so guys we made it we made it
no you have to say to mom do you wanna
go in front of me no so well go fucking
crystal clear that moto is sub bitches
we made it to the comedy club no one
came because I have no friends nobody
came over my parents didn't come hi
that's what happens when white people
try to sing in the car I'm not amazing
oh it's real close tonight that's
vicious creatures bang on yellow Konya
are you feeling Megan I'm white I'm
really nervous I'm gonna die
the senior prom shivgad I didn't expect
as many people to fucking show up Luther
shit it was about 70 plus people today
damn oh my god today sorry you know I
never understood why a woman never liked
being catcalled cuz what happened to me
it gave me the only confidence boost god
damn I remember I was in my car and I
was grabbing my guitar from the back of
my car nose and this group of girls in
this white car just come out of nowhere
roll down the window and they're like
nice ass that was like yeah yeah so I go
upstairs into my apartment now I'm like
mom forget the steak give me a solid and
she's like morphine you're gonna lose
weight
I just lay it on the floor and I was
just singing like I love my mom always
treats me like uh how you say investment
because she's always like Chris when you
thought of 18 well I'm 21 when you daddy
when you do before I turned 21 when you
done 21 you're going to buy me a house
and what buddy had and I was like joke's
on you
I want to be a musician speaking of
musicians who here has ever been to a
local club before where they plant heavy
metal anyone tell me no but every time
you go it's always the same thing than
lead the first band goes on in all years
oh I hate it when my friends always
begged me to go to those shows there was
a police comedy show gives me like 50
SoundCloud links please come to my show
I go to the show it's the same thing
after the first two seconds I disappear
I vaporize they're like did you like the
show I'm like yeah
before you start it Diane you know I
always wanted to be a stand-up comedian
but I was afraid that people would laugh
the one thing I never understood is um
is anyone here Cuban from Cuban anyone
so I have a I have a lot of Cuban
friends because I live in West New York
there's a ton of Cubans there and
whenever I go to parallel park I have a
very hard time I hate driving especially
in a winter because my car doesn't start
by when I'm there I remember the first
time I was parallel parking and the
Cubans were there and they were like yo
this guy's a fucking idiot
they go up but like I mean if you go I'm
gonna teach you I don't understand why
they whistle but they're like take a
minute I won't teach you how to parallel
park
could I look at my phone and I'm like
does Google have Cuban I'm like oh yeah
compadre can you explain the road I
misspell phone okay my mom looks at me
from the window is like me how is he
bothering you and then he looks up me
he's like comes up to me he's like I'm
gonna get with your mom bitch
and he looks at her
could you imagine if these Cubans were
like doctors like surgeons they were
going there they're they're like doing
surgery and then they the nurse comes up
he's like pasta what do you need is like
meeting can you get me though
why would go ahead man so phone you
going you gotta bring the Cuban nurse
there was a phone when he said since
Joe's got that scissors you've been a
great cop
remember at the beginning of the show I
said there's something about these
William Paterson shows that comedians
are always great when the audiences over
are always great I was right wasn't I
yes I just up for the first time my life
felt a little bit like Donald Trump I
was right wasn't I
it felt weird all right folks real quick
once we finish up here we need to clean
the room so our staff can clear the
tables and everything for the next show
but in the meantime I'm gonna bring up
each of these comedians on the stage you
can give them one more round of applause
how about that yeah
I'm here
in a bitches my dog I'm a bar hi
we did it guys I hope you enjoyed I hope
you enjoyed you bunch of bitches I hope
you got a good laugh
oh it's called bunions I lied about
lying because I can't do that alright
guys I hope you enjoyed I know home
you
