IN A LITTLE SEGMENT WE CALL --
>> All: "ASK JAY ANYTHING."
♪ ASK JAY ANYTHING 
ASK JAY ANYTHING ♪
EDD HALL, WHO HAS THE FIRST
QUESTION?
>> Edd: YEAH, JAY, THIS IS
KENNY WILLIAMS FROM MIAMI,
FLORIDA.
>> Jay: KENNY, HOW ARE YA?
>> HEY, GREAT, JAY.
>> Jay: NOW, WHAT DO -- WHAT DO
NICKEL BAG --
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT WAS NICKELBAGLIATI.
ROSS NICKELBAGLIATI.
[ APPLAUSE ]
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT
HIS DEFENSE WAS?
AND I GUESS THEY BOUGHT IT --
HE SAID HE WAS A VICTIM
OF SECOND-HAND MARIJUANA SMOKE.
HE WASN'T SMOKING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WAS A VICTIM OF SECOND-HAND
MARIJUANA.
SEE, APPARENTLY, EARLIER
IN THE WEEK, HE HAD ATTENDED
A JAZZ CONCERT.
SO APPARENTLY --
[ LAUGHTER ]
JUST ONE OF THOSE --
YEAH, SO APPARENTLY --
THAT MUST BE WHAT HAPPENED.
>> Kevin: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN
IT, RIGHT, JAY.
>> Jay: AND OF COURSE, YOU KNOW,
NOW THAT HE GOT THE MEDAL --
YOU KNOW, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE --
THE ENDORSEMENTS JUST ROLLING
>> Jay: FOLKS, TONIGHT, IN HONOR
OF THE OLYMPICS, WE BROUGHT BACK
THREE OF OUR PRIZEWINNING ANIMAL
IMPRESSIONISTS, JUST TO SEE
WHICH ONE WILL BECOME "THE
TONIGHT SHOW'S" GOLD MEDALIST.
PLEASE WELCOME OUR FIRST OLYMPIC
CONTENDER.
COME ON OUT HERE.
[ PLAYING OLYMPIC MUSIC ] 
HOW ARE YA?
HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY?
SIT HERE.
NOW, THIS HERE -- THIS HERE,
WOODY BROOKS.
WOODY, WHERE YOU FROM?
>> McKEE, KENTUCKY.
>> Jay: McKEE, KENTUCKY.
WHERE'S -- WHAT'S THAT NEAR?
>> LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY.
>> Jay: IT'S NEAR LEXINGTON.
>> ABOUT 75 MILES SOUTHEAST
OF LEXINGTON.
>> Jay: NOW, HOW'S YOUR WEATHER
BEEN DOWN THERE, OKAY?
>> A LOT OF SNOW.
>> Jay: A LOT OF SNOW.
>> 19 INCHES RIGHT BEFORE I COME
DOWN HERE.
>> Jay: REALLY?
>> YEAH, I WAS GONNA SHOVEL
MY WAY OUT.
>> Jay: NOW, HAVE YOU BEEN BUSY
SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE?
>> OH, MAN, IT'S BEEN FANTASTIC.
A LOT OF FEEDBACK FROM THE LAST
SHOW.
I GOT TO PLAY AT THE STRING BEAN
FESTIVAL.
>> Jay: AT THE STRING BEAN
FESTIVAL AND WHAT ELSE?
>> AND THE CHICKEN FESTIVAL.
>> Jay: AND THE CHICKEN
FESTIVAL?
>> YEAH.
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT.
SO YOU'VE BEEN PRACTICING A LOT?
>> NO, I NEVER PRACTICE.
>> Jay: 'CAUSE YOU TOLD ME,
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT VOWED THAT
YOU HAVE NEVER LOST.
>> I HAVE NEVER LOST, I HAVE
NEVER LOST A CONTEST.
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET TO OUR NEXT GENTLEMAN.
LET'S BRING OUR NEXT CONTESTANT
OUT.
COME ON OUT HERE.
HOW ARE YA?
THIS IS JOE SABO.
LOOKS LIKE A NEW WAL-MART
IN TOWN THERE.
>> HEY, HEY, MY WIFE MADE THIS
ONE.
>> Jay: DID SHE MAKE THAT?
>> YEAH, SHE DID.
>> Jay: WELL, THAT'S VERY GOOD.
IT'S VERY GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, WAIT -- WAIT --
JOE --
>> SHE'S GOING TO GET YOU.
>> Jay: WHERE YOU FROM?
>> I'M FROM ROWLETT, TEXAS.
>> Jay: ROWLETT, TEXAS.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE --
WHERE -- WHAT'S THAT NEAR?
>> IT'S 20 -- IT'S
ABOUT 20 MILES NORTHEAST
OF DALLAS.
>> Jay: OH, OKAY.
OH, SO THAT'S JUST A SUBURB.
OKAY.
OKAY, NOW, YOU DO OTHER TYPES
OF IMPRESSIONS?
>> RIGHT.
>> Jay: NOW, YOU GUYS EVER DO
TRASH TALKING BEFORE?
BECAUSE YOU GUYS NEVER MET
BEFORE.
>> WELL, NOT SO MUCH US,
BUT OUR WIVES HAVE BEEN
CATFIGHTIN'.
>> Jay: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> Jay: WELL, LET'S BRING OUT
OUR NEXT GENTLEMEN.
HANK, COME ON OUT HERE.
THIS IS HANK SHORES.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, HANK.
>> NICE TO BE HERE.
>> Jay: THERE'S THREE GOOD OLD
BOYS HERE.
NOW, HANK, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
>> ORANGE, TEXAS.
>> Jay: ORANGE, TEXAS.
NOW, WHAT'S THAT NEAR?
>> THAT'S BETWEEN BEAUMONT
AND LAKE CHARLES, LOUISIANA.
>> Jay: OH, OKAY, SMALL TOWN?
>> YEAH, VERY SMALL TOWN.
>> Jay: DID YOU GET MARRIED
SINCE YOU HERE LAST?
>> YES, I DID.
>> Jay: OH, OKAY.
>> BROUGHT MY WIFE OUT HERE
WITH ME.
>> Jay: OH, GOOD, GOOD.
OKAY, SO SHE CAN INTO ONE
OF THE CAT TALKS, MAYBE WE'LL
TELEVISE THAT NEXT TIME.
DOES YOUR BRIDE LIKE
THE IMPRESSIONS?
>> SHE LIKES ME TO BARK.
[ LAUGHTER ] 
>> Jay: SHE LIKES YOU TO BARK?
>> YES.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT.
WELL, LET'S GET READY
FOR THE COMPETITION.
FIRST, FIRST --
BEFORE WE HAVE THE ACTUAL
COMPETITION, WHY DON'T YOU EACH
DO ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE
IMPRESSIONS.
WOODY, WHAT'S ONE
OF YOUR FAVORITE IMPRESSIONS?
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE
IMPRESSIONS IS A DONKEY.
>> Jay: A DONKEY?
>> A DONKEY.
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT, WOODY, DOING
A DONKEY.
[ IMITATING A DONKEY ] 
[ APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, JOE?
JOE SABO, WHAT'S ONE
OF YOUR FAVORITE?
>> MY FAVORITE IS A 18-WHEEL
DIESEL TRUCK WITH AIR BRAKES
AND A JAKE BRAKE.
>> Jay: AIR BRAKES AND A JAKE
BRAKE.
>> YEAH, 18-WHEELER.
>> Jay: EXPLAIN THE JAKE BRAKE
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
>> THE JAKE BRAKE SLOWS
THE TRUCK DOWN WHEN THEY'RE
GOING AT A REALLY HIGH RATE
OF SPEED.
IT'S LIKE -- LIKE, IT IS SEVENTH
OR TENTH GEAR OR SOMETHING.
THEY THROW IT INTO IT AND IT
SLOWS THEM DOWN.
[ ENGINE REVVING ] 
[ SQUEALING ] 
>> Jay: YOU KNOW, I GOT
TO SAY --
HANK, WHAT IS YOUR -- WHAT IS
YOUR FAVORITE IMPRESSION?
>> WELL, PROBABLY THE ANIMAL.
>> Jay: THE ANIMAL, ANY
PARTICULAR ANIMAL.
>> NO, IT'S JUST A BIG ANIMAL.
>> Jay: LIKE A BEAST?
>> A BEAST, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
YOU COULD CALL IT.
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT, THIS IS
A BEAST.
ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD.
[ GROWLING ] 
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
I THINK, I THINK YOU SEE
THE LEVEL OF COMPETITION HERE
TODAY.
WHAT IS YOUR MOST UNUSUAL
IMPRESSION?
>> A COUGAR.
>> Jay: YOU DO A COUGAR?
>> YES, IT SCARES ALL
OF THE VARMINTS AWAY
FROM THE BARN.
>> Jay: IT SCARES THE VARMINTS
AWAY FROM THE BARN?
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS WOODY DOING
A COUGAR.
[ IMITATING A COUGAR SCREAM ] 
[ APPLAUSE ] 
ALL RIGHT, JOE, WHAT IS YOUR --
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE, UNUSUAL,
I MEAN?
>> MY FAVORITE IS, OR MOST
UNUSUAL, I THINK IS THE RIDING
IN THE TRAIN, FROM CAR TO CAR.
>> Jay: RIDING IN THE TRAIN,
AND GOING FROM CAR TO CAR?
>> GOING FROM CAR TO CAR.
>> Jay: GOING FROM CAR TO CAR
IN A TRAIN.
>> YOU'RE ROLLING ABOUT 60 MILES
AN HOUR.
[ IMITATING TRAIN SOUNDS ] 
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT, HANK, WHAT IS
YOUR --
WHAT IS YOUR MOST UNUSUAL?
>> PROBABLY AN AMOROUS SEA LION.
>> Jay: AN AMOROUS SEA LION?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
>> YES.
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD, AMOROUS SEA LION.
[ IMITATING SEA LION ] 
[ APPLAUSE ] 
OKAY, KIM, THAT LAST ONE SOUND
FAMILIAR?■
NOW, THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN
WAITING FOR.
THESE THREE GENTLEMEN WILL
COMPETE FOR THE TITLE OF "THE
TONIGHT SHOW'S" GOLD MEDAL
ANIMAL IMPRESSIONIST.
EACH OF YOU DO A DOG AND A CAT
FIGHTING.
NOW, WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?
THESE THREE MEN WILL COMPETE.
WOODY, YOU WANT TO DO YOUR DOG
AND CAT FIGHTING, FIRST?
>> THIS IS A DOG AND CAT
FIGHTING.
>> Jay: OKAY.
>> AND THE BIG DOG EATS THE CAT,
AND THEN, HE HAWKS IT UP.
>> Jay: OKAY, LITTLE EXTRA TWIST
ON THE END.
[ WOODY IMITATING DOG AND CAT
FIGHTING ] 
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
OH, THERE YOU GO.
THERE IT IS.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH MONEY.
WE SURE KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN.
ALL RIGHT, JOE, GO AHEAD.
JOE, WHAT IS YOURS?
>> ALL RIGHT.
MINE'S THE CAT AND THE DOG
FIGHTING.
THEY ENCOUNTER EACH OTHER,
AND THEN, THEY GO AFTER IT.
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT.
>> I WON'T TELL YOU HOW IT COMES
OUT.
>> Jay: OKAY, KIND
OF A SURPRISE, THEN?
>> A SURPRISE.
[ MEOW ] 
[ WHIMPERING ] 
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jay: ALL RIGHT AND HANK?
OKAY.
AND YOURS.
>> MINE'S A DOG AND CAT.
>> Jay: DOG AND CAT.
>> BIG DOG, NOT TOO BIG A CAT.
>> Jay: BIG DOG, NOT TOO BIG
A CAT?
[ MEOW AND BARKING ] 
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE WILL ASK --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
WE'RE JUST LIKE THE JUDGES
IN JAPAN, WE WILL ASK
YOU TO VOTE BY APPLAUSE.
I'LL HOLD MY HAND OVER EACH MAN,
AND YOU TELL ME, BY APPLAUSE,
AND WE'LL USE OUR APPLAUSE
METER.
FIRST, WOODY?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT, JOE?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
GOOD JOE.
NEXT, HANK SHORES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 
OH, IT LOOKS LIKE IT WENT TO JOE
BY THE METER.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT WENT TO JOE.
DO YOU HAVE THE MEDAL?
OKAY, HERE YOU GO.
HERE IS -- THERE'S THE GOLD
FOR YOU.
THANK YOU.
AND OF COURSE, WHO GETS --
I GUESS WOODY YOU WERE SILVER
AND I'M SORRY, HANK, YOU GET
THE BRONZE.
>> OH, MAN.
>> Jay: THERE YOU GO AND I WAS
GOING TO ASK, WHEN WE GO
TO COMMERCIAL ALL THREE MEN WILL
DO THEIR IMPRESSION OF A DOG
AND A CAT FIGHTING AT THE SAME
TIME.
THIS HAS NEVER BEFORE BEEN DONE
ON TELEVISION.
ALL THREE MEN FIGHTING
AT THE SAME TIME.
GO AHEAD.
[ ALL THREE MEN IMITATING DOG
AND CAT FIGHTING ] 
[ APPLAUSE ] 
ANNCR: If you can't sleep well,
it may be because you can't
breathe well through your nose.
