- In the name of God, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful -
Welcome to Islamophobia for Dummies.
- In the name of God, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful -
The step by step guide to seeing how ridiculous Islamophobia really is.
>> With the Tunisian and Egyptian revolutions, 
most of the world is happy for Muslims 
who are now able to elect their own governments,
yet some people are questioning how "compatible" Arabs and Islam are 
with certain "democratic" principles.
So, let's take a look at recent events in the Middle East:
Stephen Colbert - This is an historic week.
There have been demonstrations all over 
... the Middle East, Bahrain, Algeria, Yemen.
Democracy is spreading faster than crabs at a public pool.
The country that started this freedom-nami was Egypt,
because I don't know where Tunisia is.
>> And from Egypt, the world heard some great news:
Colbert - Tonight, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak steps down
onto a pillowy mound of money.
>> Who could possibly feel bad about the freedom of Egyptians?
Colbert - One person out there having a bit of a rough Valentine's Day is
Hosni Mubarak.
He was extremely jilted by 80 million Egyptians
and according to insiders:
"Hosni Mubarak is suffering a severe psychological condition."
you can tell he's upset just by looking at him.
Here he is today, devastated.
And here he is in happier times.
Look at the sparkle.
>> Maybe Hosni Mubarak would feel better by getting a personal ad to meet new people:
Deposed Arab Male seeks fit, fun-loving population for walks on beach / 
brutal suppression.
>> And Hosni Mubarak isn't the only one who's upset about Arabs choosing our own leaders:
Bill O'Reilly - 30 years, you had Carter, you had Clinton, 2 years Obama, Reagan...
they had nowhere else to go in that country, I've been there, it's chaos. 
There's nowhere else to go.
Bill O'Reilly - you're not happy about any of this (uprisings), right?
Glenn Beck - No.
Mubarak is a brutal ugly guy, I don't want to be in bed with him. 
I don't want to be in bed with him.
On the other hand, I agree with you, 
Glenn Beck - if the Jihadists get in charge,
Bill O'Reilly - They're worse.
Glenn Beck - It's awful.
This is exactly the same thing that happened in 1979 in Iran isn't it?
>> And here's some satire about the prejudice of such Islamophobes:
Colbert - I'm conflicted folks,
on one hand I'm moved by jubilant Egyptians dancing in the streets in celebration of freedom.
on the other hand, I'm terrified of unruly Muslims rioting in the streets 
because they hate us for our freedom.
>> And what kind of Arab leaders would the fear mongers really prefer:
Colbert - How can the U.S. help them get a democratically elected leader 
who is not our puppet
(satire) but does everything we want him to?
>> So why do Islamophobes fear allowing Muslims to choose our own leaders:
Colbert - (satire) Are the Arabs ready for Democracy?
Fox News - While I think all people in the world deserve to be free, 
I'm not sure everyone in the world is ready for Democracy.
Glenn Beck - Democracy.
Democracy, what does that mean?
Nothing.
Nothing, it depends on who the people are that are voting.
Fox News - I think we in this country are blessed with an innate genetic subconscious that equate freedom and democracy.
Colbert - I agree with the distinguished Ambassador from Chrome-Dome-ia.
He's not saying that Arabs are genetically inferior
>> So if this isn't pure prejudice, then what is it?
Colbert - How do I put this without sounding racist
if freedom was an Olympic pool, and democracy was water,
(satire) let's just say Muslims aren't good swimmers and should stick with basketball.
This has nothing to do with the color of their skin, folks.
(satire) It's the DNA under their skin.
>> And what's the fear mongering about what would happen 
if Muslims do choose our own leaders?
Colbert - (satire) Bottom line, they will elect the wrong candidates.
Glenn Beck - The experts are celebrating this as a victory for freedom.
No, well, maybe. You got rid of a dictator today. But what happens tomorrow?
Fox News - President Obama, he's talking about "we want democracy",
but when you talk about democracy, let's look at democracy
Germany had democracy and voted in Hitler.
Stewart - Oh, I can take care of this. Hey Egypt,
during your elections, if there's a guy running, 
he's got a little mustache 
and whenever he talks, he does this 
Yeah, don't vote for that guy.
In fact, don't even put that guy on the ballot.
**** that guy.
That will do it.
>> But for Islamophobes, any political party with the word "Muslim" in it, 
is far scarier than Hitler:
CNN - Will there be more radical members take over, 
like from the Muslim Brotherhood.
Fox News - 
...it's almost a certainty that the Muslim Brotherhood gets in.
Sean Hannity - 
the odds on favorite here is they come into power now.
Glenn Beck - 
Egypt is now Muslim Brotherhood, or will be.
Fox News - 
Right now, if the election is today, the Muslim Brotherhood wins.
Colbert - (satire) They are shoe-ins, folks.
A recent poll found that the Muslim Brotherhood has a 15% approval rating in Egypt
and in a Presidential straw-poll, they got 1%
those are John Thune numbers.
(satire) We know the Muslim Brotherhood is going to take over.
Christiane Amanpour - Well, you said 1%. 
Colbert - (satire) That's pretty frightening, that's not nothing.
Amanpour - It's nearly nothing, though.
Colbert - (satire) How scared should I be of them on a scale of 9 to 10.
Amanpour - A half
Colbert - (satire) Nine and a half, wow.
(satire) Why shouldn't I be afraid because, you heard the guy on TV
(satire) They don't have the genetic predisposition for democracy, 
and again that's just science.
>> Now, the fear mongering about an Islamic government 
is the impact of Sharia Law on the "freedoms" of non-Muslims.
First of all, "Sharia Law" applies ONLY to Muslims:
The Quran 5:47 says {Let the People of the GOSPEL
JUDGE by that which God has revealed THEREIN}
So, Islamic law is not imposed on non-Muslims, 
which is common knowledge to most Muslims.
For example, regarding pork and wine for Christians and Jews, 
Al-Sarakhsi wrote in Al Mabsoot:
"(The trade of) wine and pig for them is THE SAME as sheep and camel are for us."
And a Fatwa about wine from Al Azhar in Egypt states:
"It is LAWFUL for them to trade in it and to drink it among themselves"
Second, in terms of Freedom of Protest, 
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
"the best jihad is that of speaking a word of truth to an unjust ruler" (authentic)
So in case a leader is unjust, the voice of the people should be heard.
In fact, freedom of protest was even allowed to the hypocrites 
(who were disbelievers pretending to be Muslims)
despite rudely protesting against Prophet Muhammad himself, 
and threatening to expel him from Medina (Quran 63:8).
Third, unlike the U.S. Patriot act, the Quran guarantees the Right to Privacy:
an authentic hadith in Al Mustadrak describes when Umar and Abdulrahman Bin Auf came upon a house when they were on patrol:
Umar said: "...they are drinking now. What do you say?"
Abdulrahman said: "I see we have done what God forbade us 
(Quran 49:12) - {Do not spy} and we have spied.
So Umar left there and let them be.
But the FACTS about Islam won't get in the way of fear mongers' bigoted claims
that any government based on Islamic law would be somehow oppressive.
Glenn Beck - This whole thing is being painted, like it is more freedom.
But the reality is, it's just changing hands from one group of bad guys to another.
>> And now for a sarcastic answer to Glenn Beck's fear mongering:
Colbert - (satire) Clearly the Muslim brotherhood is going to seize power in Egypt 
and make it an enemy of America.
(satire) which is great news.
We can go back to fighting a country instead of a shadowy network.
Egypt has infrastructure.
We can blow up a bridge again, a bridge!
If we want to blow up a bridge in Afghanistan, we have to build it first.
Then, we can bring the people of Egypt democracy
because we have the innate genetic ability for it.
I mean, almost 25% of us voted last time.
They're calling for Democracy, right, the people in the square?
Amanpour - Yeah.
Colbert - (satire) How do they know they're even going to like it, 
if they've never had it.
It's like, in theory, kale is good for you.
Amanpour - Well, you've got to eat your kale.
Colbert - if you eat ... no one wants to have it once you eat it.
(satire) We don't even vote over here, and we're the source of all freedom.
>> But rather than being happy for Muslims who get their freedom,
the radical "AMERICANISTS" (ie, Islamophobic bigots)
insist that there must be sinister forces behind it all:
Glenn Beck - Is the chaos we're seeing just random?
Most people have no idea what these riots are about.
This isn't about politics.
This isn't about Egypt.
What you saw last week in Tunisia, now in Egypt
and it's spreading like wildfire.
This is not just happenstance.
This is not just poor people mad at rich people. This is coordinated.
Colbert - Who's behind the sudden overthrow of the Egyptian government?
Now a lot of people point to a generation of young, tech-savvy unemployed Egyptians
who wanted a better future for themselves and their children, simple answer.
And sure, Occam's razor says "the simplest answer is usually correct".
But fortunately, 
Glenn Beck isn't allowed NEAR razors.
Glenn Beck - The average person on the street of Cairo 
thinks they're swept up in some freedom movement.
It is not about freedom. 
It is being orchestrated by the Marxist-Communists and primarily, 
also the Muslim Brotherhood.
This is the coming insurrection.
This is what I have been warning about.
This will be on fire, this is already on fire, this is on fire, this is on fire.
This becomes a Caliphate.
The entire Mediterranean is on fire.
This becomes a Muslim Caliphate.
When you take the Marxists and you combine them with the radical from Islam,
when you combine those two forces, which is exactly, 
we'll show you this week, what is happening here,
the whole world starts to implode.
I'm saying a global Caliphate is coming, now...
I don't know when
I don't even know if it will happen.
Colbert - (satire) and, the conspiracies that we know are coming, 
but might never happen, are the most dangerous
because if they might never happen, 
how will we know if we stopped it?
>> Let's see how likely this "Muslim Brotherhood conspiracy theory" is:
Samer Shehata - No one in Egypt wants a war with Israel.
Colbert - Who is the person, if they held the election today, would it be ElBaradei?
Shehata - It probably would, and the Brotherhood actually, 
a day or so ago, came out and said
"we support Mr. ElBaradei"
>> Uh oh...if the Muslim brotherhood supports ElBaradei, 
you know what the radical "Americanists" are going to say about him:
Fox News - Why don't we hear more about 
ElBaradei's connection to the Muslim Brotherhood.
Glenn Beck - ElBaradei, yeah
the guy who loves the Muslim Brotherhood?
John McCain - 
ElBaradei is not a friend of the United States.
Glenn Beck - Uh, isn't he the former U.N. nuclear watchdog, 
wasn't he the guy that was like
"nope, Iran is cool. It's all cool".
Really?
>> No not really. ElBaradei's conclusion about Iran in 2009 
was that they DID NOT implement the required measures.
But the radical "Americanists" mainly dislike him 
for being RIGHT about Iraq NOT HAVING weapons of mass destruction.
Shehata - Mr. ElBaradei has been on the right side of history, 
and I think that's why he was awarded a Nobel Prize.
He's a very moderate figure.
He might not completely tow the American line, 
but he is not a radical.
He's not a radical, he's a liberal, he's a secular liberal.
>> Ironically, ElBaradei isn't the only Nobel PEACE Prize candidate 
who the radical "Americanists" want to demonize:
Democracy Now - The whistleblower website Wikileaks 
has been nominated for the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize.
>> And how do the "Americanists" feel  
about Wikileaks exposing many U.S. government 
lies and war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan?
Colbert - (satire) There is a word for people who publish information 
about what the government is doing:
Senator Mitch McConell - 
I think the man is a high tech terrorist.
Newt Gingrich - 
Julian Assange is engaged in terrorism.
Newt Gingrich - 
He should be treated as an enemy combatant.
Rep. Peter King - And the reason I say foreign terrorist organization, 
is because they're engaged in terrorist activity.
Colbert - (satire) He is a terrorist.
And we do not let terrorists run free,
after the first 10 years.
Time's almost up Bin Laden.
>> And what about Assange's right to journalistic protection:
Senator John Ensign - 
Julian Assange is not a journalist.
State Department - 
He is an anarchist.
State Department - 
and he is not worthy of the protections of a journalist.
Fox News, Tucker Carlson - 
He's not a journalist, that's ridiculous.
State Department - But we understand that the reporting of this 
is something that is what journalists do.
Colbert - Nameless government guy is right.
Unfortunately, Assange is still protected by the fig-leaf of the 1st amendment
(satire) so there's only 1 civilized response to his actions 
(Assange is in England):
Bob Beckel - 
We've got special ops forces
Bob Beckel - 
I mean a dead man can't leak stuff.
Bill O'Reilly - 
He could be executed.
Bill O'Reilly - 
That's what I'd like to see, a little drone hit Assange.
Bob Beckel - 
If I'm not for the death penalty, there's only one way to do it.
Bob Beckel - 
Illegally shot the son of a *****.
Tim Flanagan - 
I think Assange should be assassinated actually, 
Tim Flanagan - 
I think Obama should put out a contract and maybe use a drone.
Colbert - That last guy
is Canadian.
(satire) Come on America!
(satire) We can't let Canada out-assassinate us.
(satire) For some reason, Barak Obama won't order a drone strike on London.
All we've been able to do is cut off the cash:
Associated Press - Mastercard, Visa and Paypal 
have cut off electronic fund transfers to Wikileaks.
Colbert - to donate to Wikileaks, you can't use your Visa or your MasterCard, 
they have drawn a moral line in the sand.
(satire) Luckily, you can still use both 
to donate to the Ku Klux Klan.
Although MasterCard is the preferred card
(satire) of the Master race.
>> In conclusion, it isn't Muslims, 
it's the radical "Americanists" 
who have a genetic pre-disposition
to an authoritarian, prejudiced, oppressive, war mongering government 
that strips civil liberties while invading countries 
to force their "fundamentalist Americanism" on others.
