 
Banter by Gretchen Grable

It was a cold autumn day in Acer Ridge - a small suburb in the south of England. The leaves were turning red and falling off the trees in gusts of wind, and the weather was getting colder and colder, people shivered in short sleeves, or looked glamorous and snug in sheepskin jackets and long boots. The trees looked black and skeletal against the pale blue sky and still like charcoal on a piece of pale blank paper.

The Jeffrey Jackson Department Store had opened in the town centre of Acer Ridge. It had opened to replace a large co-op shop that had been closed down for years. The building was red brick and had an Edwardian look to it. It had an elaborate window display, people stood and pressed their noses against the glass and exchanged comments to each other about how pretty it looked. One of these people was Julie Jones.

Julie Jones was an interesting, different kettle of fish, sometimes she could be extrovert and feisty other times she was a rabbit in the headlights, shrinking violet type. She had spent the last three years at business school doing one of those gnvq business degree type things. She worked on Friday mornings for a small family business, doing their accounts. The rest of the time she stayed up late studying or was in the library all afternoon researching for her course. She wanted to do really well.

The small family business was called James and Belmont and was in the old part of the town centre. It was run by two brothers. It was situated in three rooms above a furniture shop and had a buzzer at the front door to get in.

However, she decided that she wanted to work somewhere a bit more exciting, where she might have some prospects and a chance to prove herself, so she found a job at Wright and Robinson International, a global financial consultancy firm.

She found it through an employment agency online, and luckily they had an office in town, so she went to visit them and they offered her the job at Wright and Robinson.

It was a cold autumn day, the leaves were turning red and falling off the trees in gusts of wind, and the weather was getting colder and colder, people shivered in short sleeves, or looked glamorous and snug in sheepskin jackets and long boots. The trees looked black and skeletal against the pale blue sky and still like charcoal on a piece of pale blank paper.

When she started at Wright and Robinson, Julie felt excited about what was in store for her. She pulled her scarf close to her neck and clutched her big red handbag. She was going to work in a large office in town and it felt exciting as she did not know what to expect, the interview was with a panel of six people and was quite scary, but they had been impressed with her and had offered her a job as a filing clerk.

When she walked to work, her high heeled shoes clip clopped along the pavement by the car park where she had just parked her fiesta, she was a tall with red hair like Marti Caine with tanned skin, and a clear complexion. She was a quiet person, and always dressed in a glamorous way to hide it. She wore a lot of makeup and spent all her money on shoes.

When she came into work she always went straight to the staff room and made herself a cup of strong coffee and put her hand bag under her desk, then she went to the Ladies to touch up her makeup. She was always late and had to rush.

She saw other people in the staffroom who were sitting down and relaxing and reading the paper. She wished she could do that. She usually sat down on a comfortable chair and read a magazine and drank a can of coke or a bottle of water, and kept herself to herself.

She was a typist in a team of sales people. They gave her plenty of work to do, and it was always a big rush on Fridays. Everyone was always stressed and spoke to her quickly and aggressively and that made her feel small. She did not understand this kind of banter as she was a bit naïve and, she often gave them dirty looks as they left the office and totted to herself, sometimes she hid in the toilets, then left 5 minutes early.

She wished she could be on a desert island somewhere, where she could kayak off the beach, and sunbathe while reading a book, but one has to pay the bills she supposed.

The office conversation was always the same .where to get the new Ugg boot, the price of an exhaust pipe, the behaviour of the children they passed on the way to work who were walking to school, aches and pains, or the state of the traffic on the way into work.

On her lunch hour she liked to walk in the park and gaze at the different shades of green in the trees.

Sometimes at the weekend she would come down in her casual clothes and paint pictures of the trees with watercolours or using pastels.

She mixed some lovely colours – greens using bright yellows and white and Prussian blue mixed with turquoise, reds using dark blue and orange and bright red.

Painting made her feel quite dreamy and forget all her troubles – she was a bit of a worrier, and sometimes said silly things and embarrassed herself and other people who were listening.

She wished she could whisper everything into a secret box and forget about all her paranoia.

She did not like working in the big open plan office of Wright and Robinson, where the women sometimes seemed bitchy and competitive and the men arrogant and rude.

When it was 5.00pm everyone rushed to the door, and nobody said goodbye, and if she typed a letter people never said thank you, they just snatched it out of her hand. She just wanted to do her Donnab and go home and feel like she had achieved something or perhaps that was just a utopian idea.

4

She lived in a flat above a shop. It was quite small, but modern with an ensuite bathroom and a fitted kitchen. It was very nice for her. She liked to cook and made lots of casseroles with parsnips, carrots , celery and braising steak and red wine for the flavour. She had many recipe books and knew lots of tips and tricks to cooking which her and her friends Hannah and Rachel always discussed on the way to Sainsburys. She loved to cook and liked to spend the evening in the kitchen after work to unwind.

One Tuesday afternoon Julie walked into town to go window shopping, she went there on the train – she lived in a suburb of London near lots of fancy shopping centres. She got off the bus and walked among the many business people on their lunch break talking into their mobile phones and listening to their ipods,.

She found a lovely cafe to sit in. It was owned by some Portuguese people. There were pictures of Portuguese football teams on the wall, and Portuguese newspapers were dotted around. She ordered a cup of tea and a custard tart and sat there and watched the world go by.

Presently, a man came up to her and said "Hello my name is Diego, would you mind if I sat here" she said she did not mind and he sat down. He had long dark brown hair, tanned skin and was wearing a purple t-shirt and jeans.

"Are you English" he asked (Julie had a kind of Spanish look about her)

"My Grandmother was Spanish" replied Julie.

"This is my brothers cafe" said Diego, he has had it for about fifteen years now, we are doing well, and we have a catering business also".

"That's good" said Julie, sipping her tea.

She felt flattered that she was being chatted up by this handsome man. She had not been in a relationship for a while, just met men in night clubs and the attention. However, she had to get back to the office, so she hurried down the path in the rain. It was pouring with rain and the sky was dark and full of clouds. She walked home with a spring in her step.

When she got back into the office, she felt cheery. She even poured herself a cup of coffee and people watched around the office. There was Tony Barnes telling one of his long stories, to a group of new staff who had not heard them a million times before, and there was Rita Brown painting her nails and talking on her mobile phone. John Grant came up and asked her to do some audio typing and frank some post, to which she reluctantly obliged. He handed the envelopes to her with a large grin.

Tony Barnes stood in front of the Jeffrey Jackson Department Store in Acer Ridge high street. He had ten minutes to get back to work, but wanted to finish eating his packet of crisps and perusing the electronics section of the large display window of the Jeffrey Jackson Department Store. He casually stared into the window munching his crisps and texting on his Iphone.

Tony had been seconded to Wright and Robinson from Wright and Arkwell in the neighbouring town of Biswick. He had started there about five years ago, when it was three small companies on one floor of an office. He had his own secretary and his own office. Now he was just a small fish in a big school of fishes swimming into the recession computer sales style. He had liked it when the company was small and felt bitter and fed up with the new situation. Unfortunately this caused him to have a strange and curious sense of humour.

"What's so funny" asked Julie

"I just like to see you look stressed" said Tony "but don't go breaking my heart?"

"I couldn't if I tried" said Julie sarcastically.

" Who was the man who Jason Mills saw you talking to in the Portuguese cafe in town" said Tony.

"That's actually none of your business" Julie retorted, and walked off back to her desk. "Nosey git" she thought to herself.

«Back to work please» said John Grant the office manager sternly placing a conference room cup on a conference room saucer in a delicate almost effeminate way. A couple of temporary typists sniggered and pointed behind him.

The next week, Julie phoned up Hannah and Rachel and asked them if they fancied a girls night out.

She went to clubs with her friends Hannah and Rachel who she used to work with, and they always went round to Rachel's house to get dressed and made up. They enjoyed the excitement of it even though they were all in their mid thirties and Rachel was married with three children, they liked to let their hair down and dance to all the eighties hits and buy skimpy dresses from Top Shop and Nina Norwood with cardigans over them to hide the bingo wings.

She always got really drunk, and ended up being sick in the toilets, and dancing madly, the others did not drink much, and mostly sat around like wallflowers. Sometimes Julie thought perhaps she was trying just that little bit too hard - but she never seemed to be able to be part of the in crowd.

Julie decided with Hannah and Rachel that they would go clubbing on a girls night out the following Saturday.

After work on Thursday evening, Julie went out into town and went to topshop and Jeffrey Jacksons to try to find an outfit for her night out. She found a lovely black and royal blue retro 80's dress, and teamed it with some black footless tights and silver sandals.

She tried them on when she got home, and felt like a million dollars.

Saturday evening soon came round, and Hannah, Rachel and Julie all went into town in a taxi. They chatted about their week, and laughed about how glad they were it was the weekend.

The town looked glamorous at night, with all the flashing night club lights and restaurants and bars, and there were lots of people around in their stylish clothes, carrying their vodka bottles in groups of about 5 or 10 men and women. Julie had to make sure she had her ID with her as she hadn't been out for a while. The Jeffrey Jackson department store was dimly lit but reflected the towns youth parading around in their short dresses and black 1960's suits in it's windows.

They came to a big black nightclub building with neon lights and a large stair case up to the dance floor it was very loud and the good music did not come on till midnight. Julie realised she must be getting old, as the music seemed too loud.

She clambered up the stairs and put her coat in the cloak room. The club was posh and full of leather sofas and big screen TVs showing music and Screenfriend the network site of all things. Julie ordered the drinks - three Smirnoff ices for her and her friends and they went and sat down on one of the sofas.

The girls laughed and chatted,

Hannah said "ooh, look at that mans hair" and laughed. The man had bleached black hair that stood up spiky about five inches from his head.

Rachel said " he looks like he's just your type Hannah". Hannah smiled sarcastically.

Julie looked on, and saw lots of nice looking blokes at the bar, they all looked very desirable in their dog tooth shirts, black ties and spiky hair.

Suddenly a male model type bloke came up to her and said "do you have a drink?"

"no" said Julie "well let me buy you one then, hi my names' Gary" he enthused "Gary Granger".

He had blonde spiky hair and dark brown eyes, and a look about him that was a cross between Matthew McConaughey and Michael J Fox, and he spoke like Hugh Grant.

Her heart missed a beat. She imagined the man running in slow motion towards her with a bunch of flowers just like in the impulse advert. She quickly awoke from her daydream by nearly tripping over in her high heeled gladiator sandals. "Oh sorry love" said the hunky man.

"Pleased to meet you" said Julie, trying to subtly follow him to the bar.

Hannah Rachel and Julie got up on the dance floor and danced the night away, it was packed with people as it was getting late. Julie felt happy and free. They had a few more drinks and then they went home.

The next morning Julie had a lie in and a fried breakfast. Julie cooked sausages, mushrooms, eggs and fried bread. Hannah and Rachel stayed too and joined her; they had had a good night out together. They talked about the handsome man that Julie had met at the bar. Julie had not asked him what his name was or anything, they decided they would go back next week and see if they could find him. They all washed up together, then sat around and watched TV.

That afternoon Julie went to Sainsbury's with her friend Naomi, as they were sorting through the satsumas to choose ones that weren't bruised, Julie said " I met this man in a nightclub yesterday"

"oh," said Naomi"what was he like?"

4

"He was really handsome with a good sense of humour" said Julie, "I don't know when I'll see him again, I did not get his number".

"That's a shame" said Naomi "it would be nice if you had someone to go out with. They went to the till and packed their shopping into carrier bags, paid for it then walked to the car. Julie felt sad on the way home, she wished she had got the mans' number and then they could have met up.

"Maybe you and I could go to the club where I met him for a drink?" asked Julie "then we might bump into him again"

"That sounds exciting" said Naomi.

That evening, Julie went to her art class, they were doing life drawing in charcoal. She found herself drawing the man she met at the nightclub, she did deep lines for his cheekbones and gave him big staring eyes.

"This is ridiculous" she thought, " what am I doing".

"That looks interesting" said her art teacher "you've drawn it out of proportion though, let me show you how to do it properly".

Julie sighed.

The next day at work, Julie was busy typing up lots of reports and drinking lots of coffee, she had so much work to do, she did not know when it was going to end, she would be glad when she got home. She kicked off her shoes under the desk, and tried to get on with her work.

Tony Barnes came up to her desk.

"Did I ever tell you the story of when I saw Lenny Bennett on the train"

"No Tony" lied and groaned Julie.

"Well, I saw this man with curly hair walk past and I shouted out 'hey lenny' (Tony had a strong Glaswegian accent) ' and he turned round and put his finger up at me and said 'feck off'.

"Oh" said Julie, "good for him" trying not to laugh.

Along came John Grant "can you photocopy these for me, I've just got to go and see Jack Moore"

"No" said Julie "I'm too busy, do it yourself", she glared at him and walked away.

Then she went back to her typing at her desk. She was too busy to talk to idiots.

A group of girls were by the photocopier, they were laughing and Donnaking and not doing much work, one of them was called Carlie, she had long brown hair down to her waist, and was always laughing mischievously with her blonde friend, Julie found it quite unnerving, but just ignored them. All the other younger girls idolised Carlie and crowded round her, trying to copy her look and they wore clothes like her, but Carlie was shallow and naïve and Julie felt threatened by her, but Carlie was young and Julie had been young once she said to herself.

There was a hush in the room.

Donna Sparrow came in with the post, she had short, curly black hair, and was always a bit dizzy, but had a lovely personality and would always stop to chat to Julie to ask her how she was getting on.

Julie always wished Donna was her older sister. Julie was an only child and had a lonely childhood.

Donna was married to one of the security guards called Charlie, who came in after they all went home. She was a popular woman, popular due to her stunning, outgoing personality. All the men fancied her secretly, but would never flirt with her or they knew that Charlie would get defensive and upset.

Julie wished she had the courage to ask Donna if she fancied going bowling or to the cinema one evening so that they could get to know each other a little better.

Donna lived in a block of flats and was a dreamer. She dreamt she lived on a big ranch in Texas surrounded by horses and cornfields, and she was running, running running.....

Julie watched them through the glass panel of the door of the office, talking and laughing together - she could not hear what they were saying, it was like watching a silent film, and wished she had someone to talk and laugh with. She should try to find that Portuguese bloke again maybe, or the guy she met in the nightclub.

It was 5.30 and it was time to go home. Everyone made a mad dash for the double doors out of the office leading to the stairs. It was always a nightmare trying to get out of the car park, and there was always a big queue.

Julie drove home and felt tired and hungry, she was going to have lamb casserole that night, she had some in the freezer that she had made last week.

She finally got home and unlocked the door and went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, then she went into the lounge to watch tv before preparing the dinner.

This evening she was going to see Tony Barnes and his band at the local pub called The Maid a Milking, they were a group of e men who thought they were mods and rockers who wore silly hats and tried to play electric guitars. She went there with Donna Sparrow who lived in town.

Donna bought her a beer and they sat at one of the tables. Julie was tired and did not say much, but she was enDonnaying the music. The pub was decorated in a modern style with dark red paint on the walls and black and white photographs, and lovely big fireplaces. She stared at Donna, and said "So, tell me about yourself Donna"

"Well" said Donna "I came to Acer Ridge when I was ten and then my parents got divorced and I lived with my mum near the Acer Ridge canal, and my dad moved to Scotland.

The Maid a Milking pub was packed full of men in denim jackets and black bomber jackets who looked unkempt and a bit unshaven, but interesting.

There was Tony Barnes sitting at the bar.

Julie jumped in surprise when she saw him, then decided to ignore him in case he came up to her and made one of his stupid remarks.

He said "what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"that's original" said Julie

"so who are you appearing as tonight? Are you the support act?"

"Yes " said Julie sarcastically, " I am here with my friend Donna, we're going to be doing the Can Can, she's a bit shy, so I've got to get back to her".

Tony laughed and walked off into the shadows.

Jane walked quickly back to where Donna was sitting. And told her about Tony Barnes. "stupid knob" said Donna.

Tony Barnes was one of those people who you had to take everything they said with a pinch of salt. They left Tony Barnes at the bar, and went to watch the band. It was very loud and not very good, the sound system was all wrong. Suddenly Tony Barnes was behind them shouting "I'm bored now" then singing "why are we waiting".

The band went on for a bit longer then Julie and Donna left, as they got bored of it. They decided to go to another pub that was in town instead. They went to The Feathers, it was an oldy woldy pub, with paintings of horses on the wall and leather sofas.

Julie and Donna both had tia marias and talked about their days and their lives to each other. After that they got a taxi home.

The next day Julie went to Sainsburys with her friend Naomi. They bought the weekly shop as well as magazines.

At work, Julie was worried she had embarrassed herself again by talking to Tony Barnes, but everyone just carried on working and they did not whisper or laugh at her. She managed to get a lot of work done and felt proud of herself - even though she was covered in paper cuts and she felt tired.

Her boss called her into her office "if there is anything you need, just ask" she said, "you are doing some good work and I Am pleased with you". Julie felt proud of herself.

She went back to her office, but the door was shut and there was somebody standing against it with their back to her, 'how silly' Julie thought. So she knocked on the door, to get the person to move, then they opened the door, and it was Gary Granger.

He opened the door, and said "hello, come in". Julie stopped, startled, he looked very handsome and had put some blonde highlights in his hair.

"Hey, haven't I seen you somewhere before?" he said

"oh, I'm not sure" said Julie. He did look familiar, maybe she'd seen him in the newsagents or something.

She went in and sat at her desk and got on with her audio typing. She had lots of work to do today, and she wanted to get on with it to distract herself from talking to Gary.

Julie went for a walk in the park on her lunch hour. She saw people walking their dogs and eating their sandwiches on benches.

She sat down on a bench and listened to her I-pod, she had just put some JLS on it, she liked that and jigged along with it. It was a lovely clear day and the sun was shining.

People walked past her on their way back to work with a spring in their step, and talking happily.

When she got back to work, Gary was sitting in the staffroom when she got in there.

"So how are you?" he asked "What kind of music are you into these days?"

"JLS, that kind of thing" said Julie "Sometimes I like Brian Eno and Roxy Music though"

"Yes, I like them too, did you know that Brian Eno writes a regular column on society and innovation in a magazine and makes multimedia ventures in parallel to his music career, including art installations, a newspaper column in the observer, and "oblique strategies", like a deck of cards in which each card has a cryptic remark or random insight meant to resolve a dilemma. He continues to collaborate with other musicians, produce records, release his own music, and write. "

"Really" exclaimed Julie, she had switched off from the conversation after the newspaper column bit.`

At her desk and got on with some filing, and planned in her head what still life she was going to paint in her art class.

Julie drove home in the rain, and it was getting dark and the traffic was busy. She looked forward to putting the tv on and getting the dinner ready. Tonight, she was going to have Spaghetti Bolognese.

She thought Gary was a bit intense, a lot of people had said they thought he was a bit of a fool, but she could see something different about him somewhere, something deep and intense, that was real. Or perhaps she was just being naïve.

She ate her Spaghetti in front of the tv, and had a glass of wine. She was happy to relax on her sofa after a hard day at work.

When she had finished her spaghetti, she put her plate in the dishwasher and got ready for bed and read a book in bed, she was reading an autobiography of a famous footballer.

The next day she was walking to work when she decided to go and buy a newspaper in the newsagents on the way. She was looking at the newspapers on the shelf, mainly tabloids telling bad taste bad news, when she felt a presence next to her. It was Tony Barnes.

"Hello" he said "how are you?"

"I'm fine" said Julie.

She chose her newspaper then paid for it at the till.

"Bye" said Tony

"Bye" said Julie.

She felt a strange fluttering in her stomach. "no, surely not" she thought.

She really did not want to like him like that.

She walked quickly to work and counted up to 100 in her head, trying to distract herself.

When she got in, John Grant handed her a pile of purchase orders,

"could you stamp these please?" he said. Julie took them from him reluctantly and started stamping.

Tony Barnes entered the room, he walked quickly to the photocopier and chatted with some women, then went to get a cup of coffee, being a bit lazy sometimes. He went back to his desk and got his newspaper out and started reading it. One of the senior managers came up to him at which point he dropped the newspaper at the side of his chair, the senior manager gave him a big report to read and a stern look. Julie laughed to herself.

The younger girls in the office sat busy typing and chatting, the men drank coffee and pretended to be on the phone. One of them was doing the old trick where you phone someone in the office up who you can see, and then put the phone down when you see them go to pick it up. There was a lot of laughter and then a lot of swearing from the victim of the trick.

Donna Sparrow came round with the post, Julie asked her if she would like a biscuit. "Ooh, yes please said Donna. She was wearing a lovely long navy cardigan that swept around her body. Julie could see her watching Charlie through the window of the post room, he was watching a tv screen while doing the crossword in the Sun newspaper, and looking cross, as if he needed a cigarette. Donna went over to him and banged on the window, he mouthed something nasty at her and looked angry then looked back at his crossword.

"well that's charming then isn't it" Donna said to the whole office and scowling.

Tony Barnes swaggered forward with one of his huge grins "Lovers tiff eh?" he asked

"can I get you a coffee?"

Suddenly Charlie appeared in the face of Tony Barnes "leave her alone" he said angrily, Tony Barnes shrank back, and bit his lip .

Charlie strode to the post room and locked it locked it with Donna in it and went to get a packet of cigarettes from his coat pocket. Julie watched him through the window, he got in his car in the car park, Cindy Lauper was playing on the radio " Girls just wanna have fun". He imagined that Donna was singing it on a stage.

He thought that maybe locking Donna in the post room was probably over-reacting a bit, but sighed and lit up another cigarette.

Nobody messed with Charlie Sparrow, some people were a little scared of him, he was king of the hill, and keeper of the keys. He was a small thin man, with mousy brown hair in a kind of mullet haircut and he had a goatee beard. It was rumoured that he once had a thriving scrap metal business, then lost it all in a game of poker.

Brenda Graham the office manger got up sternly with a set of keys and let Donna out in silence, she was not going to have that kind of thing going on in her office. She gave Donna some letters to frank, as if to say it was her fault and it was all very childish, which it was of course. She went to her happy place in her head which was the Jeffrey Jackson Department Store window in town as it stood at the moment - a fantastic spring window which had spring flowers, lilac gingham table cloths and even nodding Easter bunnies.

Brenda lived in a lovely country village about half an hour away, she had worked in the office for 20 years now, and had seen lots of comings and goings and different personalities clashing, she did not want any nonsense. She had a Newcastle accent and was the office manager. She wore clothes from Marks and Spencer and shoes from Russell and Bromley and always made sure she had bright blonde short cropped hair.

Brenda looked out of the window that overlooked the car park and could see cigarette smoke coming out of Charlie's beaten up Hillman Avenger. She marched down the office stairs to catch him and tell him to come back to work.

Julie was watching all this from her desk, then she sat down and got a biro out of the drawer in her desk. When she looked up from getting it, Gary was standing there.

"Hello" he said "would you like to have dinner with me tonight?". His blonde hair looked sleek and dark, it was pushed back with some kind of gel.  
"Do you fancy the pub or an Indian restaurant or maybe McDonalds?".

Meanwhile Brenda Graham walked down the fire escape to catch Charlie Sparrow sitting in his car.

Brenda walked across the car park and found the Hillman Avenger, " do you mind if I join you? " She asked, opening the car door of the passenger side.

"not at all" said Charlie

"What is the matter with you these days?" said Brenda. "you have a dreadful temper and you must not use it with staff, as they are getting fed up of it and it doesn't look very clever"

"I'm sorry Brenda" said Charlie, he had known Brenda for years, and knew she understood his ways, probably more than he did himself. He sighed and sat back in his seat taking long drags of his cigarette.

When Brenda was young, she was very beautiful and was a PA to a rich estate agent. She wore sharp black suits and had long straight black hair and a sullen face. She was perfect at her Donnab and she took no prisoners, she was instrumental in many bridging loan and gazumping scandals and knew a lot of things about people in the community that nobody else knew.

Unfortunately this made her disliked by many women and admired by many men. She made a lot of money from being in the property business and owned three houses in town and one in rance. She was a proud woman.

However she was not afraid of being disliked and used it to her advantage to dominate and intimidate people and get deals done quickly, now that she was working the office, she felt sad that she could not be an estate agent anymore and missed the good old days bitterly. She just had to settle for her mediocre office Jonesnesb but she was unaware that a lot of people secretly looked up to her and saw her as their mentor.

Charlie felt humbled by Brenda and wished he had the courage to have a fling with her, but he did not think it would work. He was thinking this as he was following a group of hoodies who had decided to walk into the staff car park and light up joints and kick beer cans around. He was angry that they thought they could get away with that and he was going to go up to them and have a go at them.

* * *

"the pub would be lovely" said Julie, she could not believe her luck, how exciting she thought. She was already planning in her head what she was going to wear.

Julie went into town with her friends Hannah and Rachel to see if she could find something to wear for going out with Gary in.

The club music in Debenhams played a mesmeric hippy tune, and Julie was seduced into the more expensive sections of the woman swear department.

There were long tops and short tops, tight dresses, stripy tunics, long cardigans, short cardigans, long boots, flat shoes, she had no idea. In the end she decided she would wear a nice gold silky maxi dress with a black short cardigan. She decided she would wear her hair down, so that it looked long dark, silky and shiny in it's blonde colour. She kept finding herself walking towards the underwear section but then strictly walking herself back to the cardigans again.

She bought some nice black patent sandals to go with the outfit, with a matching handbag, she nearly went overdrawn.

At 7.00pm, Gary picked her up from her flat in his BMW Z3, he stood outside and leaned against the car to wait for her. He was wearing a long black overcoat and brown loakes with his hair looking newly blonde, - a bit David Bowie Julie thought.

"Well hello" he said "your carriage to McDonalds awaits"

"Ha ha" said Julie.

She stepped into the car and fastened her seatbelt, they drove swiftly into town in the dusky early evening air. The shops were just closing, and the rush hour was just ending. The streetlights polluted the night sky.

They got to McDonalds and luckily there was a chain Italian restaurant next to it, so they went there instead. They ordered half a bottle of wine, and sat at a table by the window.

"So what are you into then?" asked Gary staring and leaning forward inquisitively.

"Embroidery and kittens" Jonesnesked Julie "no seriously, I enJonesnesy painting and cooking and going out with my friends, and of course shopping.

"Of Course" said Gary.

"What are you into?" asked Julie

"I like listening to my ipod and watching DVDs and sometimes I play golf" said Gary.

The waitress came up and took their orders from the menu. They realised that they hadn't even looked at it yet.

"I'll just have a vegetarian pizza" said Julie.

"Me too" said Gary.

Just then, a man with brown spiky hair and a bright blue shirt on walked in "look threes' my friend Captain Parrott" said Gary.

"Who's he?" asked Julie, "he's my best friend from school, he's a millionaire now and he lives in a big house boat on the Thames and he has a rock band called Bird Flu".

"Bird flu?, that's a strange name" Julie laughed "You will have to introduce me" enthused Julie.

Captain Parrott walked over

"Evening All" he said, bending his knees.

"Hello Stu, said Gary "what's new with you then?"

"I'm just drifting with my guitar on my boat, watching the world go by and drinking some beers" said Stu

Stu had a kind of mysterious stage presence that left Julie open mouthed, but she knew it was all an act, he was a bit of a prat really.

"So, who's this bird then" he asked, looking down at Julie and frowning.

"I'm Julie" said Julie in a naïve tone, looking rather obviously in awe at Captain Parrott.

Captain Parrott sat down and started to strum a guitar

"I am sailing, I am sailing" he sang.

Julie listened for a while and then walked off and sat back down at the table

"Come on Gary, lets' eat our meal" she begged

Gary came back over and sat down with Julie in the crowded restaurant and they ate their pizzas together.

The following day, Julie got to work late, she hung up her coat in the staffroom and put her handbag in the drawer in her desk.

Tony Barnes was walking around the office handing out sweets and laughing she thought it was probably his birthday. He always laughed in an infectious way, even if it was a laugh that was at someone else's expense.

He came up to her desk and held out the bag of sweets, she put her hand in the bag and he closed the bag around her hand so that she could not get anything. She glared at him and looked away. Sometimes he was just a bit too stupid for words. He laughed to himself and walked away to another section and started to annoy them with his sweet hiding trick, they told him where to go, and he looked sad and walked back to his desk.

Brenda Graham came up to her desk with some typing to do. Julie took the typing and buried herself in her work. She had her date with Gary, it was exciting and intriguing, she wondered if he had sent her any texts, so she checked her mobile phone. He had sent her three texts, one with a hello and a smiley face, one with a missing you and a sad face, and another one with a smiley face with sunglasses. She was pleased that he was still thinking of her, and smiled to herself.

That night, Julie went home and made some tuna pasta for herself, Hannah and Rachel, who were coming round. She boiled the pasta in some water, then drained it and mixed the tuna in with some herbs. She sang to herself as she did this, and she sang one of Captain Parrotts songs, she found his website on the internet and had found lots of good songs that he had written.

Just then, her mobile phone rang, it was Gary.

"Hello" he said

"How are you? I miss you" he said in a hushed voice.

Julie swooned

"I'm fine" she stammered "how are you?"

"I'm ok, I'm tired after work, I'm just going to watch some tv, would you like to come round?"

"Yes I'd love to" said Julie.

"Ok, what time can you come say 8.30?"

"Yes, that would be cool"

Julie sat down to eat her dinner, suddenly she didn't feel so hungry anymore, but she made herself eat a few mouthfuls like a badly behaved toddler. After that, she went into her room and put on some jeans and a long black t-shirt, and some make-up, perfume and jewellery, then she jumped in her car and drove to Gary's flat.

The traffic was quite busy which made Julie feel quite annoyed, but she took a few deep breaths and counted to ten and then she felt better. She had put on her best marks and spencers silk underwear just in case, but the underwired bra was cutting into her and her mind kept slipping into fantasy mode about her and Gary.

She was sitting on the sofa with him when he suddenly lifted up her top and looked at her in her bra, and said 'very sexy' .

Julie swerved to avoid a passing cyclist and blushed when he mouthed "you fucking fuck" at her how embarrassing she thought. She turned left into Garys' road and immediately slowed the car down and took some deep breaths. His road was lined with trees with lots of blocks of modern posh flats.

She pressed Gary's doorbell and he came rushing down the stairs to meet her. He was wearing a lovely blue and white stripy polo shirt.

"hello" he said in a soft voice, then he kissed her on the cheek, "you look lovely, come in, and sit down on the sofa and I'll get you a drink". Julie suddenly realised that this was only the second date and she was sitting in his flat, there was something wrong there probably,

"Shall we go for a walk?" Julie suggested.

"Ok" said Gary, I'll get my coat.

They walked down the road, slowly and made small talk, then they decided to go to the local pub - the feathers which they passed

"Let's stop here" said Gary.

He turned to Julie and stared into her eyes then he put his hands on her shoulders and smiled at her, "what can I get you to drink?"

"I'll have a vodka and coke" said Julie.

They stepped inside the pub, it was modern, with wooden floors and leather sofas. Gary went to the bar and got the drinks and Julie sat on a leather sofa and waited for him. She found it hard not to stare at his svelte physique as he stood at the bar, she had butterflies in her stomach.

The next Monday, she walked into town at lunchtime to go to the pub with Rachel and Hannah, she noticed that the pub had some lovely hanging baskets. She had been telling Rachel and Hannah all about Gary, and they were eager to hear all the details but in a discreet environment,

"So, come on, tell us was it good, you know what I mean"

"Greased Lightning" said Julie. It was fantastic, he is so hot. Hannah and Rachel grinned as they all ate their ploughmans' lunch.

After they had eaten their lunch, they walked down the towpath near the pub, and watched the ducks swim on the canal water. It was a lovely summers' day and the sun was shining.

The three women walked happily along the towpath, oblivious to the fact that Charlie Sparrow was walking behind them with Shane Gosling.

Shane and Charlie were plotting one of their poker weekends on their friend Geezers' narrow boat that he kept moored by the bridge \- Geezer was so named because he looked like Geezer Butler from Motorhead. Charlie was smoking one of his Rizzler roll ups and spitting disgustingly every now and again. Geezer was generally scruffy, overweight and unshaven, they were also very drunk on Charlie's whisky that he kept on Geezers boat, they had drunk the whole bottle between them. They walked to the park and then fell asleep on a bench.

Brenda Graham would have been absolutely disgusted if she had seen them, and would have given them one of her looks.

Julie Donnanes was walking in the park with Hannah and Rachel, and saw Charlie lying asleep on thebench.

"Poor Charlie said Julie. I wonder what's wrong with him"

She liked Charlie.

Charlie walked home to his bedsit where he lived with Donna. She was waiting for him in the lounge. It must be my lucky night, he thought. It was Friday night and she was wearing her short green lacy dress with her best pink underwear underneath. He sighed when he saw her and his trousers felt tight. He wanted her right there and then, but he felt a bit tired after work and started to wonder what was happening in Eastenders. She looked at him longingly, and he could see right up her skirt. They always had sex as if they had just met each other, they were both quite needy people and needed a lot of touching and kissing.

Charlie sat next to Donna and looked down her top, then he lifted it above her breasts that were in her black lacy bra. He put his finger between them then he kissed her there, and pulled her nipples one at a time while tracing the line of her panties and then fingering her as if he were a 15 year old schoolboy.

She kissed his neck and stroked his hair, then laid on his lap and tasted him under his calvin Klein boxer shorts. He moaned loudly as he stroked her hair.

Then it was all over, and they turned Eastenders on.

Julie walked to work the next day, she looked stunning in a black silk suit and black high heels she felt very confident. The weather was cold but cosy, and she wore her new black boucle coat. She had been to her art class the night before and had painted a scene of a beautiful moonlit river with swans on it. It was a very detailed picture and she was proud of it.

The next day at the office, there was lots of whispering and talking in lowered voices. There were new managers and people were nervous, they looked scary. Everyone was on their best behaviour and the office ran like clockwork. The new bosses were smartly dressed in black suits and were walking around with concerned powerful looks on their faces,

It was autumn and the leaves were turning red and the summer colours were disappearing. Dark autumn like shades of clothes were worn by women in the office, and the old raggedy grey cardigans came out that people kept In their drawers for cold days. People started to look glum and miserable at the thought of winter descending and the thought of Christmas shopping.

Suddenly Tony Barnes says in a stage whisper "I see the big wigs are here"

There was a hushed silence and scurrying around. The big wigs continued to walk around the office, talking to people and looking important. They were asking lots of questions and writing things down and talking quietly on their mobile phones.

Nobody knew who these people were, staff just carried on working and whispering, and worrying and looking cross.

Julie was typing a letter on her computer and feeling nervous about the big wigs and trying not to listen to Tony Barnes frequent embarrassing anecdotes.

She was wearing her favourite long blue cardigan and her black shirt dress. Donna Sparrow came up to her and offered her one of her rich tea biscuits

"Thanks" said Julie.

Charlie Sparrow was out in the car park perusing the big wigs' posh cars, there was a Lexus, a BMW and a Daimler, all were black and shiny and had this years number plates. "Oh to be a millionaire" he dreamt. Then he dropped his cigarette and kicked it under one of them.

He went back inside and did his usual tour of the building. He wished he had a more exciting job like an actor or a tour guide or something like that. But he was quite shy and did not care much for foreign people or posh people or people who did not live near him and like the things that he liked. He sat down on the step of a fire exit and started to read one of Donnas magazines. Inside was a competition and the winning prize was to present "This Morning" that would be exciting he thought. It would be such a laugh and he loved cooking, so he could go on there and do his best corn beef hash and Sherry Trifle.

Donna came out into the carpark to find him "come back inside and have a coffee with me" she pleaded. He was enjoying his own company and his cigarette so he was a little miffed at this and tutted and reluctantly took her hand and went back into the office.

Donna had the next catalogue spread out on the canteen counter "so what do you think of this 3 piece suite Charlie" she said "do you think it would be better in blue or green"  
"Yes that would be nice" said Charlie not looking at the catalogue.

Donna sighed and went over to talk to Tony Barnes.

"Let me help you out of those wet clothes" said Tony, licking his finger and touching Donnas' shoulder"

"Piss off Tony" said Donna.

She took the catalougue over to Charlie and said that she was going to Next at the weekend and she would like to order the blue sofa and he should go halves with here. He eventually agreed.

Meanwhile Julie was sitting at a table drinking her coffee

"Hey, let me have a look at that next catalogue" she asked, as she wanted to look for tablecloths and a new tracksuit.

Julie gave it to her and drank her coffee.

"Would you like a coffee Donna?" she asked

"yes please, black no sugar" she said.

Julie went into the kitchen and made the coffee, as she stirred it, she stared into the dark black translucent liquid and felt lonely. She wished she could be at home with her friends Hannah and Rachel and watch tv rather than be at work filing and being bored.

Rachel had just bought a new car that was a ford puma, it looked very glamorous as she drove it along and Julie felt jealous. She did not drive and just took the bus everywhere.

Julie decided to phone Gary to see how he was. She invited him round for dinner tonight. He would be round at seven thirty.

She went back to her filing and did not feel so bored, as she knew she was seeing Gary tonight, her heart beat really fast as she planned what she was going to wear and what she was going to cook for him.

On the way home she went to Sainsburys and bought some braising steak and some vegetables and some nice pototatoes to make a casserole.

By the time she got home it was dark. She opened the front door and dumped the shopping down, then she sat on the sofa for a bit. After that she put the shopping away in the cupboard and the fridge, she was looking forward to this evening and began looking through recipe books for a nice casserole recipe. She used her red china casserole dish with white spots on. Chopping up the vegetables felt liberating and therapeutic after her hard day at work. But she kept finding herself thinking of Gary and sighing and feeling hot, it had been a while since she had last seen him.

She put the casserole in the oven and then went into the lounge to watch tv. She had just turned on Eastenders when Hannah phoned and said she would be home late tonight as she was going to the cinema with her friend. "Well that's cool" thought Julie "Gary and I can have more time alone together.

As Eastenders finished she turned over to ITV. "It is exciting for us to announce that the new guest presenters of This Morning will be Charlie and Donna Sparrow" said the announcer. Julie did a double take, surely this was not the security guard from her office and his girlfriend?. The tv showed pictures of them sure enough "Tune in next Thursday at 10.30am to see the guest presenters" said the announcer.

Just then, the doorbell rang, it was Gary. Julie opened the door and Gary was standing there, wearing his long green overcoat, cowboy boots, faded jeans and his favourite soul cal t-shirt. "You look nice" said Julie. "So do you" said Gary. He reached over to her and kissed her on the lips.

"Come in and help me finish off the dinner" said Julie.

Gary chopped the vegetables and Julie seared the meat. Gary's chopping was very thick and uneven, Julie tried not to watch but she let him put it in the casserole anyway. Julie put the seared meat in the casserole with the vegetables and then opened a tin of potatoes and put them in.

"Fancy visiting the bedroom, before dinner?" asked Gary. Julie nodded and then they went upstairs quickly.

Suddenly the pinger of the oven went off. Julie got out of bed and put her dressing gown on to cover her modesty.

She had not been with Gary long and she still shaved her legs and bought new underwear to show herself off to him when they were making love, however the underwear did not stay on for long. Gary was fast asleep next to her. She nudged him and said "Come on, it's time for dinner.

Dinner was lovely, the casserole tasted lovely with the bottle of Wolfblass that Gary had bought.

They could not stop staring at each other and found it hard to concentrate on eating as they were still full of lust for each other. Gary stroked Julie's leg with his foot under the table and squeezed her hand. Julie stroked his leg back and felt hot.

"Lets' do the washing up" said Julie...

The next day was Monday. Tony Barnes was boasting about how he had just bought an executive ipad that clipped ontop of his laptop. He was proudly showing it off to people and he was wearing one of his brightly coloured Magnanice polo shirts, which was in a rather putrid mustard colour.

He spoke in his best Bertie Wooster voice "...and I have got the next model reserved on order for Christmas". People near Tony rolled their eyes and carried on with their work. Tony looked around for an audience.

Julie was secretly watching Tony, perhaps he has missed his vocation as a stand- up comedian she thought. She imagined him on "Live at the Regent" in a bright yellow suit, smoking a cigar and telling Lenny Bruce style Donnakes.

Kirstie from accounts came up to Julie "Don't watch him please, you'll just encourage him and he will carry on behaving like a cockface.

"Yes Kirstie" said Julie.

The black suited people were in again. This time, they were borrowing peoples computers and asking them lots of questions about their passwords and if they make personal phone calls at work or if they use "Screenfriend" at work. Everyone lied and said they didn't of course.

Gary was talking to the black suited people in a low voice, trying to find out what was

going on. However, they just said yes and no to him and looked at him over the top of their reading glasses in a superior manner.

Charlie Sparrow could not believe his luck. He was shopping in Oxford Street for an outfit for his This Morning appearance. He did not have a clue about suits, he just knew he either wanted to look like James Bond or Michael Caine when he was in "Get Carter".

It was a rainy day and the shops were crowded. It was hard to get near the shop to see which one it was, let alone get in the door, and all the clothes looked very posh and strange and not what his cup of tea was. He wished he had brought someone with him.

Tony Barnes was also in London, shopping for an outfit for his annual golf club dinner. He wanted to look good for the ladies, so he thought he would buy a superdry shirt and

team it with a pair of chinos and his Jack Wills Blazer.

He went into Superdry and felt very old, he tried not to show his age and sing along to the Creedance Clearwater revival song that was playing loudly in the shop, and messed about with his hair in the mirror so that his brown lowlights covered up his greying fringe.

"Hello Sir, are you looking for something for your daughter" asked the sales assistant.

Tony had found himself in the middle of a display of brightly coloured tight skinny tshirts for women, (he looked like he was in a mannequin version of the robert palmer music video "addicted to love" but he was a bit older than Robert Palmer was at the time).

"Ha, yes I am, she likes the pink one I think" said Tony, turning a shade of pink himself and turning away.

He quickly bought the pink t-shirt and dashed out of the shop. He then found himself looking in the window of Jack Wills where they had some rather nice tweed jackets - well I may as well look the part he thought. He entered Jack Wills and was instantly pounced on by an Oxbridge young bloke who was very enthusiastic

"Hello Sir, let me show you our new golfing range" he said. Tony grimaced, as he looked at the "Terry Scott in Terry and June" 1970's Gabicci style stripy polo shirts, he was rather hoping he looked more like Rob Lowe or Donnahn Travolta.

The wind was howling in the autumn air, and the autumn leaves scattered the pavement.

Charlie Sparrow was wondering aimlessly along Oxford street, he had seen lots of shirts and suits, but everything reminded him of the stuck up people who he worked with, who he did not want to ressemble. He decided he would go for the american look and go for an expensive leather jacket and polo shirt. He looked across the road and saw the shop Superdry.

As he walked into the shop he turned heads, he was kind of handsome in a Patrick Swayze/Tucker Jenkins kind of way. He forgot that he had just lit his Rizzler and set of a small smoke alarm. A scary mafia looking man in a black suit came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"I suggest you put that out sir" he said. Charlie dropped the cigarette and stubbed it out with an angry foot. The mafia man tutted and walked away.

"Can I help you sir" asked a small woman with blonde hair in a tight pink t-shirt.

"Certainly" said Charlie grinning from ear to ear.

"I am looking for a suitable outfit to be worn on tv as I am appearing on daytime tv very soon", he said this in his best Laurence Llewellyn Bowen voice, feeling like a fish out of water.

"Ooh that sounds exciting said the blonde woman, you will have to look good for that then, let me show you our new range of skinny jeans and polo shirts. She walked across to a rail of jeans that were blue, green and navy in colour and took Charlie back to his Sid Vicious pogo-ing days in Southend.

"Ha, I can't wear them" he said "I'm nearly forty seven". The sales assistant smiled, trying to hide her amusement, "what is your size?" she asked "16 waist" said Charlie. He then spied some rather fetching cardigans on another rail, but thought he would try the jeans and the polo shirt on first.

He went in the changing room and put on the jeans, they fit perfectly. He smiled to himself proudly in the mirror, then noticed all his crows feet on his eyes, that were unfortunately accentuated by the spotlights in the changing room that modern shops always seem to have. "Perhaps I should stop by boots and get some advice on skincare while I'm here" he thought.

He then tried on a bright turquoise polo shirt with the navy skinny jeans and smiled proudly at himself in the mirror and puffed out his chest.

Suddenly his mobile phone rang, he hoped it was not Donna shopping in London as well, hoping to meet him, he did not want her to look glamorous on This Morning, he walked past Marks and Spencers and saw some navy polo neck jumpers that would suit her and cover her up. He did not want any other man to see her.

Donna was in Marks and Spencer trying on black suits. The trousers were always too long or the jacket sleeves were too short. She was getting angry and frustrated. It was hot in the changing room, she thought she would probably go home and do internet shopping. She tried to phone Charlie but there was no answer, he loved clothes shopping and was an impulse buyer.

Charlie went to the till point and bought his clothes. He had spent more money than he meant to and had put his clothes on in a rush, so that his t-shirt was Inside out and his shirt was buttoned up wrongly.

His phone rang again. It was Donna. She told him she had bought a maxi dress from marks and spencer that was glittery in pleated chiffon. and now she was looking in Dune for some matching shoes. Charlie was worried about how much money she was spending but he kept quiet because Donna sounded really happy, which wasn't a very common trait in Donna. She seemed to have permanent pmt at home and was always slamming doors and getting headaches and moaning.

They arranged to meet outside the Trocadero, and then go and get something to eat.

Charlie walked towards Leicester Square, it was a cold day and the wind was blowing, and people were hurrying along in long coats and scarves. He felt a sparkle inside of him with his new clothes in the posh carrier bag in his hand. He was almost tempted to buy a lottery ticket or a posh box of cigars.

Suddenly Charlie spied Donna standing outside the big record shop on the corner of Leicester Square. He remembered the first time he had seen her in the Feathers pub, when she turned round and her hair swept around her like a silkience advert, she had long hair then , and it was bright red.

He ran towards her, their eyes met and he gave her a big kiss and squeezed her right buttock. She looked lustily at him and stroked the side of his arm.

They walked arm in arm to a fancy restaurant and had a nice expensive dinner.

Julie was at Sainsburys, she was buying some soap and shampoo and cleaning products. Everything she wanted had moved to a different aisle or sold out, this annoyed her as she had come shopping with a specific plan. She had a plan to do a big spring clean of her flat, and then maybe buy some new furniture. She was going to hire a carpet cleaner and dust and wash down all the skirting boards, and wax polish the floor. She was not keen on cleaning, but she wanted to motivate herself and try to have a well ordered clean flat. She knew it would make her feel good, but she just needed a bit more motivation. She decided to phone Gary up and ask him if he wanted to help.

"Yes sure, shall I come round tonight"

Julie hesitated, she hadn't meant to get started that soon, but it would be good to have an extra pair of hands and she could get Hannah and Rachel involved as well - they were never motivated about cleaning and had to be asked at least five times when it was their turn to do the washing up. They would rather be texting on their I phones or listening to their ipods. Sometimes Julie felt like the frustrated angry mother of teenage children.

Julie was looking forward to Gary coming round to help her, he always made her feel calm and understood. She was so lucky to have a man like that.

"Sure Gary, come round about six" said Julie. That would just give her time to get changed and organise the new and existing cleaning products ready for the spring clean.

When she got home, Julie arranged all the cleaning products neatly and then read all the labels. She then got all the dusters and cloths out and rinsed them through. Finally she swept the kitchen floor.

The doorbell rang. It was the postman with some of her amazon books. She took them and put them in her bedroom under the bed and out of the way.

She was just about to sit down in front of the tv when Gary rang the doorbell. He had bought lots of cleaning products with him in a bucket.

"I thought you might like these" he said.

He came in the front door.

"I have written down an operational plan" he announced.

"Then you can do the cleaning once a week and I can come and inspect it and put you in detention if necessary"

"Ha Ha" laughed Julie. She took the list from Gary and read through it, it looked really good, so she put it on the notice board.

"Lets start with number 1, 'empty cupboards'" she said, and began emptying all the food cupboards which were mainly tins and packets.

"I will have to put them on the floor, as I haven't thought bags through yet" she said.

"What about freezer bags and carrier bags" said Gary.

"Yes, I have some of them said Julie.

There was the sound of a key in the front door, Hannah and Rachel had come home, Julie had not told them about her cleaning plan yet, she was not sure what their reaction would be.

Tony Barnes was in the office early on Monday morning, he was trying to change the ink cartridge in his pen, empty his bin and tidy his desk before Brenda's weekly unofficial office cleanliness inspection. He picked up a pile of papers and shoved them under his desk, then he hid his Sunday Sport calendar in his desk drawer.

Julie Donnanes came up to him, she wanted to give him some post, but he looked pre-occupied and stressed.

"Boo" she shouted and laughed.

Tony turned round and frowned at her "What do you want?" he asked.

"Here is your post" said Julie.

"Oh thanks darling" he said sounding apologetic, he liked it when someone bought the post round to him, it made him feel wanted. He got his letter knife out of his drawer and started to open the envelopes.

"That's ok " said Julie, then she went over to the post room to take back the post trolley. Donna was there.  
"Hi Julie, how are you?" she asked

"I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm fine" said Donna, "I may have some exciting news soon!"

"Oh yes" said Julie "Are you expecting a baby"

Donna shrieked and looked at her stomach that was hiding under a navy tshirt and short black skirt

"No fear," she said, "Actually Charlie and I are going to be appearing on This Morning as guest presenters"

"Never" said Julie,"how exciting, wait till I tell everyone"

"No," said Donna quietly, "please don't tell anyone yet, we want it to be a secret in case we make idiots of ourselves, but I'm telling you because you're my mate".

Julie often made cups of tea for Donna, and sometimes went to the supermarket or the post office for her, as she was often busy. Donna in return gave Julie lifts and got stuff from Ebay for her, because Julie was not very good at bidding for things as her maths was not up to much.

Tony Barnes was standing at the coffee machine, he really fancied Julie, he imagined her running through a cornfield in slow motion with the wind in her hair and wearing a see-through lacy long white dress.

He thought he was probably a bit old for her, but they had some good chats together, and he liked the way she wore her cardigans half done up, so that you could see her little white tshirt underneath. He sighed, and shifted from foot to foot as he waited for the machine to make his coffee. He knew he had to go to Sainsburys tonight, but he hated shopping and supermarkets, but he was getting fed up with buying kebabs every night.

"Hey Julie" he said "You look nice today"

"Thanks" said Julie, blushing "how are you? I like your shirt".

Tony was wearing one of his navy check shirts that made him look like he had a nice six pack.

He puffed his chest out, and smiled one of his mischievious smiles.

"Well, I like to look good, I love clothes shopping, but unfortunately tonight I have to go to Sainsburys, which I hate, it is so dull doing food shopping, always the same thing every week, but they've moved it to a different aisle and put the price up.

"I'm going to Sainsburys tonight, perhaps I might bump into you" enthused Julie.

Tony pretended he hadn't heard her and walked back to his desk with his coffee.

Charlie was in the car park again, talking to the window cleaner.

"So" he said "Hows' business?"

"It's doing well, I've got this office block now, and the one next door he said.

Brenda came out and said to Charlie "Why are you out here, aren't you supposed to be helping me carry the storage boxes into the warehouse.

"Sorry Brenda" said Charlie.

"Is it your tv appearance soon?" asked Brenda.

"Yes, I've got my outfit for it and everything now" said Charlie. He started to walk back to the office to get on with his work. He wanted to make something of himself and so he had decided that he was going to work a lot harder. He had got to work earlier and had decided to start sorting out all the boxes in the spare office. He wanted to bury himself in his work and keep busy. He even decided he was going to give up smoking and the pool club (which he went to on Friday and Saturday nights and always drank too much or stayed up too late at, and then felt awful the next day.)

He always wished he'd tried harder at school, he spent too much time playing football, writing on desks and looking up stairwells. He wished he had gone to university and had a different life where he met interesting people and could speak properly and go out to posh restaurants – instead he had become a nobody (well someone with low self esteem) as a security guard with a council flat, a second hand car and an account at Ladbrokes, and an acquired taste sense of humour.

Julie drove into Sainsburys car park, she could not help thinking that she might bump into Tony. She had her shopping list in her coat pocket (eggs, bananas, shampoo, butter, casserole meat, potatoes, frozen peas, bleach, kitchen roll) she walked into Sainsburys and got a basket. It was quiet there today, there were not many people in the aisles, just some retired people, the odd housewife, and a few college teenagers who seemed to stand a the end of each aisle and she had to push her way past them.

She got to the frozen food aisle to get the peas, there were finest peas, cheap peas, French peas, even Chinese peas - that was too much choice!. Eventually she went for cheap peas and bought 3 packs of them. She then started to walk towards the biscuit and cake aisle as she fancied some angel cake. She was wearing her favourite pink raincoat that was shiny and sexy and had a nice belt that tied smoothly round her small waist.

She went to go to the makeup aisle but then she thought she would be there all day and forget about the food shopping!.

It was pouring with rain outside and it made her feel miserable, she wished she was with Gary, he made her feel so happy and not lonely, and when he touched her she always flushed and felt hot. She felt guilty about this as her childhood had been rather authoritarian and Victorian. Her mother was very strict and always made her wear boring clothes and sensible shoes and never gave her enough pocket money which she insisted she spent in Woolworths and not the market, but Julie liked to go to the marked and buy earrings and lace gloves like Madonna. She liked doing that as then she could escape from reality and lose herself in 80's fashion. She sighed, and carried on shopping.

Tony rushed into Sainsburys, he wanted to get back home in time for top gear, but he knew he needed to buy some new tshirts and some oven meals (meals you could just stick them in the oven and then go and watch tv for a bit until the pinger goes off). He did not have the patience to cook anything from scratch, it was hard enough trying to open the packages that the frozen food came in as it was.

He rushed down the tins aisle, picking up 6 tins of backed beans, 4 tins of peaches, 5 tins of spaghetti, then he stopped to tye his shoelace and a little boy of about 3 nearly knocked him over as he ran past. Tony glared at the boy, he was not used to children.

He stood up again and there standing next to him was Julie, looking at the crisps at the front of the shelf of the crisps aisle.

"hello" he said "fancy meeting you here". She looked tired and worn and vulnerable, it made him flush and look down with his hands in his pockets.

"Do you know how I could something nice for my tea in here?" he asked.

"Oh I don't know" said Julie " that depends what you really want, what about spaghetti Bolognese or something, that's fairly easy to make, you just brown the mince. Put it in a saucepan, boil the spaghetti and bobs your uncle".

"Thanks" said Tony with a grin, Julie seemed very passionate in telling him how to cook the meal, he thought she was trying to impress him.

"Anyway, see you soon" said Julie, and rushed off.

Tony walked on moodily carrying on with his shopping.

The next day in the office Julie was busy working at her desk. She had to finish all the purchase orders by the end of the day and time was running out. She felt stressed and had already drunk three cups of coffee and would really rather be at home asleep on the sofa.

She was wearing her favourite cardigan which was grey with orange edging. It cheered her up and spurred her on to finishing her work.

Tony walked past her and gave her a friendly smile. Then he went in the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Julie followed him, "hey let me help you with that" she said, pouring the milk. She felt nervous around him, and tried not to look at his tight jeans and his neck. She felt very excited as well and kept having what she didn't know whether they were inappropriate thoughts but were just fantasies that everyone has, but she felt like she wanted to stand in the middle of the kitchen undo her blouse, and show him how hard her nipples were.

She shivered and looked away, but Tony had seen her and he caught her gaze and blushed and smiled.

Julie walked home from work feeling hot and sad at the same time.

Tony thought Julie was very sexy and naughty, he could not leave the kitchen because he was so excited, his face was flushed and his trousers were tight, he could not move. He poured himself a glass of cold water and counted to one hundred backwards. He was quite a shy person really, he just had a lot to say for himself at work, but it was just a mask and an act to cope with his insecurities.

Tony walked home from work feeling hot and a little bit sad.

Gary was in Currys, he could not decide which memory stick to buy, did he want a posh Sony one, or a currys own one, or a fancy Japanese one. He wanted to print off some pictures he had taken of Julie with the work camera, he was in some of the pictures as well, and they looked so happy together.

Julie was in the garden in one of the photos and her hair was sweeping over her shoulders onto her classic black next cardigan. This cardigan got frequently worn by other female members of staff who owned the same one in varying sizes, this caused arguments and occasionally the cardigan became badly stretched or ripped and it smelt of coffee and cigarettes, not very pleasant really.

He decided he would stick the pictures up by his desk on the partition by his computer.

The second picture was of her and Donna and Karla, Karla was kind of sneering and sticking her chest out, and Donna was smiling and wearing a hooded top that was too tight, people were standing in the background laughing and pointing.

It was nearly the day of Charlie and Donnas' appearance on This Morning. They had been sent all the details and had lots of forms to fill in. He decided to fill them in in the staff room so that people could help him with spelling and words he did not understand, and he could tell people proudly about how he was going to be on the tv.

The form was three pages long, and he sensibly decided to do it in pencil first - which was Donnas idea, - she had wanted to fill it in but Charlie said that he wanted to do it, so he had sneaked it into his trouser pocket and got into work early. He sat down on a staffroom chair and started to fill it in. He filled in his name, address and age, then donnas name address and age. Then he answered the questions on it.

Brenda Graham was shopping in Marks and Spencer, it was one of those days when all the mothers were in with their pushchairs, and you couldn't get to the oven ready meals very easily. People were pushing and shoving and children were screaming and pushing. There was a colourful array of sweet wrappers being held by the children and there were long queues at the tills.

Brenda went to a self service till and put in her shopping, she had to put each thing in several times before the machine accepted it, and there was no-one around to help her. She remembered when she was a rich estate agent when she could step into the delicatessan of a local village to get her shopping and get proper one to one customer service. She used to visit some lovely villages in the county of Angshire where she lived.

Now she was in the centre of Angshire in the county town of Angford, and it was all concrete jungles and impersonal exchanges in shops.

Angshire was a beautiful county, full of rolling hills, farmland and rivers. It had many fruit orchards and roman ruins. She would show people around houses that were converted barns or large executive homes with granny annexes and the occasional farmhouse. This was in the eighties when money was no object and women wore laura Ashley flowery lounge curtain pattern dresses and men wore Charles Tyrwhitt shirts, and everything was superficial and boastful.

Brenda used to work for wealthy estate agents who were mainly arrogant and money grabbing, they were always trying to outdo each other and a lot of the estate agencies were family businesses so there was a bloodline of selfishness and greed.

She just took it in her stride however, and let that kind of behaviour go over her head, she tried to get her own team of women estate agents and secretaries to estate agents together to act as a kind of mafia to divide and conquer the alpha male isHannah in the estate agents'office.

Everyone always went to the pub at lunch time and as it was the eighties and it was before pubs closed early and breathalisers were prevalent, you had to be able to hold your drink and Donnain in with the estate agent banter. You also had to pretend that you were an estate agents secretary who behaved like a bimbo and an airhead, the business talk was very cliquey, and you had to help with the bosses Christmas shopping and write all his Christmas cards. Sometimes she got a bit friendly with her colleagues in the local wine bar and there was lots of innuendo and bottom pinching that you had to put up with.

Tony really wanted Julie, he was at home flipping through the St Jude's Schoolmistress channel and looking at the girls to see if any of them looked like Julie so that he could fantasise. His flatmate had tried to put a block on his magazine subscription after an embarrassing recycle bin incident, so he needed another "output". However, the tv was fairy disappointing which annoyed him. He had often pretended he was Mr Barnes and Julie had come to his office at 4pm because she had been caught doing the school slut impressions in the school shower to a paying male audience. Her punishment for that made him shiver and take a deep breath.

Acer Ridge was getting ready for Christmas, there were carol singers and shop sales and beautiful coloured lights everywhere and a feeling of hope and warmth. The Jeffrey Jackson department store had a nineteen twenties theme with lots of Charleston dancers and pianos and brightly decorated Christmas trees, and even a snow machine. Julie and Gary held hands and kissed. Julie was wearing her favourite Next overcoat which was black and long, and Gary was wearing his favourite crombie overcoat which was dark green and antique.

They watched children throwing snowballs and shouting and laughing, in the street and there were stalls selling mulled wine and pashminas of every colour.

Gary and Julie were now living together and they decided to redecorate Julies lounge.

Hannah and Rachel had moved out some months ago, and they had given a big party with lots of dancing and cake and soul and r and b music. Julie and Gary danced the night away. Julie felt sad that Hannah and Rachel were leaving. She had enJonesnesyed living with them. Julie invited some of her friends from work and from her painting class. As a leaving present she bought them both a big Persian style rug each from the local department store and some candles.

Hannah had a boyfriend now called Jonesneshn, who was a plumber, he had his own flat so she was going to move in with him there. She had met him on Screenfriend and then they had met up in the local nightclub. Hannah had worn her favourite black dress with the lacy back, and her lucky silver sandals. They worked a treat as Jonesneshn swept her off her feet and took her to the vodka bar next to the nightclub and told her that he thought she was a lovely kind woman, very beautiful and she always wore posh clothes. Sue was quite feisty and asked him to come outside where she kissed him, and he could not stop kissing her back.

Rachel however, had a boyfriend called Rob who she had met at a her gym. They went for late night swims together, and then they had dinner in the local Chinese restaurant while they were falling in love, and they gazed longingly into each others eyes. Soon they would have lots of children and live in a high rise flat.

Julie and Gary were looking forward to spending Christmas in their new house. Julie had gone out and bought some nice white Laura Ashley Victorian style mirrors quickly before Gary had been living with her too long to start criticising her taste in furniture. She was pleased with the new décor. She bought a small Chandelier for the ceiling and a large double bed so that she and Gary could relax at the weekend.

Tony was in the park. It was raining. He was wearing his favourite parka. The trees looked dark and mysterious in the rain and he had just walked up the big foresty path to where the childrens park and the tea hut was. He watched families running along with umbrellas, and couples running along laughing and holding hands.

He felt like George Michael in the Last Christmas video. He was lonely, everyone else had paired off, and there was he alone in his flat with his flat screened tv, flat beer and flat omelettes on a Saturday morning. He still liked Julie but he wanted to find himself a new girl. He wanted to turn over a new leaf and be "The new improved Tony Barnes".

He had been trying to bite his tongue at work a bit to look more polite and he had been watching pathology comedy/drama The Last Place to practice imitating the received pronunciation tones of the pathologists in it to seem attractive and educated to women. Unfortunately most of these actor types seemed to him to be bumptious blokes who were up their own backside. He sat back in his leather chair and solemnly ate his kettle chips.

The next day at work, Brenda had laid on tea and cakes on a spotty paper table cloth on the conference table in the middle of the office as it was her birthday. The cakes were cupcakes made by a local company and she gave everyone their card.

Charlie went up to the table and put about five on a plate then ate them one by one, Tony went up to the table and took about five giving them personally to all the female temporary staff dotted around giving them each a different smile which looked notoriously familiar to the permanent staff.

The female temporary staff were each educated after the event by the nearest member of permanent staff. They didn't want anyone getting more than their fair share of Tony or getting to know him then wishing they hadn't. The temporary staff looked disappointed and carried on with their designated work.

Tony was seen walking angrily towards the kitchen with a mug in his hand. Julie almost felt sorry for him. Brenda tapped her on the shoulder "It's like the Jenny Crawford 1989 thing all over again for him" she said.

Charlie and Donnas "This Morning" appearance day had arrived. They lay in their kingsize bed spread out like starfish. The bedspread had black sheets and the playboy duvet cover. Donna was restless, she hadn't slept a wink thinking about their big day, and jumped on top of Charlie in bed. "I'm so excited" she said, I can't wait to put my new outfit on and drive to the station".

"Yes Donna" said Charlie, turning over and going back to sleep, he had been up all night watching reruns of the X files and Knightrider. Suddenly he jumped out of bed. "Hey, lets have a big breakfast before we go" he said. He got sausages and eggs out of the fridge, some tinned tomatoes and some baked beans and put them in a frying pan, then turned on the gas.

Donna went over and hugged him, and he squeezed her as he put his arms around her, he knew he wanted to marry her one day and have lots of children, he loved her so much, he blushed as he thought about the bathroom floor this morning. He had pretended that she was a naughty maid and she had forgotten to dust the sideboard again so he had made her stand in the corner while he looked up her tabard to make sure she had not hidden the duster up there.

The cooked breakfast was delicious. They savoured over it for an hour or so then quickly got dressed and got on the bus to go to the station. Donna had her beautiful blue suit on with the chiffon top, and Charlie had his new suit on. The Donnaurney to London seemed really long. They got on the train and both had window seats opposite each other. The countryside rushed past them backwards. They had competitions to see who could see the cows in the field first, or the first church on a hill. They talked like excited school children.

Charlie fell asleep on the train so Donna read a magazine and drank some coffee. She saw a nice coffee table in the magazine that would look good in their lounge. She ripped the page out and put it in her handbag.

Soon she could see London Bridge and all the skyscrapers of London. It was a cold foggy day though, she would need her umbrella and she had her big coat on to keep her smart outfit tidy. She nudged Charlie to wake him up and shouted "Oi" in his ear. Charlie jumped and swore loudly. City posh people turned round and glared at him and coughed loudly.

Charlie and Donna got off the train and walked to the underground station to the studio. It was a huge complex and they had to walk through a big carpark full of vans and workmen and noise.

They got a bus to the studio using their railcards, and managed to dodge elderly people and excited children in the hustle and bustle and the crowds.

The Studio was a large sixties building which was all concrete and windows with venetian blinds on.

Everyone was walking around wearing Gilets, skinny jeans and Ugg boots in a dressed down manner, Charlie and Donna looked out of place in their posh clothes. Charlie held Donnas hand and smiled. Soon they came to a large entrance to a reception area, they walked in and introduced themselves and a tall beautiful woman in a black suit came and showed them to where they were going to have their make up done.

"Well hello there, I'm Katrina, nice to meet you" she shook their hands firmly. Charlie put out his hand "Pleased to meet you" he said

"Likewise" said Katrina.

"Hi I'm Donna" said Donna.

"Let me show you to your dressing room" said Katrina, and led them down a dark shabby corridor. It did not look very glamorous or showbursinessy thought Donna, she sighed.

They entered a large room with lots of people and mirrors and loud eighties music. "This is the makeup room" said Katrina. "I will leave you in the capable hands of Stuart our make up manager."

Stuart showed them to two identical chairs and dressing tables, a bit like what you would see in a hairdressers, but with lots of bright spotlights and people talking in loud over confident voices and wearing posh clothes.

"Sit down and I'll bring you a drink"

"Would you like coffee or tea?"

"Tea" said Donna.

"Coffee" said Charlie.

A small blonde lady with short hair, who had big pouty lips and false eyelashes came up to them. Her roman sandaled feet poked out of tight black leggings.

"Hi I'm Maddy, would you like your eyebrows waxed, sugared or plucked" she asked.

"Plucked" said Charlie and Donna together.

"Ow" said Charlie as Maddy plucked at his unibrow, "that hurt, "Is it nearly over?"

They lay back and relaxed in the big black makeup chairs, after their plucking ordeal, tapping their feet to the likes of Blue Monday and Club Tropicana.

After that, they were shown to the hairdressing area where they met up with Stuart again.

"Hi guys, this is Steve and Sean who are going to style your hair today".

"I'd like to look like Emilou Estevez in Young Guns" said Charlie.

"I'd like to look like Daryl Hannah in Splash" said Donna.

"Ok then" said Steve hesitantly.

He started off by sending them over to the black shiny sinks of the hair washing area. The stylists washed and conditioned their hair with aromatic shampoo then gave them a head massage and put their hair in a turban with a black towel.

Donna sat down in front of the mirror and Sean started on her hair.

Charlie sat down and Steve started on his hair. He was a bit miffed as he had convinced himself on the way to London that hairdressers were not "pretty boys". Steve kind of broke the mould. Steve was wearing white jeans and a black and white long Breton top and his hair was like Simon Le Bon meets Rod Stewart. He shuffled in his seat and glared at the jumped up pretty boy who stared at him in the hairdressing mirror. He thought he looked like a bit of an idiot.

"Could you keep your ear still love, otherwise I might have it off, as the actress said to the archbishop" Charlie laughed convincingly, and coughed "tosser" into his hand.

"So, where are you going on your holidays this year?"

"I don't know" said Charlie "I'm probably just going to go to Clacton for a few days with my girlfriend Donna".

He continued to deliberately shuffle in his seat.

Donna was enDonnaying her haircut. It was very relaxing. The Hair and Beauty salon was painted white and it had a relaxing feel to it. She was going to look so gorgeous, she tried to take a picture of herself with her mobile phone. She had to save some of her excitement though, as she hadn't put her outfit on yet, it was sitting next to her in her weekend bag.

She was having beautiful blonde streaks put in her hair. She had already had reddy brown ones put in as a base, and she looked like the statue of liberty with all her hair in the tin foil wraps. It was taking ages, but their bit of the show wan't recorded for another couple of hours, so she had some time to relax.

She said to Maddy "I'm lucky I won the competition I've always wanted to be on the This Morning show."

Maddy said "You're lucky because you can meet lots of interesting characters ".

"I'll look forward to that!" said Donna.

Tony was walking round Acer Ridge. He had been to Currys, now he was going to a cd shop and then a bookshop. He had eaten three cheeseburgers and two cups of coffee.

Julie was standing in the middle of town by the fountain, she had just bought a nice summer dress to wear to the office summer party. It was black and white flowers on a brown background and she was going to wear it with some gold high heels.

She thought she would have a coffee in Pierre the french café before she went home. She went in, and was pleased to hear the Sade music playing in the background. She sat on a nice leather sofa by the window.

She saw Tony out of the window and he waved to her, she gestured for him to come into the café.. He nodded and smiled and came in and came over to her table and sat down.

Tony sat down at Julies table and said "I love you"

Julie said "You're Donnaking don't be so silly" Julie laughed.

"It's true though, I really love you Julie" Tony frowned and got out his cigarettes.

"Would you like a cigarette?"

"No thank you, I'm not really a cigarette person".

Tony sighed and looked the other way.

"I could teach you how to be a bad girl if you like" he surmised, blowing smoke rings in her face.

She looked away and pouted, she did not want to make it easy for him but she had been getting quite bored of Gary lately and wanted some excitement.

She was wearing her best long grey cardigan with her long white shirt and her black jeggings along with her favourite Dick Turpin style over the knee boots.

"Would you like a coffee Tony?" she asked

"Yes please said Tony, could I have a Latte ?"

Julie ordered him one at the bar, and took a long time over there to try to make Tony get bored. Tony was sitting on the leather sofa with his legs outstretched trying to look cool by blowing smoke rings.

Julie went back and sat right next to him with his coffee "Here you are Tony" she said softly, and smiled at him. His leg shook as he looked at her thigh boots.

"Shall I get a newspaper from that rack over there?" asked Julie

"Yes that would be fun" said Tony sarcastically.

Julie pushed through the crowds of coffee drinkers and Converse boot wearers and got the newspaper.

"Shall we do the crossword Tony?"

"Yes Julie" said Tony.

Charlie and Donna were in the dressing room of "This Morning" they were about to go on set. They sat in a room that was painted yellow, with leather sofas and pine bookcases and some big ornate silver mirrors.

They had coffee and biscuits in white bone china cups and plates on a silver tray.

The producer knocked on the door

"It's time to come and see where you're going to stand and what you're going to do and say" said the producer (describe producer)

"Would you like to stand up or sit down? Would you like a guest to talk to ? Would you like to make something in the cooking section Would you like to advise on gardening or fashion?"

"Hey slow down" said Charlie "that's a bit of a mouthful to take in all at once as the actress said to the archbishop" he grinned and nodded at Donna.

"OK, would you like to start off with a fashion item then?" suggested the producer.

"Yes" said Donna "do I get to try on the clothes"

"No" said the producer, "but you might get to have a look at them after filming"

"Wow, how exciting" exclaimed Donna.

Charlie sat down on one of the big leather chairs that they had dotted around the set.

"Hey this is a nice chair, can I present from here please?"

"Yes" said the producer,"that's a good idea.

Julie and Tony were still in the Coffee shop. "Fancy a walk?" said Tony

"OK then" said Julie. Julie was running out of excuses in her head as to why she shouldn't have a bit of fun with Tony while Gary was away. Gary did not care about her anymore, and spent most of his time in the betting shop or in the garage doing up old Volkswagens.

Last Saturday had taken the biscuit, Gary had been in the garage, and Julie had asked him five times if he wanted to keep the original Satellite tv package that they wanted, as he did not answer she deliberately ordered HD tv with all the film and sport packages and other special things thrown in all for about £1000. That will teach him she thought.

Tony and Julie walked along the deserted high street, dodging people on bicycles, a stray dog and a group of teenagers singing loudly and wearing clothes that they obviously could not really afford and had been bought by their parents.

"So Julie, stop here please" said Tony in a commanding voice, they were standing in the middle of the pavement, near the Acer Ridge Bus Station and just past the old town where there were lots of fish and chip shops and antique shops.

Julie stopped. Tony held her hand and kissed her passionately. She felt very nervous and excited at the same time. She squeezed Tony's hand and stroked his back inside his jacket. He was wearing a lovely check shirt that was soft to touch.

Tony gave her a lustful gaze and kissed her again, this time he squeezed her against him. She felt really hot and she was wearing a lovely silky black raincoat.

"This feels very wrong" said Julie, "Gary wouldn't like it apart from the fact that he's on one of his many stag weekends".

"Yes, that's a shame, isn't it" mused Tony sarcastically, his lustful glow starting to fade away.

Suddenly Tony grabbed Julie and kissed her passionately on the lips. He took her hand and led her into an alleyway. She was so turned on that she gasped and pulled her tshirt up, then blushed and looked guilty. He gazed at the fleshy couloured lace that was covering her breasts, and pulled it aside to suck her nipple, then he bent down and looked up her skirt. «you're a naughty girl Julie» he said. She was so excited.

Tony said «Thank you» then stood up and put his clothes back on, then he helped Julie get dressed. She could not stop kissing his neck and squeezing him.

«Stop that now Julie, we have to be getting you back to Gary» said Tony.

They walked back into town together, then got separate taxis home. Julie felt so guilty. She started to bite her nails, but soon the tears were flowing down her face. She was wearing false eyelashes so she had to take them out because they were rubbing. She threw them in the road in a rage.

Donna gazed out of the window of the dressing room, she wished her mother was alive to see all of this. Her mother had died a couple of years ago of heart failure. She was eighty three, so she had had a good innings.

She was wearing her posh new outfit and was just about to go on to present the first bit of «This Morning»

She walked onto the set and sat on a posh black sofa with white roses embroidered on to it.

«Hello, I'm Donna, It's Wednesday the third of March and you are watching This Morning with Donna and Charlie Sparrow» she said.

Charlie was sitting next to her on the sofa, beaming from ear to ear.

«And later on I will be showing you the perfect way to make a cooked breakfast» said Charlie. He was resisting the chance to bite his nails and he really needed a cigarette.

Donna moved towards the fashion section.

«Today we will be looking at the little black dress» she exclaimed excitedly.

«Here is a beautiful one from Gucci, a real classic» she held the silk material in her hands and felt very privileged to feel the luxury of the soft material, it had little tiny G's embossed into the cloth, and looked like it was made for a princess.

A snobby woman came along off camera and said

«Excuse me, can you stop fingering that dress, or you will be made to pay for it»

«I'm terribly sorry» said Donna.

«We don't normally let untrained people into the fashion section, so you had better not mess it up» she snapped.

Donna thought she was a bit rude and was about to deliberately rip the dress, but then thought better of it. She just imagined what the woman would look like if she slipped on a banana skin and imagined shooting her with a custard gun like in bugsy malone.

Charlie went to the cooking section of the studio, there were wires all over the floor, that were hard not to trip over and he wished he'd bought his favourite old frying pan with him that used to belong to his mum.

He overheard the snobby woman talking to Donna and shook his head, he was worried that Donna might make a scene like she had recently in Tesco's when she could not reach the Chocolate spread. He could not hold his head up there for weeks with ought people pointing and laughing at him behind their hands. He felt like he needed a cigarette again and put his finger in his mouth.

Charlie chopped up some tomatoes and mushrooms and put them in a pan. His hands were shaking because he was so nervous, he tried to take some deep breaths when he was cutting to calm himself down. Luckily, one of the sound people helped him and he finished chopping the vegetables quickly then put them in the pan.

After that, he got the bacon out of the packet and cut it up into little pieces before putting it in the pan. Things were going really well and he had remembered the recipe perfectly by heart.

He hoped his mum was watching. She was at home with his younger brother. They lived on the outskirts of Acer Ridge in a big high rise block of flats with a big communal garden that his mother enDonnayed planting roses in, and tending to them every day. She will be proud of him he thought.

He started mixing up the scrambled egg, he put some butter in a saucepan with some milk and stirred it up with a very posh wooden spoon that said Katie Kitchengirl on it in red. He wondered where you could get this kind of stuff from, it looked really cool.

The mixing bowl was glass and looked very fragile and expensive again it also said Katie Kitchengirl on it.

Next it was the gardening section. Donna was given a very glamorous pair of Orange Hunter Wellington boots, and asked to go outside the studio. She had to show the viewers how to plant runner beans. It was very fiddly, lots of threading leaves round bamboo and getting everything just right, as well as smiling and speaking a running commentary of what she was doing. The boots made her feet really hot, and she found herself slurring her speech in exhaustion.

Julie got to her house and went straight upstairs to lie on her bed. She was so sad and upset. She really liked Tony and she wanted to stay with him, she was bored of Gary now. She was fed up with following him round Comet every Saturday then sitting in the lounge on her own while he messed about with his new gadgets.

She was bored of Gary putting his feet all over the new sofas in the newly decorated lounge, and using up all the petrol in her car. She was bored of Gary resting knives on top of bowls instead of putting them in the dishwasher. However, she was not sure she wanted to mess up their lives just yet, but sometimes she felt really angry like she wanted to.

Donna struggled to assemble the runner bean wigwams in the studio garden and tried to smile and look like she knew what she was doing. She felt very scared and worried about the whole thing, there was just another hour of the programme to go, so she needed to keep calm until the end of it, but her feet were killing her in the bright orange hunter wellies that she had to wear and she was dying for a cup of tea.

Charlie had finished his cooking slot, and was eating what he had made. It tasted really nice, but people kept coming up to him and talking so he found himself trying to have a conversation with his mouth full, which was not easy. After eating all the fried breakfast food, he felt a sudden urge to go to the bathroom and luckily a kind wardrobe girl showed him where it was.

He returned to the studio and sat down with Donna to do the last bit of the show, where they were going to interview Graham and Gina Goodall who were presenters of This Morning some years ago.

«So Graham, did you enjoy our programme?» asked Charlie.

«Yes, it was very entertaing» said Graham «especially the bit when you were frying the mushrooms» Graham gave him a wink and a nudge - the make up lady was very pretty and Charlie had blushed as she wiped his face.

«So,» said Gina to Donna « how have you enjoyed your time on This Morning»

«Yes» said Donna «it has been really great, especially seeing all the fashion stuff.

Donna was having trouble keeping her eyes open, the day had been exhausting. Her feet really ached because she was wearing gold high heels with her blue dress and jacket. And she felt really thirsty and hot.

Charlie whispered to her «we did well didn't we, it's been a long day.»

Charlie grinned

«I've really myself today, it's been very special. I've met lots of wonderful people and learnt lots of new things.»

Brenda was watching Charlie and Donna in the tv in her kitchen. She was making a casserole and chopping up vegetables into her favourite blue casserole dish. She was chopping a parsnip when she saw Charlie in his fancy suit strolling around the studio. She was very proud of him and thought he looked very dashing. She nearly poured all the whole bottle of wine into the casserole as she was to busy watching Donna trying to be polite to the know it all fashion presenters.

Tony turned on the tv the morning after his eventful night with Julie, but as soon as he saw Charlie strutting about the studio with various blondes and grinning from ear to ear, he felt very envious of him and turned the channel over to watch the news. «Dickhead» he muttered.

They were on the news as well «Acer Ridge couple take the world by storm in Breakfast Show» said the opening headlines of the local news.

Hannah and Rachel were both watching Donna and Charlie on the TV. Julie had told them that they would be on. Hannah went round to Rachels house for breakfast. Rachel had a lovely mock tudor terraced house on the edge of Acer Ridge. It had wooden floor throughout and lots of modern Swedish rugs and furniture. They watched intently. «They look like really cool people» said Hannah.

Julie switched on the TV - she did not really feel like watching Charlie and Donna enjoying themselves as she wasn't particularly having a ball at the moment, but she thought she'd give it a go. Donna was presenting a fashion slot with some beautiful models, she looked very glamorous and really shone as a TV presenter. Julie felt proud of her, it cheered her up on the one hand, but on the other hand made Julie feel shameful of her current potential two-timing predicament.

Tony Barnes was in bed watching tv, he was watching a star trek dvd. The red people had just been killed and Mr Spock had gone missing. He sat there watching it and eating crisps out of a large packet.

He felt so lonely, he really liked Julie and he wanted to have her as his girlfriend. He wanted to take her to a night club and dance closely with her to slow music, and whisper in her ear.

Suddenly he got a text message on his mobile phone. It was Julie. «Hey, how are you ? I miss you» she said.

«I miss you too»

Tony texted back.

«Why don't we meet up somewhere»

«What about the coffee shop»

texted Julie

«Yes, what time» texted Tony

«1pm» texted Julie

Tony got out of bed and put on his best Superdry checked shirt and his lucky jeans and his new leather Italian look leather jacket with the go faster stripes on the arms. He always turned heads in that one. The grey in his hair was showing rather badly at the sides of his ears, so he quickly did a wash in wash out Tescos rinse on it under the shower.

He made sure he was wearing matching socks, and he poured himself a strong cup of coffee, then he grabbed a newspaper and shut the door to his flat with a loud bang and ran down the stairs to the bus stop.

He managed to get a bus fairly quickly. It was raining and the bus was slow and busy with school children and elderly people talking about their aches and pains, and the school children discussing their latest boyfriends and which lesson they had texted their friend in. The bus stopped outside the Jeffrey and Jackson department store, and there stood Julie by the entrance. She looked very beautiful wearing a purple raincoat, and carrying a black and white spotty umbrella.

«Hello Darling» he said in his best fake cockney voice.

Julie shivered and smiled at him.

«Lets' go and get a coffee in Pierre shall we?» she said. Her face was flushed and Tony sneakily took hold of her hand and they walked quickly through the rain. He really liked Julie and he wanted her to know it.

They got into the Coffee shop and sat down on a leather sofa.

«So Julie, tell me about yourself» said Tony.

«Well, I'm just an ordinary girl who works in an ordinary office and knows extraordinary people» laughed Julie.

«Would you like a croissant with your coffee» asked Tony.

«Yes please said Julie, here is some money towards it» Pierre was making a bit of a killing out of people being out in the rain and coming in there to shelter, but it's prices were still a bit extortionate

Tony took her hand and kissed it, then squeezed her and kissed her, he had wanting in his eyes, and Julie knew it, she had her favourite black lacy bra deliberately showing through her bright pink lacy top and she leant forward and kissed Tony's neck. He took her hand and they quickly got the bus back to Tony's house where they made love while their jeans dried on the bathroom radiator. Julie looked so sexy with her brown hair still wet at the ends, it spread over her chest as she sat staring lovingly at Tony,

«You make me so happy» she said, turning to Tony in bed, but Tony was asleep by this time as they had been in bed all afternoon, and he was already tired as he had been up late watching ET and eating dry roasted peanuts the night before till 1am in the morning. So Julie got up and made herself a cup of tea and watched TV in the lounge.

Charlie and Donna had finished filming and were now returning home on the train. They were tired and sad that their day at This Morning was over.

Gary was lonely, Julie had been slamming doors at home and Julie had not spoken to him since last week when he had yet again refused to change the broadband provider. He made himself a strong cup of coffee and settled down to watch Dining Dilemma which was a programme where contestants had to go to each others' houses and have dinner then vote on whether they thought the meal was good or bad.

He lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling, he could make monsters faces out of the artex patterns, they glared back at him. The man on the tv was making a steak dinner and the other people round the table were saying that the meat was too rare and they had to chew it for a long time. One of the women was wearing a revealing black dress and huge gold ring earrings, another contestant was a posh man wearing a gilet and a smart shirt, who had green reading glasses on, another contestant was a builder type who laughed a lot and didn't eat much, but critisized all the food. He said that the vegetables were overcooked and the meat wasn't good enough quality, and he had a loud and menacing laugh.

Back in the office on Monday, everyone was buzzing with Charlie and Donna's tv appearance. Some people were really pleased for them, other people were jealous and made snide whispered remarks.

Brenda put up some pictures of Charlie and Donna in this morning, that she had taken when they were on the tv. Some of them were slightly blurred. People crowded round them and pointed, and took pictures with their camera phones. They pushed and shoved to try to get a glimpse of something.

Charlie and Donna hid in the office.

Donna hid in the postroom and counted how many jiffy bags they had. She felt self conscious about people seeing her on the tv, she was worried that she had shown too much cleavage, or her knickers showed through her dress. She was worried about what she might have said, whether she laughed too much, or whether she looked silly. Some of the women in the office came up to her and asked her what it was like to be on tv. Others stood around in groups and whispered and laughed behind their hands at her. She felt very insecure.

Charlie hid in the storeroom and flattened some boxes. He was pleased with how he looked on the tv, he had enjoyed it, he didn't care what people thought and he saw the tv appearance as a triumph. He walked round the office with a smug look on his face and bought some sweets from the supermarket round the corner and did not share them with anybody. He wanted to bask in his own glory and not have people making comments about him being a lowly security guard on the tv – a "face in the crowd".

Julie and Tony were in the car park, Tony asked Julie if she would like to come out to a club tonight. Julie looked beautiful in a long black and white maxi dress and wedge sandals. Tony stroked her hair and looked longingly at her.

"Yes, lets' go to London on the train" said Julie

"But I'd rather drive". Said Tony.

"No, it's much more fun on the train, I can point out all the London landmarks to you"

"yes but I know them already" said Tony.

It was a cold autumn day in Acer Ridge - a small suburb in the south of England. The leaves were turning red and falling off the trees in gusts of wind, and the weather was getting colder and colder, people shivered in short sleeves, or looked glamorous and snug in sheepskin jackets and long boots. The trees looked black and skeletal against the pale blue sky and still like charcoal on a piece of pale blank paper.

