
Thank you for purchasing Haruki. Enjoy the book! 

# Table of Contents

Title Page

Haruki (Haruki Arima Duet, #1)

Prologue

Chapter One: Young Goddess

Chapter Two: Stupid Name

Chapter Three: Comparing

Chapter Four: Disappointment

Chapter Five: The Bus

Chapter Six: Max

Chapter Seven: Haruki Arima

Chapter Eight: A Job

Chapter Nine: Woman

Chapter Ten: Sitting

Chapter Eleven: After Dinner

Chapter Twelve: Flashbacks

Chapter Thirteen: Wish

Chapter Fourteen: Friday Night

Chapter Fifteen: I'm not that Guy

Chapter Sixteen: Finals

Chapter Seventeen: Max's Girlfriend

Chapter Eighteen: The Haru We Don't Know

Chapter Nineteen: Essential Oils

Chapter Twenty: Mommy

Chapter Twenty-One: Family Meeting

Chapter Twenty-Two: Brain Freeze

Chapter Twenty-Three: Hidden Agenda

About the Author

Haruki

春樹

Haruki

First edition. October 17, 2019.

Book One of the Haruki Arima Duet

Laine Watson Books

Published By

Mir.Mad Works

A Division of Mir.Mad, LLC

Atlanta, Georgia

Copyright (C) 2019 Laine Watson. All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author.

Laine Watson

Visit my website at www.LaineWatson.com

Laine Watson Books and Mir.Mad Works are registered trademarks of

Mir.Mad, LLC.

Cover Design and Editing by Touch Creations

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# Prologue

I'm a freshman in high school with recently divorced parents and no social skills. My mother focuses on her career and I am focusing on connecting with someone, even if I don't have the slightest idea how.

At least that's what I've been telling myself.

I somehow ended up standing here in the middle of my study hall, watching my supposed friend kiss my supposed boyfriend.

I gasp. That's weird. We've never even kissed. How do you even get to that part?

There's a hollowness in my chest I can't identify, and tears slowly fall down my face as I watch Jacob. Bowing my head, I grasp the end of my sleeves just to have something to hold.

I flee to the bathroom. When I get there, I stare into the mirror above the sink, wiping my tears away.

I'll just ask him what happened. There's got to be a good reason he was kissing her, right? Maybe he'll kiss me too since I'm bringing it up. He's like the only person who I can talk to, I convince myself.

"Where'd everybody go?" I ask myself while looking around the classroom from the doorway. I walk in and sit at the desk where I had been sitting before and gather my papers.

I guess our study session is over. From the corner of my eyes I see someone peeping around the door.

"Hey," Jacob says.

"Hey!" I jump, a little startled.

"It's just me." Jacob laughs. "I guess you're talking to me at school today because nobody's around, right?" he says, condescendingly.

"Oh, um..." I turn around to him as he walks inside. "It's not on purpose. I have nothing to say at school."

"You could..."

I should just ask him, I decide, not listening to what he's saying. My palms are sweaty, and I keep cracking my knuckles.

"Why were you with Sidney?" I blurt out.

"What?"

"You're my boyfriend, right? Why are you--"

"Wait! We're not going out, Summer. We don't even hang out." The mockery in his voice shrinks me, even more so than his impactful words.

What does he mean? Why does he have to say it like I'm nothing to him?

"We talk on the phone all the time."

"Yeah, we talk on the phone. That's it."

"That's enough," I say ignorant of his idea of a relationship. My idea is sufficient in my own eyes.

"You're being way weird," he sneers.

My nose twitches, and the sides of my mouth tease a frown. I struggle to keep my tears behind my eyes and my expression unreadable.

I was the only one who thought we were going out. Pathetic.

"You like Sid?" I ask in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, I do," he says arrogantly.

"You like me?"

He smiles. "Yeah."

"You've never kissed me."

"We don't have that kind of relationship."

"What does that mean?" I ask hopelessly.

He laughs contemptuously. "You're like a kid. We're in high school, and you can't even look at me, forget talking to me. It's like you ignore me all day and think it's okay to chitchat later on. You thought we were going out because we have random conversations on the phone?" he patronizes.

"Oh..." He seems disgusted.

"You're not really the girl I'm looking for right now."

"What?" My voice can barely come out.

"I mean, would you even let me kiss you?" he asks, walking over to me.

I back into the desk, hop over two, and stumble over one more.

He keeps coming. "What would you let me do?"

"What?" I say breathily, my lips slightly quivering. A rush of fear passes through me, making my ears wiggle involuntarily and my fingertips tingle.

He is finally close to me, hovering. His fingers push my pants against my middle.

"Ah!" I cry, moving away from him and scooting desks over the room messily as I try to catch my heavy breaths.

"See?" He smugly smirks as he steps back from me. "Why would I want a girl I can't even touch, when I have a girl who does everything to me and lets me do anything to her?"

"I..."

"Look, it's cool. Don't call me anymore. It's getting weird. Stop telling everybody were going out, especially Sid. She tells me everything you say." He laughs with ridicule in his tone, as if I were pathetic. "It will never happen between us. Maybe if you could fucking talk to me without being weird or something, it might, but no... just no."

He waves his hand at me and walks out of the classroom.

After a few moments, Sid appears and leans against the door.

Her scornful smirk is too much. I'm barely dealing with what just happened between me and Jacob.

"You told him everything we talked about?" I ask, hurt.

"It was kind of funny. You thought you were going out. How?" She laughs. "Actually, it's more like you were trying to steal my boyfriend, but I let him play with you for a little while. You're so stupid. He doesn't want you."

I can't stand to look at her arrogant smirk. My eyes blink as I stare at the floor trying to process what jus happened. My ears are burning, so is my skin.

"That's okay. I can't wait until everyone sees how much of a lying, man-stealing slut you are." She cackles evilly. "Did you really think he liked you? You're a fucking loser. An ugly, bitch-face, loser."

My ears pop and tingles warm my head as if some type of chemical reaction had taken place within it.

"What?" I grimace at her.

The school bell rings.

She inhales deeply. "Summer's a slut-bag, man-stealer, better keep your man away from her." She smiles in my face as people pass in the hall.

Her words are lost to me.

I can't hear anything as people crowd in the door, taunting me and laughing at me. Everything about the next moments fade­--everything goes blank.

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# Chapter One: Young Goddess

The first Tuesday of my junior year in high school, I ride the bus to the college campus at Lincoln University--my home for three days a week.

This year will be different. There's no way I'll spend my junior year depressed and sad, I tell myself and sigh as I think back to what started it all.

As I walk around the campus, trying to find the right building for my classes, I'm still convincing myself of my change. I'm not going to be bullied this year. They want to call me a man stealer and a slut--I'll show them. I hate guys. I hate girls. They can both kiss my ass.

I'm not that little frail, socially awkward weirdo anymore. I won't be bullied.

I glance up into the sky, "This year will be different. I will be different." I announce to myself quietly.

I look over my schedule and ask myself, "What the hell is Contemporary Society in Multiple Perspectives? Is this the college's attempt to seem diverse? Is this a black thing?"

"You're black?" The voice comes from the other side of the sidewalk.

I look over, and a beautiful girl is standing near me. "Oh, hi. Yeah." I pause. "Is that supposed to be a joke or something?"

"What?" she asks.

"Asking if I'm black. I mean, you can pretty much tell a black person when you see one."

"What race do I look to you?" the girl asks, walking even closer to me as I observe her peachy skin.

"Um, is this a trick question?"

"No, answer it."

"White... I guess."

"So far from the truth. I'm actually a quarter Chinese, a quarter Native American, a quarter Hungarian, and a quarter Greek."

"Oh, yeah?" Who cares? I could be a bitch and say she's still white, but I won't. In these last couple years, if I've learned anything, it's how to be a bitch. I'm not used to girls having regular conversations with me--really anyone.

The last time I tried to be friends with someone, it didn't go well. I tense up as a repressed memory shoves itself back into my psyche.

Sid's words still torment my mind. "Did you really think he liked you? You're a fucking loser. An ugly, bitch-face, loser."

"See! Looks can be deceiving." She smiles, breaking me out of my memories. "I'm Darby, and racially ambiguous, like you."

"Like me?"

"Yeah, you have a unique look and features."

"It's because black people look all sorts of ways. It's our charm." I smirk confidently.

She giggles. "That explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Why you're so fucking hot!"

"Are you gay?"

Everything pauses.

"Are you a homophobe?" she retorts.

"Uh, no."

She sighs sharply. "Defensive much? That was bitchy... and no, I'm not gay."

"Sorry, not a lot of people just come up and talk to me, pleasantly. I don't know your angle. You just can't trust people, especially guys--they're like Satan, or what's worse than Satan?"

"Uh... I think he's the worst," she says with a confused expression on her face.

"Girls."

"Agreed."

Darby's facial expression softens, and a slight smile appears on her lips. "Well, first off, you're paranoid, and second, my angle is: I'm going to be your tag along when all the guys swarm you."

"There won't be any guys swarming me. I don't talk to guys."

"Oh, so you're the one who's gay?"

"No. At least I don't think."

"What?"

"Never mind. No, I'm not gay. I'd never date girls--they're also Satan--with boobs."

She stares at me with a blank expression at first, then she giggles. "Wow, most girls have a completely different outlook--"

I cut her off, "I'm not most girls. You should probably take a hike. I suck and I'm weird. I might inadvertently steal your boyfriend or think he's mine without ever going out anywhere or having physical contact with him."

"I'm guessing your high school time sucked."

"Balls and ass. And I'm still in high school. I'm just here for the Junior Entrepreneur Program."

"Can't be that bad."

"It is. Well, it was. Nobody really talks to me now. It's like I'm invisible. At least I'm not being bullied anymore. No more groups of ex-friends calling me names and having the entire school think I'm a slut for not being a slut. Yeah--invisible is good," I say anxiously. Even if I'm invisible at home, too.

"Wait, start over."

I sigh, easing out most of my anxiety. "I want to say it's complicated, but it's not. Basically, I liked a boy for a really long time. I thought we were going out, but we weren't."

"How could you mess that up?"

"Well, I guess I didn't really know what 'going out' was. We were just talking on the phone, and he was actually going out with a girl who I thought was a friend... Anyway, it was torture. Girls tried to fight me by approaching me, like packs of wolves, ready to pounce because I liked a guy."

"Yeah, we can be harsh."

Harsh is putting it lightly, I think to myself. As hard as I try not to let the memory of my past crush escape into my mind, I can't keep it out. It still hurts.

"That was shitty, but guys come a dime a dozen. You can find another one."

"Nah, no thanks. I don't want to fall in love or be with a guy. The only actual reason I was looking for a guy, or whatever, was because my mom's self-absorbed. She doesn't really care about me. I wanted somebody to. But..." I laugh off my awkwardness and hurt. "I'm fine now. So, I'm not looking to fall in love with anyone or be friends." I pause and glance at Darby. "I'm just... I'm here to get my credits, go to college, and become a boring, bitchy person like my mom."

"You calling your mom boring? And bitchy?"

"Yes! She only cares about her job and money and the things she buys with her money--that she worked for." I laugh a little. "So, yeah."

"Wow, you're really messed up."

"No, I'm not. I just want to get through this as painlessly as possible."

There is a brief pause from the both of us.

"Well, tough luck. We're in the same class, so we have to be friends." She smiles. "As far as falling in love, who said anything about that? Guys suck--I'm with you. Your job, young goddess, is to make them drool over you and stumble all over themselves to get a look at you. You give them nothing in return, except empty smiles and the slight chance that you might be interested in them to string them along."

Whoa, my ears twitch, warmth building in them as I step back and stare at her. Young goddess?

"Don't worry about females; they're catty, but you don't have to fight. Just rub your popularity with the guys in their faces. Let them know you can have any guy you want. They won't bother you, I promise. They'll be too busy trying to make sure their man isn't looking at you."

Something clicks in my head. My heart beats fast. She just gave me the cure for my pain. "You're right. This isn't about love. Love is stupid."

"Yeah, it is."

"Why should I be afraid of guys or girls?"

"Yeah, why should you?"

"Well, I don't want to get hurt again."

"Nobody's going to bully you in college."

"You say it like it doesn't happen."

"I'm saying, we're just having fun. We're not going out with these guys. If you say nothing to the girls, even if they say something to you, you've won. That will burn them up inside. Think of yourself as letting everyone get a taste without even offering a morsel." She smiles.

"Wow, that's way twisted."

"See, you're not the only weird one. It takes a special type of guy to put up with the shit I've got in store, so he'd better be prepared."

"So basically, we're going to go out and be the very stereotype that put women in a place of lesser value to men?"

"Not at all, we're not going to be gold diggers, or teases, or vindictive... or anything like that."

"It sounds like that's exactly what we're going to be: manipulative little bitches with black hearts that can't be pierced."

"Oh. Well, then yeah, we're definitely going to do that."

"Awesome..." I smile.

"Let the disgusting scum fall at our feet."

"Um... I think you might be going a little too far."

"We'll see," she says, wrapping her arm around mine and leading the way toward class.

I haven't had any friends since I lost the ones back in freshman year, but they weren't genuine friends. It seems like forever ago, but it's only been a few years. My heart is so tainted--the past still hurts. I long for Darby's friendship, though I plan to keep her at arm's length in case one day she also betrays me.

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# Chapter Two: Stupid Name

A month into second semester and all my suspicions of Darby dissipate. I keep the time she said she would be my tag along in the back of my mind. Often, I feel like our friendship is conditional, which is fine as long as I remember not to trust too much.

Though I am only a junior in high school, Darby and I live like college women. We party almost every night doing exactly what we had set out to do. Basically, we get free drinks from guys who fawn over us. With Darby by my side, I feel like the queen, like my beauty is unmatchable, and no man is worthy of having me.

Yes, it is blissful to have a friend and not feel as lonely as I once did. I've forgotten all about that sheltered, bullied, naive, high school girl. She's gone; a beautiful, free of love, free of concern, fun, and lighthearted girl has taken her place. Technically, I'm still in highschool.

I no longer love anyone because everyone loves me. They love the way I laugh, the way I talk, the clothes I wear, and my partner in crime. They love my body and the sense of mystery it bears. Those who don't love me keep their words to themselves, or at least, away from me. Thinking of being serious with a guy or talking to a guy under any other circumstance is out of the question.

I revel in being a goddess and having people bow to my beauty. My newfound glory eliminates the insecurity and replaces it with breezy confidence. I have gone from a rejected, bullied girl to a worshipped woman in just a matter of months. The price I paid?

Losing myself. The nagging, ever-present truth of my mother not knowing anything about my life and the utter loneliness I try to hide, while wishing my mother or someone would truly love me, haunts me.

I sit in my calculus class thinking, It's worth it. Who needs the real me? I don't, and neither does anyone else. My friend doesn't really know me, and I don't really know her. But that's the point, right? Don't let anyone in and you can't get hurt?

The bell snaps me out of my wandering mind, and I grab my things before I head toward the door.

I am almost out the door when my instructor calls, "Summer?"

"Yes, Ms. Ambers?" I say, turning back to her.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" she asks sweetly.

"Um... yeah." The request is unexpected.

"Please, have a seat," she says, extending her hand to one of the chair-desks in the front of the room.

Pulling the chair-desk up toward her bureau, I sit down, facing her.

"You didn't turn in your assignment."

"It's not due until Friday."

"It's Wednesday. It's due today. Friday was the extension."

"Well, I need an extension."

She scoffs. "Do you ever pay attention in class, Summer?" She shakes her head in disappointment. "Why do you come?"

"Because," I say annoyed.

"Summer, it doesn't seem like you're taking this seriously. The Junior Entrepreneur Program is an amazing opportunity."

"Duh, I know. I want to hurry up and get it over with. If I take this class, I don't have to take any other math classes when I'm actually in college. Plus, I don't have to take any math classes my senior year. I'm just ready to graduate."

"Is graduating actually something you see yourself doing?" she asks skeptically, her pitch elevated.

"Really? How gross are you? Teachers aren't supposed to talk to their students like that?"

"We are when we care about our students. There's no reason not to be blunt and honest, especially with such a promising one."

"Whatever! I'm leaving," I say about to get up. "You'd better be glad I'm too lazy to continue arguing with you."

"Was that a threat?" Ms. Ambers huffs.

I shrug with folded arms, a careless attitude, and an annoyed face.

"Well, Ms. Vaughn, here's a threat for you: if you don't put any effort into this, I'm dropping you from my class. And I'll see to it that you are no longer in the Junior Entrepreneur Program."

"So? I don't care! Ugh." I roll my eyes.

"News flash: you should care. You don't want to be dropped from this program. It might be harder to get into college if you do. All this goes on your record, Summer. I'm trying to help you."

"Fine ... whatever. I only have to deal with you for one semester."

"So, you're going to take this seriously?"

I sigh annoyed.

"Your test scores this semester are lower than last semester. I don't understand. You did so well before. I am the one who personally called you back. You could have graduated early and gotten a solid stance on your career. Now, I wonder if you'll even make it through the week. What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I don't like this class. It's stupid. That's all."

"I don't believe that."

"I don't really care what you believe."

Ms. Ambers sighs. "I know you can do this. I don't know what happened, but I know this isn't you."

"Oh, my God! Ew! Stop talking to me like I'm some weirdo who can't handle her own feelings. I don't like you! I don't like this class. That's it!"

She sighs again. "Well, if that is it, then maybe someone around your age in a fresh setting can help you."

"Huh?" I turn up my lip.

"We have tutors here. That's why I wanted to talk to you. I think getting a tutor would be beneficial. You don't have to pay for it. It's right here on campus."

"Do I still have to come to class?"

"Or course you do." Ms. Ambers laughs. "But if you go, and at least meet with this tutor a few times, I won't hassle you until it's close to finals. We have one big test right before finals. I'll only say anything if you don't do well on that one."

I test my luck. "So, like mid-terms? I could totally bust?"

"I wouldn't suggest it." She says in a low, stern voice, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Okay, I'll go."

"Really? Great. He's great. He's­--"

"He?!"

"Yeah! He went through a similar program, and he took this class in high school. Haruki Arima. He's the best and..."

"Is he like an exchange student?"

"He's a Japanese American, thank you," she says with annoyance in her voice. "He's really an outstanding--"

"I don't care. Guys are gross. I don't want to be alone with any disgusting guy, ever!"

"I don't think..."

"Is there a girl or group tutoring?"

"No. Unfortunately, all Haruki has available right now are Tuesdays and Thursdays at six in the afternoon. The bus will wait for you, so you don't have to worry about getting home. I've made all the arrangements."

"What about another tutor?"

"Honestly, I think he's your best chance."

"How can..."

"He's your only chance, Summer. Not just to ace the test, but to finish the program. I really don't see you completing it with this newly gained attitude. He's a smart boy who won't distract you. If you want to get rid of me and this, as you say, stupid class, then go see Mr. Arima. Let him tutor you, and you won't ever have to look at his face or mine ever again."

In silence, I deliberate.

Who names their kid Haruki? He totally sounds lame, so of course he's dedicated. He's probably a loser. Well, at least I don't have to worry about the nerd hitting on me. He's probably too afraid to even look at me. I'll just do this for a few weeks and maybe Ms. Ambers will leave me alone.

I roll my eyes. "Deal."

***

Thursday evening, I head to Haruki's dorm room for tutoring. The whole way there I mumble to myself, Obviously, the asshole nerd is looking to get laid--can't get a girl any other way. Why else tutor in the privacy of your own dorm room? Stupid prick probably uses it to lure girls in there. Well, I hope I fall on his dick and disable it.

I walk up to the room and stop at the door when I hear voices. I take a big breath. I don't want to do this. I hate guys. That and he's probably an asshole. He'll be all like 'look at me. I'm Asian and smart!' I sigh. He's going to think I'm some stupid American. Ugh! This is so dumb. What am I doing here when I'm not supposed to depend on guys for anything? I don't even know how to act in this situation.

I shake off my anxiousness and knock on the door. No one answers, so I tune into the chatter. Huh? I know that voice. What's his name? That guy from the club a few weeks ago... Hayden, He's a disgusting loser. Figures he'd be friends with this guy. All assholes need a nerd asshole friend. I laugh to myself. I bet he'll never try to get with Darby again.

"Hey, so you want to go chill at this new spot? It's probably not going to get crazy until way later," Hayden says.

"I've got a new tutoring appointment. Maybe this weekend."

"Right on." Hayden pauses. The sound of cracking bones makes me cringe. One of them probably cracked their neck in the middle of the conversation. "You say that all the time, but you never actually come to hang out with us. Well, I'm going to get some food. You want something, Arima? Rice?" Hayden laughs.

"Racist. What are you eating? A burger?"

"Weak."

"As if 'rice' was a low blow?"

"'Low blow?' I don't roll that way."

"You know I was born here, right?"

"Dude, I don't care."

"Shut up." Haruki laughs, and Hayden joins him. "Can you just bring me some pizza?"

"Ah, pizza! The universal I-don't-know-what-I-want food." He opens the door.

I gasp and flash to the corner next to their room, my timid nature, seeping through the façade I've created for myself. I hide in the other hall while maintaining an eye on the door.

Hayden exits and says, "All right dude, Arigatō." He bows.

"Um, that means 'thank you,'" Haruki says, his voice coming from the room. "I know that, and I don't even speak Japanese very well."

"Shit, I thought I had it!" Hayden complains.

"Just say bye, weirdo!"

"Fine! I was trying to--"

Haruki cuts him off, "Whatever! Just get out!"

"Okay. You're acting all weird. You're tutoring a girl."

"What?" Haruki says tensely.

Hayden leans against the door frame. "It is a girl!"

"I don't even know her; never seen her before. She's still in high school."

"But it's a girl?" Hayden asks. "Since I've known you, you haven't gotten laid, right?"

"Seriously? You don't know that! And like I said, she's still in high school."

"I'm just looking out for you. There are so many chicks who are always asking about you."

"I don't have time for girls."

"You don't have time to fuck? That's all these girls are looking for. Everybody's here for the same reason. Nobody is trying to get too serious­--just need something to take the edge off, you know? Friends with benefits?"

"Girls complicate things."

"So, you're just going to stay a monk?"

I snicker. If it's up to me, he will.

"I'm just saying, she'll be in your room... at night. You guys are alone. She's failing her classes, and she needs your help. Sempai..."

"Shut up!"

"Maybe she is tightly wound up like you? Both of you may need a little release. I mean, if you don't want to hook up, maybe you can show her the ropes? Guys who don't get laid whack off to porn a lot. Maybe you can show her how porn stars get down. It's the making of great erotic novels."

"You read erotic novels?"

"Uh--n-no," Hayden says, clearing his throat and adjusting his clothes for no reason. Even to me it was slightly suspicious. "I'm just saying."

I snicker again. I'm going in now. It's the perfect moment to make them blush.

I come around the corner and settle near Hayden, making myself visible.

"Hey, I know you." Hayden smiles slyly, like the scumbag he is, when he sees me.

"No, you don't, asshole." I push him to the side and walk into the room.

"O-o-k-a-y," he says.

I glance around the room as I clutch my bag to my chest. Staring down at a computer screen, with a nervous facial expression, is a boy whose eye color catches me by the throat. The light from the computer screen illuminates his eyes as he closes dialogue boxes and browsers. His cheeks are red.

Right away, I feel embarrassed because I notice too many details about him, like the blackness of his messy hair, which falls just past the nape of his neck and rounds his face, hiding his eyebrows and some of his eyes. It waves a little and almost curls where the tips have a hint of brown. I gulp when he looks up at me, neither of us noticing Hayden has made himself scarce.

Stop staring! I tell myself. He's just a guy--a really hot guy--but still just a guy.

Satan!

You're not here to do anything but math. There will be no 'one plus one equals eternal love.'

I think this, but when he looks at me like he notices me, things I shouldn't be thinking pop into my mind. He is so freaking beautiful.

"Hi," he says, snapping me out of my stares. "You must be Summer. That was my roommate, Hayden." He stands up.

He's tall! He's at least six feet tall. Perfect, I'd say. Stop it, Summer! He's a guy. Say something mean--say something mean.  His gorgeousness ties my tongue.

"Uh, Summer?" Haruki asks.

"I thought Asians were supposed to be short," I blurt out insensitively.

"What?" he questions as he stares at me, eyebrows furrowing, obviously trying to decipher my comment.

"Why are your eyes, like green or gray, or something? That's so creepy," I spit back. "And your name is stupid."

"I was looking for something a little more on the lines of 'Hi! I'm Summer. Thanks for agreeing to tutoring me since I'm a high school student. I'm sure you had lots of things to do on a Thursday night.'"

"You didn't. Nobody does things with guys named Haruki." I scoff.

Haruki sighs and gulps down his disappointment. "You can leave if you'd like. Everything you've said to me has been based on some type of stereotype."

"You probably have a small penis too," I say disgusted.

Oh no! You know nothing about penises. Now he thinks you're thinking about his penis! Why would you say that?! I chastise myself.

He's speechless as we stare at one another.

Get it together, Summer. He is the enemy. I've been in countless situations, and I have conquered all of them. Why did he make my heart skip a beat? Why is he making these feelings, that I swore I'd never let rise again, come up?

"Get out!" he orders.

"Fine," I say, turning away and stomping toward the door. "I don't want to be here, anyway. Asshole."

He sighs seconds later. "No, I'm sorry."

I gasp. No, don't apologize! It's a lie! My heart--you don't care. Please don't care... just let me leave. I grasp onto the end of my shirt.

"I really need this job," he says. "You should say you're sorry, but..."

Halfway to the door, I turn around.

"Can you not say racist things? Can we just talk about Calculus?"

"Whatever," I say, walking back with an attitude and sitting in the chair near the desk.

He smiles tensely and appears to be a little annoyed as he sits down with palms up and fingers spread.

"Did you bring anything? Notes? Past tests? Questions? Or you want to start with the practice test, and whatever you don't know how to do on there, we can work on it?"

"Um, yeah..." I shrug, trying not to gulp. I clasp my hands, so he won't notice how much they're sweating.

"Okay, I got it right here." He pulls some papers from a manila folder.

The door swings open. "A-R-I-MA!" another tall, thin boy, dressed carelessly, greets enthusiastically.

Haruki smiles. "Hey. What's up, Trent?"

Wow! Haruki's smile is so perfect--perfect enough to make my heartbeat go through my chest. What's wrong with me? I ask myself as he hands me the practice test. I quickly turn away from him and rummage through my bag for a pencil.

"What's up, bro? You got a lady over?" Trent asks, even though he sees me sitting there. "Hey, pretty lady. What's your name?"

"Summer." spills out of my mouth. I have no bitchy remarks or asinine comments flowing through my head. Who are these guys? And what are they doing to me?

Though it pains me to admit, they're beautiful in unique ways. A fleeting thought admitting to Hayden's attractiveness also, annoys me. Haruki has pale creamy skin, muscular thinness and glistening starry greenish-gray eyes, while Hayden has peachy skin, light brown hair and strange hazel eyes. Trent, on the other hand, has dark, smooth chocolatey skin and perfect curly hair tied into a man bun.

Trent smiles. "That's a pretty name."

For some reason, I look at Haruki, and wonder, Does he like my name too? I gasp, surprising myself with my own thoughts. What? Why would I think that? That's so stupid!

Haruki introduces us, "Summer, this is my honorary roommate. He's not technically one, but he's around here enough--he might as well be."

"Oh, hi!" I say with a nervous smile and leave the two to their conversation.

"What are you guys up to? On a date?"

"We're not on a date. We're just taking care of some business. What's up?" Haruki clarifies.

"Where's Hayden?"

"He went to grab food."

"On campus?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Okay, I didn't mean to disturb you guys. It was nice to meet you, Summer." Trent smiles with his too perfect smile. His smooth full lips seem too perfect for his face.

"Nice to meet you, too," I say with a tiny voice that wavers with confusion and shock.

He turns toward Haruki and waves. "All right. Later, A-r-i-m-a!" After he walks out, he shuts the door.

I look at Haruki. I heard Hayden say it too. "What's 'ah-dee-mah'?"

"Oh!" Haruki laughs. "He's saying Arima, my last name. He's just rolling the "r." I hate when people don't know how to roll it. It seriously bothers me."

Halfway through, I stop listening to him and find something to build dislike off of. It is hard, but I latch onto the language thing and consider it a flaw. Ugh! Because someone doesn't speak like you, you hate them? Idiot! Haruki is just like every other guy.

"Did you hear me?" Haruki asks.

"Yeah, I heard that stupid stuff you were saying, but stop talking to me, so I can do the damn test. Stop wasting my time," I snap, and then realize I didn't find my pencil in my bag. "Do you have a pen or something?"

"Wait! First you insult me, then you ask to borrow something?"

"Either let me borrow a pen, or I'm leaving. It's up to you."

"You're the one who needs help!"

"And I'm the one asking for something to write with, asshole."

"Oh, my God!" He snaps his head back and massages his tense muscles. "What is wrong with you? You have like split personalities or something? When Trent came in here, you were all innocent and cute, now you're like a banshee from hell."

Wait, did he just call me--doesn't matter, I'm on a roll!

"Give me something to write with! You said you needed this job, didn't you, Haruki?" I purposely don't roll my "r."

"Oh, my God. I just said, I hate when--"

I cut him off, "I don't care!"

"You could at least try to say it right."

"Did you not hear me? I don't care." I hold the practice test in my hand and threaten to end this right now. "Give me something to write with, or I'm ripping this paper up and leaving. It's not that important to me, and neither is your stupid ass name!"

"Clearly," he grunts, as he gets up and looks for something to write with. He opens the desk drawer and pulls out some mechanical pencils. "Here!" He rolls one over to me on the surface of the desk.

I scrunch my nose and pick it up. "Thanks!"

"You're welcome," he says with a nasty attitude.

I try to get comfortable in the chair. He watches me for a while as I study the test and try to come up with answers.

"What are you looking at?" I snap.

"Nothing! There's nobody else in the room. Its human nature for eyes to veer when something moves."

I scoff, trying to get comfortable and concentrate.

"Do you want something to drink? I'm going down to the vending machine," Haruki asks, interrupting my concentration.

"You don't even have an accent!" I snap, not responding to what he has asked, just talking to build up the wall between us.

He sighs. "You only listen to what you want to hear."

"You're trying to tell me something about rolling an 'r' when you don't even roll your own."

"Okay. I'll assume that's a no on the drink and completely ignore what you just said. It's not like you give a damn I was born here. You've already been unrealistically racist, so I'm just going to go." He leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as the door shuts, I sigh heavily, putting the pencil down and check my phone. I have a text from Darby: "Hey, there's a party. You should come."

I smile, but it slowly melts off my face as I think about Haruki. I'm not racist, he's just... he's just stupid. I bend down and look in my bag to see if I have some extra clothes. I do.

I hear the doorknob turning, so I hurry and get back to working on the test.

From the corner of my eye, I see Haruki holding two bottles in his hand. He walks past the desk and places a bottled water next to me. I watch his every move, hypnotized by how his clothes fall on him. He sits down, opens his bottle of juice, and takes a sip.

Why is he being nice to me when I am trying to push him away? Nothing makes sense about him, but he has a really nice body. How the hell did I even notice that?

I didn't even notice that I was noticing. What is wrong with me? I look over at him and roll my eyes exaggeratedly. "I said I didn't want anything."

"Doesn't matter. Water is good."

"I don't like this water."

"Everybody likes water."

"I said, 'I don't like this water.'"

"Why not?"

"Because you brought it to me." I say angrily, rolling my eyes and sliding the bottle on the floor with my hands.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you some racist-ass bitch or some sexist-ass one? Do you just hate all men? Or Asian ones, specifically?"

"Yes! Especially guys with stupid names like Haruki."

"That's not how you say it!"

"I don't care!"

"Do your fucking test and get out of my room!" Haruki howls.

A shiver goes through my body. I'm being unrealistically hateful toward him. Still, there's something about Haruki that gets under my skin. Maybe it's because he's making my heart beat out of my chest for no reason at all.  I gulp and work on my test again.

Some time goes by, and we say nothing to each other. Finally, I'm done with the practice test.

"Okay, I'm done," I say, handing him the sheet of paper.

We exchange looks, and while he analyzes my answers, I anxiously wonder what takes him so long.

"Okay." Haruki lowers the paper and smiles. "It's not that bad. You're actually okay at Calculus. You seem to get through the work just fine, but a few steps before you reach the answer, it looks like you just get lazy ... or bored."

Definitely bored.

"You just need to focus."

"Okay." I roll my eyes and stand up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving. I've been here for two hours. Like you said, 'finish my test and get out.'"

"But we could knock--"

I stop him from talking by holding my hand out in the air. "I'm bored, and you're boring. Plus, I have plans."

"If you just let me show you how..."

I sigh. "Give it up. I'm not staying. I might not even come back." I bend down to get my shirt out of my bag, lay it on the desk, and reach for the bottom of my shirt. I pull it over my head, exposing my nude lace bra.

Haruki stops asking questions as I undo my bra and slide it off my shoulders. I have no idea what the blank look on his face means. Guys have seen my boobs before, so it doesn't matter if anyone sees them.

"Um," he says, his voice shaky. Maybe he's searching for some words.

"What? You've never seen boobs before? Stop acting weird." Even though Haruki makes me feel different, he's still a guy and thus, scum. I grab my other shirt off the desk and put it on. I stuff the first one in my bag and slide the bag on my shoulder.

Haruki still wears a blank look on his face. "You just stripped right in front of me and didn't bat an eye."

"I'm in a hurry. I told you I have plans."

"Is tha--is that normal for you?"

"I just changed clothes, idiot. Haven't you ever seen a girl's body before? You're so immature."

"I'm sorry. Girls don't just come into my room, pick fights, and then flaunt their breasts in my face." He balls his fists beside him and leans forward.

"Because your name is Haruki."

"I hate you."

"No girl strips or does anything else for a guy named Haruki," I snap, "Stupid ass name." I walk to the door, with every intention of storming out, but Haruki grabs me.

In his hands, my skin burns like fire--a pleasant sensation. I cannot speak as he stares me down. I am overwhelmed with all his strength and gentleness. With our proximity, the aroma of all his masculinity infiltrates my nose and I gulp.

"Say-it-right," he demands.

"What?" I peep.

"Say it! Roll the 'r'," he orders.

I say nothing. I stare at him while trying to grasp my feelings.

"Say it! Haruki."

I gulp. My thoughts amiss as I am overtaken by all of him. Don't say it. Don't say it like he's saying it. Don't say it.

"Say it!"

My mouth waters. Almost involuntarily, I open it and words flow out, "H-a-r-u-k-i." I roll the 'r' as my body simultaneously rolls into him.

His eyes peer into me, piercing me to my core, causing a sensation of deepness to cascade over me. His eyebrows furrow. He's so angry with me, but still so kind. How?

I want to say his name, over and over--I don't want him to let me go.

My breaths are heavy as I shimmy out of his grasp. I pull myself away from him, but not completely. I become immobile as I stare into his eyes.

His grip loosens enough for me to escape.

"I have to go."

6 Years Later

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# Chapter Three: Comparing

The fleeting sensation of being the agitated object of affection for men and giving nothing in return, gets old fast. No matter how much I try to pretend I like the empowerment, it's a lie and my true desires surface. I push them down. But the feelings that bubbled up inside of me for the beautiful, greenish-gray-eyed college senior with the strange name, always surface. Even if I want to be loved by someone, I can't be sure someone, especially someone I like, will ever reciprocate my feelings. So why give any consideration to it?

By the time I get to college, I don't care about the same things. My mother continues in her success, getting her own office and practice. However, our relationship suffers, especially once I decide not to go back for the Junior Entrepreneur Program my senior year of high school. I don't go to college right away either. To my mom, my lack of drive makes me nothing but a nuisance, or so it seems.

Six years later, that's where we stand, and I'm okay with that. My biggest focus is not letting my loneliness consume me. I've about given up on being successful at anything: falling in love, finding a career, and living life.

What is life anyway? What's the point of being successful, and who measures success? I think I'm doing awesome, honestly. All the people I know who are successful aren't even happy, and they treat people like crap most of the time. Even their success stories are stupid. They got there either by neglecting other things, riding on someone's coattails, doing manipulative stuff, luck, or by being a complete asshole. Unfortunately, I don't have the will in me to flatter someone enough, nor feed them bullshit and use them as a steppingstone.

I'm too lazy to lie, and it's too much of a hassle to step on people's heads or be a bitch. I'm not lucky. I guess I lack the drive to be one of those people. I'd consider myself a late bloomer, who is still blooming.

Right now, I'm going to Canon University, the fast track university in town. It's pretty lax and just right for me. Darby's there too.

My mother, on the other hand, is not lax at all. She is a highly sought after, accomplished speech therapist who has appointments for her appointments. Most times, she gets home late, and sometimes I make dinner. Mostly, I chill in her office a lot and wait, like today.

I sit in my mom's office playing on my phone, my feet crossed on her desk.

My mother sighs. "Summer, please. Get your feet off my desk. I shouldn't have to tell you that; you're not a child. You act like I haven't taught you anything. You can't treat this like your friend's house--"

"I don't have any friends."

"This is a place of business. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Okay, Mom," I say, without looking at her.

"What if one of my colleagues comes in and sees you acting like this is a living room?" She takes a seat across from me at her desk.

"Okay! You don't have to talk to me like I'm an idiot." I sit up and put my feet on the floor.

"And could you please get off that phone? If you're going to be here, at least be helpful. Go make copies of these forms for me." She hands me a few sheets of paper with writing and typing on them.

I snatch them away from her. "Whatever!"

"Do not mix them up!"

"Okay." There is agitation in my voice, which she picks up on. Not that I care.

I exit the room and head toward the photocopier. The entire time I'm thinking, Why does she have to talk to me like I'm a child? Like she's so much better than me. I don't care about her stupid office. I sigh and make the copies before taking them back.

She is on her computer doing something. I lay the copies on her desk and sit back down, so I can browse through social media.

"Is that what you're going to do all day?" she asks. "Do you have class?"

"No," I say, rolling my eyes at her.

She sighs. "When I was twenty years old..."

"I know, Mom--when you were twenty, you had a kid, never dropped out of school, and you already had your first bachelor's degree. By the time you were twenty-two, you added another degree. Blah, blah, blah. I'm twenty-two--whatever. I don't care. I'm not you."

"But you're not even trying to do anything with your life."

"You don't know what I'm doing."

"I know you're still at home with your mother. I pay your car insurance, your phone, and..."

"I bet that's why Dad left you!"

"Excuse me?"

"You're always telling me how much better you were than me at this age. I bet you did the same thing to Dad."

"I didn't have to do that. I didn't have to remind him of how much time he was wasting sitting around doing nothing, but I don't have to explain anything to you. Until you get an actual career and stop wasting my money, I don't want to hear anything from you."

"Whatever," I say with conviction.

"Ms. Vaughn?" my mother's assistant says as she opens the door.

"Yes, Rachel?"

"Your four o'clock is here."

"Thank you. I'll be right out." My mother smiles cordially until Rachel closes the door. Her smile leaves, and she glares agitatedly at me. "You need to go find something to do, Summer. I have business to take care of. I can't watch you too."

"Mom, why do you have to say stuff like that? You act like I'm literally doing nothing."

"Might as well be," she says while gathering things and clearing her desk. "Fine. If you don't want to leave, then go to the lounge. I'll come and get you before I leave. This is my last appointment."

"Whatever." I get up and head to the lounge.

The lounge is a white-walled room with a coffee machine, a refrigerator, a square card table and four folding chairs around it. There is a storage closet in the back of the room that doesn't have a light, just lots of forgotten boxes of papers.

I sit in one of the folding chairs and browse the web on my phone, but then my mind wanders, and I get lost in my own thoughts. I hate when she compares us. We're not the same. I do need to figure out what I want to do, though.

I could be a teacher. If I go for education or communication, I can narrow it down the closer I get to graduating. Yeah. Then my mom won't think I'm such a screwup. I'll show her you don't have to treat people like crap all the time just because you've got a bunch of degrees and shit.

"I should probably move out, shouldn't I?" I think out loud. Maybe next semester I should stay on dorm; since I'm such a disgrace. I shake my head. I wish I could go stay with my dad but, I have heard nothing from him since he and mom got a divorce. It's not like we were ever close. I stare up into the boxes of papers, a curious gaze in my eyes, I wonder why they got a divorce. She never talks about it. I guess I'm a horrible child because I never ask about it. It was probably because she's a bitch.

Some more time goes by, maybe an hour, and my mother walks into the lounge.

"All right, let's go. I've got a headache now." She stands near the door of the lounge with her bag.

"Okay," I say, and we leave the office.

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#   
Chapter Four: Disappointment

On the drive home, my mother is mostly quiet. The silence gives me time to study her mood. She seems more aggravated than usual. I know she gets on my nerves, but I don't want her to be mad at me all the time.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"What happened in your meeting? Or are you mad at me still?"

"I--I'm not mad at anyone. My meeting was with this pompous idiot, who knows nothing about being a father." She pauses and smirks a little. "He is handsome, though. I hate that."

"What?"

"Men! You know the type­--the ones who know they are attractive and rock a great body and a great head of hair? It's like they say, 'I know I'm good looking, so I don't have to put forth any effort in life. I'll just use my looks to get me everywhere.' And some women are dumb enough to allow that--not me."

"Oh, Mom. Why do you automatically say things like that?"

"Things like what?"

"You've said nothing good about any client I've asked you about. If they're so bad, then why do you still see their kids and do business with them?"

"Because they're paying me five-hundred dollars an hour. For that much money, you can be an idiot all you want. And this guy is a complete idiot."

"How do you know, Mom? That's so dumb for you to just assume he's an idiot." I don't know why I'm so mad at her for saying it when I think all guys are idiots.

"Okay--and don't call me dumb--maybe he wasn't a complete idiot. He's a joint business broker for Alson. You know, the big building downtown with the reflective windows?"

"Oh, yeah. The one with the weird statue in front of it?"

"Yeah. He's got a lot of money, which is why I can do business with him. His kid is smart. His name is Max--what a basic name. The guy's name is Haruki, and he couldn't come up with anything better than Max?" My mother laughs.

Me, not so much. I've heard that name before. And even that was a fleeting thought because of my mother's condescending tone.

"Everything with you is a screwup, isn't it?" I say under my breath.

"Sum--"

"What if he liked that name? What if it's his dad's or grandpa's name? What if his mom liked it? Are you trying to say the kid is an idiot because he has a basic name?"

My mother says nothing.

"Do you really think I'm that much of a screwup, too?"

"What? I don't think you're a screw up, Summer. I think you could do so much more."

"But you're always saying how amazing you were doing when you were my age. You've only known this guy and his kid for a few hours, and yet he's an idiot with money and his kid has a basic name, which all translates into: he's a loser. The only person you haven't insulted is the mom."

My mother sighs. "He's a single dad. The mom died when Max was three. He didn't even know he had a kid until she died, and he came to live with his father. Max's teacher recommended me."

I say nothing right away. Did I hurt her feelings? She's not being sarcastic or anything. It's probably a bad time to point out it's not the dad's fault the kid's name is Max--he didn't even know. I gulp. "How old is Max now?"

"Five."

"So, he's only had him for a couple of years?"

"Yeah, he's completely clueless on how to be a father. You can tell he doesn't have a woman in his life."

"What's wrong with Max?"

"Nothing is wrong, per se. He had tympanostomy tubes."

"What are those?"

"Ear tubes--you get them if you have a lot of ear infections. Anyway, he had the tubes in his ears for a long time, but they weren't the best, so he still couldn't hear. When he was learning to speak, he learned the sounds as best he could. But it's not perfect. The first couple of years, they just thought he was behind, but now it's noticeable. Other children are asking him why he speaks that way."

"That's kind of sad."

"It is, but we can fix it if they come back. The father seems like he's totally out of his comfort zone. If he's serious about this, we can get it done in six months to a year--no problem. If he's bullshitting me, then both he and his kid are going to suffer," my mother says, looking as if she had another thought. "His kid is something else."

"He probably is serious. I mean, it's his kid."

"Yeah, a kid he doesn't really know. Now he's playing Daddy of the Year. That kid probably runs circles around him." My mom laughs.

I sigh.

My mother glances over at me. "You always want to see the good in people. You never see things for what they might be or what they really are."

My eyes lower. "I guess that's why you always tell me I'll never be as good as you. Because I don't think like you."

"Summer, why would you say something like that? I've said nothing like that to you."

I shrug. "It just kind of seems like I'm a huge disappointment or something."

"You're not a disappointment. I do get frustrated with you, though, but only because I expect more from you. You did so well in high school, and now it's like you don't even care anymore. Did someone break your heart or--"

I laugh. "No, Mom. I've never even had an actual boyfriend. It's not that. I don't really know what I'm good at. I think I'm good at making dinner."

"You are."

"That's nothing though, huh? In the grand scheme of things."

"It is something."

"Sometimes it feels like you're saying I don't help at all, or I'm insignificant, like my life is pointless."

"No, no... Summer, you do a great job keeping the house clean. It really helps that you cook most of the meals. I wish I had time to help or do it myself, but you shouldn't be doing that. You should be out with your friends, studying, or figuring out what's the next step in your life. I mean, do you even have any friends from school? I don't see you with anyone, and you're always at the office. You had lots of friends when you were in the program. What happened?"

How do you know what friends I had? You were never home. You didn't know where I was or what I was doing? As long as it looked like I was having fun, you didn't care to ask.

"You think I'm that much of a loser, I don't have any friends?"

"You said you didn't have any. Do you remember? Or were you just being smart?"

"Oh, you mean when we're at the office?" I sigh depressingly. "I don't have a lot of friends. Darby, that's all really."

"Darby doesn't count. I barely know her and you're not learning anything from her. Seems to me like she's just as content with your lifestyle as you are. She should encourage you to be more like her, to go to college for a purpose, instead she accepts your laziness and probably coddles you too."

Newsflash, she's at the same second chance college I'm at. If you only knew the things we did when she was at Lincoln, you'd see why she ended up here.

You guys should be off doing things together, but yet, here you are."

"Whatever, Mom. Being friends with people is pointless. Darby's the only person in the world who understands me. I think maybe I don't get life or something."

My mother sighs. "Yeah, you and I are incredibly different, but that's okay. You'll find your way. I mean, look at this loser."

"Max's dad?"

"Yeah. At twenty-seven, he has two degrees, a good job, and owns his own home. His suits probably cost as much as a month's rent."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, I think he's an idiot but an idiot who just needs a little guidance." My mother smirks. "And he's plenty handsome."

"Ew, Mom. We're not even talking about me anymore. Isn't he like half your age?"

"Excuse you! He is not half my age. You know he says he's up for a promotion? That's what you have to do, Summer, work for it. He didn't have any other choice. He had to push forward, for himself, for his kid, and now look at him. Idiot or not--he's successful. Could probably have any woman he wants."

Ew! Does my mom have a crush on him? That's so gross. "Yeah. I'm not ready for that. Is it okay not to be ready?"

"No, it's not. There's never a time to be ready. You think he was ready when they dumped a whole preschooler on him--no. You just get out there and go for broke. That's all. It's not pretty, it's not easy--you just do it."

"Okay." I sigh. "I've been thinking about that, actually, and... would it upset you if I wanted to move to the dorms next semester?"

"I wouldn't upset me. Thank God you're thinking of doing something rather than sitting on the couch or in my office all day."

I sniff. "Sometimes, Mom, I think you don't know how to say nice things to people."

"Summer, what is the point of being nice? If I lied to you and told you everything would be easy and things would always go your way, when I knew they wouldn't, don't you think I'd be a bad mother?"

"No--I mean..." Why bring out the morality meter for me? "Whatever, Mom. You just like to be mean to people," I say, sitting back in my seat.

I can tell she is smiling at me. I feel it even though I am looking out of the window.

"Okay then, we'll say that. I'm fine with that."

We ride a little while more before either of us speak again.

"I think I know what I want to do. Not specifically, but something with counseling or teaching," I begin.

"That sounds like a start. Get a bachelor's in education or psychology."

"But I don't know if that's what I want to do yet. I'll talk to my counselor."

"That's okay. You can do a lot with either of those degrees. There are lots of fields you can work in. Some of them, however, do not get you a lot of money."

"That's what's important to you, isn't it?"

"Of course it is. You should get a job where you can make a sustainable living."

"But what if I really like to do something but it doesn't pay a lot?"

"Then don't choose that. It doesn't matter how much you enjoy doing it. If it doesn't put food on your table, it's a waste of time."

I sigh.

"I know you want to help people. You have since you were a kid. I remember you bringing home all those random animals who were near death. That's fine--but you can't treat your life like that. You can't bring stray things into your life if you can't care for them properly. The older you get, the more you realize that. The only thing that matters is having money to do what you want to do."

"That's a stupid philosophy," I mumble.

"It's not. It's the way of the world. You can't do anything without money. If you don't have money, you cannot live. Therefore, you need to get a move on. I can't provide for you for the rest of your life, and you're a damn fool if you were hoping so. I didn't raise a fool. I gave you all you needed to make a good life for yourself. Now you have to stop being lazy and idealistic, and go out there and use it," my mother says, proudly.

I smirk. I'm done arguing. There's no compromising with her. She has her way of what life should be like, and I have mine.

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#   
Chapter Five: The Bus

"Summer, did you talk to your counselors yet about finalizing your major?" My mother's been nagging me about this since I mentioned it.

"No," I say, not looking up from my phone's screen.

"You're all talk."

I roll my eyes at her. "I will, Mom."

"Yeah, that's what your mouth says."

I ignore her statement. "How's it going with Max?"

"It's going great. He is quite a character, very observant. His smile is a lot like his dad's. Haruki is a fine man." So, they came back. For the last few weeks she's been babbling on about them.

"Mom, you know it's creepy when you talk about guys, right?"

"You're too young to understand; all men are idiots and don't have a clue about life."

Nope--understand that just fine.

"But a man's purpose is being a provider. Haruki's that type. All kinds of book smarts, but he wouldn't know logical if it smacked him in the face. Every time I talk to him, I say, 'you need a good woman.'"

Sounds like you want to be the good woman. "What if he likes guys?"

"Then what a waste for all the eligible women in the world, but what a catch to all the guys out there looking for a sexy, successful daddy." She smiles. "I bet he hasn't had a decent meal, and his house is probably a mess."

"Mom, do you like him?"

"Like is for children, Summer. If I had to classify my feelings for Mr. Arima, it'd be more like, interested in knowing more."

"I thought you said he was an idiot?"

"Clearly, you're not listening. He can't not be an idiot. It comes with the territory. It's a part of his genetic make-up. A smart woman can counter that particular downfall. If we were together, he would already have that promotion."

"Do you think that's really true? I'm your daughter, and I still don't have a career."

"That's because you don't listen. Maybe when you're twenty-seven, you'll have made enough mistakes to listen to me."

"Mom, seriously, you're creeping me out. You're totally a cougar."

"Am not. He's only ten years younger than me. He'll be twenty-eight." She fiddled flirtatiously with her hair. "He's got ambition and makes loads of money--and sweetheart, I may be thirty-eight, but I can work it like a twenty-five-year-old."

"Okay, I'm leaving. This entire conversation just made me throw up in my mouth."

"Summer, I'm just saying. I got pregnant as a teenager. You don't even have any kids. You are free to do what you want, and you're throwing your life away. I may have made a mistake when I was younger, but I paid the consequences and didn't let one failure get me down."

"A failure, huh? That's what I am? A reminder of the one failure you had in your life."

"That's not what I was saying at all. You have more opportunities than me. Right now, for me, it's the time to be settling down with someone. I'm established. I need someone established. And I'm experienced. I--"

"Okay, goodbye." I leave the office. Why is she acting like this? Why would she think I wanted to know anything about her romance issues? So gross. Gagging on the thought of my mother "liking" a guy, I aimlessly stroll down the hall until I step into the lounge and sit in one of the folding chairs. I pull out my phone to play a game. Soon my mind wanders into thought.

Is it horrible to not have a man, or a job, or a child at my age? Did she expect me to be like her and get pregnant right before I graduated high school? I sigh. This guy must be super hot though. I've never heard her talk about anybody like this.

Some time goes by, and no one disturbs me. I lock my phone, put it in my pocket, and yawn before waltzing back to her office. I'm hungry. I wonder what Mom's doing for lunch?

"Hey," I call, sitting on her sofa by the wall. I lie back and pull my phone out of my pocket to play another game. "Mom, I'm hungry."

"So eat," she tells me and continues to work on her computer.

I grunt inwardly. "Aren't you going to order something?"

"What do you want?"

"Oh, my God, Mom," I enthuse, sitting up excitedly. "Can we please go to the Bento Bus?"

"Japanese? Again?"

"Please?"

"Fine, but you have to go get it."

"Totally," I agree, as my mom slides her debit card across the desk. I snatch it up and rush to my car. Before I know it, I'm speeding out of the parking garage and headed down the street. The Bento Bus is parked in the next lot across from us by the entrance of the building. I park in the parking lot and cut off the car. Running cheerfully to the turquoise-colored bus with the Japanese symbols across the sides of it, I smile and then knock on the door.

I order our food quickly, say thank you, and return to my mother's office. We share some steamed rice and some shrimp tempura sushi. After we are done eating, I sit back on the sofa and play games on my phone, while Mom goes back to doing stuff on her computer. Eventually, the silence between us fades.

"What time is it?" my mother asks.

"I don't know."

"Are you really that lazy? You have your phone in your hand. Can't you just check the time?"

I sigh, looking at the time on my phone. "It's 3:45," I say annoyed and decide against playing games again. Instead, I go through my old pictures.

"Where's Max?" The phone rings. My mother sits down at her desk and clicks the speakerphone button on. "Hello. Regina Vaughn."

"Hi, Ms. Vaughn. Um..."

"Mr. Arima, hello."

She knows his voice? Wow, Mom, you're gross.

"Uh..." The midlevel lowness of his voice hints at a dark side, like he might not care, except he does. "Well, the school just called, Max missed the bus today."

I know that voice. I tense. No way, couldn't be him, I convince myself as a suppressed memory tries to force itself into my psyche.

"That's fine. You still have to pay for the session, even if you guys don't show up. If you're thinking about still making it, I can move some things around."

"I just... I really can't pick him up, and we don't really know anyone here. I just moved back here a year ago for my job. I can't leave right now. I know it's asking you to do a lot..."

"You want me to go and get him? You're kidding?" My mother scoffs.

Really? I thought you'd jump at the chance to go get your future stepson and build up those brownie points, cougar. I laugh to myself.

"Mr. Arima, I have an appointment in fifteen minutes."

"I can pay you double for this session," he pleads. "I really can't leave. We've got these guys here--it's a big contract, and I'm in line for a promotion. I swear I'll never ask you to do it again."

"It's fine, Mr. Arima. I'll go get him." There is silence for a few seconds.

Knew it. I scoff under my breath as I roll my eyes. Just then I feel eyes on me. I narrow my eyes over at my mother. "Why are you looking at me?"

"On second thought, my daughter will get him."

"What? You can't just volunteer me!" I whisper.

"Okay. I'll pay you double if you can get him in today, and I'll also pay her for getting him from school. Will that work?"

"I get it. You're a single dad. We can definitely help you out. That's what we're here for."

Shut up! You sound like a commercial. And you're only doing it for two reasons: the money and probably so you can have cougar sex with him... ew.

"Thank you so much, Ms. Vaughn. I'm so sorry. Max rarely does things like this; he's an obedient kid."

"Don't worry about it. There's nothing you could have done. We don't know what happened. We'll get him. It'll be fine."

"Thanks again."

I didn't even agree to it.

"No problem!" My mother smiles.

"I'll pick him up around six."

"Okay, see you then." She ends the call.

"Why did you do that?" I ask.

"Because you could stand to earn some money. I'm paying all your bills; the least you can do is make yourself useful. I can't get him, but you're literally doing nothing. So, take the car, that I'm paying for, and go get the kid from school. It works out for both of us. By the time Mr. Arima makes it here, everyone will be gone, including you," she inadvertently tells me. "I'll be able to chat with him a little more... alone."

Stop telling me crap like this! We're not friends. I roll my eyes. Well, I could use some money--still, she didn't even ask me!

"Okay, what's the address to the school?"

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# Chapter Six: Max

After getting the directions and name of the school, I turn up in the office of the elementary school to pick Max up, only to find I can't pick him up because I don't have authorization. So, I have to call my mother who has to call Mr. Arima, who then has to call the school. After that, they release Max to me.

"Who are you?" Max says, looking at me in the office.

This is the right kid? I ask myself. "Are you Max Arima?"

"Yeah," he says.

"Okay." I smirk awkwardly. "So, I'm Summer."

"That's your name?" he inquires, pulling his backpack over his shoulder.

"Y-e-s..."

"Tummer? You know that's a season, right?"

Oh yeah, I hear the speech issue. It's not that bad though. I can still understand most of what he says.

"Y-e-a-h..." I shake off the awkwardness of my answers. "Okay, anyway, I'm Ms. Vaughn's daughter. Since you missed the bus, I came to get you for your session. Is that cool?"

I wait for an answer for a few seconds, but I don't get one. Is he ignoring me? He seems to be pondering something, and then he begins to speak.

"Tummer Baughn... that's a pretty tool name."

Aw, "Tummer Baughn." His little voice is so cute, and "tool" He's beyond adorable.

"Um, yeah, thanks. So we can go?" Assuming he's "tool" with it, I lead Max out of the office. "Thank you." I don't know if anyone in the office responds.

Max and I walk toward the front of the building.

"Your dad..." My phone rings, and I lose my train of thought. "I don't know this number." I stare at my phone and accept the call. "Hello?"

"Uh, hey... S-summer?"

"Yeah--who's this?"

"Um. This is Haruki, Max's dad."

That name and voice sound so familiar, but it couldn't be him. That is too much of a coincidence.

"Oh, hi. I'm picking him up right now."

"Yeah, thanks again. Sorry for calling your phone. I got your number from your mom."

"It's fine."

"Um, do you think I can talk to Max?"

"Yeah--yeah... totally." I pause and hand the phone to Max. "Hey, it's your dad."

Max snatches the phone from me and puts it to his ear.

Rude.

"Hi, Daddy... Nope, I was going to, but I had to use the bathroom."

If you listen really hard, you don't hear the speech impediment, just a few things are hard to decipher.

"But when I went back outside," Max continues, "the bus was gone," he exclaims, while gesturing with his free hand.

Did he just say done? Oh, the bus was "gone." Okay. I smirk. He's pretty animated and super cute.

"Her name it Tummer--tool, huh?"

I smile, Tummer, I gush over his cuteness.

"Okay. See ya later. You want to talk to Tummer?"

Oh, my gosh. He's so cute!

"He wants to talk to you," Max informs, as he hands me the phone and places his hands on the handles of his backpack.

"I take the phone from him. "Hello?"

"Hey, Summer..."

"Yeah?"

"So, don't tell your mom."

He is shady already, jackass. I CAN'T wait to tell her whatever he's about to say!

"She already thinks I'm sort of a spaz. I promise, I'm not this disorganized. I just really want this promotion." He sighs. "Do you think you can take Max home? Or I can pick him up from your mom's office or something? I won't be home until around eight tonight. I mean I could leave, but it would probably ruin my chances at getting the promotion. I can pay you whatever you want."

Wow, he's desperate. He doesn't sound like he's full of shit at all. "I-I don't really know what's a suitable amount, honestly."

"Five-hundred dollars?"

Five hundred? "Um, I can bring him home after his session with my mom. You don't have to go through all that trouble. That's way too much money."

"No, it's no problem. I know you don't know us, but I can really use the help tonight. Your mom thought you were responsible enough to get Max, so I just took a shot in the dark. You're probably way more responsible than me. I'm not trying to put you out or anything. If you can't do it..."

"No, it's okay. Yeah." Why am I saying yes? I gulp. "Max seems cool. It'll be cool to hang out with him."

"He's great, actually. I could have had a different kid. I wasn't a horrible child, but I am probably a horrible person." He laughs.

"I think I am too." Oh, my goodness! Why did I say that? Hopefully, he doesn't notice.

"Oh, man. I'm sorry. You probably think I'm a horrible dad."

"No, why would you say that?"

"I don't know. Just, sorry."

"No, it's all good. Like I said, I'm happy to do it. Max seems fun."

"Yeah, he's my little man. I already told him I would ask you. So, you can just tell him you said you'd do it, and you can have whatever you want at the house. We don't have a lot in the way of actual food, but there's lots of snacks. We eat at restaurants a lot. I don't have a lot of time or skill to cook. On the coffee table, in the living room, there's a credit card. Order what you want. The key is in the mailbox."

"Oh, um... okay."

"Call if you have any problems. Max shouldn't give you any though. He's pretty much raising himself and me." He chuckles.

He's funny. I see why Mom likes him, but I can see how she'd think he's still a kid.

"Cool," I say.

"I'll text you the address."

"Awesome. We'll see you later, then?"

"Yeah. Tell Max I said goodbye."

"I will."

The call ends.

Five-hundred dollars?! He's nuts. I chuckle to myself as Max and I head to my car.

"Wait--do you need a car seat or something?" I ask, opening the passenger side door for Max."

"Well, no, I'm five. I just tan't tit in the front teat."

"Oh! That makes sense." I shut the door and open the back-passenger door.

Max hops into the back.

"Don't forget to put your seatbelt on."

"I won't. You sound like my dad." He laughs. "But why would I forget? It's the law, duh."

"You're right." I giggle.

This kid is so cool. He's way cooler than I thought five-year-olds could be. He's like a mini person, I think as I open the driver's door and get into the car. I start it and put the car in gear. Some music plays on the radio, not too loud. I hum a bit as I drive back to my mother's office.

I glance at the rearview mirror. What happened? He looks kind of sad. I probably shouldn't say anything. He doesn't really know me. I don't want to be a nosey adult. I sigh.

"Uh ... T-tummer?"

"Yeah, Max?"

"You tan undertand me?"

"Huh?"

"Like when I talk? You know, I go to a 'peach' therapist."

"Yeah, I understand you. And of course, silly, I know you do speech therapy. Where do you think I'm taking you?" I smile.

He sighs and smiles. "You mutt, have tuperhero ears."

Aw, superhero ears--he's adorable.

"Nah I think my ears are regular."

"They tan't be. Nobody undertandt me."

"Nobody?"

"Nope, not eben my teachers."

"Oh, your teachers don't? What about your dad?"

"He doet. But your mom?"

"Yeah, Ms. Vaugh is my mom."

"Yeah, she's going to fix it."

"Yeah, she's definitely going to help you. She's really good at helping kids."

"I hate when people don't undertand me." Max sighs sadly.

"Yeah. I hate that, too."

"Everybody undertandt you. You talk all right."

"Just all right?" I smile.

He looks up at me and giggles. "I lite you. You tan be my friend. I don't habe a lot of friends at tool. They tall me a baby."

"What? Friends are overrated. We can be friends though."

"Yeah, I make one hundredt all the time and they don't. They are babies."

"Totally. Don't worry. My mom's going to help you, then you'll be unstoppable."

"Yeah..." he says, looking out the window.

Now he's happy. We even sing some songs together.

He feels lonely, doesn't he? Well, when we go to his house, we're going to have so much fun. He'll forget all about what those stupid kids say--I hope his teachers aren't mean to him.

We pull into the parking garage of my mother's office, and I park the car before Max and I hop out.

"Tag!" I tap him on the shoulder and take off running to the entrance of the building. He stands there for a moment, putting his backpack on, then takes off running toward me. I zig. I zag, and he zags and zigs, and for about five minutes, we run around to the concrete entryway.

"Got, ya!" he says.

"Dang!" I laugh and open the door to the office building. "All right, you ready to go to speech therapy?"

"Yeah!"

"Awesome! Let's do it!" I say as we walk in. We take the elevator up to my mother's office.

"We're here," I announce.

"Hi Mit, Baughn..."

"Ah-ah-ah ... remember what I taught you? Bite down on your bottom lip."

"Oh, yeah!" he says and takes a breath. "Hi Mit, V-vaughn, and Tummer V-vaughn."

"Look you did it. No problems!" my mother says, and he runs up to her and gives her a hug.

Wow, she looks genuinely happy. How is that even possible?

"All right, kiddo." My mother smiles and stands up from her bent down position. She looks over at me and asks, "Did you have any more problems?"

"Nope, all good." I smile. "Okay. I'll be in the lounge."

"You can tome if you want," Max suggests.

"Max, it's our special time. She already got to have special time with you. I'm sad now." My mother puts on a sad face.

Yeah, sure. Guilt him in to spending time with you. Bet that's how it works with men too, huh? I smirk.

Max laughs. "I was just tidding."

"Well, I guess I'll let you guys have special time." I pretend to mope out. I never really paid attention to how attentive my mom is to the kids she helps. It'd be nice if she'd pay attention to me. Maybe I should have had something she could fix, then she would care.

I walk into the lounge and sit down on the sofa. My mind drifts off into thought after a while. Wow, five hundred bucks to hang out with a kid. Maybe I should cook him something. He can have a yummy home-cooked meal. We could watch some TV. He'd have a lot of fun. I smile to myself, maybe I will major in something that involves kids after all.

I receive a text message from Darby.

--------

You at your mom's office

Yeah

Lame

Whatever

Want to hang out later

Maybe

Movie? Anything? Can you not be a hermit

Sorry

We used to party all the time

We did

Ur a loser now

Thx best friend

Anytime

I actually have to work tonight

Work?

I'm babysitting.

Babysitting who or what

A kid. I think my mom likes his dad

Gross

Never seen the dad, but he's paying me 500 bucks

$500 Are you kidding me

Nope

Can I come help

Nope

U stingy af

Have fun loser

--------

After about an hour, I hear Max's voice in the hall. I get up and put my phone away. Opening the door of the lounge, I step out and shut it. My mother and I lock eyes in the hallway.

"Tum--"

"Ah--remember to smile, and place your tongue behind your teeth and let air through, Maxie."

"Oh... okay... S-s-stummer."

"What? That was awesome!" I smile, encouragingly.

Max's shoulders drop. "No, it wasn't... I till didn't tay it right."

"It's okay. Sometimes it takes a while for things to happen. I've been a freshman in college for two years." I joke.

"What?" Max says, confusion in his tone.

"Sorry. I was trying to be funny. Never mind. It's all good. You're doing great."

"You sure are." My mother smiles. "Summer?"

"Yeah?"

"Mr. Arima will be here to get Max around six, so..."

"Actually, I'm taking Max home."

"What? Why didn't you say anything?"

"It's no big deal, Mom. It's fine. His dad asked me, and I said yes."

"Then he'd better pay you. He can definitely afford it." She pauses. "I really thought we'd get a chance to chat."

Too bad. I smile.

"Awesome! Tan we ting on the way to the hout?" Max asks.

"Totally! Singing is awesome. I'm down!" I say.

My mother purses her lips. "So, I guess I'll have to find my own dinner tonight, huh?"

"It's not going to be long, Mom."

"Oh, you're just dropping him off? I'll grab something on the way home. You want me to pick something up for you?"

"Nah, I'm okay. I'll eat later," I reply.

"Okay. See you later, Maxie! Keep practicing."

"I will Mit... B-b-v-vaughn!" he says.

"Look at you! Amazing!" My mother hugs Max.

"I know I am... tanks!" Max says and struts ahead of me down the hall.

I giggle.

"He really is awesome." My mother smiles caringly, but only for a moment. In the next breath, she says, "And you better make sure his daddy pays you. This is way too much! You shouldn't have agreed. He's using you and trying to see what he can get. Pretty soon you're going to be keeping Max, and he's going to be out doing God knows what with God knows who. You know these young fathers don't have morals. I should have gone to get him myself; give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. He wouldn't be asking all of this, if it was me. He already knows, I'm not to be played with."

Says the woman trying to set him up for a 'chat.' "Bye, Mom!"

"Don't let him shortchange you either, Summer!" she yells to me as I catch up with Max. "This is easily worth one hundred dollars."

Yeah, and he's giving me more, but you'll never know. I smile, ignoring my mother's promptings.

Max and I head to my car in the parking garage. I let him in the back. He buckles up without me telling him. I get in the car, start it, get the GPS up, and we are off.

"So, Max, what's your favorite thing to eat?" I ask.

"Tooties!" He pauses. "Oh, I mean... t-t-t-c-o-t-ies c-o-k-i-e-s."

"Oh, wow. That was pretty awesome. How did you remember to say that?"

"Oh, Mit Baughn, I mean, B-v-vaughn, taid, I mean t-th-s-s-aid, t-say it like I'm gargling."

"That's a neat trick." I giggle.

"Yeah. Can we liten to the radio?"

"Yeah, we can. But first, what else do you like to eat other than cookies? Like real food."

"Um, mat and teese."

"I could make some mac and cheese."

"Awesome!"

"Mac and cheese for dinner it is!" I squeal, turning up the radio.

We sing all the way to his house.

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# Chapter Seven: Haruki Arima

"Is this the place?" I ask myself, looking around at the neighborhood and checking the address Haruki texted me. Yep, this is it. I cut off the car.

"When is Daddy tumming home?" Max asks, unbuckling his seatbelt to hop out of the car.

"He said around eight." I get out of the car and lock the doors.

Wow, this house is really nice. This neighborhood is nice.

We walk up to the door, passing pillars on the sides of us. There is no porch, and the door is covered by a screen with white sides. I open it, reach into the mailbox near the door, and pull out one silver key. I stick it in the doorknob and open the door. Walking in, I think, This house is going to be immaculate.

Wow, this house is a mess. There are clothes all over the living room, and it smells like guy in here.

"You have to take your thoes off," Max says, as he slips his off. Leaving my side, he runs in the direction of the hall, goes down it, and up some stairs.

I do as he says and take my shoes off. Then, I walk into the kitchen.

The only place that isn't covered with something is the kitchen. It's spotless in here. I go back into the living room. Where did he say that credit card was? I look around the living room and spot it, taking it off the coffee table. I'll just order something. I won't cook anything. I'd hate to add to the mess, especially in the one place that isn't messy.

I look through some nearby restaurants on my phone, order some mac and cheese, and get Haruki some too.

Max comes back down.

"So, what do you and your dad usually do when you get home?" I ask.

"Well, Daddy usually goes to his office," Max says, and though I know he has a speech impediment, I understand everything he says just fine. I don't even notice it. "I usually play in my room. After dinner, we watch a movie or play a game."

"Oh, okay. I ordered the food. Want to play a game until it gets here?"

"Yeah!" Max runs somewhere and returns with a board game.

"Wow! I haven't played one of these in a long time," I enthuse.

He explains the directions to me as he's opening the box and setting up the game. We play until the delivery guy knocks on the door. Then, we play during dinner.

At some point, we fall asleep with the television on. I wake up suddenly and stretch while I look over at Max.

He's sleeping. Should I move him? Probably not, I don't exactly know where his room is and his dad probably doesn't want me roaming around his house.

"But... I am going to tidy up a bit." He'll probably freak out if he thinks he let me see the living room all gross like this--what am I talking about? He's a guy, he doesn't care.

While Max is sleeping, I put away the board game and throw away our takeout containers. Where is the laundry room? I think to myself as I walk through the kitchen. I spot it off to the side and go back into the living room. It's not like it's super dirty, he just has lots of nice clothes all over the floor and surfaces. I'll put them in the laundry room--but I'm not touching any guy underwear, so that'll stay.

I pick up his slacks, white shirts, ties, and other collared shirts. I can't help but sniff them. Wow, all his dirty clothes smell really nice and not at all dirty. I laugh and place the bundle on top of the washer. You probably don't even wash these kinds of clothes. They're the kind that go to the cleaners. I walk back out to the living room and start straightening things. I put his shoes at the front door with the other ones. Max's too. I straighten the pillows on the sofa, fold the two blankets on the floor, and pick up the picture frames that are face down and put them face up without even looking at them. I pick up the fireplace stuff and put it neatly back into its holster.

My phone rings, startling me.

"Oh, it's my phone." I laugh as I check it. "Hello?"

"Hey, are you still babysitting?"

"Hey, Darby. Yeah, actually, I'm tidying up. It's not like the dad is a slob, but... no he's not, he's unrealistically hygienic. Even his dirty clothes smell like hot guy."

"Is he hot?"

"I don't actually know, but probably. Probably an asshole, too. Anybody who throws good clothes on the floor probably doesn't care about much, other than showing off and being a smug asshole. He probably treats women like trash and thinks we should all bow down to him."

"Yeah, guys who make a lot of money automatically think women can be bought. And most of us can. That's just how it is."

"I don't know about most of us. I'd like to think that we've risen from that."

"Well, you did say yes to a guy you've never met. You're taking care of his child and you're in his house, all because he said he'd give you five hundred dollars."

Maybe I've never met him. I guess that's the real reason I'm here. I'll keep that to myself for now.

"That is true, but it's not like I'm having sex with him. I'm doing a service."

"Yeah, you are..."

"Shut up!" I say annoyed.

"Plus, I think my mom has a cougar crush on him, so I'm enjoying myself completely. She thinks I just dropped Max off at home. I'm going to hold on to telling her I'm at his house until the perfect moment."

"You manipulative, little minx." Darby laughs.

"Yeah, I might even flirt with him just to say I did."

"Whatever. You and your mom have a weird relationship."

"You're just saying that because she doesn't like you. But you're right."

"She doesn't even know me, and she sure as hell doesn't know the shit we've done together. If she did, she wouldn't even let me be your friend!"

We both laugh. "Yeah, that's true."

"So, you said you were cleaning up his mess?"

"I just took his clothes and put them away. That's all. I did nothing else. Honestly, there's nothing else to do. Besides that, it doesn't even look like anyone lives here." I hear a car pull into the driveway and look out of the side window. "Oh, my gosh. He's here. You've got me all freaked out. What am I going to do?"

"Calm down. Just see if he's hot."

"I don't care if he's hot."

"Well I do, so tough luck. Get to making small talk and see if he needs another babysitter for when you're not available."

"It was only this one time, Darby."

"Well, that sucks."

I gasp. "He's getting out of the car."

"What kind of car does he have?"

The doors go up!

"HE HAS A CAR WITH BUTTERFLY DOORS?!"

"Yeah--wait he's..." I gasp as a warm feeling comes over my body.

"Summer?" Darby calls, but I can't answer.

The man who steps out of the car with the butterfly doors is more captivating than my mother had described. His hair is piercing black. It stretches down the nape of his neck and hangs by his face, covering his eyes. He flips his messy locks back to reveal his face. I drop the phone. I try to breathe as my heart beats out of my chest. Panting, my cheeks burn.

He closes the car door, and I bend down to pick up my phone.

The heat in my cheeks spreads all over my face--all over my body. I gulp, and before I know it, he's opening the front door. I can do nothing but turn around, holding the phone with my mouth open.

He stops halfway inside the entrance hall. "Uh, hey... Summer?"

I can't speak. My tongue, it won't move. A whimper is all that comes out.

"Summer?" he calls again, coming all the way inside the house and slipping his shoes off. "Are you okay?"

His voice... I swallow. Oh, my God! It's him! No!

"Summer?" he says, walking over to me.

Oh God, he's coming over here.

"Summer?"

"Yes... yes!" I say anxiously. "I'm sorry."

"For what, exactly?"

"I heard something--your car and then..."

"It's okay. It's just me."

"Um..." I try to say something.

He turns to me. "Wait, do we know each other?"

I gulp, trying to keep my panting to myself. "You..."

"Oh, wait a minute." He smirks sexily.

"You still have to pay me!" I blurt out.

"Whoa, whoa, of course I would, Summer. Summer Vaughn?" He smirks and turns to look at Max. "How was he?" he asks, walking over to him.

"H-h-e had a good day," I say awkwardly, averting my eyes from him, sweating and fidgeting.

Oh, my goodness! As if it weren't bad enough back then, he's even hotter now. Why do all the scummy guys have to be so hot? The only person I even told about him was Darby, and I still didn't tell her the truth. He just turns up with a kid? What the hell? That was like five or six years ago. Why am I still so shaken by him? I freak out as he kneels down near Max. He tilts his head a little and kisses his son on his forehead.

An unrecognizable sensation comes over me. Haruki.

"Hello?"

Darby! I put the phone to my ear. "Oh, sorry. Um... I'll call you back!" I end the call and stuff my phone in my back pocket.

"Was he good?" Haruki asks.

I can finally walk or do anything that requires movement. "Oh, yeah. He was great." I walk over to them, but stop abruptly. I can't get too close, or I'll freeze up again. "We ate some mac and cheese. I got you some, too. It's on the counter," I say breathily. "We played a game and watched a movie before he fell asleep."

I was a complete bitch to him back then. Please, God, don't let him be an asshole to me. I just want to get my money and go home.

"Yeah, he always wants to watch movies but can't make it through any." Haruki smiles, standing back up.

He's not even going to say anything? He's probably like, 'I can't believe I let this racist bitch keep my kid.' I know he's going to flip out any time now.

"I cleaned up a little--not that your house is dirty--it's not. It was just..." I stammer.

"Summer?" His voice tells me he is about to talk about the past.

"I'm sorry. I'm not racist, and I didn't do anything to Max. I actually really like him. And I'm sorry about before. I was sixteen and some stupid ass girls were bullying me over a dumb guy and I--"

"Hey, wait, wait!"

"I would never..."

"Summer, yes, you were a complete bitch, and you were the first chick to totally flash me, but..."

"Oh, my God, I totally did!" My face becomes even hotter as I cover my fully covered breasts.

He laughs. "That was a long time ago. I can let it go if you can. A lot of shit has happened. I mean, I have a kid now, and it's all good. Your mom seems to be good people, so I'm going to assume you are too."

"This is so awkward."

The smirk on his face lets me know he has something else to say. "You know I knew that was all an act. Why'd'you never come back?"

"Because," I say, turning my face away from him and averting my eyes. "I thought it was stupid. I dropped out of the program, anyway."

"Is this the real you?" he asks. "You know you're blushing, right?"

"Shut up."

He laughs.

"You're different too." He's so much more laid back and obnoxiously sexy.

"Of course I am. After our little encounter, I went off the radar. I spent two years losing my fucking mind. Then all of a sudden, I had a kid. That kind of shit puts you back on track." He pauses. "So, what happened to you? Why'd'you let go of your bad girl persona?"

"I don't know. It just got old. And it wasn't a bad girl thing, it was an I'm tired of idiot guys thing."

"And how many idiot guys have you dated?"

Oh, that's a good question. I ball my fists, taking a deep breath and letting it ease out. "I-I've never really had a boyfriend."

"So what were you tired of, exactly?"

I scratch my head; my lip quivers. "I-I'm going to go..." I say with a hollow voice. "I'm sorry."

"Summer, you don't have to be sorry. I'm being rude. Thank you," he says sincerely. "You're not acting like a complete bitch now, so if you're cool, I'm cool."

How can he just say that? Why is he so... so... It's hard to say what he is.

"O-okay."

"You know you don't have to clean up behind us."

"It's fine."

"I'm not trying to be a slob. I'm just not home a lot. We don't... have a lot of lady-like people around here. We don't really have any people here. It's just me and Max."

"Oh." I gulp.

Though his words are normal, his rugged, deep voice has a hint of sweetness. As his voice falls on my ears, I can't help but notice all the sparks in my body. I twitch, sporadically trying to find more words to say but find none.

"Yeah, so thanks a lot. I know it's a little later than what I had said, but I can pay you more."

"No. That won't be necessary."

"You sure? It's almost nine." He takes off his suit coat and lays it across the top of the sofa.

"It's fine. He was no trouble," I say, not staring at how perfectly his shirt fits him. I have a small flashback to his dorm room and his old self. My body tenses up.

"Okay, good then." He walks over to the desk in the corner, pulls out a checkbook, and starts to write with his left hand.

He's left-handed? I didn't notice that before? Does it matter? Why am I freaking out over stuff that doesn't even matter?

He tears the check so strongly it almost seems like he touches me. I stumble a little, for no reason, just weak. "Oh..." I say, gaining my balance.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah... I­--"

"Thanks again. I really need to be here with him, but I want to get a better position. Max and I do have a comfortable lifestyle, but if I get this position, I can make my own schedule." He sits down on the arm of the sofa with the check in his hand. He lays it on the table and then loosens his tie. I gulp as he rolls his sleeves up.

I don't get it. It's just like before: the tone of his voice, his body, his eyes­--everything he does messes with me. Why?

"If I get this position, I'll have to travel a lot, but I can do it at my own leisure. I'll be able to spend more time with him."

"Well, you sound like a good father."

"I don't know if I am, but I'm trying."

I lose focus of the conversation. He's got a lot of tattoos. He didn't have any back then, did he?

"You look like you're thinking. What are you thinking about?"

"You have a lot of tattoos." What? Why did I just blurt that out?

"Oh yeah," he says, showing off his arms. "I had a few back when I was in college, but I was kind of a bitch. I got these after I graduated." He shows me his colored arms.

They all look so poetic and tribal and a little Asian, too.

"I have some on my chest."

"I don't want to see them!" I say. Oh no! Why does that keep happening? Why am I just blurting out exactly what I think?

"I didn't think you did." He laughs coolly. "You seem nervous."

"I should go."

"Yeah, I mean, it's late. Sorry, I don't get to talk to a lot of grown-ups."

He thinks I'm a grown-up?

"Well, outside of people at my job? But those fuckers are pretty much preschoolers. Anyway, thanks again." He reaches for the check on the table and hands it to me.

"Thanks." I smile and awkwardly leave his house.

Everything seems like a blur until I'm home and in bed, my face in my pillows. I've never met a guy who's like him. He's so unique, and he looked so good in his suit. I know how to talk to men. Why am I so weird around him? Turning over, I grab one of my pillows and clutch it to my chest. He called me a grown-up. How could he even be nice to me after all the shit I said to him when I was sixteen? I toss the pillow in the air, forgetting mid way.

The pillow smacks me dead in my face. I'm acting like a little girl. I gasp. My mom's right. He's a real man. I'm still stuck in adolescence. A guy like that would never look at me.

I sniffle, a sensation of inadequacy bubbling up in me as I give into my once locked away feelings. It's too late for me to say I don't like him. I get what my mom was saying; I want to know more about him too. He had pulled on my heart strings so strongly back then and even stronger now. A sadness sets in. Karma's a bitch.

I'll never be able to be with a man like Haruki. There will always be someone better than me, someone he'll like more than me. I glance up into the open space. "I guess it's my mom this time, she's just as much of a bitch as Sid, so it's fitting. I bet she'd do things I wouldn't dream of doing with him." I smirk disappointedly.

I'm not stupid like I was, though. My mom has already got him on her radar. I won't put myself in the position to get laughed at and made a fool of by him or my mother. As if my mother needs anymore ammunition to fuel her arsenal of things to gloat about. Even if these flutters in my stomach and heart mean anything, I should let it go. I know how this goes; I'll feel way more for him than he'll ever feel for me.

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# Chapter Eight: A Job

It's Monday again and those little fifteen minutes of seeing Haruki are still running through my mind. Everything--how his lips looked when he spoke, how his eyes glistened, how his body moved--it all stayed with me. It isn't as easy to put him out of my mind this time around.

I am in class, thinking about all this and recalling the things my mother had said about him when my phone rings, startling me out of my thoughts.

Ugh, I hope it's not my mom; I think as I pull my phone out of my pocket. I gasp. It's Haruki.

"Excuse me!" I scramble up from my desk. "I have to take this." I leave the classroom quickly, slamming the door behind me and answer the phone. Pushing my back up against the wall next to the door, I longingly answer, "Hello?"

"Hey, Summer?"

"Yeah, what's up? Did you mean to call me?"

"I sort of need your help again. If you're not busy."

"I'm not busy; my last class is about to end. I just stepped out to take this call."

"You're in college?"

"Yeah. What do you need my help with? And when?"

"Today, if it's not too short notice. Could you pick Max up from school? Well, maybe you don't have to pick him up from school."

"I can."

"Maybe just from your mom's office. He rides the bus, although I'm sure he'd rather get a ride from you. I'll still give you the same amount. I'll probably be home around eight, or at least I'll try to. I know you probably feel weird but don't. Max had a lot of fun with you. There's really no one else that I know. Well, that I'd trust with my kid."

"Yeah, you said that, but you went to college here."

"It's a long story. I kind of went rogue after college."

"Did you go back home?"

"No. Technically yes, but not for long. I was back and forth."

"Why'd'you move back?"

"Because this is where the job was."

"Oh."

"I don't really know you, so I don't know why I'm asking."

"I can do it. It's no problem. I don't feel that weird."

"Really? I don't want to inconvenience you or anything. I'll give you more money."

"You don't have to. It's fine. I like Max; he's cool."

"He really likes you, too. He's actually the reason I called. I was just going to pick him up and bring him to the office with me, like I used to, but he said he wanted to hang out with you again. You guys didn't finish your game or something--I don't know."

"Oh yeah, we started watching a movie." I laugh. "I guess, I sort of owe you."

"Owe me?"

"Yeah."

"Summer, don't say that. We're not those people anymore."

"Yeah," I agree thoughtfully.

"Well, cool." He changes the mood. "I'm going to call the school and put you on the pickup list, so you won't have to deal with all the stuff you did last time."

"Good. It'll be nice to hang out with Max again." I keep the mood light.

"Yeah, everything is still the same: the key's in the mailbox, credit card on the table, and get whatever you want." He pauses. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this. A lot of people probably wouldn't even help me."

"What? Why?"

"Nah, it's okay. That's a conversation for another time. Thanks again."

"Yeah, no problem. Thanks for calling." I am slightly confused by the sincerity in his voice and his statements.

"Yeah, my pleasure."

There is some awkward silence.

"Well ... um--bye then," I say.

"Oh, yeah," he says, like he had been waiting for more conversation. "Bye."

The call ends, and I hold the phone in my hands like it's precious to me. The door swings open, and students emerge from my classroom and other rooms. My focus is fully on my cheeks warming and the smile I can't contain. I let out a dreamy sigh, and then I do a little dance in the hallway.

"What's wrong with you, dork?" Darby asks, appearing behind me, fresh out of her class.

I am not as embarrassed as I would be, had it been someone else. "I'm babysitting again, tonight."

"For the guy you hung up on me for?"

"I didn't hang up on you. I told you I'd call you back."

"Which you never did."

"Darby, you don't understand... I know this guy."

"What?"

"Okay, so remember when I was in the Junior Entrepreneur Program back when we first met?"

"You mean when I was a freshman? Before I became a freshman again?"

"Yeah."

"Ever regret any of that?"

"I barely remember any of it, like it wasn't me."

"Yeah..." Darby sighs. "But we're here now at this rink-a-dink college, taking a few courses at a time and paying for our mistakes."

"Yeah, meanwhile, the tutor I walked out on is the guy I'm babysitting for."

"No fucking way! That's the weird name guy? What was his name?"

"Haruki."

"Wait--pause! Why are you so happy about this? You said he sucked."

I never told her how I really felt, and I can't tell her now, can I?

"He did, back then, but now..." I say, my arms dropping. "He's so out of my league. He's got this big house, expensive car, and an awesome job, while I'm living at home and attending a second-chance college. He might as well be one of these instructors--off limits. Plus, my mom sort of has the hots for him."

"Yeah, he sounds out of your league. Mine too." She smirks.

"He looks the same, but he's not this weeny guy anymore. He actually seems kind of bad ass, which is horrible because I sort of liked him when he was a weeny dude. Now, I like him even more," I say, without thinking.

"Wait--you just said."

Crap! "I mean..."

"No... no... you meant what you said. You did like him. You didn't walk out of that tutoring session and never go back because you hated this guy. You liked him, and you didn't want to deal with it."

My lip quivers. I scour my brain for anything to object to her words, but as my body weakens, I can't hold it anymore.

"It doesn't matter. I was just a kid to him then, and I'm probably the same to him now. He might as well be my dad or my big brother. I can't like him. Like you said, I ran away from it before, so I can run again."

"I don't think that's how love works. It has no respect of person. You just feel it, and then you become dumb as shit."

I giggle, but I immediately take it back. "Love? No way. I'm not in love with him."

"Bullshit. Twice he knocked you off your axis. Twice."

"It's because he's really hot. Like, unbelievably hot, and most guys like that are jerks."

"You sound like a teenager."

I sigh. "I know! He definitely looks at me like that too."

"Well, you do sort of act like a kid. Your mom pays all your bills, and you chill at her office. Basically, you don't have a life separate from her."

"Well, I'll show him I'm a woman and how valuable I can be."

"Shut up. You just said you were going to run away again. Make up your mind. And, loser face, you're valuable because you're you, and if he can't see that, it doesn't really matter how amazing he seems to be, he is a jerk."

"I didn't say he couldn't."

"Well, get your panties out of the bunch and go find out. Talk to him and stop obsessing over him. I bet that's what you've been doing since the last time you saw him."

I roll my eyes and pout my lips, slightly angry because she speaks the truth.

"Use your position to hang out with him. If he thinks you're a kid, his guard is down, so you can ask him anything, and he'll be honest. There's no reason he needs to lie to you. Use what you find out to make him see you as a woman."

"That's a great idea--wait, the last time I took your advice, I spent a year and a half underage drinking and not graduating on time."

"This time, I'm not a stupid eighteen-year-old who has a grudge against men, and you're not a stupid sixteen-year-old who hasn't gotten over her first broken heart."

"Yeah."

"Plus, you're an exceptional cook. Guys love when women know how to cook. Don't let that shit go to his head but let him know you are both fierce and womanly, if you want him like that."

"I don't know how I want him, honestly. I just know I've never felt like this in my life. It even hurts to be honest about it, but I can't lie to you."

"Nope, not at all. You love him."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"I've never wanted to spend time or get to know any guy, not even Jacob. I literally was happy with idle phone conversation. I'm disconnected from humanity or something--except you, but you kind of bombarded your way into my life."

"True story."

"Since what happened in high school, I thought me and guys couldn't work out. I don't understand them. Whatever I'm feeling is not what they're feeling. I don't want to feel helpless against Haruki. Maybe I should just... I don't know. He probably won't ask me to keep Max again. Maybe after this time, I won't see him anymore. Max'll only go to my mom for six months, so after that, I won't have to see Haruki, and I can just go back to being my old reclusive self."

"Again, he fucked you up twice, Summer, without touching you. You can't just let it go this time."

He did touch me. I recall him in my face, sternly demanding I say his name properly. "But just being around him makes me want to touch him. It's so weird. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm so bad at it. All I really know how to do is keep guys at a distance from me, by making it seem like I'm into them. I don't know how to make a guy interested in me."

Darby laughs. "Because you can't. He either is or he isn't."

"Darby."

"Just let it flow naturally. Be honest with him and his kid. I promise you, the older you get the more people appreciate genuineness."

"You mean, the older you get the less of a crazy bitch you are?" I smile thoughtfully.

"That's still up for debate."

When school lets out, I rush home to change my clothes, but then I change them back. I don't want to present something that isn't me. I want to know if he can like the real me.

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# Chapter Nine: Woman

At around 8:30 p.m., I draw Max a bath in the upstairs bathroom. As he plays with his toys and washes himself, I look around the upstairs.

Max was so happy when he saw me today, I smile to myself. He literally was jumping up and down.

There are three sizeable rooms, a hall closet and another bathroom. It's cleaner up here. Max's toys are perfectly in place in his room.

I hear the door open, and I head down the stairs. Halfway there, I see Haruki taking his shoes off near the door.

He's wearing sneakers with that nice suit? Did he have some on last time, too?

"Hey!" He smiles, shutting the door behind him.

"Hi." I smile. Aw, he looks so good. "Max is taking a bath."

"Really, he got in there for you?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"Great, so you'll have to be here at bath time every night. He refuses to get anywhere near the tub for me. I literally have to bribe him." He laughs as he takes off his suit jacket and loosens his tie.

As I stand at the bottom of the steps watching him. He rolls up his sleeves, revealing his tattoos. I gasp; my cheeks burn a little when I realize I am staring.

Oh, he didn't notice. "There's some mac and cheese in the microwave for you."

"Again? I guess that's better than what I would have eaten."

I smile as he approaches the stairs. "Hang out for a bit, okay? I'll get him to bed."

"Oh... sure... yeah..." I smile as he passes me on the stairs.

He wants me to hang out? I pant, walking away from the stairs. I gather up the dishes and hand wash them. Since there is no drying rack, I let them dry in the dishwasher. I put away the game we played and place it back on the shelf where we had gotten it from.

I walk around looking at pictures--the ones I hadn't paid attention to before. I hear footsteps. When I look over, Haruki is descending the stairs.

"You wore him out. He didn't even try to argue with me about going to bed," Haruki says. "I even got a shower. That, like never happens, unless he's sleeping."

As he speaks, I notice he is wearing a fitted T-shirt and some baggy jeans.

I take a breath, trying to ease all the feelings I have inside so they don't come out of my mouth.

"Thanks." He looks at me as he sits down on the sofa.

"You're welcome. It was a lot of fun." I join him on the opposite end of the sofa.

"I didn't think watching kids would interest a college kid like you, especially given our first encounter."

Before I can even notice, my heart breaks a little. My thoughts turn into words. "College kid?"

"Oh," he says, noting the disappointment in my voice. "I didn't mean you were a kid. I just--you're young."

"I'm twenty-two."

"That's young compared to me." He smiles. "I'll be twenty-eight this year."

"I'll be twenty-three next year," I rebut.

"Hey, don't think too much of it. I don't really know how to talk to women. I didn't back then, and it's gotten progressively worse since. I've never really had to. I guess that's why people tell me Max doesn't seem like a five-year-old. I don't know how to talk to kids either."

"Oh, so you don't think I'm just a little girl?" Why my entire identity seems to be hanging on his answer, I don't know.

"No, I don't. You're responsible as far as I can see. Max really likes you. He has fun. He's not dead when I get home or all banged up, so I'd say you're pretty grown up."

I smile.

"Don't listen to me. I know nothing about women as far as making them happy or making them smile. I kind of ultimately suck at that." He glances at me for a moment. "But you're smiling, so I win this time. I'm sure you hated me the first time you met me." He lifts his eyes to me.

He sounds pathetic, but he's still cute.

"So, anyway, I was wondering if you could get Max tomorrow?"

"I can do that," I answer, giving no thought to it.

"Awesome."

"No problem." I smile.

"So, what did you guys do today?" he asks, getting up off the sofa. I wait for him to come back.

"We finished the game we were playing--he totally won. He sucks at winning, though; he made fun of me for like ten minutes." I laugh.

He comes back to the sofa with his steaming bowl of mac and cheese and a spoon. "He's way competitive. I don't play with him a lot anymore because he'll do anything to win. And then if he doesn't win, he'll throw a huge fit. I can't deal with that."

"Really? I'm glad I didn't win." I laugh.

When I glance over, the mac and cheese is gone. "Man, that was great."

"You're finished already?"

"Finished? Not at all. That was like an appetizer. I could eat six of these." He laughs. "You want to order some more food? Did you eat mac and cheese, too?"

"We ate at five, so I could probably eat again."

"Cool, what do you want?"

"I could cook something?" I suggest.

"I'm pretty sure there's only some old iced coffee, maybe some milk, and some mustard in the fridge." He laughs. "Unless you work miracles, there's nothing you can whip up with that combination--at least, nothing I'd eat."

"Take out it is." I grin.

"American? Asian? Mexican?"

"Mexican."

"Awesome. I love Mexican."

"Order anything with chicken and I'll eat it," I say.

"Second that." He picks up the phone. "I'll get something from this authentic Mexican joint." He places an order, sets his phone on the table, and walks back over to the sofa. "This place is legit. Completely authentic. No one speaks English, but it's so fucking delicious--oh, I'm sorry. I've kind of got a bad mouth. I had to clean it up for Max, you know? But still, I'm surprised he's not constantly flipping people off."

I laugh. "It's fine. Darby has a potty mouth, too."

"Darby--that a guy?" he inquires with a raised eyebrow.

"No, it's a girl."

"Well, I mean, there are a lot of unisex names these days. I was just checking."

"Yeah, you say it like you're way old. And what about your name? It sounds unisexual."

I can't believe I just said 'sexual' in front of him.

"Nah, not really. My grandpa named me."

"Your grandpa?"

"Yeah, an old wrinkly dude in a yukata with an unbelievably long mustache." He laughs.

"Yukata? What's that?"

"Traditional Japanese clothes."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, my dad's side of the family is Japanese."

"What about your mom?"

"I'm pretty sure she's just American." He smiles. "But she's way obsessed with Japanese culture. Honestly, I don't know a lot about Japan or the culture. I've never been there, but my friends still give me a lot of shit for my name."

"Do you know how to speak Japanese?"

"Not really. I know a few things, but we never spoke it growing up. You can call me Haru, by the way. That's what my parents call me. Most people at my job and my friends call me Arima."

"Yeah, I remember. I also remember you get pissed when people don't pronounce your name with a rolled 'r', I'll probably never forget that."

"Damn straight, you remember." He laughs.

"You were way extreme. That was unnecessary."

"Yeah, especially since I don't know shit about being Japanese."

"That's funny." I giggle.

"Well, I still like my name. I just like the way it sounds. Haruki Arima--sounds legit. Like, I grew up in Japan or some shit," he says proudly.

I really like his name too. "You should go visit sometime."

"I don't know." He sighs and pauses for a minute. "What about your family?"

"I'd like to say we're multicultural, but I don't really know. I haven't talked to my grandparents since before my parents divorced. I never knew my dad's parents, and I haven't seen my dad since before I started high school. It's a mystery to me, but I'm definitely black. We'll leave it at that."

"Sounds good to me."

"What about Max's mom? Is she Japanese or something?"

He hesitates. "Honestly, I don't know."

What?

"I can't really remember her."

Wow, was their relationship that bad?

As I am thinking, the doorbell rings.

"Oh, I'll get it." Haru hops up to open the door. He tips the delivery person and takes the brown bag before shutting the door.

"Finally!" he says, walking over to the sofa. He immediately removes the containers, placing them on the table, along with the bag.

"So yeah, not a lot of history between us. And I know nothing about her family. My mom and dad are way up in the mid-west somewhere. I'd like to go and see them sometime, but with work and Max, I don't have a lot of free time."

"You sound pretty busy."

"That's another reason why I want this promotion. Max has never met my parents in person. They've only ever chatted on the phone or video chat. It'd be nice to go home and let him see where he comes from, you know?"

I nod.

"Hey, you want to try this? It's a shrimp and avocado taco." He hands me a thin shell with a few shrimps and some avocado strips in it. He places a little lettuce and pico de gallo sauce on top. I move to take it from him, but he puts one hand under it and holds the taco with the other. I scoot over to him, and he feeds me.

"Oh, sorry. You got a little on your face." He laughs.

I wipe it off as I chew. "That's really good."

"This is as close to home-cooked as we get around here." He finishes the taco.

He's so free and unalarmed by things. He's way laid back, nothing like I thought he would be. I wish I wouldn't have walked out of that dorm room back then. Maybe it doesn't matter now.

"I cook almost every night for my mom and me."

"Really? I didn't even know women still liked to do that."

"It's okay. I'm not like a chef or anything. I like to cook small, simple meals, you know? Fun ones."

"I suck at all kitchen things, but I can handle people. I also suck at personal relationships but excel at business ones. I'm the go-to-guy to fix shit when somebody makes a mess."

"That's awesome. I suck at people in all general ways."

"Well, yeah. I knew that."

"What?"

"I'm just kidding; it's not that big of a deal. The actual reason I remember it is because you flashed me."

"I didn't flash you."

"Oh, you definitely flashed me, and you didn't even care. You didn't even look at me like a guy--my pride was hurt." He laughs.

Why is he laughing?

"Hey, do you want to watch a movie while we eat? Max loves to watch--well, he loves to say he wants to watch a movie, but I don't know how much he actually watches." He smirks.

"Yeah, anything is fine."

"Cool. How about a thriller or something? I can never watch these kinds of movies with Max."

"Aww, does he get scared?"

"No way! He's always asking questions, finding weird things about the movie, or giving different scenarios until he ruins the movie--total spoiler."

I laugh. "Okay."

He puts on a movie, and we watch it, but we mostly eat and talk. He continues to offer me unfamiliar foods to try, like wonton tacos and chicken-stuffed rellenos. Our laughter resonates throughout the living room. Now and then our eyes meet, and for a few seconds, we gaze at one another. My heart flutters and I turn away, laughing off the deep connection I feel to this man. The tranquility and comfort of being around him warms my body and makes my head tingle.

As the movie progresses, I jump when the music signals something is going to happen. Haru laughs at me with a sexy tone. From time to time, I get lost in his eyes and his smile while my soul experiences happiness it never has.

I can feel him smiling at me, but I can't move because I want to know what's going to happen.

"Ah!" I scream when I see the guy bust out of a teenager's closet.

He laughs. "Are you scared?"

"I'm not scared."

He smirks. "You can sit closer if you're a little scared. I don't bite."

"Okay, I may be a little jumpy."

"It's fine, bring it in. I'll protect you from the random guy with the rope running after six teenagers in the woods."

We both laugh as I scoot closer to him.

I wonder what's too close.

I scoot even closer to him and his arm falls at my side.

"Is this okay?" he asks.

"Yeah." I smile, sitting sideways with my back against his ribs, my feet and legs on the sofa.

Maybe he wants to be close to me, too. I wish he'd put his arm around me, but that would probably be awkward.

Max, your Dad is amazing, I think as I snuggle into him and continue to watch the movie. I jump sometimes and Haru laughs at me. Somehow, we drift off to sleep.

***

"Shit! It's midnight. Summer!" Haru's voice wakes me.

It feels like I've only been asleep for five minutes.

"Yeah?" I say, sitting up from lying on his lap.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to feed you until you fell asleep." He laughs.

I giggle.

He stretches. I stretch after him.

"It's okay. I had fun. I would have been at home listening to my mom bitch tonight, anyway." I look over at the television. "Aw, man. How did the movie end?"

"I have no idea. I was asleep too." He laughs.

"Oh," I say sleepily. "Well, I should probably go. It's late."

"Yeah." He watches me get up before standing and walking me to the door.

"Thanks..." I smile as he opens the door.

"Yeah, no problem. Actually, thank you. You're the one who's a lifesaver. Thanks for watching Max and for being... you, I guess. I like this you."

"Oh?" My cheeks warm up as I bow my head to hide my eyes. "Yeah, uh... I had a lot of fun with you and with Max. He's awesome. I like this you, too."

"Oh, let me get you a check." He walks over to the coffee table and grabs the black credit card. "Actually, what would you say to watching Max on Tuesdays and Thursdays? I can try to make those my long days. When I get this promotion, I probably won't need as much help, but for now, I could really use it."

"I could definitely do that. I don't have class on those days. I could pick him up from school and take him to speech, then bring him home."

"You don't have to do that. The bus can bring him to your mom's office."

"Yeah, but I think he'd like it better if he didn't have to ride the bus, and we sort of sing in the car."

"Yeah, he's definitely a singer. All right, then. I'm sure he'd love that."

"Okay." My heart flutters a little at getting just what I wanted: more time to spend with Max and more time to potentially spend with Haru.

"I'll be getting home around the same time, eight-ish or nine-ish. I promise I won't kidnap you anymore and feed you Mexican until you pass out."

"Don't worry, you can totally do that too." I giggle.

Did I really just say that? I hope he took it as a joke--I mean it wasn't but...

"Good deal! So, here's this." He hands me the black card.

"What's this for?"

"Gas, maybe getting Max some kind of treat, or whatever. You can use it. It's fine."

"Um..."

"Don't worry. You can get whatever you want with it. I could never pay you enough for what you're doing. I really appreciate it. So just take this, and get whatever you need to take care of Max and you, too."

"What?"

"It's easier than writing a check, and you can always use it."

"You must trust me a lot. I don't know why, though. You don't even know me."

"I know who I gave my card to, and Max likes you, so I feel like it's all right. After all, I'm insured up to one hundred thousand on this card. And if you do anything stupid, you'll be the one going to jail, not me. So, I feel just fine giving it to you."

"Oh, when you put it that way..."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just kidding. Like I said, it's easier than me having to remember to write you a check every Tuesday and Thursday."

"Okay then, I guess."

"Then, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Maybe we can finish the movie," I suggest.

"Maybe."

|  |

---|---|---

#   
Chapter Ten: Sitting

I spend the entire night thinking about things with Haru. It seems like I'm a babysitter on one hand, and on the other, I've connected with a man--which is amazing in and of itself.

I hope this connection is real. He'd better not be hooking up with other girls while I'm babysitting Max. That would suck.

I breathe deeply. I thought he was out of my league, and yet somehow, he seems nearer to me than any other man ever has.

Am I supposed to take five hundred dollars from the card every Tuesday and Thursday? Or keep track of gas and stuff for Max? Maybe I'm just supposed to use it when I need to--that's probably it. He doesn't seem like he likes to make things complicated.

My phone rings, interrupting my thoughts.

"Hello?" I answer the phone as I pull into the parking space at the store and shut off the car.

"Summer, where are you? I haven't seen you in two days. Did you even come home last night?" my mother asks.

"Oh, yeah. I was hanging out with a friend."

"A friend?"

"Yeah, remember you were giving me crap about not having any?"

"Well, good. I'm tired of seeing you at my office wasting away. You're young. You should spend time with your friends. Not too much, though. How is school?"

"School is okay. I'm still going if that's your actual question."

"I didn't think you weren't. I was just checking on you."

"I've been busy."

"Have you started finalizing your degree and getting into a dorm?"

"I've been working on stuff."

"Good then. I won't put too much pressure on you. I'm glad to see you're doing something."

"I sort of have a job, Mom."

"Oh, that's also good. Hopefully, it's not taking away from your studies."

"No, I'm just going to be picking Max up from school and bringing him to your office."

"Mr. Arima is trying to make sure Max doesn't miss the bus again, I see."

I'm sure that's not it, but I won't say anything because that's a good explanation.

"Yeah. Plus, I can save my money for when I move onto the dorm."

"Wow, sounds like you have a plan. That's better than playing on your phone all day, letting your life slip by."

"Mom, playing games and stuff is relaxing."

"Whatever, Summer. It's just nice to know you're not being as lazy as you have been. I'll talk to you later."

"All right, Mom." I end the call.

I exhale heavily. I do need to pick a major. But... I'd rather go hang out with a five-year-old than actually think about my future. I get out of the car and walk into the store. Haru made it seem like they never really have food in the house, so I'm getting some food that's good to have around: grapes, strawberries, apples--all stuff they can snack on.

I smile as I stroll down the aisle, plucking things off the shelf and thinking of meals I can make tonight. I even grab a pretty apron. When I get to the register, the bill is two hundred dollars.

I gasp. I'll just use this as a portion of my payment. I slide the black credit card to pay for my things. After taking everything out to the cart, I put it in my trunk. I pick Max up from school and take him to speech therapy. After dropping him off, I take all the groceries and things to the house.

I find a fancy bowl that has different random things in it, like keys, mints, ink pens, and candy. I dump the contents into a bag and place the bag under the coffee table in a cabinet. I refill the bowl with fresh apples, bananas, oranges, mangos, and kiwis, then place it on the kitchen island. I put the cold food where it needs to be and everything else goes into its respectful place.

I head back to my mom's office to pick up Max. I walk onto her office floor hallway where I see Max and my mother standing near her office.

"Summer!" Max smiles, running down the hall toward me.

"Hey!" I smile back and hug him.

"You're taking him home?" my mother asks, folding her arms.

"Uh, yeah. His dad's working late again. He's really trying to get this promotion."

"So, you talk to him?"

"Oh, um... a little."

"So, he's not going to spend any time with his son? He saw an opportunity to take advantage of a college student and throw his money around, and he took it."

"Well, I could use a job. It's just until he gets the promotion."

"Trust me, I don't have any complaints. I wouldn't expect anything less from a man like him. He's probably not even working late. He's probably hooking up with random women that he'd never actually be with, getting expensive hotel rooms, showing them a good time--that's fine, as long as he pays you, and as long as he pays me."

I really hope he's not doing that.

"Mom," I whisper. "I don't think you should talk like that in front of Max."

"What? He doesn't know what I'm talking about."

"I do. But I don't c-c-care. My dad does-sn't eben like random women. He only likes women he knows, and he doesn't know any women," Max says.

I cover my mouth to hide my smile and eye my mother.

"I'm sorry then, Max. I need you to say all that over, using what I taught you, please."

"Oh... My dad doesn't e-v-e-n like random women."

"Oh wow! You said all the sounds just right, Max!" My mom puts up her hand to give Max a high five.

Max jumps high to reciprocate. "Yeah!" he exclaims.

"Great job! I knew you could say all those sounds. Just have to think about it!" my mother says.

"That was awesome. You're super smart," I say.

"I am. Tanks."

"Top row, tip of your tongue." My mother smiles.

Max nods determinedly. "T-th-th-thanks."

"Beautiful." My mother says, proudly.

"All right, hotshot, let's go." I laugh. "Bye, Mom."

"Bye, Summer--oh, will you be home for dinner tonight?" my mother asks.

"Probably not. I'm going to go make dinner with Darby when Haru gets home."

"Haru? You're calling him Haru?"

Good. She didn't pry when I lied. I knew calling him that would throw her off.

My cheeks rose up. "Yeah, that's his name." I give some pouty attitude, quietly. "You want me to bring you some?" I shout out, hoping to redirect the conversation.

"Okay. And yeah, that would be awesome. I'll be here late."

"Okay. I will then."

"Thank you."

My mother returns to her office and Max talks to me about his day. We laugh and sing on the way home. I didn't forget to take my shoes off, but Max still reminds me before taking off upstairs.

I should start cooking soon. It's getting late, I think as Max stomps back down the stairs.

"Summer," he says, approaching me with a tablet.

"Can I watch v-videos?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Can you watch them in the kitchen? I think I'm going to cook dinner now."

"T-C-c-cook? You're going to m-a-k-e dinner?"

"Yeah."

"Can you ma-k-e dinner for Daddy, too?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll save him some."

"No, I mean can you call him and see if he c-can tome-come home early. Can I c-all him on your phone?"

"That was great. See, you're so smart. I'm not even a therapist, and you're still doing so well. It's all you!"

Max smiles. "Thanks! S-o, c-can I?"

"Uh... sure. But do you think he might be busy?" I unlock my phone and hand it to him.

"Yeah, he's always busy, but that doesn't mean he c-can't talk to me," Max says. "I mean, it doesn't s-t-o-p him from talking to me."

I smile. "You're right."

Wow, Max is such a good kid, I think. He totally doesn't reason like a five-year-old.

He calls Haru. He seems to be reading the circles on my screen. He presses the circle that reads "speaker" and I hear the phone ring once.

Summer?" Haru's voice says anxiously. "Is everything okay?"

"Daddy, it's not T-s-summer, it's me."

"Oh," Haru breathes playfully. "I don't know who me is, so I'm hanging up."

"Daddy! It's Max!" He laughs.

"Oh."

Max walks around the house as he and his father 'talk business.'

They are like best friends. I swoon. I love Haru's "daddiness." I giggle, I just made up a word.

They aren't even in the same room and I feel so warm. Haru is amazing...

"Daddy. Tan you tome home?"

"Max!" I smile at Max motherly.

He looks up at me as he walks over to the stools by the island and hops up in one.

"Oh, I mean, can you come home?"

"Now?" Haru asks.

"Yes." He pauses, preparing to say his next words. Max closes his eyes and focuses on the letter sounds, "S-ummer is ma-k-ing dinner."

"She is?"

"Yes." Max pauses. "Can we all eat together?"

He asks him whatever he wants. I could have never done that when I was a kid with my mom. I barely have enough courage to do it now. She'd never respond like Haru would anyway, I'd just feel stupid for saying the way I feel.

"Buddy..." Haru sighs and takes a moment before he speaks again. "Yeah, I can come home now. I see that you're trying so hard. You're doing so well. I'm sorry that I'm not there for you."

"You are, Daddy. I just want to eat together today, with S-summer."

"No problem, buddy. I'll be there in a little while."

"Really? Yeah!" Max hops down from the stool and hands me the phone before running all the way upstairs.

I laugh.

"Summer..." Haru says.

My heart clenches as he speaks. "Oh, hi!" I take the phone off of speaker and place it to my ear.

"You're making dinner?" Haru asks.

"Yeah. You said you guys never have home-cooked meals, so I figured I'd make Max some food. I didn't know he was going to suggest this."

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

"Just use the card, get him whatever he wants, you get whatever you want."

"I did. I wanted to make dinner."

"Oh, okay then. Um, I'll be home in about thirty minutes."

"Okay. I'll see you then."

"See you then."

I gulp and end the call. He was so serious, and then so gentle. Kind of vulnerable. I breathe deeply.

I swoon over Haru as I reach in the bag, grab the apron, and tear the tag off. I tie it around me before cutting the avocados. Avocado spring sandwiches sound delicious, but will Max eat that? Probably not, I can make him--no sandwiches are for lunch. I gasp--I can make Haru lunch for tomorrow when I make Max's. I run and get the rice cooker I bought and put away in the cabinet, take it out of the box, wash it, and put rice in it to cook. I cut the tomatoes, peppers, onions, and the cilantro, and hand mash the avocados. After that, I mix everything together, except the peppers. I butter a pan and let the peppers cook, then add some spices and chicken, letting it all marinate together.

Max comes back down the stairs and sits on the stool, headphones in, watching his tablet as I cook. I smile. I literally feel like I'm his mom. This is what happens, isn't it? When you're a family?

I finally finish preparing dinner. "All right, Max." I smile.

"We have to wait for Daddy."

"Yeah... of cour--" I start to say as the door unlocks and in walks Haru.

He slides his shoes off at the door.

"Hi!" I say immediately.

"Daddy!" Max grins and runs from the kitchen, through the house, to greet Haru with his tablet in his hand.

I smile, wiping my hands off on my apron.

"Hey." Haru smiles at me sweetly, and then looks down at Max, scooping him up in his suit-covered arms and hugging him.

Aw, they're so cute.

Max's feet touch the floor, and he runs back into the kitchen. "Look, Daddy. Tummer..." He pauses. "I mean, S-ummer made a big dinner."

"I see," Haru says, walking into the kitchen. He takes his suit coat off. "Wow, it smells really good. I'm always starving, so I can't wait to eat this. I bet it's delicious." He sets his coat on the back of a stool and rolls his shirtsleeves up to his elbows.

My cheeks burn. "Everything's ready. I just need to set the table. Go put your suit jacket in the laundry room, or hang it up. I don't want it to get dirty."

That's something a wife would say, right?

A smirk appears across Haru's face. "Yes, ma'am." When he returns, he says, "Summer, you're not a maid. We can set the table." He opens up the cabinets above the counter, revealing beautiful handcrafted ceramic square plates.

I ignore his words and my feelings as they bounce around me. "I didn't even realize you had plates."

"Yeah, it's like the one thing from my mom I keep in the house. She'd kill me if I got rid of them," Haru explains, setting the plates down on the countertop.

Haru and Max set the table, as if they weren't barbarian men who ate out of boxes and drank out of cartons all the time.

"Okay, so I'll make Max's plate, and you can make yours. There's fresh guacamole right there," I say, pointing to a nice black bowl full of fragrant avocado mash. "Rice is in the cooker, and there's chicken and peppers on the stove."

"Wow, this is amazing! It's looks really good. But you don't have to make Max's plate."

"I want S-ummer to make my plate," Max says.

"Oh, all right then."

"Okay, what do you want?" I eagerly say.

"I want some rice and chiten-c-h-i-c-k-e-n."

"No problem." I smile, making him a simple plate.

Like a gentleman, Haru puts everything I cooked on his plate.

They sit down to eat at the beautiful wooden table in the back of the kitchen, and I stand in the middle of the kitchen in an apron, watching. I already feel like I belong with them. It would be too much for reality to rip me away from them.

"Are you going to join us, Summer?" Haru asks.

Sitting down to eat with a man and a child frightens me. "Oh--yeah," I say, untying my apron and breathing fast. I gulp. I'm so nervous, I think as I make myself a plate and join them at the table. I sit by Max.

Haru and Max talk the entire time. I barely say anything. Max happily shares what he has learned at school and at therapy, and Haru listens attentively. I marvel at their closeness.

I've never been this close to my mom. This is nice. I smile.

"Man, that was top-shelf." Haru stretches. "I haven't eaten that well in a while."

I giggle. "Thanks."

"You know what you're doing, huh?"

"Nah, it's blind luck." I smile.

"Bullshit." He smiles.

Max doesn't seem to care, and neither does Haru; I don't want to be the one saying something about his choice of vocabulary in front of his child.

"All right, Max, let's go get a bath," Haru suggests, and they both get up.

Max runs quickly up the stairs.

"I'll be right back. I'm just going to get him started." He pauses, "Say good night to Summer." Haru instructs.

Max stops halfway up the stairs, turns to me happily and says, "Good night, Summer!"

"Good night, Max and Okay." I smile as they disappear up the stairs.

He's such a guy. He ate everything on his plate. I get up and glance over at the table. I'll leave the plates there until after I put the food away. They can have this for lunch tomorrow. I take out the storage containers I got and put the leftover rice, guacamole, peppers, and chicken in one for Haru. By the time I put everything in the refrigerator, Haru is back. I totally forget to save some for my mom.

"Hey, you don't have to do that," he says.

"Do what? I was just putting you some lunch away."

"You've done way too much for us. I can do that myself. You should just go home. I know you have to be tired."

"Go home?" I say, my body language changing.

Haru's face tells me he notices too. "I didn't mean I wanted you to leave. I just feel bad because--"

"I don't want to leave. I enjoy being over here. I had fun with Max. I like being around you... too."

"What?" he smirks.

I avert my eyes, trying not to twiddle with my fingers when doing so.

"Quite a different attitude from when we met in my dorm room."

He's right. He's still just as kind as he was before. I'm the one who changed. I bet if I wouldn't have been so full of myself back then, I would have fallen for him so hard. I practically already had, that's why I couldn't go back. I ignore his statement and clear the table.

"Here, I can help you. I'm not completely pathetic."

"I didn't--"

"I'm kidding." He helps me put things away, cleans the dishes, and the surfaces of the counters. At some point he asks, "So, you like being around me?"

"I just meant you and Max have an awesome relationship. I don't have anyone I'm close to like that, not even my mom."

"Well, we're all either of us have. We have to be close. Plus, we see each other every day."

I smile. "Yeah, I guess that's why I spend so much time at my mom's job."

"See, we got it done quickly." Haru's referring to the cleanliness of the kitchen.

"Yeah, we did..." I smile. "Um, I spent a lot of money today. All this stuff was like two-hundred bucks. I-I'm sorry. It's just you didn't really have anything--"

"No, don't worry about it."

"You can deduct it from my pay today."

"Nah, it's cool. This was amazing. It's nice to sort of have a friend."

Friend?

"Daddy!" Max says, jumping down the stairs. "Let's watch a movie!"

Haru turns around and picks Max up. "Can I at least take a shower? I smell like all day."

Max laughs. "Okay! Me and Summer will watch it until you get back."

"Oh, you will, will you?" Haru gives a playfully suspicious look at me.

"Yeah, your loss, all-day-smeller."

I smile.

"I guess I'll just have to hurry then, huh? So, I don't miss it all. What are you guys going to watch, Max?"

"Whatever we want!" He hops down from Haru's arms and runs into the den. I imagine he finds the remote and searches for a show or movie.

When I was his age, I was still trying to figure out how to turn on the TV.

"Keep him company until I'm done? I promise you can eventually go home." Haru smiles.

"It's cool." I gleam as I join Max in the den. It seems like Haru watches me walk into the den, but when I look back, he's gone.

I take a big breath. I don't want to go home.

|  |

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# Chapter Eleven: After Dinner

Haru's taking a shower, I think to myself as I sit next to Max on the sofa. Max is so happy to watch a movie about human-like foxes fighting crime, he barely even speaks to me. Unfortunately, that gives me time to over-analyze everything Haru said to me. He seems like a good person. It must be easy to make friends for him. Well, I'm a good person, too. I don't have any friends except for Darby--oh no; I have to text Darby.

--------

Hey

Whats up

If Mom my asks I'm at your place and we're making dinner

Whatever

--------

Sometimes my mom is a snooper. When I look over, Max is asleep on the sofa.

I check the time. Yep, 9:30 it's about that time.

Haru steps into the den. "So, what'd I miss?" Haru asks.

"Well, I think you missed about as much as Max did. He's passed out." I giggle as Haru walks over to the sofa. "He made it about forty-five minutes, and then collapsed."

"Yeah, we get up early. I'll take him upstairs and put him in his bed. Did you want to hang out for a while or you want to go home? I can't really gauge what you want, and I don't want to come off as some weird, old dude. Also, I don't want to trigger anything that's going to make you freak out on me again." He smirks. "I'm not opposed to you flashing me again though."

I laugh. "What?"

His smile goes away. "Ah, I'm really sorry about that, um..."

My cheeks are on fire, and I can't look at him.

"Let me just put him to bed." Haru takes Max in his arms and heads upstairs.

I don't know what he wants. Does he really not know that I like him? He has to know, right? Otherwise, why would he say something like that?

This is so confusing. I lie back on the sofa defeated, and in a few minutes, Haru returns.

He is smirking as he strolls back to the sofa. "Well, you're still here so I guess I didn't creep you out too much. Sorry about my mouth. I say shit all the time. I don't always have a filter, so I'm sorry in advance for all the shit I'm probably going to say at some point." He sighs. "If you want to stay, I'll probably end up like Max if we watch a movie, but you're welcome to." He sits on the other side of the sofa.

"Thanks, but I feel weird staying sometimes."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"I guess because you say we're friends."

"You don't think we are?"

"I don't know."

"We're definitely friends. It's kind of nice to have someone to talk to. I don't think I've ever had an actual conversation with a woman."

"That's a strange thing to say, considering you have a kid."

"We didn't do much talking."

"Oh!"

"Yeah... um, before Max came along. I was a different person, but it's all good now. Someone like you wouldn't even have talked to me, let alone cooked me dinner. Maybe the old you, definitely not who you are now."

"Someone like me?"

"Yeah, a nice girl wouldn't have come within fifty feet of me." He shakes his head. "Maybe when you were pretending to be a bitch. That's not who you are anymore. Or is it?"

"What? Do you not recall the dorky guy sitting behind a computer in his dorm room? The guy who I told I didn't want any water but brought me some, anyway? That guy was a good guy."

"I'm really not that guy anymore. Like, not at all."

"That can't be true." I smile.

"It is. It's so funny. That nice guy you couldn't stand, but the piece of shit that stands before you now, you want to be friends with?"

"What? Don't say that about yourself. Look at you, you have everything. An awesome kid, a job that can afford all this stuff, and an awesome car. You're like a genius. I guess, like my mom."

"This shit doesn't matter. This is what I've done since I fucked everything up. When I found out I had a kid, I didn't even have a job. I had a fucking master's degree, but I was chillin', practically homeless because I didn't want to go back home. There was no point. I worked so hard, putting myself through school, and then I had this bomb ass job at this company downtown that did sales and shit. I quit and said fuck it. I literally fell off the map."

"Wow, you were homeless?"

"Sort of. I just wasn't doing the right shit. I could have gone home, but what the fuck ever. Then all of a sudden, my parents get a call from some people, and I've got a fucking kid. Instead of them being all pissed off at their stupid ass son, they supported me. So, I filled out a bunch of applications at a bunch of places. I was a waiter for a little while, then I got a job at the broker firm. My last promotion moved me here ... and that's pretty much how it went."

After he says that we forget about the movie.

"Well, that's not so bad. You probably didn't even do anything that bad." I ignore his disagreeing eyes. "When we met each other, I was a complete, broken mess. Not that I'm much better now, but back then, I didn't really know how to protect myself."

"What do you mean?"

"Some lame guy broke my heart, but it was my fault because I didn't really understand romantic relationships. I told you my mom and dad got a divorce before I started high school, but he was always estranged. It feels like my mom's always been a single mom, and having a single mom sometimes means you miss stuff. She was always at work or at school. So, I was alone a lot."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. It's in the past. By the time I reached high school, I hadn't really developed social skills. I had been doing everything on my own. All my mother ever worried about were my grades. Everything else was up to me."

"Wow, your mom works hard, but maybe she should have spent more time with you."

"Maybe. I don't know. We're so different. I'm not sure if it would have helped. We're so distant from each other, even now."

"Tell me what happened."

"Huh?"

"Like, seriously, what happened? How did this guy break your heart?"

"Oh..."

"How did you end up in my dorm room, flashing your boobs without a care in the world and having the worst attitude I'd ever seen in my life?"

I gulp. "Well... freshmen year of high school," I say, rubbing the back of my neck and keeping my eyes from Haru, "I had a crush on this guy. I thought he liked me, but he was actually dating someone else. I thought we were going out. Seriously, who gets a boyfriend wrong?"

"That doesn't sound too bad. Everybody makes mistakes in high school."

"Yeah. I guess. I was devastated because the girl was supposed to be my friend. I told her everything, and I was just a stupid little kid. If it would have all ended there, it would have been okay, but they made my life a living hell. The bullying got so bad I had to leave school."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah. Of course my mom thought I was being bullied for being weird or something. I didn't try to change her mind about it. I was homeschooled sophomore year. Then I went back junior year, and only went to the high school campus a couple days a week, the other three days I was at Lincoln. I was pretty much invisible by then, so no one was bothering me."

"I took college credits my junior and senior year too. You must have been making pretty decent grades to be able to get in that program."

"I was until I started partying all the time. I can't believe all that happened because of one guy. I developed this callas attitude. I didn't want to need anyone, which meant I'd never get close to anyone, especially a guy."."

"How long did that last?"

"The partying--not long."

"Wow! That must have been way crappy. That explains a lot. You pretty much hate guys, don't you?"

"I used to. Then I met you, and you messed all that up."

"O-o-h, so you did like me? That explains things even more. Some guys are douches. I mean, I'm a douchey guy, I'm positive of that. I didn't used to be, but shit happens."

"You're not a douche. You weren't back then, and you aren't now. You're like the kindest, most genuine person I've ever met. It may have seemed like I hated you, but I mostly was scared. I let my guard down without even knowing, and then you grabbed me and were talking in my face all sexy. Even though you were being stern, your hands were gentle. I hated being submissive to you."

"Sexy, huh?" He smirks, thoughtfully.

I don't take it back even though my cheeks are burning, and I can't look at him.

Haru sighs. "Summer, I am not a nice guy. Maybe I used to be."

"You are."

"You don't know me. Max changed my whole life. The first year I had Max, I didn't know how to handle him. It hasn't always been like this. Even now, I think I'm a hopeless case."

"I think you're great dad."

"And I think you're doing an amazing job with him and me, for that matter. This promotion is so important to me, and so is Max."

I smile. "I can't believe I just told you all that. My mom doesn't even know."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I never told her. I stuck with the story that the principle told her--that whole being weird thing."

"I don't think you're weird."

"I was way different when I was an adolescent."

"Me too. Life fucks things up, sometimes it un-fucks it too."

I giggle.

"Yeah, okay. Here's something I never told anyone: I used to want to be a bodybuilder; I wanted all the muscles in the world."

"You have a nice body." I clear my throat. "Even back then, it was nice."

"Yeah, but I was fucking skinny. I wanted to be muscular." He laughs.

"I think you're just fine."

"Well, thank you. You've got a great body, too, especially now that you have a little more ass."

"Haru..." I giggle, my cheeks starting to burn.

"Oh, I'm sorry. See, I knew I'd say something I shouldn't." He sighs. "Let's talk about something else," he suggests. "So, how's school? You never talk about it."

"Ugh. School," I complain. "Because I never think about it. I'm just trying not to be a spaz. I don't really know what I want to do. Midterms are coming up, so I guess I need to study."

"You haven't changed that much," he says with a smirk.

I smile affectionately at him.

We continue to talk the night away, sharing our past and insecurities. When I leave, I do it quietly, unwillingly. I keep that to myself.

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# Chapter Twelve: Flashbacks

It's been a few months. I rushed through my midterms, barely studying. As agreed, every Tuesday and Thursday I pick up Max from school and take him to my mom's office for his speech therapy. Afterward, I make dinner for the three of us. After dinner, when Max is sleeping, Haru and I watch movies, get to know each other, and become closer--something I never thought I could do with a guy.

It's the weekend, and I'm in my bed. A dreamy sigh passes from my lips. I wish I had an excuse to go and hang out with Haru and Max. Without them, I kind of have no life.

I turn over on my belly, smiling to myself. Haru. My eyes glisten, thinking back to when we first met. He doesn't look as innocent anymore. Max is perfect. I'm glad he's doing better with his speech. The older he gets, the more people are going to bully him, anyway. At least he won't have to deal with people making fun of him because of the way he speaks. I imagine Max older, in high school, and before I can think of a scenario of Max being bullied, a memory escapes from the dark place inside my mind and plays through my head.

It's so clear, like I'm reliving it again.

I stand at my locker, getting books for my next class. A gust of anger lingers around me, causing a shiver to pass through my bones.

"Look at this simple bitch," Sid says with so much hate and animosity in her tone. I ignore her words. "Y'all better keep your man away from her. She's a nasty bitch. She doesn't care if his dick was inside of you, she'll still suck it. Weirdo, bitch. Stalking other people's men."

Another person says, "She can suck his dick; that's fine. Her breath smell like dick juice, anyway. Ugly ass, hoe. Stay away from my man. He doesn't want your nasty pussy."

"Psycho-stalker bitch!" a person I don't even know chimes in.

A hand pushes me face first into my locker.

The laughter pierces my being, angering me, but I feel helpless.

Like I do every day.

I shake my head free of the memory, but the insults still linger on my mind. Not just the one from my memory, but all the names I was called through high school. Loser, weirdo, skank, bitch, thirsty hoe, liar, want-to-be man stealer, psycho, and creepy-stalker girl.

My mom didn't know. She had no idea I'd cry myself to sleep most nights. Back then all she cared about was work.

Haru's such a good parent. He's always with Max, even though he works all the time he still makes time for him. I sit up, a calming feeling coming over me. I wish my mom would look at me like I'm worth something, too.

When I think about Haru and Max, none of that stuff even matters anymore. He changed his entire life for him. Without one more thought, I grab my phone and call Haru. The phone rings twice.

"Summer? What's up?" I don't really have anything prepared to talk about; there was no reason to call him, other than I wanted to hear his voice.

Think fast. "Hey, um. I wanted to ask you ... when's Max's birthday?"

"Oh, it was November twentieth."

"What?! It already passed, and you said nothing? That was just a few weeks ago."

"I mean we were just at the house. It's no big deal."

"He turned seven, right?"

"He turned six."

"Oh, yeah kindergarten, right?"

"It was my birthday too."

"What?! You guys have the same birthday?"

"Yeah. Weird, right?"

"Not really."

"I turned twenty-eight."

I think I knew that.

"I'm fucking old now." Haru chuckles.

"What did you guys do for your birthdays?"

"We don't really celebrate. I don't want Max to get the wrong idea."

"The wrong idea?"

"I want him to know his life is special every day. I didn't want him to think his birthday was just another holiday. The only thing that really matters is that he knows he's special and doesn't feel like he's missing anything because I didn't spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on a bullshit party. I don't want him to get in the habit of being selfish. I know that might seem a little extreme. I don't really know how to be a parent and teach him values and shit. I'm just trying."

Birthday. The day you were born. He wants him to know his life is special--unique. I wish I would have had someone who wanted me to know that.

Haru's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I don't know how long he'll let me get away with it just being us for his birthday. I hope he doesn't grow up and become a little dipshit or something."

I laugh to myself, but I don't speak.

"Hello?" he calls.

"Oh, um... I think that's cool. He'll be fine. He's an awesome kid. Getting gifts and things on your birthday and having parties is cool, but I think your idea is unique."

"Thanks. Most of my friends just think I'm a cheap bastard." He laughs. "I'm not. There are so many things more important than money."

"You're just saying that because you have a lot of money. Don't act like you don't walk around in three-piece suits that cost more than some people's rent."

"Everybody likes nice things, but it shouldn't take over your life. I'll be honest, I do like fancy shit. And on occasion, money is no object--I'm getting what the fuck I want and getting Max whatever the fuck he wants too--but there's no fucking way my six-year-old is going to throw a fit because I didn't do some stupid shit to make him look good in front of tiny people who eat boogers and don't wash their hands--fuck that. Max isn't like that; he doesn't have weird entitlement issues. He's a decent kid."

"Yeah..."

"Having a few toys is fine. I just don't want Max to be that kid who thinks his life is over because he didn't get the latest video game or toy or whatever. I don't want him seeking attention and validation from other people or to think having shit makes him better than other people."

"Maybe I wouldn't have been such a bitch if someone would have cared to teach me how not to be a bitch--but a bitch can't teach how not to be a bitch--I'm rambling sorry that was stupid... Anyway, yeah, I get it. Kids can't have everything they want."

"I try to get him whatever he wants, within reason. I never want him to lose that, 'Daddy, can I have...' or 'Daddy, can we get...'" He sighs. "I want him to try hard, to be a good person, to treat people kindly, and not use them or treat them like they don't matter... I don't know what I'm talking about--I just don't want him to be an asshole. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm trying to raise him, so he doesn't grow up and fuck everybody's shit up. I thought doing it in a non-traditional way might get better results."

"I like your idea. It probably will mean more to him when he's older. Those birthdays when it was just you and him, what did you guys do?"

"We made a cake together. We kind of just hung out and had an us day," he explains.

"That sounds awesome. I wish I could have been there."

"Really? I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd want to come. Maybe you'd feel like you had to pick up after or us or... I don't know."

"Even when I'm with Max, it doesn't feel like I'm working or anything like that. Not with you either." I hope I don't sound stupid. I wish I could just tell him that I want to see him. I want to see Max too. I gulp. "And I could have helped with the cake. I bet Max had a lot of fun."

"We both did; we were in a sugar coma before the night was over, but it was worth it."

I giggle. "Cool. I was just calling about the birthday thing. There's always next year."

"I bet Max would love for you to come and make a cake with us."

"I'd like that too." I sniffle for no reason. "Well, I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah, talk to you later."

I end the call. The phone slides out of my hand onto the covers.

His voice makes me feel... warm. I pause. It's that same feeling I felt looking into his eyes. It won't go away. It's deeper now.

I might be falling in love with him.

Maybe, I'm already in love with him.

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# Chapter Thirteen: Wish

My phone rings, demanding for my eyes to open.

"Darby," I say answering the phone. "Hello? Why are you calling me this early?"

"What? This early? It's nine! Get your ass up. We're having breakfast. Why haven't you been answering your phone? Have you been doing it to that daddy dude?"

"Oh, my gosh! No!"

"Liar. Then where've you been?"

I sigh annoyed. "Fine. I'll meet you at the park in an hour."

"No need. I already grabbed food, and I'm coming to you. Bye."

I sigh again and sit up. I do need to talk to someone. I can't talk to Haru about Haru, and I can't talk to my mom, because I'm pretty sure she'd never believe it, and she probably would not approve. Also, she has a crush on him. She hasn't said anything in a while, but still, she won't be cool with me being in love with this guy.

I have about an hour before class to hang out with Darby, so I better get going.

I get up, take a shower, and get dressed. When I come out of my room, Darby is sitting at the kitchen table eating out of a Styrofoam box.

I smirk. "I see you let yourself in."

"Shut it. What's going on? You haven't told me anything for weeks! Are you guys going out?"

"No--not even."

"Well?"

I sit down next to her.

She pushes the other box in front of me. "Eat. Talk. Spill--don't choke."

"I'm sort of Max's nanny on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but once Max goes to sleep, it's just me and Haru."

"Haru? You're calling him Haru? You guys must have gotten close," Darby says, eyeing me.

"Yeah, but just as friends."

"Have you ever tried to be more than friends?"

"Well, no. I don't really know how to do that. I just thought if you really like somebody then you just say it."

"Have you said it?"

"No, but I'm not a guy."

"What does that mean? Why are you being sexist?"

"I'm not! What are you talking about?"

"The only way you're going to know if he likes you is if he tells you? You can't just ask him? You guys see each other a lot. Say something to him about it, instead of pining after him in unrequited love, which you don't even know is unrequited. It might totally be requited."

"But he's the type of guy that always says what he means. He hasn't said it. I just think it's not even a thought of his."

"Don't put yourself down like that. You're suitable for any man. I think you're thinking too hard. It's not that big a deal. I mean you've gone this long without having an actual boyfriend. Are you looking to go out with Haru?"

"I mean..."

"He's got a kid. You're still in college. He's got a good job. You guys live totally different lives. Are you actually ready to step in and be a mommy?"

"Well, I take really good care of Max."

"Yeah, for two days a week. Being his mom means you don't get paid anymore for doing the same shit you've been doing. Now, you're going to do it more and for seven days a week. You don't want that. You're still trying to find your way in life. He's already established. He knows where he's going, and he's en route while you haven't even made it to the station. In fact, you haven't even decided how you're going to travel. You're kind of just--"

"I get it! Shut up! I'm going nowhere in life, and he's driving down the road in his own car headed wherever he'd like to go."

"He is. You can't just jump in with him. You could, but when he stops that means you do too. If you don't have a route of your own, you're always going to be riding in his car. That's no good. You're on his path, riding in his car, going where he wants to go. How do you even know you want to? At least, if you had your own way, you could travel down the same path."

"I don't..."

"Things are fine the way they are. I feel a little pushed away."

"I'm not pushing you away."

"I think you could learn a lot from a friendship with a guy who is obviously experienced."

"He's genuinely cool."

"I wouldn't know. It's not like you've ever introduced me."

"When would I introduce you?"

"Touche." She smirks. "Anyway, while you're still figuring things out, I think the relationship you have now is good. You're making money. You're not at your mom's office being lame. It seems like you're having fun, so what's the big deal?"

"Yeah," I say thoughtfully. "I guess there really isn't a problem. You're right. We do cuddle all the time. Not like we're all huddled up together, but it's comfortable around him. He could be out doing all kinds of stuff, but he's there with me. His kid is there too, but at least he spends his time with me."

"You'll figure things out, eventually. Don't sweat it, and don't put too much pressure on him either. If he's hanging out with you the majority of the time, he probably doesn't have a lot of good friends either. And--"

"And... it's him!"

"Calling you at ten in the morning?"

"Hello?" I answer the phone, ignoring Darby.

"Yeah, Summer?" Haru's voice says.

"Hi, Haru."

"Hey! I know it's a school day, but it's the start of the weekend."

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking about going to get some drinks with some guys from work. Do you think you can watch Max tonight? Unless you have plans."

He's going out with his friends? He wants me to babysit? I'm just the help.

"Oh, um... yeah, I can do that," I say disappointed.

"Yeah? Seriously?"

"Yeah, no problem." My voice is a little shaky.

"That's great. I haven't been out in so long. I'll probably be home by ten. We're just going to the bar after work. I'm not going to be super drunk, so don't worry. I won't come in talking bullshit." He laughs.

I giggle. For some reason that makes me happy, and I forget about my last thought.

"So, yeah. I didn't tell Max. He's going to be excited to see you."

"I saw him yesterday."

"Yeah, but he's adorable and you miss him."

"You're right." I smile.

"Oh, my God! You guys are flirting," Darby whispers.

"Really?" I whisper, holding the phone face down on my shoulder blade. He does flirt with me. Darby and I flail our hands at each other. I regain composure and put the phone back up to my ear calmly. "Want to watch a movie when you get home?"

"Yeah. I'm probably going to pass the fuck out, but that kind of happens all the time, huh?"

"A little, but you're kind of cute when you're super sleepy." I giggle with stars in my eyes.

"Ah, so you watch me sleep?" he says slyly.

I immediately become embarrassed.

"I'm just kidding. You could always try to keep me awake."

I giggle girlishly. "We could have a drink?"

Darby rolls her eyes.

"I don't know if I trust you drinking and then going home. Your mom would probably kill me."

"I'll be fine. I'll just have a little."

"Okay, it's a date then. After me and the guys have a couple, I'll come home and drink you under the table."

I laugh. "So, you're going to come home earlier?"

"Maybe. I don't know. We'll see how the night goes."

"Okay then."

"Talk to you later."

"Bye."

I end the call, sigh girlishly with dreamy eyes, and set my phone on the table. When I look over toward the left, Darby's glare pierces my skin.

"What?"

"Friends ... remember? You guys do get along well, but you guys were flirting the whole time on the phone!"

Am I really more than just the kid who babysits his kid? I exhale. I hope so.

"You're so oblivious."

"I really like him."

"Like more than this, like kissing, going on dates, having sex?"

"I never thought about that part of it." Kissing Haru. Being close to Haru. Do I want that?

"See, every girl needs a hot guy she can aimlessly flirt with and have it reciprocated. It doesn't go any further than flirting. And that's good. Gives you confidence for when you actually do try to tackle the dating game. Even if you strike out, you know you have someone who's going to tell you you're pretty. So it doesn't really matter."

"That's an awesome way to look at it. I'm not thinking about dating at all. I just like to be around him and have fun."

Even if I'm in love with him, there's no way I'm ready to act on it. I just want to keep being with him and have what we have.

"And you can keep all the skanks away from him." Darby laughs.

I laugh too and check my phone. "Yeah--oh, my gosh! I have to go. I'm going to be late," I say, scrambling up from the table.

"You didn't eat your breakfast."

"Put it in the fridge," I say, darting up the stairs to grab my keys and things. I rush back down. "Lock the door behind you!" I shout, as I run out of the house and to my car.

I speed to school and make it in time for my first class of the day. I'm able to focus on my work and do it cheerfully, instead of agonizing over how I feel about Haru or how he might feel about me. It's nice to not be worried and understand our relationship.

***

After my last class, I pick up Max. When he sees me. He runs straight toward me, smiling big.

"Summer!" he says perfectly.

Haru said he was going to be excited to see me--I'm pretty excited too.

"Wow!" I exclaim, as I bend down to hug him. He holds me so tight. "You said my name perfectly."

"Yeah, isn't it awesome?" He steps back from me, grinning.

I take his hand, and we happily walk to the car.

"It's way awesome! You've been working hard."

"I have. I'm better than everyone now. I'm smart and I can talk."

I laugh. "I think it's awesome you've improved so much; maybe you can help someone else who is having trouble like you were."

"Yeah, since I'm Super Max now," he says as I open the back door for him.

"Right on, Super Max."

He hops in the car, buckling his seatbelt.

As I get in the car and prepare to crank up the engine after putting my key in the ignition, I can't help but think about Max. In the last few months, Max has improved drastically in his speech. His fumbles are hardly noticeable, and they are very scarce.

"So how was school today?" I ask, so proud of him.

"It was awesome. I got finished with my work fast. So, I got to choose a surprise from the treasure box--but I lost it in the gym. It's okay, it was just a yo-yo. I have some at home. I don't really play with them though. Can we play a game when we get to the house?" he asks.

"Yeah, yeah, of course."

"Did you go to school today?"

"I did. I didn't get a yo-yo, and it was boring."

"If I find mine one day, you can have it."

"Aw, thanks, Max." I giggle.

"I know the summer is far away, but I can't wait! I'm going to make only good grades. Daddy said if I do, I can have whatever I want."

"Oh, what do you want?"

"I want us to spend the summer together, and maybe he doesn't have to work so much."

"I'm sure you guys will spend lots of time together this summer."

"I mean, you, me and Daddy."

"Oh... we'll spend lots of time together this summer, Max," I say affectionately.

"We can go swimming and to the water park. We can go to the carnival. We can do everything together."

I want to glance back at him, but I'm driving. I want to hug him. He makes me want to be with Haru even more. I always want them to be in my life.

"That's a lot of fun stuff. You think we could fit it all in one summer?"

"That's my wish; that we can all be together in the summer."

"Yeah, let's do it."

I hope we can do all that too.

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# Chapter Fourteen: Friday Night

When we get to the house, we take our shoes off, and Max runs upstairs while I make dinner.

"Summer..." Max says, perfectly. "I'm going to take a bath now. Daddy said to take one when I got home from school today. No excuses."

"Okay, glad you remembered because he didn't tell me anything about that."

"Kay, be right back."

"Well, don't come right back. Do you need me to run the bath for you?"

He laughs. "Probably."

I wipe my hands on my apron and head upstairs. I make a nice warm bath for Max, and then return to the kitchen.

At around 5:30 p.m., Max and I sit down to eat.

"I wish Daddy was here. When is he coming home?" Max asks.

"Later, I think. You want to call him?"

"Yeah."

I put my fork down and wipe my hands on the napkin next to my plate. Picking up my phone, I call Haru.

"Summer, what's up?" he answers. Without saying anything, I hand the phone to Max.

Max uses the tip of his index finger to tap on the speaker.

"Hi, Daddy."

"Hey, Buddy. How was school?"

"It was good. I got a yo-yo, but I lost it. If I find it, I'm going to give it to Summer."

"Oh, I bet she'll like it."

"Yeah."

"Where's Summer?"

Don't rat me out.

"She's right here."

Too late.

"Hey, Haru." I sigh.

"Hey. What are you guys up to?" Haru asks.

"We're eating dinner, Daddy. I already took a bath, like you said. So when you come home, we can all play a game or something."

"I'm coming home late, Max. We talked about this. I'm going to hang out with some friends. We'll hang out tomorrow."

"I can stay up, Daddy. Even if you're coming home late."

He'll never make it.

"Okay if you think you can wait that long." He pauses. "Did you save me some food?"

"Summer can save you some. She made it. We won't eat it all up." Max giggles, chewing dramatically as he spoons some macaroni into his mouth.

"We'll save you some," I peep.

"Can we get ice cream tomorrow?" Max asks.

"Yeah, we can do whatever you want."

"Can Summer come?"

An anxious silence falls over the room.

"Uh, you have to ask Summer what she's got going on tomorrow."

"Summer, you want to get ice cream with me and Daddy tomorrow?"

"We'll see."

"Awesome! Okay, Daddy, I'll see you when you get home. We can watch a movie!"

"All right, buddy."

I don't know what he's talking about; we have plans--I guess if Max somehow makes it until Haru comes home, we'll be doing kid stuff. I pout.

"Bye, I love you, Daddy."

"Love you, too. Bye Summer."

"Bye."

Max hands me the phone and I end the call. We finish eating.

"Summer. Do you think we could play a game now? I forgot when I got home, but it's not too late. I don't have to go to sleep early because it's the weekend. That's why I can wait for Daddy."

Does he realize we don't ever make him go to sleep? I giggle to myself. "Maybe."

Please go to sleep before Haru gets back--that's a horrible thing to think. He hasn't even seen his dad all day.

A few more minutes pass.

"You want to play a game now?" Max asks.

"Yeah, we can after we get done cleaning up dinner." I smile.

Once the kitchen is clean, we play a board game and watch some television. He takes me upstairs to his room and shows me some of his framed artwork. He points to a painting.

"I made this last year," he says, pointing at a picture of a shelled species. "It's a snail."

Yep.

"It was cool because we used glue and paint and shaving cream to make the paint. That's why it's kind of like 3-D. The green long part is his body. I tried to make his shell look like one you get at the beach, but we only had yellow, green, and red." He talks to me about his toys and his favorite superheroes. He shows me his model airplanes, his trains, and collectable cars.

"Sometimes me and Daddy build trains, airplanes, and cars, like this one." He points to the automobile models.

I smile and nod, listening and taking it all in. Before I know it, it's eleven.

Haru said he'd come home early--well, I guess he never really said that. I just suggested it.

When I stop thinking to myself, I look up and see Max studying my face.

"Daddy's not coming home until later, right?" Max asks.

"Honestly, I don't know when he's coming home. I thought he'd be here already."

"It's okay. I think I'm going to go to sleep, but don't be scared."

I giggle. "I won't."

We head up to his bedroom.

"Can you read me a bedtime story?"

Oh, that's probably what takes Haru so long coming back downstairs. "Yeah, I can." I smile.

Max picks a book off his bookshelf and hands it to me.

I start to read.

"No, you have to do the voices like Daddy," he says.

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry if I'm no good at it."

My voice changes as I become a dragon and a swordsman. Satisfied with my versions of the characters, Max nestles himself under the covers. Within just a few minutes of reading, Max grabs his masked plush toy, places it beside him, and closes his eyes. His little boy breaths are sweet and quiet. His mouth is slightly open, and he seems to be sleeping soundly.

I sigh as I close the book.

I'm so glad you're in my life.

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# Chapter Fifteen: I'm not that Guy

As I sit on the sofa in the living room, my head is full of clusters of jumbled thoughts. The door opens, halting my thoughts. Haru.

His head hangs a little as he slides his shoes off. His suit coat hangs over his forearm, and his shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows.

"Hey," he says.

I gulp. He looks amazing. "Are you super drunk?" I ask.

I purse my lips.

"Not really."

"You're late." I lean back with a pouted bottom lip.

He looks up at me, tossing his hair. "What?"

"Nothing, that was stupid." I smile, my cheeks warming a bit. I'm acting like we're in a relationship or something.

"Oh, the movie?" he says, throwing his hair back. "I'm sorry. I kind of lost track of time. That's what happens when you go out with shit talkers." He sits beside me on the sofa.

I can't help but lean in and inhale his aroma. He smells so good. Better than usual, and his eyes sparkle tonight. Why does he look different? Was he with a girl? Is he happy because he was with a girl? That's so immature, but I don't care.

"Did you have sex with someone?" I blurt out, no regretful thoughts lingering.

"What? No!" He chuckles. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Because you smell really good, and you seem different."

"Do you know when the last time I went out was?"

"No."

"It was before Max started living with me. So yeah, I'm a little happy I got to hang out."

"Oh, but with guys, right?" That question sounds weird. I thought I could be friends, but I was wrong. I want to touch him so bad--no, I want him to touch me.

"What? Why?"

I gaze at him. My words are coming out only as thoughts. There's my opening. How do I tell him I have feelings for him? I've never done that before. I've never even kissed a guy for real before. I don't know how to get to...

"Why are you asking all these weird questions?" he asks, staring down at me.

Because... touch me.

I purse my lips and cross my legs at the ankle, staring down at the surface of the coffee table. I glance for a moment at Haru, his mischievous smile tells me he knows something.

"What if I was with someone, would that make you angry?"

I don't answer him; my cheeks grow warmer by the second. My legs uncross as I squirm, and my body fills with nervousness.

He fiddles with his watch, opening the clasp and removing it from his wrist. "So you're not going to talk now?" he asks, reaching past me. His face, inches from my chest as he lays his watch down on the coffee table. He turns to look at me, and there's a caving in my chest.

My eyes veer over to him, admiring his smile, the cut of his jaw, and his hair falling messily on my lap. I snatch my eyes from him, my whole face burning, even my ears. My heart beats inside them and my throat throbs while my body moves in strange ways attempting to contain my desire for him.

As he sits up, his warmth leaves me. I refrain from panting, as my neck tenses and I turn my head away from Haru, staring out the window, feeling every quickened heartbeat through my chest, through my head, through my entire body. It's painful to want someone so much. He's right there, yet so far away. Where are the lines, so I can cross them? Are there any lines, and if so, did I create them? I close my eyes, my stomach tensing as if I'm about to puke.

"Summer, what's wrong?" I hear Haru's voice, though my ears cloud with my heartbeat. I ball my fists up.

Touch me, my one last plea before I give in and let my desires take over.

My thoughts leave me, and my body moves toward him. "Haru?" I fall onto his lap, straddling him.

A smirk comes across his face.

I gaze into his eyes, and without thinking, put my lips on his. They're so soft. The smell of coconut and peach schnaps envelopes me. His smooth tongue glides across my lips as if he has been waiting to lick them. My legs shudder as a shiver flows down my spine.

If he doesn't like it, he'll stop me.

He deepens the kiss. He's more powerful than me. I don't have anymore moves. No matter how much I want to keep kissing him, my nerves get the best of me. I pull back from him and look him in his eyes. It takes a moment for me to realize his hands are all over my body and I want them to be there.

"What?" he says with a coy smile.

"Say something," I reply anxiously.

"Did you think I was going to stop you?"

"Well, yeah. Or at least say something about it. It's not like we kiss all the time."

"Summer, I'm not that guy. Even if I wasn't into you, I'm a little drunk, and I haven't had sex in two years. I'm not going to stop you."

"Wait! You're into me?" I smile, feeling validated.

"That's what you heard? You heard nothing else? You don't feel the massive boner under you, or the fact that I'm kind of wasted and I want to fuck you? You heard none of that?"

"I did. I just don't care. I only kissed you because I didn't know how to tell you. I still don't know how to explain it. I kind of freaked out when I thought you were with a girl, and then I didn't want you to be with one. I was kind of sad when you didn't come home early--so was Max. We were both kind of pouty."

Haru laughs. "I wasn't with girls. I told you I was with some losers from my job. You remember Hayden?"

I nodded. He's still friends with his college friends?

"I had to make sure they got home first. They were way drunker than me. I'm not even close to .08."

"Oh, so you're late because you were making sure you wouldn't be drunk driving?"

"Um...."

"Sorry. You don't have to explain yourself."

"Clearly I do."

"Sorry."

"So, is this your first love confession?"

"Love? I said nothing about that."

"So, yes it is? Your face is all red." He smiles. "You kind of suck at it. Here's how it should go: Summer," he says, ordering me to gaze up and into his eyes, "I'm so glad you're here with us. It's been so long since I've connected with anyone. I've never connected with someone like you. I can't believe you kissed me. I hope you'll keep kissing me. This is how I want you."

"What?" I say breathily, my body devoid of air and oxygen.

"See, now that was a confession," he says in a completely different voice.

He didn't mean it? I--but... oh, screw it! I kiss him again.

This time, it doesn't stop.

This time, I know his hands are on me, and his lips are pressed against mine. Feeling his hair over my face and on my skin has a completely different effect on me than I had thought it would. It surrounds me, envelops me, holds me. Everything is so warm and touches every part of my body. Suddenly, Haru scoops me up in his arms. I gasp and we stop kissing.

Haru carries me somewhere through the house. My arms wrap around his neck, and I kiss him again. When we reach the room, Haru sits me on his gray bed and undresses in front of me.

I watch him, overtaken by his beauty.

Oh no, he hasn't had sex in two years. He's going to kill me. I've never even seen... it's Haru. Is this bad? He hasn't even asked how Max is. I should say something.

I scoot back on his bed. "Um, Max was really wanting you to come home and hang out with us." My cheeks are hotter than they've ever been.

"I'm sure he did. I said I was sorry. Are you still upset with me?" He slides between my legs and lays me down.

"No." The one word has a nervous undertone.

"You seem super nervous."

"I'm not!" I say, quickly hiding my shaking hands. Why did I just lie?

"Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you, princess."

Princess? "I know."

Haru kisses me. He reaches for the remote on the nightstand, dimming the lights. He peels my shirt off and smiles as he reveals my body. I cover my boobs up with my arms and hands.

"Don't look at me." I turn my face away from him in embarrassment.

"Aw." He laughs sexily, grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him. "I've already seen those. When did you start being so shy?"

"These are new boobs. They're bigger. You haven't seen these."

"And you don't want me to?" His hands on my body dry my mouth.

Oh, I say as a sensation runs through my body. Nobody has ever touched me like this. I can't even focus enough to tell him I'm scared.

"Don't be scared," he whispers.

He knows. I gulp.

His hands are around my ankles, gently unfolding my legs.

No, he can see too much.

His hands travel up my legs from my ankles.

What is he doing? I'm tingling all over, and he's just touching my legs.

I close them.

Haru smiles and puts his hand near my flower on my inner thigh, spreading my legs wide­--so wide the outsides of my thighs are lying on the bed. I turn my head away from Haru. He travels up my body, kissing my skin. All the parts of his naked body, including his hard erection, are pressed against me. It's warm, enticing.

"Your penis is on me." I smile at him, not as nervous as before.

He laughs.

"Oh, no! Did I ruin the mood? I'm sorry," I apologize.

"No, I really like this. I still want you just as bad as I did when I walked in the house, but I want you to be happy. Like, it's not just about me. That's a new one for me." He scratches his head.

"Is it usually about you?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Selfish!" I giggle.

But he doesn't laugh. "Yeah," he says thoughtfully.

"Um, Haru... Did I say something wrong? I don't actually think you're selfish."

"Don't worry about it." His haunting eyes leave me. He takes his face from me and shifts himself down to my flower.

I gasp.

"You're so tense. No one's ever done this before, huh?" he says in an unknown tone of voice. "Enjoy it. Let's test your limits."

Test my limits? As soon as I think that, new sensations come upon my body. Moans of pleasure fall out of my mouth. I can't help but stretch out my hands against the surface of the bed. I grasp at the covers, balling them up in my fists as the warmth and wetness of Haru's tongue fluttering between my folds gives my body new sensations, ones I cannot compare to anything in life.

My eyes roll back in my head. I reach for him; the tenseness leaving me.

"I want to touch you." I moan, and he folds his fingers into mine. He pushes his face even deeper into me, the tenseness returning as I squeeze his hands. He inhales all of me, even if I wiggle away from him, he follows me, as if he is hungry to taste me even more. His groans and heavy, quiet breaths keep my nerves from getting the best of me. I stay open to him.

More moans come from me as I squirm around in the bed.

Time stops. I stop.

My eyes focus. My mouth opens. For one millisecond my vision is impaired. My eyes close tightly as Haru vacuums me up, almost as if he's trying to suck me into him. Something is building inside of me. When it's become too much to bear, I pull at Haru's hair. My heart pounds as my back arches, and I scream loudly, thinking of nothing else but the massive feeling of release coming from my body.

Haru holds me down, watching me pant. My voice wavers, speaking gibberish as I cannot form sentences. My body convulses as Haru slides his fingers across the wet surface of my flower.

Haru reaches for the remote and turns the lights on. He leans his head down to look right at my middle. "Look at that... that's contracting hard. Bet that was the best orgasm you've ever had, and there wasn't even penetration."

I watch him as I come down from my high, my cheeks warming. Even though I want to close my legs and disappear, the expression on Haru's face forces me to leave them open.

He glances up at me. "Don't be embarrassed."

I'm naked with my vagina out for a man to see, and he is smiling at it like it's beautiful and precious to him.

"D-do you like it?" I ask innocently.

"I do," he says, looking at me. "I can tell it likes me, too. You respond strangely to me. I really like you. You don't seem uptight or... I don't know. I've never really had a girl like you."

"I've never had anyone like you either." The sensation of running and hiding myself from Haru dissipates. I stare up into the ceiling, flutters of being in love dance around my tummy. "I'm comfortable around you. I don't know why. I just feel safe." I look at him, but he is still looking at my lady parts. "Haru, are you listening?"

"Yeah, I just, I want to keep going," he says.

He's totally not listening.

"By the way, thanks for rolling the 'r'. It makes you even sexier."

As if my cheeks can't burn any hotter, he has to say that and set me on fire.

"Your pretty little pussy isn't jumping anymore."

"What? Haru don't call it that."

"Why? You're being a dirty little slut, aren't you?"

"W-h-a..." I say, immediately getting up and pulling his covers over me. All the comfort leaves.

"Oh, come on. You practically pounced on me downstairs. Now you're acting shy? Bring that pussy back over here. Right now!"

"No! Who are you? Go back to being Haru. What are you saying? You just said you liked it."

"I do. Now give it to me."

"I want to go home," I say.

"Oh, now you want to go home? You've been waiting for me to come home all night to fuck you, and now you want to go home? Fuck! You don't know what you want?! I thought you knew what you wanted."

"Haru..." I say, starting to cry. "I'm sorry. Are you trying to get me back for what I said to you in college?" I lower my teary face into my hands. "I didn't really want to have sex. I've never had sex before. I just didn't want you to be with other girls because I love you."

Now that was a confession.

The tenseness and the brash and vulgar mood disappears. The heart racing fear of being taken by someone I thought I trusted but suddenly didn't, fades. I gaze up at Haru; his posture changes as well as the look in his eyes.

"Oh, my God! You're virgin? You're a fucking virgin. I fucked up," he says with a paranoid look on his face. He uses his hands to pull his hair back. "I'm so sorry. I just thought, you were... kind of... out there."

"What?"

"That bad girl act was all fake, huh? Not just the bitchy attitude. You've never been with a guy. I thought you wanted this. This is what girls want. Love me?" He grimaces, "Shit, don't say that."

"Don't say what? You were just so cool and everything was fine, and then you go and say that stupid stuff about my lady parts... and you called me a slut. I'm not a slut!" A flashback from high school halts me­­­--I hear those girls calling me a slut and man stealer. My eyes water.

"Summer..." He extends his hand.

"Don't touch me." I get up, snatching the covers.

He also rises to his feet and follows me. When I'm about to leave out of his bedroom, he grabs me by the arm near my elbow.

"Summer!" he calls with conviction.

I turn toward him effortlessly. His shoulders slump, and I get a glimpse of his frown lines. I'm not used to the distressed Haru. He won't even look at me. "Don't say you love me."

"I do. You're the first person in the whole world that doesn't make me feel like I don't belong. Every time I'm around you and Max, I feel like I belong here, like I matter to both of you. I would never just end up in some guy's bed." I sob again. "I've never been in any guy's bed."

"Summer, you don't know me," he says, looking up at me.

"I do know you. You're a loving father. You're still the same guy who gave me water and tried to help me not be a total spaz. The one who would rather sit and chat with his nanny, than go out and do other stuff and be reckless. You have a good heart and you--"

"That's not true, Summer. That is what you see, not who I am. I told you, I've never had a real conversation with a woman. You seem so into me; I assumed you wanted to have sex. You came so easily. I gave you a credit card. I thought this would be an easy exchange: we have sex, you keep Max, and then you could have whatever you want."

"What?" I say, appalled. "I'm not a slut. I'm not a whore! You can't buy me. What's all that shit you were talking about before? Money isn't everything and it's--"

"I meant all that shit. But girls? They want to fuck, and they want money."

"No! I don't want that!"

"I don't know how to do anything else. I've never been in love; never had the desire to be. I can't even remember having sex with Max's mom. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to love me! I want you to be Haru, not this guy who calls me a slut and talks all dirty and stuff."

"I don't know how to do that, Summer. I barely know how to love Max. I don't know if I love him because I do or because I have to. I'm trying, okay. It's been two years since I've said anything remotely sexual to a woman. I tried to just stay away. With us... I thought it'd be a safe way to have sex­--no ties, just sex. You love Max, you make some money, I don't have to go out and look for pussy. It's fucking right here when I get home. Good girl pussy. Still sorry about calling you a slut--the good girls are the ones who want to be talked to the dirtiest, but you're a really good girl. I didn't expect this."

I wipe my tears away as Haru lets go of my arm and sits down on the bed.

"You knew I liked you? You were manipulating me," I say, a little annoyed.

"What? No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were!"

"How was I supposed to know you had actual feelings for me? I just told you--you fuck, you get money. Easy transaction. Those are the relationships I've been in, Summer. And then you came with the sob story about your mom and you; I just thought you were looking for an escape and some good dick, a couple expensive handbags and you'd be good. Your relationship with Max, though... I know that's genuine, so I should have known you were. Still, I've never been in a relationship that goes any deeper than what I've explained. I have a lot of money, and I'm pretty good in the sex department."

"That's horrible. So, you don't have any feelings toward me?"

"Summer, I like you. I do. You'd do so much better with a different type of guy. I don't know how to fucking love you. I don't even love myself. I'm working on loving Max and not fucking his life up."

I gulp and walk over to him. The covers straggling around me and on the floor.

"But Haru, I don't know how to love you either. Do you know how hard it was trying to figure out how to tell you? I just couldn't keep it in anymore."

"I don't want you to take off. Max still needs you."

"Do you need me?"

"Summer, what do you want me to say? I don't need anyone. I can do everything for myself. I can do everything for you, except love you. I'm just not that guy."

"I don't want you to do anything else, Haru!"

"Okay, stop yelling. What do you want? Tell me."

"And you're going to do it?"

"I'll try. I do like you. I've never been close to a woman. I talk to you like I talk to my buddies, except you and I flirt like crazy. I never meant to hurt you. I just said all that freaky shit because I thought that's what you wanted, and honestly, it's a big turn on for me."

"It turns you on to call me a slut and stuff?"

"Well, not you specifically... any girl. I'm not saying I couldn't fuck you without it; I'm just saying it makes it more intense."

"But do you really think all girls are sluts?"

"Summer..."

"No, answer the question!"

"Up until this scenario, where there's actually someone who wants me to love them and wants to love me for some reason, yes. I'm going to be real honest with you--I'd probably fuck you and your mom."

"That is so gross!"

"Your mom was all over me."

"Ew!" I already knew that, but still, ew.

"Summer, every woman I have come across in a sexual way, were sluts, and if they weren't, I could make them into one for me. I probably wasn't the only guy they were sleeping with, but I didn't care. It is what it is. Back in college, I did nothing just work and go to school. I got tired of that shit."

I sit down beside him on the bed. "What does that even mean?" I ask, as he gets up and slips on some pants.

He sits back down. "When I was growing up, the most important thing was to have good grades, so that's what I focused on. When other kids were out playing and doing kid stuff, I was studying and trying really hard to be number one in my class. That's how I was from grade school to college."

"Really? I suck at school, honestly. The work isn't hard, I just don't want to. The only reason I kept up my grades is so I didn't have to deal with my mother--same is true now."

He smiles. "I couldn't not try. Being successful was so important to my parents. I didn't have a choice."

Wow, his parents are just like my mom, sort of. I rebelled, he didn't--well, later on he did.

He continues, "I got scholarships, I worked, and paid my own way. While other guys were out joining fraternities and getting wasted, I was pulling eighteen-credit hour semesters, double majoring, working, and tutoring. I graduated with my first degree in like two years. When you met me, I was twenty-one and on my masters. I saved up and did everything I was supposed to."

"Were you sad or lonely?"

"Looking back now, I guess so. But back then it didn't seem like it." He pauses, "After our little encounter--okay so, I guess I was a little turned on by you, but I also hated you. I sort wished I could be as free as you. I got so stressed out with having no life. That was my last semester, I couldn't walk until May but I was out of school at the end of the year. On my twenty-second birthday, I decided I was done. When I graduated in December, I was going to live however I wanted to; and I did."

"I changed your life?"

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugs.

"That next semester while I was waiting to walk in May, my buddy got me a job, a really good job." He stops, his lips parting dramatically, a look of fear comes across his face as he stares blankly ahead.

"Haru?" I call.

He shakes off his intense, thoughtful gaze. "Like I said, I was homeless for a while. I had a fucking butt load of money in the bank, and before I quit my job, a butt load coming in. I didn't have to be homeless, I could have bought a house easily, but I spent my life having so much responsibility that I wanted none. I just wanted to have fun, you know?"

"Wow."

"So, I went out and got tattoo after tattoo, and whenever I could, I went out with guys from my old job. Hayden came a long, and then the women started to approach me. Girls from school kept telling me how much they liked me. It just became this thing: you want something from me, and I want something from you. Let's trade."

"And you thought I was like that?"

"Yeah, definitely. We've only known each other for a few months. You were all sweet and innocent at first, but I don't know, we flirt all the time. I always say inappropriate shit, and you just shrug it off. I thought you were just waiting for your window... and here you are in my bed."

"Yeah, I guess I kind of do seem like a slut."

"I would've never thought you were a virgin. You're so hot and you took control. You just kissed me--that's balls."

"That was because I didn't know what else to do. Saying how I feel seemed dumb, especially when I didn't know how you felt."

He sighs. "Well, I don't want you to leave or be awkward. Tell me what you want me to do."

"I just want you to love me."

"Summer..."

"Try, Haru. We're still getting to know each other."

"Summer, you don't want to be in a relationship with me. I have kid, and I work all the time. You know this."

"So, I love Max. I don't want to only come over on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I want to see you guys whenever I want to. Don't you ever want to see me, Haru?"

"Yeah, I guess. Today I did. They ask me all the time to go out on Fridays. I thought it was a good excuse."

I smile, scooting closer to him. "So, yes?"

"I don't know what I'm doing, Summer. I'm still trying to figure out my life."

"Haru," I say, lying down on the bed.

He lies down next to me. "Max has never seen me with a woman. I don't know what he's going to think."

"I don't either."

"What do you want from this?"

"I don't want your money. I can take care of myself. So, I'll give you back your credit card, and you just pay me for keeping Max."

"I..."

"Wait, no! I don't want you to pay me for being with someone I love. I love Max. He's such a good kid. I'm going to find a different job."

"Can I just pay you less? It's only two days a week. Any other time you're here, it's fine."

"Well, you can do that until I find another job. I don't want you thinking you have to take care of me, or that I can be bought, or that you can rule me with your money."

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down. Not a gold-digging slut--got ya."

"Good. We understand each other." I smile. "Is it too late to be romantic again?"

He smiles. "Are you going to freak out if I call your vagina a pussy again?"

"Mm? Let's compromise. You can call it a pussy if you make sure not to call me a slut."

"I think I can deal with those terms." Haru brings me closer to him and kisses me. "This is what I mean, Summer. Everything about you is so different. You could have made a huge scene. You could have completely hurt Max. He'd be destroyed if you weren't around anymore because he loves you. You could've blackmailed me--I've been blackmailed before." He laughs. "You could have even ignored stuff, but you always just go for it. Whatever the consequence, you let your feelings out, and I always know they are genuine."

I grin. "I know you say we've only known each other for a few months, and that's true, but it feels like so much longer."

"It does. It's kind of hard to imagine what life was like for me and Max before you came along."

"Me too." I beam and then kiss him. His warm lips feel nice upon mine. We kiss a while longer. "I'm staying here tonight; I don't want to go home."

"That's fine."

Haru sits up to turn the lights off. I glance back at him. His eyes linger over my body. He squints up at me with a thoughtful smile. He wraps up in the covers with me and turns out the lights. "Hey, Summer. My dick sometimes has a mind of its own. If we're not going to have sex, can you please put some clothes on so I don't accidently fuck you in my sleep."

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# Chapter Sixteen: Finals

A few weeks pass. Haru's more playful now than he used to be. That's probably not true. He's probably the same amount of playful, he's just dirtier about it. We haven't had sex, and he hasn't hassled me about it. It's finals week, something that through all the love confessing and time spending, I had completely forgotten about.

It's Monday after school and Darby is at my house. We are studying for our finals. I sit at the head of my bed and Darby on the other side.

"I don't understand this at all," I complain. "This is ridiculous. I'll never use calculus in my life. I wish I would have just continued it in the Junior Entrepreneur Program. Then I wouldn't have had to take it now. Why am I taking it? I don't even know if math stuff is going to be a part of my career."

"There is something mathematical in every career. Quit complaining and study."

"What are you studying?"

"Gods and stuff. Mythology."

"What's your major again?"

"History, idiot. Why else would I care about old ass people and shit that probably didn't happen?"

"Oh!" I laugh.

Darby and I continue to study. She smiles while she reads and takes notes.

I continue to complain in my head and veer off into different trains of thought. I'm going to Haru's house tomorrow. I'll ask him to help me study, or I can use it as an excuse to go over there tonight.

"Summer!" my mother calls from somewhere in the house.

"My mom's home," I say, getting up and opening my bedroom door. "We're up here in my room," I yell back to her.

"Come here!" she says.

"I'll be back." I leave the room and stomp into the kitchen. "What?"

"So, your major?"

"Oh, um..."

"Summer, it's the end of the semester. You're just throwing my money away."

"I'm not failing."

"True enough, but you don't have a solid major. The classes you're taking may not even be remotely connected to whatever major you eventually choose--because you sure are taking your time with my money."

"Mom, I'm going to choose one."

"You'd better, because if you don't, I'm going to choose it for you."

"Whatever..." I say, cocking my hip to the left and folding my arms.

"Don't whatever me. I'm so tired of you acting like you deserve everything. You've worked for nothing, yet you enjoy the luxuries of my efforts. I was never like you. I'd never let someone just shell out money on my lazy ass, when I'm able bodied. You have no responsibility."

"I'm just trying to figure out what I want to do."

"Yeah, while you waste my money pretending to go to college."

"I go to school. What are you talking about?"

"Summer!" My mother turns to me with an attitude. "I don't know where you get this entitled shit, like you are just supposed to have a car and a phone, and be doing whatever you want to do on someone else's time clock. You better get it together."

"Mom, fine. Take the car and my phone. I don't know what I did to you for you to just..." Tears well in my eyes.

"Summer, I'm not saying this to make you cry. I'm saying this to make you think about your future. I'm not threatening you. I'm calling you to action. Even if you are working toward something, you need to do it faster. Life is just slipping away, and my money isn't trash. I work hard so you can have a good life, but you need to be working just as hard."

"I am! I'm trying; it's hard. I don't--I don't know what I want."

"Then you'd better figure it out," my mother says, "and stop crying. Sit down. You want something to drink?"

I sniffle. I want to go to Haru's. "Yeah."

My mother pours two glasses of sparkling juice: one for me and one for her. She sets mine down on the table and sits across from me, sipping on hers.

"So, Darby's over here?" she asks.

"Yeah, we're studying for finals."

"You're still keeping Max?"

"Sometimes."

"You saving your money up?"

"Yes."

"Good." She takes another sip. "Still planning on moving to the dorms next semester?"

"I don't know. Probably not."

"I knew it." She pounds her fists on the table.

"No, not like that. I don't want to move anymore."

My mom sighs. "Why?"

"Mom, I'm not ready."

"When are you going to be ready for anything? To be an adult? To pay your own bills? You'll be twenty-three in March. You don't want to wake up thirty-years-old one day and feel like you've wasted your life." She pauses, staring at me. "Figure out what you're going to do after this next semester, and stick to it, you hear me?"

"Yeah."

She sips some more. "Oh, you know Mr. Arima came by to make a payment the today."

"Oh, did he?" I ask tensely.

"He did. That man sure is fine. The more I see him, the less and less of a complete idiot he is."

I gulp.

"All that hair and those eyes. He is a beautiful man."

"I'm going back upstairs and study," I say awkwardly, having trouble looking at her.

"Oh, all right," she says. I think I detect a bit of mockery in her facial expression, but I can't be sure.

"I made dinner. It's in the oven."

"Okay--and think about what I said. You got about five more months to make your own decision, then I'm making it for you."

"Okay." I head up the stairs to my room. I hate when she's right about stuff! I don't want Haru to think I'm a loser like my mom does.

I open the door to find Darby playing on her phone. "You're not studying."

"I'm bored. Want to go get a snack?"

"Nah, I think I'll study some more, and then go to sleep."

"Okay then." She locks her phone and places it in her back pocket. She hops up and walks toward the door. "So..."

"All right then, I'll see you later. I have to pee. Bye." I push her out of the door. Then, I hurry down the hall to the bathroom and slam the door. I rest my back against it and chant, Please leave. Please leave. Don't come down here and ask me anything about Haru, in my head.

After about five minutes, I flush the toilet, wash my hands slowly, dry them, and open the door just as slowly. Peeking around the corner to see if Darby is gone, I call out loud enough to be heard throughout the house "Darby?"

"She's gone!" my mother answers.

Yes!" I step out of the bathroom and skip back to my room. I grab my phone and call Haru.

"Hello, princess," Haru answers.

I smile immediately. "Hey, um ... so finals are coming up. I'm having trouble focusing. You think you can help me?"

"You mean tutor you? Are you going to flash me again?"

"Haru!"

"Please?"

"Shut up."

He laughs sexily. "Yeah, yeah, sure. What is it?"

"Calculus. I'm good with my Ethics class."

"You know you wouldn't have had to take Calculus..."

"I know!" I whine, "Are you going to help me or not?"

"Okay, you want to do it tomorrow?"

"Can we tonight?"

"Uh, yeah! Max is already sleeping. I mean, it's kind of late, but yeah. You coming over?"

"Yeah."

"All right, see you in a little bit, princess."

"Okay." I smile girlishly as the call ends. I gather my textbooks, and writing utensils, and stuff them in my messenger bag. Flashing down the stairs, I shout, "Bye, Mom! I'll be back." I close the door, not knowing if she heard me or if she responded, and drive over to Haru's house.

When I arrive at his house, I forget to bring in my messenger bag, leave my shoes at the door, and head to his room. When I open the door, he's standing in front of the closet, looking inside.

"Hi," I say, sighing in relief. Seeing him calms my heart.

"Hey." He turns around and walks toward me. "Where's your stuff to study?"

"Oh, in the car." I smile.

He smirks slyly as he sits down on the edge of the bed. "So, were you asking for help to study or to calm you down a little?"

"What?" I smile innocently, completely turned on.

He pulls me closer to him. I climb on top of him and wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him. He returns the delicious gesture.

"All right, princess. What do you want?"

My shoulders drop. "I'll go get my bag, but can I tell you a secret?"

"What's that?"

"I don't want to study anymore. Can we just be together?"

"What about finals?"

"I can't stop thinking about you. I probably won't remember, anyway."

Haru pulls his shirt off over his head and lies back; his fit, muscular frame, perfect in my eyesight.

"You went to see my mom today?"

"Yeah, she called me. I needed to make a payment," Haru says tensely.

He must not want to talk about this right now.

"Oh, she's getting on my nerves. She doesn't understand me at all."

"I bet she'd never understand why you're sitting on top of a twenty-eight-year-old dude's erect penis."

He definitely wants to talk about sex. "Uh, let's hope she never has to find out."

"Yeah, no kidding." His eyes veer off with what seem to be secrets.

I ignore them. "Do you know what she told me? She was all like, if you don't find a major by next semester, then I'm going to choose it for you. O.M.G! She's so stupid sometimes. All she cares about is money. I wish I could find something I want to do, but there's nothing."

"Nothing? Really?"

"Well, not nothing. I just don't want to be rushed."

"You know it's the order of things, princess. You're how old? Twenty? Twenty-one?"

"Twenty-two."

"I think you're doing what you're supposed to do. You don't know what you want to do, so try to figure it out. But she's right. You have to do something in the meantime."

"I am doing something. You think I'm doing nothing with my life, too?"

"No, I don't! I think you should do what you want to do."

"I just told you I don't know what I want!"

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Haru..." I say, less annoyed with him. "Yes, I want to be with you and Max, but that's not my job. That's my life. I need something else. I want something else. You have me and Max, but you also have a job, and you're really good at it. What do you think I'm really good at?"

"Oh, what do I think?" he asks.

I lie down on top of him and look deep into his eyes.

"I think you could be really good at being a teacher or something to do with kids."

I think the same thing. That's what I really want to do, but Mom would never accept that. She doesn't think I'd make enough money. Maybe she's right.

"Yeah, maybe." I pause. "But all my mom--"

"Princess, I don't want to talk about your mom. You're lying on top of me, with your hot ass pussy all on my leg. The absolute last thing I'm thinking about is what the fuck you and your mom are fighting about. You came over here to study? You left your shit in the car? Why'd'you really come over here?"

I gulp. "Because I wanted to see you."

"You wanted to see me?" he asks, turning the tables. Suddenly, he's the one on top. "You're going to do just fine on your finals, trust me. I'm going to take all that tension right out of your body."

I like this Haru. He scares me but also makes me long for more.

I don't object to his words; I let him take my clothes off and kiss me as deeply as he ever has. I let him open my legs, and part of me desires his quirky, intimate side. His lips leave mine as his face travels down to my girly parts.

"Hey, little pussy. Did you miss Daddy?"

Oh, God. Haru, don't say that, I think, covering my face with my hands.

"You came over to see me. I wanted to see you, too," he explains, letting his fingers run over the outside of my flower. He lies down, his face deep within my crevasses. Upon impact, the motion of his tongue upon my pearl sends feelings rushing through my body. I have no choice but to open up to him more. He stops and looks at me, and I stare at him. His smirk is mischievous, falsely innocent, and knowing. He dives in slowly, making every lick and every stroke more powerful than the previous. I moan for more. It is all I want. There is no better feeling than this.

The words my mother said, the stress of finals, and the indecision, all go away, leaving me only with one thought: I really want Haru.

Somehow, I am healed. I want him more than anything in the world, unselfishly catering to me, understanding my need to be wanted and desired, and then giving me just that. I lie there, moaning quietly as his hands touch me all over. His tongue goes inside of me and around, causing my body to soar to the sky and fly around unable to land. His tongue swirls on top and through my most sensitive spots until I climax completely. My flower contracts so hard it is like a heartbeat.

"Aw, look at it," Haru says, petting it. "You okay, princess? Did Daddy make you feel better? And you little pussy, little swollen pussy, did you get enough? I know it felt good. You're spilling out everywhere."

"Don't talk to it, Haru!"

"Why? I don't want to be rude. I can't just lick it and touch it and not speak to it. What kind of guy do you think I am? It's been so good for me. Coming when I tell it to, giving me delicious--"

"Shut up, Haru. You're so gross."

Haru laughs sexily as he sits up. I pull the covers over me. He lies down next to me and starts playing with his junk.

"Do you talk to every girl's feminine parts?" I ask.

"Well, yeah probably, if they are within eyeshot. I like to see my handy work. But the way you handle it is so innocent. Most girls are just as vulgar and naughty when I do that. It's kind of more of a turn on with you."

"Is that why you're playing with yourself under the covers?"

He laughs devilishly. "Sometimes I can't tell if you like it by your response. Your moaning sounds like whimpering, and last time, you were like 'oh my God, please don't call me a slut,' so watching your pussy contract so hard and tasting your cum is the best. I know I did my job, and I did it better than most."

"Better than most--I think we've been over this before. I'm a virgin."

"I know. It's an ego thing, and it has nothing to do with how may partners you've had--well, haven't had. I know I'm better than any guy you'd ever have."

"I don't know how to feel about that. I think it was a compliment. You like my lady parts the best?"

"In all actuality, I do. I'm the only one who has ever been inside there. Just my tongue--but still--that's mine."

"It's yours," I agree.

"Yeah?" He flips the cover back, revealing his erection. "I know you don't want to have sex, but I'm still going to whack off while you're here."

"Gross."

"Whatever," he says, giving himself a hand job.

"I'll help." I extend my hand toward his rod and take it in my hand.

"Yeah?"

I smile. Oh, my gosh! I'm touching Haru!

"Okay then. If we do it right, you won't get bored with it. So, how's your pussy?"

"It's fine, not as jumpy." I laugh. "Haru!" I call as he slides his fingers down my flower.

"Let's fix that. Still wet? I'll take some," he says, adjusting himself on the bed and putting the glistening stuff from my lady parts on his shaft. "All right, princess. Get on top, put your ass right in my face."

"What?"

"Do it!"

"Oh." I gulp.

He guides me on top of him and places my ass right in his face. "Put your hands around my dick, and rub it up and down," he instructs me.

Here I am staring down at his erection. The more I stare, the more I'm coerced into adhering to his requests. Before I can actually do anything, his tongue swirls around my pearl. The newness of the angle I am in takes over me. The desire and raw knowledge of just how to do it sets in. Now, there is no thinking, only doing and commenting on the pleasure.

The slipperiness of his manhood in my hand, coupled with the wetness that once lay within my womanly hole, helps me stroke faster and faster. The deeper his tongue dips into me, the harder he grows. His moans are muffled by my flower as he manipulates my petals with his tongue, causing me to erupt once again. My body quivering as I wiggle on top of Haru. The louder I scream, the faster my hand moves up and down his rod.

Suddenly, cream shoots out of it, sending me to the top of the bed as I jump away from it. As soon as my hands are off of it, Haru takes it in his hand, and gets on his knees. His eyes roll back in his head as it shoots out onto the hardwood floor. I barely notice the oozing clear liquid flowing down my leg, my flower still jumping, pouring out its nectar. Groaning, Haru falls back on his knees.

"Having help with that really is amazing." His heavy breaths keep his words winded.

My breath, also heavy, comes out in short, haltered breaths. "I've never actually seen that up close before."

"I couldn't let you have all the orgasms. How does it feel to have more than one in the same night?"

"I-I feel like..."

"That's why you came over, right? Not to study?" He smirks. "You wanted me to give you that feeling again," he deduces.

I cover up with the sheets. "Haru, why do you always have to say things like you won, or like it's gross?"

"It's not gross. You think it's gross because I know what your body wants? It doesn't make you any less you, or make it any less true, if I don't say it, princess. Why isn't it okay to want these things with each other?" He reaches under the sheet. Two fingers travel up the inside of my thighs; the slippery liquid, making their journey quick. Haru drags those two fingers from the back of my flower to the tip, making me jump.

"I don't know." I hide my face under the covers as he scoots closer to me. I peek at him as he moves his hand from underneath. He slowly licks his hand and all the clear contents of his fingers. "Yummy." He glances at me. "Come here," he says and pulls me closer to him. "Fine, if you don't want to be honest about it, then we don't have to. Doesn't mean you're not delicious. And it doesn't mean what I've already said isn't true."

"I'm staying over." I pout.

"I'm going to keeping licking you if you do."

My cheeks burn as I close my eyes. I have to admit how much I want him to. I squirm behind him and move his hand under the covers.

"Stop being so uptight," he whispers in my ear. "It's me and you; this is a safe zone. Whatever you want to do, you can. Whatever you want me to do to you, tell me, and I will."

I gaze into his eyes, turning to face him.

"I'll give you as many orgasms as you can handle. You ready?"

"Yes."

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# Chapter Seventeen: Max's Girlfriend

The new year has passed, and I'm back at school for another semester with the same time schedule as before. Max is a grade higher and is fluent in every sound, with only a couple of slip-ups every now and then. He still has a few more months of therapy, so it will be a little longer than six months.

I sleep over at Haru's all the time. He kisses me on my forehead and calls me princess a lot, but ever since finals, which I did okay on, we haven't been intimate.

Haru pays me regularly with a check, and I no longer take his credit card. We've never been on a date, but we still hang out at the house all the time.

Haru is unconventional in many ways. For Valentine's Day, we pretty much did what he and Max did for their birthday: spent time together. It's mid-March and my birthday is a few weeks away. I'm sure we'll do the same thing. Sometimes I get a little sad because even if I am in his arms, he doesn't advance sexually. Sometimes I try to be sexy, but he never notices.

Earlier, Darby asked me to hang out, so I'm heading to her house. I pull up to her house in the middle of the day on a Saturday. I sigh as I turn off the car. I already know why she wants to hang out. I bet she wants details--too bad I don't have any. I mope as I get out of the car. He didn't even call me today; I think as I head into Darby's apartment.

"I'm here!" I say, knocking on her apartment door.

The door opens. She stares at me, and I glare back.

"What?" I say.

"Where've you been? What happened with the dad? Did he turn you down? Did you even do anyth--"

"Can I at least come in before you bite my head off?"

She grasps the door and looks at me angrily. "I guess," she says as she pushes the door open. She walks over to the sofa and flops down on it.

I walk in, close the door, and sit down next to her. I turn to her and answer her previous questions. "Okay, yes. I did say something."

"So, he didn't turn you down? So that's the reason you haven't really talked to me for months."

"I do talk to you."

"Vaguely replying to someone's texts does not constitute as 'talking' to them."

"Whatever! He didn't turn me down. We're actually dating!" I say defensively.

"What? And you didn't tell me?!"

"There's nothing to tell!" I admit, turning around and lying against the back of the sofa.

"What? Aren't you like super in love with him? What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't even feel like we're actually dating. I feel like we're dating, but I'm the one who wants him, and he's like whatever. Either way, he's fine--girlfriend or not."

"Wh--"

"We don't even kiss anymore. I try to be sexy or whatever, but..."

"That doesn't sound right."

"We were going to have sex a few months ago, but he found out I was virgin. Then, we had this really hot messing around session before finals. After that, it's platonic almost. I sleep over all the time. He doesn't try anything--nothing. He just holds me. We talk, watch movies, play with Max, and that's all. We have no intimacy whatsoever."

"That is horrible. You should invite him out."

"We can't go anywhere. I'm his babysitter."

"Ask your mom to do it."

"What? Never!"

"Wait!"

"No, my mom doesn't know."

"Your mom doesn't know you have a boyfriend?"

"No, because she'd say something stupid about it. Plus, she likes him."

"You have to tell her. You can't let her find out from someone else."

"It's fine. She doesn't even ask. She thinks I'm hanging out with friends. She's happy I have my own money and a life, but she still thinks I'm a loser because I technically don't have a future. At least I know what I want to do now."

"That's really sad."

"I need to do something."

"Maybe he thinks you're not ready. What happened when you guys were going to have sex?"

"Well, I maybe, started crying and--"

"He definitely thinks you don't want to."

"Ugh! But I don't want him to pounce on me and think I'm dirty."

"That's the sweet part of it. You can be dirty with him. If he's the only guy you're being intimate with, then it will be special."

"He is dirty. I just feel weird."

"It's because you've never been in a situation like that before. It'll be fine. Just let him know what you like."

"I don't know what I like."

"Well, let him do stuff and tell him when you like it and when you don't--simple."

Yeah, simple. "Yeah, I can do that." Now to find a moment when it's not awkward.

We continue our conversation and laugh. I pout about not being able to go further with Haru. When we finish our conversation and Darby is satisfied with what she knows, I go home. I go straight to my room and don't come out until the next morning. I stay scarce the whole day.

On Sunday night, I go over to Haru's. I sit in the car and give myself a pep talk.

Okay, tonight you're going to kiss him, like regular couples do. Just walk in the house and greet him with a kiss. He's your boyfriend, and you have the right to do that.

I walk up to the door and open it. Max is in the kitchen coloring, while Haru is walking around the house shirtless.

"Hi." I smile, walking over to him in front of the sofa.

Do it, I encourage myself. I march right up to him, throw my arms around him, and pucker up. Suddenly, I am being pushed to the side and turned around. What?

"Hey, what are you doing? Not in front of Max," he whispers.

"Why not?"

"He doesn't know."

'How can he not know?" I ask.

"He doesn't, okay? And that's a good thing. I don't know how he'd react," he says, walking away from me.

Is he making that up? Does he really just not want to kiss me? My heart falls a little. A few tears roll down my cheeks as I watch him walk into the kitchen. I continue to stand there, watching them color as I wipe my tears away.

Haru looks up at me after all my tears are gone. "You don't have to cook tonight. I ordered from that Mexican place. It'll be here in a little while."

"Oh, okay."

Max looks up at me. "Summer!" he exclaims, hopping down from the stool and running to hug me.

Haru watches us, and I look into his eyes.

"Hey, buddy, did you have a good day today? What did you and Daddy do?"

"We went to the mall. He got a necklace."

"Max!" Haru cautions.

"A necklace?" I question, looking at Haru, who seems nervous and doesn't look at me.

"What else did you do at the mall?" I lean down in front of Max.

"I got some new shoes. SEE!" he says, stomping his shoes on the hardwood floor. "They have lasers!" He makes the red lights shine every time his feet touch the floor.

"Wow, those are pretty snazzy."

"Snazzy?" He laughs. "That's a silly word."

"It is."

"Hey, Max? Go get washed up for dinner," Haru says, still keeping his eyes from me.

"Okay, Daddy," Max replies and turns to me. "I'm going to be super-fast. After dinner, do you want to play a game with me and Daddy? He already said we can play."

"Yeah, that'd be fun." I smile.

"Awesome!" he says, running to the stairs, and then up them.

Haru and I watch Max until he disappears.

"Summer?" Haru calls, as I avoid looking at him.

"Can you kiss me now? I shouldn't have to ask that, Haru."

"Can you just wait a minute? Why are you--"

"Because you haven't even touched me since that night. Do you not like me anymore?" I ask with my eyes shifting and my head down.

"Summer, can we please not do this right now?"

"Then when can we--"

"Why is it important that we talk about it right now?"

"Because I'm not happy. I haven't cried a lot, but I feel like I want to all the time."

"Please don't cry."

"Wh-who is the necklace for, your mom?"

"You."

Finally, looking up at him, I ball my fists. I had enough. "Why would you get me a necklace? For what?! You don't even want to touch me! I don't want anything you buy with your stupid money!" I yell at him with my eyes closed.

"I got the promotion," he announces.

I loosen my fists and open my eyes slowly. "W-what?"

"I got it. I just got you the necklace to say thank you and to let you know I like being with you. It's just your birthstone. I'm not trying to buy you."

"Good, because you can't. I already found out my major, and I know what I'm going to school for, so you don't have to take care of me. I can make my own money and take care of myself."

"Summer, I know you can take care of yourself. You've been taking care of Max and me for the last however many months."

He's being genuine. Look at his eyes. He's serious and I'm just yelling at him--I don't care. He has to know that I can do it on my own. But... but... I love him so much.

"Haru..." I say, running up to him and throwing my arms around his neck. I lean in for a kiss, and he reciprocates. Maybe I should have the nerve to try more often instead of letting it accumulate within me to the point that I'm yelling at him. It doesn't matter anymore though, we are kissing and I can feel him. He holds me tightly and I him. It's so good for me, for my body, for everything. I want it to last forever.

"Daddy!" Max screeches. There is anger and hurt in his tone.

Haru pushes me away. Both our eyes open wide; one second on each other, the next on Max.

"Max?" Haru urges.

"No!" Max yells and runs upstairs.

Why is Max so upset? I thought he liked us being together. We're becoming a family, right?

"Max!" Haru says, running after him.

I stay behind. I hear yelling from Max, and Haru trying to calm him down.

Oh, no. I'm going to lose them both. Why does it matter to Max? Why wouldn't he want me and his father to be together? That would mean we could all be together. I don't understand.

Starting to cry, I fall to the floor. I just wanted to feel like we were together. Did I mess this up? I sniffle. Should I leave? Should I go up there? Am I in the way? Every time I fall in love it seems like I hurt someone, and then they just continue to hurt me.

"Summer!" Haru's voice lurks down the stairs. I can't tell the tone, but it still scares me.

No, I don't want to go up there.

"Summer, come here!" Haru calls.

I gulp, wiping my tears. The stairs seem so far away. I rise to my feet and head toward them, each step making my legs heavier and heavier the higher I climb. Finally, I stand in the doorway of Max's room.

"Y-yes?" I ask hesitantly.

Haru sits on the edge of Max's bed, and Max at the head.

"Max, tell Summer what you just told me," Haru encourages with an odd look on his face.

"No!" Max barks, covering his eyes. "Go away, Summer!"

"Max!" Haru chastises with a grunt.

"I'll just leave," I peep, preparing to tip out of the room.

"No, you won't," Haru says, halting my steps. "Tell her, Max."

"I don't want to," Max cries. He uncovers his eyes and looks straight at me. "Why did you kiss Daddy?"

"Um..." I look to Haru to help out and say something, but he does nothing but look at Max. "Because... I really love you guys. And I really love Daddy."

Max sits up straighter. Haru still makes no moves.

"You're my girlfriend," Max announces proudly.

A small smirk comes across my face. "What?"

Haru laughs. The odd face he wore before makes a little more sense now. "That's why I didn't want you to kiss me earlier," Haru reveals.

"Oh, Max." I walk over to the other side of the bed. "Can I sit with you guys?"

Max's arms fold, and his face frumps up. "If you want to. Just don't kiss Daddy in my room or you have to get out."

I smile. "Deal."

"Max," Haru says. "What if Daddy loves Summer too and wants her to be his girlfriend?"

"But Daddy, Summer is my girlfriend. She comes to see me. And we play games and we watch TV."

"That just means you're friends."

"Well, what's so different about friends and girlfriends?"

"Yes, Haru, what is so different?" I ask playfully.

"I'll show you later?" he says through his teeth.

I giggle. "Oh, and Max, we are best friends, but I really want to be Daddy's girlfriend. Then we can always be together, and you'll be super special because you'll have two best friends: me and Daddy."

"We can always be together? Like you won't leave anymore?"

"Oh... um... I mean..." I stumble on my words. He's got too many direct questions.

"Yeah, that's what she means," Haru says, looking up at me. "She's going to stay here with us. Of course, only if you go ahead and let her be my girlfriend."

I smile, confused. What is he doing? I can't stay here with them. My mom would flip out.

"Mm... I guess so. If you're my girlfriend does that mean you will want to kiss me like you kissed Daddy?"

"Uh..."

"That's gross," Max says. "That's okay, you can be my best friend, and you can be Daddy's girlfriend." He turns to his father and asks, "Girls are weird. Why would you want to do that?"

I laugh.

Haru smirks. "I know. She's so weird."

I roll my eyes at him.

Max giggles.

"I'm still going to kiss you like this," I say, kissing him on the forehead.

"That's fine, just not like the other way."

"No problem." I smile.

"Then I guess--" Haru starts to speak, but a knock comes at the door.

"I bet that's the food. I'll go get it," Haru volunteers, heading out of the room.

Max sits on his bed, and I stare at him a little.

"Max, I love you and your dad a lot. I always want you in my life. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't know you wanted to be Daddy's girlfriend. I thought you only liked me."

I giggle. "Why wouldn't I like your Daddy?"

"Because he's got a lot of hair and it sometimes hits people. And he's not around a lot."

"But don't you still love him, even with all that stuff?"

"Yeah. But he's my dad."

"I love him, anyway."

"Are you really going to stay here and not go away anymore? You're going to have breakfast with us and be with us when it's not a school day? Like a family?"

Does Max really want that? I think, studying him. Does Haru want that? Do I want that? "I don't know right now, but I can definitely come over more. It's not a school day today, and I'm here."

"Okay. That sounds all right."

"Awesome."

"If you're Daddy's girlfriend, does that make you my mommy?" he gazes up at me as he pauses. "You kind of act like a mommy. When I had a mommy, I didn't have a daddy, and now that I have a Daddy, I don't have a mommy... unless you're here."

My heart sinks into my chest. Aww, Max...

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# Chapter Eighteen: The Haru We Don't Know

The delivery guy at the door ends our little family moment. The mood calms down as we make our way to the kitchen and eat dinner. Haru and Max leave the table when we finish. I smile as I close the containers of food and put them in the refrigerator. I'm distracted by the sound of a giggling Max and look up to find Haru heading up the stairs with Max on his shoulder as he tickles him. I wipe down the table, put away any excess stuff, and push all the chairs in. As I am closing the fridge, Haru comes downstairs. He stops in front of them. "I just put Max to bed--no bath tonight. Hey?"

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking maybe I'll start picking Max up. Since I got the promotion, I won't be working long hours all the time."

"Oh, yeah, and I'd just get him when you aren't able to? That sounds like a good idea. I know Max would love it. I could just come home after school--I mean, come here--and get dinner started or something."

"Yeah, that'd work out. I'll take him to speech."

"Okay." I smile sweetly at him.

He smirks. "So..." He pauses, looking to either side of him. "Why don't we call it a night also?"

"What time is it?" I ask, walking over to him.

He shrugs. "Ten-ish." He looks down at me. "Are you staying over tonight?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Summer. C'mon." Haru takes my hand and leads me to his room. He closes the door and sits down on the bed. He reaches into the drawer on the nightstand and pulls out a navy blue jewelry box. "Here," he says, handing it to me.

"I don't want it."

"I'm not trying to buy you or bribe you for anything. I know you make your own choices. Don't make stupid choices because you're so hell bent on proving something I already knew a long time ago."

"I said--"

"Are you never going to take any gifts I give to you?"

"Haru, I already told you I don't want anything your money buys. I want you to give me you."

"You have me. What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about us not having any intimacy. I might as well have been going out with Max. I spend more time with him, and we talk more. How am I your girlfriend? You don't ever kiss me. You don't ever touch me like you want me. You just--"

"Summer, I'm trying, okay. I told you who I used to be. I just don't want you to get mad and leave because I say some stupid shit to you."

"I'm not. We already talked about it."

"Talking about it is one thing, but me hurting you again is another. You're a virgin. The reason I haven't been that intimate with you is because it's hard to only go so far. If we don't start it, then I don't have to force myself to hold back. I don't know if I could stop myself if you told me to. It's best if we just don't go there."

"No, it's not."

"Listen, I don't know what to do with a girl like you. I don't really fuck with virgins. It's a headache. And I just... I want your first time to be perfect."

"Haru..." I sigh, walking over to him. I push him against the headboard. "Look at me," I say, starting to take off my clothes. "If it's with you, then it will be." I straddle him.

"You know when you do shit like this, I'm not going to stop you. I already told you, Summer, you don't know what you're doing. This isn't somewhere you want to go with me. I'm trying to hold back, but if you keep going, I won't be able to."

I kiss him. "Who else would I go here with?" I say, taking his shirt off.

"I'm warning you; I'm not going to stop this time."

"Don't stop. It's been so long, Haru... Haru..."

"You remember, don't you? You just want me to make you feel like that again. You want to be wet--you're probably already--no! C'mon, Summer. I can't control it. I'm just, fucking dirty, okay? I like it like that."

"Then do it! Stop stopping!"

"Summer, please," Haru implores with agony-filled eyes.

All right, Summer, if he calls you a slut, you just have to take it. If he makes you feel like you're being one, just know he's the only guy you've ever slept with, and he doesn't really mean it, I tell myself.

Pushing Haru up against the headboard, I kiss him hard. He grabs onto me harder, making me moan.

"You want me to tell you stop? I will."

"You said you wouldn't," I say.

"Summer, get off of me."

"Shut up, Haru!"

His body convulses; he's so tense.

I take his hair in my hands and lie down, pulling him down by his hair with me, and wrap my arms around his neck.

Haru is clearly done talking. Whatever he's keeping from me, he's about to unleash. The fire in his eyes makes my body sensitive to his every touch as he strips me down. His pants and underwear join mine on the floor. His tongue trails all over my body. I don't have time to be embarrassed.

"Yep! You're already wet, just waiting for me, huh princess?" He bends my legs open and dives his face right into my flower. He is rough, and my orgasm comes quick and uncontrollably, but he doesn't stop. I push him away, but he latches on even tighter.

"Haru..."

He swallows, his deep breaths streaming right into my face.

"I'm not going to stop."

"I want it. Don't hold back... but try to be a little gentle."

"Princess, I'm not joking. I want to be inside you."

"Then do it. I want you. I want to feel you inside of me," I say with a quivering lip, unable to control my desires, yet wanting them to be fulfilled none the less.

"Grab my hair. It's going to hurt."

"What?" I ask. "O-W-A-H!" I moan as he grabs mine. "Haru!"

There is something in my throat, prohibiting me from talking anymore. My body tries to calm itself; my hands push against Haru's chest. They move slowly toward his arms and I fold my fingers around them as Haru widens me slowly. My hands travel back to his hair, folding it around them as my teeth chatter and my skin warms. My toes wiggle in anticipation as my body tenses a bit.

Haru stares me in my eyes and kisses me messily, his penetration unsteady. My body tenses up even more. The warmth of his saliva around my mouth cools on my skin as his kiss deepens with more passion. With the deepening of the kiss, sparks fly through my body. The tenseness releases, allowing him to slide deeper inside of me. I moan painfully.

"It's almost in," he says.

I grab his hair tighter.

"That's right, pull it if you have to. It's just sliding right in there. Your pussy's so wet."

The pain seems unbearable, but yet I don't want it to stop. It makes my eyes roll back in my head and it fills me with the need to bite or lick. So, when Haru kisses me, I bite his lip.

"Fuck, yes! Bite me again."

I moan as he goes deeper inside of me. He doesn't stop pushing it in, just keeps going.

"A-a-a-h-h-h!!" I moan and scream, biting down on Haru's lip tightly and pulling his hair. I barely realized he is pulling mine. Suddenly, the pain is even more pleasurable as Haru slowly thrusts against me. He kisses me and bites me on my neck. When the pain intensifies, I pull on his hair, wrapping it around my fists and leading his face where I want it. He follows willingly. The pace picks up. The less tense I become, the better he feels going back and forth through me. I can't help but want to devour him; his manly aroma sends a pulsing desire through my body. I drop his hair and hold on to his arms. His muscles flex in my hands as he drives himself through me. His hair sweeps across my breast, tickling them naughtily, hardening my nipples. I moan as new sensations run through me, building faster and faster.

My legs quiver as I bite my bottom lip and push my pelvis upward. My hands fling themselves away from his arms. I run my fingers through his hair and grasp it in my hands, pulling tightly. My eyes close, and as my insides contract I squeal, "Oh, my God!"

"Oh, yeah... you're so fucking tight. I could fuck you for hours if it hadn't been so fucking long since I had some ass. I'm about to blow right now. Fuck..." he says, pounding me.

"Haru! Stop! It hurts!" I cry, but he doesn't stop. Instead, his hands tighten around my hips as I wiggle to get away.

He pounds into me so hard and so fast that I am crying. He gently flips me over to the side, my face on the bed.

"Haru... stop... please!"

He doesn't. Thankfully.

My back arches further and I push my forehead into the bed. The more I ask him to stop, the faster he goes and the more I convulse with pleasure.

I urge him to stop, just so I can intensify the pleasure.

"Fuck, yes!" Haru says as his warmth shoots into me and fills me up. "S-s-h-i-t!"

I gasp. Finally, the pain is over, but so is the pleasure. I rest on his bed. My breath is heavy, but Haru is panting, almost unable to catch his breath.

"Fuck!" He sighs heavily, yawning and stretching. "Shit! That was fucking amazing."

"Haru!" I say, hitting him in his chest.

"What?"

"Are you crazy?! Were you trying to tear my vagina off?!" I say, slightly pissed off at him but too weak to move.

He smiles. "You are bleeding."

"What?! Oh, my God! You fucking bastard!" I wave my hands at him to hit him.

"Calm the fuck down, Summer. It's because you lost your virginity. I didn't do shit to it but break it in." Haru gets up and goes to the bathroom. I hear the water running for a moment, and then it stops. He emerges from the bathroom carrying a white facial towel.

"What are you doing?"

"Lie back," he says, pushing me down.

I resist.

"Lie down!" He presses the damp towel between my thighs once I'm on my back.  "See?" There is a little stain of blood on the white towel. "It's not that much. Your pussy is going to be crazy sore tomorrow though. I can't stay home from work, but I can leave early and pick Max up from the after-school place later."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I get out of school at like two."

"Well, if it's really bad just stay here, okay?"

"It doesn't even hurt that bad. I'll be fine." I smile.

He smiles too. "Okay," he says with hidden meaning.

"What's that about?" I ask, as he returns the towel to the bathroom and probably drops it in the hamper.

"Nothing." He flops down on the bed and places his face near my flower. "Hi," he says, speaking into it. "How do you feel now that you just got fucked really hard?"

"Haru!" I smile.

It doesn't seem so bad when he's just joking and being a silly jerk, I say to myself.

"What I just wanted to make sure she's okay? I dropped a fucking load in there."

"Oh, my God! Can you shut up?"

"What? I just want to make sure my guys were comfortable in their new home."

"What in the world?"

"You did this. You wanted to be fucked, you wanted to be my girlfriend, you wanted all this shit. Okay, you really want to be with me? Then I'm not going to hold back anymore."

"Hold back?"

"Listen, for these last two months, do you know how much I thought about your pussy?"

"Haru, c'mon, you don't have to be like that," I say, getting a little annoyed.

"No, you don't get to say shit like that anymore. I begged you to leave it alone. I was fine the way we were."

"But I wasn't."

"Okay, I get it. What you don't get is that I've never been here. I've never had a conversation with a chick after I fucked her. I barely even knew their names. I've never fucked anyone at my house. No girls have ever slept in my bed. You think I just fucking let girls stay over? Even before Max, this shit is done at a hotel, at their house, somewhere in public--anywhere else but my house."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I told you. I'm not a good dude."

"But you are."

"I'm not. I'm just good because you're around. You make me good. A girl like you shouldn't even want me. I bet I put Max's mom through hell, and I don't even remember her name. If the paternity test would have proved me not the father, I would have walked away, and I wouldn't have cared if Max had a dad or not."

"Haru..."

"I'm serious. You don't get to back out now. I tried to tell you who I was. I'm trying to be a good guy. I've been a really good guy without sex in my life. I've done so much. I've tried to be a good dad and tried to stay away from women but you ... you just ... oh man..." he says and smiles. "You wouldn't take no for an answer. Then I was being a fucking whiny ass baby, begging you. But you didn't care--why?"

"Well, I didn't know you were a complete horn dog."

"I don't know how you didn't know that."

"Because you never try anything with me."

"Think about it--I never try anything, keep my distance--do you know how many times I masturbated to you?"

"Haru, seriously, you don't have to tell me that."

"I do because I need you to understand. I love to have sex. And you ... I mean, wow. What the fuck? You have no idea ... I came so fast inside of you; you have the best pussy in the world."

"Ew! Is that a compliment? Just shut up, Haru." Why is he like a teenage boy now? I think, turning around and putting my head on the pillows. "Turn the lights off."

"Okay." He laughs, lying behind me. "You were pulling the shit out of my hair, and you bit my fucking lip so hard. Oh, but I got your ass. Let me see." Haru turns me over to look at my neck. "Yes! I left a fucking mark."

I roll my eyes. "Go to sleep."

"Um, we're not going to sleep. I just needed some time to get my fucking shit together." Haru tosses the covers off of me.

"What?"

"No, princess, this is real. You get what you want. You wanted to be intimate."

"Haru, are you trying to punish me?"

"No, why would you think that? It's not going to hurt this time. I'm going to get you so wet that all you feel is pleasure. I promise."

"But it hurt."

"That was then. I promise it's not going to. You just make sure that when you can't take it, you pull the shit out of my hair, hit me, bite me, kick me, or do whatever the fuck you have to do­--shit, do it all--and I'll fuck you harder," he promises.

He wastes no time putting his tongue in and all over my flower.

What about how he likes me and what he likes about me?

"Mm..." I moan, forgetting my thoughts.

"Yeah! Moan for me, princess. You like that?"

Oh, my God! Shut up!

"You like when I tongue fuck you?" he says between doing that and licking me and other stuff.

Please, stop talking.

"Say yes!" Haru orders.

What?! He actually wants me to respond to that bullshit?

"Say it!"

"I don't want to... A-h-h-h!" I moan as he bites my pearl. "Stop it, Haru!"

"Say it," he says and licks me really well.

"Yes!"

"Say, 'I like when you tongue fuck me.'"

"No."

He licks me harder.

"No-no-no-no!" I whine. "Haru, stop!"

He doesn't let go.

"O-w..." I moan. "Fine, I like when you tongue fuck me! I like when you tongue fuck me!"

He laughs arrogantly as I my legs quiver and I can't speak.

"Get away from me!" I shout and push him away, only after my orgasm is fully reached.

"C'mon, princess. You were already moaning, so you do like it. What's the big deal? I like hearing you say it."

"But you make me feel so embarrassed."

"It's me. Stop. You're making it seem like I'm doing something horrible to you. If I'm making you feel good, why can't you make me feel good too?"

I never thought about it like that. "That makes you feel good, Haru? When I say stuff like that?"

"Yeah, it does."

"But you're going to think I'm dirty."

"I'm not. I'm going to think I'm doing it really good and that you like it--that you're comfortable around me, and we can go further. I can always know when you're ready to test your limits."

"Okay then," I say, lying down and opening my legs. "Then hurry up, Haru. I want you to tongue fuck me. I want you to give me another orgasm."

A crooked smile comes across his face.

"Right, fucking on..." He dives into my vagina like it is a bowl of cereal.

I moan loudly. Somehow this time it is ten times better. Maybe we are more in sync with each other. I can talk dirty if it means that Haru will be as satisfied with me as I am with him.

"Yes!" I exclaim. "Haru, I'm going to have an orgasm. Haru! Right there! Keep sucking my pussy."

He stops.

I open my eyes and flatten my back.

He is hovering over me. "You don't have to talk like we're in a porn. If I don't tell you to say it, I want your real response, okay? Still, you catch on quick."

"Did you really have to stop, Haru? I was almost there."

"That's why I stopped. When it comes around again, you're going to shoot all kinds of girl cum in my mouth." He laughs.

"Ew..." I giggle.

Haru takes his face back to my flower and extends his hands to my breasts. His finger fiddles with my nipples, hardening them even more. My ears become clouded with a sound I can't recognize. I moan as Haru does all sorts of things with his mouth to my petals. As he predicted, my orgasm is ten times more forceful and takes all my energy. He doesn't let me close my legs; he holds them open and watches me contract. He sticks his fingers inside to feel the aftereffects.

He's so gross.

I lie there for a while as Haru's fingers play around in my flower, flipping and folding, massaging and tickling my petals. It actually feels really nice. He kisses my thighs, sucks on my nipples, and kisses my neck. He is so intimate with me. I've been craving this.

"What are you doing?" I ask as he sits up, his manhood fully erect.

"Well, I'm going to fuck you. We don't waste wet." He slides himself across my incredibly moist folds. After he gets it all lathered up in girl cum and his saliva, he slowly pushes his rod inside of me. It doesn't hurt as badly as the first time, and when he starts to thrust, it hurts even less. This time around, sex is more intense, it has more of an impact. I hold his hair tighter. When I scream louder, he pounds harder. I let go of his hair as he spins me around.

"Doggy style. You ready?"

He doesn't give me a chance to answer. He grabs my hair and pushes himself inside.

I moan loudly.

"Oh, shit!" Haru says. "What the hell? I'm about to cum already." He pounds harder. "Your fucking pussy..."

I moan and cry as he does. "Haru... Haru... Haru..." I start to orgasm.

"F-u-u-c-k..." he exclaims. As my orgasm envelopes his, he slows down and then speeds up, thrusting. "FUCK!" he shouts and falls back on his bed.

"What?" I ask, still orgasming. I scoot closer to him and cuddle up to him, my legs quivering. I hold on tightly to his muscular arms.

"I'm so fucking tired."

"So, we're done?"

"Maybe, but seriously, I can't fucking stay in that little hole of yours. It makes me go so fast. I never bust fast like that."

"You think that was fast? It seemed like forever. It's like four a.m."

Haru smiles, checking his phone. "Summer, it's barely past midnight."

"Oh well, maybe it's just me." I sigh. "Well, my virginity is gone. You took it."

"Yeah, so now you have to stay with me forever. There's no return policy."

I laugh. "I wish that's how it worked: the guy who takes it is yours forever."

"It could work like that... for us."

"It could?"

"Yeah, do you want the necklace now?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"A serious one," he says.

"Let me think about it."

"It's not like it's a ring. I just want you to take it. You wanted me to kiss you and be intimate with you. So, don't you think me giving you something that I have for you, and you refusing it makes me feel the same way you were feeling when you couldn't give me what you wanted to?"

"I just don't want you to think I can't do anything on my own, Haru. All women aren't like that. I can survive without you or my mom."

"Summer, I'm not your mom. I just want you to be with us. I've spent so long being someone else, unable to be me. And you, I don't know, just bring me to myself. I told you I'm not this great guy who is always doing the right thing."

"But?"

"No, Summer. I have a horrible mouth and a dirty mind. I've never once paid any attention to what a woman wants or needs. But you make everything not horrible. Before Max came into my life, I didn't really have one. I had this crazy spiral of doing everything I didn't have a chance to do in school."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I lived like every day was the last. I regretted nothing. I didn't make friends. For a long time, I didn't have anyone close to me, especially women. They were like these dispensable things that showed up for me to take advantage of. They didn't care about me. I didn't care about them."

"That's horrible."

"I know, but when I met you for the very first time, even though you were a bitch, I was captivated. No one captures my attention like you do. You've done it again. You-you found me."

I smile and rest my head on his chest. "I thought you looked at me like I was nothing to you."

"Why would you think that? How could you? You have this sweetness with this uncertainty and determination that is all over you. I've never wanted to know someone as much as I want to know you."

"That was really sweet and not dirty, Haru."

He laughs. "Max changed a lot for me. So have you. You guys saved me from being the worst person in the world. You know it's not the murderers or thieves, it's the people who do stuff without it affecting their conscience that fuck everything up."

"You must have loved something."

"My parents, I guess? Love seemed so transparent. Like it didn't matter at all. I'm not even sure my parents love each other. Not the way you love me. No one would ever do the things you've done for me, Summer."

"Haru--"

He cuts me off, "I don't want to hold back anymore. I don't want to pretend for the rest of my life. I can just be happy, learning how to love someone all the way. Learning how to balance life."

"Wha... pretend?"

"What you know about me right now is enough for you to decide that you love me, right?"

"Yes."

"But I want to do all the things I never got to do--the things that never mattered to me--with you. But I also want to fuck you... a lot, in different places and different ways."

"Haru..."

"Yeah, I know I'm kind of hard to be around. I'm sorry. I'm not some white-collar dude who sips champagne and eats caviar. I'm a beer at the bar type of guy. I'm not the worst person in the world, but I know I'm not something you take home to your parents."

"I want to know all of you. I want to know your fears and what makes you happy. What makes you mad, what turns you on, what gets on your nerves, and what makes you excited."

"Yeah, I want to know all that stuff about you. And I sort of don't want to be without you anymore. It's starting to be lame making up things so you'll come over. I just want you to stay with me."

"I... I..."

"Think about it."

"Okay."

|  |

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# Chapter Nineteen: Essential Oils

The next day, I wake up in the late morning to my phone ringing. I had slept straight through my alarm and through Haru and Max leaving. I don't opened my eyes. Suddenly, the comfortable, restful sleep, turns into shooting pains in my back and aching in my nether regions. My body muscles are sore. It is similar to the almost immobile state after hitting the gym really hard, but far more painful.

"W-h-a..." I moan loudly. Every time I move, something hurts. I grimace as my phone rings. "Haru!" I reach for my phone. My breath is a little heavy. "Hello?" I answer.

A sexy laugh comes from the other end of the phone. "You're still sleeping?"

"Haru," I whine.

"Do you feel like someone drove a forklift through your girly parts?"

"Yeah. I feel like I was in an accident, and I should be either soaking in Epson salt or lying in a hospital bed bandaged up with ice packs inserted inside of my vagina."

"Yep, sounds about right. You didn't go to school today?"

"No. I can barely move."

"I'm going to come home and see you at lunch."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You want something?"

"Just you."

"Okay, see you in a little bit," he says, and the call ends.

I try to stretch. "Nope, can't do that." I whimper a little. "I'm just going to stay right here until Haru comes," I say, closing my eyes.

His bed smells just like him. I swoon over his call and let thoughts run through my mind until I'm annoyed with waiting. He said he was coming home. It's already been like an hour. I unlock my phone and call Haru.

"Hello, little broken pussy girl."

"That's how you're going to answer the phone, Haru?"

He laughs sexily. "You're so cute. I'm taking too long?"

"Um, yes. My body hurts. Come, make it better."

"I'm the one who made it like that."

"Yeah, so it's your responsibility to fix it."

"You want me to fuck you again. Maybe--"

"No, no, no... I'm okay. I can do without it for a while. I just want you to come be with me. You said you were."

"I know, and I am. I just had some stuff to do, but I'm pulling up now. I knew you were going to call. You are forever connected to my dick."

"Shut up! Ugh! Why do you have to be so immature?"

"I'm not," he says, and I hear a door shut.

"Yes, you are. You're just like a fifteen-year-old horny little boy."

"Summer, all men no matter what age, are fifteen-year-old horny little boys." He laughs.

I join him. Suddenly, the door to his room opens.

"Haru." I smile, extending my arms to him. I gasp. "Wha--you got hair cut! Why?!"

"Because it was time. I'm done being this guy who doesn't really live. All I've been doing is existing. Then, here comes this fork in the road."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you," he says and kisses me.

"Ow," I say as his body presses up against mine.

He stands up and takes off his suit coat. "Let's get a bath." He places his coat on the bed and goes to the bathroom to turn the water on.

"But I can't move."

"You'll be fine after the bath. I put some coconut oil and lavender in it. Essential oils will make you feel better," he explains, walking from the bathroom into the room and back.

"I thought you said you didn't know how to take care of women and make them smile," I say innocently.

He leans down over the bed in front of me. "Well, you just learned how to be fucked, so I'm learning how to be better at caring how you feel. Research is always the best way."

"So, you used the internet to tell you that you need to give me a nice essential oil bath?"

"No, I called my mom."

"Haru!" I yell, pushing him away. "I don't want your mom to know about this."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. She was probably happy to hear I was with someone and to hear from me at all. I only call home so Max can talk to them." He picks me up, carries me to the bathroom, and gently places me in the tub.

I stare at him. He's trying really hard. It warms my heart.

I watch him as he takes his clothes off and gets in the bath with me. My face burns, and I twiddle with my fingers.

"Don't be embarrassed, and don't be scared. I'm not going to try to fuck you when you're like this. I knew this was going to happen, which is why I don't fuck virgins. Not just because your body needs to get used to getting fucked hard, but because it comes with emotional baggage. I'm trying to make sure I'm not being selfish."

"Emotional baggage?"

"Yeah, I wasn't just kidding around when I was talking about you being connected to me forever."

"You said your dick."

"Yeah, but I mean everything. Now that I've been inside your body, you're going to want me in ways you never knew were possible. It's going to be mental, physical, and spiritual. Are you going to let me continue doing those things to you?"

"I don't know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around being with you, Haru. I've never been with anyone, let alone anyone so confident and experienced as you."

"This is my first relationship too, Summer. Don't worry. I'll take care of you. You'll never want to be with another guy. You'll only ever want to be with me."

"That's already how I feel, Haru."

"I know you think I have a dirty mind and a dirty mouth--I mean, I do--but ask some of your friends."

"I only have one friend, Darby."

"Well, ask her. There are guys who are like who I used to be--who are way worse than I was. I think before we go any further, you need to decide if you're willing to compromise."

"Compromise?"

"Yeah. I know this is sudden, but I told you I got the promotion, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm being transferred to Missouri."

"What?" I say, assuming this is goodbye.

"So, I need to know you're going to be with me because I want to take you with us."

"You what?"

"I'm going to go out next week to look for a house. I got a babysitter for Max... I want you to come with me."

"I can't just up and move, Haru. I'm in school." I twiddle my fingers under the water and stare into the ripples.

"Why not? What's more important, finishing at this school or being with me and Max? There are schools everywhere. You can find a job anywhere. But where will I find another you­--someone who I give a damn about and who gives a damn about me and my kid?"

My eyes travel up to his face as I stare into him--speechless.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but I don't really think we could live without you."

I gulp. "No..." I say sternly and stand up.

"Summer."

"I already told you. I don't need you to take care of me." I stomp my foot, splashing the water. I become light-headed and start to fall back into the tub.

Haru catches me in his arms.

I sigh. "This doesn't prove anything."

"It proves even if you can do it by yourself, I still want to help you--not do it for you­--help you. And it proves that you trust me."

"It proves nothing!" I say, getting off of him and wobbling out.

"What's so bad about me wanting to take care of you?"

"I'm not worthless!" I turn toward him and wrap a towel over me.

"When have I ever called you worthless?"

"You think I am though! That's why you thought I only wanted to have sex with you. Like I'm stupid or something, like the only thing I think about is sex because I'm too stupid to be successful. You're just like my mom! You want me to do everything your way."

"Summer..."

"I don't need someone for everything. It's just taking me longer than other people, so don't judge me. I don't care that you have two degrees and drive a fancy car or even that you own your own house. I'm going at my own pace, and someday, I'll have all that stuff."

"Have it with me."

"No! If you're going to leave, then leave. I don't care," I say, starting to cry. The towel loosens as I try to wipe my tears and hold it up simultaneously.

"Summer this isn't between you and me. This is you and your mom. Why are you acting like I'm the one who is judging you?"

"You are judging me. You don't think I can do it either. You're always talking about how you want to take care of me. I don't need your stupid money. I can make my own."

"What is it with you?! You're acting the same way you were when you were sixteen. You're not really that stupid, are you?!" He splashes water around. "Why can't you see I have something you don't, and you have something I don't? We're equal. Why don't you know you're taking care of me, and Max too?"

"Shut up. What are you even talking about? And you're stupid, not me." My sobs lessen.

"What I wouldn't give to have had a life growing up. To have connected to people. To have friends I could trust to share memories with, but I don't have that. I have two friends from college. I had three--I fucked that up. So..."

I sympathize with him and walk over toward the tub, the towel barely covering me.

"The only thing I have in life is Max and you. I mean, that I give a damn about. I drive the car I drive because I wanted something hard to get for everyone one else. But now I have you and Max. None of this matters. You'd think because Hayden and me have been friends since college, our relationship is solidified, but it's not. He doesn't know my life, and I don't know his. The fact he worked with me is a coincidence. He's been a way better friend to me than I have been to him. I'm trying to not be so distant from everyone. I feel like I wasted my life and never really understood how to enjoy it. I don't want to waste any more of it. Please, Summer, come with me. You told Max you'd always be with us."

I never thought about it like that. "You always help me see things in unique ways." The towel falls to the floor, and I step back into the tub with Haru. I lie on his chest for a moment and then gaze up into his eyes. "You look so different with your hair like that."

He smiles. "Time for a change."

"Haru, do you love me?"

He inhales and exhales heavily. "Summer, I'm really trying to love you--to love Max, to love me--and live life for all three of us."

"I think that's okay, Haru. I'm sure there's so much to learn about you and Max and life. I'm scared of life, honestly." I look up at him. "I only wanted you to like me. This is a lot. I've always been with my mom; she hasn't been the most supportive, but she hasn't been the worst either. You're asking me to leave her."

"I get it. Missouri, even though it's not far, it's not here. My parents are there. I'm a little homesick, so I get what you're saying. Also, I want Max to know them and grow up around them. For a long time, I resented them and stayed away from them. Now, I want to not be so cold."

"I've never thought you were cold."

"I am, though. You caught me off guard. You wiggled your way into my heart with that sweet little smile and some bomb-ass guacamole and your rack, which if I might add, has gotten even more exquisite."

"Shut up." I roll my eyes.

We both laugh.

The conversation fizzles out to idle laughter about random things as we finish bathing. Haru dries me off and walks me into the bedroom.

"Are you going back to work?" I ask him, as he lays me down in the middle of the bed and climbs on top of me.

"What do you think?" He smiles as he pulls the covers over us.

"Your hair is gone."

"You don't like it at all?"

"It makes you look like a teenager. Your long hair made you look grown and refined."

He doesn't respond, he simply kisses me sweetly. After which a sly smirk appears across his face. He turns over on his side and slides down my body. He opens my legs and leans on one elbow, looking at my flower. "Hello, there. Did I hurt you? Are you okay, little pussy?"

"Can you please stop talking to my vagina as if it is its own person?"

"Do you hear her? She's just jealous because I lick you a lot." He leans down and puts his ear to it. "What? What did you say? Lick you now? You're so direct."

"Stop! That's embarrassing," I say, trying to close my legs.

Haru grabs my knees and opens them back up. He leans into my flower and starts to lick it nicely, gently, sweetly. Of course, it makes me all tingly inside and makes me squirm, which in turn makes Haru do it harder. I moan and Haru wraps his arms around my thighs, making me groan louder.

"Grab my hair!" he says.

I do what he tells me, whimpering seductively as Haru does things harder, faster, and more forcefully. I grab at his shorter hair, pulling on it. The grip is better.

Haru groans. His movements are too much for me, so I start to climax. I pull his hair so hard; he grunts as my orgasm comes. Haru slurps my juices, not letting a drop slip to the sheets.

"Mm ... stop," I say, pushing him away, my back arching.

He doesn't, and then he looks right into my flower. Running his hand down it, he says, "I think you're working just fine. I can see your muscles contracting so well."

I smirk at him. He's so strange. He gets so captivated by just watching it.

Haru glides up my body, and we kiss passionately. I can tell my body is coming down from its high and wanting to be taken there again. From the looks of things, so can Haru. He slides his hand down to my little opening and fiddles around with his fingers.

He said he wasn't going to, but I know he will stick it inside of me. I feel his anxiousness, but I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if I can handle it. I'm not as sore anymore, but I'm still scared.

I hold on to his tight muscular arm as his deep breaths get even heavier. He swallows, staring into my eyes, positioning himself. I don't stop him as he brings himself to my middle and slides inside. I can't help but arch my back because it hurts so bad going in. Once it's in there, the pain seems manageable.

We continue to kiss as he makes love to me, sweetly. The sweat on his tattooed body glistens against me.

Wow, Haru. This is so good. If you could just make love to me like this, that would be fine.

It's almost as if he hears me think that. He stops kissing me. I open my eyes, and there is a sly little smirk upon it.

What are you about to do?

"All right, princess..." is his only warning. Though he doesn't tell me what I'm in for, I know immediately. He sits up on his knees and takes my legs in his hands, wraps them around his waist, and starts pounding.

I try to move, to speak, but I cannot. The only thing coming from me are moans and screams, my mind filling with painful, pleasurable, soothing, exciting sensations all over me.

Haru keeps going.

"Haru..." I call out once I'm able to think straight and form sentences with words.

However, his sweaty body and chiseled abs are busy thrusting all he has inside of me, turning me all sorts of ways. My ears pop with elation, the fear of not knowing what Haru is going to do and the pleasure that comes from when he does do it, is one in the same.

"Stop, Haru!" I beg him, and instead he turns me over on my knees and pounds me from behind.

He halts. "You want me to stop?"

"What? Don't stop!" Stop comes from my mouth, but everything about my body is demanding him to keep going.

A devilish smirk comes across his face. Resuming his thrusts, he ravages me. I assume, from the borderline pleasurable pain, I am bleeding. It's so hard it takes my breath away. Every dip Haru makes, pushes out an uncontrollable moan. My body fights through the soreness and thrusts, only to want more. He takes the cue, smacking our bodies together. Harder at first, then even harder. Every carefully delivered strike hits me in my pleasure spot, almost choking me. I cough, feeling like the wind has been blown out of me. He eases back, while I recompose myself, but the lack of intensity causes my body to slump in protest.

He smacks my left butt cheek. The stinging pain hurts so bad, I fall down onto the bed. Though I want it, I agonize over the pain as I anxiously wait to be smacked on my ass again. When he does, I scream out the pain and let the pleasure flow.

"No," I say, scooting away from Haru, but he follows me. "No, Haru, no." I push him away.

"Okay." He pushes himself into me again slowly for a few moments, and then he turns me around on my side. With one foot on the floor and the other bent on the bed, he delves into me, stabbing, burrowing, tunneling, pounding the living crap out of my poor little flower. My body smacks up against the headboard, and he keeps my legs spread as far apart as possible. He takes hold of my bent leg and stretches it out toward the ceiling, holding it in the air.

My screams turn into moans as he keeps right on. I fight the urge to run from him because I'm loving every rough movement. I can't even hold on to my tenseness; I'm completely open. My insides stir, summoning up an orgasm. I want it to stop but need him to keep going. I've never been so indecisive.

Finally, my climax comes, and no matter how hard Haru wants to continue forcing himself inside of me, my body pushes him out. For a single moment, the lights shine brighter, the cells in my body break and fall apart from their own orgasm, and I am lifted to the ceiling. Coming back down from the best orgasm I've ever had, I pay no attention to the warm white stuff Haru's orgasm has shot into me.

"Haru!" I cry as I fall off the bed, cupping my orgasming flower. Haru's creamy stuff falls out of me. He doesn't let me fall completely. He catches me and places me back up on the bed. I lie there, contracting while he smacks my ass and laughs.

"Stop," I whine.

I can't move. Haru opens my legs and massages my core.

"Don't touch it," I say, tensing up and trapping his hand between my legs.

"Come here."

"No, you broke it again." I moan cutely.

He lies down and pulls me toward him, freeing his hand. I cuddle up to him, purring like a satisfied kitten and congratulating him on a job well done. I close my eyes with my arms on his chest.

"Are you going back to sleep?" he asks. "You do realize we have to go get Max."

"I'm not going anywhere. Look what you did to me. You said you weren't."

"I never said that. I said I was going to put you in a bath, which was just a speedy recovery. There's no way I'm not fucking you every day."

"You said you wouldn't touch me!"

"Okay, I lied. Sorry?"

"Shut up!"

He chuckles. "You're not going to go get Max with me?"

"I can't move, Haru."

He laughs. "I didn't hurt you for real, did I?"

"I don't know. It really hurts though. Like my orgasm hurt."

"I'm sorry, Summer. You're going to be okay though. It felt good too, yeah?"

"It felt amazing. I can't really explain it. Even though it was hurting, I still didn't want you to stop."

"That's how it's supposed to be."

"Does it hurt you?"

"No, not at all. It feels so fucking good. If you didn't make me cum so fast, I'd just keep fucking you."

I whimper a little as I cuddle up to him. My eyes close, the quietness between us only bringing us closer.

"You're coming with me, Summer," Haru tells me out of the stillness. "There's just no other way. I can't go back to the way I was... empty." He sighs. "I guess it wouldn't matter if I didn't have Max. I could do anything--die even."

My eyes open slowly. Die?

Haru continues to talk in a serious, loving, cheerful voice. "Even if I had tried to have a girlfriend, it still wouldn't have been as amazing as it is with you. I'm sort of happy to have this with you. It's like you took one of my firsts, too."

Haru, you're so gross sometimes, but that's sweet. I am going with you. I'll go with you anywhere.

"I'll go..." I finally say. "But not in your car. I drive down your road, in my own car, as long as we both make sure that we both want to go where we're going," I say intently.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry. Something Darby said. I probably didn't say it right." I sit up. "Listen, Haru, I don't know if you love me, but I love you. I'm pretty sure I've loved you since I was sixteen, as hard as that is to admit, but I do want to do something for myself. I don't want my identity to be you and Max. Right now, I don't really have anything else but that. I'm just going to be your girlfriend, that's all."

"You'll be Max's mom."

"W-what?"

"I can't be Max's mom."

"Summer, you're already..."

"Does that mean you want to marry me? I can't get married."

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

"We don't have to do it now. I don't know how this love thing is going to play out, but I do know I want to be with you. I want us all to be together. Max wants a mom and a dad. Besides the whole him thinking you were his girlfriend thing, you are great for the both of us. Do what you want, as long as you love us. That's it."

"You can be such a perverted jerk, but you're so sweet."

Max did say something about me being his mommy.

"We also have to have sex every day, and not lazy sex. Like, I'm-going-to-fuck-you-until-you-can't-walk sex."

"And we're back on track." I smirk at him. He glances my way, I give him my undivided attention.

"Summer," he says seriously, "I do love you. I mean, as far as I know. I want you so bad."

"But you have me."

"I know..." He gulps. "I need you to be on board. This is a big thing. We might have to move again, and I told you I'm going to be traveling a lot. That's just what happens. Every time I've gotten a promotion, I've had to relocate."

"I've been here all my life, so maybe it's time for a change. Isn't that what you said," I remind him as I flick his hair. "You look almost like you did in college."

Beautiful, tranquil silence falls over the room, and we lie there for a few long moments.

"I sort of wish you would have come back to tutoring."

"Yeah, I guess. Maybe we would have just been together."

"You think so? I'd be a different guy."

"I'd be the same girl. Just hiding it."

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# Chapter Twenty: Mommy

It's been a couple of weeks. School's going fine; it's almost final's week. We were supposed to go check out a house in Missouri, but we haven't yet. Last night, Haru and Max had a cookie eating contest--Haru lost. My mom still has no idea I'm basically not living at home anymore. It's about six in the morning, and roughly an hour before Haru wakes Max up. I'm lying in his bed next to him, thinking.

I've never been so happy, but how am I going to tell my mom? I sigh.

Haru stirs and wraps his arm around me.

I glance over lovingly at him. His hair is growing back fast. One of his eyes opens and looks right at me. I smile sweetly.

"You're not sleeping. Why are you anxious?" he asks, leaning toward me.

"I'm not. I'm trying to get used to this."

"Which means you still haven't told your mom."

"I don't know how to."

"Yeah, I get it." He hovers over me and kisses me before his face leaves mine. "You know, we didn't really get a chance to have sex last night."

"That was you fault. You're the one who thought it would be awesome to have a cookie eating contest with a six-year-old."

He lets out a deep sigh, pulls the covers off me, and exposes my T-shirt and underwear. A sly smirk comes across his face. My flower jumps a little. I suppose she's happy to see him. He pulls my panties off, slowly observing them in the process. "These are cute. They've got a little bow and purple flowers. Very nice."

"Um, thanks?" I squirm a little. He's taking unusually long to touch me.

"Mmm..." His voice sounds sexier now. He kneels in front of me. "Hi, sweet little pussy." He pulls my legs apart and bends them at the knee. "Did you miss Daddy?"

"Haru," I peep, my cheeks running a bit warm. My eyes veer away from him.

"What?" He leans into my flower, opening its petals with his fingers. He peers at it as if he's looking inside. I glance at him and then back over at the wall. I try to close my legs a little, but Haru is holding them apart.

"No, you didn't answer my question."

"Stop looking at it like that."

"I can't. It's so pretty and pink. You're acting all shy and embarrassed. You know you like it. Your pussy is letting out some juice, that means it wants to be fucked."

"Haru..."

"Summer..." he says, singing it a little with some seductive tones as he slides his fingers between the folds of my core. "Tell Daddy you want him to fuck you."

"Haru, why?"

"Don't be like that. Let me hear you say it. Say, 'Fuck me, Daddy.'"

"Um, no."

"Say it," he demands. "You know I have to go to work, so if you don't hurry up, someone's not going to get fucked today."

He's such an asshole sometimes. I pout, but I don't have the will to refuse him. I arch my back, pushing my ass down into the bed. Haru's smug smirking pisses me off.

"Fuck me, Daddy," I peep.

Haru's smirk becomes a completely arrogant grin. "I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch that."

"Haru!"

"Can you please say it again?" he asks, like an asshole, and leans over me, positioning his ear near my face.

I let out a frustrated sigh and avert my eyes from him because I know I have to say it. I want him so bad. I take my hands down from my mouth and lose some of the warmth in my cheeks.

"Asshole," I say, reaching for his hair with one hand.

He sucks his teeth and looks at me with one eye closed.

"Daddy... please fuck me," I say in his face.

His sexy laugh takes away any embarrassment that I have. He pulls my hands from his hair and takes off my T-shirt. He kisses me hard and purposefully. The way his tongue swirls around my mouth tells me he's trying to turn me on more. I moisten even more. He leaves my lips and flicks his tongue across my right nipple, grabbing my boob in his hand. He is overwhelmingly gentle and rough.

"Haru, fuck me. Please."

"Call me Daddy."

"Haru!"

"Daddy?"

"Daddy..." I finally say.

"Fuck me!"

"Daddy, fuck me!" I demand, pushing him down and grabbing his hair.

"All right, princess."

He doesn't make me wait anymore.

Haru immediately thrusts--deep and rough--just how I like it. It hurts, but only when he's going too far in. My body isn't ready, but it will be. I moan loudly, demanding more of him. His deep thrusts liquefy the pain until all I feel is him wading through an ocean of pleasure.

He flawlessly conjures my orgasm with every stride. My body moves with him; as hard as he pounds me, I push back against him, hoping he'll go even deeper inside. Again, without breaking the perfect stride, he slides down and plants his feet on the floor. He spreads my legs and rests them against my shoulders, so he can watch as my flower swallows his stalk. His sexy man groans reveal his excitement and turn me on even more. My climax builds.

"Haru!" I scream out, but he's so focused on fucking me.

"Haru!" I am screaming and moaning, telling Haru no, and telling him yes, fighting him and he keeps his firm gyration steady. Never once wavering, only building my orgasm.

"Haru!" I scream as my body starts to convulse. My hands wrap around his wrists. He explodes, releasing his warm liquid inside of me.

He pushes me further onto the middle of the bed and climbs on top of me. I am still moaning, purring a little. He slows down and massages my swollen, throbbing insides with his massive manhood. I squirm, so satisfied I could fall asleep again. Haru's breath upon my sweaty body feels so cool and tantalizing. Though we are both breathing hard, he kisses me with his rod still inside of me, my orgasm slowly pushing him out.

I grab his hair and envelope his lips. The comfort of it is unreal.

After we kiss passionately, he stares into my eyes.

"Okay, princess, I have to get ready for work. Have to go wake Max up."

I moan cutely. "Okay..."

He leans down to my middle. "Okay, you have a good day. Daddy loves you. Can I have a kiss?" he says to it.

"Haru!" I giggle.

He laughs. "Okay, I love you."

My smile falls into a blank expression. "I love you, too." He's never just said it before. At least not this freely and without me saying it first.

"Yeah, sounds good. Doesn't it?"

"Yeah." I say breathily.

He lifts himself off of me and slips on some pants. I get up and walk into the bathroom. As I am about to close the curtain, Haru walks into the bathroom.

"I thought you were going to wake up Max," I say.

"He was already up."

"Oh, that's new. I'll make breakfast after my shower." I smile.

He kisses me before stepping into the shower. "I really like when you call me Daddy."

"You don't think that's weird? Max calls you Daddy."

"Yeah those are two completely different entities."

"Oh, yeah?" I say, realizing that it's not at all the same to Haru.

We shower together.

I step out of the shower, put a towel on, and dry off. I put some clothes on to go downstairs and make breakfast.

Max comes hopping down the stairs with his backpack on his back.

"Good morning." I smile.

"Morning," he says, staring at me strangely.

"What?" I giggle as he places his backpack down on the floor and sits in one of the wooden chairs. "I hope you're hungry. We're having some eggs and toast. You can even make a sandwich. That's what I'm going to do, and I've got your lunch," I say as I take it out of the fridge and place it on the island.

"I am hungry," he says, following me with eyes.

"Awesome." I sit a plate in front of him and one on the other side of the table for Haru.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I give him a confused look. "You want some juice?"

"Yeah."

Haru fixes his collar as he comes down the stairs with his suit coat in hand. His crisp, clean white shirt compliments his gray and black skinny necktie. He smiles at me as I get the juice carton from the fridge. He kisses me; his breath is all minty and cool.

"Your plate is on the table." I smile back, still tasting the remnants of his sweet tongue on mine.

When I glance toward the table, Max has a brooding look on his face.

"What's up, buddy?" Haru asks as he sits across from him.

Max doesn't answer.

I pour him a glass of mixed berry juice and place it beside him. "You want some juice, Haru?" I ask, but he isn't paying attention. He's staring at Max.

I stare at both of them.

Max won't even look at Haru. I wonder why? Is he angry?

"Max, are you okay?" Haru presses.

Max remains silent and continues to avoid eye contact as he eats his breakfast.

Haru looks over at me with concern etched all over his face.

"Max, is everything okay?"

"Can you sit by me for breakfast, Summer?" Max asks in lieu of an answer.

"Um," I say, glancing at Haru. "Of course. Let me get my plate and pour Daddy a glass of ju--"

Max cuts me off. "Daddy doesn't get any juice! He can have water."

"What?" Haru asks, confusion in his tone.

Max says nothing. I take the cup of juice for myself. I grab my plate and sit next to Max at the table. Haru studies Max while he eats.

"Fine, I won't have juice. I guess he's not talking to me either. Whatever." Haru smiles.

I eat. Haru glances at me and then at Max. "I'll get my own God damn juice," he says, getting up.

I thought you were okay with not having any, I think, wanting to smile, but I don't.

Haru gets his juice and sits back down, and we all continue to eat. The tension grows in the kitchen, heightened only by the sound of clanking forks against plates. Finally, Haru drops his fork forcefully and addresses his son, "C'mon, Max. Why aren't you talking to me?"

Max continues not to speak.

"Summer?" Haru says as if I am supposed to do something.

It startles me, but I take my cue. "Max, what's wrong?" I ask sweetly.

"I don't like Daddy," Max reveals.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because he made you cry."

"No, he didn't," I say as Haru sips his juice.

"Yes, he did! This morning. You were crying and telling him no! No means no, Daddy!"

Haru chokes on his drink, spilling a little on the table. Unable to get out words, he coughs. His eyes bug and face flushes.

My cheeks burn.

"U-um..." I stutter.

"You can sleep in my room, Summer. You don't have to sleep with Daddy if he's going to be mean. What did he do? Did he steal the covers? Did he turn the light off when he said he was going to keep it on?"

"Um I-I..." I continue to stutter. My skin starts to sweat and the feeling in my fingertips leaves.

"Max," Haru calls in a fatherly tone.

Max looks right at him.

"I did steal the covers from her. I'm sorry. I promise I'll never do it again."

"You promise, Daddy? Because you promised me too, but you still did."

"I promise. I'll even get her a cover just for her, if I can't stop stealing," Haru says sweetly.

OH MY GOSH! I can't believe Max heard us having sex.

The feeling returns to my fingertips, and a sigh of relief comes out of me. "Max, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. You probably didn't want to say a lot to Daddy because you just started staying here forever. Daddy, when Summer says no, you have to understand it, okay?"

"Okay, I promise. Are you still mad at me?" Haru asks with puppy dog eyes.

"Summer, are you mad at Daddy?"

"No." I smile.

"Then okay, I'm not mad anymore either."

Haru finishes his food with a few sly smirks my way. "You know buddy, we're not going to be here at the house forever?"

"Oh, I didn't mean at the house forever, Daddy. I meant with us."

"Oh, Max." I rub his hair as he finishes his breakfast and drinks the last of his juice.

A few moments go by. It's May, I gasp slightly, that's six months from their birthdays. "Hey, your half-birthday's coming up. We should celebrate." I smile.

"Half birthday?" Haru inquires.

"Is that a real thing?" Max asks.

"Yeah. It's halfway to your birthday. Since I missed it last year, we should celebrate it." I explain.

Max smiles, "Like, have a party? We never have parties."

"We should. That would be fun. Wouldn't it, Haru?"

"I don't know, princess..." He trails off in thought.

My hands ball up, and my cheeks start burning. He's calling me that in front of Max now? "Well, I think we should."

"Dad, please." Max backs up my statement with his sweet pleading.

Haru is jolted out of his thoughts. "What happened to 'Daddy?'"

"I'm going to be a super big boy at my half-birthday, I'll be almost seven. 'Daddy' is for babies."

"Oh? Well, if you're going to be a super big boy then I guess we'd better have a party, huh? You've never been super big before."

"YEAH!" Max says, running to hug Haru.

Haru kisses Max in his coal black hair and shoots me a sweet stare. I smile as Max shuffles over to me and throws his arms around my waist. Content with the news, he skips over to his backpack and shoots up the stairs.

Haru sighs after his last bite of food. He washes it down with the last of my juice. I stare at him endearingly until he stands and walks over to me with a certain look in his eyes. He raises my chin with his index finger.

"I love you," he says earnestly. "Sometimes you want these things that I never thought of having."

"A party?"

"I never thought that Max would even want a party. Am I completely stupid? Of course, he wants a party. He's never asked. These last two years he's been happy with whatever we've done."

"Haru, it's okay. You seem troubled by this and untroubled by the fact that he heard us having sex."

"That was my bad. We definitely have to be more careful, but this... I don't know--you're exactly what we needed." He kisses me again. "We'll see you later."

"I'll pick Max up from school. I just have some studying to do today."

"I was thinking we can probably wait to move until the semester's over."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know it's a lot to give up to just come and be with us and it's only a month."

I smile; my cheeks are on fire. "Haru, I love you and Max so much. Thank you." I gaze up into Haru's beautiful eyes.

Max runs down the stairs, grabs his lunch, and heads for the door.

"Don't forget to tell Summer goodbye," Haru reminds his son as he throws his suit coat on and buttons it.

"Oh!" Max says, running back into the kitchen. He stops abruptly, changing his demeanor. "Summer..." Max starts as if he's about to say something else.

"Yeah?"

"C-can I call you 'Mom?'"

My shoulders drop.

Haru looks over at me.

Max scrutinizes my every move, examining me.

"Y-you want to call me 'Mom?'" I stammer.

"Aren't you my mommy now?"

"Um," I say, glancing at Haru. He too seems to be waiting for my answer.

I gulp. "Yeah. You can."

"Okay, Mom."

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# Chapter Twenty-One: Family Meeting

It's Friday--the Friday before finals. It's about five or six in the morning, and I'm having the uncontrollable urge to moan.

"You're awake," Haru states from between my legs.

"You couldn't wake me up first?" I ask in pure pleasure as his tongue tickles my lady parts slowly.

I open my eyes, and our eyes lock. He stops and sits up.

"Well, I was asleep, and then your pussy said to me, 'Haru, can you please lick me?'"

"What time is it? It's almost daytime. You know Max heard us the last time we had sex in the morning."

"It'll be fine. I forgot to put his sound machine on. He won't hear us this time."

I sigh.

"Yeah, so anyway, as me and your pussy were conversing, I asked 'do you think I should wake Summer up?' She didn't like the idea because she wanted us to have some personal time--so we could get to know each other a little better."

I roll my eyes, playing along with his little narration. "So, what kind of 'person' is she?"

"Not a person. She's a vagina. She hates when she gets lumped in with other species just because she's attached to them."

He's nuts.

"But her name's Kathy. She works in accounting. She likes long strokes of the tongue, followed by gentle slurping around her pearl--"

"Shut up, Haru."

He laughs. "She's a sweet girl--a little naughty. Oh, let me tell you when she's wet, she makes a lot of noise."

"Oh, my gosh! Shut up! You're so embarrassing."

He laughs sexily. "So, now that she's all moist and glistening," he says, climbing on top of me. "I'd like for her to meet Bob."

"Bob?"

"Yeah." He shrugs. "He's from accounting, too."

I roll my eyes and then put them right on him. "First of all, Kathy and Bob sound like boring old people, and accounting? Really?"

"What?! Fine, her name's Mecca, and she's a fashion model. His name's--"

"He has to have a name like you, Haru."

"Takumi! He plays bass."

"Okay." I smile mischievously. "So, are you going to make love to me or not, Takumi?"

A sexy, sly smirk appears across Haru's face. "Damn right I am. Hope you're ready for your tax refund, it's going to be big."

"What?" I giggle, but he doesn't answer. "It's Mecca and Takumi, not Kathy and Bob, they're not accountants, you said Takumi plays bass. Wouldn't it be a music reference?"

"Eh, I like the accounts, boring names, dirty minds."

He slides into me and proceeds to roughly re-introduce his shaft to my flower. When he's done ringing my bell and pounding his orgasm out, he wraps me up in his arms.

"Haru," I moan, still panting from our early morning session.

"Good, princess?" He kisses me and lies beside me.

I pull the covers up over us and scoot close to him so we can cuddle. "Yeah," I say as he puts his arms under the covers to hold me. "Haru, can you stay home from work today?"

"Are you going to stay home from school?"

"Yeah."

"I got some paid time off. Let me just take Max to school."

"Can we all stay home together? Like a family day?"

"Oh. I seriously thought you were suggesting we have like a sex party day or something."

"We can have a sex party tonight. Today, let's be with each other."

"What's so special about today?"

"Well, it's May twentieth--you and Max's half-birthday." I smile.

"Half-birthday?"

I scoff, "Haru! We talked about this already."

"Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Half-birthday."

"Yeah. Remember I said let's have a party?"

"Uh..."

"You don't--that's fine." I roll my eyes, "Anyway, I was thinking, maybe not a party. Maybe we should have a mini vacation. Let everything fade away, except us. It could be a tradition that we start or something."

"Tradition?"

"It doesn't have to be like something we pass down through the years, and suddenly, it's some sacred thing that deems you a horrible person if you don't do it. Just something that's only ours?"

"Okay, maybe." His eyes shoot up to mine. "Yeah, let me go see if Max is up." He gets out of the bed and leaves the room.

A few minutes later, Haru walks back into the room and pulls his pants off and hops in bed with me. "It's not even seven, princess. He's sleeping. I guess we're all staying home today and playing hooky. Starting traditions and shit."

I smile. "Can we go back to sleep?"

"Fuck yeah. I never get to sleep in. We go to bed late."

"Because you want to have sex."

"Exactly. Now, I've already fucked that little pussy and beat it up, so I'm good." He smiles slyly.

I roll my eyes. "Shut up."

He laughs sexily as we cuddle one another. I snuggle into his tattooed arms and fall back asleep.

After a while, a faint knock stirs me awake. I cuddle deeper into Haru's masculine arms without opening my eyes.

"Mom. Dad." Max's sweet little voice causes my eyes to open immediately.

Mom. I smile so big.

"Haru, wake up. Max is at the door."

"What?" he asks in his sexy, groggy man voice as he stirs from his sleep and grabs me, tucking me in closer to him.

"Wake up, Haru." I get out of the bed and throw on a romper. Haru slowly pushes the covers off himself and slips on some shorts.

I open the door with a smile. "Good morning, Max."

"Morning, Mom." He smiles.

Haru joins us at the door.

"Hi, Dad."

"Max it's you and your dad's half-birthday, so we're just going to have fun today." I smile.

"That's today? Yey!"

"Yeah."

"Okay then. Happy half-birthday, Dad." Max smiles big.

"You too, buddy." Haru smiles back.

"So, you guys want to help me make breakfast?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Yeah!" Max jumps.

"Awesome!"

"Okay, can I stay in my pjs?" Max asks.

"Yeah." Haru allows.

"Cool. I'll go put some cooler ones on," he says, darting down the hall.

I laugh. "So, he's going to change, anyway?"

"Whatever he wants," Haru says and gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek on his way to the bathroom.

Max returns to our doorway, in what he considers 'cooler' pjs, with a balled-up fist and a frightened look on his face.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

Max says, "Um... so I was excited, and I was rushing to change my pjs. I don't really know what happened." He extends his fist forward opening his hand, palm-side up. In the middle of his palm is a baby tooth.

I gasp. "You--is that the first tooth you've lost?" I ask.

"Yes." He stares at me unsure.

"Was it bleeding?"

"Not really. I didn't even notice it was loose."

"That happens sometimes. It's okay. Can I take a look?"

"Yeah," he says, stepping into the room and opening his mouth. He tilts his head back a little, and I rest my hand in his hair and the other on his chin. Looking around his mouth I don't see any blood, but I do see a space at the center of his bottom row of teeth. I examine it more closely. "Wow, the other tooth is already growing in." I step back smiling at him. "Does it hurt?"

"No, it didn't hurt when it came out either. It just fell out. I think I was smiling too hard. Is that how it is all the time?" Max asks.

"I think it's different for everyone and maybe even every time."

Haru joins us at the door.

"Wow. You lost your first tooth? You're snaggle-toothed now." Haru laughs, sleepily.

"No, he's not."

Max stares at Haru.

"So the Tooth Fairy's going to be paying you a visit." Haru smirks.

"Tooth Fairy?"

"Yeah, you know." Haru shrugs.

"I--" I study Haru. This is probably something Haru never talked to Max about. "Do you maybe want to talk about it? The Tooth Fairy and stuff?"

"I have my own ideas of the whole thing," Max says.

"Well, I'd love to hear them." I smile.

"Really?" Max stares at me with a gleeful expression on his face.

"Yeah."

"Could we... could we have like a family meeting?"

"Family meeting?" I question. "Sure."

"Awesome!" Max darts toward the stairs and disappears down them.

Haru sighs. "He's taking this 'family' thing too far."

"I think it's cute. He probably has been waiting to have one, or at least thinking about it. Let's see what he thinks about the Tooth Fairy and losing his first tooth."

Haru smiles at me.

"What's that smile about?"

"You're so sweet about Max. Some people might think he's bothersome because he's not really like a kid. He doesn't have any kid friends or anything. I never take him on playdates. I never go to any of the parent stuff at school. You know, I'm just trying to be good to him. It comes so natural to you."

"Don't worry. I'll go on playdates with him and go to the parent stuff if you want me to."

"I think Max would like that."

Haru kisses me and leads me out of the room by the hand. We head down the stairs and into the living room where Max is patiently waiting for us. Haru and I sit down on the sofa as Max sits on the chair next to us.

"So, what do you think about losing your first tooth and stuff?" I ask.

"Honestly, I'm fine with it. I just--please don't be mad guys. I don't really know if the Tooth Fairy is real. I have my doubts about Santa, too. That okay?"

"Yeah, buddy, whatever you want." Haru smiles.

"I was thinking, since I've never really had a Mom and a Dad at the same time, if the Tooth Fairy, or any of the holiday magical people are real, maybe you could ask them this year to kind of... just... let us do everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you could email them or call them up or something and tell'em you guys will do it. It's already so hard to believe, and honestly, if you think about it, it's kind of scary."

"Scary?" I question.

"Well, yeah, I mean, do we know them?"

He thinks about stuff like that?

"I was just thinking maybe it could be a family thing, and we don't really need the Tooth Fairy or Santa or anyone."

"Aww..." I melt a little. He's so cute and innocent. He really wants a family.

"Yeah, buddy," Haru says.

I glance over at him. Haru looks like he's shocked or something. "I think that would be awesome." I smile at Max.

"I also want to ask something else," Max says.

"Shoot." Haru nods.

"So, if Summer has a baby--"

"Wait..." I interject.

"Can we name that baby Max, even if it's a girl?"

"One thing at a time buddy, okay?" Haru smirks with his eyes on me.

"Okay."

Thank goodness. That's not something I want to talk about at all.

"Anything else?" Haru asks, hiding his reluctance.

"No, that's all." Max grins, showing off his missing tooth.

"Okay, then. Make sure you put your tooth under your pillow tonight," Haru says.

"Well, let's put in in a storage bag first, okay?" I suggest, rising to my feet. I head to the kitchen to get one from the cupboard. Max follows me in, and we put his tooth in a small snack bag.

"I'm going to go put it under my pillow," he says and takes off toward the stairs. He stops abruptly and turns to me. "So you guys are going to pretend to be the Tooth Fairy and Santa, right?"

"Yeah."

"So you'll get my tooth tonight while I'm sleeping and then put money under my pillow?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, because I don't want anything from them. And I don't want some random magical person having my tooth. I'd want you guys to have it. I also don't want presents from someone I don't know, I want them from you and Dad, because you know me and love me."

I nod. "Agreed." This kid is the most logical person in the world, I laugh to myself.

"Thanks. They never have to come, even if they're real. You guys can do it all the time, right?"

"Yep." I smile.

"Awesome!" Max says and darts up the stairs.

I smile aimlessly as he disappears up them. My eyes glide across the house, stopping on Haru. "That's a weird smile."

"He's formed his own opinions of things." I smile.

Max runs back down the stairs and slides in front of us.

"Okay, let's go out for breakfast." Haru suggests, "Let's spend some of that Tooth Fairy money."

"Let's spend it all!" Max enthuses.

"Wait, we have to put some away. We're smart businessmen. And we're going to need it for when we move."

"Okay," Max agrees and runs upstairs.

Haru and I watch him until he disappears.

"I can't believe him. He was serious. Little businessman in the making."

"Well, honestly, I wouldn't expect anything less," I say.

"What?"

"I mean, he is your kid. I don't know how someone as logical and grounded as you could ever be with someone who is always so up in the air with everything."

"I think we complement each other. You literally have everything I don't--everything I want, everything I need. I guess I have that for you too. Or at least I hope you feel like that."

"You mean you have a bunch of money and I'm broke?"

"Summer, don't do that. What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine. Whatever you want to do with your life, do it. Make a lot or as little money, go as far or stay as close as you want--whatever. Just do it with us. You can't turn back now. We're a family."

"Why are you saying it like you think I'm trying to back out?"

"When you say things like that about money and stuff, I don't know where your head is. I don't know if you're about to freak out on me based on your own insecurities. So yeah, I get a little skeptical."

I have to stop saying stuff like that. I gulp. "I'm sorry. My head. My heart. Me. It's always with you and Max."

"Okay." He sighs, nodding, "Then let's go celebrate our half-birthdays and our new family.

"Yeah." I smile. We stare into each other's eyes for a moment and then he kisses me.

"I love you," he tells me.

"I love you too."

Silence falls over us as we simply gaze into each other.

Haru's phone rings, cutting through the silence.

"This better not be work." He reaches for his phone and stares at the screen. "That's weird."

"What?"

"It's not a therapy day."

"Who is it?"

"Your mom."

My eyes pop open wider. "My mom?"

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# Chapter Twenty-Two: Brain Freeze

A week passes. Though I haven't studied very much, my finals pass, too. I do just fine on them, despite my lack of studying. Ever since Haru and Max's half-birthday, Haru has been different. I've been staying away from the house and my mother, hoping she doesn't ask where I am. I don't feel like telling her I'm staying at Haru's house and having all kinds of naughty sex with him. Haru and I talk less and less about us, every conversation revolves around Max.

It's Saturday morning, and Max is still sleeping. I lie next to Haru and open my eyes, noticing a ponderous look upon his face.

"Good morning," I say, rolling over on him.

"Oh." He seems startled. "Good morning, princess." He pulls me up to his face as we kiss.

"What were you thinking about?"

Before he answers, he gulps slowly. "Nothing, just moving. We've only got about a month and a half, and we still need to go look at a house."

I smirk. "We haven't really talked about it."

He sighs. "I'm sorry. I've had a lot on my mind."

Lately, when I ask what he's thinking about, he just says something generic. Nothing's wrong, but he always has a lot on his mind. Maybe he's stressed out with the move and stuff. Everything's so new. I don't want to add stress by prying.

"Are you going to get a flashy house?" I smile, trying to keep my concern for his mood a secret.

"Do you think this house is flashy?"

"Not really. It's kind of huge though."

"Do you not like flashy houses?"

"I don't really like flashy 'anything.' That reminds me, can you please get rid of the flashy car?"

"You really don't like it, do you?"

"I hate it. I was going to try to come up with an excuse, but no, get rid of it."

He chuckles. "Okay."

"I hope Mom lets me keep my car. I have enough money to pay my own insurance and stuff."

"It'll be cheaper if you just get on my plan."

"Haru--"

"Hey, I know you want to do things on your own, but don't be stupid. The best thing you can do is try to save money."

I breathe, deeply insulted.

"Princess, listen to me, we can come to an agreement. This is going to get old. Every time I suggest something, you get a fucking attitude. If you love me, like you say you do, get over yourself and drown those insecurities in doing what you want to do. Acting like a brat every time somebody says something doesn't make you independent, it makes you childish," he says with a straight face, eyes peering into mine.

I lift myself off him and turn to the corner of the bed. That's true, but he said it... meanly, I think, hugging the pillow. I look back at him, and he has gone back to staring at the ceiling with the ponderous expression on his face. What's he thinking about? I wonder again. I turn away from him. I feel far away from him. Why's he being so serious?

"Okay. How about I take care of the house and mine and Max's stuff? Whatever money you earn is yours, so you pay for your stuff?"

I look back at him. "Really?" I smile and sit up. The covers shift, revealing the lavender lace bra I have on.

"Yeah, if that's what you want."

"And I can go to school and work and..."

"Whatever you want. It's going to be hard though. It's not like I'm a millionaire. If I miss one commission, we're fucking screwed. That car doesn't pay for itself."

"Somehow that makes me feel better." I laugh. "See, I can help. You probably just spend money, and you don't even care."

"That's not exactly what happens, but I'm not frugal either. I do like a few toys," Haru says, sitting.

"I thought the most important thing was to save."

"It is, but I have a retirement and savings. It's taken right out of my check before I even see it."

"Wow... savings, retirement? And I'm over here like, 'gee it would be really nice if me and Haru could go on a date.' Maybe you're right, I am childish."

"That's not what I meant. I'm just a little annoyed with your sporadic, I-want-to-do-it-myself rants." He sighs. "But we can go on dates. That's fine. I don't want to have to argue every time I say something that would be beneficial for us. For example, car insurance is one of those things you have to have. Why pay more? That's stupid, princess. The point is to be smart about spending money." He swallows.

"You're right. Sometimes I don't think."

"Actually, you think too much, but that's okay. I know it's because you and your mom have a weird relationship. I never want to make you feel small or inadequate. You're my other half; we are one." He sighs and turns over. "Being in love is weird for me. This is a fucking pain sometimes, but I want it--I want you. So, we should look out for one another and take care of each other. If I'm expecting anything from our relationship, it'd be that, princess. I want to feel safe, too."

I can do that. I can love him and accept him for who he is. He's told me so many times he doesn't know how to live. I'm supposed to help him live a life with joy and happiness, not contempt and anger.

"You are safe, Haru. You're right. I need to make smart decisions. You can help me with that."

Haru's distressed face turns to disbelief.

"You've never opened up to anyone like that, have you?" I pause and wait for his answer.

He stares at me.

"I know you haven't because of the look on your face. It's the same expression I have when I'm pouring my heart out to you."

Haru doesn't respond.

"I'm sorry, I probably said too much. Anyway. I do want to go on a date while we're still here." I stare at him for a while and wait for his response.

Finally, he turns and meets my gaze. "I love you so much, Summer."

My heart melts.

"I know you tell me things you'd never tell anyone else, and yeah, it's hard for me to connect with people. You're like the only woman I've ever felt close to. We can go anywhere you'd like. Do whatever you want for this date."

I smile. "Now that I think about it, who's going to keep Max?" I gasp. "I know! My mom!" I grin big, thinking I have the perfect solution, "We could go while Max is at speech therapy."

"Princess," he says, fizzling out all my excitement with his serious, hesitant tone. "I really don't think that's a good idea."

"What? Why? My mom loves him," I snap back with a neck roll. "She doesn't have to know or maybe this will be the perfect time to tell her about us... I don't know about that."

His eyes wander and his face becomes ponderous again, regretful even.

"I know I haven't talked to her a lot but--"

"I have to tell you something, Summer." Those words spill out of his mouth, as if there is a secret he has been harboring.

I gulp. "What?"

"Summer..."

"What, Haru?!" I ask, getting impatient.

He closes his eye slowly, painfully.

I step out of the bed. "What?"

"Do you remember when I got that call from your mom a week ago?"

"Yeah," I say, folding my arms.

He shakes his head. "The reason you don't pick up Max anymore..."

"Is because you got the promotion, right? "

"Right," he admits, though there is more to it as I am starting to believe. "That's what it was at first, but I don't know how to say this, Summer..."

"Just say it, Haru. What the hell?"

"Your mom kissed me."

"What do you mean kissed you?"

"She said she needed to talk to me. I went there, we talked, and laughed. And she just--kissed me."

"Did she say anything about me?" I ask.

"Sum--"

"Did she say anything about me?! Did you say anything about me?!"

"No, Summer."

"So, you're just chatting up with a woman, in close vicinity, alone?"

"It's your mom, Summer."

"Yeah, well, she already thought you were hot. So, I guess it's my fault."

"It's not your fault. How could I have known she would do something like that?"

"Did you tell her about us?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I panicked and left. Max hasn't been to see her."

"What?"

"Not since that happened."

"But--"

"We go to the park. He hasn't been there all week. He's not going back; he doesn't need to. He's fine. She did what she said she was going to do."

"Haru..."

"Hey, I've never had to walk away from someone, okay? I don't know what to do, and I didn't know how to tell you."

"Walk away from someone?"

"Yeah. Before Max, if a woman wanted to be with me, and she did something like that, she could."

"Wait, so if you weren't with me, you'd totally sleep with my mom? Gross."

He doesn't answer.

"That wasn't a rhetorical question, Haru!"

He sniffs. "You act like I didn't already tell you that. I told you who I was. I'd like to say no, but I feel like you're the one thing keeping me from destroying mine and Max's life. This is why I stayed away from being intimate with anyone."

"Did you think about doing it?"

"No, of course not. I just didn't know how to handle it. I've been feeling like you and Max would be better off without me."

"What? Why?"

"Because I said to her, 'If things were different, I'd fuck the shit out of you.' The words were out before I could think--then I panicked and left. Summer, it's the truth. I can't ever take those words back, and if you would've heard them from anyone but me, they'd sting even more."

What? He said that to my mom? He wants to have sex with my mom?

Tears roll down my face. "I'm not good enough," I whisper, feeling almost the same way as I felt back in high school, watching my friend kiss the boy who I thought was my boyfriend. "I'm wrong--stupid, again. I think we have something that we don't actually have."

"What?" Haru asks; I hear the confusion in his voice.

"You don't have to be with me. I don't want you to be with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Be with who you want to be with."

"I want to be with you."

"No. I already did this before. You're not going to win. Nobody is going to make fun of me. No one's going to take me away from myself. Not you. Not my mom."

"Summer, calm down." Haru gets out of bed and heads over to me. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not a fragile, naive little girl anymore. There's no way you're going to make me look like a fool."

"Hey, hey... princess, c'mon. Snap out of it. This isn't the same thing."

As soon as he reaches out his arms and his hands to touch me, I scream, "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Summer, c'mon. Max is awake."

"Leave me alone. I'm leaving!" I pull on a T-shirt.

Haru whispers, "Max is going to hear. Can I please try to explain?"

Pitter-pattering feet come down the hall and Haru's door opens abruptly. Max steps into the room, no doubt noticing my tears.

"What happened?!" Max shouts. "Dad, you said you weren't going to make Summer cry anymore! Don't make Mom cry!"

"Hey, buddy. So, I was just telling Summer, how much I love her..." Haru says, glancing over at me. "But she doesn't want to listen. She was thinking about stuff that happened way before you and I came into her life. You know how sometimes when you're drinking something really cold and you have a 'brain-freeze' you have to stop and let it pass before you can do anything else?"

"Yeah?"

"I think Summer sort of has a 'brain-freeze,'" Haru says, still staring at me with hope in his eyes.

He's trying to tell me something. What is he saying? If he wants to be with my mom, then just do it. "I don't have a 'brain-freeze', Max."

"You do," Haru corrects me. "You can't get passed something I said, and it's preventing you from hearing everything else I'm saying."

"It's okay, Mom. I get brain freezes sometimes. You just have to close your eyes really tight and wait until the pain goes away."

My nostrils flare as I exhale deeply.

"Max, can you go get ready? We're going to go do something today."

"All of us? The family? Me, you, and Mom?" Max's hopeful voice and the glimmer in his eyes is there, but they've done little to ward off the inadequateness I feel.

"Yeah, buddy," Haru confirms, though Max doesn't believe him.

"Mom?" a confused Max calls for me, waiting for validation.

"I can't," I admit, heading toward the door while trying to cover my crying eyes.

Haru reaches for me. "Summer, don't do this."

"Is Summer not going to be with us forever, Daddy?" I can hear the fear in Max's voice. The fact that he said, "Daddy" lets me know he's scared. He doesn't let Haru answer, and he steps in front of me before I can leave the room. His presence is just as strong and confident as his voice. "Summer! You said! You can't just leave! You're my mom. All of my mommies leave me. You and my other mommy."

The conviction in his voice is enough to turn my heart. My body freezes. I can't just leave him standing there. I kneel down in front of Max.

"Don't cry, Mom. It's okay. I can still call you that, right Summer? You don't have to go away because you have a 'brain-freeze.' I can help. Daddy can help. Please don't leave for anything. Except if you die. Then I guess we can't say anything, but if you don't die can you just stay, please? But can you not die, too?"

"Max..." I sigh, feeling less horrible and inadequate. "I... I have to talk to Daddy."

"Then we can be a family today, and you won't cry anymore? Even if you have a 'brain-freeze?'"

I smirk out of my sadness. "Yeah, Max."

"Really? Okay, I'm going to go get dressed," he says, darting out of the room.

"Brush your teeth!" Haru reminds him, closing the door.

I stand up with a sigh.

Haru's eyes glare at me, waiting for my next move. "Summer, I love you," he admits with vulnerable eyes and a convicted spirit. "I'm sorry for saying stupid stuff. I guess I'm always going to, but I do love you and want to be with you."

He said it with no pretence or hesitance. I love to hear him say it just like that. I pause for a moment. He walks over to me and places his hands on my arms slowly with uncertainty in his eyes.

"I love you." He gulps and kneels down. "Will you please marry me?"

"You don't have to do this because you think I'm going to leave you."

"You said you were leaving. What can I do to make you stay? How can I prove I want to be with you?"

"Not like this."

"This is the ultimate 'I want to be with you forever.'"

"Haru, no. Not right now. You don't even have a ring! We'll get married when we're both ready."

"So, you're not leaving?"

"No, I did freeze. I'm sorry. It just seemed like my mom was Sid and you were Jacob."

"But we're not those people."

"It was the worst experience of my life. Sometimes it still haunts me. I'm the one you want to be with, right? This is real? You're not with my mom, and I'm not aware of it? I know that sounds like a stupid question b--"

"No, I'm with you. I love you. I want to be with you. I want a family with you."

"Okay." I pause dramatically, "Then we tell my mother."

"Okay," he says without hesitation.

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# Chapter Twenty-Three: Hidden Agenda

A month passes. It is Saturday evening. Haru and I decide not only to tell my mom we are together, but also to tell her I'm moving with him. We are at my mom's house. Haru and Max sit in the living room. Max plays on Haru's phone while I prepare her favorite meal: roasted potatoes, seared green beans, and chicken breast.

I'm in the kitchen blowing gaskets and trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my mother, who thinks I'm careless and ambitionless, that I'm moving five hours away with a man and his child. I'm tense to say the least.

Okay, Summer. You have a plan. You know what your degree is going to be in. You know what college you're transferring to; I say to myself, breathing hard as the door opens, and my mother comes into the house. You can do this.

"Mr. Arima?" my mother says, looking around with a sort of smile on her face.

"Hi, Mom," I say, appearing in the living room and walking over to her. "I know this looks weird." I gulp. "So, we're here for dinner..."

"I already ate," she says, as I lead her by the shoulders into the kitchen and away from Haru.

"I made your favorite. I even let the potatoes stay in extra long like you like." I smile innocently.

My mother smiles at me knowingly. "What's all this, and why is Haruki Arima," she starts to speak louder, "who hasn't paid his therapy bill or brought Max to his sessions in over a month, sitting in my living room?"

He really hasn't been taking him.

"I have the check right here," Haru says as he comes into the kitchen.

He's still going to pay her? Psh!

"I see. Summer's not working for you anymore. Max hasn't been to any of his scheduled sessions. You haven't said anything. Did you get the promotion or not?" my mother asks, folding her arms.

"Uh, yeah. I got it. I'm moving a couple of hours away. Shorter hours, better benefits, more vacation time."

My turn. "So, Mom, okay..."

"What is this?"

"Um..." Oh, god. It's not going to make sense to her. She's just going to look at me like a little girl and think I'm stupid. I panic. I can't do it.

"Ms. Vaughn, listen, I'm just going to come out and say it. I love Summer."

My mother nods. "I see."

What the hell? Why isn't she freaking out? Why isn't she yelling at me and chasing Haru with a knife? Oh, no! She's going to kill us--she's way too calm--we're all going to die. It's just going to be her and Max, I irrationally decide.

"Uh..." Haru says out of the awkward, frightening silence.

"You going with him?" my mother says, rolling her eyes and her head back.

"Well, Mom..."

"Stop being all awkward and stuff. What is wrong with you? Max already told me everything. What do you think we talk about in the sessions?" She points her index and middle finger at us. "You two."

"What?" I ask, outraged.

"He told me how you cook them dinner, you sleep at their house, and how you were his girlfriend, but you're his daddy's girlfriend now because he likes to kiss you on the mouth. And that you're his new mom."

My cheeks burn, and for the first time, I see Haru blush.

"Mom..." I say, trying to defend the truth with a wayward lie, though one isn't coming to me.

"I knew it. That's why I kissed him. I thought he'd come clean and tell me, but no. He just ran out with his tail between his legs. You're not that kind of man."

"You don't know what kind of man he is," I defend.

My mother smirks arrogantly. "But I know you." She directs her dig toward me and turns to look at Haru. "I don't understand, Mr. Arima. She has no ambition. She's not doing anything with her life. What do you want with her? You should be looking for a woman who has as much going for her as you have going for you. What you're not going to do is use my daughter. I can only imagine how you're manipulating her."

"What?" Haru says, turning his lip up at my mother.

"She has nothing going on for her. Why do you think she's so available to you? And Summer, you should know better than to let a man take advantage of you."

I knew it. I knew she wouldn't believe I'm good enough to be with him. I cover my mouth and the tears pool in my eyes.

Haru turns to me. "You better not cry!" he says to me with a stern face. "You don't need her approval. You know who you are, and you know what your dreams are. Don't!" he orders me.

I bump into the counter and suck my tears back up.

My mother looks at Haru and unfolds her arms. "You think you can order her around like a child?"

"No, I think she's a good woman who has qualities you're suppressing. You're like this weed, choking a flower that's already more beautiful than you, and she hasn't even bloomed yet."

I watch him as he speaks to my mother with a straight face. I walk around to them and push Haru back to stand before my mother. "No! Mom, I don't think you're a weed trying to suck the life out of me or whatever Haru's talking about. I think you don't know me, and you never try to see what I'm good at or what I like. He's not manipulating me. You could never understand our relationship."

"I don't care, honestly."

"You don't care?"

"I understand Mr. Arima's point of view just fine. And yours, too. But it doesn't matter. I've already lived my life. I don't care what you do. It's fine. If he ruins your life, you can always come back. If you ruin his, and he doesn't want you anymore, you come back either way."

"You don't think I can make it on my own. You think I'd just be lost?"

"I do. Prove me wrong," my mother challenges.

"Mom..."

"We're leaving." Haru takes me by the arm. Max is oblivious to what is happening, as he sits on the sofa playing on Haru's phone.

Haru grabs Max. "C'mon."

My mother stands at the edge of the kitchen and faces us.

"You don't have to tell me anything, Summer. Just do it. I'm tired of hearing excuses and watching you do nothing. Show me. Just show me anything, really. You're going to go from spending one successful person's money to spending another's?"

"Summer, you don't have to respond. She's just going to keep insulting you. Let's go," Haru says calmly, opening the front door.

Ignoring Haru, I march back to toward my mother and stand before her. "I'm not with him for his money, and you're the one being manipulative. You're saying all this stuff because you think it's going to make me change my mind. Well, I'm not changing my mind. You think I'm not doing anything with my life? I don't care what you think. You're being childish--you're jealous. You have all this money and success, but you lied. You knew about me and Haru and you kissed him because you knew it would hurt. You tried to take the one thing that's mine. Well, you can't have him or Max, and you can't have my happiness. You may be successful, but you are a bitter, depressed person. You have no happiness outside of putting others down. And I'm not anything like you! I don't have to show you anything, you just watch me! I'm going with him."

She doesn't respond right away. Instead, she smugly stares at me with her arms folded across her chest as she leans against the kitchen's door frame.

"Of course you are."

I scoff at her and turn toward the door. As I walk away from her, declaring my independence, I reach in my pocket and pull out my car keys and my phone. "Here, you can have these." I throw them both on the sofa.

"You're so bold." She mocks me. "I can have those? Why? Because Mr. Arima is just going to buy you the replacements?"

"No!" Why doesn't she take anything I do seriously? "I will!"

"Whatever, Summer," my mother says, unconcernedly.

I turn toward the door to see Haru approaching. I feel like a failure, yet more determined than ever with Haru right there. I glare into his eyes. "Let's go."

Haru takes my hand and we walk to the car. Maybe my mother watches us from the house. Maybe she says good riddance.

I don't know because I get in the car. As Haru drives away, I'm uneasy. I don't know what my future holds, but I wonder if my mother will be a part of it.

thank you for purchasing Haruki. I am extremely grateful.

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# About the Author

Laine Watson is an American independently published author who was born and raised in the Midwest. She loves to write new adult romance and contemporary romance with coming of age themes, featuring interesting young men and innocently quirky, feisty young women.

Read more at Laine Watson's site.
