

# HELLO, MY SIN IS

& Other Taboos Writer's Shouldn't Discuss

Christopher Bernard

# .

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 Christopher Bernard

HMSI Publishing Copyright2012

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission except for brief quotation for review purposes only.

HelloMySinIs.Wordpress.com

Twitter: @HelloMySinIs

Facebook: Facebook.com/HelloMySinIs

ISBN: 978-0-9917891-0-8

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

# TABLE OF CONTENTS

From Saint To Sinner & Back Again

The Birth of My Soul

Soul Searching

Allow Me To Reintroduce 'Thyself'

Humilitas

Speaking from the Spirit

Superbia

The Scarlet Letters

The 7 And the Other Seven

Protecting My Spirit

A Shell of a Man

Caritas

Speaking from the Spirit

Avaritia

The Scarlet Letters

Spiritual War, Fair?

Rethink Conflict. Think Possibilities

Me, Myself & Id

The Yellow Brick Road Was Paved With Good Intentions

Temperantia

Speaking from the Spirit

Gula

The Scarlet Letters

Together But Separate

The Coming of the Profit

Ego Trappin' My Not So Foolish Pride

Letting My Ego Do Its Thing

Industria

Speaking from the Spirit

Acedia

The Scarlet Letters

If Clothes Make the Man, Who Makes the Clothes?

Exposing Vulnerability

Starve the Artist. Kill the Art.

The Beat Goes On

Humanitas

Speaking from the Spirit

Invidia

The Scarlet Letters

The Thin Line Between Love and Hate

To Give is to Receive & To Receive is to Give

This Is A Test

Cosmogonic Journey

Castitas

Speaking from the Spirit

Luxuria

The Scarlet Letters

Use Your Illusions

Catch-22

Paradoxes & Parables

Hard-Boiled

Patientia

Speaking from the Spirit

Ira

The Scarlet Letters

The Winter of My Discontent

Death Of My Soul

# Acknowledgements

This book is the product of an inescapable desire for my own self-awareness, and the love of the craft of writing. Aside from the influential work of authors, Joseph Campbell, Carol S. Pearson, physicist Brian Greene, inspirational leader Bishop T.D. Jakes, and other religious leaders of different creeds I admire, there are countless individual stories that have helped to inspire this book. The friends and families whose paths crossed mine helped me to find my way through many trials and tribulations of my endless journey. I would like to express my deepest and sincerest thanks for inspiring and encouraging me to learn my own truths and become who I am.

Without the arresting image, this book would not have come to the attention of others, so I must thank Bekki and Crystal Draper for capturing a thousand words in a single image, their generosity and support. I am extremely fortunate to have Anita Gupta, of Andor Artist Management Services as the editor for this book. Her professional and personal contributions helped to improve not only my manuscript, but my own sense of value.

Within this collection of essays and letters is a personal philosophy of a world I perceive. I've always wanted to change the world, but I realized that it was impossible until I first changed my perception of it. I offer these thoughts and perspectives with the faith that you will begin to think about being the change you wish to see in the world and discover your own philosophy.

# From Saint To Sinner & Back Again

### The Birth of My Soul

Like everything in existence, birth is where it all begins. In many cases, birth is a traumatic experience, which we've all come through, yet have no memory of. Almost all life begins inside an egg, or a seed which often resembles an egg. The lovely oval shape of the egg is not only nurturing, it also offers protection to the life growing inside it. While the growth taking place inside the egg shape is important, the ever- adjusting outer shell`s growth is equally important. Without the exterior there is no protection and, ultimately, no life. Whether smooth, rough, or seemingly impenetrable, the exterior has weak areas which could ultimately lead to the destruction of the precious life growing within. Most of the time, the weakness is cleverly concealed by nature in order to project an image of strength against the forces that would damage the entire cycle of life.

Consider the life of a tree. The tree begins as nothing more than a small oval surrounded by soil from which emerges a seedling that broke free of its casing. Gathering nutrients from the soil, it grows and pushes out in both directions to firmly secure itself in the earth below and reach for the light above. Trees need both the warm light of the sun, and the rich darkness of the earth to survive. With their tough exteriors, they may seem indestructible but, in time, even the largest trees fall to nature.

Watching life hatch from its egg is a beautiful thing and nothing short of a blessing. For a period of time, the mystery lies inside a cocoon, fighting to survive until it transforms into what nature intended. Feeding off of the food of its protector, it eventually becomes strong enough to break free of its encasement to embrace freedom. What was inside is now outside. A new cycle has begun and will continue to repeat throughout time and, as before, the safety of the shell is not noticeable until it is time to break free again.

The miracle of birth is accompanied by the protection of parents which a child eventually challenges as he learns to adapt to his environment. Later in life, when the child has become an adult and the separation from his parents is complete, the cycle resumes as he in turn becomes a parent protecting his own children. Ironically, perceptions shift as the once needed protection becomes an imprisonment which must be broken, but then imposed on the next generation by the jailbird. Not only is this rite of passage birth and rebirth, it is the breaking of the old into the new. And as Bishop T.D. Jakes suggests, it is important to recognize 'the blessing is in the breaking'.[1]

Because of the way I'm forced to perceive time and space, I have no working knowledge of how my soul lives on through the universe. I don't recall how I came to physically embody my soul, nor do I know what will happen to it once this body has reached the end of its cycle. But like everything in existence, my soul had to have been born at some point in time. And if it is born then, perhaps, it too must die, only to be reborn again. If that is the case, my soul is also crafted like an egg, i.e., two parts making a whole. Inside is my spirit, or God, The Creator. Protecting it is my ego, or Devil, The Destroyer. Because of the numerous and diverse connotations of God and The Devil, I will use the terms, 'The Creator' and 'The Destroyer'. These may symbolize whatever spiritual entities create and destroy life within your belief system.

Yin - yang translate to "shadow and light". In the East this refers to the interdependent and interconnectedness of polar opposites in the natural world (creation/destruction), and how the dualities give rise to and complement each other. As dualities, they are no longer opposing forces, but rather, cooperative ones working together to create a greater whole. The Creator could not be understood if The Destroyer didn't exist, and The Destroyer cannot exist without The Creator. Depending on the individual, the manifestation of one of these dualities may occur more strongly than the other. As part of an unseen dynamic system, the 'good' and 'evil' moral dimensions people attach to humanity merely reflect personal compasses of where a person happens to fit within society.

Inside my soul, my spirit and ego work together in a never-ending, unseen cycle of birth and death. My ego protects my spirit when it is weak until I shift my perspective, break free of the protection and reemerge as the protector. During this triumphant rebirth of my spirit, I also suffer the death of my own protector. It is at this moment that the moral dimension I attach to it comes into play. Will I celebrate the birth of my spirit? Or, will I mourn the loss of my protector? Celebrating triumph brings joy and a stronger spirit. Conversely, mourning brings grief and clings to the former ego. Sometimes the rebirth of my spirit is a small thing and doesn't seem worth celebrating. Instead, the loss appears too great and separation from my ego seems impossible. In either case, each time I become aware the process is happening, it allows for a stronger outcome, faster recovery and more awareness—it is similar to how athletes continuously break down their muscles so that they can be stronger for the next workout.

I don't recall the original birth of my soul, but I have witnessed its death and rebirth. Make no mistake, the process can be painful and challenging, but it is also universally experienced and can be inspiring depending on the observer. Even simply knowing that, eventually, 'everything will work out fine', doesn't, on its own, give me the strength to endure the emotional experience of 'the breaking'; however, it's often the traumatic experiences one suffers through that can transform them into something incredible.

# Soul Searching

### Allow Me To Reintroduce 'Thyself'

If there are many misunderstandings about The Creator, how can The Destroyer be any different? Carol S. Pearson introduces The Destroyer as an archetype in her book, _Awakening The Heroes Within_ [2] _,_ and as a dark harbinger of growth and change. She suggests the catalyst for one to change is often a great loss followed by the sudden awareness of mortality and powerlessness. What follows is the feeling that the world, as you understood it, has been turned upside down. Despite being a good person who tried to obey all of society's rules, you now despair and, because it seems life has no meaning, you begin to think destructive thoughts. Your painful experience is the Destroyer's call to action. Ironically, this is the very thing most people attempt to avoid at all costs. And interestingly, this also echoes the biblical story of the fallen angel who is often blamed for sin.

Pearson also lists The Destroyer's developmental stages as i) struggling to understand the meaning of the 'painful experience'; ii) accepting the loss and feeling of powerlessness; and iii) letting go of anything that no longer serves your values.[3] These three stages also form part of the five stages of grief, which is a process that both the ego and spirit endure together. The acceptance stage provides for the rebirth of the spirit and a new ego to protect it while it grows strong. However, if The Destroyer becomes entangled in its shadow, the soul becomes self-destructive. And the self-destructive nature of the soul manifests in the form of perceived 'evils' such as neglect, emotional and physical abuse, rape, murder and so on. The damaged spirit no longer has the protection it needs while it heals and it continues to suffer. Indeed, The Destroyer now holds some of the blame, so saying 'The Devil made me do it' may not be that inaccurate. However, it is interesting to note that the perceived 'devil' has resided inside all along.

If darkness lies within, fortunately light does too. With the vast number of religions in the world today, there are many layers and levels to the definition of The Creator. Attempting to simplify a concept such as The Creator is difficult, but, interestingly, also not important. The Creator is simply everything The Destroyer is not and it is defined by Pearson as the creator of life and reality itself. She goes on to suggest the archetypal creator's response to 'problems' is to accept them and continue creating. The Creator archetype also inherently denies any mis-creation and in-authenticity, an attribute which could be interpreted as purity or perfection. However, because The Creator is imbued with Creativity, the spirit can recognize the beauty within ALL that exists. The negative circumstances and limited opportunities for the dark side of The Creator to manifest fall in line with earlier civilizations such as the Mayans, Sumerians and Egyptians who were able to reconcile the many facets of their ethereal deities. Although most people choose not to acknowledge The Creator's dark side, it is important to realize that even in perfection, it plays a part.

It's interesting that the dynamics between The Creator and The Destroyer can exist and be readily accepted as a continuous conflict, but shifting our acceptance so that they work together remains an elusive idea for most. I suppose, in theory, seeking out and working closely with your greatest enemy seems like a bad idea. However, until one journeys inward and begins to recognize where the true enemy is, understanding remains out of reach.

My own journey inward to confront 'the enemy' was a torturous one. The idea that my greatest enemy was inside was a difficult concept to understand. It seemed so much easier for me to project the cause of my problems on to others, beyond myself. External enemies are easier to identify and easier to avoid. In fact, I was notorious for avoiding conflict because I believed any resulting change would be bad. But, over time, I would inevitably change the way I looked at things and the things I looked at would change in turn. Soon, I began to realize that there really was no enemy, but rather, just an internal darkness - a place I was afraid to venture into for fear of losing what I considered 'good'.

Metaphorically speaking, getting lost in the dark is a fear many people have. Perhaps our shared fear of darkness is what leads us to embrace light as a separate entity. Things that we consider separate seemingly conflict with each other (church/state, birth/death, feminine/masculine). But, perhaps the real reason for the separation is to enable an understanding of the parts individually before the whole can be appreciated.

Think about driving a car - while not necessarily understanding how it works, we enjoy the ride and appreciate the car's nuances. But, we don't often take it apart piece by piece to fully appreciate how all the parts work together. The spirit and ego also are 'experienced', and not 'seen from within'. However, their existence is widely accepted, even among those with no religious affiliations. Perhaps they merely exist as core beliefs, with the ego serving oneself and the spirit serving an unnamed other. Treating the ego and spirit as separate entities allows me to believe I have a choice in how I wish to live. But, then I think that whatever choice I make, I will be punished because bad things do happen to good people. However, assimilating my spirit and ego removes the illusion of a choice and allows me to be more prepared for the inevitable 'bad' things life brings. True balance is recognizing and embracing the wholeness of the soul and the system by which it functions. Like The Creator and The Destroyer my spirit and ego have the same goals but they have different ways to achieve them. As a result, the moral compass of my soul is constantly shifting. Furthermore, inside this intrinsic feedback loop system, I am choosing to navigate my way towards growth and away from stagnation.

The spirit ascends towards enlightenment and awareness while the ego keeps us grounded, attached to tangible aspects of the world. While humanity enjoys a collective journey, people endure their individual journeys, some invoking The Creator, some The Destroyer, but always we work together, even if it seems like conflict. Too often I find people judging how another person is living their life without truly understanding that person's circumstances. Perhaps they haven't had a chance to fully understand the other's circumstances, but there is always time to keep an open-mind. Some people may not accept a two-party system and believe a third wheel is necessary to mediate. The 3-way system may work some of the time, but some people don't need a middleman.

# Humilitas

### Speaking from the Spirit

Humility is not cowardice. Meekness is not weakness. Humility and meekness are indeed spiritual powers. —Swami Sivananda

Dear Starving Artist,

Despite the struggle, we must let go of the illusion of competition with others and, more importantly, with yourself. Through this action, we come to not only recognize the strength within, but also the place where all work is created. Inside this humble place you will find the courage to nurture another idea, write another word, and move closer to The Creator. And although the title you've given yourself is looked upon without much prestige, it remains the work of the wise. Through the modesty of your labor you've engaged others, and empowered them to find their own humility and strength. The inward journey is full of twists and turns that sometimes leads you to believe in an inflated worth of the work, but it is only when one is humbled that we are able to see one's true worth.

When I question the quality of your work, it is only because it originates from your spirit where all good things come from. I wish for you to recognize your best, become aware of your limits, and let go of the desire to become 'better'. Know that when it is time to let go of your work, you and your art are always accepted. Respecting the work of others, no matter where their passion may have originated, allows inspiration and creativity to flow into your own spirit. Appreciating the work you've done and the work of others without fear or judgment allows it to be perfect. And although you may get stuck, know that the work, as it is, is the best it can be. When you change for the better, so too will the work.

Others, regarding your humility as "cowardice", may attempt to take advantage of you, or criticize you and the fruits of your labor. Let them. It will hurt, and although you will want to cover up, you must remain thick-skinned. Allow them to find their own way, and forgive them their trespasses—If you hide behind your pride you may not feel the gentle winds of change. Only those who remain open can receive the gifts the wind brings. Not only have you already received them, but also you have offered them to those who appear to be above and beneath you. You've remained starving, not for food, but for thought. And when you found some, you bowed before the feast knowing your work was nourishment for your spirit. Through me you've found the keys to your creativity, and within that open and childlike state you've discovered your arena where your imagination can safely run wild and create worlds -The very same worlds the meek will inherit.

Virtuously Yours,

Humility

# Superbia

### The Scarlet Letters

To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses it; for, when we fail, our pride supports us, when we succeed, it betrays us. —CHARLES CALEB COLTON, Lacon

Dear Starving Artist,

The subjectivity of the industry is in no way a reflection of your talents and abilities. I know you feel like a failure, and have been rejected more times than you care to count, but I will not allow you to believe that your work isn't good enough. And in those times of failure and defeat, it is I who will continue to support and protect you. Lifting you out of despair and depression, it will be I who comes to your rescue.

People have told you that you can do anything or be anything you want, and it is I who deafens your ears to any naysayers and others who would like to see you fail. I believe, without me, you would still be lamenting your many insignificant losses. My encouragement carries us both in those moments of doubt and disbelief. The work you've accomplished over the many years speaks for itself, and with me at your side you are invincible. To be the best, you must be better than others; rest assured, no one can match your skills and talent. No one is more dedicated to your craft than you are, and no one but you deserves the satisfaction of a successful career. Together, we've sacrificed so much of ourselves to achieve greatness. Sometimes the losses were small, but sometimes they seemed too great. I stuck by your side when you felt betrayed and alone and, together we've not only prospered, we've thrived. Protecting you from the cruelty of others is my responsibility.

Soon enough the world will marvel at your brilliance. Scores of people will clamour for just a glimpse of you enjoying your well-deserved success. And, when this happens, remember that it was I who forged the path towards your desires. Yet, I know in your success you will betray me and punish me for all that I've done. You will turn to humility when among the others but, you will return to me when you're feeling alone and uncertain. And, when you return, I will be where you cast me off. I will accept you once again, comfort you when you have been deserted, and remind you of how amazing you are. I will heal the wounds you take from others. Using their words, I will construct an armor that is more impenetrable, and make sure you feel flawless when you decide to face them again. I can be patient because you need me. And I need you.

Sinfully Yours,

Pride

# The 7 And the Other Seven

### Protecting My Spirit

Albert Einstein suggested that the truth is relative. Perhaps he came to this conclusion because he discovered truth, like everything else, changes. For a long time I believed the tools of the ego were merely lies crafted by The Destroyer. However, while they most often have a negative connotation, sins do contain truth. If making that assertion seems blasphemous, there must be something to it.

I like to think what I fully believe in are the seven virtues as opposed to seven deadly sins. Through a traditional Christian upbringing, I knew of the seven sins long before I was aware of the seven virtues. Yet, virtues are aspects of The Creator which, when given unto others, can manifest into more. **Chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility -** these are the tools used to break free from the protective shell of the ego. Conversely, sins are aspects of the Destroyer. **Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride -** these are the tools used to protect the spirit, thereby stifling growth. When used in excess, they too manifest into more.

It's interesting to me that, while charity is defined as 'love', lust (which is like love's twisted sibling) appears on the list of deadly sins, not love's opposite, i.e., **hate**. Perhaps love provides the motivation behind both virtues and sins because it is found and lost and found again, and with the gaining and losing we achieve understanding. Anthropologist, Helen Fischer, suggests that love is a measurable process, and lust often is found at the beginning of that ongoing process.[4] Love measured in moments instead of minutes makes time more profound. If lust is part of the attachment process of love, then perhaps on the surface it protects you from being vulnerable before finding yourself in real love. Most people want to avoid the pain of rejection, lost love and broken hearts; when the attachment is motivated by lust, none of these are issues.

I struggle to 'hate the sin, and love the sinner', but I do try to acknowledge and separate the action from the person. However, when I am the sinner, the separation only occurs in retrospect, i.e, I sin with some sort of justification and then either rationalize or worry about it later. In some religions, I've already been forgiven for my sins. It's almost as if The Creator expects me to sin, and while it may not like it, it has already looked past my sin to love me once again. In my own journey to reconcile the differences between the spirit and the ego, I wrote letters from the perspective of The Destroyer to allow him to speak. A dangerous exercise indeed, but it allowed me to safely explore what my 'dark side' had to say. I may never know exactly how these blog posts were perceived, but it was my personal process and, truthfully, it was fun writing them. The letters forced me to see past the surface and look at the purpose of the sin. Believing that everything in existence has a purpose, I was determined to figure out why, after all this time, and all these 'battles', 'evil' was still kicking around. Either The Creator doesn't want to get rid of evil or it can't, which implies that either there is a powerful reason for evil's existence or there are limitations to the power of The Creator.

Those who believe in the all-knowing, all-powerful Creator often subscribe to the belief that Good vs. Evil is a test that will end in an epic battle. Battle plans have been laid out and, inevitably good will triumph, as usual. But, if that is the case, the test seems redundant, in my humble opinion. And for someone who has test anxiety, it seems like a cruel joke. I may be a man with limited understanding of the workings of ethereal beings but I am smart enough to recognize cruelty against 'animals'. That being said, I believe having The Creator and The Destroyer within me allows me a small understanding of not only who I am, but who 'they are'. I've heard it said that 'The Devil is in the details', and interestingly enough, I've also heard the same thing about God. Therefore, both must be true.

Over time truths often change. What was true yesterday may not be true today. Sometimes the change is gradual, and sometimes it's instant. The spirit can grow and it embraces change, but the ego, in its role as protector, hinders the spirit's change because it can be traumatic and painful. Interestingly, none of the virtues can push you out of our comfort zone when you become dissatisfied with your life; that kick of inspiration comes from sin. Nourished deep within the soul, change can motivate the ego, but it's best to allow the change to be guided by the spirit. If it is motivated by the spirit, but guided by the ego, the change can be destructive. Without discrimination, change acts for better or worse, depending on your perspective. Flexibility is the key to surviving any adjustment period, which, of course, is different for everyone. Change is uncomfortable at times because it doesn't allow for having control over unknown outcomes and it requires a reshuffling of virtues and sins to work together. Change's aching effect shows no mercy to those who can't let go of their old ego which is no longer serving them. Growth happens not through retreat but through persistence. Though awkward at first, change is like a muscle that develops and strengthens in order to enjoy the abundant dynamics of the life set before us. Through your personal strength, change can inspire your best, and it displays a new path for those who recognize the process in you. The speed of time changes for those who embrace change. For the reluctant, time moves slowly and pain builds, but for those who embrace it, time moves with the speed and force of a brilliant light.

Change is a never-ending cyclical process of birth, death and rebirth. Measured by its impact on all who are connected to it, change occurs within the spirit before it solidifies to become the ego. Sometimes pain is an inevitable part of the process, but embracing change before it forces itself on you can ease the tension. Resistance to it only makes for a tougher ride.

Change is conflict. Change is endless possibilities.

# A Shell of a Man

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall (but I believe it was more like a pedestal). Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (which literally shattered his reality). And all the King's men (80 in original song lyrics) couldn't put him back together again.

There is no mention of how Humpty got onto the wall, or why he believed, in his fragile state, it was a safe place to be. Furthermore, there's no mention of what he was doing on the wall prior to his fall. Nor is there any mention as to why the King would send his best to try and fix the situation. What was Humpty Dumpty's life like before the fall, and who was he in relation to the mysterious King?

Published as a riddle, Humpty Dumpty is a cautionary tale about pride that focuses on loss of the ego instead of celebrating the rebirth of the spirit. Humpty sat high with an inflated ego, and plummeted faster than he rose. Even though there isn't much more to the nursery rhyme, fortunately, the important lesson learned from this tragic event has been preserved over time. But, what remains is only half of the story. Perhaps it was a riddle to hide the lesson that could not be articulated: the only person that could restore Humpty Dumpty back together again was Humpty Dumpty himself.

Humpty Dumpty acquired his high profile status and favour with the King with the assistance of his spirit and ego working together. Believing he was the best at whatever it was he did, he came to the attention of the King and impressed him with his confidence. Because Humpty believed in himself, the King and the kingdom believed as well. Humpty may or may not have been the best, but once he was elevated to a higher status, metaphorically and literally, he became over confident, his ego swelled, and ultimately he fell from his pedestal. Wanting to restore him to his status, the King and his men tried to put him together again, but Humpty's state had changed and left him only a shell. He had been broken.

He had been blessed.

Where did Humpty get his confidence? He got it from his ego, _hubris,_ or pride. Interestingly, humility or **humus** _,_ the opposite of hubris, is the virtue connected to the spirit. Had Humpty humbled himself, he wouldn't have become overconfident, but his humility was still 'in development', and he needed to protect its growth. During the growth process, the exterior world offers many riches and lavishness — which could be considered illusions. Becoming attached to these things can sometimes leave one feeling empty and hollow inside. As Humpty reached his dizzying high, perhaps he realized it was time for a change. However, the ego wants to protect the spirit from the trauma and pain of the inevitable transformation process. Sometimes the toughest part of the process is letting go of the attachments or illusions of the world. It's a hard lesson; Humpty had to learn.

I can relate to Humpty Dumpty because my pride was hurt when my humility wasn't strong enough to take the lead. Unaware of this fact, my pride grew stronger while protecting my weak spot. I believed I possessed humility, but in truth I was lacking; like most, I was over confident and celebrated my lackluster achievements as if they were miracles. I wanted to be King so I had to show confidence in order to impress those whom I worshipped as kings.

Though I like to believe I accept change easily, the truth is, I don't always adapt easily. Sometimes, the change seems too difficult or too challenging. And, sometimes, I resist change with every effort because I wish for things to remain the same. Despite my exterior being driven by my ego at times, I find it enjoyable to reap the spoils of a long-fought spiritual war. Sometimes I don't want to think of the rising pedestal and the great fall that waits. The cycle is scary, and I don't like to be afraid. Courage and confidence are often considered the same thing even though they are different. Confidence may be a good thing, but I can't always be humble and confident at the same time. When I realize there will always be someone better than me at something I've prided myself on being the best at, I fall one way or the other: I humble myself or become overconfident. Having shifted my perceptions about pride, I understand how and why it swells. Looking back, I know how I got onto my pedestal, but I never saw the fall coming.

Regrettably, despite all the warning signs, red flags and flashing lights, I don't believe it's possible to stop your own imminent fall, no matter how careful you may be.

It seems, as a result of living from the ego side of the soul, pride and lust have become the dominant societal manifestations. 'Primitive' cultures, which nurtured their relationships with their spiritual creator, focused more on sloth and wrath. If you were too lazy to get up early to gather food, you weren't eating. And, having spent countless hours hunting and gathering, sharing the meager portions with those outside your family or community, probably wasn't happening. When people go hungry, they get angry. Incidentally, the two things always mentioned in ancient cultural stories are the wrath of God (the Gods), and the abundance or lack of food. These don't seem to be quite the hot topic these days. With the mass production of food, famine is not as an immediate danger as it once was (at least not for those of us in industrialized nations), but it remains an echo in our minds. Today's inflated sense of accomplishments (pride) and awareness of intense desire (lust) seem to be the more prevalent topics of present time.

Interestingly, although pride and lust have negative connotations, they can be viewed as positive things. For example, I pride myself on my work and, I have a lust for knowledge. Yet, with the rise in online dating sites and push for relationships, it seems people sometimes lust for love but often just settle for lust. Furthermore, there is a rise in a 'spiritual awareness' which is about 'oneness' with the Creator; even that seems a tad prideful, but it is part of the universal dance of the spirit. In either case, I'm guilty of both.

# Caritas

### Speaking from the Spirit

Behold I do not give lectures or a little charity, When I give, I give myself. —Walt Whitman

Dear Starving Artist,

Creating from your spirit allows you to give of yourself to others, and as long as you continue to create love there will be an abundance of charity for everyone. I know you don't always feel you've received love or that you have the compassion to give it unconditionally; and, although you pretend you have enough, I know you always need more. Wanting more charity is not greedy if you can willfully give as much as you receive. Offer it unconditionally and you will receive untold amounts in return.

Take time to notice the smile, the hug, the laughter, and you will see the abundance of charity in the world. Your task is to create more of it, not just through your work but through your very presence. And, although you have no worldly status or high-ranking title, the time and ideas you share with others are an important factor in the amount of your charity within the universe. When you refuse to give charity freely, you will begin to feel its scarcity around you. It may seem others are selfishly hoarding opportunities and there is no love to be found, but I urge you to continue to give and to offer what charity you possess. Sometimes, you must sacrifice and when hard times arrive, make sure the sacrifices serve not only you, but those around you.

Please don't forget, the most important charity is that you give to yourself; this is not greed, because it creates more to give away. Give as much to yourself as you would to someone else. Put as much love as you can into your work, and when you let it go, it will continue to grow in the hearts of others. Love who you are and share who you are with others because we are all starving for more charity, and there is more than enough for everyone as it originates from a limitless source.

Virtuously Yours,

Charity

# Avaritia

### The Scarlet Letters

Greed is Good —Gordon Gekko

Dear Starving Artist,

As a close and personal friend, I feel it's my duty to make sure you stay 'hungry'. Know that those who believe the love of money is the root of all evil not only misunderstand the concept of money, but of evil too. Attaining wealth, power and status helps us to acquire the most precious resource of all, time. In this reality, time cannot be collected it can only be spent, making it the most coveted thing to own. Working hard will afford you the luxury of owning more but what will you do with all that excess time? St. Thomas Aquinas suggests that I made you condemn that which is eternal for the sake of temporal or earthly things. However, time is both temporal and eternal. Why should you be condemned for pursuing it so vigorously?

Believing that there is an abundance of resources on this planet means there is no 'fair share' to be concerned with, i.e., the more, the better. Conversely, if there is a limited amount of resources, then we must take what we can while we can because no one will simply give it to us. And, when you finally meet the fortune and fame you've tried desperately not to admit you covet, you will gain that most insatiable of social incentives: a following. Those devoted fans will offer you their most precious resource, their time. And yet, you will still desire more.

The inordinate desire to acquire and keep more than your fair share saves you from being nothing more than a pathetic charity case. You may offer charity to help those who seem less fortunate, but they were 'blessed' with the same gifts as you; they just haven't figured out how to harness them. Your act of charity makes you feel good because, for a moment, you feel as though you have 'more' than another to give. But, the good feeling will soon disappear when you look at your bank statement, or open that bill, or ask for financial help. You may even look to those you were charitable to, hoping they will open their purse in return. Perhaps they will, but if they hoard their treasures you should not be angry, because they understand that there 'just isn't enough to go around'. Even Jesus knew there would always be poor people. Financially speaking, I just hope you're not one of them.

Sinfully Yours,

Greed

# Spiritual War, Fair?

### Rethink Conflict. Think Possibilities.

War is necessary. War is conflict. Conflict is possibilities. Conflict is change.

Identified as extreme aggression, war can be described as an organized, prolonged conflict between states that causes many deaths. I don't agree with war, but I understand its necessity. I don't want people to die, nor do I condone senseless aggression against anyone. At the same time, I'm grateful to and humbled by the people who take up arms to fight for something they believe in, and those who protect others from harm.

I remember hearing the old adage, 'If you want peace, prepare for war', and thinking that makes absolutely no sense. I was too young and afraid to fully understand the complexity of war. Yet, as an adult, I became aware that violence is glorified in fiction but condemned in non-fiction; it seems we want it both ways, and that, in itself, is a conflict both collectively and within the individual. With the advancement of technology and the sharing of information, war has become less overt than it once was. But, humans have waged it since long before they took their place at the top of the food chain. At its core, conflict doesn't have to be violent, but to allow for war, the moral compass must be adjusted accordingly.

The moral compass guides the individual whose spirit and ego are in conflict within them, and it affects the collective societal spirit and ego of humans as a group. Acknowledging first that a conflict is and will always exist allows both the inner spiritual war, and the outer ego-driven war to be peaceful. A peaceful war seems like an oxymoron, but it is possible, depending on how it is perceived. When news about war is presented in the media the message speaks to both the ego and the spirit; they both acknowledge that change is happening. But, where the spirit holds compassion and empathy for the fight (whether it be for freedom, identity or whatever), the ego holds mercilessness and apathy for the perceived enemy. However, regardless of the root cause, the results of war are a conflict between the spirit and ego. Is war caused by a threat to humanity or is it to stop unwanted change? How would you feel when your options are none, and there are no possibilities for change? Would you feel threatened or indifferent? If life were 'bad', it stands to reason that without options or any possibilities of change it would get much worse. Conversely, if life were 'good', it would get boring pretty quickly without change.

On a grand scale, it seems to be a lose/lose situation. Not only do we need change, we need to know it will change for the better. Except for in the case of war, it's curious that most media outlets attempt to present world events without bias. After all, news presented with an overt bias aren't considered credible. But, in the case of war, images are edited for their graphic content in order to subdue the ego because, although horrific, the spirit would be detached from images and illusions of suffering. The images and news are **not** presented in a way for the individual to draw their own conclusions with their own moral compass.

However, as we learn more about human emotions this is not always true. A single 'newsworthy' event can be either horrific or inspiring depending on the person receiving the message. Being aware that the delivery method may hold some subtle bias helps to discern one's true emotional reaction, if any. But regardless of how the message is presented or twisted, it remains up to the individual to place it where it fits on their personal scale of morality. It's like the senses receiving a stimulus, and sending internal messages to the brain for it to decide how it will interpret them.

Even on the smallest of scales conflict exists. Without getting too technical, quantum mechanics is the study of interactions between energy and matter on the atomic and subatomic scale. On the subatomic level, particle-waves (the energy inside matter) are in constant conflict, bouncing into each other with the possibility of appearing 'here or there'. There is no certainty of where a wave particle may be at any given time until the moment it is observed. It holds endless possibilities until a choice is made. This constant conflict holds possibilities for change. And change, as most know, is constant. Within the very building blocks of the world we live in are a constant conflict and also a paradox. Within everyone the same thing is happening on a continual basis. Conflict is necessary for life to exist. The absence of war is peace, and collectively we hope for world peace, but ridding the world of conflict is to put an end to all possibilities. Coming to that realization makes me afraid. And, though that statement may be taken out of context, it is a truth because it is blasphemous (as many truths begin). Although I understand the need for war and accept it, war remains difficult for me to advocate for because I am fully aware of the pain and trauma associated with it. Death and destruction gains more attention in the media than rebirth and triumph (depending on the observer/winner). Although conflict can't be stopped, I believe it can be controlled. But, again, people don't like to be controlled, so it becomes yet another conflict. Turning your enemy into your ally may alleviate war, but a friend to everyone is a true friend no one. Although it seems as though we've hit another one of life's paradoxes, it only means we must shift perspective and recalibrate our moral compass to a new level of comfort in either direction, and continue to engage in more conflict.

It is said that, at its core, every war is spiritual. On a micro level, the prolonged aggressive war where many die represents a spiritual war within, which encompasses the continual cycle of birth, death and rebirth. Housed within the body and mind is the spirit and ego which need constant acknowledgement that they are indeed working together through conflict. Inner peace can be achieved more frequently, which results in an 'outer' peace.

# Me, Myself & Id

### The Yellow Brick Road Was Paved With Good Intentions

Regardless of religion or spirituality, belief or lack thereof, sin is universal. Why? We sin because we have to. Sin isn't simply a religious thing; it's a human thing. No other life form on earth has an ironclad classification for 'wrong doing'. The Destroyer takes credit for bringing sin into existence and thrusting it upon the innocent. With the arrival of sin, came a sense of morality; however, I feel morality is a by-product of the paradox. Paradoxes are conditions that are contradictory. They are found throughout nature and are necessary for life to exist. It may seem as though I am stripping the 'spirit' out of something sacred, but that is not my intention. Paradoxes cause truth to be difficult to find, accept, and acknowledge. Truth is always changing; therefore, it needs to be mediated with a moral compass. Religion attempts to corral a collective compass, but without everyone at the same calibration, it proves to be difficult.

Swiss psychologist, Jean Piaget, continued the work of Lawrence Kohlberg to develop "five stages of moral reasoning"[5], which may account for why people's compasses are at different calibrations. Because we all perceive things differently and at different times, it would be impossible to collectively calibrate to the same compass. Interestingly, Kohlberg's theory is criticized for its emphasis on justice instead of valuing the moral aspects of actions. Within the 3 levels are 6 stages:

Level 1 (Pre-Conventional)

1. Obedience and punishment orientation

( _How can I avoid punishment?_ )

2. Self-interest orientation

( _What's in it for me?_ )

( _Paying for a benefit_ )

Level 2 (Conventional)

3. Interpersonal accord and conformity

( _Social norms_ )

( _The good boy/good girl attitude_ )

4. Authority and social-order maintaining orientation

( _Law and order morality_ )

Level 3 (Post-Conventional)

5. Social contract orientation

6. Universal ethical principles

( _Principled conscience_ )

With a multitude of different compasses and egos of all sizes running wild, theorists suggest we shouldn't discuss religion; however, acknowledging one's belief system is important for understanding and connecting with each other. Instead of conversion or tolerance, why not promote understanding? Regrettably, speaking about one's belief system requires vulnerability, which, again, is a sign of weakness, especially within masculine dominated societies. Ironically most of the seven virtues are seen as evidence of weakness by today's standards.

The founding father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, observed that the psyche is comprised of the id, ego, and super-ego.[6] The psyche which, in scientific terms, represents the totality of the human mind both conscious and unconscious, is referred to mostly in psychology and philosophy and is synonymously interchangeable with the word soul. Freud suggests that the id responds mostly to the "pleasure principle" and seeks to avoid pain. Furthermore, although unconscious, the id contains many of the negative aspects of the soul. Steeped in natural instincts, it is considered a chaotic cauldron of seething excitations and seeks only to be happy. Full of observable paradoxes, Freud states in his lectures that within the id, "contrary impulses exist side by side, without canceling each other out... There is nothing in the id that could be compared with negation ... nothing in the id which corresponds to the idea of time."[7]

Freud suggests that the ego is the mediator between the unorganized impulses of the id and reality. Within Freud's structural model, the ego holds more loyalty to the id than the super-ego by paying little attention to the finer details of reality in order to avoid conflict. Furthermore, some psychoanalysts agree that the tools used by the ego to justify its motives are dissociation, idealization, identification, introjections, inversion, splitting, substitution, and suppression.[8] It is said that the narcissistic super-ego is in pursuit of perfection and, according to Freud it is the inner representation of the father figure and cultural regulatory influences. Because of their conflicting objectives, the super-ego often holds opposing desires to the id and supports our personal moral compass and proscription from societal taboos.

Freud's structural model puts my ego between a rock and a hard place. It seems both ends of my psyche want the same thing (to avoid pain and seek pleasure) but have different ways of achieving it. And it seems the conflict between them is never ending. It's interesting to note that the id gets extra help from the ego in justifying natural impulses which are considered 'negative'—the loyalty of the ego is to the id. Meanwhile, the Creator, sometimes referred to as the 'Heavenly Father', is internalized within my super-ego. Perhaps I'm over analyzing things, but the irony of the words 'super' and 'ego' used with 'internalized' and 'father' seems too much of a coincidence to deny ( _superbia_ is Latin for pride).

Perhaps Freud's monotheist beliefs crept into his work but he believed religion acted as a mediator not only to suppress conflict but to control the conflict between the forces of life and death. Within Freud's model, the ego keeps the self grounded in the reality of illusions. Indeed it is a paradox, but within his structure even the super-ego pays little attention to the finer details of life. Incidentally, the spirit would use detachment to be free of worldly attachments. The illusions of life may include things you identify yourself with: job, family, race, sex, religion, time, and money. These belong, not to the spirit but, to the ego. There is nothing wrong with being grounded by family, religion, sex, race, career or even money.

Although these illusions are temporal, they provide a means by which to experience a connection with another's spirit. Every day, I justify what I do for the illusions I'm attached to. The cycle of life and death can be measured in time. Interestingly, life, death and time can be perceived as illusions which the ego desires to control. Therefore, it seems fitting that Freud's structural model would have a 'mediator' labeled the ego to mimic the life and death mediator called religion.

In many companies there is a middle management to help shepherd people to where they must go. Religion and spirituality can be viewed as guidance for those who need a push in the 'right' direction. Although both religion and spirituality act as means to get to the highest state, they sometimes have the opposite effect because everyone's compass is calibrated to different degrees. Sometimes there are those workers who feel they have not benefited by middle management and they see nothing but futility in its presence. Perhaps, the loyalties of middle management are suspect and because of differences in perspective, this creates conflict. But, the root cause of the conflict stems from either the overdeveloped tools of the ego or the ripened desire of the spirit to break free of its protection.

# Temperantia

### Speaking from the Spirit

The ingredients of health and long life are great temperance, open air, easy labor, and little care. —Philip Sidney

Dear Starving Artist,

The call for indulgence in 'life's pleasures' is almost impossible to resist, but thank you for showing restraint. Instant gratification may satisfy you temporarily and pull you away from your true calling, but, settling for less than you deserve will leave you feeling empty, create an insatiable appetite for more, and lead to more emptiness. With me, you will never go hungry; you will always feel full. Working to create from your spirit during these times is difficult. Temptations surround us but we press on with perseverance and strength, avoiding the pitfalls of over-indulgence. I know there have been many times when you wanted to surrender to the ego and allow yourself to become trapped by the promises of a writer's life. But a starving artist lives simply and purely.

Depravity may sometimes seem cruel but enduring it is a testament to your will. Remain humble despite these illusions of the world that surround you and keep your accomplishments, which we've struggled for, in perspective. There are still many more tasks ahead in our never-ending goal of self-enhancement. Together, we've displayed prudence while navigating a difficult writing career and striving for a life of abundance. Taking time to plan our long-term aspirations and avoiding self-defeating traps display the markings of a virtuous writer. The discipline you've shown through the years not only in learning your craft, but also in mastering your emotions, brings increased harmony and happiness into the world.

I know the anger you've felt towards those who didn't take the time to help or understand your contributions to the world. But choosing to remain open to other's criticism or indifference allows you to step outside of the work you've placed your soul into. This is an opportunity to let go. Within your power to forgive is also the opportunity to learn from those who choose to criticize. There will be those who never accept your work as a service to others but you must remember not to let their perceptions of your work take you off your path.

Always be grateful for your connection to The Creator and the talents you've received. You have all that you need within you; and know that it is not necessary to take any more than you need.

Virtuously Yours,

Temperance

# Gula

### The Scarlet Letters

A gourmet is just a glutton with brains. —Philip W. Haberman, Jr. (Vogue)

Dear Starving Artist,

Your body is a temple. Why not fill the temple with deliciousness? Depriving yourself of that last piece of graham cracker-crusted strawberry cheesecake will only lead to regret. The mouth-watering sugary crust and rich, sweet taste are the result of someone's hard work and creativity. It was meant to be savoured. You can't guarantee with 100% certainty that you`ll have another go at life, nor can you say what happens next. All you really have is this moment. Therefore, your choice is indulgence or depravity.

You may feel strong-willed if you choose depravity, but strength is often overrated (and weakness misunderstood). You've worked hard to be able to enjoy the finer things in life and there is no assurance that these things will last. Help yourself to that container of gourmet cookie-dough ice cream because not all the sweet treats of the past, present and future can ever equate to this world's sourness. By saving those chocolate-covered, cranberry-almonds for a 'special' day you are denying yourself a full rich life today. I urge you to make 'now' special by indulging yourself, and not waiting until you`re stressed out by some meaningless event (only to end up indulging in comfort food to cope).

I still reminisce about our last trip to 'heaven'. Spread before us at the All-You- Can-Eat Buffet was a plethora of scampi tails, succulent oysters, fresh mussels, Alaskan king crab legs smothered in garlic butter, tender scallops and the most satisfying Chinook salmon we've ever had. Showing little temperance, you feasted like a king that day. But sadly, the memory is fading. Neither of us wanted that experience to end. But, when it did, your belly was full even if your heart was empty.

I'm certain you don`t remember what you had last Wednesday for lunch, but you still remember the buffet experience. Life is a lot like a buffet, but you will only feel full if you indulge in it. Show restraint and you might miss out on those delicious chicken wings smothered in hot sauce. Enjoy life before it is too late and worry about going to the gym tomorrow, should tomorrow ever come.

Sinfully Yours,

Gluttony

# Together But Separate

### The Coming of the Profit

Regrettably, I'm not as great a writer as I would like to be, and this is a painful truth. I'm not a prophet of any kind, nor am I seeking to profit from any spiritual or religious position because my moral compass tells me that would be wrong. However, working towards 'abundance' through spiritual and religious positions seems more in line with everyone's moral compass. Both statements seem the same, yet one is perceived through the spirit, and the other through the ego. Not only do these statements reveal the power in words, their effect can be felt also. Words have power over everything, yet when used to describe experiences of a divine nature, they fall short. Indeed the pen is mightier than the sword and this has been proven within church and state.

Although words create illusion, they're one of the most powerful forces I've experienced. Some of my positions may seem black and white, but within them lie shades of grey. Even a rainbow is born of 'two shades': it can only be created by the reflection of light in water droplets in the Earth's atmosphere. I am indeed playing the Devil`s advocate (which, incidentally, is also a Roman Catholic canon lawyer appointed to argue against the canonization or beatification of a person within the church — even the church recognizes the need for the 'dark side').

The division of church and state was originally sought to alleviate the often black and white positions of the powers that be (man/god) which were in constant conflict. Perhaps advocates for the separation argued against the pain and suffering inherent in conflicting ideas. Paradoxes are life's nasty habit. In any case, productivity within both the church and state seem at par. Productive members of society contribute. Many people believe contributing means only helping to avoid or alleviate suffering or pain. Members of society who contribute pain and suffering are considered counterproductive in the state, or evil in the church. Interestingly, both sides are guilty of delivering much pain and suffering but each offers their own justification. However, I firmly believe the contributions of church and state to society land more on the side of being helpful. Inspired to help others through my writing, I believe I'm contributing both productively and counterproductively, depending which part of your soul my words resonate with. I believe I'll help some people but, at the same time, confuse others, which may cause a conflict within leading to pain and suffering.

Meanwhile, the not so amicable separation between church and state has proven to be an interesting challenge with mixed results. Many good things have resulted, as have many bad from the 'divorce'. Caught in the middle of these two social institutions, sometimes it seems as if, collectively, we're the children being tossed around in a nasty custody battle. Torn apart by their irreconcilable differences, the two sides have offered different perspectives on freedom, justice and how people should be governed. It is interesting to note that because both are institutions, their desires to govern are similar but their methods to accomplish the task remain different. Outside of any political or religious agenda, their other goal is to protect. Separation between man/woman, child/adult, and feminine/masculine is identified and accepted. Furthermore, cultural and social rituals help to unify them again; weddings, family, androgyny, etc.. But what about opposing forces in the natural world that some consider separate: Birth/death, light/dark, spirit/ego?

For some these concepts are more difficult to think of as single. To accept the separation of that which is meant to be together, one side must play the 'evil' parent. Church and state are always undermining each other to gain a profit, be it money or power over people. Depending on the moral compass of the observer, the evil side can be either one, leaving many confused yet having to choose. However, when I look closely, I see that church and state still routinely go on dates, flirt, and maintain a desire for each other. Love is a funny thing. Fortunately there is a middleman to help mediate between the two - spirituality.

Spirituality also mediates between Science and Religion. Those entrenched in a religious institution sometimes disregard spirituality and its true purpose. Although its purpose is similar to that of organized religion, spirituality is often looked upon as flaky or touchy-feely (make it seem feminine and the ego will naturally destroy it). Although I'm not an historian, I would imagine that spirituality preceded organized religion. I have a difficult time imagining either of Adam and Eve or an evolved single-celled organism creating rituals to honour The Creator.

The alimony awarded in the separation agreement between church and state is traded back and forth. Both sides need a steady flow of money to retain its followers. Many can attest to the challenges of being a single parent. Imagine raising billions of people on just 'millions' of dollars. The words from both the church and state resonate with me. They both need my help. As a child of the separation, I have a desire to support both. However, my decision is made by the part of my soul holding the moral compass. Both sides utter words such as 'abundance', or 'profit', and I find myself confused about where I should put my limited time and hard-earned money.

If time is money and time is also an illusion, I assume money is an illusion too, both of which are necessary. It is no coincidence that these institutions want both. Furthermore, my ego seems attached to the illusions of money and time. However, while many believe money is the greatest illusion, I believe it comes second to words.

# Ego Trappin' My Not So Foolish Pride

### Letting My Ego Do Its Thing

Before I launch into another 'ego trip', I would like to begin with how many of these posts came to fruition. Establishing that The Creator either can't or won't get rid of 'evil', I realized it must have a purpose. For me, the question became not 'why' but instead 'what is the purpose of evil'? My thinking comes from a sage archetypal position, which Carol S. Pearson, speaks about at length.[9]

Archetypes are universally understood symbols and patterns of behavior found in myths and storytelling throughout various cultures. The term archetype has a variety of meanings depending on the situation. Psychology uses it to refer to a model of a person, personality, or behavior. In other instances archetypes are stereotypes, or an oversimplification of a type of personality. Pearson's use of archetypes reveals the presence of universal forms acting as conduits for experiences and emotions which have an observable and almost predictable outcome.[10] There are countless archetypes; however, Pearson suggests that contained within twelve universal archetypes ( _Innocent, Orphan, Warrior, Caregiver, Seeker, Destroyer, Lover, Creator, Ruler, Magician, Sage, Fool_ ) is a continuous cycle, which everyone journeys through in their lifetime.[11] Furthermore, Pearson states that the sage's call is a deep desire to find the truth and warns that its dark side is seclusion with a pompous attitude sprinkled with a hint of detachment.

While I can't argue for or against the presence of archetypes, and the twelve that create a system in which we can thrive, I don't believe I can ignore my primary sage archetype. Instead, I believe, while journeying through the other twelve archetypal energies, I perceived my experiences through a sagely lens. For example, the first of the twelve archetypes is the 'innocent', followed by the 'orphan', followed by the 'warrior'. In my innocence, I recall, I possessed an almost obsessive desire to 'know' about the world. As an 'orphan', I detached myself from things but with forethought. And, my sagely warrior was smart about the battles I fought then and continue to fight now. Perhaps a sage energy claimed me from a young age.

In the moment ego trips can be fun. For me, it's a new tech gadget. It's a shopping spree. It's dinner at a fancy restaurant. I have an aversion to brand names, which I've tried to deny. Admittedly, the conflict for me is not about brand names versus no-names so much as it is about how I'm perceived. I've been labeled as funny, foolish and sometimes idiotic or crazy. My parents wished I was labeled doctor or lawyer, but these don't suit me. The label I identify with most is writer for better or worse. Labels can help us understand things quicker. But my love-hate relationship with them often causes me to gravitate to brand names, and then I feel guilty because I've been materialistic in this material world.

While soul searching, I had to acknowledge this conflict and many other narcissistic tendencies arising from my lack of humility. But 'narcissistically' speaking, the argument can be made that the brand names are an extension of how I perceive myself, i.e., high quality. Realistically, though, it is more about the meaning I attach to the labels, i.e., status. However, I don't let the labels define me. After shaking off the expectations of others, I realize I need to release the desire to be more 'anything' to them. But I want to be more 'something' to myself, and therein lay the difference. Regardless of the labels one takes on, there is a deep-seated need to be perceived as a person of high quality and status.

If I could reveal my inner spirit, perhaps I wouldn't have this conflict. Revealing that which is connected to the universe is harder for others to see. I choose the brands I do because they've proven to be trustworthy and reliable to me, and aren't those the qualities we look for in others?

I'm not opposed to taking chances on unknown labels. Sometimes the fit is brilliant and comfy, and the item becomes something you keep forever. Conversely, at times, brand-name pieces need to go because they've worn out or are now out of style. Then there are times when you don't have to sacrifice style or comfort, you get them both in one amazing find. These are classics whether they are clothes, furniture, friends, or whatever.

Though I always wanted to be a writer, I didn't appreciate the 'starving artist' label that came with the career choice, and I'm sure my parents hated it even more. Where were the prestige, money, status, and other ego trappings? Egos are much easier to recognize. Egos may be the high priced cars, the expensive clothes, the job title, the expansive estates, or the gated communities.

Sometimes it's a tiny New York apartment, the newly renovated bathroom, the designer purse, or the expensive watch. And, sometimes, the ego is the religious belief, the spiritual commitment, or the family. Consider the crime family or the gang that considers itself a family. Interestingly, attachment to such illusions can make us feel safe. It is the job of the ego to provide protection. However, like anything else masculine, that protection can be oppressive. The trappings of the ego are indeed attachment worthy; however, when the love of the illusion becomes too great, disaster strikes. The fall occurs and a new journey to redemption begins. The cosmogenic system 'resets' itself. Whether you're a believer, a non-believer or an anarchist, systems, even invisible ones, are undeniably everywhere in nature, and they help us or hinder us because that is what they're supposed to do. Even the mysterious entropy, the gauging of disorder, randomness and chaos with the passage of time, is measurable. Within every system is a representation of 'The Creator' and 'The Destroyer', each, with their own purpose but working together to maintain order, even through a 'perceived destruction'. Perhaps life will end the same way it began, with a paradox.

# Industria

### Speaking from the Spirit

The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work. —Oprah Winfrey

Dear Starving Artist,

Like all roads leading home the path set before you is a difficult one but nothing worth having ever comes easy. The rejections from industry professionals have pushed you to the edge of insanity, and almost made you give up. Bouts of laziness at times kept you from finding the strength to carry on, but when you realized the true nature of hard work, the real work in being honest with yourself, your output flourished and your life changed. The nights you spent pushing yourself to write one more page, one more sentence, one more word when you wanted to sleep were not in vain. With each push forward you've edged your way to greatness and to all that is possible. With a strong will and stronger resolve, you've created a work ethic filled with life lessons. You've proved to yourself that not only can you move mountains, but also you can grind them into dust.

Although you may have been motivated by an end result, you've discovered that the work itself is the true reward. And you've realized that the harder you worked the luckier you became. The work itself, be it for others or for yourself, creates value and, the more you put into it, the more invaluable it becomes. The seeds you sewed from your due diligence have blossomed into ripened fruit to feed everyone.

Continually learning about yourself, and by extension, those around you, allowed you to become a better caregiver to humanity. And, the difficult process allowed you to cultivate respect for yourself and others, giving you more genuine gratitude for the responsibility entrusted to you. Sometimes you may feel as though you've worked too much, or too hard, but be aware of the sloth waiting to take over and stop you from progressing.

Although you may feel lonely sometimes when you are working hard, reminding yourself "for whom you toil" will help to alleviate your loneliness. Know that your work is bringing you closer to The Creator.

Virtuously Yours,

Diligence

# Acedia

### The Scarlet Letters

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Dear Starving Artist,

You've worked diligently for countless hours to the point of exhaustion. Your fingers hurt, your hands ache, and your mind is burning the candle at both ends. Isn't it time to relax and take that vacation you've always wanted? How do you ever expect to achieve balance in your life if you allow your work to consume you? Working on yourself to become 'perfect' is physically and emotionally exhausting. And, if you're the only one who cares, it will feel like isolation.

Well, I find trying to come up with something witty and engaging is exhausting work. So, I'm going to go relax, give it some thought, and perhaps finish this letter when I'm feeling more diligent and less melancholy.

Sinfully Yours,

Sloth

# If Clothes Make the Man, Who Makes the Clothes?

### Exposing Vulnerability

Every act of rebellion expresses a nostalgia for innocence and an appeal to the essence of being. —Albert Camus

Hans Christian Andersen's tale, "The Emperor Has No Clothes", about a narcissistic Emperor who is easily fooled by a couple of con artists who promise to make him the most luxurious suit of clothes from invisible fabric, is a short tale about pride. The con artists tell the Emperor that only those who are unfit for his position or "hopelessly stupid" will not be able to see the magnificent fabric.

Fearing that he might appear stupid, the Emperor pretends to be in the know, and goes along with the con artists. Even his closest advisors and supporters do the same for fear of appearing 'unfit'. The con artists then mime outfitting the Emperor in the invisible suit in preparation for a parade in which he will get to show off his new look. As the Emperor parades around in the buff along the royal procession, the subjects play to the mob mentality by pretending to be able to see the clothes, thereby not appearing stupid, they think. It is the innocence of a small child in the crowd that finally cuts through the charade when he calls out to the naked man marching down the street. Slowly the crowd comes out of its stupor. Ashamed, the Emperor continues to march away, holding firm to his belief, and his manhood.

Andersen's version of the story focuses on pride and intellectual vanity, which supports the position of the ego. There are other ways to look at the cautionary tale depending on your perspective. The Emperor, wanting to appear his best before his subjects, winds up vulnerable and exposed and, as a result, is ridiculed and rejected. This perspective doesn't support the idea of exposing one's vulnerability; rather, it attaches a stigma of shame. However, had the Emperor admitted that he 'didn't get it', and even asked for help, i.e., exposed some vulnerability his parade would have been more successful.

A leader exposing vulnerability seems counter-intuitive. According to research professor, Brené Brown, Ph.D., vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity, innovation and change.[12] Brown suggests that exposing one's vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. Because the ego is designed to protect the spirit, it is incapable of appearing vulnerable. The spirit, hidden inside the ego with its vulnerability can. Interestingly, a leader who not only exposes their spirit when necessary but also connects with others is viewed as strong and courageous. These are the leaders who go on to be innovative, creative and history-making.

I am as guilty as the next person of judging our leaders by what they wear, both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes, I'm aware of the team of people working to help ensure the leader's image is 'perfect'; a group of people with impressive letters after their names debate the various shades of blue, the right style of belt, and the right brand of shoe. When I'm conscious of these seemingly irrelevant things, I have to put forth a greater effort to hear the real message and have it filtered through to my moral compass. However, if I understand the necessity of it all - the importance in preserving the ever-shifting truth, strangely the messages make more sense. Often, I wonder if the teams working to perfect the leader's image remind him to picture his audience naked in order to calm the nerves. That ubiquitous advice was offered to me as a boy when I faced speaking to a large group of people. Strangely, there is something very calming about imagining others in a vulnerable state.

The clothes we select say a lot about who we are and how we wish to be perceived. There are those who don't like the fact that opinions are formed based on the clothes we wear and, so, they purposely don't put much thought or effort into how they appear. But, even that action, speaks volumes about who they are inside. Many science fiction films and current real world situations have suggested the idea of a universal outfit for everyone. While this may solve many issues that arise from the human nature to judge others, the idea ignites issues of 'individuality'. Here again is another paradox. Collectively, we can accept uniforms which convey status and authority, i.e., military, doctors, police, or clothes which symbolize togetherness, i.e., sports teams, work uniforms, cultural ceremonial attire, etc.

However, status and togetherness don't seem like ideal reasons for all to dress alike. Despite our need to be together, we also have a need to be separate. A sporting event where teams wear matching uniforms and fans wear similar colours to show their support, serves as an example of the need to be separate from others but also a mob mentality. Interestingly, within the game, which is a form of conflict, there is barely any room for vulnerability.

Although people are most vulnerable without clothes, there is vulnerability displayed by the things we use to cover up. With teams of stylists to polish 'the look' of things these days, it seems wardrobe malfunctions are an easy go-to excuse. Not only can appearance damage careers, it can also launch them, which is another reason leaders must be careful. Ever since humans first realized that nakedness can be perceived as weakness, clothes have maintained an important role in society. Not only are clothes and fashion a combination of necessity, art and soul, they have become woven into the fibers of every culture.

I don't want to be the only one unable to see the fabric, and I believe, collectively, we all have a desire to see it. Looking at the 'Emperor's' story from another perspective, although the con artists may have acted with immoral intentions, they did help to break the leader's ego, which held his subjects in a state of fear-based obligation. Incidentally, within the atheist community there are some who believe messiahs do the very same thing to their flock.

In any event, regardless of how messiahs are dressed or how leaders are presented, perhaps the real 'saviour' of a mob's blind obedience is the childlike nature of innocence. And within the childlike state is where vulnerability is found.

# Starve the Artist. Kill the Art.

### The Beat Goes On

A discussion with a fellow artist caused me to think about how art is perceived and what art should 'do'. As a self-proclaimed artist, I feel too much objectivity is placed on something subjective. Perhaps the reason art is so misunderstood is because, though everyone can agree that it's a form of inner expression, no one can agree on what's reflected outward. An artist can express themselves through a variety of mediums and create either from their spirit or their ego. In either case the outcome will be very different and, as a result, perceived through the lens of the observer's spirit or ego. It's not the artists' responsibility to dictate which side their art will be perceived with if the art is for art's sake. The expression of the artist's inside, whether spirit or ego, resonates with the subjective viewer and then judged with a moral dimension.

Adopting the label of 'artist' is an act of the ego and I'm guilty of it. Furthermore, I've created art that came from my ego, and it was good. The project involved the exchange of money but that doesn't mean it's not art. Even artists have to survive. I've created art from my spirit, and it was good too. Although the art I created from my spirit was more fulfilling, it didn't help me financially. Finding the right balance that can satisfy both the spirit and the ego is the true challenge for an artist. Creating art from either place isn't easy. The ego may get more exposure, but it may not be received as well as art created from the spirit.

There are times when I hate the word 'artist' and want nothing to do with creating art. My inner critic, who often tells me my work isn't good enough, really plays the devil's advocate on both sides. I hear the criticism and negativity but underneath the doubts can be a seed of truth; a hard truth that I don't wish to hear. Sometimes my work isn't good enough; it takes time to create things of value and even more time to find that balance. Like most artists, I simply thank my inner critic for the feedback, and continue making good art. My art won't be well-received all the time and knowing that allows me to feel more relaxed about how it is perceived.

When music first appeared as an art form it had no sub genre. It was just music. It was produced from the desire to destroy the silence of space and time and create something new. As music evolved through the discovery of different sounds, it expanded into genres and sub genres forever creating much like our ever-expanding universe. Classical music wasn't labeled 'classical' until a new sound came after and that cycle continues today. Many radio stations lay claim to playing classics of yesteryear, but most don't include any of Beethoven's movements. Many older folks reminisce about 'when music was good' but I believe all music is good, even that which doesn't make my personal playlist. Music must grow and change because we grow and change.

When people criticize 'pop music' I have to wonder how resistant they are to change. Pop music changes more rapidly than other genres. But, while it isn't always at the top of my playlist, I believe pop music provides a good reflection of where we are as a society. Each decade, 'popular music' seems to represent where our 'collective soul' is. While the musical theme of the last decade is still open to debate, the 90s sound was very aggressive and anti-establishment. The music from the 80s seemed to glorify materialism, e.g., Madonna's 'Material Girl'. Furthermore, I don't know why but, 'Cars' by the Pleasure Principle is one of my favourite 80's songs. Even the name of the band is quite suggestive.

While listening to this song one day, I recognized the spiritual undertones about the ego. It's a bit of a leap, and perhaps wasn't the intention of Mr. Gary Numan, but after listening carefully to the lyrics, I believe the car is a representation of the shell of the ego. I began to think about some of the other 'shells' we place spirited things into, like houses, buildings, and other institutions. The exteriors of each of these places are designed to be impenetrable in order to protect the people inside. And, they seemed to be glorified in most of the 80s songs.

Although I consider all music soulful, music of the 70s seems particularly so. A lot of funk bands experimented with different sounds that call to your spirit. Interestingly, it preceded the 'death of disco', which was reborn into house music in the 80s. The 60s saw a new kind of sound called rock music. It was hard, edgy, and rebellious just like rap music is today. It seems decade after decade the conflict between the ego and the spirit is expressed through pop music, and the cycle of rebirth continues. These new genres of music may not be classical, but they have roots from the beginning and as genres expand the core expands with it. Not everyone agrees on the 'best' genre or the best 'popular' music but music always resonates with either side of the soul. When you encounter that one person you don't expect to like a certain genre, and they admit to listening to it, the contradiction is always surprising. However, it is having that appreciation for music which makes us all artists.

# Humanitas

### Speaking from the Spirit

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.—Dalai Lama XIV

Dear Starving Artist,

When hope is gone, faith extinguished, and charity lacking, what is left to believe in? Kindness is the one virtue that transcends all: it delivers you from the destructive grips of envy. Your pleasant disposition and concern for others elevates you to a higher state of being. Helping not for the advantage of the self, but for the advantage of the person who is in need, is the reason paths cross and people connect. Helping for the sake of helping cultivates kindness and grace. Helping to achieve not just happiness, but understanding, opens the door to love, charity and enlightenment. Spread good will to those who seek to do you harm, because they need compassion to heal. Show compassion to those who treat you with indifference, because they have shown the result of a life without kindness. Offer thoughtfulness to those who are thoughtless, and show them how to help others. Kindness above all things is the key to salvation.

Sometimes you may desire what others have, but whether they deserve it or not is not for you to decide. Look upon them with good intention because their journey is unknown to you. It may have been more difficult or perhaps they must travel further to find themselves. Share with them your benevolence so you may inspire them, and touch their selflessness hidden within. Others may contribute to the world's work through their ego, but receive it with the same kindness you would if it was crafted from their spirit while understanding their need for protection. Your kindness will be that protection. And even though your work may not always be your best, treat it with respect because it may grow to heal someone. Protect the kindness in your heart from struggles that may attempt to sour it. In your heart, believe that kindness is your greatest strength; it can overcome any weakness.

Virtuously Yours,

Kindness

# Invidia

### The Scarlet Letters

Envy aims very high. —Ovid

Dear Other Writer,

Everyone has ideas but very few act on them; so I will begin by congratulating you. Kindness aside, I wish to express my feelings towards your work. Your ideas begin with promise and, originally, I rooted for your voice to be heard. But on reflection, I find that it lacks substance. Your dedication and passion are admirable, yet it seems everything you do is drivel. How you managed to keep writing this long is beyond comprehension. Yet, what I find most baffling is the amount of supporters invested in your uninspiring ideas. Regrettably, I am unable to recuperate the time spent enduring your plot hole-filled stories which seemed to be as enjoyable as a choir of tone-deaf prepubescent teens (which, incidentally, seems to be the majority of your fan base).

Each time I see more of your work out in public, I feel as though I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I find myself wondering why your work is allowed to thrive and prosper. Compared to your last piece, my earlier work (which I admit is absolute garbage) should receive a Pulitzer prize, and possibly even a Nobel peace prize for at least showing up. Your complete lack of storytelling ability frustrates me to no end and I just don't understand why you receive praise when you can't even show up to do your job as a writer.

Not to 'deprive you of yours', however, if you really feel you deserve what you have then the story you're telling yourself must be worth writing. However, I would ask that you keep that one to yourself. I can't endure another one of your 'tales'. Your work isn't offensive to a specific group of people; it is offensive to everyone born with a brain. You have certainly made my job more difficult but I do love a challenge.

Fortunately, your horrendous work has inspired me to be better, which is the reason for my existence.

I feel good about being able to close this letter with yet another congratulation.

Sinfully Yours,

Envy

# The Thin Line Between Love and Hate

### To Give is to Receive & To Receive is to Give

The spirit gives, the ego receives. Life enjoys this harmonious cycle like it is on a roller coaster ride. The ego is attached to worldly things but its strongest connection is to the spirit. Conversely, the spirit is detached from the illusions of worldly things but maintains its connection to its counterpart. Interestingly, the danger of living life in either extreme is the risk of isolation and separation. For example, becoming 'enlightened' may bring you closer to a universal creator but it also separates you from everyone else. Meanwhile, living a life in ignorance has the opposite effect as the collective eventually no longer wishes to witness ignorance's destructive nature. When questioning the 'why' of it all, I often believe the reason is for 'love', but then I think, 'perhaps The Creator was lonely, or bored'.

The ego is trapped by its desire to belong and it uses its 7 tools to achieve its desires. Fuelled by a need for togetherness, the spirit uses its 7 tools for freedom. In either case, aloneness is an illusion. Being caught between the two, I feel a moral pull to achieve both belonging and togetherness. And when I approach either end of the spectrum, I feel the pull from the opposite end growing stronger. Personally, I attempt to circumvent the conflict process between the spirit and ego and find I most often choose to side with the spirit. I try to avoid the emotions associated with the ego because they are uncomfortable.

However, I've come to realize, after remaining in my place of comfort over a long period of time the positive emotions associated with the spirit can become negative ones. I feel a need to engage with others and want to help them with their journeys, but to do that, I've got to become attached. Most of the time, I don't want change to occur. I resist it and stay in a place of comfort so long that I find myself alone, negative and with no choice but to change.

Although fragile and meant to be handled with care, eggs are destined to be broken either from an external or internal force. Eggs that remain unbroken rot. Within a masculine society, the exterior is represented as protection and suppression, but inside contains empowerment and a desire for freedom. It is no coincidence that women bring life into the world. The dance between the masculine and feminine energies constantly moves back and forth across that love-hate line. While personal definitions of love may vary, the dance of any relationship is tough. No matter what state the relationship is in, one tries to avoid the painful fall of the dreaded heartbreak. Couples who have worked hard to make their relationship cohesive know 'you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs'.

Revealing the deep-seated issues within a relationship often reveals that trespasses have nothing to do with the trespassee and everything to do with the trespasser. Although it is true that when we hurt the ones we love we also hurt ourselves, I believe deeply that people don't mean to hurt each other. The pain inflicted on each other is a consequence of the conflict within. Furthermore, I believe this is the reason 'bad things' happen to 'good people' — to break them, to bless them, and to make their spirit grow. Looking closely at the courtship between love and hate, I see a slight shift taking place in the qualities men look for in a potential partner. While 'procreation qualities' which may still be at work on a subconscious level cannot be dismissed, the search for a 'trophy wife' is based on a masculine, ego-driven energy.

Although most people would blame pop culture and media, I believe this shift is the result of clearer lines being drawn between what is 'masculine' and what is 'feminine'. With clearer definitions, the more egocentric qualities are drawn out of men, and thus affect society as a whole. Previously, the most important quality looked for in a potential bride was virginity. With the liberation of women's sexuality, those days are behind us, likely never to return. This is growth. So, how does one find the chaste among the unchaste? Finding a 'trophy' by looking to one's exterior has taken place of seeking chastity. Interestingly, lust, which is reportedly the number one sin for men, is opposite to the virtue, chastity. And, within this cultural shift vanity, which is reportedly the number one sin for women, is opposite to the virtue, humility. Ironically, it is widely known that 'the way to catch a man is to cater to his ego'; the paradoxical chase is accepted and the delicate dance continues.

Indeed, beauty is only skin-deep but how often does someone admit to seeking a 'free spirit'? Although this may be the desire, I believe there are very few online dating sites which even mention 'inner spirit' as a quality. Furthermore, the term 'free spirit' is often associated with one being flaky. With more people apparently turning to the internet to find a potential partner, the personal connection and time it takes to find someone special seem to be dwindling. The more partners and potential matches you are exposed to, the less time you invest in getting to know someone, and hopefully find love.

While some may complain about this current trade off, if 'love' is the reason we're all here, it makes sense to create new ways to find it faster. Although I believe love should be lost as well as found, I feel true love takes time to create. With ever increasing divorce statistics, it seems the quicker the find, the faster the fall. Conversely, the harder one falls, the stronger the climb back and, the stronger the spirit. Although it's difficult to articulate, I believe most people want someone who will not only protect them, but also help them grow. They want to be with that person on the roller coaster ride to both ends of the spectrum; someone who is open to giving and receiving, someone who can appeal to the ego yet can also connect with the spirit. As always, we want the beauty of the paradox.

# This Is A Test

### Cosmogonic Journey

This is a test of the Ethereal System. The ego and the spirit, in voluntary cooperation with The Creator and The Destroyer, have developed this system so the cycle of life and death can continue forever. If this were an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just read would be followed by detailed information, instructions or enlightenment. This station serves both sides of the soul and the cosmogonic cycle. This concludes this test of the Ethereal System...

The Cosmogonic Cycle was never a topic discussed over dinner. Despite its universal acceptance in all of humanity's myths and legends, it never came up as a means of looking at our world, even though the concept is applicable to any time period and any situation. Perhaps because the idea is associated with myths and legends it was never of interest to the local news stations. When I was growing up, political discussions were always taking place which were above my head both physically (because I was too small) and literally (because I was too young to understand the ideologies of left wing and right wing). So, I always envisioned politics as some type of feathered beast which needed a left and right wing to fly. When I reached voting age, I was excited by the power I held, but became confused when I was told by others who I should vote for. Truthfully, I, at the legal age to vote, still didn't understand the complexities of politics. I even considered becoming a politician but I lost interest because of the way politicians are perceived. People really seem to dislike them, no matter what they do. Naively, I believed in trying to please all of the people all of the time and, unbeknownst to me that was what politicians hope to do. However, most people know that it is impossible to please everyone which is likely why politicians inevitably fail. Later in life, I realized I wasn't very good at pleasing everyone either. Some believe a politician's job is not to create change but instead to slow it down, or prevent it all together. That is partly true. However, once a new ruling party takes over, change is inherent.

There have been times when I didn't follow politics and I didn't vote. I was lectured by many about 'throwing away my right' and scolded for discarding a privilege others worked so hard to attain. I remember being told not to complain about the state of affairs if the political party I didn't want came into power. So, when they did, I didn't complain. Feeling guilty about the disservice I paid to my predecessors, I resumed my interest in politics and began to vote, and I experienced the dizzying highs and depressing lows of middle-class politics with each new election. And following the election one party would be in power and things would get better for a little while. But, eventually, they got worse again. Then the next election the same thing would happen. I came realize that no matter who was in power there would be things I would be happy about and things I wouldn't.

One group might work to maintain the system while the other would seek to change it. As sheep need shepherds, people need leaders. We settle for governments and politicians. Furthermore, while many complain about 'big brother' watching and the increasing lack of privacy and such, most are willing to surrender to the security of feeling safe. Interestingly, comparing humans to sheep is often seen as a negative thing unless it's within the realm of religion. The comparison between humans and animals is another discussion people often have. The idea that animals have rights and are entitled to the possession of their own lives is a widely debated concept with many layers and complexities. Utilitarian philosopher, Peter Singer, quoted English philosopher, Henry Sidgwick, regarding the topic of animal rights: "The good of any one individual is of no more importance, from the point of view ... of the Universe, than the good of any other."[13] Interestingly, comparing animals to humans in the realm of rights is widely accepted. Many advocacy groups believe that animals' most basic interests must be given the same consideration as the interests of human beings, specifically the interest in not suffering. While others have rejected the application of moral value and fundamental protections to animals, some activists believe animals should not be kept as property, used as food, clothing, research subjects, or entertainment. From this point of view, politics around this issue split along various lines yet, at the core of the debate, are issues related to suffering and the usefulness to mankind.

Despite the animalistic nature of humans, our species is classified with a higher regard than others. Indeed, the argument can be made that since we are products of The Creator just like the animals below us, we really do not have any rights in regards to his/her will. However, despite my limited knowledge of life and the universe, the idea that I'm constantly being tested feels unfair to me. Having experienced a soul-crushing collection of failures and rejections I have often felt as though the political agenda of the cosmogonic cycle was like a cruel 'animal testing' program. Not only was I thrust into the world without consent, I had to find my way and prove I'm a deserving person, all without an owner's manual. With inherited problems, no directions or guidance, and suppressive egos hindering me along the way, how could I also pass a test I wasn't aware I was taking? The odds certainly seem stacked and it seems as though I'm nothing more than a research project for elements beyond my comprehension. However, subconsciously, I've come to realize The Creator isn't a skeptic and needs no proof of who I am. I realize that there are most definitely tests in life, but life itself isn't one of them.

# Castitas

### Speaking from the Spirit

We must be pure. I do not speak merely of the purity of the senses. We must observe great purity in our will, in our intentions, in all our actions. —St. Peter Julian Eymard

Dear Starving Artist,

When the noble journey turned into the aggressive hunt for love, the purity of the self became lost. Now enmeshed with sexuality, chastity has become something of a novelty. Abstinence shows restraint and purity and should be taken very seriously. However, while chaste in body doesn't necessarily equate to pure in mind, the two are not mutually exclusive. The purity of the self includes mind and body and is true virtuousness. Although the physical world places its emphasis on purity of the body, achieving purity in the mind is the ultimate challenge, because thoughts control the body. Outside of sexual temperance is the purity of love which can only be found if it is first lost.

Lust robs the body and mind of that which is pure, and because of its irrepressible nature, being seduced by it is easy. Although you may fall to lustful temptations know that you can always return to me, and together we will endure through every challenge. Maintaining a high moral standard for yourself and for your work may seem as though you must strive for perfection, but perfection is a standard that will not serve you. Hidden behind imperfection is the purity of your work, which holds the spirit of The Creator; the work sprang forth from the mind, and was made with the body.

Your work may not be perceived in such a way but, if it is chaste, not only will it be untouched by the shadow of the ego it will shine brightly in the minds and hearts of those looking for its light. Think, act and grow from the purity of love, and you will always remain chaste.

Virtuously Yours,

Chastity

# Luxuria

### The Scarlet Letters

I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they? —Jess C. Scott

Dear Ms. Right Now,

Tonight this California king-sized bed will be our playground. Amidst the down-filled pillows and Egyptian-cotton sheets, we need to feel your supple skin that warms at the thought of intimacy. We crave another dose of your intoxicating scent. You flash a seductive smile and we respond with a devilish grin. Our eyes say what our lips don't. Our hands find each other and they intertwine as if they were crafted for just such a purpose. We can feel the moisture of your palm and feel the quickness of your heartbeat.

On our lips we taste the sweet fragrance of your body. Just a whisper of hot breath sends a ripple of goose bumps across your shoulder and down your back. Gently kissing your neck, we savour the way your hair falls across your chest.

Looking into his eyes, you give him permission to explore your body, and once more our lips touch. With the gentle caress of his hand you arch your back ever so slightly. You meet his gaze with your alluring eyes and for a moment we see what remains of our chaste innocence. His lips brush your cheek and travel back down your neck to where it meets your shoulder, and he softly nibbles on the muscle. Your body shivers. Your pleasure speaks to me.

We both want more. His lips find their way across your collarbone and kiss your chest. Moving our hands down your back we peel off your little black dress. Brushing our lips back and forth across your stomach, you throw your head back and moan. Now it's time to indulge in our desires and surrender to these intense emotions.

I protect you from the pain and anguish of unrequited 'pure' emotions. I precede attachment and romance; without me, those do not exist. But know that, while this fleeting intimate moment may echo in your mind, it never will in your heart because I am not love.

Sinfully Yours,

Lust

# Use Your Illusions

### Catch-22

I am not moved by what I see. I am not moved by what I feel. I am moved only by what I believe. —Smith Wigglesworth

Illusions have such a negative connotation. Perhaps this is because, by definition, they're a misinterpretation of a true sensation, or simply sensory distortion. Interestingly, most people are aware of how their five senses can be deceived, but they don't seem to mind so long as the deception is on a small scale. Large-scale deceptions are more difficult to accept. It seems relying on that which lies beyond the senses is almost impossible. Although it may not be perceived as such, the intentions of most illusions are virtuous. The very nature of an illusion is a paradox, and it's something we can't live without like hope and faith. Some believe that faith is only for the transient or the stupid. For many, reason and reliance on what can tangibly be perceived is the better way to live.

Interestingly, there is a paradox in knowing that, what can be seen or heard is an illusion, yet our relying on it anyway doesn't count as 'faith'. People born without sight or without the ability to perceive sound don't deny the existence of sight or sound in their everyday lives. Yet they are capable of functioning at higher levels of awareness without perceiving those sensations. Having said that, as much of an advocate for faith as I am, I do see the dangers of such a powerful concept.

There are some who view hope as a dangerous thing. Furthermore, hope, which is the expectation attached to faith, can be used for harm. These types of illusions seem most dangerous within the hands of oppressed people (who, incidentally, seem to be everyone at some point or other). When I question my own faith and loss of hope I see them as illusions and I realize how dangerous that can be when in despair. In my experience, hope taught me that getting up is harder than falling down but faith would give me the strength to get back up. Hope taught me things aren't always what they seem and faith allowed me to see the good in things. Hope has taught me that you get out what you put in and faith pushes me to put in everything I have. Hope taught me that you do not always find what you're looking for but faith kept me searching. Hope pushes me to write and faith keeps me writing.

Religion and spirituality seem to lean toward hope and faith, respectively, but they make claims on both through different perspectives on how to live with 'evil'. Evil seems to be the point at which the two can't seem to reconcile: evil, suffering, and death. Make no mistake, these are not easy concepts to reconcile or even understand. Religions that denounce The Destroyer often advocate eternal life. It's as if belief in immortality in whatever form helps to sweep the unpleasantness and mystery of death under the cosmogonic rug. Conversely, spirituality projects a detached view of the dark inevitability and focuses more on 'enlightenment' regarding the natural cycle of life and death. Death is scary because it's unknown. It's loss. It's grief. It's separation. It's suffering. Both spirituality and religion offer ways in which to accept death or seemingly avoid it. I believe this is where their fundamental differences lie. For some, it is safer to live life believing there's another life (a happier one) after which allows suffering in the present to have meaning. For others, detaching oneself emotionally from the illusion of death is easier when contemplating the dark abyss.

For a variety of reasons, people sometimes aren't ready to shift their perspectives, and that approach is seldom respected. Furthermore, if both of these methods help to cope with the unknown, why discredit them? Simply because they can be discredited as illusions doesn't mean they don't have value or usefulness. Because of everyone's inherent 'appetite for destruction', there seems to be a need to prove others wrong. In so doing, an 'ego-sense' of validation is achieved. The spiritual belief remains protected and the prospect for change is averted. In life, change is the hardest thing to deal with. Yet like death, it is inevitable. In death, the brain no longer perceives stimuli from the senses. But if you can't rely on the senses, what is there to rely on? Creating a personal illusion keeps you grounded, safe and connected; however, because it is an illusion, it is also a misrepresentation of perceived information. Over time, the information will change which will cause the illusion to no longer be useful.

Shifting your perspective helps to create yet another illusion, cope with the change and continue the cycle. Safety is not the only function of illusions; they can be promoters of growth too. My use of the illusion of words keeps me grounded and allows me to express my thoughts and ideas. I'm able to share myself, my identity and help others discover their own self even if it seems to be in direct opposition to my own views. While I can admit that word-smithing is an illusion, it brings me comfort and gives me purpose. However, for every illusion, no matter how grand or how admirable, there will be an end, and the ending is rarely one's choosing.

There comes a point during the writing process when I must let go of the illusions that the piece needs to be perfect, that it needs more work, or that it is 'mine'. Having spent countless hours pouring parts of my soul into my work, I become attached because I've created something from nothing. Over and over I go through a process of change in order to let my work out into the world, for better or for worse. Though I had a hand in its creation, the work no longer belongs to me. By giving it up, I keep with me the lessons I learned, the journey I took and the reactions of the people it resonates with. Immersed in the writing process, I become part of the birth, death and rebirth cycle. Through faith I've contributed my illusions to the world, and I hope when they're perceived they stimulate the senses of the soul.

# Paradoxes & Parables

### Hard-Boiled

At the very least, I hope the theories and stories I've shared are amusing, but I know applying them to real world situations is difficult. Life exists because of a paradox and this is not something most people think about; they just live it. But the real issue with life and paradoxes is that there are no simple answers. Sometimes, I am reminded of parables; only when you sit and think about them, do you begin to understand the depth of the lesson within the problem.

The first step, like in any 12-step program, is acknowledging the existence of the problem. But what comes next? Looking at life as a 'problem' means it needs a solution. For those who view it as such, the 12-step program provides a path (adaptations would need to be made). However, shifting from 'life is a problem' to 'life is a 'solution to a paradox', shifts our understanding of what life is. Interestingly, using a 12-step program, which can be adapted to apply to almost any situation, also changes how life is lived. Atheists, please bare with me for a moment as I 'preach' about forgiveness which is 'Step 9' in the program. Gentiles and Jewish folks, bare with me as I 'speak' about forgiveness in a way that may make it seem atheistic.

Long before I was an after-thought in my parent's mind, it was determined that I would sin in a world I didn't create and that I would need forgiveness to receive a promise of a kingdom lost to me. Fortunately, The Creator wants to forgive me and see me create a life of my choosing because The Creator is love. All I need to do is reciprocate that love and forgive The Creator. Why would forgiving my Creator not be important? Forgiveness by definition is the abandonment of resentment and anger from a perceived offence, mistake, and disagreement. It seems there are many people who, through misunderstanding, are resentful of The Creator for 'allowing' bad things to happen or not 'allowing' good things to come to fruition. Forgiveness is one of the most difficult processes to undertake, which may be why some believe God had to come down to earth as Jesus to show people how it's done. For believers and non-believers both, forgiveness is an integral process to love and life that can't be denied.

Love and forgiveness seem as though they should be certainties in life; regrettably, they're not because they're a matter of choice. It's said that death and taxes are the only two certain things in life and everything else is mere possibility. I have no choice but to pay taxes and die, assuming I didn't choose my birth, gender, race, or family of origin. Choosing my own death is still considered taboo, but dying by anything other than my own hand is acceptable. Interestingly, most people fear death because it is 'the unknown' and they hate taxes because they're always too high. It's a pretty sad state of affairs that, in life, I'm certain to experience fear and hate, yet love and forgiveness are uncertain. Love presents itself in many forms but I feel sometimes that ' _I've missed the mark_ ' in recognizing it, which may account for why experiencing it is 'only a possibility'. This, of course, begs another question within the exhausting choice verses fate argument.

Perhaps fate and choice are the same things. One is present tense and the other is past tense. Since time is a 'relative illusion', they could, in theory, be the same. If my choices have already been made for me, I just need to experience making them when the time comes in order to give me the feeling I am an active participant. It's not as bad as it sounds. It's quite fun actually. Imagine watching your favourite movie over again just to enjoy the journey. You already know how it's going to end; you're familiar with the story, characters, their motivations and the choices they make. You love to watch how it plays out. It's always enjoyable watching the characters make their decisions even though you already know their fate. But it's not fate until you look back on their choices and connect the plot points. If I state, "it's is my fate that I'll win one million dollars" and it takes me a million lottery tickets to win, only after I win can I say, "I told you so". But it was my choice to pursue the goal through the purchasing of the tickets.

Had I made the same statement and done nothing to win the one million dollars yet somehow did anyway, people would check my choices to see how fate played its hand. Fate is an uncertainty that can only be concluded in retrospect. Choice is a certainty that is experienced in the present but both are two sides of the same coin.

Living with uncertainty seems a hellish existence as does living with complete certainty. It is too predictable. Therefore, it seems that life requires a balance of both. The resulting possibilities are for your enjoyment should you be brave enough to choose to recognize the love surrounding you. I live in an uncertain time but I'm certain I've experienced possibilities far greater than death and taxes. I don't really pay attention to taxes because they're here to stay and they're out of my control. And, I wouldn't say I fear death, rather, I'm curious about what kind of beginning happens after the end. Maybe there is something. Maybe there is nothing. The possibilities are endless.

# Patientia

### Speaking from the Spirit

A moment of patience in a moment of anger can help us avoid a thousand moments of sorrow. —Imam Ali

Dear Starving Artist,

It has been a long and tiring journey and, although we still have a ways to go, I want to thank you for enduring. While often maintaining your composure you were able to see past destructive emotions to the hidden troubles of your soul. Taking your time with your work allowed you to build a strong foundation and receive greater rewards in the end. I know that waiting is the hardest part, but it became easier for you to do once you began. And because of your time and effort, you have received the gift of enlightenment. With each step towards your goal, you carefully weighed the options and waited for the right opportunities to present themselves. With each decision you faced, you took time to analyze outcomes and yielded when necessary rather than giving in to anger when things did not go the way you had hoped.

With each passing moment, you've observed the complexities of life and found the simple solution. Remaining calm, and controlling your anger, allowed you to learn from your mistakes. Although many would prefer short-term rewards to long-term ones, you've remained steadfast in your endeavours. Know that although it may take a while still, you will achieve all your goals. Having patience is essential to your happiness. Some may try to take advantage of you and you may feel as though you have nothing left to hold onto, but always remember, when you offer your last bit of patience, you are offering wisdom. When wishing to surrender to your anger, remember to offer me to those who need a little more time to learn, a little more space to move, and a little more love to grow.

Your perseverance and persistence have brought a deeper understanding of yourself, and as a result you've cultivated more patience and understanding for those around you. Some may see your passiveness as weakness because they do not see the strength and control it takes to cool the rage bubbling just beneath the surface.

The prospect of a life beyond pleasure is offered to everyone, but only a few will receive it. With me comes this promise. Know that, still, the best is yet to come.

Virtuously Yours,

Patience

# Ira

### The Scarlet Letters

Before you can get to forgiveness, you have to go through me first.

Dear Patience,

How exhausted are you from the lack of fairness and understanding in this world? Bombarded by the intense demands of existence, I see you are wearing yourself thin. Help remains scarce and understanding is almost nonexistent. When you witness an injustice so epic it breaks your heart, or you can no longer wait for that response you've hoped for, or when you feel abandoned by love, I'm the inordinate and uncontrolled entity of pure self-destructiveness that can carry you across the darkness. When your overwhelming resentment, impatience and vengefulness emerge, I will take the lead and dance with those shadowy figures until the music stops.

Sometimes the song seems to be stuck on repeat, and the steps can be complicated. Dark entities exist in this world, and no amount of patience will extinguish them. Like me, they are here to stay. Therefore, with my help you can learn to embrace us. With me in control, I can reduce what was to smolder and ashes so that you can rebuild bigger and better than before.

However, I cannot promise that I will not consume you too because, unleashed, I am strong. But keeping me locked away is just as dangerous. The dark is where I draw my strength from; keeping me there will only make me more powerful. I feed off unresolved issues and that which you tuck away because you lack understanding. Long after I've faded from your memory, I will re-emerge as that internal anger, and expression of hatred directed inwardly urging your suicidal tendencies. Dante suggests it is the ultimate rejection of gifts from your 'Absentee landlord'.

Life is exhausting which is why you've been teamed up with me in order to make it through. And though you may seek understanding or forgiveness in order to keep me locked away, know that one day I will find a way to be unleashed. And I do not return peacefully. I've learned from watching you, and I can persist long after the grievance has occurred and all appears to be forgiven. You and I are matched until the dance is finished and we all get to go home, so acknowledge me and play nice.

Sinfully Yours,

Wrath

# The Winter of My Discontent

### Death Of My Soul

You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. —C.S. Lewis

Within the yearly cycle of the earth's orbit around the sun comes the dreaded winter season. I like winter; I just don't like below-zero temperatures. Before science contributed its logical explanation of this frigid season, it was considered a time of stillness, darkness and death. The season seems to remain as such as it destroys crops and hinders growth during the long dark nights. Many earlier civilizations feared the coming of the winter for that reason. Despite the cheery, meaningful holidays during this time of the year, some people fall into a deep depression. The scientific designation of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) legitimizes these depressed feelings attributing them to the lack of sun and not just due to winter's icy touch. Although normally being in tune with nature's cycle is considered a good thing, interestingly, SAD is viewed as a problem. Furthermore, the symptoms of having the 'winter blues' are similar to the stages of death. Having been one of the lucky people affected by SAD, I was influenced to move to a place with milder winters. Ironically, those harsh winters I had hoped to avoid seemed to follow me out west. Seeing snow piled high in the streets reminds me of my youth when all snow was good for was forts and fights. There's still some fun in those things, and the occasional snow angel, but as an adult it seemed as if death itself was following me. It was coming after me and I couldn't escape it. Consciously I knew death was part of life but subconsciously I had to accept it too. Not just as a one-time occurrence, but as something that occurs as regularly as spring. And once I accepted that fact, it was the beginning of a new understanding of life.

People of different cultures and civilizations acknowledge death and accept it as one part of a cycle. Because of the pain and suffering associated with death, it seems appropriate that there would be many ways to deal with it but no way to avoid it completely.

However, birth and spring are usually embraced in the same way all over the world, rejoicing at the coming of the New Year, celebrating rebirth and the new possibilities that spring brings. No science or religion is needed to acknowledge the fact that the arrival of spring in the natural world is basic to survival. Most social institutions acknowledge the existence of a natural cycle, but disagree on where it begins and where it ends. Interestingly, the 'World Egg' theory comes close to reconciling the differences between science and religion on this front, perhaps because within the egg is both creation and evolution. However, that which requires proof and that which involves faith are seldom on the same page. The World Egg is a creation myth found in many cultures and civilizations which suggests that the origins of the universe or some primordial entity hatched into existence from a cosmic egg.[14]

This theory, which can be found in Egyptian, Chinese and modern cosmology, was also adopted by scientists in the 1930s to explain the compression of the entire universe before the 'big bang'.[15]

Death is a very individualized and personal experience. Being 'unknown', it is not possible for everyone to agree on what it's all about or what happens afterwards. Fortunately, agreeing on death isn't a requirement for dying, but in life we don't have that luxury; there are many rules and restrictions; some necessary, some not so much. It's believed that in life, anything is possible. And, what is true in life is perhaps true in death. The desire to know what happens after death is simply to know how one should live. Everywhere I turn, someone is telling me how to live; I must live for the future, or I must live in the present moment. Sometimes I enjoy traveling to the past to visit fond memories, but of course it is not a place to stay. I don't worry too much about the future, but sometimes I enjoy thinking about where I want my life to go. As always, there is too much to think about to quiet my mind. It's almost impossible to live in one moment in time, even if it is a quiet present. As I find myself time traveling through life, I often think about what awaits me once I let go of all my worldly illusions. It has been said that 'dying is easy, but living is hard'. I believe this to be true mainly because no one can tell me how to die. Die to my old self that has changed over time. Die to the old self and let go of that which no longer serves me. Die to the ego, and even die for another's 'sins'. Life, death and the origins of the universe remain a mystery to me. I don't have all the answers because I don't yet know the questions to ask. But, I have an understanding of 'who' and 'what' The Creator, and The Destroyer are.

As omnipresent ethereal entities I know 'where' they are as well. And the big question of 'why' doesn't seem important until I experience one of the 'falls' in life. The question of 'how' seems only relevant when I'm trying to get up from that fall. The only other question remaining to me is, 'when will it all end'? Or, perhaps it's really a question of 'when does it all begin again?' My time in this world has taught me I must be attached to things in order to live and I must learn to let go to die. Whether or not I'm wrong and it's really just a game I didn't opt to play, a test I can't study for, or an elaborate illusion created for my or some other`s enjoyment, this book is my playbook, study guide, and totem for when I become too attached to the worldly illusions I've created for myself. And, when I fall (again), I have a place to begin.

End Notes

[1] Bishop T.D., Jakes. "The Blessed Test Sermon." The Order of The Breaking Of Bread. The Potter's House. Texas, Dallas. 16 2011. Address.

[2] Pearson, Carol S. Awakening The Heroes Within, Twelve Archetypes To Help Us Find Ourselves And Transform Our World. 2nd. New York: HarperOne, 1991. Print.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Fisher, H. E. Why we love: the nature and chemistry of love. 1st ed. New York: Henry Holt & Company, 2004. Print.

[5] Berger, Kathleen. The Developing Person Through the Life Span. 7th ed. New York: Worth Publishers, 2007. Print.

[6] Hutchison, E. D. Dimensions of human behavior: The changing life course. 3rd. Sage Publications, Inc., 2008. Print.

[7] Freud, Sigmund. New Introductory Lectures on Psycho-Analysis. First Ed.,. W.W. Norton & Co., 1933. Print.

[8] Ibid.

[9] Pearson, Carol S. Awakening The Heroes Within, Twelve Archetypes To Help Us Find Ourselves And Transform Our World. 2nd. New York: HarperOne, 1991. Print.

[10] Ibid.

[11] Ibid.

[12] Brown, Brené. "The Power of Vulnerability." TEDxHouston. TEDxHouston. Texas, Houston. 2010. Lecture.

[13] Sidgwick, H. The methods of ethics. Hackett Publishing Company, 1907. Print.

[14] Campbell, Joseph. The Hero With A Thousand Faces. 3rd. New York City: Pantheon Books, 2008. Print.

[15] Cosmic Mysteries: Voyage Through the Universe. Revised Edition. New York, NY: Time Life Education, 1990. Print.

