Get Your Happy On Again!

 Ex-Free: TM 9 Keys To Freedom After Heartbreak 2nd Edition © 2014 Troy Byer

All Rights Reserved. Troy Byer grants no assignable permission to reproduce for resale or redistribution. This license is limited to the individual purchaser anddoes not extend to others. Permission to reproduce these materials for any other purpose must be obtained in writing from publisher except for the use of brief quotations within book chapters.

Ex-Free TM and TroyByer.com TM creator and founder, Troy Byer has added value to the material herein through unique, creative and original selection,expression, arrangement and classification of information. TroyByer.com embodies the 9 Keys offered in The Freedom Series Books.

ISBN-13: 978-0-9801763-4-6 ISBN 10: 0-9801763-4-4

© Logos, Images courtesy of Troy Byer

Editors: Ilana Spector, Lauren Krom

Cover Design: Arbëresh Dalipi

Book Design: Roselle Kipp

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Published in the United States of America.

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Contents Foreword ........................................................7 Introduction....................................................9 1. Make Pain Your New Best Friend............ 15 2. Your Crutch Is Just A Crutch .................. 27 3. You Are Not Your Circumstances............ 37 4. Know The Boat You Float....................... 47 5. Find The Treasure You Hunt .................. 63 6. The Power Of Agreement........................ 73 Check in Point.............................................. 81

7. Empty Your Bucket ................................. 85

8. Create The Labels That Work For You ... 93

9. You Complete You ................................ 103 Freedom Action Plan Journal...................... 109 Closure ....................................................... 153

"Medical Research confirms that heartbreak and mourning are veryserious health hazards and should not be left to fester in the unconscious."

\- Ginette Paris, Ph.D.

Foreword

In inspiring and uplifting terms, Troy offers her readers a time-tested 9-Key formula thatshe has successfully applied in her own life for releasing painful wounds that result from theloss of a love relationship. Her compassionate and wise approach will teach you how togracefully move into the future, fully open to its infinite possibilities and equipped with theinner freedom to embrace them.

The beauty of Troy's 9-Key formula is that it does not deny the pain that accompanies theloss of a love. In fact, her method encourages practitioners to turn pain into an ally by usingit to accurately gauge the degree of pain as well as the degree of healing as it progresses. You will be put in touch with the empowered part of yourself that invites you to become a moreloving and realistic person in all of your relationships, especially with yourself.

Brimming with practical practices, you will learn how to recognize, reframe, gently access,and release deep layers of emotional holding. This practice is vital to the fulfillment of yourdesire to live a new, vibrant life because unaddressed hurts continue to draw into yourmagnetic field people and circumstances that create similar painful lessons so transformativehealing may be set into motion in your life.

When Troy first began attending classes at the Agape International Spiritual Center in Los Angeles, California I instantly recognized her wonderful spirit and commitment to practicing the universal wisdom teachings of the ages. Drawing on her experience with various spiritual practices, Troy lovingly walks her readers through the doorway ofawareness to the joys and wealth of recognizing and experiencing healthy, meaningful, mature relationships.

Wise are those who look to an experienced guide who compassionately yet firmly offers thewisdom of their own journey for releasing, healing, and transforming their lives. You hold in your hands just such a book, because its author walks her talk. Read, practice, heal, andtransform, because all that you need to do has always been and always will be right withinyou, and Troy's 9-Keys To Freedom will activate that potential.

Michael Bernard Beckwith Founder and Spiritual Director,The Agape International Spiritual Center

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.When you figure out which it is, you will know what to do."

\- Michelle Ventor

Introduction

"The brains of people deeply in love do not look like those of people experiencing strongemotions, but instead like those of people snorting cocaine. Love, in other words, usesthe neural mechanisms that are activated during the process of addiction."

\- Dr. Young, Rutgers University

Although I am grateful for science's current and innovative insights regarding love, I did not have to wait for science to confirm that, as a force, love embodiesthe power of one of the world's most addictive drugs. As a young girl, nearly allthe adults I admired were continuously yearning for lovers that no longer wantedthem. It both troubled and saddened me to see people I loved get "strung out"on one relationship after another. Further, regardless of the abuse experienced orthe neglect endured, more often than not, my role models wanted their exes back

– at any cost.

At the time, in my pre-adolescence opinion, the only explanation to justify theirapparent desperation was stupidity. As a result, I wanted to help them; I wantedthem to stop obsessing about their exes until they fell in love with the next personthey met. More than anything I wanted them to realize they were repeating thesame break-up and yearning process again and again.

Unfortunately, my wants were no match for their need, which I later learned hadnothing to do with stupidity and everything to do with addiction. I also soon learned rejection is the gateway to obsession. Obsession is the gateway to possession. Possession is the cause of addiction. When we must have somethingor someone to the extent that we cannot live without that thing or person, we are addicted.

By the age of eleven, due to my mother's addiction to love and her revolving doorof men, including eight kids by eight different men, I became a ward of the state.After nearly two years of living in foster homes, I moved in with a man neithermy mother nor I had heard from or seen in ten years. He was my mother's first husband. He was the ex that truly broke my mother's heart. He was my father.

Moving in with my estranged father, his wife, and my two half-brothers wasculture shock for me. They were a normal family. They took care of each other, ate meals together and genuinely loved each other. I sat beside my new family at every meal, however, I never felt I belonged with them. Their family bond hadbeen established long before I arrived, and as a result, at best, I felt like a long-term visitor.

Witnessing my father's family and their unity made me even angrier towards mymother. As I watched my father lovingly interact with his current and seeminglyperfect wife, I harshly judged my mother and her inability to get over my fatherthe way he had clearly gotten over her.

I resented my welfare-recipient mother for not providing a similar family structure for my siblings and me. Most of all, I was angry with her for giving mea front-row view of the life I would never want for myself – hers.

Living with my father was no walk in the park, and as I grew into a youngwoman, I missed and needed my mother more and more. The more I missed and needed my mom, the angrier I grew. I often wondered why my mother hadallowed her exes to send her life into such a downward spiral that even the courtsdecided she was unfit to mother her own children.

My curiosity was sufficed during my junior year in high school when the guy I thought would love me forever dropped me like a bad habit. In the blink of an eye, he told me we were over and by the end of the school day he walked past mylocker holding hands with his new girlfriend.

The pain was so excruciating I couldn't breathe. The experience was so debilitating, my eyes were open, but I couldn't see. What I was feeling was so darn loud, I couldn't hear myself think. I had been emotionally kicked in the stomach and just as my knees snapped in preparation to buckle, I somehow managed to think of my mother. To my own surprise, I suddenly smiled. In that second, I felt closer to my mother than I ever had during the eleven years I livedwith her. A deep sense of gratitude ascended up my spine, causing me to stiffen.I smiled even bigger as I thought of the other heartbroken people I knew as ayoung girl – ones I lovingly looked up to but perceived as stupid for yearning for a lover who no longer wanted them. Proudly inflating my chest, I then lifted myhead upward and whispered, "Thank you. I get it. I finally understand it."

During the first week of my heartbreak, I understood what it was like to cry andlong for someone who didn't want to be with me. By the second week of my heartbreak, from firsthand experience, I understood why stalkers stalk, whydrinkers drunk dial, why obsession itself becomes a compulsion, and why emailsand texts written at night should never be sent until they are re-read the nextmorning.

Once I gained this understanding, I was filled with awe. Considering the pain I felt after one relationship gone awry, I wondered how people actually livedthrough heartbreak after heartbreak without going clinically insane. By ageseventeen, I decided I wanted to learn all I could about being human and about that which informs our thinking, our actions, our reactions, and our behavior.

In order to fulfill my desire to understand human beings, in 1982 I began takingtransformational courses and studying Psychobiology at The City University ofNew York. With each day, I became more and more intrigued by the power ofthe mind and the latent manifestations our thoughts have on our bodies. I became fascinated by clinical studies that proved there are direct correlationsbetween loneliness and heart disease or that companionship is "necessary" and "essential" for optimal health. However, what really sealed my commitment tounderstanding the heartbreak healing process was the day I learned that the painexperienced from heartbreak registers in the same region of the brain that painexperienced from a broken limb or badly stubbed toe registers. In other words, our brains perceive the pain from heartbreak as real as the pain we would experience from a toothache. As a matter of fact, because the pain from heartbreak registers in the brain as real pain, painkillers such as Tylenol havebeen proven to alleviate heartbreak pain in the same manner it would reduce paincaused by a painful disease.

And the one thing we all know about heartbreak beyond a shadow of a doubt isthat like most diseases:

Heartbreak does not discriminate

Because we invest so much of our mental, spiritual and physical energy mergingour lives with a loved one, it's almost absurd for us to think we could get over our exes and sever ties in a matter of days, weeks, or even months without propersupport.

The process of being Ex-Free is exactly that, and such a process requires actionsbeyond crying, gossiping, stalking, ignoring, or avoiding. Such a process demands letting go of immobilizing monologues and moving into inquiries andtransforming dialogues that alter your life experiences. In addition to guidingyou in the aforementioned process, the 9 Keys in this book will enable you totransform your relationship with pain, labels, and circumstances.

In order to better understand how you navigate the tumultuous sea of love, these9 Keys will also assist you to discover the sea vessel that best represents you.Once you understand how you were designed, you will also understand theimportance of choosing other ships that your ship can relate to inherently andtherefore comfortably be in a relation-ship with. If you're a slow but headstrongRowboat personality, the way you navigate the sea in the midst of a storm will vastly differ from that of a thrill-seeking Speedboat personality. Finally, inaddition to identifying and learning about the kind of boat you float on the sea oflove, you will also learn of the secret treasures you shared with your ex while journeying together. The surprise is that these treasures are truly the treasuresyou've been hunting for and nearly willing to die for your entire life.

The 9 Keys you will be working with are the exact keys I used to heal myself,they are the exact keys many of my friends have used to heal themselves, and theyare also the exact keys I used to develop the screenplay for the film based on thisbook and re-titled, "I Really Hate My Ex." (LionsGate 2015 DVD/BLU RAY release)

So, what does it mean to be Ex-Free? First, let me just say: being Ex-Free isn't measured by your ability to be friends with your ex. Being Ex-Free simply meansyou are able to powerfully move forward in life without your ex, or maybe evenwith your ex, but either way, you will be Ex-Free.

As a direct result of the 9 Keys offered in this book, I have seen it all. I've witnessed divorced couples re-marry; I've witnessed clinically depressed and suicidal men and women powerfully heal in ways they never thought they could.The four things these people had in common were 1) they all had an ex; 2) theyall had a willingness to heal; 3) they all clicked with the 9 Keys to Freedomoffered in this book; and 4) they all powerfully completed their 21 day FreedomAction Plan, utilizing the journal at the end of this book.

By working the 9 Keys offered in this book, even the toughest of hearts willunlock and finally be set free. What I mean by "working" each Key is that youactually exert the energy necessary to pull the information offered in each Key toyou AND through you until the Key and your life issues meet as one. To reallywork the Key, allow yourself to feel the impact the Key has on your life and understand how the Key pertains to your life. It's like inserting a Key into a lock, turning it, wiggling it, and working with it until you hear, or in this case feel, that reassuring click. If you work the Keys the way the Keys are designed to beworked, (which includes actually doing the exercises at the end of each chapter,) I assure you, you are merely pages away from authentically being free from heartbreak.

As with most things in life, the more honest you can be with yourself whileworking each Key, the more powerful your results will be. Speaking of honesty,now would be a good time for me to inform you, I did not write this bookbecause I have it all together or because theoretically I know something. Although I am very close to holding a doctorate's degree in Depth Psychology, I honestly wrote this book because I personally experienced some things thattaught me greater things, things I am very excited to share with you. So, if youare reading this book because you are interested in learning how to be ex-freefrom someone who has been where you might now be, or if you are looking for aguide who lives hard, falls harder but gets back up even stronger, then you're infor a wonderful, life transforming read and it is my utmost pleasure to accompanyyou along your very own Freedom Journey.

To further enhance your ex-free adventure, I invite you to view the pre-recorded"Ex-Free" videos (www.YouTube.com/user/TroyTalks) in which I focus specifically on each of the 9 Keys while answering questions from viewers.

Okay. . . let's do this, shall we?

Make Pain Your New Best Friend

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."

\- Kahlil Gibran

The actual breaking of any body part is painful, especially the heart. However, inthe case of heartbreak, the first lock that keeps us trapped is that we forget that pain is not the problem. Pain is merely a sensation present to remind us that wehave been injured and there is a problem.

Pain (n.) Physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury.

Of course, no one wants to be reminded of his or her problems. This is exactly why most people usually do anything but deal with the problem to get rid of theirpain. However, problems are meant to be solved. Solving problems is a large part of our learning and growth process. Unfortunately, learning certain lessonsin life can be painful, but again, the pain isn't the problem. Learning the lesson is the problem. In other words, when you learn the lesson, you solve the problemand you're free to move forward.

Why am I asking you to make pain your new best friend? Because your pain willnot only remind you that you have a problem that needs solving, it will also act asa gauge of your progress. Your pain is there for you and only you; your pain can'tbe bought, traded or sold. Your pain's purpose is to make you aware of aproblem that is demanding your immediate attention and your growth.

In fact, we humans do one of two things when life beckons us to grow. We both wilt and dissolve in the face of problems, or we expand and grow as we boldlyresolve the problems. The unfortunate thing about wilting is, the smaller youget, the bigger the problem gets. And by the way, the problem never really goes away. The seemingly unfortunate thing about growing is that most people andthings don't grow in the space of comfort; growth is usually accompanied bypain, hence the term "growing pains."

Let me just say, I've yet to meet anyone who had a life-altering experience while lounging on a couch, downing a pint of ice cream. It just doesn't happen that way. A perfect metaphor for the growth-pain process is the journey of a seed. Seeds are buried in deep, damp, dark places and then forced to grow as they pushupward in search of air, light, and space. Once the seed pushes through the dark,painful, uncomfortable space, what immediately follows is its natural beauty. Relationships are to humans what soil is to seeds. Relationships are deep fieldsfertilized with the substances and composition necessary to activate our growth.If you are hurting – if you are in pain – that means simply that your relationshiphas activated your spirit's desire to grow. Without a doubt, if you are really readyto be Ex-Free, it's going to take some growing on your part.

The good news is that although the pain from growing is inevitable, suffering isoptional. If you don't want to suffer from the pain, then it's imperative you makeyour pain your best friend. The thought of befriending your pain is probably asinviting as sticking a needle beneath your fingernail. You know you do not want to stick a needle beneath your fingernail because pain, your friend, has taught yousuch an action hurts. Until now, you've probably viewed pain as something that'sthere to hurt, instead of viewing it as something there that actually helps. The fact is, like any good friend would, pain shows up suddenly to let you know you are indanger. If the notion of pain being a friend is still tough to grasp, imagine a friendwoke you up at three o'clock in the morning, warned you of impending danger.Without question, you would listen, trusting your friend was there to help you.

Let's take this same scenario and replace the word "friend" with "pain." It would then read like this: Imagine that a pain woke you up at three o'clock in themorning, warning you of impending danger. Without question, you wouldlisten, knowing your pain was there to help you. Like a friend, your pain's concern is you. Like a friend, your pain is telling you something, and like afriend, your pain will not shut up until you finally stop and listen.

So, what is your pain telling you about your relationship with your ex? Your painis telling you that if you are still feeling IT, you are still connected to IT. In other words, if you are still feeling the pain caused by your relationship with yourex, it's because you are still connected to the relationship with your ex. The stronger the pain, the stronger your connection to your ex remains. If you thinkabout it, the logic is inescapable; the pain you are currently feeling is a by-productof the relationship you shared with your ex. Again, as long as the pain caused bythe relationship is present, you are still connected to that relationship. You maynot physically be connected to your ex; however, experiencing the pain keeps youemotionally connected to the relationship.

Remember, the pain is there to remind you that there is still a problem to solve. The problem reminds you that there is still a lesson to learn. This is all for the sake of your personal growth. Also remember, nothing grows in the space of comfort. If you allow your pain to be your guide, you will learn the lesson, andwill permanently remove the experiences connected to the lessons. Not only willyou finally be Ex-Free, but if you're a conscious life-student, you will never haveto repeat those painful experiences again.

I can't tell you how many times I've found myself dating the same person. The only differences were the faces and the names. The two things they all had incommon on some level, they all had the ability to give me what I desperatelyneeded most from a partner – protection, and they all cheated on me – all ofthem. In spite of the heartbreaks I witnessed as a child, I still managed to allowmyself to be heartbroken by three different men, all sharing similar traits. Myfirst heartbreak was during my teens; my second heartbreak was in my earlytwenties; and my final heartbreak was in my early thirties.

All but one of my relationships began the same way, which is the other personrelentlessly pursued me, promising protection from a world of which I was inexplicably terrified at the time. After they "got" me, I found myself workingovertime to keep them, often compromising my principles. The relationships then ended because I found out they cheated on me. Yes, these cookie-cutterexperiences continued until a life-shattering incident, borne out of relationshipsgone awry, caused me to become a conscious life-student. As a result of that incident, I eventually created and worked the Keys in this book. In doing so, Ilearned the lessons I needed in order to grow and eliminate those repetitiveexperiences. I finally understood my romantic partners cheated on me because Icheated on myself.

NOTE TO SELF: People cheat because they believe theycannot win the game they are playing if they were to play fair.

In retrospect, I am clear I chose my exes because they each offered me somethingthat I thought I needed. I was also willing to sell out on myself in order to obtain that something. For example, my ex-fiancé came from a very close family, but hisparents had two very big problems with me. The first problem was that I'm half-black; the second was, I was an actress. They were certain they didn't want anyblack people or Hollywood-types in their family – no exceptions. Obviously, I couldn't change my skin color, so what did I do? I quit acting – just like that. I literally cheated myself out of a career I had been dreaming of since I was a littlegirl, just so my ex-fiancé's family would accept me. The truth is we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. I cheated on myself in exchangefor his protection and then my ex-fiancé cheated on me. So, by way of example, I taught him how to treat me. Yes, it's as simple as that – "Monkey See; Monkey Do."

At this point, you are probably looking at your past actions in an honest attempt to remember what you did or didn't do that taught your ex how to treat you.However, until you can fully befriend your pain, your memory will likely beblocked. Why? Because your pain can be so consuming – so dominating, itbecomes difficult to see or remember anything beyond or before it. Once you canbefriend your pain, your pain will befriend you and serve more as a supportivepresence in your healing process, rather than a memory block.

Troy Talks...

Q: I know this may sound a bit strange, but what if I don't want my pain to go away?I actually have a play list on my iPod of songs that I either listened to with my ex, orsongs that remind me of my ex. I set time aside in my day just to listen to these songs and cry over him. I also often visit places we went together either hoping I'll run into him or just to be in a place I once shared with him. My pain is already my best friend and I don't think I want to lose another best friend; is this weird?

A: Weird is forcing yourself to do something you are not ready to do. The time to let go of a relationship is when you are no longer enjoying the ride. You have clearly foundanother version of the ride to enjoy; you're now relishing in the pain. I assert you trulyare not ready to let go of your ex and therefore I urge you to stop trying. Just be where you are; resist nothing. In the film, I Really Hate My Ex, the character Jessica is theone you would most resonate with. After ending a relationship with Sean, a marriedman, Jessica insisted on holding on to her pain. She too found much pleasure fromsobbing while listening to sappy heartbreak themed songs and pushing the repeat buttonon her stereo. Like Jessica, as you continue to work and click with the 9 Keys toFreedom, you will soon have tools that will provide you with empowering ways to move on with dignity, grace, and an unshakable sense of ease.

Q: What if I am not in any pain? Is there something wrong with me?

A: If you are not in pain, you may have learned the lesson you needed to learn fromyour relationship and therefore may have removed the experience. It's like touching a hot stove. Once you touch a hot stove, the pain from the burn will either teach you notto touch hot stoves, or you will continue to touch hot stoves until you learn the lesson,which is that hot stoves can burn your fingers.

I'd also like you to consider that you could be in denial and therefore, very good atsuppressing the pain. To find out if you are in denial, really check in with yourself andask yourself this question: "Do I honestly wish my ex well?" If the answer is yes, then you are not in denial. If the answer is no and you cannot honestly wish your ex well,consider you are very much hurting and in denial. We only want others to hurt whenwe are hurting; we want them to feel the pain we are still feeling. When we are completely free of pain, we do not wish pain on others.

You will now have the opportunity to get to know your pain like you would afriend. The exercise for this Key is intended to support you with making theacquaintance of your pain. I suggest you take a moment to safely but honestlyget reconnected to your pain before doing the exercise. The point of this exerciseis to strengthen your ability to recognize your pain, like you would a friend in acrowd. After all, if you are going to use your pain as a scale to measure yourprogress, shouldn't you know exactly what your scale looks like? In addition, byknowing what your pain looks like when it's fully present, you'll also have a betteridea of what it will look like as it rapidly begins to disappear.

Make Pain Your New Best Friend Exercises

What does your pain look like?

If Your Pain Were A Color, What Color Would It Be?

(Circle at least one and no more than two)

BLACK|  GREEN | RED |

---|---|---|---  
BLUE|  GREY | TURQUOISE |

BROWN|  ORANGE | YELLOW |

OTHER |  | |

 Colors possess both negative and positive energies. When pain is beingexperienced as a color, the negative pole of that color is most likely impactingyour mood. Below is a list of suggested thoughts that will instantly give you access to the positive pole of your color. So, whenever your pain is present, instead of allowing the negative pole of your pain color to dominate your thoughts, simply follow the remedies suggested in your pain color.

Black: | Connect with your breath and as you exhale, release the pain. As you inhale, breathe in the light. Continue to breathe out the darkness and breathe in the light.   
---|---  
Blue: | Find your truth. Honor your truth. Empower your truth. Be open to other truth.   
Brown: | Find a way to get grounded immediately and anchor yourself in your truth, knowing your roots are connected to the essence of all that is good.   
Green: | Open your heart to receiving the field of love and abundance that isalways around you.   
Grey: | Find a safe space, be still, and know it's okay to be wherever you are.Allow your opinions to go where they will, but do not relate to youropinions as the only truth.   
Orange: | Know that as a creator, from nothingness you can create anything andeverything.   
Red: | Honor who you are for you. Let go of any thoughts of who you might or might not be for others. Focus only on you and allow your love for yourself to calm and soothe you.

 Turquoise: Acceptance of yourself and others is the key to your peace.

Yellow: Allow the light to reveal the truth in you and outside of you and fromthere, choose the path that clearly comforts you.

Below, please circle the part of your body in which you experience pain most.

ARMS | HANDS | NECK  
---|---|---  
BACK | HEAD | SHOULDER  
CHEST | KNEES | STOMACH   
FEET | LEGS | THROAT   
What Your Body Pain Location Signifies: |

Arms: Back: Chest: | Don't want to carry the load Lack of support Inability to deal with pressure |

 Feet: Confused; lacking understanding

Hands: Difficulty letting go Head: Self-criticism Knees: Rigid and constrained by pride & ego Legs: Fear of moving forward Neck: Inability to be flexible Shoulders: Heavily burdened & incapable of coping Stomach: Inability to digest a situation Throat: Suppressed expressions

When my pain is present, my pain makes me feel like:

(Check at least one and no more than two)

I'm trapped in a straightjacket. I'm wearing a vest made of lead that's pulling me to my knees. I'm buried in six feet of dirt and can't breathe. I'm swimming in a jar of petroleum jelly and I can't see.

Other:

My pain makes me feel as if all I want to do is:

SCREAM | FIGHT | RUN AWAY |

---|---|---|---  
DIE | CRY | DISAPPEAR|

HURT SOMEONE ELSE |

|

Other: |  | |

 Now I'd like you to write a brief summary about your pain, which will be assimple as filling in some blanks.

Summary About Your Pain: The color of my pain is

The part of my body in which I feel my pain the most is my

When my pain is present, it makes me feel like

My pain makes me feels as if all I want to do is

Congratulations! Now that you know the characteristics of your pain, not onlywill you recognize the arrival of your pain from a distance, but when it arrives,you can actually start having fun with it. The next time you notice your pain, stop everything you're doing and just be with your pain. Acknowledge your pain's presence. Look at the color you attached to it. Is that the color that best represents your pain? If not, change it. If it is, be with it. Allow your attentionto flow to the part of your body you feel your pain the most. Is this an accurate location? If not, change it. If so, be with it. Whatever you choose to do uponthe arrival of your pain, the most important thing is that you don't make yourpain wrong for being there. In other words, don't resist it. Simply acknowledge its presence, embrace and accept it, if you can. Remember that pain is inevitable.However, if you diligently work and click with this first Key by making pain your new best friend, your suffering will be optional.

Your Crutch Is Just A Crutch

"The worst thing you can try to do is cling to something that is gone, or to recreate it."

\- Napolitano

Life without our ex can be challenging early on because like most committedcouples, we were extensions of one another. When that extension is gone, there'sinevitably an enormous void – an empty space comparable to a missing limb. As a result, most of us become "emotional amputees" and reach for emotional crutches to fill the void. Emotional crutches are individualized transitional objects that provide instant gratification in otherwise empty, stressful, or emotionally intense circumstances. Crutches are intended to help people getback onto their feet and move forward in life. Keep in mind that there arepositive crutches such as music, spirituality, and exercise. There are also negative crutches such as alcohol, drugs, and gambling. However, even positive crutchescan have a negative effect if they are continuously used to avoid or ignore anemotional injury.

Crutch (n.) A device used for assistance or support.

Before we move on, it's important you know this Key is not about kicking awayyour crutch. Truthfully, if asking you to kick away your crutch were enough tohave you do it – if it were really that easy to kick – it wouldn't really be a crutch.You see it's not easy to just kick away something you depend on, lean on, andfind solace and safety in, just because someone asks you to. So unless you'reready, don't worry about kicking away your crutch today, tomorrow, or even nextyear. The value of working and clicking with this Key is that you recognizeyourself as the owner and creator of your crutch before your crutch takes ownership and makes a hostage out of you.

Addiction: (n.) The condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, oractivity.

There is a very fine line between owning a crutch and being owned by a crutch. If you are using a crutch to cope, only you know if you are using or misusing it.The fact is, there are stressful times in life when things get a little wacky and ifyou need a little support to restore your balance, then a good crutch can be agreat thing. Just know there is a difference between reaching for a crutch for support and depending on a crutch for survival. If you are using an emotionalcrutch, your life literally depends on you knowing and being responsible for thisdifference.

After my heartbreaks, I was always left feeling hopeless and lost; I just didn'tknow what to do. In the past, when faced with a challenging situation, I turnedto my romantic partner for advice and solace. In fact, there was one time, aftermy "twenties" heartbreak that I actually called my ex and asked him to help meget over him. He answered my request by passing the phone to his new girlfriend, who told me to stop calling her man. Ouch. Metaphorically speaking, her words chopped my legs off at the knees. I was devastated; I wanted the world to stop so I could get off, or at least crawl beneath it and die. I didn't know what it was going to take for me to get back on my feet, but I knew I hadto find something and find it fast.

A gay friend of mine introduced me to my first crutch. He told me the best way to get over one lover was to crawl underneath another. I decided he was more of an expert on men than me, so I took his advice. Hmm. Let's just say, the wordstorture and shame best describe my experience of being with one lover in aneffort to get over another. Because I didn't want to be like my mother, promiscuous behavior was never the crutch for me.

Still, I was relieved to know that crutches existed. I was also certain I would find the crutch for me and if not, I was determined to create one.

The next crutches I reached for were big, big hits. I found solace in mindless shopping sprees during the day, smoking cigarettes, and drinking large amountsof wine at night. Like most crutches, they initially felt like lifesavers. I really felt as if I were back on my feet and moving forward with my life. I soon forgot about my ex and craved only my crutches. I fell in love with smoking; I fell inlove with shopping; I fell in love with drinking. That was my life and at the time, I swore my life was great.

One morning, after a really long night of smoking, boozing, and trying onclothes I brought home but now hated – something happened. I woke up with araging hangover and, as I was trying to resist the pain of my throbbing head, I accidentally viewed my life from a different angle. It suddenly dawned on methat I hadn't made any real progress with my crutches at all. As a matter of fact,the only thing my crutches supported me with were my secret suspicions ofalcoholism, one continuous sore throat, and maxed-out credit cards. I was stunned. I couldn't understand how my crutches turned out to be big kickstandswith invisible anchors. Even after realizing my crutches were actually holding medown, I wasn't ready to let them go. I was certain if I let go of my crutches, thebottom would literally drop out of the ground. I now know, at that time, Iwasn't willing to kick my crutches because I wasn't ready to be responsible for mylife. I wanted to remain disabled for as long as I possibly could because, in astrange way, my crutches gave me the illusion of being protected, which is thefeeling I longed for with my mate. I felt safe. . .and that felt really good.Initially, we all have different reasons for reaching for crutches, and these reasons,at best, only approximate the truth. The reason I reached for my crutches wasthat I literally, physically couldn't get out of bed without them. Still, there was a truth I was avoiding.

When I finally was able to admit it, I realized if I stayed in bed, I wouldn't bedoing anything – so there was no threat of failure. In other words, the reason Ineeded my crutches wasn't because I was disabled; I needed my crutches because my secret truth was that without a romantic partner I felt inadequate and therefore unable to protect myself from failure. I am not saying this was the truth. I am saying this was my secret truth, hence, my "failure-proof" life consisting of sleeping, smoking, shopping, and drinking.

After my third breakup ended in divorce, I didn't have the luxury of living the"failure-proof" life I had when my previous two exes and I had split up. This time, I had a huge responsibility. I had an eight-month-old son to care for. It took me less than a week to realize I could not afford to smoke around-the-clock,drink myself to sleep, and then shop all day, with a child depending on me.During that first week, I tried to pretend I needed my crutches in order to reallybe there for my child – but to honor my son, I had to acknowledge that myemotional crutches were never going to replace my missing limbs. I finally hadto admit, after using these crutches to heal from two previous relationships, thatthe most momentum I ever got with my crutches were baby steps, and even thosesteps were taken with a noticeable limp. I later realized that crutches were reallyonly good for two things – numbing my pain and reminding me I was broken. The unfortunate thing about numbing pain, which we learned in Key 1, is thatwithout the presence of pain, it's almost impossible to gauge our healing process.Of course, the crutch's interest is to continuously keep me broken because theinstant I'm healed, my crutch is history.

Troy Talks...

Q: Do you think it's a crutch if I call my ex to help me get through these tough times?

A: Remember, crutches are designed to help you get back onto your feet. I stronglysuggest you not allow the person involved in knocking you off your feet to serve as thecrutch to get you back on your feet.

Think of your ex like a broken leg. If you keep messing around with that leg, putting pressure of any sort onto it, it's never going to fully heal. However, when your leg is finally healed, when your pain has disappeared, and you're able to run on it – not justwalk, but run . . . you can contact your ex, if you still want to.

In the film, I Really Hate My Ex, the three female leads kidnap their exes and hold them hostage until they get the answers they think they need in order to be free.Basically, they were attempting to use their exes as crutches to help them heal theirheartbreak and get back on their feet. Inevitably, their attempt to use their exes ascrutches not only knocked them off both feet, it painfully deepened their emotionalinjuries. It's worth repeating; Freedom Is An Inside Job.

Q: My crutch is hanging out on Twitter and Facebook; do you think this is a negative crutch?

A: If you want to know if your crutch is negative or positive, simply look at the resultsyou produce in your life when you are "crutching." For example, using Yoga as a crutch will more often than not produce a positive result. Since you asked me if using Twitter and Facebook could be regarded as a negative crutch, I am inclined to believe you have been producing some negative results with these particular crutches. Social networkingcan be a positive crutch if you are using these outlets to move you away from youremotional injuries. However, if you are using social networks like Facebook to monitor your ex's social online interactions, then you're using your crutch as salt, rubbing it deeper into your wound, further aggravating your injury. Remember, crutches are intended to support you, not to debilitate you further.

NOTE TO SELF: Crutches Can Lead To Addiction!

Almost all addictions originate as emotional crutches. And almost all emotional crutches attempt to compensate for emotional injuries. One of the best ways toavoid addiction is to make sure you can always honestly recognize and call yourcrutch a crutch and NEVER confuse it with your emotional injury. If you everfind yourself addicted to your crutch, I strongly suggest you seek two forms oftreatment. One form of treatment should be to treat your crutch. The other form of treatment should be focused on healing the emotional injury that hadyou reach for your crutch in the first place. Again, please do not collapse the two. This is crucial. If you're on the verge of addiction, it's the collapsing ofyour crutch and your emotional injury that most likely got you where you aretoday. You must un-collapse them and you must do it separately and right away.

The last thing I'd like you to know about your crutch is that a crutch can revealthings about you that you may not consciously be able to see. For example, whenI find myself craving a cigarette, I know instantly somewhere in the recent past, Iwas emotionally injured. In that moment, I can either light a cigarette and "hangout" with my crutch for a while, or I can figure out what my emotional injury isand deal with it in a powerful manner – or both. The bottom line is, when youcan honestly call your crutch a crutch and understand the purpose of your crutch,your crutch will better enable you to understand yourself.

Your Crutch Is Just A Crutch Exercises

TO THY OWN CRUTCH BE TRUE

When you're upset and you want to shift your mood, what activity quickly does the trick for you?

(e.g. eating, sleeping, exercising, gambling)

Assuming the answer above is your emotional crutch or crutches, what reasons do you have for reaching for your crutch/es when you do?

I reach for my emotional crutch when I feel

While using my emotional crutch my focus is on

My emotional crutch also enables me to ignore

Without giving it too much thought, jot down 10 additional reasons you reach for your emotional crutch.

(Please write quickly and do not stop until you have listed 10 reasons.)

I reach for my emotional crutch because without it I feel:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Now that you know your emotional crutch and 10 reasons you reach for it, see if youcan identify your secret truth about your crutch.

Example: My secret truth wasn't that I was disabled. My secret truth was I feltinadequate and therefore incapable of succeeding on my own.

1. On your reasons list, if you had a reason that was the most difficult to admit

or write, chances are that reason is also your secret truth.OR

2. On your reasons list, if you had repetitive words, chances are those words

hold the clue to your secret truth. OR

3. While making your reasons list, if at any point you wanted to quit making the list, chances are your secret truth is whatever you wrote immediatelybefore or after your thoughts of quitting.

If you have found your secret truth regarding your emotional crutch, good foryou. If you haven't, not to worry; your secret truth will reveal itself during thenext 7 Keys.

You Are Not Your Circumstances

"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive –the risk to be alive and express what we really are."

\- Don Miguel Ruiz

If I were to ask you, "How are you doing today?" and you were to honestlyanswer me; you would most likely have circumstances dictate the answer to myquestion. Why? Because most people define themselves by their life circumstances. To make matters worse, most people also believe their circumstances are beyond their control. So, how they are doing in life is basically out of their control. The important thing is whether you believe your circumstances are beyond your control or not doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you profoundly understand that you are not your circumstances.There is you. There are your circumstances. Circumstances change every day forvarious reasons. You are always uniquely you.

If you lived in London and it was raining when I called you from sunny LosAngeles and I asked how you were doing today, you wouldn't say, "Oh, today I'm raining," would you? Of course not, because you are not rain; you are you. Sure,there's a current circumstance called rain in your life that is the result of certainweather conditions. You might even tell me about the rain you are currentlyexperiencing, but you would never identify yourself as the rain.

Why not? Because rain is just a circumstance in your life at that moment – andagain, you are not your circumstances. There will always be circumstances that are results of certain conditions, and then there will always be you. Your heartbreak is a circumstance of a condition that you happen to be experiencing. You are no more your heartbreak than you are your poverty or your wealth, yourflu, your happiness, sadness, or anger. Again, these are all temporary circumstances that are caused by certain conditions.

Circumstance (n.) A fact or condition connected with an event or an action.

Once you stop identifying yourself as your circumstances, you will also stoptreating yourself as a circumstance. Here's an inquiry: if you had a headache,would you suddenly identify yourself as a headache and treat yourself like aheadache? The answer is obvious, isn't it? No matter what condition you haveor event you are experiencing, you are still you. Your headache is a circumstance that you happen to be experiencing. The same holds true for heartache. You are no more your heartache than you are your headache. It's very important to fullyingrain this in your DNA because your perception of yourself during this healing process is crucial. What you think of you is the very thing that will pull youthrough and eventually assist you with your healing process. So, the next timesomeone asks you how you're doing, your response could sound like this, "My circumstances are challenging, but I'm doing well." That will be the truth if youare working the Keys in this book and focusing on your healing.

Troy Talks...

Q: My ex left me with three young kids and so much debt that I am now having tofile bankruptcy. How can you tell me I am not my circumstances when circumstancesare all I can see? I feel as if I am drowning in them and I don't know what to do.

A: Most of us live our lives thinking if we DO this, we can HAVE this and thenfinally BE that. In other words we've been driving our lives in the wrong direction.Because we are human beings, the proper direction is:

BE -- DO -- HAVE not DO -- HAVE -- BE

My advice is for you to create who you are now going to BE regarding your ex's abandonment, the pressures of single parent-hood, and your finances. If you choose to be powerful, then you will BE powerful. As a result, you will DO things that powerfulpeople do when faced with difficult circumstances. In the end you will also HAVE the results consistent with the results produced by those who are BEING powerful.Remember, you are not your circumstances; circumstances are merely experiences influenced by conditions.

In the film, I Really Hate My Ex, Wendy finally admits she allowed her circumstancesto destroy her marriage to Robert, the man of her dreams. Granted, Robert's sexualpreferences may have been non-traditional, yet even his insatiable appetite for ménageå trois sex was nothing more than a circumstance. Yes, for most this would be considered a very challenging circumstance, but it is just a mere circumstance nonetheless.

The point is, regardless of the circumstance, choose whom you are going to BE in orderto DO what needs to be done.

You are a human being, not a human doing.

Q: I was with my ex before I contracted genital herpes. I'm sure she gave me this virus and yet she swears she doesn't have it. Several weeks after my diagnosis, she broke up with me. So, now as a result of my circumstances, I'm single and I have herpes for the rest of my life. How can you say, I am not a circumstance I now have to live with forthe rest of my life?

A: Although I have great compassion for your circumstance, I still say, you are notyour circumstance. You may have a medical condition, but you are no more your herpesthen you are your cancer, your asthma, or your heartache. Now that you know whatyou HAVE (a circumstance), what you DO about it will depend on who you plan toBE about it. There are millions of people in the world who are living great lives inspite of their health challenges. Again, you are not your health challenge you simply have a health challenge. If you choose to be a victim, you will do the things that victimsdo and you will have the results that victims have. Keep in mind; champions are born when the challenge is on. Choose to be a champion in the face of your challenge and youwill do what a champion does in the face of a challenge, and as a result you will have what a champion has in the face of a challenge – victory!

Now that you know you are not your circumstances, the next logical questionmight be, who are you? I will answer this question with another question whichis: who are you committed to being? The thing about commitments is thatthey're not designed to change at the drop of a dime.

Commitment (v.) That to which you are willing to devote, dedicate, or oblige yourself

– no matter what.

People make commitments to marriages – to jobs – to their children. Rarely do we consciously make commitments to ourselves. Who would you like to be foryourself, regardless and independent of your circumstances? Life is always going to show up with challenging circumstances. The big question is, who are you going to be in the face of life's circumstances? The good news is you actually get to make this choice. The not-so-good news is that if you don't make the choice,your circumstances will choose for you.

A female client of mine once dated a divorced father who was literally a rocketscientist. With degrees from very prestigious universities, this guy was as gorgeous in person as he was on paper. The challenge turned out to be that as anengineer for a biomedical company, his job was to foresee potential problems forsuch pharmaceutical giants as Pfizer and Eli Lilly. His livelihood actuallydepended on his ability to look for and find things that could go wrong.

Unfortunately, his endless search for problems didn't stop at work. He was committed to being a problem-finder and solver in all areas of his life, includinghis relationship. If he couldn't find a problem, he created problems because hissense of worth depended on him having problems to solve. What he wasn't willing to understand was that his problem-finding job was merely a circumstance; he didn't have to be his circumstance. Eventually, my client'srelationship with this genius man became too big of a problem for her to solve.He continued to be burdened by his circumstances and as a result, their relationship came to an end. Again, if you don't consciously choose who you aregoing to be in the world, then by default, your circumstances will choose for you.The exercises for this Key were designed to support you with the privilege ofchoosing who you are committed to being in your life – no matter what thecircumstances.

You Are Not Your Circumstances Exercises

YOU CHOOSE YOU

In The Face Of ALL Circumstances, Who Are You Committed To Being?

Below, please list five (5) of the most challenging circumstances in your life rightnow.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Okay, now let's pretend it's exactly one year later and as you take this book out tolook at the list, you realize each and every one of these challenging circumstanceshave either been removed from your life or resolved.

Please give yourself a moment to really see this and experience this as your newreality. All of your items listed above are now nothing more than vague experiences of your past. Take another moment to see and feel it.

Now, quickly write down the two words that best describe how you would bebeing if this were true – not what you would be doing, but how you would be being? We want to keep this in the domain of "being," because we are humanbeings, NOT human doings. So, again, how would you be BEING?

1.

2.

I want you to really look at the two words that you wrote down to describe howyou would be being. In all of the English vocabulary, there are hundreds ofthousands of words you could have chosen, and yet you chose those two. The reason you chose those two words is that at the core of your being, at the level ofspirit, those two words best capture the person you are deeply committed tobeing for yourself and – surprisingly – for others.

The two words I chose while working this Key were Light and Love. At the time, my conscious mind did not know I was committed to shedding light andlove into my life and the lives of others, but like you, my spirit knew my purpose.So, as you continue working the Keys in this book, and as you take on life, remember who you really are. As often as you can, say those two words out loud. Those two words came to you because they are the words waiting to be expressedas you, by you. Own these words. Live these words. Be who you are committed to being. You choose you.

Know The Boat You Float

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."

\- Aristotle

Being Ex-Free really is as simple as letting go of your past and moving on withyour future. This letting go may include releasing your ex emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and – for some – even physically. If the solution is so obvious, so cut and dry, shouldn't letting go be easy? The answer is yes, and it isvery easy to let go and move on once you know exactly what you've been holdingon to. The problem is most people can't clearly see what they are holding onto; therefore, they don't know what to let go of. This is the paradox; this is the trap that keeps people stuck.

Initially, exploring what you are holding on to may seem counter-productive in your pursuit to be Ex-Free because the logical question is how to get over your ex or how to be Ex-Free. However, I can assure you that asking what will place you on an entirely different road than asking how. The what road is paved withlessons you need to learn in order to free yourself from your experience – in thiscase, your past relationship with your ex.

Before we go further, let's look at the implications of these two words. How gives instructions regarding what you do, did, or what you are doing. What gives you reasons leading to insights and understanding about what you did or didn't do.

Asking what instead of how will also boldly lead you into spaces you don't recognize because you have never been there before. This new territory willeventually place you at the source of why you chose your ex.

Source (n.) The place where something begins.

If you are able to reach the seed that gave life to your relation-ship with your ex,you will be able to wrap your mind around the roots of the relationship andremove them once and for all. Exploring the what will provide you with enormous clarity. In addition to seeing what you're holding on to, you will also better understand precisely what you got into. After all, if you are ready to getout of a situation, you need to clearly see and understand what situation you are in. This is the power of what.

So, let's look at what you got into with your ex. You got into a relationship. If we break down the word relationship, we get two words, "relation" and "ship."The word "relation" is defined as a natural association between two or more things. "Ship" is a vessel of considerable size for deep-water navigation. Re­unite those two words and you have a relationship. What do you do with a relationship? Well, ships certainly aren't designed to remain in the harbor; they're designed to sail the seas. Assuming love is a journey, I assert the following: relationships are related ships, sailing across the sea of love. So, whatyou got yourself into was a relationship in which you sailed the sea of love.

Relationship (n.) The state of being connected.

It's common knowledge that the sea can be as tumultuous as it is smooth. Surely, the journey can be worth taking, but in spite of design, most ships remain in the harbor rather than travel the big blue sea alone. You know this; I know this.Most of us know this, which is why, again, we first seek out that seeminglyperfect romantic partner-ship before leaving the harbor. Consider the type of ship you might be? What about your ex?

NOTE TO SELF: You get what you inspect.

I hear of people's expectations being unfulfilled all the time; I rarely hear ofanyone having unfulfilled inspections. This is be-cause you really do get exactly what you inspect. Did you take time to discover how your ex was designed?Were you fully aware of the tactics your ex would use to navigate through stormswhile at sea? Can you answer the same questions about yourself? How are you designed? What conditions are capable of knocking you off course? For the purpose of answering these questions, I've chosen the most popular vessels foundat sea and listed some of their tasks and characteristics.

Working and clicking with this Key entails reading the summary of characteristics and then choosing the ship whose characteristics best representyou. Once you have identified the ship most closely representing you, re-read the list, and see if you can identify the ship that best represents your ex. As you read the characteristics ask yourself, "Is this me?" and/or "Is this my ex?" The answer will be a yes, no, or maybe. In this case, count each maybe as a yes. When youfind yourself saying yes more than no, let that ship be the one that represents you or your ex. You u probably won't find a ship with characteristics that are anidentical match for you or your ex, but you will recognize some very definitesimilarities, so get as close as you possibly can.

Finding the ship that best represents you and your ex is something you can doalone. However, exploring this Key with a friend or a group makes it all themore powerful. It's also a bit difficult to see something when you're standing extremely close to it. If you choose to work this Key alone, see if you can at leastget a second opinion from someone once you have chosen the ships that bestrepresent you and your ex.

Which Sea Vessel Best Represents You And Your EX?

Dinghy

A Dinghy is a small lifeboat designedto rescue and save the lives of those forced to jump ship.

Dinghy personalities commit their lives to rescuing others. This is the very fabric of their design. Once a Dinghy rescues you, the chances of drowning are slim to none. If by chance you do drown, rest assured, it's because they drowned first;Dinghy personalities are as loyal as the day is long.

Like the inflatable boats they represent, Dinghy personalities are sensitive andwill easily deflate if punctured. They have also been known to deteriorate when placed in direct sunlight. Dinghy personalities don't need to be the center of attention. They only want to rescue and they'll take your deepest appreciationover public recognition any day. Although you will initially be grateful for thesafety a Dinghy personality provides, your gratitude will shift to frustration if you're a personality who seeks adventure. You may begin to wonder how the onethat saved your life could now be so stagnant and still.

The upside of Dinghy personalities is that – to the best of their ability – they willkeep you comfortable and safe. The downside is, once you're in the same boat,you'll simply drift and float, hoping one day, something or someone will comealong and excite you both.

Ferry

Ferries are designed to transportlarge groups of people and vehiclesover expansive bodies of water.

Ferry personalities are just that, transporters. Their commitment in life is to support others on their journey, carrying others who can't carry themselves.

Ferries are like bridges – their life path is straight and predictable; they movefrom point A to point B and then back again. Ferries are capable of supportingmany people at once, which is why a Ferry's concern is usually for the entire group. This may mean one-on-one interactions with a Ferry are few and farbetween.

The upside to Ferry personalities is that you'll always know exactly where they're taking you and you'll never be alone en route. The downside of a Ferrypersonality is there will be times you might feel extremely lonely, especially whenyou're together in a crowd.

Platform

Raft

A Platform Raft is the most stable of the boats. It's designed to be kept afloat bya combination of buoyant materialssuch as wood or sealed barrels.

Platform Raft personalities design their lives so they'll never sink, but they do notforge too far ahead either. Platform Raft personalities are anchored, solid andcontent individuals who are happy just to be.

The downside of Platform Raft personalities is that their contentment can lead toresignation. The upside to Platform Raft personalities is that they are deeplyanchored and if stability and support is what you need, stability and support iswhat you'll get from your Platform Raft.

Rowboat

Rowboat personalities are designedto push against the flow of the water.They are head-strong, self-sufficient and confident.

Rowboat personalities set their sights on what they want to complete, and theywon't stop until they obtain it – for better or for worse.

They lock their oars into the oarlock and off they go. Rowboat personalities are always certain they are headed in the right direction. How certain are they?They're so certain, that they actually sit with their backs facing the direction theyare headed.

Because of their unwavering certainty, it's often difficult to contribute to Rowboat personalities; they've got it handled. Rowboat personalities are aware it takes two equal forces to efficiently coordinate oars, and unless they trust yourendurance, muscle strength, and effectiveness, they prefer you not reach for anoar.

The upside to Rowboat personalities is that with them, you can kick back andrelax; you'll reach your destination in due time. The downside to a Rowboat personality is, unless he or she considers you to be an equal, you'll always be apassenger as opposed to a fully capable romantic partner.

Sailboat

A Sailboat is a boat propelled partially or whollyby sail. Wind is a Sailboat's primary methodof propulsion. As a result, Sailboatpersonalities are "chasers."

These individuals are constantly looking for the next best thing – that next forceof wind promising to set them off on another lap of smooth sailing. Sailboat personalities are engineered to chase the wind. If they don't, they're stuck without movement, which goes against their design element.

The upside of Sailboat personalities is that being with them is an exhilaratingadventure, because you never really know where the next gush of wind will takeyou. The downside to being with Sailboat personalities is if you are not that nextgush they choose to chase, you might find yourself falling quickly overboard.

Seaplane

A French engineer built the first seaplane called "Le Canard," meaning "The Duck" in 1910.

That's exactly what Seaplane personalities excel at: "ducking" in and out of situations.

Today, Seaplanes are commonly used for fire fighting. Their design allows themto get close enough to fires to make a difference, but still maneuver so they don't get burned. This is a good thing, because Seaplane personalities literally can'ttake the continuous heat. As long as it's comfortable for them, you can count onthese individuals to protect you. Even when they leave, they'll be watching over you. Why do they come and go like the wind? Because Seaplane personalitiesdon't do well with environments and situations they can't control.

In fact, Seaplanes can only land in water with little or no waves. Like the sea vessels they are modeled after, Seaplane personalities cannot deal with confrontation or waves of any kind. Confrontation constrains their wings, and waves knock them off balance. They need space – lots of space. When a situation gets too tight, they're out of there. These people need the freedom to easily come and go as they please. The upside is with them, you'll always havesomeone looking over you; just don't expect them to always be beside you.

Speedboat

Speedboat'santhem is, "There is better than here."

Speedboat personalities are independent and adventurous. They don't alwaysknow where they're going or why; they just need to get there fast. Speedboatpersonalities are very easy to detect; they're sleek and simply have a need forspeed.

The downside to Speedboat personalities is: the heavier their load, the slowerthey go, which means as much as they'd like to pick you up and show you theirworld, you might have to catch another ride.

Speedboat personalities don't mean to be rude; they simply don't have a lot ofspace or time to waste and will not be slowed down by anyone or anything – noteven you.

The upside of these power-driven personalities is exactly that – power. A Speedboat personality is powerful, respected, and admired by most.

Steamboat

A Steamboat is a ship propelled by asteam engine that cannot functionwithout steam. Its movement depends on steam.

Steam wakes them up in the morning; steam puts them to sleep at night; steampropels them forward; steam gives them motion. This steam isn't necessarily negative or positive. Steamboat personalities just need to heat up in order toproduce the results they're known for. Steam is literally the pressure that getsthem going and keeps them from getting stuck. As you may have gathered by now, Steamboat personalities are highly strung. They collect evidence to feedtheir boiler so they can get enough steam to heat up, then off they go.

The upside to Steamboat personalities is that you won't have to guess what's ontheir minds or wonder if they have the capability to do the big things they've planned; steamboat personalities have admirable endurance and tolerance.

The downside of Steamboat personalities is they can erupt. If they do, you can't take it personally; it's just the way they're designed. However, unless you want tomelt like butter on a hot iron skillet, I suggest you steer clear of their steam untilthey cool down.

Submarine

The word Submarine was originally anadjective meaning "under the sea."

Submarine personalities submerge their feelings and emotions. These individuals run deep and submerged until it is time to attack.

Submarine personalities are perhaps the most lethal of the personalities; normallytheir emotions remain concealed and undetected, however when these individualsfinally explode, they're sure to have a boat-full of ammunition and they'll bepositioned to fire at close-range. As a result, you'll find yourself vulnerable to anattack with no recourse or defense.

You might blame yourself for not finding or recognizing the signs of impendingdisaster. Don't worry; there weren't any signs. Like their namesake, Submarinepersonalities are difficult to detect; they're deep individuals, they can't help it; it'sjust how they were designed.

The upside to Submarine personalities is that they are constant, dependable, andsteady. The downside of Submarine personalities is that when they're over you,you'll literally know it; all you have to do is look up.

Troy Talks...

Q: I understand we are all designed differently, but isn't it true opposites attract? Isn't that a good thing? I mean, I'm a Steamboat and I can assure you that I wouldn't want to date another Steamboat.

A: Opposites may attract, but too much opposition will cause great strife when thestorm hits and pushing may turn into shoving. What makes a couple last whenjourneying across the sea of love is having a solid background of "related-ness" and similar values. This is crucial because storms we confront on the sea of love can appearsuddenly and there is little time to compromise on navigational skills when you're in themidst of survival. Journeying with someone who shares similar values inherentlyallows you to be aligned when confronted with the possibility of drowning.

While navigating the sea of love and the storms in life, if you can't relate to each other's choices and decisions, someone's going to eventually get drenched or end up over board.A perfect example of this is how the characters Wendy and Robert, in the film, I ReallyHate My Ex, chose to function when the storm hit. As a Speedboat personality, Robert immediately sped away. Being a Dinghy personality, Wendy had no choice but to staywith every intention to rescue and save. One of the many things we can't control in life are the waves that come our way. It's simpler when you share similar values; this is true partner-ship.

Q: I have a lot of character traits that represent a Rowboat and a Dinghy. I alwayssave women who I feel need to be rescued, and then end up breaking up with thembecause I don't feel they are my equal.

A: We all have characteristics belonging to each of the ships. If you find there is a close tie between two ships, look and see which ship best represents you when it comes toending a relationship. You said you usually end a relationship because you do not feelyour lover is your equal. This is a true Rowboat trait. Rowboats are reluctant to offer any other passenger the oars because they are rarely confident in any one else's ability to row their boat besides themselves. If you were truly a Dinghy, you wouldn't care about equality; your only job would be to rescue and keep them safe.

Find The Treasure You Hunt

"People do not attract that which they want, but that which they are."

\- James Allen

In the world of ships, I'm a Ferry. My ex-husband was a Seaplane. He was greatat putting out my fires, but never stuck around to roast marshmallows after myflames simmered into coals. In true Seaplane fashion, once he knew I was safe,he was off to save someone else in distress, always keeping one eye on me fromhis "detached perspective." Due to their distinct designs, it's nearly impossible for a Ferry and a Seaplane to match long-term, because the waves caused by theFerry's constant motion make it challenging for a Seaplane to land. On the other hand, a Seaplane's spontaneity has been known to drive the all-too-predictable Ferry crazy.

Individually, the Ferry and Seaplane are both caring and wonderful sea vessels.When navigating the often-tumultuous sea of love, they're just not so wonderful together. Is it their fault that they're not so wonderful together? Of course not. They're both just being true to their design, and at the end of the day, that's allthey can be. Asking my ex to stop his engine and to sit tight is comparable toclipping his wings.

Like ships, we humans are uniquely designed. In addition to our individual designs, we also tow beautiful chests filled with treasures that are revealed alongour journey.

Some treasures we believe we have and some we hope to find. What usually hasus wanting to be "related" to other "ships" are the alluring and attractive treasuresthey possess. These treasures are often things we don't believe we possess orsimply would like more of. These treasures can be anything from confidence toadventure; discipline to humor. Whatever the treasure, having it in our chest makes us feel better as people. Conversely, not having it often leaves us with the sense something is missing.

Do you know what treasure you hunt on the sea of love? Most of us have no idea because the treasure we decide we need from others is often hidden from our immediate view.

These treasures are hidden from our view because when it comes to relationships,no one really wants to appear needy. We especially don't want to relate toourselves as needy, so we pretend we're not. As a result, we find ourselvesunconsciously hunting for our lost treasures with the desperation of drug addicts seeking their next fix. This is what I refer to as "Treasure Dating."

As you look to see what treasure your ex offered you before you set out to seatogether, focus on the ships you feel best represent you and your ex. For example, my ex-husband brought traits of a Seaplane. And as I mentioned, the ship that best represents me is a Ferry. After putting those two vessels' characteristics side by side, I could recognize the treasures my ex offered during our relationship. By doing so, I was able to see that Seaplanes watch over Ferries. So my Seaplane ex was also my protector. This observation enabled me to see that the treasure my ex offered was what I had searched for my whole lifeand that's why it was so hard for me to let go of him when our relationship wasover.

Troy Talks...

Q: Does this mean I will let go of my ex for good when I can find someone else to offerme the treasures my ex offered me?

A: Exactly. As long as you are "treasure dating," you will let go of your ex when you can get a stronger hold on the same treasure offered to you by another.

As a result, you should also be prepared to have the same type of relationship with thenext person that you had with your ex – this is what happens when you date the sametreasure – the only thing that changes are the faces and the names.

In the film, I Really Hate My Ex, the treasure Jessica hunts for is someone who willnever leave her, no matter what. What she finds instead is the very thing she waslooking to receive is the very thing she could not give – not even to herself. The momentJessica has this realization, her pattern of treasure-dating is abruptly interrupted andher experience of freedom begins.

I must admit I became very hopeful and was thrilled to learn I was drawn toromantic partners because my heartstrings were tied to the treasure I was hunting

– the treasure I was sure they would offer me. Once I knew what I was reallyattached to – once I understood I had been "Treasure Dating" – I finally knewwhat I needed to let go of there and reclaim here.

However, traveling the road of what will inevitably lead to the path of why. Until we know why we are holding onto or hunting down a specific treasure, we can'tensure we won't do it again. We can't promise we won't latch on to a new romantic partner who is dangling the same treasure in front of us. As I became determined not to repeat my past, I then asked myself something for the veryfirst time. I asked myself, "Troy, how old were you when the world became sucha dangerous and threatening place?" Gulp; I swallowed hard. I couldn't quiteanswer that question but my body sensations assured me I was on to something,so I asked myself another question. "Okay, Troy, when did you first realize thetreasure you've been hunting was missing from your treasure chest?" In other words, "When did I realize I didn't feel protected in my life?" The moment I asked myself those questions, tears stung my eyes and then spilled freely downmy cheeks. I remembered I hadn't felt protected since I was 4 years old and Iauditioned for the PBS television series, Sesame Street. Then, the memory caused me to suddenly roar with laughter.

As I continued to recollect the incident, my entire dating history made sense to me. . . When I was 4 years old, I auditioned for Sesame Street. For my audition, all I had to do was prove that I wasn't afraid of Big Bird. No problem, I thought.Unfortunately, the red-haired actor who was playing Big Bird wasn't aware therewas a child on set waiting to audition. As a result, the actor walked onto the setwhere I was waiting to meet him wearing Big Bird's body over his lower body,but his human head sticking out of Big Bird's neck. To make matters worse, hewas holding Big Bird's head in his right hand like a football and Big Bird's pupilswere bouncing up and down and around and around. As I stood there screamingin fear, the remorseful actor rushed towards me in a desperate attempt to comfort me. From my perspective, all I saw was a man wearing Big Bird's body, holdingBig Bird's head, rushing towards me. I turned to my mother for protection andshe glared at me as if "I" was out of "my" mind. Frantic, and suddenly aware that my mother wasn't going to protect me, I ran for my life! After running aimlesslyin circles, I finally ran into Mr. Hooper's store and hid beneath the counter. I was waiting for someone to come and protect me or at the very least explain tome why Big Bird had a man's head.

I was suddenly relieved and hopeful when I heard my mother's footsteps rushingin my direction. I was sure she would have all the answers and that she was now fully prepared to protect me from this hybrid of a human-bird. Following thesound of my sobs, my mother rounded the corner of the counter and dropped toher knees. I was so happy to see her face until she squinted her eyes and throughher gritted teeth she seethed, "You better getcha' ass back on that set girl. We need the money!" Well, I thought, who am I more afraid of now, Big Bird or my mother? Long story short, I got back on the set and I got the job. I will never forget walking out of the studio holding my mother's hand as she proudlydeclared, "Oh, Troy your being on this show is going to make us a lot of money;I love you." In that instant all I heard was "making money is more importantthan protecting me," and I decided in that moment that people who love me willnever properly care for me.

At that moment, I silently made a pact with myself to only love people who protected me and only make money when and if I felt protected. In retrospect, I now see it's not a coincidence that I experienced financial success in my career only when I experienced love from someone who was protecting me. Now, here's the truth. My mother was right – we did need the money and as a result of my being on Sesame Street, we moved into a better neighborhood, which enabled me to go to a better school. The interesting thing is, prior to having thisbreakthrough, I had forgotten about the pact I made with myself as a child. Yet, this agreement was the very thing that influenced the design of my life. The once sad, but now hilarious truth is that until I clicked with this Key, myromantic choices were influenced by the fears of a 4-year-old who was terrified ofBig Bird.

If we don't backtrack and remember where we lost our treasures, we will continue to believe our treasures are missing and we will continue to search for our treasures in other people or places. We will use others; we will cheat on ourselves; we will do anything to replace our missing treasures – and I do meananything.

So, now it's time for you to look at your relationship with your ex and find thetreasure he or she offered – the treasure you believed you didn't have or simply wanted more of. Please note, I'm not asking you to list the treasures your ex'sship "could've" or "should've" offered. The question is: given the design of yourex's ship and the design of your ship, what was the treasure you believed yourship didn't have? What treasure was your ex able to bring to the relationship?As you look, consider that love and passion are not treasures because they arepresumable by-products of romantic relationships. I also suggest you not list money as a treasure. If money seems to be the treasure your ex bought to thedeck, take it a step further and examine the meaning you give money. For example, if money makes you feel more secure then without question it is securityyou seek as a treasure on the sea of love.

Find The Treasure You Hunt Exercises

THE TREASURE HUNT

Below Please List At Least 3 Treasures Your Ex offered you during your timetogether.

1.

2.

3.

Of The 3 Treasures You Listed, Please Circle The Most Valuable One (the one you can't imagine living without)

Consider the treasure you circled above, or the thing you decided you would missmost is the very treasure you have been holding onto with your ex. Remember,most people can't let go of their relationships because they don't know exactly what it is they're holding onto. One of the reasons we continue to hold on is because we believe if we let go, we will also have to let go of the treasure our exadded to our lives. By the time you click with the 9th Key, you will see this simply isn't true.

When Did You Forget?

Now it's time for you to take a long look down memory lane. I invite you toconsider that you actually already possesses the treasure you hunt – it simply has been misplaced. See if you can remember the last time you possessed the treasureyou hunt on the sea of love. For example, if creativity is the treasure you'vehunted, really look and see if you can remember the moment you decided thatyou were no longer a creative person. If commitment or patience or spiritualityare the treasures you hunt, get present to the last time you remember being fullycommitted or patient with yourself or spiritually anchored without the support ofanother. What happened? What changed?

How old were you when you remember possessing the treasure you have beenhunting after on the sea of love?

What was the incident that caused you to misplace your treasure or forget youactually possessed your treasure?

If you are finding it challenging to identify the treasure your ex brought to the deck, try looking from this angle: if the experience of love and relationships were to be banned forever, what is the one thing you would miss most aboutbeing in love and/or being in a relationship?

Once you find the treasure you have been hunting, at first you may be somewhatsurprised. Then, like me, after some thought, that treasure will make a world ofsense to you. We are rarely aware of our need for these treasures because it is sodeeply woven into our existence. It's like the way a fish isn't conscious of waterbecause water is simply a part of its existence. Yet, on a sub-conscious level, thefish knows that it must always be in water and on the lookout for water. As humans, we are to our treasures what fish are to water. Subconsciously, we arealways looking for it because we decided long ago that this is what we need in order to feel alive and loved.

The Power of Agreement

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

\- Gandhi

Treasures we have decided we need in our treasure chests are so vital to our existence; they actually choose our prospective romantic partners, rather than us. Said another way, our treasure chests operate like huge magnets drawing nearerthat which we need in order to experience ourselves as whole and complete.

Using our eyes and ears, our magnetic treasure chest knows exactly what to lookand listen for on that first, second, and third date with a potential romanticpartner. For example, my magnetic chest was listening and looking for the promise of protection. On my second date with my ex-husband, he told me inhis very bold Seaplane fashion, "All you need to do is figure out how to take allthe problems off your shoulders and put them on mine." In that moment, mymagnetic treasure chest heard the agreement regarding protection it was listeningfor.

Agreements are the glue that bonds people, things, and unions together. Broken agreements are the scissors that cut people, things, and unions apart. Any time there is disharmony, somewhere there is also a broken agreement. Broken agreements are often the main and/or underlying causes of lawsuits. Broken agreements often interrupt the fulfillment of expectations and future plans. Further, expectations unfulfilled lead to upsets and emotional injuries.

There are three types of agreements: VERBAL, e.g. wedding vows; WRITTEN,

e.g. pre-nuptial agreements; and SILENT. Silent agreements are usuallyagreements we make with ourselves about something, like I did when I walkedoff the set after my Sesame Street audition.

Silent agreements are usually based on assumptions; silent agreements are what Iconsider to be the most constructive or destructive agreements of all.

It doesn't take much of an imagination to figure out what a destructive silentagreement is, however, here's a very interesting example of a constructive silentagreement. I once knew an elderly couple that would argue all day long. Their bickering was so intense it literally made everyone around them enormouslyuncomfortable. Yet, if anyone tried to intervene, the couple would join forcesand retaliate against the intruder.

Most people couldn't understand how this couple managed to remain married forover fifty years. The success of their longevity is that they had both silentlyagreed to be rotten to each other and this agreement worked for them, forwhatever reasons.

Their being rotten with each other fulfilled their expectations and fulfilled theirneeds from one another. By the way, they didn't care if their children or anyone else agreed with the manner in which they treated each other because the agreement existed between the two of them and no one else.

Now, if one of these two suddenly decided they no longer wanted to be treatedpoorly by their romantic partner, without a doubt, their relationship would haveended. Why? Because the glue that kept them together – the agreement – would have been broken.

Remember, honored agreements keep relationships together; broken agreementstear people apart, regardless of the nature of the agreement.

Troy Talks...

Q: Is this why domestic violence victims return to their assaulters?

A: Yes! More often than not, they both have silent agreements around violence. That silent agreement is something like; under certain circumstances violence is acceptable. If they were both not in agreement the relationship would be over after the first assault. Why? Because one of them would not be able to lend any agreement to the reality andexistence of such behavior; it would be too foreign and "unreal" to them. Remember, agreements are what make things real, and keeps them in existence.

In the film, I Really Hate My Ex, Kellen ends his engagement with Brea two weeksbefore their wedding because he did not trust her to authentically honor the weddingvows (verbal agreements). His concern was based upon the fact that during the courseof their engagement Brea broke nearly all of their agreements and showed little remorse as a result. Brea and Kellen eventually discover that Brea's lack of reverence for their agreements stemmed from Kellen breaking the very first agreement they made as anengaged couple. Unfortunately, it's pretty much a guarantee that new agreements builton top of broken agreements are bound to be broken agreements as well.

Q: What if everyone, including my family and my ex's family agreed that he and I are perfect for each other, except for him?

A: Then your relationship will be a "real thing" to all of those who agree, because agreement is what makes things real in the world. Unfortunately, until he aligns andagrees with all of you who are in agreement, the relationship will not be a real "thing"to him, and it won't be real and realized between the two of you. For example, if youhave one group of friends that agree a mop is a baseball bat and you have another groupof friends who agree that a mop is a mop, the mop will be recognized as a baseball batwhen you are with one group of friends and as a mop when you are with your othergroup of friends.

What do agreements have to do with being Ex-Free? Once you are able todistinguish the broken agreements responsible for heartbreak, you will then beable to create new agreements that will be conduits for your healing. You see, atsome point during the start of your relationship, your ex agreed to fill your chest with treasures you wanted and/or needed. When your relationship was over, agreements were inevitably broken and therefore, the bond that held the relationship together and made it real disintegrated. Broken agreements are often the catalyst for heartbreak.

The Journey of Heartbreak

•Broken Agreement •Challenging Circumstances •Crutch

What agreements did your ex first make and then break? What agreements withyour ex did you make and then break? Look and see if you can identify at leastone agreement your ex broke and one agreement you broke, prior to your break­up. Remember, agreements are contracts that are based on expectations of howthings will be in the future and an agreement can be verbal, written, or silent. When agreements are terminated, so is the future.

As you begin searching your past for your agreements, the silent agreements maynot initially jump out at you. However, keep looking. Look at the things yousaid to each other that led to the creation of verbal agreements. Look at the things you didn't say but assumed were implied.

The Power Of Agreement Exercises

IDENTIFYING YOUR BROKEN AGREEMENTS

My ex broke the agreement to

I broke the agreement to

Is There Anything Else? If So, Please List Other Agreements You Broke To One Another Below:

Check In Point

CHECK IN POINT

Before we continue, let's take a moment to do a little cross-checking. If you wereable to identify your SECRET Truth while working Key 2, please answer thefollowing:

My Secret Truth is

The Treasure I hunt on the sea of love is

Now look and see if your Secret Truth is in any way affected by the treasure (s)your ex gave you: and if so, please explain:

If you still haven't found your Secret Truth, see if you can fill in the blanks:

Having my ex's Treasure took away my concerns of

If you were able to fill in the blanks above, then whatever you wrote down afterthe word "of" is most likely your Secret Truth.

If you're still not sure what your Secret Truth is not to worry; there's nothingwrong – just something wonderful to still reveal.

NOW is an excellent time for you to fully imagine what is available to you onceyou are truly Ex-Free.

Please complete the next exercise. Take as much time as you need. See it in your mind's eye; touch it; know it; be it. I understand where you are and I also know you have what it takes to cross this threshold. We all have the power to transform our lives and BE FREE.

If I were able to be Ex-Free, I would feel so happy and free that in the morning Iwould be able to

During the day I would be able to

And at night I could finally

I applaud your courage and commend you on all it has taken for you to get thisfar; we're almost there. Whatever you do, don't stop now.

Empty The Bucket

"The purpose of our lives is to give birth to the best which is within us."

\- Marianne Williamson

In order to truly shift your perception and masterfully create new agreements andrealities for yourself, it is important that you honestly acknowledge all you haveexperienced and all you had hoped to experience during your relationship withyour ex. This will be your access to finally being complete. It's like a bucket filled with water; you cannot fill the bucket with fresh new water until you first acknowledge the old water in the bucket. After acknowledging the old water inthe bucket, you will need to pour it out to make space for the new water you willbe putting into that same bucket. Emptying the bucket, or in this case your heartand mind, is the next Key to click with in order to be Ex-Free.

We will go about this by making an honest and thorough list of ten great thingsyou can authentically acknowledge your ex for. The next step will be for you tomake a list of ten great things you would like your ex to acknowledge you for.These lists are not intended to be seen by your ex; these lists are for you and youonly.

If you set about creating these lists with the mindset that you may share themwith your ex, you will inevitably find yourself censoring and editing your thoughts, altering the purpose of the process entirely. What will make this Keypowerful and life transforming will be your ability to tell the absolute truthwithout any outside considerations. Working this Key by writing Acknowledgment Lists is no easy task, but it's necessary if you are really committed to being Ex-Free. At the end of this chapter I have provided a space for you to complete your lists. Before you begin, I suggest you find a peaceful,safe place to sit and open your heart as you empty this bucket of murky wateronce and for all.

Troy Talks...

Q: I don't have anything I want to acknowledge my ex for because all he did was cheaton me and when I took him back he cheated on me again and again.

A: Cheating is a very strong violation of trust. If your ex cheated on you several timesand you still went back to him, your ex clearly possessed beautiful qualities that farsurpassed the damage his cheating may have had on you. If these qualities weren't more valuable than the damage his cheating had on you, you would not have gone back tohim over and over again, after you learned of his cheating. Even in the midst of his ugly behavior you were able to find the beauty in him, yes? These are also the beautiful qualities that I want you to acknowledge him for because these are the beautifulqualities that you were able to powerfully see in another human being in spite ofeverything.

Q: If I list the things I wanted my ex to acknowledge me for or the things I want toacknowledge my ex for, won't that just make me want or miss my ex even more?

A: Yes, possibly. However, this exercise is designed to cut the chains that keep you"longing" for your ex. There's no getting around "missing" someone we once loved or still love. Here's the difference: Longing (n) a strong persistent yearning or desire that cannot be fulfilled. Missing (adj) Not present, absent. By listing the things you wantto acknowledge your ex for or be acknowledged for by your ex, you are simultaneouslyclaiming and releasing the things you have been longing for, things which otherwise may never be fulfilled.

In the film, I Really Hate My Ex, Brea realizes the chances of her ever getting backtogether with her ex, Kellen, are zero to none. With this newfound knowledge, Breachooses to empty the bucket with Kellen because she is clear she does not want to carrythe dirt that led to the demise of that relationship in her bucket anymore. She also realizes the only way to truly let go of the negative is to remind herself of the positive,true reasons she reached out for Kellen in the first place. As a result she becomes powerfully present to those things of which she is grateful to Kellen for.

As you create your acknowledgement list, initially it may be easier to think ofnegative things to acknowledge your ex for. Truth be told, you've probably donethat already and as you can see, the positive results you get from making your exwrong are zero to none. Why? Because on a deeper level, you're really justmaking yourself wrong for loving that person and you deepen your self-doubtsregarding your judgment of character. Real empowerment and powerfultransformative results are the outcomes of sincere and positive acknowledgments.

Whenever you acknowledge the greatness in anyone, you are acknowledging thegreatness in yourself because if you can see it, somewhere you are being it. This holds true for negative things you see and positive things you see. This is also why it's crucial to your well-being that you see and acknowledge that which is great. So, now from a space of all is right and great, begin your list and knowthat on the other side of this process, your freedom awaits you.

Dear _______________________________________________, These are the things I ACKNOWLEDGE YOU for creating during our time together:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Dear _______________________________________________,

These are the things I WOULD LIKE TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED for creating during our time together:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Having completed your acknowledgement lists, I now ask you to look and see ifthere is anything left for you to say to your ex. Is there anything else you havebeen holding onto and hoping to hear from your ex? If there is something leftfor you to say, then either write what you want to say in a letter (that you will never mail) or have a friend listen to you as you pretend your friend is your ex asyou read your letter out loud. If there are still things you would like to hear fromyour ex, share the list of those things with a friend and have your friend say thosethings out loud as you listen. Be sure to listen as if your friend were actuallyspeaking on behalf of your ex, or as your ex - the results will astound you.

The bottom line is, after each relationship, our buckets need emptying. This cleansing process will not only assist you in getting over your ex, it will clear yourbucket and make room for the bright future you will soon create. As you work and click with this key, make sure you get it all out because it only takes one dropof murk to dirty a whole bucket of clean water.

Create The Labels That Work For You

"When one door closes another door opens. But often we look so long and so regretfullyupon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us."

\- Helen Keller

I do believe there are instances when titles and labels aren't necessary. However,when it comes to healing matters of the heart, I believe titles and labels are amust. Having said this, I will also say that in order to manage our expectations, we should carefully choose the labels and titles we assign our exes. Why?Because if you see a 4-legged animal that looks like a cow, not only will you labelit cow, you will expect it to behave like a cow. If what you have referred to as acow starts barking like a dog, not only will you be confused, but depending onyour investment in the cow being a cow, you will also be disappointed. The same holds true with the labels and titles we give our loved ones. If you label your romantic partner "Your Princess," it's because that's how you've chosen to perceive her and as a result, Princess behavior is what you'll expect.

Perceptions Lead To Labels ~ Labels Lead To Expectations

Until you consciously re-label your ex, your mind will expect behavior consistentwith the label your ex was originally assigned; before you know it, your previouslyclean bucket will grow murky with regret and resentment yet again. This is whythe process of re-labeling is crucial if you are committed to being Ex-Free.

The process of re-labeling your ex allows the brain to do a bit of re-filing if you will. When we are suffering over the loss of an ex, it's often because our brain'sperception doesn't match our heart's expectations or experiences. The human brain requires a sense of comprehensive order or it will reject whatever information it receives. In other words, until the mind's perception is a match for the heart's experience, there is a glitch in the system; reality is warped andconfusion and upset prevails.

Before you proceed, I must warn you, clicking with this Key may take more efforton your part if you have hopes you and your ex may get back together. Why?Because your mind will insist on holding on to the original label you assignedyour ex so your heart can experience the behavior consistent with this label whenand if you re-unite. If this applies to you, know that re-labeling your ex won'talter the possibility of you re-uniting with your ex. Actually, re-labeling your exwill support you with the possibility of re-union. Einstein said it best, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." Byre-labeling your ex, you will instantly shift into a different consciousness, whichwill then alter your perceptions, your expectations, and inevitably create differentexperiences for you. In fact, your current relationship with your ex is the evidence that your current label does not work. If you want to see new results, you must take new actions. Creating a new label for your ex is a new action, anaction that could very well produce new results that far surpass your expectations.

So the next questions are: what did you originally label your ex? As a result of this label, how did your mind perceive your ex and what did your heart expectfrom your ex? If you're not sure what you might have labeled your ex, here are two hints.

1) The label you assigned your ex will have a lot to do with the treasures he/she

added to your treasure chest, or the treasures you miss the most since your

relationship ended.

2) The label you assigned your ex will have to do with the agreements he/shemade with you.

Whatever the label was, chances are it was a label you assigned your ex in the pastwhen you were in the presence of affinity for one another. So, the next question is, "What label can you assign your ex now?" This label should be one that first,works for you, and second, empowers you both. For instance, I had one client who labeled his ex-wife his "nurturer." I had him immediately re-label herbecause, until he did, his mind would continue to perceive her as a nurturer andhis heart would have expected her actions to be consistent with that of the oldlabel. After several tries, he excitedly re-labeled her "cultivator" because he feltcomfortable relating to her as someone who taught him how to nurture and be nurtured. The moment you choose a new, more suitable title for your ex, therewill be a shift in your perception of your ex; as a result, your expectations willinstantly alter as well.

The moment I was finally able to re-label my ex-husband "my parenting partner"instead of "my protector," my thoughts went from "I wonder how I'm going tosurvive in the business world without him," to, "Wouldn't it be nice to take ourson to Gymboree together this weekend?" That new label put everything intoperspective according to our shared priority, our agreement. It really was that simple. It was that simple because, metaphorically speaking, I finally changedthe title of our book and therefore the story that would unfold across the pages ofour book changed as well.

At this point, you might be wondering what new label you could assign your exor how you're going to find a new label that's suitable for your ex. Well, here are some ideas: Let's say your ex was a spiritual anchor for you. The treasure your exadded to your treasure chest left you feeling closer to God as you know God tobe. A perfect new title for you to label your ex might be, "Flying Angel." If youcan authentically re-title your ex as a "Flying Angel," what immediately follows isyour perception of flying and Angels, and we all know that flying things areconstantly moving and Angels are always on task. Now, once you have changed the title from Spiritual Anchor to Flying Angel, your ex will start to occurdifferently for you; again your perception will be shifted. In turn, the title Flying Angel will naturally alter your expectations. You may also find the perfect new label for your ex on the list of things you acknowledged your ex for, while working this Key.

Troy Talks...

Q: I have nothing positive to say about my ex-wife. Truth be told, I strongly dislike her. She did absolutely nothing but continuously remind me that I was worthless andshe would reject me. No matter what I did, it was never good enough. Every time Ijumped through one hoop for her, there was another hoop to jump through and anotherand another. My 14-year-old daughter asked me the other day what I loved the mostabout her mother and I just walked away because I had nothing good to say. How can I find a new and empowering label for someone I deeply despise and regret marrying?All I know is I will never sell out on myself in order to prove my love to another womanever again.

A: Whether you like it or not, the label for your ex-wife is, "Teacher." Teachers appearin our lives to have us experience lessons needed for our own growth and development.Unfortunately, your ex-wife harshly taught you a lesson regarding your self-worth andwhat you are and aren't willing to do to please another. Some teachers are kind; some are not. If you look at the real value your ex brought into your life, the result waspositive in spite of her seemingly negative approach. As a result of loving her, youlearned the importance of not selling out on yourself in order to prove your self-worth.This may have been the very lesson you needed to learn in order to prepare yourself forthe next woman you will love – a woman who is everything you want and a woman who would never dream of being with a man who didn't profoundly respect and take a stand for his worth and values. Without the harsh demands of your ex-wife, you may not have learned this lesson. She was your teacher, and when you meet your newpartner who loves you because you know your worth, you might just want to thank your ex for your wonderful growth spurt.

Q: The only label I can come up with for my ex is "Jerk," and that inspires me.

A: If you are inspired by calling your ex a "jerk," you won't be for long. If you labelyour ex a "jerk," your brain will file your ex as such and your heart will then expect yourex to behave as such. As a result, you will continue to experience your ex as a jerk andeventually this will take a toll on you. Do you really want to relate to yourself as someone who was dumb enough to give your heart to a jerk? What does that say about you? Were you foolish, naive and gullible? Saying so makes you a victim of your own intelligence or lack thereof. Most of us have dated jerks, however, even "jerks" have value. For the benefit of your relationship with yourself – for the sake of your ability to trust your future judgment of another's character - it's imperative you find a label that is empowering to you both.

In the film, I Really Hate My Ex, Jessica, like you, was certain her ex, Sean, was a jerk

– especially after learning late into their relationship that he was married with kids.However, what empowered Jessica and enabled her to shift her perception and thereforeher expectations of Sean was the new label she created for him. She re-labeled him her "Alarm Clock." Once Jessica created that label for Sean she literally woke up (because that's what alarm clocks help you do) and she became present to the fact that she hadbeen desperate to live a dream life with someone who time and time again proved to benothing less than a nightmare.

It's important you not let laziness and negativity get the best of you whileworking and eventually clicking with this Key. Be bigger than your experiencewith your ex so you can finally learn the lesson associated with this particularexperience.

People enter our lives for reasons, seasons, or a lifetime, as Ventor said. As youconsider new titles to re-label your ex, I invite you to accept that you and your exspent time together for a reason – a great reason. Please don't invalidate time you spent together in the past because of your current observation.

Create The Labels That Work For You Exercises

RE-LABELING

The OLD LABEL I assigned to my ex was

The NEW LABEL I have assigned to my ex is

And as a result, I expect my ex to do and be the following for me:

1.

2.

3.

You Complete You

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."

\- Frédérick Jézégou

Prior to creating and working the Keys in this book, I didn't know experiencingmyself as whole and complete was in my control. I depended on mathematicalfractions to measure my experience of myself and love.

If I was alone, I could only experience fifty percent of love until a romanticpartner came along and added their fifty percent to mine; only then would wetogether be one hundred percent whole. I didn't like that I could only feelcomplete if there was a romantic partner in my life, but again, I had no idea therewas actually an option besides living a single life as half a person.

Complete (adj.) Having all the necessary parts and elements; lacking nothing.

I have since come to learn that needing a partner to compensate for what islacking in my life and wanting a partner to abundantly share my life sets the stage for two very different relationships. It's the difference between having someonewho completes you, and having someone who enhances you.

The challenge with compensation relationships is that your partner is completingyou by offering you what you feel is missing in your life, and therefore, if andwhen the relationship ends, you will be left somewhat incomplete as a result. Alternatively, in an enhancing relationship, if and when the relationship is over,you are still left complete and you don't have to resume life with the sense ofbeing less than whole, or feeling as if something is missing.

Troy Talks...

Q: If I am really all I need and if I can really complete myself, why would I even needto be in a relationship with someone else – I mean – why even bother, who needs theheadache?

A: The good news is, once you complete you, you won't ever need to be in a relationship with anyone. You might however, want to be in a relationship for the sake of enhancement and being contributed to by someone you love and who loves you. Beingin an enhancing relationship will occur as an opportunity, not a headache caused byfrustrations and obligations. Either way, you are free to choose based on what you want, not what you need.

Q: How do I know if my partner is enhancing me or completing me?

A: In common with all of the characters in the film, I Really Hate My Ex, afterclicking with these nine keys, you will know when you are with a partner who enhancesyou. The difference will be, he or she will elevate you to heights you had not envisionedas a possibility for you before. If by chance they should go, you are better off as a result ofknowing them, yet there is no part of you that is less complete as a result of theirdeparture.

Now that you are aware of the treasure you have misplaced, it's time to put yourtreasure back in your chest where it belongs. Your treasure belongs within you,the only place you can truly count on finding it. In this case, asking "how" youcan reclaim your treasure is indeed the appropriate question.

You can reclaim your treasure and experience yourself as 100 percent whole by completing your personal 21-Day Freedom Action Plan.

NOTE TO SELF: It takes 21 days to make or break a habit.

In order for your Freedom Action Plan to truly work you will need to do onething and one thing only – commit. Yes, for you commitment-phobic folks yourbreakthroughs will begin before you even start your Freedom Action Plan. What does it mean to commit? It means you are willing to do your Freedom ActionPlan the way it is designed to be done and you are willing to do it to the best ofyour ability and until completion. Committing means that you will continue toremember you are not your circumstances – no matter what they may be on anygiven day. You are choosing to be your commitment – not your circumstances.

If this second to last Key feels like more work than the other Keys, that's becauseit is. However, once you powerfully click with this Key, you will forever be thesource of your own sense of completion.

What I would like you to know about your Freedom Action Plan is that thistwo-step plan is designed to support you with being someone different in the domain of relationships. By being someone different, you will do things differently and as a result you will have different experiences.

By committing to your personal Freedom Action Plan, you will powerfullyinterrupt the patterns that have been choosing your romantic partners for you.Believe it or not, the process is very simple. By engaging in new behaviors you will develop new habits. Your habits soon become patterns and patterns eventually become lifestyles.

BEHAVIORS BECOME HABITS

HABITS BECOME PATTERNS

PATTERNS BECOME LIFESTYLES

STEP ONE

The Treasure I seek on the sea of love and want the most from my romanticpartner is? (i.e. trust, love, adventure)

1) ___________________________________________________

STEP TWO

For the next 21 days, your job is to find ways to give this very thing (Treasure) toyourself. Why? Because we must learn to give ourselves what we want to receive from others. By being the source of that which we seek, we are able to show up to our relationships as already being complete. I will discuss this a bit further in the next chapter. The bottom line is:

Give and it shall be given unto you.

As you implement your 21-Day Freedom Action Plan, and take the opportunityto complete yourself, I ask that you be brave and bold. If experiencing joy is the treasure you hunt for on the sea of love, you must boldly find at least one wayevery day to give or gift joy to yourself for 21 consecutive days.

Finally, after a day of generously gifting to yourself, I invite you to record youractions and experiences in the journal section on the following pages. I highly recommend you find a daily witness, someone to hold you accountable for implementing your 21-day Freedom Action Plan. This witness should be someone you are able to check in with every day, for the next 21 days, after youperform your treasure action. I suggest you give this witness permission to be stern and rigorous with you because laziness over time can deter even the best ofintentions.

My 21-Day Freedom Action Plan will begin and end on:

BEGIN DATE END DATE

My Daily Witness Will Be

____________________________________________________.

Freedom Action Plan Journal

My Freedom Action Plan Day 1

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 2

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 3

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 4

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 5

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 6

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 7

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 8

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 9

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 10

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 11

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 12

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 13

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 14

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 15

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 16

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 17

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 18

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 19

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 20

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

My Freedom Action Plan Day 21

•Today I gifted myself by

•As the receiver of my gift, I was left feeling

Today I want to acknowledge myself because I did not allow my circumstances tostop me from fulfilling my commitment of gifting.

True___ False___

Signature & Date Today I allowed my circumstances to stop me from gifting because

I forgive myself for placing my circumstances before my commitment and my new promise for tomorrow is to

To make up for my breakdown today I will double my gifting to myself tomorrow.

Closure

"We are literally addicted to love." -Dr. Young, Rutgers University

If love and cocaine are able to produce similar bio-chemical results, it is nosurprise love activates the same neural mechanisms activated during addiction. Scientists have now affirmed that love is addictive.

I boldly assert that we are not addicted to romantic love; instead we are addictedto self-love. We are addicted to our need to experience ourselves as being wholeand complete and we will do just about anything to fulfill this craving.

After all, why do people do drugs like cocaine? Because they want to feel good in their skin. Why do people pursue love from others? Because they want to feel worthy of love and capable of loving – this makes them feel good about themselves.

Love experienced with others and the use of substances are merely two of the many bridges that lead us to feeling good about ourselves.

The most important bridge you will ever cross in search of feeling good is the bridge that always leads you back to you. This bridge is by far the most challenging to cross, but the most liberating when reached. Why? Because the most important relationship you will ever have is the one that you have withyourself. When you can be for yourself all the things you'd like to have in a romantic partner, you will attract a romantic partner who divinely complimentsand enhances all that you are for you.

Now that you have mastered 21 days of gifting yourself that which you wish toreceive, I suggest you now continue to practice being both the giver and receiver of that which you want to find in a romantic partner. For example, if you want a .

romantic partner who will wine and dine you, then, I suggest you get busy winingand dining yourself. If you want a significant other who absolutely adoreseverything about you, start by adoring absolutely everything about yourself first.Remember, if you can be it – you will have it.

NOTE TO SELF: Life is an inside job

You unlock you. With these 9 Keys, doors leading in and out of romanticrelationships can't trap you anymore. When you choose to love again, you will beconscious of your written, verbal and even silent agreements. If you experienceheartbreak again, you will know your pain is merely a beckoning for your spiritualgrowth. You now have the ability to find the treasures you hunt and create labelsthat work for you. You know you are not your circumstances, your crutch, or in need of being completed by another. You no longer have to carry a bucket filledwith anger and resentment into your future relationships. Now that you now know the boat you float, you can take great confidence in your ability torecognize relatedness with others before agreeing to form a companion-ship.

In the magical world of love, you now possess 9 Keys that will forever empower YOU to choose who you get to be – and THAT my friend, is Freedom.

Connect with Troy: www.troybyer.com www.imdb.me/troybyer http://www.facebook.com/TroyByer Twitter@TroyByer Youtube.com/user/TroyTalks Want to discuss your success or challenges with other readers of Ex-Free?

Join Troy's Circle of Friends at TroyCircle: www.TroyByer.com Troy thanks you in advance for taking the time to share your reading experience of "Ex-Free" on www.Amazon.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Troy Byer holds a B.A. in Clinical Psychology and a Master's Degree in Depth Psychology with an emphasis in Community, Liberation and Eco-Psychology. She is on schedule to earn a doctorate's degree in Psychology in Jungian Analysis and Archetypal studies by 2017. Troy has also been studying ontology and leading transformational seminars since 2001. In addition to Troy's transformational work, asan actress she has starred in twenty-eight films, written six and directed four, including "I Really Hate My Ex" based onher book "Ex-Free."

LionsGate 2015 Release ORDER YOUR DVD/BLU RAY COPY NOW AT www.TroyByer.com

  1. Chapter 1

