(Game of Thrones theme music)
- This is apparently the biggest battle
we've seen in history of TV and film.
Bring it on.
- You scared already bro?
Shit aint even started yet.
- I'm already not ready guys.
Pause, let's rewind, let's not do this.
- Why is everyone I love in the front?
- Damn, the Dothraki about
to get fucked up first?
I don't know what to drink.
I don't know what to do and shit.
- Oh my god I just got chills all over.
- I know.
- Dear old gods and new, please
don't let them die, amen.
- Is that?
- What is that?
- It's the red woman.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- What the fuck.
- She's still got a role to play.
(explosion)
- Oh fucking kay Melisandre.
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Oh wow, oh my god.
- That shot is sick.
- Holy shit.
- Welcome back Red Witch.
- Oh, Melisandre you were
holding out on us girl.
- Yeah!
- Cootchie queen.
- Let's go Melisandre.
- Plus 20 fire damage.
- Dude, Melisandre coming
in frickin' clutch.
- [Both] Wow.
- Giddy up, get gone, get
gone, time to go, time to go.
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Look at Ghost.
- Why is Ghost in the front lines?
- Ghost.
- Ghost is keeping up with them.
- All the dire wolves have basically died.
- These Dothraki's don't stand a chance.
I mean the dead don't stand a chance.
The Dothraki's are coming.
(screams)
- Oh shit.
- What the fuck was that?
- If Jorah just fucking died right there,
I'm gonna split shit.
- Oh fuck off.
- Dothraki don't run from battle bro.
- You can set fire to things.
Do something.
(yelling)
(screaming)
(screaming)
- Is that Brienne?
- Oh my god.
- Dude Brienne just died,
dude Brienne just died.
- I can't even tell what the fuck is what.
- Are they making it purposely dark?
I can't see shit.
(explosion)
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Dani said, "fuck this.
You all want my respect?"
Fire!
- That's the dragon.
- I'm shaking.
(clapping)
- Yes Dani.
(cheering)
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Whoa.
- Meanwhile, Bran is unbothered.
(screams)
- No!
- Sam, come on.
Yes Ed.
- We're going to lose
Ed right now aren't we.
(yelling)
(gasping)
(gasping)
- Aw.
- No.
- Oh shit.
- Oh.
- Fuck him up.
- And you run?
Ugh Sam.
- I fucking knew it.
- I can't fucking watch this.
(yells)
(laughing)
- The fuck wrong witchu?
(cheering)
- Yes.
(cheering)
- Why didn't they do that
at the very beginning
as their first move?
I mean everyone wait inside
the walls, light that ring,
and let the dragons do the rest.
That would have been my plan.
(panting)
- Yeah, trailer shot, get your balls up!
- You know why he doesn't like fire?
Because his brother burned his face
when he was a little kid.
- How are we winning this?
- We're not.
- Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam.
- Oh god, this is like whack-a-mole
with our favorite characters.
- It's just like a slow
torture, this whole episode.
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Yes.
- This is where we see her kicking ass.
(cheering)
- What the fuck girlfriend, come on.
- Damn!
(grunting)
- Yes!
- Yes.
He's like, "oh, she handling them bro."
(gasping)
- No, no, no, no.
- Oh fuck.
- A giant.
- Heck no!
- Oh!
No!
(screaming)
- Oh she's dead, she's a goner.
- This is gonna make me cry for real.
Oh my god!
(screaming)
(cheering)
- Yeah bitch.
- Like a boss.
Yes girl.
- Fucking Mormont's aint
shit to be fucked with.
- You went down fucking
fighting you legend.
- Lyanna Mormont went out
like an absolute boss.
- This is going every shade of wrong.
- Man, ya'll got not chill right now.
Ya'll killing kids and shit.
- If they kill Jon I'm gonna
throw something at the TV.
(screams)
- Oh excuse me, I'm sorry.
(gasping)
- Arya with the reflexes of a ninja,
but I can't even fangirl
I'm so tense right now.
Why are you guys doing this to me?
(fire explosion)
- Oh Jesus Christ.
Oh my god, daddy, daddy hold on.
- He's your brother you mother fucker.
- Oh shoot, dragon collision.
- Nigga, is that blue fire?
- [All] Let's go Jon Snow.
- Get his ass, get him finally.
- Hey man, calm down.
- What do we say to the god of death?
- Not today.
- Not today!
(cheering)
- Not today.
- This is too much, it's too much.
I'm sorry Koala, I shouldn't
make you watch this.
- Everybody's dying as heroes though.
(fire explosion)
- Oh that's bullshit.
That's so unfair.
- Oh shit, he's destroying Winterfell.
- Dracarys.
(fire explosion)
- Oh, yes Dracarys.
- That's not gonna work right.
He has to die by Valyrian steel.
- He smiled.
- He smiled.
Oh my god.
- You can't fuck with me.
He's smiling.
He's laughing at her and shit.
I'm about to fall off my seat and shit.
- How dare he smile.
You're an undead, you shouldn't smile.
- Stupid mother fucking night king.
- Oh no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh no, no, no.
- Move, move, move.
(panting)
- Jon you dead.
You dead, you dead.
Look at him.
- Yes Jon.
- Oh shit.
- Call him a little bitch
and then stab him to death.
(panting)
- Screw you buddy, he's raising the dead.
- Oh fuck he's bringing people back.
(yelling)
- [Both] No, no, no, no, no.
- Nope, nope, nope.
- If I was ya'll I would straight up
call him a punk.
(thudding)
(yelling)
- Oh my god, all these
Starks are waking up.
- So that's no good.
- You were right about the crypts.
- It is happening.
- I fucking knew it.
- What a brilliant idea
to put them in the crypts.
- They jumping on this mother fucker.
- They're all getting
on the fricken' dragon.
- Now they're stabbing the fucking dragon.
- I'm about to start crying
over a CGI dragon aren't I?
I really am.
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Oh it's Jorah, yes, okay he's gonna die.
(crying)
(yelling)
- Yeah!
Let's go!
- He's always there for his queen.
(clapping)
- Hell yeah.
(screaming)
- You're doing a shit job of
protecting Jorah Daenerys.
Do you know that?
(soft piano)
- Oh.
- Oh my god.
- Oh my god, Jorah.
- Not my Theon, oh my child.
- Fucking night king.
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Arya!
- Arya!
(screaming)
(cheering)
- Arya!
- Arya!
(screaming)
- No!
- No, no.
(screaming)
- No.
- Oh.
- Oh no.
- No.
(gasping)
- Oh my god.
- Oh my god.
(cheering)
- Oh my god, Arya sauce bro.
(cheering)
(cheering)
- Yes, that was cool.
- What, what, what.
- Got you bitch!
- Oh shit!
- Yes!
(screaming)
- Fucking Arya, yes!
- Oh my god!
(yelling)
- Arya killed the fucking night king!
(yelling)
- What the fuck.
- Bitch!
What!
- Beautiful bitch, you're beautiful.
- Holy fuck.
(crying)
- Oh.
(sighing)
- Oh no, that's gonna
make me cry like a bitch.
I almost broke the chair!
(soft orchestral music)
- Oh she wants to die huh?
Please keep your clothes on though.
- Don't nobody want to
see them old ass titties.
- Oh my god.
- What in the fuck just happened.
- So who's going to
clean up all the bodies?
