

UNBOXED

Real Stories, Life Lessons, Pictures, Opinions & Ideas  
Inspired by Twenty Seven Years of living as

Ocholi's Daughter

_Imaginary_ Forward by Author's Late Mother

This one came out the Womb different. You're welcome.

—Blessing Fatima Ocholi
The Book Map

Dedication

Introduction

Preface

Stories

A Little Town Fairytale

Slaying On a Budget

Americanas in Ankpa

Man Alone

A Purpose and A Life

Blessing's Thesis in a Nut Shell Featuring;The Educational System

It Wasn't Love.

Schoolin Life

Giver of good Gifts

Death

Orphan-Ville

Along came Mr Bellion

A Family Affair

Better

A Parent's Job

Enough, It's just Sex

Bubble Burster

Vulnerable Men and Fearless Women

Bigger Issues

A Politician's Calling

Just Only One Enemy

Selah

Team lukewarm

A Dubai Way

FitFam

The Offline - Online Reality Balance

Fashion

The Middle class Princess's perspective on Wealth

H.G.Y.O

Interlude

A National Identity

Apology and Love for Our Black Star Neighbors to the Right

National Planning

Fathered

A Tale of five minds

To The Humanitarian People

A Fussy Case for Adoption

The Power of Self Acceptance

Under Knives

Intelligent, Bold & Beautiful baby Girl

A Pneumonia and A Space World

Family of Music

Back to Happy

New Student

A poor Prince, a golden Heart and The DIY Fairytale Wedding

Simple Start - His Plan, His Time, His Way

Sorry, I'm Sorry

Prodigal

Family Altar

Church Kids

Loose Woman

The Price Of Quiet

Skin Deep

More than a Job

Lazy

Mental

Faith Instead

Words

The Good Savage

History and Country Love

The Hater Focus Group

The Designer's Sketchbook

Broken Molds

Job Creation - The SME Power House

Excellence Culture

Millennial Political Awareness

Imagination is a Super Power

Solutions Only

A blessed Life

STEM and Girls

Purpose to the Pain

Lessons from My First Venture - CleverMash

Cars & No House; The charge for Investments

To the People of the Woods

Best Mentality

Glory Days

Biazowa

Forgiveness and the Audacity of Faith

Think Rethinking

Gratitude is Important

Imposter Syndrome

Selah

Success

Dating, What the *uck is it?

Millennial African

Money

Pidgin English a Continental Barrier Breaker

A Beautiful Place called Isolation

A tale of the Con Man

Last Whole Family Christmas

Rape. Release the Guilt; It's not your Fault

The Cycle Of A Now Now Culture

An Italian Miracle

God is my Source; A Cavalli Story

TBN is my Church

Fame

Epilogues

A Letter to Banner Boy

Queen

Letter to Dada

A letter to you, Reader

Photos

In the Beginning

About the Author
Dedication

This is to the God of the Bible and to  
Everyone who needs to Read these Words.
Introduction

Sculptures have always been one of the most impressive Art forms to me, Their three dimensional nature is just so incredible. Every time I see one, I'm amazed that It came out of somebody's mind. I have the same reaction to beautiful Architecture, I love that aw inspiring feeling. My favorite part of traveling is seeing the different ideas of City design and structure. It's like cultural Story Telling through building materials. L _ol_. All the intricate details, the attention, time and patience it must take to achieve them. The ability to run your hands over and feel them and how life like they can look is mesmerizing. I love that in many European cities, you get to see these beautifully crafted features right on the streets. I've always admired the dedication it must take to Imagine and Complete these things.

Making Molds is a part of the process for creating any of such Structures. The thought of God molding Adam's body from the dust makes me think of a Potter and a Workshop, Transforming what is in a mind into a prototype is an incredible ability to posses One day I joked that in the secret Lab L _ash_ Studio where God worked. He made Beyonce's Mold and thought " _yup just one of this please, two would simply be too much_ " and after she was born, he broke it to pieces just to make sure she was never made again _lol_ but in reality, aren't we are all broken molds? Have you found another you yet?

He made just you and there will never be another. It's more than a coincidence that you are you, think of all the details it would take to accidentally create your entire being. You are created to be at this exact time in history, living right where you should be, doing what you where created to do with a set of internationally appointed people, for a purpose and is not yours. It's not designed to be, It's His. Here's what most of us do, we make up purposes for ourselves. How's _that_ working out? _lol_ If you make up one for yourself, guess what, he won't be in it and it would be _Your_ responsibility to run and maintain it. We are simply not created to function under such conditions.

Do you know why God even created Adam in the first place? Relationship. Even if you succeed at giving yourself an assignment and seem to succeeding, in the end, you would have failed because the Maker determines purpose, not to mention the emptiness you will have to endure and pretend is not there because you're trying to convince Everyone _including yourself_ of how fulfilled you are.

This book is a charge to have your Creator tell you what you are here for and hopefully inspire us all to get to doing them. A blessed life is one grounded in the fulfillment of its purpose. Peace and Success are results of that Foundation. It took my whole life and an incident of epic proportions but I am so glad I now know mine and this is true for Everyone.

I hear there's now the possibility of identification from your ear shape. How many more unique codes do we have to discover before we realize how special each one of us is? Think about it, In a sea of _seven billion_ , you are the only you he's made, the only one the world has and will ever get. You have one chance and nobody ever knows how much time is _preset_. All I'm saying is own it and Make it count.
Preface

God's got a plan but you've got a part. We already know he's faithful, now its up to us. This is where I basically give you a heads up on exactly what you're in for. You can't tell just yet but you'll soon figure out you that have _NOT_ bought a normal book. Take it from me, I wrote the thing. While not compulsory, I do feel a moral obligation to warn you of what is to come within these pages. This is at least 20 years worth of personal therapy, painful printed out in black and white, for your reading and learning pleasure. It's serious stuff but necessary.

Full disclosure, I was raised by two avid readers and at least one perpetual student but i no longer share that love for reading books _lol_ , yup, the Writer who doesn't enjoy Reading. I can explain though, I've often " _joked_ " that i'ld rather read a hundred Articles than one Book, because 300 pages is too _damn_ long to tell me anything lol, except you're telling a Story and even then I'll skip a few. So if you're anything like me, feel free to skip parts ( _including this one_ ) and use the attention you have left on the _very extensive_ Book Map to figure out exactly what you're interested in reading. However, _(and this is a huge but)_ I indulge you to read this through.

Experience is a late teacher. Writing this was done in love, to share the bedrocks of the solid life my Parents built and the errors I've made in spite of being born into that stable, godly home. I think young people every would learn something from these Stories. There's a real no _bullshitting_ , low key savage but laced in love approach, that's been taken in writing things that I thought you'd enjoy. _lol_ It's the only language I'm now interested in communicating in. Too many lies that sooth the heart. The Truth is sharp and hurts like _shit_ but that's what makes it effective. Results, that's what we're after here.

Pictures! I love visuals. Aren't we all visual junkies these days though? Seriously, how much easier would school have been if it had been more visual? Not to mention more fun. The times were in are very exciting. I for one am like a kid at _Disney world_ just elated to be alive in this over informed new world because I love research and finding things out. I always have. The real challenge now is sifting through all the _bullshit_ to get to real things.

The last time someone wrote a Book on my Father and Family, I asked for the manuscript in advance to at least get a heads up on what was going to be published and they basically refused. If you're interested in portraying the truth, it's only fair to first ask the family's consent to write and secondly, you wouldn't have a problem with your account of events being fact checked. However, I have now found that sometimes it's best to just smile and be quiet when People do _funny_ things. Till this day, I've never read that Book, I showed up and sat Front Row at the Launch, smiled and took pictures. _lol_

I don't know whose thoughts and opinions were contained in it or where the money went. ( _Whatever that was, I hope you're happy now)._ So, this is necessary, to properly represent people who can no longer speak for themselves, as told by someone who knew them.

I apologize in advance for the use of " _curse_ " words which aren't really curses. Forgive me. sometimes it's just _fuking_ worth it, _don't you think_? And while I'm apologizing, I'll just apologize for the one million _lols_ too. The excessive use is purely intentional.

This book is designed to be an Experience. You'll understand when you're done.

— Enjoy.

A Little Town Fairytale.

My Parents got married in April of 1988 and together they built a simple, joyful, little life in a tiny town called _Ankpa_ in Kogi State, Nigeria.

This happens to be my Mother's hometown, a quaint little town where they chose to start their lives together. They had four of us kids there and their last, Eleojo in Lagos. It's incredible that this first chapter of their lives happened while living no more than a 15 minute drive away from my grandfather's house. Talk about special _lol._ That was _James & Blessing_ though, always different. Anyone who ever met my Mom would tell you there is nobody like her _periodt._ The Woman stood out without trying _lol,_ everything she did was different. She once made me practice and sing a welcome number telling my birth story to our entire guest at my 7th birthday Party. We spent weeks preparing for the bash, with me as Creative Director ( _of course_ ) _lol_. I made all the plans, decided the menu, picked out the invitation cards from her fancy _stash_ , shortlisted the guests, hand wrote every personalized message in them colorful glitter Pens. _lol_.

I Planned (Mom helped) with all the Fashion and Decor ( _including hers and my two baby brother's)_ who where unhappy to say the least, that I was given the license to boss everyone around just because I was having a Party. In their little minds, why would anyone ( _daddy_ ) gave me a Party with a flexible budget? My mum didn't get a chance to throw parties often so this was major, _for us both._

_Ahh_ those where the days. _lol_ being the Only girl, daddy's default Princess, getting everything she wanted, telling off ( _and on_ ) Everyone, only buying the exact clothes I wanted and terrible at giving or sharing. You know, all of the typical markings of an only child without actually _being_ one., _lol._ To me, it was all the same. That was my life around this time. I had never been more excited to be older. " _On a cold rainy Thursday in July"...._ I think my Speech began, must have rehearsed that thing a hundred times in the month leading to the party. I cant remember the rest but it was perfect. Still hands down one of the best parties I'v ever had.

Growing up in Ankpa, my life really was a fairytale, ( _at least it felt like one_ ). That small town was all I knew and to me it was the world. Of course I had no concept of money, so that wasn't a factor in my perception. I had a loving family, beautiful white house on a hill and was crushing it at school. _lol_. I _Aced_ every test and exam, never placed any position less than 3rd on any subject. Except for ironically _Fine Arts_ , which my Mother was convinced was a set up either by the teacher or the principal _lol._ In her words, my drawings were just as terrible as the next kid's, anyway you get the point. In my little mind that town was paradise, our home was the Castle and I couldn't think of anything that was missing.

We lived a pretty isolated life, and had a full on Routine which we rarely ever deviated from. My father was a young successful Lawyer who travelled a lot but he was amazing and somehow very present. He was in the church leadership and prioritized that throughout our lives. _Assemblies of God_ was our first family church. My Mother, also in Her thirties ran several small successful businesses she loved but had to closedown once she had three of us Aaron, Joshua & me. By this time, they had both raised enough money to build their dream home. A unique White House with a large compound. She was involved in every stage of the building design, and while he was traveling or in Courts around the country she supervised the project and had things made exactly as she dreamed it. Soon after, they both agreed that one of them needed to be more hands on with us children, her running businesses and him building his law chambers demanded a lot of time, so she made the sacrifice and instead took a job as an Administrator at the local College of Education. It was steady work and very convenient hours plus the added advantage of working with young people which she loved and was alway passionate about, so things were great. Not to mention that she got months off when school was out _lol_ knowing her, that was a dream come true _right there_.

Working on and off meant she was _VERY_ present and attentive to everything, always available for everything from hugs to harsh pep talks, to a quick _ass-whoop_ if you needed one. We were good kids though so that didn't happen too often and when it did, she outsourced that _shit_ to James super fast. _lol_. Their favorite punishment was sending us to our room, something I tried to avoid especially around night time, _lol_ I got real obedient and quiet once the sun started to disappear but sometimes she made me, just ( _for trivial reasons_ ) to help me get over the fear of the dark. That's how brilliantly proactive she was, it's something I'm glad she made me face and conquer early in life. She would find what scared you and make you face it. _lol_. So you got over it.

I remember her being very fun and playful and very social. She was Everybody's favorite Woman in Church, the Salon, dry cleaners, car wash, you name it. She was very strict with our academics. We read multiple Story Books each week, she has especially hard on me, her only girl for many years. It wasn't all fun but it paid off. Our home library was always full and stocked with new books. We rarely watched television and when we did it was stuff they had carefully curated. She had a handful of friends, had a little women's singing group for the _Full Gospel Fellowship, Ankpa Chapter_ , a Global Organization they were both a part of for many years even until their deaths.

Ever the creative, She taught herself to play the Guitar and learned how to sew before she had Me & Aaron So she kept pretty busy. Church was also considered socializing at our house. We aren't big on parties, throwing _or_ attending them so that was the extent of our weekly interactions, except for the occasional house visits. It was just me Aaron and Joshua for a while. The boys played sports while I was on the school debate team, I preached Sunday school in the children's church, and sometimes was often class captain. Parents of the _Star Child lol._ They couldn't be prouder.

Life was simple and sweet, she had her western influenced ideas about life and success that was obvious in how she ran her home. From the arrangement of our school lunch boxes to the strict barn on speaking igala in her house, to the way she dressed herself and us, everything screamed _different_. Her usual unapologetic uniqueness and creativity was more than a lifestyle that permeated everything she did, it was her mindset. She wasn't trying to fit in and this was quickly apparent to everyone everywhere and in every role she ever played throughout her life a common thread.

It was as if the concept of _money_ didn't matter to her so she didn't pressure him because of it. If she wanted something, she got it. Recognizing earlier in her life that a God was her Source. She loved the things she had and knew she would have nicer once soon enough. There was always laughter and Music at home I knew I could be open, let my guard down and just play and talk to her. Maybe that's the reason it took me a while to understand money. They didn't really give us access to it either. Looking back now it seems intentional on their part, whatever we needed we knew we'd receive by asking.

There was almost no conversation about money until I was maybe six years old when I " _earned_ " some for the first time. How? My mother came up with an earning system to encourage extra good behavior from us kids, genius! right? So we got rewarded for things like saying our please and think you, closing doors, picking up our toys, making your beds in the morning ( _I never did this one_ ), _lol_ or my favorite, helping her water her flower garden in the evenings. You earned you a good 5 to 20 Naira everyday depending on the day and time of day you were dealing with mum. ( _Her mood swings were legendary_ ) _lol._ These tasks were technically not considered chores. See, In our household, technicalities where important, _lol_ prolly because our father's litigation and negotiation skills were rubbing off on all of us, who knows. Then there was also the time, during Christmas holiday in the village I think it was, just to get rid of us noisy kids one afternoon while the parents were out visiting, my grandmother ( _paternal_ ) shared her Maggi Seasoning Cubes into tiny plates for us and sent us to the village market to sell _lol_ I was so proud that I finished my merchandise, I couldn't wait to tell my dad who was furious she sent us to do that _lol_ , it was a little scary but a fun adventure, other than that though as a child, I had no other recollections of interactions with the money thing.

This doesn't mean I wasn't exposed to money at all, that would be super weird _lol_ , of course I knew what it was and that you worked to get it but I never felt any pressure on them directly related to finances. Looking back now its not that we were wealthy, not even close, daddy worked is _butt_ off which he loved and mummy worked but it wasn't our family's focus.

Overall, I think they built an atmosphere that worked for them, that highlighted the lighter things and wasn't centered on money pressures. It helped that they had built their dream home in their 30's so the insane rent pressure was off them too. So basically when it came to money, If we had it, great. If we didn't, we spoke of all the things we wanted as definite eventualities while being content with the preset. This was a way of thinking I have come to be extremely thankful to have been raised in.

I think this contentment stemmed from their deep gratitude for the life we led and what they were able to provide for us which was by far better than what they were born into. My paternal grandfather died in his thirties, leaving behind his Widow and 7 children, all under the age of 20. She didn't work. My father had just finished high school and had to put College on hold to get a job to " _support_ " the family. His only older sibling had just been married to a " _successful local politician_ " and moved to her new home within the same town in _Dekina_.

I've heard the story a hundred times or more but even as a child, I couldn't help but wonder what his Mother was doing to help out and why at least his three immediate younger ones who I my opinion, where old enough didn't get jobs or something to do to " _help out_ "? Why did everything have to be one his shoulders?

We were told stories of the epic levels of poverty they lived through, of sharing clothes, passing down shoes and with little to eat while surviving on his teacher's assistant salary.

Thankfully, he found his faith in this phase of life and these years ended up being a moulding period for a level of sacrificial living that would come to _characterize his entire lifetime._ He took multiple jobs tutoring kids and other menial jobs to put food on the family table. What an unfair level of responsibility to place on a teenager. As you'd imagine, He had to " _father up_ " really quick. No doubt his faith kept him strong and hopeful in these extreme pressure filled years. He " _humorously_ " told us often how his entire inheritance from his kind hearted banker father was a bicycle. ( _call me weird but I never quite saw the humor in that particular sentence)_. But he always made references to how the goodwill of this father was his true inheritance, even though I didn't get it then, I would come to.

Don't worry Lucy Fatima Yusuf aka Blessing Ocholi wasn't an heiress herself. Her father was a " _Malam_ " or "Alhaji" always wondered what that meant exactly like i'ld think to myself _so what was his job or trade exactly?_ I had no idea. She was born when a three time divorcée hooked up with a _Malam_. I Only knew him as _baba ogane_. ( _Father on the lower parts of town_ ) ( _the literal igala translation_ ) I say hooked up because there was never actually a wedding. My grandma never lived with him or changed her name, there was no family.

Mama was another special character. All I knew of her was she was incredibly stunning, ( _like super model stunning)_ , 6ft something tall, thick long beautiful hair, glossy dark skin, crazy long legs and model type boobs. _lol._ This beauty earned her a nickname in her village " _mami water_ " which is often used to describe women with extreme beauty throughout the country actually. _A Slang for"mermaid_ " (in pop culture, mermaids have a reputation of basically being mythical goddesses of the Sea). _Reference Disney's Ariel and her entire underwater village filled with stunning people. lol._

Promiscuity is typically seen as a classic ' _stunning woman problem_ ' fighting? _lol_. Rumor had it she had a problem. She kept having extremely good-looking kids who grew up to be wildly successful but all died in their prime. All the years I knew my mother, she only ever referenced two of her siblings _ever_ and not even by name. One was a Navy Man who died shortly after visiting her and her mother at home, the other was the last born, only 4 years old who died while she, only a teenager at the time was carrying him on her back.

All their deaths were under really mysterious circumstances and nobody could really explain. That last child's death was the final straw, my grandmother went into a deep state of grief and anger that would last until her death in 2002. This cost her any real relationship with my Mother. She decided she wouldn't love and hold her breath for my Mother to be taken as well, besides, of all the _good kids_ she had had died, why would this one survive? This was her thinking. I think it was just a defense mechanism to shield herself for hurting again. She couldn't in _any real sense_ bring herself to be a mother to Lucy anymore.

A series of violent outbursts and incidents later, relatives decided it was better _and safer_ for my mother to be raised in the homes of multiple aunties, and uncles. One thing though, Grandma was widely successful,. An incredible Entrepreneur. In addition to her beauty, she had an avid business sense and travelled across the Country and out of the country sourcing things for her many ventures. Why didn't my mum live with her father? One word _polygamy_.

Anyone from a huge polygamous home understands this. If your own mother doesn't live in the compound, you are in extra trouble sometimes life or death level of problems. Her mother wasn't about to let that happen, also she swore my Mother must get an education, something my Grandfather didn't believe in, educating female kids so This meant she'd have to bear the cost herself, alone.

Grandma felt like an education was her only setback so she was determined that her daughter would have it. She promised to pay for school and provide all she needed but was unable to be emotionally available to raise the child. The years that passed saw my mom move between at least six families across the Country. Kano, Benue and Lagos are three places I know she lived. Of course this had a couple of effects, like an unstable education. Various stressful domestic situations, like learning to cook and raise other children while being a child herself, suffering lack in-spite of plenty because. It's not clear how much of the money her mother sent actually made it to her hands for her welfare. This triggered some survival skills as she developed an unprecedented level of resourcefulness. I am yet to see _anyone_ else with her level of resourcefulness. She could do so much with a little. She was naturally creative, and taught herself to make the most of very bad situations. A skill that would come to be invaluable after she met and married my father. It was a gift. I call it that because it was more than a talent.

We heard stories of lack, mistreatment by uncle's wives and jealousy from " _children of the house_ " but through it all she was resilient. She learned to be a home maker and with no real guide or mentor to take responsibility for her, I've always thought it was a miracle that she was always so disciplined and proper. She spoke and carried herself like a Queen, I think she believed she was. She referenced to God often as her Father. _Not heavenly Father, Blood Father_. _Yup_. In her mind, if your Father is King of the kings, what does that make you? Royalty lol and the best kind too with everything you can ever want at your feet.

Although Born a Muslim, ( _duh, Malam's kid)_ she converted and became a Christian as a teenager. She and her cousin often snuck out of home to church crusades and Christian Youth Camp Programs and risked getting into trouble. ( _now makes me feel like I could have gotten away with a lot more than I dared to try. lol)._ She converted against both her Parent's wishes and this was the beginning of cracks in those relationships. She was head strong and stood her ground, something I feel they've always respected her for but didn't agree with.

She was her father's favorite daughter, he didn't even try to hide it something he passed to me naturally, so this only fueled the jealousy she had to endure from her step family in the Compound. Even though she didn't stay very long, I got a sense that she really loved him and wished she didn't have that drama to deal with so she could grow up with him. Whether of not he wanted to sponsor her Educational, she would have at least had stability. A common theme throughout her life, I think she craved that the most, stability and security.

Being older now, I appreciate that God gave her exactly that in the Husband he picked out for her. They both have this in common. They both described finding their faith as life changing encounters, my dad's conversation story comes complete with a theme song _lol_ " _The infamous Hymn; Old Rugged Cross_ " this song was sung at _ANY_ major life event he ever had. His value for this song _cannot_ be put into words. They both got saved over summer holidays. Isn't it funny how God would eventually cross their paths to be woven forever?

All the skills and lessons they both developed in this phase of their lives would prove crucial for the life they would eventually build together. Writing this now only confirms a lesson I learned recently, that everything is intentional with God. Nothing is accidental. We're talking about a Guy that took the time to describe to Moses what color of buttons he wanted on the uniforms of his Priests. _Need I say more guys_?. Oh and In case you're too lazy to google it?, its Purple.. _lol your welcome._

So, If you are brave enough to choose to let your life to be lived by him, he really orchestrates all things, even the bad ones to work together for your good. (There's good and there's _YOUR_ good.) Problem is, it's often hard to see what he's working out in the moment, you'll only see it looking backwards. Suddenly, it all adds up. Suddenly, It all makes sense.

— Emphasis on you Choose.
Slaying On a Budget

We already established that Fatima was a broke chic in her twenties, what I haven't told you is that she was born a _Fashionista_. lol _Yeah_. As any true fashion girl would tell you that's our version of a horrible nightmare. _Like the devil is a wicked devil magnitude of nightmare_. Don't lose hope girls. Jesus saved the day because somehow in all of that lack she was _slayyin._

Dressing up remains one easy way to _pick yourself up_ and be happy, but What do you do when you don't have money though? The real question is what did Lucy do when she had no money and a lot of Jesus?

Well, She was never trendy, as anyone knows, trendy typically equals doling out tons of cash on pieces frequently, but she had style & made it all work. If you asked her she'd say she had help. What I loved about this phase of her life and find most impressive is that she never allowed not having money to splurge on all the things she wanted and _deserved_ to become excuses to do immoral things to get them. It wasn't that the " _opportunities_ " weren't there. She was a very attractive girl with a smile that could light up any room. _She could have easily chosen to use her looks to get things_. She had a presence about her that was both intriguing and inviting. She had a beauty that radiated from the inside like you wouldn't expect from a girl who had suffered such loss and rejection. Looking at her you, would never have guessed what she had been through.God had taught her not to let her emotional scars be her identity. _He took away the loveless, rejected, abandoned girl one and gave her a new Identity_ that I believe filled her with genuine love and peace that shined through.

She had several Suitors, Proposals from old and young guys, a lot of them were richer than James by the standards of that time. _Her father was frustrated by her choice because her beauty to him was a means to get a better life than he could give her_. If she wasn't grounded, with as little supervision as she had, she could have easily lived whatever lifestyle she wanted and successfully hidden it from the Adults in her life. I am grateful and very proud that she chose to separate herself and live life according to her God's standards. Material things have just never been worth it to her. She'll often joke, " _let's show up to any event, you with your expensive clothes, me with my cheap ones and and I'll look better dressed"...lol_

She wore what ever she had well, I'd say she was stylish not fashionable. Style can't be taught. You're born with that _shit lol._ She invested in pieces that where classic, versatile and simple. She could have easily written a book titled _a broke girl's guide to looking good lol._ She kept them in pristine condition and accessorized differently each time to create the illusion of many clothes. That must have been difficult because She had an allowance that only covered tuition, transportation and feeding ( _barely_ ). There were days she went without because she couldn't afford food at the School Cafeteria. Still, she invested her time in campus fellowships, serving on Committees and wherever she was needed, a lifestyle she maintained long after leaving school. God in his brilliance made sure she was found, right there, serving and worshipping. Her man was bearing his own set of scars beautifully and also serving. It was there that God matched their hearts.

— God the Stylist
Americanas in Ankpa

I grew up on stories of my Mother being referred to as " _Onobule_ E _nefu_ " ( _the white woman_ ), she took it as a compliment but I'm not sure that was the intention.

The older I got the more I understood why. She'd say _in her beautiful voice_ that her Mother would call her " _Lucy Oyinbo_ ", meant as an insult for her unusual ways. Growing up in _Otukpo_ , a small town in her Mother's State of Benue, She stuck out naturally because she spoke different, acted different, saw life different and aspired to things much different from her environment. I guess her ferocious reading habit, _no doubt_ a welcomed escape from her often harsh realities, had a lot to do with it. It gave her comfort and hope but it was more than that, It inspired and birth dreams that could not be put out no matter what names she was called.

Sadly her broken mother took out all that misplaced anger from the death of seven children on her, which doesn't make sense but grief is not rational. Try as she did, in hopes of gaining her mother's love and affection, it didn't work. The woman was broken and blinded by her pain. Having a your only child convert from your religion in the middle of that was probably the last straw. She was a pagan, so to her that was yet another loss. Nothing could hide how different she had become, it was a gift from God and she was excited about her new life. In that predominately pagan society though that was another hot topic on its own. It only fueled her Mother's contempt & things pretty much spiraled from bad to worse.

Many People in her life weren't quite sure how to handle her uniqueness, her father's home wasn't an option, he was a leading Muslim in his Community, the taboo of a _Malam's_ daughter going to church as news worthy in Ankpa also. I find that She often cause polarized reactions in people, you where either totally smitten or irrationally repulsed. Considering how bad things were for her at both homes I think she developed a thick skin. A trait that would come in very handy in the life that awaited her. In her Mother's words, _"all her good children had died, why would God leave this one_?" referring to her.

Can you imagine the pain the young girl had to live with? To know that for no fault of her's, the Mother who should by nature love and protect her not only rejected her but loathed her enough to wished her dead and say it out loud. I know it was only by God's grace that she was healed from all that, enough that by the time she had us, she was the polar opposite of what she had lived through.

Beyond the many hurtful things her mum would say to and about her, as if the emotional punishment wasn't enough, there was the physical abuse she endured. The one thing her pain didn't hinder her from doing was inspiring on a full education for my Mother. Thank God.

At her worst, She could no longer stand the sight of her daughter, all she became was a painful reminder of the others. Their relationship would have remained estranged until the end, amazingly by the time I met _Lucy turned Blessing,_ now in her twenties and my mommy _lol,_ she was totally and completely at peace and had forgiven her mother for rejecting her. I guess in light of growing up and having her own kids, she had more empathy for a mother loss. Grandma came to visit us as often as she could, and lived with us for a number of years when she got too old to care for herself alone, From my observation, that mother-daughter bond was never there, not even for us her grandchildren ( _well all except for Ele who came when the woman was so old she was full on convinced the kid was hers_. _Lol_ seriously, if you touched my baby sister Ele, you had Mama to deal with.

Thank God Mama insisted on the one thing that actually made all the difference, an education, because apart from it creating the excuse to be a away from her angry mother, there's nothing Lucy loved more than learning. A habit she had maintained all of her life, From getting a Masters Degree in a University in another State than we lived at the time ( _while pregnant with her fourth child_ ), to her enormous library of books on a wide range of topics, to enrolling for a PHD in Education in her Fifty's, it was abundantly clear that the woman loved the pursuit of Knowledge.

I wish I could say her tough upbringing was limited to the home but the Catholic Schools she attended as a born-again teenager weren't any better. She was constantly picked on by "well-meaning" " _sisters_ " who made it their business to bully her out of her new found faith.

There seemed to be turmoil everywhere around the kid to the point of being expelled for something as ridiculous as her Eyebrows being too thin, an causation which would later be labeled " _drawing in her Eyebrows_ " _lol._ what a joke.

With all of this chaos, its no wonder she prayed early and knew exactly how her home was going to be. When she met the man God made for her, they both committed to building a stable one together. Not having a functioning Family Unit made her very adamant on the kind she would someday build. thankfully, I am a beneficiary of that clarity. The Husband came in high-school or was it middle school? Our school format has changed so much in the years since that then, where they met technically no longer exists but they where young. He had also found Christ. Suffice to say, Heaven made that match. Five minutes with them together is all it would take for you to figure that out.

One year for our family vacation, ( _which thanks to my dad was mostly someplace in the country_ ) _lol_ we went to the beautiful city of Jos were the entire love story developed as students on the same campus and in the same fellowship. All of Us kids got the full " _before ya'll arrived"_ tour that week. _lol_. They had so much fun tracing their footsteps through their halls of residence, Cafeteria spots and yup, Secret Gardens prayer spots _lol,_ I'm talking almost 20 years prior guys, They were that couple. Knowing that they died together some people who know them well have said and _maybe I believe as well_ that they can not imagine one without the other. _James &Blessing._

I mean the woman let her man change her _fuckin_ name guys, that is love and submission in the flesh. _lol_ Don't worry though, she wasn't some push over or doormat wife, she was actually his ally and counsel on most things. She'd listen and ask questions, understand the situations and pray about them. He in their years together, learned to listen to her opinions because she had proven to be in communication with God.

He too was guided, and she knew it so trusting him was easy. I think there's nothing as beautiful and seamless as following a Man who is guided by God. Think about it, God created Adam for one thing, Friendship. So, if your man's got that down, _Jackpot_! _lol_

And here's the best part, If you're right with God too, there'll be no need to fight! At least not over weighty things. What you fighting for? Ya'll are in constant communication with the same Guy and He never author's confusion.

_Aaanyway_ , so yes, we had our very own Bonny&Clyde except without the crime _lol_ , _I would say ride or die but in light of everything, that pun might be too close for comfort_ and also, shouldn't it be ride _AND_ die? I've always wondered, because to me _Or_ means I've got to choose. I don't want to choose. Let's just do both baby, _lol_. Always.

Let us Finally to learn why the Chapter has _Americana_ in the title, _lol_ Blessing was ready is all I'm saying. She built the home of her dreams right out of her God given imaginations.

Right before they got married the prayed and asked God for direction specifically on where to begin, He told them to start their lives in Ankpa, they agreed and obeyed. She got pregnant with me as a _Copper,_ serving her time with the Nigerian National Youth Service Corp _(NYSC_ ) a year after their wedding. Their first house was a little two bedroom Apartment with red rough textured paint and a black Pickett fence. It was right on the street _lol_ and within a few years, he had a successful legal chamber in town and she had multiple ventures. In no time they built the house of her dreams, right there in the town of her father so nobody could ever say God doesn't do his people good.

Our House was all-white, with a Flower Garden and lots of space to run around, she and dad played tennis some weekends and we had events in the compound. We only watched carefully curated American Television. I don't remember watching anything that wasn't pre approved until I moved to Lagos at the age of Eight- _ish_ and now having cable Tv combined with the pure hassle of Lagos, all their rules became harder to control. _Living in Anpka,_ being _in Igala speaking environment_ , her plan for our diction was simple, we all read lots of books and nobody was allowed to speak Igala around or to us. She was willing to make that sacrifice if it meant our pronunciations wouldn't be altered.

"Communication is important" she'd say often tutoring us herself and especially correct every grammar and rewarding the use of new English words. We had special lunch arrangement for schools and played family tennis on Saturdays, we had picnics and special homework that made us learn things outside of the classroom curriculum. Like essays and articles on butteries, encyclopedias, atlases and dictionaries. We were referred to as those "O _yinbo_ " (white) children. Maybe being "white" isn't a skin thing afterall. Maybe this sticking sentence I've heard a few times is true that "America is an idea". All I know is In the end, being " _Lucy Oyimbo_ " wasn't so bad.

— Never allow anybody's words rub you of being special. Your You-ness.  
Clear it with God and do what he says. Because all of your quirks are his ideas.
Man Alone

This was my brother Joshua's first nickname. One of my first memories of him as a child is probably us being home at the family house in Ankpa, him wearing a button down short sleeved bright colored printed shirt, sitting/kneeling in his favorite spot under the green transparent roof of the courtyard, quietly ( _of course_ ) playing with his favorite tiny piece _LEGOs,_ building a very complex Train that was complete with Chairs in Coaches and People. He was at most three years old. He could sit there on his folded legs for hours.

This description characterizes my brother completely. Anything difficult and challenging but isolating and creative without any rules was where he found the most bliss. Dude always seamed to be matching to his own bit.

This one was born with an unconventional brilliance and a complete lack of any real need to please anyone but himself. This meant he was a _weirdly_ content, quickly independent child, something my mother both loved and loathed _lol_. A trait that earned him the nickname. This trait was only compounded by his isolating " _physical issues_ " of speech impairment ( _really chronic stammering)_ and really curved bowed legs. Even as a child myself I found him fascinating.

I remember asking my mum why he was so quiet, thinking he didn't like us or something _lol_ ( _My brother Aaron and I),_ she explained that he was different and just really enjoyed his own company and to not take it so personal.

What I didn't understand as a child at that age was that he was naturally isolated by his inability to communicate his thoughts. He struggled to get simple words like our names out and that alienated him. Being younger than us two who just talked for hours, _especially me_. _lol_ must have been frustrating, Aaron was always more empathetic and I guess being a boy, they found common ground to bond on. They developed that sibling bond that would take me years to have with him. He was quiet but you always got a sense that he had a strong opinion on you and whatever it was you were saying, very thoughtful and often meticulous in his responses, they were often out-of-the-box and worth the wait. He chose his words carefully so he communicated effectively often needing very few. I always got a sense that he was brilliant in a very practical way. He figured out what was good for him, found the best way to do it and went straight into execution mode spending little time on evaluating consequences, this made him very sporadic with multiple interest deciding quickly if he made the right decisions or not. I saw this pattern in almost everything he did, from school course selections, to girlfriend choices, to career decisions and even hobbies. This made him adventurous, bold and always with a good story.

My mother was a crier, she cried her way to get almost everything she wanted especially when dialogue and reason had failed her. She wasn't weak and fragile, _far from it_ , that was just her _last resort lol_. After she had done everything, she turned to good old fashioned waterworks. Her tears never worked on Joshua. ( _don't tell her we know cuz she will deny it but_ ) He was her favorite. They both knew it.

Eventually, the Years that followed saw him blossom into an assertive, selectively quiet but very social young man. Being the middle child and last born for many years, before my two sisters came along, he was able to get away with a lot. He was so tenacious and curious and active. I could write a whole book on how much trouble Joshua got into, from bizarre scenarios like disappearing from right under his nanny's watch and being found in odd ( _and sometimes dangerous_ ) places like a drum of water for instance, _Only God knows how he saved him_ , to breaking the same arm three _freaking_ times and having to reset the thing three times. _Ouch_ To say the least, the kid was a hand full. He had a car accident once because he insisted on being the first to drive. In his words ... _it makes absolutely no sense to have a perfectly functioning car parked at home with places to go and not at least try to move it, even if dad says not to, even if I don't know how to drive_ " _lol_... _Yup!_ that pretty much sums up the guy. He would disappear for hours some days to go play Video Games at this public place he had discovered on one of his walks around our neighborhood, because my parents insisted it was a huge distraction. In their eyes, the _freakin_ Television was bad enough _lol_.

He loved to have fun and go out and socialize, He made friends everywhere and quickly. He made great conversations, loved babies instantly and had many people who loved and respected him. He was funny, witty and _low-key_ caring. He had this ability to surprise you because even though he acts uninterested he's actually listening and paying close attention. He was brilliant and so able to pick up any skill he got interested in. Anything from fixing electronics to playing the piano whatever he was into, he learned. He was easy going, smiled always, loved food and sleep laughed out loud with a squint and has a fantastic sense of humor. Dude Had incredible style and was very particular about his things.

He didn't seem to have enemies although he had a temper. He'd let you know real quick you had _fucked_ up and won't mince words when he confronts you. He Loved music and used his many talents to serve in any group he found himself. He was first to try out most things in our _righteous_ Family, _lol_ to name some, Alcohol, Sex, Driving, Weed, bringing _Worldly Music_ into Ocholi's House, Watching Porn _lol_ you name it, he was first. But that also meant he was quickest to get over the hype and control these things.

In the year of his death, he was doing his NYSC with the Petroleum Technology Development Fund (PTDF) in Abuja, Nigeria. A placement he worked out by himself after spending all of ten minuets at his previous positing. _lol_. He was good like that at quickly finding exactly what he loved and getting it done.

Having been away from my family for a long time I hadn't noticed when or how much he had matured and how clear he had become on his vision for his life. He had _without a doubt_ met God personally. Everything about him was different. Better. More aligned.

I was so proud of him at our annual family planning session in that that year, 2016 and amazed at the clear plans he had made for his life, aiming for big things that included getting a Masters in America and continuing in his field of International Relations and Conflict Resolution, a field he had come to be so passionate about and was willing to pursue international platforms that would give him better opportunities of developing. Never one to be afraid of reaching for the stars and with the support of his incredible family, there's no telling who he would have become.

The last memories I have of hanging out with him is us dancing at our Father's Thanksgiving Ceremony after party for his Ministerial Appointment and Us going Carpet shopping for the Village House _where ironically, his earth-suit is now resting._ Our last conversation was a day before he died, we caught up on everything from our dating lives, to music and pop culture to making plans for the next time I was home.

In addition to being my baby brother, he was my friend, mine and everyone in our family's. His very fitting middle name was _Eboojo_ means the _Banner of God_. Words cannot describe what a lose it is with him not in this world today but I know that heaven, as it always does, has a Plan.

— He was 21.
A Purpose and A Life

Everywhere we went, my mother made as many people as she could read the book _A Purpose Driven Life_. _lol_ She was constantly sharing the idea to people she met or quoting from it. Sometimes I think her job description in our family was life coach. _lol_ A coach is more _hands on_ than a mentor which I love, She did it naturally. She had this beautiful ability to be your greatest cheerleader and equally _as annoying_ one to be your shrewdest critics. I believe this balancing act is the invaluable role of Mothers that makes you better.

These days we have come to appreciate her candor and honest ability to say things no matter how difficult because we needed to hear them. Everyone needs that & In my experience, it takes finding God to find yourself. Not everyone has this opportunity, so I am extremely grateful for getting a second chance. Everyone thought I'd be a lawyer as a child, you should have seen the look on dad's face when I told him I didn't want to, He was supportive _as always_ but I could tell he hoped I would share the same love for the Law. I found what I love and am good at early. It wasn't a straight road but I'm blessed to have found it at all. Mr Bezos says People have Jobs, Careers or Callings. I'm blessed to have the later. This mental shift from what I do to _who I am_ has changed Everything.
Blessing's Thesis in a Nut Shell Featuring; The Educational System

Her entire work was basically exploring the very glaring gap that exists between the Labor needs of the Nigerian Market and the Skills that graduates are actually being trained at in Tertiary Institutions across the Country. It also wanted to study the effects of this growing gap on the Economy as well as offer solutions to close it. Brilliant, i know right?! ( _my smart mama_ )

It was so hectic for her trying to pull the idea together, I watched her sit at that dinning table, up long nights trying really hard to finish that work she started, I am beyond proud of her. Sadly, She hadn't completed it at the time of her death. Being such an advocate for young people, she would have loved to leave that as a parting gift at the very least. Knowing all I know now, if I could go back, I would help her complete it. I like when academic work actually offers plausible, actionable solutions to real world situations. Otherwise, what a _fuckin_ waste of God given precious time.

As a case study, she was looking into what the Indians did to close their gap and to within a period of in ten years, become global players in the Technology and Customer Service Industries. ( _Just in case you're interested in exploring this subject further)._

What I know for a fact is that there is a growing movement of young people calling _bull-shit_ on the entire Educational System and for many very _very_ valid reasons. At the end of sixteen to twenty years of schooling, it can be asked, what _real-world,_ life applicable things has one learned exactly? Then there's the overwhelming number of " _illiterates_ " and school dropouts that have made it big by all globally accepted standards of success. Then there is the obvious crack in the pro school argument that leads to questions like _,_ Why isn't everyone taught Money at school? Making it, saving it and investing it? Which makes sense because why should that vital information be kept for a few who have " _Math inclined_ " brains when we all need that _shit_ and use it on a daily? Schools definitely haven't taught anyone on marriage and relationships, not really.

How about Citizenship? There's bound to be some basic _ass_ principle on this subject no? Since it's a title and obligation every occupant of earth _ever_ has had? Seriously, nothing? No basic introduction about being and contributing to the whole?. It shouldn't be a one week topic in a subject for one year in the 4th grade. Who the _heck_ remembers that _shit_ when you're an adult and actually have to be one?. And no it's not "common sense" to successfully be all these major things that we _all_ become eventually. shouldn't these rank very high up on the agendas of all Educational Institutions?

Let's move on to Leadership shall we?, ( _insert every fucked up leader we all know_.) I wonder how differently these people would have performed if someone actually taught them this _shit_ instead of pitting them against each other for centuries and giving them their time in the " _spotlight_ " to basically wing it. Like What the actual _fuck_? What? We're supposed to fill In the blanks on all the actually important _shit_ that we need but exchange ( _arguably_ ) the best years of our lives and incur massive amounts of debts ( _American problem_ ) for colorful pieces of paper to hand on walls? It really is a sad reality because it takes people years to pay back so inadvertently enslaved for another ten years. That's thirty- _ish_ years guys. Thirty _fucking_ Years.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not for scrapping the thing completely. Simply presenting the truth so we can figure out what would actually work without screwing destinies over because this _ain't_ working. To whoever designed this, thanks a lot dude, it's been _unreal_ , but the show really must go on. It was probably good for you and your world, at some point in time ( _in fact I bet it was_ ) however, this world we live in right now, it needs something else. Something Radically different.

Personally, I say school should be aligned with your passions _yup,_ Just learn what you love, and when you discover and or wish to pursue another one, go do that and again until you die. That's how you ace _shit_ , you thrive at things that come naturally to you. Get involved and push that Industry forward. It definitely shouldn't cost this much and it should _NOT_ be this long. We need more practical Curriculums and put you in situations to actually do the _damn_ things you're learning!. ( _Actually, after Domus, in this area, I think The Italians are up to something)_

" _General_ " Studies should include lessons on being a decent _fuckin_ human being and how to hold each other accountable to establish standards.

Somehow, I know that if we all sat around opened up and swap notes on our collective experiences with education here, one, it wouldn't be a good story but even more importantly, we might just see the problem clearer and get solutions for it.

— school vs learning
It Wasn't Love.

When I was thirteen years old, I remember sitting on my back row desk in my class when I first saw the _crazy in love_ Album Cover. That was the beginning of my fixation on getting plastic surgery. _Yup_ Just like that, I sure I would have plastic surgery when I grew up. I told Everyone that would listen. It was all part of my 10 year plan. _lol_ I told my Family I was starting a savings fund toward it and that they were invited to contribute ( _At that age I never knew to keep my own secrets very well_ ). For some bizarre reason I kept assuming everyone with me were _with me_. Mistake.

Anyway, my parents were in on this decade plan of mine. _lol_ I think they mostly just indulged me and were happy I had focus and direction. Along with this plan came research, lots of it. My adorable father was eventually roped into promising to cover part of the cost and my mother ( _never one to miss out on these good things lol_ ) made sure to take the opportunity to ask for her own all expense paid promissory note.

In 2010 I used my future wedding photo as emotional leverage to get my parents to pay for my dental procedure. I did all the research and my mother and I went for all the appointments. I've always had a dentition I didn't like. That was the major contribution to my total lack of confidence in those crucial teenage years.

At the peak of this self loathing phase, I wouldn't even look in a mirror or any reflective surfaces. This deeply sad and dangerous habit went on for years. Meanwhile I was considered _fabulous_ by all Secondary School beauty standards _lol_ I had guys showing interest in me in and out of school, girls who admired my looks, style and talents, I was _acing_ subjects I loved, I was queen of my house at inter house match past competition, once, I won a most beautiful girl " _Award_ " in my dormitory, I was in and out of fashion related troubles with teachers, _lol_ had this older guy singing weird songs in a language I didn't speak, all these _flattering_ things happening that most girls would want to have happen to them at school in such a public ways and yet I didn't like myself.

What does that tell you about self esteem? Of Course my parents didn't know the depth of it, How do you even start that conversation? My father took every opportunity to praise me and show how proud he was of me everyday and none of that mattered because I didn't know and accept the truth for myself. I didn't understand It was okay to love who you are while you work towards who you want to be. That wasn't something I understood, I wish I did. Every time I got a compliment, I got awkward about it.

The main object of my affection at the time got the opposite treatment though, _lol_ i was kinder to him than I was to myself. I took any chance to inflate his ego, never one to return the favor, I don't recall hearing him say anything remotely flattering to me. All I saw were gestures toward others. Why did I stay with him? because I couldn't see me, and when you don't see yourself as you are no one can help you. No wonder he treated me badly, he knew I didn't know who I was & What I was. It's sad but it's true.

This very confusing state made me truly oblivious to a lot, I was like this until my second year at University when we finally broke up. When this happened, I really did go through an identity crisis. While we were together, I never felt the need to meet or get to know other boys at all not even platonically, I just never even tried. They always tried I just was " _taken_ " in my mind. I spent a whole year going back to rewrite the finals the year before this breakup, when I tell you, as an intellectual, i was shattered inside. Easily the hardest thing I ever went through at the time. Suddenly I was thrust into a whole other world, I had never failed at anything before. At the new school, there was even another boy who honestly treated me like a queen but that didn't end so well. Mostly though I wasn't interested ( _not really_ ) because I was deluded and sure that In spite of the fact that there were no phone calls, or communication, I still held on to _hope_ that We would get together when my " _gap year"_ had ended. Well, we got back together again, like clockwork. I guess he took those breaks as license to get around with other girls because ultimately, finally finding out about one of those " _break girls_ " would end that _shit_ forever. Something about that last one really felt final plus he had moved away and I was in school with no way of being reached.

In the midst of all the personal chaos there was an academic one brewing because I switched my major after a semester. I had found myself a little more in the " _gap year_ ", originally admitted to study Banking and Finance but when I returned I was sure banking and finance wasn't for me. I knew the change would be challenging but the thought of spending the next four years doing something I didn't enjoy and studying to become something I didn't want to be was more terrifying to me.

So again, I was the new girl. In my first year I switched to Business Administration. After having a conversation with my parents I made the difficult switch and with that came the problem of collating my results. I spent an entire two years not know what grades I gotten on _any_ course and finally in the second year, during the _break up_ I _really_ had had enough. I felt like I didn't want to be in that environment anymore. Almost every face was familiar and even though he wasn't physically there, he kind of was. ( _it was like being at the secondary school compound again_ )

One day, I woke up, wrote a heart felt, hand written letter to my college officially withdrawing myself from school. I would rather change school than get to the end of the road only to be told I had failed something, I could have rewritten the whole time and then have to do an extra year. I didn't tell anyone, the letter had passed through all the processes involved except the last one. My Vice Chancellor had to sign off, Only she knew my Parents, closely and called them to intervene Instead. Mother flew to school and spent the next one week trying to figure out what had triggered this decision. While the _Results Situation_ was valid and my action was integral to it finally being resolved. I saw two years worth of results that summer that's 4 semesters at once _lol_ ,. Mom knew Derrick had something to do with it, because she had a front row seat to the whole rollercoaster ride that was the " _relationship_ " ( _you know how mothers are_ ), you'll be spilling everything before you even know it. _lol_

In her counsel that weekend, she mentioned something about a _Soul Tie_ and urged me to research it, after I did, I reassured her that wasn't the case. By the time she left, I was convinced it was time to finally focus on me for a change. So I made a promise to myself that until I left that school, I was going to _ace_ every paper and focus on only that. I found joy in the simple things, kept to a fairly simple routine, cut off social outings and kept myself open to making new connections with the people around me. To expand world within those walls.

The years that followed saw me foster friendly relationships with a whole range of people outside of my comfort zone. It didn't matter if we had something in common or not, if we were as much as in the same situation for an afternoon, we connected _lol_ , we got close and quickly started spending time together. simply by being more open and giving myself permission to. Of course that came with its own challenges but I can honestly say that was the most fun I had ever had in University. After a while things got more balanced.

Being a virgin made it easy to keep the boys away I think. What I hadn't realized until that period was being affiliated to him for so long in that way, we had become my identity. Without it, I really didn't know who I was _at all_. That all changed in that third year. I made a new definition, I loved what I discovered, I met myself. I started looking at mirrors. I started seeing myself. Before this time, I would rip photos of myself, I stopped. _lol I lovvvved the person I had just met. Me._

Everyone's heard about puppy love, but very few people actually get it right the first time, I was raised by two people who did get it right and maybe that became my standard. However, i should have known it was one of those rare stories. They were both young when they met in middle school at SBS. A love that would see them have a long commitment courtship until they got married in 88'. Honestly, how cool is that? How many people can say they met and married their high school sweethearts? Well my old house mate Anna's Parents met at age 4 and 5years old on the playground. It's one of those unicorn examples right? Because Not many. I have always admired what my Parents had and maybe unconsciously I went out into the world having that unrealistic expectation of how love was going to pan out for me. I really cannot remember much of school. Not the people, not teachers, no one. it was almost like I just breezed through it spending all my breaks on a swings by myself with my mind trapped in different books my mother had assigned. The main reason I don't remember much is probably that I was almost always in a new school so often that what happened was I got to a point where i learned how not to get attached to people. I learned to make the moment count and not depend on them being there tomorrow. _like_ theres no need to get attached for all I knew I would have to leave them soon.

I learned that I didn't have a " _type_ " not platonically or romantically, this part was probably on my Mother though because she constantly said how not to select who to befriend based on looks or money or popularity, to watch an environment and give some time before deciding who to be close to and to what extent. I think I did that better as a child than I did as a teenager.

You know that feeling of starting out in a new place? having to meet new people, figuring out how things operate it wasn't really fun for me and yet over and over and over again throughout my life this is a reoccurring theme. I've been put in these new situations and have had to figure it out over and over. Now I understand everything in my life happens by his design and he equips me for what's needed, but growing up I didn't have this perspective .The one thing that was non negotiable _especially for me_ at our house was I was not allowed to fail.

I'm not even sure if that was a standard I set for myself or something he decided for me but I was honestly _throughout_ my life deathly afraid of not being excellent and performing well purely to impress him and make him happy. As expected that came with pressure necessary at the time. Whatever the case, I'm fortunate to have had that motivation, Now it's not a pressure point but a privilege that I am grateful for.

My mother was the emotional support and permanent cheerleader. She was super proud, never missing a chance to share my accomplishments with everyone _lol_. Apart from being an A student at school and not getting into trouble they didn't really have any other expectations of me, they didn't have a social child and I wasn't encouraged to be one.

I had _crushes_ but never saw them in any situations that would even give me a chance to have any connection to explore whatsoever. Right from school, I was home, no after school activities not really, interaction with other kids outside the classroom except for church where non existent.

So it's no surprise I got to secondary school a little socially awkward, this time dealing with all the changes that come with adolescence but it turned out fine. Even better, I got accepted into Trinity College, it was a really cool positive environment and the boys had gotten noticeably cooler. _lol_ Especially the older one. I was popular because I was active is many school activities. I was in a singing girl group, called " _generation girls_ " _lol, I_ sang soprano in the school choir, joined a fellowship formed by the School Chaplain, was an Athlete, had "cool" School Parents and Friends all over school. Only looking back now I realize that was the most social I had ever been. With all that activity, my academics weren't as stellar but I did good. I think I met my first love in that school _lol_. The interview for Trinity was so cinematic, seriously like Hollywood produced Indie Movie type _shit_ and my dad had a front row seat for the whole thing, it was brilliant, _destiny_ even.

I thought to myself, there's no way God's going to yank me out of this sweet place. I am never leaving. Wrong! only a year later, my father had to break the news to me about how I had to make a sacrifice for my siblings. I knew it was serious because that's the only time in my life he had asked me to do that. It must have been especially difficult for him because remember he watched me fall in love with this school and thrive at being there. I knew it was difficult for him but it was time to put on the proverbial _big girl pants_ and tell him without flinching that it was ok. He promised to move me back when business at his Chambers picked up. Three of my four of my siblings had to attend a really preppy school in Lagos at the time ( _Lindsey_ ) that cost a lot. Just like that, I had to give it up all up again and move.

The next movie was bigger, much rougher and diverse, as a transfer student it was easy to stand out but I was a little upset about the difficult change and _pissed_ that I had to start over again. Probably in frustration a i settled and I just made friends with the first two girls that met me.

I made a decision even before getting in I didn't want to commit myself to anything nonacademic, This time _I'm not going to be involved_ I told myself. There's no point, who knows how long I was going to be there. Only I ended up staying 5 years. By far the longest I've stayed in any one school ever. Three out those five years was my choice though. After a year he kept his promise, business had picked up, only the offer was to move to yet another school in a different city ( _abuja_ ) because the family was moving again. This time, the decision was mine and I chose to stay. The main reason.? A boy.

I met him a year after starting there and the thought of not being there with him wasn't even up for discussion. I didn't really consider it. I had convinced myself that he was _it_ for me. In my head if it happened for my parents it could happen for me. _lol_ Only that's what I wanted to believe. He showed no inclination of committing, still I stayed with the version of him in my head. I think on some level, he knew I wasn't dating him? How could I? I didn't know him. I Didn't even know myself. Looking back, I learned that to love, you must first love yourself, otherwise anything goes, even the most mediocre of gestures are interpreted as love. I was drawn to what I felt needed fixing, he needed it _I would often tell myself._ At this point, everything that made me feel good about myself was external, that _shit_ should never be outsourced, that's the beginning of trouble.

My self criticism only deepened over the years. I didn't take photos, group of individuals, I didn't look in mirrors, I didn't believe compliments which I got often. At least often enough by secondary school kids standards _lol since they don't typically walk around being kind and complementary of each other_ , your confidence is your job. Used makeup light but still it was secondary school, I was often late because of it but thankfully I _aced_ school and on the surface seemed good socially.

Ironically, I was spending all this time focused on my physical appearance while simultaneously hating it and not even seeing myself for all those years. This confusing feeling never went away, not really.

Then I failed math in my final entrance exams into University. That was a really low point. I started to care less and less about my looks i essentially had to repeat the last year of secondary school. I got some very important _perspective_ In that year. It started out shaky, I decided my focus on my looks, being distracted by a social life had caused me to fail that subject when that wasn't the truth. When you're lost, I think you blame anything no matter how crazy it sounds. I was distracted by a bunch of things, Fear and anxiety contributed to that performance on that math exam that year. I had never failed before. That was my first experience so I took it especially hard. I was afraid and unprepared for it. I needed a " _bad guy_ " to take blame and fashion and singing were it. ( _I also spent the year blaming God for something he tried to warn my about buts a longer story lol)._

See, what I was forgetting to do was to look past that one grade and to

celebrate the rest. I forgot to be excited and proud of my other great performances. That one grade became all I could see. There's people who got into school that year on average results and I thought it was unfair to not be allowed to start with a D, Sadly, I allowed it taint everything. It would have been a better reaction to be grateful for the subjects I aced and with a good attitude resist the one I needed.

Because of the system of course that meant I had to retake the entire exam, I know that people opted to illegally pay someone to retake, it or registered at _special centers_ but my Parents would have never even agreed to those. So I swallowed my pride _lol,_ humbled myself and took the whole thing again. It was _this_ second result that was used by God to get the attention of a Consulate worker to fight for me to be given the Educational Visa I applied for to Italy. _God is incredible_.

I believe that year happened for a reason and the lesson in there was clear after a while that I needed a break, it served me better. I also needed to learn how to handle "failure" at something and appreciate even more all of my successes. I had gotten reckless and lazy, not willing to apply myself. I could have gotten an A if I had used the fear to fuel my drive to prepare more instead of crippling under it. That's never happening to me again.

God doesn't want us prospering in just one aspect of life, I think He wants an all round _Excellent Spirit_ to mark his own. It has taken years to understand this, I was choosing to dwell on the negative, that was wrong.

The second time writing the exams, my focus was right, God showed himself in that new school, I got to see myself thrive in another setting which gave me more confidence going into University. It wasn't perfect but it was a start and I'm grateful for that break. I toned down my focus on my appearance though _lol_. I prioritized better. I had spent three weeks on campus before the first result came out and I had to leave, so I got a real sense of what life was like on Campus. I knew going in the second time, that the least attention I drew to myself, the better chance I had of actually finishing without getting a reputation of being difficult. Once I got back ( _I had deferred my spot_ ), fashion and a social life took a back seat.

Ironically, doing the opposite is probably the norm right? For most people, University was a time of self discovery and expression, _style included_. It was a rational option but I was honestly too afraid that I'd get swooped up and loose focus again. The plan was simple, I basically gave myself a uniform, The formula was the same, buy many Corporate Shirts and Blouses in different prints and colors, buy different _mostly dark colored_ Pants, and rock similar shaped bags ( _also in different colors_ ). The only two standards I didn't tamper with was wearing heels everyday and my hair being as _bomb_ as it could possibly be _lol_. (w _ithin my budget_ ).

Everything else, was to be basic. The point was to blend in, with the million and one school rules, if I went in as myself it was a recipe for popularity and in that environment, that meant trouble. I just wanted to get in and get out. I didn't participate in anything, no more music, wasn't an athlete, didn't do any business, no mingling with boys it was literally a law. I wasn't there to _fuck_ around I wanted a dope _ass_ grade, get that certificate on time and on schedule. _lol That was it_. It wasn't worth standing up to another ( _even meaner)_ bunch of school staff who just always seemed to be out to set someone up for trouble. No be me.

Everyday there was a different story about people getting into all them ridiculous trouble and having to loose valuable time being suspended or expelled. That wasn't going to be me, so if you were a guy, to me you were like smoke. _lol_ Dating was the easiest way of catching heat, I was kind and respectful in the moment but once I left the college environment, you didn't exist. If you were a girl, and you were _popular_ , we weren't friends. I didn't want the attention, that would _fuck_ up my plan. _lol_ It worked.

At the end of the 4 years, I wasn't the same girl. Finally free and out, the _National Youth Service Corps_ was my first taste of freedom. Gratitude is a good antidote for a lack of confidence ladies. Apart from keeping you focused on God, it's hard to be down on yourself when you prioritize counting your blessings.

Here is my conclusion, the combination of being raised on carefully currated content and the absence of social interactions or exposure to certain parts of society gave me a somewhat _skewed_ perception of the world. This is partly why after the accident, one of the first decisions I announced to people who needed to know was that I felt like somebody lied or I haven't paid enough attention. Either way, I was going to deliberately unlearn and relearn God for myself. This also worked.

If you are anything like I was, holding on to an unhealthy situation because the person's _damage_ is alluring, Here's the truth I've now learned, you can't fix anyone, neither is it your job to, Not to mention a lot of times, these person doesn't need it. Don't be a victim or an enabler, those positions are both decisions you have the power to choose or walk away from. I'm not here to make you feel better, and I don't depend on you to do the same for me. God's got that particular job title. I will help you and love you as God helps me best to, what I have to offer I will make available, I am only responsible for my actions in a relationship. Yours are your responsibility. Where it infringes on my Peace you will be informed and held accountable as applicable. You don't get to bend me over to a breaking point to please you, that's not love, that's slavery.

On what love is, I have these to say. Love is a beautiful thing but there are unhealthy _knockoffs_ out there. Love is not a _feeling_ it's a decision. There is no fear in it. The right one will protect you instinctively, It won't always be pleasant, it is more beautiful when it's being given and gotten. Being peaceful doesn't mean being tortured, The nature of sacrifices is that they cost something valuable. Love is what makes sacrifices _make sense._ God sets the perfect example, _For God so love the world that he gave_. Of all the verbs that could have ended that sentence, _it is giving_. Too many selfish people claiming to be in love. If one person is giving alone, it is brutal.

Let's all Look out for that one that comes ready to give because they've figured the truth for themselves or even better, God's already shown them that you are worth it.

— settle the subject of your worth with God and no one  
will come along and try to fix their own price on your ass. lol
Schoolin Life

All Beyoncé fans know that word is not a typographical error)

My first memories of school was me in my purple and white check print dress at demonstration nursery school in Ankpa. I had a classmate with some health challenge, Down Syndrome I think it was, I felt it was unfair to expect him to keep up with the rest of us doing the same amount of work, so after speaking to my parents they encouraged me to help him out as much as I was allowed to. After asking my Class Teacher, he gave me permission so I always made a point to finish my work quickly to have time to help the boy out. That's the last classmate I remember through out primary school. I never saw him again after that year. I don't know what became of him, I changed school not long after but that experience stuck with me.

All through school I've tried to find people who can't and tried to find ways to help. He didn't say much but I always remember how grateful his Mother was during one _open day_ at school. She walked up to my mum and I to thank me on behalf of her son. That touch me and made me want to do more, not just for him but more kids around me. That was the first lesson I received in kindness. It has always stayed it's me.

I think the family Blessing married into could have chosen to be kinder, especially being fully aware of her pitiful story. I grew up knowing strife between my father's Mother and her, something I've always thought was unnecessary especially amongst Christians. Instead of adopting and accepting her, she was sidelined and attacked from the very beginning. Dad was always the breadwinner in their family, I guess him getting a family of his own threatened that, It didn't need to though because the bigger the need the bigger the opportunity for God to provide. If they had learned to trust God and not him, all that baseless fear would have melted away and never taken root. Unfortunately this strained relationship was fueled and maintained, what the devil wants to rob families of when seeds of strife are planted cannot be quantified. I don't have any recollection of enjoying time spent with my extended family. That's a shame. I saw her try to make and maintain peace, it never lasted very long. In the end I think everyone stopped trying whether that was wrong or right, Heaven will tell.

Hatred is a powerful thing if you feed it, It caused rifts so deep it's transcended two generations. After the accident, I had a movie story line play out among them in real time involving money. In the face of uncertainty for where his own children would live, they distributed money validated by the claim that their brother had promised to pay their own rents before he died. A promise they made sure he kept. _lol_

Some things to me where unimaginable before, I have since been shown though the propensity for darkness and the depth of evil that can be rooted in the hearts of men, even the ones that should love you. In a time that " _family_ " should protect they chose to tear apart. That's unfortunate.

I thank God for God because he knew the pain in my Mother's past and what was ahead and made sure to give her a solid man for a husband. One that first loved her so even though he wasn't perfect, everyday I saw him do his best to do right by her and her children. That's what happens when the hierarchy of your love and commitment is in the right order.

God first. _This_ is why I loved my father, because he was different, be made a genuine intentional effort everyday to be as God said he should to the woman he was given, and to the children they got. He had an understanding of genuine love and commitment. It wasn't superficial or nearly romantic by world standards, but It was, by God's.

At our home, He was Pastor and Priest, Counselor and Provider. Even when it wasn't easy to do the right thing, I watched him brace himself for whatever came and deciding to do it anyway. How blessed am I to have had these two people?

I only saw her cry once because of the lack of love in her life from so many people that should have, it actually wasn't so long ago. In December of 2015, _What would be our final Christmas together in a while._ I was helping to zip up her beautiful blouse as she prepared to accompany my father for an Awards Ceremony in the Village, standing on her side of the bed in her new House, the house where she would be buried three months later, in tears she said, " _why do I only hear from my family when they need me? For once I would like for someone to just call to ask about me_...

Hearing those words, my hear broke for her, She's always been very strong and I thought she was used to their indifference but that day I saw her heart. My mind flashed to years of stories of her being young and dealing with rejection and no love and how long she'd had to put up with that sort of treatment from " _family_ ". She's always been open and worn her heart on her sleeve, giving more than she received and getting less than she deserved but never complaining and always with a smile. That was unusual to be crying over. So I hugged and consoled her and as i finished helping her get ready for the Party that Evening, I remember making a mental note to be more available and to show her more intently that i loved her and feeling grateful to have what we had, thinking that if she still felt this way, then maybe we who did love her weren't showing her enough and we had to step it up because she deserved it. _I also remember thinking what a stunner my mother still was at Fifty Four Years old_. _lol_ My Father may have been falling in love all over again that day. She looked so beautiful. I also remember feeling thankful that I've got at least half of her on the inside. _lol_

Looking back, I should have done more. I should have made a promise to her on the spot and made more of an effort no matter how busy I got with trying to be a one woman army out there in Lagos to be there for her, not when it was convenient but everyday.

The Sunday before the accident, for some odd reason I got ready and went to our then Family Church, that was ironically right next to my apartment in Lagos. It was a funny area in Lagos but it was now home and it was mine. I was determined to make it work no matter where I had to start. I got ready and went to church and she was wearing this beautifully strange, royal looking cap. At first I didn't like it, then it grew on me, I made a mental note to call and tell her after but by the end of service, I couldn't take my eyes off her. In a strange way it looked like she was the only one in church ( _it was a live streamed service_ ) so I got to see her on the screen. That was the last time I saw her alive.

I'm not proud but I don't regret that at that point in my time, being away from home, I was going long days without speaking to her, ignoring her phone calls and texts. I only saw my father when he came to Lagos and invited me for lunch or dinner, suffice it to say, family wasn't high up on my priorities at the time. I was focused on what I was doing at the price of family relationship. _Major Error_. Yes I was busy but more so, i didn't want to listen to the bitter truths she had to tell me, bitter truths only Mothers who love you would say.

Days before she died, I called her and we talked for what seemed like forever. It had finally happened my mother and I were friends in an adult relationship. _lol_ We had finally found our rhythm. We talked about everything from, getting someone out of her house who needed to leave, to our first venture together, who needed to do what in the business and family, my future husband and children, things with my father since the appointment, how proud she was of me and my siblings, how incredibly blessed she felt, _you know bestie stuff._

Without a doubt that women wore many hats in my life, loving dotting Mother, tireless cheerleader and supportive fan, ( _she bought almost every item in my entire first clothing collection_ ) even the ones she didn't need _lol_. She was a loyal friend and confidant, honest Advisor, godly Counselor and fervent Intercessor, I don't feel loss anymore because these are all roles she can perform ten times better now from heaven. Besides, _God has all that covered, so she's probably just chilling._

Initially I honestly felt a profound sense of loss or missed opportunity but writing this, I see we became all that we were meant to be. I mean the woman lived steady like she had one foot in Heaven and the other on Earth. If you ever met her even for five minutes, I can almost guarantee you understand what I'm saying. She was unreal in the dopest, realest way possible _lol_. No doubt a result of the decade's long relationship she nurtured with her God.

I Can't explain how nothing external really fazed her. Her joy wasn't sourced here so it couldn't be tainted. It was infectious and seemed to sip out of her pores, not sure she understood the concept of strangers, and every time she opened her mouth something came out to add value in some way to someone. She was easily the wisest woman I ever met, a gift her husband would come to value beyond everything in the end.

Here's what I know, God is still watching out for my Family, I heard the best thing recently " _God has no grandchildren_ " we all his children, that's intimate stuff. Plus he says He is the father of the fatherless and that's huge to me.

If you've ever had a loving father and you know God, you'll come to admit that's a huge upgrade. I am so incredibly proud of the ageless _badass_ Queen that she was, She died an orphan so was a daughter of God.

All of the hurt she went through only fortified her, making her stronger, transforming her into the Queen she was always meant to be. Battle scars in hand, she stood strong, remaining kind and bravely loving. Never letting her light dim, she was a star just because and for all her achievements, I of all people know, those were all footnotes to where she as headed. she was really about to knock _shit_ straight out the park. Then what would evil have done? _lol_

Well, here's another thing I know to be true, God always has a plan, and it's always in motion, nothing changes it. In spite of what we think and feel in our very myopic perspectives. I'm just incredibly proud and honored to have been so closely linked to this great woman. I'm incredibly excited for what's lined up.

God, it's us now. Indeed God uses every single detail of our lives to tell His story.

— It often only makes sense to us, looking back.
Good Gifts Giver

A year into my mother's marriage she was told she wouldn't have children. We were told the story that randomly one month, She had a major complication with her internal organs that she had to have intense surgery. Even post surgery a doctor told her she wouldn't be able to conceive, but that's never enough to deter a strong praying woman is it? My young _broken mold_ of a mother not only got pregnant with me she went on to have four other amazing babies. She chose bright yellow as my birth color even though It wasn't the most popular for girls as you know. Being the do-it-yourself _MVP_ she was at the time, she made almost everything in my Nursery by herself. She said she couldn't find the kinds of things she liked and dreamed of having for her baby so she designed and made them sometimes by hand. I'm talking _everything_ in my nursery. Furniture included _lol_ I don't know why but she did, I'm sure money had parts to do with it but I've always loved that about her. Her resourcefulness.

Above my bed in that nursery was a framed photo of three white lassie dogs. It was up there for maybe four years. I would stare at the picture and ask God to give me at least one. My mother explained that this particular breed was not available in our country and that maybe one day I would get one for my family. Years past and we moved to Lagos, I asked my aunt who had married a vet about getting me one. I asked several times and He never did.

About a month after the Accident, One day someone just asks randomly " _do you guys want a dog_? I and the girls screamed yes!. With our eyes nearly popping out of their sockets, she drove us by her pregnant nieces' house, we walked through the doors and I couldn't believe my eyes, there were three white lassies just running around, We could have gotten all three right there but for the sake of Aaron's sanity (who was waiting in the car mostly in protest _lol)_ we chose to take one The tiniest one called _jolly_ just walks in, climbs the couch and goes straight to sleep on my lap. Fast forward some forty five minutes or so, when we're getting ready to leave, the little it wakes up, stretches and makes a _beeline_ for the door _Lol_ and that was it! dude doesn't even look back till he got to the Car. We change his name on the spot to " _oh_ " inspired after the Disney character in the animation movie _Home_.

It is the kindest, friendliest, playful, loving, easy going Dog you'll ever meet. Won't even get upset if you step on him, he'd just scream and lick your feet _lol_. I write this because I wanted one for many years and one day without even looking, it appeared. _It belongs to the girls but still._

— it showed me how attentive God is to the tiny details of  
your life and to relax in his ability to provide and his timing.
Death

My sister _Uyojo_ said to me a year after the accident that she's no longer afraid to die. Something about hearing that from a twenty one year old was so sad to me at first, but I got to understand what she meant. While we all pray against death, having family on the other side, makes this inevitable fate of everyone less scary. Before now, we all thought death wasn't for people like us. We figured these things don't happen to people that love and honor God. How wrong we were. Ele said to me once, she thought death happens to bad people not people like daddy.

I'll admit that being older didn't stop me from thinking the same way. While we were still coming to terms with the truth, death happens again as if to confirm our new belief. She was home on Mid-Term break and we had to fumigate the house so I decided it was a good opportunity for a _staycation_ as i couldn't afford the trip she's been asking for. I checked us into a little hotel for two nights and while at breakfast we get a call that _Uncle Tokumbo_ ( _Toks as we all called him_ ), our Dad's friend had woken up, had breakfast, sat in front of his _TV_ and passed away.

Shock was an understatement to describe how we felt, yet another God loving man we knew well had died. Although I swore not to attend any funerals for the foreseeable future I had to go. One, because of what he meant to our family but also because I was afraid my mind wouldn't accept it unless I was there when he was buried. My mind flashed back to the last time I saw him, he brought his children to our apartment in _Utako_ to check on us all the way from Lagos. I thought about one of his conversations with my mother on the dinning table of our family home, where he was describing how he wanted to die like a General. No illness, no pain he just wanted to sit and die in peace. I started to think about how I wanted to go and wondered if this is what God intended. I thought about time and what God really told us about dying. I flashed back to a conversation I had with him a few months after listening to Bellion's album.

One day, I came back from work, sat in my car for an hour and God asked if I was done playing detective. He asked if I truly believed he was in charge of our life and times. The months after the incident, I remember saying to anyone who asked that I was unlearning everything I had been told about God and was going to relearn him for myself. No parent, no Pastor, just me and his Word. Everyone was eternal in this process so that I'd never be disappointed again.

No doubt that experience prepared me better for the news of Uncle's passing. I have since come to accept His will and timing. He gives and takes life as he wills. I swore to focus my energy figuring out how to follow him step by step to build my own legacy so that when my time comes I would have fulfilled my destiny, affected enough lives to have good testimonies as they did, effected enough change that those I leave behind would be prouder and at peace with the situation. Convinced that the things the devil means to bring you ruin are all a part of His plan to lift you up and Finally to a place of Peace.

— In the middle of the storm, Selah
Orphan-Ville

To all Orphans big and small, _lol_ if you're new, welcome to the tribe. Parents are awesome but God is greater. He is ever-present and promises to be your father so basically ( _you can take that to the fuckin bank_.) _lol_ Whether by abandonment or by death his promise to us is the same.

He's more faithful than men and women and is Love itself. Relax, you've been upgraded. Just have a normal relationship as you would your earthly parent. Don't worry, The people who die go ahead they are not lost in the past. Walk on into the future with joy and excitement for the ones you now know have gone ahead of you. You will be together again.

This doesn't mean you don't miss them but every time you do, cry a little, smile a lot and always remember they are in front and not in your past.

— Heaven Makers Club
Along Came Mr Bellion

A Few weeks after the funeral i resumed my first job. I was in a _dream- like_ state. Walking and Talking but unconscious- _ly._ I was functional enough to respond but I knew I wasn't ok. I met a few people but I was in no condition to really take on the commitment to getting to know anyone.

On the inside, I was going through the biggest crisis of my faith. It was easy to see why being alone was all I had energy for. I went to work and I came home to my bed, this was life on repeat.

You're probably wondering why this section is called _Bellion_ , well, one of those days wasn't so routine. One night on a drive around the city, I heard a new song called " _Woke the fuck up_ ", as I would later find out, he was a brilliant American Artist from New York. His name was Jon _Bellion_. _bare with me, this is going somewhere... lol_

I had never heard of him before but something about the words he was singing struck such a chord in my heard. It was an unusual feeling which at this point, was a relief because I honestly don't remember feeling anything for months. I was quiet everywhere including my mind. I had no thoughts or opinions, no preferences, beliefs or standards. I was a living breathing empty shell. A functioning zombie. I ate, I slept, i opened my month and words came out and forgot them as soon as they were out. I drove myself places and couldn't remember where I parked when it was time to leave. My mind and body were on autopilot. When it got too much, i found a quiet place on the side of roads, or someplace that wasn't home and I cried and then I was back to numb.

In the middle of all this, There was just Something about this track I couldn't shake. It would end up on repeat for the rest of the night and then the week. This song was the trigger, a beginning for me to allow myself entertain the thought of God again.

Yes people, God used a Song with words like " _last night I Woke the *fuck up" lol_

Up until this point, my heart had been on " _strike_ " I felt let down and disappointed. My one point in the entire first months following the accident was that it doesn't matter who messed up that day, my family trusted in one God all our lives and we had been let down on the biggest stage possible.

During this time, I heard My brother Aaron ask a preacher one day if God wasn't embarrassed by the incident, I guess because for so many people to witness a man who served God so shamelessly and vigorously all of his life, who made a point at every turn to live his life by Godly standards, to end his journey the way our dad did would discourage anyone looking to model theirs after him. The preacher responded " _leave God's "embarrassment" for him to bear_." what a wise response Pastor.

Honestly, when you go through something like that so publicly, you kind of press pause on a lot of things, I hadn't thought about God for eight months, I was angry and i wanted to know what the _fuck!_ happened and who needed to burn at the proverbial stake for it. I wanted heads on plates And I was willing to hunt them myself. And then God happened.

Back to Jon Bellion, I went home and downloaded the whole album. In a short time both my sisters had downloaded it as well. You have to listen to these songs to understand what I mean, listening to Jon sing about Life and our human condition was mind changing. It wasn't even that the thoughts where brand new, I just hadn't heard anyone explain things from his perspective like that before. I mean this man has lyrics like;

Although I guess if I knew tomorrow I guess I wouldn't need faith

I guess if I never fell, I guess I wouldn't need grace

I guess if I knew His plans, I guess He wouldn't be God So maybe I don't know,

But maybe that's okay

Guys, you who talks like this? _lol_ Suffice it to say, I was completely taken by the words and message of the Album, I think it's possibly my favorite of all time.

Now Remember, I am a church girl, born and raised, through and through, my folks had always been Pastors everywhere since before I was born. I actually met these people serving God, Publicly and they did so all of their lives even on the day they died. Seeing as I hadn't even entertained the thought of Church ( _which I only now know isn't the only way to have a relationship with God, isn't even necessarily evidence of having one),_ He knew where to get through to me. I was in a _no-place_. Just doing on autopilot, not thinking things through. Not associations, not interactions, nothing I wasn't awake. I was empty, picked up every destructive habit that crossed my way. I was vulnerable and exposed, riddled with fear and confusion, not sure of anything, questioning everything and nothing of true importance. We were living in a shared compound for the first time in a long time, being robbed by people who I guess targeted our home. Word must have gotten out that we were living there because it was on another level how much was taken from us. I had no control over who came to the house or how long they were there for, had strangers in my kitchen, boxes of clothes stolen, money missing, car rampaged. The _fuckin_ sliding windows couldn't even lock, so at night, I would literally stay up because my sisters and I shared a room. I once watched as someone slid the window and puts his hand in slowly, feeling through items on my table, the whole thing played in slow motion for me as I wondered if he'd bleed to death if I got the knife on the table a slit his wrist, like these where _un- fuckin_ believable times in my life. _The thing of horror stories_. I had picked up smoking, weed and cigarettes.

Guys, when I tell you I was NOT _finna_ listen to any entity preach to me at that point, I told anyone who asked, I was currently unlearning _shit_ because somebody _fuckin_ lied and I needed to find the Truth and nothing but! and this time for myself and by my lone self. ( _point blank and the period._

So you understand my excitement when in the midst of all that _fuckry_ , God sends me his _Mr Bellion_ through the Radio. On that random, seemingly ordinary day, He sent me Jon. Now I know it would sound crazy to someone reading this, but I can only keep it one hundred and tell you what the words of this Album triggered in my heart.

I've always believed Words have super powers. ( _it's prolly why I find eloquent Men and intelligent rappers so sexy lol_ ) That's also why Songs are more than a good beat and a catchy hook to me. It's why the ones with the simplest messages are the most universally meaningful, because the lyrics resonate and move people. This is how classics are made, those ones that last for Generations.

Throughout the funeral, I believe God used a handful of songs to help me I had them playing on repeat. My Family was like that, when we like a Song or Album we listen until we kill it, you don't want to know how many times my father listened to some Worship Albums of Don Moen and Ron Kenoley. _It's so much that till this day after one song ends I know the next song on each album and all the words by heart_ , like that much _lol_ so when I say I listened on repeat, _I mean I listened on repeat_. When I didn't have these songs actually playing, I was playing them in my mind. Like soundtracks behind every crazy unbelievable conversation, event, activity going on at all times. Everything was happening on an overlay of those songs.

Maybe I wouldn't have remained sane without it, they were a welcomed distraction from the thoughts I was having. Especially on the day we had to make that long painful finally journey, taking their bodies home to be buried. Right from the National Hospital until we entered our Compound in _Abocho_ that day, these song played loudly on a loop. Interrupted only by me turning to look at my Mother's Casket to make sure she was okay. The Songs were;

1. Travis Greene – Its Intentional

2. FAYE – Let your power Fall

3. Olamide – Say something

4. Olamide – Mama mi

5. Olamide – Who You Epp

6. Travis Green – Made a way

These songs where chosen deliberately ( _I only know now, by God_ ). Music controls emotions and creates an atmosphere. Travis green because I needed to remind me of something I'd heard all my life about God's character, FIYA because I had to hear that God was powerful, Olumide because his songs have always made me happy, _there just something about them._ I think this happy felling fro his songs is the same for a lot of people.

I've only attended one live Music Concert my whole life, It was organized in Lagos by Guinness, a few weekends before the accident. I remember Olumide's performance the most, He didn't do anything special but I'll never forget the crowd's reaction to him. I've only seen people go _apeshit_ on _TV_ but never in person and never in Nigeria. Seeing the effect his music had on people transcended tribe, class and any other classifications I can think of. First, I was shocked and then I got excited, i thought I was the only one who felt it, apparently, I had found my people. _lol_

I Never knew in a few weeks I would need three of his songs just to put one leg in front of the other. I was doing things like standing and walking purely on reflex. Nothing was conscious. I shouldn't have been driving but I had to. Being on autopilot is the only way I can describe it.

For the whole first year, I think I had the memories of my three family members trapped in three Olumide song. "Say Something – daddy, "Mama mi" – mum and "Who you epp" – Joshua (this one because it was the latest one at the time of his death and although he and we hadn't talked about it I knew he loved it and had listened to it)

Joshua was my supplier of songs, a lot of our conversations were music related. He loved and thoroughly enjoyed good music. I was constantly pouching his playlist. He had an ear for it and heard things most people didn't. A born musical, he was the family pianist. I miss this part of our relationship a lot.

After those first two weeks I stopped listening to music of any kind. My mind was empty. I spent day and night playing the various accounts of March 6th in my mind on a loop like a detective. I was determined to get to the bottom of things. My lists had lists, a Plan was forming, I was stuck in that loop. I wasn't sleeping. I ate everything mostly mindlessly so I got even fatter. I didn't care about my appearance, a far departure from Ojone's normal self, it didn't even bother me, being attractive was the last thing on my mind. I couldn't listen to any gospel related thing. I constantly turned off any I heard on the radio. I tried going to church in the beginning but throughout, all my mind could see only was what was missing and what was annoyingly the same, almost every word I heard contradicted my recent experience and I'm very conscious of things I say to God. I didn't believe the words of any praise or worship songs and I wasn't about to start lying to Him. So I stopped going.

God needed to break this cycle, he sent a New York Music Genius through songs he knew I wouldn't suspect had the words I needed to hear through a medium he knew I wouldn't think to suspect. To give perspective, My Father could drive from Abuja to and from the Village listening to the same 12 songs on a loop, this was normal for us. _lol_ So I listened to this album until I knew the sequence and every word of every song. This was the beginning of a new beginning.

I want to use this opportunity to charge African songwriters to consider each song as a chance to inspire and mold a generation, a chance to build a legacy that'll outlive you. I'm not personally a fan of Fella's, he was dead before I knew his music and the kind of global impact his art came to mean, cutting across gender, class, nationality or skin color but I respect that. This doesn't mean Club Anthems aren't needed, a lot happens in life that these songs help us to forget for three minutes but I think You can do both. Art has power, music is a language that transcends Religion and Race. I know few things that have this ability.

Consider your Art a Platform, A Pulpit, _if you may_. To trigger lasting change in the minds of people. Address Global Issues, cause social reforms, probe the leaders in charge of managing your world, you already have the beat on lock, combine that with valuable lessons and watch the fame, money and influence you want follow. Wouldn't you agree we have enough songs about sex, fun, money and women's body parts?

It's something to consider. Song writing is an Art, Fela went to school in London to study this, you don't have to go to school for that today, the internet can be your greatest resource. Invest in learning this skill. It'll pay off in the end.

While Jon may never know what his songs did for me, I'm glad he allowed himself be inspired to follow his calling and create his Art. The Lesson is that you never know what changes your Projects will affect in people's lives, So whatever you are called to do, take the risk and do it with all your heart to the best of your ability.

— The Album is called "The Human Condition"
A Family Affair

Crazy as it sounds that drive from the National Hospital in Abuja to the Village wasn't long enough because I knew that once we arrived we'll actually have to bury them. At the time, my mind couldn't take it. We woke up early to go to the hospital to pick them up I was too afraid to go watch them get ready so I didn't. Thank God for the people who did.

I had no thoughts on clothes, no thought of beauty, The day had come and there was nothing changing it. Got my siblings, got to the cars and got there. Crowd gathered to watch, many faces I recognized and even more strangers. No time to chit-chat we had to bring them out. A different group discussing different family related topics every couple of feet. It was there on the way into the mortuary I heard that the entourage was being held and treated on the hospital premises. I had such little information and there was probably no need for it. The task ahead was more important.

What became of that enquiry is a story for God to fill us all in when we get up. No time to respond to all the _chatter_ around and some even made you smile. You keep pushing through clouds of people and suddenly there was an empty space in the middle. Looked round and no one looked like they had showered, those that came camera ready stuck out. Walked up those stairs and into a lobby and there they were. Dressed and ready in two dark brown and a light brown Coffin. Light brown was Joshua. I had made it clear the day before I was going with my Mother. It was the last and only gift I could give her. I had spent my time with her life focused on others. That day, for those few hours, it was going to be me and her. One last road trip. I was wearing her clothes all week. Some last ditch effort to keep connected maybe, I didn't even think, it felt right So I was doing it. Aaron went with daddy's ambulance, I think my dad's siblings went with Joshua in three separate Federal Road Safety Corp busses. It was just this crazy day of feeling like you needed more than on body to honor everyone. Ironic though right,? Using the words road and safety in this chapter? _Smh_.

I had been to the Morgue and seen them a few days before this, and two things where clear to me immediately. One, that shouldn't I have gone with anyone but family and two that death is dehumanizing. Nobody looks like themselves. A relative made a hatful statement after just returning from seeing them that night that only a demon would have the guts to say out loud to another human being. I smiled and ignored, the pain was already numbing.

I did NOT like the state they where in, to say the least especially my Father. He deserved better. God bless everyone who had a hand in presenting him like that. May God give you as you gave him when your appointment time arrives. And while I'm on this, to the other ones who just wanted tea for gossip and weren't really there that day to pay any form of respect to them, your reward is closer than you think. Let's face it there's no respect in a mortuary.

I probably remember that long journey the most, I don't even know how many cars followed us that day. We drove across state lines on a single row. Every time I looked in the rare view mirror to take a break from my thoughts, there they were. I couldn't see the end of it. One thing was reinforced every time I looked up, it Wasn't a dream or a drill. I Texted with my brother for most part of the trip, Mostly on stupid _shit_ to distract myself from the reality of what was happening in what felt like slow motion. I imagine it was for him as well.

When I got home to Abuja from Lagos the day after the accident, there was a road block at the beginning of our street, " _we have the children_ " I heard someone in our car say to security, referring to my sister and I. minutes seemed to become seconds, Condolence Books with their Pictures where spread out on a table at the Entrance of our Home, there was no space to even get into the house. Finally i got in through the kitchen. The first people I saw seated meant that it must be true because these people would never be here if it wasn't.

Everyday was a blur. All that mattered was putting one foot in front of the other. What's the next activity? have they eaten? Where is she sleeping? Please don't show her Photos from the accident, where is Aaron? All things I said multiple times for the next two weeks.

At the end of the day, our Family is grateful to God and the people he used to do His _Will_.
Better

Definitions are important for context and so My understanding of better is that it's in comparison to something. While comparing can be a very revealing endeavor when trying to know one's strengths and weaknesses it can also be the quickest way to a life plagued with insecurity and self doubt which becomes A prison in your mind that doesn't go away just because your body got bigger, age had nothing to do with it there are grandparents that are insecure.

Look, I hear you, in this part of the planet we live, comparison seems to be the favorite past time activity, well that and sex but that's another chapter _lol_. Point is, if you don't for yourself people will for you.

It's in our homes, schools, churches, markets, gyms, offices, professional and spiritual groups and sadly it carries on in the minds long after you leave these gatherings. So now you're doing it to yourself, it constantly fuels your thoughts, prayers and ultimately your actions.

Who's car is newer in church, whose kids are better dressed, who's house is bigger and cleaner, who's husband makes more money, who's wife is more put together, who's getting more work trips? who's been asked to lead the most projects? Who's been asked to lead " _offering time_ " the most? _lol_ , Who does it better? Who's kids are in better schools? Who dresses better? Who writes Reports better? Who's boyfriend buys more gifts? Which couple is more #goals? Who's family travels more often? Who has more designer labeled clothes in her closet? Who wears the most expensive watch? Who's engagement ring is bigger? Oh and my favorite who's better? Beyoncé or Alicia keys/Kelly or Nikki Minaj vs Cardi B. _Lol_

This last ones are especially irritating because a) it ever only compares women and b) what do you mean? Have you seen these women? They are as different as different gets. So it's ok for men to come in a wide variety of talents and good looking deliciousness on a ridiculously wide spectrum of _Drake_ to _Joel Olsteen_ or _Bradley Cooper_ to _Kanye_ and Women somehow have to fight and compete for one spot?

In the year Two Thousand and Nineteen? I think we can all agree that the same concept that makes it ok for Drake, Kendrick, JCole, Tip, Lil Wayne, Yey and Hov to all be simultaneously be " _King of Rap"_ and _"The Best Rapper Alive_ " and we all agree to disagree, That _sammmme shity Mathematics_ can be applied when it comes to Women. _lol_

I think it's weird how a lot of comparison is actually external at first. He compares your boobs to hers then she compares your life stage to hers, then she makes a statement that didn't seem comparative until you got in your bed at night, then _suddenly_ you're doing it to yourself. You start thinking in terms of _(er)._ Taller, lighter, thinner, faster, darker, whiter, cleaner, kinder, richer, stronger, quicker bigger....

That's a dangerous Prison to be trapped in. While some of it is self inflicted now you've had help getting it on auto drive.

What's the way out? Erase all the _"players/opponents"_ and place mirrors where they were standing. Your biggest competition will always be with yourself. Why? Because the game is set that way. That's why classmates are temporary arrangements and so are grades. The day after you graduated the rankings reverted back to the ones you were born with me vs me.

If it sounds narcissistic to you it's because you're afraid of competing against yourself. It can be the scariest thought especially if you _killed it_ in the school environment and life gets out of recess and you realized that _bubble system_ called school worked for you but now you've got to cut it in a world that's bigger and that positions in a small pool of 25 randomly selected people in your age bracket was a temporary fairytale.

All of a sudden the definition of a mate Isn't so clear cut. If you live in Nigeria, I imagine your first taste of this fact was in _NYSC_ camp. Your definition of " _The World_ " or _"My Country_ " are irrevocably changed from that very first night.

Months after Camp, I realized there's an even broader definition of those two places and again another irrevocable redefinition change. Honestly this definition will keep changing with each Country you visit, each job you get, each flight you're on, each person's carefully curated digital world you view and follow, each area you move to, each entry and exit from your life keeps redefining what the _World_ is.

So you see my friend, you vs you as scary as it seems is your only true chance at winning this life game. Here, you find and set the goal, you pick the positions and carefully curate the cheerleaders. You hire and fire coaches but always give the Manger position to your God. Some Parents and some family members get automatic ( _and if your lucky_ ) lifetime passes to the line posts. As for the audience, its hard to control that _shit_.

However, always and frequently scout out the snipers among them. _A little tip_ , they'll be the ones with the high grade binoculars often showing no emotion for wins or misses. When you spot them, pause the game and take them the _fuck_ out. What that looks like would depend on what level of a threat you've accessed them to be. Actions can range anything from a revoked audience pass to a bullet between the eyes. ( _Metaphorically speaking_ ).

Once that's over take your whistle out and carry on with your game and remember to show as little emotion as they did.

In this game, aim for the best, best by God's definition. Remember that you're playing multiple positions and constantly moving. ( _Don't forget to switch up your outfits once in a while. lol_ ). Make no announcements and be creative. Bear in mind, that the crowd includes people God placed in your purview to influence in a positive way. Also, how much you take care of the entire Ecosystem of your game determines what your Children will have to build and improve on.

So don't live for yourself YOLO is only half true. Life is longer than you think. Your children are the second act, grandkids the third etc...Even if you retire at 60, guess what, 40 years is a long time.

Always play the long ball, you're never too young to be thinking of a legacy. Jesus only lived 33 years. _Think about that._

For the best results, outsourcing to the Designer or in this case Club Owner the decision of location, pitch choice, who your _side-kick_ is ( _marriage)_ such executive decisions should NEVER be done outside of God. Also seek Management input for selecting a cheer squad, occasional coaching choices and a club finance. _lol_ This in my humble opinion, is the winning blueprint on which to base your Life Game.

If all these sports talk has confused you, I'm not sorry. Go watch any football game and it should come to you. We all play multiple positions because we are all more than one thing. At any point in time you fill at least a handful of positions, Professional, husband, daughter, mentor, uncle, therapist, student, employee, citizen, and neighbor the list is endless. You play against yourself because there's you from yesterday and you today who's not to be confused with You tomorrow. If you're doing it right, you get _upgrades_ with each day. No matter how idle your mind is, focusing on being a better you each day should be enough to preoccupy a person serious about winning at life.

Thanks to Mr Zuckerberg we all get to have a peek at the happenings across a spectrum of game _pitches,_ just don't go pick up a permanent bench space and buy binoculars while you're in there. Go, see and go home otherwise you stand the risk of being taken out too.

I think it Goes without saying that if you're currently living in the bleachers, standing on the side lines or spending your time working in an operational capacity of anyone's game, you are not on your field so you're are not yet living. That kind of idleness will inadvertently keep you trapped in the comparison prison cos all you've got is a whole bunch of free time and a bird's eye view of everyone else's pitches. That's enough information to drive anybody mad. ( _Using the term loosely_ ), anyway you get the point.

My inside advice? Ask the manager for your own pitch and get activated, bearing in mind that the ultimate goal is to be the best you and that only He can show you. After all, we come from, are sustained by and return to Him.
A Parent's Job

First of all, I'm not a parent yet, least not in the typical sense of the word, but I also don't have to be a fish to recognize good swimming when I see it.

So, First of, babies are miracles that can only be compared to light. Coming into a dark space and switch on the light or watching natural light fill a dark room, that to me is the effect babies have. This idea that a man pours swimming tadpole looking things into a woman and millions die, left for the fastest _Little fella_ that reaches the womb first so it gets to stay there for give or take 9 months, completely reforming its carrier's body ( _and face lol_ ) and then pops out and all of a sudden you have an extension of your being living separate in the _temporarily_ tiny body, completely helpless and dependent on you for another 18-30 years ( _depending On what continent you live on lol)_ is so incredible that it is utterly and completely God.

While on the subject of science, I'm going to take a quick second to address the big bang theory, _clears throat._

This notion that science exists outside of God is moronic. There, I said it, because I'm sorry, two rocks collided? And even worse, evolving Apes? _Freakin_ Apes? Do you feel like apes? Were these people drunk and or high when they came up with this _crap_? No wonder they've still remained a theories all these years though so maybe there's no need to stay offended, just had to say even once.

A thousand year old _fake news_ is still _fake news_ , sorry. It was foolish then and its foolish now. This collective acceptance and blind subscription to stupidity is something we super humans are all going to at some point hold hands, and just as collectively choose to reject and instead accept God's version of how we got here. K? Moving on.

Oh and Jesus came without an earth father so just going to leave this one right here. _Now really moving on_. _lol_

Parenting to me, is a calling. An assignment, a ministry if you will, which Other than marriage, is the single most important calling on any life. You're not a parent because you have children. There are many children bearers who haven't parented a day in their lives. While we're on it, paying for stuff is also not parenting. That's called being a decent human being and Handling your responsibility cos you brought them here.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's probably pinching you so much cos you know its true. Not even playing a blame game here you've probably never been parented either. I believe you can't give what you don't have. You can't have what you don't get or figure out how to get. You're not a parent because you have a baby, you're a parent because you feel the overwhelming conviction of your call to partner with God to find what _His_ purpose for sending that particular spirit to our world is and letting him help your nourish and create the best environment for that spirit to flourish and deliver its purpose for all our sakes.

Part of it is asking to know it's purpose and being grateful to have been assigned the responsibility for and carefully curate a supporting atmosphere for its best outcome. It's a daily collaborative effort in making decisions for each child.

Justifying ill gotten wealth by claiming to want to provide a better life for your children is ridiculous. If you've done it right, that light came from him so it's his job to maintain it. If you'd just stop trying to take ownership and allow the owner to help you, you'd be surprised what His definition of better is. It's not better cos it costs more, it's better because it's where he designed for it to be.

To all Step-Parents who've ever mistreated a child, your reward is waiting for you. That is such a short sighted play for two reasons, 1, who's to says you'd be here tomorrow to raise your own? If you weren't ( _which is a real possibility_ ) how would you like someone to treat your kids?, because if you should know anything about God, it's probably that he doesn't _fuck around_ when it comes to children. He knows how helpless and vulnerable they are and for you to instead of seeing it as an opportunity to protect, use your position and selfish ambition as grounds for oppressing a child., You are already getting what's coming to you.

What a different world we'd be living in if every child that ever came was wanted. To all those who don't want to be parents, don't have children. As the world comes to a place of legalization of the murder of children, it's simple really, kill your ability to have them so you won't have to kill them. In cases of rape, that light is the second victim. Have the same sympathy and protect it too.

In simpler brighter times, it was true that it took a village to raise a child, now the village is eating the children. Your only chance is to Start talking to them from infancy, real talk only until the day you die. No holds barred, nonjudgmental, matter of fact, brutally honest, no _fucks_ given, transparent enough to be relatable, equally open to correction and apologies type of communication. In words, letters, texts, visual texts, DMs, every _freakin_ available platform of communication. In my opinion, until a certain age kid, ALL your other conversations are open to me. Yes. You'll have privacy when you get married and or when one of us dies. _Lol_. Until then, we share things openly.

Our standards for parenting shouldn't be each other, social media or Celebrities ( _bless their hearts)_ you are raising a unique individual. His or her _Manual_ is above, you can only get it in prayer. God sets the standard of each of his children, including the ones currently assigned to your household. He uses all that he is to try to reach us. Never throws in the towel, uses everything as a teaching moment, Is constantly in our ears and we always have He's attention, most importantly he forgives in advance and always with a hug.

Just for fun, I want share what my childhood routine was like.

Enforced by my mother and her gang of helpers and a Nannies.

My Daily Childhood Routine

\- 6am wake up

\- Have family devotion

\- Get ready

\- Have breakfast

\- Go to school

\- Get back

\- Change clothes

\- Shower

\- Eat lunch

\- Sleep

\- Have lessons

\- Do your homework

\- _Watch Tv for two hours_

\- Have dinner

\- Play

\- Gist with family

\- Night devotion

_\- Sleep_ _._

Something about having a routine made me so rebellious toward routines all my life though but it works. It's one thing to have a schedule on the weekdays as a child but to keep this routine for six out of seven days for seven years, felt a little like being _caged. lol_

I thought secondary school would give me the freedom I wanted but getting into Trinity College wasn't the freedom I imagined then came Faith Academy and the routine continued at Covenant _. lol_ One thing though, they made me effective and I'm grateful for that.
Enough, It's just Sex.

First of, lets get it straight, Sex is God's idea. Don't be deceived kids, it is _fuckn_ amazing. _lol_. Listen if it's good, it is God is my thought on all things. I bet He just wanted to gift us an awesome free activity. Sex is Like every other good thing, temporarily hijacked by the devil and perverted into something dirty and shameful. Do you really believe that something that great is inspired by or should be maintained by evil? Let's face it sex is too _damn_ great an invention to be anywhere close to the devil's idea. He's just not that creative.

Lets stop this craze about this thing. _Fuck_ a boy _Fuck_ a girl, _Fuck_ a toy, its all just sex. That's why there's many whores with miserable lives and depressed people with " _awesome_ " sex lives. How long will it take for people to get this _shit_ and stop misleading young people to slaughter literally ( _I wish that was a metaphor_ )

Yes! it is fantastic, but the maker of the _shit_ says to Wait!! _Lol_. Would you argue with the Manufacturer of Medicine? Or the washing Instruction of your clothes? or ignore the Manual of your new Gadget? Why? because you trust that the maker is the authority on the best way to get the most out of that product, or Service.

God is the Manufacturer of this thing. We all try to ignore his instruction and somehow expect these relationships would work. Sadly over 50% of

Marriages end up in divorces, its not dependent on age, or religion or even sexual _orientation,_ marriages across all social sects are failing. I bring this up because I bet you in many cases the problems that leads to the end didn't start in marriage, it started before. Statistics say after money, sex if the second highest cause of these ends.

Pop Quiz

1 Who created sex? Ans. God.

2 Who's would you rather have teach you sex? Ans. Also God.

I've accepted that the Manufacturer of a Product is the best to tell you how to use it. We have this idea that God is squeamish or something when it comes to sex, _lol_ ever stop to consider that He made that _shit_? And he sees you every single time you do it? _lol_ I do know what we've been told but somebody lied. I heard that even the most brilliant human currently uses a fraction of a fraction of the brain, try to imagine what's left to be discovered, the untapped abilities.

Just imagine what we haven't discovered about sex, if I were him I'd hide that _shit_ too, the little you know y'all already running insane. _lol_ Listen to the Guy who made it and maybe marriages and relationships would start actually winning because at this rate, we've all got to stop and accept that something is wrong.

What was God's marching orders to that duo in Eden? _Be fruitful and multiply_. As intentional and precise as He is, you already know it wasn't a coincidence he created their Unit exactly as he did. I've _joked_ that God didn't make an Adam Eve and Evette or Adam, Tim and Eve for a reason. He knows exactly what he created. _Lol_ Anything outside of this structure is a perversion, so it won't work.

When we go and do things he asks us not to do our own way it's the perfect recipe for ruining things to the ground. Just guess _the only person_ who benefits from you _fuckin_ up your free gifts.

Religion has made sure that as a society, sex is first associated with sin as opposed to the gift that it is. This disposition is solidify and engrained from generation to generation which is sad and unfortunate. The "Entertainment" industry further perpetrates this by only imagining wrong scenarios as if sex with your husband or wife couldn't be hot and sizzling.

Research now proves the opposite, Married People actually be having the best sex in spite of the _crap_ you've been bombarded with by any media available. Also contrary to popular belief, It is NOT impossible to not be sexual active. It an excuse to be lazy and promote indiscipline.

Yet another truth we need to speak is that Nobody sucks at sex. _Fuckn_ animals be doing this _shit_ for Christ's sake. You are not uncool for not wanting to have sex. It is honorable in the only eyes that matter that you refrain from it.

It is funny and stupid that such a visually sexual global society still prohibits the " _course_ " words on air. How _fuckin_ hypocritical. It's almost laughable that its okay to show but not say. You shove sex in my face and then say don't talk about it. Its not _dignified_ to talk about what everyone be doing are you _fuckin_ retarded? Who makes these rules? you are either schizophrenic on demon possessed.

Enough of this morbidly confusing _bullshit_. These poor kid are growing up in world were they are seeing all these things _EVERYWHERE_ , but they cant " _curse_ ". World be acting like it's got multiple personality disorder to continently forget that sex is " _horrible"_ once its time to sell a pack of gum, or t-shirts or _fuckin_ beer. Really. Make up your mind.

You cannot keep ignoring young alter boys being _fucked_ by sad old saggy horny Men who have " _exclusive_ " rights to talking to god and "forgiving" sins while at the same time keep charging people for just saying the words that's _bullshit_. Maybe if there wasn't such "secrecy" about there's things people would actually be learning things from the right sources instead of going out and getting hurt over and over. Barn the pictures, the movies, along with pop up internet ads and actual ads while you're at it, if you're so concerned about being " _moral_ " and stop giving children headaches. Enough of this mass confused _ass_ rules and standards.

I bet most people won't mention three sins on a list before naming one sexual one. I get it, Ten Commandments and all. However, there's a hypocritical air around sex and sexuality when in reality apparently almost everybody be _Fuckin and lying about it._ Everybody's wearing white are we really all this in denial or just plain crazy? _I until recently_ saw the world in such rosy colors where preachers and church folk were all morally pre set to do the right things sexually, you know, as was being discussed on the pulpit and in conversations, imagine my surprise when It turned out that that wasn't the case _at all_. So many discrepancies between what was said and what was done. It's no wonder people are turned off from the Church because all that's obvious is blatant hypocrisy. That's why fixing your eyes on God is your best chance at running and finishing a good race.

I'm not perfect, but I like to look like what I believe. Apparently what you believe and what you say you believe are different things to most people. That's the worst type of lying because it leaves a whole generation lost and confused because of a two faced culture imputed in them from ridiculously young ages.

What you don't notice is sugar _daddies and mummies_ are getting younger and younger so are the _sugar kids. lol_ After a few years of that happening what you have a _shit_ load of people _fuckin_ and lying about _fucking_. In the end, Who wins? You guessed it. Only one.

We simply cannot continue to compartmentalize right standards. It's infuriating what little chance young people have these days in choosing when to be introduced to sex. Sex untamed is like fire that's why God gave it the context of Marriage to tame it. How can you claim to know "better" when you don't even know what's happening to you within the next hour.

So kids, girls and boys, sex is sex is sex. It's glamorized to lure you in. Putting your protruding part into other's intruding parts does not a cool dude make. Does not an ounce of Joy produce either. It actually has the opposite effect. Any honest person with half a brain will tell you.

Here's an analogy for you, If life and marriage is all of us on a proverbial _field_ waiting to be paired up for a team sport, guess the guy every girl wants. The one who's looking down, completely checked out, slicing an Apple with a Pocket Knife, only glancing up briefly to peek the pool but saying nothing, acting all uninterested and then all of a sudden walks intentional to the one he's now studied, grabs her hand and walks of the _fucking_ field. _Lol_. Not the one with a swam of girls around him. _At least to me that's way sexier_. You know, exclusive shit. Not a town-hall stick and or cookie. If there people lustfully flocking around you, sir, maim, that all on you. You are allowing and feeding that to boost your selfish ego. When you get married, you'd have had no practice in the discipline it takes to " _flee from the appearances of evil" that is YOUR job. Sin doesn't just happen overnight._ God is so wise, He gave that job of searching to Men for a reason. He made you _dummy_ , he should know these things _lol_ "....He who Find _eth_..." I believe is what he said.

Unfortunately, Something happens in the mind of a people when you say they can't do something. All of a sudden there's an overwhelming drive to do it. That's the nature of laws, they evoke rather than deter wrongdoing in most cases. Either it becomes _exclusive_ or everyone starts doing it in secret while condemning it publicly.

Side note I think every country where weed is now legal needs to apologize to everyone ever locked up pre legalization of marijuana for marijuana related crimes. A Public apology plus compensation because this is crazy. Moving on.

Take the touchy subject of sexuality for example, I'm sure statistically there's been a rise of same sex activity globally since the legalization and criminalization across the world Both have the same effect. Interest.

A conversation about right or wrong is different because it calls up the question of standards. By who's standard is your Home, Neighborhood, Organization, Country, world being measured? These Things are either wrong or right, legal has nothing to do with it.

Ultimately I think we put way too much emphasis on agreeing lately. We don't have to agree to get along and be at peace. We don't have to agree for me to love you. Godly love isn't based on perfection or same _ness,_ it's beautifully based on diversity. We need to learn to love people who don't look, sound, think, behave or even worship like us. I guess using vague phrases like we are " _one_ " without putting context makes it hard for some people to truly love. For all the imaginary stories told of our entire race coming together to fight a common enemies from space, I wonder if it'll really take that magnitude of an threat for us to finally start to agree on our _oneness_.

Now I grew up knowing my parents were close, they spent Countless nights watching movies, talking and giggling, laughing about _God knows what!_ Sometimes until 2am then dad starts to complain that he's late to leave the house in the morning _lol_ and _hate_ to put Mama Blessing's _binness_ out like this ( _sorry mama lol_ ) but I had the singular job of being their bedroom and bathroom cleaner _aaannnnd_ so let me tell you, _heehee_ the sheer volume of Condoms and Contraceptive wraps I have cleaned out in my day? _child_?

The Point is Girl, no need to rush, like she told me and I've now told my sisters, and will tell my daughter, you shall _fuck_ until thy legs bend. _lol Relaxxxx_ its coming. This period is to teach you discipline and honestly just saves you a truckload of _shit_. Same for you _lil_ man. Tuck it in, _wank_ if you must and keep your eyes wide open for your queen. Good news, she's most likely already born _lol_. So wake up with your weird awesome self, salute all the _sluts_ and watch out for her. She could literally be anywhere. You'll know when you see her.

Same to you girl, he's not in heaven, he's on earth already, you shouldn't want anyone else but him. If you ask, the God, Author of everything will lead y'all to each other. Have faith, be patient stay faithful doing what he's called and made you for, where he's assigned you and it will happen.

Also have fun while you're at it. Fun is fun, doesn't have to be sin. News flash people, you can have fun without doing dodgy things. Ask every shady doing person you know, they are miserable as _fuck_ and faking it. Fun is up to you. You get to define it based on your standards. No one can dictate what that is for you. For Example some people swear by clubbing? but It's not for me. I have been to several, it's always the same. I've ended up with a headache in the middle of what looks like someone's dimly lit, Smokey, over crowded living room feeling ridiculous. If you've never been, maybe try and then make up your own mind, but if you're feeling intimidated on any level because you haven't, roll your eyes and watch a _YouTube_ clip of clubs. _lol_

Again, a club is a club is a club. _lol_ In fact I bet with a good stereo and a couple of lights you can probably create a club experience in your mother's living room, _just don't tell her I told you to_. _lol_ just a " _scientific_ " experiment. Look, If you don't know what you enjoy yet, it's totally normal, don't be afraid or feel like an outcast. There are people just going along with someone else's definition of fun and never really stopping to think for themselves. Relax, these things take time and you have your whole life to figure it out and give yourself permission to change your mind on them.

Make a list of activities that exist in your city or town and go try them all. Got to hand it to my brother Joshua though, he was as bold and fearless as they come. He researched and went out and tried stuff with or without money, _(who needs cash when you have his Mammoth level of charisma and a dashing smile) lol_. We should all be like Joshua.

Also, don't be afraid to go alone. Make it a personal adventure and you'll be more open to meeting new people when you're not always with an entourage. _Just A tip_.

That said, don't go be doing stupid _shit_ saying I told you to. Let's put it this way you know the difference between stupid reckless and curios adventure. Not sure what's what? Stop and make a very specific straight to the point prayer then apply the _WWJD_ formula. Doing what he would do changes everything.

— You'll see.

WWJD is an Acronym that stands for What would Jesus do?
Bubble Burster

Kids, Skip this Chapter if you'd like to remain in _Lala land_

So growing up I was probably as removed from " _reality_ " as humanly possible, really for a number of reasons. My family was different. Other children and teachers didn't understand me so I kept to myself a lot. Within minutes it would be obvious I was different and along with that recognition came a change towards me. I'd spend my breaks doing the one thing I could do alone. Swinging. I spent a lot of time with both my Parents, they were both my best friends. My father was brilliant and talked very practically and logically. He spoke with me like he would an adult and asked my opinions on things which made me think about things in a way most children my age probably weren't encouraged to. He always approach things rationally and was incredibly hard working. I spent my Saturdays on his Office floor studying or doing my own thing while he worked on cases and prepared for Court appearances and while he was away for work, my mum and I hangout and just yap on about anything _lol_. A natural dreamer with great imagination, her love for exploring the world and curiosity to know more about things was infectious. I could always discuss anything with them both, neither of them really treating me like a child.

I guess all this made me quite mature at least than most children around me. I could read and write sooner than, most was always in debates with adults, _mostly unsuspecting visitors to our home_ , talking people's ears of on any subject I was allowed to be a part of at any time. My books and my Mother's _forbidden_ library was my happy place. My favorite childhood memory is laying on the ground in my Mother's tiny Corn Farm in our compound facing the sun for hours. I didn't socialize much, my house was always so crowded I'm not even sure I needed to go out much.

Now, before you judge, of course I didn't know this as a child but as I grew, more specifically the year my family relocated to Lagos, reality as I knew it shifted dramatically, seriously like soundtrack playing as we drove on the Third Mainland Bridge into the City for the first time kind of dramatic. _lol (lighthouse Family's High)_

Until To this point, I was the small town star kid. _Sorry siblings but it's true. lol_ But it wasn't just at home it was in school, at church, around the neighborhood always quiet until I wasn't, always shy until I wasn't, always reserved until I wasn't. It was like I had two sides and what you got depended on what you evoked out of me, basically what you deserved.

If you were kind, so was I, if you were courteous so was I, if you respected yourself, me and mine, guess what, so was I, but if for some reason you allowed yourself to be possessed by _God knows what_ and treated me or mine in any way I hadn't deserved or brought on myself somehow, prepare to be taken down, it didn't matter if it was just me and you or there was an audience, i was just as prepared to destroy you no matter what.

This I'm sure earned me a reputation, I was mostly by myself and comfortably so never went out of my way to make friends, my mind was preoccupied regardless, silent treatments never worked on me, always found it kiddish and a waste of time. Often responding by a quick pause and reaching for my book and I was off, in another world anywhere but there and loving it, if it bothered you, I didn't notice. I didn't even need apologies so I didn't give them, by the end of a few chapters, chances were I had forgotten you and the issue and was ready to keep it peachy with a smile of you were.

When I was younger and still in the small town, In church I lead praise and worship and preach on the children's week activities. I took some Sunday school classes and often asked out of the box questions. At home I hopped around and sang along to worship tapes ( _our favorite family past time_ ), I was class captain and best academic student in those years. I was known not just for my performance but my father's as well and it didn't seem to bother me at all. If I was bullied, I was too confident to notice.

I never had _cliques,_ mostly because they expected me to dictate our every move and that seemed really bizarre to me. I marched to my own beat and I thought everyone wanted to. If I stepped outside of my world it was to defend someone I felt was helpless, that was the quickest way to anger me, picking on someone who couldn't defend themselves and I would come at you with everything I had and only stop to think after. I was on the debate team as encouraged by my dad, he was as much a lawyer at home as he was at work. _lol_ We debated things regularly and it was fun to dialogue and disagree, I used ever literary skill I learned in films and books at school which made me a great communicator, in writing and speech, and then, Lagos happened.

Lagos was different. I had never been unsure of myself before, maybe it was coming into adolescence or just the culture shock but things were different and I was more aware of it. Suddenly money was an issue enough to be discussed. I spent the whole first term out of school with my brothers because dad couldn't afford the fees to put all three of us in and he wasn't going to decide so non of us went. We were home from school when kids where not, my father started out needing to rent a place for the first time in years, in a shared compound ( _something I wasn't used to_ ) I had to interact with other people's kids in a home setting. Everything was more expensive, getting us into school with the supplies needed for everyone while basically restarting his business was tough in the first few months. Even food wasn't like it used to be at our house. For the first time I knew money had something to do with how we lived and I didn't like it.

I was almost a teenager and was become more self conscious. My dentition was so spaced, I needed braces, that combined with the money situation at home ( _which picked up pretty quickly after_ ) but still that I had to experience that was difficult for me. After starting school, we spent two terms at our first school in Lagos, Citizens Primary and Secondary school in Ikorodu before that I remember feeling like all of a sudden my confidence was gone what replaced it was a sense of being less than or inferior.

Daddy's Chambers picked up and I got braces and settled in school, made a friend or two but getting the braces kept me out of school too much. I even don't even reminder that entire school year. I have very vague memories of being there, that's how absent I was from school, I spent a lot of time on the roads getting to and from my dentist's office with my mom. Nothing really distinct happened all year except that I won the Egg Race for my house during the inter house sports competition. _lol_ I didn't fail but I didn't get my usual grades. I wasn't disappointed because so much had happed. Just as I was settling in, it happened again, I was changing schools again. At least this would be the last one before secondary school _I remember thinking_. Within months we had moved to a new house on the other side of town. once again, I was the _new girl_. This was my fourth and final primary school.

From that point on, I remember becoming selectively quite. This taught me to read people, the things they said and didn't, what they showed and tried to hide, at all times the things happening remained in the context of your full story in my mind based on everything I ever heard, saw, read, perceived and observed about you. This happened without thinking, it came naturally to me. I was appointed Head Girl even though I was new and didn't know anyone, my attempts to hide didn't work. It was a small school.

The New school brought with it a whole other thing I hadn't experienced before. Jealousy. Something was different there, My Seat Partner was a boy who I didn't know had a _lotttt of "fans" lol_ I just came in and the Teacher said to take the empty seat.

So here I am Head Girl after a few months, and I don't even know how, I'm so new how could I be Head Girl? Only looking back now I can understand how annoying it must have been for them girls who did four or more years there and i " _just waltzed in_ " and in the final year and get the attention of their _star boy_ and get appointed to lead them. I didn't even like the boy and he knew it. All " _Wonderful"_ timing by the way, because my confidence was still in the dumb, I was still being hard on myself and then having to deal with snouty comments from mean girls and their mums while my mom just had a new baby needing her attention and while my dad's new city schedule was so insane, I was barely even seeing the guy. It was a very difficult year.

Thankfully, Even though I missed a lot of school in the year before, I was doing really well. My Parents paid for extra Lessons, everything was good on that front, at least enough to earn me a good reputation and the respect of amongst the guys but the girls had a different reaction.

After speaking to my mum finally she advised and I listened and made a decision. I chose to be intentionally oblivious to all the hate because I wasn't going to change anything about who I was and whether they liked it or yes, lol I was there and the head and we were graduating together. _Oh and yes he likes me_ but I'm gonna play coy until I leave here because my folks would have never given me permission to date or entertaining any boy related conversations, even if I tried so that was out of the question.

It wasn't all bad though some of it I did because I knew my dad would be proud. The birth of my youngest sister in Lagos meant my parents were busier than I had even seen them. After a while, I was never bothered if I had family In an audience when I was performing or presenting or not. I think I learned not to see anyone specifically in a crowd, so weirdly It made me more confident.

If you don't know by now and the news hasn't compelled you enough to believe yet, many Movie Scenes you've ever seen are real somewhere at some point. The world really is as _bat shit crazy_ as you fear it is. Sadly and ironically our social lives these days have left us actually knowing and caring less and less about each other. Think about your neighborhood for a second, how much do you really know about the family 2 doors down? And what do you let them know of you?

People are people and as God's been trying to tell us for centuries, we've all _fucked_ up somehow. When are the people going to realize His love and stop running and just receive it? He won't play mind games, won't trick you, he'll just keep being straight with you. When you're tired of trying all this mess out here, the lucky ones find him. The blessed ones Finally come to accept what you've known all along.

We have got to stop All this childish tantrums we keep exhibiting. It won't help at all. The sooner we all realize He is the answer, the better. God will not be second to anyone. He has to be our focus _always_. It's how we are wired to function.

Remember that all have sinned, that religious leader, politician, celebrity, Parent, Therapist etc that seems so perfect and makes you feel like you're a mess isn't any better than you. Know that only God is perfect and only he can be trusted, with him, even when things are bad he works it good for you.

— don't be stupid
Vulnerable Men and Fearless Women

There's has been a huge disparity in the methods we have been adopting in raising boys and girls, I think since forever. We have many ideas handed down like, _strong boys don't cry or apologize, A good_ girls _must be a good cook_ , _Girls never talk back_ , women must be this, men don't do that ( _you fill in the blanks_ ). We've all heard them, no matter where you were raised we all got told some version of these unspoken gender hierarchy rules which are reinforced by the institutions we've built. So the result becomes this machine with an invisible pre set mold that inadvertently becomes the standard for all of us.

It's incredible how one myopic singular perspective formed by a hand full of ignorant and clueless people, probably speaking based on the pains of their own experiences, have been projected and spread _through an infinite number of channels_ and over time become the standard we all work to fit into.

Here's the truth I've found, we are all different, just be you, dare to be different, the only permanent thing is change, no two people are the same, we are all unique, strive to be yourself daily.

I know Its really difficult to believe this on account of, the way everything that is around us " _works_ " or is structured and _supposed to be_. The variation in the upbringings I'm referring to aren't on a small scale, I'm talking like Mars and Jupiter level differences. Young minds don't come preset, these differences are the outcome of these variant orientations parents and society teaches. We teach boys that they should prioritize strength over everything, in some cultures they are celebrated just for being born men, in other cultures their needs are prioritized above the female children, school rules are not as strict on them because they don't have wombs, they are taught to have group activities that type cast them into what you'll find in every high school movie ever made, the more promiscuous and emotionless you are, makes you the "alpha". High _Body counts_ are only relevant when you're a girl but a badge of honor when you're a boy, its mandatory to be polite as a girl but boys don't need this particular skill, the ones who are born with it are labeled weak. Even considering helping out around the house as a " _girl thing_ , while relaxing on the couch is more boy oriented, being opinionated makes you a defiant girl, being centered and accretive means you're not matronly, beauty is worth celebrating and what the feminine hierarchy is based on, being dangerous and risky " _a bad boy image_ " is glorified while the good boy is to be ignored.

This culture makes it okay to rough up other boys to prove you are tough, kindness makes you a _wuss_. There is pressure to never walk away from a dare no matter what, a boy must _always prove himse_ lf to defend his honor, the number of boys you have to turn down makes you a more _valuable girl_. Wife the good girl and keep the slut around for fun, Its okay to have a catfights, gossip and bully to be the _queen_ , to maintain your cool status only befriend other preppy girls, it doesn't matter where you got the money as long as you slay, keep the older guy for money and the younger one for fun, its okay to talk to multiple guys at a time keeping all of them interested and in competition because it makes for good gist and you have your _options open_. Being kind to the uncool girl loses you cool points, the mean girls gossip about the awesome ones they secretly wish they could be _lol_ these are all sadly accepted norms that don't stop in high school. One of the Rock Bands I used to love called _My Chemical Romance_ have a song that that said, " _high school never ends_ " implying that it's just a sample period giving you insight into how society operates. These are the outcomes of all the _fucked up_ unspoken rules that they said. ( _whoever they is._ )

Sadly, It's how the world works, _it's the way the game is set_ is what they argue. So who's going to change it for us if we don't? we shouldn't be surprised when the Family Institution which is the most elementary sect of Society is breaking down. Everyone comes from a Family. A _fucked up Country_ , Society, and World are reflections of dysfunctional _fucked up_ Families.

I watched a Makers Conference on _YouTube_ the other day, Actor Terry Crew was speaking on the unhealthy entitlement of masculinity _as we know it_. At the end of his speech, he made a simple suggestion I have since come to more than agree with. He said we all need to make a tide shifting to effect any change in this faulted patterns that we see all over society by having more fearless woman and more vulnerable men.

I think more woman need to work on getting rid of fear and become less likely to have your actions and inactions be fueled, driven or dictated by it and Men who know it's okay to be kind and admit that you don't have all the answers or know how or what the fuck "being a man" means. That is crushing amount of pressure to put of anybody. Only God know the man or woman you're supposed to be and there's no single mold of what that looks like. _Period_.

As I've already written, you know I understand this subtle yet very real and crippling mentality very well. For years I was trapped in it. Like most things all it takes is a decision to make a shift in your mind because you have the power, only you do, no one can effectively make the decision for you.

Specifically to the men, you are _already_ strong, knowing that and deciding you have nothing to prove to anyone will change your life. You are not weak for caring, it actually takes strength to. You are all _Alpha_ males because your Father, God is Alpha. The pack is stronger when this shift happens. A leader isn't stronger or better, he's just gifted at giving guidance and managing people. Your gift is just as important, it is NOT weaker or smaller because without you and your own gifts we are all weaker. This need to _prove yourself_ as a " _real man_ " is killing you.

I'll end with this scene portrayed by Australian Actor, Liam Hemsworth's character in the Movie The Dressmaker starring Kate Winslet. His character and some friends were drinking and hanging out at a Silo filled one night, And the boys made a bet that he couldn't jump in. At first he refused but in the most infamous juvenile masculine line _ever_ someone said to him _you're too chicken to do it,_ dude he jumped in. Unfortunately, they didn't know it was full of grain enough to drown in it. He died that night.

First of, before your write it off as " _Just a movie scene",_ consider the fact that there are so many people who've lost their lives to stupid bets that mirror that sad and unfortunate scenario. I think this pack mentality fueled by a fear of being left behind, of being called weak and feeling pressure to out perform is more dangerous than we admit and actually a sign of weakness. Trying to mask a feeling of inadequacy. _Tragic_.

There's nothing like a man with a mind of his own, ( _sexiest thing lol_ ) his own standards that he's prayed for and upheld for himself, successful at being alone on any issue and being okay with it.

A man who's focused on and unashamed about spending time to figure out what God's plan for Him is instead of spending time and energy on getting _input_ from " _the boys_ " on your life decisions. Really? You're listening to Your boys who are failing themselves with their decisions and _winging it_ at best? Taking advice from "the guy" who is miserable and lying about it, who's trying to save face passing off his failures as the _dream life_ while the whole time secretly jealous of what you've got going? Spare yourself the trouble. Hear the voice of the Lord for yourself and your household. Do it everyday of your life, stop consorting with people and occupy yourself doing the things He tells you. Pray and obey. It's that simple guys.

Your real "guys" should be fine hearing NO from you, Your priorities should be abundantly clear to them, You are not wimpy for loving and prioritize spending your time with your woman over everything. _Unapologetically too._

To me, that's a _boss-ass_ man. Nothing beats doing things and absolutely nothings with your Mrs. If that means you would be unpopular, well so be it. You will never have a better life than when you organize your priorities correctly and shrug off the burden of performing and fitting in and being perceived as _The Man_. Only God has the answers you're looking for and he'll only ask you to give account for a handful of relationships. Your job as a husband is number one on that list. We need a new definition of what a good man and woman are. Better ones.

Finally to those naïve Men who idolize Solomon for his many women and large fortune, dude seems like _The Man_ right? wrong. Here's a brief rundown of how his life actually played out.

1. Right after he died, His subjects testified of his mistreatment of them. He basically enslaved his own people to build that fortune. _That was his legacy._

2. His life angered God enough that Samuel was sent to tell him he was fired, basically. He then foolishly tried to kill his brother who he almost lost his throne like Saul did to his father David.

3. He apparently failed to transfer any of the _infamous_ wisdom to his children because The very first decision his Heir made as king was a foolish one. So foolish it divided the kingdom. Solomon may have died a King but most of his kingdom was taken from his son and ultimately given to his brother. _Just As God said it would._

4. Sadly, that divide has never been fixed till this day.

And if all these still aren't compelling enough to convince you that his life _ain't_ the way to do this life thing as a man, try to find what he said on his deathbed and judge for yourself whether those are the words of a happy fulfilled man or not.

Be wise. Go straight to the Source and make sure to use yours wisely. I think it's stupid to revere the guy while ignoring the God that he said gave him the _shit_.

— God is not out of Money. That's assured lol and Boys, tell each other  
the truth and don't be afraid to be a wuss. So fuckin what? Nuf said.
Bigger Issues

Pop Quiz.

Question: Who run the world?

Ans: God

Cool. Now we can continue.

There seems to be a lot of confusion over gender lately, Everyone! We do understand that this conversation is ridiculous _right_? _right_?

What? now we're disputing Centuries old truths that _miraculously_ God, Religion and Science had in common and actually all agreed on? Common guys, This new brand of confusion has got to stop it. At once.

Let's start from the top shall we? ... _In the beginning God made man in His image and likeness. In His image created he them, Male and female created he them...._

How much clearer can a truth be!?

Guys, I'm sorry you do NOT get to choose this one it's already preassigned by nature. If You've got a protruding part, you are Male, Intruding parts, you are Female. It not Rocket Science. All this talk of fluidity is over complicating an otherwise basic _ass_ thing. You are NOT woke or progressive for buying into this very unnecessary idea. You are in fact setting the human race back.

Formulas work right? Kay let's see if we can oversimplify this for those ones that might still be puzzled.

Basic Formula

Dick/Penis = Male

Pussy/Vagina =

Female

Got it? Good. It always has and it always will.

Seriously though, all _jokes_ aside guys, What is mind boggling and honestly a little disgusting is how in a world where there are more people than ever who's entire lives have been defined by wars and the aftermaths of wars, one with children who know no other reality but that of displacement and _floating_ without any grounding comfort of basic identity as a nationality, or the safety of a house. How is it that the debate we are choosing to have is what makes you male or female.

That my friends is not a dialogue worthy of our collective attention. Somewhere inside all these brilliant minds arguing such trivial things are the solutions to these weighty issues. Wake up and get woke in the way and on the things that actually matter.

_Real-Ass_ talk, Poverty isn't decreasing in the world, it's increasing.

Yup, that age old _rich-poor_ gap continues to take quantum leaps everyday.

I hope you even realize you now live in a world where the thoughts out of normal human brains like yours have generated trillions of dollars. That's right, T as in _TRILLION._

Have you ever heard that figure used in everyday talk before? Never in history, Only in our lifetime. Do you know what that means? If you live in a "First" world country, I can understand why you would be so detached from and oblivious to the grim realities so many people face in other parts of the world but for the rest of you, what's your excuse? I can not figure out how. it is that African Youths are also spending valuable time, Witt, innovation and energy debating these baseless and ridiculous topics when all you have in your reality is lack, death and sickening poverty and all kinds of oppression. If you're d _oing good_ , what about your neighbor? Remember that word? Neighbor?

Meanwhile, While everyone's distracted, the female gender remains under actual attack, from the millions of girls missing in India, to obvious implications of years of selective abortions due to a preference for the male child in China and the overwhelming moves to suppress this gender in many parts of the world. It is really an interesting time to be a woman.

I hope that those who do have freedom and rights and opportunity wake up to the value of these combined privileges and vow to use them for the collective good, moving the world and the oppressed out of inhumane realities.

— stop being silly
A Politician's Calling

Around our house, political conversations were the norm. My parents and their visitors often spent dinners discussing politics, arguing for and against government decisions and the News. My father did his best to keep abreast with the overall happenings in the Country but I never heard him speak about it with the intention of joining to actually help bring the change he wanted to see.

While he'd always been a Patriot he didn't have the ambition mostly because I think he was really blessed to have found his passion as a young man. Law. It was as much passion as it was one of his gifts so it makes sense that he excelled at it. Even as a child I knew he was doing really well in the legal world. People would call my mother Oy _a_ L _awyer_ "L _awyer's wife_ and us _a moma_ L _awyer_ " _Lawyers children"_.

I remember asking my mother why and she explained what it meant but I always wondered why because he wasn't the only lawyer in town. He was one of those people who was just brilliant. He had an exceptional mind but more importantly, he loved it. It wasn't just a job or profession to him, His legal mind and training influenced a lot of different aspects of his life. He had faith in the Justice System and was proud of the life changing work he was doing on a daily. He worked pro bono ( _too much in my opinion_ ) doing many cases for people who couldn't afford council. All you had to do was get him to believe in your cause. It didn't matter, Churches, Local Government Councils, old Widows, you name it. I heard these kinds of free service stories that sometimes took him away from us and on long journeys throughout my life. Even as a Senior Advocate he continued these types of work and I was proud of him for it. Proud because it was a reflection of his heart, and being fathered by someone with a motivation that was not always about money was both refreshing and inspiring. He loved his practice so much that all my subtle _and big_ attempts to nudge him towards diversifying our family sources of income _which in my opinion was much needed, w_ eren't ignored but they weren't implemented either _lol_ so I learned to _relax_ and let the man enjoy his life. While working to build mine.

After a while, I finally accepted that he was fine so I learned to be. It was me who needed more so it would have to be me to do more. He and my mother attend the same University in Jos where he was part of the Student Leadership. The year we took a family vacation to Jos, we stayed at this beautiful missionary run Inn we loved so much. On that trip, they took us kids on a tour of their old campus lives, their classes, rooms, secret places, the student union building where he spent a lot of time and to his special accommodation because he was in leadership. Apart from those types of retrospective discussions of his time as a student leader, politics wasn't discussed as a future activity.

Then one day, while in my third year at University, I thought I heard someone announce on the Hostel Public Address System of my Hall of residence, that my father was looking for me. I thought _this announcer doesn't know what she's talking about,_ she's definitely wrong, half laughing because I thought, there was no way my Father was in school. He almost never came to my schools, it was a running joke amongst us kids. If i schooled closer to home then maybe but to imagine him getting on a flight from Abuja to come see was crazy! but then, she announced again.. _Ojone Ocholi, your Father is downstairs waiting for you._... by now I'm half angry that someone would be playing stupid jokes in the hot weather _lol_ , i put something on and ran downstairs purely to _check_ this unfortunate soul in a way that ensures this never repeats itself again. I was so sure he couldn't be there ( _I think I wore my pajamas_ ) but I got down and as I lived and breathe there he was! All Anger disappeared _quickly_ , _lol_ replace by just blinding giddy joy, everything else is a blur. I hugged him, changed and we went out to eat.

I should've known that whatever was important enough to pull him to come see me in Canaan land would be a Mammoth sized level of News. I would soon find out he traveled all that way to tell me he was accepting to listen to God and run for Governor. The way I understood it, the decision was already made and there was nothing I or him would do to change it. That didn't stop me from making a case for not doing it though, futile as it was, I still made a full argument stating all the risks involved especially for him and then for the family.

Until that point, the only conversation of our collective future was of him making arrangements to start appearing at International Courts of law with his new Chambers that'll run out of London. My mother was to enroll to study law, Ele was to relocate with them immediately, while the rest of us would after graduating from the our schools. All holidays were to be spent together in London. He had taken and passed the necessary examination to make this career change, everyone was on board and happy with said plan, so imagine my disappointment that afternoon.

Don't get me wrong, I knew he would be basically starting over in a new country with new people and modes of operation but if I knew one thing by then, it was my father's ability to trump and triumph anywhere and in anything he applied himself to. He seemed invincible. Looking back now, in all of that London talk, there was no mention of God.

As a family, every relocation we made was always guided, London was different. So I guess from our track record, I shouldn't have been too surprised when running for Governor came as the instruction. God had used every means available to communicate his next step for my Parents. And after agreeing together I imagine my father knew that nothing short of telling Me by himself, _in person_ would suffice.

So there I was hours after the shocking hostel announcement and a quick lunch at the cafeteria, standing opposite him in his friend's living room listening to what God's idea for the coming years for our family was. True to his nature, he listened to me make an _on the spot presentation_ of all the reasons he shouldn't and the risks involved. I heard myself crying half way In which did not surprise me because this was the mother of all emotional conversations and more so, one I never thought we'd be having, _ever_. In his normal calm way, He smiled, the look in his eyes reflected everything I needed to know. He was honest, he'd always been with me, he didn't have all the answers but something assured me he was going to obey no mater what. I was crying because I was afraid. I had heard the stories of what happens in the world politics all over the world. I had an idea of what was ahead of us and I didn't like it. If it were up to me, I'd pick London in a heartbeat but it wasn't. The call was on him and even though I loved him and wanted to protect him, what he needed in that moment from us his family was our support. He got it. I sometimes wonder where we'd be if he didn't obey. As Blessing says, _lol_ Somethings we reserve as questions for when we finally hangout with God. Physically _lol_ , _this just seems like a face to face conversation topic lol_

There's a common thread in the stories of people who've obeyed God in this level of a life decision, it is that you hear the direction, you believe and accept but you only get the very next step. When you take the first step, you get the next one. That's the life you sign up for. This is the formula of faith.

You know why I love God? because he's so open and honest with his MO, by now if you've read his letters you know what to expect. Don't you wish every important person in your life came with a manual? _lol_ Well let's all be thankful the only one that really.

I knew I wouldn't get much from asking too many questions because even though I was younger when it last happened, I'd seen this before. I recognized it and instead of fighting it got on board and hugged him. Promising to pray for him every day.

When you're obeying God on something people don't understand that you don't have all the answers at once, you see a glimpse here and there while spending every minute trying to hear what's next, so whether or not they keep asking a million questions, you don't have the answers. That's that _substance_ and _evidence_ of hopeful and invisible things, part of Faith that you've got to have. Simple answer, I don't know yet, but God does, and as soon as he decides, I will.

Sometimes, answers wouldn't even come to you until the very last minute, so there's no lag time enough to keep everyone in your life informed. That's why spouses rock. _Lol_ plus I think God does it on purpose, so no one, not even you can _fuck_ it up. All I know is, usually when he steps in at the 11th hour like that, everyone's faith is that much stronger afterwards because no one would be able to claim to understand or take credit for how your _ass_ was saved. _The stuff of miracles._

If you need an illustration, try to imagine that 3 day father-son road trip Abraham took with Isaac on that road to make the infamous sacrifice. That Must've been a very quiet awkward journey because Abraham would've been praying in his heart the entire time and holding on for any new word from God, meanwhile barely able to make eye contact _lol_ probably dodging the many questions being asked. Knowing the whole time what God's instruction was and having to keep it from Sarah and the son himself. That's a typical picture of any project of faith.

For those who think that was a harsh test, you're _damn_ right and necessary too, Would you give that magnitude of a destiny to a faithless uncommitted man? I heard somewhere recently that the God of the promise wouldn't allow anything to occupy first place in your heart before him, not even the promise. Abraham proved in those three days that he valued God above His promise in that extreme example. It Shouldn't surprise anyone then that Abraham got, what his has even now. Would you have passed?

I know this Chapter is about the Campaign Run, I explain with this beginning story because the rest of story looked like the beginning. From my _distant_ point of view which was an intentional decision they made, (they chose to keep us as far away from the activities as possible) From what I observed, it was one step in front on the other until the end. A six year period filled with unbelievable testimonies of great favor, grace and protection filled with mandatory decisions of great courage, selflessness, faithfulness and commitment in the face of ridiculous opposition.

Obeying God is worth it. You come out fulfilled in purpose and nothing can beat this satisfaction. Know that when you are done, God is nodding with a smile and remember, He is also the promise keeper who owes no man. He can't be coerced into saying thing, it was his will to give you what he promised. Learn to obey, do it his way and you will find rest.

I want to end this chapter by saying it took me almost 3 years to read any single publication, look at the pictures from the scene and watch any News Channel covering on anything from that day of the accident. Finally a few weeks ago I read, watched and looked at everything ever published online. While in that, I came to this article by a journalist in a National Paper about what happened that day on Kilometer 57. First of all, nobody knows what the _heck_ that was, no one can pretend to understand it but the Article spoke about how God knew while creating my Father to be born in 1960 and while he courted and married my mother, that their stories would both end on that March 6th Sunday of 2016. I guess it's one of those situations that are hard to completely know for sure and would have to wait until God chooses to say or we will ask when we see him, because sometimes I think like the writer and sometimes I believe that my family did not obey until the end. Recently though I heard Kenneth Copeland say the devil attacks you even when you're walking in obedience and it clicked.

His assignment was clear. Run for Governor of Kogi State. Maybe he took his eyes off the assignment for a minute. Maybe We all did, maybe this was always the plan. I don't know. While the appointment was a great honor, sometimes I wonder if we had stayed our course and had persevered on in obedience as a family till the end, if the outcome today would be different. He was prepared to be Governor, he was ready for it. Without any shame or regret, sometimes I wish we had stuck to God's design but then again maybe I didn't get to hear the latest instructions.

You become an easier target for the devil when you're running your own plan outside of God's will, or even running his will according to your own plan. He only provides for and protects His will. Chances are, if you are _chosen_ , you've experienced this already. The stakes are different for you so are the standards. If you refuse to do what you're told, try as hard as you may, failure or worse is guaranteed. If you think this is extreme, consider the reality show worthy life story of Jonah. _Just think about it for a second_ , God sent a _freakin_ whale to swallow this guys after being thrown off his _assignment defying getaway boat_ by pulling the shortest straw in a deck by random _ass_ guys who just so happened to know they were all about to die because someone on their boat had _sinned_? _lol_ I mean of all the things they all could have collectively thought to blame as the reason for their predicament and of all the places the whale could have been at that exact time and all the ways they could have suggested to solve their problem it had to be the exact ones that were aligned with God plan. The chances of this exact sequence of things happening _coincidentally_ are ridiculously impossible.

I think sometimes we forget, we're dealing with the same God who did that, and that we already know he doesn't change. Jesus came to reconcile us to our original relationship with him not induce amnesia in us about his character. People are quick to call grace that covers all sin, _bruh_ that same grace also gives power to overcome sin. You cant choose one while simultaneously Ignoring the other effect of grace. We're quick to forget his part _shall we continue to sin so that grace may abound_? You know the response to that semi rhetorical question asked?, _God Forbi_ remind yourself that part.

The instruction is to flee from ever _appearance_ of evil, meaning don't even wait to confirm, if it feels and looks like evil, it probably is, get away from it and stop making excuses _sir_. That's your responsibility. Nobody can do it for you.

The bible is not a 'religious book", it's the human story filled with typical people with typical lives chosen to do _Atypical_ things as an example for everyone to learn from. If you change your perception to it, it changes everything. For instance, of all the virgins in her day, Mary was chosen. Ever stopped to ask yourself ? Was it just about her or did that assignment include everything that made up her story? family, region, fiancé?. I think the decision on God's earthly Mother was as much about Joseph as it was about Mary.

First, she must have been trust worthy, enough that a man she's to marry would believe what could've easily been labeled a " _bullshit story_ " about being pregnant and not haven slept with anyone. Joseph was special too, because he had to have his pride in check enough to listen to the message of the angel from a dream, he had to be bold enough to defend his decision to carry on with the wedding, probably first to his parents and his friends and then the society going on nothing but his faith in the Angel from God and trust in his woman.

He had to be attentive and obedient enough to listen and carry out every lifesaving instruction quickly, have his emotions in check enough not to react in anger no matter how hard and inconvenient it got, be honorable enough to protect her and disciplined enough to go beyond what was required of him to wait until after his step son was born to be with his new wife who just carried God's baby boy.

Let's face it, that Heaven's decision was about these two people being equally trustworthy enough to be given this incredible responsibility of birthing and nurturing this special Kid. For fourteen years Joseph got

to be step father and early protector to that child, the child of a God. What an honor. Could God consider you and your union or family with such an assignment today?

I think every visionary has the lonely responsibility of believing the instructions of your assignment and drowning out any voice that negates your instruction no matter the source. Contrary advisory voices which sometimes include your own have to be sieved out at every turn. You have to reach a point when the only voice allowed is that of God. You will look foolish but He will be pleased. If you must consult, Thank everyone for their input and graciously state your assignment to those you must hear it.

Any _opportunity_ that negates God's last instruction for your assignment is wrong for you. _period_. No matter how tempting it is, have the courage to say no. no matter who pressures you, a Spouse, your Kids, your Pastor, everyone's included. have the boldness to say no.

Often, this happens when you're closer than you think but even more often, things get tighter than you can bare on your own the closer you get to victory.

Jesus is the template for life. He was God's son and he still suffered loss, and temptation and fear. The correct response to these situations is to ask for strength and focus to continue. _Gethsemane_ moments require bravery, loads of prayer and savage responses and timely silence. This explains the " _get thee behind me satan_ : response Jesus had to Peter. Even though Peter meant well. Remember to say it out loud and then proceed to explain to all your children and proceed with your last instructions unapologetically.

I don't know what conversation my dad had with God in his final phase so I'm not sure but God asked me a year after the accident if I thought my father would have done it if He had told him he would die after. My reply was honest, I don't know.

Here's what I do know, knowing who he was, I understand what could have been, I know that My father is the best thing that never happened to the people of Kogi State. What you saw outside was what he was inside. I have never met another man like him yet. As strong as he was gentle, As brave and fearless as he is calm and kind, As honest as he is thoughtful, as impartial as he is witty, full of solutions and conscious of the needs on the ground. Meek enough to accept he doesn't know, smart enough to listen and figure it out. Disciplined and faithful, peaceful and decisive. He had a clear picture in his mind's eye of what the State was going to look like.

The buildings to your right as you drive into _Lokoja_ were going to be painted as colorfully as any south American country postcard you have ever seen, _Cuba is a good reference_ , the water side opposite was going to mimic the bays of Miami, the roundabouts turned into freeways the Government House relocated to Hills.

The Steel and Ceramic Factories would be operational enough to export a _Made in Kogi Cement Brand_ , out of our abundant resources, the Confluence Bridge would be reimagined and towed a beautiful Monument of a spectacle in its place. There would be Tax Free Zones, a small Airport and job creation would be intentionally triggered through State and Private Sector Partnered Ventures, Projects in Manufacturing and Agriculture would be prioritized. Schools would look radically different, he was after all married to an Educational Administrator. _lol_

Mostly I feel sorry for the lives people didn't get to have, the transformation that is so needed and so easily attainable. He saw it, he shared it and knowing him and now knowing God, and they would have done it and they would have done it _serendipitously_.

Leadership to me is having the guts to imagine a good future that most people wouldn't dare to and then having the commitment to translate it from your mind into reality for the benefit of Everyone. It starts in your mind. See it clearly enough that your wife can draw it on a piece of paper for your daughter in the kitchen. I think my Father represented something new on the Horizon.

— Still
Just Only One Enemy

This is for believers and non-believers alike. When in doubt, your enemy is always the devil. You only see the person though which it's being executed. If you have a hundred enemies, know that they are all one. If you fight them as one, you've already won. The tactic is to divide your attention, split your focus. Get you to focus on fear and abandon faith which is your _shield_. If you panic, he's got you. If you worry you're trapped. The world isn't going to get better, you know better than that. However, this fact doesn't seem to faze God so it shouldn't you.

Notice how in spite of all of the madness he makes us so many beautiful promises and paints a picture of heaven not just after death but while we are here still? Don't know about you but that's all the confidence I need. The one inside and going before me is _Gucci_ so why should I sweat? Find out quickly, what God's plan is for you, listen for the specific instructions for your life and get preoccupied doing those things while you fill yourself daily with the pictures of this promised future and you'll be great.

Death is not the worst of your enemy's tricks. It's getting you out of purpose. In all things and at all times Always Remember that The Prince of peace wants you at peace, a perfectly abundant one. So Enjoy

— Recently I was thinking how maybe Slavery is not a white vs black event.  
It is Good vs evil. He hates all of us because God loves all of us.

Team Lukewarm

Do you like lukewarm water? Most people like drinks either hot or cold that neutral _shit_ is only for when there's no options right?

Well we know one person that really hates neutral lukewarm _shit_. In his own words.. he _spits_ it out.

What would in your mind, categorize a person as lukewarm? Better question, can a whole Country be lukewarm?

Dude, Wake up, pick a side. Get to work. Stop wasting time. You do NOT want to be spat out. You will not hit the ground before you get torn to pieces.

— Don't risk it.
A Dubai Way

The only family trip we ever made outside the country together was to Dubai in the UAE. Right from the inflight experience going there, you'd be sure that another group of people were running things. That was the first trip abroad _ever_ for most of us. So we were so excited. it's funny, I really don't remember much of the seven day trip, _adrenalin high maybe._

What i remember the most were these giant white glittering pillars that ran from top to bottom across what seemed like endless floors, everywhere throughout the airport. The place seemed to go on forever, Everywhere you looked there they were.

Looking back, I guess they struck me so much because the messages was simple. " _Kings Live Here_ " the most memorable parts of the rest of the trip seem to reinforce that simple message. Everything was good enough for a King. Every house, every Road Sign, Market, Street, every Building, every Indigene you saw showed you what these people thought of themselves.

On the flight back home, I replayed the most striking things I had seen in my mind. Upon our arrival here, the difference was like day and night, nothing looked the same to me because suddenly I had new standards of what was possible. I started to think about our history and the oil I had read about and kept hearing that we had as a Country and wondered whether it was different from the one they had and how, whether stories we read about were really true or if the _Nigerian Wealth_ had been a greatly exaggerated myth. I also remember thinking, if these things are true then something's terribly wrong. I've only been back there one other time and only _En-Route_ to another Country, but if the Airport is anything to go by, then that city is even grander now.

The audacity to build what you deserve is why I love architecture. It's my favorite part about traveling. Even the houses we build for ourselves to live in here are substandard in design and quality. So what does that say about us Africans and what we've come to believe we deserve?

— change starts here
FitFam

Consciously make Health your goal. Statistics say Nigerians have one of the lowest life expectancies in the world, Men especially due to a poor diet and nonexistent Exercise Culture. Thankfully, there's a new spark for incorporating Gyms as a lifestyle these days. Although it seems to be more for the _Gram_ than an actual lifestyle adjustment, still, progress right?

Nothing alters the human body more profoundly than food. It's amazing how a few dietary adjustments can completely transform a person's energy levels and ultimately, weight. A great diet combined with the new advancements in Hormonal Supplements would do wonders in these parts. I cannot wait till we start seeing healthy, fully functional old people not in and out of Hospitals and Mental Homes living a full life until the end, with or without having to be rich children.

My are my suggestions;

1. Chefs adventures

I guess it falls to the new generation of African Chefs to set out on a quest to rediscover and distribute healthier Recipes to replace the unhealthy food we all love so much. You'd be doing the whole Continent a great service.

PS, it might be a lot faster if y'all collaborate.

2. _Intermittent Fasting_

_Yup_ , you heard right, it no longer just a religious activity folks. It works both ways. Contrary to popular opinion, you will not die or even be considered poor by skipping a few meals. Funny but, Science finally confirms that skipping meals gives your body space to heal itself by itself.

3. Research and Keep an open minded pallet

Find simple useful resources some are free blogs, recipe books for you and your house staff to use. Spend time practicing. There's more to life than grains and meat. And yes, they taste just as good but If you hate them so much, suck it up. _lol_ It is for your good and your family's and you know it.

Here's some helpful Sources:

\- Hormone Medicine – Dr. Don Colbert's Hormone Health Zone Book. In it, he has made great new advancements in Hormonal Balancing Treatments that enhance total wellness in men and women of all ages.

\- kitchin.com – For Free Recipes

— I heard The Mr West say he's changed the word  
from Diet to Livet in his fuckin vocabulary. lol love it!
The Offline - Online Reality Balance

So apparently this is the most social world today yet us humans have never been less social and sociable. _Let that irony sink in for a moment._

Welcome back, some how many of your online friends aren't really friends. I admit we've watered down that word to unbearable levels like _cmon_ a click of a button does not a friendship make.

We all need to snap out of it, Especially in these parts. What I've found, is there's actually a boat load ( _and then some_ ) of people who just be watching you from the Alaskas of the world and just keeping up for keeping up. These people are not actually participating. No talking, liking or commenting on your _shit_. I've tried this mode used it to watch and make friends from far away place, _lol_ it was fun but I couldn't stay there.

The dormant ones are even the nice ones, how about the mean for no reason ones, or the clouting ones? Or the other part who just watch and learn your _shit_? There's all kinds of maniacs online kids. Protect yourself. Then there's the unoriginal _whack-ass_ types _lol_. Just copying each other, what happened to originality?

How else can anyone explain the entire beard gang? _I'm only partly kidding_ , most men actually look better with beards though, won't lie but don't do it cus everyone is, or at least try a fresh spin.

First time I went to a Lagos club on a Sunday night, every guy in the place looked the same, it was crazy, it was like the clone rally or something.

If your boyfriend was wearing a white traditional outfit and slippers, I don't know how you singled him that was crazy. _lol_ anyway...

Someone said this the other day and it'll help you understand this simply. There's seven billion of us on earth right?, There's one billion people currently online. If these numbers haven't given context to your _cloutophobia lol_ then I don't know what will. Dude, your fear of missing out is completely irrational, control yourself. What you are, by clicking that friend button is under observation. Focus on your _shit_ , take photos as you go, curate them anyway you see fit, there's time for slaying on the gram, so set a time for it. Notifications work like dopamine it's designed to keep you checking and clicking, tame that _shit_.

If you must be online, I advise it be partly for work and or promoting a cause, the people you see with millions of followers have that following mostly for stuff they be doing _off the gram_. Now they make money off and on the thing. _brilliant_

The slayers and profilers of the world are busy and offline. Now that's Solomon level wisdom right there. Genius! You know where he got it? now ask for yours and get to work cus now you know all the news you get on there is either fabricated or gossip. That dopamine type addiction from the red hearts you get is exactly that. The ridiculous levels of depression and suicide especially among young people who don't know your designer bag is sponsored, those red bottoms go right back in the box your stylist brought over for the night and back to the real owner by morning. If you _ain't_ spending that amount on stuff at least be open about it so that 15 year old doesn't feel like her life is trash.

_Lil_ girl focus and build, later have a whole wing in your house and turn it into your personal mall if you want but don't compare your life to others, they don't even have their lifestyle. Besides, you don't want to know nor would you want to do half the things some have done to live fake lives online for total strangers.

— ignore the hype
Fashion

I think it was _Mr Darcy_ in the Movie _Pride, Prejudice and Zombies lol_ who said that he didn't know the minute or the hour that he fell in love with _Jane_. When I think about Style and Fashion, I share the exact same sentiment.

I've never had a muse, I didn't have fashion _TV_ when the Super Models had their era, and if I did, I didn't have the money or parental permission to buy the things they advertised. I met Mrs Carter in boarding school at sixteen years old but honestly, I just loved her hair.

So if I don't have any fashion influences, I think it's because I had one in the area that mattered more, style, and she was my Mother. As I mentioned, we didn't have the family budget but she had a gift.

She could wear the simplest, most basic looking pieces and combine them in a way that made you purple with envy. What's worse, you'll know it hasn't cost much and she'll never pretend that it had. She would probable wear them many more times but never in ways that you'd expect or recognize them. She always said her shopping partner was God and even as an adult now, looking back at what little she had to work with, I completely believe her.

Sometimes I think about how much her wardrobe would be completely transformed by now if she were here. I guess the one she has up there now would be even better than any I can imagine here so nothing's lost.

While her gift was God given, I reckon it can be learnt. The trick is to find yourself and then educate yourself on the eras of clothing, hair, beauty etc, look out for great style from anywhere, it's hard to miss and make a blend that expresses who you are authentically. Repeat this cycle as often as you please, which makes sense because we are not static beings, we keep evolving into more of who we are. Basically,

If you're just

Following fashion

You're too late.

Usually fashion is based on style, when you find your's, fashion and its slayers follow you.

— _I_ _think style is personal and Fashion is fun_
The Middle Class Princess's Perspective on Wealth and Marriage

Lets face it, our perceptions of money and wealth are often shaped by our families and immediate society. If you are born and bred in these parts that doesn't really set the bar very high for you does it? You hear these insane amounts of money people in other Countries are worth, individuals, Families Celebrities, Companies and you start wondering if these people are making these things up.

I didn't see these examples around me. If you're like me, you have one of two choices, be sad and feel inferior or less than or _two_ , accept it and be inspired by it. I chose the latter. All my feelings of insecurity where always imported. For as long as I can remember, my standards had always been far away but always with a perspective that drove my ambition. The only problem was I should have remembered to appreciate the present while working, dreaming and believing for the future.

Looking back, I don't remember thinking about money a lot growing up. We had some nice things, a beautiful white house on a hill, cars, cool enough clothes for the time but never really lavish stuff. That wasn't the focus though, I remember my parent being very happy, no tension about funds or lack of it, even though we had a lot of people depending on him. If he was under pressure, he hid it well. Only time I actually seemed to hear about money was when it was time to " _send some to someone_ " or pay for something for a relative. Did we want more toys and _shit_? Absolutely, but did we lack anything? No.

Truth be told, I didn't even have a clear idea of what money did until I was maybe seven, because I literally had no relationship with it. If you wanted something, you asked and if they agreed you got it, if they didn't well you didn't _lol_. I knew he went to work so much to get some, I knew if I did some chores properly I got rewarded with some, I knew when some visitors come around I'd get some but beyond that, I didn't worry about it. It would be our relocation to Lagos that would make me aware of money for the first time.

Writing this now, I admit that actually sounds like heaven. They had a special relationship and didn't really try to hide it, Everyone was very proud of her husband, the town's young "celebrity" lawyer. My parents mostly had couple friends, and he had associates but we rarely met them. I remember lots of family friends and us kids just following suite. School life rarely mixed with home life, My mother had to vet every friend of course but until my first sister came, I think I really did feel like the Princess _at least to my dad._

Those where very special years for our family. Things were simple and predictable. As a teenager I got more and more aware of money, specifically the lack of it. I started to notice nicer things we couldn't afford, mostly a product of being thrust into a new environment in a bigger city, everything was bigger and better. We started getting a lot more no's than yeses for requests. I started to feel myself disappear, it was like the entire concept of my tiny self-definition was threatened in a profound way, I was all of a sudden a different girl with a new reality.

A lot of our mother daughter squabbles where based on my struggle to redefine myself, now a as typical for teenager, i had a misunderstanding of her situation. I thought she was too weak to give in on such a vital area like work, an area I knew very well affected our living standards.

I definitely expressed my disrespect for her decision and often told her all the things I was going to do one day because I wasn't going to let a man dictate that part of my life. _Silly Child_.

She explained God asked her to obey him and that time would come when she would start to make her dreams happen but I was convinced and insensitive, I concluded that her financial dependency on him was a sign of weakness. Considering all the legitimate opportunities that became available to her in the end, and all she was at the verge of achieving, I have come to see and value, what a heroic sacrifice she made all those years giving up her businesses. I've come to accept that no two marriages are the same, and that God is a genius with the timing of these things, he's things and also that no one except the both of them had a right to an opinion on what worked for them.

God was always right smack in the middle of that marriage, hearing sentences like " _so in prayer today, I reported your father to God_ " or " _call your father i feel like he's under pressure somewhere_ " that was normal talk in our household. The older I get, the more grateful I am to have had that example of a partnership, not just having it but being close enough to observe and learn that dynamic. She would always say marriages aren't designed to operate without God, if you read those wedding vows properly it's a three person covenant. Looking back now, while it wasn't always easy, I count it one of my life's biggest privileges to have been born and raised by a real life, bible believing _Bonnie and Clyde_. I'm blessed to have been raised by two people in love with one God. That's the winning formula guys.

Probably purely out of ignorance, the thought of marriage wasn't something I fantasized about as a little girl, maybe it was a side effect of growing up around and only being friends with boys _lol_ but I honestly don't remember playing out wedding scenarios with dolls as a kid, I played dress up but that was about it. I don't remember having a crush until I got to first year in secondary school and he was in a senior class.

After that, there was the long _ass_ crush. This was the first time I entertained the thought of a future with someone. Ultimately that's the question of marriages isn't it?, are we looking in the same direction in this life thing? Do you think our partnership would be great while achieving a lot but also having fun as we grow? Has God co-signed this? It's not _sameness_ , we don't have to handle things the same. Sometimes we are opposite. But we find a way to execute our decisions together as led by The Spirit.

I heard stories of young love when, boy meets girl they decide a life together is what they both want. It's not about an Instagram worthy photo day, it's about the future we want to build together. I always heard this rumor that alleged Beyonce and Jay's marriage was " _staged"_ and it was just a contract, I always felt like that was _bullshit_ but also what business of ours is it? their marriage is between them two and God. That's the design, anything outside of this formula is not God ordained so it will not work.

Dating is a foreign concept for me. No one talks about it in church, if they do its on a shallow, pretentious level, there's no rules to doing it, it's just such a dangerous thing, especially for really young people I feel, that time is meant to be spent knowing yourself and God not someone else.

When you do date after knowing yourself, you're that much clearer and then able to focus on what's important to be known in someone else. The pressure to have someone is something many people have carried around all their lives. Their sense of worth is tied to having someone, too afraid to be alone. Being alone and lonely are very different things. Are you comfortable enough to be find happiness on your own?

Happiness isn't external. Its not something anyone can make for you. it's better that you enter marriage knowing already what this means for you, otherwise you'll set yourself up for a life of sadness and disappointment because you're expecting it from someone. Everything's better when you come in already aligned with yourself and God. When you two already have your thing, whoever comes in is an addition to the gang. He/She _shall_ learn quickly what the hierarchy is. It goes _non-negotiably_ like this. God and me, God and us, you and I, Us and the kids, Us and our Assignment, Us and Work, Us and our People, Us and our Community, Us and the World. ( _Us includes our kids only sometimes_ )

It starts with a good God induced self relationship. when that Unit works and keeps growing, then in every other Unit, we _Gucci_.

I used to be an avid planner. I've since learned to embrace a piece by piece, frame by frame, a lot more stress free lifestyle and be okay with a single picture at a time while trusting Him completely, leaving the details to him.

Here's the best part, he loves it this way, it signifies that you are all the way in and you give him the chance to actually lead you. isn't that great? that's so freeing for a person like me because now I get to just focus on the current instruction and not worry about a _zillion_ other things since he's got that covered. _Exhales. if I'm the only one excited about this, that's fine, I'll just toast to that one all by myself, hallelujah. lol_

This new freedom that comes from knowing and accepting that I can't know the when-s or how-s but it will all be perfect because He said it would is _freakin_ music to my ears. Anyone who claims to know it all is lying to you, none of us do and that's exactly how he wants it. As awesome as His plans are, notice how vague He keeps it? ...." _Eyes have not seen he says neither ears heard what he has in store for us who love him"._

I guess it's probably kind to add at this point in my joyful _rant_ that first you've got to be in love with him to enjoy this particular privilege. So, fix your love and you qualify. that's the best deal I've ever heard on the subject of futures so i have taken it with joy and gladness. Plus, If you try to do it on your own, you will fail _woefully_ , for some, He'll even make sure of it, I'm not being mean I'm being honest and your _ass_ needs to hear this _lol_ and If you succeed, it would have been at a such crazy high cost and it won't be complete. I want complete.

All of our journeys are different, that's why you've got to align with the Author of this _shit_. You don't want to do it alone, I'm telling you. It's always better when he's in it. That giant hole you're feeling, that insatiable void you keep trying to fill with everything but God, i love to break it to you, it will not go away. if anything, it'll grow wider without him. You know why? You are created that way, there's a Hole in all of us that can only be filled by him.

I fixed my focus on money and work once, all of this has taught me more about balance, what that looks like for you is probably different. Let him help you figure it out and you'll be a better person. When you're a better more complete human, you're a better mom, hubby, wifey, sister, daughter, boss, citizen, all of that. Spending time developing yourself is a good way for you to have a better Marriage. There's many emotional babies walking down aisles and having actual babies.

This is a problem because it affects all of us as a society. There is a ripple effect and chain of influence that's a lot shorter than we realize. Do yours well. Do it well enough that it inspires others to do the same, that is accountability by influence, accountability doesn't have to leave a bad taste in your mouths, responsibility is best when its self imposed. No one should have to make you want to do the right thing.

— dude that's your job.
H.G.Y.O

At first I thought she started it to keep busy, but Havilah Gold, a Youth Organization my mother started maybe in her _mid-forties_ was more than that to her. It was a calling she had which was closely tied to her heart for young people and the challenges they faced trying to build something out of their dreams and aspirations.

My mother, who'd Never been formally trained in business before, even I didn't even know what an elevator pitch was but She had one. All those years working with some of the most disenfranchised young people she could reach, she organized Workshops and Trainings and Conferences whenever she could on her personal funds.

I wish I could say I supported her completely, wish I could say I contributed to her dream but I didn't, too busy with my own life to help her out.

I think Every child should sign up, no questions asked to support their Parent's godly dreams. They have you for a reason. In whatever way you can add value, no matter how small, jump at the opportunity so you never have to regret. I've since learned though that Regrets are pointless, they change nothing. So everyone, support the calling _-s_ of the ones you love, especially family. You should be their biggest and most outspoken fans, faithful volunteers and pitching in anyway that you can.

They won't be here forever and neither will you. What you have for sure is today. Use it to the best of your ability. There were so many things she had dreamed of contributing to with that organization, but it seems that in the end, it was finally her time and she took her chance to make those marks. Only God know why he allows what he does and when he does, I trust him completely.

— well done mum.

Hi Reader,

I'm Ojonè. In writing this book , I share the things the last three years have taught me about these first thirty years of my life. Among many things, I've been taught the following and now believe them to be true. I had the privilege to hear some profound things that can be solid takeaways from this experience for you. I've summarized them into these sentences, this way, you won't forget. Hope this helps you.

_1. I think a_ _good_ _life is one_ _written_ _and_ _directed_ _by God. If you're blessed to be living one of those, congratulations._

_2. I think all_ _humans_ _are wired to reach out for the leading of our_ _maker_ _nothing and no one else will ever_ _fill_ _this void._

_3. I think The_ _quickest_ _path to stress and pressure is to do it yourself. The simple remedy is to do as_ _He wilt_ _._

4. I think death of parents brings you to a brink of something. At least it's true for me, and then all of a sudden, I was awake. Fully for the first time.

_5. I've heard that they say A monster is anything with_ _two or more heads._ _Don't let your life be one. You cannot lead yourself and be lead by_ _God_ _at the same time._

_6. I think at the end of a_ _journey_ _to peace I stand surer than ever that God is true and_ _good_ _. We are created in His image to worship him, if you're not currently fulfilling this basic purpose you're useless and so you're_ _exposed_ _._

_7. You can only find your place is_ _His-story_ _when he tells you, He can only tell you when you_ _know_ _him. You can only know Him is when you_ _hangout_ _with Him. There is no substitute to this._

_8. I think Until you_ _find_ _who He intended you to be, you will always be lost, Doomed to roam the earth_ _forever_ _trying to be everyone one but who you are. There is no_ _sadder_ _life._

_9. I think Whether you believe it or not, everything He has said is_ _coming_ _._

_10._ _I think A_ _loveless_ _world is a result of a deficit in a combination of these two things, Love for God, and love for self. In that exact order. We can't give what we don't have and you're even less likely to know how to receive it even though He's already_ _given_ _._

_11. I think evil exists because_ _lights_ _are turned off._

_12. I think You only get_ _one_ _try so it is wise to Spend every second doing what you're here for. Do this and you'll never be empty again_ _._

Quickies

\- New Orphan pay attention to this one, most people would want to be close enough to know the gist but far enough for it not to be their problem. Focus on God.

\- A self aware person can be intimidating, the antidote to the insecurity it triggers isn't to put on a show but to get to knowing yourself better.

_\- love your neighbor like you love yourself, most people never get to love themselves because they don't know themselves, do both and you'll be successful at loving others. Try Dating yourself before you do another person_ _._
A National Identity

I believe in the United States of America, as a government of the people, by the people, for the people; whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed; a democracy in a republic; a sovereign Nation of many sovereign States; a perfect union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice, and humanity for which American patriots sacrificed their lives and fortunes.

I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it, to support its Constitution, to obey its laws, to respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies.

— William Tyler Page, The American's Creed

I found a plaque online the other day with these words above and I thought, how brilliant is it that someone thought to have this drafted for Americans?. No wonder that Country is great. They are not perfect, who and what the _fuck_ is? But they have gotten some foundational things right and when you see right, applaud it.

These few short clear sentences describe what it means to be American. How precise. Begs the questions, what does it mean to be Nigerian? What is our collective identity?, _not what our reputation is, that is abundantly clear to anyone with a brain_ , what I mean is, who are we? Or maybe the better, more progressive question is Who do we _want_ to be? If I asked you what Nigeria mean to you, What would your response be?

My father was born in 1960, _Men_ , when I tell you he was proud to be born in the year of our independence?! _lol_ i never understood though, I'd always remind him how crappy things actually were, _no offense_ , but in a world of some pretty _badass_ Countries, its hard to validate his excitement. He would always smile and basically say the same reply in different words, ..." _not for long daughter, you watch and see...._ " I would just shake my head and let the man enjoy his bliss. I have to admit his love for his Country was infectious, plus I loved him and when you love someone, sometimes you start to love the things they love so much.

We would have long conversations on counties policies, Constitutions, Politics, Government decisions, alignments and the influence of Religion etc. We would follow Elections, discuss hypothetical scenarios for solving national problems, no suggestion was off limits. There was banter but it was always productive and focused on getting the right ideas no matter how far out the box they were. This naturally made government my favorite school subject.

I didn't really have to study, I just wrote my opinions. I remember once, a government Teacher in one of my schools refused to record my score of 91% because _in his words._.. in years of teaching, no student had scored that high on any of his exams, much less a girl. _ouch_ I didn't even bother to argue with him, My father ( _who never comes to our schools unless the Sky is falling_ ) was more than happy to show up that day at his house _in the middle of his dinner,_ where he found himself giving me my A with a _placid_ look on his face. _lol_ That was a fun little adventure but yes _Government_.

I love many things about the subject and usually liked people who shared that love. Of Course, Government and Politics are very different things but I've found that the later often impedes the former which is tragic for a number of reasons.

Yes we are a uniquely diverse state ( _to say the least_ ) , we've got multiple religions, at least 250 active languages _that we know of_ , 2000 plus ethic groups, 36 state _plus 1 no-mans land_ and 6 Geopolitical Zones.

That's a lot of categories but so does at least one other Country we know of, _India_ so it is not impossible to navigate. I get that it's a lot to sift through, How do we find common ground amidst such _sometimes_ polar opposite positions?

Let me give you an example, to me the Northern Muslim Man in his sixties who believes in the _Sharia Law_ is probably the direct opposite in every way imaginable to a fifteen year old Western Christian Teenage Girl living in Lagos, and yet these are both Nigerians. So when you say my " _fellow_ " Nigerians, think of these as the kinds of extremes that exist.

How do you on _God's green earth_ , even begin to form Policies and enact Laws that equally benefit these two Citizens on a real, _bullshit_ free, tangible level? Crazy difficult right? Completely different mindsets and priorities and yet, you must.

As lawmakers and the movers and shakers in governments come and go, the charge is the same. We must as a people at some point, come to realize that we are going in circles and will continue to do so if we do not first draft and agree on a definition of what it means to be Nigerian, all past and present realities and future ambitions considered.

— it's time
Apology and Love for Our Black Star Neighbors to the Right.

This of course, is a hugely oversimplified version of the story but Once upon a time _as the tale goes_ , our black and fabulous Neighbors to the west were residing among us In large numbers.

At first, everything was _Gucci_ but then _(in typical Ghanaian fashion_ ) they began to slay at _shit,_ to such extents that although they were few, they basically dominated ( _as I understand it_ ) in more than a few sectors, rising up the ranks and basically _killing-it_ in the coin making department. _lol_ So then we( _us_ ) got upset and proceeded to collectively send them all packing. Hence the name of the now infamous _zipper bags_ , "T _he Ghana must go_ "

I personally have always thought that was a mean name, but the poor _jokes_ aside, that must have really caused a rift in our trust for each other as neighbors. There must have a been a better, more humane way to handle the situation. While I can't apologize for all of us, I think sparking an honest and open conversation about the incident would help mend the invertible _low-key_ deep wounds sustained.

Beyond an apology _and a big hug_ , maybe we can make room for talks on what could be done to make amends and hopefully foster better, mutually beneficial initiatives, so that a trustworthy brotherhood going forward for our two great counties can begin.

We can start with an inexpensive baby step, like officially changing the name of the _zipper bags_ to something more positive for instance.

—May I humbly suggest Ghana Can Come. #GCC lol.
National Planning

I once spent the afternoon at an Airport outside of a Country on my way to Vietnam in 2014 and learned in one hour where the country had been, where it was and where it was going and I didn't even enter the place. _lol_

There's nothing is as powerful as a future that we can all see. It was clear, beautiful to look at, with no _bullshit_ Graphs or long worded Documents. Just Pictures, Dates and Mockups. I pray for this level of clarity for my Country.

— write the vision, make it plain, so he may run that readeth it.
Fathered

The role of the Father is to me extremely important in every Family. I think every Nation is a Family, Every Country is literally made up of Families so whatever happens in a country is only a reflection of what happens on the molecular level of Families. Fathers are the heads of Homes. It is their responsibility to provide direction and protection for the Unit A s nature born leaders, they are pre-engineered to play this role _well_. Sacrificial by nature, foresighted and committed to realizing their visions for their families.

So What happens when these important set of people loose sight of who they are and what their role is? What happens when they crumble under pressure and don't even have a picture of what they are walking towards?

Fatherhood is a serious responsibility that requires consistency on a day-by-day _bullshit_ free level. Fatherhood is powerful, your presence and engagement has more of an impact than you know. Wake up. No one's coming and _they_ is a myth. You want something done,? you want tangible change? you have to wake up, see it in your mind and commit to building it together. This applies to Families, States, Tribes and _yes_ Countries.

While my father was building his final village house, one Sunday he pulled me out of Church and asked me to go see the project with him. We drove hours and just talked and ate terrible street food and laughed. He always found fun and weird spontaneous ways for us to hangout like this.

_lol_ When we got to our State Capital in Kogi he got quiet, when I asked if he was ok what came out next wasn't what I expected. He spent maybe the next hour describing in so much such detail, I started to see it. He was describing What he saw every time he looked at the City of Lokoja. _What he saw in his mind_.

The marina at the City entrance, The 6 lane Highway Roads, The new Governors Lodge on the Hill, the Streets and Restaurants, new Businesses he saw in his mind. He talked about Policies that would make the already existing Steel Company functional in a way that brought money in like clock work, The Tow Gates that would pay for themselves.

I realized in that moment that what drove him was he future that he saw and believed was possible. That was how he led our Family, Every year there was a Vision Meeting consisting of Everyone's plans and his overall direction, I knew that would have been his leadership style. His brilliant gift of a Mind saw opportunities, identified leaking wealth, _holes in the proverbial bucket_ and was constantly thinking of ways to channel those wastes to areas that have needed it for so long. He must have thought about it a lot and I bet with the input of his no 1 fan, my mother because she and I had a conversation at breakfast once where she actually attempted to draw the New Lokoja on a napkin. _lol_

What do you think the Americans have come to revere about the Founding Fathers of their Country? Its their visionary leadership and commitment to the tireless execution of that vision. Think about the sacrifice and sheer tenacity it took to build that country from nothing to what it is. After building what they wanted to see and setting things in motion, they put good systems in place to maintain those fruits of all that hard labor.

This is what fatherhood requires sacrifice. You're not a father because you're a man, You're not a father because you live long enough to get old, that happens to all of us eventually. You're a father because you choose to be to consistent with taking responsibility for the problem regardless of who caused them. You own up to your own faults and mistakes caused by your own actions and inactions. You are one because you choose _daily_ to sacrifice your wellbeing always, _even to the death_ for the benefit of your children.

I won't lie, a father's job is not convenient and by no means easy, That of a Father of a Nation, even harder. It is a call for the brave of heart that's not dependent on age. What good is it to us? pointing fingers at who is better when its not based on truth?. The best men for the jobs need help getting in. It doesn't have to be your friend or enemy? They just need to be capable of delivering the vision. I guess that's the problem then, where are we going? That's the starting point isn't it? We are going in circles without one and in 2019! is this crazy, it is _fuckin_ time!

Look around, Nations are far ahead. We have to at some point put the preset prejudices aside and sit the _heck_ down to plan and set out to do the things that need to be done to move us forward.

What is best for us is for you to have one plan regardless of what you _rock_. Find the one who can deliver, empower them, support them and defend them until they start building for all of our sakes, even if it means he won't renew your secretly lucrative _shit_.

The day you start to put Country before yourself, you earn our father of the years to come award. Until then, please be quiet.

— more than a title earned by grey hair.
A Tale of Five Minds

Recently I started to think and figured out how there seem to be Five major types of minds.

First we have _The Why & Why not Minds?_ These are the rebels, the boundary pushers, the innovative ones that are not afraid to go where no one's been before them or do what hasn't been done. This mind cares about what was but purely in a data gathering way. This mind is driven by possibility and thrives on conquering uncharted territories. In my twenty nine years, I find most Israelites and Americans fit this category. The sheer amount of globally ground breaking solutions that have come to alter and utterly disrupt our collective human experience in the past 20 years alone that has come from these two Countries, is staggering.

Immigrated or not, many of these founders are American raised. For a Nation of little over twelve million people to have the highest number of Nobel Laureates and the incredible innovations being churned out in very strategic areas from Israel is incredible to watch. There must be something about those environments that I guess produces the audacity to even think these things and then be crazy enough to execute at such a level of precision that it completely replace centuries old human normals. Jobs, Zuckerberg, the guys at google, Airbnb. Uber, Bezos, the tinder people, Steven Furtick & Mr Elon Musk.

It is this daring, game changing, not even recognizing that there is a _fuckin_ box type of thinking. _lol_ I think this is America's actual major Export. Well executed ideas that solve problems you didn't even know you had at scale. Thanks guys! we are temporarily in your debt. _lol_ but honestly you don't have to be American to tick this box because these startup guys are outlaws that didn't like the way the other people did things so they left, and fought and won and started their own C _ountry_. Them guys didn't mess around, didn't even wait to be given permission, they just made new things.

Don't worry though if the list of successful immigrants" on this list shows you anything, it's that this mindset can be taught and successfully learned. I don't yet have a theory or a walking curriculum but you get the basic idea.

Second up, are _The How Best Minds._ these ones have a strong value for tradition and heritage, they seek to make things perfect and refine the process over time. Interestingly, this still sparks innovation but in a more grounded way that leads to slower processes but superior quality. To me, the Europeans have this one on lock down, have you ever watched the show _how it's made_? Actually just walking the streets of any Of their cities will make this clear. ( _Use google street view on google earth if you can't afford the tickets guys_.) The sheer attention to detail and emphasis on design and beauty is so intense some might argue its prioritized even above performance. If you take the automobile or fashion industries for instance the level of craftsmanship it takes to produce these thing is absolutely astonishing. Let's face it, the finest quality across almost any product category is designed out of a mind in Europe. Again, this can be learned. The entire LVMH group, Mercedes, Bentley, Hermes. Cartier. Everything associated with the Royal Family, anything made in Italy, You get the point. _Nuf said._

Third, is _The How Many Mind_. This ones are always thinking about scale. It's always a numbers game. In my opinion, the sheer scale and number of these people makes it kind of impossible to not think like this. This mind is predominantly in Asians. When you think about it, it is basically _Inclusive Capitalism,_ because it always seeks to make it available for everyone, to this mind it's about access. I actually think it is a kind approach to business. Make no mistake, even though this region isn't known for quality they do produce top quality products, ever heard the joke " _God made the world, everything else is made is China?"..._ that's funny right? You understand why though, China is a manufacturing Power House. It has a productive mindset, again I think this mindset can be taught.

Fourth is _The Okay Minds._ Its the only one of the five that doesn't ask questions. It just accepts what is and references _they_ a lot. You know like _they_ haven't found, _they_ haven't made, _they_ said this is the best, I don't like how they _made_.....it. you get the point? Complaining instead of creating, Waiting to be spoon fed instead of carving out a way. Your way.

This mindset I see predominantly in Africa. Don't even know who's to blame or thank. it is probably the outdated Education. The belief that someone else is responsible for solving our problems and that we somehow cannot do it ourselves which is sadly reinforced by the reward of _garbage in garbage out_ type of grading system at schools.

There is no debate or dialogue about stuff and how they can be revised no reward for original thoughts, which is crazy because them products they be making which we buy _ain't_ even adapted for our environment like that. _lol_ but we keep buying and keep _rebuying_.

I mean there's no single Apple Store in Africa for Christ sakes. _lol_ note that I didn't say there's no Apple Phones, I said there's no Apple Stores. _I'll let you think on that one for a bit_. This too can be taught. Getting a degree based on thoughts from before you were born in an era of this much information updates makes you handicapped upon graduation. It's a real shame because I think we actually do like schooling. We wear degrees like badges of honor, travel far and wide to collect them, imagine what we could do with properly informed Education and Training.

Lastly there's the very potent and _low-key_ lethal _Combination Mind_. This one I see most prominent in the Middle East, the sheer speed and awe inspiring level of beauty that is the UAE is all the proof you need for this one. Bigger, better, cooler, faster, taller, it's ridiculous and very admirable, now imagine if the rest of the region gets a chance to do the same.

Pick one or more, study it to become it and then apply it.

— but enough about minds.
To The Humanitarian People

Aid equals Debt, Debts must be repaid. _The borrower is always subject to the lender_ , beside you know very well where these monies go, so how about some actual help?

You know, the actual real life solutions to real life problems we face that you already solved for yourselves Let's start there.

If you want, we can even pay you with the aid money, whatever. Let's just start doing stuff that takes these parts off pause shall we?, you know, like actual humanitarian shit. Food and disappearing cash are nice but Roads, Schools, Hospitals and Industries are even nicer.

—Thanks.
A Fussy Case for Adoption.

Word on the street is that I was an unpredictably fussy baby. _lol_ For no Apparent reason, completely unprovoked and without warning. Don't get me wrong I was mostly chipper and bubbly and cute as a bottom and _bear in mind_ I was an only child at the time _lol_ but sometimes I'd go days and all peachy then one random day I would just not. No reason no warning I would spend the entire day from 9am In the morning till 9pm at night crying. Can you imagine that? Poor mummy.

As the legend goes ( _lol_ ) she would spend the whole day figuring out different things to appease me. Some worked and some failed. Here are the three hits she discovered ( _smh, God bless mothers everywhere)_

1) playing with my food. Not kidding, she had to turn my meals into a full on block buster productions complete with soundtracks and the occasionally jumping to get me to take each bite. _lol_

2) A bunch of people doing a fun synchronized line dance to a particular silly song she wrote just for me. Seriously i can prove it. _lol_ Thing has part of my name in almost every line of its beautifully ( _lovingly written_ ) lines.

These are the lyrics to the _masterpiece lol_. Oh and it's a call and response type so she would call the unfortunate line _recruits_ have to respond. _lol Her: "Jonè_

Them:

aiyaya Her:

Jonè Them:

aiyaya

Her: Jonè Jonè Jonè

Them: aiyaya

Her: Jonè nwane mo

Them: aiyaya

Haha! They would sing this on repeat holding each other on a line doing a simple line dance until it got amusing to me and just like that the (very genuine) water works would seize

And third ( _and by no means my least favorite_ ) my father walking in. yup, those three were the full proof solutions for getting herself out of my situation. Don't ask me why I loved that man so much even at that age. All I had to do was see him and I was back to Peace ( _needless to say he was completely in love with me) moving on._ I share my _finest_ moments as a baby because babies are an unbelievably, gigantic amount of work, requiring absolute commitment and even after all your hard work what you get is a random day of non stop crying. I understand why some unexpected parents give them up.

You might be too young, had a slip pregnancy, father ran away, no income source to raise the child I get it, it's an impossible position to be but as a society we need to start handling this age old situation better.

For every reluctant mother to be, there's a woman who actually wants to be a mother. This already exists, again all we have to do is find out and adjust to fit the environment but we can institute a program that connects these two women and helps to safely facilitate adoptions of these children. They never asked to be pulled into the drama but we can help them get out of it.

It's not funny how the society that stigmatizes pregnant unwed mothers should also stigmatizes brave women willing to adopt and provide for a child that's not her blood. If modern technologies prove anything, the miracle of pregnancy is exactly that a miracle.

Even a decade ago the idea of another woman being able to carry your egg planted in her and carry and deliver your baby was unthinkable and yet its now an option. births are a portal, the babies are the miracles let us not allow another miracle be reported in the newspaper for being dumped in the most inhuman situations abandoned to fend for himself. There should be a database funneled by Centers that certify whether or not a baby is wanted especially focused on young mothers who can be linked with women who want the miracles they are carrying.

We should aggressive, intentionally reorientate ourselves as a society until we come to a place where it's no longer abnormal for people and families to consider opening their homes to orphaned children either by full adoption or a Foster Care Arrangements. We can call it another name maybe "The Guardian Program" and of course we have to rethink the processes to fit our environment and threats considering we generally don't have child protective services or general social welfare organizations or an excellent identity database.

Are there risks of evil people taking advantage of these suggested processes? Yes, but it's the same unfortunately for most things, and the alternative of continuing to do things as we have is more costly.

This one is a plea on behalf of orphans and unwanted children in every Country where these programs and Institutions don't already exist. These are the most vulnerable among us. Whatever we do for theses ones God says we do unto Him. God bless you as you open your hearts and homes

There are usually vetting processes that vary across Organizations and Countries which is understandable considering what an important decision it is. Be Patient and I hope you commit to being excellent parents or Guardians. Even the fussiest of these miracles need your Love. Today. When the time comes for me, I will be adopting.

— If you are interested in adopting, there are some organizations  
you could look into. I feel passionate about this cause so let's find  
homes for as many babies as possible. God bless you. contact me  
if you need help with the research.
The Power of a Self-Acceptance

Growing up my mother never let us use the word _hate_. Till this day, I catch myself at it when I begin to say I hate something. She would say stop!, hate is a strong word you should never let yourself hate anything or anyone ( _should've completed that advice with except evil one lol_ ) but it didn't matter if her children did not hate, whether you were a toddler, teenager or adult she would correct you once she heard you say it.

I don't know how but as a teenager I didn't like myself. It wasn't quite hatred but it wasn't love. I think it stemmed from not fully accepting myself or my reality. There I was at every point in my life having a million reasons to be thankful and proud. I had unbelievable love and adoration and the full respect of both my parents. Who were in a peaceful committed relationship, a healthy and had a laughter filled family Unit and a hardworking father that provided everything I needed. I was accepted, cared for and they were as present in mind, body and soul as they could possibly be. The cared on personal and intimate levels with all of us kids and I was still trying to focus on the negative.

I was living a version of a fairytale. We didn't always live in a castle but we always had a home, one that was enviable and filled with love. My busy father made time to take us school shopping before every term, they both always just a call away, My father never missed a chance to call me his beauty queen and flatter my looks and sense of style and yet With all that love and security around me for years I struggled with insecurity and self-rejection.

Have you ever disliked yourself before? You can only fully understand love and appreciate this state of mind when you've felt the opposite for yourself.

I don't remember comparing myself to people around me, maybe people compared me and made comments but I never did it to myself. I do remember comparing myself to the stars on _TV_ and Movies and Magazines. That was the worst I felt about myself. No one in particular, just the hair, makeup, clothes, glamor, lifestyle, I don't know why that would bother me as a young girl because no one around me had them and yet I was filled with this irrational thoughts of not being good enough.

That sad reality is that most people spend a lot of years loathing themselves, research shows that especially in teenage years, most people develop a negative self-image based on a focus on things they consider to be flaws. This gradually builds into insecurities that inadvertently influence our self narratives. As you know, words and thoughts are very powerful they shape more than we are willing to accept and our decisions and also to a large extent, the outcomes in our lives.

Unfortunately a lot of people carry on this negative self impressions into adulthood and never manage to shake it off. Of course this happens for a number of reasons. This is an extremely complex and sensitive topic for most people and although physical looks tend to dominate the list, there's a whole lot of areas like academic performance, financial situations and any number of abusive situations that can affect one's conclusions.

Most don't realize it yet, but your self narrative directly impacts the negotiations you make for yourself as you go throughout life. At a job, in a partnership, in a marriage, in a family dynamics, Who you tell yourself you are determines what you think you deserve and will ultimately dictate the things you reach for. Confidence is fueled by this perspective. What people think of you is a part of it but it's mostly what you think about yourself.

The simple solution would be to take time to know yourself.

Seems to me, true love is based on acceptance, accepting the things in your life that make you insecure. Maybe insecurity is a type of ingratitude.

— I hope you find yourself.
Under Knives

Let me tell you where all that self loathing and determination lead me. I flew to Santo Domingo in 2018 and had this Angel looking husband and wife team ( _seriously angel looking_ ) mark out lines on my ( _at that point)_ overweight body. That was the heaviest I had ever been. Not liking myself became faking it till I made it. _Literally._ I spent years stuck to and depending padded bras. Two years before this moment, It escalated wearing _hip pads. It's for certain outfits, I'd tell myself. Lies_.

Ever seen those? It's sad, but It had gotten to a point where I wouldn't even step outside without that and a full face of Makeup, I had a _Heels only_ was my rule and only long hair. All that dysmorphia for all those years had distorted my sense of self and worth.

I was happy to get it done finally. _Excited._ I had years of research, years of dreaming and PowerPoint presentations to my parents _lol_ , countless hours spent communicating with several doctors across the world and the day had finally come!. My course mate from Domus had recommended a Dr to me, It's was her country so she knew better. During a consult with him, He recommended my doctor, who was _kind of_ his _apprentice_.

Once I saw my doctor I knew. Twenty four hours before this moment, I hadn't even met these people, all that time spent preparing and in a day as God sometimes does, he had done the whole thing his way, how he wanted it, not even close to how I imagine it. My friend and her amazing family helped with everything. I had three doctors in 48 hours and a decision to make. Once I saw this man and his wife though, I knew it was them. _lol_. I couldn't explain the peace I felt. I had no doubt in my mind I was in the right place.

In his often cinematic way of being with me, this new father of mine gave me a final _sign_. Seated in the adorable and incredibly chic little reception area of their office, we had been seated for maybe 30 mins when An Australian patient came in with her brother for a final pre op consult. I looked up from the magazine I had been reading and noticed for the first time that the walls of that reception was identical to the wall I had painted in my bedroom in Abuja months before. I could NOT believe it! He's wasn't a wallpaper either! So basically someone had picked out the exact two paints I did and painted that wall with the exact same sized stripes as I did in my bedroom, talk about confirmation! _lol_. Think of the odds for me and them choosing the same paint and having the same idea to paint _light green stripes over our pale white walls_ hundreds of thousands of miles apart.

Anyone who thinks like you can produce the vision you see in my mind for ten plus years. I was sold. I just smiled at God took a selfie and smiled for the rest of the day. The consultation took 5 minutes. It felt like we had met before.

At the time I hadn't decided on a recovery home. And In walked another American patient and her beautiful and friendly Dominican nurse. God made yet another random change. With 6 hours left to surgery, I had the perfect recovery place. I never saw it I trusted anything these Angels of mine trusted enough to recommend. And just like that I was all set.

It turned out to be a Full on _VIP_ Spa Facility, with an incredible and Christian staff who related an Attentive, Proactive, Loving and Peaceful environment. I couldn't have imagined a better place to heal. When you combine this with the fact that the whole thing cost the exact amount we had found in an envelope on my Father's side of our parent's bedroom, while we were clearing out their belonging almost a year before this surgery, it is mind blowing! the precision of God. You try to tell me my father doesn't exist? Guys, there is one God and he loves me.

The next day I got the two procedures I had dreamt of for years. At the best practice I had never knew and by a Dominican Dr. with a Brazilian wife who were both so stunning and kind and professional. Looking at them, I knew they understood beauty. _lol_ guys, I had the perfect team without even looking for them. Just _Look at God._

After the surgery, I lost a lot of weight _on purpose_. You're advised not to but I think he wanted me to. That was always the plan. I had a very specific image in my mind of what I wanted. I wanted to be an improvement of myself without erasing myself. I just wanted to look like I looked with all the pads on but real. All the hatred, time and energy spent all for these minor alterations? I guess that speaks more to my precision and attention to detail. I wanted to be liberated from the _padding_. _Period._

It is everything I thought it would be. I have no regrets. Not one. This was meant to happen as it did.

To you young woman, while my journey to self love was rocky yours doesn't have to be. What I experienced was a true disconnect between mind and body. By the time I was 16 my self narrative was so negative, it seemed to be all I could see. It affected my social choices in many ways. It was the broken record on repeat in my mind. Of Course my parents didn't know about the degree of it all, how do you begin to explain to your parents you have that problem and it was not really liking yourself ?. That just seemed trivial to me. Things had escalated so much I was no longer looking at mirrors as a teenager, even to get dressed. While people spend time in front of mirrors just for fun, I dodged every reflective surface like a plague.

Hopefully in sharing this, some of you can relate and identify the similar patterns in your lives. Do better. Talk about it with people who care not just those who listen and laugh, preferably older, and who have actual interest in you mind being better. There was a woman in her twenties who told me I had a beautiful body one day just randomly I struggled to believe her. This happened multiple times through out my life, people admiring something that I hated and thought I needed to change to be happy. That's a sad way to live.

Tell a Parent or Someone who you can talk to that wouldn't reinforce your doubts about yourself. While the great results have been as psychological as they've been physical, don't kid yourself, recover sucks! worse than is shown on television makeover shows for sure. Imagine the worst pain you've felt and crank it up 10 times.

The road to recovery is long and _fuckin_ painful. This is not a joke, people die from this _shit especially_ trying to cut costs. People get botched or worse, dead.

Girl, boy, I understand If you feel that you must do this to be happy, I wont _bullshit_ you and say it doesn't feel good when what you see in your mind finally matches what you see in the mirror but promise me you'll wait till you're mature. don't take a loan or do anything stupid to pay for it. Have a clear plan of the results you want. If you must travel, safety is key. If a Dr. prioritizes your safety above everything, he or she is the one.

Think of any celebrity whose body you adore, chances are they've gotten some _shit_ done. No matter how natural it looks it might not be. Don't be intimidated, don't let it overwhelm your being to a point that you lose sight of yourself and take _shit_ from people because you have no love for what you look like.

In Spite of what you think, I realized literally a day before my flight out of Abuja to do this, that it is possible to love your self before and after it. Be safe. If the Dr looks like a quack, sounds like a quack, acts like a quack or plans like a quack then the _dude/dudette_ probably a quack.

Just be careful. I want to honestly tell my story without glamorizing plastic surgery.

— All Ojone wants is your safety.
Intelligent, Bold & Beautiful baby Girl

Earlier in my life my parents discovered I had the gift of speaking. So sure I would be a lawyer, she set out to hewn this gift. Back then if you were eloquent, your career path was obvious. _lol_. She ensured I read wide and ferociously, I joined the debate clubs and discussed with adults everywhere, I was preaching, presenting at faith conventions which built my interest and broadened my view. I was blessed to have had this support. My father was very keen on excellent grades. Nothing gave him more joy, so that was my motivation.

I was encouraged to have opinions and speak them, didn't take me long to realize these opinions were unconventional, and it is an isolating thing. Not realizing everyone cannot possibly be like you. I over scrutinized negative reactions automatically as my fault. After a while, I choose to be silent and observe things from the sidelines of life keeping my thoughts to myself. I have changed my mind because there's many girls like me, who struggle to fit in. I want to say that that _defect_ is actually your _special._ It's all a matter of perspective. Creativity, Intellect, with Beauty are all amazing gifts only He can give. Change your perspective and be thankful for them. Stay humble while you're at it.

He entrusts those he trusts to do well with them. Find your voice and use, Find your message and spread it. The aim is to die empty giving all you came with. Dare to be different my girl. Soon, they will applaud. whether there's a base or not, celebrate yourself. And If it's in the design for you, your story partner will celebrate you too.

—You already God does, so that should be enough.
A Pneumonia and A Space World

When I was about six years old, I spent four months in a hospital in Ankpa. _Pneumonia_ the doctor said, my abusive nanny decided because we weren't standing at the door when she opened it some ten minutes after knocking profusely when we returned from school, that she would keep us locked out. We just thought she wasn't home and dropped our stuff on at the door and started playing around the compound. Nothing out of the ordinary, kids are used to making the best of most bad situations.

For hours She wasn't responding even though I could hear her moving around in the house. My brother's were starting to get agitated and I decided we could just play while we waited. (Not that they wouldn't have come to that solution on their own eventually) _lol_ those two took any chance to be free and chase each other around they took _very_ seriously.

As we played, we noticed the Sky got darker in what seemed like seconds. It was completely clear Skies right before but that happens with unpredictable weather. Not believing our luck, _we all loved playing in water, what kid doesn't? lol_ so I remember being excited. It was one of those ones preceded by beautiful strong winds and stuff flying everywhere, we were _living_ I sat enjoying the weather while they continued to play _tag,_ the game _._ After Finally joining the fun for maybe five minutes, the thunder and lighting got really intense and we decided to move to the front corridor in front of the house. We resumed knocking but this person wouldn't open the door. Now the rain was pouring and the winds so strong that being on the front porch didn't spare us in anyway. Our uniforms were soaked while the thunder and lighting continued. The gate was iron so we couldn't touch it we'd had seen episodes in movies of people being electrocuted during rains so no one wanted to dare. _lol_.

After what seemed like forever, we hear the sound of my heavily pregnant mother at the gate. Her beeping woke us up as I guess we gave up knocking and started sleeping, _that was our usual nap time after school anyways_. I Think it was test season and we had stayed up late to study too so we were all very tired and just happy to be home to rest only to be locked out.

To prove it was intentional this person hears my mothers horn and within seconds unlocks the door, allowed us change from the wet uniforms, _making sure to slip in a quick threat about telling on her_. Still too sleepy to even be afraid and finally thankful to be inside, we just continued in our sleep.

I don't remember having dinner that night I knew I had caught a cold. Morning came and my mum confirmed that we all had the cold, our body temperatures were so high, my Grandmother was visiting, she must have come overnight because she took care of us, watching our conditions. While Mom went to work, nobody went to school that day. By late afternoon, I heard my grandmother on the phone asking my mother to come back home suggesting our conditions had gotten worse and we needed to be taken to a doctor.

I was in and out of consciousness at this point, my next memory is of my mother shouting, _screaming_ my name, I remember that bumpy car ride from the house to the hospital which Was a five minute drive but because of the terrible road was closer to fifteen. My mother prayed in tongues until the car came to a halt. I remember hearing what sounded like her mother's voice _afar off_ asking her to slow down because of the baby, a warning that she ( _from all the shaking we were feeling in the back seat of the car)_ must have ignored. I remember worrying about her because she was only home for a week from Benin, where she was doing her Masters at the time. To me she seemed huge!. Her bump was a lot Bigger than it was before. _I noticed while she was trying to carry us one by one into the car 20 minutes before, the evil nanny helping_.

When we arrived at the Hospital, she was already in tears, nurses rushed out to take us in, that's all I remember. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later to find my dad seating at my bedside, I looked around for my brothers & couldn't find them, sensing that I was looking for them, I heard his say _they are in the boys ward_ and asked how I was feeling. I don't remember much else. All I know is a few days later my brothers were discharged and resumed school, I spent the next four months on that bed.

I had never seen my father so present and terrified, I had never felt so weak, nobody told me what was wrong but I saw the fear in their eyes, my brothers came to visit regularly, usually on their way from school. I'd wake up randomly to find my mother crying. I needed blood transfusions, multiple. My father gave first then a family friends uncle, who sometimes picked us up from school with his nieces was a match so he gave, finally our family Dr. who was dad's friend got tested and was a match and also gave, that seemed to be enough.

I remember random things from that time, the smell and vegetable and liver which became my main meal, the look on my Father's face, the footsteps of my brothers running through the hallway to get to my door first, the cards and get-well soon notes my classmates sent over through the class teacher. When I got stronger, I asked for my class notes and textbooks, it was exam time and I wasn't going to repeat and not move to the next class. _lol Ojone_.

That was the most time I spent with my father in years, while we were close as a younger child, their decision to stop her businesses meant he had to work more, working more meant he traveled a lot. As a lawyer in a small town he had to take jobs in other cities across the country, him being away for a case was a norm in our household, but for those months, i don't remember him not being by my bedside, it felt like he lived there. Who would've thought it would take pneumonia to get us back to being close again?. With my Mother pregnant and living in Benin city for school, it all fell to him to care for me. The doctor thought I needed an extra week even after being discharged to stay home and recoup before rejoining school.

That was the most fun he and I had ever had, we seemed to live in the kitchen, I think, he cooked, I helped, we ate anything we wanted, we laughed at God knows what.

I distinctly remember getting my Result for the term. Can't remember where I took the exams, I think the teacher came and asked questions at the hospital. I came 11th. Considering everything, we celebrated.

Its crazy how busy everyone is these days right? Even kids are busy. Preoccupied with activity. Left unchecked, your whole family could drift apart and before you know it, you're not really a family anymore. It Took another decade or so till we'd have that type of opportunity to hangout again. Funny right? All of that to bring a dad and his baby girl back together. That was my first near death experience. I know because I know. Jesus healed me.

Another 5years later, now in Secondary School, he was dropping me off _By dropping off I mean flying to Lagos and making the 3 hour drive to Ogun State just to turn around and go all the way back to Abuja lol_ , if that wasn't love I don't know what planet you live on. _Lol_ This was normal for us though. Except on this occasion, we almost died. The flight we were on literally started to fall out of the Sky. Mechanical error they later said. The flight was full, it was 2003 all I remember in the midst of all the fear and complete chaos was how clam he was. He was as calm as normal, he asked me to close my eyes and to place my hands on my ears and bend, I guess to brace myself for impact. I was only calm because he was. A short prayer later, all that was left was to wait. Maybe it'll be quick _I thought_. Besides Heaven's on the other side right? Best part, he was with me. After what seemed like forever of falling, in the midst of all the crying and shouting from the passengers, the plane just picks up. In the end, we were not to die that day.

Before the 2016 accident that he would later die in, I had heard the story of the car accident that caused his limp. He was falsely pronounced dead on the scene, his body hidden in the grass from the police by the locals on the scene to be finished off later. They blamed him for hurting some people in the incident. It was dark but By a miracle, triggered by his praying wife at home, the police shined their flashlights on him lying in that grass, bleeding out with a broken leg and insisted that in spite of their claims to take him to the Hospital.

Then some 20 years later a stubborn sour appeared on his legs. It lasted for years. It was hard seeing him in pain. The worst I heard was the that doctors had tried everything and as a last ditch effort where considering amputating both his legs. Being in boarding school, I think I missed the worst parts of that battle. And then again by another miracle, someone suggested a simple skin grafting surgery and they all dried up.

One day My mother was in a hurry to get home to us, because of the typical Lagos traffic, she asked her driver to bring the car home and took a bike home. Within minutes, She fell off in an accident, nearly died. She spent months with a difficult recovery needing physical therapy. And slowly relearning everything. Again being in school, I don't think I was around for most of it. I saw enough to be worried and was grateful God kept her for me.

Joshua, _Mr first to try everything at the house_ , _lol_ everything from afro-beats music to sex, well driving was no different. On our way from church one night the four of us and mum get a call saying he had been in an accident close to home at Kado. We arrived minutes before my father who was fuming with anger after confirming Josh was unharmed. he wasn't even supported to be driving that car, he was meant to be in church with us.

Several times during the years of the Governorship Election Campaigns In Kogi, we would hear of threats and rumors of threats, planned ambushes, gun men attacks with battle holes and actual tire bursting testimonies of near fatal accident.

Why am I telling you all these? if you look at your families, I'm sure you've got your own stories. Two reasons, _one_ , God saves. He does it consistently and throughout our lives until the end of your time. _Two_ it's important to love your family intentionally and fiercely. Nobody knows anything about endings. Anyone who claims to know, is a liar. God typically keeps that detail to himself. That's why it's always a _rude shock_. So save your time and money spent on spiritualists, instead keep your eyes focused on God, your family and your purpose. Through all the tales of near death experiences we encountered as a family, through all of the constant threat the entire world seems to be under. Do those three things and In every situation remember to keep your faith, it's what keeps us all going.

I'm not proud of the part I didn't play for my family in the last year before they passed away that Sunday. I wasn't present enough, I was preoccupied and not as involved as I should have. I wasn't as Thankful as I should have and didn't stay in touch as much. Blinded by my own selfish quest to prove and build something. Thankfully, because of all three of their efforts and non of mine, we all stayed connected. Even though we were physically apart, that was no excuse.

Take it from me, I don't care how busy you think you need to be. Get as busy as you need to but stay connected to your family. After all is said here, I think we stayed close Until the end. In spite of all the craziness, Work work work and no family is a recipe for disaster. All this can be a _freakin_ rat race if you let it. Don't wait for an illness or death to teach you to love your people. If you still don't understand, here's a shorthand, Take a breather preferably with family cos in the end, you can't take any of this _shit_ with you, make time for work, work to attain things but have your values in order.

iPhones don't go to heaven neither will your wedding ring or your favorite watch. All very nice, but all staying behind. Travel within your country if you can't go farther, explore another state, Tourism doesn't have to be international. Also, getting to know your own continent is a cool idea.

If my father cherished two material things, high on that short list would be his cell phone and the gold watch that I got him as a thank you present for my year in Millan. That and my fantastic result _lol_ but seriously these two things didn't go to heaven with him.

One never made it back from the accident scene and the other currently stays in my side drawer, carried around on days that I miss him the most. Packing up their clothes was the he most humbling part of that whole experience. It reinforced something i knew all along, Stuff are great, but they are just stuff.

What would it benefit us to gain all the cool things money can buy at the price of our souls? You can own nice stuff as long as your love for God is in the right place. Don't let them shift your focus.

You can buy the finest life has to offer just make sure your forever is just as glamorous. In case you haven't noticed, it's not if, it's a when.

— Hope this guides you into some perspective.
Family of Music

You know how some people always judge you for listening to " _worldly_ " music? ( _Church kids will understand this term well_ ), That was our family for decades. Well, Few weeks ago i thought, I refuse to accept that God did not inspire awesome songs like _Chris Brown's New Flame_. _lol Have you heard that intro?_

Before the era at the Ocholi household when our visionary, Joshua pioneered the listening of _worldly_ songs by buying the trifecta of Nigerian Albums probably of all time, _lol (_ MI Abaga, Wizkid's superstar and Wande Cole's albums) which he put in the children's car _lol,_ One of Blessing's favorite movies was the sound of music she always loved musicals. Till this day I think we all know the words to every song of that film. Every once in a while there comes along that one movie _no_? _lol_

We have always been musical. My father played the drums, my Mum the guitar and Josh played the piano. Admittedly not at the same time but still, they were our only instrumentalist in the family.

It was always one of my Father's dreams to have music be a bigger part of his family. We hosted a Christmas Carol at the house almost every year which Josh was basically music director _lol_ I sometimes imagine him on that piano wearing my favorite outfit I've ever seen him in. (A _burgundy blazer with a black turtleneck and dark RayBan shades_ ). I've never seen him as happy and content as when he's on the Piano. He could be lost in the best way, looking up only to smile a little, totally oblivious to his own genius. I'm always very proud of the seemingly little things he always accomplished with the engineering mind. He taught himself to play. No doubt he would have stumbled upon and loved coding and the programing world eventually. Never one to back down from a challenge and constantly finding new skills to conquer, he was our not so little wonder boy.

Music was always at the center of his living in someway a contagious love we all inherited. Growing up, melodies where the norm, Aaron's favorite pass time included turning mums pots into a drum set and singing at the top of his lungs. we spent most weekends gathered in front of the _TV_ singing along in parts, to video musicals, pre recorded concerts and our favorite Movies where the ones with the memorable soundtracks, _it's no wonder Disney was a huge hit with us_.

Our family Entertainment has very _filtered_ in the beginning to say the least. Except for the occasional _Pretty Woman_ , _Sister Act_ or every single Rambo Movie ever made _(with every even remotely sexual or profane scene paused and fast forwarded of course lol_ ) they kept everything was very PG 9.

The Parents insisted on a very short list of pre-approved content and for years it was all we ever watched. Things that made the list include _Psalty Kids Series_ , _Shout to the Lord Kids_ , the uber famous Disney Cartoons like _The Lion King_ , _Kiddies Praise, Doughnut Man, A_ ll Integrity Music Artist Music Video recordings, the full _Tom & Jerry_ series the News and I think that was it. _lol_ The most explicit content in the house was probably my father's _Rambo_ and my Mom's _Pretty Woman._

Every couple of months, dad would fall in love with a new Gospel Artist and share that love with us. He had a habit of listening to entire albums over and over on repeat for days and weeks until we all knew the words.

It was when we moved to Lagos I think that we had a wider variety in content in the house. About this time, he also fell in love with South African worship, it was such a personal, deeply spiritual things for him. Every Sunday after church he spent hours in front of the Television watching South African Worship Videos. I can't explain it but even now writing this if I close my eyes, I can see the back of his head sited in his favorite chair worshiping to words he didn't understand but was deeply impacted by.

Growing up with musicians births a natural love for it in all of us kids, my first year of secondary school was a blast, it is without a doubt the happiest and most settled I had ever felt in any school. The headteacher _Mrs Philips_ was amazing, I had interviewed with many schools before this but right from my _cinematic interview scene_ with her ( _that I love that my father got to see_ ) I decided on the spot I would go to Trinity College.

In that year, I don't remember how but a Senior Girl was starting an all girl singing group and I was part of those selected. She would drill us every chance we got with hours and hours of rehearsals. She wanted every single melody in perfect harmony, We were five girls singing our hearts out and sure enough, we got better and better.

We performed at different school functions, it was an amazing thing to have been part of. I was also in the School Choir which was a full on production. What I remember the most about the school, which I only came to appreciate after was the level of seriousness placed on preparation before each performances. Everyone had to do it excellently and we were all committed to continue until it was great no matter what it required. I love that I experienced that.

After leaving Trinity College, honestly I was heartbroken and just riddled with feelings of insecurity from having to leave a school I loved so much. I think I didn't even want to try anymore, I just wanted to lay low and try not to be seen. It was a bigger school so the crowd made it easy to disappear. I don't remember being that committed to music, I was known for having a great singing voice but I felt like I needed to hide it. Even though there was the opportunity, I probably succumbed to the popular opinion of not being so active in school activities. Except for sports season where it was to culture to be as involved as possible I was at this point really just _going with the flow_. At the end of the five years, I had gotten so good at hiding. This only worsened after I had to return to secondary school for a year because I failed math and couldn't enter University in the year I should have.

At University, now in an even _more_ crowded environment the singing was basically non existent. Through all of this hiding, my love for it remained, now not being so filtered by the parents, I was really having a blast discovering new Artists, Genres & Techniques but I just never performed again.

One day maybe a month to the accident my father called me in Lagos and

put me on speaker, apparently they were in the middle of morning devotion at home and he could not believe what he was hearing about me. The boys had told him about my singing and He did not know that I sang at all let alone being good at it. _lol_ I thought he did! but apparently life had been happening and I got good enough at hiding it, that he didn't even know. _That's terrible_. ( plus he never came to school events)

Do not get good at hiding parts of yourself and your gifts and talents from your family. If we were in a church, my father made sure to support the Choir, morally and financially and more often than that, there were always at least two members of our household in the choir per time.

Everyone one in the family is very musical, my brothers were known for their talents, my sister would sing at National Christian meetings as a child and made her first album before graduating high school.

No wonder our Parents had his dream they talked about all the time. They dreamed of a house big enough for all their grandchildren, A real family home that would have a studio filled with all kinds of Instruments and Equipments. He dreamed we would have a family singing group one day.

— happening.
Back to Happy

The Depression Epidemic is alarming across people of all ages and social standing today. Everyday there seems to be something horrible and unbelievable happenings all over. There is simply not enough happy people in the world. There's all the logical reasons to be downcast I'll admit that, but joy is not the absence of pain. I heard somewhere about the sad irony of comedians actually being very unhappy people and that the jokes just being exaggerated attempts to compensate for their sadness, while I don't know that to be true we all have to admit there seems to be a whole lot more unhappy people in the world right now.

You would think in an era of instant gratification with really quick solutions to most everyday problems, at _least more than any other time in human history,_ we would be happier right? _Wrong._ The staggering, disgusting statistics of the number of depressed people in the world is alarming, I'm talking enough to commit suicide. Shouldn't the level of happiness correlate with us increasingly figuring out better and faster ways to get things done? Or could it be that all the instant friendships from clicking buttons, instant relationships from swiping left, and a host of other quick fixes we all use have impaired us from making tangible connections, made us morbidly impatient, constantly in need of stimulation, increasingly addicted to being validated, preoccupied by being immersed in carefully curated reality of others which is very easy to mistake for reality. Which ultimately cumulate into a _cluster fuck_ of nothing being able to trigger a happy State? Everything has to be now! blink and you miss it!, could it be that we now process information differently because of over stimulation and information overload?

A tragedy happens and the instinct is to bring out phones and record from afar, to be the first to " _share_ " when what is needed is for you to be present enough to let your empathy kick in. Sometimes the effects are small, sometimes they literally mean life or death outcomes.

At first, I didn't look at the photos from the scene of the accident that killed my family because there shouldn't be photos anywhere _period_. The time you used to unlock your phone, take and distributed that _shit_ maybe you could have spent helping. And if you had stopped for a second and imagined it was your family member lying helpless, maybe the thought would have crossed your _wicked_ mind to protect rather than expose them. It's amazing how even in such a brutal scene the simple humanity and honestly, basic _ass_ training to do the right thing was so absent.

Have you turned on the news lately? Is there any news that isn't crazy and or fear filled? Has the whole world really gone _bat shit crazy_? After seeing a glimpse of the a channels _TV_ screen that day after the accident, I don't think I looked at another news screen local or international for almost three years, same for any blogs, I knew would carry those images. Not that I was traumatized or even surprised but because for the first time the business of news became clear to me.

In an ideal world, some empathy would have been shown, I'm not even complaining the thing was a _fucking shit show_ already, it's the way that world works so why would anyone expect different right? We're all so used to seeing the worst side of humanity now we are numb at this point I think. Wars, and bombs and refugees and jungle justices and murdered generals, rapes and kidnappings, shootings and pedophilia, _they_ say the "market" demand shows that these are what people want to _pay_ to watch and listen to. These are the news they say that _sell_ and money must be made right? so these are the stories that get told. These are the headliners, reruns and front pagers.

Let me ask you this, do you feel safe and secure or particularly more informed after watching? Enlightened in anyway? Relaxed and calm and even informed? Is it still possible to feel all those things? How can you? when newsworthy topics all range from bad to pure _fuckin_ evil?.

Have you seen the size of comedy sections on Newspapers? If you're lucky, its a quarter page with lots of white space, filled with flat lining jokes with lame political punch lines that nobody cares about. It's like you're not even trying to brighten peoples day. _lol_ No wonder the epidemic of Depression.

Depression and anxiety are now so common they are the normal. Sadly, young people _millennials and under_ are most affected by this. It the midst of this global _shit-show_ who can blame them?. And what's the _go to_ response? Medication!. That's right, Let's put money in another set of pockets to solve the problems caused by the other set, this is moronic and demonic.

Well, in light of what I've been through, I have come to this realization. Happy is a decision that cannot be outsourced and Peace is a gift that only God can give. You can dismiss it, drag it, roll your eyes all you want, don't knock it till you try it. I tried a lot of things. Sex, drug, drug induced sex, alcohol, shopping, nothing else worked.

Healing a wounded soul from pain and grief on top of dealing with a drowning world is something beyond any of us. Maybe your family didn't die but you're in an abusive situation, feeling neglected, left behind on the progress train, stuck on a _shitty_ job, being tortured by bullies or stuck in a dreaded marriage. Nearly every kind of pain added to the negativity that's now a normal part of being alive can be overbearing, An overkill, the last drop that tips the cup _fuckin_ over. I understand, There has never been a better collective excuse to throw in the towel and become savage _assholes_.

Before I reached that conclusion, I had to accept that your feelings are not meant to lead you. You've get to control that _shit_. Your gifted peace of mind will be easily swayed from one minute to the next if you let them. The human consciousness has a large range of feelings and emotions. In this _zombie obsessed_ era, I know we think there's only a handful of human emotions left but trust me google it, there's a ton and you go through them every single day. If you walk around letting hormones and chemical responses control your life, you're doomed. If you don't watch out for and filter the number of influences that control your state of mind you're royally _fucked_.

Repeat after me. _lol_ you do NOT want that. It's your responsibility to keep your emotions in check and feelings controlled, they are great to have but they shouldn't run the show, doesn't mean you should walk around ignoring or suppressing them all day. No, Have them, process them by understanding them, use that understanding to make your decision. You have a better chance of making good decisions and ultimately having better life outcomes.

Of Course not all decisions are based on feelings and sometimes ignoring them altogether is the best decision, look, it's never a science, decision making but it helps not being helplessly ruled by your emotions and this is a good formula that can be practiced.

You are in control. Recognize the tip from your "feelings" acknowledge

them so you don't walk the risk of being in denial and decide quickly how you want to use them.

— hope this helps.
New Student

By the time I got admitted into Secondary School, I'd had it with moving around so much. Moving meant a really drastic changes nearly every school year. My education was spread between nine different schools. Each one a completely different environment that came with a different _everything._ dynamics, people, teachers, rules, uniforms, vibes, the unnerving feeling of uncertainty, fear, the list is endless. The thought of actually having a new school is so crazy

Sometimes I wonder how different things would have been if I had a single school throughout. Instead I had to adjust, mingle with a new bunch of people find " _my place_ " and then watch it yanked away over and over and over.

Most of the moves where for my father's career there was no way around it, being together was important to him and each move was instructed so I know each one was intentionally designed for a purpose.

That's why sometimes I wish I had listened to the request of my parents to change my school again. In My second year at the Faith Academy, in 10th Grade my family moved again this time to Abuja. However I was so sick of changes I asked if I could stay. It was quite the ask and required so much commitment because in meant no visitations, nowhere to go for short breaks, no quick access to my family, long trips to and from school and all the cost it required but I made a convincing case all to maintain a sense of stability. I understand why I asked and grateful that they listened but every once in a while, it crosses my mind that things would have been very different if I had moved to a new school in our new city. Would it have been so bad to change again? I would have definitely spent more time with my family, Maybe would have been a day student and loved it. Like I said though. It's no use dwelling on regrets. I've met people that had one set of classmates for 15 years, I can't even relate because that wasn't God's plan for me. As chaotic as it was and difficult as the many readjustments were, I know it all serves a purpose.

Try not yo be so critical on your own journey. It is the building blocks of preparing you for who you are to be. It had fortified me in a way that couldn't have been taught any other way with the same impact as living through it. The courage it takes to face new challenges, adapt to new environments and quickly understand people was important for me.

In those very lost years, I remember getting to a point I didn't even like my own name, the hatred was escalating. I thought my name was impossible to pronounce and the alternatives was _ratchet._ ridiculous I know, but hatred is never rationally not even on yourself. I threatened my parent _playfully_ that I would go to court and rename myself. But we all know playful jokes carry _unspoken_ truths.

This _shit_ is realer than we admit, more people around you continue to battle these things in silence daily. Children with so much to hope committing suicide, people stuck on antidepressants, and all the crazy hate spewing out of hurting people in the comment sections of social media are more than enough proof of the level of deep pain and suffering.

I hope me sharing my experience gives you the courage to identify this feeling and catch these self-injuring thought patterns otherwise, you wont ever find true freedom and joy. More than anything that's what I want for you reading this, you know exactly what I mean. It starts out subtly but is reinforced over time from comments, negative images , reckless hurtful words and opinions, now fake realities painted online, whispers and random thoughts that become not so little, stupid gossip, all these things add up and cause immense deep damage to your mind and image of yourself.

Maybe yours wasn't moving around so much, maybe yours is being stuck in one school having to endure abusive voices and people. The truth about bullies is that their behaviors only mask the deep wounds inflicted from their own realities and these pain and insecurities they have, makes them feel the need to inflict it on others to make them feel better about themselves or at the very least make you feel as terrible. As you already know this is all fueled by _evil_.

Nothing good comes from that kind of source, It is your job to liberate yourself by speaking words to and about yourself that negate those negative ones planted. Your words are just as powerful to heal as theirs are to wound. Even now, there are still painful things being inflicted, it is your job to not let them get in. It's not enough to reject wrong words you have to replace them with positive ones that will uplift you.

For the longest time I outsourced my validations and encouragements but realize that it is your job to uplift yourself, and listen for what your maker thought of before creating you. Preoccupy yourself with information that feed you heart and soul. The bible is the best source I know, I can only share what I have.

Who knew at the end of all that chaos I would finally find, become and love her? I bet God did, but I couldn't see it. I am finally being Ojone Peace Faith Honey Ocholi and proud of it.

Guys, If I can be this _found_ , so can you, No matter what, strive to forgive everyone quickly because its more for you than for them, don't give up on freeing your mind.

— this shit is worth it!
A Poor Prince, a Golden Heart and The DIY Fairytale Wedding.

By the time my Mother was a young woman in her late teens or early 20's she had already lost all of her seven siblings. They died one after the other which must have been an excruciating amount of pain for anyone to endure. As if that wasn't bad enough her mother, _the only remaining ray of hope for love_ was in such an understandable depression from grief it lead to her being constantly abusive to her daughter. Physically and emotionally left Lonely, Neglected and rejected because of a misplaced transferred aggression.

My mother didn't really speak of her siblings in detail. She says she doesn't remember much, I assumed it was true because I don't know how much of my time with my family I would remember if I didn't have other people to remember them with. Her mother was inconsolable would inflect a verbally wound my mother every chance she got. Her pain blinded her from seeing my mother was still there. You would think losing all the others would cause her to hold her tighter but instead an irrational hatred that would come to define their relationship throughout their lives was ignited.

I couldn't have imagined the pain and rejection she endured, so I couldn't relate to it. Her father couldn't help he had other wives and many children he loved her but she was better off away from him. Without her mother she was a target of jealousy and mistreatment in his compound, no where seemed to be safe for her.

As you can imagine it made her take her marriage very seriously, she prayed constantly because it signified love and freedom and acceptance that was within reach.

Until the Accident, I'll admit I could not relate to her pain at all. How could i? who really could? Looking back I realize it was just hard to reconcile the happy and cheerful woman I met with the sad story she had lived. If she was a depressed woman it would have made it easier to comprehend maybe. She would be justified in being an angry bitter human being but Instead the woman I met was kind, loving, giving and always excited, never a dull moment, contagiously optimistic, lively and constantly laughing.

She played like a child and believe in fairytale love stories and romance, Dreamed of Paris and Spanish hot men with long _ass_ hair. _lol_ She was a fan of many Disney Characters and knew all the words to every song in The Sound of Music. _Anastasia was her favorite princess_.

She would say constantly and all it took was hearing her story and you'll be a believer that God found her himself and saved her in a tangible way that made the suffering of her past irrelevant in the life that she lived. It wasn't that everything was perfect, she was just completely healed and it showed. Her joy was infectious and her peace was enviable.

If their wedding was an indication of the life there where to have, it was pure DIY awesomeness. Without having much, she made everything look and feel more beautiful than it should. God's gift to her no doubt

Like most girls, my first ideas of weddings where influenced by my mother's. she kept her wedding dress and video cassette tape ( _GenZ will struggle with this. lol) that's what videos where stored on before the digital world really kicked off_. She was a spiritual girl, according to her, she knew even before he asked her to be in a relationship with him that she would marry him, but like most, she had a checklist _lol_ a request list to God on what she wanted in a man, I imagine again _like a lot of women_ rich or wealthy was on the list. Her reason? She had suffered too much, lacked so much and had to do without so much for so long, she deserved it. She wanted him to be older, feeling like she was often more mature than boys her age, she stood to benefit more from an older man. I don't know what else was on her list I only remember these because when she heard My dad was hers, she basically refused and proceeded to point out the obvious problem with God's choice _lol_ he was poor and he was young. Only a year older.

See, my dad was one of those bright star types of people. You know, those ones who everyone who ever meets them can tell that they will be something amazing in this life? You don't know what, when or how, all that's apparent is that great things are ahead. So after praying she accepted and he was her prince charming with boats load of potential _lol_ , armed with a kind heart, gentle spirit, brave heart, dashing smile, brazing tenacity, disciplined character, strong work ethics and above all a thriving relationship with her God. His potential was tangible, at every stage in his life he was in some kind of leadership position, at the forefront of just doing and shaking things up at schools, churches and different organizations. A common thread throughout his life. If he was a part of a group, he was involved in the leadership, While not always the case in all situations, sometimes this is an indication of what is to come in a person's life.

She had nothing but her convictions from God and faith in his choice to accept the decision. Sure enough he singled her out and married her a few years later.

Having a father who provided everything, I wanted and more, who was present emotionally and showered me with love and encouragement, it's no wonder I couldn't understand what my mother's life was like growing up. It was such an opposite to my upbringing it was difficult to relate. I empathized though and it honestly made me angry that she had to endure that. The ones who bring you here should love you and be available to do whatever is needed I thought.

Sadly for more people than I realized, my reality was the anomaly. For all of her love for fashion and style, she didn't have enough to cover her fees and needs, she didn't have a job and she lived with relatives, depending on who you speak to, rumor has it her mother made sure to send her enough. Definitely more than enough but how much of those funds actually ended up with mum depended on the discretion of her many guardians.

In spite of all these, all things considered, I think My mother had her dream wedding, the then 27 year old straight out of University with her twenty eight year old groom both with poor parents who didn't even want them to get married anyways. _lol_ no money in the bank and the babe still had her dream wedding.

Some things where borrowed, _lol_ somethings were new, She invested in key things ahead of her time like a videographer and fashion. Her wedding video played like a movie. She told the story in a way that made you feel like you were there. Complete with a soundtrack comprising mostly of her favorite band Abba _lol_ my mother looked to regal, glowing and grinning from ear to ear. She had a convoy of cars that resembled the one they would eventually have at third funeral. It was breath taking.

Always the different creature, her train was a deviation from the norm. She had no little brides, just two flower girls and bridal train of one. _Lol_ he wore a grey suit and she had the beautiful lace dress that fit like a glove and looked like it was a designer piece but on that budget? it is far more likely that she made it herself. She had a gift and training from slaying on her shoestring budget all those years that I don't think it surprised anyone how different her ceremony was. The kinds of Footage people now pay millions for, she directed and produced for herself in 1988 in her little hometown of Ankpa. suffice it to say, there was no financial help from anywhere.

A year ago, I found their simple yet stunning wedding invitation card. The copy will be inserted in here somewhere. It was so simple and honest. She was very proud of not just the wedding but the marriage she had with my father too. Thank God for the creativity and resourcefulness he gave her to see her vision come to life in spite of what they didn't have. She knew she had everything because she had God. Knowing the financial level her young husband, yet she chose not to pressure him for money she explained how having an apartment for them, paying his first rent in his shared office space and the running cost for the first month of his chambers was their priority, after which what was left, went into the wedding. Of course having a honeymoon was out of the question. _lol_ But they were in love and a team. The team needed to prioritize.

I often say, Have the grandest wedding if you're blessed to, If you cannot afford it, ladies it's just one day. Forever should come first. Do your best with what you can afford and start off your new life pressure free. One day when you're both _ballers_ of epic proportions, throw yourself the wedding of the century. _Prioritize_.

Personally, ever since the accident, I want a small garden ceremony and a nice dinner, besides when God is your Match Maker, even a house wedding will be the most beautiful ceremony ever because you're just excited to have God validate your love before the ones that love you both. Like Wedding check, Marriage, here we go. But that's me. Think we already established I'm not typical. _lol_

— A wedding is the first party in the Marriage. Prioritize.
Simple Start - His Plan, His Time, His Way

My father lost his father in his final year of Secondary School, being the first Son, he had a tough decision to make, go on to school or stay back to help his Mother. He said for him, his path was always a simple one. It was either Law or the Army. It turned out to be _law_. Much like him by secondary school I had definitely narrowed it down. I started out wanted to study Law because Everyone I met as a child said I was going to be one. So I entered Senior Secondary School in the Art class, Purpose met Passion, Law stepped aside for an admiration for Bankers and that would eventually give way to the love of Business.

I will always be grateful for parents who listened, I heard somewhere that as a parent, your job is to observe and listen to your kids and help them become what God has put on the inside of them, It's not your place to impose your preference.

When I become a parent, I'm grateful to have had incredible examples of love and support in intentionally calling out the potential of a child until it becomes a reality. Success is doing what you are here to do. Fulfillment and purpose is what makes money a complete blessing. My mother had a love for Education and Youth Development, two things she pursued and got a chance to apply herself to in the course of her life.

Looking back, I'm excited that they both died fulfilled. This is what we should live for, it really is the path to joy and fulfillment.
Sorry, I'm Sorry

You know, like most girls growing up my age, I had a very strong _Beyonce_ phase _lol_. But it was more than that. I was _Jay's_ fan as well. It was the combination that did it for me. I wasn't a rap fan unless you where on MIA's _swagger like us single_. _lol_ And then came _Young Money_ , but I digress that pretty much summed up my whole interest in rap with the occasional exception of Eminem.

For a long time, Bey could do no wrong in my eyes, the woman was perfect. Beyond the music, I would tell anyone who'd listen that It was her life I found so inspiring, the decisions she made, the insane levels of dedication to her work, and notoriously private nature was such a draw for me, the biggest stars in the World and you only know what the woman wants you to know. She is impressive.

Not to mention I _thought_ Yes! The good girl wins in the end, light and the end of the _mother loving_ tunnel _lol!_ and then it happened. If no one else will, I'll say it. I _for real low-key_ felt like Jay broke my heart when he cheated on her. It was the first time I realized I liked her so much because of the " _them_ " factor.

Since I was _balls_ deep in my own grief during the saga, i really didn't pay so much attention to the situation as I probably would have If this had happened in my hardcore years, I would have mustered the energy but I was overwhelmed dealing with my own aftermath.

I hadn't been online enough to be all caught up on the details but Recently I saw a photo on her _Instagram_ and caught myself thinking, _what a wise woman_ , that truly is love right there. Thank God for the genius idea for _lemonade_ otherwise, the entirety of the _hive_ would have without a doubt _Chris browned his ass to oblivion_. _lol_ but instead, involving the fans in her own creative way, in all the stages of her grief from anger all the way through to forgiveness and healing? gave everyone one heck of a free, visually stellar therapy session.

I don't know a single song off the _4:44 Album_ but He managed to remain Jay in my mind, because she made it ok. So again, she handled that as she does everything. Without a shred of doubt in my mind, Chris was on his way to be bigger than Micheal Jackson. The man _is_ Entertainment in human for, like is there _any_ artistic thing he doesn't do excellently? One wrong decision is all it took, and a chance at that mainstream legendary status is still suffering, same talent, different filters on the eyes people choose to see him through. Maybe We are not as forgiving as we should because true forgiveness in my opinion, forgets.

It got me thinking about apologies, effective ones. When normal people would have offered public apologies, these wise husband and wife continue on having private conversations with a global audience.

At the end of the day, you're only a spectator to their _shit lol._ You don't get a vote but you can watch. His apology was authentic and laid out on a multi track album. It's interesting to note that words did the healing, the right ones. They said they had counseling _that's also talking guys_. Men underestimate the power of words. After that, He then did the work to earn the trust he lost. I think this combination of the right words and corresponding action to fix the _shit_ you broke is what so many relationships lack. There's a running " _joke"_ amongst men that women talk too much, well, y'all don't talk enough, _lol_ so we both wrong. You can build anything with your words, even yourself. Some people have logged around wounds from reckless words some _idiot_ spoke to or about them decades ago. Hurtful Words have no expiration date unless you intentionally replace them with the necessary ones. If that _shit_ gets in and brews, it can cause real lifelong havoc in a person's life. With social media now, we all have three tongues, being Judge & Jury, quick fingers on a keyboard can be just as deadly as a gun. The level of damage that have been caused in people's lives is unquantifiable. Bullying is now a type of murder and the weapons are words.

We've all gotten those empty _I'm sorries_ right? Lets address that real quick. Dr Gary who authored the book on _The Five Love Languages_ , said at a conference called " _Spark_ " that there are also _Five Apology Languages_ did you know that? Since people don't like apologies so much I'm not so sure that this one would be as trendy _lol_. This second book is called _When Sorry is Not Enough_ , I have to say that is such a simple impactful message right there, The Title. It details things we should but don't do nearly enough when apologizing. For years I accepted the run off the mill _bullshit_ apologies of a particular unrepentant person, complete with very short-lived remorse and little to no attempts at rectifying the wrong done which just naturally built up into resentment.

Here's the only remedy I know, you are accountable for your own words. Words can be lethal so be careful with them. Be kind, The photos on Social Media have real people with real lives and issues behind them. If you are in a relationship, make your own rules. There's only one you and one of me babe, _lol_ there's no one size fits all ideology for nothing with us. If what someone else does has worked for them, cool. good for them, but over here on this particular piece of lawn, we will be tailoring things for ourselves. I love having a real example of that in my parents. She made sure of it. This _shit_ is custom made not mass produced, no other relationship is ours. And finally, Not repeating what you apologized for is a part of apologizing. If change is the only constant then for love and respect we can find common ground on what those inevitable upgrades should look like.

Men, open your mouth and talk, _first_ , it won't kill you, _second_ , it makes everything better. _third_ , it won't kill you. Besides, you do it all day already with your boys, might as well with her. Women, pick the right time to talk. I think the languages Dr Gary found are brilliant. however, on such things I find I often tick all the boxes, for instance all those five things appeal to me equally, I can't tell you what work mosts or least. It depends on a lot of things and in what combination you apply them, but then again, remember, this is me. _lol_

— honest words.
Prodigal

Have ever gotten in a rage before? Any decision taken in rage should be done carefully. I was livid, the kind of blind rage that theres nobody to take it out on. When you're in grief, you start doing and thinking some type of way and I really went off the rails in the first year that followed the incident. I was angry. Before this, I looked at heavy drinkers and smokers like aliens, my parents started drinking wine maybe in 2013, five years before their deaths, these people didn't even drink! didn't do the typical _fucked up shit_ most of the world did.

They were decent by choice and loved it. That's why It was hard to reconcile the life they lived with the deaths they died.

In college, all it took to get me drunk was a light beer. I had my first major run in with alcohol on the night of my Graduation Thanksgiving After party. _Epic encounter_ , yet another of my life's serendipitous moments. _lol_ It was my first time out of school in years, just as was arriving at the parking lot of the beach, this man who was leaving walks to me and offered to buy me a drink. Finds out it's my graduation and next thing I knew he was buying maybe 15 bottles of whatever he liked at the bar. Not cups, Bottles. We get back to my table, he sits for five minutes wishes me a happy graduation, takes my number and leaves. I was with three other girls from my course. He leaves us with a table full of more drinks than I had ever seen and only one of us really drank. _lol_ Then from the corner of my eyes i see a crowd dash toward my table, it happened like lightning. _lol_ People I had never spoken two words to in my four years on Campus were seated there. They rushed over so quickly all I thought to do was grab a bottle of whatever I could and just walk away. They had grabbed everything else, it didn't seem necessary to make them leave the drinks would have been wasted.

I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungry. After the service I had spent time with my family, making sure they got to the Airport so I forgot. A Can of Smirnoff Ice could get me tipsy. A complete rookie to alcohol at he time, I started to drink undiluted alcohol to quench my hunger _lol vodka of all things._

Lightweight Ojone proceeded to down at least half of that bottle so suffice to say _shit_ went completely left. _Lol_ I could have really hurt myself that night. I wasn't with anyone I really should have trusted, I was In and out of consciousness only lucid long enough to hear people talking, some laughing, others just staring, it wasn't pretty _guys_. I was more than wasted. I misbehaved so bad it's amazing that nothing dangerous happened to me. I was giving random guys my number, chatty, persistently asking for my _crush_ at the time, _lol_ the entire night went left, It was crazy. It was _A_ beach party, so just imagine the _shit-show_ on display in front of former students who'd seen you basically trap yourself in school for years, one night out! _lol_ and I completely screwed it up, all those years avoiding all social situations deciding after my first year that I wanted to sit my _ass_ in school and actually ace the _shit. Well,_ I had accomplished that, I just should've waited to get home to try drinking like that. Shouldn't have been there, it was unplanned and just over all, a bad idea.

Knowing that my Father's Campaign was still on, with the crazy postponements that kept happening that Election Cycle, sitting my _butt_ in school would have served me much better. I wish I had made different decisions that night, gone with a different group, eating something, turned down the offer for drinks, knowing I didn't drink, just anything other than the _clusterfuck_ it became.

Although there's no need for regret, I wish I can say that was my last run in with alcohol but it wasn't. Sadly. The reason I share this stories is because there's someone who needs to read and learn what not to do in a similar situation.

After the accident, I remember thinking, well, what the _fuck!_ did I do that good girl life for then? I could have _fucked_ around, smoked and drank whatever and at least I'd feel like I deserved this _shit_. Of course, the answer to that was obvious you should never " _be good_ " by your own strength and without the love for God being your motive. It's the only reason even remotely sustainable.

The extent and share volume of perversion all around today, only Jesus can help you do the right things. Doing this life without Him might work for a while but the bubble will burst.

Unfortunately, in my sadness I felt all those years of doing the right things didn't matter, that being "good" was pointless. Unconsciously I was choosing to literally do whatever the _fuck_ I felt like and was miserable doing it. _lol How truly moronic._

That's like, cutting yourself for being injured and expecting God to bleed. That's like jumping off a cliff because your leg is broken, because of religion and feeling " _justified_ " by my own goodness I felt entitled to a right to wild out. That was stupid.

Heres what we often don't realize about sin, if you ask why far back enough, you, ultimately arrive at the truth that He doesn't want those things for you because he loves you and is really trying to protect your _ass_. We're often too _stupid_ to realize till its too late, grace and mercy will keep you to fight another day but don't be deceived, there are very tangible consequences for the _shit_ we do to ourselves. Look around you, it's everywhere.

What I was quick to forget was that moving to Lagos was rough on my standards, I barely had a relationship left with God at that point, If you're someone who's never known God you are actually safer than haven known him and walked away. That's the most dangerously, destructive place to be because guess what, satan knows that you know God, you know him and are _choosing_ to turn away that exposes you, in his mind, you're fair game. God is very clear on who he is and what he likes, what you do against your body and mind you naturally suffer for. What you do against him? Well.

Completely unguided by God, I got an apartment in an area of Town. I told myself I knew what I was getting into. I was prepared to build from there and figured the building was nice and I could create the environment I wanted within my walls and I did. What I didn't see coming was that living in that environment would make it possible for this random stranger who lived in the building to have access enough to rape me one night. I will discuss in more detail in another chapter but know that, Everything went downhill from there.

After the funeral, being again out of communication with God was a stupid move. There was a lot of drinking and weed became a normal part of my day. That time taught me that, you only hurt yourself in this position. God is a dad through and through. He truly remains with you no matter how bad you try to shake him off, he's _always_ within an arm's distance and forever _eves dropping lol_

Don't get me wrong, you will get your dumb _ass_ burned for your _fucked_ up decisions. Rules are rules, he already told you who he. He's too just and wise to miss out on perfect teachable moments. The wise kids figure out quickly that self- sabotage to hurt daddy is never the way to go, just ask every _stripper_ ever with daddy issues.

The way to go _always_ is stop _bullshitting_ everyone starting with yourself, start having real _ass_ conversations with said father and get your _shit_ straight. luckily, unlike most _earthlings lol_ he will always forgive your sorry _ass_ and take you back in. I'm still wondering when people are finally going to get this one. Anyway it works for me through all of my _fuckups_. It's very human to screw up but its very godly to find your way back.

By the way, I never said He won't let you squirm while you work it all out, _lol_ considering all the _bullshit_ we all keep trying to pull off, who can blame him? wouldn't you? doesn't it make sense? _lol_ He _does_ have feelings you know, have you read the old testament? How would you feel if you had that one child that keeps messing up?

Next time you choose to do _shit_ he told you he doesn't like, and you fall flat on your face, if you do the wise thing and get that " _all is well"_ hug _,_ remember the prodigal son and how even though he got that welcome home party nothing was said about his inheritance. That part was up to him. That's that _working out your salvation with fear and trembling_ part we keep pretending doesn't exist is about. If You still doubt this, then I can't help you on this.

— Moving on.
Family Altar

Prayer is important for anything that is to succeed. Prayer is also a very intimate thing. My father and mother made the family prayer time a central part of our lives right from the beginning.

Our family devotions where epic _lol_ my mother made sure. In many ways, that was where I got fed because I was checked out or distracted at Church. Especially on holidays, I didn't listen to whatever was coming off the pulpit.

Remember guys, that as a Christian man, when you get on that knee to propose to that woman, what you're saying is you want to be a Priest to her and her children, you better take that _shit_ seriously. He's going to ask about this particular role. Also, If you're not currently doing this, and things _ain't_ like you want them to be for you? Fix it.

— He is holding you accountable, right from here.
Church Kids

Growing up in church is a very unique experience only the people in it can understand.

If your parents are in the " _leadership_ ", make sure to be nice. You make sure to build your own thing with God. You have to get to know Him for yourself.

No one can do that for you _kid_. Its do-it-yourself or nothing for you.

This applies to all of us. No one is exempted.

— None.
Loose Woman

Remember Portifer's wife?, She comes to mind when you think of examples of adulterous women right?. A queen in her own rights yet instead of giving herself the honor she deserved, she let lust motivate her into setting _thirst traps_ for her staff. I Wonder what would have happened to Joseph's glorious _multi generation altering_ destiny if she has succeeded. We've all heard this reckless talk ... _Men are dogs_ , _all men cheat, men are heartless..._ first of all, _thou shalt speak for your own man alone. Second,_ these men are _fucking_ women so what does that make these women?

Women have got to stop peddling this hypocritical, double mouthed, confusing, double standards. Some men be raising babies that _ain't_ theirs right now. The poor guy is either too proud or terrified to ask for a paternity test. Then there's the ones that see your money clearer than they see you. Makes a well laid plan to _"get"_ you and you too stupid to not be flattered that a whore is taken by you. She's _taken_ by anything _son_. Check yourself. Don't play dumb, its dangerous and God don't like _stupid_. better a principled asshole than a Moron.

For the record, Not all men cheat, men are Not dogs. As long as society keeps giving this gender a _cop-out_ by setting these standards for behavior and low expectations, they are going to be aiming low and delivering Low. If only you can really know what God had in mind before he created Man. Stand in front of your mirror and ask him to show you.

— Designer & Teacher.
The Price Of Quiet

Lets face it, _shit_ is bad because everyone lets the part that's within their controls happen. Rich and poor alike, we all know it and it's sad. An even sadder truth is as long as the Sky is blue, there will probably always be men and women who'll stand by and be silent, who'll endure anything from rape and assault to unspeakably evils, to demeaning treatments, molestation of children, covering coup plans, ignoring genocidal plots, literally trade their souls in exchange of saving face and looking good. All that in exchange for the lux life of nice purses and mansions.

That's why the feminist movement, i think is dead on takeoff because there will always be that _possessed_ woman, Who's aware of Mr's ills and will stay quiet for a price. Maybe they rationalize their silence as love or loyalty. Anything to ease the effects of facing the truth that it's greed, self-interest, cowardice, a little dilution and maybe even fear that leads them to choose to do nothing.

Whatever it is look up and see where our world is at. If you like it, continue, if you don't change it.

Every evil person ever known was able to carry out massively destructive acts in spite of the fact that they had families, with someone influential to have fought to stop them but chose instead to stand aside and be quiet.

Finally, about the event that happened in that Nigerian city where those four boys where publicly brutally murdered, I have one question. what were the churches there doing for those hours? Prepping for Sunday service?

There most definitely is a God, but he doesn't live in church buildings, he lives in all of us who would let him.

— Is he in you?
Skin Deep

In Milan the Summers are so crazy hot it probably feels hotter than Africa, and with my apartment must have been constructed in the _Pre_ Air Conditioning Era of architecture because there where no arrangements for vents or central cooling _or heating for that matter lol_. By July, It was insanely hot. I guess they weren't trendy yet but tenants in the whole building and others like ours usually had to get fans at this time. This was common practice.

Needless to say, everyone gets darker at this time, so I sent a Nigerian student I met who was going home for the summer to bring me some lighting creams with stronger sunscreens. The day she brought them, I was sitting with my Project Team working in an open space on Campus, the Team was very curious about the products, some of them had never seen any type of lightening creams before but had heard about them. _One about being in an environment with people from all over the world is that everything is a teachable moment on something for somebody. lol_

I can't remember who said something that sounded like she didn't understand why people would ever lighten their skin. without thinking too much about it, i sited that I didn't get why other people would ever tan theirs.

It was funny but true. Sometimes and especially on this skin subject, I think people just do what there prefer according to their convictions of what is beautiful at the time.

Like my _borderline body dysmorphia phase_ wasn't bad enough, I got into not liking my natural skin color too. I think I was trapped in that for almost a decade.

One day recently I looked in the mirror and thought " _girl, you ain't even need it" lol_ and just like that, I decided I loved my color and just like that, it went away.

The quest for beauty can be crazy. It's such a subjective thing because It seems to me that people are always reaching and aspiring towards their definitions of better. Which is usually the opposite Of what you have than someone else what's based on their own definition of it. _lol_. I guess (within reason) we all can strive for what we prefer to look like. I can't judge I just know what is now true for me. We are all already beautiful in the only eyes that really matters. All bleachers and tanners alike so pay attention.

— It's personal
More than a Job

If you ask most people how they ended up teaching, I bet it's told from a negative narrative like I wanted to be... but then.... _Think about that_. The school hallways and classrooms are basically a boulevard of broken dreams. It's tragic that we allow this because what _spirit_ are we allowing around the people in society though? These persons that complete access and the most ability to instill _dream big and imagine a bright future type_ ideas into our children?. Putting the most optimistic age groups with the most disappointed group is that really wise? What if we only employed teachers who actually want to be teachers? The transformation would be radical.

Don't get me wrong, the unemployment rates in most Countries make it hard to adopt this mindset but look at the alternative. This isn't to say that there aren't good hearted, emotionally stable, kind and fulfilled teachers out there, but from what I've seen and experienced, a lot of them would rather be somewhere else. I'm sorry, but the minds of the future of our Countries should be far too precious to be allowed around very influential forces that we all call teachers who don't want to be teachers. It's a very important position and should be filled meticulously.

I've always wondered why most teachers I had met where so forgettable, as I got older I realized it's because no-one had made any attempt to leave a distinct positive mark on me. Unfortunately, I've always thought that teachers have a higher calling than they realize, I've read books, watched movies and heard some successful people share stories about how teachers had been pivotal and instrumental in basically molding them into and guiding them down the paths that would ultimately lead to their successes, some famous examples are Alisha Keys, _both_ Bills, Gates and Clinton _lol_ , Oprah ( _no surname required_ ) _lol_ and American senator John McCain. All incredible successful and all credit teachers in Their journeys as influential parts to becoming who they became, celebrated the world over.

I remember thinking, I hope I'm blessed to meet one of such extraordinary teachers. It never happened. I wasn't disappointed but I was always curious as to why the ones I had met seemed to not even aspire to be those extraordinary teachers. They either just wanted to do the job and get out or they where unnecessarily mean. Now I know every industry has its issues, education is no exception but _cmon,_ I didn't even observe any of them try to be that to other students around me. Add this to the strikes that have plagued the Country since any of us can remember, and that's a crazy reality. I have concluded money has everything to do with it.

Their frustrations are understandable, It's difficult being responsible for building people up and watching them leave to find greener pastures while you remain. Whatever can be done globally to improve their earning conditions, I'm all for it. however, there are some among them who have no business being allowed anywhere near children. If you're _that_ unhappy with society, how would taking it out on kids help you?

These ones seem to be operating on pure irrational _hatred and jealousy_. It's always organized and targeted somehow. We all know these men and women. They're the ones that every child loathes. As difficult as it is to get a bunch of children to agree on anything, the fear of these people has a unifying ability. Except for that strange power hungry kid " _the sellout_ " _lol_ who is manipulated and used to hurt other students, basically everyone else in the school is on the same page except this kid.

They wear their borderline personality disorders and power drunkenness as badges of honor. They do their worst when the school management is absent except when you're really _screwed_ and the school management _IS_ the mean bunch. _lol_ That's a _royal-ass level of fuckery_

In that case right, because it's often your word against theirs and lying against children to avoid being embarrassed isn't beneath them, plus the fact that in these parts, Management is most likely already tipped in their favor, their plots are very successful. Nearly everyone has experienced that Teacher that's mean just for the sake of it. _Imagine growing up with a whole pack and an enabling environment_.

In my own experience, surrounded by so many rules was easy for me, because the rules made sense _for the most parts_. It's the stupid ones that I blatantly refused to follow but thankfully the stupid ones only messed with my style.

If you could ask my Mother, she'd tell you I don't do so well with being policed in that area. But absolutely! I agree I shouldn't be allowed to be in a _weird_ area with a teenage boy with raging hormones, absolutely! I should be in class when I should be, if you punish me for breaking important rules I'd take it, I'd talk, plead, play adorable and apologize to get out of it, when all that fails I'd just _suck it up_ and take the flogging, insults, punishments, whatever you say, you win. But if it's on those fashion things like wearing brown sandals when you know I'm in red house, _don't be mean_ , that's never going to happen. While we're on shoes, why can't I wear high ones again? How's that your problem? And no I will not be wearing that Christmas looking, green, light weight sweater that looks like a _kindergarten Class knitting Project_ when I could be wearing this fly, all black, weather appropriate, Hoodie with the fake fur on it. _lol_ I'm sorry, just not passing that up. Yes it's purely superficial and for aesthetics and a better color combo _but_! _Lol_ it's also more functional _._ your Jesus loving claiming self knows very well that That thing is _fuggly_ and does absolutely nothing to keep out the cold. So, it gets relegated to the box room where it shall forever remain in the packaging it came in and all because you couldn't be nice enough to pick something cool and functional. _lol_

Now on to hair, ever since I saw the former Ms knowles's hair on that iconic _crazy in love album cover_ with the crystal see-through blouse, My hair standards were forever changed. Now it's bad enough you say I have to wear them braids with no extensions ( _nothing against them, just never been my style)_ that's bad enough but every week you Insist on picking out the ugliest styles imaginable on the planet. _that's just plain sabotage._

I Wasn't trying to get pregnant either so we were already on the same page with don't let boys touch you, understood but who says I have to be _fuggly_ for that to happen though? I didn't get that part. Why couldn't I be pretty and stay focused at the same _God loving_ time?

The tight skirt and evening wear situations are both debatable but also y'all shoulda known better than to measure growing girls months ahead of resumption. Of course when them clothes finally came butts and boobs had popped out _lol_ and the wisdom of padded bras over summer was fantastic. _Lol_ so of course we were looking fly all day _errday_. ( _Bear in mind this is fly-ness by school standards but still, count your blessings lil girl)_

More than the rules & being mean and annoying, they seemed to be random and pointless. I can do and sacrifice for good reason but when I ask why i can't wear black sandals with the red color, I'm relegated to wearing for five years, and your answer is _I don't know_ or _because they said so_ , I'm sorry I will disobey you. Cos nobody gets killed if I do and you must admit I look significantly better. You can be older and wrong you know. that is a concept that was ignored everywhere but in my house. Being older doesn't always make you right.

You might read this and think this girl _na wa_ " but as I've established, We're all different ok. Wearing exact uniforms where just not part of my personality. It's never been, never will be. So let's move on. _lol_

To wrap this whole teacher talk up, all _jokes_ aside, I believe there are just some professions that should be treated less as professions and more like an actual service. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are fantastic teachers out there but like I said, I've had nine different schools across different places and my experiences where more or less the same. There were always the _nice_ teachers but they were the minority. We need more than that. Can't tell you how many times I've seen a teacher break a child's spirit all in a weak attempt to teach a lesson. What's the point if it's at the price of a broken spirit? You never know what these moments trigger in people's lives long term. It's going to take Combined efforts from all of us, parents, school owners, school review boards, educational accreditation bodies, security agencies, all of us.

I have a few suggestions, First We could all benefit from a new orientation of these people who choose to enter these industries. A better recruitment process, psychiatric, personality and aptitude tests, frequent reviews are needed, something needs to be done.

It's sad to me that Some people spend more time vetting a mechanic for their car than they would the teachers of their kids. These people have access to the parts of your kids that matter the most and at the most critical formative years of their lives. Your kids mind and hearts are entrusted to these people for the most parts of at least 20 plus years. Yes, you get to see them in the evenings but let's face it, we're all tired and checked out and that's if you're lucky to even be home in time to have a simple conversation with them.

It's no longer enough to say " _it's a good school_ " first of all, what the _fuck_ does that even mean? To the parents! Please! your babies hearts, spirits and minds are probably the biggest treasures God has given all of us. Watch, observe, follow them on Facebook, invite these people out to dinners, try to get to know this entity very well.

Thankfully you don't have to go crazy and know all of them on the same level. Try to concentrate on the class teacher for the year, the courses you know your babies don't love focus on those. If your work place gave you extra tickets to attention something fun like an event, give it to the teachers to go with their significant others. whatever, get creative. The point is to get to know this character. I'd start with the teachers they like then the least.

In the same boat would be Nurses here.

To the teachers, don't give up on your dreams, with modern technology you can do a lot of purpose fulfilling things while having a full time job. Please read books, invest in yourselves, make it a priority to find something that releases the pressure and gives you a safe outlet.

People entrust their children to you not to bully or take out your aggressions out on, it's unfair and wicked. Talk to a therapist honestly and find a way to read a bible. I'm telling you it's the quickest way to peace and sanity. If you hate the job so much, don't stay, for all of their sakes please quit. Quit and go find what would make you happy and just go do that. It's better than raising a whole other generation of intimidated, self unaware, tragically fearful, insecure people who don't question things and dare to raised above the hateful words you have spoken to them. You never know who's in your class, the next big inventor, business magnate, president, leaders of the Corporations you never know. People leave your classrooms but most times you never leave their heads, it's a power position to hold, I'm sorry you're not paid to well for it but still be careful and use this privileged wisely

And to those ones who abuse their authority and have institutionalized exchanging sex for grades. _hell_ and its _demons_ are the only ones cheering you on, you know why? They just cant wait for you to die and go over so they have a blast pouring lava and ice down your all your holes simultaneously. ( _It's not even funny_ ) I for 1, cant wait for you to get there. Unless to look in the _fucking_ mirror and snap yourself out of it, more than that, you should loose your job, resign, that line of work because this one's not a fit for you.

Find and apologize to every student you ever used and be ready to serve time if necessary. You chose to intentionally hurt someone so you should be just as brave to face what comes with it.

To the Management of Schools and Accreditation Bodies, there has got to be a better way to filter these evil people out of the schools, Its doing more damage than you think and also your son or daughter, granddaughter, nephew is entering the system next, that should keep y'all vigilant and up at night, if you won't do it for us, do it for them.

Also there's got to be a better culture, We built this one so we have the power to tear it down and build a new one. one that unapologetically disgraces bullies of any size, at any time. No cover ups! they are counting on that, they should get a nationally published announcement for their actions.

Not to sound too much like a tech advocate again guys, we need a teacher database where School Administrators and Parents can log in nationally and check out teaching professionals. _Now before we say Ojone be popping off on these people lol_ I'm just going to insert these definitions of who a Teacher is by the _Roycot Dictionary_ and let you decide the relevance of it all.

— A Teacher is a person, either male or female who instills into the head of another person with voluntarily or for pay, the sum and substance of his or her ignorance.

— A Teacher; one who makes two ideas grow where only one grew before.

This powerful position provides someone with the access to instill and make things grow in your children.

— Enough said.
Lazy

A work ethic, not everyone's got one, not everyone wants one, but we all need it. _lol_ I try not keep any regrets but I have a few things I would do differently if I had the chance. Things like seeing my father in court at least once, burying my family closer to where we live, _but on this one_ , in the middle of my worry about the state of the house where their bodies lay, I got a very beautiful reassurance from God that keeps me at peace on the matter. But sometimes I still wish it were closer. Getting more jobs on the holidays is one this last.

I'm writing to say, Dad I wish got a chance to work for you. Apart from seeing you in court it's the only thing in my mind left undone. I watched you all those years work hard and inconvenience yourself making so many trips for work. Constantly choosing to deny your own comfort for ours and others sakes, denying yourself many things and choosing instead to discipline yourself to sit and study. Shunning " _fun_ " to focus. with that came your excellence and sheer brilliance and for this example I am eternally grateful. You achieved it all without handouts you taught me by example, one I can never forget. Thank you.

— Someone said we were lazy, I still don't  
completely know what I really think about that.
Mental

The Human mind is very a powerful thing, believe it or not, there are some _fucked up_ ones amongst us that live and seek _and_ enjoy finding ways to control yours. In many circles, A powerful person is considered one who has other powerful Someones under their control.

The biggest cover for this practice is in my opinion is Religion. Sad, yes but this can be found all across society, Work Places, Governments, Parental and Romantic Relationships and even Schools. Someone likened the human brain to the most complex and powerful computer ever created. What you do with yours should be up to you. It is nurtured by what you feed it that's what maintains the proverbial _operating system each one_ runs on. To explain further, your mind is constantly being influenced by everything. You are always processing some information ( _data_ ) from your environment, the people in it, the books you read, content you watch, music you consume, food you eat, it all contributes massively. Other People's approaches are far more subtle than others but thinking for yourself and freeing yourself from " _innocent suggestions_ " can be very liberating. Thinking means taking responsibility for _shit_ but people don't want to because it's easier to be spoon fed. If you can't do it for yourself what you think happens when you make other human beings depending on your _ass_ to feed theirs? That's right, you'll have nothing for them and expose them to all kinds of crap, _a the nice way of saying you'll fail miserably._

God forbid you become a leader anywhere, your empty _ass_ mind leading people? Walking around with a chip on your shoulders because you feel like a fraud with nothing to offer. Let me relieve you of this silent pain, learn many things constantly and commit to learning until you drop dead. Another way is to hire people who know a lot _sometimes_ more than you, and you should be fine.

Mind control doesn't mean you're a good leader, it just makes you a bully and manipulator. A good leader welcomes opposing opinions, it they give a chance to get other perspectives and fosters meaningful conversations that birth better decisions.

This is why freedom of expression is important. You don't always know best.

Learn to listen most especially as a leader. This might come as a shock in this society but you don't have all the answers, and better not claim to. Also shocking, being older doesn't make you right all the time. People younger than you can carry the answers you need to achieve things.

Lies are one of the webs used in controlling people. Everything good or

evil, great or small starts as a thought. Thoughts originate in the mind. Dramatic as it sounds, all ground breaking solutions that advance humanity like the internet and all incredibly destructive actions like those of _Hitler_ all started as a thought in a mind.

See now why the human state of mind is an important topic? Watch what you think, be intentional about what you feed your mind.

I've been caught up in a bad emotionally situation so strong it would take me years to get out. Wrong ideas are suggested and you don't even know how you came about agreeing and worse, believing this very apparent lies. I don't blame this individual, I don't think he could help it. Its a lifestyle for some people. Also, he couldn't have done anything I didn't allow. He had a tendency to downplay your strength and keep you down without doing anything, was it him or was it me?

Be careful, these things start subtly. When you find that it's becoming harder to speak up & standing up for myself without fear, something is wrong. Genuine love is without fear. Don't let people influence you too much, especially when the suggestions are in contrast with what you've ascertained God wants for you. Pray and ask God to reveal and works of manipulation _from any source, can be Family_. You will should be subject to Him and in some things, him alone. When you find your actions keep contradicting your personal beliefs, search yourself.

You are not inferior to anyone unless you tell yourself you are. Don't allow yourself be bullied out of beliefs that you've worked hard to develop. Especially if you've ever been insecure. Mental issues & abuse are real issues we keep tip toeing around as a people. Denial helps no one, Address it and all the mystery disappears.

Sometimes the oppressive person Isn't even aware of their actions. If you've established a pattern, You can boldly Call them out on it and stand your ground without making a _fuss_.

I want to leave you with this thought. We are all too distinct to all agree on everything, that would make us Robots. Maybe just _maybe_ we don't have to agree to live in Peace.

— less stigma more solutions mentality.
Faith Instead

Fear is a very crippling feeling like hatred, It feeds on the power of irrational thoughts. A quick look at your own life _testimony_ might be all you need sometimes to find the strength and encouragement needed to carry on.

You've got to find resources that help you deal with anxiety, stress and fear and more than that, build a plan for dealing with these sliding thoughts that target everyone. Replace fearful thoughts with encouraging ones that free you . Steady faith in the face of all the chaos that's all around us is what is needed.

American born preacher _Steven Furtick_ has a great Book and Sermon Series that would do amazing things for freeing of your Mind from these honestly crippling thoughts that keep so many trapped. It's called _Chatterbox_.

I wish we would all practice imagining the best case scenarios and allowing that to fill our minds instead of the opposite. What a lot of people dealing with fear don't yet understand is that whatever your mind imagines is often far worse than whatever is actually happening, walking around in fear of things that haven't and might never happen, not realizing how paralyzing and what a hold the feeling has over your mind and actions is aggravating.

Of Course It takes effort and consciously catching yourself when negative thoughts get started. Just catching yourself at it neutralizes the power in fear and anxiety. Let's take death for instant, all of science shows that you know there is a 100% chance of you and your loved ones dying at anytime which is true for all of us as humans, it is a law of nature but it would be irrational to then walk around crippled by the fear of death right? because we've come to know of God's love expressed in His promises of a full and abundant life in him. The difference is perspective. As Christians, we know death is not our end, we know to be absent from the body is to be present with God forever. Once we establish these truths and let our minds comprehend what a promise of immortality that is, the fear of death wouldn't be a burden. This choice to believe and expect the good things, focused on the promises filled in our bibles, the opposite of fear. My favorite definition of Faith is that it is the " _Substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen".._ When you choose to hope for the good, Faith is what will make them visible. These two are distinct but easily mistaken. ( _Hope & Faith_)

I heard _Creflo Dollar_ say one time how worrying is a sign of pride because ultimately what you're saying is that, _I trust you God to take care of me But I'm still not sure about the how_. When he's already said ..." _Eyes have not seen, neither Ears heard what he's got in store for you"...._ yes this promise is based on the premise of your love for him, so if your love is in the right place, relax. Besides, if you're sure of exactly how he takes care of you, then it isn't truly _trusting_ is it? _lol_

Can I just say real quick, street sense doesn't work with God. You can never out _sense_ God. If you come at him double minded, he sees your heart from a mile away like your skin is glass. Lying and cheating won't work here _son_ , check that _shit_ at the door. Some of you, God ignores you because you are liars. So you look like the original liar, which makes you and _your case_ a waste of time.

..... _.If my people who are called by my name_ will do what? _Humble themselves... lol_ you are the one to humble yourself. Sir, no one can do it for you and He won't make you. That's not very _Kingly_. When you get in the presence of the king you humble yourself or don't bother coming.

It's not even enough to have faith _dude_ , you need focused, unrelenting faith in _and_ of God. .... _He gives to all of us a measure of faith_ and apparently a mustard seed worth would take you a long way _but_ its still left to you to apply it. Nobody can do that for you.

As Christians, in this times, joining the voices that amplify the problem when we have the solution... _well_ that's either very wicked or moronic and I don't like either of those positions. Before the death of my parents and brother my biggest fear was loosing my father. _Lol_ my biggest fear was loosing _only_ him. I hope that puts into perspective the uselessness of worrying about stuff cos you're never right about the fearful events. Fear is a terrible leader and decision maker. Don't put that guy in charge. I hope what you will find that no matter what the scenario, God is at every point in you journey, waiting on you.

— Faith is the Antidote.
Words

It's a known fact that There is power in words. We've all got that power to build and tear down with ours. I think our fingers have multiplied this power because what you type, those comments, that text, they are very strong and more impactful than you know. Even people with the thickest of skins have had painful words pierce their souls. Some people don't recover from the wounds that people have inflicted on them through hurtful words. It's our collective responsibility to be kind and speak in love and encouragement on and offline.

If you have nothing constructive or positive to say or type maybe consider not saying anything. It's not a " _joke_ " if it has the potential of hurting someone. And it's definitely not okay because it's "Social Media"

The weakest and saddest of people leave the meanest of comments, don't be that person. Rise above your impulses and do your part to spread positivity. We all are going through things, remember to be as kind as you wish people would be to you and your family.

Saying mean things offline are just as bad, gossips aren't harmless.

— Police yourself.
The Good Savage

I first came across this line of thought from a Sermon Series by Pastor _Steven Furtick_ called Savage Jesus. Now, at first, the religion in me was like _, what he say_? _Lol_ but after listening, I won't lie, that was the first time I _ever!_ started to feel like hold on, wow, I really I didn't Know Jesus so well and then I decided to change that. For the first time I realized that Guy wasn't some malleable or mousy or bland dude who just came to teach peace like them photos and memes online would have you believe.

He was Bold, Outspoken, Confident, a Controversial.

_Like table flipping in the church and saying things like Dogs can't eat the food meant for the Children..._ type of bold. _lol_ I'm talking _I'm going to keep writing on this sand, not because I'm "insecure" and can't make eye contact but because you sound really stupid and hypocritical right now and I already have your answer old men_ type of bold.

Listen God-Man came and spoke truths! without flinching and advocated change wherever

he saw injustice.

To get a real sense of this cool guy's true character, drop the King James, _kid_

Enough with the self deceit, no shame, English is your second language. _lol Read in the Message Translation. Life-changer._

— _This a homage to the ultimate good Savage._ _Jesus_
History and Country Love

I love the notion that I am as much a _waffi_ girl as I am _Fulani_ , as much _omo Eko_ as I am an _Ankpa chic_. _This mentality is very sexy to me lol_ and it might be just what we need to finally see the bigger picture and break free of the all the _Them vs Us_ stands we are so programmed to drift towards when times get hard or important situations come up for us as a people. These are branded identities from these four areas that paint a clear picture which resonates immediately when you read those words. We all have an idea of what I mean with those descriptions and I _fuckin_ love that because it means we know ourselves _well_.

In my opinion, I can be all of those things, It's Our country, _all of it._ Don't let yourselves be divided whenever it's convenient. That's a schizophrenic behavior right there guys. Did you know you can run for office in ANY State in this Country? Look around you, this is Home until you die. Doesn't matter where you live or what passport you carry, home is where your heritage is. If you don't work to build it, nobody's coming. It's DIY time with God as our architect and always remember that ultimately, Heaven is Home Base.

— L.O.V.E!? Power! lol

DIY is an Acronym for do-it-yourself.
The Hater Focus Group.

For the brave hearts only. (which we all should be)

Ahhh " _Haters_ ", _lol_ guess what, Everyone's got them. Even _The God_ Himself _!_. So relax _kid_. When you are certified awesome, ( _which we all are_ ), expect to be hated by some. You're simply not going to be able to please everyone, neither is it your job to. When you Identify this bunch, every once in a while, listen to your most articulate one, because _that bitch's been watching_.

His jabs are from taking notes, countless hours of it, you wouldn't want to have just one perspective of your work would you?. Listen to her criticism and my personal " _favorite_ " her complements _lol._ Those are the ones even he can't deny but he's so consumed by his hatred to ignore. He will _praise_ you and your accomplishment in a way that most likely exposes the one flaw you'll need to take things from 100 to 101 degrees of _fuckin_ awesome. _lol_

Smile, thank her, take note, go home and ask your team to add the 1 degree of awesome that slipped by you then send them a _Thank-You_ message after. They'll get it. By the way, the same applies to our new virtual reality aka _Social Media_. _lol._

— PS: know that sometimes they are inherited and also, the interchange of  
the pronouns she and he in this Chapter are intentional. Hater. lol
The Designer's Sketchbook

God is the Mastermind. A simple look at our Universe would tell any _dummy_ that. Have you looked at His Universe? _Like_ really looked? Everything is his taste and his design. I've often said that Steve Jobs's true super power is being able to churn out product nobody can improve on, _at least not design-wise_. Look at the shapes, and colors and material the guy picks for his _shit_. God's designs are even more perfect. Like what could you add to improve the look of the Sky or Stars or Ocean?. He said it was good and it is. _Period. lol_

I very recently read a part in Romans that God had said to Pharaoh, _A very_ _African_ _World leader over one of the greatest most advanced civilizations to ever exist_ ( _let that sink in for a bit lol_ ) God told that guy, that He had made him as a pit player in _His_ Salvation Plan. This confirmed another awesome thing he said that the hearts of kings are like water in a chalice in his hands to move as he wills.

— The Boss.
Broken Molds

When I think about broken molds, those _one of a kind_ people that stand out through out time, my mind goes to Marilyn Monroe for some reason but In reality we are all _one of a kind,_ there's no one like you. You're every kind of special whether or not you believe it.

God has embedded open codes in so many body parts, it is like the underlining punch line in the joke of misplaced identity. Identification is now possible with so many body parts like our eyes, finger prints, dental print, ears, face, voice, blood sample, hair follicles _Gosh_ how many more ways can a person tell you there's only one you?! _lol_

Over the last few days, I've thought of the verse " _let us make man in our image_ " that means we are all copies of Him already. So why you wanna go copy a copy? Have you seen one of those by the way?, a photocopy of a photocopy? Its always smudged and whack looking, barely legible. That's what you look like walking around trying to be anything but who you were made to be.

This _shit_ is serious. Miles Monroe said one time how the grave is the saddest place not because of death but because of all the undiscovered, untapped wealth and potential buried there.

Do us all a favor, while you're still with us, Invest your time in figuring out who you are and what you carry and get to using it.

_one,_ you would thrive at it with easy and _two_ it would be the most fulfilled and content you've ever felt and you'll be on your way to dying empty.

That, and knowing Jesus personally is the full prove path to dying empty and getting that well done you know you want to hear at the end of this _shit_. Thankfully, ( _and this is probably one of my favorite things about this guy_ ) everything you need to do to get where you want to be is already written in plain _ass_ English.

Here's a hint _ask_ , _seek_ and _knock_.

— That's the target. You're welcome.
Job Creation - The SME Power House

Throughout history economies grow when citizens fold up their sleeves and go out to create products and render services to each other and eventually export these products, services and solutions to even more people in other Countries. This my friends, is the only way out of an absence of jobs. No government in the world can employ all its citizens, Small Business have to be given the opportunity and chance to start and thrive. My mother believed the shift in thinking that is required on this subject starts when our Educational and Cultural ideologies change. Government interventions have to be SMART.

It won't happen overnight but it would be a huge start. Mandatory placements of NYSC kids with Small Businesses and Factories alike, as Interns and Apprentices and Business Schools being lectured my local successful Businessmen and Women of our Country, in my opinion will put a giant dent in this otherwise hopeless loop.

While our industries are growing, they could grow a lot faster if our budgets started to intentionally prioritize development in this area, as the solution to poverty and unemployment. This was the whole premise of the thesis she was working on before she left us.

— I for one think we all would have benefited  
from a Dr Blessing Fatima Ocholi.
Excellence Culture

Excellence is both a Process and a Result. Wise People and Companies strive for both. I Learned recently that Japanese Factories consider one hundred percent productivity rate the only acceptable target. How cool is that?

What that means is, they work to achieve _zero percent error rates_ in there entire production process. That is outstanding to me. This is the mindset it takes to repeatedly achieve excellence.

The standards you set for you and your organizations, homes, institutions determine what you strive for and eventually achieve. We could learn a lot from Japan.

— Higher Standards.
Millennial Political Awareness

Speaking out is easier than we think. You already spend your time, tongue _and fingers_ crucifying people all day though so since you already _yapping,_ might as well _yap_ for progress right?.

The price for silence is steeper than you know, quit staying on the sidelines and join the conversation of life. Get an original opinion, not one influenced by biases or another human being.

Think about things, ask logical and _illogical,_ emotional and yes even " _stupid_ " questions and then reach your own independent conclusions. no more garbage in, garbage out mindless cycles of thought.

Spend time on Research. Use History and Culture to put your opinions in context.

— I'm telling you it's the sexiest thing ever. lol
Imagination is a Super Power

Guys, _EVERYTHING_ you see, It all starts in a mind. If you can't see it, it _ain't_ ever happening. There is so much power in your mind. Can you remember being a child? how free and invisible you felt?. if anyone asked you what you wanted it to be, you screamed it with such confidence and no fitter telling you to get real? You didn't stop to consider what was possible. Well, crazy as it sounds, the only way to do anything amazing, is to throw them filters out the window and use your imagination to envision a world where you _become_. No matter the obstacle, No limitations of money, education, training, nothing. Anything is possible if you believe.

If you've read a Bible, chances are you've heard this a million times but your grown up mind won't let you accept it. Take off them brake pads and allow yourself to dream again and get around people who are crazy enough to do it with you and you'll be amazed where you crazies will go.

_Brace yourself, they will call you delusional, but Use it._ Everything great ever accomplished started in a mind. The one of a kind _Steve Jobs_ believed the opposite of the popular saying that " _seeing is believing_ ". He was convinced that _believing is actually seeing. lol_

_Of course_ The bible has only been saying this for centuries but Steve says it and it must be right. l _ol_ I'm kidding, he was brilliant. As on a lot of things, he was right on this one too. Everyone's got one, use yours with God for best results.

— "super" is actually normal. God only made copies of his awesome. Unless of  
course you subscribe to that apeshit, in which case, I can't help you. No one can. lol
Solutions Only

Things don't change for our Continent because we sit back and do nothing. They change because we roll up our sleeves and choose to be active in the transformation of our Countries. It's not the easy but it doesn't have to be difficult, ask anyone who's ever participated in that type of _shit_ ever in human history and their families, the _scars_ are there as proof of the cost of this call but it is one we all must answer.

I'm done listening to tales of _the problem_. I'm only interested in solution oriented conversations with people that are willing to do something about it. Thank God for twitter but by God we need to have longer attention spans.

Important topics have _gotta_ start outliving the hashtags. We've got to practice focusing longer on important causes that become more than memes, hashtags and a viral moments that get archived forever, buried by what's trending today.

I think everyone should have a cause that's important enough to attract more than a retweet. We all know people with non profit organizations, volunteer and donate. if you don't have money, give whatever you can that costs nothing, get innovative with it, like a weekly post to raise awareness or something, the point is consistency, real support not spurs of a moment. It's hard I know, trying to focus on more than the _fuckery_ of the week. If the conversation keeps changing so fast nothing really gets done.

The story of the African Entertainment Industry is a truly remarkable one. Built and grown right before our eyes, proof of our creative ability, Imagine if we ferociously set our eyes on other sectors.

The Nigerian motto is Peace, Prosperity, Faith and Unity. We have all of these in abundance already. There are no good old days, it's time to spread out and conquer new grounds.

Enough with dissecting the problems, every one is an _expert_ on that, from now on, let's focus the conversation on solutions, Actionable ones. Work to get them to those whose job descriptions it is to make and facilitate them and involve those who know what to do in and outside of these state lines.

Thanks to technology, them diaspora folk don't even really need to be "guilted" to move back anymore. _lol_ I don't blame you for staying. _Dude, the quality of life in some Countries are really incomparable_. Just commit to doing what you can from wherever you are without the biases and prejudices that keep us trapped in fear.

These are your homes, if we don't do it, no one will. _They_ is nobody. The future we get to have will be the one we envision and all commit to build together. _Ourselves_

The _thriving_ of Israel is an enigma, even to those who understand it. That is what the blessing looks and operates like. In the midst of unthinkable obstacles they thrive. The same is to be said for any people who set their minds and commit their hands to collectively creating and not settle for being created for. Building and making and not just importing, planting and growing instead of just consuming. Giving and not too focused on receiving.

Until we learn to respect the farmer as much as the banker nothing will change. I heard of the results of an agro research that showed that a large percentage of food grown in our country is wasted. Go Research more into that and make some money. It's not easy but it is possible. We just have to teach ourselves to believe that it is. Finally, the internally displaced amongst us need our regular help, donate everything you don't need, you'd be surprised what a difference this would make.

— God in the middle.
A Blessed Life

Since the deaths in my family, the people in Government in my Country went above and beyond to make sure we were ok. Strangers made arrangements for things we didn't even know we needed, so now as a recipient of such scales of kindness, I know what that feels like and I want to be able to intentionally give.

In this area, God is working on me daily. I was raised by givers. She would literally take in people from _anywhere_ , they'd live with her for years, go to school from her house, be sponsored by her husband. A lot of times, she's never met their Parents. Once she met them on the girls wedding day. _lol_ I cannot even explain how many people passed through her home like this.

Even though that had its own difficult effects on our family dynamics because after a while, it does take a toll on the quality of time actually being spent together as a family Unit. I now understand her heart though, some of these young people where from difficult homes going through impossible situations similar to hers that she must have seen a little bit of herself in their individual stories.

In the wake of the accident, I remember wondering where my siblings and I were going to live, afraid that we might have to split up. When we got the promise of the house I knew it wasn't because of anything I did. All those years of sacrificial kindness they sowed, housing children of people they had never met I can only believe it was an investment that yielded this outrageous kindness we were now enjoying.

Blessing was that woman in church that'd notice who was consistently wearing the same faded Ankara and worn out clothes with holes in them and would package two of her own and give the next week. She was the woman who would collect the phone number of that woman who she saw at a church women's meeting with the sickly looking child and actually remember to call her within the week and get money to her to get the kid checked out.

She had an allowance because _my father couldn't trust her not to just give and give lol_ so he had to keep a really tight rein on the money thing. I think he found more of an ally in me when it came to budgeting. _lol_ We had a family joke of mummy's purses having a _gaping holes_ in them. _lol_ When she goes out with money, she wont know where it all went but it will be gone by the time she got home. That's how giving she was.

We had " _uncles_ " and " _aunties_ " but had no idea what states they were from, So she didn't choose based on tribe or culture. Although I don't feel like she did it recklessly in a way that exposed us to hurt, sometimes I thought she did too much. I also noticed that it wasn't because she had too much to give, she just knew the importance of it and made sure to prioritize that as her family culture. Generosity shouldn't just be out of plenty, The little you have is more than you know. My father only _pretended_ like he was _better_ that her at such things _lol_ even though he didn't give as frequently as her, he's been known to give bigger _shit_ like cars and randomly too, so painfully sometimes. _lol_

One time, He gave away this car that looked like a race car to a younger guy at church, when I say both my brothers had their eyes on this thing, _lol_ and because he doesn't announce these things we were all surprised. The boys were so upset and disappointed but that's never stopped them two from giving things away. These were our incredible examples of generosity and selflessness. _lol_

After his death, we had several people come up to us to say all the things he had done for them, many we had no idea about from individuals and organizations. Everywhere we go his testimony is the same. One of goodness and a kind spirit. I had never heard of the organization whose new building they went to commission in kaduna, they one the died coming back from that day but it didn't surprise me because that is who he was. We've heard a lot of things since that made us very happy and proud of the life they had both lived.

Being raised in that environment definitely rubbed off on us. I see the very same empathy and understanding of people's lack in all of us. We didn't always have a lot we shared rooms with total strangers, watched him work to feed and support a crowd of _strangers_ he didn't have to.

My Mother gave out my favorite dress one day as a little girl, upon returning from school she was telling me with this gleaning smile and I remember calling my dad at work right away. Ten minutes later, the happy recipient of her kindness walked back with my dress in hand _lol_. _Now you're probably thinking why this story here girl_? _lol_ It's important to note that just because it was my favorite, didn't mean it was still my size. My mother did me a favor I was too selfish to do myself.

Everyone of us have those things we convince ourselves we need and keep while watching someone who actually does go with out. Giving is integral to receiving in God's book. That was _not_ my brightest moment of character guys _lol_ but she was a ferocious giver, My Mother, thank God for her. Within a few months I finally snapped out of denial and gave the exact same dress away. The point is, sometimes we need a nudge in the right direction to do the right things. Let's all commit to being the nudger and the nudged when it comes to giving and helping out the needs around us. Money is great but knowledge and a good word can also help, whatever it takes to move us forward, let us do it.

So for our family now, whatever we can we do, is wha we will. There is a sense of responsibility to a country that went to such great lengths to take care of the Family of a man who only served for five Months. There is also _thankfulness_ to God for using the people that he chose to shift our focus because those who were used weren't those we expected he would. As a family, we no longer judge ourselves for how God made us, It is that way for a reason, I am very proud about this family trait and hope that we have more opportunities to continue this heritage because we are probably the biggest recipients of kindness we know of.

There are so many people around us all, daily with all sorts of needs, Orphaned children, disabled baggers someone was upset about them being on the streets begging the other day, have we asked what their options are? If they don't someone they know dies. So they sit on road sides looking hopeless completely unsure of where any help would come from. There are no Functional specific social service systems, no government payoffs, no homeless shelters or soup kitchens so it is an impossible situation to be in. Leadership is about service, service is uncomfortable but necessary. Generosity is easier when you have much, let that drive you to get more. We are all blessed to bless others, think of yourself more as a pipe and not a bucket. Do it whether you have a little or a lot, This is more than money.

Use your influence, your voice, contacts, Image, following , physical things, donate that 10th house you don't use, sell that 15th car that's covered in dust, use your time, lend your social media feed _for free._ Do anything you can to support the people already doing the work if you cant run and organize things yourself. Find credible organizations doing tangible work and support. My father and I did this a few times. We went to orphanages to give and just spend time. Together we will achieve more.

— this is important work
STEM and Girls

Somewhere along the way someone _fucked_ up math for me. _lol,_ I used to ace it without even thinking about it. Till this day, I don't know how I lost that confidence and or interest but its sad. I remember it becoming that _boring_ class that I dreaded. So maybe that's it, our teaching methods for these subjects need to improve. Maybe there's a cooler, funner way we haven't found yet. I want to see young girls learn cool things like Computer Programming in Schools. Guys don't slip, coding are the future.

We need to encourage more young Africans into these fields. Girls, you can be fabulous and a nerd _hallelujah! lol_ , there's no reason why you can't be both. Thanks to the producers of the Movie _Hidden Figures_ for revealing the contributions of those women, bright lights covered up for many years, _you know why though_? Because many _Somebodies_ where afraid of what their accomplishments would have sparked in the hearts of other women at the time, a restriction we no longer have. _Thank God._

Now we know there are many more girls who've done and are doing these great things in these fields. Stories like that need to be going viral. Girls, if you love numbers, get online and learn from everywhere. We need you. It's not about being better than the boys it's about the unique perspectives we bring to everything. Let's not lose out on that anymore. There are no more excuses.

— leggo

**STEM** is an acronym for "Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.
Purpose to the Pain

Like most young Africans from other parts of the continent, I was very far removed from the realities of the hard history of the South African country. One day as a young girl, I watched a documentary about _Nelson Mandela_ for the first time, I learned his birthday was 18th July and I remember asking my mother why nobody super great ( _in my eyes_ ) like Mandela _level_ great was born on my birthday _lol_ and she laughed and said, well, maybe its you. That's the point isn't it? The next great person in history could be you.

His greatness is celebrated all over the world and the impact of his sacrifices are still felt today in that Country. The boundaries he broke, the hardships he endured, all that ridicule must have been unbearable. The years spent on that journey of purpose must have been impossible. Have you looked at that Country today though? Still Not perfect but a far cry from what it was. Progress has been made. Young black people now have a voice and _previously unthinkable_ opportunities, a truly blossoming place, It is beautiful to watch. How amazing it must feel to see that it wasn't for nothing. The selflessness that it cost one visionary paid off for people unborn.

I heard a story of a young _Sheik_ with the dream to turn his small desert country into the wonder that it is now, the highest tourist economy in the world, built from the bravery to dream and selflessness to be first. Sometimes It's not easy to do something legendary, But it is always worth it. Not just for you or even your family. It's bigger than that. These countries and the entire people forever changed because these people dared to step into their purpose.

What are you here for? What's the responsibility you are uniquely positioned to accomplish? There will never be another them but we have you. Who knows what other great thing will be birthed? Destinies forever changed because you existed? Because they have, they've shown you that you can.

If you've ever been through anything painful it is to remold and refine you. Trust and believe there is a purpose of them and be prepared to share it when the time comes. We hear about pain so much we developed the ability to shrug it off, at this very moment there are millions of refugees and needy people around you. This in my opinion is the biggest motivation to aspire to and achieve things that are bigger thing.

We are not designed to be Immune to the suffering of others, Is it possible that we seem to be now only because we are over exposed to this single narrative? Find the good news within you and share it.

— "It is always impossible, until someone does it."  
Mr Mandela
Lessons from My First Venture - CleverMash

My father had a real interesting parenting style. He was firm but collaborative, He consulted you on some decisions and outrightly made others for you. Starting my first business right out of school was one of those i made for myself. I loved that He was nurturing enough to sit through awkward Doctors visits with you and humble enough to admit when he's not in the best position to teach you something important and has no problem getting you to the person who can. ( _Plug The Bishop_ )

When I asked why he insisted I attend Covenant University for my undergrad his response was simple..... _"The man can teach you about money and there are so many rules so you will definitely not get into trouble.._." _lol_ As many first born children will attest, my drive to make my father proud was insatiable. It simply influenced everything. Knowing that, being suspended or expelled was out of the equation for me. Already I had figured out from high school that fashion could get me in trouble, so I was determined to stay out of trouble at all costs and graduate on time and in flying colors. No easy _feat_ considering I was a beautiful teenager desperately craving freedom, yet surrounded by tones of rules which _lets be honestly_ most times only glamorize very otherwise boring activities that you'd discover aren't even remotely enjoyable in the first place.

The plan was simple, Keep fashion as basic as possible. Thankfully, the school dress code made it easy. Shirts in any print and color I liked, Pants lots of dark colored Pants ( _never in print_ ) one or two skirts, jumpsuits _never_ ,( _nice ass girl problems lol_ ). I had a couple of Blazers, different colored handbags and shoes ( _heels alway_ s) and that was my whole uniform for 4 years. I shopped every semester, but kept the exact formula _lol_ I got so good at it even when I got home, I just dressed the same. I Figured holidays where only a few months and I had the same rules at home anyway so why shop for more _casual_ clothing when i won't go anywhere but church and the occasional other place. _lol_ I would shop to my heart's content when I graduated was the plan. Simple enough. Full proof for staying out of trouble, worked 90% of the time, the other 10%, I talked my way out of any incident, _you know_ the occasional skipping church services and public lectures mostly. But other than that I was obedient. I didn't date because it wasn't allowed, didn't even give myself any opportunity to, I basically spent the free time after lectures in my hostel on purpose, Made complete sense to me, follow my logic here... There was this _wonderful_ idea by God knows who, to have a van driving around campus plus some other group members of a Unit on foot basically looking, scouting for who to _accost,_ embarrass, report, and present before an eager disciplinary panel and potentially get expelled or suspended depending on the severity of your crime. _lol_ I basically _needed_ and developed a winning strategy to combat every possible troublesome situation.

If you where popular, trouble followed I learned that from secondary school, standing out is how you get famous so I did the opposite. I stuck with _low-ke_ y people and didn't expand my circle until much later. I hade new roommates every year but apart from those girls and those on my floor, I hardly made friends.

Honestly my strategy was refined over time, but almost flat lined in the first year. I started out going out " _legally_ " for parties and every time I went out something _batshit crazy_ would happen. seriously, I'm talking From dangerous cases of nearly being raped to almost being kidnapped, or narrowly missing a riot _just crazy stupid shit_. So after a year of _free styling_ the social aspect of my plan and thanks to one very timely break up I Finally made the much needed decision to kill my social life and I stuck to it.

The school had a very peculiar set of rules we had all signed up to keep, Apart from the infamous one for the dress code, I think going out of school with or without permission was the single biggest trouble magnet in my world, and I'm glad I closed that door and focused on what mattered. Thankfully, i had laptops for entertainment plus since i hated the _hassle_ of leaving that compound anyway, it worked out great.

Very high up on the list of potential trouble magnets with unbelievable stress levels was called the " _pairing_ " rule. If you're guessing it, you're right. _lol_ Dating was prohibited. What sold me on this personally was that after a year of being there, I observed that nearly all on-campus relationships between students did not last. They just didn't. I always felt like there was something a bit pretentious about the whole environment, it was a basic necessity for survival. Faking things.

I was lucky to have come from a family with the exact same rules. my curfew was even earlier at home, but for most people from homes with more freedom, I imagine what an adjustment It must have taken to fit in there. Plus, I had the added advantage of haven been in that exact environment five years prior already for secondary school and both institutions ran very similar systems. That was a blessing that came in handy _man_.

In my mind, Covenant was a breeze, _that was more freedom than secondary school guys. lol_ many times I meet people and the reaction is the same, they say things along lines expressing that they think I've somehow missed out on some essential part of "growing up" and experiencing "life" by going there. I smile because Covenant was very similar to the general vibe at my house. in fact, my curfew at home was a few hours earlier _lol_. So I don't feel like I missed out. To me, that was freedom. What I observed though in that environment is that People were rarely themselves because they couldn't, plus there was such a range of kids from all social standings and backgrounds, the super wealthy mixed with the financially struggling which made for all types of interesting characters and scenarios. Yet you couldn't tell at face value because everyone was so well dressed.

Fashion was important almost everyone looked spectacularly and put together which I loved however, there was something about the rules that just encouraged this very filtered reality, that encouraged inauthenticity which showed up the romantic relationships I saw. As a consequence, they typically fell apart when exposed to the real world situations which was sad to me.

No matter how good they seemed to work on campus, once they graduated word would spread they were done. This observation i think made it easier for me to choose to really focus on my academics and just not even be social enough to get into one. Add that to my heart being freshly broken after such a draining long term _situation-ship,_ it was a smart decision for me in every way and I'm glad that ended up paying off.

What was the point of getting involved with a boy no matter how cute ( _and they were so many cute guys by the way, extremely good looking boys in the place it was unreal omg lol_ ) and get into trouble only to get your heart broke. Wasn't worth it to me. I had a crush here and there but ultimately nothing. Risking getting caught and all the drama of public humiliation and then being sent home?! The mere thought of not graduating as planned create sheer anxiety. _lol_

Failing at getting into University that first attempt because of math was the most humbling experience for me and I'm thankful to have learned from that early. At secondary school, My determination to perform well academically was kind of overtaken by my need to fit in and be popular, that situation kind of woke me up to get my priorities straight again and I've remained very grateful for it.

My intellect used to be a huge part of my identity and fueled my confidence for sure, so _flunking_ a key subject in both nationally accepted examinations and getting the same rejection as people who failed the entire exam _pissed_ me off but ultimately it was a great lesson for my ego that taught me a lot about a lot.

One thing you potentially learn at Covenant is ambition. It's just really easy to catch a bug for doing big things, it's everywhere you look. People all aspiring to big things, it's such a cool opportunity to be inspired in a very tangible way. As crazy as the laws seemed, anyone who accepted to and learned in being influenced by the many learning moments on that campus, _most of them imparted by the founder himself_ I guarantee is infected by the quest to live a purpose driven life of Entrepreneurship.

I think this model was so effectively transferable in that environment because it was a goal of the founder and he embodies it completely. My wise father knew this, so he sent me to be _fathered_ in a way he felt he couldn't.

Even Before graduating, I told my parents I was going the Entrepreneurial route. Right after my Masters wrapped, my options where go do an internship in fashion in New York or come back home and start a business. I chose the later.

Starting Clevermash was a whole new world for me, looking back, maybe I could have benefitted from first taking a corporate job for a good few years of experience and learn first hand the structuring of any operation before starting. I was convinced that the market was _ripe_ for my idea for an Ecommerce Fashion Store. 25 years old with big dreams, my drive and my family's support in my head, I was invisible _at least I felt I was._

In spite of all the _many_ challenges, months after returning from Milan the plan was motion. I had designed and manufactured our first collection in Vietnam, built a website and secured other distribution plans for the brand. I did everything alone. _lol_ I was a very overworked one woman army handling things from design to order processing, sales, marketing, editing, uploads, branding, managed our social media, managed inventory, everything. i had many sleepless nights and lived on a poor diet with stress levels so higher than I had ever experienced. I needed help but didn't make enough to hire just yet. I ran that format for a year from our family house. Doing a project at such a scale was a mammoth task to take on alone but it was fun.

Within the first six months, I recruited and fired two people in Abuja. they just didn't work out, ultimately deciding the That team I needed was in Lagos, I moved. I Found a small apartment and an office. The move compounded the stress levels, i was always complaining and about it all to family but at the same time feeling really blessed to be building my dream. The next phase of the plan was simple, hire people, break even, then one normal Sunday, It was gone.

The accident happened and I never went back to my office, not even to clear it out. I gave out almost everything related to that business away. Maybe it was too hurtful to have the inventory back. That _shit_ really did vanish before my eyes.

Just A few weeks later, I was seated in the center of a shared office in a Government Organization. I had just buried half my family so needless to say, running a business would have been a terrible idea at the time. I was very blessed and fortunate to have been given the job. And for this I am forever grateful to my Country and the people God used to make it happen.

Talk about life change. Just try to think for a minute what it would feel like to lose your family and your dream in one day. The multi layered shock and staggering amount of change that occurred in those two weeks made it impossible to believe. I was quiet for the most part at the new place. I had music blasting in my ears to isolate me enough to think, learn and pray. I had nothing to say. There was nothing to say. This was my new reality, I had gone from CEO sitting in an office by myself for a year to being around people from everywhere in that short time.

Over the next almost three years that followed, I had time to think about where the company was headed before the incident. How the venture was doing and the activities that were about to happen like recruiting staff.

After my Masters I was hyped! _lol_ , I was going to come back and do my part to move things forward for not just my Country but for Africa. As grandiose and as that sounds, I think it's the level of delusion that is required to buy into and accomplish any great thing ever built. Every crazy great idea about solving crazy big things started out with someone's outlandish crazy idea, faith and courage.

Think bout those crazy European men who first dreamt of discovering new Continents, the Men and Women who have dedicated their lives to attacking big issues, the sheer _guts_ it takes to start and build the Googles and Amazons of the world. They all started with _ludacris_ thoughts.

So here I was with an opportunity to move to New York and start a career in fashion. It's what my Mother thought I'd choose, instead I felt strongly led to move back and get to work and then this _shit_ happens. _lol_ I have since accepted that if it's not good its not God. There is more road to this journey. I can either stay or do it again, this time in obedience so, His way.

Three months after starting Clever, I quickly, realized everything was more challenging and required out of the box thinking, I had to constantly figure out every aspect. In spite of my education and training, facing unpredictable scary scenarios are a part of starting a business. it's part of the building process. The earlier you figure things out the better.

For first time Entrepreneurs reading, Here a some no _bullshit_ lessons from running

www.clevermash.com

\- Have a working Plan and practice your Pitch

\- Family is your biggest support system

\- Don't Complain

\- Have a budget for everything

\- Separate your bank and social accounts, pay yourself a salary.

\- Figure out your process from the start, refine it as you go.

\- Be bold, go out and sell yourself, no one can represent your idea like you.

\- Prioritize communication, customer feedback is gold.

\- Get to know your customer.

\- Think Community, if it doesn't exist, build one. Since many industries in these parts are still developing, consider every challenge to be overcome as stride that you'll need to make for the advancement of the Industry. We need Unions and Associations for these relatively new areas of industries like an Association of nail Technicians, makeup artists of Africa or something lol.

\- Free yourself to think outside the box. Sometimes, an Orthodox solutions might be the best way.

\- If at first it doesn't work, try again.

\- Never blame God. If you're honest, the screw up was yours.

\- Insist on standards early and in everything.

\- Fail fast. Forgive yourself and keep it pushing

\- Help won't come from where you think and neither will purchases.

\- You are not alone. Entrepreneurship can be lonely but God's in it with you.

\- Get centered and stay clear on your goal.

\- Spectators, everyone's got them. Not everyone is going to be involved.

\- Hire good people as soon as you can.

\- Don't be driven by money first.

\- Be confident

I hope these help you, i want to wrap up this topic by sharing that three months before the accident my mother asked me told me God had asked her to ask me what His place was In my business, that was a sign I wasn't involving him as I needed to. Pridefully, I asked her what He meant by that and that, and said if I was really his daughter, he should be helping me regardless _lol_. I never actually got around to answering them both but one thing's for sure now, I will never be in that position again. I suggest you don't either.

This road is not for everybody, it can be as tasking and rewarding as you've heard. If you know it's yours, get God's plan, strategy and help for every step of the way. Trust me, he wants to be involved.

— Good good Father

CleverMash was a Fashion and Lifestyle Retail Website.
Cars & No House; The Charge for Investments

My father built us three homes in the wrong places _lol._ He had a house in each of Our three _hometowns_. He was working on getting us one when this happened. After the dust settled from the funeral activities, the reality of the situation was we had a rent that was up and due for renewal and no place to live.

That's why the decision of his Relatives to keep money saved for their own rents and welfare shocked me. I thought " _are you sure you're my blood_? _lol_ How is that possible? You knew that need was on ground and not conveniently kept quit basically choosing to share it amongst yourselves. That _shit_ was _foreign_ to me.

For a man that trained all of y'all through school? you do that to his children? That pretty much put the capacity of evil in the heart of a human in perspective for me super quick. _lol_ Then God went to work, while our gracious hosts where doing their best to get us out, he was sorting out and presenting all these other options for us on where to stay. His friends Got together and provided the accommodation money and then another person provided a free Apartment. Just like that, in two weeks the whole story had change. Pending on the time the Government made good on its promise to provide a house, we were sorted.

After moving into the new place, I remember thinking but why didn't he ever buy one? Here's another cinematic moment for you, he was finally about to. Several people came to mention a property he had made an offer for in that week of the accident. Won't lie at first I was angry and then I was humbled. Because God's capacity to take care of us doubles the devils ability to mess with us. That was the proof right in front of me. Over he next two years I figured all of his money went into obeying God to run for that first Governorship Election. If his finances had continued on that trajectory he was on without a doubt he would have bought one. It was always on his mind he spoke about it occasionally. My father dreamt in color _lol_ so he and his wife knew exactly what their dream home would look like, she no doubt rubbed off on him.

The point is, God doesn't owe men. He knows how best to repay your obedience. We live in a house we did not build as it is written _he would do for his sons_. I cannot explain how practical I've seen God's word become in my family story. God is really who and how he says he is. Kings shouldn't lie because they don't have to but they do. Now imagine the King of kings and ask yourself why he would need to lie much less to you, then think about the fact that He can't. It's literally not in his nature.

While I wish dad invested in property, I understand why he didn't. With the amount of sacrificing for the sake of families and families and running an Election without a wealthy Party, that takes its toll on your finances. It's important and wiser to learn from the mistakes of others, If your situation isn't that God has sent you on a capital intensive assignment, yours might not have the same outcome if you ever couldn't be there for your family. Cars and Clothes, Trips and Food are great but investments are better.

Maybe more can be done to enlighten people on the concept of saving and investing. Everything sounds like _gibberish_ unless you're in that ecosystem. Isn't it time to _un_ complicate these things?. When will we learn that we grow faster together?. One billionaire is not as impactful as on hundred millionaires when measured in real life impacts on society. Igbo business people have clearly figured out some truths that the other parts of the country haven't.

Guys, share what you've learned, spread the wealth. A wealthy Region and Country is far more impressive than a wealthy man. Who have you empowered to be another you? What you know is too valuable to be kept a secret and the schools aren't teaching it. So please for all our sakes, give a lecture, write a book, start a blog, start a mentorship program, anything to move the collective forward. I wish someone had taught my parents the power of investments and diversified income streams earlier. We don't talk about these things in religious and social settings for reasons unknown but apart from schools these are other impactful medias of distributing knowledge.

Every man listens to his _spiritual leader_. Maybe these people themselves need to be taught these things and not just keep depending on handouts themselves. Corruption might decrease if everyone had a better understanding of the inner workings of money. They say we don't read _ok_ let's finally accept it. We obviously like sermons so lets all learn there. Maybe it's because we assume everyone knows these things. You'd be surprised.

It's time for some _out of the box_ type thinking fueled by an increased sense of oneness. I was very impressed when I read Elon Musk has said he made his patents on renewable energy by his Company _Tesla_ public. This ensures the development of a whole Industry. Let's all be as conscious of and prioritize the advancement the collective human experience in every way we can.

They felt it was time to begin and got into it their time was almost up. Don't make the same mistake. Start while you're young. If school doesn't teach you, learn for yourself. Let us all Ask and learn from those who do.

— Money matters shouldn't be secret
To the People of the Woods

The _Movie-Television_ Industries have a much higher calling than we are aware of. In more ways than one, I believe sometimes Life imitates art. Whether you know it or not, the images you project to people's minds influence behaviors in culture at scale and have the power to help shape the future. So I challenge everyone in these Industries to strive towards telling stories that move the needle of our Society forward. Dare to tell the stories that paint pictures of where we've been.

A knowledge of history is important, You are gatekeepers of the past and future. Through your eyes and gifts, we can reanalyze the past and plan the future. Fiction is only fictitious for a while. Beyond the ticket sales and box office performances, what mindset do you want your Country to have? especially the impressionable young ones, Let that guide the stories that get told. What narratives are you giving the world about us? You are national therapists and ambassadors not just to shine the light on vices but to clear a path for where we're headed. Something powerful happens when you represent people's realities on screen. Don't take that power and influence for granted.

Do you know why the word idea of _Wakanda_ evoked the exact same feeling in the hearts of black people everywhere? It was because somewhere deep down, we recognized that we are all rooted or living in a potential _Wakanda_. So even though that reality doesn't exist yet, now thanks to that picture painted, we can dare to hope that it's possible and therefore start to build. To rephrase all African Countries can be _Wakanda_. To re-rephrase, that's 54 _Wakandas_.

In Spite of all the talk of corruption, considering what wealth and resources exist under and above this land, no African has any business living in poverty. The movie felt like For the first time we were given permission to imagine what _I think_ our inevitable collective future is. There's a simple formula of national success but it involves a lot of hard truths, honest conversations and aggressive selflessness. I'd like to think that we are all ready but in reality, it depends on each Country. I'd just like to point out that in the _race_ to all our Wakanda _-ness, I'm really loving Rwanda, South Africa and Ghana right now._

— Forrrevvvver! lol
Best Mentality

I love winning. Everyone does. This is quintessentially a personal decision, someone can force it out of you but the best version is when it's done willingly.

Set the best standards for yourself, keep them privately first and you'll be proud and accomplished in your work, then the right people will notice, celebrate and be confident in giving you bigger platforms to keep being and doing your best.

This mentality is an announcer so be prepared to stand out. Imagine if we all worked toward the best.

Sometimes _Best_ is limited by your scope of knowledge. To build the best you have to know the best, celebrate it and ask God to help you make the best. This works with anything.

— Stop Copying
Glory Days

They are here already, we're not even talking days we are talking a whole Era & it's happening right now. For all those who stand up and participate, don't believe the false hype that the past was better.

All them photos of functioning national Airlines and free education, was only for a select few. Did your family benefit directly? Non of my grandparents had a degree so nope, _shit_ didn't reach our side. If your answer is yes, congratulations, y'all made it in early. _I ain't even hating lol,_ but the point remains.

These coming days are going last as long as we make them. Got to break it to you, There is no _Salvation Army_ coming nor should we wait to be rescued by one. Whatever is needed is already here, let's make a plan and get to work doing our parts to accomplish the whole. Soon our children will thank us for it. The children are already here.

— The glory is ahead.
Biazowa

Some really quick questions guys, where are we coming to? Why are we not going instead? As in go and figure out how to do stuff ? _lol_ Also why can't we do both?

This reminds me of that _meme_ we've all seen on the Internet with the _Thinking Man Sculpture_ on his post and an empty post beside him with footprints walking away from it with the caption that reads, " _which one are you"?_ It's always made me think... what's up with the _constant_ need to box people in? if I need both skills, why can't I be both again?

— Think and Do about it.
Forgiveness and the Audacity of Faith

Recently I watched an interview on the _TPI_ show where I saw a photo of the daughters of Dr Martin Luther King Jr and Governor George C Wallace, two Men who were originally on opposite sides of history on the civil rights movement in America, standing side by side on the steps of the Alabama state Capital Building, in front of thousands of people on the 50th anniversary of the march from Salma to Montgomery. It was Peggy (Wallace's Daughter) who quoted Dr King's line in the infamous _I have a dream speech_ where he said. " _One day, down in Alabama, I hope that white girls and black girls can hold hands like sisters..."_ That is the power of a dream that is spoken. Who could have known that one of girls he saw in his mind would be his own all those years later.

That was a picture of forgiveness and love to me. The simple message was resounding to me, love is more powerful that hate could ever be, you will never defeat hatred with more of it. Only love can do that.

Sadly, it is from a place of insecurities that the perpetrators of these evils all around the world operate. Hard as it is, let us all remember that the only real solution is love and that it takes strength to truly love. So ask for it. Forgiveness is a fruit of love, To know the wrong someone has done to you or your family and choose to let God be the Judge, Jury and Executioner. In my faith, the instruction is to forgive an enemy, with Jesus himself showing the ultimate example by praying for the ones who executed him (while they were executing him) that! is some _badass_ level of love.

I never did read Obama's biography _The Audacity of Hope_ but I always thought about those words and understood it to mean that doing anything great, anything that's never been done before takes brazing _balls_. Doing it afraid is easier said than done, audacity to even allow yourself to dream means you believe you are deserving of that position.

Build that audacity, no one can do it for you. It's going to take many audacious hands to move this Continent to its rightful place. _Who_ has worked for me in the absence to my parents, is God.

— I can only share what I know.
Think Rethinking

You want to succeed? Surely there's different moving parts guys that's what you need God for. God is an innovator, the original Entrepreneur. _lol_

You know how Steve Jobs never actually really created any new product he just rethought how what existed was done?

You know how McDonalds isn't really a hamburger company and Starbucks isn't really selling you coffee either? A quick search on YouTube should clarify this up for you.

As far as Countries go, I am especially a fan of the South Asian and Scandinavian ones for the cool ways their Governments have been able to fully embrace technology and apply it by rethinking their processes to empower the people. Also how seamlessly these _out of the box_ ideas have been implemented at scale _again_ to the benefit of well, Everyone.

— God will make your ideas new.
Gratitude is Important

At twenty six years old I had an Office in Lagos, an Apartment, A Car and was a young CEO of the Company of my dreams. My loving family was healthy and happy and my father was just nominated to become a Minister for Labor & Productivity in my Country. However, in my small _bratty_ mind, I was behind on my 10 year Life Plan. _How fuckin moronic_. This was a plan I drafted in my second year in University. Yes, I wasn't where I wanted to be but by God! I wasn't were I started. Instead of counting my blessings, all I could see was what I hadn't yet achieved, the zeros that weren't in my bank account yet. _what an idiotic perspective that was._ I had a life people could only dream of, straight out of a Movie and I didn't appreciate it.

I remember that my birthday that year, I was so depressed I refused to celebrate. Standing outside a gate, On the phone with both my Parents, doing their best to change my point of view, listening to me complain about the difficulties of running a startup alone, If I could rewind time I would change that moment.

Knowing now what the months ahead would bring, I would have spent that night dancing and had a long praise filled conversation with God while I listed all my many blessings out loud to him. I would have taken money I didn't have to the church I wasn't attending. But at that point, I barely had any relationship with him. I was so far away from him that my mother asked me on one of my weekend visits home to Abuja that God had asked her to ask me what his place was in my plans. Instead of listening to what was implied in the question and go about repenting and asking for guidance in mending my approach and asking him to show he he's instead, I got visibly upset, telling her he shouldn't be asking _His child_ that question, _lol_ implying that he wasn't loving enough to care to be involved. _How arrogan_ t.

See, In my mind, why did he give me my name if he wasn't going to be a part of my plans?, forgetting that they weren't meant to be _my plans_ in the first place. See, He _never_ forces himself on you. He's too much of a King to do that. He's your father but if you rebel against him he _will_ give you what you want. The plan should have never existed without consulting Him in the first place. This has been the nature throughout my life, _you would think at 26 years old, I would've nailed that part already_. He tried again, one more time to show me that he cared and again, I reacted in foolishness and pride actually worse passivity and negligence.

Then it happened, My world blew up in pieces. Fast forward months we were having the cinematic four hour pep talk in the spinning chair in our new bedroom that night.

It's difficult to put into words the journey to recovery that started for me that night but here's what I've learned about gratitude since, It is a consciousness, a lifestyle choice and a requirement of being close to him. He hates thankless atmospheres. To exist in his presence, you can't get around it. He loves praise and a grateful heart, It makes him do more. If you can praise right smack in the middle of your pain, it's even better. As crazy as it sounds, I am more grateful now with less than I ever was with what I had. Although it negates natural reason, its filled me with so much Joy, Contentment and Peace that cannot be described why would I even try to? I thank him every chance I get for the life I have, I thank him for the past and the future while I'm at it. Where there's no gratitude, pride can easily get a hold of your heart, because refuses to acknowledge his person and without trusting his greatness or ability to save and deliver you, he won't.

Worry and ingratitude are just versions of pride. He already says how much he detests the proud. Never let yourself fall into that category, he is by his nature positioned to resist and be against you if you are. Statistically, that is the worst possible position to be in. We often quote " _if God be for us, who can be against us_?...well _child_ , the same is true when you flip it. " _if God be against you, who can be for you_? _lol_ Thankfully, the solution is real simple, humble yourself and don't try to do life outside of him. Especially if you have a special bond with him.

One of the best things about God is how open and honest he is about who he is and what he likes. When scriptures say _He is not a man that he should lie_ , what its really saying to you is He is King, why the _fuck_ would he need to lie to you? _lol_ in other words, _who you be?_

Take if from me, Humble yourself. He supports the humble because it is an acknowledgment of your inability to help yourself and in that kind of environment, and with that mindset, he will move in your favor. Knowing what could have been for us! I am filled with even more joy and gratitude.

The biggest difference, I now believe his love for me to be real. _Realer_ and _better_ than any I've ever had, _my father included_. The relationship we now have which is confirmed in his open love letter to all of us, He is the best now and forever will be my Father. This I now considered the corner stone and irrefutable truth of my life, the center of my being upon which my new self-identity is built. For this incredible transformation, I am eternally grateful.

In the words of JayZ, ( _it's not for everybody_ ). He relates with us all differently, that's typical with fathers though no? But if he does walk with you like this, chances are you already know. Still, a refresher never hurt anyone.

—Check yourself or get checked.

Ojoné means God's own in Igala Language. Indigenous to Kogi State. Nigeria.
Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever have this fear of feeling like a fraud? Like any minute people are going to realize that you don't know what the _heck_ you're doing? I hear this is quite common with mothers or parents in general but then recently, I read a Business Article that interviewed this young American Entrepreneur in his thirties who owns and runs several companies with annual revenues in billions. It was refreshing to hear this uber impressive person say that " _Everyone feels the same way but nobody will admit it out loud_ ". We don't admit we are all figuring thing out as we go. Non of us has the full picture of how things will pan out or all the preset answers to the challenges ahead. From my experience, The instructions for your life come one step at a time, You have to obey one to get the next one.

The scripture that says " _the steps of the righters man are ordered by the lord_ " has these two interpretations that are both equally valid. _Order_ means _command_ or _instruct_ but _order_ also refers to the _sequence of things_. So the verse is saying that when you are good, your steps are both instructed and sequenced by Him.

Faith requires you to obey the last instruction. You wont get the next until you do. That's _the walk_ of faith. When people like him say things like this, its hard not to stop and listen right? So don't just take it from me. We all feel like we have shortcomings and inadequacies, especially in business and leadership positions, your strength will come from admitting these shortcomings to build a confident foundation and trigger your reliance on Gods ability to show out in-spite of your weaknesses. " _His grace is made perfect in your weakness_ " the ones you are brave and honest enough to admit. This is probably the beginning of the freedom and liberty to royally _kick-ass_. _lol_

— hope this helps.

Success

We definitely need a redefinition of success in these parts of the World. Are you only to be respected for being rich or does it not matter how you got there?

Do you get automatic reverence because you have a position or does the work you signed up for and said you'd deliver on before you got said position actually matter?

— Right Questions.
Dating, What the *uck is it?

The brave act of loving in this 21st century is very tricky, the story seems to be more complicated than boy meets girl, eyes meet and the rest is history. Question is, should something so pure and simple be allowed to stay so complicated? I suspect the general lack of honesty has something to do with it.

Everyone is suspicious of Everyone. We've gotten so comfortable with living in mistrust that it's the new normal, Everyone has several someone's and everyone's committing half a heart with one out foot out the door. A fear of commitment is dubbed _wisdom_ and the name of the game is lies. Half-truths are just as bad and destructive as lies. I think the others quieter worlds before ours got it right.

There was a time when words meant a lot more, they had the waiting periods and odds between them to learn to yearn for each other. Wrote songs and poetry to share what they felt. Respect was common and fear was farther. Sometimes I wish for those simpler times. Too many men old and young trying to be a husbands and even fathers but never really had one, trying to me a man and never saw a real one up close. People walking around afraid to admit, even to themselves that the levels of expectations are crippling. But even the expectations are wrong and unreachable it's no wonder so many throw in the towel and settle for the complete _screw up_ status.

Whenever I hear many African Male musicians sing about love, i often think, _I know this guy doesn't understand what this thing is_. If you've known God, you'll know love. It can't be faked or forced and you recognize it the instant you see or hear it. _Its either that or they haven't yet found the honest voice required to express it in music because using sounds, different foods and snacks or slangs and made up words express absolutely nothing to me_. This is also apparent in romantic movies too in my opinion. The love portrayed just doesn't look as genuine as it could and that's sad because we are so many Christians here and our Father's name is literally love ( _amongst other things_ ). He is beautiful that way and let's be honest, don't we all need that dad that can be gentle and kind but is still able to burn your enemies to a crisp or drown them in seas? _lol Like who doesn't want that?_ This Guy beautifully and amazingly loves you already to the point that he's adopted you and has tons of things in his powerful mind to give you and all he wants is to hangout with you and you turn that down? Are you kidding? Who else do you know that would actually die for you? As much as I'd like to assume, I don't think I know anyone like that and what's even cooler is that he's not asking for anything but your love and attention.

Don't worry if you're _fucked_ up, he know that already and still loves you. I mean what's closer than living inside you? In such a loveless world I really think you should accept this unconditional one. It's a lot closer than being reserved for when we get to heaven, he means it for right now too!. He wants to take all your _bullshit_ and give you his awesome gifts instead. I wouldn't wait another second, if I were you and you don't even need a church or another person to do this thing. Just talk to him. That's all prayer is. No data or call credit needed, forever access _lol_. If you're worried you're too _fucked_ up, his big ass love letter to you is the key and proof of his love.

The more you read it ( _or more appropriately it reads you lol_ ), the more you begin to change from the inside out. He knows these things take time and he is very patient. While he's writing in the sand as people point out your _screw ups_ you know what he'll tell them when they are done talking? He'll ask them who among them is perfect and isn't just as or even more _fucked_ up. Relax and let him love you, you'll never be good at loving yourself or anyone else no matter how much you try and want to without it.

Love is not convenient, it requires giving intentionally, trusting and unquenchable hope. In a society that worships unavailability I'd much rather find and keep that gem that isn't afraid to believe and take the leap. Most people keep preoccupied with activities as a distraction from spending time alone. It's important to make the distinction between Being alone and being lonely.

The concept of dating is built on the premise that it's a time to " _get to know_ " the other person. Except. people change. Actually that's only half true, the full truth is that people keep changing everyday. So you are not going to be the same person I _dated_ when I marry you and unapologetically so. _period_. ( _The path of the just is like a light that shines brighter and brighter unto a perfect day_ ). Sir, the me a day before I walk down the isle with you is a different woman from the one who went dress shopping a week before that moment. I am constantly changing by his design and so should you. People give others grief saying _shit_ like, "... _you've changed..." lol_ Well, yes, that's what this Jesus guy does with things you give him ( _lives included_ ) everyday and it is plainly stated right there in his Contract/TOR/ Bible. _Educate yourself son, lol._ And after the wedding day, there will be plenty of YOUs and MEs that we will be meeting and " _getting to know_ ". I know it sounds hectic but with Him guiding us, it will be exciting instead. Never a dull moment.

So I guess what I'm asking is, and bare in mind, most people in the world have been divorced, getting divorced, walking towards divorce or just plain pretending _lol)_ so is this _shit_ working? Who made the current rules and what the _fuck_ are they? _If hurt people hurt people, then we living fuckin in Hurt Village out here. Not for me though, I Ojoné Ocholi hereby denounce that fucking residency right now and forever. lol_

If that popular tired saying is true, then enough with this particular excuse people. Being hurt is no excuse to pay it forward, Empathy is missing. We've heard so much news of dark things that we are blind to goodness and numb even while we're in it. Do your part, say what needs to be said, Expect that your help can only come from your Maker. Know that people ain't made to fit that hole inside you, they never were. Look around, no one has a love you want and yet everyone is _happy_ in love. What does that tell you? God is in the couture business when it comes to love and acceptance, he'll tailor make yours if you'd let him.

Make your own path with the one who sees you and chooses to stay knowing that tomorrow you won't be the same. Who's idea of you isn't more real than the unpredictable potential of you. I think _happy_ is the problem. Happily ever after is a hoax because happy is based of feelings and circumstances, all of them fleeting _here today, gone tomorrow level of feelings_. Let us instead aim for _Joy_ because it is based on things we know and commit to know flaws and all and because it is a fruit of God, present in your home not dependent on circumstances. A gift. _Ojoné wants pure, God induced Joy lol._

If by dating we mean getting to know then sorry, that shit is a constant part of joyfully ever after. Which basically happens everyday for the rest of your lives. It means you date your wife and husband until y'all are dead. Period. The Vow and commitment you've made at these ceremonies is to continue to learn and get to know each other forever.

Life is designed to be a team sport. _For some_. A marriage is a Team, don't allow the rules confuse you. No pressure, it's just finding your _Team Mate_. The best teams are God orchestrated and maintained. Complicated, yet simple. Everything in your being we know when you know. Solve the preceding puzzles of who you are and what you're here for. To the la la landers, _lol_ to all my co- hopeful Romantics with _The Voice_ in their hearts. You'll know when you see it, you'll see when your steps and sequenced in accordance to His design.

— let Him be your Matchmaker because these are the ONLY  
teams he takes personal responsibility for. Your welcome .
Millennial African

There's a saying that " _those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it_ ". I don't know about you but I hate repeating _shit_. There is a _lotttt_ of ignorance about Africa especially by Africans. We all really don't know a lot about this place. The records are scattered and almost mythical and quickly vanishing they need to be curated for Christ's sake. I still haven't seen a single properly curated, comprehensive, chronologically correct, globally adopted work of history of the land we are on. The ignorance is general foreigners and indigenes alike, but maybe it's our job to curate and document this amazing story ourselves. Th fascinating and empowering tales of Empires and pure greatness across every part have to _re_ -presented in a relevant format to the African youth. ( _I vote a move lol)_

The amount of cool facts about the land will astonish us all. For instance did you know that Africa is the youngest Continent with a medium age of 19 years? that means there's 600 million plus people who are 19years and younger. It's going to be 2 billion in a few decades. Africa is more that one narrative, so it cannot continue to be reduced to one of lack and poverty. Did you know the business hub model that's now all over the world originated in Kenya? If you needed a testament to our strength and tenacity look no further than Rwanda With cool _ass_ projects like a _freakin_ Drone Airport. Like wake the _heck_ up people, things been shifting for a while now and we simply cannot sleep through this. We have to roll up our sleeves and get to building our Countries. We are people who thrive not in the absence of adversity we thrive in spite of the worst kinds.

The responsibility is ours to properly tell our collective story. We need to learn to define ourselves by more than Wars, Poverty and Safaris and wild animals. There is more to us, There's a bigger story being told and lived that needs to be documented and shared. Africa has 2000 indigenous languages like African countries went from no phones to iPhones, unapologetically modernized, brazenly in love with technology, filled with a multi cultured, beautiful, young and vibrant people clustering in anti-clusters blessed with unprecedented natural resources and yet plagued with unbearable lack and poverty, _I mean this shit's got to stop sometime_. Why not now?

The last two slides of my master's Thesis in 2013 proclaimed these two facts, one, that although Africa has one narrative perpetrated in mainstream media it is in fact a more dynamic reality. The continent riddled with constant oxymorons Like Lamborghinis on dust roads. And two, that Africa was ready to be seen and heard. All across the Continent Entrepreneurs are building global businesses, solving local problems that the rest of the world is still oblivious to see.

I watched a TED talk the other day titled _Africa is not Africa_. ( _You know I just had to click on that lol_ ). The presenter went on to explain how she once had to make a comment at an international meeting held on Africa and basically mark the observation to the panel reminding them that Africa is not a country, Africa is 54 countries.

He made that comment to imply that all the conversations at that convention were faulty simply because they were speaking about Africa as a whole and lumping the realities all together when in fact, the differences are so vast it would make your head spin. ( _maybe the low key message here though is that it_ _should_ _be one_ ) I've always thought that the story of the African continent is yet to be told. The perspective of our very varying realities has not even been fully curated yet. King's and queens from the past, Empires stories of wars and unimaginable wealth, non of the rich heritage is reflected in our narrative. It's as if our story started from colonization. What existed before it? Surely they was life here, so how was it? Really?

How can a continent of 1billion with no have the solutions to their own problems? Think about every cool company ever built in every single industry, how did they get there? By building Piece by piece, layer by layer.

I get it, being young here is hard because we aren't educated to _do_ , we are mostly educated to _join the system_. Get a degree and get a job. Jobs are great but considering there's not very many to go around isn't it time to start solving problems and charging people for it? It doesn't matter what you solve we, when there are enough problems to go around. Services are the easiest way to start a business. Guys, now is the time.

If school ain't clicking, _WEAC_ and _JAMB_ ain't working out, guess what there are enough billionaires in the world without degrees to convince you to just get busy. Get off Social Media have a scheduled time for it every day. Sign out of them Apps, pick a time a day to sign in and look around. Look around for inspiration specific to the problem you're trying to learn how to solve, go to youtube and educate yourself in that area and get to work please. Its going to take a whole army. We cant wait to get handouts its too _fuckin_ slow. Spend that _turn up_ time watching video on writing a proposal.

Figure _shit_ out as you go because chances are whatever you're trying to do has never been done here before so there no _fuckin_ Map. No roadmap, Books or specific blog posts can help you. Get creative, solutions are everywhere. Don't be so pessimistic, today is as good a day as any to start.

Let us make ourselves _Makers_ and _Doers_ or at least working and interning with the doers. Do it for free do it for the knowledge, become an apprentice. Do it because the collective benefits are immeasurable. Leave the politicians to do their thing, more power to them. While they do " _theory things_ ", let's get busy figuring it out practical ones as we go. One day soon we'll look up and everything would be as good and beautiful as we see afar off in other lands. Recently, somebody said we were lazy, while that's only one part of a bigger truth, I've decided he has one point and I believe there's never been a greater time to be young and black in Africa. The ones coming are counting on us.

— Time don nak
Money

Money is _freakin_ awesome and The quickest way to make money legitimately is to solve a problem and meet a need. Think of every globally successful Company you know, that's all they do.

Money and Wealth are different by the way, just throwing that in here. _lol_. Money is a good tool. It is the love of money is the root of evil not money itself. I heard someone say once that money is neutral, it doesn't have any allegiances and but is a terrible master. _It lures you to think you're in charge and the trips the fuck out so be careful._

The thing has got no loyalties, it only obeys life principles, not age, not gender, race or religion. It has the same response to saints and sinners alike. Don't run after it, become valuable and it will chase you.

— Psst smartest way, submit yours back to Heaven. Fuckin Jackpot!
Pidgin English: A Continental Barrier Breaker

I learnt _igala_ when I was 16. My parents barely spoke it to us, my mother thought it would affect our diction, especially being rounded by so much of It in those nine years in ankpa, it was basically a house rule. After moving to Lagos, she switched it up and would speak it a lot, she gave instructions with it, prayed with it, i think she just found any excuse to expose us to it. I think I worked enough to spark my interest in learning it myself. I always admired people who spoke their local dialects, to me, it seemed like a super power. This boy I liked was proudly from his culture and that fired me up to learn mine. I'm happy that happened. I've met people old and young who take pride in not understanding or being able to speak their local language. I understand the lure to distance oneself from culture and embrace all the other things we sadly consider to be cool, I used to be a little like that but I'm blessed to have had my mindset influence on that.

Language reinforces identity and our interconnectedness. I guess that tie to heritage is on display in a beautiful way, that's why I'm not bashing how thing are, what this is an observation of a loophole for common ground. We are over divided by thousands of dialects and colonial languages, I just believe if there is a chance to unite us and create that chance to build bridges, I'm here for it. Especially because there's another industrial revolution here. We've not really been part of the other ones guys, this time, whatever we can do to all be a part of it would be _fuckin_ awesome.

Have you ever been frustrated trying ask for simple directions from your own country man? That happened again recently and now I think that Pidgin English could be formally adopted as that bridge that links our Continental _at least_ commercially in this eminent revolutionary Era.

Listen, we are divided by a number of things already. If we can all just agree to not be divided on this one thing, language, the positive implications of this would be simply too much to quantify. If we're re going to thrive and overcome our differences, we need to communicate better. We won't throw out our first national languages of course but just acknowledging the possibility and implementing a simple technology backed model to formally adopt it would be awesome. _lol_ I guess it starts from designing a great curriculum for it in all schools. I'm telling you, this could really be the bridge we need to start fostering better relations in regional and continental trade and tourism.

I promise it is easier than learning French, English or Spanish. I taught myself just by listening. Never been prouder of learning a language _lol_. It really could be the language of commerce for us Africa, Technically, there's no strict rules, for some reason, it's really easy to learn. I know of one other _possibly dividing_ issue has already been proven to not be one. Food. Clearly as proven by every buffet party ever attended. Guys, we already like each other's foods _lol. A_ nyway, as you probably know by now, I'm all for whatever leads us up the path of Unity and Progress.

— Just a thought. We could do this.
A Beautiful Place called Isolation

I have found that separation is a beneficial and essential part of the journey to growth. I wont lie, it is a long and painful process but when you're alone with yourself you learn a lot about God and yourself. We all act consistent with who we believe we are. You find who you are in the silence. Its difficult to quiet the noise but you must. I've been in crowds and alone in my mind. I've always been very acutely aware of how differently I see things. My parents encouraged our different perspectives and I thank them for it because there's something very revealing about isolation.

Our Family arrangement naturally isolated me. Daddy, Mummy (same room) Me, The Boys & The Girls. _lol_ even if I wasn't lumped with the girls it felt like it cause they where much younger add that to all the moving around and I guess I learned to be comfortable with being by myself. Somehow I convinced myself that was a flaw, I was wrong. If I had known what I know now, I would have held on to it. You can't see yourself when you're not comfortable with hanging out with yourself. You get a lot clearer on who you are and what your God wants for you in those moments by yourself. If you're a family man or woman, I get it, it's hard to find time to yourself. Find it though, I promise you won't regret it.

People are great, but so are you. Get to know yourself to see yourself through Heaven's eyes. It's the most empowering _shit_ ever. I can't think of a clearer example than how Oddly enough the isolating Iron Wall Era of China forced its citizens to ignite tremendous levels of resourcefulness and sparked the productivity culture that enabled the growth and prosperity which they now enjoy, the second largest economy in the world, achieved in a decade. _#clap fuckin clap_ that! Is impressive to me _._

I guess its human nature, when you cut off the flow of something essential that's usually sourced externally, it sparks the force needed to figure it out internally. Everything from rice production to self-worth.

What you'll figure out in scripture is that as famous as the life story of _THE_ Jesus the Christ is, he left out his activities from about age 11 to 30 when he was reunited with his cousin at that pool did you know that? _lol_ Dude went so low key, we didn't even know his step father Joseph died, did you know Joseph died when Jesus was 12? Lesson?. Its ok to hide parts of your journey until it is time to share, there is such a thing as oversharing. Every famous and successful person who died before the birth of Social Media, well, _never_ had Social Media _lol_ and yet they did great things.

Think about what a blessing it is to have this tool in our Era, However, _like any powerful tool_ it is only as productive and or destructive as the one who holds it. The power and potential of words to destroy a person's spirit is immense, so many people are walking around so broken, logging around catalogs of wounds that never healed and making them go out into the world causing pain to other people and sometimes without even knowing it. Your hurt is not an excuse to hurt others. As long as you keep wearing it as a badge of honor, you will never do anything to change it or find healing and peace. Stop and think about those words before you say or type to someone them on and offline.

You have no idea how much havoc it can rake in that person's life, because of technology, Social media provides the new channels through which we get to live out your stories and spread our individual messages. It's a powerful opportunity that no other people in the world have had before our time. All this tremendous potential comes with a common responsibility to police each other and hold ourselves accountable to use it for good in whatever situation and in every context.

— Run it, don't let it run you.
A Tale of the Con Man

Once upon a time, there came a mystery man into our lives. He listened and plotted futures, made claims and promises. He stole my International Passport and vanished as subtly as he appeared, leaving all his _people_ destitute.

— The end.
Last Whole Family Christmas

Christmas at the Ocholi's as a kid was like something straight out of the closing scene of a Home Alone Movie. _lol_ ( _Oh that's true, Home Alone and Problem Child were pre-approved at the house too)_. Our " _white woman"_ of a mothe _r_ made sure there was a real tree which was cut and dragged home every year and decorated on the 24th. The entire week she brushed up on her baking _lol_ , everywhere smelled like freshly baked cake and burnt cookies, we had presents _magically_ appear overnight as she had my dad _or some unfortunate soul_ dress up in a full Santa suit I don't even know how she got her hands on _lol._

Someone had to pretend to be Santa and would _ho ho ho_ his way into our _chimney-less_ home. Sometimes she'd deliberately hangout in our room past midnight and be talking with us or fixing my hair or something, timing it just right so "Santa" would make _just enough_ noise to get us excited as we listened to him scuffling around in the living room as he dropped off all our presents. _lol_! You've Got to had it to blessing though, what a _freakin_ MVP with the theatrical lengths she went to all to keep us kids whimsical for as long as possible. _I love that woman._

Of course as the years went by she got less and less theatrical and everything became less of a Hollywood Production but Christmases where always fun and a huge deal for us. Definitely more than birthdays, except as Uyojo Ocholi came one Christmas (I think) she basically ruined Christmas for us _lol_ cus now it was her birthday. _I'm kidding but not really_. So now her birthday parties are officially booted to the 26th from now on. Very _very_ new law _lol_.

I remember that final Christmas with my family like a HD Movie. This is huge if you have my mind. _When I remember I remember._ This last one was different. We didn't spent much time together, dad had so many meetings, the house was full with more strangers than usual, I didn't really like it. Dad decide last minute it would be in the new Village House and I almost didn't even go for it but he said he needed me to help furnish the place. I remember the back of their heads on that very fast drive to the Village. I remember the brief conversation and prayer before Joshua left for Abocho that night ahead of us to arrange the place with some people. I remember my mothers priceless reaction to her full precut and packed cow meat falling out the pickup truck _lol_. I remember the walkie talkies talking to the four car motorcade.

I remember going rug shopping with Joshua ( _grudgingly_ ) I remember furniture shopping with mum and her many " _advisers_ " I remember Christmas morning exchanging gifts, I remember arguing with the soldier that refused to spare a room for the women cooking to have a place to sleep, I remember zipping up my mothers top as she got ready to attend an awards ceremony, I remember visiting a village chief, I remember Christmas service, I remember not seeing daddy much all week because of many meetings, I remember arguing with Aaron saying really mean things to each other. I remember making up with Aaron 10 minutes later, _lol_ I remember finally agreeing to watch a Korean series movie (my sister Uyojo's influence). I remember the tour of the house, I remember the smell of the new house, I remember completeness and security and love. I remember being grateful for my family. I will forever hold these memories dear.

I am excited because being a Christian has come to mean to me that that Christmas will not be our last one ever, but the last together for a while.

— In time, Merry many Christmases to come guys. xx
Rape. Release the Guilt; It's not your Fault

I was 27 when I had sex with man. He attacked me at my apartment staircase without warning, uttering some of the scariest words anyone has ever said to me. I realize now it wasn't the words themselves but the context within which he said them, context that only the following months would provide.

Years would pass before I'd even allow myself accept it was rape. A stranger who I had turned down multiple times, didn't even know his first name, never spoken to on the phone, never replied messages from had attacked me in the dark on a random day. I was too shocked to react, minutes later I was downstairs having a drink with his friends the whole time unsure I was or why I was sitting there, unclear about what had just happened.

My pride and ego wont let me accept it, deciding to start _playing_ girlfriend almost immediately. Problem was months later would reveal dude was in a relationship a long stable one and worse She was there in that compound that night. Weeks after that first time he'll basically camp out and spend his time with me, he was everywhere, told his mother about me she was " _dreaming"_ I was pregnant. The guilt from being sexually active alone and hiding it from my parents was mind numbing, I started avoiding my mother at all costs, why? because her Holy Spirit would for sure ask her to ask me. I was in trouble but too ashamed to speak to anyone, trying desperately to prove to everyone it was a real relationship how could it be? His phone was filled with opened google tabs researching on my recently appointed Minister Father. Research for his soon to be meal ticket. I was heading the wrong way _fast_. Going from virgin unicorn to confused and abused. Any attempt to cut him off was futile. The more I tried the more intense he became. Soon it because apparent, there was no escaping this man. He was everywhere I went, Knew my office knew my home. What's worse is he went from stranger I ignored to intensely sexual relationship overnight. The level of pretense and acting required to keep up this fad was extraordinary. The night he attacked me he said just a hand full of words and they became truer as time passed " _I've caught you today_ " he said. It became clear that in that moment he had. Thank God for deliverance. What would have become of me?

That was not the worst part, Every morning as I went to work someone was watching me from his apartment, every evening when I got back it was the same. one day I hear a knock on my door and her sister walks in introduces herself as his girlfriends sister. I literally had no idea he had one. Having no reason to hide, I invited her in she was friendly pretended she wanted to _shop_ , I had some of my website inventory stored in my spare bedroom.

Next time she came her sister was with her. They didn't buy but I gave her my business card. That day I told him to stay away from me. It felt like possession and just plain manipulation. For instance, He once spent hours knocking outside my door one night until Neighbors came out to ask me to please let him in. He raped me again. That week my family died.

I showed up at the funeral basically obese from popping contraceptives like a rookie that I was. I wish I could say that was the last time I slept with him but it wasn't. Months later he swore his relationship was over I was back in town to clear out my apartment and stayed with him. Didn't take long to see his problem was more than lying and cheating he revealed his true intention was money motivated. That was the last time I ever saw him. For all my near rape experiences for my first time to end up still being a rape, by a stranger was ironic. Even sadder was pretending that it wasn't just to save face.

You would think that at twenty sex years old, peer pressure would be a thing of the past. It wasn't for me. That's why you have to be careful with the people you allow to counsel you. Look that their lives and their results before you decide if the deserve your attention. Form your own standards and then you wont be swayed when the time comes to stand your ground. I wish it were different but I wasn't ready to be only my own in that environment at that time. Being alone meant freedom I didn't need.

Like a bizarre plague, Having sex started to feel like a natural progression but by who's standard?. All I needed was a reminder that I wasn't a virgin because of a lack of opportunity to have sex, I was because I made a decision to be, once I started to even entertain the idea, there it was, manifested right in front of me. Be careful, that one simple mind shift and moment of unclarity could have altered the entire course of my story forever. Imagine if I had gotten pregnant from that experience.

In the end I have learned that God can save you out of the filthiest of situations if you would let him, even though he didn't orchestrate it. Learn the lesson you need to learn from experience and move on from it. As savage as this sounds, you are less likely to forget and maybe sharing it can save someone else from trying the same type of stupid.

It should be noted that while I had God on my mind in Milan, I didn't at this time. I one short year I had gone from writing a distinction worthy thesis with a God I loved, being the excited confident young entrepreneur living my dream with a business I loved to recklessly unconsciously I inviting this train of disasters into my life. Did I deserve it? Yes? Is God faithful and loving? Yes? But is he just? Yes. Sin is the open door the devil uses to enter & destroy _shit_.

I believe there are people who God allows a long _Fuckup Rope_. He knows if they knew better or were taught better they'd do better. But there's another group of people, God is quicker to check you _ass_. Why? He loves you, Has prepared you to do better so he expects better. For these ones. Be extra careful. You know yourselves.

The night before that first attack I made a reckless statement out loud to someone. I guarantee heaven and hell were listening. You have to watch what you say theres is power in _your_ words, that and those silent decisions you make in your heart. I had just ended a relationship, I remember thinking if he didn't want to take my virginity I would give it to the next man that tried. Sure enough walking into my apartment from having that life changing conversation the next man attacks me. As cinematic as it sounds, Prior to this incident, I had had one conversation with this individual before this so I didn't plan it, i couldn't have. In those short months that followed, I had become all those women I called stupid on TV, the ones I had seen and low-key looked down on.

Theres something about someone getting that close to you from being a total stranger that catches you off guard you really become self destructive making stupid decisions. _I didn't even know his name_ , I remember thinking.

Before him, there was ever only one other successful attempt. I was maybe 5 when my _nanny_ started to sexually molest me with her girlfriend. Considering how I was introduced to sex, it's a miracle I stayed away from sex as long as I did. Sometimes I'm convinced the girl was an actual witch. It's the only thing that explains her brand of wicked, forgive me if I don't care what you think about that but witchcraft aside, you'd be surprised how many people you know adults and children male and female who have been or are currently being sexually molested by all kinds of people in their lives. The statistics are staggering. We have to decide what we are going to do as people of the world to stop this madness. Boys by men, women by women, women by men, men by women, its all rape. Society seems to focus on woman as victims of this menace but it really is not a single gender epidemic. Its Everyone.

The _Me Too_ movement broke while I was knee deep in grief, In the first two years after the accident I was not following any news really, but recently I finally watched an obscene amount of videos that chronicled the whole thing, interviews of the journalist that broke the whole alleged barbaric news of the, serial Offender in Hollywood. The reckless behavior of this "Powerhouse", Harvey Weinstein was jaw-dropping. The Stories of alleged assault of all kinds, in the industry have been circulating for years, everyone who ever spoke up got black listed or labelled a liar, there's never been this type of outpour of bold victims and all of a sudden it seems the system is ready to face reality. I watch hours of footage from his enablers, victims, workers and business associates.

Watching video after video I wondered the same thing, nobody knew enough to do anything? It dawned on me that i know part of the answer. It's always circumstantial, Once it becomes my word against yours the accusations pretty much free-falls from there, until its dismissed as defamatory or a witch-hunt. Now I'm not saying there aren't people out there who'ed cry rape where there was non to taint a persons character. But one too many on the exact same issue, in the same way being ignored to the point of being an open secret is crazy to me. Then I had a scary thought, that if that was the situation in as free a Country as America? God help us all, I'm afraid to even imagine what's been happening in the other parts of our world.

One weekend in my first year in University, I almost got raped boy from secondary school. His argument or validation for his attempted assault can be summarized in this question he asked in the middle of his bullshit. _Where were you?_ He asked _when others were getting spoiled and why must you only have eyes for him?_ (Referring to the boy I liked at the time). I won't lie, it took me a long _ass_ time to forgive that idiot but It taught me some valuable lessons and I'm grateful for them. I thought that was my final run-in with near rape experiences but then finally year happened.

My project supervisor who's name I didn't even know, seriously its like my brain refuses to waste memory space learning this person's information. Unknown to me he decided to single me out and upon meeting me for what I thought was the first time began to _very loudly_ critique everything about my entire appearance, He complained about the hair, nails, makeup, clothes everything was too much in his opinion. _lol_ asshole. I was shocked because that was my _everyday_ look so to me it was nothing out of the ordinary _except the false lashes_. First time trying them out and I got this _bullshit_ experience.

As I mentioned for the most part and purely for survival, I pretty much kept a low profile in school. I didn't even engage enough socially to know the names of my lecturers. I just wanted to show up, blend in, sign my name, learn something and get out. That was the game plan with everything all the time. So I was completely shocked the dude even knew who I was. He was talking like he had seen me before.

Every final year student understands the joy that this time brings. Having scaled through so many crazy events unscathed You start walking on air a little bit, with a burst of confidence. Something about being so close to that tunnel light makes you a little happier and bolder. I decided to try out them false eyelashes something that was so common already at this point, the cleaners around school had them. It was an unfortunate timing because in that week we were assigned our Project Supervisors.

I'm hounding on the lashes because I remembered walking away from That first meeting that was a complete disaster thinking, its my fault I should not have done _extra_ with the lashes, I'm usually able to lay low and not be so conspicuous _in my head_ I kept saying but that was no excuse, that was not the problem and his overkill behavior that first meeting should have given him away.

My father was running for Governor of Kogi State at this time, so I planned to be even more blended in, any drama would have scaled out of

proportion, getting suspended for stupid _shit_ like this was the last thing I wanted, he didn't need the stress and I just wanted to graduate in peace. This dude called me every name in the book and proceeded to ask me to " _tone down_ " my excesses as he could only work with simpler and more conservative girls. _lol_

I went to the hostel sad but saying you know what, he has a point. Why should I even have Lashes on ( _it wasn't even the easy DIY kind_ ) so I spent the entire night forcing the fresh glue to come loose with any greasy thing I could find that didn't hurt. Thing cost me basically all my natural lashes but I was determined to " _de-beautify_ " myself. Serves me right I thought, First time i broke my rule of being _low-key_ fashion wise and sure enough this _shit_ happens. No biggie. It took all day but I finally got it all off. I had the plan back on track. Besides, wasn't it a great thing that he doesn't like in his word " _flashy girls_?" I was happy to adjust.

Then he gave a fictitious group assignment that week. Nobody else took it seriously, so I stayed up all night helping him type out a liftoff from a previous project he had given us to type. I was determined to get off to a better start with this individual that I did all the work he gave. I wasn't easy typing so many pages but I got it done and made the deadline. Friday afternoon came and the work was ready. Everyone in the group was going home or unavailable so I had to take that _shit_ to this _asshole_ myself and he decided to flip the switch from _that_ conservative supervisor to a full on _demon_.

As it turns out, he didn't mean any of his criticisms only a few days earlier. In his words he was in fact flattering me and trying to tell me he was interested in me. What a fucking psycho.

In the middle of reviewing the typed out work dude stands up locks the door and proceeds to grab me and try to take off his clothes. What ensued, next is stuff you would see in those _Sherlock Holmes pre-fight breakdown Movie Scenes lol_. It was like time slowed down and as he reached for his zipper my eyes scanned the table for the sharpest most, potentially fatal object that would at the very least leave him brain dead.

When I picked up that object, I think the _demon_ in him fled. The moments that followed saw me hold the object in a threatening position where I instructed him to open the door and sit the _fuck_ down.

Walking away wasn't wise, I needed to make sure this would never happen again. Basically still shaking and completely in awe of what had almost happened I listened as he spewed out one _fucked up_ negotiation point after the other. I was already angry but i arrived at livid when the dude basically threatened my academic performance as he proceeded to remind me that my Project was 6 units in addition to the 6 other units of two 3 unit courses he was in charge of lecturing that semester. he went on to insinuated he could be a better lover than my _presumed_ boyfriend could and when all that failed proceeded to offer me money. He concluding this display of _fuckery_ by basically telling me the Holy Spirit would tell him if I reported him to the school authorities.

Now at this point, I'm pretty much hearing his voice as an echo. I'm not sure which of those words pissed me off the most but as eerily calm as humanly possible, with hot angry tears filling my eyes, shaking with rage at how disgusted I was with the whole situation, I heard myself ask him the following.

First, if he had ever seen my result before, he said no I asked if he knew who my father was he said no then I asked if he's ever heard about me before our first meeting, he answered no to all three.

I didn't waste my time educating him, i simply informed him to go find out and said And I didn't need his or anyone's help to get the grades I did on any course and that for the sake of his _then_ pregnant wife and kid, I wouldn't report him then I offered my own set of threats and walked out of his office with him on his knees mid begging.

I don't remember the walk to my hall that evening, I was too angry to even see straight. Wanting to avoid questions I went straight to a course mate's room, laid on her bed and slept off for five hours. When I woke up, I told her what happened and that I was going to make sure he learnt a lesson.

Next day, I was seated in my vice chancellor's car narrating the incident. She encouraged me not to involve my parents as it would cause a scene, my father was running for governor and she felt that would distract him or cause a scandal. She felt we could handle it ourselves, then gave me a tape recorder but warned that these incidents really usually come down to the girls words against the lecturers. I told a few classmates and the plan was to set him up and get it on record, something about setting up a fake repeat was repulsive to me, I had no interest in recreating that entire experience. Although I was still livid I ultimately decided not to. I carried the recorder for every meeting after that which was seldom. I didn't want anything to do with him and he knew exactly why, which is why I work twice as hard showing my Project to other supervisors and lectures who had any fee time, accompanying people for their own supervisors trying to get my work vetted. By the time he saw any part of it, it was basically full proof.

I don't know why we all do this but I think it's much easier to just keep our heads down and get ourselves out of those situations as opposed to seeing it through and calling these predators out. Sometimes I thought of reporting him and to _damn_ the consequences and made a scene, but I chose not to, I considered telling mostly because of a statement she made in the car that night. She said " _maybe God made him try with you, so you can finally expose him so he wouldn't get the chance to try with anyone else after you_. At the time I figured, baby on the way and father running for election maybe I just want to get out of here drama free, selfishly I decided it wasn't worth risking people's opinions since he wasn't successful.

In hindsight, that was a good chance to expose a repetitively assaultive man. Few months later, on graduation day I watched him get awarded doctorate and I thought to myself, more power to cause even more harm. I admit that I made the selfish decision.

I have only this left to say on this, To the passive wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, _ignorant_ associates, all the gutless and negligent enablers of these men and women it is as much your fault for looking the other way. It won't be one's word against the other if you speak up.

To the society, abusers aren't all men, you'd be surprised at the number of men enduring physically, mental and sexually abusive women in different roles from mothers, girlfriends, bosses to wives. These women are often worse because they count on his shame that traps him from speaking out and the society that naturally inclined to think women are always the victims. The feminism movement is only flawed because it inadvertently makes the male into an enemy. Men have been more prominent over the years, the influence gap in our society structures are obvious. Either through religion or just passive spectatorship, a lot of women are marginalized throughout the world. The solution is not to turn the tide in favor of the other gender, that breeds its own set of evils. Isn't it obvious what we need is a balance and a focus on the quality of mind? We have had female leaders who are just as misogynistic to other women as men are. We've had some worse examples in female leaders to be honest. So it's not a gender thing.

When you have been oppressed and get a chance at authority, you get abusive. We would all love to think you'd use the authority properly but in most cases you've been so focused on the flaws of the people in power you haven't prepared yourself for those often impossible situations. Whatever you do you will _piss_ some people off. You can never _ever_ please everyone. No body in history has achieved this particular thing so why even try? Fairness and consideration is what women need. The talk of unequal pay is completely disgusting and the move to change this is imperative, however, tilting the scales completely in the opposite direction, I am convinced will _fuck_ things up in another direction. Instead of feminism lets all adopt for humanism. We all know _(even the worst of people_ ) know the difference between what is right and wrong whether you chose to do right or not is exactly that. A choice.

We must be careful not to fight oppression with oppression, it must be really difficult to be a good man in this world today. Innocent Male children must be feeling really unsupported and borderline repressed with this rise in support for the female child. Let's not in a bid to get back at a system make the unnecessary sacrifice of emasculating young men growing up, also wanting fairness but being unfairly lumped up and blamed like they are a part of the problem.

Humanism would make it okay for Everyone young, old, male and female to speak up. Especially in this part of the world, male children need support, platforms, encouragement and mentorship too.

To the victims and near victims of abuse, it is NOT your fault. Never rationalize their evil actions by blaming yourself, speaking up shines the light, it's difficult for dark _shit_ to stay hidden in light. That's what truth is. Thanks to social media it's never been easier to out every evil perpetrator and oppressor from _hades_.

Don't argue, don't warn just record him or her and post it to the handles of every single Television Channel, Church, and police department you know of worldwide. Now that my friends, is a whistle that works. _lol_

In conclusion, I watched a documentary recently of Nuns who had raped girls for years, I cannot even lie it was the first time it ever occurred to me this sexual assault allegations all these years wasn't just between priest and boys. The whole time, it never crossed my imagination for some reason that the same scenario was possible with the females in that system.

Turns out them nuns be doing the same shit too. This is _fuckin_ ridiculous world, whats I going to take world? These accused women and men get off the hook for a number of reasons, including conveniently crafted _laws_. Guys, there should NOT be statutory limitations to rape anywhere in the world. This idea is so ridiculous. If you have the guts to rape someone be prepared to be called out at ANY _fuckin_ point between your birth and death _period_. You don't get to swindle off the hook because time has passed does that eliminate the effects of your stupid decision? There should be laws to protect everyone in our societies weak and wealthy alike. You ain't a church when you hide evil doers instead of expose them you are supposed to be a beacon of light and safety for Christ's sake this is down right evil, _all these_ people couldn't possibly be lying are you kidding?

—That's a million coincidences too many.
The Cycle Of A Now Now Culture

It's always been apparent to me that there's a disconnect between what we know and understand about corruption and the reality. Ignorance is the most fertile breeding ground for fear, fear births contempt. I think the version portrayed in the means Is from a very narrow perspective. Sadly, it the predominant narrative that comes to mind when we all think about this topic. _mismanaged monies in News. A_ ll across the world that seem to control the conversation.

I believe this is much deeper than that. The danger of not educating people on things is that they are automatically orientate people toward either misplaced hatred or love and in both scenarios, abuse is inevitable. When I heard the details of those four young men killed a few years ago for stealing laptops in a place where generations worth of resources are looted daily and in more forms that colored paper, I understood their first sin is ignorance.

Ignorance in not knowing that those boys were not the enemy, that bigger evils the stolen laptops are being done against them daily, that the streets they were paraded on and would eventually end their hopeful lives on that day, the _very_ land they would be buried in, that _fuckin_ ground is filled with wealth enough to buy a billion laptops that could be donate to those boys and their mates across the county so that they wouldn't need to steal and be killed. If only they knew.

Then I ask whose job it was to educate them, and to make sure they know who they are and what they can produce, I have since concluded that the job is yours. Personally. Nobody can be responsible for that task except for you. As long as the sky exists, there will always be people who benefit from the ignorance of others.

No Government or its officials have the answers to your problems, that Pastor cant solve it, neither can that parent, _Nor should they be expected to save you from everything._ They can help and enable, create a nurturing environment at best but what happens when they don't?

It is your responsibility to educate yourself. It's not their fault that you don't know your own rights or right from wrong. You can have a whack school and no education at all and still know these things. The information is everywhere _literally_ now. In some cases your parents should have but they didn't so _now what_? Are You going to stay stuck blaming people who probably never got from whoever should've given them either? Ever considered that they didn't give you because they don't have it to give? Ladies and gentlemen at some point, YOU have to decided for yourself how you're going to live that the kind of legacy you want to leave behind regardless of what you were dealt.

Don't get me wrong, some people out here are pure evil but there are those who really do want to do the right things and really do what outcomes where we have Peace, Prosperity, Faith and Progress. Maybe they'll do better if they knew better. Research shows that less and less millennials and GenZ go to churches and other spiritual gatherings all over the world, can you blame them?. It doesn't take a genius to see that even beyond the headlines, a lot has been wrong for a really long time. Its important to make the distinction therefore between Religion and Faith. One leads to freedom and enlightenment and the other to bondage and stagnation often to the benefit of some.

The gut wrenching combination of ignorance, Fear, poor judgment and pure evil on display that day, that went on for _hours_ without interruption was an example of how things play out if you choose to stand idle and do nothing to break the cycle.

Corruption is an outcome not the problem, it is internal and present in some measure in Everyone. It is fueled by greed and selfishness, It erupts in very many ways and occurs on a rather large scale. It thrives on an enabling environment of indifference and the absence of accountability. Stealing funds is a symptom not the Illness.

For example, we all pretend and refuse to address very glaring social ills, That is classic enabling. Turning it into a meme makes it even worse. Things weren't always like this and they don't have to be. We all know of the _mostly_ young people who make a living off _keeping the of companies_ of older married people, in _sometimes_ sexual _"mutually beneficial"_ arrangements _. The common theme is that these young people are in difficult social situations. Truth, some people would even if they weren't. Even More Truth? It's a corrupt heart thing._

Now to the young girl considering this, I can only talk to you because yours are the only shoes I've rocked. I understand the appeal, and it is easy to be deceived by those who lie, and tell half truths to get what they want. I can only tell you my experience and hope that it helps you.

In my NYSC year in 2012, fresh off a broken relationship, it was nice to be pursued by this forty something year old. He was respectful, entrepreneurial and successful. It was refreshing to be speaking with a dude who was clear on what he wanted. What he failed to mention was that he was married to someone who lived outside the country and had two children. He didn't mince words, he stated his intentions very plainly and was willing to wait for me to make my decision without pressure.

I liked the directness, which was a sharp departure from the muttered or complete lack of words or direction prevalent in the just ended situation-ship with a younger guy. In their defense though, these young guys hadn't even figured out their own lives yet. How are they going to give anyone else _any_ direction? _lol_ So expecting them to have their _shit_ together enough to communicate said plan is unrealistic. That said, there are young men who just know these things early and these ones I'm always very impressed by however, If you're over 30 years old and you still don't know where you headed? You _my friend_ need Jesus. _lol seek him. Quickly. lol_

So yes, Fresh out off one _very public_ office romance that lasted a few months and there I was, Innocently " _being friends_ " nothing sexual was happening but still, I was going to public places with this individual, I naively thought, _maybe he focused too much on work and is now making time for a serious relationship. Here's the KEY lesson, I_ should have _ASKED all my questions first and from the beginning!_. Shady, selfish People don't just cuff up the truths about themselves. They have incentives to mislead you especially if they know you'd bolt if you knew. In my little mind, married men usually wear rings and lead with this sorts of information. I never thought to ask until one afternoon, while my Colleague and I watched from our fifth floor window as he drove his _Porschè_ to my workplace to drop off lunch, Pizza or something she asked, " _how old did you say he was again?_ " I said 43, she said " _ask him why he's not married yet_ ".

I don't know why but I'm _glaaaaad_ I listened _immediately_. It felt like someone had just reminded me about something important _lol_ But by the time I got downstairs, my question was a _lotttt_ more direct than she suggested. With a straight face and as directly as I would ask a "how are you?, without warning or easing into it I said "are you married? _Completely caught of guard_ , I heard this man say something that _sounded_ like yes.

There are Clock handles that tick slower than how quickly everything shifted for me in that moment. He went on to say something along the lines of .. _he told himself he wouldn't lie if I had asked but he wouldn't tell me on his own either_. I smiled. What that simply told me was that he knew what my reaction would be and so decided do be dishonest. Heaven knows I wasn't angry, disappointed in myself yes, but nothing physical had happened and i was thankful to know.

Aside from contentment, I was taught about the temporary nature of " _nice things_ " lil girl, by the time to make that clean money, that God given money and start to buy these things or even have your _own_ shower you with everything you can ever want? guess what, those things people be bending and spreading to get will still be available in all them luxury stores and here's the best past, yours will be nicer, better and upgraded versions of everything because we all know, fashion get _Doper_ by the season love!. Don't be quick to covert some people lives especially when you know your heart won't let you do what they did and do to have it.

Back to the story, he offered a lot that day, Tuition, A car, literally said I'll give you the world. Me or my Father didn't have the money to afford all the things on offer to me that day, but in the minutes that followed his speech, he watched a very short response where I thanked him for his honesty, got out of the car and walked away. We couldn't remain friends after because he had started it with a lie.

I had been taught contentment. There are somethings that are too high a price to pay for nice things and a lush life. You would literally have to turn off a part of your soul to sleep at night. Sometimes these things can never be undone.

So _kid_ , Keep your head up, look that man right in his face, thank him for his offer, and close his _porschè_ door nicely. _lol and_ walk away smiling, knowing that one day your actual father could give you a whole dealership.

— That sweetie, is the standard.
An Italian Miracle

Even before she got married and had us kids, My Mother had dreams to travel the World. The sacrifice she made not to follow her dreams all those years was more than any of us could really appreciate at the time. Some mothers would've been spiteful instead of supportive, but my mom was seriously my biggest cheerleader. Always supportive of my big ideas, an eager listener, attentive and incredibly helpful.

As is often the case, My teenage years where the roughest for our relationship, because according to my father we were too much alike; (the _Jury's still out on that one),_ I have to admit though, every year I live, the more correct he seems. _lol._ We didn't even fight or argue often, It wasn't a frequency thing it was an intensity thing. We mostly got along until we didn't and we were both opinionated and passionate with strong convictions and eloquent ways of expressing them so our brawls made for very entertaining reality Television _lol_. We loved each other though and got over things really quickly, so as hot as they ran, they quenched easy and we're back to besties in no time. When we argued it wasn't pretty but when we were united it was a amazing.

She was strong and opinionated, playful and outspoken but firm. Courteous and tenacious yet incredibly kind, loyal and expressive, she gave more than she expected, she was sacrificial and completely in love with God. Of all the things she was loved and respected for, her creativity and infectious positivity were probably the most irresistible things about her. It didn't matter where we were or who was around she had the exact same effect on people, using every opportunity to start conversations that almost always ended up a conversation about the only Father she even knew. _God_.

I think we were at our best whenever we were united for a common goal. Her choice to submit to their ( _hers and my dad's)_ decision earlier in their marriage was bitter-sweet because I knew how much she wanted to travel the world but she had mad a commitment to a man who loathed traveling. _Lol._ As a child, I watched her spend her time on books upon books. She was a _hopeful_ romantic. I don't know if there was a romance book series with those _Fabio looking Hot, European, Good looking men with waist length hair_ on the covers that she didn't own. She had trunk loads and would often take me with her to the town's only " _bookstore_ " owner who stocked them. They had an exchange agreement going, so she was never out of new ones to read. _Of course She later traded them in for more faith based, Christian books but I remember those days. lol_

I imagine that as a young girl, newly married and stuck in the small town that's actually your hometown but having dreams of exploring the world, those books gave her an escape from her reality. A kind of the equivalent to traveling. These book plots were set in different Cities all over the world and I think she loved the distraction.

My father was quite the opposite, dude always had both feet firmly on the ground, didn't even desire to travel in the least. Except for work and usually national but that was as far as his travel ambitions went _lol_. Apart from a quick family trip to Dubai, we hadn't gone overseas as a family before and then Italy happened to me.

I had been accepted into this really cool school to study a really cool course I loved and was going to live there for a year. So you can imagine what a unique opportunity this was for her _lol_ one he could no longer argue with or refuse. She was Registrar at a University at the time and didn't even have leave time left _lol_ but she insisted on coming with me to get me settled in. I was so excited for the company and _Honestly, I was low key terrified to travel so far alone. lol_

Milan almost didn't happen for me though. There was an older gentleman who wanted to have, in his word a " _friendship_ " with me. I walked away from that offer because he was married ( _long distance_ ) and tried to hide it. Wouldn't have even gotten past _Hello_ if I had known. Anyway, during a phone conversation one day talking about what was next for my life, he suggested a Masters in something creative. He was the one who first mentioned this, it wasn't on my mind at all. He said since I already had an idea of building a career in business and had a love for fashion, I should consider specializing in that particular Industry and utilizing my Business Degree. I gave it a thought and decided it was good for me. Maybe Its just one of those God orchestrated things sparked by that one moment because he just planted that seed and exited my life. When I found out he was married, long distance or not, I decided we couldn't be friends.

I went on to research on Fashion Schools in the five fashion capitals, _lol_ Milan, Paris, London, Hong Kong and New York. I prioritized the ones with Scholarship Programs and Competitions. After checking out the Tuitions and considering my Father who had just returned from an unsuccessful, brutal and straining, two year Governorship Election Campaign, I knew money wasn't so abundant so I made a decision. I remember telling my mother about it and she sounded skeptical and suggested that I worked for a year to save towards it, but _being the faith junkie she was_ she suggested I go ahead and apply to the schools and that God would provided or it, if it was His plan for me.

I zoned in on Domus Academy in Milan. They had a Scholarship Competition which I entered. I cant remember what the Essay topic was or what category I entered but I know it sounded very intimidating. I didn't understand the concept and I underestimated how developed your ideas needed to be at this institution _(as I would later find out_ ).

I had no school admissions Agent, I dealt with all the schools directly. I didn't really spend a lot of time working on the completion Essay either but I remember asking daddy to proofread it. Since it was in the final month of my NYSC, I was preoccupied with signing out activities but thank God I made the deadline and submitted _on the very last day. lol_

About Two weeks later I got a reply informing me that while I hadn't won the Scholarship, I was admitted to that session to study what I applied for. Masters in Fashion Management. Half excited, I printed out all the brochures and with as much information on the school as I could possible fit in, I prepared this elaborate Presentation to my Parents ( _mostly daddy_ ) _lol_ on why they should let me go to Milan for a year. He was quiet and only asked a few questions at the end. I explained that I understood it was a tough time to be making this request but I told him I was going on a fast and asked if they would join me to specifically pray about the funds needed for this. He didn't seam phased by my request just my choice of specialization. He said to give him some time and he informed me after a week he was onboard.

The month that followed saw me figure out all that was required to made this thing happen. In that process, I had to go to Lagos to submit the Visa Application on my own. That weekend, God asked me to sow some money I had sold my blackberry and another phone for, which I wanted to use to buy my favorite blackberry at the time _lol_. It was the sleekest one I had ever seen, it was all screen with just three buttons. Aesthetically, it was in my opinion the best blackberry had ever done. I wanted to buy it but didn't want to add to my already crazy list of demands from Ocholi. If I remember correctly it was called the AZ10. It's even funny that I remember because I _never_ remember the serial names of any gadgets _ever_.

Sitting at that year's Shiloh Conference, (my first one ever) he asked me to give that and so I put everything in the offering basket. This was the biggest thing I ever sowed, Scared but prayerfully, I dropped it all. I Went back to Abuja and started using this tiny phone I had just thankful that God had asked me for something for the first time. Really just testing out my baby faith _lol_ but that's the thing with God, a millet sized faith is all he needs to work with.

Fast forward two weeks, maybe days to the deadline to complete my tuition nothing seemed to have _worked_ because my Visa hadn't even gone through, like I had no reply whatsoever from the Consulate. I was starting to wonder if they had even gotten it. _lol_

First thing that happened, my Father comes home one day from work and just calls me to his room and hands me the _exact_ phone I wanted to buy. I could not believe it! I was jumping like there were springs in my feet. _Omg_ how did he know?! I was _freakin out!,_ He _never_ knows these gadget type things. God had just blown my little mind that night. It took me three whole days to launch the phone because that's how amazed I was by this, that felt like God was saying _hold on to your socks baby I'm about to shock you. lol_

I finally start using the new _miracle_ phone and my amazingly vivaciously spontaneous mama decides, you know what Ojoné, I cannot let my baby resume school so far away without me, and I'm like first of all, since when am I your baby? And second, why can't I resume alone again mother? _lol_ Why you getting all _dotting mama now lol_ but here's the thing, when Blessing says something like this to you, its because its happening and telling you is really just a formality _lol_ so sure enough, I spent the entire next day putting together her own separate Application documentation and submitting it at the Abuja branch of the Visa Center.

So lets do a quick recap; Two people (Mom and Me) are now going on the same trip, we've applied at two separate application Centers in two different Cities, on two different dates for a one educational situation that wasn't even paid for yet. All caught up? lol

Kay so, Boom No 1, my Dad comes home and announces that my Tuition was fully paid. Boom No 2, Next day, He buys my Mother _my_ dream car. _I can explain lol. F_ or about a year, He and I had been having this on-again off-again conversation about getting me a car for graduation. He promised me one if I graduated with a good grade and I did. One year in, no word on my car yet but he had never actually asked what exact kind I wanted, he just kept making suggestions and some ( _picanto_ ) threats, _lol._ I honestly didn't think he could afford it, he just came back from running a tedious and financially tasking Governorship Election which meant he hadn't really worked in a few years so I was being the understanding daughter not wanting to stress the man. So imagine all our surprise when he sends home a beautiful new silver Honda Accord for his wife.

_Naturally, immediately I saw it I was full on freaking out telling anyone that'd listen omg my father loves me so much!_... _lol_ well, let's just say that by evening I became very aware that that Car wasn't for me. _Alllll_ that research he was doing was for his actual favorite girl the whole time. _His Wife_.

So yes the man miraculously bought my Mother my dream car _lol_ what a mean joke right? But then I consoled myself like _"girl you're going to school anyway don't be greedy, he's paying your tuition and allowances..." lol._ Weeks passed, Christmas came and was fantastic but I had a week left to resume at Domus on January 3rd, there was still no news on our Visa applications and then it happened. I'm driving my mother's new car ( _borrowed without permission_ ), I cant even remember where I was headed that day, I get a call from the Lagos Italian Consulate basically saying I needed to get to their office immediately. I get on a plane that night and go to the office the next morning.

The place looked like a Ghost Town. There was so few Staff around, I was wondering what's happening. Later, I find out that the Consular General had decided to make an exception for my case and interview me himself. Bear in mind, this is on a Public Holiday. He wanted to decide for himself if I should be allowed into his Country or not. I later find out from the senior staff who had pulled the strings for this massive favor to happed without even knowing who I was that He had made an appeal for my case to be treated specially because he looked at my _WESSCE_ grades ( _which i needlessly attached to my application_ ) and in his words he thought, any girl that can get grades like these, deserves a chance at studying wherever she wants. _Hallelujah! lol_

I was so moved by that because it was so obvious God orchestrated that this American stranger working at an Embassy would hook me up in a way no connection I had ever could. And he used the _WASSCE_ result from _that_ my second attempt that was 8 B2s. Within hours he handed me both our Visas as he told me not to let him down and that I should go to Milan and _ace_ that Course. Just like that, barely two days to my resumption, our Visa were out and flights booked! It was sealed, I was going to Milan for a year. _Boom no 3._

The whole thing reads like a movie right? That's because it was a _miracle_ from A to Z. If you understand the processes involved in applying for an Italian Visa as a young single Nigerian Woman, you would be amazed at what a testimony this is.

That whole trip was blur that's how much fun we had. Just experiencing each other in a different environment, doing things we'd have never done at home together. _lol_ even meeting new people in that freezing weather was great. We did everything we wanted, explored everything that crossed our minds, went shopping, explored the city sites, went to dinners, discovered our joined love for IKEA and just talked as we set up my Apartment.

I remember how cold it as and how fun it was experiencing each other like that. This shared experience made us closer than ever also me being so far away for that long for the first time definitely brought us closer. In the mornings, She _explored_ while I was at induction activities on Campus and we hung out in the evenings finding different Restaurants on the _Navilli_ that had an Aperetivo ( _happy our_ ) and shopping for my needs for the new house.

I am forever grateful to God for haven given me such an amazing light for a Mother. I didn't treat her as well as I could have, the older I got the more focused I became on money and my career, the more I tended to avoid her because she wanted to take every chance to remind me the important things of life like family and yes marriage. _lol_

I was so not focused on those, I thought I didn't want to wait to be married and then have someone tell me to give up my career and dreams to raise our children, I was bent on building first, preferably before he came. In my small mind, that way it would be harder to make that dreaded request of me. I was afraid to repeat mom's experience.

What my childish thinking completely omitting was the truth that no two marriages are the same. God's vision for their marriage is guaranteed to be different from mine. If I could do it over, she would know how much I loved and appreciated her sacrificial decision & journey every single day.

I have no doubt Mom and I would have been surgery buddies and business partners by now. I will probably always remember her as happy as she was in Milan that week. No joke IKEA might be her favorite place on Earth. The Woman lit up like a star in that place surrounded by all those beautiful _affordable_ products, it was pure joy to watch. _lol_ By the end of our trip, I clearly remember her leaving for the Airport and me finally realizing how blessed and fortunate I was to have a mother _cray and savage_ enough to ditch work and follow me all those miles to set up.

Having her in my life will _even for a little while_ remains one of my life's coolest blessings. Instead of regretting I choose to celebrate and remain grateful and honored to have been hers and she been mine. The bond between mother and her first girl is hard to explain. I think it was obvious and part of me always knew that we would ultimately end up inseparable besties and allies in every aspect of life. The most comforting fact is that she is finally where she always seems so excited to be and with the person she loved the most ( _her favorite human being_ ) and the child she ( _deniably_ ) loved the most. _lol_

She's right now doing great. Better than ever, living her dream and still cheering me on. As she often quoted.... _all things even in this are currently working together for my good because I love God"..._ This lesson is the ultimate summary of my whole existence. Thank you Mawmaw, Just for existing. Until we get a chance for Milano Adventures 2.0.

— Te a mo.

After she left I remember crying. It suddenly dawned on me that it would be a full year before I saw her again. I couldn't dwell on what I was feeling though I had to get into _game mode_. It was very difficult in those first months, I knew the sacrifice it was taking to get and keep me there and So i was determined to _Ace_ it no matter what. I had a nice Apartment, it wasn't luxury but it was great six min walk from school and my favorite grocery stores, I had a room and three House Mates. Three amazing, funny, kind and really humble young women. A Turk, a Russian and a Chinese-Canadian _lol_ these girls would come to be home for the next 12 months.

They cooked, I mostly ate _lol._ They had many _many_ friends, I didn't. They were constantly entertaining guests, I barely did _lol_. it was obvious I was different. I barely even entered their rooms really, I was either in my room or out. That was my life. I loved going to parts of the City I hadn't been to and just walk around and take the Metro back. Since my Apartment was a short walk from school I didn't get to see the City much, so it was great to make the effort to see as much as my hectic schedule would allow.

Not gonna lie, those first three months were very sad and lonely, the learning curve was steep because the course structure was so different. It was a culture shock in every way, I didn't speak Italian which added an extra layer of hardship and basic paranoia. Just reading street signs and ordering at restaurants was a hassle, you know, basic things one would take for granted daily became real difficult and it was an adjustment being so dependent on others. In the end, it all worked out. I figured out what my priorities were and focused on things I could afford to do. I didn't do a lot of social activities at night to avoid dangerous situations where I wouldn't even be able to communicate but when I did it was in a group. I only dined at restaurants based on recommendations and also typically in company.

It should be stated ( _at least once_ ) that a Masters Degree in ANYTHING at Domus Academy is no joke. The sheer amount of Projects and Lectures required in the typical Domus Student's weekly workload is a lot by _any_ standard. Every Month we got a new Brief working on new a Project with a new set of People solving new Problems. Having to manage all kinds of personalities was a challenge at first but in the end, it became exciting and an opportunity to learn from the many beautiful, interesting and diverse cultures from many different Countries. _lol_

I thank God for the young women in my year because for the most part, there was no drama. Everyone was focused on getting the best outcomes and I was cool with that. I wasn't the most social because I knew I didn't have the budget to shop and travel so much which a lot of people did. I was coming from a purely academic background with no _hands on,_ experiences in my formal education. The most practice I had in business was the entrepreneurial practical classes I took each year in University but the classes were usually too large and non of it was in Fashion or Management and now here I was discussing real life tasks from real life companies with real life teams executing these ideas and concepts in real time.

When I tell you that was far out of my comfort zone, I mean _far_. _lol_ I had never experienced any of those scenarios in any learning environment I had ever been so needless to say, I knew it would be a challenge. We were 19 girls, _yep_ , there was no dude in my class. _lol_

So many incredible things happened in that year but that I could have probably enjoyed more if I wasn't so preoccupied with school. I was probably overwhelmed a little, not to mention I was home sick for the most parts. In the middle of all that, I remember calling home and saying to my Mom that I wasn't so sure how it was going to turn out, and I just wanted to apologize in advance in case I didn't Ace it _. lol_ " _I feel morally obligated to give you a heads up mum"..._ , I think my exact words were. l _ol_ I really wasn't sure I would do a great job guys.

The program was structured in a way that you had seven group Projects and 1 individual one in the twelve month period. Your final grade was derived from a combination of all your group performances and your personal Thesis at the end of the year. It was the most work I have ever done in my entire life.

I was considerate of what the financial implications of living a fun life would be on my dad. I don't know why but for some reason I just always wanted to protect him and make things easier for him _always_. My sisters and I have always done that, so in that year, being surrounded by more ways to spend money than one can ever explore, I needed to deprive myself of certain things. However, in spite of that self imposed strict budget, I'm happy that I got to travel a bit, visiting places like Rome, Paris, Lake Como and Manchester. The language barrier ensured that I wasn't romantically involved with anyone _lol_. ( _this should be another boom_ ) It made it really hard to date and thank God. I needed to focus anyway, it was really easy shutting down guys like me no speak Italiano lol I'm kidding but that definitely put a barn on guys for me all year, which I didn't mind, I needed to focus anyway to increase my chances of killing it. _lol_

Here's God again, the dreaded Thesis came and passed like a breeze. I locked myself in my Apartment armed with a killer playlist of _Katie Perry_ and _Kesha_ and one free youtube playlist of Nigerian Hit Songs of 2013 and got to work. It was tougher writing this than it was doing my Undergrad Project for sure. The requirements were clear and there were no group members to help. It was just me working on the project for the first time.

We had 4 months to Submit a completely developed, feasible business Idea. It had to fit into a framework within the Fashion Business Ecosystem, which we had studied and worked on throughout the year, everything from Product Design and Development to Communications, Retail Management, Merchandising, Buying etc. We had to write about 90 Pages minimum plus Research, as well as make a 30 Slide Presentation consisting of the highlights of our Concepts.

Like the team Projects, our ideas needed to be fully developed and partially executed. I chose to develop a _Luxury Lifestyle Retail Group_. There where no theoretical solutions allowed, every single aspect of an idea needed to be explored, either be produced, prototyped or at the very least designed with a workable sketch.

If your Product required a Promotional Video, you were to expected to produce said video by first making your proposed product and then shooting the Campaign. If it was a Store Concept, you basically had to design the business from start to finish. We had to build a functioning website, create Retail Strategies, draw up Floor Plans, Create Social Media Pages already filled with content, think up Innovative and attention grabbing guerrilla marketing initiatives that needed to be executed and tested like that _shit_ was no joke. _lol_

It was intense, serious and with No tolerance for _bullshitting_. You had to create and then pitch your idea to a very diverse panel of Industry Experts that included representatives from various Companies sometimes including CEOs and Huge Magazine Editors. We worked with existing, globally relevant fashion brands on real life Projects with real market implications. This also had real implications on us because your grades depended on the group's performance which determined for final grade. I must admit that by the end of the year I was more tolerant of people and more confident which was great because I was then able to go into working on the Thesis project alone a lot less intimidated. I because of the six prior project experiences.

In the beginning though guys, I was _fully_ aware that I was in over my head, _lol_ nobody needed to tell me, but as it is with most things in my life, this is where God steps in and just runs _shit lol_. When you get to the end of yourself, I'm telling you, He takes over. _God lovvves this place by the way, because you get out the way and He can get to work without interruptions._ It happened again with writing this book.

I remember praying and asking for His help the night I started writing and researching, before I knew it, in just three weeks I was done with most of it and starting to get great feedback from my Coordinator and in another three, I had completed my everything including the 30 slide Highlights/Presentation.

Anything ( _and there were many_ ) I didn't know how to do, God showed me how or the right person to involve and they were kind enough to pitch in. Like a dream, just like that It was finished!

Presentation day came, first time doing it solo and that too passed with raving Reviews. That December in 2013, I graduated with a Distinction I was completely shocked because I didn't know the Thesis did so good. It gave my grade to push I needed, all that _sweat and tears_ had paid off, I was coming home to thank my Parents ( dad especially) with the highest grade possible. Don't think this one slipped by me guys, A _fuckin DISTINCTION_. Boom no 5 _lol_

That year, 2013 was the first full year I ever spent without going to church. It ironically was also the closest I had felt to God. I left Milan filled with faith and assurance that with Him, I really could to Anything.

— The last one (for this Story) That My dream Car? That Dad savagely bought for his  
Wife?, That sleek, silver beaut? when I got back home after that year? she gave it to me.

BOOM!!!
God is my Source, A Cavalli Story

The Highlight of life in Milan for me has to be meeting Mr _Roberto Cavalli_. I use the word _meet_ loosely because I Kidd you not guys, I _Ojonè faith Ocholi_ was completely frozen, like frozen _SOLID lol._ I was completely star struck which apparently for me means to be stiff and silent and just watch and pay very close attention in some failed attempt to remember as many details as possible. _lol_ I had never been in the presence of that magnitude of greatness in my life before. I don't know how but I didn't even hear that he was coming to Domus that day.

I came to the Hall expecting some random lecture probably in Italian. _(I once had to sit through a whole lecture on the history of dresses guys lol_ ) Nothing against dresses or history but... I digress, i rushed into the crowed Hall, dashed to the back to find a spot that wouldn't obstruct anyone and still completely unaware of who was speaking. After a steeling in I lifted my eyes and there he was. I could NOT believe my eyes, In the _Fuckin_ flesh! standing 10 feet away, wearing a pair of blue Jeans with a white Shirt, an expensive looking Blazer and a pair of sunglasses! Standing in front of me was a man who's Runway Shows I had watched for years on Fashion Tv, who's designs I have watched the _Stars_ wear on _multiple_ Red Carpets events, on _big budget_ Movie screens and in Fashion Magazine pages. Who's branded T-shirts ( _mostly the fake versions_ ) _lol_ I had seen across the chests of guys everywhere!,

The man who's Surname is the only one that comes to _my_ mind when I hear the word Roberto was standing right in that room talking about his creative process, and sharing stories from his life and talking about owing all of his inventions and success to God and about to accept an honorary Masters Degree in _my_ School from _my_ Program! ( _Boom number what are we on? lol_ ) This was mind blowing to me.

After speaking, he came by the Cafeteria for a short meet & greet. Students gathered taking photos and starting conversations, When I tell you, I was still frozen? _lol_ that had _nevvver_ happened to me before but it's ok though because I got the important message loud and clear that day..." _Remember the Lord thy God for it is He that gives you Power to get wealth"..._ coming from him, I will remember it forever.

About 15minutes later he got into his shinny black Mercedes Benz with the _Model looking_ Driver and disappeared. The whole thing felt like it was happening in slow motion, that's how profound that moment was. It was more profound than a pinch me moment _lol. It was a story for my grandchildren moment for sure._

As is typical with the hectic student life I led that year, I'm not even sure I stopped to process what that day meant to me, but all these years later I catch myself thinking about it and feeling overwhelmed all over again filled with gratitude to the God that made a black American stranger working at the Italian Embassy so impressed with an expired second sitting WAEC Result to influence an emergency screening for my Visa Application, during a Christmas holiday. Till this day I've never seen that man again, I don't even know his name but Sir, on behalf of my _Mother_ and _Me, Grazie e Dio ti benedica._

WAEC is a school leaving examination for high school students seeking admissions to most Universities for west African Students.
TBN is my Church

I got the pep-talk of a lifetime like only a Father would some eight months after the accident. At this point, I wouldn't even listen to a godly song. I was convinced everything I had known and was taught all my life was a lie. Any talk or thought of God was nonexistent, I was overweight, a recluse, riddled with fear, constantly in pain, drinking a lot and pretty much just existing.

For the second time in our lives I was living in shared compound and we were getting robbed literally every other day. Generators, clothes, my Car Keys, you name it. The place was to not safe. You could be lying down and someone would literally slide your window open and reach in for stuff on your table. At first, I was terrified and then I got angry. Angry because after all my family had been through one demon possessed _mother fucker_ couldn't wear his humanity long enough to stop himself from even thinking to steal our _shit_. How demonic do you have to be to consistently target a household that just lost so much? that level of _fuckery_ was beyond.

It was unimaginable, it truly surpassed anything I ever thought possible and yet that seemed to be my new reality. One of those nights staying up, killing mosquitos trying to eat my sisters alive ( _we shared a room at the time_ ) in an apartment that a colleague of my Fathers had given us to stay, One of those sad nights people, the chair in my room begins to spin. If I could swear, I would but I cant make you believe so its up to you. This Chair spun until I felt like it meant I should sit in it and so I did.

For the next 5 hours I had a conversation with a person that can only be God. I think after watching my foolishness for those months, real foolish choices, foolish talk, foolish thoughts, just all round foolishness. He wasn't _fuckin_ around anymore. He just stopped by that night to have a conversion about all my " _grievances_ ".

The entire _conversion_ was built on some very direct questions, none of which I could answer. Here they are;

_1._ _He asked if I thought I loved my Family more than He does._

2. He wanted to know what part I played in ending up in the family I did.

3. He asked where I was when the conversation of what family I would be placed into took place and where I was when they (my parents) made the prayers asking for me.

4. He asked me to show him the part of His Word that says the ones I love would never die and live forever (this part was very cinematic too complete with a bible on the table to show him and everything) lol

5. Next, He asked which of mine and my siblings needs since the accident he hadn't more than provided for.

6 Finally, He asked if I believed my family members who are with him where doing good, and finished the night off by saying so if they where doing fine and we here are doing fine what the fuck was I so pissed about?

Well People, I _Ojoné Faith Ocholi_ am very quick witted, I almost always have and I always will be. Always armed with the perfect response to almost everything, God alone gave me this gift. Such sharp rebuttal skills no doubt contributed to everyone thinking I would be a lawyer as a child but I digress, I share all this to say that, on this particular night, I had absolutely nothing to say. _lol_. Absolute Silence. He ended the night by instructing me to get on my knees and say my first prayer in eight months and get up and climb the _fuckin_ treadmill and so I did.

Needless to say, everything changed that day. Nothing has been the same since, I have to take this opportunity to thank him for that wake up call. I needed that Pops. Thank you.

So to Everyone who has lost and been lost, felt pain so great you forget how life was without it, Anyone whose had their entire being shattered in a billion pieces and gradually reassembled. Ever had the wind knocked out of your lungs, ever gotten a VIP style private earthquake that you were so sure would be the end of you, Ever held your own heart in your hands, been so traumatized you watch your self outside of yourself, ever been dazed by the sharpest bend you couldn't imagine your life would ever take. To these ones, My tribe _lol_ if you take away nothing else from this book, Learn this, He loves you. He alone has the healing you need, Run to him, hold on even if it costs you everything, give him your pain and rest as you watch him put you back together better than you ever imagined.

The last part of the pep talk was about Church. He said since it was such a burden to me, until I am told otherwise, This chapter of my life was to be called TBN is my church. And so it was.

Yes, _TBN, Faith Television_ and _Daystar_ have been my "Church" for three years. I attend church all day everyday from preachers all around the world, been taught on countless topics by countless men and woman of God. It has been amazing. I go to churches in town as I'm lead from time to time, give where I'm told but my new church is global. As always He knew best. It has been the most incredible time of my life.

— A blood Father moment.

TBN is the Trinity Broadcasting Network; an American produced and globally distributed Christian Television Channel.
Fame

I recently watched a Hollywood Reporter Roundtable conversation, The panel was full of powerhouses like Jane Fonda, Kate Winslet and Blanchette, Jennifer Lawrence, etc. These Uber famous and successful omen sat ant discussed for an hour on the realities of woman and their personal experiences. It was such a riveting conversation, I think I watched it twice in a sitting not just because of the message but the people on that table who's perspectives where invaluable on that subject. There was something very powerful about seeing those people in one room discussing relevant topics. I started to think about how powerful women are as a collective, then I wondered if that talk would have been as impactful if they weren't as famous.

Fame is really something isn't it? Theres all kinds of reactions to it. It is revealing, empowering and enabling but it also exposes you to all kinds of judgement and brutal criticism, that can infuse so much fear and cripple you from trying. Some people crave it and would do anything for it, others dodge it like a plague. Whatever your perception you can't deny its power and influence on culture.

I hope that people who are blessed to have it recognize what a responsibility and calling it is to use that influence for more than personal gain. When you talk, people listen. We live in a world that needs to be more creative in the fight to spread positivity and love. The same applies to people with famous family members especially parents, Influence is a powerful tool. A side effect of having a famous parent is that you feel like you're always on the spot. I wish I learned sooner that it can also be a tremendous blessing and not been to negative and terrified about it. My father taught and lived by the belief that you have a responsibility to do right privately as you do publicly.

I can honestly say the man we all saw and loved outside was just as kind and forgiving and gracious and open, loving and sharing inside. Only difference is he talked less _My mother took over that particular department. She was skilled at it and was always saying something to someone at all times_ ( _that adorable one_ ) _lol_

Everyone deals with things differently and your journey is exactly that, yours. Thanks to social media platforms we all can be famous, the important thing is use the level you have to affect the world around you positively.

— spread love only

A Letter to Banner Boy

My beautiful Soul! It is so crazy to accept you're not here right now! you are refreshingly unapologetic, sleek, brave, driven, friendly, savvy, stylish, brilliant, ambitious, tenacious, curious, funny, opinionated, fun, vivacious, fearless, _Techy_ , hearty, my DJ, the words are endless my love. You where the hardest one to accept brother. Twenty- _Fuckn-One_ Years young though!? _oh my god!._ Everything ahead of you, the _freaking_ ink hadn't even dried on your graduation certificate.

Baby, heres what I know. Heaven is more fun, you are having a blast right now. You did everything before all of us anyways, circular music, expulsion from school, driving, drinking and sex, third one out the _womb-room_ but first at trying everything. l _ol_

If Aviici's there, you've sleeked your way to being his apprentice. You have a list of all the cool people you will stalk and befriend until y'all are besties _lol_. Your clothes are _swagged_ all the way out, your days are filled with adventure, hanging with Angels and finding secret spots to do your own things. _Lol_. God calls you Josh already and you're helping those two with all their gadget problems. I'm glad they have you _brov_. You keep a surveillance feed of Ele open all day, you're really enjoying calling dibs on the nice room _lol._ Thank you for being a good human. Your body expired but you're very alive. You're always on my mind, until we see and hang out to swap the latest songs and gossip about taking advantage of my boyfriend again. rock-on baba.

My favorite picture of you wearing Ray-Ban Sunglasses wearing a black turtle neck and sleek burgundy Blazer playing the piano at our tricked out Christmas Party that never happened here will happen up there.

— I love you. One day I'll show you.
Queen

You probably heard this already, but the other day a woman's both know said you've always carried yourself like a queen. I laughed and agreed with her. I'm glad she noticed because it didn't matter your address, what car you drove or designer _shit_ you didn't have, you knew something that took us all too long to recognize, that we are all royalty. When your father is a _King_ and you're married to one, it's kind of difficult not be regal.

Your warmth and kindness, infectious laugh and boldness to share the light you carried was beautiful to watch and grow up around. Your first love was God. You told anyone who would listen. Our Self Appointed National vigilante officer, _lol_ running our family affairs everyday was probably your favorite job description. I can think of more though, Therapist. Counsellor, Mentor & Friend. Theses _often_ unappreciated roles you played graciously and without complaining, we have now all come to value in your absence.

Thank you for discovering yourself quickly, for being content in the life that you had, standing up for injustices, sharing your unique perspective of life, telling your story to encourage young people, for giving even when we didn't have so much. Thank you for choosing to honor our Father, standing by him through every season, patiently loving him, sacrificing your wings to stay home and be his anchor. For learning God and teaching Him to us, For pushing us to strive for excellence and be conscious of Heaven and the responsibility of being light. Thank you of living what you preached and looking like the Christ you preached.

Thank you for normalizing a relationship with God, for opening up your relationship with him to us and showing us firsthand what a follower looks like. Thank you for unapologetically existing, therefore giving us all permission to do the same. Thank you for exemplifying a balance of brazing strength and wise gentleness. Thank you for fearlessly giving out love that your world never gave you. Thank you for finding the source and showing us all. Thank for teaching me to dream and value learning, for teaching me about love and how it matters. Thank you for being so radically different and showing us it's more than okay to be. Thanks for celebrating us kids, we were you proudest achievements.

I _Ain't gon lie Mama_ , I did _NOT_ do so good right after you left. It's taken a few years but I've finally found the way again.

Everyday I'm filled with pride to have come from you. A part of you is still here in all of us and that makes me so happy. I'm going to make sure my children hear what a wonderful gift you are. I'm so sorry, I just assumed we had more time. I knew you deserved better and I got impatient and couldn't see what a blessing was right around the corner for us. I wanted to go make the money and give it to you. I forgot you were already saved and didn't need saving. I forgot He _always_ has well oiled plans all along the way. If I mislead you I'm sorry. If me being away from home exposed you, I am sorry. I have to carry on trusting that it all serves a purpose greater than me.

Thank you for being the only friend I've ever had, for seeing all of my _fuckups_ and loving me completely.

Thanks for your tangible support, for celebrating my dreams and speaking them into existence. You deserve the Universe and now you have it. I don't even want to think about your shoe collection too much while writing this ( _I'm trying to pour out my heart out here, lol_ )

I'm sorry I let my blind ambition skew my vision, you were right, that wasn't the right move for me then. Those last months I did a lot to hide them _fuckups_ from you but now you see me. I'm only sorry we never got to see what you were capable of, Everything was perfectly aligned, Your awesomeness was about to be unleashed! finally free of all the things that stood in your way all your life but your death is probably the final victory. The plan is still on course it never changed. I know now it's all intentional.

This is still the best outcome according _His_ plan. Knowing this, I am completely at peace. You always did act and live like you weren't really impressed by this place anyways _lol_ always only half here. You never really fit in and that made the atmosphere around you so different.

Above all, I'm glad you are now home with the love of your life and your favorite _pikin_. I didn't say or show it nearly enough but you know by now that I love you.

— Until we hang out again, just watch us.
Letter to Dada

It's impossible to explain the bond that can exist between a Father and Daughter, this was definitely very true for us. Sometimes I think you were taken from me because I adored you too much.

I'm not sure I ever truly _meant_ my love for God while you were here. All I loved was you. Loving _Him_ felt a little wrong _lol._ How stupid right?. I know that you loved him completely, I'm sorry, you were just so great I'm not sure I could focus on him as completely as He requires. Since you've been gone, Knowing _Him_ now is amazing. I'm _not_ sorry to say that's he's so much better at this _lol_.

I miss you everyday. I cry whenever I need to but most times it's out of joy that you now have a life you deserve, amongst people who deserve you, doing things deserving of you.

I had no say in choosing you for a father, I hit the jackpot the day I was born. I've seen the pictures, you loved me from the second you saw me and I felt that every day of my life. Thank you for treating me like your Princess, Thank you for your sacrificial love, Thank you for always being excited to hear my voice. Thank you for calling my name every morning, just making sure we saw before you left for the house, Thank you for giving me everything I needed, thank you for sitting through my outrageous powerpoint presentation asking for obscene things _lol_. Thank you for working day and night to give us a better life that you got, thank you for teaching me work ethic by example. Thank you for staying up to study for cases, Thank you for being so grounded and steady.

Thank you for treating my mother so well, thanks for striving for greatness regardless of your background. Thanks for daring to be brave, Thank you for showing me the power of obedience, Thank you for being exemplary in every way, Thank you for giving so much, thank you for supporting my dreams excitedly and no matter the cost. Thank you for accepting your spoiled little, _sometimes_ selfish baby. _lol_

I am humbled by your testimony, I didn't know you reached so many hearts. I didn't get to see you in your element, kicking legal _asses_ in Court, _lol_ so I took you for granted. I didn't see you on Campaign so I didn't see how awesomely you did it.

That Screening Interview was _badass_ but I wasn't surprised, no one who really knew you was. Thanks for finishing well, Thanks for raising the bar. Thanks for showing me my worth with honor and respect. Thanks for _acing_ everything you ever touched and showing me a closeup look at what it means to be an excellent soul. I know that it was _Him_ all along working through you and that makes me even prouder because it takes wisdom to humble ones self to be directed by God in the way that you chose to live out your life.

I have this picture in my mind, we are sitting in my backyard chilling by my pool, after a birthday party for one of your grand kids, drinking wine and you're telling me how proud you are of me. I know your body expired but you're very alive and well. Thank Jesus you're alive.

So while it will take some time, I will see you again. Rest until then. By the way, that last conversation we had about Curtains _vs_ Window Blinds at home? you were right. _lol_

— You already know that I love you.
A letter to you, Reader

Writing this book has been such an eye opening experience. Before I did this, to even focus long enough to complete writing an Essay of as little a two pages was a real struggle for me. So the fact that this was written and developed in the time frame it has is a freakin Miracle.

This has given me a rare opportunity to look at my Story so far for the first time as a whole. I've evaluated the different stages I've been through, seen the many Lessons and I found that I haven't always been the smartest in situations or even always made the correct decisions.

I have seen many cases where I was naive and too trusting when I should've stepped back and been more vigilant. However, I've also realized the ways these moments have made my story fuller with the added bonus of now being more empathetic for the flaws of Others. My self righteous ass has found that I've got some flaws too and that has been freeing.

Renewing a mind takes time and dedication. The process of changing a mind can be excruciating but I can testify it to be completely worth it. This Walking by Faith and not by sight thing people keep throwing around and no one seems to actually teach real, everyday applications on doing it can be nauseating but profitable and worth the commitment. I've found that it's not a theological statement, it's a practical one.

In our current world of instant gratification as the standard of cultural normalcy, it's not on trend to inform you that this particular upgrade will not happen in a few minutes, all them deep rooted things in you that are already set need to be torn down. That's right, the first order of business is actually to break the fucking thing and start over. Lol. You get to keep recyclable parts of the rubble but some parts you've got to throw out and work to build new bricks.

Consider for second a how long it's taken you to build the mind you currently operate. The complex nature of the human mind alone makes it normal to expect that It's going to take longer than it takes a machine to upgrade your operating software. The information you allow into your mind is the OS (Operating Software) your brain-mind-computer runs on. Until we download and install these upgrades, nothing changes.

It is your job and no one else's to start searching out and applying these upgrades through the things we intentionally consume whether it's through books, sermons, lectures, entertainment, food and in whatever form. Our world will remain the same until we make these needed changes.

There is power in stories and that's why I've always been so drawn to them. Even the simplest ones can be packed full of incredible lessons, a new perspective, different vantage points that broaden your view or at the very least keep you open to the possible pitfalls in the particular scenario. That's why books and movies are so important because they are by far the most effective forms of conveying these lessons from one generation to the next. Therefore, it's our shared responsibility to reassess what's available to us and upgrade it for the ones coming, to keep us from moving in circles & avoiding past mistakes.

I especially love that even fictional stories soon become realities as life and art have been proven not to be as distinct as we've been marketed into thinking. Even the most abstract of stories is based on or inspired by a real thought or experience and yes some are stretched to spheres we deem impossible.

Everyday the world is changing. The creation of the Internet has made so many things previously considered impossible really now within reach. Just Recently I watched a video of a man confined to a wheel chair as a result of a robbery incident in Brazil, with complete lack of movement from the neck down, I watched him drive a race car with his mind using Neuro Technology developed in Australia by a Vietnamese female immigrant in her 40's.

The unlikelihood of those exact odds and exact scenarios in the lives of these two people coinciding in this kind of life altering tangible way is what makes stories so compelling. The fact that one person's journey and thought in one mind can radically improve the life of another and create opportunity previously thought to be impossible is why I love storytelling in this era. In this context, God is the master Story Teller.

We all have stories being played out right now, everyday you are alive is a new opportunity to write a new thrilling page with your Director. The very next minute isn't guaranteed, so know that you're never too young to be thinking of a legacy. In the end, The stores(lives) that matter the most are those that stretch beyond the immediate self and touched another. The more meaningful these intersections, the more relevant a life.

I often ask myself why many International brands don't specifically invest so much in Africa, even though we are guaranteed customers of these amazing products Among other reasons, I figured there's a real culture of imitation. This is far more obvious in the world of fashion. Designers stores are nearly non existent here, even the high street brands aren't here because the culture of copying is so deeply embedded. Look at the Art industry, music and movies that cannot thrive as they have the obvious potential to because of this imitation, books aren't exempted either.

In a sea of problems to be solved we have multiple players in the same fields because it's easier to follow than innovate. Instead of finding another problem to solve people watch for good idea not to support but to emulate. Another obvious example is the ever thriving fairly used car industry. All Customs problems aside, there's a real need for a mentality shift. A shift to Something that reflects that you think yourself deserving of the real thing. I don't know where this came from but it's time for a reorientation.

Unboxed is a call to start a real conversation on making these shifts. Hopefully sparking honest discussions anywhere to tackle all these proverbial Elephants in all our rooms.

I think Authenticity births individuality and vice versa. We all benefit from you discovering yourself and your unique offer. There are way too many hypocritical situations that are too "taboo" to even acknowledge but are happening and the effects on society are harder to conceal. Until we start facing these painful truths and have real man-in-the-mirror-type moments, nothing is going to change.

Watered down Physics lingo explains that when something is going in a direction it will continue until something changes it's direction. How is the most blessed generation ever the most depressed generation ever? In an era where keeping up with the joneses is a global sport, Comparison is doing more damage than depression, it is forcing imitation at self erasing magnitudes that we are only now beginning to really see and feel the implications.

Loosing yourself has never been easier. Everyone looks like a version of something you've seen before. This generation needs a radical wake up call to start focusing on what our individual stories are? Who are you designed to be? This transcends physical looks and lifestyles, it's deeper than that. It is independence of thought, fearless deviation from crowd mentality and the audacity to think and believe different in a tangible way that's reflective in your actions and opinions.

The brave choice to stop and filter newly accepted norms through age old wisdoms and personal convictions, letting Peace be your Compass. You are not a mass produced Clone. You are a limited edition with a broken mold.

Put your focus off self and to God. Ironically, It's the only way to find yourself. Love is depleted around us because the instruction is to love our neighbors as ourself, "AS" is equal to and it's most efficient when you first know and are comfortable with loving yourself. You can't love a self you haven't even known yet talk much less of accepting. Without this, you go out into the world unable to love that neighbor because everything looks like a threat in the absence of a sure knowledge of who you are and are not.

I believe there's a strong link between the drug epidemic right now and the level of pain and suffering that has become the new normal in these times. So many people are hurting and now there's all kinds of "legal" and illegal ways to attempt to treat all these emotional wounds in hopes of getting some semblance of relief. I know because in these past two years, I've tried the things I've only read about in books and seen on Tv while thinking to myself that can never be me.

Alcohol, Cigarettes, Sex and Marijuana. None of it worked. If anything, it made it worse. Many people end up compounding the problem by becoming dependent on these substances for daily survival. The decline in joy, contentment and overall love and peace in our homes and relationships are a product of these new normals. I've always said I don't have addictive tendencies but that's not completely true, everyone does. I've just been very blessed to have been delivered from these things. It is exactly that, a Miracle because I don't even remember if I made any effort to stop. It's like God flipped a switch and I forgot to even want any of it. I do have the occasional wine though lol. Joking aside, If you knew how much I drank these past three years, this is a fucking Holy Spirit induced, instant Miracle which I can't even take any credit for in any shape or form. Period. I can only keep it real with you. He did it for me.

I'm well aware of how bound a lot of young people become to these destructive habits, what starts out innocent or trendy ends up being a trap in a cycle that can't be broken. I never tried the heavier substances but I know it's a slippery slope and a slow progression with these things and so many people loose their lives unable to break away. The insatiable quest for a high can be the difference between life and death for someone, and so I'm eternally thankful.

I am now filled with a level of empathy that I didn't have before, sitting on my high horse judging people enslaved by these things. Now I understand better, and because I understand I can help with it. Countless people struggle daily to rid themselves of all types of addictions, the only remedy I have is what I know, unless God intervenes, addictions don't just drop off. What I'm sharing is the honest truth. For me, as Randomly as it came it was gone. I got in an instant what takes countless people Years of self will and rehabilitation attempts to attain. Sharing this for me is a must. This is how the miracle I've received will not be in vain.

Finally, Here's what I've learned about true joy and Peace. No habitually induced state can give it. It starts inside of you and is maintained internally. Expecting anyone or anything but your maker to give these to you is setting yourself up for guaranteed pain and disappointment. It's important to know that No institution, Person, or Place can give it to you either. As nice as acceptance from people is, that love is short lived, leaving you with the same cravings you started with. That's why peer pressure is so fatal, it locks you in a loop impossible to satisfy.

The danger of getting your sense of self and worth externally and worse, from strangers cannot be overstated. The kind of joy that comes from being a lover of the God permeates everything else. All "neighbors" will be beneficiaries of the love that it brings.

_Look around, we need peace but before that happens our world needs love. Maybe reading this can be the Voice that triggers the change in our collective consciousness that'll make the shift towards a better direction towards finally being_ _One_ _._

—A Young James and his Blessing.

— James & Blessing in their thirties, Young Parents of 2 children, running their separate businesses & Living in Ankpa, Nigeria.
— James & Blessing, Young and Loved.

— James with friend & (right) playing tennis in secondary school

— Ocholi's Graduation Day from the University of Jos, Nigeria from the Faculty of Law & Blessing as a Student.

— Teenage James (left) hanging out with mates in Secondary School. lol, & His young widowed Mother

— Blessing with friends & At her Water Baptism.

— Blessing's 21st Birthday Party in her College Dormitory at The University of Jos
— At Ocholi's Call to the Nigerian Bar & Blessing's Graduation from the University of Jos Nigeria with a Degree in Economics Education

— James receiving a School Award & At his National Youth Service Corp Camp Grounds, In Calabar, Nigeria

— Blessing (with her guardian's daughter) while living in the 1004 Apartment Buildings in Lagos Nigeria & Her Prince.
— Brand New Lawyer James & Blessing, his soon to be Wife. lol

— James & Blessing's Wedding day behind the- scenes Photoshoots In Ankpa. lol. In 1988 with her Bridesmaid and his only Groomsman.

— James & Blessing's Marriage Family Introduction and Wedding Ceremonies.
— Blessing At her National Youth Service Corp Camp, Newly Wed and Pregnant with Me! lol

— Me meeting James for the first time, lol and with Blessing's Mother. Also getting dressed for the first time by the Nurses In Ankpa General Hospital In 1989.

— Baby Ojoné
—My Hardcore Daddy's Girl Phase &Birthdays

— And then they were Two. lol Family welcomes baby Aaron.

— _Photos of Ojoné In Nursery/Primary Schools In Ankpa._ _(_ _4th from the left middle Row & Middle of First Standing Row)_
— _A_ _swagged out Baby Joshua_

—The Joshua Ocholi.

— The Family with Guests at a Party in the Compound in Ankpa, Kogi State & A Musical performance by the original three Amigos. lol

—Birthdays, Picnics and Church Testimony Time (Bottom left) & Family with Relatives at the dedication of new Home, In Ankpa

— And then came Uyojo, yet another Blessing Ocholi lol (Was terrified of Photographs for some reason) She was so adorable. Still.

— The Family moves to Lagos.

— In swooped Excellent Eleojo Ocholi lol

— The Family moves to Abuja Nigeria & Ocholi becomes a Senior Advocate of Nigeria.

— James's Parties & Thanksgiving Ceremony for becoming a SAN In 2007 in Abuja Nigeria.

— James, Blessing and The Boys at a Family Photoshoot in Abuja.

— _James &_ _Blessing at a_ _Secret_ _Anniversary_ _  
_ _Photoshoot in_ _2013. lol_

— The One, the Only (almost) Dr Blessing Fatima Ocholi lol at her 50th Birthday  
Photoshoot in 2012.

— James takes one final bow at his Legendary Ministerial Screening Interview before the Nigerian Senate in Abuja.
— James is sworn in as a Minister of The Federal Republic of Nigeria in 2015. He was 54.

— The Family at the Thanksgiving Party for Jame's new position as Minister of State for Labor & Productivity in Abuja, Nigeria.

— Earth-suits Buried
A Tribute by the State for James after the Accident & their deaths in March 2016

— Us

About the Author

Ojonè wrote this introspectively _partly_ as a form of therapy but mostly on a deeply personal Quest. A brutally honest, _bullshit_ free quest to summarize the many Lessons that only a catastrophe of this magnitude can evoke in a person.

These days she's found herself living joyfully and in a position of daily dependence on God and wouldn't have it any other way, not to mention, it's the coolest way to live, _period_. _lol_

As the oldest of the five children of the late Nigerian Minister of State, for Labour and Productivity, James Enojo Ocholi SAN, Ojone is uniquely positioned to pen this narration of Events.

Within these 300 _plus_ pages, she has openly shared a series of short Stories, many _never before seen_ Photographs of her famous family, some life Lessons, Opinions & Ideas inspired by her upbringing, formed over her thirty years. The project touches on a wide range of culturally relevant subjects and gives an inside look into this usually private family while painting a beautiful picture of what life was like before the life changing event of March 6th 2016.

Her father James went to _chill_ in Heaven for a bit on a very quiet Sunday afternoon, in a fatal Car Accident. He died with his _God-proclaimed_ Queen and wife of Twenty Eight Years, Blessing Fatima Ocholi and their audacious Twenty One year old Son, Joshua. He had just graduated with a Degree in International Relations and was serving on his National Youth Service Corp Assignment at the time. They where returning from a quick personal philanthropic trip to Kaduna City, in the Northern Nigeria.

Ojonè has bravely shared a deeply revealing set of Stories and Opinions that depict her journey and that of her Family with the sole purpose of offering _bluntly_ savage, _occasionally_ humorous but very doable solutions that will contribute in moving us collectively towards a better world.

She believes that helping to spread a Message of the new found Power of the African Millennial to this group is extremely important in activating _at scale_ an unapologetic quest for self discovery and acceptance, necessary for this Era.

These days, God has her right where he wanted her all along. She firmly believes that Jesus is real, and if you don't believe yet, you will.

— If you never do, that's Unfortunate.

