(electronic fanfare)
- I'm Kelsey Impicciche
and welcome to Buzzfeed
Multiplayer's The Dungeon Club!
It's a live roleplaying show
that follows three regular
teenagers played by adults
who accidentally end up on
a quest in a fantasy realm.
If you are new to live roleplaying,
it's essentially a game where
our DM, or dungeon master,
leads the players through a
story where we improvise scenes
and work together in real
time to solve problems.
None of us know where
the story's going next
except, of course, our DM.
At times we will let the
DM know what we want to do
and he will tell us if we succeed or fail
based off of dice rolls.
- Hello, everybody, my
name is Mitch Van Bree,
I am the front man of a
band called Twin Chameleon
and all my handles are Twin Chameleon.
- It's your boy, Ify Nwadiwe,
and I'm playing, Daniel Wolf Percy.
he's a fan of D&D, he's
a D&D guy, he plays
so he's no stranger.
- Hello, everybody, I'm Jenny Lorenzo
and I always say hello in
the most bizarre of ways,
I sounds just like my
mother, doubt she's watching,
but I love you, mom.
I play Artemia Gomez
and I'm Cuban American
and I play a bunch of
characters on the internet.
The main one that people know me for
is playing a Cuban grandma,
and she has no name,
Her name is just Abuela which
means grandma in Spanish
and yeah, that's my little fun fact,
I should have maybe brought
this up many episodes ago,
but here we are.
- And I of course am Kelsey Impicciche,
I play Heather Banks
our theater nerd bard.
Fairly fun fact about Heather
is that Heather is bi,
she had a crush on Darla, actually,
who is Daniel's girlfriend, but had,
because her heart was completely
broken in episode one.
We got it back to a sad fact,
her heart was completely
broken in episode one.
Every episode, we invite
a new guest player
to join our campaign and today's guest
is the incredible Krystina Arielle,
an actor, host and TTRPG streamer
best known for Sirens of the Realms,
Critical Role Honey Heist,
and the upcoming Pirates of Leviathan
on Dropout's Dimension 20.
She's an avid activist for
inclusion and diversity
and our guests today, so welcome!
- Woo!
- Hi, you were like the incredible,
and I was waiting for you to be like,
the incredible edible egg, and
I was gonna just go with it.
I was really excited about it.
- When you said incredible I thought Hulk.
(laughing)
- I am not an egg, I am
Krystina Arielle, hi.
I don't know if I'm just say
words and stuff and things,
but I do stuff on the internet
and I hang out on the internet.
It could be three o'clock in
the morning and you'll be like,
hey, everyone in the
world's asleep, not me.
Let's hang out, come talk.
- Actually, about half the
world would be wide awake.
- Mitch is a Ravenclaw.
- That's actual and that's factual.
I'm going to be playing Ramona LaBelle
and I am super excited to see
what is supposed to happen
because that's the joy of this
is I have no idea what I'm gonna do
or what's gonna happen, thanks having me.
- Ramona is an avid hiker.
She was actually scaling
a volcano with her skills.
And she's just a very
interesting character.
She is a little, ditzy is polite,
but yeah, ditzy, she's fun.
I don't even know who she
is, let's figure it out.
(laughing)
- The joy of new characters.
- So for you who are
watching live on Twitch,
we have audience interaction
that you can help impact the game live.
We have voting on specific
location names or NPC names
or whatever prompts, kind of like improv,
so you guys will vote
on what the thing is,
be it a name or a location,
or just like an idea
and then our DM Mitch will
throw it in this story
and you'll see kind of
what your choices affect
the world around us.
You can also give bits for inspiration.
If you collectively give
1000 bits for any of these characters,
that person earns inspiration,
which essentially means
that you can roll twice
and take the best of two rolls,
we get a do over, essentially.
If you want to talk about
anything related to the show
or make any fan art and want us to see it,
make sure to keep using that
hashtag, #TheDungeonClub.
All fan art that is submitted every week,
will be having a chance to
be in our fan art display.
Please continue sending fan
art our way, we love to see it
and we love interacting
with you guys online
so keep it using the
hashtag, #TheDungeonClub.
And I'm gonna toss it over to Mitch
to tell us what happened last time.
- Let's recap.
Last time, a lot happened.
Wolf returned from his stint with Emyth
after eating some poison berries.
And he caught back up with the group,
but they were promptly ambushed by bandits
who they easily dispatched,
but not before Wolf's unbreakable
power object blade broke.
And Artemia learned through
the use of her power object,
the lens, that Wolf wasn't
really being true to himself
and therefore his power object
was not as strong as it could be.
So they had a very intense heart to heart
and Wolf, or Daniel as he now goes by
and I'm sure we'll try to call him,
has embraced his nerdy side
and has multi-class into a
wizard as well as a fighter.
They went to the town of Elmore
where all music and
dancing had been banned.
They met Anne, a local bard
and performed some music
and saved the town from a
devil who had manipulated them.
They defeated him in a lute battle
and Heather got her power object,
which was a six string magical lute.
So now that they have
all the power objects
they are going to set off on
their journey to return home.
But Emyth has some news for them.
So with that, let's hop into
episode five, back to the 80s.
♪ Welcome to the Dungeon Club ♪
- Emyth looks nervously at you, he goes,
I haven't been completely honest with you.
You aren't from 1980s
Earth, you're from here!
This is your true home.
100 years ago, you were
the greatest champions
this realm had ever seen.
You had your power objects,
the very ones you have now,
and you were a team.
You brought peace and
unity to these lands,
but then you fell in a fierce
battle to the powerful Kenner.
Your power objects were
scattered across the land
and Kenner imprisoned you.
But rather than killing you,
he took delight in creating a demi plane,
a false reality that was
designed to seem normal,
but what's wrong with suffering,
angst, and unfairness.
And most importantly, he created a place
where your differences
would drive you apart
rather than bring you together.
He found it so amusing to
have you close to one another
yet, have no idea of the power
you once wielded together.
But then in an attempt to
save you, my master, Mattel,
he entered into your prison realm
and posed as what you
would call a janitor.
He was supposed to get you and come back
but for some reason
you came and he didn't.
You need to go back to the 80s
using the portal inside Mount Gravis,
find Mattel and figure out
how to stop this bleeding
of the 80s into our world.
I think based on what you told me,
he opened a rift to get you
here and it's still open.
Does that all make sense?
- That's real heavy, dog.
- No, it doesn't.
- I know, I'm sorry I
didn't tell you right away,
but you weren't ready, you
wouldn't have believed me.
But I hope now you can see the truth.
- Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
- I have a mom and a dad and a dog.
- No, it's true, it's true,
he made it to punish you, think about it.
Have you ever, when you were in the 80s
did you ever give a
speech in your underwear
or I don't know, forget every line
to a theater performance you were in
or have frog legs for hands
or only you get blamed for a fight
lots of people were in, things like that?
- Okay, I definitely remember
that last part, yeah.
- I mean, not the frog part.
- There was no reason
that I should've only
been blamed for that.
- I mean, yeah I guess it was kinda weird.
- Artemia, your lens, your
lens, only you can use that.
- Oh.
- Anyone else who touches that goes mad.
How do you explain that?
- Well, I kind of honestly can't explain
any of the things that we've been through.
You're saying I'm like
from here, where's my--
- You're speechless, I understand.
- Yeah, this is just a lot to take in
because, you know, look,
I remember my dad, my mom,
you know, when I was 12, I
accidentally stuck a Bobby pin
in the electrical sockets
just to see the sparks.
You know, how did he add all that?
- Oh, Daniel.
- What?
- I mean, I feel like it makes sense
because I always thought that
I belonged to another world
and I could never really explain
my existence where I was.
And so this actually makes
a lot of sense for me.
I kind of feel bad for
the rest of you but.
- At least you see the truth.
- I mean, it still doesn't make any sense.
I don't remember any of it.
But you said that none of us remember,
so it is what it is.
- Look, I understand it's shocking
and I knew you might not take it well.
I mean, Heather stormed out of the room
so she might need some consoling later
but go see for yourselves.
Mattel is still there,
the rift is still open.
So go back, see for
yourselves that it's true.
Close the rift and come back with Mattel
so that we can return you
to the great champions you once were.
- Okay.
- All right.
- We will go do that.
'Cause it's the only thing
we can do, all right.
- All right, so he leads you
outside back to your horses
and you mount your horses kind of quietly
and you begin to ride
off toward Mount Gravis,
the volcano that looms over this area
that you can even see from his house.
It's got lava flowing down
from the top, it billows smoke.
And you begin riding,
Heather is very quiet
and not really in the mood
to talk at the moment,
but you know, maybe eventually
she'll open up again.
As as you approach you ride about an hour
and the volcano looms
larger and larger over you.
And you begin to head up a mountain path
that switchbacks up the volcano
and winds its way around.
And eventually the road comes up
and dead ends into a cliff face,
the road just goes right into the cliff.
The path doesn't continue,
there's no door or anything like that.
- So you're saying there's
no door, there's no path,
it's just a dead end.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- What do we do?
What do we do?
- Well, there has to be
a door here somewhere.
There's probably some kind
of hidden switch or button
or rock that we need to, I don't know,
touch a certain number
of times or a password.
- Do you want to roll investigation?
- Sure thing.
- Eight.
- Eight.
You look around, but you don't
see anything in particular.
It just seems kind of, you know,
you search some nearby brush.
You kick some rocks around on the ground
looking for like a pressure plate
or something on the ground
but you don't find anything.
- All right, hold on, Artemia.
- Heather rejoins the company.
Okay, guys, I stopped
freaking out, um, what's up.
- Yeah, you were kind of just moving
with your face and stasis that whole time
just in complete shock.
It was real weird, but I
want to give you your space.
- You know, I've heard
it's called being catatonic
and it can help in extreme situations.
I've had it before, I'll probably maybe,
hopefully I won't have it again.
So what's going on, what's new, what's up?
- I'm about to check the
area, and make it safe.
- You've ridden your horses up the side
of Mount Gravis, the volcano,
and the road just dead
ends into a cliff face.
- Yep, and there's no door,
there is no path boats.
- There's people that are
asking to see our die,
they're real curious.
And then also I learned
how to turn on the autofocus on my camera.
- Well my focus sucks.
- Oh, exciting.
- I apologize, and for
my lack of, you know.
- That's all good, I rolled a dirty 20,
a dirty 20 for that investigation check
- Cool, Wolf, you walk
up to the cliff face
and you start, you
notice it's kind of caked
in like rubble and dust
and you start wiping away
and you realize as you wipe
away there is an inscription
that says, it's dangerous to go alone.
And you also have, there are three runes.
That's the inscription.
- Wow.
That's really weird.
- And there are three runes,
each of them, 10 feet apart.
And you notice when you were wiping
each time your hand passed over the rune
it would faintly light up a little bit.
- Hmm.
- Should we just read it aloud?
- Yeah, I think that's the only way.
Are we showing our dice bags too?
- Oh, I showed mine 'cause it says,
it's dangerous to go alone on it.
- Mine matches my outfit and my soul.
- Oh, that's a cool dice bag.
- That's a cool one!
I like that.
- Person that doesn't exist yet.
(laughing)
- Sorry, to recap there's
an inscription above
that says, it's dangerous to go alone,
and then beneath 10 feet apart
on the wall are three runes.
- Well, Kelsey knows what,
like the next part of that saying is
but I don't think Heather
plays video games.
So, from Kelsey to the others,
whoever feels like they've
played this video game
normally the rest of that
goes, here take this,
and there's like a thing to take.
It's dangerous to go alone, take this.
Yeah.
And it's like, weapons.
But Heather does not know that.
- Yes.
- I don't know if you
heard me when I told you
but when you were wiping off
every time your hand would make contact
with one of the runes would light up.
- Yeah.
Buckle up, Mitch.
- Oh.
- I hold tight onto my grimoire
and I stare at the rune.
- Okay.
- It's confusing but I
continue to stare really hard
and I think on the words
that were just spoken to me,
that I am of this world,
I'm not a teen from the 80s.
And I almost start to drift,
forgetting where I am as I focus on this,
and I try to see and rack my
brain as hard as I possibly can
to see if this rune is
familiar in any way,
whether it be from fleeting memory
or playing D&D at the
table back in the 80s.
- Go ahead and roll Arcana.
- All right, I always
like using different D20s
so I'm switching to this
metal boy right here.
- Ooh, that's cool.
- Yeah, you know, just for the chat.
You know, y'all ask and
I try and if, you know.
- He's here for you.
- See, that's why I don't roll this one.
That's gonna be a 10. (laughs)
- Put that one back away.
- Yeah, this heavy boy.
- Banished.
- Dice jail.
- Yeah, you're not positive,
but you think that it signifies
something to do with touch.
- Heather goes up and touches the words
'cause she saw them
light up, and she just--
- No, the runes light up, not the words.
- Oh, the runes.
There's runes too.
- And then there's rune, rune, rune,
and each one's 10 feet apart.
- There's three.
- Yeah.
- Heather touches a rune and
just looks at the other two
and is like, touch the runes!
Touch the runes, there's three of us.
- I will go touch the runes.
- Lights up as well.
Daniel.
- And I take a deep breath,
stare at the rune, close my eyes,
and press my fingers, then
my palm until my hand,
the warmth of my hand is against the rune.
- It lights up.
(Legend of Zelda fanfare)
- Kelsey's excited.
Heather does not know what sound is.
- The ground begins
rumble and the cliff face
fissures up the side and begins to part.
And it reveals a narrow stone
walkway over a pit of lava.
There are lava falls all along the side
and this bridge just leads straight across
into a large cavern, deep in
the depths of the volcano.
- I get it now, 'cause it was like,
dangerous to go alone, but
there's like three of us.
So we couldn't have gone
unless there were three of us.
(laughing)
- Yep, that is true.
- That makes sense.
- I'm still worried about
the danger part of that.
I think the danger is still--
- It's kinda hot.
- I'm still worried about the part
where he says that we're not from,
like that all of our lives
is fake and nothing's real.
- Well, it's not that it's fake,
it's that the life we
thought we had is fake
and we don't remember our past life.
- So everything's, okay,
I'll just, you know what?
I'll just shove that way down deep inside
and deal with that
later, let's go forward.
Heather just starts walking into it
with her little cherry guitar on her back,
just bopping in her potato sack.
This is how I deal with
all of my pain and trauma.
- Denial, let's just go,
let's just go forward.
- You cross the bridge
and you begin to sweat
as just the lava
everywhere radiates around.
It's this just steamy, humid, hot cavern.
You crossed the bridge
and you enter a cavernous circular room
and in the middle, there
is a large magma pool
with chunks of blackened
rock floating throughout.
The magma begins to bubble
and slowly six of the black clumps rise up
and take the shape of small humanoids
with sharp teeth and claws.
Their exterior is hardened igneous shell
and you can see cracks in their body
where glowing molten rock flows within.
They glare at you silently
with toothy, fiery grins.
And I need you to roll initiative.
- Oh my.
- Well, to roll initiative
look inside my fiery heart.
- 18.
- 18.
- Take my fiery red die.
With this die.
(speaking in foreign language)
- Which means 16.
- Whatever.
- What did you get, Daniel?
- Yeah, 13.
Oh no, 15.
- All right.
So Heather kind of running
towards you on top of the lava
are six of these like little kind of
magma demon looking creatures.
What do you want to do?
- Well, I don't think she is as empathetic
to magma creatures and
she's also wigging out hard
so I think she's going to go like berserk
and like let out all of her fears
and frightened like just energy on this
and she's magically going to manifest
a shimmering green acid arrow
because this is all of
the deep, dark, bad crap
that she's like pushing down in a form
and she's just gonna throw it
towards one of the magma monsters.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Go ahead and roll to hit.
- Yep.
What do I roll?
Okay, roll to hit,
there it is, I found it.
That is a 25.
- Woo!
Roll damage.
- Yes I shall.
Oh my goodness, that's a 13.
- A 13, all right.
- Hulked out Heather is my everything.
- You're acid arrow flies at this,
they're called Magmins by the way.
It flies at this little
Magmin and as it hits
it explodes with an
acid splash from within
and the creature just kind
of explodes into liquid magma
and settles back into the pool.
- Not today, she says.
- Artemia, it's your turn, what do you do?
- Do these fun little creatures
that reminded me of my cousins,
do they continue to spawn continually?
- There's now five.
It doesn't seem so far like any spawn.
- And are any of them trying
to attack me directly?
- They're all kind of charging at you
from the middle of this lava pool.
So they're still making their way.
So you don't know who
they're going for quite yet.
- Absolutely delicious.
Okay, so I'm going to just try to
break their little multi hot
bodies with my short sword.
- Okay.
So you can actually walk
up to the edge of the lava
and make an attack.
- Okay.
- So go ahead and roll to hit.
- 12.
- A 12 does not hit, your
blade actually makes contact
but it kind of just gets
like absorbed by the molten
and you yank it back out
and like fling off the lava
before it melts your sword.
- Okay, as long as my sword is okay.
- Up next we have the Magmins,
two of them charge straight
at Daniel and they run up
and they just kind of are
out stretching their hands.
And all they're trying
to do it seems, Wolf,
is to get their hands,
their magma hands on you.
Oh, that's a crit fail.
And a 15 doesn't hit you, right?
- No, 15 does not hit this body.
- All right, as they charge at you
you pull back into your
wide receiver skills
and you you fake one way,
you look left and your body goes right.
You juke 'em out and you
draw your blade and shield
and prepare to attack.
- Ah, yes.
- One Magmin is going to
head for you, Heather.
Another crit fail.
- These Magmin just don't know what him.
- Yeah, he's a little uncoordinated,
kind of just glooping magma
and you easily just sidestep them.
And then our Artemia does
a 16 hit your armor class?
- Yeah, I have the 15 AC.
- All right.
So two Magmins run up to
you, you sides up the first
and then the second one
puts his hands right on you
and you can feel just this
flame, this burns sear your body.
And you take seven damage
and your clothes alight
and you are now on fire.
(gasps)
Daniel, you're up.
- So you want to light me
and my friends on fire, huh?
Well, let me strike you down real quick.
And I'll cast magic missile.
- Okay.
And that, how many do
you get, three or four?
I forgot how many, what
are you casting at?
- I'm casting at I think,
let me see, hold on.
Ah, there it is, ha ha.
All right.
Okay.
Okay, yeah, it's a one per
spell, three, let me see.
- I believe it's three.
- Yeah, it's three
darts and then you cast,
you cast a one more dart
for each spell slot above the first.
So I'll do four darts.
- All right, four darts.
Go ahead and, it
automatically hits, I forgot.
Do you roll damage or is it a
set damage with magic missile?
- Yeah, I roll damage, one D4 plus one.
- Perfect.
- And which four are you hitting?
Two on you, two on
Artemia, one on heather.
- I'll cast them for the two
on me and the two on Artemia.
- Okay, perfect, go ahead and roll damage.
- That is gonna be four damage.
- All right, your magic missiles.
like heat seeking missiles,
fly and hit these four Magmins
and you see chunks of molten
rock fly off of their bodies,
leaving little holes that seal
back up with flowing magma.
But they are now just a little bit smaller
having removed part of their body.
And we go back to Heather.
- Would you describe
Jenny's current predicament
as being about the size
of a small campfire?
In terms of fire.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, what?
- Can I use Precipitation on
Jenny and snuff out the fire?
'Cause she's on fire, right, still?
- She is.
- Yep, I am.
- I have an ability to
snuff out a small campfire,
how much fires is on her?
- She's just on fire, so you can do that.
- I snuff out the fire on
Jenny with my Precipitation.
I'm saying it very wrong.
- As the flames start to climb up,
the flames are starting
to climb up your clothing,
but then suddenly they, poof,
blow go out like a candle.
And you just have the slight singeing.
- And that's a cantrip
so that doesn't count as my thing, right?
- Can you cast it as a bonus action?
- Yes.
- I don't think you get, I
think that it's still a spell.
- Casting time, one action.
- Yeah, so that was your turn.
- Okay.
- I assume you don't want to move.
You're within melee range
so there would be an attack opportunity
so you probably don't.
- Oh, so I can't hide now.
Okay, no, bonus action.
No one has taken damage yet, right?
- Artemia has.
- Oh, okay.
I'll cast Healing Word on Artemia.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- How much health?
- I'm looking that up.
- You guys all have inspiration
by the way, just a reminder.
- Oh, sick.
- Thank you.
- I did need that reminder,
all right, Healing Word,
or not Healing word, wait,
no, it was Healing Word.
Healing Word's a bonus action, right?
Yes, okay.
Cast Healing Word, I will roll it.
And it is
nine, you get nine healed.
I turn off the flame and then I go,
the healing word today is, you're amazing.
That's the healing word and it heals you.
- Artemia, it's your turn, what do you do?
- Can I use bonus action, Disengage?
And then who is being
attacked the most currently?
Is it Daniel or is it Heather?
- You and Daniel each have two,
so Daniel is the most attacked right now.
- Okay, so I'm disengaging
and I'm sneak attacking one
of the little demon children.
Okay, I got 13.
- 13 Does not hit, did you
roll with advantage though?
- I did not.
- Okay, so roll again.
- I got 15.
- That hits, go ahead
and roll your damage.
- Yay.
- Eight.
- Eight damage, all right.
So you run behind one of the Magmins
and you stab your sword through its back
and it kind of lets out like a cry
and smoke comes out of its mouth
and it kind of rumbles and then explodes
in a splash of magma and
I need both you and Daniel
to make a Dexterity saving throw.
- 23.
- Daniel, Dexterity saving throw.
- Oh, sure.
- I'm trying to choose which dice.
I'm gonna go with the one that
says dough if I get a one.
Dough. (laughs)
- Did you get dough?
- I most certainly got dough.
- You brought that on yourself, man?
- I most certainly just
rolled this stupidity.
- All right, Daniel, well
you are splashed with magma
and take eight damage.
Artemia, you kind of dive out of the way
and it just catches your leg a little bit
so you only take four damage.
But you have dispatched another Magmin.
- So there's now only four left?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- And then there were four.
- Oh, I sure did have an
inspiration, but it's all good.
I'm saving it for when it counts.
I'm not gonna waste 'em on
a little magma little baby.
- Heather, how much damage did I take any?
- Eight.
- Heather, the Magmin is still on you
reaches up and touches you
dealing only two damage.
He just manages to touch your clothes,
but your clothes do alight
so you are now on fire.
- I use my thaumaturge
to turn it back off.
- Not yet, you don't.
- Not yet.
- Artemia, one runs up to
you and puts his hands on you
dealing seven damage and
lighting you on fire as well.
- Can we not?
- And then Wolf, for you
you've got your shield out
and you're just like shield
bashing away these Magmins.
They're (growls) trying to touch you,
you're rejecting them with
your shield and sword.
We go to Daniel, you're up.
You got two friends on fire
and you're surrounded by Magmins.
- Help us.
- My friends are on fire.
There's Magmins, okay, let me see.
Well, spell wise, really can't do much
so I think I need to
start slashing through
some of these little dorks.
So I'm going to go ahead
and slice at one of the magma
babies babies with my blade.
- Okay.
- All right, so that is going
to be a 17, does that hit?
- That hits, yup.
Go ahead and roll damage.
- You know it, okay,
let me get my baby D8s.
I have one right here,
why am I playing games?
Five damage.
- Five damage.
You stab your sword right
through the mouth of a Magmin
into it's kind of fiery inside.
And as you do, it goes limp
and its whole body just
melts off of your sword,
before kind of exploding
in a ball of magma
so make another Dex saving throw.
As well as you, Artemia,
'cause you're within five.
- I'm not gonna use the
dough dice, you're in jail.
Let me see.
Let's go with the black and
gold, what'd you got for me?
- I got 17.
- Okay, you succeed.
- I got eight.
- You do not succeed,
so you take another--
- You're in jail too.
- You take six damage.
But only three for you, Artemia,
as you've seemed to learn
that these guys explode when they die
and Daniel is a little carried
away with his sword swinging.
All right, there are three
remaining, Heather, you're up,
what do you want to do?
- As a bonus action can
I stop, drop, and roll?
- Yeah, you take an action to put it out.
- It would take a full action?
- Oh, it would take an
action to put it out, yes.
- All right, I'm gonna just
acid arrow one of 'em again.
She's gonna be like fire, what fire?
And she's going to
manifest her anger again
and throw it in all of its acidity glory
at one of the Magmin
and that would be a 21.
- Are you doing the one near you
or the two near Daniel?
- I'll do whatever is,
well, I'll one that's
progress closer to me
because I don't want it to
explode onto Daniel again.
- Okay, roll to hit.
- All right, oh, I did
roll the hit, it was 21.
- Oh, okay, sorry, roll damage I mean.
- Oh yes, the damage, what's the damage?
It's 14.
- Oh, all right.
So you take six damage from
being on fire, by the way.
And then I need you to
make a Dex saving throw,
as once again like the first
arrow it lodges in and explodes
in this acid magma cocktail.
- Okay, okay.
Am I gonna make a dexterity saving throw?
This dexterity saving throw
is gonna be just very good.
And that is 17.
- All right, you succeed.
Ooh, it's still not good
though, you take six damage.
- Ah!
She does like something flashy,
like she tries to do some
kind of like cool dance move
where she like spins
but then she kind of
spins into some of it.
(laughing)
- It be your own dance moves.
All right, Artemia, you're up.
There's only two left and
they're on you and Daniel.
- and I'm still on fire, aren't I?
- Yes.
- Great.
Love it for me.
- You can use an action to put it out.
- Can't really do much
if I'm on fire, right?
I mean, you know.
Turning into a freaking--
- Don't worry.
- Yeah, don't worry while I'm
on fire and turning into--
- Get yourself off fire, I have an idea.
- I feel like right now a
(speaking in foreign language),
this is terrible.
Okay, so I'm gonna put it
out, just put out the fire.
- All right, you stop, drop,
and roll, put out the flames.
And then the two remaining
Magmins they turn and they flee
and they run back into the
center of the magma pool
and they begin to sink in
and their eyes glare at you
as they return to the lava.
- Yeah, you better run.
- Oh, I wanted to charm
one of 'em, make it a pet.
All right, I'll see ya.
- Okay, Daniel.
- Next Magmin we run into, Daniel,
you can charm and make a pet.
- Yeah, I'm looking for some pets.
My dad wouldn't let me get a cat.
- We'll get you a pet.
- Okay, Well that was something.
Smells like a barbecue up in here.
- Since we're out of there
can I heal everybody?
- Yes, you can if you'd like.
- Okay.
- Heal me.
- I cast Healing Word
on Artemia and Daniel.
So healing word for
Artemia is 15, for Artemia.
And that's 11 for Daniel.
- Cool, so you heal them up.
Oh, go ahead, I don't wanna.
- No, I ran out of slots
I think so, wait, no,
I can still do it again for me.
Just burning all my slots right now.
She's gonna probably like
take a nap in a minute.
and I'm healing myself 11.
I guess it's kind of
pointless then to heal
and then assume I'll take
a nap, but here we are.
Cool.
- Okay, so you heal up and
you enter the next room
which opens up into a
gargantuan cavernous space,
hundreds of feet tall and wide
with many lava falls and narrow pathways,
all teeming with monsters,
leading up to a central
platform high above.
You can tell it's gonna be a very long,
treacherous journey to the top.
You then begin to sense the 80s
is melding into the story structure
and my storytelling begins to get lazy.
It's time for a montage!
- Yeah!
- My favorite.
- Do montage-y stuff.
♪ Epic heroes soldier on ♪
♪ Fightin' lots of monsters ♪
♪ Look how mighty they've become ♪
♪ Spells fly in all directions ♪
♪ And distract for a sneak attack ♪
♪ If you ever need some heroes ♪
♪ These three have got your back ♪
♪ They're strong now ♪
♪ Oh so mighty ♪
♪ Fights take too long ♪
♪ So just trust me ♪
♪ Tip toe across ledges ♪
♪ Over bubbling lava pits ♪
♪ Punchin' fire elementals ♪
♪ Even though it doesn't work like that ♪
♪ Doesn't work like that ♪
♪ They're strong now, oh so strong ♪
♪ Oh so mighty, mighty mighty ♪
♪ Fights take take too
long, way too long ♪
♪ So just trust me, turn based combat ♪
♪ Trust me, oh, trust me ♪
♪ Strong now ♪
- During that montage, could Heather sleep
and take a short rest?
- No.
(laughing)
Tired and sweaty, you finally
arrive at the central platform
and there in the center is a huge doorway
with swirling, pink
light filling the frame.
It's the portal.
And then a few feet from it
you also notice the remnants
of a one person camp
and boot prints in the dirt
that lead up to the portal.
- Someone went through the portal?
I think someone's in the
80s that shouldn't be there.
- Well, I think we have to go in there?
- Yep, yeah, you got it right.
- Well, yeah, I mean we
have to go save the janitor.
Can I inspect the campsite
just to see if it was
the janitors campsite
or if it was someone else additional?
- Yeah, go ahead and roll a investigation.
- Okie dokie, investigation.
It's the Heather investigatory show, 14.
- 14, you look at it, it
seems that the boot prints
as well as kind of the
remnants of the camp
are fairly recent.
- Recent.
There's someone else out there.
All right, well, I guess
we should just go, right?
Let's go, back to the 80s.
- Yeah.
- Back to the 80s.
- Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Should be the title of
a film maybe, or similar.
- I look back towards K.I.T.T. and I say,
where we're going, we don't need horses.
And I step through.
- I look back at my My
Little Pony and I go,
where I'm going I definitely
would need a horse
but I think you're a better here.
and I really appreciate you
and all of the work that you put through.
Okay, I love you, bye, and
she like skips through.
- I guess I have to do the same.
I turn to Pongo and I say,
where I'm going there's
gonna be a dope Disney film
with a character named after you.
That's it, that's all I have.
- I should have cast speak to animals
and made you speak to me again.
Oh well.
- Out of spells.
You step into this portal.
And as soon as you stepped
through the threshold
you find yourselves floating.
In every direction you
can see the astral plane
and faint music seems to be coming
from nowhere in particular as you float
past endless celestial bodies.
You feel relaxed and rejuvenated
and your wounds and burns heal completely.
And, Heather, your spell
slots are restored.
As you float your power
objects liquefy and morph,
the spell book into
your basic coding book.
The lens into your camera
and your lute into your dad's guitar
he keeps in the basement.
It also is now within a gig bag
so you can carry it on your shoulders
without having a random guitar
in your hand at all times.
And just as a reminder from last episode,
you're already in the 80s clothing
from when the song transformed everything.
Eventually you feel
yourselves being set down
and then a blink, you're in the backseat
of a red Ferrari 250 GT
California convertible
in the middle of a parade
in downtown Chicago.
(lively music)
- Is this a Ferris Bueller reference?
- The driver turns around and he goes,
oh, not again, get out, get out!
- In the middle of a parade
just jump out of this car?
- Where am I supposed to go, dude?
- I don't care, get out.
What's with people just hoppin' in my car?
- Wait, did someone hop in your car?
what did they look like,
what were they like?
- I don't know, probably part
of a He-Man float or something,
she was dressed all weird.
Now get out of my car!
- Okay, ope, sure.
- Okay, getting out.
I get out of the car
because this is awkward.
- Heather does like a fun,
little like flip out of the car.
- As you hop out of the car
you notice a dusty boot
print on the trunk.
- Is it going out or in?
- It's going back, like
back further in the parade.
- Well, I'm gonna follow those prints.
- Yeah, It looks like
whoever got out of the car
and the portal probably went this way
so let's start looking for someone
that doesn't fit into the 80s.
- All right, well as
you say that you look up
and on the Ninja Turtles float behind you,
you see a woman in adventurers clothing.
She looks confused and panicked
and there are teenage parade
volunteers in yellow polos
yelling up at her and they're gonna,
get off of there, get off of there!
Stop in the name of the high thingy do!
Get off of that.
She doesn't listen to them
and she seems confused and panicked.
(shouting)
- Oh, uh oh.
- Oh, I think we found her.
- She's definitely not from
the 80s, it is apparent.
- Who's creature is this?
- I run up to the front
of the float and I'm like,
hey, hey, we're from--
- As you approach she looks at you
and then bolts off further down.
She starts chasing and
hopping up on other floats.
Roll initiative.
- All right, I got A seven.
- 17.
- My good rolls had to
run out at some point.
(light rock music)
- 15.
- Who got 15?
- Wait, this sounds oddly like
the song in Ferris Bueller.
- Daniel?
- I got a nine.
You're goin' to jail.
(light rock music)
- All right, so she hops off of the float
and begins running back
further through the parade.
Artemia, you are first.
As you all are hopping up
onto the Ninja Turtles floats
the Ninja Turtles in
costume with their weapons
all kind of turning and
mock like to fight you,
what do you do?
- Oh, no.
- Oh.
Not Donatello and Michaelangelo and Leo.
What do I do, well the
weapons they're carrying
are not real so they do not
pose a threat to me per se, but.
- Can I like jump ahead
and cast something?
- I want to be able to dodge them?
- Yeah, so roll a Dexterity.
- For me or Heather?
- You.
- Ah, rolling Dexterity.
22.
- All right, so you actually,
you run and you slide
right between Raphael's
legs, straight under
and you continue chasing this
interloper through the floats.
- I'm like, cowabunga, and I keep going.
- Ramona, you are up.
You're now running
and you're climbing up
onto a Transformers float
with a bunch of, they're not humans,
they're just like kind of
transformer statues or builds.
Can you make a Dex save for me?
- That is a dirty 20.
- Dirty 20, all right.
As you are running through the float
with their guns, the
transformers, boom, boom, boom,
shoot off confetti cannons
and you manage to dive your way forward
and avoid getting blasted
with these huge streams of
confetti and continue to dash.
Daniel, you're up,
you've got these Ninja
Turtles in the way, man,
what are you doing?
- I'm going to just hit
one with an unarmed strike
with a karate chop, hiya.
- Okay, go ahead.
- And I rolled a 24 to hit.
- Okay, how hard are you hittin', man?
What's your unarmed?
- I'm just trying to do like a, huh?
- Go ahead.
- Apparently it does just
a flat five bludgeoning
but I'm just trying to do like a mock hit,
like just like a, boom,
like as if I'm playing along
but enough to knock them on their butt.
- Okay, cool, five would kill
a person, a regular person,
so you gotta mock, you just knock 'em
and jokingly the Ninja Turtle
he, you know, falls down
and you just hop over
him and continue running.
Heather, what are you gonna do?
- I think I'm gonna try
to like do a performance
where I look like April O'Neil
and she's gonna be like,
you Ninja Turtles, always
getting into trouble
when the real danger's out
there, like, let me through!
And she's gonna try to like
perform her way through.
(laughs)
- Okay, roll performance.
- Thank you, all right.
That's a 23. (laughs)
- All right, all the
Ninja Turtles in costume,
they grab their heads and go,
and they believe the part
and gesture you through.
- And she like runs and
she's like, April O'Neal out!
She keeps running.
- Artemia, you're up, you're now on the,
she's still running through
the Transformers float
and you're climbing up on now.
Give me a Dex save to start.
- 12.
- 12, oh, as you're running,
boom, the canons go off again
and one just hits, it
goes right into your chest
and knocks you prone.
So you were close on Ramona's tail
but now you've got knocked down
and she's continuing to run
so the gap is growing.
And then, Ramona, you're up,
you hop off the Transformers float
and you're climbing up onto the next one.
You don't really know what it is,
but there's some guys with
like big packs on their back
and like khaki jumpsuits
and there's a big like
marshmallow man in the way.
Oh, I can't hear you.
If you're talking, I can't hear you.
- Oh, that's 'cause I didn't say nothing.
- Okay.
- But what I would like to do
is go straight for the marshmallow man
and I would like to push him.
- Okay, go ahead and
roll a Strength for me.
- So 14 minus one, that's a 13.
- All right, you walk up
and you walk up to this
marshmallow man and you push him
and he's a lot harder to
move than you anticipated
and most of your strength
kind of goes into like,
it just pushes in his stomach portion.
So you don't knock 'em over,
but you manage to kind
of squeeze your body in
and work your way around to the far side
of the marshmallow man.
And then, Daniel.
- What an adversary!
- Daniel, you're up.
I think you're still back on
the Transformers float, yes,
so start with a Dex save.
- Yeah.
All right, let me go with
this again, Dex save.
Oh, that is a nat 20.
- Ooh, so you run, you hop up,
these cannons fire, you dodge 'em,
you actually hop over
Artemia who is on the ground
and continue running after Ramona.
And you're gaining on her now.
In fact, you've caught up you're
so you're now at the other side of the,
she's on one of the marshmallow man.
and you're on the other.
Can I get a Strength saving throw
or a Strength roll from each of you.
- All right.
All right, shoulda switched
dice after that nat 20,
that's gonna be a 16.
- Did you get a nat 20
or what'd you get, 16?
- No, I got a 16 minus one so it's 15.
- Oh, 15, so pretty dang close.
So Daniel, you got up and you kind of see,
as you try to go to one side,
you know, she goes the other.
So you each at the same
time have the thought
to push the marshmallow man.
So you each start pushing and as you do
the marshmallow man is
just flailing around,
but eventually you kind of push it up
and Ramona falls back off of the trailer
and loses some ground, she
kinda scrambles up to her feet
and slowly continues trying to run.
Heather, you're up.
Start with the Dex save on
the Transformer float for me.
Can't hear you.
- Of course, I shall, that's an 11.
- I mean, oh, you run
through, you hop over Artemia
and as you are, goosh,
the cannons go off again
and you just get hit in midair
and just get like
tabletopped to the ground.
- Oh no, poor Heather!
Okay, well she tries to like
I guess like roll out of it
and like get back up and then like sprint.
- Okay, cool.
Artemia, you're on the ground as well,
I assume you want to
stand up and keep running.
- Yep, you are correct, this is pathetic
and I do not like this look on me.
- Perfect.
The Ghostbusters have all
hopped off of the float
and are helping this marshmallow man
who fell off the side get up.
So it's a clear shot as
you run over, you catch up.
But now as you hop off there
aren't any more floats,
but Ramona as you run now
there's a big marching band
who is playing and you're trying
to weave your way through.
They're moving around a
lot, they're tightly packed,
it's very difficult to get through.
Can you roll Athletics for me?
- All these bards just in the way.
16.
- 16, all right.
And then, Wolf, if can you
roll Athletics for me as well?
- My people.
(triumphant music)
- Athletics roll, Daniel,
you're being slow.
- Okay, my bad.
Let me see.
Ooh.
That's going to be, ooh, 19.
- 19, all right, so you manage to,
must be your football skills,
you managed to weave
through this marching band
much more effectively
and you actually catch up
to this interloper who
you've been chasing.
And as you catch up and you
kind of get your hand on her,
suddenly in the float
behind the marching band
there is a kid, like a teenage kid,
who is singing a popular oldies song
that the band is playing along to
and suddenly everyone in the
parade gets in the street
and begins dancing along to the song.
So now all of a sudden
you're all sandwiched in
as this, you don't recognize him,
probably goes to a different high school,
but you don't think that teen
should probably be on that float,
but no one seems to care at all
and they're just dancing in
the street having a great time.
But Daniel, you now are right next to
this stranger from the fantasy realm
and she's realized she's
got nowhere to go either,
so what do you do?
- I just look at them and just go,
hey, we're just trying to help you get
to what you're getting to
unless you're getting to
something evil right now so,
who are you?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- By this time have Heather
and Artemia joined the group?
- Yeah, you guys push your way up,
but you realize you're
getting bounced around
and there's a lot of noise
so you're not really able to
effectively have a conversation
in the middle of this parade.
- Heather like dances up and she's like,
hey, we came from the same place you are,
want to get out of here and
discuss why we're both here?
- I just really want to get
away from all these people.
- Heather like starts a party train
and so she like grabs Artemia
and puts her hands on her shoulders
and she just like dances
her way out of the crowd.
before I go anywhere with y'all
I need to know what's going on
and I'd like to use my primeval awareness
to see exactly if there's like,
are they bad, are they good?
I can't go with anybody that
just wants me to go with them
because I don't, all these
people, I don't know.
But I'd like to get my primeval awareness
to figure out if there's
any evil magic in the area.
- Okay, sounds good.
With primeval awareness
is it like an aura thing
or is it just a sense?
I forget what the exact,
how that manifests
or expresses itself.
- Just takes an action and the skill spot
and I can check anything within one mile.
- Okay, so you use your primeval awareness
and it's kind of like sensory overload.
You actually, not only
do you get the sense
that there is no evil around,
the three of them emanate
this feeling of just intense
goodness, you you've
never had it be so strong.
Haven't had anything seemed
so intensely good to you.
- All right, I'm gonna come with you.
- Okay, they boogie train
to a quiet area of Chicago.
- I'm not boogie training
nowhere, I'm walking.
- Okay, Heather and Artemia boogie train.
- Okay, well I drag my feet
while holding on to Heather.
Yep.
- Heather's a one woman boogie train.
To a quiet area.
- You boogie train your way,
or at least Heather boogie
trains her way off of the street
and you get on the sidewalk and you walk,
you turn off of the
road where the parade is
and you now just stand on a street corner
that is not overflowing with people.
- Hi, I'm Heather Banks,
I'm from, I guess your world
and we went through this portal
and now we're trying to find someone.
But we noticed that you're here
and I'm kind of curious
what you're doing here.
Are you here on accident
or do you have a quest
or what's your deal?
I didn't expect to run into anyone here.
- Who sent ya, huh?
- Nobody sent me.
See, I was out and I decided,
I like to go and climb
so I went to go climb and
I was on Mount Gravis,
I just like to go
'cause sometimes it's just
real fun, it's real easy.
But I was going and then I saw this cavern
and I went in I saw all this
light and that's real pretty.
And sometimes you see
something that's really pretty
and you wanna go up to it and you're like,
you don't really realize
that it's gonna take you to,
wherever this is, but
that's how I got here
and hi, my name is Ramona Labelle
and it's real nice to meet you all
now that I know you're not evil.
- It's very nice to meet you
and know that you are too are not evil.
And like Heather reaches
out her hand to shake.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And then she realizes
she's not getting a handshake
so she just like turns it into a thumbs up
and then just like so puts
it back down. (laughs)
- Hi.
- I mean, you look just as confused
as we are, so I empathize.
- So we're trying to track down somebody
that put us through that portal.
It seems like you might be
good at picking up vibes.
Do you have any--
- Oh yeah, I can find people.
- That's perfect!
We're looking to find someone.
He is not from this world,
I don't know if there's any other,
do you guys think of anything that like?
- Should we just try and
go back to the school?
- I mean, that's exactly where I would go.
- Okay.
- This whole time I thought
he was just our janitor.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
Well maybe we'll start at going to school
and then we'll start searching from there.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
- Ya'll see this all the time?
- Well, it's not always this wild.
No, what am I kidding, it's the 80s.
- Yeah, it's kind of like this.
But now, you know, I don't--
- There's lots of colors.
- Yes.
- You can say that.
Eye searing colors.
- Maybe we should look for the bus stop
and take the bus back?
I wonder if that, do we have 80s money?
I like look in my bag.
- All you have is that magical coin purse.
And you also realized that
as Ramona's walking around,
she's drawing a lot of
attention from passers by
and you think it might be a good idea
to maybe get her a change of
clothes, maybe at the mall.
- Yeah, I think we're gonna have to be
a little more low key,
(gasps) let's go shopping.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
- What's a bus?
- Oh.
- Ah.
- It's like a big transport
that transports multiple people
across distances to your
to where you want to go.
- It's like a robot horse.
- Like a robot carriage.
- Or like a cart.
- A robot, yeah, cart
carriage kind of thing.
- I feel like we'd have to
explain what a robot is too.
- Whoops.
- So yeah.
- You're absolutely right.
- It's like a large metal--
- It's like a carriage that
moves itself like magic.
- And there's wheels
and they move forward.
- Yeah.
- Right.
- And you're not driving
it, someone else drives it
and you tell them where you want to go
and they take you there.
- Yeah.
- You're freaked out, aren't you?
- I completely understand
everything that you just said.
- Good.
- Okay.
- Well, you got that magical coin purse,
I think we're gonna be able
to catch a ride to the mall.
- Yeah, I think I need to get something
for you to blend in a little more.
- Remember you're also
in downtown Chicago.
So there are also taxi cabs by as well.
Your high school and mall
and such are in the suburbs
so if you're gonna take a
transportation, just a suggestion,
you might want to head in that direction.
- You didn't like my bus idea?
No, you can take a bus,
it'll take a lot longer.
The El does not go to your suburb.
- All right, fair enough.
You know what, let's take a taxi.
And Heather like sticks out her hand.
- All right, after a while a taxi stops
and you hop into the cab,
who hops in the front seat?
- I do 'cause I get motion sickness.
- Okay, perfect.
Up in the front seat and you get in,
the cabbie kind of makes a
remark, he turns around and goes,
Hey, you in the parade?
And he points at Ramona.
- Yes, she was.
- Awesome, where are you headed?
- To the mall in the
suburbs, the suburb mall.
- Oh, I know exactly the place,
I know exactly how to
get there, say no more.
And he peels off and starts heading back
to your neck of the woods
in suburban Chicago.
And as you travel, it'll take a little bit
so we should take a quick
break while you drive.
And maybe Artemia can
answer some questions
for the lovely people in the chat.
- Hey everybody, how's
everyone doing today?
I'm here to answer questions, I guess.
Pickle and peanut butter
sandwich, yay or nay?
Nay.
Now I miss my horse
Pongo, but I like pickles.
I like pickles, but the
combo's kind of gross.
You accepted the news of not
being from the 80s really well.
Do you really believe that?
I don't know, I guess you could say
I'm kind of a spiritual person
and I'm not surprised by anything
that this universe throws at me
and I always felt like
I didn't really belong
in my current era and in my
current life so, I don't know.
I kind of like the fact
that I'm not from the 80s
or from this realm or
whatever you want to call it.
Artemia, what did you
do with those eyeballs?
I have them in my little,
I have a little sack.
They've kept up pretty well, actually.
I got these jars and I kind
of have them preserved.
I think they'll come
in handy at some point.
No, I'm not planning on eating them.
In that case, what are you
most looking forward to
about returning to your world?
My world, as in my fake
reality which is the 80s?
Or the reality that I'm actually a part of
that I forgot all about, which sucks.
If it's the old reality,
I kind of like starting from scratch.
I like that idea.
If it's my new reality, I
really like potato chips,
so I'm looking forward to
eating a lot of potato chips,
like a lot.
(bell rings)
Oh, well that's the bell.
I hope you guys got to
know me a little better
and I promise you I'll do
some good with those eyeballs.
- Welcome back.
Did everyone have a good break,
or rather a good cab ride?
- Had a great cab ride.
- Mm-hmm, it was a little bumpy.
- We stopped by our local
spot, got a quick bite.
A quick dog.
- From Anthony Brothers.
- Yeah, I wish you would have asked me
if I wanted something, Daniel.
I'm hungry too.
- Daniel and the cabbie
are just eating hot dogs
while you sit.
- Yeah, the Cubs, they're doing great.
- We're here and he pulls up to the mall
that they just built
a couple of years ago,
it's still brand new and he
goes, that'll be a 43.50.
- Heather reaches into the bag
and pulls out money and hands it to him.
- Is this real gold?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Oh my, thank you!
- You're welcome.
- Have a good day.
- You have a great day, sir.
- You too!
- As he peels off, you hear
him like crank music, like.
- We just made that guy's day.
- Okay, so clearly that doesn't
give us this world's money.
Do you think we're going
to draw a lot of attention
if we're just paying everybody in gold?
- Ooh, good question.
- What's wrong with gold?
- Well, it's not really
the currency of choice
in this day and age.
- It'll make us stick out,
kind of like our clothes.
- I mean, what do y'all suggest?
- I mean, this is my nice climbing outfit
so I don't know what they expect of me.
- It looks really nice,
but the people here
aren't used to people
from different areas.
They're used to everybody
looking like them
and we want to make sure that
you're safe and blend in,
you know, like an undercover mission.
- Yeah, I can do that.
- You're so good at this, Heather.
- What?
- I said, you're so good at this.
- Oh, thanks, I've been
trying a new thing,
I'm feeling a little more confident.
I really appreciate it.
- All right, is it
'cause you were flirting?
- Stop.
- Oh, god.
- Heather like blushes beet red.
She was like, I wasn't.
(laughing)
But she still has the coat on.
even though she's wearing 80
stuff she still as the coat on.
- Artemia just wants to get over this
because she cannot stand them all
so she would like to go in and discuss.
- This money thing though.
- Well, I mean, he took it.
So they can pawn it and
trade it or something.
- But it's like a mall, Could
you imagine going up to like,
I don't know, a normal
store, like the Neon Mullet
and just like trying to give them gold?
They're going to look at you strange.
Like we know the people that I work here.
- Well, this is why I think
I'm from another time,
because I would think that is
the coolest thing ever, but.
I mean, where in this
suburban part of Chicago,
are we going to find a gold exchange?
- We look around to see if
there's a gold exchange store.
- You're currently just
standing outside the mall
so would you like to walk into the mall?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Let's just brave it
out, see what happens,
take some chances.
- You walk you walk under the neon archway
and open the doors to the mall,
it is the huge, expansive brand
new mall with water features
and greenery and ferns everywhere,
all the signs are neon.
And you look around and you
see a Sears, a Walden Books,
Scoops Ahoy ice cream
parlor, a jeweler, the Gap,
and the hottest new teen
clothing store, the Neon Mullet.
- So definitely not like
a gold exchange place.
- Negatory.
- Y'all, this is a lot of stuff.
- It is, isn't it, it's a lot.
- They just upgraded their marketplace.
- Don't you think an edgy
place would take gold?
Like they think that's like, yeah, gold.
Who needs this tree killing stuff?
- I mean, whatever. I guess
if this whole place is fake
it doesn't even matter, right,
are these people even real?
- I don't know anymore.
I might just be a hologram at
this point, I have no idea.
- Whatever, let's just go for it.
She like walks into the Neon Mullet.
- Okay.
So you walk in and it is the
trendiest clothing store.
It is all the rage, teenagers love it.
It has every cool, hip
80s style under the sun.
So whatever you're looking
for, they probably got it.
- Does anything look good to you, Ramona?
Anything you might want to wear?
- I like how those tops are slanted.
- Great.
- I want one of those.
- Perfect.
Heather walks over and
like kind of eyeballs
to try to find like the right size
and like hands it over to her.
She's like, okay, we just
need pants I think now.
- Is there like a color or
a pattern or anything to it?
- It's a gray off the
shoulder slouchy sweater.
(laughing)
- Yes.
Perfect.
- So she Also goes over
and sees a scrunchie
and she picks it up and she's like.
This is a tiny little archery bow.
- I guess it could be, but
here they put it in their hair.
As like an accessory.
- She puts it on.
- Like a ribbon or something.
- My gosh, you look rad.
- That picture, that thing,
it's like she's got the
ponytail on the side.
I like the hair off to
the side, it's like--
- Totally rad.
This is so fun, okay,
we just need pants now.
Or like bottoms.
Do you like being movementy,
do you want some like leggings?
Oh my gosh, what's the like word for it.
- Like they go on your
legs, I'm not that dumb.
- Yeah, the stretchy
pants that go on your leg.
I'm not saying that you're dumb,
I just didn't know how to
explain what leggings were.
I'm the dumb one in this scenario.
- Fine, I'll take those.
What about these shiny
things, These like, these,
they look like my sweater,
and she grabs some legwarmers.
- Oh yeah, go for it.
Those go on your ankles.
On the bottom of your legs.
- All right, I guess.
- And so we put together this ensemble
and we have Ramona change.
- Okay, she goes and she changes in
and I know it's probably really hard
to picture what she looks like.
But her ponytails on the side,
she's got like a gray
off the shoulder sweater.
I know it's really hard to imagine
but just try your hardest,
if only we had a visual,
but it looks great.
- Yay.
And then she goes to the makeup stand
and gets the eye shadow and puts it on.
- Heck yeah.
What a transformation.
You look great.
- You like it?
- I love it!
- And while that's going on I,
since cell phones aren't a
thing I need to look busy
to avoid anyone coming
into contact with me
because I am not for
talking to random strangers.
So I take out my camera
and I started taking photos of things.
- What are you taking photos of?
- My surroundings, things
that interest me in the mall.
Things that I think would
be unappreciated actually.
- Okay, so just like objects,
like architecture and objects and stuff.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Cool.
Yeah, you do that and you
walk around and taking photos.
Even though you know it
was your lens transformed
it operates just like your regular camera.
- Yeah, and I'm just
thumbing through my grimoire
trying to expand my brain.
- Heather pays with gold.
- Yeah, on the outside it looks
like your basic coding book,
but on the inside it's still your spells.
- Okay, go ahead, Heather.
- Heather goes up to the counter
and tries to pay with gold.
- Hey, thanks for shopping
at the Neon Mullet.
It's gonna be 107.53.
- Yikes, and she like
puts down a stack of gold.
- What is that?
- It's money, it's real gold.
- I don't, I don't, I don't,
I don't think I can take that.
I'd have to ask my manager.
- Okay, I can wait.
- Okay, give me a sec.
He turns around and he
walks back into the back.
And about two minutes later he comes out,
he goes, my manager's on lunch,
but she said that you should
just exchange the gold
at the jeweler for cash.
- I overhear this and I try
and come up to the cashier
to convince him like, hey look,
we're not trying to give away
all this gold that we found,
mostly because this gold
is owned by some mobsters.
See, we went down into a cave
and we found a pirate ship
and inside that pirate ship there was gold
and some weird looking
dude, but we left him there.
- I'm gonna stop you right there,
I'm gonna stop you right there.
I love the Goonies, just take it.
- Okay, but I'm gonna leave this for you.
- Heather's shook, but she like takes out
another amount of gold and puts it on top
'cause she'd be like, that's for you.
And she just scoots back and
she's like, let's go, Ramona.
- Here you go.
- You turn around and
you walk out of the store
and as you do you
accidentally bump into someone
and she goes, watch it, bozo.
And you turn around, wait a minute,
Heather?
And what is it, Artemis, Heather?
- Darla?
- And her and she's with
her friend, Tiffany,
who's also on the
cheerleading squad, yeah.
So good to see you.
- I tuck away.
- This is awkward.
- Roll stealth.
- I'm rolling stealth, I'm outta here.
- Okay, roll stealth, I'm
gonna roll stealth too.
- Oh my God, (laughs) yes.
It's a 22.
- 22?
- Yeah, I rolled a 19.
- I rolled a 20.
- God damn.
- You see her as you round the corner,
you duck back into the Neon Mullet.
And you just kind of start
browsing through some clothes.
Darla, what are you two doing here?
Never seen you here.
Are you guys still okay
after ruining the play?
- Heather's giving me a makeover.
- You better be shopping,
your clothes are burned.
Why are your clothes burned?
- It is the latest fashion,
haven't you heard of it, Darla?
- Yeah, You must be pretty behind, Darla.
- First of all, I know fashion,
and no, that's not fashion.
- Whatever your mom wears
isn't considered fashion.
- Sick burn, sick burn.
- My mom is very well dressed
and like super cool, unlike your mom, so.
I mean, I agree, my mom's sucks.
- Good, so we agree, your mom sucks.
- Yeah, she does.
Okay, well, it's been really great talk--
- Excuse me.
- Heather turns.
- Do you go to Hallwinter
High, I don't recognize you.
- Whatever that means
I just know that you should not go around
insultin' people's mothers.
- But I can insult my own.
- Okay, I'll take note of that, thank you.
- Raised you better, Darla.
And then Heather grabs the
two girls and turns and bolts.
- All right, you walk past and she turns,
her and Tiffany turn and they
walk into the Neon Mullet.
- Oh no.
- Whoops, that was a bad choice.
- Wolf?
- Hey, uh, hey.
- What are you doing?
Hey, babe, what are you doing here?
- I was hanging with Heather and Artemia.
(chuckling)
- Okay, sure.
- What are you laughing
at, I didn't tell a joke.
- Are you serious?
What are you doing with those losers?
- I wouldn't call them losers,
babe, they're pretty cool.
- Why are you talking
like a computer dork?
What's up with your voice?
- Because this is what I sound like.
- No, it's not.
Is this a joke, what is going on?
- Look, look, look--
- Okay, stop.
- What do you want, Darla?
What do you want out of life,
where do you see yourself in five years?
- Five years?
Being the most popular,
hottest senior in college.
- And you can't see that
that's all bull crap?
- Like, what are you gonna get out of life
being the hottest,
coolest senior in college?
- Whatever I want, just like right now.
- No, it doesn't kind of work that way.
At a certain point it
means that if we're dating,
you're gonna be dependent on me.
And if I'm going to have
someone depending on me
I kind of want someone
who treats other human
beings with respect.
'Cause I'm trying to make the world better
and you're just trying to
stand on top of people.
I guess what I'm trying to
say, Darla, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm breaking up with you.
Especially, 'cause you're not even real.
- What?
- I don't have time to explain that but--
- Excuse me, no, you're, you're breaking,
I don't even know which one to address.
Have you lost your mind?
The past few days you
have been really weird.
Do you need to see like a
doctor, what is going on?
- Artemia is totally listening in on this
because she's a low key
(speaking in foreign language).
(laughing)
- I don't know, this past few days
I've never felt more like me
than I've ever felt, you know,
and as I look inward and
see the things I want,
I don't want to be a football player,
I want to be an engineer.
And the people I want to be
with aren't shallow mean people,
They're people who, who
stand up for what's right.
Who always have an eye for
good things and, you know.
Glances over at Artemia.
- Tiffany, her friend,
starts to go, listen, Wolf.
And Darla just looks over at her
and she just immediately stops
talking and straightens up.
Well you know what,
that's fine, it's good,
'cause I don't want to be with
a loser who's lost his mind
and you know what, you're
going to regret this.
And she splashes her lemonade on you
and she runs off with Tiffany.
And you see her just go into another shop.
She could have been a little
less mean, but I don't know,
really made me mad how
mean she was to y'all.
- Heather like walks back
as apparently she has been next
to Artemia this whole time,
she's like, it's okay.
You okay?
- Yeah, actually I feel good,
it feels like a huge weight
because you know that like I'm
beyond the Wolf side of me.
And that was kind of the one part of me
that was still stuck there
even though it may not even be real.
So, were you all able
to get some new clothes?
- Yeah, yeah, we were, Ramona looks great.
- That you do, okay.
So are we going to search
for the janitor at school
or what's the plan?
- Artemia you're you're
taking pictures again.
What are you taking pictures of?
- Just people, mannequins,
horrible outfits,
water fountains that make no
sense in the middle of a mall.
- Your camera operates as normal
but then you notice there's a
couple holding hands walking
alone through the mall and you
go to snap a candid picture
and you realize as you look
through the viewfinder,
there is just this ever so
slight like faint red outline
that kind of like radiates from them.
And when you snap the
picture those lines amplify
and they get humongous and you
see the couple out of nowhere
start to freak out and
they look up toward the sky
and they point up at nothing.
There's nothing there and they scream
and they turn and they run
the other way out of the mall.
- Y'all, I just think I saw
something through my lens.
There's a couple, that
couple that you just saw
right up ahead.
- Yeah, they ran out, it's real weird.
- Yeah, we should chase them or you know,
not be too obvious,
but we should follow them like right now.
So, they went that way.
So we start, just believe
me, something weird happened
in that lens as I was taking a photo
and they started emanating red stuff
and I think that's a sign and
I think we should follow them
because nothing surprises me anymore
and this lens tells me
things, so let's go!
- Super weird, yeah, whatever you say.
- All right, so you kind of run outside,
but by the time you are outside the mall,
you see them hop in their car
and peel out and get away.
- Weird.
Hmm, that's weird.
Well, we'll keep an eye out.
Maybe keep using that camera,
but I think we should try to
go to school, if that's okay.
Yeah, I really want to go
after these people, Artemia.
- They looked up, I think
they knew that I was there
and they sensed my energy or
from the lens or something
and they looked up, they
freaked out and they ran.
So I'm not sure what could possibly be
higher up in the mall.
- Did you see anything,
from what they looked at?
- No.
They just looked up and
freaked out and ran away.
- Take a picture of me, and Heather poses.
Do I have radiated energy?
- It's the same thing, it's very faint.
There's just a subtle,
almost imperceptible
kind of red radiating outline around her.
- Okay, but when I go over
other people in the mall,
I did take it, you look fantastic.
- Oh, okay, well then hold on,
Heather make a Wisdom saving throw for me.
- Okay.
That's a two, that's a two.
- You suddenly through the viewfinder,
as you take the picture
she begins radiating
a huge, you know, red energy
and Heather, you are
kind of consumed by fear
and you look up and
you don't see anything,
but you just feel like there is something
absolutely dreadfully
terrifying in front of you
and you feel the need to get away from it.
(Heather stammers)
- She just turns and runs.
- What the hell, does everyone
suddenly have the runs?
I don't understand.
(laughing)
- And Heather like like is
screaming behind her shoulders.
I don't know what it is,
I'm just really freaked out!
You guys, this feels like
magic or something crazy!
And she just keeps running.
- I want to pursue Heather
to find out what the hell she's seeing
because I need answers, damn it.
- I don't see anything,
I'm just kinda scared.
It's like a vibe.
- It's just an, okay.
- Eventually after a few
seconds she calms down
and returns and you kind of
reconvene in the parking lot.
- I feel like you're
camera's given a power.
- Yeah, but there's, I don't
know what this whole thing is
of people looking up and freaking out,
including you, Heather,
so there's some kind of
evil aura, I don't know,
something's up there.
So we should maybe check it out.
- Well, I remember when I felt it
it just felt like something.
There's nothing really to
check out, I don't think.
- At this point Ramona wanders back over.
She had disappeared.
She talked some guy at the stand
into buying her what's called a corn dog.
And so she just walks back up
with the corn dog on a
stick and some lemonade
and goes, y'all ever heard of a corn dog?
Oh yeah, just wait until you hear about
pickle and peanut butter
sandwiches, that's a hit.
We got really creative here in the 80s.
Get very, very creative with our food.
- Have you tried it, do you like it?
- It's the best food
I've ever had in my life.
I don't know why y'all
would ever leave this place.
It is magical.
- Yeah, I wonder too, I wonder too.
- Well, the place is magical,
but the people kind of
are the worst sometimes.
- Yeah, big old pharma chains.
- Bless their hearts.
- Well, I guess the general consensus
is that we head over to our high school.
- Yeah, let's call another taxi.
And Heather just like puts
her hand back up, wait.
- You're now in a suburban
parking lot, there are no taxis
and you realize that to
the high school would be
like a couple hours, not a long drive,
but a long walk, like multiple hours.
But Wolf, you actually realize,
after Heather ran away and you chased her,
you're now standing next
to what you recognize
as Darla's yellow Porsche.
And you remember that she keeps her key
in an outside pocket of her purse.
- Hmm, I mean, we can
take Darla's Porsche.
and it's gonna be cramped,
it's definitely gonna be
cramped but, you know,
if she's not real it's
not really stealing.
- Ah, good point, let's do it.
- I don't really love our
moral grayitude right now.
(dog barks)
Neither does that dog,
apparently, that's nearby.
- That's the reality dog,
it's letting us now that this ain't real.
- You know, if that's what you
feel in your heart, Daniel.
I'm just petty, aren't
I, I'm really petty.
- But I also like won't stop you, I guess.
This is all really confusing.
- All right.
We're gonna need someone
sneaky to grab the keys
and I say that without breaking
eye contact from Artemia.
- Oh me, you're so kind.
I'll do it, I volunteer.
- So you head back into the mall together.
Well, I don't know, does
everyone go back into the mall?
Yeah.
- Sure, we stick together.
Squad for life.
- You walk back into the
mall and after some searching
you find Darla and
Tiffany shopping in Sears.
just looking at clothing on the racks
and she's got her purse on
her, her right shoulder.
- I just broke up with her
and she's not even crying.
- Let's huddle up here,
should we like distract her or something?
I mean, you know her best,
what distracts Darla, Daniel?
Aside from shiny things.
- Heather.
Give me your hand.
- Uh, okay, and she gives him his hand,
or she gives him her hand.
- And he then grabs her hand
and then walks by Darla while
holding hands with Heather.
- All right, you walk by and you notice
as Tiffany taps Heather on
the shoulder and points over
and they both just turn
and watch as you walk by.
Artemia, are you sneaking up behind
to steal the keys, what are you doing?
- Yes, so I'm trying to.
- All right, roll slight
of hand with advantage.
- Trying to find.
Okay, here we go, sorry, all right.
Yikes, I have 11, but
do I have inspiration?
I'm not sure if I've used it yet?
- You're already rolling
with advantage so roll again.
- 21
- Oh, that'll do it.
So as Wolf and Heather
walked by holding hands
and they're watching,
you just sneak up and
you carefully unzipped
the side pocket of her purse
and you sneakily pull out the key
and you scurry off without them having
even the slightest clue
that you were there.
- I am very sneaky, very, very sneaky.
(laughing)
- You guys regroup outside it appears.
- Heather, like laughs, is
like, Wolf, you're so funny,
and then keeps going.
(laughing)
- So you regroup outside of the mall
and you walk back to Darla's car.
It is a coup, so you pulled the most
outrageous clown car job that
you can with, who's driving?
By the way.
- I assume I have my license
and can drive, so I'll drive.
Also, she's letting me
drive her Porche before.
- Okay, cool, so you hop in
and then the three of you
all kind of oddly pile in,
do you want to try to cram into the seat
or does one person want
to like hop in the trunk?
How do you want to fit into this car?
- I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm the shortest
at five feet tall.
And I know we're not that
far from the high school
so I won't get car sick
if I go in the trunk.
I'm used to it, they always
toss me in the trunk.
- All right, Artemia hops in
the trunk and closes the door.
And then you two kind of double buckle
in the passenger seat, Heather,
and, why am I blanking?
Why am I blanking, why am I blanking?
I know your name, tell me her name.
- Oh, it's Ramona.
- Ramona, Ramona, thank you.
I'm sorry about that.
So Ramona and Heather are
just like double buckled
in the front, Artemia's in the back.
And Daniel, you shifted into
gear, hit the gas and head out.
And you begin driving
toward the high school.
Heather though, as you're riding
and you're looking out the window
you realize that the route you're taking,
you're actually going
to be passing your house
like any second.
- Oh my gosh, we're going to
be passing my house any second.
Can we stop, can we stop?
- Do you need anything?
Yeah, of course, of course.
- If this might be the last
time I see my family ever again
that's kind of fake, but like real to me.
- So you pull into the driveway.
What was that?
- Has anyone ever told you
that y'all are confusing?
- Not directly but I can
understand how that would be, yeah.
- Yeah, this is a lot to take in
but I promise things will
only get more confusing.
So buckle up, maybe?
- You pull into the driveway
and open the garage door,
head in through the side door.
And as you enter your dog
kind of runs up, arf arf,
and then kind of greets you
and was really excited to see you.
- She pets his little fuzzy, curly ears.
- You walk into the kitchen
and your dad is in there,
he goes, oh, hey, pumpkin.
Your friends walk in, he goes, oh,
you've only ever brought
Heather one around.
Though I must say, you're the
number one Heather in my book.
Are these your friends?
- Yeah, were working
on a project together.
- Oh, that's great, I'm making pancakes.
I'll make you all some as well.
Oh, that reminds me, I got a phone call
from principal Kenner, did
you get detention today?
- Yes, yeah, I did.
It was an accident.
- What happened?
- There was a food fight and
it was kind of irresistible,
but I'm really sorry
and I won't do it again.
- Oh, at least it's just
a food fight, that's okay.
But why, did you start it?
- No, but everyone left
as soon as they saw the principal walk in
and I didn't see him so I
kind of got blamed for it.
- That's bad luck.
Hey, is that my guitar in there?
I thought you weren't interested.
- Oh yeah, I, I changed my mind.
- Well, I'm glad to hear that.
Yeah, take it, take it anytime you like.
- Thanks, dad.
- So yeah, those pancakes should
be ready in a few minutes,
so make yourselves at home and
get to your project, I guess.
- Thanks.
And Heather like tries not
to cry and kinda like turns
and like ushers them
towards her room, I guess.
Or at least maybe the living
room to wait for the pancakes.
- Yeah, you head into the living room.
A few moments later your
dad comes out and he goes,
I hope you don't mind,
since it's fall I made pumpkin
pancakes for my pumpkin.
And then he gives you all the pancakes
and he goes, I'll leave your kids alone.
- Thanks.
And Heather like sets down
the guitar next to her
and she just stares at the pancakes,
but she doesn't eat anything.
- Your dad's really nice.
- Yeah, he is.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
- I think you believe
what's in your heart.
- But if I believe what
I what's in my heart
then he's not real.
All this was a lie.
I just don't want my parents
to not be real, you know.
I'm sure our past lives are
real cool and everything
but this is all I've ever known.
- Yeah.
- But what if your dad
and the people that you love are real,
but in another dimension,
like where we came from.
- Yeah, maybe they're
based off of your memories,
our memories of people.
- I hope so, but I really just
don't know anything anymore.
- You're not alone.
- Thanks.
- I know we've only known
each other for a little while,
but you seem real nice
and I don't know anything
else that's going on,
but I know one thing that's real,
real or fake your dad
makes real good pancakes.
- Thanks.
- And that's something you can believe in
because you can taste it.
(laughing)
- She's not wrong.
She is not wrong.
- Some good comedic relief right there.
Heather eats some of the pancakes
and she feels rejuvenated
and she's like, you know what,
we need to save that world
'cause that's what my
dad would want me to do.
And she like gets up
and she grabs the guitar
and she's like, let's get to that school.
- Let's go.
- And she gives her dad
a hug on the way out.
She's like, I love you, dad.
- Love you, you heading out?
- Yeah, we've got something
to finish up at school.
- Alrighty.
He goes and he opens the door for you all.
He looks out in the driveway
and he goes, oh my gosh!
That's a Porsche 928 GT, who's is that?
- It's my friend's, they're
letting me borrow it.
- Oh man, how do you like it?
- Oh, it drives like a dream.
- Does it have a V8 engine?
I think, do you know, I think
it gets up to 330 horsepower.
That's what I read is that,
I know it's not your car
I guess, but do you know?
- Yeah, I mean, it feels like it.
- Now that that double wishbone suspension
has a unique tow in stabilizing effect
that handles like a dream, I hear.
- Ooh, yeah.
- Oh anyway, I'm babbling,
all right, I'm sorry.
I'll let your kids go.
- Hey.
- Yeah?
- Mr. Banks, you want
to borrow it, Mr. Banks?
I mean, if we can borrow the
family car you can borrow.
- Well, you said it's
not yours, I don't wanna.
- Yeah, but my friend's cool like that.
- Oh, well, if you
don't think they'd mind.
You can take the station wagon.
- Oh, that'd be even better.
That way Artemia here can have a seat.
- Oh yeah, how'd you fit in there?
He goes and he brings the
keys for the station wagon
and he brings them out to you guys.
- Awesome.
- Enjoy.
- Have fun, dad.
- All right, he goes, I'll
see you tonight, sweetie.
Be safe, I love you.
- See you tonight.
And she gets into the backseat.
- Okay, you hop into the back seat
and Daniel pulls out of the driveway
and guns it toward Hallwinter High.
A few minutes later you
arrive and you park,
you hop out of the car,
everything seems normal,
just as you left it.
And as you're walking in
toward the high school,
a car passes by and Kevin sticks
his head out of the window
and he goes, see you tomorrow, Artemia!
He waves as his mom drives them away.
- It's Kevin!
- Kevin, oh god, I miss that dude.
- Oh yeah, I forgot all about Kevin.
- Coming through with the frozen patties,
a true hero in disguise.
- So that was you who
had the frozen patties.
- Oh, well.
- Hmm, hmm, mm-hmm.
- It's not time to hold a
grudge now over frozen patties,
I think we need to go in there
and find the janitor's closet
or at least that's where
I would look first.
- Yeah, let's go.
- You think he just
hangs out in the closet,
he doesn't have like
an officer or anything?
- Well, I mean, my memory is a bit shot,
Isn't that where we were?
- Yeah.
- By that I mean transported
into another dimension.
- Yeah, I wonder why we didn't come back
out of the Janitor's closet.
Like you'd think that we'd come back out
the way we went in, right?
- Yeah, but he had other
plans for us, I guess.
- So do we have to fight this Jan the ter?
- Yes, he essentially cleans up after.
- Right, we're trying to rescue him.
It was his job for him to bring us back.
But he didn't come with us.
- Yeah, he was supposed to come with us.
But in this world his job
is just cleaning after a
bunch of ungrateful kids
and their vomit.
- Oh, I thought it was a
lady named Jan the ter.
- No.
- Oh, no.
- Sorry.
- Quite a name.
- What would you say he
usually wore, Daniel, Heather?
I mean, it was like, lots of keys.
- Like a jumpsuit.
- Jumpsuit.
- Jumpsuit, usually of the khaki kind
and lots of keys hanging off his belt.
- Wasn't he older?
- Mm-hmm.
- Pretty old, right?
- Yeah.
- I'm just gonna follow you
wherever y'all go anyway
so it don't really make no difference.
- Okay.
- Okay, so look let's go look.
- You enter Hallwinter High.
The halls are empty and
as you near the cafeteria
you step through a membrane field,
exactly like the one in
the underground club.
And as you step through you
hear a cacophony of crashes,
explosions, and yells.
It sounds as if the entire
cafeteria is being upended.
The lights flicker as you
enter through the double doors
to see Kenner in his suit
and open collared shirt
and Mattel in his janitor
outfit in the midst of battle.
There are huge chunks of floor
and wall missing in places
and you watch as they both cast
flurries of energy at each other
and these neon streaks
swirl through the air
and collide overhead.
Mattel looks over, sweat
dripping from his brow, help me!
Roll initiative!
- Crap.
- 21, wow, I really burned
a really good roll on that.
- That's gonna be a seven for me.
- I got an 11.
- You run into the cafeteria,
kind of near Mattel,
and Kenner looks at you all and smirks.
And he extends his hands up to the ceiling
and suddenly from the sprinkler
system water spurts out
and then freezes into a swirling vortex
of freezing cold all
around you, and I need,
let me see, I think I need
each of you to make a,
oh, it's a cone, okay, so it's gonna hit,
that's what it's gonna do.
Ooh, lucked out.
All right, You each take six damage,
six cold damage as this
ice flurries around you
and like coats your skin in ice.
As the spell subsides, Heather,
you're up, what do you do?
- Okay, I want to cast
a Dissonant Whispers.
I want to like paralyze him
with the racking, terrible
pain through the melody
and the melody that I'm singing this time
is of course "Memory" from Cats.
- Okay.
- Bringing it back to our
first conversation with Daniel.
She's like, memory!
- All right, and that's
a saving throw, correct?
- Yeah, yeah, so it's
a Wisdom saving throw,
you have to get over 14.
- He seems unaffected and he kind of,
the corner of his mouth
rises in a slight smirk
as you run into the
cafeteria singing Cats.
Artemia, you're up.
- If nothing else, it's a good bop.
- He's attacking all of us at once.
- Well, he just did, he just took his turn
by doing that cold
attack and you're up now.
- Can I use a bonus action
with two weapon fighting?
- Uh huh, your dagger
and your short sword?
Just only add your modifier,
your plus to the first attack.
So go ahead and roll it to hit.
- I got 16.
Okay, and what's the second?
Okay, and what's the second
roll to hit for your dagger?
- 12.
- 12.
All right, you charge at him
with your sword and dagger
and you jump up into the
air, both blades drawn.
And as you come down though,
he just catches you in midair
and then throws you back.
We go to Ramona.
- All right, I'd love
to take out my long bow,
aim for him, as a bonus
action, if this is successful,
I would like to cast Hail of Thorns.
- Okay.
- Please don't suck now.
That's a 20 plus three
proficiency bonus, so that's a 23.
- You hit, go ahead and roll your damage.
- Six, okay, nine, that's
nine points of damage
and then with Hail of
Thorns at level three,
that's two D10 plus.
So that's 13 points of damage, plus six.
- So 13, so six and 13, okay.
Or is it 13 total or 13 plus six?
- 13 plus six.
- Okay.
All right, you fire your arrow
and it flies through and
strikes him right in the chest.
And as it does these magical
thorns appear with it
and stick all into him.
And he now, his shirt is
kind of coated in blood
with these huge thorns sticking out
from all around his body.
Daniel, you're up.
- I look upon this person,
and yet, even though I
do not recognize them
a rage burns inside me so
Daniel looks at him and says--
- Isn't it our principal?
- Oh, yeah.
- You don't recognize him?
- But he's also the evil guy,
right, this is the evil guy?
- Yeah, but I mean,
he's been our principal
for all of our high school experience.
- All right, I'm uncharacteristically
at this principal.
- Yeah, you don't even know him anymore.
- Yeah, yeah, it's like
I don't even know you.
- It's not even like I know you.
- I'm sorry, but I can't let
you hurt our soon to be friend,
I really don't know him,
he kinda sent us into into another portal
and never said anything to us,
but I can't let you hurt him.
And so I swing my blade
but I am also casting
Booming Blade as I swing.
- Okay.
- Ooh, that's what I like to see.
And that's going to be for 25 to hit.
- All right, go ahead and roll damage.
- All right, so first I'm gonna
roll damage for the sword.
Which is, I'm gonna just use this thing.
And that's 11 damage for
the sword hitting him
and then for the Booming
Blade that's going to be six.
And a with Booming Blade if he moves
he takes a two D8 damage, hold on, sorry,
let me see if he has to do anything.
Yeah, on a hit target suffers
the attacks normal effects.
It becomes sheathed in booming energy
until the start of my next turn.
If the target willingly moves before then
it immediately takes, it says one D8
but now since I'm a higher
level, it's two D8 damage.
- Okay.
Cool, cool, good job.
Yeah, so you run up and with your blade
as you strike through you drag
your blade across his body
and actually like it hits his skin,
but it also takes some thorns with it.
So it's this crunching of
thick thorns and flesh,
the sword, boom, radiates
this huge explosion
that kind of rips his clothing
like even more from his body.
It's like tattered, his
shirt is tattered now.
And we go to Mattel who casts
these neon streaks once again,
like they swirl through the air
and they all converge and
strike in a huge explosion
on Mattel dealing, I
already rolled, 12 damage.
And as the magical smoke
clears you see Kenner,
like his face, it's like melting
and his body just falls and
melts into a metal puddle,
which then darts under one
of the cafeteria tables.
And then suddenly, foom,
the table flies over at you.
You duck under it as it flies
and smashes against the wall behind you,
revealing the Terminator?
It looks like Arnold
Schwarzenegger as the Terminator.
And all of a sudden,
also, I added that 2D8,
I'll add that in a minute.
He starts throwing
cafeteria tables at you.
Can you all make a Dex save?
- I mean, if I have to.
- Christ.
- That's a 15.
- Sorry, what am I rolling again?
- Dex.
- Dex, okay, thank you.
- I added 12 damage for moving,
Ify, from your Booming Blade.
- All right, Dex, that's
going to be 13 for me.
Okay, so the save was 15.
So if you rolled 15 or
higher you managed to dive,
you only take five damage as
the table kind of clips you.
But otherwise this table just
decks you and knocks you back.
Just clobbers you in the body,
just knocks you back onto the
ground and deals 10 damage.
- Oh.
- The Terminator stands and--
- But I'm tiny.
- The Terminator stands
and he glares at you.
And we go to Heather, you're up.
- Okay, it's getting serious,
Heather's never seen the Terminator
but she's like seen who
Arnold Schwarzenegger is
so she knows is the man
not to be messed with.
So she's going to go for her at acid arrow
because that's given her
the most damage thus far
and also she's just
real mad at this point.
This man who like essentially
caused her to have
like her first broken heart from Darla
and like also all this stuff with her dad,
she blames him for everything.
So she's going to throw the
acid arrow and that is a 16.
- The arrow flies and just, thoom.
His head as you shoot it, he just goes.
- But is it possible for me
to have used my Inspiration here?
- You have to use it before
I give you the results.
You have to decide before you're told.
- Ah, but I had no chance, Mitch.
- Use it next round!
- Fine.
- Well you gotta roll before you tell me.
We go to Artemia.
Oh, I think Jenny might be having
some of those lovely internet troubles.
- I hear you.
- Okay, cool.
What would you like to do?
- So you're cutting in and out,
but it's because this battle is so intense
that my senses are going in and out.
But I'm assuming you're asking
me, what do I want to do?
And is there anybody attacking
me directly right now
or is it someone in
more trouble than I am.
- Not at the moment, the
only foe is the Terminator.
- Terminator.
- Yeah, Terminator.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna have to, I
mean, it's the Terminator,
I can't just come at him with one weapon
so I'm going to do the same thing again,
see if I can get better at it.
Bonus action, two weapon fighting.
- Go for it, roll to hit.
- Oh, I have a 10.
- Okay, roll the next one.
- That's with the short sword, okay.
What in the hell, I got another 10.
- As you once again, charge at him
right as you go to swipe with your sword
he at an alarming speed just, foom,
runs to another part of the room
and you just swing and hit nothing at all.
Ramona, you're up.
- I'm gonna go ahead and take aim again
and I'm going to hope it hits.
So a 16 and if possible, I'd like to use
my Hunters Mark with that
arrow as a bonus action.
- Okay so you rolled a 16, you said?
- Mm-hmm.
- So you fire the arrow and it's again
heading straight at his
head and then, foom,
at an alarming speed he once again dashes
to another part of the room.
And your arrow just lodges
into the wall of the cafeteria,
into like a mural on the wall.
Daniel, you're up.
- All right, seems like you
haven't learned your lesson
and you need another Booming Blade
so prepare to feel my wrath yet again!
This time that is going to be a 21.
- All right, that hits,
go ahead and roll damage.
- All right, So first for the blade,
for the blade that's
going to be nine damage.
- Okay.
- And then for the Booming,
that's going to be a six.
- So you run up and you
come down with your sword
and he reaches up with
his hand to just catch it.
But as your blade hits
his hand it lodges in
and sparks kind of fly out from his hand
and as you pull your sword away
it reveals a metal skeleton underneath.
- Oh.
- Mattel yells at you, he
goes, get out of the way!
And he pushes his hand toward you
and you see a space near you on the ground
start to kind of form into a ball of flame
that suddenly, foom, expands.
And as this flame clears,
you see the Terminator
is now half of his skin
has been completely burnt and melt off
and you see with a red eye
underneath half of his face,
half is a machine.
And the Terminator then
dashes up to Mattel
and grabs him by the neck, picks him up,
and just smashes him down into the ground
and the tiles shatter and it
creates a little mini crater.
He then takes one of the
cafeteria tables with one hand
and just smashes down
on Mattel repeatedly.
Suddenly he stops and he turns,
and he looks at all of
you and the lights go out.
Then suddenly the lights come back on
and you find yourself in a boiler room
illuminated by an eerie red ambience
and steam bursts from the
pipes throughout the room.
- Okay.
- It's just you four.
- Are we in a hot springs?
- It's like a dungeon at the
bottom of our school, maybe?
- Yeah.
- Was that one of those robots
y'all were talking about?
- Actually, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it was.
Great guess.
- I don't like 'em.
- Yeah, that one probably no.
- Wolf, you feel like you
hear a clanking behind you
and then you turn around just
as a man with a wrinkled face
and a hat with a striped red sweater
and long claws off of his
fingers makes a swipe at you.
You instinctively jump back
as his blades just miss you.
And it's now Heather's turn.
- Okay, I don't think
this counts as an action
but I would like to do pull out my guitar
and I play a chord and
I use inspiring leader
and I choose up to six allies,
so it's myself, Daniel,
Artemia, and Ramona.
And I say, essentially like, listen,
we're going to have to probably fight
a lot of fake characters
that are from movies and TV right now,
but we're here for a reason
and I truly believe in us.
We're gonna rock this world
and get back home, wherever that is.
And, and so with that, I'm
assuming I can do this,
each of us gains a temp
nine health per short rest.
That doesn't count as an action, right?
Or it does?
- It technically does.
You didn't get to do anything
last turn, just go ahead.
We're having fun here.
- Yeah, we're just having here,
we're just having like a lot of fun.
Okay, well then I would like to cast
another acrid acid arrow.
- Okay, roll to hit.
- Yeah.
Ooh, yeah, 24.
- That hits.
- Nice!
And it's gonna do 14 damage.
She's like, woo.
- The acid arrow flies and
as it hits him and explodes
in this spread of acid it
eats away at his sweater
and the wrinkled mangled
skin underneath. (growls)
Let's out an angry, threatening yell
and he holds up his blades
and begins to kind of charge at you guys.
Artemia, you're up, what do you do?
- Oh, well I'm kind of
fan girling right now
'cause it's him, I'm so excited.
But you're also going to try
to kill me, so screw you!
Okay.
Is he, let's see, nah,
I can't do all that fancy healing stuff
or anything like that
so I'm gonna have to go
with the short sword.
- Okay, go ahead and roll to hit.
- 22.
- That hits.
- Sorry.
(laughing)
- Roll damage.
- I do.
Damage is seven.
- You take your sword and you do one swipe
and you cut his hat right
in half on top of his head
and then you stab into him into his body
and he lets out another cry.
And once again, you know,
threatens with this blade,
not so much in an attempt
to kill you efficiently,
but more so just be terrifying
before he hurts you.
Ramona, you're up.
- Is he distracted and not
looking at me at the moment?
- Yes.
- Perfect, so I want to try
and sneak my hunting trap
into where he will step next.
Stealthily if you will.
I would like to try and put it down
and it's gonna need to succeed
on a DC 13 Dexterity saving throw
or take one D4 piercing
damage and stop moving.
- Okay, sorry, What was the,
it was a Dexterity saving throw of?
- 13.
- Oh, big fail.
So he steps into it, so he rolled a two.
So you throw it down
your trap in front of him
as he is charging at Artemia and, goosh,
his leg gets caught and
he lets out a scream
and then suddenly you all,
how much damage was it, sorry.
I wanna make sure I get it.
- It's one D4.
- Do you want roll that?
- One D4 piercing damage.
- Okay.
- Almost dropped it, but I didn't.
All right, that's two.
- Damage, all right.
He lets out a cry and then
suddenly the lights go out again
and you all wake up on the
floor of the cafeteria.
And as you again rise to your feet
you see that Kenner is still over Mattel,
but he now is in the form of Freddy still
and he had you in a dream state.
And now we go to Daniel.
He's still on top of
Mattel, what do you do?
- How close is he to me?
- He's within 30 feet.
- Okay, so would my action reach him
or would I need to move
near him to make an action?
- You could reach him.
Okay, all right, so then I
get up and I stare and I say,
I am so sick and tired of
people messing with my reality.
And he comes down with
another Booming Blade.
- All right, he likes that
Booming Blade, I'm a fan.
- It's really great,
yeah, it's a good cantrip.
But this does not hit this time
because I swung for a, let me see, 12.
- But you have inspiration.
- Oh yeah, so I'll use
inspiration to see if I got,
I keep forgetting I have it.
Oh, this one is much
better, thank you, Kelsey.
And that's a 19.
- Yay!
- That hits.
- All right, so we're just
going to roll this one
and that's gonna be eight
damage with my long sword
and with the spell itself
it's going to be six.
- All right, you run up and
you stab with your sword
and you actually hit right
in the red robot eye of the Terminator,
just shatters his eye completely
and his face is now
sparking uncontrollably.
We then go to Mattel who takes
this opportunity to rise up
and he grabs Kenner and
charges and pushes, like dives,
and he pushes him through
a cinder block wall,
just gush, gush, they
dive and break through
and this cloud of dust
settles and you follow
and you step into this
completely black room
that you know to be the science lab.
And then suddenly,
all of the Bunsen burners
in the classroom light up
and Mattel stands in the
middle, looking around.
But Kenner is nowhere to be found.
- Are you okay?
- He he shakes his head yes but
he looks incredibly beat up.
Can someone, actually, can
you all roll Perception?
- Okay.
- Oh yeah.
- There it is.
- 13.
- 22.
- I rolled a six.
I'm in a room.
- Heather, you walk in first
and you go, are you okay?
And as you walk in you hear a faint growl
and you all look up to the ceiling
and glistening in the flickering light
hanging on the ceiling
is a horde of Xenomorphs.
And they all drop down and
begin attacking each one of you
with their tails in their bites.
(dramatic music)
- Everyone gets hit.
All right, so the swarm
of Xenomprphs drop down
and begin thrashing into
you, dealing, oh boy,
18 damage each.
- Oh, ha.
- They dig into your flesh
and they cut you with their razor tails.
Heather, what do you do?
- I look around and I ask my friends,
who's the most injured?
- Who looks the worst, what's
everyone got right now?
- Who looks the worst right now?
- I'm at 20 hit points.
- I'm at 23 out of 50.
- I'm at 28 so y'all take care
of yourselves, I got this.
- Jenny?
- I'm at 45.
- Okay, I cast Healing Word on
myself, so I'm gonna do that.
And I'm gonna heal five of my own damage.
And then I'm gonna see
if I have a bonus action.
Can I as a bonus action
like hide behind a thing,
maybe like a desk or something?
To just get myself out of harm's way.
- Yeah, absolutely, you can
disengage and do that, yeah.
- I'm gonna disengage and do that.
- So you do that and
then as that's happening,
Artemia, can you make
a Strength roll for me?
- Yes.
22.
- 22, ooh, you know, usually
that's a really good roll,
but they rolled real well.
Suddenly they kind of swarm
you and knock you to the ground
and they bite you by the clothing
and drag you out of the
room through the doorway
and through the double
doors of the gymnasium
across the hall.
- No way though.
- You all, do you follow?
- Yes.
- Okay, so you all run into the gymnasium
and all of the lights
with the exception of the
red emergency lights are on.
And as you step in you no
longer see any Xenomorphs
but you see Artemia laying
kind of on the ground
near the door of the gymnasium.
And then there in the center,
kind of with its head against the ceiling,
kind of hunched over so not
to break through the roof
is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
And he takes his fist and he
smashes it down above you.
Can you all make a Dex save?
- Yes.
- 26.
- That's going to be 18.
- I didn't, did you say,
what's yours, Kelsey?
Oh, I can't hear you, Kelsey.
- 23, sorry.
- Okay, great, so all of you,
with the exception of Ramona and Mattel
managed to dive out of the
way, but you two are crushed,
taking 20 damage each.
- Oh.
- And then suddenly as he punches down
there's a humongous cloud of dust
as this crater is made in the ground.
And as the dust clears Mattel and Ramona
are both on the ground barely moving
and Kenner is back in the
center of the gymnasium
in his human form with
Heather's dad next to him,
frozen mid pancake bite.
I hope you don't mind,
I thought your dad might be interested
in your extracurricular
activities, Heather.
Now, I don't want to hurt
you, this isn't your fight.
And he reaches out his hand
and suddenly Ramona is
healed 20 HP and gets up.
So, be good children and walk away.
And if you try to stop me
I will kill your father.
Kenner walks up to the crater,
Mattel's lying motionless.
Still breathing, still
conscious, but motionless.
And he places his hands
onto Mattel's chest.
Kenner's hands turned to light
as he plunges them into Mattel.
And you see particles start
to crawl up Kenner's arms
and circle around his body
and you realize that Mattel
is quickly disintegrating.
Mattel lets out a cry
as you see him muster
his last bit of strength.
He lifts his hand, clenches his fist,
and then motions violently towards you.
As he does, you see a rift in reality
hurtling up from the basement below,
devouring everything in its path.
It flies right at you
and before you can react
you see reality start to collapse
into a single point in front of you.
The last thing you make out
is Kenner channeling
Mattel's dissolved body
into a glittering black jar
and then blinking out of existence.
And you begin falling through
blackness, infinite blackness,
up becomes down, left becomes right.
You see no colors at all yet
you see every color purely.
In your mind, you hear horses whinnying,
you hear swords clanking,
and you're falling just as you did before
through the same rift
that you did at first
and then suddenly, nothing.
You open your eyes and you're
in the same town square
where you first arrived,
you're sure of it,
The layout is exactly the same.
Except you're sitting
on a bright green lawn
and you look around and realize
it's now a park with a
water fountain in the center
and there are benches all
around, the surrounding buildings
are now made of stone,
brick, and concrete.
And in particular you notice an old man
in an Adidas tracksuit
sitting on a nearby bench.
He stares straight into your eyes
and without breaking
contact begins to stand.
As he gains his footing he
points a shaky finger at you,
opens his mouth and says.
- Don't you do it.
(Mitch shouts)
(bells ring)
- And that's our session.
- Well, Mitch, you did it again.
Thanks for that emotional roller coaster.
- Why I outta.
- The final episode next week.
- Yeah, so the finale is next week.
Thank you so much,
Krystina, for being here
and for playing with us.
I loved meeting Ramona,
so much fun trying to navigate the 80s.
For our audience, thank
you so much for watching.
Make sure to follow on Twitch,
turn on those notifications
so that you do not miss the finale,
which is airing next week,
same time, same place
at 3:00 PM Pacific Standard Time
on Twitch.tv/BuzzfeedMultiplayer.
Make sure to follow
@BuzzfeedMultiplayer on socials
and use the hashtag the Dungeon Club
for all fan art tweets, et cetera.
And thank you guys so much for watching,
this has been a crazy ride,
I can't believe it's
almost over, season one.
What does Mitch have for us next?
If this is the episode before the finale
and you already made me
cry I don't exactly know
what we're going to get up to next episode
so I cannot wait.
(speaking in foreign language)
See you guys next week.
I hope my emotions can handle
it and roll those credits.
(laughing)
- I'll be back
(calm music)
♪ Three kids in high school
get in a food fight ♪
♪ Principal sends 'em to detention ♪
♪ It's just a normal day in the 80s ♪
♪ There's something I didn't mention ♪
♪ See that old janitor
starts actin' weird ♪
♪ And throws them all in a closet ♪
♪ They fall through a portal ♪
♪ Into this bright little
world in which they deposit ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ No duh ♪
♪ No dice ♪
♪ Your move ♪
♪ Let's fight ♪
♪ Goblins and ghouls, knights in armor ♪
♪ Mystical, ruthless, and savage ♪
♪ You wanna defeat them, you
find out what's your damage ♪
♪ Choose your weapon, cast a
spell, roll the dice and rule ♪
♪ But at the end of the day
you gotta get back to school ♪
♪ Oh yeah, all right ♪
