- As a man you must in
no way resemble a woman
 woman are ignorantly
 deemed weak,
 inferior and emotional
 therefore, a man can't be see
 embracing such characteristics
 especially not emotional which
 is understandable being that
the man is the protector and
provider for his family, right?
 Can being boxed
 in this conclusion
that men can't embrace
emotions be a hindrance?
 a man mustn't be weak,
and emotions are labeled
as weak and inferior
 yet anger and
 overbearing aggression
 is the only exception.
 Per Travis Bradberry
 and Jean Greaves
 authors of Emotional
 Intelligence 2.0
 as you move through
 your daily routine
 you are subject to a
 constant stream of emotions.
 How many emotional
 interactions do we
 disassociate ourselves with
 because we have an
 unhealthy relationship
 with our emotions?
 Would having authority
 over our emotional
 exposure and knowingly
 embracing anger.
 Isn't that a contradiction?
 - The tradition of
 masculinity for me
 specifically its
 about the qualities
 that are associated with men
 so that would be like,
 strength, emotional
 stability, financial freedom,
 financial security, and like
 how that manifests itself
 men aren't supposed to cry,
 men are supposed to be
 champions of their own sex
 and the sex of their partner
 men are supposed to
 be financially free
 and their supposed
 to be independent
 with their own goals and
 their finances and whatnot
like those are just the
things that I think of
 when I think of masculinity.
 - Me being raised,
 My father died when my mom was
 three months pregnant with me.
 So I never knew my dad
 but I had a step dad.
Who I had a really really
really rocky relationship with.
 So I didn't learn necessarily
 masculinity in the house
And although my step
father was abusive to me
 he did pay bills and make
 sure the bills were paid.
 So I think responsibility
 is a real big thing
when you talk about
traditional masculinity
 taken over, where the man
 who taught you provided
 for your family that
 you grew up in and
 as a boy child are supposed
 to be taught how to
 take over, how to come in
 and take over and handle a
 household, how to raise the
 children, so the qualities of
 masculinity or traditional
 for man to make,
 come from your, start
 with your childhood
and upbringing as as you
grow up, traditionally
 the man is the person, and
 everybody may not like it,
 but traditionally the man
 is the person in charge
 since the traditional
 masculinity is
 something that you
 have to make sure that
 you are providing examples
that everybody wants to
follow and I think that
 masculinity brings a
 character in a man and
when a man is masculine, people
feel a little more secure
with him you know they
value what he has to say
 so it's all about the
 mindset, that's what.
 - As a young boy
 growing to be a man,
 the traditional
 masculinity is a necessity
 but the question is when
 and how does the conversion
conclude into hyper-masculinity?
 The area of concern
 increases when you are not
 aware of the negative
 aspects provoked by social
 constructs imposed on what
 a man is supposed to be.
 - I think for me,
 traditionally, I'm along with
 what you both said, I
 think it also includes
 the idea that whatever
 I say goes, you know?
Having this perspective
of you know,
 being able to conquer
 whatever I do or
whatever I'm able to get
in to so, for example,
a man can get a job and
 this idea that because
 he is a man, it should be
 simple to learn certain things
 he shouldn't have
 condition with doing stuff.
 Even being in the community
 because the fact that
 you're masculine, you're a
 man, you should be able to
 say certain things and
 younger people, people who
are below you in age
or rank, look up to you
 just by the statue of who
 you are because you are a man
 you know what I mean?
 So things like that.
- I mean, based off on
what you said as far as
 I believe that my masculinity,
 I mean that's such a
 broad question, I mean
 because you don't know if
 that starts at birth or that's
 because you've got to be
 a whole dif- and I'll tell
 you guys, I'm 58 years old
 and I'm nothing like when
 I was 18 so when I was
 8 years old I can remember
 the abuse from my dad
that interrupted my masculinity
process but when I got
 18 years old and some
 other man in the community
 started working with me
 and teaching me what it was
 to be a man and I don't think
 that masculinity necessarily
 means what I say
 goes or do as I say,
I think masculinity
means understanding that
everybody in the family,
how I handled it in
 my family, is that everybody
 in the family had an
opinion, even the little babies
that you can't understand
you know instead of
hollering at her, try to
 figure out what she's
 saying and what the need is
 'cause that's what I think
 masculinity is all about
it's about taking charge
but it's also about
 understanding that you are the
 head patriarch of the family
you gotta become that
so, what being a man is
honesty, it's about
understanding that just because
 you can hit harder doesn't
 mean that you should,
 you know? Sometimes when men
 take on that 'do as I say
 not as I do' doesn't mean
 you're always right either
 so like if you take that
 rule, you may lead your whole
family wrong. You know?
 - Having power over
 your environment and
the power is centralized
by being able to make
 people do what you
 want them to do and
making stuff happen how
you want it to happen
 so, it basically finds
 a power in dominating
others and other things
and that's kinda like
 where it's centralized in
 people use money and
 finances as the pinnacle of
 being a man traditionally
 or a test of your
 masculinity or what not,
 that and your have sexuality.
Those are the main two.
 There's traditionally
 like where's the term that
 I float in, people
 don't acknowledge the
 rest of anything just
 as long as those two
 are secure by archaic
 standard then that can say
if you're a man.
 - And it's interesting too
 because I'm sitting here
and I'm a talker, I'm a
teacher, I do like teaching but,
 I'm sitting here and I'm 58
 years old, I think you're
 20-something right?
- I'm 25
 - 20-something, I'm thinking
 that you're 20-something?
 - Correct.
 - And you're 20-something,
 so you guys are going to be
 very much so in relations
 to what you talk about
 because you have that amount
 of years but you don't know
 what I'm talking about
 when I talk about 58 years
 unless you had that example
 in your household and
you watched older people
for real because I'm
 thinking past, even when
 you aren't thinking about
 because come 35, when you
 get married, when you have
 a baby, masculinity becomes
 a whole nother thing for you
 even that's when you
 even begin to really
 evaluate you're own
 sexuality and future,
 what your plans are because
 you got children now
and I'm not sure if any
of you all have children
 but it makes a big difference
 - I wanted to make the
 point because you guys said
 from your upbringing and
 your experience, you said,
that the role that the
man figure in your life
 your stepfather when you were
 young, his toxic behavior
 derailed your progress
 and your own manhood
 and I'm just thinking
 of my own experience
 I grew up in a single
 parent household with
 my mum being the head
 of our family and my
 grandmother taking on
 both like kind of the
 father figure and more
 so the mother figure
so, as I look back on my
own upbringing, I see it
as my first introduction
of a man in my life
was absence, however
looking back that didn't
 necessarily derail
 me from my manhood,
it gave me like my first
introduction to what
 a man could be but
 looking back on it,
 I learned pretty much
 the foundation of
 what I think a man
 should be, from my mother
 if that makes sense.
 So, I would say
 you don't necessarily
 have to have a
biological man in your
life in order to develop
 as a man, if that makes sense.
 - The society that
 we live in today,
there are opportunities
and you can use your
 skills to make money
 without ever even leaving
 your bedroom, so a lot
 of people do things
in this city, like a
lot of young men and men
 do things in this city
 because they stuck on
they don't know
 what a man is
so they
 just go based off a ideal
 that's just attached to
 you have to make something
 happen by any means but,
that comes with a lot of
details and fine print
it's like you don't just
make anything happen
 by any means and just you
 don't burn the world down
 just so you can gain
 something, like it's
a lot of stipulation
that come with that and
 a lot of people just
 get caught up in the
or at least I got
something or at least I
 made this money or at
 least I'm not him or
at least I can switch to
my outfits 3 times a day
 so it's like they get
 caught in a very vain things
 in order to try to
 validate the lack of
 contribution to the
 world, that's positive
 - Thank you.
- Can I get a kiss? As
you move throughout your
 daily routine, you are
 subject to a constant stream
 of emotions. How many
 emotional interactions do we
disassociate ourselves
with because we have an
 unhealthy relationship
 with our emotions
 With having the authority
 over our emotions and
 only embracing anger?
 Isn't that a contradiction?
- I mean, I feel like
it's being a protector,
 at least in my mind,
 I feel like it's
 being a protector and
 a provider, period.
 - I think, I think
 it has to do with
 the teachings that
 men were taught from
 more so, like the ones
 that kind of stuck around.
 So the teachers, they were
 taught back in the day and
then it kind of stuck so
like how men were taught
 like not to cry or you
 know, you're only supposed
to be a provider and
all things like that and
they just kind of stuck,
even now in the present
 day it's still like you're
 trying to get people
 you're trying to get men
 away from that kind of thing
 so, that's my opinion on that.
 - Similar to what Love
 said was about how men are
raised throughout their
family how they are
raised generationally,
like what we bring from
 one generation to the
 next generation to the
next generation.
 - Well, I think that
 it just all are like
 comes to surface,
 just like any person,
 I think it all comes to
 surface with behaviors like
 a lot of times, if
 you don't know how to
 properly deal with or
 handle your emotions that
 comes up where you
 have a lot of women or
 you're a cheater or
 you can't control your
 anger when it comes
 to so, I guess that's
 how I take it.
 - And like what she said,
 men having multiple women
 never really having
 a stable home or
a stable relationship
or just anything that's
 stable and I think
 that's how it shows up
 I think it's absolutely
 perfectly normal and okay
 for a man to channel their
 emotions, why wouldn't you
 want to channel their
 emotions, but I also think
 that it leads back to
 that first question
 that you asked us as
 in what is like the
 traditional when it
 comes to that and
 it was like I felt like
 from what I've learned from
 my grandad, was that they
 were basically taught
 not to channel those
 through talking so,
 when you don't talk about
 something or when you
 don't have a positive
 outlet, you let it out
however you can, it has
to come out and it's
 gonna come out and
 sometimes it comes out
 in a way that's not good.
- I have 4 sons, so I
raise my sons to express
their emotions contrary
even to their father's
 belief and standpoint
 on boys so,
I know a lot of men and
young men are taught
 not to cry, that it's
 not manly, that you know,
 you could be perceived
 as being weak or even
 feminine for crying
 and I always felt like
 that was just the stupidest
 thing because we're
 all human and we all have
 emotions for a reason
and so I think when me,
first of all I think
 men should most definitely
 express their emotions
all of them as best they
can and not be ashamed
 for how they feel and
 not be belittled or
 put down because they
 feel a certain way,
 I feel like men are,
men are very beautiful creatures
 and to deny them the
 right to express their
 god given emotion is
 silly and it creates
 men who don't know how
 to express themselves,
 it creates men who
 use other people as a
outlet as opposed to
being able to, you know
 express themselves, they keep
 their crying in then they,
 they don't know what to do
 with what is stuck up in there
somewhere so it's gonna
come out in a way that's
 not healthy for them
 or anyone around them
 but I definitely feel
 men need to have space to
 express all their emotions,
 they need to feel safe and
not judged and I believe
all that comes with them
loving themselves and
not really caring a crap
 what other people say
 about them and that takes
 some stuff that you gotta
 work through to be able to
do that.
 - When you don't have a
 positive outlet to let out
 the things that you hold
 inside, because they have
to come out in one way
or another because it's
just the way we're
programmed, you usually
channel it towards
what you think would be
more of a weaker subject
and usually women are
 the target of that,
 sometimes it's children and
 you know just things
 in the neighborhood or
 wherever you are
 but I do agree with
that statement.
 - [Off Screen] Yes, I agree
 also, I feel that any time you
are not able to express
yourself, or even before
expressing yourself, you
need understanding why
 you even feel what you
 feel, I think that is
 something else that could,
 what was I gonna say,
 yeah so when men don't be
 able to express themselves,
 some stuff can happen
 like they can be
 bottled up, they can
 be in situations that
 cause their emotions to come
 out at the inappropriate
 time, to come out at a
 time that's really not
relevant to the issue
at hand, there's always
 something deeper and
 sometimes we just see the
surface, but yes, I
think if they don't have
 the opportunity to express
 themselves and are not
 received in a certain
 way, no matter what their
 emotions that they're
 feeling that it can
have some repercussions,
some backlash.
- Yeah, I think that, I
think a lot of times for
me and because we don't
believe in this world
 were it's okay to
 express your emotions and
the only way to express
them that is okay is
 anger or exploding
 and so a lot of times
 it does, it affects us
 as women or whomever
 in a negative way
 and a lot of times,
 that comes out in
 anger and I think,
 like the ladies were saying,
 just having a positive
being able to express
yourselves in some way,
 shape or fashion is
 healthy for anybody.
- And that's something
that, you know, we have
 to work with our young
 folks too, I mean,
 when you look at what's
 happening in our schools,
 our young people are
 just so easily swayed
 into having to have to
 defend themselves because
 they're not confident
 in who they are and
what they represent and
you know, what I talk
to a lot of young people
you know, it's kind of
 that sense of well how
 can somebody take you off
 your piece when they
 don't know you? You know,
 and you can't let them
 control you based on what
 they think or what they
 perceive so you have to be
 you know, confident in
 yourself, you need to know
 who you are and what you're
 about because it just
 seems that's the way that
 a lot of our young people
 are existing nowadays
 particularly in the
 school environment
is, you know, they're
trying to look for where
they perceived as being
the weak one and then
 they'll pray on that
 individual and that's where
 the bullying and all
 those other things tend to
 come out and if you're
 confident in yourself and
 who you are, it's like hey
 you say what you want to say
but I'm good, you put
your hands on me it's a
 different story by
 you know, you can say
 whatever you want
 to say but you know,
 our young people when
 it comes to words,
they are giving words
so much value that it's
 troubling but again, if
 you can help young people
 really identify in who
 they are, they should
 they won't be able
 to spy if the-
 - It's the power in
 numbers, I think that's the
 biggest thing, you're dealing
 with someone at school
 and, remember when
 we went to go talk at
 - [Off Screen] Oh
 yeah high school-
 - High school yeah but
 we told people, you know,
 find a comfort within
 the people that you're
familiar with, like you
know, they don't have to
 like you to understand
 and what, so,
 it can be a lot of people
 in school, you know,
and you know the biggest
thing right now is
 not even just the face to
 face interaction, mainly
social media, you know,
it's a different form of
 bulling now, social media,
 so you know it's just
 I think definitely
 with kids it's more so
 that a point of maturing,
 you know hopefully
they can get themselves
out of it but some
 of them don't, you
 know what I mean,
or they're stuck in this
situation, not even a
 situation between like
 maturing but they're stuck
 in the committees that
 they live in that they
 don't have those resources
 to find people that are
 interested in the same thing
 that they're interested in,
 because the community is,
 so you know, it's a lot of
 stuff that goes hand in hand.
 - Masculinity means
 protecting, loving,
 nurturing, taking care of,
 possibly finance.
 - I think with dominance,
 it is kind of like
 almost like being a
 control freak situation so,
 naturally I feel like
 human beings are just not
anything really is meant
to be like controlled
 you know what I'm
 saying? But, the sense of
 masculinity to me is
 just taking care of
 business pretty much,
 make sure you're providing
 for your loved ones, for your
 family, you know what I mean?
 Also be somebody that can
 also guide them too, right?
So, that's what I feel.
- As a young boy growing
to become a man, the
 tradition of masculinity is
 a necessity. The question is,
 when and how does the
 conversion conclude to
 hyper-masculinity? The
 area of concern increases
when you are not aware
of the negative aspects
 provoked by social
 constructs imposed on the
 way a man should be.
(closing music)
