 
## Creed of Assiah

##

## leon xiv (leon_the_14)

##

## Copyright 2013 by leon xiv (leon_the_14)

##

## Smashwords Edition

## Chapter 0

Hmmm......

....fuck it, let's have a theme song for this chapter...

Artist: Sandra – Song Title: All you zombies

So what do I have to tell you? Well you will have to read it all in order to fully understand what it is I'm trying to convey to you. Am I especially unique? In all honesty I don't know. There may be other former two time Satanists. I know that there are followers of Pan-Aryanism who find that their greatest enemies are their 'fellow' whites. And I know there are practicing Christians who do not believe that Jesus is God but adhere to their church because of their social circumstances.

Maybe you are one of these people, or maybe you know these people, but then again maybe not. Fact is that you have to share this earth with these sorts of people and indeed with others of varying beliefs whether they are religious, ideological, philosophical and indeed biological. I've been taught some lessons along the way in the journeys I've travelled, some good and some bad.

I started writing this book towards the end of 2009. My motivation? The first and foremost is that I see a generation (Gen Y) who are both truly clueless and yet think that 'their' worldview is truly right. But I have also come across members of the same generation who truly know how to think rationally for themselves but who are led to believe that there is something wrong with them because they won't alter their way of thinking to be 'on the bandwagon.

I also wrote this book as a token offering to thank Jehovah for his mercy, grace and patience in dealing with me. If it was anyone else who had to deal with the degree of treachery that I attempted against him I believe I would have departed the realm of the living a long time ago. In writing this book I have had to confront aspects of my past that I just wished or pretended never happened. 'The truth will set you free' is a common saying, but it's not just a catchcry. But then again what is truth? For me it is what one has actually physically experienced, not just philosophies and theories cooked up by some 'academic' who wants his musings applied to people he has no relation to or understanding of, or indeed care for.

It has taken me 20 years to put fact to paper, I just didn't want to look back on the stupid things I did. It is one thing to make mistakes; they can be painful and harsh. But it is more painful to watch others make the same mistakes and realising that you were in a position to try and stop it. And that feeling is compounded when you actually decide to do nothing because you couldn't be bothered or you remember that you wished "Why didn't someone tell me?" when you were in the same position.

This book isn't for me to 'win friends'; there will be a lot of people who will be offended. You will question what I write and rightly so, as long as you question my 'opposition' and indeed all other opinions \- well then good! Maybe my writing style isn't all that refined, maybe I do repeat myself in some instances and maybe I use the name Jehovah and title God in an interchangeable manner (just a habit of mine, Jehovah is God). I don't believe in the trinity, after all a God with partners and equals isn't really a God in his own right.

Yes I can already hear the bitching, whining and moaning from the politically correct spouting their usual diatribe of left wing slogans ("How dare he say that God is a he! We have equal opportunity these days! Blah, blah, blah, [insert Marxist slogans here], and she doesn't exist, blah, blah, you racist!) Or the likes of Christian fundamentalists calling for me to be burnt at the stake because I don't believe Jesus is God. If you want to bitch and whine to me then fine, I'll put my email address somewhere in the book but first read it before deciding if I'm a bastard or not.

I will tell you how I became a Satanist and why I finally left it; I will tell you about magic and even tell you how to practice it. I will tell you how 'white' supremacy has been hijacked to discriminate on class instead of biology and I will tell you about its bastard creation known as 'brown' supremacy, which aims to turn Islam into a political cult for all non-whites instead of leaving it as a religious/spiritual faith. I will tell you everything without apology.

Rest of the Chapters:

(And if you're so inclined for theme music I have placed my recommendations at the end of the chapter.)

Ch 1 - Its gotta start somewhere. (1981-82)

Here I write about circumstances that led me to Satanism and things that occurred in that period; at the time I was aged 12-13. I write about why I left and the period in-between my return back to Satanism at age 19.

Ch 2 - Return trip. (1988-91)

In this I write about my second period of Satanism and the events that led to me leaving for good. This period covers me for the ages of 19-23.

Ch 3 - The road to recovery has its potholes.

Down and out, I managed to pick myself back up only to find that the standards had been lowered in my absence.

Ch 4 - Lost, found and still on the right path.

There was voodoo in the air, but a fresh breath gave me life and leads me to make things right.

Ch 5 - So you wannabe baaaad!?

What Satanism actually is, forget the shit you've seen on TV

Ch 6 - Arrogance Inc.

Today's Atheism is just the same, probably even worse but its useful idiots won't realise it until it's too late.

Ch 7 - Abracadabra!

Let's talk magic, it's the least I can do.

Ch 8 - Game on molls!

Talk is cheap; do you want to step up to the plate? OK, I'll give you some tips.

Ch 9 - Oh did someone shit in your ice cream diddums?

What I learned from my involvement with the Pan-Aryan movement. The most important thing I learned was that white Marxists and white supremacists are one and the same. The dispute between them is over one word.

Ch 10 - Put some Heil in your style.

Continuing on...

Ch 11 - Cults; the bad, the fraudulent and the ugly

Did you know that Wicca, Thelema and Scientology all come from the same foundation? I'll also remind you of a cult that operates under your nose and rules over your head. Arseholes...all of them!

Ch 12 - A final word, for the time being?

So what happened?

Ch 13 - A magical example.

And why not?

Ch 14 - No, not really...this is endgame.

You'll hate me for this.

Pics

Addendum – I wasn't expecting this either.

My story takes place in Sydney, Australia and covers the period of 1981 – 2011 (in chapters 1 – 11). I then left this for a while and have resumed the book from chapter 12. Don't expect endless Bible quotes or depraved horror stories or any other kumbayah crap. I remember a quote from the Koran saying you can only give 'fair warning' and that is all I wish to give to you.

Warning and Notice!

This work may not be replicated whole or in part for commercial purposes and may not be replicated in part for non commercial purposes without express permission from author. Fair use is permitted but will not be allowed in order to promote any particular religious, philosophical or ideological organisation.

In other words if you are some kind of new age scammer or cult manager CEO and use my writings to promote your crooked cult scam or claim them as your own then I will sue the arse off you for starters!

This book is to be considered for education and entertainment purposes only, by reading this book and its writings you agree to all of the above.

In other words you don't get to sue me

About the author...

I am a monotheist as well as a panentheist. I believe in only one God and Creator his name is Jehovah (praise be upon his name).

I do not represent nor am a member of any particular religion or faith.

I only represent myself.

Tunes..?

Year of the cat – Al Stewart

I was made for lovin' you – KISS

Number of the beast – Iron Maiden

Order of death – PIL

Losing my religion – R.E.M.

Feel – Robbie Williams

Holy Smoke – Iron Maiden

Tusk – Fleetwood Mac

Bullet with butterfly wings – Smashing Pumpkins

Calm before the storm – Venom

Reborn – Slayer

Remain silent – Keb'Mo'

Mr Vain – Culture Beat

Abracadabra – Stevie Miller Band

Eye in the sky – Alan Parsons Project

The Game – Motorhead

You can do magic – America

Seek and destroy – Metallica

Never surrender – Corey Hart

The prisoner – The Saints

They – Jem

Van Nuys – Sixx AM

All you zombies – The Hooters

## 

## Chapter 1

I decided to write this book to explain to readers of all persuasions my experiences with the occult - that which I once believed to be true and what I have learned since. This is in a way a memoir of sorts, but I also want to give my opinion about todays' society from my experience.

Maybe you will see it as a guide as to a subject I feel has been severely neglected in this atheist age that we live in, that subject is spirituality and the subjects pertaining to it.

No I'm not talking about new age chanellers and other kumbayah hippy types. What I am talking about is the basis of our civilisation which has its' spiritual and religious basis (or at least it did) in the belief of Jehovah -the God of Abraham. Regardless of the name you use for God or the religion you subscribe to (or non religion for that matter), the fact is that the Abrahamic faiths have been and still are (at least for the time being) the dominant force behind the shaping of human history. Whether you like it or not you are a product of that force.

However there are people and movements who would wish to change this, whether it be through the avenues of academia or the junk pile of popular 'culture' we have seen and will continue to see entire generations being instilled with the belief that they are nothing but talking cattle who are only good for consuming worthless products, having sex and nothing else. Worse than that is they leave their thinking as to their intellect and spirituality to the 'shapers and social engineers' of society who they believe for some unexplainable reason to be infallible.

I will tell you how I came to be a Satanist, the reason why I left it, the reason why I returned to it and the reason why I once again left it. Some of you will find aspects of my story exciting, boring, fascinating or unbelievable. That is of no concern to me, I will simply tell you of the things that happened. I have no intention of 'spicing up' the story just to make it more interesting or sensational to you and if I offend some of you along the way, well...bad luck. I have worn the hat of Satanist, atheist (of the non-choosing/self worshipping type) and now of the believer of the God of Abraham - Jehovah.

This is not going to be a 'Bible tells me so' pitch; all I wish to do is give you a perspective of the world today from someone who was a Satanist. You never really stop learning, or at least you shouldn't and maybe you will learn something new from this or else have your suspicions confirmed.

There are things that I came across during my Satanist days that really didn't mean all that much to me then, or I just didn't understand them at the time. As time moved on (and continues to do so) I gained different perspectives and learned how to understand and where necessary, apply these things in the appropriate context.

My main purpose is to put you in the shoes that I used to wear and view the world, including the 'stars' and 'idols' of the atheist movement. This book is not to make accusations against these people based on hearsay and without concrete evidence, only you can make this judgment for yourselves. I will say that I recognise in them that which I once was.

So before we go into detail about things, it would be best for you to know about my life and how I came about to experience and know what I do. I've always been fascinated by the occult (or at least magic, doesn't every kid love magic tricks?) from a very young age, and I do believe things happen for a reason. Whether you want to call it destiny, fate or coincidence the fact is what has happened has happened, and what will happen, will happen.

For me it started at the age of five, my parents had a board game that was (at least to me) magically orientated. It was a 70s board game which was typical of the time, offhand I think the name of it was "Orion", "Oracle" or something similar but I'm really not sure but I do remember the maker was "Jigsaw". I didn't understand the actual object of the game, but it was the symbols on the board and cards that would captivate me.

I always played with the game at every opportunity but in due time like all other board games it fell apart and the pieces got lost. Still I have never forgotten that game, even though my memories of it are vague and I had no understanding of it. My parents divorced when I was six, then again as I was to find out this wasn't uncommon amongst those who I would later know. Did it cause a 'life shattering emotional complex' for me?

Actually no, and I didn't really care for that matter probably because I didn't understand what it was about. My father worked hard and tirelessly to raise me, it was very tough at times but he toiled through it all and we stayed together.

Nothing of any note happened from that time until I was nine, but then again what was I expecting? For some reason I used to make totem poles with various symbols on them and took an interest in Ancient Egyptian type things such as mummies, ankhs and gods. I don't know why, it was just something I liked. It was just a phase that passed rather quickly, but then something did happen.

At the time my father and I were living in Canterbury (a lower middle class inner south west suburb of Sydney) and it was on a Saturday afternoon when I was standing on the step at the back door looking into the neighbours' yard. The neighbour was an old woman living by herself in an old wooden house with a backyard that resembled a jungle.

On that afternoon the old woman was not home and I was by myself, it was while I was looking over the fence into the yard I saw what I could only describe as a grim reaper type entity that was completely black. I only saw it from the side and back and did not know if it was a person as I could not see any flesh (like hands and feet) whatsoever but it was roughly the same size as an adult. Not even the outline of sleeves or any stitching to do with a cloak; however what shook me was that as this 'thing' was moving it didn't seem to have a stride but I could hear it crush the weeds with what seemed like very slow plodding footsteps. It seemed to float across the overgrown grass and junk in the yard while it's' cloak was flush level with the ground. For me that was enough, I went inside and shut the door.

Sometime later, maybe 15 to 30 minutes later I decided to open the back door to see if that 'thing' was still there. It wasn't. The neighbour on the other side was a garden nursery business with a live-in annex, at the time the owner wasn't living there so I was able to stroll around the plants and like. There was a shared driveway and the entrance to the nursery yard was never locked, it was just a side passage with a wooden door.

I opened the door and saw this 'thing' again, only this time face on, it was moving towards me very slowly. Again no stride and this time no sound, it seemed to float but it was flush to the ground. The face was completely black with no features except two bright yellow almond shaped eyes, but it was the blackness of this 'thing' that got me. Even though it was a sunny day it didn't cast a shadow nor did the light even reflect off or illuminate it. It just seemed to absorb it. I managed to stutter "Who are you?" before running back inside, too scared to go outside until my father came back. When he did I said nothing. What on earth could you say?

Nothing else of that manner happened to me until I was 12 and started high school; there I had access to a bigger library than my primary school. I had to do a book report and ended up doing a report about a book about Elizabeth Bathory; from there I started taking an interest in what I suppose you call 'evil' themes like vampires, magic and the like. By todays' standards the library was pretty barren, but I learned that if you sift enough through writings you will get that one word, sentence or reference that would lead you to other things of interest. I was kind of on the way to Satanism but not quite, at the time I had no understanding of anything pertaining to any sort of religion.

It was only when I used to hang out around and explore in and around what was called "the canal" or "gully" (Cup and Saucer Creek -Canterbury) that the spark came. The canal was adjacent to my old primary school and like other canals and stormwater drains was used as a place for graffiti.

Although most of the graffiti was the run of the mill stuff you see everywhere there were drawings and paintings of the devil as well as inscriptions and markers in the canal which I would later find were only of any meaning to those involved with the occult. While I was still in primary school none of these things meant anything to me, and as I was too small at the time to lift myself in and out of the canal I never bothered to check it out further.

However like most other kids I liked to go exploring and soon found a way to enter and exit the canal easily. From there I would travel up the canal to sections I had never seen before, they were more isolated and I would discover they were used by Satanists to sacrifice sheep and goats.

I never saw any of these things happen but I would find the animal heads and other bits and pieces (like cut off legs crossed and wired outside certain stormwater tunnels and large bloodstains were the sacrifices were performed) on occasion as well as more Satanic graffiti. Also along the Cooks River at Canterbury I found what seemed to be a couple of sheep heads which had been burnt and wrapped in hessian for some reason. Of course I told my friends about it and sometimes we would get together to go in the canal just to see what was happening, they would notice things that I didn't and vice versa. I wouldn't say I made a planned decision to become a Satanist as I had no concept of there being a religion based on worship of Satan. I understood there was such a thing as 'devil' worship but I could only guess as to what that was or what was involved. Nevertheless it was just something I slowly slipped into.

Looking back on it I would say that what was 'learned' in the canal and popular culture guided my decision, with TV shows like the "Night Stalker" and movies like "the Omen." I came to understand and believe there were other options in life than the status quo of the herd mentality, this is especially true today. Those TV shows and movies provided me with a type of inspiration, fascination, aspiration and somewhat flawed information that I too, could 'have it all' or at least better than what I had. Finding the remains of the sacrifices just confirmed to me that I wasn't the only one who thought in such a way about magic, the occult and things classified simply as the 'unknown'.

My upbringing wasn't religious in the slightest and almost no one else that I knew was religious either, so basically there was nothing for me to compare Satanism with. Maybe that's why I couldn't see it as a bad thing; I had no concept of what it is to be truly evil (then again most people still don't know either). There were scripture lessons in high school once a week but it seemed to me that the teachers (I don't know whether they were clergy or not, maybe they were trainees?) thought that using the same preaching methods from the church as well as last Sundays' leftovers would work on a bunch of 12 year old boys who were not there by choice.

It didn't, it was the same in primary school.In high school the religious instructor (I don't know what he actually was) tried to come across as a friend rather than a teacher, he looked like Grizzly Adams and had the same manner. I would guess that he was a new wave Jesus freak, with his 'friends' approach as he would sometimes add current events to his umm... I don't know what I'd call it, maybe preaching? As the year went on his 'friends' approach became more distant almost to the stage it seemed that he had given up and didn't want to be there. I only had scripture classes in Year 7 and learned no scripture at all, was there a point?

And in primary school? The reverend was neither teacher or friend and more like a babysitter, for some reason the clergy/teachers just assumed that we were all practicing Christians, in fact it was the complete opposite. In fact I still clearly remember during a scripture class in fifth class when the reverend running the Church of England lesson stood up in the front of the class to pray. As he was saying his "Dear Lord we pray" thing while tightly closing his eyes and clasping his hands, the rest of the class started to lift their arms up and down while leaning backwards and forwards (sort of imitating Muslims but we didn't know what they were at the time) we were all going "ahhh....." As well as "wahhh..." And "ohhh..." The racket we made got him to open his eyes and exclaim "I've never seen such a disgraceful performance before the Lord!!!"

Herein lies the problem, we were made to participate in scripture classes without any knowledge as to who God was. We were told nothing about the Bible or its importance, as for Jesus? Well who was that and what does he have to do with anything? Anyway where was this 'Lord'? He wasn't in the classroom; he would have been better off asking us to pray to Donald Duck because at least we knew who he was.

Let's be honest folks, the various religions took their eye off the ball in the 70's and this allowed various secular trends enough room to weasel their way into schools, communities and society as a whole to target the young in general. Not believing in God was not just a passing 'fad' anymore; it became ingrained in 'coolness' and continues to do so. One day at school someone from Gideons came and gave all students from Year 7 a pocket Bible, to me it was weird as I never read the Bible at all or even flicked through it. That was because I had never held one with my own hands, or owned one for that matter.

I asked a classmate what was he going to do with his, he said he was going to take his home. I asked him what should I do with mine as I didn't know how it 'worked'. He just simply said I should take it home, he was quite sheepish and low tone in saying this. As we both looked around we saw that the other students had either thrown the Bibles in the bin, were playing soccer with them or else were using them as frisbees. A couple of students were doing a "confiscation patrol" and demanding that all Bibles were handed over to them, they approached my classmate and reached for his shirt pocket where he had put his copy, as he struggled with them I kicked the bin I was standing next to while hiding my copy in my bag. My classmate had his copy taken and thrown into the bin, they then asked me where was mine. I said I had already thrown mine away in the bin, they looked in the bin (there must have been about 15 copies in there) and were content to move on.

The classmate then went to the bin and retrieved a copy and wrote his name in it in case it was thrown away again. He seemed to be somewhat upset about what had happened, to me it was neither here or there. I had only hidden away my copy because I wanted to know what was it about the Bible that they wanted it destroyed. To me something such as sacrilege or blasphemy didn't come into it because how can you be sacrilegious against a religion that you didn't understand at all?

I remember when I was five years old and my parents placed me in a Sunday school class, there were some other kids from my kindergarten class there and none of us understood why we were there at all. We were given hymn books and told to sing, which was a pretty dumb idea seeing as we couldn't basically read or write (the ironic thing was that my kindergarten teacher played the piano for the Sunday school). Apart from making "blah" noises we were for the most part pretending to sing or miming. I was only in the Sunday school a couple of more times, my guess is that my parents realised what a waste of time it was for me and probably for them. Pretty soon the other kids parents seemed to be of the same opinion, my 'religion' was Church of England or 'CoE' which most people of the time supposedly adhered to. It is the easiest religion in the world to belong to, you don't have to go to church or understand its tenets. It tried to mean everything to everyone and ended up meaning nothing to no-one, as I understand it now the situation about it has gotten worse.

In high school the few Christian students there were regarded as morons, dweebs and dorks. Maybe there were quite a few of them, but if there were they didn't choose to advertise it. I remember once in the school library some of us were looking at books and someone took a Bible out of the shelf. A laughter broke out and as we were giggling the kid who took the Bible opened it up and said "It's only been borrowed once." To which we all started laughing, another grabbed another one from the shelf, opened it up and exclaimed "This hasn't been borrowed at all!" This caused us all hysterical laughter.

What caused this contempt of the Bible and its teachings? I can't answer that, it was nothing to do with my parents or the parents of any other kids for that matter (or that which I know of). It was like a type of mob mentality in that its beginning was unknown and it had no leaders (but it did have originators), these days the term 'groupthink' might be applicable.

As I previously stated, my descent into Satanism was gradual. Contempt for God plus adolescence is quite a disruptive combination; actually it was a TV show on Nostradamus that kicked off my search for magic. To predict the future was certainly captivating to me, the occult realm even more so. About this time "Lotto" came around and I desired a better life and saw winning a prize as a ticket out of the existence I was trapped in, to find a way to know the next draw of numbers actually inspired me to think and act in ways I had never considered before.

The combination of dreams, poverty, contempt for a God that I knew nothing about, coming across the animal sacrifices and Satanic graffiti, the prospect of good times and more importantly the prospect of occult knowledge (yep, I still love magic tricks) as well as the 'buzz' it gave me lead me to descend fully into that choice. Stupid thing was that it was easier for me to scour books to find bits and pieces about Satan and understand something about him than it was to find a clergyman who could explain who God is.(I believe this was due to the 'Jesus is God' teachings which really came full core among Christian churches in Australia during the 70s. Previously most churches were content to push the 'Jesus is son of God' line. Clergy were essentially trying to lead the parishioners from one belief to another, whether they believed it themselves...who knows?)

Ironically I found Satanism to be like the CoE religion that I supposedly was in that you adhere to a few tenets and make up the rest according to your personal circumstances. I always believed in magic despite being told repeatedly by all manner of people that it was rubbish. Magic is like smoking in that if you do it you are told that it's no good for you and it's stupid and just like smoking, people still do it. I think if you are going to tell someone that something like magic is no good for them, then you should be able to present an argument to back your view based on your personal knowledge.

Giving tenth hand stories is just as bad as saying "it must be true because it was in the paper!" or "because I said so!" To become a Satanist is not a matter of waking up one morning and thinking "...mmmm....nothing much doing today, might as well worship Satan."

In my case it was a gradual process, everyday I related to it more and more. It got to the stage where I couldn't relate to an alternative simply because there was none. In primary school we were told to pray in our scripture classes, as far as I was concerned it was a matter of closing your eyes for a minute and saying nothing and feeling nothing. When I prayed to Satan in the same type of manner by corrupting the Lords' Prayer it wasn't something I felt that I just had to go along with. I enjoyed doing it because I actually felt something.

My 'Satanism' consisted of praying to Satan, minor vandalism of churches, amateur attempts at magic rituals and trying to recruit others. When I look back at this time I almost cringe from embarrassment about what I did, and yet I have to say that I was happy. One of my friends Spiro who I was trying to bring over with me simply said "God loves you".

No matter what I offered he wouldn't shift, yet we talked about Satan and evil on occasion, but I will never forget when he said those three words "God loves you". But Spiro came from a good Orthodox family; he had both his parents and a sister. They weren't overly religious and seemed to function like any other 'normal' family from what I understood. His father worked in a factory, his mother was a 'stay at home mum' who occasionally worked on a casual basis. On occasion when I visited his place it was clean but not obsessively clean, it had a friendly atmosphere because of the family rather than the décor. You always felt welcome.

My father worked ten or more hours a day, he had no choice and then had to be both the father and mother of the abode, and it wasn't much of an abode. I was a 'latch key kid' because of this; I don't blame my father for anything in anyway he simply did what he had to do. But some of the other guys I knew had it worse, one guy had no idea who his father was and another had a father who was a travelling salesman. And when he was on the road, his mother liked to practice her 'womens' liberation' by tucking him and his brother into bed at night and then going out to pick up strangers for sex. She was so 'liberated' that she thought nothing of bringing them back to the family home and didn't seem to care that the boys could hear or knew what was going on- yeah, a real class act.

So when Easter and Christmas came around and we were told about the 'joy and love of Jesus' well what did you expect guys like us to do? He was only good for chocolate eggs, presents and time off school. It didn't seem that Jesus loved us. Anyway that was then and this is now, let's continue the story.

So as my 'Satanism' was gradually known by all the kids around the area I started making contacts with others who were like me, or for the most part were....kind of. Initially their idea of Satanism was smoking dope and committing crime, and seemed to be basically a bunch of thugs and social rejects (I suppose I came under the latter category) with no genuine interest in Satan except to use him as a 'bad boy' symbol. It was the prospect of gaining esoteric knowledge that drew me in with this crowd but they seemed to know less than what I did.

In fact I'm certain they never even considered the occult aspect to the degree that I did. I wanted to be a magician not a criminal; in all honesty I probably would have continued along the criminal route if I were to gain occult knowledge along the way. Stealing was the number one sport where I was, mainly shoplifting as most kids in the area never had any money at all. The more you stole, the higher your bragging rights. Some did it for the thrill, others for the money or the lack of it (again I was in the latter category).

As with most if not all teenagers I became part of a "confederacy of friends" or 'association' consisting of those I went to high school with, those I knew from primary school, those from around the area I lived or hung out at and those of my race or similar. I wouldn't say we were all friends, but associates of one sort or another.

One of our hangouts was outside a church where there was a bus stop and a hamburger shop next door. It was during one Saturday afternoon when a few of us were hanging out that I had what seemed to me to be a curious conversation with a guy of our creed. This guy was a bit older than me (about 18 I guess. I was still 12) and I hadn't seen him before. He told me he was getting into politics and asked me if I intended to. To me it was nothing; politics didn't mean anything to me and I had no interest in government whatsoever. All I cared about at the time was stealing, vandalism, dope and magic.

Although this brief conversation was really nothing, sometimes I wonder whatever happened to this guy. Looking at the types of people in politics these days that push the 'secular' line in relation to governance (especially education), sometimes I wonder if this guy got to where he wanted. I only met him once and yet I still remember that conversation. As I said talk about politics meant nothing to me (and I was more worried that he was a donut puncher).

Satanism is like digging for gold, you dig a hole and find a bit so you keep on digging. As you find more gold the further down you dig and the darker it gets. When you get enough gold that you want, you then look up to see you're so far down you cannot see how you can get out. You are basically digging a hole to hell and I wanted out of this situation, the more I tried to study the more I realised how little I knew and how greatly out of my depth I was.

When I started I seriously had no idea as to the end destination or the journey involved. The prospect of having to perform blood sacrifices and associating with some seriously bad dudes in order to maintain my "religion" was not on as far as I was concerned and I decided it was time to abandon ship. I remembered during a relatively recent scripture class the teacher played a cassette of a woman telling her story of how she became a Satanist and how she left. It wasn't her testimony that caused me to have doubt about what I was involved with.

No, it was when I saw some of the older boys from another "association" (gang would be more correct) in their headbanger gear and traits that I had doubt. They were something that I did not wish to become, even the guys of my age in another group (we just called them the Belmore South guys) seemed to have aged and looked like they were now 16 or 17. I didn't especially care as to how or why they were how they were, a friend said it was because they lived on junk food and took hard drugs. But it was in their "section" of the canal that the sacrifices occurred. Myself, I didn't associate with the Belmore South guys. They just weren't the sort of guys I would hang out with; still I never had any problems with them when I went onto their 'turf.'

Sometimes I would bring friends with me up that section of canal without problems and they would go back up there without me and again without problems. However these friends were part of the "association" (though not necessarily of the creed). There was one guy who while being a friend of a lot of the guys in the association was never actually in it or considered of the "creed." One day he went up the canal by himself and ended up having the shit beaten out of him, by his description of those bashed him it was more than likely the Belmore South guys.

I remember this because of a strange occurrence on that day, it was a Saturday and there were three of us who decided to go to the canal. Not for anything in particular, anyway on the way there we decided to go to Hughes Park because one of the guys had a friend whose younger brother was playing in a soccer match there.

The canal ran alongside the park; so all seemed good in that we could go to the match and see who came to the canal anyway. We went through Canterbury South primary school (my old school) to cut through the reserve behind it, as we did we saw a man (about late 20s to mid 30s) who was playing with two young kids that I assumed to be his children on the cricket pitch. As we walked past he said hello to us and we replied the usual "How's it going."

He then said to us "Are youse going to the soccer game?" I said yes we are, and then one of the other guys said that his friends' brother was playing. However it was what the man said next that threw us. "Your friend was here about 20 minutes, half hour ago. He went up the canal." At this point I assumed that one or both of the other guys I was with knew him because I certainly didn't.

The man gave a description of him and I had a picture in my head of who he might have being describing, but seeing as I didn't know this man I thought it was someone whom I didn't know either. All three of us looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders; the man looked at us as if to say 'are you saying you don't know who I'm talking about'?

As everyone took turns looking at each other in a quizzical manner, one of the guys piped up and said "We gotta get going, see ya later." We walked off for a bit then one guy said to the other "Where do you know him from?" The reply was "I don't know him." They then looked at me and all I could say was "No. I don't know him. I thought you did?" For a moment we again looked at each other in the same quizzical manner, apart from maybe seeing him once or twice around the area we certainly didn't know him. We then tried to guess about who he was describing, we took a couple of guesses as to who it might be but we hadn't seen those guys around the canal before. In the end we put it down that the man mistook us for someone else. A few days later I was told about the bashing, the description the man gave us was 100% spot on.

I suppose it was almost a case of curiosity almost killed the cat. He had no reason to be there, or (as far as I could tell) knew anyone there. All I could put it down to was that he heard about us going to that section of the canal and wanted to see for himself what it was all about. Looking back on it there must have been somebody who knew both groups and decided who was OK and who wasn't. There are a couple of guys who I suspect may have been 'middle men' but I can't say for certain. As for the man on the pitch? I only saw him around the area on rare occasion – I never again spoke to him.

Then again I might be wrong altogether. I know that there were certain personal beefs between guys before they started hanging out in the "association" but once someone gave the thumbs up to someone and everyone agreed then those beefs were forgotten. Maybe it was a peer thing; maybe it was a higher (or lower) calling.

As for drugs? I knew fuck all about drugs, sure I sucked on the occasional bong but I was never tempted to use heroin even though that seemed to be the new trend. I just had no idea as to the long term consequences of drug use and didn't care for that matter. Had some chemical experiences such as taking some pill which led me to have 5x vision and seeing the furniture walk down the road. Got angel dusted a couple of times, but I had no recollection as to what I did (one of the guys told me that I thought I was a spider and was trying to climb the wall).

Looking back at it I realise that I was a guinea pig, but it was kind of entertaining. I knew some of the guys went for glue and solvents; it wasn't my thing except as a last option. Booze actually wasn't all that popular from what I could make out. Myself I didn't really like the taste of beer, my preference was for the "Vok" range of spirits. I had been introduced to them by the son of a family friend who was about the same age as me. He mixed up Vok Amsterdam (red/orange colour) with lemonade in milkshake cartons, tasted quite nice actually. It was what you would expect from something in happy colours coming from pretty bottles.

Point being? Kids take notice of the parents' actions, but my father was never much of a drinker so neither was I. All I was really doing was riding a wave but also getting lost in the current. As I said I was just out of my depth.

One night I had a vivid dream about being sent to hell for punishment. It went like this: I was put on a slippery mud covered raft with the other condemned on a fiery lava lake; the raft had a guard rail and on one corner stood an angel with a barge pole. As the angel moved the raft into the lake I stooped down behind the others and clung onto the rail behind everyone else, the condemned thrown into the lake did not die, they simply burned and screamed.

Then came where I was the last 'passenger' on the raft, the angel then stood again on a corner of the guard rail and used the barge pole to return the raft back to the shore and pier. The angel then opened the gate in the rail, I just ran as far as I could and into a dark tunnel. I have no other memory of what happened after that, I just woke up the next morning as per usual albeit somewhat shaken. This plus those three words my friend told me convinced me to jump and that I did.

The first thing I learned after doing this was "What Satan giveth, Satan taketh away". Not only did I lose my status as a 'cool guy' I also became a pariah and a hated one at that. Still I didn't regret it; I just assumed it was a type of punishment or something. Yes I had ditched Satan but I didn't go to God, not at first anyway. After a while I thought that I would have to go to church to 'make good' with God.

But where to go? I had no idea, so I picked a church down the road from my place only because it was closer and actually it was the church where we used to meet up at. The people who went there were nice enough, but quite frankly I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing there. It seemed like a type of weekend detention for what I had done. I didn't go there because I felt a need to be a Christian; it was because I felt it was a necessary thing to do.

I was trying to live a Christian lifestyle even though I had no idea about theology (or God for that matter) and was instead basing my conduct on stereotypes like the dorky lay down and die Christian. I was to spend the next two years trying to somehow 'make up' for what I had gotten myself into. I gave away the church thing after about three months- I just didn't get it. I tried to be a placid forgiving person and got beaten up for it many times, the lesson I learned from that is if you tolerate a tyrant - the more intolerable they become (or as someone told me "The meek don't inherit the earth – they get rubbed into it").

Eventually I became a normal teenager, the turn the other cheek crap wasn't for me. Yes I believed in the existence of God but I couldn't believe in a theology that even the clergy had trouble explaining. As far as I was concerned I believed in God and that was about it. That doesn't mean that I had any form of faith or dedication to God, my understanding of God was still as abstract as ever. I accepted that there was a God, much in the way a deist would I suppose.

All up I was involved in Satanism for about 15 months, but I must say I didn't regret being part of it. I suppose it was in part because I encountered other kids in the "association" who came from circumstances similar to mine. Either their parents were divorced, drunks, junkies, abusive or just didn't give a shit about them. Some of them were being raised by their grandmothers because of these circumstances; the image of saying grace at the family dinner table with 'mum and dad' was completely alien to us. No doubt there were parents and relatives who tried their utmost to look after us, my father held a job and did his best to ensure I was taken care of. Still, when you saw how 'normal' families lived you couldn't help but feel you were missing out on something.

These days being of divorced parents is no big deal, it wasn't always like that. Some of us received some nasty words, not from other kids but from adults. I remember one day I was walking to the shop with a friend when a man (who I believe was an uncle of a kid at my primary school) stopped us and asked my friend how his parents were. My friend said they were OK, the man then asked me how mine were and then added "Your parents are divorced aren't they?" The only answer I could say was yes, he then asked "Are you living with your father?" Again yes, then came "Where is your mother?" Simple answer -I don't know, as soon as I said that frustration showed on his face. No doubt he was one of these losers who thinks that divorced women are an easy root and realised he would have to spend another night with his rubber doll. He then told me that because my parents were divorced that I was a bastard and that nothing good would ever come from me. He was someone that you would associate with being an "upright member of the community." Nice introduction into the dynamics of male-female sexual liaisons for a ten year old wasn't it? Oh well, wasn't I just living up to others expectations by becoming a Satanist? Satan doesn't have to go out recruiting kids; shitbags like that loser do it for him.

For the next few years nothing regarding the occult happened to me and nor did I seek it out. Though on occasion I would have some of the younger kids who remembered me from the church hangout come and ask me to teach them about Satan. They too were now about 12, the same age as I was when I first started. All I would simply tell them was not to bother about Satan and that it was a waste of time. When I gave it up I vowed never to repeat the prayers I had used to anyone else, lest they began to use them. On occasion I would sometimes wonder if what I had been doing was unique to me or the others in the group, seeing as there were others doing the same thing at the age we were when we were doing it.

Even though I had left the "association" or more correctly distanced myself from it, (it never was a formal group or gang structure) I would occasionally bump into guys that I knew from those days. There was no animosity and we would talk about who's at the hangout and what's happening. Funny thing was that I essentially became too scared to venture into the Belmore South section of the canal by myself, whereas before to do so was no problem. I was worried that the guys there might try to make me participate in a sacrifice or ritual. But it was as though I lost a set of armour when I left Satanism, a sense of bravado if you like. I just had no idea how to replace it or what to replace it with. I tried being a skinhead, punk and nihilist; all of these were short term fads for the most part.

Much like other teenagers I was trying to figure out what I was and where I fitted in society. Anyway much like any other loose group things change, people move away or else drift off. A couple of the guys either died from drugs or ended up in the clink from what I heard, sometimes I would go to the hangout just to see who was there. It was now 1986, so it had been four years since I jumped ship. By now there was only the occasional face I recognised and the rest were completely new to me. From what I understood the Satanism thing had more or less died out, or at least so I thought.

One day I was taking a walk down the road with a guy I knew from my primary school days when we came across another guy from our primary school days, he in turn was waiting for another guy who was also from our primary school days. I asked him "What was he up to?" He told me that he and the other guy were going to Rookwood Cemetery to "chop the heads off some dogs." I didn't know what to say, so I just said goodbye and walked off. In one way I was surprised that he and the other guy were not only still practicing Satanism but also "improving" (for want of a better word) their practice of it. But in another way I wasn't, probably because I had some unresolved issues about my spirituality and indeed my identity.

The only other "association" that I was involved with was a type of gang which was simply known as the A.S.P.O. It was a race based gang that was formed out of necessity because of the attacks on "skips" (Australians or those who identified themselves as such) by wog gangs. It was only formed by a few guys because we were unable to join (or unwanted) by another gang of sorts known as AWARF. We were always small in number; the gang only had about ten members at its peak so we were pretty much reduced to graffiti. We just didn't have the manpower to fight gangs that were double our size, so I decided (and still think) that brains defeats brawn. What we did was to find out the addresses of individual rival gang members and attack their houses in the middle of the night. The tactic worked and still does as can be seen by other gang wars where this is also used. For us it gave us a 'name' and even a degree of respect by our rivals.

The point being? Well it wasn't about being calculating that I learned from this period; the lesson I got slapped in the face with came by accident but probably better described as coincidence. One night me and some of the guys decided to go into the city and hang around a bit, when we went onto the platform at St. James station to get the train home we encountered one of the rival wog gangs.

And a wog gang they were, they were Lebs and really, really hated skips. But what stunned me the most was one of their group was a guy me and another knew from our primary school days. Not only was he a skip, he was also a member of AWARF! In addition I remember seeing that guy getting a beating from that same gang. On the platform they were content to keep to themselves and we didn't want to force the issue. Still when we got on the train I kept thinking to myself "what the hell is that guy doing?"

Not long afterwards I was told that drug dealing was more important than race, their 'reconciliation' was nothing to do with the kumbayah singing, oneness of humanity. Nope, it was due to common greed and easy money. On the surface they maintained their known and public image, but behind the scenes it was make deals to make money regardless of who gets hurt in the process. People were joining up to serve one cause on behalf of the very many but were being used to serve a cause on behalf of the very few; just like modern politics really. A.S.P.O. only lasted about a year, guys either moved away or else moved on and internal bickering and beefs finally killed it off. The lesson I learned from all this was duplicity.

Fast forward to mid 1988 - by now I have a job, my father has a defacto and all three of us are living together in Wiley Park a bit to the west of Canterbury. The days of bumping into people in Canterbury (Campsie South or whatever it's called these days) are well and truly over. There were a couple of guys from school days living in the area, but everyone else that I considered a friend has moved out and moved on. My spare time is spent looking around bookstores, watching TV or occasionally hanging out with potheads, there was no sense of community there as everything is pretty much divided among racial lines.

I didn't know what to make of my life, I just assumed getting wasted on weekends was the 'normal' thing that adults do and it doesn't seem that anything has changed today. One day I was browsing in a bookstore when I saw a book called "The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abra-Melin the Mage"[1]. After a flick through it and seeing the magic square diagrams my eyes opened up so I bought it. This was the first genuine occult book I ever bought or even held. Upon returning home I tried to read it as fast as I could, the book is both a story and an instruction manual. If you haven't read it I would recommend it, the story of Abraham the Jew is worth the price of it alone.

However at the time I got impatient with the story and went for the magic section, it was truly fascinating to me compared with the hotchpotch of folk tales I had been basing my magic on before. It introduced me to the concept that there was a science behind magic, yet I didn't understand how or why it worked. I was more interested in shortcutting the preparation part in order to get instant results, after not being able to fully comprehend the book; I put it away and left it for a while.

I was soon to turn 20 by this time and things were more or less going okay for me, yes I tried the usual things that men do at that age like check out hotted up cars and hit the nightclubs and other things. Myself, I just didn't find it as good as other guys did and more or less found it pointless and shallow. It was depth I wanted and this wasn't coming to me by the things I was doing. I gradually drifted from the guys I was hanging out with; spending my spare time smoking hash and bullshit talk was something I just wasn't prepared to put up with anymore and wasters don't make good or trustworthy friends.

Although I didn't regret leaving Satanism I must confess that I was left with a sense of emptiness. As I said it did seem like I lost my armour, but it also left a void within me. Maybe you could say something was missing from my psyche and I hadn't replaced it. Sub-cultures such as skins, punks, yuppies, whatever, are trends. They might be lifestyles but to put them in the same category as religions such as Satanism is plain wrong. Religions require a sense of devotion, sub-cultures by themselves do not.

If this world was as good as it got, then I wanted another world. Magic was that other world, or at least the study of it. I was told about an occult bookstore so I went around there to see what they were selling. Most of the stuff wasn't really to do with hardcore magic and the books that did were for the most part over my head. However I did find a book that dealt with basic spells and the mythology behind them, it was called "The Complete Book of Spells, Ceremonies and Magic"[2]. It at least gave me a basic understanding in regards to magic. I bought it because it was easy to read and digest unlike other books that assume you already have some sort of prior knowledge about the subject. Soon I realised it was not the magic per se that I was seeking but another world and its inhabitants. To study is one thing - to experience is another. I wanted to seek out angels, demons and other spirits because I really wanted to be shocked and amazed.

Not only did I want that, but I wanted it now. I couldn't find any "proper" instruction or even dialogue from the 'proper sources' such as the church or anything similar, so I called up an old friend – his name is Satan.

It was in the late afternoon on a Saturday towards the end of 1988 just as dusk settled. I had the house to myself, facing the west I lit the candle and bowed in submission to recite the oath to Satan. For the past 12 months I was gradually slipping into this out of a sense of 'needing completion'. By now I had become a headbanger into Satanic metal, as much as I told myself I wouldn't worship Satan again and for as much as I remembered that I did not want to become like the guys from Belmore South - I fell in again. The circumstances and gradualness led me to that path and everything clicked. The jigsaw pieces had seemed to fall in place and I was seduced. This time it was my informed decision and I knew what I was doing.

[1 ]The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abra-Melin the Mage by S.L. Mac Gregor-Mathers published by The Antiquarian Press ISBN 0850302552

[2] The Complete Book of Spells, Ceremonies and Magic by Migene Gonzalez-Wippler published by Llewellyn Publications ISBN 0875422861

## Chapter 2

Although some people become fanatical when they change or adopt a new faith, (I believe the phrase is: "none as fervent as the newly converted") myself I never felt the need to try and batter others into converting to what I thought was beneficial to them. As far as I was concerned I was a Satanist and no different to anyone else in other regards. Returning to Satanism didn't make me an alpha male or an "A" grade persona nor did I wish to adopt such a personality. I had no need to ostentatiously display my faith nor try out magic spells at every given moment. Sure I would look for information to broaden my horizons in regard to Satanism and the occult in general but for the most part I was happy in the skin I was in.

The next year would pretty much sail by, if you are expecting tales about cutting babies heads off and other crap that you've seen on TV you are certain to be disappointed. Apart from getting into the black metal scene and occasionally wearing Satanic type jewellery there was nothing that I publicly displayed to show my faith. There were people who guessed what I was into, but for the most part people didn't or simply refused to believe rumours about me. If I was asked by someone if I worshipped Satan I would simply answer "I don't worship God. I suppose you would call me an atheist." It is really a matter of semantics depending on who asks that question and how you wish to answer it, don't worry I'll fill you in on it later on.

My Satanist belief was solitary, there were no temples, lodges, covens etc. as you might imagine. Satanism is very individualistic in the sense that you are responsible for following your own path, it is no ones responsibility but your own. The black metal scene was a type of commonality if you were looking for company, if you were into Slayer, Mortal Sin, Venom or King Diamond you would know where to look. It was a case of follow the graffiti and see what happens, much like in the canal. As for the Belmore South guys? I have no idea what happened to them.

Those bands had a cult following among Satanists in the mid to late eighties before they became more 'mainstream'. Although most fans were simply into the music and culture of black metal you could always find "someone who knew someone who knew someone". The places to "hang out" were the Villawood shops and Monier Square at the Leightonfield train station. Most serious occult practitioners prefer to work alone or with people of reasonable knowledge and similar style. Having people who might cast or be in a state of doubt regarding a ritual is simply too disruptive. Also remember that in '88/'89 being known as an occult practitioner made you to be the local kook, being a Satanist did that even more so.

The few serious guys I did meet had their own thing going, whilst I was still in the process of learning various aspects of magic ritual. While I was somewhat content just to listen to music and hang out to chit chat about everything from the serious to the mundane, I knew that I had to step up to the plate and get serious. I found there were ways to 'improve' rituals by taking bits and pieces from other mythologies such as the various pagan beliefs for example. Satanism is scalable; you can add pagan entities and rituals as you wish so long as the first hommage is paid to the Satan. Actually Satanism is more polytheistic than monotheistic; Satan is a title and not the name of a specific entity. Lucifer is the current "Satan" just as Elizabeth Windsor is the current Queen, just as Francis or whatever the Argies name is the current Pope. My favourite satanic prince was Leviathan, there wasn't a contradiction. Does preferring Prince Charles as your favourite royal mean you are disloyal to the Queen or monarchy?

I would also join the Rosicrucians (AMORC) later on, hoping to find some sort of direction I suppose. The branch I joined gave information by correspondence, it indeed was useful in understanding the principles of metaphysics, and still it was not what I really yearned for as I was seeking my own "style" and in all honesty just didn't have the self discipline required. I might have continued along the Rosicrucian path except for a split between the Imperator and the AMORC board, and not knowing who was in the right or wrong I just decided to make my own way.

I had studied, I had learned, I was about to turn 21 and I knew it was time to "man up", get the ball rolling and get serious to fulfil my religion and my vow.

All the knowledge in the world doesn't mean anything unless you have a purpose, or at least a sense of purpose. With Satan I had that purpose. The intent to serve evil is indeed a powerful motivation, most people associate evil with the likes of committing crimes and the like against other people. This is not what Satan's' evil is about. With the likes of perverts and killers their motivation is personal gratification and criminal gain instead of a long-term objective beyond this lifetime. When you sign up with Satan you find yourself in a personal war with Jehovah (the God of Abraham), you are essentially making yourself an equal to him. Once you take this step if anything in your world once seemed mundane it will doubly be so now.

I'll give you this poor analogy; we all know that gay men are more likely to get HIV/AIDS from their sexual activities than anyone else. If you go into the sub-culture of anonymous sex in public toilets the risk increases and if you bareback in that environment then the risk dramatically increases. Yet for the participants of such activities the adrenaline rush before and during the encounter would be amazing due to the combined pleasure and fear factor. The next step of the encounter is more dramatic, that being the HIV test. The anticipation, doubt and fear would be consuming until the result arrives, if the result is negative the participant would (I imagine) gain such relief, joy and I suppose a sense of immortality. To walk away uninfected despite all those risk factors and seemingly gain an edge over the laws of mathematics would boost your ego indeed. The only other things I could compare serving the "cause" of Satan with are extreme sports or betting all of your possessions on the turn of a card.

Now any of the above hazardous activities can result in ruination of the participant, but the consequences of that participation doesn't necessarily extend into the hereafter. That's the big difference with disciples of Satan; failure on this earth could mean eternal ruination. Once you've left this world that's it, there's no second chance to fight on. You have to hope that those other disciples still alive can achieve the job that you didn't. Gays, gamblers and daredevils always have hope of a second chance (even though they might not ever get it). They are hoping to stay alive long enough until a natural death takes them and then it's all over.

Satanists don't get the hope of that chance, not only are you up against a natural death at the very least you are also up against a timeline because you don't know if or when Jehovah is going to pull the plug on humanity or even if he specifically intends to pull the plug on you. This is why Satanists are so steadfast and uncompromising; actually there isn't much to compromise. As long as you hold Lucifer as the Satan, or at the very least swear your first loyalty to the Satan then you basically are free to do as you wish as long as it serves the greater good of the Satan.

So what is Satans' evil? Well it is to bring about the reversal of order or more correctly to hijack it, a coup if you like. Make the Satan (Lucifer) into the God (Jehovah), thus if done then Jehovah becomes the Satan and Lucifer becomes the God – this is the reversal of order. Or a 'new order' if you like and this pertains to creation and animation or 'under new management'.

You may think that Satanists have no interest in the religious communities and orders that are part of any religious denomination, or at least are indifferent to them. If you did think that you would be wrong, on a number of occasions I seriously contemplated enlisting in a seminary to become a priest. There is a Catholic magazine called "Annals" which carries ads and notices for the various orders. I regularly bought this magazine to get an insight into my opposition and see what opportunities were available where I could insert myself, and a trainee priest was one of them. Why not? It is a perfect job, you get fed, housed, trained in scripture, access to churches and sanctums (which you can use for rituals) along with consecrated wine, wafers and religious "tools". After the training you not only can do the consecrating yourself, you also get a parish (Darlinghurst/Kings Cross was my target) in which you can slowly insert your beliefs and preach to the parishioners. Either corrupt their beliefs or drive them away, heads you win and tails they lose.

What actually stopped me was that I was not a Catholic and had no idea as to their rituals and practices; going to a Catholic church to learn these things was not an option. It was something I just couldn't bring myself to do, if I was instructed to praise God or praise Jesus I think my head would have spun around like a top. But what if I did? Let's be frank about the issue of pedophile priests, the issue of child abuse isn't something that occurred just a few years ago. No, this has been happening for nearly a century that I know of. Cases can be traced back to the 1920s and have occurred across various countries at various times, almost to an extent that one could say they were co-ordinated or at least had common factors. Remember there was no internet, mail between countries sometimes took months and phones weren't in every building, if the abuse had a co-ordinator of sorts then he would have been high up. I'm not saying that the pedophile priests were Satanists as I have no proof of this, but if you were to ask me would I have done such things? I can't honestly say yes or no, it would depend on the circumstances at the time. All I could really say is that I was obliged to serve the greater good for Satan regardless of how wicked, perverted and distasteful those tasks might have been.

The purpose is all consuming, at the end of January 1990 I finished up at the job I was at but I knew this was coming.

It had been a while since I had a holiday or a reasonable amount of spare time, so I went on a "library safari" looking for new knowledge. For the most part I didn't find very much, but I would find a reference or sentence that would lead elsewhere. After about a month I got another job, it wasn't one that I particularly liked but it was stable. I suppose I was financially secure but my life was like that of a treadmill, but I had the sense of purpose I could aspire to great things, not to do with money or anything like that. It was the possibility of experiencing and thriving in the realm of eternal success, a type of transcendence if you like.

Unless you've been in a similar situation it's hard to describe, maybe a comparison would be when Edmund Hillary conquered Mount Everest. From mountaineer to Sir, he is in a way immortal because he will never be forgotten. No matter who does the same thing Mount Everest will always be synonymous with Sir Edmund Hillary. As long as Mount Everest remains on this earth so will he, it wasn't fame I was looking for but the feeling. Can you imagine what it would have been like to be him when he reached the top? No amount of money could ever buy that and in a way money becomes irrelevant to your world.

He risked his life; he put everything up on wager. There was no guarantee that he would make it to the top, or even survive the ascent. You can also say that there was no guarantee that he would survive the descent. No doubt he knew the odds of success and failure; still he went ahead and made it to the top of the world. He lived for that moment and captured it; even if he died on the way down he still captured it. I think there is a difference between living for the moment and living for a moment. Once you have captured that moment then it is yours forever and nothing can take it from you.

I was taking too much time from my job in order to scour libraries everywhere for all bits and pieces of information I could find in order to serve Satan. So I just quit, now some people would say "Why did you quit your job? Why would you do something stupid like that?" I'm not one of those people who bases his whole existence on a "job". To me to exist only for a lousy job that consumes your entire life is pointless, and quite frankly pathetic. It limits your aspirations to transcend this world, you essentially become a robot. Why would I want a job when I had a quest? The game was on and I had put everything up for wager, the stage had finally come where I could no longer be a "weekend Satanist" it was as simple as that.

With my now "job" so to speak I was able to expand my knowledge and study so as to increase my understanding about the more rudimentary aspects of magic. Actually there is no such thing as "Satanic magic", all Satanic magic really is the perversions of other occult practices both Abrahamic and pagan. Essentially I was nothing but a sorcerer, yes I could perform magic but I had no real understanding of how it worked because I had no "system" to adhere to or use as reference. Nevertheless it did work, again I just had basic aims and I reached those targets. Time passed by and towards the mid part of 1990 I moved out of home and into a hotel which gave me some privacy (would you tell your father what you did if you were me?). From there I could study uninterrupted and as I did my knowledge and understanding increased, but without a system of applying that knowledge and understanding I was still floating around in relation to my occult practices. Funny thing was that when I first moved in I wanted my own room; this hotel had options of either share with someone or have your own room. It was more a boarding house rather than a hotel, and at the time there wasn't any single rooms available.

So until one did become available I had to share a room with a guy who turned out to be a former Catholic priest, indeed it was interesting and something I would never have expected to occur. I found out one afternoon while I was on the bed reading an occult book (about three days after I moved in) when he came in the room and saw me. I naturally assumed that he wouldn't ask about what I was reading and if he did, he wouldn't understand or care for that matter. Anyway he asked, all I told him that it was a book about the occult. He then told me that the occult was dangerous and then asked "Want to know how I know?" He then went to a wardrobe on his side of the room and took out a photo album, opened it up and handed it to me. For a split second I thought that I had come upon a fellow Satanist or someone who was into the occult as well. Needless to say he wasn't, the photos were of him in his priest attire at various churches.

To say I was surprised was an understatement, I was bewildered if anything and unsure what to do. However after talking to him about his priest life I was actually quite OK with him, he had left the church quite sometime ago to get married. The marriage didn't work out and was staying in the hotel to save money and set himself up for retirement.

Yes I can imagine a sitcom coming from a situation like that but the next day a single room became available and so I moved out. Nevertheless I kept on good terms with him while I was there, I never told him about me being a Satanist and as one I never felt the need to be malevolent towards him. The information that he told me about his experiences in the church (from his perspective) in a way made me glad I never joined up to be a priest.

I was 21 years old by this stage and a few of the other guys at the hotel were my age or a little older. So we had nights out, parties etc. But now I was enjoying these sorts of activities whereas before I didn't because I saw them as empty and pointless so I hadn't bothered with these things for a while. Being a Satanist seemed to give me a type of depth that I didn't possess before in the period between leaving the first time and rejoining the second. The party lifestyle and Satanist belief seemed to complement each other well.

Life continued on with my quest, in due time others began to question me about my beliefs. It wasn't as though I was proclaiming my Satanism for all to hear, let's be honest everyone has at least questioned the "bigger picture" of existence. People talk in a round about way about magic and the like, sort of like pornography in being that everyone will look at it but no-one wants to admit it or be caught doing it. As there were these sorts of conversations from time to time at the hotel I would have probably seemed more knowledgeable and outspoken on these sorts of subjects. Eventually people would come to conclusions or assumptions that I was a Satanist or an occultist of some sort, something which I did not either confirm or deny. Word spread eventually from the hotel to other places I socialised in and for a while it seemed it was like school days again.

I was both cool guy and kook; however what I did find was that people would knock on my door at what seemed random times to want to speak to me about occult matters. It wasn't as though these people wanted to convert to Satanism, it was just that they had questions that they couldn't get answers for. Although I was somewhat apprehensive at first, in the end I came to enjoy their questions. It allowed me to explain not only to them, but also to myself what it was both of us were seeking. Sure I tried to bring them around to my belief but I was just as content to have them go exploring for themselves, it was just part of the quest I think all of us have at one stage of life or another.

1990 was drawing to its' close, to me life was going along fine. What was 1991 going to bring me? I didn't contemplate or plan that far ahead, it was never a priority of mine to make timetables or set deadlines for myself. To me it was a case of "what happens - happens." While people try to plan out their lives ahead, I never felt the need to do so. I suppose I just never contemplated consequences and just left everything to 'chance' (destiny?), things such as career, getting married and planning a family etc. just had no resonance with me because I really believed that these things would come into play as I needed instead of as others wanted.

If you look at the aspirations of others you tend to see a replicating pattern of "get a job, get married, have kids..." and when those kids grow up the cycle repeats. From being creations of God with unique intellects we have somewhat devolved into being farm animals who seem to do nothing but eat, sleep, shit and fuck. Well I noticed this at that time and was determined not to go down that path; it isn't as though I have anything against marriage or kids it's just that I know that humans can live better than the fate that faceless bureaucrats and an apathetic society would provide us.

Actually you'll find that Satanists refer to non spiritually inclined people as the "herd" (this is sort of like the term 'nigger.' It can be used by Satanists to refer to everyday saps and themselves. Like the term nigger has different meanings and contexts when used by niggers and non-niggers), and it is true especially in Western nations. Money is king and the herd will do anything for it, this is because we no longer live in communities but economies.

Anyway as 1991 kicked off, my life was more or less in cruise control. I really had nothing to complain about, the only thing that pissed me off was that because of the recession my party buddies didn't go out as much as I did. To me party time could be any given time depending if I felt like it, I could go out and find something happening at some pub, club or someones house or sometimes even a strangers house. I suppose I was a novelty that people wanted around them, just like a good luck charm. There were always free drugs around at these places, at least free to me. It wasn't as though that drug dealers were trying to hook me as a new client, it was always a case of "help yourself, have a snort".

The same with money for partying, the thing that would strike me now and again was that I could party and drink all night and hardly open my wallet. Even then it was only to buy my buddies something to eat when we were out or give them a few bucks when they spent all their money so as to party on. Sometimes I would come home with more than what I went out with, one of the guys said "your ol' mate Satan looks after you" and I suppose he did. I couldn't come up with a logical explanation of how these things happened, in the end I just didn't think about it because although it could be put down to a series of random coincidences, I didn't believe that it was.

If you were to buy a pair of pants and find that every time you put your hand in your pocket you would pull out a $100 dollar note, what would you do? Would you tear the pants apart looking for the source of the money? Or would you just be content to pull out $100 dollar notes one at a time and not question it at all? I'm not saying this happened to me, but I took the latter option of not questioning and just accepting it. I suppose another question of that type would be if you drove your car for a year without having to fill up your tank, would you honestly take your car apart just to satisfy your curiosity and possibly risk causing it to stop?

So was it a case of being wasted everyday? No, I certainly didn't see it that way. I didn't consider myself to be an addict of any drugs. I liked to smoke a packet of Winfield Red a day and that was about all, as for anything else I didn't crawl through sewers to get a high because I didn't need to. I never felt anything like withdrawal pains, freakout, whatever because there was always a line or toke available if I wanted it. Even if I didn't use any drugs for a day or two, it wouldn't worry me. I just liked the feeling of a high much like everyone else I suppose, but I didn't need it like an addict does. It just complemented my lifestyle; my life kind of resembled one of those teenage dominated soaps where it seems that everything is too good to be true. It wasn't exactly that, but it was better than most other peoples' and all I had to do was honour Satan in prayer and deed. Much like a preacher really.

Life did indeed to seem like a continuous party with good times and leisure all around. Was it too much of a distraction from my service to Satan? I wouldn't say so; maybe trashing myself was part of that service. When it came to ritual it was a matter of "getting down to business". I could be doped up so as to be on another planet but when I knew that the stars or moon phases were opportune for a ritual it would become a case of instant sobriety for me. It wasn't a matter of making up shit on the spot, there was planning to do such as what was the aim, where it was going to be held at, timing, who was coming and how it was to be carried out. Much like an events organiser or indeed a preacher, although it might appear easy to one who hasn't done it before it definitely isn't. Remember you are doing it for the boss, the one who you have given yourself over to and is not renowned for his tolerance or patience. So yes I was serving Satan, but as to if I was serving myself and my original aim to gain occult knowledge and power from it? In all honesty? Probably not.

One day I went to a "new age" exhibition just to see what was happening. I found a lot of the stalls there to be inane or peddling outright bullshit. There was one stall selling books so I took a look and saw a book called "Simplified Magic- A Beginners Guide To The New Age Qabala"[3]. I had heard of kabbalah before in other books I had read, but the description seemed somewhat abstract. This book was pretty easy to read and understand so I forked over the ten bucks for it. As I was walking around I noticed that a lot of the people at the exhibition were about twice my age and some were older. What you have to remember is that I'm 22 years old living in Sydney, Australia in 1991, there was no internet and genuine "hardcore" occult books are still very hard to find.

Moving from stall to stall speaking in general chit-chat to the stall holders and visitors in general, I realised that they barely knew any more than what I did (if at all), and in a lot of cases it was even less. I found that a lot of people didn't really have an understanding of what they were seeking; they were seeking an answer but didn't comprehend the question. They were left in a state of doubt and this is why these people fall for the snake oil sellers of the 'new age' movement.

So I returned back to the hotel with my book looking at what I can get from it in order to serve Satan. Well if you are going to be evil you might as well be good at it. The thing was now I had a book that described the science/philosophy/theology behind a system, something that I never really had before (or one that I could largely comprehend). A system provides an explanation as to why things work; you practice magic by a system. I never was a magician I was a sorcerer.

Yes I could practice rituals to obtain magical results, but I never knew or understood how it worked. Magic is kind of like algebra, at first you have no idea how the result came about but once you understand the formula then everything falls in to place. What I was doing with Satanism was that I was altering the formula in order to obtain the result and the math behind it was flawed. Essentially I was using a cheat sheet and that cheat sheet belonged to Satan and the answers weren't even his. Nothing that I accomplished actually came from my own work (or his for that matter) and I was using rituals that were plagiarised from other plagiarisms.

The more I read the more I understood kabbalah and how it works, and indeed how all magic works and the components involved. Until that time the only "science" I had used was to cherry pick some aspects of the Goetia and apply them in a haphazard way. More and more I came to doubt my faith in Satanism, slowly and quite reluctantly realised that my faith in Satan and his occult practices and indeed his "power" were based on lies, self deceit and assumptions.

Once again I realised how out of my depth I was. It was not Satan that I wished to serve; in fact I would say that I did not wish to serve anyone but myself. I did acknowledge kabbalah as a superior practice of magic and that Satanism was more of a creed than a type of mysticism. In kabbalah I learned of the four planes of existence as well as the tree of life and death of the knowledge of good and evil (or just commonly called the tree of life) and the sephiroth. The thing is you could only practice kabbalah if you are a servant of the God of Abraham -Jehovah, but being a declared enemy of God made kabbalah off-limits to me. It isn't a matter of jumping from one master to another, it's not that easy. To do so makes you a mercenary of sorts and no-one shows mercenaries any goodwill. So I was just stagnant, stuck in a period of doubt that was consuming me slowly but surely.

But the fact was that I was once again in a situation that I was in previously. I wanted out, but this time I didn't know if it was possible. To join Satan as a punk kid and leave was one thing, to do it again as an adult was something else I suppose. It was the thrill of the magic I wanted –not Jehovah. So not only did I bet everything on the turn of a card, now I was trying to change that bet against the turn. History repeated itself again as I bailed out on the evil one. My life was slowly but surely going down the toilet, it was just a matter of when and how far down would I go.

Really I was in a stupor of sorts losing all track of time and wondering where reality begins and ends, from that I completely neglected all aspects of my day to day life. In addition as I had no long term plans there was nothing for me to fall back on. Still I continued with the magic, using my various bits of knowledge I made my own "middle pillar" ritual. It was a case of "double or nothing!" either I would succeed or die or else go crazy, I would win either way because anything would be better than the situation that I was in. I'll never forget that ritual, imagine combining ecstasy and crank together and using it for the first time. Or drinking about five caffeine energy drinks at once, you literally feel like you can fly and just like any drug you can't wait for the next hit. As opposed to satanic rituals that leave you with a dull, sleepy, seduced and 'stoned' feeling.

Consumed by magic, abandoning Satan, ignoring Jehovah and devoid of hope, the concept of a future just didn't come in the scheme of things in regards to my existence. I was in a situation where I just didn't know what to do and was merely waiting to see how things would pan out. Instead of gaining independence, here I was in a position where I was just a passenger unable to act in whatever events and scenarios affected my life.

I chose the song "Losing my religion" as a theme for this part of my life, it wasn't a matter of just losing my religion – I had lost it entirely. Some might say that I should of 'returned to Christianity', but I had never been a Christian. The only 'religion' that I ever had was Satanism, with most people who face adversity they can say "Well at least I can rely on God, I've got my faith." I didn't have that; not only was I disconnected from both God and Satan, I couldn't even become an atheist because I didn't even have faith in myself.

Maybe you've had this feeling too; the difference I suppose was that I knew why this was happening. Payback time was inevitable; the road to reconciliation with Jehovah was inevitable (though the only thing that really stopped me was shame and I didn't actually know if I could be forgiven). As I packed my suitcase and sneaked out of the hotel in the middle of the night leaving unpaid bills I knew things were going to change dramatically. At 3 am as I used my suitcase as a mattress in the car park of the Ashfield swimming pool, well then I knew they had.

[3] Simplified Magic- A Beginners Guide To The New Age Qabala by Ted Andrews published by Llewellyn Publications, Inc. ISBN 087542015X

## Chapter 3

It was 6.30 am when I woke up, my back ached and cars were starting to pull up in the car park. I didn't know if they had come to use the pool or were on their way to somewhere else. A few people walked past me as though I wasn't there, it didn't dawn on me why. Some glanced at me sideways when they got out of their cars, was it because I was loitering in a car park? Was it because of the particular time they saw me? Slowly I began to realise it was because of what I now was, even though it didn't sink in at first. I was now a bum.

Picking up my suitcase I wandered off not knowing what to do, in the end I decided I wanted to get some sleep and moved between various benches on nature strips and the like. No-one actually disturbed me but after a while in one place you do get self conscious knowing people look at you as they go past. All I wanted that day was to have a wall between me and the world so I could lie down and think without interruption. Then I could ponder...."What am I and what happened?" Although the cause of my situation was spiritual, it was my physical being that would suffer because I was in a mental neverworld. I went into a "survival mode" as my intellectual faculties were in a type of suspended animation. I've never been a big eater so the food that I found in bins was enough to keep me going (tip: school garbage bins are a decent source of fruit and sandwiches).

Although I feared drug withdrawal pains, thankfully I never had them. There were times I wish that I had a bottle of cheap wine, not so much to dull out the fact I was living on the street. It was the time that was the dreadful thing to endure. One minute might as well be one hour and one hour might as well be one day. In the end I only used two ways to measure time - day and night. Being bored was something that got to you, so one day I decided to go to the local library just for something to do. It was just over a mile from the park I was sleeping at, so I started walking but I don't even think I made a mile when I had to lie down on a brick fence physically exhausted. Now that there was no "afternoon speed" for me I began to feel the lack of energy in my body.

From there I looked down at my feet and could only see the tips of my toes, to my horror I realised what a bloated toad I had become. Not only was I a wreck spiritually but physically as well, when you're stoned you become oblivious to the state you're in. I had been on the street for fours days now and I was hoping that I had slipped into some parallel universe and that I would slip out of it and return back to a happy situation where everything was fine and OK. But it wasn't ever going to be, there was just no hope in my life on the street. I can see why a lot of homeless people end up screaming at pigeons and the like, it's as though there's a movie about you playing in your head. You're a supporting actor but you don't know the script and have no idea on how it ends.

Now some of you may say "What about the money you got? What about all the drugs? Couldn't you have saved or sold them for a rainy day?" This is what you have to understand, I had no concept of a 'rainy day'. Let's say you decide to have a weekend bender in Vegas, you look at your budget and then look at your timeframe. So you plan out what you are going to do (allowing for variations) and party on but with the knowledge that you have to return to 'normal life' in a couple of days.

I didn't have that; there were no concerns for a budget or timeframe. I didn't think in a rational human way because I honestly didn't think I had to. Things to do with planning and longterm consequences didn't apply to me as far as I was concerned, those things matter to the herd – not people like me. I remember joking with a friend when he brought up my partying and asked "How do you sustain yourself?" I laughed and said "The day I run out of money you will see me standing on top of that building (Ashfield Catholic club) taking a dive." I truly did not think that day would come; my 'bender' had been going on for about a year and a half.

Days went by and somehow I survived, find something here and steal something there. I think that I was resigned to being a bum, the only source of embarrassment to me now was that I might bump into people I know from the party days. As for my family I just had to keep lying and keep a distance between me and them. How on earth do you tell your parents that you're a homeless bum and how do you explain how you got there? I was once the guy whom people would cross the road to say hello to, now I was the guy people cross the road to avoid. One day I was walking down Frederick Street Ashfield near the railway bridge, a woman was heading in my direction pushing a pram when she saw me. She then ran out onto the road with the pram and somehow didn't get run over just to avoid crossing my path. That was one of the lowest ebbs in my life.

Although a lot of the people from the hotel moved on I kept in touch with one guy who was in a position not all that much better than mine. He saw what a bad way I was in and used to sneak me in to his room at a boarding house at night. When you've been on the streets for just over two weeks a bed in a flophouse seems like a dream come true and a hot shower feels like being reborn. I would have been content to do this every night, but when I had to tell my father that I was no longer staying at the hotel (for postal and emergency reasons) and that I was only "staying" at the boarding house until another arrangement could be made, my act about being OK developed some serious cracks. My father told me it was unfair of me to put my friend in this position, as he could be evicted if found out. Actually most people in the house knew, they just hadn't caught me. But I knew to leave was the right thing to do and went back on the street.

Did I ever contemplate returning to Satan? Yes I had thought about it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Just like when I considered becoming a priest, there are just some things you cannot force yourself to do despite what you have to gain from them. I got involved with Satanism for the magic, that and nothing else (and even then it was because it was the easiest route). I figured if I got that right then everything else would fall into place, but now I knew that would never be the case while being a Satanist as all the esoteric knowledge I had learned while being one was completely flawed. I now knew that everything that I once held true is based on lies, assumptions and laziness and to return to a faith based on lies in order to gain a certain lifestyle (financially speaking) was completely opposite to the reason I had started my journey. To do so was to truly "sell my soul to the devil."

I went to see my father a few days later; by now the whole "things are good" act had completely collapsed. By now I had been on the street for three weeks and it was impossible to convey even a sense of averageness, it was obvious that I was a bum in dire trouble. My fathers' wife asked me if I wanted to move in with them, what was I going to say? No? I had lost my money, faith and sense of self worth, and toughing it out on the streets wasn't going to do me any good.

I moved back in with my father and his wife. Unemployed and broke, my life for the next two and a half years would be desolate. The only good thing about this period was that I learned to go without and also how to be resourceful. I also no longer resembled a bloated toad, didn't smoke as much if ever because I had no money for smokes (or booze and drugs for that matter, nor did I have the contacts for such). No doubt this was "tough love" by Jehovah, if I continued on with the lifestyle I had under Satan I have no doubt that I would be six feet under by now (Sometimes I reflect back on how I lived and am truly amazed that I'm still breathing. I cannot put it down to 'chance').

Pleasure in my life simply did not exist; my existence on a spiritual level was just a void. Slowly I was learning how to reconcile with Jehovah, but all things take time and my magic could not bail me out of my situation. How could it? I did not know how to apply it because I did not have experience and this is what I believe my period of desolation was about. Throw in the fact that Australia was economically stagnate due to a recession, the few jobs that were around usually had at 50 -100 applicants and so employers could afford to be picky. I don't think being an ex-party boy for Satan is a qualification of any note.

Penance and experience, the former given and the latter received. As I was walking to a job interview I had reached the point of utter despair. It was the sort of despair where you saw death as the only way out, fact was I just couldn't continue to exist like this. It seemed like I was in an eternal state of misery. In this state of despair I called out to Jehovah "Oh please, please O Lord Jehovah. Give me this job; give me a reason to exist". My outpouring of desperation, frustration and despair was not planned; it was something that just happened. At that moment something happened, it seemed that I was about to levitate, the feeling of a huge relief came upon me.

Much like in a movie where a farm suffering under drought suddenly has the heavens open upon it and life giving rain flows down. About a week later I had a job and a feeling of dignity that I never had for a long time. I also had experience and a sort of reconciliation with Jehovah, it wasn't that I felt that I had been absolved of all that which I had done. It was more like I had gained a sense of balance and could put away the baggage I had burdened myself with. If my period of desolation was a prison sentence, then I reasoned that I was now on parole - at least on earth anyway.

With my new found 'wealth' (considering I had absolutely no money whatsoever it indeed was wealth to me) from my job, there were two things I wanted to do. First pay back all the people I had to sponge off during those two and a half years. Secondly, buy more occult books, the quest for knowledge never ended despite being penniless. In fact I spent more time at libraries than anywhere else and found some books that I would have never found at all if my time was spent otherwise.

Not being able to afford any books meant that I had to copy the contents of these books by hand, which allowed me to digest the contents as I wrote. Understanding the mechanics of magic is essentially metaphysics and metaphysics is along the same lines of philosophy, however todays' philosophy is decidedly atheist. Say you study metaphysics- you're a hocus pocus nut. Say you study philosophy -well....you're obviously an elite intellectual of some sort!

Once you have a point of reference you can begin to grasp the concept. It is like doing a large jigsaw puzzle with tiny pieces, if you want to solve it you must have a 'first' piece and then see where every other piece comes into the puzzle.

Trying to understand magic is like trying to measure the abstract. I'll use this example, if I were to ask you "Where does the earth begin and where does it end?" What would your answer be? Would it be it starts at the North Pole and ends at the South Pole? The fact is that the earth is a sphere and has no definite point of beginning or end. The terms "North Pole" and "South Pole" are purely symbolic, and that's what terms are in metaphysics –symbolic. You are dealing with concepts and the abstract; they cannot be physically measured just as the first three planes of existence cannot be physically measured. We cannot measure these things because we cannot transcend the physical, or in a lot of cases are yet to transcend the physical.

Personally speaking I find philosophy to be a cheap man made imitation of metaphysics. Magical systems regardless of origin have a divine presence as their point of reference; philosophical beliefs have only the philosopher who expounded that belief. No man will ever be an equal to God and yet these philosophers and their acolytes (largely atheists) see themselves as being such or indeed, even better. Does this remind you of anyone you know?

Astrology, numerology, gematria and ceremony are symbolic acts and measurements of the metaphysical world. Magic is bringing the non visible into view, and creation from the void. Truthfully speaking the magician seeks to be a little god in this world of Assiah; the Satanist seeks to be a little god of this world of Assiah. If people were to believe that the physical plane was the only form of existence, the one or ones who had power over its functions would be powerful, at least to those who believe only in the existence of Assiah. Why do you think atheists are so adamant and fanatical about there being "only this world"? If all things can be measured, then the worth of your existence can be too. I will explain later what these "atheists" are all about, it is not a matter of just "not believing", and these people are truly wicked. A genuine Satanist will hold a degree of spirituality; an atheist does not (if they are to be believed).

And atheism is indeed the creed of Assiah.

As I started to collect more books, the more I practiced and the more I learned. But with being absolutely penniless before I came to realise that there wasn't all that much I really wanted. After all I had a job for money and was still living at home. Although I didn't have the independence that a lot of adults did at my age (27), I was in a way content with the status quo. Well sort of, I didn't feel I had "grown up" completely but wasn't sure what to do about it. Doubt about who and what I was began to overtake me, what expectations were expected of me by my parents, relatives, friends and society in general?

I didn't want to run the standard treadmill of everyone else, in a way I suppose I was just floating through life. It seemed to be the same situation that led me to being a Satanist for the second time but I had dismissed all that as being just something that was once me but no longer. Now I had knowledge of the kabbalah and experience in the way that magic does actually work, I also had an understanding as to the order of things (but nowhere near a complete understanding and I seriously doubt that any human ever will, maybe with the exception of Jesus and the prophets). There was no way I ever was going to return to Satanism or seek out Satan. The last thing I expected was him to seek out me.

But that he did, it happened one night about an hour and a half after I went to bed. Everyone else in the house had gone to bed and was (as far as I know) asleep. I was awoken by a dreadful chilling feeling, it was as though someone had soaked a blanket in iced water and thrown it over me. Even though I was fully covered in bed the freezing chill still covered my body and my hair stood on end. The air was also very cold and was annoying to breathe in, this made me sit up in bed and then I saw him. He was standing at the end of my bed; it's hard to accurately describe him you just had to be there.

He was (in this manifestation) about 7ft tall, mostly a silhouette in appearance with the left half of his face slightly reflecting light. He wore a white crown and seemed to be a two dimensional figure, just like a cardboard cut out. I knew who he was there and then and to be honest I shit myself, the only thing I could think of was that he had come to kill me because I had bailed out on him twice. As I looked at him in disbelief all I could say was "I didn't call you Satan." His response was "My name is not Satan, my title is Adam Satan and it is your doubt that called me." Then came my response; "No. I'm not coming back! I don't want to come back. I believe in Jehovah!"

While I was in a panic mode trying to think up excuses as to why I wouldn't return, (and wondering when Jehovah was going to show up; as I said I was really in a panic mode) I just started calling on Jehovah to do something about this and kept on repeating "I only believe in Jehovah, he is my God" and variations of this as a mantra. Satan turned his back in a counter clockwise motion and disappeared in the darkness. The chill had disappeared and the air ceased being cold. For about the next 45 minutes I sat up in bed too scared to go back to sleep or even lie down, all I did was thank Jehovah for protecting me and keeping me alive.

I lay back down and went to sleep, when I woke the next morning I wondered if what happened had been a dream. Recollecting on what happened I remember hearing things such as possums in the roof and a couple of cars driving past while Satan was there. My father then told me that I was talking in my sleep last night and my stepmother asked me who I was talking to. It wasn't a dream, what happened that night was real.

Actually I never had any real affiliation for Satan (Ha Shatan, the Satan that being Lucifer. I preferred Leviathan, it is like being in a football team in that you may prefer instruction from your captain rather than your coach – but in the end you listen to and obey the coach, what he says goes!)

Still, I kind of wish I didn't freakout like that. If I could have had that night back again I would have liked to talk to him, partly about the things that had happened with me. But also just in general, I would have liked to have a one on one with him just to hear his viewpoint on existence. A chance to converse with a unique animated intellect doesn't come all that often, look at the clowns that pass for intellectuals these days. All up I would compare that experience with being approached by an attractive stranger for sex, if you were not in a place where you would expect it your automatic response would be no. Then as you reflect on it later you wish you hadn't of been so dismissive, not that anything would have likely come from it but you would want to know why you would be special enough for them to approach and offer. I suppose I am hoping that Lucifer will repent and return to Jehovah like the prodigal son; hey I didn't think it was possible for me to ask for forgiveness either. There is always hope.

As I was now better versed in magic I looked at how it could be applied in various aspects of my life rather than the "get rich and party" scheme of things. What about sexual matters? Well this was a subject that made me really consider the rights and wrongs of magic. Depending on the magical system you use, you can use magic to obtain sexual liaisons with whom you wish within reason. I add "within reason" because there are some things that are permitted with magic and some things that despite the best ritual being performed will never happen. Or as the phrase goes "some things are not meant to be". This brings up the subject of "freewill". So what exactly is freewill? Do we truly believe that we and we alone, decide our future? Or are we just fulfilling a destiny that we don't even recognise?

This was the question that I began to comprehend while contemplating the subject of sexual relations. If I were to use magic to get someone into the bedroom would I be fulfilling a part of my destiny? Or would I be denying that person to exercise their freewill? Or would I be interfering in that persons' destiny? The thing you have to realise is that magic alters the "order of things" because there is a flow on effect from these actions. I believe that magic and suicide are not permitted (but not prevented) because of this flow on effect. If there is an order of things this means that all of us are pre-destined to live for a specific function, how and why we achieve that function is not specifically relevant because it will be achieved regardless.

The only things that I know of that could alter a "grand plan" are magic and suicide (throw in murder as well). I once performed a ritual to kill a political leader because I really hated this guy. I put some serious study in it, checked and double checked every aspect; as far as rituals and purpose went it was perfect. As I readied myself to begin the ritual I had a strong feeling of doubt. Not in the application of the ritual, but the result. Something told me that this would not be allowed because that person had a destiny to fulfil and my action would not be permitted. I reasoned that if my ritual was correct in design and application, as well as occult laws (which it was) then it would have to be allowed regardless. Ahead I went, the application was flawless but as I finished a sense of emptiness filled me. It was like being in a football match where your team has the perfect plan, the perfect moves and plays and yet you come up with nothing. It was a hollow feeling of not failure but disappointment.

This experience did put a halt on my studies for a while, but then again every disappointment in something does. Still I asked myself did I actually fail? So I decided to totally ignore magic and occult studies but curiosity brought me back to it about a month later. I started reading through my collection of books once again, not so much as to plan rituals but just to understand the "mechanics" of magic. Things seemed different from before as the more I understood magic the less I wanted to use it. The flip side of this was I became "fairy charmed", this is where you become so engrossed in the study of magic that you lose touch with the outside world. My life had become nothing more than work and study, about four months passed before I shook myself out of it but I had a better understanding of why things are as they are.

It was a Zen type moment when I put myself in Jehovah's shoes (so to speak) and try to view things from that place. Jehovah can change anything, anytime according to his will. He can bring about any order that he wishes, he can force us to love and obey him, so why doesn't he? I then looked at my own position, if I studied more and practiced more then I would be a good magician and would be able to become even better and powerful. I wouldn't have to work for anything, it wouldn't be necessary for me to have to deal with the problems and trials that others do. In fact I could help family and friends get whatever they want without them having to exert themselves outside of their comfort zone. Even if there were struggles in life it wouldn't really matter because the end result was guaranteed. Remember nothing is impossible only improbable and even excepting those few things that would not be permitted by Jehovah a magician could live pretty well on this earth without effort.

So what's the downside? Imagine this, going to a horse race and knowing the results beforehand or indeed knowing everything that was going to happen in your life. The factor of chance would be largely eliminated, no more surprises, no feelings of overcoming adversity; your life is a treadmill. However unless you have strong discipline you are prone to corruption and when things don't go right they tend to go wrong in a very bad way. Everyday when you get out of bed you have an expectation of what will happen that day, is it guaranteed? No. Does Jehovah have your destiny planned for you? I don't know I can't answer that. If he does, then you don't know about it, you might find out at a later stage of life, then again you might not. Everyday people bemoan the state of the world wailing "Why doesn't God do something about it?"

Question is why don't they do something about it? What I find the most amusing is when a bellyacher is asked this question they will almost certainly answer "But what about my job? I gotta work!" (Say it in a cockney accent, it's fucking annoying) In other words it's someone elses problem to fix up because they are too busy serving their own self interest.

That's the problem with society in relation to Jehovah. People only want to look at their own long-term plans (you don't even get that these days, most people don't think much further than their next root or beer) not anybody elses and certainly not Jehovahs'. Jehovah wants a family of individuals; not clones or robots, he doesn't cause our problems - other people do. People do things because they are motivated for a variety of reasons such as love, fear, hate, desperation and so on. Your works are based on your faith; if you seek to do good then you have faith in that which is good otherwise you would not bother. If you seek to do evil then you must have faith in that which is evil otherwise it is not what you seek to do. Your actions reflect your faith and judgment, even if you don't subscribe to a "faith" there is one thing you and everyone else in this world needs and that is balance.

The question that needs to be asked here is "What is good and evil?" I don't think I can adequately explain it to you in full because your circumstances and outlook on all things would not be the same as mine. So I'll try this approach; I would define "good" as positive existence and "evil" as negative existence. Jehovah is neither good nor evil; He is above either concept because he is a balanced entity. This is what we are striving for, the fact that we do so demonstrates that we have a "faith" that allows us to believe that this is possible. Satan on the other hand is an unbalanced entity and that which comes from him (evil) has a negative existence. Remember that Satan cannot create, he can only corrupt that which already exists and use it to his advantage. If he wants to be the title 'creator', he has to reverse the order of things. You cannot turn a positive existence into a negative existence instantaneously, there has to be a point of neutrality in-between regardless of how big or small that point is.

I first went from a secular (atheist) position to Satanism at the age of 12, this was neutral to negative. I then left Satanism but only went to "God" at a later stage (negative to neutral to positive). From there I gave up my "Christian" belief (positive to neutral) and later went back to Satan (neutral to negative). The cycle repeated again as before when I left Satanism (negative to neutral to positive).

Oh, if you are wondering if I ever spoke to God and had him answer by words then yes, it has happened once. It took a week of praying for an answer, the question I asked was "Is it permissible to kill?" So one night after I had prayed and gone to bed I ended up "slipping" into the sephira of Chokmah. You may be asleep physically but are awake on the spiritual level, some people refer to this as "pathworking" (not strictly true, pathworking requires you to make a conscious effort to travel to other realms with an objective in mind and an expected result. I made no effort to travel to Chokmah, it just happened). When you travel to a sephira you know which one it is because of the colour. For example if you travel to Hod, then everything in the placing you are in will be monochromatic with varying tones of orange. In Chokmah it will be tones of grey and that sephira concerns itself with "fatherly type advice". So here I was in the sephira, knelt down before a table with God dealing out three cards on the table like a three card monte. He then picked up one card and asked me what colour it was. I looked at the card; it seemed to be as though it was either a white or black card that had been painted with either white or black and had one colour leeching into the other. I said that I can see white but I can also see black, it is neither colour and yet it is both. I couldn't give a black/white or yes/no answer, he told me that it was the motivation that was either made it permissible or not. You may be wondering how I could see the card simultaneously as being of two colours. You should remember that while you are within the sephira you are there in a spiritual state, you are not bound by physical limitations. As for what does God look like? All I got to see were his lower forearms and hands (they were grey too). You don't get to look at his face, and I didn't look under the table either for that matter. I asked him a direct straight question; he gave me an exercise so I would better appreciate his answer. And that was that.

What is Gods' language? Well it's not a human language; he uses aesthetics to explain things to us. I'll try to explain it this way, you and I could look at a photo and even though we are looking at the same photo we would see it in different ways because of our circumstance, knowledge and experience. A picture is worth a thousand words, but your thousand words and mine would be different and yet it is the same picture. One answer for many questions.

There have been three times in my life when I truly thought I was going to die. One was in a car smash, I could see what was going to happen and just thought to myself before impact "oh well, I'm dead." Another was when I was bitten by a large black furry spider at night. I couldn't identify it for certain but I had to assume it was a funnel web, all I did was light up a smoke as I felt the venom go through my bloodstream. Like a shot of speed that made my heart beat like a machine gun, I just waited to die.

No panic, just a sense of calmness along the lines of "shit happens, what ya going to do?" But in 1997 came something that I gave an answer for regarding life and death. I was out one night with friends when I developed what seemed to be a migraine, but this one was a throbbing one at the base of my skull. Although I should have left the function I was attending I decided that I could tough it out and see it through. The next morning I was up early because of a breakfast function, the headache was still there but was dulled compared to the previous night. While at the function I was standing when I felt a sensation of pins and needles in my feet slowly travel up my legs. I put this down to my headache must be the result of a pinched nerve in my neck, the pins and needles continued to go up to my abdomen and that's when it hit.

I opened my eyes to see that two guys were carrying me out to the street and that water was pouring out of my mouth. My vision then became too hazy to see anything, then one of the guys said "Are you still with me? Just relax...I think you've had a stroke." Then silence and pure blackness, I was unconscious but the thing was that I was aware that I was unconscious. At least to the physical world anyway, but I was aware of the silence and the darkness much like being in a float tank. Now I was in the position of having to make a choice. As I reasoned about the possibilities of the result of any option I took, I also realised that I had my mental faculties. I felt nothing, heard nothing and only 'saw' the blackness, no concept of physical time...where was I?

I looked at it this way, I could either choose to live and face the possibility of being a brain damaged vegetable or I could choose death. Life as a vegetable wasn't life as far as I was concerned so I chose death. I had no input from my five physical senses, was I not for all intents and purposes physically dead? But then again...who was I explaining my choice to? Myself? No, I was telling someone or something to pull the plug on me. I wasn't talking to myself, there was someone else there. "I choose death, cash my chips in...Lord. I don't want to live like this God."

My decision was made, then I noticed I could feel the breeze on my face and hands. I opened my eyes to see the ceiling of an awning; the guys had laid me on a brick wall and were watching me while waiting for the ambulance to come. I sat up and got to my feet and took a couple of steps, when I was told to sit down and wait for the ambulance. The headache was gone and all I felt was a light touch at the base of my skull. I was for all intents and purposes fine, as though nothing really had happened.

The ambulance arrived and what happened next was simply astounding. Two ambulance officers came out; one of them was a man who questioned the guys as to what actually happened to me and assessed the details. The other was a Paris Hilton type bimbo who asked me to tell her what happened. As I was telling her she then stated that "You drink too much."

WTF!? I had half a small glass of beer in a toast, nothing else. The male officer came over and asked me what had happened, I told him and then he said that we should take you to a hospital for a thorough assessment. He obviously knew what happened to me; however the bimbo was the senior and thought it to be unnecessary. She then walked off and got back into the ambulance, the male officer then said that if I had any concerns that I was to go to hospital immediately and that I should see a doctor within two days regardless.

I saw my doctor the next day, he couldn't confirm that I had a stroke from the CAT scans but said a blood clot was the most likely culprit for what happened. Fuck me! I wonder how many people had ended up taking dirtnaps because of that bitch. Thanks a lot Affirmative Action!

But I realised two things from all of this, the first that your intellect is animated and maybe this is what we call the soul and the second is you can only trust in God when it comes to your existence and its state. I don't fear death because I cannot die, as an animation I can only cease to be a physical being.

Atheists will claim that because those who were pronounced dead and then revived had recalled seeing 'nothing' in the time period of their 'death', such as not going to heaven or hell. They will claim that this proves that God doesn't exist, but these people came back to the world of the living and they too were aware of the 'nothingness'. (Maybe they were in the sephira of Ain or Ain Soph – I'll explain later) Whether or not I was 'dead' I don't know, how do you define death? I was disconnected from my five physical senses, well to be more correct my intellectual animation was disconnected from my five physical senses. I don't know how to better describe it, we all find out eventually.

Anyway by now I was now 28 and time came for me to move out on my own again. So for a place to live I was once again living in hotel type accommodation (at a pub actually). It allowed me freedom to use my spare time as I wished and I was hanging out with a bunch of guys who were quite okay. I decided that I wanted to earn that which I had. I didn't want an easy path; it just didn't give me satisfaction. My books for the most part were put away, although I did occasionally flick through them out of a type of curiosity. One of my favourite things to do in a library was to look at the occult books to see how often they were borrowed. I would notice that with the older books that they were borrowed multiple times at first but then the borrowing would eventually slow down to about once a year. The interest in Western tradition occult seemed to be declining and in its place came snake oil sellers in the form of chanellers and half assed wicca sects (The practice of wicca is nothing to do with the druids, it is a cooked up version of thelema mixing in a lot of celtic and medieval paraphernalia. Todays' wicca is about 70 years old.)

From there nothing else really happened, as far as religious beliefs went I was like everyone or so I imagined. That being I believed in Jehovah and that was about it, there was nothing that lured me in an occult sort of way. Neither did I follow any religion nor did I feel the need to be in a continuous state of repentance. On occasion I would talk to people who happened to bring up such matters as part of a conversation, but nothing else. There was no desire on my part to encourage anyone to practice magic, the only thing I told them was that it was an option if so needed and not to take anyone's' word as gospel in such matters. I still say the same thing today, do your own research and understand what is being offered to you. Would do the same thing if you were buying insurance? Are your spiritual matters of a lesser importance? My faith in Jehovah was like a second nature to me, if not indeed a first one. It was just natural, most likely because I understood why I had this faith. With what I've experienced, been in and been through there could be no other alternative for my spiritual belief. Did I become secular during this time? Yes I did; it wasn't something that I sort out to be, it was something that I slowly became. All I did was close the door on my past and just allowed the memories to disappear into the ether.

Although I was floating through life, my world was reasonably happy. I'm 35 at this stage and living in a good area, did the overseas trip thing, have a reasonable job etc. etc. Most of my spare time was filled with my interest in computer and internet matters (like a lot of people I suppose). Then one day I received a phone call telling me that my aunt had a brain haemorrhage and was on life support. Naturally I went to the hospital to find out what was happening and in doing so I met relatives of mine that I hadn't seen for years.

One of my relatives came with Bible in hand and soon enough was asking me whether or not I believed in Jesus. I didn't feel like a theological argument with her because I didn't think it was appropriate. I just took it that she was upset and that her comfort at this time was her faith in Jesus, so to keep the peace I just said yes and left it at that. As I lived not too far away from the hospital I would visit every day just to see what was happening but I knew it wasn't going to have a happy ending. During those visits I bumped into my religious relative on occasion and she started to ask me about my church attendance. Seeing as I wasn't attending one I knew I could only be vague for so long before being found out to be lying. So I picked out one not too far away from my place and said I was going there hoping that would be the end of that.

It was on one occasion at the hospital when the issue of having a priest coming over to give a bedside prayer service came up. I had no objection to it but was then asked if I could arrange it. As I didn't know what the protocol was for such a thing, (nor did I know any clergy) I asked some of the nursing staff if they had any ideas. One nurse gave me the phone number of a Reverend who did these types of visits, so I made a call only to find out he was in another state at the time. I went back to the hospital and told the relatives there that I couldn't arrange for someone to come over and that if someone knew a member of the clergy that they should organise this.

Out of nowhere came this "NO!" Huh? What do you mean no? "There is not going to be a visit by any religious people" came the reply. To me it was neither here or there, after all I was only trying to accommodate a request and it didn't really make that much of a difference as far as I was concerned. Maybe this relative knew something about my aunt that I didn't, anyway it wasn't me that was pushing the issue so I just left it at that.

To make a long story short my aunt died, there was the funeral and a little bit of a sermon where the religious relative told me that all the dead members of our family were reunited with Jesus. I went along with it and just saw her belief as a way of coping. After the funeral I thought that like every other family that goes through this that we all would eventually just return to our normal (though slightly altered) lives.

About a week later I got a phone call from the religious relative asking how I was. Me? I was fine, life had returned to normal and that was that. Then the issue of religion came up including how my church attendance as well as my faith in Jesus was. "Yep, everything's good." I replied thinking that would be the end of that subject. The last thing I expected was to be asked the name of the Reverend of that church, but that I was asked. Somehow I managed to cook up an answer of that the Reverend was filling in at another church and that a lay preacher was running the services. I also added that no-one knew if he was coming back or not. If that question wasn't tough enough, the next one was worse. "What time do they have the service and when are we going to arrange to attend together?" I simply said that the service time was being reviewed and that she should call me beforehand to make sure I would be there. I ended the conversation there, and started to get a sense of anger I didn't want. Was I being checked up on? So far I was only acting this part to keep the peace, my tolerance was wearing thin.

After cooling down a bit and giving it some thought I decided to go to one of the services of "my" church. If I was going to play this role then it was necessary to have first hand experience on my "faith" In addition if I was ever called up about the church by my religious relative at least I could answer honestly. To me it was about investing an hour and a bit on a Sunday in order to maintain good relations within the family. Problem was that I wasn't part of any church; once again I picked a church that I just happened to know about. I picked Scots Presbyterian church at Wynyard because it was near a bus stop that I used to travel between work and home, I had also assumed that it was Scottish in background (correct) and so I thought I would be able to relate to it.

Anyway I went to a service, it was nice enough and the parishioners were friendly. I grabbed a newsletter from the church with all the relevant information on it, left and thought nothing more about it. A couple of weeks later I had nothing to do on a Sunday morning and decided to go to another service at the church, actually the service was okay and there was a little period of chit-chat among the parishioners after the service. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday morning really. Even though I was still getting phone calls from the religious relative I was soon attending the church services of my own accord.

The sermon and prayer mix was balanced; the company of the parishioners was rather enjoyable (although there a couple there who I think were just making their citizenship applications look good). I went there for about three months but then a work colleague decided to take his holiday leave and I was the only one readily available to fill in for him. It didn't seem that big a deal to me, after all he was going for a month and with his shift times I figured that I would only miss maybe one or two services. The month passed and I had only missed two services, no big deal. Then my supervisor came to see me and said my colleague wanted to go to Germany and wanted to extend his vacation by five weeks. He said he didn't have a problem with it but I was the only one who could cover for him. Unless I agreed he wouldn't extend the colleagues' vacation, well what could I say? If he was over there in Europe already I wasn't going to demand he return because I didn't want to work on Sundays.

Five weeks became eight weeks, and with working six days a week I soon abandoned church. I just wasn't able to do it, and when things did get back to normal something else came up. Although you may have heard about gout, it isn't until you experience it that you truly understand how painful it is. Scratch another three weeks as I spent most of that time in bed with a pillow under my knee. Now it had been three months since my last attendance, the habit was broken although reluctantly. It was never my intention for this to happen, but it had. At this time I started reading the Koran, to be honest I never really considered myself a Christian – ever.

Don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with the Gospel, its okay as far as I'm concerned. I just cannot subscribe to this belief that Jesus is the only personification of God; did Jesus say that he created the earth in six days and rested on the seventh? No, so why do some Christians insist that he did? I also cannot subscribe to the trinity either. If you were to ask me what my belief is, then the only answer I could honestly give you is a monotheist who believes that the God of Abraham is the only God that ever has been or will be. The Old Testament, New Testament and Koran are all okay by me.

Did it irk me with the "Father, Son and Holy Ghost" thing in the church? Well not enough to stop me from going and I don't think everyone actually subscribes to it. When there was prayer I prayed to the Father, that being Jehovah.

A few months later I was taking a walk around my area on a Sunday afternoon and happened to come across a church. I was reading the notice board out the front and saw that they had an evening service, as I had nothing else to do that day I decided to attend. After all it was just a run of the mill Anglican church and most probably only provided a simple service, which was fine by me as I was just going there as a "time out" to reflect. It was just something I wanted to do as I had more or less got caught up in the nightclub/party circuit once again. Good times can overcloud bad memories so I thought I needed a 'grounding' to get a proper perspective on life, existence etc.

Anyway I went at the advertised time and saw a few people out the front; they just seemed like average people so I went inside. What I saw inside didn't reflect what I had seen outside, the church was full of yuppies all dressed like they were going to a businessmens' weekend barbeque. Throw in the fact that their kids all looked like they were modelling clothes for K-Mart and I was in a situation where I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe. As everyone was making their way to the pews some guy came up to me and asked me if I was new. Yes I was, to which he replied "Oh well just take a seat here" and motioned to an empty pew.

Fine whatever, as I was waiting for the service to commence a jailbait type girl approached with some guy in hand. "This is (I forgot his name), you two would be good together" What? What's this about? Then came this "Hiiiiiiiiiiiii!" from that guy. That guy was as camp as a row of tents and I was wondering what the hell I had walked into. At the front of the church there was a stage with musical instruments set up as well as an overhead screen display. When the minister came to the front looking like he had just come from a hair salon, it was definitely cringe time.

"Today I'd like to talk to you about the spirit of giving!" For a moment I just sat there stunned that straight off the bat that this guy was asking for money. He then went on to explain how EFTPOS facilities were available and that he took cheques as well. In addition he said that a 10% tithe on our wages "should be about right" for the needs of the church. Now I understand that money is needed for the functioning of a church, not a problem there. It was the manner in which he asked that I didn't like, no joke it was just like a comedy movie about those crooked televangelists. The rest of the service consisted of chit-chat (such as a member of the congregation being unmarried and pregnant to another member of the congregation. "But we shouldn't be judgmental about it." Then why the fuck mention it?) and gospel "rock" songs; it was not like the other church I attended before.

What struck me the most out of all of this was never at any stage did the minister ask us to pray. What sort of church service doesn't have prayer? Finally the "service" ended so I just made my way out, someone told me about a sausage sizzle being held in the church grounds. Taking a look it seemed that the parishioners were dressed for the occasion, it was more or less like a businessmens barbeque. Even though I was hungry I just walked off and went home, the whole setup was too cheesy for me to tolerate. That church seemed to be a social club with an entrance fee rather than a temple of Christ.

If you think that's an example of a crap church I've got one even better. It was on an Easter Sunday that I was in the vicinity of a church and saw that they too were having an evening service. As it was going to commence in twenty minutes I just decided to hang around out the front. I got bored after ten minutes so I went inside to wait, virtually no-one there but I just assumed they (the congregation) were late arrivers. A couple of the parishioners were talking and one said "There were 128 here this morning." I was wondering if he had been to the morning service, if so why was he back here? Then I wondered; how did he know the exact numbers that were here? I thought it a bit unusual that a parishioner would bother to count everyone that attended.

He looked and spoke like a bum with a nasty attitude, as it turns out it was a case of people looking as they are. The service started with the minister, the ministers' wife, the organist, the bum and four parishioners including myself. After an insincere greeting, the minister started of with a hymn recital which we were all rushed through. Then using an overhead projector he rushed us through three songs to such a speed that the female organist couldn't keep up the tempo. When she miscued (I doubt any organist would have been able to play that quick) the minister would look over at her and grit his teeth in an angry manner. As this arsehole was rushing us through the songs he was waving a drumstick like a pirate having a sword fight. In the end I didn't bother to sing anymore. I just couldn't keep up.

When we finally finished our rushed singing and sat down, the minister gave us a rather bland talking to about the spirit of Easter and then started reading verses from the Bible that were out of context to each other. He quite clearly did not want to be there and it could not be more obvious. Then came the collection, and then I knew why the bum was there and how he knew the numbers. I was sitting at the end of a pew, so it was rather simple for him to open the money bag and shove it in front of my face. Apart from the organist (who got chipped a couple of times by the minister in-between songs) the entire service was despicable. I should have just walked off, but I was kind of hoping for it to improve. So I put ten bucks in the bag, the bum then looked in the bag to see what I had given. Unbelievably he then gritted and bared his teeth to me and hissed some sort of remark and moved on. When he finished his collection, he went to the minister with the bag.

Then they both looked into the bag while whispering to each other, the bum motioned with his head in my direction and then the minister looked over at me. After some more hissing, the minister then said the service was concluded and opened the door of the church and stood by waiting for us to leave. As the church door only allowed a single file exit and the minister was talking to someone, a little queue had formed. The bum came from behind me and barged past mumbling something which I took to be an insult. Did this guy want to turn it on?

Although I was taken aback by this possibility, within seconds I decided I was going to smash the shit out of this contemptuous little bastard because he utterly deserved it. I left the church and waited around the grounds for a few minutes, but there was no sign of him. I then went to the street entrance to the grounds, figuring that he would have to come through sooner or later. From the street entrance I could see the church entrance and waited for him to come out, he did then ten seconds later went back inside. I don't know if he saw me, but he might have guessed what I was hanging around for if he did. I went back to the front of the church as it looked like the minister was locking it up and about to leave. The minister then came up to me and asked "what was I doing?" I said I was having a cigarette and getting ready for a long walk home. Behind him I could see the bum make his way into the car park and disappear from view; the minister then said with a great big insincere smile on his face "Maybe we'll see you next week" and then walked off with the bag of money.

It would be four and a half years before I set foot in a church again. You might have the idea that these were churches in "lowbrow" areas; actually they were in upper middle class suburbs- a conman's dream. I have heard stories about ministers in poor areas driving the congregations of the church into the ground in order to be transferred to a wealthier area to "handle donations." To me these scumbags are just as evil as those who openly worship Satan, probably even worse. But then again if I had infiltrated the church as I once intended to do would I have been any different?

I more or less washed my hands of the church after that. The church seemed to be something that I could not relate to in any way whatsoever. It was (and still is) seemingly devoid of any spirituality of any sort. For something that is supposed to espouse the teachings of Jesus, it is now a business that uses Jesus as an image and figurehead (much like the clown for McDonalds) to serve the vested interests of those running it. That is not to say that all churches are bad setups, there are some who keep to the Gospel. The good churches practice the religion of Jesus instead of a religion about Jesus, they also stick to the "Give Caesar what is due Caesar and give God what is due God" as said by Jesus. Unfortunately these churches are few and far between.

## Chapter 4

## Let's continue on...(beginning of 2005)

One of my favourite pastimes was to go into "bargain basement" bookstores to see what was on offer. During one of these ventures I came across a book about voodoo. I can't say that I ever was interested in practicing it, to me it seemed too chaotic but then again I had never studied it in proper. There was one guy who I came across during my Satanist days who said he practiced voodoo, or at least that's what he told me. I was never invited to a ritual by him so I couldn't give an assessment as to his practices. There is the possibility that he might have been a bullshit artist, but he had shown me paraphernalia to do with voodoo and I encountered some strange things when visiting his place (I remember once visiting him and his share mate, there was calypso type music throughout the place but it seemed to have no source. There was also a punch bowl full of rum and orange juice and no matter how much we drank the level never went down). It was more or less a case of that he had his own thing going and I had mine. The last I heard about him was that he became a bum on the street in the same manner I did. I've read a couple of testimonies on the web from ex-voodoo/juju magicians; eerily what happened to them when they walked away from it mirrored what happened to me.

The book was only a couple of dollars so I got it, took it home, and began to read. The book was in a straight forward format and I could understand the principles behind it, if you understand the structure of kabbalah you can adjust to voodoo. However much like an alcoholic who smells an open whiskey bottle, or an opium addict reliving a blissful stupor my addiction became reawakened. I could feel myself becoming enchanted by this new found understanding of what once seemed to be an alien form of magic. Previously I had read a book by Isaiah Oke called "Blood Secrets" and his experiences with juju, at the time it seemed both shocking and fascinating. But then again it was the shock factor that drew me into Satanism to a great extent. The more I studied about voodoo, the more I became interested in juju; this is the father of voodoo.

Voodoo and juju are considered to be low magic; it is basically sorcery of a ceremonial type. Kabbalah on the other hand is high magic; it has an empirical system in which its rituals can be mathematically calculated. Mathematics is impersonal, ceremony is not. When taking an interest in either voodoo or juju you take a personal interest in the loas/orishas or "gods' involved. They in return take a personal interest in you, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing. For the time being I'll use the term voodoo so as to avoid confusion but to explain it simply, voodoo is a "softer" version of juju. Voodoo does some strange things to you, even as someone like myself did not consider the loas to be worthy of worship, but maybe a begrudging respect. My faith in Jehovah kept me in check, when it came down to the crunch I was never going to jump ship again.

Still I have to confess that voodoo has a seductive quality about it. You view the world in terms of animation, you feel as though you are the only thing on this earth that is truly alive. Everything other life form on this earth and especially people seem to be robotic, that is why voodoo practitioners (especially priests or 'mambos') tend to be callous. You feel divine; it gives you a second skin much like a drug addict on a high. There can be no low point as long as you're high and the loas are closer to us as entities than angels and demons (or at least I found).

A common belief is that a lot of the loas were once humans themselves and their practice of magic allowed them to "transcend" (in an entity sense), from being human after death. I never bothered to check it out any further so I can't give a definite answer to this. Voodoo has the same good/evil partition between spirits, there are the "hot" spirits which are malevolent and the "cool" ones that are benevolent. But as with any addiction to maintain the high you have to increase the dose. I think that practicing magic is the same as doing drugs, but this type of addiction had to be paid for with blood sacrifice in order to maintain the feeling. I just wasn't willing to do that, nor did I ever as a Satanist. I confess I am an animal lover, so I avoided being in a position of doing those sorts of things.

However if push came to shove in regards to my Satanism then yes I would have and if I had no faith in Jehovah and did decide to adopt voodoo I would have quite willingly done so. One thing I did do was to do the library scrounge like I did while a Satanist, I took down notes on descriptions of voodoo and related magical practices. I then used some math/gematria etc. so as to see if I could make it more "solid and sound". Yes it was the wrong thing to do but I did find and think I made it more efficient. It was the intellectual stimulation that drove me to do it, the challenge was worthy. Anyway I had spent some hours doing this one day and became tired and took a nap.

The nap became a deep sleep and when I woke up I went to the toilet and looked in the mirror, what I saw stunned me. My eyes had turned hazel and were like those of a leopard, the skin on my face was drawn back and it did seem I had the face of a leopard. My straight hair became wirery, my eye teeth seemed like fangs and as I was holding onto the basin I looked at my hands which were seemingly turning into claws. I use the word seemingly because I didn't know what the fuck was happening to me, all I could do was stare into the mirror somewhat horrified. I went back to my bed and sat there wondering if this look was permanent and what was I going to do about it. It was about 15 minutes later that I went back to the mirror and found everything went back to normal apart from my hair looking a bit on the birds nest side. I decided to drop any interest in voodoo completely; not wanted and not needed! As I said, voodoo does strange things to you.

That was in 2005 and I haven't performed a ritual (well...not of a non-Kabbalah type) or had a fling with some sort of occult type religion since. Towards the end of 2009 I attended a Christian Science church; it was a church I walked past every night for three years. They hold testimony meetings every Wednesday night, seeing how I had just quit my job and had nights free I decided to go and see what was happening. What got my attention was that they openly talked about metaphysics, something I had never come across in a church before. People gave testimony as to how their faith in God improved their lives, they testified how their life was and the difference God made. Certainly it was worth going there to hear, we don't get good news stories on TV anymore or rarely do anyway.

Nope, all we get now is how some dropkick found a bone in Africa which "proves" evolution and that God doesn't exist and other meandering garbage like that. It was a real eye opener compared with the "just believe in Jesus and give us your money" mantra a lot of churches pitch. I decided to be upfront with them about my history; it isn't as though I drag it around for all to see. It has only been since from about mid 2009 that I decided I needed to air my dirty laundry; it has only been because of the "atheist intellectuals" having a pied piper effect on the young. Now I look at todays' atheist "stars" and can only repeat that I recognise in them that which I once was.

Having come out into the open, initially to "Christian friends and associates" the ugly fact is most of them basically disowned me. All I did was offer to them to share my experience on the matter and tell them what to look out for regarding these gurus of bullshit. It seemed for as much as they would condemn Satan and those who they deemed to be his followers; they equally as much didn't believe in his existence. Or if they didn't know what to believe regarding these sorts of subjects, it is likely that their church has no position on them or even believes they exist.

I have to say that I've met some great people at that Christian Science church who have shown me how to have an honest relationship with God. That was something I never really got around to. As I was a dyed in the wool rulebreaker and bad guy in relation to magic, the idea of using magic to help others in a benevolent way just didn't seem to be something that was in my nature. I figured myself as the bad guy fighting for the good cause, it's easier to be malevolent than loving. Though since I've tried to be of the benevolent loving type I would say that some perspectives on my life and of other things have changed somewhat. I'm thankful that God was and is so merciful and patient, if he wasn't I wouldn't be here. If I was him I'd probably would have killed me. Do I still feel that I'm on parole? No. Am I still on parole? I don't know, ...maybe?

Do I talk to God? Yes I do and I do so as a person, as a unique individual that God has meant me to be. You are all unique and God wants you to display your uniqueness in your relationship with him. Not as in limiting your communication with him as a pack of parrots in a church repeating hymns with no understanding of what the lyrics mean or represent.

The reason I've told you about my life is that hopefully you will see why I've decided to write this book. I don't assume you know everything, also I don't assume you know nothing. You in fact may know more than me, if you do please tell the world. I feel compelled to write this book because the snake oil sellers have found a void in the spiritual aspect of society, and in fact they are the ones who created it. They simply call themselves "atheists" or as they are sometimes pointed out to be by other believers such as myself (and hopefully you) - "anti-theists."

Hopefully I can explain to you how and why things come about; my hope is for you to see these so-called "intellectual" atheists for the frauds that they are. In common terms an "atheist" should be just a person who doesn't believe in the existence of God (or any "gods" for that matter). However we have "anti-theists" (one of many terms) who are claiming to be an average Joe atheist, believe me they are not. Take it from someone who donned the armour twice for Satan, some of these people are just plain fucking wicked but the majority are just plain fucking stupid (and willingly stupid at that).

This world does not have to function as a prison, if it wasn't for Satan, his minions as well as his mortal stooges among us we could truly be creative. Instead we have our time wasted by the selfish and arrogant who try to order our thoughts and our lives from cradle to grave. Everyday there is some do gooder windbag bellyaching about something, from the ridiculous to the disgusting.

I'm writing this from the perspective of a white man living in Australia; your situation may be different. What I see is a population that has grown apathetic to its' own demise because of a herd mentality in which people believe they are stupid and not worthy of expressing their opinion because they have been told so by the 'intellectuals' of their society. From where did this all start and why? We no longer have debates based on facts and reason but purely on emotion. The "elite" portions of our societies such as the arts, science, philosophy and the academic world are absolutely infiltrated by atheists. Why is it that their opinion is considered infallible and that of everyone else is considered ignorant? It runs along the lines of "well if it was on television it must be true". Today our society accepts the media as the arbiter of truth and this allows any moron to preach their lies as gospel. No longer do we get information from the media, only pay per view propaganda which is being used to belittle our intellectual abilities and convince us we are dumb.

We no longer have community leaders of good faith or balance, instead we have celebrity politicians who idolise themselves and think they are rock stars. Ours is a world where power is of more importance than righteousness, where the intensity of an argument is more important than its content. Where words and terms are constantly redefined to ensure an end result, which shall be deemed to be true even if it is blatantly false. Good is now bad, black is now white, 1+1=25, a cat has four legs and a tail so anything that has four legs and a tail is a cat. Professors peddle the ranting of nutjob philosophers which everyone accepts to be true because the professor was on television.

This is a day and age where serial killers and career criminals become "mainstream" if they are good enough at what they do. There are no objective moral stances to be had because money is now the new principle; "anything for a dollar" is the new mantra regardless of what one does in order to get it. This moral bankruptcy has led everybody into a nihilist "groupthink" or otherwise known as "collective thought". The diminishing of the individual intellect has led to the diminishing of individual responsibility. It seems that everyone is amoral with their sense of right and wrong being relative to their personal desires. The truth has become subjective with "what's true for you is true for you, and what's true for me is true for me". Pleasure is now the highest goal attainable for the herd regardless of what it involves. As for the elite it is power and money with all that it can buy or steal. Welcome to the age of hedonism.

Again you may ask yourself "From where did this all start and why?" Well people like me bear a lot of that responsibility and indeed you should hold us to account. I may not know everything, but I will tell you everything that I know. So bear with me as I continue to try to explain what I've learned and how I came to learn it.

## Chapter 5

I might be repeating myself on some aspects but I want to remove any ambiguity on things that I have so far stated.

First I wish to state that Satanism is the term to describe the religion (or ideology if you wish) of rebellion against the order of things as established by the God of Abraham, that being Jehovah. Satan is a title, not a name. Actually the proper title is "Adam Satan" meaning 'the adversary of man'. The current Satan (leader of the opposition) is Lucifer and he will most probably be until the end. Satanism is basically an "opposition" movement to the "monarchy of the current God" (Jehovah/Allah/Holy Father); simply put all adherents of Satanism believe it is time for the "new order" and that Lucifer should be the "new god". God is also a title -not a name, much like your mother has a proper name and yet she is a "mum".

Satanism is polytheistic rather than monotheistic; you can choose to worship Satan/Lucifer only if you wish which would make you strictly monotheistic. Or you can worship other demons in addition to the Satan, however you must give first adoration to the Satan and then to the others. It does depend on the order of demons; yes just like there is an order and hierarchy of angels there is also of demons. Demons are really just fallen angels and Satanism is just really an inverted Abrahamic faith. Yes you can also include various pagan "deities" (I won't call them gods seeing as they do not have the ability to create) but as I just mentioned the first adoration is given to the Satan. In theory there is nothing stopping you from being "the Satan", you are entitled to a shot at the title like anyone else - however your chances are pretty much zero.

So how does Satan and his "faithful army" plan to conquer and rule existence? Where do I begin that answer? First I have to say that it can either go one of two ways. The first way to go about it would be the conquest of the physical realm (Assiah) which is certainly possible. When I refer to the physical realm it is not just this known universe that I'm referring to. Just like you've heard about the seventh heaven, you should know that there are seven earths (apparently we are the last creation).

Unless you can master the universe in its entirety and gain a popular following in all the dimensions where animate beings may reside, you will not be in a position to take on Lucifer (let alone Jehovah). Did I contemplate such a shot? I only thought about it once and then only as a hypothetical. Remember the proper title is Adam Satan, which means you must have the ability to transcend from being a physically bound mortal (as we understand the physical) to the unknown planes of existence in the world of Assiah at will. In other words you can no longer just remain "a man".

An often spoken quote is "cleanliness is next to Godliness" and while traditional Satanism may be a type of inverted Christianity, it doesn't mean you have a blank cheque to be a pig. Remember the true purpose and aim of Satanism is merely to replace Jehovah with the Satan as God. There is nothing written about scrapping all existence and starting from scratch, it is just a matter of who runs the show. So if you are of the idea that in order to be a Satanist you must throw away the concept of personal hygiene then you are sadly mistaken. It is just like any other religion in that you make an effort to be clean and respectful in appearance before you go to a church, mosque etc. Satanism isn't for slobs, if you were to go to a place for a ritual with six months worth of pizza down the front of your shirt and dirty matted hair at best you would be barred from attending and participating. Depending on how offensive and disrespectful you are it might cost you a trip to the hospital; if you are practicing solo it might be worse. Demons demand cleanliness and respect when being called upon, much like Angels.

Blood sacrifices of any sort aren't actually necessary, at least not in order to perform magic. I have heard and read of demons demanding sacrifices in order to gain their favour; again I say it is not necessary. It was never demanded of me; although I was loyal to the Satan my affiliation was with Leviathan. There was nothing to indicate to me that blood sacrifices were absolutely necessary in order to maintain that loyalty. The Demons that I was told who demanded blood sacrifices were the ones at the bottom end of the food chain. Although doing such things are a show of dedication, it does not actually enhance your magical abilities. In fact I will openly say don't do such things if you are a Satanist, for there is a hierarchy and if you sacrifice for one demon before doing so for Satan you will have disrespected the entire hierarchy. You will lose whatever favour you have with Satan and in addition other demons will expect sacrifices from you as well. In other words you will be the same as a punk in a prison system and no-one will serve a punk if he only gives what everyone else has received. Signing up to Satanism is the same as joining up to a criminal gang, you work with the other gang members in order to serve the boss first and then you gain for yourself along the way. You don't serve the other members before the boss. In fact you don't serve them at all.

Sometimes when I hear of bombings in churches, mosques, synagogues and the like I can't help but wonder who the bombers really serve. Whether it be a ritual beheading or a truck full of TNT, if such murders were done in order to prove loyalty to the Satan then both would be accepted as being of equal value.

As with joining any criminal gang you might have to perform a criminal act to prove your loyalty. So is a blood sacrifice necessary to ensure esoteric success for a coven, gang or whatever name you want to call a group of Satanists? Esoterically? No, but from a legal stand point it is a form of insurance. If you were to leave the group or abandon Satanism and decide to inform police about criminal activity committed by members you would have to do so with bloodied hands. In order to get indemnity from being prosecuted you would have to confess and list all criminal acts that you directly participated in, or were accessory to before and after the act. Let's say you give information to the police that leads to me being arrested and during the course of investigation you have received immunity from prosecution. Of course I'm going to say I'm not guilty and I would also say that you owe me a large amount of money and you have set this up to avoid paying it back. Any half decent defence lawyer will drag up your indemnity deal and point out to the jury that you have an intimate knowledge of the crimes (of which there may or may not be any corroborating evidence), that you owe me a large amount of money (completely false but impossible to disprove). And that as a Satanist you have no morals so to cook up a scam like this is just a second nature for you (you may have renounced Satan altogether but would a jury believe you?). Your legal testimony becomes pretty worthless pretty quick.

Do Satanists especially hate Jesus? I'd have to say no, they do not regard Jesus as God (neither do I for that matter. I believe only Jehovah is God). They do see the Christian church as an enemy because of the belief in God the Father, not God the Son and the Holy Spirit doesn't get much of a mention either. Jesus is no more hated than Moses or Mohammed; they did not create heaven, hell, earth or existence in general. They may be hated for providing a means and way for people to follow the will of God, but that's about it. They are not on earth anymore, so in the current scheme of things they are not really relevant but their message and teachings are. This is what is opposed by Satanists because it leads people to God and provides a path to redemption and away from Satan. Anyway why bother to hate them when there are always atheists around ready to do that for you? Same applies for non-Abrahamic religions, once the esoteric practices are copied and repackaged by Satanists then the atheists will be free to do what they want.

This brings me to the issue of non-Christian religions and sects such as Islam, Hinduism, etc. As the world gets smaller in regards to movement of its populations, so does the impact of race, culture and religion. Atheists have taken aim at Islam and Hinduism in recent times because of their growth in the Western world and the morals that are adhered to by its faithful. I was never bothered by Hinduism, probably because I knew little about it. Islam however did come under the spotlight of Satanists some 20 years ago, maybe in part due to the first Gulf War but also because of the fact that the God of Islam is the God of Abraham. Indeed there were Satanic rituals I participated in where the Suras of the Koran were read backwards, although as a Satanist I was concerned about the impact of this brand of faith in Australia and the world in general it was not a pressing issue with me or any Satanists I knew. As talk increased among the Satanist grapevine we decided to use divination to ask for advice from the realm of Satan (runes were the preferred choice and accurate). The answer we received was that we could try but we were not strong enough to fight Islam, the time to do such things would come later. Again the war against the religion of Islam is being taken up by the atheists for various reasons; Satanists don't have to lift a finger.

Do theistic Satanists have an affiliation with atheists? Absolutely not! Truth is that theistic Satanists hate and despise atheists, even non-theistic "Satanists" are hated. They are seen as atheists who make a parody of Satan and use him as an excuse to justify their bad behaviour to themselves. Theistic Satanists hate atheists just as much as any theistic Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, etc. When I was a Satanist I only tolerated them on the basis that "the enemy of my enemy is a friend." Atheism was just a means to an end and nothing else and atheists are disposable. I personally found them to be rude, obnoxious, arrogant and disrespectful and by and large I still do.

Do I believe that all atheists are indeed "atheist"? I've pondered this on many occasion, this is because some of them kept association with us. Yet they would proclaim God doesn't exist and yet hate him with such fanaticism they would make us look pale in comparison. The only answers I could come up with is either they want a shot at the title of Adam Satan (yeah good luck with that you punks), or they believe in some sort of alien ancestry for human beings. After all they use "science" as an explanation for all existence, so I suppose you can throw aliens in with it to make it interesting for geeks. Yet I do have to add that a fringe group of Luciferians do actually believe that Jehovah, Lucifer, and all the angels are indeed aliens. Science fiction has a lot to answer for. So what are so called "Luciferians?" I always believed that they were strict Satanic monotheists who worshipped Lucifer and no one else. But as various sorts of psycho babble and other quackery has made its way into the sphere of religion, it has been a case of having beliefs and terms redefined to suit a certain agenda. This is much in the way Marxist type dialectic has changed the meaning of words as to their application in societal matters. These days Luciferianism can mean anything to anyone, as I understand it those who now call themselves Luciferian are more or less new age hippy types. You might find this in the attempt by atheists (including the non-theistic "Satanist" ones) to hijack Pantheism and redefine it to complement Gaia worship. Apart from that, most Luciferians are just plain crackers.

One thing I have noticed is the mixture of Satanism and Nazism that is being pushed as a white supremacist ideology of sorts. This is contradictory; this is the sort of thing that would be offered up by someone who hasn't experienced both. Yes I have been involved in both, but not simultaneously. There is no colour bar in Satanism; a black Satanist is of equal value as a white one. Although when I was a Satanist most of the people I associated with were white, there were non-whites as well. The ethnic mix roughly corresponded with the area from which the people I knew came from. So for example if I looked at where the guys lived, gave them a 1km radius from their house as an "area" and then joined the dots to make a cohesive single area then the ethnic mix in the guys I knew would be consistent with the general population of that single area.

If someone was in service to Satan, then as far as I (and other Satanists) was concerned he was a brother. Adherence to the creed was much more important than the colour of skin. In theory it should be the same for all religions, I suppose we were just like the Jews and indeed Muslims in that we cared not for our racial origins but rather our spiritual state.

I have seen a website called "The Joy of Satan" which uses the Yezidi book "Al Jilwah" as the holy book of their version of Satanism. The flipside being that the same people who operate that site are also the same people involved with the National Socialist Movement (aka NSM based in the U.S.). I don't know much about Yezidis except that they practice a religion which views Satan in a much more positive light than anyone else. Racially speaking the practitioners of Yezidism are mostly Arab along with some Kurds, they reside largely in northern Iraq. Doesn't it seem contradictory to you that a white supremacist group sees Arabs as their fellow whites or brethren of some sort? So to what do these people owe their ultimate allegiance? From what I understand the Joy of Satan adherents haven't changed since they started but the NSM have lowered their colour bar. Point being that spiritual belief will usually prevail over physical differences.

Now there is a sect of Satanism emerging that combines the beliefs of the Yezidi along with the religious beliefs of Sumeria concerning the Annunaki (those who were cast to Earth) and the Igigi (those of the Heavens). When you look at Satanism, it seems to have taken beliefs, creeds, mythologies and other paraphernalia from a heap of people who were never covered by any of the Abrahamic faiths in the beginning. So why does todays' Satanism take in everything from medieval witchcraft to ancient Sumerian beliefs, creeds and occult practices? Partly due to incorporation of the various racial groups that adhere to the Abrahamic faiths, but mostly because Satanism has to. Satanism was established on a flawed premise by Satan, for humans to try and build upon that flawed premise will always lead to failure.

Satanism cannot and will not ever ring true; the practices that it steals, corrupts and incorporates into it are just like bits of sticky tape being used to hold something together when it is obvious that something else is needed if something is needed to make an actual repair. Thing is you cannot repair something that was manufactured faulty; it is the same thing as using sticky tape to hold together a broken teapot and expecting it to be used in the same manner as a properly made one.

So should you be worried over forms of Satanism that have been added to, subtracted from and re-invented 25 times over? In itself as a spiritual creed? Actually no. What you should be worried about is when it stops being a spiritual creed and starts becoming a political ideology and a form of government. Impossible you say? Well when you look at what was and wasn't allowed or ignored by governments and communities in the 1950s or even 60s and compare it to now are you so sure? Why not? There is always some Gen Y dropkick who thinks she's young enough to know everything who believes the "whitebread racist crackers" should learn to be progressive (like wow dude...global warming man! The earths gonna catch on fire! It's true! I saw it on TV and read it on a twitter!).

I suppose I should tell you about my "Nazism". Actually I never was a Nazi as I never subscribed to the ideology of the Nazi party. It is a name imposed on me and countless others by people who claim to be "progressive". Yes I admit that I'm something of an old fashioned guy, probably someone who belongs in the 1950s as well as being somewhat conservative. But today that is enough for you to be labelled racist and a climate change denier, maybe you should look at the origin of the word "racist" and look into the "Frankfurt School" while you're at it. So I never was a Nazi, the word has just been redefined as a label for anyone who opposes "progress" which itself can mean anything to anyone at any given time. "Progress" -just another description of groupthink, another catchcry for people who think in slogans and argue on emotion instead of reason and rationality. Anyway I'll tell you about what I've learned from "white power" types and give you an insight later on.

Are there large satanic societies filled with the mega rich, celebrities and politicians? I've never come across or heard of such groups. Certainly not in Australia when I was practicing, all I heard about was some small self styled groups and eclectic mixes of pagans (one of them went by the name of "Temple of Hecate" but I'm unsure of the specifics as I never had anything to do with them) as well as Gnostics (proper ones not the new age ones) who got together to try things out. I just never saw any evidence of the sort of things that you see in the movies or the stuff conspiracy whackjobs go on about.

But I will add this story from my Satanist days. I was talking to one of the guys at the Villawood hangout one afternoon and I asked him if he knew any groups that were doing rituals, at the time I just wanted to participate with others of my faith. Yes I dare say that I needed to be with others like me and yes Satanists get lonely too. This guy told me of a few people who get together in Rookwood Cemetery sometimes on a Thursday night, he said he had been to one of these hookups but it wasn't his thing. I wondered if the guys I knew from primary school were involved in that group as I knew one of them had moved to Flemington (suburb next to Rookwood). As to why he had moved there? Well that I don't know but I could guess.

After getting some basic directions on where to go in the cemetery and a time to be there I waited until the following Thursday with eager anticipation. There was no guarantee that anything had been arranged for that night but I went anyway. I arrived at 8.30 pm and not knowing what to do I just stood around on the corner at the Lidcombe end on the corner of East Street and Railway looking for any activity. After seeing nothing happening I then decided to enter the cemetery by climbing the fence on the north side and made my way towards where the goods rail line is. After wandering aimlessly for about an hour and seeing nothing or no-one and somewhat lost I decided to give up and leave. Following the goods line led me back to the fence on the north side; it was just a matter of climbing it and walking back to Lidcombe station. A couple of times I wondered if I was going to be stuck in the cemetery overnight, it wasn't something that I wanted to do. Not because of the occasional nutjob you might come across, it was because of the feral dogs that were known to live there.

A few days later I was at the Villawood shops when I came across the guy who told me about it. After telling him what I had done and how nothing happened, he told me he would ask around to see what was happening and told me he would be at the shops on Saturday afternoon if I wanted to ask him. So on the Saturday I went to Villawood and found him outside the post office. He told me that Thursday was still the night, but it would be in three weeks time and he would let me know if anything changed. The three weeks went and from what I was last told in the previous week, the hookup was still on and the directions were still the same.

The Thursday night came around and I entered the cemetery the same way again, but this time I arrived about a quarter past nine. Walking around for a few minutes I spotted burning candles, so I slowly made my way in that direction. As I got closer I could make out to be about eight people standing around, one guy was at the front of the group so I guessed him to be the head of whatever this was. At the time I didn't know if I had actually came to the right meeting, the guy talking wasn't especially loud and I didn't think it was my place to join in. So I was crouching down a distance back just watching, everyone there was dressed in black so I figured that I was in the right place. Then I heard "In nomine Satanas" so then I definitely knew that I was, if anyone in the group did see me they chose not to do anything about it. I was content just to observe and to try to understand what they were doing; initially I thought it was some type of black mass.

The head of the group was facing south and the others were to his left all facing west and holding candles, there were two women who were standing closely to the head and the rest were all men. The head guy was dressed in an outfit like a catholic monsignor, he had his eyes closed and was mumbling what I assumed to be Latin. It was then I noticed a couple of men in the group check their watches, look at the women and then check their watches again. The "monsignor" seemed to move between gravesites repeating the same thing and the guys there seemed somewhat bored (and I was too).

It really didn't take long to make an assumption about this setup, the "monsignor" was probably a genuine Satanist (of sorts?). The women (at least one of them) was probably a wife, girlfriend, friend, or something like that of the "monsignor" and the guys were just tolerating all this because they were hoping for a root at the end of it all. In all honesty I didn't know what I was watching and as I didn't know anyone involved there just didn't seem any point in staying. I was only there for about 20 minutes roughly and I left disappointed, now I knew why the guy who told me about it never bothered to go back.

It was about six weeks later when I bumped into that guy again, telling him what happened and asking about what they were actually doing. As to the actual ritual he didn't know but apparently it was something to honour Satan. I said I understood about facing the west and gathered as to why he was speaking in Latin. But what about moving between gravesites? The answer...?

"He shits on the graves."

What!?

"He's desecrating Christian burials."

Are you for real!?

"That's why he wears that big skirt."

Does he actually do any magic?

"I know more magic than he does, you would know more as well."

Do they have sex orgies?

"Yeah, did you see a woman with brown hair?"

Yeah I saw one with dark hair; I think it was brownish coloured.

"I fucked her."

Are you going to another one?

"...No."

The conversation ended there, neither of us wanted to continue it. How can you feel good about yourself and the choice you made after seeing a buffoon act like that?

And while I am on this subject, homosexuals might think Satanism is approving of their sexual lifestyle. If a homosexual reasons that if God disapproves of them it must be the case that Satan must approve of them, then they are wrong. Although there is no specific tenet in Satanism that either approves or disapproves of homosexuality, the same social prejudices of general society still apply. Are there homosexual Satanists? More than likely, just as there are homosexuals who adhere to any religious faith. I never came across any openly gay Satanists, but it is along the lines of "don't ask don't tell." No-one really wants to know what happens in your bedroom and no-one wants to have a mincer in their social group.

Another misconception is that Satanists have orgies all the time; if you join up expecting a non stop sexfest again you will be disappointed. Did I ever go to Roman type orgies? No, and far as I know the "hardcore" guys didn't especially look for such things. Sure you'd take a root whenever the opportunity came, but I think the same thing applies to everyone regardless of what you believe.

Looking back on that pack of clowns in the cemetery I think that I was witnessing the beginning of the end of theistic Satanism, or at least its loss of domination of Satanism. Most people who call themselves Satanists are (as far as I'm concerned) not actually Satanists. These people subscribe to the Church of Satan/LaVey type of Satanism which is non-theistic; they believe that Satan is an "inner subconscious" that resides in all of us. In other words "we are all Satan" (another example of brain dead groupthink), this is outright atheism and the reason why theistic Satanists hate Atheists. This is the same as saying that you're a Muslim but don't believe in Allah, it is a complete contradiction and the same as describing yourself as an "Atheist Christian."

I never encountered any of these types of Atheists (well that's what they are) when I was a Satanist. I did have a look at the Satanic Bible and thought that it was well, lame. It's something I might have coveted as a 13 year old, but that's about it. The people who cherish the Satanic Bible seem to be the same people who are/were Goths, play dungeons & dragons, come from upper middle class families while espousing Marxism and study "arts" degrees in university. I have come across a couple of these types of "Satanists" in recent times and quite frankly am horrified as to their gullibility and stupidity. They have no concept of spirituality and do believe that all humans are in fact animals and nothing else (well apart from themselves of course...maybe...depends who's saying it). They also view themselves as the highest beings in their reality, they actually believe they are gods or believe they should be treated as such.

Here I have to ask for your patience in trying to explain where all these types of things fit into each other. Sometimes there aren't enough words or ways to explain it in one go. So bear with me as I go off on a tangent, I may not know everything but I will tell you everything that I know. Atheism is a subject that has to be dealt with.

## Chapter 6

As far as I'm concerned the term "atheist" should simply describe someone who doesn't believe in the existence of any gods whatsoever (or indeed the occult or 'supernatural'). Yet we have people who describe themselves as atheists who hold a specific hatred for the God of Abraham or Jehovah. Now how does one hate something which they claim doesn't exist? I don't believe that the tooth fairy exists but I feel no need to start movements to enforce my belief on others, nor do I feel the need to call children "ignorant" if they do believe in it. Atheists seek to eradicate all Christian teaching, morals, values and ideas (as well as Islamic and Jewish ones, but the priority is that of Christianity first) throughout the world but especially in Western countries and yet have absolutely nothing derogatory to say about non-Abrahamic faiths at all for the most part. Do these people sound like genuine 'atheists' to you? Believe me they are not, so let's actually go through their beliefs and categorize them properly.

First of all there are people deemed to be atheist simply because they are not religious. They are believers but practice a secular lifestyle, some people are deists who believe in the existence of God but do not subscribe to a particular religion or believe that he takes an interest in this world. These people are more correctly called "practicing atheists" or more simply just called 'secular'. They do not subscribe to the "theology" of atheism, just the lifestyle.

Next we have those who could be described as "scientific atheists", they simply don't believe in God because they cannot find any scientific evidence for his existence. If there was such evidence they would change their mind, whether or not they would be secular is a different matter. The reality is that they are agnostic, they don't necessarily disbelieve in God they are just waiting for the evidence. Once you take the secular and agnostic sections out of the atheist movement you see that the core of it is maintained by the "theological" atheists. This is the realm of Marxist academics, pseudo-intellectual philosophers and sanctimonious speaking professors. The theological atheist category is correctly divided up into three categories- anti-theist, misotheist and maltheist. However it would also be correct to look at these people as being in a single category as all three categories are practiced simultaneously or at least in quick succession. I'll start with the first and then show you how one leads into the other, the first is "anti-theism".

Anti-theism is the active opposition to the belief in God. More correctly it is the active opposition to the religions of the Abrahamic faiths. Anti-theists seldom if ever say anything bad against paganism, pantheism or Satanism for that matter, these people are also referred to as 'strong' atheists and 'militant' atheists. They seek to propagate the rejection of anything remotely of the Abrahamic faiths amongst believers. Their methods of propagation are through the means of "education" as in the teaching of evolution in primary schools or the teaching of so-called philosophy in the universities.

Yet at the same time the "educators" seek to eradicate anything within the education system that is remotely religious. Every year we see these bitter creatures use the offices of government and judiciary to attack displays of faith during Easter and Christmas. They specifically use the function of the state to forcibly instil atheist beliefs into children as part of the education system.

So what can anti-theism best be described as? Is it an anti-religion that functions as a religion?

I tend to look at it this way.

Take the issue of anti-Semitism, on the surface it would appear that the propagators of this are:

1. Neo-Nazi and other white supremacists.

2. Christian fundamentalists.

3. Islamic fundamentalists.

4. Anti-Zionist and pro-Palestinian militants.

5. Bigots and those with personal beefs.

The first four propagators actually have a stated agenda; their problem with the Jews is that they are simply in the way of the propagators' end goals. They have objective goals whereas the bigots' goals are subjective; to them it is a personal issue not a "movement". To apply this example in relation to the anti-theists it would be better to look at what the Abrahamic faiths oppose in order to see what the anti-theist group consists of.

The Abrahamic faiths oppose:

1. Satanism and related occult practices.

2. Sexual promiscuity including incest and other perversion.

3. Atheist forms of government and society.

4. Abandonment of personal responsibility.

5. The rejection of the family unit.

6. Arrogance and self centredness.

Out of this list only the first could be considered an objective goal for anti-theists because it is an end in itself, the rest are solely only of personal benefit to their adherents and yet are interconnected. Any benefit to others along the way because of their indulgence of these vices would be accidental. Whereas with Satanism they are serving an entity they acknowledge as a superior life form to themselves. The Satanists would be the true anti-theists here and even then they are not anti-theist, they just disagree as to who should be God. The others are just filthy, base people attempting to justify their putrid desires to themselves. They are wrong and they know it.

The next stage for the anti-theist that wishes to go 'up the chain' is misotheism. Remember that anti-theism is just the active opposition to the beliefs of the Abrahamic faiths or a "hatred of belief of God". It is the opposition to the belief in God and the moral code that its' adherents live by. It is opposing those principles and laws that are from the Abrahamic faiths, it is about getting rid of them altogether so that they will be forgotten. Anti-theists hope that in time that God will be forgotten, but for some it is not quick enough. Misotheism literally means "hatred of belief in God" and this is what these people engage in.

Does it not seem odd to you that on one hand someone will say that God does not exist and yet on the other hand will spew bile against him? Although one can claim that this sort of activity is just a part of the anti-theist arsenal to upset believers and try to cause doubt within them (doubt is a good weapon). You have impersonal attacks by anti-theists such as "God is racist, sexist, homophobic etc." and other pseudo-intellectual Marxist mantras. You also have personal attacks by misotheists blaming God for all the ills in the world and especially their own lives.

They also then proceed to blame the believers in God and their faith. It is easier to vent their spleen publicly at believers than to do so at a God which they publicly claim does not exist. It's a matter of "I'll show you!" much in the way of an acrimonious break up between two people. In effect they are establishing or else continuing a private personal relationship with an entity which they publicly proclaim doesn't exist. They seem to redefine this 'relationship' and be living their own fairytale which they condemn others for supposedly doing.

I'll use this example to try and explain this situation.

You have Israel which borders Syria. Syria refuses to recognize the existence of Israel and yet has been to war with it and continues to do on and off via proxies. Syria wants Israel destroyed while at the same time says it doesn't exist. How can Syria officially say that Israel doesn't exist when they share a border? Does Syria deny the existence of Israel for its own benefit? Or is it doing this in order to propagate the cause of someone else (such as the Palestinians)?

I'll ask this question. "Who would be the one who benefits from humans denying God"?

Are misotheists really just agnostics who have come to the conclusion that God must exist because they cannot account for their own personal flaws? In theory misotheists should be frothing hate about Satan and pagan gods and yet they do not. How is it that only one God is subject to their hatred? Why is it that the God of Abraham is infinitely more important than any others? Could it be they do not recognize any others as the GOD? If you recognise only one entity as the supreme God and proclaim your hatred for it and yet claim it doesn't exist, what would be the purpose of such a thing? Does the misotheist honestly expect to turf out Jehovah from the heavens and run the show himself?

Absolutely not! As to running the known physical realm and being a god in Assiah? Well a delusion to such a fantasy could be deemed to be rational; you only have to look at the types of people that try to get into politics and government. Little does the misotheist know that he has gone down a path that will end up serving an entity of which the question of its existence he simply could not bring himself to deal with (at least publicly).

Would it be fair to say that the misotheist hates the concept of God because they know that they will never be God? It's just like republicans who hate the monarchy; they don't especially have a hatred for the Queen. They hate the fact that they will never hold that position and so seek to abolish it. After all, if one can go from denying the existence of God to acknowledging him a personal enemy then would befriending Satan be such a big step? As I said earlier for one to go from nominal believer to even a reluctant Satanist there has to be a point of neutrality for conversion to occur. Atheism is that point of neutrality.

The next stage from misotheism is maltheism (or dystheism); basically it's the acknowledgment of the existence of God but you think he's evil. That's right- black is white, good equals bad, one plus one equals twenty-five and God is evil. If you weren't a Satanist when you started this game, well you pretty much are one now. Or more correctly, a non-practicing or nominal Satanist. Going back to the break up of the anti-theist group into segments, once you weed out the perverts, opportunists and nutjobs you are left with a core of committed Satanists. In the period before I converted to Satanism the second time I was as atheist as you can get (at least in a practical way).

Having been both a believer and Satanist beforehand I could judge that I was at a point of balance between the two. Yes I knew that both existed but I chose that I wanted nothing to do with either of them, while I was in balance in regards to being indifferent to both of them I was not in balance myself. Even if I seemingly was in a neutral state in spiritual terms, the fact was that I physically am in Assiah.

My affinity was with the world Satan and I both share, the balance I had was tedious because I had cut off the other three worlds from my life. If a bunch of Christians had reached out to me at that time maybe I would have gone their way. Apart from one "Jesus is god, give us your money" cult there was no-one, everyone around me was the same. Atheists may not start out as evil, but you can only keep your balance for so long.

Now I said before that no misotheist could realistically ever hope to run the show, as in have power over creation. Still they may entertain the thought that they could be some sort of man-god. They couldn't be the same as Satan because he is a fallen angel, but in theory they could be of a similar power status as him. Again I will state that Satan cannot create, he has no magic abilities per se. His so-called "magic" is the ability to steal, corrupt, pervert and manipulate that which is available to everyone else. May I put forth this possibility?

Could it be possible for a maltheist magician to overthrow Satan and take his place? I can offer the following answers, firstly yes it could be possible but then what would be the benefit of doing so? The maltheist magician in separating himself from God would also be separating himself from the other three worlds. He would be in the same position as Satan is now in that he would not have the ability to create, but another catch would be that the maltheist magician is a physical being in the world of Assiah; not a "spiritual" or non-physical one like Satan.

Unless the magician can achieve Satans' plan of separating Assiah from the other worlds as well as guaranteeing that he has the loyalty of the "spirit world" demons of Assiah, he cannot. He would have to have sole absolute power over things such as reincarnation and immortality. The only way I could see this happen is if he were to somehow merge the physical and non-physical worlds of Assiah, again it could be just like we imagine Hell now (but then again maybe not, there is the possibility that things would stay the same as they are now. But I'd think it unlikely).

For a second answer I will say no. No man has ever successfully fought against God; the only way that could theoretically be possible would be if that magician were somehow able to create of his own accord. Some people will use "chaos magic" as an example of being able to do so. Chaos magic is a type of "atheist magic" in that the practitioner doesn't use any deities of other religions; instead he uses archetypes of his own selection. In a way he imagines his own Atziluth (plane of spirit), assigns his own deities that he has selected to give power to the ritual that he will perform. Personally speaking from what I've read about chaos magic it seems to be an atheist copy of the kabbalah, myself I never practiced it because it seemed too unstable. I've heard of people using cartoon characters as the archetypes, chaos magic seems to me to be more dangerous to its practitioners than what its worth

Choosing imaginary gods in the mind in order to change ones reality on earth and accepting those "gods" as higher beings is to place no value in ones own soul. Is this not what Lucifer wants when he expects Jehovah to worship him? Don't touch chaos magic, despite the hype that surrounds it I've never known any success resulting from it.

Just back to the "man-god" for a moment. I knew of a group that was based in Sweden (I don't know if it's still going), that proclaimed itself Satanist and offered to teach other how to "evolve" into a man-god being (for USD $500 of course). From what I gathered the "magic" lessons they gave out were useless and seemed to be nothing more than a scam. Whether it was or not I leave to you, but the bad word of mouth resulting from it obviously wasn't good for business, whatever the intention of that business was. So for groups like this is has become a case of 'make the definitions to define the results.' All that is required is some psychology and a good dose of Hegelian dialectic to brainwash people into believing they are turning in man-gods. Seems like the usual modus operandi of all buck hustling cults.

Still continuing with maltheism, there is something else I want to mention in case you haven't heard about it (though most likely you have). It is the issue of Gnosticism, this could be called a thinking mans maltheism. Basically Gnosticism goes something like this; there is a true god who is purely spiritual and beyond our comprehension (this is the same belief in voodoo and deism for that matter). On the other hand there is a demi-creator who created the physical world, trapped spiritual beings in material bodies (meaning us) and separated them from the true god. To put it quite frankly the God of Abraham (Jehovah) is not the true god but a lesser god who created the material world (Assiah) and trapped spiritual entities within it (humans) to use their creative energy for his own satisfaction and amusement. The movie "The Matrix" is basically a modern version of this story.

Does this story make you feel uncomfortable? This is the exact plan and description of what Satan wants to do. Gnosticism and Abrahamic monotheism are mirror opposites of each other, the former says Jehovah is evil –the latter says he is beyond good and evil. Here we have two identical systems serving two diametrically opposed ends, the end result is harmful in that it causes doubt among believers. You may not seek to attract Satan into your life but your doubt will. Make no mistake in believing that Satanism (theistic) is something that popped up forty or so years ago, it is the oldest religion going. For the record I will say that I believe that Jehovah is the true and only GOD ever. He is not some sort of "half-god" or evil entity, but there is no point in trying to avoid dealing with this issue or pretending it doesn't exist.

There are reasons I don't believe that Gnosticism is "the true faith. Gnostics describe Jehovah as a demiurge (half creator) created by negligence by the "true god." What sort of true god allows accidents? Or is unable to rectify that accident for that matter?

Yet on the other hand Gnostics say that their god didn't actually create anything. Instead the Aeons (Archangels might be the closest comparison, or loas in voodoo) were caused to exist by the emanation of this god. As the emanation from this being expanded it came under less control and became perverted and corrupted. What kind of god could emanate a presence which it could not control, which then resulted in creation by perversion?

Different sects of Gnosticism have different beliefs. Some Gnostic sects say that Jesus was a prophet sent by the "true" god to liberate man from the demiurge. Other sects say that Jesus was sent by the demiurge as a fake prophet. To me it seems that whatever Gnosticism originally was it has been perverted to achieve a specific aim of making Jehovah the "bad guy". Some Gnostics consider "ignorance" to be the only sin. How many times have you had an atheist call you "ignorant" because of your beliefs?

Also we should take into account the characteristics of this "true god". He can emanate but not create, and that which he emanates and causes something to be created he has no control over. He does not act upon the earth, nor has shown any ability to do so. He wants to "liberate" this world from its current order of existence. I don't know about you, but this "true god" seems like Satan to me.

Is it at all possible that Gnosticism was an anti-pagan creed? That in fact it was pro-Abrahamic rather than anti-Abrahamic? Is it possible that the original Gnostics were describing in their theology what Satan has always been attempting to do since the creation of man? If we still accept the words and warnings from the ancients from the Biblical times what difference does it make as to whether they were Jew or Greek? Atheists and other "intellectual" types still endlessly memorize and quote the Ancient Greek philosophers and yet at the same time claim that the prophets of the Biblical times were either liars, schizophrenic or else simply did not exist. We as believers cannot afford to be as arrogant and selective as these creatures. Yes Gnosticism will test your faith and yes Gnosticism will cause you doubt. However if you examine Gnosticism and emerge with your faith intact you will know that no matter what the stooges of Satan (or atheism in all its forms for that matter) throw in your direction, you will see straight through it. At the minimum you will certainly question such things, which unfortunately a lot of people don't these days.

Was I ever into Gnosticism in my Satanist days? To be honest no, I found it interesting to read about but also found that it made my creed complicated more than it needed to be. The problem with spiritual beliefs these days is that they have been added to, subtracted from and blended with each other to such an extent that no-one knows what creed they are dealing with or what it was based on.

What passes as Gnosticism these days has absolutely nothing to do with the teachings of the Essenes or Ancient Greeks. Todays' so called Gnosticism is in no way related to ancient religions or philosophies, it is just another form of Thelema and ripped-off yoga practices. This supposed "Gnosticism" has made a heap of money for a heap of conmen, I say to you to check things for yourself before getting involved with these types of things. I will even go so far as to say don't accept what I've written so far as gospel, check it for yourselves!

As for the godless claiming that the words of the Bible are just made up stories and lies I will state this. When I was a practicing magician in both black and white magic my most trusted tool was the Bible (both Old and New Testaments). As long as I had the Bible I could plan and perform any ritual. I would quote the words of Jehovah and Jesus in my rituals and they never failed me. I also used the Koran to a lesser extent. If they were lies the rituals would have failed, don't accept the words of atheists. The words of atheists will always fail you, that's what they are designed to do.

So far in this chapter we've gone from atheism being just a belief of "there just isn't a god" to "there is a god but he's bad". I'm not saying that every atheist will reach this stage overnight, if at all. What I am saying is that like digging a hole for gold the more you need, the more you dig. If your "atheism" is just a way to excuse your personal leanings such as promiscuity and other vices, then you don't have to dig too much.

However if your atheism has come about because of some intellectual rationality, you will have to dig deeper because you will not be able to accept a definite end of the truth. If your truth has a definite ending, what happens when your quest is over? If you believe that you know everything that there is then the remainder of your physical life will be quite boring.

I look at the mega rich who despite having all the money that they have are consumed to make even more. It seems that their entire purpose in life is to get more money even though they could not spend it all before they die. In fact they could probably guarantee that their grandchildren would never have to get out of bed ever. For these people the end goal has been achieved but they continue the quest because they have nothing else. Unless you have that money how can you convince yourself that you are your own god when the only power you have over your life on this earth is the ability to kill yourself?

All of your money becomes worthless when you're dead. If you believe that you are your own god you will attempt to be everyone elses god as well. The only way you could force this is by coercion and terror, the very things that "atheists" accuse Jehovah of.

So far we have seen that atheism is basically an anti-Abrahamic creed, it doesn't actually seem to be in favour of anything (except for destroying 'the order of things'?). Starting off as "god doesn't exist" to "Abrahamic religions are evil" to "the God of Abraham is evil and is not worthy of being a God" the question to be asked is "Who is worthy of being the true god?" Notice how atheists avoid the term "Satan"? It is impossible to find an atheist who will openly slag off at Satan in the same manner as they do at Jehovah and Jesus.

Let's go back to Satans' game plan; he seeks to cut off this world from the others. He can achieve this by stopping the belief in Jehovah by the earths' population. This can be achieved by convincing people that either Jehovah doesn't exist as well as discrediting the Abrahamic faiths. Or else he can make Jehovah a hated entity by all the earths' population, just like Satan is now. He doesn't need to convince you he is the "true god". If he gets to complete his plan this will happen by default, as long as he gets you to believe in anything else but Jehovah. Anything can be offered because if the plan is acting out as it should, then anything else will be a short term deal. If even a deal at all.

Did I promote Atheism? Of course I did! The best way to do so was by word of mouth; I could start off talking to someone about Christmas for example and lead it to something like "What's Santa Claus got to do with anything? Having to spend money for a fairytale!" You would get complete agreement with this all the time, then I would throw in "Do you honestly believe in this God thing? All we do is buy overpriced junk for kids, get into debt for it and then supposed to thank God for it. I ain't rich enough to be a Christian so why bother?"

I pulled these sorts of conversations in shopping centres during the lead up to Christmas, when people are stressing about finances during that time. They get upset, angry and look for someone to blame, you can throw in that they are practicing atheists as well. Whether you point to God, Jesus or the church, it is certain they would be a focus of anger at least in the short term. When they used up every line of credit they had to buy crap at extortionate prices, they then took that anger home with them. Christmas, Easter, lack of pre-marital sex, whatever, you can always find something to blame on God just as you can always find something to blame on someone.

So where do we end up after all this is said? I do not wish to make this overly complicated for you, but as you are reading this I believe I should tell you that which I know and believe. May I suggest to you that I don't know what you as an individual know or believe? Hopefully this book will be read by a variety of people with a variety of beliefs. By now you will realise that this isn't a "feel good" book for monotheists like myself, if I offend anyone well so be it.

## Chapter 7

How magic works

It would be unfair of me not to tell you any aspect of how I learned, understood and used magic in my life. After all unless I told you everything I know and actually did, then the story that I've told you would not add up.

So in this chapter I will be trying to explain to you the more metaphysical aspects in relation to this world (and the worlds that we know of). In order to do that I will try to give you a crash course of some aspects of kabbalah, so just indulge me a little. I never was a practitioner of "practical kabbalah" in its pure orthodox form, probably because I felt I had been soiled and was not worthy to touch it. Still I used various aspects of it in my preferred practice of the Shem Ha-Mephorash.

It is worth your while to learn about kabbalah to gain a greater picture about the way things are. To me kabbalah is both an occult system and philosophy for independent rational thinking; it takes Jehovah and uses archetypes to illustrate his various aspects. Much like you may be known by different names and titles in different circumstances but at the end of the day you are the same person. These archetypes are symbolically linked to the Sephiroth (spheres) that are present in what is generally called the "Tree of Life" (or more accurately the Tree of Life and Death of the knowledge of Good and Evil). To explain it another way, the Sephiroth are to the kabbalah as the planets are to astrology.

Kabbalistic magic can incorporate planetary magic and astrology, but this is not mandatory. Planets by themselves don't affect anything – they are inanimate objects. However they are used to measure cycles in the same way the Sun and orbit of both the Earth and Moon are used to measure time. Just like our star signs are measured by alignments and orbits of certain planets, they cannot be replicated by any other means. After all, are not the days of the week named after various "gods" and their aspects which are symbolised by planets? In addition to star signs and days there are herbs, colours, incense, emotions, hours and even angels and demons that are deemed to be symbolically governed by planets.

The general teaching about kabbalah goes something like this; there are ten individual sephira that are in a specific top to bottom order of ranking on the Tree of Life.

1. Kether.

2. Chokmah.

3. Binah.

4. Chesed.

5. Geburah.

6. Tiphareth.

7. Netzach.

8. Hod.

9. Yesod.

10. Malkuth.

Kether is the top of the tree and Malkuth is the bottom where the tree meets the earth (Malkuth means kingdom). Now the tree is divided into 3 columns –left, middle and right, or feminine, neutral and masculine, or even negative, neutral and positive. I'll use the positive/negative classification, when I use the term negative I don't mean in the evil way. Think of it in electrical terms with neutral as the earthing wire.

Binah, Geburah and Hod are in the negative column.

Chokmah, Chesed and Netzach are in the positive column.

Kether, Tiphareth, Yesod and Malkuth are in the neutral column.

Once you place the sephiroth in ranking and in their columns you will see that it forms a lightening bolt type diagram if traced from top to bottom. This is how magic from the kabbalah works, it comes from the sephira from which you work in because of its characteristics and earths itself into this world by Malkuth. All of the sephiroth have virtues and vices apart from Kether and Chokmah which do not have vices. The kabbalah is about balance as is shown by the order of the tree. It is good for a society to have a spirit of freedom amongst its people, but too much freedom will eventually lead to a lack of it when some members of that society believe they are free to take away others freedom. Virtues become vices when overused; this is why balance is extremely important regarding kabbalah and the tree.

Kabbalah magic is generally performed by the magician in the world of Briah. This is the realm of the Archangels and this is done by using colours and symbols of the particular sephira corresponding to that world. So the magician is making a symbolic connection between the Archangels' world (Briah) and his world (Assiah). If the magic ritual is performed correctly it will pass from Briah (Creation) through Yetzirah (Formation) to Assiah (Physical). Each world functions according to the tree model, so try to imagine that magic works roughly like the power passing through serial bulbs on the Christmas tree lights.

But there are 4 worlds – not 3: the highest world (in using the word "world" I mean to describe a plane of existence) is called Atziluth. This is a world of pure spirit and comes under the direct personal rulership of Jehovah himself. I suppose I would describe it as the world of spiritual intellect as I haven't found or can convey a better description. I'll try this to help you understand where I'm coming from.

OK, picture a place like a shop or similar that you know of and regularly visit and let's make it a reasonable distance away, say 5 miles. Now how long would it take you to get there and enter the premises? So starting from the time you get out of your chair to the time you get into the shop (and if you are driving you have to consider traffic and parking), how long would it take? Let's say 20 minutes for arguments sake, but I bet that you have already pictured that entire journey in your mind by the time that you have read this. How long did that take? Twenty seconds?

If you went to that shop it would be because you had a need (we can use a pharmacy for example). So you had a need (Atziluth) and pictured how that need could be fulfilled (Briah), you then pictured how to bring that fulfilled need to you practically (Yetzirah) and then had the need fulfilled in the physical (Assiah). Or in other words you were at home feeling sick, realised that the pharmacy sold something that would help you so you drove there to buy what you needed and then drove home to take the medicine and feel better. All this went through your mind within a few seconds and yet you had not moved an inch from your chair while moaning and holding your stomach.

You are physically in Assiah and yet you have the spirituality and intellect to access the other worlds in due order, it is a continuous cycle of thinking and indeed being. Don't let any godless fuck tell you otherwise.

Back to the sephiroth, now I'll make things a bit more complicated. There are four sephiroth I will now mention, they are not usually considered in general cabbalistic magic because they are not "workable" by magicians. One of them is called Daath; it separates the top three sephiroth (Kether, Chokmah and Binah) from the rest of the tree. It functions as a type of "firewall" to separate the "holy trinity" sephiroth from the not-so-holy others. It is usually referred to as the abyss in that once you cross over an abyss you go up a level as compared to anything to have gone through before. I myself don't find it to be especially true, but then again that's just me.

Above Kether are the other three sephiroth, again ranked from highest to lowest.

1. Ain (Nothingness).

2. Ain Soph (Limitlessness).

3. Ain Soph Aur (Limitless Light).

These sephiroth are truly the most abstract concept, all three are degrees of negative existence. Trying to demonstrate the sephira of Ain is essentially trying to give an example on the negative existence of nothingness. Although I have heard about magicians trying to work in Ain Soph Aur, as far as I know there is no ritual that has ever worked. These three sephiroth are beyond the comprehension of the human mind. Don't confuse the negative existence of those 3 sephira with the negative existence with the likes of Satan. With these sephira there is nothing to corrupt or pervert because there is nothing to pervert or corrupt, there is no form within them - these are realms of void.

Now we move onto the four planes of existence and whose' realm they are;

1. Atziluth –the plane of spirit, the realm of God.

2. Briah –the plane of creation, the realm of Archangels.

3. Yetzirah –the plane of formation, the realm of Angels.

4. Assiah –the plane of the physical world, the realm of ourselves and demons.

As I've shown before these four planes work together in all things in a type of circular cycle. When we have a need for something we are thinking (whether you actually think in Atziluth is another thing, it is just a case of your intellect telling your body) in the plane of Atziluth. From there we have a concept of what we want in Briah and from there we formulate how we can acquire that need in Yetzirah, the plans so to speak. The result is what we get in Assiah, the non-physical becomes physical and then it starts all over again. Satanism doesn't deal with the first three planes, it can't. What you should realise is that Satan cannot actually create; he can only use what's available to everyone else. Yes he can cause you to get what you want but it actually wasn't his in the first place, essentially he is a pay per order thief. Satanism strictly operates within our physical world although there is a spiritual/metaphysical impetus behind it.

Now I'll try to explain where Satan and his demons come into it. Satan was an Archangel, his world was Briah but he along with his followers were expelled into our world Assiah. This world is just as much his world as it is ours, but for him it is a prison. As he is no longer in Briah therefore he cannot create (fact is only God can bring forth creation from the void), nor is he a human. His existence in this world is essentially a negative existence, much like a shadow.

So let's take an overview of this world which is Assiah, the physical plane which includes the universe and all within it. We humans are a neutral existence; we have the ability to be good (positive) or evil (negative) but our natural state is to be balanced between the two (neutral). There is also Jehovah who is beyond good and evil, his world is Atziluth the world of pure spirit. He acts upon this world through his Archangels whose world is Briah, the world of creation. Creation is the positive aspect of existence and our link to this world is made possible by our faith and practices relating to our faith.

Then we have Satan and his demons that are the negative aspect, they are in this world because they have no choice. In all of this there is a model for balance in Assiah, but if faith in creation is destroyed the scale will tip in favour of the negative. The negative in itself cannot create, it can only pervert. You might be tempted to look at the negative column of the Tree of Life and take a sephirah like Binah and see it in the same (lack of) light, but the sephirah is balanced because it has a virtuous side as well as a vice side. It is balanced as the tree itself is balanced, sure you can take one of the lesser parts and declare it to be negative but you will find it has an opposite which complements it and makes it balanced.

The only 2 sephiroth that do not have a vice are Kether and Chokmah, the former is neutral and the latter is positive. I can just guess and say that once you get into these 2 that you have no need or avenue for vice, but I didn't make or invent them so I really have no idea as to why they don't. Ask God not me.

The Tree of Life operates in all 4 worlds insofar as humans can access and use the Tree model in those worlds. So using a sephira such as "Geburah" for example, there is a Geburah of Atziluth as well as a Geburah of Briah, of Yetzirah and Assiah. The characteristics of Geburah doesn't change, rather it is the application of the characteristics of Geburah as to achieve the desired result by the person practicing the magic.

I'll use this analogy to try and explain the working of magic.

Let's say that there are two people in two different countries using the internet, one is in a developed country and the other is in a third world country. The person in the third world country has a need and uses the internet to try and find a product for that need. The person then finds that the product can be found in a developed country but is unsure if that is the right product, so then that person decides to establish contact with someone in that developed country to ask about that product. The person in the third world country establishes a contact with the person in the developed country and makes an acquaintance of that person. We'll call the person in the third world country -Pedro and the person in the developed country -Mark.

Pedro tells Mark of his problem and asks if he can do something to help. Mark can do something to help but can only go by what Pedro tells him. If Pedro is vague about what he needs then Mark may send him the wrong product or no product at all. If Pedro is rude, demanding or insincere about what he needs then Mark will send him nothing. If Pedro uses a catalogue in reference to what he wants and asks in a polite manner in a way that could not be misinterpreted, then Mark will help but Pedro has to provide some sort of payment as well as a postal address to send the product.

Now put yourself in the position of Pedro and either Jehovah, his Archangels or Angels as Mark. Pedros' request and prayer constitutes a ritual, all prayer is in effect a type of magical ritual. Only when it does succeed does it become "magic" or a "miracle". Just because you contact someone in an advanced country doesn't mean that they are experts in everything. Most prayer fails because people are vague in what they need and they do not provide a means in order to have their need fulfilled (postal address). Addressing your prayers toward "God" whenever you need something and not bothering to pray the rest of the time will not help your cause. I find it distressing when people ask for all sorts of stupid things and when they don't get it blame God for their failings. Stupid stuff such as when people will pray for a new car even though their current car functions okay but just doesn't have a DVD player in it. Or else pray for money in order to go to the casino and just expect it to appear at the end of the bed one morning. In magic we combine the metaphysical as well as the physical, to establish a bridge between the worlds in order to bring creation into this world. Just as you conceive a plan and design to fulfil a need before you make it a physical reality, not vice versa. This is what magic is essentially about.

I remember once on an internet forum concerning magic there was a thread about Christian prayer and its success rate, although some of the forum posters had some sort of bias against Christianity the overall belief was that only about 1% of prayer actually produced anything. When I thought about it I too believed that was accurate, after all most Christian churches completely ignore the metaphysical aspect in relation to prayer and ritual. All they seem to do is ask Jesus for money and when he doesn't shell out they ask each other for it. First of all it is not the job of Jesus to splash you in cash. Secondly Jesus practiced the faith of Moses of which the Kabbalah is a part, Christians ignore this altogether. Third, Jesus is not God and he is not the creator of all existence – Jehovah is.

Yes there have been "miracles" but they have been the result of correct prayer and Gods' grace. Asking Jesus to do x,y and z for you in an instant is wrong, yes by all means ask him to intercede on your behalf to Jehovah. When you do so you might put some actual thought into what you are asking, if what you are asking is going to be trivial and flippant (need some moolah for whores man!) you might seriously reconsider. Don't put it past Jehovah to give you a kick up the backside and give you a lesson you'll never forget. Hey, I ended up eating out of rubbish bins for my wrongdoing and got a good lesson the very hard way.

Be respectful, seriously think out the consequences of what may/may not happen and get an overview before you go ahead. Also take into consideration "the greater scheme of things", you may wish to get a sum of money (there is actually nothing wrong in asking for this, at least that I know of) to help others, charities, etc. But how disciplined are you? What you may have planned before you get the money and how you spend it afterwards may be completely different. Don't think you can pull a fast one over God by saying one thing to get money while planning to spend it in an inappropriate way. God knows all and all realms are his; after all he created them and gave animation to its inhabitants. As great and important as you think you are, realise this: his plans are infinitely more important than yours.

Remember as I've said, the whole issue is about balance. Once we lose or throw away the positive aspect of our existence as human beings we will slide into the negative by default. Everyday you can see the agents of Satan using these strategies. You have so-called atheists using everything they can to stop the belief in the Abrahamic faiths, not only will they try and stop you from practicing your faith they will stop you and anyone else from teaching your faith to your own children. Instead they try to indoctrinate your children (and everyone elses apart from their own) into all sorts of hedonistic activities. They are the same people who say that Jehovah doesn't exist and yet hold such a rabid hatred for him, the same people who hold that hatred and yet say not one bad thing about Satan or the pagan "gods". They are the same people who want to exterminate the Abrahamic faiths and yet find Satanism and pagan creeds "culturally acceptable". I will continue with the issue of these parasites later on, for now I'll return to the metaphysical.

So is kabbalah worth studying? I'd say yes, after all it was that which led me away and out of Satanism. But I would also add that unless it deals with "practical" kabbalah, then it is a waste of time. You ultimately have to teach yourself because no-one else understands your spiritual needs (and wants for that matter.) Don't go for commercial cults "offering" you "knowledge" for extortionate fees, they only make money from your gullibility and laziness. Once you've learned the basics then you can decide what's good for your physical and spiritual health, don't let anyone else decide this for you. Your relationship and trust in Jehovah is much more important than the pay per ranting of a flim-flam man.

As I previously stated I had bought the book "Sacred Magic of Abra-Melin the Mage" as my first genuine occult book. And as I also previously stated I was too impatient to do the required rituals in the book in order to obtain power. This magic does seem to have a connection to the kabbalah more or less along theology lines - however the crux of applying the magic was done through talismans. These talismans were basically magic squares filled with words to describe the obtaining of the desired result. Certain operations were the responsibility of certain Angels, Demons and sometimes a combination of both. There were ways to use these talismans without going through the 6 months dedication period as written in the book, after all making and consecrating the talismans required you to take in factors such as planetary hours and aspects, astrological hours and gematria.

Remember when you practice magic you are establishing a bridge to the relevant entities who govern the realm of that you wish to obtain your desired result from. The more links you have, the greater the chance that you will establish that bridge and keep it for long enough to get that which you want. For the record I don't know, nor have heard of anyone who did the 6 months dedication period. The talismans do indeed work, but from my experience they lacked punch because there was something missing from my setup. All I could put this down to was not doing the six months, yet in regard to talismans that were the responsibility of Demons I found them more than willing to enact on them. Anyway it is written in the Abra-Melin book by Abraham the Jew that the kabbalah is a more holy and better magic than what he learned.

Another version of magic emanating from kabbalistic principles is the Shem Ha-Mephorash, or "name of extension". In this "branch" of kabbalistic magic are the names of seventy-two Angels, though some would say they are just aspects of God. I would say that they are Angels, the reason being is that regardless of their abode all animated beings have their separate intellects which may be seen as the intelligence that accompanies the personas (or psyches?) of such beings. You can have people with high IQs who choose to behave as morons and thugs; on the other hand you have incredibly stupid people who try to put on a show of intelligentsia along with various airs and graces.

So have I found non-human beings of other worlds to have their own personalities? Well, in the few instances that I've actually encountered them I must say yes. Though they do tend to be very guarded in that they seldom if ever reveal their emotions. I remember that as a Satanist when I used a ouija board to communicate with them; that if I asked boring or stupid questions or made dumbass quips they would sometimes reply in kind or else flip the glass over. Oh? Did you want me to tell you about that? OK, when I was a Satanist I used ouija boards or more correctly played with them with others in a party game type setup. Nothing serious really, it was just a thing that most teenagers do at one time or another. Around this time I had just returned to Satanism for the second time and viewed such activities in a different light than I did previously. Before I just regarded ouija boards as a type of entertainment to laugh at frustrated "ghosts", but now and again it seemed like some of the things the "ghosts" said just didn't quite add up.

Although this could be put down to others using the board trying to be smartarses or allowing subconscious thoughts to be forceful in pushing the glass, still there were some instances of things that just didn't add up. In that the mode of reply to the answers to the users differed, goofy teen type questions were answered with replies that embarrassed the questioner and things of that nature. I mean genuine witty replies not the 'yo momma' crap.

It was at my workplace at the time that I decided to add to and refine my use of the ouija board. A guy I worked with decided to draw up a basic ouija board on a sheet of cardboard and add some new age hippy type symbols to "fine tune" and get more efficient results. It was a flop, so I decided to use a sigil (in essence a signature) of a demon prince (Astaroth as I remember) in the centre circle of the board figuring if the prince would not communicate through it, he would send one of his servants to do so. Result? Instant success! As long as the board faced the west we were in business. I was able to ask more open questions trying to get an understanding of what it was that I had signed myself up to. It wasn't a compulsion of mine to use the ouija board, but like any adherent to a faith or belief you do seek opinions and advice from others who share that belief.

When I left home and moved into the hotel and had my own room I would sometimes use the ouija board by myself. Impossible you say? No it wasn't, I made one with a centre circle in which to write sigils and always had it facing west. An invocation before use and a glass lid of a Moccona jar and it was game on. I think I was more interested in conversation than asking for specific teachings; really I pretty much had no-one to talk to at the time. What I did find was that even if I only had my hand slightly resting on the glass lid that it moved of its own volition. It happened a couple of times and I wasn't freakouted by it, the next time I used the board it was definitely different.

After the invocation I went to put my hand on the glass lid and found it freezing like ice, to the extent that there was frost within the lid and it was too painful to touch because it was so cold. The lid then proceeded to move on its own and indeed make conversation. Now you may ask if I thought I was going crackers and I asked myself too, but I reasoned that I would recognise my own phrases, the words I commonly use, grammar and syntax if I was in some sort of autosuggestion or subconscious state. If you ask yourself a question do you not think out and give the answer in the same manner of language?

But the answers and conversation I received were definitely not in the same manner of language that I used. There were words that I had never heard of ("adamacus" was one of them) and attempts by the demons to explain the most abstract metaphysical/spiritual concepts of which I had absolutely no idea.

So yes, in my dealings I found the demons to have their own personalities and an intellect similar to ours. The difference in knowledge is that their view of existence and ours are somewhat different due to experience and information that we as humans don't have ready access to. It is there, we just have to make the effort to attain it. It was during one drawn out session that the demon I was conversing with withdrew and another took its place. After it introduced itself I asked what happened to the one I was conversing with before; the answer was that its time was up.

Huh? What do you mean? (I was actually concerned about the demon in question and that I had caused something to have it punished or extinguished.) The demon then told me that they can only act upon the earth for a certain period of time per day, conversing with humans being an example. Through this I came to comprehend the meaning of planetary and zodiac hours. In addition I saw an example of order and hierarchy. The replacement of one demon with another was just a case of "changing shifts".

Planetary hours, zodiac hours, phases of the moon etc. are calculated because of physical orbiting of the planets and their various alignments to the sun and each other. Our star signs and birthdays are calculated this way. There is an "order of things" just like there is a hierarchy of various animated life forms and intellects, both in relation to each other and within themselves. Existence functions like clockwork; although we may give symbolic names to the components of the clock and the measurements and even things of the nature of synchronicity - the fact is they work. If there was no order of things then we could make up star signs, birthdays and instead of trying to put a pattern to the workings of "chaos" it would be chaos making patterns for us.

Why not wake up in the middle of the night and declare it to be 7 a.m.? Imagine if everyone did that? So you could have two people in the same room declaring the current time to be remotely different to each other with the days and even the years; being weeks or centuries apart. Could a world full of such people actually function? There is an order of things and no-one is exempt from it, yes you can try to use magic to work around it but ultimately whatever God says goes. He brought us the planets, he put them into orbit and thus it works. Man did not create the planets so he doesn't get to alter the measurements of whatever they may be used to symbolically measure. He can rename and redefine as much as he likes; the planets are here to stay and no man is immortal as a physical entity.

I'll tell you something you might not know; have you ever seen an inverted pentagram? If so you might recognise it as being a satanic symbol and you might have seen drawings of it incorporating a goats head into it. Most people think that the inverted pentagram represents a goats head and is used as a satanic symbol just like the Nazis used the swastika. Bzzzt! Wrong, it actually is the symbol of reversal of order. The upright pentagram is used to symbolise order as can be seen with the police and military forces of the world (ever heard of a 5 oblong General?).

The red star used by the various Marxist nations, groups, terrorists, criminals, etc. is actually an excellent example of a kabbalistic symbol put into practice. The sephira of Geburah is symbolised by the colour red and the number 5, Geburah is generally used in regards to military matters, masculinity and things of that nature. Being symbolised by the number 5 (because it is the fifth sephira) the commonly used geometrical shape to represent it is the pentagram and making it a red pentagram is to fully implement it under Geburah. Are not Marxists always the first to use force whenever the opportunity arises to take power somewhere? And do they not use force to retain that power? (So much for "peoples democracy") Anyway enough of that.

Do angels and demons actually like humans? Some do, some don't. They tend to find humans in the same manner that believers find atheists in that they are disrespectful, rude, arrogant and demanding. As for God? I don't answer on his behalf, but I will say that he is much more merciful and kind than any other being. He tolerates us and doesn't that speak volumes for itself? I'll stick to the old (and often ignored) saying "God helps them that help themselves" and that means getting off your backside and learning some aspects of metaphysics before asking for his direct help in something. It is not a matter of saying "abracadabra" or rubbing a statuette of Jesus like a lucky charm as can be shown in the 99% failure rate of those who adhere to "commercial Christianity."

Sometimes I think that the only difference between humans and other animated life forms is the fact that we have physical bodies; after all if an angel or a demon is "entrapped" in a physical human body would they be any different from the rest of us? There are plenty of people we might call saints and plenty we might call evil and the rest are somewhere in-between. As humans we are physical beings and subject to the laws of physics, are spiritual entities subject to similar type laws in their own realms? Maybe the planetary/zodiac hours are "exercise" periods for them much in the way when we sleep we are escaping the realities of the physical world and we can exercise in the realm of spirit or at least the non-physical, until we wake up and are fully conscious in the physical world.

You can try pathworking and meditation to enter the spiritual world and bring information from it which are stored as memories in your brain which can be accessed as you wish (much like a USB stick holding downloads from the internet I suppose). Remember the spirit never sleeps (it has no need to) and neither does the brain (if it did you would be physically dead), by pathworking you have made a conscious decision to enter the spirit realm and can take in information regardless of whether your five physical senses receive any input or not.

You might think that angels, demons, etc. have a physical form because they are often portrayed as human or monster type in appearance, however spirit has no physical form and the descriptions are of these entities as they are perceived. In other words they don't decide how they appear to us – we do. An example would be police descriptions of wanted criminals; if someone is described as 171 cm tall, brown curly hair and a medium build, well then you could be describing anybody. If you add that the wanted person is a serial killer then people will picture the worst stereotype and keep it in their mind, never mind the fact I've yet to say whether it's a male or female. If you want to contact or evoke these entities read up as much as you can about their qualities, vices and idiosyncrasies and never assume the best or worst case scenario about them. You are trying to establish an intellect to intellect exchange, not a physical contact. Gematria can also help.

This next bit will upset some of you but I feel it must be said. There are people who attempt to contact the dead, usually members of their families because they need to feel closure of some sort. Can psychics contact or bring around the spirits of the dead in a séance or similar, well...by and large – no. I'm not saying that it's impossible, just improbable. You may have had an experience where someone's "Uncle Frank" came back from beyond the grave and preceded to tell everyone the most amazing things. Would you not find it strange that Uncle Frank could now explain metaphysical laws and quantum physics when all he did while he was alive was drink gallons of beer everyday and watch porn? Did Uncle Frank die and go to university?

Sorry folks, the demons told me that they sometimes are drawn to séances and ouija sessions in which the participants are either desperate, clueless or both. When such attempts are made to contact the dead, the one who knew the deceased will often cough up so much personal information in their desperation to call to the "other side" that it is relatively simple for one of them to impersonate the deceased in question. Much in the same way of social engineering and internet fraud. Is this type of activity by demons just a type a malicious behaviour? With some yes, with some no, with some it is just something to do while on "exercise break" (same can be said for internet trolls). As for the psychics and others who offer these sorts of services, some may be fraudsters but the majority are sincere but deluded. Don't disturb or try to disturb the dead, deal with your grief and get on with life – I think that would be the message they would give you.

## Chapter 8

So let's get down to the "Shem ha-Mephorash" aka "Name of extension." This is what I've found to be the best of all magic practices. I first came across it in a book I found in the Campsie library while searching for occult information. This occurred during the time of recovery after I had lost everything after leaving Satanism for the second time. I can't remember the exact title of the book but I remember it was authored under the name "Papus" who I have been led to believe was a Frenchman whose name was Gérard Encausse and lived from 1865 to 1916. He was an occultist, probably in the same tradition as Eliphas Levi; I do know the book I learned it from was translated from French and at the time (c.1993) it was somewhat old.

The Shem ha-Mephorash names of the angels are derived from Exodus 14:19-21 and each of the verses has 72 letters – we are taking about Hebrew letters here. Using a type of cryptography one comes up with 72 three lettered names of God and by adding Yah or El to those three lettered names, one gets the names of the angels. Esoteric and abstract I know, but none the less it works. Each angel rules over a 5 degree segment of the zodiac known as a quinance (5x72=360) or to explain it further you have twelve star signs with each star sign being ruled by 6 angels because they all have a quinance (6x5 degrees=30 degrees)x twelve star signs = 360 degrees.

In the same manner as the sephiroth of the kabbalah, each angel has a virtuous and a vice side to it. If you are careful, somewhat calculating and virtuous in your planning and intention when performing a ritual then you will be rewarded appropriately. If you are lazy, unprepared and intend to use the virtues of the angel just to reward yourself at the expense or harm of others then you insult the angel and disrupt his balance. In other words you will piss him off and he has the ability to reply in kind. Remember with the kabbalistic practices of magic that balance is one of (maybe the most?) the highest priorities when planning and performing a ritual. There is a similar system that uses 72 demons instead of angels, it is called the Goetia. There always has to be a balance or as the saying is known by occultists, "As above – so below".

The angels each have a psalm associated with them, you do not pray to them but in a manner of speaking pay them tribute and justify your cause. Essentially I more or less believe you are asking them to intercede for you to God, but I also believe that they have a reasonable amount of autonomy and can bring about what you ask for. I suppose it depends on what you want and how you expect it to come about. If you want to use the Shem ha-Mephorash then I certainly recommend that you look at various sources to try and gain an understanding of it all. Indeed for any magical practices you will have to do the research for yourself, don't take my word or indeed anyone elses.

One of the reasons I decided to write about my magical practices is because I have been absolutely horrified at the utter nonsensical garbage that floods the internet these days that purports to be "magical wisdom". The arseholes that put up this pap have no understanding of metaphysics, ritual or indeed anything, most likely they would never practice their own rituals and just have gullible and desperate people do it for them. Much like drug cooks give out freebies from the latest batch to junkies to see if it kills them, and if it doesn't then hit the streets with it. Or else they have practiced someone elses quackery and fucked themselves up and replicate the pattern; a chain letter of mental illness if you like. I've seen some fucked up shit like at a new age convention where some quack was selling books on how to get fairies, pixies and elves to perform magic for you. Whether the seller was just a conwoman or just as fucked up as the books she was selling – I don't know, but I suspect the latter.

If you want to do research for yourself then go to the local library, look up whatever books they have on the occult – it will cost you nothing. Want to learn about metaphysics? Give the Rosicrucians a call. Want to know where to start learning about kabbalah? Ring the local synagogue and speak to the Rabbi. If you ever encounter groups or individuals that tell you that only they have the answer, that nothing else is worth learning and in addition offer you "magic courses" at hyper inflated prices tell them to waste someone elses time, money and indeed sanity. I know of a certain "Gnostic" teacher/cult leader who is more interested in real estate deals than imparting wisdom and charges a bucketload for it. Worse what he offers is not even Gnosticism but rehashed yoga practices, don't try to shortcut; I too made that mistake and where did it get me?

Think of using the Shem ha-Mephorash in the same way that Catholics pray to the saints (they really shouldn't do that; to ask them to intercede would be something else, but I don't go for that either); you are asking for help for something that you cannot do yourself, at least for the time being. You as a physical being are bound by physical laws and they as non-physical beings are bound by non-physical laws. But they are not bound by physical laws and you are not bound by non-physical laws. So if you perform your ritual correctly, are reasonable and sensible in what you ask and believe in God (the God of Abraham or as I say Jehovah) then all should be good.

Now as I just said both you and the angel are bound by laws pertaining to the worlds you are native to, but not necessarily each others. So you perform your ritual and call out to the angel in his world; now whether he hears it (or cannot hear it or chooses not to hear it) depends if he has the ability to have access to this world, and this is why planetary and zodiac hours as well as other elements involved with magic and metaphysics are important to the success or failure of a ritual. We are looking to establish a channel of contact and exchange between our respective worlds. Let's assume you have performed your ritual correctly; it isn't now just a matter of 'sitting back and waiting for the cash to flow in.'

I'll try to explain it this way. Let's say for arguments sake you've kicked a football in the park and it's gone off course and someone is nearby to where it landed.

You: Excuse me, could you kick my ball back?

Passer-By: Here it comes!

You: It didn't land in my hands. Could you come over here, pick it up and run back to where you kicked it from and do it again? This time make sure it lands in my hands without me having to move!

In all honesty if you were the passer-by would you do that? The passer-by would either tell you that you're an idiot, or just ignore you, or else come over and beat the shit out of you (and justifiably so). The point I am trying to make is for as much effort that the angel is trying to grant you your wishes, you have to make just as much effort in receiving them. That means providing the physical channels in this world for your request to be manifested, is this necessary 100% of the time? Probably not, but if you don't make the effort as with the football it will pass you by and it is very doubtful that anyone is going to get it for you.

A skeptic might say that although your ritual and follow through was correct according to metaphysical and religious principles; and although you got what you wanted, that this would have occurred anyway without any ritual necessary. They would probably offer things such as positive thinking, mathematics, circumstance or even chance as an explanation. I would say this; positive thinking requires you to believe in something and that something will occur. Much in the same way as faith, you either have faith or you do not.

There is no such thing as 'negative' faith but there is negative thinking; negative thinking can cause a ritual to fail, not because you have doubt about what you believe but because you have doubt about your application or desired end result. As for mathematics you do use math in planning ritual, you would be silly not to. If you ask the skeptic about the circumstances that have occurred and the probability of such an event, you will either get some mathematical impossibility of odds or else be told that it is just coincidence or 'chance.'

The keyword I mention here is 'manifest', and manifestations of circumstances are deemed to be 'chance', the mathematical probabilities of such circumstances occurring to anyone should be able to be calculated. You could ask when would such an event occur within a certain timeframe and how many people would be required to provide a grouping for that circumstance and be observed? And then you can add on that what would be the odds of such a circumstance occurring to a specific person?

Take another example; the card game of blackjack can be made more successful odds wise if you as a player apply a mathematical system to it. You can 'card count' and be quite accurate at the values played by knowing the number of decks within the shoe used to deal from. You can be at the table from the first card dealt and keep a running score, you might decide that the math is favourable for you to play a hand and you can still lose.

Why? The answer is circumstance from chance, the dealer might have a five card but the other players at the table have their own hands. One player might decide to split a pair of tens, another might decide to sit on a hand of 14, one player might decide to leave the table etc. You might be able to plan out the math for yourself before you make the bet, but after you do the circumstances may change altogether and that is something you could not have calculated. Even if you devise a system that takes into account things such as expert players, cheats, dickheads sharing your table and so on, there is no way that you have all circumstances (or potential circumstances) covered; so there is no way that such a system would be perfect or 'fool proof.'

Mathematics is fool proof; it is just the application by man that isn't 100% fool proof. Man isn't perfect, but in ritual we are not relying on men to bring about what we want. We are hoping for circumstances to be changed for all those who are in a position of ability to get us what we want on a physical level. That's why you should only perform a ritual by yourself; even if you know someone who is with you on the same wavelength and decide to ask them to participate, will they still be as the ritual is performed? Only trust 100% in God – not men.

The Kabbalistic branches of magic are fool proof; it's sloppy preparation or unrealistic expectations that fail practitioners, also remember God has his own plans and they're much more important than yours. If you want to practice magic in order to benefit yourself that's OK. But bear in mind the greater picture, just take consideration of all factors and potential factors (but don't obsess with them or allow them to put you off) and seek to see where others can benefit from your success and strive for the greater good of all. If you do; myself, I can't see where you can go wrong.

Now we will take a look at the issue of timing. We have the days of the week, planetary and zodiac hours, and even the aspect of seasons can come into it on occasion. With the days of the week; they are to do with planetary influences such as Monday coming under the influence of the Moon, Tuesday comes under Mars etc. Once you understand what planet rules which day and the aspects of it that relate to your ritual, then it is pretty straightforward.

The issue with planetary and zodiac hours is a bit more complex. With planetary hours they could be calculated two ways: the first being based on the movements of the planets (including the Earth) around the Sun. So we take the period between sunrise and sunset, deem that to be the 'day' and divide it by 12. If sunrise is at 6:30 am and sunset is at 5:45 pm, which would give us a period of 11 hours and 15 minutes – 675 minutes. 675 minutes divided by 12 gives us 56 minutes and 15 seconds to be exact, which is the length of our planetary hour during the day. As for the night hours I myself, prefer to find out when the next sunrise is due and repeat the same step. If I cannot I do it this way: there are 24 hours within an entire day and with 60 minutes in an hour that gives us (24x60) 1440 minutes. We have already calculated that for the 'day' hours there were 675 minutes, so we now subtract them from the 1440 which gives us 765 minutes, which when divided by 12 gives us 63 minutes and 45 seconds per 'night' hour. And at sunrise the calculations begin all over again.

Does it always add up when you calculate the 'night' hours and the coming of the next sunrise? No, not all the time; there are discrepancies so you have to use logic and reasoning as well as circumstances to try to make a balanced judgment. For instance; you have calculated that a 'night' hour is 63 minutes, but you also find out when the next sunrise is due and again apply the math which leaves you with a result of each 'night' hour being 58 minutes for example. So which result do you use? What I would do is get a piece of paper and make three columns; in the first I would write down the order of planetary hours for that day starting at the sunrise. If for example we wanted to perform a ritual on a Sunday; the first hour of a Sunday comes under the governance of the Sun and the last would be under Mercury because the next day is Monday and its first hour from sunrise comes under the Moon.

The order of planets for a Sunday goes like this:

'Day' hours

1. Sun

2. Venus

3. Mercury

4. Moon

5. Saturn

6. Jupiter

7. Mars

8. Sun

9. Venus

10. Mercury

11. Moon

12. Saturn

'Night' hours

1. Jupiter

2. Mars

3. Sun

4. Venus

5. Mercury

6. Moon

7. Saturn

8. Jupiter

9. Mars

10. Sun

11. Venus

12. Mercury

Which brings us to Monday and the first 'day' hour is under the Moon.

Let's say the next sunrise is at 5:30 am instead of 6:30, so we take the previous sunset time of 5:45 pm and measure the time between the two which gives us 705 minutes. Divide that by 12 and our 'night' hours become 58 minutes and 45 seconds each, not a big deal you say? Actually it isn't really in regards to performing a ritual timewise, but as to time when to perform a ritual it is. Now in the other two columns we write down the start-finish time of each planetary hour using regular time:

'Night' hours 63min 45sec

1. Jupiter - 5:45

2. Mars - 6:48:45

3. Sun - 7:52:30

4. Venus - 8:56:15

5. Mercury - 10:00

6. Moon - 11:03:45

7. Saturn - 12:07:30

8. Jupiter - 1:11:15

9. Mars - 2:15

10. Sun - 3:18:45

11. Venus - 4:22:30

12. Mercury - 5:26:15

Sunrise - 6:30

'Night' hours 58min 45sec

1. Jupiter - 5:45

2. Mars - 6:43:45

3. Sun - 7:42:30

4. Venus - 8:41:15

5. Mercury - 9:40

6. Moon - 10:38:45

7. Saturn - 11:37:30

8. Jupiter - 12:36:15

9. Mars - 1:35

10. Sun - 2:33:45

11. Venus - 3:32:30

12. Mercury - 4:31:15

Sunrise - 5:30

As you can see by the fifth 'night' hour the discrepancies begin to make an impact. To be safe (and confident) in making sure of the time we have, we have to take the start time (using the Mercury hour as an example) of 10:00 pm from the 63 min column and the beginning of the following Moon hour (10:38:45 pm) from the 58 min column. Measure the difference, and that leaves our Mercury hour as being 38 minutes and 45 seconds (make it 38 minutes). Maybe that's enough for you or maybe it's not; but you can see as the time moves on it cuts away at the length of the hours.

So if you find that you will be time short you could either wait until the time co-ordination will be more favourable; or if you cannot wait until such a time, seek to measure and incorporate other influences into the ritual that would make it more favourable. The second method of measuring the hour/planetary co-ordination is to use the order of the planets for that particular day and assign a regular 60 minute hour to them. These hours are measured from midnight instead of sunrise; these are referred to as 'mechanical' hours.

Myself I never preferred to use mechanical hours, I just didn't think they were accurate because they are man made. Sunrise to sunset and vice versa divided by 12 seems more natural to me, but taking in factors that can occur such as daylight saving and similar it is always best to try and bring in complementary factors to 'reinforce' the ritual period. So if the planetary hour you want to use matches up both 'naturally' and mechanically then all's good. If not, then you will have to make do with what you have or you could try to use mechanical hours on their own but I do not recommend this. It is an absolute last option if you have no access to any other data regarding sunrise/sunset times and similar.

Now, the angels of the Shem ha-Mephorash rule over quinances of the zodiac. So there are six angels per star sign; while there are planetary hours one might use depending on the star sign of the angel you wish to call on there are another set of hours you might want to reference. These are mechanical hours and each one of them consists of 60 minutes, they are simply called zodiac hours.

Zodiac signs with time (either am/pm) and planetary influence;

Aries – This starts from 12:00 and comes under the influence of Mars.

Taurus - This starts from 1:00 and comes under the influence of

Gemini - This starts from 2:00 and comes under the influence of Mercury

Cancer - This starts from 3:00 and comes under the influence of Moon

Leo \- This starts from 4:00 and comes under the influence of Sun

Virgo - This starts from 5:00 and comes under the influence of Mercury

Libra - This starts from 6:00 and comes under the influence of Venus

Scorpio - This starts from 7:00 and comes under the influence of Mars*

Sagittarius - This starts from 8:00 and comes under the influence of Jupiter

Capricorn - This starts from 9:00 and comes under the influence of Saturn

Aquarius - This starts from 10:00 and comes under the influence of Uranus

Pisces - This starts from 11:00 and comes under the influence of Neptune

* Whenever a Scorpio and Mars hour coincide it becomes a Plutonic hour.

I tend to think that the zodiac hours are fixed mechanical hours because of the occurrence of Plutonic hours on occasion. The planetary hours are not fixed and the only explanation of the coinciding of Scorpio/Mars hours I can assume is because the zodiac hours are. But I am not an astrologer or astronomer so I would say that you should give priority to the planetary hours and the zodiac signs that they rule. If they coincide with the fixed zodiac hours even better, but if not stick to the planetary hours.

With six angels per star sign in addition to having only one 'suitable' hours in which to perform a ritual isn't especially enough timewise. What I've found is that the first three angels listed for a star sign are 'day' angels and the latter three are 'night' ones. That means for you calculated hour you have a third of it to make your main pitch; don't be afraid to rehearse and time it, you will have to trust your 'sensing' in regards to this as you don't get to wear a watch or have an alarm clock during the ritual. Anyway you will have to study this for yourself if you want to take it any further. I don't especially want to go into explaining various technicalities because I didn't write this book with the intention to make it a book on how to do magic.

But I did write this section on magic to show you that...yes! You too! Can do these things, you too have just as much ability as I or anyone else to use magic. Am I especially exhorting you to do so? No! I am saying that it is an option you should have and learn to use. Much like having an ace up your sleeve during a high stakes poker game, you will only play it in a situation where you have the most to gain or are facing the most to lose. Don't let anyone tell you not to use it, sure there will be people who tell you that you are mentally disturbed or that you are evil to try to stop you from studying (let alone using) it. You have to ask yourself this question whenever this occurs, 'What do they have to gain if I do stop studying or even begin using magic and do they have to lose if I don't?' Whatever you decide it is best not to boast about it, now I'll continue on with more on this subject and give you an example of how to perform a ritual.

Think of the preparation work you do in planning and writing a ritual as a measure to establish symbolic links. Much in the same way as rehearsing and knowing the protocols if you were, for instance going to meet royalty. The more knowledge you have on where and how to act on the occasion would make a deeper and lasting impression than 'making it up on the fly'. The more symbolic links you make that are complementary; and to an extent supplementary, the more likely you will establish the bridge to the spiritual realm. If you wish to convey an idea or message to someone you can use words orally; you can use body language with gestures; you can use writing, drawings or even photos if appropriate. You may be using physical means to communicate but it is the non-physical idea that you are explaining.

Hence you should get to understand factors such as gematria, numerology and even moon phases if you wish, it depends on how much time you have until either the time period is right or when you absolutely need to do it. As long as your symbolic links (and indeed theology) do not contradict each other and everything seems logical to you, then it should 'feel' right and you're good to go. I don't proclaim myself to be an expert in the occult and neither should anyone else. Your circumstances, my circumstances and the circumstances of the 'experts' and the truly pioneering occultists from the Middle Ages period are different to each other. There may have been and still are similarities in all our circumstances but they have never been the same as each others because of one major factor – timing.

I'm sure most of us have heard 'If only he did that at the time, everything would have been fine.' Easy to repeat - harder to put into practice. If 'he' did that particular something at the time then the nature of that particular circumstance would have changed. All things are in continuous movement from thing that we either did or did not do (Am I sounding Zen here?). Call it synchronicity, chance, circumstance, coincidence, or whatever. There is a bigger picture than our minds can comprehend and understand, by using magic all we are doing is trying to adjust the angle of the frame for ourselves.

When planning magic remember to keep it simple, just because you saw some movie where everything seems to be grandeur in ritual just remember it is just a movie. I believe and worship Jehovah; he is God (of Abraham and everyone else for that matter). That allows me to use kabbalistic practices; after all we are talking about the Ancient Israelites and their practices. So I wouldn't mix them in with Wicca (A load of shit. I'll explain later.) or Enochian magic. Just a note, Enochian magic and Rosicrucianism tend to imply that their mystical knowledge came from Ancient Egypt. This I can't say yes or no for certain, but remember that which Moses did and remember he was raised as an Egyptian prince and he would have had access to occult knowledge.

Anyway, do you wanna play? Well there are some things you have to know and do. First of all you should have a sacred area in which to have rituals, a spare room would be ideal but if this is not possible then a specific area in which an altar (desk would be fine) can be assembled. The area or room which you would deem to be sacred must be exactly that – sacred. That means no unnecessary 'inappropriate' activities should occur there (such as in fucking on the desk you intend to use as the altar), you should give a degree of respect for that specific area.

Next should be the 'cleansing' of that area and the room it is in, that means washing the walls, floor, door etc. You may not be able to make it 100% spotless but you should at least make the effort, after that comes the burning of incense (frankincense is good) because not only does that area need to look clean it also must smell clean so as to 'feel' clean. So when you go to use this area it should feel sacred, it is much like a work of art really. A good work of art is such because of the effort put into it; there is a personal touch which could never be replicated from the original, unlike the majority of todays art which is mostly imitations churned by various types of machinery and sold cheaply like souvenirs from a fun park. This is your own personal space in which you will pray and indeed talk to God and his servants of the other realms.

As for the 'tools of the trade' such as daggers, chalices, cloaks etc. Well these are only necessary on occasion; you can use a new towel or tablecloth for the altar. If you are using Kabbalah you are best to wear clothing in the colour of the sephira that you will be working with. But as with the space you are using you should wear clean, well presented clothing (preferably new and not to be worn on any other occasion, but if you can't afford them just make do as best as you can) like you would wear to a social function. It doesn't have to be expensive at all; you just have to feel it is appropriate. In addition you should have a couple of candle and incense holders. I myself have never found the need to use daggers, chalices or cloaks.

Now comes the planning and this will take more time than you imagined. In taking the Shem ha-Mephorash as an example, you have to figure out which angel is appropriate to call on. Having done that you then have to calculate which time is appropriate for ritual but in doing so you have to ensure that you are able to perform the ritual at that particular time. Will you be able to do so uninterrupted? Are you able to wait until the next appropriate opportune time or do you need to act ASAP? If the latter applies to you then you might have to consider a different angel and rethink how your desired end result will come about. You have to do some serious contemplation here and maybe in doing so you might find that you do not really need to perform a ritual.

But assuming you do and you have a specific time in mind and a specific angel you wish to call on, the next step is to write out the ritual that you intend to use in the same manner a priest might write out a mass. So for starters you first have to pray to Jehovah as you normally would do (facing due east) and ask for his blessing on the ritual you are about to perform. Next you would then go to the degree angle of the angel you intend to petition (as the angels have degrees of the Zodiac they also have a degree of where you face to perform the ritual. For example if the angel is assigned the angle of 91-95 degrees you would perform the ritual facing south; if they are assigned 181-185 you will be facing west etc. East is allotted 0 degrees; you start your measurements from there and you will need a compass.) And your altar should already be set up beforehand.

You start the ceremony with the sign of the Zelator and proceed to light the candles (starting with the right) and the incense (you should be using white candles and clothing because I've only performed within the sephira of Kether. Can it be performed in any other sephira? I don't know I've never tried. As I've said before you should study before performing.) You then call upon the angel by his name and attributes, recite the psalm associated with him and plead your cause. I recommend you also recite psalm 119 as part of the ritual, after you felt that you have put forward everything you have to say then you give thanks for being able to put forward your petition for his consideration and then a farewell salutation.

So you will have written this all down, now rehearse and time it. Does it exceed the allotted time of the planetary/zodiac hour? More than likely yes so you should arrange it that your 'main pitch' occurs during that allotted time. You shouldn't worry about the ceremony going 'overtime' or feel the need to rush through things. As long as you feel confident in that which you have written (and yes you can use written notes in the ritual) then you're good to go. Magic is a learning process and experience is the best teacher.

## Chapter 9

As I've previously said I never subscribed to the German national socialist workers party or their ideology. In fact most people who are smeared with this term don't either. The only 'white power ideology' that I've ever subscribed to is Pan-Aryanism, if you are unsure about what it is then I'll tell you what it meant to me.

Pan-Aryanism is a type of racial consciousness, it believes that race is biological and identified on phenotypes. If you are of Aryan or Indo-European racial lineage or identified as being of a racial group that is accepted as Aryan; then you are able to participate in Pan-Aryanism. It doesn't hold a political ideology per se; instead it basically believes that Aryans should help each other whether it be on a personal or national basis. A type of mutual assistance in the face of adversity if you like. If you need to know anymore then I suggest that you look it up for yourself, this chapter is not here to spruik it (or oppose it for that matter).

So why do I mention it? Because it would be wrong for me to say that I didn't learn anything from it or that the people within it are all bad. I did learn from it and I did get to make contacts with good people. I've got nothing to be ashamed of, there maybe a few people reading this who will be screaming "Racist! Racist! Racist! Someone call the police!" Yes they will be screaming "Imperialist! Fascist! Reactionary!" etc. etc. while having their chimpout. These were the sort of people who actually pushed me into Pan-Aryanism; it was never a case of getting involved just to hate people of different skin colouring.

George Lincoln Rockwell was correct in saying that to hate someone simply because they look different to you is a stupid thing, to do so would mean hating everyone apart from your immediate family. Anyone of any colour can subscribe to any 'ism' in order to justify their own pet hates. It was political creed rather than biology that was my motivation, and probably the motivation of others involved in similar circumstances.

More correctly it was an anti-political creed; I can understand non-whites subscribing to various ideologies in order to oppose whites. My beef was with whites who adopted left wing causes in order to destroy the very society from which they came. In their quest they joined all sorts of anti-white causes that served the interests of non-whites; this is what I didn't like or indeed understand. It seemed to be a type of self hatred and loathing that motivated these creatures, well that's how it seems on the surface. But when you study your enemies bit by bit, you find a commonality between them individually and from there you find what each of them is actually motivated by.

When I was a Satanist I looked at what ideology would complement my belief. Others of my creed thought that communism was probably the rational choice (so did I), because of its atheist and anti-God tenet which was fundamental to it. I tried to get into it, but just couldn't. Communism is anti-God but not pro-Satan (it would be more correct to say pro-Lucifer) in itself. In Satanism we wanted to be above the herd and yet communism preaches that all are equal and that collectivism on behalf of the state is the highest goal. It seemed to be contradictory in every way; it is more of a means to control the herd by the self proclaimed intellectual elite. A workers party run by people who never held an actual job, it's a case of if you are not in on the joke then you are the butt of it.

Putting on my Satanist hat I would have to say that I never cared for whatever system of government a nation had. After all, my creed came first and I had no concern with how the herd was ruled. As long as I was OK and as long as the war against God was continuing then I didn't care as to whether the hammer and sickle or the dollar sign motivated or controlled a nation.

So what did I make of the white atheists in left wing groups? In all honesty I really can't find a word to sum them all up. So allow me to tell you a story and then I'll tell you on how Satanists view atheists of this type and indeed of all types.

About a decade ago I was working with a Trotskyite type socialist, during a break time he was in the lunchroom reading an old very thick book. I asked him what he was reading, he then showed me the book and said he was 'self indoctrinating'. I took it and tried to read it but it was incomprehensible, I saw that the author had a Russian name and assumed that it was a Russian book that had been badly translated. I then handed it back to him and he read it as though it was any other publication, so I asked "How can you read that? It must have been translated by someone who doesn't know English." He then told me that you have to understand the terminology and mindview in order to be able to read it. I just sat there stunned, not only was it gobbledygook it was a psycho gobbledygook. It was as though he was convincing himself that this irrational manual for mental illness was...well...I don't know what to describe this type of 'reality' as.

As far as I know he wasn't poor, lived in the latte sipping fashionable area of Sydney and really had no reason to hitch his wagon to this loser cause. He certainly wasn't a stupid person in all other regards, so what would push him into this way of thinking? If you have to 'self indoctrinate' yourself in order to participate in something, then obviously that something goes against your nature. So why would anyone go against their own nature? What would they have to gain and on whose behalf do they do this for?

Still wearing my Satanist hat - I'll tell you this. God can offer and give unlimited treasure; after all he is the only creator and the origin of all creation and existence. He can create at will and give rewards at will because he controls the void from whence existence comes, all he has to do is will something into existence and thus it is. Satan cannot create, he can only pervert and corrupt. He can only do so in the physical world, the Satanists who understand this have to see the 'rewards' as having a physical form; something like a pie. As with a pie the more people that are entitled to a slice then the thinner the slices become.

So here lies the dilemma; how do you get the job done without having to share your slice? I believe it was Lenin who brought up the term "useful idiots" and as far as I was concerned the atheists were useful idiots who would fight for the cause of Satan and would do it for free. As I said earlier – no theistic Satanist likes an atheist; there is no reason to. It is not necessary; the enemy of my enemy is just that – not a friend. What motivates them to fight against God, their nations and their people? Or even their family? As someone who does owe loyalty to God and as someone who was a Satanist; the answer is the same – I don't give a shit. Trying to find out what motivates stooges and idiots is a pointless exercise unless you are doing a psychology thesis.

OK, so you want a proper answer; let's deal with the stereotypical white left wing atheist. This is what I found the individuals to have in common, first of all they are atheist and anti-theist militants; especially against the Abrahamic faiths. Second – they are absolute hypocrites, they are the same people who advocate interracial marriage and yet do not participate in such activity nor ever would accept a non-white into their immediate family. They are the same people who preach the 'classless society' and yet come from upper middle class families and have no intentions of relinquishing the luxuries they have due to their bloodline. They are essentially a fake royalty; they will openly call for the royal families of the earth to be overthrown, not because they oppose the system of monarchy. It is because they believe they should be the royalty of the earth.

So what did I learn from Pan-Aryanism? First of all the overwhelming bulk of "racists" are not white supremacists, they are white separatists. They believe that nations should be based on biological race, actually I do too. I am not a white supremacist; there are just as many stupid white people as there are non-white. Leftists will often champion the cause of multi-culturalism and the 'melting pot' scenario to making nations. Of course the whole social experiment has been a failure, if you force people to co-inhabit a geographical area defined politically then you will have problems.

People will inhabit an area due to one of three factors; they are either of the majority racial/cultural community in that area, or they make their money in that area, else they are stuck there with no way out and nowhere to go. I myself am fed up with people who are alien to me bringing their foreign cultural and political baggage with them and expecting everyone else to treat it as their own. If you continuously bring in foreigners into your nation then you will destabilise the current fundamental base of your nation's society. Once that society goes into freefall, then the sovereignty of your nation will soon follow.

I maybe going off on a tangent here, but be patient I have something to tell you. Now you have heard of 'white supremacism' but have you heard of 'brown supremacism'? Brown supremacism is not the belief of any established racial group; it is in fact a belief that mixed race people are superior to others who are identified of a single racial group (especially whites). If you are of mixed race (regardless of which races) and are not accepted by either race of your parents, then brown supremacism is for you. Remember that Marxists believe that race is a social construct regardless of biology.

An example of this 'social construct' would be the 'coloureds' of South Africa, they are combinations of Indians, Malays and various mulatto mixes. Under apartheid they were deemed to be better than blacks but not as good as whites. And yet they were all classified under the one term - 'coloureds' and when combined with blacks were classified as non-whites.

Now I will tell you something about 'white supremacists.' When I was an active Pan-Aryanism I found that the most fanatical opponents of Pan-Aryanism were white supremacists (especially of the Nordicist type). I mean supremacist in that non-whites should be killed or enslaved, supremacist in that if you had "one drop" (a non-white ancestor no matter how far back it goes) you are inferior and not white. Those white supremacists hated Pan-Aryanism not only because we didn't apply the one drop rule, they hated the Pan-Aryans because Pan-Aryans are nearly all believers in God. The Nordic/White supremacists are nearly all atheist or pagan, they hate God more than they hate blacks, Arabs and Hispanics.

I wish I had a buck for every time one of these bastards told me that I worshipped a "jew god", these morons called me a race traitor because I worship the God of Abraham. These are the same people who espouse atheism and yet draw their 'faith' mostly from the World Church of the Creator and its offshoots and variations (an atheist church...yeah right, but then again are some churches infiltrated by such people?) and the same people who call themselves pagans and Odinists espousing a religion that has no theology and base their 'belief' on folk tales (Wasn't that me when I was 12?).

Fact is that both of these philosophies are failing big time in the overall white nationalist movement so its hardcore practitioners see themselves as 'elite' (Can you sort of see a pattern here?). Now their new pitch is "Gaia worship" and why not? Not only can you be an atheist, but you can combine it with the worship of trees, chipmunks and clumps of dirt under the guise of saving the earth (Global warming anyone?).

If you think that white supremacists and white Marxists sound pretty much one and the same then you are not that far of the mark. However the difference is how each group views the issue of race. White Marxists see race as a social construct whereas most people see it as a biological one. Does defining race as a social construct make any sense to you? I mean, as if you can change the colour of your skin by making a choice to your socio-political status? Herein lies the keyword – 'political', this is how race is measured these days by the various left wing parties of the western world and if they are not in power then it will be by the bureaucrats they infect the state institutions with.

An example of how race is measured politically these days is 'Muslim'; even though being a Muslim doesn't require you to be of a particular DNA gene pool, it is now deemed to be an 'ethnicity' (if you don't believe me and you're white, go and insult a Muslim and see how long it takes for you to face 'racial vilification' charges in front of an 'Anti Discrimination Board').

So why is Muslim deemed to be an ethnicity? Well here comes a long winded explanation; the overwhelming majority of Muslims are non-white and the actual white ones (we're talking indigenous Europeans here) are an almost non existent percentage. Islam has no colour barriers so anyone can be a Muslim, there may be certain social barriers between the various racial groups that practice Islam but at the end of the day a Muslim is a Muslim regardless of racial background. In theory this should apply to all religions but only Islam adheres to this more than others. (You could say this applies to racial groups defined by colour such as white, black etc.) Look at Christianity, you have black churches and white ones. In Judaism you have separate Ashkenazi, Sephardic and Falasha synagogues and with Hinduism you still have the practice of a caste system (regardless of the legalities or not).

Measurements of race and its seemingly new term 'ethnicity' are made not because of DNA or because of culture specific to a certain race. It is politics that makes these measurements in order to calculate political capital. At this point I'll branch off to deal with Marxists and Nordicists separately, as I said this will be long winded but I will explain it and how it affects you, your society and nation and I'll think you will find it worthwhile.

Let's start off with the Marxists, they will argue that they are for the most part not Marxists but will try to disguise themselves by calling themselves by any number of 'sub categories' but their aim is all the same - personal power. What I said about Satanism applies to Marxism as well - it cannot hold true; you have the political culture of Marxism which is evident by the ideological and personal behaviour of its adherents both within and outside of government and politics. As we are dealing with Western nations with a majority population of European ancestry; because 'in truth' the practices of Marxist governments in non-white nations don't really count as far as white Marxists are concerned, we can see our first example of hypocrisy.

Truth is that white Marxists actually think that non-whites are basically 'untermenschen', sub-humans or basically animals. So why do they champion the causes (whether just or unjust) of non-whites against whites? The answer is that this is their version of 'the enemy of my enemy is a friend', or more correctly it is in the same manner as Satanists see atheists as an enemy of an enemy but definitely not a friend (they are still enemies but not as hated so much). So who is this enemy that would make them befriend these people, and actually import them in to the country to destabilise the society of their own nation? That would be you; the middle class white, you can see this in how those who advocate unrestricted non-white immigration, interracial sex, marriage (and more importantly breeding), multiculturalism and other politically correct fashions do not and will not practice it themselves. They will advocate for a multicultural and multiracial 'common class' (this is brown supremacy) and yet live in exclusive upper class all white areas.

These are the same white Marxists (I'll just call them Marxists, ever notice how non-white Marxists are referred to by their 'white fellow revolutionary travellers' as 'nationalists'?) who send their children to private schools while insisting that everyone else's go to public ones. You will find them in the bureaucracy of various unions insisting that everyone be paid equally and yet continuously award themselves pay rises and benefits on top of their hyper inflated salaries, this is the same manner that they behave when in government or the public service.

Hypocrisy you say? In a way yes but in a way no; with someone being hypocritical, they themselves would know they were speaking with a forked tongue (that is if they were reasonably normal notwithstanding their idiosyncrasies). But I've found the overwhelming bulk of these people to be, quite frankly...stooges. They will hold two opposite, conflicting and contradictory points of view as being true simultaneously. If you point out that this is just not logical, they will not defend it with logic or reason. Their usual modus operandi is to start yelling and screaming insults and slogans; this is the sort of behaviour you would associate with a cult rather than the ideology of a political party. But then again are not political parties (especially left wing ones) basically cults of the Jim Jones type; where no matter how crazy the arguments are or how mentally unstable the leaders are, there is to be no criticism of the party because it is perfect. It is perfect; the leader is perfect, the ideology and policies of the party are perfect - it is you who is fucked up not them!

I can't help but think about that guy who was 'self indoctrinating' himself as I write this, I do remember a saying that went along the lines of 'If you are not a socialist by the time you are 20 then you have no heart and if you are a socialist after the age of 40 then you have no brain.' I don't know if this is just a saying or an instruction; I've never come across a poor or middle class Marxist over the age of 40, they seem to morph into the very upper class that they originally sought to overthrow. In essence joining the various leftist causes seems to be akin to joining a pyramid scheme scam or a money hungry cult.

To get to the top of this pyramid you have to be pretty ruthless and shameless for that matter. This can be seen in the way they use and abuse middle class whites, non-whites and indeed sabotage those within their own peer group. Remember as far as the atheist is concerned they are the 'highest being in their reality.' If you want to get to the highest position of your known reality then you have to be the highest being in other people's realities as well.

So now I'll take you through their fucked up and twisted view of their world, their 'reality'. I hope to show about their tactics in 'getting to the top' and how they believe this can be done by debasing everyone else, but I strongly suspect that you know or at least suspect their actions.

As with any peer group you may desire to get to the top, in doing so you may get a certain status and this will open doors of privilege for you. You become respected by your elders, a role model for the younger as well as envied and admired by your peers. In essence you are the 'first among equals', but it is not as though others among the social group you belong to are going to step aside for you to be elevated. Far from it; there will always be others who want the same status that you are striving for. They are not your friends anymore they are your rivals and your peer group is no longer a friendly community to belong to, it is the prize in its own competition. As the competition heats up the amount of competitors will decline; the few that are left on your level are no longer rivals or competitors, now they take the status of enemies and all means are permissible to eliminate them.

Sound extreme to you? Not really, or at least I don't think so. After all if you get to the top think about all that will be available to you. Power and the opportunities it provides such as wealth, sex and control over the world in which you live. Not as in the physical earth that we all live on, but as in the society that you could tailor to your specific wants and needs. You can decide what sort of people you want as neighbours, what sort of people you want at your social events, what sort of job you want and when and where you feel like doing it. You essentially become a god and your peer group are your acolytes, there is a lot to gain and this could be a case of where the ends justify the means.

So if you want to be in the race then first of all you have to reduce the field. Any combination of rich, white and successful is what it takes to be a serious contender; those who are not are disqualified before they enter. And if they do enter, seek to disqualify them during the race.

Marxists like to proclaim they want a 'classless society' but remember you are not part of 'their' society. I will only make examples relating to white society, this is the world I live in and the examples I will give you are from my actual experience. Probably you have had the same or similar, as for the non-whites? They were never in the race to start with except as 'useful spectators' much like the crowds at a football match who yell and scream when decisions don't go their way.

Some may think that the team appreciates their support; this 'team' doesn't care for them one way or another. As long as they dominate and defeat our team (poor and middle class whites) then that's all that really matters to them. They rely on going up the competition ladder not through their own efforts of excellence, but by the mistakes and misfortune of others.

I'll now go through each subject that I think is relevant to readers as a whole, excuse me please for the crude and somewhat vile descriptions I use. This is not a white power spin on my behalf aimed at any particular racial groups. Actually it may interest you to know that about 25% of enquiries and calls for help or indeed offers of help came from non-whites. Their societies and communities are under as much attack by the same people who attack ours. Only the non-whites call these people by the name that actually describes them correctly - criminals. It's about time we did the same; you cannot apply political correctness to criminals who have no political legitimacy. But then again, isn't that what political correctness is all about?

Immigration: The Marxists may argue that as all people are equal, then all lifestyles should be able to be accessed equally. Everyone is a 'citizen of the world' as far as they are concerned. Forget the equality crap, if everyone in your country (why bother to call them nations, after all white 'nations' don't bother to protect their borders let alone their people) is homogenous racially, then Marxists would be hard pressed to gain any political capital by campaigning against various forms of 'discrimination.' However importing large amounts of people who are completely alien to the local population will cause polarisation within the society of a country. This causes friction and results in discrimination and ultimately violence, Marxists will choose whoever prevails in the latter. Marxists love violence; it suits them quite well, no need to use flawed philosophical arguments to defend common criminality, megalomania or narcissism.

Immigration if handled correctly by any political party will bring political capital to those who act against the interests of their own people. It is basically 'votes on boats', a combination of foreigners and traitors is enough to get a foot into the door of government and from there you can use the institutions of government to attack your rivals in the 'peer group' you belong to. Dumb idea you say? How could these people ever hope to get elected by popular vote? Thing is they don't expect or care for election by votes of any kind, Marxist governments are not elected rather they are implemented by force and stealth.

Is immigration a problem in itself? Not per se, but despicable political parties will get votes from them usually by putting them in a position of welfare dependency and telling them if they are not voted back in then the welfare cheque will disappear. There is also the matter of breeding, after all is this not what makes the world go round? (And people like to fuck).

Racial composition of population: With continuous immigration the population will both grow in number as well in racial composition. Although this may not be an overwhelming problem in itself it can be one depending on the loyalties of the immigrants and the locally born children of them. Leftist governments use 'multiculturalism' to ensure that immigrants retain their first loyalty to their former homelands; this is done by allowing them dual citizenship and more importantly defining their previous nationality status with race.

For example, someone who may be of Han-Chinese ancestry will be identified as Chinese even though they have never been there or cannot speak either Mandarin or Cantonese. They may be the fourth generation of that family in a country such as Australia and they may even have a majority percentage of European ancestry, still they will be regarded as a gook. The Marxists will use social cum political means to alienate them from the country of their birth and indeed the country of their parents and yet at the same time blame white 'racism' as being the sole cause of why they are alienated from the society of that same country.

Again with the stroke of a political pen another competitor is taken out of the race. This is an example of the one drop rule being applied other examples are having one Aboriginal grandparent, doesn't matter you're an abo and you're disqualified. Marxists will say that they are protecting your indigenous heritage even though you may have no affiliation or resonance with it.

Time for another tale; I was walking through the Domain one day (I was 18 at the time) when I saw that there were political leaflets scattered all over the place. So I picked one up and started reading it, then some guy (aged about 40) came up to me with holding the same type of leaflet and asked me what I thought about it. I simply said that I didn't know anything about it and had no opinion either way. He then invited me to come to a bar in Camperdown to hang out with some other guys just to talk about such things and have fun. Seeing as I had nothing planned for that night I decided to go, I found the place and found the guy with a group of others in what just seemed like pub talk.

It was just general chit chat which then took a political turn and after more beer was consumed took on a decidedly left wing turn. It just became a bitchfest about South Africa, Northern Ireland and turning Australia into a republic. With it came the anti-British, pro-IRA sentiment and I just assumed that these guys were of Irish ancestry, anyway as more beer was consumed I had a couple of guys warning me that the guy who invited me was a homo. I didn't know if it was true or not so I just kept it in mind. Then someone brought up 'aboriginal rights' and things just seemed to become nonsensical after that. Everyone seemed to have their own pitch on this and even though the pitches seemed contradictory everyone agreed with everyone and there were mutual pats on the back; after that it just became hateful, spiteful and nasty.

Some drunkard staggered up to me and said "You know what...We get some pretty good mileage out of these coons..." shortly followed by some arsehole complaining about the "Aussie shit that live in the housing commission." These people despite being born and bred in Australia and most likely their parents or even grandparents as well did not regard themselves as Australian. At first I just took it that they somehow regarded themselves as Irish, but someone called a guy by his surname and that was definitely English.

It took a little while to dawn on me but I could only take it as their definition of Australian was Anglo-Saxon and this is what they hated. It was a political 'Anglophobia', just another fucked up worldview in that the English brought Australia into being as a political entity and Anglo-Saxons are the cause of this 'problem'. No doubt these guys saw themselves as 'citizens of the world.'

Anyway I saw the point of being there as pointless, I decided to tell everyone I was going and say my goodbyes. I told the guy who invited me I was going and he said "well just wait a while and we'll all go to the city together" which seemed OK to me. After a while I told him that I had to go in order to ensure I got a train home, he then repeated what he told me before. To which I asked "when?", and to which he replied "oh...soon." After about 20 minutes I noticed the crowd had dropped off and so I decided to go, as I was walking out he caught up to me and asked where was I going. "Home!" he then asked how was I getting home, I told him and he then offered to come to the city with me. I asked where were the others who were coming, "oh they had to go" was his retort.

Great, so it's true I thought to myself this guy is a fucking homo! I walked to the nearest bus stop with him beside me telling me it might be too late for me to get home so I would be better off staying at his place overnight. Quite frankly his pickup technique was pathetic, As he was spinning his crap ("even if you do get the last train, there will be thugs and criminals on it") some guy came out of the bar and went up to him and started some political rant which caught his attention. At the same time a bus came up, I got on and just went. Pathetic, what some guys will do or say in the hope of getting their dick sucked. I sometimes wonder...Does being a homo make you a Marxist? Or is it vice versa? The next day I was a bit more lucid and while remembering what happened last night there was something I noted, most of those guys were wearing industrial clothing of some sort but they were spotless. Was it designer 'work gear' they had for these types of occasions? Working class my arse, probably a bunch of brunchers and long-lunchers from the public service.

As for their drunken (and honest) attitudes to blacks? Then look no further than Barack Obama - 50% white and yet 100% nigger, all mulattos and quadroons face the same problem, but the definitions which make their problems come from their friends. Marxists deem all mulattos and quadroons to be 'black' and tell them to identify themselves as such, again more competitors out of the race. No matter how rich, successful, virtuous or upstanding you are unless you are 100% European (you could even state northern European or indeed Germanic) you are just out of the picture.

This applies not just to those of the low end of town; it also applies to the high end and those who aspire to it. In all honesty we all know the stereotypical image of the unmarried mother living in a public housing unit walking along the street pushing a pram full of black babies. She's on welfare and the daddy is long gone, Marxists will say that this is progress and integration. Progress for what? Rubbing out another potential rival? Yes they win by rubbing out a rival, white supremacy wins by becoming that bit more 'elite' and brown supremacy wins by gaining another member within its ranks. Within the poor part of society this isn't really a big deal, after all women like this are a growing component. They now have a status of 'victimhood' where they blame middle class whites for their predicament even though it was their own actions to oppose middle class whites that put them there in the first place. They are stuck in a situation where they are dependent on the very people who caused their problems. The Marxist is the arsonist cum fireman in all of this, they escape all blame.

Some of you may say that this is typical of welfare dependent shitty areas and people; this is true but not exclusively. I've seen this occur in upper middle class and 'rich' mostly white areas too; I myself currently live in an area deemed upper middle class and have done for about five years. I've seen stereotypical yuppie, feminist, progressive women, the types you see on TV demonstrating or working the dinner party circuit for open borders and such. I've seen them at the fashionable cafes, wearing the latest clothes and gossiping about the politics of the day. Occasionally I've seen them at nightclubs partying away like there's no tomorrow.

And I've seen them approach their late 30s single, no kids etc. But obviously they know that the biological clock is running out of time, they want to have a child but they don't want the father around. Stupidly and unfortunately (for the still to be conceived child) they follow the brain dead advice they have given to other women, they get pregnant and nine months later they are the one pushing the pram with a black baby in it. The conwoman has fallen for the con she helped propagate, the socialising evaporates and she now has a child she will grow to resent for it. And in due time the child will resent her for not only bringing it into the world without a father but also bringing it into the world without any sense of identity. Why do they do it?

All I can really say is that it seems to be along the same pattern of thought that the likes of the 'monsignor' Satanist engage in. Their world seems to be on a hopeless downturn to them that in a vain almost pathetic hope, they engage in something they think will lift them up. In the case of the monsignor it was to shit on graves, and in the case of these types of women it is to have an act of 'revolutionary birth' to show that they are still in the race. Even though they know they will fall back to the end of the race, it is the lift for that moment. Just that moment, like when a smackie uses speed to tide them through until the next shipment of the golden triangles' finest gets into their veins.

I have seen these types of women in the street pushing their prams or strollers and I have seen the reaction of people to them. People they might have once called friends suddenly 'have to go' or duck into shops that they would never shop in whenever they see them coming their way. You can see it with strangers when they look at the child, then look at the mother and then look up into the sky or down at the ground or else cross the road. As they walk down the street pushing their pram they strike you as a lonely figure who seems to have lost all hope, someone who is in a position of simply not knowing what to do. They continually grasp at anything they think will improve their lot, they fall into the stereotype of the butch looking dyke with 'short back and sides' haircut etc.

If they have money and a supportive family then they might be able to ride it out, if they don't it is then a downward spiral. Even if the woman comes from the highest echelon of society, not only will she and her child be 'out of the race' but the rest of the family will too by default. As far as the peers or competitors are concerned, they are disqualified because they allowed someone to 'shit in their ice cream.' As for the downward spiral of the others? I am absolutely fed up with picking up the paper or turning on the TV only to learn that another 'stepdaddy of the week' has sexually abused or even murdered a child.

No-one deserves that and especially no child deserves that, it seems that these kids are like the novelty pets that people give out at Christmas. But the novelty has worn off and they are now regarded as dead-weights and a curse to be neglected.

Seriously, to have a child without a father is one thing but to bring a child into this world as a social pariah is something else. The only family he/she will ever know is white, so what relation can they have to that family or society if they are not? All they really have as an option is brown supremacy, brought about by the people who caused that child's genetic makeup in the first place. It seems the Marxists are breeding their own slaves and useful idiots and why not? After all they are the same people who brought about eugenics in the first place (Sorry criminals, Hitler only stole the idea from you). Even if the child were to find out the race of the missing daddy and tries to establish some sort of relationship with that racial group there is the distinct possibly that they may not be fully accepted into that group, if at all.

Truly, I believe we are dealing with a bunch of people who have no understanding of consequences. It really is a sense of 'live for the moment' with them (but then again did I not make the same mistake?).

It reminds me of yuppies who buy children from Africa and parade them off like pedigree dogs at a show. I'm just waiting for it to be acceptable to put collars and leads on them and walk them down the streets and tie them to street signs while the owners go into fashionable cafes. I can imagine a conversation going along these lines...

Yuppie feminist No.1: Oh I see you've got yourself a nigger.

Yuppie feminist No.2: Yes I received him this morning.

Yuppie feminist No.1: Where did you get him from?

Yuppie feminist No.2: Ethiopia.

Yuppie feminist No.1: (snicker)

Yuppie feminist No.2: What's wrong with that?

Yuppie feminist No.1: Well everyone's got one.

Yuppie feminist No.2: And you can do better!?

Yuppie feminist No.1: Yes I can I'm getting one from Burkina Faso.

Yuppie feminist No.2: And...?

Yuppie feminist No.1: Nahh, nahh, nahh! My nigger is blacker than yours!

(Fight ensues to which the police attend after nigger kicks No.1 in the shin)

But it's not just a 'fault of the woman' issue; let's face it everyone laughs behind the back of guys who get mail order brides. They are regarded as limp dicks that couldn't cut it with a white woman and the brides are regarded as little more than common street whores. In some cases it is true, but I find in a lot of cases it actually isn't.

If you approach and ask interracial couples about their relationship in an honest manner you will find that you will get honest answers. They will tell you that they face disapproval from both of their respective racial groups and usually from within their own families. I have nothing against genuine loving relationships regardless of who says what, but I truly hate how criminals try to get political capital by dissecting and redefining such relationships.

I told you that I was going to use common and crude words to try to describe the machinations behind all of this. I am not PC and that is obvious, if you do not understand what I am saying then you and I am not on the same page. But I suspect that most of you do and are; I haven't finished yet, we still have Nordicism to deal with. In fact there is a lot to deal with, I'll go through it and whatever I don't cover during the writing of the next chapter I will do so with a punch line at the end of it.

## Chapter 10

The Pan-Aryan movement generally holds that one Aryan is of no greater or lesser value than another Aryan. That means that those who are of either Aryan blood or are of a racial group that is accepted as Aryan are all equal. Regardless of the language they speak or the religion they practice or the cultural practices of their tribe/clan/sub racial group or even the land they live on or come from. A Persian, Czech, Anglo-Saxon and Frenchman are all regarded as equal according to PA beliefs. Regardless of hair or eye colour; facial structure or body frame, an Aryan is an Aryan and that is that. The only way one can 'lose' their Aryaness is to disown it by becoming a Marxist or a common career criminal (both the same really).

PAs generally have the view that if our nations and societies were like those in the 1950s then we would be all better off in terms of family, society, economy and security, and it's hard to disagree. Each racial group would be able to administer their own separate communities without interference from political interests and they in turn would not seek to interfere in others. Call it segregation if you want, it worked and society and therefore the nation was made more stable because of it.

Did it cause problems for 'cosmopolitan' type people? Yes it did, but ones personal circumstances or preferences should not prevail over the stability and greater good of a society and nation. Everyone has to make sacrifices for the betterment of the greater whole, but now it seems that sacrifice is required for the betterment of a greater few by the greater whole. That's my opinion and I stand by what I say - if you don't like it...too fucking bad!

Nordicism is an extreme interpretation of Pan-Aryanism, it holds that only Germanic/Scandinavian people are Aryan and everyone else is tainted by 'mud blood' and is ranked accordingly. Although one can say that this is classic Hitlerism; myself I tend to think that Hitler was more PA than Nordicist. Apart from ensuring the dominance and preservation of the Germanic people he was more or less content to let others rule themselves (what he planned for later I guess we will never truly know); but whatever Nordicism ever was, it is currently in the process of being hijacked by people who I strongly suspect wish to claim it for and absorb it into Marxism.

Myself, I think what we seeing is the beginnings of implementation of a global caste system. Much like in India where the whiter you are, the richer you are, or even the more "holier" you are then the higher you are. But you may say that to implement such a system upon the worlds' population would be impractical, after all the white or indeed Aryan population only makes 7% of the worlds' population. Throw in Nordicism which would cut that by over 50%, it just wouldn't be practical.

Fair and valid point, if we were looking at it from a purely biological perspective. But seeing as ones race gets defined by politics these days, terms such as white, black, brown and coloured could be changed at will by politicians to suit their political and personal means. We can look back at recent history in terms of South Africa which with its apartheid government had people classified as whites and coloureds, in addition it had the ability to make people "honorary" whites regardless of their actual skin colour or racial phenotype. This was done by political means to achieve political ends, even though it seemed contradictory and hypocritical to the ideology and functioning of the government that implemented it. It also went against the laws of nature.

And because of that it is still a viable political tenet for the one-worlders, NWO, TPTB, whatever you want to call them. What if the colours that describe our racial groups are changed from that context into one that describes your socio-economic-political status, or indeed your caste? Much like school sporting carnivals in which the students were divided among 'houses' and which had their own colours. Same could be said for fraternities in universities, your sporting, academic, financial and celebrity status ultimately decided which one who were accepted (or otherwise put) in.

The ultimate 'gravy train' fraternity to get in is the United Nations, obviously they are not all of the same race but they are all of the same status or caste if you like. Looking at the players and bureaucrats there you have all biological colours, nationalities as well as religion/non religions. If the ideological status of the UN is to view all people as equal then they must have the machination to make it so, even though it may be just on paper.

Geography does not equal race, neither does religion or even ones skin tone to a lesser extent. Yet to be African you have to be 100% Negroid, Jews and Muslims are deemed to be races and you have non-Aryan people describing themselves as white. Then why is it that an Afrikaner is deemed a European even though they have been in Africa for 6 to 8 generations and yet a child of African Negroid immigrants in France is deemed a European? Or that a Pakistani Pashtun and Gulf Arab Semite are deemed to be of the same ethnicity simply because they share the same faith? Or even that someone who is of ancestry of Ethiopian Jews (Falashas) is protected by laws regarding 'antisemitism'? Or how about converts to Islam or Judaism being protected by similar if not identical laws?

It is simply because the definitions of man, or indeed certain men and ideologies are granted more importance and legality over that of the observable laws of nature, biology and the creator of nature...GOD! Look at the utter stupidity that has become mainstream because of political correctness. Saying that human beings are all of one race is like saying that German Shepards and Chihuahuas are the same breed simply because they are dogs. I can adjust my language, culture and geography to that of the Pygmy and yet still at the end of the day I will never be one. It is biological fact; it is nothing to do with ideology.

Myself, I find that races can excel at some things, but not at others. But I think if you take all the races and their natural abilities you would find that it all pretty much evens out. White western countries generally have 'Affirmative Action' policies in regards to non-whites, this is supposed to uplift them to the forefront of the societies of those countries and be 'liberating'. In reality it has made them dependent on government aid and has reduced them to the status of mercenary voters, getting rewards at the expense of whites simply for being non-white and causing resentment.

It is the arsonist cum fireman routine that political parties around the world engage in when in government, whatever it takes to stay in power. What if dachunds were made into guide dogs for the blind and poodles were used as guard dogs? People everywhere would be shouting what a stupid idea it is, but yet when similar policies are pushed onto human society people will defend or oppose it based on the political capital they have to gain from it. Most people will say something to their friends and drinking buddies and leave it at that, but when it comes to action it is a case of doing nothing (But what about my job? I gotta work! Beer and porn doesn't pay for itself ya know!!). It is just another case of "just sayin" in which case they shouldn't have bothered to have an opinion, they remain silent and silence is consent.

Everyday you see one crooked government decision after another, especially in Western countries which have left leaning governments. But as long as the beer and porn taps are still on no-one says anything and if they do they seldom enact on that. And those who enact on that find little if any real support. When stupid decisions are made and people give consent by silence you may ask "What's wrong with people?" Fair question, but what are you going to do about it? You can try and do something or you can bitch and whinge to your drinking buddies. Sad to say that even if you come up with a good plan you still might fall short. Remember people are led to believe that their short term interests are more important than a long term future. Who leads them in that way? The people they have faith in to lead them, why do they allow these people to lead them? Because they look after their short term interests etc. etc.

This is a type of circular logic and I think logic is the wrong term; there is no logic behind this. More of a type of quack psychiatry mixed with neuro linguistic programming. But why do people fall for it? Can you see why we called you the herd? It seems that not only have you surrendered your best interests and priorities to these 'alpha' people, it also seems that you have surrendered your thought processes too.

Look at the topic of evolution, it is no longer touted as a theory but is expected to be accepted as a fact. Expected by who? Groupthink? Groupthink of the herd? Where's the evidence? "Oh, I saw it on TV so it must be true. There's the fossil record and humans came from Africa, if you don't believe me you must be a racist." The PC brigade are pushing that race mixing is evolution and that we all have to 'evolve'. You have evolution being defined as a 'state of mind' and hear the 'new truth' of 'psychological evolution', in other words mental illness and groupthink is human progress (ah...'progress' makes another appearance).

First of all I say that the fossil record is just where things died, nothing more. Second, the 'out of africa' theory had its origins from the 'teachings' of the black supremacist Nation of Islam (U.S.). They believe that black people are gods and that the whites were created by an evil scientist from blacks by some sort of selective breeding and that they are all evil. Their "god" called Fard Muhammad aka "Allah in the flesh" was peddling this crap in the 1930s. Now it has become a mainstream (or soon to be) teaching in all educational facilities.

Then you have the "creationists" as in the World Church Of The Creator, the white equivalent of the NoI. They think all white people are gods, but they at the same time are decidedly atheist because they do not believe in a higher being. They see non-whites as pests to be exterminated just like the NoI sees whites in the same manner.

Fairytale stuff? Absolutely! Do they rip off bits and pieces of the holy books of the Abrahamic faiths? Of course! Do they seek financial and political capital from their 'creed'? Sure do! Do they have an absence of theology/ideology so they can adjust or indeed make up points to complement their present situation? How could it be any other way? Do they seek to implement a caste system on those who are not 'black enough' or 'white enough'? This would be a necessity. Next question...Do they work with or for leaders of the herd to implement their plans and beliefs? It couldn't work any other way!

If these people were really sincere they would simply pack off with their brethren to a pacific island or an uninhabited remote patch of land somewhere. But they don't. Why? Because they all have the same expectations and believe they are all equal. How would you gain political capital and how would you cash it in? What would be the point of uniting your brethren under the colour of skin and yet have them kill each other because of their beliefs, egos or lack of them? Groups like these were formed out of adversity and need adversaries to keep them going.

Much like rival businesses in various industries, the top two leaders in any sector will form a duopoly. They join forces to push down or if even possible ruin or bankrupt any up and comers that threaten the duopoly and when that is finalised, they proceed to exploit their employees, customers and suppliers to the utmost. You see it in private enterprise and you see it in politics and you see it accepted by the herd because they become accustomed if not conditioned in believe that this is just the way it is, or...the order of things.

But this isn't natural order; this behaviour is something that has been implemented. But by who? I can recognise some (if not most) of the attitudes by the people who involve themselves in this sort of behaviour and yes they are some of the attitudes that I once had. As I said, anyone is entitled to have a shot at being the Satan. I also said that your chances are pretty much zero and I said that this world of Assiah is just as much his as it is ours. And I also said that it is a prison for him, yet he is also called "Prince of this world". And...hmmm...I'll stop on that, I think that I'm getting too esoteric and existentialist at this point.

Heh...Do I know how to play you? Maybe? Writing this brings back my state of being from back then, trying to translate it into words for everybody fails. Maybe I never said I was a good person...but then again maybe I never was...

Right! Let's continue, look at crime and specifically racially motivated crime in Western countries perpetrated by either recent migrants or their children against whites. Specifically the issue of gang rapes, in France it is done by North Africans, in Australia by Lebanese and in the Scandinavian countries by Kurds. "Rape the white bitches!" is the call and that call is commonly heard, the whites turn to their governments for something to be done and the result? Nothing, silence, and what do the 'concerned whites' and their leaders do? Nothing and in essence give defacto consent...well as long as it isn't their daughters being raped.

The governments continue with their open borders policy along with the consequences. Why should they care? They hold the prize for the time being, especially the leaders of those governments. They are a god of Assiah, or at least their part of their world anyway but they know they have competitors and 'equals' who want their 'godhood' or who can challenge it and they are both outside and inside their government. They need to lower the position and standard and actually the expectations of everyone else by any means necessary. If they can't get anyone to shit in your ice cream (mixed race children) then they will get someone to piss on your cutlery (rape and traumatise the white 'lesser' females, no matter how many times you wash - the stigma and the feeling of 'being soiled' will always be there). It is about bloodlines for these people – not spirit, their entire existence as far as they are concerned is Assiah.

Anders Breivik the Norwegian knew this, it is made out that he is 'crazy' but I don't believe it to be true or at least he isn't anymore crazy than anyone else. He knew that 'crushing the bloodlines' of these people would instil absolute loss in them (and yet at the same time some of the 'establishment' families of Norway who were untouched by all of this saw it as less competition against their children.) Do I condemn it? No, those punk kids had been instilled with a sense of entitlement simply because of who their parents were. Since when has government been a 'family business' lately? I thought the days of absolute monarchies had been pretty much done away with.

Do I support him? Again no, he more or less has fallen into the media trap like most other people. He blames 'cultural Marxism' for crime problems in Norway and especially racial crime (correct!) but then he blames Muslims as a whole for perpetrating those crimes. How can you blame an Indonesian for crimes committed by Kurds, Arabs and blacks simply because they share the same religion? But it is not only Breivik who makes this error of judgment; many white nationalist organisations do the same. They are following the brown supremacist line that 'Muslims' are a race instead of a religion and the racial qualification to be a Muslim is to be non-white.

In Australia we have a similar issue with supposed 'boat people', mostly Iranians, Iraqis and Afghans from what it can be assessed (because these bastards throw their passports overboard once they set sail from Indonesia). So they fly to Indonesia, get 'people smugglers' to take them into Australian territorial waters and then the captain of the boat radios a SOS/mayday call so the navy picks them up. When taken to Christmas Island they then DEMAND to be taken to the mainland to be released. When this doesn't happen they bitch and whine about being harshly treated because they are "po' widdle" refugees. Pigs arse!

Poor? As in having the airfare from wherever to fly to Indonesia? As in being able to pay the people smuggler? (Usually between $10-20k per person). They demand to be released into the community along with government housing, Australian citizenship and a nice welfare cheque (98% of these 'refugees' who have been here for five years or more are still on welfare – they have no intentions of getting a job). And when real Australians (actual people born and bred here, along with long standing migrants – regardless of race) complain that the government increases taxes just to keep these people in luxury (quite true, "detained" in three and four star hotels in most instances) and that the senior citizens need assistance just to pay their medicine, food and electricity bills the government response is they should shut up and stop being racist against Muslims!

These so-called 'asylum seekers' come with sob stories about escaping 'harsh lives in Islamic communities' and once they get the thumbs up from the government (Labor party of course) they know they won't get deported. Then they proceed to demand special treatment simply because they are 'Muslims'. I very much doubt they follow the Koran or even believe in God, they just want to impose and reap the benefits from a system of dhimmitude which is based on relegating all whites as 'non-Muslim' (new age 'Sharia' law anyone?).

And that's the way it will be – certainly as far as the 'white elite' are concerned until they allow someone to shit in their ice cream or else have their cutlery pissed on.

Much like child vaccinations, if the parents don't offer up the kids to the doctor then the state will take them off you to ensure that it is done. How Islamic are these 'Muslims'? I wouldn't even consider them Islamic, they should be called by what they are – brown supremacist criminals. The corruption, apostasy and criminality in Western countries is just as prevalent in Arab countries and indeed the entire world.

Take Saudi Arabia for example; you do have a defacto caste system there. They bring in foreign Muslims from all over the world to work there and then proceed to exploit them. So much for Muslim solidarity, corruption is epidemic there especially in the realm of religion. I know, I had a Saudi prince once tell me (there are about 30000 royals) as he was swigging a beer. Political not religious, criminal not political.

And yet as I write this there are umpteen thousands if not millions of people in dire situations who just want a second chance or more correctly just want to live. They cling onto hope for they have nothing else, and yet they are denied because criminal governments will do anything just to stay in power and just to be mini gods in Assiah and judging who lives and dies is just part of that.

While I'm in a nasty PA mode I'll throw in my two cents worth on the Jews. Actually their situation is quite similar to that of the Muslims, anyway what is a Jew? As far as I'm concerned it should be anyone who adheres to the teachings of Moses. But like the way of Christianity and Islam the politics have seemingly overridden the spiritual. Jews are now deemed a 'race' even though they are obviously different races. If you criticise the Jews you are called anti-Semitic or antisemitic, what's the difference you say? A lot, if you are anti-Semitc that deems that you hate Semites. In that you would be hating Assyrians, Arabs and Maltese (to a lesser extent). The term refers to biology and nothing else, however antisemitism is a political term and could really refer to anything and changed at anytime by political means.

Most Jews and more specifically most Askhenazi Jews are primarily Turkic – not Semitic. I doubt very much that Mt. Sinai was in the Caucasus, as for the whole Palestine/Israel thing?...Well...who really cares? And the "chosen people" thing? Well that's what the Muslims really hold against them, it's as though the Jews have relegated everyone else apart from themselves to the status of cattle (The goyim? The herd?). Yet on the other hand you have Christian sects proclaiming that the Jews are the chosen people and that it is the responsibility of everyone to serve them. I don't know about you but this seems to be another form of dhimmitude.

It seems that all religions have been perverted and corrupted for political capital by criminals. Blatant blasphemy and apostasy which seems to go unchallenged, now Jesus apparently speaks in Old English and Mohammed speaks in Urdu. As for the Jews? Well no sighting of Moses lately but Noah wrote down an extended set of laws which makes it OK to kill and enslave non-Jews (must have been a family argument on the ark). Utter crap which has been made politically correct because it can be wrung for a buck and domination.

A silly conversation I had with an "I'm a Christian but Jews are Gods' chosen people" aka ziochristian. We were talking among a group of people when the topic of religion came up. If you've heard the Abbott and Costello routine of "Who's on first?" you'll understand.

Her: I'm a Christian. Are you a Christian?

Me: Not specifically, what do you mean by Christian?

Her: I believe in Jesus

Me: I believe there was a Jesus and his teachings, but I don't believe he is God.

Her: Are you a Jew?

Me: No, I believe in God. I'm a monotheist but I'm not a Jew

Her: So you are a Christian?

Me: No, not in the way you are

Her: I believe that Jesus is God

Me: So the Jews pray to Jesus?

Her: No, the Jews pray to God

Me: So Jesus isn't God?

Her: Yes he is!

Me: So the Jews pray to Jesus?

Her: No, the Jews pray to God

Me: So you don't pray to God?

Her: Yes I pray to God

Me: So you don't pray to Jesus?

Her: Yes I pray to Jesus

Me: So you pray to two deities? I thought there was only one God in Christianity?

Her: There is only one God!

Me: So Jesus isn't God?

Her: Jesus is God!

Me: So the Jews pray to Jesus?...

I have to admit that I drew that out a little because of the fun I was having with her. The end result was that she believed that Jews are the chosen people and they worship God. Christians are meant to worship Jesus and serve the Jews (namely by supporting Israel) and Muslims worship the moon. Apparently God and Jesus are up in heaven sharing a throne, they are individual and yet the same and...fucked if I can figure it out.

Spiritual belief? No way! Political creed? Absolutely! I wouldn't even call it that, it seems more like the symptoms of a mental illness. Fuck, this planet needs a tune up.

Anyway, so am I still involved in the Pan-Aryan movement? No. I will still defend my race against aggressors – I would be silly not to, but the stupidity and bastardry that has infect my race has also taken hold amongst all races. The criminal culture has taken hold of the public face of society and once again the herd allows itself to be corralled in order to make it easier for the criminals to take them to the slaughterhouse.

One day at my workplace we had to get some major electrical work done and six electrical tradesmen came. They seemed to be run of the mill white guys; I didn't take much notice of them as I had things to do. Anyway it was time for their meal break; they sat at the table and started talking while eating. It was then I thought I was at a $2 strip bar; the biggest loudmouth was a guy I will refer to as 'squiggy' (if you remember the 'Laverne and Shirley' show you'll know what I'm talking about). This guy was about 20 stone, had slightly crossed eyes and looked like he hadn't taken a shower for a week. It was another case of people looking as they are, he looked like an idiot and when he opened his mouth he removed all doubt.

The conversation was based around bums, tits, beer, porn and fucking the neighbours' teenage daughters. They were the worst stereotype of tradesmen; you could call them wiggers if you wanted. The thing was that these weren't young men as they were all aged between 40 and about 60. I sat there and saw them eat like pigs at a troff and heard their grunting. The only time they didn't have their mouths jammed with food was to talk about tits. Squiggy sounded like Santa Claus on helium with his "hoi, hoi, hoi...tits!" I swear if I had a gun I would have shot that worthless fucker dead there and then.

I was looking at the herd, when squiggy left the room it quietened down somewhat. During the day I spoke to those guys individually and found that they weren't as stupid as the behaved. I mean the average dimwit couldn't do the work that they did, handling and installing circuit boards and making electrical connections etc. And yet when placed together it was tits and bums time again, the herd speaks.

As a herd they vote in the leftist governments, the same governments that bring in foreigners to shit in the ice cream and piss on their cutlery. For some strange reason they think that it won't happen to them, as though they are in the centre of a herd and it is the stragglers and outsiders that this happens to. As long as it happens to other people, well...then it's not their problem. If they fuck other mens wives and daughters then it's a case of "Hey I'm a stud!" But if someone returns the favour it's a case of "That fucking arsehole muh dikked my daughter! Put him in jail!"

It made me think about those who fought and died to defend the country, if they could come back today and see what they were defending would they have gone off to war? I think about my Pan-Aryan brethren who are either dead or in jail doing hard time, what were they fighting for? So that arseholes like squiggy could reproduce and spread his crass behaviour among future generations? These types of people don't appreciate sacrifice, if I was to tell them about Pan-Aryanism they would be the first to call me a racist, beat me up and then call the police to arrest me.

That day just broke my will; I more or less bowed out from the PA movement and from what I understand most of the guys I knew have too. I suppose the good thing was that I came to realise that I was fighting the symptoms of a disease instead of the infection that caused it. I don't believe that I'm the only one who thinks along these lines, spirituality will prevail over physical differences. I look at 'my fellow whites' who have more faith in government than God, I look at the blind faith they have in the decisions of people who actually want them dead. I look at them and think "You tolerate all of this to preserve a slowly but certainly diminishing lifestyle and yet do nothing to preserve your life or blood?"

In the recent Libyan civil war you had NATO launching airstrikes supposedly to protect civilians which ended up killing just as many civilians if not more than the 'bad guys'. In the name of 'liberation' a stable if autocratic regime was overthrown, and yet at the Tripoli courthouse the Al-Qaeda flag was raised. It seems that NATO and Al-Qaeda are flip sides of the same cheap crass coin of politics, no matter what happens people will sell themselves and accept this coin as payment. They are encouraged to double down on the toss of a coin and wager their children and future generations, gambling the lot on a toss of a crooked coin from the establishment. And as the establishment made the coin it owns the coin, it made the game and its rules. It makes the toss...heads they win and tales you lose.

One thing you should note from Libya is the 'rebel' NTC and its allies (really Qatari and Saudi soldiers in civilian clothing, take them out of the picture and what would the NTC actually have?) went on a 'big jig kill' and hunted down blacks under the pretence that they were mercenaries. The new Libya wants no niggers even if they come from there, Qataris and Saudis are doing what the Klan never even attempted – to rid a foreign country of its blacks. If Arab Semites are the new Klan, then logic follows that they are the new whites. A message to the white middle class yobbos who cheered on the demise of Gaddafi in the pubs and bars in Western cities – Your replacements are ready and you are no longer required.

Ultimately there will only be two groups of people, the faithful who follow the laws of God. And the criminal herd that oppose them.

I don't care about the colours of the cattle - fuck the herd.

## Chapter 11

Come listen to a story 'bout a man called Aleister...Crowley that is. Born Edward Alexander Crowley or simply known as Aleister Crowley (1875 – 1947). I find him to be more legendary than extraordinary; there are people who hold him up to be the best or worst in regards to the occult. I prefer to judge someone by what they have actually done and the reasons why they did it rather than the idle or indeed purposely designed gossip of others. Did I ever take an interest in him? To an extent I did, but not in the fanatical way that others do. I was more interested in him as a persona rather than his occult practices.

Certainly a life that seemed non-stop, he reminds me of what I planned in regards to getting into the occult. To be a cosmonaut of the metaphysical, to touch the void, to truly feel alive in body and intellect. To be shocked and amazed at what I would find, to play games without frontiers and win...but we all know how that ended up. What he really was and what he was made out to be are more than likely not one and the same.

The Golden Dawn and the Ordo Templi Orientis were his training grounds, people who tried and to a large extent have laid the foundations for occult knowledge to be passed on for over the past century. They are the original cosmonauts as far as I'm concerned and just like the space program in its infancy there were mistakes made and men lost their way. But because of their efforts I learned that magic is a science and art, I came to get a concept of cosmology and though I can't explain it in human language that concept is still in my intellect. Yes there have been many other men since the beginning of human history who strived for the heavens and bring forth knowledge of the unknown. But the efforts of these guys of testing the boundaries and packaging the results should not be forgotten, in terms of history they are the most relevant. I certainly won't forget them.

Aleister gave us Thelema and if you want the truth, he also gave us Wicca. Gerald Gardner merely propagated the end product for the most but to be fair he tweaked it with his experiences from living in south-east Asia. Certainly there was 'witchcraft' covens and practices in Britain (and elsewhere) but it was never had any scientific principles or theory attached to it; basically it was sorcery and nothing more.

Do I condemn those men? The likes of Crowley, Gardner along with the types of Jack Parsons and Kenneth Grant? No, they did not start off with a malicious or fraudulent intent. Nor did they attempt such, they just lost their way somewhere but then again it's something that could happen when you attempt to find and touch the void. I was flicking through some of my old Rosicrucian lesson booklets when I found a reference to Liber777. A work of Crowley, I don't have a problem about what Thelema and Wicca originally were but I do have a problem about what they have become. I doubt any of these men would recognise the quackery attributed to their names.

Was Crowley a Satanist? No I don't think so, he just used whatever worked. As for Thelema? I think it is among the lines of Ancient Egyptian beliefs and practices; Moses, the Rosicrucians, the Enochian system, the Freemasons and indeed Thelema all draw to some extent from Ancient Egypt. How did it all start? I don't know and I doubt any human could ever know for certain, we can't time travel. In all of this I would say that Sumeria is a key, but that's just my opinion.

I could say the same for the Abrahamic faiths and indeed all religions, they had to start somewhere. But now they have become corrupted, perverted and hijacked by those more interested in political capital in order to wring a buck than to spread spiritual enlightenment. Is there a true church? The only person who can decide your status with God is you, your body is the temple and your intellect is your minister. By the way...It costs you nothing to believe, pray or else speak to God, paying a professional full time preacher to do it on your behalf is called 'simony' I believe.

Anyway Aleister had a friend called Jack Parsons and he in turn made acquaintance with a man named Lafayette Ron Hubbard. Aleister didn't like or trust Lafayette despite never meeting him and warned Jack that this Lafayette would rip him off. Upshot being that Lafayette (or L.Ron) ran off with Jacks' mistress and married her. He then used a mish mash of what he learned from Jack as some sort of creed and went to found the Church of Scientology (which is only a church for taxation purposes). And then things just got plain silly from there.

You may read everything I've written so far and say "This is bullshit! Fine don't believe me; I'm certain I said that earlier. Where did I get that attitude from? Drum roll please...Aleister Crowley! He said the same thing and that is why his writings have confusing if not ridiculous passages and sentences in them. Why? Because people would scratch their heads and think "WTF!?" and this would propel them to do the research for themselves and in doing so they would better comprehend what it was they were learning and doing. You want to shoot me down? Go ahead, but have something better to offer in place of what I've written.

If people would question my words and motives (and I encourage this) then why won't they do the same of others? I see TV preachers giving some story on how Jesus talks to them and asks them to ask you for money. Do I believe them? No fucking way! Am I calling them liars, well seeing as I have never met these people I don't know their true beliefs or motivation. They may be true or they could be mentally unstable or they could simply be flim-flam men who enjoy the good life. But they're not taking my money or taking my time and I don't really have a need to find out. If you want a yes/no answer? OK, yes they are bullshit artists.

But I make the same claim against Muslims with their illiterate Pakistani mullahs claiming that Jihad against white people is the way to God, as well as the dumbass disposable brown supremacy stooges that follow them. Jesus wants your money, Mohammed wants you to kill white people, Noah wants you to kill or enslave non-Jews etc. Sure...I'll believe them if they believe that I get messages from Elvis in my alphabet soup. Nothing to do with God but everything to do with political capital.

Scientology is still going, why? Anyone remember the group 'Anonymous' which came to prominence after it declared war on Scientology? I was a 'member' (so you could say but it never had a membership) of Anonymous. There were times when it seemed that scientology was on the ropes and all it needed was a good right hook to send it down for the count, so what happened?

It was hijacked by leftist and atheist interests, now the ex-scientologists who were a guiding force behind the movement have been sidelined. Anonymous fell into the trap of trying to mean everything to everyone (certainly on the left side of politics) and ended up meaning nothing to no-one. Much like Facebook has become a hunting ground for criminals and perverts so too has Anonymous to the extent that it pretty much exists in name only. The one in Sydney (or what's left of it) became overrun by leftists, pornography interests and militant gay rights activists and there were rumours that some criminals had signed up just to get info on the members in order to sell it to the scientologists. Political capital...yeah...Does it pay well? I don't know? But it doesn't deserve to.

But in the grand scheme of things it's neither here nor there, or could it be? I'm not worried by scientology; they are more of a threat to their believers than anything. Just another godless creed cum ideology cum faith cum fraud as far as I'm concerned. However it does demonstrate a practice of the worst cult of the lot, not so in its 'gods' as you can chop and change as you wish. You can make up your tenets and adhere (or not adhere) to the principles and morals of your 'religion' as you wish. What is that religion or practice I hear you say? It is Baalism.

How do I describe it? Well, I can use an example such as L.Ron is the 'baal' of scientology because to his adherents (stooges? victims?) there is no higher authority than him. Sure he is long dead but he lives on in the minds of his faithful, "I with him and he in me" (sound familiar?), a collective consciousness 'we are all L.Ron!'

Baal just means "master" (there is a demon named Baal but that is a separate matter) as in someone of a higher authority. I've read in the Bible how there was a Baal on earth who was worshipped as a god. Most probably there was but he would have been a mortal – a 'man-god'. Depending on who you go by, Baal was a son of El Elyon (the Most High) and decided he wanted to be worshipped too.

Yep, you can say this describes Lucifer and in a corrupt way can describe Jesus. The big difference is that Lucifer sought to be worshipped and Jesus did not. Jesus gave us the Lords' Prayer saying we should only worship the Father. I think that's right, after all where in the Bible did Jesus say "I am God - worship me!" He never said he was God. He was born of a human and the physical cannot give birth to the spiritual. Jesus was mortal or human in the physical sense. As to where did his intellectual animation come from? I don't know, but if you think that Jesus is a physical human being living in the clouds or in a spiritual realm somewhere then you don't especially seem to know the laws of nature (or thermodynamics and physics for that matter). To say what he was doesn't lessen his mission or message and indeed he succeeded. Born as a man in the physical and ascending to the heavens as the Christ, this is the example we should be following.

I don't have anything against Jesus but sometimes looking at the practices of his followers sometimes makes me wish that Christianity didn't exist. The baal worship they practice puts Jesus in the same category of politicians, celebrities and pornstars and this is not only blasphemous and an act of apostasy but is also plain wrong. And it's not only Christians, the same thing happens in Islam where the hadith (sayings) of Mohammed are more important than the Koran which is the word of God as told by the Archangel Gabriel to Mohammed. Did Mohammed say he was God? Did he say his words were more important than the ones that Gabriel told him? I find that extremely unlikely.

If Jesus wants your money I'm sure he would come and tell you himself rather than get a TV preacher to do it for him. If Mohammed wants you to blow yourself up then he would probably be around to see you with a suicide vest with your name on it. If you follow and obey those who claim to speak on behalf of God, the ones who claim that God told them to shake everyone down for obedience and submission to them. If you follow such people then God is no longer your baal, nor do the prophets become your baal. Instead it is some guy who is seeking to make political capital who becomes your baal. There is one God and one God only, he has no partners and no equals – his unity is one.

There is a difference between being a leader of men and being a master of men. Jesus was a leader, Mohammed was a leader, George Washington was a leader and so on. None of them claimed to own the human species and they didn't pimp themselves as being the only way to salvation within themselves; the prophets were servants of God on this earth in this world of Assiah, they weren't "self-employed"! Those men and others like them were of a far finer calibre than the roaches of today who function on narcissism and a good P.R. spin campaign on TV and other media.

Not only do people have a lack of faith in God but they have no faith in themselves and this is the problem. In the world of the blind, the one eyed man is king. In the world of the herd the cattle dog is king and the rancher is baal. Would you take shit from a cattle dog? People seem to be content with losing a thread a day from their security blanket than risk having it taken in one go. What difference does it make? The end result is the same and the baals of Assiah know this and they will play you for all your worth because they know they have no worth of their own.

Let me ask you in all honesty – If I were to start up a cult, do you think I would get a following? And even if I were just some crook looking to get my dick sucked and make some money, do you think I would get away with it? You may think "but I've read your book and you can't fool me!" But what of others who haven't?

I look at Western people and governments telling the Arab world how it should have 'transparency in government' while taking it away or surrendering it from their own. I say to you if you want 100% transparency in government then you have to have it in your societies. When you do that you take away the sea for the flim-flam men to hunt in. I like the Linux computer operating system because it has 'open software' or 'open source' and it works quite well. In fact the internet which is dominated by Apache servers functions on it. The only problem for Linux is that it isn't headed by one person or baal who can make executive decisions for all its distributions; neither does it have a huge P.R. campaign to indoctrinate everyone. In other words no-one owns 'faith' in God; it is free to all and is meant to be transparent not wrapped up in laws that are more relevant to a business administration.

I'm sure that you could readily find out every scam artist posing as a messiah and you probably know of a few already. If you know something – say something, never stop questioning till you get the answers you can comprehend and understand. I look at scammers like a supposed 'Gnostic' leader who calls himself 'Belzebuub' (like wow dude! I'm a reformed demon...real name Mark Pritchard) and his dealings. Alan John Miller is a whackjob who claims to be Jesus (he aint poor either), big deal you say? But yet they continue to get followers, it may not matter to you now but what are you going to say if they suck in your relatives or those of a friend?

So when these people push 'their amazing wisdom' in your face, don't believe them. Check out their information for yourself and check out who they actually are. Just like "Uncle Frank" on the ouija board may have been interesting to listen to, but would you accept such information on face value? If you wouldn't accept it from a spirit on face value then don't accept it from men. Men have more reason to lie than spirits because they can make physical gain. Just a note: I never found that the spirits ever lied to me, in times that I accepted falsehoods it was because I made assumptions. They never deceived me, I had deceived myself. They just didn't correct me and played the game of semantics on what I thought, just like politicians do to the voting public.

Meh...I throw this in about todays 'satanic' creeds, there is a group known as the ONA or Order of the Nine Angles. They are supposedly a satanic cult but they are more along the lines of the 'Church of Satan', if you want to see psychobabble at its best then read their stuff. Some of these clowns see ritual as a 'psycho-dramatic performance' in other words it is their version of kumbayah and they don't believe it themselves. I only mention it because of David Myatt who was and now probably is a baal of these boofheads. He reminds me of...well...me, he travelled the same path but got caught up in his philosophy of 'numinous' living. I can kind of get a grasp on it, when I found out he abandoned Islam a couple of years ago (he practiced Islam for about ten years) it kind of left me gutted. But I can't condemn him for it; after all did I not do something similar? I don't think he wants to become a baal or at least I hope not. Maybe he is just like Crowley and uses whatever works to touch the void.

If religious organisations not longer wish to be perceived as cults then they must stop behaving as such. Same applies to the adherents of any faith; if they behave as a herd they will be treated and controlled as such. Openness will be for the betterment of all, openness in plain English or any other human language. No Hegelian or Marxist dialectic, no vague terms subject to interpretation by a select few with unlimited power – all that shit has to go. That applies to all aspects of Assiah regardless of who has the most to gain or lose. If you want to gain, first you have to lose. Lose the herd mentality and gain knowledge. I believe Jehovah is the only God and the only God ever. Once you establish a relationship with God and an honest one at that, then everything else will fall into place. That's my advice and you can check it for yourself.

Praise Jehovah and praise his name.

## Chapter 12

When I started out writing this book I didn't know how long it would take or other circumstances in my life that would come about while doing so. I wasn't too sure what I was to do with it when I finally finished, but when would I finally put a cut off date on this? I thought it would be 2011 but things have happened in my life since and I thought it would be unfair not to tell you. So I will add on to this book about things that have happened up till this present time (2013) and maybe I haven't been all that forthright with you on all aspects of my story.

I have been honest with you so far, the things that I described happening did actually happen. Anyway let me continue.......

The most important thing that happened was the death of my mother; she was living in the UK when she became gravely ill. Being in Australia I wasn't with her when she took ill and nobody told me. I believe that it was her doing not to inform us in Australia because she didn't want any of her family to worry. It was only after repeatedly calling her and getting no answering on the phone that I began to worry. A friend of hers rang me and told me that she was in hospital, after making a few phone calls and asking around I finally found out that her pancreas had basically shutdown and she more or less was comatose.

Being on the other side of the world from her the only thing I could really do was magic. Of course I prayed and then spoke to Jehovah asking "why?", I think that we as humans must go into a higher spiritual or consciousness state when these sorts of situations happen. We think and act in ways which we didn't even have a concept of, I suppose it was that which brought me to magic in the first place. The archetypes are there but we just don't recognise or seek them until a certain circumstance arises. We become more open and honest and in doing so we stop denying our natural persona or spirit.

I asked Jehovah what can I do to heal my mother, the answer I got somewhat stunned me. "It is nothing to do with you!" after rather quickly collecting my thoughts I said that it was my mother and it had everything to do with me. Jehovah explained that it was her life not mine, I suppose we sometimes fail to recognise that our parents may cause us to be physical beings in the physical world but they also have their spiritual beings which are independent from us and don't give birth to our spiritual beings for that matter. They have their own destinies and we have ours. So is life 'fixed'? Well it seems to be, certainly as to physical life on this earth. You may ask about 'freewill' but I don't think that we have absolute freewill but rather 'free option' as you can only exercise freewill with the options that are available to you at any given time.

In this situation magic was an option that I had and I intended to do so. I told Jehovah that I was going to do this regardless of the consequences. So here I was in a face off of sorts against God, even when I was a Satanist I never found myself in such a direct confrontation with Jehovah as I found myself now. He pretty much said I can do what I will; sometimes I wonder if other people in the situation I was in just resigned themselves or went into a state of constant pleading. Did others have the same resolve as I did but didn't know how to go about it? The plan or decision of Jehovah was seemingly made and here I was going against it. I didn't know if I was going to get payback for it but I decided this was a case of "all or nothing". Once again I bet everything on the turn of a card.

I set out my planning and it was difficult to say the least, doing magic to or on behalf on someone else is easy compared to doing for someone like your mother. I was in a "all or nothing" situation, the sort where if things go wrong then they really go wrong and if they went wrong it would be all upon my head. I can understand why some surgeons will not operate on family members in life or death situations unless it is absolutely a last resort. More phone calls to the UK revealed things were pretty grim now, my mother was hooked up to machines to keep her breathing and was now comatose – officially it wasn't life support but it seemed more or less that the plane was in a slow death spiral and the ground crew were preparing for the impact.

Time was of the essence and physical results were needed here and now. I decided out of the four worlds I would use Assiah, thing was I had never used that world before. I chose an Angel/God form from the Shem ha-Mephorash and instead of using Kether as the sephira, I went to Tiphareth as it specifically is the sephira to do with health and healing. The colour of Tiphareth in Assiah is amber and I chose the candles of that specific colour, with Assiah you are dealing with the physical world and trying to get a 'here and now' result.

With the other three worlds you have Atziluth (the purely spiritual), Briah (creation or how you visualise something to come about) and Yetzirah (formation or the blueprints if you will). When you just use Assiah alone you forgo the other three and don't have any input in how the end result will come about. You will get your result but it will be quick and dirty.

Anyway I went ahead with the ritual, with other rituals I performed in Briah there is a 'high' or an 'uplifting experience' after completion, a type of joy if you like. With this ritual there was none but a feeling of having a type of completion, I felt like I was filled with concrete but not in a physical way. As though I had become somewhat grounded, in Briah you feel as though a vibe has ascended above you or skywards but in Assiah that vibe seems never to rise above the ground. Something like striking the earth with a rod or like spilling a large amount of water on a carpet, you see the wet area expanding in a circle from where you spilled the water. It seemed my vibe was doing the same thing to cover this planet, I didn't feel as though I had done anything wrong, then Jehovah spoke to me again. "I give you 13 out of 20, you did enough to pass." I was then trying to figure out if I did anything wrong then what was it?

Looking through my notes I began to see what I had done wrong and what I could have done better. And find my mistakes I did, I suppose that I was in such a rush to get this ritual up and running that I didn't fine tune the ritual. But as magic in Assiah tends to be quick and dirty maybe I fell into a characteristic that is native to Assiah and not to myself. Also Assiah is the world of the Qlippoth, as well as to Satan and as well as ourselves. Qlippoth are just 'rebel' spirits and loas also come under that term.

I suppose that by performing that ritual in Assiah I had made a spiritual connection to that world and by doing so the spiritual world of Assiah would or could try and make a physical connection to my physical being. I did get a visitor not long after the ritual, a loa named Marinette. Actually her name is Marinette Bwa Cheche as voodoo practitioners know her I on the other hand prefer to call her Marinette Pied Noir. She appeared to me as a black woman dressed in a manner like a good ol' southern mammy, I was just sitting on my bed and she sat at the end of it. She didn't say anything at first and just looked at me with big soulful eyes much the way a dog would when it knows its master was down in the dumps.

"Marinette? What brings you here?" I asked. She just said I know what you are feeling I know it. It was the manner in how she said it, like that of someone who had been in the same or similar position before. All I could do is think like I was some guy a wife was cheating with hoping the husband didn't somehow find out. I was hoping that Jehovah couldn't see us together, but as we all know he sees everything and knows everything. She went but came back two days later to talk to me about magical matters; she then pitched to me a proposal about a ritual and a murderous one at that. In this I was to kidnap someone I didn't like for whatever reason, dig a hole in a nearby graveyard and bury this person alive standing up facing east and then perform a ritual facing east.

"East? Why east? Wouldn't something like this be performed facing west?" What she told me was something I'd never expected "It is to be done facing east because you cannot oppose order." It made me wonder if loas and other spirits do not oppose order then why is it that humans do? However I decided to end the conversation there and then, no I was not going to go any other way. I trust in Jehovah and that is all that matters, if I were to perform a blood sacrifice ritual it would be for Jehovah and Jehovah only. Maybe Marinette was thinking about herself being the first priority in any arrangement that we could have formed. Just like most people I suppose in that number one comes first. Although Marinette is quite an evil loa in nature her selfishness is no better or worse than anyone else. She came again the next day and all I said was that she go away and never come back, that was the last I saw of her. I do hope she can be reconciled to Jehovah, if someone comes to you in your time of trouble should you not do the same in theirs regardless of their motivations? Anyway...

As for my mother? Well here's how it panned out, seven days after the ritual I got a phone call telling me my other was fully awake, comprehensible, off the machines and actually able to feed herself. I actually got to speak to her when someone brought in a mobile phone into the hospital. Speaking to her everything seemed fine, I asked her how long she was going to be in hospital and all she simply said was "I don't know?" in a somewhat bemused state. I truly thought I had hit the jackpot and was now just waiting for a flight to the UK to see her.

But alas, the ritual took seven days to take effect but the effect only lasted seven days. Anything done quick and dirty doesn't usually last that long, she fell back into a coma and ended up on life support. She died not long after, I thought I was going to heal my mother but I am not a doctor and was not the doctor treating her. All I did was to buy time.

I have used Assiah other times after that and it does work, but the results are 'coarser' than the other worlds.

So what else do I have to mention? Well, there are two other times where I spoke to God so they might be interesting to you. After I took care of business in the UK and returned back to Australia, things were going to change somewhat. I moved into a new area and in a way it was a new chapter for me. I suppose thinking back on Marinette led me to resonate with the 'black sheep' of Jehovahs' entire progeny (well that's what they are). Despite Marinettes' somewhat selfish intentions she was in fact the only entity who appeared to me in my time of trouble with my mother. Whether the ritual she wanted me to perform would have saved the life of my mother I don't know. It was a situation of 'it's better than no-one' I suppose...

Maybe it was my workings with Assiah that made me more in 'tune' with the spiritual world to do with it as well as its inhabitants. Kind of like my 'antenna' was picking up signals from them, as though I was listening in on the same frequency as the spiritual realm of Assiah. For whatever reason I was being drawn more and more to Lilith, she was the first wife of Adam – not Eve. This is a part of mankind that is always conveniently overlooked or ignored.

The message I got from God (I assume? Maybe it might have been some other entity?) was that I was to bring pray and devotion to return Lilith back to the righteous path. That I was to bring this cause to the public and to all people, that I could do so by using 'Our Lady of Czestochowa' or the Black Madonna to do so by making public shrines to her and ask people to pray and make a public declaration for Lilith to return to God.

Did I think I was going mad? I certainly questioned myself but actually no, that made it seem worse. I was wondering was purpose would there be to do this and why should I bother?

The response was 'Have you forgotten this? I excused your actions.' I then saw myself as a 19 year old praying to satan, I mean that I saw a younger version of myself from that time as in out of body praying to satan. It was me - same hairstyle, same skintone, same everything. I didnt know what to think, so I just accepted it.

I went outside to take a walk, trying not to think I ended up doing so. 'I mean....where am I supposed to build a shrine?'

The response? "She likes the water, especially the running water"

As I lived near a river I walked by it on the footpath, there is a ferry pier there and as I was just strolling wondering what was happening to me I stopped at a wall near the pier and while looking over it I looked down below at the sandbank underneath. Behind a large rock for some unknown reason were two candles burning, I could not see any reason for anyone to light the candles and put them there. For what point? Unless you were specifically looking for them you would not have seen them. I was not specifically looking for them because I did not know they were there, well after that what could I say or even think?

I went back home and after thinking about everything I decided that I didn't want this job.

The response: Laughter and "Moses didn't want his job either". I said that I am not a Catholic and that there would be Catholics who would be more fanatical than me to do this, especially as it concerns the Virgin Mary.

The response: "I don't want fanatics, I want someone who can do the job, I know you can do this". As much as I thought about it, rationalised it, I knew that the script has been written.

Freewill is an illusion; your choices are made according to your circumstances and sometimes you don't have a choice. Call it synchronicity or coincidence if you wish, you just happen to know that the end result will occur and you know why and you also know that you cannot change it if you wanted.

I do hope that Lilith and Marinette do attempt to reconcile with Jehovah and I do hope Jehovah can welcome them back into the family on good terms. You may ask what would that change? Well it changes everything; if Lilith and Marinette can be reconciled with Jehovah then would that not also make it possible for Lucifer to seek forgiveness?

As for the other time? I went to an open mic stand up session and went on stage. I think I did alright but I was performing before an audience of gays, left-wingers and other cappuccino set 'artistes' who had come to fanatically cheer the lesbian wannabe comedian (she wasn't all that good doing comedy but was OK if you could use her as a fuck toy).

Anyway I went home and talked to God and asked if I could make a living from doing stand up. I told him I don't get why someone like Adam Sandler is considered funny when he is a shit actor and even worse comic. His fans are morons who could charitably called degenerate. I asked why the Jews control all the entertainment industry; this is what he told me more or less.....

'Macrocosm and microcosm, this world (Assiah) is a stage to me. You are here for my entertainment and this is why I give you autonomy.' He then proceeded to inform me that we are 'actors' so to speak and we play roles. There is a script for all of us as to when we begin our role and when it finishes (destiny), but the action/dialogue in the script is not completely set (freewill).

So that is the bigger picture (macrocosm) and the Jews somewhat understand this and apply it to us in this world (microcosm or little picture). So we are not a willing audience but in fact a captive one.

When you look at it the reason that racial/social/national etc. groups fail is because they care about how they look to other people at certain times when the most important audience watches us 24-7. Suicide bombers are a prime example; they don't give a fuck what anyone says they only care about what God says. He is the audience you want to impress, not a bunch of arseholes who would sell your friendship and dedication for a 6 pack.

When I was speaking to God about my stand up routine, he said I was right to do it because I deserved some fun and then he added what did I do to make him laugh? I couldn't answer because I had not considered it.

And I think that is why most people fail to connect to God, when you think of it our existence in Assiah is like a giant ant farm, for an ant to stand out it would have to do something amazing. Much like pets, they will try to impersonate your behaviour and perform all sorts of tricks to get your attention. You may not approve of all of their behaviour but you will certainly take notice of them, and may change your behaviour to encourage the bits you do like because you will see them differently from any run-of-the-mill dog or cat.

If you just want to eat, sleep, shit and fuck well then you are no better than the average cat or dog and even they have their own personalities. God wants us to amaze him, to bring delight through good and unpredictable actions.

When you look at the world today and the sacks of crap posing as humans well.....the script is pretty predictable. Even Satan thinks that AssiahTV is a shit channel and he's the talent agent for a large amount of actors.

As for any other 'out of this world' experiences I've had since 2011, well I can't offer any that are like the ones mentioned. Maybe I did see other experiences I've had in a different light; again it is fair to say that our lives change due to factors of circumstance and time. And with magic we are attempting to change those circumstances to our personal comfort zone within a certain time period. But sometimes we have to endure certain circumstances because we will learn and experience from them. After all, it's only when we are put into a situation where we don't know what to do that we push our thinking process to seek archetypes that we currently have no concept of.

## Chapter 13

While I'm on the subject of magic I will add the following which I posted as a thread on various boards. I'll just tidy it a bit and add on where necessary...

While recently reading a thread on a site about internet warriors I decided to put this forth because there are some people on the site who want to achieve something against their enemies but are unable to do so due to physical constraints. Anyway you have a right to retaliate against those who wronged you and you have a right to know that which I will tell you.

So what I will do is teach you how to perform magic against avowed enemies of God and yourself and your society. Unlike the 'give us a few hundred dollars and we'll give you a spell' crooks, I intend to show you all aspects of the particular actions I will get you to perform if you wish to.

I want you to understand what you will be doing and why you will be doing it.

Scenario: (so far...)

A loud mouthed pompous baal of sorts is always using every opportunity to slag off at your beliefs and faith. You want to shut him up permanently.

Now to act....

In preparing any sort of attack on an enemy you need intel, including here. But you have to choose your enemies wisely, you have to choose not only the most offensive to all but you should also choose the most likely to chimpout.

"The ones who easily offend and are most easily offended"

You are not only looking to do someone over but also looking to discredit their work, cause and that of their friends/allies.

So far....

1. Pick your target

2. List their allies/friends

3. List any organisations they are involved with

4. And their relationships to these organisations and each other

When you have done this you should review the information without bias, you may find that the person you chose out of a personal hatred may not be the best target. If there is someone else in your list who does more damage to your society regardless of whether they have a high or low profile and whose ruination will be more destructive to their cause as a whole then you should make them your initial target. Remember it's not solely about you, if it were then you should just go and kill them.

Review your targets and list them in priority. Now make listings on the following of the targets....

Full name

Birthday (including time of birth if possible)

Place of birth

Name of parents

Name of spouse and children

Name of grandparents

Why should you do this? Simple...these types of people are all about bloodlines, it is their bloodline they wish to advance and it is that which is their weakpoint. As for the full name it is to do with numerology and gematria, and with birthday it is to do with zodiac factors.

Now once again you review your targets, depending on how much information you can get you have to make a definite single choice....but not just yet.

There is also timing to consider, how soon do you wish/need to do it? Also consider the target zodiac/planetary attributes as well as the attributes of the time you wish to or can only do the ritual required and even attributes relating to yourself. As you see it is not just a matter of abracadabra.

Also you have to consider the flow on or trickle down effects, let's say you wish to kill a politician because they are a bad bastard. Sure you may rub them out but you could get someone even worse in their place. It is not just an airy-fairy thing as you might imagine, you have to do some serious thinking. You will get to know GOD after all...you will petition him...directly! It is he that decides ultimately whether you succeed or fail, not just in magic but all aspects of life.

So you began the exercise with the intention of taking a particular person out but now you have a 'Top 5' or even 'Top 10' of targets. Now you could go with the determination to get the original target regardless of the cost or effect, or you can take a tradesman type approach to do the job you think you would be best suited to. In order to assess the job you can do you have to see what tools are available to you and the tools you actually know how to use.

Toolbox:

Shem Ha-Mephorash

Gematria/Mathematics

Zodiac -Astrology/Planetary factors

Kabbalah

Ceremony/Ritual

Symbolic factors

So I'll use the following texts...

Book on the Shem Ha-Mephorash by Lenain or Papus

The book of the sacred magic of Abramelin the mage

Godwins' Cabalistic Encyclopaedia

You can also use other books which can refer to astrology, herbalism, etc. as you need to. I highly recommend the last book.

Anyway, I'll use this target as an example as for what to do - Richard Dawkins

Now I don't really care if someone wants to fuck him over, I'm just using him as an example. He is way past his 'prime' and nothing more than an unfashionable burnout who is getting wishy-washy about his convictions because it has dawned on him that he will kiss the dirt in a few years or so. Makes you wonder how 'atheist' these criminals are. He shouldn't be all that concerned with what I write if he believes that things like magic are all bullshit.

So let's get to work....

NAME: Clinton Richard Dawkins

D.O.B.: 26 March 1941

PLACE OF BIRTH: Nairobi, Kenya Colony

WIVES:

Marian Stamp Dawkins

Eve Barham

Lalla Ward

CHILDREN: Juliet Emma Dawkins

PARENTS:

Clinton John Dawkins

Jean Mary Vyvyan (née Ladner)

From this we get that he is an Aries and more importantly we get his full name

Clinton = 20+30+10+50+400+70+700=1280

Richard = 200+1+8+1+200+4=414

Dawkins = 4+1+6+20+1+50+60=142

1280+414+142= 1836 which using gematria matches 'Sekhel Mitnotzetz' or 'Resplendent Intelligence'

It is the 10th path of wisdom; it matches to Malkuth which is represented by Earth. Malkuth means 'the Kingdom' in relation to the Tree of Life and the number 10 corresponds to the absolute idea of 'reality'

Now some of you might be wondering why it would take an investigation on a target to make a move against him possible. Well if you want to petition God to take out someone you should at least be correct about who you want to take out.

If you say that you want the English guy Richard Dawkins rubbed out, well which Richard Dawkins do you mean? If you went into a court with unverified evidence you shouldn't be surprised if the judge called you a fuckwit and threw your case out of court.

Looking at the info gathered so far there is no mistake who I am describing (the actual being, he could change his name tomorrow but I still have his birth date and the names of his wives and kid...he cant change that) and in fact I could seek to impersonate him on the net. The net is accessible by the physical computer to the non physical realm of 'the net', after all how do you measure it at any given time?

God helps them that help themselves and you only deserve the reward from the effort you put in. That's why most prayer fails; people put no effort into their prayer and have no consideration for how the result is achieved. You may want a couple of hundred thousand to go to Vegas, so you pray (or demand!) that God cough up ASAP.

Next day you get a phone call telling you that both your parents were killed in a car crash but the life insurance policies will payout soon. Hey you weren't specific about how you got it! Gather up as much info and sort out the factors resulting from it.

Continuing..........

26/03/1941

26+03+1941 = 1970 = 1+9+7 = 17 = 1+7 = 8

No.8 people are said to be control freaks, this matches Dawkins

As I earlier stated "Easy to offend and are easily offended"

Seeing as Dawkins supposedly doesn't believe in this sort of stuff he denies himself the ability to know himself. When you undertake an action like this you seek to know more about a person than they do about themselves.

And when you do you can pre-empt them, success will follow. I mentioned before that Dawkins is an '8' person, not especially important in itself but is a strand to add on. I look at it this way, if you wanted to cross over a large gap and all there was to use was a rope bridge you would want more than one strand of rope holding or forming it. Same could be said for an electrical cord, you would want more than one strand of wire to carry a 240 volt charge. So by looking up every conceivable aspect involved with the ritual and the target we can add strands of wire to the cord. Or in hacking terms it is 'sweating the small stuff'.

Now in the Tree of Life the 8th sephira is Hod, it means 'Glory' it is symbolised by Mercury and is more or less to do with the realm of communication and speed. Again this seems to match up with Dawkins, but he is a godless loud mouthed narcissist and uses his 'birthright' wrongly.

If the pen is mightier than the sword, then I want him to cut his throat with one. A major league chimpout using his 'birthright' to do so to his acolyte audience of God haters and other filth. Off-hand I can think of two ways to destroy his so-called belief in there being no God or as seeing God as an enemy.

1. Make his daughter the target instead of him, when he realises his rotten bloodline and name will be forgotten he will realise what a waste his life has been in the service of evil.

Ok....that really is a bit simple and you don't know what his daughter is really like.

2. We bring Abramelin into it....

http://www.grimoires.com/Abramelin/index.html

Go to the 22nd chapter, now you can pick whatever you want but I'm thinking No.4. The square is a 5x5 (5 letters by 5 letters) and comes under Geburah (the 5th sephira). If you don't know what that means then look it up for yourself!

Quick overview....

We have the following sephira covered....

Geburah - No.5, this is done with the Abramelin square.

Hod - No.8, this is linked with his birthdate and demonstrated by his loud mouth nature

Malkuth - No.10, this is linked via gematria because of the mathematical value of his name

Get a hold of a diagram of the Tree of Life and look at the relation of those sephira to each other. If we manage to factor in Kether and Binah we will have created a path from 1 to 10 using the left hand pillar \- severity.

So let's say we factor in one of the Shem Ha-Mephorash God aspects as the Kether part and make Saturday as the day of ritual to factor in Binah, we could say the chain is complete.

Whoa ace! Don't think it's that easy!

We still have to factor in the 'what ifs' as well as preparing our case to present to God. If it was just a matter of wishing people dead do you think you would still be here?

Now it's time to refer to the Shem Ha-Mephorash to decide which God form in bring into our ritual. There are 72 of them...

http://guideangel.com

Scroll down till you find this text...

"Here are 3 versions of the 72 names in English letters". (there are more ). Now off-hand I have picked the following...

(No.15) God the Creator - Hariel

(No.16) God who erects the Universe - Hakamiah

(No.20) God the Redeemer - Pahaliah

(No.27) God who punishes the Wicked - Jerathel

(No.29) God prompt to aid - Reiiel

(No.41) God in three persons - Hahahel

(No.45) Mover of all things - Sealiah

You can also refer to numbers 53, 71 and 72

As you can see there is a variety to choose from and it also brings in a variety of factors. Each of the God aspects/forms (or Angels if you wish) has a star sign assigned to it and in doing so has planetary factors as well as other factors assigned to it as well.

So you can add more strands to the cord as you need or wish, you should only add the strand if it is absolute. You cannot (or should not) use 'fuzzy math' just to add something on. In fact it would be best to have only a couple of factors which are absolute rather than an avalanche of iffy factors. Keep it as simple as possible and only expand as you gain the knowledge and experience to do so. There are two schools of thought on the astrological aspects of the Shem Ha-Mephorash. This is to do with the order; myself....I see and know Vehuiah to be the first and the astrological sign to be Aries.

Look up the aspects yourselves, you need to discover for yourselves that which is required to be known before you go any further. This you should do because I ain't going to give you a shrink wrapped/no thinking required explanation.

Now let us review our selections in order to decide the timing of the ritual.

You will rarely find everything just happens to fall in place as you want so you have to do some adjusting; it depends on how quick you wish to do it.

We'll go by zodiac signs that are governed by the aspects

God the Creator - Hariel - (No.15) Gemini

God who erects the Universe - Hakamiah - (No.16) Gemini

God the Redeemer - Pahaliah - (No.20) Cancer

God who punishes the Wicked - Jerathel - (No.27) Leo

God prompt to aid - Reiiel - (No.29) Leo

God in three persons - Hahahel - (No.41) Libra

Mover of all things - Sealiah - (No.45) Scorpio

God who humbles the proud - Nanael - (No.53) Sagittarius

God, master of the Universe - Haiel - (No.71) Pisces

Mumiah - (No.72) Pisces

We are looking at planetary influences so we match up a star sign to complement the planets in play that we will be using. Mars and Saturn are good for doing bad things and Mercury is good for speed and just by coincidence they are all found in the left hand pillar of the Tree of Life.

Looking at the zodiac.....

Aries - Ram - March 21 - April 19

Taurus - Bull - April 20 - May 20

Gemini - Twins - May 21 - June 20

Cancer - Crab - June 21 - July 22

Leo - Lion - July 23 - August 22

Virgo - Virgin - August 23 - September 22

Libra - Balance - September 23 - October 22

Scorpio - Scorpion - October 23 - November 21

Sagittarius - Archer - November 22 - December 21

Capricorn - Goat - December 22 - January 19

Aquarius - Water Bearer - January 20 - February 18

Pisces - Fish - February 19 - March 20

It would seem that either.....

God the Creator - Hariel - (No.15) Gemini

God who erects the Universe - Hakamiah (No.16) Gemini

Would be the go if I was planning to do it sometime from May 21 - June 20 as this is the closest timeframe to the present time. But I am more concerned with conflicts and complements between planets and zodiac signs.

Anyway I've chosen....

Mover of all things - Sealiah - (No.45) Scorpio

Reasons being that it the star sign complements the Mars aspect that is needed for the ritual, it also is governed by Pluto if the appropriate zodiac hour (7 am/pm or Scorpio hour on Mars hour = Pluto hour) matches the Mars hour.

Pluto is the planet for transformation

Now we go to this site....

http://www.astrology.com.tr/planetary-hours.asp

So I've chosen 22nd May 2012 (Tuesday) to act and according to the calculator based on Sydney, Australia I get 2 shots on that day.

06:54 - 07:42

19:10 - 20:19

The preferable time is in the morning, the star signs have six God forms assigned to them. Three by day and three by night, Sealiah is a daytime form and is the 3rd of the three.

Dividing the zodiac hour (06:54 - 07:42 = 48 minutes /3 = 16 minutes)

So you have the time from 07:26 - 07:42 to make your pitch directly at Sealiah, you can begin your ritual earlier in the Mars/Scorpio hour but your main pitch should be done in the 16 minutes from 07:26 - 07:42

But it ain't over in calculating planetary times yet....we still have the talisman to do....among other things. The talisman has to be prepared before the ritual at which it will be consecrated. The talisman will be made during certain planetary/zodiac hours.

Lets look at the one I've chosen....

Pretty straight forward...on one side, but what about the other?

This is where we personalise it to the target.

Seeing as the talisman is a 5x5 kamea (magic square) it comes under Mars, so we have the written talisman (or intent) on one side and on the other we will have the numerical values on the other. From this and applying a type of gematria/cryptography we create sigils from the name of the target. This is a type of 'signature' of the occult realm; it could not identify anyone else as a rule and definitely wouldn't when it comes to ritual.

Here is the kamea

The name is Clinton Richard Dawkins

Applying AIQ BEKAR results in this.... (depending on your Hebrew transliteration of non-Hebrew names, you'll have to look up AIQ BEKAR for yourself to get an understanding. It is also called the Kabbalah of the 9 chambers)

You get this...

Or you could use Western numerology....

A, J, S have a value of 1

B, K, T have a value of 2

C, L, U have a value of 3

D, M, V have a value of 4

E, N, W have a value of 5

F, O, X have a value of 6

G, P, Y. have a value of 7

H, Q, Z. have a value of 8

I and R have a value of 9

And you get this...

Although the Aiq Bekar is the preferred system because you used it in the numerology application to his name you should only really apply what you know to be absolute and know how it is to be applied. If you can't explain it to anyone else then how will you explain its use when you are asking God for favour? As long as the procedures you use are in similar vein and do not contradict each other then you should be fine, remember keep it simple within reason. So now you have an idea of what you want written, so when to write it?

You could do it a week before your ritual with the same planetary/zodiac hours. But I want to bring in a calculating effort into it, I want to bring in a Saturn aspect so as to be grinding.

Well Dawkins is an Aries and that sign is in detriment when it interacts with Saturn, so on the 13/5 from 11:51 - 1:00 would be good. It doesn't have to be any specific date, just the aspects of the hours.

So when you work out which hours to do the talisman, then you have to decide how you will apply it. You have to make an effort, show that you are sincere. It is best to get the talisman (or multiples of the talisman) as close as possible in physical proximity to the target or if possible touch him with it on bare skin and preferably without him knowing it.

We have an idea on when to construct a talisman, but in order to put it into practice we need a means of delivering it.

You could touch the target directly if possible, but it is unlikely that you will get such a chance. So you have to deliver or at least attempt to deliver your talisman 'payload' by other means, I came up with these ideas.....

* Postal Mail - If you knew a postal address at which the target would pick up mail you could send the talisman within a letter. The preferable method would be to make the talisman on a blank sheet of paper using an 'invisible ink' made from herbs and other plant aspects assigned to one of the preferred planets. The target would indeed touch it and most likely have no idea of what it is if they could make it out. Get bonus points if you make the 'ink' using infected water/saliva as the base (such as flu)

* Proximity - If you didn't know the targets residential or workplace address but knew the vicinity of them you could place talismans (preferably 'invisible') in that area. Places to do this would be in commercial areas (shopping malls) as well as other areas used by the public in general, much like a poster/leaflet run.

* Cyber - The internet, I believe, can be used in this. A talisman could be made on a word processing program such as Word, then it could be copy/paste into one of those steganography programs and hidden in a pic such as jpeg, bmp, tif or similar file. You could then email it or post it on a forum that you know the target uses.

You get the idea....... Just out of interest looking at Dawkins as the target brings up the following...

The paths involved in doing the spell on Dawkins uses five sephira in addition to 4 other paths. All up there are 9 paths of wisdom involved

1. Kether - Union with God

12. Healing

3. Binah - Vision of sorrow

18. Enchantment

5. Geburah - Vision of Power

23. Talismans

8. Hod - Vision of Splendor

31. Evocation and pyromancy

10. Malkuth - Vision of Holy Guardian Angel

This sort of stuff will most probably only be of interest to those who have an idea about practical kabbalah. But my intention in writing up this ritual is not to kill Dawkins but to break his will. All indications so far says this ritual would be a winner for anyone who wanted to do it, but it would be best to have an extremely good idea about how it works or know someone such as an old fashioned priest in order to carry it out. So we have the High Magic aspect more or less done; now it is time for the Low Magic aspect.

You've seen what the High magic aspect involves; now it is time for the Low magic one. Both High and Low magic are of the same value and complement each other, so what is Low magic? You ever heard of voodoo dolls?

So yes it is time for an arts and crafts class, although you might find this to be childish it is in fact necessary but not compulsory. Remember we are seeking to make as many symbolic links as possible because we are trying to map the non-physical with the physical or 'making the invisible - visible'

So if we are seeking to make a doll we could make one out of anything (they should be made, not bought. Think of it as a piece of art, you put your emotions into it and it becomes physical.)

Myself, I prefer to make one out of a cardboard tube such as one you would get from a paper towel roll. You could download, scale and print a pic from the net for the face of the target. Then you can hand paint the body part or use other printouts.

Looking at the target Dawkins you could even go so far as even to baptise the doll in his name. After all, he has renounced God and in a defacto way has renounced his baptism.

Next you make a coffin for the doll, whether you use an old shoebox or make one is fine out of wood or cardboard it will be fine (don't use plastic/rubber). Next we paint it red on the inside and out, followed by painting five black or a different shade of red or preferably citrine crosses on the outside. One each on the head/foot sides, one each on the lid/bottom sides, now we place the doll inside face down with the coffin facing east. The fifth cross is painted on the left side of the coffin leaving the right side blank.

We then paint five matching crosses in the inside. Five crosses would represent Geburah, another five would bring the total to ten which would represent Malkuth (hence the citrine). Next you get a long piece of black string or wool; you loosely tie knots in the string and tighten it with spite when you finish saying a curse.

The doll and coffin will be present at the ritual along with the talisman/s, during the ritual you will tie the string around the doll. After the ritual you will bury the coffin facing east preferably at a crossroads in a park/nature trail. Even better would be if you did this in an area where the target walked, if he walked upon his own 'grave' physically he would also be doing so symbolically. Think of it this way, a sailing ship needs sails in order to catch the wind (High magic) to make it move. But you also need an anchor (Low magic) to make it stay in a certain place. You are just the captain, success or ruination depends on your planning and decisions for action.

Let's look at our checklist so far...

God form/Angel \- Sealiah

Sephira - Kether

Timing - 22/05/2012 - Tuesday, aspect Mars

06:54 - 07:42 (aspect Mars/Scorpio or Pluto) with specific pitch at 07:26 till 07:42

High magic - Talisman/s

Low magic - Doll/coffin

World - Briah

Some further notes...

God form/Angel \- Sealiah

You can read more about him on

http://guideangel.com/45.html

Myself I think the site is a bit hippy with some of the info but is basically correct. You may wonder what the 221-225 degrees is all about, well that would be the direction you will face when you perform the ritual in...

Kether - This sephira is represented by the number 1 and the colour white.

NB - When you perform a ritual using the Shem Ha-Mephorash you should only utilise the particular God form from the Shem and not mix in aspects normally associated with a particular sephira. In Kether the God name is Eheieh Asher Eheieh and the Angel is Metatron, so we will not be calling on them because we are calling on Sealiah from the Shem.

Now using due east as 0 degrees we go clockwise until 221-225 which would be roughly West South West, this is the direction you will face while performing the ritual. Use a compass to get as accurate a reading as possible. You will have an altar of some sort, depends on what you can get I suppose but anything such as a bedside table or any piece of furniture should be fine as long as you make an effort to clean it up etc. (remember you get rewarded on effort rather than appearance).

A white tablecloth or similar to cover it should be fine, you should also have some white or mostly clothing cleaned and set aside for the ritual. You will also want a white candle or two and some incense, for Kether it is ambergris but I find that incense not associated with other sephira should suffice. Myself, I have never been able to find ambergris so I used a combination of Opium and Frankincense

Timing - Seems pretty much OK, when using the net for these types of sites bear in mind that those doing the calculating may have based their programs for a specific or their specific geographical location, you should compare with various sites and see which time they lean towards as you might have to make an allowance for as much as five minutes.

High magic - Talisman is a Mars kamea so if it isn't to be done in an 'invisible' ink make from herbs/plants associated with Mars then it should be done in the colour red. A red and black (Saturn) combo should be OK as long as the dominant colour is red.

Low magic - Same applies in relation to colour, but I trust that you made both the talisman/s and doll/coffin at the appropriate planetary hours.

World - Briah. The colour representing Kether in Briah is white

Now listen up!

If you think I am going to provide you with a colour by numbers type magic set in which you put in no effort but expect instant answers you will be mistaken.

If you want a shrink wrapped setup which requires no thinking - become a marxist. Have you come to the conclusion that it isn't as easy as it seems?

That it seems like something a priest would do went setting up a Mass?

You may find yourself having to extend your timeframe in which to do something like this, remember who you will be performing for. You will either get an ultimate high or an ultimate low...such as the local bum living in the park screaming at pigeons. Serious stakes in a serious game.

Now it's time to write the ritual. First of all we have to decide what the actual aim of the ritual is. In this exercise I don't aim to kill Dawkins, rather I would have him publicly repent of his apostasy. This ultimately will be good for him and good for others who would give up on such a despicable lifestyle and it will be good for those who avoid contemplating such a decision to serve their ego above all.

Another factor is that I would pick Dawkins to jump ship, let's face it he knows he will be hitting the dirt soon enough. He also isn't as fashionable as he once was, long gone are the days of university bimbos lining up to blow him and the same could be said about the bucket loads of cash he got for writing shitty books.

So first we have to address the entity/persona we intend to ask, that being Sealiah. In addressing Sealiah we are to address by all the names we know him by, this is to ensure that we know who we are addressing. We cannot proceed if we have any doubt about who we are petitioning, if so then doubt will be throughout the ritual...and it will fail.

So we say...

"I call upon you Sealiah, SaALaYA, Samech Alef Lamed, SaALa, Sehaliah, Deus Motor omnium - The God who stirs all men. I petition you to witness and enact on my ritual. I call upon you in good faith, for I am a servant of the Most High. My cause is just, please accept my cause and my rite"

Sealiah also has a psalm associated with him, all the Shem do. For Sealiah it is Psalm 94

"I offer Psalm to you Sealiah."

Now you say the Psalm.

Next you identify who you wish to curse...

"I call upon you Sealiah to act upon an avowed enemy of God and the faithful his name is Clinton Richard Dawkins also known as Richard Dawkins. He was born on the 26th of March 1941 in Nairobi, Kenya Colony. His father being Clinton John Dawkins and his mother being Jean Mary Vyvyan née Ladner. He has been the husband to Marian Stamp Dawkins and Eve Barham and is the husband of Lalla Ward. He is the father of Juliet Emma Dawkins. This is the man that I accuse of being an avowed enemy of God and the faithful. This is the man I ask you to enact upon."

Next we propose how he is to be dealt with...

"Sealiah, I want to see him repent of his atheism, to renounce it completely and disown those who wish to continue with such a despicable filthy lifestyle. O Sealiah I ask that you break his arrogance and break his will and that he publicly renounces his atheism and acknowledges the God of Abraham as the only GOD of all without exception. O Sealiah, bear down on him exceedingly until he does these things. This I ask. Amen"

Next would be another Psalm, it's really up to you to decide. Myself I would go for Psalm 109.

Now we have basically made our petition and now will close the ceremony.

"O Sealiah, may your name be blessed and praised by all. I ask for your help because you can do what I have asked. Will you help? Will you do this for me? If I have offended you in my request please understand that I do not mean to. Let there be no ill will between us if this is the case, if there is offence then I do apologise. Your virtues are just and I trust in your ability, governance, and goodwill. I am faithful to the Most High, the Creator of All. I am true to the God of Abraham. Amen"

After which we say...

"Hail and farewell Sealiah

Hail and farewell The God who stirs all men

Hail and farewell Archangels and Angels

Hail and farewell to all those who have witnessed this ritual

Blessing be upon all of you

Hail and farewell"

Seeing as the Mars/Scorpio or Plutonic hour is 06:54 - 07:42 and the specific time for Sealiah is 07:26 - 07:42 we would be hard pressed to do the ritual within the specific time for Sealiah. As Sun is the next hour after Mars I would be willing to let the ritual spill over into the Sun hour. As for the time from 06:54 - 07:26 I would consider reciting Psalm 119 as that takes about 20 mins. Ultimately you have to tailor the ritual to what makes you feel confident and comfortable. Don't be afraid to experiment, after all you will be putting yourself before God. It is between you and him...not you and me or anyone else for that matter.

Writing out the ritual isn't the end of it, you still have to enact on it.

Learn the Qabbalistic cross and the sign of the Zelator.

Time to act.....

First you have to have the area you intend to use prepared; it has to be clean and as freed up as possible. You will have an altar facing at 221-225 degrees from due East (measure clockwise from East). On the altar you will have either one large fat candle (like from a mass) or two medium sized candles (again like a mass, get the idea?). You will need to have incense prepared, sticks will be fine. You can use a single stick of a hot/peppery incense or five of various scents, i.e. Opium, Frankincense, Eucalyptus, Pepper/Fire, Lemon etc. You should pick those scents that you know and feel are appropriate for this type of ritual and feel comfortable with. If possible burn some frankincense in the ritual area beforehand and sprinkle some salt around the perimeter of the area you will be using.

Ok...the time is about 06:30 and you are waiting for the proper time to begin, what should you do? Have a conversation with God; tell him how much you trust in him and his actions and judgment. Also ask him to deal justly with the person you intend to take action against.

Maybe this will explain what I mean...

"O Allah, have mercy on the soul of the one whose feet I intend to cover with dust this day"

06:54, time to start....

Walk into the area; you will be at the back of the area and facing east. Walk into the centre of the room, have the palms of your hands together at chest level as though you are going to dive in a pool or opening curtains.

Stretch your arms forward and bring your right foot forward as though you are entering through heavy curtains, as you do open your arms open and bring your left foot forward to meet your right. Take a further step forward using both feet; you should be facing East still. Now do the Qabbalistic cross...

Say – Do

"Thine is" - Touch your forehead using your right hand

"The kingdom" - Touch your lower abdomen

"The power" - Touch your right shoulder

"The glory" - Touch your left shoulder

"Forever and ever" - Stretch out your arms, so you are a Y shape

"Amen" - Bring your arms back and cross them over your shoulders, right over left.

"For thou are powerful and eternal O Lord" - Have your forearms and palms raised while your upper arms are kept vertical as though your are making an offering. Now fall upon your knees and put the palms of your hands on the floor and place your forehead on the floor as well. Yes this is the way muslims pray and so did Jesus for that matter in the desert. You now sit up and pray to the God of Abraham AKA Jehovah in a manner that you should have planned out. You may offer psalm or some other prayer, ask for his blessing in this venture. You will want to have an idea of how much time you will want to pray to the East so you will be ready for Sealiah at 221-225 degrees. You won't have the option of having an alarm clock or stopwatch to work by, I never use one as I don't think its appropriate.

When you've decided its time to move, stand up and moving clockwise face the altar. Move towards it but leave enough room to do the sign of the Zelator (look it up yourself).

You can do the sign of the Zelator and then proceed to light the candle(s) (or if it is dark you can light the candles first - don't have lights on). When you light the candles you start with the right one and say "Unto light is added light", then you use the now lit candle to light the left one. Next you light the incense, use the right candle to do so if you are in doubt on how to light them.

You are now ready to perform the rite, don't forget to have your talismans and other low magic aspects you intend to use on the altar. Now you go through the ritual you have written out and planned, to finish you will extinguish the candles - first the left and then the right (a spoon can be used to do this, you can keep it under the altar/table. You cannot leave the altar at anytime during the ritual). As for the incense they can be left to burn out. You give a final salute (Hitler style with your right hand/arm) as you should have done with your "Hail and farewell" at the end of the ritual...I forgot to mention it before.

Now you take a back step with your right foot followed by the left while at the same time 'closing the curtains' in essence reversing how you 'entered the curtains'. Turning clockwise to you face east, go forth to where you prayed before and give a final prayer (Lords Prayer should be fine if you don't have anything special in mind) and say whatever gratitude you feel. When you are finished stand up, bow and exit the space moving clockwise to do so.

That's it, certainly it would be the way I would do it if I was to do it. But this was just a demonstration in an exercise to show people what magic actually involves and how to go about doing it. I originally posted these writings as a thread on downloadpolitics.com and this is the thread if you want to read it.

 http://downloadpolitics.com/showthread.php?28620-Magic-Let-s-play!

And this is what happened with others...

Godlikeproductions - never made it onto the board

Alien-Earth - deleted

LunaticOutpost \- deleted

Religiousforums \- deleted (and they have directories/sections that deal specifically with magic) and I was banned from there for supposedly trolling.

Brawl-Hall – put into its 'dumpster' board and renamed 'shit thread'.

The deleted threads did not last 24hrs on each site, they were all gone within 12hrs

What the fuck are they scared of?

That Dawkins might be offended????

What the fuck is that burnout going to do? I think he would be more worried about real fanatics wanting to kill him than me using him in a written demo.

I suppose it's a case of celebrity is more important than truth.

## Chapter 14

Here I am going to give my opinions, sure I've done that throughout the book but here I don't really have my story to tell. Maybe my opinions are based on my life experience but isn't that true for all of us? Also there are the experiences of others which can be taken into account, when we do we then take our judgment of true or false as well as right and wrong into the way we view the world. Again, time and circumstance play a part and this forms our opinions. We all have opinions which we hold true until time and circumstance decides our judgment for us. We can hold fast what we know or at least believe to be true, but we can also change our thinking or have it changed for us. The way that our opinions are changed is either by the will of another thinking entity whether it be human or otherwise. Or it is time and circumstance. So let me put forward my opinions and things for you to ponder and yes I may be repeating myself from earlier. Although I probably did start this book in order to tell you about Satanism and to dispel the myths, hype and misinformation about it, maybe I was hoping to dissuade others from stumbling into it like I did. If you are thinking this book should be altered to be strictly an anti-Satan tract, then I think you could find plenty of those on the web. Do I think that Satan is the cause of all misery in this world? I will not say an absolute yes, remember Satan only offers the choice of evil but humans enact upon it by committing acts of wickedness. Remember I told you that Satan is a stakeholder in this world of Assiah and that Satan (Ha-Shatan or The Satan) is a title. As far as I know Lucifer holds this title and everyone is entitled to a shot at the title.

Same applies to God for it too is a title, if you want to declare yourself to be God...well that you can do. But to declare yourself God and being God are two different things, but look at our world we have plenty of arseholes who believe that they are God or at least behave as if they are God or gods. These people are narcissist to say the least, and most certainly are sociopaths as well as 'atheist' for the time being. Even Lucifer has all manner of these same egomaniacs going after his title; you have the Church of Satan dropkicks who think they are all Satan in their 'subconsciousness'. You have the over hyped Order of the Nine Angles pretty much falling for this crap as well. If you want to be a Satanist you have to be theistic, to call yourself a Satanist under any other description makes you just an atheist with a bad boy image. It also makes you just another member of the herd and it shows you to be incredibly stupid.

Why do people fall into such behaviour? The type that makes you fall into general groups that define you as pro-God or pro-Satan or atheist or following a religion that ends up serving a purely political end on this world of Assiah. Or has you believing that pixies, elves and fairies can do magic for you if you only just believe that or just believe until the next 'spiritual fashion' comes along. What makes people section themselves or allow others to do that for them? I believe that it is a lack of confidence, a lack of confidence in God or themselves. Humans on this earth have no confidence because they have no foundation, how did we get here? Why are we here?

How about I put this forward, in the Old Testament we have the story of the rebellious angels who along with Lucifer were expelled to the earth. We also have the story of the Igigi and Annunaki from Sumeria. Is it at all possible that we are those fallen angels and that we were given human form in order to rehabilitate ourselves? I don't know if any of us will ever discover the answer to this while we are mortal human beings, our memory to do with this earth is physical and if we believe that we are purely physical then we will believe that we cannot have any memory of our pre-physical being. Could we be continuously reincarnated until we learn the lessons and behaviour required to return to the spiritual realms? I once asked a demon where did we as humans originate from, as in being spiritual entities. I never got an answer, it seemed like the lack of answer wasn't out of arrogance or contempt but more like fear.

So if we are rebels in human flesh and have chosen amnesia in regards to anything spiritual in this world of Assiah, would that explain our 'disbelief' in regards to anything else but this world? People make a choice in regards to spirituality, whether it be through a lack of confidence or simply giving in to the will of others individually or else groupthink. They have chosen to become stupid and more correctly have become willingly stupid. Maybe you remember as a small child your imaginary friends or you see today the tales small children tell about imaginary friends. And what happened? You were told these 'friends' did not exist and you would have seen the actions of adults telling their children these friends don't exist.

Children interact and seemingly learn from these 'imaginary friends', if they are figments of the imagination then where did they get their personas from? It's fair to say that the personalities of these friends are not clones of the child. If you say that this is a trivial and sad thing to mention then consider this, you have self appointed 'baals' telling you that God doesn't exist. And even though people may feel a connection to God, they willingly dismiss that so they will be 'on the bandwagon' with the current trends of groupthink. People no longer live real lives in their mind and body; they've given that up for their worship of the baal of the week. No temple is necessary as long as the baal gets air time on the TV.

It is easier for the baal to indoctrinate the willingly stupid by TV as no thinking is required. The music industry is the same, how many talented musicians go ignored in favour of the talentless hacks who make it big because of air time on the TV? I thought music was meant to be listened to instead of seen. Everyday it seems that another 'man-god' tries his or her luck to be a self appointed saviour of some sort, it is not leadership as leaders seek to bring everyone together to strive for the greater good of everyone as a whole. The baals only strive to promote themselves because they see themselves and their comfort zone as being the greater good.

I saw a segment on a current affairs TV show about sociopaths, some guy who studied such people said 1 in 25 or 4% of the Australian population are sociopaths. That probably is a fair assessment; if it applies to Australia then presumably it applies to every other country. He said that we only hear about the bad ones who commit murders etc. but most of them have flooded the corporate world where they are in the position to exercise power over others. When you hear the stories of psycho bosses and supervisors that also seems to be a fair assessment.

So I ask this question; What percentage of a countrys' population is atheist at any given time? Is it constant or is it increasing? Same question applies to sociopaths, when you consider the garbage that passes as entertainment these days on television with the central themes being around crime you have to wonder. It seems that the baals of the television industry have their own bandwagon or groupthink, decades ago it was the thief or counterfeiter that was the 'bad guy' in any television show regarding crime. Now it is the serial killer or pedophile or some other sexual deviant.

It's only TV, big deal you say? Look at societys' attitudes, as these sorts of television programs become mainstream we see people such as serial killers as being 'something that happens' and being a pedophile is no different than being the village idiot in that every suburb has one. As for violent sexual deviants if you are the victim others will say "Oh well, shit happens" and if you are not you will most likely be the one saying it. Now it seems acceptable for these things to happen, if not acceptable then expected. Why? Because it was on TV. People somehow forget (or choose to forget) that those characters are portrayed by paid actors who play a part according to a script. They play a part, get paid and then go home and think nothing further of it. Whereas the viewers (or addicts) live their lives based on whatever show they have been watching. They take it as being portrayal of the way life is supposed to be. Why? Again because it was on TV. An actor may play the part of an idiot, but he only does that for a short period of time and he gets paid for doing so. The likes of TV soap opera addicts do this 24 hours a day and they do it for free. And somewhere some baal revels in the power he has in turning people into brain dead drones who have more or less lost touch with reality. An education for death, in this world and the next.

So are atheists and sociopaths one and the same? That's a really hard question to answer or even contemplate. I only use the term 'atheist' to describe the likes of anti-theists, misotheists, maltheists and dystheists in one go. As I said before how can you hold a personal hatred for something you say doesn't exist? It does seem to be that people will say one thing and believe another at the same time and now this has become an acceptable behaviour.

Even though naturally born sociopaths may be the exception rather than the rule, their behaviour is becoming less and less the exception among all manner of people – almost like a virus really. Let us say that a sociopath is a purely physical being without a soul or spirit and has no concept of conscience. Instead it only imitates the actions of others and only seeks to preserve itself as a physical being because it has no concept of any other form of existence. Atheists however do proclaim that all humans are purely physical beings without any spirit or soul. Not only do they proclaim it, they also propagate it. Essentially they are seeking not only to make being a sociopath a lifestyle choice; they are also seeking to enforce it.

Atheists also claim that 'science is the answer for everything' and that any form of belief or faith in the metaphysical world is not only wasteful but also a mental illness. If physical science is the answer to everything then it should be possible to make a robot that can perform all manner of physical human activities. The 'thinking' of such a robot could be done by a mathematical program, but as for its conscience it could only be programmed to imitate others. It could have no original conscience of its own and even if it were programmed to display such a thing it would only have the options that the programmer has made available to it.

Is it at all possible for someone with a soul to willingly discard it? It is certainly able to behave in such a manner to more or less be accepted as a sociopath of some sort. I remember many years ago when I was a Satanist coming across the works of Dr Joseph Chiappalone MD. He is a Gnostic who believes that Jehovah is some sort of evil demi-urge and that there is a 'true god' somewhere. While I strongly disagree with his view of Jehovah I do think he is on the right track with his view of the type of human beings there are on this planet. He describes people as being "True beings" that are made from "Permanent Atoms" or they are beings made from "Non-Permanent Atoms" which are then divided into two categories of "Robots" or "Demons". The robots have a false consciousness and the demons have a pure evil one. See his writing for yourself...

http://rense.com/general95/gnos.htm

He also has a go at the new age scam artists claiming to be 'gnostic'. As I said I believe he is wrong about Jehovah but he is on the right track concerning the type of people on this planet. If science is the answer to everything as atheists claim, then surely they could have discredited him by now. They can't even prove evolution, climate change or whatever yuppie groupthink cause of the day is.

When you consider the amount of people choosing or being conned into discarding their conscience everyday maybe the 144000 mentioned in Revelations doesn't seem that extreme after all.

If you want power over yourself it has to come from within and not by taking it away from others. People try to excuse any situation by exclaiming "well it's not as bad as..." The situation of good or bad is just a matter of comparison as far as most people are concerned now; if you are in bad circumstances then you should seek to change them of your own accord. Sabotaging the lives of others in order to make a favourable comparison to your circumstance isn't a demonstration of positive power but rather negative power. But even then it is not even power because you would be more concerned with the perceptions of others instead of improving yourself. The audience would have the power because they are directing you and it's their perceived standards that you are trying to live up to. In this you've gained nothing and discarded power from within yourself in order to try and gain the groupthink approval of others.

When we are in a bad circumstance we should seek to buy time in order to change that circumstance and magic is a way to do this. Only you can decide what is appropriate for you. Maybe you want to go along a spiritual path, if so don't go the way of wicca type sects and gurus just because it's readily available. Especially the type that demand extortionate sums of money or demand that you take your clothes off for them, to do so compromises your principles and your dignity and after you've done that what is there to gain? Rather you would spend your time in that sort of set up trying to regain what you already had.

If it seems wrong then question it, derail the groupthink gravy train. You may wonder why the whackjobs of the world seemingly rise to the top of society; it can be explained by this saying "Bastards help bastards!" and that they do. Our societies now have become plutocracies which function as kleptocracies and the currency which everyone gets paid in is misery.

We are told that goodness is limited but misery is in abundance. This is simply not true; there is plenty of goodness about if we learn how to recognise it. The reason we cannot recognise it is because unless it has a money value then it is worthless. That is the herd mentality and as I've said as a Satanist and still say as one who is faithful to Jehovah.

"I don't care about the colours of the herd...Fuck the herd!"

Anyway I could go on and on, but then again where would I finally end this book. I think I've given you enough to read, although it probably been a bit disjointed. As I said – Don't believe me, if you have doubts about anything I've written then check them out for yourself. Don't just take my word for it; you have a brain so use it. Next bit is just pics, if you have the entire pdf rather than reading this book online or on a floppy.

Oh...did you want my email address?

leon_fourteen@y7mail.com

At age 12 - the epitome of evil?

Entrance to underground canal (Belmore South)

A section of 'Blood Alley' from Cup and Saucer Creek, it went from Bexley Road (Campsie South) to Flora Street (Lakemba). This is where sacrifices were performed

At age 21 and at my satanic prime. Did you expect Marilyn Manson?

At age 22

Underneath the railway bridge over the Cooks River between Canterbury and Campsie. Animal skulls and bones were stashed in the trench (deeper and bigger at the time) between the river bank and brickwork of the arch.

## Addendum

In January 2015 I became a Christian, no big deal here as many people become Christians for varying reasons. And I suppose in my case I should explain to you why this happened. It happened like this, I was praying to Jehovah and just engaged in conversation about Christianity (not that this happens all the time, rarely actually...). I don't know how but the issue of Christianity came up, though I think the reason being that an increasing number of people who delved into the occult had 'come out' about what they were involved in.

Myself? Well I wrote this book to inform others that the occult world does exist despite what 'hip trend' atheists might say and the fanaticism with how they say it. I can't force people to accept what I write and don't really care to, I can only tell others of what I've experienced and hope they can relate to it and learn from it.

As the IQ levels of people drop and stupidity is celebrated, I was hoping that I was not the only person to ask "Why is this happening?" And indeed I am sure that I am not, but your words no matter how correct and genuine they are seem to be of no value unless you are a celebrity of some sort or else obscenely rich. The world has devolved into 'herdthink' with an inner herd (celebrities, mega-rich, etc.) and the outer herd (you) which is governed by the 'humanist spirit' of political correctness.

I said to Jehovah, "Why do you want me to help them for? Their lives mean nothing." To which he answered "You answered your question", I said I would help those who were willing to take in what I had to say and would otherwise leave it at that. I didn't want to become a Christian due to the following factors, the first being the 'sunshine, lollypops and rainbows' fairytale type beliefs that they seem en whato display in public (whether they had these beliefs in private or not? I don't know.). The second being the 'prosperity theology' creed that churches seem to be increasingly peddle, if you don't have the money for 'tithing' then don't come to church (I suppose if you do have the money then if can be asked 'why aren't you at the nightclub/casino/horse races/etc. instead of at church?').

And I suppose the most obvious being that a lot of so called Christians don't know or actually care to know what it is what they proclaim to believe. If you don't know what you 'believe' how can you improve on that belief and how can you prevent corruption and malevolence from infiltrating your faith? And indeed taking over it? The increase in popularity of prosperity theology churches which function as disco clubs are examples of this corruption, even worse the acceptance of these social club businesses (which is what they are) by self proclaimed 'christians' (maybe xtians would be more appropriate to call these people as Christ never gets a mention with them) as being the 'mainstream'. So with my 'newfound Christian faith' I went around and looked at different churches - I didn't realise how bad the situation was.

So I asked Jehovah what I could do about this, I just didn't know. I said all I could do to prevail with my trying to educate people about the occult but quite frankly I did not want to do this. He said "I'll give you this.' in an instant I had a picture within my head of how Jesus Christ is indeed 'God'. Now you may think that when a message is conveyed to you by God that it is done with a rolling thunder voice just like something you see on TV, but that is just something you see and hear on TV and brought up by paid man made imagination and nothing more. God will speak to you but will convey a message to you by aesthetics, after all is not a picture worth a thousand words?

The picture I got was this: The application of the 4 worlds is valid, in the world of Atziluth (the world of Emanation) is the realm of what we know as the Holy Spirit (not Holy Ghost because that would imply that it is of a dead mortal being). In the world of Briah we have the realm of Jehovah otherwise known as the Holy Father (the pope has no right to refer to himself by such title). In Yetzirah we have the Christ aspect and in Assiah we have the child of the Virgin Mary who we commonly know as Jesus Christ.

It goes like this; in the beginning we have the Holy Spirit who gave creation to Jehovah the Holy Father. Who in turn gave formation to Christ who was molded to be within the human form created within the child whom the Virgin Mary gave birth to. The child we know as Jesus Christ was and is a God aspect with a human nature, the human nature was necessary so we could relate to him on a personal basis. The God essence was never broken and is continuous in all 4 worlds, the autonomy that is granted within the 4 worlds is what makes us perceive this singular essence as separate beings. Even though the God of Abraham has different aspects as we can conceive those aspects in the 4 worlds, the fact is that he is a continuous essence without any separation and his unity is one.

I asked God what I should refer to him as, he said "Christ Jesus of Bethlehem and Nazareth". The reason being that the Christ aspect (Yetzirah) came first, the human aspect of Jesus (Assiah) came after. The Bethlehem part came about because it is where both aspects came into this world as one at the exact same time, and Nazareth is where he resided and enacted his destiny. By saying and indeed praying to 'Christ Jesus of Bethlehem and Nazareth' you could not be describing or addressing anyone else in all known history and time. I suppose you could say 'Christ Jesus of Bethlehem and Nazareth of Tebhel and Chesed of Malkuth in Assiah' if you really want to be picky.

If you just want to pray to 'Jesus' then you could be describing anybody. Plenty of guys across the world named Jesus; there is also the imitation 'Lord Jesus' of the Sananda 'higher masters' scammery that you would associate with fluffy new age cults. There is also a 'Cosmic Christ' within that mix but the only people who are getting scammed are the willingly stupid who follow that crap and the average halfwit who goes along with it just to be 'tolerant'. Don't make that mistake, now you know why the education system is more about indoctrination and dumbing down so everyone is on an equal level... well everyone apart from those who are running this spiritual euthanasia cult. And if those who are running these indoctrination schemes do not realise that they are serving the likes of Moloch then they are just as stupid as those who they indoctrinate, if not actually more stupid.

So yeah there it is, what you have heard about Jesus Christ being the God aspect in Assiah is true and indeed the psalms of the Bible do work in Kabbalah rituals (as I have used them myself). So I will tell you the only God is the God of Abraham, address 'Jesus' by his proper and complete name and title that being Christ Jesus of Bethlehem and Nazareth. Make an effort to learn the Kabbalah, especially the practical Kabbalah because when you start making an effort with these things you will no longer be like the willing victims that make up the herd.
