But that’s how comedy works right?
Right now, some of these jokes might be bad.
But we will work on these jokes, make it better.
Two years down the lane, we will put it online.
It will go viral.
You guys will sit at home, you will watch
the video
And you will be like ‘Oh my God!!’
These jokes are still shitty! How is this
guy even famous?
That’s how comedy in India works.
But I recently realised that fame is very
important.
Because 2 months back, my ex girlfriend messaged
me after two years.
And she asked me, “Hey Navin, so you do
stand up comedy now right?”
And I said, “Hey Lalitha, don’t you remember
you broke up with me after watching my show?”
And she said, “Hey don’t remind me”
I said, “You don’t remind me!”
And then she asked me, “Navin, so do you
know Kenny Sebastian?”
I said, “Yes I know Kenny Sebastian”
And that’s the point I realised that I don’t
look like a person who knows Kenny Sebastian.
Cos the next question she asked me was “So
does Kenny Sebastian know you?”
I said, “Yes he knows me”
Then she asked me, “So do you have Kenny
Sebastian’s phone number?”
I said, “Yes I have his phone number”
And then she asked me, “So can you give
me his phone number?”
This is the point I got carried away a little
bit. So I told her
“See I don’t think it will be appropriate
for me to give you his phone number without his consent…
But since this is our first conversation after
a really long time, I don’t want to say a ‘No’ to you”
So I gave her the number and told her
“Hey please don’t tell him that I gave
the number”
And she became super excited. She was like
“Aww thank you so much, you are the best guy ever!”
And then she blocked me!
But it’s not the end of the story. Two weeks
later I found out that she messaged Kenny saying,
“Hey Kenny, I am a big fan of you. Blah
blah blah”
And Kenny was like, “Hey nice talking to
you, btw who gave you my phone number?”
And she replied saying, “I don’t think
it will be appropriate for me to tell you
who me your phone number…”
“But since this is our first conversation,
I don’t want to say a ‘No’ to you…
“Navin from Bangalore is the guy who gave
me your phone number!”
And Kenny was cool, he was like,
“That’s okay, He is a good friend of mine.
But there is a small confusion here …
This is not exactly Kenny Sebastion’s phone
number”
And then she was like, “Then whose number
is this?”
And the number replied saying,
“I don’t think it will be appropriate
for me to tell you who I am…”
“But since this is our first conversation,
I don’t want to say a ‘No’ to you…”
“I am Navin from Bangalore”
That extra Jio sim guys, use it properly.
That’s all I am saying.
But that’s the problem, I have been doing
this for four years.
And sometimes my friends ask me, “Navin,
when are you going to get famous?”
And I always tell them, “Dude just wait.
Until you die!”
Death is the ultimate solution to all our
expectations man.
Cos honestly I am not an over ambitious guy.
My ambition in comedy is to become the third
best tier II comedian...
In Indiranagar 1st block.
If that happens, I am a happy man.
Not just in comedy, I am an average Indian
guy who really loves his mediocrity in whatever I do.
Even as a teenager I used to love Harley Davidson.
So like any Harley fan in India, I got a Royal
Enfield.
And then I used to feel cheap about myself.
Only until I found a guy who was a big fan
of Royal Enfield.
So he got himself this bike called Bajaj Avenger!
This distant cousin of the Royal Enfield
Have you ever #bhjvfsghdg seen that shit?
And I don’t think it’s just me right?
Most of us are like me.
We wait for the release of iPhone 7 just to
get an iPhone 6s.
It’s like how we all had that one crush
in College who we really liked.
But then never approached, cos you thought
you were mediocre for them.
What you guys are all machos or what? I know
this happens.
But the worst thing is ten years later you
see their photo on Facebook with their spouse
And your immediate reaction is, “This mediocrity
is worse than my mediocrity”
A part of you dies inside right? You feel,
“I should have tried”
And I don’t think it is just as individuals.
India as a country sends people to olympics
to get us silver and bronze.
As a nation we are like, “Hey we don’t
need Gold from you!”
“We have dowry for that”
This is not even a joke, that’s why Marykom
wins a lot of Gold.
Because every time she walks into a ring,
she doesn’t see an opponent.
She see her in laws and she goes, “I need
Gold today!”
And then starts punching them crazily.
To be honest, the only one non-mediocre thing
I have done in my life is that…
I scored an All India Rank of 232 in IIT-JEE.
Yeah right, give it up for Narayana coaching
institute I guess.
My parents were super proud. They were like,
“Navin, you are the best son NOW!”
And then I woke up from the dream.
You guys really thought I am an IITian?
Don’t I look happy for you guys?
The worst thing is that the dream was real.
I had it in high school.
And what annoys me till date is that even
in the dream,
I didn’t expect to get an All India Rank
of 1, 2, 3…
Not even in the top 100.
232 was the magic number of my mediocrity.
And the worst thing is you guys clapped for
that number also.
The worst thing is that sometimes you are
happy with your mediocrity.
But the universe keeps reminding you of your
aukath.
I don’t about you guys, happens to me all
the time.
Like recently I wanted to get an iPhone.
And then I realised I don’t have the budget
for it.
So my friend told me, “Dude don’t worry,
get a one plus phone…
That is the next best thing. That is the distant
cousin of iPhone”
And I was like, “Okay cool”
I got a One plus phone. I unboxed it. I switched
it on.
And the wall paper said in block letters,”NEVER
SETTLE”
I was like, “Too late for this advice dude.
I got you because I settled…
What is this reverse marketing that your are
trying to do here?
Should I sell you right now?
And firstly ‘NEVER SETTLE’ is such an
anti national tagline for a country like India.
I am like, “If my parents find out that
your are asking me not to settle, they will get me an iPhone…
And a wife also probably.
And then I will be called ’One plus one’
Mediocrity is the only reason why I always
share my cabs.
Cos whenever I share my cabs, I am happier.
I will look at the other person. I will be
like, “This person got the car, this person
got the driver…
I just got a lift” And I can move on with
my life.
But whenever I take a cab for myself, I will
start having existential questions.
My brain will start shitting on me saying,
“Hey Navin…
Have you ever done anything worthy enough
your whole life to possess an entire automobile
and a human being for yourself for the next
one hour?
And then I have to change the drop location
to my therapist.
After the ride the driver is like, “Sir
please give me five star rating”
I am like, “Sir, you please give me some
forgiveness. I don’t deserve you at all”
Another important reason why I always share
my cabs is at least whenever I used to take
Ola share
Ola used to send a message that says, “Hey
Navin, say ‘Ola’ to your co passenger.
Followed by the name of the co passenger.
Normally if it is a guy, I wouldn’t care.
Even if it is a girl with normal names like
Neha, Hema,
Komalavalli.
Don’t laugh man, that’s a legit name.
My sister has it.
The problem is the last time I took Ola share,
my co passenger’s name was Sureshna Ghosh.
And honestly, guys have this super power.
Just by seeing the name of a girl, we can
say whether she is easily identifiable over
the internet or not.
So when I saw Sureshna Ghosh’s name, I did
the manliest thing possible.
I stalked her on Facebook.
And the cab stopped at a place where she was
supposed to get picked.
And I saw her approaching from the left.
And I wanted to be a gentleman, so I moved
from the left corner of the backseat to the
right corner of the backseat.
But that is when this driver turned back,
gave me a sarcastic smile, and then he opened
the front door.
See not I don’t want to lose this game to
a cab driver
just because he earns more than me, right?
So I immediately start a conversation with
Sureshna Ghosh
I called her and said. “Hey Sureshna Ghosh,
how are you?…
How are your parents in Kolkatta?
How is your work at Dell?
How are your trip last week to Munnar?
And again, guys do a lot of stupid stuff,
but sometimes it takes us less than a second
to realise that we are being stupid and unreasonable.
And that was my moment. I realised that I
was being stupid and creepy.
I was even ready to get a tight slap from
Sureshna Ghosh.
But that is when she did something worse.
She spoke back.
She was like, “I am good Navin. How are
you?…
How are your parents in Chennai?
Hey btw, do you have Kenny Sebastian’s phone
number?
