- She's so keen.
I do find keenness very trying.
- Prof.
- Of course.
She's the object of your affections.
- She loves him, you know.
- Who?
- Marilyn.
She loves Hero.
And he fancies her.
- Really?
- Oh yeah.
Always tearing his clothes off in front of
her, showing off his big bronzed pecs and his
big whipcord frame and his...
Oh, God.
- Well, I hope that behaviour isn't conclusive
proof of sexual attraction.
He's always tearing his clothes off in front
of me.
- What?
- Usually when some swimmer's got a touch
of cramp,
he's out of his clothes faster than Clark Kent.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
He does that with me, too.
- Well, there you are.
He caught a chill last time.
That's why I've got Marilyn tomorrow.
Still, I may get lucky.
- What?
- Maybe she'll tear all her clothes off in
front of me.
[music]
- That bloke all right?
You OK, mate?
Aw, I think he's all right, Hero.
Seems to be a good swimmer. 
I don't think we need...
How do you get your kit off so quickly?
Look, I really don't think there is any need to...
jump in.
Honestly, a tour with you is like being in
an episode of 'Baywatch.'
- I'm OK, mate.
I wasn't drowning.
Really!
- What were you doing, exactly?
- Going for a swim.
I'm OK!
- Show me your tongue.
Again, out!
Yeah, he's all right.
- I'll just go and get changed, OK?
Thanks anyway.
- You're welcome. It's my job.
You mind how you go.
- I think we should keep an eye on him.
- No, he's perfectly fine now.
I've checked him out thoroughly.
- No, that wasn't what I meant.
- Ollie, what have I told you about them?
- Fatty.
- Morning, Prof.
- Morning!
- Morning.
- Ah, Prof. Stan's off.
He tripped in the Pass of Dobley and bruised
his bum, so you'll be on with-
- Good morning!
- Marilyn.
- Yes.
- Again.
How nice.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Prof, a word.
My office.
Now.
- 'Prime Suspect' on last night?
- You haven't got an office.
- Well, out here, then.
- Prof...
you're not doing enough police work.
- Well, that is rich!
- Look-
- That is Christmas pudding, double cream, 
and a rum truffle all wrapped into one!
- Prof-
- That is the most astonishing case of the
pot calling the kettle pale ecru I have 
ever heard!
- Now look-
- I am not doing enough police work?
Whereas fishing is police work, is it?
You're arresting the fish, are you?
You're bringing the carp in for questioning?
Is that it?
- Well, I-
- Mind you, not that anyone in living memory
has ever seen you land anything larger than
an infant stickleback with a thyroid problem,
but let's be charitable and leave that on
the side!
- Prof, the inspector's been going through
the occurrence book.
- Has he indeed?
Well, since I have been keeping the occurrence
book for the last twenty years, I'd very much
like to know what is wrong with the
occurrence book!
- The occurrences.
- What about them?
- There aren't any.
- What? What do you mean there-
- There are a myriad of minor instances, mostly
concerning injured ducks and swans.
- Myriad instances, not 'a myriad of'!
- The commissioner wants positive publicity.
Juicy headlines.
Items on the news.
Villains with fuzzy blobs around their heads!
- I think I'd better go: one, before I say
something I might regret, and two, because
I realise I'm keeping you from the fish!
Come along, Marilyn!
Let us waste no time in bringing to justice
the myriad criminals who pollute our manor!
Let us strike a mighty blow against the very
heart of international organised crime which,
as it transpires, is situated right here - somewhere
between East Winniesford and Greeve Island!
Good morning, crimebusters!
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- So...
this is cannabis.
Not a lot, is there?
- Yeah, but Prof's informants have seen him
dealing.
Haven't they, Prof?
- Uh...
yes.
- You've done really well here, Prof.
- And all on your own, too.
- Fair dues, I'm impressed.
- Thank you.
It is gratifying to have one's police work
recognised.
- Yes, well, when the time comes, you'll have
to make the arrest.
- What?
- Give this to shoreside?
Are you coco?
Feathers in our caps.
Fat entries in our occurrence book.
Blobby heads.
You deserve it, Prof.
- Blobby heads?
- Oh, no, Sarge. No, we don't need blobby heads,
 do we?
Aren't they the tiniest bit vulgar?
- What are blobby heads?
- He means alert the 'News at 10' people.
They obliterate the heads.
- Oh yeah, definitely go blobby, Sarge.
- What was this boat called?
- The Sorrento.
- Oh! Actually, I was suspicious about that-
- boat.
- Um, I'm afraid these are ruined, Prof.
- Oh no!
- Yeah.
I've done all I can, but now they just seem
to make things a tiny bit further away.
- You're under arrest.
- Shut up.
There's nothing to drink. It's a stand off.
- Cheers.
