

YOU ARE THE REASON,

I BELIEVE IN LOVE

YOU ARE THE REASON,

I BELIEVE IN LOVE

ANKUSH KUMAR SINGH

Copyright © 2012 Ankush Kumar Singh, All rights reserved.

Printed in India. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information or retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher and author.

Dedicated to

My Father

Late Sudarshan Singh

&

My College Life

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to thanks my College, which has provided me with so many happy moments that I have shared with you in this book. Special Thanks to some of my friends, who helped and motivated me to write this book.

You can make life dance to your tunes inside your college gates but at the other side of the gate, life sets its own tunes & makes you dance. So live each moment of your college life.

  * Ankush Kumar Singh

PREFACE

It is compelling to think such a tiny word as "College" can have the capability of stirring up a wide variety of emotions within people. To some, the word "College" strikes up feelings of fear, anxiety, and stress. Others associate the word "College" with feelings of excitement, hope, relief, and opportunity.

I know during my earlier years in college, this word use to fill me up with feelings associated with stress and anxiety. I remember becoming so frustrated trying to decide on a major; but I couldn't let my parents or friends dictate what they felt I should become. This was my future, not theirs, so this was my call. I wanted to wake up in the morning motivated, excited and proud of my career.

Fortunately, after going through a few confusing transitions, I am now an engineer at Dubai and my feelings have completely turned around. I now feel relief, opportunity, and excitement. I can actually see graduation approaching and it feels wonderful. However, this was not always the case and here is my college story.

I have attempted to write for first time, so I have thought to write on engineering and my college day's life. If you are an engineering student you may relate it and if not, I hope you will enjoy reading.

For many high school students, having a partner is near the top of their priority list, and some individuals may feel left out or even feel like failures if they've not dated someone by the end of high school. While in the short term having a boyfriend or girlfriend can make a high school student happy or feel that they fit in, such a relationship can have other consequences for the individual which may not prove as positive

So I finally came to an engineering college, a partial dream come true after 2 years of rigorous exams and papers. Yes, so salaries were a bigger factor, than an urge to become an engineer or I must say the dream of living a high standard life was the only driving force.

Major life changes are never easy, but the transition from high school to college can be particularly fraught with anxiety. For many students, it is the first time they have been away from home. It's not just stressful for the person leaving, however. Family, friends and especially significant others may have trouble adjusting to the college student's absence. There are some ways to lessen the strain of separation if your boyfriend or girlfriend is heading away to school.  
What I immediately noticed after coming to college was that students were here from different parts of the country having constantly very good ranks in their respective schools but what I also noticed was that like me most of my colleges had very less interest in electrical or mechanical stuff. What we had learnt in higher secondary level was basically done to secure good marks. We hardly knew our attitude would remain with us throughout. Engineering really means playing with or dismantling different types of things around for the ease of humans, but very few among hundreds had that knack. But whatever happened we have ended up in an engineering college for "four" unforgettable years of our life.

Students were now getting computers and laptops, we had internet connection in each room to stay updated about the latest technologies but we were using them to stay connected to friends through various social networking sites. Before we knew our exams were knocking the door, we always had this urge to laugh at people who used to study regularly and call them book worms but just before the exam we realize we were wrong, and the most important thing is that this realization remained only till the exam time. Thus most of the students who were ex-toppers were seen slogging before exam and praying just to clear exams.

We enjoy all other time in our college except the weeks in which exams are held and we seriously do. Staying away from guardians does provide a lot of freedom. Hanging out with friends in the campus, sleeping in class, giving proxies, mass bunks, taking computer games seriously , In fact very seriously , watching movies throughout the day , waking up at noon, we even started watching soap operas, life here is completely different . Here we proudly say that we have not taken a bath for 7 or 10 days and the best part is students who have led a disciplined life throughout now begin feeling ashamed. I don't know what we are doing is right or not but we love it.

I would like to end it by making every engineering student remember something.....

Till class 10:" study till boards after that you can do whatever you want."

Class11-12: "its only 2 years more after that it like picnic in the college, believe me its true!!!

After entering into an engineering college and getting average G.P.A.: "you were not like this, what happened to you; study hard to get placements if you want to live a happy life"

After almost 2 years, I am still not able to reply to questions which ask me what engineering is all about, or what have I learnt till now, Good or Bad I don't know but we are enjoying each and every moment here, and I suppose that is the most important thing, future will ultimately take its own course of action.....

FLASHBACK OF COLLEGE ROMANCE

We've all had our share of college romances. But not all of them are ever pretty. I found myself in the middle of a passionate college love story too.

This is the tale of two Students, who lived therein, of several boys and many girls, and especially of one Anita, her education, adventures, and ultimate romance.

Anita was the second daughter in a family of six, and by reason of her upsetting nature had won for herself that privilege of priority which by all approved traditions should have belonged to her only. She was serene and blonde; her pigtail was now worn doubled up, and her skirts had reached the discreet level of her ankles. She had a soft pink and white face, and a pretty red mouth, the lips of which permanently fell apart, disclosing two small white teeth in the centre of the upper gum, because of which peculiarity her affectionate family had bestowed upon her the nickname of "Choti". It was impossible to imagine anyone with the name of "Choti".

Anita at nineteen! How shall one describe her to the unfortunates who have never been held her in the flesh? It is for most girls an awkward age, an age of angles, of ungainly bulk, of awkward ways, self-conscious speech, crass ignorance, and sublime conceit. She had passed through this stage with much suffering of spirits on her own part and that of her relations. She remained as ever that fascinating combination of a child and a woman of the world, which had been her characteristic from earliest youth. Always graceful and alert, she sailed triumphant through the trying years, with straight back, graceful gait, and eyes a-shine with a happy self-confidence. "I am here!" announced Anita's eyes to an admiring world. "Let the band strike up!"

Some inherent quality in Anita—some grace, some charm, some spell—which she wove over the eyes of beholders, caused them to credit her with a beauty which she did not possess. Even her family shared in this delusion, and set her up as the superlative in

degree, so that "as pretty as Anita" had come to be regarded a climax of praise. The glint of her chestnut hair, the wide, bright eyes, the little oval face set on a long, slim throat smote the onlooker with instant delight, and so blinded him that he had no sight left with which to behold the blemishes which walked hand in hand. Photographs valiantly strove to demonstrate the truth; pointed out with cruel truth the stretching mouth, the small, inadequate nose, but even the testimony of sunlight could not convince the blind. They sniffed, and said: "What a travesty! Anita's beauty lived on, an uncontroverted legend.

MY COLLEGE DAYS

"Engineering" considered being a field of brain, technical knowledge and day and night study. With hundreds of engineering colleges budding in every nook and corner of the states, it has merely become a misnomer now. Moreover the level of education is not at all qualitative; it is just certifying one as an engineer with the caliber not more than a senior secondary pass. It is the field that every math's student views as his/her career option. But, I regret, that not all are able to get a quality college with quality staff. Moreover going away from home to a college at distant place that too for the first time is a tough job. Here I am going to elaborate my journey till 3rd year of my engineering. Still one long year to continue.

It was June 2004, packed up with all competitive and board results and just enjoying the vacations as if life would be the same in the coming months and years. Hardly, aware where I would get finally landed up and which engineering college had the destiny decided for me. Cautious about the career but not that much really, thinking that life would be easier and free, as it was the college time, free from all stringent school rules and daily punishments. Neither homework, nor a bulky bags just a thin notebook and pen. Fewer lectures and more bunks, and having fun all the day with the fellow peers. June passed with the same thoughts and enthusiasm. It was the counseling time in order to allot us the engineering colleges in Uttar Pradesh according to our state ranks. I was lucky to get discipline of my choice that is Electronics & Communication and that too in the college I had opted for. FET RBS College, the name of the college located in Agra, a place called as city of Taj, popularly known for Taj Mahal. At the same time I was also applying for other colleges. But finally, in August I had to finalize that college only. I was among the first ones to seek admission but was not able to get a hostel. That was the beginning of troubles.

But, I joined college late, the classes had started. The place was new, and I could hardly find any room on rent. Fortunately, I found one at Bichpuri. I made my way to it and met the guard of the building there and enquired about the availability of rooms on rent. Internally, I was little upset and afraid but externally pretending to be strong and comfortable with the situations. It was dusk, and I settled my bags and other items. Wondering the whole night that how miserable the life had become so soon. Got up early in the morning as it was my first day in the college, and had already missed two days. Thinking while brushing the teeth.

Will I reach the college on time today? (Because I had to find the way first. Was totally new to that place) what about ragging? How will be the new classmates and new teachers? Muddled up with all these thoughts, I took a bath and dressed up in very simple clothes.(Full-sleeve simple shirt and formal pant, as I thought was the criteria put up by the seniors for the fresher students). I started my journey to the college and in the way asking passersby from where I could get the bus for college. Moreover, the place is one of the hottest places in Uttar Pradesh, as it touches Delhi, Rajasthan and Haryana borders. It was starting of August, and I was sweating early morning. It was feeling as if I will soon die with suffocation. But anyhow, I maintained my grit and reached college's gate (Thanked God, found it). It was a walk of 10 minutes from gate to actual campus. With my head down, I was walking and suddenly a scream catches my eardrum saying, "Oye, come here". That shook me for a while, I turned back a little and had a glance and possibly it was a senior at 30 yards distance. Thinking that if I approach him, I will surely be ragged. Immediately, I turned off and continued myself moving towards the campus and with the steps at a faster pace and pretending I did not hear a word. That was my first and also a safe escape. Next task was to find the classroom. After going through various notice boards, I managed to enter a big hall like classroom. With all new faces, I took a backseat. Instead of looking at the teacher I was watching three guys carefully with their heads shaven completely. It was making me remember the Gurukul students of Mahabharata and Ramayana. Laughed for a while and feeling sorry for my own hair thinking that I would also join the shaven group soon. First lecture completed with these terrible thoughts. Considering still it like a school classroom that all the lectures would be delivered in a single room, I remain seated. But as the whole class dispersed I also followed them. The view outside the lecture hall was threatening. A crowd of seniors waiting outside for the fresher's to come out. The whole corridor echoed with such a noise

Wish Wish, Wish, and Wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heads down. Eye on the shirt's second button.

From tomorrow onwards everybody should be in formals with no belts and girls in suits with hair tied with red ribbons.

We all tried to escape from that place as soon as possible. The whole day went in the same confusion, searching classrooms and getting ragged every now and then. Finally the first day came to an end and I was among the few day scholars who had to go far and leave the college campus, as most of the students were hostellers. A week later I met one of my class mate named Arun, who was also in search of a room. We exchanged our numbers and decided to be room partners whenever one of us finds a suitable room, as that would be reasonable as far as rent was concerned and staying together would be helpful and more secure for both of us in the new city. But, somehow I, had to stay alone and a couple of days after, my search for room completed and I purchased my beddings and other items and shifted them to the room. Now it was a relief that I had some proper destination to come after the college hours. College continued and ragging was in vogue. It was hard to cope up with the studies and above which the fear of ragging. I was totally in a situation of dilemma where life has left me. It was the time when I learned to cook, to wash clothes and do all other little household works as it was mandatory now. Every morning I had to get up at six, then cook for breakfast, and leave the room at least at 8 am as the college was 6 km away.

Struggling in buses sometimes inside and many times on the roof. By hook or crook we used to reach college and often late for first lecture. It was 4:30 pm when the college used to get over and at 6pm I, used to reach back room. Totally soporific schedule used to make me asleep for 2 hrs after reaching room. Then getting up, deciding what to cook and buying vegetables and other food items from the market. That was the daily schedule and hardly any time to study. Weekend holidays were meant for washing clothes and completing the written work. Life continued in the same manner and slowly and gradually time passed and I also became seniors. Situations were little better now but I was totally exhausted.

Till then it has been three long years now, struggling with life everyday but habituated now and become more tough and strong with the circumstances. The entire semester completes with the same struggle and the actual study is a day before the finals. Thus from my point of view, a B. Tech Degree is not a matter of 48 months(4 years) but a matter 48 nights(48 subjects in total degree , hence 48 nights before each exam.) A lesson it has taught is that life is not that easy always. Time is one of the best teachers.

Every person who goes to sleep expects a better tomorrow when he or she gets up the next morning. For some they wish that the current day stays with them for long as they are enjoying it and for others they want the nightmare day to end, and expect the fresh morning to end up their troubles and bring new hopes. This is every man's story no different from the other, still every person believes that the problem he or she is facing is unique and he or she is being made victim for some reasons or the other. Most people expect change without doing anything. The laws of life are pretty much simple. Do not expect things to change if you do not change. The new morning will get you nothing new if you do not change. The first change that is required is the mental change which will eventually determine how happy you will stay with the current day which will eventually impact your future as well.

The new morning brings in new hope for everyone and those hopes get destroyed with every passing failure. This again is not a new story as failure is a road to success. Most people should understand this and accept failure with pride and move on instead of repenting over the past failures. That's when future will smile at you and your morning will again be filled with optimistic hopes and endless joy.

Every morning is no different and will be no different if we are not willing to change.

A new Morning. A forest of building with glasses everywhere. A building among these buildings was of Engineering College building, and the students of the college were arriving one by one. As it was around 9' O clock the rush of students increased suddenly. Everybody was rushing to reach in before 9, as they did not wanted to be late. The main door of the class was equipped with broken handle and lock.

FIRST CRUSH

Anita was around 19 and she was B.E. Electronics student. She seems to be studious and serious; otherwise it was an age of roaming and enjoying the young days. Her wish was to go to IES. But due to some problem her wish remained a mere wish.

Anita walked along the aisle to her seat, between the seats on both sides. As such she preferred to wear casuals during college hours - loose white T-shirt and loose cotton creamy trouser. Whenever there was some outing or at any weekends she used to prefer to wear formal dress. The Other girls, they were free to wear the dresses in which they feel comfortable.

Anita always used to say 'The time you are in college... you should be able to enjoy it. If you are able to enjoy the college time then you would not feel the exhaustion from it' She had increased her productivity by mixing enjoyment and hobbies with the study.

When it all began for me, it was love for the first time. And well, quite frankly, I was on the seventh cloud. The flowers bloomed in my path, the butterflies flitted merrily, and the breeze was cool and gentle. And oh yes, the sun was shining with a warmth that I could feel well within the depths of my heart.

One beautiful morning, on a narrow side in College Corridor's, I walked past of her. I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl – one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some bookish worm type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers – or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the corridor I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" Arun says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her – the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her at college pass way."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice August morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and – what I'd really like to do – explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side in College on a beautiful August morning in 2004. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Romantic movie, and stop by a Restaurant for dinner.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

*** In Dreams*****

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaner in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm twenty, and that's what crush is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd. Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle. As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

*****Dream is Dream only************

ONLINE LOVE WITH HER

"We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, and hour, an afternoon. But that doesn't diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives."

I honestly try not to think about her too much cause then that thought will stay in my head all day. When I was about to reach to my class. Through the doors then suddenly I saw her and when I saw her smile it took away my breath like if someone punched me in the gut. I see her on facebook in 2005.

As Anita arrived in the Hostel Room, she first finished the important works, and then she sat with her laptop and started browsing, checked the mails. After finishing the important works she opened the chatting session. Whenever she used to feel exhausted or when she used to be free, she used to chat, it was her daily routine. Chatting was her good finding to cope up with the college and Engineering Course related tensions and stress. When she was busy with chatting, her phone rang; she attended it, still continuing with chatting. She was accustomed to handle all the jobs in parallel fashion, as if, like computers, she was equipped with parallel processing.

"Yes Mona" she responded to her friend on the phone.

By that time a message appeared on the chatting session window, 'Hi'

Anita checked the sender's identity; it was 'Cool Guy'. What a boring and irritating person he is.' she thought.

This 'Cool Guy' used to present almost always on the chatting, as if, only to annoy her. When he is present on the chatting, and Anita opened the chatting session, it never happened that he did not annoy her with his the very first message.

'He didn't have other work or what... bastard ... always present on the chat room. 'Anita decided to ignore him today. There were few offline messages in her chatting inbox. Anita held the phone cradle in between her ear and shoulder, and started checking the offline messages, operating her fingers swiftly on the keyboard.

She paused in between to hear the conversation from the other side. During the phone conversation, her attention was distracted from the computer, because her punch line was - if its work, the importance goes to work first, and rest of the things latter.

Suddenly the computer beeped; there was some message in the chat window. Anita looked at the computer, in annoyance.

'God... Again the same 'Cool Guy'

She checked the identity of message sender, but it was not 'Cool Guy'. She sighed in relief and started reading it.

"Would you like to be my friend" the message read.

'Would you like to be my friend?' the message was still visible on the monitor.

Anita was thinking of an appropriate reply, so that the guy on other side should not trouble her like 'Cool Guy'

'Why not? ... Definitely ... But beware ... being friend is easy... but being friend in any circumstances is not that easy ' Anita typed the message and was about to send when her friend (Junior) came in.

"Madam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

'' Manju, How many times I need to tell you, ... don't call me Madam... Call me simply Anita... When you call me Madam... suddenly I feel as if I am grown up to 50 years from 20..." Anita said in irritation.

She scolded her ruthlessly, but then she felt bad.

"Yes Madam... I mean Anita" Manju said.

Anita smiled looking at her. As Manju sat before her, the computer alert rang again. There was message again in chatting window

'What's your Name?

'Anita... What's yours?' Anita typed the message.

Anita clicked on the send button and revolved the chair in the direction of Manju, "So ... What's going on in College and how's life going on?'' Anita asked.

"Everything is alright... "

By that time a message again appeared on the monitor, ' My name is Ankush... By the way... What are your likings ... I mean hobbies?'

Anita looked at the monitor, and ignoring the message she looked at Manju.

Anita again took charge of the computer. Manju got up and left the room and Anita was typing the response to the message, just arrived on the chat.

'Hobbies... yes... reading, swimming... writing some times and of course chatting' Anita typed the message and sent it, and opened Microsoft excel sheet in another window. She was absorbed in reading the numbers in the excel sheet. Probably she was checking the details of some of the syllabus.

Suddenly again a chatting message appeared.

'Wow ... What a coincidence... our likings are exactly matching...'

'Really?' She asked, sarcastically.

Anita was quite aware of this old trick of impressing ladies. Anita looked up, sensing somebody's entrance in the room. It was Manju again.

'I swear...' the chat message came from other side.

Ankush would have sensed skepticism in her worlds.

'Could you send me your mail-id please?' again message came.

'Anita5000@gmail.com' without any hesitation she sent her mail-id as her Facebook mail-id was different than her regular mail-id.

Anita revolved her chair towards her writing table, caught hold of her diary, and looking at her wrist watch she got up for dinner. As she turned to leave the room, the computer buzzer again rang. She looked back at the monitor.

'O.K. then Bye... sees you some time...' message was visible on the monitor.

In the room with my laptop, I was busy writing something. Another person Manish, almost of my age, friend arrived in the cafe and tapped on his head playfully from behind.

"Hi Ankush... What's up?''

Coming out of his trance, I looked behind and said, continuing his work on the computer, "Nothing yarr, trying to send a mail?''

"Whom?''

"A girl"

"Wow... girl... the matter seems to be of love" Manish said, teasing me.

"No yarr.. just a friend" I said.

"My friend... you agree on don't agree... When we want to talk a girl and we don't get words...

Or When we want to write to a girl and we are clueless... then be sure you are in love..." He said, again trying to tease him more.

I, just smiled.

"Look... look... how you are blushing" He said.

I again smiled, without saying a word.

"When somebody neither denies...

Nor agrees...then be sure that he is love..." He was not ready to leave him.

But now, I got annoyed, "Would you leave this place or wants to be beaten up?''

"Whatever you are thinking ... it's nothing like that... I am doing web search for my seminar topic and in between just mailing to relax..." I said, trying to control his irritation.

"That's all?"

"You are leaving right now ... or be ready to be humiliated in front of this crowd here?" I said again in irritation.

"OK ... OK... just calm down... anyway... what's the topic of your PHD research?" He asked.

"It's secret. I can't disclose to anyone" I said.

"Not to me too?''

"No not to you too'' I said firmly.

"It's good ... under the name of secrecy it is convenient to continue as many love affairs as you like"

He said.

"Whatever you assume?"

"No .. it's beyond the point of assumption..." Manish said.

"What do you mean?''

"It means. I need not assume anything."

"Why?''

"Because everything is clear and confirmed"

"You mean..." I got up to chase him, but Manish had reached the door by that time. He was smiling naughtily looking back at me.

A SHORT VACATION

Early in the morning, I was walking fast on the road carrying a bag and was really in hurry.

My friend Manish followed me almost running and chasing me, "Hey listen... Where are you going?"

I looked behind, and ignoring his friend continued further. "Hey are you eloping away with some girlfriend or what? " Manish doubted looking at his doubtful hurried movements, and as he was not stopping.

Manish was still running behind me, trying to reach me. "What a nuisance ... I even can't go out for few days. "I was muttering under his breath, without stopping.

"Just going out for two days" I said aloud, still walking ahead.

"Wait a minute... there is urgency..." Manish said.

I stopped and he ran to reach me.

"Come on... be quick... what's so urgent?'' I asked him with annoyance, as he reached me.

"So... What happened yesterday?" he asked.

"About what?"

"The same thing... about the mail... Did you send the mail?" Manish asked me putting his hand around my shoulder.

"What an idiot fellow you are!!! You even don't have a sense of what you are talking ... and what time you are talking. Here I am getting late for my bus and you are talking about the useless mail..." I said, in irritation, pushing back his hand from his shoulder.

I now continued to walk further, picking up more speed.

"What you are talking??? you know... MAIL is always important than BUS ... Now you tell me Hawra Mail, Rajdhani Mail... these are big or your kiddy Bus..." Manish was still following him.

Now I knew that there was no use of arguing with him. Without speaking a word he simply kept on walking further. He was speeding up trying to get rid of him and Manish was still chattering and walking with me.

A SPECIAL MAIL

Manju was working on Laptop of Anita. She came back in the room, finishing her classes from college. She looked into the watch; it was around 5'O in the evening. Pulling back her revolving chair, she almost thrown herself in it, and adjusted the rear of the chair to relax. Manju glanced at her, sensing her presence and again resumed her work.

"Any special mail?" Anita asked without looking at Manju.

"No.. Nothing special... there was one... as usual Cool boy's mail" Manju said sarcastically.

"Cool Boy... I have never seen such a bore person in my whole life...Did you? "Anita asked.

"Sometimes but not constant to this extent...." Manju replied.

It seemed, Anita and Manju must have a prolonged talk over 'Cool Boy'.

"And yes... there is one more... from someone called 'Ankush'" Anita added.

"Ankush... yes must be the same chap... met on the chatting... I tell you... what he would have written... I bet ... the first question would be what is your age... next ... what is your address... next... my age is so and so... my address is so and so... And slowly he would come to the point... All males are like this only. "

"He had written nothing ... as you are assuming ... "Manju interrupted her.

"No?... then he must have recommended some product from some company... so that we would buy the product and he would earn the commission..." Anita said.

"No... Nothing like that also" Manju said.

"Then?... Then what has he written?" Anita asked curiously, turning towards Manju, to look at the monitor. "He has written nothing... He has sent a blank mail... and at the bottom he has mentioned his name as 'Ankush' "Manju said.

Suddenly Anita sat right.

"Let me see" Now she approached Manju, pushing her revolving chair towards her.

Manju opened the desired mail from Anita's mailbox. Really it was blank!

"Anita ... you believe it or not... the boy has style..... at least he is different from the other boys..." Manju said, trying to get Anita's opinion.

"Will you shut up please? .... And what is that Boy. Different boy... boy with style... Did you know who is he? Where does he belong? ... What is his age? May be some crazy old man punk ... You know now a days people personalize themselves on internet ..."

"Ya...that's true... but don't worry... I will do his cyber investigation.. Right now... "Manju said, keying some keyboard keys and mouse clicks swiftly.

Within seconds a report appeared on the monitor.

"Here you see .. His name is mentioned as only 'Ankush' ... surname is not mentioned... Staying at

Agra and pursuing B. tech... and the age is..." Manju took a purposeful pause.

Anita was also seemed to be curious and was waiting for Manju to disclose the details about the age.

"B. Tech?... then must be 20+... Didn't I tell you before?"

"And his age is 21 years" Manju said, as if disclosing some long waited climax.

"So... What to do now?" Manju said trying to tease her.

"The one who wanted to give the message...

They had given it...

The heart seems to be beating badly on the other side.

Now it's your turn to express... "

"Wow what a shayari... "Manju said, praising herself.

Anita simply kept quite.

"So what to do next... come on tell me quickly" Manju was not ready to leave her.

"Nothing much.. Just delete the mail" Anita said carelessly, at least pretending so.

" No... No... don't be so cruel.... ok will do one thing... will reply a blank message to the blank mail"

Before Anita could say anything Manju operated the keyboard and mouse with her swift finger movements and replied the blank mail with a blank reply.

Today, as Anita arrived her room after the College, she took her seat and started the Laptop. After the computer is booted she started chatting program and checked whether there are some offline messages. There were none. Emotions of disappointment could be seen on her face. She started going through the reports kept on her table, in order to divert her mind. It was Manju who was smiling while observing her movements minutely, who was sitting right across her. While going through the books Anita realized the thing; she glanced to caught her smiling- "Why are you smiling so sweetly dear?''

Anita asked. Manju quickly and swiftly changed her expressions and wore a serious face. "No.. No ... I am not smiling"

Suddenly a computer buzzer rang and Anita looked at the monitor in anticipation. Realizing there is nothing which she was expecting again she pretended to read the books and notes.

"It's since two days... whenever the chatting buzzer rings you look at it leaving everything. Are you expecting somebody's message or mail?" Manju asked.

"No ... no ... nothing important" Anita said still going through the reports, probably to avoid the direct eye contact.

Again the buzzer rang. Again she looked at the monitor with anticipation, and this time she turned to the computer, moving her revolving chair.

"This must be Ankush's message" Manju said, again trying to tease her.

"Which Ankush?" Anita asked, pretending her ignorance.

"Which Ankush?... the one which met you the other day on the chatting " Manju also was not in mood to leave her.

"How can you be so sure" Anita asked, while keying on the keyboard.

"Madam ... it's visible from your blushed red face" Manju said, smiling at her.

First the expressions of 'catching the theft' came on Anita's face and then she managed to replace them with angry expressions.

"Will you leave me alone for a while... It's since long I am seeing that you are trying hard to annoy me... Go out and you will find that there are so many works pending for you... "Anita said.

Manju smiled, stood up, understanding Anita's intention and left the room. As Manju left, Anita opened Ankush's chat message, which was just arrived.

ONLINE CHAT

As Anita opened Ankush's chatting message, she realized that her heartbeats are increased. She was surprised of her own uneasy state.

She couldn't stop herself to read the message as quickly as possible,

"Hi, Good morning... How are you?"

Her fingers were about to move on the keyboard to reply back, but somehow she managed to held herself back, thought for a while.

Am I involving in all this unnecessarily?...

She made herself sure and then typed cautiously, "Fine."

Again she found her fingers restless to click on the send button. But she controlled them, and counted till hundred in her mind and then clicked on the send button. She didn't want her restlessness to be caught by him.

"Yesterday I was out of station" The message came from other side.

As if it was an answer to the question revolving in Anita's mind - 'Yesterday... Why didn't you show up on the chatting?'

Was he able to read her mind?...

Or is he a mind reader?... Anita thought.

"I see" she expressed her reaction dryly.

"Are you not going to ask something more?'' He asked.

She was purposefully delaying for the responses. But his messages were coming impulsively, as if he was typing them before getting her messages.

"Why don't you ask?" She replied.

She was feeling as if she was on a first date.

"And yes... the other day what happened you know?... I wanted to send you a mail but I didn't know much about you... And I couldn't stop myself to send you mail.. So I sent you a blank mail... "

Then, taking a lead he asked," Ok.. What do you do? ... I mean education or job?"

" I am pursuing B.E in Electronics and communication engineering... "She sent.

She knew, it was very dangerous to provide the real information, especially during the initial chatting sessions, but she could not stop, as if she was typing without having control over her fingers.

"My God!" He responded.

"Would you mind if I ask you your age?... No... I mean... I have read somewhere that ladies don't like if their age is asked.... "He asked cautiously.

'' 20 years" She replied.

"Yes.. I knew it... In fact I had searched it from your mail-id... Frankly speaking .... "Now I was talking quite freely.

She was smiling over my overall humorous nature. And knowing that he had searched about her through search engine, she felt that he is equally serious about her.

"You haven't told your age yet'' She asked.

"I have provided my real age in my mail-id information... "His reply came.

From his reply she knew that he is definitely different.

I was reading something on my laptop, when my friend came quietly, and stood behind me. For quite some time he was observing my activities.

"So master ... What does your love story says?'' Manish asked unexpectedly, shaking my shoulders.

I startled, and fumbled to minimize the open windows on the monitor.

"I have had read everything... there no use of hiding now" he said, smiling naughtily.

I opened the windows again, trying to hide the confounded expressions on his face, and said, "Look... what she has sent as an attachment"

"I see... that means the fire is equally on both sides... By the way what's her name... who has stolen our Ankush's heart" He asked.

"Anita" I said, blushing red.

"Look... How much our Romeo is blushing" Manish said, teasing me.

"Let me see... what she has sent?" Manish asked further.

Manish sat on the chair l kept beside and started reading. I intervened and started explaining him about the software program sent as an attachment by Anita –

"This is a program written by a Japanese engineer, and it is based on reflection technologies. Whenever we sit in front of a computer monitor, light falls on our face and gets divided and reflected into different colors to the monitor. This software program gathers the intensity of the different colors fallen on it and converts it into a photograph. That means if we run this program, it can gather the intensities of the reflected light colors, and could convert it into your photograph. Isn't it amazing? But while taking photograph we have to take care of certain things like... we should sit properly facing the monitor, exactly parallel to the monitor. If there is angle between your face and the monitor, the photograph may not be of good quality."

"That means this software can photograph us?" Manish asked.

"Exactly...Look this is my photograph... photographed just few minutes ago" Ankush said opening his own photograph.

"Wow... it's amazing... if it's so... there is no need to buy camera..." Manish said, in an excitement.

"That's what I am trying to say" I added.

"Wait... let me see... let me run it" Manish said, asking me to get up, and taking his seat.

Manish took the charge of the computer and asked moving the mouse curser around, "What I need to do now?"

"Nothing ... just click the 'snap' button... but... wait... first you sit right..." I suggested.

Manish sat right and moved the mouse cursor on the 'snap' button.

"Smile please" I added.

Manish tried to smile, as he can.

"Ready ... now press the button"

Manish clicked the mouse on 'snap' button. For few seconds blue 'Processing' progress bar appeared on the monitor and a photograph appeared. As the photograph appeared on the monitor, I laughed loudly and he was embarrassed face was ideal to be photographed. On the monitor it was a monkey's laughing face.

ON WAY TO BE GOOD FRIENDS

As days passed by, our mailing went on increasingly. The lengths and breadths of their mails went on increasing. Sending photos, sending jokes, sending puzzles...they were having so many reasons to send emails. Gradually Anita realized that she was falling in love with me. But neither me nor Anita ever expressed it. With every mail, with every sentence of the mail, with every photo, they were sharing every aspect of their personalities. And Anita found herself more and more attracted and immersed in my love. She never stopped herself; in fact she was enjoying the immersing rather than controlling herself. But as far as expressing love is concerned she was cautious. She had a good reason, that she still has not seen me. It was not the case that she was unaware of my love. But maybe I was also equally cautious, maybe with the same reason that I had also not yet met her.

Will he avoid me after meeting personally...?

A slightest thought came to her mind, which she immediately shook off. Because she was confident of her.

Anita was busy in chatting on her machine and Manju was sitting across her table.

While reading a message came on the monitor, Anita said,

"Manju... look ... What he has sent"

Manju got up from her chair and joined Anita, standing right behind her, looking at the monitor. These days they often used to exchange some things or the other. And Manju also always liked to enjoy their 'lovely' communications. There was a dancing Chinese baby on the monitor. They exchanged a sweet smile. Suddenly the baby started to pee while dancing, when both of them laughed loudly.

"Where did he search this stuff?" Anita said.

"Ya ... That's true... I search the internet most of the time but I never came across this animation" Manju affirmed.

"Ankush... it seems our meeting is destined to happen very soon ... Ask how... No I won't tell now... there should be some climax... isn't it? Will send all details in the next mail... Bye for now... Take care... Anita..."

Anita immediately sends it by pressing the 'send' button. A message appeared on the monitor - 'Mail Sent'

FRESHER'S PARTY

All our lives, we're been told not to judge a book by the cover. We've been told that people shouldn't be judged until we know them well enough.

These words may be told to you by the wisest and the greyest, but that still can't stop you from going ahead and judging people by their faces.

And it's not just you. Even the ones who told you not to do the judging can't help but judge people at first glance.

So what do we call them? Hypocrites? Or perhaps, we should just blame our genes.

Today the entire hustle-bustle of Fresher's party. I had intentionally selected a spot, neither at an over-crowded nor too far outside, surrounded by the green lawn. Under the pretext of Fresher's Party, all of my college friends, had purposely gathered and were chatting in a group, just for the sake of nostalgia. Suddenly, through the crowd I saw Anita entering there and all the chat stopped instantly. Anita, of the college time and the one now, was appearing to be radically different. She was a youthful girl on the brink of adolescence and was a fully-blossomed beautifully charming woman. Perhaps, I had ever seen so well-dressed and that is why I was sensing that striking difference.

Anita gave a mild smile while paying a glance at everybody and all of them too responded at her in the same manner with a mild smile of recognition.

How many times have you met someone and felt a sudden rush of emotions, good or bad? There may have been times when you felt uncomfortable hanging around someone new, and you couldn't wait to get out of the room.

It may be your first date with a very cute guy or girl, but at times, we just can't help it when our involuntary genes decide to kick in and make the plans for us on the very first look.

I was lost in my thoughts as I unknowingly elbowed someone in a bunch of giggling Girls. I pulled myself together and apologized to her. She was very pretty, and accepted the apology gracefully. Her eyes were charming.

I walked past, and her eyes reminded me of a beautiful memory. Something I couldn't have lost. My heart missed a beat, and began to pound hard, really hard. Could it be her? I turned around and wished for a miracle.

A thwack on my shoulder had me back in my senses, along with a splash of vodka on my thigh. It was one of the guys staring at me. The guys got around me, and wondered if I was too drunk. I was, I really was, and only I knew it wasn't just the drink. In my mind, I was in the middle of a teenage boy's love story. I pointed out across the room, and they followed my finger. The guys were stunned too, only for a second, until they burst out laughing.

A few hands grabbed my shirt, and a few let their hands fall hard on my sorry back. They couldn't believe that someone could make me go weak in the knees even after so long. I couldn't believe it either!

I never was the one who had any trouble approaching or picking up girls, but right now, I felt like the teenage boy who was in love with a girl in class. I knew I could never walk up to her and start talking. I really wanted to make a fast and a good impression with her. I was pretty sure she wouldn't recognize me now.

My friends goaded me to approach her; they didn't know I was still scared to talk to this one girl. I just shrugged them and pretended like I didn't care about knowing her.

I had to let her know I was smooth before I approach her, and I knew just what to do. This was impression time, and this was my only chance. I walked up to one of my senior, and after a brief conversation, I had a good old microphone in my hands in a few minutes. I wasn't a good emcee for nothing. I've proved that I was amongst the best in all the parties, but right now, I felt like this was my biggest and most hard-to-please audience.

I called out to the crowd, and I felt my confidence ooze back into me, my voice through the speakers always had that effect on me! I had the audience laughing and indulging in games and crazy activities. I tried hard not to stare at Anita. I could see her from the corner of my eye. She was whispering to her friends once in a while.

Now that's a good sign!

Sometime later, we had one of those group games that are played in Fresher's. It was just the moment I had been waiting for, the Team Building game, where people had to form groups in certain numbers or be eliminated. I made sure I'd be in the same group as her in one of the rounds, and for the first time that night, I braved an eye contact. I looked at her, with a bit of surprise, and just stared. Fake recognition dawned upon me!

"Anita?!" I blurted out in fake astonishment. I had to use a lot of fake emotions that night. She smiled. Oh god, my heart gave an instant meltdown. Our group was eliminated from the game, wrong number of people. But who cares, I knew I won. It was warm, and more than friendly.

I pulled a chair back for her to sit down. She smiled. Chivalry rules! We sat down and spoke. I spoke like I had never spoken to her.

I had given up all of what I was experiencing in the pursuit of happiness, and yet, I felt more happy sitting with all my friends. I had actually let all my happiness drift away, and ran in pursuit of something that I thought would be the only way to achieve happiness.

Anita sat down next to me, and her hands were just touching my hands the whole time. She didn't think too much about it, but I did. I didn't know why. It felt weird.

We sat down until late night and there wasn't a moment when there was silence. The dinners I remembered were sober, quiet experiences with occasional toasts and happy talks laced with ego. Here, there was no ego, it was frank, and brutal at times.

"Ankush, drop me to my place. I didn't get my car, I caught a cab" Anita snapped out at me.

I don't know how that happened to me, but I blurted out, "Hey, I'll drop you, it's cool. I've got nothing to do."

"Ok...ay... If you really say so..." and she just flashed a cute smile at me. The guys smiled at me too. Maybe they knew there was something more than just stale beer in the air.

I hadn't seen a girl smile that way at me. Nor had I ever felt my heart skip a beat before. I was so happy and intoxicated by their company, and yet, Anita's presence was doing more damage than all the others and I got into my car. We spoke all along the way, and soon, we got to her place. I just looked at her, obviously she wouldn't ask me to come up, I thought. She didn't.

SYMBOL OF LOVE: TAJ MAHAL

I was sitting on my laptop. When I opened my mail account with magic movements of my fingers, I saw Anita's mail arrived. My face beamed up with happiness. Without wasting much time, I double clicked on the mail, opened it and started reading through it –

"Cool Guy; ... on 25th my college will be off, Wanna meet you ... I will be reaching Taj Mahal around 12.30... I will wait for you at Eastern Gate. Bye for now. .take care"

I read the mail, stood up and victoriously cried, "Yess..." I cried so loudly and impulsively that other people in the room looked at me with surprise and astonishment. When I realized it, I blushed and sat down.

Now I tried to concentrate on my studies. But I was not able to concentrate and was feeling impatient, when the days would pass, when the desired day would dawn, when I would go to Taj Mahal. I was feeling urged to meet her as soon as possible. What to do next. My mind was not ready to think over the other thoughts in which she was not there. Therefore I decided to open her old mails and surf through her attached photos. As I went through the mails I glanced through the dates, which indicated that the affair was not that old. Today it was almost one month old. But I never felt that we are new to each other. As per the mail contents we have sent each other they have well formed each other's image in each other's mind. By this time we were well aware of the nooks and hooks of each other's nature.

"Would she be happy finding Ankush and Cool guy same? Or would she be different?

A thought ran through in my mind.

I was thinking while going through one of her digital album. All those doubts would be cleared once for all ... once we would meet... I thought.

Suddenly I sensed somebody's presence behind me. I turned around to find Manish smiling at me naughtily.

"So... what's up? ..." He said pointing at his zip, to tease and irritate him.

"Oh... When did you come?" I asked him trying to hide my confused looks.

"I thought why to disturb you when you are so deeply involved in your Seminar topic"

Manish said giving a little more stress on the world 'Seminar'

"When did you come... it's not good to peek in others private things... you don't have that much sense" I said pretending dislike.

"It's almost half an hour I stood behind you..... After marriage, it seems, definitely you are going to forget us" he said again try to tease him.

"Aree No yaar... How could it happen? At least I would not be able to forget you" I said pretending to hit him in the stomach.

Anita was waiting for me. She looked at the wrist watch, still there was time. She looked at the Eastern gate and the queue, to the end as far she can look. Her mind peeked into the past. The moments ran through her mind...

She again glanced at the wrist watch.

He was supposed to come by now, for the time given to him was 1, and it was 5 past 1...

May be he may have blocked in the traffic somewhere...   
And its Agra traffic... we just can't anticipate where you can get blocked... and once you get blocked... it may take hours together...

Again she looked around. Her moving eyes seized on a boy playing on the roadside.

When Anita came out of her thoughts, she found me standing in front of her. Tall, strong, everlasting smile on his face and his every movement radiated an enthusiasm and activeness. I was much smarter than she had seen me in the photographs. In fact photographs were unable to capture the liveliness in me. As we were meeting each other the first time, face to face, our faces were beamed up with happiness. For some moments both were looking at each other without a word.

Then all of sudden she asked an expected question. "Are Cool guy and Ankush is same guy????"

Anita and me don't know for how much time, were just looking at each other. Though we knew each other from about a month. Not only we knew each other, but we thoroughly understood each other, to the minute details of their nature. Still we were clueless about what to talk about.

We were quiet so much so that, we would doubt about ourselves that - were we the same, who had sent earlier each other the mails of so many pages? Lastly I talked, taking lead,

"In fact I am late because of the traffic... you know"

"I am waiting for you since 4.30" She said.

"But you had given me the time of 5.00".

Just it was warm-up or the initial time to start; then we quite nicely mixed up and started to chat, as if we were chatting on net. While chatting we were walking slowly along the corridors of Taj Mahal, and when our hands entangled into each other, we did not knew. For quite some time we were walking along the corridor.

It was getting dark now, as the sun set. Suddenly I stopped abruptly and asked Anita in serious tone,

"Anita, Shall I ask one thing?"

She affirmed with her eyes.

"Will you be my Love?" I asked straightly.

She was confused with this unexpected question. She blushed and lowered her head, not to know how to reply.

My heart was beating fast. The question I intended, I asked..

But will she say 'yes'...

I was waiting for her reply.

Did I made mistake by asking this question, at this point of time?..

Or is it was a quite fast pace...

If she say 'No' then what?...

Doubts were crowding in my mind...

After some time she said,

"Come on ... let's go"

When she opened her mouth to speak out, his heart beat was skipped.

But... What's this ... she had avoided the reply...

But I was also an engineering student; it was my nature to get an answer to the question, whatever is required to do to get it.

" ... You did not answer my question..." I intervened.

" ... Let's go ..." She said, again avoiding the reply to my question.

I was not going to leave her like that.

"Still you have not answered my question"

She was blushing red. Her head was lowered and her face was red. She was trying to

Hide her emotions by playing with sand on the beach with her toes.

"I never said no" Somehow she managed to speak, still keeping her head low.

She was surprised of her own, that at last the words found their way. My face which was gloomed by this time, suddenly beamed up. I didn't know how to celebrate the happiness. Pulling her in his tight embrace I picked her up.

When it all began for me, it was love for the first time. And well, quite frankly, I was on the ninth cloud.

The flowers bloomed in my path, the butterflies flitted merrily, and the breeze was cool and gentle. And oh yes, the moon was shining with a charm that I could feel well within the depths of my heart.

We held hands everywhere we walked and explored the "romantic" corridor. She fed me main courses, and I fed her desserts. I skipped along the clouds every now and then and wrote her name in my notebooks and on all my college benches. Even my neighborhood trees weren't spared. I was so much in 'love'.

OUR FIRST DATE

I asked for Car from my friend Manish to take Anita out for a Date. I was driving the car and Anita was sitting on the seat next to driving seat. For quite some time they were quiet, occupied in their own thoughts.

In fact I is enthusiastic, smart and good looking than she would have ever thought ... and she is how simple and uncomplicated....

In a way it is better that I had asked the question about proposal in the first meet itself...  
In fact asking that question has made mine intentions clear... and I have given her the chance to reciprocate her feeling about me...

Now she was feeling warm about me... She was started to look at him ... her future companion... a friend... who would always accompany her in her joys and grieves...   
While thinking she glanced at him. He also looked at her, sharing a sweet smile.

But would he be thinking same about her?...

"When did you study?... I mean... Every time I could see you busy on chatting and on internet" Anita asked, trying to tease me.

I just smiled, sensing the naughtiness in her words.

"How is the progress of your studies these days?" I asked.

"It's good... Why?... Anita said.

"No... I thought your continuous presence on chatting and net may have affected the progress" I said, replying her with equal naughtiness. She just smiled. She was aware and proud of his presence of mind.

As we were coming closer to the flat, Anita's heart was beating fast with some unknown emotions. As if she was engrossed with an unknown fear. Though I seemed to be following her normally, but she was feeling breathless. I opened the door and entered in. I stood in the door, as if confused.

"Come on in..." I said trying to remove the tension built between us.

She went in and took a round of the room as if fumbled. "Have a sit" I said, indicating towards a sofa and sat next to her to hold a phone kept in a corner.   
I extended my hand to pick up a phone kept in the near corner and said, "What you would like to take?..... cold or hot?"

While holding the phone her hand slightly touched mine. My heart began to pound. She also enjoyed the touch. She blushed and smiled looking at him. Her one mind warned her to release the hand but the other mind didn't. As if her hand became numb. This was an encouragement for me. I held her hand firmly and pulled her in my embrace. Everything was happening fast and it was pleasant for both of us. Her whole body became warm and her lips started shuddering. I also rested my warm and impatient lips on hers. Her one mind wanted to resist and the other was on revolt and wanted to break all the limits.

My manliness was dominating her and she was helpless. I immediately picked up her in his strong arms and lied her down on the bed aside. She sensed a supporting and claiming manliness in this act therefore she could not resist. In fact she didn't have the energy to resist.

She remembered my question, "Anita, will you be my love?''

At the same time she remembered her reply, "I never said no"

Now she felt a sense of protection in my arms. In fact she started to respond every emotion unknowingly.

"Ankush, I love you so much" the words came out of her shuddering lips.

"I too" I said, as if in her ears while kissing her neck.

Slowly my strong manly hand started to play with her delicate body. And she also clung tightly to me, as if searching for the permanent support in me for her future life.

'Yes I am the partner of your future life' with this privilege I was removing the cloths, one by one, from her body.

'Yes I am also surrendering everything to you.' With this faith, Anita also started to remove cloths from my body. Anita suddenly startled and woke up. She looked next to her in the bed. I was in my sweet sleep, without a cloth on his body. In the sleep also my one of the hands was holding her, as if assuring her. In these many days, after waking up from a dreadful dreams, first time she felt a big assuring support of his hand.

NEXT DAY

Anita sat on a chair, with worried, gloom face. On her opposite side sat Manju, trying to understand Anita's mental state. Two days were passed happily, remembering the sweet moments passed with me. But today she was worried.

"Today it is almost three days... There is neither chat message nor mail from him nor I was there in college" Anita expressed her concern.

The one who used to chat many times a day, and used to send so many mails, is quiet from three days. Really it was a thing to worry.

"Is there any contact number?" Manju asked.

"Yes there is ... but it's a Flat Owner number... it would not be proper to call for him there" Anita said.

"Yes... You are right"

"The real concern is ... did he developed some misunderstanding about me or what?"

Anita asked, as if to self.

Whatever happened in the flat was not proper... May be, because of that I is thinking something wrong about me...

But whatever happened was so spontaneous... and so sudden...

Nobody ever thought that it would happen... I would not have gone with him in the Flat...

If I would not have gone with him in the room... this instance would have not been happened in the first place...

Anita's mind was crowded with thoughts.

"I don't think, he is thinking the way you are saying... May be he is not in your contacts due to some other reasons... like... he may have gone out of station in regard with some important work..." Manju was trying to console her.

From their discussions it was clear that they have had discussed in detail about what happened in the flat. That way, she always considered her a close friend, well wisher, and always shared with her most of the private things also.

"It would not have happened if I would not have gone with him" Anita said. "Anita... don't think too much... it's not like that... and you don't blame yourself." Manju again tried to console her.

And suddenly, Laptop buzzed with a message, a mail from Ankush, to meet next day in morning at college canteen.

'Where were you for these 3 days?' Anita annoyingly asked.

'My Native', I replied with a resolved tone.

A deep sense of melancholy spread over Anita's face instantly to hear that.

'What? You never spoke this so far!', Anita exclaimed as though she was bitterly shocked.  
I was maintaining his calm after being deeply engrossed in his thoughts.

'But why? You could have informed me', Anita spoke angrily.  
'You call it irrationality or foolishness or anything else you may like!', I replied.

'But why? Will you please at least tell me that?', Anita argued.  
'There is a reason for that!', I replied.

'What is that?', Anita reiterated herself.

'I wonder whether you will fell convinced by it or.....!', I doubted.

'Will you please disclose that as early as possible now?', Anita was about to explode by this never-ending sequel of fruitless questions and answers.

'It is high time for me to secure a job as early as possible. It is my topmost priority to restore the pride of my home and if I am to secure a job as early as possible and might be I have to drop engineering!' I briefly replied her problem.

Anita was now appearing to be sufficiently calm and quiet. She was not uttering a word now because probably she was convinced by the reasoning given by I but the shadow of grief was glaringly visible on her face even now.

I said this and all of Anita's emotions started flooding through her eyes overwhelmingly, 'Is this you recognize my worth for?' Anita started attempting to restrain her sorrow and tears.

'Are you crazy?' I got up and went near her to console her, 'Wherever we may go our love will remain the same!.

'Listen to me I! Till the time you came in my life there was no direction to my life! There was no meaning to my life and I was only living the life just because I was supposed to live it!. You came in my life as a true guide and altered the entire course of my life. You gave a purpose for my life and taught me to live and now if you are to leave me alone how am I to survive in this journey of life?', Anita argued and started crying vociferously.

I could only pull her near him and kept patting on her back. He was aware that howsoever effort he was to take to convince her it would not yield any result so he only continued patting on her back calmly.

For a very long time both, we, continued sitting there on the steps of the college staircase. Anita had not spoken a single word about the decision I had taken. But even then she did not appear to have been convinced about it.

'Anita', I called her, finding that she is so completely engrossed in her thoughts.

'What?', she responded even after being engulfed in the thoughts.

'Today I am going to tell you something that I have avoided telling you so far and you too have avoided asking me those questions!', I said to Anita.

'What are those things you intend to disclose?', Anita said.

'Almost four years must have passed for that misfortune to have taken place in my family. I was probably studying in the class 8th that time. Our family of four was leading a very happy life then. My father loved me, a lot even though he never disclosed it apparently. In those days, he would drink liquor very rarely, perhaps only when he would be too happy or sometimes casually while being with friends!', I took a long breath and started telling further.

He had a huge loss in the business and that time, his friends and family turned their back on him. This mishap left such a strong negative impact on his mind that by the time he came back home he was no more the same man. In spite of us, the family members, attempting to convince him several times that he can still aspire. This affected my father's self-confidence to such an extent that he increasingly took it to consuming more and more liquor because he was never able to withstand after returning home. He then started staying more and more away from home. And then the biggest setback to our family, On 11 Nov 1998, we lost him. In the due course of time, we even started suffering from scarcity of food and diet on account of least monetary savings.

I took a brief pause and started describing troubles further, 'At one point of time in my life, the situation at home had worsened to such a pathetic extent, that I was even feeling tempted to give up my education and contribute at home by working as a daily wages labor but soon ignored that thought because earnings made through that kind of a source would not have filled the requirement. Finally, it was my mother who showed the courage and few of my Maternal Uncle helped us financially and my brother and me also contributed whatever little we could by giving tuitions along with managing our education. But that too was proving highly insufficient and that is why I had made up my mind that I will strive to complete my education and choose one such stream of education, after completing studies, that will give me a job and a fixed monthly income as soon as possible and help restore the financial health of my family'.

After my monologue was over, Anita said, 'I can very well understand and appreciate what troubles you must have suffered from in your life. I think, in the present circumstances, your decision to choose engineering as an option of a career is perfectly correct and fully justifiable' But your decision of leaving your studies will add trouble to your situation, Lets complete our studies and then we both can stand together for our family.

I looked at Anita with complete satisfaction over this unexpected reply because so far he had thought of her as a childish girl but unexpectedly she had expressed a completely matured reaction over my explanation.

College was over. A big flood of bicycles and motorcycles started coming out together. The faces of some of the students were brightly glowing with the feeling of college being over while those of few others were bearing the expressions of being utterly tired and burning with hunger.

Deeply involved in these thoughts I was moving toward my house but even then I was feeling better for the barely few moments I had spent with her.

Again I warned myself to control mine emotions and must let this happen again. Deeply engrossed in these conflicting thoughts, I did not even realize when I reached at my flat.

SEMESTER EXAMINATIONS

When the shadows of examination started looming large, some of the students applied all their time and strength to studies enthusiastically while many others got panicky about their studies. Anita too was among those who were enthusiastic about their studies since they were not among those who would get tense because all their studies had been already completed as per the planning done by her right from the beginning of the academic year and now only the revision was what perhaps only necessary thing to do. Above all she was fully aware of the fact that the semester examination is a vital turning point of life.

One funny aspect of the Semester examination is that the real merit of the students truly gets tested only through this exam. What this means is that the erstwhile scope of hiding one's merit otherwise does not become possible in the case of this examination and everybody gets to know his or her real intellect or true merit only through this examination. Obviously therefore, once after completing the studies, during their short break for relaxation, a topic pertaining to this dimension of the examination, came up between me and Anita.

'I heard Shyam is going to take a drop this year!', she enquired.

'It is an excellent escape route to hide one's own weaknesses!', I remarked, 'but how long can one continue escaping from the reality. Some or the other day the truth is bound to come out in the broad daylight'.

'He must not have been able to complete his studies!', Anita argued, 'his father had come to our home sometime ago and he was saying that Shyam's health did not keep good throughout this academic year harping his studies adversely!'.

'What health problems he is trying to make an excuse of!', I taunted, 'he continues showing his body muscles behind the girls throughout the year!'.

'But next year he will come in the merit list!', Anita argued, 'his father was saying it so confidently!'.

'What kind of people are these?', I said sarcastically, 'So far Shyam has never secured more than 60% marks in any of the mid semesters and now he is talking of directly winning a position in the merit list!'.

'Frankly speaking, it is the parents who go wrong in such situations they must recognize the true ability of their children before forming any expectations!'.

'Then what do you think is my ability?', Anita tried to build proximity with me.

'I said, abilities are to be tested by parents and not by friends!', I tossed her question funnily.

'I am confident that you will secure good marks and nothing needs to be spoken about a bright student like you but it is me who is headed for a major debacle',

'Anyway, let it be!', I said and raised the same topic again, looking at Anita now, 'Who else is going to take a drop this year? What is the 'insider news'?'. I was obviously pointing toward the group of girls.

'You won't come to know that unless the examinations begin!', Anita replied, 'because girls do not usually disclose this so overconfidently like the boys do!'. Further she easily said, 'What is so great about taking a drop? Just abstain yourself from appearing for one of the subjects examination and the drop is made!'.

'You are saying it so easily as if you are yourself intending to take a drop!', I mischievously asked.

'Let us see!', Anita only shrugged her shoulders.

'You crazy girl! Are you seriously saying this?'.

Anita said this so casually that I genuinely felt apprehensive that she was indeed thinking of taking a drop.

'No! What I mean is that if we were not to have adhered to your plan then we would have definitely been panicky today!'

'You are perfectly right to say this Anita!', more important than actually studying is how to study following a proper design and schedule!'.

'All I simply mean is that the success comes in the lives of only those who understand that it is he or she alone who has to face the battles of life!', I passed a concluding remark.

'By the way, what is happening between that Pinky and Sanjay nowadays?', I turned now to a relatively soft topic.

'It seems that they both have come too closer to each other!', 'they meet in gardens and keep roaming together!'.

'Indeed both of them love each other!', Anita said.

'Love!!!!!!' what foolish concept is this? How can they even think of this when examination is confronting them so bluntly?' I replied, 'They must have come to know about their true fate now. Those who cannot face the harsh realities of life only sustain themselves in such dreamlands!'.

'I fail to understand what is wrong between love and this chap?', Anita instantly remarked, 'raise the topic of love and he is bound to speak against it!'.

We had, by now, started spending time for studies intensely because there were hardly eight days remaining for the examinations to begin. Through these last eight days doing one last revision was necessary and above all doing it properly was extremely important. Examination started after the eight days passed. Every day we were supposed to appear for one paper. Now all of us started studying independently at their respective homes since each and every moment was important. Every day the examination was scheduled at 10 o'clock in the morning and after finishing it at 1 o'clock in the noon, we would return home for lunch and take-up the preparations for the next day's subject. After each examination, the only brief time we would stay together to enquire, 'how was the examination for that respective subject?', and then separate for going home on bike together.

Almost all the examinations were through now, as per the schedule of per day one subject, except the last today. It was only a formality remaining to be completed for ending the schedule of examinations. After that paper was over all the students started coming out of the examination hall. Everybody's face was flooded overwhelmingly with joy at last as though the faces that were appearing grim and tense under the fear of examinations had now suddenly changed into a blossom of joy and happiness. A huge crowd of students gathered outside the examination hall and everybody was craving to talk such that the scene was appearing funny because there was no one to listen except that everybody was talking. All of them started toward their respective homes holding their bikes in hand or by bus and even though it was a time for lunch no one seemed eager for it or even appeared to burning with hunger. After the discussion pertaining to how each of the went through each of the examinations, the focal point of overall discussion now turned to how they were to celebrate the thrill of having finished with the examinations.

Not with much debate all the groups of students unanimously passed a resolution that they should go and watch a movie after first having finished with lunch. It was impossible to attend the 3 o'clock cinema show since none of them could sense that it was already 2:30 pm while being thoroughly engrossed with chatting and therefore we decided to gather outside the Sanjay Talkies at 6 o'clock in the evening. It was only then all of them paced toward their individual homes.

Right since 5 o'clock the groups of boys and girls of FET RBS College started gathering in the lounge of the cinema theatre. Although there was a lot of time yet for the next show to begin, the queue for the tickets was already increasing because the movie was recently launched. All the groups of students appointed a leader of them and handed over necessary amount of money to him or her asking them to stand in the queue so that the remaining of them would be free to continue chatting.

We (Anita & me), were chatting in another corner and yet another group of students started a round of discussion about her.

'Why do this girl continuously keeps herself in the company of Ankush instead of mingling with the group of those girls there?', one of them asked.

'My dear friend, They both are from same city!', another replied.

'So what? If she is from same city!. Are all the girls behave this way?', the third boy remarked.

'That Ankush too is a shrewd guy!. Under the pretext of studying he entered her home and now......!', one more of them contributed.

'Now what?', one of them asked.

'What? You don't know anything?', the second boy replied in surprise.

'No! Not at all!', again came the same reply.

'Not just now! I will tell you some other time!', the second boy calmly said.

On the other hand there was a different discussion going on between us standing in a corner.

'The movie appears to be a good one!', Anita said, looking at the different posters placed in the showcases and hanging on the walls there.

'Nothing can be told about a film going by what is displayed on posters!'

'The movie has been launched just yesterday otherwise by now we would have easily come to know about how good or bad it is!', I remarked.

'Our neighbor Ram was telling that it is not so really good but only slightly better than the one on display at the Subhash talkies!', the second boy contributed.

'That means we don't have any other alternative!', she said.

'Why not? We do have another alternative!', I replied.

'What is that?', Anita curiously asked.

'Wait for the right movie to arrive and watch it only when it is approved by others!'.

'What rubbish! Will it ever happen that the examination got over today and we should not watch a movie immediately thereafter!', she reacted.

'That is the precise mistake we often do!'

Right at the same moment the first bell rang.

One more queue was shaped outside the entrance of the cinema hall. All the boys who had stood in the queue to buy tickets came and handed over the tickets to their friends and then they too joined the queue to enter the hall.

Exactly at 9:30 PM the cinema was over and all the boys and girls started coming out of the theatre with their confused faces. Their expressions alone were sufficiently proving that the film was not any good worth watching.

'The whole of our nice time was utterly wasted!', she said irritatingly after coming out of the theatre.

'How can you say it was wasted!. Even from this bad experience we have learnt a good lesson indeed!', I replied.

'Great! Great! You are truly a philosopher!', she admitted holding his both palms like a namaskar in front of me.

'I remember a joke now, but not now! I will tell you sometime later!'.

'Why not now?' she asked.

Once again while returning from the theatre the students were chatting among themselves overwhelmingly except for the fact that the topic of discussion was revolving not around the examination but about the film they had watched.

'What a boring film it was!', one of them said.

'There was hardly any story for the film!', another of them said.

'But the heroine was showed beautifully from all angles!', another boy mischievously said.

'It is only because of these rascals the films such as this one that lay all its focus on body exposing even with a bullshit story run well on the theatres!', another guy remarked sharply.

'What is bullshit about it? And body-exposure is also an excellent art!', the same boy argued in self-defense.

'What nonsense art are you talking about?', another guy remarked.

'Of course it is an art!. Reaching an exact balance between an actress's body fully covered with clothes and the one exposed with all her feminine beauty is not an easy task to achieve. This is so because when a body gets covered more and more the film turns boring and when it is exposed beyond a limit then the film becomes very nauseating. Making a film that does not appear to be boring and yet not even nauseating is indeed one of the definitions of art itself!'.

'Wow! What an excellent analysis! You deserve to be a great analyst!', another boy complemented.

'Yes! Quite right! He is excellent at making an analysis......of bullshit concepts!', the same critic opened his mouth again.

After cutting some distance from the cinema hall, the big group got split into smaller ones while approaching their homes.

SEMESTER BREAK

With the passage of time passing swiftly nobody even realized how the examination approached and was even finished. After the examination got over all of them spread for their Village/Town to all their relatives to enjoy the holidays. The day of examination being over was a day of full joys and overwhelming happiness because I was feeling to have finally broken my chains and freed myself to taste the spirit of independence. Now there was no tension and no worries at all. I was now completely free to do anything except studies. Not only had been freed from the awesome responsibility of studies but anybody who continues to do the studies even after the exam was over should necessarily be deemed as a fool only.

But the human nature is also a very weird phenomenon. After finishing the examinations all of these boys and girls tried venturing into all forms of entertainment such as chatting, playing, watching films and simply relaxing or loitering here and there but soon they realized what limitations each of these methods had or perhaps because all their money to be spent for enjoyment too was exhausted by now.

Sometimes they were even feeling that the times of studies were at least better because they were not feeling stressed to think of what to do next anytime. The mind that was constantly busy in studies was now feeling absolutely free and therefore sad too.

An individual who is constantly overburdened with work if let free absolutely then he does enjoy the freedom but only temporarily because later, especially after the first stroke of joy is over, a mysterious sadness grips his or her mind. That is the precise reason why each of them were quite literally running away from their village or town to variety of their relatives either under the pretext of holidays or even under the trivial excuses like a wedding etc. Even Anita went to meet her grandfather. But I had no such options and there was also a problem of money. Therefore I stopped at my home only and started spending time at the library. During this phase of my life my reading habit flourished and I read biographies of many prominent people. I also read the fiction stories written by prominent freedom fighters and the prominent authors. Later I also read the humorous literature of renowned leaders like P.K. Atre or distinguished authors like P.L. Deshpande. Slowly, I was enjoying the company of books and above all what was more important that the books were successfully keeping me sufficiently occupied also.

But when the date of the result started approaching near and near, all the students who had gone out started returning back. Now none of them was facing the problem of spending time because now most of their time was being spent in thinking about the probable result.

HER SURPRISE VISIT

It was the evening time but still there was lot of time for the darkness to spread. The atmosphere was very pleasant. Those who wanted to go for an evening stroll were slowly coming out of their houses. I saw Anita was riding on her scooty through the road. While riding the scooty her hairs, styled as bob-cut, were flying on her forehead, and her manner of removing them back from there using one hand while riding was appearing very attractive. Moreover, after every brief spell she was also resetting her skirt blowing up on the air and even that action was quite pleasant. After covering some distance she moved on one edge of the road and stopped it near the compound with a wooden gate on it. After putting the scooty on its stand she locked it first and then approached the gate of my home. All her actions, such as stopping the scooty and resting it on the stand were following some beautiful captivating rhythm. While peeping over the gate and opening it, she glanced over the open space in front of the main door to see whether anybody was sitting there. Since it being an evening time she hoped to see somebody from my family sitting there in the open space or at least I could be there. Contrary to her expectation of the evening time, the main door too was closed.

Have all the people gone out, She thought.

She first opened the gate and stepped inside the open space. Then she glanced here and there since she was coming at my home for the first time. Similarly, not a single window of my home seem to be open. All the windows were closed from inside. She approached the main door of that house. Fortunately, there was no lock hanging on the door which, she was assured, there must be somebody inside the home. Perhaps, Ankush's mother must be alone at home or it could also be that Ankush must be alone at home and he must be engrossed in his studies inside his room.

She gave a thought to all this, came near the main door of the house and raised her hand to ring the doorbell. Her arm, raised above to ring the doorbell, came down automatically after realizing there was no switch to ring the bell. Then she was forced to knock on the door and wait for someone to open it. But she could not sense any movement inside the house and therefore she knocked on the door once again. Even then there was absolutely no movement being felt inside the house.

Now she genuinely wondered whether all the family members had gone out. She also felt tempted to go at the backyard of the house to check whether the backdoor was locked since she had, by now, come to know that in order to prevent thefts taking place the people of this town had a regular practice of locking the backdoor from outside while going out.

For a couple of moments, Anita even felt tempted to visit the backyard of the house but she avoided going there because firstly she was coming to that home for the first time and secondly she was not even knowing the exact layout of the backyard of that home.

Finally, she turned back and started going toward the wooden gate of that house but suddenly she heard the noise of the door being opened. Therefore she turned back only to see me standing in the door.

Then Anita said, 'I thought there is nobody at home?'.

Hoping that I might call her inside home, she stood near me. But I came out and pulled one of the chairs kept in the open space and invited her to sit on the other.  
'Come! Let us sit outside only!', I said, 'Sit on that chair!'.

'I had come to you to borrow your notes of Switching Theory', Anita said to me, 'unless you don't need them now!'.

'No! I don't need them immediately for next two-three days!', I replied, 'because currently I am studying the Mathematics. But after three days I will need them back.

'I will definitely return it to you within two days', Anita assured while removing the hairs blowing over her forehead with the wind.

I was secretly watchful of her hairs appearing on her forehead with the flow of the wind and her typical pleasant style of removing them back. Suddenly, one middle-aged woman came there out of the house. She was combing her hairs.

'Meet my mother', I introduced Anita to my mother, 'Mother! This is Anita! My classmate!'.

'Good evening aunty', Anita greeted my mother and she in turn gave a smile of acceptance.

'Whose daughter are you?', mother affectionately enquired.

Experiencing the warmth in her voice, Anita invariably remembered her mother.

'My father's name is Mr. Ulhas Kulkarni', Anita promptly replied, 'probably you may not be knowing him because he was located earlier in Bokaro Steel City and we have recently shifted here after he was transferred'.

'Where does your father work?', mother asked.

'He is in State Bank!', Anita replied.

Suddenly, some noise was heard from the kitchen of that house and my mother turned back and yelled, 'Coming! Coming! Baby!' and she went inside again.

After my mother went inside again, for a couple of moments both, Anita and I spent in silence. Perhaps they were thinking what to talk next.

'Can you give me those notes?', Anita reminded me.

'Just a minute!', I said and went inside home to get them.

'What for has he gone, to fetch the notes or for something else?', Anita was thinking about me, sitting in the open space outside his home, since a lot of time had passed away after I went. Suddenly, she sensed somebody standing behind her. She turned back and found me with notes in my hand.

Anita flipped through the pages of those notes and spontaneously said, 'Your handwriting is really very beautiful'.

'Even you have been endowed with one beautiful gift', I responded.

'What is that?', Anita curiously asked.

'Your teeth are marvelous', I explained.

'Is it?', Anita blushed with all pink colour being spread on her face with eyes looking down.

'Thanks that you came to my home, at least under the pretext of notes. I am delighted', I said.

Anita felt confused what to say on this.

'No! Usually no one comes to us!', I said further probably because of my family financial situation.

Anita sat there in silence for few moments and then got up to leave. She then assured, 'I will definitely return your notes within two days. Precisely within two days!'.

'I know you will!. Not an issue at all!', I too got up and came as a courtesy to drop her up to the gate.

Failing to comprehend what to say, Anita brought her scooty out of the gate and said to me, 'Bye for now!'. While she was ready to move ahead I stood there to bid a farewell to her and responded equally.

For a long time I continued standing there in the gate looking at Anita till the time she moved away from his sight.

BONDING OF LOVE

Slowly the bond and relationship between Anita and me started growing. Discussing on many subjects together, sharing jokes, and chatting together became routine activities. We used to chat together so frequently but she never spoke again about my troublesome family background. Frankly speaking she never dared to raise those topics and nor I volunteered to describe anything further about it. But after witnessing all of those troubles constantly present in my life, Anita had started respecting me for my determination to move ahead in life. 'What an inspiring will!', she always felt curious and surprise toward me for this.  
Once I went to Anita's house to meet her. I had already informed her that, I will be coming to her house. She was waiting for me, and for whole day, there was a silent smile on her face.

When, I reached her home, I knocked at her gate and irrespective of her visit at my house, she opened the gate within a minute. We sat in the dining room and Anita's father came out there. He glanced at us but we were so deeply engrossed in our chat that we did not notice him at all. Her father was holding one carry-bag in his hand and it appeared that he was going out for some work. He went up to the door and wore sandals and again glanced at us. Even then we did not notice him at all.

So he called at his daughter, 'Anita'.

Startled by his voice, Anita looked at him and got up to say, 'Papa, where are you going?'.

I got aware of his presence and too started getting up. But he generously said to, 'No need to get up! You carry on with your studies! I am just going for purchasing some commodities from market! Please look after the home!'.  
'Don't you worry uncle! We are there to take care!', I assured.

'Yes! I could see that how attentive you are', her father said mischievously.

'I was going out and yet you did not notice me. A thief won't have to strive hard to steal anything after entering from outside', he replied.

'Papa, you are worrying unnecessarily! What is there precious in our house to steal from?', Anita retorted at her father.

'Anyway, I am getting late', Anita's father said while stepping out.

Suddenly Anita remembered something and she loudly yelled at him, 'Papa!'.

'What is that?', he answered from outside.

'Please get few more essential commodities while returning home', Anita answered.

'What are that?', father replied.

'Get some tea powder, milk and a toothpaste', Anita replied in turn.

'Anything more?', Anita's father replied sarcastically.

Realizing his sarcasm, I smiled at Anita.

But Anita replied, 'No! That's all! But don't forget to get it!'.

'Sure my child!', father replied and immediately thereafter was heard the sound of his two-wheeler being started.

'Bye Papa', Anita yelled again.

'Bye for now!', came the reply and then came the sound of that two-wheeler moving out of the premises.

'But Anita, your papa is really great!', I said.

'Yes indeed! My papa is really great!', Anita replied with pride.

'But won't you like to know why was I calling your father great?', I asked.

'Yes! Quite right! Why did you call my father great?', Anita asked.

'Just casually! I felt like that and hence I called him great!', I replied.

'My father loved my mother intensely, even today his passions for my mother are the same', Anita whispered as though her memories were awakened.  
'Do you know, it was my father's love-marriage!', Anita said.

Love-marriage, and that too in those orthodox days?', I exclaimed with surprise.

'What a foolish question! Does love-marriage is subject to any times? It only takes love between a woman and a man and there is no guarantee when that bond may flourish between the two. But once formed, it happens irrespective of any hindrances like caste, creed, community or even religion!', Anita asserted.

'You are quite right!' I agreed.

'Of course, anything told about 'Love' will appear true to you', I remarked mischievously to her.

'And do you know how the love story between them blossomed?', Anita asked by ignoring my remark.

'How did it happen?', I curiously asked.

'You know how it happened......', Anita started narrating the story, 'My mother must be hardly in her early twenties that time, perhaps 22-23 years old. She suddenly developed apathy for this material life and sought to retire at Mount Abu by renouncing all the material pleasures'.

'What for did she go there?'.

'What do you mean what for? Of course for leading a saintly life!', Anita replied.

'No! What I mean to ask is that then how did the love between the two occur?',

'Actually what happened! My father was distantly related to her and he took the initiative', Anita started explaining, 'to persuade and bring her back from there'.  
'Then what happened next?'.

'Then what? He went and succeeded in his mission. In the meantime, the love blossomed between the two', Anita plainly answered.

'What a fascinating love story it is', I exclaimed.

'It is a new concept altogether! Worth making a film on it!', I opined.

'What happened thereafter?', my curiosity was not quenched.

'What next?, you idiot!', she shouted again, 'Next they both got married and I was born! What else do you want to happen?'.

'But their love between the two was indeed an ideal love', Anita was still lost in her memoires, 'anybody would feel envious of it'.

With all this pleasant time, our vacations was about to over, and once again, we had to return back to attend our college and for the new dimensions in our relationship.

COLLEGE DAYS

While returning to join & attend the college was, with no doubt, the most eagerly anticipated. Every day was going very smoothly with time and our love was sailing on ships of heaven.

They say time flies when you're having fun, but holy crap. I have whiplash from how fast the past three years went by. But here we are, one final year and the freedom of choosing our own schedules. Time goes by slow but what's gone is gone for sure, what you do now is what counts, what will happen later who knows. Live each day as if it's our final day, laugh and the world laughs with you, sulk? I'm sure you will find a reason not to. Chase your dreams and don't lose out, if someone tells you that you can't do something fight back hard and prove them wrong. Be clean, make friends you can count on, create memories you can remember, solve your issues and grow up, for final year comes only once, once for you and once for me, final year.

The most amazing feeling in the world – to be in love!! :)

It encompasses in one the happiness, the mood, the power and everything you would need. And best thing happened is that; we became project partners for our final year Engineering project. So, we started to spend more time together even after college too, generally for discussing about project requirements, studies, and carrier and off course for our love. She use to come to my flat and we started studying together and working for our project work. We did not even realize how the days passed in meeting, discussing and studying together.

Once Anita arrived at flat on weekend little early than usual and we began studying. It must be about 6 o'clock at evening. Instantly, at that moment itself, the electricity supply went off and a thick blanket of darkness spread everywhere, both, at home and on the roads outside. The sudden confused noise of the people could become all the more audible probably because now all the electrical equipments like television, fan etc. had stopped functioning.

'Nowadays this frequency of electricity supply being cut off has sharply increased, isn't it?', I said while trying to look at Anita through darkness.

'I will get a candle!', I said and got up to go inside the room.

Anita sensed my movements of going inside the house to fetch a candle and she continued sitting there in the same position but soon she started feeling very hot, the prevailing season being the summer, and especially because the fans had stopped functioning. Therefore, after some time, she got up from her chair and went to stand near the window where the cool breeze was flowing. Very soon she heard a loud noise of somebody falling down strongly and wailing out of severe pain fallowed by the sound of falling utensils.

'Oh! My God!', She thought, 'I have fallen down due to darkness!'.

She hurriedly went inside the room but could not locate me on account of thick darkness.

'Ankush!', she called.

'Oh! My God!', she heard the my sound wailing out of pain.

'What happened Ankush? Did you fall?', She repeated her question and moved toward the direction from where she heard my wails.

While searching for me in that thick darkness she suddenly happened to touch my body and she instantly withdrew her hand as if she had suffered an electrical shock.

'I had fallen down after my feet was twisted!', I said while trying to get up from there holding on the grip of her shoulders.

My heartbeats started increasing sharply with that soft touch of her hand and such a close proximity so much so that I could sense each single breath of her. The sweet beautiful fragrance of her body started making me all the more restless because I too was sensing the increasing speed of her heartbeats responding equally passionately. Even my body temperature started rising fast and soon she also kept her hand on my shoulder under the pretext of enquiring, 'Hope it is not paining too severely!'.

'No! No!, not that much!', Anita leant on my arms and I tried to walk while saying, 'But sudden strokes of pain are coming!'.

Thereafter all the subsequent actions took place with a couple of seconds. I wrested my arm around her shoulder and pulled her instantly near myself. Even she hugged me instantly without making any opposition whatsoever. The speed of breath of both of us had increased sharply and both were sensing it fast. I softly raised my head over her chest and gently moved my palm across her face and soft lips. I was seeing her everyday but this was the time I was experiencing her sensual presence again from such a close proximity. Even she raised her hands and inserted her palms through his thick hairs on his head such that the excitement would grow further. Instantly, both of us stopped for a moment because now a conflicting battle of thoughts was raging in our respective minds. That conflicting battle was to eventually culminate into the final triumph of some or the other thought only and that is what happened soon. I soon passionately drew her all the more closer and touched her lips with own and kissed her intensely. Even Anita responded in an equal zest and her lips too soon tasted the charm of being wet with my restlessness such that both of us were only short of being blended into each other's wave of sensual pleasure.

She was still breathing heavily, hair falling on her face. her cute black Top was all pressed and ruffled, the zip carelessly opened and shirt unbuttoned.

Her intense gaze unnerved me and I suddenly felt self conscious. As I moved towards her, she suddenly stood up.

I backed and almost stumbled over one of the sofas. She caught me and I felt my breath catch. I drew her close and pushed her against the wall with a soft smile on her lips.

I felt at ease. This was Anita, my Anita, whom i'd know for the past 4 years of my life. I knew that she loved me as much as I loved her...maybe even more if that was even possible.

I looked into those beautiful eyes which had seemed to touch my heart the first time we'd met, right now, they were burning, alight with fire. Consumed by them, the same fire shouldering me, I seemed to forget everything.

Her touch was tender yet possessive and passionate. Her hands on either side of my neck sent shivers down my spine.

I pressed her against the wall, and pressed myself into her, her hands now on resting on the wall with me in between.

I kissed her soft and slow...her lips touched mine then retreated then touched mine again until with a quick catch of breath my mouth fused to her. Her thumb rested on my lower lip, pulling it open ever so slightly so that she could enter me.

It was such a sweet kiss that I felt myself going gooey, my heart melting.

My hands fisted in her hair drawing her closer, pulling her further into me until we were totally mashed into each other, became a single entity.

She drew the zip of my trouser down, and slid her fingers inside the long sleeves, tracing patterns down my arms. Her touch made my heart beat crazily.

I found the lower end of my sweatshirt and slid her fingers in and up, until one hand rested on the small of my back, which she pressed so that I was bowed against her, the other hand rested on her back for support.

Her mouth found mine and her tongue entered twining with mine eagerly. I felt heated, my breath coming in pants almost too loudly...

My lips moved down to her neck, kissing at the hollow of her neck.

"Anita" I whispered, her breath coming ragged, her voice husky.

I never knew that it was possible to love someone so much or to be loved so completely.

She made me forget everything, she made me forget myself. I knew her, and she was the only thing worth knowing. It was enough.

GOOD BYE MY STUDENT LIFE

Now I have only 1 month left in college. I feel so delight but little bit sad to say goodbye to all of my friends here. My life in college was so adventurous. So many things happened and I learned a lot from the college. Now I am ready to fly. I am ready to work and so excited too. But some where I was afraid too, whether I and Anita will be get job in same city or destiny will play some dirty joke with me.

All through my life up until now, I've controlled how to express my emotions, not because I didn't feel them, I felt them very deeply, but I certainly suppressed my inferiority and discontentment. I knew how to pretend I wasn't hungry, to act like I wasn't cold when I was freezing , and to feel like people's words didn't hurt just because my state didn't give me the liberty to complain. My young heart was screaming up to the top of my lungs but words seemed hesitant to come out. I was mum as if the feeling never exist. There were several moments in my past life that my pride was confronted and had to convince myself to understand and give pardon although I knew things weren't right. I was tired of this negative emotion and I felt so dissatisfied. My fierce motivated me. They provoked self-challenge. I had to stop so I had to get in my way. I had to lift my spirit to be able to get to a point where I could be? Somebody, I had to analyze my worth and prepare myself to my own battle of survival to defy life.

Life is full of trickery, full of twists and always unexpected. Every road I have been clumping seems all up hill. But, I have to remind myself that I have nowhere to go except up as I have already been at the bottom for the rest of my life. I have taken the chance and took the risk because I knew that at the end of this journey, there would be another beginning to look forward to. And by the time it would come around, I would be much more prepared just because I had grown. But I had reached the point to think how I would be able to climb that hill - the road is steep and cliff is death defying. But that's where I am going. That's where I am headed and there's no turning back. Whether I am clinging to a rock or jumping off on a cliff, they are both scary things to do for me. I have no option but to just throw myself to the wind and just say, "All right life, Here I am!" What I think is important now is to act and not allowing those to block me, to learn to live with them and to carry them around.

But this life is such a fool. After this very long, long journey, when I finally see the victory at the end of this road, life comes dressed up like detours or roadblock and sometimes, as full blown breaking point. No matter how I am persistent and motivated, life would still kick me and kick me again when I am already down. I failed multiple times, maybe ten times or even a hundred times and I couldn't find the strength to get back up. But this life has so many lessons to teach me. If I am down with my face on the ground, I would try a hundred times to get up. If I fall a hundred and give up, I realize that it would be the end of my journey. So, I won't give up. I will try, and try and try again even a thousand times because this is not the end and I have to end this strong. So to every fall, I have to find that strength to get back up. I have to find that strength to persevere and endure its toughness in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

But then again, I am just a human being and there are several ways my self-confidence can get destroyed expecting too much from myself, setting my expectations so high and at the end, setting myself for disappointment. At one point I am hopeless, I realize that I am the only living person who believes in my dreams that everything I do, regardless of how I am going to do it, I still fail. This pain is just too much that I want to just breakdown and scream the hell out. I am helpless to convince myself that I am strong and I lost the courage to move on, I lose faith. I'm feeling so tired, very tired. I feel like I'm not destined to succeed at all. I was never been miserable in my life. I seem to have lost all hope in everything. My motivation has evaporated into thin air. My self confidence and self esteem has hit an all time low. For a long time now, I never let myself to grieve because I hate to let my emotion to take over --- until today. This time, this feeling has to be acknowledged - my tears are now out of my control.

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while so that we can see life with a clearer view again. There are moments in life that that we feel so down but those are the times that we have to remind ourselves to keep focused on believing ourselves. It may not be easy at times but in those struggles and difficulties, we will find the essence of who we really are. So when the days come filled with life- bothering frustrations, always believe in ourselves and all we want our life to be. Rest if we must, but don't you dare quit! After all, this is still a beautiful world to live no matter what! Keep shinning for our day is still to come. Always be patient.

RECESSION & JOB

Life is full of trickery, full of twists and always unexpected. Every road I have been clumping seems all up hill. What I was feared of that happen, the great Recession of 2009 has engulfed the whole world and there was complete freeze of jobs. Where ever you apply or where ever you see "No Vacancy" board was there.

Apart from "No Vacancy", lots of working professionals also lost their jobs and it created an environment of panic in the pass out engineering students.

Somehow, Anita got call from a private software company in Mumbai. After completing the engineering course, my day had become completely empty. I had nothing left to do and applying for jobs alone became the activity I soon got extremely busy with. If I would be willing to leave my hometown and go somewhere else, it was not difficult for an engineer of an excellent grade and qualification like me to secure a job. But it was not possible for me to leave behind my house or even seek employment even in any town nearby because although I was the youngest in my family yet the entire responsibility of my family was resting on my shoulders only and if I was to go leave the family behind it would have lost its balance all the more easily. The entire hope being rested upon me alone, going to any other town was equivalent to leaving the family in lurch since I was the backbone of the other members of his family viz. my mother and brother. A lot of time was spent in searching for a job or applying for the newspaper advertisements. Even Anita was trying hard for me to secure a job and using her father's contacts she was trying her best to help me get a job. All said and done, the harsh reality was such that, everybody's efforts were not yielding any success.

It was now a daily routine to browse through the 'Employment News' newspaper, marking the advertisements suitable to my qualifications, collecting all the requisite documents, preparing a demand draft by paying a visit to the bank if necessary and after complying with all the conditions arranging for sending application for the advertisement. I might have sent scores of such applications and had received immediate responses for an interview, thanks to excellent grade and high rank throughout the course of engineering but finally was falling short of using some strong influence and hence was unable to get a job this far. I was increasingly losing hope so much so that I had now started applying for non-engineering jobs also and there too was being rejected after being rated as an 'overqualified' and wherever was invited for an interview, people would make a mockery of me by saying that now the engineers too have started applying for the jobs of clerks. In the due course of time he had to take the decision to start applying for the jobs located far away from his hometown.

Nowadays, most of my time after lunch, was being spent in waiting for the postman. Given the number of applications I had sent, everyday I was receiving interview call letters from at least two to three employers. Some such day, after finishing the lunch was sitting in the front room of his house busy in the same thought process and suddenly sensed as though the postman was standing at his doorsteps.

By the time I reached up to the door, I saw an envelope being inserted from below the door. I lifted and checked the address over it and was delighted to see that his residential address alone. I hastily opened the envelope and started reading the letter inside with the opening text as,

'We are happy to inform you that you are selected........'

With each word I was reading my heartbeats were increasing because the text was, 'We are happy to inform you that you are selected as an engineer........'.  
I read that letter again and read the designation 'engineer' again and again. It was unable to believe my own eyes.

I once again read the letter completely and, overjoyed, I shouted for mother, 'Mummy!'.

Mother was busy cleaning the utensils after lunch and she asked, 'What is it my son?'.

I have got the job and not any simple one', yelled joyously, 'but that of an engineer only. I have achieved what I always craved for'.

'What? Finally the God has showered his blessings over you son!', mother endorsed with her joy and moved her palms, full of soap, over his cheeks to bless without realizing that now my face was covered with bubbles.

'Go and get some sweets!', she said while hastily going to offer her prayers.

ANNUAL DAY

Today was the 'Annual Day' to be celebrated in my company. Annual Day was a day of lavish fun and frolic for all the employees of the company which would be celebrated on a very grand scale. Actually every 'Annual Day' is joyously celebrated in a lavish manner throughout all the companies. All the employees would set aside the stress of their routine work and spend time in thoroughly enjoying the day. They would remain occupied with variety of outdoor and indoor games like football, cricket, table-tennis, badminton throughout the day followed by an entertainment cultural program in the evening to refresh oneself from the day-long tiredness in which a dance on orchestra would be often played. Along with the company employees even the other outside guests invited there would quench their zest for dancing and singing. After the end of that dance and singing orchestra would be the lavish dinner at 9 pm but experience was that nobody would be able to begin the dinner party sharp at 9 pm and everybody was allowed to stay doing all the fun as much as possible till one can remain in the party at night which means there was no end to the fun and frolic. Besides, the next day would be a holiday which means everybody could afford to relish the fun till late in the night even up to 3 AM.

Actually speaking, this 'Annual Day' in the company was my first to be experienced of its kind. I had heard a lot about it so far. Therefore, today had lavishly enjoyed all the indoor as well as outdoor games such as Cricket, Table Tennis, and Carom and all other possible play activities till the time his thirst for joy was fully quenched. As a result, I did not feel much tired as such. In fact, in the evening I even abundantly enjoyed the fun of playing 'Musical Chair' in the cultural programs by constantly occupying every other chair. And now the moment of enjoying the peak of that day's fun and joy had arrived finally – the evening party had started. Today, no one had any restrictions of eating and drinking anything up to any quantity he or she may want to relish. All types of liquor, such as Beer; Rum; Vodka; Whisky and even Red Wine were made available to all the employees and guests equally alike. The hard core liquor fans were bound to jump at this golden opportunity but those who would remain aloof from consuming liquor too would feel tempted by the lure of this unique freedom of its own kind – available only once in a year.

So the games were played abundantly followed by the cultural program and now the liquor party and dinner was scheduled. All the employees arrived at the venue little before the scheduled time and were whiling away their time by standing in small groups. Obviously, the topic of the entire talk was how lavishly they had enjoyed the day while playing variety of games. The evening party was organized on a fresh green lawn outside the hotel venue and there four counters organized in the four corners of the lawn to serve liquor and cold drinks. All the counters were attended by the catering staff in their formal ironed white clothes with white gloves in their palms. The whole atmosphere was appearing out to resemble with the grand ball room or a dinner banquet hall of a five star hotel. While chatting among themselves everybody's sight would time and again settle on the four wine and liquor counters set up there but no one had any courage to go and fill his or her glasses because the boss was yet to arrive and therefore no one had any guts to begin the party before the boss had arrived. Without boss's arrival no one would think of touching the liquor or even fill the glass with plain chilled water. What if the boss arrives and he unnecessarily doubts the plain water glass to be that of Vodka causing a grave misunderstanding in my crocodile mind. It is for this reason, throughout all the annual day parties, an unwritten rule, that no activity should begin without boss's arrival would be strictly adhered with. Therefore, although all of them were pretending to be busy in the chats among themselves, all of them were curiously awaiting for the arrival of the 'Big Boss'. All of them were too eager to see the boss present there so that they would fill their glasses and quench their annual thirst and feel the thrust.

Suddenly the whole atmosphere was electrified when a hustle-bustle was noticed at the main entrance of the lawn and that wave of excitement reached and spread among all the invitees........Ah! Finally the boss had arrived. Complete silence spread in the lawn and everybody's attention turned at the entrance.

'Yes! Quite right! The boss had arrived!'.

Immediately after stepping on the lawn, the boss had greeted all of them either by a smile, pat on a shoulder or a greeting expression with palms together – especially for the women. Finding that the boss had arrived with family the cunning employees, master at the art of appeasing the ego of every boss, had started lavishly demonstrating their skill.

'Hello everybody! Today is our party and it is a special annual party! Then why are your hands empty! And why are you looking so pale and quiet?', boss tried to make everybody's fun.

In fact, if the boss was to have noticed anybody drinking a glass of liquor before his arrival then he would have made a serious note of it and instantly thought of a cruel idea to teach a memorable lesson to him. But everybody knew that when it comes to talking to a boss one needs to follow double standards. Therefore some of them started laughing at the mischievous gesture of the boss whereas others started forcibly smiling at the remarks passed by the boss. My always hated all such appease-masters because I knew that they were the same people who lacked any talent. In fact, I also hated my boss because of his attitude of feeling joyous at the unworthy appreciation. But the position of his boss being different and delicate I could never express his real feelings toward him. However, I was going to one day reveal my thoughts to the boss because these were indeed the same people who, in spite of being inefficient and relatively unproductive, were managing to rise in the company as compared to the other meritorious employees who were being treated in an unjust manner. This was indeed the crux of the reason why the real life atmosphere in the company was being highly polluted. Although, apparently the atmosphere in the company was appearing to be fine this infection in the minds of the people was bound to prove harmful for the future growth of the company.

After the boss entered there the whole atmosphere had changed radically. One of the pawns of boss prepared the glass of liquor for the boss and offered it to him. Only after the boss galloped a first sip of the liquor that everybody rushed to the wine and liquor counters. Soon from all corners of the lawn the noise of glasses and bottles started echoing. During the college days I hadn't tasted even the beer with friends after being pressed by them but I also knew that in a corporate atmosphere one needs to taste it again because of the formal pressures but on the whole I had never liked the taste of a beer. But I had very firmly resolved not to ever go beyond drinking the beer given the kind of pathetic state. Although many colleagues and friends had tried persuading me to go for hard drinks but I was not going to succumb to their demands. I would rarely break a rule he would have bound himself with.

Soon I started enjoying the state everybody else had brought himself down to because everybody was revealing his or her mindset and thus it was a golden opportunity to learn the true feelings of what the other colleagues might be otherwise thinking of. But very soon I realized the futility involved in it after noticing many of his colleagues were only repeating what they had said earlier. On the contrary, first glass of beer too was not yet empty and therefore I glanced throughout the crowd gathered in the lawn.

MEETING HER AFTER A LONG TIME

In the meantime Anita's software job was going on and even I was doing well in my job. The first thing I did after receiving first salary was to arrange for a good saree for my mother. After toiling so hard in life I had got this job truly deserved to get and therefore it was really important that my earnings would be used for a proper purpose and above all this was the most significant use of the earnings I was making than spending the money for any other objectives.

During this phase of life there was a lot of correspondence taking place between Anita and me. Frankly speaking, it was indeed going very difficult for me to stay away from Anita under the pretext of her Job in Mumbai. Going by the way the things were happening Anita did not see any obstacle in her desires being fulfilled but at the same time she was feeling sad why was I ignoring her emotional desires. But then, she would counsel herself that this was happening because I was paying all his attention at the moment to restoring the order of his home first.

Sometimes during the talks, with our old memories being aroused again, eyes were turning wet such that both of them were realizing that it is the relationship during the college days is indeed the true friendship because during those days no selfish interests govern the relationships being formed then and no one expects anything else but a pure joy of companionship from such a friendship. Getting such intense friends during the remaining course of life is indeed rare because by that time, individual aspirations, selfish interests, and other expectations tend to have entered into our lives.

A lot of time was spent in this and Anita had not been able to get a right opportunity to return to her hometown and she had had to continue there in the same alien town against her will. Moreover, she was even got over-occupied with her daily routine so that she could not spare sufficient time to write a mail to me and similarly mine volume of correspondence too had reduce probably because even I was occupied with his work schedule.

Once, after returning home after a tiring day, Anita first browsed through all the e-mails she had received that day and there she saw the wedding invitation card of a common college friend. She looked for the wedding date which was yet 8-10 days away and it was a Saturday, the day of her weekly holiday. I too was going to attend the wedding since I was already there in the same town and therefore Anita instantly took the decision of attending the wedding and not to lose the opportunity of meeting me.

'Do one thing! Can you meet me tomorrow evening at 6 o'clock? Where can we meet? Where?', I had whispered.

'At our usual spot!', Anita had suggested.

.....When Anita came back to her senses after the deep thought process of all of these old memories did she realize that I had not yet arrived? So she glanced here and there for a while and then checked her wrist-watch to discover that the appointed time was not yet reached, that she had arrived far too early at the City Park.

'Frankly speaking, it was really good that I did not get an opportunity to share my secret thoughts', She thought, 'because such intimate issues are not worth speaking about at such overcrowded places like a wedding reception'. One more thing Anita had glaringly noticed in my behavior, a radical change had occurred in my approach toward her, in the sense, was appearing to be increasingly restless and was constantly glancing at her clandestinely and how I was full of eager to meet her in person. Indeed, there had occurred a major change in overall behavior that was erstwhile always calm and quiet.

But how has this profound change developed in him so suddenly?

Probably because, finding that our friend, getting married had induced me to express intimate feelings.

She was deeply engrossed in her own thoughts and suddenly sensed that somebody was standing near her. She looked in front and discovered that it was me standing in front of her.

'How long? I have been waiting here for such a long time here?', Anita complained.

'Look at the watch! I have arrived sharp at 6 o'clock! Right at the appointed time!', I argued in self-defense.

In fact, it was Anita alone who had arrived far too early being eager to know what I wanted to share but it was not at fault as far as keeping the appointed hour as usual he would never miss it.

'Anyway! Forget it! What was it that you wanted to tell?', Anita said hiding her eagerness and she did not want to waste her time by casually talking about anything else since she was all the more curious to know what I intended to communicate so secretly.

'Today I desire to share with you something that has been going on in my mind for over a long time now!', I directly touched the topic wanted to communicate as if even did not desire to waste time in talking about casual topics or any other trivial issues.

Anita's heartbeats were fast soaring and she was now all the more eager to hear what she had been longing for across so many years now. It was appearing as if her dreams were coming true at last.

'How shall I say it?', I was perhaps trying to find the right words making her all the more restless.

Before I can say anything to her, she informed me, that, her father has fixed her marriage to his friend's Son. I tried my best to convince him that right now, I am not ready to marry and even not to him. I confessed that, I love Ankush to my father.

'Frankly speaking, I wanna marry you!', She uttered by gathering some courage.

Her father was always after her with some or the other marriage proposals. When she initiated the topic of her job, her father always used to divert her and suggest her to continue her job and getting married.

I was staring straight at her that made and she started looking down. She had no more courage left in her to endorse my staring looks.

I was now engrossed in persuading myself. I thought, 'I constantly tried communicating my feelings to her but she never took those indications seriously!'

It was a devastating experience for me. My heart was about to stop beating and she took promise from me, to stand for her, as it's her father decision which she don't want to defy. As he had taken all the responsibilities of Anita after her mother's death. So, she will follow what her father will say.

I was not able to respond what she informed to me. I was completely blank. We both stood there for some time but we both were silent. Even the crowd of park was not able to break the silence prevailed between us. She then asked permission for my departure. She was in the city only for few days and she wished to meet me again and again. She wanted to live our relation to full extent till we are together.

CRACK IN RELTAIONSHIP

Our years of friendship and relation into 'love', and I began to see the cracks in it, as expected, very well concealed under the dry, withered leaves underneath my treading feet. We would hold hands, but only when we felt cold, we stopped going for long, boring drives that just burned my fuel unnecessarily. And well, there was the effect of the scorching sun too. We seldom fed each other, it was a risky deal to have my shirt soiled just because I was too lazy to feed myself.

But, definitely we were still so in 'love', we used to say the three magical words every now and then. Now, I wonder if we would really mean it or were we just trying to remind each other that we were seeing each other back then.

A few more months passed, and now I could see potholes in my road of love that could seriously damage a spine, but I guess I noticed it a wee bit too late.

The gentle breeze was now a howling tempest. For the first time in my life, I was gripped by emotions I had never felt before. I was confused, I was petrified... now I was too scared to stray the path as I was afraid I might get lost. Or worse, find myself face to face with the horrors that were concealed beneath the thick lush foliage.

But I walked on, dodging the ravines within my path, reassuring myself that these were the difficulties that all lovers faced in 'love', and I should be proud to walk this path of glory.

It was quite incomprehensible and depressing at the same time though, for she didn't experience the same passion that burnt within me. She began to avoid me, and even when we went out with our friends, she would spend more time talking to the others.

I couldn't understand this, I tried confronting her but she wouldn't bother to give me a valid reason. There were no more holding hands; it was more like I had to grab her hand if I craved for it. Her usage of the "three magical words" almost came to a standstill.

Now I felt that I had lost my love, hell, I couldn't see anything but red, glowing red, fury that was burning incessantly within me. I was going mad with rage. Questions begin to shower within my mind like painful hailstones in a stormy night... Why would she treat me like this? What made her change? Why do I love someone who treats me like this? I had all the questions, but I couldn't find the answers however hard I tried. She would not help me understand, she wouldn't try to.

I was a new man all over again; I had been changing so much over the months I had almost lost all idea of who I was myself. I looked for ways to vent the frustrations in my mind. I was sinking in a quicksand of hate and mindless torture.

I tried avoiding her, but she wouldn't seem to realize that I wasn't around, or that's what she would say. This drove me crazy, but all I could do was vent my anger through helpless tears, in front of all my friends, sometimes during Office. A friend of mine introduced me to my first glass of alcohol. It did help for a while, but it just wasn't enough. Very soon I was drunk in office almost every other day. But the pain was just unbearable.

The other side of love – The pain of romance

I called out for help looking unto the skies. I got no reply. I started hating everything nice, and looked towards music to heal myself. I began to listen to the music a normal person would call "mindless noise". Now this did help me bring my love at par with the rest of the world. Well, I should have been happy now... but now I hated everything, the whole world just as much as I hated this girl... but I still loved her.

I had lost all memories of what I was, the guy who loved his life. I was an emotional wreck, a drunk and a mess. Love did get me here in just a matter of months... I isolated myself from everyone.

Every time I approached her, she shunned me and would spend most of her time with people I never knew, which would make it all the more unbearable. A year and a half had passed and I was frightened, I was someone I didn't know. I couldn't get out of my life, I was trapped in love!

I tried cleaning up my life, but I just didn't have the strength. I was afraid to face the world by myself, afraid to see her with anyone else. I hated her just as much as I loved her, but didn't know how to get through the day without seeing her, or listening to her voice.

The end of college romance

Months passed and I couldn't bear the pain anymore. Several times, I clenched my fists, and in between gritted teeth, hissed "I love you...but I can't stand you. I just wish I had never seen you in my life!" Well, she was taken by surprise; it was a rude shock to be loose.

But strangely though, this didn't make me feel any better, I was still pained by the loneliness. A hollow feeling engulfed me and I was choking in the darkness within. It was all supposed to be over with our break up, that's what I always knew, but now again, I was wrong... it felt worse.

The last pages of a college love story

I joined a few hobby classes, kept myself occupied with old friends, and I began to gym religiously, sometimes twice a day, to fill the emptiness within me. This did help to a certain extent, and I could get a grip over myself as the weeks passed by. I was saddened though, by the fact that this girl didn't call me or try to make up.

Two months passed, and I was now much better, in my mind, and my physique. Well, I was at the gym for most of the time. I felt good for the first time in two years. I smiled a few times in a day, without much of a strain. I was healing... slowly. But this girl's thoughts would haunt me all the time. I still hadn't received a call from her, but now it didn't bother me very much.

I had learnt to accept it, and I felt happy with my own progress. It was like a boy nursing his little bird back to health. I could spread my wings, but I wasn't ready to fly though, I wasn't strong enough.

AN AMAZING TURN

I was taking rest after lunch. My mother was sitting on the floor, alongside the bed, and was busy in some regular household chores. Everyone else was in his or her own world and she was the common link between all of them who would keep them together... at least as a family.

I was lying on the bed and was staring at the roof, as if there is a storm of thoughts blowing through my mind. I got a call from one of my college time friend. She wanted to talk me, especially about Anita. There were lot of things which happened within the last two, and she wanted to share them all with me. But was it the right time to talk?

Finally she broke the silence and asked, "Is everything going alright in your office?

"I tried contact you since 3 month... but you were not in touch of any friend... I still do not know whether I should tell you or not?" she was again assessing my condition

"Will you tell me what has happened?" I demanded.

"After your last meeting with Anita, 3 Months ago, you left from there and very next day Anita met with an accident. She met with an accident... she is seriously injured... and since then she is in coma." She fumbled.

I abruptly got up from the bed, "how is it possible ... are you in senses? I left from there and the very next day she came there to accompany me. We were together for almost 2 good days... then how can she fall from the cliff here?

I was restless after knowing two contradictory things. I was not able to understand whatever was going on with me.

I reached Anita's house. They found her father standing outside in the premises. When he saw me approaching, he got angry and came ahead. Her father did not like our relationship.

As Anita's father came ahead, I stood in front of him. We both were silent for a while.

"How is Anita?" I dared to ask.

"She is alive." Anita's father answered rudely.

I understood that there is nothing more to speak to Anita's father.

"She is not here..." Her father informed me.

"Then where is she?" I asked.

"We have sent her out of town... far away from you people." Anita's father was getting more and bitterer in his voice. He immediately turned and went inside.  
Watching him leave from that place, I looked at their servant, who was standing nearby when all this was going on. I asked him, "Where is Anita?"

First the servant turned to confirm that his master was not there. When he was assured, he fumbled in bleak voice, "why have.... you come here... you know... master doesn't like you coming here."

The servant glanced at me with perplexed looks. He could not understand how to react to this situation, hence, he kept mum. I was now gradually getting convinced about the truth.

"How is she now?" I only asked further.

"She came in consciousness 8 days ago... and yesterday master sent her to her granny's place... for a place change." Servant informed me.

I was now desperate to meet Anita once. But she was at her granny's place.

I knew where her granny lived. But it was far away from his town. I was thinking of some way out to this problem.

Anita was staying at her granny house only for last couple of days. She again had a fight with her father on the same old reason. Today she got up a little late. Though she was an early riser but when she woke up today, sun was already up on the sky. Anita scanned her room. Her granny had already started doing her routine activities.

Unlike usual, Anita was feeling very fresh today. Probably she had got a sound sleep after a very long time. She stretched her limbs and got out of the bed. She stood by the window and was staring outside. She kept standing there for a while. Suddenly someone caught her attention. A man with long beard was coming in her direction only. He did not seem absolutely stranger to her. Anita kept looking at him, trying to make out. But as he kept coming closer to her, she recognized him and glimpse of happiness flashed on her face. She confirmed once again whether she was in her senses or not. She was Ecstatic to find the person in reality. It was me who had gone there to see her. I looked unfamiliar in long beard and moustaches, but she could still recognize me by my gestures and movements.

As I approached even closer, Anita was sure that it's me for sure who had come back to her. The person reached the house, opened the main gate and came inside. Now I was standing right in front of Anita.

"Ankush ..." Anita almost screamed. She hugged me tightly and said, "I knew that you will come back one day. God can't be so cruel to me....

"Your love kept me alive Ankush." She released herself from my embrace and said holding my face in her hands. Then we kept talking for a very long time after that.

Don't give up on college romance or true love. As painful as life can seem at times, even a small thing like a college love story can change your life and fill it with happiness.

