>> BETH MCKAY: Thank you very much, Robyn.
I'm excited to be here.
>> ROBYN OJALA: I'm excited you're here! [laughs]
All right, if you want you can jump right
in.
>> BETH: Okay.
Well, I just, I think we need to start off
with, right before the call, hello everybody
and welcome.
I'm really excited to be sharing a whole new
approach to self-care today.
And right before we actually came live here,
Marina and Robyn were sharing with me that
over 4,800 people have registered for this
webinar today.
It's the largest, the highest number that
they've ever had at CharityVillage.
And that just, it number one, it makes my
heart sing and number two, it really tells
me that this is something that really matters.
So without further delay, let's get started.
For the next hour, I would love to invite
you to turn off the volume on your phone,
close all the other screens that are open
on your computer, grab a pen and some paper,
get comfortable and let yourself take a break.
Much like boarding an airplane, let this be
your flight.
There's no need to fasten your seatbelt here
though.
You can think of me as your captain and your
tour guide.
During our time together, I'm going to be
asking questions, Robyn's going to be reading
some of the responses in the chat and we're
going to do an exercise part way through this
webinar today and together we're going to
discover a new approach to how we want to
define what self-care means for us.
So who am I?
I'm Bodacious Beth!
As a certified professional coactive coach,
workshop facilitator, group coach, and bodacious
woman, I guide women to discovering who they
are without all the disempowering stories
they tell themselves so they can go out in
the world and do the things that matter to
them and have way more fun.
But it hasn't always been this way.
One of my biggest messages I got growing up
was that you have to work hard, Beth.
You have to earn our trust.
As a kid, I translated that into I'm not lovable
and that became my lifelong mission of trying
to be who I thought everyone wanted me to
be.
Spoiler: it didn't work.
I can still catch myself today, and it usually
is when I'm not taking care of myself.
In 2014 a close friend of mine asked me a
question that changed my life.
She asked me if my house was a true reflection
of who I was.
Now, I'm a Toronto girl.
I lived there for 35 years.
What kind of a question is that?
But when I really listened, within, I realized
that my house no longer really was part of
who I wanted to be.
So I put my house up for sale and and of course
being in Toronto, it sold.
Curious me had a friend who lived in Nova
Scotia who had an apartment by the ocean.
So out I came for a visit and ended up deciding
to move here for eight months.
I came with the intention of wanting to explore
who I wanted to be in life.
And I'm surprised and happy to say that as
of this November that eight months turned
into five years.
I fell in love with living by the ocean.
I discovered my creative side, quilting, and
this is finally where I have unleashed my
creative side.
During my first winter in Nova Scotia, I don't
know if everyone remembers the winter of 2014-15,
we had a snowmageddon out here.
It was crazy the amount of snow and I got
trapped in my little apartment out by the
ocean and this was the space that was going
to help me learn who I wanted to be.
It ended up becoming my prison.
And I'll never forget the day my coach asked
me, "What can't I be with."
The answer was I couldn't be with me.
I'd spent my life trying to be who I thought
I needed to be in order to be successful,
to be liked, to be respected.
But I did it all at the cost of my own well-being.
My experience in not-for-profit has been on
the financial side, managing the books for
quite a few different organizations over the
years.
I've seen firsthand the impact of how the
lack of funding hurts what matters to us most,
the sacrificing of hours, the lack of resources
and everything for the sake of the cause.
Again, often at the expense of our own health
and well-being.
Eleanor Brown says it best: rest and self-care
are so important.
When you take the time to replenish your spirit,
it allows you to serve from the overflow.
You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
So, here's how we're going to approach self-care
during our time together today.
We're going to have fun!
This isn't going to be your typical self-care
talk where I'm going to tell you that all
you need to do is meditate and say Om Shanti
Shanti Shanti.
I think it's three times!
Or sleep for 2 more hours a night.
I know that you already know all about that
kind of self care.
What I want for you to get out of this webinar
is to experience the power of curiosity.
We have the most fun when we're doing what
we love.
Working in the not for profit sector, for
most, wasn't a choice.
It was a calling to something that deeply
matters to each one of us.
And since we spend most of our waking hours
working, I think it's fair to say that spending
all that time working has a huge impact on
determining the quality of our life.
As you listen and participate today, get curious
as you consider why you do what you do?
So let's get started.
First question!
I would love to know, and here's where you
can use the chat - Robyn's going to take some
of your feedback as to how you define self
care.
What is self care for you?
>> ROBYN: Go ahead and add it to the question
box and then I'll get to some of yours and
read them to Beth.
>> BETH: Perfect.
Thanks Robyn.
So, Google, which is a verb and a noun and
something that we do with everything.
I thought I would ask Google as I was getting
ready for this webinar, you know, what Google
has to say about self-care.
Google says it's the practice of taking an
active role in protecting one's own well-being
and happiness.
I love that.
You know, it's like we have to protect ourselves
in our lives for the sake of whatever it is
that we're doing.
Three years ago.
I conducted a survey with a hundred women
and over 80% of the women that responded,
the number one thing that they wanted more
of with self-care.
That was over creativity, it was over abundance,
it was over freedom, it was over laughter,
it was over love, joy, everything.
The thing that they wanted the most was more
self care.
What's the responses like Robyn?
>> ROBYN: Oh, wow.
You guys are amazing.
They're just flooding the chat box here!
Everything from going to the dog park, exercising.
Another great one is saying 'no', not always
saying 'yes', which I think is just absolutely
fantastic.
That's something I try to work on.
Knowing when to pause, you know, regroup.
Maybe listening to music, washing my car.
It's just, you know, maybe taking care of
your spirituality, you know, focusing on that
more.
There's just so many of these, these are fantastic.
Do you want me to read more, Beth?
>> BETH: Well, I just, you know, I just, I
really want to highlight the saying 'no'.
Because I think it really pertains to being
a not for profit because, you know, when we
see the kids that aren't getting the funding
for the programs that we're trying to offer
them to give them a better quality of life
(I'm just using that as one example) and we're
doing that at the expense of our own family,
our own down time , we really do have to learn
how to say 'no'.
And so I just, I really love that one.
And I love the going to the dog park, and
the spirituality.
And and WOW.
Okay, let's give me a few more before we move
on.
>> ROBYN: All right.
So, boundaries is one.
Self-awareness.
Sometimes you just need to binge eat on snacks.
Sometimes it's family, just listening to your
body and what it's, you know, what it's telling
you.
Do you need more sleep, exercise?
Yeah.
So those are some great ones.
>> BETH: Love that binge eating on snacks!
My binge eating, well, it is peanut M&Ms.
[laughs]
>> ROBYN: [laughs] Oh mine is, mine's pasta.
>> BETH: I have a love affair with M&Ms peanuts.
Anyways, we shall continue.
Whoops.
Hold on.
Okay, I'm multi - oh ho!
- I had to multitask there.
Heehee.
That was a little reveal.
In order to define really what self-care means
for us, we actually have to go back to the
beginning, to the foundation of who we are.
I like to say, who we BE, you know, and if
you think, if you go back to how I introduced
myself, part of my life was like not knowing
who I wanted to be in the world and that really
impacted how I took care of myself.
So it all begins with our why, our purpose.
Purpose gives you a reason to get out of bed
in the morning regardless of what's happening
in your life.
So, and there are thousands of resources out
there on the topic of purpose.
I like Simon Sinek's Start With Why.
Our 'why' is our purpose, what we believe.
I highly recommend listening to his TED Talk.
If you Google "Start With Why Simon Sinek'
it will bring it up and it will explain this
whole Golden Circle.
I'm just curious do any of you on the call
today have a clear picture of what that purpose
is?
I'd love to hear a couple of you share if
you know what your purpose is.
And while we're waiting for some of those
responses to come in, I shall flip to the
next slide.
Did you get any responses, Robyn?
>> ROBYN: So I see one for helping people,
and living with joy with the people I love
around me, share my love, happiness, caring
for others.
My purpose is to make some make a change in
the world, a positive change.
>> BETH: Yeah.
Yeah, it's all in, and and I love these.
Thank you so much.
And I see that the, you know, it's the love
for wanting to serve, in whatever manner that
is, and in order to be able to fulfill that
dream and that purpose we have to take care
of ourselves.
And so what I want to do today, is do a little
bit of an exercise.
And this really is the abbreviated format
of finding out what our why is.
We only have a certain amount of time.
So this is the best way just to kind of get
a glimpse into what that purpose is.
And so grab your pen and paper.
I spent much of my life believing that I had
to be and do things in order to find that
happiness.
I became so fixated on living other people's
dreams that I never took the time to ask myself
what my dreams were.
And the result was doing a whole lot of what
I didn't like, but I did it anyways, so it's
no wonder I lost my passion and I had to end
up dealing with stress and burnout and depression.
This exercise is a great introduction to naming
what matters to you.
And so what I'd love for you to do, on your
piece of paper, is to get three columns and
on the top of one put the word 'be', then
'do', then 'have' in the other two columns.
To get you started, I'm going to share what
a few of mine are.
When we think of the 'being' we think of three
qualities that describe who you want to be.
So my examples of who I want to be are playful,
free, curious, creative, trusting, compassionate.
In the 'doing', three things I want to do:
play the piano, laugh, lead women's groups,
travel to Africa.
And the three things I want to have: an artist's
studio, a chef's kitchen, a healthy body,
and more fun.
So what I would love for each of you to do
is to write down at least three in each one
of your columns.
And as you have three in the be, do, have,
I'd love for you to then share them in the
chat box to Robyn and I'm going to have Robyn
read out a few, just so that we can actually
get the, you know, just the response from
what people are saying.
And while we're waiting for people to respond,
Robyn, I'm kind of curious.
I'm gonna put you right on the spot here,
what are three qualities that describe who
you want to be?
>> ROBYN: Well, I think three qualities that,
if I, when I think about it, is that I really
admire and what I would like and strive to
do is to be patient.
And you nailed one where you said 'creative'
and the other one is to be empathetic.
>> BETH: Mmm.
That's a beautiful one.
I love that one.
>> ROBYN: Yeah.
>> BETH: Yeah.
Yeah, you know when you think about being
empathetic, what does that give you in the
work that you do?
Yeah, what about the doing?
>> ROBYN: Doing.
Oh one of my things, passions and part of
my self care is traveling.
So I want to keep traveling.
I want to, I've got a bucket list to travel.
Trying to just, and I feel like I'm stealing
yours, but laughing.
And I think my colleague, Marina, who's working
the background right now, she can attest to
that, is I love to laugh, you know, and I'd
like to just do more of that because I think
that's really important.
It's important to myself care as well.
And I think the other is that I want to do
volunteering, and I, and with being with CharityVillage,
and we do have a huge volunteer board and
that's something I manage.
And I look at myself or think to myself, you
know, these are some of these listings I want
to look through more and I want to volunteer.
Because I haven't done that in a really long
time.
And then that goes hand-in-hand with self-care,
and I think with a lot of us that we can relate
to is that caring and caring for others or
doing something not for really ourselves per
se?
I mean it is to a point, but doing for others.
>> BETH: Right, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And how we doing on the responses?
>> ROBYN: Oh they are just flooding in now,
so let me just open this up and everyone,
just bear with me here [laughst] just because
they keep, when they're coming in so fast,
they just keep scrolling up, scrolling up.
So for 'be' it's curious, centered and wise.
One that's for 'do' is help less privileged
in developing countries.
Another one for 'do' is to travel, learn a
new language.
Oh that's really good too.
Relax.
For 'have': fun, healthy life, love more.
Maybe have your own home or maybe animals.
Be more compassionate, creative, proactive.
Another is excited, interested, being, you
know, maybe more fun loving.
Another 'have' is agree with the chef's kitchen.
>> BETH: [laughs]
>> ROBYN: Enough money for retirement and
just fun.
[laughs]
>> BETH: Yes.
Yeah, just fun.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
I've got goose bumps.
Thank you everyone.
I just like wow, thank you.
Why we've done this is because I ... so I
got ahead of myself for a second there.
What I would love for each one of you, is
to take a look at the essence of everything
that you've written down on your paper because
here's where we're going.
As you're looking at the words of your being,
your doing, and your having, just as Robyn
so beautifully shared some of that feedback
that you're giving, how does it make you feel?
Like I said, it gives me goosebumps and it
just makes my heart sing.
And it's the thing that's lighting me up in
this moment, so, and for the purpose of today,
I would love for you to, you know, see if
you can find a word that can sum up the essence
of your be, do, have.
And while you're kind of taking a look at
it, I'm going to share mine.
And I don't think it'll be any surprise to
anybody, but my word, my why, is Bodacious.
It's what sums up what I shared at the beginning
of the exercise and so much more.
So much so that I created a manifesto to live
by and it's on my website if anyone wants
to go, it's free.
You can download it.
Please go and get it.
And what I love about my Manifesto is that
it reminds me of how I want to show up in
the world and what lights me up, and that
drives my purpose in my work.
And I'll just share two of the lines of my
Manifesto Embrace where you are in every minute.
Be wildly curious and don't forget to play.
Embrace your creativity it's magical.
And there's a lot there.
Well, there's a few more.
But I want to hear from you.
I want to hear what your "why" words are.
Robyn, have you got one to share to kick us
off?
>> ROBYN: Well, actually someone had put this
in the chat box and I thought that sort of
summed, and again not trying to say that I'm
taking from somebody else's, but I think when
I look at my own list and what summarizes
mine is connection.
>> BETH: Yes, yes.
>> ROBYN: It can actually be to to, you know,
the environment, maybe connection to people,
you know, connection to culture.
I mean, there's so many things.
>> BETH: Yeah, yeah.
Well and, I just on the list of values, that
is one of my top values because when we give
ourselves the gift of connecting to ourself,
to who we 'be' and what matters to us, it
gives us the gift to be able to connect to
others, to the environment, to what matters
in the world.
So that we can actually be, you know, as Gandhi
says, be that change that you wish to be in
the world.
So I love that that's what's kicking off our
'why' words.
What are some of the other 'why' words?
>> ROBYN: Oh, there's a lot of great ones.
There's fulfillment, alive, joyful, engagement,
empowerment, belonging, love, wisdom, serenity.
Honestly, you guys are just giving all these
amazing ones.
Mindfulness.
There's just so many.
>> BETH: Yep.
Keep reading.
>> ROBYN: So we have free will, passion, vitality,
curious.
Human, serendipity.
>> BETH: Oh I love that one!
>> ROBYN: Bold, growth, integrity, courageous.
You guys are making my job really easy.
Thank you.
Learning, helping, meant to be me, appreciation.
>> BETH: Oh my gosh.
Yes, see one of the reasons why I want to
fill the space with so many 'why' words is
so that we can all have that experience a
feeling what it is that we want and what matters
to us in the world because there's an energy
to that.
And the world needs this.
You know, our sectors of not-for-profit and
our jobs and our lives, they need more of
our 'why', of us living in this 'why', so,
it's one of the reasons why I just wanted
to take a few minutes and just have your voices
be a part of this because we really are all
in this together.
So let's begin, now that we have that 'why'
word, with our new approach to self.
And I'm curious.
Do you bring your whole self to your work
or are you operating on autopilot?
And I bring this in because the things that
I hear the most from my clients, are stress,
exhaustion, and burnout, are the results of
how we're doing our jobs.
And it's important to learn that we're not
our job.
And the number one way that we sabotage our
well-being, and I kind of laughed at the beginning
of the webinar because I actually gave it
away, and that's multitasking.
Ha!
Welcome to my scientific slide on the facts
about multitasking.
We have on your left a brain on one task.
It's gold.
It's beautiful.
It's shiny.
And on the right we have our brain on multitasking.
You know, it's blue, it's fragmented and all
stressed out.
And I just, I'm just, I'm curious.
What what does everybody believe about multitasking?
I'm just curious to get a few responses in
here.
And while the responses are coming in, I'd
love to share a little bit of a story.
I had the privilege of leading a breakout
session for a conference a couple of months
ago.
And what I really wanted for the group to
experience was the impact of the stress they
carry in their bodies.
So picture this: I had two circles of women.
I had 14 women in each circle and I had a
bag of 16 tennis balls.
So I had them all stand in a circle and I
gave each circle one tennis ball.
And I had them introduce, you know, make eye
contact, but to throw that tennis ball within
the circle.
And as we got started, you know, there was
lots of laughter and fun.
Like nobody was dropping the tennis ball,
but then I introduced a second tennis ball.
And still, like lots of fun and hilarity and
oh my God, don't get me in the face and everything.
And then the third tennis ball.
And then the balls started dropping.
So, can you imagine what it was like when
I got up to 7 tennis balls?
Lots of balls were being dropped by this point.
And so at seven tennis balls we decided to
call it, and they had a lot of fun.
But when everybody sat down, I asked who got
stressed out by the game.
And quite a few of them raised their hands.
So we dug a little deeper and we came up with
the cycle of how we can constantly be stressed.
So it all begins with doubt.
You know, we doubt something, we doubte a
decision.
We doubt our ability and you know, we get
into doubt and then in comes worry.
What are they going to think about me?
Am I doing enough?
Oh, I wish that there was more money.
I think we can all understand that worry.
And then, boom, we're stressed.
And it's like do more, be more, work more.
And my good friend, Bob Newhart, has the greatest
advice.
When we're done this webinar this afternoon,
go to YouTube and Google "Stop It".
Because the best thing to do with multitasking,
really, is to stop it.
And I really like the way Bob gives advice.
So, Robyn, I'd love to hear what's happening
in the chat with regards to multitasking.
>> ROBYN: We've got a lot of great responses
again, of course, you guys are fantastic.
So a lot of ones, there was quite quite a
few that said it's ineffective.
And then others had thought, they feel it's
more productive, that they can get more done.
Then some said it's stressful.
Others were saying it's, it makes life less
stressful.
One person said it kills creativity and aliveness.
And some others said, you know, I don't know
if it's really possible to multitask.
It can be challenging and one that, too, I
really liked and I never thought about this
way, was it can be exhausting.
>> BETH: Yes.
So exhausting.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, and you know, there are people that
it does come naturally to, like to, you know,
to be able to juggle more than one thing and
yay for them, and it's not for everybody.
And you know, it's interesting.
I was in a meeting recently.
I'm doing some financial work for a not-for-profit
in Nova Scotia, and one of the things that
the executive director, you know, questions
that she asked me was, you know, "are you
good at multitasking?"
And it's part of the job requirement that
they asked for people to apply.
And my response was, "well, I'm great at meeting
deadlines when they need to be gbe done and
I never do miss one, but I don't do my work
in a way of multitasking.
I pick the priority and that, you know what
needs to get done next, and I focus on that
and I get it done and then I move on to the
next thing and reassess"
And it really gave her, like she just kind
of went, "Oh, I never thought about it that
way."
And so I just wanted to bring that up.
Is there any questions or anything like that,
that's happening in the chat box.
>> ROBYN: Well, there's a lot of, there's
still a lot of great answers, actually.
I wanted to read out one which I thought was
really great, is if we're multitasking, how
can we be mindful?
>> BETH: Mmm.
>> ROBYN: There's a really great question.
Yeah.
>> BETH: Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd just love to answer that one: if we're
multitasking, how can we be mindful?
And I think, you know, and I'm not sure that
the two can go together.
In my experience it, and for those that are
the multitaskers, maybe this is the time for
them to chime in, and what I'm thinking of
somebody that's juggling.
If, you know, if I've got those bowling, what
do you call them, those bowling pins?
And I'm juggling.
What I'm concentrating on is holding all those
bowling pins up in the air.
I'm not, you know, and it's kind of hard to
focus on my ankle that is you know, maybe
you're hurting or feeling strained, because
I'm concentrating so much on holding all these
pins up in the air and so I'm not sure that
the two can go together.
>> ROBYN: I do have to say one comment that
I know made Marina and I laugh was, and it
was hilarious, is multitasking allows me to
attend this webinar.
[laughs]
>> BETH: [laughs] I love that!
You know, it's funny because I totally got,
I totally forgot to do this.
I'm going to check in now.
How many, and put your name, like guilty,
yes, whatever, on the call here today are
listening to this webinar while they're checking
their emails or looking at Facebook on their
phone, or checking out Instagram.
I'd love to know how many people are multitasking
right now.
>> ROBYN: Oh, there is lots of guilty, guilty,
guilty.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Is there any other, oh one has nope, another
one is no, but there's a lot of yeses.
>> BETH: And yeah, I you know, I get it and
it you know, we have wired ourselves to try
and take on so much that it, you know, at
the cost of our own well-being.
>> ROBYN: And, Beth, I don't mean to cut you
off but there is a someone that wanted to
know the name actually, there's a couple people,
the name of the person that does the "stop
it" video.
>> BETH: Oh, it's Bob Newhart.
>> ROBYN: Bob Newhart.
Okay.
Thank you.
>> BETH: Yep, Bob Newhart, stop it.
I just, honestly, it's a game changer.
[laughs] I remind myself of it like almost
daily and and I just I hope that there's a
way that, I don't know if you can comment
on the CharityVillage website as to what you
learn about "stop it", but I just absolutely
adore it.
But it's, you know, we take on all this stuff
because we believe it's our responsibility
in order to, you know, get all these things
done.
But we do it at the cost of ourselves and
the impact that that has is in the burnout
and the exhaustion and the letting go of our
jobs.
I heard colleague of mine in the States shared
with me as I was building this webinar, was
that she knew someone that was so passionate
about being in the not-for-profit world and
just through the chain of events and exhaustion
and burnout and all of that, they've actually
left the not-for-profit burnt out, jaded,
and they've gone back to corporate America.
And I just want to open your minds to the
possibility that we don't have to get it all
done.
The only person that's telling us to get it
all done is us.
And I get that we care.
So on that note, I would love to move on to
the antidote to multitasking.
Really the antidote to multitasking is to
slow down.
And taking our new first step to a new approach
to self-care.
Acceptance is the answer to recognizing where
you Are.
Remember back at the beginning, Eleanor Brown,
that quote that I shared?
In order to take care of what matters to you,
to the cause that you work for, to the children,
to the environment, to whatever that is.
You have to first take care of yourself and
that key is acceptance.
And up until about 4 weeks ago, the only thing
I had was this paragraph.
I finally bought the book and it's brilliant
and I want to share it with you so that you
can hear these words of acceptance.
"In fact, one of the great paradoxes of human
experience is that we can't change ourselves
or our circumstances until we accept what
exists right now.
Acceptance is the prerequisite for change.
This means giving permission for the world
to be as it is.
Because it's only when we stop trying to control
the universe that we can make peace with it.
We still don't like the things we don't like
we just cease to be at war with them.
And once that war is over.
Change can begin."
I've had to accept a lot my life as I'm sure
so have you and I continue to accept every
single day who I am without my stories.
And when I think about the not-for-profit
sector, of the things that we have to accept,
the lack of funding, the lack of resources
in that, you know if there is an acceptance
in that, that today I'm not going to solve
that problem.
But what I can do, today, is take care of
myself and maybe leave at 6:00 instead of
9, so that I can have some time with my family
at home and not work till 11 o'clock tonight.
And maybe what that will do is just give us
some breathing time to slow down.
And I know that one of the words when we go
back to that 'why', some of those words were
relaxed, were creativity, were mindfulness
or fulfillment.
When we're busy being busy, we're not connected
to the things that matter to us in our being
and we're being taken away from those.
And that robs the work that we do of our brilliant
essence.
>> ROBYN: Beth I had a really great question,
actually, that came in that says, "what if
acceptance feels really stressful?"
>> BETH: Yeah.
Well, acceptance is going to feel stressful
for a little while.
You know, I'll share a little bit of a personal
story and something that was really hard for
me to accept.
I get dry mouth even now.
Five years ago, before I moved to Nova Scotia,
I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
And I, I'm the one responsible for the way
that I ate (it was those chocolate peanut
M&Ms) [laughs] but that really caused that
diagnosis.
And for five years, I hid in shame.
I didn't tell anybody.
I just secretly took my Metformin and, you
know, tomorrow I'm going to start a diet.
Tomorrow I'm going to do this exercise and,
you know, and I was stressed out by not accepting
it.
Because, you know, type 2 diabetes, the progression
is we all know, higher blood sugar, more pills,
you know, insulin and a shortened life.
And last August, I finally, it just like,
it wasn't working.
And I finally just accepted the fact, I came
out of the closet, and I started sharing the
fact that I had type 2 diabetes and I really
wanted to do something about it.
And by accepting it, it allowed me.
You know, it wasn't, the there's no such thing
as perfection, but what it allowed me to do
was to start eating differently.
It allowed me to finally go back to the gym,
because I wasn't focusing on the type 2 diabetes.
I was focusing on me.
And I love that you bring up that stress,
to whoever it was that shared that, because
we are so stressed out in our life, and the
thing to get rid of the stress is to pay attention
to me.
And to anyone on the call, this is like a
little bit of a sidebar, who thinks the type
2 diabetes isn't reversible.
I'm living proof that it is because my last
blood sugar test with my doctor, there isn't
even pre-diabetes.
That's the power of acceptance.
And it's that learning to, you know, that
the stress is something that you create.
Acceptance is what's going to let go of that
stress eventually.
>> ROBYN: and someone wrote in and said "acceptance
can also feel like we're giving up, especially
in nonprofits.
We are here because we want to change things
and make a difference."
>> BETH: Yes.
I love that you bring that up then because
it really isn't about giving up about that
not-for-profit that you're working in.
It's really about making yourself a number
one priority because if you aren't, if you
burn out, you know, if you, you know, have
to go on stress leave, if you end up getting
depressed, if you end up getting so exhausted
that you lose that passion for what it is
that you do.
What's the outcome of that?
So it's not that you're giving up on what
it is that you love or why it is that you're
doing, it's actually putting you at the front
of the line, fueling you at the front of the
line, so that you can be everything that you
need to be and want to be and have the resources
within to do the work that you are called
to do.
We've just gotten it all backwards.
We forgotten ourselves in the mix of what
it is that we do.
I'd love to hear what else is in the space.
>> ROBYN: Yeah, got some more questions.
So one of them is, you know all this is wonderful,
but in practical terms, what do I do?
>> BETH: Ah, yay!
So, you know, I'm 56 years old and I'm still
learning.
And what I love about that question is that
it doesn't happen overnight.
So in practical terms, I remember Oprah and
Maria Shriver years and years and years ago,
on one of her talk shows, talking about just
taking five minutes a day.
And in that five minutes just shutting everything
off.
No cell phone, no computer, no nothing.
And just sitting there and breathing.
That's a way to begin in the practical terms.
You know another, I had a client who worked
a not-for-profit and I think she averaged
leaving the office at about eight o'clock
every night Monday to Friday and you could
find her in on Sundays too.
And so I challenged her to take a weekend
off.
And she did and she was so stressed out about
it because this report that needed to get
done wasn't going to get done.
But she agreed to do it and she did it.
And when we had our call the weekend after
she did, she said she got more done in the
Monday morning than she did the whole prior
week at work because she had given time to
herself.
>> ROBYN: That's wonderful.
>> BETH: Yeah.
>> ROBYN: We have a have another one that
came in, so how does this sort of exercise
evolve over time?
Can it be for the next five years?
What are your thoughts on that?
>> BETH: Well, yeah.
I just, this can be, this is for the rest
of your life.
You are this, you know, this beautiful body
having, you know, this this life and that's
self-care.
It's like making that declaration that's just
like, you know, that I come first.
Because if I take care of myself, it's going
to allow me to take care of my partner, my
husband, my children, my pets, my family,
my community, my cause, wherever it is that
I work.
It's almost, you know, I like to think of
self-care or any self awareness, self actualization,
like going to the gym.
You know, we have great intentions, we pack
our clothes, we go to the gym, and we look
at the dumbbells on that rack and if we're
going to do some bicep curls, we don't go
for the 25 pound dumbbells.
We start with the fives.
And, you know, we pick up those fives and
we learn to get comfortable with those fives.
And then when we get comfortable with those
fives then we progress up to the eights.
I didn't have the time to bring in expectations
today because we do only have an hour but
the expectations that we place on ourselves,
and I'll be at the front of the line for this
one, are so unreasonable, that it's no wonder
we're burning out and we're stressed out.
Because and, you know, we expect, you know,
the jobs of 20 to be put out by us alone.
And nobody benefits by that, let alone the
causes and and the sector of not-for-profit
that you work in.
So it's almost, and you know, I go back to
that super power of curiosity.
It's like, you know, bringing in that 'why'
word that, you know, that we've all shared
today, and that's just the abbreviated version
of it.
But you know, with that 'why' word, invite
curiosity in this moment, and picture what
your life could be like if you viewed what
you did in the choices that you made through
the lens of that 'why'?
How much more of yourself can you bring to
the work that you do, by aligning with what
matters
>> ROBYN: Great.
There's another question that came in, actually
there was a few people that asked this, is
there such a thing as unhealthy acceptance,
accepting things that you shouldn't.
>> BETH: Sure, you know, I think the opposite
of acceptance is fighting.
And so if we're not accepting what is, be
that whatever that is in our life, then we're
fighting it.
And so ,I'm not sure to whoever's listening,
what you define as something that's unhealthy,
but by accepting what, you know, what it is,
we do stop fighting, and that does give us
the opportunity to slow down, and take a look
at what is in our world, connect to what matters,
and to have a new perspective with which to
make the next choice or decision.
>> ROBYN: Great, and another question is,
and and actually I was thinking about this
myself, so whoever had asked this question
earlier, I was thinking the same thing.
Is it possible to retrain yourself from being
a multitasker?
And do you have any tips on maybe if you have,
you know, maybe someone that helps to hold
you accountable, a friend, a coach.
What are your thoughts on that?
>> BETH: Oh, you know, there's so much out
there on multitasking.
Something that I did see when I was doing
planning for this webinar was the Eisenhower
Formula.
I think that's what they call it.
And I know that everyone can relate to a to-do
list.
We've all got them running around in our heads,
sometimes we get organized and we put them
on Trello boards or like papers.
And we've got those to-do lists and really
when we take a look at that to do list, it's
learning how to go, okay, what's the most
important thing that needs to get done right
now?
It's like categorizing them, you know, like
this really needs to get done this week and
then picking just one and knowing that the,
on your list you've got everything else, you
know, segmented for whenever you want it to
get completed as well.
Yeah, that's, like that would be one of my
best tips.
I love having the accountability partners.
I love to rip up to do lists and and like
start again.
I learned a great tool about a year ago from
a colleague of mine.
She took her inbox and I think she'd been
keeping her email for like, I don't know,
five years and so she took a range of dates
from like 2016 to the end of 2018 and she
went select all and delete.
It was the most freeing thing she could have
done and why?
Because if anything was critical she knew
that whoever was going to get ahold of her
would reach out again.
>> ROBYN: Great.
>> BETH: I hope that helps.
>> ROBYN: That was excellent.
And there's another question that came in,
and thanks everyone for your questions, please
keep them coming.
Another one is how would you silence the guilty
feelings for not doing enough?
>> BETH: Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know my message in life was I'm
not enough and that message has, it's caused
me to overwork, overdo, over perform, over
everything, over achieve.
And they the first step to learning to making
that change really is, you know, if you go
back to, I didn't really get into the reading
of the slide, but the first step to making
a change is to recognize what it is that we're
doing.
And when we when we recognize what's here,
and why we, you know, are we performing because
we love doing what it is that we doing or
are we doing it because we believe that we're
not doing enough.
And when you look at that motivation in that
moment of that recognition of what's motivating
you, you have the ability to make a different
choice.
That's where the coming into this purpose
matters so much, right?
It's like oh, okay.
This really isn't something that I want to
do, but I want to do it because you know,
I don't want everybody else to think,
"Oh, she's slacking over there and leaving
at six o'clock."
But when you take in and know that you did
everything that you wanted to do during the
course of the day, it doesn't matter what
other people think.
What you're ending, what you're really doing,
is being a leader and showing by example that
you matter too and you matter in your work.
So it's reframing it, recognize it, check
that motivation, have the courage to share
that you are taking care of yourself because
you'll be the leader at the forefront in whatever
your organization is, to letting other people
begin to do that for themselves.
And just think, you know, we shared all the
comments of our 'why' word and, I don't know
about you, but the essence of all of that
felt amazing in this space.
If we all collectively begin to bring that
into our not-for-profit organizations, just
think of what that's going to do to the morale.
That would be my response.
I think it was a little long.
[laughs]
>> ROBYN: No.
No, this is great.
I'm sitting here listening and I'm just thinking,
all these tips for myself as well.
Another one.
Let's see another one came in.
How do you manage the time to feel worthy
to incorporate self-care time?
>> BETH: How do you manage to take the time?
Well it starts with time.
And that starts with, it starts with knowing
that you matter.
It goes back to finding out the who you want
to be, what you want to do, and what you want
to have, and finding that essence of who you
are.
Oops, I'm dropping my glasses.
You know, yeah.
This is what I believe.
It's like, who do I need to be in the world
in order to do what I'm meant to do?
And so if I think about who I need to be,
part of that is knowing that I have a voice
and my voice matters and I'm worthy to do
the thing that I'm passionate about.
So it's all connected.
You are the you that's in the organization
that you work for, and what you care about
matters to that organization, to that cause,
and that's where that worthiness begins.
>> ROBYN: One person who wrote in said mine
started with taking time to make a cup of
tea, literally, and grew from there.
>> BETH: Beautiful!
Yeah.
Oh, I am a huge believer in rituals.
It's like when I get up in the morning, I
actually get up half an hour earlier so that
I can have my cup of coffee.
I sit in silence.
I listen to the birds.
I watch the daybreak and I have cuddles with
my cat.
And I don't look at my phone.
And it really is just the time to just listen
to Nature.
I get to look at the ocean, which I love and
so I get to, you know, be in the ocean or
like, you know, see that, and I really let
that be how I set the day, and it's a ritual.
You know, so I invite you to you know, create
the rituals, like whoever it was that said
shared their started with a cup of tea.
>> ROBYN: And it really puts things into perspective
about starting.
It doesn't have to be, you know, a huge, you
know, thing that you need to start doing or
a huge amount of time but it's interesting
that it was just that, taking that little
bit of time and it was as simple as a cup
of tea and how as that person said it just
grew from there.
>> BETH: Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I just, like my phone just kind of went
off and it was like, oh my goodness.
It's like 2:56.
Well, I'm in Halifax.
And before we leave there's one more thing
I have for you and it's an assignment.
Actually.
It's a mission, should you choose to accept
it.
I love those movies.
I want you to write your own manifesto.
What are the deal breakers you want for your
life and your well-being?
How do you want to feel?
So you can see my website address here, I
invite you to go to my website, download my
manifesto and use it as a guide to create
your own.
You can make it whatever you want.
If you want to use canva and get creative
have fun at it but it's like make that manifesto
that thing.
Mine sits beside my desk.
I actually have one in the kitchen too because
it's like, it's the thing to remind me, who
I am and what I stand for in my life.
And it's the thing I go to when I'm not feeling
so great, it's the thing I go to when I start
to beat myself up.
And so I invite each of you to do that for
yourself.
And when you're done send it to me, I would
love to celebrate it with you and share in
the manifesto that you create.
And I, with that are there any other questions?
>> ROBYN: Well, I know we're coming up on
time here and I think we had so many comments
flooding in , Beth, to just thank you for
such a wonderful presentation.
It has been amazing and I want to also say
thank you to our audience.
You all made my job at moderating and having
these questions, made it a lot easier with
your participation.
So I really appreciate that, and Beth this
just has been such a helpful discussion about
self-care.
So again, I just want to thank you for taking
the time to do this for us.
>> BETH: Oh, thank you.
It's been so much fun.
>> ROBYN: Wonderful.
So I just want to remind everyone that we
will follow up with you via email this afternoon
or tomorrow morning with the webinar recording
and the slide deck.
There will also be a short survey that will
take about 5 minutes or less to fill out and
we would really appreciate it if you could
do that for us.
You'll have the opportunity there to let us
know if there are any topics you'd like to
see covered in a future session and we'll
also be able to, or I'll make sure, or Marina
will make sure that we'll share any feedback
that you give with Beth.
We'll be taking a little break from webinars
for the rest of the summer, but we will be
back this fall with a new lineup of sessions.
In fact, we have already announced some on
our website and you'll get a link to those
in the email we send out with the recording
in case you'd like to sign up for those right
away.
So on that note, I wish you all a wonderful
rest of the summer.
We look forward to seeing you at future webinars
this fall and have a great rest of the day.
Take care.
>> BETH: And take care of you.
Sorry, I had to put that in there!
>> ROBYN: You know, that was perfect.
What a lovely way to end the self-care webinar,
you take care of you.
>> BETH: Yeah.
Thank you, RobYn, and thank you Everyone.
Bye!
>> ROBYN: Bye!
