 
**Return to Grassland**

Penny Michaels

Copyright 2017 by Smashword

Belle Carpenter

April 2015

"We're going to need all of these shrubs ripped out and we want new-mature-hydrangeas planted; purple and white, but not stark-white, more of a vanilla-white, and we want the deep- purple." Mom insists as she marks things off her list. "The bridesmaid dresses are a true eggplant, so we cannot have the lavender. It has to be..."

"The deep purple. Got it." Hayden says, making a note on his clip board as well.

"Mom, Hayden is the most respected landscaper on the Gulf Coast. He's doing half the properties in Gulf Shores and Orange Beach now. I think he can handle hydrangeas." I argue nervously. I hate how she's always treated Hayden like he was the hired help... I mean technically he is the hired help right this minute, but only because this is his wedding present to me.

"I know how successful Hayden is." Mom says dismissively. "But this is your wedding dear. I want everything to be perfect."

I ignore her and turn to Hayden, "You know I loved yours and Georgia's wedding... behind your house over-looking the bay. It was perfect. That's when I decided I wanted to get married at home."

"And even though I had my heart set on the church where you were born and raised, I gave in. We're doing this your way." She insists.

I roll my eyes and I can tell Hayden is trying not to laugh. We both know when I pictured a wedding at home it, didn't include a $100,000 tent with chandeliers and a string-ensemble.

Hayden points down to the clearing in front of the trees. "Okay, you're setting up the tent there. So, I just need to you to decide where the dance floor is going to be because I think that's where we're going to want to plant the ornamental cherry trees?"

"Exactly." Mom says, clearly surprised that Hayden Nichols has a good idea. "I think that's everything for now. We'll meet in a few days once we get the final dimensions on the tent."

"Sounds like a plan."

"So, how's Georgia? Is she still working in Mobile?" Mom asks in the tone that tells me she really doesn't care, but years of southern breeding demand that she make polite conversation for a requisite few moments.

"Yes. She's doing great, feeling great. The doctors say there's no reason for her to stop working until closer to October when the baby comes."

"Oh mom, you should see her. She's the most beautiful pregnant woman ever." I tell her, but I can tell she's already left the conversation. She makes her final pleasantries and walks back toward the house.

"Hayden I can't think you enough for doing this. I know working with my mom is no picnic for you. And I've never exactly been Georgia's favorite person."

"I'd have to disagree with that. I'd say that at one time Georgia considered you one of her closest friends and you'll always be her family. And Claire and Avery think you're one of theirs." He says with a laugh.

"Claire and Avery are the official parents to wayward children. You've got to love them for it." I tease. "But seriously, this means the world to me."

"You're my sister. You know I'm going to do whatever I can to make your wedding everything you want it to be." Hayden argues.

"I know, but why can't you just be honest?" I say, my thin veneer of calm slipping in the harsh light of Hayden's silent disapproval.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Just admit that you're not happy about this wedding."

"I think you're rushing things. I think you are letting your mother railroad you into having a wedding and into having this wedding." He argues, motioning around the property where all her grand plans are going to be put into actions.

"Just admit it Hayden, you're not happy because I'm not marrying who you'd choose for me." I reply, shocking even myself when I hear the words come out of my mouth.

"Don't put this on me. It's not about who I want you to be with!" Hayden argues, his face revealing just how untrue those words are. "But you're right! I'd be a whole lot happier if we were planning your wedding with Max!"

September 2005

"Okay, let me see a standing punch-front into a running cartwheel, round-off." Coach Kingsley orders, ticking it off her list.

I wait my turn as the ninth graders go first followed by me and Sarah Griggs, a seventh-grade phenom. I land it without any trouble and wait for the next commands.

One by one Coach Kingsley calls for a standing back handspring, a running front handspring, a back handspring into a flip-flop, a running double full and a running round-off, back-flip twist. When she's through, only two ninth graders, Sarah and myself are still standing.

"Okay ladies, good job. Let me see you in your squads. Jenny Abrams, call the stunts. Griggs, I want you to rotate in for Evans as the flyer." My heart sinks, as Sarah gets the nod to rotate onto the ninth-grade squad. Then she turns and says, "Carpenter, I need to see you in my office."

We close the door and she says, "Belle, that was a really impressive display of tumbling out there."

"Thanks. But I took a big hop on one of my flip-flops and Sarah landed it clean."

"Sarah is exceptional. Unfortunately, Sarah still looks like a seventh grader. You were that little birdlike girl a year ago." She says with a laugh.

I nod. "Yes, I've grown an inch and a half over the summer. My gymnastics coach has pretty well written me off."

"How tall are you, 5"2'?"

"And a half."

She smiles again. "Well I don't think that's going to present too much of a problem with cheerleading."

"So why is Sarah flying with the ninth-grade squad right now?" I ask, unable to hide my disappointment.

"Because... I have a varsity flyer who's carrying a 71-average right now and if after the first 9 weeks she's dropped to a 69, I will have to have a new flyer on varsity... especially for the playoffs. If that happens, Sarah will have to replace you on the ninth-grade squad. Congratulations, you just got bumped up a level. You're flying in Cami Evans place and she's moving to spotter. What do you say?"

After practice I leave school and see my mom's Camry parked outside. I run to it excitedly and fling open the back door, talking enthusiastically before I even take my seat. "I got bumped up to ninth grade squad and Coach Kingsley said that if one of her senior's grades drop, I'll move to varsity for the play-offs and she said she's graduating all of her strongest tumblers, so I will almost definitely get to cheer on varsity next year when I'm a freshman! I get to start tomorrow night at the JV season opener!"

"That's amazing!" Mom says, putting the car in drive. "So, I guess it's safe to assume that all those extra tumbling practices you were 'forced' to go to over the summer paid off?"

I smile, deciding I'm too happy to let her typically snide comment upset me. She drives by football practice and I strain to catch a glimpse of number77.

I miss when Hayden lived with us. Of course, mom is thrilled to have him gone, though she'd never admit it. I don't know why she hated him being there so much. Even though dad fussed at him a lot for doing stupid stuff like skipping school or sneaking out to go see Georgia Cooper, he always just took his punishment and went about his business. And he was polite and helped around the house. Other than eating us out of house and home, I will never know what her problem was with him.

"You know you're going to injure your neck and not be able to cheer tomorrow night if you twist any further trying to see Hayden Nichols." Mom says with barely veiled contempt.

"I just miss him. I mean, he's lived with us most of my life and now he's just gone." I say sadly.

"He stayed with us because he had nowhere else to go, but now his brother is old enough to take care of him, so he's gone back to where he belongs. He was a foster child. That's how it works." She says coldly.

"But Hayden was different from the others." I argue.

"Only because he's the only one you had a crush on." She replies. "We need to stop by the grocery store."

"Can I get something to eat? I'm starving."

She reaches into her handbag and hands me a Ziploc bag. "Here you go."

"Celery sticks?" I say weakly.

"Dinner is in two hours. And if you want to stay on top of the pyramid then the answer is yes; celery sticks."

Max

"Stop biting your nails. You're making me nervous." I tell Carson as we stand on the other side of the banner, waiting to run out.

"Well I'm already nervous so good." He replies.

"Why are you nervous? You're gonna be great."

"I'm starting at quarterback... for the JV team... for the Grassland Gators. Caleb Sanders is going to graduate and play for LSU and there's no back-up but me. Everyone is going to be looking at me to see if I can step-up and fill his shoes next year." He says frantically.

"But you can, so just go with it." I reason. Carson has been my best friend forever. We met in pre-school and we've been friends ever since. When we were in second grade he moved out of the city-limits and changed schools, but we stayed friends because we were on the same peewee team. Then in fifth grade when the coaches started to realize how good he was, his mom made the decision to move back into town, so he could be a Gator. He's good; like really good. But he's short on confidence and taking charge doesn't come naturally to him. Sometimes I think he'd be happier just being in the background.

The crowd is cheering, the pep-band drums are sounding, and the cheerleaders are getting everyone fired up. And then the buzzer sounds, the fight song starts, and we tear through the banner at our first JV game.

And that's when I see her for the first time; it's just a glimpse of legs and a red ponytail tumbling down the sideline, but it's enough to make me trip and almost face-plant during my first run onto the field. "Who's the new cheerleader?" I ask breathlessly, as Carson and I jog along.

"Are you kidding me? I'm about to make a total ass out of myself and you're looking at cheerleaders."

I shrug. "What exactly is the point of playing football if not for the cheerleaders and the Gator Babes?" I tease and then I realize that sounds like something my sister's boyfriend, Hayden, would say, and I groan inwardly. Maybe Georgia's right and playing football will invariably turn me into a brutish, Neanderthal who treats girls like disposable property. But I like football and I'm pretty good at it. And this is the only thing I've ever done that makes my dad even acknowledge my existence.

Carson looks quickly and says, "I think that's Belle Carpenter."

"No way." I argue, looking again at the curvy, petite redhead with the enormous smile. "No way. Georgia's boyfriend has lived with the Carpenter's for years. That's not Belle."

Carson gives me a condescending look. "People grow up stud. Come on. We've got to go out for the coin toss."

We win the coin toss and opt to start on defense. As we're running back to the sidelines I look into the stands and find Georgia clapping proudly. She's seated with Caleb Sanders and Aimee Asher. The varsity players are encouraged to be at our games as a show of support, but I'm not surprised that Hayden isn't with Georgia.

"Was your mom able to get off work?" I ask, as we watch the defense take the field.

He shakes his head with tight lips and I don't ask him to elaborate. His mom is great, but she has to work all the time in order for him to be able to play. As a result, we spend a lot of time taking care of his little sisters. I start to ask who's got them tonight, but Carson looks like he's about to puke and he's turned ghost pale... which is no small event since he's only half-white to begin with.

The defense holds the other team to only one first down and then the punt receiving team takes the field, and they run the ball back to our 45-yard line.

"Come on QB. It's do or die time." I say, popping him on the helmet. We take the field. The center hikes the ball to Carson. I run wide around the defense and down to the other team's 47-yard line. Carson drops back, passes, and on the first pass of our first JV game, the pass is complete, and I run it in for a touchdown. Gators are up by six, the nerves have vanished, and Carson and I are in the zone.

We go on to win easily with a score of 27 to 6. The cheerleaders all run out to congratulate us and I try to find the one who may-or-may-not be Belle Carpenter. I see that her parents have whisked her away from the others, and I do recognize them as Hayden's foster parents. I'm contemplating going over to introduce myself when Cami Evans offers me a congratulatory hug that feels anything but platonic. I smile down at her and think; I've seen my sister twist herself in knots trying to be good enough for the Carpenters and that was just because of a foster kid. I can't imagine how hard they'd be on someone who tried to date Belle. And besides, I'm well on my way to being a Gator superstar. I can have anyone I want so why would I waste my time on an 8th grader?

But as we turn and run toward the field house with the cheerleaders running behind us, I can't help turning around to watch her walk away with her parents. Man, she's really cute.

Carson

By Monday morning, Caleb Sanders's car-wreck on Friday night has everyone spinning. At the end of the day we all go to practice, but I get called off the field and into the office.

"Caleb Sanders is out for an unspecified number of games... we could be looking at the end of his high school career, especially if we don't make it into the play-offs." Coach Reynolds says sternly. I've never sat across from the head-varsity coach before, but it's proving to be as deeply terrifying as I would have imagined.

"Y... yes sir?" I stammer, my voice barely audible.

"What's that son?" He says, and I realize that he heard my answer but he's referencing my quiet response.

"Yes sir." I say with a little more volume.

"I assume you understand how important Caleb Sanders is to the tradition of Gator football."

"Yes sir." I repeat.

"Therefore, we are not only trying to get to the playoffs because it is our job and what is expected of us, but because it is the best chance Caleb Sanders has of getting back on the field and in front of the scouts that have the power to give him a scholarship. Are you with me Jennings?"

"Yes sir." I say as loud and strong as I'm capable. "And I just want you to know that if you put me in as back-up quarterback on varsity I will know the playbook inside and out and I'm steady if you need me to hold the ball for the place kicker. I'm good at taking notes and analyzing the plays and yardage. I'm ready and I appreciate the opportunity to play... and I know that when Caleb Sanders comes back I'll move back to JV and I'm fine with that."

"Well I appreciate that son, but I'm not planning on putting you in at backup quarterback."

"Oh." I saw, my voice shrinking again.

"You're the new first-string quarterback for the Grassland Gators."

I stare at him, trying not to gape open mouthed. "W...w...why?"

"Why son?"

"Y...y...yes s...sir?" I stammer.

"Well because from what I've observed you have a hell of a good arm, better than Langley, and you're a damn sight faster too so from where I sit you're the only quarterback we've got without Caleb Sanders here. Can you understand that son?"

"Yes sir." I nod, sitting up taller and straighter under his intimidating gaze.

"So, let's get to work cause it's a long way from where you are to Auburn."

***

"He made me starting-quarterback!" I scream to Max as we break away from the rest of the team and start toward my house.

"No way." Max gasps before clapping me on the back. "No freaking way! Are you kidding me now? Are you freaking kidding me?"

"No, I'm not kidding you and stop acting like this is a good thing. This is not a good thing. I'm gonna get killed. I'm going in this week... on the road. With Caleb Sanders listening on the radio while I throw away the season and his future!" I say frantically.

"Dude, listen to me and chill out." Max says, shaking me a little. "The season is blown... everybody knows that. Putting you in is like a Hail-Mary. If someone is going to make the long pass and make something happen this season, your chances are better than Mike Langley. But in reality, they're putting you in because Mike Langley has no chance in hell of getting this team to the playoffs. You have a sliver of a chance in hell, but more importantly... you're the superstar for the next three years. You're the next big thing. And if this year's in the toilet, the next big thing better be pretty freaking big."

"Really?" I ask, looking at him quizzically and everything he's saying makes sense. I'm the better player, but Max understands the game way better than me. He's also a much stronger leader.

"Yes, and in the meantime... starting-quarterback gets the starting-quarterback 's Gator Babe."

"Dena Baker?" I say, feeling my first glimmer of excitement. Dena Baker is built and beautiful and famous for her homemade cow patty cookies.

"Dena Baker."

Maybe being starting-quarterback isn't going to be such a bad break after all.

Max

October 2007

"You were A... MAZING!" Addison Macon says, twirling her hair and touching my arm, my shoulder, my arm again to punctuate every word. Everyone is high on our post homecoming victory and I'm no exception.

"More like AMAXING!" Rebekah Moore adds. I don't even have a clue what that's supposed to mean, but she and Addison laugh likes it's really funny and Addison touches me about five more times, so I laugh boisterously too. Carson smiles nervously, but they love it. He's QB1 and he's got the whole "humble-aw-shucks" thing down pat. Not that it's an act, but it works all the same.

"So, we're going to Maci Ellis's house for the after party. Will we see you there?" I ask, draping an arm around Addison. She's 5"9' with long blonde hair and big boobs and she's a senior Gator Babe. What more can a sixteen-year-old junior ask for?

Rebekah cozies up to Carson, who makes no move at all, but the sexy brunette with the legs that come from being a cross-country star and the face that goes with being Miss Grassland, Miss Cotton State and Miss Gator City is undaunted as she says, "Oh we'll totally be there."

"Well we will totally look for you guys there." I say, as we head toward the field house where Hayden is waiting to congratulate us. Carson thinks Hayden walks on water, and, why shouldn't he? When Caleb Sanders went out for the season, Hayden stepped in and dragged Carson all the way to a state-championship as a Freshman. Along the way, I learned to like Hayden better than I once did. He's been really good to us this last year, helping us with tackling drills and just keeping Carson calm as the pressure mounts with another State Championship in our sights. We only made it to the first round of the play-offs last year with no one on defense who could step into Hayden's shoes. We're still a little weak on the defensive side this year, but our offense has been virtually unstoppable; in no small part because Carson is the best QB in the state right now, but I've led the region in receptions and receptions run-in for TD's so I'm doing my part.

"Okay... good game, great looking Gator Babes." Hayden says, when we reach him. "Please tell me you're hooking up with them tonight."

"It's under consideration." Carson says.

"Dude, you're QB1. Get in the game already." He says, smacking Carson on the shoulder.

I see Aimee Asher hanging back behind him. I don't get them together at all. Anytime I see them, it's obvious they don't even like each other. And I get it that Hayden is still in love with Gigi. God knows she's still in love with him. But Aimee Asher is gorgeous. She doesn't deserve to be second best to anyone. But the sad thing is, I get the distinct impression from her that she thinks that's all she deserves these days.

We talk to Hayden for a few more minutes and then we start for the locker room and I'm already mentally rehearsing my pick-up lines for Addison, when I turn my head and it all goes to hell in a handbasket.

Belle Carpenter is talking to Hayden, all smiley and bubbly and happy. Belle Carpenter with the compact curves, the flaming auburn ponytail and the peaches and cream complexion. Belle Carpenter, the one girl I don't know if I will ever have the courage to talk to.

"Oh god. Oh no. Please tell me we're not back to that." Carson says, dragging me into the locker room.

"What are you talking about?"

"I would take my next paycheck and rent a room for you and slutty Addison Macon if you'd just get the hell over Belle Carpenter." Carson says infuriatedly.

"I'm not... not over her!" I argue.

"For two years... two years you've been after her like a dog with a bone."

"There's nothing going on with me and Belle." I argue.

"Oh, I know that." He says sarcastically. "I'm well aware that there's nothing going on with you and Belle. Everyone in the world knows there's nothing going on between you and Belle. The only person who doesn't know that nothing's going on with you and Belle is you!"

I make up my mind to go to the party and close the deal with Addison just to prove Carson wrong... and also maybe I'll prove to myself that Carson is wrong too.

But we get to the party and Belle's there and all my well-rehearsed pick-up-lines fly out the window and are replaced with strategic ways to put myself in the Belle's orbit. I duck behind a fichus tree to avoid Addison and take an offered solo cup, contents unknown. It's going to be a long night.

Belle

"OMG! Max Cooper is totally eyeballing you." Sarah says excitedly. I'm just excited to be at a party. Of course, if my parents knew I was here, and not at Sarah's; I'd be in it deep, but they figure that since Sarah is only a freshman her parents are super strict. What they don't know is that Sarah's parents are not super strict as long as they know she's with me, because I'm Belle Carpenter, president of "Fellowship of Christian Students", "True Love Waits" and "Students Against Driving Drunk."

"Please go talk to him. He's so insanely hot. Just do it for me, so I can stand next to you and live vicariously." Sarah begs, pointing me in Max's direction.

She's right. Max is definitely looking at me over the rim of his solo cop, and I'm not so obtuse to the rest of the world that I've never noticed him checking me out before. And she's right about him being insanely hot. There's nothing about Max not to like. He's tall... like if anything ever were to happen between us I'd need a step ladder just to kiss him. He's all muscled and tanned with close cropped dark hair and a killer smile. And right now, in his number16 jersey, jeans and boots he's any girls high school football fantasy... any girl but me.

"Max is cute, but he's not... I don't know." I say, with a shrug.

"Oh God, he's not Hayden Nichols." She says, and I tense internally because I tell myself that I do a really good job of hiding my feelings for Hayden. Even my mother doesn't lecture me anymore about my "crush." But if a nitwit like Sarah can tell it, then who else knows?

"What are you talking about?" I ask irritably.

"Oh, come on. You did everything but shoot daggers straight out of your eyes tonight when he was standing there with Aimee Asher."

"I did not." I argue, thinking that Aimee is not the one I'm jealous of. He could care less about her. No, the daggers came out when they were joined by Georgia Cooper and Caleb Sanders. When Hayden and Georgia broke up senior year, I was celebrating right along with all the Gator Babes. I thought now, all I needed was for him to stay with Aimee a couple of more years till I was old enough for him to notice me and I'd be golden. But seeing him tonight with Georgia reminded me of the way he used to look at her; the way I wanted him to look at me. If she snapped he'd be wrapped around her finger before she could say, "Aimee who?" Or "Belle who?" for that matter.

"Isn't that kind of gross? I mean, he's practically your brother." She points out.

"Well that depends on who you ask. My dad would say he was practically my brother. My mom would say he was a stray dog." I explain, not adding that both of them would roll over and die if they thought anything was actually going to happen between us. "But the point is, he's not my brother. He's more like a close family friend... not that it even matters because I'm not interested in him."

"Well why don't you prove it?" She replies.

Sarah can be snarky and she's still not over me getting moved to the varsity squad instead of her.

"How do you want me to prove it?"

"Go hook up with Max Cooper."

"That is so immature." I snap. "I'm not doing it."

"Because he's not Hayden." She says, doing everything but making air-kisses.

"Shut up. Someone will hear you." I say turning to walk away.

She looks ready to cause a scene and I figure the next thing she's going to do it start in with a chorus of "Hayden and Belle sitting in a tree." I turn and make a beeline and run smack into Carson Jennings. "He'll do." I think.

"Play along with me." I say, tossing my head like he just said something funny.

"What?" He asks, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Just play along. Act like we're flirting." I say, pulling him into a corner.

"Okay my best friend..." He starts, looking like he's on his way to the guillotine.

"I know, I know. Max is great. I'm not interested. Just act like there's something going on." I say, pretending to giggle and flip my hair.

"Yeah, but if he sees me he'll have a come apart." Carson argues. "And not only do I not want to piss off my best friend, but he's a big guy. If he decided to hit me I'd be done for."

"Trust me. The way he's drinking, he wouldn't notice if you and I went at it on the coffee table." I explain, possessively putting my hand on his arm.

"Oh, trust me. He would notice."

"Fine. Tell him you're talking him up." I reason, throwing my head back and laughing giddily.

"Well I could talk him up. He's a great guy. And he almost never drinks like this. It's just because he has this big crush on you."

"Well big crushes are lethal. Trust me. I know."

"Who's your big crush on?" He asks, and then shakes his head. "Oh yeah, Hayden. You're wasting your time there. You know he's gonna get back together with Georgia."

"Says who?" I ask, turning angry.

"All you have to have are eyes to know that. He's crazy about her and she is about him. They're like... destined."

"Oh gross." I snap, turning on my heels and walking away.

Sarah grabs my hand and spins me around. "Oh, that was so much better. I mean, not only is Carson Jennings like the quarterback and C-razy hot, but your parents would totally kill you for even thinking about him."

"Why? Carson's a great guy. He makes good grades and he goes to church all the time. And like you say, he is the quarterback."

"He's biracial. They would totally die. But you know, that's what makes him sooo super-hot."

"That is an awful thing to say. And besides. My dad would be just as upset about something happening with Max Cooper. His sister is Georgia Cooper, who my dad always thought was a bad influence on Hayden."

"Well that's ridiculous. I'm sure if anyone in that relationship was the bad influence it was hottie Hayden." She says, and I want to slap her.

"You know you have a severely limited vocabulary." I reply smugly.

"What?"

"You use the word hot entirely too often. Hayden, Max and Carson are all very different types of guys. It's illogical to call them all hot."

"Okay, then how would you describe them?"

"Okay, Max is really good looking. Carson is completely cute. And Hayden is..." Seriously sexy I think but I say. "Extremely handsome."

"Gag." She says, sticking her finger in her mouth and pretending to retch. "So, what happened with Carson?"

"Nothing. He just wasn't that interesting after all."

"I'm going to go after him." She says, turning to find him in the crowded room. Lucky for him, he's obviously stepped out of the room.

"Why? You never even mentioned him."

"Well I know, but if you're not afraid to go there I'm not either. Besides, you know they always go after girls like me." She says, putting on her lip gloss.

"What do you mean girls like you? You mean blondes? That's such a stereotype."

She shrugs. "It doesn't mean it isn't true."

"You know you're really a bitch." I snap, breezing passed her, thankful that I saw which direction Carson went, and she didn't. I find him, trying to get a seriously drunk Max out of the house.

"Hey Carson, can I have a ride home?" I yell, running to catch up to him.

"What?" He asks irritably.

I slip in on the other side of Max and take his other arm. "I asked if you'd take me home?"

"What about him?"

"I'll help you get him to the car and then you can take me home. He'll never even know I was there."

Carson nods and we drag him the rest of the way to Carson's car... a station wagon with a pink booster-seat in the back.

"Thanks." I say. "I couldn't stand another minute in there."

"Who were you riding home with?"

"Oh, I came with Sarah Griggs. Actually, we rode with her neighbor and her neighbor's boyfriend. We were supposed to be spending the night at her house, but she was getting on my nerves." I explain irritably.

"She's cute." He says conversationally.

"Oh, do not even look at her. As a matter of fact, never go out with a blonde." I say angrily.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He says defensively.

"Uhhh nothing." I reply, attempting to back track.

"Is that like, one of those jungle fever stereotypes?" He asks and suddenly the sweet-dimpled guy looks more like the fiercely competitive quarterback from the field.

"I'm sorry. Forget I said it." I plead, attempting to apologize.

He shakes his head and looks away and now I feel like a bitch. "Look, Sarah is just one of those people. There's always going to be those kinds of people. Don't let it get to you."

He's quiet for a few minutes, but finally says, "You know my mom is a blue-eyed-blonde. My sisters are blue-eyed-blondes. I've been raised in a blue-eyed-blonde world, but I look like this."

"Carson, you're completely... hot." I say, borrowing Sarah's favorite word. "99% of people don't think that way anymore."

He shakes his head and sighs before saying, "Oh hell, what do I know? My dad, wherever he's at, certainly went for the blue-eyed-blonde type."

I shrug. "At least you're not hung up on someone who thinks of you as his little sister."

Carson glances across the front seat at me. "But aren't you like his little sister? I mean, that's what he tells us anyway."

I huff. "I was eight when he came to live with us! I had a crush on him immediately, so no. I am not his sister." Then I shake my head and cover my eyes. "But if Georgia Cooper's back in the picture, I might as well be his little brother!"

Carson laughs ruefully and so do I. We pull into my driveway, and he puts the car in park.

"So, are you going to be able to get him into the house when you get home?" I ask.

"Yeah, we'll manage. And thanks for telling me about Sarah because I really did think she was cute tonight."

"Anytime." I say, opening the door.

"Bye Belle." Max says sleepily from the back seat. "You're soooooo beautiful. Even your name means... bee-u-tiful."

Carson and I look at each other and laugh, and I close the door behind me. Then I look in the backseat as they start to pull away. Max is already curled up in the fetal position, holding a stuffed animal, probably belonging to one of Carson's sisters. As I start toward the house I think to myself, "You know he's both really good looking and insanely hot."

December 2007

New Year's Eve 2007 started out so promising. Cami Evans and Jenny Abrams and I all made an appearance at the parent-approved church party, but Jenny is friends with one of the college girls who's a chaperone, so she signed us in and turned a blind eye when we left. Our first stop is downtown where we see a ton of people and we're making the rounds, figuring we'll end up going on to a non-parent-approved party. And then, there they are; Hayden and Georgia, making out in the middle of Main Street. And me standing there like the dumb fifteen-year-old I am. When Cami and Jenny find me and tell me they're ready to go to the party, I'm relieved to at least get away from the scene of my humiliation.

We walk in the door and I head straight for the punch, taking a solo cup and helping myself. I hate to feel stupid and I hate to lose and tonight I did both. I look around the room and my eyes fall on Max Cooper. Super-hot Max Cooper who's crazy about me. Super-hot Max Cooper who could have any girl he wants and yet even now his chocolate brown eyes are following me around the room. It takes a strong girl to keep ignoring those eyes... along with the body they're attached to, and tonight, I am not a strong girl. I cross the floor and throw my arms around him.

"Happy New Year." I say enthusiastically.

"Happy New Year. Are you okay?" He asks, giving me a weird look.

"Okay? Are you kidding me? I'm great. It's New Year's Eve. Have you tried the punch? It's really good punch." I say excitedly.

"Yeah, it's about 100 proof and you weigh like ninety pounds."

"Uhuh. I'm almost 5"3' now and I weigh 102 lbs. My mom says I'm getting fat and they won't let me be on top of the pyramid next year." I say, pulling him down so I can talk against his ear. "Is it just me or am I talking really loud?"

"You are talking a little loud. Why don't we take a walk in the fresh air? How much of this have you had?" He asks, taking away my cup.

"Hey... I want that." I say.

"We'll get more later. How much have you had?" He asks sweetly.

"Only a little." I answer truthfully... I think anyway. "You really are sooo cute. And sooo sweet too. Why don't you have a girl friend?"

He gives me a bemused smile. "I don't know. Why don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Because I'm a stupid girl with a stupid crush... but tonight. I'm crushed no more! I'm making a move."

"Making a move?" He says, looking suddenly surprised.

"Hmmhmm." I say, wrapping my arms around him and coming face to chest with him. I giggle helplessly and throw back my head. "I said one time if I ever kissed you I'd need a step ladder and look at me. I do. Can you come down here, so I can kiss you?"

He eagerly obliges and when his lips touch mine I sigh happily inside. I've never been kissed before, but super-hot-Max Cooper is really good at it. When he puts his arms around my waist and picks me up I feel as light as a feather... like I'm really floating.

We kiss for a long time and I didn't even realize that we'd ended up on the chaise lounge until Max pulls away from me. I look up at him and I run my finger over his lips. "You look really cute wearing my lipstick."

He grins and says, "You look really cute without lipstick... especially when you're not wearing it because I kissed it off you. But you're drunk, and I like you a lot. So, I think I should take you home."

"I can't go home. If my parents find out I've been drinking, they'll kill me." I say feeling the first glimmer of reality come back to me.

"Okay, I'll drive you home and we'll take the long way and see if we can sober you up. How's that sound?"

Max

We've been driving for an hour, with the windows down. I offered to get coffee, but she says she doesn't like it. While we've driven, we've talked... about her having to give up being a competitive gymnast and about me moving in with Avery and Hayden. We've talked about school and how she wants to teach elementary PE, which I think is sort of adorable... and how I plan to join the marines and then go to college. She's talked about her mom and how hard she pushes her... to be thin, to always win, to be "better" than anyone else. She says that her mother won't hear of anything but that she'll go to her Alma Mater, Wesleyan College in Macon, Ga. It's an all-girl Methodist College, and the last place she wants to attend. I surprise myself when I tell her about my dad and how it feels to hate the only parent you have left.

I turn down Bayou Rd toward her house and she reaches across the front seat and takes my hand.

"Don't take me home yet Max. I'm not ready for tonight to end." She pleads.

"It's after 2:00. Your parents think you're at church." I argue, searching her face to try to see what she's feeling. I want so badly to see something there. I wonder if I'm imagining that she's looking at me differently than she ever has; if I'm seeing what I want to see.

"I know but... I know how to sneak back in without getting caught. I learned it from Hayden." She says, holding tightly to my hand and twining her fingers through mine. Her hands are tiny compared to mine, but they still seem to fit perfectly.

I laugh. "Yeah, probably sneaking into my house with my sister."

"Does your sister love him... as much as he loves her?" She asks letting go of my hand but putting her head against my shoulder.

I think that's sort of an odd question, but I nod. "Yeah. She loves him more than anything."

She nods and reaches toward the steering wheel, and then she puts her hand on top of mine. "Can we just park here for a while?"

I look at her and her eyes look clear now... but the last thing I want to do is take advantage of her. I'm in love with this girl.

As if reading my thoughts, she says, "I'm not drunk Max. I know what I want."

"What's do you want?" I ask nervously.

She leans boldly toward me and says, "Tonight... I want you."

Belle

February 2008

"You look tired. Have you been taking your B12 complex?" Mom asks as we stand in the fitting room at Sophie's and try on another dress. Shopping with my mother is a monthly excursion and one that is always fraught with potential terror, but as we're shopping for my upcoming 16th Birthday party it's even worse. Other mothers of soon-to-be sixteen-year-old girls just take them to Mobile or Spanish Fort and drop them off at the mall with their credit card and a spending limit. Not us. Everything has to be tried on and critiqued at length. And if it was normal things that worried her like too much cleavage or too much leg, it would be one thing, but it's always things like – "that makes your butt look too big" or "that makes your chest look flat" or "your little belly shows in that material" and "that color does nothing for red-heads." She's exhausting.

"This one must be cut small." I say when she zips it and it feels too tight. Although at the moment even my skin feels too tight. I'm three days late and if I don't start soon, PMS is going to take over and I'll turn into one of those mutant creatures who terrorize entire towns.

"Perhaps you're cut too big." Mom says, and I wait until her eyes no longer meet mine in the mirror to glare at her.

"I'm the same size I've been all year. It's just that time of the month. I'm bloated."

"You wouldn't be bloated if you'd drink a 108 oz. of purified water a day and lay off the salt. Those pickles you live on are loaded with salt. You should eat plain cucumbers instead."

"I'd rather eat food-colored ice cubes!" I scream, ripping the dress off my body.

"Annabelle Joy Carpenter, don't you dare speak to me like that!" She says, grabbing my arm and digging her fingers into my skin until I have tears in my eyes.

"Yes ma'am." I whisper, barely able to talk.

"Now clean up this mess and clean up your face and come on. We're going home, and you can wear something you already own, to your party... Assuming anything you have at home still fits. When you have a new attitude then we'll talk about new clothes."

She leaves, and I sink to the floor and I sob uncontrollably and then I stand up to put my clothes on... and when I do I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and that's when I realize that I do look heavier than normal. And that's when it hits me that I'm three days late. I've never been three days late... even though I'm a gymnast and we tend to be irregular.

I look at myself in the mirror and I feel the world suddenly tilt on its axis. I know nothing is confirmed yet, but it's just a matter of time before I know I'll be forced to face the fact that I'm still a week away from my sixteenth birthday, and I'm pregnant.

Hayden

For eight years, I've been suffering through these awkward dinners where Jesse Carpenter tries to include me in their family circle. I managed to beg off from the last several invitations, but this is one that I had no choice but to attend. This is Belle's sweet sixteen party.

I find her across the room between her parents. Her dad is beaming proudly, and her mom is holding onto her like she's a prize trophy. I have no doubt that Dana Carpenter chose every article of clothing she's wearing from her demure lilac dress with a big poufy skirt to her complete set of matching pearl jewelry. Belle looks tense and a little sick. I decide I must make a point to try to catch a few minutes with her before I leave, although I'm counting the minutes till I can get out of here. Georgia surprised me this afternoon with news that she'd traded her shift for the weekend and is on her way home. I could have brought her with me tonight, but it's bad enough for me to have to bear-up under the Carpenter's scrutiny. I won't subject Georgia to it till I have to.

I look around the room at the guest and something occurs to me. Besides Belle, I'm the youngest person here. Only the Carpenter's would throw a sweet sixteen party for someone without inviting any other sixteen-year-olds.

I sit through dinner with all the Carpenter's guests; all friends of theirs instead of Belle's. The Asher's are there and Teddy Gregory and his wife as well as Coach Reynolds and his wife.

Coach talks to me about the upcoming year. He's counting big on Carson and Max getting them back to state this year. They haven't won since I was a senior so it's time to bring the trophy back where it belongs. He laughs about it, but the truth is that everyone knows the Gators win state and a coach who goes too many years without winning state will not remain the Gator coach for long. I respect Coach more than almost anyone I know, and I'd hate to see him leave us. We talk about some prospects on defense and it's always good to be a part of the game again.

Finally, Mr. Carpenter finds me. I wasn't exactly avoiding him, but if I could have made it out without seeing him, it wouldn't have broken my heart. "Hayden, I'm glad you made it. Belle would have been disappointed if you hadn't."

"That's why I wouldn't have missed it sir. Tell Mrs. Carpenter that dinner was delicious." I lie. One of the best parts about living here was that there was always plenty to eat. Mr. Carpenter believed in eating and eating well. He always made sure there was plenty at meal time. But whenever there's an event when his wife takes charge the food becomes small, flavorless and probably healthy.

I look at my watch and it's after nine. If I leave now I can call Georgia and have her meet me on the boat by ten. I miss Coop all the time, but I know how important school is to her. It's her dream and, since we got back together at Christmas, I'm committed to making every sacrifice for her to accomplish her goals, even if the sacrifice is time with her. But lately I feel like I'm more committed to her dreams than she is. The truth is, I'm worried about her. When she's there she's calling me constantly crying because she's homesick and when she's here she can't seem to enjoy herself because she knows she has to go back.

I start making plans to leave and try to catch a moment alone with the birthday girl. When I finally catch up to her, I take her elbow and guide her to the side. "So, I think I misread my invitation. Was this your sixteenth birthday party or your sixtieth? Did you parents not think you might want to celebrate with some of your actual friends?" I tease.

"I'm so glad to see you." She says, her eyes clouded with fear. "I have to talk to you."

"Okay." I say softly.

"Not here. I can't take the chance on anyone hearing me."

"Well where and when?"

She looks around the room. "Surely this party is winding down soon. Can I meet you somewhere when it's over?"

"I've got..." I begin to make my excuses, but then I look at her face and I know there's something really wrong with her. "What's going on Belle?"

She looks around to make sure we're alone and then she blurts out. "I'm pregnant. I got drunk on New Year's Eve and I lost my virginity and I got pregnant."

Belle

"I'm sorry it's so late but I couldn't get away till now." I explain, sitting on the boat deck beside him. There are a million reasons that motivated me to tell Hayden about my pregnancy and none of them have anything to do with the crush that got me into this mess. The truth is, I'm terrified and Hayden is the one person from my childhood who never made me feel like his feelings for me were based on my "good behavior." I guess therein lies the reason for the crush in the first place.

He shakes his head and says, "You have to tell him Belle."

"Why? It's not about him. It was one night! One stupid meaningless time!" I say tearfully, and I can't believe I'm telling Hayden that I had a meaningless night; with Max Cooper of all people.

"Okay first of all, I'm not so sure he would say it was a stupid meaningless night. And second he has a right to know just because."

I wish there could have been some way to keep Hayden from knowing it was Max's, but upon hearing the news, he immediately turned into a big brother on the verge of going vigilante on the person who had "robbed" his little sister of her virginity. It's just one more rung on the ladder to my complete and total humiliation as a human being.

"But there won't be anything to know if I can just get $600." I say desperately.

"Belle this isn't about the money. This is the biggest decision you'll ever make in your life. You need to talk to someone... what about Coop?"

I want to hit him for even suggesting it. "She's the last person I should talk to."

"Fine then someone else. Mrs. Asher..."

"She'd tell my parents. Anyone from school will tell my parents. And Georgia..."

"I know. Georgia would tell Max." He says, and for the first time the fear creeps in that his loyalty to her will outweigh my trust of him and he'll feel he has to tell her. And of course, she'll have to tell Max.

"Max is a good guy, but I got myself into this and I don't want to ruin his life too. Besides... I hardly even know him." The look of shock and disappointment on Hayden's face should hurt more than it does, but the truth is, it only mirrors what I feel for myself every time I think of this.

"Belle... I'm the last person on earth who can say one word about bad choices in relationships, but seriously, this isn't you. What happened?"

I start crying and bury my face in my hand. "It's so stupid. it's the most pathetic thing ever. I mean, just the thought of hearing it out loud is almost too much."

"You don't have to tell me but if you want to... I promise not to think you're stupid."

"It was you and Georgia. That night I saw y'all at New Year's Eve... downtown, holding hands and kissing...it was so obvious how you felt about her, about each other..."

He stares at me for a moment and then wraps his arms around me and as I sob against his shoulder the last remaining remnants of my feelings for him disappear and I see what everyone else has always known; I really am like a little sister to him. "Hayden I'm so scared. I don't want to do this. I don't believe in this. But my parents will kill me. I cannot have a baby."

"We'll figure this out. If you decide to have an abortion or if you want to keep it; either way. You don't have to go through it alone. Whatever you decide I'm with you. You know how much you mean to me."

"Oh, my God." We turn at the sound of Coop's voice and I hardly have time to process what is happening until Hayden is chasing after her. I want to go after her too, but the reality is that there's no way out of this for Hayden other than for Georgia to know the truth, and as bad is this is, the only thing worse will be for everyone to know about it; especially Max.

Carson

I feel like my life is hanging on by a thread right now. My mom is getting serious with Avery. Avery is trying to act like my dad; which is made stranger by the fact that I have no idea how a dad is supposed to act. Hayden and Georgia broke up so he's all mopey and weird, and then there's Max. I can't help thinking that something must have really happened between him and Belle Carpenter at New Year's Eve because he's been in some sort of tailspin since then. He started out walking on clouds, but as the weeks have gone by he's gotten more depressed. I don't know how much more of this I can stand. I mean, this has got to stop.

I'm in the library, trying to work on my research paper, but my mind keeps wandering back to my problems. I blame on the book I'm using and decide to pick another. I start down the aisle toward the biography section but see Belle at the antiquated card catalog and decide to make a bold mood.

"Okay I've had it." I say angrily, grabbing Belle's arm and pulling her toward the back of the library.

"What?" Belle asks, her face showing shocked concern. "What are you talking about?"

"Max... Max is my best friend. And I don't know what happened between you two at New Year's, but he's unglued. So... either you should tell him once and for all that you hate him or go and make out with him or something, but you've got to fix him because I need my best friend back!" I say angrily.

"What do you mean you don't know what happened between us at New Year's. What makes you think anything happened?" She says angrily and then her eyes fill with tears. "He told you, didn't he? I thought he was a nice guy."

I let go of her arm and jump back like someone who's been burned. Surely, she can't mean what it sounds like she means. "Oh God. He didn't tell me anything."

"What?"

"He didn't tell me anything. I just know he's upset. So, what happened? I don't mean... what happened? I mean, since something obviously did happen, why is he so miserable?"

"Because it was a huge mistake. He called me like a hundred times afterwards and I kept ignoring him and then when he wouldn't take the hint, I told him the truth. That it was stupid, and it didn't mean anything, and I wanted him to leave me alone." She says tearfully. "So, there you go. I didn't tell him I hated him, but he's got to know that this is over. It meant nothing and it's never ever going to happen again!"

I stare at her... at her pale face, sleep deprived eyes and worried frown and I realize something. If it was just a mistake to her, something meaningless that's never going to happen again, why does she look like this? Max looks like this because he's in love with her, and he thought he had her, and now losing her is worse than ever. But if she doesn't care about him, then there's only one other logical explanation for the way she looks.

"You're pregnant." I whisper, barely able to utter the words.

Her face registers shock and then bitter resignation. "How did you know?"

"I don't know. I just did." I say weakly. "Does Max know?"

"No. I'm not keeping it. Telling him would just hurt him more and... I've hurt him enough already." She tells me, her voice sounding hollow and dead.

I nod because I agree. Max love kids and he loves Belle. This would destroy him.

"Have you seen a doctor yet?"

She shakes her head. "I've taken about twenty pregnancy tests and I've already missed two... I never do that."

I stare at her for a long time. "Does anyone else know?"

"Only Hayden... and Georgia, but she doesn't know it's Max's. She thinks it's Hayden's."

"So, that's why she broke up with him. That is messed up." I say, still slightly in shock. "What happens when Hayden and Georgia get back together?"

"What makes you think they will?" She asks doubtfully.

"I told you, they're destined." I explain. "They're going to get back together and then he'll have to tell her the truth and she'll tell Max."

She shakes her head. "I can't think about that now. Besides, Hayden wouldn't break my confidence."

I don't think I agree with her. When it comes to Georgia and the rest of the world, Hayden will always put Georgia first. But I can't worry about that right now either. So instead I say, "You should go see my mom."

"Why?"

"She's a nurse. She knows stuff. She'll help you."

"Help me with what?" She asks bitterly.

"Well for starters, how do you plan on getting an abortion?"

"I have $500. I only need a $100 more." She answers defiantly.

"I mean how are you going to get an abortion without parental consent. This is Alabama. You're not getting an abortion without your parents. In no southern state are you getting an abortion without your parents." I remind her.

I see the look on her face and I realize that she's not even thought of this.

"How far along are you? Is it still safe to have an abortion?" I ask.

"It's safe through the first twelve weeks. I'm almost nine weeks."

"Are you sure?" I ask.

She gives me a look. "Yes. I'm 100% sure when I got pregnant and thus how far along I am."

I nod because I figured it was her first time. It was Max's too... at least as far as I know. But the thought occurs to me that if he did something as huge as losing his virginity... with Belle Carpenter no less and didn't tell me; then he could be doing all sorts of things that I don't know about.

Claire

"Belle have you thought about this... I mean really thought about it?" I ask, staring her in the eyes with a hard gaze.

She nods, and I can tell that she has probably thought of nothing else, and yet she has no idea what she's getting into.

"And the father. Does he know? Is he in the picture?"

She shakes her head and I force myself to ask the question that I don't want to ask. "I asked Carson this already, but I'm asking you too. Is... is this his baby?"

"No Mrs. Jennings, I promise it's not his baby." She says crying. "The father is a nice guy, but we're not together. We don't even know each other. And... I cannot have a baby and it will just hurt him to know the truth."

I nod and when I begin to speak I realize I'm about to tell a story that I have only told one other person in my entire life and that person was Avery and that was only recently. When I finally opened up to him and told it, I didn't think I'd be telling it again, any time soon and now here I am. "I want to tell you a story... I'm not trying to change your mind or make you doubt yourself, but I want you to think about what you're doing. What this is going to mean to you forever.

"When I was fifteen-years-old, barely fifteen, I met a boy. His name was Charlie and he was nineteen and beautiful. I was a white girl from a rich family in Biloxi. I was not supposed to think that a black boy was beautiful, but he was. He was on football scholarship at Grambling State in Louisiana, but he was working for my parents that summer. They were building new stables for our horses. My sister and I showed horses. I won all the time. That was my life. But, he talked to me about college and growing up in Chicago and I was immediately in love with him. I was stupid enough to believe he was in love with me too. I lost my virginity to him, three days before he was supposed to go back to college. When I realized a few weeks later that I was pregnant, I called his dorm... over and over again, and he finally answered me after too many times to count. And he said he'd be back to see me after the game that weekend and we'd figure everything out. But he never came. And he never answered my phone calls or my letters after that."

I look down and compose myself, embarrassed that after all these years, saying that out loud still hurts. "Now my parents were probably a lot like yours. They were very active in church and well thought of in the community. But unlike yours, instead of refusing to allow me to have an abortion, I'm quite certain they'd have dragged me off to have one before the words were out of my mouth."

"How do you know that?" She asks, clearly surprised.

"Because a friend of my sister got pregnant about a year before me, and she had her baby, and my mama and my Aunt Rose were talking about her one day and mama said, "I don't care how anyone feels about pro-choice or pro-life, but if that were my daughter I'd be getting her to an abortion clinic so fast her head would spin. That would have been the case anyway, but when they found out who the father was... oh my Lord. So, I wore big shirts, and I stopped changing clothes in front of anyone. I kept putting tampons and pads on the grocery list and filling the trash can, just in case. When I was about 23 weeks, I wasn't able to hide it anymore. They told me I was going to Jackson to live with Aunt Rose and her husband until it was born, we were putting it up for adoption and that was the end of the discussion. So, I stayed at home until I had as much money as I could pilfer from them and then I just kept going one day when I was supposed to be on my way to school. I went to the bus stop and came to Mobile and went to a women's shelter. They kept me, because I was able to answer honestly that my parents meant to do bodily harm to both me and my baby... as far as I was concerned, taking him away from me was bodily harm to us both."

I close my eyes and I pray about what I'm saying and what I'm doing. I want to steer this girl in the right direction and an abortion is never the right direction in my opinion. But I know how scared she is and how overwhelming the urge is to just 'get out of trouble.'

"Belle, that baby was Carson... and when I think about my life without him... it's unimaginable. We had a terrible time of it when he was a baby. I went from being a princess to a welfare mom. People looked at me like I was trash and they looked at Carson like he was trash just based on the color of his skin. But there's not one scenario that I can think of where I would ever want to go back and do something to not have that boy. He's the love of my life. He made me a mom, and that's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She nods and she's crying openly when she begins speaking, "I want to be a mother. I've always wanted it. I've believed every minute of my life that abortion is wrong. I've never believed that there was any good reason to have an abortion. But I can't have this baby. I just can't do it. I'm not strong enough to face my parents... to face my mother with this."

I wrap my arms around her and hold her while she cries against me. "I don't know what I can do to help but let me put out some calls and I'll do what I can." I say stroking her hair off her face and it occurs to me that she's only eight years older than Caity. It makes me ache to think about my girls having to endure this. I think about that boy, wherever he is, that doesn't know she's aborting his baby and how I would feel if that was Carson. Finally, I say firmly, "I don't think there's ever a good reason to have an abortion either. But I will still go with you and help you."

"Why?" She asks, tremulously.

I sigh. "Because I'm prolife... but I'm also prochoice. Because when it was me and Carson, my parents would have taken away my choice and taken away my son and there is no way that they deserve to have that right. So as much as I disagree with an abortion... if an abortion is going to happen it shouldn't be up to anyone but the mother." I explain hugging this small, frightened girl to me, but then I hold her chin in my hands and say, "But I want you to go home and think about this like you've never thought of anything in your life. Whatever you decide to do, you're still going to be a mother; just a mother without a baby. It's going to be the worst thing you ever go through, and then it's going to get worse and worse. I will help you, but I beg you not to do it."

Belle

It's been three long days since I met with Claire Jennings. I can't help but worry that she's going to call me and tell me that she couldn't find anyone to help me. Or worse, that she's just stringing me along till I'm too far along to get one. I don't know where else I'm going to turn if this doesn't work.

I walk to my car and I'm so lost in my own thoughts that I don't even see Max until I'm there.

"What's going on?" He asks and for a minute I'm sure he knows. But then I think maybe he just knows that something's wrong.

"What are you talking about?"

"I went to see Hayden yesterday and he told me I needed to talk to you. I didn't tell him that you dumped me... I mean I'm not sure it can be considered dumping me since you just had sex with me and then never called or came around me again, but..."

"I'm pregnant." I blurt out, and I don't know why I'm telling him.

And then I look into his face, and I really don't know why. Because his face looks scared, like me. And his face looks bewildered about how this could have happened our first time, like me. But unlike me, his face is hopeful. As if somewhere far, deep inside he believes that this can all actually be okay for us.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?" He asks, and I have an overwhelming urge to throw my arms around him and let him just take care of everything. For months, I've been telling myself that what happened with us was a drunken mistake... but the truth is, I'd had a while to sober up. I might have been drunk on my desire to show Hayden that I could have someone too, and my desire to stop being the little sister that he believed me to be, but I was sober enough to know what I was doing... and sober enough to remember that when I just let go and let Max take care of me... he was really wonderful at it. But then I shake myself back to reality and, in reality, I know that Max was in love that night, but I'm the one who got us into this and I can't let him throw his life away to take care of me.

"I'm fine. I'm not having it." I say strongly.

I watch his face fall and I want to run and hide from his unspoken accusation, and I brace myself for whatever he says next, but he just takes my hand and says, "Please wait."

"What?"

His lip trembles and I'm afraid he's going to cry, but he repeats softly. "Please just wait. Let me wrap my mind around this. Let me think about things before you do something forever. Can you please do that for me?"

Carson

I put Caitlyn and Celia in the waiting room and then I go looking for my mom and find her alone at the nurses' station.

"You're not supposed to be here." She scolds me.

"I know, but what have you found out about Belle?" I ask. It's been a week since she told Belle she'd see what she could do.

"You really don't need to involve yourself..."

"I got you into this. I'm involved already."

"Who's the father?" She asks me, not for the first time.

I shake my head and lie, "Just a guy... not anyone I know really well."

If she knew the truth she'd never go along with this. Max is almost like her own child. That's why she can never know.

"I know someone in Pensacola... someone I used to work with is at a clinic there; she's a friend who will let me sign as her guardian. As long as they don't get audited, we're good."

The enormity of the situation I've put my mom in hits me all at once and I say, "This is illegal mom. What you're doing is illegal and what your friend in Pensacola is doing is illegal."

"Gee thanks baby, I didn't know that." She snaps at me.

"I'm just worried about you."

"I know that. That's why the less anyone else knows the better off we are." She explains. "So how is she holding up?"

I shrug because at the moment I don't care about her. I care about Max and my mom. "I haven't really seen her."

She nods. "I'll call her tomorrow and make plans for Friday."

Belle

"Hello Max." I answer despondently, only because it's the fourth time he's called and he's obviously not going away.

"I'm downstairs. Can I please see you?" He asks.

Everything in me wants to hide in my room and never be forced to face him again. Or maybe, everything in me wants to hide with him and never face the world again. Instead, I go downstairs and decide to face the music.

"I worried when you weren't in school today." He begins when I step onto the front porch to meet him, but then he looks at me and the color drains from his face. "You did it, didn't you?"

I nod. "I had someone who was willing to take me to Pensacola today and my mom is out which made it easier for me to skip school and then get back into the house without being noticed." More than anything I want to ignore Max; tell him it's none of his business and he has to go. But this is his business and it happened to him too. He asked me to wait and I didn't, so I at least owe it to him to tell him to his face.

"So, it's... over?" He says, and I can tell he's fighting the urge to cry. He's not alone.

I nod again. "I'm sor..."

He stops me and shakes his head. "Don't apologize, please. I just wanted to be sure you're okay."

"Max..." I start, but he's backing away already, and I know he just wants to get away from me. So much for the chocolate eyes that couldn't seem to help themselves from following me around the room. Now he looks like he can't even look at me.

Back in the house I remember going up the back stairs to my room after I had sex with Max. I felt older... and wiser... and different. But now, as I lay here after an abortion, with Tylenol and a heating pad, staring at the ceiling... I feel old... and stupid... and like I'm changed in some way that can never be undone.

My phone rings again and somewhere inside I want it to be Max telling me that he doesn't hate me; that he can still look at me. But instead I see Carson's name on the caller ID.

"Are you okay?" He asks, and I can hear the worry over the phone.

"I'm okay." I say, beginning to cry again. "Max came by because he was worried when I wasn't in school and I told him it was done." I explain, trying not to remember it.

The other end of the line is quiet for a long time and when he finally answers he sounds heartbroken. "Do you know why I did this? Why I helped you?"

"No." I manage weakly.

"Because all my life, I've been my mother's mistake. I've been the thing that changed her life. And I never wanted to be the decision that some girl would regret for the rest of her life. And I didn't want that for Max either. He's more than my best friend. He's like a brother to me."

I begin to cry harder. I cry for Max because I know that I really broke his heart today. I cry because I'm afraid I might be the decision he regrets for the rest of his life. And I cry for Carson because he's trying so hard to make up for something that was never his fault and that his mother wouldn't even consider changing if she could. And I cry for myself... because I still know that I wasn't ready to become a mother. And yet just like Claire told me, I am a mother. I'm just a mother, who will never have a baby.

Max

March 2008

It's Monday morning when I walk back into school for the first time in two weeks. Between what happened to Hayden and everything with Belle, I haven't been here. Avery went to Mrs. Asher. I don't know what excuse he gave her, but she sent my assignments home and said the absences would be excused.

I open my locker and put in all my books but the one for first period, and then close it... and I'm surprised beyond measure to see Belle standing on the other side.

"Can I help you?" I ask hollowly.

"I... just wanted to see if you're okay." She says, her voice uncommonly small.

I nod although I want to know what her definition of okay is. "I should be asking you?"

She nods. "I'm okay. How's Georgia? I mean, about Hayden."

I shake my head. "She's a wreck, but she's back at school at least."

She shakes her head and her eyes fill with tears. "What a mess... and it's all my fault."

"How do you figure that?" I ask, trying valiantly to steel my heart against her tears, reminding myself of just how deeply she's hurt me. I'm only moderately successful.

"Never mind. I just wanted to make sure you were okay since you've been out for two weeks. I'll see you around." She says, rushing away from me.

I determine to let her go and good riddance, but for the rest of the day I can't stop thinking of her. I can't shake this feeling that there's something she needs to say. When the day finally comes to an end, I find myself waiting outside by her car. "Can we go for a ride?"

She climbs in my truck and we drive for a while without speaking. Finally, I ask timidly, "Did it hurt?"

She shakes her head, but her eyes are filled with tears.

"Could they tell..."

"No." She answers without letting me finish my sentence.

We're quiet for another long while until I park the car on the shoulder of the road, and I turn to face her. "Why did you do it?"

"Because my parents would have killed me... No, actually, my dad would have killed you, and they would have disowned me and made me wish I was dead." She says, beginning to cry.

"That's... that's not what I meant." I say, unsure if I should go on. But after everything, I feel like I deserve an answer. "New Year's Eve? Why did you do it? Were you drunk? Were you bored? What?"

She sits, crying quietly for a long time before she shakes her head. "You already hate me Max, and you have every right to hate me. But if I answer that question you're not only going to hate me even more, but you're going to be completely disgusted by me, and you're going to pity me."

"I have a right to know."

She looks at me and then nods slowly. "I had been in love... or something... with Hayden forever. And when he and Georgia were apart for so long and she was in New Orleans, I convinced myself that I had a shot with him. On New Year's Eve, I saw them together downtown... together-together... like making out in the middle of the street. So, I was disappointed, and drunk, and angry, and I wanted to get back at him which is completely stupid... and you're a really cute, really nice guy who I know had a crush on me."

"Are you still in love with him?" I ask, and my voice breaks which really pisses me off.

"No." She says, crying harder. "When I told him I was pregnant... I'm sorry about that by the way. I know I should have told you before I told him. But I told him because... after everything we'd been through, when I was in trouble, the first person I wanted to tell was my big brother. How's that for both ironic and pathetic?"

I shrug. "The first person I told was my big sister."

"It was my fault that they broke up." She sobbed. "And it was my fault that he was going to New Orleans so that means it was my fault that he was in that bar and my fault he's in prison."

It's odd because the last time we were in the front seat of my truck we had sex, but now I feel incredibly awkward to reach across the seat and put my arm around her; but I do, and she turns into me and sobs against my shoulder. I don't know what to do so, I just sit there until she's finished.

Finally, I say, "Hayden loves you. I mean... as a sister, but he loves you. And he would never want you to put this burden on yourself. And if it's any consolation, Georgia thinks it's her fault because she should have absolutely known Hayden better than to immediately jump to that conclusion. Aimee thinks it's her fault because they were talking about something important and he kept waiting there with her. And Hayden would hate for any of you to think that because he's a stand-up guy. He takes responsibility for things. I used to not like him because I thought he wasn't good to Georgia, but I was wrong."

She nods and says, "My mom expects me to be an Olympian and a size -1 and valedictorian and president of everything. And my dad... well my mom always made it well known that I wasn't enough for my dad, otherwise he wouldn't have fought so hard to get Hayden. I don't know. I think I created the whole fantasy crush because I just wanted to be enough for someone and look where it got me. And I hurt you in the process."

"It was my first time." I blurt out, not knowing why I feel the need to tell her something like that.

She looks up at me with puffy greenish-blue eyes and says, "Me too. And I'm never doing it again."

"Never?" I ask, in spite of myself.

"No offense. I'm sure you were perfectly good at it, though I have no frame of reference."

"Neither do I."

"I just mean, who gets pregnant their first time? The first time, times two, no less!"

I nod. "I see what you mean."

She's quiet for a minute and then she looks up at me. "Were you drunk?"

I shake my head. "Nope. Just stupid and in love."

She slowly pulls away from me and slides back into her seat, and I take the truck out of park and turn back toward school where her car is.

When we're almost there she finally says, "I know it doesn't mean anything, but I'm sorry Max. You were really nice to me that night... you're always nice to me, and I used you and took you for granted; and then I ruined something for you that should have been really special."

I'm quiet for the rest of the drive until we get back to her car, but I finally say, "Don't apologize to me. I'm the one who owes you an apology. You were young and drunk. I should have known better."

She opens the door and gets out, but then she turns back to me and says, "You want to know something I can hardly even admit to myself? I wasn't all that drunk."

Carson Jennings

April 2015

I'm standing at my car window checking my watch, when I hear a familiar voice behind me. "Oh, my heavens, if it's not Grassland's very own superstar Carson Jennings."

I turn around and smile as Belle hurries to embrace me.

"What in the world are you doing at a performing arts extravaganza?" She asks. "Is Caity twirling?"

"No, Celia is singing in the chorus. I'm in town for a while so I'm getting to hear her. What about you?"

"Faculty are required to be here; well elementary faculty is encouraged to be here, but Jacob has to be here. I'm meeting him inside."

"The quarterback coach is required to be at the performing arts extravaganza? I thought I was back in Alabama." I ask, seriously amazed.

"He's also a middle school algebra teacher." She explains.

"Algebra? Really?"

"What? You were a math guy. You got a full ride to Rice." She teases as we walk toward the building.

"I got a football scholarship to Rice. They didn't want me for my math skills." I reason.

"It's Rice, not Alabama. They wouldn't have given you a football scholarship if you hadn't been able to do math... not that any of that ended up mattering since you declined their generous offer."

"And I would say that worked out well for me, wouldn't you?" I ask pointedly... although sometimes I'm less sure of that than I'd have the world believe.

"So, do I get to meet the famous fiancé?" I ask.

"What makes him famous? Because he's the quarterback coach for the Gators?" She teases.

"No, because he got you to say yes... something the great love of your life Max never managed to do." I say, my voice suddenly turning serious as I watch my words hit her.

She smiles with saccharine sweetness and says, "Then I guess that means he wasn't the great love of my life, doesn't it?"

I shrug. "It certainly seemed that way to me... and everyone else."

"Does this mean we're not going to be able to be friends anymore?" She asks, and she can't hide the disappointment.

I put my arm around her shoulder and say. "Hey, you were my friend before you were his girlfriend... even if he was too drunk to remember it. So, my mom says you never come around anymore."

She sighs. "You know. It's like a divorce. Who gets the friends? Max is their family so..."

"You're their family too... especially to my mom." I argue.

She nods. "I should see her. Tell her I will soon, I promise." She says. "Are you staying at home?"

"No, didn't you hear? I bought a house out county road 19. It's a little three bed-room, off the road with plenty of privacy and room for... for anyone who wants to stay." I answer, trying to avoid bringing up Max again.

"A condo in Baltimore and a house in Grassland; I guess the NFL pays pretty good." She teases to lighten the mood. "So, tell me about it? What's it like in the pros?"

"I'm a backup, backup QB. I will never even take a snap. I won't even hold the clipboard. I'm just in it for as long as the ride lasts." I say with a laugh. I was one of those rarest of rare players who actually managed to be good in high school and college, but still fly under the radar until my senior year when I was encouraged to enter the NFL draft; an idea I'd never seriously entertained outside of my fantasies. I was the 4th pick in the 3rd round by the Oakland Raiders. I was traded at the end of my first season to the Baltimore Ravens where I am today.

"Who cares if you never take a snap or, hold a clip board, because you're on the cover of Gridiron Weekly for making their NFL's most eligible bachelor's list?" She teases, and I can feel myself blushing. "That's got to be making something happen. Are you dating anyone?"

I smile, but just keeps walking and refuse to answer her.

She groans and elbows me. "Not another blonde, Carson?"

"I can't help it. What can I say? I have a weakness." I tease, and I laugh in spite of myself, wondering how she'd get along with Vive.

We enter the high school and I'm flooded with memories... I look at Belle and I can tell she feels the same way and whether she'll admit it or not, most of her memories are about Max. I give in and ask, "So, when's the wedding?"

"July 18."

"All seriousness Belle, isn't this kind of fast? You've only known him a few months."

"It's not that fast." She answers chewing her lip. And I can see it on her face the moment she gives in and decides to ask the question she so desperately doesn't want to ask. "So, have you talked to him lately?"

"Who?"

"Carson... come on." She asks nervously.

"Of course." I answer grudgingly. "We talk or text or something at least once a week."

"How is he?" She asks, trying to sound like it doesn't really matter.

I look at her, and I know exactly how much it matters. I can also tell she regrets asking the question, but I it answer anyway.

"He's still devastated Belle. Five and a half years you dated... you stuck it out through him being in the marines; through you being at Wesleyan and him at Ole Miss. You'd been talking about marriage forever and then just when you both graduated and he was ready to buy a ring and set a date, you called it off and got engaged to the next guy who came along. How do you think he is?"

She shakes her head. "I shouldn't have asked."

"You shouldn't have to."

"I know." She agrees. "But you have no idea how much better off we both are without each other."

"That's crazy Belle. I knew you guys when you were good. You had what everyone wanted." I argue vehemently.

"Oh please. You didn't even want us together. You did everything in your power to break us up... you, Georgia, none of you thought I deserved Max... and you were right, so there." She says angrily.

"Belle that was a long time ago. Once we saw how much you loved him, we all changed our minds."

She shakes her head and when she speaks the sadness in her voice is almost overwhelming.

"What we had was an illusion. An illusion that was destined to come to an end and when it did, it would have destroyed him."

August 2008

"In six days, our senior year is going to begin, my friend." I say as Max and I stand on the edge of the party at Maci's house. All the best parties are at the Ellis house because it's huge, and it has a pool, and it's on the water... and the Ellis's let everyone drink as long as they leave their keys. Max hasn't been drunk since the night he passed out, and I took Belle home... which he has no memory of. Tonight, I'm nursing a beer and he's driving, but I'm not much of a drinker either.

"I'm aware of that." He says, and I think he seems a little bit sad. I know he's taken the thing with Belle and the baby really hard, and it kind of hurts my feelings because he's never told me. But I've tried to be supportive all the same, even without him knowing.

"That means, we need to date some seriously hot girls." I say with conviction. "You know who I'm looking at? Torie Reyes. She is smokin'."

"She's Latino." He says, looking at me with a curious expression.

"Yeah?"

"So, you only ever date white girls... like white/white girls." He argues.

"So. That's the beauty of being me. I can date anyone." I say with lots of swagger. I've got college recruiters calling my mom regularly, and I'm a senior who can date pretty much anyone I want. For the first time in my life, I'm feeling my oats.

"Well the beauty of it being 2008 is that anyone can date anyone, but you only date white girls." He says, elbowing me. "Everybody knows you're the whitest guy in Alabama."

"It's the beginning of August and you're at a party wearing jeans, boots and a belt buckle as big as a dinner plate, and you're calling me white?" I ask, seriously.

"That's just how I dress. You only listen to country music. You have no black friends." He points out.

"And you do?" I reply, not mentioning the fact that I'm his best friend.

"Yes. I'm friends with Darius Jessup and Cam Banks. We work together, and Cam runs with me. And I escorted Viveca Marks last year in homecoming. I mean we're just friends but... it counts."

"I'll make sure you get credit for it." I snipe at him, but I know he's right and that just seems crazy to me.

I scan the room and find Torie. She really is a knock out. "I'm going for it."

"Dude, she has purple hair."

"Who has purple hair?" Fisher asks joining us. I think he's drinking from a funnel, but he can hold his liquor.

"QB here is making a move on Torie Reyes."

"No way. She's not your type." He says, punching me in the arm. Fisher is one of those guys who's always ready for a fight or party... often both at the same time.

"Why not?"

"She's not white..." He begins.

"What the hell?" I say irritably.

"Hey, I've lived all over the world. I don't understand southern racism. I just call it like I see it. She's also a bass player in a metal band and you only listen to country and I hear she has a tattoo."

"Where?" I ask, trying not to drool.

"From a girl in her gym class."

I shake my head and wonder if the rumors about him are true. "I mean where on her body?"

"Oh. Her hip." He says, looking off in the distance like he's eyeing Rachel Bates. Maybe, the rumors aren't true.

"Okay..." I say, taking a big swig and handing Fisher my bottle. "I'm going in."

Max

"She's not his type." I argue.

"Well looks like he's her type. They're going to the beach." He says, watching her take his hand and lead him off to do God knows what. He finishes off his bottle and then Carson's. "Having a type is too restrictive when there's so many options available. That's why I make it a point not to have a type."

"And yet here you are with me?" I say dejectedly, elbowing him.

"I'm with you because QB is off hitting on the hot Latino girl and that makes it my job to keep you off a ledge, dude."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, turning angrily.

"It means that whatever happened or didn't happen between you and whoever you were or weren't with has sent you into a near catatonic state. I've not known you nearly as long as Carson has, but I know you've changed dramatically in the short amount of time that I've been here. If you weren't 'Reverend Clean Marine' I'd think it was drugs, but since it probably isn't, then that indicates that it's obviously a woman. Now I know you guys are the whole brothers-by-another-mother kind of thing, but I just got here so if you want to throw away your life over some girl that's your business. But since I've been dumped and left for dead in this back-water town in Alabama I'd at least like to get to play on a state championship football team so here's what you're going to do. You're going to get drunk, or get laid, or get married or whatever the hell it takes to get you out of this funk and get your ass back in game shape, so we can go get a ring."

I stare at him for a minute. "You sure pack a mean punch when you decide to open your mouth."

He puts his arm around me, which is no small feat since he's six... or probably more like seven... inches shorter than me. "Come on. Let's make it happen. What about you? Who's your type?"

My eyes instinctively seek out Belle. She's standing with a group of her friends passed the bonfire and she's wearing a mint green sundress and white tennis shoes. I don't want her to be my type. I want to be able to see any other girl at this party, but I can't.

I smack Fisher on the shoulder. "Screw it. I'm turning in my keys."

An hour later I'm regretting my decision. I still can't stop looking at Belle, but now I want to puke too. I've tried to shake it. I've gone out with a bunch of girls this summer. But I can't get passed it. It's not because she's beautiful even though she is or even because we lost our virginity together. It's about the way we were able to talk to one another in the truck while I was driving her around to sober her up. It's about when she twined her fingers through mine and her tiny hand fit so perfectly in mine. It's about that moment... before we had sex... when she looked at me and I knew there was something there. After everything that's happened... I still think there's something there.

Belle

I'm laughing and smiling and talking to my girlfriends, and I'm grinning and tossing my hair when it looks like smoldering out-of-towner Fisher Barnes might be checking me out. I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing. I'm a popular, pretty, sixteen-year-old girl with good grades and parents who have the money to spoil me with lavish possessions. I should be the happiest girl in the world. But there's a pair of sad chocolate-brown-eyes following me around the party that remind me that I'm not the happiest girl in the world... and those brown eyes belong to someone who deserves to be living large in his senior year, and not drinking away his sorrows alone.

I know that I'm to blame for the way that Max feels. What's more, I know that if I'd just cared a little more about him a year ago, instead of throwing all my energy into trying to be noticed by the one person who was noticed by my dad, we might have avoided all this.

I should leave him alone... let him heal. But suddenly I know I can't stay away from him anymore than we can pretend that what we've been through left us unchanged. Because inside, I'm not a popular, pretty girl with good grades.

I'm broken, and Max is broken. There's no use pretending otherwise.

He walks toward the bay and like a magnet to steel, I can't help but follow him. I find him at the edge of the water throwing up. I know I should leave him his privacy, but in the grand scheme of things, Max and I have seen the worst of each other. So instead I walk toward him and hand him my bottled water.

"You know you're a lousy drinker."

He wipes his face with the edge of his shirt and takes the water bottle. "It's all Georgia's fault."

"Okay, how is that possible?" I ask, stepping back and sitting on the edge of the retaining wall.

He joins me and sips the water, before explaining. "My dad drank... a lot. Sometimes he'd come home and beat up on us... me especially cause, you know, she was a girl and older and just more-quiet by nature. I was always running in the house or eating too loud or watching stupid TV. I was never good at staying out of his way. Anyway, I think she prayed every day of my life I wouldn't turn out like him."

"She's a good sister." I say with a smile, although hearing about his childhood shocks me. I've heard things from Hayden about his own life and about Georgia's, but Max is so sweet and open and straightforward. It's hard to imagine why anyone would hurt him intentionally, especially his father.

"Don't you hate her?" He asks looking away.

"Why would I hate Georgia? She's never been anything but nice to me."

"Because she got Hayden... or at least she will probably." He says, looking me in the eyes and I know he's trying to hurt me... he has the right to want to hurt me.

"No. I am long over that." I say shaking my head. "When I think about it now I just feel stupid. I think... there were a lot of reasons, but one of the big ones is because I've always felt like I wasn't enough for my dad... otherwise why would he have fought so hard to get Hayden? So somewhere along the way, my desire for my dad's attention transferred to Hayden. And of course, the fact that he was nice to me and really good looking never hurt, but... I've realized a lot since he went to prison. I think my dad just recognized in Hayden someone who needed help and he tried to be that someone. It was never about me."

He nods and smiles, and I see the shields he's trying to wear slip a little. "I know your dad loves you and is proud of you. I mean, he's at every game and always taking pictures and stuff."

I nod, and I feel guilty for not appreciating my parents more. In the face of someone like Max who's got virtually no one, it changes things. "Speaking of Hayden, do you ever hear from him?"

"About once or twice a month. He writes and asks me about football and you and every -thing about Georgia, which is weird because I know she writes him practically every day. How about you?" He asks.

"About the same. He seems okay... you know considering." I say and then I shrug because there's nothing else we can do for Hayden right now but write to him and worry about him. Instead I say, "So, Georgia prayed you wouldn't become a drunk?"

"Yep. And it definitely worked. I've drank twice in my life and got sick as a dog both times." He says ruefully.

I laugh and say, "Yeah but you were pretty cute last time."

"When?" He asks curiously.

"When we took you home, passed out in the back seat." I remind him, but I can see from his face that he has no idea.

"What are you talking about?"

"At that homecoming party... here. I came with some friends of Sarah Griggs, but she was being totally obnoxious, so I needed a ride home. You don't remember this at all?" I ask, and he shakes his head, so I continue. "Carson and I poured you into the backseat of his car and then y'all took me home. You were asleep in the backseat with a purple stuffed cat that, I assume, belonged to one of his sisters. When I got out of the car you told me I was beautiful. Even my name meant beautiful."

He rolls his eyes and blushes a little. "Oh God. I'm sure I was super smooth."

I laugh and look away. "I don't know about that, but you were adorable." I admit and then ask, "So was it my fault you got drunk that night?"

"There was this Gator Babe I was supposed to hook up with, but I couldn't stop watching you. Which pissed me off, plus I knew Carson was going to ride me about it because he was always telling me to give it up because I didn't have a chance with you."

I'm amazed that someone as cute and sweet and, just generally good as Max would think there was anyone he didn't stand a chance with. "What about tonight? Is that my fault?"

He shakes his head. "I think tonight I'm just tired of pretending I'm okay, I guess."

I nod, and I think of how much energy I've expended these past few months trying to be normal again. "I know. Do you think you'll ever not feel weird?"

He looks at me and I feel like he can see through me which should be unnerving, but with all the time I've spent hiding from people lately, it's kind of nice for someone to be able to see the pain inside me and not feel like I have to pretend it isn't there.

He finally shrugs and says, "I think right now I'd settle for just not feeling like a victim all the time."

I attempt a laugh, but it sounds hoarse and choked, before I reply. "Well I'd really like to stop feeling like a villain so... I think I get where you're coming from."

He looks at me again, or through me, and I almost reach for his hand... remembering the way my hand felt in his that night. But I've hurt him so much. I can't do anything now that might cause him more pain so instead I say. "What do you think would happen if we just decided to stop it all, and just be... I don't know... friends?"

He smiles and nods slowly. "I can be friends."

I nod too and then I stand to my feet. "Well my first official act as your friend is to be your designated driver. Come on. I've got my mom's car. I'll take you home."

"What about Carson? I was supposed to be his designated driver?" He asks, looking around.

I laugh and nod toward the boathouse.

"Yeah I think Carson has got his hands full with Torie Reyes tonight. He'll get home on his own." I say as we start walking toward the car.

"Hey Belle." Max says, as we walk. "Just in case I pass out, what kind of stuffed animals do you keep in the backseat?"

Max

It's the first day back in the weight room with the full team after football camp. Fisher is pumped. He didn't start school till last semester, but he's bragged to anyone who would listen that he can out bench everyone on the team. Most people are eager to knock him down a peg, but I've spent enough time around him to feel pretty confident that he wouldn't be bragging about it if he couldn't deliver.

Carson and I take our normal positions spotting each other, which should feel natural after all these years, but I haven't seen him since the party at Maci's. I'm not sure, but I feel like I'm pissed at him and I'm not exactly sure why. Part of it is because he never told me about taking Belle home from that party and part of it is because when Fisher unloaded on me I couldn't help feeling like at least part of that was coming from conversations he'd had with Carson about me. But more than anything... lately I feel like there's something he's hiding from me; like maybe I can't trust him.

"So, I heard you left Maci's party with Belle? Is that finally happening?" He asks with just a hint of disapproval.

Again, I can't help feeling that he knows more about this than he's letting on. And like he's mad at me for something too.

"We're just being friends." I say with a shrug, and then add, "You know she mentioned something about us taking her home the night I got drunk after homecoming. Why'd you never mention that?"

"I figured you'd be embarrassed. I mean it wasn't your finest moment... drooling all over Missus City Kitty." He answers with a smirk, but I can't shake the feeling that something else is there. "Have you seen her anymore since then?"

I nod. "Yeah, we went to the movies night before last... Dutch. And we've talked on the phone a few times."

"That's cool."

"So, you and Torie?" I probe. "Go ahead and spill it. I can tell you're dying to talk."

His face lights up and his whole demeanor changes. "She's amazing! She's smart... not like anybody I've ever met. She takes Coleridge and Keats poetry and turns it into lyrics and puts it to metal music. She's like a deep thinker."

I laugh in spite of myself. I've never seen him like this about a girl. "A deep thinker with a butterfly tattoo on her hip?"

"Go to hell." He bites, but then can't hide a smile. "And it's not a butterfly. It's a treble clef... that's a musical thing."

"I know what a treble clef is. So d'ya know this from personal experience or..."

"Why should I tell you?" He asks, and that feeling that there's something else going on hits me again.

"Because we're best friends." I answer, and I wonder if I'm projecting my guilt on him because it bothers me that I've never told him about Belle and me.

He shrugs and says, "Yeah we are. So, you know I'd tell you if there was anything to tell."

Carson

"Can I talk to you a minute?" I ask, finding Avery at his computer in his office at the hospital.

"Sure, have a seat." He says, turning to face me as I take the seat across from him. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just..." I think about it for a minute and then say, "Did you ever date anyone before my mom?"

"I did." He answers with an amused expression and I realize I need to clarify.

"I mean anyone serious?"

He thinks on it for a minute and says, "I guess it was more like I was serious... or sometimes they were. I don't think I was ever serious with anyone who was serious with me until your mom... and I was serious about her way before she was serious about me. She had three kids, so she was just serious... period. What's this about? Are you serious about someone or is someone serious about you?"

"I think you just said serious like ten times in a row." I say shaking my head but continuing. "I'm serious about my future... school and becoming an engineer and... well I've been sort of dating someone."

"Aha... I just won a bet." He says with a self-satisfied grin.

"With who?" I ask irritably.

"Your mom."

"Mom and you make bets about my love life?"

"It's nothing that dramatic. She said something was different about you and I said it's a girl, and she said you'd tell her if it was, and I said I bet you it's girl."

I nod and laugh ruefully. A few months ago, I'd have been furious, but it's nice for my mom to have someone to make jokes with for a change. Avery's a good guy and he's been really good to us. They've been married since the middle of April and we just moved into a new house. "So, you and mom make bets about me? Pathetic. What did you win?"

He smiles and says, "Never mind that... back to your problem."

I don't push him for more details because I have a feeling this falls under the category of things I'd rather not know about my mom and her newlywed relationship. "Well Torie isn't trying to marry me or anything like that and I'm not trying to marry her either, but I don't know. She just has me thinking about my life and the choices that I've made and the ones I'm making, and you know, are these my choices or the choices society is telling me to make?"

"This isn't the girl Max was talking about that hates football and puts poetry lyrics to metal... cause you like country music."

"Torie's music is cool." I argue. "And she doesn't hate football. She's extremely supportive of football actually. She thinks that in my efforts to assimilate to my family ideals, I've actually stifled my abilities and I'm not living up to my potential because of it."

"Okay, but you're starting quarterback for one of the best programs in Alabama."

"She thinks I could be even better if I'd get in touch with my inner-athlete." I explain.

He studies me for a minute and then says, "Is this a racial thing?"

I shrug because he's white... inside and out... and he won't understand. "She's just opened my mind and my eyes to a lot of new possibilities. I've had my life pretty mapped out for a while, but... I'm kind of just rolling with things now."

"Okay." He says, and then leans forward and adds, "But can I add one thing? Whether you want to admit it yet or not, it does in fact sound like you're somewhat serious about this girl. So, I'm saying what your mother would expect me to say to you in the face of this revelation. I know you had a friend who had an abortion in the spring. I just want you to think about that when you're with this girl. Because I know you're a good guy and you wouldn't want anyone you care about to have to go through that and I know you don't want yourself to have to go through that so... if you get to that point please be careful."

I think on what Avery just said for a long while and I end up at the gym where the cheerleaders are just getting out of practice. I halfway expect to see Dana Carpenter there to drive Belle home, but it looks like they've at least loosened the reins a little, all though Belle's the only rich kid I know without her own car.

"Hey, can we talk a minute?" I ask waving her to my car.

She nods and sits down and we're both silent for a minute till she finally says, "I don't like this Carson."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugs. "I feel like we're talking about Max behind his back and I don't want to do that. We're trying to be friends... a fresh, honest start and if I'm talking about him with his best friend, behind his back; that doesn't feel honest."

"How did you know I was planning to talk about Max?" I ask angrily.

"I don't know. It still just feels... wrong." She says softly. "I mean, remember that night at the party when I talked to you and you said you didn't want your best friend to beat you up. Well, that was before everything that happened. I think if he'd have considered that a betrayal, how much worse would he think of this?"

"You mean it's like we're cheating on him?" I press, and she nods so I say, "So when you say you're just friends that's not an accurate statement."

"No... I mean, yes we're just friends, but he and I have a lot of history." She answers, and she's clearly shaken.

"You and I have a lot of history too." I say bitterly... thinking that it's not the kind of history that I ever wanted to be brought up again.

She nods. "We do. That's what I'm talking about. I didn't know till the other night that Max didn't know about the night we went home from the party. And I hadn't really thought about it till then, but if you didn't tell him that then I'm guessing he doesn't know that you helped me get the abortion and knew about the baby before he did."

"Would you want him to know that?" I ask.

"I want Max to know the truth." She says simply, and I feel a mixture of guilt and panic because my gut tells me she's telling the truth.

"I lied to my best friend. My mom broke the law. I lied to my mom. I did all of that to protect Max. He was never supposed to know about the baby. You said you weren't going to tell him!" I shout.

She starts crying, "I know, but... I had to. I just couldn't look at him and lie..."

"If you really cared about him you would have." I say coldly. "You almost destroyed him once already. And now what, you're just going to do it again?"

"No... I never want to do anything to hurt Max again. That's what I'm talking about. I don't want to keep any of this from him."

I shake my head. "I'm his best friend; all his life. Do you know how much it would hurt him if he knew that I'd kept this secret from him? He'd be as hurt as he was when it happened."

She nods. "You're right. No good comes from him knowing."

"You want to absolve your guilt at his expense." I add defensively.

She sits beside my crying for a long time, but finally raises her head and nods. "You're probably right. You think that... he and I being friends isn't a good idea, don't you?"

"I think it's selfish on your part." I say with conviction. "He's still in love with you. And you're all weak and weepy about the abortion and it's going to be too easy for you to lean on him because you share that experience. And he's going to take that for love, when all you're doing is sharing common grief. You should leave him alone and let him move on without you."

Her face looks stricken and a small part of me feels extreme guilt, but I tamp it down. She raises her eyes to meet mine and they're rife with accusation. "I thought we were friends."

"I never said we were friends. I always told you I was doing this for Max."

Max

I can remember when I was in seventh grade and Hayden was first playing on varsity, so Georgia took me and Carson to the bonfire with her. We stood beside her in our Jr. High Gator jerseys and I thought that to be Hayden and Caleb and all the rest would be the coolest thing ever. Now here we are together. It's our senior year. He's a quarterback being recruited by major universities. I'm a record setting wide receiver. We're among the most popular and successful guys on the team and we're standing shoulder to shoulder. It's the culmination of everything we've worked for and we are poised to realize all our efforts this year with a trip to State.

But Carson and I are barely speaking, and Torie is changing him right in front of me. Suddenly he talks about his "exposure" and "recruitment strategy" and raising his "profile." Carson was always the anti-quarterback; really good at his position, but more concerned with his grades and his education than the hype. But of course, that was before the hype got to this level. Now he's always surrounded by recruiters and reporters... and Torie.

And things with Belle continue to be frustrating. A few weeks ago, we were talking on the phone and texting all the time and we went to the movies and everything was really fun and relaxed. I finally felt like I was getting back to being myself. And better yet, I felt like I was getting to a point where she was going to be a part of my life. But since school started she's been distant again. If I felt like she was just blowing me off that would be one thing. But she seemed happy when she was with me. And now when I see her she looks lost.

The bonfire ends, and Fisher grabs me and pulls me along with the crowd.

"Come on Mad-Max. We're all going to Smiths. His brother got a couple of kegs."

"No way. You know the last time I drank it didn't go well. I swore it off for good." I say, making my excuses.

"Well first of all, you left that party with Belle Carpenter so... you know if you didn't manage to make anything happen there, dude, it's on you." He says, and I contemplate hitting him, but he's got a serious Napoleon complex. It would kind of make me look like a pansy if I got beat up by him, so I just wait for the rest of this conversation to run its course, so I can blow him off and go home.

"And second of all?" I say expectantly.

"And second of all, you're my double D."

"I'm not your designated driver because I'm not going." I refuse.

"QB, help me out. Your boy is blowing me off." Fisher yells.

Carson comes toward me with Torie draped around him. The thing is, I like Torie. I've had classes with her, and she's really smart and has kind of a dark sense of humor. She goes out of her way to act like she doesn't care what people think about her, but I think she probably really cares more than she wants to admit. She reminds me of Georgia. She just seems to bring out the worst in Carson.

"You've got to lighten up man. This is our last bonfire. Come on and let's go." He says, and I feel like he actually wants me to come, and I think about doing it. But I'm not in a partying mood.

"You guys go and have a great time. I've got calculus homework, and I need to get in a workout tonight. I missed this morning because I had to meet Mrs. Asher and talk about some changes that are coming to the GI bill." I explain truthfully.

"Any chance she talked you out of joining the marines?" Fisher asks.

"Shut up." Torie says, smacking his arm. "I think it's great that you're doing this. Too many people go to college without a clue what they're going to do with themselves. They just go to be going. You can serve your country, get valuable life experiences and not graduate under a mountain of debt."

"See, I told you she was smart." Carson says, and he leans in and kisses her.

Fisher rolls his eyes at me and says, "Are you going to subject me to this all by myself?"

"I am. You guys go, make lots of lasting memories that you won't remember since you'll be drunk. I'll see you in the end zone tomorrow night." I say walking away to the sound of them groaning and calling after me. I get in my truck and head for the gym and then start for home but decide instead that after my work out and avoiding a keg I deserve junk food. I'm going through the aisle at the Piggly Wiggly when I turn down the freezer section, and I run into Belle getting chocolate ice cream from the freezer.

"Okay I'm pretty sure your mom would rather you were buying heroine than full-fat chocolate ice cream." I say, pushing my buggy of Dr. Pepper and off-brand Dorito's, along with assorted cookies, toward her.

She smiles and holds up the container. "It's Rocky Road which has almonds – good fat, and it's a single serving. Besides, I keep a spoon in my purse. She'll never know a thing."

"Oh, my God, you're serious, aren't you?"

"I'm dead serious." She says with a laugh. "I just pray she hasn't put a nanny-cam in her glove compartment."

"It's risky. You should probably eat it in my truck... you know, just to be safe." I tease, but she looks immediately uncomfortable so I back track. "I'm just kidding. I mean..."

"No, it's not..." She sighs. "Max don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not so sure that you and I being friends was such a good idea after all."

"Got it." I say backing away, but she comes after me, putting her hand on the end of my buggy to stop me from leaving.

"Listen. It's not what you think. It's just..."

I hold up my hand to silence her. "You know I'm tired of chasing you. I'm tired of trying to win you over. If after everything we've been through, I'm not a person you want in your life then you know, I've just got to get it through my head."

"Max." She says, and then bites her lip and I sense there's more she wants to say, but she doesn't say it.

"You know I'm glad this happened. I spent all last year... hell I've spent all high school trying to make something happen with you and after the last few weeks of us being 'friends'," I say with the air quotes around it, and my voice rising even though we're in the middle of a public place. "I was all ready to sign up for another term, and I'd have ended up spending my entire senior year chasing around after you like some sad pathetic puppy. So, thank you for putting an end to it before I wasted any more time on this."

Jesse

I walk down the hall after Dana is in bed and stop, as I often do, at Hayden's old bedroom and say a prayer for him. Our life with Hayden was never easy, but I've always believed that someday I'd see the boy we took from a group home turn into a man I would be proud to call a member of my family. Despite everything he's done and the mistakes he's made, I still believe that someday I will see that hope realized.

After I pass his room I stop at Belle's closed door and if I'm not mistaken, I hear crying. I pause for just a moment and then knock gently, cracking the door and popping my head in. "Is everything okay in here?"

"Hmmhmm." She answers. She's lying on her side facing the wall but there's no doubt she's crying.

"It doesn't sound okay. Call me crazy but I think I hear crying. What's wrong?" I ask, crossing the floor and sitting on the edge of her bed and placing my hand on her shoulder.

"It's nothing." She says, snubbing into her pillow. "It's just stupid teenager stuff."

"If you're crying, then it's not stupid... especially not to me." I say reassuringly.

She turns over and sits up. "It's... just a guy."

"What happened?" I ask, wrinkling my forehead. I know she's a high school junior, but I'll never get used to the idea of my baby girl and boys.

"I just liked this guy and I thought something was going to happen with us, but now it's not... and I'm just disappointed."

"Do you like him?" I ask.

She nods and starts crying in earnest. I'm not good at emotional stuff and this is uncharted territory for me, so I ask, "Do you want me to get your mom?"

She shakes her head; so, with no idea what else to do, I reach out and hug her and she cries against my shoulder for a few minutes. Belle has never been an overly emotional child, so I guess I've never learned these tricks. It occurs to me that it's hard for me to picture my wife doing this either. I wonder how many crises my daughter has suffered through with no one there for her.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" I ask when it sounds like she's crying less.

"Like I said. It's just stupid teenager stuff."

"Annabelle, stupid teenager stuff is only stupid when you're not a teenager. When you're the one it's happening to, it's a big deal. And when it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal to me. Now, tell me what's wrong. If you like this boy, what is the problem because if he's got a half a brain, he'll like you too?"

She laughs weakly and says, "He does like me... he has for a while. And I... I know you don't want to hear this daddy, but I had this stupid crush on Hayden and I just couldn't even see anything else and I ended up... hurting this really nice guy. So, now we've been talking, and I like him a lot, but... his friend told me that I broke his heart before and that he never really got over me and I don't want to do anything else to hurt him. And even though I like him... maybe I don't like him as much as he likes me." She says and then throws herself at me again and I hug her as she cries more and finally manages to say, "But I really... really do like him."

"Then what are you doing here crying on me? Go get him. You're sixteen. This is what you do when your sixteen. You fall in love with people and sometimes you fall out of love with them and they'll fall out of love with you. You'll think you're going to die, and then someone else will come along and you'll be so glad you didn't stay with the other person. But if you're this scared you'll never get to do any of it."

"You really think so?" She says doubtfully.

"I am 100% certain." I say confidently.

"Did you ever love anyone before mom?"

"Well... no, but..." I begin.

"Hayden and Georgia have only ever loved each other."

"If memory serves Hayden and Georgia broke up at a rate of about once a week in high school and they both had plenty of other... interests... in the meantime. That's the other thing about being a teenager. You love someone and then you love someone else and then you love the one you loved before again. The point is, you're missing everything if you're sitting in your bedroom crying with me."

She giggles a little and says, "I can't believe my daddy is encouraging me to love lots of different people."

"That's not funny, young lady." I say sternly. "So, who is this boy? Do I get to know?"

She looks suddenly ready to clam up, but I'm enjoying our conversation too much, so I press on. "It's not Carson Jennings, the quarterback, is it?"

"No, but why would you think that?" She asks curiously.

"I don't know. I just thought he seemed to be watching you tonight at the bonfire."

"It's not him, but would it bother you if it was?" She asks timidly.

I think a moment and say, "No. He seems like a good boy... and he's got good parents."

She raises an eyebrow and I know she knows that I haven't had the best past with Avery Thomas, but we've worked hard to improve that recently.

She hugs me again, and I'm not sure why. Then she says, "Would it bother you if it was Max Cooper?"

"Is it Max Cooper?" I ask, full of dread.

"Yes sir."

I look at her and it makes sense. "Carson Jennings is the best friend who told you to stay away from him."

She nods guiltily and says, "Daddy, he's such a good guy. You have no idea. He's.... maybe the best guy I've ever known."

I sigh because my baby girl has it bad and I shake my head. "I think Hayden and I have had this exact same conversation a few dozen times about Georgia."

"I know, but he really is. He's joining the Marines. He's going to do a year of active duty to pay for school and then he'll be in the reserves. He's... so sweet and he just wants so much to be a good person, to be better than how he was raised. In that way, he reminds me of Hayden, but he's nothing like Hayden. He's not tough or cynical or guarded the way Hayden can be."

I look at her for a long time and I try to remember a time when her mother and I were this innocent and vulnerable. I'm not sure we were ever this innocent and if we were ever this vulnerable, I can't remember it now.

I choose my words carefully because I recognize how impressionable my daughter is, but I feel there are things that I need to say to her so I step bravely into this world and say, "I'm sure that Max Cooper likes you a great deal, because you're the sweetest, most beautiful girl in the world, however I'm looking at your face right now and hearing your words, and I think he'd have to like you a whole lot to care more about you than you obviously do about him."

"So, you're okay with Max and me?"

"I'm okay with him as long as he's good to you." I say hugging her again.

I stand to go, but she stops me when she asks, "Why... are you okay with Max and you weren't okay with Georgia?"

I turn and sit back down before saying, "Well first of all, I'd like to think that I learned from some of my mistakes with Hayden. And besides, it was never really that I had a problem with Georgia. But Georgia and Hayden were very intense. And... Hayden's not you." I say and then I realize I need to explain. "You were raised by your mother and me every day of your life. You were taken to church. You understand about boundaries. Hayden required a tighter leash, so to speak, because he hadn't been taught any of the things that I feel we've instilled in you since birth."

"I miss Hayden. Do you think he's okay? Will he be okay?"

I nod. "I think he will be. He's very strong. He's been through more than most people will ever survive." I say squeezing her hand. "And when he gets out he's got a family who loves him and will welcome him home and help him get through this."

She nods and says, "Why doesn't mom like him?"

I freeze because no one ever says that out loud. I've never been brave enough to say it, or even think it. Finally, I give her the only answer I've got; the answer I've always told myself. "I always felt that our family had more to give and that if we could give that to foster kids we should. But looking back, it was hard on your mother; hard for her to get attached and then have them taken away. I think she ended up just refusing to get attached to any of them."

She shakes her head and says, "Daddy, come on. She was never attached to any of them. Sometimes, I'm not even sure she's attached to me."

"Belle, your mother loves you more than anything. She practically stood on her head to have you."

"I know." She says, but I can tell she's doubtful and... at the moment, I have a hard time mounting any more of an argument than that.

"So, are you okay about this boy stuff because I know I'm not the best when it comes to this subject." I say kissing her forehead and then standing to go.

She reaches for my hand and says, "I think you did a great job tonight. I love you, daddy."

Belle

The game is closer than it should be, in no small part because there seems to be timing problems between Max and Carson. Neither of them has played poorly, but it seems that they're missing connections and not communicating well. Fisher has come in at fullback and seems to be making a difference, but we're only up by two with the final minute on the clock and the other team in the red zone. A field goal puts them up by one with less than a minute on the clock and no time outs.

I'm trying to be a good cheerleader, but I was raised in a house where the only common ground for my father and Hayden was football. I find myself watching the game more than cheering... especially when I know that the only hope is a long pass to Max.

I bite my lip and watch, making no effort to cheer, as Carson goes up and fires a perfect spiral. It's a little high but Max jumps a half a foot over the two defenders who are all over him and comes down in the end zone for a touchdown but goes down hard when one of the linemen comes at him with a late hit. The crowd goes wild with applause, but my eyes are glued to Max who still hasn't gotten up. After a few minutes the team takes a knee and the trainers run out to him, and I see Georgia and Avery coming out of the stands. Everything is still and quiet and I feel like I can hear my own heart beating. And then finally he's up, being helped off the field by one of the trainers, but he's fist pumping to the crowd and everyone erupts in wild applause again.

As everyone begins to take the field and eventually make their way down to the field house, I find myself alone walking beside Georgia. I turn to her and ask, "Is he really okay?"

She nods. "I think it just knocked the wind out of him and he twisted his ankle a little, but boy was I scared for a minute. I did this for years with Hayden and now for years with him and it never gets any easier to watch them not get up as fast as you think they should."

I agree with her, but then I grab her arm and say, "Georgia, I'm so sorry about... everything. Starting with that night when you saw me and Hayden together till... just everything."

She shakes her head. "Listen to me Belle. I'm the one who should apologize. I took a terrible situation in your life and made it about me... when I should have been the one with Hayden that was there for you... you and Max both. Do I wish that you'd handled things with Max differently, sure? But it was a terrible choice and you did the best you could with a very bad situation."

She hugs me tightly and it's all I can do not to fall against her and weep. Instead I say, "Thank you so much Georgia. I needed to hear that. I want so badly for things with Max and me to be different this time, to treat him the way he deserves to be treated and the last thing in the world I want is to hurt him again. Knowing that you've forgiven me makes it so much easier for me to go on with him."

She pulls away from me and the look she gives me makes me whither in my shoes. "You and Max are... together?"

I shrink under her gaze and say, "No... but we've been talking and... do you have a problem with me and Max being together?"

She looks at me for a long time, and finally says, "It's not that I have a problem with it. You are Hayden's family so that means that you are family to me too and I want nothing but the best for you. But you and Max have been through a very intense, emotional situation and it makes things feel... bigger than they are. And I know you'd never hurt Max intentionally, but I want you to listen to what I'm about to say and to think about it before you go any further with this. When everything happened, and he showed up in New Orleans and he was so devastated, the thing he was the most upset about was that you didn't let him be there with you to take care of you."

She leaves me alone with her words and I want nothing more than to get away from everyone and cry my eyes out again. There are a million parties tonight and I know that I should go to one of them. I should go so that Max can see me moving on, and I should go and get him out of my system... But the truth is that everything that I've heard from Carson and Georgia and everything I know from myself doesn't change the fact that I don't want Max out of my system. And I don't want to be his friend either.

I make up my mind to go wait for Max at his truck, so I round the field house and run right into him and Cami Evans making out against the side of the building. I gasp before I can stop myself and they turn to look at me. He calls my name, but by that time I'm on the run... All I want is to get away as fast as I can.

Claire

I'm a young mother... at least to Carson I am. And I've recently been a woman who was newly in love and dating and a newlywed and now I'm pregnant. I guess the point is that it shouldn't make my heart stop when I walk to my son's car and find him making out with a sexy girl with purple hair, but it does, and I don't mind admitting it.

I clear my throat and say, "Torie, I'm sorry, but I need to talk to my son for a moment... alone."

"Mom..." He argues, but Torie shakes her head.

"It's fine. I've got my car." She starts to leave, and she offers me a smile. She makes me nervous, but the truth is she seems like a sweet and polite girl who wants me to like her.

She turns back to Carson and says, "If you want you can meet me at Fisher's later?"

I watch her walk away and I slide into the passenger seat next to him. "You lied to me Carson. You lied to me time and time again."

"What..."

"Don't play dumb with me." I say angrily. "How many times did I ask you who the father of Belle's baby was, and you kept saying it was just some guy... someone you didn't really know."

He looks down guiltily and I say, "Did you always know it was Max's baby?"

For a long time, he won't answer me but finally he says yes without meeting my eyes, then adds, "How did you know?"

I shrug. "A lot of things, but mostly the way that he looks at her... he looks at her the way Avery has looked at me ever since I told him I was pregnant. He looks at her like she's the mother of his child. And tonight, when he got hurt, she looked at him like... he was hers. I should have seen it all along."

I shake my head. "How could you Carson? You know I wouldn't have done that if I'd known... at least not without talking to him. He does know, doesn't he?"

He nods guiltily so I say, "I knows he knows now, but did he know before?"

"Yes ma'am... but he wasn't supposed to." He says, turning angry.

"What do you mean he wasn't supposed to?"

"I mean, I kept it from Max and I lied to you because Belle said she wasn't going to tell him and then she just did. She just told him like..."

"Like he was the baby's father? Like he was someone she'd been intimate with?" I say, my own voice sounding harsh and brittle to my own ears. "Are you jealous because Belle wants Max instead of you?"

"No! I don't want Belle. I've never wanted her. I'm with Torie and I want to be with Torie." He says with conviction, and I know my son well enough to know that this is the truth.

I think about what he just said, and I think about the way my son has been raised. He's not had a lot of constants in his life; his sisters and myself... and Max Cooper are the only few. "Then is it because Max has someone else in his life? Are you afraid that someone matters more than you?"

He's silent and looks away, refusing to answer. His silence speaks volumes.

"Carson, I know that you have been hurt by people who should have been there for you. And you don't trust a lot of people. Max is one of the few people outside of your sisters and me that you consider family and I get it that you want to protect him... from other people and from himself because he's your family and what hurts him hurts you. But this wasn't your decision to make. You weren't being Max's friend with this one."

Max

"What the hell?" I say, leaving a supremely pissed off Cami behind me, telling me I'm crazy if I thinks she'd ever give me another chance. I don't remind her that I didn't ask for this chance. She was on me like white on rice before I had time to respond and if Belle hadn't gasped when she did I'd have had the unenviable task of rebuffing Cami's advance.

I hurry to catch up to Belle which would normally be easy, but I'm still limping a little after my fall. I get to the parking lot and her car is gone. I limp back to the field house, avoid running into anyone and go in to get showered and changed. I come out a few minutes later in jeans and my jersey and head to my truck to go find Belle.

I'm not sure why it matters. She might have been shocked to see me with someone, but she's made it clear to me that she doesn't care because she doesn't want to be with me. But the thing is that I don't believe her. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment or maybe I'm just dense, but I can't shake the feeling that she's holding back because of something that doesn't have anything to do with how she feels about me.

I'm not sure where to start looking for her. I know she could be at a party, but she didn't look in any mood to celebrate. Without any other ideas, I drive to her house, pull into her driveway and see her car. I consider calling her but instead I make up my mind that I'm not going to be like my sister. I'm never going through a window or a back door at this house. If Belle and I have any shot, I'm going to knock on the door and face it like a man.

"Max. How are you doing?" Jesse Carpenter asks, looking not overly surprised to see me. His wife is behind him, peering at me critically, but not speaking.

"I'm well, sir. And you?"

"Good. That was an amazing game tonight. How's the ankle?"

"It's fine. I'm sorry to drop by unexpectedly, but could I have a moment to see Belle?"

Dana Carpenter stands at that moment and says, "Have you lost your mind, young man? You can't just..."

Jesse Carpenter clears his throat and says, "Absolutely. Why don't you have a seat in the sunroom, and I'll call her down here."

Her mother glares at me and goes back into the den and I step into the glassed-in sunroom and wait for him to bring Belle back. It occurs to me that she might not come down and I panic at the thought, but then there she is in sweats and one of Hayden's old t-shirts, her face a little puffy from crying and free of makeup; still easily the most beautiful face in the world. I make up my mind that if anything happens between us, I'm immediately giving her one of my shirts and telling her she's never allowed to wear another guy's number, I don't care if he does think of her as a little sister.

I barely wait till she's in the room and I'm sure we're alone before blurting out, "I'm sorry about Cami. I didn't start that. It just..."

"It's fine. You don't owe me anything." She says, but she doesn't meet my eyes.

"I do. I didn't let you finish talking last night because I didn't want to hear your answer, but I do now. Why can't you be with me? What are you afraid of?"

She shakes her head and sits down next to me on the white wicker love seat. "I'm afraid of hurting you. I'm afraid of not being good enough for you. I'm afraid that even though you think you've forgiven me for what I did you haven't really and someday it'll be too much."

"There's nothing to forgive..."

"Are you saying that if the choice had been yours you'd have made the same one I made?" She says, and she's crying softly.

I want to make her feel better, but I want to be honest too, so I say, "No, I'm not saying that. I don't know what I would have done, but I do know that you made the best choice you could make at the time. You know what I am upset about? That I wasn't there with you. If you'd told me I wouldn't have tried to change your mind. I'd have been there for you. I'd have held you hand and just... taken care of you. That's what I wanted to do."

She nods and reaches for my hand. "I have to tell you something and I don't want to make you mad at anyone else, but Carson and Georgia both told me that I needed to really think about what I was doing because I'd hurt you before and I wouldn't want to hurt you again..."

"Whoa... Georgia would wrap me in bubble wrap and keep me in a giant hamster ball in her apartment if she could. She's very overprotective. And Carson... I don't know what's going on with Carson lately. He acts like... he's hiding something, but I don't know what it is and he's mad at me for something that I don't know about and..." She looks away guiltily and something hits me that should have hit me a long time ago. "How did you get the... how did you get it taken care of without parental consent? It's a law, isn't it?"

She's quiet for a minute and I fill in the blank and say, "Carson knew, didn't he? How did he find out? Did you tell him when you weren't going to tell me?"

"No." She says crying softly. "He came to me at school and told me that I'd broken your heart and I had to fix things and... I don't know how he figured it out, but he just knew it. He took me to his mom. But she didn't know it was yours and she was so great to me. Please don't be mad at him. He was just trying to be your friend."

I nod but inside I'm seething at him.

I sit beside her not talking for a long time and finally she says, "You should go. You're never going to be able to get over this. I know you want to, but it's just too much."

I nod in agreement, and then I turn and start to stand, but instead I tilt her chin up to mine and say, "Just so you know, we're not friends anymore."

Then I kiss her eagerly. At first, she seems shocked, but then she kisses me back and she clings to me desperately.

When we finally break away she looks at me with wounded eyes and says, "This is crazy Max. How can we do this?"

"Because I'm miserable without you... and I think that whether you know it or not you're miserable without me too. And I know maybe you haven't spent as much time wanting me as I have you, but I still think that you feel it too. You wouldn't keep coming back to me if you didn't."

"Max, I am absolutely crazy about you." She says, touching my face and then wrapping her arms around me. "Can you really be with me after everything?"

"The question is can I be without you? And the answer is no. Can you be without me?"

"No." She says kissing me again. "Definitely no."

"Belle, I'm not naïve about what you've been through, what we've both been through; and I know it's changed us and brought us closer together. But I refuse to believe it's the only thing."

"Me either. That's what they thought, but the more they said it the more I knew that there was more to it than that. I know that we both don't want to remember that night because it went horribly wrong in the end, but when I think about that kiss... that was my first kiss by the way. It was enough to make me drunk without the punch."

I smile and wrap my arms around her and say, "That was your first kiss? Wow, you really went from 0-60 in 3.5 seconds, didn't you?"

"That's mean! It was your first time too." She says, pretending to be mad but she's too happy to pull it off for long.

"But not my first kiss." I argue.

"So how many times removed from your first kiss were we?" She asks possessively.

I shrug. "It doesn't matter. I kissed a lot of girls trying not to think about you, but it never worked."

"How long had you been... trying not to think about me?"

I smile ruefully. "From the first game of my freshman and your eighth-grade year. You went tumbling down the sideline and all I caught was a glimpse of an auburn pony tail and long legs, but it was enough."

"Are you sure it was me? My legs aren't long." She argues.

"When the skirt's short enough the legs look long." I tease, kissing the tip of her nose. "I should go. I shocked your parents socks off by showing up here."

"Mom maybe, but daddy knew all about you. He's being quite supportive." She insists, hanging on to me so there's no way I can stand up and leave her.

"Good, because I'm not going to be like Georgia. I'm using the front door and doing all of this out in the open. I know we started out wrong, but from here on out we're doing this the right way." I insist, and she hugs me again.

"And I promise I will never do anything to hurt you again." She promises.

"Don't say that. We all hurt the people that matter to us. It doesn't mean we don't care. It just happens. If you hurt me, I'll forgive you. And if I hurt you, you'll forgive me."

"Okay." She nods, snuggling into my side and I wish more than anything that I could stay there forever.

She leans up and kisses me again and adds, "But you're never going to hurt me."

"I'm not?"

Uhuh." She says with a smile.

"How do you know?"

"Because you are the sweetest, nicest, kindest person I've ever met, and you care more about me than anyone else in my life. You could never hurt me." She tells me confidently.

I kiss her softly and, in that moment, I feel like the luckiest man on earth.

Torie

I drive alone to Fisher's house for the after party with Rachmaninoff's Prelude in G minor playing on my iPod. Most people find it hard to reconcile the purple hair and the metallic base with the classical music and poetry, but I've never understood why. Music at its truest form is self-expression. So is poetry and so is purple hair. I'm a person who doesn't want to be just smart, or just musical, or just artistic, or just sexy. I hate putting people in boxes and this town has a way of doing that without even trying.

I pull in at Fisher's house and the street, driveway and front yard are already packed with cars. Fisher is one of those people who defies being put in a box and as such, his open invitation to a party is certain to be met with mass interest.

I find a parking space and cross the lawn waving and greeting several people who call out to me. I'm relatively popular considering I've only been here a few months but that is about 98% because of the Green and Gold number 3 jersey I'm wearing, and 2% because of the purple hair and the generous d-cup body. For some girls, the fact that the green and gold jersey makes me popular would be a huge part of its allure, but I'm not one of those girls; quite the opposite. I'm dating Carson for one reason and one reason only; because he's the sweetest guy I've met since I moved here.

I'd gathered through various conversations and comments by Carson, that Fisher is the proverbial poor little rich kid. He drives a 2009 Porsche Cayenne so it's not a big mystery. But seeing his house is an eye opener. It looks like a hotel and the grounds are like something in a theme park.

Fisher seems like a real, happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but he keeps his personal life pretty close to the vest. I know it's just him and his dad now, and his dad's career relocates him every couple of years. Tonight, was the season opener and he's in the Caribbean with his girlfriend.

I make my way through the crowd and the host is pouring drinks and greeting everyone with screams and laughter. He clearly seems to be having the time of his life.

"QB girlfriend, what is up? First Max ditched cause he 'turned his ankle' and now you're alone without 'the arm'? Do these boys grasp the epicness of a party at Fisher Barnes's house when his dad is in the Dominican Republic?"

"Please don't speak about yourself in the third person. It makes you sound like a total loser. And 'the arm' is meeting me here." I explain, stepping behind the bar. I really don't like parties. Everyone talks too loud to hear each other and gets so drunk they can't remember what they did. But I do like to dance so if there's a dance floor I will always take advantage of it.

"So, what are we drinking QB girl?" Fisher asks when I join him.

"I can't. We're in separate cars." I explain.

"Come on. Carson will be your designated driver. You can come back for your car tomorrow. Or you can always sleep over. I'm a highly accommodating host." He teases, elbowing me in the ribs.

"Hmmm I'm not sure who would like that more; my catholic father or my Baptist boyfriend."

"Forgive me for I have sinned." He says, and I elbow him back.

"Okay. Fix me one of those things with the pineapple and the rum, but only one and then I'm cut off." I say firmly. He pours it and then refills some more drinks and turns back to me.

"So, where'd you say Carson is?"

I shrug. "His mom needed to talk to him about something."

"He's a good guy, but you know he's a total mama's boy." He says pointedly.

"Most women say mama's boys make the best husbands." I state just to get under his skin. I'm crazy about Carson, but at sixteen I'm nowhere near ready to start looking for anything long term.

He fakes a knife to the heart and then laughs good-naturedly before asking, "So what's the deal with you two? No one sees how that works?"

"What do you mean? No one understands how I could want a hot, smart, sweet, guy like him or no one understands how he could want a sexy, smart, talented girl like me?" I ask, taking a long drink of my cocktail. "This is really good. What's it called?"

"Lick of Sunshine." He answers, eyeing me warily. He turns to greet some more of his guests and I turn as well, chatting with some friends who pass through the room.

I finish my drink and turn back to Fisher. "Ooh, I want another one."

"Uhuh, you said you were cut off after one." He answers, handing me a coke instead.

"That was a test. I didn't think you'd pass it. I'm very impressed. So, where'd you learn to tend bar?"

"Tom Cruise." He answers without hesitation.

"Good answer. Great movie. And you got your recipes from..."

"I'm thinking it was Martha Stewart." He answers with such dead-pan-seriousness; I can't tell if it's a joke or the actual truth.

"So how rich are you?" I ask, looking around his house.

"Pot and kettle. Your dad is a cardiologist." He answers. I don't volunteer that information to most people, but Fisher seems to have his ways.

"It's completely not the same thing. My parents have six kids and they still have family in Mexico. We've got working class money. This house is like drug dealer money." Fisher makes this stricken face and for a minute I freeze, afraid I've actually hit on something, but then he laughs uproariously, and I smack his arm.

"My dad is an independent computer systems technical analyst and programmer. He comes to companies who are changing to new systems and he analyzes all the data to configure the optimum program and then he transitions them and sets them up with their new system, but it's actually way more involved than all of that. Generally speaking, it takes 20-28 months. There are only about a dozen people in the western hemisphere who do what he does." He explains, and I nod, trying to process exactly what that all means.

And then I hear people start chanting 3, 3, 3 and I know Carson has finally arrived, so I don't care anymore. I bolt from behind the bar and go to greet him, but one look at his face and I know he's upset about something.

As soon as I got to know Carson, one of the things that impressed me about him was the way that he handled pressure. A full load of honor courses, quarterback for one of the most competitive teams in Alabama, being biracial in a very white family, not to mention a family situation that has changed drastically over the past few months... and through it all Carson's composure is never shaken. But when he walks toward me tonight, he's clearly rattled, and I don't know what could have happened.

"I just came to get you. Can we get out of here?" He asks, taking my arm.

"Sure, but we need to tell Fisher. He was anxious for you to get here." I say, pulling him back inside, but he shakes his head.

"I really just want to go." He says, and I'm actually worried.

"We're never going to make it through this crowd without getting mobbed." I say, looking around. "Surely in a house this big we can find somewhere to talk. Maybe you'll feel better after you talk about it."

He looks reluctant, but I take his hand and lead him down a hallway passed several closed doors. Finally, we find one that's open and seems to be empty.

"How many rooms are in this place?" I ask.

"I know there are seven bathrooms." Carson says taking a seat on what I can only assume is a guest's bed in a nondescript bedroom.

I take the wing back chair across from him and say, "Okay, what's going on?"

He takes a deep breath before he begins and says, "Okay, before I begin this, I can't tell you a lot of details. You're just going to have to follow along okay?" I nod, and he continues. "You know that Max and I have always been friends since we were little kids. He's always spent a lot of time at our house because it was just him and Georgia and she's had to work since she was fifteen so... he's almost like family. Then last year when his dad remarried, and he really didn't have anywhere to go he moved in with Avery. Then Avery and my mom got married in May, and now we all live together. So, my mom really thinks of Max like he's her other kid. Anyway, back in the winter he was real upset about something and something was going on in his life. And I took steps to help fix that problem... only he didn't know I was helping to fix it. And part of fixing it involved my mom, only she didn't know that what she was doing was about Max. So anyway, she figured out tonight that she did what she did to Max and she's pretty furious at me and she's going to make me tell Max and he's going to be really furious at me and all I was trying to do was help him and keep him out of trouble, but now I've just screwed up everything and my mom doesn't trust me because I straight up lied to her face and it's just a huge mess."

I reach for his hand and ask, "I don't know if this is the best time to bring this up, but I think it probably has something to do with this so... is there something going on between you and Belle?"

"Yes, it did involve Belle and no!" He says, then looks me in the eyes and says emphatically, "No. Belle and I are friends and there's no attraction there..."

"Come on. She's gorgeous. She's like every teenage boy's fantasy." I argue.

He gives me a look that makes my stomach flip a little and says, "You're every teenage boy's fantasy. Belle is every teenage boy's mom's fantasy."

I grin and choose to believe him. "Well said. Go on."

"Like I said, yes it does involve Belle, and I like Belle well enough. There was a time when I considered her a friend... just a friend. But Max has wasted the better part of high school chasing her, and you know, who does she think she is? She's not so special that she should be able to just ignore him and ignore him and then snap her fingers and he'll come running."

"Okay... it's a possibility that you could be butting in where you don't belong." I say ruefully. I'm brutally honest. It comes from growing up in a family where my parents barely speak English as a second language. I've spent my life translating for them since before I was old enough to know about filters and sarcasm.

He chews on his lip like he's considering how to say what he's thinking, or maybe even whether he wants to say it all. Finally, he says, "I'm not so good at that."

"What?"

"Knowing what is and isn't my business when it comes to the people who are... you know, my people."

I stand up and move to sit next to him. "Okay, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kiss you now."

He puts his arms around me and says, "I'm not complaining, but why?"

"Because you're just that adorable." I explain, leaning in to kiss him. For a really sweet, good, decent guy who, by all accounts, has not dated all that much, he's an extremely good kisser. Not that I've been kissed all that much... not as much as people think, considering I have the tattoo and all.

"Did that help your mood at all?"

"It did." He says with a smile.

"Okay, so tell me about this problem you have with your people."

"I don't know. It's just been a tough year. I mean, it's always been me and my mom and the girls and Max. They were my people; my family. And then Max went all googly over Belle and I knew he was keeping secrets from me and we've always told each other everything. And my mom was dating Avery and she'd been dating him for a long time and hadn't even told me. Then they got married, and Caity and Celia are already asking if they can call him daddy, and mom's pregnant. And Max might not call him dad, but he acts like he thinks he is. And Max is telling Belle stuff he doesn't tell me. And even Belle, who wasn't one of my people, but she used to confide in me and then she just cut my out of the picture and she's telling Max stuff." He sighs, "I sound completely pathetic and like a crazy person, don't I?"

"A little bit." I answer, hugging him. "You just love too much. That's not a bad thing."

"Max is going to hate me for this and my mom is so mad at me."

"Okay, your mom adores you; that's obvious. She'll forgive you. And Max is your best friend. He'll get over this. That's what friends do." I assure him, sealing it with another kiss.

"Now do you want to know what I think?" I ask, not waiting for an answer. "I think you should come out here to the party with me and dance and hang out with your friends who are all waiting for their quarterback to show up and celebrate with them. Tomorrow you'll apologize to your mom and start to fix things with Max. That's what I think."

He smiles, and, as always, I get lost in his dimple. He nods, and we start out to the living room where everyone is at, but Carson grabs my hand and tugs me back. "Hey Torie, would you be at all interested in... being one of my people?"

I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck. "If that's your adorable way of asking me to be your girlfriend, the answer is yes."

We head out to the living room and start dancing. Carson isn't much of a dancer, but he stands in front of me while I dance which is enough for me. And he looks at me like he adores me while I'm doing it so that's a huge bonus. We dance though a couple of fast songs and then a slow one comes on. He's better at the slow songs, mostly because it just requires him to sway with his arms around me. He's good at that part; so, good that I don't even mind that we're dancing to some obnoxious country music love song. I'm sure he's loving it.

And then, sort of in slow motion, I hear someone call Carson's name and when we look up, it's Max coming toward us. Without a word, he lays Carson out on the floor with one punch.

"I assume you know what that's for." Max says calmly as everyone around us freezes.

Carson just looks at him and doesn't say anything or make any move to go after him. As he's walking away he yells over his shoulder, "I'm spending the night on the boat. I'll come get my stuff out of your house tomorrow."

Belle

I walk up the driveway nervously and knock on Max's door. I've never gone to a boy's house before and it makes me a little uncomfortable, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't hear from him last night when he left so I texted him when I first woke up, just to say good morning. But then when he didn't respond I got worried. I certainly don't want to think that anything happened to him. Most of all I want him to be safe. But I also don't want to think that after he got away from me last night he started to think of everything again and decided we weren't such a good idea after all. Finally, I gave in and made an excuse to get out of the house, and just came over here. But now that I'm here I feel stupid and clingy. What if I drive him away?

Just as I'm about to turn and go back to the car the front door opens and Claire comes out to the porch. "Belle, are you okay?"

"Yes ma'am, I came by to see Max. Is he busy?"

"He's not here, but come in. We need to talk." She says seriously, and I feel a little nauseated. I follow her in and she pulls out a chair at the kitchen table and then joins me.

"Why didn't you tell me that the baby was Max's?" She asks when we're seated together.

I shrug and say, "Well, I guess partially because I didn't realize at the time how close you were to him; that it would make that much of a difference. What I said to you was true at the time. We weren't together, and I really didn't know him all the well. He was just a nice guy. And I guess I was afraid if you knew you'd make me tell him."

She nods, and I hope that means that she understands me, so I continue. "But I ended up telling him anyway. Hayden told him to come and talk to me and when I was face to face with him I couldn't lie about it... not to him. I think, if I'm honest, the look on his face the day I told him I was pregnant was what first made me start to feel... whatever I feel for him." I explain nervously, not ready yet to say I'm in love with him, but inside I know if I'm not there yet, I will be soon.

"So now you and Max are..."

"I guess we're dating." I say and then I cover my face. "That sounds so stupid. We made a baby together and then I had an abortion and now we're going to try to go back and be boyfriend and girlfriend. No wonder Carson and Georgia are trying to talk us out of it. But... I just want him in my life. I tried to tell myself it was because of the baby, but it's not. It's him."

She reaches across the table and covers my hand. "Sweetie, I know you've been through a terrible time, and I know how much Max cares about you. I'm happy if you two have found some common ground. But Max and Carson have been best friends since they were babies. And Max walked into Fisher Barnes's party last night and punched Carson out in front of everyone."

I gasp. "Is he okay? Are both of them okay?"

"Max spent the night on the boat. Georgia is going out to see him. Carson is upset and embarrassed to say the least."

"This is all my fault." I say tearfully. "I didn't know that Max didn't know about yours and Carson's involvement until a few weeks ago. I hated him not knowing, but it was important to Carson. But then last night Max asked me flat out how I got an abortion without parental consent. I didn't answer... but he could see it on my face. And like I said before, I can't lie to Max."

She nods. "I love Max almost like he's one of mine and if you two are together and happy, I want that for him... for both of you. But, Carson is my baby. He's had to handle a lot of changes this year. And Max has always been a part of his life. Please remember that and do what you can to help mend that rift instead of making it worse."

"I will." I say honestly. "I will never forget what Carson did for me. And I know he really did it for Max, but still if he hadn't come in and gotten me to you, I don't think I would have survived that time. The last thing in the world that I want to do is anything that will hurt either of them or to hurt them as best friends. I don't have that with anyone really and I envy it. I'd never want to take that away from them. Is Carson here? Could I talk to him?"

She directs me to the basement and I find Carson sitting in the middle of the sofa in a big room that I assume is his and Max's bedroom. He's playing Xbox, but it's obvious that he's just going through the motions.

"What are you doing here?" He asks sullenly.

"I came to see Max. I've been texting him, but I haven't heard back."

"He spent the night on the boat. There's nowhere to charge his phone out there." He answers and then asks, "So, as you can see, he confronted me about everything. You just had to tell him, didn't you?"

I shake my head. "I wanted to tell him more than anything. It was killing me keeping a secret for him. But I wouldn't have told him because I knew it would hurt him; hurt things between the two of you. But he figured it out for himself. I didn't have a choice."

"So now you two are just going to ride off into the sunset together?"

I shrug and then I feel myself getting angry and I say, "You know, I know it's not me you want so what's the deal? Are you so insecure that you can't stand for Max to have anyone else in his life, but you?"

His golden-brown eyes are furious at me, but then he turns away and I realize I've hit a nerve. He sighs. "I guess I can be a little possessive. I was actually worse than this when my mom started dating Avery."

"I'm sorry. If it's any consolation I know what you mean. My mom doesn't like me, and my dad went out and got Hayden and then Hayden... well Hayden always chose Georgia and Caleb over us and then he chose Avery too. So, I get it."

He puts down the controller and moves to the end of the couch, so I sit on the other end.

"I'm sorry that the other day I said we weren't friends." He admits grudgingly. "The truth is I do think of you as a friend. I mean, all my friends tease me about the blonde-hair/blue-eyed girl thing, but you're the only one I've ever talked with about it... and my dad too. I never talk about him with anyone."

"I'm sorry about Max. I mean, I'm not sorry that we're together. But Max is your best friend and you don't have to be threatened by anyone. You'll get through this. But I'm sorry that I hurt him... I don't deserve him, and I know that. He should hate me, but he doesn't."

He shakes his head. "You didn't do any of it on purpose."

"I lied to him about birth control." I say guiltily. "I told him not to worry about it. I was fine. I thought... no one gets pregnant the first time."

"I didn't need to hear this." He groans.

"Remember, my only real friend has always been Hayden. I'm actually way better talking to you than I am a girl."

"What did you mean when you said, you know I don't want you?" He asks. "I mean, Torie, my mom, Avery... everyone assumes that the problem must be that I'm jealous of Max for being with you. How do you know that's not the case?"

"That night at the party, if you'd wanted me you'd have made a move. I mean, I didn't want you either, but you had the perfect opportunity and all you did was talk about Max. You don't want me."

He laughs and nods. "You were Max's. I didn't even think about you like that because you were always his. That was the thing. He'd been in love with you since ninth grade and then you guys did it... it was his first time too. And he didn't tell me. It was the first big thing that ever happened to him that he didn't tell me all about. That's when it all started to crumble. And now... I don't know how we'll ever put it back together."

Georgia

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I screech, beating on the door of the boat cabin.

Max crawls to the end of the bed sleepily and says, "What are you talking about?"

"Claire and Avery are worried sick! They called me this morning to see if you'd spent the night at the Asher's with me or something because you hadn't come home. Carson finally came in with his very black eye and told them you were staying on the boat. That was incredibly disrespectful, not to mention rude."

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay there. Besides, Hayden used to stay here all the time." Max argues coming up on deck.

"Okay, first of all Hayden was older than you..."

"He wasn't that much older than me." He interrupts angrily.

"Hayden was born older than you!" I yell. "And second of all, he never stayed here without permission. This is Avery's boat. And third of all, he's not my responsibility. You are!"

"He's not?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Not the same way that you are." I say with a sigh before hugging him impulsively. "You hit Carson... your best friend, in front of everyone. Max, how could you?"

He turns his back and sits down on the edge of the boat. "You don't know what he did."

"Yes, I do. Claire told me everything." I say, joining him.

"Of course. Everyone knew what was going on in my life except me. Hayden knew. Then Max and Claire and Avery knew. I would have never known if Hayden hadn't made me go talk to Belle."

"Okay, first of all, Claire and Avery didn't know. Claire didn't know it was your baby and Avery didn't even know it was Belle till this morning. And why are you mad at everyone except Belle?"

He gives me an angry look and says, "Oh I forgot. You're against us too. She told me you talked to her."

"I'm not against you. I'm never against you." I say, forcing him to look at me. "But I want you to be with someone who deserves you."

"And you don't think she does?"

"I don't think she's done anything yet to prove to me that she does." I tell him angrily.

"I remember a fight we had one night about you following Hayden to college, and you told me that you hoped someday if I loved someone enough to put them before myself you'd be more supportive of me than I was of you." He replies and the look in his eyes gives me chills because I know that everything has changed. He belongs to her now more than he belongs to me.

I nod. "I did say that. But if you'll remember I made the tough decision to put my dreams before Hayden that time... because it was the best thing for me."

He shakes his head. "Because it was the best thing for both of you. You said it yourself that you went to college because you wanted to be able to give you and Hayden the kind of life that you deserved. You never once stopped thinking you'd end up together; even now when he's in prison you're still planning on being with him."

I'm quiet for a moment because of course he's right. At last I say, "Does that bother you?"

"No. I want you with Hayden. I know that you two love each other no matter what else happens. I'd just appreciate a little support right now."

I nod because I know all too well what it feels like to think you're the only person who can see what you see in the person you love. How many times have I looked at Max and Caleb and Mrs. Asher and others and thought, if they just understood me and Hayden at all they'd understand why we're together? So, I turn to him and say, "You're right. Tell me about Belle. Why do you love her so much and why is it so easy for you to forgive her for lying to you, but you can't forgive Carson? Tell me everything."

He's quiet for a few minutes before he finally says, "I'm not stupid Georgia. I know I'm only seventeen and Belle's only sixteen and we barely know each other. And I know that just because you met your 'soul mate' when you were five doesn't mean that I've met mine and that she's the forever one. But I know that since I met her I've only wanted to be with her. And it's not because she's beautiful or because she didn't want me back. I don't know, I just like her. She's one of the rich, popular, pretty girls but she's not part of the clique at all. She's smart and she's polite. She does stuff like, she has lunch every day with one of the little special-needs girls, so she doesn't have to eat alone, and she helps her with her money and her tray. And when we were together at New Year's we talked... I've never talked to anyone like I was able to talk to her. And you should see her watch a game; I swear she could coach if she wanted to."

"Well, she was raised with her dad and Hayden so..." I say with a laugh. "I get all of that. She's one of the few people who always saw how wonderful Hayden was which makes me think very highly of her. And I know that she had that endless crush on him, but I don't think it was really about him as much as it was because their family life is somewhat confusing."

"I know. Her mom is something else. All she wanted was her dad's attention; wanted him to be on her side but he was always so wrapped up in Hayden, and her mom has always told her that she wasn't enough for her dad and that's why he wanted a son so badly." He explains and his desire to protect her is almost palpable.

"So, like I said, why can you forgive her when you can't forgive Carson?"

"Well for starters because I wasn't anything to her before all of this happened. I liked her, but she didn't ever pretend to like me back. And then we... were together at New Year's and that was very out of character for her and she knew she did it because of seeing you and Hayden together. She was embarrassed and just wanted to put it all behind her. I was just a mistake to her. But I was Carson's best friend. He owed me more than that. And she told me the truth when I asked her. And she asked for my forgiveness. Carson would have never told me if she hadn't. Even when he knew that I knew, he never owned up to his part in it all. And there was other stuff. I think maybe... he wants her too."

"Sweetie, I asked Claire that very same question." I tell him, and he looks surprised. "You two are a couple of teenaged boys and Belle's a beautiful girl. It's not a big leap. Claire asked Carson the same thing and he assures her that's not the case."

He shrugs and says, "It doesn't matter. I still can't trust him."

"Max David Cooper, Carson has been your best friend since the two of you ate dirt together because you thought that's what baseball players had in their bottom lips." I remind him, and he laughs at the memory. "Are you really willing to walk away from that?"

He shrugs and says, "No, of course not. I'd do anything for Carson. But I thought he would me too."

"He did, you doofus. He lied to you. He lied to his mom. He carried around this terrible secret trying to protect you. Do you think that was easy for him?"

He shakes his head. "I just feel stupid. I feel like I don't know who I can trust anymore."

I want to ask him if he trusts Belle, but I'm certain he does despite everything so instead I say, "Well, you know you can trust me, right?"

He nods, and I hug him. "Now tell me about Belle? Are you guys together? What happened?"

He smiles and starts telling me and, at once, I'm completely wrapped up in his happiness. Just hearing him talk about Belle makes me miss Hayden. I'm not sure we were ever this young and innocent. But we were definitely this much in love. I hope we still will be when he comes home.

"Georgia, I need you to be on my side." He says, and he looks exactly like the little boy I used to sing to sleep when our mom first left, and we were trying so hard not to get on dad's nerves and cause him to get mad at us.

"Baby I will always be on your side." I assure him. "But I need you to tell me that you're going to be able to work things out with Carson; at least enough to go back and stay with them."

He shakes his head. "I don't know. I just don't know how I can be around him right now."

I nod. "Okay, then I guess I will go back to school on Monday and withdraw."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well what other option do I have? I mean, you can't transfer to a high school in New Orleans halfway through your senior year in high school and I know you don't want to ask dad if you can come stay with him and the new wife and the baby. So, I will have to come home and get an apartment, so you can finish school." I explain.

He gives me a dirty look. "You don't play fair."

"I'm a Gator. We play to win." I tease.

"Fine. I'll go home. But it's not going to be easy. Everything with Carson has changed and I don't know if it'll ever change back."

Max

Georgia doesn't go home with me, but promises she'll drop by later. Claire meets me at the door and one look at her face makes me feel guilty for not coming home last night.

"I'm so sorry." She says tearfully, hugging me as soon as I come in the door.

I shake my head. "I know you didn't know and... it was a bad situation. I'm just glad you were with her. Is Carson okay?"

She nods, and I say, "I'm sorry I hit him. And I'm sorry I didn't come home last night. I didn't mean to scare you and Avery. If... if it's okay for me to come home I promise it'll never happen again."

She hugs me again. "Of course. This is your home and we're your family. You will always be welcome here."

Avery nods behind her and slaps me on the back when I pass by him to head downstairs to the basement. Carson is sprawled on the couch watching Breaking Bad and doesn't look up when I enter.

I sit down on the other end of the couch and we're both quiet for a long time. Finally, he says, "Your girlfriend was here. She's been texting you, but I told her your phone was probably dead."

"It is." I answer pulling it out to charge it. "Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah. It's every guy's dream to get knocked on his ass in front of his girlfriend and most of the senior class." He says angrily.

I shrug. "So, Torie's officially your girlfriend now?"

He nods. "I asked her last night... before you showed up."

"Way to go man." I say holding out my hand for a fist bump. He stares at it for a minute, but then he does it.

"So, you had sex and didn't tell me?" He asks sulkily.

"I did." I answer. "Sorry about that."

He nods. "Don't let it happen again."

Georgia Nichols

May 2015

I walk in at just after 5:00 after a drive home through vicious traffic and find Hayden just dragging in, even though he left well before daylight.

"Oh baby, I thought I'd had a bad day, but you look whipped." I say, kissing him quickly as he unlocks the door and we walk into the kitchen.

"I want a shower and a bed. I don't even care if I eat." He says, getting a bottle of water from the refrigerator and handing me one as well. "What happened with you today?"

I shake my head. "I just had a case that got to me. This boy with big eyes... he looked like you. My hormones are raging, and it's getting to be too much." I explain, still not wanting to talk about it.

"You can take early maternity leave whenever you need to." He says, pulling me into a hug.

"I know, but then... who'll take care of the big-eyed boy?" I say, laying my head on his shoulder.

"So, what happened to make you look that way? Did you have to fill in for someone on the crew today?" Normally he's in his truck most of the day now, overseeing from site to site, or in his office tweaking the schedule and ordering supplies, but occasionally when they're short-handed he'll still pick up a shovel and get his hands dirty. Although those days are usually good days because that's the part of the work he fell in love with.

"I had another meeting with Dana Carpenter to go over plans for Belle's wedding."

"Oh." I say, tensing and pulling away.

"Coop, she's my family. I have to do this."

"I'm well aware of that, but she dumped my little brother and broke his heart... with no real explanation, after they dated for five and a half years. I got over the fact that she continued to pursue you after you made it abundantly clear that – not only did you think of her as a sister, but you were with me for life. I got over the other thing she did to Max. But three strikes and she's out. I will be polite for you, but it doesn't mean I have to like her."

He's silent, but his face always gives him away. Finally, I huff. "What? What is the problem?"

"She's not happy. I don't know why she's marrying this guy, but it's not what she wants. Of course, her mother wants it and is pushing it and pushing for some big, elaborate wedding she doesn't want either, but when I mentioned Max's name she looked like she'd been slapped. I'm telling you, there's something there."

"I love you, but isn't it possible that she's your little sister and you want to see the best in her, but maybe she's happy with her hoity-toity society wedding and fiancé and you're just seeing what you want to see?"

He stares at me for a minute and I really hope he doesn't turn this into a fight because I'm not up to it. But then he pulls me against him and says, "Come take a shower with me."

"I'm starving." I argue, already feeling myself going toward the stairs.

He buries his face against my shoulder and nips lightly at my neck. "Me too. Come upstairs."

"Ummm, okay." I say with feigned reluctance as I eagerly take his hand and let him pull me along behind him. What can I say? Hormones and a hot husband win out every time.

Later after dinner he's lying on the couch and I'm sitting at the table going over case files when his phone rings. He talks for a few minutes and I can tell it's Avery. He finally says he'll have to talk to me, and then he hangs up.

"What do you have to talk to me about?"

He comes over and starts to massage my neck which feels really good, but I know a bribe when I feel one. "What are you about to ask me to do that I don't want to do?"

"Well, you know Carson is home."

"Yes?" I answer expectantly.

"Claire is having a little family dinner tomorrow night..."

"Of course. I can't wait to see Carson. He's the next best thing to having my brother home." I agree excitedly.

"You didn't let me finish." He says reluctantly. "She's also invited Belle and Jacob."

I'm silent for a moment and then say, "Why?"

"Because Belle is one of Carson's best friends and she's like family to them. She's my family and she used to be like family to you too."

"She's still my family... but that doesn't mean I want to eat across the table from her and her fiancé. What would Max think?"

He looks at me and I frown. "Okay, I know what Max would say. But that's precisely why she doesn't deserve him."

"So, which one is it? Are you mad because she dumped him or because she didn't deserve him in the first place?" He asks, with just enough humor in his voice to remind me that he's on my side even when we don't agree.

"Both." I answer sulkily. "But I'll go, and I'll be the bigger person. Just don't ask me to be her bride's maid."

Dinner the next night goes smoothly enough. I avoid Belle, but she makes no effort to be close to me either. Her fiancé seems nice enough and she seems happy; but I grudgingly admit that like Hayden says, she doesn't seem exactly right... not the way she was with Max.

When she's gone however, we all start to talk and before long things begin to unravel.

"I don't like him." Hayden finally says disdainfully.

"Oh, God me either!" Carson agrees with a sigh of relief. "He's so fussy!"

"It's the baby thing." Claire explains, reluctantly joining in the conversation.

"What baby thing?" I ask, almost afraid to know.

"He doesn't want children and she claims she doesn't either. She came to the hospital to have lunch with me a few days ago, and she let it slip that they don't plan on having children. Says she loves other people's babies, but she just wants to be Aunt Belle."

"That's crazy!" Hayden argues. "She found some uptight jerk who doesn't like kids and he's just influencing her. He looked at Andy like he was germ! And he looked at Coop's stomach like he thought the thing from alien was coming out."

"That is terrible. Did you try to talk to her?" Avery ask Claire.

"I asked her when this came to pass because as far as I knew she'd always wanted kids, but she said it was something she'd been thinking on for a while. I told her she wasn't being rational, but she was quite insistent."

In the car on the way home we're both silent, lost in our own thoughts, when Hayden finally says, "You know where this thing about the baby is coming from don't you?"

I nod. "Bless her. She makes a decision when she's sixteen and she's still paying for it. And if she'd made a different decision who knows what would have become of her or Max."

"You think this is why they broke up?"

A sick realization hits me as I remember a time when Belle and I were talking about babies and I know now that I should have expected that someday this would happen.

March 2009

I cross the parking lot of the hospital on a crisp, cool day in March after driving home following a day of classes and work. I haven't been home a lot this year. I was here for a few days at Christmas and several of Max's games but never for more than an overnight and mostly for only a few hours at a time. I've made a lot of excuses about being busy with work and school and things, but the truth is simple. It hurts too much to be here when Hayden isn't.

But this is a trip for Hayden. He can't be here so I am. I open the door to the lobby and cross to the elevator and find Avery waiting for it as well.

"Congratulations daddy!" I say excitedly.

"I can't believe you're here. It's so great you came." He says as we start up the elevator. "I had to take the girls home. They've been here all afternoon. You should see them with him. Precious."

"And Carson?" I ask.

"Crazy about him. He's still here probably. Max is crazy about him too. As a matter of fact, he was on his way to get Belle when I left here a while ago." He explains as we ride up to the fourth floor.

"Well they better get their fill now because when Hayden gets home they'll have to wait in line." I say with confidence, but inside the fear is ever with me that he won't get home anytime as soon as we hoped or that he won't be the Hayden we all know when he does.

Avery smiles encouragingly as if he's reading my thoughts. "He'll be out before you know it. He's up for parole soon and everything looks good. His lawyer is very optimistic. And he's doing great. I see him every couple of weeks. He's really handled it like..." His voice trails off and I know we're both thinking back to all the tough things he's had to handle.

We step off the elevator, and he puts his hand on my back and steers me down the hall. "Now come meet your... future nephew."

Andy is an adorable little ball dressed in blue and I can't help thinking that he's a very lucky little boy to be welcomed by so many people who love him already.

Max and Belle arrive about thirty minutes after me, followed quickly by Carson's girlfriend. Everyone is talking excitedly and oohing over the new little "QB". Max gets his turn to hold him and it's obviously not the first time.

"Don't listen to these people, my friend." He says, holding little Andy up to his face. "There's more to football than QB's and... don't quote me on this... there's more to life than football."

I laugh and then I turn my head just in time to notice Belle slip out of the room. Everyone else is so focused on the baby they don't even see it, but I excuse myself quietly and go after her.

"Belle." I whisper when I see her duck into a waiting room. I follow after her, but she's not there. Then I notice the restroom at the far end of the room. I knock on the door, but she ignores me.

"Belle, I know you're in there. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She says, but I can hear through the door that she's crying.

"You're not fine. Please talk to me." Finally, she unlocks the door and I walk in and find her blowing her nose and still sniffling.

"Don't do that. Here, I have tissue. It's better for your skin." I say, handing her a pack.

"Thanks."

"So... does this happen often?" I ask, leaning against the sink.

She nods. "Sometimes... and then I'll go a while and it'll be almost like... I stop thinking about it. And then something happens, and I remember that I've stopped thinking about it and I feel so guilty that it starts all over again."

"It's been a little over a year?" I ask, although I know well when it happened... it's the day everything happened.

"I could have a five-month-old Georgia. Max and I could have a five-month-old. Did you see him? Did you see..."

"No, no. Don't do that." I say hugging her as she begins crying again. "Listen to me. You made a tough decision, but... you know, you and Max were not ready to have a baby. Are you honestly telling me that you think you should have done something differently?"

She shakes her head. "I don't know. I mean it's not like I'm sitting around wishing we'd had a baby, but... I'm just wishing none of it had happened."

"Well you know that can't happen."

"I know. But I just keep thinking that Max is so young... I mean I know he's older than me, but he's a guy. And someday it's going to really hit him what he lost, what I took from him, and he's going to hate me." She cries. "And in there now, watching him holding that baby all I could think is that...when that day comes it'll kill me."

"Listen to me. Max couldn't hate you if he tried." I say seriously. "And I think you're the one who is thinking about what you lost... it's impossible not to I'm sure. But the only thing you can do at this point is find a way to move on with your life."

She nods, and I hug her again. I've spent so much time being mad at her for so many things, but the truth is she's just a kid who's been stuck in the middle of some really grown-up problems... even if some of it was her own making. "Have you thought about talking to someone? A professional or maybe someone from church? Mrs. Asher?"

"I know I probably should, but..." She shakes her head. "We have to go. I'm sure Max is looking for us."

"Listen to me." I say, about to argue with her, but then I realize there's probably nothing I can say that she hasn't thought of. So, instead I tell her, "You need some makeup."

We fix her face and when we start back out we run into Max. "Hey, what happened to you guys?" He says looking at both of us and I know he's unable to miss the fact that Belle's face is puffy and red, and she won't make eye contact.

"I uh, had a moment." I say, stepping between the two of them. "You know, just wishing Hayden was here with the baby and, of course, you know me. I don't cry, but I make everyone around me cry."

"Yeah." Belle says weakly. "I'm such a big cry baby. It took just a second of her talking about it to get me going."

"Are you sure?" He asks, stepping toward her and reaching for her hand. But she nods reassuringly, putting on a brave face. We talk for a few more minutes and then we all say our goodbyes.

I have no doubt that they love each other, but I also have no doubt that they've got a long road ahead of them if they stay together. And I can't help wondering if I should be rooting for or against them.

Belle

May 2009

"You look absolutely radiant." Mom says from the doorway.

"Thanks. I love the dress." I tell her, spinning once and loving how the skirt twirls. It's strapless and seafoam green with a fitted, crystal-encrusted bodice and a flowy chiffon skirt. My hair is in an elaborate up-do that took hours to achieve and my make-up was done at one of the cosmetic counters at the Bel Air mall in Mobile. But it's Max's prom and nothing can be left to chance. I'm making sure everything is perfect.

"Does Max know he's supposed to buy a corsage?"

"Yes ma'am. He's getting a gardenia. It's white so it'll match my dress and he knows it's my favorite flower. And it isn't a rose which is what everyone does."

"Is it a wristlet because if you try to pin a corsage to that strapless bodice..."

"Mom, he's getting a wristlet. And you know what, if he didn't, I promise it wouldn't matter."

She smiles and nods, but Max has yet to get two kind words in row from her, either to his face or when she talks about him.

"Can we talk for a minute, before everyone starts to get here?" She asks.

"Yes ma'am."

"I know that you think you're in love with Max..."

"I am in love with Max." I interrupt her.

"Belle, you're only seventeen. You don't even know what love is." She says condescendingly. "But I also know that Max is a senior and a boy and he's probably started pressuring you about sex."

"He hasn't... really." I insist truthfully.

"Well if he does, just remember that you weren't raised like he was and that if the only way to be with him is to have sex, then you don't need him." She says sternly.

I think that as far as informative, safe-sex talks with moms go... this one falls far short. "Mom, what do you mean when you say you know how Max was raised?"

"I'm just saying that Hayden has been sneaking out to see Georgia in the middle of the night since he was fourteen. I'm not naïve about what they were doing."

"Well correct me if I'm wrong, but that would be more about how Hayden was raised than how Georgia and Max were raised. And isn't how Hayden was raised the same way I was raised?" I ask which gets me a venomous look from her.

"I didn't raise Hayden." She says coldly as she turns to leave.

"You can say that again." I say under my breath, just as daddy comes in.

"Look at my baby girl. You've never looked more beautiful, has she sweetheart?" He says to mom who offers a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"There are people getting here for pictures." He adds and mom rushes downstairs to meet her friends with him behind her and I'm alone in my room.

I look at myself again and I smile approvingly. No matter what my mom thinks, I know that I love Max. And I know that what we have is forever. There's never going to be anyone for me except him. That's why, even though he's truly never pressured me about sex, I've decided that tonight is the night. I started taking birth control pills two months ago, and I have a variety of condoms in my tiny silver clutch bag. Like I said, nothing can be left to chance.

Torie

I'm the kind of girl who should think that prom is totally lame. The hotel decorated with Papier Mache and the DJ; teenage boys in tuxedos and everyone in rented limousines; girls in dresses that cost too much money and show too much cleavage; $50 for two tickets so you can spend half of the night in the parking lot drinking and the other half in a hotel room having sex and all anyone seems to remember when it's over is the breakfast at 4:00 am at Bayou Biscuits.

But from the moment that Carson slipped a red-rose corsage on my wrist to walking in through the archway of green and gold balloons and now dancing together under lights that turn everything to iridescent prisms of color, I've felt like this was the most magical night of my life.

Carson was prom king with a cheerleader, but it doesn't bother me since I'm only a junior. Not that I would have been prom queen if I'd been a senior, but it still made it easier to sit next to Belle while he, Max and Fisher were all presented on court. It's going on one now and everyone is starting to wind down. Fisher is having an after party, so I guess we'll end up there until breakfast. I take a trip to the bathroom before we're set to leave with Max and Belle.

I look in the mirror and admire my dress again. It's too sexy for a high school prom, but mama gave me the credit card and no rules, so I ended up with clingy black sequins and a slit that couldn't be any higher without being indecent. I'm checking my hair again and applying more lipstick when Belle comes out of the stall.

"Are you ready?" I ask. "I think we're about to head to Fisher's house."

"Yeah, just another minute." She says as she walks toward the sinks and mirrors. I watch wordlessly as her heel hangs on a loose tile and she trips. I reach out to catch her too late and she's in the floor.

"Are you okay?"

She laughs and nods. "At least it happened at the end of the night instead of the beginning. And to think, the strongest thing I've had to drink is Sprite."

We laugh as she stands up and examines her dress, finding it no worse for the wear, while I bend to retrieve her spilled handbag. I pick up a lipstick, a pack of gum and enough condoms for the entire football team.

"Good lord girl, how much sex are you planning on having?" I ask.

She grabs everything from my hand and stuffs them back in the bag. "I'm just trying to be prepared for anything." She says hastily.

"Okay." I say watching as she reorganizes her purse and then checks her hair.

"You're first time on prom night? Isn't that a bit of a cliché?" I ask, always cursed with a blunt tongue.

"It's not my first time." She snaps.

"Oh, I just assumed..."

"Well you assumed wrong." She says angrily.

"It's no big deal. I'm not judging you. Max is a great guy and you two are obviously very much in love." I say, trying to diffuse the situation. I like Belle and I don't want her to be mad at me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bite your head off." She says nervously. "The truth is, Max and I did it over a year ago, and then... well let's just say it didn't go well... I mean not the during, but the after. I didn't handle it well and we ended up not speaking for a while and then it took us a long time to get back together. He's been great about it. He never pressures me or acts like he's disappointed, or even like he's trying to persuade me to. And tonight is prom night, and he's leaving soon for basic training and I just thought tonight would be the night."

I nod. "Like I said. Max is a great guy. If you're sure he's the one you should go for it. Are you... sure?"

She wrinkles her eyebrows and says, "I don't know. How can I be sure? Were you sure with Carson?"

I shrug. "No, that's why we haven't done it yet. That's why I'm still a virgin."

"Oh." She says and her face sort of falls before me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes... no." She says shaking her head. "I am sure about Max. I've been sure about Max for so long. But I just hate myself for not waiting; because he is the one and it would be so perfect now if we were together, but he wasn't the one then... at least I didn't know that he was, and it wasn't perfect and now I just feel like I ruined everything, and it'll never be perfect again."

"Have you and Max talked about this?"

She shakes her head. "Back when we first started dating again we talked about waiting till it was right. And like I said, he, sort of, put that in my court, and he never makes an issue out of it. I mean... he wants to of course, but he never pushes. I want to... I don't know... offer myself to him. Is that incredibly lame?"

"No. It's kind of sweet."

She smiles and says, "So why aren't you sure about Carson? He's nuts about you."

I shrug. "I am about him too, but... I don't know. I guess the tattoo and the hair, people expect me to be a certain way, so I strive to surprise them."

"Why not just wear pastels and hair that is actually hair-colored?"

"Where's the fun in that?" I reason. "So, what do you think? Are you going to do it?"

"I don't know. I didn't really think it through that we'd be in the car with you and Carson and everything so maybe not... I don't know."

"There are like fifteen bedrooms at Fisher's. I'm just saying." I explain.

"What's the deal with him? Why isn't he dating anyone? I mean, he's completely hot. He could have anyone."

I look around to be sure we're still alone and then whisper, "You know Carson thinks he's gay."

"No!" She says with a gasp.

"But don't tell Max. Carson says the... what is it they call him?"

"The clean marine?" Belle asks with a smile.

"Right. He says the clean marine couldn't handle knowing that."

She laughs as we start out the door. "That's my Max."

Max

When Belle asked me to go for a walk with her the last thing I expected was to end up in the pool house. I was even more surprised when she locked the door. But I told myself not to think anything about it. It's not like we never do stuff. I mean, we've made out for entire full-length movies. But still a locked door on prom night has potential.

Now we're on the couch and she's kissing me... I'm kissing her back but she's definitely the initiator.

"I love you." She says, as she leans back against the couch arm.

"I love you too."

"I mean I really love you. I will always love you Max."

"I'll always love you too Belle. You're my forever." I say, returning her kiss. She pulls me down on top of her and begins unbuttoning my shirt.

"What are you doing?" I ask, as she moves to begin kissing my neck.

"I love you. I just told you I'll always love you. It's prom night and I locked the door. Isn't it obvious what I'm doing?"

"Are you sure? I mean... I hate to bring this up tonight, but you said you were sure..."

"I was sure that night; my heart was sure. It just took a while for my head to catch up to it. But it's there now too. Everything is in agreement. You're my forever too." She says shyly. "I started birth control pills two months ago, and I have like an alarmingly ambitious number of condoms."

I can't help laughing nervously before saying, "I've never once left the house without condoms since that night, but if you're on birth control pills what does that matter? We know the only people we've been with is us."

"We got pregnant our first time... our first time..."

"Times two, I know." I tease, kissing her forehead. "So, what is it? Are you afraid we're like super-fertile?"

"I'm not taking any chances." She assures me, and I nod in agreement. I kiss her eagerly and move to her shoulder while she helps me out of my shirt.

"When did you know that you loved me?" She asks.

"What?" I say, distracted by the way her hands feel on my back and the taste of the skin below her ear.

"When did you know that you love me? You always say that you knew I was the one when I tumbled down the sidelines at that game, but that was just hormones. When did you really know?"

I'm not sure that I have enough brain cells working right now to string together a coherent sentence, but I struggle to come up with something lucid while Belle continues touching me. It isn't easy. "I guess it was that night in the sunroom at your house."

"Hmmm." She says with a happy sigh before kissing me again and I relax, thinking we've put the topic to rest. But then she says, "What did I say or do to make you know?"

"It was..." I grope my mind for a rational though while her mouth is on my earlobe. "I... don't know. I just did. I just knew."

"But it must have been something specific." She argues.

"I don't know." I say again, sitting up and moving to the end of the couch away from her. "Are you sure you want to do this? Because you said you wanted to do this and now you're just talking."

"I just don't want it to be like last time. I want us to say all the things we should have said then and make it perfect. I want this to be the night we always remember." She reasons.

I swallow hard and say, "I don't think we should do this."

"What? Yes, we should. I want to, and I know you want to." She argues, sitting up as well.

"No, I really don't think you do... and I'm not even sure I do. I mean, I do, but not like this."

"But this is perfect. It's prom night. I'm wearing a beautiful dress and you're in a tux and we're in this perfect place..." Her voice trails off.

"Listen to me. I want you all the time... every minute we're together and even when we're not, I want you. Anytime you want me, it's going to be the perfect time. But I don't want it to be because I'm wearing the right suit and we're in the right place. I want it to be because in that moment you can't live without me."

"I can't live without you now. I can't think of anything worse than losing you." She says tearfully.

"You're not going to lose me; not because of this or anything else." I tell her, reaching for my shirt and putting it back on. "When it's the right time you'll know it and I'll know it, but this isn't it. It doesn't mean that I don't love you. It means that I do love you."

She sits on the end of the couch for a few minutes until I finally signal that I've had enough of a cooling off period by reaching for her hand and she joins me, snuggling against me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't ever apologize. This was great and a night we'll definitely never forget." I tell, her kissing her lightly.

"And by the way, as for when I knew that I loved you... It was the first night we were together when you told me you wanted to teach elementary PE. And that night when you drove me home from the party and we sang Friends in Low Places in your car. And in the sunroom when you couldn't lie to me about Carson. When we lost at state and you took me to Hale's Tavern for dinner and we danced to My Homes in Alabama. The day when it had been a year, and you didn't want to see me, so you said you were sick, but I came over anyway and we sat in the car and you cried... well I guess we both cried. It was tonight when you walked down the stairs in that dress and a few minutes ago, when you told me I'm your forever. It was all those times and a million others since we first got together because every day I fall more in love than the day before. Every day I think I couldn't love you more and then every day you do something else to make me love you more."

She reaches up and kisses me. "Are you absolutely sure you don't want to tonight?"

I laugh. "Please don't tempt me."

Georgia

June 2009

My big day with Max, to celebrate his graduation, turned into my big day with Max and Belle. I'm at least a little irritated but I also get that he's leaving soon and they're young and in love and positively desperate to be together every minute. In some ways, I don't think Hayden and I have ever been this young and this desperately in love. I know that's ridiculous because I love Hayden more than anything. We have forever love. But before we were anything else, we were best friends so even in our worst of times... right now being one of our worst times, the one thing I've ever been 100% secure about is that Hayden loves me, and I love Hayden. Even the two years we were apart and doing everything in our power to go on alone, I know neither of us ever really stopped believing that we'd end up together because the alternative was always inconceivable.

But they're going through that shaky stage when it feels like every hurdle will be the hurdle that ends it all and the reality is that every hurdle might. I remember Aimee saying that she felt like everything with Caleb was always hanging by a thread and the slightest thing could end it. She's never come right out and said it, but I know that's why she ended things with him after he got hurt. The fear that it would eventually be too much for them became so overwhelming for her that she decided to bring about the inevitable, so she could at least have a little peace-of-mind. I think it definitely backfired, but watching Max and Belle now, it makes a little more sense to me.

"So, you're not friends with Torie are you?" I ask, joining Belle on the pier. We're all down at the bay where Avery's boat is docked. We thought about taking it out, but Carson, Torie and Fisher showed up and six people on the boat would be too many. The guys all stand in the shallow water tossing the Frisbee and Torie floats nearby in an inner tube, wearing a bikini that is virtually non-existent and reveals a tattoo on her hip that looks like an S from here, but I know from Max, through Carson, is actually a treble clef. I've known Carson since he was a golden-brown-eyed little preschooler and it makes me feel old that he has a sexy girlfriend with a usually-hidden tattoo.

She shrugs. "I like her fine. You know, we can talk when we're all out together. But she's not like me."

"Like you?" I ask.

She nods. "I can see it in her eyes. Carson is just someone to her... you know, her high school boyfriend. I mean she really likes him, but she never entertains thoughts that he'll be a part of her future. And she thinks that Max and I are the same way, and I'm just too stupid and naïve to know it."

I laugh because I know exactly what she means, only I was usually on the opposite side of that. "I remember trying desperately to think that Hayden was just my high school boyfriend and if I could ever get away from him, I'd realize it. Everyone else was so afraid of what time and distance and space would do to their relationships and I was just praying that time and distance and space would make me able to let him go."

She gives me a horrified look and I remember that not too long ago she was living with a big-time crush for him, but then she smiles and for the first time I think someone might understand me.

"When I started trying to come out from under the abortion I knew that I needed to date someone. I mean, I was sixteen-years-old, and I'd spent all high school so far, being plagued by a tragic Hayden crush with a healthy dose of daddy issues in the mix. I wanted there to be someone... someone else. Fisher was hot. He was new in town and I noticed him checking me out a few times. I could have dated a lot of different guys, I know. But no matter where I looked, there was Max. I tried so hard not to want him; it just didn't seem fair to him and I knew that if I was with him, it was going to always remind me of what had happened. But... there was always Max. I think... there's always going to be Max."

"You don't want there to always be Max?" I ask.

"I don't know." She says timidly. "I mean, yes I do, but... it would be so much easier if it wasn't."

I hug her impulsively and say, "If you knew how many times I'd said those same words; thought that same thing about Hayden."

"But look at him. He's so sure; he's been so sure about me for so long. Why? I don't deserve that." She buries her face in her hands and says, "I keep thinking he's going to go out there in the real world and he's going to realize that I'm just some stupid, spoiled girl who hurt him time and time again and he can have anyone. Look at him. He's freaking perfect. He's gorgeous and sweet and smart and good and decent and... I've never kissed anyone else, but I'm still confident that he's an above average kisser. He can have anyone! What happens when he realizes he can have anyone and he decides I'm just not worth it anymore?"

"And what happens when he realizes that he can have anyone or anything and you're still what he wants?" I say thinking of Hayden. I spend a lot of time regretting that I ever left home, but at the same time I know how much it means to Hayden that after everything I've done, I always choose to come home to him.

She looks away and I can't help thinking she looks like Hayden, which I know is ridiculous, but true none the less. Finally, she speaks, and she sounds a little like him too. "Then I have to deserve that and... I don't think I do; maybe I never will."

I put my arm around her again and say, "I'm going to say something that makes me sound old and condescending and I don't mean to sound that way, but here it is. You're seventeen. You have a whole year of high school left and I know your mom isn't going to have anything but that you go to her alma mater for college. Meanwhile Max has a year of active duty and then he'll probably end up at Ole Miss. It does neither of you any good to worry yourselves sick about what's going to happen six months, or a year, or five years from now. A year from now you guys might have both met other people and be living completely separate lives. Or five years from now, you might end up getting married and living happily ever after. And neither one of those things is going to happen one bit faster or easier if you drive yourself crazy worrying about it."

"I know you're right." She says softly. "I'm sorry about today. I know how much you've missed him, and he has you too. I should have insisted that everyone stay away and let you have the day together."

I shake my head. "I do miss him, but this is nice... seeing him with you and with his friends. So, what is the deal with him and Carson? I thought they worked everything out."

"They did, but... it still happened. It's like since it happened every little thing that once they would have probably ignored, is now a big deal. Add to that the fact that Carson and I are friends. It bugs Max... sometimes I'm not sure if he's jealous because he thinks I confide in Carson instead of him, or because Carson confides in me instead of him."

"Do you confide in Carson?"

"No. I did before Max and I were together... just because he was there, but not anymore. I tell Max everything. But Carson still talks to me sometimes. He did recently, and I ended up telling Max about it because I want them to be close again like they used to be. I thought if I told him what we talked about, it would show him that there's nothing going on with us. But instead he's even madder at him."

"Caleb and Hayden aren't as close as they used to be. You can blame it on Aimee or on me or on football or the fact that Caleb left to be a doctor. But whatever it is I can tell it hurts him; I think it hurts them both." I tell her. "Does Carson have feelings for you?"

She shakes her head. "I don't think so. He's crazy about Torie... more than she is about him, and he's never made a move on me. If he does, you can't tell it."

I nod because I'm inclined to agree. He never looks longingly at her or enviously at Max. And like she says, he looks at Torie like she's God's gift.

"So how does Fisher figure into the mix?"

"He's been a life saver for them. They both became friends with him when he moved here, and he's just so easy going that he's kind of provided a buffer for them. It's like he's sort of in the middle right now, but he's laid back enough not to get pulled in either direction."

We sit watching them all together and it's easy to see that no matter if Fisher is in the middle right now, Max and Carson have a bond that can't be forged in a mere year and a half.

"So how are things with you and Hayden?" She asks, changing the subject.

"Good. It's so good to just see him and see that he's okay. That he's doing great with work and planning to go to school. It's all just..."

I sigh and then I give up. "It's weird. It's like he's Hayden and he still loves me, and I still love him, but we're not together because there's all this baggage between us. Does that make any sense?"

She nods. "It was so tense when he first came home. He was closed off from everyone and he seemed like he'd just rather be alone, but he was trying hard to get back with everyone. Still, he just seems so... wounded. I kept telling myself it would get better once you got here."

"What if it doesn't? What if he stays wounded?"

"I refuse to believe that. You're the love of his life. He'll get through this and you'll be the reason why."

I smile because I want to believe her. And then I add, "You know what Max is about to do may not be prison, but it'll be tough. It's a year away from everyone who loves him and everything he knows and is familiar with. I hate that he's doing this, and I'm scared to death, but I believe that he'll get through it too. And I think when he does, you'll be a big part of the reason why."

Max

Five days. I'm leaving for Parris Island in five days. Everything is done and ready for me to go. Now I just have to wait.

I'm working full time on Hayden's crew. It's fine work... I get to be outside and I have a good time hanging out with Hayden. But I don't get the difference between Bermuda grass and Carpet grass, and furthermore I can't imagine why anyone would care. But not only does Hayden get it and care about it, but he has a way of making the client think it's the most important decision they'll ever make and that only he has the answer. It's impressive.

I'm digging what will eventually be a Koi pond this afternoon when someone calls my name and I turn to see who it is.

"Daddy." I say, shocked to hear the word come out of my mouth because I can't remember the last time I've thought of the man in front of me as a daddy, but the truth is I don't know if I've ever called him anything else either, at least not to his face.

"I stopped in over at Gregory's to pick up some daffodils Brittney wanted. He mentioned you were working out here, so I drove by to see you. I figured you were leaving for the marines soon."

"Yes sir." I answer numbly.

I wasn't aware he'd even know that I was going to the marines. I've always talked about it, but I didn't know he'd ever listened. I'm not sure what to say to him after all this time.

"So, how's your sister?" He asks awkwardly.

"She's good. She's working in Washington DC this summer and then next year she'll probably be in law school at Alabama."

"Good for her. I always knew that girl was going to make something out of herself." He says like he had anything to do with it.

With his dirty blonde receding hairline and dull blue eyes, he doesn't look at all like Gigi and me. I've only seen a few pictures of our mother, but she had our coloring and she was tall, not as tall as Georgia, but tall. He's sort of pathetic looking now, and it makes me sick thinking of how we used to hover in the bedroom trying to be quiet, so he'd pass out before he came and beat us.

"She was always a good sister and she's going to be great at whatever she ends up doing." I tell him, suddenly wishing he'd just leave.

"You know you have another sister. Melaina will be a year-old next month. You ought to come meet her before you leave."

"Are you serious?" I ask, suddenly inexplicably angry. "Gigi is my sister. Gigi and even Caity and Celia, but not her. I don't even know you and I don't know your kid and I don't want to."

"Now look here..."

"No, you look." I say, rising to my full height and now towering over him. "Doesn't it bother you, or your wife, in the slightest that you gave me to strangers to live with when I was only seventeen?"

"It wasn't strangers. It was Hayden Nichols. He's practically family, or at least he was till he went and wound up in prison."

"Yeah, and thanks for checking on me when that happened. I could have wound up having to move to New Orleans my senior year. Or Georgia could have had to quit school. It was great of you to check on us during that time." I scream, feeling myself nearing the edge of my control as I keep backing him up and away from me. I don't even bother to remind him that when he told Georgia there wasn't room for me, he had no idea where I was going to wind up.

"Is everything okay over here?" Hayden says, stepping between us and I immediately feel myself trying to regain control. The last thing Hayden needs is to get in the middle of a fight with me and daddy, who he hates, while he's still freshly out on parole.

"Just trying to visit with my smartass son before he leaves." He says, and I'm close enough now to know I smell alcohol. Why did I hope for even one minute that he might have changed this time?

"Well Mr. Cooper, you've visited with him, and now it's time for you to leave." Hayden says, not touching him, but making his presence known none the less.

"Who do you think you are? You think you're going to beat me to death and get a slap on the wrist for it, superstar?" He says, pushing Hayden and I know it's taking everything in Hayden not to tear him apart. It's taking everything in me too.

"Look, Hayden's right. You need to go." I say, getting back in between them. I know it kills him to admit it, but he has to know that Hayden and I either one could end him. The two of us together are a formidable opponent.

He spits at the ground and says to Hayden, "You know Georgia's just like her mama. Her mama never cared about us any more than Georgia cares about you. She's never coming back to a washed-up convict like you."

I see the tension set into Hayden's shoulders, but he stays back and says, "Georgia may not ever come back to me, but it won't be because she's anything like her mother or because I'm anything like you."

"You Gators all think you're so damn special." He sneers starting toward the car but throwing over his shoulder as he goes. "It'll take more than the marines to make a man out of you."

When he's gone, Hayden puts his hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay man?"

"Yeah sure. Are you?" I ask, my voice still sounding shaky.

"Oh yeah. But it'll be nice to have something to share at my anger management group this week." He says with an off handed laugh. I know Hayden hates those meetings, and I know he has no more of an anger issue than me or Carson or anyone else who had parents like ours. On the other hand, at the moment I feel like I could benefit from an anger management meeting, and I've never been anything close to violent.

Later that night, Belle and I have dinner with Hayden and her parents and then we go to the movies. I'm grateful that Hayden doesn't mention what happened at work, not that I thought he would. He seems a little more like himself since he saw Georgia and also since Caleb was home a few days ago. Jesse Carpenter really seems determined to make me feel welcome, even if it's only an act. But it's obvious Belle's mom is counting the days till I'm out of their life.

I know I've been quiet tonight. I can't help it. I've had a lot on my mind since graduation and now the run in with my dad earlier has taken its toll. When we get home to the Carpenter's it's after 10:00. I park the truck in the driveway, and Belle and I sit quietly with the windows down and her head on my shoulder.

Finally, I take a deep breath and say, "I think that we should see other people."

Belle looks at me with a bemused smile and says, "Okay."

I stare back at her and finally she says, "I'm waiting for the punchline."

"There's no punchline." I tell her, taking another deep breath. "I'm serious. I think that... at least until I get back...we should break up."

"I don't... I don't understand." She says, her voice at the breaking point.

"Listen to me. This isn't about us." I reason. "I love you just as much as I always have, but you're going to be a senior in high school. You're going to be homecoming queen and prom queen and have all these big moments and I don't want you to resent me because you're doing them alone. So, we can just break up and you can see other people and then when I get back, we can see where we are."

"See where we are?" She asks frantically.

"Well, things will be different when we're both in college. I mean, even though you'll be in Georgia at Wesleyan and I'll probably be at Ole Miss, we can make plans. We can meet at home or in Tuscaloosa with Georgia or you can come to me or I can come there. But for this year, I'll get like three or four leaves is all, and I won't get to plan those around times that are important. I'll be at their mercy and so will you and you'll miss all the important stuff. I don't want that for you. I've had an amazing year with you, and I just want the same for you."

"So, you want me to see other people?" She says, her voice rising, and I think she's probably about to cry.

"Well no, but I don't want you to be alone for all of these things either."

"And you? You on leave in South Carolina or at Camp LeJeune or wherever you end up; are you telling me that you want me to see other people but you're not going to see other people?"

"Yes. I have no plans or intentions of seeing other people." I argue.

"So, you have no plans or intentions of seeing other people." She says. "So, that means that when some slutty blonde hits on you in your officer and a gentleman outfit, you're not intending to do anything about it, but you know what they say about good intentions!"

"I told you, this is about you. I don't want to see other people."

"You just want me to see other people?" She says and then she starts to cry.

"I'm sorry. I didn't expect this to be a big thing." I say reaching for her, but she shakes me off.

"Don't touch me! I have other people to see!" She screeches, opening the door.

"Belle, I didn't do this to hurt you. I was trying to help..."

"Go to hell!" She screams racing across the lawn. I go after her, but she slams the door before I can reach her and the last thing I want to do is get into it with her parents. Instead, I get in the truck and start toward Hayden's. I feel like I need some words of wisdom tonight and in this particular instance, he's the one most likely to have them.

Carson

I hate telling Torie goodbye at the end of the night. Every time a date ends, I know we're that much closer to me going to school. I have to report to football camp the first week of August. I can already feel the inevitability of the end of us coming.

I kiss her goodnight for the fifth or sixth time and finally start back for the car. She watches me walk away for a minute which I know because I keep looking back at her. Finally, she waves one last time and then she goes inside, and I get in my car, just as my phone beeps to signal a message.

I read it, roll my eyes, and then start driving. I pull into the end of the road and stop, killing the lights and waiting. After a few minutes, I see a shadow darting out of the woods and then my car door opens and Belle climbs in.

"It certainly took you long enough." She says, sniffling.

"I'm sorry. I was at Torie's. Besides, when you text someone at midnight and ask them to come get you because you've snuck out of the house, you are kind of at their mercy." I whisper, driving away from her house and turning the lights on when I hit the highway.

"Don't get high and mighty with me. How many times have you called me in the middle of the night with a crisis that you needed to talk to me about?"

"Twice I think." I answer irritably. "But that's not the point. What's wrong?"

"Max just broke up with me." She says and then she starts wailing.

"He did not. Max loves you. He's going to marry you!" I argue.

"Well he wants to... see other people while he's in the marines!" She sobs.

"He said he wanted to see other people?" I ask in disbelief.

"Well... he wants me to see other people, but that's clearly just an excuse so he can see other people too!" She cries.

"Tell me exactly what he said."

"He said, that I'm going to be a senior and homecoming queen and prom queen and he doesn't want me to resent him because I have to go to all of that stuff by myself, so he wants us to break up until he gets back and then we can... see where we are!" She says between big gulping sobs.

"Belle, this is the same conversation that everyone is having or will have in the next few weeks. Torie and I have already agreed that when I go to Grambling we're not going to hold each other to anything. If somewhere down the line it works out we'll see each other and if not, we won't. It's part of growing up."

"But that's different." She says tearfully.

"Why is that different?"

"Because you and Torie are just temporary. Max and I were supposed to be forever!" She says, sobbing. Finally, I pull over on the side of the road, without any idea where else to go, and wait while she cries.

"I'm sorry for what I said about you and Torie." She says tremulously.

"It's okay. Everyone knows you and Max are couple snobs."

"What?" She says indignantly.

I laugh and say, "You heard me. You and Max, and Hayden and Georgia, are couple snobs. You think that you've got these epic love stories that the rest of us can't possibly grasp. Caleb and I talked about it when he was here a few days ago."

She crosses her arms in a pout and won't speak for a long time, so I crank the car and start back toward her parents' house, but she reaches over and stops me, so I pull over again.

"You're right. I do think that... about Hayden and Georgia and about us. I mean, I thought we were like Hayden and Georgia, but maybe we're not. Maybe we're just... like a sequel."

"Like a sequel?"

"Yes. You know how in the sequel you've got the main characters' brother or sister or blond cousin, but it's always a sad imitation of the original. Maybe that's all we are." She says, beginning to cry again.

"You're not a sad imitation of the original. And the reason that you and Max are couple snobs is because you're not like the rest of us. And you'll work this out. One way or the other." I say reassuringly.

She sits silently again and just as I'm about to start driving she says, "You should kiss me."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. Max is jealous of you. He wants me to see other people. So, kiss me. Maybe he's right and there is something there that we don't see, or that we don't want to see. Maybe I do want to see other people."

"Belle, you don't want me to kiss you." I argue.

"Just do it!" She says angrily.

I groan and lean across the front seat. She meets me halfway and our lips touch... and nothing.

"Okay, so that's not the problem." She says leaning back in the seat.

"I told you that a year ago." I say irritably. "You're a great girl, but you're Max's. I think of you basically like I do Caity and Celia."

"Well, I had a crush on Hayden for most of my life, so I won't say I think of you like a brother, but... maybe like him now." She says, laughing ruefully. "I'm sorry about this."

I shake my head. "It's fine. Don't tell Torie. We're not officially seeing other people yet."

"I won't." She says.

"Are you okay to go home?"

"I am. Thanks for this Carson. I know you've never exactly wanted me to be with Max."

"What makes you say that? I mean, I know I discouraged it when he didn't know about me helping you with the baby, but other than that I never had a problem with you." I argue.

"But he told me once that you always told him he didn't have a chance with me. Why would you tell him that? I mean, Max was one of the cutest, most popular guys in school. He could have had a chance with anyone."

I think on it for a minute and finally admit the truth. "I guess I knew that you were going to change things. I knew that if he dated some random Gator Babe it wouldn't mean anything, and everything would stay the same. But if he dated you, you'd matter and that would change him... and us."

She nods. "Well, I'm glad he didn't listen to you about me. And I'm glad that you've forgiven me, and that, after everything, you are my friend."

"So am I. And for the record, Max is crazy if he thinks he can handle you seeing other people. This is just a bump in the road and you'll be over it before you know what's what."

I drop Belle off and watch her sneak back around her house to go in through the basement. Then I type out another text, wait for the response and then take off again.

I pull in a few minutes later at Hayden's and find Max and him on the boat dock.

"Hey, what brings you by tonight?" Hayden says, though I can tell by his voice that he has a pretty good idea.

"Belle called me." I answer.

"Of course, she did." Max said morosely.

Hayden claps him on the back and says, "Well, I'm getting too old for this so I'm going to leave you two to solve this problem alone. I have to be at work early tomorrow."

"It's Saturday. I thought we were off." Max asks.

"You're off. I've got work to finish up. Just one of the perks that come with being the boss." He teases, before heading back to the boat and leaving us alone.

"Are you feeling at all like you might want to beat the hell out of me tonight?" I ask, when Hayden is gone.

"I don't think so." He answers.

"Okay, Belle and I kissed." I blurt and then quickly add, "It was just a test. She says you still think that I have something for her, so it was just a kiss to prove you wrong and it was as exciting as kissing Caity or Celia."

"I'm not sure why, but I think I'm offended by that remark." Max says angrily. "I mean Belle is the most beautiful girl in the world. Why would you possibly not want to kiss her?"

I give him a long sideways look and he says, "You know what I mean."

"Belle is a sweet, beautiful girl... but she's your sweet, beautiful girl. What were you thinking?"

"I just thought..." He sighs. "I thought that if I let her see other people it wouldn't hurt as bad when she... decides she wants to see other people. I mean, she could have anyone in school. It was one thing when I was here. I was popular. I was a football star. But when I'm gone and she's here, she's going to want a date for all those big events. And if she doesn't, her mom is going to insist that she does. I thought if I told her to do it, it wouldn't hurt as bad when she did."

"I think you're wrong. I think she's going to spend this whole year pining for you the same way you will her. It's inevitable."

He looks away and says, "I don't want her to be miserable."

"Well... too bad. The thing is, she's going to be miserable when you leave, but you've just made her miserable already. You have four more days together. Why take that away from her; From yourself?"

We sit silently for a minute, and he finally says, "I miss you. What happened to us?"

I shrug. "We grew up. You got Belle."

"That's not it. You're the one who started telling my girlfriend your deep, dark secrets."

I think on it for a minute and finally say, "You left me for her. I know that's stupid and immature, but that's how I felt. Like you chose her over me. I stopped trusting you. That's why we didn't win state. I used to know that when I released the ball, you'd be there; just like I knew you'd be there in life. But then she became the person you were there for, and I stopped expecting you to be there for me in the end-zone or the rest of the time. I stopped trusting you to tell me the truth anymore. She, on the other hand, tells me the truth. Even when I don't want to hear it."

"I'm jealous."

"I told you that there's nothing..."

"I'm jealous of you. You're my best friend. You listened to Torie and totally changed your life. You talk to Belle about stuff that you don't talk to me about. Even Fisher seems to be with you all the time. We were like brothers and I got a girlfriend, and not only did I lose you, but I lost you to her. That's just sick."

"You didn't lose me to her. I'm still your best friend. But you've got her, and Hayden, and Avery... you went through all of that with her and you never told me a thing. It was the same time that mom was getting married. I needed to be the most important person to someone and I wasn't."

"You will always be my best friend... even if I knock you out; even if you kiss my girlfriend... as long as it's only once."

I nod and stop short of hugging him. He's my best friend and I love him dearly but sitting on a boat dock in the moonlight together is gay enough. We don't need to add a hug to the mix. Instead I do the next best thing. "You want to hear something that no one knows... not even your girlfriend?"

"Sure."

I stare out at the water for a minute, letting the suspense build, savoring the moment before I say, "Prom night? Torie and I..."

"No way." He says, with a shocked smile.

"Yes way. In the guest room at Fisher's. I saw the tattoo for real this time."

"I knew you didn't know it for real the other time." He says, obviously impressed. "Have you done it again?"

"Dude, it's been over a month." I answer with all the swagger of a man who is happy with his place in the world.

"It's been a year and a half, man. Don't go there with me."

We laugh together and high five and for the first time in a long time we feel like best friends again.

"I'm going home. I've got to work early." I say, standing to go.

"I already texted Avery and told him I was sleeping here on the boat. I think I'll stay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll flop on the air mattress. Hayden leaves early. I can sleep in and get some peace and quiet... And figure out how to fix things with Belle."

Belle

It's been twenty-four hours since Max dumped me. He's called and texted me more than a dozen times since just after midnight last night, but I've ignored him. He spent last night at Hayden's and tonight at Avery's boat. He's texted me his whereabouts every few minutes, just in case I want to see him.

It's taken all my strength and resolve, not to mention a well-timed trip to Mobile with mama, to keep me away from him. I figure that now he's been twisting for twenty-four hours. It's time to put him out of his misery.

I find him sitting in the back of his truck reading. I love that he's a football star and a soon-to-be Marine who loves to read. I know his current obsession is biographies of Civil War generals. I think he's still on Jeb Stuart right now.

"I kissed Carson." I say, climbing into the truck bed beside him.

"I heard about that." He says, clearly afraid to say anything else.

"Well, you want me to see other people, so I figured you wouldn't mind."

He sighs. "Belle, I don't want you to see other people. I knocked Carson out for talking to you. I'd like to rip out Fisher's throat every time he looks at you. I don't even like it when you wear Hayden's shirt."

"I told you I don't wear it anymore." I say defensively.

"The point is, that I can't stand the thoughts of you with anyone else. It makes me physically sick. But if that's the sacrifice I have to make to ensure that you'll be here when this is all over, then so be it. It's that saying, 'if you love something set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.'"

"You set me free and I'm back. That means I'm yours." I say, unable to hold back the tears anymore. He reaches for me and pulls me to him, holding me tightly.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened to me. Can we just forget that I ever said that?"

"No." I say angrily. "Because you still don't think that I love you the same way that you love me. You think that you can go to the Marines for a year and miss me and not want anyone else, but as soon as you're gone I'll just plug someone else into your spot. Well I won't. There's no one else for your spot!"

He looks away and the muscle in his jaw twitches before he says, "I don't want to make an excuse, but... I saw my dad yesterday. I was reminded of how easy it was for my mom to walk away and for him to walk away... even for Georgia."

My heart squeezes and I let the last little bit of anger I feel at him go and throw my arms around him, pressing my lips to his neck. "Okay, your parents are monsters. How they had the DNA to produce you and Georgia and then turn out the way they did is beyond me, but it happened. And Georgia didn't leave you and even if she did; even if everyone leaves you, I won't. I love you!"

He kisses me and when his lips touch mine, I forget about being mad at him and I forget that I wanted to make him suffer a little longer. I even forget that in a few days he's leaving and I'm going to completely crumble. I forget everything except how much I love him.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers again, kissing my neck and my shoulder and then back to my lips.

"If you want to break up with me you can. It doesn't change anything. I love you. Only you." I say, still a little weepy.

"I don't. I can't stand to think about you with anyone else." He says, pulling away to look at me. "You're the love of my life Belle. You are part of me."

"I am part of you. And you're part of me." I whisper.

"You're the love of my life too." I say, pulling him down beside me in the truck bed.

He looks at me and says, "Are you sure?"

I nod and say, "All I know is that I can't live without you."

Max Cooper

May 2015

I walk off the field at 5:00 and climb into my truck, drenched from the heat of a May afternoon in Mississippi, waving to some of the boys as I go. Coaching the junior high offense at Oxford HS was one of my clinical assignments during my last fall of college, but I've continued helping-out with them since I graduated. I crank the truck and then pick up my phone. Seeing a missed call from Hayden, I dial and wait till he answers.

"Hey, did you guys just get out of practice?" He asks, and I can tell he's driving.

"Yes. We have two more spring conditioning practices before school gets outs. Then I've got a couple of summer clinics to run." I explain before asking. "I can tell I got you while you're driving. If you're working, you can call me later."

"No, I'm heading home from the coast. I'm about to hit Hwy 180 toward Fort Morgan and catch the ferry. I had to make a delivery over to Ono Island. We were re-landscaping a lawn that is about 10X10 in front of a two-million-dollar house. You know I love my job and I'm thankful that there are people with more money than sense, but when your back yard is the Gulf of Mexico, why is it that important that you have these specific exotic potted palms? But for these people it is. I had a team over there working when the trees came in this afternoon. I knew tomorrow wouldn't be soon enough, so I drove over myself."

"So, what's going on?" I ask, assuming he called for a reason. Hayden and I have a great relationship now. He's more like an older brother to me than anything. But at the same time, he's certainly not the type to make a phone call just to chit chat.

"Well I was just wondering if you had any plans to get home this summer?" He says, and I know he's not speaking on Georgia's behalf, but definitely because he's heard her complain about my absence.

"Well like I said, I've got a lot going on this summer. I've stayed busy subbing and coaching part time this year, but I've got an interview for a permanent position in the fall, and I still want to keep coaching to keep my foot in the door so..."

"So, in other words, you're avoiding Belle?"

"I'm laying low. Surely you can understand why." I say. My life blew up less than a year ago and going home means not only the possibility of running into Belle but coming face to face with her living the life we planned together with someone else.

"I do understand that you've wanted to lay low. But there comes a point, when you have to get back up and move on." Hayden says, not adding that he thinks that time has come and gone, but it's clear in his tone.

"Well maybe I'm just not as gifted as moving on as you were." I say sarcastically. I'm not sure if I'm attempting to remind him that he never moved on when he and Georgia weren't together or if I'm attempting to remind him that he slept with half of Grassland including his best friend's ex in his attempts to look like he'd moved on. In either case, I've made my point known that this is none of his business. Of course, Hayden is married to Georgia and he knows that where I'm concerned, Gigi has her own ideas about what is and isn't her business.

"Look, if you want me to tell you again that you've been royally screwed I will. You want me to tell you that I think Belle made a huge mistake, I will. But the point is, that your life has to go on. And if you're trying to tell me that I did a sucky job of moving on when Coop and I weren't together, you're right. But you're a much better person than me."

I groan inwardly because that's classic Hayden-and-Georgia-speak that translates to their belief that no one else has what they have. But then again, maybe they're right. I always thought that what Belle and I had was even better because it was ours. But now she's marrying someone else, so I guess that's all there is to say.

I pull into the parking space in front of my apartment and finally give in. "Listen, tell Gigi I promise I'll get home at some point this summer okay? Just make sure you'll steer me clear of the happy couple, okay?"

He agrees to keep things clear for me and we say our goodbyes and I head upstairs to my apartment. When I graduated a year ago, I had three more months on my lease and was committed to coach during the summer clinic with the varsity and JV teams, but other than that I was fully planning to move home. Belle had graduated from Wesleyan at the same time as me and had a teaching job at Grassland Elementary lined-up for the fall, and I was talking to the school board about openings for the new school year. It had been our plan all along, but then out of nowhere Belle announced that she had changed her mind, and this wasn't what she wanted anymore. But it turned out it was still exactly what she wanted, only she wanted it with someone else. Even looking back ten months later, I still never saw it coming.

September 2009

I know it sounds sappy, but I've actually loved going through basic training. Of course, I've been homesick and often pushed to my limits, but ultimately, I've exceled and along the way proven myself to myself. I always wanted to do this, but there was always a part of me that heard my father's voice telling me I'd never make it. But here I am, living proof that I have what it takes. But as much as I've relished this opportunity, as I'm poised on the day before my graduation ceremony, I'm more than ready for this day to move along and get me to the Liberty Ceremony.

But before we can be dismissed for on base Liberty with our families, we have to participate in the motivation run and the Battalion Commander's Brief, describing recruit training. But even though I won't be able to see them, I'll know they're here watching me.

I want to focus in on everything that's happening around me. I've worked hard to get to this point and some of these guys in my platoon are like family to me. I want to soak up every minute of these last days on base together. But all I can really think about is that somewhere in the crowds of people there to celebrate with their marine, Belle is waiting to celebrate with me.

When they finally release us, the crowds of people become overwhelming, and I panic a little. I know the plan was for Georgia and Belle to arrive last night and stay in town, and then be here today and tomorrow for all the events. It took much persuasion on Belle's part to get her parents to let her come, and I know it's never easy for Georgia to miss three days of school. I worry that at the last minute they weren't able to get away, or that worse, they had trouble traveling alone all that way from home. But then I see them, waving excitedly in their gold-tee-shirts that signify my battalion. The next thing I know I'm greeting them both and it's a blur of excitement at seeing the two most important people in the world.

"Look at my baby." Georgia says with tears in her eyes. "I can't believe how old you look. How did this happen?"

I shake my head and look at Belle, who smiles shyly with tears in her eyes as well, but she remains silent. I squeeze her arm and then release it, wishing we could hold hands but it's against the rules on base. Georgia tells me about their trip as we start the tour of the depot. I have five hours on-base liberty with them today. Then graduation in the morning and ten day's leave before I begin the school of infantry at Camp Geiger in North Carolina.

I regale them with stories of training and duties, especially about the dreaded Crucible. The Crucible is a test every recruit must pass in order to graduate. It tests your abilities physically, mentally and morally. It takes place over 54-hours and includes food and sleep deprivation and over 45 miles of marching.

"You take it in the eleventh week and once you cross the drill instructors bridge, you gather on the parade deck around the Iwo Jima Memorial. The flag is raised, and the chaplain prays. Then our DI presented us with our insignia and called us Marines for the first time."

Georgia's face is alight with pride and Belle looks like she's going to cry again.

"I love that your battalion colors are gold. You still look like a Gator." Georgia teases as we make our way toward the picnic area. There are places to eat on base, but we decided that we'd rather have a picnic and the chance to talk easier with less people around. The base is really beautiful and such a historic landmark. I want to show them everything and we don't have all that long.

"Carson is sick that he couldn't come with us. He had a game this week, but he is dying to talk to you as soon as you get off base tomorrow. And Hayden and Claire and Avery... everyone is so excited and so proud of you." Georgia gushes as we take our place at the picnic table and she and Belle begin to unpack the food they got on their way in this morning.

Through lunch Georgia and I carry the conversation with Belle only chiming in for one or two-word responses. As we start to finish eating Georgia excuses herself, claiming poor reception and a desire to send pictures to Hayden and Claire. The moment she's gone Belle launches herself into my arms so suddenly it almost knocks me off the bench.

"Oh, my God you look so wonderful and I've missed you so much! I thought this day would never get here and then there are all these people around and Georgia around and all I wanted was just to be alone, so I could tell you how much I love you and how proud I am of you and..." She stops in rush and pulls away quickly. "Oh no, I'm going to get you in trouble! I read all the stuff about proper PDA when you're in uniform and look at me. I'm such a mess."

I smile, flooded with relief, and assure her. "You're the most beautiful mess anyone has ever seen. And don't worry. No one is around. And just think, tomorrow we will be on our way home together for ten days."

She nods, her eyes swimming in tears again. "I'm sorry. I'm so proud of you and I want to be supportive, but I'm dreading it ending already." She shakes her head. "Don't listen to me. I'm being a big old whiney baby."

"I am listening, and I couldn't agree more. We both know how tough it's going to be, but we'll make it. Thirteen weeks down, thirty-nine more to go. We'll get ten more days together at Christmas, and we'll be almost to the half way point then. After we survive this, college, with a state in between us, will be a breeze."

Belle

For quite some time now, I've been inarguably convinced that Max is the most beautiful man on earth, but Max in his Marine uniform is perhaps the most desirable creature who has ever lived. I'm certain I blushed when he informed me that this was just his service uniform and that he would get a dress blue uniform later. Just the thought of it is almost too much for me.

Immediately after graduation, we left base in Georgia's car. She graciously allowed Max to drive and me to sit in the front seat, but still we were unable to even kiss with her in the car. We went to lunch in town and then got on the road for home, stopping at the halfway point in Columbus, GA for dinner and to stay the night.

All of Max's steely discipline and restraint from before seems to be out the window now and he pulls me into his room without so much as an explanation to Georgia. I worry briefly what she'll think about me, but the second I'm in Max's arms at last, I immediately dismiss my worries. She's Georgia of Hayden and Georgia. Surely, she's the last person who will be judgmental.

I walk into mine and Georgia's room after an extended good night with Max feeling the weight of the world has been removed from my shoulders. She immediately inundates me with questions. "Is he okay? He seems okay. I mean, he looks good... older, but good, doesn't he?"

I smile and nod, sinking down onto my bed. "I knew I'd missed him, but seeing him... I realized I'd been holding my breath for thirteen weeks. I kept thinking, what if he's changed? What if he doesn't love me anymore?"

"What if they turned the sweetest guy on planet earth into a heartless killing machine?" She adds.

"Exactly!" I reply. "Were you that way when Hayden came out of prison? I mean, of course you were. I know I was."

"Yes. I wish he were here. He and Max haven't always had the best relationship, but he's really come through for Max a lot of times. I know he wanted to be here." She says, shaking her head. "It's so stupid. What does his parole officer think? He's going to just skip the country? His whole life is in Grassland."

I look at her, his reason for living, and say. "Come on Georgia. His whole life is you."

"No." She says, shaking her head, but smiling. "There was a time when that was true, but not anymore. He's got his land and his business; not to mention his ever-expanding family and his work with the kids in the church league football team. He's made a home and a life for himself there. That's good thing."

I sigh and say, "That all sounds so complicated. I just want Max. Right now, he is everything to me, and... I feel like his world is getting bigger, and it scares me."

"You're seventeen. Your world is going to get huge and... then it really gets complicated. But I'm betting on you two." She smiles and then says, "You know I wouldn't have said anything about it if you had stayed with Max."

I smile and nod. "Yeah, that's what Max said. But I just can't shake those expectations of a 'good girl'."

"I know. I hated when I thought Avery or Caleb knew Hayden and I had been together. And I tried so hard to keep Max from knowing which is stupid because he slept right down the hall. Of course, I was never plagued with the 'good girl' moniker."

"You're a good girl." I argue.

"Well... it never really mattered if I was or wasn't. In the eyes of people, like your dad for instance, I wasn't. My jeans were too tight, and my boobs were too big, and I lived in a trailer, and my dad was a drunk, and I dated known-trouble-maker Hayden Nichols. But, I really wasn't a good girl. I mean, the first time we were together was in October before Hayden turned fifteen in November and before I did in January. And there was never the typical teenage... he tried and tried and tried and I finally gave in scenario. He said, 'do you want to' and I said, 'of course'. We were Hayden and Georgia – whatever we did, we did together. And I won't lie and be sanctimonious and act like I didn't want to. I mean, I had all the normal hormones and I liked the kissing and the other stuff. And it stood to reason that anything that people made that big a deal about was something worth trying, right?"

I laugh and nod, thinking back to thirteen weeks ago, when Max and I finally did again. I felt like there was so much that I'd missed before, but I was determined to find out if it was worth all the hype. Turns out... it was better.

Georgia continues, "But more than anything, it was about the way he looked at me; afterwards more than before. I'd have done anything for that look... I still would. I think, that even then, it was that look that always let me know that it would work out; that even though he was a selfish, reckless, walking hormone at that moment, someday he'd grow into that look that he gave me... and I think he is, everyday he's growing into it. Max looks at you like that."

I've been on such a roller coaster these last few weeks and tonight is no different. A moment ago, I was laughing, and now I have tears in my eyes because I want so much to earn that look from Max and I want Georgia to find me worthy of it. Finally, I can't hold it back anymore. I say, "Why don't you think that I love Max? Why doesn't anyone believe that I love him every bit as much as he loves me?"

She looks away and I know she's feeling guilty, but she looks back and says, "Because you are a good girl. And losing your virginity in the front seat of a truck is not something you ever thought you'd do. So, I guess I've always worried that maybe you thought you had to love Max, so it would make you doing something so out of character okay."

"Nothing could be farther from the truth." I say, thinking angrily of how much I had tried to make my feelings for Max not mean anything. "The last thing I wanted was to love Max. It makes it all so tragic. If I'd just known that he was going to be the love of my life, I wouldn't have lost my virginity in the front seat of the truck. We'd have dated like normal and we'd have planned a nice romantic first time and been prepared. I wouldn't have been so desperate to prove myself that I lied to him about birth control. I never would have hurt him so much and now... I live with that every time I look at him. Believe me when I say that the last thing I want to see; every single time I look into the eyes of the man that I love, are the eyes of the person that I made the biggest mistake of my life with!"

She tries to hug me, and I resist at first, but she's bigger than me and the reality is that I need a hug, so I finally give in.

"I'm so sorry." She says, and I believe her. "I spend so much time trying to protect Max that I never stop to think about this from your side. It's because he loved you for so long."

"No, he didn't." I snap, interrupting her. "He didn't even know me. He was devoted to a pair of legs and an auburn ponytail tumbling down the sidelines. And that devotion to an illusion is what scared me away from him for so long. Because I'd always been loved for my performance... for being good, and thin, and a winner; never for the real me. And he didn't know the real me either. Not until that night; till our first time. And what you said about Hayden looking at you differently; I know exactly what you mean because Max looked at me the same way. He looked at me like I was his; to protect and cherish. And I didn't deserve that look. I still don't know that I deserve that look, but I love him so much that I don't even care anymore. I just want to do whatever it takes to make sure that he keeps looking at me like that forever."

"He will." She says, soothingly. "And you do deserve it. That's why I'm betting on you two."

I let her hug me and I let her words sooth out my ragged nerves. But deep down I wonder if I do deserve it. And I wonder if I'll ever stop worrying about how much it will destroy me when he realizes that I don't; how much it will destroy us both.

Fisher

July 2010

I've never exactly understood the concept of a home town. Since I was old enough to remember, the most constant thing in my life has been "new"; new cities, new schools, new houses, new people, new dad's-girlfriends; some trying to fill the void left by my flaky mom while others just wished I wasn't part of the equation. My dad is what I like to call a "serial-settler". Wherever we're at... he's home. He buys a house, meets a woman, has friends and favorite haunts. For me it's never been that easy; until Grassland.

Grassland for all its anachronisms and idiosyncrasies has become my home town. Dad has since moved on to Bloomington, Indiana and a house with an indoor swimming pool, but after coming here to this backwater town, kicking and screaming, I ended up staying in Alabama. I'm not college material which is a source of discontent with dad and me. Instead I'm working in Foley at the Municipal Airport doing everything from running the terminal to servicing engines to taxiing planes around the airfield. This summer I've stayed busy flying banner-planes along the coast. Spending the day flying low over the gulf coast and getting paid to do it, not to mention logging more flight hours, is not the worst way to pass the time. As a matter of fact, I really sort of love it.

But tonight, I'm back in Grassland for a welcome home party. As unlikely as it is that I found a home in this particular town, it's equally unlikely that I became friends with these guys. Carson is a college level Quarterback; Max is a marine... and I'm a pacifist. Football and flying were the two things I've always loved and been great at. And these guys came with Grassland football or maybe Grassland football came with these guys. Either way they're a huge part of my life now and even though they didn't get me a state ring, they're still two of the best friends anyone ever had.

I walk down the lawn toward Hayden's boat to the sounds of some god-awful country music playing and the smell of steaks on the grill. I've heard that Hayden's new land is some of the most prime real-estate around but seeing it first-hand truly does it justice. He's a good guy and I'm happy to see him catch a break.

I come over the gentle rolling lawn and catch my first glimpse of my friends. Torie is wrapped around Carson like some sort of sexy-slinky. I guess her saying that they were taking a "break" while he was at school was in fact just a break and not a break-up because right now you couldn't get daylight between them. Max and Belle, as usual, are in their own little love-bubble, and Hayden and Georgia are manning the grill and visiting with Claire, Avery, Caity, Celia and Andy, who is now a little cotton-topped toddler, as well as Hayden's friend Caleb, who I've met maybe once or twice before. I'm shocked to see that even Belle's dad is here, although as usual her mom is conspicuously absent.

"I don't believe it! It's the clean-marine back from the wars!" I say, watching everyone turn to greet me.

"Fisher Barnes. I was afraid you wouldn't make it." Max says, giving me high five and then I get a hug from Belle, who by all indications is positively giddy to have her boy home.

I study my friend critically. I'm not a fan of the whole "Semper Fi" mentality and I've seen too many guys with tendencies toward violence and fighting join the Marines and come home as professional Neanderthals whose only acceptable emotions are anger and aggression. Max grew up with a tough home life and it wouldn't have been surprising to see the marines bring that out in him, but as far as I can see he's still the same laid-back easy-going guy he always was, if a little more toned and buff. And clearly more devoted to Belle, if that's possible.

"So how is college football, superstar?" I ask Carson. He answers with typical self-effacing humility. If he wasn't my friend, I'd probably hate him since self-effacing and humility are not words that one would ever use in close proximity to me.

I haven't seen much more of Carson since graduation than Max. But by all accounts, he's making good grades and playing well. The big question is whether he'll get the start this year or they'll stay with the tried and true senior. The smart money is on Carson, but we're all waiting to see.

The five of us end up in the water, as we did a year ago, when we were celebrating graduation, and within a minute, we're all talking just like old times.

"What the hell is Wesleyan College?" I ask as Belle grimaces.

"It's purgatory. It's as close to a convent and as far away from Max as my mom can get. Not to mention that it's her alma mater so there's no other option. For the next four years of my life I will be surrounded by boring girls who actually don't mind the fact that there are no boyfriends or boyfriend prospects."

"That doesn't sound bad to me at all. See, your mom and I finally agree on something." Max teases, kissing her but pulling away quickly; ever mindful that Jesse Carpenter is just at the grill talking to Hayden, Avery and Caleb, but always keeping an eye toward his daughter.

"You know what I mean. I'd much rather be at Ole Miss with you." She argues.

"So why can't Max just go to some nearby school in Georgia?" Torie asked logically.

"Because I have scholarships for being in ROTC and Ole Miss is the closest school with Marine ROTC." He explains.

"So, is the money for school really worth the year you spent in the Marines?" I ask.

"Absolutely. Between the ROTC scholarship..."

"Which he got because of his GPA as well as being a Marine." Belle interrupts proudly.

He grins and says, "Between that scholarship and the grants and discounts I get from the Military, and the money I make from the reserves, I will graduate debt free."

"I wish I would be graduating debt free." Torie says. "I'm going to University of Florida on an academic scholarship, but I'll still owe a gazillion dollars by the time I pay fees and books and dorms and everything."

I don't understand Torie's situation. Even though there are six kids in her family, I feel like things should be easier for her. I know her father is a successful cardiologist. He's still in demand in Mobile, Montgomery and Birmingham. He's lives in Grassland and works out of Mobile, and just travels to Birmingham when needed. He's that good, that they'll let him do that.

"It's all good. QB here's gonna go to the draft and then he'll take care of all of us." I tease, but Carson looks uncomfortable.

"You're not really going to the draft, are you?" Belle asks.

He shrugs. "I don't think it'll do any good, but I mean... who wouldn't want it, if they could get it?"

"Me." I say and Max echoes me with a "Me" of his own and then we high five, because we both know we'd jump at the chance to do what he's doing.

Georgia calls us all to eat and we all scramble to the table for steaks and roasted potatoes. We're all sitting around eating, with Hayden, Georgia and Caleb as well as the parents chiming in occasionally when something occurs to me.

"So, am I right when I say that out of the five of us, I'm the only one who's actually staying in Grassland now that we've all graduated?"

"Well... we plan to come back here..." Max says and Belle nods while the other two shrug, since they obviously have no such plans.

I nod and continue eating, thinking to myself... it's weird moving all the time, but it's not fun to be the one who gets left behind either.

Max

August 2010

We pull into the driveway, I put my truck in park and Belle slides across the seat and into my arms. Since I got home in July her parents have lightened up a little on her curfew. I see the curtain upstairs move ever so slightly, and I know it's probably her dad; but he's really been making an effort with me, so I have with him too.

After being apart for most of last year, our summer together has passed by too quickly. I was home for ten days at Christmas and New Year's, and ten more days in the spring which luckily... after a lot of manipulation on my part... coincided with Belle's prom. But I was still in my Military Occupational Specialty at Camp LeJeune in North Carolina with no leave remaining when it came time for graduation, so I was unable to see Belle's high school or Georgia's college ceremonies.

Since I got home in July we've been together as much as possible, more aware than ever how quickly time together passes and how vital it is to surviving the long separations.

And now it's time to endure another goodbye. I'm leaving for Oxford tomorrow and Belle is leaving two days later for Macon. While it won't be as restrictive as it was when I was in service, we're still going to be in schools with over six hours of driving time between us.

"So, what are you thinking?" I finally ask.

"That we should elope, so my parents couldn't stop me from going to school with you."

"That's a great idea." I tease, kissing her forehead. "Then they'll hate me forever instead of maybe just until I actually graduate from school and make something of myself."

"I love you, but my mom will never stop hating you. She hates Hayden just because my daddy loves him. She hates Georgia, which is stupid because she doesn't care about Hayden so why should she care who Hayden loves? I think she hates me and daddy just because we dare to try and love her and each other. And it doesn't matter what we do or what we become, she will hate you because I love you."

"Well I've got news for her. It'll take a lot more than her hating me to scare me away. I'm in this for the long haul." I say truthfully.

She's quiet for a minute, but finally says. "You're serious, aren't you? I mean, you do plan to get married... to me, someday, right?"

There's something in her tone that says more than her words. I'm not sure that it's fear exactly, but it makes me uncomfortable.

"I do." I answer. "But I guess that all depends on you."

"There's nothing I want more in the world than to marry you and be with you forever." She whispers, her voice thick with tears. She turns her head and her lips find mine and as usual once we're kissing it doesn't take much for us to both want more.

"We can't do this." I say, breaking away from her. "Your parents are right upstairs, and your dad has already looked out the window once."

"I don't care." She says defiantly. "I'm so tired of feeling like I have to hide the biggest parts of my life. Maybe I should just let them catch us and let the chips fall where they may."

"Hmmm. You're not the one your father will castrate should that happen... although I like to think my castration would hurt you almost as much as me." I tease, trying to lighten her mood but realizing it's done no good so I change tactics. "If you want me to, I will walk in there with you right now and tell your parents everything. Facing them can't be any harder for you than carrying around the guilt of them not knowing what happened to you."

"For me, maybe. But it would kill them... especially my dad. And he's really getting to where he likes you. He seriously respects your military service and that you're putting yourself through school. I don't want to disappoint him in either of us."

"Well if that's the case then you probably need to go inside. The curtains just moved again." I say lightly although it's starting to sink in that we're about to say goodbye... again.

"I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow." She says tearfully. "I've just gotten used to having you home with me and now you're leaving and I'm leaving. I'm not ready for this."

"Listen to me." I promise her. "This won't be like the marines. We will see each other all the time. We'll come home on long weekends and for all the holidays. We can meet in Tuscaloosa at Gigi's. It's a four-hour drive there for you and three for me. And we can FaceTime and talk on the phone and text. It'll be way better."

She nods, but she looks so sad and scared that I doubt my own resolve and decide I don't care how many times her dad looks out the window, so I kiss her again... long and lingering this time and she clings to me. For one brief moment, I decide that maybe eloping together isn't the worst idea in the world.

But then I think about how hard I've worked... how hard Georgia and I both have worked to be more than those trailer park kids we were raised as. I kiss her gently and pull away from her.

"I know that, for you, this college thing is just one more of the expectations that your parents have put on you. But no one ever expected anything from me... no one, but Georgia and me. I have to do this."

"I know you do." Belle says sadly. "I just wish we could do it together."

Dana

"So, are you all packed?" I ask, looking around the corner to find Belle washing her face and moisturizing; her skin care routine has been instilled in her since fifth grade.

"I think daddy put the last load in the suburban a few minutes ago." She answers without looking at me.

Even a new Suburban for graduation isn't enough to end the silent treatment my daughter has been waging against me since... well since longer than I can remember.

"Are you absolutely sure you don't want daddy and me to go with you and help you get moved in?"

"No, I'll be fine. You drove me for orientation last month to be sure I knew the route. Daddy has given me the list of approved stops along the way." She says, breezing past me and toward her bedroom.

I follow her down the hall and into her bedroom, not waiting for an invitation and sit down on her bed. She's already got her back turned and her phone in hand... undoubtedly texting Max Cooper to discuss how much she hates me.

"Belle, I want a promise from you." I demand.

"A promise? You've chosen my college; as far away from my boyfriend and my life as you can get, and you never once allowed me to have an opinion about it. Now you want a promise, too?"

"Belle, stop being an overly dramatic brat. We've had Wesleyan selected since before you were born. It's where I went and where your grandmother went before me. It is a good place for you to find your way in the world without the pressures that come from boys and romance and hormones." I remind her, wondering what became of the level-headed girl who used to be my daughter.

"Yes mom. And I used to agree with that. But Max is part of my way in the world. I'm not being influenced by romance and hormones. Why can't you accept that he is the one for me?"

"Because he's not." I insist. "I'm sorry Belle, but I've raised you to expect better in the world than Max Cooper. I raised you to be a competitor, a champion... not to marry some future- washed-up-football player in some small town that lives, breathes and eats football."

"That's it! I'm not going tomorrow!" She says angrily. "I will sit out a semester and get a job and move out, and then reapply for financial aid in the spring when I'm living on my own. Between that and my grades, I can probably get enough scholarships and loans to go to Ole Miss with Max, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"Annabelle Joy you will do no such thing!" I say, hearing my own voice going icy cold.

"Why not? If you're never even going to pretend to support me and Max, why should I play your stupid power games so that four years from now we can be having this same fight?"

I take a deep steadying breath and remind myself of what I started to say in the first place. "Listen to me. I asked you for a promise and here it is. Promise me, that you will go to Wesleyan and give it your all; make friends, get involved, do everything we always planned that you would do before Max Cooper became the sole purpose of your existence. If... IF you will do that, then I will try to support you and Max, should he remain a part of your life."

Belle studies me for a minute and finally says, "I will promise you that, but I want an answer first."

My spine stiffens but I nod, waiting for my daughter to ask her question and wondering when she became a woman with a gaze of steel instead of a girl who could barely make eye-contact with me.

"Why did you get married to daddy, and try so hard to have me, and agree to take-in foster kids when it is so obvious that you never wanted to be in this town, much less in this life?"

I level my gaze on my daughter and I shake my head. "Belle, that is a ridiculous question. I made a choice to live my life and this is the way my life has played out. It's that simple."

Belle gives me a disapproving look and says, "I guess it is. Now I have to go to bed. My super-exciting college experience begins tomorrow."

I walk out without another word and close her door, leaning my head against it and asking myself, when did I become jealous of my own daughter?

Belle

I walk into Wortham Hall on Freshman move-in day with my shoulders slumped in defeat. Starting college is supposed to be a great thing; your first steps into adulthood. But as an adult, shouldn't I have chosen where I wanted to be? Instead I'm just as much under my mother's control as I ever was.

I board the elevator and drive my cart loaded with my stuff down the hall to my suite. It's recommended in all the orientation literature that you schedule several phone calls with your roommate before you arrive so that you can get to know one another, but I haven't done it. Because basically I haven't really cared about the person who, for all intents and purposes, will be my cellmate and fellow hostage. Instead, I open the door to the common room of our suite and pass through the nondescript surroundings and then open the door to my double room.

"Hi I'm Lilly Etheridge." She says, bounding off the bed and across the room to embrace me before I can avoid it. "I hope you don't mind, but I Facebook stalked you, so I could have a visual image. Is that marine in your profile picture your boyfriend? My God he's gorgeous! All the guys on your Facebook page are gorgeous; the one with the long hair and the serious eyes, and the one with the killer dimple, and the short one with the insane body. I took one look at those pictures and said, 'I've never even heard of Grassland, Alabama but I definitely want to go there!' I'm eighteen years old and I come from Decatur, Georgia. I'm majoring in communications, I've never had a boyfriend and after my last birthday my grandmother, who raised me, started to refer to me as a future old-maid."

I smile in spite of myself and realize it's going to be really hard to hate her.

"Belle Carpenter. Yes, the marine is my boyfriend, Max; the most wonderful, amazing, breathtaking boyfriend in all the world and I warn you in advance that I am going to whine and mope and gnash my teeth because I miss him so much and you're going to hate my guts before the week is out and want to kill me."

"I'll take it under advisement." She teases, reaching for one of my bags and helping me unload my cart. "I haven't really done anything yet because I wanted to be sure you weren't one of those Feng Sui people who care about which way your bed is facing."

"Either one is fine." I answer truthfully, taking in the 16X20 space. The walls are completely bare, but I imagine that Lilly will have her stamp of personality all over this place before we can turn around twice. She's an absolutely adorable black girl; shorter than me with sleek, short hair styled like Halle Berry's and a warm smile that matches her big personality. I can absolutely see her exceling in a career in communications.

"So, since the gorgeous marine is your boyfriend, tell me which one of the other guys from your picture you're going to fix me up with."

I laugh. "Well, the one with the long hair is my almost-brother and he's practically engaged to Max's sister Georgia... she's the tall brunette with the killer body."

"Oh yes, there were several pictures of her wrapped around him, weren't there?"

I nod and smile. "And the one with the dimple is Max's best friend Carson. He's the newly promoted starting quarterback at Grambling and he's dating... off again/on again... the Latino girl with the purple streak in her hair; but she lost the purple before going to the University of Florida. Fisher is the one with the insane body and it's more insane in person. He's a pilot and single, but there's a distinct possibility he's gay."

"With that body and my luck, I'd believe it."

We unpack and choose our desks and beds and I'm starting to feel more settled and less blue. We come back from the dining hall where we had dinner followed by residence-hall- orientation and find that our other six suitemates have arrived. We all get to know one another and discuss décor preferences for the common room. My phone signals a text, and I check it, not surprised to see that it's from Max.

I am however curious about the simple message that says, "Go outside."

I excuse myself and go downstairs, expecting him to do something romantic like tell me to pick a star and then look at it and remember that he's looking at the same star too. So, imagine my surprise when I walk out of my dorm and see a familiar truck parked across the street, and an even more familiar guy leaning casually against it.

I race across the lawn and fling myself into his arm. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Oxford! I'm so happy to see you, but..."

"Shhh." He says, putting his finger to my lips and then kissing me to silence my questions. "I just wanted to show you how different the next four-years are going to be from the last year. Anytime we can't stand it, we can just get in the car and drive to each other and be there in a very, short six-and-a-half-hours."

"I love you so much." I say wrapping my arms tightly around him. "I can't believe you did this for me."

"Well... it's not like I didn't do it for me too. I missed you like mad already and I sort of hated to think about you being somewhere that I don't know. I can't picture you here if I've never been."

"Okay, well I'll be in Oxford tomorrow night for the official tour." I say, climbing into his truck after he opens the door for me.

"Wait at least a week for that. Gas isn't cheap after all and I'm betting your mom checks your mileage."

I nod and direct him off campus and out into town, although I've only been here once. We drive around for an hour and talk, stop for ice cream and then come back to the dorm at just after ten.

"This is crazy. You're not going to get back to school until almost 5 in the morning. Are you even awake?"

"I passed the Crucible." He says proudly, and I grin despite myself. "I've got this babe."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He answers softly, kissing me slowly and thoroughly. "It'll suck, but it was well worth it."

"I've never loved anyone more... no one has ever loved anyone more than I love you." I say truthfully.

"Okay, before I go, I need a favor." He says, adding, "Not actually a favor; more like a promise."

"A promise?" I say, recalling my conversation the night before with my mother.

"Yes. I know that you're going to miss me and I'm going to miss you and it's going to be hellish, not being together for four years. But for the time that you're here, the time that you have to be away from me, I want you to promise me that you're going to throw yourself into this 100%. I want you to make good grades, and make friends, and be in clubs and ride horses, and anything else that you would be doing if you weren't missing me."

"Have you been talking to my mom?" I ask, unable to ignore the similarities in their requests.

"No. Why would you think that?" He asks curiously.

"Never mind." I say, realizing that, while their words might be similar, their motivation couldn't be more different. My mother asked this of me because she wants to retain her control of me; she wants four-more-years of me being the person she intended for me to be. And because she vainly hopes that I will come here and become the girl I used to be; the girl who would never have the courage to love someone as completely as I love Max. But Max asked me for this promise because he loves me, and he wants me to enjoy myself during this time in my life instead of spending it mourning his absence; because he doesn't want me to spend four years grieving and yet not making the four years pass one millisecond more quickly. He loves me unselfishly and unconditionally; the kind of love my mother knows nothing about.

I put my arms around his neck and draw his face to mine and say, "I will promise you that and I will do it to the absolute best of my ability... if you'll promise me that at the end of four years, you'll marry me, and we'll spend the rest of our lives loving each other."

I'm pretty sure Max has tears in his eyes when he puts his forehead to mine and says, "Knowing that will be our future, is the only reason I'm going to be able to drive away from here without you tonight."

Carson

September 2012

"That was freaking amazing!" Max yells, meeting me as I exit the locker room. Just as I reach him, a little boy joins us and pulls on the edge of my shirt.

"Mr. Jennings, can I have your autograph, and can my dad take our picture?" He asks.

I smile and nod, signing his program and then smiling for the cameras. We talk for a minute about his peewee team and he tells me he's going to be QB for the tigers when he's in college too. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Max looking on with his mouth hanging open in shock.

"Does that happen all the time?" He asks when we continue walking.

I shrug. "Usually. You gotta realize, to this town, to these fans, I'm the only game in the town."

"Well you were the only game in town today. I mean, four TD passes, and two touch-downs run in. You only turned over the ball three times. You were all over them."

"You've seen me play, dude." I say as we climb into his truck. "I mean you've seen me play more than anyone in the world... even my mom. You shouldn't be that surprised."

"You were never this good before. The guy I saw on that field; I'd put up against any defense in college football." He argues starting toward my dorm. Living on campus isn't exactly considered cool, especially for the starting senior quarterback, but I have a great apartment in Holland Tower. It's part of my scholarship.

"Well, come back the last Saturday in November for the Bayou Classic. You can see me do my thing in the Superdome."

"Is it as awesome in there as we always imagined?" He asks, taking me back to a time that seems a million years past, but was in fact more like a decade ago, when we were both certain to be Gator State Champs, starting QB and WR for the Tide and then go on to make billions of dollars and become National Superstars playing for the Saints.

"It's better. You gotta come down for it. We can spend the weekend together in NOLA... finally legal. It'll be the bomb."

"I don't know. That's the Iron Bowl." He protests. I give him a look, and he laughs. "I'm kidding. Count me there."

"Yeah, speaking of the Iron Bowl, don't think I don't notice that every year you come see me play when the Rebels take on the Tide. What's that about?"

"Well you know I'm an open book. And they might not mind my crimson most of the year, but this weekend it's pretty uncomfortable to be me."

We get out and head upstairs to my apartment. Usually when Max comes down to visit me, I have to finagle with some of my friends' rooms to get him a bed for the night, but this year I have a foldout couch with his name on it.

"So, how's Belle?" I ask, once we're in my room and pizza is on its way.

"She's good. We met at home last weekend. She got selected to serve on the committee to direct STUNTS this year. It's this variety show that they put on every year and each class competes against each other. Only four students from each year are selected to put it together; write, direct, choreograph, the works. It's a big deal. They have their first planning committee this weekend." He explains, unpacking his suitcase. I've been friends with Max forever, but I still think it's a riot that he unpacks the minute he gets somewhere.

"You guys are really doing it aren't you; making long distance work? I think you're even better than Hayden and Georgia."

"Yeah, they had to break up to stay apart." He laughs and adds, "But we mostly do okay with it. This past summer was tough with her in San Francisco, but the chance to intern with a coaching clinic for world class gymnasts was a once in a lifetime break for her... and she made it up to me when she got home."

I raise an eyebrow, but Max just smiles and looks away. He takes the not kissing and telling vow to an annoyingly gallant level.

"So, speaking of Georgia and Hayden. How's married life treating them?" I ask, getting up to pay the pizza man, tossing the boxes on the coffee table and watching Max rip into them like a starving man. I hope his appetite never catches up with his metabolism, but he's still in Marine shape so I guess he's safe for the moment.

"They're sickeningly happy... but I'm happy for them. God knows they deserve it. His business is booming, and she's got a job as a family court attorney representing children and battered women. It's everything they wanted." He explains, and I can hear the pride and relief in his voice. Then he asks the question I don't want him to ask. "So, do you ever hear from Torie?"

I shake my head. "No, I guess when we said goodbye last summer, it was goodbye for good."

"I'm sorry." He says seriously.

"Naw, I mean, we always knew it was just a high school thing. It outlived its life expectancy by several years." I assure him and then add, "Hey, you and Belle will be Hayden and Georgia before you know it."

"I hope you're right. She's coming over to Oxford weekend after next for the Auburn game which is also homecoming. I can cheer for the Rebels when they play Auburn, and you've not tailgated till you've tailgated in Oxford."

"Do they really have tents with chandeliers set-up on campus?" I ask curiously, having heard this rumor.

"Oh yeah. I mean, you know I'm a Bama fan for life, but like I said, Ole Miss can throw a party." He states seriously. "You know, speaking of Mississippi. I figure you're getting ready to choose a school for your masters, and Miss State's college of engineering is one of the top 100 ranked graduate programs in the country."

I look at him and say, "Do you research these things before you start a conversation or do you just know these factoids off the top of your head?"

He laughs and says, "It's a little of both."

"Yeah, well, if I go that route I'll probably go to Alabama... which is ranked number 21 nationally, by the way. Yes, I can google too."

"But Starkville is less than two hours from me, and you're a year ahead of me because I was in the Marines, so I'll be at Oxford for a year while you'd be in Starkville. Think about it."

I nod and says, "I will think about it. But I'm also thinking about entering the draft."

He stops in mid bite and looks at me like I'm crazy. "The NFL draft?"

"No, the Vietnam draft. Yeah, the NFL." I answer with more confidence than I feel.

"Are you serious?"

"I'm having a great season. I'm the number1 ranked quarterback in D1 FCS football and my stats are better than a lot in the FBS. I led my team to a division championship last year. And like you said today, I'm playing like I never have. This is expected to be my breakout season."

"So, people are talking to you about this? People besides Fisher?"

"Yes." I say earnestly. "My coaches are saying it, and I've been contacted by a couple of agents. I've talked to scouts. I've got a legitimate shot at this. I mean, I'm not going in the first round, but even a couple of years at the bottom of the totem pole is a shot most people never get."

"Are you kidding me!" Max says excitedly. "Did you know that only 3-4% of high school players go on to play in college and only 7% of draft eligible players ever get drafted? Yes, I google this stuff. That means that less than half a percent of high school players who dream of the NFL ever actually make it there! Are you telling me that you're going to be one of the half percent? Are you freaking kidding me?"

I laugh because I'm pretty sure we've played out a similar version of this same conversation before. "Do not get carried away. It's a long time till the end of April and a lot of season is still left to play."

"The NFL." He says in wonder. "The NFL! Do you know what the NFL equivalent of a Gator babe is?"

"I'm thinking a hooker?" I ask in bewilderment.

"No, a Supermodel... or a movie star... or best of all. A D..."

CC!" We finish together.

"A Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader." I say in awe.

"That's the holy grail man. I mean... you know for me Belle was the holy grail, but an official DCC is a very close second."

I shake my head. "I've really tried not to get my hopes up. That's why I haven't told anyone."

"Anyone?"

"Anyone... but telling you makes it real. And when it's real... it gets exciting. It also gets a hell of a lot scarier."

Belle

January 2014

I roll over and feel Max next to me and smile. In our entire relationship, we've almost never actually been in a bed together and never spent a whole night. But some convincing lies on my part and some strategic 'ignoring the evidence' on Georgia and Hayden's part got me and Max into the Riverview Plaza Hotel in Mobile to watch the Moon Pie drop at midnight and then to wake up together on the first day of a New Year; and not just any new year. This is the year we're both graduating from college and the year we'll both get to move home... together, and the year when I'm expecting to get a ring.

Max knows that New Year's is always a little hard on me. On the one hand, it's hard not to think back to our first time with a measure of pleasant nostalgia. I can admit to myself now that I began falling in love with him that night. But the weeks to come were the worst of our lives. But this morning, in Max's arms, I'm not sad; Because I know that this is the year when we finally put all our past mistakes behind us and officially start our future together.

"Are you awake?" He asks sleepily. "Is it light outside?"

"Barely and barely." I answer, snuggling against him. "Thank you for last night. This was the best Christmas present ever."

"Being with you is the best present." He says. "You're the best Christmas present, New Year's present... all of it."

"I can't believe in a week we'll both be back at school and we'll both start our student teaching. This is it. Four years ago, when I went to college it seemed like it would be an eternity, but you made me promise I'd enjoy it, and I have. I've really enjoyed every minute of it. But I'm so ready now to graduate and move on to the next phase of our lives... together. All I want is for both of us to get teaching jobs at Grassland, and you'll help coach football and I can give some private tumbling lessons and be the cheerleader sponsor. And we can get married and live in a cute little apartment and be together forever."

"And someday will build a house and have kids and be a family." He says, holding me tighter. He always holds me tighter when he talks about the future. That's how I know how much he wants it, and how much it will mean to him to get it. I nod and then nestle in closer to him, but don't say anything.

"Check out is at 10:00 and we have a reservation for brunch at 11:00 at the Magnolia Room. What do we want to do until then?" He teases, nibbling at my neck and rolling me onto my back.

I giggle and say, "I think we've got a bunch of channels. Maybe we can find a mo..."

His kiss swallows up the rest of my joke... and then we neither talk nor turn on the television for quite a while.

Lilly

February 2014

"Oh, my gosh! I had the best day ever!" Belle says, sweeping into the room. "I got to teach, unassisted, for an entire language class. And these third graders were listening to me. TO ME!"

"I'm pregnant." I say softly; so softly I'm not even sure I've said it out loud till Belle stops in mid-motion and faces me. "I'm pregnant." I repeat.

"Are you sure?" She asks, coming to kneel in front of me.

A year ago, we both qualified for single rooms in the honor's dorm on campus, but we opted instead to scrape together our meager finances and get a two-bedroom apartment. I'm in our turquoise and purple living room, decorated by me, and telling my best friend this truth that I can't believe I'm saying aloud.

"Yes, I'm sure. I took several tests and then I saw a doctor today. I'm pregnant." I say it again thinking that if I keep saying it, perhaps it will feel real.

"I don't know... how? I mean... I'm sorry, but how? You say it yourself all the time that you're the only college senior in the state of Georgia who's still a virgin. You aren't even dating anyone, are you?" She asks incredulously.

"There was a guy at home. We dated during the summer and we kept talking all last semester. I didn't tell you because... well you and Max are so good at the whole couple thing and I'm such a mess at it.

"Anyway, we didn't do anything all summer, but then we kept talking through the fall and he seemed... it seemed like something was keeping him from making the relationship more serious, so I figured if I took the next step he'd take the next step. So, we did it during Thanksgiving break. And then the night before we left, he dumped me." I say, feeling myself begin to slide toward tears.

I haven't cried, not even once; not when he told me he wasn't "feeling it" anymore, not when I first realized I was late, not when I took the first test – the first five tests. Not even today when the doctor started talking to me about options and support systems. But during the last three and a half years, Belle has become closer to me than any friend I've ever had. Telling her makes it real.

"Thanksgiving! That makes you what, thirteen weeks?"

"Fourteen. I'm due the first of August."

"How long have you known? And why didn't you tell me sooner?" She says, looking at me angrily. But then she hugs me tightly and suddenly the tears come in earnest... from us both.

"What am I gonna do? Granny is going to kill me! I'm in the middle of my internship. I haven't spoken to Seth in three months and I don't want to."

Belle pulls away and says, "If your fourteen weeks I guess that means... you're having it?"

"Of course, I'm having it." I say with all the conviction of one raised pro-life. "Not having it was never an option. But... I don't know how."

She pulls away from me and sits on the edge of the coffee table. "Okay, first things first. We're going to get you started on prenatal care. And you're going to tell your Granny. I'll go with you if you need me to. And then, you have to tell the father. It'll be better than worrying about it. Then we're going to talk to your professors and inform them that pregnant women work every day and that you will be fine to finish out your internship. I will stay with you after graduation until the baby is born. I'll be your coach. It'll be great."

I laugh ruefully and say, "It won't be great... but maybe it'll be okay."

"It'll definitely be... maybe a little better than okay." She assures me.

"Oh, God Belle, I'm going to be a mom." I say and the urge to both laugh and cry is overwhelming. I've always wanted to be a mom and I've always worried that it would never happen; especially if I couldn't get a meaningful relationship off the ground. Now I realize that from this point on this is my meaningful relationship.

Belle smiles and nods encouragingly, but I can't help thinking she looks sadder than I've ever seen her.

Belle

July 2014

"Belle Carpenter."

I step off the elevator, and I'm greeted by the sound of my name and am immediately pulled into an enormous embrace from Granny Etheridge. "You get in here sweet girl! Lilly tried her best to hold that baby in till you got here, but there was no stopping her."

"Are they okay? I was so scared when you called me. It's too early." I say, stepping away and following her into the nearby waiting room.

"They're fine. Madeleine is under the warming blankets to keep her temp up and they gave her a shot of something for her lungs, but other than that she's good. She's breathing totally on her own. And Lilly is great. It scared the life out of us when her water broke, but she's good."

"I had every intention of being with her. I'd just gone home for a couple of days to finalize my teaching job for the fall. I can't believe I missed it." I say with tears in my eyes.

She laughs and pats my hand. "Babies have a funny way of coming on their own time table. This one certainly did. I mean, lord knows I did not raise my girl to do this out of wedlock. I didn't raise her daddy to hook up with some white-trash floozy who'd leave her on my doorstep either, but that's another story. But... babies come when they come. Madeleine is a gift from God, no matter when she got here."

I nod and feel the sob building like a wave inside of me and before I can contain it I'm wailing against her shoulder and she's hugging and patting me.

"Baby girl, what is going on with you?" She finally asks, when I seem to have cried out all the tears I didn't know I had. Through tremulous lips I tell her my story; the one I've never told my best friend Lilly; the one I've never told my parents. When I finish, she hugs me again and I feel another wave of tears upon me.

"I didn't know how hard it was going to be to go through this with her. But from the moment she told me she was pregnant; I've felt this building. She was so certain. I mean, Seth is a creep who wants nothing to do with her, but she still never wavered in her decision. I was raised to believe exactly what she does. I do believe that. And I was pregnant by Max. I mean, even though we weren't together then, I knew he was a good guy. I knew he'd go through it with me."

"Baby girl, you were sixteen years old. Lilly is twenty-two and she has a college degree and a job lined up in Atlanta with the Weather Channel as soon as her maternity leave ends. That makes a big difference." She says, patting my hand.

I nod. "But it's more than that. She loves her so much; she's loved her since the second she was coming no matter how much she didn't like the circumstances. I refused to let myself love my baby. Because I knew if I did I'd never go through with it."

"Listen to me. You made a terrible choice; a choice no girl should ever have to make... especially at sixteen. But you're a good person and you have to stop punishing yourself for it. You can't let that decision define you forever. If you do, that's the worst tragedy of all."

I smile bravely and step into the bathroom to fix my face. Then we go down the hall to see Lilly who is glowing. "Have you seen her? She's the most beautiful thing in the whole world Belle. I never thought it would be possible to love another person so completely, but she is the whole world to me. 6 lbs 4 oz. and she's the whole world to me."

"I'm so happy for you." I tell her truthfully.

"Oh... I just think of all the time I've spent trying to find a boyfriend and trying to get some guy to love me. It all seems so stupid now because..."

"She's the whole world." I finish for her.

We talk for a little while longer and then I leave, promising to be back tomorrow. Then I walk out to the nursery alone and look at the beautiful little girl with Lilly's smooth, creamy complexion and a head full of dark curly hair. And for the first time ever I let myself wonder... would our baby have had Max's chocolate-eyes or my auburn hair? Would it have been a long lanky boy who could catch a football or a short, strong girl who could tumble down the sideline? Would it have been my whole world; our whole world?

I walk alone out to my car and when I sit down in the front seat I dial the phone and the voice that is my whole world answers on the second ring. Everything in me wants to sob into the phone and I know if I did, he'd say all the right things and probably be in the parking lot in six hours just to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be fine. But I can't do that. After everything we've been through, I realize that I love him too much to do that. Instead I say the words I can't believe I'm saying. "Max... I hate doing this over the phone, but we need to talk."

Jesse Carpenter

June 2015

There was a time when a call from Hayden saying he needed to talk to me would have struck my heart with a mixture of fear and elation; elation that he was actually turning to me for something and fear that this would be the call that brought the news that something terrible had happened to him. But those days are long gone now and a call from Hayden now probably means that my wife has requested more flowers than he's willing to provide for Belle's wedding; a wedding neither of us are 100% behind.

I hear an SUV pull into the driveway and look outside to make sure it's him. I'm surprised when Georgia arrives with him and I hug her immediately.

"How is our baby?" I ask excitedly.

"Good. Kicking me like mad today, as usual." She answers and the animosity between the two of us that plagued their teen years seems just a distant memory. I want to ask her about Max, but I don't want to open a barely healed wound. So instead I keep things light.

"Does it feel like a defensive back?"

She laughs and we all make our way into the den to talk. As suspected Hayden wants to talk about the wedding, but instead of complaining about the ever-expanding budget, he just wants to ask me about Dana's latest plans to basically rebuild the entire patio area. This is outside of his scope, and he wants to be sure that we're all on the same page before he carries forward with his part. I want to tell him that when it comes to this circus, my wife and I aren't even in the same book, but I refrain. Again, I know that he's got an equal amount of loyalty to Max and this has been very hard for him.

We all talk some more about the baby and different things about town and we're making our way to the door when it flings open.

"Belle what is going..." I ask as a tearful Belle breezes by me and up the stairs. A moment later we hear the slamming of her door, so hard that the windows rattle.

"What just happened?" Dana asks, emerging from the sunroom. Funny, I hadn't even realized that she was there, and she'd made no effort to join in the visit with Hayden and Georgia.

"I don't know sweetheart. Let me see what I can find out." I say, going up the stairs and not surprised when Hayden and Georgia follow me. I walk down the hall and knock. "Belle, I don't know what's going on, but we love you so open the door and tell us what's wrong."

"It's nothing. Just leave me alone!" Belle yells.

"It's clearly not nothing."

"I'm okay." Belle says, still sobbing. "I just need a minute."

Dana joins us upstairs and the look on her face can only be described as icy. "I think I might know what's wrong with her." She says, turning accusing eyes on Hayden and Georgia. "I just read in the news that they announced the new wide receiver coach for the Gators today."

"What could that possibly have to do with anything?" Georgia asks irritably, not noticing the guilty look that passes between Hayden and me.

"Are you seriously telling me you don't know?" Dana says with disbelief. She turns to leave but just before she goes she drops the bomb. "It's Max Cooper."

Belle

"Belle open the door or I'm taking it off the hinges. You know I'll do it!" Hayden says sternly, having taken over for my father in the efforts to get me out of my room. In the midst of it all I have a momentary flash at the irony of hearing Hayden, once a-rebel-without-a-cause acting like a parent. It's sort of precious.

"Belle, we're all worried about you. We just want to talk to you." Georgia adds, and I roll my eyes. Georgia Cooper Nichols hates my guts and with good reason. But I finally decide they're not going away and I shuffle across the floor and open the door.

"I'm sorry!" I cry, falling into daddy's open arms and looking at Hayden and Georgia, who both look genuinely worried. "I know I'm being such a brat."

"So... is this..." he says, motioning to the finally-opened-door and tear-stained-face. "About Max?"

I nod before falling against his shoulder again and sobbing. "Why is he here? I'm getting married? What more is it going to take to make him understand that we are never going to be together?"

Everyone is silent for a moment, looking at each other before Hayden finally asks, "Is that why you're getting married? So, Max will stop thinking you two have a shot?"

I look guiltily from one to the other and then sob harder.

"Belle?" Georgia whispers, her voice thick with emotion

"No, no!" I say desperately. "That's not it. I love Jacob. I want to marry him."

"Honey, this is serious." Daddy says. "Jacob is a good guy, but if you still have feelings for Max..."

"I don't." I insist, but I refuse to meet anyone's eyes; especially Georgia's.

"Are you sure?" Hayden asks. "You two had a very long history together and... you shared a lot. That doesn't just go away."

"We're not you! This isn't some big epic love story where we were destined to wind up together. We had something once and it didn't work and now I'm moving on with a great guy that I love. I just don't understand why Max has to come back and try to mess everything up!"

I see Georgia's eyes flash angrily and I wait for her to unleash it on me. I deserve to have her unleash it and much more on me. But Hayden puts a steadying hand on her shoulder and she remains silent.

"Okay, if that's the case then... don't worry about it. We will talk to Max. We'll tell him that if he's here for the job that's great, but as far as you're concerned he needs to keep his distance." Hayden says.

"You'll do that?" I ask, still snubbing.

"Of course." Georgia answers coldly. "You're our family too, after all."

Max

Charles Moore-Haley Memorial Stadium; In many ways, it's always been my home away from home. The one place in my life where I was ever a superstar; where I ever got to feel like I knew exactly what was expected of me at all times. And once again it's going to be my home.

"Max Cooper. It's good to have you back on the team."

I smile at Coach Reynolds and shake his hand. "It's good to be back. So, you've won two state-championships since I left. I feel a little like your bad luck charm."

"You're one of the best players I've ever coached... on the field and off. That's the only kind of charm I want around these boys. Come on and let me introduce you to everyone."

I nod and follow him but stop when I see them all gathered around.

"That's Jacob Martin?" I ask nervously.

He turns and looks at me. "You told me in the interview that this wasn't going to be a problem."

"It's not." I assure him.

"Don't make me regret this decision."

"I won't sir."

"Come on. It's time to meet your new co-workers." He says, but then turns back to me and adds, "But never forget... you were here long before he was."

I make it through practice without incident and walk outside of the stadium to see Carson leaning against his car waiting for me.

"You take a job with the Gators and you don't even tell me!" He scolds, crossing the parking lot and hugging me. We haven't seen each other a lot this last year. I haven't really felt like being around anyone.

"It all happened really fast." I say, getting into his car; a Lexus IS convertible no less.

"So, did you come to get her back?" He asks, when we back out of the parking lot.

"Are you going to try to talk me out of it because we've been through this before? Even Hayden and Georgia told me that it was fine if I was here for the job, but if this is about her I need to back off right now."

"Hell no, I'm not trying to talk you out of it. I'm here to help you lead the charge. Have you met that limp-wrist she's with? There's no way Belle went from you to him unless she's trying to escape." He argues with uncharacteristic emotion from the icy-cool quarterback.

"He's not a limp-wrist. He's a damn good quarterback coach." I argue. "And he seemed like a nice enough guy. But the weird thing is, I don't think he had any idea who I was. How could she be marrying him if he doesn't even know about me? I mean, taking everything else out of the equation, surely she's not marrying someone without telling him about the abortion and if she told him that she had to tell him about me, right?"

"I've talked to her and I'm telling you, something's not right. She's trying to get away from something. I just don't know what." He says shaking his head, but then he elbows me and says, "So how are we going to get her back?"

I grin ruefully and say, "I don't have the first damn clue."

Belle

I watch intently as an eight-year-old blue eyed, blond haired little pageant girl goes through a series of tumbling passes and choreography. She has good power and a decent technique, but what she lacks in talent she makes up for in spunk.

"Good job Melanie."

"My mama told me that you're going to be teaching elementary PE again this year at Grassland Elementary."

"That's right." I say happily. No matter what else is wrong in my world, I have my dream job.

"And she says you're marrying one of the coaches for the Grassland Gator Football team."

"She's right about that too. My fiancé Jacob is the Quarterback coach and he's an algebra teacher at the middle school. And we're going to have the perfect wedding at my parent's house in just a few weeks."

"And then are you going to have babies?"

"Well I don't know." I answer uncomfortably.

"Of course, you are. Everyone wants to have babies."

"Well no, not everyone." I argue.

"But you have to have babies Ms. Carpenter. You're so pretty." She says, as if that's the most logical reason imaginable.

"Melanie, stop badgering her." Her mom says, joining us in the gym. "This one's got nothing but babies' and beauty pageants on the brain."

"Oh..." I say trying to laugh.

"Okay, well we better go." She says, handing me $25. "We'll see you next week?"

"We will." I say, waving and watching them go before I sink dejectedly into the chair. "Why does it always have to come back to babies?"

I leave the gym and drive to the Piggly Wiggly and immediately I'm thinking of Max. Of course, in reality, I've seldom not thought of Max over the last year, but now I'm faced with the reality that I could run into him at any moment. He could be at the grocery store, or I could definitely see him at school. Just the thought that he could be around the next corner fills me with dread and something that can only be described as giddy-joy. I hate myself for it, but if I had to identify which one I'm feeling the most, it wouldn't be dread.

Georgia

I've been under too much stress the last few days. Max coming home is a blessing and I'm thrilled to have him under my roof, but the situation with Belle is more complicated than I wanted to admit. I wanted to believe that she was the shallow twit who chased Hayden relentlessly and broke Max's heart, instead of the strong, sensitive girl I bonded with in the hospital-waiting-area-bathroom, and at the bay, and in a hotel-room following Max's graduation. But seeing her recently at dinner with Avery and Claire and then her reaction to the news that Max is coming back leaves me more sure than ever that things aren't as simple as they seemed.

And on top of that, I can't shake this case that I've been working on. Since my senior year of high school, I've worked with hundreds of at-risk kids and I've always been able to throw myself into it whole-heartedly and then walk away when the time came. I'd say it's only because I'm pregnant, but I have other cases right now that I have no such attachment to. There's something about this little boy... something besides his haunting hazel eyes... that makes him feel like he's connected to me.

I walk into my office and ask, "So any news on Ryder Stone's case?"

Eloise looks at me over her glasses and I can feel disapproval.

"Look I get it. I'm involved. But it's too late so just tell me what you know, okay?" I say guiltily.

"He was pulled from the grandmother again. We'd enrolled him in a day camp to get him out of the house for a few days a week. Apparently, she forgot to pick him up last week, so he sneaked out on foot and they picked him up walking home. It's about a ten-mile walk."

I shake my head and feel my heart constrict picturing the plucky little seven-year-old walking home alone through some shady parts of Mobile.

"Georgia, you know that you're in too deep on this one. You've got to walk away."

I nod. "What if I can't? What if... what are the chances of us getting an emergency placement for him? I've had all the necessary back ground checks. My husband has a record... but he's a coach with a youth football league and his record has been spotlessly clean for several years. And he's a successful business owner. Is that even possible?"

"I don't know if it's a possibility, but you need to think long and hard about this. Do you know how difficult a boy of this age can be? Do you know how much responsibility you're taking on?"

I think of Max who I practically raised from younger than this, and Hayden who was my family long before he was my love. I look at her, nod and say, "You have no idea how much I know about them."

Belle

"Oh Belle, you're gorgeous." Lilly gushes with tears in her eyes. I'm so happy to have my best friend here with me in Birmingham where I'm modeling a white, strapless A-line dress. My mom hates it, but I put my foot down.

"I'm too hormonal for this." She says, dabbing at her eyes. "Madeleine stopped breast feeding last week... just stopped out of the blue. It's killing me."

"I must be hormonal too." I say, as tears threaten to spill over.

"Are these hormones about the dress, or because Max is back in Grassland?" She asks pointedly.

I give her a look, and she shrugs and says, "You dated him the entire time we were in school together. Of course, I follow him on Instagram. He posted about his new job with the Gators. How do you feel about that?"

I steel myself against her words, but the truth is I've been an emotional mess since the news of Max's return began spreading through town. Finally, I say, "You know Max is one of the greatest guys in the world. Just because we wanted different things, doesn't mean that I want anything for him, but the absolute best. Coaching for the Gators has always been his dream job."

"Different things? So, it's true? Do you really not want kids?" She asks incredulously.

"Lots of people don't have children." I argue.

"Lots of people aren't you. You love kids..." She argues.

"I love Madeleine." I counter. "I love the kids I teach. But that doesn't mean I'm cut out to be a mom."

She looks down and then back up at me and says, "Granny told me about the abortion. She knew you didn't want her to, but she thought I needed to know."

"Well she was wrong." I argue, turning away from her.

"No, she wasn't." She says, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to face her. "What I want to know is why didn't you tell me? I'm your best friend. How could you not..."

She shakes her head and continues. "Are you honestly telling me that you having an abortion isn't the reason you don't want kids? And are you honestly telling me that after dating Max for six years you suddenly realize that you want different things after you went through my pregnancy and Madeleine's birth with me? Is that why you and Max broke up? I know it is."

It amazes me that every time his name is said aloud I feel like I've been hit but I turn away from her and insist. "Like I said, Max and I just wanted different things."

"Children being one of those things?" Lilly presses on.

"Yes, one reason but not the only reason." I say, fighting tears.

"Belle, you and Jacob have moved really fast and you still seem... not entirely over Max."

"I'm over Max." I snap, turning toward the fitting room but turning back to say. "And I'm certain about Jacob and I'm certain that I'm not going to have children ever. I've made my choice and it's done."

Lilly and I struggle to get back on equal footing, and we part on good terms, but I still feel emotionally drained. I drive home without even turning on the radio... too much of the music I listen to reminds me of Max. When I get home, I walk into the grocery store craving contraband comfort food and run straight into Georgia.

I don't even bother to try to hide or pretend I don't see her. I just turn on my heels and race to the bathroom, but she's fast on my tracks and comes in right behind me.

"I'm sorry Georgia." I say fighting tears again.

She shrugs. "We've all avoided people in the grocery store before. But most people don't chase you down in the bathroom."

"I'm sorry because of what I said the other day." I argue. "If I know anything, it's that Max didn't come back here to hurt me or cause me trouble. He's the kindest person I've ever known, and I know how much he wanted to coach for the Gators. I just overreacted."

"Well, he has always wanted to coach the Gators, but let's not pretend that he's back for any reason other than to be with you. You're right. He would never intentionally hurt you. But that doesn't change the fact that he still believes that you two belong together."

I look away and tears burn my eyes and my throat.

Georgia puts her hand on my arm and says, "And for what it's worth, I still believe that too."

The tears that have threatened all day, all year, spill over and are followed by many more as Georgia folds me into her arms.

"I miss you Belle. I know I discouraged you and Max for a long time, but before it was over I thought of you like a sister. You just walked away from all of us with no explanation. Hayden didn't want to upset you, so he kept quiet, but I can't do that. You're my family and I will meddle and stick my nose in and do whatever I have to do, but I'm going to take care of my family." She cries.

"I miss you too." I sob. "But you're Max's sister. I can't ask you to be a part of my life after what I did to him."

"I've got news for you. I'm a part of your life whether you like it or not." She says seriously. "All I'm asking is for you to make me understand. Make me understand how you and Max could have what everyone dreams of and then you could just throw it away. And another thing, what am I hearing about you not wanting to have kids?"

I sigh and say what I've said to Max, and to Carson, and to Claire... to myself too many times to count. "Max and I shared a really big experience."

"If you're talking about the abortion, I refuse to believe that was what brought you together."

"Well it was... that and sex." I say because I don't know what else to say.

"It didn't seem like just sex when you guys ended up dating for six years."

"It's just like you said. We had meaningless sex once and then I tried to turn it into something important because of what happened, but it wasn't important. It was all just a mistake. Max is a wonderful guy and I hurt him so many times. I refuse to keep hurting him because he had this misfortune to actually think that he knew me. To actually think that what we had mattered." I say defiantly.

Georgia shakes her head and takes my face in her hands and says, "You know this time you didn't just break Max's heart. You broke mine too. And the worst part of all is that I know... no one's heart is as broken as yours."

She releases me and shrugs before walking to the door, but then she turns back and says, "I won't try to change your mind again. I figure you're determined to punish yourself and there's nothing I can do to change it. But I meant what I said. You are family. And I still believe in you."

Hayden

"Twice in a week. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Jesse says, motioning me to sit down across from him in his office, and offering me a half-eaten slab of ribs. Say what you want about him, but the man loves to eat and he's always willing to share. I wave it away and tell him Georgia sent sandwiches that I'd eaten earlier in the truck.

"Please tell me Dana hasn't added anything else to the wedding." He says disgustedly.

I laugh a little and say. "No. I actually haven't heard from her or Belle. How is Belle? Coop saw her last night and she was still pretty torn up."

"She's staying in her room a lot. She's lost weight; has circles under her eyes." He shrugs. "But I haven't thought her behavior seemed right since she came home from college... well since she and Max broke up. I like Jacob Martin; nothing about him not to like. But I don't know if I believe she loves him."

I shake my head. "Me either. I feel like..."

I stop because so much has changed between Jesse and me since I came out of prison. Before I barely tolerated him, but now he's become a father to me as well as a friend. But still there are things I know that I can't share with him. Belle's confidences would help this all make a little more sense but telling him would break her trust and I'd never do that. Instead I say, "I feel like Belle thinks she's doing the right thing for the right reasons. But that doesn't mean she's right."

"I wish her mother would talk to her but... "

His words trail off and I want to tell him that the biggest part of their whole problem with Belle has always been that he was waiting for Dana to step up and be a mother and it wasn't going to happen. I've often thought about how Jesse says that they got me because he felt like they had more to give, but I wonder if the real reason isn't because he was hoping to do something to make his wife actually show up and be a part of things. But as close as we are, I know that's none of my business, so I keep it to myself.

"I did actually have something to ask you." I say nervously.

"Okay."

"Last time I checked you and I each own one of the more lucrative businesses here in Grassland which puts us right up there in the thick of the Grassland Gators' booster club. Not to mention the fact that I'm the former All-American, state championship alumnus and you helped put me there. To say nothing of you being lifelong friends with Booster Club President and man who bleeds green and gold, Dale Asher. My question to you is, do you really want me to believe that they'd do something as controversial as hire someone who's fresh out of college, who didn't play college ball, who didn't ever win a state championship, not to mention someone we both have such close connections with, to be the wide receiver coach without either of us knowing it?"

"Did you know it?" He asks guiltily.

"Nope. Did you?"

He looks sheepish but argues, "He played a heck of a state championship game his senior year. He was all-conference, and all-state and holds several Alabama state records for receptions and in the 40. And he's a veteran. People like to hire vets. It feels patriotic."

"Your fingerprints are all over this!" I accuse him.

"All right, all right! Fine. I might have called Max and had him put in his resume and I might have told Dale that he'd be a fool not to snatch him up while he's still cheap." He answers, raising his hand in mock surrender.

I knew he must have known but it never occurred to me he'd actually set it in motion. I'm both stunned and impressed. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I was with Belle the night she thought she'd messed up with Max for good. She was just my little girl, but I knew already that she loved him; really loved him. She'll never love Jacob like that. I want her to have that. I want her to have what you and Georgia have."

I nod, and I know there's nothing else to say; about that anyway. So instead I move on to my next question. "As for the other thing I came to talk to you about; it's kind of weird."

"You can talk to me about anything."

"I know you all had other kids before me; kids who were probably younger and easier to deal with. So why me? I mean, why did you keep me? What was different about me than the others?" I ask, suddenly afraid to make eye contact with him. It doesn't take much to knock me all the way back to that insecure foster kid and asking this question certainly succeeds.

I can see him thinking and wonder if he's just trying to think of how to say what he's feeling or if he's ever really known the reason. Finally, he says, "How'd you know with Georgia?"

"What?"

"You were always so certain about Georgia. How did you know?"

"I don't know." I say shaking my head. "I mean, there are a million things that I love about her. But as for how I knew she belonged with me... I just did."

"That's how it was with you. You just went with us." He answers, and I realize it really is that simple; and that complicated. "Why are you asking this?"

I take a deep breath and then continue. "Coop has worked with hundreds of kids; for years, she's done this. But lately there's this one, Ryder. He's seven. She just can't let it go. We're applying to be a temporary placement for him. I'm just trying to figure it out."

"What scares you about it?"

I laugh. "Besides karma? Wouldn't it be the perfect payback for everything I put you through to end up with one just like me?"

"Well I think you'd be pleasantly surprised should that happen. Besides, you wouldn't make the mistakes I made."

"What if I make worse mistakes? I mean, I wanted this baby we're having more than anything. But it still scares me to death. And we'll have years to work up to seven-year-old drama with our baby; and we'll know everything about him or her. But I know what kind of problems come with a seven-year-old foster boy. It's the deep end of the pool with nothing to hang onto."

"That's not true. You'll hang onto each other. And your faith. And your family. We'll all go through it right along with you. Have you met this boy yet?"

"No... I figure if Coop feels it..."

He nods, clearly understanding my desire not to get attached before I have to. "When will you know something?"

"I think any day now." I answer. "I know how this works. I saw it all the time. Kids come and go, and they're pulled back to families and then yanked again and sent somewhere else. I worry we'll get him and it'll be a disaster. I worry it won't be a disaster and then we'll lose him, and Coop will be heart broken. We both will be."

"I'm not going to attempt to advise you on this. I have no words of wisdom except this. Trust your heart and trust each other. Nothing that ever happened with you... losing you to Avery, prison, the fights over Georgia and curfews and grades... none of it was worth not having you. If this feels right maybe it is... whether that will be forever, or just for a while, who knows?"

I leave his office and I think about what he's said. I get home and Georgia comes in soon after and we fix dinner and talk about work; just a normal day. Max is out with Carson, so I get to tell her about Jesse and she's as surprised and touched as me.

I go to bed first, but she joins me soon after and I can tell immediately that she's worried. She tells me Max is home and then she snuggles in beside me and she's quiet for a long time but at last she says, "I've spent so much time being angry at Belle, but I just keep thinking about this baby and how much I love her already. I'd die for her. I know you would too. But ten years ago, were we careful all the time? Twelve years ago? We were babies and we were careless and if we'd gotten pregnant, I'd have probably made the same decision Belle made. And you would have hated me for it."

"Don't say that." I argue, but we both know it's true. So, I amend my answer and say, "I might have hated you for it, but I love you enough that I would have gotten past it... just like Max did."

"I don't know. It's just a double-edged sword. You know, she thought she was making the right choice, but now all these years later it's obviously still eating her up inside. And she can deny it till she's blue, but that's the reason that she and Max aren't together and it's also the reason she doesn't want to have kids. I was with her the day she saw Max holding Andy in the hospital. Even then you could tell it killed her and as she got older and she loved him more that was bound to just get harder. But if she could go back and make a different choice... neither of them would probably make it to college. They might not even graduate high school. Ultimately, either way their life is a mess."

"We were lucky. It could have just as easily been us." I say, kissing the top of her head.

"I can't even bear to think it."

We lay together in silence for a few minutes, lost in thought. But there's something she said that I can't shake so I remind her, "You said her. You said her twice. You've called this baby a him since day one. Do you know something?"

"No." She lies, and then crumbles. "Okay, yes."

"How did you find out? I thought we weren't finding out." I ask impatiently.

"We weren't! But at my appointment Monday, you left to go bring the car around while I got dressed and Rebecca Randolph was writing up my chart and I thought, Gator Babe Rebecca Randolph knows what we're having, and I don't. So, I made her tell me. It's a girl."

"It's a girl? We're having a girl?" I say excitedly. "We're having a girl!" I kiss her and whoop loudly which makes her shush me profusely.

"You'll wake Max!"

"I don't care. I'm going to have the two most beautiful, leggy brunettes in Alabama as the loves of my life. This is fantastic!"

"You're not disappointed that it's not a little defensive back?"

"Are you kidding me? She's going to be a beautiful geek just like her mama! And if she even thinks of being a Gator Babe we're locking her in the attic till she's fifty!"

Max

It was just a matter of time.

Despite everything, I can't bring myself to believe that Belle would ever be intentionally cruel. When she called me to end things, the pain in her voice was evident. For the first month, when I called her constantly, followed her to work to try to catch her in the parking lot, and sent so many texts she eventually changed her number... the one thing that I couldn't get passed was the fact that she seemed as hurt and upset as I was. I knew in my heart that whatever her reasons for ending things with me, it wasn't because she didn't love me. Belle hurt me because she felt she had to, but that would never be her first choice. So, I knew that when I moved home, she wouldn't do things like show up at practice to hang on her soon-to-be-husband or coming to the church that we went to with my family when we were together. She'd never drop by Hayden's or Carson's or my old gym; anywhere she was likely to run into me. I knew she'd go out of her way not to face me... for both our sakes.

But it was just a matter of time.

I left a conditioning practice on a Tuesday afternoon and stopped by the grocery store to pick up some things to take home. My lease in Mississippi isn't up till the end of the summer so a lot of my stuff is still there. I'm looking for a place here, but in the meantime while I'm staying with Georgia and Hayden I want to make sure to contribute to the grocery bill; especially since it looks like a seven-year-old will be living there soon and I know how a seven-year-old boy can eat.

From the grocery store, I ended up stopping at the gas station to fill up and that's when it happened. I should have noticed the royal blue Suburban parked across from me, but I didn't. My mind was occupied on practice and apartments and a variety of other things. The truth is, we've lived apart for so long I forgot what it was like to just run into her. But then there she is walking toward me, looking as dumbfounded as me, and yet there's something about her face that tells me she too, was well aware that it was just a matter of time before we came face to face.

"I... could pretend not to see you, but that seems juvenile for us so... hi." I say, my voice sounding stronger than I knew it could in this situation.

"Hi. Are you getting settled in?" She asks, her voice sounding more hollow and broken than I would have expected. She's as beautiful as ever, but I know her too well. She's lost weight, more than I'd imagine she wanted to lose for her wedding dress. And the circles under her eyes tell me she isn't sleeping. And she's jumpy; like she's got something to hide.

"Yeah, I'm staying with Georgia and Hayden now. Trying to settle on a place. I've looked at some apartments, but I'm thinking of a house. Just seems like the right time, you know?"

She nods. "Congratulations on the job. I know this was always what you wanted."

"One of the things yeah." I say pointedly, and I can see in her eyes that my point is made. "So, are you and Jacob going to be in his apartment after the wedding?"

"Yes." She answers without elaborating.

"I just figured you'd be wanting to get a house too."

"No, Jacob... we're... not staying in Grassland long term. This is a good stepping stone for him, but he ultimately wants to coach at the college level. He played at Clemson, and he wants to get back toward South Carolina. But QB coaching the Grassland Gators is an entry on a resume he couldn't pass up."

Aha. I'd wondered all along why her mother was so onboard with this wedding to a Gator Coach, when I was and always would be such a step beneath them. But this makes sense. He's not a Gator. He'll never be a Gator. This is just a stop along the way for him. And Belle would certainly make a nice souvenir from a career detour such as this.

"So, no more teaching PE at Grassland Elementary?"

"I can teach PE anywhere." She argues, and I can hear it in her voice that she's about to break. The part of me that's been hurt by her and the part of me who wants answers is tempted to push her, force her to break and hopefully give me some clue into why our lives fell apart.

But the part of me that still loves her can't bear to hear that brittle edge or see the visibly trembling hands. As always, that's the part of me that wins.

"Well, I don't want to keep you. I'm sure you have things to do and I have food in the car. Did you hear about the little boy Georgia and Hayden are getting?" I ask, because I want to leave her with us talking about something that doesn't seem to hurt her so much.

"I did. And I also heard they're having a girl?"

"Yes, we're having a girl. I think they're leaning toward Grace." I can't help myself from smiling. Nor can I help noticing that she looks like she's going to sob.

So much for things that wouldn't make her sad.

"Take care Max... and congratulations on the job and Grace and... everything. You deserve it." She says, her voice barely a whisper.

Then she turns away and all I can do is watch her go.

Belle

"I still love him." I say without any preamble; I know one isn't necessary. "The minute I saw him, everyone else disappeared. He's so beautiful and sweet and strong and good and... I couldn't come up with one thing about him that I don't love."

"I'm so surprised by this." Carson says, stepping out of the way to let me into his house.

"Oh, I know you're not surprised. I'm not surprised. No one is surprised. I just have to say it out loud to someone. And I know that you love him enough that you won't feel the need to tell him. You understand that no good can come from him knowing that I still love him. No good can come from him hearing me say that the sight of him tonight, illuminated by the fluorescent lights over the gas pumps, was the most wonderful sight I've seen in a year. No good can come from him knowing that all I wanted in the world was to throw myself at him right there in front of Buddy Simpson and everyone else at the Shell station without any regard for how disastrous the effects would be."

Carson leads me down the small hallway to his living room and seats me on the couch. I tell him about my encounter with Max a few moments ago, and he pulls a diet Coke from his refrigerator and gives it to me. "You're too thin... and pale. You don't look healthy."

"I don't sleep well." I say lamely.

"Because of Max?"

"Because of everything." I say truthfully; Max is everything.

"How are things at home? Are your parents being okay?"

"Yeah. My dad worries, and my mother is a little gleeful, but she tries to hide it." I say, drinking the coke and eating the apple he hands me. "God, he looks good."

"Do I need to hear this?"

"I'm sorry, but he does! It's not fair. I know he's hurting. His world was turned upside down, just like mine. How is he able to look so insanely hot and I look like road kill?"

"Well first of all, you don't look like road kill. Second of all, he looks tired and a little worn around the edges too, but he's a Marine so he covers it better. And he's the victim and you're the villain. As we both learned the hard way all those years ago, the villain is the harder role to play."

"You can say that again, my friend." I say, leaning back against the couch feeling limp and wrung out. I need to text Jacob and tell him I'm not dropping by after all. There's no way I can face him tonight.

Carson sits down beside me and looks me in the eyes and says, "Why Belle? Why are you doing this? I don't understand what you're thinking."

I shake my head and say, "There's no easy way to answer that question. I love Max too much to marry him and then have him end up resenting me someday; for me to end up resenting him someday. I'd rather lose him now than later."

He looks at me for a long time and then shakes his head and says, "I'm expected at mom's house for dinner. But if you need me to cancel..."

"No, I'll go." I offer, but I'm suddenly unable to make a move to stand up.

"No, don't go. Stay here and watch Netflix. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. It'll be good for you to be somewhere with no one watching you. It's sort of like hiding out. I'll be home in a couple of hours and we can talk some more."

He leaves, and I pull an afghan from the back of the couch and turn on a favorite episode of Grey's Anatomy. I sniffle through the famous "Pick me, choose me, love me" speech but then I feel myself drifting off into blessed sleep. I don't know what wakes me, but when I open my eyes, at first, I think I'm dreaming; just like I've dreamed a million times that I awoke to find Max in my room.

But I'm not in my room. I'm at Carson's. And Max isn't smiling his sweet, easy, open smile that he always has in my dreams. He's looking at me behind wary, hooded eyes filled with a year's worth of hurt and confusion and disappointment.

At that point I couldn't have stopped myself from going to him for anything in the world and once I touched him I couldn't have stopped anything that happened. I would have sooner died than tried to stop what came next.

Max doesn't wait for me to speak and I don't give him an opportunity to explain his arrival. I might have resisted the urge to hurl myself at him at the Shell station, but I have no such restraint at this point. I pull his face down to me and stand on my tip toes to get closer to him, but it's not enough. Years of practice lead him to pick me up with only one arm around my waist while his other hand is everywhere; under my shirt, in my hair, pulling me closer. I can't possibly get any closer and yet it's still not close enough. We're kissing one another hungrily; his lips on mine, my lips on his neck, his on my shoulder, my throat, behind my ear and back to my mouth again. And my hands are all over him. I can't seem to touch him in enough places at once. His skin and muscles feel wonderful; so, strong and warm and perfect. I want to know it's him and know that he's real. I want to know that he's here.

When he tries to lay me down on the couch I won't let go. I don't want him to pull away for even a second, afraid that the spell will be broken and one or both of us will come to our senses. But I needn't have worried. He wastes no time joining me and once he's in my arms all I think is that I might have to let him go again someday, but in my heart, there's never been anyone but him and there will never be anyone but him.

Max

She looked so peaceful when I came in. There was a part of me that wanted to let her sleep; to just sit beside her until she woke up. But then I was afraid that made me a borderline-stalker, so I cleared my throat and she woke immediately.

She's asleep again, lying almost completely atop me, between my body and the back of the couch. I determine that this time I'll let her sleep. I can tell by her eyes that she needs it. But try as I might, I can't seem to keep myself from touching her; her face, her shoulder, the small of her back... I know every inch of her. It's all soft, and smooth, and familiar and for the life of me I can't understand why anyone thinks that being with a bunch of different women is better than having only been with one – the one; the one you know everything about who knows everything about you.

I feel it the minute she's awake and I look down to see her greenish-blue eyes looking back up at me. I want to tell her I love her and that I've missed her. But I can't find my voice; because her eyes are still filled with so much sadness and uncertainly.

"We should get dressed. Carson will be back soon." She says numbly.

"Carson isn't coming home tonight." I reply softly.

"He's not?"

I shake my head.

"He told you to come over?"

"Well, he called me and told me you were here; and that you needed me; and that he wouldn't be home."

She laughs ruefully. "He ratted me out and meddled in my life. I guess that means that after all this time we really are friends."

I hold her for a few more minutes and then brush her hair off her face and press my lips to her forehead. "I'll go if you want me to."

"No." She says without hesitation, putting her small hand on my shoulder to stop me; as if I had any real thoughts to leave her. "Stay. Please stay with me tonight."

Belle

There's only the smallest slash of light somewhere far off in the east when I start out the next morning. Somewhere in the night we moved to one of the guest's rooms.

I knew if I wanted to leave without Max waking I'd have to go quickly because he's a notoriously early riser.

Getting out from under a sleeping Max wasn't easy, not that I'm complaining. I love the way he feels wrapped around me in sleep.

Just as Carson had said, once I was looking closely at Max I could tell he hadn't been sleeping well either. His eyes look tired and worried. So, I tried to let him sleep when he would, and he barely stirred when I disentangled myself from him and slipped from the room. But just as I left he said my name, so softly it felt more like a caress than a word.

I made up my mind somewhere during in the evening that as long as he didn't force me to talk about our break-up, there was nothing I would deny him that night. If he'd asked me to tell him I loved him, to tell him he was the only one I'd ever love, I would have done it. But he never asked me. The truth is, we barely talked at all. Last night, most of the words we would have said were unnecessary.

The biggest regret I'd had all these months was that the last time we were together; I didn't have any idea it would be the last time we were together. So, I determined to make this last night together perfect. My hope was that if it was perfect enough, it would be enough to sustain me, and it would be enough to make him hate me; because I deserve his hatred. For both of our sakes, I need his hatred.

I walk through the living room once again, taking care of anything that would make Carson regret giving us his house for the night.

Then I open the note I'd left Max on the kitchen table and I reread it just to be sure there's nothing left unsaid.

Max,

I won't insult you and say that I'm sorry about last night or that it didn't mean anything. I don't regret it, and it meant everything to me. The problem is, it doesn't change anything. I know that you don't understand why I'm doing this and I can't put it into words. But what I can tell you is that you should look at this and know that this is the kind of person I am. The same girl who used your crush against you all those years ago, to make someone else jealous is the same girl who cared more about herself and less about your heart last night when she let you make love to her, knowing that she was going back to her fiancé the next day.

I wish that I had never hurt you. I wish I'd been strong enough to walk away a long time ago. But it's over; no matter what I said or did last night, today it's over.

After everything we've been through, I hope someday you can find it in your heart to be my friend again.

Belle

***

The last thing I wanted to do tonight was come with Jacob to a booster club meet and greet. I can barely look at myself in the mirror, must less face him. But not only do I have to face him; I'm facing my parents, and Hayden and Georgia, and Carson... but mostly I'm facing Max.

My first instinct was to refuse to come; fake a headache, plead a migraine, a pulled muscle from tumbling practice - something. But then I figured the best way to ensure that Max faces that last night didn't change anything is for him to see me with Jacob, living the life we'd planned together.

So, I stand dutifully at Jacob's elbow smiling and chatting with the boosters. Jacob is really good at this part. He's so good looking and polished. They all smile approvingly at him and pat my hand, congratulating me on such a good catch. Under normal circumstances I'd be having a blast. But normal circumstances would include me being with Max... instead of watching him across the room glaring at me; at us... well, at me.

"Is this too weird?" Jacob asks softly nodding toward Max. He knows only the barest minimum of details about him, but he was in his first year on staff when we broke up, so I had to tell him an abridged version of the truth.

"No. We broke up a year ago. It was amicable." I say with a bright smile, holding onto his arm and leaning in as if we're sharing an intimate moment.

Jacob isn't big on intimate moments... especially in public.

I remember the night Max came to the house after I'd seen him with Cami. He made up his mind right then that he would never sneak around or hide anything from my parents. And while he was never inappropriate or disrespectful, they could never doubt how he felt about me; how either of us felt. He was an open book. Whatever he's feeling is right on his face for the world to see. And right now, anyone who looks at him knows he's come to do battle.

Despite all the secrets I'm keeping, I know that I too am an open book. So, when the evening ends and Jacob and I are forced to tell Max goodbye, I don't understand how Jacob can politely shake his hand and make small talk without realizing what's between us; what will always be between us.

"Max, it's good seeing you." Jacob says politely and Max smiles and nods. "Just to clear the air, I hope this isn't too awkward... us being here, you and I working together. I realize this is your hometown and your school. I don't want to make anything uncomfortable for you."

I want to climb in a hole and die, but Max handles himself without a hitch. "Absolutely. I appreciate the sentiment, but Belle and I were friends long before we were anything else. I'm sure we can be friends again, right?"

He says, taking my hand and bidding us goodnight. Jacob watches him leave with a self-satisfied smile.

I'm an open book, so when Max presses a note into my hand, I wonder how it's possible that my fiancé couldn't see the mixture of fear and elation that must surely be evident on my face.

An hour later after picking up my car at Jacob's, I park and get out of it behind an all too familiar stadium and make my way in the side entrance to the bleachers overlooking the fifty-yard line.

"You came." Max says, rising to meet me as I start down the steps, but I put out my hands and stop him.

"I'm just here to talk." I counter. "For starters, why here?"

"What do you mean why here? This is my home. This was always my dream. My family is here and my whole life. And professionally speaking, you could do a lot worse than coaching for the Grassland Gators, not to mention that I don't know when a chance to coach and teach eleventh grade American History is going to come along again. I mean, I might have lost you, but does that mean I should lose the rest of my dreams too?"

I ache all the way to my soul, but I square my shoulders and say, "I meant, why did you want to meet here? There are a million places in the world that would have made more sense."

This time he shrugs and says, "I have good memories of this place. Some of the best memories of my life were here. And I was standing right over there." He says, pointing to the home-team fieldhouse and end-zone. "The first time I watched you tumble down the sidelines. Over the next four years I watched you a million times and I always fell in love with you all over again."

I shake my head and say coldly. "You shouldn't. If you'd never seen me tumbling down the sidelines, you'd have never had your crush, I'd have never taken advantage of it, never gotten pregnant, never had an abortion, never dragged you into a relationship that had no ground in reality, and never broken your heart. You should hate this place with all your heart."

He shrugs again, and I blurt out, ""What more is it going to take Max to make you understand that this is never going to happen?"

"Well, your point might carry a little more weight if I hadn't fallen asleep with you in my arms less than twenty-four hours ago." He argues.

"This was a mistake." I say, hurrying up the steps toward the exit with him close on my heels. "That was a mistake, and this was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here."

"Why did you come here?" He says, just behind me. He could grab me if he wanted to, but even angry, he'd never do that. "Why did last night happen?"

I turn swiftly, and he almost falls into me, but stands tall, still towering over me even one step below. "Last night happened because I'm a selfish, self-centered bitch and you dodged a hell of a bullet when I left you."

We resume our trek up the steps with Max arguing behind me. "Okay, you know good and well that I don't believe that so what's the real reason?"

"I was feeling nostalgic and having cold feet about my wedding. It was nothing!" I bite, reaching the gate toward my car.

"I can't do this with you Max. In three weeks, I'm going to be another man's wife!"

"We'll see about that!" He yells as I reach my car.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I say, stopping at my Suburban and turning back toward him. "Are you going to tell Jacob about last night?"

He looks at me with such disgust it should hurt, but I know I deserve it and so much more. He shakes his head and says, "I don't need to rat you out to your fiancé. You'll do it on your own."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you love me." He says, standing in front of me, not touching me, but so close that I can feel the heat coming off his body. I want to reach out to him so much I'm trembling, but I resist it.

"Is that the best you've got?" I snap, opening my car door and getting in, but he holds the door and keeps me from closing it.

"Oh, make no mistake. I'm coming after you with everything I've got." He kisses me so swiftly and so completely I don't even have time to react until he pulls away. "And just so you know, we're not friends anymore."

I drive home feeling heartbroken and alone. I want to talk to someone. I want to stop having so many secrets. But I can't help thinking about the last time I tried to be honest about myself.

July 2014

I walk into my mom's den and sit down across from her. The drive home from Decatur has seemed interminable. Max has called more than once. I've ignored him so far, but how much longer can I keep doing that?

"I broke up with Max." I say softly, waiting for some response from her; back flips and confetti cannons perhaps.

But I don't get any such response. Instead she turns to me and says, "I know you're hurting right now, but in time you'll see that this was the right decision."

"The right decision; don't you even care why?" I ask feeling myself verging on hysteria. "I'm your child. Do you have any interest at all in what this is doing to me? How much it's hurting me?"

"Stop being so melodramatic. You act like you're the only girl who's ever been in love. You made the hard decision, but it was the right decision. Now you can go on and have the kind of life that we planned; with the kind of man you deserve."

I sit silently and watch her walk away, but I finally feel the dam break inside me like an explosion and suddenly the words I've been holding in for so long come out, but not in a mad rush. To my own ears, I sound eerily cold and reserved... almost like someone else is speaking. But the chilly tone is enough to stop her in her tracks.

"Not long before I turned sixteen I snuck out of a church party on New Year's Eve and went to Maci Ellis's house and I got drunk; not extremely drunk. I just got drunk enough to lower my inhibitions; because I planned to seduce Max Cooper so to do that I needed lowered inhibitions. See, I knew that Max liked me, and I knew he was a seventeen-year-old boy and it probably wouldn't take much effort on my part. Actually, it took more than you'd think. He drove me around and made me sober up; he did everything right." I say, unable to stop a wistful smile as I remember how sweet and earnest he was.

"But I was raised to go after what I wanted and never to retreat. So, I lied like an old pro when he asked about birth control... I had to say I was on the pill because Max was a virgin and he liked a 'good-girl' so he wasn't traveling around with condoms like most guys. And when he said all the right things, I said all the right things back. We had sex about two blocks from here in the front of his truck. And I got pregnant. I didn't tell Max for a long time. I just found someone who would help me get an abortion. Max begged me not to, but I did it anyway. It was the worst thing I've ever done; worse than anything you could ever imagine. The pain of that decision lives with me every day. And after all that, he forgave me, and he loved me. He never pressured me about having sex even though we'd already done it once. When I cried because I was sad, or I felt guilty he held me and told me we'd figure it out. When I pushed him away because I was so afraid that loving him would bring back all that pain, he told me we'd hurt together. You know you're right. You couldn't be more right. Max is not the man that I deserve. On my best day, even before I had an abortion, I was never good enough for him."

She turns back and hugs me; not warmly or like she's trying to comfort me. I don't know what kind of hug it is; almost like a submission hold of some kind. Then she tells me, "Life is about making choices; hard choices. You do the best you can do with the information that you have at the time and you live with it. Marriage isn't easy Belle. It's compromise and it's a struggle and it's.... twenty-five years from now the fact that Max Cooper is sweet, and good looking, and makes your heart pitter-patter will not be enough to make up for the fact the you're living in this dead-end town, that you're living with the daily reminder of the mistakes that you made. Hearing this proves to me more than ever that the best thing you can do is meet someone and build a life for yourself and put that entire experience behind you. Someday you will look back on this and be so glad that you made these decisions."

I watch her walk away and I feel as alone as I've ever felt. Finally, I yell out to her, "Who did you love?"

"What?" She answers me with irritation.

"Who did you love? Who did you let go of to marry daddy and live on Coden Bayou Rd, and be a member of the country club? What decision did you make that you're so happy with?"

She shakes her and levels a gaze of pure steel at me and says, "You silly, smug girl."

And then she walks away.

Jesse

June 2015

When I walk into the kitchen it's late. Belle's standing at the cabinet pouring a glass of juice and I can immediately tell she's crying.

"Belle, are you okay baby?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She answers, her voice hoarse, but she doesn't face me.

"It's late. Were you at Jacob's all this time?"

"No." She answers dully.

I nod and take a step closer to her. "I, uh noticed you didn't come home last night. Were you at Jacob's then?"

"No." She says, finally turning to face me. "I was with Max tonight, and Max and I spent the night together last night at Carson's. I'm sorry, daddy. I know you're disappointed in me."

I shake my head. "You still love him?"

"Yes." She says. "But I can't marry him. I just can't."

"Why not?" I ask, pulling out a kitchen chair for each of us. "I want the truth this time."

She nods and starts talking. When she does, her voice sounds smaller and younger with each word. "Daddy I had an abortion."

"When?" I ask, hoping that my face doesn't reveal just how shocked I am by her words. More than anything, I want her to feel like she can talk to me right now.

"Right after I was sixteen. It was Max's. Please don't hate him daddy. It wasn't his fault." She pleads, and I pat her hand encouraging her to go on. "I know you don't want to hear this, but... I seduced him."

"Belle..." I say, feeling my world tilt precariously, but trying to be strong because right at this moment my daughter is anything but. "I know all men are naïve about their daughters, but somehow I don't believe that seduce is the right word for whatever happened between you and Max."

She shrugs. "Maybe you're right. But I took advantage of him. And then, when he asked me not to have an abortion I did it anyway."

"How did you..." I ask, unable to put into words the question that will lead my daughter to tell me about her experience at an abortion clinic.

"It was at a real clinic, but I figured out a way around the parental consent rule." She answers, her tears coming more rapidly now. I stand up and fold her into my arms, and she cries against me. "Daddy, it was my choice. I wanted to do it. I was terrified of telling you and mom that I was pregnant, and I was terrified of my life changing at sixteen years old. I was terrified of everything. I was not ready to have a baby. It would have been a disaster for me. But... why didn't I have Max's baby when I had the chance? If I made that choice then, I don't deserve to make a different one now."

I swallow hard, and for a moment I'm unable to find any words so I hug her tightly.

"Belle, I know you've thought about this... you've lived with it night and day for years now, but I know what it's like to hang on to your past and think that you will always be defined by bad choices. I know how you looked at Max once upon a time. And you still looked that way tonight. You love him. And he loves you. And he's here for a reason, and I imagine coaching for the Grassland Gators – however auspicious that might be is not his main priority. Please, just think about it before you do something you can't undo."

"I can't be with him daddy. I'm just going to end up hurting him more. He loves kids and he'll make the most amazing father. I just can't do it. I can't give him children; I mean physically I can, but... I just can't."

"Baby, you were sixteen years old. You can't punish yourself forever because of something you did at sixteen." I say gently.

"Every time I think about that baby that I didn't have, my heart breaks and I think that if I ever had a baby of my own for real and I really knew how much I could love it...I think it would just kill me. It would... just crush the life out of me."

"Belle, we're calling off the wedding tomorrow and you're giving Jacob back his ring." I say sternly.

"But nothing has changed." She cries. "I still can't be with Max. I still can't have his children and he deserves children."

"If none of this had ever happened and you married Max and then a year or two from now you couldn't have children... for whatever reason; would you think it was okay for him to leave you?"

"No, but..."

"No. Because if he loves you, then if you can't have kids, he can't have kids. When having kids didn't come easily for your mom, do you think I could have ever just gone out and found someone else who could? No. Because I wanted children with her... not just anyone." I reason. "The same is true here. Tell him the truth. Tell him that you can't have children now... that it's just too hard. He loves you and if he can't change your mind he'll learn to accept it."

"You're right of course, about Jacob, but things with Max... it's just more complicated than that." She says tearfully before hugging me again.

"Thank you so much daddy for listening and not... I know you're disappointed and hurt but thank you for not acting like it."

"I'm more hurt that you've gone through this without your mother and me for all these years than anything else." I say, my voice thick with emotion.

"Hayden knew." She says timidly and then adds quickly, "But he's not who helped me get the abortion. He didn't even lend me the money. He made me tell Max and he begged me to tell you. Please don't be mad at him either."

"I'm not mad at anyone." I assure her. In truth, I'm relieved that she had Hayden with her during such a horrible time. He was in most ways her big brother, after all.

"The night before he left for college, Max begged me for us to come in together and tell you everything. He said facing you couldn't have been any harder than carrying around all that guilt." She looks down and laughs through her tears. "As usual he was right."

I nod and smile, trying to be reassuring. She starts to leave, and I stop her, "Belle, do you want me to tell your mom for you?"

She stops and chews her lip for a minute and comes back to hug me. "I'm sorry daddy. But she's known for a year now."

I nod and search for something to say. Finally, I say the only thing I can say. "Belle, marriage isn't easy under any circumstances. The only good marital advice I can give is this. Marriage is hard enough when you love the person you're married to more than anything in the world. I can't imagine how hard it would be with someone I didn't truly love."

"So... are you saying you truly love mom?" She asks, and there's no doubt that my words surprise her.

I take her face in my hands and say, "Sweetheart, your mom is the love of my life."

Belle

Three-days pass before news sweeps through Grassland that the QB coach has been dumped and has left town without a forwarding address. My dad, along with Hayden, Georgia (who is nothing but nice and never mentions Max) and even Claire are working the phones canceling caterers and photographers and fittings. And Lilly is going to make the four-hour drive from Atlanta to Birmingham to pick up my dress and put into storage, so I don't have to see it.

And then there's Max. Within twenty-four-hours after he heard the news, daddy ended up taking away my phone, so I couldn't get any more calls from him. I'm sitting on the sunporch checking off things from my list and I can hear Georgia and Claire in our kitchen talking.

"How many messages is that?" Georgia asks when she hears the alert.

"4 voice mails and 16 texts. He's breaking my heart. Another couple of these messages and I'll end up texting him." Claire says sadly.

"I've got to talk to him. This is ridiculous. She can't even think she's got so much going on." Georgia says angrily.

"I know, but he's... hurting too. I mean, he was as blindsided by their break up as anyone and he was just sure that if she got out of her 'so called engagement' they would work it out."

"I've got to see him, don't I?" I say softly from the doorway.

"No." Georgia answers. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"It's Max. We all know that I love him. There's no reason why I can't see him." I explain. "Trust me. That is the only way that I'm going to convince him that this is still over."

"But honey, if you still love him, how are you going to convince him of that? I don't even think you've convinced yourself." Claire argues, handing over my phone.

"I'll do it. I have to."

A couple of hours later I pull into the driveway at Carson's and see Max's truck already parked there. I start to knock on the door, but it's ajar so I walk on in.

"Back to the scene of my last conquest." I say, trying to start things off on a lighter note; only because I know that what's coming is going to be the worst thing I've ever had to say; worst of all because it isn't a lie.

"I think we have to at least take fifty/fifty responsibility for that one." He says sadly. "So how are you handling things... calling off the wedding and all?"

"I'm okay. It wasn't as hard as you'd think." I answer, though truthfully, my family has done most of the work; our families I amend in my mind.

"I guess it was weird for Jacob to just up and leave like that?" He asks.

I shrug. "If I'm being perfectly honest, not really. He was one of those people who wanted a 'strategic marriage' and I just... needed to look like I was moving on. But we didn't spend all that much time together considering we were about to get married."

"Oh... I mean I know how stressed you get with your mom. I figured you were practically living with him."

"Well I wasn't." I reply defensively.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's just most people do..."

"Well, not that it's any of your business, but we were actually waiting." I say, and then wish I hadn't revealed that particular truth.

"Waiting?" He repeats. "So, you mean... does that mean?"

"Yes. There's still just you." I say softly.

"Oh." He says before looking down at his hands and adding, "There's still just you too."

"Really? We were broken up for almost year and you're... a guy... a hot guy." I reason.

"I didn't feel broken up. In my heart, I was still with you. And I'm used to a year. We haven't lived in the same city since I was a senior and you kept me at arm's lengths that whole year."

"I love you Max. I've loved you for so long it's like breathing to me." I blurt out, but stop him when he starts to touch me. "But I hate you too."

"What?"

"I hate you. I hate you as much as I love you." I whisper.

"I had an abortion. I had an abortion and now I can't have kids... I don't mean physically, but I can't have kids. I aborted your baby. You didn't want me to, but I did it anyway and then you still loved me. How is that possible?" I say beginning to cry.

Again, he reaches for me, but I push him away. "No! Listen to me. I hate you! If you'd been some meaningless one night stand it would be different. I could get passed what I did, but you're the love of my life and I aborted our baby.

"If I'd known... would I have made a different choice? We'll never know. But all I do know is that, we didn't make it work for that baby and that was my fault, but I can't be with you now. We don't deserve to get to work out... if we couldn't be a family then, we don't deserve to be one now."

"When... when did you start feeling this way?"

"Always... in the back of my mind. But I loved you so much. I was so happy when we were together that I just pushed it away and told myself I'd get better about it. When Andy was born, and I saw you hold him, I just died a little. But Georgia put me back together and I told myself it had only been a year. It would get better in time. But then Madeleine was born, and I went through that with Lilly and I saw how much she loved her; I saw how much Madi loved her and trusted her. I couldn't escape it. I tried to escape it, but I couldn't. I can't. I cannot believe that we are supposed to be a family after I aborted our baby."

"Belle." He whispers, crying now as well.

"No." I say with steely resolve. "Tell me you understand..."

"I don't..."

Tell me you understand that I'm serious. This is final. Tell me you get that."

He sighs and finally nods. "I get it. It's over."

Georgia

July 2015

"Was he okay?" I ask when Hayden comes back to bed after we were awakened in the middle of the night by Ryder.

"Yeah, just a nightmare." He says, laying back down beside me.

"Are you okay? Does this bring back bad memories?" I ask softly in the dark.

"Yes." He answers without hesitation, pulling me close to his side. "But it's okay. Sometimes I think it's a good thing to bring them back up. It's so hard to watch him go through this stuff. He's such a scared, guarded little person and I just keep thinking what would he be like if he hadn't been through that stuff? What would I have been like? It hurts because it reminds me of everything that ever happened to me, but at the same time, it makes me feel like something good could come out of all that bad too."

"I love you more than you can possibly ever comprehend." I whisper, kissing him. "So, you think we did the right thing, getting him?"

"I do." He answers. "If he leaves us, it'll kill us both, but we'll deal with it then. In the meantime, he actually didn't pretend to hate me tonight. That's a big step."

"He doesn't hate you." I argue.

"That's easy for you to say. He looks at you like he expects angel wings to sprout out of your back at any minute." He says with a laugh. "It's okay. Anyone who sees that in you is okay with me. He'll warm up to me eventually.... You know, when he's twenty."

"It won't take him till he's twenty to warm up to you. You're much more warm-upable than Jesse was."

"Well let's hope so." He teases.

"Is it bad, that we're spending all this time and energy on Ryder when my baby Max is grieving alone at Carson's?" I ask sadly.

"Max grew up the same way we did... except that he had you. He knows how much Ryder needs to catch a break. And he's great with him. He's good for Ryder and I think Ryder is good for him too. But he needed some space. Carson is back in Baltimore at preseason camp, so his house would just be empty. It's good for Max to have his own place right now. When I came out of prison and you and I weren't together, I don't think I started to get better until I got the house boat and moved out to the Kirk's land. There's something to be said for healing in solitude."

"But you're a loner." I argue. "Max has always had people; me especially, but you and Avery and Carson... and Belle for so long."

"Listen to me. We're close enough to check up on him. We're close enough to be there in a moment's notice if he wants us. But he's... an open wound. The last thing he needs is an audience."

"And her? Do you think she's okay?"

"No." He answers truthfully. "She's an open wound too. But it's good that she's out of town; away from prying eyes. Lilly is her best friend. And maybe being with Madi will help her see that she can't not have children. That would just be the worst tragedy of all."

"How is Jesse handling it all? I know hearing about the abortion hasn't been easy for him." I add. So much has changed in our family over the last few years. In truth, it seems that things change daily.

"He's holding up. He's relieved that she confided in him... finally. And he's glad to have her out of her disastrous engagement that would have soon become a disastrous marriage. And Ryder is helping him too."

I nod, even though he can't see me in the dark, and I roll onto my side, my head against his shoulder. Just as I'm about to drift off to sleep, I hear another sharp cry from downstairs and Hayden jumps into action.

"Wait." I say, placing my hand on his arm. "Let me go this time."

"He's not had this many in one night since his first few days here." Hayden says, and I can hear the worry in his voice. "He's been here almost a month. He's bracing for another move."

I lean down and kiss him again to anchor him; to anchor us both.

"He's safe and so are we." I say softly, because I know my beautiful orphan-boy still struggles sometimes with the belief that anything good will eventually, surely be taken away.

I make my way into Ryder's room and I flip on the lights and find him thrashing in the covers.

"It's okay." I say softly, and he sits up, his eyes big with fear.

He doesn't really look like Hayden, except for his coloring. But he's a little scrapper, like the Hayden I remember from childhood. And the way he looks at people; a mixture of longing and distrust is the thing that pulled me in from day one. And just like with Hayden of long ago, those rare moments when he looks at me without the distrust is enough to keep me coming back for as long as he'll let me.

I cross the room and sit on the edge of the bed, putting a calm hand on his shoulder, careful to always move slowly and not do anything that could be perceived as a threat... especially when he's waking from a nightmare.

"Where's Hayden?" He asks, his voice hoarse with uncried tears.

"I thought maybe this time you'd rather I come." I say, brushing his light brown hair off his forehead.

He nods, but I realize that he's a proud little boy who's been raised without a mother; like Hayden. I can see it in his eyes that it hurts his pride to have me, a girl, see him coming out of one of his nightmares. I know that he's more bonded with me than Hayden; probably because I'm the one that met him first and first formed the connection with him. But when it comes to this, he's more comfortable with Hayden. I'll have to remember that.

I sit with him for a while and tell him stories; he thinks he's too old for me to read to him, but he likes to hear stories about New Orleans and DC and Amsterdam. He might be natured more like Hayden, but I think he's going to want at least a few adventures someday before he settles down; like me. Finally, he falls asleep again and I cover him up and turn on some soft music, praying that this time he'll sleep through till morning.

Then I start upstairs, but I stop and look at the clock. It's almost 1:00 in the morning. But across town there's another one of my boys who never minded having a "girl" see him when he was upset because I was the person who was with him for every nightmare, and every skinned knee; his broken hearts and his broken dreams.

I go back downstairs and dial the phone. Max answers it after three rings and I can tell he wasn't asleep.

"Georgia, are you okay?" He asks nervously.

"Yes. I'm fine. I just needed to hear your voice and to make sure you're okay."

He's quiet for a minute, but finally say, "I'm all right."

"You don't sound all right." I say softly. "And that's okay. Because I guess you aren't and you won't be for a while. But I just need you to know that I'm here if you need me."

"I know Gigi. And I love you too."

Lilly

I walk into the living room on a Saturday around noon and find Belle lying on her stomach on the couch with Madi asleep on her back and Sprout on the TV. She's been here almost two weeks and she's talked twice as much to Madi as she has to me.

"You know she's asleep. You can turn to grown up TV if you want." I say.

She shrugs. "I'm kind of getting into Sunny Side Up and Musical Mornings."

"Have you eaten today?"

"You're Madi's mommy, not mine." Belle says with a good-natured smile.

"I'm taking that as a no." I say, scooping Madi up off her. Madi whimpers in protest, but I lay her down on the recliner. She's always napped in the room with me, because I hate to be away from her and also because I think it makes her a better sleeper and not so sensitive to noises.

"Go get something to eat. You know what Jesse Carpenter would say."

She rolls her eyes. "Under my roof; under my rules."

"Exactly." I tease, using her stories of childhood against her. I watch her walk to my kitchen and return with a banana and a bag of pretzels. It's not what I'd call a healthy, well-balanced meal, but at this point I'll settle for it. When she arrived early last week she was as thin as I'd ever seen her with circles down to her cheekbones. Since she's been here I know she's slept, but I'm not sure that depression-sleep is the same as real-sleep. But the dark circles have at least diminished and instead she's now just incredibly pale. Unfortunately, I think she's gotten thinner by the minute. I doubt she could hold up the wedding dress she was fitted in just a month ago.

The night she got here she told me the whole story about her night with Max and finally telling her father about the abortion; about him taking charge and forcing her to call off the wedding and about her final conversation with Max and the real reason she'd ended things. Since then she's hardly talked at all. It's been hard watching her with Madi because it's obvious that she loves her; that she'd love to be a mother and should be one. But I don't know what to say or do to make her change her mind.

When she's seated on the couch again and I've taken command of the remote and turned to a music station I say, "I need to talk to you about something."

"Have I worn out my welcome?" She teases, but I know she's at least halfway serious. When she called to ask if she could come and stay for a while I opened my home and would do it again, but she gave me no idea when she got here how long she planned to stay. As far as I know, she doesn't have an idea.

"No, you haven't; you couldn't ever." I tell her, and I mean it completely. "You're welcome to stay here as long as you want even without the free babysitting you provide. But next week I will be working a lot of nights. It's sort of my first big career break."

"Really? Why didn't you tell me? What are you doing?" She asks, seeming genuinely pleased.

I started out a year ago, as a production assistant at The Weather Channel, and then in the spring I got offered an assistant segment producer position at Southeastern Sports. I've never been a sports girl, but when it comes to broadcasting in the south, 'sports' is the ticket to the big time.

"I'm actually producing a segment about an NFL benefit that the Falcons are hosting. I'll be in North Atlanta all next week at the Georgia Dome rubbing elbows with the big leaguers."

"I don't think it's the big league when it's football. I think that's just a baseball term." She points out.

"I'm talking about the broadcasters. Not the players." I say, rolling my eyes. You can take the football girl out of Grassland, but you can't take the Grassland football out of the girl.

"I'm happy for you. That's great. And if I'm here you can do that and not have to worry about Madi. You can run with the big-leaguers and know Madi is home and having a great time with me."

"Are you sure you don't mind taking care of her because it'll be long days. I can take her to Granny's if you need me to."

"No." Belle answers sincerely. "I want to do it. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to stay here. I mean, it's really too late to find a job for the fall. So, I guess I'm going to go home and try to work, whilst avoiding Max, for the next school year and then see where I am in the spring."

"I know we talked about the final break-up, but is there any chance that you could ever change your mind? I mean, what if Max agreed not to have kids?"

She shakes her head. "I'd never let him do that. And besides... I love Max more than anything and I know he loves me. I've never doubted that. But... as much as I hate to admit it, there was always a fundamental hole in our relationship that neither of us had the guts to address. I always knew it, but I just loved him so much I wouldn't face it."

"No relationship is perfect. Whatever it is, you could still make it work."

She nods. "Without the baby situation, we probably could. But together? It's a lot."

I envied Belle and Max every day of the four years we were in college. When she came back upstairs that first night and told me he'd come all the way from Oxford just to show her he would be there for her during college, I thought that she was the luckiest girl in the world. And whenever he was there it was just so obvious how he felt about her. Even now, with everything I know about them, it's still difficult to imagine any flaw in their relationship that could cause that much of a problem.

I look at her and shrug. "Tell me about this flaw; because I can't fathom how it could be worth throwing away your relationship."

She nods. "Well, you know Max had a crush on me for a long time before anything happened. I never quite understood why he didn't make a move. He was a catch; any girl in school would have cut off an arm to be the one he was crushing on."

"But you weren't interested. You were crushing on your brother." I say with a hint of sarcasm because she looks so sad and serious all the time, I'm desperate to lighten her mood.

"Don't say it like that. That makes me sound like a perv." She argues, and I laugh a little. "I was confused. But my point is, Max might have liked me, but he didn't make a move. And a big part of that was because Hayden dated Georgia and my parents were not nice to Georgia so that was enough to scare him off, but... he doesn't normally scare that easily."

"You were his fantasy girl. Sometimes you don't approach the fantasy, because you're afraid the reality won't be able to compete with it." I explain, having had some experience with that myself.

"I know. That's what I was always afraid of. It's like... even after we got together for real, I always felt like there was this little part of him that he was holding back from me; either a part of him that he didn't want me to know or more likely a part of me he didn't want to know." She says sadly.

I think on it for a minute and say, "It's like he was so used to being in love at you, that he wasn't quite sure how to be in love with you?"

"Exactly. And he always thought that he loved me more than I loved him. The thing is, it was okay with him because he loved me so much that it didn't matter. He was happy with having me anyway he could get me. Does that make any sense?"

"I was always that way with Seth and I told myself it was fine. Somebody has to love the most. But I think you think you love him more too."

"I guess I do." She says. "And then somewhere along the way, I reached this point where I knew that someday he was going to let go of that little part he was holding back and when he did he was going be able to see all of me. And once he took off his love blinders, he'd see what a flawed, undeserving person I really was. I lived so in fear of that moment that I finally was forced to just make it happen."

"I get what you're saying, but do you really think that any of that matters? Do you really doubt how much he loves you?"

She shrugs. "I don't doubt how much he loves the "me" he knows; the "me" he allows himself to see. But the "me" that I introduced him to that last night at Carson's; the "me" that hates us both because I had an abortion. Yes, I doubt that he could really love that person."

"I don't. You want to know something? You're the one with the flaw and it's not because you had an abortion and it's not because you're afraid to have kids; you don't trust him to love you enough to love your mistakes and your heartaches."

"You're right." She says sadly.

"Belle, you can't do this. You can't just quit on Max. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but you've got to go home, and you've got to tell him everything you just told me and give this relationship a shot with all the cards on the table." I plead with her. "And another thing; you can't not have babies. Listen to me. I'm your best friend and I will always tell it like it is. Max loves you enough that if you said you couldn't handle kids; he'd tell you that you were enough. He'd be okay with that. But you will never be okay with it. I've watched you for two weeks with Madi and you're a..."

"A mother?" She says bitterly. "You're right. I'm a mother who chose not to have her child."

"You're a mother who made a choice that millions of women make." I counter.

"A choice neither of us believe in." She says, her voice choked with tears.

"A choice it's easy to have convictions about until you're faced with it. You made that choice so that you and Max could have lives that consisted of more than work and resenting a baby who didn't ask to come into that world. You made that choice so that you and Max could have better lives. I love you Belle, but for you and for Max, there's no better life if it doesn't include each other."

Max

I've dated Belle since I was seventeen-years-old and lived in Grassland all my life, but I've never had an occasion to come see Jesse Carpenter at his real estate office before today. But in light of everything that's happened recently I felt like I owed him a face to face conversation, so I'm standing here in the reception area, waiting for his secretary to give me the go ahead.

"Mr. Carpenter will see you now." She says politely.

I walk in and he's standing to greet me.

"Have a seat, son." He says motioning to the chair across from his desk. "I just ordered a plate from the Fish Basket. It'll be here any minute. You'll help me eat."

I nod because it was more like an order than a request. Both Belle and Hayden talk about how he loves to eat, but you'd never guess it to look at him. He' still trim, even for a man in his fifties.

"I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time." I say nervously.

"Not at all. How are you liking the job? I hear the team's looking good. Dale says you're doing a great job. But then I never doubted you would."

"Thank you, sir. I'm enjoying it a lot. They're a great group of guys." I reply. Even to my own ears I sound stiff and terrified. I sound as stupid as I sounded the first time I stood on his front porch and asked if Belle could come downstairs and talk to me.

"You know my years as a Gator, I was just like you. They won state when I was a freshman and the year after I graduated, but I didn't get a ring. The youngest of four sons, they all won state rings except me. Of course, I wasn't as good as you or Hayden. You know I always wondered, why didn't you pursue college ball? You were good enough and with your grades and speed and height, I'd think you were a natural; maybe not for D1 but definitely D2. Why the marines?"

When I came here today this certainly wasn't the conversation I was planning to have with Mr. Carpenter, but at least he's putting me at ease. Perhaps that was his plan.

"I guess it was a combination of things; I always thought that being a soldier was something that would appeal to me. I guess maybe because I had such an undisciplined childhood, the idea of all that structure appealed to me. And then there was my dad; living with someone who was basically a complete failure at all things in life that mattered, but who still considered himself a success because he was high school football star, I was determined not to hang on passed my prime. Of course, some would say I'm doing just that by coaching, but..."

"I disagree. Coaching is a thankless job. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Those boys will benefit from being around you, on and off the field." He says and then asks, "I heard you were living out at Carson Jennings's house? That's a good house. I found it for him."

"It is. I like it a lot. I'm renting it for now, but I'm hoping I can persuade him to sell eventually." I tell him, trying not to think about spending the night there with Belle. The last thing I need is to go there. Then I'd be guilty as well as jumpy.

"Well if he won't, you come see me and I'll help you find something that will work just fine for you."

"Thank you, sir. I actually just wanted to stop in... that is I felt like I needed to talk to you; you know face-to-face." I say, exhaling a little too hard as a sign of relief to have finally managed to say that much.

"Max, you are a good boy. You don't owe me any explanations." He says, and I sincerely believe him.

"I appreciate that, but I think I probably do. For starters, this is a delicate subject, but... well I know how Belle is. I'm sure that when she told you about the baby... that is, when the baby..." I shake my head and wish there was an easy way to say this.

"When you made the baby?" He fills in for me.

"Yes." I sigh with relief. "Yes. I'm sure, knowing Belle, she portrayed herself as the guilty party in that scenario."

"Guilty Party? The way Belle told it, she did everything but put GHB in your milk." He says with a hint of sarcasm that surprises me under the circumstances.

I roll my eyes and shake my head in dismay. "That's what I figured."

"I don't think either of us want to share any of the details of that experience. Belle was pretty adamant that she was... how should I say it, the aggressor."

"Well that is probably true, but I was certainly a willing participant." I admit guiltily. "But the point is, I was older, and I was... I had feelings for her already. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned, but I feel like it was and is my responsibility to protect her, and I failed her that night. I'm sorry sir."

He shakes his head and comes around the desk. I'm holding my breath when he stops beside me and puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. "Well now I have one more reason to regret that my daughter isn't going to marry you, son. It took a tremendous amount of courage and class to come here and say that. I respect you more than you know."

I shake my head and feel a lump rise in my throat. "Thank you, but I don't deserve your respect. I... I knew that no matter what she said she was young and naïve and not ready for that, but I just didn't want to stop things. And that moment of selfishness has cost me everything now."

Thank God, his secretary buzzes to alert him that his food has arrived, and I have a moment to compose myself. I was about two seconds away from sobbing all over Jesse Carpenter's desk. When he returns, he divides up the food and puts part in front of me.

"Eat. You and Belle both look like you're about to starve to death. I eat when I'm upset. I eat when I'm happy." He shrugs. "I like to eat."

We eat in silence and I'm thankful for the distraction. After several minutes, he starts speaking again. "You lost a child Max... a child with the woman you love. I know quite a lot about that myself. Did you ever let yourself grieve for that child?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Hayden went to prison and I was trying to take care of Georgia. I was worried about Belle, but she wouldn't let me do anything. I just... wanted to be there for her; with her during everything, but..." My words trail off and I catch a glimpse of long buried anger that I immediately tamp down again.

"We had seven miscarriages before Belle. Each one got harder than the one before. I begged Dana to stop trying, but she was determined. Having a family was what we'd always wanted. Every time I had to be there for her; take care of her; be strong for her. That was my job as her husband and I was more than willing to do it. But it was always like it happened to her; to them." He shakes his head. "It happened to us too, Max."

I shake my head. "I think that Belle doesn't think it happened to her. She thinks it only happened to me. She feels so guilty for hurting me, but she never stops and thinks about how much she's hurting herself. I think... even before we started dating I was always sort of following her; on the fringes because I was so afraid of what would happen to her if she ever let herself feel it for herself. I think maybe that's what's finally happening and she's shutting down; shutting out the people who love her; shutting me out."

"She thinks if she can keep you away, then she can keep from feeling everything that happened to her?" He asks, and I nod.

"Have you heard from her? I know she's in Atlanta with Lilly. It's taking everything in me, but I'm leaving her alone. She made it very clear that she wanted me to keep my distance. But I can't stop thinking about her and worrying about what's happening to her."

"I talk to her every couple of days. I've talked to Lilly a couple of times. She says she's hurting, but Lilly says she's taking care of her."

"I know she is." I answer truthfully. Lilly coming into her life was one of the best things to happen to Belle. Even if it was Madi's birth that prompted Belle to call things off with me, I'm starting to think it was an inevitability that had to happen.

"Max, you have to know if I'd known how this was all going to turn out I wouldn't have encouraged you to uproot your life and come here; put yourself right back in the middle of all this pain."

I shake my head. "I know. And it's a great job, a dream job. I'm going to finish out the season, if it's okay with the boosters. I mean, I get that this is a rebuilding season, and they might not want to waste a year on me if I'm planning to leave next season, so I'll agree with whatever decision they make."

"So, you're not planning to stay? I know Georgia will be heartbroken."

"I know, but... Belle needs to be here with you all. If someone has to leave I'd rather it be me. But for what it's worth, I can never thank you enough for getting me this job. It means the world to me even if I don't get to stay. And if I hadn't come here, Belle would have probably gone through with that so-called-marriage, and I think we can both agree that would have been a travesty."

"You know she still loves you." He says sadly.

"I do. That's the worst part of it."

Carson

I hate this part of the job. I'm a football player. That's what I love and that's what I'm good at; or so they say. Since I can't remember the last time I got any serious playing time, I will have to take the media's word for it. Unfortunately, as far as the Ravens' organization is concerned, performing for the media is what I'm good at. Somehow through no fault or planning on my part I have become what might be referred to as a "Media Darling". If there's an occasion to dress up and trot out a smart, well-spoken, southern, black quarterback... I'm the man.

This is what brings me tonight to the Georgia Dome for a preseason benefit for inner city youth, sponsored by some sporting good's company and attended by every major media outlet and me; in a tuxedo. Everywhere you look there are these gritty photographs of inner city teens playing football in alleys and deserted parking lots with gang members lurking nearby. It's compelling artwork. But I find myself longing to tell someone with a microphone that I played my childhood football on a church league peewee team and that when I was a teenager I trained in a state of the art State Championship winning facility alongside my best friend who drives a truck, wears boots with everything and is by anyone's definition a bubba.

"Excuse me, but you're Carson Jennings, right?"

I turn and smile because everyone knows me at these functions and I usually don't know them. But my smile falters a little when I see the girl who just spoke to me. Benefits such as this are attended by a healthy number of groupies and since I'm recently unattached again, that wouldn't be the worst news. But this girl doesn't look like a groupie. She's beautiful, with a bright smile and luscious curves. She's shorter than Belle and with sexy short hair. I don't recognize her as a member of the media that I've ever met, but those ranks change daily.

"That would be me. And you are?"

"I'm a segment producer with Southeastern Sports. You don't remember me?" She says, cocking her head and putting a hand on her hip.

"No, have we met?" I say, admitting that she's vaguely familiar.

"We have." She says with a smile that holds just enough warmth not to be considered superior.

"Okay... at one of these events?" I ask, trying to remember her. I know someone from SES and it's not her.

"No."

"At a game."

"Guess again." She teases and then says, "I'll give you a hint. I think I was in your bedroom."

I search my mind and draw a blank. I'm not a one-night stand kind of guy. What if she's one of those crazy stalkers?

"In Baltimore?" I ask nervously.

"No, at your parent's house in Grassland. I was technically there to visit Max, but then you came in too." She explains, and I smile as it all starts to register.

"Belle's roommate Lilly."

"Alas, my claim to fame. I didn't think about you being here."

"Are you kidding me? I'm the poster boy for kids who made it out of the inner city thanks to football."

She laughs out loud and it such a warm, effervescent laugh that I feel my stomach sort of flip. Did she laugh like that the first time I met her? Who knows because if memory serves, Torie and I came home expecting to have the basement to ourselves that day and found Max entertaining instead.

"I've seen where you came from. You grew up in Mayberry... about as far away from the inner city as you can get." She says seriously.

"Yes, but that doesn't sell magazines or ad space so... I'm a quarterback. I run the plays they call, and in this case, that means playing this part."

"That kind of stinks." She says sympathetically.

I shrug and change the subject because there's not much more to say on this topic, but I'm not ready for her to walk away either. "So, how's Belle? I heard she'd been to see you."

"She's been with me for a couple of weeks. She's okay." She says with a smile that tells me she's anything but. "Probably about like Max, I'd guess."

I sigh. "That bad? I don't envy you having her as a houseguest."

"She's spending a lot of time with Madi, my daughter. I think it's good for her and also a little tough; kind of a double-edged sword." She explains, and I catch myself getting lost in the way her words trip across one another. Her accent is more like the old south... molasses and sweet tea and all that. But at the same time, she's not one of those "honey" and "hi y'all" kinds of girls so it makes for a fascinating combination.

"How old is your daughter?" I ask. I should know the answer to that question. I remember when Belle's roommate was pregnant, but it didn't concern me that much at the time.

"She just turned one last month. She's a little firecracker." She says, presenting a phone with a slide show of pictures.

While I know the way to win points with a mom is to compliment the kid, it turns out there's no fake enthusiasm needed on my part. When she flashes pictures of her daughter smiling around a mouth full of birthday cake I can't help but get that sort of gooey feeling babies tend to inspire. "She's a doll."

"Thanks." She replies, her eyes lingering adoringly on the picture for a moment before putting it away and turning at the sound of her name.

"Listen I have to get back to work, but it was great seeing you. Are you here anymore this week?"

Different teams have different people in attendance all week, but tonight is my only shift. I explain this to her and I hope it's not wishful thinking to say that she seems a little disappointed.

"Would you like to grab a late dinner after this?" I ask because I really don't want to think I'm not going to see her again.

She looks like she's considering it, but then she shakes her head.

"I can't. Belle has been with Madi all day. I have to get home... But you could come by my apartment. Belle was cooking... which hopefully means she's eating. I'm sure she'd love to see you. And you could meet Madi."

I want to do it; I'd genuinely enjoy the chance to spend more time with her and even to meet Madi but going to her house would mean seeing Belle and that would mean that people would know and... as a professional athlete there's not a lot about my life that is private. I hold onto what little bit I can... even if it's only of interest in Grassland.

"I have a flight in the morning. I probably just need to get back to the hotel." I answer lamely. "But can I get a rain check?"

"Sure. I'm in the business now. Hopefully we will see each other around."

She walks away, and I think, "Hopefully in deed."

Dana

August 2015

It's been a little more than a week since Belle came home from Atlanta. Her demeanor has improved little since her return, but at least she's been busy getting her classroom set for a new school year. I find her on the sunporch late one afternoon cutting out pictures for a bulletin board. I square my shoulders and I walk in and sit down across from her.

"You want to know who I loved? Who I let go of to marry daddy? So here it is." I begin, taking a deep breath and then starting. "As you know my father and uncles and grandfather were all attorneys in Montgomery; some dabbled in politics, but our money went way back. I got engaged when I was twenty-one and a junior in college. You've seen my dress. It was spectacular. We went to Atlanta, of course, to buy it. I got married in June after graduation. My wedding was in all the southern society columns. Anyway, that summer before my senior year, one of my sorority sisters told me that her parents always rented a house for a month in Pensacola, and she convinced me to come with her.

"The first night I was there, I met a bartender. I think he was breaking up a fight... or maybe starting one... I'm not sure. Oh... he took my breath away. I passed him my number on a cocktail napkin and we were inseparable that summer. We were... Hayden and Georgia... that couple that couldn't keep their hands off each other. Everyone hated us. We spent every day on the beach, and every night I sat at the end of the bar while he worked and then we'd go skinny dipping under the state pier after he got off."

I smile and get a delightful charge from the look of complete amazement on my daughter's face. "You think you all invented this stuff? Well you didn't. I was quite a little red-haired hottie in my day and he... brought out a side of me I'd never imagined existed."

I stop for a minute and stand up, crossing the floor and moving the curtains to watch Jesse coming up the walkway. This might be the first-time Belle has actually listened to me in a very long time, and I relish the chance to have her attention for once.

"So, where was I? Yes, summer came and went, as it invariably does. And at the end of it, I told him goodbye. I didn't want to, but... I had plans, and I'd made a commitment. I was wearing another man's ring. My parents had expectations for me."

I stop, and I sit down again and continue. "Here's the thing that no one tells you when you're young and that much in love. You think when you're that age that'll it'll always be that way; you think you're always going to be ripping each other's clothes off and sitting up crying all night long because you can't sleep because you miss him so much. You think you're always going to want to get out of bed at 5:00 am just to call him and hear his voice, or go to sleep with the phone line open so..."

"So, you can hear him breathing." Belle finishes for me.

"Exactly. But there's so much more to marriage and to growing up and growing old with someone than that part; that's the little part and this..." I say, motioning to her and around my house... to my life. "This is what marriage is. This is life Belle."

She looks at me so sadly, and if I'm being completely honest, it's a look that borders on condescending. She shakes her head disapprovingly before she says, "So all of this? Was it worth walking away from someone you loved so much?"

I listen to her question and I think about it; not because I don't know the answer. I think about it because after all these years I can never make myself think about any choice other than the one I made.

Finally, I shake my head and say, "I don't know Belle. I married the bartender."

She stares at me in stunned silence and I continue. "I was back at school exactly a week when your dad showed up with a ring. He told me he'd enrolled in real estate school and was moving back home with his father to save money. He begged me to wait for him and, of course, I did. It wasn't ever even a question. He was the love of my life; is the love of my life. There's no set of circumstances that I can imagine where I'd ever make a different choice." I explain as tears begin to cloud my vision and my voice.

"If Max is the love of your life then I want you to marry him, but I want you to know what you're doing because it won't always be like it is when you're twenty. You marry this man who is your reason for living and the next thing you know you're living in some God-forsaken town you never wanted to be in and the housing market ebbs and flows and the Gators don't make it to the playoffs and... you can't give him a child. And suddenly the hot sex that you could count on even when nothing else worked is replaced with temperature charts and hormone spikes and optimum positions and injections and wearing certain underwear. And there's the first miscarriage, and the second and eventually the seventh... and he tells you that it doesn't matter. He tells you that you're enough. He tells you that an adopted family is still a family. But his father had four strapping sons and his three brothers have eleven kids between them; seven of them boys."

I lean forward and hold her face in my hands, wiping away a tear from her cheek first, and then I continue. "And then you have a daughter; the most perfect baby girl that anyone could have ever asked for. And the doctor takes the choice out of your hands and tells you that you can't try again. And you think you can finally quit and just enjoy your life. And then suddenly your house becomes a revolving door for stray children; children that will never be yours... never part of your family. And then there was Hayden."

I release her face and wonder if I should continue. There's no mistaking how much my daughter still idolizes the boy who has always served as the reminder of my inability to give my husband a son. But I made a promise before I came in here that I was going to be honest with Belle about this even if it was hard. So, I stand up and face the window and continue. "My God, the first time I saw that boy, I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. He reminded me so much of Jesse when I first met him... I actually had a momentary period where I convinced myself he was some sort of love child from another relationship. Of course, he looks nothing like your father, but it was his attitude. He came in here and he ate us out of house and home, lived and died for the damn Gators and he was always looking for a fight; which Jesse usually gave him. I spent years refereeing the fights of my husband and a teenaged boy who was nothing to me. And as if all of that wasn't enough, when he finally left, and I finally thought maybe I'd get my family back... my daughter stopped looking at me. Suddenly I was the last person on earth whose opinion mattered to you. When did I become your enemy Belle?"

I shake my head and don't wait for her to answer because the truth is that I have a pretty good idea what the answer would be. Instead I say, "My parents hated your father; I never knew why. He was extremely successful at real estate and he came from money, not old money, but working-class money. But they hated that I moved to Grassland and they really hated that I didn't marry a future Georgia state senator. I thought they were so horrible, but I see it all so clearly now."

"Why?" Belle asks in a small voice. "I mean... I understand that you want me to have an easy life; a safe, comfortable life. But I grew up in Grassland. I'm not rubbing elbows with future senators and congressman. Grassland is what I want. And Max is a good man with a good future. More importantly I love him. Why wouldn't you want that for me?"

I shrug because I don't have an answer for her.

"I love your father Belle. And if I could go back to that September day at Wesleyan College and know everything that I know now, I would still trade that three-karat solitaire for my quarter karat chip without a second thought."

"Has it all been bad?" Belle asks through tremulous lips.

I laugh ruefully and say, "Belle, don't you get it? You and Max, Hayden and Georgia... you all think that what you have is so unique and something no one else has ever felt before. Of course, it hasn't been all bad. Most of it hasn't been bad; it's just been life."

Belle

The lights of Charles Moore-Haley Memorial Stadium are one of the most visible sights in town on a game night, but having grown up here... I'm kind of partial to it being dark like this.

I hear Max coming from all the way up at the concession level, but I don't turn around. Even now I'm not sure what I'm doing here; not at all sure that this isn't a huge mistake. He finally reaches my row and slides in beside me. We're both quiet for a minute, sitting together... hips and knees barely touching. Finally, he says, "So why here?"

I smile and say, "Because I love it here. I loved watching you play; except when you got hurt. But when Carson would throw a long pass and you'd go up... head and shoulders above anyone else and reach out with your long arms and big hands and just catch it; without ever slowing down on your way into the end zone; I wanted to run up to the press box, grab the microphone and make sure everyone in the stadium knew you were mine."

There's something different about Max tonight; he's not his usual open, easy self. He seems guarded and a little cautious; maybe even afraid. "You sounded upset in your text; you said you needed to talk as friends. What's going on?"

This is crazy. Max is the last person I should have called. I don't know where I am on the whole subject of us. As usual, I'm being selfish and putting what I want ahead of what's best for him. But the truth is that I do need a friend tonight; and Max is more than just the man I love. He's my best friend and the only person I want to talk to when I'm really upset.

"I'm sorry about this. I... just didn't know who else to call. I had the most insane conversation with my mother." I begin, telling him the whole story.

When I'm through he gapes at me for a minute and then says, "Your dad was a bartender and your mom swam... naked under a public pier?"

I nod. "It would seem so."

"Wow." He says, sitting quietly for a minute. "Okay, so what's up with her saying that they were like 'Hayden and Georgia'? Why not say they were like us? We're hot."

I laugh at his ludicrous question, but then I realize he's at least a little serious. "I'm sorry, but we were never the hot couple. We were the cute couple; the sweet couple that gave everyone a stomach ache and cavities."

He snorts and says, "Well, I thought we were pretty hot that night at Carson's."

I sigh and blush a little as a string of memories assault my senses. "If memory serves we were pretty hot several times that night; and a whole lot of other nights too. The point is... we were hot behind closed doors. Hayden and Georgia just look at each other and you can tell they're mentally undressing."

"Ick... my sister and your almost brother. Don't go there. So, who was the hot couple in our group?"

"I guess Carson and Torie." I answer with a shrug.

"Torie maybe. Carson was just along for the ride."

I laugh again, and I can't believe that after everything we've been through, everything I've heard tonight... he can still make me laugh.

"Do you think she's right? Have we convinced ourselves that what we had was something bigger and grander than anyone has ever felt before?"

I can see him thinking and finally, he says, "I can see where she's coming from. How many times have I wished that you didn't matter so much; that you were just some high school crush and time apart would reduce you to a fond memory?"

"You wish that about me?" I ask, and I'm more shocked that I'd admit.

"Do you think I like feeling like this?" He asks, and I realize what's different about him tonight. He's angry; as angry as I've seen him since the night at the Piggly Wiggly when I told him I didn't want to be his friend.

"I don't know. I always loved loving you, but I guess maybe that's just me." I say, and my temper begins to meet his.

"Don't be smug with me. I loved loving you. I mean this part; the part when you decide that you don't want to play anymore!"

"So, we're not just talking about this time; we're talking about all the times?" I question, my voice rising.

"Well let's take a trip down memory lane. We have sex, and then you cut off all communication with me. You decided you wanted to be friends with me and then you decided you didn't. Then you decided you wanted to date. Then I decided I wanted to break up and you went and made out with my best friend to snap me back in line. Then you decided you wanted to break up and get engaged to someone else and basically live our life with him and the whole time you gave me no explanation. Then we had sex again and then you decided you just wanted to be friends and then you told me you loved me, but you hated me, and you left town and once again cut off communication and then tonight I guess you want to be friends again... but, hey, the nights still young. You could decide to have sex and then dump me again before morning!"

"This was a mistake." I say, starting to leave, but he stands and blocks my path.

"No! You don't get to just walk out on me tonight! You deserved to hear all of that and now you're going to sit back down and we're going to talk about whatever it is you came here to talk about."

"Fine." I say, flopping down in a huff. "But let's get one thing straight. I did not make out with Carson. It was one benign little kiss to prove a point!"

"Fine... you wanted to know if I agreed with your mother. No. Of course, not! We've had our share of wonderful, but we've had plenty of hard times too. I don't think she's taking into account the abortion and the Marines and colleges with a state in between us and the summer in San Francisco. How... how would we have ever survived any of that if we didn't love each other more than anything? Why would you possibly put yourself through the trials of a marriage with someone unless you knew there was no possible way to live happily without them?"

I take a deep breath and I close my eyes as a wave of reality washes over me. I will never be able to live happily without him. I'm not even sure if I'll survive without him. But for the first time ever he's looking at me like he's not so sure I'm worth the effort. This is the moment I've feared since I first realized how much I loved him.

"And another thing." He continues. "I'm happy that your mom opened up to you, really I am. I know how much your relationship has hurt you over the years. But I think she's full of crap. All that stuff that she calls 'life'. It is life and it's a good thing. I know that the infertility years were hard but look what they got. They got you! And the foster kids were a challenge, but how many kids' lives are better because of them? And Hayden? Your dad and Hayden have a wonderful relationship that has changed both of their lives for the better. And think of what Hayden meant to you! Wouldn't it have been a whole lot easier to get on board with that? Instead, she let this resentment chip away at her marriage and her relationship with her daughter. I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that's how marriage has to be."

I nod and I'm quiet for a minute but then I say, "That's what I think too."

"Is that really what you think?" He asks skeptically.

"Yes. I want to have a better relationship with my mom and I want her blessing with whatever life I choose. Mostly I want her and my father to be happy with one another since it's obvious that she loves him and was once incredibly happy with him. But I just kept thinking... it doesn't have to be that way. That isn't life. And I don't think that what we have is something unique that no one's ever felt before. But we've never felt it before, except with each other and that makes it unique, right?"

"Why are you still talking about us in the present tense?" Max asks, and again there's no denying that he's hostile and angry with me. It's almost enough to make me shrink away from him. But if there's even still a shred of hope, I have to put aside my fears and say what needs to be said.

"Do you think of us in the past tense now?" I force myself to ask.

"I'm not the one who left 'us'." He says sullenly.

"I left because I had to and not because I wanted to. This isn't past tense for me. It'll never be past tense!" I cry, but the words are barely out of my mouth before he drags me to him and his mouth crushes down on me. I cling to him desperately like it's been years since we were together instead of a month. But then he pulls away with just as much voracity and I'm left trembling and bereft without him.

"We can't do this." He breaths, sliding down the bleachers away from me.

I nod, and my voice is hollow when I say. "So, I've really done it this time? I've succeeded in pushing you away."

He shakes his head.

"No, that's not it." He says, taking a few steadying breaths and then reaching out and taking my hand, like he's done so many times before when we'd gone further than we should. Everything in me wants to slide into the protective curve of his embrace, but I don't.

"So, what is the problem?" I ask tremulously.

"When you first broke up with me I was disappointed and hurt and I wanted to think it was all because of Madi being born, or all because of your mother; even all because of the abortion. But I've had a lot of time to think these past few weeks and I've realized that our relationship, as good as it was, wasn't perfect. In fact, we had some pretty big flaws; flaws that we ignored because we were afraid of being the one to point it out or afraid of hurting the other one. I don't know if you'd ever consider being in this with me again, but if you did there are things that we'd have to fix first."

I nod and think of the conversation Lilly and I had a few weeks ago. I guess it comes as no surprise that Max and I would come to this realization at roughly the same time.

"So, you go first." I finally say.

"What do you mean?"

"I have a list of flaws. I'm sure you have a list of flaws. What's on your list?"

"It's not a list. It's just that... we never fight."

"We've fought tonight." I argue.

"Before tonight we never fought. We fought when I broke up with you and when you broke up with me. That's it."

"Nooo." I say, searching my memory and coming up empty.

"We never fought... not even about normal stuff like me asking you what you wanted for dinner and you always said..."

"I don't care." I respond. "But I really didn't care."

"I guarantee sometimes you cared."

"Well... I guess I always thought it was a good thing that we didn't fight." I reasoned. "You know. We were just that good together."

He gives me a sidelong glance and I say, "It doesn't mean we were good together?"

"Of course, it does... but I think it shines a light on our problems too."

"Why didn't you fight with me?" I ask, almost afraid of the answer.

"Because I was always afraid of losing you."

I nod because somewhere inside I knew that was what he was going to say. "Okay... lay it on me. What didn't you fight about with me?"

He sits for a minute as if he's thinking, but when he blurts his answer, I know it's been on the tip of his tongue for years.

"Carson."

"Seriously? Are we still on that?"

"We were never on that. I gave Carson holy hell about it but you... I never even gave a cross word." He says, his voice rising again.

"It was nothing!" I scream.

"It was my girlfriend confiding stuff to my best friend!"

"I wasn't your girlfriend when I confided to Carson!"

"What the hell? You broke your neck the other day to get to him after we saw each other at the shell station."

"I hate to break it to you, but I wasn't your girlfriend then either." I say sarcastically, standing up and walking around the bleachers but then coming back to face him. "God, you act like you've owned me ever since I tumbled down the sidelines! Carson was my friend long before I was your girlfriend, and I will talk to him or anybody else I want to whether you like it or not!"

"Well I don't like it. But why should I think that would matter because you never cared what I liked anyway."

"I never cared? Who did we always go out with? Carson and Torie and Fisher. We never went anywhere with my friends."

"You never wanted to go with your friends."

"I never said it."

"Well, why didn't you?"

"Because I got an abortion, so I pretty much used up my 'right to choose' for the rest of my life!" I say tearfully and as always, I watch it hit him like a brick; and that's the moment I realize that the abortion has become my trump card. Whenever I want to avoid a fight or keep him from being mad at me I remind him how guilty I feel about the abortion and it puts him right back in the palm of my hand.

He squares his shoulders and sits sulkily for a while before saying, "I didn't want to have a baby either. We were kids. We weren't even together. It's easy now to say 'we fell in love. We would have been such good parents'. But there's no reason to think it wouldn't have been a disaster."

I sit down beside him again and say, "You didn't make the choice. I did."

"I would have." He replies. "I think I would have probably made the same choice. At the time, it didn't seem like there was any other choice to make."

"But I didn't let you." I bite, my anger becoming more akin to rage with each second. "Where's that fight?"

"Belle." He says softly, but I continue.

"You owe me that fight. I owe you that fight. Let me have it."

He sits for a long time and then stands up and walks down a few more steps to the fence overlooking the field and turns back to me. "I was a nice guy. Like me, dislike me, love me, don't love me... the point is I was nothing but nice to you ever. You should have told me. You should have told me before Hayden; definitely before Carson. I should have been the one who went with you to talk to Claire; who drove you to Pensacola. It wasn't about us! It was about my baby."

I nod with tears streaming down my face, but for the first time ever he seems unfazed by my reaction. "You just cut me out. Even before that when we had sex and you made me feel like a stalker! I wasn't calling and texting because I was so desperate for you! It was your first time. It was my first time. It was a big deal and you ignored me and avoided me and acted like I was the problem so all I could think was that you hated me, and I had traumatized you." He says, his voice thick with emotion.

"I didn't hate you! I was crazy about you! How could I not be? You were cute and so sweet, and you didn't take advantage of me when you could have and we... talked so easily. And... for both of our first-time, things went really well. I didn't hate you. But you were playing like ten levels ahead of me."

"Well when you showed up at Maci's and threw yourself at me I think you skipped a bunch of levels! Wouldn't you agree?"

"So, what? You're calling me, like a slut?"

"That is idiotic! Of course, not. But you slept with me and then you ignored me. If I had done that to you, you'd have had Hayden come beat the hell out of me. And I would have deserved it."

"Well I would have rather Georgia beat the hell out of me than the way she treated me for years... she always acted like I was just some shallow adolescent who didn't even care about you."

"I can't control what Georgia did."

"She got it from you! She never would have thought that way about me, if you hadn't led her to believe that was the kind of person I was! You've never given me credit for loving you as much as you love me!"

"I never doubted that you loved me. I knew you loved me before you did." He replies, coming to stand in front of me again.

I rise to meet him. "No. You knew I liked you. Do you remember prom night?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Prom night... I wanted you to tell me when you loved me. You didn't ask me to tell you! You didn't ask because deep down you didn't believe I loved you!'

"I believed it." He says, backing away and sitting in front of me with his back turned. "I just ... I loved you so much. And I was afraid if I asked I might have to face that you didn't love me as much as I loved you."

"I always felt like I had done this terrible thing to you so... if you picked a dumb movie to watch, or wanted to go to a costume party dressed as Steak-n-Shake... I aborted your baby without your permission, so I was always the one who should have to give in."

"I always felt like... you were maybe just with me because you knew how I felt about you and you felt so guilty about aborting my baby without my permission."

I shake my head even though he's sitting in front of me and can't see. I drop down a row and sit beside him, lacing my fingers through his because it hurts so much to hear the pain in his voice; I need to be connected to him in some way. He folds his other hand around our joined hands and we sit together like that for a while.

At last I say, "That was exactly the reason that I didn't want to be with you. I was used to being the good girl; the agreeable girl. And I did feel guilty and I didn't want to be with someone when I went into the relationship with such a surplus of the guilt."

He's quiet for a long time before asking, "So when did you know you loved me?"

"The day I told you I was pregnant. The time you threw up and I still thought you were cute. When you came to my house and had to face my dad before I'd even gone out with you. When you wouldn't have sex with me on prom night. When we did finally have sex before you left for the marines; which was perfect just like you said it would be. When you came to Macon to see me my first day at school. So many other times I can't even begin to name them." I sigh and look at him, touching his face because I just can't seem to stop myself. "Tonight, when you came here because I needed you. But when I really knew how much I loved you... A year ago, when I was looking at Madi through the nursery window and picturing our baby; with your big dark eyes and my red hair, and I knew I didn't have that baby. And now I can't ever have that baby. So, I knew that if I loved you, I had to let you go."

He looks at me for a long time, and I think he's going to kiss me, but he ends up just touching my face the same way I'd touched his. "You don't get to have all the guilt. I got you pregnant."

I roll my eyes. "I let you."

He strokes my cheek and I ask him, "Do you think about it?"

"Every day." He answers without hesitation. "I think that's the reason I never let myself fight with you. I always go back to that day when I came to see you after... I think at that moment I'd have done anything in the world to ensure that you never looked like that again. You weren't sad... I mean sad isn't enough of a word. You were..."

"Lost. I was adrift; like drowning and lost and suffocating all at one time. And the more I loved you, the more I felt that way when I thought about... our baby."

When his arms finally slide around me, I collapse against him and the tears come. I've cried so many times in the last year without him and in the many years since the abortion. I can feel that he's crying too. And that's when I realize that this is the first time we've ever grieved together for our baby.

I'm not sure how long we sit there; how long we cry together. But finally, it stops and I'm just sitting there in the strong circle of his arms, breathing in his familiar scent. I feel his chest rise, and I know, he's about to say something and I brace myself for what he's going to say next and I know it might lead me to dissolve in tears again.

When he speaks, I hold my breath, and he says, "Okay, so now tell me what was wrong with our Steak-n-Shake costume. We won second place!"

Jesse

My father was one of those classic stories of being in the right place at the right time. At twenty-two he bought a commercial fishing boat and began doing business with the local seafood plants. Within ten years he owned nine such boats and several other ventures including a string of ocean rentals, and a charter fishing tour. He was a good man, but a hard one. My mother died when I was eight, so it was always my dad and four sons being raised in a house with only a housekeeper. We did the majority of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and yard work, and you never missed church or football practice unless you were near death.

When we turned eighteen we were expected to go out on our own and take care of ourselves; it didn't seem strange to us. It was just the way we were raised. I went to University of Mobile, worked at a used car lot, waited tables on the weekends and shared an apartment with three other guys. The summer I was twenty-three I broke up with a serious girlfriend and followed my roommates to Pensacola to tend bar.

After I met Dana, my part time traverse through college just wasn't going to cut it. I was good with money and had quite a lot saved. I went home and asked my dad if I could move back in for a few months till I passed my real estate test. I fully expected him to refuse me, but he acted as if I was crazy to have ever worried.

I thought that I was that kind of father and husband; the kind that made my expectations clear but was always understanding when things didn't work out like you planned. But these last years with Hayden have shown me that I was obviously harder on him and Belle than I ever intended to be. It never occurred to me though, that I was hard on my wife too.

"Are you awake?" I ask, joining Dana in our room where she's in bed reading on her tablet.

"I am." She says, laying it on the night stand and looking up at me expectantly.

I sit down next to her, still dressed from work and say, "I overheard a lot of what you said to Belle."

She nods and smiles sadly. "She had this crazy idea that I married you for the big house on Coden Bayou Rd and a membership to The Grassland Country Club."

I laugh ruefully. "It's a great house... not a great Country Club. I doubt either would serve as enough motivation to keep you in a marriage."

She reaches for my hand and says, "I told her you were the love of my life."

I look down and hesitate before finally asking, "Is it true?"

"Of course." She says seriously.

"Why didn't you tell me how unhappy you were with the foster kids; especially Hayden? You stood beside me when we took Avery to court to try to get him. You didn't even hesitate to let him live with us again when he came out of prison. Why?"

She shrugs and says, "Because you wanted It. I always want to give you what you want."

"I wanted a family." I say sadly.

She looks at me and then looks away. "I thought we were a family."

"You were taking three different antidepressants just to be able to take care of Belle! All you talked about was how guilty you felt because we couldn't have more children."

"I only said that because it was what you wanted." She says guiltily.

"I was afraid of what you were going to do. Adoption wasn't working. I thought that foster children would take the pressure off you. Not make things harder." I argue.

"I didn't want you to fix me. I wanted you to tell me that I was perfect the way I was. That Belle and I were perfect!" She erupts angrily.

"You were perfect; both of you. I never thought that you and Belle weren't enough. But I had three brothers. I know how important siblings are and I wanted that for her. But I never would have done it if I'd known how you felt."

She shakes her head and reaches for my hand again. "If you'd never done this you wouldn't have Hayden. I could never take him away from you... or Belle."

I squeeze her hand and ask the question that has always been too terrifying for me to voice aloud. "Why do you hate him?"

"I don't." She says with tears in her eyes, and maybe it's just wishful thinking but I believe her. "I just... he was just one more kid to me who was going to be taken away. Seven babies, countless foster kids... I've pushed Belle so hard to be who I thought she should be that I've almost lost her too."

"You haven't lost Belle."

"What about you?" She asks, as the tears finally spill over onto her face; still as beautiful as it ever was.

"Not even if you tried." I assure her, and I've never meant anything more.

"Never." She says, her face lightening just a little. "How do I get her back?"

"Just show up. And accept Max."

"They're not even together." She argues.

"They will be. And if they're not, Belle's going to need more from us than just support." I reason, reaching out to her and she leans into my side and puts her head on my shoulder.

"If you could have seen the look on Belle's face when I told her you were a bartender and we used to skinny dip in the ocean." She says, her voice holding more laughter than I've heard in years.

"You told her that?" I say, in shock.

"Oh, grow up Jesse." She teases. I can't remember the last time she teased me about anything. "She and Max have been having sex since before she turned sixteen."

"No... I mean yes she did, but then they didn't for a long time." I argue, not at all comfortable with the direction this conversation has taken.

"How do you know that?" She asks, turning to look at me.

"I talked to Belle about it." I answer with a shrug.

"You talked to our daughter about her sex life?" She says incredulously.

"I learned from Hayden how well it works to think they're going to fall in line with rules and expectations." I explain. "We taught her right from wrong and raised her right. We gave her discipline and told her what we expected, but that only gets you so far and then we have to trust that the way we raised her and more importantly the faith we instilled in her will be enough. And when she messes up, we have to help her get through it."

She holds on to me a little tighter and says, "I hate that she's more comfortable talking to you about these things... She'd even rather talk to Hayden than me."

"It's not too late." I tell her, and I hope I'm not wrong. "Hayden and Georgia are having a cookout this weekend. Come with me."

"Will I be welcome?" She asks timidly.

I kiss her forehead and say, "Only one way to find out."

Claire

"Look at this. You have a real classroom." I say, greeting Belle on Wednesday morning. "You know how when you're a little kid you think your teachers never go home and just live in their classrooms? I guess I always thought PE teachers lived in the gym."

She crosses the floor and embraces me warmly, saying, "Mostly I am in there, but I do units on foods and nutrition and proper exercise. So, what are you doing here?"

"Picking up school supply lists." I answer holding up my piece of paper.

"That's right. Andy will be a 1st grader. I'll have him in class."

"Oh yes. He knows and is super excited." I answer truthfully. He's always had a crush on her. Caity and Celia alternate between idolizing her and being jealous because she's got Max; or at least she had Max.

"Can you believe my Caity will be a junior and Celia a freshman. It seriously feels like yesterday that you and Carson and Max were that age."

"I know it does. Is Celia going to be a majorette like Caity?"

"Not yet. She's in the band this year, but we'll see. Caity is dating a receiver. He's a senior. That freaks me out."

"Avery will have to get a hold of him."

"Oh, we've got it covered. Max told him if he did anything to upset her he'd break both his arms and then make sure he never got another pass thrown his way in his life." I tell her and then I wonder if it's a mistake to mention Max, but she smiles with a quiet sort of pride when I talk about him; it's much the same look that made me realize that he was the baby's father all those years ago.

Belle's smile fades and I wonder if she's reading my mind, but then she says, "Claire I was practically a zombie, but thank you so much for all your help with the wedding cancellations. I am so grateful."

"You know I would do anything to help you. So, how are you?" I ask, and she motions me to sit in a desk and she takes one of the chairs in the front of the room.

"I'm okay. I have an appointment with a family counselor who specializes in post abortion counseling, and Max has found a support group in Foley he wants us to visit."

"That sounds like a really good idea. So, are you and Max...?"

"No. we saw each other night before last. I think I went planning to tell him I wanted to get back together. It's like 'my life is a mess and Max is so good at taking care of me.' But when I got there, he's finally starting to be mad at me; it's only taken seven years." She says with a doleful laugh before adding, "We had a fight."

"Okay?" I say, wondering at the significance of this.

"We've never fought about anything. But it started, and it just kept going and growing and we kept dragging more stuff into it and before it was over I think we had ten fights going at once."

I stare at her waiting for her to show some sign that she's upset by this, but clearly, she isn't so I ask her to explain this to me.

"We never fought. It's like neither of us ever trusted that the other one would still love of us if we disagreed about something. But this fight went for hours and... even though we didn't get back together I felt like for the first time, I didn't have to worry about pushing him too far for him to still love me. It was liberating." She says with a sigh.

"So, do you think you'll be able to work things out and be together?" I ask hopefully.

She shakes her head sadly. "I don't know. We can fight and make up and everything can be wonderful again; let's face it. We've managed to be together for six years and just now have our first fight. Things are good with us. But it doesn't change the baby thing."

"What does he say about that?"

"We haven't talked about it yet. I don't know if that's a bad sign or just timing."

"Belle, there was a time when you all were teenagers when you and I were so close; I felt like you were one of my own children. But since last summer, you've basically cut me off. Do you blame me for your abortion?" I ask, and I'm nearing tears despite how much I didn't want to make this about me.

"Claire, don't be ridiculous." Belle says, coming to embrace me again. "If anything, I think I feel like you're looking at me and thinking, 'I told you so.' You tried to talk me out of it, and I just wouldn't listen."

"No, no." I say, hugging her tightly. "Never think that. You were in a terrible spot and under different circumstances I don't know that I wouldn't have made the same choice. No one who hasn't been there has any right to judge you."

"My parents have taken the news far better than I'd have guessed. Of course, for my dad anyway, I think the fact that I told him about it in the same sitting with telling him that I'd spent the night with Max while engaged to Jacob, probably sort of dulled the blow a little. He was probably in shock."

"Bless him." I say truthfully. I can't imagine hearing Caity or Celia tell me something like that.

"I think last year after Madi was born... I might have had... what my grandmother would call a nervous collapse." Belle admits haltingly. "I mean... the normal thing under the circumstances would have been to come home and see a doctor, not get engaged to the first guy who asked me for coffee."

I nod. "I think probably so. It had probably been building for a while."

"I want to get better. I want more than anything to be able to be with Max; to have children with him. I'm not stupid. I know how much he loves me. I know that he's never going to be as happy with someone else as he would be with me. I did this terrible thing to him and then I made him love me and now it would just be awful for me not to be his wife and the mother of his children."

"Listen to me." I say, taking her hands. "It would be horrible for you not to marry him and have his children because you two belong together. But you've got to stop feeling like you owe him penance. He doesn't want that, and you don't owe him that. One of my favorite verses says, 'For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything'."

Belle smiles sadly and says, "It sounds easy when you say it."

"I know." I say truthfully. "But that's not God making you feel guilty... it's not Max either. This isn't about you loving Max enough or him loving you. It's about you letting God forgive you for what you've done so that you can forgive yourself. Belle, whether you and Max make it work or not, you've got to accept God's forgiveness or you're never going to have any kind of a future."

Max

I'd know those legs anywhere.

I walk around the corner of the field house and I see a pair of legs tumbling through a back handspring. I know instantly that the legs belong to Belle, but what I don't know is if she's really here at school doing a back flip or if I've finally snapped from it all and I'm hallucinating.

I walk to the fence and she's clapping along with the junior varsity cheerleaders, wearing her gold shorts with an old green number 16 t-shirt, and I'm taken back to a time not so long ago when I was the player and she was the cheerleader and three or four hours of classes and practice without seeing each other seemed like an eternity.

She turns around and for one moment she smiles with the same carefree easy welcome that I would have gotten back then, and I long for a time before things got so complicated. But then I remember things were always that complicated, but we were just too in love and too scared to face it. So, I smile and wave and walk on to the locker room and get to work.

We're only a few weeks out from our season opener and with the loss of the quarterback coach, something I feel inadvertently responsible for, we're all trying to step up our game. With two-a-days in full swing I'm here this afternoon watching game films and trying to find an answer to Phenix City's record setting defense.

"Knock, knock. Are you busy?" Belle asks from the doorway.

"Just watching some film. Come on in." I say flipping on the light switch. "I saw you out there doing one of your flips. I thought I had time traveled for a minute."

She laughs. "I'm helping out with the JV squad; hoping they'll make it permanent. But I was showing out a little, trying to get them motivated to be more aggressive tumblers, and I realized I am not seventeen anymore. I might be in a body cast tomorrow."

I don't tell her that she's still appears to be every bit as fit as she was at seventeen, if a little too thin. "They'd be lucky to have you. I hope it works out."

"Yes, well I thought I had them all focused after the handspring and then they all went on high-alert with the preening and posing. That was when I realized someone was behind me. I wasn't at all surprised to find that it was you. You're going to be trouble for a bunch of cheerleaders." She teases and, unless I'm slipping, I think she's actually flirting with me.

"Yes, well while we're on the subject, don't come around my players dressed like that." I add with a hint of flirting myself. Truthfully this is probably my favorite thing she ever wears including formal wear and sexy lingerie.

"I'll keep that in mind." She says saucily before turning more serious. "I actually wanted to let you know that I made an appointment with that counselor for Friday afternoon."

"Good. Do you want me to go with you, or take you?"

"No, I'll be fine. I also checked, and that group has a meeting on Tuesday's at 6:45."

"Yeah, I actually went this week." I say nervously.

"Without me?"

"Well, you weren't sure about it, but I felt like it was really something I needed so yeah. I went ahead and went. There were other... men there alone." I say, correcting myself before I say fathers; even though the reality is that's how I feel.

"What was it like?" She asks, and I can tell she's both interested and unsure.

"It was good; a lot of people like us who aren't entirely comfortable with the choice they made but aren't sure they'd do anything different in the same situation. There were some younger and some much older. We all just talked about what we struggle with and how to work with it; since we've all pretty much concluded that we're not going to get over it." I explain. "There was a couple there... they dated in high school and got pregnant and didn't have it. Then they went to college and got married and now they're expecting again. They're having a tough time with it; she's especially really struggling."

"Wow, you live with this for so long you start to think that you're the only person who's ever felt this way."

I nod because she's right. I never thought of myself as the kind of person who would want to sit around and share my feelings with strangers, but there's comfort in knowing you're not alone with your thoughts. "I really hope you'll come. I think it would be good for you to talk to that girl in particular."

"I'd like that." She says sincerely. "I'm nervous about Friday's appointment, but I'm looking forward to it too. I want to get... better?"

I nod, but then I can't help myself from adding, "Don't say it like that. You don't need to get better. You just need help dealing with this. It's bigger than... us; way bigger than we realized at sixteen and seventeen."

"Hmmm, there was a time when you were very sure that nothing was bigger than us." She says, and I smile because she's right.

"Well, unfortunately as Carson would tell you, I'm surprisingly naïve for one who was raised the way I was."

"Georgia can feel good about that."

"Speaking of Georgia; are you gonna be at their place this weekend?" I ask. What started out as "Caleb will be in town so come over and we'll grill out." Turned into an all-out event with the whole family and then some ending up invited. But they have the house for it and with summer coming to an end, we all want to soak up the beach as long as we can.

She shrugs and offers a noncommittal. "I don't know."

"Why not? You know your dad will be there." I argue.

"I know, but... Georgia's your sister."

"Hayden is your brother." I respond.

"Max... I'm the problem here, not you. I don't want to make things uncomfortable with you around your family."

"Okay, first of all, they're our family. As long as we've been together and as tangled as it was before, I don't differentiate between them now and neither do they. Second, you're not the problem. We both agreed the other night that there were other problems with us that we have avoided dealing with. And... I know you pretty well, so I don't think I'm fooling myself when I say you came planning to get back together the other night, am I right?" She looks awkward but finally nods. "And finally, it doesn't have to be uncomfortable. Just come and have fun. We both need our family right now."

She sighs and says, "I'm thinking of leaving at the end of this school year."

"Why?"

"Because you told my dad you were leaving, and I don't want you to leave so maybe I should leave."

"And maybe neither of us should leave. Like I said, we both need our family. I for one don't plan on going anywhere... and I don't want you to either." I say and realize that I'm being completely truthful, but if you'd ask me about it thirty seconds before it came out of my mouth I'd have had a completely different answer.

She nods and says, "I guess I should get out of here. I know you have work to do."

"I'm glad you came by." I say honestly. She already seems less fragile than she did just a few days ago. Whether she realizes it or not, she's getting stronger.

"And if you decide you want me to go with you Friday all you have to do is ask." I add.

She smiles and nods and starts for the door, but I add just before she leaves. "You better be there Saturday. Don't make me send Georgia after you."

Caleb

"Caleb Sanders, I have seriously missed you!" Georgia says approaching me with open arms.

I make my way onto the wrap around deck that looks out on Hayden's prized piece of Grassland and I'm welcomed with another hug by Hayden's greatest prize.

"I'm telling you Georgia, do not let Hayden turn that boy into a defensive back. He's like greased lightning. He's gotta be a tail back."

"Well you've got a d-back, a wide-receiver and a tight-end so they've all staked their claim on those two." She says pointing to scrappy Ryder and Andy, a blonde haired little chunk who already tags after the older boy like he's a God. They're throwing the football and running plays along with Hayden, Avery, Max and Fisher as well as Caity's boyfriend. Jesse Carpenter comes out to coach occasionally but mostly he's stationed under the shade in an Adirondack chair with his wife, who's arrival shocked everyone. Belle goes back and forth between her parents and Claire, Caity and Celia; who are soaking up the last of the summer sun in the water and on the pier. Even to me, it's obvious that Belle and Max are avoiding each other, but never far out of one another's sightline. I've been out there with the game but took the arrival of the boyfriend to escape and join Georgia.

"Seriously Georgia, how did this happen? Hayden Nichols is a dad. I mean look at him." I say watching him pretend to tackle Ryder, but swinging him off the ground instead, which is met by peals of laughter from the little boy who looks startlingly like him.

"A month ago, Ryder would have freaked if he'd picked him up like that. He bears scars that we still don't know all about."

"Don't they both?" I ask, looking at my friend and thinking of how far he's come in seven years.

"True. But that's why Hayden is so good with him. Of course, he says when Ryder is a teenager he'll catch his karmic retribution."

Georgia is still a knockout, even more so now that she's expecting. There was a time when I actually convinced myself Georgia was the one I really wanted, but over the years I've realized that somewhere along the way I lost sight of what I really wanted and instead I fixated on the idea of having someone who would always be in my corner; have my back whether I always deserved it or not... the way Georgia is with Hayden.

"Do you know what Karma is? Hayden Nichols having a daughter who looks like you." I say, and Georgia laughs easily.

"We are too old for this." Avery claims as he reaches for a bottle of iced water, followed by Hayden who appears to be suffering less from heat and exhaustion and more from too many consecutive minutes away from Georgia.

"Well, I can assure you that number77 is still in game shape." Georgia teases with a wink, which earns her a kiss from Hayden.

"Do you two ever let up? Get a room already." I say with mock exasperation.

"We've got nine of them right here." Hayden says, gesturing to the house with one hand and the other arm draped casually around Georgia's shoulder.

"He seems good out there, doesn't he?" Georgia asks, with her brow furrowed with worry. Then she turns to me and Avery. "Ryder can be a little skittish around new people, but he seems good right now."

"He thinks Max walks on water." Hayden says, watching him laughing happily at something Max obviously said. "And Fisher is just another kid at heart so..."

"I think I know why Georgia chose him, other than that he looks freakishly like you. It's because he has the same starry-eyed view of her two favorite men; you and Max." After my accident when everything that had once been going my way was suddenly coming up roses for Hayden; I was more than a little jealous. But the life I've ended up with is ultimately my choice, and where I want to be. But I have to admit when I saw how that little boy looked at him, I wished, just for a moment, that I had a life more like his and Georgia's and less like the high-pressure, career-oriented one that I lead.

"Exactly." Georgia says with a laugh. "And he likes you and Avery too, so as far as I can see he's an excellent judge of character."

"He and Andy both will remember this for a while." Avery adds, watching as Fisher tosses the ball to Ryder, and Max steers Andy toward him for the tackle which speedy Ryder easily eludes. There's no missing the way Andy looks back to make sure Avery's watching and Ryder does the same thing with Hayden.

Avery looks on with a smile, before gesturing to where Claire, Caity and Celia are sunbathing. "Well, I'm going to join my girls. The boy keeps looking at Caity."

"Why'd you let her wear a bikini, dude?" Hayden asks with obvious disapproval.

When he's gone, Hayden turns to me and says, "So are we ever going to meet the girlfriend? Or have you two snuck off and gotten married without telling us?"

"You know I65 goes in both directions." I point out. The reality is that Kathryn is brilliant and in an extremely competitive neurosurgery residency. She resents any activity that pulls her out of the OR. But of the events she will tolerate, driving 300+ miles to Grassland isn't going to be high on the list.

"You know Hayden's roads only travel one direction. He's the only person in history to request a parole extension so he wasn't allowed to travel more than 50 miles away from home." Georgia says, with an affectionate elbow to his ribs.

"That is mean, and completely untrue. Can I help it if I live in the most perfect place on earth?" Hayden reasons, and when I look around, it's hard to argue his point.

"Sorry Georgia, but the man makes an excellent argument." I say.

"So, is she really not in any hurry to get married. You know you two aren't getting in younger." Hayden points out, and I roll my eyes.

"Hayden." Georgia scolds, giving him a playful swat, but then turning to me. "But seriously. She's clearly very confident. I'd imagine every sporty girl in Nashville is tearing her own ACL just to get an apt with Dr. Sanders."

"See, now that's a brilliant woman." I say, as Hayden scowls at me and Georgia laughs.

"I'm going inside for snacks. Anyone need anything?" She says starting for the kitchen but stopping when Hayden puts his hand on her shoulder.

"You need help?" Hayden asks.

She kisses him absently and says, "I got it. You guys bond."

When she's gone, I turn to him and say, "I can't believe you two. There was a time when I regularly thought I was going to have to call the police to break up a fight between you two. I mean, I didn't worry so much about you, but I expected any minute for Georgia to come out swinging."

"Oh, we can still take the roof off when we get going." He says, and then grins... "Be it a fight or any other activity."

"I don't believe you two still fight."

"We do. Not about Gator Babes and college anymore, but I forget to write down a check or Coop goes out on a case to a bad neighborhood in Mobile without backup. Man, we went fifteen rounds over that one." He says, nodding toward Ryder.

"You're kidding? You're crazy about him." I argue.

"I am, but I didn't want to do this. My whole life I was always at the mercy of case workers and home studies and judges and review boards, and then there was a parole officer and support groups. For the first time in my life, it was me and Coop and a baby on the way and we have a nice house and enough money to pay our bills and go the beach when we want. Suddenly, I was putting our family right back in the middle of all that. And I worried about Coop. She was so attached to him before he even got here. I just kept thinking that when they take him away – as they invariably will – she's going to die; we both will."

"So, this isn't permanent?"

He shrugs. "We want it to be. We started out as an emergency placement, and now we've applied for fostering to adopt. We've got another home study and a couple more classes before we're cleared. But then his grandmother has to either be declared unfit or has to willingly terminate custody."

"Where was he before the grandmother?"

"His mom was a junkie. She od'd when he was three. He lived with a boyfriend of hers for a few months and then DHR got involved so he ended up with the grandmother. She didn't want him, but didn't want him out of the family either so she got her older daughter involved and she took him. She had the boyfriend who beat him up and that's when he went into the system. His grandmother petitioned to get him back a year ago, but she's been diagnosed with dementia. DHR tried to get them some help, but she can't manage. His dad isn't in the picture. He's not even on the birth certificate."

"See that's what I don't get. Why is it even a question? You and Georgia love him. You want him. He loves you guys. You're both good people, with a nice house and you provide him a safe, healthy environment. There are too many kids in this world living in situations like he was in. Why won't they just let you have him, and call it done?"

"Well that would be Coop's area of expertise, but speaking as a product of the system, for every family like us, there's one who isn't. If every family I'd been with had taken me in the way Jesse did, I wouldn't have railed against him like he was public enemy number one. The last thing in the world I want is for us to lose Ryder. I don't want it for us, for him, for Grace... for anyone here. But for all the kids who are still out there, you can't be too careful."

"Your relationship with the Carpenters still amazes me. This is the first-time Dana Carpenter has ever been civil." I say, watching Ryder pass the ball back and forth with Jesse while Dana and Belle watch them and applaud.

"Later when they're gone I'll fill you in on the whole story that Belle shared with us."

"Is she doing okay?" I ask. I only recently knew the extent of what Belle and Max went through, but she's Hayden's sister as far as I'm concerned and he's Georgia's brother, so they matter to me.

"I hope so. She's had a tough time of it; she and Max both. However romantic the idea of 'love conquering all' might be, it doesn't always happen that way."

"No, it doesn't." I say, thinking back to times gone by.

I won't say that Aimee Asher never crosses my mind when I'm in Nashville, but there, I'm always busy; never still. I can focus on the world around me and almost forget that part of my life ever existed. But here in Grassland, a memory of Aimee is around every corner and it's hard not to think about what life might have been like.

It's not football that I wonder about. I've long since let that side of my life go, and I'm completely certain that medicine is the right choice for me. But I think back to that night when we were together at Christmas... it was so easy; like it used to be. Everything in me wanted to make that work, but I was scared of getting hurt. Instead, I ended up hurting her.

There's no use pretending that I don't know Aimee was hurt by the way I left her or that part of me wasn't trying to hurt her. But when I'm standing here, leaning against the railing overlooking the bay and watching Hayden and Georgia's son playing football, it's hard not to wonder what mine and Aimee's life together would have been.

"Stop it." Hayden says, coming to lean against the post beside me.

"What?" I ask guiltily.

"You're thinking about Aimee."

"No, I'm not." I lie.

"Yes, you are. My face might be an open book, but you have an 'Aimee Asher' look that I can read at fifty paces. If you want her, all you have to do is make the first move; but if you're not going to make the first move, don't think about her. It just messes with your head."

I nod, because he's right. I'm happy with the life I'm living with Kathryn in Nashville. Aimee is a part of my past; Kathryn is my future.

Georgia

"Is that the last of the dishes?" Hayden asks, closing the dishwasher.

"I think so. You go hang out with Caleb. I'll finish up here." I say, shooing him out of the kitchen. When he's gone, I continue cleaning, lost in thought until Belle joins me.

"He finally let you escape?" I ask, when she takes a seat at the table after being locked away with Ryder who requested she come see his room.

"I read Teammates and half of Game Day before he went to sleep." She says with a peaceful smile.

"I can't believe him. He won't let me read to him; says he's too old." I explain. "Of course, those books are his favorites because they were a gift from Carson before he left. Carson is everyone's hero around these parts."

"I'm an elementary PE teacher. All I have to do is tell a room full of rowdy boys that Carson Jennings is one of my best friends and they're in the palm of my hand."

"Well it's obvious he's in the palm of your hand." I say, nodding toward Ryder's room. "Although I guess that shouldn't be a surprise. You were the first person besides me and Caleb that Hayden ever trusted."

"He's so precious. It's hard to think about him growing up the way he did before he got here." She says sadly and then continues. "You know I look at him and I think Hayden was just a few years older than that when he came to live with us. I know mom was going through a tough time, but once she saw how much he needed our family; and how much daddy and I loved him, how could she not just fall in love with him too?"

I join her at the table and say, "I don't understand it either, but at least she's trying now. I'm sure she'd do things differently now if she could."

"I guess so..." She says stopping to ponder it and then adds. "Who am I to judge anyone and their past mistakes anyway, right?"

"Belle... I didn't say that, and I wasn't thinking it." I say, covering her hands with mine. "How was your doctor's appointment yesterday?"

She looks at me quizzically, so I add, "Your dad told Hayden."

"Oh... I figured it was Max."

"No, I hadn't said anything to Max about it and he didn't either. I wasn't sure you'd want him to know." I explain.

"He knows. And it was fine... not great, but fine. The problem is that I know everything she said. I know I can't change the past. I know I have to learn to forgive myself. I know that pushing away people I love like Max is only hurting me more. I know it, but I don't know how to do it."

I nod and think about what I want to say for a minute before telling her. "You know when Hayden first got out of prison and invited me to church with him, I almost freaked. I believed in God. I'd been to church and vacation Bible school when I was little. But mostly what I knew about church came from people like..."

"Like my dad?"

I shrug. "I love your dad and he's been wonderful to us, and he's changed a lot since Hayden came out of prison but yes. I knew people like him who looked at me like I was trash and no amount of prayer was going to change that. All I knew about God was judgement and punishment. So, when Hayden told me it was a good thing in his life, I really thought I'd lost him. But I went with him and they talked about love, and forgiveness, and grace. It's hard to understand a heavenly Father who offers love, forgiveness and grace when the earthy father you've had didn't know about any of those things. But over time I came to realize what those words meant, and Hayden was right. It was a good thing."

"I wasn't like you though Georgia. I was raised with those beliefs. I was raised with a lot of beliefs. And I just threw those out the window when it got hard." She says tearfully.

"I always tell people I'm pro-choice, but when I was with Max the night you had the abortion, I was anything but. And I know you've always been pro-life, but the reality is that one thing we can agree on is that the choice you made eight years ago, was the hardest thing you've ever been through, and when I should have offered you grace and support, I offered anger and judgement. But Max didn't. He just loves you and wants to be with you and be there for you."

"I know that. I love him for that." She says softly.

"Then I want to ask you a question? Have you forgiven him for his role in what you went through?"

"There's nothing to forgive."

"Belle, he wasn't blameless. Do you forgive him?" I press on.

"Of course." She says, fighting tears.

"Then why can't you forgive yourself? Extending grace is the foundation of the faith you were raised with. It's what I had such trouble understanding and is probably the reason I was so hard on you for so long. But I'm asking you now to extend grace to yourself. Accept the forgiveness that God wants to give you and go on with your life. Stop punishing yourself and stop punishing Max. I know that you have it in your head that you're some sort of damaged person now who shouldn't be allowed to have children. But that just makes the decision that you made all those years ago, even more tragic. You made that choice for yourself to have a better life, but also for Max to have a better life. Well for him, there's no better life if he's not with you. Can you at least try to forgive yourself and let him back into your life? I don't think either of you are going to be okay, ever, if you can't find a way to make this work."

Fisher

"You know I've got two guest rooms. You're welcome to stay the night if you don't want to drive home tonight." Max says, after I take the grand tour of the house that belongs to Carson, but he's renting.

"Thanks, but I need to get home. I've got two papers due Monday." I explain.

"So, it's college after all? Your dad must be thrilled."

"My dad is never thrilled with me, and I promise I didn't do this to make him happy. But I love flying and I don't want to spend the rest of my life making peanuts flying charter planes and banners out of Foley so it's South University in Montgomery and a BS in life sciences for me."

"I think it's great. And hopefully you can get hired in Birmingham or even better, Mobile, and be close to home."

"Home." I say with a laugh. He's right though. Despite the odds, Grassland is home. I felt it the minute my car took the exit off I10.

"Speaking of home, please tell me you and Belle are going to make it work. I believe in true love and forever about as much as I believe in Santa Claus, but if it exists, you and Belle have it."

He shrugs. "It's been a long road. I don't know how it's going to end up, but I know that Belle is the love of my life. And I do believe in true love and forever."

"I believe in casual sex and 24-hour bliss." I say callously, and I almost believe myself. "So, what about QB? Any secret love interest in his life?"

"He was dating an accountant with the Ravens organization named Vive, but it ended. You should see the girls he dates. I mean, you know that I've always thought Belle was the most beautiful girl in the world and I still do, but the girls he dates don't even look like real girls. They're all like agents, and sportscasters, or NFL executives and they all look like they stepped out of Victoria's Secret fashion show. It's crazy."

"What's crazy is that it's wasted on him." I say, only half kidding. "He's all gooey-eyed and love-struck just like you. He can have all the meaningless NFL hookups in the world, but they'll never measure up to the elusive true love he's still looking for."

"Sometimes I think he's still hung up on Torie Reyes." He says, and I try not to look surprised.

"Why do you say that?"

"I don't know. She's just the only original girl he's ever dated. The rest are Barbie's. Do you ever hear from her?"

"Who, Barbie?" I ask.

"No, Torie."

I shrug. "You know. Instagram; that kind of thing. She didn't graduate from Florida. She's back in Alabama."

"I wonder what happened? She was always pretty brainy." He reasons. "I hate it for her."

"Yeah, but you know as well as anyone that life happens while you're busy making plans." I say.

He nods. "You can say that again. So, casual sex and 24-hour bliss aside, nothing from the relationship front for you to report?"

I think about it for a minute and I wonder just how bad it would be if I shared the secret with Max; the one I've promised not to talk about.

Just as I'm about to spill my guts the doorbell rings.

Belle

"Fisher, please don't leave on my account." I say as he starts for his car.

"Tell her Max, that I was on my way out. I've got a ton of homework. You guys take care and I will see you soon." He hugs me and then Max, and he says something to Max that I can't hear; I suppose it's about me.

When he's gone Max and I sit down on the sofa, side by side, silent for a long time. I can't help thinking about the last time we were here together, but I guess he's thinking the same thing. Finally, he pulls a familiar piece of paper, torn from the sign the team broke through at State his senior year, and written on with a green Sharpie.

I study the paper with Max written in big block letters and inside the "A" in tiny letters, "I love you. XO Belle".

"Do you remember this?" He asks.

"State, your senior year at Bryant Denney. We wrote all the starting players names around the edges. Of course, I wrote yours, and then I wrote that inside where no one would really see it, but I'd know it was there. I wanted to show you before the game, but I never got the chance. So, I saved it, and gave it to you afterwards instead." I recall.

"We were so young." I say running my hand over the note I put in his pizza box so many years ago. "Why did you keep this?"

"Are you kidding me? That's the first time you said you loved me. It made losing the game seem incidental, especially knowing it was up there on the banner the whole time. It always seemed like us. To everyone else we looked just like any teenagers who were dating in high school. But this reminds me that if you looked closely, there was a lot more to us. Our story didn't start out like theirs. We weren't like every other couple we knew who got together because of a set-up, a blind date, a passed note, or a Snapchat. We were together because of... some really stupid choices."

"Was I your stupid choice, or were you mine?" I ask curiously.

"Hayden was your stupid choice, and mine was thinking that it was better to crush on you from afar, rather than being in a relationship with the real you up close."

"So, I chose you to make Hayden jealous... and also because you were pretty hot. And you chose me, but you didn't want to get too close because I might shatter the illusion of me with the reality of me."

"Despite everything I've ever said, I didn't love you that night." He says guiltily. "And I know you didn't love me. You weren't even sure you liked me. That was our second big stupid choice. And then I made another one, when I didn't respect you enough to stop things when I realized I wasn't prepared."

"Max, that was..."

"Stop. Stop taking all the blame and letting me off the hook. I was in it with you. And, I may be old fashioned, but I believe that it was my responsibility to protect you and I didn't. I let you down and that led to you having to make a horrible decision. And we will never know what would have happened if you'd made another decision. Maybe we'd have had a baby and a few years down the line we'd have fallen in love and we'd be a happy little family right now. More than likely, we'd have ended up hating each other and resenting the baby and you'd have ended up raising a baby in a broken home and neither of us would have gone to college and I'd have stayed here and worked for Hayden or at the seafood packing plant like my father and you'd waitress at the Fish Basket and our lives would have become more and more bitter and angry and..." He sighs. "You know what else we'll never know? If we'd used protection that night, or stopped when we didn't have it or better yet, if one of us had had the good sense to say, I'm not ready for this because... I don't love you. If we'd never gotten pregnant and ended up having an abortion, who knows if we'd have ever ended up together?"

"Max." I say tearfully, but I can't find any more words to say so I just hold onto his hand and wait for what he'll say next.

He runs his thumb over my cheek, brushing away my tears, but they are quickly replaced by more, so he gives up and just cups my chin and continues speaking. "I keep this piece of paper, because it reminds me that our relationship has so many more layers than you see at first glance and that it was built on a shaky foundation. If anything had gone just a tiny bit different, we might never have even had a conversation. But we did have a conversation and despite all your efforts to get rid of me, we fell in love. And I like to think that if we'd made those different, better choices, we'd have still found our way to each other. But we don't know that. All we know is that we found each other. And that, after going through the worst thing two people can ever go through... losing a child together, we still managed to fall in love. And then I went to the Marines and you stayed behind, and you went to all your big senior things alone and you went to Wesleyan alone and San Francisco alone and I went to Ole Miss alone and... through all of that we never broke up. Other than that, one time when I was doing it for you, I never even thought I wanted to. I did every bit of that knowing that I was going to finish someday and when I did, I'd be with you."

I reach up and I cover his hand with mine and I lean into, always loving the way his touch fills on my skin. "I pushed you away for a long time. First because I was stupid and later because I was afraid to trust the guy I'd gotten pregnant by, but you just kept coming, kept loving me no matter how much I didn't deserve it. And when I fell... I fell hard, and I fell forever and... that's when it hit me what I'd done, and it just hurt so much. And the more I loved you and the more I knew that you were my future and my forever... the more that hurt grew until it just took over all the space in my heart." I say, crying freely and finally allowing him to pull me into his arms.

"Can you forgive me?" He asks, as he too begins to cry. "Can you stop hating me?"

"I've never hated you, not really. I said the worst thing I could say to make you leave me alone. And forgiving you has never been the problem."

"Can you forgive yourself?"

"I want to." I say, laying my head against his shoulder. "Will you help me?"

"I will do anything, anything you ask. Anything that will help you. And I never again want to hear you say that you made the choice to get an abortion. You got an abortion because we both made choices that led us there."

I smile through the tears and confess, "I really don't know if I'll ever be able to handle having children. Can you... live with that?"

"I will do everything in my power to convince you to try... because I love you and because I know you want children and I believe in the end it would help you more than it would hurt. But if you decide you can't do it, then I can't do it either. And we will be the best Aunt Belle and Uncle Max that Ryder and Grace and Madi and whoever else comes along, could ever have."

"You really still want me, after all of this?" I ask tearfully, still unable to comprehend how he could love me after all I've put him through.

"Belle, you're my future and my forever... you're the love of my life. There's nothing you can do to change that."

I smile through the tears and say, "Good, because that's the last thing I'd ever want to change."

October 2015

"Grace Cooper Nichols, meet your Aunt Belle, and Uncle Max." Hayden says, handing me the little pink bundle.

"She and I are already old friends, aren't we?" Max says, his face reflecting his wonder at his new niece. "She's been listening to me talk for nine months, right Gigi?"

"She's beautiful" I say with tears in my eyes. "And Georgia you look amazing. And I hear you did great."

"She was a champ." Hayden says proudly.

"I don't know about a champ. It happened so fast, I barely made it here in time to sit in the waiting room with my buddy, right Ryder?"

Ryder nods from the rocking chair where he's busy playing a game on Georgia's phone. When no one's watching, he looks at Grace with a mixture of trepidation and awe, but it's also a bit overwhelming for him. Hayden and Georgia are doing a great job of making him feel safe and included. And as always, Max has a way of putting him instantly at ease.

I hand Grace to Max and then kneel down beside Ryder and say, "You know I was your age, when Hayden came to live with us, and he became the best big brother I ever thought about having. But Grace won't ever know what it's like to not have you for a big brother. She's one very lucky little girl, if you ask me."

He doesn't look up from the phone, but I can see him grinning shyly and Hayden gives me a hug when I stand up again.

"So, with all the baby drama." Georgia begins, "We haven't actually seen the ring on you."

"Of course." I say excitedly, putting my hand out for all of them to admire.

"Have you actually gotten her to set a date?" Hayden asks Max, who is far too enraptured by his new niece to trade barbs with Hayden.

"The second Saturday in January. We have to wait until after State." I say with crossed fingers.

"Oh, no need to cross fingers. We are going all the way." Hayden says confidently.

"All the way to State." Ryder says, joining the conversation for the first time.

"The Saturday after State is too close to Christmas, so since we're waiting till after Christmas we decided to wait until the end of the regular season, so Carson can be there." Max explains, adding, "Assuming the Ravens don't suddenly turn it around and make it to the playoffs. If that happens, we'll have to rethink things."

"We're just going to do something simple with family. Lilly and Carson will be our attendants and she's bringing my dress out of storage for me."

"Your mom is really making an effort with me." Hayden begins, "But please tell me you're not going to make me work with her to plan more flowers."

"Actually... we were sort of wondering if we could have it at your house?" I ask, with Max stepping up behind me.

"We'd love that." Hayden agrees, and Georgia is clearly overcome.

"I'm so happy you want to use our house, but why there instead of your home?" She asks, when she's finally able to speak.

We exchange glances and Max says, "Because you raised me, and you two are our inspiration. And your house is where the family comes to be together and feel at home."

"And that's how we want our wedding to be." I add. "Don't get me wrong. Mom and dad have been doing great and are really making an effort with us and with each other. I know mom has with you too, but that's not exactly the most welcoming home in the world. I told mom first that this was what we were thinking. I could tell she was a little disappointed, but she mostly took it really well."

"You know while we're asking for things, we have something we want to ask you." Hayden says.

"We've been talking, and it would mean a lot to us if you two would be Grace's Godparents." Georgia asks.

"Really?" I say, as Max and I look at each other and he smiles and nods.

"Are we qualified for that?" I ask.

"Well that depends. Do you love her?" Georgia teases.

"Of course, we do." Max says happily with me nodding beside him.

"But why us? Why not Caleb or Aimee or Avery and Claire?"

"Well it would have to be Caleb or Aimee and not together since they can't be in the same room. And Avery and Claire have many wonderful qualities, but... they have their hands full." Georgia explains.

"But mostly because you two are the two closest people together to us, and we know that even though you both are young, you've been through a lot and it's made you grow up and grow together. That's the kind of influence we want for Grace and we want to make sure you're always a part of her life." Hayden adds.

I have tears in my eyes, as I let Georgia hand Grace back over to me and Max reaches over my shoulder, touching her satiny cheek with his forefinger. I whisper, "You know Grace you have just been born into the best family that any girl could ever have – and you're going to have us in your life forever."

At Home in Grassland

Carson Jennings and Fisher Barnes had only two things in common; the friendship they formed on the field playing football for the Grassland Gators, and the fact that they were in love with the same girl.

Sexy, dark, mysterious Torie Reyes wanted someone steady and reliable – you don't get more steady and reliable than QB1. But while her high school romance with Carson is on again-off again, her friendship with Fisher becomes the thing she relies on the most. Meanwhile single mother, and maid of honor, Lilly Etheridge has been waiting since the day she moved into her freshman dorm for Belle to fix her up with one of the hot guys from Grassland.

Now they're all in Grassland, celebrating the wedding of Max and Belle, and all coming face to face again. Will old romances be rekindled, and old jealousies reawakened? Or will new loves be revealed, and old friendships put to the test?

At home in Grassland, will remind you that love comes where you least expect it, family isn't necessarily about blood and home isn't necessarily where you were born... and you don't have to be the champion to be a winner!

Coming Spring 2017

Also available from Penny Michaels

The Reason God Made Oklahoma

At 12 years old, Zoe Andrews knew the only man she could ever love was Matthew Callahan. But the Oklahoma ranch hand who worked for her father was five years her senior and a million miles away in terms of life experience. Even though his insistence that they could never be together stemmed from his belief that Zoe deserved more than he and Oklahoma could give her, it eventually drove her to New York and a life that included nothing from the ranch she called home. Despite their conflicts, the one thing they had in common was that neither seemed to be able to resist the other. When Zoe's father dies unexpectedly she's forced to return to Oklahoma where they find themselves with an impossible ultimatum. Zoe's father has left them the ranch together, but before they can inherit it they have to stay married for a year.

A year doesn't seem that long, but time apart has done nothing to lessen the attraction between Matt and Zoe. Soon everything they've fought against seems insignificant when compared with the desires that come alive when they're together. And once he's reminded of how much she actually loves the Oklahoma ranch where she grew up, can he find the courage to believe that he and Oklahoma are enough to keep her once the year is over?

Available now!

A Ring by Christmas

Trey Thomas and Tori Tanner – TNT – had been best friends since the second day of second grade. Tori was a little chubby and a lot shy at eight years old and found herself constantly being reintroduced to kids she'd been in class with for both kindergarten and first grade. Trey, a new student, was extremely short and skinny and all mouth and white blonde hair so it was no surprise when he wound up the object of a bully attack on his second day. No one was more surprised than Tori when she leapt to his defense and put an end to the playground fisticuff. While most eight-year-old boys would have been mortified at being rescued by a girl, Trey handled it with his trademark charm and aplomb. He and Tori were inseparable from that day forth.

Fast forward twenty-five plus years to Thanksgiving. Trey has become a devastatingly handsome commitmentphobe, and Tori is tired of waiting for her best friend to grow-up, so she asks him for a bold favor – coach her on dating so that she is guaranteed to get a ring for Christmas. It starts out rocky, but before long Tori is happily meandering toward matrimony, and Trey is startled to find that the only thing scarier than commitment is spending the holidays... and everything else... without Tori. Can this best friend stop the love his life before she chooses someone else? In other words, how can he make her see that he's the only one who should give her A RING BY CHRISTMAS!

Available now!

A Single Girls Guide to Surviving Valentine's Day (The Diary of a Young Old-Maid... Book 1)

Bianca Rossi has had it! She's done moping through every holiday feeling sorry for herself without a boyfriend. At 29 it's time for this young old-maid to break the cycle... even if means she has to get a little creative with her Valentine's Date. But when the date she chronicles in her successful column suddenly appears on her doorstep, Bianca is faced with a dilemma. While she might have survived 28 Valentine's Days alone, one spent in the arms of her hot new fantasy come to life might be more than she can handle!

Available now!

