BOY, THE STOCK MARKET WAS WAY
DOWN TODAY AS THE RISE OF THE
CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES AROUND THE
COUNTRY AND THE WORLD.
THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA
DECLARED A STATE OF EMERGENCY
HERE, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
WONDERING WHAT THEY CAN DO.
EVEN THE RAPPER, LITTLE NAS X
TWEETED, NO JOKING, DOES ANYBODY
KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP WITH
THE CORONAVIRUS?
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THANKS FOR ASKING, LIL' NAS X.
AND YES, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU
CAN DO.
IT'S CALLED THE EL BUMP.
I INTRODUCED THIS ON MONDAY.
IT IS A WAIY OF SAYING HELLO
WITHOUT INFECTING EACH OTHER.
THIS MORNING THE EL BUMP MADE IT
TO THE VIEW.
>> JIMMY KIMMEL IS PROPOSING AN
ALTERNATIVE TO A HANDSHAKE THAT
HE'S CALLING THE EL BUMP.
APPARENTLY THIS IS WHAT IT IS,
I'M GOING TO TRY IT OUT ON YOU.
>> THERE'S, OKAY.
HI.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, AFTER ALL THIS
TIME, HOWIE MANDEL IS A GENIUS.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, HE IS A
GENIUS.
HE DOES THE MANDEL BUMP IS HIS
THING.
BUT THE GOVERNOR OF NEBRASKA
POSTED THIS ON TWITTER.
HE'S DOING THE EL BUMP WITH HIS
FELLOW MAN.
AND THIS IS SHOCKING TO ME, EVEN
THE VICE POODLE OF THE UNITED
STATES IS DOING THE EL BUMP
TODAY.
LOOK AT THIS.
HERE HE IS COMING OFF AIR FORCE
TWO.
AND THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S, I HOPE HE HASN'T BEEN
WATCHING THE SHOW.
THE BEST PART OF THE EL BUMP IS
YOU DON'T NEED A FACE MASK, NOT
THAT YOU CAN FIND A FACE MASK,
THERE'S A SHORTAGE RIGHT NOW OF
THOSE FACE MASKS EVEN THOUGH
THEY DON'T REALLY HELP PREVENT
THE CORONAVIRUS, PEOPLE HAVE
BEEN HOARD BEING THEM, WHICH PU
DOCTORS AND NURSES AND PEOPLE IN
HOSPITALS AT RISK.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY ONE.
IF YOU WANT ONE IT'S VERY EASY
TO MAKE YOUR OWN SAFETY MASK AND
MY TRUSTY GUILLERMO IS GOING TO
SHOW YOU HOW YOU CAN DO THAT
NOW.
ALL YOU NEED IS A COMMON --
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
A FEW COMMON HOUSEHOLD ITEMS.
FOR INSTANCE, LOOK AT THAT.
A COFFEE FILTER.
GET SOME DUCT TAPE, A COFFEE
FILTER, STRAP IT ON AND BREATHE
IN THOSE COLUMBIAN BEANS.
FOR THE NEXT ONE, YES, GO DOWN
TO THE GROUND GUILLERMO.
IF YOU DON'T DRINK COFFEE, WHY
NOT TRY AN OLD BRA?
OR FOR THE FELLAS OUT THERE WHO
MIGHT NOT HAVE A BRA HANDY, GRAB
A SLICE OF COLD PIZZA AND AN
EXTRA THICK RUBBER BAND AND
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ANY FLAT BREAD WILL DO.
AND NOW YOUR MUSTACHE SMELLS
LIKE PEPPERONI.
THAT'S INTERESTING.
THIS IS A CLIP FROM THE FOX NEWS
COVERAGE OF THE MIKE PENCE NEWS
CONFERENCE.
LISTEN CAREFULLY TO SEE IF YOU
HEARD WHAT I HEARD.
>> WHAT'S THRESHOLD?
THE NUMBER OF DEATHS, THE NUMBER
OF CASES?
>> THAT'S A BRIEFING AT THE
WHITE HOUSE.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE
LOU DOBBS IS PRACTICING HIS
TROMBONE?
OUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF IS VERY
FOCUSSED ON THE CORONAVIRUS AND
TRYING TO SELL US ON THE IDEA
THAT IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
HE PHONED IN TO SEAN HANNITY TO
TELL NOT WHAT THE EXPERTS ARE
SAYING BUT WHAT HE'S PERSONALLY
FEELING.
>> A GLOBAL RATE OF 3.4%.
YOUR REACTION TO THAT?
>> I THINK THE 3.4% IS REALLY A
FALSE NUMBER.
NOW THIS IS JUST MY HUNCH, BUT
BASED ON A LOT OF CONVERSATIONS
WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT DO
THIS, BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE
WILL HAVE THIS, AND IT'S VERY
MILD.
THEY'LL GET BETTER VERY RAPIDLY.
THEY DON'T SEE A DOCTOR, THEY
DON'T EVEN CALL A DOCTOR.
>> Jimmy: WE REALLY WOULD HAVE
BEEN BERT OFF WITH A MONKEY
PRESIDENT.
WE REALLY WOULD.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DONALD TRUMP HAS A HUNCH.
HERE'S THING.
IF YOU'RE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, YOU DON'T GO WITH
HUNCHES.
YOU HAVE THE WORLD'S GREATEST
SCIENTISTS, YOU GO WITH THEM,
YOU LISTEN TO THEM.
THE ONLY HUNCH YOU SHOULD HAVE
IS THE ONE IN YOUR BACK WHEN
YOU'RE LEANING OVER THAT
12-PIECE BUCKET OF KFC.
IT'S MILD LIKE THE SALSA AN AT
CHIPOTLE.
>> THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE
EASY CASES, BECAUSE THE EASY
CASES DON'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL.
THEY DON'T REPORT TO DOCTORS OR
THE NAPOLITAN
THE HOSPITAL IN MANY CASES.
I THINK THE NUMBER IS WAY UNDER
1%.
>> Jimmy: PERSONALLY, I WOULD
SAY IT'S WAY UNDER 1%.
WOULD SOMEBODY PUT A MOZZARELLA
STICK IN HIS STUPID HOLE?
HE FLOATED THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE
WITH THE CORONAVIRUS COULD GO IN
TO WORK.
>> SO, IF, YOU KNOW, WE HAVE
THOUSANDS OR HUNDREDS OF
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE THAT GET
BETTER, JUST BY, YOU KNOW,
SITTING AROUND AND EVEN GOING TO
WORK, SOME OF THEM GO TO WORK.
BUT THEY GET BETTER.
>> Jimmy: SEE, FOR HIM GOING TO
WORK MEANS SITTING AROUND
WATCHING NINE HOURS OF FOX NEWS
IN HIS UNDERPANTS.
SO HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT
THAT MEANS.
I DON'T KNOW, ALL HE CARES ABOUT
IS MONEY.
HE'S WORRIED ABOUT THE STOCK
MARKET BEFORE THE ELECTION, SO
HIS PLAN IS TO PRETEND THE VIRUS
AWAY.
AND IT'S ESPECIALLY INTERESTING
THAT TRUMP WILL BE OKAY WITH
SICK PEOPLE GOING TO WORK.
HE SAID IT THE SAME DAY HIS
COMMANDER OF THE CORONA TASK
FORCE TOLD US SPECIFIC LITALLY O
THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.
>> A BRIEF TUTORIAL FOR YOURSELF
AND YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR LOVED
ONES.
IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO STAY HOME
WHEN YOU'RE SICK.
>> Jimmy: WHAT COULD BE, COULD
THERE BE ANYTHING SADDER THAN TO
BE MIKE PENCE?
NOTHING YOU SAY MEANS ANYTHING.
YOU'RE LIKE A SEMI COLON.
YOU'RE REALLY JUST, AS JOE BIDEN
GETS READY TO STORM THE WHITE
HOUSE ATOP HIS RIDE-ON
LAWNMOWER, HIS OPPONENT, SENATOR
ELIZABETH WARREN HAS DROPPED OUT
OF THE RACE.
AMERICAN VOTERS ULTIMATELY
DECIDED SHE DIDN'T HAVE WHAT
THEY WERE LOOKING FOR IN A
PRESIDENT, WHICH IS A PENIS.
AND ELIZABETH WARREN FINISHED A
DISTANT THA
DISTANT THIRD IN THE DELEGATE
RACE.
IT'S HARD TO ARGUE THAT SEXISM
PLAYED A PART.
A LOT OF PEOPLE SAID I'M FINE
VOTING FOR A WOMAN, AFTER
HILLARY, I DON'T WANT TO RISK
IT.
IT'S SECOND HAND SEXISM IS WHAT
IT IS.
WHO WILL SHE ENDORSE?
THEY BOTH WANT THE ENDORSEMENT,
BERNIE AND BIDEN.
AND THAT'S WHAT SHE WAS ASKED
OUTSIDE HER HOUSE
>> WILL YOU BE MAKING ANN T
ENDORSEMENT TODAY?
WE KNOW YOU SPOKE WITH BOTH JOE
BIDEN AND BERNIE SANDERS
YESTERDAY.
>> NOT TODAY.
NOT TODAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Jimmy: SO I GUESS BERNIE HAS
THE EDGE.
THE REMAINING CANDIDATES ARE NOW
BERNIE, JOOIE BIDEN AND TULSI FB
ARD
ARD WHO HAS A FUN REAL ESTATE
VIBE GOING.
BASICALLY, WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO
CHOOSE WHICH TYPE OF BREYERS
VANILLA, THE HOMEMADE, NATURAL 
AND EXTRA CREAMY, WHICH FLAVOR
