JACK: Oh, there you are. ROBIN: Hello! JACK: Hello, my Canadian friend!
JACK: Top of the morning to ya, laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye and welcome to Minecraft 2!
JACK: We got instructions from Notch, Notch came over to my house and hand delivered this game to me, and I s-
JACK: Ah, stop
JACK: Stop, no!
ROBIN: Bye!
JACK: *laughing* How do I get out? Don't imprison me in a labyrinth of your design!
ROBIN: But it's fun!
JACK: Okay, so the game is called Colony Survival.
JACK: It's not Minecraft 2. All the people out there are very disappointed, but it looks like Minecraft.
ROBIN: It looks very that. Canadian Minecraft.
ROBIN: That's what it is.
JACK: Yeah, we look like the Canadians from South Park.
ROBIN: From South Park. *laughing*
JACK: Hey, I'm not your buddy, guy
ROBIN: I'm not your guy, buddy, friend. Wait, why did you go into the hole again? 
JACK: Okay, how do we, no!
JACK: No! *both laughing*
JACK: You imprisoned me!
JACK: I was trying to figure out how to actually put the shit back down.
ROBIN: It's, uh, right click.
JACK; It's - it's - it's just Minecraft.
JACK: That's literally all it is.
 ROBIN: Basically.
JACK: So, anyone who wanted me to play Minecraft here you go!
ROBIN: Uh, what do we do?
JACK: Oh, now my ground look shit.
JACK: So, this-- this game is not just
JACK: *giggling* I can't.
ROBIN: What?
JACK: This game
is not just like building and crafting and all that kind of stuff, because it's a...
It's a city builder game at the same time, so we can actually  if you press 1, you get a command tool and then you can actually hire people.
ROBIN: Huh, can I hire you?
JACK: No!
JACK: Why would you hire me?
ROBIN: Huh, that's true. Can I fire you?
ROBIN: What're you doing?
JACK: I'm digging holes by accident. Leave me alone. It really does just looks like a Minecraft mod.
JACK: Basically, yeah. You can go to your inventory on 'i' as well you have a bronze axe,
you have a pickaxe 
JACK: Oh!
ROBIN: You have a bread, you have a hundred and fifty bread, I guess?
JACK: Hundred and fifty? Are these the things we have? I guess so... 
ROBIN: I don't know.
JACK: Robin, is getting dark
ROBIN: Is it? Oh, no. I think I have - do I have anything in my hands right now?
JACK: Uh, no. You broke the physics of the tree, though. 
ROBIN: Yeah, I know you can just do that
JACK: It sounds like you're just punching, like, a bag of potatoes. 
ROBIN: Yeah!
JACK: You can take down leaves pretty f*cking quick!
ROBIN: Well, they're leaves. It's not like it requires much strength.
JACK: I destroyed a tree! ah, Deforester Yogi Bear's gonna be mad at me!
JACK: I'll drive people insane by placing a different type of leaf on the ground.
ROBIN: Oh, nice!
JACK: *Evil exclamation of victory*
ROBIN: nice
ROBIN: How do I punch you?
JACK: Yeah, that's what I was trying to do - that's why I ended up poking a hole in the ground.
ROBIN: Uh  But what do we...
ROBIN: do, though?
JACK: Okay, so we got to create farms, and we gotta create buildings and all that,
so... no tools selected. If I get a...
Berry Farmer. "Needs berry seeds, place on grass or dirt."
ROBIN: *exclamations of surprise and terror*
JACK: What? What're you doing - ooh, pretty!
ROBIN: I fell in  into the  shaving foam.
JACK: Lemme see if we can start with this. Okay. How do I
ROBIN: Where are you?
JACK: Wait, you fell in the shaving foam?
ROBIN: Yep.
JACK: ...Okay, I want to see the *laughs*
I wanna see the shaving foam.
ROBIN: Come see the shaving foam!
Look at it!
JACK: Oh!
ROBIN: Lake of shaving foam!
JACK: Oh!
ROBIN: You can go in it! Whee!
ROBIN: It's very scary, though.
JACK: *laughs*
ROBIN: Gets in your eyes.
JACK: Oh, it IS like shaving foam!
ROBIN: Yeah, right?
JACK: It's an oddly unsettling how it just undulates back and forth...
ROBIN: Yeah, go in it!
ROBIN: Go in!
JACK: Oooh! Sploosh, sploosh! Sploosh - OHH NO!
OH, JESUS!
ROBIN: *laughing*
JACK: That's scary!
ROBIN: That's what I did!
JACK: It's so loud!
JACK: "The banner is the centre of your colony. Press 2 to plant it. Right click the banner to recruit colonists."
The banner tool will highlight where the monsters spawn in red." Hey!
ROBIN: That sounds amazing!
JACK: Stop it!
I'm trying to learn!
ROBIN: Well, learning is for Nerds! Should we do that out here, though, maybe in the open plains?
JACK: Yeah.
You're already over here, how did you take my feet and run over here at the same time?
ROBIN: I'm just - I've - I've watched Minecraft before - ohh!
JACK: Wooo, banner!
... Science Menu!
ROBIN: What do we do with this?
ROBIN: Ooh!
Special block removal? No! No no no no
JACK: What're you doing to my - *spluttering* my thing??
ROBIN: I didn't try to remove it at all, the problem - 
JACK: Recruit a colonist.
Disconnected - connected pix - wait, "could not recruit a new colonist, not enough free beds." Oh!
ROBIN: Oh!
JACK: We gotta create, uh, beds!
ROBIN: Of course! Wait, maybe we should make, like, a little hut in case there are monsters. Are there monsters?
JACK: I don't know.
ROBIN: I'll make a little workman's hut.
JACK: Okay. 
ROBIN: Right here. With my planks.
JACK: That's ugly!
ROBIN: Sure, well, I'm making it in your image.
JACK: Oh, there we go. There's a beds!
ROBIN: Aw! Nice, okay.
JACK: I made a bit - I also made a hole, you're gonna have to fill it in with grass again.
ROBIN: Why don't you fill it in?
JACK: Ok, fine, but I gotta take grass out of my inventory, then.
You're making life very miserable for me.
ROBIN: I've already done it.
JACK: OK, recruit colonists. Hey, I did it! We've a friend!
ROBIN: Ohhh! Hello!
JACK: Don't trap him inside.
ROBIN: He looks like a ghost.
JACK: He needs to go to a beds! Look! he's sleeping!
ROBIN: We hired him and he went straight to sleep.
What a good hire that was.
JACK: Is he sleeping or is he dead?
ROBIN:Get off there! 
JACK: Sir? Sir, are you dead on the beds?
ROBIN: Hello? 
JACK: That's the dead bed.
ROBIN: Wake up. Wake up. Wake up
JACK: I wish I could sleep like this, just -
ROBIN: Is there a crouch button, can I teabag him? No.
JACK: I wish. Okay. Science menu.
Archery, flax farming, bread production, bronze anvil - 
ROBIN: You go do some science.
I'll build some shit. He's gonna wake up, and there's gonna be no floor. He's gonna be like, "This guy is such a prank."
Uh oh! Um- um - um - um - um... help?
JACK: What?
What're you - *laughs*
ROBIN: Well, I might have, uh -
JACK: You destroyed the bed!
ROBIN: Listen, I destroyed the floor. The bed just destroyed itself... in sympathy.
JACK: Now he can't even get out.
ROBIN: I'll - I'll fix it. I'll fix it, Don't worry.
JACK: You, you -
JACK: Broke him!
There we go.
ROBIN: See, I fixed it!
JACK: Come on out, Charles. Ohhh, no!
ROBIN: Fixed - I fixed - I fixed it.
JACK: There he goes. OK. We need to start crafting stuff for him to do. We need to make a farm.
ROBIN: Well, you  - I've made a whole house. You make a farm.
JACK: *muttering* ...Call that a fucking house?
JACK: Oh! What'd I plant?
ROBIN: *laughs* yeah.
ROBIN: I'm gonna plant this sapling, OK?
JACK: That's what I just did, look. Look, It's a little sapling friend. Like him?
ROBIN: Wow.
JACK: Like him? His name is Jerry.
ROBIN: Hi, Jerry. Can I do one also? 
JACK: He's dead now. I killed Jerry
JACK: Ok, how do I do stuff with my - my little dude here?
ROBIN: Well, take him out to dinner, and then we'll see!
JACK: There must be a way - planks.
JACK: Is that what you were putting down? Okay. Good.
ROBIN: Yeah. 
JACK: They don't look good, but... I believe in you.
ROBIN: What -
ROBIN: Wait, why is this - oh, they look good. why is this - this is called log.
JACK: What's that?
JACK: ...What?
ROBIN: I thought that was dirt.
JACK: Ooh, it's got - it's got a parallax mapping, though.
ROBIN: Yeah, it did. I saw, it was cool.
JACK: Very, very nice.
ROBIN: Mm.
JACK: Okay, we need to actually - I think we can make, like, little lots that they can plant stuff in, and then it keeps him busy,
But also - if you press between your one and two buttons, your command tool and your thing, it changes the world.
ROBIN: ...What?
JACK: If you press one in your command tool, is everything normal?
ROBIN: Yeah.
JACK: But then if you press two to your banner tool, does stuff change?
ROBIN: No.
It's exactly the same.
JACK: My world - my world loses shaders. *ROBIN laughs*
ROBIN: Really?
JACK: Yeah! 
ROBIN: Oh, sh*t! ...oh.
Oops, I got an error message. 
JACK: Oh, that's not good. How do I -
ROBIN: *singing* Living without you
JACK: I'm trying to make a workbench.
JACK: "Needs planks, copper nails..."
JACK: Copper nails: 2. I have 25 of them.
JACK: Copper parts and copper tools.
JACK: "Recruit an artisan: will do the crafting for you." Oh!
ROBIN: What're you doing?
JACK: You can make a science lab!
ROBIN: Look, I'm singing Britney Spears and building a house.
ROBIN: You better be doing something useful as well.
JACK: Keep dancing.
JACK: How do I unlock a scientist?
ROBIN: *singing* She's so lucky! She's a star!
JACK: *singing* But she cry, cry, cry, in her lonely heart, thinkin'.
JACK: I need berries!
ROBIN: *laughs* Wha-wha - when I hover -
JACK: What did you - what did you do?
ROBIN: When I hover over the bed in the crafting thing, it says: "Requires -
"Requires straw, not screws."
ROBIN: Wha- why does it list what it doesn't require? *laughs*
ROBIN: Oh. Oh, you have to have it in your hotbar to do it.
JACK: Yeah.
ROBIN: I see.
JACK: And I think you get a bed, but now you destroyed mine, so I don't have a bed anymore.
ROBIN: ...bed.
ROBIN: Ahaha! Bed.
JACK: There we go. A bed! Ah! Stone floor! You did good!
ROBIN: Yeah! Thank you, haha!
JACK: ...I still have no idea how this game works.
ROBIN: Me neither.
ROBIN: What's our employee doing? Can I can I talk - I punched him! AHH
JACK: What did you do?
ROBIN: I just - I was just - I was just testing his chainmail.
JACK: You stop that!
ROBIN: We-well - Okay.
JACK: "Right-click on a block of grass, choose the right job, and create an area for the farmer."
JACK: Okay.
ROBIN: Well... oh! So I put down my things for nothing, then.
JACK: Ooh, look!
ROBIN: But I'm busy.
JACK: Oh wait. I did it wrong, wait.
ROBIN: Try again until you do it right.
JACK: There we go! You see?
ROBIN: What, what? What?
JACK:  I turned him into a berry farmer!
ROBIN: Oh, you did it!
ROBIN: He's a red shirt now! Oh shit that means he's gonna die, though.
JACK: No, look, he's making berries!
ROBIN: That's not...
JACK: Get out of his way! He's working, sir!
ROBIN: Wow, what a berry farmer.
ROBIN: Can I eat his berries?
JACK: It looks like - NO!!
ROBIN: Sorry, sorry, sorry!
JACK: I hate you
JACK: Come here! It's time for a spanking.
ROBIN: I'll hide in the shed of shame... *sobbing* NO!
*both laughing*
JACK: Now you stay in there, think about what you did.
ROBIN: Well at least I have a bed
ROBIN: What are you doing? Hello?
ROBIN: What's happening?
ROBIN: Oh no! It's getting darker.
JACK: You deserve this.
ROBIN: Hello.
JACK: No!
JACK: You're not supposed to be happy about your punishment.
JACK:You gotta stay in there.
ROBIN: Alan. Alan. Alan. Oh
JACK: There you go now trapped forever. How do I hmm?
ROBIN: Leave without you.
JACK: I don't know how I get the berries from this guy.
ROBIN: Kill him and steal them.
JACK: Is there a stockpile somewhere of berries?
ROBIN: Science lab. Well I made a science lab.
JACK: It said...
JACK: Uh... uh..
JACK: Start by making a wheat farm. That's not what I made. 
ROBIN: I made a science lab.
JACK: I made a berry boy.
ROBIN: Hello. There you go, I put a science machine in there. Cool science, I'm hoping.
JACK: How do I?
JACK: What do you do with it?
ROBIN: I don't know, science!
ROBIN: I put a, I put bronze research on, because I don't know.
ROBIN: Bronze is free. Whoa!
JACK: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
ROBIN: My things have grown!
JACK: They grew quick!
ROBIN: Shouldn't put them so close together, oh.
JACK: Oh, I punched my dude! Oh, sorry!
ROBIN: Haha now we're even.
JACK: We're gonna end up killing them.
ROBIN: Hate you equally.
JACK: Um we need to uh,
JACK: We need to make more beds 'cause we can't recruit more people without beds.
ROBIN:  I-- *punching sound effect*
ROBIN: I punched him again! Oops!
ROBIN: I was trying to force-feed him bread, so he would regenerate. Can I do that to you?
ROBIN: Whoops!
ROBIN: Um...
JACK: Did you just destroy the bed?
ROBIN: Yeah a little bit.
JACK: I don't know how the fuck this game works. Oh!
JACK: Oh, like you said you have to have them in your fuckin' hot bar.
ROBIN: Yeah, I know. I was trying to feed you bread, but instead I punched a bed. You know how that goes.
JACK: Sometimes bread, sometimes bed. What are you gonna do about it?
ROBIN: Uh-oh! There's a zombie behind you.
JACK: A what?
ROBIN: A zombie.
JACK: Oooh.
ROBIN: Can I slash at him?
ROBIN: Pow! I did it!
JACK: Now he's dead. *laughing*
JACK: He didn't put up much of a fight, did you?
ROBIN: Slingshot.
ROBIN: Slingshot.
JACK: What are you doing?
ROBIN: It just bounces off of you.
JACK: I don't even see him.
ROBIN: Awh.
ROBIN: Can we do anything with him?
 Like harvest his-- oh! No, he's gone.
ROBIN: Well, that was a lovely day
ROBIN: *mutters* Slingshot.
ROBIN: Oh, No!
JACK: Did you hit me?
JACK: *screaming* You killed him!
ROBIN: But I'm over here. I didn't do that.
ROBIN: No, please it was the zombie!
JACK: I-- you murderer!
ROBIN: He wasn't doing anything anyway. He's just freeloading using our bed.
JACK: I'm over here trying to build the kingdom and you're dicking around like a child.
ROBIN: Look. I made a house.
ROBIN: I made a science machine. I made a tree farm. What have you done?
JACK: I recruited a colonist and you fucking killed him. We need to make this house bigger.
JACK: You made a terrible house.
ROBIN: Well, at least I made a house.
ROBIN: Zombie!
JACK: Yeah kill those things. Do that, that's your job.
ROBIN: How you disappeared?
ROBIN: He just vanished.
JACK: Vanish, Oxy action.
ROBIN: *singing* He just vanished, he's a star
JACK: Do you think he cried cried cried
ROBIN: Yeah, I heard it. I laughed at him.
JACK: Oh, I made a double bed!
ROBIN: Oh, nice!
ROBIN: Now you can have a romantic nap with your boyfriend in there.
JACK: Now.
JACK: My berry farmer is back.
JACK: Don't you fucking dare kill him.
ROBIN: Well our guard is just upset because he doesn't have weapons, and when I try to give him a weapon,
ROBIN: he just, I just shoot him instead. So I'm gonna run away into the forest and never come back.
ROBIN: *whining*
JACK: Workbench
ROBIN: *whispering* What are you doing, guard man?
JACK: Colonists will work the set amount is reached-- until the set amount is reached in stockpile. Whoa!
ROBIN: Hup! Hup!
JACK: You making noises? 
ROBIN: Yep.
JACK: Where are you?
ROBIN: I'm back at the shaving foam.
JACK: What are you doing?
ROBIN: Just shaving.
ROBIN: No, I'm just taking--having a bath.
ROBIN: Dude, I've been, I made a house. I'm sweaty.
ROBIN: I need a, to just rinse off.
ROBIN: What are you doing, you're just standing there looking creepy?
JACK: Yeah, I'm trying to figure out how the fucking game works. We haven't made any progress yet.
ROBIN: What are you talking about?
ROBIN: We made a berry farm.
ROBIN: We've hired a guy. I'm just gonna execute him
ROBIN: Punch him. *laughing*
JACK: Goddammit, man. Why are you killing people?
ROBIN: Well? There's nothing else to do
ROBIN: I don't know what, how, what is happening with anything ever?
ROBIN: The science man is just
standing by the science thing. This guy's just standing by by a block. The other guy is just standing by the berries.
JACK: Can you not see the things above their heads?
ROBIN: Nope.
JACK: Oh, well that's why they're doing that, they're researching.
ROBIN: Oh! To me, they're just standing there staring at nothing. 
JACK: This guy's making shit.
ROBIN: I don't see anything at all. Oh, now he's just moving for no reason.
JACK: Where you going?
JACK: I think they put it there, and that's our stockpile so...
JACK: When you click 'i' all that stuff that he just did is now in our inventory. But we need to start actually
making wheat, which we need wheat production for in our research, otherwise our colonists are gonna die, and our economy will not survive.
ROBIN: Ok and how do we do that?
JACK: I don't know that's what I've been trying to figure out for a half-hour.
ROBIN: I'm putting down some wheat seeds and see what happens.
ROBIN: Wheat! Grow, grow!
ROBIN: What?
JACK: Can you not see these blue blocks?
ROBIN: Uh, nope.
JACK: Oh. I guess it's only on my screen then.
JACK: Ok I'll mark this area then, as a...
...a little thing. "Occupied by blocks".
JACK: Ok, well
JACK: Thanks game.
ROBIN: Torch. Oh! I'mma put down some torches, so we can see what happens at night.
ROBIN: Torch! Ahh, that's nice.
ROBIN: Torch.
ROBIN: I mean,
ROBIN: They, they could have done, they could have put in some effort to make it look like not minecraft.
JACK: *laughing* Yeah
ROBIN: The whole thing's looking so much nicer with some torches.
JACK: It is! We need...
JACK: Maybe need a roof on this place.
ROBIN: Can you sleep now?
*both laughing*
ROBIN: Sleep well it's a nightlight
ROBIN: Ok well
ROBIN: Now what? What do we do? Should I make some... I'll make some more ammunition and just defend us against
ROBIN: the hoarders
JACK: Invaders.
ROBIN: Invaders must die
ROBIN: Get it because it's a song?
JACK: I get it.
ROBIN: Ha ha! I like how they just crumble. Just, 'ah, for fuck's sake.'
JACK: It's like, 'Oh, I'm dead. Oh, No.' Ok, I'm making our roof, and I'm making it nice
ROBIN: Be sure to make it and check it twice
JACK: I am. There.
ROBIN: Look at it.
JACK: A giant wooden house.
JACK: This is very cozy!
ROBIN: It's actually kinda cozy in here.
JACK: It's very symmetrical. It's very--
ROBIN: Put one more block here, right above the, right here.
ROBIN: There we go.
JACK: Very nice!
ROBIN: It is a little bit unsettling though that there are three people sleeping with their eyes open in here, but--
ROBIN: Oh no! You got it?
JACK: I did. Just three punches and they're dead.
ROBIN: I know. *laughing*
JACK: Oh, here's another one. J'accuse! I come for you, zom!
ROBIN: Get him. You can do it! I believe in you!
JACK: You barely even pays attention to me. He's just like, 'Ah, fuck.'
ROBIN: They just have their own agenda.
ROBIN: They're just passing through, they don't even have any like quarrel with us. They're just like, 'I'm gonna go over...
ROBIN: ...the other side of the world.'
ROBIN: No! We're very territorial here
JACK: He's gonna kill our colonists!
ROBIN: No! I got him.
JACK: Nice.
ROBIN: So that's what they try to do then, ooh.
JACK: So if when I click on the colonists
I can make them berry farmers, guards, miners, foresters, flax and herbs, or wheat farmers.
ROBIN: Okay.
JACK: But I can't do flax, herbs, and wheat farms until I have that unlocked, and I don't know how to unlock it.
ROBIN: Hmm.
ROBIN: But if you access the science machine
JACK: Yeah.
ROBIN: Can you like, if you research the-- because there was an option to research flax something.
JACK: Yeah, I'm clicking select to research and nothing happens.
ROBIN: Oh.
ROBIN: Well, that's....
ROBIN: ...good.
JACK: Okay, are you what are you doing with berries, how do I fuckin'..?
ROBIN: Anything.
JACK: He just left. What are you doing come back? Oh!
JACK: He's doing a bread thing!
ROBIN: Who, what? I want to see this bread thing!
JACK: Well you can't see the icons above their heads.
ROBIN: No.
JACK: He walked away with the bread. *gasps* He's researching it! Oh, okay. I'm fucking stupid
ROBIN: Look the wheat has grown! Although, there's less of them now.
JACK: Yeah, when I pulled them up, I didn't get them all.
ROBIN: Awh.
JACK: Also all the stuff that we're making, and all the berries and everything that we got, need to be in our stockpile.
JACK: When you press 'i' they need to be in like the big menu.
ROBIN: Okay.
JACK: And that counts as them being able to use them. So I had them in my in my inventory.
JACK: Which wasn't helping.
ROBIN: Oh, okay.
JACK: This guy has copper tools above his head, and they're not working.
JACK: So we need to make some stuff for him.
ROBIN: Ah! Why am I tiny? I'm tiny now.
JACK: You're in the ground.
ROBIN: Help! I can't move outside this one square.
JACK: Yeah, you're stuck! Wait wait, stay still, stay still.
ROBIN: You're such a big man now.
JACK: Can you move? Can you jump? There you go.
ROBIN: There was quickgrass.
ROBIN: Daytime slinger guard. Do, do, do this. Oh, he's doing it!
ROBIN: Look! I put down, I put down a path for my guard, so he's gonna patrol this now.
JACK: *robot voice* 'What is my purpose?' You bring butter.
ROBIN: Although I do want him to be on night.
JACK: Alright, well. We're in a serious issue because we don't have any of the stuff that we need. We don't have any copper.
JACK: We don't have any copper tools. We don't have any of that shit.
ROBIN: Yeah. We do. There's 13 copper in the stockpile
ROBIN: Looky.
JACK: Those are copper parts.
ROBIN: Well. There's also copper next to it. The one that looks like a tree stump from above
JACK: I'm not seeing that! Oh, man. We don't share the same fucking things?
ROBIN: Really? How many coupler parts do you have in the in the stockpile?
JACK: 13, but to the right of that is firewood and to the left of that is just log.
ROBIN: Oh. I have four copper parts, but then I also have copper.
*outro music begins*
ROBIN: I'm gonna go to bed.
JACK: Yeah, that's a good solution.
*outro music plays*
JACK: Okay, how do we --
ROBIN: Why don't you go into the hole again? 
JACK: No!
JACK: Fuck! No!
