http://Scene-RLS.net
Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10
Cats Does Countdown Best Bits,
the show about letters, numbers,
conundrums
and all the best bits from the last
season,
or, as I like to call it,
We All Wanted A Holiday.
Let's get started.
OK, let's meet tonight's players.
First up, it's Jon Richardson.
I'm not saying Jon's an unwelcome
Christmas guest,
but every time he opens one of the
doors on his Advent calendar,
the chocolates pretend to be out.
Joining Sean tonight,
Richard Ayoade.
Richard is probably best known for
his role in The IT Crowd
as the socially awkward IT
technician, Maurice Moss,
a character based on the socially
awkward human being, Richard Ayoade.
Kathy loves being on her own and
doesn't see anyone on Christmas Day,
same as my nan, although my nan
doesn't like being on her own.
And over in Dictionary Corner, it's
Tom Allen.
Yeah!
Tom Allen is a comedian, actor and
writer, but you probably know him
best
from his work on popular children's
board game, Guess Who?
I like how you put your head down,
there, as if it's...
Yeah, cos I was playing!
Is he bald? No.
Just looking at the Brett Domino
Trio,
I know what the ladies at home are
thinking.
"No, thanks."
Was your mum annoyed
about the curtains, was she?
Henning Wehn is the most common
answer given
when British people are asked to
name a famous German,
no, not that one.
And who are you referring to?
He was Austrian.
He was Austrian? Yeah. Very good
point. Nothing to do with us.
Nothing to do with you? Yeah.
Nothing?
OK.
Henning did an exhaustive tour of
Great Britain in 2015.
In 2016, we voted to leave the EU.
Sara's a vegan and loves animals.
I also love animals, but they've
made it illegal,
so, I've got to keep quiet about it
now.
I think that's been illegal your
whole life.
I don't think there was a point in
your life...
I don't think up to the age of 27,
you were enjoying a consensual
relationship with a hamster,
and then, suddenly, the killjoys at
Westminster said, "Uh-uh-uh".
Is this why you wanted to leave
Europe,
cos you thought they're the
ones who were stopping you?
Yeah.
I would say...
..he wanted a piece of those
fat cats in Brussels.
Very nice.
OK, Sean, biggest achievement in
life?
Well, I think the money I embezzled
from the RNLI.
That feels like something I could
be interested in.
Yeah.
My greatest achievement must be
Rectum Of The Year.
Not... Not Rear Of The Year. No,
that's different, yeah.
This is Rear Of The Year with the
gloves off.
I knew I'd won when I...
..I heard three of the judges
throwing up behind me.
I thought, "Oh, God, I've got this
in the bag."
Sure, sure.
I beat Fearne Cotton.
Hers, let me tell you,
hers is pretty messed up.
You're making me have trouble
speaking!
And then, of course, that got...
..that got me through to the Worlds,
so, I went to the World Finals
in Cancun.
Cancun? I thought, "I'm going to win
this." Stop it!
Then, Diego Maradona beat me.
Oh.
When he'd bend over, he'd set the
sprinklers off.
Aisling, have you got a mascot?
Well, yes, Jimmy.
I am really going to try hard today,
and I know that it's all about the
three Cs,
comedy, counting
and spelling, and...
My mascot is just down here,
so, Lil Dicky,
if you wouldn't mind covering for me
for two seconds. Wow.
You've got the small-talk guy right
here.
Yeah, just...
Done now, Richard, it's all fine.
So...
..they say, Jimmy, dress for the
job you want,
not for the job you have.
Bonsoir, Rachel.
And so, this is me for the maths.
40 - 60.
Well, obviously, that can't be done,
it's impossible.
And then, for the old, er...
Cos it's not just about numbers,
is it, Rachel?
Well...
OK.
It's also about words, Susie!
Wow! It's me, Susie Dent!
I think any impression that starts
with the name of the person
you're doing is great.
And then, obviously, you can't just
focus on numbers and words, can you?
It's also about having
a couple of jokes,
so, I thought who better to emulate
than my hero...?
It looks like Susie Dent has gone
lesbian, is what it looks like.
Funny you should say that, Jimmy,
cos that's how people talk about you
behind your back.
It's me, Jimmy Carr!
Hey, why did the chicken cross the
road?
Cos your mum's fat!
I liked it.
Alan, have you got a mascot tonight?
Yes, right.
Oh!
I DID have a mascot. No.
Now, you know I love
coming on this show.
Sure.
And I thought, kids today, they're
struggling with obesity
and illiteracy, ain't they?
So, I want to fight these...
what I call the two Fs,
fat and fick, yeah?
So, I've done Alan Carr Countdown
Alphabet Spaghett.
And so, these have got vowels in
and these have got consonants.
They can help people to read and
stuff, and write and make up words.
OK.
Also, I hope you don't mind, Susie,
but I've used your image on the
back, "as eaten by Susie Dent".
Ah.
So, what do you want to do, then?
Do you want to have a go? Yeah,
I'll have a go.
Two vowels, seven consonants.
So, you want how many vowels?
Two...two vowels.
So, then, you pick them all out and
you make a word.
Right, OK, so...
Can you help me, love? Help me make
a word.
No.
What a lovely team-mate. Thank you!
Right, we've got B, O...
Is that a T?
BOT! We've got BOT.
BOT, that's a word.
You got BURPY, there. Oh! I got...
Can you turn that around so we can
see it? BOTTY BURP.
Turn it around. Just tilt it
towards...
Who do I do this to?
I don't know where it is!
It's like I'm offering it to a god!
There it is.
A word god!
Take it, take it!
BOTTY BURP. Thank you.
Kevin, now, who's the most famous
person you've ever met?
Barack Obama.
There we go. That's true.
Oooh!
So, how did you meet?
How did your paths cross?
I was asked to perform for Obama.
They phoned me up, "Barack Obama's
in Scotland, Kev.
"He needs a chuckle."
I'm the guy they draft in.
I met Nicole Scherzinger recently,
from the Pussycat Dolls.
"Don't cha!" Her.
Yeah, the Don't Cha lady, yeah.
And it was just me and her in the
room for a couple of minutes,
and I thought
I better say something,
and, uh, football is always a good
icebreaker, and I...
Oh, yeah.
With any of the Pussycat Dolls.
I told her that I'm a Celtic fan,
and we used to have a South Korean
right back called Cha Du-ri,
and we used to sing, "Don't cha
wish your right back was Cha Du-ri?"
And she never laughed,
she just sort of...
She just picked up her phone and
started texting.
"Who the fuck am I being left alone
with?"
I was once in the library at
college with a friend of mine,
and he was reading the sports pages
in the paper and started chucking,
and I said, "Oh, what's making you
laugh?"
And he went, "How many people in
the South African football team
"do you think are called Hitler?"
There was someone in the South
African football team called Hitler!
It's not Hitler's fault
he's really good at football.
I mean, I still love watching
some of Hitler's goals.
I'm sorry.
He was a bloody acrobat.
A dreadful human being,
but an amazing...
I'm trying to think up a position
now.
Got to be right wing, innit?
Right-wing back, yeah.
Jon, do you have a mascot?
Yes, I do, Jimmy.
I'm a big fan of the smash hit
Channel 4 show, Naked Attraction.
Its working title is, of course,
The Low Point Of Human Evolution,
but...
How come you never got to host it?
My only issue with the show is that
I don't think you need to see
someone's cock and balls to
understand the person.
I think you can just see someone in
their socks
and know everything you need to
know about that person.
So, as a result, I've devised a new
show.
It's called Soxual Attraction.
So, let's have a quick game of
Soxual Attraction.
Wow, this just looks fantastic.
So, we've got three gentlemen in
here.
So, here, you can see what I would
call the Wacky Sock.
This is someone with such a lack of
personality
that they have to wear it on their
clothes.
Let's have a look.
That's probably enough of him.
This is, and we see instantly,
there, Odd Socks.
Huge hole and dirty feet.
This would be just the lowest point
of the human race, really.
The sort of person you would dread
your daughter bringing home
if you were a father.
Pop that away.
And there, you can see that's just
a classic.
Looks like quite a cotton-rich
black sock, there, pulled up.
The guy's got respect for himself,
he doesn't want cold ankles.
I think we're expecting to see here
just sort of average, just a normal
guy.
Jon, did the...?
That was a lovely cardigan
he had on, wasn't it?
Did the last guy not have his cock
and balls out?
I think I would've noticed
if he had his cock out, Jimmy.
And that'll be on our screens...?
Sometime in the next never.
OK, let's Countdown, everyone.
This game is just for Sean and
Harriet,
so, Sean, your turn to choose the
letters.
Vowel, please.
I
And a consonant.
D
And a vowel, please.
O
Consonant.
C
And a vowel.
Is that what it is?
A
And a consonant.
R
And a consonant.
T
And a consonant.
B. Watch out!
And I think I'm going to have to go
for another vowel.
I
And your time starts now.
Yeah, just...
I've got to concentrate!
All right, so, how many?
Oh, my God!
I was concentrating so much!
Right.
How many?
Well, I don't know. How could you
not know?
Because I don't know
if they're words.
Listen, none of those are words,
love.
None of those are words.
As in Cardi B? Definitely a word.
That isn't a word, it's a name.
No, she's a singer. OK.
CARB. Is CARB a word?
Just checking, is that in the
singular?
It is, yeah.
Very good.
So, four. You got four.
Sean, four to beat.
Well, I think I'll plug for a safe
five, then.
Time now to go across to Dictionary
Corner.
Mr Swallow, what have you got
for us?
Um, I'm a massive, massive fan
of film scores,
always have been, always will be,
and in particular, the film scores
of John Williams.
Um, love all his music and stuff.
My absolute favourite one is
Jurassic Park.
Loved it as a kid,
still love it now,
so what I have done is basically
write
an accompanying libretto to the
score that summarises the plot.
I've done it for loads
of John Williams scores now.
Done it for Jaws.
# Ouch, ouch, ouch,
ouch, ouch, ouch, not me leg! #
It kind of summarises the plot.
I'll just do it now, right? OK.
Join in if you know it.
No-one knows it.
Here we go.
All right, I'm ready for it.
# Oh, no, what's that?
# Pardon, what's that? #
I'm playing two people. This one
just can't hear as well.
# Right over there
# Where?
# There
# Over there, see, see?
# Over there
# Oh, yeah
# I deep down hope that's not
what I think it is
# Shit
# Oh, my God
# They share the DNA of frogs
# What a good idea
# What a bad idea
# What could possibly go wrong?
# Electric fence is no defence
# For a dinosaur with teeth
# And Jeff Goldblum warns
of the dangers posed
# Then he goes and breaks his knee
# It's Jurassic Park
It's a massive park
# What could possibly go wrong?
# And we won't get killed, except
the great Sam Neill
# Who's obsessed, who's obsessed,
who's obsessed, who's obsessed
# Who's obsessed they evolve
# Into birds. #
I feel quite emotional.
I'll take that off there, now,
cos that's going to distract
everyone, innit?
Thank God that was up there,
cos I wouldn't have known what you
were singing.
Tiny... Everyone always fixates
on that.
"Oh, haven't the T-Rex got
tiny arms?"
I think you're missing the point.
That's like saying Delia Smith's got
grade two trombone.
Mr Swallow, everyone.
And here is your teaser.
The words are SPURT SIR.
The clue is -
legs in the air, please.
That's SPURT SIR -
legs in the air, please.
See you after the break.
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser, the words were spurt sir.
The clue was,
legs in the air please.
It was of course stirrups.
OK, Alan, Roisin, you get the first
pick of the letters.
Maybe a couple of letters from the
vowels. Yes. I can do that.
E.
And O. Can I have three consonants,
please?
R. I've got a J.
And an N.
And another vowel, please.
I. Another consonant?
Yeah, shall we?
L.
This is going to be terrible!
I know! What shall we have?
Let's have another two consonants.
R.
N.
OK, for the first time today,
here's the Countdown clock.
Alan, I can see what you
had for breakfast!
You're gawping like you've never
seen a camel toe before!
Shall we scissor off awkwardly,
never looking at the camera?
So, if you do it like that,
you never get them pregnant!
OK. Miles, how many have you got?
Five. Five. Perfect. Sean? Six.
Six, OK. Alan? Six. You've got six.
What about you, Roisin? Six. Six.
Roisin, I've never seen anyone look
smugger over having six.
It's tremendous.
I don't know if it's real.
You don't know if it's real? Yeah.
All right. Miles,
what was your five?
Loner. Loner. OK.
Sean, what was your six?
Rejoin. Rejoin.
Very good. Thank you,
it means a lot.
Alan? We got a bit like that.
We both got joiner.
Very good. Joiner.
Did we get it? Is it a word?
Six points for both teams.
Ivan, Susie,
could they have done any better?
Yeah, they could have done,
actually.
We got ironer and then loriner,
which is someone who makes stirrups.
Susie, can you confirm that?
Because... Yeah.
Maker of small bits for horses.
You know, like a loriner would.
Yeah.
Do you know, there is people
specially designed
to clean horses' willies?
Sorry? There's people
specially designed
to clean horses' willies?
There are people, their job is to go
and clean horses' willies.
Surely they do the rest of the horse
while they're there?
No, willies only.
They are heavily unionised!
Oi! Don't touch the arse!
Sorry, where did you
pick up this information from?
A friend of mine.
It was a comedian, actually.
Susie, you must know.
Is there a person that can...
Oh! You must know, Susie!
I've got no idea.
But I'm going to find out.
Why would you care
if your horse had a dirty willy?
Some people care about their horses!
See the horse that won
the Grand National today?
I mean, it was fast and everything
but what a dirty penis!
Makes you feel ashamed to be
British, doesn't it?
OK, Joe, have you got a mascot?
Yes, I have.
Could might mascot come
and stand next to me, please?
So, I need to be relaxed
when I play this game.
And so,
when the producers messaged me
and said, what do you want for a
mascot, I said, "I need a masseuse."
And they said,
"Fine. What sort of masseuse?"
So, I sent them an e-mail.
I'll read you the e-mail.
I said, "I want a masseuse
with firm palms and soft eyes,
"with a melancholy, a sense
of wonder, a thirst for the unknown.
"They must love their mother
with all their heart.
"They must have once killed a gecko
with a ballpoint pen.
"They have tested the crisp sea air
on the French Riviera.
"They're an ex-lover
of Charlotte Church.
"They've known and recovered
from the depths of heartache.
"They've crushed the head of a robin
with their fist.
"They must have warm hands,
be full of love.
"They must make me their ragdoll
and punish me from above."
They said they couldn't do that
so, this is Deborah.
Right, now time for Joe
and Aisling to go head-to-head.
Aisling, your turn to pick
the numbers. Woohoo! Here I go!
Could I have, err...err... One
from each corner, please, Rachel?
Yep. And then two from the middle.
That'll do. Yeah.
3. 6.
2. 5.
75 and 50. Oh, shit.
And the target, 961.
Oh, give up!
Miles away! Your time starts now.
OK, the target was 961.
Joe, did you get it?
Err... 1,000.
Aisling, did you get it?
Yes, Jimmy, I got it, yes.
So, tell us what you did.
I took the 75 there...
And I timed it by six.
Of course you did, my dear!
And I got 450 there. Add the three.
The what, sorry?
The three. There is a tree!
And times that by two.
Multiplied it, did you?
And then, what does that get you?
Well, Rachel, you can
get it from there, can't you?
I don't want to patronise the girl,
Jimmy!
906. Of course.
And then just add on the five
and the 50 there.
And so, you get yourself...
No, you've run out of room,
it doesn't count.
So, you get, erm... 9...
The clue really would be the number
that's written up there! 61!
Yes!
She's only bloody gone
and done it!
OK, before we can have another game,
it's time for a quick bonus round.
It's the return of Carrot in a Box.
That's right. The bluffing game
no-one was asking for is back!
Yeah. So, Sean, John,
come and join me
in the Carrot in a Box
gameplaying area.
All right, Sean? Yeah. You seem
very confident walking up here.
I'm in the Thunder Dome!
OK, the rules of Carrot in a Box
are simple.
You both have a box but only
one of the boxes has a carrot in it.
The aim of the game is to end up
with the carrot.
It's a game of bluff.
Now, for anyone who didn't see this
the first time round,
this is what happened when
we first played Carrot in a Box.
Do you want to keep your box
or swap your box?
I can keep this or I can have the
box that's definitely got a carrot?
Yes. I want Sean's box.
Can I just say at this point,
if there is no carrot in that box,
you are a genius!
Let's swap boxes, swap boxes.
You are now allowed
to look in your box.
Right.
And I believe you can reveal...
Point it the other way.
Does it contain a carrot or not?
There's no fucking carrot.
You are the winner, congratulations.
Does that bring back painful
memories?
No, I'm not bothered.
Just a shitty game about a shitty
carrot in a shitty box, isn't it?
So, you're not after revenge?
It's not in my lexicon.
But, I would love to fuck this guy
over right now.
Sure. Sean, do you think
you can beat John?
No!
I fancy me some carrot!
OK. Sean, in a moment I'm going to
ask you to look in your box.
If you don't have the carrot,
you have to then bluff John
into giving you his box.
But ultimately,
John has the choice
of whether he keeps his box
or swaps it with you.
Sean, you want a carrot.
John, you really want a carrot.
But there is only one carrot.
Let's play Carrot in a Box.
Can I? Yeah, you can look
inside your box now.
What?
Just watching you, mate. Just to see
if you got a carrot or whether...
Just have a...
Have a little peek and see
if there's a carrot in there.
Ooh.
Sean, are you happy with your box?
Do you want to swap your box
with John?
John, it's your decision.
I mean, ultimately,
it doesn't fucking matter, does it?
Oh... It does to you, though.
I don't know,
because you've never won
so, you don't know what it
feels like.
You want my box?
Please take my box.
Which one do you want? You want
to keep yours? You want his?
If I had a carrot in my box...
John, I'm going to push you
for an answer.
I mean, it doesn't matter.
We're not swapping boxes.
Oh, he didn't like that, did he?
Or did he? Or did he?
Is that his liking it face?
You'd have to ask my wife!
She doesn't know!
We're not swapping boxes. OK.
That's the box I was dealt by God.
OK, you've decided
not to swap boxes.
John, would you like
to look in your box
and see whether you've made
the right decision.
Is there a carrot in there?
You want a carrot.
You win if there's a carrot.
You're the winner, not the loser,
if there's a carrot.
Is there a carrot in that box? Yep.
Jimmy, do you think
there's a carrot in my box?
No, I don't think there is.
I think you've been beaten again.
What's that you've got there, Sean?
Can I ask, Joe,
have you got a mascot this evening?
Yeah, I've been
working on a book about the show,
it's about what goes
on behind the scenes on the show
and it's called
Countdown Behind The Scenes,
A Living Hell!
On the front it's got
a picture of a clock burning.
On the back, I just put
a picture of the back of my legs.
I've also done an audiobook of it,
on cassette.
So, I thought
I could play you a bit.
See if you like it.
I just randomly...
'And I tell you who is a proper bell
end, that Jimmy...' Hold on.
'Rachel Riley does a frightening
amount of poppers.'
'Countdown was the first programme
to be aired on Channel 4.' Nice.
'And 73 series have been broadcast
since 1982.'
'All right, Joe. Oh, God.
Hello, Susie. What do you want?
'Can I leave all these toilet rolls
I've nicked in your dressing room?
'Err, no.
I'll have to report you to security.
'Oi, listen here,
you BLEEP little BLEEP face.
'You BLEEP tell anyone
'that I've nicked
all these BLEEP toilet rolls,
'I'll BLEEP rip you
a BLEEP BLEEP hole.
'You BLEEP hear me,
you BLEEP little BLEEP? Yes.
'Good. Now BLEEP off.'
And here is your teaser.
The words are grim Alan.
The clue is, he's quite disturbing.
That's grim Alan.
He's quite disturbing.
See you after the break.
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser. The words were GRIM ALAN,
the clue was -
he's quite disturbing.
It was, of course, ALARMING.
OK, Alan, I believe you became
a married man this year.
Yes, I got married. Congratulations.
Yes.
Yeah!
Do you want to hear all the details?
I want all the details. OK.
I'm made of questions right now.
Oh, my God.
Well, listen, he asked me to
marry him in Lombok.
Where's Lombok? It's in Indonesia.
You know homosexuality's
illegal over there? Wow.
So he got down on his knees
and said, "Will you marry me?"
And I said, "How dare you?
I've never been so insulted,"
slapped him.
I like the fact you said,
"Got down on his knees,"
not one knee. Oh, he's a dirty sod.
He's a dirty sod! Nice.
Yes, if Lombok's a-rocking,
don't come a-knocking, anyway...
And listen, you don't
want a gay marriage in Indonesia,
cos the confetti's rocks,
do know what I'm saying?
So how long...how long
have you been married now?
How long have you been...?
Oh, how long? June...
When's this going out?
Should I just say it
and then you dub it in?
..months.
Well, it also gets repeated a lot.
Yeah! Oh, shit, yeah.
Oh, we'd better do
a contingency version. Yeah.
So you recently got divorced?
Yes.
Yeah!
OK, Sean, you're a...
you're a wise man.
If you were on Mastermind,
let's say,
what would be
your specialist subject?
I'll be honest,
I don't really like quiz shows.
This is community service,
obviously.
You can't see his ankle tag,
but that is true.
No, I think I'd do Sean's
passwords between 19...
..98 to 2008.
Or be really precise and, like,
Allied Carpet closures
from 1975 to 1976.
I know what I'd do, actually.
John Humphrys is sat there.
I'd do the history
of British prostitutes...
..and the answer
to every question would be...
.."your mum".
So, Sean,
your turn to pick the letters.
Can I have a consonant, please?
Thank you, Sean.
W
And another consonant, please.
T
Consonant, please.
N
And a vowel.
I
Another vowel.
A
And another vowel.
E
And a consonant.
L
Consonant.
B
I'll have a consonant.
And the last one, C.
OK, and your time starts now.
Aww!
I'll have another...
Can you grab them?
Have another... Hang on.
I'm getting back in...
Have another dart at it,
and take it
a bit more seriously time.
Come on, come on.
Oh! Yes!
Golf!
That's golf, everyone.
Richard, how many letters?
Well, look,
given that there was a five...
Yeah. ..I have a definite six,
I feel.
OK. So, what was your five, Sean?
Do you know what I like about
this look on Richard,
if you don't mind me saying,
babes? Sure.
Is that, very much like
your movie... White Chicks.
Yes. Let's keep it relevant. Yes.
..this looks very much like
you dressing up as a sort of,
like, girl who's like,
"Oh, I don't know, I could never
"go out with anyone
on the football team."
Exactly.
But then, like...
There's a transformation.
Oh, my giddy aunt! I know.
I think...
Thank you.
Awooga!
OK, Sean, what's your five?
DIVER. David, your six?
As in, possessing hair. Mm.
Could you use that in a sentence?
"The... The red-haired man
walked into the room and said,
" 'Why the fuck
are you questioning my word?' "
Is it in there?
The angry red-haired man.
Yeah, it is.
Curly-haired, red-haired.
It is! Well, of course
it's in there, it's a word.
Now, Susie Dent,
could they have done any better?
You could have DIEHARD for seven.
You're going to kick yourself,
Susie.
you could have had DIEHARD 5
if you'd put the V on.
OK, time now to go across
to Dictionary Corner.
Nick, what have you got for us?
I'm going to do a, er...a poem.
I'm going to do a poem to music.
Or... Or a song.
It's just a song.
# Me and you forever
# Watching Jaws together
# Swimming with the dolphins
# Stroking goats in petting zoos
# Hiking up a mountain
# Fucking by a fountain
# Finding you a toilet
# When you're desperate for the loo
# Going Interrailing
# Take each other sailing
# Riding bikes in Amsterdam
# And pissing in the Louvre
# Having dinner parties
# Teaching me Pilates
# Finish off my...
# Finish off my...
Sentences?
# Finish off my...
Sentences? Words.
# Finish off...
Everybody!
# Finish off my...
Sentences.
Fucking hell.
# Fin...
No, you've got to stop the song.
I have never, ever...
I've never, ever done that before
with such an apathetic group
of people that haven't joined in
with the fucking sentences bit!
I've done this... I've done this,
like, over three times nationally,
all right?
And then I'm recording it now
for telly!
You should all be
ashamed of yourselves right now.
And you, Sean, you said "words"!
Finish off my fucking words?
I'm absolutely livid right now!
Is this...?
Don't you fucking chime in, Jimmy.
I'm not in the mood right now.
# Having dinner parties
# Teaching me Pilates
# Finish off my... #
Sentences.
# Finish off my... #
Sentences.
# Finish off my... #
Just join in!
Sentences.
# Finish off my... #
Sentences!
# And I can do yours too
# Eating fancy dinners
# Wishing we were thinner
# Forgetting it's your birthday
# Then I lose your favourite spoon
# Hogging all the duvet
# Talking through a movie
# Tolerate each other's friends
# On holiday in June
# Running through a meadow
# Building you a chateau
# Teach our dogs and cats to dance
# Then train them in kung fu
# Me and you forever
# Never leave me, never
# Here's a little list of all
# The things we'll never ever do. #
Beautiful.
Thanks.
Oh, well done, guys. First time.
Nick Helm, everyone.
And here is your final teaser.
The words are RAD MINGE,
the clue is - I do it in bed.
That's RAD MINGE - I do it in bed.
See you after the break.
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser, the words were RAD MINGE.
The clue was, "I do it in bed."
It was, of course, DREAMING.
Right, before we go on with the
show, he doesn't work here any more,
but he keeps on turning up.
It's Joe Wilkinson.
All right, Jimmy?
What...what are you wearing, mate?
What? You mean my new trainers?
Yeah, nice, ain't they?
Got them from George at Asda.
No, I mean the rest of it.
Oh, right, yeah.
Um, well, you know I'm bang
into my fashion.
And, er, so I've brought out
my own fashion range.
I make all my outfits out of things
I find in and around my house.
You probably can't tell, but, um...
..this waistcoat is actually made
out of my front and back door.
The only downside is my house is
being broken into
a hell of a lot more.
But I've got other outfits,
do you want to see them?
Pablo? Let's show them this one.
Come on, mate.
It's, um, it's a pair of shoes
I designed.
The only downside is now we
have to shit in the garden.
And, er, probably should have
flushed them first.
Sorry about that, Pablo.
Raul, let's show them
the next one, mate.
Again, this is an outfit I've made
from bits and bobs
I had in the house.
You've got a dog shit bin
in the house?
Oh, that reminds me, I've added
a little accessory to this.
I've added, um, sleeve tassels.
It's a lovely little feature.
Er, what next?
Oh, yeah. Let me guess. You
made an outfit out of your fridge?
Er, don't be a fuckwit, Jimmy.
This is just my fridge.
That's how I found my half-brother,
Fabio, when I woke up this morning.
Er, we think...we think he climbed
in the fridge during the night
and kicked his feet out the top.
He does things like that,
cos he's a fucking idiot.
I just really fancied
a Muller Fruit Corner. Um...
Let's play Countdown!
OK, so, Sean and Katherine have 31,
Jon and Joe have 35.
This is going to be a crucial
Countdown Conundrum.
Fingers on buzzers.
Your time starts...
..now.
Aw!
I mean, yes, you have!
What the fuck?!
Jon, talk us through where you are
right now, in terms of smugness.
I will not be able to
watch this show back
because I will have
to invent a time machine
to go back and punch my own face.
We're about there.
I'm slightly annoyed it was two.
What a team effort.
I think it's unfair,
cos they're nearer it,
they see it before us.
Those...those nano microseconds...
..make all the difference.
But if that was the theory,
you would win every letter
and number game.
No.
So the final scores are,
Sean and Katherine have 31 points,
but tonight's winners,
with 45 points,
Jon and Joe!
Congratulations, you are now
the proud owner of this,
the Countdown Basketball Net!
You guys want to play?
Have at it.
Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience,
and to all of you for watching at
home. That's it from us. Goodnight!
http://Scene-RLS.net
