[MUSIC - PINK, "TODAY'S THE
 DAY"]
Hey.
[CHEERING]
Hi!
(SINGING) I used
to want to grow up.
I thought that I could be free.
But now I'm realizing--
[CHEERING]
Hi!
Yes!
Yes!
[CHEERING]
Hi!
[CHEERING]
You guys!
Seriously!
[CHEERING]
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much!
I love you.
I love you.
Have a seat.
Oh, I'm sorry I made you wait.
My nail broke backstage,
so I Scotch taped it on.
So I hope that holds.
It's actually Scotch taped on.
I don't know if you remember me.
I'm Karla Kardashian.
[CHEERING]
I'm the lesser-known
Kardashian sister.
And I've got a new baby
bump under my lady lumps.
You know what that means.
Either I'm pregnant, or I
put my butt pad on backwards.
[SIGHS]
That's humorous.
Did you-- you watch Keeping
Up the Kardashians, right?
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
I'm a big part of the
Kardashian family.
When the show first
started, I had a small part.
Then I went to see a
doctor in Beverly Hills,
and he made it bigger.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh!
[CHEERING]
That is a joke about
improving the breast size.
This season, all the
Kardashians are having babies.
Or as we like to
call them, spin-offs.
So we all know that
Kim is expecting.
And everyone is talking about
Khloe and Kylie being pregnant.
But I have breaking news.
And I'm not supposed
to tell anybody.
But I don't care, because
I'm a part of the family,
Kourtney is also
pregnant as well.
Yes.
I happen to know.
[SHRIEKING]
I know, you heard it here first.
Kourtney is pregnant.
Kourtney, love!
Hi!
Oh.
Karla.
Hi!
Stop making up lies.
Oh, muah, muah.
You're looking good, girl.
Hi, thank you.
I feel so good.
Stop making up rumors about me.
What?
I'm not pregnant.
Well-- I-- I-- what?
Karla.
Stop trying to make
up rumors like you
know all of our secrets.
You're right, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Let me help you out.
Thank you.
Oh no, the other one broke.
Ah!
Hold on.
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Should I keep this?
Yeah.
There.
Ow!
[LAUGHTER]
I confused you with Kendall,
because Kendall's pregnant.
And I know that for a fact.
That one is true.
[CHEERING]
Kendall is pregnant.
I'm telling you--
Oh, hey, I'm not
pregnant either.
Hey, Kendall!
Hi.
Muah, Hi.
This is my sisters.
I'm not pregnant either though.
Hmm?
I'm not.
You got to chill,
'cause I'm not pregnant.
You have to chill,
is what you do.
OK.
Are you Kylie?
Nope, Kendall, still Kendall.
OK, still Kendall.
Damn, there's a lot of us, huh?
Well, anyway, everyone
knows what's happening.
Did you just rub me?
Yes, the baby.
It's any day now.
It looks that way.
Anyway everybody knows
that the family, of course,
signed a huge deal with E!
For $150 million.
And I haven't
gotten my part yet.
But I don't care.
I don't care.
Because I just signed
a very big deal.
I am the new face
of Food 4 Less.
[CHEERING]
Amazing.
Take that!
Take that!
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
That's right.
Congratulations.
Yeah, you think of cheap melons,
you think of Karla Kardashian.
[DINGS]
OK.
All right, I'm glad
you're here today,
because I have a big
announcement, OK?
What?
This is perfect.
This is.
What a coincidence that
you'd be here today.
For the first time, I'm
revealing who the baby daddy
is.
What?
Yes.
This is exciting.
I know.
So I went on Maury.
And I have the
results right here.
I can't open them.
Do you need help?
I can't.
No.
Are you ready for this?
Yes.
OK.
Yeah.
The father is Shaquille
O'Neal's cousin, Jalil O'Neal.
Jalil!
Jalil!
Come on out, Jalil!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hey, baby!
Hello.
Hey baby.
Hey, what's good?
How you doing?
What's up?
Mm, mm, mm.
Oh Lord above, oh God, yes.
Yeah, we did it, oh so good.
Yes.
That's Jalil.
Aren't you so excited?
Welcome to the family.
Yeah.
Jalil, I'm so thrilled.
Welcome to the fam.
I'm the baby daddy.
He sounds like Shaquille.
Yeah.
Baby daddy.
Yeah.
Aren't you excited?
I'm very excited.
So excited to be here.
My favorite program, the "Dr.
Ellen Show," I love this place.
I love it.
That's funny.
No it's just The Ellen Show.
There's not the Dr.
It's just Ellen.
This The Ellen Show?
Now, who's going to tell e
what's wrong with my feet.
'Cause they look like
the Appalachian Mountains
when I take my sneakers off.
Oh no!
Isn't that funny?
That's terrible.
No they don't.
They're pretty feet.
Terrible.
Us Kardashians always
date famous athletes.
Jalil used to play in the NBA.
Oh.
Hmm.
That's what I did.
The Neighborhood
Bowling Association.
Uh-huh.
Oh, OK.
Still the NBA though.
Doesn't matter.
I am so glad all you could
be here for the big reveal.
I was wondering if you have
any ideas for the baby's name?
Let's see here.
Mm, so sexy, isn't he?
I know, yeah.
Let's see here, Stephanie.
See, no, no, no, it
has to start with a K.
OK.
K'Stephanie.
Ah.
Amazing.
Good one.
Good one.
Yeah, that's a good one.
We approve.
But what if it's a boy?
Kalzone.
I like it.
I like it.
He's handsome and that's
the important thing.
Right honey?
Yes, yes.
Mm.
We're so proud of you guys.
Down here.
Oh, right.
Nope, nope.
So cute.look at them.
Nope, nope.
Oh, he has a hard
time seeing sometimes.
Oh.
That's nice.
