 
I'm Not Okay

By Mariska Dekker

Copyright 2015 Mariska Dekker

Smashwords Edition

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CHAPTER 1

"I want to be Barbie, Millie. You can be Ken." Cassandra is sitting in front of her dollhouse dressing the dolls up for her and Millie's game. She has many friends at school but Millie is her very best friend. In fact, they are inseparable. The dollhouse was a birthday present from her father for her tenth birthday a couple of months previously. It is a gigantic double-story house, fully furnished and painted a dazzling white. To Cassandra that birthday seemed unforgettable...

She woke up that specific morning to find a huge, gaily wrapped present waiting to her delight on the bedroom floor. Hastily she tore through all the paper to find her soon-to-be most prized possession inside. Cassandra adores her dad, she considers him to be her hero and Jonathan Bates in turn loves his daughter to distraction, so much so that he would give her anything her heart desires and in buying her this marvellous dollhouse proves this statement once again.

Cassandra just loves this dollhouse so much: the little yellow curtains her mother made for all of the windows, the lights her dad installed in all of the rooms of the house, the carpets she and her dad had cut out of the old carpet they had removed from the living room. The furniture inside were all white when she got the house but Cassandra and Millie painted all of the furniture as they pleased, one day they got dad's paint out of the garage. They were limited to black and brown paint and made a hell of a mess of things. Cassandra's mom was furious but her dad just laughed and promised that he would fix it. When Cassandra came home from school one afternoon she found all the furniture of her dollhouse beautifully painted in all her favourite colours: The bedroom cupboards and dresser were painted a pale yellow and white, the kitchen cupboards were red and black, the chairs in the living room were painted like Smarties; everyone a different colour. She is so proud of her dollhouse she wants to show it off to everyone who enters through the Bates' front door.

"Cassandra it's time to come and eat, go and wash your hands." The voice of her mother sounds from down the hall.

"Come on Millie let's go get lunch." Cassandra drags her friend by the hand towards the bathroom. Hastily she washes her hands, realizing just how hungry she felt. Her stomach made a little growling noise and this made Cassandra giggle. It also made Millie giggle. After drying their hands the two girls raced each other to join Cassandra's parents for their traditional Saturday lunch.

"Mom, why didn't you put a plate out for Millie?" Cassandra is upset with her mother, it's not the first time she ignores Millie and refuses to set a place for her at the table.

Her mom just rolls her eyes and gets up to go get a plate for the so-called best friend of her young daughter. She cannot for the life of her imagine why Cassandra has to be humoured in this ridiculous notion of an imaginary friend. But her father insists to indulge the child, anything to keep Cassandra happy.

Cassandra has a lot of friends at her school but she feels that none of them understand her as well as Millie does. The two of them never disagree about anything. Cassandra promised Millie that they will be best friends forever, no matter what happens and Millie in turn promised her that she would never leave her.

"Don't worry Cassie, I won't ever leave. She can't make me go away." she promised and to top it off stuck her tongue out at Cassandra's mother. Cassandra giggled at that but when her mother gave her a searching look she stuffed the tuna mayonnaise sandwich quickly into her mouth to stifle the sound. Her dad sees this and looks disapprovingly at his daughter.

"Sweetie, what did I tell you about eating too fast? You are going to get sick if you keep on eating so fast, your tummy will just explode." Said he, making an exploding sound which made his cheeks bulge outwards, "Besides, I don't think Millie gobbles her sandwiches like a piggy. Look, she hardly touched hers!" he exclaimed, winking at his wife.

"Oh Daddy, you know Millie doesn't like tuna sandwiches." Said Cassie in a reproaching manner.

"Could you both just stop it?" Natalie rose impatiently from the table and started clearing it. She wanted to say something more but the warning in her husband's eyes were clear. Something should be done about this whole thing it just didn't seem right.

"May we be excused now?"

"Yes Dear you're excused. I'll call you later on so we can all go out for ice cream." For as long as Cassandra can remember the ice cream thing had always been a tradition in the Bates household. Every Saturday afternoon they would all go to Milky Lane across town for Chocolate Chip Sundaes.

"I love you Daddy. You're the best." She kissed him with great exuberance on his cheek and left the dining room skipping all the way.

"I know what you are going to say and..."Jonathan began but Natalie stopped him short:

"Well Jonathan come on! You know this is ridiculous! We ought to take her to see that psychiatrist – what's his name again?"

Jonathan shook his head. "I will not put her through that again Natalie. She was crying hysterical the last time we took her to that doctor, she really believes that Millie is a real girl and her best friend at that. You remember what Dr Stevens said that it was only a..."

"A phase and she will grow out of it blah-blah." Natalie concluded, "But it has been years and still with the beastly friend thing. It is downright creepy!"

"Honey..." Jonathan rose to take his agitated wife in his arms, caressing her and trying to soothe her. "You know maybe we should just try again for a baby. I think all Cassie wants is a brother or a sister."

His wife pushed him away, her blue eyes blazing. "All Cassie wants, all Cassie wants!" she mocked. "God Jonathan! What about what I want for a change? We have been over and over this."

"Keep your bloody voice down Natalie!" he hissed at her.

Natalie looks at Jonathan with a shocked expression on her face and then turn and walks away to go and put the plate in the kitchen sink. As soon as her back is to her husband the tears start to roll down her cheeks.

Natalie loves Cassandra but she knows that since this little girl was born that she hasn't had the first place in her husband's heart anymore. In one way she is glad that it is her daughter occupying that place and not another woman, but it hurts her to know that she isn't the most important person in his life anymore especially when Jonathan is still her most important person. It is in times like these that she thinks it will not be a bad idea to have another child, maybe Jonathan will love Cassandra a little less. On the other hand if there were another child in the house will the place she occupies in Jonathan's heart shrink and then disappear to make room for the new baby? That is a risk Natalie is not willing to take and therefore she will never agree to have another baby. That and the fact of the miscarriages she has had in the past.

In her sunny room with the door closed Cassandra can vaguely hear her parents rising voices but the tea party is such a blast and soon, as every other day, Cassandra is so absorbed in the world she created that she almost didn't hear her friend speak.

"Your mother doesn't like me much but your dad is pretty cool." Cassandra puts down her doll.

"You're my best friend Millie and that won't change even if my mom doesn't like you..." Her dad's voice sounds from down the hallway.

"Cassandra we're going for ice cream now."

"Just a minute Dad I just want to put my Barbies away." Hurriedly Cassandra was already putting her dolls away as carefully as possible in her cupboard where she especially made a place for her Barbies to sleep in while she was away and not playing with them. Cassandra takes Millie by the hand and smiles at her.

"Don't worry my mom won't drive us apart."

***

Everything is so black, why can't I see anything? Have I gone blind? My eyes are so heavy. They won't open and I lay as still as possible trying to figure out what is going on around me in the darkness. I can hear my own heart racing; there are no other sounds to give me a clue as to where I am. To calm myself I take a deep breath and my eyes start to water as the air rush into my nostrils. There is a prevailing musty smell surrounding me, like a place closed off for years and years. Almost... Almost like a tomb!

What the hell is going on?! Am I dead? They buried me alive! That is it that must be it! Terror is rising like a wild animal, making my stomach churn. I can feel it trying to claw its way out of my chest. I am suffocating! Help me! Help me! I scream soundlessly.

I must get up but oh, the pain! Shooting pain through my body. I can barely move my legs the cramps are excruciating. I ground my teeth in agony. Just try and relax, you crazy woman, just breathe and concentrate for Heaven's sake. I try and convince myself but no such luck. Everything's so foggy. The pounding in my head... Make it stop, please make it stop. Have I been out drinking all night? It feels as if I had attempted to run a marathon. The strange thing about it is I can't remember a damn thing: Not going to bed, going out, drinking too much, nothing.

It takes all of my strength to move my leaden arms in an attempt to feel around myself. The surface beneath me is cold and hard. It puzzles me to be lying on a concrete floor in an unknown place. Where am I? Could it be the morgue? Yes, yes, they think I am dead and now I am lying on the coroner's table ready to be sliced open. Or maybe I am just dreaming or in a coma. Dear Lord what happened to me?! Why can't I remember anything? Is this how you feel before you die? Panic once again rises in my throat I just want to scream and never stop. But no sound, I am unable to get a peep out! I still can't open my eyes; the lids feel as if they are glued shut. I can't take this anymore! Where is everyone? Somebody save me! A single tear trickles down my cheek and into my neck. I hate to cry, don't want to but I can't help myself. I'm so thirsty, I need water.

I hear a soft, moaning sound. It sounds like an animal in pain and then I realize the sound is coming from me. The tears lubricate my eyes and I am able to open them a little. As soon as I open them I shut them again quickly. The room is spinning slowly. Can't focus...

Wait! Someone's coming! Soft footsteps but it seems so far away. Maybe I just imagined it. Must open my eyes.... Blurry movement. A face, out of focus bobbing and weaving in front of mine. Who are you? I want to say, but only a dry rasp escapes my parched throat.

"Be still, everything is going to be just fine." The voice is calm, almost familiar. Finally I have a hero; finally I am going to be rescued. My rescuer grabs me firmly by the arm and then a syringe floats into my disorientated view. Then it plunged downward into my arm. A burning sensation is spreading rapidly through my body. Helpless tears trickle down my face. The room is spinning faster and faster until darkness motions to me and finally draws me to him...

***

"Cass, are you ready? We want to leave now!"

"Hold on a sec I just want to get my pencil case." It really sucks not having my own car; I hate having to depend on my friends. I run downstairs to meet up with my roommate and her boyfriend. We live in a department building about three kilometres away from the NWU. Gosh, must they always be so early? Our exams only start at nine o'clock and it's just gone ten to eight. Beggars can't be choosers, but still.

"Hey guys how's it going?" I land with a soft thud on the backseat of the Golf. In the rear-view mirror I can see James giving me the evil eye. He worships his car. Can't say I blame him. I close the backdoor extra softly, smiling sweetly back at him.

"Never better." Mandy answers with a wide grin on her face, kissing James in his neck and on his ear. Ugh, sometimes I can't stand seeing others so happy; it makes me want to gag. Being single just is the pits. Three years without a steady boyfriend just seems so wrong, but what can I say, I am picky.

As we drive to campus Mandy fills me in on what they've been up to in the week that I've been studying myself to death. They take life so easy; they are not at all stressed about today's exam. They just go with the flow. Unlike me, I'm more stressed than the inside of a golf ball. Not that I am unprepared. I know my work so well that I could repeat the whole textbook in my sleep; nevertheless, I'm still as stressed as if I didn't study at all.

"Cass, are you going to join us for an end-of-exams party tonight?" Mandy knows me too well and by the look on my face sees that I'm not in a particular mood to party tonight.

"Come on it's going to be fun, it's been how long since we have been out together." She doesn't give up that easily though.

"I don't know. I think I better pack tonight, my lift leaves early tomorrow morning." I hate going out with couples especially Mandy and James, they always seem to be more in love when we're out in public. It makes me feel absurdly out of place. I shift around uneasily on the backseat. James says nothing. I gather he is also not overly enthusiastic about the idea of me tagging along all the time. But he would never say so to Mandy.

"Oh please that is the worst excuse I've heard in a long time." She fixes me with her best no-nonsense stare. Just then she reminds me so much of a spaniel with her long, wavy blonde hair and big, liquid brown eyes that I have to smile.

"Please Cass? It's no fun being the only stunning girl among James's friends." There it comes – the famous little girl pout and I know I there is just no way I can say no.

"All right, all right I'll go, if you insist." I say as I roll my eyes. I never could quite understand why my friends can so easily get me to do whatever they wanted to do. That's one of my many weaknesses – I always want to please my friends – and unfortunately for me they all know that.

"Thanks for the lift James. I'll see you guys later. Good luck with the exam."

It's now exactly eight o'clock and I still have an hour left before my exam. Well at least I have some time to get my mind together. Some days I wonder why I put myself through all the suffering to study for a Charted Accountant if I could have chosen any field of study. I think I am a sucker for punishment. Teddy always tells me that he thinks I am studying for a Charted Accountant because I'm always up for a challenge. This challenge is getting the better of me today and on days like this I hate my challenge-seeking self. I feel totally depressed today. It's the last day of the exams and I'm supposed to be the happiest person around but I'm not. I miss my dad so very much I can't help myself. How I long for the days when I was still young and my life was all happiness and sunshine. Slowly I walk the longest route I can think of to my class. I go past the Education building which looks similar to some of the high schools in the USA. I love this campus, the grass is always green and the sensation you get as you walk around on campus grounds it's just indescribable. The first time I visited this campus I knew I would be studying here and I didn't even bother to see the other Universities in South Africa. As I pass one of the boys' hostels, a tall, three-storied brick building, I can hear the first year boys singing one of their ridiculous songs to the seniors. I smile to myself and I am glad I am past all that first year nonsense. Walking down the pathway I pass our Business building, the building I spend most of my time at. A lot of students are already gathering in front of the building on the steps for today's exam. Everywhere on the grass I see people sitting with piles of notes, cramming the last bit of information in.

I am so absorbed in the people that I don't realise that someone is calling out to me. I hear his voice, his sweet voice and suddenly my heart is pounding loudly.

"Cassidy, Hey! Wait up." The young man running up to me is picture perfect. Tall, with a smile to die for, green eyes and brown hair like my own. If he only realized how I felt about him. I have been in love with Teddy since my first year and still every time I see him my legs turn to jelly.

"Hey Ted, how're things?" Seeing him always makes the sun shine brighter and the air clearer.

"Nothing much, just excited because another year is over and we're another year closer to getting our degrees. Can you believe it, we have a year left, and that's awesome!" He is so full of enthusiasm. I can see how his eyes light up when he talks about graduation. I must admit it really is exciting.

"Yes, I can't believe it. This year really went by so fast." I smile at him with longing in my eyes. He is a great guy but really clueless when it comes to body language. In the three years I have known him he hasn't noticed how I feel, such and ignorant male.

"Well, it's time." He gives me a quick hug which unbeknownst to him make my heart pick up a pace or two. "See you Later Cass, Good luck."

"Bye Teddy, good luck." I shouted after him when I caught my breath back, but it doesn't matter because he is already gone. I stumble in the opposite direction towards my class, feeling a little bit better but not at all my usual glowing self.

The next building on my way is the Law building. This is my favourite building on campus. It is a white two-storey building. There is a fountain in front of the building and the old architectural structure of the building exuberates a feeling of success, Maybe it is because every year when the students graduate they get their pictures taken at this building. Across from the Law building between the Library and Administration building there are two wide open green lawns of grass which always makes me feel as if I can go and lay down on it and it will feel soft and comforting.

I have reached my class and to my surprise the doors are already open. I take a deep breath and walk into the building feeling like my old self again. Sometimes a person must just remember the reason why we are where we are and to get back perception on life.

***

I'm in on a sidewalk somewhere in a central business district. At least it seems to be because everywhere on the street I see people dressed in business suits carrying around briefcases going into tall buildings which is situated all along the sidewalks. Everything seems so strange, as if I am seeing it for the first time. I am searching for someone amongst the group of people crowding the sidewalk across from where I'm standing. I don't know why I am looking for him and who he is but suddenly I see him waving at me. It's the love of my life. I start walking toward him but no matter how fast I am walking or how badly I want to reach him, something's holding me back. It feels as if I'm walking on a treadmill. People are crowding my vision and he disappears through all the motion. I call out to him but he doesn't hear me. He's starting to walk away from me. "Don't go! Wait for me!" It doesn't work; he can't hear me over the noise. He's gone...

I wake up to find warm tears coursing down my face. The nightmare had left me feeling so alone and desperate, desperate to be home in my bed with my husband beside me. I don't want to be here alone. The sadness turns to rage as I wonder why they haven't come looking for me. Don't they know where I am, are they even looking for me or have they just forgotten me? No! I scream at myself. They are my husband and my children; of course they are looking for me and missing me every second as much as I miss them. If that is true, the other part of my brain is arguing, why do I have this terrible feeling of abandonment? A feeling I haven't had since my Dad left us. I reach across the empty space imagining that I am cuddled up to my husband and thinking how soon the kids will come scooting under the covers and...

Who am I bluffing? Terror seizes me again instantly because I realize all at once that this is only the beginning of my nightmare. That nightmare is a walk in the park compared to my reality. I can still see the syringe plunging into my arm in my mind's eye before I blacked out. Where are my husband and children? Why am I in this place and who is keeping me prisoner here? All sort of horrific scenes are playing off in my mind, maybe we were all in some kind of accident. What if they are all dead?!

I have to get up, I have to find them! Get up, get up! I silently urge myself, but I feel so numb. Slowly I open my eyes, terrified of what I might see. I gather all of my courage and all I see is darkness. I don't see anything, maybe that guy drugged me and made me overdose and now I'm dead and this is Hell. Well, it's definitely not what I expected; I thought it would be very hot here but the temperature's normal. It can't be Heaven either because you're not supposed to feel pain in Heaven. It's supposed to be the place where you feel no pain at all and where you are at peace.

My eyes are starting to adjust to the darkness and I am definitely not in Hell or Heaven, I'm just in an ordinary room. I'm not certain what type of room this is exactly but it's not your standard bedroom. My eyes are now fully adjusted and I can make out the bed I am half laying half sitting on and a table in the centre of the room. There's a door too. The door has a little window in it, it looks very weird. I can see something in front of the door on the floor. It's not clear enough so that I can make out what it is.

There is no window, just the one in the door. There is also another opening into another room or something across from the door. I'll have to get up to examine what is hidden behind that opening but my legs will not co-operate. I look more closely to my surroundings, trying to familiarise myself. There is two chairs by the table facing each other over the table. The more I take in all of the room the more familiar the room seem to be but somehow I can't bring myself to know why.

Now that I am fully aware of what my surroundings are I am trying to make sense of the last couple of hours (or days) in my life, I am not sure how long I have been in this place. The last thing I remembered is that somebody grabbed my arm and then it burned like hell before I passed out. I don't know who that person is or why he came to me when I screamed, it's definitely not because he wanted to help me, that's for sure. The only thing I know for sure is that it's definitely a man that was with me because he is very strong and his cologne is very unique. I will be able to identify that smell anywhere. It's kind of spicy with a hint of some sweet smell I'm not familiar with in between.

Cautiously I make an attempt to move my limbs and to my relief they respond. The stiffness and cramping are gone but I still feel like a ton of bricks. Groggily I sit up. Whoa! The room tilts to the right. What the hell have they been giving me? The bed is narrow and I hold on to edge for dear life until the room righted itself. The dizziness eventually passes and I manage to sit upright and focus on the opening across the room. I want to know what lies beyond that opening but what if that person comes back?

I need a plan for when the person comes back again. I must reserve my strength so I can fight him off if he tries anything funny with me again. No more sticking any needles into me Mister, no way! A faint sound reaches me. Footsteps? No, maybe I imagined it. From the looks of things there is no way to hide except for the opening if I could have run or even walk there. This place is so barren, just the narrow bed and table and chairs. It reminds me very much of a prison cell. I can't be in prison? I haven't done anything! I have never in my entire life done anything wrong except for the time that I posed for a photo next to the statue of Totius on the campus grounds. I begin to giggle hysterically. My life has finally caught up with me. Just think of the headlines: Woman brought to task after ten years of heinous act. Hilarious!

No, no stop it! There is no time for hysterics. Got to think logically. What if I am in the hands of a serial killer? What if I am going to be tortured and killed? I can't die now? What about my family? They can't go on without me, they need me. The acid taste of panic is back and slowly rising to choke me. What does this psycho want with me? What is this place?

"Oh, get a grip!" I mutter. "You watched too many horror movies in your life. You're not kidnapped or a prisoner of some psycho-escapee from a mental institution."

Or am I? The creative part of my brain argues. Mental institution? That rings a bell somehow, but it's all so vague. I must stay calm and look at all the logical explanations there can be for this strange place I find myself in. What a shame that I can't think of any such logic explanation right now but maybe later I may be able to focus. It now becomes clear to me why I'm not able to think clearly, I'm starving and parched! Is that how this monster is going to let me die? Probably watching while I lie here dying of hunger and thirst! Man and I stink, I can smell sweat all over me and my hair is a matted mess. Instead of getting up I wallow in self-pity until I fall into a troubled sleep.

***

"Mom, can we go to the Park? We really want to swing, pwetty pwease." Little Cassandra Bates asks in her best impersonation of the cartoon character Tweety.

"I wish you wouldn't talk about yourself in the plural." It's been nearly two years and Cassandra still has an imaginary friend. Natalie is really worried about her daughter and she doesn't like the idea of her daughter having an imaginary friend. The psychologist assured her that having an imaginary friend is a sign that Cassandra has a very active imagination which is a good thing and there is no need for concern. No need for concern. Indeed. How long a time it will remain a good thing is why Natalie is worried about it.

"Mom, you know Millie is with me, I'm not talking only about myself." A frown creases her forehead and Natalie knows that her little girl is not very impressed with her reaction but since a couple of months back Natalie doesn't give a rat's ass. It's become intolerable for Natalie to play along with this game of Cassandra for so long, she can't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I didn't see her there." She grounds her teeth; she will keep the peace today. There is no need to start a new fight about this; there have been too many in the past. This imaginary friend thing has even started to create tension between her and Jonathan. Tension is putting it mildly. In the Bates household it is common knowledge that if Cassandra isn't happy her father isn't happy. Jonathan will do anything to keep his little girl satisfied even if it means to go up against his own wife. How long can she pretend to see someone who isn't there just to keep the peace in her house?

" _I'm not you Jonathan I can't do it. We should get a second opinion." She said to her husband a short while back._

His reaction was unsettling. "I don't give a shit Natalie! There is nothing wrong with my girl, nothing you hear me? Don't you love her? Or are you jealous? I will not have you dragging her off to some quack again and again just because you're not a good mother!" he shouted at her, spittle flying from his lips.

It felt as if he had knocked her down.

" _Oh my God, are you saying it is my fault?"_

The guilty look in his eyes said it all. She felt like screaming.

" _All this time and you think it is because I am a bad mother." She poured herself a glass of wine which she downed with one gulp. "You know Jonathan, have you ever wondered if it's not maybe because you indulge her too much?" she began calmly, "In your eyes she can't do anything wrong isn't it? She is perfect, has to be perfect other than..." her voice broke off._

" _Please Honey, I didn't mean it like that. It came out badly. It's just..." He had tried to take her into his arms but she shoved him, hit him on the chest with her outstretched hand._

" _No, no don't try to take it back now! You meant every word Jonathan. You blame me for everything, the miscarriages, the malformed foetuses, her delusion, everything. Well maybe you should stop and think that they all carry your genes Jonathan, every one of your imperfect brood! And now this!"_

He had stared at her in utter horror and disbelief. But he didn't speak he just turned and left.

"Sure we can go to the Park for a little bit." It's Natalie's off day and she has a couple of hours to spare before she has to start dinner.

"Thank you Mommy, you are the greatest."

Natalie looks at her little girl with the honey blonde hair and green eyes and thinks she is probably the most spoilt child in the whole of South Africa (or the craziest). What this ten-year-old can achieve by using her facial expression alone is amazing. She is an excellent manipulator. Actually she has great talent in that department Natalie thought. Both her parents dreamt of her becoming an actress. What Cassandra wants is unclear, though if you analyse the outcome of all the modelling competitions her parents entered her in, it is almost a certainty that Jonathan and Natalie's dreams won't come true someday soon.

The Little Miss Sunshine competition will never be forgotten in the whole of Gauteng. While the presenter announced her name on stage and her dad stood beside her on stage she uttered such a bloodcurdling scream which would've made Chuck Norris shudder when she saw the audience. She then turned right around and ran to her mother, leaving her father alone on stage. Everybody burst out laughing and knowing that Jonathan Bates is not a people person that was the last time he had the courage to take her on stage. Natalie could never again coerce him to go on stage with Cassandra. From then on he would only stand at the back of the crowd hoping Cassandra wouldn't make another scene the like of which he was sure couldn't be equalled. It was always her mom supporting her and telling her that she could make it as a model.

"It's not that I don't love her," she told herself as they are driving to the park, she loves the little girl with all her heart, but she is so afraid of losing her husband once her daughter's sanity is lost if she doesn't get over this imaginary friend fast.

***

The outfit that I should wear when going out is always of the utmost importance to Mandy, which is one of the main reasons I don't like going out with her and James. I'm not a doll she can dress up, I don't like it one bit. I'm not a model for people to stare at the whole time, people must see me for who I really am and if they don't like it they can all jump in the sea. Dressing up is like pretending to be someone you're not. I feel comfortable in my Jeans and a nice top, but I think if I decide to wear that Mandy will have a heart attack.

"No don't wear that red top again, you always wear red. Try the pink one." She throws me a shocking pink top with frills at the short sleeves. I can't believe she expects me to wear that thing. I hate pink and the thing I hate even more than pink is any garment with frills on it. Yuck!

"I don't think that top will suit me. I am not a pink person. I will wear the black one instead." She hides the black top behind her back.

"No, there's no way that you're wearing anything but this pink top tonight. Live a little and try some new colour scheme for a change. All of your clothes are red, black or blue." She rolls her eyes to let me know how exasperated she really is with me.

"Oh all right, but please, don't take any photos of me in this thing." The second reason why I don't like going out is because every time Mandy feels it's her obligation to dress me she also apply the necessary and very bright make-up to go with the outfit. I almost always end up looking like a clown. "And another thing. If I wear this pink top tonight I want to do my own make-up and you are not allowed to interfere." I can see the disappointment in her eyes as I demand this horrible compromise.

"Fine, have it your way." She's not very impressed but I know as soon as we enter Impala and she hears the dance music she will be in a good mood all night. All will be forgiven. I'm glad I get to do my own make-up tonight, I won't attract too much attention and all the freaks will leave me alone.

"Hurry up Cass. James is here." She grabs her handbag and glances at her watch.

"Don't you ever let him wait? It's healthy for a man to wait for a woman to finish at her own time. It makes them appreciate us more." She lets out a long sigh

"James doesn't like to wait, you know that." She shakes her head at my ignorance, she has told me the same thing at least a dozen times before.

"Chill Mandy I know he doesn't like to wait, I am just mocking." I like to mock my friend; she never knows when I am joking or when I am serious. I get a kick out of her confused and frustrated face.

At my leisure I finish applying my eyeliner. Mandy is pacing my room like a cage animal as she wait for me to finish. She will do anything to please James and if that involves her walk through fire she will do it. She is so afraid that one day she will lose him it isn't even funny. Mandy told me in our first year, the first time they had begun going out, that the two of them were going to get married one day and once Mandy made up her mind she isn't going to change it.

"All done. Let's go."

Impala is our hangout; we can let our hair down, dance and forget all about the stress of studying. My friends and I enjoy dancing a lot, it's just a pity that Teddy doesn't like coming to places like this because the cigarette smoke irritates him a lot. I always thought I was very anti-smoking but Teddy is even worse than I am. I consider that a good thing though. I wouldn't like hanging out with people who smoked. We don't even drink a lot, some people think we're nuts to hang out here. Being a student and coming to places like this is an excuse to get drunk and smoke too much but for us it's just about the dancing and doing something different for a change.

Impala always reminds me of a hotel, the front has big inviting doors and there is a room before you get into the club that looks like a lobby. We pass the little bar on our right which is apart from the club where one can play a couple games of pool or where you can sit and have a nice chat with a friend. After we pay at the small booth we enter around a corner and the familiar surroundings welcomes us. The music is playing loudly but there is a lot of open tables, which is rather unusual. The smell of tobacco and smoke from the dance floor is overpowering but I get used to it after a while. We walk over to a table in a corner a little way from the dance floor; we don't like it to be so close because otherwise it is a mission to talk to each other like civilised people. The tables along the dance floor is anyway always occupied not matter if it's a slow night. The bar is on the other side of the dance floor and James is already walking in that direction to get us some cold drinks before it gets too busy at the bar. The lack of students could be that most of them had already left for December vacation. Another perk of studying one of the hardest courses: writing exams until the very last day of the exams. Joy!

James and Mandy are now strutting their stuff on the dance floor, showing off their moves. Reason number four I don't like going out with a couple is because of the fact that I don't have a dance partner. Major problem! Maybe I should go sit in the bathroom for as long as possible whenever Mandy and James are dancing. I feel like an idiot every time I am left at the table all alone. I feel more horrible than ever sitting here and watching all the couples dance tonight. I'm playing with the glass of Fanta in front of me turning it around on the table.

I'm so absorbed in my own misery that I don't see him standing in front of me. A little over six feet tall with wavy brown hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes I have ever seen.

"Hey, um... do you want to dance?" He looks very nervous, shame I can see that it took a lot of him to come over and ask me.

I'm here so I might as well enjoy myself in the process. "Sure, why not." Oh man, I am not the greatest dancer that ever lived and I sincerely hope I don't step on his toes too much. It's always stressful for me to dance with a stranger. I let him lead me onto the dance floor. The stress is getting too much for me but before it gets too unbearable he speaks to me.

"What's your name? I'm Richard." We are on the dance floor and he grips me tight and we start to dance.

"Cassidy. Nice to meet you, Richard." He has strong arms.

"Very nice to meet you, Cassidy. What are you studying?"

"Why do you think I am studying anything?" The stress once again lets me put my foot into my mouth that sounded a bit rude.

"Oh, I assumed you were a student at the University. Sorry, my bad. What do you do for a living? You're definitely not still in school?"

I laugh lightly at his embarrassment: "I'm just kidding. I'm a second year CA student. And yourself?"

"Business management second year as well. Seems we have something in common." He smiled and I felt my knees go weak. The song "Lone Star" is playing. I am amazed by how I feel so safe with this guy I don't know. He twirls me a couple of times and my head spins as I try my best to not make a fool out of myself and go flying over the floor.

The song ends too quickly. He really is a good dancer. I wish I could dance with him the whole night through but as previous experience has taught me, this guy will probably say thank you and as soon as he turns his back he will vanish. I must have stepped on his toes at least a dozen times. I can feel my cheeks redden but I suppress the urge to mumble apologies.

"Thank you that was nice. Perhaps you would dance with me again later this evening?"

"Sure that would be great." Ja right, say it like you mean it brother. I am positive he won't set a foot near me for the rest of the night. But I've got to hand it to him; he has very nice manners, unlike the geeks and cooks I've come across in this place.

"I'll see you later." He turns and walks away very gracefully. He is a very handsome guy.

***

I test my legs again to see if I can walk properly. They seem a bit wobbly but I am going to take my chance. I ready myself and on the count of three lift myself up off the bed with my arms. Wow, the earth is suddenly swimming in front of me. After a couple of minutes it seems to pass though. As I take a deep breath of the musty air I give my first step forward. It hurts like hell but at least I didn't fall flat on my face. In twenty agonising steps I reach the other side of the room where the opening is. I can't see a light switch anywhere on the wall so I have to go in there in the dark. My heart starts to race at the thought of what could be beyond that opening. Gathering all of the little courage I have left I walk into the opening...

It's a toilet! Damn I feel stupid now. Dumb Cow I scowl myself. I'm in a room did I think that there would be no toilet?! In front of the toilet there is a white washbasin and just adjacent to it a shower. No mirror though.

As my heart beats slower and the adrenaline works out of my system I am suddenly intensely aware of the pain in my legs. Lowering myself to the ground against the wall the pain intensifies and I once again drift into unconsciousness.

***

"Who's that cute guy that danced with you the whole night tonight?" Mandy demanded. She is one of those people who are very curious by nature and there isn't a single thing that her eyes misses. I am astounded that it took her so long to confront me. I actually anticipated a confrontation in the ladies restroom about Richard.

"Oh he's just a guy who likes dancing with me."

I like playing dumb, Mandy hates that. She will torture me until I eventually give up and end up telling her everything. I don't think I will get into the details with her tonight, I just want to think about the wonderful time I had tonight. Fortunately I don't have to worry too long about sparing the details for another time because we just stopped in front of the complex where we live. Mandy is going to stay at James' place for the night. We greet each other effusively and promise to call and to keep in touch on Mix-it if we don't e-mail each other every other day. Then finally, with much waving they drive off.

It's pretty cold this early in the morning. I've never been out until two in the morning. Usually I persuade James at twelve that it is getting late and that we better leave before all the really drunk people show up. Tonight was totally different; James was the one to suggest that we should leave because I had to get up pretty soon to catch my lift home.

As I prepare for bed my thoughts are just about Richard Flemming. I can't believe he danced mostly with me and he seemed to enjoy it! He is a second year Business Management student that lives in Pretoria with his parents. He doesn't usually go out but he decided he wasn't in the mood to sit at home all alone, he said. Alone... So that means he's single like I am! His friends always nag him to come out with them but he isn't a guy who drinks too much or smokes so he doesn't like the atmosphere much. That is just too cool! He told me that he only wanted to stay a little while and then leave before everyone got a little too drunk. Way funny, because his friends left before we did, he was the only one left of his group when we went home.

I know I shouldn't believe everything he tells me because it just seems too good to be true. And we all know that when things seem too good to be true they usually aren't. But it was like we were just made for each other, we have so many things in common. Well, he didn't even ask my number, so I probably won't see him again, my common sense tells me. I am not going to get excited about him. The important thing is that I had a very nice time tonight. Still, one can only hope – maybe we'll run into each other again sometime. Still thinking of his gorgeous hazel eyes I drift into wonderful, deep sleep.

***

It's a busy Saturday at the Bates house today. Jonathan is busy building a swing for his daughter since he knows that this is the toy she gets the most pleasure from at the park. It's not always possible to go to the park to swing and living in these times that they do it isn't very safe either. Jonathan took it upon himself to build a swing so that he can swing his daughter whenever he can and it gives him great pleasure because he knows how Cassandra will react to her very own swing. Just picturing her face light up is enough motivation to finish the swing as soon as possible. It is a surprise for Cassandra, she doesn't know what her dad is up to, and she thinks he is working on a project for one of his friends.

From the first day he saw the little pink face all wrinkled up, he knew that he will do everything in his power to make this life as enjoyable for his little girl as he possibly can. He adores her and likewise she him.

"I only wish her mother would accept her for what she is."

It sometimes appears as if the relationship between Jonathan and Cassandra is far better than the relationship between Cassandra and her mother. Be it the miscarriages or the fact that he dotes on his girl so much Jonathan is not sure, but Natalie seems to hold Cassandra at a distance. Lately they are arguing an awful lot too. This blame shifting is more than he can bear. Granted he shouldn't have said what he did and as soon as the words left him he was mortified. But unfortunately it was too late. Natalie wasn't the most forgiving person in the world.

"Dad, are you almost finished? Are we still going for ice cream today?" Certainly the most beautiful little girl he ever saw is standing in the garage door with her hands on her hips, looking a lot like his wife when she is very upset.

"Let me make you a deal: If I give you something much better that ice cream, we skip the ice cream today. What do you say?" Jonathan puts down his measuring tape and wipes his hands on his overall.

Cassandra seems to be considering his deal, her face is all puckered up as she tries to look real serious.

"Okay Daddy." She finally agrees. "If you promise that it is going to be better that ice cream than we can skip Milky Lane today."

"I promise that the thing I am going to give you is the best thing a little girl like you could ever ask for." Jonathan smiles at Cassandra.

"So when do I get it, Dad?" She tries her suspicious look, also a mannerism she'd adopted from her mother.

"As soon as I'm finished here. Give me another hour or so." He picks up the measuring tape again. "Go play in the house and when I call you, you can come outside and get your gift."

"Okay, come on Millie let's go play house again." She hops off to the house without another word.

Jonathan tests the paint to establish if it's dry yet. It's ready to be set up. It takes him a while to erect the swing all by himself, the thing is very heavy. After about an hour of struggling to get the thing up, the giant blue swing with its little wooden seat is ready for use in the middle of the backyard.

He walks to the kitchen door and because he doesn't want to get the house full of grass he calls Cassandra from the door.

"Cassandra, you can come outside now." He hears a pair of footsteps running down the hall, eager to see the surprise in store.

"Don't run in the house, you may fall down and get hurt!" A sudden halt, normal footsteps approaching. It makes him smile to know that she obeys him so well. Cassandra appears at the back door.

"Okay, close your eyes and don't peek." He leads her to a spot right in front of the swing.

"You can open your eyes now."

As soon as Cassandra's eyes open they light up and Jonathan can see the pure pleasure streaming from her face. She smiles as wide as her lips will allow her.

"Thank you Dad, this is so cool! Millie look, we have got our own swing now." She grabs Jonathan's waist and squeezes him tight.

"I love you so much Dad, you are the best dad in the whole wide world."

It's marvellous to see her so happy. There is nothing as satisfying for Jonathan as knowing that he had just made his girl's day.

"I love you too Cassandra, more than you will ever know. I will do anything to make you happy, don't ever forget that."

***

My aunt is elated to see me, it is clear to see when I walked through the door. She really missed me. I stayed with her since age eleven. Aunt Ellen is the closest thing to family and also the only family I have left. I consider her my mom and I couldn't have asked for a better parent. She is a spinster, never needed a man in her life she is too independent. The few relationships she had had were a disaster. I love my aunt very much but she really seems to drive all men away from her. She is too used to doing things her way that she irritates everyone around her. Mark, her latest victim, did his best to do everything her way but he never quite got everything right. If he wanted to make her dinner he would put in too much onions, or the wine he would choose was never right with the food he served. One day he just gave up and headed for the hills. I don't blame him she would have driven me crazy, but I'm too used to all her ways. She spoils me so much that I don't do too much around the house. I am the daughter she could never have. Well, technically she can have children if the men stuck around long enough and accepted her for who she was.

"Hi Aunt Ellen. How are you? I missed you so much." We hug each other for a long time. It's really good to be back. Being away for two months is agony and sometimes I get depressed. Aunt Ellen is always the one to get me out of my depression when it hits at full force. When I'm alone I can't handle it. I don't know what I would do if I lost her but hopefully I wouldn't have to find out.

"Cass, Darling! I'm well and very glad to see you. How was the exam? What's new? You must tell me everything." Her bubbling personality is sometimes overwhelming.

"Whoa, take a breath. I will tell you everything as soon as I unpack. I'm fine thanks and the exam was okay."

"Okay Honey, I'll get you a cup of tea while you're busy unpacking. I can't wait for us to catch up."

My room is exactly as I had left it. I can see it was cleaned regularly but there isn't a piece of paper out of place. The posters of Green Day and Shania Twain are still on the exact same spots since my terrible teen days. I better revamp my room this holiday because I have a lot of time on my hands. I'm not working this month although I'm signed up at KPMG already. They have some kind of a training programme for the newcomers so we don't need to work. I'm actually thankful I can take a real vacation this month. Maybe I should ask my aunt if we could go to Durban for a week or so. It's been ages since we have been away together. Fortunately Aunt Ellen has her own business and she can afford to take a few days off from work now and then.

"Somebody save me, don't care how you do it just save me..."

My cell phone rings to my favourite TV Programme's theme song - Smallville. Where is the thing? I empty out the contents of my handbag. There it is. I answer the phone without looking to see who is calling.

After getting my head bitten off by Mandy for not calling her right away and a lot of promises that when I see her again I promise that I will tell her everything about Richard, I say goodbye to my best friend and wish her a lovely holiday.

Aunt Ellen is standing in the door with two steaming cups of tea. It looks like she has lost some weight in these past two months. She looks great, glowing actually. Her green eyes are all sparkling and her black hair looks extra shiny. I wonder what is going on. Is there a new man in her life? No, it can't be, can it?

"You really look good, what have you been doing while I was away?"

An impish smile is spreading across her face. "Do you want the short or the long version?" It's a man! I knew it.

"We have until next year; of course I want to hear every detail."

"Well, I met someone new..." I know my aunt so well. This is going to be a very long story.

I was shocked to find out that my aunt not only met someone new but she was also engaged. I can't believe she didn't tell me sooner. She says that she knows that I will soon meet the man of my dreams and move out to leave her all alone. She doesn't want to grow old alone. That's all understandable but I'm a little disappointed that she didn't tell me first. I'm also very happy for my aunt; she is the most wonderful person in the whole world.

"So when do I meet this dream fiancé of yours?" It sounds all weird talking like this, it will take some time getting used to the idea.

"Tonight."

I do my utmost to hide my surprise. Talk about life-changing information and now I have to meet this guy tonight. But knowing Aunt Ellen it shouldn't surprise me really. She doesn't waste time.

"He is taking us out for dinner. I hope you don't mind I already told him it was okay. He's really excited about getting to meet you. You will see, when you get to know him, he is a real stand-up guy. He..." I put one hand up.

"Slow down, Aunt Ellen. I believe he is as wonderful as you say and it will be my honour to meet the guy of your dreams." She's really worried that I will begin to freak out or that I am mad at her. I know her so well, she has a manner of biting her lip when she stressed about something.

"Don't fret, I promise I will like him immediately and we will get along just fine." I pat her on the shoulder.

"Thanks Cass you're a star. I'll go and let Derrick know he must pick us up at six." Before I could utter another word she was already flitting half way down the hall. I'm happy that she's happy but I suddenly feel very alone. I know that is very selfish of me but I have had my aunt to myself for almost ten years now and suddenly I must share her with some stranger. It's all very overwhelming but I suppose I will get used to it, I always do.

***

I woke up the next morning, feeling myself again. I'm not on the toilet floor though, I find myself on the bed in the room. Weird, that funny smelling guy must have put me in bed. This freaks me out, a strange man touching me without my knowledge, I shudder. My legs and arms don't hurt anymore and my eyes are better focused now. My only problem now is that I'm starving, when was the last time I ate? I can't remember what my last meal was and when that was. The room looks very different in daylight than it did last night. The walls are a pale blue and it creates a calming atmosphere. For the first time I see that the duvet on the bed is white and has purple flowers printed on it. The table in the middle of the room is made of steel and it looks like it is bolted into the floor as the two chairs. This is a weird place. The floor is tiled in a light beige colour scheme. There is a tray of food on the floor, it must be the strange shape I saw that other night. But why is the tray on the floor if there is a table in the room?

Well, even if it is spoilt food I'm so hungry I will eat it anyway. I walk quickly across the room to inspect the food a little closer. The smell of bacon and eggs fill my nostrils and my stomach start to churn. It's definitely fresh and warm, it smell delicious. Someone must have put it here just before I woke up. There are bacon, eggs and fresh toast on the plate. I begin to eat like an animal, the juice from the greasy eggs drips onto my chin but I don't care. Gosh, I was so hungry I couldn't help myself. After I licked the last bit of egg yolk off of my plate I feel a lot better and capable to think again.

Stiff legged I hobble over to the bathroom. Ugh! I have never been one to like public restrooms and this place is no exception. I am at once reminded of hospital bathrooms. They smell of antiseptic but there is always some odour lingering of all the hundreds of people that used it before. Well at least I am the only on here. After using the toilet I walk over to the basin to wash my hands. The basin is stained yellow and the taps look ancient. It would be a wonder if it were in working condition. I open one of the taps but nothing comes out. Just as I thought. I close the tap and open the other one not expecting anything to come out. A small stream of water comes out. I try to wash my hands but there is just not enough water coming out. Very confident now I open the tap a little bit more and get a huge fright when the water comes sputtering out, making a terrible groaning sound, shaking the whole basin.

It startles me so much that I jump back, tripping over the toilet and landing hard on my butt, wedged between the toilet and the shower, my legs flailing in the air. Feeling like a complete idiot I struggle like mad to free myself of my precarious position. Realising how ridiculous I must look I begin to chuckle and the chuckle turns into a snort of laughter. Crawling around on the bathroom floor and howling like a lunatic, tears streaming down my face I am helpless in my hysterics.

Moments later I hear the door bursting open and a guy comes rushing in. As soon as he sees me rolling around on the floor he reacts very strangely: He produces an injection out of his pocket and starts to walk purposefully towards me. I quickly gather my wits and plead with him.

"Please, don't do it again. Why are you doing this, why don't you just kill me and get it over with."

He seems undeterred by my pleading. His face is like a mask. A drop of liquid glints eerily on the tip of the needle.

"Just stay calm Madame and everything will be fine." He jumps at me with the needle ready to inject it into me. I try to fight him off but my attempts are feeble, he is already inserting the needle into my shoulder.

"OW! Stop it, just..." I feel the drug beginning to take its effect, my legs begin to go numb and I am suddenly very woozy. Damn, here I go again...

CHAPTER 2

I was wrong about Richard. He looked me up on Facebook and called me a week after the night I first met him. He told me that he would like to come and visit me at my home. Wow, I couldn't believe that he wanted to come all the way to Johannesburg to come and visit me. I invited him to the wedding but he was in the Cape for the week on holiday with his family. I really would have liked it if he could come visit me but things where so hectic with the wedding and all the arrangements that I told him that he could visit me first thing when we were back in Potchefstroom.

Time passed so quickly I can't believe it's time to go back to University for the New Year. It was a busy holiday for me, my aunt got married the last week of December and I had to help her with all the arrangements. It was such a beautiful and romantic wedding. They got married in a little Chapel somewhere in Centurion; Derrick suggested the place since almost all of his family lived in the Pretoria area. If I ever get my fairy tale wedding I also want to get married there. Mister Derrick Andrews indeed turned out to be the perfect partner for my aunt; he is a perfectionist and respects my aunt's way of doing things. I can see that he makes her happy and is very glad to say that we also get along just fine. I'm not at all threatened by him, I am still a part of my aunt's life and that will never change.

As I unpack the last of my things I am beginning to feel more nervous as the clock ticks nearer to the moment I have been waiting for this whole six weeks.

I stare at my watch for the umpteenth time and see that I have an hour till Richey picks me up. This will be the first date I go on in more than a years' time. As excited as I am about this date I'm not good at it and I sincerely hope that this date won't turn out to be a disaster.

It is 17:55 and I'm standing in front of the mirror in my seventh outfit I have tried on this afternoon and I'm still not completely sure if this is the outfit I want to wear. I'm so nervous it feels as if I can't breathe.

"Somebody save me, don't care..." Oh no, he's on time. What now? I'm not ready.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's Richey. Can I come up?"

"Sure number 44." Breathe Cassidy, just breathe. Okay so I have no time left now. I'll just go in this outfit. I am dressed in my favourite red shirt and a pair of black trousers, my hair is down and I have put on some make-up. I glance in the mirror, not too bad I think to myself. There's a knock on the door and my heart is beginning to race. I quickly grab my keys and handbag and shut my bedroom door behind me. I take a deep breath before I open the front door.

"Hey, Richey how's it going?" I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. He looks very handsome in his faded designer jeans and Quicksilver T-shirt.

"It's so nice to see you." The smile he gives me makes my knees wobble.

Okay Cassidy get a grip before you say something completely dorkey, I think to myself.

"I'm ready. Shall we go?"

A strange look passes his face - I wonder what he is thinking.

"Sure, umm... but don't you want to put some shoes on first?"

I can feel my face burning; I can't believe I forgot to put on shoes! This is so embarrassing.

"Don't get me wrong I like the bunnies but I think it's a bit inappropriate." He chuckles.

"Oh man, this is not cool. I'm so sorry. Give me a minute and I'll be ready." I want the earth to swallow me whole. Why did I forget to take off my slippers? He must think I'm some kind of freak. Slipping out of my slippers I quickly put on the correct shoes. Hopefully we are not going to walk too much because I chose my more stylish sandals and they are not very comfortable to walk in. No pain no gain, right?

"Okay I'm ready now." I close the door behind me and start to walk toward him. "We can leave now." I smile sheepishly.

"Haha. Are you sure? Do you have everything you need?" He is actually laughing at me. I don't think this is going to go so well.

"I think so, yes."

"Well, you better take your keys out of the door just in case."

You have to be kidding me. What is wrong with me? Now it's final, he really must think I'm some dummy or retarded. He will never call me after today.

"Oh so that's where they are." I grab the keys and finally we are on our way.

***

Cassandra arrived at home to find her dad there. It's weird to see him at home this time of day because he usually works a nine-to-five job and rarely gets the time to take leave, there's just too much work to do. Jonathan Bates is a workaholic.

"Hello Daddy. Aren't you working today?" She screws up her nose and gives her dad a suspicious look. He laughs as if embarrassed.

"No Sweetie I took the day off so I can spend the afternoon with you."

"Does that mean that you will swing me, please?"

Jonathan gives her a warm smile. "Sure let me just first fix you some lunch. I don't want your mother to say that I starved you. Go wash your hands"

"Yes sir." She gives him a salute and marches away in a comic imitation of a soldier. Jonathan can't help but smile. He didn't have a good day so far. He is feeling under the weather.

After lunch father and daughter spends the whole afternoon swinging in the back yard. It is almost dark when they hear a car in the driveway.

"Mommy!" She starts to run to the front of the house but then suddenly she turns around to face her dad.

"Dad you must catch me." She laughs and runs further to go and greet her mom.

"Wait up, I too old for this stuff." He takes off after her and grabs her halfway to the driveway.

"I got you now! I'm going to eat you up. Yum, yum, yum." Jonathan pretends that he is taking big bites out of her stomach. Cassandra sounds almost hysterical from all the laughing.

"Hey you two." Natalie approaches the two of them with a hand full of groceries. "Honey, please grab the rest of the stuff out of the car." She gestures with her head to the car door which is still open.

"Okay, sure thing. Race you to the car." Cassandra is close behind him and he lets her win the race. "You're too good. I can't run as fast as you do. You win, I give up." He puts his hands on his knees and takes a deep breath. "Man I am so unfit." Jonathan says this more to himself than to anyone else.

"Yeah, I'm the winner and you're the loser." Cassandra places her finger and her thumb in a shape of an L on her forehead while all the time calling out: "Loser, loser, you are the loser." She picked up this sign at school.

"Okay, young lady why don't you go up to your room and get your books to show your mom everything you did today."

Still chanting this strange little rhyme she hops away toward the house.

"Hey Honey, how was your day?" Natalie is already busy fixing dinner as Jonathan enters the house with the last groceries in his hands.

Jonathan kisses her on the cheek which she holds out to him, her hands busy chopping vegetables.

"Fine thanks, although I didn't go to work today. I felt a little out of it this morning."

"Oh? You looked alright running after Cassandra though." She threw him a suspicious look. "Are you okay now? Why didn't you call me? I could have brought you something from the pharmacy on my way home."

Jonathan looks uncomfortable talking about it and quickly changes the subject. "I'm fine now, you don't have to worry. Maybe I just felt like playing hooky today. How was your day?" He busies himself by putting the groceries in the cupboards.

"The usual - my boss is breathing down my neck for that new presentation I'm working on but I still have to do the finishing touches on it. I think I will try to finish it tonight if that's okay with you." She gives him the look that shows that she's really sorry for bringing work home with her. There is an agreement between them that because the both of them work during the day they are not allowed bringing work home because their extra time in the evening belongs to Cassandra. They don't see their daughter during the day and so they must catch up with her in the evenings and on weekends. A healthy balance between work and parenting is very important to Jonathan.

"I don't mind, I'll read Cass her bedtime story tonight."

After dinner Jonathan and Cassandra offer to do the dishes while Natalie tries to do some work. It doesn't help much because Cassandra and Daddy Dearest is having a singing competition going on and they don't sing all that well. The whole neighbourhood's dogs are howling their heads off.

Finally, giving up after studying the same line for the tenth time Natalie decides to intervene.

"Okay you two I think its bath time for you Cass. I'll help your father with the rest of the dishes." Humming the chorus of 'The eye of the tiger' Cass leaves her parents to go and bath.

"Man I'm so glad you didn't quit your day job to become a professional singer, you would have sucked big time." Natalie laughs.

Jonathan just laughs and starts to sing 'Bad moon rising' at full volume. Natalie likes to tease her husband. Luckily he has a good sense of humour. Things are going a bit better between them of which she is very grateful because of all the pressure she is under at work.

"I see a bad moon rising..."

She punches him lightly on the arm.

"Ow, okay I promise I'll stop it."

"Babe can I ask you a stupid question?" Jonathan asks after a moment of silence on a more serious note.

"Sure, what's up?" Natalie knows that tone all too well. Something is definitely going on in her husband's head.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" He looks really serious as he says this.

Natalie starts to laugh. "Are you serious? Are you having me on Jon?"

Jonathan looks somewhat embarrassed. "No, I am truly serious."

"No, I don't. What brings this on, do you think our house is being haunted or something? You know you should really stop watching horror movies and all that shit." Natalie hates anything to do with horror and science fiction. To ask her such a question, Jonathan should have known better.

"No I'm just kidding around. I almost got you there for a second."

Jonathan doesn't look very impressed but let's face it, it is a stupid question. Of course there is no such thing as ghosts but it seems as if he wants to convince himself of that fact but why....?

"I think I hear the bath water running out, I better go and read Cass her story." Jonathan interrupts his wife's thoughts. Half way across the kitchen he turns and flips up his shirt's collar.

"Elvis is leaving the building! Thank you, thank you very much." He gives his best Elvis Presley imitation before spinning around on his heel and going out the kitchen door, leaving a perplexed Natalie staring after him.

***

"Somebody save me, don't care how you do it. Just save me..." Not so soon! I only got to sleep just now.

"Hello?" It's half past seven on a Sunday morning, why can't I be left alone to sleep until I wake up on my own.

It's Mandy phoning asking me to open up for her. She has left her key at James's apartment before they left for the holidays and apparently has neglected to get it back. Doubtful if she will ever get it, she could be such a don't-care sometimes. I open my door to find Mandy standing with her foot tapping impatiently on the step.

"What are you doing here so early? I thought you and James were only coming back tomorrow." I'm not wide awake and I feel really messed up.

"How can you forget?" Mandy looks a little irritated with me but I still don't understand.

"I was supposed to pick you up for breakfast? I told you that I wanted to spend some time with you for a change." I gasp as realisation begins to sink in. I am supposed to go for breakfast with Mandy to catch up with all the news of the past holiday.

"I'm so sorry Mandy I totally forgot." That's what happens when there is a new interest in your life. "Give me a second to dress and then we can leave." My eyes feels all puffy, I must look hideous.

"I gather from your appearance that your date was successful?"

I can't help but smile. "You can say so, I guess. I'll tell you all about it when I'm finished."

On our way to Mugg and Bean I try to stall as long as I can with the news about Richard. I start by telling Mandy about my aunts' wedding and all the things I engaged in this past December.

"Are you going to tell me what happened with Richard or are you going to let me suffer some more?" Mandy can't help herself, her curiosity always gets the best of her.

"I think you suffered enough. Where shall I start...?"

"At the beginning and don't you dare leave out a single detail."

I smile to myself; I wonder what will develop out of this friendship with Richey.

"Well, you saw Richey that Saturday night when we went to Impala and you know he danced with me the whole night."

"Yes, I know all the boring details. Give me the dirty details. How was your date and where did you go? Did he kiss you good night?" Mandy's eyes are positively glowing with intense curiosity.

I am shocked. "Mandy! I never kiss a guy on the first date. I barely know him." I say indignantly.

"Yes, yes I know. Now tell me about the date." She nags.

I then proceed to tell her about the slipper escapade.

"Are you serious? Man that must have been embarrassing. I wish I could have seen that. I would have laughed myself silly." She's giggling now and people are beginning to stare.

I relate to her the last embarrassment of forgetting my key in the door and we both giggle about how I am always so organised and normally would never do such a thing.

"Oh boy, you must really like this guy very much that you are so distracted by him, girlfriend!" she gasps, wiping her eyes.

I tell her about the chick flick we went to see; 'A walk to remember,' and I must agree with her that he was trying to impress me which I really don't mind because I am not an action movie fan. Afterwards we went to Panarotti's for a pizza and we had a fabulous time.

"He sounds like a really nice guy. You must introduce us properly some time. Do you think he is potential boyfriend material?"

I pull my face at her. That is all she can think about. She just wants me to have a boyfriend so we can go out on double dates and that I don't look so pathetic alone when I go out with them. I know she only means well but I'm not a person to get involved so easily with someone. "We are just getting to know each other a little bit better now."

"And? Is that all?" She annoys me when she gets so pushy and she knows it and just doesn't care.

"Yes, I want to get to know him first and then I'll decide if he is a suitable friend."

Mandy's mouth drops open. "You just want to be friends?" I can see the disbelief in her eyes.

"What do you expect? I'm not rushing into a relationship again. I just want a friend for now." I play around with the spoon in my coffee, not wanting to look at her scrutinising gaze.

"Wow okay if you say so but I think you are blind. He is a very attractive guy and he won't be single for long."

Time to change the subject, I don't feel like discussing this matter any further with her.

"Oh, look at the time. I think we better be going, I still have to get my things ready for tomorrow and I haven't even fully unpacked yet."

Mandy doesn't look to impressed, I can see that she has missed me and wanted to catch up some more or she wanted more details about Richard.

"Oh okay. I guess you're right."

"You can always help me unpack and then we can catch up some more. We can even get a movie when we are finished. What do you say?"

"Yes, sure I can do that. I have to unpack my things as well and it isn't as if I have anything better to do anyway, James is hanging out with some friends."

I'm glad to be back. It gets lonely not having friends around. I'm very privileged to have Mandy in my life, she is a good friend.

***

Jonathan is the first one to wake up in the household of the Bates'. Like every other morning he goes to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Not really paying attention to his surroundings he doesn't see the child at first.

"Hey Mister did you sleep okay?"

Jonathan drops the glass he is holding. It shatters in the basin. He got such a shock that his heart almost stopped.

"What the... Who are you and how did you get into my house?"

"Don't you recognise me? I'm Millie? Cassandras' friend? Man you are slow." Millie looks really irritated with Jonathan for not remembering her.

"What do you mean you're Cass's friend? Millie is an imaginary friend, she's not real, and you are not real." He feels terror gripping him by the throat, making him choke.

"Well, you can see me so that must make me real." The child smiles at him but it looks more like a snarl.

"But...." Is this someone's idea of a joke?

"Jonathan, what's going on? Who are you talking with? Is everything alright?" He turns to the sound of his wife coming from the hall and when he looks back, the proclaimed Millie was nowhere to be seen.

"Umm, ye..yes everything is fine, I just dropped a glass by accident. Not such a big deal, I'll just clean this up quickly. I'll be with you in a bit."

Damn, I must have been sleepwalking; I can't really just have seen my daughters' imaginary friend that is just ridiculous. Jonathan thinks to himself.

After cleaning up the broken glass and walking through the house reassuring himself that he didn't really saw Cass's imaginary friend, he climbed back into bed but the strange feeling about what he just saw or thought he saw was not letting go of him.

***

I'm in a graveyard. It's very foggy all around. I walk around looking at the tombstones, not knowing what I'm searching for. The early in the morning breeze is chilly against my skin. As I walk further into the graveyard the fog gets thicker. Suddenly the fog completely surrounds me and I can't see a thing. Somewhere in the background an owl is screeching. I try to get out of the graveyard, retracing my footsteps to where I started. I don't think it's working though; it feels as if I'm walking in circles.

Wait, there in the distance I see something looming ahead. As I approach it I realise that it is an open grave, freshly opened and just waiting to receive the body that will be buried soon. My curiosity gets the best of me and I lean a bit forward so that I can get a clear view of the hole, without the risk of falling in. There is an open casket inside, I can't see clearly but there is a person in the casket. Oho, that's not good! I can smell the decay of the body.

As I try to look away the body suddenly sits upright. I am frozen in terror! It feels as if I'm about to faint but that feeling quickly passes as I recognise the decomposing body.

"You? Oh my gosh!" The zombie starts to climb out of the grave, he is coming for me!

"You killed me, I'm going to get you." The raspy voice sends chills down my spine.

"That's impossible, you're not dead." The thing is very quick; he is already out of the grave and is reaching for me. The smell of his rotten, dead meat breath is sickening.

I want to run away but as try as I might I can't seem to get away. It's like jogging in one place the whole time. My legs are burning as I run but I'm still on the same spot I was a moment ago.

I take the courage to look behind me to see if the zombie is gaining on me. As I turn the thing lunges as me. The yellow fingernails dig into my throat...

I wake up screaming my lungs out. What? It was only a dream? Well, that's a relief but it felt so real. I could feel the hand touching me and my legs burnt so bad, actually my legs are still burning but I see the reason why. I am on the bed and I am lying with my one leg under the other one, cutting of my blood flow. I have got pins and needles now. I wasn't near the bed the last time I was awake, how did I get here?

My captor must have dropped me on the bed after drugging me. How kind of him, I think sarcastically. How long have I been stuck in this room and how much longer will it be till I will be rescued or killed? I shudder as I think of that last option. The only thing that keeps me hoping is the fact that I'm not dead already. Why will this person keep me so long without killing me? Is he holding me as a hostage to get ransom money from my family? We are not a wealthy family but we are not poor either.

I think about my husband and children and wonder if they are worried about me and if they are out there somewhere looking for me. I miss them so much, my son holding on to his favourite teddy bear and my daughter with her blonde hair and stunning smile standing beside her little brother. My daughter has always been very protective of her brother. No one at school will ever bully him if they know what's good for them. I have the most wonderful children in the entire world.

There is someone at the door. I take a deep breath as I wait for my captor to come in and kill me. A tall man with blonde hair and cold, deep blue eyes enters the room. He has a tray of food with him.

"Who are you?" I demand.

He walks over to the table all the while watching me carefully and places the food there. It doesn't seem as if he is going to answer me.

"Where am I and why are you holding me prisoner?" I try once more.

"Sorry Madam but I am not at liberty to say anything." He has a foreign accent I can't place. His voice sounds very pleasant it does not portray the same emotion as his eyes. That is the only thing he says before he leaves the room as soon as possible. It almost looks like he is afraid of me. That can't be right that would be ridiculous, I'm the prisoner here.

I'm sure that he is not my captor; he wouldn't have acted like this if he was. He may be a servant or an accomplice. I walk over to the tray. The food smells delicious. There are scrambled eggs, bacon and toast with jam on and a little salad on the side. The smell triggers my stomach and I attack the food with no reserve.

***

It's been two months since we met and we still can't get enough of each other. Don't get me wrong we are still just friends but we like each other's company and we SMS each other every day at least a dozen times. Today is the first time I am going to his place. He has a bachelors flat not far from campus and surprisingly enough the flat is very clean.

"Wow, I'm impressed. I thought your flat would be a mess."

He laughs a throaty laugh. "It just goes to show how much there is about me that you don't know. I have got a lot of sides you haven't seen yet." He draws me to his chest.

"Oh, is that so?" I smile my most charming smile at him.

"Yes, I'm full of surprises." Letting me go he walks over to the fridge to find us something to drink.

"Would you like some fruit juice? I don't have any soda but if you would prefer Coke or Fanta I can quickly go and buy some." He looks a little bit nervous.

"Fruit juice is fine. I don't drink a lot of soda, you should know by now." He hands me a bottle of fruit juice before opening his own.

Richard is a very nice guy. I didn't think we could get so close to each other. I assumed he was just like other guys but he's not. He is unique in so many ways, he is a gentleman.

"So what are your plans for this evening?" He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. It feels as if I can get lost in his eyes.

"I don't know, maybe I will start with my Accounting tonight."

"On a Friday night? What's wrong with you?" He looks at me with a mock shocked expression on his face.

"What else is there to do? Have you got any suggestions?"

Attempting to look as if he is thinking very hard he answers:

"Well, there is a small place where a person can play pool and hang out. What do you say? It does sound better than studying."

How can I say no to a face like his?

"Well, sure. Why not? I can start studying another day."

He seems very pleased with himself.

"Do you want me to take you home so that you can go and make yourself prettier or can we just leave from here directly?"

"Is there a reason to get dressed up? We are going to play pool I don't think I should get dressed up just for that."

"True words. Besides you are pretty enough. So are we going?" He gets up and starts walking to the door, looking for his keys.

"Sure, let's go."

The place he takes me to is a small little place across the street from the mall. It looks more like a ten pin bowling bar than anything else.

"This looks like a ten pin bowling bar."

"Because this is a ten pin bowling bar. Don't worry though we won't attempt the ten pin bowling tonight, we will start with the easiest first."

"Okay if you say so." He escorts me through the doorway.

We walk into the bar and the smoky air rushes to greet us at the door. I can see no pool tables anywhere. He takes my hand and leads me to a staircase. At the top there is a bar and a row of three pool tables and all of them are in use.

"It looks like your plan isn't going to work. All the pool tables are already occupied." I feel a little bit relieved because I know I can't play pool to save my life and besides I want to stand here with his hand in mine forever.

"No worries we can wait. Would you like something to drink in the meanwhile?"

"I'll settle for a chocolate milkshake. Do they serve chocolate milkshakes?" He smiles at me, unaware of how adorable he looks with that smile on his face.

"Unfortunately not. I'll make you a deal: After we are finished here I'll stick you for a milkshake at the mall. How does that sound?" I try to keep him in suspense but it doesn't work and I quickly agree.

"It's a deal."

"Come with me." He is holding my hand again.

He leads me to a glass door going out onto a little stoop. It feels good to be in the outside air again, the smoke started to give me a headache.

"This feels good." He walks to the railing and takes a deep breath.

"I agree." I can stand here the whole night I feel so at ease with Richey even when we are not talking. There is never an awkward silence between us.

"You know, you are a beautiful person on the inside as well as on the outside. I'm glad I met you." I didn't realise he was staring at me. I can feel my face getting all warm and tiny butterflies are beginning to flutter in the pit of my stomach. What if he kissed me now? Would I faint?

"If it weren't for Facebook then you would have never seen me again. I was actually a little disappointed when you didn't ask my number but I'm glad you found me on Facebook."

"Yep, technology is a wonderful thing. I'm sorry I didn't ask your number but I'm actually a very shy person."

I can't help but laugh. He is so sweet.

One of the guy's from the pool tables calls Richey and tells him that they are finished. Damn.

I didn't suck so much at pool as I initially thought, but I'm sure Richey just felt sorry for me and let me won that one game. We are on our way to Milky Lane just as he promised. It's pretty late, the pool games took a lot of time. The Milky Lane is deserted and we are the only customers here. Richey choses a table in the corner.

"This is nice - we have the whole place to ourselves." He holds the chair for me.

"Yes it's pretty cool."

We know exactly what we want and order as soon as the waiter shuffles forward to come and take our order.

"Can I ask you a question?" He is looking at me again but this time he has an intense look in his eyes.

"Sure what is it?" He looks kind of uncomfortable as he tries to put the right words together.

"Okay, here goes nothing. We have known each other for two months or so already and I think you are a great girl. I know we don't know everything about each other but I'm sure we can get to know the unknown part of each other as the time passes. I'm really crazy about you and I think we will make a cute couple. Will you go out with me?" He says all this with just one breath.

I can't breathe, am I imagining this? I didn't expect this I thought he only wanted to be friends.

"Wow, I don't know what to say."

He lets out the breath he has been holding since he stopped talking.

"Yes, will be the prefect thing to say about now." The look in his hazel eyes made me melt inside.

I'm going to do this. I know I said that I only wanted to be friends with Richard but he is perfect boyfriend material.

"Yes." It almost sound inaudible.

"I didn't quite get that. What did you say?" He leans a bit towards me.

"I said I will go out with you. I said yes." I can't help but smile.

"That's great. You will see that I will be the best boyfriend you ever had."

He takes my hand and I can see the pleasure from my response clearly on his face.

"I think you just made me the luckiest man alive tonight."

I don't know what to say. I can hardly catch my breath.

"Thank you, I'm so glad that you're my girlfriend."

He leans across the table and our lips meet to share our very first passionate kiss.

CHAPTER 3

Jonathan went to the office just like any other Monday. It's really been stressful for him these past few months. The company he is working for is not doing so well. The economical conditions took a toll on all the businesses and this company was not an exception. The top management has put him to task of getting new contracts which will help the company survive longer and get past this difficult time. This has put a lot of stress on Jonathan to come up with new ideas. He is racking his brain to come up with something original and to make matters worse his boss has given him an ultimatum that if he doesn't come up with anything good in a month's time they will be forced to let him go.

Thinking sullen thoughts and staring out the window of his office he didn't even notice the person standing in his door. He turns around to find her standing there.

"This can't be happening? What the hell are you doing here?" He rubs his eyes and closes them, slowly opening them again to see if the person in front of him will vanish into thin air.

"I'm Millie. Cass's friend, don't you remember me? Well, from the look on your face I can see that you must recall me. What's up?" Millie walks over to his desk and sits herself down in the chair opposite him.

Jonathan is white in the face. This can't be true. He must be really overworked that is it.

"What do you want from me? You are not real. Why do I keep seeing you?" He is beginning to get angry. He has enough to deal with and now he must deal with this as well.

"I don't want to see you anymore. Leave now and stay the hell away from me, do you hear me?"

He didn't realise that he was screaming. He turns to the door. A very nervous secretary is standing in the door. She looks very startled.

"Are, ummm... is everything okay?"

"I was just talking to this young lady, she was just leaving." She looks at Jonathan with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Who are you talking about? There is no one in your office."

Jonathan turns around franticly looking around, seeing no one on the chair. He runs to the desk, looking under it. There is nothing there. The secretary slowly backtracks her way to the door.

"Sir, are you okay? Must I cancel your appointments for today? You don't look so good. Why don't you call in sick for the rest of the day?"

"No, no I'm okay I just had a bad dream. I must have nodded off. I don't get much sleep these days." He can see that she doesn't believe him.

"Okay if you're sure, sir." She turns and quickly closes the door behind her.

***

"I've got good news. Can you come over?" I am so thrilled I must share my good news with Mandy. I've already told Aunt Ellen and she is ecstatic, she believes Richard is my dream man.

Mandy agrees to meet me at the flat. She hasn't been home for the whole week. I can tell she is very excited about whatever news I have for her. She will flip when I tell her that Richey and I am an item. I'm excited myself, I was single for so long it doesn't seem real to me yet.

After we finished our milkshakes last night Richard came to drop me off. He's called me three times already today. It's so unbelievable. I feel the need to pinch myself time and again just to be sure I am not dreaming. He is meeting me later today to meet Mandy. It's only fair; I've kept him to myself for two months now.

I didn't have to wait too long before Mandy comes around the corner in her little white Escort. It seems like she only waited for me to call her because she is here in record time.

"What's up? From your voice on the phone it sounded that you have something important to tell me?"

I can't help but smile, I just feel so happy.

"It's about Richard."

Her eyes widens and I can see that she is totally engrossed in what I am about to tell her. "What about him? Did he..."

I didn't give her a chance to finish her thought. "He asked me out last night." There is a moment of silence before she realise what I just told her.

"That's amazing! I'm so happy for you, Cassandra. I told you that you would be more than friends." She hugs me.

"Yeah you did. So much for just being friends."

"What changed your mind? Are you finally ready to enter the relationship world?"

"Seems like it. I don't know what changed my mind. I think I have a shot at being happy with Richey. He is a real stand-up guy, you know."

"I wish I can say the same but I can't corroborate on that one just yet. Maybe if I meet Mr Perfect I would feel that way." She looks at me with a pleading look on her face. She really wants to meet Richey and her soul won't rest if I don't formally introduce them.

"Well, I don't know. Richey is a very shy guy..." I can't help but take the opportunity to play around with her.

"I'm your best friend and it is my duty that I ensure that you don't enter into a relationship with some weirdo that I don't know. I only have your best interest at heart." She can get so melodramatic sometime. I roll my eyes.

"Your duty?" I laugh out loud and put her out of her misery. "Your wish is my command. You are about to meet Richard in about ten minutes' time."

"You planned this all along? How can you be so mean, keeping me in suspense this whole time?" She tries her best to give me an angry look but if fails dismally. She is too excited to be angry. She laughs instead.

"This will be interesting."

As if called by some magical force, Richard turns the corner. He sees me and flashes me a perfect smile as he parks his Ford Focus on the other side of the road. It takes him a while before he gets out of the car with a dozen or so red roses.

"Hey Beautiful, I missed you." He gives me a tight, quick hug.

"Hey Richey. I want you to meet my best friend, Mandy. Mandy this is my day old boyfriend, Richey." He puts on his most charming smile and extends a hand toward Mandy.

"Nice to finally meet you, Mandy. I heard a lot about you." I can't believe it, Mandy is actually blushing!

"Nice to meet you too."

It seems as if they will get on just fine.

"Shall we go up for coffee?" I'm really glad that the two of them met today. I just hope that they will get along, l really need this to work.

"Sure, let's go."

He takes my hand and leads us to the flat.

***

"Daddy!" Cassandra runs to meet her dad at the front door. Jonathan drops his suitcase and reach out to give Cassandra a big hug.

"I missed you so much." Jonathan says as Natalie comes walking toward the two of them where they are in an embrace, the door wide open behind them.

"How was your trip?" Jonathan knows that his two girls hate it when he goes away and this time was no different. He had to go and meet some hot shot businessman in Cape Town who may be interested in a contract with his company. If this guy signs a contract with the company Jonathan's problems will be solved for now. It will assure his job for a couple of months at least.

"It was fine I just missed you guys a lot." He closes the door behind him and gives his wife a kiss when Cassandra eventually let him go.

"We missed you too. Unfortunately tomorrow is a school day and so it's time to go to bed, Cass." Natalie turns and put her hand on Cassandras' shoulder.

"Can I just stay up for a little bit, please? Dad just got here. Please Mommy, please?" She hangs onto her mother's dress, her face pulled as if in agony.

"No, I already had you up past your bedtime so that you could see your father when he got home. So you saw him and now it's time for bed, you can catch up tomorrow morning. Off to bed little lady I don't want to struggle with you any longer." She turns to her father trying the same strategy.

"Please Dad?"

"No Sweetie I'm very tired and I'm going to bed myself now."

Disappointment shows clearly on her angelic face.

"I'll tell you what, if you got to bed now I will come and read you a short bedtime story." That seemed to please her.

"Okay see you in a bit, I will pick a story for you." She runs up the stairs before anyone can say anything.

When Jonathan had put his suitcases in the bedroom he went to read Cassandra her bedtime story. He enters the room on the far side of the hall just to find his little princess fast asleep with a storybook on her lap. She chose Huckleberry Finn, it's her favourite book and she still isn't bored with the story after three years. He gently takes the book from her hands and places it beside her bed. She looks as peaceful as Snow White must have looked when the evil queen had put a spell on her. He pulls the covers over her and kisses her on the forehead.

"Well, looks like I'm off the hook. Cass is fast asleep."

"Lucky you. So do you think you will land the contract?" To Natalie her husband seems worn out. He is very pale and there are dark shadows under his eyes that weren't there before. She knows that he seems very worried about his work lately.

"I sincerely hope so - if I don't get this one I can kiss my job goodbye." Jonathan falls onto the bed. Not wanting to continue this conversation he quickly changes the subject. "Has Cass said anything while I was away about her imaginary friend? Does she still see her?" Natalie shot her husband a concerned look. "Yes, she and the friend played together this afternoon. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious you know. I thought that this friend must have been gone by now."

"You know Jonathan I don't even want to discuss this now. You were the one that is always giving me the Third Degree on this imaginary friend bullshit and you know the doctor said that we can't force her to stop seeing her friend; it must go away at its own. So what brings this up?" Natalie can't help but feel irritated. He hasn't been at home for an hour and all he can talk about is Cassidy and her imaginary friend.

"Have you ever considered the possibility that this friend might be a ghost?" Jonathan said barely breathing.

She turns to look Jonathan straight in the eyes.

"Are you kidding me? You know there are no such thing as ghosts."

"Well, I'm just worried." He shrugged.

"Don't you mean delusional? Since when do you believe in ghosts? Oh my goodness the other night! You actually weren't kidding when you asked me about it." Natalie shook her head in disbelief. Could he be losing his mind?

Jonathan can feel his face reddening.

"I don't believe in ghosts it's just a theory. You know if imaginary friends do exist then there might as well be ghosts." Jonathan could kick himself for bringing up the subject. He knew well how his wife would react. If she can't see or have a logical explanation for something she does not tolerate it.

Natalie laughs a short laugh and climbs into bed. "And next you are going to tell me that the Tooth Fairy is also real."

"Forget I even mentioned it. Good night Natalie." He climbs into bed and turns the light off.

***

Mandy and I met each other at the Student Centrum - or as we all know it – the SS.

"So what do you think about Richey?" I had introduced them on Saturday but I haven't had a chance to get any feedback from Mandy. Richey is very glad to have met Mandy and he believes that they could be friends.

"He is a very sweet guy and I think you are going to be very happy with him. He is a real gentleman I wish I can get James to take some lessons from Richey." I smile, this is very good news for me. It's important that my boyfriend and best friend gets along because it could never work with me and Richard if they didn't get along.

"Are you serious? This is very good news. I'm so glad you think he's nice. I told you he was a sweet guy."

Mandy's face is thoughtful. "It puzzles me that you kept him to yourself for so long when he is such a nice guy. Why did you wait so long to introduce us, if I'm at liberty to ask?"

"I don't know. I was afraid that you wouldn't like him or that he wouldn't like you?" She laughs at my paranoia.

"Would it have changed anything if I didn't like him or if he didn't like me?" I can see what she is getting at.

"I don't know. Yes, I get your drift it was a stupid way of thinking about this."

"Well then, I rest my case." She glances at her watch.

"Shoot, I have to go, I have Chemistry now. I'll call you later and we can organise a little get together for the four of us. Take care." Mandy rushes through the groups of people entering the SS.

"Okay, sure you do that." I wave but she is already out of sight.

The SS is a big two storey cafeteria with a shop in one corner on the ground floor and benches to sit and eat lunch or watch TV on both floors.

I sit and think of the past weekend. Yesterday Richey came to pick me up and we went to church, I had a difficult time concentrating on what the message was. I was too excited to sit there with Richard beside me and holding my hand. I could only think of the way his heart beat faster when we kissed and the smell of his aftershave. After church we just sat at the flat talking the hours away and watching DVD's. Well, most of the time I was the one watching the movie and he was watching me. He told me that he liked the way I pulled my face when something weird or soppy happened in the movies. He made me blush for that.

"Hey stranger. How are you doing?" Startled out of my own world I see Teddy standing at the other side of the table I am sitting at.

"Hey, Ted. Grab a seat. It's been a while since we hung out." He flops down onto the chair next to me.

"Yeah, your right. Why don't we go for a pizza tonight?"

"I can't tonight, I have other plans unfortunately."

"That's a first, since when do you shoot me down when we have a chance to hang out? My feelings are hurt." He puts a hand to his heart and looks at me with a sarcastic smile playing on his lips.

"Ha-ha, very funny." I know he is just playing but I can't help feeling bad.

"Sorry, we must definitely do it some other time." He looks me straight in the face.

"You look strange though, what's going on? What plans do you have for tonight?" He is very suspicious and he knows me to well so I can't lie to him now.

"I met this guy a couple of months ago and he asked me out this weekend." I can see the surprise in his eyes and maybe just a bit of disappointment (that could also be my imagination).

"Oh, wow. Congratulations. I hope it works out for you two."

"Thanks Teddy that really means a lot to me."

"So what are you going to do tonight?"

"Well, we are doubling with Mandy and James." He rolls his eyes.

"Okay enjoy it. I have to go. Call me if you still want to hang out some time. See ya."

He didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye.

***

It seems like a week or forever since I've been trapped in this damned room. I don't ever see anyone except for the guy who brings my food to me three times a day. He is a very weird guy and he doesn't want to tell me anything, not even his own name. He always looks nervous when he comes in. I don't know what his case is any way. It feels as if I'm losing my head, I can't sit still like this. I tried to listen through the door a few times but I can't hear a thing, I think the door and the room for that matter is soundproof. I tried to scream to but no one seemed to mind my wailing.

I hear someone at the door. That's strange because the weird guy was just here an hour ago with my lunch – a chicken fillet and Greek salad. I sit with my eyes glued to the door but no one is coming in here. This must be some kind of trick: I heard the door unlock, I am sure of that. I wait another minute or so but still nobody enters. I get up as quietly as possible and tiptoe to the door. I was about half way to the door when suddenly I hear the key turn in the lock again. What is with these people? They unlock the door just to leave again about two minutes later without coming in. What kind of sick mind game is this?

I stalk back to the bed and flop down on it as hard as I can. I'm so frustrated I can kill someone just about now. I hear something again there is someone at the door again. I don't bother to get up or to even look up to the door I'm in no mood for mind games. Two seconds later the door opened and Mr Weirdo and one of his friends enter the room. What now? Are they finally here to kill me?

"Madam we have come to take you out of this room." The Weirdo is speaking to me while the other one just stands there gaping at me.

"Finally! Are you going to take me home now or kill me?" He looks at me with a serious look on his face.

"No Madam we are just transferring you to a more... comfortable room." I can't believe my ears. I can feel all the frustration of the past few days pushing up inside of me.

"Are you serious? What's the deal? Kill me or let me go free. What the hell is wrong with you? You can't kidnap people as you please..." I start to walk to him, ready to take him by the collar and shake him as hard as I possibly can.

"Please Madam, just remain calm." The other one rips out a syringe, ready to stick it into my neck.

"Don't you dare stick that needle into me." I turn to Weirdo's friend and wave my finger at him in warning.

"Madam, if you would just stay calm, this won't be necessary." The other one mentions to the syringe. His voice is menacing as he addresses me.

"Okay, I'll be nice." I put my hands up as if to surrender.

"Okay, good. Now let's get you out of here and don't try anything funny." The other one mentions to Weirdo to lead the way and he stands at the back of me with the syringe still in his hands.

"If you think I will walk through that door with you behind me with that thing still in your hand, you are clearly mistaken." My eyes are fixed on the syringe I'm ready to do anything I possibly can if he decides to come even an inch of a step closer to me.

"I'll put it away." He takes the thing and put it in his shirt pocket. "Happy?"

I'm not at all impressed with where he puts the syringe but I disguise my annoyance.

"Sure."

Weirdo starts to walk out the door. Outside the room there is a long corridor with a few doors further down the corridor on the left side and one door straight ahead of us. Weirdo halts a little way from the room to turn back and lock the door. He walks past me and the other one and puts the key in the lock. I kick the other one in the privates and make a run for it. I am half way down the corridor and look back to see if I'm being followed. Weirdo is yelling his head off for some help while the other one is rolling around on the floor pressing his hands to where the impact of my foot had come down. I suddenly burst out laughing, I'm free! I look back to see where the door are. I'm running like the wind, they will never catch up to me now. I steal a look behind me one more time and as I turn I am at the door, I am just about to push the door open when somebody beats me to it and slam the door right into me, I stumble backwards and can't seem to get my balance back. I fall flat on my ass. A new face towers over me as he smiles and says: "Sweet dreams, Lady." He sticks the needle into my neck and I once again join the world of darkness.

***

It's the most hated day of days for me today. Today is my birthday, I'm 21 today. It's 25 August today. It's a bad day for me because I realise I'm just getting older and it depresses me to think of getting old. The worst of all is that every year my Aunt organises something special for me and I just have to smile and be happy the whole time. I really appreciate everything she does for me but it doesn't change the fact that my birthday is depressing to me.

"Somebody save me, don't care how you..."

"Hello? Hi Aunt Ellen."

Here come the birthday wishes. My Aunt is always the first to call me wishing me well on my birthday. She can't be with me because she and Derrick is on a trip to the Maldives. They wish I could be there, but of course I know they don't need a third person to hamper their fun. But far be it from me to begrudge her happiness, goodness knows she deserves it.

I hear a knock on my door. Who could that be? I open the door to find my most wonderful boyfriend standing outside the door with at least a dozen red roses in one hand and a little red wrapped box in the other.

"Hey, Beautiful. Happy birthday." He holds the roses out to me.

"Come in, you'll freeze out there."

He gives me the roses and puts the box on the table next to the door.

"Thanks, their beautiful." He pulls me to him and kisses me fiercely.

"They don't come close to your beauty." Every time I see him he still manages to make me blush.

"I hope you like your gifts." He takes the box and places it in my hands.

"Open it."

"Okay, thanks." I tear the paper as neatly as I can without ruining it.

"Wow." I open the packet inside to find a smaller box in a long shape inside. Inside there is the most beautiful silver necklace I have ever seen. On the necklace there is a silver cross lined with diamonds all over.

"Wow, it's so beautiful! Thank you Richard you are the best." I throw my arms around him and kiss him on the lips.

"Are you ready to go?" He smiles a charming smile. I'm confused.

"Go where?" I look at him suspiciously.

"You didn't think I would let you stay at home the whole day, did you?"

"What about my classes?" He considers this for a little bit.

"Call someone to take notes for you; you won't be going to class today." I wonder what he is up to.

"I'll get dressed. Make yourself at home and while you're at it make some coffee, will you." I know it won't help if I argue with him, so I will just go with it for now.

"You're very bossy today."

I close my bedroom door and I am already struggling with the thought of what to wear today.

Half an hour later I was ready to go. I went through a lot of trouble to put on make-up and I even dressed in my best looking clothes.

"Wow, you look amazingly, breathtakingly beautiful." I love the look on his face right this minute.

"Thank you very much, you are so kind."

"My pleasure. Shall we go Madam? Your carriage awaits you." He bows forward and gives me his arm to take.

***

Natalie is very worried these past few months. It is weird to be worried about your husband instead of your daughter, it feels very wrong. Jonathan has made some weird comments that have Natalie worried. It's probably not something serious but definitely worrying. She heard Jonathan ask Cassandra about her imaginary friend, Millie.

It's not the questions that he asked that made Natalie worry but the confession he made has her thinking that there might be something wrong with him. She remembers that night clearly:

The three of them were busy playing snakes and ladders when she suggested a little break to go and make hot chocolate for them. She went to the kitchen to put up the water and then on her return to the living room she heard them discussing something in hushed voices. Not being a very curios person, but being worried as she had been recently she couldn't resist eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Cass?" Cassandra was busy arranging all the chess pieces of the four-in-one board game in a line on the floor.

"Yes, Daddy?"

He leant toward her and talked in a hushed voice. "Is Millie still playing with you some days?"

"Yes, some days but not all the time like we used to play."

He scratches his head, pondering something. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes, I'm the best secret keeper in the whole wide world."

He smiles tenderly at his little girl.

"You know how we say that Millie is an imaginary friend?"

"Yes, I know but she isn't one to me. I CAN see her and I play with her all the time. I'm not making this up, I promise." She puts up her hand as if swearing an oath.

"I believe you. To tell you the truth I don't believe Millie is an imaginary friend, I saw her too." There is amazement in Cassandras' eyes as her dad confesses this.

"See I told you she is real."

Natalie was afraid to where this conversation will lead and therefore tiptoed to the kitchen to finish the hot chocolate. Natalie felt very confused, she didn't know what to do or say and so she didn't mention her eavesdropping to her husband. Maybe he just said that to... Natalie doesn't have a clue why he said that, she is also too scared to ask him about it. What will she do if the answer isn't the one she is looking for?

Today is the day that she can't keep this secret to herself anymore and she decides to confront Jonathan. She went home an hour earlier so that she and Jonathan will have time to talk before Cassandra comes home.

She just poured herself a glass of white wine when Jonathan stumbled through the door.

"Leave me alone. I got the message. I never want to see you again, stay away from me and my daughter." He is definitely not talking to me, he doesn't know I'm here my car is parked in the garage. There is silence for a half second.

"Shut up! Just shut up! What did I do to deserve this?"

Natalie can't take it anymore she walks into the hall to see if she is not delusional or if Jonathan isn't talking to someone on the phone. Relief spills through her as she sees that he is on the phone.

"Go to hell, Jim." He puts down the phone and walks past me without seeing me.

"Well, hello to you too. What's biting you?" Natalie follows him to the alcohol cabinet where he pours himself a glass of Scotch. He empties the glass with the first swallow and refills his glass. He closes the cabinet and plops into a chair.

"Will you just please talk to me?"

He glances up and it looks as if it's the first time he sees her.

"Sorry, I didn't see you." He sits with his head in his hands.

"What's the matter?"

"The guy from Cape Town didn't sign. I lost my job."

***

Today was a blast I never had so much fun on my birthday before. Richey took me to this Lodge a couple of kilometres from Potchefstroom. He planned a champagne breakfast for the two of us. It was beautiful. We sat on a blanket by the river with an undisturbed view of the nature around us. The food was delicious and the atmosphere was just right.

After we spent the whole morning by the river at the lodge we went to meet Mandy and James. The two of them made up the whole front room of Richey's flat for me with balloons, banners and all the trimmings. I was really surprised to see that the three of them had gone to so much trouble to surprise me.

We spent the rest of the day hanging out and we also closed off the day with a braai. It was awesome to hang out with my friends as well as my boyfriend at the same time. Even Teddy came around and hung out for a couple of hours. At least it looks like he doesn't despise Richard. He doesn't like the idea of me having a boyfriend but what can he do? I can't wait my whole life for him to decide if he wants to be with me or not.

We are driving to my flat now and I'm feeling in a super good mood thanks to the wonderful people in my life.

"Thanks for everything Richey I really appreciate it and I enjoyed myself tremendously."

He smiles at me. That special smile that make my knees go weak and my heart pound.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll do anything to see you happy. You mean a lot to me."

I can't help but blush at his words.

"I'm glad you're my boyfriend."

He laughs at me.

"And I'm glad to be your boyfriend."

The time passes to quickly. We are already at my flat and it is time to say good night.

"I'll call you the first thing tomorrow morning and there won't be a second till then that I won't miss you."

I laugh at how corny that just sounded. "I'll miss you too. Good luck with cleaning your flat." I close the door and walk to the other side of the car to give him a good night kiss.

He seems very pleased at how things turned out today. He waves as he drives away, blowing me a kiss.

***

My head hurts a lot. I open my eyes to new surroundings, where am I now? It's the second time in a few days that I wake up and don't know what is going on. I lay still for a while to get my thoughts together. Slowly I heave myself up to a sitting position. I'm in a different room than before, I'm on a bed which is a bit more comfortable than the one in that other room. The walls are all painted white and there still are no windows, just a little square in the door. The duvet on the bed has got the same flower print. There are some other changes as well: There are two beds in this room and a table in the middle of the room with two chairs under it. The same furniture is just in another room and the only difference is that there is a door that leads to the toilet.

My whole body feels weak and I fall backwards onto the bed to give my arms a rest. It must be from the impact with the door that I feel so sore and stiff. This whole setup, whatever it may be, is my worst nightmares come true.

I drift in and out of unconsciousness, struggling to stay awake. Finally I give in and let the darkness take me. I awoke somewhere in the night from one of the vivid dreams. The whole time I was asleep I had the most terrible dreams. Some of the dreams about my family and some dreams about myself. The room was dark - these maniacs must have some clock system which switches of the lights at a certain time. I need to go to the toilet badly but I don't know the room and I didn't register where exactly the bathroom door was placed when I surveyed the room this morning, I feel messed up. It took my eyes a while to adjust to the darkness but eventually I was able to identify my immediate surroundings. I think I will be able to navigate myself to the toilet and back.

I feel a lot better now that I have relieved myself, I even feel a little bit happier (Bizarrely so).

I walk back to the bed like a blind person without his walking stick. I reach the bed and lie down again. There must be something wrong with me because I still feel tired even though I slept all day. I decides that there aren't anything better to do anyway so I will try to sleep some more. It took me only a few minutes or so before I was back in my terrible dreams.

Its morning and some terrible noise just woke me up. It sounds as if someone is trying to sing but not succeeding very well with it. I rub my eyes and open one eye. The noise is definitely coming from inside this room. The lyric sounds vaguely familiar. Just can't get my head around it:

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?

I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means

(I'm not okay)

Realisation hits home and I sit up as fast as possible that my head is in a spin. I franticly look around to see if I was once again taken to a new room. I'm still in the same room though with one exception: Sitting on the bed across from me there is a woman staring at me. It takes me by surprise and my heart are racing in my chest. My eyes widen in terror as I ask:

"What the hell are you doing here?"

***

It's been three months since Jonathan has lost his job and things aren't going better. He didn't even try to apply let alone look through the classifieds for a new job. He just sits around the house all day and mope. Natalie can't take it anymore but what else can she do? If there is one thing she learned from her mother it is that a woman supports her husband no matter what. If this is what Jonathan needs (to sit at home and recovers his pride) then she will support him in his time of despair. She just hopes that he wakes up and smells the roses fast because the financial position in the Bates' household is not taking this very well. Natalie turns into the driveway and sighs as she think of what she is about to see and how it affects her each time. She enters the living room as cheery as possible.

"Hey, Babe how are you today..." She looks around but there are no sign of Jonathan. Strange, it's the first time she got here that he wasn't in his recliner. He may be in the bathroom. She walks toward the bathroom but the door is open and as she peaks in she sees that he isn't in the bathroom either. Cassandra is at a friends' house so she goes to the key holder next to see if he drove to go and pick Cass up. The keys are all there. She is beginning to feel a bit worried.

Before her worry had a chance to become sheer panic the doorbell rang. She goes to the door hoping to see Jonathan standing there, looking like his old self again.

"Are you Natalie Bates madam?" There on her porch instead of her husband she found a police officer. Any second now she feels she is going to vomit on the police officer's nice shiny shoes.

"Yes, that is correct I am Natalie Bates. Is everything alright? Is it something to do with my husband?" She can hear her own voice shaking.

"If your husband is Jonathan Bates madam than I am afraid that this has to do with him." This is bad.

"What's wrong did something happen?"

"I think you better come with me and we'll explain everything to you at the police station." Oh crap.

"I'll just lock up the house quickly." Natalie was too afraid to ask if he was alright, what would she do if she lost him.

***

I am in a very bad mood today. I don't know why but it's just one of those days. Just laying on the bed listening to music I don't want any company today, not even Richard. Thinking of my childhood and how wonderful these last couple of months were, I wonder if my dad would have been proud of me. I miss him so much, my heart aches for him.

There is a knock on my door. Darn I really don't want any company today. Still in my pyjamas I open the door, I must look terrible but I don't give a crap.

"Hey." Richard is standing in the door in a bright blue sweater and faded blue jeans, smiling a goofy smile at me. His hands are behind his back.

Not wanting to be rude I try my best to smile back at him but it must have looked like a snarl rather than a smile.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He looks me up and down and his smile turn to a more serious look.

"I brought a movie I thought we could watch it together." He produces the DVD from behind his back.

"Is everything alright? You look a little out of it." I let him inside and he closes the door behind us.

"I'm a bit down today and not the best of company right now." He takes me in his arms and gives me a tight hug.

"I don't mind if you're not good company, I promise I will just hold you while watching the movie and if it is finished I will leave if you want me to." He looks me in the eyes to see if I am up to it. "Or if you want I can just go now and then I'll call you later to see if you're okay." I shake my head.

"No, its okay we can watch the movie." He smiles and takes off his sweater exposing his favourite Quicksilver shirt and puts his phone down on the table by the door.

"Okay so if you get the movie ready then I will make us some popcorn and coffee." Before I can say anything he is already in the kitchen putting the kettle on.

I take the DVD and I am just about to put it in when Richard's phone rings.

"Will you please get that Babe?"

I sigh and pick up the phone.

"Hello, Richard's phone."

Some random girl is on the other side wanting to speak to the cute guy she met at a bar the other night. I am shocked and without saying anything else I put the phone down. Anger gurgles up into my mouth. What the...

"Who was that Beautiful?" He walks toward me while wiping his hands on his jeans.

"I don't know exactly but I'm sure you can tell me."

He has a puzzled look on his face. "What are you talking about?"

It takes a lot not to yell at him. "It was a girl you met at a bar some other night, she wanted to talk to the cute guy."

He looks dumbfounded. "I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know? Do you meet a lot of girls at bars that you can't even remember who you give your number to?"

"But that's ridiculous. I don't go to bars and when I do it is with you."

"Then how come she has your number? Who else will give your number to her?"

He just stands there mounted to the spot. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"I think you better leave now, I thought you were different than other guys but I guess I was wrong. I don't want to see you again, this is over." I'm already at the door holding it open so that he can get out.

"But..." The shock in his face is very clear.

"I don't want to talk to you. Just go." It's amazing how calm I am while I say all this to him, no screaming and no crying although the tears are about to fall.

He pulls on his sweater and walks out the door, I was about to close the door when he turned back.

"This is not over. I'll give you time to cool down and then I am coming over to set the record straight." All I can do is stare at him and without any reply I close the door before completely breaking down.
CHAPTER 4

"Who are you?" I repeat myself a little more firmly. The woman just stares at me in disbelief. I don't know what to say next. Why was this woman here? She surely isn't going to kill me, she doesn't look like a killer but then again, most killers looks like people who would look harmless.

"Can you understand English?"

"Yes, I'm not stupid you know." She has a high pitched voice.

"Okay, so who are you exactly and why are you in this room with me?"

"I'm in this room because they put me here." She says this like it is the most logical explanation.

"Who are the "they" you are referring to?" She looks annoyed with me.

"How should I know, Hot Shot? Why are you here?"

"I don't know I just woke up here a couple of days ago."

"So there you have it that is my story too."

The woman has blonde hair and very big green eyes, she is about five foot four and she looks very feminine and fragile.

"You look very familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before?"

She gives a short laugh. "I don't know, I don't get around much so it is unlikely."

Just then the door opened and Weirdo came in and brought breakfast. How sweet of them, they drug you but still keep feeding you. What is the deal with that? Do they want to fatten us up for some weird ritual? Weirdo puts the food on the table and I notice that there is only one plate of food.

"Do we have to share this food? You are getting cheap." I look at him with the most ticked off look I can manage.

"I'm sorry Madam I didn't realise. I'll bring another plate." With that he leaves the room shaking his head as in disbelief. He is a strange man; he is so polite when he addresses me. I find it unusual to be called madam by anyone.

"You didn't have to order him around to get me food, I'm actually not hungry."

I stare at her in disbelief.

"Well maybe next time when you are hungry he will remember to bring two plates."

"You are too bossy."

I am shocked. "What gives you the right to judge me?"

"Lady, I know you better than you think. I have a good eye for summing people up."

Now I'm just getting angry. "Oh, really? Just stay on your side of the room and don't talk to me and I promise to keep from knocking your teeth out."

"Fine. Have it your way. Mrs Boss."

I ignore her and indulge in the food Weirdo brought. I can't believe I am stuck in this room but even more I can't believe I'm stuck in this room with her.

***

"Have a seat Mrs Bates. I'll be right with you."

The police officer shows Natalie to a seat from across his desk and leaves out the door.

The station is a dull looking place and it has got a bad smell all over the place. It smells like old sweat and grime. Natalie's' nerves are shot, nobody has told her yet what was going on or where Jonathan was. She called the friend where Cass is and told the mother that she will be late to pick her up. A big bulky looking man with glasses enters the door with the other officer from earlier right behind him.

"Mrs Bates. I'm Dr Ronald." He extends a hand and Natalie shakes it uncertainly. She is wondering why a doctor wants to tell her what happened. Has Jonathan died?

"Nice to meet you." She manages a weak smile.

"You are probably wondering why I am the one to address you about what has happened to your husband and why you are here."

"Yes, it is a bit strange for me." She admits.

"Well, the good news is that Mr Bates is not hurt physically. The bad news is that there might be a mental problem with your husband."

Natalie can't believe her ears. A mental problem? Surely Jonathan is depressed over losing his job yes, but he is not nuts.

"What exactly do you mean Doctor?"

"The officer here has found your husband, Mr Bates running down the street butt naked. He arrested him for indecent exposure and naturally in cases like these the police called me to have a little chat with Jonathan." He clears his throat, "I have reason to believe that your husband might have had a nervous breakdown."

Natalie frowns as she considers this. "I don't understand. If someone has a nervous breakdown that doesn't mean they have mental problems, or have I got that wrong?"

The doctor clears his throat. "Surely, but we have to rule that out. It was suggested by the Prosecutor that we take Mr Bates into our custody." He uses his left hand to push his glasses onto the bridge of his nose before he continues. "I assure you he will be perfectly safe. It will be much simpler to have Mr Bates at the institution and I can run some tests."

"Tests? What do you mean?"

"I do not want to get into that with you Mrs Bates at just this time. I want to know more before I can give a proper prognosis."

Natalie nods in understanding. "Just give me a date and a time and I'll bring him in for the tests."

"It's not that easy though." His look is one of absolute sympathy. "We have to take Mr Bates to the institution with us."

Natalie gapes at him. "Why the hell has he got to go with you? He's not crazy he is just going through a rough time that's all."

"It's your choice madam. Either he comes with us to the institution with us or he stays in custody of the police and will have to go to court on charges of indecent exposure."

Natalie sees that there is no way that she can win this argument.

"Can I at least see him the time that he is there? Can I bring him some of his stuff he is going to need?"

"We have our visiting hours yes. I will send a van round to come and pick up the necessities for Mr Bates' stay with us early tomorrow morning.

"One other thing. Can I at least see my husband before you take him away?"

The officer answers this question. "Of course, I'll take you down to the holding cells as soon as we are finished here."

The holding cells? That sounds so criminal.

Natalie had to fill in some paperwork and as soon as she was finished she was taken to see Jonathan as promised. Natalie and the officer walks down a narrow path between the offices she has just been in to a little square building in the middle of the terrain. They enter through a steel gate to find the holding cells beyond.

Jonathan looks terrible. His eyes are all bewildered, he has got on some sort of overall contraption and his hair is standing up in all directions.

"Natalie! Please can I leave now? This is ridiculous they can't keep me here. Did you get me a lawyer?" She can't believe that this anxious man and her loving husband are one and the same person.

"You don't need a lawyer and you are leaving soon but not with me. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of time but I'm sure Dr Ronald will explain everything to you soon."

He has a pained look on his face. "Please, Nat. You can't leave me here. It's not my fault that Millie and her friend took my clothes and then chased me down the street. I swear that to you." He sounds like a little boy trying to convince his mother.

Natalie is too overwhelmed. She looks at her husband one more time and runs off crying.

***

We've been going out for more than a year now but we are just as happy as the first time we have met. Sure we have had our fair shares of fights but we worked them out. I remember the first big fight we had. Man, I was in a foul mood that day and then some girl called on Richey's phone claiming that she has met him at a bar one night. We didn't speak for a week and I almost broke up with him over it, but it turned out that I over reacted. It wasn't Richard who gave his number to this girl it was one of his stupid friends trying to be funny.

It's two days before the June holiday and I'm going home with Richey for the first time and definitely not the last time. I'm feeling very nervous because it will be the first time I meet his parents and I want to make a good impression. There is a knock at my door and I know that it can be nobody else but Richey.

"It's open." I call from my room.

"Hey, Sexy. Did you miss me?"

"I miss you every time you're not with me, you know that." We share a long passionate kiss.

"I was thinking maybe we should go out tonight, just the two of us. I have a big family and they would want to spend a lot of time getting to know you and to catch up with me, I doubt it if we will have a lot of time alone there."

"I think that is a great idea. What do you have in mind?" He smiles a crooked smile.

"Well, I was hoping that your reaction would be something like this so I already made plans for us." I am surprised.

"Oh okay. Where are we going?"

"It's my secret; you'll have to wait until tonight to find out."

"What should I wear if I don't know where we are going?"

"I'll tell you what to wear. There is a bag in Mandy's room, you can wear whatever is inside that bag." He never brought me clothes before.

"I'll go have a look." He stops me.

"No, you must only first open it tonight when you are getting ready."

"What if it doesn't fit?"

"Mandy helped me with that. I can guarantee you that it will fit perfectly." I give him my suspicious look.

"Okay if you say so."

"I will see you a bit later. I have a couple of things to finalise for tonight."

"Okay. I'll see you later."

"Bye." He gives me a peck on the check and off he goes.

I'm very curious of what is going on and what he planned for us tonight. It's strange that he asked Mandy to help him, he never did that either. I don't like surprises that much it frustrates me not to know what is going on.

After a whole afternoon of suspense it was finally time to get dressed. As soon as I was out of the shower I walk over to the bag and peer inside. I am dumbstruck. Inside there is a beautiful red formal dress. I love it. I quickly put it on to see if he was right that it will fit me. It fits like a glove. I look stunning. I realise what this means and I look around for my hairdryer and hairspray, I also will need to put on make-up.

Two hours later Richey pitched up. Damn, I'm still not ready. I walk briskly to the door and talks to him without opening the door.

"Richey, I'm not finished yet. Can you please come back in about an hour's time? I hope that your reservation is not for a specific time."

"Its fine we can go to that place anytime you are ready so take your time. I'll wait in the car for you, give me a missed call and I will come and get you."

"Thanks, I'll be as quick as I can."

"I don't mind waiting especially if I know it will be worth my while and I know that for sure."

"Okay so go now otherwise I will never be able to finish."

I hear his footsteps as he walks down the stairs.

Half an hour later I was finished. I blow waved my hair so that at the end it made curls. My make-up looks very professional, I never did it so well. Richey calls to me:

"Hey, Beautiful. Are you ready now?" I take a deep breath and open the door with a wide smile playing on my lips. As soon as he sees me he sucks in his breath.

"Wow, wow, wow. You look amazing. I'm the luckiest guy alive to have such a beautiful girlfriend." He also had dressed up for the occasion. He's wearing a black suit with a blood red tie and a black shirt. He never gels his hair and I loved it when he did go through the trouble to gel his short brown hair into spikes. He looks very handsome.

"You look very good yourself."

"Shall we be going?" He asks me as he takes my hand in his.

We didn't drive very far. I am a little confused as I see that we are at a block of flats.

"I thought you said that it will only be me and you tonight."

"But it is only you and me tonight."

"Then why are we stopping at a block of flats?"

"This is the place we are going to tonight." I look at him with amazement all over my face.

"What..." He puts a finger to my lips.

"Just stay calm and wait and see what happens."

I shake my head and mumbles almost inaudible:

"Okay, if you say so."

He got a blindfold from his pocket and mentions to me that I must turn around so that he can cover my eyes.

"You must be joking, right?" He puts his hand over my mouth.

"Don't talk now, just trust me and let me lead you."

"What if I fall over something?"

"Don't you trust me? I won't let you fall or let you walk into a pole or something like that, I promise.

I am quiet now, I just wait for him to lead me and be over with it.

We begin to walk toward the building. After about two flights of stairs my feet are killing me.

"Are we nearly there? My feet are killing me - I'm not used to walking in high heels."

"Hold on." He says before lifting me in his arms.

"You can't carry me, put me down." I try to get out of his arms but he has an iron grip on me.

"It's no big deal. You are as light as a feather."

Well. What can I do? I can't say that I'm not enjoying this. I lay my head against his shoulder and let him carry me to our unknown destination.

"Are you ready to be blown away?" He asks before he puts me down.

"As ready as I will ever be." He turns me to the right angle and slowly removes the blindfold. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't this. This is something out of a movie. In front of me there is a guy dressed like a waiter in a white shirt and black pants with a cloth folded over his arm. What is Richard up to?

"This is Arnold; he will be our waiter for tonight."

I just nod and wait for what is going to happen next.

Arnold leads us up the stairs and out of a glass sliding door onto a balcony. On the balcony there are a table laid with candles and the most beautiful red roses in the middle of the table. I realise I have been holding my breath; I let my breath out and manage to say something for the first time since we had entered the flat.

"Did you do all this by yourself?" He smiles at me and I can see the satisfaction in his eyes as he sees that I have indeed been blown away.

"I had some help. Shall we?" He mentions to the table.

"It looks lovely. Wow, where did you find the time for all this?" We are walking to the table and he held out my chair for me. When I was seated he took the seat opposite me.

"Well, one of my friends is on early vacation and I asked him if he would mind if I uses his flat for a private function and he said yes."

"What, he trust you?"

"He knows me and he knows I won't wreck his place. I always clean up after myself, in fact the flat will be cleaner when he gets back than when he left here." He smiles at me. Arnold comes out of the doors with a bottle of white wine and two wine glasses. He opens the bottle and pours us some wine. I wait till he finish before I speak again.

"What is the occasion? Why have you gone through all this trouble for me?"

He looks stunned. "Do I need a reason to spoil my girlfriend?"

"I guess not but no one has ever done something like this for me."

"I'm glad they didn't. It only makes tonight even more special." He takes my hand and squeezes it tight. Arnold comes out again with a portable CD player. Richard hands him a CD which he produces from his inside pocket.

"What's that?" I ask not taking my eyes off of the disc.

"Patience is a virtue." He nods to Arnold and he puts the CD on.

"Shall we dance?" How can I say no to him?

"Sure why not. If I remember correctly you are a pretty good dancer." He gets up and helps me out of my chair. A slow dance is playing, it almost sounds like jazz music. This is a prefect date.

After the dancing Arnold brought out the food. It was delicious. For starters there were small buns with butter, for the main meal we had steak with vegetables and a baked potato. This is really something. I am stuffed from all the food but just when I thought the night was over Arnold asks if he can bring in the dessert.

"I don't know if I can eat any more I'm crammed."

"Okay. You can go and I'll fetch the dessert myself a little later on. Thanks for everything Arnold I owe you." He looks over to Arnold and gives him a handshake.

"No problem man." Arnold leaves and we are all alone.

"I hope you enjoyed everything so far." He looks deep into my eyes.

"Everything was perfect, thank you." I smile my most charming smile at him.

"Okay, I think now is the best time for my speech." He gets up and goes over to the CD player. He is suddenly looking very nervous. I eye him suspiciously.

"We have been going out for more than a year now and it has been the happiest year of my life. You are a wonderful person Cassidy and I thank God every day for putting you in my life. I have realised in this year that I don't want to lose you ever."

He walks over to my side. I can hear my heart racing in my ears. Can it be? This is my dream coming true at last!

"I want to be with you as long as it is possible. At the moment I am a very lucky guy and I want to ask you to make me the luckiest guy that ever lived for the rest of my life: Cassidy Baxter, will you marry me?"

***

Life is not wonderful at the Bates' house. Cassandra has been bugging Natalie non-stop about her father and all Natalie told her is that her father was away on a holiday for a bit. The doctors at the institution where Jonathan is now are still keeping Natalie in the dark about Jonathan's condition. Natalie is in two minds whether to tell Cassandra the truth about her father because she does not want to upset Cass unnecessary.

"Mom, when is Daddy coming home?" She didn't even greet her mother properly she just wants to know where her father is.

"I don't know Cassandra. Debbie is baby-sitting you for a while tonight, I am going out."

The young girl looks disapprovingly at her mother. "Again? You have been out a lot lately."

"That doesn't concern you. I am the adult and I can go out as much as I can when I want to." Natalie's' temper is wild these days, she feels frustrated about the whole episode with Jonathan.

They stopped at home and Natalie poured herself a glass of wine. Since Jonathan's been taken away Natalie has become very fond of her wine. Two hours later Natalie was fast asleep in a recliner with the empty wine bottle next to her. Cassandra came to her mother and tried to wake her.

"Mommy? Mommy wake up."

Natalie moans. "Leave me alone."

"Mommy I miss Daddy. Can't we call him?"

Natalie was fed up answering her daughter constant questions and finally she was at breaking point: "Shut up! Just shut up. I'm fed up with your moaning. Your precious Daddy is in an asylum somewhere because he saw your imaginary friend. He is crazy and we will never see him again." She burst out crying.

Cassandra's face turns ashen and she stalks off to her room. Both of the Bates women cried themselves to sleep that night.

The next morning Natalie woke up with a hell of a headache and she found her little girl all curled up in the middle of the bed on top of the covers with a photo of the three of them pressed tightly to her chest.

"Honey, you have to get up now, it's almost time for breakfast." She kisses Cass on the cheek. Natalie has decided that today they are going to go see Jonathan because she feels badly about the previous night.

Cassandra was very still at breakfast.

"So I was thinking that we could go see your dad today. What do you think?" Natalie closely watches Cassandra.

"Sure Mom." She just stares down at her porridge and doesn't even look up.

"Look at me Cassandra. We need to talk about last night."

She sighs but looks at her mother.

"I am sorry about what I said last night, I didn't handle it well. I'm just so worried about your dad. I feel so helpless."

Cassandra has a sad look in her eyes. "So Daddy is really in the madhouse?"

"Yes, Dear I'm afraid so." She considers this before she asks another question.

"Mom, is it really Millie's fault?"

Natalie thinks a second before she answers. "Your dad said that he saw Millie. I don't know if it is her fault." She has done enough damage last night and doesn't want to freak Cassandra more out than she already is.

"I see." She really looks sad it doesn't even seem as if she is glad she is going to see her father today.

"Do you forgive me for last night?"

"I forgive you Mommy. I love you."

It makes Natalie feel a whole lot better knowing that Cassandra is not mad at her anymore.

"Okay so go on and brush your teeth so that we can go see Dad." She gets up but not with the enthusiasm that Natalie expected and went to brush her teeth.

Boy, today sure is going to be a long day. Hopefully the doctor got the tests back and the review board decides that he just suffered a nervous breakdown and give him medication so that the three of them can come home and get on with their lives. She takes a deep breath and try to stay calm before they get in the car to drive over to the institution that has changed their lives for ever.

***

"Hey, Mrs Bossy. Have you calmed down yet?"

That irritating woman has not left me alone for half an hour since the first time I saw her in this room.

"What do you want now?" I'm very annoyed with this whole situation and if she doesn't shut her mouth pretty quick, I'm considering it to kill the annoying thing.

"Don't want anything from you. Just want to hear if you are still angry and upset." She stares at me with a blissfully entertained look on her face. I can see that she is enjoying my predicament.

"How do you think I feel? I have been locked up in this place for at least a whole week or more, it feels as if I'm going crazy."

She laughs as I tell her this. "You are one messed up person, you know." She says through fits of taunting laughter.

"Don't you talk to me like you know me. You know nothing about me. Do you understand me?" Talking to her makes me even angrier than I already am.

"Okay, chill. Don't bite my head off." She puts her hands up as if in surrender.

"Just count your toes and leave me alone." I lie on the bed and put the pillow over my face.

She still won't shut up.

"Fine I'll just sit here and talk to myself." She then starts singing in her high-pitched off-key voice:

You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay

I'm okay now

(I'm okay now)

But you really need to listen to me

Because I'm telling you the truth

I mean this, I'm okay!

I feel like throwing her with the pillow or even suffocating her with it. "Hey, shut the fuck up will you! I can't hear myself think."

Undeterred by my outburst she says nonchalantly: "You know I have seen your family around. They look like a couple of nice people. Well brought up kids I must say. Handsome looking husband you have there too.

"How do you know my family? Is this your sick game? Are you the reason I am caught up in this place?" I slowly get off the bed and approach the woman on the other side of the room.

"You can think what you want Sweet Cakes but why would I want you to be locked up in here with me? And how do you think I managed to get you locked up here?"

My blood is boiling in my ears. "I don't know." I snarl at her. "Maybe you want my husband for yourself. Are you a crazy ex-girlfriend of my husband's?"

She is laughing at me. The cow is actually laughing at me and this makes me wild.

"Chill, I'm not a crazy ex-girlfriend and I've never officially met your family." She gloats at me. "I just know stuff."

I can't believe my ears. My angry face is inches from her arrogant mug. I want to wipe the bitch's smile right off. "Are you a stalker? What the hell are you doing here? They couldn't accidentally have kidnapped the both of us."

She somehow sees this whole situation as funny.

"Do you really think we have been kidnapped? Are you really that naïve?" She shakes her head in disbelief.

I want to wring her little neck. I can actually feel her bones creaking under my fingers. Oh the joy it would bring!

"Oh and what other explanation do you have? Why do you think we are here? How did we end up here, Hot Shot?" I yell.

She looks at me with her big green eyes, calculatingly. "Maybe the aliens abducted us to perform some weird tests on us; maybe we are on another planet."

"Don't make fun of me I swear I will hurt you if you carry on."

She glares at me, challenging me. "Oh are you going to go all John Cena on me now? Should I be scared, Baby Cakes?"

I can't take her japping any longer. I can't help myself and I throw myself toward her.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID WOMAN! I'LL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!"

I grab her by the hair and pull as hard as I can. She cries out in pain. It gives me some kind of pleasure to hear her squealing at the top of her lungs. A burst of laughter erupts from deep within me.

"LEAVE ME! YOU ARE HURTING ME."

She tries to claw at me with her fingers but I am too strong for her. I push her down on the bed and get her by the throat. With all the noise I didn't realise that there was somebody else entering the room at that instant, I was laughing too loudly. Somebody grabs me by the arms and pushes me down on the floor, I get a glance and I see that Weirdo and his friend are next to me. Weirdo is pushing me down and the other one has a syringe in his hands. My eyes widen.

"NO! Please don't hurt me." The other one just laughs at me and pegs the needle into my shoulder before I could get another word out. Hello Darkness my old friend.
CHAPTER 5

I can feel my heart racing. I didn't expect this. Is this the right time to make a decision about this? Am I ready for this commitment? I do love him and I do want to spend my whole life with him but what about my studies? I'm in my final year and there is no way I'm going to quit now so that we can get married.

"Wow, I don't know what to say. I do love you and I do want to spend my whole life with you but what about our studies? I am in my final year and I don't want to quit now. I ..."

He interrupts me.

"I'm not asking you to marry me right away we can be engaged for this last year of our studies and then we can marry next year when we are settled." He looks at me and adds:

"I love you more than anything and I never felt like this about anybody. I need to be with you for the rest of my life. Please say yes." As he says this he walks over to me and stands on one knee with a ring in his hands.

It feels like I'm going to wake up any second now and realise that everything that happened tonight is a dream.

"Yes, yes I will marry you!" I feel like shouting it off the rooftops I am so happy!

His face lights up at my words and he lifts me out of my chair and swing me around in his arms. He kisses me passionately and then puts me back onto the ground. He looks into my eyes and he can't stop smiling.

"Thank you My Love. I promise to give you anything your heart desires and to be a good husband who cares for you and who keeps you safe."

I love him so much I can't even express it in words. My hearts feels as if it is going to burst.

"I'm so happy. I love you so much and that will never change."

He pulls me to him and we share another passionate kiss. He release me and starts for the door.

"Just wait right where you are." He jogs into the flat and a couple of minutes later he comes out again with a bottle of champagne, a bowl full of whipped cream and a couple of strawberries.

"Wow, you really went all out, Fiancé." He smiles at the last word I added.

"I can get used to be called that." He puts the bowls and champagne down and draws me to him for a long kiss.

"It sounds weird in a nice kind of way." I giggle at him.

Richey opens the champagne and pours us both a glass. He holds a glass out to me. I take it from him.

"To our future and many happy memories to be made."

"Hear, hear."

***

It's a two-hour drive to Witrand Hospital from the Bates house. Witrand Hospital is where Jonathan is being kept. Natalie called the doctor earlier this morning and informed him that they will be visiting Jonathan today. Natalie hadn't seen Jonathan since the day when she saw him in the holding cell at the police station. She is a bit nervous to see him again. Hell, she is actually shaking. Probably should have had a glass or two of wine to calm her nerves. But her main concern is how Cassandra will react when she sees her father in his present state of mind. Hopefully they gave him some sedatives and he is a lot better than when she last saw him.

Cassandra is very quiet - hasn't said a word since they left the house. They just entered Potchefstroom and are only a couple of minutes away from the hospital.

"We are almost there, Sweetie. It's only a couple of minutes away now." She glances over at her motionless daughter. If only Cassandra would tell her what is going through her mind. But she refuses to say anything. Cassandra just nodded.

They had to fill in a form before entering the premises of the hospital.

"Just wait at reception when you enter the building. Dr Ronald will escort you from there."

"Thank you." Natalie gives the guard his pen and drives in.

The hospital is a big building with a lot of storeys, too much to count on observation. They walk to the door and Cassandra grips her mother's hand as tight as she can. She is scared out of her wits Natalie thinks. The smell inside is a stale one and it almost smells like a normal hospital. They had not been waiting long before Dr Ronald walked through the elevator on the other side of the reception.

"Mrs. Bates. It's good to see you again. Shall we go to my office? I have something to discuss with you before you see your husband." He smiles reassuringly at the two of them.

Natalie shakes Dr Ronald's' hand and just nods. She can't seem to find anything to say, her throat is suddenly very dry. He turns to the little girl who is holding onto her mother's hand for dear life.

"You must be Cassandra? Your father talks about you a good deal. I think he really misses you."

Cassandra just looks at the doctor with huge, sorrowful eyes and did not reply.

They walk along a narrow hall through about two doors and they make a left turn after the second door into a small and very neat office.

"Please have a seat." He motions to two chairs across from him thereafter taking the seat behind his desk.

"Is it okay if Cassandra is here while talk?" Natalie voices her concern.

The doctor considers this. "I'll call my secretary, she can take Cassandra to go and get some juice and maybe a sweet or something." He picks up the phone and pushes a button. A moment later an elderly lady enters the office.

"You needed me?"

"Yes. Can you please take Cassandra here and get her some juice and a sweet perhaps?"

"Sure." The lady addresses Cassandra. "You must be so thirsty from the long drive, let's go get some juice for you." She holds out her hand for Cassandra to take.

Cassandra looks at Natalie and she can see the panic rising in the eyes of her child.

"It's okay, don't be scared. Mommy will be out in a bit. The doctor and I are just going to discuss some business now." She smiles reassuringly at her pale daughter. Poor thing, she suddenly looks so frail and for the first time ever Natalie feels a pang of motherly devotion. "Cass, you'll be okay. Go with the nice lady, we'll see Daddy in a bit."

She very reluctantly takes the hand of the friendly secretary and out the door the two of them go.

"Okay so let's get to the point." Dr Ronald clears his throat before he continues. "Madam I am afraid so far I cannot give you anything positive. Your husband has been with us for a few weeks now and from my observations so far it does seem that he is suffering from a severe manic episode or if I could make it easier for you, we could call it a nervous breakdown." He pauses to make sure that Natalie is following. He can see her hands shaking a little. "I am still observing him though, these things take time."

"How much time?" She manages to croak, her throat suddenly parched. Oh for a glass of wine...

The doctor sighs. "A period of six months should give me a long enough period to make a proper diagnosis. You see with mental illnesses..."

"Mental illnesses!" Natalie is horrified. This is bad news. Natalie can feel the tears welling up.

"Mrs Bates, please don't alarm yourself. We want what is best for Jonathan, is it not so?"

"But I can make sure he takes his meds and then there won't be a problem, will there? He isn't crazy! Why can't you just give him some pills and send him home. I will look after him. He is just depressed that is all." She has started to sob uncontrollably. "He has lost his job for God's sake and he... he can't handle it, is that so uncommon?"

He shakes his head. Dr Ronald feels sorry for the poor woman because she has no idea of how serious her husband's condition might be. He doesn't want to alarm her more than what she already is to inform her of what may lay ahead. If he is correct and Jonathan has bipolar disorder or even schizoaffective disorder or both, it might mean that Cassandra could also be affected.

"I'm sorry this isn't so simple. We are having a hard time to get Jonathan to take his meds here where there are a lot of people who are trained to see that every patient takes their meds. If they have a hard time to get him to take the meds it will only be ten times worse for you." He pushes a box of Kleenex towards her. "We are currently trying new antipsychotics and here we are fully equipped to handle the side-effects if any. Please let us take care of him for now. I promise we are doing our utmost to help him and get to the core of the problem, Mrs Bates. In a couple of months if he has shown an improvement then we can take his case to the review board again and we can reconsider him leaving here and staying with you."

"How long will that be?"

"It could be a couple of months it all depends on his reaction to the medication. It is important that he takes it regularly for it to have the full effect." The doctor looks at Natalie with empathy. "I'll give you a few minutes alone." He gets up. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Natalie just nods. Sure, get me a bottle of whatever you have, she thinks but says nothing instead. He leaves the room and closes the door quietly after him. A couple of minutes later Natalie emerged from the office. She looks more composed than before.

"Let's go see your father Sweetie." She takes Cassandras' hand and the doctor leads the way.

He has as a room on the top floor in the corner. Luckily on the way there were no crazy people out of their rooms and it was kind of peaceful. Natalie always imagined a mental hospital to be noisy, with people roaming the corridors and screaming for no apparent reason.

They found Jonathan on the foot end of the bed staring out the window. He didn't even turn as they entered the room. The doctor is the first person to speak.

"Jonathan you have some visitors." He turns to Natalie. "I must warn you he is still very unstable, I am not going to leave you alone with him."

Unstable. The word sends shivers down her spine but Natalie just ground her teeth together. Jonathan looks so unlike himself. His eyes are deep-set and have dark rings around them. Even his skin looks different, darker somehow. He just looks disinterestedly over his shoulder and see his family standing there.

He looks very wary Natalie thinks.

"Hey, Baby." Natalie gently squeezes Cassandras' hand. Neither of them want to move closer to Jonathan. Not one of them make a move to touch him.

"Hello Daddy." Cassandra whispers.

He doesn't seem surprised or even glad to see them.

"How are you Jonathan? We have been missing you."

He looks back out the window.

"I knew you would come." He said indifferently.

"Of course we would have come. We love you and we will get through this." She takes a step closer.

He makes a kind of snorting noise.

"Sure. Millie told me that you don't care about me and you don't really want to be here." His tone is icy cold.

Natalie can't believe her ears; maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring Cassandra.

"That is not true and you know it." Cassandra suddenly comes to life besides her mother.

"Daddy we care about you and we love you very much. Can you come home?" Cassandra still looks sad but she holds her pose.

"Just leave. I don't want you here. I don't need people who doesn't care about me." His voice is hard and guttural, not like Jonathan at all. "You put me in this place. You want to get rid of me."

Natalie gives a step forward. "Now wait a minute..."

He turns at the sound of her footsteps. His face is a grey mask and his eyes are hard and glittering. The way he glares at them it is as though he hates them!

"Just leave me alone. GO AWAY, GO AWAY!" It is horrible! Jonathan is screaming at the top of his lungs, banging his hands at his head and rocking his body back and forth.

"Maybe we should leave." The doctor already has Cassandra by the arm pulling her toward the door.

Natalie looks at her husband with tears in her eyes. Everything is a blur as she could not stop the tears any more.

***

I woke up this morning hoping that last night wasn't a dream. I didn't have to wait long before I knew for sure that it was definitely the real deal.

"Somebody save me, don't care..." I smile as I see it is the most wonderful man in the world calling me.

"Hello, Fiancé." He still sounds pretty happy. "Are you all packed yet?"

I can hear from the noise in the background that he is driving. "Yes, are you on your way?"

"I can't wait to see you. Do you still love me?"

"More each minute. Now please hang up I don't like it when you talk on the cell phone while driving."

I am all packed and ready to leave. I smile when I think of my Aunt Ellen's reaction when I phoned her at three this morning to tell her my wonderful news. She is so excited, if she had her way we will be getting married next week. I'm really glad she likes Richard and she is so happy for us. She even cried a little.

"It's open." I shout. I know it is Richard because he has a unique way of knocking.

Richard enters and walks straight up to me and gives me a kiss that makes my legs collapse.

"Good morning Fiancé." He smiles his most charming smile. "All set to go?"

"Yes, you can put all my bags in the car." I motion to the six suitcases standing in the middle of the floor in my room. He whistles through his teeth.

"You know that we are only going away for two weeks, don't you?"

"Yes, but a girl has got to be prepared for anything." I kiss him on the tip of his nose.

He just shakes his head and begins to take the bags down to the car.

I am terrified to meet Richards' parents and as we get nearer Pretoria I feel as if I am going to be sick.

"Richey?" He doesn't talk much when he drives because he concentrates on the road and is a defensive driver.

"Yes, Love?"

"What if your parents don't like me?"

He steals a quick glance in my direction. "They love me so they will love you. Besides, they trust my judgment." There is a moment of silence before he speaks again. "Just be yourself and they will love you as much as I do. Okay, not as much as I do but close."

I try to smile at him but that little bit of advice didn't help me much. My nerves are shot I actually begin to shake as we enter the city of Pretoria. It took us about fifteen minutes to reach their home. It is a mansion of a place. The house looks like an Italian villa and the garden is just perfect! I had no idea they were so wealthy. That made me even more nervous. As we drive up the long driveway I suddenly experience the urge to jump out of the car and run for my life. Richards' mom and dad are sitting outside on the porch waiting to greet us. My stomach muscles tighten. Before we get out of the car, Richard takes my hand and kisses it.

"Don't worry everything will be okay, I promise. You'll be okay, just be yourself."

With that he gets out of the car and walk around to my side to open the door for me. His parents approach the car to meet us.

"Richard! It's good to see you." He greets his father with a hug and a handshake.

"Hey Dad, good to see you too."

"Honey it is good to have you home." His mother kisses him and ruffles his hair. I can see him blush.

"Hey Mom. It's good to be home." He steps back after all the hugs and pulls me to him.

"Mom, Dad. I will like you to meet my fiancé, Cassidy." He gestures to me. "Cassidy, my mom and my dad."

"Nice to finally meet you Cassidy." His father puts out his hand to shake mine. When he smiles I can see the resemblance and I start to relax a little.

His mother takes me by the arm and pulls me to her. "Hello Dearie. Welcome to the family. Richard can't stop telling us about you. I am so glad you are finally here." His mom gives me a hug and she really seems glad that I am here.

***

I woke up with a headache from hell, I can't see straight and I feel much disorientated. Slowly I sit up in bed. Ouch, my arms hurt. Those goons must have hurt me when they gave me the injection. I look around the room to see where that dumb woman is. She is nowhere to be found. Maybe they decided that she doesn't belong here with me because I might just hurt her. Well, that is just fine with me. I like being on my own and I am definitely not going to miss her nonsense. I hope they killed her.

The door opens slowly and a new guy peeks in. I haven't seen this one before. He is old, almost ancient and birdlike. I bet if I wanted to I could break him in half and run away.

"Good, you are awake. I was hoping that we could talk." He closes the door behind him.

"As if I have a choice in the matter."

He indicates to me to take a seat at the table and then sits himself down opposite of the chair meant for me. I shuffle to the chair and plop down on it.

"How are you feeling?" He says, his bright blue eyes piercing through my very soul.

I can't believe this guy. They lock me up in this crappy old room all day and he wants to know how I am feeling.

"Well, let's see: I have been drugged a couple of times this past week or so, I am locked in this place all day and on top of that I now have to share this limited space with a mad woman. I'm just peachy." It's been a while since I have been so sarcastic.

"What can you tell me about this other woman?"

I laugh in his face. "Are you yanking my chain, or what? You people put her here so you tell me. And while you're at it will you please tell me why I am here?"

He shakes his head.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

I can feel my blood boiling again.

"Are you going to kill me?"

"No I am not going to kill you."

"Then I better think you must leave before I try to kill you."

He looks kind of shocked when I said that.

"Okay, if you say so." He stands up to walk out the door. Before he leaves he turns to me one last time: "Call me if you need me, I'll be close."

I can't wrap my head around what just happened. Why was that guy here? What does he want from me? He will be close? That sounded like a threat or something.

I was just starting to enjoy the silence when the door opens again and in comes Mrs Madwoman. Smiling from ear to ear. Why the hell is she back? I get up as soon as I see her and make for the bathroom. If she is here then I would make myself scares for as long as possible. I close the bathroom door and sit with my back against the door so that she can't come in.

CHAPTER 6

It's the day before my wedding and I am a ball of nerves. Luckily Richards' mom and Aunt Ellen has been very helpful so all the arrangements have been made. I was surprised that first time we went to visit Richey's parents, I was so worried but it turned out to be for nothing. Richey's parents are very friendly people and they adore me and I them. I am sitting in my room in Richard's parents' home as I am thinking of all this. Aunt Ellen and Derrick are also here in Pretoria and it seems that Richard's parents and them are getting on very well and might even be friends after the wedding. There is a soft knock on the door. I know that knock all too well; it is my Aunt's knock.

"Come in, Aunt Ellen." She slowly opens the door and pokes her head into the room.

"How are you this morning? Have the nerves kicked in yet?"

I smile at her. "I feel like a rubber ball, I don't know if my heart can take it till tomorrow morning."

She sprawls on the bed next to me. "Tomorrow about this time you will be the happiest woman alive and you wouldn't believe why you were so stressed in the first place."

"I hope you are right."

She takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze. "Trust me. I wouldn't lie to you." Somewhere from down the hall Derrick called my aunt's name.

"Darn, we'll talk again later." She kisses my forehead and is out the door.

I get up to close the door but before I can do that, Richey is there and he pushes me in the door and closes it behind him.

"What are you doing?" He gives me a charming smile that makes me melt like chocolate.

"Running away from my dad and Derrick. They feel it their chore to give me the speech about love and marriage."

I give a little giggle. He is so adorable, I can still not believe my luck.

"Don't worry tomorrow this time we will be Mr and Mrs Flemming and we will be on our way to building our own future the way we want it."

He kisses me fervently. "I can't wait. How are you doing? You won't get cold feet will you?"

"No, never. I can't wait to marry you."

The door opens and Richey's mom is at the door. She puts her hands on her hips.

"Richard, your dad is looking for you. Come on get going." Richey sighs but gets up.

"Yes, Mom." He blows me a kiss before going out the door. Richard's mom waits till he is out of hearing shot and then she sits down beside me on the bed.

"How are you feeling, Dear?" She as a concerned look on her face.

"I'm a little nervous but otherwise I'm good." She seems relieved to hear those words.

"You know Richard couldn't ask for a better wife. You are an amazingly good person and I'm glad that you are becoming a part of this family." Veronica embraces me, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.

I beam at her: "Thank you, that means a lot to me."

She looks at her watch.

"I have to go; I have a meeting with the caterers one last time to make sure everything is going smoothly. I'll talk to you a little later." She is halfway to the door:

"Mom?" She turns at my voice and I can see the pleasure in her face.

"Yes, Sweetheart?"

"Thank you for everything you have done to make tomorrow possible."

Her smile lights up the room. "It's truly my pleasure." With that she leaves me.

***

I wake up to find that my back is freezing. What is going on? I open my eyes to see that I'm still in the bathroom curled up in front of the door. I get up and open the door to find the woman sitting on her bed staring at me again.

"Wow, you must have had one hell of a pee. You stayed in there the whole day yesterday." I just give her an annoyed look and walk over to my bed. I lie down on the bed and concentrate on the ceiling. I am not going to let her get to me again I am just going to ignore her.

"What's the matter? Toilet's got your tongue?" She finds this hilarious for some insane reason and bursts out laughing.

"Leave me alone, would you?" I shoot her one quick glance.

"Alright Grumpy. I will let you sleep it off." She lies down on her bed and begins to hum a faintly familiar tune.

This humming is even more irritating than the talking. I take my pillow and put it over my head. After about five minutes of the terrible humming I couldn't take it anymore.

"Please keep quiet you are giving me a headache."

She looks me straight in the eye and begins humming even harder than before.

"I ask you nicely and you are still acting like that. What is your problem?" I walk to the door and peer out the little square in the door. You can't see anything it's one of those windows that you can see in from but you cannot see out of it. I wonder if there are anyone watching from the other side.

She stops her humming.

"You are the problem. If I want to talk to you, you are mean and you tell me to shut up and if I leave you alone you still have a problem with me. You didn't always have a problem with me."

I turn from the door and look her in the face.

"What do you mean I didn't always have a problem with you? From day one I didn't like you." I shake my head. Crazy woman!

"I don't mean from the day I first came to this room, I mean from before that."

What is she talking about?

"What do...?"

The door opens without warning and the grey-haired guy from yesterday comes in.

"Morning, can I try again today to talk to you?" He sits down at the table and I follow reluctantly.

"It doesn't look as if I have a choice in the matter. Make yourself at home." My sarcastic side can't help but surface when I see this man.

"Excellent. Now let us begin."

"What about this one?" I nod to the crazy blonde watching us with huge interest.

He looks around the room. The woman jumps off her bed and goes to the bathroom.

"She can stay." He turns back to me. "Why do you think you are here?"

I give a short laugh.

"Because you put me here. Why are you asking me these stupid questions?"

He can just spare us all the crap and tell me why I am here.

"It is my job to ask these questions."

"What? Will I ever get out of this place?"

"That is all up to you." He shifts in his chair.

"Then tell me what I must do to get out of here."

He gets up. "That is something you must figure out for yourself. I'll give you time to think about it and I'll be back tomorrow." He checks his watch.

I sit there in total amazement. He was here for about five minutes and then he just leaves, what was the point of this conversation? Before I can reply he is already out of the door.

***

It's been a wonderful year of marriage and I thank God for the wonderful man he has put in my life every day. At work it is hard going for both of us. I am working at KPMG doing my articles and I can tell you this: If you want to make it to the top in this business you have to be prepared to give a lot of your free time. Although I have been very busy at work it is still going great with me and Richard and we always make time for each other. I'm in my car on the way home as I think about all the things that changed so much in a years' time.

I pull into the driveway of our house. It feels great to know that we have our own house. We have bought this house six months ago. It's a lovely house; it has a little garden at the front of the house and a big veranda stretching around the house where we can sit in the evenings in the summer. It's small but cosy with two bedrooms and we love living here. I go in around the back of the house with hands full of grocery bags. I manage to get the door open with just one hand free. I drop the groceries on the table and I put on the kettle. Richey is on his way home. I put on the CD player as I walk through the house toward my room to dress into something more comfortable. I hear Richey's' car stopping in the driveway.

"Honey, I'm home." I hear him putting his briefcase onto the floor.

"In the bedroom." I call from our room. His footsteps echo through the house.

"Hey, beautiful. I missed you today. How was your day?" He gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Same old, same old. I missed you too." I throw my arms around him.

"I was thinking that we should go out tonight, it's been a hard month for us."

"Sounds like a good idea. I have some good news that we can celebrate." He kisses me on the head before he lets me go.

"I like the sound of that." I walk to the kitchen to make us some coffee. Humming to one of my songs I finish the coffee. Richey's steps thumps through the house.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" I give him his coffee. I take my cup and go to the TV room. He is right behind me.

"Maybe dinner and then we can get some DVD's?" I plop down on one of the chairs.

"Sounds good. Spur?" He follows my example and sits in the chair next to mine.

"Yep. I'll just finish my coffee and then I'll get dressed."

"It's all good." He takes the remote and flips through the cannels. "I'll just wait right here for you to finish." I take the cups and head for the kitchen.

We got to the Spur to find that the whole of Pretoria was in the mood for steak tonight. Luckily the service is excellent and it was about five minutes and then we were seated.

"Wow, this place is full to bursting." I quickly scan the drinks menu.

"Yes, it's amazing that we were able to get a table so promptly." A waiter approaches us.

"Can we please get two bottles of sparkling grape juice?"

Richey gapes at me in surprise.

"Since when do you order?" He is always the one to order for us.

"I'm done you can order the rest of the food. The grape juice is to celebrate." I beam an innocent smile at him.

"Why didn't you get champagne?"

"I couldn't get champagne because it is not good for the baby."

He puts the menu down and stares at me. He says nothing and the silence lengthens.

"Richard? Are you okay? Did you hear me?" I take his hand and give it a squeeze. He swallows and clears his throat.

"Just repeat that please."

I can't explain the expression on his face.

"I can't order champagne because it's not good for the baby. We are having a baby Richey." I can feel my face radiating with happiness.

"We are having a baby?" He just sits there and stares at me. Slowly he gets up. "That's amazing! I'm going to be a father." He takes my hand and lifts me in his arms. He is smiling now. He gives me a tight hug and kisses me passionately. "I can't believe this. We are going to have our own little family." He puts me down because the people around us are staring at us. "Sorry. I just got the news that my wife is pregnant." He addresses the faces around us. They break out in applause, a couple of guys even shake Richey's' hand. I have never felt so wonderful in all my life.

***

Cassandra hasn't left her room since they returned from the hospital. A cool breeze blows through Cassandras' room and she knows who has come to play with her.

"Millie?" She looks around her room.

"Hi Cass. Do you want to play?"

Cassandra has made up her mind, her dad said he saw Millie and then the doctor took him away.

"No. I want you to leave me alone. I never want to play with you again. You are not real and it is your fault my Dad is gone." She turns her back on her best friend and can't stop the tears from streaming down her face.

"Are you serious? I thought you were my best friend. You can't drop me like this." Millie walks to face Cassandra.

"Leave now! I never want to see you again!" Cassandra is screaming at the top of her lungs. It wouldn't be long now before her mother will come storming into the room.

"Fine I'll go, but I'm coming back once you have thought this through. Remember you promised me that we would always be together. You promised." With that she disappears.

"Don't bother." Cassandra says to the room.

Just as she predicted her mom came to her room. She looks funny Cassandra thinks. She smells funny also.

"What is going on here? I don't want any trouble we have been through enough today." Her words are all slurred. It looks like she is struggling to stand upright.

"It's nothing Mom. Are you alright? You don't look good."

Natalie just stumbles out the bedroom door calling behind her: "I'm okay. We are all okay. Mind your own business."

Cassandra lies on her bed with her face covered in the duvet. She feels very sad, today she lost her dad, her best friend and her mother doesn't even comfort her. She feels alone and starts to cry. As the events of the day run through her head the tears get worse. Later the tears begin to dry up and Cassandra falls asleep with an image of her dad, the way she saw him this morning, in her head.

***

I have decided to put my articles on hold to raise the baby till she is able to go to day-care. It is a huge sacrifice but I promised myself that I will be a good mother and do everything to support my kids and if that means putting my career on hold then so it shall be.

I think back to the day when Jessica was born. It was the happiest day of our lives. The first time I held her in my arms I cried. The nurse wanted to know if everything was okay and it was more than okay it was great. The tears were because I couldn't believe that I was holding a little piece of me and Richard's love for one another in my arms. It was the most far-reaching emotion I ever felt. I remember seeing Richard holding Jess in his arms, he also cried a little and I could see the joy emanating from him.

It's been two years since then and today is the first day that I am going back to work. I am so energized to go back to work but in a way I feel sad to let my poor baby out of my sight. Luckily Veronica is looking after Jessica and she is very excited to be spending so much time with her first grandchild. I wave as I drive out of Richey's' parents' driveway and I'm on my way to work again.

My phone rings and I can't answer it because of the dense traffic around me. If you want to drive in Pretoria you have to pay full attention to the road. I can't believe I forgot my Bluetooth earpiece at home.

I got at work on time despite all the traffic. Everyone is delighted to see me again. The only bad thing is that I will be working with new people, most of them new second year clerks. I pull my phone from my handbag and see that there is a missed call from a strange number on my phone. Well, they can call me back if it is so urgent.

After I greeted everyone I knew in the office I was just on time to answer my phone on the last ring.

"Hello, Mrs Flemming speaking." My face freeze as the words from the person on the other side of the line sinks in. I drop my phone on the ground. Everything is in a blur. I grab my car keys leaving my handbag on my desk and my cell phone on the floor where I dropped it. I can hear people shouting after me, wanting to know where I am going. I don't look back I just run for my car. I don't know how I managed it but in fifteen minutes time I was at the hospital, demanding to know where my husband was.

"I'm here for Richard Flemming. He was brought in about an hour earlier." The nurse takes her time to call whoever knows where Richey is. After what felt like forever she slowly turned to me.

"He is in the ICU. You can't see him now."

All I hear is ICU and I begin to run. A doctor stopped me at the door to the ICU.

"Madam, you can't go in there. Can I help you?" I'm out of breath from running the whole time.

"My....my..."

He takes me by the arm and leads me to a chair.

"Calm down and tell me what's wrong."

I take a deep breath and try again to speak like a normal person.

"My husband has been in a car accident, he has been admitted here a little over an hour ago."

"Okay and you are sure he is here in the ICU?"

I shake my head. "One of the nurses in reception called and then she told me he was here."

He considers this for a moment.

"Okay. You know that you won't be able to see him now but I'll tell you what: If you just sit here a moment I will go and get his doctor so that you can have a chat with him."

I am shaking all over, is he okay? Please God, please let him be okay. "Thank you very much."

He goes into the ICU and gives me a reassuring look before going through the door.

After ten minutes of intense stressful waiting the doctor exited the ICU with a woman close behind him and they were walking straight toward me.

"Mrs Flemming, this is Dr Elaine. She is your husband's doctor." He gently squeezes my shoulder as he makes his way to leave.

"Thank you very much doctor."

He just smiles and walks on his way.

"Mrs Flemming, your husband is going to be fine." She gives me a smile.

"Does that mean I can see him?"

"No, unfortunately not. He just got out of surgery, he broke his leg and we had to operate. The leg was badly broken so we had to put in metal screws."

"When can I see him?" I won't rest until I saw with my own two eyes that he is alright.

"I'll call you as soon as you can. You can go..."

"I'll wait right here till I can see him. You can call me here. I will be sitting here the whole time."

She looks at me with understanding in her eyes. "As you wish. I come and get you as soon as I can." She is already on her way to the ICU.

I have to let Richard's parents know. I realise my cell phone is still at the office as well as my purse. How am I going to let them know if I have nothing on me? There is no other choice, I leave a message at the nurses' station for Doctor Elaine to call me on my cell phone as soon as I can see Richey and I set out to go back to the office.

This is a disaster. The first day of work and I just storm out there without an explanation. It will not surprise me if my boss fires me as soon as I put my foot in the door.

"How is your husband? Is he going to be okay?" One of my colleagues asks me.

"He is going to be fine, I haven't seen him yet but they will call me as soon as I can see him." How does she know? I haven't told anyone. The surprise must have shown on my face.

"You dropped your phone so I picked it up and talked to the guy, he told me what happened."

"Oh, okay. I understand."

"Don't worry about the boss. I already told him that you are not working today. Go be with your husband." She is a lifesaver.

"Thanks, you're the best." I quickly phone Richard's mom before leaving the office again.

When I got to the hospital Richards' parents and Jessica were all seated at the waiting area in front of the ICU.

"Hey, Cassidy. Do you know what happened? Nobody here can tell us what has happened." Veronica's voice is shaky from worry. We embrace each other briefly.

I shake my head. "No I don't know. Some guy called me and I just heard accident and hospital and then I dropped the phone and came running so to speak." I take Jessica in my arms and give her a tight hug. She has been standing at my side as soon as I arrived here. We take a seat opposite Veronica and begin the long wait.

Jessica was fast asleep in my arms when Dr Elaine came through the door of the ICU. She smiles when she sees me. That must mean good news if she is smiling I think to myself.

"Mrs Flemming, you can see him now. He is only allowed one visitor at a time."

Raymond gets up and takes Jessica off my lap. "You go first we'll keep an eye on Jess."

Veronica pats my shoulder before I get up.

"Thanks Dad. I'll see you in a bit."

I hate the smell of hospitals I realise as the smell here is very potent in the room. There are a lot of machines in here. It freaks me out.

Richard is on the furthest side of the room in the corner. His face is pale and he looks in a lot of pain. His foot is in a cast and hoisted in the air. Must be to relieve the pain I think to myself. I walk to the side of his bed.

"Hey, Honey. Are you awake?" I try to keep my voice as soft as possible. The sound coming from his lips is more of a croak than anything else.

"I'm fine, what happened?" He looks unsure of his surroundings and very groggy.

"You were in an accident. They said you broke your leg pretty bad." My heart aches to see him lying there. "Your parents want to see you. I'll see you later. I love you." I touch his arm as lightly as possible. I'm afraid I might hurt him because I don't know what the extent of his injuries are. I leave the room with tears in my eyes. I couldn't bear to see him in pain it's an image that will haunt my dreams from now on till forever.

***

Cassandra spends most of her time in her room these days. Since they have been to visit Jonathan life in the Bates' household has changed. The relationship between mother and daughter has terribly disintegrated.

Cassandra is playing in her room with her Barbies, it isn't so much fun without Millie to play with but she copes with that nonetheless. Natalie is downstairs with a bottle of wine by her side. Natalie's' drinking has become crucial and she is drunk most of the time now. Cassandra goes down the stairs to see if Natalie doesn't want to play a game with her tonight.

"Mommy can we play a game of Monopoly?" She stands in the door to the living room. Natalie has already finished her third bottle of wine tonight.

"Go to bed it's too late to play Monopoly." She doesn't even look up from her half-filled glass.

"Why don't you play with me anymore?" That was enough to let Natalie's' temper get the better of her. "You don't even read me bedtime stories anymore."

Natalie gets up from the couch and begins to walk toward Cassandra. She is swaying a lot as she proceeds to her daughter who is frozen in the door. Cassandra thought that she has gotten her mother to read her a bedtime story at least.

"I told you to go to bed!" She lifts her hand and she slaps her daughter across the face. Cassandra just stands there in the door, tears filling her eyes. She looks at her mother and when she doesn't see that her mother is going to say something she runs up to her room.

Cassandra was never afraid of her mother before until tonight. She locks her door and lies down on the bed crying herself to sleep.

***

It's been a tough time. Richey has been at home for three weeks and I have been working myself to distraction to catch up with the work for my articles. Richey broke his leg in a car accident when a drunken guy fell asleep behind the wheel of his car and drove into the lane of the oncoming traffic. Luckily nobody else was involved in the accident otherwise Richey would be dead right now. The drunken guy wasn't even hurt in the accident and he was immediately arrested for driving under the influence. Providentially things are looking up this year.

Today is the day that I receive my CA degree. It's been nine years to get this far but I finally made it. This year there was only good news so far. When I went for my regular check up at the doctor he informed me I was having a baby, our family is growing rapidly. Richard is very excited about the baby and he can't wait to be a father for the second time. We have a lot of celebrating to do.

The Deacon calls my name and I receive the piece of paper that took me so long to obtain. I pose for photos on the balcony of the rights building in my toga. It is a very emotional day and all my family are with me to celebrate my success.

After the ceremony we go out to celebrate. My aunt Ellen and Derrick as well as Richard's parents, Raymond and Veronica, are taking us out for dinner. We arrived at Beef Boys and it was lovely catching up with everyone again. My work keeps me so busy that I don't see Aunt Ellen as much as I would like to see her. While we are being seated I can't believe my eyes. I excuse myself and walk straight up to her.

"Mandy?" She turns around and there is no doubt that the woman is indeed my old friend Mandy. She seems just as surprised as I am. She jumps up from her seat and has me in a tight vice grip hug. She looks good, her blonde hair is cut short in a bob but it suites her and her green eyes are glowing, and I can tell that she is happy.

"Cassidy! It's been ages. How have you been?"

"It's going great thanks and with you? Why didn't you ever call me?" We have grown apart as soon as we left University. It wasn't intended but after Mandy and James broke up after four years of being together; Mandy was in such a state that she didn't even attend our wedding.

"You know how things go. I'm great." She turns to her date and she introduces me.

"Kevin this is my old friend from Varsity, Cassidy. Cassidy this is my fiancé Kevin." I shake his hand.

"Wow, congratulations. When is the big day?"

I hear Richard calling me.

"Darn, I have to go. Give me a call sometime." I take a napkin and write my cell phone number on it.

"Sure thing. We are staying in Pretoria so I don't know how we will see each other but we'll make a plan." I smile at her and give her another tight hug.

"We are also living in Pretoria. We should have coffee someday."

Richard is still calling me.

"I really have to go. It's been nice to have seen you." I quickly go to my own table.

"Were have you been, Honey? We want to make a toast." He asks me as soon as I take my seat next to him.

"I just saw Mandy and her fiancé here."

"That's nice you haven't seen her for a while now."

Raymond gets up and he is clearing his throat for the oncoming speech. "I just want to say to our wonderful daughter-in-law that we are always proud of her. Not just for the second degree she has received but also for being a wonderful mother and a loving wife. Cassidy we love you. To Cassidy." He lifts his wine glass. Everyone at the table joins in the toast.

"I also have some other news to share with you all." Everybody's' attention is fixed on me. Richey gets up and stands beside me. "First I want to thank you all for being here with us on this special day. I have worked very hard to get here and finally I have made it but that isn't the only thing we are celebrating tonight. Richey and I are having another baby."

Everyone at the table is overjoyed. Raymond orders champagne for everyone while everyone takes their turn to congratulate us. I feel very blessed being here with my family around me, it's the one thing in this life that is so precious to me.

***

Cassandra went to school the next day with a bluish bruise on her face. The last thing her mother told her before she dropped her off at school that morning is that she should say to anyone that asks that she fell while riding her bike and that is why there is a mark on her face.

Cassandra is in a foul mood today. She didn't sleep well last night and her throat is sore from crying so long. Cassandra's teacher noticed that something wasn't right with her and before Cassandra could exit the class for break the teacher confronted her.

"Cassandra can I chat with you for a bit?" Cassandra is very fond of her teacher and they get along well. Cassandra stands at the front of the class till all of her friends are out of the class. "How are you Cassandra?" The teacher knows what had happened with her father and she made it her priority to chat a bit with Cassandra every once in a while.

"I'm sad today." It feels good for Cassandra to know that someone cares. She can't keep the tears at bay and the next thing she knew she was crying her heart out. The teacher took her in her arms and hugged her.

"What's wrong? Did something happen at home? Did your mommy talk funny to you again?" Cassandra has been telling that her mommy is sick because she talks and walks funny at night. The teacher didn't know what she meant by that but judging from the bruise on the child's' face she can figure it out that the mother has been drinking a lot. It's obvious that things have gone too far.

Cassandra is sobbing so much that she doesn't answer the teacher's questions.

"What happened to your face?"

"I fell off my bike while I was riding." Cassandra says through tears.

The teacher takes her by the shoulder and puts her at arm's length. She couldn't see any other scrapes or cuts it was just the bluish bruise on her face.

"Okay, that must have hurt. If you are feeling better you can go out and play with your friends or we can stay here and talk some more if you would like that.

Cassandra decided that she wanted to play with her friends and after she calmed herself she was off to go play with her friends.

The teacher doesn't know what to do and she doesn't like interfering like this but the child is having a hard time. She considers this for a while and then she picks up the phone.

"Hello. Can I please speak to a social worker who handles abuse cases..."

***

I quit my job and decided to become a full-time mom. It's hard work looking after two kids but I love the time I have to spend with them. My youngest child is six months old, a boy named Anthony. He has his father's eyes and my smile. He is the most adorable child I have ever seen. Some days it feels that I can't cope with everything and I miss my job terribly. It's a whole other world from the business world to be a stay at home mom. Some days are good and occasionally Mandy drops by to say hi. Since we saw each other that night in Beef Boys after my graduation we have made it our priority to keep contact with each other. Mandy comes around here once a week. It turned out that she wasn't cut out to be an engineer and so she decided to become a science teacher.

Things between Richard and I haven't been so great these days. He has been working very hard and I hardly see him if he is at home. He always brings work home and is up till the morning hours to finish some of his work.

Tonight it is one of those rare nights were Richey hasn't brought home any work and things feel as if everything is back to normal. Richey is playing with Jess in the TV room and I am busy preparing dinner for my family. I hear Richey's' phone ring and I go and see if it isn't Veronica that is calling because I want to ask her something. I enter the room to find Richey chatting very discreetly to someone on the phone. When he sees me he cuts the conversation short and puts the phone down.

"Who was on the phone?" I ask casually.

"Just my mother. She just wanted to say hi."

"Why didn't you call me? I wanted to speak to her as well."

He looks startled. "Oh, you can call her later on." He gets up of the couch. "I'm going to take a shower." He kisses me on the head.

Suddenly I have this funny feeling that he is lying to me but I have no reason not to trust him. Maybe my imagination is running wild with me.

I hear Richey's phone ring again. I get up to answer it as I know that he may be in the shower and he may not be able to hear it. I round the corner to our bedroom and I hear him talking in a hushed voice to someone on the phone. I enter the room and he suddenly starts to speak normally. That is so strange. He ends the call quickly.

"One of the interns wants some advice on an idea he is working on, this is the third time he called me about it." He says before I ask anything.

"I just thought you might be in the shower already so I thought I must maybe answer your phone."

His face is flushed or am I imagining things? "Join me in the shower will you?" He pulls me closer to him.

I push him away gently. "Richey. The kids are alone in the TV room I can't just leave them."

He looks disappointed.

"Maybe next time." He lets me go. I am halfway down the hall as he calls to me: "I love you Baby."

He is being silly.

"I love you too." I call back to him but I can't shake the feeling that he is hiding something from me.

***

A social worker knocked on the Bates' door one Tuesday night. Natalie answers the door; she already had two glasses of wine tonight.

"Mrs Bates?" The lady at the door asks.

"Yes, I am she. Can I help you with something?"

The lady at the door stretches out her hand.

"Hi I am Naomi Castle from Social services."

Natalie shakes her hand. She is doing a good job of hiding her surprise.

"Please come in." She opens the door wider to let Naomi in.

"Lovely home you have here." She looks at the walls around her, everywhere there are photos of the little girl, Mrs Bates and a guy. They look very happy in the pictures.

"Is the man in the photos your husband?"

Natalie smiles a wary smile. "Yes. Jonathan Bates."

"Can I talk to the two of you? Is Mr Bates home?"

The question pains Natalie to answer. "My husband is in the hospital."

"I'm so sorry to hear. What has happened to him?"

"He has had a nervous breakdown."

Understanding dawns on Naomi. "I'm so sorry to hear that."

Natalie leads the way into the living room where the wine bottle is standing half empty. She points to the bottle.

"Would you like a drink?" She pours herself a liberal one.

"No thank you I am on duty." The woman looks at Natalie with disdain clearly written on her features.

"Would you like some coffee or water instead?"

Naomi shakes her head. "No thank you. If you don't mind I would like to talk to you and your daughter."

Natalie walks to the stairs and calls to Cassandra: "Cassandra! Can you please come down here for a minute?" Natalie walks back to the living room and takes a seat across from Naomi.

Naomi can't see that there are financial problems here. These people have a beautiful home and it seems that they aren't going without. Most family violence occurs in households where there are financial problems but Naomi has learned that you can't judge a book by its cover. Cassandra comes down the stairs and looks into the living room door. When she sees Naomi she come into the room and sits herself down on a chair.

"Hi Cassandra. I'm Naomi. How are you?" She looks at Cassandra and she can see the healing bruise on her face.

"I'm okay thank you Ma'am." She doesn't like to talk to strange people but if this lady is here then her mother won't try to hurt her again.

"I hear you had a bike accident last week?" She looks at Cassandra's arms and legs to see if there are any scars or bruises on them as well. There were none.

"Yes." She doesn't say anything more.

"Okay Cassandra that's all I wanted to know. You can go and play now."

Cassandra gets up and runs up the stairs. Naomi can hear the bedroom door being closed upstairs. Natalie is getting restless as the silence between the two women lengthens.

"How are you doing Mrs Bates? How are things going here at home?" Natalie looks scrutinisingly at the woman across from her.

"I'm fine and everything here is under control. Do you have a specific reason for being here?" She asked coldly.

"Yes, I am here because Cassandra's teacher called me and told me about her bike accident last week." Natalie looks a bit uncomfortable.

"You are here about a bike accident? Isn't that a bit weird?"

Naomi shifts in her seat.

"The thing that strikes me as weird is that Cassandra has been in an accident but there doesn't seem to be any bruises or scars on her except for the bruise on her face. What do you have to say about that?"

Natalie puts down her glass and looks Naomi straight in the face.

"What are you insinuating?" Natalie is busy losing her temper.

"Do you like your wine a lot, Mrs Bates?" She fixes her eyes on the bottle standing on the table.

"I drink wine, yes. What has that got to do with you?"

"It has got a lot to do with me if Cassandra is being abused because of your drinking." Natalie gets up from her chair.

"I think you should go. You come into my house and accuse me of abusing my daughter; you are no longer welcome here." She heads to the front door.

Naomi gets up and follows Natalie to the door.

"We'll speak again soon Mrs Bates. Have a good night." Naomi steps into the night air and she knows from Mrs Bates' reaction that she has an alcohol problem. As Naomi walks to her car she sees the wine bottles in the garbage and takes a photo on her cell phone.

***

I open the front door and there smiling in all her glory is my old friend Mandy. She often visits me and brings a bit of spice into my otherwise monotonous life. We talked for hours about old times and how everything changed since Varsity. The conversation took a turn towards Richey.

"I saw Richey the other night." Mandy says.

"Where?" This strikes me as weird because Richey has been working a lot of overtime recently.

"At O'Hagan's restaurant. He was with two other women."

That can't be possible. She must have mistaken someone else for Richey.

"I don't think that can be possible. Richey has been at the office after hours working overtime, he hasn't been out anywhere recently or he would have told me."

Mandy shifts uneasily in her chair.

"I must have been mistaken then but I could swear it was him."

I could see from her face that she was completely serious.

"I'll ask him maybe he forgot to tell me." I do not know why I feel the need to explain my husband's behaviour to my friend, but I do. "He might have been meeting with a potential client or something." I offer.

That didn't seem to satisfy her much but at least after that we changed the subject.

CHAPTER 7

Natalie has a terrible headache and to be awaken early on a Saturday morning by the doorbell doesn't do much to lighten her mood. She gets up from the sofa where she fell asleep last night. Lately Natalie rarely sleeps upstairs in her bed. She opens the door to find Naomi standing there.

"Mrs Bates I'm sorry to disturb you so early this morning but we have some business to discuss."

"What business could you possibly want to discuss with me this early before I even had a chance to get dressed?"

Naomi indicates to a bag next to her on the veranda. "Business that concerns the safety of Cassandra." She ruffles through her bag and brings forward a piece of paper.

"You have been going through my garbage? You had no right to do that." Natalie is furious.

Naomi hands the document to Natalie.

"Actually you were throwing out those bottles and they were no longer your property so I could do that and I did."

Natalie reads the document:

"To whom it may concern

As we have received evidence that the safety of Cassandra Bates is at stake because of the drinking of Natalie Bates the court hereby declares that Cassandra Bates be removed from her mother's (Natalie Bates) care.

Yours Faithfully."

"May I?" Naomi enters the house and takes out her camera.

"This is ridiculous! You can't do this." Natalie's protests seem to fall on deaf ears.

Naomi walks to the living room and sees the wine bottles stacked on the table. She snaps a couple of photos of the bottles.

"You will be subpoenaed for a court date. Can you please go get your daughter? That will give you time to tell her what is happening."

Natalie goes over to the couch and sits herself down, putting her hands in her hair. After a while she looks up and composes herself.

"Fine. I'll go get her."

Naomi makes herself at home on the chair while Natalie walks up the stairs to go and get Cassandra.

Twenty minutes later Cassandra and her mother stood at the bottom of the stairs, tears silently streamed down Natalie's' face. Cassandra just stood there gaping at Naomi; she doesn't seem to realise what was happening. Naomi gets up and takes Cassandra's pink and purple bag.

"We'll be in touch. Cassandra, say good bye to you Mommy."

Cassandra obediently goes to her mother and gives her a hug. She didn't say a single word or shed a single tear. Natalie holds Cassandra close and all she can manage is: "I'm sorry Baby."

Naomi takes Cassandras' hand and they begin walking toward the door.

"Goodbye Mrs Bates."

Natalie looks at Naomi with hatred in her eyes.

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

Naomi just smiles and they walk off towards her car.

***

I wanted to surprise my husband for lunch with me and the kids. We set out toward his workplace. It feels as if we haven't been doing anything to work on our relationship because I was so busy with the kids and Richey was so busy with work. I thought the lunch idea will be a good start to get our relationship back on track.

The security at Richey's' firm knows our family very well and they didn't have a problem to let us in to go and surprise my husband. Richey's' secretary told us that he had no meetings scheduled for the rest of the day and that we could go right into his office.

"Thanks." I tell her as I navigate Jess into the direction of her fathers' office and I have Tony on my hip.

I don't make the effort to knock because I know he isn't in a meeting. I open the door to see another woman with him. She is sitting on the chair in front of his table and he is leaning over her shoulder as if he is very interested in what the woman is showing him. I pull Jess to a stop and I stand in the door listening to their conversation. They were too busy to notice that we were standing in the door.

"I personally love this spot. It is excellent for a romantic getaway." The woman tells Richey. I cannot see her face from where I am standing but I can tell she takes great care of herself in the way she dresses. And she has a great body. Probably never had children.

"I trust your judgement completely and if you think..." He turns around to go and take his seat at his desk and sees us at the door. He quickly breaks off his sentence. "Honey? Hey I wasn't expecting you."

He looks at me in amazement. The woman at the desk also turns to look at us. She is very attractive and young too.

"Hey, I just thought I would surprise you with lunch but I see that we are interrupting. We'll go." I turn to leave.

"Wait, Honey. You are not interrupting anything, we were just finished." He rushes over to me and takes my arm.

The other woman gathers up her papers.

"Cassidy this is Brenda. Brenda this is my wife Cassidy. Brenda is the Public Relations Manager here." He gestured to the woman at his desk. She waves at me. I just choke out a barely audible "hey".

"Oh, okay and what are you working on together?" I try to sound nonchalant but I don't think I am succeeding by the way Richard glances at me.

"She's just helping me with some pitch for the board members. Nothing serious."

Brenda has finally gathered up all her papers and is heading for the door. She turns before she leaves.

"We'll finish this later." She turns her gaze on me. "Nice to meet you, Mrs Bates."

Richard doesn't mention anything that I have heard and he acts as if everything is alright. I follow his act and I know that if he doesn't make a big deal out of it than it probably isn't a big deal. Lunch was great and I was right thinking that this lunch will help put our relationship back on track. If it still bothers me tonight I will ask him about it I promise myself.

***

Cassandra Bates has been put in a safe house for abused children. The first couple of days in the home she cried herself to sleep and she was terrified of what was going to happen to her now. She even considered begging Millie to come back and play with her but she was too afraid even to do that. It was after all Millie's' fault that her daddy had been taken away to that terrible place and she didn't want to join him there.

Every day a doctor came to see Cassandra to hear how she is doing. She didn't want to talk to him at first but eventually Cassandra let the doctor in and told him everything that happened with her father and mother. As the weeks progressed Cassandra grew more accustomed to her living in the place of safety and soon she was very comfortable in the home. She still missed her parents a lot but Cassandra was afraid of what her mother would do to her if she managed to get custody of her again.

It was late on a Friday night and Cassandra was already tucked into bed but she couldn't seem to drift off to sleep. She is just laying there staring at the ceiling when suddenly she hears something at the front door. Cassandra can hear that the lady that is on duty tonight to watch all the children is up and investigating the noise because she can hear footsteps through the house. She can hear people talking, it sounds like two women arguing. Cassandra recognises the second voice but she can't put a face to the voice and she gets up.

Cassandra slowly walks through the hall of the house on tiptoes; she doesn't want to wake the others. She makes it to the end of the hall and she recognises the woman standing in the door instantly. She froze at the scene in front of her.

"Mrs Bates, please leave now or I will be obligated to call the police and then you will never see your daughter again."

The woman on the door stumbles and sways on her feet. Her voice is all slurred as she replies on the threat of the woman in front of her. "Now you listen to me. That woman took my child just like that." She tries to snap her fingers together without much success. "She had no right to do that and now the court has ruled against me and I am not allowed to see my own daughter. Don't you think that is unfair? Don't you think that after nine months of pregnancy and the hassle of changing nappies and cleaning up her shit that I have the right to see my own flesh and blood?" She takes a step closer to the woman at the door.

"Please you are drunk. Sleep it off and you can make an appeal to the court if you feel that you have been unfairly treated but judging from your appearance it is clear that you will just be wasting your time making an appeal."

The drunken woman sees the movement in the hall and calls out.

"Cassandra is that you? Come here Baby and say hello to me." When no one emerged from the shadows of the hall Natalie started to yell.

"CASSANDRA! COME HERE."

The woman at the door tries to stop her.

"Keep your voice down. Everyone is sleeping now. Cassandra can't hear you. If you don't leave now I'm calling the cops." She takes the door and shuts it in Natalie's' face.

When Cassandra heard that slurred voice calling her name she ran to her bed as fast as she could. She doesn't want to go to that woman. That woman at the door is not her mother. Her mother was kind and friendly and she always read Cassandra bedtime stories. This woman is a mean, ugly looking woman who hurts her with her words as well as physically. This night will be the last night that Cassandra cries herself to sleep and this night is also the night that she made up her mind that her parents are dead and that she will never be able to return to that wonderful place where she and her parents have played board games together and the time where she was happy. Her happiness died the day her father was taken away to the mental hospital.

***

The kids and I are playing in the TV room while Richey is busy working again in his study.

"It's time for bed Jessica. Go say good night to your father and head for bed. I'll be right with you. I just want to put your brother to bed first.

"Okay Mommy." I can hear her pounding footsteps as she runs to say good night to Richey.

I put Tony to bed with no difficulty. He is such an easy child in comparison to Jessica. It takes forever to get her to be quiet and go to sleep. She always wants me to read her a story or she wants me to let her stay up a bit longer. I walk to Jess's room and it looks like she is calm at least tonight. I fix the blankets around her to make sure she is properly covered and I kiss her forehead.

"Good night my little angel. Sweet dreams." I always leave the bed light on so that she doesn't get scared.

"Night, Mommy." She snuggles deeper into her duvet.

Quietly I walk to Richey's study to see if he is almost done with his work for today. I hear him talking to someone as I approach the door to his study.

"Yes, that will be fine. I look forward to this I hope everything will turn out as I plan. I don't know what I will do if Cassidy finds out what I am doing." There is a moment of silence as he listens to what the person on the other line is saying. "Thank you, you are the best. I love you too. I'll let you know what time you can come over. I'm not sure what time I will be able to get Cassidy out of the house."

I can't believe my ears, I should have known that something was going on that first day I saw that Brenda woman in Richards' office. I had so much faith in him, I didn't want to believe that he was having an affair but all the signs were there, I was just too stupid to acknowledge them. I tiptoe to our bedroom. I decide to say nothing about what I heard when I eavesdropped. . My heart feels like it has been ripped from my body and I can see it lying bleeding on the carpet. I will make him pay for this

***

Cassandra is glad to see Naomi again today.

Cassandra sits on her usual place on her bed while Naomi puts a chair in front of the bed so that she can face Cassandra.

"Hello, Cass. How are you today?" Cassandra knows that this conversation is about what have happened last night, she knows that what Naomi is going to tell her is not going to be good news.

"I'm good, thank you." She takes her teddy and crushes it to her chest.

"I'm glad to hear that. I am afraid I have some bad news for you." Naomi leans forward in her chair.

"I'm afraid that you won't be able to see your mother any more. I know it's hard on you but remember that we only want the best for you. Your mother is very ill and only if she changes her lifestyle we will consider it that you can live with her again." Naomi pauses to catch the emotion playing on Cassandras' face. It strikes her as odd because she can't see any emotions in her eyes. It looks as if she doesn't care.

Cassandra is silent and doesn't say anything. She just looks down and plays with her teddy.

"Don't you want to ask me anything?" Naomi tries to get a reply out of Cassandra.

"No." Cassandra is still looking down and playing with her teddy. Naomi gets up and places the chair where she found it.

"Well, I have a lot of other stuff to do so I'll talk to you a bit later, okay?"

Cassandra just nods her head in reply.

***

It's our seventh anniversary today, the first six years were the best of my life but this last year things were so rough. I am a determined woman and I won't give up so easily on our marriage like this. I think that Richey is cheating on me but today is the day that I set things right between us. It's still early this Saturday morning but I can't sleep any more. I watch as my husband sleeps. He still look as attractive as the first time I met him, I love him very much. How did we end up here? He used to love me as much or even more than I loved him. My love for him never changed but why did his love change for me? Richey must be having a happy dream because he is grinning like an idiot. He looks adorable though. I can't help myself and I touch the corner of his mouth where his dimple is showing. Richard stirs a little. I take my hand away and lie back down on my side of the bed.

Suddenly he is on top of me kisses me passionately. "Good morning." He kisses my forehead.

"Hey, did you sleep well?"

He flops back on the bed beside me.

"Like a baby and you?" He looks in high spirits.

"I slept fine thanks."

He gets up. "I'll be right back." Five minutes later he is back with two mugs of coffee. He hands me my cup. "With all my love." He sits down on the side of the bed so that he is facing me.

"Do you still love me like you did in the beginning?" I couldn't help asking that question, I have been burning to know the answer.

"No I don't." He says this with a serious look on his face. "I love you even more than before." He puts down his coffee and takes me in his arms. "You are the love of my life and that will never change."

"Will you ever leave me?" I must sound pathetic to him, but I have to know.

He props himself up on one arm and looks me straight in the face. "I promise that I will never leave you." He looks at my expression more closely. "Don't you believe me?" I can see it in his eyes that he means every word he is saying.

"Of course I believe you." I pull his face to mine and kiss him gently on the lips.

***

Cassandras' teacher is very concerned about her and they still have their regular chats in break once a week.

"How are you Cass? Are you doing okay in that home?"

"I'm doing great. I miss being at home but I feel safer in the home."

The teacher can see that Cassandra is telling the truth.

"I understand but you are a great kid and it won't be long before someone else wants to take you in their care or even adopt you if you want."

Cassandra shakes her head. "I don't want to live with strangers. It is too scary."

"I understand." The teacher gets up. "Well, break is almost over you can go now."

She shakes her head again. "I will like it if we can talk a little bit more." This is the first time that Cassandra doesn't want to go and play with her friends. The friendship between the teacher and Cassandra has grown lately and the chats between them are a pleasure for the both of them.

"To tell you the truth I would like that as well." The teacher loves Cassandra very much. She never had a child of her own, she is single and the guys never seem to stick around so that the relationship can become more than dating. She is a perfectionist and her boyfriend seem to find that very frustrating.

"Well, do you think that if someone you know takes you in that it will be easier for you?" She ventures, a plan taking form in her mind.

She nods. "If someone I know wants to care for me than that will be okay."

The bell rings and break is over, kids start to enter the room and soon it is very noisy inside the classroom.

"We'll talk later." The teacher is already trying to get order in her classroom and Cassandra walks to her desk.

***

My irritating roommate comes out of the bathroom as soon as the man leaves the room. She is singing (very poorly I might add) that same song from days before. I remember it now it is a song from the group My Chemical Romance:

" _Remember when you broke your foot from jumping from the second floor?_

I'm not okay, I'm not okay hey, hey. I'm not okay, you wear me out."

It such a relevant song in so many ways. She suddenly stops her singing and smiles at me.

"Oops, sorry I know I'm not allowed to sing." She puts her hands up as if in defence.

"Thanks, I guess." I say sarcastically.

"What did you mean when you said that I didn't have a problem with you before?"

"Oh, so now you want to talk to me. Can it be?" She stares at me in mock surprise.

She is getting on my nerves but I'm not prepared to let this topic go so easily.

"Just answer the question please." I say through clenched teeth.

"And can you believe it. She is even asking me nicely."

I can't stand this; this woman just brings out my bad side.

"Quit your babbling and just answer the freaking question."

"There is the side that I know and so dearly appreciate." She smiles a taunting smile.

"I give up." I get up from my bed and walk to the bathroom.

"Come on are you giving up so easily? I thought you were a fighter?"

I stop in my tracks and turn toward her.

"I don't have any energy left to fight with you. I'm done I just want to go home now." I continue toward the bathroom and decide against it. I make my way to the bed instead. I'm not in the mood to hide out in the bathroom all day.

"It puzzles me that you don't recognise me." She is twirling around like a model on a walkway.

Does she ever shut up?

"I don't know who you are and I never did."

Suddenly she turns towards me, her face inches from mine.

"Are you sure, dear?" Her large green eyes stare at me intensely. She reminds me of a cat staring at its prey. She seems to enjoy my confusion. What the hell is this woman on about?

"What are you talking about? You don't even know me and I don't know you either." I try to stare back at her in defiance.

She gives a short laugh, the laugh that is now so typical of her. "I know your secret and I know you. You are just in denial and one day when you wake up to reality you will recognise me."

"Well thank you. I will keep that in mind."

I get up off my bed and go to the bathroom. It will be easier for me to endure the toilet odour than the irrational babble of that woman. I shut the door and plug my ears to keep out the noise.

***

"I'm just going to get some more coffee at the shop quickly. I'll be right back, watch the kids will you?"

Richey pokes his head around the computer screen and replies: "No problem Honey. Can you get my suit jacket from the drycleaners while you are out, please? I'll really appreciate it."

"I will do that, fortunately it is on my way."

As soon as Cassidy starts her car and drives out the driveway Richard jumps up from his computer and begins putting the kids' clothes and toys in their bags. He hopes that he doesn't forget anything, he has to work quickly he doesn't have a lot of time. Brenda is on her way with the tickets and Veronica is coming to pick up the children. He thinks that maybe he'll call Cassidy to stall her a bit longer and to buy himself some extra time.

He had just finished packing the kids' bags when the front door opened.

"Hey Mom, you are just on time." He gives her a quick kiss in the cheek.

"Hello Grandma." Jess sees her grandmother and she jumps into her arms and gives her a tight hug.

"Let's go see if your daddy remembered to put everything in your bags." She leads Jessica to her room. "You are going to come and visit me for a couple of days. We are going to have so much fun."

Richard runs to his bedroom and grab all the clothes he had put aside to pack today. He was pretty clever he had put all the clothes for the trip on one pile in his closet so that he wouldn't have to struggle to get everything packed so quickly. He was halfway with packing his clothes when the doorbell rang a second time.

"I'll get it Mom." He knows that she will answer the door if he says nothing.

"Hey." Brenda stands in the front door with two airplane tickets in her hand. "I have the tickets."

"Hey, come in." He beckons for her to step in. "I really appreciate it."

She nods and smiles at him. "It's nothing. I just want to run the last couple of specifics past you."

He motions to her to follow him. "I'm just busy packing. You can talk to me while I'm busy." He starts to pile the clothes into the suitcase again.

"Okay, first..."

They both heard the front door open. Brenda looks at Richard with worry in her eyes.

"Don't worry it is probably my mom."

They hear footsteps coming down the hall.

"Oh, shit." Richard says.

"What is it?" Brenda asked, panicked.

"Cassidy."

Brenda knows that now isn't a time to hide the truth. "Well, then we have to tell her now."

Cassidy enters the room. Both of them turn to look in horror at Cassidy standing in the doorway.

***

Cassandra's teacher stands in front of the home where they are caring for Cassandra. Her heart is racing but she knows that she is doing the right thing. She always wanted a child of her own and this is her chance to make her dream come true and to make a little girl's life a little bit easier. She has been lying awake many nights thinking this through and weighing the pros and cons against each other. The pro's always won no matter what scenario she thought out. She walks up the steps and rings the doorbell next to the door. A friendly looking woman of about forty opened the door with a warm smile.

"Hallo. I have an appointment with Naomi."

"Please come in. She will be right with you."

The teacher sits down on an old sofa by the door. Now her nerves can't take it anymore, she wants to run away. To calm her nerves she looks around the lobby. There is a big old oak desk standing across from the sofa and behind the desk on the wall there are a lot of photos of children of different ages as well as a lot of children's drawings. Wow, they must have taken care of a lot of children over the years.

"What if I can't take good enough care of Cass? I can't do this. Why am I here? I can't care for a child." She thinks to herself but before she could listen to her thoughts Naomi entered the little room.

"Hello. I'm Naomi Castle. Let's go to my office it will be easier if we talk there." She leads the way through the house and out of the back door. "Our offices are in the outside buildings. It is better this way because then we have extra rooms to take children in. You will be surprised if you knew how many children need our help." She comes to a closed wooden door and with a hard shove the door gives way to a little office smelling of old paper, it almost smells like a library in here.

"Please have a seat." Naomi gestured to a chair opposite her desk. She ruffles through some papers looking for the file on Cassandra Bates. The room is filled with dozens of papers and files stacked against the walls. On Naomi's desk there are also a lot of files stacked up on the sides. Naomi takes some of the files which are in her way and place them neatly on the ground.

"Wow, you have a lot of paperwork here." She said in awe.

Naomi just smiles. "We moved into this offices about three weeks ago and it's been a mission ever since to find a place for everything. This office is a lot smaller than I am used to.

The teacher just nods, her stomach crawling with butterflies.

"So you are serious about taking Cassandra Bates into your care?" Naomi puts on her serious face.

"Yes I am."

"I must say we have done all the necessary paperwork and I have pulled in a few favours, which normally I would never do but your credentials speak for themselves. Well if you are a hundred percent sure and you sign the final papers than you can take Cassandra home with you."

The teacher can't believe her ears. This is one of the happiest moments in her life. She is thrilled that they accepted her request to put Cassandra in her care which she sent in about a month ago. Cassandra doesn't know of the teacher's plans to become her foster mom and the teacher hopes that it will be a pleasant surprise.

"I just have one question."

Naomi looks up from the documents she is getting ready for the teacher to sign.

"Shoot."

The teacher clears her throat. "Cassandra told me that she wants her names to change. Is that possible?"

"Yes but I will advise you to first run it past Cassandra again, she could have changed her mind."

The teacher nods her head in agreement. "That goes without saying. I just wanted to know if that was possible."

They signed all the paperwork and it was time to go and tell Cassandra the good news. The teacher's heart began to race again. What if Cassandra isn't up to it? What if she doesn't like the idea of living with her? They walk through the house to one of the rooms at the back of the house. Naomi knocks on the door.

"Cassandra? Can I come in?" There is a shuffle in the room and then the door opens.

"Hello Cassandra. You have a visitor." She steps back and beckons to the teacher. Cassandra's face lights up.

"Hello Cass." The teacher steps forward and Cassandra gives her a tight hug. Cassandra is overwhelmed to see her teacher.

"I'll leave you two to talk." Naomi says and then turns to the teacher. "Come and see me before you leave." She smiles at the teacher before leaving.

The teacher nods.

"I'm glad you have come. It gets lonely here."

It's very easy to talk to Cassandra these days; it doesn't take a bit of effort for the teacher to get through to the little girl in front of her.

"I'm also glad I'm here and I have some good news for you." They go into the room and they both sit on the bed.

"What is it? Is it a surprise? I like surprises." Cassandra looks very enthusiastic.

"Yes it is a surprise and I hope you'll like it." The teacher takes a deep breath before continuing. She doesn't think her nerves will stand the tension. "I was thinking that you could come and stay with me for a bit. Would you like that?" Cassandra considers this for a moment.

"Are you serious? But what about your other kids or your husband?"

The teacher smiles. "I'm not married and I have no children of my own."

Cassandra smiles. "It will be great to live with you. When can I come and live with you?" The teachers' heart is beating at normal pace again. The happiness she is feeling is bubbling up her throat and she just wants to smile the whole time. "We can leave as soon as your things are packed. Mrs. Castle and I have already sorted out the paperwork."

Cassandra suddenly grabs the teacher around the neck. "Thank you so much." Both of them just sit like this for a while, crying on each other's shoulder and then laughing again.

"Okay pack your things so that we can go home."

Cassandra releases her hands from around the teacher's neck, gets her bag under the bed and starts to pile in all her stuff as quickly as she possibly can.

CHAPTER 8

"Honey, I'm home." I am standing in the door of our bedroom and I am not at all surprised of what I am seeing in front of me. The lying, cheating bastard! Richard and the cheap slut of a Brenda are standing in the room gaping at me in amazement. Did he really think I was so stupid that he would get away with this?

After I overheard that phone conversation I knew that Richard was planning something as soon as I was out of sight. I used the excuse of going to the grocery store and I parked the car a couple of blocks away from the house. I walked back to the house and hid behind a hedge. I saw Veronica's car drive up and I thought that I really was paranoid and nothing is going on. Then I walked back to the car and decided to drive by the house just to make sure everything is still okay. When I neared the house I saw that little Mrs Brenda was getting out of her old jalopy. My blood was boiling, who do they think they are to go behind my back to see each other in my house?

I drove my car around the first corner and parked the car. I was on my way to the house running like a crazed person across the road. I was careful so that I wouldn't be spotted coming into the yard. The front door was widely opened. It didn't look as if they were planning to stay long. The first thing that caught my eyes was the little pink and purple bag standing on the floor by the front door. Is he going to take my kids away with him and his floozy? Over my dead body, I'm not going to let them take my kids away from me. I am not a bad mother.

There are voices coming from our bedroom. I tiptoe to the room; it doesn't help much because of the wooden floor. I come to a stop as I see Richard franticly throwing clothes into his suitcase while Brenda is standing right beside him. I froze and before I knew what was going on I pulled the revolver from my purse. Richard and Brenda turn and I see their faces turning as white as milk.

***

Cassandra is doing very well living with her teacher. It was a huge adjustment for both of them but they are getting on very well. A month has passed since the first time the two of them walked through the front door together.

It's a rainy Saturday evening; the teacher has just put Cassandra to bed when the doorbell rang. As quietly as possible the teacher goes to the front door and opens it to find her worst nightmare at the door. She goes out the door and silently shut the door behind her. Her face is a mask of horror and anger.

"What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"

The woman standing before the teacher is soaked to the bone, her eyes are bloodshot and she is swaying on her feet. There is no reply from the woman.

"Go home or I call the police."

Natalie lunges toward the teacher.

"I want my daughter! How dare you take her from me! You are not her mother." The words are slurred and her grasp around the teacher's neck is iron tight.

"Let me go. You're choking me." The teacher pulls at her hands and when that doesn't work she gets a handful of hair in her hand. She pulls as hard as she can and pray that it will help to get Natalie off of her.

"Ouch!" Natalie loosens her grip on the teacher's throat. The teacher takes advantage and punches her as hard as she can in the face. The sky lights up as lightning strikes. The teacher turns her back to go into the house and phone the police but Natalie grabs her by the hair and tries to push her to the ground. Natalie is too strong for the teacher to get her off her now. Natalie smashes her head to the ground. The teacher is unconscious. Natalie is panting heavily. This woman gave her a hard time she thinks to herself.

She looks at the woman lying in the mud, she is out cold. She will have enough time to grab Cassandra and be gone before this lady starts to wake up. She walks to the door and steps inside. The house is very warm inside and it looks cosy. Natalie has to watch her step as the wooden boards of the floor creaks a lot. She doesn't want to wake Cassandra up just yet; she maybe reluctant to go with her because of the rubbish that social worker put in her head.

The first room she goes into is a big room with a double bed in. The bed is still made; this room must be the teacher's. She continues through the house. There is a room at the end of the hall where the door is closed and there is a bed lamp or something on inside because on the floor it casts a dull light from under the door. This must be the room. She quietly opens the door...

***

Cassandra lies in her bed still wide awake. She doesn't know why but she can't go to sleep immediately after her teacher puts off the light. She listens to the rain pattering on the roof, the sound soothes her somehow. She hears her teacher walking through the house as quietly as possible; she doesn't want to disturb Cassandra. The doorbell rang, Cassandra sits up in bed. Isn't it a bit late for visitors? She lies back on the bed. It must be a friend of the teacher, she isn't at the home anymore and it may be possible for friends to come and visit the teacher so late. She holds her breath and tries to listen to what is being said outside. It is very quiet and Cassandra decides to go investigate. She looks through the window beside the front door and she starts to tremble.

Her mother is arguing with the teacher, she has her hands wrapped around the teacher's throat. Cassandra freezes as she sees this and holds her breath. What must she do? The teacher grabs her mother's hair and is pulling at it. Her mother lets go of the teacher's throat. She lets out a sigh of relieve at the sight of the teacher walking to the front door. She sees her mother grabbing the teacher's hair, she can't bear to watch anymore and she runs to the phone. She dials the number the way they have been taught at school 10111.

"Hello SAPD. How may we be of assistance?"

"My teacher is being attacked please come help her." There is a moment of silence.

"Just stay calm. We'll send someone right away." There is a loud zap of lightning and the phone dies.

Cassandra runs back to the window to see the teacher lying on the ground and her mother slowly swaying to the front door. She runs and gets into the closet of the teacher's room. She sits as still as possible as she hears the footsteps coming closer to where she is hiding. The footsteps come to a halt for a half minute then walks further along the hall. Cassandra sneaks as fast as she can from her hiding place and walks quickly along the hall to the front door. She peers over her shoulder to look straight into her mother's eyes. For a moment time froze and mother and daughter just stood there staring at each other, then everything happened very fast.

Cassandra started to run to the door desperately trying to get away from this monster and Natalie sets off after Cassandra. Natalie can't walk straight and therefore her running isn't a huge success either. Cassandra is out the door and she runs into somebody's legs.

"It's okay you are safe now. I'm an officer you can trust me. Go to my car and get into the back." Cassandra nods and runs towards the cruiser. She finds the teacher sitting in the back of the car her head in her hands.

"You're okay!" Cassandra wraps her arms around the teacher's waist. Tears stream down her muddy face as the teacher sees Cassandra.

"I'm so sorry I should have phoned the police as soon as I saw her standing at the door. I'm sorry." The teacher hugs Cassandra to her and she is crying the whole time.

***

"I think you owe me an explanation, don't you think?" I am holding the revolver aimed at Richards' face. Brenda's eyes are franticly searching for a place where she can escape.

"It's no use. You are not getting out of here if I have my way." I address Brenda.

"Honey, what are you doing?" He takes a step towards me.

"Stay where you are or I will blow your head off." He steps away from me. "The real question is what are you doing, Richard? Did you really think you and your floozy could take my kids from me and just leave here unharmed?"

"What are you talking about? We are not taking the kids anywhere." He must think if he puts on a confused face that I will buy his pathetic story.

"Oh, so then you were just planning on leaving my kids here while you and this woman are going away together."

"Cassidy..." Brenda began.

I turn the gun on her.

"Don't you dare speak to me, you have done enough damage. Just shut your face."

"She didn't do anything. We are not going anywhere." Richard is holding out his hands in front of him towards me, in a pleading manner.

I turn the gun to him again.

"So now you are defending her? How sweet." I can't believe him, the bastard.

"You don't understand. Please put the gun down before someone gets hurt."

I laugh. "If you think I'm going to let you off easy then you are making a huge mistake." I walk closer to Richard all the while keeping my eyes on Brenda. "Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how much it hurt to know that you are leaving me for this?" I mention to Brenda, standing glued to the floor her eyes enormous with shock. That's good, I like seeing the shock and fear in her face.

"Cassidy, please give me a chance to explain. Nothing is as it seems, you have it all wrong. I love you too and nothing will change that." He looks so genuine.

I can't believe he has lied to me all this time.

"Shut up I don't want to hear those words pass your lips ever again. What is there to explain anyway? It all seems very plain for me to see."

"Please, I'm begging you, give me a chance to explain everything." He gets down on his knees.

"I'm not done talking so I suggest you listen instead of interrupting me the whole time." I turn to face Brenda. "How does it feel to steal away someone's husband? Are you too lazy to get your own man or can't you find anyone who is interested in you?" I walk a little closer to Brenda so that I can keep an eye on the both of them. "It's sad really. It must be terrible to be rejected by single men all the time."

Brenda opens her mouth and I can see tears welling up in her eyes.

"Shush, I'm not done yet." I aim the revolver on Brenda. "As I was saying: It is sad that you can't get a man that isn't already taken and that you want to have mine." I aim the revolver back at Richard. "But I have got news for you, you have messed with the wrong woman my dear. I'm not letting go of Richard, he is mine till death do us part and if he doesn't like that then death will part us today."

Richard takes a step towards me. "Baby, you can't be serious. I love you and of course I want to spend my whole life with you and only you."

I remove the safety catch from the revolver. "Just take one more step towards me and I swear it will be the last step that you will ever take." I move so that I am between the door and Richard. "Don't underestimate me."

I can see that Brenda is at breaking point, she starts to cry softly.

"Ah, poor baby. SHUT THE HELL UP OR I'LL MAKE YOU!" I point the gun at Brenda's head. That shut her up.

"Can I please get a chance to explain this?" He takes another step toward me.

Before I knew what was happening there came a blast from the revolver and Richard was collapsing onto the floor. I drop the gun as I realise what I have just done.

***

I am busy helping the kids get a couple of toys that Richard forgot to pack. He is a great dad but his work keeps him so busy that he doesn't know what toys his kids like best. I can't blame him - his father never knew his favourite toys either but that didn't make him a bad parent. Raymond was always away on business trips making as much money as he could so that he could provide for his family. Today still my husband will do anything for us.

Richard is in his room packing, I doubt that he will get everything done before Cassidy gets home later. I thought I heard the doorbell; it must be Brenda, that lovely lady that works with Richard. Lately she has been helping my Richey a lot.

"Jessica, you can't take your whole toy box with you." Jessica's arms are full of toys I doubt if she can see where she is walking.

"Gran, it's not all my toys it's just a couple of them." She looks at her grandmother with a confused look on her face.

"Deary me, I hope I have enough space in the car for all the toys."

Tony is standing at the toy box with his rabbit teddy bear pressed to his chest. The rabbit is Anthony's favourite toy and if he has that thing at his side then he doesn't need anything else.

"Let's load this stuff into the car." I take a couple of the dozen or so teddy bears in Jessica's arms and help her carry it to the car. Tony is clinging to my skirt.

We walk to the car and I hear three voices coming from Richard's bedroom. Cassidy must be home I guess.

"Gran, I want to sit in my special stool so long." Jessica always refused to sit in the baby chair and so they renamed the chair as Jessica's special stool so that she would actually sit in it and stop giving them a hard time about it.

"Okay, I will come and get you in a bit so that you can say good bye to your mommy and daddy." Jessica smiles and jumps into the backseat of the car. I take Anthony and put him in the front seat where there is another car chair strapped in.

"I'll be right back." I open the windows so that they won't get hot and walk to the front door of the house.

When I walked past the window to Richard's room I could hear a strange tone in his voice. I struck me as odd and I wasn't expecting that kind of tone from my boy on this special day. Walking softly till I am next to the window I hear a piece of the conversation that is passing inside of the house.

"Cassidy, put down the gun..."

Gun? What on earth! I am shocked to hear that and alarm clocks are starting to go off inside my head. I have to call the police! Things can get pretty ugly if I don't do anything soon. As fast as I can I try to run to the car but my legs are old and stiff and they don't seem to be working together. I made it to the car and I search for my purse. My purse! I left it in the children's bedroom I will have to go into the house to get it.

I make my way around the house and I take off my shoes so that they won't make more noise on the wooden floor. Carefully I walk very slowly into the house pausing after every step to ensure that the floorboards don't creak. I am at the door to the children's room and the floorboard under my feet gives a loud creak. I hold my breath I strain my ears to hear if they noticed me. It sounds as if they didn't hear me. I grab my bag and head for the door again. Sweat is streaming down my face now, I am safely outside and luckily there had been no gunshots. I called the police but all I can do now is wait and hope that Cassidy doesn't do anything stupid.

***

That next Monday after the incident with Cassandra's mom the teacher and Cassandra paid a visit to home affairs.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" The teacher asks Cassandra.

Cassandra has decided that she wants to change her name and she doesn't ever want to see her real mom or dad again. It's actually sad, a kid doesn't have to see anything like what happened Saturday night ever in their life and especially if it is one of their parents acting like that. The teacher can't even imagine what Cassandra must be going through.

"I'm sure. I consider you my mommy now." Cassandra grips her hand tight.

"Okay then let's go do this then." The two of them walk hand in hand to the office where they are about to change their whole life.

Two hours later the papers were completed and signed and they were on their way home.

"What do you say we go for a milkshake?"

Cassandra smiles and nods her head. "Yes please."

The teacher stops and kneels before Cassandra. "I have a plan, seeing that your mother was such a disappointment to you and that I will never ever disappoint you like that I was thinking that you should call me your aunt instead of your mom. What do you think of that? Is that okay with you?"

Cassandra considers this and answers with a brilliant smile on her angel face: "You got it Aunt."

***

Everything happened at once: Brenda was screaming and in an instant she was kneeling at Richard's side. I was just standing there trying to take in what had just happened. I hear footsteps running through the house and someone grabs me by the arm and pulls me out of the room. The guy who took me out of the house was talking to me but I couldn't understand anything that he was saying. He takes me and pushes me into the back of a police cruiser. I can see Veronica standing outside with Jess at her side and Anthony on her hip. The look on Jessica's face was heart-breaking, her cheeks are tear streaked and she looks scared. Anthony is just pressing that rabbit of his against his chest as he watches everything around him, he doesn't know what is going on he is too young to understand. I will never forget the look on Veronica's face, the shock and disbelief, as we drive away in the cruiser.

***

About a month later the Baxter's received their first mail at their new house. The teacher opens the envelope to find the one piece of document which makes their name changes legal.

"Cassandra come here." Cassandra is up in her room playing with her dolls. The teacher hears Cassandra's footsteps as she runs to the door.

"It's here." That is all the teacher manages to say. The smile on Cassandra's face is one of pure relief. "You are now legally known as Cassidy Baxter and I as Ellen Baxter." Cassandra hugs Ellen as she laughs in relief.

"Now we can start our new life Aunt Ellen."

After the incident with Cassandra's mom they have decided that it will be best if they change their names and get on with their lives in a new place. It took them a week to pack and be on their way to Johannesburg to start their new lives. It didn't take to long for Ellen to get a new job seeing as there is such a shortage of teachers in South Africa.

"Thank you for everything, I appreciate it." All the while Cassidy has her arms around Ellen the tears are silently streaming down her face.

Ellen prays as they stand in each other's embrace: Thank you God for putting her in my life and giving me the chance to have a family of my own.

CHAPTER 9

When Richard awoke in the hospital he found his mother asleep at his bedside. She looks so peaceful, he wants to reach out and touch her cheek so that she knows that he is okay. He can't move his arm to reach out and he realises that his arm is burning like hellfire. He is in a white room lined with three beds on each side. The smell of the room makes him realise he is in the hospital. Why is he at the hospital?

It all becomes clear and he remembers that Cassidy shot him. Oh, my gosh! Where are the kids and what happened to Cassidy? He tries to speak out so that his mother will wake up. His throat is too dry and he only manages to get out a sigh but that isn't enough to get his mom to wake up.

He moves his other arm and finds that he can move that one, he sees the buzzer and he manages to press it. He could hear a shrill sound from down the hall. Footsteps approach down the hall a moment later. A small woman of about thirty rounded the corner with a wide grin on her face.

"I'm glad to see you are up Mr Flemming." She sees Veronica in the chair next to her bed and automatically lowers her voice. "Sorry I didn't want to disturb your mother. What seems to be the problem?" She looks at his vitals and feels his forehead to see if his fever broke yet.

"I...I" He can't seem to get any further words out.

"I see your throat is pretty dry." She adjusts the bed so that he is sitting up in it. "Here have some water." She holds a glass with a straw out to his lips. He manages to take a sip of the water through the straw.

"Thank you." His voice sounds raw.

"My pleasure. Is that all or is there something else I can do for you?"

Richard shakes his head. "No thank you that will be all."

The woman checks everything again and walks off toward the door. Richard waits until the nurse is out of sight before he wakes his mother.

"Mom, wake up. I'm awake." She stirs a bit in the chair but it doesn't seem as if she is going to wake up like this. He reaches out with his good arm. He manage to stroke her arm slightly. "Mom?"

Mrs Flemming stretches and smiles at her son. "Hey, you are awake."

"Yes, slept well?"

"I had worse sleep. How are you feeling?"

"My arm hurts. What exactly happened? How long was I out?"

"Settle down I'll tell you everything but please be still."

He nods and rests his head against the pillows.

"Cassidy shot you."

"I know that much. I want to know what happened after I passed out."

"Well I overheard your conversation and I heard you saying something about Cassidy having a gun. I gathered that you were in trouble so I called the police but they only arrived at the house after she shot you."

"Where are the kids? What happened to Cassidy?"

"The police arrested Cassidy as soon as they arrived, she is still in custody and her trial is later today. The kids are at our house with your father. He was here the whole of yesterday and so he volunteered to watch the kids today so that I can come to the hospital. We were so worried about you. You were lucky that she only shot you in the arm and not through the heart where she was aiming at. Brenda told me that the impact of the gun shook her hand and she shot you in the arm. Brenda is at her home, she is a bit shaken up but she will be okay."

"That's good to know. I'm glad everyone is okay." He still looks worried.

"Mom I can't understand what has gotten into her, she was not herself. I think she is sick."

"Yes, Son she is sick and she will get the help she needs as soon as the trial is over. We got her a good lawyer, I am sure you would have wanted that. The court will decide what would be the best."

He just stares out the window still worrying about the woman who tried to kill him.

***

It must be early in the morning because it is still dark in the room, I cannot sleep and I lay staring at the ceiling.

"Alright already. I'll tell you what I mean when I said that you didn't have a problem with me before."

That was random. I sit myself up in bed and stare across the room into the darkness. Suddenly she is right in my face.

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" I can hear my heart racing in my ears.

"I can't talk to someone I can't see." She sits herself down in front of me on my bed. "We used to be friends you know."

"But that can't be. I didn't have any irritating friends."

I can see her rolling her eyes at me. "I'm serious."

"Well go ahead then, humour me." I sit back against the pillows on the bed.

"I used to be your best friend but you threw me away like rubbish. You told me that it was my fault that your father was taken away."

I laugh in her face. "You are delusional. I don't have a father; he died when I was ten."

She looks at me with contempt in her eyes. "So you are just going to forget the past just like that? I've got news for you: You can't outrun the past it will always be a part of who you are."

"What are you talking about?" I don't understand what this woman is going on about.

"I don't want to talk to you if you are going to play dumb with me. Tell me when you are interested in acknowledging the truth." She turns and walks away into the dark.

"What? Are you insane? I am telling the truth here. My parents died when I was ten. I never in all my life have been friends with you."

There is no reply on the other side of the room. I get up and walk over to her bed but she is not there. Maybe she went to the bathroom. I feel my way to the bathroom. It's still very dark in the room. I poke my head around the door of the bathroom. It's empty. It seems like the woman just disappeared into thin air.

***

I persuaded my mother to go home and to get a proper night's rest. Wow, I can't believe what has happened in the past twenty four hours. My mind is still spinning from it all. I don't even remember being shot. I just felt this horrible pain in my arm and then I must have passed out. But the image I can't get out of my head is the coldness in my darling Cassie's eyes when she aimed the weapon at me. It was like looking at a stranger. I'm not pressing charges I could never do that. I love her too much, but I have to do something. She needs my help and I will do everything in my power to see that she gets the best medical attention. I still can't believe it, all this time and I never realised that there was something wrong with her. How can that be possible? How can you live with a person for nearly seven years and not see that?

I wonder if Jessica realises what is going on, she is a bright kid and nothing passes her. I'll ask my mom to bring the kids to the hospital tomorrow to come and visit. The doctor doesn't know when he will be releasing me and I am still waiting for him to come around again. They are saying that my body hasn't yet recovered from the shock of being shot and I must rest a lot but how can I sit in this bed while my whole life is falling apart? I love Cassidy with all my heart and I want reassure her of that. How could she ever think that I was having an affair with Brenda? I must set things right as soon as I get out of here.

I am the only patient in this room and there is no TV in here, I am bored out of my mind and all I can do is replay the scenes in my mind. It worries me to think that she thought Brenda and I were having an affair. What on earth gave her that idea in the first place? Can't she see that I would never do that to her? Is this her illness that made her have such irrational thoughts? It all makes sense somehow, all the questions she asked, wanting to be reassured that I would never leave her. Oh Cassidy, what happened to you to make you so suspicious and doubtful?

I can still see Cassidy standing in front of me with the revolver stuffed in my face but the worst thing that I can't block from my thoughts is that the look in her eyes. One could see that she felt betrayed and that she despised me and it hurt her terribly. Will I ever be able to convince her that I would never leave her and that I don't blame her?

I hear a child's voice in the hall and a moment later my parents and the kids stepped into the room. Jessica ran to my bedside and jumped up onto the bed to sit beside me.

"Daddy!" She is very glad to see me.

Anthony also comes closer to the bed but he doesn't really understand what is going on, he looks confused. He looks so small and helpless. This is the first time he has ever been away from his mother for such a lengthy period. It must be frightening for him.

"I want my mommy." He says with all the earnestness of a two-year old.

"Tony, come here." I beckon with my good arm for him to come to me. Grandpa helps him and sits him beside me on the other side of the bed that is not occupied by Jessica. I put my arm around him. "Your mommy is sick and we have to wait till she gets better."

He still looks confused and his lower lip is starting to tremble. Please don't let him cry I couldn't bear it.

"I'll make sure that you see your mommy as soon as I can." That didn't seem to convince him very much but he understood what I told him.

"Daddy? Daddy, we had such a great time at Grandma's house. Grandpa played with me and Tony, he tickled me a lot." Jessica can't stop talking, she has a lot of stuff to fill me in on and she makes it her mission to tell me everything right this minute.

"Whoa. Slow down Love I can't keep up. I promise that you can tell me everything as soon as I get home but I want to talk to Grandma and Grandpa now."

"You and your father can chat so long I'll take the kids to get them some cold drinks." She said, scooping up Anthony from the bed. "Come on you two let's go for a walk." Very reluctantly Jessica climbs off the bed and follows her grandmother out of the room.

"How are you Son? I've been very worried about you, you know."

"I'm fine Dad. I'm sorry for what you are being put through."

He waves his hand as if to dismiss it. "Don't apologise for something that is not your fault."

I wipe away the perspiration from my brow. The painkillers must be working out now; hopefully soon the nurse will be back with the medication.

"I know Dad but I feel so responsible for her outburst. I have been working very hard and I should have given her and the kids more of my time, I really neglected them these past couple of months."

"You only did what was the best for your family. You can't provide for a family of three if you don't have a job and make any money. You are working hard for your family and no one can hold that against you, do you hear me?"

I sigh. "I know Dad but that doesn't change the fact that I feel guilty about it." This is something I think my dad will never understand so to avoid this conversation turning into an argument which I truly do not have the strength for I change the subject. "Do you know what happened at Cassidy's trial today?"

He shifts his weight in the chair and leans a little closer. "They decided to postpone the trial because of you being in the hospital. I thought that you should be there."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you Dad. I appreciate it."

"Besides," he added "they think that she should get a proper psychiatric evaluation before they proceed."

It is difficult to tell what my father is thinking at the moment he has never been a man who shows much emotion. I wish I could be like that but I am not. Maybe it is the physical pain together with the mental anguish I am experiencing which is proving to be too much for me but I can feel the tears welling up inside. Please don't let me cry in front of my father.

Too late though. He has already seen it. "It's alright Son, it's alright." For the first time in my adult life I cry like a child in my father's arms.

***

I can hear Jessica coming down the hall. She has a rather vociferous voice which carries quite a distance. A moment later Jessica and Anthony came through the door both of them hand in hand with their grandmother.

"Daddy, Grandma brought us green cold drink." She shows me the can in her hand.

"That's nice of her." I smile at my little girl who looks so much like her mother. She has even adopted most of her mannerisms; the way she holds her head when she is listening, the tone she takes with her brother when she is being bossy.

Jessica climbs onto the bed again. Anthony is busy slurping his green cold drink and does not seem to be interested in anything else.

"I brought something to read, I notice that you have nothing to do here." My mother hands me the Men's Health magazine.

"Thanks mom, you are the best. I swear if you hadn't given me this to read I would have lost my mind."

The nurse from yesterday enters the room. "Unfortunately visiting hours are over now, you will have to leave." She gives my parents an apologetic but stern look.

After we said our goodbyes I am left alone again with nothing but time to kill and think of my future. Will our lives ever be the same again? How are we going to get past what happened? What if Cass is committed, what on earth am I going to tell our children? We don't talk about it but I know my parents. They haven't said anything and they are pretending that everything's okay but I'm not okay! I don't even know what they are doing to my wife!

***

The old man came again today. The woman is still missing and I am feeling more depressed than ever.

"Have you considered what I told you the last time I was here?" He says this as he puts the chair in front of my bed again. I stand up and walk over to where the table is.

"Yes, but I still don't have an idea what you're on about." Suddenly out of the blue I get a strange flash back of some kind. The man suddenly looks so familiar to me.

He considers it for a moment. "Do you remember what happened before you woke up in this place the first time?"

"I was on my way to the grocery store and that is the last thing I remember."

He makes a note on one of the pieces of paper that he has in front of him. "Do you know who I am?"

I laugh at him. "I have no clue who you are or what you are doing here except for what you just told me Doc and neither do I know what I am supposed to be doing here." I am getting angry and I didn't even realise that I have raised my voice.

"Stay calm Cassidy, you don't want another injection, do you?"

"So you know my name?" I snarl at him. "That places you in a better position that myself. Who are you?"

He shakes his head. "I don't want to tell you all of that because it is better if you remember it yourself."

I walk toward the man. "What? What must I remember? What is wrong with you people? I just want to go home! Don't you understand that? I want to be with my family!" My face is inches from his and I stare straight into his ice blue eyes. It doesn't seem to bother him all that much. He just sits quietly.

The freaky dude must have heard my yelling because he storms into the room with a syringe ready to inject me. The man in front of me holds up his hand.

"No, I don't think that will be necessary just yet. You can go now; I'll call you if I need you." The freaky dude does as he is told and leaves the room without as much as a word. "Are you going to behave yourself or will I have to call the nurse again?"

"Are you telling me that, that guy is a nurse?" I can't believe my ears.

He nods his head.

"What does that make you? The mad doctor?" I sneer.

He smiles at my choice of words. "Yes I am a doctor; in fact I am Doctor Ronald." He holds out his hand for me to shake it. I ignore him and walk to the furthest part of the room. That name sounds so familiar to me but I don't know how I am familiar with it.

"I heard of you before. Your name sounds familiar." I concur.

He smiles at me again. "You are remembering. Yes you heard of me before because you were here once before."

This is starting to sound more ridiculous by the second. I start to pace around the room.

"I don't recall that." I try to keep my anger in check because I definitely don't want to be injected again.

"I don't think you will be able to, you were too young. I think you were about nine or ten at the time."

"Can you please leave now? I don't have to listen to these preposterous lies."

He gets up from the chair and gathers up all of his notes.

"As you wish but if you remember anything at all, please let me know." He walks out of the room without as much as a backward glance at me.

***

I woke up the next morning to find the woman back in the room.

"How did you get out of this room?" I ask as I see she is awake.

"Magic." She doesn't seem in a very talkative mood today.

"What's your name?" She looks at me with an amused look on her face.

"You know we have been in this room for how long now and it only occurred to you now that you don't know my name." Sadly she shakes her head at me.

"I know but before I wasn't interested to know your name and now I am." At least she is someone to talk to, irritating though she may be. I have been in this place for goodness knows how long and it is getting to me.

"What made you interested in knowing my name?" She sits up in her bed so she can look me in the eyes.

I just shrug. "Nothing specific. I decided that I wanted to know your name."

She gives her characteristic short laugh.

"Guess my name. I'll give you three tries and if you are wrong then I'll tell you."

Jeez, are we playing The Weakest Link now I wonder?

"I just asked you a stupid question and you have to make it a game now?" This is ridiculous.

"If you don't guess you'll never know." She is smiling.

"Cut the crap and tell me who you are." I raise my voice again.

Her lower curls into a pout. "You are such a spoilt sport! You are not as much fun as you used to be."

"Don't act like you know me." I am pacing the room to calm myself.

"Alright I'll tell you." She takes a deep breath. "I'm Millie you Dumbo."

"It wasn't so hard then, was it? My name is Cassidy Flemming." She nods her head.

"Oh I know that." She smiled a conspirator's smile, "But that wasn't always your name was it?"

Something had just clicked in my head and I begin to put the pieces together.

"Oh my... Millie? What the... You are not real - you were just an imaginary friend." What is happening to me? My body is starting to tremble. This can't be happening.

"If you can see me then I must be real. Your daddy also saw me."

Anger is flaming up inside of me. I can feel it rising and rising like a horrible volcano.

"Don't you dare talk to me about my father." I growl at her.

The next moment the door opened and the doctor came in again.

"Hello, Cassidy can we chat for a while?" He comes in without waiting for my reply.

"Your name is Doctor Ronald?"

He seems glad that I remember and nods his head.

"That's correct, yes."

I know him, it dawns on me. "You were the doctor who treated my father. My mother and I came here one time to come and visit my father."

"I am so glad that you are starting to remember things. I was very worried about you, you were out of it when they first brought you here but it seems that the drugs have worked themselves out of your system." I feel very confused and scared.

"Are you telling me that I am in a mental hospital?" No, it can't be my thoughts scream in my head.

"I am afraid so. Do you remember why they brought you here?"

I feels as if my head wants to explode. I sit down heavily in the chair. My legs no longer want to carry my weight. "No, I only remember that I woke up here a week or so ago and I was not feeling myself. Please tell me what is going on doctor."

He shifts in his chair. "Look at this first and then we can talk about it afterwards if you feel like it. I'll give you a moment and if you are up to it just call me, I'll be right outside the door." He ruffles through his papers and produces a newspaper clipping. He hands me the clipping and gets up to go out the door.

"Doctor?"

He turns and smiles at me. "Yes, my dear?"

I take a deep breath to gather my courage.

"How long have I been here?"

"A month, maybe even a little longer." He walks out the door.

***

When I got out of the hospital after a few days of rest, the first thing I did was to go to the police station to find out what was going to happen to Cassidy. An officer informed me that Cassidy was taken to Witrand Hospital in Potchefstroom. They sent her for a psychiatric evaluation just like my father said. I also told the police that I was not pressing any charges but the state already opened a case on my behalf. We would only be going to court in about a month's time for the re-evaluation of the case. That was the earliest available time because the court role was full.

A week after I was at the police station the doctor from Witrand called me and so I went to see Cassidy at the hospital. It was horrifying! She was disorientated and she didn't even recognise me. The doctor told me that it was the medication they had given her to calm her down. Dr Ronald explained to me how something triggered real or imagined triggered her into a manic episode and made her act in the way she did. According to the doctor this mental illness goes way back and was misdiagnosed when Cassidy was a child. He finds it truly amazing that she had coped with it for so long without any problem it seemed. He explained to me that because of the psych evaluations' results that Cassidy will be staying at the hospital till she is well again and that she will not be sent to jail for attempted murder.

I was shocked when the doctor asked me about Cassidy and if I knew that her dad was also a patient of his years ago. He died a few years ago of natural causes. I found out that Cassidy Baxter was called Cassandra Bates before she had her name changed. Her mother was an alcoholic and so she was sent to a home for abused children until she was adopted by her Aunt Ellen. Aunt Ellen is not her real aunt; she was one of Cassidy's teachers in primary school. Her dad had more or less the same illness as Cassidy and he never recovered from it. After Aunt Ellen adopted Cassidy they moved to Johannesburg and never saw her mother again.

How could she keep something like this from me? Doesn't she trust me? She never wanted to talk to me about her parents and when I asked she just told me that both of her parents died when she was ten years old. She was living a lie for so long and the only person that new her secret was her Aunt Ellen. I tried to call Aunt Ellen but she and Derrick are overseas visiting some family of Derrick's. She is going to be crushed when she finds out about this. What should I say to her? What about our kids? What happens if Cassidy doesn't recover from this or what happens when she does?

The thing that worries me the most is, should this illness be hereditary which one of them will inherit it from their mother? Oh my God I don't even want to think about that! What am I supposed to tell them when they ask for their mother? Anthony is already beginning to show separation anxiety. He screams every time I leave the room. I have to sneak away to work. I shudder to think the damage all of this are doing to my children. These thoughts kept milling through my head and I have no answers for any of them.

To think that one's life can change so drastically in a moment is just mind-boggling. The ear-splitting ringing of the telephone startled me so much that I jumped right out my chair, spilling the television remote onto the carpet.

"Hello?" I have to clear my throat.

"Mr Flemming? This is Dr Ronald."

My heart is doing cartwheels in my chest. Is it possible that he has some good news for me for a change?

"Hello Doctor. Is everything alright? Has something happened with Cassidy?"

I can hear that he has been running or walking very fast because he is panting in my ear.

"No, no nothing has happened and everything is under control. I just thought you would like to hear that Cassidy has started to remember bits and pieces of the past."

I don't know what to say. Should I be worried or happy?

"Mr Flemming? Are you there?"

I pull myself back to reality.

"Yes, I am sorry Doctor. That is wonderful news. When can I see her?"

***

My heart is racing at a hundred beats per second as I fold open the newspaper clipping and read it for the third time:

WIFE ALMOST KILLS HUSBAND

Mr Richard Flemming a well-known businessman in the Pretoria district was hospitalised on Saturday morning after his wife Mrs Cassidy Flemming shot and wounded him in the arm. It is alleged that the wife came home from the supermarket to find her husband packing his bags with a woman standing beside him. The wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with said woman and threatened to kill the both of them in a jealous rage.

Mr Flemming was actually organising a surprise romantic getaway for him and his wife and he had asked the other woman, Ms Brenda Le Roux, to help him with the arrangements. She was just stopping by to give him the airplane tickets when the wife got home. Mr Flemming tried to reason with his enraged wife but to no avail and she shot him once. No attempt was made to shoot Ms Le Roux who was an employee of the husband.

Mr Flemming's mother was picking up her two grandchildren and had been standing outside of the house when Mrs Cassidy Flemming threatened her son and she overheard him pleading with her to put the gun down she called the police. The police arrived at the scene only minutes after Mr Flemming was shot.

It is not known at this stage if charges will be pressed. Mr Flemming is busy recovering from his injuries in hospital. It is alleged that Mrs Flemming will be kept in observation to assess her state of mind.

Everything seems to come flooding back to me. I remember now what had happened. This is terrible! How could I do that? I actually shot my husband! Brenda and Richey, I saw them together and then something just snapped.

There is a soft knock on the door.

"Come in Doctor. I want to talk."

***

Dr Ronald and I spoke for what seemed an eternity. Not even to Aunt Ellen have I disclosed so much of myself and my thoughts. It left me feeling drained.

"How long do I have to I stay here?"

"You'll stay here as long as it takes you to get better."

This is my worst nightmare come true. We sat a while in silence.

"We are now at this stage in which you have to take your medication and we will observe you and see how it goes and if you remain stable for a period of time the board will make a decision. Then there is also the trial."

It felt like cold water being poured over my head. I never gave it a thought. There will be a trial. I could go to jail. Caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea. There never seemed to be a truer expression.

I must have gone pale because Dr Ronald seems concerned.

"Are you alright Cassidy?"

"I am okay I guess. I just hadn't thought about the trial."

"Remember when you broke your foot from jumping from the second floor? I'm not okay, I'm not okay hey, hey. I'm not okay, you wear me out."

Millie's song is playing in my mind. I try to shut it out, but it just keeps on getting louder and louder. Have to stay calm, I just have to.

Dr Ronald pats my hand. "You just concentrate on getting better. We will deal with everything else as it comes along."

"What about my kids, my family?"

The doctor opens his notebook and makes a few notes. "You can ask your husband when he comes in this afternoon."

I feel so ashamed of myself.

"Richard is coming here? Does he really want to see me?" I can't stop the tears coursing down my cheeks.

"Yes, he loves you very much and he wants to see you."

"But what if I act out again?" Richard must think I am some kind of monster. I can't believe he would want to see me. Hell, I don't even want to see me.

"If you drink your medicine then hopefully you won't have any more of these episodes."

I am too fearful to ask the next question but it is very important to know the answer so I gather all my courage and ask: "Will Millie go away too?"

The doctor puts his notebook down and takes my hand.

"Cassidy, you control who you see and don't see. Millie is a figment of your imagination and if you don't want to see her then make her go away. The medicine can help you with that but you can do that yourself, you did it once before."

Well, I guess if I did it when I was little I can do it now as well. The doctor looks into my eyes to see if am taking this well. I wonder what he might be thinking. Is he afraid of me? What had I done in the time that I can't remember? Had I hurt anyone else? The doctor can see the worry in my eyes.

"Don't worry we will get through this and you will be your old self again in no time." He presses my hand tightly.

"Can you please go now?" I feel naked before him. I had told him too much today; bared my soul so to speak. He must think I am a horrible person.

He releases my hand and leaves.

I am just sitting on the bed thinking about everything the doctor just told me. What have I done? Will I ever see my kids again? A hundred questions are racing through my head. The silent tears are still streaming down my face and I grab my pillow and hug it tightly to my chest and curl up on the bed wishing that this was all just a dream...

***

I am standing in the reception area waiting for Doctor Ronald. My hands are sweaty and l am very nervous. I hope she remembers me this time and hopefully she doesn't want to kill me. I begin to pace going through things that I want to say to her but everything that comes to mind is not worth it. A grey haired man dressed in a light blue shirt and a pair of Chinos is approaching me. He looks like a friendly guy with a kind heart.

"Mr Flemming, I am Dr Ronald. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." He extends his hand in greeting. He has a firm hold for an old guy. He must have been very strong when he was younger.

"Nice to meet you too." I mumble. He begins walking the way that he had come.

"Shall we?" He leads the way and I follow him blindly not knowing what to expect.

We are walking along which seems an endless hall. There are a couple of doors coming out of the hall but so far I haven't seen any crazy people. The doctor slows his pace and waits for me to enter into a tiny room; he closes the door behind himself. It must be his office. In the middle of the room there is a big oak desk and two chairs. Hardly room for anything else, only a bookshelf stacked with books mounted to the wall at his back. To my surprise there are no photos on his desk and also no papers. It's just the empty desk standing there in the middle of the room. Weird.

"Have a seat. I would first like to speak to you before we go and see your wife."'

"It's fine with me."

The doctor goes to sit opposite me in his chair. He clears his throat. "I think it is better if you ask your questions first."

I have a lot of questions but where do I begin? "How long will Cassidy have to stay here and what is wrong with her?"

"As I explained briefly to you on the phone, Cassidy is a very complex person. I have reason to believe that as a child she has learned to cope with her illness, keeping it in check. She has incredible willpower I must say. I cannot say she is a typical schizophrenia sufferer, there are also a lot of other factors that we must take into account."

My heart does a somersault. "Schizophrenia?"

He smiles a kindly smile. "I understand your horror. Many people misunderstand schizophrenia. It has nothing to do with having a split personality or doing what the voices in your head tell you to do. It often interferes with a person's ability to think clearly, to distinguish reality from fantasy."

"I don't really understand. Cassidy is one of the most logical people I know." There must be some mistake. How could I have missed something like this?

The doctor nods his head. "I wish I have all the answers Mr. Flemming, it would make everything much simpler. All I can say is that Cassidy has suppressed so many memories of her past. Mainly it is because of her inability to deal with her father's illness and her fear of abandonment, real or imagined that all played a part in her coming apart if I can call it that."

"Fear of abandonment? But, but I have never...."

He put up his hand to stop me. "Don't take it so personally. What complicates her disorder in this case is I suspect some form of Borderline Personality Disorder but we still have a long way to go Mr. Flemming. Our main concern is this imaginary friend of hers that she blames entirely for her father's illness. This means that she is not dealing with the reality that he had a mental disease."

I cover my eyes with my hands, my head is spinning. This all seems so unreal to me.

"I know this is a lot to take in at once Mr. Flemming. But all is not lost. With medication and the support and love of her family and intensive therapy Cassidy could live a full and normal life. But there is still a long road ahead. She still has a lot of anger to deal with, mostly because of what happened in her past with her parents – all that anger she kept bottled up inside has erupted. It could have been because she thought you were leaving her and that struck the match to the explosion."

"If that is the case do you think it is a good thing that I have come? Is it safe to visit her?" The doctor nods and shifts in his chair. "You will be fine. She is on medication that keeps her calm. You can almost say she is her old self again."

"So can we go see her? Or do you have anything more to say?"

We get up to leave and my heart is in my throat again. It feels as if I have been given the death sentence and am about to be electrocuted. It feels as if I am walking the green mile.

CHAPTER 10

I feel as light as a feather and everything is white around me, I am flying. The light around me gives me a feeling of freedom and safety. It feels as if I am falling but in slow motion, it's not a bit scary and I like the feeling. On the ground beneath me there is something, I can't quite see what it is. I begin falling faster as the thing beneath me tries to reel me in, it wants me. I am close enough to see that the thing beneath me is a big black hole. It's trying to suck me in and I can't do a thing about it. Help! I cry but no one can hear me and there is no one in sight. All the while beneath me the hole is growing. There is something inside of the hole but I can't see clearly. I hear a voice and I know what I am looking at.

"Cassandra?" She is calling me, she wants to ruin my life and leave me in this black hole forever.

"Go away Millie, I don't want to see you ever again." I scream.

There is the most awful laugh I have ever heard. She is singing in her awful falsetto voice: To be the joke and look, another line without a hook

I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay

"You can't chase me away so easily again, I won't let you." The face suddenly dissolves into the hole. I hear a different voice now. I know the voice but I can't place a face to it.

"Cassidy?" Can it be?

"Leave me alone, you are nothing of mine."

Again there is an awful laugh.

"Do you think you can get rid of me so easily? I'm your mother darling and I love you." The voice is slurring and I can hear that she is drunk again.

A hand reaches out to me from the black hole and I can't get away. It's grabbing me by my shoulders. It is shaking me.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that or I'll fix your face for you again." The hand is gripping me tighter.

"You're hurting me. STOP IT!" Someone else is calling my name and the face in the hole is busy dissolving but the hand still has my shoulders in his grip.

"Cassidy? Cassidy wake up your having a nightmare."

I wake up with sobs racking my body. Doctor Ronald and Richey is standing by my bedside. Richey has his hands on my shoulders.

"He presses me against his chest and rocks me.

"It's going to be okay, I'm here now and it was just a nightmare." He kisses my forehead. Doctor Ronald is not looking very comfortable.

"Maybe I should give you two a little time to chat on your own. I'll be right outside the door if anyone of you need me." The doctor goes out of the room but neither I nor Richey has heard what he had just said.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Forgive me please." I cry.

He puts his hand to my lips. "You are already forgiven. I love you and I know that you won't deliberately hurt me." He holds me at arm's length. "I know that you are sick and I promise you I will provide you with the best medical care that I can. You will be home before you know it."

I can't believe he said that. I pull away from him.

"What do you mean I'm sick? I'm not sick! You're looking for an excuse to take my kids away from me. You bastard, you and your little tramp is the reason why I am here. You want to take my kids and run away with them." My blood is boiling.

Richey gets up of his knees and backup towards the door. I get up off the bed and I walk towards him.

"Dr Ronald, can you come in here for a second?" I can hear the panic in his voice and it gives me a kind of pleasure.

"Are you scared of me? Tell me Richey, are you scared of your own wife? What type of man are you to be scared of your own wife?" I taunt him. I like to see the fright in his face.

"I'm not scared of you, I don't want you to get hurt that is all." He stops pacing backwards to the door to show that he isn't scared.

Something snapped inside of me, I lunge at him putting my hands to his throat. He doesn't want to fight back, does not want to hurt me. But I want to hurt him!

"Oh so now you are going to let me strangle you because you are too scared to touch me. You are always scared, you are scared about everything. You are one lousy excuse for a man."

Doctor Ronald and the freaky dude explode into the room. Doctor Ronald tries to pry my hands off Richey's neck. He must have really been struggling for breath because suddenly Richey also tried to extricate my fingers from his neck.

Where is the freaky dude? I don't want to...

I feel the injection being plunged into my back.

***

"I thought you said that she will be fine and it will be safe to go and see her." I turn my gaze on the pale faced Doctor Ronald standing beside me. Heaven help me, I was glad to get out of that room. That raging woman in there... It couldn't have been Cassidy – could it?

"I'm so sorry I didn't know the nurses hadn't given her, her medicine yet. It's an honest mistake." The doctor was genuinely sorry. He sat down with a sigh and loosened his tie.

"Doctor I need for you to be as honest with me as you can. Will Cassidy ever be herself again?"

The doctor runs his fingers through his thinning grey hair before he shoots me an exhausted look. "The chances are as good as any that she will be herself again but I cannot make any promises. You must understand that these things take time."

"So that means you don't actually know." I turn my back on the doctor and start to walk. I have to get out if this place.

"Mr Flemming?" I turn back to look at him.

"Can we perhaps discuss some last business in my office?" I begin walking again. "Just give me a minute I'll meet you in your office." My eyes blur as I walk to my car. Why did this have to happen to us? We were so happy. The picture of my wife lying on the floor keeps popping up in my head. It was sickening to see those men pushing Cassidy away from me and plunging that injection into her back. I couldn't bear to look at the pain on her face. I know that Cassidy is not herself and I don't blame her for her behaviour, she can't help it, I understand that much. But it is just so unfair!

As all these images and thoughts run through my head I do something that since the time in hospital I do too much of: I cry, I cry for my children, I cry for myself and I cry Cassidy. I just sit there in my car and let it all out.

I eventually feel better so I pull myself together, blow my nose and wipe away as much of the tears as possible before going back inside. I ask the receptionist where the bathroom is and I wash my face with cold water, this makes me feel a whole lot better.

I find Doctor Ronald sitting at his desk viciously writing something in a notebook. He looks up as I knock before entering his office.

"Have a seat Mr Flemming." He finishes writing whatever he is busy with and unlocks one of his drawers and safely places the notebook inside and locks it again. He sees me looking at him.

"It's for my own safety. Some of our patients are allowed out of their rooms at certain times and I don't want them going through the papers."

I shrug. "So you wanted to discuss some last business with me?" I lean forward in my chair.

"Yes. It's something I want to suggest for you to do. I have a friend in Pretoria who is a very good psychiatrist; I think it will do you good just to book a couple of sessions for you. You have been through a great ordeal this last couple of weeks and sometimes a person just has to talk to someone. If you ever feel the need here is the number." He holds a business card out to me.

Reluctantly I take the stupid card. I don't need a shrink I'm not the one going crazy. "I will consider it but I can't promise that I will go and see him."

"It's just a suggestion; you don't have to feel obligated to go."

I stand up. "Well, if that is all I am going now."

The doctor follows my example and holds out his hand to me. I shake his hand.

"I know you feel disappointed but you should understand that we are doing what we can for Cassidy. She really is responding very well to her meds. Now that she is lucid we can achieve a lot more with some therapy."

"She did not seem lucid to me. I... I hardly recognised her." I almost choke on the words.

Dr Ronald smiled at me sympathetically. "Don't give up on her Mr Flemming. We still have a long road ahead of us. Have a little faith. She needs all of your support now, but I don't say that it is going to be easy. That is why I suggest you and your family should go and see my colleague. I wish you all the best. Call me anytime you want to come by or you want to talk, you have my number."

"Thank you."

He opens the office door for me.

I walk back to my car my heart aching for the woman I love living in this place so far away from me. The tears well in my eyes as I open the door to my car. I feel like a woman with PMS, I cried until I had no more left then I drove home to my family.

***

It's been six months since I last saw Richey in this room, I don't blame him for not coming anymore. The first and last time he was here I tried to strangle him. I couldn't help myself I knew that he wasn't cheating on me or anything but I felt such anger exploding through me when I saw him that I couldn't help myself but attack him. I remember how much I wanted to hurt him and it terrifies me.

He calls me sometimes and then I miss them all so very much. Jessica always wants to know when I am coming home and Anthony cries sometime when he hears my voice. I can't stand being away from them, I need them so much. Sometimes after a phone call from them I cry myself to sleep and some nights I have the most wonderful dreams of us being together again.

Doctor Ronald told me to make peace with Millie and then she will go away. He tried to explain to me why I keep seeing her and he believes that if I make peace with her that she will disappear and never come back again. Some days things are going great and some days I can't stand her and she won't go away. These last two weeks I haven't seen Millie once and the doctor promised me that I could go home if I didn't see her again for another week. The last month I was even allowed to walk around in the hospital and to watch some TV.

There is a knock at my door.

"Come in." I expect to see Julio with some kind of beverage or snack. (Julio is the freaky dude I was talking about before.) He is kind of a nice guy and we speak often. He isn't afraid of me anymore and he sometimes sneaks me snacks or cold drinks between meals. It isn't Julio at the door though.

"How are you today Cassidy?" Dr Ronald is all smiles today.

"I'm fine Doctor. Haven't seen Millie today and I feel like my old self again. Did I forget our session today?"

"That is excellent news." He beamed at me. "No we don't have a session today but I have very good news for you." His smile widens as he looks at me. I remember the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland and that made me smile back.

"Well, let me hear it. I could use some good news to brighten my day a little more."

"Seeing that you take your meds regularly and that Millie doesn't come back I think it is time for you to go home to your family."

I can't believe my ears, I actually did it! I can see my family again. I jump up from the bed and give the doctor a hug. Before I can stop myself tears of joy stream down my face.

"Thank you, thank you so much Doctor, this is the most wonderful news I have had in ages."

He laughs at that and I can see that he is really happy to let me go. "There are a few conditions I have for you but we will discuss that tomorrow in your last session with me."

"Thank you so much." I let go of the doctor but I can't seem to stop grinning.

"I'll make sure that Richard will come and pick you up. You better start packing; I'll leave you to it."

I haven't smiled in a long time and it feels good to have a reason to smile again. I can't wait to see Jessica and Anthony. It's going to be wonderful. It looks like everything is going to be alright after all. I am finally going to be okay.

***

The phone was ringing as I stepped in the door of our house. I was just in time to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Mr Flemming this is Doctor Ronald. I have some pretty exciting news for you."

"How is Cassidy doing? Is she all right?"

I can hear him chuckle on the other side of the line. "Relax Mr Flemming I was just calling to tell you that Cassidy can go home tomorrow. Can you can pick her up at around ten o'clock?"

This is awesome! I don't know what to say to the man, I am so excited.

"I'll be there."

I don't know if I can contain my excitement, I have to call my parents to let them know. I don't even give the doctor a chance to say good bye. I put the phone down and start dialling my parents' number. Aunt Ellen is ecstatic to hear the news she hasn't spoken to Cassidy the time she was in the hospital. Cassidy was too ashamed to talk to her aunt.

Later that night after I put the kids to bed I could not sleep. Time felt like it was dragging on, hour after hour. Finally I gave up and got up to clean the entire house. When the chore was done I lay down on the sofa in the TV room and sleep came swiftly.

The TV roars to life and I sit up, afraid that I have overslept. Jessica is sitting in front of the TV watching cartoons. I glance at the watch against the wall it is only gone past six now. Seeing that I am awake I quickly jump in the shower and fix the kids' breakfast. The morning routine: Shower, get the kids their Coco Pops and pack their bags to take them to my parents' house. It's a mission to get them up so early but since it is a two and a half hour drive to Potchefstroom I have to leave early. It is now seven o'clock and the three of us are ready to hit the road.

***

Julio came to take me to Doctor Ronald's office. I have only been in here once when I was nine and we came to visit my father here. The office looks cosy and neat.

"Good morning Cassidy. How are you feeling today?"

I can't help but smile. "I'm great. I can't wait to get home to my family."

Julio pulls out the chair opposite Dr Ronald before leaving. "I just want to run through a few details with you before you leave." The doctor shifts his weight in the chair. "You must be sure to take your medicine daily. It's very important and even on good days you still have to take it."

I nod my head in understanding. I will not let anything hamper my family's safety ever again.

"If you have any problems or you just want to talk to me you are welcome to contact me. Here is my card." He hands me the card with his personal cell phone number scrawled onto the back of the card. "The cell phone number is for when you need me after hours or if I am not in my office. Call any time."

"The last but not least is that you will have to come in and see me once a month. It's just so that I can see if everything is going alright and if your meds are still agreeing with you."

"I will. Thank you so much for everything." I am so excited to be going home. I feel so much gratitude towards this man that I cannot express it in words. He has done so much for us in the last few months. Not only has he helped me through therapy to deal with all my anger and issues, but he persuaded the court to have all charges against me dropped. At least that is now one less thing for me to worry about. My main concern is my relationship with Richey my family. I don't expect it to be the same, in fact, I know we have a lot of work ahead of us.

Doctor Ronald clears his throat. "One last thing. If you ever feel if you can't control your anger just take a deep breath and walk away if you are able to do so."

"I won't disappoint you Doctor." The phone rings next to me.

"Doctor Ronald speaking." He listens a minute. "Can you please escort Mr Flemming to my office?" He puts the phone down. "Well, I hope you are ready. Richard is on his way."

I take a deep breath. This is it then.

"How do you feel? Are you up to this?" I give him my best smile.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'm a bit nervous but that's normal, I think."

The doctor smiles back at me.

"Yes, you are right. Experiencing nervousness is normal. I have confidence in you, you can do this." There is a knock at the door.

"Come in."

I hold my breath. Will he be glad to see me? Will he ever be able to trust me again?

Richard steps into the room with a bunch of red roses in one hand. He catches my eyes and gives me his most charming smile that I love so much. The doctor stands up and goes to greet Richey.

"Mr Flemming, nice to see you again." They shake hands.

The doctor turns to me: "Well, this is it." He gives me a hug. "The best of luck to the both of you. Call me if you need anything at all."

We say our goodbyes and then Richey takes my hand and leads me out of the doctor's office and to our new life.

We walk in silence on our way to the car. The only sound is the clicking of my heels on the floor. He opens the door for me at the car but before I can get in he takes me in his arms.

"I've missed you, Honey, you can't imagine how much. I'm so glad you are coming home. I love you and don't doubt that I will ever stop loving you." We kiss fervently. I hang on to him like a drowning woman, sobbing my heart out.

On our way home we could not stop talking and everything felt wonderful again, as if nothing has ever disrupted our lives.

***

We just pulled up the driveway and the sight of my house made me smile again. Richard's parents' car is parked in the driveway so I will get to see my children now. My hands are all sweaty and I just as nervous as that first day that Richard took me to meet his parents. I feel ashamed to face them after what had happened. What if they don't love me anymore? I also feel mortified about not talking to Aunt Ellen but I was so embarrassed, I didn't want her to be ashamed of me and I didn't want her to think that I am as crazy as my father was.

Richey is looking at me and admiring me as he always has. Nothing has changed his love for me. I give him another kiss before getting out of the car. I need his love now more than ever. My legs are shaking in anticipation. Richey gets my bag from the car and we walk hand in hand up to our house. I see that Richey has kept the garden neat and tidy and my heart tightens as I think what they must have gone through without me.

As we walk into the living room a couple of familiar faces jumps out from behind the chairs and I hear an overbearing: "SURPRISE!" Echoing through the air, it almost gave me a heart attack. Everyone is coming closer to greet me and hugs and kisses are being exchanged throughout the room.

"Mommy! Mommy!" I hear Jessica's voice coming from somewhere in the gathering crowd around me. I see my two children standing hand in hand at the back of the crowd and seeing them brought tears to my eyes. I make my way through the crowd and kneel before my two children. I grab one in each arm and squeeze them as tight as I can without hurting them.

"My babies! I have missed you so much." I can't see what is going on as the tears blur my vision. I'm so glad to be home. I don't want to let them go but there are other people who want to greet me as well.

Veronica is the first person to welcome me back home. When I saw her the tears came right back.

"I'm so sorry Mom. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

She just clutches me to her tightly. "I know and it doesn't matter anymore. Everything is back as it should be and you can put this ordeal behind you now."

Raymond is right behind his wife and he speaks to me also. "It's good to have you back. We have missed you very much."

We do the round of kissing and hugging all of our friends and everyone seems to be ecstatic to see me healthy again.

Aunt Ellen is coming towards me. Then we are in each other's arms, crying and laughing and hugging each other without saying one word.

"I'm so glad you are okay." She eventually breathed. "Do you know how worried I have been? Why didn't you want to speak to me? I have called almost each day and every time they inform me that you don't want to speak to me. I thought you didn't want me in your life anymore. Do you know how that made me feel?"

I take her by the arm and lead her outside on the porch; it was getting too noisy inside the house.

"I'm so sorry. I was so embarrassed and I didn't want to make you ashamed of me. I didn't want you to think I am like my father."

Aunt Ellen vehemently shakes her head. "I will never be ashamed of you. You have made me very proud from the first time you came to live with me and I am proud of you now. Look at how you fought this illness you overcame it in a record time. Your dad never even tried to recover, he died in that hospital." She takes my hands in hers. "No matter what happens, promise me that you will let me in and let me help you."

"I promise I'll never keep you in the dark again." We hug each other tightly and I know that everything will fall into place now that I have my old life back again. Nothing is going to make me give up.

Jessica sees me and comes running through the door.

"Mommy, Mommy, come see what I made at school." She takes my hand and drags me to her room. I look back at my aunt standing on the porch and she is smiling at me.

I take the picture that my little girl drew and I am so proud of her. "This is pretty Sweetheart! Who is this in the picture?"

She had drawn a picture of two little stick figures, girls by the looks of the hair, playing with dolls.

Jessica smiles up at me: "This is me and this is my best friend in the whole wide world." Indicating the other stick figure with the ponytails.

"Oh? I am so happy that you have made a friend at school." I kiss her on top of her head. "I would love to meet her and maybe one day she can come visit you for a sleepover, wouldn't that be fun?"

Jessica starts laughing hilariously. "Oh Mommy you are so funny!"

"Why do you say that Jess?" I ask my hands suddenly felt cold.

"Why, don't pretend you can't see her, silly Mommy!" She exclaimed, amused. "Look, she is standing right next to you. Say hello to Millie."

.

THE END

Thank you for taking the time to ready my book. Please let me know what you think about it by leaving a review at your favourite retailer.

Thank you, Mariska.

