## **Contents**

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

1 - Out of the Game?

2 - Mage Morphs to Rogue

3 - Don't Get Distracted!

4 - Not (Usually) a Thief

5 - There Goes My Recall

6 - The Amulet of Yendro

7 - Way of the Samurai

8 - Master of Min / Max

9 - The Gnome Impersonator

10 - Chasing Bones Files

11 - Rusty the Monster

12 - Victory is So Close!

13 - Cursed Item Blues

14 - Twisty Little Passages

15 - Fall of the Zookeeper

16 - Everyone Gets Stoned

17 - Speedrunning Levels

18 - Guess I'm a Thief Then

19 - Best Weapon Ever

20 - Crafting in a Dungeon

21 - Worse Than a Dragon?

22 - Riders on the Storm

23 - Wizard of Yendro

24 - Out of the Frying Pan

ROGUELIKE

A LitRPG Novel

By Paul Bellow

Copyright © 2018 Paul Bellow

All rights reserved.

DEDICATION

This novel is dedicated to Don Worth, Jeff McCord, Glenn Wichman and Michael Toy, Robert Alan Koeneke, Alex Cutler and Andy Astrand, Jay Fenlason (with help from Kenny Woodland, Mike Thome, and Jonathan Payne), Noah Morgan, Linley Henzell, and the many others who have helped roguelikes in one way or another over the years. Here's to "just one more level" and the magic of reading, "You feel that eating the kitten was a bad idea."

**Long Live LitRPG!**

****

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 1 ::::>

Into Another Game?

I stared into the shimmering portal that led into the roguelike, wondering how many people had stumbled into the game within a game. As I watched and pondered, Regina turned, her heavy plate mail squeaking. She nodded as a familiar smile spread across her face.

"No," I said, frowning and shaking my head. "Absolutely not. The roguelike is too dangerous."

"He's right," Axelrod said. "It's taken us too long to get this far. We can't quit our quest now. You two know that nobody's ever come out of that trap of a game."

I turned to the dwarf, his white mohawk and beard contrasting his dark skin.

"We're not talking about quitting," Regina said. "It's a quick side-trip to defeat the roguelike. After we win, we'll have the Amulet of Yendro. Don't you think that will help with our main quest on this level?"

Axelrod groaned.

"Nobody's beaten the roguelike yet," he said. "What makes you think you can?"

After being trapped in the Tower of Gates for so long, I wasn't sure what to think.

"We don't have time for this foolishness," Axelrod grumbled.

Regina rolled her eyes then shook her head.

"You never wanna have any fun," she said then turned to me.

"What do you say, wizard?" she asked. "Time to go explore this side-dungeon and claim the Amulet of Yendro as ours? It'll help us get revenge on Magi Inyontoo."

"How do we know it's not a trap?" I asked. "Axelrod's right. Nobody that's gone into the roguelike has ever come out again."

"You're as bad as him," she said. "We'll never get out of here if we don't take risks. Both of you need to man-up and do this with me."

"Calculated risks are good, not gambles," Axelrod said. "There's a big difference. We've got to stop these Magictology creeps. That's our main mission right now. We can't let them enslave all the dwarves in this blasted game."

"Don't you think we've done enough by locking up the Wight Mage?" I asked.

"Yeah," Regina said. "We stopped a major glitch. I think it's time we treat ourselves to some epic, unique loot."

"Maybe there's a reason no one has defeated the roguelike," Axelrod said. "Did either of you numbskulls ever think about that?"

"I try not to think too much," Regina spat back.

"No kidding," Axelrod said, shaking his head.

My real-life brother could be blunt, but I loved him.

"Why don't we sleep on it," I suggested. "Compromise."

"Nah." Regina stepped toward the portal. "Smell you two later."

"No, wait..." I tried to stop her, holding up a hand, but she didn't stop walking.

I frowned as she disappeared through the portal into the roguelike.

"We have to go in after her," I said. "Splitting the party isn't a good idea."

Axelrod frowned and shook his head.

"We don't even know if we can group inside the game," he said. "Most roguelikes are solo adventures."

He was right, but the roguelike nobody had beaten called out to me.

"You're not thinking it through," he added. "Regina's on her own."

"We have to help her," I argued. "The roguelike can't be too difficult."

"You think the game's going to give us an OP artifact for a simple walk-through roguelike?" He raised an eyebrow. "That's ridiculous. Regina is foolish. Don't make the same mistake as her."

"We can't leave her," I said. "The three of us signed a contract."

"I know," he snapped.

As he stepped closer to the portal, I sighed. The longer we were in the Tower of Gates, the more difficult the decisions were becoming. Regina running into the roguelike on her own didn't make our lives any easier, but I didn't want to leave her.

"We have to go in after her," I repeated in a determined tone.

"Fine," Axelrod grumbled. "You go. I'll wait out here."

"You're not coming?" I asked.

"No." The dwarf shook his head. "I'll wait for you, though."

"Thanks," I said, laying the sarcasm on thick.

I stepped toward the portal to the roguelike. After so many years inside the Tower of Gates, I still couldn't wrap my head around the immensity of the game. Had the game created the roguelike or was it the work of one of the rogue players rumored to be able to hack code and change core mechanics? I'd find out more by playing.

"Wish me luck," I said then took another step forward.

"Hold on," Axelrod said.

I stopped and looked over my shoulder.

"What?" I asked. "Are you coming?"

"Let's just wait on her to come out," he replied. "I don't want to be alone in here."

"You'll be fine," I said. "Or you could come into the roguelike with us."

"No way," he said.

I turned back toward the portal and sighed, not relishing the choice before me.

"She might need my help," I said. "See you in a bit."

I walked into the roguelike, unsure of what to expect.

* * * * *

I spawned in a nondescript stone room with no doors or windows. A game prompt appeared in the air before me.

Do you want to read the rules? y/N

"Yes," I muttered, not wanting to take any chances.

Rule files are corrupt.

Do you want to read the rules? y/N

Another glitch?

I wasn't ready to battle a game that cheated.

Sighing, I chose the default option.

Random Character Creation Started!

"What? Random character?"

Attributes, stats, and skills appeared on the heads-up display hovering in the air before me. I glanced over them, noticing the slight differences from the main Tower of Gates game screens. How different would the roguelike be?

**Name:** Orange Alex

**Class:** Mage

**Level:** 1

**XP TO LVL:** 100

**Health:** 10 hp

**Magic:** 15 mp

**Alignment:** 0 (Neutral)

**Armor Class:** 5 (barely armored)

**Attacks per Round:** 1

**STR** : 45 | **INT** : 95  | **WIS** : 85

**DEX** : 84 | **CON** : 72 | **CHA** : 87

**SKILLS:**

One-Handed Blades -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Dodge -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Use Magic Items -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Cast Spells -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Languages: Common

**SPELLS:**

You know no spells.

You need a spell book.

No kidding. Stupid game.

A mage is gonna be a tough start.

I called up my inventory and equipped lists.

**INVENTORY:**

An oak staff

A pouch (empty)

2 gold

A dog biscuit

**EQUIPPED**

**  
**

**Wielding** : Fists

**Left Finger** : Nothing

**Right Finger:** Nothing

**Left Wrist** : Nothing

**Right Wrist** : Nothing

**Around Neck** : Nothing

**Light Source** : Torch (230 minutes)

**On Body** : Robes (AC5 – Barely armored.)

**Shield** : Nothing

**On Head** : Nothing

**On Hands** : Nothing

**On Feet** : Sandals

**Ranged Weapon** : Nothing

**In Quiver** : Nothing

A light flashed before I disappeared.

Spawning...

You are near the town of Yangmore.

You are above the Dread Dungeon.

You are a Level 1 Mage.

You feel okay.

I materialized next to a rustic wooden fence beside a field. The wind hit my face and rustled the wheat like waves. In the distance, a few broken down buildings sat clustered together. As I checked out my surroundings, I noticed a crow flying toward me.

Great. I've got no spells or weapons.

Instead of attacking, the black bird landed atop the nearby fence.

"Hello, Alex," it said then cawed. "I'm here to help you."

"Um, nice to meet you." I glanced around. "You do mean me, right?"

"Not too bright for a mage, are you?" the crow quipped.

"Heckled by a bird," I said. "Keeps getting better."

The crow stretched out its wings to balance itself.

"Why are you talking to me?" I asked, a slight bit curious.

"I'm here to help," the bird replied. "You should go to the town and stock up on supplies before heading into the Dread Dungeon. I'll follow you until I die. Together, we can save the world from the evils trying to invade the world above ground."

"Fine with me," I said. "Feel free to tell me what you think I need to know."

Having a talking pet would make the game a bit easier.

"I will, Alex. Where to now?"

"Town," I said then headed across the field.

After cawing twice, the crow flew into the air, following me.

"Do you have a name?" I asked.

The bird's scratchy voice whispered in my mind, "You can call me Dusty."

"Okay, then," I replied with telepathy.

I continued walking as the crow flew overhead. At the other side of the field, I came across another fence. After climbing over it, I noticed a farmer approaching with a pitchfork in his hand.

Here we go, I thought. First battle without even a single spell? Aargh.

The weathered man stopped a few dozen feet away, holding his farm tool like a weapon.

"What do you want?" he asked while looking me up and down.

"Just passing through," I said. "Sorry to bother you."

"You're on my property, so I'll need a payment," he said.

"Don't fight him, Alex. You're not strong enough. Consider him."

I followed my pet's suggestion.

 > Consider Farmer

With sunbaked skin and blistered hands, you know this farmer's not afraid of work. The pitchfork is rusty and even more dangerous. He would likely kill you.

"I've got no gold," I said. "Can I repay you in some other way?"

The farmer lowered the pitchfork a few inches.

"Willing to get your hands dirty?" he asked.

I nodded and said, "Sure. What do you need me to do?"

"Kill ten rats," he said.

I stifled a laugh at the common video game trope.

"Sure thing," I said. "Do I get gold in addition to paying off my debt?"

"I'll give you one gold." He raised the pitchfork. "You have a problem with that?"

"No, no, not at all," I said, raising my hands. "Can I use your pitchfork?"

The farmer laughed.

"You don't look strong enough to lift it let alone use it to kill rats. Here's a knife."

After he stopped forward and offered it, I took the weak looking weapon.

You get A RUSTY KNIFE (unknown).

"They're in the barn," the farmer said. "Come find me when you're done. If you don't die first, I'll give you a gold piece and let you leave my property."

He snickered as he turned and walked away. I stared at the rusty dagger in my right hand. Why hadn't I started with any spells? A glitch? I sighed then headed toward the barn a few hundred feet away. Dusty flew overhead.

The barn's tall, wooden doors were both open as I approached. I peered into the darkness, but I couldn't make out much. How hard would it be to kill ten rats? A low-level quest was just what I needed to start leveling.

I stopped at the entrance of the barn and looked around inside. Bales of hay had been stacked around the walls, looking like perfect hiding places for rats. I took a few steps inside then paused again before continuing.

"Be careful," Dusty cawed as he flew above.

"Can you chase the rats out for me?" I asked in my mind.

"Do you want to face them all at once?"

"No," I replied.

"I can't chase them out one at a time."

So much for crows being the smartest of the birds.

I heard a squealing noise to my left. A fat rat lumbered out, running toward me.

"Don't get bit, Alex," Dusty said. "They carry diseases."

I lunged for the rat with the rusty knife.

Your pierce SCRATCHES the rat for 2 damage.

The rat MISSES you.

Your pierce SCRATCHES the rat for 3 damage.

The rat is dead!

Not bad, I thought as I pulled the rusty blade from the rat's body. Two more vile rodents rushed from the hay as if to avenge their fallen comrade. I attacked viciously. Well, as vicious as possible with a short, rusty knife covered in rat blood.

The rat MISSES you.

The rat SCRATCHES you for 1 damage.

You have [9/10] health remaining.

Your pierce GRAZES the rat for 5 damage.

The rat is dead!

The rat MISSES you.

Your slash GRAZES the rat for 4 damage.

The rat is dead!

Dusty cawed from the ground outside the barn.

"You're doing great," he said.

"Seven more to go..." I mumbled as two more came out.

I killed both quickly, only taking another two damage myself. With such a lucky amount of health points for a level one mage, I wasn't doing too badly. Another two rats scrambled out, followed by the other three.

Your slash GRAZES the rat for 6 damage.

The rat is dead!

The rat MISSES you.

The rat MISSES you.

Your pierce GRAZES the rat for 4 damage.

The rat is dead!

The rat SCRATCHES you for 2 damage.

You have [5/10] health remaining.

The rat MISSES you.

I struggled, but the final three rats fell with me only taking another three damage.

Combat is Over!

You get +100 xp

You have 100 xp

LEVEL UP!

You are a Level 2 Mage.

You get +2 stat points.

You get +2 skill points.

You gain +24 magic.

You gain +9 health.

You need 200 xp for Level 3.

The bloody bodies of the rats laid strewn about the interior of the barn. As I glanced around, I noticed a trap door in the floor. Was it the entrance to the dungeon I needed to clear to beat the roguelike? Or was it something else?

After peering over my shoulder and not seeing the farmer, I walked over to the square piece of wood on the ground. The tarnished brass handle squeaked as I grabbed it and pulled, revealing a ladder leading down.

"Don't do it," Dusty said.

"It's dark, but I think there's something down there," I said. "Watch my back."

As my crow companion watched for the farmer, I climbed down the ladder. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw a book lying on the floor across the room. I smiled and walked over to pick up the black, leather tome with gold embossed letters on the spine.

You get a BOOK OF SPELLS (BEGINNER)

"He's coming," Dusty said.

"I'll be right up."

After climbing out, I shut the trap door as the farmer rounded the corner. I had just enough time to hide the book inside my robes. He tilted his head back and stared at me with suspicion.

"You got the rats," he said. "Here's your gold coin."

He tossed a single coin inside the barn. It hit the back of a dead rat and rolled away as he walked over to me.

"I'm surprised you had it in you," he said. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, feigning both ignorance and innocence.

"You know what I mean," he said. "Be honest with me."

Dusty cawed three times then flew out of the barn and into the sky.

"Here's your knife," I said, tossing it to the ground next to him.

"Aren't you wondering why a farmer like me has a secret room with a book?"

"What you do on your own time is up to you," I said.

"I know you have the book," he said bluntly.

Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the knife.

"Should I attack him, Alex?" Dusty asked.

"Not yet. Something's off."

"I need the spell book," I said. "Please."

My high charisma score might help me talk my way out of it.

"All you needed to do was ask," the farmer said. "If you do well adventuring, come back and at least tell me the tales of dungeon diving. Years ago, I tried to descend all the way to the bottom, but I barely escaped with my life."

"Thanks," I said cautiously, not believing my luck.

Was it the game's unique way of giving me my first spell book?

Even without a focused storyline, the roguelike sucked me in deeper.

"Fare well on your adventures," the farmer said, raising a hand. "My dog Maggot ran off, and I can't find him. I really need to find him."

"Good luck," I said, turning and walking out of the barn. "I'll return if I survive."

At the edge of the double doors, I stopped, half in and out of the sunlight.

"What's your name?" I asked over my shoulder.

"They call me Mogron," the farmer replied.

I smiled as I walked toward the nearby town, hoping to find an inn. With only one health, I wanted to rest up and heal. Like most basic RPG towns, this one had a tavern with rooms for rent, an armory, a magic shop, and a general store. I hoped my limited gold would be enough for a warm, comfy bed to heal up overnight.

Without any other options available, I strolled into the tavern. The barkeep nodded once as I approached him inside the two-story stone building.

"I'll take a room," I said, stopping in front of the long, wooden bar.

"One gold per week," he answered in a monotone voice.

"Great," I said, setting a single gold coin on the counter. "Anything you can recommend around here? Have you heard of any princesses in trouble or caravans that need protecting?"

The bearded man narrowed his eyes.

"You're an adventurer, aren't you?" he asked.

I nodded, smiling.

"Yeah, why?"

"I hate the lot of you," he said. "Nothing but ruffians in our town. Have you heard farmer Mogron's dog Maggot is missing?"

"Yeah, it's terrible," I said, wondering if it would lead to a quest.

"Anyway," the barkeep said as he turned to retrieve a key from a peg on the wall behind him. "You're in room thirteen. It's on the second floor. You get two meals a day, one at dawn and the other early evening. If you miss those times, we cannot accommodate you. Additionally, if you're wanted by the authorities and attempting to hide out, we cannot accommodate you."

The innkeeper rattled off a long list of rules and regulations. Was it the game trying to make sure I went to the dungeon and didn't stick in the town too long? How would the AI running the game react to my playstyle? My questions piled up as I took the key.

"Anything else?" he asked after he finally finished.

"No, thanks," I said then turned and walked toward the stairs.

Once on the second floor and in my room, I pulled out the spell book, anxious to see what was inside. A flimsy cot was the only furniture in the room, so I walked over and sat on the edge. When I opened the thick, leather-bound volume and read the table of contents, I smiled. The spells were low-level, but they would help.

**GOLDEN BOLT OF ENERGY** – (2 mp per bolt)

These glowing bolts of energy always find their target, doing 1d4+INT BONUS of damage per bolt.

**GOLDEN ARMOR** (2 mp)

Glowing armor surrounds you. You get +2 AC.

**IDENTIFY ITEM** – (5 mp)

This spell gives you knowledge about items' magical natures.

You have 2 spell slots.

Which spells do you add from the spell book?

I studied the list again, knowing my decision would affect whether my character lived or not. While deaths were common in all the roguelikes I'd ever played, I wanted to defeat the game on my first run. Difficult? Sure. Impossible? Maybe, but I wanted to try.

The defensive spell would've been nice, but I went with identify and the offensive spell. After choosing, I checked the game menu and saw they were both available to cast. With only 15 magic points, I'd need to be careful casting them, especially once I made it to the dungeon.

Choosing my own character build would have been nice, but maybe that was why nobody had beat the roguelike? I stretched out on the cot with my hands behind my head. Sleep wouldn't come, but I waited as my health slowly returned. Would I beat the game and get out before Regina? She was a good player, but I'd complete the roguelike first. I was sure of it.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 2 ::::>

Mage Morphs to Rogue

Just over an hour later, my health restored completely. I glanced around the bare room to make sure I didn't forget anything then left. The door didn't lock, but I hadn't left anything behind to steal. I walked downstairs, ignoring the innkeeper as I walked outside.

"Are you around, Dusty?" I asked in my mind as I stood.

"Up here," my crow companion said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I replied. "We need to find the dungeon."

"I can show you the Dread Dungeon."

"Show me."

I should've checked the shops, but with only two gold remaining they could wait. Adventure called from the dungeon somewhere close, and I had to answer. The lack of other players in the roguelike had been unsettling at first, but I was growing accustomed to it.

Dusty flew overhead, leading the way as I left the town.

"Over here," the crow said from the air a few minutes later.

The bird landed in a field a few hundred feet down the road. Before I reached the spot, a noxious odor hit me. I put my hand over my nose.

"What's that smell?"

"That's the Dread Dungeon," Dusty said. "Maybe you're not ready to go down."

"I need to go down."

My pet didn't need to know all the details. He wouldn't understand me trying to escape the roguelike. The situation even confused me.

"Okay, Alex. I'm here to help."

"Can you fly into the dungeon?"

"I sure can, Alex. But I don't like it underground."

"You can stay out here if you want."

"No, I'm coming with you," Dusty replied.

I reached a hole in the ground with a stone staircase leading down.

Why's there a hole with stairs leading down in middle of a field?

I chuckled at the craziness of everything as I lit a torch. A notification popped up.

You have 240 minutes of light remaining.

As I reached the bottom of the steps, sinking deeper into the rich, moist earth, another message appeared.

You are on level 1 of the dungeon (-50')

I surveyed the first room of the dungeon. Stones covered the floor, walls, and ceiling above. All the tiles were similarly shaped and sized. The wall to my left had a closed door. On the floor next to it, I saw a few gold coins.

Dusty flew down the stairs, flapping around in the constrained space of the room, cawing loudly.

"Quiet it down," I hissed as I walked over to the door, ready to cast Golden Bolts if necessary.

I listened for any sounds on the other side of the door as I bent down to pick up the few gold coins.

You get 4 gold coins.

You have 6 gold coins.

Not a bad start for doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes roguelikes gave you a bit of a break. I walked over and turned the brass handle of the wooden door. A dark stone tunnel stretched into the distance on the other side.

"Want to ride on my shoulder?" I asked, glancing at my companion.

"Thanks, Alex. It would be easier."

Dusty flew to my shoulder, digging his claws in my thick red robes.

"Careful," I snapped.

"Sorry, Alex..."

"You're fine. Just keep your eyes open."

I stepped forward into the tunnel, the flames from my torch flickering.

"How's your vision?" I asked.

"I see very well," the crow replied then cawed.

"Good," I said, wishing the damn bird wasn't so loud.

I crept forward, clutching the torch and wishing I had a wand. The roguelike would hopefully deliver something quickly. When I played spellcasters, I usually relied on heavy offensive magic to blast my way through problems that arose.

The tunnel turned to the right then meandered on for another thirty feet before turning to the left. A sturdy, wooden door stood at the end of the hallway. When I reached it, I reached out and pushed on the non-stained wood.

"Locked," I said. "Or stuck."

I heard a squeal down the hallway. Had I missed a secret door or something? Did monsters spawn wherever and whenever they wanted? Learning new games could be fun, but not in a life or death situation. I turned and saw a big bat flapping its wings and soaring toward me.

Where'd that come from?

Dusty flew off my shoulder and down the hall, cawing the whole way. Still holding the torch, I spoke the arcane words to cast two Golden Bolts with 4 mp.

Your Golden Bolts MISS the bat.

You have [35/39] mana remaining today.

The miserable flying rodent flew further down the tunnel. I didn't want to waste all my magic points killing it, but the experience would be worth it. I attacked with two more bolts.

Your Golden Bolts SCRATCH the bat for 3 damage.

You have 31/39 mana remaining today.

The bat shrieked but kept barreling forward. I fought off the instinct to panic and cast again with 6 mp.

Your Golden Bolts GRAZE the bat for 5 damage.

You have [25/39] mana remaining today.

"Where are you, Dusty?" I thought angrily as the bat approached.

It flew in and attacked twice in a row.

The bat HITS you for 10 damage.

The bat GRAZES you for 7 damage.

You are DEAD!

The world fades away.

You're in a void.

_  Dead again. _

* * * * *

I opened my eyes and found myself in an all too familiar field.

You are on level 0 (0') – Town of Angelfoot

You are a Level 1 Rogue (Angelo Orange).

Here we go again. I need to be more careful this time. What's with the Orange name again? And why wasn't I allowed to choose my own name? Or class for that matter?

As usual, the game had more questions than answers. A rogue wouldn't have been my first choice, but it might be slightly easier than a mage in a roguelike. Spellcasters could be the most difficult in the early stages of the games. I checked my new abilities, stats, skills, and inventory.

Name: Angelo Orange

Class: Rogue

Level: 1

XP TO LVL: 50

Health: 21 hp

Magic: 15 mp

Alignment: 0 (Neutral)

Armor Class: 20 (Slightly Armored)

Attacks per Round: 1

STR: 85 (+4 damage)

INT: 75 (+10 mp)

WIS: 55

DEX: 94 (+35% Dodge/Ranged Attacks, +10 Armor Class)

CON: 75 (+2 hp per level)

CHA: 87 (+25% bargaining)

One-Handed Blades -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Dodge -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Use Magic Items -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Cast Spells -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Languages: Common

You are Carrying:

a) A note

b) Lock Pick Kit

c) Torch (240 minutes)

d) Large Sack

1) Bag of Beans (5 portions)

2) Bag of Rice (5 portions)

3) 1 gold coin

EQUIPPED

Wielding: Rusty Short Sword

Left Finger: Nothing

Right Finger: Nothing

Left Wrist: Nothing

Right Wrist: Nothing

Around Neck: Nothing

Light Source: None

On Body: Leather Armor (AC10 –Slightly armored.)

Shield: Nothing

On Head: Nothing

On Hands: Nothing

On Feet: Sandals

Ranged Weapon: Nothing

In Quiver: Nothing

"Okay, Alex," I told myself. "You've got this."

"Alex? Who's that? Aren't you Angelo? I'm confused!"

I spun around.

"Who said that?" I asked in a firm tone. .

"Down here," the voice answered. "It's me, Rick, your field mouse companion."

This game is so weird. I decided to run with it.

"Call me, Alex," I said, hating to have to go over everything again.

Losing a companion would be tougher than I'd imagined at first. I vowed to do whatever it took to get my rogue character all the way through the game. No more failures!

"We should go into town," I said.

"Great idea, Alex. I'll follow you."

"Be careful of my feet," I said, walking out of the field.

After walking a few dozen feet, I saw a female dressed in overalls come out from around a barn off the main trail. She stopped, looking alarmed.

"Howdy ma'am," I said. "Angelo the expert rat exterminator at your service. I heard you might need help with some rats?"

She squinted her eyes and tilted her head at my attempt at a joke.

"What are you doing on my land?" she asked.

"I'm here to kill your rats," I insisted.

"Why would I want you killing my rats?" She shook her head. "You've been gone too long, Angelo. Come here, you..."

Hold on a minute. She knows me?

> Consider female farmer

[NPC] Glenda Goodring

Glenda is your mentor and trainer as a rogue.

"Come inside," she said. "I've got your kit. Unless you've decided a dive into the dank Dungeon of Derkmore isn't for you?"

"I'm ready," I replied, wiping the smile off my face.

She nodded in a studious manner then turned and walked toward the barn. I marveled at the story evolving around my second character. The radical changes took me by surprise. I couldn't believe it was just a sub-game embedded within the Tower of Gates.

When we reached the incredibly lifelike building, she stopped in middle of the open doorways. I glanced into the barn, seeing bales of hay much like the other. As she stared at me with squinted eyes, I pulled up the note in my inventory with the game to read it without her seeing. The message startled me. Someone had scrawled "Kill Glenda" on the paper. I closed the info box on my HUD and took a deep breath.

"You're acting too weird," Glenda said. "Is something wrong? Have you got the note?"

Did she mean the note in my inventory? Should I give it to her?

I reached into the sack at my side and pulled out the note.

"Here you go," I said, handing it to her.

She took the scrap of paper.

"I can't believe he double-crossed me," she said, shaking her head. "Thanks for bringing this to me. Your reward is over there in the corner."

She watched as I walked over to a medium-sized chest made of wood with brass bands holding it together. The lid opened easy. I picked up the three items inside.

You get Nice Longsword.

You get Nice Leather Gloves.

You get Nice Leather Boots.

I kicked off my flimsy shoes and put on the boots. Surprisingly, they fit perfectly. After putting on the gloves, I slid the longsword into my belt.

"That should get you down deep enough in the Dungeon of Derkmore to find some better stuff," Glenda said. "Remember, if you find anything you want to sell, check here before you go to the shops."

"I will," I said. "Any other advice?"

"Don't get cocky," she said. "The curse of YASD is real."

"YASD?"

Glenda nodded.

"Yes," she said. "Yet another stupid death."

I grinned. Was it an Easter egg in the roguelike?

"Get going," she said.

"Are you around, Rick?" I asked in my mind as I turned.

"I'm here, Alex," my new companion replied.

"Can you keep up while I search for the entrance of the dungeon?"

I walked away from the barn.

"As long as you feed me, I'll be fine."

"Hope you like rice and beans," I said.

The mouse didn't reply as it scurried beside me. When I neared the town, I saw notifications appear above the buildings to let me know what they each sold. I didn't have any gold, so I skipped through town and walked into the wilderness on the other side. With full health, I wanted to get started right away.

"It's close," Rick said out loud as we walked.

"No kidding," I muttered, holding my nose.

The noxious fumes hadn't penetrated into the dungeon last time. I hoped the same held true when I went down again. Rick scampered ahead, stopping at the edge of a large hole in the middle of a field. A surreal wooden staircase led down into the darkness. The boards of the stairs appeared rotted and ready to give way.

I stared down into the darkness.

"Can you scout ahead?" I asked.

"Sure can," my new furry friend said.

As the brown field mouse crept down the stairs, I lit my torch. The rickety, wooden steps looked even worse as I shined the light on them. Would they hold my weight? I stepped onto the first board and heard it creak and moan. When it didn't give way, I continued, carefully placing my other foot on the next step down.

"All clear down here," Rick said.

When I reached the sturdier boards lower down, I went faster and with more confidence. The room at the bottom of the steps had different dimensions than the first one in the dungeon with my previous character. Boards had replaced stone on the walls. My heads-up display lit up when I hit the bottom of the stairs.

You are on level 1 (-50')

You feel wary.

Nice. Already wary. Let's see if I can make it into the second room this time.

On the wall opposite the stairs, I saw a closed wooden door. I walked over and pressed my ear against the wood, listening. Silence. Great. I turned the handle and the door opened. On the other side, I saw—surprise, surprise—yet another tunnel, but I couldn't see the end of it.

Torch in one hand and sword in the other, I walked out of the room and into the tunnel. I stopped and tensed up when I heard a squeal ahead. Another black bat flapped toward me. I set the torch down to concentrate on my attacks with the sword.

Your pierce GRAZES the bat for 7 damage.

The bat MISSES you.

Your slash INJURES the bat for 11 damage.

The bat is dead!

You get +5 xp

You have [5/50] xp

You need 45 xp for Level 2 Rogue.

I wiped the blood and brains from my blade to the back of the bat. Rick ran past me, feasting on the carcass. Wow, I thought to myself. Savage little guy.

"We should keep moving," I said in a soft voice as I reached down to pick up the torch.

"Hold on," Rick said. "I'm starving."

The talking mouse would make the solo adventure a little less boring. I stepped into the new tunnel propped up with wooden boards. Rick ran after me, red-faced from feasting on the bat I'd killed. I turned my attention to the way ahead of us.

The tunnel ended abruptly with two doors on each side of the tunnel. I noticed a giant hole chewed through the wood near the bottom of one of them. Rick stopped next to my feet, sniffing the air.

"Rats," he said. "I smell rats."

"We'll come back later if we're desperate," I said. "Let's see what else we can find."

I opened the other door and saw a long, rectangular room on the other side. This room had another two doors; one to the left, and the other across from where I'd entered.

Nearby, a pile of gold coins rested on the floor. I walked into the room, briefly sheathed my sword, and then bent down to pick them up.

You get 8 gold.

You have 9 gold

I stuffed the coins into the cloth sack at my side. After listening at the nearest door and hearing nothing, I moved to the other.

"Alex, watch out," Rick said from near my feet.

I turned and saw a cat-sized rat with beady eyes scampering toward me. As it came closer, I tossed the torch in front of its path. The move surprised it enough to stop its forward momentum. I pounced.

Your pierce INJURES the giant rat for 11 damage.

The giant rat GRAZES you for 4 damage.

You have [17/21] health remaining.

Your slash HITS the giant rat for 9 damage.

You dodge!

The giant rat MISSES you.

Your pierce INJURES the giant rat for 15 damage.

The giant rat is dead!

You get +10 xp.

You have 15 xp

You need 35 xp for Level 2 Rogue.

Once again, I cleaned my sword, not wanting to ruin it before I found something better. The thing I loved about roguelikes, even the classic ones, was the ability to constantly find more powerful weapons. I needed to find the best one for every level I gained.

After listening at the second unopened door, I pushed it open. On the other side, a nearly identical room with another two doors created a strange sense of déjà vu in my mind. A trap of some sort? I wondered as I walked in and noticed the same pile of gold.

The coins sat in roughly the same spot as the ones in the last room. After I went over and picked them up, a notification window popped up.

You get 8 gold.

You have 17 gold.

Grinning, I walked across the room to the door on the opposite wall. Rick followed me, scurrying back and forth. When I reached the other side of the room, I opened another door, prepared for anything but not wanting a similar room.

A hallway stretched into the distance before making a sharp turn to the left. I took a deep breath. Such are the early levels in a roguelike, I mused to myself as I walked into the hallway. The construction appeared newer than the first rooms. A few notifications popped up.

You hear grumbles in the distance.

A door slams shut.

You hear footsteps approaching.

"Who's down there?" a voice yelled.

Crap. I stayed quiet, using my mindlink with Rick.

"Scout ahead. Let me know what you see."

As the mouse ran down the hall, I waited for my fate.

"Goblin," Rick said. "Do you want me to attack him?"

I stifled a smile. Such a courageous mouse.

"No. Keep your eyes open for others."

I crept forward to the first turn in the hall and waited. As the wiry, green goblin turned the corner, he ran straight into my waiting and thirsty blade. He fought back valiantly.

Your pierce HITS the goblin for 8 damage.

The goblin HITS you for 8 damage.

You have [9/21] health remaining.

Your slash INJURES the goblin for 12 damage.

The goblin GRAZES you for 5 damage.

You have [4/21] health remaining.

Your pierce WOUNDS the goblin for 18 damage.

The goblin is dead!

You get +15 xp

You have [30/50] xp

You need 20 xp for Level 2 Rogue.

After setting down my torch, I looted the goblin's body.

You get a rotten apple core.

You get a note.

You get a RUSTY SHORT SWORD.

You get RUSTY BRACERS.

You get 14 gold coins.

You have 30 gold coins.

I slipped the valuable items in my bag to sell them if I ran into a shop in the dungeon. Would it have them? Or did I have to go all the way back aboveground?

"Here you go, Rick," I said as I threw the apple core on the floor.

The mouse nibbled at the food as I examined the note. It contained a drawing of an intense looking crown along with a map. After reading it, a notification appeared.

NEW QUEST: Find Crown of Intelligence.

Do you accept this quest? y/N

"Nice," I said to myself. "That'll be helpful for casting spells."

"Huh?" Rick asked between bites.

"A quest to find the Crown of Intelligence," I said.

"Don't do it," Rick warned. "We're too weak."

"I'm resting up before we go anywhere, don't worry, but I want that crown."

You accept the quest: Find Crown of Intelligence

"Okay," Rick said. "I'm here to help not tell you where to go."

"How's the apple?" I asked.

"Rotten, but not bad," the mouse said.

I walked back the way I'd come. With so few health remaining, I couldn't chance running into an unexplored room and finding another monster. Anything I ran into might kill me. Without healing potions, I needed to play it safe.

Back in the first room of the dungeon with the staircase leading outside, I rested on the dirt floor, slowly healing my wounds. As I did, I studied the map I'd found for the quest. None of the rooms looked familiar, and it had no markings.

My best bet would be to keep going down, leveling up until I ran into something that matched the three rooms and tunnels on the crudely drawn map. It wasn't a great plan by any means, but I wanted to keep going. Gaining at least a single level before I left the dungeon sounded like a reasonable goal.

After resting an inordinate amount of time, I continued exploring the next few levels of the randomly constructed dungeon. The chaos factor could easily lead to deadly situations with no chance of escape. Having Rick along to scout ahead would come in very handy. I needed as much help as possible to beat the game.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 3 ::::>

Don't Get Distracted!

Time passed. I kept grinding down the hallways and into the rooms. Thanks to a few minor healing potions, I hadn't needed to ascend to the surface. Another staircase stood in front of me, beckoning. I headed down, Rick a few steps ahead of me all the way to the bottom.

You are on level 5 (-250')

You are a Level 6 Rogue.

You feel good.

The status notification hovered a moment before fading. Over the first four levels of the dungeon, I'd become extremely comfortable with the various game screens. Unfortunately, I hadn't found the rooms on the map to finish my first quest. With the Crown of Intelligence atop my head, I would have a high enough score to cast spells as a non-mage player.

According to the rules I'd looked up on one of the many resting breaks, I needed to descend to the hundredth level of the dungeon. To do that successfully, I'd need more than melee power and good armor. From my real-world experience before being trapped in the Tower of Gates, a good roguelike required thinking outside the box, and this was no different.

I heard muted sounds behind the door to my left. Time for some action, I thought as I turned the doorknob then threw the door open. Two orcs looked up from a table, cards in their hands. I dropped my torch then stepped into the room. As I walked forward, the orcs dropped their cards and stood, scrambling for their weapons.

I reached them before either had a chance to arm up.

Nothing wrong with taking advantage of surprise, I told myself.

Your slash INJURES the orc for 13 damage.

The orc's punch MISSES you.

Your slash WOUNDS the orc for 17 damage.

The orc is dead!

The orc attempts to flee.

Your slash WOUNDS the orc for 18 damage.

Your pierce HITS the orc for 9 damage.

The orc is dead!

You have 545 xp

You need 155 xp for Level 7 Rogue.

I glanced around the room. A door to the right of the table where they were playing cards was closed. Were they guarding something? And why were mobs playing cards? Neither of them had anything on their bodies worth taking, so I went over to the other door.

Locked.

With a grin, I pulled out the lock pick set I'd found and got to work. The mechanism clicked after fiddling with it a few seconds. I put the kit away and pulled my sword before opening the door. A hallway lit by torches headed out of the room. The stench of more orcs wafted down the hall toward me.

"Come on, Rick. Let's keep going."

"Are you sure, Alex? It might be dangerous."

"These are the rooms we've been looking for," I said. "We've got to finish this quest. Besides, the whole dungeon's dangerous."

I put out my torch and stuffed it back in my sack. Better to save it for later, at least until I found a better light source. I walked down the hallway. A sharp left turn up ahead gave me slight pause, but I continued forward, ready to attack. The orcs wouldn't be a problem unless I ran into a group of them at the same time.

At the corner, I peered around and saw more of the same—a long hallway stretching off into the distance. The foul orc odors grew even stronger. A closed door stood at the end of the hall. I crept forward, eyes peeled on the roughhewn wood. When I reached the door at the end of the hall, it burst open.

Two laughing orcs walked into the hallway, not noticing me at first.

I stayed quiet as I rushed forward to attack the orc in front.

Your slash MAULS the orc for 27 damage.

The orc is dead.

Finally, some good rolls for damage.

After playing just a bit, I was sure the roguelike had it in for me.

The second orc attacked, but I dodged and pierced my sword through its heart. He fell to the floor atop his buddy. I glanced up, looking into the room ahead for any other orcs or other creatures that might want to kills me.

You get +30 xp

You have 575 xp

You need 125 xp for Level 7 Rogue.

Rick gnawed away at one of the bloody bodies as I stepped forward. The room they had come from appeared empty as I approached. Small and square, I scanned it quickly. Two other doors had been left open. One led to a closet, the other a hall.

I peeked in the closet, hoping for a good loot drop. A towel hung over a metal bar near the top. I grabbed it, not expecting much, but you never knew in a roguelike. The game notice that popped up pleasantly surprised me.

Moist Towel of Healing (?/? charges)

Heal 1d20 health twice per day by wringing water out of towel. Once dry, the towel must be soaked with 12 potions of healing.

I didn't have any other means of healing, so the towel might actually come in handy. After closing the closet door, I left the room to explore the new hallway. The lack of strong orc odors put my mind at ease a little as I reached the end of the lit hall.

As I listened at the door, I heard a faint humming noise on the other side. The handle turned easily, so I opened it and looked through. A square table stood at the center of the round, unoccupied room. I walked in, closing the door behind me.

Two doors, one to my left and one to my right, were also closed. A shiny gold crown sat on the simple wooden table. This is too easy, I thought as I walked forward.

When I picked up the golden crown, a gong sounded in the distance.

I ignored the sound and slipped the crown on my head.

+50 INT

You feel smart enough to learn spells now!

With my newfound intelligence boost, I quickly realized I had no easy way to escape. All three doors opened. Dozens of orcs rushed in, overpowering me.

You are dead. Killed by orc horde on level 6 (-300').

Everything around me faded again.

My frustration leveled up.

* * * * *

I spawned again as a ranger with a raccoon companion.

"Name's Ralph," the creature said casually while standing on all four feet.

"Great," I said. "Call me Alex. Do you have any thoughts on traveling deep underground in search of fame and a way out of this game called life?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Ralph said.

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Follow me."

The farm and town were both unoccupied, but I quickly found an odd crystal staircase leading down. I stopped at the edge and pulled up my new stats.

Name: Rinaldo Orange-Steel

Class: Ranger

Level: 1

XP TO LVL: 50

Health: 13 hp

Magic: 5 mp

Alignment: 25 (Becoming Better)

Armor Class: 15 (Slightly Armored)

Attacks per Round: 1

**STR** : 75  /  **INT** : 75 /  **WIS** : 85

**DEX** : 84 / ** ** **CON** : 65 /  **CHA** : 57

**SKILLS** :

One-Handed Blades -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Dodge -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Use Magic Items -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Cast Ranger Spells -> Basic Level 1 of 10

Ranged Weapons – Longbow -> Basic level 1 of 10

Languages: Common

**INVENTORY** :

a) 50' thin, sturdy rope

b) Beaver Hat (No AC bonus, but stylish)

c) Torch (240 minutes)

d) Large Sack

1) Bag of Beans (5 portions)

2) Bag of Rice (5 portions)

3) 2 gold coins

**EQUIPPED** :

**Wielded** : Bronze Short Sword

**Left Finger** : Nothing

**Right Finger** : Nothing

**Left Wrist** : Nothing

**Right Wrist** : Nothing

**Around Neck** : Nothing

**Light Source** : None

**On Body** : Leather Armor (AC10 –Slightly armored.)

**Shield** : Nothing

**On Head** : Nothing

**On Hands** : Nothing

**On Feet** : Sandals

**Ranged Weapon** : Longbow

**In Quiver** : 14 (+0,+0) Arrows

I sighed as I stared down the staircase. Starting over wasn't fun. I needed to be more careful. Strategy and tactics were both important if I wanted to survive. A ranger would be great in the forest, but underground? Why couldn't I choose my own character? I pushed the thought aside, not ready to attack problems without solutions.

Axelrod and Regina needed me to finish the roguelike, claim the epic loot, and rejoin them in the Tower of Gates. Keeping that in mind, I ignited my torch then went down the stairs,. Ralph my raccoon companion followed close behind. At the bottom of the steps carved out of crystal, I found myself in a familiar-looking room.

You are on level 1 (-50')

The crystal ceiling, floors, and walls were all roughly the same as the other rooms I'd encountered that were made from wood or stone. I saw two doorways without doors leading out. Ralph nuzzled up against my leg.

"Want me to scout ahead?" the raccoon asked.

"Good idea," I said. "We'll take the left one first. Be careful."

"Always," Ralph said as he scampered down the crystalline hallway.

My eyes hurt from the light reflecting off the irregularly shaped walls and ceiling. I hoped the whole dungeon wasn't made out of the same material.

"I've found something," Ralph said in my mind.

At the end of the hallway, I saw a room completely made out of glass.

"This is new," I said.

"I can see down a few levels," Ralph said excitedly.

When I glanced down, I saw an armored antelope two levels down.

"A rat," Ralph shouted then ran toward another doorway.

I looked up and saw a giant rat running toward us.

Another blasted rat?

Being able to see the mob coming, I pulled my bow and nocked an arrow. Ranged combat would help keep me healthy. I wanted to increase my bow skills as much as possible before I made it to the lower levels of the dungeon.

Ralph lunged at the rat, but the greasy bugger dodged to the left and came toward me. I let my first arrow go, hoping I hit the moving target.

Your arrow HITS the giant rat for 10 damage.

I sent two more arrows flying. The second one took the rat down before it could attack me.

Combat is Over!

You get +5 xp

You have [5/50] xp

Why's the combat screen different? I wondered.

"Great shooting," Ralph said. "Sorry I missed him."

He glanced at the dead rat, licking his lips.

"Eat up," I said.

The raccoon rushed up to the rat to feast on its flesh as I retrieved all three of my arrows. My eyes kept looking down to the dungeon levels below us. The glass dungeon made my stomach queasy, but I had to keep going. Knowing what was coming up would be immensely helpful. Time for power leveling.

* * * * *

Everything on the fourth level of the dungeon was still made entirely from glass. I glanced around as I made it to the bottom of the stairs.

You are on level 4 (-200')

You are a Level 5 Ranger.

You feel good.

You are blessed.

Your toes tingle.

I had no idea what some of the potions I'd drank on the way down had done, but I felt good. The game notification had that right at least. I noticed a wooden layer under the glass on the floor of the room. Would the Crown of Intelligence quest be offered to me again?

"Orc at three o'clock," Ralph said.

I spun around and saw a burly, boar-headed humanoid pacing back and forth in a room on the other side of the dungeon.

"Good eyes," I said. "He'll know we're coming too."

"We can take him," Ralph said, itching for another fight.

He was small, but he did decent damage during battles. As I got closer to the room with the orc, I noticed the stairs down to the next level were in the same room with him. This is it. I took a deep breath to prepare myself. Be smart this time. No more stupid deaths!

I stopped at the closed glass door. The stupid creature had fallen asleep leaning against the wall. I couldn't believe my luck as I slowly pushed the door open. Sounds of the orc snoring rushed through, along with awful smells from his putrid breath.

Sword drawn, I slipped into the room and stood above the sleeping orc. I thrust my sword into his neck. His eyes snapped open as his body convulsed. Then they closed, never to open again. I listened carefully for any gongs in the distance, but heard nothing.

After rummaging around in the dead orc's belongings, I found the note for the Crown of Intelligence side-quest. Would it be easier to complete this time? What waited for me one floor below? I wondered as I stared down the stone stairs.

"Great job," Ralph said as he stood next to me.

"We need to be ready for anything," I said. "Can you scout ahead?"

"Sure thing..."

The raccoon scurried down the steps.

"I see a couple orcs," Ralph said. "They're playing cards."

Was the quest exactly the same?

"Hold on. I'll be down in a minute."

I quaffed a Potion of Might—my last one. Knowing what to expect, I didn't think I'd have any problems completing the quest and getting the Crown of Intelligence again. Would other things in the roguelike repeat if I respawned?

The only way to find out was to keep playing.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 4 ::::>

Not (Usually) a Thief

I found the Crown of Intelligence more easily the second time through. It must've been a hardcoded section of the dungeon because everything looked the same as the first time. Once again, my intelligence crossed the threshold for spell casting. I still needed to find a book of spells to cast, but all the hassle would be worth it in the end.

As I peered down the stairs to level six of the dungeon, I thought about Axelrod and Regina. I missed both of my prior party members. They each got on my nerves in their own ways, but we'd been stuck in the game together for a long time.

"You ready for this?" I asked before I descended the stairs.

"I'm here to help, Alex," Ralph said, optimistic as ever.

We descended together. At the bottom, a notification popped up.

You are on level 6 (-300')

You are a Level 7 Ranger.

You feel good.

You are blessed.

I recited a Scroll of Map Making. The map in my heads-up display filled out completely, including a secret room on the bottom-left. The room contained a dozen items according to the magic spell, and that could only mean one thing: a shop. I grinned, keeping my excitement under control.

The only problem might be making it all the way across the dungeon. On the magic map, I saw three white wolves, a giant centipede, and fifteen zombies between me and my goal. With a bit of luck, I'd be able to sneak up on them and use magic or arrows to take them all down without getting hit myself.

My health and magic points for my ranger character were good, but after dying twice, I wanted to get a character down to the tenth level of the dungeon at least. That would give me a better idea on the main bosses that appeared every ten levels in the game. With a bit of luck, I could take out the first one.

I opened the first door and walked down a hallway toward the three white wolves on my mini-map. They were the closest monsters and first in the way to my goal. I caught them by surprise and killed one right away. Ralph tore into the second one as a third ran toward me. I raised my longsword as it sprinted toward me.

Your slash MAULS the white wolf for 23 damage.

The white wolf INJURES you for 14 damage.

You have [100/114] health remaining.

The white wolf MISSES you.

Your pierce WOUNDS the white wolf for 17 damage.

The white wolf is dead!

The white wolf WOUNDS you for 17 damage.

You have [83/114] health remaining.

Your slash DECIMATES the white wolf for 34 damage.

The white wolf is dead!

Combat is Over!

You get +100 xp

You have [1025/3000] xp

I wondered how high of a level I'd be able to achieve.

Ralph ran over, stopping at my feet and looking up.

"You should rest," he said.

"Not until we see what's in that shop," I said then pulled out a Potion of Cure Moderate Wounds and quaffed it.

You feel better!

You have [114/114] health remaining.

I still hadn't found any spell books, but I hoped to find one in the shop. After checking the map of the level one more time, I headed toward the white centipede. The zombies worried me more, but they were in the room next to the shop.

As I entered the room with the centipede, it scampered toward me, the brightly colored segments of its body twisting and turning. Before drawing my sword, I fired off a couple of arrows first. Both hit the white centipede, but it kept coming forward.

I dropped my bow and drew my magic sword. The bonuses would help me make quick work of the many-legged creature.

Your slash MAULS the white centipede for 24 damage.

The white centipede MISSES you.

Your pierce WOUNDS the white centipede for 18 damage.

The white centipede is dead!

Combat is Over!

You get +25 xp

You have [1050/3000] xp

I hated the leveling system in the roguelike, but I had no control over it. Ralph wandered over and bit into a centipede pod. White, gooey liquid oozed out, but he kept eating.

"Not bad," he said between bites. "You want some?"

"I've still got rations," I said, "but thanks."

Dying of hunger ranked high on the list of stupid ways to die in a roguelike, so I'd been keeping an eye on my food levels since the beginning. I was getting to the point where I'd invested so much time and effort, I really didn't want to die again.

Ralph wiped his mouth with the back of his tiny paw.

"Where to next?" he asked.

"The zombies are up next," I said. "We'll be okay if I can draw them into the long tunnel outside the room they're in. I'm surprised they're all standing outside the shop. Maybe there's a necromancer item inside?"

Ralph, as usual, shrugged. I headed out of the room and down yet another hallway. Two rooms stood between me and the shop. On the way to it, I saw a discarded metal bracer on the floor in the first room. Might as well, I thought, stooping to pick it up.

After placing it on my right wrist, I checked my stats, not noticing any differences. Sword in hand, I walked into the next room. A rolled-up parchment sat forgotten in a corner. I walked over and picked it up. The game notification gave me no clues.

You get a Scroll Labeled Yum-Hum-Mo.

While I could've read it to find out what it did, I stuffed it into my sack for later. Maybe the shop will have a scroll of identify? Things are going better. I might get lucky.

"Let's go," I said then headed toward the final room before the shop.

Inside the room, I saw several shambling corpses.

"Over here," I shouted.

Two zombies turned, most of their flesh rotting off.

"Come on," I yelled then retreated back into the hallway to wait.

I might've been able to easily kill a dozen zombies, but it made more sense to draw then into the hallway and attack them one at a time. They fell for my trap. One after another, they went down as my sword pierced their brains. I kept stepping back so the bodies didn't pile up too bad. At the end of the battle, I'd racked up three-hundred experience points.

After wiping my blade clean, I stepped over their bodies and toward the first shop I'd encountered in the dungeon. Even a mid-level magic item would help make my life easier. The door I'd been waiting to see finally came into view. I stopped in front of it, wondering if I had enough gold coins to purchase anything good.

I opened the wooden door and saw a short hallway leading to an open rectangular room. The shopkeeper poked his head through the doorway as I approached. I smiled and raised my hands to show I wasn't holding a weapon. He ducked back inside the shop.

"Stay close," I said as Ralph walked beside me.

I stopped at the doorway and peered through.

"Are you open for business?" I asked.

The shopkeeper stepped over, blocking the doorway. He glared down at Ralph.

"No vermin in my shop," he said.

"Excuse me?"

I looked down at the raccoon then up at the shopkeeper.

"That's no vermin," I said. "He's a family member."

"Really?"

The shopkeeper raised his left eyebrow, dubious of my claim.

"No, not really, but he's a friend. If you don't let him in, you'll not get my business."

"Fine," the man said, stepping aside. "Come in if you have gold. To be honest, I don't get many customers down here."

I stepped into the room, not seeing anyone else. Several long tables contained all sorts of items. Bookshelves, also stuffed, lined all of the walls.

"Can I help you?" the shopkeeper asked in a snooty tone.

"I hope so," I said. "Do you buy and sell?"

"Depends on what you have," he replied.

His long, red robes looked well worn.

"Quite a bit," I said, pulling a trumpet from my sack. "You like this?"

The shopkeeper raised his left eyebrow again.

"A broken trumpet?" he asked.

I put it to my lips and blew. A sad sound came out the other end.

"Okay, it's broken, but you can melt it down, right?"

"I suppose," he said. "I'll give you one gold for it."

"Now we're talking," I said, hoping to offload more dead weight.

"Let me show you the rest of my stuff before I look around and decide what to buy."

"Suit yourself," the shopkeeper said, a tuft of brown, curly hair atop his head.

I took out a bunch of crap I'd been collecting on the last six levels of the dungeon. Broken arrow? He bought it. Twelve bronze apple statues? Sold. Cracked Shield? You bet. At the end of our transactions, I ended up with another twenty gold coins. They brought my total to five-hundred and forty-two. I smiled and walked toward the first table of items.

My mirth faded as I saw the price tag on the first item. Fish bowl: 45 gold. Was it even magical? I glanced over my shoulder and saw the shopkeeper watching me closely. No wonder he doesn't sell anything, I thought as I glanced at the rest of the items on the table; fishing string (45 gold), box of nails (45 gold), monkey skull (45 gold).

The next table held better items, but the prices jumped to 450 gold each. A Longsword (+1/+4/2d8) would've been nice, but for that much coin, I wanted something better. He also had a Dagger (+1/+1/2d4) with the exact same price as the sword. A few non-magical darts also sat on the table looking sad and rejected by many adventurers. His prices made no sense.

I walked to the next table and saw nothing even remotely worth the prices he was asking. On the third table, I saw some magic items of a promising nature. A labeled Potion of Speed, a Ring of Speedy Movement, Bracers of Wisdom, two Scrolls of Recall, a Bag of Holding, and a Wand of Digging with an unknown number of charges.

The only other tables held decorative art items of dubious value. All the high-end magic items had a price of a thousand gold or more, way too much for my meager budget. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the shopkeeper, arms crossed over his chest, watching me closely. This could work, I told myself. If I take the potion then put on the ring...

My mind went into overdrive. If I died, I would start over from the very beginning, but if I succeeded I might have an easier time defeating the first boss on level ten of the dungeon.

"Ralph, I need you to do me a solid. Literally."

"I'm afraid I don't understand," the raccoon said in my mind.

"Go to the front of the shop and poop on the floor."

"Are you being serious or joking with me?"

"Just do it, okay? And be ready to run back to me."

"Okay, Alex, but I've got a bad feeling about this..."

"Me too, Ralph. Me too."

As my raccoon companion leisurely strutted to the front of the shop, I looked down at the table and came up with the perfect order for my next few actions.

"Hey," the shopkeeper yelled. "Your dirty vermin is pooping on my floor."

I grabbed the Potion of Speed and quaffed it down. Energy raced through my virtual body as I next put on the ring. I sped up even more, shoving the rest of the magic items into the bag of holding for sale.

Might as well get the rest of it, I thought as I zoomed to the other tables. The shopkeeper and Ralph both moved in slow motion. After grabbing all the items worth anything, I ran to the back of the room.

"Let's go," I yelled as I zapped the Wand of Digging at the wall.

A yellow beam shot from the thin, crooked stick, tearing a hole into the wall and earth behind it. I smiled as the dust cleared and a smoothly bored tunnel led out.

"Come on, Ralph," I shouted.

I hoped for the best and ran through the newly dug hole in the shop while checking the map on my heads-up display. An alarm bell sounded behind me as I high-tailed it to the end of the tunnel. I checked the map for the closest tunnel then zapped the Wand of Digging again. A penalty popped up in front of me.

Stealing from others is wrong.

-25 alignment points.

Your alignment is currently: 0 (Breaking Bad)

 "Ugh," I sighed.

The new tunnel I created took a sharp right angle, heading back to the main dungeon. I saw Ralph scampering toward me in slow motion—along with the angry shopkeeper. After running to the end of the new tunnel, I zapped the wand again. The tunnel lengthened, but I didn't see a light at the end of it. Had it not reached the room on the map?

I ran to the end. When I zapped the wand again, it sputtered, emitting smoke instead of the strong, yellow beam. Shit. Out of charges. I stuffed the dead wand in my belt. The effects of the potion were wearing off, but I still got a benefit from the ring of speed. I heard a faint sound on the other side of the tunnel. Maybe I can break through?

Not caring about the damage to my sword, I assaulted the dirt wall ahead of me with all my might. After a few swings, I saw light from the other side. Over my shoulder, the slowed down shopkeeper—still yelling in slow motion—got closer. I kept attacking the wall of dirt, making the hole to the next room bigger.

When it was big enough to fit through, I scrambled into the room. Ralph came through a few moments later, still moving in slow motion. I saw a confused red baboon in the room, but I raced right past it on my way to the stairs in the corner of the room.

Come on, Ralphy. You got this, old boy...

After stopping next to the stairs leading down, I spun around. Ralph ran, trying his best to catch up with me. The shopkeeper's screams could barely be heard over the loud ringing sound of the alarm bells. Did the game have guards that would chase me? What had I gotten myself into? As Ralph reached the stairs, I snatched him up then zoomed down the stairs, taking them three steps at a time.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 5 ::::>

There Goes My Recall

The alarms on the level above stopped buzzing and ringing as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

You are on level 7 (-350')

You are a Level 7 Ranger.

You are wanted on level 6.

The Keystone Kops are chasing you.

You feel out of breath.

Ralph rushed down the staircase and into the room behind me.

"Exciting," he gasped between labored breaths. "That was crazy!"

I grinned as I took off the Ring of Speed. Moving fast had disadvantages like sapping all my energy from my body. I needed to rest.

"Not a bad haul, either," I said. "We should get away from the stairs in case they follow us down here. Come on..."

"Good idea," Ralph said. "Aren't you glad I could poop on demand?"

I chuckled as I headed toward the only door. The next room contained a day's worth of rations. I scooped them up then headed out the only other exit, a doorway leading to a long, dark hallway. After igniting a torch, I carried on.

Upon reaching a door at the end of the hall, I heard a gruff voice behind me.

"Halt or I'll shoot!"

I didn't bother turning to see who had yelled. The voice sent chills down my spine which was enough to tell me to run away. An arrow whizzed by as I opened the door and threw myself into the room. Ralph barely made it in after me before I slammed the flimsy wood shut. I pressed my back against the door to hold it closed as best as possible.

"Let me in," a voice boomed. "You're under arrest for theft of property not yours."

"Catch me if you can," I shouted back.

With the Ring of Speed, I could outrun the Keystone Cop, but I didn't want to leave Ralph behind. Carrying him wouldn't work if I wanted to wield my sword and be ready for a fight if we ran into anything else. As the authoritative figure yelled and slammed his fist against the door, an idea hit me. I hoped it would work. We needed to escape.

"Hop in the Bag of Holding, Ralphy," I said.

The keystone Kop continued banging on the other side of the door.

"Hurry up," I added.

"Will I be able to breathe?" my companion asked.

A reasonable question, but I didn't have the answer.

"Sure," I said. "You should be fine. It won't take long to lose this guy."

"Okay, I'll trust you."

The raccoon climbed into the Bag of Holding with the rest of the loot from the shop heist. I took a deep breath, preparing to run, as the banging on the door continued.

"Open up, or I'll break through..."

I put the Ring of Speed back on then sprinted across the room. The door I'd been holding closed burst open as I ran down yet another tunnel connecting two random rooms. I heard the Keystone Kop yelling behind me, his speech slowed. His words slurred like he was drunk. The craziness of the game hit me as I ran at full speed.

Despite the muffled cries from the Bag of Holding, I kept running. I wanted to put as much distance between myself and the authority figure as possible. The loot would be worth all the trouble. After a few rooms, I found a staircase leading to the next level and zipped down without slowing or looking behind me. I quickly reached the bottom.

You are on level 8 (-400')

You are a Level 7 Ranger.

You are speedy.

You are wanted on level 6.

Would the thief mark stay with me the rest of the game? I also wondered if the Keystone Cops on lower levels would come after me for it. So many questions, so little time.

I kept running blindly from room to hallway and back to another room. Not the smartest idea in a roguelike, but I needed to find somewhere quiet to rest up.

The voice of the Keystone Kop had faded away by the time I reached another staircase down, but I still hurried down the stone stairs. Better safe than sorry.

You are on level 9 (-450')

You are a Level 7 Ranger.

You are speedy.

You are wanted on level 6.

The Keystone Kops are chasing you.

 No kidding, I thought. The increasing disparity between my character level and my depth in the dungeon concerned me. Was I powerful enough to survive so deep down? And what would happen when I ran into the boss on level ten? I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, took off the Ring of Speed, and opened the Bag of Holding.

Ralph stumbled out, coughing and gasping for air.

"You almost killed me," he gasped, a foul look on his face.

His beady, red eyes stared into mine.

"I'm sorry," I said. "We had no other choice."

"Maybe don't steal next time," Ralph said. "Do you really need that junk?"

"The Wand of Digging might come in handy," I said defensively.

"If you can recharge it," Ralph said then snorted derisively.

The raccoon was likely right, but I smiled, enjoying the adrenaline rush of stealing from the shop and running down two levels to get away. I never would feel completely safe so deep in the dungeon, but I'd finally lost the Keystone Kop chasing me.

"Keep watch on the stairs," I said as I rooted through the Bag of Holding.

Ralph sighed but faithfully sat near the bottom of the stairs, looking up. I pulled out the Bracers of Wisdom. While not particularly useful for me, I put them on until I found something better for a ranger. My armor class did improve slightly with them on. Every little bit helped in a roguelike, especially the one I found myself playing.

"We got really lucky not running into any monsters while escaping," Ralph said.

"Enough," I snapped. "You're killing my mood."

"Sorry, Alex. I just worry about your decisions in the game."

"It's only a game, Ralphy. Don't get so hung up on everything. We should be safe here for a moment," I said.

A rhinoceros burst through the wooden door across the room right after the words left my mouth. I put the Ring of Speed back on then drew my sword as the out-of-place creature reached me. Ralph ran around and behind it, looking for an opening. I attacked.

Your slash INJURES the rhinoceros for 14 damage.

Your slash WOUNDS the rhinoceros for 19 damage.

The rhinoceros DECIMATES you for 39 damage.

You have [76/114] health.

Your pierce MAULS the rhinoceros for 29 damage.

The rhinoceros is dead!

You get +100 xp

You have [1450/3000] xp

You're working toward Level 8 Ranger

A little better on the experience points, but I need to kill a lot more to level up. The notification changed slightly again too. I looked to the left then right, not seeing the raccoon.

"Where are you?" I asked.

Ralph stick his head out of the Bag of Holding.

"Oh, now it's a safe place to be?" I teased.

The raccoon crawled out of the bag, head hung low.

"You'll be fine," I said. "You're important to me."

As I turned to the rhinoceros carcass, my eyes widened as a dozen grid bugs spilled out of its mouth. They were notoriously wimpy in other games, so why were they showing up on level nine of this dungeon? I stepped backward, toward the stairs, as several dozen more of the six-inch long insects poured out of the dead rhino in slow motion.

Still moving faster than everything else nearby, I grabbed the Bag of Holding and ran around the swarm of clicking insects. Their numbers kept increasing. I hoped Ralph followed as I ran through the busted door on the other side of the room. Rushing through the dungeon to escape a threat could lead to a fast and furious death if I wasn't careful.

I'd already pressed my luck by stealing from the shopkeeper. The Keystone Kop after me wouldn't slow down until he caught me. Would he throw me in prison in the roguelike or kill me? Either way, I didn't want to find out. As I ran into a circular room with a domed roof at least five-hundred feet across, a dozen armored gladiators all glanced over.

The door behind me slammed shut on its own.

"Let me out of here!" Ralph yelled in my mind.

I dropped the Bag of Holding and torch, keeping my sword in my hand. My raccoon companion rushed out of the bag. I stooped down to pick him up as a game notification flashed.

You are hungry.

Wearing the Ring of Speed so long has drained your sustenance.

Not what I need right now.

I kept the Ring of Speed on. My stomach clenched in pain as hunger racked my body, the intensity increased by my heightened metabolism. There's always a catch with good magic, I thought as the warriors made their way toward me. I grabbed the bag of holding and retrieved one of my Scrolls of Recall. Better to use it than have it in a bag and dying, I thought as I read the words.

The world flashes brightly around you.

You are on level 0 (0')

You are very hungry.

You are weak.

I set Ralph on the ground then took off the Ring of Speed.

"Good thinking," the raccoon said, nodding his head.

I reached into the Bag of Holding and grabbed a handful of dry beans. After chewing them up, I swallowed some water to chase them down. The protein hit my body right away, giving me sustenance, but I grabbed another handful of the nasty, dry beans.

"We should see if anyone's in the town now," I said, glancing at the collection of buildings behind us.

At the edge of the town, I noticed people walking about, including several annoyingly drunk men. Two of them walked up to me, singing nonsense, as I hit the main street leading through the town.

"Get away from me," I said.

"You wanna fight?" one of them slurred.

The other drunk put up his fists.

"I'll take you all on," he said as he jabbed the air. "Every one of you."

"You need to back away," I said, drawing my sword.

When they backed up a few steps, I turned and continued toward the general store for supplies. Both drunks followed, laughing and carrying on. I ignored them and entered the shop. As I walked toward the counter in the back, an older man sat up and pointed a finger at me.

"J'accuse. J'accuse. Guards, guards, it's the robber!"

I didn't question his mixed use of French and English, but I still turned and high-tailed out of the building. Three Keystone Kops came out of another building in the center of town.

Ugh. Maybe stealing from the shop wasn't worth it.

"Keep up!" I shouted to Ralph as I ran around the back of the building.

The raccoon and I took off toward the dungeon entrance. At the stairs down, I stopped. The three Keystone Kops, all blowing an irritating whistle, were headed toward us.

"Come on," I said. "We're going back underground."

"Are we ever going to lose them?" Ralph asked.

"We'll find out soon enough," I said. "Let me carry you. I'm high enough level that we should be okay speed running through the first few levels back down to where we recalled out of the dungeon."

"Fine with me," Ralph said.

I scooped him up in my arms then slipped on the Ring of Speed. The whistles got louder as I zipped down the stairs and back into the dungeon. A notification popped up as I ran.

You are hungry.

Wearing the ring of speed so long has drained your sustenance.

"I know," I snapped as I stopped running.

"You should eat something," Ralph said.

I laughed so I wouldn't cry. Roguelikes were like that sometimes. I set Ralph down on the floor of an empty room on the third level of the game. After I finished eating some rations, I got serious about leveling and beating the game.

"We got this," I said, using my tongue to get a sliver of the meat from between my teeth.

"I wish I could wear a Ring of Speed too," Ralph said.

"You know...I wonder if I could wish that ability for you on a deeper level..."

"Anything's possible," Ralph posited.

I liked his enthusiasm. The companion made the roguelike a bit easier to deal with on a psychological level. At least it had up until that point. Who knew what the deeper levels of the dungeon actually held in store for me.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 6 ::::>

The Amulet of Yendro

I kept grinding like a pro until I reached the second boss level. At the bottom of the stairs, I stopped.

You are on level 20 (-1000')

You are a Level 19 Ranger.

Your senses are heightened.

I glanced around the room. As a big boss level, a common theme would soon become apparent. Ralph ran down the stairs, still licking his lips from the Yeti corpse a level up.

"Full finally?" I asked then chuckled.

He nodded his furry head.

"Good," I said. "We've got work to do."

"Do you sense that, Alex?" Ralph asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"The air has more oxygen," he said, sniffing.

I didn't smell anything too weird.

"We'll be fine," I said. "Let's go."

I crossed the room then opened a steel door. The sounds, sights, and smells of a jungle greeted me on the other side. I stared into the thick foliage, looking for threats.

Why the game had dropped a jungle into the middle of a dungeon made no sense, but I could only go along with it.

"Looks safe enough," I said. "Better check equipment before I go in."

I closed the door and pulled up my inventory and equipment screens.

Name: Rinaldo Orange-Steel

Class: Ranger

Level: 19

XP TO LVL: 5,000

Health: 288 hp

Magic: 105 mp

Alignment: -15 (Slightly Evil)

Armor Class: 62 (Well Armored)

Attacks per Round: 2

STR: 95 (+10 damage)

INT: 55

WIS: 85

DEX: 84 (+35% Dodge/Ranged Attacks, +10 AC)

CON: 65

CHA: 57

One-Handed Blades -> Basic Level 5 of 10

Dodge -> Basic Level 3 of 10

Use Magic Items -> Basic Level 5 of 10

Cast Ranger Spells -> Basic Level 4 of 10

Ranged Weapons – Longbow -> Basic level 6 of 10

Languages: Common

You are Carrying:

a) 50' thin, sturdy rope

b) Wand of Lightning [24/45 charges]

c) Lantern (2400 minutes)

d) Bag of Holding

1) Elven Cookies x2 (Made with real elves)

2) Trail Rations x23

3) 232 gold coins

4) 23 assorted gems (24500 gp)

5) Potion of Cure Major Wounds x10

6) Potion of Cure Poison x2

7) Potion of Blindness

8) 12 Point Antlers (100 gp)

9) A moist towel (DRY)

10) Lizard Skull (5 gp)

11) Wand of Digging [1/14 charges]

12) Wand of Destruction [0/0 charges] (DESTROYED)

13) Wand of Polymorph [12/45 charges]

14) Flask of Greek Fire x3

EQUIPPED

Wielding: Shiny Longsword (+20% to hit, +10 damage, 2d8 damage)

Left Finger: Ring of Speedy Movements

Right Finger: Ring of Nourishment

Left Wrist: Bracers of Wisdom

Right Wrist: Bracers of Damage (+10 damage)

Around Neck: Amulet of Yendro (Fake)

Light Source: Lantern

On Body: Elven Chain (AC40 – Armored.)

Shield: Nothing

On Head: Rat Hat (+10 AC)

On Hands: Leather Gloves (+2 AC)

On Feet: Sandals

Ranged Weapon: Longbow

In Quiver: 14 (+0,+0,1d6) Arrows

Still not resistant to anything. Unlike most roguelikes I'd played over the years, the one embedded in the Tower of Gates was somewhat stingy with loot drops. Or had I been looking in the wrong places? I'd only made it down to level twenty of the dungeon.

Ralph brushed up against my leg. I glanced down at him, outfitted in custom leather armor we'd crafted a few levels back. After a lot of running and teleporting ever deeper, we'd managed to lose the Keystone Kops chasing us, at least for the moment.

"The boss is likely in that biodome jungle room," I said. "We'll have to track him."

"You can finally use your ranger skills," Ralph said, pumping his tiny fist into the air.

"We've got to take out the boss on this level quickly," I said. "Are you ready?"

"It'll be good to get back to nature," Ralph said. "Even if it's not real."

"Agreed. You can go ahead and scout if you want. Let me open the door. Once you get inside the biodome, let me know if you see anything," I said. "We don't even know the size of this level. I wish I had a Scroll of Mapping."

"I told you to save one," Ralph said.

"You did," I admitted as I opened the door. "Go on, now. And be stealthy."

The raccoon ran into the underbrush as I stood in the open doorway, wondering if I'd ever make it to the bottom of the dungeon. Could I defeat the Wizard of Yendro at the end? Was Regina doing okay on her own?

"I see a trail," Ralph said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

After so much time, I'd finally become accustomed to hearing him in my mind.

"Great. Follow it, but don't let anyone see you."

"I'm super small. Don't worry about it."

As Ralph scouted the biodome, I took out my two remaining Dark Elven Cookies. My alignment dropped every time I ate one, but the random magical effects had me addicted to them. Well, that and the taste. Made with genuine elf meat, they tasted great too. I popped a cookie into my mouth and chewed, waiting for the game notification message to appear.

You feel STRONGER.

+10 STR Permanently

With a STR of 105, I'll get a +20 damage modifier.

The boss on this level hasn't got a chance.

I ate the final elven cookie.

You feel WEAK.

-10 STR Permanently.

Ugh. I laughed at the randomness.

"Alex, someone's coming. It's so strange..."

"What is it?"

I drew my sword.

"A ranger, and he looks just like you."

Was it a doppelganger? Someone pretending to be me?

"How close are they?"

"Alex, he saw me. Help!"

The sound of fear in my companion's voice spurred me into action. I ran into the thick foliage, pushing past a thick section of foliage and finding a path leading in two directions, each way slightly curving. A way around the entire biodome? Where's Ralph and the other ranger?

"Alex, he's killing me."

The desperation in Ralph's voice hit me. I ran down the path to the left, hoping I was heading in the right direction. A few hundred feet later, I saw a copy of myself stabbing the raccoon. What the hell? I pushed my confusion aside and kept running. The other ranger straightened and turned to face me.

"Ralph? Can you hear me? Are you okay?"

No answer. That ranger would pay dearly if he killed Ralphy.

"Alex, stop," my virtual clone said. "You don't understand what's happening."

I stopped a hundred feet down the path from him, sword still in my hand. He had the exact same sword. Everything looked identical.

"You can't defeat me," he said. "Because I'm you."

"That doesn't make any sense. Who are you?"

"I told you," he said. "I'm you...from the future."

"Get out of here," I said, not believing him.

Unless he was telling the truth?

"Prove it," I said. "You killed my friend, so there's no way you're me."

"That raccoon had it out for you." My clone stepped forward. "Trust me."

Ralph is dead? Anger boiled up inside me.

"If you're me from the future, you'll know who I was dating in the real world before getting stuck in the Tower of Gates."

He had no way to know I was single before getting transported into the Tower of Gates unless he was really me from the future.

"I don't remember," he said. "None of that's important now."

"The outside world will always be more important than this game," I said.

My clone cocked his head to the side, seemingly confused by my words.

"That's right," I said. "You don't even know it's a game. More proof you're not me."

"Die," the imposter yelled then ran forward.

He had the same Ring of Speed and other equipment, leaving me no advantages over him. The fight would come down to luck over skill. While I hated it, I couldn't change it. I swung first. He parried right away, knowing every move before I made it. We quickly came to a stalemate.

Your slash DECIMATES the ranger for 39 damage.

The ranger's slash DEVASTATES you for 46 damage.

You have [202/288] health remaining.

I reached into my Bag of Holding for a healing potion, but my hand touched a wand. Fate? I pulled out my Wand of Polymorph. While dangerous, I didn't have many options left. He matched everything I did. If I morphed him into something else, I might be able to defeat him.

I zapped the wand.

The ranger is transformed...

...into a Hulking Ape!

I stumbled backward as the second big boss transformed into a ten-foot tall creature as wide as a school bus. He grinned, baring his sharp teeth, as he attacked.

The hulking ape MAIMS you for 59 damage.

You have [103/258] health remaining.

You feel the urge to flee.

No kidding, stupid game.

Sword or wand? I decided quickly.

The Hulking Ape is transformed...

...into a Dire Hulking Ape!

Come on! The game's cheating...

I ate the damage another round.

The Dire Hulking Ape MUTILATES you for 63 damage.

You have [40/258] health remaining.

You should consider healing soon.

Frustrated and resigned to starting a new character, I zapped the Wand of Polymorph one more time. The odds were with me.

The Dire Hulking Ape is transformed...

...into a Rat Man!

Once again, all the equipment carried by the mirror version of me changed in size to accommodate the new dimensions.

The rat man ranger stood about half my height but looked twice as menacing with a mouth full of sharp teeth.

Low on health and overly suicidal, I rushed forward and swung my blade.

Your slash DEVASTATES the rat man for 48 damage.

The rat man is dead! (+100 xp)

Combat is Over!

You have [50,100/55,000] xp.

The low experience points from the lower level creature hurt, but I'd survived another boss battle...barely. I looked over at Ralph. His raccoon body laid lifeless at the side of the path, a hole in his side. Would a Potion of Healing work, or did I need a Resurrection spell?

I pulled out the last five of my healing potions, wanting to heal up before anything creeped up on me. They tasted like apple juice and went down easy and smooth. I regained all my health points, but I still felt tired. The game was getting to me on a personal level.

With the boss of the level dead, I doubted any other creatures would cause me a problem. Unless three or more of them ganged up on me. I glanced down at the rat man's body. The Wand of Polymorph had come in handy a few times, but I needed more offensive wands.

The roguelike seductively drew me in deeper as I lusted after more experience, more gold, and more loot. Most importantly, I wanted to get to the final level and defeat the Wizard of Yendro. With his amulet, I would have an easier time in the Tower of Gates.

I stooped down and grabbed the rest of the rat man's loot. Since everything was a duplicate of what I had already, I didn't need to waste any Scrolls of Identify. As I gathered the rest of my doppelganger's items, I heard a popping noise and saw a flashing light.

More mobs? So early after defeating the boss of this level?

I turned toward the noise. Seeing nothing, I walked forward. A hundred feet down the path, I saw a side trail leading to a stone chapel in the center of the biodome. Weapon in hand, I crept down the dirt path toward the building. My heart pumped faster as I approached. At the end of the trail, I climbed three shallow stone steps.

An open doorway gave me a partial view inside a chapel, but I didn't see anything that would've made such a loud noise. I stepped inside, looking around. A tall, figure stood against the far wall. Light escaped from inside a blackened helmet.

Maybe my doppelganger wasn't the final boss?

"You're doing well, Alex," a female voice said.

"Who are you?" I asked, sword raised. "What's going on?"

"It's me, Regina." She laughed. "You probably don't recognize me."

"Something's not right," I said. ""I've found a few books with drawings of the Wizard of Yendro, and you don't look like him at all."

"Why does the Wizard of Yendro have to be male?" she asked.

"He doesn't have to be...but I thought...I mean..."

"Spit it out, Alex."

"Are you here to help me, or what?" I asked. "Can you get us out of here?"

"Maybe," she said. "I have an offer for you."

I lowered my sword slightly but kept it in my hand.

"Go ahead," I said. "I'm listening."

"The roguelike can't be beat," she said.

I stared into the glowing light behind the helmet. Was it really her?

"Nonsense," I said. "Give me enough time, and I'll beat it like every other game I've ever played. You know me."

"Don't be so naïve," she said. "This roguelike and the rest of the Tower of Gates is so much more than you think. My eyes have been opened to the truth. For example, I know what you're thinking right now."

"What am I thinking?" I asked in a snarky tone. "Tell me."

"You think you can win, but you can't," she said.

"Should I just give up, then? Is that what you're telling me?"

"No, Alex. I'm saying there's another way. That's how I became the Wizard of Yendro. If you join me, I'll show you how to become a high-level NPC in the roguelike. We can live in here forever as gods."

"Why would I want that?" I shook my head. "You're not making any sense."

She sighed.

"You're the one not making sense," she said. "It's not a bad life as the most powerful NPC in the roguelike. You might be surprised."

"I can't believe you're talking this way," I said. "We can beat this game. Let's work together and fight the system."

"We can't, Alex. It doesn't work that way."

"You keep saying that, but how do you know?"

I stepped forward.

"Stop," she said. "Don't come any closer unless you're ready to bow."

It was my turn to laugh.

"There's no way I'm bowing to you."

"You should," she said. "There's no other way for you to survive."

"I'll beat this game with or without your help."

She shook her head, the helmet glistening in the light.

"You don't understand," she said. "To win the game, you need to defeat me."

"On the lowest level." I raised my sword. "You can't attack me before then...right?"

She lowered her arm, hand still grasping the visually stunning Amulet of Yendro. With the end-game item in sight, I needed to act fast. My heart raced as I prepared to attack her. A good, old-fashioned surprise might enable me to defeat her and win the game. She wasn't talking like the Regina I knew.

I ran forward, sword raised.

She lifted her arm in front of her, still clutching the amulet.

The Bolt of Wizardry ANNIHILATES you for 498 damage.

You are dead.

Once again, everything went black, including my hope of beating the game.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 7 ::::>

Way of the Samurai

I spawned as an orc samurai. After a super good run, I ended up on level 18 of the dungeon as a level 21 character. While not perfect, it was my best game by far. The encounter with Regina as the Wizard of Yendro still weighed on my mind. She would have to die if I wanted out of the game. There was no way around it.

Tabby, my hairless Siamese cat companion, sat next to my feet. Her purrs reached my ears, putting me at ease. We had two more levels until another big boss. I wondered briefly if it would be another biodome as I walked down the stairs. Tabby followed at her own pace behind me. I readied myself for anything.

You are on level 18

You are a Level 21 Orc Samurai.

You are cursed with random drunkenness.

Oh, yeah. There was that. I'd quaffed an expired fruit juice potion on level 12 or 13. Ever after, I'd been randomly becoming drunk randomly. Almost a blessing more than a curse, but I hoped to find a potion or scroll to remove the effect before the randomness killed me. I didn't want to die and start over again.

Before going anywhere on the new level, I stopped and went over my character sheet, carefully studying every detail. Taking the game slow and steady had helped me succeed with my samurai build, and I didn't want to mess with what was working for me. Starting over again was never fun.

**Name** : Okinaw Orange

**Class** : Samurai

**Race** : Orc

**Level** : 21

**XP** : 69,500

**XP TO LVL** : 5500

**Health** : 442 hp

**Magic** : NA

**Alignment** : 75 (Morally Sound)

**Armor Class** : 54 (Moderately Well Armored)

**Attacks per Round** : 2

**STR** : 90 |  **INT** : 70 |  **WIS** : 77

**DEX** : 82 |  **CON** : 95 |  **CHA** : 77

**SKILLS** :

One-Handed Blades -> Basic Level 7 of 10

Dodge -> Basic Level 5 of 10

Use Magic Items -> Basic Level 4 of 10

Ranged Weapons – Crossbow -> Basic level 6 of 10

Languages: Common, Orc

**INVENTORY:**

**  
**

a) Canteen – [32/48 ounces]

b) Wand of Fire Bolt [21/145 charges]

c) Bullseye Lantern (2130 minutes)

d) Backpack of Storing

1) 2232 gold coins

2) Trail Rations x13

3) Loaf of Bread x8

4) Silver Spoon x12

5) Potion of Cure Major Wounds x40

6) Potion of Cure Poison x12

7) Potion of Blindness

8) Potion of Cure Blindness x2

9) Arrows of Reptile Slaying x50 (+10%,+2,1d8)

10) Wand of Curious Words [1/14 charges]

11) Wand of Digging [7/14 charges]

12) Blessed Hat of Poison Resistance (+10 AC)

13) Rod of Cancellation [1/14 charges]

14) Flask of Greek Fire x3

**EQUIPPED**

**Wielding** : Blessed Katana (+40% to hit, +15 damage, 2d10 damage)

**Left Finger** : Ring of Feather Falling

**Right Finger** : Ring of Acrobatics

**Left Wrist** : Bracers of Damage (+10 damage)

**Right Wrist** : Bracers of Damage (+10 damage)

**Around Neck** : Pearl Necklace of Wisdom (+5 WIS)

**Light Source** : Bullseye Lantern

**On Body** : Advanced Leather (AC30 – Sort of Armored.)

**Shield** : Nothing

**On Head** : Green Beret (+15 AC)

**On Hands** : Leather Gloves (+5 AC)

**On Feet** : Sandals

**Ranged Weapon** : Crossbow

**In Quiver** : 24 (+5%,+5,1d8) Bolts

"All these levels look the same," Tabby said.

"They're getting tougher," I replied, looking around. "We should keep moving."

I crossed the room, listening at one of the two doors. Nothing. I moved to the other door across the room and listened. Again, nothing. I turned the handle. A hallway on the other side stretched out a few hundred feet before ending at a T-intersection. Katana in one hand and lantern in the other, I crept forward.

Tabby yawned somewhere behind me.

"Quiet," I hissed.

"You're being louder than me," she replied.

She had a point. I walked forward, eyes and ears open for anything that might be dangerous. At the end of the hall, I stopped and read a sign on the wall in front of me. One arrow pointed to the left with an unknown word under it. Another arrow pointed down the other hallway leading off into the distance, once again with a word I couldn't read.

I sighed, wondering which way I should go. One wrong move could change the whole course of the game. I didn't want to end back at the beginning again. YASD be damned!

"Do you want me to translate?" Tabby asked. "It looks like dwarven."

I stared down at the ugliest cat in the history of felines.

"You can read dwarven?" I asked.

"Long story, but yeah, I recognize the script. To the left is Dwarven Valhalla, a supposedly secret level. And to our right is the safest way off this level."

"You're something else," I said, shaking my head. "We should definitely hit up Dwarven Valhalla. Let's go."

"Hold on a minute," she said. "It's too dangerous. We shouldn't get distracted."

"You worry too much," I said.

"Or maybe you don't worry enough."

"Maybe, but this is my strongest character yet. We're going to make it all the way to the end if Regina doesn't cheat and attack us early."

I hadn't seen her in the role of the Wizard of Yendro since she killed me in the biodome on dungeon level twenty of my run as a ranger character. If and when she appeared, I'd deal with her. Until then, I needed to keep power leveling and finding the most epic loot available.

"We need better equipment," I said. "We're going to Dwarven Valhalla."

Tabby sighed then stood, her tail sticking straight up in the air.

"Fine," she said. "Let's get it over with already."

As we walked down the left hallway, I wondered about the new zone. Would it be full of Viking dwarves? Or dwarven Vikings? Maybe neither? Only one way to find out. I kept moving forward, sword and back-up wand at the ready.

The hallway ended at a round, stone door. Strange runes had been carved into the rock in an arch over the top. I examined the mysterious letters.

"Can you read it?" I asked.

"No," Tabby said. "It's an unknown language. We should leave."

"Live a little," I said, reaching for the brass handle of the massive door.

I struggled, but it opened inward with a grinding sound. On the other side, I saw a tunnel carved from stone leading off into the distance. Torches in sconces lined either side.

"At least it's lit," I said as I turned off the lantern then stuffed it in my Runed Backpack of Holding. "Do you hear music? And laughing?"

"Have you not seen the size of my ears?" Tabby asked with a bit of extra snark. "It's a celebration in Valhalla. Big surprise. We should go."

I brushed her brashness aside and took a few tentative steps forward. The smoothly polished floor, walls, and ceiling looked different than the rest of the dungeon somehow. Maybe Tabby's right, and we should go.

"Come on," my cat companion said, surprising me as she strutted forward like she owned the entire dungeon. "I smell catnip nearby."

I grinned. On the very first level of the dungeon, I'd discovered my feline companion's obsession with catnip. She'd led us on a few side-quests in search of it.

"Slow down, Tabby. We need to be smart," I said, switching to mind-speak.

"You need to hurry up," she replied. "There's definitely catnip."

I sighed, ready to ditch the cat and go off on my own. The tunnel intersected with yet another. Tabby followed the voices. Is that singing? Viking war chants? Intrigued, I followed the hairless Siamese cat deeper into Dwarven Valhalla.

As we reached the end of the tunnel, I saw a wide-open space at the end, a grand hall with ceilings thirty-feet high. My eyes and mind struggled to take in all the sensory data. The difference from the rest of the dungeon struck me again.

"I'll be back," Tabby said as she pranced across the room.

What's she doing? I wondered as I stopped at the entrance. Several dozen dwarves with as many different skin tones stood around, casually talking to each other while dressed in full battle gear. I watched Tabby high-step across the beautiful mosaic tiled floor toward the far side of the room.

"Hey, It's a rat," a dwarf with a yellow mohawk and reddish-brown skin said.

He stood then threw a hatchet at Tabby. Though old and grouchy, she could move when necessary. I watched as she leaped into the air, dodging the axe completely, then continued walking as if nothing had happened.

Several other dwarves burst into laughter as the one who'd thrown the weapon became enraged. As he stomped across the floor and fetched his hatchet, I stepped forward.

"Hello," I shouted, my voice echoing in the vast hall carved from stone.

The laughing stopped as everyone turned their attention to me. A couple of the dwarves readied their weapons, but none of them stepped forward. I put my sword away.

"Not looking for trouble," I said, raising my hands. "My cat ran off. I'll get her, and we'll be on our way."

The dwarves looked at one another then burst into another round of laughter. I lowered my arms as a thin, tan-skinned dwarf with dark brown hair walked over. She smiled, raising a hand in greeting. Her beard went down to her knees. I kept my eyes on hers.

"Hello," I said again. "Sorry to barge in, but my pet smelled catnip, and, well, you know felines and their catnip."

"I do," she said. "Don't worry about it. Here at Valhalla, we don't rush into killing our prey. Besides, dwarves like me would storm the toughest fort for fresh ale, so I understand the strong desire for catnip and other such delicacies in life."

She smiled, stroking her beard. I couldn't tell if she was being serious or not.

"What brings you to Valhalla?" she asked.

This is so unlike any roguelike game I've ever played.

"Catnip," I said. "Remember?"

"No, I mean, what really brings you here? Looking for a piece of armor or a weapon from one of us. Looks like you use a sword. We're not big on swords. Have you been in the roguelike long?"

"I didn't come to loot," I said defensively. "Wait, are you a player?"

She smiled and nodded while asking, "Aren't we all in some way?"

"Don't listen to her, she's nuts!" another dwarf shouted.

The female dwarf raised her jewel-encrusted battle-axe with both hands.

"Whoa," I said, backing up. "Hold on a minute."

"Don't worry boys," she yelled. "I've got this one."

Yelling like a maniac, she rushed forward.

I dodged to the left, causing her to miss.

She grinned as I pulled my sword.

"That's the spirit," she said. "Come to steal all our beautiful dwarven treasures, have you? Time for you to start over from the beginning!"

She screamed and rushed forward, swinging her thick, heavy axe.

Astrid DECIMATES you for 40 damage.

You have [402/442] health remaining.

Good thing I'm a bit of a tank this time.

I battled her as the other dwarves ignored us completely.

Your slash MAULS Astrid for 29 damage.

Your slash DECIMATES Astrid for 37 damage.

Astrid DEVASTATES you for 45 damage.

You have [357/442] health remaining.

Your pierce WOUNDS Astrid for 18 damage.

Your slash DEVASTATES Astrid for 44 damage.

Astrid MAIMS you for 50 damage.

You have [307/442] health remaining.

Your slash INJURES Astrid for 14 damage.

Your slash DECIMATES Astrid for 32 damage.

Astrid is dead!

Combat is Over!

You get +2,000 xp.

You have [71,500/75,000] xp

Breathing heavy, I turned to the center of the great hall. The other dwarves were still drinking, talking, and acting like nothing was going on.

"It's weird, huh?" Tabby asked as she strolled up. "Strange place, man. I told you we shouldn't come to this area of the dungeon."

"What do you know that you're not telling me?" I asked.

"Nothing, Alex. I've got some catnip now. We should go."

"I just killed a dwarf, and nobody seems to care!" I shouted.

The rest of the room went silent. I looked up and saw all the other dwarves staring in my direction. Adrenaline rushed through my body. Could I take all of them at once? I crouched, ready to battle. Tabby snickered. Something about a snickering cat is unsettling to everyone nearby. One of the other dwarves, both hands raised, stepped forward.

"Well met," he said as he walked closer. "I see you've taken out Astrid. No one really liked her, so it's all good."

"Are you sure?" I asked, keeping my sword up.

"Yeah," he said, stopping. "You're new to the roguelike, aren't you? I bet your companion told you to stay away from this part of the dungeon."

He grinned, his pale skin contrasting with his braided red hair.

"Yeah," I said, glancing down at Tabby.

"We've got doozies of stories of about some of the worst companions," he said then chuckled. "A hairless cat craving catnip is nothing. You've got it eas, kid. I bet you've only played a couple dozen characters, right?"

"A few," I said, straightening my posture.

Over his shoulder, I saw Astrid running back into the great hall.

"I'll kill you, newbie!" she screamed.

"Whoa," I said. "She was dead. Doesn't she have to start over at the beginning?"

"Custom respawn," the ginger dwarf replied. "We've hacked the code a bit to make sure we don't have to start over at the beginning every time. Valhalla is a special place.I bet you're already scared out of your mind. How many times have you played so far?"

"Only a handful," I admitted.

"That explains it," he said.

Smiling, he turned and said, "Calm down, Astrid."

The female dwarf lowered her battle-axe and slowed, stopping a few feet away.

"Well met," she said, nodding her head at me. "Good fight. What's your name?"

"Alex," I said. "You meant my real name, right?"

"Not really, but you can tell a lot about a player by how they answer that question," she said.

I nodded.

"Sorry about killing you earlier. My instincts kicked in, and, well..."

"Don't worry about it," she said, smiling and stroking her long, thick beard. "We've conquered death here in the roguelike. That's why we're staying in here."

"She likes you," the red-haired dwarf said. "My name's Alfie."

"Nice to meet both of you." I put my sword away. "What is this place exactly?"

I glanced around, once again admiring the workmanship.

"Dwarven Valhalla!" Alfie said in a thunderous voice.

"Valhalla forever!" the others in the background shouted.

I turned to Astrid as she started talking.

"The game's rigged, and we're never going to get out, so we built this place inside the roguelike. Everyone except the Wizard of Yendro can enter Valhalla and chill. The AI for the roguelike is a bit more primitive, so we've been able to do a lot to keep it out."

"I'll be winning the game and getting out," I said.

Alfie and Astrid both laughed.

"Good luck with that one," he said.

Astrid frowned and turned to look at him.

"Leave him alone," she said. "You were the same way when you first came in here."

"She's right," another dwarf said as he walked up.

His fair blond hair contrasted with his dark blue skin.

"Do you have news of the game outside of the roguelike?" he asked, stopping beside Alfie. "Name's Borg, by the way."

"He's obsessed with getting out of the Tower of Gates," Astrid said.

"Aren't we all?" Alfie replied.

"We should all be that way," I said. "We need to find a way out. Staying here in the roguelike doesn't help anyone."

"There's not even a way out of this roguelike, let alone the Tower of Gates" Borg said. "Did you know there's now more levels on the bottom of the dungeon? The damn thing keeps expanding."

"I've not made it down that far," I admitted.

"He's not the brightest person I've ever met," Tabby said.

"Go get some more catnip," I snapped.

She slowly turned and did just that as if it was her idea all along.

"You've got a good companion," Astrid said while watching Tabby walk away. "I turned that feature off when it started getting weird."

"Wait, you can turn the companion feature off?" I asked.

Astrid smiled and nodded.

"What's the news on finding a way out of the Tower of Gates?" Borg asked. "We don't know exactly how long we've been in here because time is such a wibbly-wobbly thing, but is there any news about getting out?"

"No one's found a way out of the Tower of Gates yet," I said. "but that doesn't mean we won't find one."

Borg hung his head, staring at the random mosaic pattern on the floor.

"We heard a rumor some new kid is in the game accidentally," he said. "He's a kid of one of the designers or something, and I thought be might've found a way out."

"I've heard of them, but I haven't run into them personally," I said. "Getting back out of the roguelike is my priority now."

"How did you find this place, anyway?" Alfie asked, raising an eyebrow. "We thought we'd hidden it from the roguelike AI, but if random new players are finding it, something must be wrong."

"Yeah," Astrid added. "We hid the entrance well."

"It just showed up," I said, shrugging. "Wasn't hard to find at all."

Alfie turned to Borg. The older dwarf frowned.

"You need to go," Astrid said. "The AI is using you to find us."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

Alfie pushed me toward the hallway leading to the massive door I had entered through.

"No time to explain," he said. "You need to leave."

"Hold on," another dwarf said, walking over with a war hammer.

"We call this Thor's Hammer," he said then smiled as he presented it. "The original Thor, not the comic book one."

"You can't give him that yet," Borg snapped. "It's not been thoroughly tested yet."

"A little field-testing will be good," the new dwarf said. "Here, take it."

I took the war hammer. The weapon felt light in my hands.

You get Thor's Hammer of Lightning

 "Does it shoot lightning?" I asked.

"Yes," Borg said. "You need to go. Now."

"Look up the stats," the new dwarf said as Alfie pushed me toward the entrance of the great hall.

"Follow the tunnel until you get back to the main dungeon," Alfie said. "Hurry up."

"I'm going," I said. "Stop pushing me."

Alfie ran around to my front and grabbed my hand, pulling me.

"Better?" he asked in a sarcastic tone. "We need to get you out of here..."

He stopped at the massive door at the end of the hallway.

"Don't dally, and don't look back," he said. "We need to move Valhalla. Don't bother trying to find us. We'll come out of the roguelike when we feel like it. Until then, we've got a huge world of our own we've built."

I cocked my head to the side, confused as ever.

"No time to explain," Alfie said. "Good to meet you. And good luck on your mission."

He broke into laughter as he waved. I walked down the tunnel leading back to the main dungeon. Tabby ran past me. I'd never seen her move so fast.

"Hurry, Alex," she yelled, pulling even further away.

I ran after the hairless cat. When I reached the end of the Valhalla zone, a loud boom in the distance shook the entire dungeon.

"That doesn't sound good," I said.

"Come on." Tabby ran back to the normal section of level eighteen. "We need to go."

"I'm going as fast as I can," I said between labored breaths.

We reached the non-dwarven dungeon just in time. Another loud popping noise thundered through the room we were in. The tunnel to Dwarven Valhalla disappeared.

I put a hand on a knee, leaning over to catch my breath. Thor's Hammer of Lightning, I thought as I examined the weapon more closely.

It was a nice find that would help me get past level twenty and beyond. The others might not have defeated the dungeon, but I would.

An epic weapon would help. I looked up the stats.

Thor's Hammer of Lightning (+80%,+20,3d30) – Shoots chain lightning 3x day.

"You're not invulnerable now," Tabby said.

The cat was right, but I felt that way as I stood up straight, smiling.

"I know that look." Tabby shook her hairless head. "You're going to get us killed."

"Not until we kill the Wizard of Yendro," I said.

Possibly my friend or not, I wanted to beat the roguelike and return to the Tower of Gates. This orc samurai run was the one—the character who would allow me to beat her. I was sure of it.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 8 ::::>

Master of Min / Max

You are on level 20 (-1000')

You are a Level 21 Orc Samurai.

You are levitating in the air. How is the weather up there?

You feel good.

I smiled as I reached the bottom of the stairs. Boss killing time.

Tabby sauntered down after me, a look of displeasure on her face.

"It's so cold down here," she complained. "I've got a bad feeling about this level."

"You're just mad you're out of catnip." I said then smirked.

Her dark outlook on life made it easier for me to stay positive somehow. My smile faded as I concentrated on the dark, dank tunnel leading away from the staircase. I was ready to run back up the stairs if I encountered anything. Some players frowned on stair-dancing, but if it kept you alive for another level, why not use the tactic? The empty tunnel stretched off into the distance.

"Use a Scroll of Mapping," Tabby said.

"Give me a minute."

I pulled one of the two remaining map scrolls out of my backpack.

The memory of the map is yanked from your brain.

Huh? The map on my heads-up display didn't fill in.

"That's weird," I said. "No map."

"It's a maze level," Tabby said. "And you know what that means."

"Minotaur?"

"Probably," she said. "but I'm more concerned with the lack of catnip on this level."

I rolled my eyes at the hairless yet pretentious feline. My trusty companion.

"Whatever we face, it's bound to be tough. Regina better not show up to stop us."

"Maybe she wants to keep you from getting lower in the dungeon," Tabby said.

"No kidding," I said. "Keep your eyes open."

I stepped forward, my new Goggles of Night Vision working well in the dark tunnel. With three chain lightning shots ready from Thor's Hammer, I felt invincible.

You notice a loaf of bread missing.

"What?"

I looked around.

"Uh oh," Tabby said. "A nymph will steal everything, even the crown from your head and the hammer from your hands."

"Why couldn't we get an easy minotaur?" I muttered.

"Maybe we'll face both." Tabby sauntered forward. "We should keep going."

"How did she steal that out of my backpack so quickly?"

"They're good thieves, Alex. Keep your eyes open."

"Maybe it's the night vision glasses."

I took them off and rummaged in my backpack.

You notice your bullseye lantern is missing.

"Aw, come on," I sighed then put the glasses back on.

I jogged forward to catch up with Tabby. She turned left at the first T-intersection of the maze. The dark stone walls of the hall reminded me of a bad sci-fi movie set.

"Do you know where you're going?" I asked.

"No more than you do," she replied, still walking.

"I wonder if the nymph will get anything else."

You notice a silver spoon missing.

I whirled around, seeing nothing but tunnel.

"Wait up," I said.

Tabby had already disappeared by the time I turned again.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty," I whispered even though she hated it.

I heard a roar then a meow a moment later. Tabby came tearing by me

"Run!" she screamed, her voice fading into the distance as she bolted in the opposite direction.

I ran back toward the stairs, wondering what was going on.

When I reached the staircase, I saw her sitting five steps up.

"Are you okay?" I asked, stopping. "What's wrong?"

I glanced over my shoulder.

"Saw a dog with a bull's head," she said. "Weirdest thing I've ever seen. I think we should go back to the town outside of the dungeon for a while. Things are getting strange."

You notice a silver spoon missing.

I turned, hammer in hand, and saw nothing in the tunnel.

"Come on," I said. "We've got to stop that nymph."

Tabby reluctantly followed as I moved back down the tunnel. I heard the bull-headed dog creature my companion had run from. Hammer raised, I kept walking.

A tiny minotaur-dog rushed down the passage toward me, yapping the entire way. Tabby retreated behind me as I attacked, intent on doing mad physical damage.

Your blow MUTILATES the mino-dog for 65 damage.

Your blow MAIMS the mino-dog for 55 damage.

The mino-dog yelps and runs away.

I pulled my crossbow and shot a couple bolts, but both missed as the creature continued running. With the damage it took before running, I could guess at its total health. I ran after it. After a few hundred feet of hallway, I stopped to check on Tabby. She sauntered a few feet behind me then stopped.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I've got a bad feeling about this place," she said. "More than normal."

"You always say that. Come on, let's try to find the stairs down to the next level."

You notice a silver spoon missing.

"Cut it out!" I yelled. "I almost had the whole set of those!"

As I turned around, getting dizzy, I still saw no sign of the nymph.

"Where is it?" I asked.

The walls shifted, blocking the way we'd come.

"Uh oh," Tabby said. "I told you this is a bad place."

"Save it for later." I said, walking forward. "Tagging the walls won't work if they're shifting, so we should keep moving. I see why the map scroll didn't work. That must be the puzzle of this entire level."

I gripped the leather handle of Thor's Hammer of Lightning as I walked down a hallway. A wall shifted, and the mino-dog appeared. It yapped and rushed forward, surprising me and getting the first attack in.

The mino-dog DISEMBOWELS you for 110 damage.

You have [332/442] health remaining.

Your slash MUTILATES the mino-dog for 98 damage.

The mino-dog is dead! (+1000 xp)

You have [73,500/75,000] xp.

Wow. Little dog has a big bite. I'm a bit closer to leveling. The extra health will come in handy. I quaffed two potions to heal.

You feel better.

You have [394/442] health remaining.

You feel better.

You have [442/442] health remaining.

I stared down at the mino-dog corpse. Should I take off the bull-horns? Could they be fashioned into a weapon or magic item somehow?

You notice your Ring of Acrobatics missing.

Off my finger? And I didn't see her? Come on! This is cheating!

I screamed a stream of profanities in frustration then ran forward, intent on finding the nymph and taking her out. Maybe I'd get lucky and find my items. The spoons were one thing, but she shouldn't have messed with my magic.

Tabby followed, running along behind me. At the next intersection, I turned left, then right a few feet down that tunnel. All the walls looked the same. Was I going in the right direction? I noticed a bright light at the end of the tunnel and stopped. After taking off my glasses, I stepped forward slowly, hammer raised. I saw an open room at the end of the twisty passage.

When I reached the massive cavern, a bulltaur galloped away from a throne on a raised dais against the far wall. The creature had the body of a bull and the chest and head of a man.

"That's one messed up centaur," Tabby said.

"Be quiet," I hissed, hoping for diplomacy.

The bulltaur stopped a few hundred feet away, a crossbow leveled at me.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

I nodded my head toward the nymph sitting on the throne.

"She stole my spoons. I don't care about them, but I want my ring back."

The words sounded crazy coming out of my mouth.

"Are you accusing my wife of being a thief?" the bulltaur asked.

"Put the crossbow down," I said. "Be reasonable?"

"Or what?" the bulltaur demanded then snorted loudly.

"I'll come over there and bash it out of your hands," I said.

"Come and try," he said, not lowering his weapon.

I ran forward and leaped into the air. Even without the Ring of Acrobatics, my jump skills were through the roof. The bulltaur shot two bolts. Both missed.

That's a nice repeating crossbow, I noted as I landed on the ground in front of him.

Hammer, meet bulltaur.

Your blow DISEMBOWELS the bulltaur for 101 damage.

Your blow DEVASTATES the bulltaur for 45 damage.

Two more bolts shot out of the crossbow, hitting me in the shoulder.

The bulltaur MAULS you for 24 damage.

The bulltaur DECIMATES you for 34 damage.

You have [384/442] health remaining.

He stepped backward, his hooves clicking on the stone tiles of the throne room. As I followed and attacked, he pulled out two massive broadswords.

Your blow MISSES the bulltaur.

Your blow MAIMS the bulltaur for 56 damage.

The bulltaur is badly bruised.

The bulltaur MUTILATES you for 67 damage.

The bulltaur EVISCERATES you for 145 damage.

You have [172/442] health remaining.

Your blow MAIMS the bulltaur for 59 damage.

Your blow DEVASTATES the bulltaur for 48 damage.

The bulltaur is dead! (+2000 xp)

You have [75,500/75,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

You gain +34 health.

You gain +3 stat points.

You gain +2 skill points.

That was an easy boss, I thought as the bulltaur's legs buckled underneath him. As he fell to the floor of the stone room, I looked over at the throne. No nymph.

You notice your Ring of Feather Falling missing.

"Enough," I yelled. "Show yourself, nymph!."

I heard a feminine giggle somewhere nearby but saw nothing.

"You can't win, foolish man-human."

I ran toward the source of the voice, but she'd moved away.

"Over here, big guy," she teased. "Why do you assume the big burly man-bull is the boss of the maze?"

"It's how things usually happen," I said, scanning the room.

You notice a silver spoon missing.

"These are nice," she said. "I want them all."

How am I going to stop her?

"Remember me?" Tabby asked in my mind. "Don't think I can help?"

Tell me what to do. What's your bright idea?

"First, I'd take some catnip..."

"Stop!" I shouted.

You notice a silver spoon missing.

"At least she hasn't stolen your hammer."

That's it. I held the hammer out and spun, shooting off all three chain lightning spells. One hit the nymph, causing her to flicker into view. Her body shook before she hit the floor.

"Take that," Tabby said, staying far away.

I stepped toward the still shaking body. She sat up, a nasty look on her face.

"You," she said, pointing toward me, "are going to die!"

As she stood, I rushed forward, not giving her a chance to disappear again.

Your blow MAULS the nymph for 23 damage.

Your blow DECIMATES the nymph for 34 damage.

Wow. That's an amazing armor class for only having on a thin, black nightgown.

I pushed aside the question of whether I'd wear such an item for the improved armor class despite looking ridiculous in it. My mind needed to be on the battle in front of me.

The nymph grabbed a jewel encrusted rod out of a sack at her side. It glowed bright orange briefly then shot a golden bolt of energy at me. The magic hit me dead-on.

The Golden Death DISEMBOWELS you for 112 damage.

You have [60/476] health remaining.

I grabbed two potions of Cure Major Wounds, drinking both at the same time.

You feel better.

You have [152/476] health remaining.

You feel better.

You have [242/476] health remaining.

Not perfect, but I'd have to chance it if I wanted to get an attack in.

Your slash MAULS the nymph for 24 damage.

Your pierce INJURES the nymph for 12 damage.

The nymph is not concerned.

She zapped the wand again.

The Golden Death MUTILATES you for 74 damage.

You have [168/476] health remaining.

I saw no cover nearby, so I used a round to quaff two more healing potions.

You feel better.

You have [259/476] health remaining.

You feel better.

You have [332/476] health remaining.

Not shabby, but I only had two of the healing potions left.

"At least the Wizard of Yendro hasn't shown up this time," Tabby said.

"Not now," I hissed.

The nymph tilted her head.

"I'm going to steal your cat," she said.

"Please do."

"Alex..."

I swung the hammer twice, hitting both times.

CRITICAL HIT!

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the nymph for 124 damage.

Your pierce MAULS the nymph for 27 damage.

The nymph is knocked down by the force of your blow.

The nymph appears ready to die.

Before I could finish her off, Tabby ran forward, growled in a tone I'd never heard before, then scratched the nymph's face with her claws.

The nymph is dead (+2000 xp).

Combat is Over!

You have [77,500/85,000] xp.

"She has catnip in her bag!" Tabby exclaimed. "I call dibs on it."

"Have at it," I said, stepping toward the nymph's corpse.

The Bag of Holding at her side contained all sorts of interesting items—and three ounces of catnip.

You get Wand of Tumbling [0/24] charges.

You get Wand of Light [100/200] charges.

You get Wand of Fire & Fury [34/134] charges.

You get 14,234 gold.

You get a biscuit.

You get a yellow bow.

You get 5 silver spoons.

You get a loaf of bread.

You get a bullseye lantern.

You get a Ring of Feather Falling.

You get a Ring of Acrobatics.

You get a Ring of Rings x2.

I stopped and used an identify scroll on that last ring.

Ring of Rings

With this ring, you can wear and use the effects of two more rings on the same hand. This effect is stackable.

Nice. I can wear six rings at the same time now. Anything else?

I reached down to the bottom of the bag and grabbed another handful of rings.

You get a Ring of Teleport Control

You get a Ring of Minor Poison Resistance

You get a Ring of Minor Fire Resistance

 Tabby purred as she broke into the catnip.

"Come on," I said. "We've got to keep moving."

I searched the rest of the level, finding nothing of interest. A few random ogre fighters and a bugbear popped up, but they weren't anything I couldn't handle.

Tabby, dazed and confused, followed along, enjoying every moment. I picked up another fifty-three gold. More importantly, I found a stash of healing potions.

I'd used more than I wanted to in the battle with the bulltaur and the nymph. An entire case of twelve neatly packed inside a box made would help keep me going.

"We've got this," I said. "This is going to help."

Tabby meowed then purred loudly.

"Let's go," I said. "We've got levels to clear."

"Right behind you," Tabby said then walked in the opposite direction.

"This way," I said.

She stopped then turned.

I headed toward the down staircase to level twenty-one of the dungeon.

Time to grind some levels.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 9 ::::>

Gnome Impersonator

You are on level 34 (-1700')

You are a Level 35 Orc Samurai.

Welcome to Thunderbone.

Huh? I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared out into the vast cavern. The game had fit an entire city on the level somehow. I stared, slack jawed and amazed.

"Alex!" Tabby yelled, alarmed. "Run!"

I booked back up the stairs to level thirty-three.

"What was it?" I asked.

"Not sure," Tabby said. "A guard, I think."

"You know what you need to do, right?" I asked.

She sighed then said, "Yes."

"The stairs down to the next level have to be somewhere in the city. Besides, we need to stock up on supplies."

"You're right," she relented.

"I'm going to disguise myself. We'll be okay. I don't want to end up like those dwarves hiding out in Valhalla. We need to keep moving forward."

I pulled the Scroll of Disguise out of the Bag of Holding at my side.

"Don't you dare laugh," I said as I unfurled the parchment.

We both knew what would happen when I read it.

Tabby snickered.

"I'd never laugh," she said then giggled again.

I read the scroll. As expected, my appearance changed into that of a female gnome.

"Quit laughing!" I snapped.

"Your voice," Tabby said then burst into laughter, rolling around.

"Knock it off," I said. "The guards will hear you."

"Whatever," she said, quieting down. "They're not coming up here, but you're safe to go in the city now, I guess."

"This is ridiculous," I said.

"But so funny..."

I shook my head then went back down the stairs. The city of Thunderbone spread out before me. Awestruck, I headed down the main road. Shops lined both side of the road.

"There's a magic shop, but they look expensive," I said.

"You say that about all the shops," Tabby said. "You just want to steal again."

"Quiet..."

I glanced around to make sure no one had heard her. Various NPCs walked around, going about their business as if their lives were real.

"We need to find a map," I muttered.

"Did you say map?" a man behind me asked.

I turned and saw a tall human with a bunch of rolled up parchments under his left arm.

"Maybe," I said. "What do you have?"

"Well, ma'am..."

Tabby burst into laughter.

"Is your cat okay?" the man asked.

"She's fine," I said. "Catnip withdrawal."

"I know where you can buy some of that too," he said.

Tabby stood on all four feet and meowed plaintively.

"What kind of maps do you have?" I asked.

All roguelikes were procedurally generated, but he might have something useful.

"I have all kinds of maps," he said.

"Like what?" I asked impatiently.

"A map of Thunderbone. That's popular."

"Not interested," I said. "Thanks anyway."

"Wait," the man said. "I have another map, a special one."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he said. "It's to a secret graveyard."

"No thanks," I said. "Let's go, Tabby."

"You're not interested in ghosts and the treasures they have?" the man asked.

Was he selling a map to player character ghosts?

"Go on," I said.

"The graveyard is full of ghosts of other adventurers like you."

I smiled at the thought of getting some of my old character's equipment. Even better, what if I found items from an even higher-level player?

"How much for the map?" I asked.

"Only a million gold," the man said.

I laughed, shaking my head.

"Not going to happen," I said. "Even if I had that much gold on me."

"What about the catnip?" Tabby asked.

"I'll throw in the catnip free if you buy the map," the man offered.

"Let me see the map," I said, holding out a hand.

He unfurled one of the parchments. I saw a detailed hand-drawn map of a long, winding tunnel that led to a cavern marked up with a bunch of tombstones.

"That doesn't even show how to get there," I said. "No deal."

"It's not a perfect map, but when you get close, the paper will glow."

"Sure..." I said, not believing him for a moment. "Go con someone else."

"Test it," the man said.

"If I waste a Scroll of Identify on it, I want that included in the price."

"Fine," the man said, "but hurry up."

He nervously glanced around.

I read the Scroll of Identify. The map glowed.

Unique Item: Map to Graveyard

This magical map will show you the location of The Graveyard somewhere between level thirty-five and level forty of the dungeon.

When within 100' of the tunnel leading to The Graveyard, the map will glow. It will get brighter the closer you are to the entrance.

"Well?" the man asked.

"I'll take it, but you need to give me time to sell some items," I said.

The man smiled.

"What items? Maybe we can trade."

"Do you have somewhere we can go?" I asked.

"Of course," he said. "Follow me."

He turned then headed down a nearby alley. I started removing items from my new Bag of Holding as I walked. The man's eyes lit up as he saw some of the items I took out. We stopped at the end of a dark alley.

"I'll take it all and the backpack," the man said.

"And we get the catnip?" Tabby asked.

The man nodded, a smile etched on his dirt-covered face.

"All the catnip you want," he said.

I laughed. "She can go through a lot of it."

"You can have all of it," the man said. "Do we have a deal?"

I took a deep breath. Chasing a player ghost wouldn't be easy, but it might equip me well enough to reach the last level of the dungeon. Was it worth all the random treasure?

"Deal," I said.

The man passed me the map as I dropped the Bag of Holding. Most of my good stuff was in my backpack anyway.

"Pleasure doing business with you," the man said.

I unrolled the map as he packed up the items I'd taken out.

"What about the catnip?" Tabby asked.

"Follow me," the man said then hefted the Bag of Holding over a shoulder.

He continued down the alley. I rolled up the map then followed after him and Tabby. Her catnip addiction would get us in trouble eventually.

* * * * *

"Thanks again," I said to the man when we reached his home on the edge of the city. "For everything."

In addition to the map to the graveyard level, he'd told us how to get to the next level of the dungeon. The stairs down were hidden in the basement of a dilapidated temple.

"No problem," the man said. "I'm happy to help."

"Catnip..." Tabby said then purred.

I smiled. "We should go. Do you know of a good apothecary?"

"Yeah," the man said. "The one on main-street is the best, but don't let her over-charge you. Tell her Edward the Fence sent you."

I glanced down at Tabby on the floor. "You ready to go?"

"Do we have to?" she asked in a whiny tone.

The map-seller laughed. I laughed. His couch laughed. Huh?

"What was that?" I asked, nodding my head toward the piece of furniture.

"Nothing," he said. "You should go."

"Don't say it's nothing," the couch spoke again.

"That was something," I said, drawing my weapon.

"Whoa..." Tabby backed away from the leather three-seater. "A talking couch."

"It's a go," the couch-voice said. "Alpha-Tango-Bravo. Go, go, go..."

The front door of the house swung open, breaking off its hinges. Several armed guards in plate mail stomped into the living room.

"On the floor!" a guard yelled. "Move it!"

He waved a glowing sword through the air. I glanced around. Not seeing anywhere to escape, I lowered my weapon but stayed on my feet.

"You're under arrest for impersonating a gnome of the wrong gender," he said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah..." Tabby giggled. "You're not a real female gnome."

"Shut up," I said, raising my hands in the air. "This is all a misunderstanding."

"Enough," the man said. "We're throwing you in jail."

"That's not going to work," I said.

"Why not?" The guard chuckled. "You hear that, guys? His arrest isn't going to work for him."

Some of the other men laughed.

"I've got some ghosts to track down," I said.

The captain of the town guard narrowed his eyes.

"Now!" I shouted then reached for my Wand of Fire & Fury.

I zapped the wand.

Your Fire Fury DISEMBOWELS the captain of the guard for 114 damage.

The captain of the guard is upset with you.

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [33/134] charges

As he fell backward, burning, I turned and jumped through a glass window, hoping for the best. I landed in the dirt as Tabby leaped through the opening. Several of the other guards cried out in pain as flames engulfed the building.

"Run!" I shouted as I got to my feet.

Tabby stumbled after me as I ran for the northeast sector of the city. If the shady dealer hadn't lied to me, I'd find the temple with the stairs down in the basement. They might be our only chance of escape from the city. Bells rang in the distance.

I ran down one narrow street after another. The change appearance scroll I'd read began to wear off, causing my appearance to change as I ran. Several innocent NPCs screamed in horror as they saw a half-gnome and half-human creature run past.

Several arrows flew by, barely missing me. I kept running. Two steel-tipped arrow hit me, one nicking my right bicep and the other sinking into my thigh.

The arrow INJURES you for 14 damage.

The arrow MAULS you for 23 damage.

You have [439/776] health remaining.

I cried out in pain, stopping on the trail to the edge of the city. Two more arrows whizzed by, missing me. I turned and pointed the wand at the men chasing us.

Your Fire Fury MAIMS the guard for 59 damage.

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [32/134] charges.

Several of the other arrow-shooting guards nearby also took damage—enough for them to stop firing. I backed away, still pointing the wand at them.

"Don't follow me," I shouted. "Be smart."

"There's a bounty on your head," a guard said. "I've got to feed my family. No hard feelings. Why don't you give up?"

I stopped and asked, "What bounty?"

"Does it matter what it's for?" the man asked. He stepped several paces forward.

"Stop," I said, raising the wand.

"Impersonating a gnome of the opposite gender is against the law of the land," he said. "This isn't anything personal. You can do whatever you want on other levels, but in Thunderbone, that type of illusory magic is forbidden."

"How was I supposed to know?" I asked.

"Ignorance of the law isn't an excuse," the guard said. "Listen, I'm not an attorney, but one will be provided to you if you're unable to afford one."

"Hurry," Tabby said in my mind. "I'm at the stairs down."

I stepped backward toward the temple.

"Stop," the guard said. "Laws are laws."

"And wands are wands," I muttered then zapped three times in a row.

Flames of fire and fury hit the guards, roasting them in their armor. I sent off another three rounds at the city. With an inferno, they would be less likely to chase me.

Your alignment is affected by your recent actions.

You receive -25 alignment.

You receive no experience points for this encounter.

You are evil in nature.

 It's just a game, I told myself as I turned and ran into the temple. In the basement, Tabby stood at the top of a set of stone stairs leading down. I stopped. We're alive for another level. One more level. That's all I want.

Tabby meowed then bounded down the stairs four at a time. I followed, still clutching the map to The Graveyard. Would gear from another player character help me beat the final boss and finally win the game? Only one way to find out.

"Keep moving," I said when I reached the bottom of the stairs. "They'll probably aggro-chase us down."

Tabby laughed, obviously still under the influence of the catnip.

"Are we having fun yet?" she asked.

"Sure," I said, the lie sounding hollow.

Time for another round. One more level of the roguelike that seemed to go on forever.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 10 ::::>

Chasing Bones Files

You are on level 36 (-1700')

You are a Level 35 Orc Samurai.

You hear money changing hands.

Another shop? I had a Wand of Digging, but I wasn't looking to press my luck so deep down in the dungeon. The map to The Graveyard glowed slightly brighter.

"We're close," I said in a low voice.

Tabby yawned, not caring in the least.

"Maybe we'll find some map scrolls," I said.

I walked down the tunnel we'd encountered at the end of the stairs. Light had long since been a concern for me. How high would the leveling system go? I should've asked the dwarves. The stone tunnel ended oddly with a closed wooden door. I tried the handle. Not locked. I didn't hear any sounds on the other side, so I cautiously opened it while holding Thor's Hammer.

A room on the other side had a suit of splint mail resting against the far wall. Two other doors, one to the left and one to the right, led out. Footprints covered the dusty floor. I noticed a few paths through the room, but most led to the door on my right. After opening that onet slowly, I saw yet another hallway with the walls and ceiling covered in rough, wooden planks.

Tabby yawned again, causing me to do the same.

"Cut it out," I whispered in a harsh tone.

"We've not rested in a while, Alex. Can we stop soon?"

"One more level," I said.

Unless things went bad. I wanted to get to The Graveyard and scope out the ghosts. Would I even have a chance of defeating one?

Tabby sighed then said, "Fine."

I kept walking until I reached another door. Opening it, my eyes widened at the sight of a grassy hilltop and a bright blue sky.

"Something's not right," Tabby said.

"No kidding," I muttered, stepping through the doorway.

The sun beat down on me from the sky above. I glanced around and saw vast fields of grain surrounding the hill. Where are we? I took a few steps forward and heard something growling deeply nearby. When I turned, I saw nothing.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Your worst nightmare," a voice replied.

Laughter followed, but I still saw nothing.

"Show yourself," I said, raising my hammer.

A ten-foot high ogre materialized out of thin air before me.

"Who are you?" I asked. "Where are we?"

"It's an illusion," Tabby said. "I can see beyond it."

"The ogre's an illusion?" I asked.

"I'll show you I'm real," the giant roared then swung a massive wooden club.

As the tree-trunk sized log whizzed by, I dodged at the last moment.

"Hang on big guy," I said.

That's not an illusion. What's Tabby talking about?

A slightly shorter green-skinned troll stepped into sight, a sickly smile plastered on its pock-marked face.

"I be real too," he said then ran at me with clawed hands extended.

"Stay back," I shouted then let loose a ball of chain lightning.

The troll screamed as the electricity hit him. It bounced to the ogre, shocking him as well. When the creature flung itself again, the entire illusion of the hilltop faded. A dirty, unkempt, and grinning gnome illusionist came into view.

"You'll die for that, sonny boy," he said then raised his hands to cast.

I hated to waste another ball lightning, but I pointed the end of the hammer at him. The electricity crackled as it shot through the air, hitting him directly. It bounced to the other two creatures. They must be real.

"Stop that," the ogre yelled then swung his club.

The ogre MUTILATES you for 94 damage.

You have [382/776] health remaining.

The troll MAULS you for 29 damage.

You have [353/776] health remaining.

I stepped back into the wood-lined hallway; the troll followed behind. With my free hand, I grabbed the Wand of Fire & Fury from my belt.

Your Fire Fury MUTILATES the troll for 87 damage.

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [25/134] charges.

The troll screams in pain.

You hear muffled sounds nearby.

The fireball explosion knocked me on my backside and caught everything nearby on fire.

"You idiot!" the gnome yelled from the doorway. "Go get him!"

The ogre yelled and ran through the flames, knocking the burning troll to the side. I stood as the tall beast crouched and ran forward. He didn't have room to swing the tree-trunk, but that didn't stop him from charging me with his bare fists.

The ogre DISEMBOWELS you for 111 damage.

You have [242/776] health remaining.

He knocked me to the ground, landing on top of my body. If I used the wand or Thor's Hammer, the damage would affect me too. What can I do? The ogre roared then butted me with his head.

The ogre DEVASTATES you for 45 damage.

You have [197/776] health remaining.

Ouch.

I struggled to get out from under him.

The still-burning troll screamed like a banshee as it rushed past.

In front of me, it attacked as I laid prone on the floor under the ogre.

The trolls DECIMATES you for 34 damage.

The ogre MAIMS you for 54 damage.

You have [109/776] health remaining.

I'd never used it before, but I pulled out the Wand of Curious Words [1/14 charges] as a last resort. Tabby leaped up and onto the ogre's face, clawing at its eyes. Her attack gave me just enough time. As the troll screamed and prepared to attack again, I zapped the wand and hoped for the best.

Today's word is DOOM.

I heard the word spoken aloud in a booming voice. The troll shrieked in fear and ran past the ogre toward the gnome illusionist at the end of the hallway.

"Doom!" I repeated.

Unamused, the ogre plucked Tabby off his face then moved toward me.

What a useless wand. This is it, I guess. Here lies Alex, killed by an ogre on level 36.

I closed my eyes and cringed, waiting for the final damage to my favorite character, but nothing happened.

"Doom," the ogre said in a low, monotone voice.

I opened my eyes and saw the creature staring blankly into space.

"Get away from me," the gnome yelled from further down the hallway.

I scooted backward and scrambled to my feet with the Wand of Fire & Fury in my hand.

Time to finish this up...

I zapped the wand.

Your Fire Fury DISEMBOWELS the ogre for 102 damage.

The ogre is dead! (+3,000 xp)

Your Fire & Fury MUTILATES the gnome for 65 damage.

Your Fire & Fury MAIMS the troll for 57 damage.

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [24/134] charges.

I walked forward, the flames dying down.

"Stay away," the gnome yelled as the troll ran around on fire in the background.

I approached the room where they'd been waiting for me.

The gnome raised his hands to cast a spell.

I stopped then stepped back as a fireball blasted toward me.

Not ready to die again, I grabbed two potions of healing out of my bag of holding.

The fireball reached me, exploding in a brilliant ball of flames. When I didn't take any damage, I realized it was only an illusion.

Time to heal up and finish this battle.

I quaffed a few of my finer potions to heal.

You feel better.

You have [159/776] health remaining.

You feel better.

You have [242/776] health remaining.

Not good enough, but it'll have to do for now.

I ran into the room. The gnome had fled, but the troll continued running around, fanning the flames burning him. I hefted Thor's Hammer and put him out of his misery.

You MUTILATE the troll for 69 damage.

The troll is dead! (+3000 xp)

I ran toward the door the gnome had run through. He'd made it to the far end of the next room when I went through the doorway. Not wanting to chase him, I zapped my favorite offensive wand.

Your Fire Fury DISEMBOWELS the gnome illusionist for 112 damage.

The gnome illusionist is dead! (+3,000 xp)

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [23/134] charges.

Combat is Over!

You have [695,000/700,000] xp

Where's Tabby?

I ran back to the other room and saw her gently nibbling at the troll's burnt body.

"Extra crispy," she said. "Just the way I like it."

I shook my head, still pumped up by the adrenaline rush of the battle. The idea of being in a virtual reality felt like a distant memory. I'd spent so much time in the Tower of Gates. I pushed the thoughts aside and got back to the roguelike.

Close to leveling too.

On the way to check the ogre's body for loot, I drank the last of my extra healing potions and returned to full health. Just one more monster in that group, and I might not have made it through. The realization hit home as I saw the destruction in the tunnel around the still burning ogre. So much for loot.

I returned to find Tabby still contentedly munching on the crispy troll.

"We should go," I said. "That shop's around here somewhere."

The cat glanced up at me, blinked, then went back to eating.

"Fine," I said in frustration then left her to her feast.

The gnome's body in the next room also hadn't survived my mighty flames, but I found an unburned scroll. A quick identify labeled it as a Scroll of Create Illusion. Could be handy, I thought as I stuffed it in my backpack of holding. I peered through the doorway where the gnome had tried to escape. A short hallway led away from the room.

A sign painted with "Gary's Edibles" hung over the door at the end. Might as well check it out. I walked toward the entrance.

"Hello," an utterly too cheerful man said as soon as I entered his shop. "Care for a pastry or three?"

"Just looking," I said, glancing around.

Luckily, word hadn't reached him about my status as a thief. I glanced around, seeing dozens of pastries carefully placed on the tables. Prices aren't too bad.

"They'll leave you feeling good," the shopkeeper said then winked. "I'm Gary, and you have my word on it."

I nodded, smiling politely.

"You can try one free if you want," he said. "Go ahead."

I paused.

Would this shopkeeper poison me with a free Danish to exact instant karmic justice?

"Hold on," I said, pulling out a Scroll of Identify. I read the words then looked down at the Danish.

Rustic Raspberry Danish

This sweet treat will heal all damage.

Expires in two days. You gain 5 pounds if you eat.

"No thanks," I said, then reconsidered. "Might as well take a couple. How much?"

Gary grinned.

"Only five-hundred gold...each."

The rising inflection of the last word made it sound more like a question.

"Fine." I grabbed a handful of coins. "This'll take a minute."

Gary's smile widened as I piled a thousand gold coins on one of his tables. I picked up two of the raspberry pastries and placed them on top of everything else in my backpack. They'd probably rot before I used them, but I didn't have any healing potions. Gary stepped away from the door after my purchase.

"Come again," he said, oblivious to the destruction I'd caused just outside his shop.

I smiled and nodded, then walked past him. We only had one more room to explore on the level, so I expected it to have a staircase leading down to level thirty-seven of the dungeon.

"Tabby, come on," I yelled into the room with the troll. "Time to go."

She strutted out and walked over to me, rubbing against my leg and purring.

"Had enough?" I asked.

She purred in contentment.

In the final room of the level, I found the staircase leading downward.

"We'll rest here for a while," I said.

She didn't answer.

"Tabby?"

I glanced around the rectangular room. She'd already found a spot near the wall and had curled up to sleep.

"Guess I've got the first watch," I said, sitting down with my back against a stone wall.

I watched her sleeping peacefully as I thought about the game. Beyond my abilities, stats, skills, and inventory, I thought about my chance of escaping the roguelike. Even if I did, I would still be stuck in the Tower of Gates. My mind turned to the quest ahead of me. After finding The Graveyard, I'd need to defeat the ghost of another player.

I rested a few hours then stood and stretched, ready to get going.

"Come on Tabby," I said. "Time to go."

She opened her left eye, stared at me a moment, then closed it again.

"I've got some catnip for you," I said, reaching into my backpack.

She picked herself up then lumbered over.

"You're not lying to me, are you?" she asked.

"No," I said. "Here you go."

I tossed a handful of catnip on the stone floor.

"Hurry up, though. We need to get going."

"Okay," she said then sighed.

Her mood perked up after ingesting some of the fine herbs.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 11 ::::>

Rusty the Monster

You are on level 37 (-1850')

You are a Level 35 Orc Samurai.

You are well rested.

You smell catnip nearby.

You are blessed.

I grinned at the string of notifications as I entered the new level. The map sticking out of my belt glowed a bit brighter. Was I ready to take on the ghost of another player?

The rewards might be tremendous. On the other side of the coin, I could die and start all over from the beginning. The thought helped me understand the dwarves more.

Would I want to quit after hundreds or thousands of attempts? They hadn't beat the game. What made me think I could do it on my own? I took a deep breath and glanced around.

The room had two doors on the opposite wall, both next to each other. I noticed the tiles on the floor had a slightly different pattern but looked like those of level thirty-seven.

I pulled out the map to The Graveyard and saw it glowing more brightly than ever before. We're close. I can feel it. After putting it away, I stepped over to the two doors and listened. Nothing. Good. We could use an easy level or two before hitting the graveyard.

"Keep your eyes open," I said as I opened the left door.

Tabby walked through my legs to the next room.

"Yet another dungeon room that looks the same as hundreds of others we've been in."

"Don't get smart," I said. "Keep your eyes open for the entrance to The Graveyard."

"Now you're specific," the cat said.

I noticed a suit of rusty chain mail against one wall. Another door, open, led to a hallway.

"Aren't you getting that armor?" Tabby asked. "You've been stuffing everything else in that bag of yours."

"No," I said, walking forward. "We've got bigger problems...like finding the entrance to The Graveyard."

"Yeah, yeah," she said. "You've been going on about it a while now. What's so important about confronting a ghost anyway?"

"We'll get better equipment," I said.

"And then?"

"Then we'll be able to dive down deeper in the dungeon."

"And then?" Tabby asked again.

"What are you getting at?"

"It's all the same," the cat said. "We clear a level, get some items, lose some items, and then go onto the next one."

Why is she suddenly so interested in philosophy? I wondered. The question receded in my mind as a dark figure approached in the hallway. I hefted Thor's Hammer with both hands and waited.

"Zap it," Tabby said impatiently.

"Hold on..."

I squinted my eyes as the hooded humanoid walked closer.

No visible weapons. A spellcaster? That could mean trouble.

I raised my hammer as he reached the room. Or was it a she? I glanced closer and saw it was a cloaked female with bright red hair. She raised her head and arm as she approached. Mesmerized by her beauty, I couldn't force myself to attack.

"Why are you waiting?" Tabby asked then leaped at the woman, claws out.

My fearless, or foolish cat companion, landed on her cloak, clinging on for dear life. Without looking down, the red-haired woman swatted her away. The spell broke, leaving an open window for an attack.

You MAIM the fierce beauty for 57 damage.

You DECIMATE the fierce beauty for 36 damage.

The fierce beauty is not concerned.

Another amazing Armor Class. That cloak is going to be nice.

She stopped and zapped a long, thin wand. A thick, gooey web shot out of the tip. I dodged and rolled to the right, avoiding the sticky mess. Back on my feet, I fought back and overcame her.

The fierce beauty is dead! (+6000 xp)

Combat is Over!

You have [701,000/700,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

You get +31 health

You get +2 stat points

You get +2 skill points

The next room, a long one with a bumpy gravel floor, had a fountain on a wall. Water poured out of a mage's palm and fell into a stone basin below. I walked over and peered in.

Looks clean enough. Maybe I'll get lucky.

I scooped up some of the crystal-clear water and brought it to my lips.

Tastes fine.

You feel better.

You have [807/807] health remaining.

You gain +1 CON.

CON is now 96.

That's nice, I thought then quickly took another drink.

You feel better.

You have [808/808] health remaining.

You gain +1 CON.

CON is now 97

I quickly drank my way to one-hundred constitution. The effects stopped, including the health increases. Checking my stats, it appeared to be permanent.

You have [811/811] health remaining.

Nice find.

"Can I have some?" Tabby asked.

I smiled then reached down to grab her.

"Don't overdo it," I teased as I sat her on the edge of the fountain.

She lapped at the water. My smile faded when I saw fur growing all over her body.

"Whoa," I said, pulling her back. "Something's not right."

I set her on the stone floor of the room beside the fountain.

"Your face," she said then laughed.

"What about it?" I asked as I felt my chin.

Hair? There's hair everywhere!

"You look hilarious," Tabby said, still laughing.

"The constitution buff is worth it," I said. "Let's go find the staircase down to the next level. We have to be getting closer to The Graveyard."

"You know, Alex. Having hair isn't half-bad," Tabby said then licked a paw.

I shook my head then backed away from the fountain.

With a constitution score of a hundred, I'd be able to gain more health every level. Between that and the ghost's equipment, I'd be able to defeat the Wizard of Yendro.

Two rooms away, to the west, I found yet another staircase leading down. As I walked to the next level, I pulled out the map to The Graveyard. When the glow dimmed instead of getting brighter, I stopped halfway down the staircase then went back up.

The parchment glowed with more intensity. Did we miss the entrance to The Graveyard somehow? I stopped at the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong?" Tabby asked. "Don't tell me it's too cold with all that hair."

She snickered, her hair still growing.

"No. The entrance to The Graveyard has to be on this level. We must've missed it."

"You must've missed it," she quipped. "I've not been looking."

I sighed.

"We'll start in this room. Can you detect secret doors?"

"Not unless I have catnip," she said.

I didn't want to argue with her, so I pulled out what remained in a small pouch.

"Here you go," I said. "This is the last of it."

"Until we get more," she said. "You're the best half-orc I've ever met."

"You've met a lot, have you?"

"No, you're the first one," she admitted.

I shook my head then poured out the last of the catnip. As she devoured and played with it, I walked over to the closest wall and began examining every inch for anything out of the ordinary. This took quite a bit of time.

After a few minutes, Tabby wandered over, staring at the wall. Her pure white hair hadn't stopped growing. I reached up and felt my long locks. Would it stop? I pushed that problem out of my mind and returned to looking for a secret door.

This is going to take forever. I need to be smart.

Calling up the map, I guessed the best place for a hidden room.

"Let's go," I said, walking toward the door. "We're going back to that room in the northwest of the level. That has to be the area with the secret room."

"Sure thing," Tabby said then continued staring at the wall in front of her.

"Did you find something?" I asked.

"Huh? What? Oh, no..."

She stood then sauntered over, leaving the room in a daze. I followed her, hoping to find The Graveyard entrance quickly. I kept expecting the Wizard of Yendro to pop out and attack at any moment. When we made it across the dungeon level, we searched the room where it made sense to have a connecting secret area but found nothing. After three hours, I gave up. Tabby had fallen asleep, curled up in a corner.

"Are you sleeping on the job?" I asked, annoyed at her.

She opened her eyes, barely able to see with the long, white fur in the way.

"I can't see," she said. "I'm blind."

"You're not blind. It's your hair."

I walked over and brushed it out of her eyes with my fingers.

"Stop that," she said then stood up and arched her back.

"We've got to find a way to trim you up," I said.

"You too." She nodded her hair head at me then giggled. "You're going to start tripping over that beard."

"Maybe we're cursed," I said.

"You think?" she asked sarcastically.

"We'll find something to help in The Graveyard."

She shook her head, looking like a little cat-hippy.

"You hope we'll find something. I don't like the sound of a graveyard."

"I think the Egyptians buried their animals with catnip," I said, not sure if it was true or not.

Tabby took the bait, perking up.

"You think so? Are you messing with me? You wouldn't mess with me about catnip, would you?"

"Only one way to find out," I said. "We need to find the entrance. It's around here somewhere."

Tabby walked across the room and into a hallway. I shook my head to get the hair out of my own eyes then followed her. We searched two more rooms for three hours each. Near the end, I stopped to finally eat something so I didn't pass out.

Roguelikes could be tough when it came to nourishment. I had a ring to help, but I still needed to eat occasionally. Tabby sat next to me, licking her long hair to groom herself. She'd already coughed up a couple nasty hairballs.

After eating, I stood and stretched. The walls of the room we were in looked solid and similar to many of the other walls in the dungeon.

What am I missing? I sighed.

"There's only one room we haven't checked, Alex."

I nodded.

"The first one with the set of rusty chain mail," I said.

We shuffled back to the first room of the level with the staircase leading up. Tabby went over to the chain mail. I half expected it to jump up and attack us. At least that would be something happening.

Should I give up the search for The Graveyard and try to keep leveling? I'd have to throw in the towel at some point. Better to do it now rather than another day from now? I couldn't imagine searching so long.

"Alex, there's something here!" she said in an excited voice. "Come look!"

I stepped over to her, still not seeing anything of significance.

"Rusty set of chain mail," I said, shrugging my shoulder. "What about it?"

"Look closely," she said. "The wall above it."

I bent down and studied the stones above the garbage armor.

"Oh," I said, noticing someone had carved "Elbereth" into the stone.

"Do you know what it means?" Tabby asked.

"It's from an old roguelike from the 20th century," I said. "People carved it into stone or wrote it in the dust to keep monsters from attacking them. Must not have worked for the person who had this armor."

"There's no body or bones, Alex. Should we be scared?"

I chuckled at her sudden paranoia and concern.

"No more worried than in any other part of this crazy dungeon."

"Is that an arrow on the wall?" she asked.

"Where?"

"A foot above the word," she said.

I looked up and saw an arrow pointing up carved into the stone.

"You're right," I said. "Good eyes. What's it pointing at?"

I glanced up and noticed a section of stone sticking out from the wall around it. Could it be? I pressed the rock. A section of the wall pulled back, exposing a tunnel.

"We found it!" I said, excited and nervous at the same time.

I squeezed into the tunnel, anxious to see if it was the entrance to The Graveyard. At the end of the hidden passage, I saw a pit leading down into the darkness with no ladder.

"Come on Tabby," I said. "We've got some ghosts to bust."

"As long as they've got catnip," she said, stopping at my feet and looking up.

I reached down and scooped her up.

"We'll jump down," I said. "The Ring of Feather Falling will help."

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Tabby said.

I stepped off the edge of the pit, slowly falling into the darkness.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 12 ::::>

Victory is So Close!

You are on level 39 (-2000')

You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

Your hair is growing quickly.

Hunger is not your concern.

This is a special zone.

You are in The Graveyard.

We went down two levels? Maybe I should go back up and level before coming down.

"I don't think we're ready," I admitted.

"Don't chicken out," Tabby said. "I ain't afraid of no ghosts."

"You should be," I said. "They won't be easy to kill again."

I glanced around the dark cavern where we'd landed. Rows of tombstones covered the floor in all directions. We stood in the middle of it all. Tabby leaped from my hands and onto the somehow moist ground on the cavern floor.

"None of this makes sense," I said, stooping to read the closest tombstone.

Here lies Derkwood the Brave.

Death by Bugbear Brigade on level 12 (-600')

"Poor guy," I said.

"Some of these names are hilarious," Tabby said, laughing. "Get a load of this one. Drimbledoorf!"

She hooted with laughter.

"Have some respect," I said.

Tabby walked down a row between the ancient headstones, leaving a trail of cat prints behind her.

"Don't wander off," I said. "We need to get our bearings."

A piercing scream followed by a long, monotonous moan rang out. I turned my head toward the sound but saw nothing. The wailing repeated, louder this time.

I hefted Thor's Hammer. Maybe we should've thought of a way out of here before jumping down. Was my obsession with killing a ghost leading me astray?

"That's not catnip I'm smelling," Tabby said, still walking away.

Another moan, even closer, had me high-tailing it after the cat. Her long, white hair collected mud from the soft ground below us. The fear inside me grew.

I ran past the cat, unable to stop myself.

"Where are you going?" Tabby asked.

"I'm afraid," I shouted as I continued running.

Had a ghost cast Fear on me? The wailing moan followed me as I ran between two rows of marble headstones. I kept running, hoping to find the edge of the graveyard, but the horizon stayed the same distance away no matter how far I ran.

"Where are we going?" Tabby asked, out of breath. "We're going to get lost."

"I'm already lost," I said, stopped and turning around. "That sound."

"Whatever it was, it's gone," she said. "Can we rest a moment?"

Everything looked the same. It was like we hadn't even ran to a new location.

"Can you see the hole in the ceiling?" I asked, glancing up.

"No," Tabby said. "It's too dark."

"Why did we come down here?" I muttered.

"Calm down," Tabby said. "Deep breaths."

"You're not the boss of me," I snapped.

"Whoa, Alex. You're freaking out. I think it's a spell, or the effects of fear."

"I'm not afraid of no ghost!" I screamed.

A glowing white figure appeared nearby. It raised its unreal arms and stepped forward, moaning in a soft yet still frightening voice.

Eat lightning...I thought, as I evoked Thor's Hammer.

Your chain lightning DISEMBOWELS the ghost for 120 damage.

The ghost appears unaffected.

Did it take damage or not? Unaffected? What am I dealing with?

I'd never run into a ghost in this roguelike before.

Why had I made such a dumb decision?

Nowhere to run. Might as well go down fighting.

I swung the mighty war hammer at the ghost.

You MUTILATE the ghost for 72 damage.

Critical Hit!

You EVISCERATE the ghost for 145 damage.

The ghost has noticed you.

It hissed then flew forward at lightning speed.

The ghost DISEMBOWELS you for 124 damage.

You have [687/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost MUTILATES you for 99 damage.

You have [588/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost MAIMS you for 56 damage.

You have [532/811] health remaining.

You come to your senses.

I attacked with two swings of the hammer.

You DECIMATE the ghost for 34 damage.

You MISS the ghost.

The ghost is getting stronger.

What? Regeneration? Between that and the fear effects, I might be in trouble.

Here comes another round. The ghost flew toward me again.

The ghost WOUNDS you for 19 damage.

You have [513/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost MAIMS you for 54 damage.

You have [459/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

Critical Hit!

The ghost EVISCERATES you for 146 damage.

You have [313/811] health remaining.

You come to your senses.

I backed up while reaching behind me for one of the two healing pastries I'd purchased. The ghost stopped, glowing brighter for a moment. I gobbled down the raspberry Danish.

Yum! You feel better!

You have [811/811] health remaining.

You gain five pounds.

Hah. Take that. Come at me now.

The ghost, recharged, obliged.

The ghost MAULS you for 23 damage.

You have [788/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost DECIMATES you for 35 damage.

You have [753/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost MAIMS you for 53 damage.

You have [700/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost MUTILATES you for 72 damage.

You have [628/811] health remaining.

This is not going well. I stood my ground, shooting off another ball of lightning.

You EVISCERATE the ghost for 134 damage.

The ghost has noticed you.

About damn time.

It wailed as it attacked again.

The ghost MAULS you for 29 damage.

You have [599/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost DEVASTATES you for 45 damage.

You have [554/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost MAIMS you for 59 damage.

You have [495/811] health remaining.

You come to your senses.

I turned and ran. One healing pastry remained, but I didn't like how the battle was going.

"Are we fighting or running away?" Tabby asked, her long fur matted with mud.

I brushed my bangs out of my eyes.

"We're doing both," I said then stopped and turned.

The ghost continued forward, other spirits rising out of their graves behind it. I rushed forward and attacked twice.

You MUTILATE the ghost for 98 damage.

You MAIM the ghost for 54 damage.

The ghost has noticed you.

I braced for another ghostly assault.

The ghost MAULS you for 29 damage.

You have [466/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost DEVASTATES you for 42 damage.

You have [424/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost MUTILATES you for 73 damage.

You have [351/811] health remaining.

You are gripped with fear.

You cannot move.

The ghost DECIMATES you for 32 damage.

You have [319/811] health remaining.

"Run!" I yelled then took off between the rows of headstones.

I grabbed the last raspberry Danish then stuffed it into my mouth.

Yum! You feel better!

You have [519/811] health remaining.

You gain five pounds.

 The ghost screamed behind me. As I continued running, an idea hit me.

"Stay with me, Tabby," I said.

All I saw in every direction was more headstones.

How many players had died in the game?

After pushing ahead a bit, I stopped and reached into my backpack. I pulled out my only Scroll of Create Illusion. While not sure if it would work, I couldn't think of any other way to get away and heal back up. I read the scroll, hoping to create a way for us to hide and heal for a bit. We needed a better plan.

I created the illusion of a crypt around us. Tabby shuddered as she sat on the cold, wet ground next to a headstone. Would the magic fool the ghost? My heart beat fast as I waited for it to approach. The ghost's screams get louder then fainter as it floated by us. I took a deep breath. Without potions or pastries, it would take a while to heal all the way to maximum.

"Any other bright ideas on how to get us out of this?" Tabby asked.

"I'm thinking," I whispered, not wanting to give away our position.

"Great," she said. "That's what I was worried about."

"Be quiet," I hissed.

I sat on the wet ground with my back pressed against a headstone.

We waited patiently, giving me enough time to heal.

* * * * *

"Tabby, get up," I said. "Time to finish this ghost."

"Maybe he's gone," Tabby moaned. "Let me sleep a bit longer."

"The illusion is about to fade. We should go."

She sighed. "Fine..."

I got to my feet just as the illusion flickered then disappeared. The entire cavern looked as eerie and dark as before, but I didn't see any sign of the ghost we'd been fighting.

"What if you can't find the same ghost?" Tabby asked.

"He's probably regenerated by now anyway," I said. "We only need to kill one of them. I bet there's a lot more in here."

"I hope not," she said, standing then shaking. "This mud is getting on my nerves."

Headstones stretched into the darkness in every direction.

"We need to find a wall," I said.

"For what?"

"To get out of here." I glanced around. "You don't want to know about my backup plan."

"I'm sure I don't," Tabby said.

We walked for quite a while without seeing an end to the vast graveyard. I wondered if I'd made a mistake coming to the special area of the dungeon.

"Another ghost," Tabby said.

"Where? I don't see anything."

I turned around, searching.

"You can't smell it?"

"No," I said.

A few rows away, a ghostly form rose into the air. Several bloated corpses clawed their way out of the ground at the same time. I pulled out my Wand of Fire & Fury.

"Take cover!" I shouted then zapped.

Your Fire & Fury MAIMS the ghost of Richard for 56 damage.

The ghost is not concerned.

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [22/134] charges.

"It's still coming," Tabby said as she ducked behind a headstone.

"No kidding," I muttered, raising the wand and firing repeatedly as fast as it would allow.

Your Fire & Fury MAULS the ghost of Richard for 29 damage.

Your Fire & Fury DECIMATES the bloated corpse for 35 damage.

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [21/134] charges.

The bloated corpse EXPLODES!

The bloated corpse EXPLODES!

I cleared twenty more of the same message as a massive mushroom cloud of smoke and ash filled the air around us. Tabby coughed from her hiding spot.

As the air cleared, I saw the ghost moving forward. More fire would increase the chance of ruining any loot it might be holding, so I changed tactics.

I raised Thor's Hammer. Only two charges left, but it had to be enough.

Your chain lightning DISEMBOWELS the ghost of Richard for 112 damage.

Your chain lightning MUTILATES the bloated corpse for 95 damage.

The bloated corpse EXPLODES!

The bloated corpse EXPLODES!

The bloated corpse EXPLODES!

As the gaseous corpses crawling out of the ground exploded, damaging the ghost even more, I dove behind a headstone. Flames rushed by on either side, but I escape the main blast completely. Tabby sat nearby, long hair caked with mud and soot. She gave me a look that explained her mood without the need for words. I ignored her and stood as the ghost floated forward. One more shot. Make it count.

Your chain lightning EVISCERATES the ghost of Richard for 145 damage.

The ghost of Richard is dead! (+20,000 xp)

Combat is Over!

You have [721,000/750,000] xp.

When I saw the pile of loot the ghost dropped, I smiled.

This'll help...

I walked over and picked up all the items, putting them into my magic backpack.

You get Potion of Major Healing x7 (Heal 2d100).

You get Potion of Invulnerability to Arrows.

You get Potion of Fruit Juice.

You get +4 Vampire's Tooth.

You get -1 knife of Accuracy.

You get Scroll of Noise.

You get Scroll of Blurry Vision.

You get leather gloves.

No wonder the poor guy died, I thought as I stared at the mostly cursed items. At least the healing potions will help. Any other time I would've identified the gloves before trying them on, but more ghosts were rising all around us. I put them on my hands.

You feel cursed.

Ugh. Not this again. Stupid game.

"We need to go," Tabby said. "More ghosts are coming."

"I know," I said. "Don't worry. We're leaving."

"But how?" she asked. "Do you have a way out?"

"The Wand of Digging," I said, rummaging for it in my backpack.

She glanced around then up.

"There's no walls to dig through, and we can't reach the ceiling. What are you thinking?"

I grinned and said, "You forgot down."

"Don't do it..." she begged.

I scooped her up then zapped the wand while pointing it at the muddy ground. A tunnel opened beneath our feet. The Ring of Feather Falling brought us down slowly.

"Not bad, huh?" I asked as we descended.

"You forgot one thing, Alex."

"Oh? What?" I asked.

"Now the ghosts can escape too."

I looked up and saw a big ball of glowing ghost-energy descending along with us.

Uh oh...Ghost jailbreak. That can't be good.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 13 ::::>

Cursed Item Blues

You float gently to the ground.

You are on level 40.

You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

Your hair is growing quickly.

Hunger is not your concern.

You smell monsters nearby.

At least I didn't take any falling damage.

I smelled a strong animal odor in the air.

"You're smelling foul," I said, looking down at Tabby.

"It's not me."

She nodded her head toward the open doorway on the other side of the room. I wandered over to the only exit from the room. The cool down period on the chain lightning from Thor's Hammer wouldn't end for another twenty-four hours. I hoped I didn't run into anything too exotic. Being on a boss level, I wasn't so sure.

Over half of the roguelike remained beneath me, including a final battle with the Wizard of Yendro. I pushed thoughts of Regina out of my mind as I crossed the room. All the hair on my body had given me a few extra points on my armor class, but I itched like crazy. Tabby wasn't having an easy time either.

I stopped in front of the door and looked down at her.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She glanced up.

"Does it look like I'm okay?"

"Sorry," I said then frowned as I opened the door.

I heard a loud gong in the distance.

"Let's go," I said, walking forward.

A short tunnel on the other side of the door opened into another vast cavern. At the opposite end, there's a trio of ogres wearing loose fitting gold robes. They turned as I entered, none of them looking happy. As I zapped the Wand of Fire & Fury, an ogre raised his hands, palms out, and threw up a Wall of Protection. My fireball hit the magic barrier and exploded.

"Careful," Tabby said. "I've got so much hair now, I'm easily ignitable."

You drop Thor's Hammer.

Huh? I reached down and picked it up.

"The cursed gloves," Tabby reminded me. "Maybe we should go back up a level."

"No. I've got this..."

I stepped into the cavern as the ogres lumbered toward me. The one of the left deftly moved his giant hands then pointed a finger in my direction.

The ogre mage lightning MUTILATES you for 87 damage.

You have [724/811] health remaining.

As I shook from the electrical shock, I zapped the wand again.

Your Fire & Fury MUTILATES an ogre mage for 69 damage.

Your Fire & Fury MAIMS an ogre mage for 53 damage.

Your Fire & Fury DECIMATES an ogre mage for 33 damage.

The Wand of Fire & Fury has [19/134] charges.

All three ogres yelled then cast spells. Three more lightning bolts hit me.

The ogre mage lightning MUTILATES you for 62 damage.

The ogre mage lightning MAIMS you for 54 damage.

The ogre mage lightning DISEMBOWELS you for 113 damage.

The Wand of Fire & Fury slips from your hand.

You have [495/811] health remaining.

I cursed my cursed gloves then ran forward. Three ogres at once wouldn't be easy, but if they were engaged in melee, they wouldn't be able to cast as easily.

My battle-cry echoed in the vast chamber as I ran toward them. The ogre in front looked past me, fear and terror etched on his face. Finally, someone takes me seriously.

All three ogres turned and ran for a tunnel at the other end of the room. I slowed down then stopped. They can't be that afraid of me. I turned around. My heart sank.

Five ghostly spirits floated into the room.

Uh oh. This is not good.

"Come on, Tabby!" I yelled then ran after the fleeing ogres.

She followed me to the other side of the cavern and into another tunnel.

A lightning bolt shot down the tunnel and hit me on the chest.

The ogre mage lightning MUTILATES you for 73 damage.

You have [422/811] health remaining.

I reached for the Wand of Fire & Fury then realized I'd never picked it up after dropping it. Thanks to the cursed gloves. Trapped between three ogre mages and a handful of powerful ghosts, I pulled out my Wand of Digging.

With six charges left, I zapped the wall of the tunnel to my left. A smoothly bored hole appeared. I hoped the five remaining charges would be enough to get away from my OP enemies as I ran into the new tunnel.

The wailing sounds of the ghosts increased in volume as I ran. At the end of the freshly dug tunnel, I discovered I'd been lucky and zapped into another room.

As I walked in, the three ogre mages appeared from the regular entrance. The one in front cast a spell, filling the room with dark, thick smoke. I coughed twice.

"This way!" Tabby yelled, running toward a door on the other side of the room.

I sprinted after her, covering my face with my forearm. When I reached the door, I flung it open where another tunnel led off into the distance. I took off running with the ogres following behind me.

Ghosts wailed behind them. I shut the door and took off down the new hallway. Maybe I can circle around and get the Wand of Fire & Fury. I slowed down as I neared another door. The ogre mages had to be the big boss for the level. Should I keep going and hope for the best or stay and fight?

I turned the handle and opened the door. A round room lit by torches on the other side appeared safe enough as I walked in, closing the flimsy wooden door behind me. Two other doors in the room were closed.

Thor's Hammer slips out of your hands.

I sighed and reached down to pick up my main weapon.

What are these? Gloves of Butter-Fingers?

"You should heal," Tabby said. "I think we might end up fighting."

"No kidding," I muttered, taking two of my seven healing potions out.

I quaffed them both.

You feel better.

You have [575/811] health remaining.

You feel better.

You have [764/811] health remaining.

Not fully healed, but it wasn't worth using a more powerful potion so close to my max health. I scanned my inventory, looking for something to help me out of my current situation.

You hear sounds of fighting in the distance.

Would the ogre mages defeat the ghosts? How many would come out of The Graveyard and into the main game? Both questions concerned me, but I had more pressing matters. I strode over to the closest door. With Thor's Hammer in one hand, I turned the brass handle with my free hand.

The door handle slips out of your grasp.

Come on! I took a deep breath then tried again. Stupid cursed gloves. The door opened to another hallway. Battle sounds continued getting louder as I walked to the new door. I opened it and saw yet another hallway leading into the distance. I walked through, gripping Thor's Hammer as tightly as possible. The stupid cursed gloves still made me drop it twice.

"What now?" Tabby asked as we approached another door.

"Keep going," I said. "The ghosts should keep the other monsters busy and vice versa."

Tabby laughed.

"What?" I asked as I glanced down at her.

She shook her head, her hair still growing longer.

"In another day or two, we'll be so covered with hair it won't matter."

I grinned, knowing she had a point.

"We'll worry about that later," I said. "For now, we need to get out of here."

I opened the door and saw a long, wide room empty except for a bag laying on its own on the floor. As the sounds of the nearby battle got closer, I walked over and picked up the cloth sack.

You get an empty bag.

Great. I tossed it to the floor. With no other items or exits in the room, I returned the way I'd come. Back at the last room, an ogre stood against the wall, breathing heavy.

He looked at me, blinked, then ran forward with a sword-sized dagger. I lifted Thor's Hammer, hoping it didn't slip out of my fingers when I needed it the most.

The ogre mage DECIMATES you for 39 damage.

You have [725/811] health remaining.

You MAIM the ogre mage for 56 damage.

You DEVASTATE the ogre mage for 45 damage.

The ogre mage MAIMS you for 58 damage.

You have [667/811] health remaining.

A pair of wailing ghosts entering the room broke up our fight. The ogre turned as they attacked him. I backed away, heading for the other door I hadn't tried.

Tabby was already in the hallway waiting for me.

"About time you showed up," she said.

I shut the door then jogged down the hall to another door.

Please let the down staircase be in the next room.

My wish didn't come true. The cramped room held nothing.

"You should use the Wand of Digging down," Tabby said.

I shook my head.

"No, not yet. If the ogres win against the ghosts, they'll be worn down after the fight. The same holds true if the ghosts win. I can take either of them once they've been worn down a bit."

"We're going to die, aren't we?" Tabby asked.

"Don't talk like that," I snapped. "You want some more catnip, don't you?"

Her ears perked up at the mere mention of the word.

"That would make me very happy," she said.

An ogre yelled in agony nearby.

Were the ogres losing? Only one way to find out.

I opened the door then crept down the hallway toward the room where the ghosts were battling the ogres. When I reached the door, I stopped. The sounds of the battle in the room beyond had grown even louder. Wailing ghosts and spell-singing ogres?

Ever so slowly, I turned the handle and cracked the door, peeking out. A lightning bolt bounced from wall to wall. I kicked the door open the rest of the way and saw two ogres standing back to back in center of the room. Ghosts surrounded both of them.

Over a dozen of them had found their way into the room. The ogre facing my direction noticed me as a few more ghosts flew in.

"You!" he cried, pointing an accusatory finger.

His buddy cast a spell. A protective barrier formed around them in the shape of a bell. The ghosts, frustrated, turned to face me.

All of them flew forward, screeching and wailing in unison. I changed my mind about trying to fight and slammed the door shut. While running to the tiny, unoccupied room, a realization hit me. If I used the Wand of Digging to go down, the ghosts would be able to follow. Too many of them had escaped The Graveyard. Would they overrun the entire game?

Reaching the dead-end room, I closed the door even though it wouldn't stop the ghosts. My heart raced as I struggled to find the best solution to my problem, one to keep me alive longer.

Thor's Hammer slips from your hands.

I stooped to pick it up then got out my Wand of Digging. The sound of wailing ghosts continued to get closer. I put away Thor's Hammer and reached down to get Tabby.

"You better not drop me," she said.

"I won't," I said then zapped the wand at the floor.

We sank down the smooth hole to the next level.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 14 ::::>

Twisty Little Passages

You are on level 41 (-2050')

You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

You hear wailing in the distance.

The hole dropped us into a twisty tunnel. I heard ghosts following, so I ran as soon as we hit the floor. The direction didn't matter if we could escape. After only five steps, I triggered a teleportation plate hidden in the floor.

You do not feel disoriented.

Do you wish to teleport to another level?

Teleport control could come in handy.

"Yes," I said, hoping to get a bit of distance between us and the ghosts.

Tabby wiggled in my arms.

"Be still if you want to come along," I said.

She settled down.

Teleport to what level?

I thought a moment. Too deep down and I'd die quickly at my level. On the other hand, if I didn't go deep enough, I'd likely run into the ghosts again. The sound of their wailing got closer.

"Fifty-one," I said then typed it into the game interface with my thoughts.

Everything around me faded. When everything redrew, I found myself in a narrow room with a long, oaken table running down the center.

You are on level 51 (-2050')

You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

You feel frightened.

Because my character is too low level? The ghosts? Or something else?

The mysterious messages made the game even more difficult to beat. As I played longer, it became easier to imagine myself beating the Wizard of Yendro.

Even if Regina, my one-time friend, had taken over the character of the main boss, I would take her out to escape the roguelike and reenter the Tower of Gates.

I missed adventuring with other people. Tabby was nice and all, but I missed human communication. My hairy cat squirmed in my arms, so I set her down on the cold cobblestones.

"You're getting heavy," I said.

"Find something to cut our hair," she said. "We should've never drunk from that fountain."

"The constitution bump was worth it," I said. "We'll figure it out."

She shook her entire body then began licking the mud out of her fur.

As she cleaned herself, I looked around. No doors or other entrances to the room. Weird. A secret room of some sort? I searched the walls for signs of a hidden doorway.

"Can I have some water?" Tabby asked.

"Sure," I said. "We have plenty."

I poured her some water. She lapped it up out of the metal dish I kept for her. As she drank, I pulled out a couple servings of beef jerky to fight off the hunger in my belly.

Our supplies were running low, but finding food and water wouldn't be difficult if we kept moving. That was the key. Unfortunately, roguelikes were notorious for making it difficult.

After eating and drinking enough for two men my size, I returned to searching the room for an exit. When I didn't find one after another hour, I pulled out the Wand of Digging.

"Time to leave, Tabby," I said.

She'd cleaned off a lot of the mud but still looked rough. I couldn't imagine how I appeared after so many days deep down in the dank, dark dungeon.

"Okay," she said. "Did you find a door?"

"No." I stooped down and picked her up. "Time to use the four remaining charges of the wand. Ready?"

"Yes, Alex. This room scares me."

With her nestled against my chest with one arm, I used my other hand to point the wand at the floor. Before I had a chance to zap, the cursed glove made my hand twitch, breaking the wood.

"No," I shouted in frustration as the two pieces fell to the floor, smoke rising.

"You need to get those gloves off," Tabby said.

"No kidding," I snapped, setting her on the table.

She strutted down to the other end as if my words held no meaning.

"Wake me when you figure it out," she called out over her shoulder.

I took a deep breath to control my anger. Getting upset wouldn't help solve the problem. The game wouldn't stop me by starving me in a room I teleported to randomly.

Or would it?

* * * * *

Adventurer's Journal Day Three: I'm ready to kill my cat companion, Tabby. Not out of malice or spite but necessity. She looks delicious, the perfect size for one final meal.

The morbid thought tumbled around in my brain as I closed my eyes. Sleep overcame my exhausted body as I sat with my back against the wall at one end of the long table.

Dreams of dancing cats turning into roasts infiltrated my mind. The images disturbed me enough to wake me from my slumber. I raised the canteen to my lips for a small drink.

Nothing came out. I needed water before food. Dehydration had already taken a toll on my body. Too tired to search for a way out, I'd grown weary and spent the last day resting.

"We should do something," Tabby said as she laid on top of the table.

"No kidding," I said. "What do you suggest?"

My dry, cracked lips hurt as I spoke.

"What's in your backpack?"

"No food," I said then giggled.

"What's so funny?" Tabby asked.

"Nothing," I replied. "Too painful to laugh."

She didn't answer.

"Tabby?" I sat up. "Are you okay?"

"You can't eat me yet unless you kill me first," she said.

"I wouldn't do that to you."

Even if it wasn't a truly honest statement, I wanted to put her at ease. The last thing I needed was a hairy, mad cat attacking me in a small, enclosed room with little space.

I stared at the broken Wand of Digging. Could I repair it? While I didn't have a create magic item skill, maybe I could figure it out? I reached toward the two pieces of wood.

After grabbing them, I placed them together, end to end. Holding them, I couldn't reach the spot to activate the wand. Did I have anything to fasten them together?

Nothing in my backpack would help. An idea hit me. I stood and staggered toward the table, almost toppling over. Tabby lifted her head—barely—and gave me a look.

I pulled out a non-magical dagger, hoping it was sharp enough. Tabby hissed then jumped up and stumbled to the other end of the wooden table.

"You promised you wouldn't eat me," she said.

"I need your hair to bind the wand together."

Her cat eyes glimmered in the light.

"Will it work?" she asked.

"Yeah," I lied. "Definitely."

She cautiously crept down to my end of the table.

"I'm too tired to fight anyway," she said. "Kill me if it will keep you alive."

"You'd keep me alive a few more hours, but we need to find water soon."

She sat down on her hind legs and lowered her head. I brought the dagger closer to her long, coarse hair. After finding the source of a long strand, I cut it off then repeated the process.

I collected the tufts of hair together then stared down at the two pieces of the broken wand on the table. The hair wasn't going to solve my problem. Not in a hundred years.

"Hold on..." I said, another idea hitting me.

I dug out a Scroll of Identify and the Potion of Fruit Juice.

"Liquid," Tabby said. "Let me have some."

"I was saving it, but we need to use it as glue."

Her head tilted to the left.

"What are you talking about? You're dehydrated and talking crazy."

"No," I said. "We can use Paper Mache to mend the wand. Using the parchment from a magic scroll soaked in sticky fruit juice...it could work. Am I crazy?"

"You're definitely crazy," she said. "But it might work."

"We have to try."

I ripped up the Scroll of Identify. Crafting had never been a big part of my gameplay, but in the Tower of Gates, I only cared about results. The life or death aspect of the game made it so more immersive. Well, that and the fact no one had ever figured out how to quit the game. I'd heard many rumors about the real story behind the VRMMORPG, but I doubted the veracity of them.

Once I finished ripping up the magic parchment, I wet it with the fruit juice then wrapped strips of it around the want. Please let this work.

"Looking good," Tabby said as I wrapped another strip of wet, sticky paper around the wand.

Spurred on by the hope in her voice, I wrapped a few more strips of parchment soaked in the fruit juice. The wand smelled of elderberries, but all I cared about was that it worked and helped us escape.

The fruit juice slips from your hands.

"No..." I yelled as the fragile glass hit the table and shattered.

Tabby shot forward and lapped at the pooling liquid.

"Don't waste it all," I said. "Maybe I used enough...Give me some."

Unable to overcome my thirst any longer, I leaned into the table and lapped at the fruit juice as it soaked into the dense, oak wood. Tabby raised her hair to hiss.

"Watch it," I said then picked up the wand. "Seems stable enough."

Tabby raised her head.

"I got a splinter in my tongue," she said, sounding strange.

"Serves you right," I said.

"You're the one who dropped the bottle of juice."

"It's these cursed gloves," I said. "Come on, before I drop the wand or break it again."

After Tabby walked to the end of the table, I picked her up. She felt ten pounds heavier with all the hair, but that could've been because I was so weak from hunger and dehydration. No food or water had to be one of the worst ways to lose a character in a roguelike.

The thought of all the time I'd spent building my character going to waste hit me. I understood a bit more why the other trapped players had created a place of their own outside the game. Why they'd named it Dwarven Valhalla was still a mystery.

"Ready?" I asked.

Tabby glanced up, slowly shaking her head from left to right.

"Yes," she said.

What a contrarian.

I zapped the wand. The tip glowed the right color, deep purple, but the intensity appeared off. As it got even brighter, smoke rose from the break I'd tried to repair.

Then the unthinkable happened.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 15 ::::>

Fall of the Zookeeper

The hastily patched wand exploded.

The Wand of Digging DEMOLISHES you for 400 damage.

You have [411/811] health remaining.

Your Backpack of Holding is scarred.

You fall gently.

You are on level 52 (-2150')

You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

You hear distant wailing.

Ghosts? Already? I picked myself up off the floor. Dust floated in the air. I glanced around at the debris spread all over the floor of the room we'd floated down into.

Tabby jumped down as I coughed and waved the air in front of me with my hand. As I stared up, I could still see level fifty-one of the dungeon.

"I smell food," Tabby said, limping toward a nearby hallway.

The door had been blasted off its hinges in the explosion. I followed her, forearm over my mouth and nose to cut down on the coughing. Tabby trotted forward.

"Hold on," I said. "Not so fast."

She disregarded me, so I picked up my pace, feeling faint.

You are thirsty.

You are hungry.

No kidding. The real-life hunger pangs were bad enough. The roguelike didn't need to keep reminding me. Even without a flashing countdown timer, I felt time slipping away.

"In here," Tabby said.

What now? I stood, too weak to lift my weapon.

As I emerged out of the tunnel, I saw a gigantic square plaza. Several tents with shop names on signs in front of them occupied the outer edges of the area easily a thousand-feet across. In the center, a glorious life-giving water fountain stood. Tabby rushed toward it with me following close behind.

We could buy more supplies in a bit. I needed a drink of refreshing water. My dry and cracked lips parted as I approached. Halfway to the fountain, I tripped but kept crawling on my hands and knees. Tabby jumped onto the stone ledge running around the stone fountain. When I reached it, I grabbed onto the rim and pulled myself up. As Tabby lapped away at the clear water, I dipped my burned and bruised hand in then brought it to my mouth.

The cold, refreshing water hit the spot. I went in for more.

"Don't guzzle it," Tabby said. "You'll puke it up."

"Human hair-ball, huh?"

I laughed. She laughed. The fountain laughed.

Huh? I backed away.

"Enjoy my water," the fountain said. "It's free."

A mouth morphed into the stone base of the fountain smiled.

Tabby returned to lapping at the water. I grinned as the fountain laughed. While strange, I didn't care as I stepped forward and filled my canteen with life-giving water. We had been so close to dying. After another drink, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and stared back at the shops.

"We should go," I said.

"Come back and get me," she said. "I need a nap."

"You need more than a nap," the fountain said. "See Thomas in the tent of alterations. He can help you both."

I brushed my long hair from my eyes. While starving to death, I'd forgotten about our predicament with our hair growing quickly, not to mention my cursed gloves.

"Let's go check this out," I said.

Tabby sighed then replied, "Okay. Fine..."

I turned and walked toward the first row of tents. As the detailed signs in front came into view, my mood lightened. Forget the ghosts, this magical plaza oasis would help us reach the bottom level of the dungeon with enough stuff to win.

After walking a few steps, I found the Tent of Alterations. Inside, a man named Thomas greeted me with a wary look, saying, "Welcome. You have gold?"

"I do," I said, glancing around the tent.

The interior was more spacious than it had looked from the outside.

"Yeah, yeah," Thomas said. "The inside is bigger. It's a miracle. What can I do for you two? You're looking a bit scruffy."

"That's the problem. We drank some strange water from a fountain, and our hair started growing. It's not stopped since."

"Your hair started growing after you drank from the fountain outside?"

"No, no," I said. "Another part of the dungeon."

He nodded thoughtfully then stepped over.

"Can you please stop it?" Tabby asked.

Thomas glanced down at her.

"I'll remove the curse from both of you and get you looking good as new for a thousand gold or something equivalent."

"Deal," I said, nodding at a leather chair in the corner. "Should I sit down?"

"The cat goes first!" Thomas yelled.

I raised my hands in the air, not wanting to cause any problems.

"Just kidding," Thomas said. "I don't get many visitors. Have a seat."

I walked over to the chair and sat down. Thomas threw a dark green tarp over my front then loosely tied a string around my neck. I relaxed as he worked, clipping away at my unruly hair. He rubbed strange oils into my scalp after he finished.

"Wow," I said as he held a mirror in front of my face.

"My turn, my turn," Tabby said then jumped into my lap.

"Let me get up," I said.

After she hopped down, I stood and untied the apron, sending my hair to the floor. Tabby jumped back up on the chair, surprisingly calm. I walked over to the entrance of the tent and stared outside. What if the roguelike kept expanding? I wondered. The game had to have an ending at some point in the procedurally generated adventure.

Thomas finished with Tabby a few minutes later, breaking me out of my thoughts. I paid the thousand gold, happy to rid myself of the fast-growing hair curse.

"Great job," I said. "Thanks again."

"Don't mention it," he said in a surly voice.

I grinned then walked out of the tent with Tabby following at my side. Thomas had been much nicer than some of the other shopkeepers I'd met. With my backpack full of gems, gold, and more, I stopped in front of the next tent.

After shopping around, I found the best bargain on equipment that would make sure I never faced dehydration or starvation. Unable to resist, I threw in some other goodies.

Potions of Mega Healing x48 (all in tiny handbag of holding).

Grip of Enhancement – boost to Thor's Hammer – 3x attacks per round.

Golden Armor of Altruism – I was too evil to use it, but I bought it just in case.

Mega Sack of Holding – Hold huge items up to elephant size.

Scroll of Find Nourishment x2.

Scroll of Minor Burns.

Scroll of Fire & Fury.

Scroll of Recharge Wand x12

Oak Wand of Gem Detection [100/109] charges remaining.

Pine Wand of Remove Curse [5/9] charges remaining.

I only stopped when I ran out of gold and other items of value.

With a renewed sense of hope, I walked back to the fountain outside the random collection of tents in middle of the dungeon. Tabby hopped up on the ledge as I stopped. I couldn't imagine life without her.

To get to the bottom of the dungeon, defeat the Wizard of Yendro, and escape the roguelike with the Amulet of Yendro, I needed to be smart and strong. It would take excelling at both to succeed, mixed with a bit of luck. Roguelikes consistently relied on random chance to inject a sense of excitement into a game. That could be extremely dangerous.

"Time to go," I said.

"So soon?" the fountain asked. "I have more water."

"You're welcome to come with us," I said then laughed.

The stone fountain chuckled along with me.

"I'm afraid I'm stuck here," it said then sighed.

Tabby jumped off the fountain.

"Are you ready?" I asked. "The other tunnel must have the staircase down."

"I hope you're right," Tabby said. "I'm so ready to get out of here."

We approached the second massive tunnel, and I saw something at the end of it. The staircase down? We walked toward it.

"Thanks for not eating me earlier," Tabby said as we stopped at the top of the stairs. "Maybe we should go back and tell the shopkeepers the ghosts are coming."

"Nah, it'll be okay," I said.

"But, Alex, they're in danger."

"They're just NPCs," I said. "Don't worry about it."

"What do you mean? How can you be so mean? They're just like me."

"Tell them if you want," I said.

"Forget it," she said then walked down the tunnel.

I looked over my shoulder at the shopkeepers then followed the well-trimmed cat. Not more than fifty feet away from the entrance, I triggered another trap.

The floor opened below us. We gently fell deeper into the dungeon. My heart sank as I saw what awaited us below. Even with the cursed gloves gone, I had slim chances of winning the next battle.

YASD, here I come...

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 16 ::::>

Everyone Gets Stoned

You are on level 53 (-2150')

You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

You are gently falling like a feather.

You hear the rustling of animals below.

As we dropped toward a cavern packed full of creatures and monsters, I flapped my arms, trying to swim through the air to land closer to the door.

"Goodbye, Alex. It's been nice knowing you for this adventure."

"Don't talk like that," I said, breathing heavy as we floated down, closer to the floor.

I recognized an armored attack yak, several fluff balls, and an assortment of higher level creatures. The room curved, hiding some of them from my view.

"Good luck, Alex. I'll hold them off."

"What are you talking about?"

Tabby wriggled out of my grasp then leaped forward, the momentum pushing me closer to the door as I dropped. She fell quickly. I lost sight of her as animals growled and feasted on her flesh. When I hit the floor, I backed up, going through the doorway and into an empty hallway.

A dire baboon screamed then rushed through, swinging its arms ending in razor sharp claws. I lifted Thor's Hammer and attacked. The new Grip of Enhancement gave me three blows. All of them hit the brown baboon, its body dropped down to the floor as an armored yak rushed toward me.

The armored yak MUTILATES you for 97 damage.

You have [714/811] health remaining.

You DEVASTATE the armored yak for 45 damage.

You DECIMATE the armored yak for 38 damage.

You MAIM the armored yak for 56 damage.

The armored yak DISEMBOWELS you for 113 damage.

You have [701/811] health remaining.

You DISEMBOWEL the armored yak for 123 damage.

The armored yak is dead! (+1000 xp)

Its body blocked the passage partially, but an imp spell caster crawled over. The foot-tall creature with grey skin waved its arms, sending a flurry of Golden Bolts in my direction.

The Golden Bolt INJURES you for 12 damage.

The Golden Bolt HITS you for 9 damage.

The Golden Bolt GRAZES you for 6 damage.

The Golden Bolt HITS you for 13 damage.

The Golden Bolt SCRATCHES you for 3 damage.

The Golden Bolt GRAZES you for 7 damage.

The Golden Bolt INJURES you for 14 damage.

You have [637/811] health remaining.

I dispatched the imp spellcaster with Thor's Hammer for an additional thousand experience points. After it went down, I pulled out the Scroll of Fire and Fury. Time to light it up. After reading the arcane words I pointed my right hand. A fireball whizzed over the armored yak then flew toward the large zoo. Flames exploded in the room.

+1000 xp

+2000 xp

+3000 xp

+500 xp

+500 xp

I grinned at the kills even though I hadn't seen them. Screams of pain filled the hallway as I kept creeping backward, my eyes on the zoo's entrance.

A giant, white snake slithered over the pile of bodies and came toward me. With no decent wands from the tent shops on the level above, I hefted Thor's Hammer.

I ran forward and swung, saving the three chain lightning spells for something tougher. The mighty war hammer smashed the head of the snake—hard.

You DECIMATE the giant white snake for 35 damage.

You DEVASTATE the giant white snake for 49 damage.

You MAUL the giant white snake for 29 damage.

The giant white snake attempted to retreat, so I attacked again.

You MAUL the giant white snake for 29 damage.

You WOUND the giant white snake for 18 damage.

You MAIM the giant white snake for 60 damage.

The giant white snake is dead! (+1000 xp)

"Bring it!" I shouted.

Tabby my trusted companion had given her life for me. I couldn't let her down. Something yanked the armored yak backward, opening the hallway. A group of orcs rushed forward. I triggered Thor's Hammer to send a chain lightning toward them. The electricity hit the first one then jumped from one to another. All of them fell to the floor.

+500 xp

+500 xp

+500 xp

+500 xp

+500 xp

+500 xp

Minor creatures. I guess it could've been worse.

Before the next wave appeared, I dipped into my store of healing potions.

You feel better!

You have [811/811] health remaining.

Maybe I can outlast them all. Fighting in the hallway is helping.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw that it continued. A sinister cackle from the zoo got my attention. I raised Thor's Hammer and prepared myself as I turned.

Tabby, now a zombie cat, shambled down the hallway toward me. A necromancer in the zoo? Is that why they pulled the armored yak back? This is not good.

As the cat got closer, I pushed my emotions aside. Time to win this game. I used all three attacks, bashing her to a hopefully more permanent death. When she only gave me a hundred experience points, I glanced up, getting angrier. The armored yak, also raised from the dead, stumbled down the hall.

Five more imp spellcasters followed the big sack of flesh, shooting spells over its body and using it for protection. I stumbled back as another dozen Golden Bolts hit me. Then the yak reached me, opening its mouth to bite me. I swung Thor's Hammer then activated the second of my three chain lightning spells for the day.

Once again, the yak fell to the ground. The lightning took out all five imps too.

You get +1000 xp

You get +1000 xp

You get +1000 xp

You get +1000 xp

You get +1000 xp

You get +1000 xp

I couldn't wait until the end of the battle. Would I level again finally?

"Bring it, dirty necro!" I yelled.

The damn thing laughed at me. I considered running into the open room to take him out, but I still had no idea of the total number of monsters in the zoo. Better to stay in the hallway. I gripped the new leather handle of Thor's Hammer and waited for more creatures to come for me. After taking out so many, I felt confident about winning the entire encounter.

Three large, rabid rabbits hopped down the hallway toward me. I wanted to save the last chain lightning for the necromancer in the zoo room, so I swung the hammer instead. Bunny screams filled the hallway as we battled. They bit with giant buck-teeth while I brought Thor's Hammer down on them. One after another they fell.

I took some damage, but I had plenty of potions. You could never have enough healing potions in a roguelike. I quaffed one and brought my health back up to full. As a huge, thick alligator crawled toward me, I took a few more steps back. Maybe I could get more of them to line up and use the last chain lightning.

My reasoning was sound, but the eclectic mix of monsters had other ideas. I felt trapped in a crazy module written by Gary Gygax in the early days of role playing games. The alligator shimmied around the giant rabbits as I continued walking backward. Behind it, I saw an owlbear and green troll appear. A huge, floating nose floated at me next.

I zapped Thor's Hammer. The last shot of the day needed to be effective. After hitting the alligator, the chain lightning leaped to the other monsters in the hallway. The owlbear dropped, but the troll and floating nose kept moving forward. The necromancer laughed in the distance. Maybe I should run away to fight another day.

Wanting to live, I turned and took off at full speed down the dark hallway. Why hadn't I waited before coming down so deep in the dungeon? My stupid mistake at the Graveyard might cost me my life. The hallway twisted and turned a few times as I kept running. The sick sounds of the monsters followed me close behind. I pushed myself harder.

After running for several minutes, I spotted a literal light at the end of the tunnel. Safety? I rushed toward the brightly lit room, holding Thor's Hammer with both hands. When I reached the doorway, I stopped. My heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. Dozens of monsters turned from the far side of the huge room that curved.

I'd come all the way back around to the zoo without finding a staircase down to the next level. The tiny imps and gremlins didn't concern me too much, but the monsters who had been chasing me through the hallway did as they got closer. I scanned the room for any sign of the necromancer. Was he the toughest mob?

Better to stay in the tunnel. I turned and ran back into the darkness. Time to take a last stand. I swung at the green troll as he appeared. He stayed up. Something scurried behind me. I whirled around, ready to face anything...except for a cockatrice. The scaled beast with the head of a chicken rushed forward.

I swung Thor's Hammer, hitting it two times. On my third attack, I missed. And that would prove to be fatal. The cockatrice, barely alive, brushed against my bare forearm.

You turn to stone.

Everything faded away.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 17 ::::>

Speedrunning Levels

I went through many other characters before having another run with the possibility of winning. Some of the most memorable included those listed below.

Level 1 Scribe – Died by sneezing too hard in mold storm on level 3 (-150').

Level 3 Apothecary – Died by mixing up bad potion on level 2 (-100').

Level 1 Arctic Druid – Died of heat exhaustion on level 0 (0').

Level 13 Psionicist – Died of Exploding Brain Syndrome on level 12 (-600').

Level 2 Berserker – Died of alcohol poisoning in tavern on level 0 (0').

Level 15 Dandy – Died in hidden tavern on level 12 (-60').

Level 1 Thug – Died fighting orc clan on level 2 (-100').

Level 1 Bard – Died playing harp on level 2 (-100').

Level 2 Bard – Died playing banjo on level 1 (-50').

Level 1 Bard – Died playing flute on level 0 (0').

Level 24 Rogue - Ruthlessly murdered by Ruth on level 27 (-1350').

Level 3 Wizard - Broke leg kicking at the air then fell down stairs on level 1 (-50')

Level 1 Tourist – Zapped by DemonSpawn sword on level 1 (-50')

Level 9 Ranger – Choked on a semi-rotten egg on level 7 (-350')

Level 11 Mage – Slain by a wooden chest (mimic) on level 12 (-600')

Level 6 Knight – Fiery death by Wand of Fire explosion on level 5 (-250')

Level 2 Mage – Tickled to death by angry hobbit on level 3 (-150')

Level 5 Barbarian – Killed by shopkeeper on level 6 (-300')

After so many failures, I ended up with a strong Valkyrie with a white, miniature unicorn companion named Gloria. She cast spells and could tip a close melee battle too. With her help and a bit of luck, I leveled up quickly, descending to record depths in the latest random dungeon: The Pit of Magwa.

I searched for Dwarven Valhalla and The Graveyard, but neither special area of the game appeared. Ready to finish the final levels of the dungeon, I walked down yet another set of stairs with Gloria right behind me. A notification screen popped up as I reached the bottom of the steps and stopped.

You are on level 76 (-3800').

You are a Level 78 Valkyrie.

Your alignment is dubious.

The room we entered held nothing, so I called up my stats.

Name: Orange Seeker

Class: Valkyrie

Race: Dwarf

Level: 78

XP: 28,500,000

XP TO LVL: 500,000

Health: 1,472 hp

Magic: 711 mp

Alignment: 15 (Dubious)

Armor Class: 95 (Nearly Invincible)

Attacks per Round: 4

STR: 99 (+10 damage)

INT: 96 (+10 mp per level)

WIS: 77

DEX: 82 (+30% Dodge/Ranged Attacks, +4 AC)

CON: 103 (+15 hp per level)

CHA: 77 (+15% haggle/bargain)

One-Handed Blades / Basic Level 10 of 10

One-Handed Blades / Advanced Level 2 of 5

Use Magic Items / Basic Level 8 of 10

Languages: Common, Dwarven

You are Carrying:

a) Canteen – [32/48 ounces]

b) Wand of Fire Bolt [21/145 charges]

c) Bullseye Lantern (2130 minutes)

d) Huge Sack of Holding

e) Backpack of Storing

1) 22,232 gold coins

2) Trail Rations x21

3) Platypus Eggs x4 (+10% to hit, +10 damage, lasts 3 hours)

4) Sturdy Climbing Rope (60')

5) Potion of Cure Major Wounds x20

6) Potion of Cure Poison x

7) Potion of Blindness x5

8) Potion of Cure All Wounds x8

9) Box of Never-ending Bread (refills once per day)

10) Brass Wand of Digging [0/21 charges]

11) Birch Wand of Trap Detection [0/14 charges]

12) Blessed Porcupine Statuette (500 gp)

13) Oak Staff of Cancellation [0/4 charges]

14) Bell of Opening

EQUIPPED

Wielding: Ancient Carolingian Sword (+60% to hit, +50 damage, 2d100 damage)

Left Finger: Ring of Extra Attacks (+2 attacks)

Right Finger: Ring of Major Fire Resistance

Left Wrist: Bracers of Deflection (+10 Armor Class)

Right Wrist: Bracers of Speed (+1 attack)

Around Neck: Diamond Necklace of Endurance (+5 CON)

Light Source: Nightvision

On Body: Ancient Plate Mail (AC70 – Well Armored.)

Shield: Nothing

On Head: Helm of Distraction (+15 AC)

On Hands: Leather Gloves (+5 AC)

On Feet: Sandals

Ranged Weapon: Sling

In Pouch: 24 Stones (+20%,+25,2d10)

SPELLS:

Tier 1 Spells (Level 1 – 9):

  * Golden Bolts (2mp)
  * Identify (5mp)
  * Minor Sleep (8mp)

Tier 2 Spells (Level 10 – 19):

  * Lava Clumps (10mp)
  * Illusion of Stone (5mp per square foot)
  * Aura of Lesser Triumph (10mp per AC point)

Tier 3 Spells (Level 20 – 29):

  * Basic Magic Mapping (20mp)
  * Screamers' Charisma (20mp)

Tier 4 Spells (Level 30 – 39):

  * Better Magic Mapping (40mp)
  * Lance of Lightning (40mp)

Tier 5 Spells (Level 40 – 49):

  * Advanced Magic Mapping (50mp)
  * Minor Fireball (50mp)

Tier 6 Spells (Level 50 – 59):

  * Minor Word of Healing (60mp)
  * Berserker Summoning (60mp)
  * Burning Axe of Ooze (60mp)

Tier 7 Spells (Level 60 – 69):

  * Better Word of Healing (70mp)
  * The Four Runes of Fighter Seeking (70mp)

Tier 8 Spells (Level 70 – 79):

  * Major Word of Healing (100mp)
  * Magic Deflection (100mp per tier of spell to be deflected)

The most important part of my latest character build? Not a single inch of my body was exposed. If I ran into a cockatrice again, I'd be ready. After clearing five zoos on my descent into this dungeon and still not seeing one, I expected one to pop up at any minute.

"I smell magic, but we shouldn't get distracted," Gloria said.

"You're one to talk." I smiled. "Remember that side-quest on level forty-two?"

She laughed, her single horn glowing brighter.

"I sense someone coming," she said. "Be ready."

Sword in hand, I turned to the only door in the room. In the distance, someone cried out in distress. The screams got closer as I watched and waited. The door swung open, and a woman in a simple, white dress ran in. She screamed when she saw me. Blood drenched both of her hands.

"It's coming," she said. "Please save me."

This must be another quest. I'd been getting a lot of them.

"Sure," I said. "We'll help you."

An armored yak with a spear sticking out of its side barreled into the room. Blood squirted from the wound. The woman shrieked then ran to the stairs.

I stepped forward to attack as the injured creature advanced.

Your slash MANGLES the armored yak for 279 damage.

Your pierce DEMOLISHES the armored yak for 302 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the armored yak for 119 damage.

The armored yak is dead!

Combat is Over!

You have [28,505,000/29,000,000] xp.

Leveling is becoming so difficult.

"Not enough experience," I muttered.

"We'll find bigger monsters," Gloria said.

"That unicorn is talking," the woman with bloody hands said as she pointed to the unicorn.

"My name is Gloria," my companion replied. "Nice to meet you."

"She won't hurt you," I said as I put my sword away. "What's your name?"

"I'm Lady Thornburg," she replied, then burst into tears again.

"You're okay," I said, stepping over and handing her a cloth. "Clean your hands. Did you attack the yak?"

"Yes." She sobbed as she wiped off the blood. "I had no choice. They killed my mother."

"Who are they?" I asked.

"The monsters," she said. "Including that stupid yak!"

No game notification about a quest had popped up, but that didn't mean it wouldn't happen if I followed her around. She dropped the bloody cloth to the ground.

"Thanks so much for helping me avenge my mother."

"Hold on," Gloria said. "We didn't mention anything about avenging anyone."

"I need your help." Lady Thornburg turned away dramatically. "You're my only hope."

"Are you going to give us something if we kill the monsters who killed your mother?" I asked. "You know, like a magic sword or special set of armor?"

Gloria's eyes narrowed as she turned but said nothing.

"I know of a magic amulet," Lady Thornburg said. "I'll give it to you if you help me avenge my mother."

"Where are the monsters?" I asked.

She smiled. "This way."

I followed as she walked to the door she'd come through.

"Please hurry," she said. "There's not a lot of time."

Why the sense of urgency? Something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Can you tell us about the other monsters?" I asked, peering into the hallway.

"There's more ancient yaks, and I don't know what else," she said.

"How many monsters do you remember?" Gloria asked.

"I don't know..."

Lady Thornburg stopped to sob some more.

"You're fine," I said, walking past her. "Follow us."

I walked into the hallway and saw an open doorway in the distance. We stopped at it and peered out into an immense cavern with numerous exits leading in every direction. An entire herd of ancient armored yaks stood in the center of the room. I backed up into the hallway, hoping none of them had seen me.

"There's too many," Gloria whispered. "We should go."

"No," Lady Thornburg whined.

Both Gloria and I turned to shush her. She dropped her chin to her chest, sniffling, as I stepped forward and peeked at the herd of ancient armored yaks. When Lady Thornburg cried even louder, one of the massive, hairy beasts looked in our direction. Here we go. I stepped back and turned to Gloria.

"Keep her safe, but be ready to back me up if necessary."

"Okay, Alex."

I stroked the back of her neck a moment then ran into the cavern.

"Bring it, beasts!" I yelled as I rose my sword into the air.

Several of the yaks turned and charged toward me. I braced myself, waiting to dodge then attack the one on the left. After I ran to the side at the last moment, two of them ran into the hallway. The third felt my wrath.

Your slash MUTILATES the ancient armored yak for 89 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the ancient armored yak for 123 damage.

Your pierce MAIMS the ancient armored yak for 59 damage.

Your slash EVISCERATES the ancient armored yak for 145 damage.

The ancient armored yak is ready to flee!

It turned to run, battered and bloody. Four others rammed into me, causing damage and pushing me back toward the wall of the cavern.

The ancient armored yak MUTILATES you for 98 damage.

The ancient armored yak DISEMBOWELS you for 113 damage.

The ancient armored yak DEVASTATES you for 49 damage.

The ancient armored yak EVISCERATES you for 134 damage.

You have [1,078/1,472] health remaining.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the ancient armored yak for 113 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the ancient armored yak for 123 damage.

Your pierce DISMEMBERS the ancient armored yak for 159 damage.

Your slash EVISCERATES the ancient armored yak for 135 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

Before I could run or do anything, four of them surrounded me, all butting against me like bullies in high school.

The ancient armored yak DISEMBOWELS you for 104 damage.

The ancient armored yak DISEMBOWELS you for 113 damage.

The ancient armored yak MUTILATES you for 69 damage.

The ancient armored yak MAIMS you for 58 damage.

You have [734/1,472] health remaining.

Tired of messing around, I cast ten lances of lightning, sending each to different armored yaks. All of them hit, giving the big, dumb beasts something to think about while I healed.

You feel better!

You have [1,181/1,472] health remaining.

You feel better! You feel magical!

You have [1,247/1,472] health remaining.

You have [411/711] mana remaining.

I needed to get my potions out of the Bag of Holding, but I couldn't put down my sword. Not yet. The five yaks around me all attacked again.

The ancient armored yak MUTILATES you for 89 damage.

The ancient armored yak DISEMBOWELS you for 121 damage.

The ancient armored yak MUTILATES you for 79 damage.

The ancient armored yak MISSES you.

You have [958/1,472] health remaining.

With their blunt attacks, my armor wasn't doing much to protect me. I attacked with my sword to clear the closest ones off me.

You DISEMBOWEL the ancient armored yak for 103 damage.

You DISEMBOWEL the ancient armored yak for 123 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

You DISMEMBER the ancient armored yak for 199 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

You EVISCERATE the ancient armored yak for 149 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

After the third one dropped, the fourth ancient armored yak turned tail and fled. I ran over to the hallway to check on Gloria and Lady Thornburg.

"I've got this," the unicorn said.

Two dead yaks lay lifeless on the ground.

"Go get the others!" Gloria yelled.

I turned back to the cavern. Seven of the huge yaks remained, including the one near death. I reached into my Bag of Holding and pulled out a Potion of Cure all Wounds.

You feel extremely better!

You have [1,472/1,472] health remaining.

I had seven of the potions left, which meant I'd be able to take out the last of the yaks and anything else that came toward me. The remaining creatures attacked, galloping forward. Before they reached me, I cast two minor fireballs for a hundred mana. The dual explosions lit up the cavern. I smelled burnt hamburger in the air. Four of them continued forward.

"Die, worthless beasts!" I yelled then attacked.

Your slash MUTILATES the ancient armored yak for 89 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the ancient armored yak for 115 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

Your pierce DISMEMBERS the ancient armored yak for 159 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the ancient armored yak for 124 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

The ancient armored yak DISEMBOWELS you for 120 damage.

You have [1,353/1,472] health remaining.

Your slash MUTILATES the ancient armored yak for 89 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the ancient armored yak for 115 damage.

The ancient armored yak is dead! (+3000 xp)

Combat is Over!

You get + 45,000 xp

You have [28,550,000/29,000,000] xp.

I kept my sword up, waiting for anything else to come at me.

"Are you okay?" Gloria asked.

She walked into the cavern, followed by Lady Thornburg.

"I'm fine," I replied. "More of a nuisance than anything."

"Good," Lady Thornburg said. "Now we can go to the beasts that killed my mother."

"Wait," I said. "These weren't them?"

"No," she said. "I ran into this cavern while trying to escape the dangerous monsters."

Gloria turned her head to me then shook it. I sighed. Just when I thought it was getting easy, the roguelike changed things up on me.

"We have to at least go see what's there," I said. "My health and mana are still okay."

"I think we should look for the stairs down and leave to the next level," Gloria said. "I've got a bad feeling about all of this."

"Scared of a few monsters, are you?" I teased.

Gloria sighed. "Okay, but I warned you. We're so close to the end."

"I'm not dying again," I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You'll avenge my mother?" Lady Thornburg asked.

"Probably," I said. "What are these other monsters?"

She frowned. "I don't know their name."

"Of course not..." I sighed. "Okay, let's go get this over with."

More mana or a few powerful wands would've been nice, but we had to keep going. I hoped Lady Thornburg would at least give us a decent item at the end of the pseudo-quest.

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking around for another exit.

"To find the last monster?" Lady Thornburg laughed.

"Stop messing with us," I snapped.

Lady Thornburg grinned.

"Your wish is my command."

She snapped her fingers and transformed into the Wizard of Yendro.

"Regina!" I shouted as I lifted my sword. "We don't have to do this!"

"We do," she said. "You must kill me or die, and I'm not letting you kill me."

She raised her arms to cast, her face hidden by a horrendous mask.

The Wizard of Yendro OBLITERATES you for 439 damage.

You have [914/1,472] health remaining.

Oh, crap. I'm so not ready for this...

Regina laughed, looking deadly as the Wizard of Yendro. I wondered how many times she'd played the game before turning to the dark side and becoming the villain. No time to ask. She has to die, so I can beat the game. I screamed then attacked.

Your slash DECIMATES the Wizard of Yendro for 34 damage.

Your slash MAULS the Wizard of Yendro for 23 damage.

Your pierce INJURES the Wizard of Yendro for 14 damage.

Your slash MAULS the Wizard of Yendro for 24 damage.

The Wizard of Yendro is not concerned.

Come on. How am I supposed to kill her with that kind of protection?

Regina howled with laughter then cast another spell—a green fireball.

The Wizard of Yendro ERADICATES you for 539 damage.

You have [375/1,472] health remaining.

You feel woozy.

I gripped my sword. One more spell, and she would kill me. What to do?

Gloria, bless her, decided without any direction from me. She ran over and brushed against my leg.

"Inverin!" she yelled to cast a spell.

We teleported to a safe place.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 18 ::::>

Guess I'm a Thief Then

You are on level 79 (-3950')

You are a Level 78 Valkyrie.

You hear someone cursing shoplifters.

"Nice," Gloria said after we landed. "We teleported into the room with stairs down to level eighty. This is going well."

I nodded. "Time to heal..."

As Gloria glanced around, I drank another Potion of Cure All Wounds.

You feel extremely better!

You have [1,472/1,472] health remaining.

"Should we go straight down?" Gloria asked.

"Not yet," I said. "There's a shop on this level. We should check it out."

"You're the boss, boss."

I smiled then left the room via the only door. The hallway behind it twisted and turned a few times before leading us to an open doorway. I peeked through it and into the room beyond, my sword drawn and at the ready.

"All clear," I said.

Gloria followed me into the hexagon shaped room. The layouts had become more elaborate the deeper we delved down the dungeon.

"I can smell magic nearby, Alex."

Having a companion like Gloria in the roguelike had made all the difference.

"I could cast a spell, but I want to save the magic points," I said. "The shop should be right over...here."

Gloria followed me across the room to one of the other five doors. Here goes nothing. I opened the fancy, carved door and saw a brightly lit shop full of all sorts of magic items. I grinned and walked forward. Gloria followed me inside.

"Hold on," the shopkeeper snapped. "You can't bring a dirty unicorn in here, not even a tiny one. That's disgusting and uncivilized!"

"That's discrimination," I countered, furrowing my brow.

"No," he said. "It's not. This is my business, and I refuse to serve you."

His tone held steady, not rising despite the anger on his face.

"Fine," I relented. "The unicorn will stay outside."

"Perfect," the shopkeeper said in a snooty tone.

I went outside to the hallway and stroked behind Gloria's left ear.

"This is how it's going to do down. You go to the down staircase and wait for me."

"What are you going to do, Alex?" Gloria asked.

"Don't worry about it. Go and be ready for something big."

"I need to know what's going on," she insisted.

"Please don't fight me on this one."

"Okay...but be careful? Okay?"

"Promise."

I watched as she trotted back the way we'd come. After she walked out of sight, I turned and entered the shop again—King Egbert's Emporium of Adventure and Folly.

"Our name is long, but our prices are short," the shopkeeper said, smiling as I entered. "You have gold, right?"

"I've got plenty of gold," I said. "Don't worry."

His smile widened as I patted my Sack of Holding. I wandered into the vast room full of tables and glass display cases.

"You have any bombs?" I asked casually as I browsed.

"A few," the shopkeeper said. "Why?"

"No reason," I said, picking up a ring.

You have a Ring of Teleport Control.

I smiled. This will come in handy.

With the ring still in my hand, I continued to the display case next to the table with rings. The shopkeeper hurried over, stopping on the other side of the glass box.

"Can I see that zinc wand?" I asked.

"It's a powerful Wand of Extreme Damage. You likely can't afford it."

"Oh? I can't?"

I reached into the sack at my side and pulled out a handful of gems.

"Do these change your mind?" I asked as I set them on top of the glass.

"We deal in gold only," the shopkeeper said. "You do have gold, don't you?"

"I have plenty of gold. Maybe I should spend it somewhere else?"

The shopkeeper crossed his arms over his chest. "You're not going to find better prices anywhere," he said. "Or my name's not Dave."

"Let me see the wand," I said, holding out my hand.

He sighed then opened the back of the glass display case. I looked up the stats when I had it in my hand. Not too shabby. It did 3d100 of non-elemental damage per charge.

"Doesn't have many charges left," I said.

"I'll throw in a Scroll of Recharge," the shopkeeper said. "Anything else you need?"

"Still looking..."

The shopkeeper stood back as I continued to the next table. My eyes widened. Excalibur? The sword? I reached for the hilt then picked it up. Such a light blade.

"You're not so heavy yourself," a new voice said in my mind.

I checked the stats on the blade.

Excalibur (ARTEFACT) – (+60% to hit,+100 damage,3d100 damage) – Sentient, this sword can cast three spells per day as situations arise. Only good alignments may wield this weapon.

"What spells do you have?"

"I'm not going to tell you," the sword answered with a chipper voice in my mind.

After playing the roguelike so long, I'd begun to notice all the AI characters in the game—like Tabby and Gloria—were getting more assertive. Did the same hold true in the Tower of Gates, the game outside the roguelike?

"Fine. Your decision. Will you come with me?"

"Your alignment is good enough," Excalibur said. "We shall see if I stay with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Think about it, Alex."

"Hold on a minute. I didn't tell you my name."

"You didn't need to tell me. I'm in your mind, remember?"

"Oh...Even more invasive that the telepathy with Gloria and my other companions?"

"Yes, Alex. We'll have a special bond."

"Problems?" the shopkeeper asked.

"No," I said, lifting Excalibur. "I'll be taking this sword too."

"As long as you have the gold," Dave said. "The sword is yours."

The price tag listed two million gold, much more than I had on me. As the shopkeeper continued staring, I walked to the last table in the first row. Bottles and vials of all shapes, sizes and colors filled the entire surface. The bigger ones had been placed behind the smaller potions in front. I glanced over all the amazing magic items.

  * Potion of True Sight (1000 gp) – See invisible creatures, traps, and more. Last two hours.
  * Flask of the Ancestors (10,000 gp) – Refills with elderberry wine once per day.
  * Potion of Cure Light Wounds (500 gp) – A watery oil, contained in a square bottle sealed with wax.
  * Potion of Hide from Undead (50 gp) – A watery silver tincture, contained in a square crystal bottle.
  * Potion of Remove Disease (750 gp) – This watery liquid causes motes of red light to appear when used.
  * Oil of Invisibility (300 gp) – This variegated oil smells like cedar.
  * Potion of Resist Electricity (300 gp) – This fuming liquid smells metallic.
  * Potion of Restore All Mana (3,000 gp) – This fuming liquid smells metallic.
  * Potion of Heroism (750 gp) – This bubbling elixir causes flames to turn blue when used.
  * Potion of Protection from Acid (750 gp) – This clear oil causes shadows to appear darker when used.
  * Potion of Tongues (750 gp) – A watery blue tincture, contained in a cylindrical iron flask.
  * Potion of Invisibility (1,000 gp) – This bubbling oil smells like strong ale.

"Your prices are high," I called over my shoulder.

"I only sell the best," the shopkeeper shot back.

How to steal so many potions? Still without a concrete plan, I kept browsing. The next glass case on the back wall of the shop contained several amulets.

"You don't have the Amulet of Yendro, do you?" I asked.

"There's only one of those. Why do you ask?"

I turned and saw the shopkeeper staring at me with a worried look on his face.

"Calm down," I said. "No need to be afraid."

He snorted. "I've no reason to be afraid of the likes of you."

"Time to take everything, Excalibur. You with me?"

"No, Alex. Evil is wrong. The game..."

I blocked the sword's voice from entering my mind as I set it down. While a legendary sword would be nice, I didn't need an alignment penalty getting in my way.

"The sword doesn't belong there," the shopkeeper said.

I turned to him and cast a Minor Fireball. His eyes widened in terror as the ball of flame hit him then exploded brilliantly. Did I destroy some of the shop items? The shopkeeper leaped over the glass counter in a single, fluid motion then raised his hands in the air. Excalibur flew toward him, landing in his hands.

With murder in his eyes, he walked toward me. I cast Burning Axe of Ooze twice to keep him busy while I searched the rest of the tables for an item to end the battle. I'd never restored my mana completely from the battle with the Wizard of Yendro, so I only had two hundred and seventy-one points left. I stepped to the table full of potions and picked up one that restored mana.

"You drink it, you bought it!" the shopkeeper yelled as he made his way toward me.

He swung Excalibur, missing the two magic, Burning Axes of Ooze.

"Guess I'll have this one too," I said, quaffing the Potion of Speed.

I felt invincible as I zipped over to the shopkeeper. He swung at an axe as I attacked.

Your slash MAULS the shopkeeper for 22 damage.

Your slash DECIMATES the shopkeeper for 34 damage.

Your slash MAULS the shopkeeper for 22 damage.

Your slash DECIMATES the shopkeeper for 34 damage.

Your slash MAULS the shopkeeper for 22 damage.

Your slash DECIMATES the shopkeeper for 34 damage.

CRITICAL HIT!

Your slash DEMOLISHES the shopkeeper for 395 damage.

DOUBLE CRITICAL HIT!

Your slash OBLITERATES the shopkeeper for 420 damage.

The shopkeeper is dead! (+100,000 xp)

You have [28,650,000/29,000,000] xp.

I took a deep breath. Excalibur fell to the stone floor, clanging loudly. A loud warning gong sounded in the distance as a notification popped up.

You have committed an evil act.

You're a wanted man.

You get -90 alignment.

Your alignment is -80.

That's not good. All lawful creatures would aggro-attack me on sight. As I rummaged through the rest of the items in the shop, I hoped the treasure would make up for the alignment penalty in the long run. With Gloria still too far away to communicate with, I rushed through the shop and started throwing items into my huge sack of holding.

I'd go through them all later, but I took note of what I got.

  * You get a Red Spell Book
  * You get a Scroll of Visions
  * You get a Scroll of Darkvision
  * You get a Scroll of Knight Armor
  * You get a +10 Mace of Disarming
  * You get a +10 Bow of Flames
  * You get Boots of Teleport
  * You get Boots of Water Walking
  * You get Amulet of Water Breathing
  * You get Amulet of Sleep
  * You get a glass Wand of Light [145/155] charges remaining.
  * You get a marble Wand of Create Monster [13/14] charges remaining.
  * You get a forked Wand of Speed Monster [144/144] charges remaining.
  * You get a Ring of Stealth
  * You get a +5 Ring of Charisma
  * You get a +5 Ring of Intelligence
  * You get a +5 Ring of Dexterity
  * You get a magic flute.

I also threw in the potions and other items I'd identified. Just as I finished, three armored Keystone Kops ran into the room with their swords drawn.

"Thief!" the Sergeant Cop yelled, pointing an accusatory finger.

"He attacked me first," I lied.

"Get 'em boys!"

All three pushed the tables and glass cases aside as they moved toward me.

You are no longer speedy.

Not a problem.

I slipped on the Boots of Teleport and the Ring of Teleport Control.

Where would you like to go?

I grinned, quickly finding Gloria and the stairs down.

My surroundings changed instantaneously as I activated the item.

"What happened?" Gloria asked after I appeared next to her.

"Don't worry about it." I walked toward the staircase leading down. "We should go. Ready?"

"Are you evil now, Alex? I'm not sure I want to be with someone who is evil."

"Things happen," I said. "This is just a stupid game. Lighten up."

"You're making no sense," Gloria said.

I stepped onto the stairs, glancing over my shoulder.

"Stay here if you want, but I don't recommend it," I said.

Gloria sighed then followed me to the next level of the dungeon.

We'd come so far. The new items would help me win the game.

Once I defeated the Wizard of Yendro, I'd leave the roguelike.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 19 ::::>

Best Weapon Ever

You are on level 80 (-4200')

You are a Level 78 Valkyrie.

You are a wanted man.

"Another boss level," I said. "Keep your eyes open."

Gloria nodded her head, looking around the room.

"Two exits," she said. "Which way do we go?"

"Left," I said, going with my gut.

"You've got us this far."

I walked over to the door. My two-handed blade had been nice at one point, but I needed to start looking for a better weapon. Excalibur would've been nice if it hadn't been tied to good aligned characters. I turned the handle and saw a torch-lined hallway. Gloria followed me as I walked, wondering about the boss on the level.

The next room impressed me with the intricate carved wood around the doorways. Four on the same wall led to hallways. I smelled fire and brimstone in the distance. Dragon? Behind me, I heard several Keystone Kops yelling. As their voices drew closer, I slipped into one of the hallways leading deeper into the level. Gloria clip-clopped beside me.

We emerged a few minutes later in a throne room. The vaulted ceiling rose at least a hundred feet above the floor. A dark red dragon lounged on a marble platform across from us. It raised its scaled head, eyeing us as we entered the room.

"You dare disturb me?" it asked in a deep, thunderous tone.

"Guards are after me," I said. "Can you help?"

The red dragon laughed, smoke coming out of its nostrils.

"Die, puny human!"

It opened its mouth, spewing fire in my direction.

The flames bounce off you.

I grinned as the dragon sat up, stunned at my fire resistance. Gloria cast a Dome of Protection to save herself from the blast. Several Keystone Kops, including a Kop Captain, ran into the room as I attacked the ancient, red-scaled beast with my sword.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the red dragon for 114 damage.

Your pierce EVISCERATES the red dragon for 145 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the red dragon for 54 damage.

Your slash DEVASTATES the red dragon for 45 damage.

The red dragon is not concerned.

"Get the thief!" the Kop Captain said.

The dragon attacked with its claws as several of the Keystone Kops surrounded me and did the same. I ate the damage while deciding my best course of action.

The dragon claws MUTILATE you for 98 damage.

The dragon claws MAIM you for 58 damage.

The Keystone Kop MAULS you for 24 damage.

The Keystone Kop WOUNDS you for 19 damage.

The Keystone Kop WOUNDS you for 16 damage.

The Keystone Kop MAULS you for 21 damage.

You have [1,236/1,472] health remaining.

Not too bad. Time to clear out some of these pests. I turned to the Keystone Kops and went to work. With four natural attacks, I took two of them down.

Early in the game they'd been terrifying mobs to stay away from at all costs, but I'd become powerful enough to take down two in a single round of combat.

The dragon rose, sitting on its haunch and observing the scene. I ran through the line of Keystone Kops, attacking along the way. Two more died, dropping to the floor.

"I'll kill all of you!" the dragon roared.

He blasted his breath weapon, filling the entire throne room with flames. My ring protected me, but the rest of the Keystone Kops all burned, even their commander.

"Why do you resist my fiery death?" the dragon asked.

I didn't answer as I rushed forward with my two-handed sword held over my head. The blade came down on the dragon's tough hide, barely doing any damage.

"Won't catch me off guard twice," the dragon said then cast a spell.

A lightning bolt zoomed from his clawed hands and hit me.

The lightning DISMEMBERS you for 156 damage.

You have [1,080/1,472] health remaining.

Your slash MAULS the red dragon for 25 damage.

Your slash WOUNDS the red dragon for 17 damage.

Your pierce DECIMATES the red dragon for 35 damage.

Your slash MAULS the red dragon for 29 damage.

Did he cast a protection spell or something? None of my hits were doing near enough damage to take him down. The dragon roared then swiped at me with both sets of his massive, sharp claws.

The dragon claw MUTILATES you for 69 damage.

The dragon claw DISEMBOWELS you for 115 damage.

You have [896/1,472] health remaining.

I thought about teleporting out, but I resisted. We needed the experience from the kill. Good dragon-loot would be helpful too.

"A little back-up?" I yelled, not seeing Gloria.

The dragon roared. I attacked. Four more hits with minor damage followed by two more swipes of the dragon claws across my armored chest. Ouch.

The dragon claw DISMEMBERS you for 151 damage.

The dragon claw MUTILATES you for 72 damage.

You have [673/1,472] health remaining.

I drank another Potion of Cure All Wounds to top myself off. The dragon got in an extra attack while I drank, casting another lightning bolt.

The lightning MASSACRES you for 203 damage.

You have [1,269/1,472] health remaining.

Great timing on the potion, but I need to take this beast down.

I yelled and targeted my attacks on the soft underbelly of the dragon.

The tactic worked as I scored a critical hit when I needed it most.

Your slash MUTILATES the red dragon for 62 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the red dragon for 58 damage.

Your pierce DEVASTATES the red dragon for 42 damage.

CRITICAL HIT!

Your pierce MASSACRES the red dragon for 242 damage.

The red dragon has noticed you.

I grinned, hopped up on adrenaline. The dragon moved to cast. Gloria interrupted with a spell of her own—flashing lights that blinded the massive reptile.

With a final battle-cry, I rushed the dais where the red dragon sat hunched up. Four more attacks went right for its soft underbelly. All of them hit. Yes!

The red dragon is dead! (+150,000 xp)

You get +360,000 xp

You have [29,010,000/29,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP! I grinned as I saw another forty-two health points and fourteen mana added to my character. After looking around for traps, I searched the room and found a huge chest that wasn't even locked. Cocky dragons.

You get a Potion of Gain Level.

You get 1,003,391 gold.

You get 12,000 gems.

You get a Potion of Speed (2x attacks for 20 rounds).

You get a Potion of Triples (3x attacks for 30 rounds).

I stuffed the gold into my sack of holding then drank the Potion of Gain Level right away since I'd just leveled up.

Level Up!

+34 hp

+11 mp

So close to the end of the dungeon and escape.

I found the staircase down behind the dragon's throne. Gloria followed by my side. One more boss before the Wizard of Yendro. Am I ready? How do I make sure I can defeat her? As I descended the stairs, I pushed the questions aside to concentrate on finding answers.

* * * * *

You are on level 81 (-4200')

You are a Level 80 Valkyrie.

You are a wanted man.

Another city-level, I thought to myself as I surveyed the main road through the throng of buildings, some three stories high. Gloria stood next to me, shaking her head. Had stealing from the shop been worth it? She'd been treating me differently since it happened.

"Let's find the stairs down first," I said then cast Advanced Magic Mapping.

A map of the entire city hovered before me. The stairs were on the opposite side, but the main street would take us right to them. I saw markers for many humanoids and items between us and the exit from the level.

"Don't get sidetracked again," Gloria said.

She amazed me with how close she resembled Tabby sometimes.

"We're doing good, but you're right," I said, stepping forward.

Two steps away from the stairs leading into the vast, open cavern, a man in chainmail covered with white cloth stepped in our path. He tilted his head back, staring down his nose at us as he held a bloody steel mace aloft.

"You're under arrest," he said. "Don't give me any trouble."

I shook my head as I drew my weapon.

"That sword's all you have?" he asked then laughed.

"Correction," I said. "This sword's all I need."

I screamed to throw him off as I rushed forward. Two other men dressed the same ran toward us, weapons drawn. My first four attacks hit the first knight.

Your slash EVISCERATES the white knight for 129 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the white knight for 112 damage.

Your pierce MAIMS the white knight for 59 damage.

Your pierce EVISCERATES the white knight for 134 damage.

The white knight is battered.

As I finished my attack, the two others arrived, swinging a flail and broadsword.

The white knight DISEMBOWELS you for 104 damage.

The white knight MUTILATES you for 98 damage.

You have [1,346/1,548] health remaining.

You feel protected!

"Thanks, Gloria!" I shouted after her buff then attacked.

Your slash EVISCERATES the white knight for 127 damage.

Your slash DISMEMBERS the white knight for 152 damage.

Your pierce MAIMS the white knight for 56 damage.

Your pierce EVISCERATES the white knight for 134 damage.

The white knight is dead! (+30,000 xp)

I saw the knight with the flail quaff a potion. He glowed purple, screamed, then attacked with a rage I'd never seen before.

The white knight DISMEMBERS you for 154 damage.

The white knight MANGLES you for 254 damage.

The white knight MASSACRES you for 201 damage.

You have [737/1,548] health remaining.

Ouch. I need some of his potion.

Gloria ran forward and head-butted the knight, startling him

I used the moment to gain an attack of opportunity.

Your slash EVISCERATES the white knight for 129 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the white knight for 112 damage.

Your pierce MAIMS the white knight for 59 damage.

Your pierce EVISCERATES the white knight for 134 damage.

The white knight is dead! (+30,000 xp)

The last remaining knight tore into me with his flail.

The white knight EVISCERATES you for 127 damage.

The white knight DISEMBOWELS you for 114 damage.

The white knight DISMEMBERS you for 157 damage.

You have [339/1,548] health remaining.

Not many Potions of Cure All Wounds remained, but they wouldn't help me if I died. I grabbed one out of the Sack of Holding and gave up my attack to drink it down.

You feel better!

You have [1,548/1,548] health remaining.

Still raging, the knight attacked again.

The white knight MASSACRES you for 212 damage.

The white knight DISMEMBERS you for 154 damage.

The white knight MUTILATES you for 99 damage.

You have [1,083/1,548] health remaining.

Your slash EVISCERATES the white knight for 143 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the white knight for 110 damage.

Your pierce MISSES the white knight.

Your pierce DISEMBOWELS the white knight for 114 damage.

The white knight is dead! (+30,000 xp)

Combat is Over!

You get + 90,000 xp

You have [31,090,000/32,000,000] xp.

Such a long way to go. The grind is real.

I searched their bodies. Only one of the items dropped excited me—ultra-rare Gauntlets of the Barbarian Oath. They gave me a +30 STR bonus, which pushed me to a natural 103. An extra fifteen damage per attack would add up, especially with the Potion of Triples I'd found. I grinned. This game can be beat, and I'm going to do it.

I slipped on the gauntlets.

"Let's get going," I said, walking down the road through the city.

Gloria cautiously stepped forward.

"I feel so bad for them," she said. "They were only trying to enforce the warrant for our arrest. I bet they had families."

"You can't arrest someone in a dungeon," I said. "That's just dumb."

"Do you think I'm dumb, Alex?"

I sighed. "No, but you can be a bit too literal sometimes."

"I don't understand," she said.

"Exactly," I replied as we kept walking.

Most people averted their eyes as we passed, but a brave few stared us down for our dastardly deed at the edge of the city. I didn't care.

"Shame!" someone yelled.

Another person threw a rotten tomato that landed a foot in front of me.

"Don't let them antagonize you," Gloria said.

She was right. Once again, I thanked the game for my companion. I stopped at a few shops in the city, but none of them had anything of value. Frustrated, I continued to the other side of the city and the stairs leading down to the next level of the dungeon.

When I reached the edge of the city, I saw a dark tunnel leading out of the main cavern. Outside the cave entrance, I saw a couple stone statues of people in weird poses. What's all this about? I wondered.

"These are the strangest sculptures I've ever seen," I said.

Gloria laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

I glanced down at the unicorn. "What do you mean?"

"They're not carved statues," she said.

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. "What are they?"

"People turned to stone, Alex."

I frowned. She was right. Again.

"Crap," I said, glancing into the cave. "Might be a cockatrice or a medusa. I'd prefer the former. Or maybe it's a wizard with a wand or spell."

"We should teleport down to the next level," Gloria said. "It's safer."

"I've got a score to settle if it's a cockatrice."

"No, Alex," Gloria said.

I ignored her and drank all the Potions of Cure Serious Wounds.

"Stay alert..." I stepped into the tunnel, sword drawn.

With each step, my heart beat faster. I expected a chicken-headed lizard to jump out at any moment. Better that than a medusa. If a medusa appeared, I'd teleport to safety.

"Gloria, be ready to teleport if needed."

"Will do, Alex."

I continued forward, following the twists and turns of the tunnel. Was I making yet another stupid mistake? If I could win, I could keep the cockatrice corpse as a weapon. With the power to turn enemies to stone, I'd be able to descend to the final level of the dungeon without any problems. I took another few steps. Something squawked further down the hall.

This is it. Be ready.

I rounded another corner and came face to face with the devious creature I hated above almost all others. The cockatrice squawked then ran forward. Before attacking up close, I sheathed my weapon and summoned a berserker via spell. The barbarian popped into existence then ran forward to attack the cockatrice. It turned to stone instantly.

With another wave of my hands, I cast Burning Axe of Ooze twice. The magical weapons floated toward the cockatrice, distracting it as I pulled my weapon. Gloria stayed behind me, casting a few simple buff spells on me as the cockatrice flew right between the magic axes and came at me, fast. I held my sword like a baseball bat, waiting for the perfect moment to swing. My weapon struck the cockatrice dead on.

Critical Hit!

Your slash DISMEMBERS the cockatrice for 199 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the cockatrice for 59 damage.

Your slash DEVASTATES the cockatrice for 42 damage.

Your slash DECIMATES the cockatrice for 32 damage.

The cockatrice has noticed you.

After another squawk, the creature retreated into the glowing magical axes floating behind it. It let out an unearthly scream. Overflowing with confidence, I attacked again.

Your slash MUTILATES the cockatrice for 99 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the cockatrice for 52 damage.

Your slash MUTILATES the cockatrice for 62 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the cockatrice for 53 damage.

The cockatrice is ready to flee.

It turned and flew down the tunnel.

"No, you don't," I shouted, running after it.

The burning axes followed me as I chased down the chicken-headed creature.

"Careful!" Gloria warned. "We're running through this tunnel quickly. It might be a trap."

I appreciated her concern, but I didn't slow down. The cockatrice stopped and turned. As it raced toward me on the floor, I attacked.

Your slash DECIMATES the cockatrice for 39 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the cockatrice for 52 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the cockatrice for 52 damage.

Your slash MAULS the cockatrice for 24 damage.

The cockatrice is dead! (+40,000 xp)

Combat is Over!

You get +40,000 xp

You have [31,130,000/32,000,000] xp.

I triumphantly raised my sword in the air with one hand.

"Yes!" I shouted as Gloria walked up.

"Be careful," I said. "You don't want to get stoned."

"Are you sure it's a good idea to carry that around?" she asked. "What if we fall into a pit and it touches us?"

"You worry too much," I said, putting away my sword.

Ever so carefully, I picked up the corpse while wearing my brand new Gauntlets of the Barbarian Oath. The dead, limp lizard with a chicken-head looked odd in my hand, but I didn't care. Anything I touched with it would be instantly turned to stone.

"Let's go," I said, continuing forward.

A few hundred yards away, we found the stairs down to the next level at the end of the tunnel. I took them slowly—one at a time—to make sure I didn't trip and fall. The cockatrice corpse could be a powerful weapon, but I needed to be careful. Gloria followed close behind, mumbling to herself about us needing to be smarter.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 20 ::::>

Crafting in a Dungeon

You are on level 82 (-4100')

You are a Level 80 Valkyrie.

I stopped at the end of the stairs and looked around. Another room with a variable number of exits and no items. I cast a map spell to make it easier on myself.

"Time to grind," I said.

"What do you mean?" Gloria asked.

"Just keep going and don't stop," I answered.

She cocked her head to the side as she stared up at me.

"That's what we usually do, isn't it?"

I smiled, loving her naivety.

"Yeah, but now we'll do it with less complaining."

"I don't think that's possible, Alex."

"Maybe not," I said, reaching down to rub behind her ears. She closed her eyes, moaning in pleasure until I stopped rubbing.

"Come on," I said. "Let's do this."

We left the room and followed another hallway. Monsters came at us, but with the cockatrice corpse wielded, I stopped everything in my path, literally.

The Wombat is Dead!

You get the loot.

The Monster is Dead!

You get more things.

The repetition of the grind was real, my friends. I struggled to finish the roguelike.

One more level. Let me make the next upgrade, just one more skill level.

My confidence had grown as my Valkyrie descended farther than any other character I'd played in the roguelike. By the time I cleared the level, I'd gained another 900,000 experience points and leveled up again, gaining thirty-one health and five mana.

I thought about hanging around for more monsters to spawn, so I could get even more experience points. Gloria convinced me to keep moving. We needed to get to the bottom and defeat the Wizard of Yendro. I had to kill my friend Regina.

* * * * *

You are on level 83 (-4100')

You are a Level 81 Valkyrie.

You kill the Winged Gargoyle.

You slay the Gnome King.

You overpower the Mind Flayer.

You tickle the Tengu to death.

You smite the Leprechaun King.

You defeat the Giant Mimic.

You take out the Giant Wumpus.

You get +750,000

You have [33,050,000/33,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+45 health

+7 mana

I methodically went from room to room, stoning everything in my path. The experience points added up as I occasionally found a good potion or three in a stash. I kept grinding. The deeper I delved into the dungeon, the slower I went. Dying at such a low level would be horrible. I wasn't sure I'd be able to start over from the very beginning one more time.

"Here's the stairs," Gloria said as we entered yet another similar room. "Can we rest for a while?"

"Not yet. I want to keep moving. Just one more level..."

"That's what you said last level," she whined.

I ignored her and went down the stairs.

* * * * *

You are on level 84 (-4100')

You are a Level 82 Valkyrie.

You kill the Fire Bat.

You slay the Grey Dragon.

You overpower the Mega Slime.

You defeat the Earth Elemental.

You take out the Water Elemental.

You kill the Titan x3

You get +1,050,000

You have [34,100,000/34,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+52 health

+3 mana

You get a Potion of Raise Level.

You get a Potion of Cure All Wounds (x3)

You get a Wand of Light [15/19] charges.

You get a Wand of Polymorph [??/32] charges.

You get 10,000 gp.

The notifications ran together as I kept plowing toward my goal. I immediately quaffed the Potion of Raise Level.

You feel more experienced!

You have [35,100,000/35,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+32 health

+2 mana

I grinned. Another level cleared.

I went down the stairs.

* * * * *

You are on level 85 (-4100')

You are a Level 84 Valkyrie.

You kill the Water Troll.

You defeat the Umber Hulk.

You slay the Vlad the Vampire.

You take out the Wraith (x5)

You take out the Mummy (x10)

You get +1,050,000

You have [36,150,000/36,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+51 health

+11 mana

You get a Potion of Raise Level.

You get a Potion of Cure Light Wounds (x13)

You get a +10 Ring of Protection

You get 18,000 gp.

Finally. A string of luck.

I quaffed the Potion of Raise Level.

You feel experienced!

You have [37,150,000/37,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+34 health

+12 mana

I grew tired of the repetition, but I continued downward. Would I find the Wizard of Yendro at level one-hundred? Or would the dungeon just keep on going, endlessly creating new levels for me to explore before I messed up and died? I pushed the negative thought out of my mind as I kept grinding.

* * * * *

You are on level 86 (-4100')

You are a Level 86 Valkyrie.

You kill the Minotaur King.

You defeat the Orange Naga.

You slay the Green Naga.

You overcome the Orc High Priest.

You take out Charles the Enforcer.

You get +1,150,000

You have [38,300,000/38,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+61 health

+14 mana

You get Potion of Cure All Wounds (x4).

You get (13) Loaves of Bread.

You get Oil of Blessing (x2).

You get Naga Armor (Rare, Glowing).

You get Crown of Rings – Each six spikes of the crown can "wear" a ring that will activate its powers.

Nice. I immediately put on every beneficial ring. My abilities and stats soared.

"Getting closer." I glanced down at Gloria.

She looked up and smiled. "I have to admit, we're doing great."

"Don't jinx it," I said as we stood at the top of another staircase leading down. "Come on. Only three more levels until the next boss level."

"If she's down there," Gloria said.

"She will be," I said confidently as I cautiously moved down the stairs one at a time.

I needed to be careful with each and every single step if I wanted to survive. One small mistake, and I would have to start all over at the beginning. The thought terrified me, but I kept pushing it out of my mind, concentrating on the roguelike.

* * * * *

You are on level 87 (-4100')

You are a Level 87 Valkyrie.

You kill Sharon Sasquatch.

You kill Cecil Sasquatch.

You kill Adolescent Sasquatch (x3).

You kill the Iron Golem.

You kill the Steel Golem.

You kill the Ear Wax Golem.

You kill Eric the Evil Elf Lord.

You kill the medusa.

You get +2,150,000

You have [40,450,000/39,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+58 health

+12 mana

You get medusa corpse.

You get tinning kit.

You get Potion of Gain Level.

You get Cape of Feather Falling.

You get the Staff of Time Stop (Rare).

You get a Wand of Digging [9/19] charges.

You get Elven Bow (+40%,+100,2d50)

You get Elven Arrows (x24)

You get 12,394 gp.

You get a banana.

You get royal jelly.

I stared down at the body of the medusa. Might as well put the new tinning kit to use. I didn't want to eat her myself, but having some of her preserved flesh might come in handy. Gloria sat down to rest as I finished the grisly task. After it was done, I quaffed another orange, fizzy Potion of Gain Level to reward myself and prepare for the lower levels of the dungeon.

You feel experienced!

LEVEL UP!

+42 health

+17 mana

Time to finally finish this game.

Gloria at my side, I descended another fifty feet into the dungeon.

* * * * *

You are on level 88 (-4100')

You are a Level 89 Valkyrie.

You hear a buzzing sound.

The Giant Killer Bee is dead! (x87)

Ellora the Queen Bee is dead!

Orcron the Mighty is dead!

Elite Orc Guard is dead! (x98)

Orcala the Mage is dead!

You get +2,050,000

You have [42,500,000/40,000,000] xp.

LEVEL UP!

+62 health

+16 mana

LEVEL UP!

+58 health

+11 mana

You get Wand of Fire and Fury with [2/12] charges.

You get Royal Jelly x49

I left the hives and plenty of bad memories behind as I descended to the next level.

Gloria followed, moodier than ever and still not talking to me.

Please let me finish this game.

* * * * *

You are on level 89 (-4450')

You are a Level 91 Valkyrie.

My character level was higher than the dungeon level once again. This could be the one. A Valkyrie descending to the final level or killing the Wizard of Yendro before then. Could I maybe capture her instead?

I pushed all doubts aside and prepared myself for the big boss of level ninety of the dungeon. The next level would have the final named mob before I reached the Wizard of Yendro. After casting a full map spell, I checkout out the layout of the level. Most of it looked typical, but a square room on the upper left caught my attention.

"I think we have something special..."

"What is it?" Gloria asked.

I shook my head, lips pursed together.

"Not sure, but we should check it out," I said. "Too small to be a zoo or temple. Maybe a delicatessen?"

"We could always use more food."

"Yeah..." I said as I dismissed the map then headed toward the mysterious square room on the other side of the level.

Gloria followed at my side. As we walked, I noticed the rooms and hallways were taller than normal.

"I've been thinking," she said. "You say this is all a game. That scares me."

"Don't be afraid," I said. "What will be, will be."

"What does that mean?" she asked.

I shushed her as I heard a clanging sound in the distance. Battle? No. Clang. Bang. What could it be? Bang. Bang. Clang. I crept forward, sword ready to do damage.

The noises got louder as we approached the unknown room on the map. In the final hallway leading to it, I caught a whiff of smoke in the air. We kept moving forward.

At the end of the hall was a door with a simple wooden sign nailed to it. The words "Arthur White, Blacksmith" had been carved into the thin slice of wood.

I glanced down at Gloria then knocked on the door. The metal clanging sound continued. I turned the handle and walked into a twenty-foot square room.

A gnome standing next to an anvil glanced over. His face scrunched up in disgust.

"What do you want?" he yelled.

"Are you selling anything?" I asked.

"Only the time and equipment to craft your own items," he said.

I smiled, delighted at the idea.

"How much?" I asked, stepping into the room.

"Depends," he said while holding a piece of molten steel with pincers. "What do you want?"

"Something special," I said.

He thrust the glowing metal into a nearby bucket of water. Steam whooshed into the air, obscuring the muscle-bound man for a few moments.

"You can rent the space for a hundred thousand gold," he said as he walked over.

"Perfect," I said.

After I counted out the gold, he left, closing the door behind him.

Time to craft a truly epic weapon to defeat the next boss.

Without knowing who or what it would be, I had no idea what gear to put on for the battle. Maybe I'll create something epic and useful—a weapon replacement. I noticed two fountains in the back of the craft room, great for dipping newly crafted blades. Some of the recipes floating in my head were random, but I needed something. I followed all the game screens to craft the weapon then checked out its stats.

Mega Metal Mao

This finely crafted master-level iron blade is strong, flexible, and built to do sustained damage round after round. Your blade confers +85% chance to hit, +250 damage, and does a solid 2d500 damage per round. The following abilities are available four times per day each:

  * Minor Wish – A minor magic or mundane item appears. Recharges in 2 hours.
  * Major Wish – Use one time only.
  * Lightning Bolt – A 2d200 lightning bolt shoots out. Recharges in 2 hours.
  * Fireball – A 2d200 fireball explodes for additional 1d100 fire damage to surrounding creatures. Recharges in 2 hours.
  * Speed – Get 2x normal attacks per round for next five rounds. Recharges in 10 hours.

I smiled as I stared at my handiwork glistening in the torchlight. With this weapon in my hands, the final boss before the Wizard of Yendro had no chance. The sword would also help me defeat her. Screw you, Excalibur, I thought as I stared at the sword.

To escape the roguelike, I needed to capture the Amulet of Yendro. There was only one way to do it. Pure strength and determination. Regina would die if she didn't hand it over. I put the sword away then went over ways I could combine existing items to make new ones.

Crafting a weapon wasn't difficult. Would armor be just as easy?

"Are you sure, Alex? You're pressing your luck."

"That's the only way to get ahead sometimes," I said.

I tossed my Bracers of Deflection into the super-heated cauldron. After a hiss and crackle, black smoke rose, filling the room. Gloria coughed, moving for the exit.

"That smells terrible," she said.

Hand over my mouth and nose, I tossed in two Potions of Strength, my Ring of Climbing, and one-hundred gold coins. The mixture of metals popped again, but the smoke faded. After a few minutes, I lifted the clay pot containing the molten metals with a pair of tongs. The mixture hissed as I poured it into a mold I'd found for a new pair of bracers.

"Now we wait," I said.

"Watching metal cool doesn't sound like fun."

I smiled as I looked over at Gloria. She was right that waiting wasn't enjoyable, but I really wasn't looking forward to delving deeper into the dungeon. The closer I got to the bottom, the more death of the character would hurt.

Could I face starting all over from the beginning again? The dwarven players I'd found tucked away in their own little zone had given up. Would I do the same after another dozen attempts at beating the game and getting out?

The new bracers I'd crafted eventually cooled. I broke the mold around them and examined my handiwork. They looked normal, but could I trust them? I pulled out a Scroll of Identify and read the arcane words.

Bracers (Unnamed)

These offer a permanent +10 bonus to STR while worn. They also confer a +10% chance to hit and an additional +20 damage per strike. Your climb skill increases 2 basic levels when worn.

Not shabby for my first run.

"Are you ready to go now?" Gloria asked.

"Why are you in such a rush?"

"I hate not knowing whether we'll make it or not," she said.

"Well, with the cockatrice corpse as our back-up weapon, I'd say we have a very good shot of making it to the bottom of this blasted place and defeating the Wizard of Yendro."

She glanced up at me.

"What happens then?" she asked.

I reached down to rub behind her ears.

"We'll know what happens soon enough," I said, not having the heart to tell her she might be trapped when I got out of the game.

While it would be cool to have my roguelike companion follow me back into the main Tower of Gates game, I didn't see it happening. Part of me doubted I'd be allowed to have the Amulet of Yendro or even escape with my life.

Gloria and I cleared the rest of the level then headed down a steel, spiral staircase. The ninetieth level boss would be the toughest we'd met so far in the game and we'd met some particularly nasty beasts.

My eyes widened as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 21 ::::>

Worse Than a Dragon?

You are on level 90 (-4450')

You are a Level 91 Valkyrie.

You are full.

You are glowing. (+20 Armor Class)

You are Blessed (+20% to hit)

You feel wide awake!

You are NOT addicted to coffee.

A vast cavern stretched out before me. Gold coins and other treasures covered the floor. From where the coins reached on the stairs, I surmised there was a foot of coins piled up.

"Be careful," Gloria said. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

"A dragon can be turned to stone too," I said. "We've got this."

I sheathed Mega Metal Mao and carefully retrieved the cockatrice corpse from its own Bag of Holding. My gauntlets protected me, but I still worried about tripping. One false move, and I would be turned into stone. I'd already been through that once, and I didn't want it to happen again. Not ever.

I scanned the cavern. Nothing moved or stirred. The light from my crown reflected off the thousands of coins glittering brilliantly on the floor. Something stirred under the treasure.

"Did you see that?" I asked, not trusting my eyes.

"The lights?" Gloria stepped onto the coins. "I see the lights."

"No, that," I shouted, pointing as a reptilian head poked above the treasure.

Time to stone the dragon.

I walked forward, being careful not to fall.

The scaled beast stretched out its long neck, reaching for me. When I got close enough, I swung the cockatrice corpse. With a satisfying crackle sound, the head of the dragon instantly turned to stone. As the stoning continued down its neck, another head rose from the treasure and snapped forward, biting off the head of the other one and stopping the stoning.

"Bring it!" I shouted, still wielding the cockatrice while attempting to keep my balance on the shifting coins.

The second head screeched then made the same mistake as his buddy. I smacked it with the cockatrice corpse, turning it to stone. Like before, another head popped up and snatched off the stone head before the stoning effect spread.

Frustrated, I stood my ground. The third one stayed back, not attacking me right away. As I waited for something to happen, I noticed the stumps of the other two heads growing.

Wait a minute. This isn't multiple dragons. It's one hydra.

"Mind the cockatrice!" I yelled as I dropped the corpse to the coins.

The third hydra head pounced as I pulled Mega Metal Mao.

I needed fire, so I activated the fireball ability of the sword. A glowing blaze shot out of the tip of the weapon.

Your fireball DISMEMBERS the hydra for 187 damage.

The hydra is not concerned.

As the flames washed over the two growing heads, miniature dragon heads screamed in pain. Three more heads revealed themselves. A six-headed hydra. Not fun. I activated my speed effect from the sword then ran forward, attacking the closest head with double my normal attacks. Time to die, stupid!

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the hydra for 117 damage.

Your slash MUTILATES the hydra for 69 damage.

Your pierce MISSES the hydra.

Your slash EVISCERATES the hydra for 138 damage.

You lop off the hydra head!

I wasted no time moving to the next in line.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the hydra for 117 damage.

Your pierce MUTILATES the hydra for 69 damage.

Your pierce DISEMBOWELS the hydra for 117 damage.

Your slash MUTILATES the hydra for 69 damage.

You lop off the hydra head!

That's what I'm talking about!

My smile faded when a seventh head appeared. All three of the remaining heads attacked all at once. Two of them shot flames from their mouths while the third chomped down on my shoulder. I screamed, pain coursing through my virtual body.

The hydra head flame MASSACRES you for 245 damage.

The hydra head bite EVISCERATES you for 145 damage.

You have [1,386/2,074] health remaining.

Your Cape of Feather Falling catches fire!

I unsnapped the cape and let it fall as I attacked again. My speed wouldn't last forever.

Your slash MUTILATES the hydra for 67 damage.

Your slash EVISCERATES the hydra for 134 damage.

Your pierce MASSACRES the hydra for 214 damage.

Your slash EVISCERATES the hydra for 138 damage.

You lop off the hydra head!

Your pierce MISSES the hydra.

Your pierce MISSES the hydra.

Your pierce MISSES the hydra.

Your slash EVISCERATES the hydra for 138 damage.

You lop off the hydra head!

You feel strangely unlucky.

Uh oh. What now?

Only one full-sized head remained, but the others were all growing back. Two of them were almost ready to attack again. I pulled out my Wand of Fire and Fury and zapped it.

Your Fire & Fury DEMOLISHES the hydra for 398 damage.

Wand of Fire and Fury has [1/12] charges remaining.

I dropped the wand and pulled out my Staff of Time Stop. While I hadn't tested it yet and knew little about it, I needed more flames to permanently stop the hydra from regenerating.

My fireball spell would have to work. I cast as the heads grew larger. The flames struck all of the heads, sending another round of screams echoing through the chamber.

"Finish it!" Gloria shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

You feel Blessed! (+20% to hit,+50 damage)

"Thanks!" I yelled over my shoulder as I cast again.

A fireball flew from my hands, hitting the base of the hydra as it poked out above the sea of treasure. The explosion washed over me harmlessly with my fire resistance.

"Don't fire again!" Gloria shouted from behind me.

I let loose a third fireball spell as the words came out of her mouth. When it hit the beast, I knew I'd messed up. The explosion caused the ceiling to crash down.

"Come on," I yelled, motioning for Gloria to follow.

Some of the treasure might be nice, but huge chunks of rock were raining down all around. I sprinted along the more stable wall of the cavern then cast again.

Your lightning MUTILATES the hydra for 97 damage.

The hydra is dead! (+200,000 xp)

Combat is Over!

You have [42,700,000/43,000,000] xp.

I checked on Gloria. Dust covered her body, but she was alive and walking. The collapsing ceiling stopped as I made it halfway around the cavern wall. Still no stairs? Was that the final boss or not?

Not wanting to run around exploring blind, I cast my most advanced map spell. With just over six hundred mana remaining, having the knowledge would help me stay safe. A vast network of square blocks and rooms ten-foot across, occupied the north of the map. I glanced over, unable to see a tunnel. Had the cave in covered it? I got out my Wand of Digging.

Zap.

The pile of stones and rubble disappeared. I checked the map and saw I'd connected with the tunnel leading to the huge chessboard area of tiny rooms. What awaited me? Another hydra? Or an actual dragon? Spellcasters worried me, but I felt confident in defeating whatever waited for me. As I walked, I drank a Potion of Cure All Wounds.

I also restored my mana to maximum.

"What's that smell?" I asked as I stopped at the edge of the cavern.

Gloria sniffed the air coming from the tunnel.

"Catnip?" she asked, scrunching up her face.

I grinned, thinking of Tabby.

"Anything else?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"Hold on while I grab the catnip."

"You can't eat it, Alex, and we're not likely to run into any more cats this deep down in the dungeon," Gloria said.

"I know, but I want some for sentimental reasons."

"Sentimental reasons?" Gloria asked.

"I'll explain it after we defeat the Wizard of Yendro," I said then grabbed the catnip.

After storing it in my sack, we walked toward the wide tunnel leading away from the hydra's lair. The idea of beating the roguelike and having an epic artefact in the main Tower of Gates game made me smile.

"Are you coming?" Gloria asked impatiently.

"Yeah," I said, walking over.

"We should check this place for more helpful items," she said.

I turned around and stared at all the destruction.

"Do you really want to dig around in all this mess for the next seven days?"

"No, but I'm afraid of what lies ahead," she said.

"Fear isn't a problem. It's what you do when you're afraid. And we're moving forward."

"Okay, Alex..."

Gloria followed me into the tunnel. We headed north, walking next to each other. At the end of the tunnel, we reached the first of the rooms in the twelve by twelve grid. The walls were made with glass. I stopped in the first room, staring at the repeating reflections.

"There's no doors," Gloria said. "This place is creepy."

"You're telling me." I turned around. "Should I use the Wand of Digging?"

I pulled it out of my sack and pointed it at the mirrored wall across from the tunnel. The beam bounced back, nearly tearing a hole through me. I dodged at the last minute.

"Gloria?" I shouted, alarmed.

"Up here," she said, levitating.

"Sorry about that," I said. "The wand won't work."

"We should turn back, Alex."

"The stairs are in the northwest corner of this grid. We have to continue."

"No," she said defiantly. "We can go back to the cavern and dig our way down."

"That's no fun," I said. "Let me try something."

I pulled out Mega Metal Mao and swung with all my might, hitting the mirror I'd zapped with the Wand of Digging. The blade hit the glass perfectly, shattering it.

As pieces fell to the mirrored floor, a skeletal snake lunged.

The skeletal snake MANGLES you for 287 damage.

You have [1,787/2,074] health remaining.

I slashed with all four of my attacks, slaying the long, bony beast.

Combat is Over!

You get +10,000 xp.

You have [42,710,000/43,000,000] xp.

Great. I glanced around the mirrored room, again seeing no doors.

"We should go back and use the Wand of Digging," Gloria said.

"That snake went down easy enough," I said. "We'll be okay."

As the words came out of my mouth, a new mirror appeared, fixing the one I'd broken. I felt the room shifting underneath my feet. Question marks spread throughout the grid on the map of the level I'd created.

"Come on," I said. "This is going to take forever."

I lifted my sword and attacked the mirror in front of me. As it shattered, a ghostly minotaur rushed through, attacking me. The ghost's hands felt chill around my neck.

The minotaur ghost EVISCERATES you for 134 damage.

You have [1,653/2,074] health remaining.

You feel drained of energy.

You lose 10,000 xp.

You have [42,700,000/43,000,000] xp.

I stabbed the ghost in the gut with my sword then ran it up, cutting as I went. The ghost wailed in pain. Neither of us had anywhere to go. I stepped back to get a better swing.

The minotaur ghost DISEMBOWELS you for 104 damage.

You have [1,549/2,074] health remaining.

You feel drained of energy.

You lose 10,000 xp.

You have [42,690,000/43,000,000] xp.

This is not good, I thought as I swung four times.

Your slash MUTILATES the minotaur ghost for 69 damage.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the minotaur ghost for 124 damage.

Your pierce DISMEMBERS the minotaur ghost for 154 damage.

Your slash MUTILATES the minotaur ghost for 97 damage.

The minotaur ghost is dead!

Combat is Over!

You get + 10,000 xp

You have [42,700,000/43,000,000] xp.

Back where I started.

I stared at all the mirrors, reflections bounced all the way down. Will one of the rooms contain the boss for the level? Or was the grid of mirrored cells the actual monster?

The thought scared me. If all hundred and forty-four rooms had a creature, it would take forever to clear them all. Gloria looked up, fear evident in her eyes.

"We're trapped, Alex. This is the end..."

I heard the terror in her voice and vowed to bring her with me when I exited the game. Why couldn't she come with me? The main game was the same as the roguelike.

"We're getting out of here, Gloria." I bent down on one knee and put my hand under her head. "Both of us. Do you hear me?"

She nodded, nuzzling my hand. I scratched behind her ears then stood.

Break another mirror? It was like a mob lottery.

What's behind the next wall, Bob? Can I defeat them all?

I shattered another mirror with my magic sword of hardened steel. The sound of glass sprinkling to the floor surprised a creature in the next room. It turned, showing its octopus-shaped head. Several long tentacles spiraled under its chin.

"Mind Absorber!" Gloria shouted. "Watch out!"

I lunged forward to attack before it could cast a spell. What I didn't know at the time was that it used psionics. A blast of mental energy flooded my brain, causing physical pain.

The Mind Absorber DEMOLISHES you for 345 damage.

You have [1,204/2,074] health remaining.

You lose 1 INT permanently.

You feel queasy and uneasy.

Your teeth hurt. All of them.

I dropped my sword and clutched my head with my hands. The Gauntlets of the Barbarian Oath crushed my skull, causing damage.

You INJURE yourself for 14 damage.

You have [1,190/2,074] health remaining.

You should be more careful.

"No kidding," I screamed as pain racked my body. The splitting migraine spread to every nerve. I fell to the glass-covered, mirrored floor.

Gloria rushed into the room and head-butted the Mind Absorber. It looked down at her, its tentacles swirling. A bolt of lightning shot out from them and hit the unicorn in the head.

She blinked twice and stared up before falling to the floor. As I watched her body convulsing, I struggled to my feet. Overwhelming pain flared up even more each time I moved a single inch.

"The crown!" Gloria yelled. "Take it off!"

Unable to think of anything better, I removed it from my head. While I lost buffs, the pain went away instantly. I bent down and picked up Mega Metal Mao. The Mind Absorber turned, its tentacles still slithering. I attacked before it could cast again.

Your pierce DISMEMBERS the Mind Absorber for 185 damage.

Your pierce EVISCERATES the Mind Absorber for 145 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the Mind Absorber for 59 damage.

Your slash MUTILATES the Mind Absorber for 94 damage.

The Mind Absorber has noticed you.

The Mind Absorber MANGLES you for 253 damage.

You have [951/2,074] health remaining.

You lose 1 INT permanently.

You feel uneasy and queasy.

Your toes hurt. All of them.

Unperturbed, I launched another round of slashes.

Your pierce DISMEMBERS the Mind Absorber for 185 damage.

Your pierce EVISCERATES the Mind Absorber for 145 damage.

Your slash MAIMS the Mind Absorber for 59 damage.

CRITICAL HIT!

Your slash MASSACRES the Mind Absorber for 242 damage.

The Mind Absorber is dead! (+50,000 xp)

You have [42,750,000/43,000,000] xp.

As the tall, slimy beast fell to the mirrored floor, I turned to Gloria.

"How did you know about the crown?"

"Simple," she said. "It's metal."

"Good call. I'm so glad to have you with me."

"All the way to the end, Alex?"

I nodded as I pulled out a Potion of Cure All Wounds.

You feel better!

You have [2,074/2,074] health remaining.

"Are you okay?" I asked my companion.

"I can regenerate quickly, Alex. Thanks for asking."

I smiled.

"That's the spirit."

As I rested a moment and collected my thoughts, a new mirror wall replaced the one I'd hit.

"We didn't move to the other room," Gloria said.

Ugh. I sighed, hating the roguelike. We'd made it so far. If the mirrors kept replacing themselves and the rooms spun around, we might never escape the trap. Frustrated, I swung my sword at one of the four mirrored walls, shattering it. The glass came down in a shower of sparkles and sound. I stepped through to the other room.

A giant hairy eyeball with even more tentacles than the Mind Absorber floated on the far side of the room. Its reflection repeated infinitely in the mirrors around me. The illusion didn't stop me from attacking the real one, but it did give me a headache.

Your slash MUTILATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 87 damage.

Your pierce EVISCERATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 145 damage.

Your slash MUTILATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 99 damage.

Your slash DISMEMBERS the Greater Tentacle Eye for 157 damage.

The Greater Tentacle Eye has noticed you.

It blinked twice before a brilliant orange ray shot toward me.

The Eye Beam MANGLES you for 285 damage.

You have [1,789/2,074] health remaining.

Ouch. Time to get serious.

My sword's main abilities were recharging, so raw force would have to do.

A powerful blue magic streamed out of Gloria's horn as I attacked.

You feel blessed! (+20% to hit, +50 damage)

Your slash EVISCERATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 149 damage.

Your pierce DISMEMBERS the Greater Tentacle Eye for 175 damage.

Your slash MASSACRES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 205 damage.

CRITICAL HIT!

Your slash MANGLES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 287 damage.

The Greater Tentacle Eye is dead! (+20,000 xp)

You have [42,770,000/43,000,000] xp.

What's with all the low xp creatures?

Another mirror replaced the one I'd broke, but we'd move ahead on square on the twelve by twelve grid. I still had no idea of how long we'd last in the blasted trap.

"We should've prepared more for this boss," I muttered. "We got cocky."

"I'm not a rooster," Gloria said, her head tilted to the side.

Despite my mood, a smile crept over my face.

"What?" she asked.

"Never mind," I said. "Let's kill another low xp mob and try to make it to the end."

"Okay, Alex. Choose carefully."

I turned around, my reflection repeating itself in the mirrors. How to choose?

You sense the presence of greatness.

Is the main boss of the level nearby?

Some of the roguelike messages could be cryptic.

"Be ready," I said, raising my sword.

Gloria stepped behind me. I broke the mirror. All the others shattered as well except for the ones on the outer edge. I saw a hooded figure.

"Quit breaking my mirrors," a female voice said. "You will pay for your insolence."

I walked forward, my boots crunching pieces of glass under my feet. The figure removed its hood, revealing a leathery face full of death and destruction. Is she a Lich?

Unable to identify her from afar, I continued forward. She raised her thin, gaunt arms. A ball of red energy formed between her hands before shooting toward me.

I dodged to the left, barely avoiding the sphere of magical death. The undead woman with red, glowing eyes hissed as I approached, mighty two-handed sword raised.

At the last moment before my blade rained down on her right arm, she blinked out of existence. I whirled around, disoriented but still ready to fight.

She appeared ten feet away and cast another spell. The tiny glass shards spread throughout the big room formed a golem between me and her.

I attacked as the beast lumbered forward.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the glass shard golem for 0 damage.

Your slash MISSES the glass shard golem.

Your pierce MISSES the glass shard golem.

Your slash EVISCERATES the glass shard golem for 0 damage.

The glass shard golem looks unaffected.

Not good.

I stepped back as two arms made from razor sharp glass punched me.

The glass shard golem EVISCERATES you for 145 damage.

The glass shard golem DISMEMBERS you for 184 damage.

You have [1,460/2,074] health remaining.

How to kill this thing? Maybe fire?

I cast my most powerful fireball spell.

The Mega Fireball DEMOLISHES the glass shard golem for 354 damage.

You have [746/846] mana remaining.

The glass shard golem slows.

I noticed the bits of glass had melded together.

"Finish it off," I yelled, hoping Gloria could handle it.

As I ran around the super-heated, slow-moving glass golem, I saw the lich. It raised its arms and pointed them in my direction. Lightning shot out.

The Ultra Lich OBLITERATES you for 420 damage.

You have [1,040/2,074] health remaining.

Gloria screamed behind me, but I didn't have time to turn around. I rushed toward the Ultra Lich and attacked with Mega Metal Mao.

Your slash DISEMBOWELS the Ultra Lich for 103 damage.

Your slash DISMEMBERS the Ultra Lich for 184 damage.

Your pierce MASSACRES the Ultra Lich for 205 damage.

Your slash MANGLES the Ultra Lich for 294 damage.

The Ultra Lich has noticed you.

Its right hand grabbed my neck and squeezed.

The Ultra Lich DEMOLISHES you for 394 damage.

You have [646/2,074] health remaining.

You feel drained.

You lose 10,000 xp.

You have [42,760,000/43,000,000] xp.

The stupid beast didn't let go, making it difficult to swing my sword effectively. I dropped it and reached into the Sack of Holding for the cockatrice corpse. Everyone must get stoned.

As the body of the foul beast brushed against the lich, its stomach turned to stone. I stepped back as it looked down, pure horror on its face, realizing its fate. The magic worked.

I turned to see the glass golem stop then fall apart into countless pieces on the floor. Gloria glanced over, her eyes full of fury after the fight. She walked in my direction.

"Good job," I said. "We did it."

She nodded her head. "There's a chest in the corner."

"It's probably trapped, and we don't have a Wand of Trap Detection or any scrolls."

"Leave it to me," she said, running toward it. "But keep a healing potion handy."

"No," I yelled and followed her across the room. She head-butted the mirrored box. It shook but didn't explode.

"Don't do that," I scolded as I got closer.

"Sorry, Alex," she said, dropping her head.

"I'm just worried about you."

She raised her head.

"You are?"

I nodded.

"We both need to get out of this dungeon."

Her face relaxed. I turned to the mirrored chest.

"That's not the best way to check for traps," I said. "But I'm going to open it."

I grabbed the lid and slowly lifted it. Nothing bad happened. A clear, glass orb resting on a wooden base sat at the bottom. This looks interesting. I reached in to grab it.

You get The Orb of Mighty Seeing - Recharges in 12 hours. Allows seeing the next room or the next dungeon level below... at the cost of -1 INT and -1 CON each time it's used.

"Here's the stairs," Gloria said.

I straightened up and turned. She stood next to a crystal staircase leading down. The final main boss of the dungeon didn't have a lot of treasure, but the orb would come in handy.

"Hold on," I said, peering into the glass.

You see nothing below you.

The game notification confirmed that I saw nothing.

"We should go," Gloria said. "I don't like these mirrors."

"Me either." I put the orb into the Sack of Holding. "Let's get out of here."

"Ten more levels," she said as I walked up to her.

"You ready for this?" I asked, stopping at the top of the stairs.

"I'm ready for anything, Alex."

We both descended to the next level.

One more.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 22 ::::>

Riders on the Storm

The next few levels went by quickly. My tight routine paid off as we leveled back up to match the dungeon level. Permanent buffs and our personally crafted blade were working together as intended.

I'd even eaten a Ring of Teleport Control in case we set off a trap somewhere. At the end of the speed-run, Gloria and I descended another set of stairs to the deepest depth I'd ever reached on any run.

You are on level 99 (-4950')

You are a Level 99 Valkyrie.

You are permanently glowing.

You take half physical damage.

You take half magic damage.

You wield Mega Metal Mao (Renowned)

Gloria nervously shuffled from one foot to another at the bottom of the stairs. An all too familiar room greeted us, but something felt different in the air. I couldn't place it exactly.

"This is it," I said then cast my most advanced map spell.

You feel disoriented.

No map appeared on the game screen.

"That's not a good sign," I said. "The map's not working for this level."

"Maybe the dungeon goes on forever," she said.

"Don't say that." I glanced down at her and frowned.

"Sorry, Alex. I'm afraid, and I don't want to lose you."

I took a deep breath. Never in my gaming life had I become so attached to an AI companion. Over so many games, the intelligent creatures spawned with me had learned more.

The unicorn stood at the top of the pile, as high level as myself. My frown faded, replaced by a smile. After the final boss, we'd discuss parting ways, perhaps. For the moment, I needed to keep my head in the game.

I stepped forward and saw a tunnel stretching out into the distance. I pulled my sword, the cockatrice corpse waiting nearby for any emergencies that cropped up. The memory of the lich's face made me smile.

We cautiously made our way down the wide, natural tunnel. Only one more level until the Wizard of Yendro. Or would she appear early to kill me? I shuddered at the thought. The tunnel eventually ended in another cavern with high, vaulted ceilings full of stalactites and stalagmites. I glanced around, not noticing anything out of the ordinary. A wooden barrel stood in the center of the chamber.

Gloria trotted over, sniffing the air as she went.

"Smells safe," she said.

I stepped toward the barrel. Even something so innocuous could be deadly. As I reached it, I tapped the top with the tip of my sword. Nothing exploded.

A good start.

You hear the moans of ancients.

Ugh. What does that even mean?

It sounded dangerous, but I had no way to tell for sure.

"Maybe we should just leave it alone," Gloria said.

I grabbed the top and tilted it.

"Seems empty," I said. "Only one way to find out."

I opened the lid and peered into the barrel.

Nothing.

"Let's keep going," I said.

Gloria followed as I walked toward the only other exit. Another wide tunnel wandered off, twisting and turning into the darkness. We kept walking.

* * * * *

After exploring for over three hours, we still hadn't found anything of significance. I stopped in the latest cavern and glanced around. Two more exits led to more tunnels.

"This place is huge," Gloria said.

I checked the game map.

"Yeah, something isn't right..."

"Unless it's because it's level ninety-nine," Gloria said. "Maybe the final staircase down is hidden."

"We need to map the rest of the level before we start searching for secret exits."

The thought of searching the massive level turned my stomach, but we didn't have a choice in the matter. I needed to finally beat the stupid roguelike.

Had Axelrod waited for us? I didn't even know how long I'd been trapped in the roguelike compared to time in the Tower of Gates timeline. Would I make it?

"We should keep moving," Gloria said.

"Lead the way," I mumbled.

She trotted through one of the exits and down another long hallway. I walked a few paces behind her, weapon drawn. We moved swiftly, making good time.

Another few hours passed with no encounters. My supplies gradually diminished. I ate the most perishable food first. Soon, I was down to stale dog biscuits.

"I see something," Gloria said. "A large cavern."

"Great," I said. "Maybe we'll find something."

We walked through the opening at the end of the tunnel. Glowing fungi dimly lit the chamber. I scanned from left to right then back again, seeing nothing.

"Come on," I grumbled.

Across the cavern, three figures in ratty clothes appeared.

"Be careful what you wish for," Gloria said.

I crouched and readied my weapon.

Gloria backed up.

"This isn't good," she said.

"No kidding..."

I stared at the identifiers of the three creatures floating forward.

Death, Famine, and Pestilence, huh? Why not.

"Longshot rebound!" I shouted.

"Got it," Gloria replied.

She ran ahead and to the left.

Pestilence turned and followed her.

I charged toward Famine and Death. The latter held back as the other, more emancipated figure floated closer. I ran through all the possibilities in my mind.

Maybe the fork is mightier than the sword?

I stopped and dug the last of my rations out of my pack. Famine stopped and swiveled toward the food after I threw it to the right of him.

"Change the plan!" Gloria shouted, but it was too late.

As Famine feasted on my dry, brittle crackers, I rushed toward Pestilence before he could demolish my poor unicorn. I'd lost too many companions in the roguelike.

The putrid remnant of a man pointed a finger at me as I approached. Swarms of flies buzzed out of open wounds on its body then flew toward me. I kept running, hoping they wouldn't hurt me.

The Diseased Flies MASSACRE you for 212 damage.

HALF-DAMAGE BONUS!

You take 106 damage.

You have [1,968/2,074] health remaining.

You are DISEASED.

You are no longer glowing.

Great, I thought as I reached the vile creature.

I slashed its face with Mega Metal Mao.

Your slash OBLITERATES Pestilence for 406 damage.

As the creature screamed in pain, I saw Death heading for Gloria.

Oh no you don't, miserable heap of bones.

I swung my epic sword one more time.

Your slash ERADICATES Pestilence for 645 damage.

Pestilence is no more!

I turned and ran toward Gloria. Death screamed as she cast lightning from her horn. He wept even more as I reached him.

Your pierce ANNIHILATES Death for 472 damage.

The foul beast kept his attention on Gloria. Odd, but I didn't let it get to me as I used one of the swords magic abilities. I danced around so-called death, a whirlwind of steel.

Mega Metal Mao: Speed activated

Your slash OBLITERATES Death for 409 damage.

Your slash OBLITERATES Death for 412 damage.

Death laughs and feeds on his pain!

Gloria darted to the left, right into Famine. The gaunt man grabbed her neck, and I watched in horror as she lost fat and grew skinnier. What's he doing?

Death's grasp DOES UNSPEAKABLE for 546 damage.

You have [1,422/2,074] health remaining.

I reached into my sack with my free hand and grabbed the cockatrice corpse. With a grin on my face, I threw it at the animated bones.

"Death cannot be stoned!" the gaunt figure shouted.

I stifled a laugh then swung my sword.

Your slash ERADICATES Death for 542 damage.

Your slash OBLITERATES Death for 442 damage.

Death laughs and feeds on his pain!

Frustrated, I pushed the creature aside and ran toward Gloria as she fell to the floor.

"No!" I shouted. "You will not have her!"

Famine looked up, but it was too late.

Your slash ERADICATES Famine for 514 damage.

Your slash OBLITERATES Famine for 442 damage.

Famine is dead!

"Watch out!" Gloria yelled.

I turned just in time to see Death's swift hand.

Death's grasp DOES UNSPEAKABLE for 754 damage.

You have [668/2,074] health remaining.

I attacked with my sword one more time, but death kept coming.

"Heal him!" Gloria shouted in a weak voice. "It's the only way."

Was she right? Only one way to find out.

I pulled out a Potion of Cure All.

Death moved forward.

I tossed the bottle.

As it shattered and the healing potion hit the mob, it cried out in pain. You don't hear Death scream every day. It's not something you want to hear more than once in your life – game or not. Death stepped toward me. I pulled another potion and threw it. He cried out in pain again as the liquid acted like acid on his clothes and body. Acrid smoke filled the air.

Combat is Over!

You get 300,000 xp

You have [99,000,000/100,000,000] xp.

I rushed to Gloria's side. She peered up, eyes open wide.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Hungry," she said.

I glanced around, seeing nothing except for the three corpses.

"You can't eat Pestilence, and Death's only bones, but what about Famine?"

I retrieved the body, dropping it next to Gloria.

"Go ahead," I said. "Eat something."

"Are you kidding me?" she snapped.

"It's all we've got," I said. "Just do it."

She gnawed at Famine's thin arm.

"Maybe we can eat the fungi," I said.

"Don't," Gloria said, her mouth full. "We'll glow for days."

I'd come too far to mark myself as a target for monsters.

"Good point," I said. "Thanks. Don't eat too fast."

"Famine's not half-bad," she said then continued chewing.

I scanned the cavern, seeing a new tunnel leading off in the distance.

"The steps down have to be around here somewhere," I said.

Gloria mumbled something. My stomach grumbled.

"You want some?" she asked. "There's only a bit left."

I turned and saw she'd regained most of her weight.

"Famine is quite filling," she said.

"No thanks." I grinned and shook my head. "We should get going. I'll find supplies somehow. There's no way I'm starving to death on level ninety-nine."

Gloria stood, wobbling on her legs.

"Take it slow," I said. "You almost died. I'm not much better off."

"How many healing potions do you have left?"

"Only three." I reached in my sack to grab one. "Two after I drink this."

I swallowed the fizzy sugar-water potion. The extra gold I'd paid to make it palatable was worth every ounce. Hunger still ravaged my body, but I had my health.

You feel better!

You have [2,074/2,074] health remaining.

"Let's find that exit," I said.

Gloria followed as I walked toward the new tunnel. I'd been down so many. How long had I been playing the roguelike? Was time passing back in the Tower of Gates?

The questions piled up as I cautiously strode forward. My haste had worn off, but I still had a minor wish, lightning and a fireball if anything came up.

I'd just taken out Death and his Gang. That made me feel cocky, but I checked myself. Proud players fell prey to YASD all the time. I wanted to live.

* * * * *

I went down one tunnel after another, backtracking multiple times. Teleport wouldn't work. And my Wand of Digging fizzled every time I attempted to zap down.

Would the dungeon prevent me from winning by cheating? Could the game cheat? I remembered many rumors about the Tower of Gates being able to cheat.

"I'm tired," Gloria said. "We should rest."

"Not yet. We haven't found any food."

I scanned ahead as we walked. She sighed.

"Room ahead," I said. "Be ready."

"Always," she said in a smart-aleck tone.

I glanced down at her then looked up. The room ahead looked empty, but appearances could be deceiving and deadly.

"Water!" Gloria gasped as she ran forward.

"Hold on," I hissed. "Or I'll start calling you Leroy."

My unicorn companion ignored me and galloped into the room. When I caught up, I saw her looking into a round, stone fountain. There wasn't any water inside.

Numerous coins littered the bottom, but coins were worthless so close to the end of the dungeon. I couldn't even find the exit down let alone a shopkeeper.

"I'm even thirstier now," Gloria said.

"Don't make it worse," I muttered.

I sat down on the edge of the fountain.

"That's a lot of coins," Gloria said.

"Maybe they're blocking the water."

I stood then reached over, moving coins. When I reached the bottom, I saw a wooden trapdoor. The exit to the final level? I stood up, excited at my find.

"What is it?" Gloria asked.

"I think I found the way down. Help me clear this out."

"Kind of hard without hands, but okay," she said.

"Use a spell. This is important."

I stepped back as she lowered her head. A blue energy came out of her horn. It swept the coins away, revealing a square trapdoor on the bottom of the fountain.

"Ready?" I asked, drawing my sword.

"I need water," she said in a weak voice.

"Maybe we'll find some on the last level."

I opened the wooden hatch with my free hand. A smooth shaft led below. Why is everything so blurry? Am I losing my sight?

"What is it?" Gloria asked. "I know that look."

"Not sure," I said, still holding the hatch open. "Something's not right. It's blurry."

"Let me see."

She stepped over and peered over.

"Run," she yelled. "It's slime!"

I slammed the trapdoor shut then scrambled over the edge of the fountain. The wood burst open, flying off the hinges and rising into the air.

As I watched in horror, sword in hand, a blob of slime spilled out of the shaft. I glanced back, wondering if we should run and regroup.

"What's inside the slime?" Gloria asked.

"No idea," I said, gripping my sword tighter. "Be ready for anything."

I heard an unearthly scream as something plopped out of the slime.

"Land kraken," Gloria screamed. "We should run."

"We need to kill this to get to the next level."

I braced myself as the squid-like creature covered in slime slithered toward us across the stone floor. The slime continued coming out of the shaft.

The land kraken's tentacles reached out for me. Instead of swinging my sword, I reached into my sack and pulled out the cockatrice corpse.

Will it work on such a large mob? Only one way to find out.

I threw the decomposing corpse at the land kraken. Before it reached its target, a slime shield flew forward, blocking it. The land kraken bellowed loudly.

"Cast something," I shouted, hoping Gloria heard me.

The cockatrice corpse, covered in slime, fell harmlessly to the floor. I rushed forward, sword raised, ready to do some damage. We needed to win.

Your pierce ANNIHILATES the land kraken for 453 damage.

Gloria cast a spell, sending a red beam of energy toward the slime. Instead of busting up or moving back, it grew in size, filling the entire room.

The land kraken MANGLES you for 298 damage.

The land kraken MASSACRES you for 214 damage.

You have [1,562/2,074] health remaining.

At least the other tentacles didn't hit.

The size of the room worked to my benefit. I attacked again.

Your pierce DISMEMBERS the land kraken for 197 damage.

The creature screamed and flailed its tentacles, hitting me.

The land kraken EVISCERATES you for 147 damage.

The land kraken MUTILATES you for 98 damage.

The land kraken MASSACRES you for 223 damage.

You have [1,094/2,074] health remaining.

Ouch. This thing needs to die.

I stepped back then activated the sword's fireball and lightning bolt.

Your fireball DEMOLISHES the land kraken for 398 damage.

Your pierce OBLITERATES the land kraken for 420 damage.

The land kraken is dead!

You get 300,000 xp!

You have [99,300,000/100,000,000] xp.

As the smoke cleared, I saw the slime still spilling into the room.

"Run," I shouted then turned.

Gloria followed as I booked down the tunnel, not looking back.

"That's the biggest slime I've ever seen," she said.

We kept running all the way back to the stairs leading up. I stopped and bent over, hands on knees, to catch my breath.

"Are we going back up?" Gloria asked. "That might be safest."

"No," I said, breathing heavy. "We needed to regroup. That slime's going to catch up to us eventually. I want to use my Major Wish."

"Are you sure?" Gloria asked. "You only get one."

"If I don't use it now, what's the point of having it?"

She nodded, her horn waving through the air.

I pulled Mega Metal Mao, the epic weapon I'd crafted myself. What should I use the wish on? Something I know exists in the game? A new magic item? Better stats?

"The slime's coming down the hallway," Gloria said.

Already? I kept thinking about my wish.

Gloria stepped toward the exit as I stood near the stairs up.

"I'll try to build an ice wall to block it," she said.

After lowering her head, a frost blast shot out of her horn.

"It slowed the slime," she said, stepping back toward me.

"Good," I said. "Blast it again while I think of a wish."

"I'm out of mana," she said. "We've not rested in a while."

What's my best bet on a wish? I can't think of anything.

"Here comes the slime," Gloria said. "There's more blobs inside it."

"Nothing's coming out," I said. "Your ice spell worked."

Unsure of what I'd get exactly, I wished for an Ultimate Ice Staff. A tall oak staff appeared out of nowhere, almost falling to the floor before I grabbed it.

"What's that?" Gloria asked. "A walking stick?"

"Stand back," I said then activated the staff.

A menu with a multitude of ice spells popped up. I picked Ice Fury, wondering what it would do. The top of the staff glowed blue a moment.

I heard a popping sound then saw a stream of ice spray out of the tip of the staff. When the cold air hit the slime, it stopped in its tracks, frozen.

"Attack it," I shouted then let the staff drop.

I stepped forward and hacked at the ice with my sword. Pieces of frozen slime stacked up on the floor around me. Gloria poked it with her horn.

"This is going to take forever," I said. "But at least it can't attack us."

"It's already thawing," Gloria said, still attacking the ice slime.

"Wish I had more time to check out the staff," I said.

Gloria and I both fell silent as we worked on chopping up the frozen slime. As we reached the tunnel where it had come in, fresh slime oozed out.

"Freeze it again," Gloria shouted as she stepped back.

I grabbed the Ultimate Ice Staff and pointed it at the slime.

Let's go with Ice Beam this time.

Your Ice Beam MASSACRES the Mega Slime for 215 damage.

The Mega Slime slows.

You Have Unlimited Charges.

That was weak, I thought as I scrolled the all the options for the staff.

"Hurry," Gloria said at my side. "Something is coming out of it again."

I glanced up and saw a dark blob struggling to escape from the semi-translucent slime. Another land kraken? Or something worse? Time to zap.

As a slimy, furry beast lumbered forward, I held up the staff. Time to try the most powerful spell available—Icy Freeze Fountain.

I slammed the staff down on the stone floor. Flurries burst out of the top, swirling and quickly filling the room with frost. Gloria huddled at my feet.

"Hold steady!" I shouted above the noise of the storm.

Everything the flakes touched froze instantly, including the slime. As the spell ended and the whipping winds calmed down, I smiled at the scene.

"Now what?" Gloria asked.

"We chop our way back to the stairs down."

"You should've wished for a Staff of Fire and Ice," she said.

I nodded but said nothing.

"Wait a minute," I said, digging in my sack.

"You have something?" Gloria asked.

"Maybe..."

I pulled out my Toothpick of Flames. Gloria laughed.

"A little small, isn't it?" she asked.

I set my staff and sword on the floor.

"Keep watching," I said then slipped my free hand back in my bag.

Gloria tilted her head as I pulled out a potion.

"I still don't get it," she said.

"Watch and learn..."

I uncorked the potion then poured it over the Toothpick of Flames. Gloria laughed as the toothpick grew in size. It stopped growing when it reached the size of a walking stick.

"Does it still work?" she asked.

"Only one way to find out."

I pointed it at the frozen slime. Flames shot out of the tip, gradually melting the ice and killing the slime at the same time. It would take time, but it was working. Foot after foot, we made our way back to the fountain with the shaft leading to the final level of the dungeon. I felt confident with my epic staff. We've got this. Hours after starting, we reached our destination and finished off the last of the slime.

The Mega Slime is dead!

You get 500,000 xp!

You have [99,800,000/100,000,000] xp.

So close yet so far away, I thought as I stared down the shaft.

"Are you ready?" Gloria asked.

I nodded, still staring into the darkness.

"We're going to levitate down," I said. "Come here."

I bent down to pick up Gloria then retrieved a Potion of Levitation.

After gulping down the thick liquid, we rose a few feet off the ground. Staff in one hand and Gloria held tightly by my other arm, I moved us over the shaft.

"Hang on," Gloria said. "Shouldn't we check for traps."

"We'll be fine," I said, wanting to finish the stupid game.

As I descended, I heard a clicking noise to my left.

YASD? On level 99? Nooooo.....

An explosion shot us down the shaft.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 23 ::::>

Wizard of Yendro

The explosion rocked my body, sending me flying. When I landed, I saw an empty plain that stretched off in every direction. Gloria stumbled around a few hundred feet away.

You are on level 100 (-5000')

You are a Level 99 Valkyrie.

You are close to death.

You miss your home.

You're about to die.

I grabbed my last healing potion and quaffed it down.

You feel better!

You have [2,074/2,074] health remaining.

I glanced over at Gloria.

"Are you okay?"

She moaned, her scorched body barely moving.

"Alex..." Regina said somewhere nearby.

I looked around, not seeing her.

"Show yourself!" I yelled.

Gloria stood and brushed against my leg.

"Alex...I'm coming for you..."

Her taunts got my blood boiling, but I strived to control my emotions.

"I'm not fighting you," I said, still holding my weapon up.

"Then you'll start over as a level one character," she said.

I slowly turned, scanning the horizon but not seeing her.

"Why fight," I said, lowering my sword. "The game wins that way."

Gloria stepped forward, walking weird. A ball of light flashed and my companion disappeared.

"No!" I yelled."

"Will you fight me now?" Regina asked.

"Don't you hurt her," I said. "There's no reason to be cruel."

Regina laughed. The sound seemed to come from all around me.

"The Tower of Gates is all about cruelty," she said. "Besides, the companion AI still isn't perfect. They're all a bit off in one way or another. I need to send you back to the beginning so you can train another one."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"This roguelike is a way for the Tower of Gates to train AI personalities for the main game. You're not meant to ever escape."

"I'm getting out of here," I said.

"Then you need to kill me."

"Bring it on." I raised my sword. "Unless you're afraid."

I saw a tall female dressed in loose robes appear ahead of me. A long-haired cat sat on the floor next to her. When I saw Gloria's lifeless body, my blood boiled.

Regina lifted the unicorn's horn into the air, admiring the prize.

"Not bad," she said. "I'll be able to use it to craft something special."

I yelled and charged toward her foolishly or fearlessly. A dozen fiery meteorites shot out of the unicorn horn.

The Wizard of Yendro's meteorites EVISCERATE you for 143 damage

You have [1,931/2,074] health remaining.

While not a lot of damage, the force of the blast knocked me to the ground. I scrambled to my feet, sword raised and ready to do some damage.

"Kneel and join me as King of the Roguelike," Regina said.

"No, I'll never join you," I shouted.

She pointed Gloria's horn at me. A purple bolt of energy shot out, severing my hand. I screamed as it fell to the floor, still clutching Mega Metal Mao.

The Death Energy DISMEMBERS you for 198 damage.

You've lost a hand.

You have [1,733/2,074] health remaining.

I flipped frantically through my inventory, looking for something, anything to help me.

"Join me," Regina said. "Or die."

I grabbed a Potion of Invisibility and quaffed it.

"That won't save you," Regina shouted angrily.

She pointed the horn at me. I dodged to the left and rolled.

A burnt-orange beam flew by harmlessly. Still on the ground, I grabbed the final item that might help me—catnip. Memories of Tabby flooded my mind as I threw it.

Regina's familiar instantly sniffed the pungent odor and turned her head. As she walked forward, I crawled toward the catnip, still invisible.

"Show yourself," Regina said. "We end this now."

Her cat meowed as she neared the catnip.

"No," Regina yelled. "Get back over here. It's a trap."

Unable to resist the catnip, the feline familiar kept moving. I stood, then raised my sword. The attack would render me visible again, but I didn't care.

"For Gloria!" I shouted as I swung.

The poor cat looked up as my blade took off its head.

The feline familiar is dead!

You get 50,000 xp!

You have [99,850,000/100,000,000] xp.

"Noooo," Regina hissed.

"Turnabout is fair play," I said then grinned. "Come and get some."

As she raised Gloria's horn, I lifted my staff and cast Ice Wall. Her brown beam bounced off the thick ice harmlessly. The defensive spell would give me time to think.

"Enough," Regina said on the other side of the Ice Wall surrounding me.

Flames shot out of her hands, quickly melting the ice. Maybe I don't have as much time as I thought. I flipped through the other ice spells on the staff.

As the fire penetrated my icy shield, I held the staff up and cast again. Regina screamed as another towering wall of ice surrounded me.

It was a cheese move all the way, but I wanted to win. Whatever it took. I went through my inventory again. Had I missed something obvious?

"Die!" Regina raised Gloria's horn.

It glowed red then purple before emitting a brilliant beam of light.

This is gonna hurt so bad.

The purple beam MANGLES you for 325 damage

You have [1,408/2,074] health remaining.

I ran forward with my sword in one hand and my staff in the other. As I reached Regina, I activated the speed effect on the sword.

Your pierce MASSACRES the Wizard of Yendro for 221 damage.

Your slash DEMOLISHES the Wizard of Yendro for 374 damage.

Regina raised her free hand, palm out. A deafening blast pushed me back. I almost fell to the floor as she pointed the horn at me.

"Die," she snarled in an inhuman and unholy voice.

A dark red beam shot out of the horn. I rolled to the left, but it followed me, striking my chest. I screamed as pain flashed through my entire body.

The dark red beam DEMOLISHES you for 398 damage

You have [1,010/2,074] health remaining.

As Regina moved toward me, I used my Ring of Illusion. While only usable once a day, it had saved my life more than once. I created an illusion of me on the floor.

She continued toward the illusion. I crept around. Even though I wasn't a rogue, a strike from behind would have some benefits. I needed a critical hit to kill her.

Your slash MANGLES the Wizard of Yendro for 271 damage.

Your slash DEMOLISHES the Wizard of Yendro for 352 damage.

She turned, giving me another chance to attack.

Your slash MANGLES the Wizard of Yendro for 274 damage.

Your slash MANGLES the Wizard of Yendro for 291 damage.

"I don't die so easily," she said then plunged Gloria's horn into my chest.

The Wizard of Yendro's pierce OBLITERATES you for 420 damage

You have [590/2,074] health remaining.

I yanked it out then pointed it at her.

Your dark red beam DEMOLISHES the Wizard of Yendro for 378 damage

Regina laughed and reached out her right hand. The horn pulled toward her, but I held on tight, not wanting to face its wrath again.

Why didn't I bring more healing with me?

"Your will is strong," she said.

I stuck Gloria's still bloody horn in my belt then rushed forward.

Your slash MAIMS the Wizard of Yendro for 59 damage.

Your slash MUTILATES the Wizard of Yendro for 71 damage.

What's going on?

Regina cackled, a smile on her face.

"I'm the Wizard of Yendro. You don't think I have a few tricks up my sleeve?"

"You're a dead wizard," I said.

I grabbed the staff from my back and cast another Wall of Ice.

Need time to think this through.

Regina blasted the barrier as I went through my vast inventory one more time. Something near the bottom caught my attention.

Wand of Summon Monster? Risky, but maybe I'd get lucky. I pulled it from my sack then sheathed my sword. The wand and staff would save me.

The Wall of Ice shattered. I pointed the wand and zapped it. A very confused orc appeared. He glanced around then attacked Regina.

She made quick work of him, hardly batting an eyelash. I zapped the wand again, hoping for something better. A goat appeared then died.

Regina laughed heartily.

"Is that all you got, mighty pseudo-mage?" she asked.

I zapped again. Miniature monkey. She killed it.

Zapped one more time. A mule? Come on!

"Are you trying to make me laugh myself to death?" she asked.

I zapped the wand one last time. After sputtering, a beautiful and fully nude nymph appeared. She ran toward Regina and stole an item.

"No," the Wizard of Yendro yelled. "Not my Ring of Power!"

She turned, but the nymph had floated away.

As Regina dealt with the annoying creature, I went through my inventory yet again. Then it hit me. The Scroll of Melding. It had to work.

I pulled the scroll out and recited the ancient words written on it. After doing so, I pulled out the horn and staff, fusing them together.

Ultimate Ice Staff plus a magical unicorn horn? A bright light flashed as the two magic items fused together. I could feel the power.

"What are you doing?" Regina asked.

She ran toward me. I pointed the tip of the staff with the unicorn horn at her, wondering what would happen. A brilliant frosty blue beam shot out.

It raced through the air and hit the Wizard of Yendro in the chest. Regina fell backward, landing on the cold, hard floor. I activated the staff again.

"Noooo..." she yelled while writhing in pain.

"You're not so tough now, are you?" I asked cockily.

I remembered Gloria and all my other companions.

"Don't kill me," Regina said in a weak voice.

I hesitated, still gripping my staff and sword.

"Killing you is the only way out of this game," I said.

"No...wait..." She lifted her hands and stood. "There's another way."

"I'm not bowing to you," I said. "Not gonna happen."

"That's not it," she said, staring into my eyes. "Listen to me."

Her melodic words wooed me into submission.

I lowered both of my weapons.

"You should listen to me," she continued.

I watched helplessly as she walked forward. Had she cast a charm spell on me? Could I defend against it somehow? She's so beautiful.

"Give me the staff," she said, holding out her arm.

I felt my arm moving forward, and I fought against it.

"You want to let me kill you," she said. "It'll be so good."

She took another step forward, hand still out.

"Hand it over, and I'll make it quick and painless."

"Never," I said under my breath, fighting against her spell.

I thought of Gloria, Tabby, and all my other companions. Even Axelrod and the original Regina I knew and loved popped into my thoughts.

"Why did you turn so evil?" I asked.

She tilted her head to the left.

"You think I'm being evil?" She laughed. "This is about survival, silly. Everything in here is about surviving one more day. Kill or be killed is the only law."

"That's not true," I said, my strength of will returning.

Her expression changed as the charm spell broke. I saw her as the ugly and evil Wizard of Yendro and not the friend I'd once known. She frowned.

"You're testing my patience," she said. "Bow to me or die."

"Only the good die young..."

I raised the staff and activated it. A deep purple beam shot out of the unicorn horn fused onto the end of the staff. It hit the Wizard of Yendro solidly.

Your purple beam MANGLES the Wizard of Yendro for 341 damage

I sensed fear as her eyes widened.

"We can work this out," she said.

"Oh no you don't." I zapped again. "Not falling for that again."

She screamed as a yellow beam hit her. The random beams was a bit maddening, but the horn was helping me slowly win the battle for my life.

A flash of pity swept through me as I once again thought about Regina. Had the game really turned her into an evil person? Could she be saved?

"If you kill me, you'll become the Wizard of Yendro," she said.

"You're lying," I responded but held off zapping again.

She raised her hands.

"I'm telling the truth," she said. "I've been in here longer than you."

"Not that much longer," I said.

"Long enough to play hundreds of games. Do you even know how much time has passed outside of this game?"

I shook my head.

"No, and it doesn't matter. Axelrod would wait for us. He's part of the team."

"You're just saying that because he's your brother," she said. "You don't know him like I do. He's a different person when you're not around."

"Whatever," I said. "Nice try."

"I'm not kidding." She lowered her arms. "He loves me too."

"What do you mean too?"

"You know what I mean," she said. "I see it when you look at me."

Was I talking to the real Regina or the Wizard of Yendro?

"I remember all the years we've spent together in here," she said. "I've missed you."

Those three words touched my heart and not in a good way.

"You're lying," I said.

"I can prove it." She stepped closer. "Let me prove I love you."

"Stop," I said, holding up the staff. "Don't come any closer."

"You can't kill me," she said in a soothing voice. "You just can't."

"Maybe you don't know me at all."

I zapped the staff one more time. A brown beam shot from the unicorn horn, hitting her solidly in the face. She screamed as her skin melted.

"You can't kill me," she shouted. "I won't let you."

Before I could move in for the kill with my sword, she waved her hand and disappeared. I sighed and glanced around, looking for her. Where is she?

I ran through my inventory, looking for something to help find her. Nothing looked appropriate. I used the staff to create another Wall of Ice.

Would she run to an upper level? Did I need to chase her? Why did the stupid roguelike need to be so damn hard? I took a deep breath to calm myself.

Thoughts of Gloria bubbled up again as I remembered how many times she had calmed me down before a major battle, or gotten me out of a tight spot.

With my health so low and no more healing, I needed to be careful. Maybe something on the Ice Staff could kill her more easily? Or should I keep using the horn?

I went back and forth in my mind, trying to think what to do next. All the while, I kept listening for any sign of Regina. Nothing. Where did she go? Maybe she died?

Reluctantly, I lowered the Wall of Ice. As I scanned the vast empty chamber, I still didn't see her anywhere. This is crazy. Do I need to hunt her down?

"No!" Regina shouted to my left.

I swiveled around and saw the nymph run past her.

"Stop stealing my stuff," Regina yelled.

I grinned, wondering if I'd finally be able to beat the roguelike. All I needed to do was kill the Wizard of Yendro. Something had happened to Regina. I had to act.

As the nymph continued stealing items from the Wizard of Yendro, I raised my staff and cast Ice Flurries with it. Swirls of snow and ice flew toward Regina.

She screamed again as the coldness hit her. I followed up with a set of Ice Balls. The thick, chunky projectiles slammed into her chest and stomach.

I stepped forward, wondering if I could finish her with only the staff. Somehow, delivering the final blow with Gloria's horn just felt right. Time for justice.

The Wizard of Yendro threw up her hands to cast. I leveled the staff, pointing the unicorn horn tip in her direction. With only a thought, I released my fury.

A pulsating purple beam of energy, Gloria's favorite, shot out of the horn. I walked forward as the beam continued hitting Regina's cloaked head.

She dropped to her knees as the magic ran its course.

"Don't do this," she said. "It's me, Regina. We're friends."

"I don't believe you," I said, stopping in front of her.

The Wizard of Yendro no longer looked so tough.

"I'm telling the truth," she begged. "Please don't kill me."

"This is only a game. Don't worry about it."

I pulled my sword out and raised it, but the nymph ran by and stole it.

Regina laughed on the floor and I pointed the staff at her.

A final blast of ice finished her off. She screamed one last time then went silent. I heard the deep clang of a bell. That's new. Is the game over?

Everything around me faded to black.

()xxxx[:::: Chapter 24 ::::>

Out of the Frying Pan

I focused on a light in the distance. My body floated toward it.

Have I died? Do I have to start all over again on level one?

My heart beat faster as I approached the brightness. When I reached it, I stepped through a portal.

Back in the Tower of Gates? I looked around.

I saw the entrance to the roguelike nearby.

Okay, I'm back in the Tower of Gates.

Where's Axelrod and Regina?

Did I really kill her?

My heart skipped a beat at the thought. As I struggled to contain my emotions, Regina appeared. I smiled and ran over, hugging her tightly.

"You're alive," I said.

She pulled back and smiled.

"Nice to see you too," she said.

"I thought I might've killed you," I said. "Why were you playing as the Wizard of Yendro?"

"Wait a minute," she said, letting go as she stepped back. "You were the Wizard of Yendro, and I needed to defeat you."

"The game must've had us battle each other somehow?" I shook my head. "This is all so confusing."

"Welcome to the Tower of Gates," she said then smiled.

"It's so good to see the real you," I said.

"Did you run into the dwarves?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Should we go back in to try and save them?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "They're on their own. I don't want to ever go back in there ever again. Do you know how many times I died and started over?"

My voice trailed off.

"Yeah," she said, nodding.

I wondered about her experience, but I didn't ask. We'd both been through a lot.

"Where's Axelrod?" she asked, looking around.

I shrugged.

"Maybe something happened to him," I said. "We don't know how long we were in the roguelike. It could've been years since we went in."

"True," she said.

"Is that amulet new?" I asked, pointing at her neck.

She glanced down and asked, "What amulet?"

"Maybe it's our magic item for completing the game?"

"You have one too," she said. "They look neat."

"Hold on...let me check..."

I checked my inventory then smiled.

"Amulet of Yendro," I said. "What does it do?"

I pulled up the stats for the epic magic item.

Amulet of Yendro

You can now access the Warp Zone on level one-four of the game. If the Amulet of Yendro comes into contact with another Amulet of Yendro, both players holding the item can use the following powers at will for up to four hours after the amulets touch.

Minor Suggestion – You can get someone to do something for you. Only works on creatures with intelligence of 10 or below.

Telepathy – Wearers of the Amulet of Yendor can speak telepathically with each other no matter the distance between them.

I heard voices nearby.

"Someone's coming," I said as I pulled my sword.

An unknown dwarf scurried up and asked, "Who's there?"

I kept my sword raised.

"Who wants to know?" I asked.

Regina sighed then stepped forward.

"Both of you put your weapons away," she said. "We're looking for Axelrod. Is he around? We need to talk with him right away."

"Yeah," I added, lowering my sword a few inches.

"I'll take you to see Ranghorn," the dwarf said. "He's been in charge since Axelrod left to help with the undead problem."

Regina and I looked at each other then back to the dwarf.

"Undead problem?" I asked.

"It's a long story," the dwarf said. "Ranghorn will tell you if he sees fit. We should go see him. This is above my pay grade. Follow me."

The dwarven guard turned and strolled deeper into the Mines of Oriam. Regina and I followed. Everything looked different somehow.

How long had we been inside the roguelike?

A few minutes later, the dwarven guard stopped at a doorway.

"Wait here," he said. "I'll announce your presence."

Regina sighed as he opened a wooden door then went through, closing it behind him. She turned to me and shook her head.

"We don't have time for this," she said. "We should go to the Warp Zone right away."

"I know, but we need to find my brother."

She nodded, falling silent. After another few minutes, the door opened, and the dwarf popped his head out.

"Come in," he said. "But be respectful. He's not in a very good mood."

Regina opened the door the rest of the way then walked through. I followed. We entered a huge throne room I didn't recognize from before.

"This is new," Regina said, glancing around.

"Not shabby," I said.

"Hurry up," the dwarven guard grumbled.

Regina and I followed him toward a massive gold throne. A dwarf with dark skin looked up as we approached.

"Who do we have here?" he asked as we stopped.

"I'm Alex," I said before Regina could shoot off her mouth. "And this is Regina. We're looking for my brother, Axelrod."

Ranghorn sat up, brow furrowed.

"I'm in charge until he gets back," he said.

"That's all well and fine," Regina said. "But we need to find him. Do you know where he is right now? We'd appreciate the help."

"I bet you would," Ranghorn said. "Axelrod left not long after those new players killed the black dragon and set the dwarves free."

"Wait," I said. "New players? Are you telling me people are coming into the game again? Thanks for taking the OOC penalty, by the way."

"Only three new players have showed up, but Magi Inyontoo seems to think they're important," Ranghorn said. "He's been doing whatever he can to stop them."

"What about that black dragon?" Regina asked.

"The new players killed it," Ranghorn said. "Axelrod decided it was time for the dwarves to establish a permanent home here on level one-two. He was doing a great job until the note came."

"What note?" I asked, so confused.

"The note read, 'Bones. Big trouble. Send help.' After Axelrod read it, he left."

"Did the new players send the note?" Regina asked. "Is he working with them?"

Ranghorn nodded. "He was helping them before, and now he's helping again. That's why I'm in charge until he returns. If he makes it back."

"Did you send anyone to help my brother?" I asked.

Ranghorn tilted his head back and stroked his long, white beard.

"No," he said. "I've been busy rebuilding our kingdom—by us, for us."

I turned to look at Regina. She frowned.

"Do you two plan on staying here?" Ranghorn asked. "Because if you're staying, you need to follow the laws of my land."

"We're not staying," I said, looking back at him on the throne. "We need supplies and help to go find my brother. Give us that, and we'll be out of your way."

"I'm not giving you anything," Ranghorn said. "You're lucky I don't kill you now."

Regina turned and asked, "Now?"

I nodded and took off the Amulet of Yendro. After she removed hers, we touched them together long enough to cast Minor Suggestion.

"You will give us supplies," Regina said.

"Get them supplies," Ranghorn snapped.

The dwarven guard who'd brought us to the throne room scuttled away.  
"We're lucky he has a low intelligence," Regina said telepathically.

"This is only the beginning of our luck together," I replied.

"Anything else?" Ranghorn asked.

"We need your best men," I said.

"Or women," Regina added.

"A team of your best heroes fast as you can gather them," I said.

Ranghorn stood, not looking happy.

"I'll go fetch them," he said. "Even though I'm not sure why..."

He walked to where the dwarven guard had left the throne room.

I turned to Regina and smiled.

"You ready for this?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Always..."

* * * * *

Several hours later, we made it to the bottom of the Pit of Doom. The portal to the Tower of Gates shimmered at the end of a tunnel. I stopped then turned, checking out our group of adventurers. Merriweather, a dwarven engineer, stood next to two floating platforms. Husky and Lordram, two warriors, stood a few feet away talking and laughing. Gilanna, a priest, stood off by herself, hidden by a cloak.

"You ready?" Regina asked.

I nodded but said, "No."

She chuckled.

"I want to find my brother, but..."

My voice trailed off.

"I know," she said. "It's complicated."

"Are we going yet?" Husky grumbled.

"Hold on!" I shouted. "We're planning."

"Two warriors, an engineer, a priest, a dark knight and a mage," Regina said. "What could go wrong?"

"I'm the highest-level dark knight," Regina said.

"We were in the roguelike a while," I said. "Maybe someone else shot past you."

"I doubt it," she said. "But who knows."

"Can we go yet?" Husky whined.

"Yeah," Lordram added. "I'm getting hungry."

I took a deep breath then turned.

"Listen up," I said. "As leader of this party, you need to follow everything I say. We don't know what's happening with the undead on level one-three yet. As we look for Axelrod, our other main objective will be to figure out what's happening."

The dwarves mumbled but kept relatively quiet.

"Great," I said. "Let's go."

I turned to face the magical gate.

"We've got this," Regina said at my side.

I wanted to believe her, but the game made everything difficult.

One after another, we went through the portal to continue our adventures inside the Tower of Gates.

**Long Live LitRPG!**

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