- [Roach] Good morning, good afternoon
and good evening to all of my Roaches!
It's another "Roach
Plays" coming at ya live
from an undisclosed location!
Well, the door should be
open in around seven seconds.
That means we have a
little time to play some
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Hope you guys enjoy
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Well that was relaxing.
Now back to Fortnite.
Everybody knows the safest way to fall
is face-first into the lava.
After my last victory
royale, I know I can't lose!
I'm bound to win another game in no time.
Oh, I recognize this place,
Nor wanted to come here
and find the Hamburgler.
Or, wait, wasn't he the Hamburgler?
Starting off strong with
a sniper, all right!
You know, this is such a nice temple.
It would be a shame if someone were to...
Roach it, haha!
Oo, sacrifices to the Tomato gods!
I'll take that.
Yes! top eight-five and you
guys thought I'd only win once.
And a submachine gun!
Basic but I'll take it.
You might say I'm a basic (beep).
(laughing sarcastically)
This totally isn't disrespectful
to the temple or anything.
Oo, a trap!
Man, all I keep getting is gray guns.
Well, I guess the heavy AR
has gotta be good enough.
Shield potion is nice,
I was gettin' thirsty!
Sorry Roaches, I'm gonna
go look for some treasure.
Let's fast-forward!
(elevator music)
There we go, green Pump!
And I'm on top 56,
definitely can't lose now!
I told you trees I'd be back to kill you
and now here I am, give me that lumber!
Gotta get my exercise in!
Jump, jump.
Jump, jump.
You know Roaches, once
you win the battle royale
you immediately get a target on your back.
Well, the circle's kinda far.
I think I'm gonna have to make a journey.
Cue the speed music!
(elevator music)
Now how'd that cop car get all sideways?
Oh, that's right, when I
robbed Mega Mall (laughs)
Typical Roach rage!
Someone's come to loot some bodies.
Now hold still (gun bangs)
Missed!
Argh, they're jumping all over the place!
I thought I was the only one
with that ingenious strategy!
There's that meteor again,
about to destroy Dusty Depot.
(sniffs) but I have so many
fond memories of Depot!
No!
I wonder how many people dropped
to Dusty Depot this time?
Since it's back and all, lots of players
wanna get the old nostalgia boost!
Hey, comment below and tell me
which one you like better:
Dusty Depot or Dusty Divot?
Maybe I'll take a, Dusty
Dump while I'm here.
I'm about to drop my own meteor.
(canned booing)
everyone's a critic!
Ha-ha, you guys thought I was actually
gonna go to the bathroom?
Not in this house, Roach
only goes to the bathroom
every two weeks!
That's why they call it number two.
A vending machine?
I want Funyuns!
Eh, a Combat Shotgun will do.
Really craving Funyuns, though.
Funyuns, are you listening?
Please send a lifetime supply
of Funyuns to 420 Roach Way!
I'm king of the Depot!
Look at all my loyal subjects!
(sighs) where the heck is everyone?
I've got a Roachin' quota to fill!
Storm's approaching.
Ugh, finally and I'm at top 30!
One top spot closer to the Roach royale!
(villainous laughing)
Whoa! Could it be?
A Driftboard?
Quick, lay love royale!
(upbeat music)
Oh, uh whoops!
I'm like snowboarding legend, Shaun White!
Let's try going up this
hill a little slower.
Roach Rodeo! Look mom no hands!
- You used your hands idiot!
- Wooohooo!
Yeah ughh come on!
I'm gonna need some
slurp juice for that one.
Better heal up from all that damage I took
embarrassing myself in
front of the other Roaches.
Ugh don't look guys, it's
time for a Roach redemption!
Wooohooo yeah!
Oh yeah, this is what fun looks like.
Actually, I'm really digging
not having to Roach anyone.
Not!
I'm already top 25 and I haven't run into
a single dingus, where's my Roach at?
Again, you got to be kidding me,
this is making me look so
bad in front of my fans,
why did I even get on this stupid board?
Ooo Boy, I just saw a blue gun!
Let's dismount and check it out.
Oh my god, a Chug Jug (cough)
Ahem, and a lovely drum gun.
Wish I had someone to test this out on.
Whoa an actual person!(gun bangs)
My favorite test subject!
Oh no you don't.
(gun bang)
Finally, marloso123 just got roached!
I'll take this and this and this.
That launchpad will
definitely come in handy.
(gun clicks)
One kill, top 20 and they say
the perfect game doesn't exist.
(gun clicks)
Back on my boogie board,
let's ride this high.
You guys remember fidget spinners?
(hip hop music)
Uhhh my board! Come back!
(sad piano music)
Nevermind guys, it's all good.
Gonna do some more tricks!
(woosh)
Bailed?
Just like my dad did when he went
to the store for milk!
(crying)
It's my house!
Dad?
Maybe he finally came home with that milk!
Hang in there Dad, I'm coming for ya!
This is where Papa Roach
used to live and sometimes me
when I was bad.
I'm breaking down the
barriers of my childhood!
Be free trauma!
Huh, mom left the T.V. on again.
- I was watching the price is right!
- And no sign of dad.
I'll drink in his memory to you dad!
- I want a DNA test.
(gurgling)
- Dad is that you?
No, its intruders!
(gun bangs)
Four health, oh god, die faster!
Whew! That was a close one!
You fought well Risodollum,
you got Roached on the roof!
Let's try drinking in
dad's honor one more time.
Bottoms up!
(gurgling)
(gun clicks)
Now how do I get out of here?
Hmm something tells me the storm's eye
is shrinking in one minute.
So many memories.
Raaaahhhhh!
Die paper movies!
Top nine and feeling fine!
Where are we going next?
Maybe a mine?
(canned booing)
Ah, I see someone building,
gonna go pay them a visit.
A Roached visit!
(gun click)
(gun bangs)
Get that shield out of my face.
(gun clicks)
Gotta climb.
Got to find the high ground.
(gun bangs)
Nailed it!
He was global but now he's just stew.
Whew, I thought I was gonna
lose that loot in the storm
but I got it!
Gosh for how scary and
dangerous the storm is
it sure does make the sky look pretty!
Or maybe that's just the chug jug talking.
(gun clicks)
Look what they did to my beautiful house!
Well, mom always did want a deck.
I'll make some more additions here.
Hey, I see a bird on the mini map.
(woosh)
And there it is!
I think it might be time
for another robo-Roaching.
Oh gosh oh gosh!
Okay, that would have been a way to go.
Man that bird is really out in the open
and with four people left.
Ugh this is not gonna be easy.
(gun clicks)
Hello final four friend! Ah man
Okay close is clear,
let's get in this thing.
Robo-Roach activate!
I always feel so powerful in these things.
Is this how people who collect
Gundams get their kicks?
(boom)
Whoop!
Almost destroyed my house there.
Sorry mom, last time I
tried to destroy my house
I got grounded for ten years.
- Be careful boy! I build that
back in Fortnite creative.
- Ah yes, surveying my territory.
(gun bangs)
Happy Fourth of July!
Because I'm proud to be Roachmerican
where at least I'll be top three.
And I won't forget that old man of mine
whose name was granpappy.
Well someone didn't like
my singing, whose that?
(gun bangs)
I'm firing in your general
direction, you better get hit.
(gun clicks)
I see you!
Crumbs!
There! Whoa, it's a bird!
It's a plane!
(Boom)
uh what?
Well it still says we're
four people strong.
I'll find you yet.
Another lovely morning
in my childhood home.
I'm gonna just stick around here
since it looks like the
storm is closing in on me.
I love the sound of a
campfire four feet away
from a wooden house.
Safety first Roaches!
(fire crackling)
Time for a little dance break!
(techno music)
Yes, default mech!
(hiphop music)
Three people left and I just spotted one.
I'm gonna bring the fight to you.
Oop, abort!
I'm not good with shooting
Back into the robot!
Come and get me its Roaching time!
(gun clicks)
(gun bangs)
Just let me shoot you!
(gun bangs)
(gun clicks)
(gun bangs)
That's right isskye more like
wasky, you just got Roached!
Back into the safety of my sweaty cockpit.
Or my cockRoach pit.
Get these bad builds off my lawn.
I think someone's here.
I'll self-destruct and murder you.
(gun bangs)
(gun clicks)
How are you still alive?
(gurgle)
(gun clicks)
Haaa!
(gun bangs)
All right this one is for all the funyuns.
Charge!
(gun bangs)
Get back down here.
(gun clicks)
Shields, I need shields.
(gurgle)
(gun clicks)
Where'd you go?
(thud noises)
(gun bang)
I can't get a good shot off.
(gun bangs)
(gun clicks)
Oh no, the storm!
This is really bad timing.
(gun bangs)
Oh man, oh man, oh man!
(gun bangs)
No!
Ugh but you were falling too!
It should have been a tie!
Ah come on man!
Roaches I'm sorry I let you down,
but I'll get 'em next time!
Listen I got to go.
Cool off maybe do some yoga,
take a dip in the old Roach river.
I'll see you guys next
time on "Roach plays"!
Take care everyone!
(upbeat music)
