Okay candidates! Please take your
positions at the Podiums of the Future!
This is the final democratic debate of
2020 and it is down to you two people to
decide who will be the Democratic
nominee. So please give it your all
because life will never give you a
second chance. Who would like to start?
I will! Care if I steal the debate? My name is Joe Biden, the vice president of a
nation that's politically discontent. No one has experience to lead this country,
because they are resistant to political insanity. Criminal justice has the unfair
death penalty, but I would like to
end it all and bring back stability. Nobody
is benefiting from the economy so I want to increase all wages to bring financial
prosperity. Education is a battleground for affordability, but I will give free
tuition and higher salary. It's clear
there's no better candidate for
democracy, even though other delegates are suspicious of me.
"How can there be pleasure, in saying 'You're fired'? He's trying to tell us, he cares about the middle class? Give me a break! That's a bunch of Malarky!"
Climate change accelerated with no
traction cause people are too lazy to take
action. Well I would like to endorse all my
nuclear dudes
while to the oil drilling companies I'll
say "I don't frack with you!" Let's give the
rural people country-wide broadband all while
trust busting is banned. I'll force weapon
registries and universal background
checks in order to alleviate firearm
stress.
I will reduce drug costs and boost the
defense budget but not so much for
expanding medicare coverage. And who should care about China? It's not the end of the
world. We have more trade agreements that have unfurled. More tech companies are
springing up, increasing the need for
investigation and antitrust. They cannot
become powerful monopolies so I will
moderately increase taxes for the wealthy.
I am Joe Biden, more powerful than Poseidon. I helped lift this country
from the Great Recession and also save it
from terrorist destruction. You think
that's enough? Boy I'm just getting
started! I will pass favorable laws that
are currently uncharted. All the other
candidates are just too faint-hearted,
but now it would be best if they had just departed.
Okay you have said enough! It's time for me to show you who's the real political boss!
I am Joe Biden but much much more! You can call me a socialist philosopher!
No, not in the sense of Chinese Communists, but reversing the divide caused by economists!
I can do more being a Progressivist! Adding cheap housing and safe banking to the mix!
Screw Biden for monetizing education! Cause I can make free college permanent for generations!
I will change politics for everyone by ridding the electoral college and giving voting rights to felons.
I am leading a political revolution! One that can fix everything that crippled our nation!
"I believe in Democratic Socialism! For working people! Not billionaires! Healthcare for all! Educational opportunities for all!"
Has Biden gone crazy? It is very likely! He thinks climate change can be solved with nuclear energy!
I guess he likes contracting harmful radiation and mixing it with his ideas
to infect our liberation! Also he would
do nothing to stop corporations who
would only wreak havoc to many income foundations! Let's focus our attention on
society's welfare! Loosen immigration and get everyone medicare! And while we're at it
let's legalize marijuana as well as bring
troops home from war to achieve nirvana!
Why cut trade with China Mister Future
President, if you know you can just change
the approach than raging about it? Well I guess the tables have turned according to all
reports. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm asking for your financial support!
There is one very important question that the audience has been asking repetitively that you guys did not answer at all!
WHAT IS IT?
Do you have a plan to deal with Mitch McConnell?
I DO, THE BERNIE/BIDEN WAY!
No it's the BIDEN way!
I'm the one who's gonna lead the MOST UNPRECEDENTED campaign ever in the
history of this country!
No, you got me WRONG! You have NO PLACE in the political sphere!
Well guess what? You have too much of a stronghold in politics that you're gonna rip this country to shards before you even know it!
You know what? Get out of here, you little [CENSORED]
Well guys! Looks like this is the end of
the debate! Who do you think will win? But most
importantly, who do I think will win?
CHUCKLES
