

## Travenna State University

### Travenna State University

### Daniel J. Holback

Holback Publishing

2014

Copyright © 2014 by Daniel J Holback

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2014

ISBN 978-1-304-77448-4

Holback Publishing  
108 ASH Hill Rd  
Summerville, South Carolina 29483

www.DanielJHolback.com

### Dedication

To my family and friends who were there for me and supported me throughout this new journey, thank you. To my best friends and college experience that gave me inspiration to put my story on paper, I dedicate this to you. To the young men who are struggling with anything in their lives, this is for you. I dedicate this book to all the young black men who have dreams; the young black man who firmly believes that anything is possible, this is for you, my brothers.

Thank you. Without your support and patience, I would have never achieved my dream.

### Contents

Travenna State University 3

Daniel J. Holback 3

Notes 81

# Acknowledgements

I'd first like to take this opportunity to say thank You, my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. With You in my life, all things are possible.

I would like to give a huge thanks to my family for being that support system that I needed in my life. To my grandmother Rosalie T. Johnson who has pushed me to write novels ever since my sophomore year of high school. You have always helped me when no one else has. To my aunt and uncle, Rochelle and Sean Johnson, thank you for helping to support me and giving me guidance and wisdom. To my mother, Sarah Holback for believing in me and telling me I can be whoever I wanted to be in life. Thanks mom!

To my beautiful sister Danielle Holback who was there to help me with this master piece. Thank you sis. You have always been there to support me or give me educational advice on everything.

Thank you to all of my cousins, great aunts and uncles. I appreciate you all.

To my brother and best friend, Mitchell Graham, you have been so supportive in everything that I do. I am extremely blessed to have a brother/best friend like you. You don't know how much you mean to me bro. Remember I got your back forever Meechie.

To my brother/best friend, Deshawn Castle Powell, you are one of the most incredible persons I've ever encountered in my life. I can call you whenever and just talk about my life and complain. I truly love you bro. Thank you for the support.

To my brother and best friend, Dontavious Gillison, you are one amazing bro. I remember before I met you, I highly detested you because I don't like competition, but after getting to know you for who you were, I gained a deep respect and appreciation for you. You are always supportive. I always say, it takes a special kind of friend to deal with my loud mouth and it's you. Thanks bro, I got you.

To my best bro, Darnell Washington. You was my first real friend in college. I will forever have your back. I thank you for supporting me and pushing me. I'll never forget something you told me years ago. You told me to always be the best and to never let anyone punk me. I am grateful to have a stand up brother like you.

To my fraternity, Phi Beta Sigma Incorporated, I love you deeply and Gomab to all my brothers. Thank you to my sisters of Zeta Phi Beta. Thanks for all the support from my Blue Family.

To my brother from another mother, Alex Howell. Bro thank you for all of your support. You are one of the greatest friends I have. I'm so proud of you. I will always have your back. CHS Class of 2008.

Thanks to all of the models on the cover of this book: Brandon Jones, Deonte Taylor, Christopher Sosa, Jamon Goodwin, Edward Kiser, Justin Jr. Jamal Geiger, and Tyrinn Poole.

To those I've missed, I am truly sorry. Contact me via email and I will include you in my next masterpiece. Well, I'm going to get started on another book, so I'm signing off. You are free to contact me on all social media networks at "Daniel J. Holback" or "@Jarmaralu" I'd love to hear from you all. Until next time, God Bless.

Oh Nu Nu Psi

Through hills of torment and skies of dark

Stands Love and passion close lands apart

None high, none lows can bring us down

Stands Nu Nu Psi

The greatest sound

We fight, we fight to strive for more

Dear Nu Nu Psi

Our fraternity we sore

With brotherhood, citizenship and power we seek

Flows Nu Nu Psi

The Blood in me

# Introduction

Parents want things from their children: getting good grades, graduating from High school and going to best college. Our parents motivate us to do our best in whatever we want to accomplish I life, that college is very necessary and that it is a step to fulfilling one goal prior to entering the work force. The expression of love motivates to go out and do things. Love introduces us to the truth that drive's us to be better.

We go to college with the perception that it's going to be the experience of lifetime and it is but we also learn that college is hard work and dedication. We enter with the intentions of meeting lifetime friends and having fun. I went in with the same intentions and came out thinking differently. Jacob returns back to finish is freshman year thinking that it will be fun and excitement but if you went to a HBCU like I did, you know that with fun and excitement comes drama with controversy.

Follow the story of Jacob Simmons as he goes through trials and tribulations in college life while joining a fraternity that accepts him for him while trying to maintain old friends and drama. I relate to the character of Jacob Simmons as he takes on similar events of college experience. When you read this book, take something away from it positive. If you can help someone who's going through abuse, drugs addiction or sexual assault helps them. Always be the one to help out no matter what. I regret not helping when I could.

# Chapter 1: The Invitation

It was about 8:58 pm when my bruh, Zaveon, and I were waiting for my roommate, Tyrone, to come pick us up from Monicon Hall. It was raining all day on campus and I had a lot of shit on my mind. My grades were slipping and I needed to get this gwap for the membership application for Nu Nu Psi. My nigga Tyrone said he was going to let me borrow the $250.00 for my application. I wasn't worried about the membership money into Nu Nu Psi because I was getting a refund check next week. The Nu Nu Psi brothers sent an email out to all of the candidates who attended the Interest Meeting.

I just got my email today and it couldn't have come at a worst time. The bruhs of Nu Nu Psi were the most secretive fraternity dudes on campus. They would have informational meetings whenever they want, functions for their favorites on campus and they would even scoot out who they wanted to take under their wings as big brothers. My father pledged Beta chapter when he attended Travenna State University located in Goose Creek, South Carolina. He would always take me to alumni functions with him when I was a little boy. The Blue and Yellow he would yell when he and his Nu Psi brothers got together. My bruh aka Best friend, Zaveon, and I always knew that we would be Nu Psi men. His father also was a member of Nu Nu Psi.

My father and Mr. Michaels, Zaveon's father, would always tell us that there is no greater bond than brotherhood.

"That's my duce!" My father always said while griping Mr. Michael. "Y'all will learn the grip and the call when y'all go off to college." He would tell Zaveon and I. I knew after high school I wanted to be a Red Bear at Travenna State University. I got accepted on a Friday afternoon. I stayed home waiting for the letter. I just knew I would have become a Red Bear.

The next day in class, I walked up to my bruh Zaveon, "Yoooooo yoooo I got in TSU." Zaveon replied, "Yo my nigga me too."

I think that was one of the best days of my life. Two weeks later, I received a full scholarship from the Science department of TSU. Zaveon got his full ride for football. My dude was Division II at Kavillevou High School and the best pick out of the state of Georgia. Every school wanted him, but he chose to go to TSU to fulfill the "legacy."

A Legacy member is the child, sibling or grandchild (or in some cases other relative) of an initiated fraternity or sorority member. Zaveon's older sister Ashley attended TSU so it was a big part of his family's legacy. Ashley was a sophomore at the time and she was on line for Alpha Psi Psi. I can remember going to TSU with Zaveon to send care packages to his sister. She would always say, "leave the package at the door, or if you bring it in don't give it directly to me." At the time we thought she was trippin' and acting weird, as shit, but now we know that it was a part of her pledge process. When girls are on line for Alpha Psi Psi, they are not allowed talk to guys, walk on grass nor eat, drink or wear anything Black or Pink. The girls who went against those rules usually got paid for it and I don't mean money. It was too bad that Nu Nu Psi was even worst and we paid the ultimate price..

# Chapter 2: Application & Lies

Tyrone finally arrived after 40 minutes."Yo where the hell you been at?" I yelled. He looked at Zaveon and I like we were crazy.

Then replied, "I been busy with that crazy ass bitch Keisha."

"My classmate Keisha?" I said with a puzzled look on my face.

Tyrone nodded then pulled out a blunt.

"Yo bruh, we ain't got time for that, we gotta get to Spring Lake Apartments in like 10 minutes." Zaveon said in his ATL southern voice.

"Aight aight." Tyrone replied.

We got in the car hitting 90 miles per hour on the interstate. Spring Lake Campus Apartments was only 15 miles away from the school via interstate and 25 miles driving up North East Street. Tyrone told me to go in the glove department and get the yellow envelope tucked in the side under his car registration papers.

I opened it and and told him, "Thank you bruh."

He simply nodded and replied, "no prob bruh, we bout to be Nu's yo" he yelled out in his thuggish tone while almost hitting everything in sight on the interstate.

Tyrone was also a freshman who was from Dunwoody, Georgia. He was considered the pretty boy and the "over the top" guy within our crew. He would always have the freshest gear and he talked to the baddest chicks on campus. I mean my dude was the man on the yard so it was obvious that he was leaning towards crossing Nu Nu Psi.

I first came into contact with Tyrone during the freshman class orientation. At TSU, every incoming freshman must take a placement test. It's the HBCU mandatory requirement when entering the system. Me and 240 other freshman's where divided into sections of A, B, C & D.

Tyrone and I were in section C because of our last names started with the letter "S" for Simmons and Stevens. I sat down in the near corner by the window when suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. A voice replied, "Yo do you have a pen or pencil?" I looked up to see this dude hovering over me. I replied, "Yeah bruh."

When I first seen Tyrone, I automatically thought he was gay because he had blue eyes. I mean, I thought the dude was wearing contacts or some shit. On top of that, he looked as if he was so into himself, but after really getting to know him, I realized that my perception of him wasn't true. Don't get me wrong, that nigga is a pretty boy, but he's definitely metro-sexual. Oh yeah, dude wasn't wearing blue contacts by the way. What I found so ironic about the test taking is that we both finished at the same time. When we walked out of testing, we introduced ourselves. We instantly clicked and after chatting about what we were major in at TSU and we found out that we were roommates together in Ducket Hall. We've been bruhs ever since. Tyrone and Zaveon met in an English class. One day I saw him and Zaveon in the cafe together and we all instantly became broskii's.

We pulled into the entrance of the campus apartments. Zaveon got a text from one of the brothers of Nu Nu Psi informing us to drive in front of building B4 and stay in the car until further instructions. I admit, Tyrone, Zaveon and I were scared as hell. We've heard about the things guys went through to get into Nu Nu Psi. I even heard that boy was hit by a car for wearing Nu Nu Psi colors while on line. What made us more nervous was the ticking clock in the car. Five minutes later, four more cars arrived and parked in a line behind us. One of the brothers of Nu Nu Psi came out and walked around each car. He had a paddle in his hands with Nu Psi Beta Fall 2009 on it. He looked at me and shook his head disapprovingly while walking off to the apartment door '401.' The other cars behind us were all other candidates hoping to get the chance of joining. I even saw my RA Daniel Jackson in the back seat of one car. As we looked out the window we saw two more cars pulling up. In those cars stood the other Brothers Nu Nu Psi.

All 10 of them walked out in a straight line from shortest to tallest in their blue and yellow crossing jackets. They were all line brothers. LINE BROTHERS/SISTERS are Individuals who are members of the same intake class. Almost every guy on campus wants to pledge Nu Psi, but only a few are chosen. A really tall, light skinned guy came to the car informing us to follow him. Each candidate stood on line while waiting to get to the apartment door. The Nu Brothers seemed pissed off from the jump. I was last in line because I was 6'2". Tyrone and Zaveon were in the front of the line. A brother by the name of Jermaine walked in the apartment and up stairs to the living room.

We were all told to sit on the floor "Indian style." All of the men of Nu Nu Psi stood in front of us. One of the Nu's actually lived there; his name was Cyris Pringle. He was fat, brown skinned, tall and had a loud mouth. "Y'all niggas need to take y'all fucking shoes off in my apartment!" He yelled angrily. He demanded us all to leave our shoes down stairs. We all ran down stairs to put them by the door.

"Quickly quickly," one of the Nu's said as some of us stumbled upstairs.

"Oh hell fucking no! What the fuck is that smell?!" One of the Nu's said holding his noise causing his other fraternity brothers to laugh.

Cyris swiftly got his fat ass up from his chair and yelled at us once more, "I want all y'all niggas to put y'all fucking shoes outside of my apartment!"

We were all in shock and nervous. We all ran down stairs quickly to put our shoes outside. The Nu's stood upstairs laughing. When we all got back upstairs we were interrogated one by one. There was about 40 of us in the room. Bryon Kennedy, secretary of the Beta chapter, walked back and forth around the room yelling and screaming at each of us, while the President of the chapter, Brandon Lewis, stood there walking around the room with his paddle, tapping our shoulders one by one.

I could feel my stomach falling dropping to my feet and my head feeling like it was about to explode. The intensity level in the room was not good at all. We all knew this was hazing, but it didn't matter to us. We just wanted to be in. After 1 hour of yelling at us and throwing paper in our faces, the Nu Nu Psi brothers gave us their numbers and other contact information. Lance Walker, Treasurer of the Beta Chapter, went around the room to get our applications along with the $250 fee. Cyris offered us something to eat and drink. "I may be hell. but I do feed you," he said in a friendly voice. We all passed.

As I walked out the door to get into Tyrone's car, Brando Lewis tapped my shoulder, "Yo come here for a sec" he said. "You Jacob right?"

I nodded, "yes."

"Well I want you to come around us more and get to know us," he said in a friendly way.

I asked if we were picked for membership and does the money need to be turned in that same day of acceptance?

He replied, "No, you have three days to turn the money in." He dapped me up and said, "keep it easy."

I nodded and replied, "Aight."

I was the first to enter the car, then, Zaveon and Tyrone got in.

"Yo those niggas cray as hell," Zaveon said in a serious voice.

"I know man, but we just gotta get through this bruh... we got this." Tyrone explained in low tone.

I was scared out of my mind. I started to have second thoughts about this fraternity thing. I began questioning in my mind, "Is it really worth it at the end of the day?" Then an image of my father popped into my head. I know how proud he would be to grip me at my ceremony as a Nu Psi Bruh. Therefore, not joining this fraternity was out of the question. I knew in my mind that this was only the beginning and a lightweight of hell to come... indeed, I was right.

# Chapter 3: Making a Decision

The next morning, I woke up late almost missing my Bio 105 class. I was still a little shaken from the previous events of last night. I couldn't believe how we were treated. My father warned me that I and Zaveon would get the most out of any other candidate because we were considered legacies in the origination. I knew that hazing was illegal and wrong, but I had to be a member at any cost. In Bio class, Dr. Ross was giving a lesson on cells.  Cells are the smallest unit of life that can replicate independently and are often called the "building blocks of life". He said in his raspy voice, "Any other questions?"

He muttered as he walked around the classroom. Then he decided to the let class go early.

"Jacob, I need to see you to talk about your grades in my class. Come by my office before the end of the day." He said in a serious tone.

I knew my grades were slipping and I couldn't afford to fail a course. I was on full academic scholarships and my father would kill me. After Dr. Ross' class I had one more class on Thursday, English 104. We basically went over the same thing we did last week in English. Mrs. Lanverh told us all that next week will be take an exam on "segregation.? That meant for us to study study study. After leaving English 104, I quickly hurried to Dr. Ross' office. I was nervous about what he would say. In my mind, I thought he would drop me from the course or worst, the program. I knocked on his office door. He was sitting down in his brown leather chair and talking to a staff member on the phone. He pointed at me and asked to me to take a seat. As I looked around his classroom, I saw pictures of him, degrees and a corner full of fraternity items. I never knew Dr. Ross was Greek. He was a member of Rho Psi Psi. Rho Psi Psi fraternity was founded on March 15, 1921 on the Campus of Travenna State University, Goose Creek South Carolina, and the Alpha Chapter.

The fraternity has been rooted on brotherhood, integrity and rich service. The brothers of Rho Psi Psi were known as the smart ones who cared about brotherhood and service. They paid more attention to their GPA rather than who's smashing Brieshia Ronald's in Reed Hall. After heavily evaluating Dr. Ross; office, I noticed his red and yellow line jacket on the back of his chair. After five long minutes of hearing him laugh with the staff member on the phone, he finally got off. He looked at me and smiled.

"I am little disappointed in you Mr. Simmons." He said in a strong tone. "You graduated in the top of your class and your on a full scholarship here. Why would you mess that up?"

I looked at him and said, "I'm trying to study more, I've just been busy a lot lately."

He stared at me while I talked and then said, "You do know pledging is illegal?"

I looked at him in shock. "I'm not pledging," I said while looking off at the wall.

"Mr. Simmons I'm not stupid nor was I born yesterday. I will say this only once. You are in school for a reason. Joining a fraternity is good, but education and class comes FIRST!" He continued in his deep voice. "Now I will let you make up the exams; just promise me you will study."

I nodded my head 'yes.'

Knock Knock Knock! Someone was at the door.

"Come in." Dr. Ross said.

A tall light skinned guy walked in the door. "Wassup Dr. R?" He said while going behind his desk.

"Jacob, this is another one of my students, Charles."

I knew who he was based on seeing him around campus and he was SGA President. He came over to dap me up, "I'm Charles," he said smiling.

I said, "I'm Jacob."

"You can go now Jacob and remember what I said."

I nodded and walked out. I felt very out place when Charles walked in the classroom. I ready to get out.

"Ayee yo Jacob, wait up," I heard someone say behind me. It was SGA Charles.

"Yo if you need any help or anything with the department, holla at me. Matter of fact, take my card." He said while texting someone. "Aight, I gotta head back to the office." He said while dapping me again.

I said, "Cool cool." Then, I got a text message from Zaveon saying to meet him at the campus cafe.

Zaveon and five other guys from last night were sitting at the table. "You want something to eat?" Zaveon asked me.

"Nah, I'm good." Honestly, I thought sitting at the table with the other guys was kind of lame, but I guess they wanted to form some type of brotherhood before actually getting on line.

Tyrone was at a table beside us talking to the freshman class president, Lisa Stevens. I was really ready to leave and go to my room to get some rest. It has been a long day and I didn't feel like being bothered with anyone. On the far left side of us I saw a few members of Rho Psi Psi siting down.

"Ay yo Jacob," It was Charles again. "Come sit with us."

I was confused as hell and didn't know what to do. My friends looked at me like I was crazy. Charles and his frat brother Don came over and rapped his arm around my neck, in a friendly way, leading me in the direction of their table.

"I'm Don," he said.

Don was also tall, but dark skinned. There was also two other Rho Psis' at the table, Jermaine and Rob. "This is my little homie, Jacob." Charles said to Jermaine and Rob. They both got up and dapped me. Jermaine was tall and brown skinned with freckles. He was very loud and cocky. Rob was tall and light skinned, who was all about numbers and data. I looked back and saw my best friend Zaveon looking at me with confusion. Even Tyrone stared at me. I was nervous at first, but the brothers of Rho Psi Psi made me feel comfortable. They were more rateable and had a better understanding about life and goals.

I looked back again and Zaveon and the other guys at the table were gone. The Rho Psi Psi brothers asked me many things like where was I from and what I wanted to become in the future? The nervous side of me began to go away. It felt as if I've known these guys for years. I didn't see Rho Psi Psi anymore. We talked for at least 3 hours in the cafe until it closed. As we walked to the front door of the cafe, I saw Nu Nu Psi's, Bryan Kennedy.

"You can't speak Mr. Simmons?" He said to me while walking away.

I said, "Sup."

He continued walking away. I knew I was in trouble. I knew something bad would be coming my way for interacting with the Rho's.

"Don't mind that fool." Charles said while putting his iPhone in his pocket. "I'm about to catch this shuttle and I'll see you around little homie." He said while running to the campus shuttle. Rob and Jermaine went to class and told me to keep in touch while Don stayed on campus.

"So where you off to?" Don asked me. I told him my room. He went into his phone and asked me for my number. I replied, "404-555-7322."

"Aight cool cool, I'ma send you a text for a event I'm having tomorrow."

"Aight, cool." I dapped him up. Then, I looked down at my phone seeing several missed calls and text messages from my bruhs.

I was pretty much done for the day. I just wanted to rest. I opened my dorm room door to see Zaveon and Tyrone on my bed looking at me shaking their heads. "Yo what the fuck mane, you trying not to get online or what?" Tyrone said in a heavy, angry voice. Zaveon just stood there quietly. I just walked to the other side of the dorm to put my shoes in the closet. "So you ain't got shit to say now?" Tyrone muttered.

"I'm good bruh, let's just leave it at that," I said tiredly.

"Yo, I'm not trying to do nothing, the Rhos came up to me. I didn't do shit, but sat at a table. Y'all niggas trippin'," I said while throwing my Jordans to the floor.

"Nigga fuck yo lame ass!" Tyrone yelled while slamming the door. I wanted to smack the shit outta him, but I didn't pay it any attention.

"Are you mad too Z? You saw when those niggas came to the table and grabbed me? I asked.

"Nah I'm not even mad, I know where your heart at," he said. I dapped him and told him that I'll be back in 20mins.

After a long hot shower I just wanted to go to be bed. When I walked back to the room, Zaveon was knocked out on Tyrone's side of the room. I jumped in my bed. I had a lot of shit running through my head. I was starting to question do I really want to join Nu Nu Psi, is it really for me? I got a text message from Don telling me that I'm invited to his birthday party tomorrow night at Club Levels. I told him I'll be there. Two minutes later I got another call telling me that I had an interview tomorrow at 8:23 pm for Nu Nu Psi. In my mind, I was totally fucked.

# Chapter 4: Friendships Tested

"Face-to-face communication, body language and choice tonality play a significant role and may have a greater impact upon the listener than informational content. This is considered Oral communications," said Ms. Jefferson while swinging her silky black long hair. She was a part of Alpha Psi Psi and made sure everyone knew it. I enjoyed coming to her class on Fridays. She was young, fun and knew almost everything that was happening around campus. In other classes, students would constantly look at the clock to see when the class ends but not in Jenny Jefferson's Communications class. It was almost like having a cool older sister or friend. I just wanted to stay in her class for at least another hour. I wasn't prepared to go to this interview.

After Leaving Ms. Jefferson's class I ran to my room to get dressed for the Nu Nu Psi interview that night. I only had 1 hour and 23 minutes to get dressed. As I walked in my room, I noticed Tyrone was on his side of the room getting dressed. "You ready for tonight?" I asked smiling at him.

He nodded quietly.

I didn't even pay attention to him acting like a little bitch in the corner. I just wanted to get this interview over with. After I got dressed I sat on the bed waiting for the time to pass. Tyrone stayed on his side quietly texting some girl. I tried to start small talk, but he would simply answer "yeah" or "no." I was pretty much over it. This nigga is still in his feelings about another organization approaching me. I got my brief folder and walked out the room. I would rather walk around campus than be in the room with a bitter ass hating nigga and that's what I did.

I had on my fresh black suit with a black and gray tie. My lineup was sharp as hell. I was ready to go in and then get ready for Don's birthday party. While walking across the library, I saw Charles. "Sup yo," he said to me.

I replied, "hey man."

He had on some blue skinny jeans and a black shirt with his red and yellow line jacket one. "Spring 2011 Prestigious Wise One" was on it. He looked at me and asked, "Oh so you have an interview tonight?"

I answered, "Yeah mane, you can say that."

"It's still not too late to change your mind," he said as he walked away smirking.

I went the other way to get to Reed Hall for the interview until I got a call from Nu Nu Psi's president Brandon Lewis. "I want you to get on the 7:00 shuttle and come to my apartment."

I was like, "Ummm o.k."

He didn't say anything after that and just hung up. In my mind I'm thinking that the interviews will be held at his place. I got on the 7:00 shuttle and started to get nervous. I was confused about Nu Nu Psi and I began to think that it wasn't for me. Maybe I was born to be a Rho.

After 15 exhausting minutes, the shuttle finally got to campus apartments. I knocked on the door twice and no one answered. I was hoping this wasn't a prank or some type of hazing. After three more knocks Brandon came to the door. He told me to come in and that he will only be a minute. I sat on his black leather chair. The nerves started to kick in and I was already regretting even coming to this 'so called' interview. He came back in the living room of the apartment with just a towel on. I was freaking the fuck out. The hell is wrong with this nigga. He sat right beside me and asked, "So you really want to be a Nu Psi?"

I looked at him confused and replied, "Yeah, I do."

He told me that I was an automatic pick and that I didn't have to go through any hazing to be apart. I just kept looking down because this niggas began to creep me the fuck out. Then he quickly reached towards my pants to grab my stuff. I quickly jumped up in rage.

"Yo, what the fuck are you doing?! I'm not down with that shit nigga!" I said flipping out on the living room.

He got up and said, 'My bad bruh, I thought you were down."

"Nah I'm not into niggas," I replied and rushed out the room.

I couldn't believe that nigga tried me. I've heard a lot shit about these Nu Psi niggas and canes, but I didn't think it was true.

That nigga fucked up my whole vibe for tonight. The 7:20 shuttle came just in time. I was over the whole interview. I didn't even care no more. I didn't want to be a part of something like that, I didn't want to be in competition with my bros and lose friends over this silly shit. I was over this shit. I texted Zaveon and told him I'm not doing this shit no more. He was confused and constantly kept asking me why.

He knew something was not right and that I wouldn't just quit something that fast. He replied with, "I understand." I told him to come to club levels with me tonight and like a true brother he did that. He skipped his interview and came with me. We've been bros since we were 4 years old and he knew me more than anyone else. I really wasn't in the mood to go to the party after that square headed ass nigga tried me, but I still wanted to show my face and tell Don happy birthday. I stepped in line at the door of the club.

I saw Rob and he grab me. "Nah he's fam," he said while pulling me into the club.

"You good little man?" He asked me.

I replied, "I straight."

In the corner dancing off beat and drunk as hell was Don.

"Wassup my nigaa?! This nigga right hurr is fam!" He shouted to everyone while slurring his words.

I sat down in the VIP section as I waited for Zaveon to arrive. I got a text from Zaveon saying Brandon caught him on the way here and he had to go to the interview. I replied back, "It's okay, go bruh. I'll be fine." I wasn't really focused on nothing I just wanted to enjoy my little break right now. I meet a chick named Stacie tonight and I'm really digging her. She told me she was from Los Angles, California, a sophomore and an Education major.

I told her I was from Atlanta Ga, freshman and I majored in Biology. We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways from there. I went looking for Charles and Don to tell them I was about to leave. The music in the club was bumping and I saw Don with two chicks dancing to 2 chains "birthday song."

"Yo man I'm out," I said to him.

"Nah bruh you can't leave yet we about to go to the after party down harden street," said Don slurring his word with a cup of Rho Juice in his hand.

"Nah I can't man," I said smiling.

Charles came over with his girlfriend Tara. "Yeah you coming to the after party bruh?" He asked while dancing.

I finally gave in. "Aight aight, I'll go."

In my head I was thinking maybe this was the break I needed with so much in my life that's changing. Maybe I need to just go out and have fun for one night. I got in the car with the Rho Psi Psi brothers.

It was about 10 of us in a little Honda accord. It was tragic being in that small car. In less than 10 minutes, we were at our destination. We arrived at another party at Rho House. What was so confusing and crazy to me is not knowing the Rho's had a house. This made them the only predominately black fraternity to have a house. I asked Charles, "I didn't know y'all had a house?"

He replied, "Yeah, but no one is living in it because of inspections. When we pull the next line this spring, they will have access to the house."

There was about 600 people at the party. Topless girls were everywhere. All I could see was ass and tits everywhere. Charles pulled me off to the side and asked me how did my interview go. I told him I didn't want to get into any details about it, I just didn't go. He looked at me in a serious way and said, "That's good."

I was puzzled. "What you mean?"

'You'll see." Then he started dancing when Tara came to him. His remark was stuck in my head. What did he mean by that? The party was so live. I saw another freshman in there named Kenny Mack. Jermaine came over to introduced me to Kenny.

"Jacob this Kenny, Kenny this Jacob." Jermaine said half drunk.

"Nice to meet you," Kenny said with a blunt hanging from his mouth and beer in his left hand.

I replied, "Nice to meet you too."

Kenny was cool off the rip. He wasn't into no drama or nothing. He just wanted to get drunk and party. His twin brother who popped up at the party was totally different from him. Bryan Mack was the one who didn't drink or party. He was more into starting shit with people and getting into fights.

"Jacob this is my twin brother Bryan." Kenny said. We dapped and then stood in the corner watching at the upperclassmen get wasted.

"So where you from?" Bryan asked me. I told him Georgia.

He replied, "So are we man. We're from Augusta Georgia though."

"That's what's up." I said nodding my head to the music. I asked them why they chose to attend TSU. They said that it's because the school was cheap and it was the only school they both got accepted into. I assured them that it's not where you come from, but it's where you're going after TSU.

The crazy thing about being at this party was not knowing that in the next 4 years I and twins would be closer than ever. After dancing for a little and seeing everyone have fun, I was ready to leave and go to bed. Kenny volunteered to take me home while Bryan stayed at the party because he wanted to dance with Naomi, a senior who was known for getting smashed by every football star and frat member. In the car Kenny started talking about fraternities and how he wanted to pledge Rho. I just listened as he went on and on about the organization. He asked me if I was going to pledge Rho Psi Psi. I told him Greek life wasn't on my mind at the moment. I just wanted to keep my 4.0 GPA. He nodded, "that what's up bruh." The car pulled up to my doom, I told him I'll see him around campus and went to my room. It was about 5:55 am. I went to the restroom before going to my dorm. I had to pee so bad. I almost pissed my pants getting out the car. When I opened my door Tyrone was still up in his bed watching TV.

He didn't say anything to me and I didn't have shit to say to him. I just wanted to go to bed. I kicked off my size 11 Timberlands and polo socks and jumped into bed. I woke up at 3:00 pm and Tyrone was in the room with 4 other guys that were at the Nu Nu Psi apartment hazing and shit.

"Yo man, where were you yesterday?" One of the guys said.

Before I could even say anything Tyrone fuck ass took the floor to say, "Real niggas pledge Nu Psi Psi and lame niggas skip interviews."

I looked at him with anger and said, "Chill out yo, you don't even know me like that to be talking to me dude. Chill the fuck out!" I threw on my hoodie.

"Nigga you ain't about that life, I'll fuck yo ass up!" Tyrone yelled while jumping from the bed.

The other four guys in the room thought we were playing around until Tyrone came over in my face. I looked this fool in his eyes, I wasn't going out like no punk, but dude was trying me in front of people.

"I'm in yo face nigga! I'm in your fuckin' face! Do something!" he yelled, then dude spat in my face. As soon as a drop spit landed on my face I grab him so quick by the neck, choking him then punching him in his head. It got so bad that all four of his friends couldn't get me off of him. He threw a couple of hits and busted a nigga's lip, but I was straight. Our RA, Daniel, came in to break up the fight.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" Daniel said in shock. "Y'all are supposed to be roommates and friends. Chill out."

Little did Daniel know, I was completely done with being friends or bruhs with Tyrone. Spitting in someone's face is absolutely disrespectful and I can't forgive a nigga that does that. That's like calling my mama a bitch and I just say, "Oh yeah man we're cool." Never in a million years will that shit happen. Tyrone had a black eye with blood everywhere. I went with Daniel to avoid any other altercations with that pussy as dude.

"Now you know I'm supposed to write both of y'all up if you fight in the dorms?" He said while twirling his pen. "I'm not going to do that because I know you're on scholarship and you'd get kicked out. Also, you have to stay in the room with him for the entire school term because there are no other rooms available." I stood there mad as hell. I knew if I went back in the room with that guy I would kill him. I then knew this was a test. If I could stay in the room for four more months with a grimy ass nigga like Tyrone, then I could accomplish anything. Fuck it, I probably could even fly if I put my fucking mind to it.

I shot a text to Zaveon and told him everything that went down. He was shocked, but not surprised of what I did to Tyrone. Like I said he knows me more than anyone. I've been in fights, but that's not who I am. I don't go out and start shit with other people. Tyrone had that shit coming, real talk. I met up Zaveon at the library after leaving my RA's office. He looked as if his puppy was killed.

"You all right?" I asked while examining his facial expression.

He nodded then replied, "Yes, but we ain't supposed to be fighting bruh. We're brothers."

I simply replied, "Brothers don't spit in each other's faces nor do they comment on shit that they have no clue about." I asked him about his interview. He said that the interview was just like the meeting we had a few nights ago. Each member stood outside of a classroom waiting for their turn to go in. Once you entered the room the lights came on and they began to ask you random questions Zaveon told me. They would yell and call everyone disrespectful names. The hardest part about the whole interview was waiting in line outside the classroom door. Zaveon seemed scared as hell of those boys and he wasn't even on line yet. I was a little worried for him. Zaveon was muscled, but the Nu's worked in groups; it's never one on one. I started to wonder, "would he make it through this process?" My father used to always tell me stories about his experience on line; how his line was dropped two times for hazing and how he was beaten with hammers and paddles. Gruesome stories that I can vividly picture happening to Zaveon and his LBs (Line Brothers). Zaveon said that during his interview there were a list of pre-qualified names sitting on a table. That list consisted of all the boys they wanted on line and my name was atop that list, along with Zaveon.

"Yeah, but Tyrone's name wasn't on the list." Zaveon told me not to tell Tyrone about the list thing even if I get mad. So many guys didn't have the requirement of membership, therefore, the list is not even going to be considered now he told me with his head down.

"Are you still going to do it?" He asked, looking at me puzzled.

"Nah it's not for me dawg." I said as I walked toward to trashcan to spit my gum out before Mrs. Angie came over to start bitching.

"Will you pledge Rho?" He asked as he looked up at me.

I simply said, "I don't know man. Only time will tell."

I got a text from Charles asking where I was, I replied back: I'm in the library. He told me to come out side and that he was in the front.

"Zaveon, I'll be right back. Gotta meet up with someone." I said as I looked at my iPhone.

Charles was standing on the steps with Don, Jermaine and Rob. They all dapped me up and asked me how it was going. I told them I was good and I couldn't complain thus far, just had a little altercation with my roommate. Charles went into telling me about his roommate and how they pledge different things. "We were mad cool at first. He was like a best friend to me at school." Charles said looking at me. "But shit just turned around after we got on line for different organizations. We still, to this day, don't speak nor get into each other's way." I asked him who his freshman roommate was and he looked down and pointed to the right over by the gymnasium. I couldn't believe who it was, Brandon Lewis.

# Chapter 5: Acceptance, Brotherhood & Pain

Brandon Lewis walked right over and said, "Sup Jacob." I didn't respond to him. Frankly, I didn't even want to see dude anymore. It's like he was trying to follow me around campus. I could be in the cafe with Zaveon or with the twins and he would be somewhere. The shit was really starting to get under my skin. One day after 'Word Literature' class, I went to the rest room because I was holding my pee in almost all day and guess who saw me going into the restroom? Brandon Lewis. He walked in after me and I walked to the stall on the far end.

"So we ain't cool no more?" He said grinning.

"Nah bruh, we were never cool." I said looking down trying to pee as fast as I could.

"That little incident we had, I trust that you won't say shit to no one." He said in a deep and very demanding voice.

I looked at the fool like he was crazy. "And if I decided to tell people that the president of Nu Nu Psi was trying to grab my dick what you gonna do?" I said angrily. He washed his hands, looked at me, and smiled. "Fucking fag." I said when he walked out. I swear that nigga is like obsessed with me. His girlfriend Ashley Michaels stood outside the male restroom waiting for him. I guess Zaveon didn't tell his sister that her boyfriend Brandon was a pipe lover. To be real, I don't even think she would care. She was so stuck up and all about herself. At the end of the day, she was all about image. On campus they were the favorite couple of TSU. If people only knew what happened behind closed doors.

Charles texted me, asking me to meet him at the library. When I got there, he was studying with some other seniors. He pulled me off to the side to talk about joining Rho Psi Psi. I told him I was considering becoming a member.

"I wanted to come to you face to face because I want to take you under my wing..." Charles said in a serious tone. "Rob, Jermaine, Don and I will be graduating this spring and we need strong brothers to take over the chapter's legacy. I chose you specifically because I see leadership skills in you and hopefully when you cross over, the presidential position will be there for you." He said smiling. "So you down?"

I shook his hand and nodded in agreement. For the past few weeks I've been really considering joining Rho. I liked the chemistry the brothers had and how they were supportive of everything I've done. The brothers of Nu Nu Psi were all about the visual and how people viewed them on campus. Rho Psi Psi, on the other hand, were about scholarship and brotherhood. Rho Psi Psi approached me with opening arms versus Nu Nu Psi that pushed me away.

I was happy that Charles and the Rho's were giving me an invitation, but kind of scared too. My father thinks that I'm in the process of joining Nu. I really don't know how my father would take this if I told him. He has been prepping me for years to join Nu Nu Psi. It's like I never had the chance to say I want to be this or that. Just like biology, yes, I make great grades in science, but it's not my passion. I always wanted to paint and draw. If I told my father that, he would literally die. Considering joining Rho Psi Psi and coming to TSU have been the only choices I've made in my life thus far. I texted Zaveon to see where he was at, but he didn't responded. I automatically knew he was on line for Nu Nu Psi. I wanted to tell him that he could come in stay at my dorm if he need a place to chill for a night or two since Tyrone bitch ass moved out yesterday. My RA Daniel said that he got a place at the Spring Lake off campus apartments. I guess now he'll be sucking Brandon's dick for membership. I could care less. I was just happy he was gone.

Then there was a thunderous knock at the door. Boom Boom Boom! A voice shouted, "Open up! Open up! I wondered who in the hell was knocking on my door? It was Daniel, the RA, informing me that room inspections were tonight. I checked my email to see if anyone sent me something. It was empty, but I decided to leave my inbox open. "You got mail! You got mail!" My AOL email account said as a letter appeared saying: Congratulations Jacob. I opened the letter and it read:

Dear Candidate,

On behalf of Alpha Chapter of Rho Psi Psi Fraternity Inc.,

We take great pleasure in inviting you to attend the 67th (MIP) Membership Intake Process. This activity will be held from February 14th through March 14th at the Travenna State University's Math Lab. Attached, you will find a brief overview of the (MIP) schedule as well as the Official Registration Form, Transcript Release Form, and Payment Application Form.

We are looking forward to seeing you.

Fraternally,

Brother, Charles Stewart

President

Rho Psi Psi – Alpha Chapter

Tel: +1(567)207.5922

Email: Rho.Stewart@tsu.edu

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I have basically been invited to join the fraternity through the (MIP). I didn't know what MIP meant, but I was assumed that they would tell us. My phone kept ringing as I respectively read the letter. It was Don telling me go down stairs and come outside. I didn't know what to expect. I was just hoping the Rhos wasn't going to pull what the Nu's did. Don was still in his car when I came down. "Hop in." He said as he rolled his window back up. I thought he wanted to just talk, but it was obvious we were going somewhere. We pulled out of the TSU yard and on the interstate we went. The music was blasting loud and he was nodding his head repeating lyrics from King L. ft. Juicy J & Pusha T – "My Hoes, They Do Drugs".

He kept saying that line in the song: "My hoes, they do drugs. My hoes, they do drugs. Can't trust shawty, Can't trust shawty. Cause my hoes, they do drugs." I just sat back and enjoyed the ride. The car suddenly stopped.

"We here yo," he said smiling. I didn't know where the hell we at were. It was some type of building in Charleston with no name on it. Inside the building was a huge office with this long table and about 20 to 25 chairs surrounding it. It reminded me of those business offices you see in movies like The God Father or Casino. Don sat across from me. I didn't know what this was about. Five minutes later, the door opened and a guy by the name of Jamie Johnson walked in. Jamie was a junior and a Psychology major. The word on the streets was that Jamie was at the school for six years and he just decided on a major.

Jamie was short and muscular with the biggest fucking overbite I've ever seen. That nigga looked stupid as fuck, but his shoe game was on the ones. With him came Rob. Rob greeted me by throwing up the deuces, then he sat next to his LB Don.

"So are y'all nervous?" Rob asked while smiling mischievously. I admitted, "a little," but he responded, "don't be." On the far end of the table lied seven envelopes and a package with papers in them. I didn't know what to expect now after seeing that. The nerves started to kick in. I could feel my palms getting sweaty and legs started to shake. I looked over at Jamie and he was tapping his pen on the table. He didn't look nervous at all. He looked as if he's be through this before.

After waiting for a long 15 minutes, the door appeared to open again and Kenny, Bryan and a guy named Tyrese Walker walked in to have a seat next to me. I knew the twins Kenny and Bryan Mack, but I have never seen Tyrese around campus or on campus. Tyrese was light skinned with long braids. He seemed very reserved to me and not the kind of guy I would hang around. Behind them came Charles and a junior named Ryan. Ryan was short, dark skinned with a bad audited. He was known on campus for his fights. He looked at me and frowned.

Charles had on a fresh black suit. "How is it going future red skulls?" He said while writing down information in a packet. "Congratulations to you all for having great interviews." He exclaimed smiling.

I was so confused. We didn't go through an interview process, but suddenly, it hit me, the brothers of Rho Psi Psi were interviewing us all along. From text messages to one-on-one conversations. The Rho's could have gotten as much information as they wanted out of us. Don began to speak on what's to come from here on out. He'd spoken about the $1,050 membership fee that was due in 2 days and as well as the transcripts slips that will be passed out tonight. Rob stood up next and told us about hazing. They went around and gave us all packets that we had to sign and date.

"Brother Rob will read Public ACT NO 8049, follow along." Charles said.

Rob began reading. "Public ACT NO 8049 SECTION1: Hazing as used in this Act is an initiation right or practice as a prerequisite for admission into membership in a fraternity, sorority or organization by placing the recruit, neophyte or applicant in some embarrassing or humiliating situations such as forcing him/her to do menial, silly, foolish and similar tasks or activities or otherwise subjecting him/her to physical or psychological suffering or injury. The term organization shall include any club or the Armed Forces of the Philippines, Philippine National Police, Philippine Military Academy, or cadet corps of the Citizen's Military Training, or Citizen's Army Training. The physical, mental and psychological testing and training procedure and practices to determine and enhance the physical, mental and psychological fitness of prospective regular members of the Armed Forces of the Philippines and the Philippine National Police as approved by the secretary of National Defense and the National Police Commission duly recommended by the Chief of Staff, Armed Forces of the Philippines and the Director General of the Philippine National Police shall not be considered as hazing for the purpose of this act."

After reading The Public Act NO 8049, Rob instructed us to turn to page 5. Page 5 talked about the (MIP). I paid special attention to this section because I had no clue what it was. Charles stood up and started talking about the MIP. He looked at us in a serious way and said, "During the membership intake process, activities can begin at the following designated times: Monday through Thursday, 5:00 PM – 10:00 PM; Friday, 5:00 PM – 12:00 AM (midnight); Saturday, 8:00 AM – 12:00 AM (midnight); and Sunday, 8:00 AM – 10:00 PM. Please note that no organization may conduct any membership intake-related activities during Wednesday – Sunday, March 6-17, 2012. All membership intake-related activities must take place on the main campus. Organizations wishing to conduct membership intake this semester should follow the steps outlined below. Any organization conducting membership intake activities must submit a completed packet and receive official authorization from the Office of Student Engagement before membership intake activities commence. Please note, any organization not completing this process will be considered in violation of University regulations. You now know that hazing is illegal and you will not partake in it right?"

We all said that we understood. Then, the door opened and to my surprise, it was Dr. Ross. "Hey my future brothers," he said walking in with his gators and sharp suit on. "Hopefully the brothers went over everything that will happen in the next four weeks," he said, tapping his pen on the table. Dr. Ross went around the table and introduced himself to each student. He told us he would be advising the MIP this year and that if we had any questions or concerns, call him directly. While introducing himself, Dr. Ross was also signing pages in each of our packets. He said everything needed to be perfect before it's sent to headquarters. He came up to me and pat my back. "I'm proud to see you here Mr. Simmons." When he said that I then knew I was in the right place. After all the paperwork and signatures were in, me and the other guys began to exchange numbers. Charles explained to us that we should always be in touch with our s. Dr. Ross told us he had to hurry home to be with his wife and that he would see us around campus. Charles told us all to stand up. He started lining us up from shortest to tallest. Kenny was 1st, Bryan 2nd, Ryan 3rd, Jamie 4th, Tyrese 5th then me, 6th.

"Kenny, you're the ace of the line, Bryan is the Deuce, Ryan you're the Tre, Jamie is the Quad, Tyrese you're the Five and Jacob you're the Six, Time keeper." Charles said.

So much was running through my head at that moment. I was just ready to leave to go get my transcript the next morning. The Rho Psi Psi brother's dapped us all up and escorted us to the cars outside. The car ride back with Don was interesting. He was opening up more and telling me about his mom and father who was in jail. He also informed me that he would be a father in the next 4 months. I enjoyed talking to Don. He was very down to earth and highly educated. As Don continued to ramble on about life, I noticed my iPhone was off. I turned it back on and there were 10 unread messages from Zaveon.

I quickly replied back: Are you ok bruh?

I was surprised at how swiftly he replied back: Nah bruh, I need to talk to you. I'ma be in your room in 30 minutes.

I replied: Kool I'm on my way back to campus now.

I automatically knew something wasn't right with Zaveon. When I got back on campus and walked to my room, I could see Zaveon at the door waiting for me. He had on a black hoodie, black sneakers and some black jogging pants. I tried dapping him up, but I noticed his hands were in his hoodie pocket the whole time. He sat on the empty bed in front of me and held his head down. "I'm scared bruh, I'm fucking scared out of my mind yo." Out of all my years of knowing Zaveon, I've never heard him say that he was scared of anything. I knew then the situation was just that serious. He looked up at me and started crying. My stomach dropped as I've never seen my best friend cry like a little child. Zaveon's eyes was bloodshot red and he had marks all over his face. I could tell he hasn't eaten nor slept in at least 2 weeks. Zaveon told me that he couldn't text back because he was being monitored by the Nu's. I looked at Zaveon as he started shaking.

"Bruh, do you need to go to the hospital?" I asked him, but he said, "No, I can't go."

"Let me see his hands then."

He slowly pulled out his hands from the black hoodie and the visual of his fingers made me nauseous. The fingers on his right hand were broken and extremely crooked. You could even see the bones popping out of them. I told him this wasn't cool and that he needs to call the authorities and go to the hospital ASAP, but instead, he jumped up and started yelling. "No I'm not fucking calling nobody! Just leave me the fuck alone! I'm out of here nigga." Zaveon angrily walked out and slammed the door behind him. I tried calling him back, but I was sent to voice mail. I didn't know what to do. I was faced with questions like should I report this or not? Would Zaveon be mad at me if I did? So many things were going on all at once. It was hard to sit down and think. As I paced back and forth around the room, I noticed something that was devastating. There was blood on the bed in the spot where Zaveon was sitting. I put my hands on my head and just looked at the floor, puzzled on what to do.

# Chapter 6: Timing

I couldn't sleep that night at all. I still had the gruesome images of Zaveon's hands in my head. I wanted to know if he was really "okay." Zaveon and I got into only 1 fight and that was in middle school over a girl that was playing both of us. I didn't understand him and why he was letting Nu Nu Psi Punish him like that. I think he's still seeking acceptance from his father. Even though he and his father were close, they were still very distant. Zaveon wanted to sing and preform, but his father insisted on living his dreams through Zaveon. His father was into sports and he joined Nu Nu Psi during undergrad. Zaveon wasn't anything like his father. I don't even think Zaveon knows that.

The next morning, I got out of bed and headed to the records building to pick up my transcript. One thing I can say about the student records building is that your time doesn't matter to them. They process things when they want. The lady at the desk was rude of course and caught an attitude with me, but I let it slide because I was ready to turn my whole packet in today. I had just enough to cover my membership fees from my savings account. I was extremely happy I didn't have to ask my father for anything. He didn't even know I dropped out of Nu Nu Psi and I was not ready to tell him. I sent a text message to Zaveon telling him to call me when he got a chance. I didn't want to be that friend who wasn't there or didn't have his back during this time period in his life. After leaving the records building, I decided to hit Bryan and Kenny up.

Bryan and Kenny didn't live on campus. Their parent's rented them a little pent house in Summerville by the lake for the semester. The twins had money and I mean money. Correction, their parents had money. I tried calling them both, but no one answered, so I went to the cafe alone. In the cafe, I saw Tyrese Walker. This was the first time I've ever seen dude on campus. He had on gray fitted jeans, a New York Yankee fitted cap, and a checkerboard hoodie with vans.

I yelled out, "Yo Tyrese, what's good my nigga?"

He dapped me up, "Nothing much my dude, coolin'." He exclaimed as he pulled his headphones from his ear.

I asked if he was going to sit down and eat and he said yeah. I told him I'll go upstairs to find us a table since all the tables down stairs of the cafe were taken. Tyrese nodded and went into the pizza line. I grabbed a sandwich upstairs. I found an empty table and put my stuff down so I could go downstairs to get me an orange soda. As I went downstairs I saw my old roommate, Tyrone, coming upstairs. He was with a few guys that were on line with him for Nu Nu Psi. I maintained tunnel vision as if he wasn't there. He, of course, stopped and looked at me like he wanted to say something. "I hate that nigga! Ha ha ha!" Tyrone said to one of his LBs as I walked passed them. I wasn't in the mood today to sneak that fool in the cafe. I was more focused on school and making it through this MIP process. I went to the soda line and by my surprise Ryan came over and dapped me up. "Where y'all table?" He asked with two plates in his hand. It was obvious that he met Tyrese in here also.

I told him, "Upstairs to the far right, next to the stairs. I have a sandwich and my gray back pack up there as well." He went upstairs to find the table, meanwhile, Tyrese was behind me getting a soda. I looked at his plate and was like, "Damn nigga! When was the last time you ate?!"

He smiled and said, "Chill the fuck out nigga."

We both walked upstairs. As we got towards our table, I noticed Tyrone and his brothers pointing and talking about us. It didn't bother me at all. These lame ass niggas need validation and I had no time to play games with Tyrone's sensitive ass. At the table, I noticed Ryan eating extremely fast.

"You good?" I said smirking. While he tried to stuff a spoon full of rice down his throat, he kept saying, "I'ma be late." He had a 3:00 class and it was 3:10. He was already late for his freshman seminar class.

"Dude you're late as hell." I said looking at him.

He jumped up quick with a mouth full of food, muffling. "I'll holla at y'all later." Then he left. I could hear loud talking approaching the upstairs area and I knew it was girls. I saw Britney Lace and Ashley Michaels making their way upstairs. I didn't want to speak to Ashley because she was a complete bitch, but of course she came over to bother me.

"Hey JaJa," she said smacking on gum while trying to talk.

"Sup ash," I replied. "When's the last time you talked to Zaveon?"

"Three weeks ago," she said all nonchalantly while playing with her nails. "Oh and I know what you're doing." She had a smile on her face that turned into a grin.

Her sidekick bitch ass friend, Britney rolled her eyes and said, "Mmhmm hmmmm." Tyrese looked at me and started smiling.

"Ashley what the fuck are you talking about now?" I said, wrapping my pizza up in a napkin for later.

"Oh, I know that you and this little guy right here are on line for Rho."

I tried to cover it up really fast by saying, "Nah, nah, you wrong once again." I couldn't even look her in the eyes.

"You can't lie to me," she said snapping her fingers, "The Rho's are our brothers so we know everything."

I looked at that bitch and said, "Bye Felicia."

Tyrese bust out laughing, "Nigga you stupid!"

She looked at me then she and sidekick bitch #3, Britney, left. I didn't like Ashley and the only reason I put up with her is that she's Zaveon's older sister. She and I also have history together that I never talk about. She and I had sex her senior in high school. I was only a sophomore and it wasn't supposed to happen like that. That spring break of 2009, she told me to come over to help her with some project for 'Chemistry.' I told her I would and to give me 10 minutes. Zaveon was in Myrtle Beach with the football team for camp. I went over anyway knowing that it would be bad. Her father and mom weren't home. They were at some resort in the Bahamas. She invited me in her room. She started taking off her clothes as soon I sat down and then the only thing I can remember is being naked on floor with me inside her. We swore to never speak on it ever again. I never told Zaveon either. We were best friends so how would I sound saying "Oh yeah, by the way, I smashed your sister when you was out of town?" I don't think I will tell him. It's something that I truly regret. I think that's another reason why we don't get along nor is it comfortable to be around her. Tyrese looked at me and said, "You must not really like her," and smiled. I told him that she's my best friend's sister and we never really got along. He looked at me and said, "I understand." He told me about his best friend who went to USC and how he didn't get along with his sister. He went on to telling me stuff about his mom and how he never knew who is father was. I was starting to get a really good vibe from Tyrese. He didn't seem self-centered of stuck up anymore. They always say, "Don't judge a book by its cover." The only thing I could say about him that I found quite different was his interest. He wasn't into sports or rap music. His favorite singer was Beyonce' and he loved fashion. I didn't think anything of it for too long because he just seemed like a cool ass dude to me.

While Tyrese was talking, I texted Zaveon to see if he wanted to come to the cafe. He didn't respond. I was starting to think this was the beginning to the end of a long friendship that started from childhood. We're like brothers and I don't want anything to come between that. Tyrese came with me to my room to fill out his packet. I sent a text out to Jamie, Kenny and Bryan so that they could meet up with us.

"You're missing Ryan?" Tyrese said laughing.

I looked at him and said, "Hell no..." with a smirk on my face, "Ryan is crazy as hell!"

Tyrese kept saying, "We don't know that. We gotta get to know him and not go off what everyone else says."

Tyrese was right. Why judge someone we don't even know? I was willing to give Ryan a chance, but if his ass started something he was outta of my room.

Tyrese texted Ryan as I started to print out another application from the fraternity website for Bryan, who lost his. ONLY Bryan would lose something he just got last night. Kenny and Bryan came into the room, loud talking about sneaking in Reed Hall to smash some chicks. I was laughing because every guy who tried to sneak into Reed got caught. Last week a dude try to avoid a $25 room fee by jumping out of the 11 story building. He was stupid as fuck because he ended by having two broken legs and a broken collarbone. I only knew one boy that got away with it and that was Quintin Gillmore. Quintin was the man around campus already and he was only a freshman. The word on the streets was that he smashed every chick in our freshman class. Crazy thing about it is that many say he smashed multiple upperclassmen too. He played football and the girls around here would do anything for a football player. I told Kenny and Bryan good luck with that.

Five minutes after K&B, Ryan came in. He didn't seem as angry and mean as last night. I'm guessing something happen before coming to the meeting. He was outspoken and smart as hell. He told us that Jamie was at work and that he'd try to meet us after. It was so weird because no one knew he and Jamie were roommates. I noticed something about Ryan that the other guys started to catch onto as well, he had information on everybody. If you wanted to know something about a girl or boy around campus, go to my bruh Ryan. He had news on everyone at TSU.

"Don't let these bitches fool you acting like they're innocent and shit," he said balling up a paper and shooting it in the trashcan. "These bitches on campus are thirsty as fuck. They only care about status and what kind of car your driving." He said in a serious tone. Then he warned us, "And watch out for the fucking football players. Those niggas be the main one's saying 'I got bitches' and shit, but be fucking niggas in the ass."

When Ryan said that, I started laughing. He has to be lying and then Kenny said something. "No for real, he's right." He looked serious. "My RA in Penson Hall tried me the first week. Dude came in my room for room inspections and just started acting all gay. I told him I wasn't down like that and he said aight. Niggas be down low like a mothafucker at TSU." Kenny said laughing.

I was shocked! Zaveon is a footballer, but I know he's not gay at all. As they kept going on and on, I started to notice how uncomfortable Tyrese was getting. He turned away to type and he continued to type on his computer.

"I got some bitches coming by the place this weekend, y'all down?" Bryan said.

Ryan jumped up, "Hell yeah!"

I nodded, "I'm down."

"You coming by?" Bryan said to Tyrese. Tyrese became very nervous shaking his pen and legs.

"Yeah just let me check my schedule, I'll get back with you," he said biting his nails. Tyrese was definitely acting weird, but it didn't bother me. We probably said something stupid.

We all finished our packets and had our money. This was good because we could all turn it in at the same time. I thought it was great that only on the 2nd day the bruhz and me were starting to bond and get along. Tyrese called our DP, (Dean of Pledges) Charles, to inform him that we all had our packets filled out with the money and Jamie will be running a little late. Charles told us to meet him in front of the library so he could collect them. I couldn't believe he wanted us to meet him I front of the library in front of all those people out there. Everyone one on campus knows that the front of the library between 9:00 pm to 12 am is the hot spot for people who live on campus. Greeks and everyone are always out there. Whenever I don't have anything to do on campus, which is rare, I'll go sit on the top steps of the library and chill.

The weather was always cool and we always had a great time there. Charles was sitting on the top steps in front of the library. "What's up my boys?" he said smiling while looking at some girl far away. Tyrese gave him the brown envelope with our applications fees. "So everything is in here right?" Charles asked. We all nodded 'yes.' It was obvious that Charles didn't want no one to know we were about to be on line so he ended the meeting quickly and said that he had to go. People were staring at us so I was guessing they already knew what was going on. Everybody knows that if you're on line at a HBCU, everyone on campus will know, and I knew keeping this a secret at TSU was going to be a hard task. Charles told us the people who should know that we were on MIP was our parents, the school and headquarters. I was good at keeping secrets so this too would be one of those secrets that I will take with me until I cross over.

# Chapter 7: The Process

It's been 3 ½ weeks since I've had a conversation with Zaveon. I've been busy with this MIP for Rho Rho Psi and trying to maintain my grades. I called Zaveon for the first two weeks and texted him, but no response. So I basically gave up talking to him. I deleted his number out of my phone and no longer wanted to talk to him. I guess all things happen for a reason. Today was last class for our MIP process. Bryan, Kenny, Ryan, Tyrese, Jermaine and I became extremely close over the past 3 ½ weeks. We all went to breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We all studied together and hung out together on and off campus. The crazy part about hanging out with my LBs on campus was the attention we got from the other students watching us chill. A lot of people on campus were starting to notice us. You could even hear whispers on campus saying, "Oh yeah, those the new Rhos coming out." People even came up to me to ask if I was on line 'pledging' and I simply replied, "Nah, I'm just a freshman." Rho Psi Psi is the only fraternity on campus with permission to intake freshmen and the other fraternities are banned from doing so. I just found this information out last week in one of our MIP classes. If freshmen are caught during the process, that could render suspension of the organization.

My Line Brothers and I met up at the fraternity house to talk to Charles. Charles was standing on the front porch sitting, waiting for us to arrive. He stared at us and told us to walk in behind him. We were confused and kind of worried. Charles had this mean look on his face. I've never seen him in this mood. The house was dark so we couldn't see anything. The only thing I could remember is being pulled and having my eyes covered.

"The brothers of Rho Psi Psi want to welcome you to initiation." Charles said.

The bothers had on Red robes and each member had a candle. My LBs and I had on yellow and white robes with white candles in our left hands. The white robes represented purity, interest and wisdom. Brother Jermaine pulled each member to the center floor of the basement. We sat down in Indian style while the Rhos made a circle around us. The Rhos had red candles in their right hand and black candles in their left hands.

Brother Charles stood up, "Oh brothers of Rho Psi Psi, do thee accept the interest of willingness on the invited.?" All the brothers said, "I." Charles told us to repeat every word after him:

"I swear to keep the fraternity secrets hidden from society, I swear to bring light unto my fraternity, I swear to bleed blood for my fraternity, I swear to keep the fraternity values and morals until the day I die."

Charles then said, "Who have wish to not deliver those commands are welcome to leave."

None of us left. We all stood there with our candles. Charles told us all to hold our right hands out. The wax from the black candle represented sacrifice and death. Each member poured drips of wax on their left hands. The wax was streaming hot.

The member circled us again blowing each of our candles out again. The room was dark and I was scared as shit. Brother Pringle aka Rob stated singing the fraternity hymn:

"Rho Oh, Oh Rho,

We pledge to thee,

In unity our souls we strive,

We will survive,

The red and yellow our greatest pride."

"You are all brand new now. Your old identity, your old selves are now replenished." Don said as he passed the red candles to us, lighting them. A deep voice then said, "You can take the blind folds off." Standing in front of us was Dr. Ross. He had on the Red Robe. He walked by each of us one by one and blew out our red candle saying, "You are now a member of Rho Psi Psi. Hearing those words made me feel good as hell. The lights of the basement came on and the brothers were all smiling.

"Y'all niggas made it!" Charles said, smiling.

My LBs were too happy, "Yo lets go party!"

"Nah," I said, "Are we having a probate?"

Dr. Ross looked at us and said, "No, we can't, the organization doesn't allow probates because of hazing incidents.

Charles chimed in, "Y'all still have time to go to the cafe and show off y'all letters. We can party tonight."

I thought it was a good idea because the cafe is usually packed during this time, but we didn't have any jackets I explained to Charles.

"Yes y'all do." He smiled pulling out two big boxes in the corner. In the box were t-shirts, boots, jackets and Rho Psi Psi backpacks. The Crossing Jackets were dope as hell, they had our chapter and line names on there with our numbers.

My line name was "File Case," because I was the brother that kept my line together. Everyone was like files and I was the case that kept all the information on my line. Kenny's line name was "Rude Boii," because he would listen to reggae like almost every day and the bruhs started calling him "Rude Boii." Bryan was called "Temper Tankan," because he would go into flip mode on anyone who makes him upset. Ryan was known as the "Listener" on line, so his line name was "Wise Listener." Jamie was always late during our process so the bruhs called him "No Time Management." Tyrese was the quiet one of us all with long hair and was always dressed to impress, GQ Style, so the bruhs called him "Mysterious Pretty Boi." We all had on black jeans so this was good for us to go to the cafe with our jackets on. I'm not even going to lie, I felt like a kid receiving my pin and crossing jacket.

The Fraternity Red Skull in yellow lining on the jacket stood out. "We 'bout to turn up!" Kenny yelled. All of us was to hype. We got in the car and drove to the campus. Today was one of those days I would remember til the day I die. We got to the cafe and it was packed, us Neo's stayed in the car while Charles, Rob and Jermaine went into the cafe to clear a space for us to eat. Don was telling us that when we go in there we had to represent. I knew we were about to stroll. Rob sent a text to Don telling him to let us come in. We locked arms and put on our black Ray Bans.

"Oh, oh oh, oh oh," we sung to our four founders of Rho Psi Psi. Everyone in the cafe stood up yelling. We felt like celebrities.

All attention was on us and it felt good. We stepped and we strolled. I could see Brandon Lewis in the soda line looking at us. We all took off our shades and the crowd was shocked then applauded more. Brandon Lewis stood there with an angry expression, looking at me. I didn't even give that nigga none of my attention. After turning up the cafe for 20 minutes we decided to eat. We always eat upstairs, so I had to go downstairs to get the food. Brandon Lewis was in the line and I tried my hardest to avoid him, but everyone knows that Mrs. Brandon Lewis was a little Queen that needed attention.

I stood in the back of him checking my Instagram. He turned around, "Oh Mr. Jacob." I ignored him. "Oh so you decided to pledge that I see. Ha ha ha!" He said smiling at me. "Do your LBs know you was trying to suck my dick?" He said smirking.

I gave him an incredulous look, "You're a fucking liar! I would fuck your gay ass up nigga. Don't push my buttons nigga." I kept laughing and said "I'ma tell everybody." I was so heated, I couldn't believe this bitch ass nigga is trying to start rumors on campus about me. The only thing I can remember is seeing blood everywhere on the cafe floor and screaming.

# Chapter 8: Real V.S. Paper

My frat brothers ran downstairs to see what had happened. I took a glass plate by the spoons and slammed it across Brandon Lewis' face. His brothers ran up, but Charles jumped in between.

"Yo yo, what the fuck happened" He asked, grabbing me and taking me outside the cafe.

"I'ma fuckin' kill you bitch! I'ma fuckin' kill that nigga, I swear to God!" Brandon kept yelling as Don and Charles rushed me to the car. I wanted to stomp that nigga. I kept jumping up and trying to get at that nigga to handle my unfinished business.

Charles grabbed my face, "Nigga chill out!" He said looking at me seriously.

"Yo, Don take him to his room." Charles went back in the cafe to settle things and make sure campus police wasn't on their way. Don took me to my room and sat there with me until I calmed down.

"Yo, why yo ass slammed that plate in Brandon's face? You could of seriously hurt him or worst, kill him. What did he say to you?" Don asked, looking at me in shock. I told him that Brandon was trying to spread false homo rumors on me. "And you let pitty shit like that get under your skin my nigga?" Don asked rhetorically.

"When I was a freshman people said I was gay because me and my best friend were very close. Yo, you can't let petty shit like that get under your skin. You gotta just ignore these niggas. You a Rho now, so you gotta deal with a lot of childish shit on campus. Just chill out bruh." Don said, patting my shoulder.

I looked at him and nodded my head, "you right, you're right!"

" Are you good? Do you need anything? He asked.

I told him no and that I'm fine. He told me that Charles texted him and said the police didn't come nor did Brandon press charges. Brandon was okay and only had a busted lip and a cut on his face.

"Call me if you need anything." Don said as he walked out the door.

I can't believe I let that nigga drive me to this point. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was starting to lash out at people for no reason at times. Even though Brandon initiated the fight, I still felt bad and I knew my father would be disappointed in me. I still haven't told my father that I pledged Rho Psi Psi. I figured that tonight would be the best time to tell him the truth, so called him. My dad picked up the phone and by the tone of his voice I knew he wasn't happy already.

"Hey pops," I said in a low tone.

"What do you want boy?" My father said in an heavy dark gritty tone. I know I haven't spoken to my father in over 2 months, but I'm thinking that he would be proud to hear from me knowing that I was extremely busy with school work etc.

"Are you ok pops? I asked in a concerned manner.

"Don't you bullshit with me boy! Zaveon already told me what you been up to on that damn campus. You are a disgrace to my family's legacy."

My heart dropped down to my stomach. My father has never spoken to me in such a derisive way like that before. My father has never told me I was a disappoint to him or to our family's legacy. I felt neglected. He kept on talking, but I hung up the phone. I turned to my pillow and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I woke up feeling terrible. Not in the terms of sickness, I was just over the day before it even started. I couldn't stop thinking about the fight in the cafe and the argument my father and I had. I couldn't believe Zaveon would talk to my father before I did. That shit was totally out of line. That wasn't his business to tell my information. I wasn't comfortable informing my father about joining Rho Psi Psi, but it was my place to tell, not his. I began to become angry all over again. I wanted to punch Zaveon in his face. He's worse than Brandon Lewis in my eyes. I couldn't believe I trusted that nigga. It's true about what they say about friends. Those niggas will rat you out the fastest. I was officially done Zaveon, our friendship was over for good. Yesterday was supposed to be one of the greatest moments of my life in undergrad, but it turned out to be horror. I wanted to stay in my room all day. I didn't want to walk around campus nor did I want to talk to my LBs.

Charles texted and called me, but I ignored it. This was my first time ever ignoring Charles calls or texts. I felt bad, but I just needed some time alone. I didn't want to be bothered nor did I want to talk. I got on the web to check my Facebook and email. My wall feed had almost student around campus congratulating me on crossing the Spring line of Rho Psi Psi. Inside, I was appreciative of the Facebook love, but on the outside I was still angry.

Blop Blop Blop! I got a message on Facebook. It was somebody that I just didn't want to talk to ever, Brandon Lewis!

"Thanks for throwing a plate at me. That was such a bitch ass move. It's ok, just come out of the closet. You will never love yourself until you do," he said sending a smiley face. He kept writing me. "I'ma expose you nigga for who you really are, paper Greek ass. I'll burn yo ass nigga," he said.

I told him, "Nigga I'm more real than you will ever be. There's no paper over here."

I can honestly say, he was only right about one thing and that was me being paper. I told him to "fuck off" and I went on his page to block and delete him. This dude was starting to become obsessed with me. I wasn't cool with Brandon nor have we ever been friends. The only thing I know about him is that he's a fruitcake that date's Zaveon's sister, Ashley Michaels. Ashley knows he's fucking boys around campus, but it doesn't faze her. She's just with him because of his status on campus, money and family name. Now, Ashley's no angel either. She fucked all his Line Brothers and they all talk about how they smashed Ashley every weekend when Brandon leaves town to play ball with his male friends.

The paper thing still stuck in my head. Paper is a term used to identify a Greek fraternity or sorority member who didn't pledge. This person became a member through either an intake process, or by joining a graduate/alumni chapter. "Real" is a term used to identify those persons who underwent the pledge process. During the pledge period, they learn rituals, secrets, history, and tests of brotherhood & sisterhood through the teachings of the dean of pledging.

My Line Brothers and I had this conversation with Charles and Don about being called "paper." Charles told us that there were ways to avoid talking about our process or we could just fake it. Charles' line was hazed and they do consider themselves as "real." The crazy thing about this epidemic is that the quote on quote "real" Greeks think that they're better than other members who haven't been brutally beaten. Even our conversation with my Lbs compared to Charles line were absolutely different.

They always talk about their process and how long it took them to get off line. "Six months, one week, two days, two hours, thirty minutes and twenty-four seconds." They even talk about the pre-pledging process that lasted one month, one day, twenty-three minutes and six seconds. Don would always talk about certain tricks and mind games the pledge brothers would play on them. My favorite one he mentioned was called knocking on wood aka knocking the door down. There would be a door in front you and you would have to knock it down. He would tell us how many of his "pre-pledge" LBs would run into the door to knock it down.

This was so simple, but they weren't thinking at all. They forgot that these were just mind games. The solution to knocking the door down was walking up the door then knocking, with your hand, from the top of the door to the bottom of the door. Charles had a story about running to Walmart at 9:45 to get 45 red and yellow hangers, but they had to be equal. My LBs and I had no stories about being on line. The only thing we could say was that we studied information, partied, and hang out with bitches on the weekends. That was our process. I was a little upset about not being hit. There is this epidemic about being hit on line. Being hit aka "being made," means that you've earned your letters. I stood there wondering how it would be if we did get hazed. How long would it have lasted and would I have made it through to finish line? I slammed my laptop down and got back into bed and fell back asleep.

# Chapter 9: Regret, Secrets & Lies

It's been a week since I've seen or talked to my fraternity brothers. I just wanted to focus on my classes and forget about a lot of things. Most guys, when they join fraternities on campus, dress up in paraphernalia every day, but I didn't. I would just walk to class with my black hoodie and loafers on. I was too stressed to dress up or even talk to people. I called my mom for some money because I was tired of eating Ramen Noodles in the dorm. My mom was in her normal friendly mood. We talked for a good 20 minutes on the phone. She asked about my grades and my fraternity. I enjoyed having those talks with my mom. I really wish my dad would at least reach out to me. He was still mad at me for joining Rho Psi Psi and I get that I betrayed him.

I didn't want to, but I couldn't see myself being a member of Nu Nu Psi. My mom told me to just give him time, he will eventually come around. My mom told me that she would put $260.00 dollars into my checking account and send me some socks in my campus mailbox. My mom was so weird always sending me socks and underwear. After the conversation with her, I just stood by the window of my dorm room and looked around at the campus. The campus was actually beautiful, but with so much drama and gossip on campus, I don't think students never really get the chance to look at the campus and its' rich history. I decided to just walk around the campus and around the city.

All day I walked and walked looking and observing things and people. It then became night outside and I knew it was time to head back to campus before they closed the gates for tonight. As I was walking toward the campus I saw Line Brother, Tyrese, getting out of a car with someone. I crept up behind the car to see who it was and what was happening. In front of the university by the gates, there's a parking center. The car drove towards the parking center. This just seemed strange and not right. I followed the car as it parked in the parking center. The parking center was pitch black and usually a place for hoes and niggas to fuck at night if they can't sneak in the dorms. This was confusing to me.

Tyrese didn't seem like the type to ever be caught in the parking center this late. I needed to get to the bottom of this. The car was black with the letters "BMW" on the trunk. The car seemed very familiar and I was hoping it wasn't who I thought it would be. I saw Tyrese's head moving up and down and up and down. I stood in shock.

I didn't know Tyrese was really gay. Maybe I was just seeing things. Maybe I was just over thinking this. Maybe Tyrese was picking up or trying to find his android phone in the dark. There had to be an explanation to this. I stayed hidden behind a new Jeep Liberty, watching the car and trying to hear them. Who was that mystery person in the car? After two minutes of standing on the side of the Jeep, I decided that it was wrong to snoop on Tyrese. This was his life, not mine, but before I could even walk back I heard yelling. "You don't care about me, you're a liar!" It was Tyrese crying and yelling at someone. But who was it and why? Tyrese opened his door still crying and yelling. The other person in black was yelling at him calling him a "bitch."

I then knew this was real and I confirmed that Tyrese was gay. The other voice indeed was an man. The voice sounded so familiar, but I wasn't sure because of the echo in the parking center. It was obvious that we were the only ones in there. The tall man in black walked up to Tyrese saying, "Oh, so you don't love me? I could lose everything fucking with you!"

It was so dark, but the lighting on their phones made it easy to see, but I could only see Tyrese because the other guy was smart about trying to hide his identity.

"I'm done with you," Tyrese said in a girl like tone. "I'm exposing yo ass to the hold campus." The tall man started pacing as Tyrese went on and on. Then suddenly he ran up to Tyrese throwing his body toward the walls smacking him in his face.

"Don't you ever disrespect me bitch! If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even be a member of my fraternity!"

I began to get worried and confused. Who was this man? It was obvious he was a member of our organization. So many things were running through my mind. In my head, I was thinking he was probably an alumni member or a member from a different chapter. You could hear the smacks from the man's hands onto Tyrese's face. I wanted to do something, but I stood in shock.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Tyrese yelled, begging the man to stop choking him.

I pulled out my cellphone just in case I needed to call 911 or campus police. He finally stopped hitting him. Tyrese fell to the ground crying.

The man yelled at him to get in the car. I wanted to see this man's face to at least identify who he was. Tyrese refused and tried to run away, but the man grabbed him and dragged him to the car.

"Stop it Charles! Stop please! You're hurting me!" Tyrese yelled, fighting not get in the car.

My jaws dropped and stomach swirled. I mumbled to myself "It can't be, this can't be true." Maybe it was a different Charles. Tyrese finally gave in and got in the car.

My phone was on vibrate so I texted Charles: hey bro where u at? Less than three seconds later, the man's ringtone went off and it gave me the confirmation that I needed. Charles was gay. The car cranked and sped out of the parking center. It all made sense to me now. Charles and Brandon were more than just roommates their freshman year. They dated each other. It was all too confusing to me. I didn't want to believe this. I even wish I never heard any of this. I started to walk back to my dorm.

As I walked up the steps I got a text message from Charles saying he was in a meeting and how was I. I told him I was cool and I'll talk to him later after my homework. I really didn't want to talk to him to be honest. He was a fraud in my eyes, just like Brandon. If you are gay just admit to being gay. I'm not gay, but I support my brothers who are.

I still couldn't believe what went down tonight. I was beginning to think no one was who they said they were at this school. Everybody here had secrets and stories. The next day, I decided to at least reach out to my Lbs, Kenny and Bryan. We all meet up at the pizza place downtown, away from the college. Bryan was with his girlfriend Monica while Kenny was on his phone checking notifications.

"Did anyone hear from Jamie or Tyrese lately?" A cold shock went through my body, as I stood looking at a waiter on the other side of the restaurant. "Are you ok?" Kenny asked looking at me in a puzzled way?

"I'm okay." I lied, shaking my legs under the table. "I haven't seen them."

"Oh, I know Jamie is in NC at his baby mama house and Tyrese is probably shopping." Bryan said laughing. All the while, in my mind, I knew Tyrese wasn't shopping. Tyrese was probably stuck at Charles house getting beaten.

"Yo, y'all, I heard those Nu Nu Psi's coming out tonight in the gym. Y'all trying to go tonight? It's $2 for Greeks at the door." Kenny said.

"I'm down." Monica said looking at me.

"You know I'm down." Bryan assured.

I really didn't want to go, but I was starting to become an introvert to my friends and brothers. "I'll go with y'all." I said, putting on a forced smile.

"Yo, we gotta get back to campus for our 4 o'clock." Kenny reminded Bryan.

"You staying here?" Bryan asked me.

"Yeah for just a few more minutes." I said taking down a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"Oh, I'll stay too." Monica said in her innocent voice.

"Aight, cool then," Kenny said, "I'll text y'all when I get out of class." Then he and Bryan left.

Monica kept staring at me while I ate and it started to get a little annoying. She started asking me questions about stupid shit like "what's my favorite color?" I heard on campus, almost all the football players and basketball players ran through her. I didn't want t judge her before I got to know her so I just stood there and listened. I told her that I needed to head back to my dorm to get dressed. She stared at me and said, "Let's go then." The walk from the pizza place to my dorm was the longest 1.5 minutes of my life with Monica yapping every damn second. I told her she could sit in the room until I was done changing, and she nodded, "ok." She sat on my bed while got dressed.

I walked in the closet so I wouldn't be disrespectful to her. I could hear her walking up to the closet door. "Are you done yet?" She said in a seductive like voice.

"Nah can u pass me my boxers off the table?"

With no hesitation, she replied, "Yes."

I opened the door to get the boxers and there she was standing in front of me naked. I was shocked, but the man part of me was excited. I know you want me Jacob," she said as she pushed up against me in the closet, "We had eye to eye contact."

I know that this wasn't cool, but I just couldn't help myself. I grabbed Monica's nice small coke bottle waist. I placed one hand around her neck while rubbing her pussy with the other until it got wet. The clothes on the hangers fell down as we tussled body to body. She got down on her knees sucking my dick and nuts and I aggressively smacked her ass. I bent her over doggy style and began pounding her in the closet.

She moaned and called me "daddy" demanding me to fuck her harder.

"You like this shit bitch?" I asked pounding and pounding her loose ass pussy.

The excitement after 10 minutes, started to feel wrong. I pulled out of her and I told her that this was wrong. Kenny was my Line Brother and fucking his girl wasn't cool at all.

"Please don't tell him Monica," said looking at me in my eyes. I turned away and got dressed hiding my hard on. She got dressed and told me she was going to meet Kenny for the probate tonight.

I nodded, "Aight cool, I'll meet y'all there." I guess this was another secret I had to take to the grave. I got dressed and headed to the gym for the Nu Nu Psi probate. At the door, I saw Bryan and Kenny and dapped them up. In my head, I was thinking I was a fucked up nigga.

I just fucked this nigga bitch less than 20 minutes ago, but I tried to forget about it and enjoy this probate. All of us had on our fraternity jackets on. At the door, the Nu Nu Psi men stamped our hands to let us in. We sat on the front bleacher in the gym right by our sisters of Alpha Psi Psi.

A fraternity probate is a ceremony that is held to introduce a new member of a fraternity in the Greek community. The new members of the fraternity cover their faces with masks until they are revealed and they also recite material that was learned during the pledging process. Zaveon's sister, Ashley, sat beside me and whispered in my ear.

"So did you talk to Zaveon?" She asked.

I looked directly in her face and said, "No, we're not friends."

She looked back at me with her puppy dog eyes and asked, "Why"

I simply told her it was "complicated."

She looked at me for a good 20 seconds and then glanced off to find her boyfriend, Brandon. Brandon was in the center of the gym with his black jeans, and blue and yellow sweater with his fraternity cane hanging from his left back pocket. The gym was packed and every person on campus was in there. There were students even siting on the floor because of gym being so packed. Monica was on the left side of me while Kenny and Bryan was in the back of me. I felt very bad deep down and I was hoping this probate would only be worth the $2. Shit, $2 is a lot in college.

My brothers and I got up to stroll with the other Greeks until the show started. The pretty ladies of Alpha Psi Psi joined us as we battled the other Greeks on campus in the middle of the gymnasium floor. The crowd was extra turn't up and it felt good. After strolling for a good 3 minutes the lights began to dim and the gym got extra hype while the show began. The new members came out in combat boots, wearing yellow jump suits with blue hockey masks on, covering their faces. Zaveon was the deuce. I know it was him by the way he stood up there. Even though Zaveon was short, he stood up tall as if he had the height of a basketball player.

The members recited there fraternity's history and went down the line from shortest to tallest. All of the members had a song to come out on before revealing their identity to the school. Zaveon had the best song when he came out to Zapp and Roger's 'Computer Love.' The crowd went bananas when he walked up and started dancing and shimmying. The probate was a good show and they were very entertaining in terms of hyping the crowd up. Everyone walked up to the new members and congratulated them with gifts and support. I saw Zaveon and he saw me. I walked off to the right to leave the building.

"Yo! Yo Jacob!" Zaveon yelled out.

I turned around with a blank look on my face.

He continued, "Thanks man for being here and supporting."

I looked at him said, "No problem." Then I walked outside to get some fresh air.

Bryan and Kenny were sitting on the sidewalk outside. There were so much people outside, just standing in one area. I walked up to Kenny and Bryan and asked what's next for them?

"Shit just chillin' in front of the library," Kenny said as he began to smoke a cigarette. Bryan said that he got a text from Don, Robert and Jermaine. They were taking a early spring senior trip to Myrtle Beach. I knew something was up with them because they are usually around campus. I asked if anyone heard from Charles and Tyrese?

Bryan and Kenny said, "No."

In my mind, I knew what was happening, but it wasn't my place to say anything about it. I just knew hanging around both of them would be uncomfortable. Monica was nowhere to be found and that was good. Being around her would make me uncomfortable too.

I saw Zaveon walked outside with his LBs. "Are y'all still not talking no more?" Bryan asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"Nah, we not cool like that." I said, scratching my head. "Y'all I'ma head to my room. I'm kinda tired." I said lying to them.

Bryan and Kenny said, "Kool, kool. Holla at you tomorrow."

Today was a long ass day and I just wanted it to be over. Later on that night I woke up to a disturbing text message that would change my life forever.

# Chapter 10: Death

I got a text from my mom at 3:45 am, telling me to call her as soon as possible, it was an emergency. I didn't think it was serious at all so I called her at 3:50 to see what was wrong.

"Jacob honey." She answered in low, sad tone.

"Yes mom?" I said, starting to get really concerned.

My mom was always joyful and I never heard her speak in such a sad tone.

"Jacob baby, I need you to sit down." I told her was. The phone got quiet for at least 20 seconds and I could hear my mom crying.

"Mom? Are you ok? Is it Dad?" I kept asking.

She kept crying and I began to get worried even more. "Mom, is dad ok?! I yelled at her. "Mom! Calm down!"

"Your father is dead Jacob..."

My mouth dropped and body began to shiver. The tears fell from my face like a waterfall. I felt sick to my stomach. I mumbled to myself, "This can't be real." I was hoping my mom was pulling my leg.

"Jacob, he died this morning from a heart attack. The ambulance just left baby." My mom said, still crying.

I cried like a child. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I felt as if this was my fault. I haven't spoken to my father since the heated argument, the day I told him I pledged Rho. I knew my father hated me and was disappointed in me. I just wish I could tell him, "I'm sorry." I just wish this wasn't true. My mom and I stayed on the phone for hours. She told me that it will be alright and that she will call me back later on today with information on funeral arrangements in Atlanta. I didn't want to be at school right now.

I needed to go home and be with my family. I started to pack my bags to leave. I texted all my LBs to tell them the bad news. I even sent out a mass email to all my professors informing them that I won't be in attendance this or next week because of the death in my family. My mom sent me a text at 8:30 am telling me that my uncle Jeffery will be picking Zaveon and me up today. I wasn't cool with him riding with me back home, but I knew how important he was to my father

.

I sat in my dorm room all day waiting for uncle Jeffery to come. I walked outside of my dorm with my two bags to see Zaveon out front, waiting for uncle Jeffery as well. He walked over by me and hugged me. I was still mad at him. I even blamed him for my father hating me. If it wasn't for him telling my dad that I was pledging Rho Psi Psi. My father would at least died not hating and being disappointed in me. Zaveon indeed seemed sad and worried for me and he constantly kept asking me questions. It was just "yes" and "no" with me. To be honest, I didn't even want to talk to this dude right now. The more he talked, the angrier I became.

My uncle Jeffery texted me and Zaveon to inform us that he was coming through campus gates. Uncle Jeffery and my father were brothers. They weren't that close because my father and uncle Jeffery really didn't have much in common. My father was a hard core frat boy with the Alpha male persona. He was computer engineer and was always getting his hands dirty versus my uncle, Jeffery, who was over the top. Uncle Jeffery went to Yale and graduated in the top 3 of his class with a 4.0 GPA.

Uncle Jeffery was a very short, brown skinned man with wavy hair. He cared more about private jets and trips to Rome, Italy more than having a relationship with his own brother. Uncle Jeffery lived in Paris and only came down to the states once every 2 to 3 years. I haven't seen him since my sophomore year in high school. In many ways, I found him to be very selfish, but I understood why he couldn't be around. Uncle Jeffery was an editor for Male Vogue, giving him a busy schedule throughout the year.

It's just sad that he had to come home for bad news like this. Uncle Jeffery's new BMW 5 series pulled right up beside us.

"Hey! Hey! Hey y'all!" He said, pulling off his gold and black Ray Bans.

He got out the car hugging both Zaveon and me. "I missed y'all." He said smiling. Of course uncle Jeffery would come on campus with a V-neck, blue jeans and Louis Vuitton shoes on. As usual, he had a white woman with blonde hair dressed like a streetwalker in the passenger seat. It wouldn't surprise me if she was indeed a street walker. Uncle Jeffery just couldn't help himself when it came to the ladies. He would always bring a new one home every time he came to visit.

I can even remember when he came to visit the family for Christmas one time, bringing home a chick named "Cherry." She wasn't from the states and she had a British accent and she was extremely pretty.

"Hello, Jacob and Zaveon, I'm Beth. Your uncle has told me so much about you all." She said smiling.

Zaveon and I both replied with a simple "hello."

The ride to Atlanta was even longer with my uncle and his new "Becky" in the car. I had my headphones on while checking social media. Zaveon stayed to himself texting. The faster we got there, the faster this funeral and everything would be done with and the faster I could return to school and forget everything that ever happened. It took us a good 4 to 5 hours to get home. Uncle Jeffery and his side piece stayed in the house with my mom and sister, Alice. Zaveon even stayed in the house with us because his parent were in Berlin, stuck in the bad weather. They couldn't return home yet.

Zaveon stayed in my room. My mom treated him as if he was her own. I knew she could tell that we weren't as close as we used to be. For two straight days, we didn't even speak. I was just waiting til Saturday to bury my father and head back to school. My mom always knew when something was up so later on that evening she decided to have a family meeting aka dinner.

My mom, sister, Zaveon, uncle Jeffery, his girlfriend Beth and I sat at the table to eat the wonderful meal my mom prepared. The funeral was tomorrow and my mom always had a way of resolving family issues before major events. My mom went around the table asking each of us a question. I kept my answers short, "yes" or "no." I really wasn't in the mood for the drama. Zaveon acted as if he wasn't being fake and not responding to my text messages. I still blame him for everything in terms of my father saying that he hated me. I sat at the table listening to this dude tell lie after lie. Tonight proved that our friendship was truly over. I walked away from the table and went to my room.

# Chapter 11: Back 2 the Basics

The funeral was good yesterday and I was just happy to be back. I didn't cry once while the put my father to rest. I guess I deal with death differently than others. Returning back, TSU felt so good. All of my professors gave me make up work because of the death in my family. Everything felt normal again. The students were still ratchet and loud and the people who didn't go to class sat under the "dummy tree." My LBs Kenny and Bryan were very supportive and helpful in this tragedy. When I was off for a week, everyone was dealing with their own personal issues. Bryan broke up with Monica, Kenny got into a fight with another Greek lettered fraternity and no words from Charles or Tyrese. This was starting to get a little scary to me.

No one has heard from these boys in weeks and no one seemed concerned. We only had like three more weeks before the semester was over and I didn't understand this whole situation. Kenny said he talked to Ryan and Jamie, our other line brothers who were in Myrtle Beach with the other Rhos. They said Charles was in North Carolina and Tyrese was home. It didn't sound right and I was going to get to the bottom of it after my last class.

After class, I walked to the bus station to catch a cab to Tyrese's off campus apartment.

"Hey stranger." A calm voice said behind me, then I felt soft hands covering my eyes.

"Yo who is this? "I said smiling.

"Ha ha! Monica silly!"

My smile suddenly turned to a frown. I turned around and said, "Oh hey."

"So you not happy to see me? Foul! Foul!" She said in her ghetto voice.

I really didn't want to be involved with this girl. Yeah I smashed, but that was just a one-time thing. I'm not trying to take her home to meet my moms or nothin' like that.

"We have to talk on a serious note," she said. "I'ma call you tonight."

I nodded, "Aight." Then I got on the bus as it came just in time.

The trip to Tyrese's apartment seemed so long. I didn't know what I was going to say or do when I arrived. His car was still in the parking lot, so I knew he was home. I could hear loud music blasting from the door. I knocked and knocked, but no one answered at first. Twenty seconds, later Tyrese came to the door. I wanted to say what's up, but the way he looked caught me off guard.

"Hey bruh!" Tyrese said, trying to smile.

I looked at him puzzled, "Hey LB." I hesitated, "Are you okay? What happened to your face?"

"Oh nothing," he said trying to avoid the question. "Are you hungry bro? I have some left overs in the fridge."

I simply said, "No thank you, appreciate it though..." I hesitated again, then asked, "So what's been going on?" I tried to avoid looking at his black eyes and his bruised face.

"Oh nothing. Just work and school," he said looking down.

In my mind I was like, "yeah right Tyrese, your parents are pretty much wealthy. You don't have to work."

I asked again, "Are you sure you're okay Tyrese because you've been acting strange these past weeks."

"No, I'm okay," he said in an angry tone.

"I'm just concerned."

"Well don't be."

He picked up a red cup from the floor. His place looked a total mess. It looked as if someone ran through the place with a farm of pigs and dogs. We were obviously getting nowhere. I didn't know if today was the right time to address to him with what I've seen, but it came out anyway, like word vomit.

"I know that you and Charles are sneaking around."

Tyrese froze in place. "Excuse me?"

"I know that you and Charles are sleeping around and I saw him beating you a few weeks ago in the parking garage," I said with an concerned look.

He looked at me for a good 10 seconds and walked to the kitchen. Tyrese turned back around and sat down by on the chair.

"So are you going to tell people about me and him?" Tyrese asked while looking down.

"Nah bruh, I would never put your private business out there like that. It's not my place to. Nor is it my place to judge you." I said looking at him. "But you do know that he has a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, I know. I mean, I know now." Tyrese said as he looked at the wall.

"Jacob man, I love that nigga. What am I supposed to do?" He started to cry.

I didn't know how to answer that question. I couldn't possibly understand what he was going through. This was the worst I've ever seen Tyrese. He had on a white tank top with blue jogging pants.

"Let me ask you this, how long have y'all been fooling around and do the other brothers know this?" I said with a puzzled look on my face.

"I knew him since we were little," Tyrese said, wiping his eyes. "He took my virginity on his senior year of high school. The only reason why I pledged and went to Travenna State is because of him."

I felt bad for Tyrese, honestly. He was in a down low relationship with our fraternity president. I asked him has he always hit you and Tyrese replied "yes."

"At first it was cool because he was stressed out about school, etc., but now whenever he gets mad, he takes it out on me."

Seeing Tyrese cry made me feel some type of way about Charles. Charles wasn't the cool guy in my eye. He is barely a brother in my eyes.

"Anything you need bruh, call me," I said. "We are brothers til death. Even if you're gay, I accept you the way you are bruh." Tyrese looked at me and smile, but that smile turned upside down very quick when the key entered the lock and the front door opened.

# Chapter 12: I Will Kill You

"Charles! I thought you were in class?" Tyrese said nervously. Charles wasn't happy at all. I don't even think I've ever gotten a look like that from him.

"Hey bruh." I said with a smile holding my hand out to dap him up.

He looked at me and said, "Nigga don't talk to me."

Now, I was really confused. I've never disrespected this dude nor have I ever had any problems with him. I was really heated.

"Nah nigga you need to chill with that shit homie," I said putting my iPhone in my pocket.

He turned around, but Tyrese grabbed him saying, "Come on Charles. Chill with that bae." Charles slapped Tyrese down causing him to fall.

I stood up quick, "Yo what the fuck is wrong with you?" I said to him. Something was obviously not right this dude.

His eyes were bloodshot red. He had on a gray hoodie and blue jeans with Timberlands. Tyrese jumped back up to defuse the madness. Charles started yelling at him. "So you already fucking other niggas?" Charles said as he grabbed Tyrese by the neck.

I jumped in quickly pulling them apart. "You need to leave Charles!" I was ready to fight this nigga. He looked at me with his bloodshot eyes and walked out the door.

Tyrese started yelling after Charles. "So you're still doing cocaine Charles? Really?"

Charles held his hands up again as if he was going to hit Tyrese, but stop and grinned. "I made you nigga. Never forget that shit," Charles laughed.

"I'll see yo ass later," he said smirking at Tyrese and me while slamming the door behind him.

I was shocked, but not surprised that he was doing drugs. Back home, I've seen how addicting cocaine can be. There have been so many niggas back home who got hooked on that shit. Those niggas today or either dead or in prison. The drug just starts to deteriorate your body and life.

"Why are you not reporting him or telling someone about this madness Tyrese?"

He didn't answer, he just kept picking up the things off the floor. "I don't want to talk about this to no one," he said grabbing his keys from the table. I stood there looking at him, trying not to judge him, but it was so hard not to in my head. He offered to take me home, but he was in no condition to take me.

"I'll just catch the 7:30 bus back to campus."

He said ,"Ok, let me know if you change mind."

"Aight man, I'll talk to you later."

Tyrese's apartment was like 20 minutes away from campus in a suburban area. No wonder he had so much privacy over here. The bus came 10 minutes early so I got on with some hobos. I got a text from Zaveon. The reason I knew it was him is that we were friends for so long and he has had the same number since 9th grade. The text read: Bruh are you on campus?

I texted back: No, but I will be in 25 mins.

He responded back quickly: Ok, can we meet up to talk?

In my mind I didn't want to, but it was time to resolve the childishness fight between us. I replied: Aight, I'll text you when I arrive.

His response: ok.

After another 20 to 25 minutes on the bus, I finally arrived back on campus. I sent a text to Zaveon telling him to meet me in the library, I'm on campus. He replied, okay.

I sat in the library near the back section, my usual section where I go to study when I can. Zaveon walked in with his blue hoodie and basketball shorts on.

"What's up bruh?"

"Nothing much. Chillin'. Chillin.'" I said.

My old roommate and LB of Zaveon was behind him. He even waved at me. I was surprised because we were beefing and ended things terribly after that fight months ago.

"Bruh I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have been there for you as best friend and have your back. I was letting people in my ears and just confused about this whole Greek life shit my nigga," Zaveon confessed. He continued, "Bruh you know I love you, you're my real brother."

I believed that he was sorry and he did wanted things to go back to normal. but they just couldn't. I got up to accept his apology with a hand shake.

"It's okay bro, we straight." It felt good to finally forgive my brother.

This freshman year has just been a crazy roller coaster ride that broke our friendship up and I'm kind of glad it did. We needed that break to grow as individuals and build our own path at TSU. We all sat in the library and just talked for hours. We talked about the Rhos beefing against the Nu's. We even talked about how we all met first semester. Tyrone and I even squashed our beef. Things seemed like they were getting back to normal. And it felt good.

# Chapter 13: Tragedy

All week, I have been finishing up finals and packing to return home for summer break. Over the past two weeks, Zaveon, Tyrone and I have gotten even closer than ever. Finally, we were changing the dynamic of the Rho vs. Nu beef on campus. We were coming together and making a difference at TSU. We held functions and events together. We have also hung out in large groups together around campus. Our vibe was going great.

"You know that Rho Psi Psi is having a going away party after finals, so I'm inviting y'all," I said to Tyrone and Zaveon.

"I'm down Tyrone," said smiling asking if some bad bitches will be in attendance.

I replied, "Of course, you know how the Rho's do."

"I'm not coming unless Brandon Lewis comes," Zaveon said laughing out loud.

"Hell no, that crazy nigga is not invited!" I exclaimed with somewhat of a serious face.

"I know he's out of town anyway," Zaveon said.

"You mean he's out of the closet," Tyrone said, laughing.

I was about to bring up Brandon stalking, gay Facebook messages, but I didn't. I didn't want to talk about the lame ass dude to be honest. It just felt good to be around real friends for a change. Monica kept calling me and texting me all day while Zaveon and Tyrone were in the room. I finally picked up.

"What do you want Monica?" I said in a dreadful tone.

"We need to talk," she said in her hood rat accent. "In privacy too."

Zaveon whisper to me to put the phone on speaker, so, I did.

"Nah Monica, we ain't got nothing to talk about shawty," I said. "It was just a one time thing. Chill. Just relax ma."

I can tell that she was getting heated. "You're not about to play me in front of your boys Jacob," she hissed. I guess she could hear the giggles in the background.

"I'm so tired of niggas like you that just think you can hit this and quit! No nigga because I'm pregnant! And it's yours," she said.

The room got quiet. It felt as if a pen was a stuck through my heart. I didn't know if I should believe her or not. I guess this was the what she needed to talked to me about two weeks ago at the bus station. I didn't even know this chick like that. I kept thinking about what Bryan would say if he found out or my mom. I wasn't ready for no kid. I was just 18 years old.

"We need to talk later on Jacob, so you better call me too," she said hanging up.

Zaveon got up to hug me. "Dude its okay, I'm here for you." Tyrone told me not to worry, "The bitch fucked half the football and basketball team. That bitch lying."

So many things were running through my head. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I just knew something bad was going to happen. Nothing never just goes as planned or well at Travenna State. There was always a price to pay here. Zaveon left me to think in my dorm and rest for tomorrow's parties. I stayed up all night thinking about Monica and the baby. I was too young for this and I think "we should get an abortion." I kept repeating that over and over, figuring out how to say it to her.

Jamie sent me a text reminding me to come to the frat house early to set up. I told him I will be there before 3 o'clock tomorrow. The next day was just a crazy run around. One thing I've learned about college is that the 1st day coming to school and the last day leaving school is always the worst time. I had to check my grades before leaving to go the Rho house because tomorrow morning, I was leaving to return home. On my way to Dr. Ross' office, I saw Charles' girlfriend.

"Hey you," she said smiling at me.

"Sup sup," I said looking at her like I remembered her name.

"Did you, by any chance, see Charles?  
she asked in a concerned tone.

I looked at her and lied. "No I haven't seen him since Spring Break.

I could tell his girlfriend that he's on drugs and he's sleeping with our fraternity brother on the side, but I lied.

She looked at me and pulled me to the side. "So its really that bad she said."

I was caught off guard, I wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"So he messing with another fraternity guy isn't he?" She asked, looking me directly in my eyes.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She knew I was lying and it was obvious that this has happened more than once. I looked at her and said that it was not my place to say.

She looked at me said, "Your facial expressions tell me everything Jacob but I won't tell him a thing. I'm used to his other life."

I couldn't stop looking at her. "Why? Why do you accept that?" I asked. gazing at her face.

"Because I love him and it's just a phase. When we get married this summer, after graduation, it will all be over. We will have kids and be with each other forever," she said.

In my mind I was thinking this bitch was totally delusional.

"Are you serious?" I asked in a voice of disbelief.

She looked at me and said, "It was nice seeing you Jacob, but I have to go."

I could see a tear falling from the side of her left eye. This was really messed up. I would expect this from Brandon Lewis, but not Charles. Then again, Charles wasn't the man I thought he was. He was a fraud and extremely dirty.

I knew the whole roommate story about him and Brandon Lewis wasn't all peaches and cream. You can tell it was something deeper. The one thing I hated about Travenna State University is the down low brothers there. They would lie to their girlfriends and sleep with men on the side. I have even been approached by other male Greeks who tried to talk to me and I'd always say, "Nah, nah! I don't swing like that." TSU was full of secrets and lies, you couldn't trust any one, not even the professors. I can even remember going to Dr. Ross' office one time during the semester before I crossed Rho Psi Psi, and I saw him receiving oral sex from a freshman girl named Cassie Myers. Professor's sleep with students and the staff had nasty attitudes towards students. I didn't tell any of my fraternity brothers or friends that I was transferring from TSU.

I just couldn't take the immature people and the reckless staff. I needed a new start. My father was gone and I didn't want to remember him right now. I wanted to focus on my life and not live his dream. I needed to make my own lane and leaving Travenna State University was the first step to doing it.

Dr. Ross was in his office looking at porn as usual.

"Sup D. Ross," I said.

"Hey J," he said feeling embarrassed that I caught him again looking at teen porn.

Ever since I crossed Rho Psi Psi Dr. Ross and I have gotten closer. I wouldn't consider him a mentor because he was a fucking creep ass nigga, but I'd consider a fucking creep ass nigga that supplies me with A's okay with me. We had a pack. If I didn't tell the administration what he was doing behind closed doors, I'd leave his class with an A. I wasn't much of a deal because I already have an A in his class now.

"Brother how can I help you?" He asked while zipping his pants up.

"I just need a copy of my transcript." He looked at me as if he wanted to know what it was for, but he knew not to asked. He simply put my social security number in the computer then press print. I knew he wanted to see me go so that he could get back to being the nasty pervert that he was.

"Have a great summer. See you next year brother," he said as I walked out of his office.

Now, it was off to the Rho house to get things situated, then back on campus to pack and leave this bitch. I arrived to the frat house early with Ryan and Tyrese. Tyrese was starting to get his life back and being himself for the past two weeks. He has even told all his line brothers that he was gay. My brothers of Rho Psi Psi accepted him with open arms. There was so much to do and so little time before the party started. My LBs, Jamie and Kenny, came from the liquor store. In the second car came Bryan with Rob, Don and Jermaine. Everyone was there except Charles.

There were so many rumors circulating around campus about Charles. Some sounded true and many just sounded terrible. Even his LB Jermaine said it's gotten really bad with Charles on cocaine now. He didn't show up for his senior presentation or finals.

"I don't think he's graduating this semester," Don said with a serious face.

I replied, "I hope he does, and I hope all of y'all do too." Everyone laughed.

Tyrese walked upstairs to find some board games in the department room. Rob and I decorated the house while my other brother stood there drinking beer and blasting loud, down south music. Monica even came by to support early.

"Hey y'all," she said as she walked in looking directly at me. Bryan looked me and then looked her. I just knew he knew something was up with Monica and I. He was the type to always get to the bottom of a situation. I just wanted to avoid that hoe the whole time. I didn't talk to her or look at her the whole night.

I was just ready to the party to start. Tyrese was still upstairs so I was about to check on him until the front door open and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was Charles. He walked through the door looking like a homeless man. His eyes were blood shoot red again and he seemed high. He had on the same outfit he had on weeks ago. I didn't know who this man was standing in front of me. He wasn't the same guy I met back in January in Dr. Ross' office. This new Charles seemed darker and full of anger. We all looked at him while he stood there with his hands in his pocket.

"Sup Charles," I said feeling really concerned about homeboy.

"Nah! Nah! Nah! Fuck all that bullshit nigga. So y'all mutha fuckers didn't invite me cause I'm a fly ass nigga?!" He asked yelling across the room. "I made all of y'all lame ass niggas!"

"Charles just sit down and have a drink," Jermaine said.

"I DON'T FUCKIN' WANT A DRINK WITH Y'ALL FAKE ASS NIGGAS!" Charles shouted while twitching and acting weird.

I didn't know it was this bad. He was at the stage of "gone." He needed professional help.

Bryan walked towards him. "Bruh, you need some help." Then all of sudden, Charles reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a 5 millimeter gun, shooting Bryan in the head twice. My body went cold as I watched the blood from Bryan's lifeless body splatter unto our faces. The only thing you could hear was crying and yelling.

Kenny ran over to his brother yelling at Charles. "I'ma kill you nigga! Look at what the fuck you've done!"

We all stood by the wall scared out of our minds. I could see no soul in Charles eyes. He was completely gone. Bryan was dead in the front of us. I was praying that Tyrese called the cops and that he wouldn't come downstairs.

"Where is that bitch ass nigga Tyrese?" Charles yelled with tears coming down his cheeks. "Look what you made me do?" Where he is? I swear to God I'ma blow his fucking brains out!"

Don was trying to calm him down while Rob tried to make a run for.

"Bruh, I feel your pain," Don said walking towards Charles. "Bruh, just put the gun down, let's talk about this man we knew each other ever since high school bruh, come on." Don said with tears in his eyes. "It's not worth it."

Charles kept going on and on about how he's going to kill Tyrese and as soon Don was about to get the gun, Rob tried to run, but didn't make it. One shot to the back of his head and his body fell down to the floor. Everyone was crying and scared. I just knew this was the end for me. Today was the day I was going to die. My heart kept beating faster and faster as Charles got closer to us all.

"I can't live like this," he kept saying. "We all gotta die." As he went down the row shooting at us all. I fell to the floor in panic. I could hear every one falling to the floor screaming. For the first time in life, I felt very hopeless with no control over the situation. I was worried for all my brothers and Monica. She was pregnant with my baby. I had to play dead, I had to act is if I got hit by one of the bullets. The cries began to stop and it was very quiet. I just knew everyone was dead or knocked out.

Next thin you know, the police was at the door.

Boom! Boom! Boom! They banged on the door.

"It's the police! Open the door Charles, we know you're in there!"

"I can't fucking live like this, I don't want to do this no more," Charles said crying while tussling the gun.

"We are coming in," the cops said, " In 5, 4, 3, 2..."

The cops kicked down the door with their guns drawn, all pointing at Charles.

"PUT DOWN THE GUN SON!" The cops yelled at Charles.

Everyone was on the floor bloody. I couldn't tell who was alive or who was dead, but I continued to stay down.

"Son please, put down your weapon," One police started calling for back up, but it was too late. Charles placed the gun directly to the side of his temple and said, "This is for Rho Psi Psi." Then he pulled the trigger. His lifeless body fell to the ground instantly, on top of Monica. I cried while I laid on the ground. The cops ran in, grabbing all of us. I jumped up when a lady copy grabbed me. I was shaking and I couldn't speak. The cops sent me to the ambulance while they checked to see of the others were still alive.

I waited and waited in the ambulance. I could see crowds and crowds of people standing around looking at the house. I looked towards the house and saw Tyrese walking towards me. I ran towards Tyrese so quickly. He kept asking, "Are you okay?" I couldn't respond, just passed out onto the pavement. The paramedics placed me into the ambulance, trying to bring me back to consciousness.

"Are you okay Mr. Jacob?" I heard a man say to me while wiping Bryan's blood from my forehead.

"What happened?" I asked still in shock.

"You passed out bruh," Tyrese said

I could feel the warm tear drops drop from my eyes slowly falling down my cheeks. I looked at Tyrese and started shaking my head.

"What the fuck happened man? What the fuck happened?!" I yelled over and over with snot and tears dripping down my face.

"Bruh, just rest man," Tyrese said crying too, but I couldn't lay down in the ambulance.

I ran out the truck to see if everyone else was okay. I ran towards a cop who was by the front door.

"Sir, stand back you can't be here right now," He kept repeating.

"No! No! I have to check on my brothers!" I said yelling at the police officers.

And there it was, eight black body bags being pulled out of the house one by one. My heart dropped again.

Tyrese stood behind me with his hands on my shoulder, "Bro it's gonna be okay."

# Notes

