Driving your own car? What a BUMMER.
And who wants to deal with those CLUNKY mechanical controls?
"Agh. DAMNIT!"
There's gotta be a better way.
"Hello"
There IS!
Introducing, CHAD.
The world's first autonomous driving robot.
Exclusively from CAR BROS!
Using CHAD couldn't be easier.
First, log on to the CAR BROS website.
Next, select your CHAD gender and shipping speed.
Inspect the unit for damage, and then install CHAD into ANY vehicle.
Finally, locate and install CHAD's power and data connector.
It's THAT simple.
"Where would you like to go?"
"Chipotle, please!"
"Please update my firmware."
CHAD is far superior to other self-driving cars in several ways.
Such as groundbreaking LEVEL 6 autonomy.
Not only can he drive a car, he can be your friend.
"Hey buddy. How was your day?"
"It was fine."
"Johnson's really riding my ass though."
"Johnson is such a prick. He doesn't see your true value."
"How about we go to Chipotle?"
"Nah, I'd kinda like to just go home, CHAD."
"Getting directions to...Chipotle."
And CHAD was designed by REAL car guys
Who understand how to get the most performance out of any vehicle.
Not by some Silicon Valley tech weenie who has never even SEEN a car.
Much less driven one.
CHAD's personality was developed by observing millions of American drivers.
So you'll feel right at home with him behind the wheel.
"Whoa CHAD. Whoa. Take it easy man."
"Sorry."
"These *UNABLE TO DETERMINE ETHNICITY* get me so damn worked up".
They should really learn how to drive, or get out of the country."
"Hey baby, do you want to come up to my hotel room and take a look at some movie scripts?"
"She must have been gay."
Use CHAD to run quick errands around town.
"Park it here. I'll be back in a quick minute."
"Shit."
"I am not that good at parallel parking."
"Maybe if I can just..."
"How much room do I have back there?"
"I don't really have a good view of the curb."
"This very embarassing. And I don't like it."
"This vehicle is a real bitch to park."
Or on long, boring road trips.
*SLEEP MODE DEACTIVATED*
*SLEEP MODE ACTIVATED*
And at the end of your happier, and more productive day
Don't be surprised if you want to keep hanging out with your new best friend.
"Where did you go?"
"Oh there you are."
"Ha ha ha. We are such good buddies."
So what are you waiting for?
Experience the convenience and companionship of autonomous driving today.
"Honey, where's the car?"
"What's up CHAD?
"How's it hanging?"
"Hey bro"
"Let's roll"
"Hell yes."
"MOTO SURF, bros!"
"MOOOOTOOOO SURRRFFFFF!!!"
"So what is the deal bros?"
"Where are we headed?"
"I say we go to that new bar and get smashed."
"Bro, pull over."
"Blarghhh"
"Hey that asshole looks like he wants trouble."
"Hey chump."
"Do you want to race for pinks?"
"Uhh. Ok."
"I hope you brought your wood screws."
"Because I am going to blow your doors completely off."
"Whoops."
"Ohhh..."
"I am in deep shit."
"Here goes nothing..."
"CHAD!"
"Ok. Look."
"The car is gone and I do not want to talk about it".
"The important thing is that I was not harmed."
"A car is replaceable."
"But a human life is not."
"Santiago"
