but i would like to tell you about my family in detail
my mom is partially blind
She cannot see me Happy
a lot of Injustice has happened in my life
I have a pet dog
my Wife has two pet dogs
One is loyal and the other one wants to stay loyal
One sleeps on the bed and the other one on the floor.
Figure out which one
See i have to do these Husband Wife Jokes...
a few Wife Bashing Jokes because...
...this is a Gujarati Show.
and we are habitual in this case.
*Reality Check Silence*
and at the same point of time, my mother and my wife...
they both ask me the same question
But the context is different
whenever i am stepping out of the house
my mother asks me every single time
Dear Manan! Where are you off to? Where are you going?
Huh Dear?
my wife asks me the same question
During Doggy Style
Manan where are you headed to?
Where are you going?
The tricky part is that the following question is also the same
Manan, when are you coming huh?
if you observe a bit then on an average,
in a gujarati household, you have to provide results within 3 years of your marriage.
because after that, the whole district asks you questions
and they doubt your credibility
i have been married for 6 years now
and as soon as i was 3 years into my marriage
everyone came to us immediately
What happened son? Is the Stick Broken? Lemme check
Easy now
Here lies the problem
there's a Wart on your Wand
so i had to prove my manhood
i had to prove...
...Manhood. So i had to give a sperm test.
 
me and my wife, we have been planning for sometimes.
and it was not happening.
because modern couples, stressful life and all of that
so our gynecologist suggested us
to go and get my sperm count checked
and i was like my system is fine
Stickiness, Opacity...Everything is perfect
Are you getting me? I am not gonna get any test
i took it on my Ego
and she was like no you have to take a test and so i agreed
then i went for a sperm test
now before going there, i had prepared myself
i will google everything so that i will know
what to do
so googled it and googled told me "its easy bro"
"You just have to go to Pathology Lab, Give your Sperm to Receptionist"
"and immediately the receptionist will tell you"
"Your Sperm is Best Sir"
Dravidian
but i went to a Lab in Baroda
so i was at te couter and i was telling her that "excuse me..."
"i have a prescription for Sperm Test"
So she didn't look up. She's ignoring me
She's not even looking at me
this went on for half a minute
then i asked her again, "Madam"
Prescription
Sperm Test
Please!!
so then she pointed towards the corner in anger "Go there"
i looked there and i saw a compounder standing
so i want to him and he was like "come..."
Compounder: "what do you want to be done?"
Manan: "Actually i wanted to take a sperm test"
Compounder: "Oh! Okay. When did you do it last time?"
Manan: "today morning!!"
Manan: " i saw Ramdev's Picture on India Today and i got..."
don't judge me okay guys!
Everyone has a fetish. Don't Judge me.
So he became angry. He said "No Sir"
"You need to come after 5 days."
Literally come after 5 days. And that too he said in english.
"No Sir. You need to come after 5 days"
So Apparently, if you have to give sperm for test.
Your sperm needs to be fertile enough
and you should not ejaculate for five days
so he said "come after 5 days sir"
so i went after 2 weeks.
Had a nightfall at 4th night.
Don't Judge me. Okay! Don't Judge me.
then i went
then after 2 weeks he gave me a container which was this much big
"Sir please fill it up in this"
and i was like "How would i fill so much?"
I ain't no Incredible Hulk. How would i Ejaculate that much?
He said "No Sir. Fill it up as much you can."
I was like Ok. Then He asked me one more tough question.
"Sir would you do it here or at home?"
I said "I am not comfortable here and my collection is at home"
"so i will have to go home"
so he gave me one more instruction
"sir you will have to come back in half an hour"
and i said "My home is far away and just in Half an hour. What type of challenge is this?"
so he said "no sir, if the sperm is not submitted within half hour, then it will get vaporized"
"Its not petrol that it will get Vaporized"
but then finally i gave my sperm test
the sperm count turned out to be good
and my wife delivered a baby girl last year
no i mean the DNA test is still pending
i am such an Assh$le
Audience member: "It can't be"
Manan: "It can be"
but now a little kid roams around in my house
with too much excitement
she hasn't learned to speak at the moment.
Dada...booboo....baabaa
She speaks like that only
and strange people visit my house
they come to my house, and then they try to communicate with that little baby
which is awkward to me
clearly she cannot communicate
still everyone is like "Hey! Whats your name baby?
What is your name?
Do you Expect the baby to go...
JOHN CENA
Do you expect the baby to do that?
then some people always compare
"hey, her nose is like her mother"
"her ears are like her father"
"her face is like the neighbour"
and all that rubbish
but recently i was waiting for that moment
my daughter saw me in the eye
and it was a very nice cute little moment
she was looking right into my eye and i was looking at her. And she said
DADDY
and i was like Awww...
my mother came in that moment too and she was like
"she said DAADI (Grandma)"
"she said DAADI"
please go mom
