Harry Potter.
The most iconic and beloved wizard in living
memory.
A ''triwizard'' champion.
Multiple Quidditch cup winner.
And the guy who took down Voldemort twice
Once as a tiny baby.
He's perfect in every way
Or is he?
Tonight on Secret Histories.
We uncover the truth about the boy who lived,
and the ancient circle of wizards.
Shrouded in mystery, working to maintain his
flawless image and further their own foul
ambitions.
*Drunk AF* This way come on. Don't worry.
Don't worry. You're safe with me. I'm Harry
Po-
*vomit sounds* Ughh!!!-hugh.
Ewwwww!!! What the fuck?!
*sninkering*
*insane inhale*
I'm the chosen one, Hermione.
Ummm, stop calling us that. -- My name is
Crystal.
Hermione.
Hermione.
Hermione, Hermione!
*slurred* Who wants to go to Harry's house?
No, this is weird.
Woo-hoo! Harry's house!
All right, great, let's go.
Actually, it's not really a house, it's more
of a flat.
He's obsessed with Hermione. The only reason
he went after my sister was to get back at
me.
*sexual moaning* He used to send me pictures...
...graphic pictures.
He's disgusting!
Things only got worse after Potter left Hogwarts
According to his PR, I was the bully. That's
certainly not the way I remember it
*agonized groaning*
Ohhh! That's gotta sting! Haha!
Harry... Harry, please!
*maniacal laughing*
Are you ready to find the Golden Snitch?
Harry, no, don't. Don't!
AHHHHHHHHH!!!-
He was gonna unite us, to defeat evil for
good,
It was important that we --
''Maintain his image''. But now there's a
group of wizards guiding him.
Manipulating him...
We don't know who they are or what they call
themselves.
We've seen it before
We've never managed to track them down, but
they've had a hand in every major tragedy
in history.
And now they've got Harry!
They're up to something. And I fear that Harry
will be their most
devastating weapon.
So the question is: Is Harry Potter just a
moronic egomaniacal bully,
with a taste for high-class hookers and booze?
Or is he being manipulated by the most powerful
wizard cult the world has ever known?
With the future of the Wizard and Muggle worlds
hanging in the balance.
Only time will tell...
Weaponry.
Jewellery.
Ancient Artifacts.
This man will buy them all.
I can give you...
12 bucks?
Pawn Stop.
Every day at 6/7 Central on Mashed.
Mortal Kombat.
Time-honored tournament of the realms,
and Earth's last line of defense against the
ruthless invaders of Outworld...
Or so we've all been told.
Tonight, on Secret Histories.
A patriotic tale of heroism gives way to a
diabolical government cover-up, with flawless
brutality.
Shang Tsung: The Earthrealm Army came to our
world.
Say it is with peace.
But they burn our fields. Dig hole in mountain!
I beg them to stop, but they just beat us
up.
And all the time they are yelling in our faces,
Mortal Kombat!!
*Sobbing*
It was rumored professor Kano,
a Pulitzer winning journalist and humanitarian,
attempted to leak these atrocities to the
public.
Kano: Oh bugger.
*Thud*
*Crack*
But no such information was ever released.
Sonya: You've got a good eye Kano.
Kano: Cute.
Sonya: Who are you planning on showing these
to?
Kano: The world!
They deserve to know what's happening here!
Sonya: Our mission is survival, Kano!
Our world is dying!
food, fuel, resources, what Earthrealm needs
Outworld has.
it's not exactly rocket science now is it?
Raiden: Sonya, enough!
Finish him.
Sonya: My pleasure.
Kano: WAIT NO!
*Punt*
*Plop*
Kano: Ow.
Raiden: Excellent.
To eradicate growing suspicions, Psyops commander
Raiden enacted covert Black Op code name,
"Mortal Kombat"
Phase one, a full-scale media takeover,
news channels,
entertainment,
Social Media,
all puppeteered for one purpose,
the methodical demonization of Outworld.
*Explosion*
Johnny Cage: Toasty.
Phase two strategically selected false-flag
attacks both at home, and abroad.
Orchestrated to ensure that the blame fell
to Outworld.
Goro: It's like they've brainwashed the whole
damn world.
Noob Saibot: It's insane!
Goro: Every year there's some new Outworld
threat.
Noob Saibot: Every Gosh-dang year!
Goro: Some evil wizard,
Some new warlord,
robots.
Noob Saibot: Wizards and warlords, warlords
and Wizards!
Goro: Don't even get me started on the Ninjas.
Noob Saibot: And those wack-ass nin-
Wait, what's wrong with Ninjas?
Goro: Come on, It's embarrassing!
They couldn't be lazier with these lies!
How many identical ninja recolors do you think
they'll fabricate before-
Noob Saibot: Woah, woah, woah, hey!
Some of those recolors are my pals, pal!
Goro: Uh, look I didn't mean to offend your
kind...
Noob Saibot: Wha- My kind!?
Yo what's that supposed to mean!?
*Click*
Baraka: Oops.
Noob Saibot: Man what you mean my kind!?
Phase three...
Invade,
eradicate,
and occupy.
Raiden: Peace is about coexistence.
And Outworld's repeated dismissals to reach
a non-violent accord between our two realms,
has forced us,
to employ military action.
Our mission is to end the conflict in Outworld.
And let these people finally rest...
In peace.
Kano: One more question,
for the press.
Raiden: Anything...
for an old friend.
Kano: All the blood,
the fatalities,
the brutalities,
was it really worth it?
Raiden: Fear is the great unifier Kano, and
we have given the sheep of Earthrealm that
fear.
Yes,
we've made a handsome profit.
But we've spared the destruction of our realm.
Would you undo all that we have done?
You know better than most we all have to fight
to survive.
After all...
BAKALAKALAKALAKA!﻿
That's why we call it...
MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
