother being tortured. That amount of violence and blood would be enough to send anyone straight into a mental breakdown, what would it do to a child? Luckily, his dead psychiatrist father-in-law had been at hand to diffuse the gravity of the situation. But what else had Ben seen?

Josh glanced at Maria; her face was registering only profound confusion. There was no horror. She just thought that Ben had pieced her gruesome story himself and had somehow conjured up an imaginary friend who happened to be her father. Josh was about to take Ben inside and continue the conversation away from her, but then thought against it. Maria had to start understanding her weird son. He will have to slowly explain it all to her later. He had been procrastinating and leaning heavily towards disappearing without an explanation. But he couldn't do that, now that Ben was showing signs of the Blake curse. Perhaps her shrewd father had done this on purpose, getting Ben to spill the beans and indirectly coercing Josh into telling her the truth. That tall dark-haired man seemed to get his way every time. He was moulding destiny on earth even though he was buried six feet under.

Josh sighed and continued the bizarre conversation with his son.

"You're not alone; you can always talk to me. I'm sorry Ben, I did promise that we could talk privately every week but I did have to go for mummy. It's a good thing that grandpa was there when...it happened. He is a very kind man, isn't he? Are you scared of him?"

"I was at first, because I knew that he was dead and Emma told me that no one can see dead people except freaks. But I must be one because not only can I see him but hear him too. But I'm not afraid of him anymore because he is so kind to me and he takes me to see these wonderful places. The other day he took me to this place in Sicily called Cave Grande where there was this wonderful waterfall feeding into this lake in between gigantic mountains. He said that it was his favourite place on earth."

Maria gasped and Josh could see that she had tears in her eyes. She must have gone to that same place with her dad when she was a child. Josh gave her a hard stare, hoping that she would remain silent. This was a delicate situation and he did not want Ben to think that he was abnormal; the word freak had already featured in his conversation. The last thing the poor boy needed was scorn from his own mother. But Maria was thunderstruck and seemed too confused to offer any contribution to their crazy dialogue.

"That sounds like fun. I wish I could go there," Josh continued, all the time wondering how he was going to explain all this to his wife.

"I'm sorry daddy, but he can never take you there because you never hear him talk. He can easily speak to me whereas he has to constantly invade your dreams with different pictures, and lately you've been ignoring him." Ben shook his head with disapproval. "Daddy, how many times does he have to show you his black diary?" the little boy admonished. "So yesterday he told me to speed things up. Oops, he told me not to tell you anything in front of mummy because she would not understand." Ben quickly looked at his mother and hid his eyes with his hands.

Josh laughed and pulled his tiny hands down, "That's not true. You had every intention of letting your mother overhear the conversation. Did grandpa plan this little act with you?"

Ben giggled and shrugged, "I just don't want you to leave us. Rob will be very unkind to us. Grandpa said that if mummy knew the truth, she would not let you leave and you always do whatever she says. I was too late to stop that man from hurting mummy but I'll do what it takes to stop you from going. From now on I will change every little thing that I don't like. Will you look for the black diary and explain things to her before you go?" Ben asked anxiously as he eagerly waited for a reassurance from his father.

This was one shocking revelation after another. His son had first seen his mother being tortured and raped and then saw his father abandoning them all. Josh could have no secrets from him. He had just been outsmarted by a little boy and a scheming dead father-in-law. He had to smile.

"I'll do what grandpa says and I'll find the diary. I will not go without explaining, I promise." Josh watched his son happily dive into the sea as he deliberately splashed water all over his sister. He did not seem stressed out like he himself had been when he was his age. Ben was just worried about his father leaving, but once reassured, he reverted back to his usual happy confident self, laughing and playing with his sane sister and brother. Perhaps the mere knowledge that his father possessed the same weird genes would make him feel more normal.

"You should not encourage him to live in this fantasy world with imaginary friends," Maria reproached her husband when Ben was out of earshot. "It's not normal. It's not healthy."

"It's not fantasy, and please do not let him hear you talk that way. You should never look shocked when he tells you these things. You will crush his confidence. You heard what he said, he is already thinking that he is a freak. The last thing he needs is his mother calling him one."

"Well, I have to have a word with him and explain things since it is obvious that you will do nothing about it. You are his father and you should correct him if he is wrong and not fuel these absurd stories. You have to be cruel to be kind. I really think that you should back me on this. The things he said are not normal," Maria insisted again.

"Will you stop saying that? You don't understand, you don't know what is normal." He was angry now; not being normal was the root of all his childhood insecurities.

"Come on, you don't expect me to believe that my dad is speaking to my son and husband in their dreams. Oh sorry I forgot, he doesn't speak to you but shows you a series of pictures, he only holds detailed conversations with my son. That is really ridiculous."

"How else could he have known about Cave Grande?"

"He might easily have read it in a book; he is reading adult books now. He must also have read something on paranormal stuff and so he thought of my father. His weird detailed description of what Freddie did to me really creeped me out. He could only have got that from some horror book. His imagination must have combined with what he overheard. Two-year-olds are not meant to be reading adult stuff. I have to restrict the books he chooses because their content might not be appropriate for his age."

"Do you ever wonder why I seem to predict things every time? I knew that you would get yourself into trouble and hence I hired Marco. I knew about Murren and I flew there and planned everything to the last detail. I knew that my hands would be tied with a rope and that we would be imprisoned in this cellar so I took gadgets to help me counteract these problems. I even knew that you would be bleeding heavily and arranged for a medical team to commence their treatment immediately."

"That was surely all speculation; I could easily have done that myself. I really don't want to discuss this any further, it's weird and creepy and the bottom line is that I don't want my son stuffing his head with such nonsense. Please drop it. I'll have a word with him myself. You don't have to get involved if you don't want to."

"Can you just listen to me for once in your life?" Josh raised his voice in anger and punched the sand with his fist. He saw her eyes widen with shock and he softened up, "Listen, you don't have to believe any of this, but please never tell our son that it is not normal. Stay out of it. Let him be and I will handle it all myself."

He got up and was about to stomp away but then he turned again. "I need to have a look at your father's books and diaries." He saw her frown at him as she prepared her rebuke. But he interjected swiftly and curtly. "I don't want to hear your opinion on it. You always make things so much more difficult for me and I am the one who has to sort out the mess you create every time. I can tell you that it's taking a lot out of me. Trust me for once. I don't have to remind you of what happened the last time you disregarded my warnings." He looked at her coldly as his eyes slowly travelled down to her hidden scars.

Her face twisted in agony at his reminder and her hand flew over her mutilated abdomen. She could see that he was very emotional and angry. She was frightened by his cold stare because he hardly ever lost his temper with her. She looked down and mumbled humbly, "Max has all of dad's things in his basement. I never kept anything; it was too painful a reminder. We can go and have a look now if you like. Max won't mind."

Josh took a deep breath, "I'm sorry Maria, I really did not want to snap. I did tell you once that I wanted all my kids to have sane minds like yours, but you thought it brilliant that our son has this photographic memory thing. There is more to it than that. Sometimes it can be extremely painful and I want to help Ben through those painful moments. I think it is time to tell you all about my greatest secret, something I did not fully understand until quite recently. There is a reason why I did certain things that have hurt you so much, such as the surveillance camera and the contraceptive pill. Perhaps you would believe me if you read what your father wanted to say to me in his black diary."

He picked his baby daughter up and headed straight back to her brother's house. He handed the sleeping Sarah to Julie who was waiting for their return in the lounge, and then he went straight up to their bedroom. He leaned his head against the window, hoping that the cool glass would erase his painful throbbing headache. He was not ready for this, but he could no longer hide things from her, for his son's sake. This was his last secret. He would explain everything to her and then wait for her decision. He watched her as she walked slowly towards the house, holding Ben's tiny hand, her face grave. Then she looked up and their eyes met. She smiled.

She came up to their room some fifteen minutes later, holding the key to the basement. "The kids are having their dinner, let's go and see what my dad wants you to know. You can explain it to me very slowly and I promise I will listen even though this is very confusing to me. I love Ben and I will never consciously hurt him anymore than I want to hurt you. Please forgive my comments, they were said in ignorance and fear."

He slowly turned round to face her and nodded, "Let's get this over and done with."

They had no trouble locating the box full of her father's old books and belongings. It was Maria who first spotted an old black diary. It was labelled Josh Blake. She gave it to him without a word. Josh opened it and saw that it contained entries and details of his trips to the psychiatrist as a child. An envelope slipped out of the notebook. It was sealed and addressed to him. He tore it open and started reading.

My dear Josh,

If you are reading this, it means that you have rescued my daughter from an early death. I thank you profoundly for this. If on the other hand you are not Josh, then please forgive these ruminations of an insane man who thinks that he had a glimpse into his future.

Eight months ago my wife told me that she was pregnant with our second child. I was suddenly plagued by the inexplicable images of a young woman brutally raped and killed in a deserted park. However hard I tried I could never shake off that strong premonition. These images always fragmented to show me a five-year-old boy reading challenging books and secretly writing his name on them, and I knew that I had to look for a gifted five-year-old Josh Blake in the States.

I was prepared to cross the globe in search of this one boy, the key to my daughter's survival. My wife trusted my judgement and we packed our bags and left Sicily without a second thought. It was easy finding you. You were always top of your class but you were also so sad and alone, not really fitting in, with no one to understand you. I persuaded your nanny that I might help you with finding your true potential. She recognised your impressive memory skills but did not see beyond them, no one ever does. They only see good grades and achievements but never the heartache and burden the sixth sense brings with it.

A part of me still hoped that my dreams about my daughter's untimely death were just common fears that any father would have for one's children, but then you experienced those same dreams and many more when you met my pregnant wife. We have discussed your dreams and we have tried to make sense out of the jumbled disjointed pieces, but I know that time was not a luxury we had at our disposal.

Our sessions have come to an end. My wife wants to move back to Europe. Perhaps if we leave the States and start a new life elsewhere, my daughter will never have to go to that park, but then I will know that she will miss out on a great and happy future with you. I know that my departure has destroyed what I tried to build these past few months, your self-esteem. But Josh, please believe this, people will love you for your honest transparent character and for nothing else, not for your wealth, fame or polished exterior. Having been neglected by your parents does not mean that you are not worth loving. You have to remember this sometime in the future when you will desperately need to hold on to it.

The theory that I have to offer is this; there are fixed paths in our future. This is destiny. The ability to sense it is present in everyone, hence the presence of unexplained premonitions like my brief glimpse into my daughter's fate. Most would brush it aside and they would happily race down the path that was paved out by destiny. Others, like myself, will try to make sense out of the little information they have.

And then there are the select few, like yourself, who can see it clearly and in large enough chunks so as to make proper sense out of it. But that knowledge can be devastating. The good moments lose their element of surprise, that ingredient that makes them so special. And the bad ones haunt your existence preventing you from living your life to the fullest. Those are the burdens that you will have to carry.

But not all is doom and gloom. Your path will never be fixed in stone because you have the ability to tweak it if not change it, and in so doing you open different opportunities for yourself and influence those of the people around you. You can choose to ignore my plea to go to the park and my daughter will go down her own fixed path, her own destiny, and the morgue dream will materialize. On the other hand once you help my daughter in that park, your futures will become entwined and there is no going back. Anything that happens after that will be part of that new path you have created and you should not blame yourself for it. Without the bad bits there cannot be the beautiful moments that I know are so special in your life.

Changing those terrifying bits would again depend on sheer willpower but if anyone can do it, it would be you. You will have to fight destiny time and time again. I know that you can open new possibilities when everything else seems hopeless. Believe in your abilities. Leaving is never the right option; it will destroy all of you. What you think would be the safest path could be the most destructive.

And this is the purpose of this note. If opened at the right opportune moment it will help you make the right choices and not go down paths which I think were never meant to be trodden on.

But the world is your oyster and whatever you decide to do, I send my sincere wishes for your happiness.

Paulo Conti.

PS. You will never be my worst nightmare. I could not have wished for a better person to accompany my only daughter through her path in life.

# Impossible Decisions

Josh stared at the letter. So the kind psychiatrist had sought out the five-year-old Josh for a reason, it had not been a mere coincidence. Apparently he had predicted his daughter's grim fate but the most he could do was to seek out someone who could change it. And he had done what any loving father would have done, instantly give up his comfortable life in Sicily and travel across the globe in search of that one person. In a way he had managed to tweak destiny himself because Josh was positive that if the psychiatrist had not intervened and everything had been left to take its natural course, his path would never have crossed Maria's.

For a start, the park and morgue dreams had only haunted him after he had met the doctor, and he had seen those first scenes in their raw unchanged form. The psychiatrist had desperately urged him to concentrate hard to alter the park dream and so annihilate the subsequent morgue dream. He had almost bullied him into opening alternative routes for the girl. Josh had focussed hard all night with good effect, and from that point on fresh dreams from the newly created path started to emerge. She was no longer lifeless and lying on a cold morgue table, but alive and happy, sharing her life with him. Her father wanted and approved of her new future despite all the dangers that would sprout up further along the way. He had never wanted Josh to leave his daughter even after he had saved her life in the park. He had even encouraged the deception with the oral contraceptives.

Maria was staring at him, expecting him to say something, but no words sprang to mind. How could he possibly explain all this? He gave her the letter and turned his back on her, intently looking out of the small window. He watched the waves gently breaking into white foam as they hit the coastline and he waited patiently for her to digest the contents of the letter.

"Ok," she finally said. "It seems as though you have this sixth sense which comes part and parcel with your photographic memory."

"And apparently your father had it too in its rudimentary form. Just like Ben, who I think is better than either one of us as he had the ability to pick out the best genes for this freak show." He still had his back to her and he continued to study the waves crashing on the coastline.

"Hey, don't say that. Please forgive my previous comments, I didn't know that this could actually happen and I still don't understand it. But at least I know that I am on the path my dad had wanted me to follow."

"With a little bit of manipulation from me. I sometimes wonder if you would have married me at all if you hadn't been pregnant with the twins...."

"Josh, like my father said, you have to start believing that there are people in this world who love you for who you are." And she circled her arms around his waist and rested her head against his back. But he still did not look convinced. Constantly reassuring him often wore her down and left her feeling frustrated, so she shrugged and gave up like she often did. "Tell me everything. Start from the beginning."

He turned round to face her, "During your father's six-month stay in the States I started to have vivid dreams with you in them and they gave a pretty good outline of how my life would be with you in it. But I was a five-year-old boy and when your father moved away I locked everything up as if that period in my life had never existed. The first time I saw you on the escalator in that bookshop I had this overwhelming sensation that you were that vital missing part of my life and that I would be very happy with you. But I did not know if you were someone from my past life, if I ever had one, or my future. I had not learnt to decipher my feelings. Perhaps I had suppressed them too much as a child. I had always been able to sense the future but I thought I could only achieve that because I was so observant and I had tried to dismiss any thoughts that I was even capable of such things." He paused.

"Maria, do you remember I told you that I went to the park because I had dreamt about this man who I strongly believed to be my father? Well, I did not know at the time, but the man was actually _your_ father who had been invading my dreams to beg me to go to that park. Of course I had not recognised him as the psychiatrist because he looked much older, and secondly, I had firmly locked up that period of my life. I waited there for two days expecting to meet him, but then you came along. I recognised you as the girl in the bookstore but I did not make the connection between the man in my dreams and you until I saw his photo in your hallway."

"That was why you looked so shattered the day you came to my apartment, you had just realised that you had been seeing a dead man in your dreams."

He nodded. "When the thugs shoved you into my arms that day in the park, that weird feeling of familiarity got stronger. I wanted to get to the bottom of things and I persuaded you to spend more time with me. All throughout those first two weeks I kept having dreams, all with you in them, some good, others terrifying. Sometimes I could see our children in them too. I thought that I was a complete nutter and I dismissed everything as the product of an overactive imagination. But as I got to know you I was positively sure about one thing; that I could not bear to have a future without you. I could see two options for me; one was to let you go back to Rob and I would continue with my meaningless and empty life, or I could fight to win your affection. I did feel that the second option would be dangerous for you but I still chose to fight."

Maria laughed, "That was a very easy battle for you to win because Rob was never an option for me from that point on. You were not the only one who felt that click, I felt it too."

"Now do you understand why I had to put a camera in your apartment? Some of the dreams were scaring me at the time. I never had any intentions to use it for anything but to know that you were safe. I did not want to invade your privacy."

"So everything is plain sailing now, you can just change anything you don't like."

Josh laughed dryly. "It's not that simple. I don't see everything, just tiny snippets, and I haven't managed to change things every time. I did meddle with destiny in the park and I think I did something to help you in Murren but other than that I have had little success. For instance, I had always seen you getting married heavily pregnant. I wanted to change that. I didn't sleep with you for a whole year and that was very difficult, believe me, especially with you being so keen, and I proposed countless of times but you never took the hint. In the end being away from you was tearing me apart and I had to embrace destiny. You were so angry with me for planning the whole contraceptive affair that I genuinely thought that I had blown away all my chances of being with you just because I did what my dreams were telling me to do, what your father was telling me to do. But you did eventually forgive me and we did get married. And that was one dream I never managed to tweak."

"Did you see the whole Freddie thing beforehand?" she asked slowly.

"Yes, the terrifying dreams returned with a bang that day you kicked me out for spying on you. I had my suspicions that it could be Freddie....or Rob because, as you might have noticed, they are very similar physically and the image of the hooded man I had seen reminded me too much of them. But you would never have believed me...and I didn't believe it myself either. I never thought that Freddie would have it in him to do the things I saw and I knew that Rob was tucked away somewhere in England, you had told me that, so I genuinely thought that it was a crazy fan who happened to look like them. So I hired Marco and I tried everything in my power to prevent the dreams from turning into reality. But I couldn't block the kidnapping however hard I tried."

"Gosh, did you really see Freddie..." she clasped her mouth in horror.

"Yes I did, I saw everything, down to the last detail, the brutal cutting of skin and all, and the worst thing is that I could not prevent it."

She clung to him, "That is absolutely horrible. Do you think Ben will have to go through seeing the future with all its scary bits?"

"Unfortunately yes. You did hear him say that he saw you getting tortured. I don't know what else he saw. I have to sit down with him and have a good chat. I should have talked to him about it beforehand, I should have known, but I had other things on my mind at the time. It must have really scared him. Can you let me handle Ben? You might not always understand what he is going through. You do realise that this is a very delicate matter; I don't want Ben to think that he is any different from anyone else, he will have more than enough to cope with as it is."

"I understand, I'll leave Ben in your hands. OK so that's the past, but what about the future? Is Freddie still a threat?"

He suddenly lost all his confidence. He gently pushed her away and turned round to continue staring at the sea.

"I want to know and I want to be prepared. Please, I don't want any more secrets between us," she insisted.

"Ignorance is bliss, Maria. It would be kinder on you if I were to let you live your life in darkness. Otherwise you will be under the constant menacing shadow of what might happen. I have learnt to live with that fear but it's all new to you."

"I have a right to know."

Josh leaned his head against the window and sighed. There was no going back now, he had to tell her. "Freddie will have no reason to haunt your life if we are not together. He will know that I am in the depths of hell and he will be satisfied. At this point I can see us living two distinct lives. You will enjoy longevity and... And Rob will make you very happy. The kids will continue to live with you and your new husband. But we can never meet, not even in secret because Freddie will somehow get to know. Maria, we will eventually have to say our final goodbyes, perhaps in a year or so." He turned round, facing her, studying her tiny hidden reactions.

She gave him an incredulous look, "You're lying, I know that Rob will never make me happy. Josh, listen to me, breaking up is not an option. Don't even go there. I would rather have a short life with you than a long miserable life without you. Go on, what happens if we stay together?"

"This is not a decision to take in seconds. Perhaps I don't want to take that risk with your life. I have already thought about leaving once you are all settled back in England but I don't want you or the kids to hate me. You must eventually explain everything to them and tell them why I had to leave." He wiped a stray tear. "Perhaps they would visit my deathbed if you were to explain. I don't want to die alone."

She burst out crying hysterically as she pummelled his chest, "You can't do that to me or the children. Is this what you and Ben were discussing earlier? I will not allow you to leave. Leaving is never the right option, that is what my dad said. You can change whatever you think will happen next. You already did that twice. Please promise me Josh... You...you have to listen to me and do what I say. I'll never ever forgive you if you leave." She had lost all reason, she was mentally deranged at the very thought of breaking up. Her desperate sobs were demolishing all his resolves. Ben had foreseen this. Josh could never go against her wishes and she was always bullying him into doing whatever she thought was right. He will have to stay and sort out the mess later like he always did.

"Don't cry. I hate it when you cry. Hey Maria stop," he said as he cupped her face in his hands and tried to calm her hysterics, "All right I'll stay....but if I do.....Freddie will try to break us apart again. Please stop crying." He held her shaking body close to him and he buried his face in her hair. Her soft wild curls caressed his two-day stubble and that delicately teasing sensation sucked him into that other dimension....

....He was burying his face in her soft curls as he hugged her mangled body. His heartrending sobs echoed around the treacherous cliffs. The sheer drop had claimed her life. It was the price he had to pay for defying destiny...but the picture started to melt away...

Maria was no longer limp and lifeless. She was running close behind him as they raced down the path towards the white immaculate house perched on top of the steep cliff. They barged through the open front door and ran down the maze of white corridors, following the sound of the boy's screams of utter pain.

" _Daddy, help me, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy please..."_

Josh banged on the solid wooden door. "Ben, daddy's here. Freddie, open the damned door. He is just a boy. Please Freddie, let him go." He kicked furiously on the door but it took a full ten minutes for the sturdy lock to finally give way, and by that time the desperate screams had withered down to a mute eerie silence.

Freddie lay motionless in a pool of blood. A carving knife pierced his heart. His deep blue eyes stared vacantly at the whitewashed ceiling and a smile smeared his frozen lips. He had gone to hell satisfied that he had managed to fulfil his one aim before driving the knife he had used on the boy through his own heart. Freddie never wanted to kill his brother, he wanted him to live and know that he had outlived his son. Josh would now forever live in despair and misery.

Josh skipped over the corpse and ran towards the bloody mess at the far side of the spacious room. Ben was nailed to the floorboards, the skin over his face and chest had been flayed away exposing the raw bleeding muscles beneath. The boy opened his eyes, their eerie white glaze contrasting heavily with the crimson red. He whimpered and then exhaled his last breath.

Maria fell on her knees, screaming frantically. "Why did you choose this for our son? Why did you disrupt the exchange? Why did you hold me back? I hate you Josh. I'll always hate you for this."

But her husband took her in his arms, trying to restrain her mad frenzy. "Forgive me Maria. I thought that I would make it on time. I didn't want to choose between you two. I wanted you both with me. Oh God, oh God...oh God...please forgive me," he screamed up to the heavens...

Maria was wiping his streaming tears, her eyes wild with fear. "Josh, what have you seen? Please tell me the truth."

He moved away from her and sat down heavily on a wooden box. He wiped his wet cheeks with his sleeve and cleared the lump in his throat. "If we stay together Freddie will return to seek his revenge and this time he will take Ben hostage and then he will ask for an exchange...he will give Ben back to me only if you willingly go to him."

Josh stopped as he remembered the dream featuring the exchange on the private airport runway. He had dreamt about it from the very start but had never seen the alternate parallel path where the exchange was abandoned thereby leading to Ben's inevitable death. And that was because Maria would willingly give up her life for her son and the natural course of events would sway towards the swap. Only Josh could swing it the other way by stripping off her free will and physically blocking her way. But did he really want to do that to his son?

Leaving would obliterate both dreams. He will not have to choose between his wife and son. Leaving was the safest option but he could never do it unless she wanted it too. He needed her blessing. He looked deep into her eyes and pleaded, "Maria, if we insist on staying together...then it's either your life or Ben's. I cannot see you both surviving simultaneously. Please don't make me choose between you two. Surely you still do not want to go through with this madness just to spend a few more years with me?"

"Yes, I do. Josh, understand this...I will _never_ give you my blessing to leave."

#  The Lull before the Storm

The white room was encroaching on her, suffocating her, infiltrating her very existence. It had been her prison, her personal hell for the past ten years. She wanted to let go and drift away but that tiny hope that she might one day see her loved ones again gave her the strength to breathe. She looked at the tattered photo of the family she once had, the husband she still loved. That photo was her only reminder of that distant happy past and tears rolled down her cheeks as she lovingly ran a finger across it, the raw pain still savagely gnawing her insides after all those years.

She heard the key turning the lock and she quickly hid her most treasured possession under the mattress before sitting on the edge of her white bed. Freddie and his nine-year-old son entered the room. The blue-eyed boy bounded onto his mother's lap and kissed her. She fiercely hugged him and caressed his heavy, straight, fair hair which was as gorgeous and flowing as his own father's. But the active boy quickly got tired of her restraining arms. He was bursting with energy and he impatiently wriggled out of her lap.

" _Daddy, I've said hello to mummy, now I want to play outside. I hate being locked in this room."_

" _You can go Alfredo, but stay away from the cliffs. Come back in an hour and we'll have dinner with mummy."_

And the mischievous little devil bolted straight out of the room. Freddie smiled and sauntered towards the white bed. He took Maria's hand and she obediently stood up. He bent down and kissed her as he played with her soft curls tumbling down her back. Her eyes were broken with sorrow but she stretched up on her toes and passionately returned his kiss, curving her body around his... Then the dream fragmented and changed...

_...She was clinging onto a ledge of a cliff. Josh was close but not close enough. He knew that the fragile ledge would not support their combined weight. He begged her to move before everything crumbled,_ _"I love you Maria, you have to take a deep breath and calm down. Try to move to your right. Do it for me please," he pleaded._

But she did not have the strength or the will to move.

_The ghostlike tall dark-haired man was standing at the very edge of the cliff, his long dark coat billowing out in the wind. He was looking at Josh, trusting him, expecting him to do the impossible...again._

_But the cliff face began to crumble and her screams filled that dimension..._

For the past two years Josh had been mentally preparing himself for the return of the dreams. But no amount of preparation could ever abolish that familiar sick feeling. He felt disoriented. His emotions had been left behind on that haunting cliffside. He frantically looked around the hotel room and focussed hard on his sleeping wife beside him until he finally transferred himself back to reality.

The return of the dreams could only mean that Freddie had made a definite decision to strike. How much should he tell her?

He glanced at his watch and saw that it was still four in the morning. It would be pointless to disturb her at this hour or even on the last day of their vacation. They had just spent a perfect one-month family holiday touring Europe; their last stop being Disneyland Paris. And Josh wanted to keep the holiday just like that, perfect, with nothing marring it. He will keep this secret for one more day. After all, this might be the last holiday they would ever have all together. They would need these happy memories during the bitter times that were about to follow. His heart twisted in agony. They had once more reached the bottom of the revolving wheel of life and he could literally feel the weight crushing him down. He needed to think. He stealthily slipped out of bed and went out on the balcony.

It was a crisp July morning and everything out there was calm and serene, contrasting sharply with the hammering of his heart and the turmoil inside his head. Two years had passed since their ordeal and Josh had never managed to persuade Maria to break up. And so her other secure and long future with Rob had just disintegrated into thin air. Instead, they had all moved to the UK in their perfect fairytale country cottage. He had bought that cottage a lifetime ago and he had bought it for them to enjoy forever...that elusive word forever.....when will they ever have their forever or were they destined to eternally live this life, this heartbreaking life?

Maria had tried to get to terms with her knowledge of her future. She had firmly insisted on one point; if she were given a choice to save her life or Ben's, she would save her son a thousand times over even if it meant that she would live in endless torture for the rest of her life. So it seemed as though that path was already paved and Ben's inhumane torture would never come to pass unless Josh chose to ignore her wishes and physically hinder the exchange. She gradually learnt to store her troubles at the back of her mind so that she was able to spend a very happy two-year period with her family.

Josh, on the other hand, had tried to glean all the information out of those early dreams. This would be vital if he were to make a difference to the outcome. Marco had shown him thousands of photos of islands but it was only in the last four months that Josh managed to identify the place. It was one of the tiny privately-owned islands in the tropics. Discreet investigations revealed that the place was deserted and, together with Marco, he had managed to secretly visit the cliffs. Josh never reported this to the police. For a start they would not be willing to man the island for an indefinite period of time, and even if they did, Josh did not want Freddie to spot them and change venue in the final moments because finding him again might take a further two years. At least, for the time being, he had the powerful weapons of foresight and surprise on his side and he wanted to keep it that way. He did not tell Maria anything about his ongoing investigations because he did not want to shatter her happiness. He was pleased to see her getting on with her life with her characteristic happy outlook.

Ben was doing remarkably well at school and, much to the twins' annoyance, he was moved up three classes. He constantly amazed all who taught him and he had no inclination to downplay his bright mind as his father had done when he was his age. He was confident and happy. Loving and caring parents had made all the difference and Ben had none of the insecurities that Josh had had as a child. Maria also accepted the unpalatable fact that her son was able to peep into the future. She managed to hide her fear and shock, and posed careful nonchalant questions about his conversations with her father. Apparently Ben still occasionally chatted with his granddad but it was less frequent now.

Josh thought about that day's dream. Two parallel paths would emerge after the swap. In the first scenario Josh would do nothing and Maria would apparently continue to live on the island as Freddie's prisoner and she would eventually have his child. He thought about the nine-year-old son that his wife and Freddie might share. Would she love him as much as their own children? He remembered the way she had hugged her son...yes, she would love the boy. He remembered her agonised face as she looked at the family photo and he knew that she would never love Freddie the way she loved him, but the way she had kissed and wrapped herself around his body meant that she would eventually lust for him. Josh knew that no female was ever able to resist Freddie's powerful sexual magnetism.

So choosing that path meant that Josh would never see her again, but he would know that she was alive...perhaps unhappy, but definitely carnally satisfied and alive.

In the other parallel path he would try to get her out of the island but the consequences were harsh unless he changed something. A rescue mission was nothing but a big gamble on her life. The options were grim. What would anyone do? Sentence his wife to a life of misery but at least she had a life, or sentence her to possible death? Maria had already chosen her path, she opted for the swap; it was now his turn to choose.

He could give her all the options and see what she wanted, a life with Freddie or death, but the ultimate decision would be his. He sighed, he would not tell her anything that day. He would keep a close look on Ben because he knew that the nightmare would start with the boy's disappearance. He had to try to prevent that. In the meantime he had to phone Marco. He dialled his number and informed him that the ball had started to roll. He asked him to have everything they had discussed ready and to await his phone call the following night after he had had his discussion with his wife.

He went back inside. Everyone was fast asleep. He decided to go back to bed so as not to arouse any suspicions. Maria was bound to question his early morning departure from their bed. He had had no dreams for the past two years and it was only the burning images of those nightmares that had the power to make him leave her warm bed so early in the morning. He could no longer blame the food he ate, she would see through that. So he slipped in between the sheets. His chilled body woke her up.

"Have you been outside? Are you all right?" she asked sleepily.

"Yes, everything is fine. Go back to sleep," he said. She cuddled up against him, the warmth of her body rapidly diffusing over to him. He had not realised that he had spent so much time out there on the balcony. Thankfully, she was too dazed with sleep to suspect anything. Her cuddles gradually turned more demanding and Josh happily obliged.

****

Josh firmly held Ben's hand all throughout that morning. He outmanoeuvred Maria every time so that he always sat next to him on all the Disney rides. Father and son were practically glued together. But he managed to keep her unsuspecting thanks to the cheerful mask he put on that morning. None of his inner anguish surfaced and the day slowly dragged on.

"Who wants some ice cream?" Maria said brightly. "Josh, find a table and I'll get in the queue." As she turned her back Josh allowed his face to shed off that fake smile. His facial muscles ached. He rubbed his jaw and looked around the crowded and claustrophobic ice cream parlour and he tightened his grip around Ben's tiny hand. His other three children were playing together a few paces away from him. He leaned his back against the wall and sighed sadly.

"Daddy, can I go and play with the others?"

"Not today Ben," Josh replied. He was exhausted with trying to keep up his constant second by second surveillance of both Maria and Ben as well as keeping a watchful eye on his other children; Nick was a tiny daredevil and was prone to get himself and others into deep trouble in mere seconds.

"Is it because Freddie will soon try to kill me?" Ben asked innocently.

Josh tried to guard his shocked expression, but not even his many years of acting could mask the absolute horror in his eyes. He sank down on one knee, speaking in a low hushed quivering voice, "What do you know about that?"

"I can't understand why Freddie is doing this. I remember him. He was always at Grandpa Phil's house whenever we used to visit. He was polite, kind and extremely funny too. Emma said that he is a very clever doctor. She said that mummy was going to die the day I was born but he saved her life...and mine. He must be a good person. So why is he trying to kill me now?"

"Listen to me Ben. Freddie was a good person once but he turned nasty some time ago. You are not to go anywhere with him. Promise me."

"Is he the hooded man who hurt mummy?"

"Yes."

"Daddy, last night I saw myself locked inside this white room. Freddie was very angry. He began to peel back my skin with a knife. He kept calling me 'Josh,' and I tried to tell him that Josh was my father and that I was Ben, but he was so mad, he would not listen to a word I was saying. But then the dream suddenly changed and mummy was locked inside that same room instead of me. I was at home with Nick playing football, but you were very, very sad."

"Listen Ben, I know for a fact that Freddie will not hurt you because mummy will not allow it to happen...."

"I know...but you can stop her from coming. You were thinking about it. And perhaps you should do that. I don't want her to die instead of me."

Gosh, he had only entertained that option for a fleeting second and his son had seen an image of himself being tortured. He had read through his thoughts. He rubbed his face with his hands before looking into his son's eyes, "Ben, I will _never_ stop her. Mummy will happily take your place and yes she will be imprisoned in that white room but I will do my best to bring her back as quickly as possible. Grandpa will help me find a way. Can you...can you ask him tonight whether I should go for her or not?"

"I don't think he knows what's going to happen. He said that nothing is fixed in stone now because there are thousands of tiny different paths you could choose. And every tiny shift brings about large changes and whole new outcomes. The possibilities are endless. From my end, the only thing I can do is to try to stop myself from falling into Freddie's trap, but he is prepared to wait and this could drag on for years. I may block his plans one day but he'll try the next. I have to stay constantly alert to thwart his intentions every time...and I don't know if I can do that or if I'll even be able to predict his moves every time. I'm sorry daddy."

"It's not your fault. I can't predict everything either. I just see fragments of what might happen and try to fill the gaps myself." Josh saw his wife make her way towards them and he quickly added, "We will keep this our secret for now. You are not to tell mummy because she will be miserable on her holiday. It is just for today, OK. I will tell her everything tomorrow. In the meantime you should enjoy yourself here and you should not feel scared. Everything will be fine." He quickly stood up and smiled broadly at his wife. His acting mode was back on.

"Come on everyone, ice cream time. Josh, what have you been doing, didn't you find a table yet?" Maria frowned.

"There weren't any, let's go outside," and he turned to call his other three children, but, "Nick, where's Emma?" His blood ran cold; he had been so preoccupied with Ben that he had not noticed that his daughter was no longer playing with the others.

"She went to tell mummy that she wanted vanilla ice cream and not chocolate," Nick explained. Maria shook her head; her daughter had not approached her whilst she was waiting in the queue. Josh took Ben's hand and frantically went round the crowded ice cream parlour. He finally spotted her just outside the door at the other end. He ran up to her.

"Where have you been? You are not to go wandering about on your own, how many times do I have to tell you? You will not get any ice cream if you do that again," he scolded her roughly, his voice going up a notch higher than was necessary. Tears started welling up in her eyes because she was upset by his anger, he was hardly ever mad at his children and he always tried to reason with them in a calm adult way whenever they had been naughty. But Josh was feeling stressed out that day so he roughly grabbed her hand and made his way back to Maria who had finally found a table. He watched them eat their ice cream as they talked excitedly about the different rides they had been on. Ben joined in with enthusiasm, his previous concerns forgotten.

"Is everything all right? You've turned all silent," Maria observed.

Josh flashed that plastic fake smile again. It was so easy to put on an act in front of her; she was always dazzled by his smile. That potent physical attraction had not waned after nearly six years of marriage. He made an effort to join in the conversation though his mind was elsewhere. All he wanted was to sink in bed and have one of his dreams, he needed all the information he could get out of them before he presented all the options to her the next day.

*****

The medics were swarming around the bloody mangled body on the beach, desperately trying to revive it. The sun was shining brightly and the cloudless sky was a deep blue vivid colour, and yet this scene was surrounded by a black mist giving the people inside this bubble an eerie, unearthly and hazy appearance. It all seemed to be happening far far away....

Josh opened his eyes. Was that the body of his wife and what was that black mist surrounding the resuscitation scene? Was it death descending down on its victim? Will the medics manage to resuscitate her should the cliff face crumble? Did he have a right to gamble on her life and mount a rescue mission which might lead to her death? The questions and stinging doubts were suffocating him. The room felt humid and hot, and sweat was trickling down his forehead. He carefully shifted Maria's sleeping head from his shoulder and stepped out onto the balcony, the cool night air reviving his flagging spirits. He sighed as he sank down on the rocking chair.

The balcony door opened slowly and Ben stepped out, "Grandpa told you that you must do whatever mummy wants you to do. You can open new paths for all of us."

This was exactly what he had expected her father to say, to do whatever his daughter asked and try to mop up the damage. The faith the psychiatrist had in his son-in-law had to be admired but Josh did not feel so confident in himself at that moment.

"Daddy, I saw a shallow cave some ten paces to her right. You have to keep urging her to move towards it. If she stays put everything will buckle under her weight. I just saw her die." Ben pensively rubbed his forehead. "Daddy," he finally said, "I don't want her to take my place. You, Nick, Emma and Sarah need her more than you would need me and I'm not afraid of Freddie. Please tell mummy what I just said...perhaps she would reconsider things after you tell her how I feel."

Tears rolled down from the father's anguished eyes as his heart was gripped with profound sorrow. A four-year-old boy should not be having these thoughts and troubles, either seeing himself being tortured to death or seeing his mother fall off a cliff after she had sacrificed her life for him. He should be carefree and happy like his brother and sisters. It was indeed a heavy price to pay for an extremely bright mind. He lifted him up onto his chest and huddled him close, and in a steady, reassuring voice he said, "Ben, you have to believe in me. Grandpa does and you once said that he never lies. If he says that I can open new paths, then I will. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will look after you and your mother. I promise. You should forget about everything and try to go back to sleep."

"Can I stay out here with you? The dreams can get scary sometimes."

"Sure, you can sleep out here with me, but you must rest because we have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow," and he kissed his son and cuddled him close to his chest as he rocked him to sleep. Ben was soon snoring away. Josh wished that he could fall asleep that easily.

He closed his eyes and pictured the possible rescue mission he could mount. Marco could organise everything he wanted in no time at all. They already had a tentative plan. A private jet was all set up and ready to go. They would parachute down on the cursed island as close to the cliffs as was feasibly safe. Using the parachute rather than landing their jet directly on the island would possibly mask their descent or at least give Freddie less time to react. However, Josh knew that even though they would try to be as inconspicuous as they possibly could, Freddie would still somehow spot them and he would try to escape through the secret passage in the house which opened onto the cliff path which in turn wound down to the sea. Josh knew that once his feet touched the ground he had to head straight for the cliffside to try to intercept them there.

The cliff path started halfway down the steep cliff so Josh would have to first climb down towards that path as fast as possible. The climb down looked deadly but he could clearly see himself scrambling down and reaching the path so he knew that he would somehow manage it. The major problem would be the subsequent sequence of events. At some point Maria would slip from the path and he had to make sure that he was by her side before the rock face crumbled. He was not sure what would happen to Freddie, he had not seen that bit, but he knew that Maria would live to a ripe old age if he could prevent her fall from the cliff. If not, he had to round up a medical team to deal with the mangled body he had seen in his dreams.

And that was the purpose of that day's dream. He'll ask Marco to organise a boat equipped with everything for an emergency, a mini floating hospital with operating theatre and all. He'll hire the best doctors money could buy. This boat should stay docked on the nearby island and set sail as soon as they parachute down.

He did not want to wake up Ben who was by then sleeping soundly on his chest, so he gingerly dialled Marco's number and outlined everything in soft whispers. There was nothing else Josh could do and so he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Two hours later Maria looked out onto the balcony and smiled as she saw her son curled on her husband's chest. Both were fast asleep. She looked proudly at the physically flawless boy. She was glad that he had none of her genes to mar the perfect face his father had given him. If Ben were a little older no one would be able to tell them apart. She was extremely proud of his scholastic achievements too but she did secretly worry about his abnormal ability to see his future. She had seen Josh's tortured face many times before. Knowing the terrifying bits was utterly unbearable, and actually seeing everything in black and white was different from hearing the gentle edited warnings that Josh sometimes gave her. Seeing them made them more believable.

It was time to set out for home and she bent down to kiss her husband. He woke with a start, wondering what the heavy load on his chest was before he realised that Ben was still there. He looked into her eyes and fixed that perfect smile.

"Why are you two out here?" she asked.

"It was too hot and stuffy in there," and he gently woke Ben up and went inside to get ready for their journey home.

#  Wise Solomon's Choice

They were back in their quaint fairytale cottage. Josh was sitting at his computer desk, staring blankly at the random images on the monitor while he waited for his wife to put their children to bed. It was a lengthy process involving running hot baths and brushing of teeth followed by long elaborate fantasy stories and constant repetitive goodnights. He usually helped but that day he had other things on his mind.

Emma opened the door to her father's library. "Daddy, Freddie has asked me to give you this as soon as we arrive home. He said that it would make you very happy. He made me promise not to tell mummy because you may wish to tell her yourself after you have watched it. And I kept my promise." She proudly held up a CD in her hand.

"When did you meet Freddie?" he asked, careful not to raise his voice and scare her again.

"The other day in the ice cream parlour. You were talking to Ben, and when I left Nick and Sarah to go near mum I bumped into him and I recognised him immediately. He was extremely kind and nice to me. He said that he had been waiting for me to break away from the group for over a week because he had this very important secret mission for me to do. He said that this CD was too precious to send by post. He didn't want to risk losing it." She looked at her father's pale face, "Aren't you pleased with me? I did everything he asked me to, I didn't tell mum and I waited until you were by yourself in the library."

"You should not speak to strangers." He was scared. Apparently Freddie had been stalking them for a week and had finally managed to get close to his daughter under his very nose. Josh had even been prepared that day and was vigilantly watching over his family, but his brother had still managed to find a loophole. He had grabbed that one single moment of distraction while the father shared a shocking conversation with his son.

Emma tried to defend herself. "Freddie is not a stranger. He saved mummy's life when Ben was born. It was all over the news. Also mummy used to work in his hospital. We used to meet him every week at Grandpa Phil's place and he was always cracking jokes and making everyone laugh. Mummy liked him a lot and he was her friend."

Will his children stop painting this perfect portrait of Freddie as the hallowed selfless saint who saved their mother from the clutches of death? ....Though Emma was right on one thing, Freddie had always managed to make Maria laugh and she always seemed to be in good spirits when she returned home from work, or after visiting Phil when he happened to be there too. They worked well together and were perfectly compatible until the fiend decided to abduct and torture her into submission. Perhaps if Freddie had waited a bit longer and continued with his tactics, Maria might have eventually succumbed to his potent charms and left her husband and family out of her own free will. Freddie might not be so bad for her after all.

Perhaps he should decide to let them live their life together with their blue-eyed son in that white immaculate house on the cliff top. Josh sighed sadly and shook his head as he emerged from his bitter reverie. He looked at his daughter and explained slowly, "Emma, people change and Freddie is not so good these days. He has hurt mummy and he could have hurt you too. You should never speak to anyone who is not with us and you should never have gone off on your own. You are not to do that ever again. Do you understand?"

She nodded, "I'm sorry daddy. Are you still angry with me?"

"No, I am not." Being angry would achieve nothing now. What was done was done.

"Shall I tell mummy about the CD?"

"Not yet, I will tell her myself. Now go to bed. Your brothers and sister have finished bathing and mum will soon begin reading her bedtime stories." And he kissed her goodnight.

He could hear Maria urging her children to settle down. He looked at the CD lying in his hand. He had a bad feeling about this and he did not think that he would like it despite Freddie's assurances to Emma, but he had to see what it contained before he showed it to his wife. He slipped it into the computer and waited.

What came up left him speechless and trembling. It was the entire torture session that Freddie had made Maria go through two years ago. The sick pervert had filmed everything and had been callous enough to hand it over to Emma, an innocent child who could easily have watched it herself before handing it over to her father. Josh did not want to watch but he felt obliged to feel his wife's pain and in that way he could finally share it, because actually seeing it on screen was somehow more agonizing than any of the vivid images in his dreams. He just sat still and watched the atrocity, enduring the tortured screams until they were gradually replaced by the repetitive metallic click of the needle holder as the mad doctor silently sutured the gaping wounds while his victim slipped deeper and deeper in a state of comatose stupor.

And at the same time he could also hear her happily reading stories upstairs, unaware of his agony as he watched this tasteless torture. The CD came to an end and the images faded away but Josh could not move a muscle, he remained seated in front of his computer with his eyes shut tight in anguish.

He heard her kiss her children goodnight and then enter her bedroom for a quick shower as she prepared for her seduction. He could almost imagine her sitting in front of her mirror, flicking her curls and applying that faint subtle hint of makeup. He heard the fine swish of delicate silk as she slowly came down the stairs into his library. The gentle whiff of the enticing perfume she had used permeated across the room. She put her arms round his shoulders and kissed the back of his head, "Hello handsome, the kids are finally asleep, we can begin our party."

But he did not move. He remained with his eyes shut and fists clenched as he leaned his throbbing head against his white knuckles. She moved round to face him. He opened his eyes. She was wearing her fine deep-blue silk summer dress that hugged her perfect form and fell just above her knees. His eyes travelled up to her face. She inhaled sharply as she met his gaze and saw that naked flame of fear. He had finally shed his acting mask.

He leaned forward and silently clicked the CD back to life, and he watched her face crumble as she relived her worst nightmare. She could not bear more than a minute and she switched it off.

"Did he send that?" Her voice trembled with horror.

"Worse... He personally gave it to Emma in Disneyland. He must have been trailing us and at the first window of opportunity he calmly approached her. He has managed to get so close to our daughter and she even thought that he was being friendly and kind. He could easily have abducted her but for some strange reason he chose not to."

She gasped and swayed unsteadily towards him. He swiftly drew her onto his lap and she rested her head against his shoulder. He could feel her heart beating fast inside her chest but he continued, "I have also had dreams, and so has Ben."

"What did he see?" she was panicking now. "Oh poor child, I must speak to him and comfort him. He must be shattered."

"He is fine. He is coping much better than I would have expected. He is being very brave." Josh tried to calm her down.

"Is that why you were both out on the balcony this morning?"

He nodded. "Maria, we have a lot to discuss whenever you are ready. We need to lay out our options and then ask Marco to come over. I have already contacted him yesterday and he is waiting for my call."

"Ok, give me the fine details," she said as she gathered her thoughts and braced herself for the worst.

"Freddie will come for Ben and he does not want anyone else but him. He even tried to warn us about the impending danger by sending stuff with Emma. It's his way of inflicting terror and showing his invincibility."

"When can we expect him?"

"I don't see everything. I don't know when or how. We can be as vigilant as we can but Freddie will manage to find a loophole somewhere down the line. He will not stick to any particular scenario and he will impulsively strike at the first opportunity. I'm sure that he is thinking of everything, school, parties, tennis lessons, changing rooms, toilets...everything. It is just not physically possible for us to stay glued to Ben's side wherever he goes. And this will have to go on for God knows how long. I think that his abduction is inevitable. Then Freddie will probably ask for the exchange I had told you about. He does not want a repeat of last time and he will not hurt you. He just wants to start a family with you. So he will give you a choice, you can either go to him freely and he will release Ben...or else he will...murder the boy."

"Will he still harm him if I go? Oh God, what is he going to do to him? Did Ben see all of this too?" She could not stop the hysterical questions from tumbling out.

Josh did not want to give any details but he had to be truthful. "Yes, Ben saw his own death. If you refuse the swap, Freddie will take the boy to this island. He goes into this crazy state where he thinks that the boy is me. He will.....he will.....he will nail Ben to the floor and....it's pretty gruesome. Freddie will however keep his word if you go and Ben will be allowed to go home with me. Ben knows about the risks you have to take if you decide to save his life and he is against it. It would be just as painful for him to continue living without his mother. He has asked me to persuade you to abandon the swap."

"Josh, you know that I won't do that. Please be honest with me. If I refuse to go, can you _definitely_ get Ben out of that island alive and unharmed?"

"No....I don't know if I can make it there on time.....and I can't man the island beforehand either because I have tried to mould my dreams that way and Freddie will somehow get to know about the ambush and he'll change his destination. The end result would be the same, only the location would be different. Perhaps...." He stopped to think. "Perhaps we could spring on Freddie before he gets to the island, at the private airfield during the swap."

"Do you see that succeeding?" she asked him, seeking his face for the truth.

He closed his eyes and concentrated on the ticking of the grandfather clock outside the room, on the beating of her heart and the hushed silence around him. She let him drift off into that alien world of his...

Josh and Maria got out of their car and looked at the far side of the runway where the private jet stood. They saw Freddie come down the steps and wait on the tarmac at the foot of the plane. Ben emerged, huddling a puppy close to the thick black jacket he was wearing. His attire was far too warm and heavy for that time of year. Maria started her long slow walk to the gallows, giving Marco's snipers enough time to aim for a clear clean shot.

Bang...Freddie instantly hit the ground...but so did the black box in his hand...and Ben's explosive thick black jacket turned into one vast inferno...

Josh gulped a mouthful of air as he painfully forced his lungs to inflate.

"That was not good either. Don't lie to me Josh. I can see it in your eyes."

"Nothing works because you are so determined to go," he accused irrationally. "If you keep your options open I might be able to predict a different outcome."

But she kept shaking her head, "He is my Ben, my little Josh; please understand that I would give up my life for my baby. I cannot and I will not see him get hurt. Please Josh, don't try to stop me...because I will never forgive you if something happens to our son."

"I know. I've seen you hating me forever if I try to hinder that swap." He sighed and continued, "Then, I can see two parallel paths emerging after the exchange. Marco and I can come to the island to try to get you out of there, but again Freddie will somehow spot us and he will drag you to a path in the cliff face to try to escape by boat. I'm not sure what really happens but you somehow end up clinging for your life. This morning I dreamt about a mangled body with a bunch of medics surrounding it but the image was distorted and dark, not like any of the other vivid pictures. I do not know its significance. On the other hand, I can choose to let you live your life with my brother. I see you locked in this white room with Freddie's son, a fair-haired, blue-eyed boy as handsome as his father. You will have a new family and you will love the boy."

"You must understand this," she said with a passion as she firmly held his face in both her hands, "I cannot live without you or the kids, that life would be completely worthless. And I will not have his children growing inside me. So the second path is not an option. You must help me here _, you must come for me_. I will not die. You can open a totally different path so that we can all be together again."

"You can't ask me to gamble on your life just as much as I can't ask you to put Ben's life on the line," he responded with equal passion. "I cannot watch you die because of my actions, just because I cannot bear to see you with someone else. This reminds me of a bible story I learnt during Sunday Church School when I was a boy. Do you remember Solomon's story? He was a wise king who had been asked to judge two women who each said that this one baby was theirs. Solomon wanted to use his sword and cut the child in two so that each of them would have half, and in that way he would be fair and just to both of them. Only the true loving mother stepped forward and stopped the madness, she would rather see her child healthy and alive and being raised by another than see him cut in two. If I truly love you, I would let you live your life and perhaps you will one day find happiness with someone else. Perhaps you would already have found it with Rob had I left two years ago but I was too selfish to do so. But this time your safety will be first on my list."

"No, I beg you Josh, don't do this to me. That is not a life, that would be a mere existence. I'd rather die. If you truly love me you would consider my wishes, and everything will fall into place."

"You sound just like your father, but neither one of you has a right to ask this of me."

"Is that what my father said? Did he ask you to respect my wishes?"

"Yes, but it is I who will have to live with the knowledge that I have sentenced you to an early death. Maria, I have not been totally honest with you, but I did see you in my dreams, you were happy in Freddie's arms...kissing passionately...very passionately. Freddie can be quite a charmer if he wants to be and he will treat you well if you don't ever mention me. I am the one who sends him into that crazy, violent mode."

There was shock and disbelief in her voice as she raged, "That is a lie. I can never be happy with him. This passion you think you saw in that kiss is a cruel lie."

"My dreams don't lie, even though I really wish they did for just this once. I know Freddie well. Every woman craves for his attention and lusts for his presence, and as much as it hurts me to say, you will not be an exception to that rule." He looked sadly at her, "Maria, I also know that deep down he honestly loves you and he might not be doing this only to avenge me. If you learn to love him in return he will not be the monster he is now. I'm sorry, I cannot be the one to end your life."

She started to protest again but he abruptly silenced her. "Stop it; we are wasting precious time arguing over this. I will not come for you unless I dream about you surviving this. That is my final decision. The only thing we can do now is to try to tip the balance in our favour. We have to study all our options, memorize the layout of the island and its cliff face and all possible scenarios. I did not tell you this but four months ago Marco managed to locate the island and I have gone to see it. The cliff face is indeed very steep and treacherous. We have photo close-ups and I have to have another look at them to try and identify which ledge you will be holding on to and what my chances are of getting close to you before it breaks away. If there is a way out of this I will come for you, but if there is the tiniest possibility of a fatal outcome...then you will have to move on and start a new life with Freddie. Know that I will always love you."

He picked up the phone. Marco was there in less than ten minutes. They poured over photos as Josh pointed out every little detail he remembered from his dreams. He could easily memorize the exact route he had to take down the first half of the cliff to reach the safety of the path. His photographic memory would come in handy. All Marco had to do was to follow in his footsteps. Knowing the route beforehand would give them those few extra precious minutes.

Josh even managed to locate the exact ledge Maria would hold on to. He recognised it by the nearby shallow cave Ben had highlighted which would have been impossible to see from where Josh would be standing because of the sharp ledge overhanging the entrance. All Maria had to do was to keep moving to her right until she reached the solid floor of the cave. It all looked so simple on paper but Josh knew that Maria would be too distraught to think. He was not convinced. He had to dream about it succeeding before he would attempt it.

It was past midnight and Marco was still there going through possible plans. The phone rang and Josh quickly answered it, wondering who it might be at that time of night.

"Hello Josh." Freddie's voice came loud and clear. "Did you enjoy the gift I sent with your beautiful daughter? She is quite trusting and very talkative, isn't she? You should teach her not to converse so intimately with strangers; it would have been so easy to take her. But I wanted Ben, the child I delivered into this world. He belongs to me. And guess what? I've got him here beside me."

"Ben's at home, Maria just tucked him in bed," but as he said that he sprinted up to his son's room with Maria hot on his heels. The window was open and the bed lay empty.

"Didn't you believe me when I said that I had Ben? You see, I know your son better than you do. He never told you about his daily midnight adventures out in your back woods. He would open his bedroom window and slither down the tree trunk, whistling for this cute stray puppy which roamed the place. He had always wanted his own four-legged friend, now why didn't you ever give him one? Perhaps if you had, he would not have had to sneak out in the middle of the night."

"Oh God," Josh murmured as he passed his hand over his face. He had always denied his son any contact with dogs and he even tried instilling an irrational phobia in him. He had subconsciously hoped that banning pets would prevent that airport runway dream where he had seen Ben fervently clutching on to a small puppy. Moreover, he had never discussed the details of his dreams with his son. They should have been sharing vital information...but it was useless crying over spilt milk.

"The boy thought that his midnight adventures were harmless," Freddie continued. "After all it happened inside your own private and secure forest which is fortressed by massive walls and hedges. But I have been inside hundreds of times through the same gap the dog squeezes through. And I've watched your son every day. I could have had him a long time ago but I generously wanted to give you a fair warning with that CD. And after that I just grabbed my first chance when it presented itself this evening. You should have seen his petrified face before I put him to sleep. Gosh, your son does look like you. He reminds me so much of the four-year-old Josh I despised so much as a child." Freddie's voice was quivering now. "Why did you shred me apart, Josh? Why did you ever exist?"

Josh sensed his brother's mental unrest and mounting agitation. "Freddie, please let him go. He is not me."

"I need to speak to Maria, _now_ please."

"You can speak to me. It's me you despise so much. Leave my family out of this." But Josh knew that the pack of cards lay in Freddie's hands, he had Ben and all the bargaining power. Josh was in no position to dictate any rules.

"That is exactly why I want to take your family away from you. If you want to violate a man's soul go for the people he loves...that is my philosophy. Who will you choose to save from me, your son or your wife?"

Maria grabbed at the phone but Josh kept it out of her reach. She ran downstairs and hit the speakerphone button as she glared at her husband, "Freddie, what do you want from me?"

"Go to Longman's private airfield tomorrow morning at six. You must know that your little Ben will have some explosives attached to him and if the police interfere in any way he will be blown into a thousand pieces and little Josh will exist no longer. Park your car at the start of the runway and we can then have a fair exchange, Josh can have his son back, unharmed, and you can come with me. Please wear something nice. I haven't had sex in ages. Will you come?"

"Yes, I'll be there."

"That was a very quick decision. I had been expecting some begging and tears. You must be starving. I don't blame you. Josh can be rather bland and boring, doing his thing and leaving you short of that final exhilarating moment. But I'll soon take care of that for you."

"The quick decision was because you have my son, you moron, I would never have come close to your disgusting existence otherwise," she hissed.

"Now Maria, that was not what you felt during that wild Christmas party. You really enjoyed my disgusting hands roaming every inch of your curvy body. Well, enjoyed is an understatement, you were wetter than the Pacific Ocean before I had you in that restroom...Do you remember that? Oh, I know you are on speakerphone and Josh can hear everything and we had agreed not to mention this to him. Our dirty little secret, but guess what, Josh already knows about your lusty behaviour on that wild party night. Did you really think that he wouldn't notice the absence of your underwear when you returned home that night? Or did you really think that I'll allow him to live in ignorance? Yes Maria, I told him a long time ago but I bet he never confronted you about it. Poor meek Josh, he will never hurt your precious feelings and he will never obstruct your path. He will let you sleep with a horse if that makes you happy. And you will be happy with me Maria, I can guarantee that. That party proves it all."

She looked at her husband's pained face and she knew that he was thinking of her future passionate embrace with Freddie in his dreams. She shook her head and sent out a silent apology to him. But he turned his back on her, masking his crumbling self-esteem.

"That party was a mistake. I only did what I did because I was angry with Josh and you really knew how to fuel that anger. I would have slept with anything after hearing Pam's story, even a beast like you. I hate you Freddie, you can never ever compare with Josh. You can never touch my soul the way he does."

"Now, that is not the way to talk to me especially when I have a knife so close to tiny Josh. Please don't anger me, you know what I'm like when I get really angry. Speak nicely to me, I need to calm down. Tell me how much you dream of feeling me move inside you again. Tell me what a useless lover Josh is."

"Please don't do anything to my son. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry will not even begin to quench my rage. Speak dirty to me. Otherwise I will just stick this knife in his perfect little face and let him bleed to...."

"I'm sorry Freddie, I need to be with you now."

"That's it. Tell me more."

"Please Freddie, let my son go."

"You're not helping me."

She heard the swish of the knife as it left its metal case. "Freddie, please move back. OK Freddie...I long for your touch. Please make love to me."

"Ok, go on. What are you wearing?"

She looked down her short skimpy blue summer dress, "Jeans and T-shirt."

"Boring...What is beneath that?"

"Underwear."

"What colour?"

"I don't know," she snapped.

"Take everything off."

She heard the knife drive in home on a wooden table. She screamed hysterically. Josh put his arms around her trembling body but he did not dare speak. He did not want to unbalance his brother.

"What colour?" Freddie asked impatiently.

"Black," she sobbed.

"What else, silk or lace?"

"Lace."

"Now slide your hands down beneath that black lace and I want you to close your eyes and picture that wild Christmas party. See the dim lights. Feel the same beat of that music creeping inside your very core as our tongues explored the depths of each other's souls. Feel my fingers caressing you slowly. Can you remember the way you leaned against the wall and hooked your leg around me as your dress rode high to your waist? You never cared about the three-month-old foetus you were carrying in your belly...or about the crowd pressing against us. Their envious eyes excited you and all you wanted was for them to see me carry you to the heights of pleasure, to the very top of the mountain. And then your audience applauded as your body shook with that sweet sense of gratification. Now do you want me as much as you wanted me that day?"

She heard him wedge the knife out of the table and scrape it against the wooden surface. She covered her mouth as she suppressed a muffled scream. Her voice shook uncontrollably, "Yes Freddie, I want you, I want you inside me again. Please, please do not harm him in any way, please calm down and step away from him, Freddie please, we are wasting time here. I want to leave for Longman's airfield as soon as possible. I'll be there, I promise, and we could be having sex all day tomorrow if you leave him alone today."

She heard him laugh, that deep, rich, merry laugh that she used to enjoy so much. The good-humoured Freddie had emerged. She knew that it was over. She wept with relief.

"That is much better." His voice was calm and steady. "Oh don't worry, I was never going to do anything to Ben this evening, I just wanted to hear you grovel and scream. He is not even in the room with me. I was not going to let an innocent child hear our conversation and get to know what a slut his mother had been on a wild Christmas night. What kind of monster do you think I am...And oh by the way, I just love the blue dress you are wearing; it goes perfectly with the shape of your breasts. And your underwear, it's not black or lacy. Well, you have nothing on today. It makes it easier for Josh who usually tears his way in. I saw you get ready for him this evening and I am assuming that you haven't changed yet. You really should draw your bedroom curtains together. Someone might be lurking in the massive private woods at the back of your house. The fortress is not impenetrable, you know." The line went dead.

Maria looked at her husband, "Josh, I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll be all right. I know how his sick mind works and I think that I can handle him for a while until you come, but you must promise to come for me as soon as Ben is safe. You can't possibly love me if you want me to live with that monster. Promise me, Josh. You have to come for me," she insisted with tears in her eyes.

"I can't promise that, I'm sorry too. Just accept your life with him. You will be happy, I know that, even he knows that. Just let him finish what he started during that Christmas party, you were enjoying it after all. Please don't let me hold you back." He stormed out of the room.

Maria looked pleadingly at Marco. He nodded, understanding her, "He'll come, just give him some time. I will make sure that the risk he is so worried about will be minimal."

Maria went upstairs to their bedroom. Josh was there, sitting on the side of their bed, intently looking down at the floorboards, his jaw clenched and his hands rolled in tight fists. He was in pain but there was nothing she could say that could possibly help him. She wordlessly changed into a frumpy looking shirt and an old pair of jeans; she was not going to make it easy for Freddie. Josh saw her slip their family photo inside her jeans pocket, the same photo he had seen her so lovingly caress in the dream. They set out half an hour later, the airfield being a good four-hour journey. They drove on in complete silence.

The small aircraft was faithfully waiting for them at the far end of the runway. Josh parked the car and got out. Freddie and Ben emerged from the plane.

"Please Josh," Maria pleaded as she circled her arms around his waist. "Don't be angry with me. That party was a mistake. My blinding jealousy smothered all reason. It was my resentment for your past that made me act that way; it was not lust for Freddie. Your dreams are wrong; I will remain faithful to you in my heart for as long as I live. I will never willingly sleep with him."

But Josh knew that, with the passage of time, her promise to be faithful to him would eventually be broken. His dreams never lied and her passionate embrace with his brother as she wrapped herself around his body was branded on his mind for all eternity. But then again, will he remain celibate after all those years? Probably not. At that stage sex and love would have two separate meanings for both of them. He had no right to judge her. He did not want to part like this; his silent treatment would only fill him with regret and remorse later. He bent down and kissed her, that one long last kiss, as his tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Please come for me, I cannot be parted from you, this is breaking my heart. I will be waiting for you. Promise me," she sobbed uncontrollably into his chest. With great difficulty she broke free from his arms and started walking away from him.

He saw her run the last few metres and kneel in front of Ben who was clutching the puppy. She hugged her son, pushed a note in his hand and pointed to her husband. Ben ran as fast as his little legs could carry him.

As Josh knelt down and started removing the boy's explosive jacket, Maria's haunting scream was carried across the distance. He looked up and saw his brother viciously hit her across her face and drag her by her hair into the waiting aircraft which took off immediately. The last image Josh had of her was her petrified face looking out of the window.

"Oh Maria, just give him what he wants. Your loyalty to me can only drive him insane," Josh murmured up to the sky. She thought that she could handle him, well she was wrong. Freddie was the only person living on earth who was immune to her gentle persuasion.

Ben slipped her note in his father's hands. Josh opened it.

My dearest Josh,

Don't condemn me to that lifeless existence. Please know that I love you, I always have and I always will. You usually say that to me and now I'm saying it to you.

Maria

Josh shoved it inside his pocket and put his arm around Ben's shoulder as he led him inside the car. He left the jacket there on the runway; the police will deal with it later.

"Daddy, will you bring mummy back?" Ben looked up at his father with trusting eyes. He was still at that tender age where he thought that fathers could do anything, even move the stars or hold back the flashing thunder in the skies.

"I don't know, Ben, I honestly don't know."

#  Conflicting Emotions

Maria looked into her husband's eyes as he kissed her, their final farewell. His agony was tangible. With great difficulty she broke his embrace and started walking towards their son. A chilling wave of fear hit her as she caught sight of the bulky jacket. Who in their right state of mind would strap explosives to an innocent child? What if the boy fiddled with it and set something off? She had no time to lose. She ran the last few metres and fell to her knees. She hugged her son with the greatest caution, fearful of triggering that ferocious blast.

"You will be all right now," she told him in between tears, "You have to give this to daddy and you are to go straight to him. Do you understand?" She furtively pushed a crumpled note in his hand, hoping that it would not get confiscated. But Freddie seemed to want to give her that last moment of privacy and he had moved quite a few paces away from them.

"I'm sorry, mummy."

"None of this is your fault, you have to remember that. Now go very slowly, don't touch any of the wires inside your jacket. Let daddy take it off for you." Her heart stopped beating as she watched her son run towards her husband.

Freddie came by her side, relishing her pain, "If I press this black button I'll blow them both to hell. Killing both Joshes with one stone. That's a very good bargain," he sniggered. She went absolutely hysterical as she screamed and desperately tried to grab the device. But he towered over her and brutally hit her across her face. He grabbed her hair and dragged her kicking and screaming towards the waiting aircraft.

"Don't do it, please. You promised," she pleaded as the plane started to speed down the runway.

Freddie laughed and sank down on one of the four luxurious leather seats. It was a spacious and expensively furnished aircraft. Freddie had obviously not lived in poverty during his two-year exile. He started to play with the device in his hand, slowly circling the black button with his thumb. He finally sighed and flung it on the adjacent seat. He looked up at her. His eyes travelled from her tearful face down to her toes and he shook his head with disapproval, "I told you to put on something nice, is this the best you have, an old pair of jeans and shirt? Shame on Josh. I did dress up for this occasion," he said pointing out his immaculate blue suit. "Take everything off, I want to check if you have any hidden devices on your body."

"Freddie, I swear I don't have anything, there is no need to check."

"I don't think I can trust you...or Josh. I said NOW, or else I'll blow your husband and your four children down to hell in their own home. I have been to your cosy little cottage while you were away on holiday and I have everything set up just in case you choose to be difficult. A phone call is all it will take." He watched her take off her jeans, shirt and sandals. He checked everything thoroughly and found nothing but the family photo. He smiled as he put it back in her pocket. Maria was surprised, she had expected him to tear it into a million pieces.

"That photo was very touching...very touching indeed," he smirked. "Now take off your underwear and stand still in front of me. I still can't figure out how Josh could have possibly planned everything in advance back there in Murren. It must have been a tracking device. Don't just stand there, you are making me very angry, think of your children." He started to look agitated as he began to impatiently drum his fingers on his armrest.

Maria had had a taste of his volatile personality and she had no doubt that his threats were genuine. She thought of her children sleeping in bed as the bomb detonated and she shuddered. She wondered how she could send out a message to her husband to clean out the house and grounds. But for the time being she had no choice but to obey his commands. Without another word she stripped down and stood before him. He leaned forward on his seat and ran his hands over every inch of her naked body taking far longer than was necessary, his only intention being to intimidate and demean her. There was no need for this, for if she had indeed planted a tracking devise under her skin it would have been easily visible. After all the kidnapping happened less than six hours earlier and any fresh wounds would have been glaringly obvious.

"I just have to check and recheck everywhere," he smiled impishly as he cupped her breasts for the millionth time.

"If you think I'm enjoying this then you must be raving mad. This is totally unnecessary and you know it. Are you finished now?" she responded coldly as she tried to push his hands off her.

His face instantly darkened with rage. "Don't you dare use that tone with me. I can do whatever I want with you and there is nothing you can do to stop me. You had better start learning that fast. I am not Josh, giving in to your every plea. I haven't stopped checking yet, turn around, spread your legs and bend over. I want to see what you have hidden down here."

"You sick, sadistic pervert, take your hands off me," she screamed as she tried to struggle out of his invading hands. But that was a very bad idea because it inflamed him even more. He hit her and sent her sprawling on the ground. He pounded her repeatedly and mercilessly until finally he put his hands around her neck and started choking her. Despite his mad fury, he spoke calmly and clearly.

"I will not remind you again of the bomb hidden inside your cottage. Next time I will just pick up the phone. You are going to do exactly as I say and be a good girl. The maths is simple, the longer you keep struggling the longer I'll probe. I don't think I can make myself any clearer than that. Do you agree?"

She stopped struggling and closed her eyes, enduring the tearing pain and humiliation. After what seemed like an eternity he calmly stood up and adjusted his tie.

"Get up and stand still," he ordered as he kicked her flank. He sank down on his seat and leaned back comfortably. She slowly picked herself up. She felt very bruised and dizzy after that pounding but she didn't dare complain. He just left her standing before him. He kept looking intimately at her, enjoying her discomfort as she tried to cover herself up with her long curls and hands. She felt stripped of all her dignity.

"That's better," he finally said. "We have an understanding now. You must know your place in life and treat me well unless you want to be humiliated and punished. I fear that Josh has let you have your way too much, you desperately need some discipline. He may have turned a blind eye to your insolence but that kind of behaviour will not be tolerated by me. Oh, wait, I did not tell you to sit down; I want to have a proper look at you. Stand still and stop being such a prude. Pull your hair back and clasp your hands behind your back. Show me what you've got. I SAID NOW. You were not so shy in front of Josh. Remember that I did watch you for over four years and you never thought twice about shoving all your assets in his face...you two-faced whore."

"He's my husband and you had no right to pry into what we did in our own bedroom." She clenched her hands into tight fists but stopped herself from lashing out. Her deep anger could only get her into more trouble.

"I'm afraid I'm not the only one who enjoyed watching you prostitute yourself to my brother," Freddie continued. "Those CDs were seen by hundreds of police officers...at least that is what Inspector Williams told me. He was kind enough to make a copy of some of my favourite ones before giving them back to you. He copied some for himself too. Those dirty movies kept him and his wife entertained for months. Oh, why are you surprised? Williams was handsomely bribed to narrowly miss catching me every time. How do you think I survived this long?"

That was why they could never pin Freddie down. The law was on his side. Thank God Josh hadn't revealed the location of the island. She staggered towards the opposite seat, feeling faint.

"You can only sit when I tell you to sit. You have to keep on standing for now."

She bit her lower lip. "Please Freddie, forgive me. I've learnt my lesson and I won't do that again. Please can I have my clothes back now?"

He stuffed her underwear in his jacket pocket and threw her jeans and shirt at her face. She tried hard to avoid his watchful eyes as she hastily put her clothes back on and meekly sat down on the seat opposite him.

"It is amazing how I can get you to do everything by just threatening to kill your husband and children. But you don't know me at all. I will never kill my own brother unless I _really_ have to. That would be too easy on him. I want him to live and know that you and I are sleeping together. That would truly eat him away. Eventually, he will find someone else and his previous life with you will be a forgotten past. You know Josh, it will take him less than a couple of months to feel the need of a woman inside his bed. When he does move on I will find another way to make his life a living hell again. Perhaps I can even get his new lover to live with you, I can set up a new harem, all with women Josh cares about, all used, abused and humiliated by me..." His face was suffused with hatred as he ranted on and on.

Maria looked down, saying nothing. She just let him vent his resentment.

Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Freddie's handsome face softened and he was the friend Maria had enjoyed talking to many years ago, the Freddie who had come to her office and had poured out all his troubles to her as they discussed many complex medical issues. The bitter edge in his voice was booted out by this gentle and tender tone.

"...But I didn't always hate Josh so much. I cannot imagine existing if he is not around, he is my little brother after all...and I have always wanted a brother. He even looks like me, the only difference being our colouring. Many even called us the fair and dark twins, our features being so uncannily similar. But that is not surprising, after all we do share the same father and our mothers were sisters. I have always hated and loved Josh at the same time."

Freddie paused, took a deep breath and continued, "Maria, can you try to understand what it feels like to always live under the shadow of a younger brother, not even a brother, a bastard brother who outshines you in everything you do? I could never hope to achieve his grades however hard I tried, he remembered everything effortlessly within seconds and I had to work my socks off to try to keep up. We went to the same school and my dad could not help that jibe, that subtle comparison. I picked on Josh and used every opportunity I had to get him into trouble. Dad never took his side in any argument and Josh was always blamed and punished. But I knew that deep down dad loved him more, it was only guilt that made him act that way. Maria, please understand why half of me hated him so much, it means a lot to me if you understand what makes me turn into this hideous creature that I loathe so much. I didn't want to do the things I did to you a while ago," he said, looking at his hands and despising himself.

He slowly lifted his head and looked into her liquid brown eyes, begging her for forgiveness. She nodded, encouraging him to continue to open up his thoughts. The dysfunctional family situation and childhood experiences had scarred both brothers. But whereas Josh reacted by retreating into his own private world and cutting all ties with reality, Freddie reacted with violence and malice.

"The other half of me loved Josh and wished him well. How could I not? He was always so sad and lonely, obsessed with the fantasy that there was a father out there who would have loved him had he known of his existence. Josh grew into this miserable insecure introvert. I often wept for him. When we were boys he was my biggest friend and my worst enemy. But then our career paths forked and we were no longer in direct competition. I flourished in my field and my fifty-fifty love and hate feelings for him were replaced by genuine goodwill. I helped him build up his confidence......especially with girls. I made them see past his silent moody character and he used to rely on me to get him through the conversation part of the evening. We had always been able to share women and jokes and laughs. We did a lot of daring stuff together and we were inseparable. I have missed him terribly these past few years and my life was just never the same after he met you." He went silent, his mind wandering far off to his younger happier days.

Maria sat back, deep in thought. This mess was never destined to happen. If her father hadn't sought out Josh everyone would be on the original path which had been written out from the beginning of time. She should have died in that park, and Josh and Freddie should still be the best of friends doing what they had been doing from their early teenage years, bed-hopping and causing chaos to thousands of female hearts. Josh should never have found his soul mate and therefore he should never have settled down. But her father had chosen to meddle with destiny so that she would be able to walk amongst the living, and the repercussions were still being felt by everyone who came in direct contact with her. That terrible sense of guilt engulfed her.

"I'm sorry, Freddie."

Her whispered apology broke his reverie. "Yes, there was a time when I genuinely wanted to give him the world. But the thing is, our interests did eventually cross again and we fell in love with the same girl, and he outshone me once more. Revenge for Josh is not the only reason I want you here with me. I did fall in love with you that first night I saw you at the surgery with a bashed forehead. But...a part of me hated you too, for rejecting me and for seizing my brother's heart. I was once again split in two as those intense conflicting feelings of love and hate battled inside me. After your hasty marriage I tried really hard to get on with my life without Josh... and you, but the day Ben was born destroyed all my resolve. I saw you dying and the part of me that loved you could not bear to lose you again. And then we started working together and I got to know the real you...."

He pressed the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes in pain. "...and my feelings got deeper and deeper. You have that strange irresistible quality that Josh fully recognised too. It is not beauty, no offence but I have dated prettier girls than you and so has Josh. Yes, that elusive factor enslaved us both. Perhaps it is the way you speak so softly, or walk, or the way you flick your curls back every time you laugh, or the way your brown eyes bore into our soul leaving us naked of any thoughts. You listen, a gift possessed by very few. You give everyone a piece of your own special time, your undivided attention. I can hold a decent conversation with you, a conversation that is deep and meaningful. You were the first to want to spend time with me for my mind and thoughts rather than for physical pleasure and lust and for what I can do to you in bed. Talking to you brings out the best in me."

His intense blue eyes met hers and she knew that his speech was heartfelt and honest. His eyes were no longer the cold cruel blue they had been a while ago, but the warm deep blue of the cloudless summer sky, eyes that could melt any heart. He was like a little lost boy pleading for help. He did not know who he really was. His childhood and the love and hate feelings he constantly felt gave him the double personality he now had. Her heart went out to him. But she had to be careful; she had seen his venom many times before, he was volatile and his evil side could emerge without any apparent provocation.

"I'm not that perfect Freddie. Don't put me on the pedestal I don't deserve. I betrayed my husband with his brother, remember? There's nothing more evil than that. Please don't waste your life on me. There are plenty of willing girls out there who would kill to have you and they would all make me look shabby and plain. Let's forget what happened in Switzerland and start afresh. Josh and I will drop all charges. We can say that I was willing to run away with you back then in Murren and that none of that was your fault. You can resume your life just as it was before this mess. The three of us, you Josh and I can be friends again. You are a brilliant doctor and it is a waste of those talents to remain in hiding forever."

He laughed, "You cannot sweet talk me out of this, my dear. Don't worry about my medical skills. I still practice medicine and I have managed to work in different hospitals under different names. It's amazing how easy life can be when you are on the run with loads of money. You can blend in everywhere. During these past two years I have even gone to work in Africa as a volunteer, so as you can see I am not so completely heartless."

"I know that and I have seen how considerate and kind you can be towards your patients, towards me when I needed your help. Please Freddie...."

"Maria, I know that once Josh is out of the way you will start to love me. If you try to look deep inside you, you'll admit that there was a time when you wanted me in your life too, not as much as you wanted Josh, but still, the attraction was there. And Josh knows about this. Do you remember what he said in the cellar in Murren?"

Maria looked away, she knew what Freddie was talking about, she could still hear her husband's pleading voice echoing in the cellar, "...leave _me here to die. Without me hovering around her, I know that she will begin to love you, I just know that, call it my sixth sense again..."_ And he had forcefully repeated this conviction only the day before when he had told her about his dream. Josh had never felt secure with her.

"I remember what he said but you are both wrong. The whole thing started because I wanted to pay Josh back for being so irresistible to other women and for being so perfect physically. I wanted to make him jealous of me and I wanted to hurt him. I needed your attention because at the time he was often away filming, and things just snowballed from there. Freddie, I admit I was attracted to you but I still loved him and I would never have left him."

"I knew that too and that was why I had to take you away from him. Maria, you will start to love me one day."

"You deserve someone better than me, someone whose heart totally belongs to you..." she tried again but Freddie shook his head. She had to go with the flow. "Fine, but you can't force yourself on me like you did last time. You have to give me time to adjust and allow my love to grow." Buying time was the only thing she could hope for now.

"I'll think about that, but I am not prepared to wait forever." Freddie sat back on his seat and looked at her, suddenly seeing her for the first time that day. He handed her a napkin, "Your lip is bleeding. I'm sorry I had to hit you again today. I keep turning into this monster. Here, let me have a look at it." He was gentle and kind as he leaned forward on his seat and looked at her bleeding lip, "You'll survive," he told her with a sweet smile that lit his handsome face.

Then he started to kiss her, tasting her sweet blood as it trickled from her wound. There was no lust or violence in that long kiss, only tenderness and love and a desperate plea for help. He pulled her from her seat and huddled her on his lap as he continued to kiss. She stiffened, hardly breathing, scared that she would somehow unleash the violent Freddie. She responded with what she hoped was enough passion to keep the evil Freddie locked up. She shook with fear.

He misunderstood her trembling, "It seems like I will not have to wait for long. I think I can survive for another couple of days." He smiled impishly and settled back on his seat. He gently pushed her head onto his chest and continued to cuddle her on his lap, saying nothing as he lost himself in his own thoughts.

Maria wanted to stay away from him; his strong arms circled around her as he stroked her thighs, his musky aftershave, and his warm breath on her hair were making her claustrophobic and sick. But she did not dare stand up and walk to the opposite seat.

She looked down and thought about their conversation, about the two extreme sides of Freddie. She thought about the gentle and considerate side. She remembered his strong and reassuring presence the night Ben was born. She would never have made it through that night hadn't he been there to urge her on. And after that, he continued to show genuine concern for her and her subsequent pregnancy. She still remembered him rushing into her office after he had been told by one of the nurses that she had fainted as she often did during all her pregnancies. He had fussed over her and pampered her, making her feel like a queen. If he could he would have wrapped her in cotton wool and she had enjoyed his attention and she even encouraged it. They got into the habit of sharing serious conversations and secrets whilst brainstorming over medical issues. They worked well together, their medical brains complementing each other and they became good friends. They had connected on an emotional level.

But they also connected on the physical level too. He would often put his arms around her shoulders and hug her too close to him, or take her hand and ask her to sit on his lap while they worked together. Now that was improper but she never refused. She never thought twice about the lavish restaurants he took her to during their lunch break and the way their serious conversations would shift towards the inappropriate as he told her about the intimate dirty stuff he did with his girlfriends. Those conversations would inflame her thoughts and fill her with a deep yearning. She had been physically attracted to him, she realised with a start. Josh had been right.

But she was never in love with him. Physically attracted yes...but not in love. It was similar to the flimsy attraction anyone had for an irresistibly handsome pop star or an actor, the same crazy madness Josh had to face in his career when fans thronged just to get a glimpse of him. The word superficial described it best. It was nothing like the deep and entrenched love she felt for her husband. She could definitely tell the difference between the two. She would be ready to die for one but not the other.

She had been playing with fire and she had brought all this misery on herself. She had teased out the violent half of Freddie when he finally realised that physical attraction and love were not one and the same thing. It dawned on him that Maria would never love him the way she loved Josh. His brother had outshone him again. That was the last straw to tip him into that crazy state. She remembered his intense pleasure with blood, violence and sex. There was definitely something mental about the way he had acted in Murren.

But Freddie was not malignant, she concluded. If he were he would not flip from extreme violence to genuine altruism in seconds. He was mentally sick. He had this double personality that his childhood had induced. He had experienced conflicting emotions from very early on in his life and he had continued to battle with them all throughout his existence. The love and hate feelings he had always felt for Josh had now been extrapolated on to her too. He loved her intensely but also despised her profoundly whenever she was unable to return that love. She had diagnosed the root of his illness. She had to address his childhood. He would need medications and support and she would go to the ends of the world to help him.

She had to make sure that the kind, gentle Freddie stayed. She would be able to talk him out of the violent one. She was sure that she could handle this until Josh came and then she would refer him to professional psychiatrists. But would Josh come for her? She had to believe and hang on the thought that he would listen to her, she had begged him to come, and he had always given in to her every wish and plea in the past even though it had been against his better judgement. But he would also find anything that would put her life in danger very painful to do.

She wished that she had listened to him and avoided Freddie. If she had, would this still have happened or would she be happy at home? And going back even further, if she had listened to him the night Ben was born, would she still be here? Josh had wanted to take her to hospital to check out her contractions, but she had downplayed her symptoms because she did not want him to miss his moment in the spotlight. She had thought that there was enough time, after all, the birth of her twins had lasted for more than ten hours. Yes, if she had listened to him, Ben would have been born in the security of a ward, away from Freddie. The resuscitation was the important key that had opened up the madness. Prior to that Freddie seemed to have accepted their union and he had only feebly attempted to break them apart.

But it was pointless to ruminate over the 'what ifs', there was nothing she could do about them, they were outside her influence now. All she could do was to learn from her mistakes and try to move on. Perhaps Freddie had been right, she was insolent and she never listened to Josh. She had been hard-headed from the start and had made his life very difficult. He had told her so himself.

Thinking of Josh made her heart twist and she had to clutch her chest in agony. She could not bear to live without him by her side. But now she had to stop the desperate tears because she did not want Freddie to know that she was crying. She would not be able to handle his wrath in her present state of mind. She had to stop thinking of Josh's face as they said their goodbyes or his face after one of his terrifying dreams. That would definitely make her cry. No, she wanted to remember his happy face as he watched her coming down the church aisle a long time ago in that deserted church deep in the English countryside. She wanted to remember his face as he slowly placed his hand on her pregnant belly and felt his children move beneath her skin. She wanted to remember his face when he held his children seconds after their birth. Yes, his face had said it all as he looked into her eyes and thanked her from the bottom of his heart.

She started to feel sleepy. She realised that she had not slept at all the night before. She tried to stay alert but the regular soft beat of Freddie's heart was lulling her into that false sense of security she should not be feeling here in his arms. She felt herself slowly drifting off to that magical island of Kemmuna. Josh was there by her side, lying on the sand as he played with her curls falling down her suntanned back. She could feel his happiness radiating out to her, washing her with bliss. She could hear his heartfelt laugh echoing around that silent beach. His arms were dragging her close to his body as his lips found hers. She was soon dreaming of her past happy life...a life that she herself had unwittingly shredded apart.

# The White Cell

Maria woke up with a jerk as the plane started to land. Freddie was sitting opposite her, intently studying her face. At some point he must have transferred her to her own seat. Fear started to well up inside her as she wondered what mood he was in. Then she noticed that she was wrapped in a warm blanket.

"You were cold," Freddie said, flashing his handsome smile at her. So far so good, though she knew that she shouldn't have slept so soundly. "Why were you smiling in your sleep?" he continued.

She did not want to answer that, so she looked away, hoping that he did not possess Josh's gift of reading right through her every thought. He didn't. He jumped to his own conclusions.

"I bet you were dreaming about my kiss. Maria, I think we have a very good start here. Subconsciously you might even want this. Dreams are nothing but suppressed desires, you know."

She shrugged and tried to smile shyly, wanting him to believe that he had hit the nail right on the head. He looked elated with that simple performance and he gently took her hand and helped her out of the plane. They walked hand in hand through a path deep in the forest. He was the bubbly happy Freddie again, cracking witty jokes as he helped her over the forest's uneven ground. Maria could not decide who was scarier, the violent Freddie or the friendly extrovert. The sweeter he was, the more violent he was likely to turn when she would eventually have to reject him.

The dark green canopy of the overhanging forest abruptly ended and the dazzling bright blue sky emerged. The path led them to the cliffside. She stopped. The cliffs were indeed exactly as Josh had described them, treacherous and steep. They looked even more so in real life than in the close-up photos. She shuddered. Josh's dreams were so accurate that she did not see herself escaping the cliff scene should he decide to come for her.

Freddie tugged her hand and they continued to walk along the cliff's edge towards a white house, the same house that Josh had seen in his dreams and she had seen in Marco's photos. She looked at her white prison and she was relieved to see someone standing just outside the door. She might persuade whoever it was to help her and Josh. If Freddie could bribe, so could she. There was also the pilot of the plane as well as two other men trudging along somewhere behind them. She might be able to buy her way out. Surely they were not all raving lunatics like Freddie.

The house loomed closer. She stopped dead and gasped with surprise. The person calmly leaning against the doorframe was none other than Phil. Was he helping his son or did he just discover his hideout and was about to talk some sense into him? Freddie's next sentence made all her optimism evaporate.

"Hi dad. Everything went according to plan. There were no tracking devices, I checked _every_ nook and cranny," he winked cheekily at Maria. Could he possibly think that she had enjoyed that humiliation? He had no insight. But he seemed oblivious to her unmasked expression of utter disbelief as he continued, "Josh didn't care that much, he didn't even bother to try to tag her, and she is even happy to be here. Their marriage had been rocky from the very start, just as you said. I don't think we will have any trouble from Josh now that we have given Ben back."

"We should still be vigilant. The cameras are being manned round the clock and Peter will tell us if anyone flies over or approaches by boat. The whole thing is airtight but you can never know. Ok Freddie, you can just go on ahead and show her to her room. I'll bring something up. Maria, you must be hungry after that long journey." Phil's eyes flicked down to Freddie's hand curled around hers and he beamed at her. Surely he was not as disillusioned as his son? She had no words to say. However, he must have seen her incredulous look because he stopped smiling and frowned as soon as Freddie's back was turned. He must be humouring his son; perhaps he would help her later on.

Freddie pulled her along a narrow corridor and opened a door. It was the white room Josh had so accurately described, the same room in which she would be imprisoned for the rest of her life and in which she would apparently embrace Freddie with a passion and give birth to his son. She felt sick and panicky. She reeled backwards and started to hyperventilate.

Freddie steadied her. "There is no need to panic. If you behave I will not have to lock you in here and you will have the whole island to explore with me. I can even take you out to the mainland from time to time. But for now it would be best if you stay in this room and do as I say. Dad will be back with some food. I'll give you some time to freshen up and then I will come again. I won't let you feel too lonely."

He bent down and started to kiss her. But her panic got the better of her. She heaved on his chest but he only drew her closer to him, his previously tender kisses now bruising her lips. Resisting was futile. He totally overpowered her and she could never hope to escape his iron grasp. She looked into his eyes; the warm blue colour was quickly changing. She had to get on top of her fear, and she moaned softly, hoping that she might fool him into thinking that she was now enjoying this. As soon as she stopped struggling, he abruptly let her go. Then, without another word, he exited the room and locked the door, but she could see from the set of his jaw and the fire in his eyes that his mood had flipped over once again.

She looked around the spacious room. The ceiling, walls and floorboards were whitewashed a brilliant dazzling white giving the impression that this was some untarnished piece of heaven. But there were no angels playing their harp welcoming her home. It was completely bare of any furniture except for a luxurious king-sized white bed, a chair and a small door leading to an en suite toilet and shower. It was like a prison cell tailor-made for her, with no windows and no sunshine and no way of escape. She felt like a trapped hare. She sank on the bed and buried her face in the pillow, letting her sobs pour out. She could easily see herself living in captivity here while Freddie came and went doing whatever pleased him, and she will eventually have his son. That thought made her sick.

She was so lost in her misery that she did not hear the door creak as it opened slowly.

"Come on, it's not that bad. Freddie is considered to be quite a catch," Phil told her as he placed a tray of food on the chair and sat down on the edge of her bed.

She sat up and flung her arms around his neck. "Oh Phil, I'm so glad you are here. Freddie needs psychiatric help. He has this double personality and he desperately needs medications. We should help him. You should help him before he hurts himself and others."

Phil unwound her arms from around his neck. "You must be naive if you think that I would betray my own Freddie, May's son. He is not mad; he just has some anger issues. He was really sorry that he had to hurt you two years ago but you were being rather difficult. If you do exactly what he says you will be fine. May died last month, did you know that?"

Maria shook her head. "I'm sorry, Phil."

"I will continue to protect him for the sake of her memory."

"Have you been protecting him from the start?" she asked, horrified at his betrayal.

"Who do you think provided all the cash for him to escape incarceration? Bribery does not come cheap. This is my island and he has been living here on and off. He is my son and I have a duty to protect him in the best way I can."

"Josh is your son too," she tried to remind him.

"No, no, no... Josh is my mistake. He was never meant to walk this earth and he himself knows that. Caris should have had that abortion. But having failed that, I should not have kept him so close to my family. It was mistake after mistake. Initially I never wanted to have anything to do with him but then I happened to bump into Julie in a park. She had this one-month-old baby and I was curious. I held him in my arms and something in his eyes drew me closer to him and he became my addiction. His impressive milestones baffled me, how could a child hold a perfect conversation at the age of one or read books at the age of two? But you must know how it feels, Ben is exactly like him. I wanted Josh in my life. I wanted to wonder at his phenomenal memory and know that he was half mine. And he never failed to amaze me. I hate to admit, but he grew up to become a better person than my own Freddie who is always so bent on revenge. But I am to blame for Freddie's behaviour, my love and pride for Josh must have clouded his childhood. Now I have to rectify my mistake, the mistake that shattered Freddie and destroyed May."

Maria hoped that her husband would never live to hear his own father repeatedly calling him _a mistake_. She knew that the fact that he was never wanted was one of his most painful thoughts that had plagued his mind ever since he was a little boy.

"But Aunt May would not want this. She loved Josh," she insisted.

"No, she didn't. She knew that Josh was my son all along, just as Freddie knew. She hated the fact that the son I shared with her sister was better than her own son and she set to destroy his spirit in an underhand way. Josh was always made to feel second best, unwanted and unloved. She used sly stinging comments and always ended her sentences with, ' _that poor boy Josh, no one wants him_ ' and she made sure he overheard everything. Freddie always got the better piece of cake and practically got whatever else he wanted, while Josh had to be happy with leftovers, and he was grateful for that little generosity. He did not even suspect that she was more evil than his own mother. At least his mother never tried to hide her hatred, but his aunt poisoned his mind slowly while she put on that caring kind mask. I must say that both sisters managed to crush his spirit quite well. I often wondered why he always left our house every Sunday even more depressed than the week before. Of course Julie loved him like her own son, but whatever was built during the week was rapidly destroyed by May on Sunday. I wish I had realised that this was going on, I would have sent him far away from us.....for his own sake."

Phil paused as guilt overwhelmed him. His voice shook, "But the two sisters were not alone in their mission. I unwittingly joined the crowd too. His mother, his aunt, Freddie and I....we all played a hand in crushing his living soul. When he was a boy he often talked about his feelings of worthlessness. He used to confide in me, he tried to reach out for help.....but I did not give him any. And neither did you," he added with contempt. "You are as guilty as the rest of us. You did nothing to smother his burning feelings. I have seen the way he reacts around you. He would give you the world if he could and he readily accepted that it would always be a one-way street. He has never had any love from his parents and he expects nothing from you or anyone else, perhaps not even from his own children. I guess it is true that our childhood does dictate the rest of our lives."

Maria gasped. Phil was right; her husband's childhood issues were still very much present in their marriage but she had done very little to help him overcome them. They had been there on the table from the very start of their relationship. She remembered his persistent marriage proposals and her constant refusals. That must have taken a lot out of him, making him feel more and more unworthy of her love. He even resorted to publicly asking her to marry him after he had won his Oscar, ' _Just say yes to my ring...'_ he begged in front of the whole world. But she still said no. She remembered his comment way back in her apartment in Cambridge, "... _Perhaps you are right, I'm not worth loving_." At that time she had not even tried to convince him otherwise.

Then she kicked him out when she was pregnant with the twins. He phoned and left thousands of pleading messages but she herself never tried to bridge the gap because she wanted him to grovel his way back to her. Any other person would have sent her packing, but no, he came back and he was ready to freeze to death outside her door. It was only after he turned into this pathetic defeated man and told her that he would accept anything she wished to hand out to him that she grudgingly said yes to his marriage proposal. He was back to his childhood, accepting any scrap of generosity from his relatives and he was grateful for that tiny bit. That really must have shattered his already low self-esteem. Moreover, he had apologised, perhaps more than a million times for leaving her to cope with her pregnancy on her own. He was again transported to his childhood, blaming himself just as everyone blamed him in every fight he had had with Freddie.

Now what had he said about blame the night she forced him to visit Caris in hospital? She had admonished him for his unforgiving attitude towards his dying mother and he had said "...Yes _blame Josh, he is always the bad guy. Everybody else does it, so why not join the queue..."_ That night he had really begged her not to shove him back to his traumatic childhood, "......" _Maria, stop making me do things that I know would hurt me. I know my mother, she has no love to give me, and she will only give me venom..."_ But she kept on insisting. Why had she done that? Why, because she liked the simple fact that he usually did whatever she asked of him, even when her requests were outrageous and painful. And of course that day he had done exactly that.

As he always did on every other occasion. He thought that her flimsy love would not withstand any resistance from his end. So he would give in to her every wish and afterwards he would wordlessly clean the mess her actions had created. Her insistence on working with his brother was one such case in point...and he was still cleaning the mess after all those years.

It was true that she did tell him that she loved him but her subtle actions must have contradicted her words. He must have studied her body language, just as he had always done, and drawn his own conclusions. Subconsciously she even encouraged him to think that way because she wanted that insecure child to remain locked inside him, just to compensate for his god-like physical perfection. She thought that it was the only way to keep him hanging on to her apron strings. She had treated him worse than any of her patients. She periodically took him back to his childhood and he must have thought that the world would never change for him. He was still second best, unworthy and unloved and he had to be grateful for every little scrap he received. No wonder he believed his dream that she would one day kiss Freddie passionately. His dashing brother could easily overturn the physical love he thought she had for him.

Phil had opened her eyes to her blatant shortcomings. She had to have her second chance with Josh. She had to openly address his insecurities with the help of a psychiatrist because she had obviously failed him miserably. Both Freddie and her husband needed professional help to overcome the traumatic scars their dysfunctional childhood had left in their lives.

"Please Phil, help me out. I've caused him more pain than anyone else. I am no better than his own mother. Phil, you have to give me that second chance to help my husband."

"I'm sorry Maria, I want _my_ second chance with Freddie. I too have to rebuild what I destroyed. I have promised May on her deathbed that I would help our son, whatever it takes. I owe it to her after all I have done. Did you know how painful it was to watch her slowly die as she cried for her only son who was unable to be there because he was on the run?"

"Listen Phil, you are not helping Freddie by doing this. A life on the run is not the best life for him. He is a brilliant doctor and he should be out there doing what he does best. He just needs medications and psychiatric help. We can give it to him and he will get better."

"Maria, you have not understood my motive behind all this. I don't care about his medical career. I have not just promised May that I would help Freddie....I have vowed that I will not let her die. Her blood will live on in Freddie's children. It is time for him to stop messing around and think of his duty towards life, towards May. Existence has just one purpose, the propagation of one's line, the legacy that ensures immortality. It is the basic survival law that is ingrained deep inside every animal on earth. Take the alpha stag and how hard he fights for his territory, his females, his own offspring. And Freddie wants you. Maria, understand that this was my plan, not Freddie's, but mine."

"If I had not come would you have allowed him to kill Ben, your own flesh and blood, your own grandchild, your legacy?"

"Yes, if that is what it takes. But Ben was never in any danger, I know you too well." Phil stood up and delivered the final blow. "Besides, why do you want to go back to Josh? You never loved him. If you had you would never have cheated on him in some filthy restroom with his own brother...."

"That's rich coming from you. You betrayed May with her sister in her own home..."

"And I'm paying dearly for that mistake," he roared. "Maria, think about this...Perhaps Josh is better off without you. He could start afresh and finally find someone who could make him feel secure and loved...something you never achieved in your five or six years of marriage. Perhaps keeping you here will eventually make both my sons happy."

****

Maria stared at the ceiling, feeling very numb. Phil's conversation had severely wounded her because it did contain threads of truth inside it. She did deserve every syllable of that harsh accusation. But she had no more tears left to shed, so she slipped the family photo out of her jeans pocket. She looked at her children, now motherless. Josh would look after them, he always had. He was a far better parent than her.

She heard the key in the lock turning and she quickly sat up and put the photo back in her pocket. It was Freddie. He brought with him that irresistible smell of masculine aftershave. He was immaculately dressed as usual, with his dark suit and tie accentuating his finely chiselled features and slender athletic build. This was why she had enjoyed flirting with him so much. But flirting was all she had wanted to do.

He saw the untouched food and scowled. He put the tray on the floor and sat down with a sigh.

"You really should eat something. You would like it here if you try. Here, go and put this on," and he dumped a bundle of black lace on her bed. She just stared at it, not moving.

"NOW," he shouted with a mad glint in his icy blue eyes.

"Freddie, you said that you would wait and give me time to adjust."

"I lied. You lied too; no amount of time would ever help you to adjust."

She tried again, "We can talk. Tell me what's on your mind, why are you feeling so angry?"

"I am not in the mood for one of your soul-searching sessions....unless you are offering really good sex to anyone who manages to survive that tedious sermon. But I don't think you are, so go and put that on." But she did not move.

"Very well, you want this the hard way. You would have enjoyed it. It might even have been better than Josh. You'll see, you will soon be screaming for more." Freddie shrugged and rose from the chair. He sat on her bed, facing her, his faultless refined features only inches from hers, his powerful masculine aura engulfing all her senses. Maria squeezed her eyes shut, preparing herself for a brutal beating, but it never came. He just stared at her for a long time, drawing out her terror. She felt cornered, she had nowhere to run and she could not fight back. It was inevitable. She thought of the fair-haired, blue-eyed boy Josh had seen and she felt that now familiar hysterics spilling out from her very core, making her gasp for air.

Freddie put his head back and laughed out loud, amused at her unconcealed distress. He reached out and began to unfasten her shirt, button by button until she was half naked before him. His warm breath brushed her flushed cheek as he firmly pushed her down flat on the bed. He buried his face in her neck and breasts, bruising her with his hunger. She tried to push him off her chest but he silently grabbed her wrists and, using his tie, he tied her hands firmly to the iron bedpost. Then he started to slide down her jeans, bit by bit, calmly and slowly. She didn't even try to fight him off, and eventually she lost her last piece of protection.

"Please Freddie, I don't want this," she sobbed.

" _You_ may not want it but your body certainly does. And I can definitely tell. Now, you don't want to make me really mad, do you? Just think of your four children in your cottage being blown up to pieces, I may not want to kill Josh, but I said nothing about his children." Her big brown eyes widened. He saw the horror followed closely by resignation. He knew how to get to her. He smiled. "I don't want to force myself in every time. I don't like that and it makes me feel frustrated when it's all over. Make it easier for me.....let me have a better look.... That's it, good girl."

Maria bit her trembling lower lip as she endured his skilled seduction. She fought hard against the emerging emotions that started to play across her mind, desire and disgust, lust and guilt, pleasure and horror, conflicting emotions that were twisted together like two complementary flavours on an ice cream cone. Her heart started to beat faster and faster, her mouth getting drier and drier as that hot flush spread wildly. She tried to hold on to her sanity. Why was he doing this to her when it could be over in seconds? Why did he want her satisfaction so badly?

"I'm finally getting through to you Maria, and you know it. Close your eyes. That's it baby, think of nothing but the strange fire that is smouldering deep inside you," he whispered seductively in her ear. "It's spreading wildly, consuming you and it feels so good. Yes baby, you're almost there. Now invite me in, make me happy," he said with confidence.

The final piece of the puzzle fell in place. He wanted her to lose all inhibitions and betray Josh voluntarily...just as she had done on that wild Christmas night. He never wanted to rape her because Murren had left that bitter taste in his mouth. That day his victory had not been complete. Revenge would taste sweeter if she wanted this too. She clenched her teeth with resentment. Blinding anger overshadowed all her lust, fear, reason or restraint. She would never betray her husband again, at least not in her heart. That was what she had promised him. She knew how to stop Freddie. She lashed out viciously as she spat in his face, "You can never be like Josh, he is better than you could ever hope to be. Face it Freddie, your baby bastard brother will always outshine you in every little thing that you do. Leave me alone and stop touching me, just get on with it, you miserable sadist. Forget it, you will have to force me into it because I will never betray Josh again."

He rammed his fist in her face, once, twice, three times, in rapid succession. She felt her right cheekbone crack and her vision blurred. No, not her eyesight....she panicked and struggled, but still his clenched fist rained down until finally she felt him kick his trousers off and violently force himself on her. It was all over within minutes.

She felt him rise. She could hear him panting with anger as he zipped up his trousers.

"Ok, one of your kids will have to go for that. I'll start with the youngest. It's Sarah, isn't it? Ok say goodbye to cute little Sarah." He picked up the phone.

"NO, NO," she screamed. "Freddie, please I swear I won't do that again. Forgive me Freddie, please, I promise it will be different next time. Please forgive me." She tied to struggle out of her constraints but his silk tie would not give way. Her hands were white and numb and the persistent transparent curtain over the right side of her field of vision kept producing double images of his livid face. The brutal punches must have torn her retina but she didn't care. Her baby daughter, she had to save her baby daughter.

"I will not give you second chances. Do you understand?" He viciously flung his phone at her face and started to pace nervously around the room. He looked agitated as he wrung his hands in despair. He had not wanted it to end that way. He glanced at her bleeding right cheekbone and grimaced. He hated himself and he wept bitterly as he repeatedly punched the solid wall, making his knuckles bleed heavily.

Maria too started to cry. It was touching to see such a promising, brilliant, young doctor in such a pitiful state. All her anger and fear disintegrated. She shouldn't have tipped him into his madness. His illness had dictated what he had just done and none of that was his fault. "Freddie, please stop hurting yourself. It's Ok. We can work through this. We can do this together. Everything is going to be fine. Freddie STOP. Come here." Her tone was gentle and firm.

He stopped and ran his blooded fingers through his fine blonde hair. He stood still, facing the wall. He finally turned round to face her. His piercing blue eyes broke her heart.

"It's Ok Freddie. Come here." She desperately tried to dispel the heavy lump in her throat.

He walked slowly towards the bed and untied her hands. He looked at the bleeding laceration over her cheek bone and touched it gently. "I'll fix that, it needs only a couple of sutures. It won't show," he said hoarsely. "What is it?" he asked as he saw her repeatedly blink in the vain attempt to stop the images from splitting into two.

"I'm fine, it's nothing." The retinal tear would eventually heal. She was not going to distress him over it. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him. "Freddie please, forget what I just said. It was uttered in anger and it is nothing but a lie. Josh doesn't always outshine you. You have good qualities too, different qualities but just as good. And I'll help you see that, I promise. I care about you a lot, much more than you think."

"But you don't love me."

"Not in the way you want me to. But I love you in a different way. I do genuinely want you to get better and I'll stay with you until you do, I promise."

He continued to hug her close to him as he ran his hands though her curls falling down her back. His phone started to ring. He ignored it but it was persistent. He finally let go. He leaned over her and grabbed the phone that he had flung at her face a few minutes earlier.

Maria looked at his darkening stare. The really crazy Freddie was emerging again, he was murderous, he had flipped over once more...and so soon after she had finally got through to him. She hastily moved to the side of the bed away from him. She grabbed her jeans and, trembling violently, she slid her legs through them.

"OK, I'll meet you near the boat," he said.

Maria sighed, Josh had come for her. Tears of relief started to roll down her cheeks. Freddie looked at her with deep loathing. He pounced on her and wound his strong fingers around her delicate, fragile neck.

"You lied, you filthy whore. You were never going to stay with me until I got better. How does Josh know where to find you every time? Where did he implant the chip in you?" He squeezed harder and she felt her consciousness slip away. He loosened his grip and she sucked in a precious mouthful of air before he started squeezing again. Then he abruptly let go. He grasped her hair and dragged her out of the bed. She tried to grab her shirt but he jerked her head and continued to drag her out of the room and down a long corridor. She stumbled down a flight of steps, her impaired vision causing her to miscalculate the distance between the steps but Freddie never released his hold on her hair or waited for her to catch up either. He just pulled her along as her hair painfully peeled away from her scalp. He ran down a long passageway, only pausing to grab a pistol from one of the basement rooms. They eventually emerged into the bright sunshine onto a path halfway down the cliff face.

Freddie looked up. He could just about see Josh and Marco starting to slide down the steep incline towards the path. "I should have killed him when I could, there on that runway with his son." He aimed his pistol at his brother who was a good distance away but Freddie had always had an impeccable aim.

Maria instantly knew that she would fall from that very spot; the lethal ledge Josh had pointed out stood less than a storey down below them, and soon she would be hanging on to it. But she had no fear. Josh would not die for her today. Without any hesitation she lunged at Freddie and the shot lost its target. Freddie instinctively pushed her away. She reeled over the edge of the path, lost her footing and tumbled down. She only just managed break her fall some two storeys down as she hung on to a nearby shrub. She held her breath, and then the roots started to slowly peel away, one by one.

Freddie looked at her from above. He turned to run down the path towards his waiting speedboat. But then he stopped and his face changed. He started to slide down the treacherous cliffside towards her, "Maria, there is a foothold there on your left. Try to swing towards it. Do it for Josh," he shouted.

"I can't move my leg. I think it's broken." She clenched her teeth in pain and tried, but her impaired vision was making her dyspraxic, she kept overshooting or undershooting her mark. A few more roots gave way and she screamed, "Help me Freddie, I don't want to die."

"Look at me Maria; you are not going to die, not today, is that clear?"

She nodded, wanting to believe him. Freddie continued to slide down the cliff face until he was close enough. He managed to find a secure footing and he took hold of her hand and heaved her up towards him. Then he lifted her off her feet and started his laborious climb back towards the path. He was confident that he could do this; rock climbing was one of the many sports he had excelled in. But the fragile rock face was turning the whole exercise into a nightmare. The ledges crumbled and groaned under their combined weight, giving him less than a few seconds to hop onto fresh footholds. He managed to tackle the first half of the fall in less than five minutes. They had the last storey to go. But Maria's dead weight coupled with the fast pace he had to keep was tiring him out.

He looked up; Josh had almost reached the path. Encouraged, Freddie jumped onto the next foothold. His foot slipped and he only just managed to regain his balance. They had to redistribute their weight fast.

"Maria, Josh is just above you. Drag yourself up on that ledge and try to move towards that cave. Quick, this ledge we're standing on will not support both our weights for much longer. Come on." He started pushing her up, urging her to climb forward. With great difficulty she managed to curl her fingers in a crack in the rock face and haul herself up. She looked down at Freddie. His foot slipped again.

"Freddie, take my hand," but as she extended her left hand, a shower of clay tumbled down on him, her own ledge was crumbling. She screamed.

"Don't move Maria. Stay put. Josh will help you up." He desperately looked around for a different foothold for himself but in that split second of hesitation his ledge groaned and cracked, tipping him off balance. He kept looking at her as he plunged to his death down the cliff. She screamed hysterically, too paralysed to move.

"Oh God, FREDDIE...FREDDIE, NO, NO, NO...Josh, help me, I don't want to die too, don't leave me, I don't want to die...." She kept screaming over and over again.

"Maria, you have to move to the right, take a deep breath and calm down. Do it for me," Josh was saying directly above her. But she continued to scream as pain and panic gripped her body. She had broken down mentally.

Josh could not see the shallow cave from where he was standing but he knew that it was there. He had seen this mission succeeding and that was why he had attempted it. He confidently walked some paces to the side and blindly crawled backwards over the overhanging edge. He repeatedly swung his body inwards, again and again, trying to give himself enough momentum. He let go on the inward sweep. His feet landed on solid ground...but only just. He started to edge himself towards her and he managed to place his hands round her waist as the cliff face began to crumble. He pressed her close to him. He had just made it with no seconds to spare. But he had defied destiny yet again and the dream of the mourning Josh and children disappeared. He nimbly edged back inside the shallow cave.

He now had time to look at her. He sat her down on the floor of the cave and he took off his jacket and covered her, "Now that's the second time I had to give you my jacket," he laughed. "You can stop crying now. It's all over." He held her close, comforting her.

"Thank you for coming for me. I thought that you were going to leave me here with Freddie," she sobbed.

"I always do what you tell me to. You must have realised that by now." He continued to hold her until her sobs slowly subsided. He lightly traced his finger over the bruises in her neck where Freddie had roughly kissed her. Her state of semi-nudity could only mean one thing, but he had to ask. "Was I too late? Did he..."

She heard the pain in his voice. "No, you were exactly on time, down to the last minute. Nothing happened," she lied. She so wished that it had happened that way. He didn't need to know. Maria looked up into his eyes. She stopped. She shouldn't lie to him anymore. "I'm sorry Josh, that's not true. We....he.......just a few minutes before they spotted your descent." She looked away.

Why was she avoiding his eyes? "It is good to know that while I was jumping off a plane, risking my neck for you, you were having the time of your life with Freddie," he said acidly.

Her temper flared up and she hit him on his chest. "Josh, how dare you? He brutally used me as his punch bag and he fractured my cheekbone and ripped my retina apart. Then he raped me. After it was all over he broke down and he started to cry and hurt himself. And you think that was fun?"

"I'm sorry." He touched her swollen right eye. "Will the retina heal?"

"I think so," she snapped. "But until it does, I can't focus on anything and I keep seeing this moving curtain in front of my right eye. And I've broken my ankle during the fall too."

"Forgive me, Maria," he apologized again. "That was unfair on you. I'm fine with whatever happened between you two."

He bent down to kiss her and she felt relief wash over her. Thank God for Josh, he always forgave her. But then she remembered Phil's observation. She had done what she always did, turn the table on him and make him feel guilty. And he had reacted like he always did, step back, take all the blame on himself and give her whatever she wanted, otherwise he would have nothing. His kiss was going to cloud her thoughts again and she would not be able to tell him what was on her mind. She had to tell him now, this very second. She had been very close to death's door and she had learnt never to procrastinate. She might never get her second chance with him.

"Josh, it's not OK. Don't apologise for things I should be apologising to. You can be angry with me."

"Honestly it's fine," he insisted, smiling broadly at her.

"Josh, stop smiling at me, you know it distracts me. Deep down you don't believe me when I tell you that I love you. You think that you do not deserve me and you are afraid that my love would disappear the second you go against my wishes. But you are grateful for any kind of love I can give you even if you think it is physical and shaky. Please stop acting around me."

He stopped smiling. "What happened to you? My smile or kiss has not fuzzed you out today. I have lost my two most powerful weapons." He took a deep breath, "You're right; I sometimes find it hard to believe that your love is anything more than physical, even after all these years of marriage. But I really don't want you to confirm my fears. At least not now." There was genuine trepidation in his eyes as he searched her face for any signs.

"Josh, you are deeply mistaken. I am the one who never deserved you; I have been selfish and demanding and have taken advantage of your heart. But I truly love you for nothing else but for being you. But I know that for the time being these words will not penetrate your barrier. These insecurities and emotions are all linked with your childhood and I would really like to address this when we go home even if we have to discuss it with Dr Bell. Please Josh, say that you'll agree to have some sessions with her."

"So now _I_ need a psychiatrist." He passed his fingers through his hair and sighed, "All right, I'll make an appointment as soon as we go back home."

"Don't say it's all right if you don't really want to go. You can go against my wishes, you know."

He laughed, "You are confusing me now, what do you want me to say, I'll see a psychiatrist or I'll never see one? Listen Maria, we can discuss this later as much as you like but right now all I want is to get off this island and sail off in that boat. Besides, Marco is probably listening to our cosy conversation and is patiently waiting to haul us up on a rope. I promise I will tackle this issue. You are right, I need to face my fears. Shall we go now?"

She nodded. He tied Marco's rope around their waists and he slowly crawled back up with Maria clinging to his neck. They soon reached the safety of the path. He effortlessly lifted her in his arms and started walking down towards the shore. He could hardly wait to sail off the cursed island and leave all his nightmares behind. He could see the white coats of the medical team on the approaching boat or rather small ship. He had hired some ten emergency consultants and surgeons, the best in different specialities, together with more than twenty paramedics. They had cost the earth. Marco had laughed at his extravagance but he was not taking any chances. As it turned out all those precautions were unnecessary.

"Someone will look at your ankle and eye as soon as we're on the boat. At least those white coats would have something to do. They were expecting a battered and bleeding body and they have set up a mini hospital inside that boat, operating theatre and all."

"Really? Gosh you think of everything. Josh ... I'm really sorry for being so difficult all the time. I realised that I never listen to you or to anyone else for that matter. But you are always so patient with me. I swear that from now on I will do whatever you want me to. No questions asked."

"I'm really glad to hear that and I will remind you of it sometime soon I'm sure. I will give you only a couple of days before you go back to protesting that your way is the only way. But from where did all these apologies spring from? Is it confession time?"

"I just want to grab my chances and tell you how much I love you. My close call to death scared me. I got my second chance; I might not get it again."

He smiled at her. He had reached the end of the path and he could see that the boat had docked on the pontoon. Marco had sprinted off in front of them and was preparing everything to take off immediately. Josh looked anxiously at the boat, his ticket to freedom. He could not shrug off that niggling feeling. But what could possibly happen? He had seen Freddie's body from above and he knew that he was dead, and four of Marco's burly detectives had parachuted down to the shore and captured three of Freddie's henchmen as they prepared for their quick getaway in their speedboat. The mercenaries had just given up without a fight.

The sight of his own boat waiting to take them off to the horizon managed to expel that ominous feeling and he started to run towards it.

It was then that he saw Phil blocking his way.

# Vindictive Twist of Fate

"Don't come any closer Josh," Phil said as he lifted his arm and pointed a gun straight at his son's heart. "Put Maria down and move away from her. Don't worry, I will not harm her. I have just two bullets left; one is for you and the other for me."

Josh slowly put Maria down on the sand and walked away from her, all the time looking at the pistol which was closely following his movements. Some voice inside his head told him to fight back; he could easily overpower his aging father. But this was surely a mistake, Phil would never hurt him, he just wanted to talk and grieve for his older son. But how did he get to know about it so soon? His mind went blank. He could not understand what was happening or rather he did not want to understand what was happening.

He heard Maria's voice from somewhere behind him, "Oh Josh, I forgot to tell you that he was helping Freddie. Phil, put the gun down. He's your son too. Just remember how much you loved him when he was a boy."

But Phil looked somewhat deranged, "If you move, Maria, I will blow his brains out this very second, bam, no discussions and no explanations."

Maria immediately stopped limping towards her husband.

Phil's voice shook, "May died last month and now you have killed our only son. I promised her plenty of grandchildren, his children, so that she will never die. And Freddie wanted Maria. All he ever wanted was to start a family with her and now you have killed him."

"Phil," Maria interjected. "Please, Phil, you are not thinking straight. Have you ever asked yourself why he wanted me when he could have had anyone? It was because Josh loved me. Freddie never loved me, he was just obsessed with the object that made his brother happy. And he killed himself with his determination for revenge. Josh had nothing to do with it."

"I'm not having this discussion with you, whore. Don't make me use the second bullet on you." Phil's arm swung menacingly towards her.

"I don't need you to fight my battles, Maria. Just shut up." Josh had never used that tone with her. "Hey Phil, look at me. Look at me, Phil."

Phil's arm swung back and Josh sighed with relief. "What did you expect me to do, Phil? Give him my wife on a silver platter just because he is used to having whatever takes his fancy? You made Freddie sick with the twisted obnoxious childhood you wanted to immerse us in. Perhaps if you had been honest about it there wouldn't have been all this pain and vengeance brewing around us. I never asked to come into this world. I had no control on what my parents did in a filthy broom cupboard."

"I know that," he bellowed. "You were my mistake, a mistake that hurt my May and killed my Freddie. You were never meant to exist; now I must clean up my mistake."

Josh closed his eyes. The familiar wounds in his heart started to bleed again. He was transported back to his childhood, to his mother's yearly visits. She too had told him repeatedly that he was a mistake. He had somehow endured that, hoping that his father would actually feel differently about him. But that illusion was now permanently shattered. He did not want to run or fight back, he just wanted it to end.

"Dad, get on with it. Do it for Freddie and May. We have nothing else to discuss." He opened his eyes and calmly watched his father's finger curl around the trigger. He heard the click followed closely by the bang. Insurmountable burning pain scorched his chest, eating away at his insides. He looked down and stared at the spreading red stain across his white shirt. He staggered backwards and, as he hit the ground, he heard this second shot. Then Maria started screaming beside him.

"Don't leave me Josh, you never told me that you might get hurt today, I would not have wanted you to come. Just hold on, the kids need you, I need you, we all need you. You must keep on fighting. Don't you even think of giving up, you can't leave me, I will not let you leave me. I love you Josh," she cried as she fell across his bloodied chest.

He looked at her face all twisted in agony. He reached out and touched her hair. He had always liked the feel of those soft curls slipping through his fingers. He tried to smile. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that it was all right, she would move on without him and would someday find her happiness, but he could not find enough strength to say what was on his mind. His breathing was failing. The pain was unbearable.

He had never seen this coming, but again, this world was never meant to be his.

He looked up at the cloudless blue sky as his life flashed before his eyes. He was grateful for every second of it. It was much more than he ever deserved. He was happy. He smiled. He let go of her hair, closed his eyes and willed himself to leave that burning flame behind.

He saw his body from a distance. Maria was desperately trying to pump his heart back to life. Marco's holler for help echoed around the cliffs as he ran towards the bleeding wreck. There was profound horror on his friend's face...Marco, his friend, his closest friend, they had become inseparable these past two years and he knew that his death would shatter him. Perhaps, perhaps his friend would continue to protect Maria and the children. He could not think of a better person to do that. He felt no jealousy; he only wanted her to be happy and safe. He wanted her to move on and live her life to the fullest.

So, the bloody broken body on the beach in his dream was his own. That was the significance of the black mist surrounding the body; he had looked on it through his own dying eyes. He had organised the extravagant medical team for his own benefit. The vindictive twist of fate; he had managed to change Maria's destiny but in so doing he had opened a new path for himself. The grieving Josh would be replaced by the grieving Maria. They were never meant to live together beyond this point.

"You are wrong." The tall dark-haired man stood beside him. Josh could see and hear him clearly. He had never been able to hear him before. He must have died.

"Josh, you were never meant to die today. You have gathered a wonderful team here, the crème de la crème, the best surgeons and paramedics, only the best for your wife, and it is nothing that they can't handle immediately. You have to go back. Remember your dreams; there was never a hint that you would die; injured and in need of urgent medical help yes, but never death. I must ask you to embrace destiny this time. From now on you have to keep on going with the flow of fate."

Josh remembered his dreams; there was either a grieving Josh and children, or a happy family visiting a family grave. There had never been a crying Maria.

"All right, it's not destiny. But I'm not going back. She can start afresh. She can do that. I've seen her with Freddie in my dreams and if she could manage to lust for him after what he did to her in Murren, she could easily have the same feelings for anyone else. She doesn't need me."

"You have misinterpreted what you have seen in your dreams, it was not passion but fear. He would have threatened her with killing you and your children and she would have done everything to prevent that, even fake her love for him. Did you not also see her caress your photo just a few minutes before Freddie came into the room? Don't let your jealousy dictate what you interpret from your dreams. If you go back ask her why she was screaming her head off when she boarded that plane. Just look at her now. Do you honestly think that she can move on? I know my daughter and she will only love one man in her life and that is you."

"Huh, love only one man in her life, I wish," he roared as he clenched his hands in tight fists. "Then tell me, why did she betray me with my own brother in some restroom? He wasn't threatening her then."

"She stopped...."

"I don't care. It still happened. And she must have done something else today too. She looked as guilty as hell."

"I brought her up in innocence and love. She was not prepared for your world of glamour, perfection, cunning and manipulation. It overwhelmed her. Freddie had to play with her mind before he seduced her. He told her about you and Pam before moving in on her on the dance floor, and today he threatened to kill her kids. But I think that she handled Freddie quite well on both occasions. Stopping in both situations was not easy."

"Stopping is not important. It should never have happened in the first place." He growled as he punched the air in exasperation and kicked viciously at the sand. The psychiatrist just looked on as the young man continued to vent the frustration that had been locked up all those years. This was a first for Josh. When he was a boy he never spoke to anyone about the wounds in his heart that bled profusely every time he was rejected. And after he got married he never confronted his wife about her small subtle actions which were hurting him so much. He had kept everything bottled up. No wonder it was now overflowing.

"That's it Josh, get it out of your system. You are allowed to get angry at the world, or at your wife, or at me. You don't have to keep it all in. Sometimes it feels good to shout and scream and above all, to talk about it."

Josh stopped fuming and laughed heartily. He fell down on the sand and spread his arms and legs. He had always enjoyed doing angels in the sand whilst looking up at the endless infinity above him. He had often wondered if there was anyone up there in the sky watching him. Today his guardian angel was down here beside him.

"Oh, you are good...the best psychiatrist that ever existed...the crème de la crème. You got me just as you used to get me every time when I was five. I used to feel really great after a good solid conversation with you. Why did you stop those sessions? You could have helped me a lot, you know."

"I know Josh."

"I felt really let down when you left. There I was, I had finally found someone who cared about me, who understood me, and then he just left, because his family circumstances dictated him to do so. I was never on top of anyone's pile, always second best. Your departure hurt as much as my mother's repeated rejections."

"I know that too and I'm sorry. But destiny wanted it that way. Now it is calling you back. You don't have much time left, they can't keep shocking your heart. What are you going to do Josh?"

Josh looked at the desperate, hysterical Maria still trying to bring his heart back to life.

"Josh, stop thinking about the small subtle things she used to do to hurt you. She only acted that way because she felt _she_ never deserved you. It was her way of lashing out against your physical perfection and superior intellect. Think about the big things she did. You had once asked her "...Surely _you still do not want to go through with this madness just to spend a few more years with me?_ " ...And she chose to stay with you even though you repeatedly warned her of the dangers. Splitting up was never an option for her. She wanted that short happy life with you rather than that long empty life without you. And she chose you again today when she thwarted Freddie's shot out on the cliffs. She knew that she was about to fall, she had recognised the ledge, but she was prepared to die for love. Josh, just remember what I wrote in that black diary many years ago. This is the time when you must believe that there are people who really love you for who you are and for nothing else. You are on top of someone's pile...hers. Start believing in yourself. You have to go back, son."

A shrill unearthly scream stunned them. Both men looked round. Josh was horrified to see Ben shrieking in fear. His son must be in one of his dreams and they must have met in this weird tertiary world where the dead and the "freaks" met and exchanged information. Josh did not move. He saw his father-in-law quickly run to the boy and hug his head close to his chest as he whispered soothingly in his ear. The psychiatrist must be working overtime that day. But Ben was inconsolable. Josh wanted to go to him but he had already lost a lot of time. He had a choice to make.

He looked at the sorry picture. The medics were giving up on him but Maria wasn't. Marco put his arms around her waist and tried to drag her away from the corpse but she lashed out and tried to break free.

"Don't give up on him; he is all I've got. JOSH, you have to come back to me, I know that you can hear me. I love you Josh. I always have and I always will."

He had to go back to that burning pain as the bullet tore his insides; he would endure that pain which would get better someday as it got replaced by that happy glow in his heart as he looked on his family again.

Josh dived back into that thick black torture chamber inside his body and his heart started beating again.

****

Josh opened his eyes. He was on this neat white bed in a neat sterile room. She was there beside him, holding his hand. There were tubes sticking out of every inch of his body and he could hear his heart beating on the monitor and the drip drop of his intravenous line. Every breath he took was accompanied by this tearing pain in his side. He wished that he could stop breathing, if that was what it took to relieve the pain.

"Thank God, you've made it. Josh, you have to keep on going for me, I can't survive without you." There was relief in her exhausted voice. How long had he been there? He tried to lift his hand to touch her hair but the tearing pain stopped him. He squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth in agony.

"I'll give you something for the pain, it will soon go away. You will get better, you'll see," she reassured him. He heard her fill out a syringe. He felt her warm hands against his ice-cold skin as she injected the fluid. His pain slowly receded and he opened his eyes. She was speaking to him in her gentle voice but he could not understand what she was saying. Her face gradually faded away in the distance as his eyelids drooped and she was gone.

Josh hovered in and out of consciousness for days. He could feel her presence whenever he briefly surfaced for mere seconds. She never gave up on him and she fervently clutched onto those priceless seconds as she encouraged him on. Sometimes Julie would be there too. She would often hold his hand and stroke his hair just as she used to do whenever he was sick. He remembered his birthdays and the way she always used to hold him tight and kiss his pain away after his other mother had left that big wound in his heart. He never spoke to her about it but she knew what he needed more than anything in the world. He was Julie's son and he will remain to be so in his heart.

He was obscurely aware of various other people in and out of his room, examining him, changing the dressings over his wound and setting up fresh intravenous lines. He could feel Maria shaving his face every morning and adjusting his pillows and sobbing when it must have been too much for her. But it all felt so distant and muddled. After two weeks in that limbo the complications kicked in and he started to shake all over. His debilitated state made him susceptible to various bacteria. This resulted in endless blood sampling and intravenous antibiotics. For the following weeks his body would constantly alternate between periods of intense cold and shaking, and periods of intense heat and sweating.

Josh felt those familiar shivers running down his spine. His temperature was on the rise again. He could vaguely hear Maria talking to someone in the room. She sounded on the verge of collapse.

"He's been spiking for weeks now and he is conscious for not more than a couple of seconds a day. And you could hardly call it consciousness, he just opens his eyes...he doesn't speak or move or anything. Rob, there must be something we're missing."

So Rob was there. They must have shipped him back to the UK.

"What do you expect? He is lucky to be alive. The bullet pierced his left lung, scraped his heart, tore through major arteries and lodged in his spine. You said he arrested for some five minutes out on the island and the resulting hypoxia might have affected his brain. We cannot know the whole extent of the damage until he fully breaks out of his comatose state. It is possible that he might never regain his full cognitive function. And to top that all up he now has this bug which is resistant to every antibiotic we throw at it. Let's hope we've nailed it this time."

"He is still spiking..."

"But not as much as he was. Here, take a look at his chart. There is marked improvement today. Maria, we are doing our best."

She broke down crying.

"Maria, please, have faith in us. You need to get out of this room, go home and rest. You look absolutely ghastly. Anna told me that you fainted again yesterday."

"It's nothing. I get it every time. I'll be fine after tomorrow."

Rob sighed, "Shouldn't you wait to discuss this with him?" One of the monitors started bleeping. "Oh, damn it, his blood pressure is falling again."

Josh felt the stir of commotion in the room as he slowly started to fade away....drifting further and further afield.....he started to hallucinate in his delirium...

He was thirteen. He had been invited to Freddie's lavish fourteenth birthday party in Uncle Phil's massive gardens. But the birthday boy was in one of his resentful moods that day.

" _Go away, Josh. You're boring, no one wants you." Freddie roughly shoved him back and Josh was sent sprawling on the floor. The other kids sniggered._

Josh picked himself up, shrugged and trudged inside the living room. He looked out of the patio doors and watched the throng of children playing outside on the one hundred pieces of equipment Uncle Phil had bought especially for the occasion. But he felt no envy. He started to observe the children's tiny subconscious reactions to each other. They were his microbes and he was studying them under his microscope. There was the pretentious stunning Pam chasing after Freddie who was desperately trying to hide his agitation behind his loud boisterous laugh. And there was the sly Fiona, madly in love with Jack but playing hard to get. He smiled, he knew so much about all of them.

" _Josh, what are you doing in here? Shouldn't you be outside playing with the other children?" Aunt May asked as she bustled in the living room, carrying an enormous chocolate cake. "I have to set up the table with party food. You can't stay in here." She carefully placed the cake on the centre of the long table and bustled back to the kitchen, leaving the connecting door ajar._

" _Really, that boy worries me. He is not quite right in the head," Josh heard her say to her friend who was helping out in the kitchen. "I pity him. My sister never wanted him and I guess Julie doesn't either. I can tell you that if that nurse were given a choice she would gladly turn back time and save her daughter from that accident, and where would that leave the poor boy? My sister would have had that abortion. He doesn't even have a father....." Josh continued to listen to the usual gossip. It was always the same, his mother's outrageous sexual scandals, the drugs, the alcohol and her poor son's brutal neglect. He only endured it because inevitably the conversation would always lead to theories and speculations on who his father really was. But so far all he had discovered was that his mother must have engaged in some thirty filthy experiences the month he was conceived, one for each day...and perhaps even more. Names were never directly mentioned._

He heard his aunt's clicking heels approaching the door. He quickly slipped out of the patio doors and ran to the far end of the massive garden. Uncle Phil really knew what kids wanted and he had bought the right things that fired up their imagination. Josh could see him playing in their midst, acting like a child and stooping down to their level. Phil liked kids and they liked him. Josh liked him too. He was one cool uncle to have. The rest of the world liked Phil too, the clean, talented actor who was madly in love with his wife. His story touched their romantic hearts. The gossip magazines could never appease the public's insatiable hunger to know more about the handsome Phil. There was no trash to report. The only gossip was that he had wanted loads of children of his own but his wife's first pregnancy had been very traumatic and sadly she had been unable to conceive again. Freddie had remained the only spoilt child in the family with Josh coming round every Sunday to relieve his boredom.

An hour later Aunt May started rounding up the children. It was time to gorge themselves on her splendid spread. Josh felt his mouth water. He always liked his aunt's food, and she even cooked everything herself, refusing any help from the various maids that roamed about the colossal villa.

" _Forget it Josh, you will never taste the chocolate cake. Dad is going to be so mad. You'll see," Freddie whispered in his ear before roughly pushing past him. Josh entered the living room with a fair degree of trepidation. His cousin's threats were never empty._

" _I want to take a group photo with my new camera," Freddie said enthusiastically. He went over to the table at the far end of the room where all his presents had been piled. He started to wail. The camera lay smashed on the floor, together with his new cassette player. The new football shirt lay ripped and obscured with black markings and the permanent marker used was wrapped in the matching shorts. In fact all his other presents had been vandalized too, some way or another._

" _Josh did it, he was in here while we were playing outside," Freddie wailed._

Aunt May gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "That's true, he was in here and I told him to go outside and join the others. Phil, forgive him, he is only a boy. It's his way of drawing our attention." She stood in front of Josh, protecting him from her husband's fury. But Phil pushed past her and grabbed him by his right ear.

" _I swear Uncle Phil, I never did anything to his things. Freddie did it himself. Look at his hands, they are all covered in black ink, the same that was used on the football kit," Josh protested._

His uncle looked at the startled Freddie who had quickly shoved his hands in his pockets. Phil knew the truth but he could never punish his own son...and on his birthday too. He had to play along with what Freddie wanted. If he did not, his son would spiral out of control with vengeance. If he made it humiliating enough for Josh, Freddie's envy would be smothered. It was the only way for the two boys to shake hands and be the brothers that they really were. There was a lot of regret in his eyes as he looked at Josh, "Don't be insolent, who would do that to his own things?" and he sat down and shoved Josh across his knee. He pulled down the boy's trousers and gave him a good thrashing on his bottom.

It wasn't the pain that tore the boy's heart, it was the sheer humiliation of it all as the children jeered and mocked. But he would never show them that he cared. When his uncle was done he stood up tall, and amidst the clapping and the sneers, he walked calmly out into the garden.

He strolled to the very bottom of the parkland, more than a mile away from the house. He often went there when things turned nasty. He would shut himself in his own sanctuary and only walk back minutes before Julie was due to pick him up. He gingerly sat down on the rich green grass. His bottom hurt. He wrapped his arms around his legs and shut his eyes tight. He had entered into his own world of vivid imagination and he liked it there. Time just stood still.

He heard the twig crack and he looked up. Freddie stood before him, a piece of bitten chocolate cake in his outstretched hand. "Dad said that you can't have any but I saved half of mine for you. Come on, have it. I know just how much you like the creamy chocolate spread my mother uses."

Josh reached out and stuffed the piece in his mouth. He was hungry and in any case he was used to Freddie's sudden mood swings. He was always extremely nice after being extremely spiteful. In some strange way he liked Freddie, ironically he was his best and only friend.

" _Why did you break your own things, Freddie?" Josh asked curiously as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve._

Freddie shrugged, "Dad will buy them again for me. Oh Josh," he exclaimed sadly, "why did you have to win that scholarship on my birthday? I really wanted you to have fun today. I have been excited all morning when I saw all the equipment dad bought and I could think of nothing else but playing with you and having a really great time. Then Julie showed dad the piece of paper when she dropped you off for the party."

" _I'm sorry."_

" _Hey, it's not your fault. I would have grabbed my opportunities and won that thing if I had the brains to do it. I sometimes wonder why you are stuck in our year group. You should be in university by now."_

" _Do you think mum will be pleased if she got to know about the scholarship?" Josh looked up into his cousin's eyes and he saw the incredulous look._

" _Josh, how can you still be thinking that way? Face it, Caris is nothing but a selfish, self-centred bitch. I don't even call her my aunt and you shouldn't call her your mother. She deserves neither. I don't think anything you do would ever thaw her heart." Freddie saw the pain creeping in his cousin's face and he quickly continued, "But Julie was really pleased. She was beaming with pride...and so was dad."_

" _Was he? He isn't anymore."_

" _Dad knows who trashed all the presents. And that is why he won't say anything if he sees you playing with the stuff out in the garden. Come on Josh, we can still have two hours of fun until Julie comes for you."_

Josh didn't move.

" _Oh come on Josh, I will break anyone's nose if they even dare mention your white bottom."_

But still, Josh wouldn't move.

" _OK, how about this," Freddie said as he thought of ways to get his cousin to show his face out in public. "I kissed Pam in the stables today. She said that I was old enough now that I turned fourteen. Of course you are still too young, you have another six months to go but I think I can persuade her to kiss both of us. You have never kissed a girl and Pam is the best you can get, she is beautiful and really bright. She is going to be an actress just like dad."_

Josh wrinkled up his nose, unimpressed.

" _Not all actresses are bitches like your mother." Freddie sighed, Josh was stubborn but he tried again. "Are you sure you want to miss this? Pam used her tongue when she kissed me. She would do the same to you because she thinks that you are cute, a bit too young but cute. I swear she did say that. She really knows how to kiss and her tongue sends out these short bursts of fire deep down in your groin. It's out of this world."_

Josh was finally smiling, the tongue thing had done it.

" _Ok Josh, go to the stables and I'll be there with Pam in five minutes. You will really thank me for this." He held out his hand and pulled his cousin up..._

....Josh looked up. He was no longer looking at the fourteen-year-old, fair-haired boy. The adult Freddie stood before him. But something was different. He didn't have the permanent lines between his eyebrows that not even his bright smile could ever erase. He was not fidgeting with his fingers, rubbing the back of his neck or constantly adjusting his tie, things he so often used to do. Josh had got to recognise his brother's subtle body language. Despite his happy jovial smile, loud laugh and extrovert demeanour, Freddie had always been crumbling inside...but not today. Today, he was at peace with himself.

" _You look good Freddie, really happy."_

" _And you look terrible, Josh, but you have to go back today, it will be too late tomorrow. Do it for me, brother." He reached out and clipped something to his nose. Josh felt the burst of air reviving him and_...

...he opened his eyes. He was drenched in sweat and Rob was leaning over him, adjusting his nasal prongs so that they delivered twice the amount of the much-needed oxygen to his lungs. Josh was startled, Rob looked so much like Freddie.

"Hello Josh. Are you feeling any better? Your temperature spiked again but we managed to push it down. If you understood what I just said can you blink once?"

Josh cleared his throat and croaked, "Thank you, Rob."

Maria's face came into focus. She did look ghastly, as if she hadn't slept for a million years. And she had certainly cried a lot in those million years. She leaned over him and kissed him on his forehead. She had tears of joy in her eyes; his first words had filled her with incredible exultation. "Oh Josh, this is so good. This is fantastic. How do you feel?"

"Battered and bruised. How long have I been here?" he asked slowly, his chest hurt badly and all he wanted was to go back to sleep but she was so ecstatic with his tiny achievement that he did not want to take that away from her.

"A bit over a month. But breaking out of the semi-comatose state is good. Things will get better from now on."

"You look really tired, in fact you must look worse than I do. You should go and have a little rest."

"I've been telling her the same thing myself," Rob said as he stood up. "Perhaps she can do that now that she knows that you have not lost the power of speech. Well, I've got other patients to see. I'll check on you again, Josh. Maria if you need anything bleep me...and don't tire him out." He smiled and left.

"I hope you don't mind Rob," Maria was saying, "but I had to give you the best chances. This is the best and Rob...."

"I don't mind Maria, I'm past that. I'm just sorry to see you so stressed out. I'm not usually on this side of the sickbed. You are the one who is often tied to the bed with various tubes holding you down." He smiled but this was accompanied by a stab in his side and his smile turned into a grimace. But he ploughed on, he had to know, "What happened to Freddie and Da... Phil?"

"I'm sorry. Freddie died instantly. The fall severed his neck. And Phil, well, he shot himself in the head seconds after he shot you." She kissed his hand.

"What...what happened to their bodies?"

"The police are releasing them tomorrow."

Was that what Freddie wanted? Of course not. He was just hallucinating. In his delirium he had thought that Rob was Freddie. "Maria, can I ask you to arrange a good funeral and farewell to my brother and father? I know that Freddie did not treat you well, but he was my brother. It is the least I can do and it will make me feel better. I think that Phil would want to be buried with May...and Freddie would want...well I don't know what he would have wanted."

"You don't have to worry about anything; I'll make all the necessary arrangements." She stroked his hair.

"What a crazy family, huh! I must be the only man alive who was shot in cold blood by his own father."

"They were never your family. We are your family, me, Nick, Emma, Ben, Sarah, Max and all those other people who want the best for you and really pray that you will get better. Our lives will be empty without you, so you must concentrate on your true family and get better for us."

"I know that." He smiled. "Where are the kids staying?" he asked, suddenly missing them terribly.

"Max and his family have come over to stay for a little while and he has been amusing them or trying to anyway. And there's also Julie but she is getting too old to handle the four of them. They all miss you a lot and are dying to see you."

"Can you bring them along? I will try to sit up. I don't want them to think that their dad has turned into a feeble weakling." He joked about it but Maria knew that he really hated being in this position, helpless and not in control.

"I can phone Max to bring them over tomorrow afternoon if you are up to it. Ben really needs to see you. He is blaming himself for the whole mess. Max told me that he often goes into mute hysterics, crying in the corner and clutching that puppy."

"It's OK, I'll talk to Ben. He'll get over this." The puppy reminded him of the exchange on the runway. He had to ask her something. "Maria, why were you screaming when you boarded that plane?"

"Freddie told me that he was going to blow you and Ben up. He repeatedly used the same threat and he said that he had wired our house. But don't worry, I have mentioned this to Marco and he has cleaned the grounds. I don't want you to get stressed over this. I am capable of keeping things together until you get better."

"And would you have done everything to stop him from killing us?"

She looked into his eyes, "Yes I would have. Josh, you're getting tired and I don't want you to worry about anything. You should rest now." She bent down and kissed his lips as a lock of her hair slowly fell across his face.

"If you want me to sleep then you should not kiss me that way." He smiled cheekily. "Come closer." Her kiss had awakened a deep yearning inside him. He painfully lifted his hand and started to unbutton her shirt. The tubes sticking out of the back of his hand kept getting in the way but he managed to fumble through the first two buttons.

"Is this the first thing men think about as soon as they emerge from a coma?" she whispered.

"Yes, and if I had known what was about to happen I would have slowly made love to you in that shallow cave on the cliffside before going down the path and facing my father." He trailed his fingers down her swollen breasts which were overfilling the black brassiere she was wearing. She trembled. He could not help wondering if she had trembled with Freddie's touch too...then he stopped...all the pieces suddenly clicked together...her swollen breasts, the fainting episodes Rob had mentioned...she always fainted when she was...

"You're pregnant. And it's not mine because ever since Sarah was born I've been really careful...but Freddie wasn't."

She straightened up and buttoned up her shirt. "It doesn't matter. I'm having a termination tomorrow. The earlier it's done the fewer the complications."

"And you were not going to tell me about all this?" he shouted.

"You were unconscious..."

"I'm not now," he bellowed.

"What do you expect me to tell you after weeks in a coma? Hi, I'm carrying your brother's kid but don't worry about it, I'm taking care of it tomorrow."

"Yes, that is exactly what I expected you to do. Maria, when are you going to stop hiding things from me? It's futile and I always get to know about it one way or another. And when I do, it hurts me even more and it makes me think that there is something else hidden...like that Christmas party...or the fact that you always had his aftershave in your hair when you came home from work. What did you two do together? Did you sit on his lap while you tinkered away with your little experiments and theories? You don't need to answer that, your face says it all. And you never had supper with me and the kids on the days you work. Of course you would have had it with him but it wasn't the hospital cafeteria that he took you to. You dropped your purse in one of the classy hotels you two liked so much. The manager phoned home, he valued your generous and regular custom. I went to collect your purse and I told you that you had left it at home. But when I asked you where you had had supper, you said, " _Oh, I had something at work._ " Do you know what those lies did to me?"

She started to cry, "I'm sorry Josh. That was a period in my life which was stuffed with jealousy and revenge. Nothing major used to happen, we just talked and had lunch. I swear. Things only got out of hand once, during that Christmas party. But I paid bitterly for my mistakes. I swear I didn't want this pregnancy, it wasn't romantic or passionate, Freddie raped me and I have proof. As always, he filmed the whole thing. The police raided the white house and they have everything. You can have a look at what really happened and then perhaps you will stop doubting me." She looked anxiously at the monitors over his bed, his heart was beating too fast.

"Stop looking at the damned monitors, I'm not going to die." But he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to slow down his heart rate. He could hear her weeping hard. He shouldn't have lashed out. She was the worst hit by this mess. She had to deal with rape, her near-death experience, her husband's shooting and coma, and now an unwanted pregnancy, the product of that rape. And she had tried to keep the fort afloat all by herself. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was dead scared...scared of losing him. He knew that look, he had often had it himself when he thought that their life together was getting too complicated for her and she was about to get up and leave him. Now she was the one thinking that he was about to give up on her.

"Maria, I don't need to look at anything. I do not doubt you. But," he reached out for her hand and fiddled with the wedding ring on her finger, "life is sacred, a gift from God and no one has a right to end it. I certainly wouldn't and neither would you. You are only going ahead with this termination because you think that I might want it that way. I don't. I grew up with the shadow of abortion hanging over me. Do you know how many times my mother mentioned it? I grew to abhor that very concept. Where would I be if Julie hadn't talked my mother out of it? There would be no us, no Nick, Emma, Ben or Sarah. I had a right to live and so does a child who was conceived out of rape. Please Maria, don't rush into these things, pause and think and if you still want to go ahead than I won't stop you, but if you decide to have the baby I'll support you every step of the way. We will tackle it together. I didn't marry you only for the good bits and as long as we are together we can conquer the whole world. I swear I'll love the boy as much as any of our four children and I'll love you just as much too."

Maria buried her face in his neck and cried bitterly. "You are a very good man Josh Blake," she sobbed. "How did I get to be so lucky? I love you Josh, I really do."

"I know, your father told me." He smiled and ran his finger down her wet cheek. He was exhausted. He had achieved what he had surfaced for. He knew what Freddie had wanted him to do. He slowly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

"Josh, the kids are outside. Are you well enough to see them?" Maria was gently shaking his shoulder. He must have slept for twenty-four hours. His hand flew over her belly as he wondered if she had kept her appointment.

"I cancelled everything. We will talk about it when you are felling better."

"We're good Alfredo," he smiled as he tenderly caressed her belly.

"Alfredo?"

"That's what you and Freddie would have named your handsome blue-eyed boy."

Maria shook her head, she would never get used to this weirdness. She looked at him, his eyelids had already started to droop. "Josh, Max got the kids. Ben desperately needs to see you. The boy is a mess. I can't send him back home. Can you spare a couple of minutes with him? The others can wait outside if you're not up to it."

"No, bring them all in. Help me up." He tried to sit up but the pain returned with a bang and he fell back on his pillows.

"You don't have to sit up, there is nothing wrong with lying down," Maria said reassuringly, and with regret, he had to remain flat on his back while his children all stormed into the room. He clenched his teeth in pain when they jumped excitedly around his bed but he hid everything behind a wide smile. He was just as happy to see them again. Everyone fought hard for his attention. Only Ben remained at the foot of the bed, watching his brother and sisters talking incessantly to their father. Josh looked at Maria and she nodded, understanding him.

"We need to go and buy some drinks for daddy. You can all come with me and help me choose. Ben can stay here to keep an eye on him."

Nick started to protest but Maria just grabbed his hand and left the room.

"Ben, can you come here on the bed? Your old man can't lift you up." Josh smiled as the boy bounded onto the bed. "Ben, none of this is your fault," he said as he put his arms around the little boy.

"I should have stayed at home that night. But I really wanted to see what happened to my puppy whilst we were away on holiday. I never saw Freddie coming." He was crying now.

"Don't expect to foresee everything in life. Seeing tiny snippets of what might happen does not make us infallible and the jigsaw we try to piece together would contain flaws because it is conditioned by our own speculations. And besides, it would have happened in some other way. Sometimes you just cannot stop the course of events, no matter how hard you try. I know, I've tried it loads of times. But contrary to what you think, I owe my life to you. I did see you in your dream when I had been shot. Seeing you at that moment gave me the will to endure the pain and I survived. I'll be out of here in no time and we will be together again, I promise. And you can keep the puppy too. But I don't want you walking out of your room at night."

"I just need the solitude of the forest. I need that time to think...by myself."

"I understand what you're saying. I had the library, my sacred place where no one could trespass. We'll think of a place for you." He kissed his forehead and huddled him close to him.

Josh was fast asleep by the time Maria returned with the drinks.

#  Stopping History from Repeating Itself

"Signora Blake, dovrebbe spingere piu forte per l'ultima volta," the Italian obstetrician urged as the baby's head slowly emerged. He had seen many births but that exhilarating moment never ceased to send tiny shivers of emotion down his spine. It won't be long now, the next push would bring about one of nature's most beautiful and amazing miracles.

They were in a private clinic in Naples. After lengthy discussions and a lot of reassurances from Josh, Maria had decided to see the pregnancy through. Though she was adamant on one thing, the child would be given up for adoption and one of her Italian cousins was the perfect candidate. Carla had been happily married to an Italian judge for over seven years. Sadly she had had two stillbirths with severe congenital malformations and any further pregnancies would almost certainly end the same way. The couple's only chance for parenthood had been through adoption which proved to be very lengthy and trying. That was why they embraced Maria's proposal with great enthusiasm.

But Josh didn't. He had no intention of abandoning his brother's child. He thought that Maria was bound to change her mind when she saw the perfect blue-eyed boy. And so he went along with her wishes of giving birth in Italy and shortening the handover period. But he never signed any papers beforehand.

Josh clasped her hand and kissed her. "Come on Maria, it's the last push. It will soon be over. Are you ready?" And he supported her back as she grunted and strained really hard, her face turning bright red. The baby's shrill cry filled the room and Maria wept bitterly.

"Un bel figlio maschio. E meraviglioso. Complimenti," the obstetrician said as he wrapped the crying infant in a shawl and handed him to Josh.

"Thank you Maria. Thank you for doing this," Josh said as he held the tiny bundle. He too cried bitterly as he stroked the baby's soft red cheek.

****

Two days later Josh stood sulking in the corner of a lawyer's office. Maria was bending over the desk, signing papers. _No one was going to force him into signing any papers_ , he thought angrily. But apparently his signature was just a formality since the child wasn't his to give away.

He looked at Carla's ecstatic face as she cuddled baby Alfredo. Then he looked at her husband standing behind her and beaming down at the child. Josh had met the Italian judge on a couple of family occasions and there had always been that look of grief in his eyes, grief that he had been unable to give his wife the one thing she desperately needed, a child. But that look wasn't there anymore. It was replaced by a proud look of any new father, the same Josh had had after the birth of all of his children. There was no doubt that Freddie's child would receive tons of love from his adopted parents, but Josh could not help that overwhelming sense of guilt...as if he was participating in a simple clean act of sweeping an unwanted and embarrassing problem under the carpet. Alfredo was not that.

He crossed the room and took the baby from Carla's arms. "I'm sorry, Carla. I need to have a private word with my wife. Can you excuse us?"

Carla nodded and she, her husband and the lawyer exited the room.

"Maria, this is a mistake."

"It's not. We have been through this plenty of times. I can't understand you. Any sane man would not want to raise the child of his wife's rapist."

"I'm not sane."

"Why are you doing this, Josh?"

"Because I owe it to Freddie."

"Why?"

"Because if I hadn't existed, he would have had a very happy and full life. Maria, he was always crumbling inside...and so was I."

"And that is why I want this for Alfredo. He is my son and I want what is best for him. If he stays with us history will repeat itself. It will always be him against Ben and Nick just as it had been you against Freddie. Josh, you can never love him as much as your own sons. It will always be that tiny bit less. If you were out in the desert, starving, and you had just one piece of bread, to whom would you give it, to Ben or Alfredo?"

"I'd half it."

"Very diplomatic. What if the cliff face was crumbling and Ben was on your right and Alfredo on your left. Which side are you going to run to?"

"Maria, I'm not my father, repeatedly choosing Freddie over me."

"And despite Phil's blatant favours, Freddie was still left crumbling inside. Wouldn't it have been better for both of you if Julie had been given full rights of adoption? You would have been brought up in love and security away from the anger and spite. You would eventually have been told of your true origins, but you would have accepted them and moved on and so would Freddie because both your childhoods would have been secure and untainted. Childhood is important because it paves the rest of our lives." She paused, then she wiped a tear, she had to tell him the truth.

"Josh, I know that you would treat him fairly and justly, and I am just putting the blame on you and hiding behind that excuse. I don't doubt you. But I doubt myself. I don't have your heart, Josh. I love Alfredo but I can never love him as much as our own children. When I look at them I see the love and passion we both share, but when I look at Alfredo I only see Freddie raping me. I will be the one who would act like Phil. If I were in that desert I would have given the piece of bread to Ben. Forgive me Josh, but I can't do this. I love Alfredo enough to want him to be the centre of someone's universe. And he will be with Carla and her husband, but not with me. He will always be my second best. I have to stop history from repeating itself. Don't hate me, Josh."

Josh looked down at the beautiful baby sleeping in his arms. Everyone deserved to be on top of someone's pile. He of all people knew that. He kissed the child and strode across the room, opening the door. Carla was crying. Her husband had wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders and was whispering quietly in her ear, trying to appease her grief.

Josh smiled kindly at them both as he put the baby in the new mother's arms. He walked purposely towards the desk and started signing. He had a lot of papers to sign. He had inherited all of Phil's estates together with Freddie's hospital and other assets. He wanted none of that for himself. He wanted to give them all to Alfredo. It was what Phil would have wanted. The boy would be a billionaire when he turned twenty-one.

"Grazie Josh, " Carla sobbed. "Lo amerò per il resto della mia vita, te lo prometto." She was too emotional to translate her thoughts into English.

"She said..." Maria interjected.

"I know what she said," Josh snapped. "I have studied Italian just in case you and your dirty cousins start shooting scores on the way I look."

Maria laughed as she looked at her cousin and nodded towards Josh's perfect backside, "E il suo culo? Che dici?"

"Sempre cento per cento. You are a very lucky woman Maria."

Josh had to laugh. And with a final glance at the baby he took Maria's hand and strode out of the office before he changed his mind.

"We'll see him every summer when we visit Max in Kemmuna. We always have a big family gathering and Carla always comes along. It's not as if we gave him to total strangers. He will still be part of our lives," Maria said as they walked towards their parked car.

"I know. I hate to admit this, but I think you are right on this one."

"As always. The doctor always knows what's best."

Josh patted her nose and kissed her before holding the car door wide open. He laughed as he theatrically ushered her in.

****

Josh held his youngest daughter in his arms as they walked amongst the tall cypress trees. She rested her head against him and her golden brown curls splayed all over his shoulder. A year had passed from their harrowing cliffside experience, but Josh still found it painful to walk long distances especially with the added weight of his daughter. His near fatal accident had traumatised her to such an extent that she had glued herself to his side and he often had to carry her wherever he went.

His wife glanced at him, she knew that he was in pain, "You should put her down; she can play with the others."

Josh shrugged, "I'm all right." This phase in her life would eventually pass and the shock of possibly losing a father would be nothing but a forgotten past. He knew that he was greatly loved by all of his four children and wife; this was the family he had always wanted. This was the true purpose of his existence. His parents had been wrong; he had a right to exist and live a full and happy life.

He watched his other three children playing happily further along the cemetery path. His wife stopped near her parents' grave and placed a single red rose there. She turned round and took his hand. This scene could have been so different; Josh knew it and he shuddered.

He could not see the tall dark-haired man, but he knew that he was there, smiling happily, looking proudly at his family. The psychiatrist could finally rest in peace.

# THE STORY CONTINUES IN

THE BLAKE CURSE

Now available from all major online bookstores in both paperback and eBook formats.

_Ben Blake_ , an eighteen year old British Intelligence agent brimming with gifts; intellectual genius, striking appearance, impeccable acting skills and a heightened sixth sense... gifts that all guarantee the success of his first undercover assignment. He effortlessly infiltrates university life in Cambridge and befriends Cathy, the daughter of billionaire Edward Carter, one of the most influential and politically secure titans of the time.

_Samantha Black_ , known as the elusive and exquisitely petite Sam. She rises from the ashes and battles her dark legacy. Her cryptic past and deep secrets become firmly intertwined with Ben's investigations, shredding his carefully thought out plan to bits.

_Jake Snell_ , the young rugged Earl of Yorkley, the enigma, the rogue full of vices....but possessing abundant resourcefulness, creativity and determination. He is Ben's only lifeline in this treacherous game.

The Blake Curse is all about heartrending choices, fast paced suspense and that faith in the thread of human goodness.

THE BLAKE MISTAKE

Three characters and a life-changing event.

_Ben Blake_ ; British intelligence agent, intellectual genius, striking appearance, impeccable acting skills and a heightened sixth sense, all concealed behind a solid impenetrable mask.

_Jake Snell_ ; the rugged eleventh Earl of Yorkley, the extremely bright cardiac surgeon, the loving husband, the devoted father, the enigma whose criminal past gives British intelligence another perspective from the other side of the fence.

_Emma Snell_ ; the talented actress who denounces her claim to fame and glory and becomes a stay-at-home mother. She finds the trapdoor in the edge of the woods surrounding her husband's stately home. She has no idea of the horror that had taken place in the hidden rooms or how this would play into her future.

_The London bombing_ ; Ben foresees it, Jake thwarts it and destiny is rewritten, spewing forth a cataclysmic course of events as all the domino pieces begin to fall. Snippets of Jake's violent and forgotten childhood start to surface his conscious mind and his perfect life begins to break apart before his very own eyes. Women he comes in contact with are found dead bearing a particular signature linked with his childhood. He starts to doubt his hidden suppressed half. He has to unlock his memories and search deep within the bowels of his vast ancestral home if he is to ever save his wife and tame the brutal destiny he himself had unleashed.

The Blake Mistake is all about insecurities, unconditional love and that desperate run against the flowing sands of time.

THE BLAKE LEGACY:

A FRACTURE IN TIME

The Blake Legacy is all about peer pressure, intimidation and that desperate search for an exquisite type of pure love, a love untainted by monetary gains or sexual intentions, a love for the sake of love itself.

THE BLAKE LEGACY II:

TILL DEATH DO US PART

Out Autumn 2016

WEEK OF LIES

It is New Year's Day. Beth Banks wakes up to find her father dead in their multimillion pound house in London. It appears to be a suicide, but Beth has her doubts. She looks back on her previous week, her introduction into the cryptic world of Rob Menezes, the righteous law graduate desperately seeking a living, the man she has grown to love and trust despite his many facets. She sets out in search of the truth and she uncovers a dark secret that could radically change her life.

I C CAMILLERI

I C Camilleri is a medical doctor. Her first novel, The Blake Curse was published in March 2012. A year later it was nominated for The People's Book Prize UK, a national competition voted for by the public. After a three month vote The Blake Curse became one of the three finalists in the Summer 2013 Collection.

Her next two books, The Blake Soul and The Blake Mistake were published in 2013. Each book in the Blake series could be read as a stand-alone. Suggested chronological order of reading;  
THE BLAKE SOUL  
THE BLAKE CURSE  
THE BLAKE MISTAKE

THE BLAKE LEGACY: AFRACTURE IN TIME

THE BLAKE LEGACY II: TILL DEATH DO US PART

Week of Lies is a revenge thriller/romance published in 2014.

