 
Looking for Love

### A Montana Love Story

Copyright 2014 © Linda Mayes

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved.

Copyright © 2014 Linda Mayes

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author and/or publisher. No part of this publication may be sold or hired, without written permission from the author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are a product of the writer's imagination and / or have been used fictitiously in such a fashion it is not meant to serve the reader as actual fact and should not be considered as actual fact. Any resemblance to actual events, or persons, living or dead, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.

# CHAPTER 1

"Lucy, please stop swinging on the door. Get your brother and go get in the truck. Where is your sister?" Grace Dowler swiped an unruly lock of her curly blonde hair back out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. As Lucy, her over-active six year old, ran off to find her brother, Grace picked up the last cardboard box from the floor of the home where she had lived with her husband and children for the past eight years. She looked around the empty room and sighed. She had spent hours working on the trim to get it just the right color, and she had laid the tile around the fireplace herself. She had decorated and re-decorated the nursery three times, and then had taken pain-staking care to decorate each child's room just so as they grew older. She let out a heavy sigh. She was going to miss this old house. Looking up the stairwell she yelled, "Macy! Come on, baby girl we have to go."

A minute or two went by before Macy, her oldest daughter, stuck her dark head out of her bedroom door. Looking at her mother defiantly she said, "I'm not going," and then ducked back inside.

Grace let out a low growl and set the box down. Lucy and Grace's son, Brock, came around the corner from the kitchen just then.

"If Macy doesn't have to go, can I stay too?" Brock asked, innocently.

Grace ruffled his curly, always messy hair. The poor baby had gotten it from her. "No, Brockie," she told him, "Macy's not staying here. We're all going to Grandmother's together. Now, go get in the truck with Lucy and me and Macy will be right there."

Lucy and Brock did as they were told, and Grace headed up the stairs. She found Macy sitting in the window seat of her own empty room. She was clutching a rag doll that she had carried since she was just a baby. She looked so small to Grace, and the troubled mother felt her heart ache in her chest as she looked at her.

Macy didn't turn to look at her when she came in the room, but she heard her mother enter, so she repeated, "I'm not going." She sat looking out the window at the big oak tree where her daddy had hung a swing for her and her sister several years back.

Grace sat down next to her daughter. Macy had long, straight black hair and dark brown eyes like her father. She was a beautiful child, and it never failed to amaze Grace how stubborn someone who looked so sweet and delicate could be. She took her daughter's hand and said, "Macy, look at me." Macy looked at her mother, with big tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. "I know how hard this is on you. You're getting ready to start the third grade, and now you have to leave your school and all of your friends. I wish we could stay here, honey, really, I do. But, Mama needs to find work so that we can have a place to live. Until then, your grandmother was kind enough to say that we can stay with her."

"We had a place to live, until you made Daddy leave."

Grace sighed again. "Macy, I didn't make your daddy go. He got a new job remember? It's too far for Daddy to drive every day, so he's going to find a place closer to his work in California. It was what he wanted to do." That, and sleep with as many twenty-year-olds as would have him, Grace thought to herself, but didn't share that with her daughter.

"Grandmother scares me," Macy told her, the tears breaking free and rolling down her smooth, delicate little cheeks at last.

Grace took her daughter in her arms and gave her a big hug. "You know what, baby? Grandmother scares me a little, too," she told her truthfully but with a smile. Grace looked at her watch then and said, "I'm sorry, honey, for everything, but we have to go now before it's getting too late. We're all going to be just fine, I promise. You'll make lots of new friends and Mama will get a job. Before you know it we'll have our own place."

Macy grabbed her mother and hugged her again, tight. She was eight years old and it was a hard age. She was no longer a baby, but not even a pre-teen yet. It was that in-between stage that no one understood unless you were an eight-year-old girl at least once. Grace understood. She had not only been an eight-year-old girl, but she had been that very same girl, once upon a time. The girl whose father had just abandoned her and her mother for greener pastures, leaving them both to wonder what it was they had done to drive him away.

Grace and the kids got on the road at last. The drive from Boise, Idaho to Belt, Montana where her mother lived was going to take them about eleven hours. Grace had emptied out the savings accounts she had set up for the kids when they were each born, in hopes of giving them a good chunk of money to start their new lives when they finished high school. It wasn't much money, and it was all that she had. Her split with her husband had been less than amicable, and he had left them with practically nothing. What little he'd left them, Grace had used up paying the bills for the past few months, waiting until the school year was over before she made her children leave the only home that they had ever known. The house would be going into foreclosure the following week, and she was at least glad to be getting out before that happened.

It had cost her more than she wanted to spend to rent the moving truck, buy some snacks for the road and get gas, but if she wanted to have anything left when they got to Montana, staying in a motel for even one night would put her way over budget. If she didn't stop, they'd be there in eleven hours. She had brought the portable DVD player, the iPod and lots of DVDs in hopes of keeping the kids entertained along the way.

Grace was trying hard to act like this was all a new adventure. She was doing her best to put her kids' anxieties at ease. It seemed to be working with the two younger ones. They didn't understand yet exactly what was happening. To them, it was just the beginning of a summer road trip. Macy on the other hand had been a silent witness to the last argument that Grace and Macy's father had just before he left for Los Angeles. Grace hadn't known that the little girl had woken up and come down the stairs. She had chastised herself afterward, when she had found Macy crying on the stairs, for being so caught up in her own drama that she hadn't noticed what it was doing to her child.

Grace let the memories flow as she drove. She and Conrad had been married for almost nine years before it had all finally fallen apart. She remembered now the first time she had seen him in the student lounge at the University of Idaho over ten years ago. She even smiled to herself now as she pictured him as he was then. He was so handsome, and self-assured. She wasn't the only woman in the room looking at him, but when he noticed her, he had made her feel like she was the only one there. He had been older than her by six years. To a twenty-one year old girl from a farm in Idaho, he had seemed so sophisticated and worldly. He had invited her to sit with him and had bought her a cup of coffee. He had done most of the talking, seeming to have no problem at all talking to someone he didn't know, and Grace envied him that. She had always been shy, and most especially around boys, or in this case, men.

Conrad told her that he was enrolled at the University in the graduate program for bio-chemical engineering. He said that he had done his under-graduate work at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, where he was from, impressing her further. Grace had always dreamed of going to California. Television and the movies had always made it look like people in California were so happy. Happy was not something Grace had experienced much in her lifetime.

Her father had left home just a few weeks before her eighth birthday. He hadn't even told her goodbye in person. Instead, he had bought her a Hallmark card with a sappy saying on it about the love of a father, and told her he'd be in touch. Grace had been devastated. Her father had been her world, and he had left her alone with her mother who was a bitter, unhappy woman. She ripped the card to shreds, thinking that if he really loved her, he would have taken her along. How could he leave her here? He, of all people, knew how cold her mother could be. Once he was gone, the bitterness inside her mother had seemed to fester, and her mother had become colder and more withdrawn toward Grace than she had ever been.

Grace had spent the remainder of her childhood lost in her daydreams of a knight in shining armor finding her and taking her away from all of this, and doing her best, to no avail, to win her mother's affections. She had been a good girl, studying hard and getting straight A's in school. She cooked and baked and cleaned. She helped out the farm workers when it was time to harvest the fruit trees. She had hardly dated during high school, opting instead to study, work, or spend her weekends doing the only thing that ever seemed to make her mother happy, quilting.

Her mother loved to make quilts, and when Grace was growing up, her mother had supplemented the income they took in from the small farm her father had left them with by making beautiful quilts for people in the town where they lived. Once word got out about the quilts, she had even started getting orders from the surrounding counties. It gave her something to do, and sometimes while she was quilting, she would even open up and talk to Grace about her own childhood. She even smiled sometimes; something Grace rarely saw her do. Sometimes Grace thought that she had finally found what she needed to break through her mother's icy shell, only to have that idea shattered the moment the quilt was done, and her mother had retreated back into her room with her television and her glass of wine.

Grace had gotten a scholarship to the University of Idaho. It was close to home, but as far as Grace was concerned, it would be a whole world away. She was able to live on campus in the dorms, and once away from her mother and the darkness of her world, Grace began to blossom.

During her sophomore year in college, her mother had called to tell her not to come home for Christmas. She had sold the farm, and was moving to Montana. She had bought a house just outside of Belt, Montana of all places. It was a town with less than a thousand people, and Grace couldn't understand why anyone would want to live there. Her mother had bought a small shop in town, she had told her, and was planning to open up a quilting business. Grace remembered that her first thought was what a terrible businesswoman her mother would be. She never made any secret of the fact that people only annoyed her.

Grace had gone home once more to help her mother pack and gather the rest of their things. Since then, she and her mother had talked on the phone a few times a year, and her mother had visited them twice in the past nine years. The first time had been just after Macy had been born, and the second time was for Christmas when the kids had been six, four and three. Grace had begged her to come, and had held out hopes that being a grandmother would warm her mother up, but it hadn't seemed to. Her mother had been almost as cold with her grandchildren as she had been with Grace. Grace had decided then to give up on the warm, fuzzy relationship that would never happen and concentrate on her own family.

That had gone well up until about six months ago. Conrad had started coming home later and later. Grace normally wouldn't have thought much about that. His hours on the job often varied greatly depending on the company's current assignment. What made her worry originally, was the fact that although he was seemingly working an excessive amount of hours, he was constantly telling her they needed to stop spending so much money or their savings would soon be depleted. Conrad paid all the bills, but Grace had found a letter from the mortgage company in his desk threatening foreclosure. When questioned why they had suddenly gone from comfortable to living on a shoestring and being behind on something as important as their mortgage, he had become enraged, telling her that maybe if she "got off her ass" and got a job they could live better.

Conrad had been the one who had wanted Grace to be stay at home mom in the first place. She had still been in college when she discovered she was pregnant with Macy. Conrad had insisted they get married right away and he be the one to support them. Grace had objected at first, but by the time Lucy was born she realized that the cost of daycare and the stress of leaving the children with strangers wouldn't be worth the payoff of whatever she might earn. It had worked well for almost nine years, and then all of a sudden, Conrad objected.

Grace had learned the hard way, growing up with her mother, that conflict never amounted to more than an upset stomach and regret, so she had told Conrad that as soon as Brock began school in the fall, she would look for a job. She had hoped that would fix whatever was causing his foul mood, but it hadn't. He became more sullen anytime he had to spend time with her and the children, and more and more stingy with the money. He had started giving her less than half of the normal budget for groceries even.

One evening, when Conrad was supposedly working late, Brock had an asthma attack. Grace called him and the call went straight to voicemail. She left a message and told him that she had to take Brock to the hospital and she needed him to come and pick up the girls so they didn't have to sit in the waiting room of the ER. Once they got to the hospital, she decided to try him at the office. He had always told her to call his cell phone if she needed him at work. He had said the company had strict rules against personal calls, but this was an emergency, and she thought it would be okay. When the receptionist answered and Grace asked for Conrad Dowler she was put on hold. After what Grace thought was an exceptionally long time, a man came on the line.

"Hi, this is Mike Lord. Can I ask who is looking for Mr. Dowler?" the man asked.

"Yes, this is his wife, Grace. Our son is ill and I need to reach him. He's not answering his cell phone."

The man on the other end sounded sad as he said, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Dowler. Your husband isn't here. He hasn't actually worked here for almost two months."

Grace didn't know what to say. "There must be some mistake," she said at last. "Conrad Dowler is who I'm looking for. He's a bio-chemical engineer, and he's worked for your company for almost eleven years."

The man cleared his throat and said, "There's no mistake Mrs. Dowler. I'm very sorry. I don't know why Conrad wouldn't have told you, but I let him go myself in June."

Grace's mind began to work then. It was August now. June was when Conrad had begun to act grumpy and sullen. It was also shortly after that when he began to budget their money tightly as well. She felt like such a fool.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you Mr. Lord. I'll let you get back to your work."

"It was no bother, Mrs. Dowler," the man said with real regret in his voice. "I'm the one who is sorry. I hope your son will be okay," he told her before hanging up the phone.

Grace hung up the phone feeling like crying, but right then Brock needed her, so crying could wait. She managed to keep the girls occupied with crayons and a coloring book while Brock got a breathing treatment. Once she had loaded them all back in the car and was headed home she allowed herself to think about it. She didn't understand why Conrad hadn't told her that he'd lost his job. They had always shared everything until recently, and it seemed to all start about the same time. She promised herself on that ride home that, like it or not, Conrad was going to talk to her when he got home. She deserved at the very least, the truth.

Grace was shaken from her memories by Lucy's voice. She and Brock had been engrossed in a DVD so far and Macy was still sulking, so the ride had been unusually quiet. The DVD had apparently ended, and now Lucy was saying that she needed to use the bathroom.

"Are you sure, Lucy?" Grace asked her. "We've only been on the road a little over an hour baby."

"She didn't go before we left like you told her," Brock said.

"Okay, Brockie," Grace warned. "No tattle-tales. Lucy, I'll pull off as soon as I can."

Grace found a place off the freeway a few miles up, and after all three children had used the bathroom, and Lucy and Brock had begged enough change out of her to get a snack from the vending machine, they were back on the road. The kids were back to watching another movie, and Grace was cursed once again with memories of things she'd rather not think about.

When Conrad had finally gotten home that night, well after midnight, Grace was awake and waiting.

"Conrad," she said, startling him as he came in the room.

"Grace, what are you still doing up?" he asked, his tone indicating he was not happy about it.

"We need to talk," she said, more firmly than usual.

"About what, Grace? I'm tired."

"Did you even listen to my voicemail?" she asked him.

Conrad sat in the chair across from her and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. Looking at the face of it he said, "No, I didn't even realize you had called. What happened?"

She told him about Brock's asthma attack and their trip to the hospital. Before he could interrupt her, she said, "I called your work too."

He looked at her then with fire in his eyes and said, "So then I suppose you know I don't work there anymore."

"Yes, I know that. What I don't know is why you didn't tell me. What happened Conrad?" she asked.

"I just got laid off. The details aren't important."

"And why didn't you think I needed to know?"

"It's not like you were going to support us," he said in a hateful voice.

"I could have tried to help," she said. "Where do you go every day, Conrad, when you're supposed to be at work? And at night, too, sometimes?"

He was silent for a long time, and she thought he wasn't going to answer her. When he did, it was the equivalent to being slapped in the face as far as Grace was concerned.

"I don't love you anymore, Grace. I want a divorce."

Grace sat there looking at him, stunned before asking, "Is there someone else?"

Conrad had smiled then, and it seemed to Grace that something like relief might have even crossed his face. "Yes, and I do love her." He stood up and continued, "I've been looking for another job. I have an interview in Los Angeles next week. You have until the end of the month to get out of the house. I'll take care of the divorce." He walked away, dismissing her, just like that. She sat there feeling like she was caught up in a bad dream, hoping if she were that she'd awaken soon. Conrad had never given her any indication he wasn't happy in their marriage, and suddenly he wanted someone new, a divorce, and seemingly a whole new life.

The next few weeks had passed in a blur. Conrad had announced that he had gotten the job in LA and he and his girlfriend would be moving out there the following week. That was the fight Macy had witnessed. Grace had asked him how he could do that to his children. Conrad had told her that he was tired of being the one who took care of everything and he needed to be with a woman who was strong enough to take care of herself. He said that once the kids saw how happy "Heather" made him, they would be glad he had left.

Grace forced herself to stop thinking about it now. The fight had gotten ugly and they had both said things that Macy should have never heard either of them say about each other. She had though, and now Grace needed to do her best to pick up the pieces. Conrad had told her that once he got on his feet, he would start sending child support and have the kids out to visit him. Grace wasn't sure either of those things would ever happen, and she wasn't going to waste time right now worrying about it. She had to do whatever was necessary right now to take care of her children. She was much stronger than Conrad had ever given her credit for, and she was going to prove that.

***

The drive seemed endless to Grace once they reached Montana. It was a beautiful state, but the land stretched out for miles, dotted with a farmhouse here and there and nothing but mountains and prairies in between. It was already dark by the time they got to the border, so the kids didn't even get to enjoy the sights of all the horses and livestock they were inevitably passing. When they finally reached Belt, all of Grace's babies had fallen asleep. Grace drove slowly through the tiny town. She looked at the storefronts as she drove. There was a small grocery store, a hardware store, an ag-supply, and then she saw it, her mother's quilt shop. She stopped for a moment in front of it and admired the quilt in the window. Her mother was good, she had to give her that. The quilt was brown and tan, felt and suede, with images of wild horses sewn in by hand. It was beautiful. She made a mental note to tell her mother so, hopefully getting them off on the right foot once they were there.

Grace drove out of Belt and got on the highway that her mother had told her to take. She had tried to map it out on her smart phone but even Siri didn't know anything about the outskirts of Belt, Montana. She drove about five miles before coming to a service road with a tiny white sign: NEW BEGINNINGS ROAD. Grace smiled. It was such an appropriate sign, but definitely not like her mother to put up something with such a hopeful sounding name. It had to have already been there, or was put up by someone else.

She drove slowly down the long pitch-black dirt road. It was uneven in places, wider in some and narrower in others. The truck bounced so hard in some places that it woke up Macy. The little girl looked out into the darkness and asked, "Are we lost?"

"No," Grace reassured her. "We're almost there."

"Great," said Macy, rolling her eyes and then closing them again.

Grace looked at her for just a few seconds, and when she looked back at the road there was a dog—or some animal—standing about six feet in front of her, directly on the road. She slammed on the brakes, causing them to skid sideways and almost go off the road. That woke all of the kids. The animal ran off into the darkness as Grace sat there trying to regain her bearings.

"What's wrong, Mama? What happened?" Lucy and Brock were both asking in sleepy little voices. Macy just looked at her, wide-eyed.

Grace took in a deep breath and said, "Everything's okay. There was a dog in the road, but we missed him."

She put the truck back in drive, and as she started moving slowly forward, Brock and Lucy shouted, "Yay! Grandmother has a dog!"

Grace seriously doubted it. Her mother wasn't a dog person, and besides, that thing in the road hadn't looked like anyone's pet.

They came to the end of the road and it branched off in two directions. One way had a large sign over the road that read: Harwell Ranch, with an engraving of a pair of bull's horns against what looked like a setting sun. On the other side of the road was simply a wooded arrow with the name Payte burnt into it in a crooked fashion. Grace sighed and turned right. "Here we come, Mother," she whispered to herself.

The second dirt road was almost as long as the first. It finally came to an end in front of a cute little redwood house. The porch light was on, but the rest of the house looked dark. Grace hoped her mother hadn't given up on them and gone to bed and locked the doors. She turned off the truck and told Macy, "You wait here with your brother and sister, and I'll be right back."

Grace went up the three steps to the front door. She could see now that the main door was standing open, probably in a futile attempt to let some cool night air in through the screen. It was a humid, August night in Montana and it didn't feel to Grace like any air was moving at all. She raised her hand to knock, just as she saw her mother come into the room.

"Hi, Mama," Grace said through the screen.

Maggie Payte squinted toward the door and asked by way of greeting, "Where are the kids?"

"They're in the truck. I wanted to make sure you were up before we all unloaded."

"Well, I said I would be, didn't I?" her mother asked, still not coming closer to the screen door.

"Um, yes, you did." It amazed Grace how a few words with her mother could transport her back twenty years. She felt like she was twelve all over again. "I'll go get them," she said.

When she reached the truck, Macy was sitting against her door looking like she wanted to cry again, and Lucy and Brock were arguing over the last candy bar. Grace opened the back door and, taking the candy from Lucy's hand, said, "No one gets it, it's too late for candy. Now, get on out of there, Grandmother is waiting." She grabbed the bag she had packed with what they would need for the night, leaving the rest of the unpacking for morning.

Lucy and Brock both unbuckled their seatbelts and scrambled toward her. Macy continued to slump against the front passenger door. Grace helped the little ones down and said, "Macy, let's go, it's late," in a firm voice.

Macy unbuckled her belt and grabbed her small tote bag that she carried her journal and other personal items in. She lowered herself down out of the truck. Looking around as they approached the house she told her mother, "It looks deserted out here."

"It's a bit out of the way," Grace agreed, drawing on her reserve of patience. "Town's not too far though."

She thought Macy rolled her eyes again, but couldn't really see her in the dark. When they got back to the door, Grace's mother was still rooted to the same spot. Grace stood on the top step for a second before Maggie said, "Well, are you coming in?"

Grace swallowed down a heavy lump in her throat as she pulled open the door and ushered the kids in. She closed and locked the door behind them. Brock attached himself to her leg like he always did when he was feeling shy or nervous. Macy stayed behind her, not wanting to hold on to her and look like a baby, but not eager to see her grandmother either. Lucy, always Grace's little love bug, ran straight to her grandmother who she hadn't seen since she was a toddler and threw her little arms around her waist. Maggie looked down at her and back at Grace like she was unsure what to do at first. Finally, she patted the child on the back of the head and then took a step back, detaching herself.

"Your rooms are to the right there. There are two of 'em. There's a bathroom in the middle. G'night." She turned around then and headed back to what was apparently her room, leaving them standing there without even a hello. Grace was the one to roll her eyes this time. Lucy shrugged her little shoulders, making her smile.

"Come on guys, I'm beat. Let's get some rest," she told them. As they made their way to where her mother had told them to go, Grace turned back to where the older woman had retreated and said, "Thank you, Mother." There was no response, but Grace was sure she had heard.

# CHAPTER 2

Grace was woken the next morning by an elbow to her right eye. "Ow! Brock, what are you doing here?" she asked as she sat up. As she did, she had to roll Lucy off her other side. "Why are you two in here?" she asked again. "Was there something wrong with your room? Where's your sister?"

"It was too dark in there, Mama," Lucy said. "Brock was scared."

Grace picked her daughter up and kissed her nose. "Oh, I see, Brock was scared," she said. "So you came with him just to put him more at ease?" Lucy nodded. Grace smiled. No matter how bad things had ever gotten, her children could always make her smile. Lucy most of all. It was ironic, Grace thought. Lucy was the one of her children who most resembled her mother. She had the same strawberry blonde hair and ice blue eyes as Maggie. That was where the resemblance stopped, however. Lucy was funny and warm and sweet and kind; all of the things her mother wasn't. Grace hugged her tight and then hooked her son under other arm and did the same. She threw back the covers and said, "Let's go get your sister and see if we can find some breakfast."

Grace put on her robe and passed through the bathroom to get to the bedroom where the children were supposed to have slept. She found Macy there, still in bed with the large comforter pulled over her head. Grace pulled the cover back and Macy turned on her side away from her. "Hey sleepy head, let's go get some breakfast, okay?"

"I'm not hungry," was Macy's reply.

Sighing heavily Grace said, "Come on, Mace. New place, new start, okay? I know none of this is what you want, okay. But like I told you yesterday, none of us have another choice right now. So come on and get up, get dressed and let's start a new chapter of our lives. It's exciting if you think of it that way, right? We get to fill in all the blank pages and best of all, write our own ending."

Macy turned on her back and looked at her mother, with Conrad's eyes. "That was corny," she said.

Grace smiled. "I know, but it got your attention."

Macy threw back the rest of the covers and said, "I'm getting up because I'm hungry."

"Well, that's a start," Grace told her.

There was no sign of Grace's mother as they made their way to the kitchen. Grace found a note on the table that simply said, "Gone to work. Eggs in the fridge." She read it and thought it was probably the biggest welcome they would ever get from her mother. It actually motivated her that much more to find a job, and quickly.

Grace had to take the truck back to a station in Belt where they would pick it up, or rent it out again, she wasn't sure. What she did realize after they had dropped it off was that they were definitely not in Boise any more. She asked the young man who worked at the station if he had a number for the local cab service. He looked at her like she had two heads and told her, "The closest cab company is about a hundred miles away, I think." Grace thanked him anyway and took her children by the hand, not sure what to do now.

She supposed they could walk to her mother's shop. She hadn't seen a car at her mother's place last night, but Maggie obviously must have one in order to get to town and back. Once she had gotten her bearings, they began to walk toward the north end of town where Grace remembered seeing the shop. An old, beat-up pick-up stopped for them as they crossed the street. The man behind the wheel smiled and tipped his cowboy hat at her. She smiled back and gave him a thank you wave for stopping. Grace noticed that there were a boy and girl in the truck also. The boy was probably a couple years older than her Macy and sat next to the window. The girl sitting in the middle looked to be about Lucy's age. It made Grace feel better to know there were at least two young children in this town that seemed to be made for adults.

They reached her mother's shop and found her talking to a customer. Grace and the kids stood quietly as Maggie handled her business. Grace was fascinated as she watched her mother smile and exchange pleasantries with the woman. It even looked genuine, she thought. As the woman turned to leave, she noticed Grace and the kids. "Oh, Louise," her mother was saying, "this is my daughter, Grace, and my grandkids, Macy, Lucy and Brock."

Grace was genuinely shocked now. Maggie had introduced them as if she were any other grandmother, and not one who hadn't even seen her grandchildren in years. Grace was the one to force a smile as she held her hand out toward the woman and said, "Hi, I'm pleased to meet you."

The woman took Grace's hand in her large warm one and shook it. "What a delight to meet ya'll," she said, looking down at the children. "Your kids are just beautiful."

"Thank you," Grace told her. This time her smile was genuine.

The woman looked at Lucy and said, "Well I'll be, Maggie. This one here looks just like you did when we were growing up."

Maggie Payte smiled again; this time Grace thought maybe she saw a flicker of pride or something like it in her mother's eyes. She felt like she was caught in an alternate universe. The woman had also said, "When we were growing up. . ." Her mother used to talk about growing up in a small town when they quilting together, but it never dawned on Grace until now that she had never said where. If Belt was Maggie's hometown, that would at least explain her mother's move here after Grace left for college.

The woman was still talking, and Grace heard her say something about the Harwells. That name sounded familiar to her for some reason, and as Louise mentioned that she worked for the family and they had two children, Grace remembered that it had been the name on the sign leading down the dirt road in the opposite direction of her mother's place, and likely the people who had named the little road "New Beginnings." Grace re-focused herself on the conversation.

"Little John, he's ten, and Patty, she just turned seven. They're good kids and they'll be happy to know they finally got some other kids close enough to play with for a change. There ain't many kids here in Belt. There's only about fifty or so students altogether over at the school, and there ain't may activities geared toward children around here."

Grace looked down at Macy's face and she wished the woman would stop talking. Macy's dark eyes were looking up at her mother and smoldering. Louise was giving the little girl more ammunition to use against her mother with each word she spoke. Finally, as the woman took a breath, Grace told her, "Thank you, Louise. It was so nice to meet you and I will make a point of bringing the kids over soon to meet John and Patty."

"We'll look forward to it," she said. Looking out the store window added, "Oh my, there's John waiting for me now. We'll see ya soon, Maggie." She turned and waved as she left the small store. Grace watched as the man in the truck who had stopped for them earlier got out and opened the passenger door for Louise. The children weren't with him any longer. He was a rugged-looking man, a little older than Grace with a cowboy hat and dusty work boots. He glanced in the window just for a second, but Grace couldn't help but notice that he had the prettiest aqua blue eyes and long eyelashes she had ever seen on a man. For a moment she wondered if they were colored contacts, and then she remembered where she was and smiled at her own silliness. Thinking she was smiling at him, he smiled back and gave Grace a small nod of his head. She realized then that she was staring and grew embarrassed. She turned her head back toward her mother.

"That's John Harwell," her mother said, stepping up next to her. "He owns the ranch just south of my place."

"Yes, I saw the sign last night," Grace told her. "I'm sorry to ask, Mother, but I didn't realize there was no cab company here in town. I took the rental truck back and the kids and I have no way back to your house."

Grace's mother looked down at the kids hiding behind their mother. She picked up her purse and took out a set of keys. "The pickup is around back in the alley."

Grace smiled at her mother and took the keys. "Thank you. What time should I come back to pick you up?"

"Never mind about that. I'll get a ride with Charlie. He closes up the grocery store about the same time I close up."

"Are you sure?" Grace asked her. "I don't want to inconvenience you more than we have already."

"It's fine," Maggie said, looking at the kids once more. This time, Lucy smiled at her. Maggie actually smiled back. Grace wondered what kind of alien had invaded her mother's body.

"Okay kids, say thank you to Grandmother and let's get you home for some lunch."

Macy mumbled under her breath incoherently and Brock and Lucy both said, "Bye Gram-mother."

Maggie smiled again and said, "Bye now." Her smile seemed to fade as she looked at her daughter. Although it hurt Grace a bit, she couldn't help thinking that it was at least a start.

***

Grace and the kids had lunch and she helped them put away their things they had brought from Idaho. It wasn't much; they'd had to leave a lot behind. Grace gad packed their favorite toys and clothes, but most of their lives had been left behind in a storage shed until they were able to get their own place. She hoped that wouldn't be long, and after they were unpacked, she sat down in Maggie's dining room to look through the local newspapers she had picked up while they were in town. She had just started when she looked up and saw Macy looking at her. She was holding Grace's iPad in her hand. "It doesn't work here," she told her mother.

"No, baby. I don't think Grandmother has the internet."

"I am going to die here," Macy said, dramatically. Lucy and Brock came out of the bedroom then.

"Can we play outside?" Lucy asked.

Looking at her older, drama-queen daughter, Grace said, "Macy, will you please take your brother and sister outside to play for a while?"

"Serious?" Macy asked.

"Dead serious," Grace said, trying not to smile.

Macy sighed and looked at her siblings, "Come on, dorks."

Normally, Grace would have told her not to call her siblings names, but she let this one go. She watched as the three went out the front door. Before getting back to her paper she told them, "Be careful out there and listen to your sister."

Grace had gotten the small, neighborhood paper while she was in Belt, but as far as jobs went, it wasn't worth much. The paper was more local gossip and fluff than serious news. It made Grace wonder if any serious news ever happened there. She picked up the next paper. It was from Great Falls, which was much larger than Belt and a short commute. She laughed at the thought, since she had nothing in which to commute. She needed a job though, so she searched through the classifieds, finding two jobs that she thought she might qualify for; an office position and a waitress. Grace wrote the numbers down for both and went to get her cell phone out of her purse. She sighed when she looked at it. Feeling like Macy, she said out loud, "I'm going to die here." Her phone had no signal at all. She hadn't thought about it, but she doubted there were many cell towers way out here. She went back into the sitting room and looked around. Her mother had called her monthly when she had lived in Idaho; she had to have a phone.

She looked around the room and didn't see one so she made her way to the kitchen. Not seeing one there either, she went down the hall to her mother's room. The door was cracked just a bit, and she felt like a criminal as she pushed it open. It squeaked on its hinges, and as it opened, it revealed an old iron bed covered with a beautiful quilt. The room was as neat as a pin. There was an oak dresser with a mirror on it. The top was covered with her mother's things, things that Grace remembered from her childhood. She went over and looked at the brush with the silver handle. It was the same brush that Maggie had used as far back as Grace could remember to brush her long, reddish-gold hair. Grace touched it lightly with a finger and smiled at the memory of watching her mother and wishing her hair was straight and not curly like her father's. She turned back toward the bed and that was when she saw the blue phone sitting on the bedside table. She smiled again when she saw that it was an old rotary. She hadn't seen one like it since she was a kid.

Grace went over and sat on the edge of Maggie's bed. She picked up the receiver, but there was no dial tone. Instead, she could hear a voice. It sounded like Louise, the woman she had met earlier at her mother's store. The woman was talking about making pies. Grace wasn't even convinced that anyone was on the other end, Louise was rattling on and on. "Great, a party line," Grace said aloud to the empty room as she replaced the phone in its cradle. "We're living in nineteen seventy." Grace pushed herself up off the bed and that was when she noticed the small picture album sitting next to the phone. There was a picture of Grace in the front of the book, taken when she was only about two or three years old.

Grace sat back down and picked up the book. She smiled at her curly, tow-headed self on the cover. She opened the book and was surprised. There were pictures of her own children. Pictures that she had sent her mother over the years. She had imagined her mother looking at them as she took them out of the envelopes and then sticking them in a drawer or box somewhere out of sight. Instead, here they were in a picture album next to her mother's bed. She continued to flip through the book, smiling at the pictures of her babies. As she did, an envelope fell out. Grace bent down and picked it up. It was yellowed with age, and addressed to her mother. The return address said 'Sam Payte' and it was postmarked Idaho. It was from her father.

Grace sat holding it, looking at her father's handwriting. It had been a long time since she'd seen it. The last letter he had written her had been when she was only fourteen. By that time, he had been living in Nevada and, although the letters were fewer and further between by then, he was still sending her empty promises that someday they would be together again as a family. Grace had already stopped believing it, and it was a good thing since she had never heard from him again.

She sat there now, holding the letter written in her father's hand, telling herself that it was wrong to invade her mother's privacy. She was kidding herself, though, if she thought she had the self-restraint to put the envelope back in its place and leave the room. Instead, she slipped it open and pulled out a letter from inside. It was written on plain white paper in blue ink.

Maggie my love,

It has been much too long since I have seen your pretty blue eyes, or that silky red hair I love to bury my face in. I am working hard to get things ready here. It would be one thing if it were only going to be you and me, but this place was not built with babies in mind. My farm hand, Lucas, is helping me add on a little room. We can make it into a nursery when you get here, and you can decorate it however you'd like. I hope it's a girl, Maggie. I hope she looks just like you. The world needs another smile like yours. It would make it a happier place, that's for sure.

On a less happy note, I know that you won't be able to hide our secret much longer from your Mama and Daddy. I really can't imagine that they would turn their backs on you, Maggie. I've seen how much they love you. I know you worry about it though, so I'll hurry and come get you. We can get married as soon as I do, and no one ever has to know that our little love child was made out under the moon that night. Don't worry, baby. Everything will be okay soon.

I am counting the hours until you are my wife, and we are a family.

All my Love,

Sam

Grace had tears in her eyes when she finished reading. She had always wondered about Maggie's folks growing up. Maggie only talked about them from when she was a young girl, and only during those times that she and Grace were sewing and she had opened up a little. Maggie had loved her father a lot. Grace had been able to tell that from the look Maggie had gotten in her eyes when she spoke about him. It was a really happy look, one that Grace hardly ever saw on her mother.

She also hadn't known that her parents had married after she was conceived. Grace couldn't recall either of her parents ever talking about their wedding, or even ever seeing any photographs of them. She sighed and tucked the letter back in the envelope. There was so much she didn't know about her mother, her own past.

She put the letter back in the photo album and picked the phone up again. She rolled her eyes; Louise was still talking, now about canning preserves. She hung the phone back up and went outside to check on the kids.

By the time Maggie got home that evening, Grace had dinner ready and the kids were bathed and watching a DVD. She had finally gotten through to see about the two jobs she had found in the paper. Louise had been on the phone for hours, but just before five she had finally hung up. Grace had begun dialing as soon as she had heard the tone, but before the call had connected she heard a man's voice.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Oh, I'm sorry, were you trying to use the phone?" the man asked her.

"Yes," Grace told him.

"I'm very sorry. I hope you haven't been trying for long. My housekeeper, Louise, she's a talker."

Grace stifled a laugh and lied, "Oh no, I had only picked up the phone just now."

"Well then, I'm the one holding you up. I'm assuming that you must be Grace, Maggie's girl?"

"Yes, and you are?"

"I'm John," he told her, "John Harwell, your neighbor. I'll let you get back to your call. Welcome to Belt," he said.

Grace thanked him and hung up. Waiting a few seconds, she picked the phone back up and heard a dial tone again. It wasn't nearly as pleasant as John Harwell's voice, she caught herself thinking. She shook that off, and the image of those aqua blue eyes along with it, and had made her calls. The hiring managers for both jobs had gone home for the day. Grace told them she would just call back in the morning. She didn't want them to call her back and end up with chatty Louise on the line. She'd just have to try and beat the talkative woman to the phone in the morning.

Grace had found a chicken defrosting in the refrigerator and had baked it along with some potatoes and squash that looked fresh picked. She found some apples in the refrigerator too, and had sliced and baked them with cinnamon and sugar for dessert.

When Maggie came through the door she sniffed the air and said, "Something smells good."

"Thank you. I hope you don't mind that I made dinner?"

Maggie looked at the kids all huddled together on the couch. "The kids gotta eat. I'll get washed up."

Grace watched her mother go to her room, barely acknowledging her grandchildren and wondered if it would always be this way.

They all ate dinner together, mostly in silence. Lucy and Brock chattered about things they had seen or done while out playing that day. Maggie would nod in their direction every so often, or answer a question with a yes or no, but that was all that she offered. Macy ate quietly. She wasn't talking, but Grace noticed that she was at least not quite as sulky as she had been the night before. She must have had fun playing outside, even though she hadn't said so.

After dinner, the kids went back to their movie and Grace and Maggie cleaned up the dinner dishes. "I called about a couple of jobs today. They're both in Great Falls. Belt didn't seem to have anything," Grace told Maggie as they washed.

"Belt isn't a town that advertises much. If someone needs a job, or has to give one up for some reason, most everybody knows without reading the paper. You know, I was talking to Charlie on the way home. He has a clerk job opening up at the grocery store. There's a girl ready to have a baby."

"Really? That might be better at least until I can get a car and someone to watch the kids."

Maggie nodded. "If you want, you can come into town with me in the morning and go see Charlie. I'll bet Louise wouldn't mind keeping an eye on the kids."

Grace smiled. "I'd like that. Thank you, Mother."

Maggie only nodded again, and that was the end of the conversation that night. Grace had planned on asking her mother about growing up here in Belt, but the moment hadn't felt right. Maggie called Louise before bedtime and told Grace she said she'd love to watch the kids. Grace went to bed with at least a little more hope than she'd had the night before. She had dreams of a man with aqua blue eyes. She woke up flushed and feeling like a young girl. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror that morning, she shook her head and said, "Grace Dowler, the last thing in the world you need is to be thinking about a man right now. Any man."

Louise came by on her way to the Harwell place to pick up the kids after breakfast. Macy, of course didn't want to go, but Grace told her she had no choice. Lucy and Brock were both excited to start making friends and looked forward to the day.

Grace dropped Maggie at her store after a silent ride to town, and Grace continued on to the grocery store at the end of the main street. She went inside and asked the first checkout clerk if Charlie was available. The woman offered Grace a big smile and said, "You must be Maggie's girl!" Grace smile back. 'Maggie's girl' seemed to be her new name.

"Yes, I am," she said, extending her hand to the older woman. "Grace Dowler."

The woman shook Grace's hand. "Hey, Grace Dowler. I'm Sarah. I'll go get Charlie for you, give me just a minute, he's in the back."

Grace nodded and watched as the woman made her way down an aisle to the back of the store. As she looked around, she could see that the store was much more than just groceries. There were two aisles labeled 'Hunting supplies' to her right, followed by 'Hardware' and 'Household supplies.' She figured during the wintertime it the town could be snowed in. It was good to know that Charlie was keeping the town well stocked, just in case.

The woman Grace spoke with came back up the aisle toward her then. There was a tall man following behind her. Grace was surprised when she saw Charlie. When her mother had spoke about him, she had gotten an image of a short, older, balding man. Instead, Charlie was at least six foot four and built like a football player. He had brown hair that just looked messed up, but good at the same time, and as he got closer she could see that he also had very warm, green eyes.

"Grace," he said with a smile, "I'm Charlie, welcome to our town."

Grace smiled back at him; he was definitely easy on the eyes. Extending her hand once more, she said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Charlie."

Charlie shook her hand and invited her back to his office. "Your Mama sure is glad to have you and your kids staying with her." Grace must have looked surprised because he laughed. "Oh, you know Maggie. She acts like nothing is a big deal, but I can see the change in her when she talks about you and her grandchildren."

"Well, thank you, Charlie. Yes, Mama is a hard one to read sometimes."

"Anyways," he said with another smile, "Maggie says you're job hunting. There's not much here in Belt if you don't wanna wrangle bulls or wild mustangs, but my niece is getting ready to go out on maternity leave. She's going to pop any day now and Doctor Thomas, he's our physician here in town, he said she needed to get off her feet or that baby would drop right here in the store. I couldn't promise you anything permanent, but I would reckon that she'd be gone for at least a few months. That would at least give you a start."

"Yes, that would be perfect."

"Well then, welcome to Ford's."

"I got the job?" Grace asked.

"Sure, if you want it."

Grace was surprised. "Yes, of course. I just thought you might want to know something about me or my experience."

Charlie laughed again. "No, Grace, I'm good with you being Maggie's daughter. If you don't know how to do something, Sarah or I will show you. How about you come in tomorrow morning and we'll get you started. I have some things to do today, but I'll be here all day tomorrow."

"Yes, thank you, Charlie," Grace told him, still not believing how easy that was. She knew now that Maggie must have an alter ego she'd been hiding all of those years while raising Grace. Grace could remember cringing at the thought of her mother meeting her friends, or showing up for a parent-teacher conference. She left the store happy. It felt like things would finally start working out. She stopped by and thanked her mother for the job on her way out of town. Like Charlie had said, Maggie acted like it was 'no big deal.' She told Grace to take the truck on home and pick up the kids. She would get a ride with Charlie again that night.

Grace made the left turn on New Beginnings Road instead of the right this time. After a few feet, the road changed from dirt to pavement and the view was gorgeous. There was a white fence that stretched the length of the road, fencing cattle and horses into a deep, green pasture. There was a stretch of purple hills in the background, and the road ended in front of a circular driveway that wrapped around the front of the biggest log cabin Grace had ever seen. She parked the pick up and walked up to the front door. There was another sign like the one at the beginning of the long drive that said 'The Harwell's.' This one had four smaller signs hanging underneath that said 'John,' 'Becca,' 'John Jr.' and 'Patty.' Grace knew from Louise that John Jr. and Patty were the children she had seen the day before. She guessed that Becca must be John Harwell's wife.

She knocked and Louise almost immediately answered the door. The woman wrapped her in a hug, startling her. "Grace! How did it go with Charlie?"

Grace had to take a moment to get her breath back. "It went great. Charlie hired me right away. He seems like a really nice man."

"He's a great kid," Louise said. "I've known his family my whole life. He took over the store a few years ago. His Daddy and Mama were just tired. They raised four boys and ran that store their whole lives. Charlie was the only one of them boys grateful enough to stick around and help them. Poor boy has been through some hard times, but the Lord blessed him with a great attitude, that's for sure."

Louise hardly took a breath as she talked. She didn't say what the "hard times" were that Charlie had been through, and Grace didn't ask. She changed the subject to Grace's kids and what a good day they had all had as she ushered her into a large living room. There was a massive fireplace and seats in the big picture windows that looked out over the green pastures. It was lovely, and when Louise quit talking, Grace told her so.

"Yes, it is a beautiful home," Louise, agreed. "It's too bad that some people never appreciate what they have."

Grace wasn't sure who she was referring to, but in the next instant she was convinced that it wasn't John Harwell. John came into the living room and Louise's entire face lit up. "John!" I've almost got your lunch ready," she told him. "Here, sit with Grace while I go finish it and round up the kids."

John only smiled as Louise bustled out of the room. He motioned at one of the comfy looking over-stuffed chairs. "Please, have a seat."

Grace sat. "Thank you for allowing my kids to stay here this morning."

John sat down in the chair across from hers. "That was all Louise, and she's a Godsend to me and mine."

"Well, I appreciate it just the same," Grace told him. "Your home is beautiful."

John glanced around the room like it was the first time he had seen it. The same sad look that Louise had gotten earlier crossed his face then and he said, "Thank you, I didn't have much to do with the design or decoration. That was all my wife—ex-wife—Becca."

"Oh." Grace could tell it was a sore subject. She didn't know what else to say, so she just left it at that. John deftly changed the subject and asked her about her job interview with Charlie.

"I wouldn't call it much of an interview," she said with a smile. "Charlie just sort of gave me the job."

"Yes, Charlie is a pretty trusting guy. It makes people want to trust him too." John looked like he had more to say about Charlie, but stopped. "I guess there's not much of a market here in Belt. What did you do before you came here?"

"I was a mom, and a wife. It all ended very suddenly, and here I am, starting over."

John gave her another smile, this one empathetic. "I know that feeling well." Before he could go on, all of the children burst loudly into the room.

Lucy ran up to her first, talking a mile a minute as usual. "Mama! They have a castle, a real castle, you have to see it!"

Brock was next. "And a pony and two dogs and a raccoon, Mama! A real, live raccoon!"

Grace looked at Macy. She was smiling too, an actual real smile. They were all covered in dirt and kid sweat, but they looked happier than they had in weeks. She smiled. "Well, I am so glad you kids had a good time. I hope you were good, and you said thank you to Louise?"

They nodded. "We did, Mama," Macy said for them.

Standing up then, Grace excused her family. "We best get going then and let them have their lunch. Say thank you to Mr. Harwell too, please."

John stood up too, and the kids thanked him. "Ya'll can come over anytime," he said. "It's good for John and Patty to have some other kids to play with finally."

John walked them to the door, and as the kids ran toward the pickup, Grace turned back to him and said, "That's the happiest they've been in a while. The move hasn't been easy on them. Thank you, truly."

John surprised her then by taking one of her hands in his. He looked at her with those aqua eyes she felt like she could go swimming in. "We've all been through a lot lately too. It's all about new beginnings now. Welcome to our lives, Grace."

Grace felt her face flush with heat. She told herself that a college-educated woman like herself should be better at making conversation than she was. There was something about this man though that made her feel like a schoolgirl again. She simply smiled and said, "Thank you," again, feeling like an idiot as she drove away.

# CHAPTER 3

For the next several days, Grace worked with Sarah at the store, getting to know the routine and how to work the cash register. Sarah also told Grace that she was in charge of the hunting and fishing items. She had grown up not far from Belt, with a father and five brothers who had taught her well. She was quite a bit older than Grace, but funny and smart and easy to talk to. Grace hadn't realized, until now, how hard leaving her own friends behind had been. She'd been so worried about her kids that she hadn't put much thought into her own needs.

Charlie was busy during those first few days helping Sarah with the cash register and stocking and ordering supplies. He made a point, however, to walk Grace through everything he was doing as he did it. He was easy to talk to as well, and they both made Grace feel welcome and needed at the store. She left each day with a feeling of accomplishment, and a renewed sense of worth. She hadn't even realized that she'd been missing that until now.

She noticed that many of the women who came into the store would flirt with Charlie. He was always friendly, and would ask each of them about their kids or their husband, but never seemed to really be flirting back. Grace wondered what such a nice looking man was doing single at his age, running a grocery store alone and driving the lady who ran the quilt shop home every night. He knew it wasn't her business, but the small-town culture was beginning to rub off on her. So one day while she and Sarah were having their lunch and Sarah was talking about who had married and divorced whom in town, she saw an opening.

"Has Charlie ever been married?"

Sarah looked sad and said, "Yes, he was married. The poor boy, he's been through so much."

"A divorce?"

"No," Sarah started, "much worse." She glanced behind her at the break room door before she went on. Grace could tell she was trying to make sure they weren't overheard. "Charlie married his high-school sweetheart. They both went away to college after high school, different ones, but they found their way back here and to each other. Celeste. She was a beautiful girl. She was happy and warm, like Charlie. They got married and Charlie took over the store and Celeste worked with him. She was the one who would run to Great Falls if we needed something and couldn't wait for a delivery, or go to all the farmer's markets in the area to get fresh produce." She stopped and looked at the door again. Grace could tell that the woman was nervous talking about it.

"Sarah, if you'd rather not talk about it—"

"No, it's okay. It just makes Charlie so sad that I can hardly stand it. I, well actually, we, no one in town, talks about it in front of him, ever. Anyways, Charlie and Celeste had a little girl. Her name was Celia. She was a sweet, angelic baby and her daddy loved her more than anything in this world. He would bring her to work with him from the time she was born. He set up a cradle for her there in the back before she could walk, and when she could, she'd be running up and down these aisles, laughing and playing. She was the kind of kid that made people happy." Sarah stopped talking again, this time wiping a stray tear from her eye. Grace felt bad about asking now. She wasn't sure, but she thought she could sense where the story was going and it was going to be very badly. She started to stop Sarah, but then the other woman said quickly as if she were just trying to get the words out, "She should have been here that day, the day she and her mama died. Charlie hadn't been feeling well, though, so Celeste took her with her to Great Falls. The sheriff said that the driver of the truck that hit them must have fallen asleep. He said that they both died instantly, I don't know if knowing that helps a person or not. Dead is dead, and poor Charlie was devastated."

"Oh my goodness, poor things," Grace said sincerely. She was sorry she had asked now. She felt guilty that here she was going around feeling so bad for herself because her life had seemingly fallen apart. She realized, hearing Charlie's story, that she didn't know a thing about real pain. She thought about Charlie's easy smile and friendly way with people and wondered how someone could ever recover from something so tragic.

Sarah was nodding. "Yes, poor things, all of them. It was almost five years ago. Charlie locked himself up in their house for weeks. He wouldn't talk to anyone or see anyone. His mother and father came back in to run the store, and his poor mama would cry every day. She missed her sweet angel Celia, and she hurt so badly for her boy too. She said that he wouldn't answer his phone or his door. She was afraid he was going to die in there or hurt himself. That was when that family showed how strong they really are. His brothers all came home. They left their jobs and their lives and they busted down that boy's door and refused to leave him alone. They probably saved his life."

"He must be such a strong person. You would never know that he had been through something as terrible as that."

"Yes, he is strong, but every year now for the past five years, on the anniversary of their death—"

The door opening interrupted Sarah. Charlie stuck his head in and grinned at them. "I'm sorry ladies, but it's getting a little busy out here. Sarah would you mind helping me out? You can finish your break later."

Sarah jumped up. "Not at all, I'm done." She looked at Grace and said, "Go ahead and finish your lunch, you're too thin, you need to eat."

Grace laughed and watched the older woman go. She sat for a few minutes thinking about Charlie. She couldn't even imagine waking up each morning if it wasn't for her children.

***

The next day was Friday and there was a carnival at the school in town. Louise had told Grace it was a tradition for all of the kids to go and meet the teachers they'd be spending the next year with. She asked if she would mind if she took the kids along with John's. Grace thought that would probably be good for them. They were starting to adjust to life here, slowly. They were enjoying their time with Louise and John's kids. Grace hadn't seen John again since that first day. She thought that was probably a good thing. It was dangerous for a newly divorced and freshly hurt woman to be so physically attracted to a man that she could hardly think around him. Sarah had asked Grace one day while they were working what she thought about him. Grace had told her that he seemed like a really nice man and she was grateful he was allowing Louise to watch her children while she worked.

Sarah smiled and said, "That's all true, but what I meant was—surely you've noticed what a handsome man he is?"

"Hmm. . .I suppose. . ." Grace tried to be nonchalant.

Sarah wasn't buying it. She laughed and said, "Please, every single woman in town has been dropping pies and casseroles on his doorstep since his wife left. You'd have to be blind not to see how handsome that boy is."

Grace laughed too. "OK, I admit that I've noticed his rugged good looks."

"Good, I was afraid we needed to get you over to Doc Thomas' office and get your eyes checked out. Speaking of men—"

Grace stopped her there. "Whoa, we were talking about John Harwell, not eligible men in general, thank you. The very last thing on my list of things I need right now is a man."

"Well, when you're ready. I just wanted you to know there were plenty of viable options in this town."

Grace laughed again and thanked her, changing the subject and getting back to work.

That Friday afternoon, Charlie had told Grace she could leave early. "It gets slow around here on Friday evening. Sarah and I can handle it. Go home and be with your family." Grace was thrilled to go early. She was excited to hear how the kid's day had gone at the school carnival. She checked in with Maggie and then headed out to the Harwell ranch to pick up her babies.

Grace knocked on the door and was surprised when no one answered. She rang the bell, thinking in that big house, a knock might not be easy to hear. After a few minutes when there was still no answer, she started to worry. She walked the length of the house and went around the back. She could see a man working over near the stables so she walked toward him. When she got close, the man looked up. He was an older man. He had the appearance of a weathered old cowboy who had spent many hours out in the sun.

"Howdy," the man said as he noticed her. "You looking for someone?"

"Yes," Grace told him. "I was looking for Louise and my children."

The man smiled. "You must be Ms. Dowler, I'm Luke. You got some good kids. Ms. Louise took them to that carnival up in town today, I don't think they've come back yet."

"Oh, goodness. I thought it would be over by now. Thank you."

He tipped his hat at her and said, "My pleasure, ma'am." He turned back to his horse.

As Grace was headed back toward the house she saw John. He was riding toward her on atop a big, shiny black horse. He stopped the horse near her. "Hi there, are you looking for your kids?"

"Yes, I was. Luke said he didn't think they were back from the carnival yet."

"I haven't seen them come back either," he told her. He looked at his watch and continued, "They'll probably be a bit longer. How'd you like to take a ride with me while you wait?"

Grace thought it over. "I haven't been on a horse since I was a kid."

"That's okay. You can ride with me and Satan here. He's as gentle as a lamb," he said with a grin.

Grace grinned back. "Of course he is, I'm sure that's how he earned his name."

Extending an arm in her direction, John told her, "I'll admit, he was a bit of a hell-raiser in his youth, but who wasn't? He's an old geezer now, like me."

Grace smiled again and took his outstretched hand, allowing herself to be pulled up behind him on the horse. John clucked his tongue at the horse. "Hang on," he told Grace. Satan lurched forward Grace grabbed John around his waist and held on for dear life.

Grace thought about the last time she was on a horse as they rode. Her father had taken her riding sometimes on Sundays. It was their thing, something they could do together without Maggie spoiling it. The day before he had left them, she and her father had taken a ride out to their favorite spot and had a picnic. As she thought back, she remembered him saying some things that, had she been older, she might have recognized as a round-a-bout way of saying good-bye. Riding now with John brought up memories she hadn't had for a long time, both good and bad.

They rode across a wide, green field where other horses roamed or lounged. The day was warm and the air felt good as it rushed through her hair. She worried for just a moment that her curls would have turned into a frizzy mess by the time they stopped, but then she remembered that she wasn't going to allow herself to think of him, or any man, that way for a very long time, so it didn't really matter.

John pulled on the reins and Satan came to a stop under a huge, old oak tree. He turned to look back at Grace and said, "See? Gentle as a lamb."

Grace laughed. "I wouldn't say that, but it was fun." She patted the horse on the rump. "Thanks, Satan."

John helped her down off the horse before swinging his own long legs down out of the saddle. Grace realized, as she looked around, that there was a horse about six feet to their left lying on her side. She was a pretty, tan thing with a dark brown mane. She was making a panting sound and looked like she was trying to stand, but couldn't. Her coat was wet with sweat. Grace watched John take a leather pack off saddle and asked him, "What's wrong with her?"

"She's trying to give birth. I'm guessing the foal is turned the wrong way. She's been having a heap of trouble all day. Her last birth was easy. Easy is not a word a man should use to a woman to describe childbirth, is it?"

Grace grinned. "I'm okay with it. I'm finished with all that. You might not want to say it to her though," she said, indicating the horse.

John laughed. "You should probably stay here with Satan. She's pretty upset, I don't want you getting kicked."

Grace nodded and watched as John gently approached the mare. John whispered something to the horse and made soft, calming noises as he got close. He stroked her mane with his hand as she bucked her middle and stretched her legs out in front of her. She was obviously in pain, but she seemed to know John was there to help her.

He stayed to her back, just in case she had a pain and kicked out, running his hand along her flanks until he was at her rear. He whispered to her again as he lifted her top leg slowly. Grace flinched as she watched in both horror and fascination, as John stuck his hand inside of the mare and turned the foal around. The horse made an ear-piercing sound that could almost pass for a human scream. Then, fighting against John holding her top leg and kicking her bottom leg in and out, she finally expelled a wet foal. It was the grossest and most beautiful thing Grace had seen, all at the same time.

John took a tool that looked like scissors out of the bag and cut the baby's cord as its mother licked and warmed it. Once John had gotten the cord tied off, he took a wet towel out of the bag and cleaned his hand and arm. He gave the mother and her foal a wide berth as he came back to where Grace waited. The mare was still nervous, and John was horse smart enough to know she still might lash out with a swift, powerful kick of one of her muscular legs.

"Will they be okay?" Grace asked him when he got close enough.

John looked back at mother and baby. "I think so. She's pretty sore now, but I'll check on her in a while and make sure she gets up."

"That was amazing."

"Yeah, watching anything being born is bearing witness to a miracle."

"Yes," Grace agreed. "But I meant you. I was impressed with how you handled her."

John brushed off the compliment. "Ah, I've been doing that stuff my whole life. It's second nature by now."

"You grew up here, in Belt?" Grace asked him.

"Yep, right here on this ranch. I don't really know anything else."

"I grew up in a small town too," Grace told him. "I didn't realize how small until I moved to the city for college. I told myself then, I'd never go back." She laughed. "I guess me here in a town with less than half the population of the one I grew up in is proof of the old saying never-say-never, huh?"

"We're all guilty of that one. If I had a dollar for all the things I said I'd never do in my life. Well, let's just say I'd be retired on a beach somewhere instead of working the family ranch in Belt, Montana."

"Where is your family?" Grace asked him. "Your parents?"

"They did retire to a beach, actually." He grinned. "Redondo Beach. My sister and her family live there. They talked my parents into coming out for a month last summer. They're still there. My mom fell in love with the place, and my dad thought that after spending her life here on this ranch with him, she deserved to get to decide where they lived for a while."

"That's nice. How long have they been married?"

John thought for a moment. "I guess it'll be 42 years next May. My sister is 41, so yeah, 42 years."

"Wow," Grace said. "That's a long time."

John looked at his watch. "Speaking of time, I best be getting you back up to the house. Louise and the kids should be back by now."

They rode back up to the house in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Grace was trying to imagine what her life would be like if Conrad had stuck around. Would she have kept taking him back for the next 42 years? She doubted it. She had been stunned when she'd found out he was cheating, but some form of shock had made her try to forgive him and save her family. After the shock had worn off, she'd gotten angry. She deserved better, and if Conrad hadn't left, she would have. Eventually.

As they rode up to the house, she could see her kids and John's out by the stables with Luke. She heard Lucy asking her usual one hundred and one questions as they got close. To Luke's credit, he was doing his best to answer each one. Macy was petting the horse Luke had been grooming, and Brock was jumping hay bales with Patty and John Jr. They looked happy, which made Grace happy, too.

John stopped the horse and Luke helped Grace down. When the kids noticed it was her they ran up, all talking at once.

"Can I ride him?" Macy was asking.

"Did you get to drive?" Brock was saying, making her laugh, and Lucy was talking so fast, telling her about the carnival, that Grace could hardly understand her. She did surmise, however, that there had been quite a bit of cotton candy involved.

She looked at Macy and said, "I don't think you can ride this one, sweetie. Maybe, if you ask Mr. Luke or Mr. John some afternoon you could ride one of the kid's horses."

"Absolutely," John said, swinging off the horse.

Macy reached up and touched Satan's neck. "But this one's so pretty."

"He is a pretty boy," John agreed. "But he's awfully temperamental. He was a wild horse when I got him. He threw off everyone who got on his back for the first three months he lived here. He was mad at everyone, he even kicked and bit the other horses at first."

"Wow," Macy said, a look of wonder in her eyes. "How did you get him to let you ride him?"

"Persistence," John told her with a wink. "Never give up."

Grace was impressed with John's easy way with kids. She guessed that since he was raising his own without their mother should have given her a clue that he was a kid person. She wondered how a mother could leave her kids, even with a good man like John Harwell.

"Come on, guys," Grace told them. "Let's get going. Mr. Harwell and Luke have things they need to do."

They all made faces and grumbled, but they did as they were told. Grace sent them up to the house to tell Louise good-bye and thank you, and she thanked John herself.

He walked with her part way to her car. "Maybe we could have dinner sometime? It'd be nice to have some adult conversation over a meal for a change," he said shyly.

Grace stopped walking and turned to look at him. "I don't know how much you know about me, and what's gone on in my life lately to get me to this point, but I just got out of a messy marriage by way of a messy divorce. I'm not sure I'm ready to date yet."

John smiled. "Then we'll just call it dinner, not a date. It's all in how you look at things, right?"

Grace smiled too. "I'm sorry, just a little gun-shy I guess. Sure, dinner would be nice. I do have to eat."

"Good deal. I'll let you know when I'm able to get away."

***

Grace worked, the kids adjusted to life in a small town, and Maggie showed signs of enjoying her role of Grandma. She had volunteered to keep the kids on Sunday when Grace had to work because her shop was closed. The kids gave her a "please say no" look, but Grace told Maggie that it was very nice of her, and yes, she could keep the kids. The last thing Grace saw as she backed out of the driveway that morning was Macy's accusing face in the window. She tried to concentrate on work, and not think about how things were going at home, but it was hard. When five o'clock came at last and her shift was over, she drove home expecting Maggie to be locked in her room, and the kids still angry with her. Instead, she walked into a home that smelled like chocolate chip cookies, and her mother and oldest daughter sitting on the couch in the living room quilting.

"Well, hey there," Grace said as she came in the door.

Macy looked up at her and smiled. "Hi, Mom!"

Lucy and Brock came out of the bedroom, both of them with chocolate on their faces. "Hi Mama!" they said in unison. "We made cookies!"

Grace smiled at them. "I see that."

Maggie looked worried. "I only let them eat one each so they wouldn't spoil their dinner."

"It's fine, Mother," Grace told her. "I'm glad you all had a good day."

"Grandmother and I are making a quilt for my bed," Macy said. "See it's all pictures of horses."

Grace went over and sat next to her daughter. "It's a beautiful quilt. Your grandmother is the best quilter there is."

Maggie looked at Grace and smiled, the first genuine smile Grace had seen on her mother's face for quite some time. "Thank you, Mother."

"I had a good day too," Maggie told her, shrugging it off and going back to her quilt. "There's a roast in the crock-pot, it'll be ready in an hour."

***

On Monday, Grace was leaving the ranch after dropping the kids off with Louise when she saw John riding up behind her on top of Satan. She pulled off to the side of the driveway and rolled down her window as he got close.

"Hey!" he called as he rode up. "I've been meaning to call you all week. It's just been a darn busy one."

"That's okay," Grace told him. "I've been working every day. How are the new mother and her colt?"

"They're both doing fine. If you have time when you get back this afternoon, I'll take you out to see them."

"I'd like that. I better get going now though, Charlie's showing me how to do orders today, I don't want to be late."

John made a face that Grace wasn't quite sure how to interpret. "Wouldn't want to keep Charlie waiting. I'll see you this afternoon."

Grace went back by the house to pickup Maggie. She was wondering why the mention of Charlie waiting her at work had seemed to darken John's mood.

Maggie dropped her at the store and took the pick-up. She was headed to Great Falls to get some supplies for her store. When they drove up in front of the market, Maggie told her to have a good day, and genuinely seemed to mean it. She had also asked Grace if there was anything that she or the kids needed while she was in the city. Grace didn't, but she was touched that her mother had thought to ask.

She stayed busy all morning going over stock items with Charlie. He had a stock book that he used to keep track of how many of each item they sold in a month. He also wrote down items that customers asked him about and checked into the feasibility of carrying things that were frequently requested in the store. He had a detailed list of suppliers, including the farmers who he bought produce and dairy products from. Although Charlie tried hard to keep up with what was popular, he also kept to tradition after taking over the store from his parents. He sold only fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables, and the bulk of his dairy and meat supplies came from local farmers and ranchers as well. After a couple of hours with Charlie, he had Grace start learning the cash register with Sarah.

Most of the items in Charlie's store had barcodes, so at first, Grace was having an easy time scanning and bagging the handful of items each customer brought up to the check-out counter. Sarah had asked Charlie, and then Grace, if she could leave for an hour for a doctor's appointment. Charlie had said he would run the register while she was gone, but Grace was feeling confident by that time and told Charlie so. He left her and went in the back, telling her to call if she needed him.

She had a few customers and things were going smoothly. She was feeling proud of herself that she had picked things up so quickly. But then she looked up and saw a frazzled looking woman and three dirty little boys in her line. The woman had a basket so filled with groceries, they nearly spilled over the side, and each little boy had his arms full of things as well. Grace swallowed hard, told herself, "You can do this," smiled and said, "Hi there, how are you today?"

The woman looked at her as if she had only just noticed that Grace wasn't a regular in the store. She looked around to where the other checkout counter was, but Sarah had already left. Charlie was still in the back.

"Where's Charlie?" the woman asked in a timid voice.

"He's in the back. Would ya'll like to put your groceries up on the belt? I'm new, and a little slow, but I can help you."

The woman continued to look nervously around the store and the little boys each clutched the items they held as if Grace were trying to take them away. Finally Grace asked, "Miss, would you like me to call Charlie?"

The woman nodded slowly. Grace pushed the call button on the microphone next to the register. She tried to sound professional as she said, "Charlie, can you come up front please? Customer waiting."

There was an older woman in line behind the lady and her kids. She was holding a gallon of milk and a box of crackers. She asked gently, "Can I go on ahead while you wait for Charlie?"

The younger woman moved her boys and her cart out of the other woman's way. Grace smiled, but the other woman didn't smile back. Grace focused her attention then on the older woman and rang up her two items. The woman paid Grace. "You're Maggie's girl, aren't you?"

Grace smiled. "Yes."

"I'm Edith Brown," she told Grace. "My husband is chairman of the town council. I've known your mama since she was a girl."

"Well, nice to meet you Mrs. Brown." Grace saw Charlie come out of the back and up to the woman who had been in her line. Edith explained the unique situation of the other woman. "That's Lila Samuels. He husband got trampled by some horses at the ranch he was working last year. He gets a real small check each month for being disabled now, and when school's in, Lila works in the cafeteria. Lila's having a hard time keeping them boys fed, and still paying for everything else they need. Charlie has such a good heart. He sent her out some coupons that she can use once a month in the store here. I don't know how much all those groceries in that cart would normally amount to, but he charges her twenty dollars even, no matter what. The coupon says something like 'all you can carry out, twenty bucks.' He's got a real good heart."

"Wow," Grace said, more to herself than to Edith. No wonder the woman had looked so worried. She was probably afraid Grace wouldn't honor the coupons. She thanked Edith, and as the older woman left, Grace went over to ask Charlie if he would like her to bag the items. The other woman was still looking at her suspiciously, but Charlie said yes, and told the lady, "Lila, this is Grace. She's Maggie's girl."

That seemed to change the woman's demeanor. She managed a weak smile and nod in Grace's direction. When Charlie finished scanning everything, the total on the register said $349.35. Grace watched in awe as Charlie turned to Lila and said, "That'll be twenty-dollars, even," took the cash and then helped the woman and her kids out to the car. On his way back he told Grace, "Thanks for calling me out. Just holler again if you need me."

Grace didn't say anything to him about the woman and her kids, but her respect for Charlie grew that day by leaps and bounds. When Sarah got back from her appointment, Grace mentioned it to her. Sarah smiled and said, "Oh, I should have told you about Lila. I just hadn't thought of it yet. Lila and Charlie grew up together. Charlie told me once that Lila's daddy used to beat her when she was a girl. She married some cowboy she met while he was passing through town, and he used her for a punching bag too, until his accident. Any other woman woulda left as soon as she knew that the S-O-B couldn't walk to ever come after her. The horses that stomped on him crushed his spine and he's paralyzed. Lila says she made her vows, and she cares for him and those five boys all by herself. Charlie tried to give her groceries once, but she told him she don't take charity. So he came up with the coupon thing. He made it like a contest where you put your name in a jar and we had a drawing and everything. Lila won."

"Was it lucky that he drew her name?" Grace asked, already knowing the answer.

"No," Sarah said with a smile. "He emptied out the jar before the drawing and put in eighteen pieces of pink paper with Lila's name on it. No matter which one he drew, it was gonna be her."

"He's pretty amazing," Grace said sincerely.

"Yes, he is."

At lunchtime, Charlie had sandwiches delivered to them from the diner in town. Sarah had begged off, saying she ate while she was out earlier. She volunteered to watch up front while Charlie and Grace ate.

Grace didn't tell Charlie what Sarah had shared with her about Lila. She figured he didn't do what he did for recognition, and that made him all the more amazing for doing it as far as she was concerned. Instead, as they ate, Grace told him how happy she was that her kids seemed to be adjusting so well to life here.

"Where's their Daddy?" Charlie asked. It was the first truly personal question he had ever asked her.

"He's in Los Angeles. When we split up, he took a job there. He says he'll send for them to visit him when he gets settled, but we'll see."

Charlie looked almost ready to cry. "I can't imagine having the opportunity to be around your babies, and choosing not to be."

Grace felt bad instantly, remembering what Sarah had told her about Charlie's family. "I'm sorry, Charlie."

"For what?" he asked.

"Bringing all that up. I can't imagine going through what you've been through. Sarah told me. I'm so terribly sorry."

Charlie smiled at her, but the smile didn't reach his green eyes. "You are welcome to talk about your kids anytime. Even the wretched ex-husband. I still miss my girls, I always will. I finally learned that life has to go on. I'll tell you this though, if the Good Lord ever sees fit to bless me with a family again, I won't waste one precious second of it. I learned the hard way that the old saying about life being too short is nothing but the truth."

Grace held her paper cup of soda up. "I'll drink to that." Charlie smiled again, this time with his eyes too, and clicked his cup against hers. "Can I ask you something?" Grace said.

"Anything." Charlie had a devilish grin.

"You grew up here in Belt, so I figure you must know John Harwell pretty well, right?"

"Sure, I've known John all my life."

"Can I ask what you think of him?"

"Well, John and I aren't the best of friends. Before my wife and I started seeing each other back in high school, she was John Harwell's girlfriend. He was pretty upset at both of us, for a long time. I had thought he was past it once he and Becca got serious, but when Celeste died, well, let's just say he had a few things to say to me about how I screwed up her life."

"That's terrible, I'm sorry."

"You don't owe me an apology, Grace. John doesn't either. I think he just never stopped loving her, and like I did when she died, he needed someone to blame."

"What's his ex-wife like? Did she grow up here too?"

Shaking his head, Charlie answered, "No, Becca was a city girl. Her family rented a cabin from John's family every year around hunting season. She was always sweet on John, and once he and Celeste had broken up, they started spending a lot of time together when Becca was in town. Becca never adjusted to this life, though, and she knew that John would die if she put him in the city. I don't know exactly how it all went there at the end, but Becca came by here the day she left. I was shocked that she would leave town and not take the kids. She said she couldn't bear to take them from John, and that she would still see them as often as she could. She hasn't been back here, but I think the kiddos have visited her a few times since she left. I'm not even sure where she's living these days. Can I ask you a question, now?"

"Sure."

"Why all the interest in John Harwell? Is it because your kids stay out there, or is it a more personal interest?"

"Not personal like you think, Charlie," she said with an eye roll. "I was actually just curious. It seems like you all knew so much about me already when I got to town. I don't really know anything about you all. Trust me, Charlie, a man is the last thing I need or want right now."

He didn't say anything, but the look on his face made Grace add, "Really."

"I just wondered who you were trying harder to convince there, me or yourself."

Grace took the last bite of her sandwich and said, "I know you're the boss, but we should get back to work."

Charlie let it go, but Grace went back to work, wondering herself why she was so interested in John Harwell.

# CHAPTER 4

When Grace got off work, she went by Maggie's shop to see if she was ready to close up yet. Maggie told her she was meeting a friend at the diner for dinner in a bit and would get a ride home. Grace wondered who this friend was, but didn't feel like she and Maggie had gotten quite close enough yet for her to pry. She just told her to have a good time and she would see her at home.

When Grace got to the ranch, Louise told her the kids were out at the stables. She found them all there with John. They were gathered around, watching him hook up a little pony cart to two miniature horses.

"That is so cool," she said about the cart. They hadn't noticed she was there until she spoke.

Macy looked up. "It is, isn't it? Can we stay and take a ride, Mama? Just a short one?"

Grace looked at the cart and back at the kids. "I don't know if Lucy and Brock are old enough to be out on that alone."

"Oh please, Mama!" Brock and Lucy begged.

Luke heard and reassured her, "Don't worry, Miss Grace, I'll be watching them. Tweedle and Dee are the slowest old ponies in the county, and they just walk 'em around the pasture."

"Please, Mama!" Lucy said in her whiniest voice.

Grace rolled her eyes and gave in. "Okay, once around, but you listen to Luke!"

"We will, Mama!" they all cried. John finished hooking it all up, and with Macy and John Jr. in front and Patty and Lucy in back, Brock helped Luke lead the ponies to the pasture.

Grace looked at John and teased, "You're spoiling them, now they'll want a pony."

"Every kid needs a pony," he said with a grin. "You ready to ride out and see the new Mama?"

"Yep."

John whistled and Satan stuck his head out the front of his stall. "Wanna go for a ride boy?" he asked the horse. Grace laughed as Satan nodded his head up and down and whinnied as if answering the question.

John saddled the horse and they rode out to where they had found the horse in labor on their first ride together. She was standing under the tree this time, her chestnut coat shining in the sun. She was about six feet tall when she stood, and the prettiest horse Grace had ever seen. "She's gorgeous!" Grace said.

John looked at her a little too long as he said, "Yes, she is."

Grace could feel her face flush and changed the subject abruptly. "Where's the baby? Was it a boy or girl? I forgot to ask."

John looked around and then pointed over at a big stump a few feet from the tree the mother horse stood under. "There he is."

The colt was standing on skinny legs that looked too tiny to hold his weight. "He's so thin. Is he okay?"

John got down from Satan's back and helped Grace to the ground as well. "He probably wasn't getting enough nutrition while he was in his mother's belly. I think the cord was compressed before he came out. He's eating well now, and I'm feeding him some special feed with a lot of protein in it. I think he'll be alright."

"Good. He's cute."

"Do you want to pet him?" John asked.

"I'd love to."

John took her by the hand and led her around behind where the mama horse stood. The colt shied a bit as they approached, but John spoke to him softly and held a handful of feed out in his direction. The baby sniffed and took a step forward, and then one back. He did that a few times before his belly finally won out and he came all the way over to get the feed out of John's hand.

"Go ahead," John told Grace when the colt came near.

Grace stretched out her hand and touched his mane softly. She talked to him while he ate and stroked his coat. He was browner in color than his mother, and his mane was the blond color of her own hair. When he finished eating, he ran back over to his mother, tripping once over his long, spindly legs. Grace sat down on the stump and looked around her. "It's so beautiful here."

John looked around too and nodded. "I can't imagine living anywhere else." He changed the subject. "So, how was work?"

"It was good. I'm learning a lot from Charlie."

John made that face again. "What do you have against Charlie?"

"I guess my face gives me away, huh? I just don't care for the guy. Everyone in town thinks, 'Poor, tragic Charlie.' I think he shouldn't have had his wife and baby running errands. He should have done them himself and the tragedy would have never happened."

"Charlie said that you and Celeste dated in high school?"

John looked like he was about to ask why Charlie was talking about him, but seemed to change his mind. "Yes, for a while, before she decided she wanted to be with Charlie."

"Did you still have feelings for her, when she died?"

John shook his head. "High school was ages ago. By the time Celeste died, I had been married for quite a few years."

"It's hard to get over your first love sometimes."

"Who was yours?" John asked.

"My first love? My father, I suppose."

John laughed. "I should have guessed that one. Who was the first one that you weren't related to?"

Grace smiled. "My ex-husband, Conrad."

"Did you meet in high school?"

"No, college. I didn't date much in high school."

"Why?"

"Busy trying to get good grades and please my mother, I guess. My father had taken off by then and she and I weren't very close. I tried everything I could to get her to notice me. I should have dated more though, because none of it worked."

"The way Maggie has gone on about you since she came back to town, I would have thought you two were peas in a pod," he said with a smile.

"Not hardly. I'm afraid I don't know the Maggie that you all seem to know."

"That's too bad. Maggie's a good lady."

Grace nodded. "She is a good person, I don't deny that. She's just not the warmest person in the world, and that's hard on a kid. She does seem to be warming up to us lately, though. I guess people can change, if they want to."

"People can definitely change. I found that out the day my wife told me she hated it here and couldn't stand it another day."

"Sounds like the day I found out my husband had gotten fired from his job two months earlier, and hadn't bothered to tell me."

John laughed. "Well, we'll have to get together one day and have ourselves a pity party."

Grace laughed too, "That'll be hard, because now I'm just thanking God and Greyhound he's gone."

"We've got that in common too. Ready to get back?"

"Yes. Let's go make sure those kids are keeping out of trouble."

***

Grace was off the next two days. She took that opportunity to spend more time with her kids. She took them around Maggie's property, exploring the outdoors. The little ones went on a treasure hunt and found a bucket full of treasure. Macy and Grace followed along, with Grace making the appropriate faces and noises as they showed her each one of their tweasures, as Brock called them.

As they walked, Macy talked about all of the things she had been doing and discovering while they were at the ranch. The horses fascinated her, and it seemed that Luke, and John when he had the time, had been educating her about them. Grace was glad her daughter seemed to have found something in all of this upheaval that made her happy and excited.

While the kids continued their exploration, Grace went back up to the house to make lunch. She put a pizza in the oven, and while it cooked, she straightened up the house. She had been meaning to put some of their things up in the small attic to make more room for them to live, so she decided to do that now.

She took up three loads before the pizza was ready. The kids came in and ate, and after Grace had cleaned up the kitchen, she got back to work on clearing their space. When she got up to the attic this time, she needed to re-arrange things to make it all fit. Maggie had a few boxes and some bags of quilts in the space. Grace separated all of that from the things she had just brought up. As she was moving one of her mother's boxes, the bottom of it came loose and Maggie's things spilled out.

Grace found another box that wasn't quite full and began picking up the things that had fallen out and re-packed them. Grace noticed there were picture albums among the things and started flipping through them. The pictures were mostly of Grace as a baby and child. There were some of those awful school pictures at each awkward stage of her life, and a few photos of her and her mom. She was about to close one book when she spotted one of her dad holding her when she was very young. She smiled and traced the lines of his face with her finger. She still had a lot of mixed feelings about him. He had left her. Abandoned her to live with a mother who was emotionally unavailable, and for that, she didn't think she could ever forgive him. She still wondered about him, though. Where was he now? Did he think about her? Did he have a new family after he left them? She sighed and closed the book. None of that would do her any good. He was gone and she was likely long forgotten.

Grace reached for the last book still on the floor. She glanced at the cover and saw one word printed on it: Journal. She told herself to just put it in the box, but that old antagonist curiosity got the better of her. She opened the book. The pages were worn, and yellowed with age. The date on the inside corner of the book said 1981. She turned to the next page and there, in her mother's hand, were the thoughts and dreams of a young woman. Private thoughts, Grace told herself. She should just close the book and put it away. As she told herself these things, she began reading the first page.

New Journal, New Year: Maggie Newton 1981

Sam was in town again this weekend. I told Mama and Daddy I was going to the carnival at the church with Ellen, but I met Sam at "our place" instead. He brought a picnic basket filled with yummy fruit and cheese. He had a music player and all of the cassettes that I had told him I liked, and we sat under the big tree on a blanket and ate our lunch while the music was playing. He held my hand and told me about the farm where he lives in Idaho. His Daddy lets Sam do all the buying for the place, so he gets to travel. He's seen so much of the world, the United States, anyways. All I know is Belt. I'm not sure what Sam sees in me. He's so handsome; I know he can have any girl. He seems to want to be here with me, though, so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Grace smiled. It wasn't often that she thought about her mother as a young woman. Reading this helped her remember that Maggie was just like any other woman—with hopes and big dreams for her future. She turned the page. The next entry was dated for three months later, and the pages in between looked like they had either been torn out, or fallen out. Grace read on.

Well, I don't think Sam will be coming around anymore. Daddy read my Journal; he tore out the pages and brought them to me at work. It was so embarrassing. Everyone at the Outlet heard him call me names, and tell me that if I got "knocked-up" by a traveling salesman, he and Mama wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. I told him it wasn't like that. Sam and I were in love, and we were being careful. He said that a careful whore was the same as a knocked-up one, just without a kid. He threw the pages at me, and everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and watched me pick them up. The only one who tried to help was Matt. He came over and got on his knees next to me. He didn't look at the papers as he picked them up; he just helped me, and then asked me what else I needed. I couldn't stop crying, so I asked him if he could take me home. Old man Sykes wasn't happy about it, but even he could see I was gonna be no good to anyone the rest of the day, so he told us to go on.

I couldn't face Daddy so I asked Matt to drop me at the Fork and I walked toward the Harwell place instead of home. I passed their house and their stables and I just kept walking. I was almost two miles out into the pasture when Mr. Harwell came by in his truck to see if I was okay. One of the ranch hands had seen me out in the cow pasture and called him. I told him I just needed some time alone and was out for a walk. He could tell it was more than that, I'm sure, but he didn't ask no more questions. He gave me a ride home, and stayed and had a cup of coffee with Mama and Daddy. I'm going to sleep now, I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Grace hadn't known anything about her grandparents. Maggie had never talked about them. Her daddy had always said if his parents were still living, they would have spoiled her rotten. He had shown her pictures of her as a baby with them. They had both died young—his mother in a car accident, and his daddy a few years later of a heart attack. Grace had always just assumed her mother's parents were both deceased too. Maggie would always change the subject if Grace brought them up, and if her daddy were around, he'd put his finger to his lips and shake his head behind Maggie's back. Grace had figured that they had died and it made Maggie sad to talk about it. She turned the pages and skimmed through the next few. There was no more about Sam. Maggie was probably afraid her father would find it again. It was mostly fluff from there on; the type of things girls write when they know someone is reading their words.

Grace closed it and wondered what had happened after that. Obviously Maggie assumed her father was still reading her journal. Grace felt a pang of sympathy for the young woman her mother once was. She also felt a pang of guilt for prying. She put Maggie's things away and went back downstairs.

***

The next Friday Grace got a call from John.

"Hey there!" he said when she picked up the phone.

"Hi, John." They hadn't run into each other since the day they had taken the ride together. "How have you been?"

"Doing great. Just really busy. Had a new herd we had to brand and medicate. Just farm things you probably don't want to hear about."

"I don't know anything about cattle and horses, but I'd love to know more."

He laughed. "Well, stick with me, it's pretty much all I know."

"I doubt that," Grace said. John struck her as a very intelligent man.

"Well, thank you. I was actually calling to see if you want to have that dinner we talked about tonight, if it's not too short notice?"

Grace looked at the clock. It was almost three in the afternoon. Maggie didn't normally get home until after six, and Grace didn't want to just assume that she would watch the kids. "I'm afraid it might be too late for me to just dump the kids on my mom. I don't know what her plans are tonight."

"That's okay. Louise is staying here tonight and she said she'd love to have Macy, Lucy and Brock come over for a movie night. John and Patty are pretty excited. They've got popcorn and hot chocolate planned, and that new Disney DVD that just came out."

Grace smiled, he had thought of everything. She was still hesitant. She had promised herself that she wasn't going to get involved with a man again, at least not for a very long time. John sensed her hesitation in her pause and said, "Just dinner, Grace, that's all."

"Okay, what time should I be there?"

"Louise will be around for the kids about six and I'll see you at seven, okay?"

"Sounds good." It actually really did sound good. She had Charlie and Sarah to talk to at work every day, but that was work. It had been a long time since she'd had a real grown up night out.

The kids were ecstatic when she told them about their movie night. She was almost insulted that they were so happy she was going. Maggie called at five to say that she would be having dinner in town, and Grace told her that she and the kids would be out for the evening.

"Did you need me to come home and watch them?" she asked, surprising Grace.

"No, but thanks. Louise has a whole movie night thing planned for them."

"Okay then, you have a good time."

"Thank you. You too." Grace hung up the phone with a smile. Maggie seemed to be getting softer around the edges as she aged, and Grace liked the newer, gentler version.

Louise arrived precisely at six for the kids. Grace had them in their pajamas and ready to go already. "Oh my, you look so pretty, Grace."

"Thank you, Louise. I haven't had a grown-up night out in a while."

"Well, you deserve it. And so does John. Is Maggie having dinner with Matt tonight?"

Grace remembered the journal entry she had read. She wondered if it were the same Matt, this mystery man of her mother's.

"I'm not sure. She just said she was having dinner in town."

"I'm sure it's with Matt. Those two have had dinner together every Friday night since Maggie came back to town. Matt would like to take her to Great Falls for a real nice dinner once in a while, but you know how stubborn Maggie is—set in her ways. She says the diner here is just fine, and she orders the same thing every time."

Grace smiled. "Yes, Mama is a stubborn one."

The kids were milling around, getting restless as the women talked. Finally, Lucy's patience ran out and she said, "Are we still going, Miss Louise?"

Louise laughed. "Lord child, you are so much like your grandmother. Yes, we're going. Go on and get in the truck."

The kids kissed Grace and she told them all she loved them and to be good and have fun.

Once they were gone, she finished doing her hair and checked herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure where they were going, so she had just picked a nice pair of jeans and a sleeveless black blouse. She slipped on her shoes just as John knocked on the door.

She opened it to find him standing there in a black cowboy shirt, blue jeans and black boots. She was glad she hadn't overdressed.

"Wow," he told her. "You look amazing."

Grace smiled. "Thank you. You look really nice too."

They went to a place called Ethel's Steak House. It was nice, but everyone was casually dressed and the décor was cowboy chic.

Their meal was delicious, and Grace enjoyed listening to John talk. He talked about the ranch, and how his parents had worked it their whole lives to make it what it was today. He said he had talked to his mother earlier and she had told him she and his dad were going to a beach party that evening. He found that amusing, saying that he couldn't imagine either of them in beach attire. He told her that John Jr. was excited to start school, and Patty was nervous about it. He asked about her kids and her job, and as long as she didn't mention Charlie, he listened to her answers and acted interested in what she was saying.

After dinner John asked Grace if she had ever been to Gibson Park. She said no, she hadn't had time yet to explore much of Montana. Since it was early, they decided to take a walk through the park that Great Falls billed as The Jewel of the City.

John drove several blocks and parked his car in the lot attached to the front portion of the park. It was a warm night and the moon was full. John obviously knew the park well. He took Grace's hand and led her to the trail that went toward the massive flower gardens. They walked, not talking for a while, just quietly enjoying the beauty around them. The flowers were rich in color and fragrance, and there were colored lights along the brick path that wound through them. After a bit, they came to a wooden bench and John asked Grace if she'd like to sit down.

"Yes, for a minute," she said. "It's so beautiful here."

"Yeah, it's one of my favorite places. Patty loves to come here, too. She has Louise make us up a picnic basket and we have lunch by the duck pond."

"Oh, they have a duck pond too?" Grace asked, sounding like an excited little girl.

"Yes." John smiled.

"I was just thinking the kids would love it. Especially Macy, she loves any kind of animal."

John nodded. "She eats up any and everything Luke or I tell her about the cows and horses on the farm. Maybe she'll be a veterinarian someday."

"Maybe. It's amazing to me that she's adjusted to life here so quickly. She was so angry with me at first, I thought she may never talk to me again."

"She's eight. I remember being that age. You want to be like the big kids, but you're not old enough. You want to play with the little kids, but you think you're too old. Me, I rode horses, day and night."

"I read, a lot. My dad left when I was eight. It was a horrible year, and all I wanted to do was escape."

John took her hand. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. My dad used to speak highly of yours. I remember when I was a kid and Dad would be talking to Maggie's father about how she was doing. Your grandfather didn't seem to think much of Sam, and Dad always seemed to be defending him."

"It's funny, and sad, that you know more about my family that I do."

"It's a really, really small town. I know more about everyone's family than even I want to."

Grace laughed. "Yes, I suppose you probably do, especially with Louise around so much."

"Oh my." He groaned and rolled his eyes. "She tells me something new about someone in town every day. She works her tail off around my place, you wouldn't think she'd have so much time to find out other people's business."

"I think she spends quite a bit of time on the phone."

"Tell me about it. You want to keep walking, or are you ready to go?" he asked.

Grace looked at her watch. It was still early. "How about a walk around the duck pond if it's not too far?"

John stood up and reached his hand out for hers. "It's not far."

The pond was lit up like the flower path and the ducks swam among the swans on top of the still, green water. There were a few people around the pond, feeding the ducks or having picnics. The path they walked led them through a large, dark clump of trees and on the other side was another path that wound its way up a small hill covered in wildflowers. Grace was awed by the beauty. "There aren't really any words for this in the moonlight," she said.

Grace turned toward him and realized that he was looking at her and not the fantastic view ahead of them. His face was so close to hers that she could feel his warm breath on her cheek. She felt her stomach flip and her mouth go dry. Her head was trying to convince the rest of her body that it was time to turn and go home, but her lips really wanted to kiss him. He leaned down just enough so he was even with her face and brushed his lips gently across hers. The butterflies in her belly ignited, and as he put his hand on the back of her waist and pulled her close, her whole body tingled and burned. Their lips met and parted and they explored each other's mouths with their tongues. John rubbed her back and shoulders with his big hands and traced his fingers down her bare arms giving her goose bumps.

They stood there kissing and touching like teenagers for what seemed like forever. When they finally came up for air, Grace tore herself away from looking into those gorgeous aqua eyes and glanced at her watch.

"Time to go?" he asked.

She nodded. "I probably should be getting home."

John smiled. He put his hand on the side of her face, his touch like fire on her skin once more. "Thank you for tonight," he said. "I meant what I said though. We can make this just dinner if that's all you want it to be. But, if you change your mind and want it to be more, I'd be okay with that too."

Grace didn't say anything; she only smiled at him and nodded. John took her by the hand once more and led her back down the same paths they had come. He opened the passenger door, and as he took her arm to help her in, he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips once more.

She didn't object, but this time she didn't let it go any further. On the walk back to the truck she had told herself she needed to decide what she wanted from John before she allowed anything else to happen. It wasn't fair to make him think there was a chance for more if there wasn't.

They made more small talk on the way back to Maggie's house. John got out of the truck and walked her to the door. He told her not to worry about the kids, that he was sure Louise had them tucked into bed already, but if anyone of them objected and wanted to come home, he'd bring them right back. He gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek goodnight and she thanked him for a wonderful evening.

"No really, Grace, thank you. I haven't really been out since my ex-wife left. I haven't wanted to until now." He picked up her hand and kissed it. "Good-night, Grace."

"Night, John." She watched him walk to the truck before unlocking the door to Maggie's house and going inside. The house was dark; Maggie must have gone to bed. Grace wished that she and her mother had one of those relationships where she could go lie in bed next to her and talk about her night. She passed Maggie's door on the way to her own bed and hesitated slightly. She told herself to stop being silly and go to bed. No one knew better that she and Maggie had never had that type of relationship, and probably never would.

# CHAPTER 5

The next day Grace didn't have to go into work. Louise brought the kids home early and they talked on and on about what a great time they'd had at the Harwell's the night before. Grace made them all brunch, and as they were sitting down to eat croissants and fruit, Maggie came out of her room, dressed for work. She said good morning to Grace and the kids and then picked up her purse and keys.

"Grandma, aren't you gonna have some crow-sants with us?" Lucy asked her.

Maggie hesitated. Grace was certain that she would decline and go ahead and leave for work, but once again her mother surprised her. She set down her purse and said, "What the heck, I own the place." She took a seat at the table next to Lucy and helped herself to a croissant and cantaloupe. "How was your night?" she asked the kids as she ate.

They all started talking at once, telling Maggie about their night of movies, popcorn and hot chocolate. When Lucy and Brock took a breath, Macy told them about taking an early morning ride with John on Satan.

"He took you out on Satan?" Grace asked.

"Yes, it was so much fun, we went real fast," Macy said.

"I don't know if that was such a good idea."

"Why?" Macy asked, looking disappointed that her mother wasn't as excited as she was about her news.

"Satan used to be a wild horse. John's the only one who ever rides him. I just don't know if it's safe."

"You rode on him," Macy said, looking at her accusingly.

Maggie cleared her throat. "Grace, if you don't mind my saying so, John's a very responsible man. I don't think he'd let the child do anything that wasn't safe."

Grace looked at her mother and then back at her daughter's disappointed face. "It is pretty cool when he goes really fast isn't it?" Grace smiled conspiratorially at her daughter.

Macy grinned back. "Yes, it's so cool!"

Maggie smiled and they finished their brunch while the two little ones took over the conversation again. When they had finished eating, Maggie excused herself. "I guess I better get on now. Thank you, Grace, for the breakfast."

Grace surprised her mother by giving her a hug. She could feel Maggie tense at first, but then she lifted an arm and patted her daughter on the back once before pulling away. "Thank you, Mom, for staying and having it with us." They looked at each other for a moment, both of them with so much to say, but as usual, unable to find the words.

"Ya'll enjoy your day off," Maggie said before heading out the door.

After Maggie left, Grace cleaned up the kitchen and the kids went out to play. After she was finished in the kitchen, she straightened up the rest of the house. Finding the quilt that Maggie and Macy had been working on lying over the chair in the living room, she decided to put it away, not wanting it to get torn or dirty. She carried it to Maggie's room, and as she hung it across the quilt rack, she noticed a stack of photo albums in the corner next to Maggie's night stand.

No, Grace. You have to stop invading your mother's privacy, she told herself. She put the quilt in its place and went back to her cleaning. The kids came in for lunch and she watched a movie with Lucy and Brock until they fell asleep. She covered them with an afghan on the couch and went to look for Macy. She found her curled up, asleep, on her bed. She smiled. They must have had a really late night. As she covered Macy, she thought about the quilt again, and the stack of photo books. She convinced herself that looking at photo albums was not an invasion of privacy, and sneaking into Maggie's room like a thief, she took a seat on the floor and picked up the top one.

She opened it to a photo of her dad. He was probably in his early twenties. He had the eighties hair going on and it made Grace smile. The next page was a picture of her mom and dad together. Maggie's belly was swelled to probably six months pregnant and they both looked so happy. The next few pages were pictures of Grace at birth, her first birthday and her second. A picture of her and her father on one of their horse rides caught her eye. She wished those memories weren't such good ones sometimes, so she could really hate him for leaving.

She finished the first book and picked up the next. When she opened that one, she was surprised to see that it was some other type of book wrapped in a photo album cover. It was another journal. Grace only hesitated a second before opening it. She was afraid she would talk herself out of it.

The first page, written in Maggie's hand said, Well, it's done. I told Sam that I was pregnant. I stayed up many nights wrestling with this one, and praying over it. I asked God to give me a sign about what was right. As I was asking, a white dove landed on my windowsill. I ain't never seen a white dove before, so I took it as a sign. I went into town and I called and told him. He was so happy about it; I could hardly stand myself afterwards. He actually cried, and said that he hoped it was a girl. He had a name for her already. He said he wanted to name her Grace because that was what he loved the most about me—my grace.

I prayed to the Lord to forgive me. I hope he does.

Grace closed the book. She was afraid to read further. She told herself that she didn't really know what any of it meant, but didn't she? Why would Maggie pray for forgiveness, and feel bad that Sam was so excited if the baby had really been his. She took a deep breath and told herself that the only way to really know was to read it in Maggie's own words. She opened the journal back up and read on.

The baby started kicking today. Sam was so excited that I could hardly get him to let go of my belly. He loves our baby so much, and she's not even here yet. Me and her, or him, are so lucky to have Sam. I hope the baby realizes that when he or she is old enough, my daddy was so wrong. Sam is an amazing man. Sometimes I wonder if he wouldn't stay with us, and love us just the same if I were to tell him the truth.

The next few pages were more of the same. Maggie often mentioned telling Sam the truth, but she never said what the truth was. The dates on the pages stopped a few weeks before Grace was born, and didn't re-start until she was a few months old.

I haven't had time to write for a while. The baby is here, and she's a girl. We named her Grace and Sam is crazy for her. She is a pretty little thing. Sam mentioned a few times how she didn't look like either of us, but I told him she probably got her curly hair from my mom. Mama and Daddy haven't been out to see her yet. It might be best if they don't for a while. Even though I love her and she is a pretty thing, she looks so much like. . .him. I'm afraid sometimes that someone who knows him will notice. Sam talks about taking her back to Montana so that my friends and family can see her, but I don't want to go back there, not as long as he is alive.

"Mama?" Grace almost didn't process the sound of her son's sleepy voice, she was so engrossed in the story of her life that was unfolding on the pages in front of her. Brock said her name again and at last she put the book down and turned around.

"Hi baby, how was the nap." She tried to sound normal.

"It was good, Mama. What are you doing in Gramma's room?"

"I was just straightening it up for her," Grace said, getting off the floor. She put the books back as she had found them and went over to Brock. She picked him up and kissed his chunky cheeks. "How about some chocolate chip cookies for a snack?"

That was all it took to get Brock's mind off of finding her in Maggie's room. She took him out to the kitchen and got him two big cookies out of the cookie jar. As she was pouring him some milk, Lucy and Macy both came in. She sat down with her kids and they all had a snack and talked about the fact that school would be starting soon. Macy asked if they could go to the city to get her some school clothes. Grace laughed and told her they would go to Great Falls and make a day of it. She told them about the park and they all got excited. It was enough to at least put what she had read to the back of her mind, if not enough to make her forget it.

***

Grace went back to work the following day. She hadn't spoken to Maggie about anything she had discovered, and she didn't intend to. She knew that Maggie would be angry about having her privacy invaded, and with no more information, Grace didn't think it would be worth the confrontation. She doubted that she could compel Maggie to tell her the rest of the story. The one that she had apparently kept to herself for over thirty years.

She kept busy at work. Sarah was off and Charlie had bookwork to do in back. She had a steady flow of customers before lunchtime when Charlie came up front and asked her if she wanted Chinese food.

"Sure," she agreed. "I'm starving."

He sent her to the break room and she smiled when she saw that he had left it all set out for her. He must have gone to Great Falls for dinner the night before; there was no Chinese food in Belt. Grace sat down and devoured the sweet and sour pork and fried rice he had left for her. It was delicious. When she finished, she cleaned up and went back out front. Charlie was sitting in a chair he kept behind the counter for when there was a lull in business. When he saw Grace, he got up and told her to sit while he got another chair.

"How was the date with John Harwell on Friday?" he asked innocently.

Grace laughed. "Is there anything a person can do in this town without everyone knowing about it?"

"Pretty much, no," he said with a grin.

"Well, for your information it wasn't a date."

"No?" Mock surprise filled his face.

"No! It was dinner, between friends, that's it."

"Hmm, it's been a while since I've done this date thing. But from what I remember, you just described a first date perfectly. Except, of course, for the end of the evening kiss. Was there a kiss? Because that pretty much decides it."

"Stop it, Charlie," she said, feeling her face flush hot.

"You didn't answer my question." He smiled. "But I think the blush did."

Grace bumped him with her elbow and they both laughed. To change the subject, and because she really needed someone to talk to about it, she said, "Charlie, what would you do if you found out something about your parents that essentially changed everything you knew about yourself and them?"

"Wow, deep. I don't know, what exactly might this something be?"

"I kind of read some of my mother's old journals."

"Kind of?" he asked, looking at her like he had just caught her shoplifting.

"Okay, I read them, a few pages. I feel guilty as hell about it, but I can't change it now. The real problem is that I read something that I'm sure she never would have told me herself, and I don't know what to do about it."

"Is it something you can just forget about and move on?"

"Not really. It's hard to say out loud. I know you like my mom a lot, so please promise me you won't lose respect for her, okay? And, you won't tell her any of this?"

"I'm crazy about Maggie. I could never lose respect for her. As far as betraying your confidence, Grace, I would never do that either."

Grace sighed. "I'm not sure, but I think maybe my father is not really my biological father, if you know what I mean."

"Did she write that, directly?"

"No, she just references telling him about me, and feeling guilty and praying for forgiveness, and then later she said something about me looking like him."

"By him, I assume she didn't mean Sam then?"

"No, she definitely didn't want anyone to recognize that I looked like whoever he was. Do you know a man named Matt my mother is friends with?"

"Sure, Matt's a great guy. He and your mom have dinner once a week. I suspect that Matt is in love with Maggie, truth be told."

"Has he lived here his whole life? Do you think he's the same Matt she knew as a teenager?"

"Yes, I'm sure he is. What are you thinking, Grace? That Matt is your father?"

"I don't know. What do you think I should do?" she asked him.

"Why don't you ask Maggie?"

Grace laughed. "Because she would first yell at me for invading her privacy, second, kick me and my children out of the house, and third, never speak to me again."

"I can't see Maggie doing all that. Once she got past being hurt about you going through her things—"

"Oh never mind," Grace said, cutting him off. She stood. "None of you here know the same Maggie I do. I grew up with a bitter, unhappy, drunk for a mother. Yes, I said it out loud—my mother was a drunk. She seems to have kicked that, and I'm happy for her. But, Charlie, she was not a good mother to me, and there is no way that I could tell her something like this."

Charlie stood up and took her hands in his. "I'm sorry, Grace. I didn't know it was that bad. Maggie did have a drinking problem when she first came here. As a matter of fact, Matt was the one who helped her through it. He's her sponsor. That's how the Friday night dinners started."

Grace suddenly had an idea. "Charlie, what if I talk to him. Maybe he can shed some light on all of this."

"Don't you think that would make Maggie more upset when she found out?"

"I don't know. It's just the only thing I can think of besides talking to her, and I just can't do that."

"Alright," Charlie told her. "Let me see if I can get a hold of him. I'll ask him to come down here. It might feel safer to you to do it here."

Grace hugged him. "Thank you, Charlie. You're a good friend."

Charlie smiled. "Maybe one of these days we could have one of those dinner-only-not-a-date-things since we're friends?"

Grace smiled back. "Maybe."

Charlie went back to the office and Grace straightened up the aisles until she heard the door jingle. She went out to see if it was a customer and she saw a pleasant looking older man with brown hair and ruddy cheeks. "Hi there," she greeted. "Can I help you find something?"

"Maybe," he said. "I'm looking for Grace."

Charlie came out of the back. "Hey Matt, that was quick!"

They shook hands. "I was just up the street. It sounded important. Are you Grace?" he asked, turning to her.

"Yes. Thank you for coming."

"You are as pretty as your mama has always said you were," he told her. Grace smiled and Matt must have read something in it. "She really does speak highly of you."

"I'm glad to hear that," Grace said.

"Why don't you two go in the office and talk. I can handle it out here."

Matt followed Grace to the office and took the chair she offered him. Crossing his feet he said, "So, Grace, how can I help you?"

Grace didn't know where to start. She was humiliated to have to tell this stranger what she had done. It helped that he had a way about him that made her feel at ease. She could see why Maggie had chosen him to be her sponsor. She finally bit the bullet and told Matt what she had done and what she had found out. Matt listened quietly.

"I've been telling Maggie for years that secrets do more harm than good," he told her when she'd finished.

"Then you know what really happened? You know who my real father is?"

"I didn't say any of that, Grace. Let me tell you first. Maggie is my dearest friend, and I will not betray any secrets she may have entrusted me with. However, that being said, I have been trying for years to get Maggie to invite you here and work on your relationship. So now you're here, and I get the feeling when I talk to Maggie lately, that the two of you are getting closer. If there are any secrets that need to be shared, now is probably the time to do it."

"So you agree with Charlie, I should just ask her?"

"Yes and no. I know Maggie, probably better than anyone but you. She will be angry and defensive, and it would probably do you both well to have a mediator."

"You would do that for me?" Grace asked him.

Matt smiled. It was a nice smile. "Yes, but mostly I'd do it for Maggie. Her soul has been burdened for decades, and it's about time she lifted some weight from it."

"Thank you!" Grace told him. She was still nervous about talking to Maggie about all of this, but she would definitely feel better with back up. The only problem came when Matt told her to meet him and Maggie at their weekly dinner at the diner. The thought of waiting all week, while living under her mother's roof with all of this bottled up, made her nervous all over again. Matt, however, assured her that it would be a better time, and a better place, than any other he could think of. She agreed, reluctantly, and he told her to meet them at the diner Friday night at seven.

***

On Tuesday morning, Grace woke up and promised herself that she was not going to agonize all week about the pending confrontation with her mother. It was easier said than done, but luckily she had the kids and work to keep her busy. As she was making breakfast that day, Macy came into the kitchen. She was dressed in her good clothes, and not the jeans and t-shirts she usually wore to the Harwell's.

"Well, don't you look nice. Do you have a date I don't know about?" Grace asked her.

Macy grinned mischievously. "Maybe."

"What?" Grace asked in that too-high pitched voice that mothers use when they're shocked or upset.

"Chill Mama," Macy said with another smile. "It's with Grandmother. She said I could go work with her today at the shop."

"Really? That's wonderful. You're getting pretty good at this quilting thing, aren't you?"

"Yep," Macy said, obviously proud of herself. "Grandma is teaching a class today and I get to help her."

"Well, no wonder you're wearing your new clothes. Teachers have to dress nice."

"Oh, Mother," Macy said with an eye-roll, but Grace could tell she was pleased.

Grace thanked Maggie before they left, but Maggie shrugged it off, as usual. Grace got the little ones ready and Louise picked them up soon after. Charlie was picking up Grace today. He had told her he had to be out in the area anyway so he would give her a ride to work. He got there about half an hour after the kids had left.

"You didn't get into anymore journals while you were alone, did you?" he asked when he arrived and saw the house was empty.

Grace teasingly punched him in the arm. "Knock it off, Charlie. I've changed my ways."

"Are you ready? We have one stop to make on our way to town."

"Let's go," she said, heading to the door.

On the way to the main road, Charlie and Grace passed John. He and Luke were fixing a piece of broken fence out by the road. Luke saw them first and waved. John looked up, and Grace could swear she saw the contempt in his aqua blue eyes as he lifted his hand and waved, too. Charlie, on the other hand, offered a big, toothy smile and hearty wave as if saying hello to his best friend. She got the feeling that he had fun goading John.

At the main road, they turned to the right and headed away from town. Grace was sure that John had noticed that as well, but told herself it was silly to worry about it. She and John weren't an item, and she and Charlie were only friends as well. It was all innocent, and she had bigger things to worry about. They turned off the road after a few miles and took a long, dirt driveway up to a mobile home that looked like it had definitely seen better days. It was leaning to one side and the porch was missing a step and several boards. It also had 'No Trespassing' signs posted all over. Grace counted three at least.

"What are we doing here?" she asked.

"Making a delivery. You can stay in the truck, I'll be right back," he told her.

She watched as he got out of the truck and took a bag out of the bed. He carried it up the broken steps, skipping the missing one like he was used to it. He knocked on the door, but didn't wait for an answer before setting the bag down in front of the door and coming back down the steps.

"Okay, now to work," he said as he got back in and started the truck.

"What did you leave? Who lives here?" Grace asked.

As Charlie backed up and turned the truck around he answered her questions. "His name is Buford Lange. He's an old man, really old, I suppose. He was old when I was a kid. I heard stories that he fought in World War II, but you know how this town is, it could only be stories. Anyways, he used to come in the store all the time. He stopped a few years ago. I asked about him and no one had seen him. I came out here one day and found him sitting on the porch, naked. He seemed really disoriented. I called an ambulance and he was gone for a few weeks. He has a social worker now, but she told me if he doesn't have food and drinking water, things like that, he wouldn't be able to keep living on his own. I just got the feeling that might kill him. I bring him out some groceries a few times a week. He won't answer the door for me, but I watched a few times, and when he sees me backing out to leave, he picks them up."

Grace looked at him with awe. "You have an amazing heart, Charlie."

He was as good as her mother at taking a compliment. He shrugged and said, "Just doing what anyone else would do. Are you doing okay? Not obsessing over talking to your mother on Friday are you?"

"No, not obsessing. Anxious, stressed, you know, but not obsessing." She laughed. "Okay, obsessing."

"I thought so," he said with a grin. "You seem like the obsessive type."

"Oh do I?"

"Yep, I saw the way you looked when we passed that fence John was fixing just now. You're obsessing about what he's thinking of us being together right now, aren't you?"

"I am not, that never even crossed my mind," she fibbed.

"Okay," Charlie said with another laugh. It was a little scary Grace, thought, how well he knew her already.

The store was slow and she and Sarah were both working, so when John came in and surprised her, asking her out for lunch, Sarah suggested she go and take a long lunch.

Grace wasn't sure. "Shouldn't I make sure it's okay with Charlie?"

"You can if you want, but he won't mind. It's crazy slow today."

"It's settled then," John said. Grace wasn't sure it was, but she got her purse and went anyway. They walked to the diner together.

"So what brings you to town today?" Grace asked when they'd been seated.

"You." His honesty was a little unsettling sometimes. She could see by the way he looked at her that he was definitely hoping for more than just friends.

"Really? You came all the way into town in the middle of a day that you could be working to see me?"

"Really," he said with a smile. "I saw you go by this morning, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you all day."

"Aw, that's nice, John. I thought maybe you just wanted to make sure I was at work, since you saw me with Charlie this morning."

"I will admit that I can't stand that guy. But I don't own you, Grace. You can see whomever you want to see. I really just missed you."

Their food came, and they made small talk throughout their meal. After they had eaten and John had paid, they walked back to the store. Before they reached the windows in front, John asked, "Can I kiss you, Grace?"

"John, I really need to figure some things out before you and I get any more involved than we are now. I'm sorry. I know I told you I'd think about it. I've just got some family things on my mind lately and I need to work through them before I move forward with you, or anyone."

"Fair enough. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," she said. "But thank you for asking, and for being so understanding." Grace hugged him. "Thank you for lunch too, it was good to see you."

"Thank you for going with me. I won't pressure you Grace, but I hope you'll give me a chance." With that, he walked away.

Grace turned toward the store and saw Charlie watching them through the window. When she went inside she said, "I hope you don't mind that I left early for lunch. Sarah said it would be okay."

"Not at all." He was still watching out the window as John drove away.

***

It was a long week. Grace had taken the kids to Great Falls on Thursday to go school clothes shopping. They had made a day of it like she had promised them and gone to the park and had lunch. Macy loved the duck pond just like Grace had known she would, and Lucy and Brock had a great time running around and playing on the swings and slides.

Friday came at last, and Grace was so tired from acting like everything was okay that she thought once it was all over she might sleep for two days. That was, if she had a place left to sleep. Maggie might not trust her to stay in her house any longer, and the more Grace thought about it, the more she thought her mother would have every right.

At work, Charlie did his best to reassure her. She hadn't seen John since their lunch on Tuesday. When she allowed herself to think about him, she realized that she missed him. She also realized that when it came to talking to someone about what was going on in her life, she had chosen Charlie and not John. She would have to give some serious thought to what that was about later on, but not today.

Louise had agreed to stay at Maggie's house with the kids until she got home. Grace thought that if things went badly, it might be embarrassing for Louise to be there. However, knowing this town, Louise might know everything before Grace and Maggie had even made it home.

Grace closed up the store for Charlie that night. He had seemed somewhat out of sorts all afternoon. Grace had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she hadn't wondered about it too much. At six o'clock, when he told her he needed to go and asked her to close, she just assumed that he had a date. As she was locking up, a tan BMW drove up and parked in the front stall. The woman driving was probably in her sixties and she rolled down her passenger window and asked, "Is Charlie already gone?"

"Yes," Grace answered. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No. I was going to try and get here in time so that we could ride to the cemetery together. The traffic was a nightmare on the interstate. Anyway, thank you, I'll find him there, I'm sure."

"Wait, Miss!" Grace called as the woman began to roll her window back up. "Is this the anniversary of—?"

The woman sadly nodded her head. "Today is the anniversary of my daughter and granddaughter's death—Celeste and Celia."

The woman left, and Grace felt terrible. As she walked to the diner, she told herself what a terrible person and terrible friend she was. She hadn't even asked Charlie about his mood, which seemed to start out all right, but darken as the day moved on. She promised herself that she would find him as soon as she finished talking with her mother and make sure he was okay.

Grace saw Matt and her mother's back when she walked into the diner. Matt waved her over to their table, and Maggie looked surprised when she turned and saw Grace. She looked back at Matt, but before she could say anything, Grace was at the table.

"Grace, what are you doing here?" she asked. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, Mother. Everything's fine. I just need to talk to you, and I asked Matt to be here when I did."

"You two know each other?" Maggie asked, confused.

"We just met this week," Matt told her. "Please Grace, sit. Can I have the waitress bring you anything?"

"Just coffee, please," she said.

"What's going on?" Maggie asked, suspicious now.

Matt looked at Grace who was having a hard time knowing where to start. He came to her rescue. "Maggie, Grace found out some things since she's been back in town and she has some questions for you about them."

"Okay. . ." Maggie said, obviously not sure why Matt knew this.

Grace suddenly opened her mouth and blurted out, "I read some of your old journals."

They were the only people in the diner except for the staff. It was excruciatingly quiet and it seemed to Grace like the whole world stood still for those few moments until Maggie said anything.

"Why?" Maggie finally asked. "Why would you invade my privacy like that?"

"I'm sorry, Mother. I've wanted for so long to know you. I came here, and all of the people in this town seemed to know you better than I do. I have a hard time talking to you. And when I was putting my things in the attic, one of your boxes fell apart and a journal was on top of the pile. I didn't mean to read it, but I did, and I got more than I bargained for. I am truly sorry for going behind your back that way, but now I need answers, Mother, I really do."

Maggie was still sitting quietly with her back straight and it seemed like she was using the long pauses to stay calm. At last she asked, "About what?"

"More like who, Mother. Sam was not my real father, I gathered that much from your writings. I want to know who my real father is, and why you lied to Sam."

Maggie's eyes filled with tears and she looked at Matt. He gave her a small nod of his head and reached across the table and took her hand. Maggie started talking, and as Grace listened, she wished that words could be unheard, and memories could be erased.

"After high school, I worked at a clothing outlet here in town. Sam came to town often. He was a buyer for his dad's ranch. We met, and we fell in love. My daddy hated him. I'm not sure why, but he did. When he read my journal and found out that Sam and I had been intimate, he came to the store and called me some terrible names in front of everyone. Matt took me home that day. He worked there, too. The next night, though, our creepy boss, Mr. Sykes, made me stay and work late. He told Matt to go on and he'd take me on home afterwards."

Maggie paused. The tears were flowing freely, and suddenly realizing with horror where this was all going, Grace interrupted her story. "It's okay, Mama. You don't have to tell me anymore."

"No, I should have told you a long time ago. Sykes didn't take me straight home that night. We stopped at his place and he made me come in. He told me he had to pick something up. He offered me a drink and I said no, I just wanted to go home. He opened a beer anyway and sat down in a chair. He looked at me ] and I knew what he had in mind. He licked his lips and asked me how I'd like to get a big raise at work. I told him again I just wanted to go home. I was getting scared. He kept talking; it was getting dirtier by the minute, so I ran for the door. I got as far as the porch and he caught me around the waist and pulled me inside." Maggie had been looking at the table up until that part. She took a deep breath and continued. "He raped me, Grace. That's why I lied to Sam. I was so ashamed. Daddy already thought I was a whore for being with Sam. If I told him about Sykes, I don't think he would have believed it was rape. I was so afraid that I'd have to go back to that store and see that man again, everyday. I had to get out of this town. Away from him, and Sam was my ticket. He deserved better."

Grace was shocked. She was experiencing so many emotions at once that she didn't know what to feel first. She was disgusted by the thought of that man forcing himself on her mother. She was in pain for the young woman her mother had been and the pain and loneliness she had endured afterward, keeping this all to herself. She understood, now, why Maggie had been so unhappy, why she had drank, and why it was so hard for her to love Grace.

"I'm sorry, Mama," she said with tears of her own flowing down her cheeks.

Maggie reached across and took Grace's hand in her own. "I'm the one who's sorry. I gave you a wonderful father, and then I took him away from you. Sam left us because I finally told him the truth. I couldn't live with it anymore. It was eating me up. He loved you more than anything in this world, you know."

"Then why did he leave? Surely he could understand what you had been through, how hard that was on you. And then there was me. I was eight years old. He knew none of it was my fault. I spent my life believing my dad abandoned me, and I was right. I refuse to think of that filth that hurt you as my father. Sam was—and always will be—my father, and if he was here right now, I'd punch him in the mouth for leaving you. I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry you had to look at me for so long and see him. I always wondered why you couldn't love me, what I was doing wrong. I understand now."

"Oh Gracie, I never had a hard time loving you. I loved you from the day I laid eyes on you. I was just a miserable person and all of the lies were turning my soul black. Sam always asked me why I was never happy anymore, and finally, one day I just blurted it out. You're right, it was not your fault and he should not have abandoned you. If I've learned anything in life, though, it's that you don't really know what you'll do until you're in a new situation yourself."

Grace and Maggie both stood. Grace hugged her mother, and for the first time since Grace was eight years old, her mother really hugged her back. Grace remembered suddenly that Matt was still there. Looking down at him sitting in the booth she asked him, "You knew all of this?"

He nodded. "Matt knew that night. He was the one I went to. I couldn't tell anyone else, Matt and I could always talk. I didn't know it then, but it was what I should have been looking for in a man all along."

They both looked at Matt and he smiled. "The right one is usually right under your nose." Grace followed where Matt was looking, and sitting in the front booth of the diner, all alone and looking miserable, was Charlie.

Grace hugged Maggie again and said something to her that she hadn't said in many years. "I love you."

Maggie didn't even hesitate when she returned the sentiment. "I love you too, Gracie."

"Matt," Grace said. "Would you mind seeing Mama home. I think I see a friend in need."

Matt held out his arm and Maggie took it, "It'll be my pleasure."

Grace went over and sat in the booth across from Charlie. She reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. "I'm here for you tonight, Charlie. Whatever you need."

#

### About the Author

Linda lives in Wyoming with her husband and three horses. Her western romance books are perfect for a quick read on the bus to work or for that final time alone before falling asleep. When not writing western romance novels, she can be found out on the trail with her rescue horse—Sunday—or working in her garden that feeds her family nearly all year.

