I donít know.
I mean, Iíve never tried plucking a girlís
body hair, but I have a feeling the reaction
wouldnít sound anything like this.
If it did, Iíd be plucking like you wouldnít
believe.
This is Hair Plucker for the iPhone.
Boy, that hair mustíve really been getting
under her skin.
You might be wondering why Iím even bothering
to review an iOS game like this.
Hair Plucker is objectively horrible, but
for a while, it was also the #1 game in the
App Store.
Iím not sure whether thatís because people
were telling friends, ìHey, youíve gotta
see this absurd iPhone gameî or because most
people are, in fact, 15-year-old boys.
Itís probably the former, but I gotta tell
you, I think thereís a bit of the latter
going on here, too.
At least, there was for me.
Hair Plucker is hilarious for a lot of reasons.
One, this game has transformed female hygiene
into a top-charting mobile game.
Two, the girls actually get hairier as the
game progresses.
And three, this whole notion is so ridiculous
and borderline offensive, I canít help but
applaud its moxie.
Speaking of moxie, this game was developed
by Moxy Games, a studio with a game called
Pimple Popper to its credit, as well.
Now thatís a studio Iíd love to work at.
I have a feeling no idea goes unexplored at
Moxy Games.
You could suggest anything at the brainstorm,
and someone around that table would go, ìYeah,
that could work.î
The funny thing is, functionally speaking,
Hair Plucker doesnít work that well.
So you play by checking out the girl, first
and foremost.
Give her a nice look over...alright, give
her crotch a good, long stareóand there it
is!
Thatís a hair, Undertoads.
Time to give this chick the assistance...of
my finger.
If you wondered how I could find this game
humorous, that joke shouldíve cleared things
up for you.
So once you find a hair, you have to give
a gentle tug.
You touch it, you drag it.
Each hair has a little gauge.
The idea is to pull just right to get that
gauge in the sweet zone.
If you can hold the gauge there long enough,
the hair gets plucked and your lady rewards
you with a nice, wholesome moan of approval.
I donít know.
Iíve heard plenty of girls make that sound,
but it was never because I was plucking them.
Itís usually because Iím...fixing them a
dinner and telling them how much their eyes
sparkle.
Anyway, the problem with Hair Pluckeróaside
from its existenceóis that the game doesnít
play very well.
The tugging controls are very picky.
Theyíre often so sensitive, itís almost
impossible to pull the hair without failing
once or twice.
And if you fail, the poor girl gets some kind
of ingrown hair or an infection.
Although something tells these girls are used
to infection.
The game is kind of a mess, and you can experience
all the gameplay it has to offer simply my
picking your own nose.
So why have so many downloaded it?
Well, itís an easy concept, Einstein...it
has moaning women and a premise dumb enough
for the general public to embrace.
If there were ever an argument for the futility
of a representative democracy, Hair Plucker
is it.
Well done, humanity.
