 
Extraordinary Reflections

Published by Sonya Lee

Copyright 2014 Sonya Lee

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Preview Guardian Saga Trilogy

Preview Malevolent Chronicles

Chapter 1

When you look in the mirror, a mirror image of yourself is reflected back at you. But what happens to your psyche when there is no mirror, yet an image of you is standing before your eyes, one that won't fade, one that has no earthly reason to exist.

It's been said that everyone has a twin, someone with whom you share a remarkable resemblance, someone with whom you can't be told apart. In all the books I've read there was a happy ending when such an event happened. If only real life were like the fairytales we read as children. As adults we understand that some paths aren't meant to be crossed and some truths should remain hidden to never see the light of day.

****

One year ago

The summer prior to my senior year in college was a happy time in my life. I was one year away from fulfilling my dreams of becoming a writer. My future looked much brighter than my past.

I had recently come to terms with the events of my past, despite my mother's crazy machinations, and my father's absence. I craved a normal life and the only way I could achieve this goal was by cutting all contact with my mother. I had finally come to realize that nothing would ever be normal if I continued to allow her to disrupt my calm. As for my father, I hadn't spoken to him since the day he put me out of their home. I hadn't had much conversation for him prior to that point, so I guess it shouldn't have come as a surprise, but it did.

As I look back at that summer, I should have known it was just the calm before the storm that was my life. I was looking forward to a life worth living. I knew I had a bright future ahead of me as long as I let go of my past. I had no clue that my future endeavors were the result of a faulty foundation that would crack and eventually crumble before my eyes.

Yet, once again I digress. I want to give you a peek inside of my life, a peek that will provide you with clues to the whole. The summer started off pretty good. I had a boyfriend who loved me dearly and I was sure he would propose any day now. I, of course would accept his hand in marriage but until that moment arrived I had to make a living and that living was made as a waitress. I was on the wait staff of a large catering firm in Atlanta. The season was going well for my boss and we were kept busy most nights and weekends.

One calm and breezy night we were catering a party for a law firm with several different names attached to it. The firm was celebrating a five hundred million dollar settlement it had won against a gun manufacturer.

The room was filled with the partners, junior associates and interns of the firm. It was a black tie affair and the attendees wore elegant gowns and beautifully tailored tuxedoes. The chandeliers sparkled brightly overhead and a mellow jazz tune flowed throughout the ballroom.

My best friend Chris was working one side of the huge ballroom and I was working the opposite end. We would meet in the kitchen to discuss the gowns and conversations we'd over heard as we were serving them. On the third round to get salads, Chris bursts into the kitchen, excitement written all over her face and exuding from her pores.

"Pam, Pam!" She screamed searching the kitchen for me. I didn't even get the chance to yell over here, before she spotted me by the salad counter restocking my salad tray. She rushed over to me. "You will not believe what I just saw," she said between breaths.

"You're right, with your active imagination, I never believe anything you see," I replied jokingly.

"You've got to believe this. I just saw your doppelganger," she said excitedly.

"My what?" I asked, confused by her rapid response to my quip.

"Your doppelganger, you know, your twin," she said again.

"Yeah, okay, someone out there looks like me," I laughed before throwing another quip her way, "Am I draped in diamonds?"

"No, but you do look fabulous in the red evening gown you're wearing," she said.

"Red is my signature color," I replied, laughing even more. Chris is always seeing my twin around some empty corner.

"Why don't you switch sides with me so you can check her out. Several of the people on my side requested the chilled soup in place of the salad. I'm setting up a tray now to take out there," said Chris as she filled her tray.

I just looked at her. Chris has always had one of those active imaginations. I didn't think too much of her twin theory. She once said that Lawrence Fishburne came into the retail store we were working one summer. I got all excited, roaming around the department until I spotted the guy she had described. She had gotten me all excited for no reason. The guy didn't look anything like Lawrence Fishburne, Mike Tyson maybe, but definitely not Lawrence Fishburne.

"You stick to your side of the room and I'll stick to mine. I don't need any Pamela sightings tonight." I left the kitchen to deliver my next batch of salads to table twenty-three. As I walked out of the kitchen, I glanced around the ballroom. There were forty tables lined up around the Oval room. The tables were grouped in a rectangular shaped pattern with the oval center left bare for dancing.

As I made my way through the maze of tables I noticed several people looking at me in a curious manner. Most of the guests were enjoying their soup or salad but several had looked up at me at the urging of one of their table companions. I had suddenly become the center of several people's attention. I continued to walk towards my next table a little self consciously. The salads were shaking a little in my hands by this point. I wasn't used to people openly gawking at me. I arrived at my table and quickly served the salads before quickly fleeing the ballroom. When I returned to the kitchen, Chris had enlisted our co-worker Angie into her plot.

"Pam, I need you to switch sides with me, there is something Chris has to show you," said Angie.

"Not you too," I paused for emphasis. "Angie, does this lady really look that much like me?" I asked in exasperation.

"Yes, she does. You've got to see yourself all dressed up, you look fantastic. We just want you to look at her," said Angie excitedly.

"Will you guys get back to work if I agree?" I asked as the hairs on the back of my arm began to stand up. I knew Chris was prone to exaggeration but Angie was pretty reliable. I couldn't imagine someone looking so much like me. I barely held any resemblance to my mother or father. So how could a perfect stranger look like me?

My dad always said I resembled his grandmother, a woman I had never set eyes on in my life. I shook that thought from my head. I looked at my two friends standing there silently, waiting on me to make up my mind. Maybe there is something to what Chris was saying, it would probably explain some of the strange looks I had just noticed from the patrons tonight, I thought to myself.

"Okay, I'll come check her out," I finally conceded. I gave Angie instructions for the next table I was working on. I helped Chris complete her tray and filled my own so that I could take a look at my twin at table fourteen.

I followed Chris out of the kitchen and we traveled the walkways with ease. No one was walking around the ballroom during the serving of dinner which made our jobs easier. That's one of the things I liked about dealing with business parties, no children to dodge. I was reminiscing on the joys of no children when she caught my eye.

The gentleman sitting next to her had gotten her attention as well and directed her line of sight directly towards me. It was like looking at a two headed coin. She may have been sitting down but she looked like she had been floored by the vision in front of her.

I, on the other hand was completely baffled by the vision of the well dressed woman sitting before me. I couldn't help but assess her, from her head down to her waist. She possessed the thick locks of red hair that I had inherited from my grandmother. Hers were flowing down her back in luscious waves. She wore a form fitting strapless red evening gown. She had gold accents of a necklace, earrings, and brooch at the center of her bosom. She had a light complexion with a hint of caramel and light green eyes. I felt shabby looking at my mirror image, she was so chic sitting at the table waiting on me to serve her.

The gentleman sitting next to her waved his hand in front of her face to get her to focus once again. Chris walked over to me and took the tray before I dropped it. She handed me hers and gently nudged me, while telling me to go to the kitchen and get more soup. I turned around and walked back to the kitchen on wobbly legs. I'm not sure how I made it back. But by the time I made it there, Angie was standing in the doorway waiting on me. She must have noticed my confused state, because she grabbed my hand and escorted me to the bathroom.

Angie was calling my name but I had yet to respond. After several moments of noncompliance, she finally shook me out of my stupor.

"Girl, are you okay?" she asked.

"She looks just like me, she could be my twin," I whispered.

"Are you thinking fraternal or paternal, you zoned out for awhile. What's the matter, didn't know you could look so good in red?" she chuckled.

"How can we look so much alike? People always say you have a twin, but I never really believed it. She looked almost as shocked as I did when she saw me," I said.

"Well, you've officially met the one person in the world that looks just like you," said Angie.

"Yeah, but what are the odds she would live in the same city as I do. I thought your twin was supposed to pop up in some city you were visiting when you saw them for the first time. She's right here in Atlanta," I said.

"Well, maybe for her, this is the city she's visiting. Who's to say she's from Atlanta. This is a large law firm. She could be from one of the other branches around the world," said Angie.

Just as Angie was completing her thought Chris walked into the bathroom. She looked at Angie and me, then she handed me a card.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Her name's Vanessa Bell, she asked me to give you her card. She'd like to talk to you," said Chris.

I hesitantly took the card from her hand and read it. It said Vanessa Bell, Intern at Dusable, Hartmann, Rice & Associates. I slid the card in my back pocket.

"Why would she want to talk to me?" I said uneasily.

"She probably just wants to see if you have family in common. Two people can't look that much alike and not be related, can they?" asked Chris. "You can call or not call, the choice is yours. You don't have to worry about seeing her again, she left. I guess seeing you shook her up even more than you seeing her did."

The bathroom door opened and Kimmie stuck her head in. "John is on a tear. You guys need to get back out here. Tim and Pierre can't multitask like you'll can and the natives are getting restless," said Kimmie.

"Here we come," said Angie as she looked at us. "Are you okay Pam?"

"Yeah, I'm good. It was just a shock to see how much she looked liked me. Let's get back out there before John throw's a real hissy fit." We walked back into the kitchen to get our dinner plates. The rest of the night went rather smoothly in spite of all the strange stares I received from some of the tables. I was glad when the night finally ended.

Chris and I went straight to bed when we arrived at the apartment we shared. We normally talked about the parties we helped cater but tonight was the exception. We were too worn out, Chris from working and me from trying to understand what I had seen tonight. Our beds greeted us once we were behind closed doors and I for one was happy to see mine. I hoped sleep would help ease my troubled mind.
Chapter 2

"Okay girls, here I come," said mother stalking around the house.

Karen and I had chosen different hiding places this time. Whenever we tried to hide together we would ultimately get to talking and mother would find us. I peeked out from behind the curtains trying to see where mother was located. It looked like it was safe to run out and touch the door where she had counted off from. I had just run across to touch the door when it swung open and our father walked in.

"Daddy!" I screamed before hurling myself at him.

He caught me and held me away from him, examining my lack of attire. "Pupkin, where are your clothes? Does your mother know you're walking around the house with no clothes on?" he asked.

"Yes, daddy. We're playing hide and seek. We always play hide and see like this. Mommie says we shouldn't be ashamed of our body," I said in an adult like manner, even though I was only four years old.

"Pupkin, you need to go upstairs and put some clothes on right now. A lady never allows a man to see her without her clothes on unless he is her husband. Do you understand me?" he asked me before setting me down to go do what he said.

"Yes, a lady wears clothes all the time, unless she's with her husband," I said.

"Yeah, something like that, we'll talk about it again later, now go upstairs and remember you are a lady."

"Yes, I'm a lady," I said before running upstairs to get dressed. A couple of minutes later Karen entered our room.

"Daddy told you to put some clothes on too?" I asked.

"Yes, I knew daddy didn't like for use to play hide and seek like that but mommie wouldn't listen to me," said Karen gathering panties and a t-shirt from her drawer.

We heard our parents' door slam and raised voices. I looked at Karen sadly. Our parents seemed to do a lot of arguing nowadays. It always scared me.

"You stay here, I'll be right back. Don't worry, everything is going to be okay," said Karen before she slipped out of our room. She returned a couple of minutes later.

"Daddy is fussing at mommie about the hide and seek game. He doesn't like for us to be running around the house without clothes on. He thinks mother is trying to turn us into whores," said Karen.

"What's a whore?" I asked.

"I don't know. But whatever it is, daddy doesn't like it one bit. So we're not going to play hide and seek with mommie anymore unless we're allowed to keep our clothes on like we do at school, okay?" asked Karen.

"Okay," I replied.

buzz! buzz! buzz!

The alarm clocked jolted me out of the dream. I reached over to turn it off not paying any attention to the time. I left my room trying to shake off the memory of the dream I had. Four year old me and eight year old Karen playing naked hide and go seek with our mother. I thought that I was over my past but seeing Vanessa Bell last night seemed to trigger that memory. It was probably because seeing her reminded me that I once had a sister.

As I entered the hallway I could see that Chris had already cooked breakfast and gone for her morning run. I went into the kitchen to see what concoction she had dreamed up this morning. Chris was a Culinary Arts major and loved to experiment with different recipes. She always cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner on Saturdays and Sundays when we weren't working.

I could smell the blueberries as I walked towards the kitchen. Upon entering the kitchen I found that she had cooked blueberry muffins and pancakes. I scavenged around in the refrigerator for bacon. There was bacon in the frig but she hadn't cooked any. She liked her bacon fresh.

Chris always said, "Some foods you could microwave and they would be fine but others should never see the inside of a microwave." Bacon fit that category for her.

I heated up my breakfast and sat down to eat. The apartment was too quiet by far which allowed my mind to flash back to the previous night. Vanessa Bell looked identical to me, all the way down to the dimples in my cheeks. Maybe I was switched at birth, I thought to myself. To me there was no other alternative to what I had seen last night. I just couldn't imagine my dad getting someone else pregnant, in the end he hadn't seemed to want me.

I considered calling Vanessa. I still had her card in the back pocket of the pants I was wearing. I changed my mind about calling her as soon as I thought of it. I couldn't imagine what we'd talk about if I did get up the nerve to call her. It's not like I plan on going into law and I'm looking for a mentor. Becoming a lawyer was the last thing on my mind. It was the career my mother tried to force on me when I was in high school. I'd burn in hell before I'd give her that satisfaction. My mother had this annoying habit of coming up with things she wanted me to try or become interested in. She just couldn't allow me to be me. It was like she had a road map of where she wanted me to go. I was just a daughter who was too stubborn to follow her chosen path.

My cell phone rang, disrupting my memories of my mother and her demands. I picked up the phone and looked at the screen. The call was blocked. I almost didn't answer it but decided I needed to in case it was an emergency. I reluctantly clicked the call button.

"Hello."

"Pam, you just don't accept calls from your mother any longer, do you?"

I took a calming breath before I responded to that quip. I should have never answered the call I thought. "Not when they are meant to annoy me. What do you want mother?"

"Pam, I'm not trying to annoy you. You're the only daughter I have left. I love you. I just wanted to make sure you received the announcement concerning our anniversary."

"No I haven't. We haven't checked the mail yet. It's not like I'm invited," I said coolly.

"Darling, of course you're not invited. I wouldn't want your father to get angry with me. I just feel it's important that you know what is going on with your father and me," she said with a smile in her voice.

"Well, consider me informed, bye mother," I said before clicking the off button. I shook with anger for several moments at the memory of the call. I don't know why she insists on calling me to share her joy. The only things that matter to her are her happiness and her precious husband. I guess I'll have to stop taking blocked calls as well.

I'm so tired of her games, one minute she's all caring and supportive, the next she wants nothing to do with me, and it's all at the whim of her precious husband. I'm tired of being the yo-yo on the string, the one that keeps being flung and reeled back in at her every whim. I don't know why she won't leave me alone.

I put my dishes in the sink and went to get dressed. As I stood before the mirror in my bathroom, combing my hair, my face reminded me once again of my encounter with Vanessa Bell.

To call or not to call was the question floating around in my head. If I called her I might learn that we are some kin. Maybe there will be some normal people in my family. I don't know very much about my father's or mother's side of the family. Neither of my parents had kept in contact with their families. My sister and I had grown up on an island of loneliness. I don't even know if we have any relatives living or dead. She could be a cousin. Maybe she could introduce me to the other side of the family that I've never met. No way. There's a reason why my dad hasn't spoken to his family since I don't know when. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I finally decided to sit on the card until I could make up my mind. Several other thoughts ran through my head and I quickly squashed every last one of them.

Chris made it back to the apartment as I completed my musings. We needed to sit down and pay our bills for the month. It wasn't easy being a student with means but really no means at all. I didn't qualify for financial aid but I didn't have to pay for school either, having gotten a full scholarship to Atlanta's School of the Arts. I just had to worry about my apartment and food. I had given up any hope of assistance from my parents long ago. It was understood during my high school years that once I graduated I was on my own, which is why I had been working since the age of sixteen, shortly before my graduation from high school. I had no plans of staying in their house a moment longer than necessary. It turned out that the choice was taken out of my hands. My father put me out of their house the day after graduation.

My parents' lack of support and caring for their only living child sealed my resolve to become a world renowned writer. I knew that my life story alone would catapult me to the best sellers list or make a psychiatrist very rich. Not that I had any plans on writing it but if I ever got desperate who knows. Chris snapped me out of my self-imposed dialog with a snap of her fingers.

"We're set. The light bill isn't as high as we thought it might be which gives us a little cushion for later in the summer. If work is steady like it has been, we should be able to save enough to last us through winter. Which means we won't have to work so many hours during the week," said Chris.

"That works for me," I replied with a sigh.

Chris hesitated for a moment before she pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. "I was going to throw this away but I think you need to see it just in case it's important."

I reluctantly took the envelope knowing who it was from. "It's another card from my mother, she called earlier. It's an announcement concerning their anniversary," I said before opening the envelope. I flashed the printed picture at Chris, then I read the card out loud. "It's a celebration of a love to last a lifetime, Charles and Linda Columbus will be celebrating a renewal of their nuptials on Saturday, August 3, 2013. It's funny, but all of these pictures look almost identical. Do they ever change their pose?" I tried to laugh off the hurt I was currently feeling.

"I should have just opened it myself and not let you see it, your mother's such a "B"," said Chris evenly.

"Don't worry about it. I think I've gotten immune to the little tricks and snide things my mother does. She loves rubbing the fact that my father is all hers in my face. She just doesn't understand that I wouldn't want him in my life, whether he was with her or not," I said wistfully. I had started thinking about my last conversation with Karen.

Chris looked at me closely. "Stop reminiscing on your wonderful childhood."

"Oh come on Chris, who wouldn't reminisce on a childhood like mine," I replied sarcastically.

"Hey, the life you make for yourself will be the one that counts," she said.

"I know, I know. I just wish sometimes," I said before she cut me off.

"Wishing doesn't make anything happen, doing does. And speaking of doing, have you called your twin yet?"

"She's not my twin, she's older than me, at least I think she's older than me. She's a lawyer, so she's got to be older than me and no I haven't called her nor will I be calling her at 12:00 in the afternoon!" I nearly shouted as I looked at the time. "Chris how could you let me sleep so late? I was supposed to meet Gregory at 11:30, you know he hates to be kept waiting," I said in exasperation.

"He called and canceled, he left a message on the answering machine."

"Did he say why he was canceling?"

"He claims his boss invited him to go to the Braves game, it's a double header, if I recall correctly. You know this is the fourth Saturday he has cancelled on you Pam, when are you going to wake up?" asked Chris looking at me pointedly.

"What do you mean, when am I going to wake up? I'm not sleep," I looked at her pointedly.

"Where Gregory is concerned, you're sleepwalking. You both have busy schedules and when you both find time to spend together he inevitably cancels on you at the last minute. He's stringing you along. There's got to be someone else," said Chris.

"Okay, first of all, there is no one else. We're both working internships and second jobs to make ends meet. His boss probably insisted he go to the game. He has to play nice in order to make a good impression. So stop jumping to the wrong conclusion," I replied.

"Okay, but you're not getting any younger. You're going to be twenty-three before you realize what a big jerk he is and then your beauty and youth will have faded," said Chris with a smirk on her face.

"I'll still be young at twenty-three which is three years away, I might add and beauty is in the eye of the beholder," I replied snidely. "Besides, I'm sure he is going to propose any day now."

"Propose?" Chris looked at me incredulously. "You always do this Pam. Why do you defend guys that aren't worth defending? You already caught him cheating on you once and you took him back. Now he's canceling dates left and right. He uses you for his own convenience. When are you going to learn not to be someone's doormat?" said Chris.

"I am not being a doormat and he wasn't cheating on me. Gregory is a great guy with a great future. I want to be with someone I know is going to make it in this world. You on the other hand will be alone, always so suspicious of everyone. You need to learn to be more trustful."

"No, you need to be less trustful," said Chris. "You need to start seeing the world...

The doorbell rang interrupting Chris' speech. She looked at me.

"Who is that?" I said with a small amount of relief. The doorbell ringing had just saved me from one of Chris' interminable rants about my boyfriend.

"I don't know, perhaps it's your boyfriend. Maybe his boss let him off the hook and he wants to surprise you," she said sarcastically.

"I hope it is, just so I can shut you up," I said hopefully as I walked over to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw the last person on earth I thought would come knocking at my door.

She was dressed casual chic today. She wore cream colored pants and a burnt orange silk blouse. She had on matching shoes and bracelets. Her hair was pinned up in a bun and orange tear shaped earrings dangled from her ears. I stepped away from the door and slowly backed down the hall.

"Who is it?" asked Chris coming up behind me.

"It's her," I whispered not wanting to be heard. There was no way I was opening that door. Something deep down inside told me that opening that door would open up a world I wasn't prepared for in the least.

"Her who?" asked Chris mimicking my speech.

"My twin from last night," I whispered again.

"Well, let her in," said Chris loudly.

Instead of unlocking the door, I continued to retreat in the opposite direction. A sense of foreboding set solidly between my shoulder blades. Opening that door would lead me down a road, one which I wasn't sure I wanted to go.

Chris took the choice out of my hands. She walked around me and opened the door. Vanessa had turned to leave but stopped when the door opened.

"Hi," said Chris. "Come on in. Sorry it took so long to open the door."

Vanessa nodded her head in understanding and hesitantly walked into our apartment. She stopped midway down the hall and just stared at me for several seconds. She finally dropped her gaze to the floor before speaking. I guess she was a little unsure of her welcome.

"Good afternoon. I'm sorry to intrude on you today but my curiosity got the better of me," she said.

"How did you find out where we live?" I asked her before I knew it.

"My boss is a good friend of your boss, Mr. Thomas. He was able to get your address and phone number for me," she replied softly.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

Chris interrupted the ensuing conversation with a cough. Vanessa and I looked at her, having forgotten she was in the hallway with us. "Perhaps you'll should go into the living room and have a seat. I'll fix some drinks and bring them in to you. What would you like to drink Vanessa?"

"Water will be fine thanks," she said. She looked at me as Chris exited the hallway.

"The living room is this way," I said turning and walking towards our living room. We quietly walked into our sparsely furnished living room by Ikea and Target. I looked on as Vanessa glanced around the room. Her face didn't give any indication of her thoughts. She sat down in the reclining chair. I sat across from her on the loveseat. Neither one of us said a thing. I guess we were both too scared to state the obvious.

Chris finally walked back into the room with a couple of bottles of water. She noticed the awkward silence in the room. I was grateful at that moment, for the kind of friend Chris was because she was kind enough to break the silence for us.

"We weren't actually introduced last night when you handed me your business card but I'm Chris. I'm her best friend and roommate. This is Pamela, but she prefers to be called Pam. She isn't normally this tongue tied but we're both shocked at your presence here and we're wondering why you looked her up?"

Vanessa glanced at her hands before she spoke. "I was a little shocked to see you last night. I have never seen anyone look so much like me before. I left the party because I wanted to talk to my mother. I wasn't able to speak to her last night but I realized I had overreacted at seeing you. I don't have a large family you see, I'm an only child. My mother doesn't have any siblings. When I saw you I thought, I don't know what I thought," said Vanessa, rambling on fir several moments under her breath.

"I know what you mean. I don't look like my mother or father, so when I saw you, I couldn't believe it either. I wondered had I been switched at birth or maybe adopted. But I know that's not possible. My dad has told me on several occasions that I look just like my grandmother," I said.

"My uncle used to tell me the same thing when I was younger. Well, he's actually not my uncle, he's my Godfather but I couldn't say Godfather when I was little so he told me to call him uncle. He told me I looked like my grandmother," said Vanessa.

"Do you think we could be some kin to one another?" I asked.

"It's the only logical explanation for us resembling each other to the point of almost looking like twins," said Vanessa. "How old are you?"

"I'm twenty, what about you?" I asked.

"I'm twenty-one," replied Vanessa.

"You're twenty-one and already a lawyer," said Chris in astonishment.

"I'm not a full lawyer, I'm awaiting the results from the bar, but yes, I have graduated from law school. It seems that I was blessed with a high IQ," replied Vanessa.

Chris looked at me and said, "Pam was the valedictorian of our graduating class, she scored a 32 on the ACT and got a full scholarship to Atlanta's School of the Arts at the age of 16."

"Well, that makes two things we have in common, intelligence and looks," said Vanessa.

"Who are you parents?" I asked her.

"My mother's name is Veronica Bell. I never knew my father. He died before I was born. His name was John. What about you, who are your parents?"

"My parents are Linda and Charles Columbus. I have a sister, well I had an older sister," I said with a catch in my throat.

Vanessa's demeanor had gone from calm and cool to semi-shock upon hearing the name Charles Columbus. She quickly schooled her features knowing not to give away anything to the opposition. The law had taught her to question and check facts, now was no different than in a court of law. She quickly composed herself.

I hadn't noticed the change in Vanessa when I mentioned my parents' name. My mind had slipped to memories of my sister Karen.

"Do you have any pictures of your family?" she asked casually.

"I mainly have pictures of my sister and myself, my Mother and dad didn't like taking pictures, so I only have a very old picture of my father from when we were younger, but no pictures of my Mother. Would you excuse me for a moment while I grab my photo album?" I fudged on the truth a little to Vanessa. There was no need to tell her that I had thrown away all the pictures of my parents except for the one I had of my father when we were younger, before everything changed.

As I exited the room, Chris watched Vanessa pull out her wallet and look at an old photograph of a man and a woman who Chris assumed were her parents. Chris craned her neck to get a better look at the photo but she could only see a glimpse of the man. He looked a lot like Pam's father. She watched as Vanessa caressed the faces of the two individuals and she wondered what was going through her mind.

Vanessa's mind was in turmoil. She looked upon the faces of her mother and the man she had known all her life as her Uncle Charles. She had never known any other man to be around her or her mother. Yes, his job took him out of town a lot because he owned and operated his own trucking business but he had always been there. The feeling that crossed her soul on last night when she saw Pam came back ten-fold. I shouldn't be here she thought but her mother hadn't raised a coward so she waited for Pam to return with the photo album.

She looked up and spotted Chris. Chris' eyes were riveted on the picture. She had forgotten Chris was in the room. She examined the look on Chris's face. It was one of comprehension. She followed Chris's line of sight back to her hand and the photo of her mother and Uncle Charles together. She closed the wallet and threw it back into her purse. She was getting up to make her exit when I walked back into the room.

I looked at Chris and Vanessa, I could feel the tension in the air. "What's wrong?"

Neither one said a word. Vanessa sat back down and said, "You found the album?"

"Yeah, I have quite a few pictures of myself when I was younger. Do you want to see if we looked alike when we were little?"

"Yeah, I'd love to. I just wish you had some family photos, it would be kind of like imagining I had a family to go home to," said Vanessa.

I searched through the pictures and found the ones of myself and my sister Karen. Vanessa gave them a cursory glance. I searched the photo album again and finally found the one picture of my father. I pulled it out and showed it to her.

Vanessa stared at the picture. It was her Uncle Charles from when she was a little girl. Her stomach began to churn. Her insides slowly began to boil with rage. She felt the need to lash out at anyone or anything. I sat there unaware that I had just turned her world upside down.

She never showed any outward sign of distress. She looked at her watch and said just as calmly, "I just realized how late it is. I was supposed to meet a friend. I need to be going." She quickly gathered her things and headed for the door.

I sat there with a mystified look on my face. Chris saw Vanessa out as Vanessa said she'd catch up with me later. When Chris came back into the room she said, "I know why she flew out of here so fast."

"Why? Was it something I said?" I asked.

"No, she was about to leave before you came out of the room. She saw me looking at a picture she had taken out of her wallet," said Chris.

"A picture of who?" I asked dumbfounded. "That's no reason to rush out of here."

"It is, if the picture was a picture of your father with a woman. I didn't get a good look at the woman because of the way she was holding it, but it was probably her mother," said Chris.

"My father? Why would she have a picture of my father in her wallet?" I asked.

"I think that's the reason she really came over here. She knew there was a strong possibility that you were sisters. She wanted to make sure. When you showed her the picture of you and your sister Karen, she didn't even look at them. She was solely focused on seeing the picture of your father. She paid attention to his picture. You showing her the picture confirmed what she had already been thinking."

"My dad didn't seem to want me or Karen. Why would he go get another child when he didn't want us? Besides she's too young to be my sister. Karen is older than she is," I said.

"So you don't think your dad would cheat on your mother. We both know better, we've seen him out and about with another woman," said Chris.

Cheating and having an outside child are two different things."

"Yeah, but one can lead to the other."

"I need to talk to my mother. Maybe she knows something. I'm going to head over to their house now," I said with no small amount of trepidation.

"Do you need me to come with you?" asked Chris.

"No, I need a little process time. Is it okay if I borrow your car?"

"Sure, no problem, take your time."

"I'll be back later this evening," I said. I grabbed my purse and headed to my mother and father's house. The house I grew up in. The house I loathed and loved.
Chapter 3

The drive to my parents' home provided me with too much time to think. I had not been to my parents' home since I was eighteen years old. That was only two years ago. As I look back on that day, the bruises on my heart still ache, reminding me once again of my unwelcome status in their life.

It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year in college. I was attending summer school when I came down with this weird virus. I was sick for two weeks and unable to go to class or work. The sickness set me back on my intended graduation date. I had to drop my summer classes because I couldn't keep up with them. By the time I was well, I had lost an entire semester of classes and I was already behind on my half of the bills.

I decided to ask my mother for the money. In one of her lucid and caring moments she had been calling to check up on me and even brought me some soup. I hoped she was still in one of her caring moods and would help me out. I never knew from one day to the next what kind of reception I would receive from my mother. It had been two years since I had moved out and I had never asked them for anything.

When I arrived at my parent's home, my mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner. She reluctantly allowed me into the house. I had barely cleared the door when she asked, "What are you doing here? I thought your father made himself clear. He doesn't want you coming around here anymore?"

My heart withered at her opening lines. But I had to take a chance and ask her anyway, so I responded the only way I knew how, "that's why I came when he wasn't here. I wanted to talk to you alone. I need your help. I've been sick and I couldn't work for a couple of weeks. I'm behind on paying my half of the bills and I was wondering if you could help me out by loaning me the money? I'll pay you back as soon as I catch up," I said desperately.

She didn't say anything for a very long time. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity waiting on a response. I finally looked up and saw the contempt she had for me written all over her face. She walked around me to the front door and opened it.

"You're father told you once you graduated you were on your own, just because he hasn't been around doesn't mean his wishes don't still stand. I'm not going to give you any of his hard earned money. I suggest you find some other way to catch up on your bills."

I turned and walked out of my parents' home for what I thought would be the last time. I vowed never to return but I knew that I couldn't stay away. There had been some good memories in that house once upon a time and I was hoping that one day that my father's grip on my mother would weaken and she would be able to love me again.

I didn't hear the door close behind me once I stepped out of the house. So I foolishly turned in the hopes of seeing a different response in my mother's eyes but the door was already closed. As closed as the hearts possessed by the couple that had sired me. I guess my thoughts were screaming too loudly for me to notice the door closing behind me.

That event had a devastating impact on me, I cried for days on end. Chris told her parents about my situation and her father gave me the money I needed to pay my bills. I was grateful for the help and vowed to pay him back but every time I tried, he declined the money. He made me promise that I would finish school and become a successful writer. I have been striving to meet that goal since the day he made me promise him.

That event also steeled my resolve to live my life free of my parents. There was no changing my mother, so I decided not to try. I had to learn to love her from a distance. My father would never receive any love from me, he had died in my heart long before he showed me the door. Or course, for all my resolve, there was still a part of me that wanted and needed my parents love.

I snapped myself out of the last memory I had of my mother. I wondered what changes she had made to the house in my absence. My mother loved to shop and the home shopping network was one of her favorite channels. My father never complained about her shopping sprees in the beginning but by the time I entered high school he had begun to decrease the amount of money he gave her to shop with on a weekly basis. I wondered if Vanessa and her mother had anything to do with that change.

A car horn blew and startled me into applying the brakes on Chris's car. I came extremely close to rear ending the car in front of me. I looked around and noticed that traffic had suddenly come to a halt.

I began to search for a way to bypass the impending traffic jam when I noticed I was close to the exit for Peachwood Park. I flipped on my turn signal, checked traffic and turned into the park. My mind was too far a field for me to deal with traffic as the near accident had proven. I pulled into the closest parking lot and searched for a parking spot.

Perhaps a quick run through the park will clear my head enough for me to drive to my parents home, I thought. I quickly exited the car and found the walking trail.

Running wasn't something I got to do every day but I enjoyed it when I could. I started off at a leisurely pace but soon found myself trying to outrun the demons of my past. Twenty minutes into my brisk run I had to stop for air. My breathing was erratic and pain shot up my calves.

I found a bench and quickly began stretching out my over taxed muscles. I looked around to get my bearings and noticed a rather large picnic not far from my position. Nothing had been resolved in my head so I sat down and observed the family picnic.

In the distance I could see an older and younger girl playing volley ball together. They looked to be about eight and four years of age. The older one was showing the younger one how to hit the ball.

As I sat there watching them, I heard a keening sound. I looked around to see where it was coming from before I realized that it was me making the noise. I tried to rein in the sound but tears spilled from my eyes in the process. Images of myself and my sister Karen had transposed themselves onto the two little girls playing volleyball and an unwanted past came flooding back to me.

13 years ago

"Pam, Pam, wake up. You've got to see the surprise waiting downstairs," said Karen excitedly, shaking me awake.

It took me awhile to wake up but I finally did. "Huh, what? Leave me alone," I said groggily.

"Come on," said Karen grabbing my arm and half pulling me out of bed.

I finally woke myself up enough to notice her excitement. I dragged myself away from the bed and followed her. The floor was cold as we walked down the hallway. I hopped along trying not to touch the floor too much. But Karen was in such a rush that she grabbed my arm and dragged me quickly down the stairs. She didn't stop until we arrived in the living room where we gazed upon a huge tree. I had never seen anything so beautiful.

"Look at all the gifts under the tree," said Karen stooping down to peer at several. I stooped down next to her looking at the gifts, hoping to see my name on some of them but none of the gifts were labeled.

"Do you think they're for us?" I asked.

"No, they're for the other kids that live in this house," said Karen sarcasm laced in her voice. "Do you remember what you asked Santa for, this Christmas?"

"Yeah, but I don't see a Barbie Christmas Dream House anywhere," I said examining all the gifts.

"What's all the racket about?" called our Mother coming down the stairs.

We quickly scooted away from the tree before she made it into the living room. "Mother, Santa Claus came early this year, look at all the toys under the tree," I shouted unable to contain my excitement.

"Well, well, well, there are quite a few gifts under the tree. I guess you two think they're for you?" said Mother jokingly.

"Of course they are for us, there aren't any other kids in this house," replied Karen in a grown up voice.

"I guess the gifts are for you. Your dad didn't wake me up when he came home last night. He didn't mention anything about buying all these gifts for you girls," she said.

"Mother, you mean Santa didn't wake you up last night when he delivered the gifts," said Karen nodding her head towards me.

"No, I mean your father, Pam's too old to believe in Santa Claus. She's seven, Pam knows better than to believe in a fairytale. Santa Claus doesn't exist. Your father is Santa Claus in this household."

Karen sucked in her breath and clinched her teeth together. She had been trying to keep the wonder of the world in my eyes but at every turn Mother seemed to stomp it out. She turned and looked at me. She could see the tears brimming in my eyes. Of course, my turmoil went unnoticed by our Mother.

"I wonder if there are any gifts under the tree for me," said Mother.

"There aren't any names on the gifts, so we don't know who they belong to," said Karen.

"You're not supposed to know until Christmas anyway. Now stop hovering around this tree, go upstairs and get dressed," she commanded.

"Come on Pam. We can look at the pretty gifts later," said Karen gently taking my hand and walking me up the stairs to our bedroom.

I turned and looked at the Christmas tree as we exited the room. Santa Claus was no longer this jolly old fat guy, who came bearing gifts for my good behavior. There was no joy in that revelation for me.

I looked longingly at the tree and noticed a medium sized box with red and gold shiny wrapping paper and a big sparkly gold bow on top. The sight of that gift lifted my plummeting spirit. It was so pretty and I just new in the pit of my stomach that it was for me.

For once in my short life I didn't give Karen a hard time bathing and dressing me. I did exactly what she told me because I wanted to get back downstairs and admire the Christmas tree with all the pretty presents underneath.

Karen wouldn't let me go downstairs alone, I always had to wait on her. She never let me do anything by myself. It hadn't always been that way, once upon a time Mother had been so loving and kind but slowly things started to change. One minute we were having fun together and the next she'd change on us. That's when the ranting and yelling would begin. We never knew which mother would greet us each day. So, I sat dutifully on my bed flipping through one of my I-spy picture books as Karen got herself dressed.

She must have been anxious to get back downstairs as well because she didn't waste any time getting dressed. Once she was dressed, we skipped down the stairs and rushed into the living room.

The tree seemed even bigger than before as I gazed upon it once again. There was a beautiful angel sitting on top of the tree dressed all in white. I guess I hadn't noticed it before because I was so focused on the gifts underneath the tree.

The tree looked like a scene from a Christmas movie. It was green but looked like snow had fallen on it. We walked over and sat down in front of it. I wanted to touch it, just to see if it was cold. But Karen told me not to touch the tree because it might fall. Suddenly, Christmas music began flowing throughout the room. Mother came up behind us and snapped several pictures of the scene. She told us to turn around and face the camera with big smiles on our faces. She took several pictures of us facing her sitting in front of the tree.

I had been so mesmerized by the tree and music that I didn't notice that there were gifts missing from beneath the tree. Once Mother finished taking pictures we returned our attention to the tree. I immediately began searching for the red and gold gift wrapped present but I didn't find it. I started rummaging through the gifts under the tree when Mother screamed at us not to touch the gifts. She said we could look but not touch.

We stayed by the tree the majority of the day taking guesses at what each gift might be, based on our letters to Santa Claus. Mother got tired of our game and sent us to our room to keep ourselves busy. Karen decided to read me her favorite Christmas story The Nutcracker.

I loved when Karen read to me. She painted such beautifully vivid pictures with words and her voice was so pretty. I could always visualize the scene without even looking at the pictures. Before long I had fallen asleep to the toy soldier dancing with the ballerina. Karen woke me up for dinner. I quietly followed her downstairs and we slipped into the living room once again to admire the tree. I noticed that there was a lot more space beneath it than there had been before we went to our room.

"Girls get in here and eat dinner before your food gets cold. I don't have all day," said Mother.

We quickly ran into the kitchen, not wanting Mother to fuss at us about being in the living room once again. Dinner that evening consisted of fried pork chops, rice and string beans.

Dad was on the road today and dinner was silent. The only time there was conversation at the dinner table was when dad was home. Mother didn't allow us to talk and eat. She said we weren't capable of multitasking. I had no idea what multitasking was so I asked Karen because she was very smart. She told me it meant that you could do more than one thing at a time.

"Why does mother say we can't multitask? We do a lot of different things at one time. We're sitting here and talking right now, that's two things and if we include looking at one another, that's three things we're doing," I said holding up three fingers.

"You're absolutely right. But Mother doesn't think the way we do, so she believes we can't multitask. We'll keep this secret to ourselves," she said.

By the time Christmas rolled around, all of the gifts were back under the tree. Karen and I were so excited. We ran down the stairs Christmas morning and began searching for gifts with our names on them. We only found one gift each. All of the other gifts had mother's name on them. We were a little surprised to see so many gifts for mother but only one for each of us. Karen told me to be grateful for the gift I had received, some kids didn't get anything for Christmas.

We sat around the tree patiently waiting for Mother and dad to wake up and come downstairs. As we waited for them to wake from their slumber we kept ourselves busy by admiring the beautifully wrapped gifts.

"Don't touch them, we don't want to make Mother mad," said Karen quietly.

As if on cue, we heard walking overhead. Mother and dad were up and would be coming downstairs soon. Karen jumped up and turned on the TV. "Do you want to watch "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer?" she asked.

"Oh! Rudolph is on?" I asked excitedly. It was one of my favorite Christmas movies.

"We have the video dad bought it last year, remember. I'm going to put it on," said Karen sitting down beside me.

The telephone rang and I jumped up to answer it but Karen stopped me. "You know Mother doesn't allow us to answer the phone," she reminded me. She grabbed the movie from the VHS collection and placed it in the VCR.

"Can't we open our gift before we watch the movie?" I asked anxious to learn what my one gift might be.

"No, we have to wait on Mother and dad, so we can watch the movie and as soon as they come downstairs we can open our gift," replied Karen in a stern voice.

"But I'm ready to open my gift now," I whined.

There were loud crashes and more movement coming from upstairs. This movement we were somewhat familiar with. "Shush!" said Karen. She listened for several moments before she looked at me and then grabbed my arm. "We're going up to our room and getting dressed for the day. It sounds like mother isn't in a good mood and I'd rather we were dressed before she came downstairs and fussed at us about being in our pajamas out of our room," said Karen dragging me back up the stairs.

I wanted to protest but I never got the chance to, Karen was on a mission. We made it to our room in record time, sneaking pass our parents' room before Mother came bursting out of the door. Karen closed our door and ran bath water so that I could take a bath. Before Karen went to take her bath she warned me to stay in the room. I was more familiar with mother's rampages, so I knew better than to be caught alone with her when she was like this.

Once Karen took her bath, she came and sat on the bed next to me. I was reading an old copy of "The True Story of The Three Little Pigs." She read the story with me. Once the story was complete we sat on the bed and Karen wouldn't allow me to speak.

I could hear noise coming from our parents' room. Drawers were being slammed and items were hitting the wall. This went on for several minutes before it finally stopped. Then the phone rang again.

I kept fidgeting on the bed, knowing what was happening in the other room but not understanding it at such a young age. Karen and I remained still for several moments more. She was waiting for the storm in my parents' room to abate. After an indeterminate amount of time things seemed to settle down in our parents' room and Karen finally said we could return down stairs.

As we left our room and began the trek downstairs, the door to our parents' room came open and we found Mother hot on our heels. She arrived to the Christmas tree scant seconds after we did. We had learned long ago to steer clear of Mother when she had one of her fits so we hadn't turned to look at her. We stood looking at the Christmas tree, afraid to move any closer or say a word. It came as a complete shock to us when she said in a kind voice:

"Find a gift with your name on it. I want to take pictures of you opening your gift. Your dad isn't here and he'll want to see pictures to remind him of how your Christmas was this year."

Karen hesitated for awhile but my excitement couldn't be contained any longer. I rushed to the tree and found the gift with my name on it. Karen eventually joined me, but there was no joy in opening the gift for her. She was hoping ou\r father would make it home for Christmas but it appeared that dream hadn't come true.

As we unwrapped our gift, Mother shouted at Karen to smile for the camera. "We wouldn't want your father to think you are ungrateful for the gift he bought you this year."

Karen finally got into the mood and quickly tore the wrapping paper. Mother snapped several pictures of us opening our single gift.

Karen had finally torn through her paper and unearthed a CD player with several cd's of her favorite artists included in the package. My gift was much heavier and larger than Karen's. Karen had to assist me in opening the gift. When I finally unearthed it from its wrapping, I found several books from the Chronicles of Narnia and The Harry Potter Series, all of them were hardback editions. A huge smile enveloped my face, I was only seven but I was reading at a sixth grade level. My dad knew how much I loved to read and he had gotten me the perfect gift.

As I basked in wonder at my special Christmas gift, I heard Karen ask, "Who do these other gifts belong to?"

"Your dad felt bad that he couldn't be here this Christmas because of work and he bought those for me," replied Mother.

"I asked dad for a laptop this year and he promised me he would get me one," said Karen suspiciously.

"Your dad didn't have enough money to buy you the computer this year," replied Mother.

"He didn't have enough money to buy me a computer but he got you all these gifts," said Karen sarcastically.

"That's what I said, didn't I. I guess he doesn't think as much of your needs as mine," said Mother.

"Dad never breaks his promises. He promised me a laptop and Pam a Barbie Dream house. Call him so he can tell you where the rest of our gifts are," said Karen.

"Well, miss smarty pants, he isn't here and he won't be home for several days. I'm not about to call him when he's on the road to satisfy your ungratefulness. Now stop getting an attitude with me because your precious father didn't get you your Christmas gift. Instead of copping an attitude with me, go get a garbage bag so you can clean up this mess you and your sister made," said Mother grabbing the first of her gifts and opening it. She casually threw her wrapping paper on the floor with our wrapping paper.

Karen gave Mother a look to die for before she stood up and exited the room. She returned several moments later with a big garbage bag. She placed the bag by Mother and began gathering up the debris we had scattered all over the floor. Mother continued to open her gifts and throw her paper on the floor even though the garbage bag was at her feet. Karen had finally managed to pick up all the trash. She gathered up her gift and called for me to come with her to our room.

"Pam, had me those gifts on the other side of the tree," said Mother commandingly.

I grabbed the gifts and handed them to Mother before beginning to follow Karen out of the room.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Mother.

"We're going to take our things up to the room," said Karen.

"No, you need to stay down here and finish cleaning up," replied Mother throwing more wrapping paper on the floor.

I looked to Karen unsure of what to do next. Karen signaled for me to sit back down. She began to gather up the trash that Mother had thrown on the floor as I watched Mother unwrap more gifts. Father had bought Mother several pretty blouses and dresses as well as a diamond pendant. I couldn't imagine what might be in the last box, the one I had admired so much the first day we found the Christmas tree in the living room. I watched in fascination as she opened this final gift.

Karen looked at her devoid of emotion. She watched Mother open her final gift. It was the laptop computer she had asked father for this Christmas. Her face crumbled and she fought to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. "That's my gift," shouted Karen.

"Your dad wouldn't get you a laptop sweetheart, he would buy you a desktop," said Mother sweetly.

"I asked for a laptop because it would fit on my desk easily. You have a desktop computer, you don't need another one," shouted Karen her emotions getting the better of her.

Mother's face turned red at the realization that Karen was actually yelling at her. She rose from her sitting position, a look of pure hatred on her face. She raised her hand to strike Karen but before she could do anything, the bell rang, interrupting her actions.

"Go answer the door and get that look off your face," said Mother seething with anger.

Karen walked out of the living room foaming mad. A couple of seconds later I heard a shriek before the door opened and Karen yelled, "Dad!"

Mother and I jumped up from our seat and ran towards the front door. When we reached the hallway, dad had Karen in a bear hug.

I looked at Mother as a silly grin surfaced on my face but instead of a look of joy coming over Mother, a strange look came over her instead.

"I thought you couldn't make it home," said Mother.

"I managed to catch up with Diego, he was trying to get back to Florida. I brought his haul back and he took mine."

"Dad, you sound funny," said Karen.

Our father cleared his throat before speaking again, "I think I might be coming down with a cold."

"Well, come on in. I'll make you some tea and while I'm doing that, please explain to your oldest daughter why you bought me a laptop and you didn't get her one, even though she asked you for one."

"I'll talk to Karen about that later. Have you all opened all the gifts?" he asked heading toward the living room.

"Yes, Karen was getting up the mess we made opening the presents," said Mother all smiles now.

"Dad, why didn't you get me my Christmas Barbie Dream House?" I whined.

"My lovely ladies can you just be grateful that I am here for you this Christmas. I'm starving, honey did you cook breakfast yet?" he asked.

"I'm headed to the kitchen now. What would you like for breakfast?" she asked.

"I'm in the mood for pancakes, eggs and sausage," he replied.

"Dad, you never eat sausage," said Karen.

"I know, I decided to give them one last try," he replied smoothly. He looked at Karen, "I have a surprise for you later, after all you are my favorite girl."

"I thought I was your favorite girl," replied Mother.

"You're all my favorite girls, you are all favored in special ways," he replied smoothly.

We sat at the kitchen table as mother prepared breakfast. Karen began asking dad all kinds of questions about his last trip. Dad would always tell us about the places he had delivered things. He promised to take us on a trip on one of his routes when we got older and we were looking forward to it.

"Karen, I am not in the mood to tell you everything that happened on my last trip. Why don't you talk to your sister for awhile and give me a little peace and quiet," said dad.

Mother turned and looked at him. He noticed the look on Mother's face and turned to look at Karen.

She had dropped her head and looked on the verge of tears once again. He became immediately contrite upon seeing the disappointed look on her face. "I'm sorry sweetheart, its' just been a long night and I wanted to talk to you later about my trip. I have something special for you this Christmas, I might be more excited to give it to you, than for you to receive it" he said standing and walking over to her seat. He stooped before her and took her hands in his. "Can you forgive me for being so surly?" he asked.

Karen looked up at him with a beautiful smile on her face and shook her head yes in acceptance.

Dad chucked her under her chin and returned to his seat. "How was your week?" he inquired.

Karen and I both started talking at the same time.

"Whoa! One at a time ladies, there's enough of me to go around," he said jokingly.

We stopped talking at the same time then Karen started telling him about the Christmas party in her classroom. After breakfast, dad told me he had a surprise for me as well. I was getting a little concerned and jealous because he had only told Karen he had a special gift for her. I didn't want to be left out.

He covered my eyes and slowly walked me to the basement door. I tried to run down the stairs but he stopped me saying it was too dangerous to run down stairs when your eyes are covered. The anticipation was killing me and it seemed to take forever for us to make it to the bottom.

When we finally touched the basement floor, dad told me to keep my eyes closed and he released me. I wanted to peek so badly but I knew dad would be disappointed if I did. I managed to stand there with my eyes closed until he gave me further directions.

"Pumpkin, turn to the right and take two steps forward, then open your eyes," he commanded.

I was so excited about my gift that I didn't correct him when he called me Pumpkin instead of Pupkin. I quickly did as he instructed, my eyes flew open the second my foot hit the ground. There it was sitting in the middle of the floor, my Barbie Christmas Dream Home. I jumped up and down and started screaming, "Thank you daddy, thank you daddy!"

Mother and Karen came running down the stairs to see what all the racket was about. Karen saw the house and a big smile lit up her face.

"You got your dollhouse," she said looking at me.

"Karen there's no need to fret, I have a surprise for you as well but we have to leave the house for your surprise," said dad.

"Can I come with you?" I asked anxiously.

"No, Pumpkin. You got your gift by yourself, now it's Karen's turn," he replied.

"Charles, why don't you take Pam's dollhouse up to their room," said Mother icily.

"Yes dear. Don't forget what I told you when we talked," he said coolly.

"I haven't forgotten. Besides, you know how to make it right and I can't wait for you to make it right," she replied before turning and walking back up the stairs.

"Let's go girls, we need to find the perfect place for this beautiful dream house," said dad as he picked up the box and ushered us up the stairs.

Karen dragged me to our room so that we could find the perfect spot to place the dream house. By the time dad arrived upstairs we had the section cleaned and waiting on him.

Dad took the dream house out of the box and quickly assembled it before placing it in its' honored position. He turned to Karen, "We will leave in about twenty minutes. I need to talk to your mother," he said before walking out of the room.

I sat down at my new Barbie Christmas Dream Home forgetting about the wonderful books I had received and began to play. Karen joined me. We were having a good time until dad called for Karen. She left me playing with my doll house to go get her Christmas surprise.

I'm not sure how long they were gone but I got bored playing by myself and decided to ask mother when they would return. I had always avoided being in the room with mother by myself, so I quietly walked into the living room to ask about Karen and dad. Mother politely told me to take a nap and they'd be back by the time I woke up. I obediently went back to the room not wanting to incur her wrath and got into my bed.

When I woke up, it was dark in the room. I looked around for Karen but I didn't see her. As I slowly allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness I heard her. She was crying. I jumped out of my bed, crossed over to the lamp and turned it on before walking over to her bed. A laptop computer was on it, but no Karen.

"Karen, where are you and why are you crying?" I asked, concern laced in my voice. She didn't answer me at first.

"Karen if you don't answer me, I'm going to go get dad," I said.

"No, don't do that," came her fevered reply. It had come from under her bed. I dropped down on all fours and lifted up her comforter. Karen was curled up into a ball with tears streaming down her face.

I reached out to her but she pulled away from me.

"Don't touch me!" she said in a whispered scream.

"What's wrong?" I asked lying down on my stomach and facing her. It took her a long time before she answered.

"I want you to promise me something," she said. "Promise me you'll never go anywhere with dad alone."

"Why?" I asked.

"Cause he might hurt you like he hurt me," she said.

"But he got you your laptop computer, how is that hurting you? Didn't he take you to get it?" I asked. Karen never answered that question.

"I don't want it anymore," she said crying again.

"Did dad hit you? Is that how he hurt you?" I asked beginning to cry.

"No, what he did was much worse. You are too young to understand. Haven't I always protected you from Mother when she was mad?" she asked.

"Yes," I said, getting afraid of what she was hinting at. Mother never did anything around father. He had always provided a measure of protection when he was home but when he was gone she would torture us.

"Well, now I'm telling you this to protect you from him. Don't stay in the room with him by yourself. Don't talk to him so much and maybe he won't notice you when you get older. Promise me Pam," she said desperately.

"I promise," I said to Karen that night. I didn't understand why she had made me make that promise, but I knew I had to keep it. She was never the same after that Christmas. It would take the school's sex education class to help me make sense of that night and the conversation we had.

Lady watch out!

Smack! a sharp pain shot up my arm, jarring me back to the present.

"Are you okay?" came the question from a tall young man.

"Yeah! I'm fine," I replied rubbing my arm to take out the sting of the baseball.

"I'm sorry about that. I tried to warn you but you appeared to be in another world," said the guy standing before me.

"Don't worry about it. I was just taking a stroll down memory lane," I replied.

"It must have been some memory for you to take a hit like that from a baseball," he said.

"Yeah, you could say that," I said rising from the bench.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked once again with kindness in his voice.

"Yes, I'll be fine. I just have a lot on my mind," I assured him before walking away. I shook myself out of my stupor and headed back to the car. That memory always jarred me. I had adored my father up until that fateful Christmas. He did so many things wrong that Christmas, him eating sausage (a meat he detested), Karen and the abuse she suffered from him, and his inability to say my nick name properly, as if he hadn't given it to me were just a few. It often made me wonder if he suffered some form of mental illness similar to what I believed my mother had.

I didn't want to think about the man who donated his sperm to my existence, it was too painful and seeing Vanessa Bell hadn't made it any better. I needed to get to my parents' home to get some answers from my mother.

Chapter 4

I pulled up in front of the house I grew up in. As I peered out the side window of Chris' car, I looked at the house that had brought me joy in the beginning and pure hell towards the end of my stay there. I slowly noticed the changes that time and disrepair had brought to the house as I tried to hold back the memories and the tears that were threatening to bubble to the surface.

In the two years since my last visit, the house had gone through some changes. The grass was overgrown in the yard and weeds were poking out at every instance. The house had lost its luster and I wondered why. This was not a house my precious father would be living in, he prided himself on a well kept home and wife. I wondered how they could be celebrating their anniversary in grand style with a house looking like this, it didn't make any sense.

I slowly walked up to the door avoiding the weeds and grass that had spilled onto the walkway. The paint hadn't been refreshed on this old Victorian home and I was surprised at this as well. My mother took pride in the home she had built even if she hadn't taken pride in the children she had sired.

The stairs creaked and the screen door was wobbly on its hinges. I slowly opened it, afraid that it would be dislodged from its mount at the slightest touch. I knocked on the door, three successive raps and then I stepped back, unsure of the reception I would receive. I heard movement inside the house but the wait for the door to open was intolerable for me. Too many memories had started to creep back into my subconscious since my arrival at my childhood home.

Your body is a temple, meant to please a man, wiggle and gyrate as fast as you can. The little rhyme my mother had taught Karen and me came flooding back. I was being dragged under once again when the door swung open and my mother stood before me extinguishing another painful memory from forming in my mind. I wondered if I should be grateful to her for my reprieve, but all thoughts of gratefulness dissipated with her words.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with a contemptuous look on her face.

Gone was that happy person calling to check on if I had gotten the card announcing her anniversary. The surly old hag I was more familiar with was home. "Hi, Mother. I came to talk to you. It's not about money, so no need to get defensive. Is father around?" I stated in a matter of fact manner.

"No, he isn't around. Besides, I'm not concerned with you asking about money, you know the score on that matter. Why are you asking about your precious father, oh I'm sorry he isn't so precious anymore, now is he? And, since when do you care where he is?" she stated rather snidely, turning and walking into the house.

"I don't, I was just asking out of politeness," I said following behind her. It never ceases to amaze me how polite she could be on the phone but face to face she was a totally different creature. I closed the door and trailed her.

The house was encased in darkness. All of the blinds were closed, the only light that existed, peeked at us from the kitchen, teasing us with its shine. It was in this direction that mother headed now.

I could smell the sausage frying and wondered if she was just now cooking breakfast this late in the afternoon. When I arrived in the kitchen, she looked at me with surprise. I guess she thought I had left. The younger me would have sulked away, accepting her dismissal, but the current me was on a mission to get answers and I wasn't to be dissuaded.

"You're still here?" she inquired stepping over to the stove to remove the sausage from the frying pan.

"Yes, I told you I needed to talk to you," I replied looking around the kitchen. The garbage can was overflowing with trash and dirty dishes were stacked up in the sink. A layer of dirt and grease seemed to coat every part of the stove, refrigerator and table.

"Well, get to asking. I'd invite you to sit down, but I don't plan on you being here long."

I tentatively sat down ignoring her quip. "Where is dad?"

"He'll be home any moment. I'm cooking breakfast for him now," she replied.

"Since when does dad come home to a filthy kitchen. And I'm pretty sure he isn't looking for sausage in the middle of the day. He doesn't eat sausage or did you forget?" I stated snidely. I was taking a little joy in seeing her and the house in disrepair. It boosted my courage and my tongue. My father hadn't supported me after high school. I guess he wasn't supporting her either.

Our house had always been spotless when I was a child growing up here. As big as this house was, Karen and I had to share a room because mother complained about the extra work of cleaning up behind us. Karen didn't want me to have my own room for different reasons, so she never complained about sharing a room with me.

"You don't need to concern yourself with my household, worry about your own. Or do you still have one?" she asked with a smirk.

I ignored that little comment and got down to the reason I had come to see her. "Mother, does dad have any outside children?"

"Outside children, what do you mean outside children?" she asked maliciously. She peered out of the kitchen window before she commented further. "There aren't any kids outside that belong to your father."

"You know what I mean. Does he have any children by another woman, you know a woman that isn't you?" I asked more vehemently. My mother's current state of dishevelment gave me courage, it was the complete opposite of my youth when her flawless beauty and style tied my tongue.

"Your father is devoted to me. He would never do such a thing. I know how to treat my man. He will always come back to me. He hadn't wanted you or that weak little girl you called your sister. Why do you think he was never at home? And why would he go out and get another woman pregnant? He loves me, he has always loved me and will always love me," she said emphatically, a glint of craziness peeked out from the corners of her eyes.

"You still defend him after all this time. A man who molested your daughter as a special Christmas gift and you stood by and allowed it to happen, a man who has a successful trucking business but he still makes runs instead of spending time with his family. When was the last time you saw him?" I couldn't believe she would still defend him and to call Karen weak when she had been so brave to me, always protecting me from mother's mood swings and dad's lascivious nature. I couldn't take it anymore. I stormed out of the kitchen and headed for the living room. I turned on lights as I stormed through the house, looking at the layers of dirt and dust that coated every piece of furniture and every crevice of the living room.

Mother followed in my wake, shouting at me. "Don't touch my lights, get out of my house you shouldn't be here when your father gets home."

"You need to take a look around you, he isn't coming home. You've been deluding yourself. Father probably hasn't been here in months. I doubt you'll be having that anniversary party you sent me an invitation for. Your lies have been revealed, you can stop pretending you're a happily married woman when you call me. I could care less about you and father's relationship," I said looking at the boxes stacked up around the room.

Mother looked around the living room at the layers of dirt and grime that had accumulated, the boxes of knick knacks that she had ordered, yet hadn't opened. She continued to stare, eyes seeing clearly for the first time what had become of the house she had loved.

I went on the attack noticing the chink in her armor. "Why would he come home to this? Why would he come home to you? You have nothing to offer him, you don't have any more little girls for him to abuse!" I yelled.

She fell to her knees and started crying. Retching sobs that seemed to rack her body. She curled up into the fetal position, protecting herself from the words that I had spewed from my mouth.

Never had I seen my mother so broken. She seemed to crumble in stature before my eyes. I looked at her unsure of how to respond to this woman that I had never met in my life. There was a knock at the door and I went to answer it, unable to bear the picture my mother presented to me at that moment.

I peeked out of the blinds and saw a delivery truck parked in front of the house. She had ordered more junk, I thought opening the front door to the delivery man.

"Hi, I have the bi-weekly delivery of groceries for Mrs. Charles Columbus," said the delivery driver. "Would you please sign the delivery receipt?" he requested handing me the form.

I accepted the form and signed it before asking, "How long have you been delivering groceries to this address?"

"I've been delivering groceries here for about six months but the guy before me had been delivering groceries for about two years prior to me," he replied before turning around. "I'll be back with the groceries." He quickly walked back to his truck.

I stood there waiting for him to return with the groceries Mother had been receiving for the last two and a half years. I wondered if that was how long it had been since Mother had seen my dad. I looked back into the house and saw her standing there with a strange look on her face.

"I almost forgot its grocery delivery day. Your dad is the best husband in the world, he would never forget about me. He takes such good care of me," she said.

The young man wheeled the dolly up to the front door and set several boxes inside the door. "You have a good day," he said before walking back to his truck.

Mother grabbed one of the boxes and took it into the kitchen. I grabbed another and followed her. She looked totally different now that she had the groceries. The broken woman I had left in the living room on the floor crying was gone and a different creature had emerged. I assisted her in putting the groceries away and trying to figure out a way to get her to answer my questions. After several moments she started humming.

I looked at her with an amazed look on my face. She was actually humming a gospel song. I don't believe my mother has ever set foot in a church in my twenty years of existence. We never listened to church music or watched it on TV. The only reason I knew it was a church song was because Chris had played it several times in the apartment at one time or another.

"Mother, how do you know that song," I asked.

"I joined a church about a year ago and attend regular services every Sunday," she replied.

"You joined a church?" I asked not quite understanding what she had just said to me.

"Yes, I joined a church. You don't have to act so surprised at that revelation. You could use a little Christ in your life," she said snidely.

"Did you ask for forgiveness of all you sins?" I asked just as cheekily. "Or did you pray for father to return?" I inquired.

"I can see you are the same little brat that your sister Karen was, you're just older now," she snapped at me.

"Older and a lot wiser, I'm used to your games by now Mother. They don't faze me anymore. I'm going to learn the truth about father whether you tell me or not," I said turning to leave.

"Why are you so concerned about your father's business? You must still love him. Yet, you still blame him for your sister's death, like you blamed him for everything else, I see," she said. "You can't touch him and you never will."

I didn't want to hear anything else that she might say, so I quickly left the house. I wondered if my father was living with Vanessa's mother now. I knew for sure he wasn't staying with Mother. Yet, he was still footing the bills because she was receiving groceries and still able to order things. I guess father didn't have a problem with taking care of more than one woman at a time. I jumped in Chris' car and headed back to our apartment with more questions than answers on my mind.

Chapter 5

Vanessa

I left Pam's apartment with mixed emotions warring within my heart. I was furious at the revelation that my mother and "Uncle Charles" had lied to me all my life and a sense of cold dread crept into my heart at why that lie was necessary. Why would they lie to me all my life about my parentage? Why couldn't they tell me the truth when I got older? Why hadn't he simply divorced his wife and stayed with my mother? Divorces are a common thing in this day and age. It's not like my friends were all from stable households, the majority had gone through several step fathers and boyfriends in fact.

My life wouldn't have been any different than it is now. It's not like I didn't know they were a couple. No, I might not have ever seen them intimate but there had never been another man in my mother's life, she hadn't dated in all the time I was growing up. I mean, were they so comfortable in their lie, that they felt it wouldn't matter. Allowing me to believe that my father was dead all my life and learning that he's alive and had been with me all this time simply didn't make sense to me. I needed answers to the dilemma that was sitting on my shoulders and there was only one place to find them, I thought exiting Pam's little world.

I drove mechanically through the city to my mother's condo. She wasn't at home last night but she should be there today, I felt sure of it. I pulled into the assigned visitor parking for my mother's condo and noted her car wasn't in its assigned parking spot. I hoped that the concierge staff was detailing it. I didn't want to consider the alternative, that she might not be at home once again and I would still be left with unanswered questions. Several more inconsequential thoughts flew through my head as I traveled through the lobby.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Bell," said Thomas, the afternoon security guard for the complex.

"Good afternoon Thomas. How is Stella doing?" I answered in greeting. His wife had recently taken a tumble down a flight of stairs trying to get back in shape after having their second child.

"She's doing much better. Those crutches might actually slow her down a bit. Maybe she'll manage to keep a little bit of the baby fat on her after all. I love the way she looks with the little added cushion but she's still self-conscious about her weight," he replied.

"You just keep encouraging her and telling her she's beautiful not matter what size she is and she'll be fine," I responded before pressing the button to the elevator. I waited patiently for it to arrive. The time allowed me to reminisce on my last few years of living in this building with my mother. We always lived in high rise apartment complexes until my mother bought this condo.

My teenage years were great here even though there weren't very many teenagers within the complex. My friends thought it was cool that we lived in a condo and didn't have to worry about yard work. I moved out when I got accepted into law school. I had tried to move out during my second year of college but my mother said I was too young to live in the dorms or on my own, so it wasn't until I was eighteen years old that I got to leave my mother's home even though I had attended college since the age of fifteen.

The elevator arrived and I slid on, punching the button for the fourteenth floor. I tried not to dwell on the reason for my visit to my mother's because my mind tended to think logically. This situation with my mother and Uncle Charles had nothing to do with logic, I was positively sure of that.

The doors to the elevator opened and deposited me mere steps from my mother's condo. I purposely strode to her door with the intent of knocking but I thought better of it. I had never shown up at my mother's unannounced since the day I had moved out. I wanted to know what I'd see if my mother had no knowledge of my visit. I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door. I quietly walked into the living room, unsure of what I might find there.

The condo was deathly quiet. Sunlight flowed through the room. I quickly scanned the area noticing nothing out of place. I searched both bedrooms and her office before realizing she was not home. I wondered where she might be, when an e-mail I had skimmed over earlier in the week came to mind. She had gone on a route with Uncle Charles this weekend.

I sat down on the couch and berated myself for calling him Uncle Charles once again. He was my father and I knew it deep down in my heart. I allowed the thought to take hold of me and with it a new determination to learn the secrets that my mother and father had kept from me all this time.

I stood and quickly walked into my mother's office. I began searching it for clues of her past before me. I remembered that my mother used to keep a journal and I vigorously began searching for it. There were numerous books and magazines scattered throughout the office. After searching her desk, I began looking on the book shelves. None of the journals I found had anything of value in them.

I finally decided to search the closet in her office. I opened the door and scanned the closet. There were several boxes on the floor, several coats hung from the bars and there were a couple of plastic storage containers on the shelf. One of the storage containers had a floral keepsake box inside it. I pulled it down and took the box out of the container.

Once the lid was removed, I found two leather bound journals on top of some pictures. I took out the first journal and opened it. The second page of the journal was dated June of 1988. I did a quick calculation and realized my mother would have been twenty-three years old that summer. I had found what I was looking for in the keepsake box. Since I had no idea when my mother was due home I grabbed a shopping bag and placed the keepsake box inside, then left the apartment. I hoped that this box would answer all the questions that were bubbling over in my head.

As I exited the elevator on the ground floor, I looked both ways before walking out of the lobby to my car. I truly expected my mother to pop up at any moment and ask me why I had taken something so personal to her, from her home. I continued to look over my shoulder until I was in my car and driving towards my own apartment.

The drive home was filled with memories of my mother and Uncle Charles as I was growing up. He owned a trucking company which is why he would be gone from us a lot. I wondered if he was really on runs or just at his wife's home during those times. I decided to push all those thoughts away. My mother's journals should answer the majority of the questions that were floating around in my head. I finally arrived at my apartment a short while later.

As I walked up to the door of my apartment, I heard the tell tale signs of a missed call. I hadn't realized that I was that engrossed in my thoughts. I pulled out my cell phone and glanced at the number. My mother had called. I wanted to call her back but if I spoke with her, she would be able to tell that something was wrong, so I texted her instead. I promised to call her when I had some free time. She replied back that I was working too hard already. She said she'd be home tomorrow and she wanted me to come by because she had some news to share with me.

I wondered what her news could be and did it relate to Uncle Charles. Once I made it to my apartment I kicked off my shoes and settled down on my loveseat. I was prepared to delve into my mother's past. I knew I had a little under twenty-four hours to read the journals and return them to their rightful place before my mother returned home. I didn't think about the right or wrong of what I was about to do. The wrongs and rights would never add up in my mind anyway. There were too many lies that had been told to me and my ally in this mess would be the truth.

I opened the box and grabbed the journal that was on top. I knew this one began just after she had graduated from college. I flipped through the journal and found that it ended on July 18, 2001. I returned to the beginning and began to read.

Journal Entry, May 18, 1988

I am finally free. I am finally free. I have graduated from college and I am headed to Africa. It is only by God's grace that I'm headed to Africa. The group lost one of its' participants which allowed me to fill the spot. I have two and a half months to prepare. I have waited for a long time to be free of the shackles of my family. Now at the ripe old age of twenty-three I am finally free of them and my inheritance is my own. Now I can finally leave them behind and do what I want to do with my life. I wish it were today instead of two and a half months away, that my plane was leaving for that far and distant land, but the group I will be working with isn't cleared to leave until the beginning of August. The next two and a half months are going to be so hard. I know Linda will continuously try to get me back into the fold but I can't pretend to be like her. I am sorely tempted to change my name. Maybe it doesn't have to be that drastic. A change of venue might be simpler once I return from Africa. I will find another major city to live in. Who knows how I might feel once I return from Africa. I'm beginning to ramble and I promised myself I wouldn't . Good night dear journal, till I have something more interesting to say.

I flipped the page to the next entry, hoping there was something more substantial for me to read. It was dated a week later.

May 25, 1988

A day to remember. Today definitely fits the bill for that kind of day. I was taking a stroll along the lakefront in the hopes of getting some really good images of my beloved city when I witnessed one of the kindest acts I have seen to date. There was this young man around my age having a picnic with this elderly woman. He seemed to be taking the greatest care with her.

I was so enraptured by the picture they presented that I had to take a photo of them sitting together. I would normally ask permission first but I didn't want to disturb them with my probing and destroy such a candid moment. Before long, I had taken nearly an entire roll of film on the two of them. Just as I was about to leave, the young man excused himself from the elderly woman and walked over to me.

Apparently, I wasn't being as inconspicuous as I thought. He had noticed me taking the pictures and wondered if he might have copies of them. He offered to reimburse me for the photos but I declined seeing as I hadn't asked for permission to take the pictures in the first place. We exchanged numbers and I told him I'd call him once I had developed the film. He excused himself from me and returned to the woman's side.

I wondered who she was to him as I returned to my stroll and picture taking. I looked forward to calling him and meeting him to give him the photos. There was something about him that appealed to me like no other guy my age and I wanted to explore it further.

I closed the journal for a moment and examined the two volumes that sat before me. I didn't want to rush the reading but I was short on time. From the initial readings I could tell that it might be awhile before I got the full story concerning my mother and Uncle Charles. After several moments of contemplation, I made my decision.

I gathered my mother's journals, grabbed my purse and headed for the nearest Kinko's. I decided to have the journals copied and bond, then return my mother's originals back to her condo before she returned the next day.

I arrived at the Kinko's and was told it would take about two hours for the journals to be copied and bond. I hadn't eaten anything that day, so I decided to go have lunch while I waited on my order from Kinko's to be filled. As I sat at the little cafe eating my lunch, I considered calling Pam several times but decided against it. I had to get my own head wrapped around the situation, before I invited someone else to the party.

After lunch, I picked up my newly bond journals and headed to my mother's condo to replace the originals. I had dropped off the originals and was en route to my apartment when the truck struck me. I never saw the accident coming. I guess that's why they call it an accident. I was in and out of consciousness heading towards the hospital. Upon my arrival to the hospital I managed to give the emergency room nurse instructions to call Pam and give her the journals. The nurse wouldn't question Pam's relationship to me, we looked like twins. I wanted her to have the journals in case I didn't make it. At least one of us would learn the truth, I thought as I floated into unconsciousness once again.

Chapter 6

Pam

I arrived home shortly after four. Chris was sitting in the living room, watching Pride and Prejudice. She put the DVD on pause when I entered.

"How did things go with your mother?" she asked.

"Not well. She wouldn't admit to anything. She defended him and said exactly what I thought. He didn't want me or Karen, so why would he have any outside children. She still defends him, even after all this time," I said pacing the room.

"I know that doesn't surprise you, she's always been his number one fan. What else did she have to say?"

"Not very much, she told me she joined a church."

"Wait, your mother joined a church, no way. I thought the devils minions weren't allowed to join church."

"Yeah, that little revelation took me by surprise but something else surprised me even more."

"What?"

"She didn't look anything like the picture I received today. She actually looked unkempt. I don't think she's seen him for a long time but she will probably defend him until the end."

"What do you mean she hasn't seen him? They live in the same house. You got that card today. She even called you to make sure you got it. Haven't you been receiving cards from them all year?"

"Yes and I politely put the anniversary card in the trash can with the birthday cards and Valentine's Day cards I received from them. I don't know what makes her send me these things? It's just another slap in the face saying our love doesn't need you. But I digress. I really don't think they live together anymore. While I was there a delivery man brought groceries to the house. The outside of the house looks dilapidated compared to when I left nearly four years ago. If there is one thing I know about my father, it's that he doesn't do filthy, and the house was filthy. I think he left her."

"Really, that's hard to believe. She did everything to please him. I can't imagine him leaving her. Whenever I was around it was like you didn't exist, she was his whole world and he was hers. I used to think they were perfect for one another, even if it was a spiteful thought. I felt that way because of how they treated you. And all this time that witch has been sending you cards and calling you, gloating about how perfect her life is with her husband. And he's been missing in action. She loves messing with your head," said Chris before taking a breath.

"Well she won't be able to mess with it anymore."

"I wonder what made him leave."

"Today showed me just how crazy my mother really is and maybe her beloved husband knows it now as well. That might be one reason why he left her or maybe Vanessa's mother got tired of being the other woman. I asked the delivery guy how long he had been delivering food to the house and he said between him and another guy it was more than two years. Why would he still be taking care of her if he left her?"

"Some men are like that. They feel it's their responsibility to take care of their wife even while they're out cheating on her. It's a duty thing, their probably still married. But if she's been getting food delivered for the last couple of years, and you believe your father has moved out. Why would she still be sending you pictures of them each holiday looking so happy and content with one another?"

"I don't know, once again crazy does come to mind. This is my mother we're talking about. She was actually jealous of the relationship my dad had with his own daughters when we were little. It's probably just her way of showing me that he loves her more than me. It's not like he's tried to contact me since he put me out."

"you don't know me, you don't know me," chirped my cell phone. I looked at my caller id to see if the number seemed familiar, it read Atlanta County Hospital. Visions of my mother stretched out on a gurney in a straight jacket bounced through my head and a small smile creased my lips before I answered the call. As I listened to the message somewhat disbelievingly, the smile slowly left my face. Chris sat quietly watching me. I could tell by the look on her face that my reaction to the phone call puzzled her. I hung up the phone and absentmindedly reached for my purse once again.

"Who was that and where are you going?" asked Chris.

"That was County Hospital. Vanessa was in a car accident and listed me as an emergency contact. She's in and out of consciousness. I need to get down there," I said in a near panic.

"Give me the keys, I'll drive. The way you look, you might end up in a wreck before you get there," said Chris taking the keys out of my hand.

The ride to County was uneventful. I sat in the passenger seat wondering about Vanessa's choice of me as an emergency contact. Why hadn't she called her mother or her "Uncle Charles" for that matter, why me? The nurse seemed concerned about my response to Vanessa's accident. What had she told the nurse about me? It didn't cross my mind that the nurse would automatically assume we were twins when I arrived at the hospital, but that's exactly what happened.

The minute Chris and I stepped inside the emergency room, the triage nurse spotted me and escorted us through the emergency room doors to the room that Vanessa was currently occupying. A nurse named Mandy greeted us when we entered.

"Hi, you must be Pam. Vanessa is going to be alright. She does keep going in and out of consciousness but we don't think it's anything to worry about. They are getting ready to transport her to her room. She wanted me to give you her personal effects that were in the car with her. She said you'd know what to do with them."

I was still reeling at the information that she had just freely given me concerning Vanessa's condition as if I was family. I looked over at Vanessa lying so still on the bed with several IV's running throughout her veins and it dawned on me. The staff looked at me and assumed that Vanessa and I were twins, no ID was necessary. No one would question our relation after looking at us. I accepted the things Nurse Mandy handed to me and listened to the rest of her statements.

"She's going to be out of it for most of the day, so you don't need to hang around. If anything changes, we'll give you a call. Unless you just like hanging around hospitals," she said.

"Can I call and check on her later to be on the safe side?" I asked.

"Sure, she'll be in room 216. If you want to go up to the room and wait for her to get there, that would be fine but she probably won't regain consciousness again anytime soon," she replied.

I looked at Chris for guidance and she shook her head. "Thanks, we'll just go and check out the room, so we'll know where it is tomorrow," I replied before we left the room. We walked up to Vanessa's room and looked around. They had given her a private room. There were flowers on a table next to the bed and a flat screen TV at the foot of the bed. We decided not to wait until Vanessa came up from the emergency room, she wouldn't know if we were there anyway. I carried the bag I had received to the car and we drove back to our apartment.

Once we were back in our apartment a sense of exhaustion took over my body. Chris went to make dinner, while I carried the bag with Vanessa's personal things into the room and placed them at the foot of my bed. I crawled in my bed to relax for a little while until dinner was ready. I never made it, my body shutdown and I was asleep within minutes. I didn't wake until the next day.

Chapter 7

The following day, Chris and I journeyed to the hospital to check on Vanessa's condition. We received our visitors' pass and headed to her room. I wondered if the hospital had reached her mom and if she had come to check on Vanessa. I was pretty sure I wasn't the only one she had listed as an emergency contact.

When we made it to the room, the doctor had just finished filling out her chart. We waited patiently to see if there was any change in her condition. He informed us that she had slipped into a coma overnight. They had assumed incorrectly that her injuries weren't bad. They found that she was bleeding internally when she went into the coma and the doctor had to perform emergency surgery on her. The coma worried the doctor. Her vitals were strong but she was still in a coma.

We quietly entered her room and noticed how uninviting the room appeared to be compared to the night before. The flowers were gone and with it the welcoming feeling. No sound emanated from the TV, although it was playing an episode of Jeopardy.

Vanessa lay deathly still on the bed. Her only sign of life was the tell-tale rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. She had some slight discoloration on the left side of her head and face. I assumed it came from her hitting her head against the steering wheel upon impact. That was the only sign to indicate she had been in an accident. I crossed the room and sat in the chair next to the bed. I was trying to figure out my next move.

"Let's turn up the volume on the television. All this silence is eerie, it makes it seem as if she's already dead, it won't help her come awake from the coma," said Chris.

I reached for the remote to the television as the nurse entered the room.

"Music would be better than the TV. Music has a tendency to activate the brain waves. I brought an old radio I had from the last patient on this floor who was in a coma. Would you like to give it a try?" asked Nurse Cynthia.

"Sure, anything you think might be helpful. I've never dealt with a person in the hospital before, so I really don't know what to expect," I replied.

"You don't have to worry about your twin, she'll be fine. Normally people come out of comas within a day or two, three at the most," said Nurse Cynthia setting up the radio before leaving the room.

Neither Chris nor I corrected her assumption. My looking like Vanessa was probably the only reason we had easy access to her room today.

"Has anyone visited her besides us?" I asked.

"No, you two are the only visitors she's had," said Nurse Cynthia before leaving the room.

"Pam, we might need to contact her law firm to let them know she's in the hospital. They should be able to contact her mother and let her know what's going on," said Chris.

"She did say our bosses were good friends. Do you have Mr. Thomas' number?"

"Yeah, I'll step into the bathroom and call him. He should be able to contact his friend and let him know what's going on with her," said Chris going into the bathroom.

When I was alone with Vanessa, I decided to voice my thoughts about our current situation. "Vanessa, I'm not sure if you are hearing any of this but I've been wondering about a lot of things. Like, how do you know my father? Is he your father also? That question has teased my brain for the last twenty-four hours. My mother wouldn't tell me anything. I was wondering if your mother was honest with you. God, I wished you would have told me something yesterday when you stopped by," I said in exasperation.

I don't know why I decided to take this tack with her, it's not like she was going to wake up and answer my questions so I decided to change subjects to something more familiar to her. "I got the Kinko's bag you told the nurse to give to me. I haven't looked in the bag. I figured since you're a lawyer, it might be important papers you didn't want to be misplaced while you were in the hospital. I'll keep them until you are well or until I can give them to your boss. Vanessa, you've got to be okay. If you're my sister, I'd like to get to know you but if you die that won't be possible."

The door to the bathroom opened and Chris walked out. I stopped my dialog with Vanessa and waited for Chris to tell me if she was successful in getting in contact with Vanessa's employer.

"Mr. Thomas is going to see if he can reach him to let him know what's going on. Come on we should leave, you look like you are at the end of your rope. You need to get your mind off of this situation. I'm taking you out for a little fun."

"I don't know Chris. What if Vanessa wakes up?"

"What if she doesn't? You can't sit here all day and night. You've been through enough this weekend with your mother. I am not taking no for an answer. Besides, we're in my car and unless you want to walk home you're coming with me."

"Okay, you win. But I want to stop back by the hospital before visiting hours are over to check on her," I said.

"Or you can call to see if there has been any change in her since you left."

"Or, I could call to see if there is any change," I finally agreed with Chris.

We left the hospital and headed to parts unknown, at least for me it was parts unknown. Chris hadn't said where she wanted to take me to de-stress, so I just sat in the passenger seat and rode in silence. After about twenty minutes of driving, my erratic thoughts got the better of me. My mind slipped back into the past.

"Karen, Pam, get your behind's down here right now!" yelled Mother.

I instantly began to shake at that tone of voice, it never boded well for Karen or I. Karen grabbed my hand and tried to reassure me.

"It's going to be okay. I'll be with you, don't worry. I'm not going to leave you alone with her," said Karen guiding me downstairs to the living room.

"I don't know who you two think I am. I don't fancy being a maid to two spoiled brats. You dropped a pea on the floor when you were eating dinner. Now my floors are ruined. Karen go get the mop and bucket, run some mop water and add a lot of Pinesol to the water, only use a little bleach. Pam get a towel to wipe my floor before she mops. Well, what are you still standing there for, get to moving!"

Karen pulled me out of the living room and into the kitchen. "See, I told you it was going to be okay. She just wants us to clean up." She grabbed the mop bucket and handed me a towel. She put plenty of Pinesol in the mop water and just a dab of bleach.

Karen decided to sweep the floor before we started mopping. She understood how Mother's mind worked much better than I ever did. Once she finished sweeping I started wiping the floor with the towel and she came behind me with the mop.

Mother walked into the kitchen when we were halfway done mopping. "What do you two think you're doing!" she yelled.

"We're mopping the floor," said Karen softly.

"Did your dummies sweep the floor before you started mopping!" Yelled Mother before pulling the belt from behind her back. Karen never got the chance to answer her question. Mother just started swinging the belt. Karen took the brunt of the lashes because she shielded me with her body. When Mother finally got tired she stopped and told us to go to our room.

We ran to our room and crawled in the bed together crying our hearts out. An hour later our door opened and our father came in.

"Karen, I need to talk to you," he said holding out his hand.

Karen looked over at me with tears in her eyes. I could see the terror on her face. Karen, I cried out.

"Pam, Pam, snap out of it," said Chris bringing me back to the here and now. "I told you we were going to de-stress and here you go daydreaming about your beautiful past again."

"Sorry, I couldn't help it, the car was too quiet. So where are we headed?" I asked trying to deflect the conversation away from my daydream. Tears had filled my eyes and I looked out the passenger side window in an effort to get my emotions under control.

"I want to check out the new outlet mall that was built a couple of months ago. Kimmie was raving about the prices and it has a chef supply store in it. You don't mind that we're doing something I like to help you de-stress, do you?"

"So what do I get out of this little excursion?" I asked having regained a measure of control over my rioting emotions.

"There's a great bookstore in the outlet mall and a scrapbooking store as well. This mall has something for everyone."

"Is this the same mall with the trolley running through the center, to take people to different parts of it?"

"Yep, that's the one we're headed to. I heard the food court has every restaurant imaginable. Some people go just for the food."

"Okay, you've convinced me. Especially since I didn't eat dinner last night and only had a bagel for breakfast. How long will it take to get there?"

"Another fifteen minutes on the highway and about five minutes more once we exit."

"This place sounds huge. Do you know where you're going to park to get to the stores you've mentioned?"

"Yeah, I pulled down a map of the mall off-line. One of the book stores is close to the Chef store. We'll reach it before the bookstore. There are a couple of things I want to price so I can add them to my budget."

"Chris, I still can't believe how stringent you have been when it comes to money. I don't know how you do it, or why you insist on doing it for that matter."

"You know I want to open my own restaurant one day, so I need to learn to budget and keep as much money free as possible for that day."

"Yeah, but aren't you being a little compulsive. You could get the things you want today and not put a dent in the money you've saved," I replied.

"I guess I might as well tell you. I've been saving so much and being so miserly because my parents promised to double the money I have saved to get me started. But they insist on me having a nice nest egg for the start up cost. Most new businesses fold within the first two years due to financial woes. They don't want that to happen to me, so I'm required to save at least $350,000 for my first two years, but whatever I save, they will double."

"Isn't your trust fund, like $750,000?"

"Yeah, but they will only allow me to use $200,000 of it for start up. They don't know that I took $50,000 of it and put it in the stock market. I've already made $250,000 and I could make up to $300,000 more before I graduate. My parents will have to double close to $750,000, if I can help it."

"Like I just said, you can buy the items you want instead of saving for them."

"No, I can't. I've stopped using my credit cards. They are my Achilles heel. I'm in the process of paying them off and I'm trying to live off my current income. I have to prove to my parents that I can stick to a budget and live through the rough times. So, I'll price the items and plan accordingly," said Chris as she pulled into the parking lot next to the Great Chef Cookout Store. The parking lot wasn't very full, but it was early and most people hadn't gotten out of church yet.

Chris and I grabbed our purses and sauntered into the chef's store. I had been to a lot of cooking stores with Chris, but this one by far was the best. The store boasted every type of pot, pan, cooking sheet, oven, stove and cooking utensil imaginable. It made me want to try my hand at cooking, as I stood in the center of utensil mania.

Several employees were scattered throughout the store demonstrating how to use various knife sets, ovens, sauce pans, blenders, and cappuccino machines. The smells emanating throughout the store reminded my stomach of its miserly breakfast from this morning. I decided to take advantage of the sales clerks' demonstration by trying the foods that they had cooked with the instruments on display.

Once Chris had made her choices and her budget we headed to the bookstore. We passed by several clothing stores on our way and noticed there were more people in the mall than we previously suspected. We did a little window shopping but no store drew me in until we reached the bookstore.

Upon entering the bookstore, I quickly acclimated myself to the cataloguing system the store used and located the historical fiction and history sections of the store. I headed to historical fiction first. As I was browsing through the historical fiction section, I heard an all too familiar voice.

"Charles, come look at this book," I heard my mother say.

My head snapped up at the sound of that voice, combined with that name. I scanned the area but didn't see my mother. For a moment I thought that I was hearing things, until she spoke again. The voice was the same just a little raspier.

"Charles, I'm over here. You act like your seventy years old. There's nothing wrong with your eyesight, so I know you see me, quit playing around."

I looked toward the outer aisles and watched as my father passed by my aisle heading towards the back of the store. I quickly placed the book I had been reading back on the shelf and started moving in the direction he was headed. I saw him turn down the third aisle from the one I had just exited. I quickly walked towards the aisle and peered around the shelves to watch the scene unfold.

"What do you want to show me?" he asked moving closer to her location.

I stood there watching the intimate scene. One I had seen many times as a very small child but it had disappeared as Karen and I had gotten older. Some years after Karen's death, those scenes got a new life. I couldn't stand to see the love they showed one another but withheld from me like I was a leper. I watched them, not quite believing my eyes. My mother was completely transformed in his presence. She had combed her hair. She was wearing make-up and had gotten her nails done. I could not believe the picture she presented compared to just twenty-four hours before.

"This is the book I was talking about. It will help you set up a more functional system for your employees. It will also make running your business much smoother. William was telling me about it, he said he told you but you still aren't listening to him yet."

The scene I was watching seemed surreal. I couldn't believe how in tune my parents seemed to be with one another. I hadn't seen my father in almost four years and he seemed older than I remembered. The pictures my Mother had sent of him and her didn't do my father justice. He was slimmer and there was some graying around his temples. He had grown a goatee and it actually suited his face. He was an extremely handsome man. Looking at the two of them, they presented a striking couple, more in person than they ever did on pictures.

He looked at my mother with such love and affection that I couldn't believe it. I looked at my mother once again. She exuded such beauty and kindness in his presence. I guess she decided that going to church wasn't important this Sunday. Apparently she had no problem with him popping in and out of her life at his on convenience. She was in her element, she was with her man.

I couldn't take the happy couple they presented any longer. My blood began to boil as I thought about Vanessa, the sister I just found out about and Karen, the sister that I had lost thanks to this man. My mind simply snapped. There is no other way to describe the anger and hurt I felt from these two people who were supposed to love and care for their children but had only given them anguish and heartache at every turn.

I stepped into the aisle where they stood and they looked over at me. There was a warm and loving smile on their faces as they noticed me. For one simple moment I actually felt loved by these two before I dropped myself back down to reality. I knew from experience that any chance I gave my mother would see me cowering and obedient. My father whom I once loved with all my heart bore the majority of my enmity for Karen's death. I let the memory of her death envelope me in a cloak of wrath and set it upon the couple before me.

"Hello sweetheart, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be working," said my mother.

"Since when have you kept up with my schedule," I said contemptuously giving her the once over. "I guess you're happy now that your man is spending time with you. What happened to the miserable old hag I saw yesterday. You cleaned up quick when your precious husband called, I see. Oh, don't look so surprised. I refuse to bite my tongue any longer with you or him ever again. You are both pathetic excuses for parents. You should have never had children then you wouldn't have to pretend to care about them. At least Karen was able to escape your clutches, even if it was in death, its' better than what I've had to endure these last ten years of my life."

I looked directly at my father, "I should have told someone what you did to her. You're the reason she's dead. I hate you both and I hope never to see you again in my life. I used to wonder why you didn't talk to your family, but I can see, they probably disowned both of you because you're such selfish, egotistical, and self centered individuals. I never saw it before but you two deserve each other," I said looking into the stunned faces of my parents. I had gotten loud towards the end of my speech and several customers and sales clerks had migrated towards the sound of the commotion. I turned to leave and noticed Chris giving me two thumbs up. I turned back to them for my parting shot. "Oh, dad, your precious daughter Vanessa is in County Hospital in a coma, room 216, you might want to go visit her."

I turned and walked away. Chris high fived me and we walked out of the bookstore. We decided not to do anymore shopping. I didn't have the energy to bump into my parents again. We left the mall and decided to get something to eat at Lane's which was down the street from our apartment. I changed my mind about checking up on Vanessa as well, knowing my father would be going to the hospital to check up on her condition.

Chapter 8

"I wished you would've seen the looks on your parents' faces," said Chris opening the door to her car and climbing in. "They were totally shocked at how you lit into them. It took everything in me not to laugh in their faces. Your mother looked like she had swallowed a bag of prunes. Your father seemed more accepting of the tongue lashing until you mentioned your sister. His face deflated at your mention of Karen. That information affected him in a different way, he actually seemed at little shocked by what you were saying."

"I don't know why either of them would be surprised, that tongue-lashing was a long time in the making. It felt good to see my mother's face drop for once, even if it was only for a moment," I replied. "It's funny, before I lit into them, they actually seemed happy to see me. Hell, I just saw my mother yesterday and she looked like I was the last person on earth she wanted to see. But then again, she always managed to put on a good show for my father even after all this time."

"You know for a second, I thought your dad was going to come after you but your mother stopped him."

"It's a good thing he didn't, I had already spotted a large sized almanac I wanted to toss at his head. If he had come after me, that almanac was the first thing I was going to use as a weapon."

The ringtone for Chris' cell phone chirped loudly with its' annoying message. She had special ringtones and chirps for everyone she knew, so an unknown caller was identified with the annoying ringtone "Whose that calling on my phone? I don't know!" Chris reached over in her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She glanced at the caller id. "I'm not sure who this is but I have an inkling it might be from Vanessa's office, so I'll take it to be on the safe side."

I waited several moments while Chris talked to the mystery caller. I replayed the scene in my head with a little bit of joy. There was so much more I could have said to my parents but at that moment I just didn't feel the need to waste my breath or time on them anymore. Too much of my life had already been lived wishing on stars that never fell from the sky where they were concerned. I hoped now that I had finally said the majority of the things in my heart that I would be able to move on with my life but I knew this wasn't to be. No matter how many hateful things I might say to them, there was still a need deep down within me, a need to be loved and accepted by my parents. There would always be a question about why Vanessa felt totally different about our father than I did. What had made Vanessa more lovable than Karen and I? Why was she protected and Karen abused? Why was I spared the same fate as Karen? Did Karen's death cause my father to rethink his actions?

Chris finally ended her call with a puzzled look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"That was Vanessa's boss. He said that they would contact her mother to let her know what was happening. He's also sending someone over to the hospital to check up on her condition. He wants me to call him back when we get home. Apparently Vanessa wasn't working on anything for the job. He said she was empty handed when she left the office on Friday. He's sending one of the associates to the apartment to check the document to make sure."

"Do you think we should take a look at the document to save them the trouble?"

"No, he specifically asked if we had read it. When I told him we hadn't even looked in the bag, he was relieved. He doesn't want us to be called into court on some case that we have no idea about just because we saw some paperwork. Let's just call him when we get home and let them handle it."

We fell into silence after the decision was made. My mind wondered to Vanessa and if my father had gone to see her. I also wondered how my mother reacted to my announcement. My parents' relationship had always seemed strained as I got older, but then one day it suddenly changed. I was living in a house with two enemies. My mother, who I had always steered clear of and my father, who had forgotten I existed after Karen's death. Not that I cared, I didn't want to be on his radar anyway.

When Karen died he went into this really strange mode. All he could see was my mother, no one else existed in his world. When he finally came out of his fog, he started paying attention to me. I ignored all overtures from him afraid that I would meet the same fate as Karen. When he realized I wanted no parts of him, he stopped altogether. Then one day he actually started showing his disdain for me.

Right before he changed on me, I thought they were headed towards a divorce. There would be days when they were arguing nonstop and then the next day, they would make up. They would be in their bedroom all day. It was like they couldn't get enough of each other. It was on those days that I was scared the most. My father would come out of their bedroom and just stare at me. It was like he would be undressing me with his eyes. My mother would eventually call him back into the room and I would feel safe again because she had his attention.

Looking at them today, Mother was like a new woman and I wondered at her transformation. I've never felt that way about a guy. I couldn't imagine looking like a stray cat one day and looking like a professional woman the next, all for the sake of a man who I probably hadn't seen in a long time. My mother wouldn't admit that my dad hadn't been around for awhile. I didn't understand how she could just welcome him back like it was another day and he had just returned from a run. I just didn't get her or him. I so missed the days that Karen used to tell me about when I was younger.

Karen said that before I was born, they were very happy together. But by the time I was three, something had changed and she didn't know what it was but Mother and father had gotten into a fight and things hadn't been the same since. I wonder if that's when she learned about Vanessa. It would explain the difference in their relationship but why did it change the way she treated Karen and me. One minute she was teaching us dances and having fun, the next she couldn't stand the sight of us and we couldn't do anything right.

"Hey, what are you waiting on an invitation?" asked Chris.

I was so deep in thought I hadn't realized we had made it home. Chris was already out of the car and gathering her things. I grabbed my stuff and headed to our apartment. I went to my room to grab the Kinko's bag that Vanessa had given me and Chris called Vanessa's boss. He said that a Mr. Wilcox would make it to our apartment in about ten minutes to examine the papers. With a little time to spare we sat down and started channel surfing. Before long there was a knock at our door.

"I'll get it," I said hopping up from my perch on the love seat. When I opened the door, Mr. Wilcox just stared at me for a moment.

"I know, its' uncanny how much Vanessa and I look alike," I said to his unspoken pronouncement. "Come on in, the bag is here," I said handing him the Kinko's bag.

He examined the Kinko's bag. "I can't imagine why Vanessa would make copies at Kinko's. We have plenty of copiers in our building, there was no need to have the job done at an outside source," he said following me into the kitchen.

I offered him a drink, but he declined and asked if he could have about ten minutes, it wouldn't take him long to determine if the papers came from their office. I excused myself and went back to the living room where Chris was still channel surfing.

"So, what's the verdict?"

"He hasn't said yet, he asked for about ten minutes to check out the documents," I replied.

Mr. Wilcox walked into our living room about twenty minutes later. "Have either of you ladies looked at the documents in this bag?" he inquired.

We had gotten comfortable and forgotten he was in the kitchen. "No, we didn't. Why?" I replied a little startled at his voice.

"Well, they have nothing to do with any client we have, in fact they appear to be a set of journals that Vanessa copied. I think she just wanted you to hold on to them but then again her intent might be different from my thoughts." He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I'm not sure if she wanted you to read something so personal but she gave them to you for a reason. Vanessa is the type of person that is aware of everything she does and the ramifications of those actions. Vanessa knew what she was doing when she gave these to you," he calmly stated.

"What do you mean something so personal?" I asked.

"Well, they appear to be her mother's journals. I noticed her name on the inside cover of each booklet. It didn't take me long to realize that it didn't have anything to do with the firm. Since Vanessa gave you these, she may want you to read them or keep them from her mother," he said handing me the package. "Although I will admit, there seems to be some titillating information in her mother's journals. If you two are trying to learn if you're related, you just might find some answers in those journals. I'll let you get to reading or not reading, it's your choice. But there appears to be a span of about 20 to 25 years in those journals. I hope you decide to check them out, maybe you'll find what you're looking for in them," he said before taking his leave.

I locked the door behind him and returned to the living room where Chris was thumbing through one of the journals. "What are you doing?"

"Deciding if I feel like doing some light reading," she replied.

"We are not going to read her mother's journals," I said adamantly.

"Why not? Vanessa probably wants you to read them. She could have easily told the nurse to give them to her mother, instead she gives specific instructions that you are to receive them," said Chris.

"She probably didn't want her mother to know she had copied something so personal," I replied.

"Don't you remember what she said yesterday? She wasn't able to contact her mother when she left the party. She probably hadn't talked to her mother. If she had, she wouldn't need to snoop through something so personal. I think you should read them."

"I think I should mind my own business. I don't want to know Vanessa's mother like that. Journals are like diaries, they're private. I wouldn't want any one reading mine," I said picking up the bag and sticking out my hand for the journal she was holding.

"You've got to be curious. She could have written about when she met your father. This journal goes up until 2001. The other one probably continues on from that point. Vanessa is older than you, you didn't get any answers from your mother, you know you won't get any from your father. Reading these journals might be the only way you learn anything about this situation," said Chris reluctantly handing me the journal.

"Okay, you might be right. But this journal might not have anything about my father. It might be old family stuff in there or just her writing down her thoughts," I said.

"Do you really think Vanessa would have just copied two journals full of old thoughts? She's a lawyer, they're trained to search for the truth. She's giving you the opportunity to learn something, so you better take advantage of it. She might have had a weak moment thinking she was going to die and felt that if she did, at least you might learn the truth. The minute she comes out of that coma, all bets are off, she'll be demanding her mother's journals back," said Chris ending her argument. "At least think about reading them, or if you won't, please allow me to read a little and see if there is any value in reading them."

I had to admit, Chris had made some valid points but it just seemed wrong for me to read the journals. So I gave Chris back the one she had been thumbing through and gave her some stipulations to reading them. "Okay, you've convinced me, you can read them, but only if you promise to a. omit any intimate details, b. only tell me if you learn something about Vanessa and my parentage, and c. don't let it slip that you've read them when Vanessa asks for them back. I'm only giving you the first one, we'll see if there is any need to read the second one once you've determined the first one's value."

"You've got a deal," said Chris excitedly grabbing the journal.

I grabbed the Kinko's bag with the other journal in it and headed to my room. Although I had given Chris permission to read the journal, I did not feel comfortable being in the room when she read it. It was like being an accomplice to the commission of a crime. And I couldn't help but feel that this was a crime. There is no way on this earth I would ever allow anyone to read my journals. My thoughts, ideas, hopes, dreams and despair were too private for anyone to read but me. I reveal way too much in my journals and I wondered if Veronica Bell was the same. I couldn't help but wonder at the fact that we both kept journals.

Chapter 9

I took a nap while Chris poured through the first journal of Veronica's. I had just hit my second rem cycle when I was shaken awake by her.

"What Chris?" I asked in a surly manner.

"I need to read the other journal," she said.

"What happened to make you want to read the other journal?" I inquired while trying to shake myself awake.

"I really don't want to go into it now, but trust me, when I have it all figured out, I'll be better able to explain it," she replied.

"If I tell you where it's at, can I go back to sleep?" I asked groggily.

"Yes, I promise not to wake you until I have the whole story," Chris replied.

"It's on the top shelf in the back of my closet behind that big blue comforter," I said rolling over and snuggling more deeply under the covers.

Chris went to the closet and retrieved the Kinko's bag from its hiding place. She returned to the living room and I retreated back into my unconscious state of sleep.

*****

"Karen and Pam, I'm waiting on you, come on, hurry up," called mother from downstairs.

"We're coming." called Karen pulling me behind her. We ran downstairs to see what she wanted. She was standing in the middle of the living room with pretty scarves wrapped around her body.

"Girls, today I'm going to teach you a new dance," said mother all smiles.

"Is it like the belly dance you taught us a long time ago?" I asked, excited at the prospect of learning another dance. My mother was a very good dancer.

"No, this one is the dance of a 1000 veils. I made these for you and Karen. Take off your clothes, so you can put these on," said mother excitedly holding up the skirt and top made out of scarves.

Karen and I quickly complied with her wishes. Once we were down to our underwear Karen stopped, so did I.

"Girls, you have to take all your clothes off in order to wear the veils," said mother.

I looked at Karen for confirmation. We both remembered the last time daddy came home and we didn't have any clothes on.

"Daddy doesn't like for us to walk around the house without our clothes on," said Karen quietly.

"You're going to have clothes on, you can't learn the dance of a thousand veils without wearing the veils," said mother calmly. "But if you don't want to learn the dance, I understand," said mother.

I looked at Karen with pleading in my eyes. "Karen, the last dance we learned was so much fun. Come on, please can we do it?" I pleaded.

Karen's reply was to remove her underwear and grab one of the veils. Mother showed us how to tie the veils around our backs. We both had two, one for our bottom and one for our top. The veils felt nice against my skin. We looked very pretty wearing them.

Mother turned the music on and began to move slowly, swaying her hips from side to side. Karen and I mimicked her movements. Once we got into the rhythm, mother added the arm movements. We swayed our arms from side to side. We were mesmerized by the dance and mother's graceful movements. Every move she made, we tried to copy. Mother slowly began to pull the scarves from her belts, one from the top, and one from the bottom. She would twirl them around before gracefully laying them on the floor. Karen and I followed suit. Pretty soon we were down to about six scarves, we were nearly naked. Neither one of us thought about what would happen when all the scarves were gone, we were having too much fun.

Thump, thump, thump!

The pounding on my door finally woke me up from my deep sleep. I fought my way from beneath the covers to be greeted by Chris.

"You've slept long enough, its' time to return to the real world, and what a world it is," she said tapping the door one more time for good measure.

"I'm getting up, you don't have to beat the door into a bloody pulp," I said sourly, remnants of the dream haunting me.

"Well, you weren't responding to my gentle prodding, so I had to take drastic measures."

I climbed out of bed and noticed the smells emanating throughout my room. "Is that pasta I smell cooking?"

"Yeah, I was boiling pasta about thirty minutes ago. I just made some pasta salad. Let's go, you should be starving by now."

"How long did I sleep?"

"It's after nine," said Chris walking out of the room.

I grudgingly followed behind Chris unwilling to give up my semi-conscious state of oblivion. The one in which I didn't have to deal with the sordid details of a sister I had never met until recently and family secrets long forgotten. It dawned on me, after feeling sorry for myself for several seconds, what time Chris had just mentioned.

"Oh my God! I don't know how I'll get to sleep tonight since I've been sleeping all day. It's a good thing we have an evening event tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's why I didn't bother waking you before now. Come on let's eat. By the time I finish telling you the details of this situation with your father and Veronica, you'll either want some Tylenol or just to lie down so that it can all soak in."

"So, I take it you finished the journals," I asked standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Yeah, and its' a doozy. I almost didn't believe it but in a twisted way it makes some sense," said Chris taking out plates and forks for the pasta salad.

I wasn't sure my brain would be able to process what Chris had to tell me on an empty stomach so I asked her to wait until after we had eaten to give me the details. I sat at the breakfast bar while she set up two plates with turkey club sandwiches, pasta salad and sour cream and chives potato chips on each. She grabbed two bottles of water from the refrigerator and handed me one before joining me at the breakfast bar.

There wasn't very much conversation during our meal and I preferred it that way. I was trying to get my mind ready for what Chris was going to tell me, but I already knew the main answer to my question. Vanessa was my sister, all that was left to learn was why my father stayed with my mother when he had another family? And why would Veronica be so content to be the other woman all this time?

Once we were done eating, we worked in tandem to clean the kitchen. With our apartment back in order, Chris led me into the living room where I could see Veronica's journals sitting open on the coffee table. Several pink post-it notes peeked out from different pages in each journal. I sat down on the love seat and Chris took up her original position on the couch across from me.

"You might want to get comfortable, this story is going to take a while."

"What's with all the post-it notes?" I asked making myself more comfortable on the loveseat per her instructions.

"I placed them throughout the book in the beginning because I thought Veronica had made everything up. I wanted to check with you on the dates to prove my theory that she was a very sick and crazy woman, even if she did sound sane. Then there's the fact that she used initials throughout her journals and I was trying to keep the characters straight in my head. But the more I read the better I understood what happened."

"Okay, I really can't take the suspense any longer, Vanessa Bell is my sister, right," I belted out to Chris.

She looked at me and said, "You won't believe me if I tell you the truth or if I lie to you. Can you please just let me tell you the story?" she asked.

I gave Chris a stony look, not appreciating the cryptic reply she had given to what I considered a simple question. Her determination didn't waver, so I finally gave in. "Okay, go ahead," I said reluctantly.

"This whole convoluted situation began more than twenty-five years ago. According to her journals, Veronica had just graduated from college and received a substantial inheritance. She was two months away from going to Africa with the Peace Corps when she met a young man. In the beginning she never provided his name, she only referred to him as "C". This is Veronica's story," said Chris picking up the first journal. "I'm going to be summarizing a lot of information so bear with me."

Veronica's Story

Veronica was estranged from her family by her choice. She talked briefly about not living up to their expectations of what kind of person she should be but she isn't very specific. She is content with being away from her family and looking forward to her new life without them in it. Whatever they expected of her, it most definitely didn't involve joining the Peace Corps and helping others.

The beginning of her journal talks about her getting ready to go to Africa and receiving her inheritance. She then speaks of meeting a young man while taking a stroll on the lakefront in Chicago, IL. She is captivated by the scene before her and snaps a whole roll of film before she realizes it. The young man catches her and asks if he could have copies of the photos. They exchange numbers so that she can contact him when the photos have been developed.

The meeting with "C" strikes a chord within Veronica and she daydreams about him for several days. It took her awhile to finish developing the film because she was so distracted with her daydreams of "C". Once she had developed the film, she was nervous about calling him. It took her best friend "J" to convince her to call him. When she called him, they decided to meet the following day at a little coffee shop in Hyde Park. He cancelled the meeting because his grandmother had fallen ill. Unfortunately, Veronica was already at the coffee shop by the time he called to cancel. She enjoyed her coffee and ended up meeting a rather handsome young man named "T".

There was something familiar about "T", but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. They sat and talked at the coffee shop. She enjoyed his conversation but her mind was still on "C" and she was a little disappointed that he had to cancel. She really didn't want to spend the evening alone and agreed to have dinner with "T" later that evening.

She met him at the restaurant and the dinner went well but her mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of "C". "T" noticed her inattentiveness and inquired at her distracted state. She just said she had a lot on her mind. He asked her to go dancing with him on Thursday evening and she agreed. The date ended soon after and he took her home.

The following day "C" called and apologized profusely for not being able to make it the day before. He asked if they could meet somewhere close to his Grandmother's home, he had someone to watch her for a couple of hours while he ran errands. Veronica readily agreed to meet him at the coffee shop close to his grandmother's home. When she arrived at the coffee shop "C" was waiting for her.

As she walked towards the table her heart was doing a slow sexy tango in her chest. He stood when she arrived at the table and pulled out her chair for her to sit down. She made herself comfortable and he called for a waitress to take their order. They made small talk for about three minutes.

Veronica was extremely nervous. She had trouble keeping eye contact and following their conversation in the beginning. No man had ever affected her the way he did. "C" appeared to be having problems with his speech as well.

Veronica decided to break the ice by talking about something she was comfortable talking about, pictures. She pulled out the pictures and set them before "C" on the table. "Here are the photos I took of you and your grandmother."

"C" took the pictures and went through them one at a time. "They're great. You have a really good eye. My grandmother will love them," he said.

The ice was broken from that point on and their conversation flowed with ease. She learned that his grandfather had passed away five months before and his grandparents would go on a picnic every year for their anniversary. He was carrying on the tradition that his grandfather had set forth more than 52 years ago. He spoke of his brother and how they hadn't spoken since their grandfather's death. She noticed a sadness within him when he spoke of his brother and that sadness really touched her heart.

They were so engrossed in their conversation that he lost track of time. Their lively conversation was interrupted by the beeping of his pager. He looked down at his pager and noticed the number then he glanced at his watch.

"Excuse me for a moment," he requested as he walked to the pay phones at the back of the coffee shop. He returned several moments later. "I'm sorry Veronica, I've completely lost track of the time. I need to get back to my grandmother," said "C".

"Oh, it's okay, I'm sorry for holding you up," replied Veronica.

"It's no problem. But I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me on Thursday evening," he asked.

Veronica said yes without a pause. She had completely forgotten about her date with "T". She said her goodbyes to "C" and floated home on a cloud of happiness.

The following day Veronica was talking to her friend "J" about her date with "C", when "J" reminded her that she had made a date with "T" for Thursday night as well. Veronica called "T" and cancelled her date for that Thursday. He wanted to reschedule their date but Veronica told him she didn't see the point, she did have a good time on their dinner date but she would be going to Africa soon for a couple of years and saw no need to get involved with him at this point. "T" tried a little harder to get her to reschedule but she firmly declined his offer before hanging up the phone.

The weeks coming up to her departure to Africa were spent with "C". For once in her life she considered flaking on her commitment. She wanted to spend more time with him but time was running out. She didn't want to withdraw from the Peace Corps because she wasn't sure how he felt about her. She had learned that "C" was the one who had to pull out and she had taken his place. His grandmother hadn't been doing well and he hadn't wanted to leave her. This announcement had made Veronica care even more for him than she had previously. She didn't know how she'd ever get on the plane to leave him.

Three weeks before her departure "C's" grandmother was doing much better. She had fought off the unknown illness and was on the mend. She encouraged him to spend as much time with Veronica as he could. As a result of his grandmother's suggestion, the week coming up to her departure, they were inseparable.

One night while they were walking along the lake front, "C" asked her about the details of her trip. She had told him on several occasions about the mission but he always seemed so interested in hearing anything she said so she told him again.

"I want to go with you, if you don't mind?" he stated.

"What about your grandmother?" she asked.

"To quote my grandmother, "I have lived my life without your assistance for the last sixty-eight years, I raised you and your brother. I am quite capable of taking care of myself. You need to live your life, I'm going to be okay," he said in a squeaky old lady voice. "So, would you allow me to join you on the trip?"

"I would love nothing better, but you do realize we will be gone for five years," I reminded him.

"Yes and my grandmother said she'll be waiting on me when I return," he replied.

"But, will you be able to join our group?" she asked.

"I've already contacted the group leader. Since I was already cleared to go, the only thing I have to do is purchase my own ticket to get there, everything else the Corps can handle. So, I'm all set you go with you," he replied.

The years in Africa were an eye opening experience for Veronica who had come from money. "C" seemed to have understood the world more and wasn't surprised by what they found in Africa. They worked with tribes to educate the children and to help the tribes with their everyday lives.

They were married a year and a half after being in Africa. Things were going well for them. They had learned the language and were working tirelessly with the tribes. In their fourth year of being in Africa, Veronica learned that she was pregnant. "C" was overjoyed with the prospect of becoming a father. He and some of the men from the tribe went on a hunting trip as part of a celebration ritual for expectant fathers. The hunting party never returned. A pack of wild tigers attacked the group and killed all of the men. The only survivor was a young boy they had gotten to safety before the attack began.

Veronica was devastated by the news. She was two and a half months pregnant and a widow. The members of the Peace Corps team helped her get through the funeral and two months later she was stateside again. Instead of returning to Chicago, she decided to move to Atlanta where her and "C" had planned on making their home once they had returned. She made several other changes in her life at that time. Since Linda had been trying to contact her in Africa, Veronica decided to change her name upon returning to the U.S. If being a continent away wouldn't dissuade Linda, she needed some way to become untraceable, changing her name, served that purpose.

Veronica was in a new city, five months pregnant and alone. She decided to join a support group for the bereaved. There she met a woman named "Jo" who had lost her son and husband to a boating accident. "Jo" had been home with their newborn when the accident occurred. They helped each other through the rough times and "Jo" became her Lamaze coach during her pregnancy.

The rest of the first journal just talks about Vanessa's first steps and memories that they made together when Vanessa was growing up," said Chris.

"Why do you insist on saying "C" when Charles would be the "C" in this situation? But what I don't get is why she talks about being in Africa when my father was here getting his trucking business off the ground. I know he was on the road a lot but I doubt he was jet setting back and forth to Africa trying to lead a double life," I said.

"Now do you see why I thought she was crazy or just making it up? Karen was three years older than you and I don't believe your mother would have let him out of her sight. He isn't Houdini, he couldn't juggle two relationships on two different continents," said Chris.

"So, she is crazy," I said. "or she made up the journal's to help keep her lies straight with Vanessa."

"No, she's not and no she didn't. At first I thought she was but she was too detailed on the events that happened in Africa and her feelings for "C". I've just given you a brief synopsis, if you read the journals you'd know what I mean. But anyway, that's why I needed to read the second journal."

"So what did you learn from the second journal, that you didn't learn from the first?"

"A whole lot more than I expected. I actually felt bad towards the end."

"So, get on with it. I'm tired of trying to decipher Veronica's motives."

Veronica's story continued-

The second journal picks up when Vanessa is four years old. Veronica has found a career which allows her to work from home. She's settled into her new life and things are going well for her and Vanessa. One day while she is out shopping at the local market she runs into "T". She remembered dating him briefly when she had met "C". They strike up a conversation and decide to have dinner the following weekend.

They go on several dates but there is no spark for Veronica. He reminds her of the time when she first met "C" and she can't get past that notion. She tells her best friend "Jo" her concerns.

"Jo" suggested she sleep with "T" to determine if there was at least a spark in the bedroom but Veronica just couldn't take it that far, there was nothing there. Besides, there was still something about "T" that seemed familiar. It was like she knew him but she couldn't remember from where. She was annoyed that she couldn't pinpoint what it was about him that was nagging her. Of course, she never allowed him to stay around long enough to figure out what was eluding her, where he was concerned.

"Jo" told her she would have to eventually move on, she couldn't keep living in the past.

Veronica knew this as well but no one had come along that made her feel anything close to what she had felt with "C". After a week of contemplation and two more dates that were painful in Veronica's estimation, she decided to break it off with "T".

He didn't take it so well. He tried to change her mind and even suggested that they could just be friends but something about his persistence bothered her. He had been just as persistent the first time she had dated him. The entire situation with "T" left her feeling uncomfortable so she decided to sever all ties with him and get a clean break.

A couple of weeks later she was at the bookstore not far from her home when a ghost walked past her. She almost forgot about Vanessa sitting in the children's section looking at books, she was so distracted by the vision that had passed by her. She shook herself out of her stupor thinking it was just her psyche playing tricks on her. She had dreamed about "C" the previous night and had awaken with renewed pain at his loss. She went back to the children's section, gathered Vanessa and the books she had chosen to read for the week. They headed for the checkout counter in the front of the store.

As she was standing in line waiting to be served, Vanessa was grabbed from behind and thrown in the air. Veronica's heart stopped beating as she turned to see where Vanessa had gone. There stood "C", as fresh and vibrant as the day he had gone hunting to celebrate Vanessa's impending birth.

"Hey, sweetheart, whoa, look how big you've gotten. It's like you grew up overnight. Where is your sister?" he inquired.

"Mommie, mommie," cried Vanessa, wondering at the man tossing her up in the air.

Veronica couldn't move, all life seemed to have been sucked out of her. How could "C" be standing here before her, just as calm as if she had only seen him this morning. "Put my daughter down," she said when she finally found her breath.

He lowered Vanessa to the ground and looked at Veronica. "Don't take that tone with me. I haven't seen my baby in three days. And where is Karen?"

Veronica gathered Vanessa to her, still not responding to "C's" inquiry.

"Linda, I know you hear me talking to you," he said in a stern voice.

Veronica finally came out of her stupor with "C's" last remark. A feeling of cold dread crept down her spine. She looked at him more closely, scrutinizing the features of his face and found the subtle differences that had not been there when she first looked upon this man that reminded her so much of "C".

"Ma'am, can you please step forward or step to the side," said the cashier addressing Veronica.

Charles, yes that was his name. He took the books out of her hands and placed them on the counter. "I'll pay for these," he said pulling out his wallet.

Veronica spotted a family portrait that slipped out of his wallet when he opened it. In the picture was Charles, Linda, a little girl of about seven who probably was Karen and a little girl who looked remarkably like Vanessa. Vanessa and the little girl in the picture could have been twins. The only difference was probably their age. Vanessa was a little older than the girl in the picture. The entire scene made sense now. And with that realization came a sense of dread.

Veronica had left her family behind in Chicago, but it appeared that her twin sister had moved to the same city she had decided to settle in. Yes, Linda is her twin sister. Charles, "C's" twin brother had married her twin sister. It never seems to end she thought.

Veronica hadn't returned to Chicago for a reason. She hoped never to see her twin sister again. Chance had only mentioned his twin brother once and the fact that he was estranged from the family. Why she never knew. What were the odds that one set of twins would meet and marry another set of twins without each other's knowledge. Not likely in her estimation.

Veronica realized at that moment that there was a lot that her and Chance hadn't talked about in their marriage. Family was one of those things. She had left hers behind and so had he, although he kept up with his grandmother. She had died while they were in Africa and he had flown home alone to her funeral. Charles, his brother wasn't in attendance at the funeral, which solidified their resolve to live their life on their own terms.

They had decided early on to leave their family issues in the past and to start fresh and new, just the two of them. Their life in Africa had been defined by them, not by society or the dictates of family. It was a life she had lived willingly. She had brought that resolve back to the states. She would live her life for herself and for Vanessa, no one would dictate or mandate what she should or shouldn't do. Veronica could see her carefully constructed world come falling down around her. She didn't want her sister to learn that she was in Atlanta but Chance's brother would tell her about their meeting at the store today. She had to convince him not to mention their meeting to Linda.

"Linda, come on. This lady has been patiently waiting on you to come out of your stupor. She has other guests waiting to check out," said Charles impatiently.

Veronica silently followed him out of the store with Vanessa hovering at her side. She told Charles they needed to get something to eat. Together they walked over to the food court and ordered hamburgers, fries and drinks before settling down at a table. Once they were settled in, Vanessa asked if she could listen to her headphones. Veronica readily agreed and set them up for Vanessa. With Vanessa listening to Disney Radio, she turned her attention to the problem at hand.

"Charles, I need to explain something to you and I just need you to be patient and listen without interruption."

"Okay, get to it. We need to get back home. I'm assuming you left Karen with our neighbor since she wasn't feeling well. You know how she get's when she's ill," he replied.

"Not really. Charles listen and for the love of God, please don't interrupt, just let me explain," said Veronica searching through her purse. She pulled out her wallet and placed two items on the table. Her driver's license and her wedding photo. My name isn't Linda, it's Veronica," she said tapping her driver's license to draw his attention to the two items displayed before him. "I am your wife's twin sister. My daughter's name is Vanessa. This is a picture of me and your twin Chance. We were married in Africa several years ago."

Charles picked up the photo of Chance and Veronica and examined it closely. It took him several moments to process the information.

"Vanessa is your niece, not your daughter. It's actually amazing that they look like identical twins. But considering their backgrounds, maybe it's not so amazing."

Charles began to study Veronica more closely and saw the subtle details that would set her apart from his wife Linda. There appeared to be a softness in her eyes, that Linda had lost in recent years. "Why has my wife never mentioned you?" he inquired.

"My family and I never saw eye to eye as I was growing up? Linda and I always had a contentious relationship. I severed all ties to my family once I entered college and haven't spoken to any of them since. I didn't even attend their funeral," said Veronica.

"You cut your family off like Chance cut me off. He wanted no parts of me after I failed him," said Charles somberly. "Is he here in Atlanta?"

Veronica took Charles' hands before saying, "Charles, Chance was killed in Africa before Vanessa was born."

"Chance was killed," said Charles on the verge of breaking down.

"I'm sorry, I had no way of contacting you since your grandmother passed. I didn't know how to reach you," said Veronica softly.

Charles tried to pull himself together. He remembered when his grandmother had passed. He hadn't made it to the funeral having gotten the message too late from Linda. Now all hope of reconciling with his brother was lost. He looked over at Vanessa looking so much like Pam and he knew he wanted to be in her life. She was the only thing he had left of his brother. He addressed Veronica's last statement about her family, "you said you cut your family off. Why would you sever ties with everyone in your family?" asked Charles.

"Look, it's a long drawn out tale and I'd rather not go into it now. I know Linda is your wife but I would prefer it, if you wouldn't mention that I live in Atlanta now. Vanessa really likes her school and I would hate to have to relocate her now," said Veronica.

"You can't leave. What about Vanessa getting to know her family?"

"The only family Vanessa has is me."

"I'm her family as well. She has an uncle, an aunt and two cousins, we'd like to be apart of her life," he said.

"My sister will never be a part of Vanessa's life," said Veronica coldly.

"What about me? Can't I be a part of her life. She's my brother's only child. The only link I have to my family."

"It's not possible without my sister finding out and I can't let that happen."

"Were the problems with your family really that bad?" he asked.

"Yes and no, I couldn't be what they wanted me to be and they couldn't accept me for who I was," said Veronica. "They just didn't see as clearly as I did."

He looked at me with pleading in his eyes, "Veronica, if you allow me to be a part of Vanessa's life, I promise you Linda will never find out. I'm on the road a lot. I could make time to spend with Vanessa between my road trips. I just want to be a part of her life. I never got the opportunity to make things right with my brother and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Please allow me to be in Vanessa's life," pleaded Charles.

Veronica sat and contemplated the situation for several moments. There was a lot to consider and a lot to be watchful of where Charles was concerned. She looked at Charles closely. He reminded her so much of Chance at that moment, she couldn't say no to him. She didn't know how it would work, but she'd give it a try. She'd watch and wait and eventually learn what kind of man he was. "Okay, I'll allow it for now on a trial basis but if Linda finds out. We're gone," said Veronica all the while hoping she was making the right decision.

"Give me your number, I'll put it in my cell phone under Chances name. I still have his number in my phone. I tried several times to call him but I couldn't get up the nerve. I really miss him," said Charles on a whisper.

"So do I," said Veronica. She gave Charles her number and then took Vanessa off to her play date. She didn't know if she had made the right decision, but she couldn't deny him his request. She prayed that the decision she had made that day wouldn't come back to haunt her.

****
Chapter 10

Chris closed the journal and set it beside her. She looked over at me with a questioning look in her eyes.

"So Vanessa really isn't my sister. I was positive that she was, I just knew my father had another woman on the side. This has got to be the weirdest case of twin occurrences on earth. I always wondered where my mother's crazy jealousy streak came from. I never knew a woman who was jealous of the relationship a father has with his daughters. My mother must have found out about Veronica. I can't imagine her just idly sitting by and allowing him to have an affair for all these years."

"But they weren't having an affair. They've never been involved like that. The second journal goes up until you graduated from high school and left your parents home. I've read it, but I think you should read it. I want to see if you get the same feeling I got."

"What feeling was that?" I asked.

"I don't want to cloud your judgment, so I'm not going to say. Just take the time to read the journal. You read a lot faster than I do, so it shouldn't take you as long," said Chris handing me the journal and leaving me alone in the room.

I wondered what else was there to learn about my father and Veronica. I couldn't see anything else that would make this whole story make sense or change my feelings about it. I glanced at my watch to check the time, it was well past eleven in the evening. I looked at the journal. There was a post-it note sticking out that said "start reading here!" It appeared to be midway through the journal. I sat in the same spot for about ten minutes contemplating what else might be revealed by reading the journal. My mind finally gave me a swift kick in the head. All this contemplating wasn't necessary, the answers were right in front of me. I slowly picked up the book and flipped to the page indicated.

Veronica's Journal

March 18, 2005

Vanessa turned twelve today. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. I look at her and Charles celebrating this birthday and its' like Chance is here with us. I've often wondered if I should have told Vanessa that her father was a twin. I only had our wedding photo as a reminder of our life together but I couldn't bring myself to share it with her. I've always made sure she felt loved and I didn't want her to feel the void that I felt at his loss. At least the idea of Charles being her Godfather helps fill any absence she might have in not having a father.

It's funny how opinions of people can change. I used to be nervous about allowing Charles around Vanessa when she was younger. You never know what type of man, some men are until you've truly gotten to know them. And considering who he was married to, I wasn't sure if it would be safe. Now I would trust him with her life. I'm glad I made the decision to allow him to be a part of her life. It's something I no longer have to regret. But I get the sense that Charles has regrets.

I'm concerned about him, there is something wrong in his household. We've never discussed his marriage to my sister but as time has passed I see the changes in him. He looks at Vanessa with such love and admiration but he never talks about Pam, his youngest daughter, the one that looks exactly like Vanessa. He's talked about Karen a little but something is still bothering him about her death. I can't imagine losing a child at such a young age, and for her to kill herself. It would only make a parent wonder what they were doing wrong.

Charles is here with Vanessa today, when he should be with Pam. They have the same birth date, but they are a year part, my Vanny is older. He said that Pam had decided to have a sleepover, just girls, he wasn't invited. So he told them he would take the route Johnny had been trying to get off from. He'll return home tomorrow, but I can see that her not wanting him to be there pains him. Since when does a pajama party exclude the parents? He bought her the prettiest green dress that would complement her eyes. I'm hoping he will take a picture of her in the dress. I want to ask him what is going on, but it isn't my place to get in the affairs of married couples. Since I've never opened up to him about our family's past and especially my relationship with Linda, I didn't feel that I had the right to ask anything of him.

March 31, 2005

Charles called me today. He was pretty upset about something, I could tell in his demeanor over the phone but he wouldn't say anything about it. He wants to talk to me but he doesn't know how to tell me what he needs to say. I suggested he write it down. It's what I do when I can't seem to get the words to come out right. He's supposed to stop by tomorrow. I hope he does, Vanessa misses her uncle.

April 12, 2005

We haven't seen Charles since Vanessa's birthday. He hasn't been able to make any time to see her. I was afraid that Linda had found out I was here but I learned that wasn't the case. When he called today he was extremely upset. I was barely able to understand what he was saying over the phone. He's a mess and I can understand why. He came home early from a route and watched as Pam came tumbling down the stairs. She broke her arm and leg. It could have been much worse. If he hadn't been home at the time of the accident she might have tumbled right through the glass door at the bottom of the stairs. He's been at the hospital all morning but he's concerned. For some reason he doesn't believe it was an accident. He thought he saw a shadow at the top of the stairs behind Pam before she started falling.

When he said that, I flashed back to a similar accident with my friend Tracey. She wasn't so lucky. She died when her head hit the last step. Linda was at the top of the stairs right before the accident. They had been arguing about a Barbie Doll that belonged to Tracey. Linda and I had received matching Barbie dolls for Christmas. Tracey had also received a Barbie doll. Tracey and I traded dolls because we liked each other's doll better.

I wanted to exchange dolls because I wanted something different from Linda. Everything we received was identical. A couple of weeks after Tracey's death I found my original doll on my bed and the doll Tracey had given me was missing.

Linda didn't like it when we didn't have everything just alike. I couldn't help but wonder what might have set Linda off. I also wondered if she was responsible for Pam's recent tumble down the stairs.

April 19, 2005

It's the second anniversary of Karen's death. Charles called and asked to stop by while Vanessa was at school. I allowed him to come over because of the pain I could feel in his voice. He was in so much pain when he came over that he cried for the first half hour non-stop. I'm not very comfortable with a man's tears, but it appeared that he just needed to release the pent up emotions that had been trapped inside.

Once the tears subsided, he did something he had never done since we had met in the book store oh so many years ago. He opened up to me about his family. He had tried on other occasions to talk to me but I would always stop him, not wanting to hear anything about my sister but I allowed him to express himself on this day.

Charles told me how his relationship with Karen had changed after he missed one Christmas with them when she was eleven. She never seemed to look at him the same way. She stopped greeting him at the door and looking forward to his homecoming. He felt that his constantly being away had drove her from him.

He hoped that things would be different with Pam, but since Karen's death, Pam can't seem to stand to be in the same room with him. He thinks she blames him for Karen killing herself. He had tried for the last two years to be more involved with Pam, but he notices that the more he tries the more she pushes him away. I feel guilty because some of the time he has been away he had actually been spending with me and Vanessa. I never thought of the impact his absence would have on his own daughters. How can I help him in making up for the separation he now feels with his own daughter?

August 17, 2005

Charles called today, it seems that Linda thinks he is having an affair. Nothing could be further from the truth, but how does he explain that to her. He is bound by a promise he made to me many years ago and I have held him to that promise. I don't think he is even willing to risk losing contact with his niece by telling the truth. To him there is no alternative. His only child has pushed him away but Vanessa is clamoring for his attention. I know that Linda knowing the truth, will only make things worse for him not better and it will be worse for me. I think it might be time for Vanessa and I to move to a more secure location. If Linda ever learns that I am in Atlanta, I don't want her to have easy access to me or Vanessa. I am not concerned about my physical safety but I am concerned about my mental health. As for Vanessa, I am concerned for both. I won't allow my daughter to fall prey to Linda.

***

I found myself speed reading through some sections looking for instances in the journal where Veronica mentioned my father. Each time I found an entry related to my father, I stopped and read the entry to get a better understanding of my family that I hadn't had in the years I spent living with them.

Veronica's Journal

Dec. 1, 2005,

It took me almost three months to find the perfect spot, but I've finally found a condo that will be perfect for Vanny and I. Charles volunteered to assist me in moving but I declined. I've called movers to help me. Vanny is sad to be moving away from this neighborhood but she loves the new condo because of all the amenities. I'm more relaxed because we will have a doorman and twenty-four security on the premises. Things seemed to have cooled down with Charles and Linda but he is still leery of her and the situation. He's memorized my number and removed it from his cell phone. He tries to call me when he's at work but I suspect that Linda is still suspicious and I've cautioned him about visiting Vanny and I so often. He assures me that Linda isn't aware that I am here and I pray he's right but I'm not so sure.

March 28, 2006

Charles called today, it appears that Linda is showing him her true colors. Linda claims to have proof that he has been having an affair, but she refuses to show him her proof. This situation couldn't have happened at a worst time. Charles' business is having problems and he is at work much more than he has ever been. Linda is threatening to hurt herself and Pam if he doesn't stop seeing his "lover". Linda's behavior has grown more outrageous and Charles is trying everything to hold on to a semblance of the family he has had all these years. But I think he lost it years ago when Karen died.

I'm still clueless to the workings of their relationship. Linda isn't the type of person to be put on the back burner but that's exactly what Charles has done with their relationship. He's never at home. He seems to enjoy being on the road more than being at his own home. It's uncharacteristic for Linda to allow herself to be second to anything. I can't help but wonder who is taking care of her needs while Charles is gone all the time. I'm positive, all is not well in Linda's world and a fear grows in my heart.

April 15, 2006

Charles has decided to leave Linda. He isn't worried that she will follow through on her threats, he thinks they are idle. I, on the other hand know how she operates and I am scared for him and Pam. He hasn't made any headway with building a relationship with her. No matter what he tries, she pushes him away. His only reprieve from his living hell is work. He continues to make runs until his books get back in order. I've asked him to wait until Pam graduates from high school and is away at college. This way he doesn't have to worry about Linda's threats. He's so busy at work that the next three years will fly by and he can truly be free from Linda. He said he would think about it and I hope he seriously does.

May 21, 2006

Charles called me from work today, frantic. He tried to leave Linda and all hell broke loose. Linda told him if he left her, Pam wouldn't live to see her 13th birthday. She told him he would be attending a double funeral, mother and daughter side by side. He didn't believe her until she pulled a gun on him. The look in her eyes confirmed his previous suspicions. Linda isn't playing with a full deck of cards.

I've always known Linda was crazy and now Charles realizes it as well. He asked me why I had cut all ties with my family so long ago. Now that he knew part of the truth about Linda, I was comfortable telling him some of my sad tale. I refused to do it in the beginning, in the hopes that Linda had changed. But since Charles has been in my life and he's seen the other side of Linda, I've come to realize that wolves never change their clothing they just borrow someone else's for a time.

It took me awhile to get through it, but I finally did tell him almost everything that lead up to my severing ties with the only family I had ever known. Some things I still can't bring myself to admit. Like my grandmother before me, I had the overwhelming feeling that no one would believe me. When I think about the life I lived when I was a part of that family, it amazes me that I made it out whole.

After I finished telling him about Linda's obsessive behavior and everything that happened, he wasn't comfortable leaving Pam in the house with Linda. I explained to him that in Linda's mind divorce wasn't an option in our family. She took her vows seriously. Until death do us part is exactly how she believed a marriage should end. He realizes that he will have to wait until Pam graduates, as I suggested before. And there is the ultimate puzzle, how does he get Pam to sever all ties with her mother.

June 2, 2006

Things have settled down with Charles and Linda. He has made her believe he is willing to work out whatever problems they have. He has been spending more time at home to allay suspicion. When he's at work he has been diligently working to get his affairs in order so that once Pam graduates from high school and is out of the house, he can leave Linda once and for all.

He really believes that Pam hates his guts and nothing he has ever done has made her feel closer to him. He hurts so badly sometimes and its' as if there is nothing that can be done to ease the pain. He still hasn't figured out a way to ensure that she doesn't return to the house once she has graduated.

I was a little apprehensive about what he could say that would keep her away from her mother. But I recently learned that she doesn't appear to be affectionate or caring with Linda either. I can't imagine what that child might have gone through being in that house with my sister and no one to protect her. I had hoped Linda had changed but considering all that has happened in recent years, I can see that she has just gotten extremely good at covering her tracks.

I've been trying to think of a way for him to ensure that Pam doesn't return to the house after she graduates and I keep drawing a blank. I asked him about any close friends she might have and he said he wasn't quite sure if she had any friends, no one ever came over when he was home. Since she wasn't very comfortable around him I suggested he contact the school and speak with the counselor. The counselor would know who she hung out with and what her plans were for college. He told me she's as intelligent as Vanessa. She was already in high school and would more than likely get a full scholarship to college. But she wouldn't be eligible for financial aid because of their income. The wheels are turning in my head, there just might be away for him to protect Pam and ensure she never returns to her childhood home.

June 18, 2006

Charles found out all the information he had never known about his daughter from the counselor. Pam's best friend is Chris. They attended the same catholic school together before entering a public high school. They already planned on being roommates upon graduation from high school. Since they are attending two different schools they are getting an apartment. Chris' father is going to get the apartment for the girls. Now all Charles has to do is get in contact with Chris' father and become friends with him. He could set up everything else once they had a friendly relationship and he could explain the situation to him. Then he would have one ally to help him fix the relationship with his daughter and keep her safe.

July 1, 2006

I have finally convinced Charles. I had to explain how Linda's mind works and what he needed to do in order to make her believe that he was all hers. At first he didn't want to do it but I had to remind him of what Linda planned and the alternative to him allowing Pam to remain in the household. Pam has just finished her first year of high school and will be a sophomore the following year. It would take three years to complete the mission but at least in the end Pam would be safe. Charles wondered if it would work and I told him I grew up with Linda and knew her thinking. This would be the quickest and safest way to do what he needed to do. Charles isn't comfortable with cutting all ties with his daughter even though she seems to hate his guts but I tell him it's the best thing for now. He can always make amends later.

****

I closed the journal and slowly placed it on the couch next to me. I sat quietly for several minutes thinking about what I had read. I was about 1/4 of the way from finishing the journal but I had a good idea of how my father decided to get "rid" of me so that mother couldn't hurt me. My problem was in wondering why he would care about me getting hurt when he hadn't cared about Karen's protection. His actions lead to her death.

I thought back to my high school years and my father's sudden show of affection towards my mother. I had avoided him for so long that it actually came as a surprise when I began to feel like a voyeur in the same room with them. I didn't seem to exist when they were together.

By my senior year, I didn't exist in the household and all support had been pulled. I wasn't even being supported in completing high school. I got a job just to pay my bus fare to and from school. Chris went against my wishes and told her parents about my situation and they helped me with all graduation and extracurricular activities associated with my senior year.

At first, I felt guilty about accepting their assistance but they allayed my concerns with a simple hug and the words "We love you like our own daughter." By the time graduation rolled around my father had informed me that I was no longer welcomed in his household. If I planned on attending college, I was on my own. My mother stood by his side, no words of protest touching her lips. Whatever father wanted, she willing accepted no questions asked. She seemed to rejoice in the knowledge that he cared nothing for me. She would finally have him all to herself.

In the space of three years I had gone from not wanting my father and mother to know I existed to wishing my parents had some form of affection for me. With the ultimatum of my living arrangements sitting on my back, I had some serious thinking to do. Chris and I had discussed getting an apartment off campus once we graduated, but I wasn't sure if it was still going to be possible.

We had never been a religious family, I had only attended church with Chris one or two times but I remember thanking God for the full scholarship I had received and for sending Chris and her parents to me. I don't think I would have made it without their support. But now that I had read Veronica's journals, I wondered just how much assistance came from the Townsends and how much actually came from my father.

I also sat there considering Veronica's situation, what had my mother's side of the family done to alienate her to the point that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with them? Of course, I really didn't know Veronica, so should I take her words at face value. Then again, she wasn't aware that I was reading her personal journals and who could have made all this history up.

Chris walked into the room at that moment and just looked at me before saying, "I know you're not finished.

"No, I stopped at the plan Veronica and my father hatched to get me out of the house," I replied.

"So, now you know he was trying to protect you, he put you out to protect you," she said.

"Yeah, but I still don't understand why. Its' not like we had a relationship. I avoided him like the plague after Karen's death. Then all of a sudden the tables were turned and he couldn't stand the sight of me, he could only see mother and she loved that.

I remember when we were little there were times when she was jealous of the attention he gave us. When she was in one of those moods, she would take it out on us when he had to go on the road. She wanted to be the focus of his whole world. But at other times, she didn't mind the attention he gave us. There were times when I longed for the old days before the incident with Karen, the days when we would play hide and seek and all sorts of games. Mother was so kind during that time but father stopped us from playing hide and seek the way mother liked to play it. Slowly but surely things started to change. Mother became a totally different person after awhile and I never understood why. Sometimes, I think about what happened to Karen and I can't help but wonder, why did he go to such lengths to protect me? Why wasn't Karen worthy enough to be protected? Why was she singled out for abuse?" I cried out in pain.

"I don't know," said Chris quietly. "But I've often wondered if you understood what happened to Karen, you were only seven years old."

"I might have been seven, but there was no denying what happened to Karen. I saw the blood stains on her panties that night when she took a bath. There were times when I could still hear her crying. I might not have understood exactly what he did but as I got older and had some sex education classes, the magnitude of what he did to her struck me."

"Did he ever try to touch you?" asked Chris.

"No, but I think I was too young and by the time I was old enough Karen had already committed suicide. He probably didn't want to risk me doing the same thing. The most I got from him were lascivious looks that made my skin crawl."

"It still doesn't make sense, sexual predators don't just stop. He had access to her all the time and could have continuously molested her. But you only remember that he did it one time."

"At first I could only remember the first time because it was so devastating to Karen and I, but today when we were on the way to the mall, I remembered another time when he came and got her. When she returned to the room, she balled up into a little ball and cried all night. There could have been other times that I wasn't aware of and Karen never told me about them. She was always very protective of me."

"So, you're beginning to remember more of your childhood. Have you ever considered that your mother might have something to do with why Karen was chosen and you were spared?"

"I don't know, I don't know," I said softly. I might have slept all day but reading the journals and reliving some of my childhood had physically and mentally drained me. I sat on the couch, not wanting to feel anything.

Chris just stood in the doorway for awhile before saying, "I talked to my father. He confirmed what we read. Your dad has been helping to support you. He's actually been behind all of our summer jobs. My dad also has a bank account with your name and his on it. Your dad puts money into the account every week."

"Why didn't your dad ever tell me?"

"Well, anytime he asked me about you, I would tell him you were fine. I knew you hated your father and wanted nothing to do with him. I have no particular love for your mother. I know how much pain you have been in, where they are concerned. I was hoping you'd stop wishing that things would change and get on with your life. I never realized why he used to ask me all the time if you had talked to your father. I guess he was hoping you would give him a second chance.

When your dad first approached my dad about opening the account, he thought your dad was trying to hide money from your mother, like he was going to get a divorce or something but he soon realized that he was trying to provide for you. He said there were times when he wanted to intervene but he didn't know how. And I didn't help the situation by telling him you wanted nothing to do with your father. My dad took all my sayings to heart and never mentioned him. He knew you had a rough childhood but I never told him about Karen. If he had known, he might have confronted him about it. I know for sure he would never have agreed to set up the account."

"Did he mention how much was in the account when you asked him about it?

"Yeah, he said the account was opened on your 15th birthday and your dad put $1,000 a week in the account until you graduated. Then he started putting $2,000 a week in the account. He said the current balance was a little over $300,000. It would have been more but when you needed something and you thought my parents were assisting you, it was actually your dad. My dad would take the money out of the account and do what you needed to be done."

I sat there with a stunned look on my face. I couldn't believe my father had done this for me.

"I might as well continue to stun you. Since you didn't finish the journal I'll summarize it for you. Your dad is divorcing your mother and planning on getting remarried. He has been dating Veronica's best friend Joanna for the last two years."

"What? He's divorcing my mother and remarrying. I know he was only pretending to care about her to protect me, but why didn't he divorce her as soon as I got out of the house?"

"I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that he and Veronica are like brother and sister. She is going to be his best man when they get married. They've gone on several extended weekends together, your dad and his fiancée Joanna, and Veronica and William, your dad's accountant."

"What else haven't I learned from not finishing the journals?"

"There isn't very much else that is of consequence. You've learned everything you needed from them."

"Oh my God! What if the couple we saw in the store were my dad and Veronica, not my mother!" I said out loud as the thought hit me.

"Yeah, I've thought about that. It wasn't the best way to tell someone their only child is in the hospital. But it also takes me back to the look on your father's face when you talked about Karen. I still believe there is more to that situation than meets the eye."

"I disagree."

"That's because you've been filled with hate for your father for so long that you can't see past it. Did you notice how Veronica describes someone totally opposite from the way you see your father?"

"Yes, I noticed that. I wonder if Vanessa would describe him the same way as her mother."

"The way she was looking at his picture that day, I'd say she would. You might have to adjust the image you have of your father. I suggest you sleep on it, it's nearly two in the morning and I'm tired. I haven't had a nap like you."

"I don't know if I can fall asleep. There are too many thoughts rambling around in my head."

"Well, I don't have that problem. I'm exhausted. I'll talk to you in the morning. But since you insist on contemplating this whole situation, think about forgiving your father."

I was about to protest, but Chris must have realized it and stopped me, "just think about it," she said before walking out of the room.

"I'm not sure how long I sat on the couch before finally falling to sleep, but a restless sleep did finally catch up to me.

Chapter 11

Charles & Veronica

"My God Charles, even after all this time we can't tell them apart," said Veronica still a little shaken up at the attack from Pam.

"Veronica did you hear what she said about Vanessa?"

"No, I was too dumbfounded by the unexpected attack. She must have thought I was her mother, just like I thought she was Vanessa. Why? What did she say about Vanessa?"

"She said Vanessa was in County Hospital, room 216. We need to get to the hospital."

"Did she say what happened to Vanessa?"

"No, she just said she was in the hospital."

"We need to find William and Joanna. We can't just leave without letting them know what's going on," said Veronica.

They placed their books on the shelf and headed for Victoria Secrets where Joanna was shopping. Charles called William as they were en route to get Joanna. William said he would get the car and meet them in front of Wilson's, where they had entered the mall. After picking up Joanna, the foursome headed to County Hospital to check on Vanessa.

"Veronica, Pam thinks I hurt Karen. How could Pam think I would do something to hurt them? What did Linda tell her?"

"I don't know Charles but the time for being silent is over. I never realized just how much she hated you until today. When you used to talk about her staying away from you and how it made you feel, I thought you were exaggerating but now I can truly see that she really hates you. You need to sit down with Pam and tell her everything. Perhaps if you two talked you could get to the bottom of her hatred for you."

"Veronica she hasn't spoken to me in four years. I doubt she'll listen to anything I have to say. I couldn't even get Mr. Townsend to give me their address."

"I know Charles but you've still got to try," said Veronica.

"She's right Charles, Pam is the only child you have left, you have to make things right with her," said Joanna.

Everyone fell silent in the car as they pulled into the parking lot of County Hospital.

The group entered the hospital and headed for the reception desk to get visitors passes. "What room is she in?" asked William.

"We have no clue, we just learned she was in the hospital," replied Veronica absently.

Charles gave the receptionist Vanessa's name.

The receptionist handed them visitor passes and guided them to the elevators. Once they were on the second floor a nurse gave them directions to room 216.

As they entered the room, Nurse Cynthia was adjusting the pillows to make Vanessa more comfortable. "Hi, you must be her mom and dad. Her sister stopped by earlier to check on her. She said she'd return later this evening. She's in a coma but her brain activity is picking up. I suspect she'll be out of it in a day or two. She's going to be fine. We're taking good care of her here."

Veronica was about to counter the statement concerning Vanessa's parentage and sister when Charles stopped her. There was no need to go into detail with a nurse when they hadn't even explained the situation to their daughters. They walked over to Vanessa and noticed the bruising on her face.

Nurse Cynthia noticed the stares they were giving Vanessa's face and said, "It looks a lot worse than it actually is. The bruises should go away in a day or two and she'll look the same. I'll give you some time alone with her," she said before leaving the room.

"Look at my poor baby, she's so lifeless. If I didn't see her chest going up and down I would think she wasn't breathing," said Veronica as William rubbed her arms for comfort. "Did Pam mention what happened?

"No, she just said she was in the hospital," replied Charles. "You do realize this means they have met each other."

"Yeah, I thought about that, but I wonder how? They run in different circles."

"Does it matter? They were bound to meet each other one day living in the same city," said Charles. "Besides we have a bigger problem. They most likely believe their sisters if not twins. I can imagine how they both felt seeing one another for the first time. It's like looking in a mirror. You know we've got a lot of explaining to do."

"Do you think we should go see Pam when we leave here?" asked Veronica.

"No, she needs some time to calm down. It might end up being a great big shouting match if we went to see her. I'll call Mr. Thomas and try to get her address again and see what her schedule is like. Tomorrow will be soon enough to tackle this situation."

"We're going to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat, we'll bring you all something back," said Joanna leaving the room with William.

"Charles if Pam was that upset, how mad do you think Vanessa was at seeing her. Vanessa probably thinks we've been having an affair for the last seventeen years."

"Why would she think that?"

"I haven't dated since she was a baby and the only man she's ever seen me with is you."

"Yeah, but we've never given any indication that we were anything but family. There's no reason for her to think that way."

"She used to ask me if you were really her uncle, when she was little because her friends had so many uncles. That's what their mother would call a new boyfriend. I told her you were her Godfather but she couldn't pronounce Godfather when she was younger, so she would call you Uncle. We might not have given her any signs of a relationship of that nature but she'll make small things seem bigger in her mind. After all she had no idea her father was a twin and no idea I'm one as well. She can't help but assume the worst."

"I guess I can see what you mean. I think we should tell them at the same time. I don't want to have to explain myself twice. Once is going to be bad enough," said Charles looking over at Vanessa. "It's scary to think that we could have lost her. It could have easily been Pam laying her and I never got the chance to make things right between us."

"Stop fretting, it's not Pam and you will get the chance to make things right. The minute Vanessa comes out of the coma we're telling them everything, agreed."

"Agreed."

William and Joanna returned to the room with food for Charles and Veronica. They ate in silence while watching the slow movement of Vanessa's chest. At first they were concerned about Pam showing up but thought better of her making an appearance. She might not want to see them right now any more than they wanted to see her.

Once visiting hours were over, Charles and Veronica made plans to return the following day. Veronica headed home with William. Charles and Joanna headed to his old home to see Linda. She had some explaining to do.

Halfway to Linda's home, Joanna turned and said to Charles, "Perhaps we should call first. You need to make sure she's home. I can stay in the car once we arrive and you can go in and talk to her." She handed him his phone from the cradle of its charger and he dialed Linda's number. The phone rang several times but no one answered. "I don't think she's home, no one's answering."

"Okay, let's go back to Veronica's house. We need to figure out how to clean this mess up," said Joanna.

Charles turned the SUV around and headed back to Veronica's condo. Between the four of them, they should be able to come up with a plan of action.

****

Pam

I woke to the sounds of Chris cooking in the kitchen. Glancing over at the clock on the wall told me it was 9:00 in the morning. I couldn't believe Chris was already up. I had fallen asleep in the same spot she had left me in last night. I arose from the couch and began stretching out my muscles. I needed to work out the kinks so I wouldn't stiffen up later in the day.

Chris stuck her head out of the kitchen, "Good morning. I should have known you wouldn't make it to your bed after trying to figure out your world last night."

"Since you knew, I wish you would have been kind enough to tell me so I could have gotten up and went to my own bed to sleep," I said a little grouchily.

"Like you ever listen to anything I say."

"I listen when its' something I want to hear," I replied before walking into my bedroom and slamming the door. I tried to shake off the nasty mood I was in as I examined my bedroom. It looked the same way I had left it the previous night. The bed was unmade but everything else was left in its proper place.

I've always kept a spotless room, my mother had trained me well and I never forgot. Now here I was at 20 years of age continuing the tradition. I walked over to the bed and began to make it, when I stopped myself and thought. My room doesn't have to be perfectly organized. A disorganized bed isn't going to kill anyone. Yeah, I thought about letting my bed go unmade but it seemed unnatural to do such a thing. Besides, in spite of my mother's crazy antics, she had taught me how to be neat and clean. So I made the bed anyway.

I looked through my closet for something to wear. After finding a jogging suit I headed to the shower. My mind hadn't revisited the current situation I found myself in and I was glad for the reprieve. Once I was dressed, I headed for the kitchen to clean up. Chris had cooked breakfast and it was my job to keep the kitchen clean, it was an even trade. I couldn't cook to save my life and although Chris had tried to show me on several occasions, I never quite got the hang of it.

"I hope Grouchilina has left the building," said Chris by way of greeting.

"Yeah, she's gone, sorry about that," I replied grabbing the dish towel and running the dishwater. I washed the few dishes Chris had created while she set up the breakfast bar with the food she had cooked. Neither one of us said a word for at least five minutes.

I sat down at the breakfast bar just as she was grabbing the salt and pepper to place on the counter.

"Pam, I want you to think about something for me," said Chris cautiously.

I looked into her eyes dreading what she was about to ask of me. I already knew but I didn't know if I could do it.

"Pam, you need to forgive your father for what he did to Karen. Don't say anything just listen. I know I said this to you last night and I know I'm asking a lot of you. But I want you to think about it. You can't go around hating him and longing for your mother to be a real mother for the rest of your life. You won't know any peace if you don't learn to forgive and accept that certain situations may never change."

I looked at Chris, as every emotion possible swirled through my being. I knew it was Chris' Christian upbringing that allowed her to forgive people who had done her wrong but I didn't have that same upbringing and I found it hard to let go of the anger that had been with me for so long. "I don't know if I can. Maybe if I understood the why, I could get beyond it, but I just don't know. I keep thinking about what Veronica wrote in her journals. The picture of my father is so different from the one I know. And Vanessa seems normal. It doesn't appear that any trauma has entered her life. The man that Veronica describes was the one I knew as a small child and I'd like to know what happened to him. Why had he changed as I got older? Why was he so caring towards Vanessa but treated me as if I didn't exist? Why did he molest Karen?," I said softly.

"Do you think knowing the why will make it any easier. Considering what he did, you either have the capacity to forgive him or you don't. There is no excuse for what he did, but you need to try to forgive him anyway. Of course if you really need to know the why of the situation, you do realize you will have to talk to him."

"Yes, I know," I said unconvincingly. I thought about the scene with Veronica and my father once again. I thought about her journal writings and I just couldn't see my father being two totally different people. Was he really that good of an actor or had he changed because of Karen? Chris interrupted my musings as always.

"Okay, on to a lighter subject. Mr. Thomas called. Our event for the night has been cancelled. So we're free today. Did you want to go check on Vanessa, you know, see how she's doing?"

"I'd like to check on her but I'm afraid I might run into my father and Veronica. I can't let them know I already know the truth. She might not take too kindly to Vanessa copying her journals."

"So if we bump into them we play dumb. They don't have to know we already know. They might even fill in some of the blanks concerning Veronica and your mother. I'd still like to know why Veronica disassociated herself from her whole family, that's a bit extreme to me. Besides, I got your back if we happen to bump into them at the hospital."

"Do you have any idea what time visiting hours begin?"

"Yes, they start at 11:00 and end at 8:00. Maybe if we go early we might miss them altogether."

"I'm going to call to see if Vanessa's out of the coma."

"Okay, I'm going to grab a shower and get dressed," said Chris heading towards her room.

I picked up the phone and called the hospital. Vanessa had came out of her coma last night. She was going through a battery of test to ensure her brain was functioning as it should be. She would be back in the room by the beginning of visiting hours at the latest. I hung up the phone and cleaned up the kitchen from our breakfast. Chris was still in her room so I went to watch a little TV while she finished getting dressed. I was still channel surfing when Chris emerged from her room dressed and ready to go.

I'm not one for praying but today I decided it was as good a time as any to begin. I sent up a quick prayer asking God to spare me from a confrontation with my father.

Chapter 12

Pam

I didn't let out an easy breath until we arrived in Vanessa's room and found it devoid of visitors. She was sitting up in bed channel surfing. When I looked at her, my earlier resolve faltered somewhat. I had decided to tell Vanessa that I read her mother's journal but looking at her right now, I wasn't so sure that it was a good idea. I was turning into a coward by my way of thinking. Nothing would get resolved if everyone insisted on keeping secrets. I knew I had to tell her.

"Hi," she said a little surprised to find us standing in her doorway.

"Hi, glad to see you're awake," I replied.

"Me too."

Chris handed her the flowers we had gotten from the gift shop and the get well soon card.

Vanessa admired the flowers and took a whiff of their scent then asked Chris to put them in the vase sitting on the nightstand next to her bed. She opened the card and read the message aloud.

"Sorry for reading the card aloud, I know it's a little unnerving to listen to a grown person read but the doctors have already run their battery of test and I have no clue what my results are. I just wanted to check some of my mental abilities for myself, you know to ease my own mind."

"It's no problem. I'd probably be the same way if I had an accident. Have you spoken to your mom yet?"

"No, you're the first visitor I've had since I regained consciousness."

"Look, there's something I need to tell you but I don't want you to get upset."

"Is my mother alright?" asked Vanessa concern laced throughout her every word.

"As far as I know she's fine. Do you remember anything about the day of your accident?"

"Yes, the journals, did my mother find them?" She asked, devastation written all over her face.

"No, you had the nurse give them to me. You listed me as your emergency contact. I took them home. I originally thought they were for your job but your office sent someone over and he said they weren't from the office. Look, to make a long story short, I read them because I didn't know if you were going to be okay, and I kind of thought you wanted me to read them since you told the nurse to give them to me," I said a little nervously.

Vanessa didn't say anything for several minutes but when she did, she had drawn the same conclusion that I had before reading the journals. "I'm actually glad you read them, it saves me from feeling guilty for reading my mother's personal thoughts." She took a deep breath before she said, "You're my sister aren't you?" she asked in a whisper.

"No, I'm your cousin. Your mother didn't lie to you about that but my father is really your Uncle Charles, not your Godfather. Apparently both of our parents are twins and they ended up marrying the same set of twins, which is why we look almost exactly alike."

Vanessa looked at me astonished at what I had just told her. "My mother never told me my father had a twin."

"Join the club. I didn't know I had any family at all. Apparently there was a rift between our mothers when they were younger. Your mom decided she didn't want anything to do with her family any longer, so she cut all ties with them. And I thought you said your dad's name was John?"

"I did, because it is," said Vanessa.

"Well, I guess you can say your mom lied about that. Your dad's name is Chance, Chance Columbus," I said a little tentatively.

"So was anything she told me about my father true?"

"I don't know. He was in the Peace Corps with her and he died in Africa. Right before you were born he went on a hunting trip and all the men were killed in his party.

"So my dad is dead," said Veronica solemnly.

"Yeah, I'm afraid she didn't lie about that," I said evenly.

Vanessa sat in her bed contemplating what I had just told her for several minutes before asking her next question. "Does my mother know I'm in the hospital? Never mind, I forgot the nurse mentioned they stopped by last night."

"Yeah, about that, I kind of yelled at your mother when I saw her because I thought she was my mother at the time. I'll have to apologize for that."

"Don't worry about it, she'll get over it, besides its' partly their fault. Why didn't they ever let us meet? Spend time together?"

"It's kind of a long story. She doesn't talk about what happened with her and my mother. I believe she'll tell you the truth now, even if my parents don't tell me."

"Why wouldn't they tell you?"

"I don't have the best relationship with my parents. No scratch that, I don't have any type of relationship with my parents, especially my father."

Vanessa sat silently for a couple seconds before speaking again, "I want us to be together when we confront them but I don't think we should tell them we already know the truth. I'd rather see if they'll tell us the truth or try to talk their way out of it, although I can't imagine what they'd say to spin this."

"That's fine by me. But I'd prefer not to do it today."

"When do you think would be a better time. I look like an invalid on my last leg. But my mind is sharp. We don't want to give them the opportunity to regroup."

"I don't think we have to worry about that. From what I read, it was all innocent. But the reason why I'm not ready to face them has to do with my father."

"Why? What did Uncle Charles do?" she asked.

"Let's not get into that right now. It has a tendency of upsetting Pam too badly. Let's just say, Mr. Columbus's actions have been less than fatherly in the past," said Chris.

"What do you mean less than fatherly? You can't just drop a bomb like that and expect me to wait on an answer," said Vanessa heatedly. Her voice had risen several octaves.

We were so engrossed in our conversation that we didn't notice the door to Vanessa's room opening. Nurse Cynthia walked into the room. She looked from Vanessa to me. "Pam you can't upset Vanessa. If this conversation continues to get heated, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Sorry about that," said Vanessa apologetically to Nurse Cynthia. "That was my fault."

Nurse Cynthia shook her head in acceptance and exited the room.

Chris and I looked over at Vanessa. "My relationship with my mother and father hasn't been the best since I was a child. Just give me some time to deal with my emotions before I go into any detail about the situation," I pleaded with Vanessa.

"Okay but I hope you don't take too long. I'd like to know just what you think Uncle Charles did."

"When I am able to calmly discuss it and figure out what happened, you will be the second person to know."

"Who's going to be the first?"

The door to the room opened once again. All heads turned to see what Nurse Cynthia wanted. But instead of Nurse Cynthia this time, the visitors were my dad and Veronica. My heart plummeted at the sight of the two of them entering the room. No one said a word as Vanessa and I looked at our parents.

I knew that Veronica held a remarkable resemblance to my mother but there were subtle differences that I could detect now that I knew there were two of them. Veronica's eye color was deeper and her eyebrows were thicker on her face than on my Mother's. Veronica's face was more welcoming than my mother's had ever been.

The door finally closed behind them and they stepped further into the room.

"Hello mother, father," said Vanessa rather calmly. There was a hint of anger seething below her words.

At first I was trying to figure out what she was doing but then it dawned on me. I envied her at that moment. I knew she would be a great lawyer. She had delivered her lines flawlessly. Her words had cut threw them like a steak knife slices a t-bone. She wanted to get them to admit things up front in case our tempers got the best of us and we let it slip that we already knew the truth. I told her I wasn't ready to face my father just yet but their appearance at the hospital gave me now choice. I didn't say a word, I just allowed Vanessa to address our parents.

"Hi Vanny," said Veronica a little nervously. She turned and looked at Charles uncomfortably before turning back to Vanessa and speaking again. "Vanessa, Charles isn't your father or your Godfather, he's your uncle. He's what you have been calling him all your life. Your father and Charles were twins." She turned and looked at me, "Pam your mother and I are twins as well. That's why you two look identical. You're cousins not sisters."

Vanessa and I turned and looked at one another then we looked back at our parents. "If we're cousins, why haven't we ever met each other? Why have you two been sneaking behind our backs all this time? Why all the secrecy and lies?" asked Vanessa.

"I must take responsibility for all the secrecy and lies. I made Charles promise never to mention you or me to Linda, my sister. I wanted nothing to do with her," said Veronica nervously.

"Why wouldn't you want your own sister in your life, especially a twin sister?"

"If you knew what type of person my sister was when we were growing up, you'd understand," replied Veronica.

"Well, I didn't know her when she was a child, so make me understand now, why all the subterfuge?" said Vanessa.

"It began before you were born. It had nothing to do with you," said Veronica shakily.

"But it has something to do with the fact that I have a cousin my age that I don't even know!" yelled Vanessa.

"Calm down Vanessa, we don't want Nurse Cynthia coming into the room again," I warned.

Vanessa lowered her voice before addressing her mother again. "I'm waiting mother."

"It's hard for her to talk about it. She barely told me any of the history besides what she felt I needed to know. But I know enough to understand why she doesn't want anything to do with her sister," said my father.

"All of these evasive tactics aren't going to work on me. I need cold hard facts," said Vanessa. "I'm tired of not knowing the why. I don't know why you don't want anything to do with your sister. I don't know why Pam hates Uncle Charles so much. I don't even know why I'm sitting here wasting my time with people who claim to love me but can't be honest with me."

"Vanessa, you're being unfair. We've never done anything to harm you. We've only looked out for your best interest," said Veronica.

"I wish someone had looked out for the best interest of Karen," I interjected, looking directly at my father.

"Why do you insist on thinking I did something to Karen. Has your mother poisoned your thinking that much that you actually believe what she said? I would have thought you would have stopped believing anything she said a long time ago," said my father.

"Mother didn't tell me anything. Karen told me what you did to her!" I screamed forgetting my own warning about getting loud.

Nurse Cynthia came running into the room before my father could respond. "I'm sorry but I must ask all of you to leave. You are upsetting Vanessa and disrupting the calm of the other patients on this floor. I also think it might be prudent if you all scheduled your visits at separate times or we will have to ban you from the floor," she said.

"We're very sorry about the noise level. If we promise to lower our voices can we stay?" asked Veronica.

"I'm afraid that isn't possible, security has already been alerted to the disturbance, they're on their way to this floor now," she replied.

"Can I request that Pam and Chris stay?" asked Vanessa looking at Nurse Cynthia.

Nurse Cynthia thought about it for a moment, "it's okay, but you all have to be quiet. You two on the other hand will have to come with me."

My father and Veronica appeared heartbroken at Vanessa's choice to allow me and Chris to stay but force them to leave. As they left the room, Nurse Cynthia warned us that any more disturbances would result in us being banned from the floor. We assured her that the storm had abated and we would be fine. We heard her giving Veronica and my father instructions on their next visit as the door closed behind them.

"That went well," said Chris.

"I'm sorry for exploding like that. It never comes out calmly when I think about Karen," I said.

"Pam, can you please tell me what Uncle Charles did that was so bad?" asked Vanessa again. "I can't imagine him doing anything that would warrant that type of explosion."

"I don't want to upset you. You appear to care about him and what I'd say wouldn't be something you'd expect to hear. I can tell you see him in a different light than I do. Are you sure you want to know?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'll remain objective and calm, or I'll try my best to. I promise not to blow up."

"Okay, I'm going to cut to the chase, no sugar coating the situation." I paused for a moment before plunging into my explanation for Vanessa. I didn't want to hurt her by my accusations but the reality of the matter had to be dealt with here and now. "When Karen was eleven years old he took her away from the house to get a special Christmas gift. The gift turned out to be him molesting her and then giving her the computer he promised her for Christmas."

Vanessa gasped, her hands covered her mouth as she tried to hold in the pain of seeing an eleven year old girl being molested as a special Christmas gift. She bit her lip to hold back the scream. Once she got herself under control, she looked at me. "I can tell this conversation brings you pain but it's hard for me to reconcile the man I've known most of my life with a man that could do something so unspeakable. Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. I saw the blood stained underwear and Karen told me herself," I replied dryly.

"But why would he do such a thing to his own child? I don't understand."

"I'd like to know why he did it as well. We were close before the incident with Karen. We both looked forward to his return from his routes. But after he abused Karen, everything changed. We stayed away from him."

"Is that why Karen killed herself, because of what he did to her?" asked Vanessa.

"Yes, she couldn't take being in the same house with him. She became very rebellious and wouldn't listen to anything our parents said. At one time we were afraid of our mother but Karen soon stood up to her every chance she got. She took a lot of beatings from our mother as a result of her attitude. She never touched the computer he got her that Christmas. My mother ended up keeping it for herself, which I believed was her plan in the first place."

"How old was Karen when she committed suicide?"

"Karen was thirteen and I was nine when she killed herself. I was left all alone after Karen died. It doesn't matter what he's done since then to make amends, he killed her even though he didn't actually put the sleeping pills in her hand and make her take them," I said, the anger in my voice seething below the surface.

"You know there were times when Uncle Charles was at our home and he would seem so sad but I never knew why. I didn't even know he had children until I met you and thought we were twins. He used to look at me so strangely sometimes and he'd often call me Pamela," said Vanessa laying back on her pillow and taking a deep breath. "This is a lot to take in and all of this secrecy has given me a headache."

"I didn't mean to upset you but you wanted to know the truth. I'm sure that with everything that has happened in this room today, you need some time to recuperate. We'll leave you alone so that you can have some time to process all this new information and get some rest. Is it okay if I stop by tomorrow?"

"Yes, please stop by, I'd really like that. Besides if you don't come to see me how will I ever get to know my twin-cousin. Can you do me a favor and call before you come. The next time we need to butt heads with our parents I'd like to be completely healed so I can truly hold my own."

"You seemed to do very well today, even in your diminished state but I'll call ahead of time. Sleep well," I said quietly walking out of the room.

"Good night Vanessa," said Chris right on my heels.

The corridors of the hospital were quiet as we left the second floor to head to Chris' car. My dad and Vanessa's mom were long gone. I guess they needed to regroup after the tongue lashing we gave them. As we got into Chris' car she turned and looked at me.

"Do you ever recall your father missing a Christmas when you were younger?" she asked.

"No, my father was faithful in that regard. There was never a time when he missed a birthday or a Christmas. Why?"

"Because, I remember reading in Veronica's journal that he said you and Karen were upset with him for missing a Christmas. He told Veronica your relationship hadn't been the same since then."

"No, maybe you didn't read that correctly," I said shaking my head in denial before I realized I read something similar. "Okay, wait, there was something in her journal about him missing a Christmas, but he was always home for Christmas. He also mentioned me having a pajama party, but that didn't happen either."

"Then why would he tell Veronica those lies? There was no need for them," said Chris.

"Who knows why my father told her those things."

"Hold on, let's backtrack for a moment. There seems to be some inconsistences in what he told Veronica and what you know as fact. Let's deal with the Christmas situation first. Are you positive he never missed a Christmas?"

"Yes, I'm positive. I can actually go down the list of gifts Karen and I both received each year up until her death."

"What about your eleventh birthday, was he there?"

"Yes, he was there. I remember the dress Veronica described. He wanted me to try it on."

"And?" said Chris.

"I said I didn't like it and I didn't like the way he was looking at me. It was a pretty dress but I refused to wear it. Besides, I didn't like wearing dresses during that time. I used to get mad when my mother made me wear dresses. Anytime my mother made me wear a dress, my father would stare at me the whole time, it was creepy to me how he watched me."

"Did you have a pajama party?"

"No, I didn't have a pajama party. After Karen's death I didn't have any more birthday parties."

"Then why would your mother tell him you wanted to have a pajama party?"

"I don't know. I didn't trust my father enough to have friends over when he was home."

"I kind of thought you wouldn't. Hell, you never invited me over to your house when we were younger. Will you hear me out for a second?" asked Chris waiting on a response from me. I shook my head yes in acknowledgement. "After reading Veronica's journals, they've got me thinking. What if Chance didn't die in Africa? What if he left Veronica there thinking he was dead? If he looks as much like your father, as she does your mother, he could have easily pretended to be your father. Maybe he's the one that molested Karen."

"But what reason would he have for doing that? What does he have to gain from faking his own death? What does he gain from hurting Karen?" I asked.

Chris couldn't give me a valid response to those questions. But she countered with, "what reason did your father have for doing what you say he did to Karen? Child molesters don't have a legitimate reason for molesting children. They're just sick in the head. Would you consider your father sick in the head?"

"No, I will admit that he never seemed to be crazy, distant at times but not crazy. There were times when he made me feel uncomfortable and then at other times I felt loved and cherished by him. I always thought my mother was the crazy one. But then again, after Karen's death, I didn't talk to him or hang around him long enough to determine if he was crazy. After Karen, my sole purpose in life was to stay below his radar."

"I still can't get the contradictions out of my head. There is no way he could be one way with Veronica and Vanessa and a totally different way with you and your mom. Those tendencies would have shown up with Vanessa just like they showed up with you and Karen. Maybe there's a bad seed and it's his brother not him. Perhaps Chance got tired of being the good guy and fatherhood scared the hell out of him, so he disappears."

"And maybe I'll deliver ice water to the devil in hell. People don't fake their own deaths and come back to haunt you. That only happens in movies, this is the real world. Besides, if he allegedly faked his own death, why would he show up in the same city where his wife and daughter were probably going? It seems to me that a smart man would have relocated far from where he might be noticed and if he's smart enough to fake his own death, he's smart enough not to live in the same city as his wife and daughter."

"Look, I haven't worked out all of the details in my head but something isn't adding up with this situation with your father and Karen. Are you willing to do something for me to help clear it up?"

"What exactly do you want me to do?"

"Can we stop by your mother's house and ask her about the Christmas Karen got her laptop?"

"We can stop by but she probably won't cooperate. So it won't do us any good."

"I want to monitor he reaction to the questions more than listen to her answers. Just try not to blow up if she starts talking negatively about Karen."

"I'll try but I can't give you any guarantees. You know how sensitive I am about Karen."

"Yeah, I know," said Chris steering the car towards my Mother's house.

I started preparing myself for the confrontation with Mother. It was always a trial to talk to her face to face and I knew this time wouldn't be any different, it just might be worse.

When Chris pulled up in front of the house it still held that run down look from several days ago when I stopped by. We quickly made our way to the front door. I tapped on the door before I changed my mind. We stood there for several minutes waiting for Mother to come to the door but no response to our knock was forthcoming. I knocked again a little louder this time, but Mother never answered the door.

"I guess she's not at home," I said breathing a sigh of relief at my reprieve. I turned to leave before Chris had any more bright ideas.

"Maybe we can try another day. I'd still like to see her response to the question about that Christmas. Come on let's go grab something to eat before heading back home," said Chris.

"Sounds good to me, I'm actually hungry again."

Chris drove to the nearest fast food restaurant where we ordered a couple of cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes. We decided to eat in, not quite ready to return to our apartment. After we finished eating Chris suggested we catch a movie before we headed back to the comfort of our apartment and I readily agreed. I seriously needed to get my mind off of this whole situation and a movie just might do the trick.

Chapter 13

Vanessa

I breathed a sigh of relief once Chris and Pam left the hospital. This entire weekend had been one trial after another. I was tired of putting up a strong front and my body couldn't deal with it right now. I glanced over at the clock and noted it was only 3:30 in the afternoon.

I was exhausted, my body made it seem as though it was midnight. My mind was over crowded with the revelations I had received from Pam. I just knew she was my sister. At least that's one thing I didn't have to be angry with my mother about. But she did have some explaining to do where my father was concerned. And this situation with Pam and Uncle Charles is going to drive me crazy. She has made some pretty strong accusations and she's sure beyond a reasonable doubt that Uncle Charles is guilty.

I can't imagine Uncle Charles ever allowing a child to be hurt. Pam was so young when the incident happened, I can't help but think she remembered incorrectly. I fell asleep with that thought going through my mind.

It was dark when I woke up again. The blinds in my room were opened a little and I could see a sliver of light coming from the moon peeking between the slits. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and I glanced in that direction. My mother and Uncle Charles were slowly moving towards the bed.

"You guys scared me for a moment. Why didn't you say something when you entered the room?" I asked.

They both jumped at the sound of my voice. Then my mother spoke, her voice sounded a little strange to me but I assumed it was just my fatigue and the hospital walls. Her voice often got that way if she had been crying. "We didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful sleeping in bed. I know it's been a rough day for you."

"Hey mom, can you turn on the light?"

"Doesn't the light bother your eyes? You just woke up, let's leave them off, there's plenty of light coming in from the blinds," said my mother moving closer to me.

"Okay, you're probably right," I quickly conceded. I thought about what I was going to say for a moment before breaching the subject. "Mom, I'm having trouble dealing with this whole situation with me and Pam. I don't know if I'll ever be able to accept everything that has happened or understand everything that you have done. But I believe if you told me why you cut all ties with your family, it might help me understand and accept the situation more."

"Sometimes I wonder myself, why I did such a foolish thing" she said before pausing for a moment to collect her thoughts. "Linda wasn't all that bad. I should have realized if Alejandro could go out with her knowing it wasn't me then he wasn't worth it in the first place."

"Do you mean that you cut all ties with your entire family over a guy?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh, he wasn't just any guy. He was the first guy I truly loved. Linda stole him from me. But then again, he wasn't really mine to begin with if he could so easily fall for Linda. As I think back on that situation, I'm really embarrassed to admit this truth now," said my mother, her voice cracking towards the end of her confession.

"Mom, could you be so jealous of your own sister and that in love with a guy that you would just leave your family, change your name and walk away from everyone and everything you've ever known?"

"I was during that time. I was young and in love. So in love, and then he was gone. Linda knew how much I cared for Alejandro but she took him from me anyway."

I turned my head away from my mother not quite believing what I was hearing. My mother never seemed to be the kind of person that could cut ties over something so trivial. When I turned back towards my mother, Uncle Charles was standing at the head of my bed. He had the most intense look I had ever seen on his face. "Mother, why didn't you talk to Linda about the situation?"

"What does it matter now, it's over and done with. I moved on, got married, had you and moved back to the states."

"It matters because I have lived my entire life without an extended family. My friends have gone to their cousins and siblings parties but I've never had the opportunity to do any of those things because you cut your family off. When you cut them off, you cut me off from them. There were times I wanted to have a sister or cousin to talk to, play with, but I've never had the opportunity because of the stupid decision you made in anger."

"How dare you call any decision that I've made in my past stupid. You're the stupid one wishing for things you don't need. I've told you before, I don't like all this whining so just stop it now," said my Mother rather harshly.

I looked at my mother with new eyes, this was a woman I had never seen before. No, I had never questioned her in my life but I had challenged her on occasion and she had always kept her cool. I've said much worse things to her without getting so much as a rise out of her but looking at her right now, she appeared to want to take my head off. "I'm sorry, mother. I didn't mean to belittle your feelings and what you went through. Can you please forgive me?" I asked after several moments of contemplation.

"Yeah, I'll forgive you once you stop using those fancy words. I know you're a big time lawyer now, you don't have to rub it in. I did pay for your college education after all."

I was about to respond to that ludicrous statement about her paying for my college education when my eyes suddenly started to feel heavy. My mother started talking again and I tried to pay attention to what she was saying but it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. The last coherent thought I had before my eyelids got too heavy and I closed them to go to sleep, was her saying she'd paid for my college education and I shouldn't be talking down to her. What was she talking about? I had received a full scholar ship to Atlanta University and to Atlanta's School of Law. I couldn't understand why she would say such a bold faced lie to me.

The door to the room opened and Nurse Cynthia entered. "Excuse me. I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to leave. Visiting hours ended more than an hour ago." She looked at them hovering over Vanessa's bed with the strangest looks on their faces. It bothered her a little. She wondered why they had returned after being escorted out of the hospital earlier in the day. She hoped she wouldn't have to have them escorted out again.

They both jumped at the sound of her voice. "We're sorry, we didn't mean to break any rules. We were on our way out anyway. She's fallen back to sleep again. Please take good care of my baby."

"We will. I'm glad to see that this visit went better than the one earlier today," said Nurse Cynthia.

"What visit earlier today?" asked Charles.

"The one with all the yelling and screaming between you two, Vanessa and Pam," said Nurse Cynthia looking at them strangely.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that. We get into heated discussions and often forget where we are. I sometimes wonder what is wrong with my children."

"We'd better go. We don't want to be late for the last showing of our movie. Good night Nurse Cynthia," he said before escorting Linda out of the room.

Nurse Cynthia watched them leave with a strange look on her face. This family gets stranger by the minute she thought as she began taking Vanessa's vitals.

She reached for her wrist to take her pulse and noticed it was sluggish, even for someone sleeping. She examined Vanessa's I.V. and noticed the morphine's safety cap was missing. Vanessa had been getting a steady douse of morphine like it was regular fluids. She was overdosing. Nurse Cynthia called a code red for Vanessa's room and began taking the necessary steps to counteract the over dose.

A doctor and another nurse entered the room to assist. They worked in tandem to flush the morphine out of Vanessa's system. They had caught the problem just in time. Nurse Cynthia was concerned that the overdose wasn't a mistake but human created. She wasn't sure whom she should contact concerning Vanessa's current condition. She decided to call Pam. Vanessa's mother and father had just left but she wasn't comfortable calling them considering the damaged cap. She wondered if they had removed it from its' proper place.

She wasn't able to reach Pam but she left her a message to come to the hospital as soon as she could.

*****

Pam

"Today has been an interesting day. I'm going to take a shower. Walking through the weeds and overgrown plants at mother's house gave me the Willies. I feel unclean," I said.

"I'll second that thought. The outside of her house made me want to take a bath. It was just plain old dirty. I can't believe she hasn't done anything to the house in the last two years," said Chris.

"Sometimes, I really do believe my mother has a mental disorder."

"Or two, or three. I don't believe you should stop at one," said Chris seriously.

"If we get started on my mother, we'll never get clean, I'm gone," I said walking out of the room and closing the door behind me. It felt good to have some time all to myself. I grabbed my robe and headed to my bathroom. I could take as long as I wanted and I was happy for the time alone.

As I showered, I thought about my boyfriend Greg. I hadn't heard from him since he called to cancel on Saturday. We might go a day or two at the most without talking but it had been more than six days since I last spoke with him. Even stranger, I didn't feel any real sense of loss at his absence. I should feel something for the man I thought I wanted to marry. I wondered at my lack of concern or caring that I had not heard from him. I also wondered what it meant by the fact that I didn't care to share this family situation with him. Was I really too trusting or did I not really care what he did as long as he could be a good provider. A provider like my father. I often thought that I loved him but I don't think I've ever been in love. By the time I finished puzzling my mind over the question of Greg the water had grown cold.

I climbed out of the shower and grabbed a huge red terry cloth towel to dry off with. When I returned to my room wearing nothing but my robe, I heard a beep, beep coming from my phone letting me know I had a voice mail message.

I listened to the message with growing concern. I ran into Chris' room without knocking before the message was finished. "We need to get back to the hospital," I said scared for once in my adult life.

"Why? What happened?" she asked.

"Nurse Cynthia called, something's wrong with Vanessa." I replied.

"What do you mean something's wrong with Vanessa?"

"I don't know, come on, we've got to go," I said pulling on Chris.

"Ah, Pam, don't you think you should put on some clothes first?" asked Chris pointing out my current attire. My robe had flapped open, exposing my nude body.

I looked down and quickly clasped my robe closed. "Give me three minutes and I'll be ready," I said rushing out of the room. I was dressed in under two.

Chris drove erratically through the streets. I think the panicked look on my face spurred the haphazard driving. We rushed up to the second floor unimpeded after explaining what happened to the security guard.

We found Nurse Cynthia sitting at the Nurse's Station.

"Pam, I'm sorry to have called you about this situation but we still don't have your mom's emergency information. Your mom and dad had just left the room when I discovered the safety cap was off and your sister had been receiving steady doses of morphine. She's alright but we had to take her off of the morphine drip. When she is feeling more clear headed she's going to have a whale of a headache."

"You said my mom and dad had just left when you noticed the cap missing?" I asked.

"Yeah, I don't know how they got in here unnoticed but they were standing over Vanessa's bed when I walked in the room. It was a little unsettling the way they were watching her. I told them they had to leave and they said they were on their way out."

"How could the safety cap come off of an I.V.?" I asked.

"That's the problem I have, they don't. I think it was tampered with," said Nurse Cynthia.

"Did you call the police?" I asked.

"I can't, no one else believes it was tampered with and I have no way of proving that it was."

"Why do you think it was tampered with?" asked Chris.

"Well, I hate to accuse anyone, but considering the raised voices I heard coming from your sister's room earlier today and the strange behavior of your mom and dad when I caught them in the room. I couldn't help but think they were doing something they shouldn't be doing."

"What strange behavior?" asked Pam.

"Your mother didn't even seem to remember the argument from earlier today. She also sounded a little different from when she was here earlier. Her voice was much clearer not as raspy as I heard before. Your mother and father were hovering over Vanessa's bed just watching her sleep. It was creepy.

When Nurse Cynthia mentioned the difference in the voices it reminded me of the encounter at the bookstore. I noticed a slight difference in the voice but I still took Veronica for my mother at the bookstore. Could my mother have snuck up here with my father to harm Vanessa? Why would he go along with it? He's divorcing her?

The light switch came on, alerting Nurse Cynthia that a patient needed assistance. "Vanessa is going to be okay. But I wanted you to know what happened to her. I need to go check on this patient. If you want to look in on your sister that's fine but she probably won't wake up. Just don't stay too long," she said before walking away from the station.

"Okay, if Nurse Cynthia's suspicions are correct. Veronica and your father just tried to kill Vanessa. Who standing here believes that is the case?" asked Chris sarcastically. "Okay, who thinks your mother and Vanessa's father just tried to kill her?" asked Chris raising her hand.

"Need I remind you that Vanessa's father is dead. It was more than likely my father and mother. If Vanessa's father was alive he wouldn't have any reason to want her dead."

"But your father does?" Chris asked questioning. "You need to let all of this soak in for a moment. Let's go check on Vanessa and then we'll try to see your mother again."

"It's kind of late to be going to mother's house."

"Exactly, she won't expect it and I have a sneaky suspicion she'll still be woke. Come on, let's check on Vanessa."

We quickly walked to Vanessa's room and checked in on her. She was paler than before but she was breathing steadily. I couldn't imagine going through what she had experienced recently. We watched her for a couple of minutes deep in our own thoughts before we left. We were headed to Mother's again.

Chapter 14

The street was quiet but crowded when we arrived at Mother's house. It was a little unusual to see so many cars on this block. As a child, I couldn't recall a time when so many cars were seen parked in front of houses. It was another testament to the changes that had occurred in the neighborhood and an added question mark to the changes that were evident on my mother's home.

Chris began to exit the car but I stilled her with my hands. She seemed to understand that I needed a minute to compose myself before going to face my Mother. This would be the second time I'd seen her in less than a week. We sat in the car for several moments, no conversation just complete silence. I was shocked at how patient Chris was being with me. Just when I was ready to get out of the car we noticed a light shining on Mother's porch. The front door had been opened.

Chris stilled my movements this time and we slid down lower in our seats, just enough to see but not be seen by the occupants coming out of the front door. The light grew bigger as the door continued to open. My father stepped out of the house and turned to look at Mother. He chucked her under her chin, then turned and walked down the stairs. Mother closed the door before he made it to the bottom step. We watched as my father clicked his key fob and the lights for a medium sized sedan came on. He got into the car and quickly drove away.

Chris wrote down the plate number and make of the car as proof that we had seen my father at his old house. We were both silent for several moments, I couldn't understand why he would be there when he was divorcing her and getting remarried. Chris' thoughts were totally different from my own. We sat in the car just contemplating what was really going on with this situation.

I finally spoke after the silence seemed to be choking me into speaking. "Chris, you can't deny what you just saw. My only concern now is wondering if my father has a split personality. It's the only way I can see him leaving Veronica's house to hang out with my Mother?"

"Pam, do you ever listen to anything I tell you? He's never been with Veronica. He's getting engaged to her best friend Joanna. Although I'm with you on the possibility of a split personality but I think I'm going to lean more towards my twin theory."

"Really, after seeing my father leave?"

"Who just snapped on Veronica in the store thinking she was her mother?" Chris asked.

"Point taken, but I'm still holding out on my father having a split personality."

"You know I haven't seen your mother in more than four years but her resemblance to Veronica is uncanny," said Chris.

"I know, and it appears that she's been to the hairstylist recently. It's the exact same hair cut as Veronica. I guess my father does have that kind of effect on her." I said in response, before changing the subject. "Okay, now that we've seen my father leaving this house, I don't feel a need to go and talk with Mother. So can we just leave?"

"You might not feel the need but I'd still like to ask her some questions. Come on, enough time has passed that she won't know we saw who ever that was leave. Just don't mention what we saw. Right now we're investigating the Christmas Karen was molested, okay?"

"You're back on that again. You just can't let this twin theory go can you?"

"No, I can't, there are just too many inconsistencies with your father's behavior. I just can't see him being that good of an actor to pull off fooling Veronica, Vanessa and your mother, who happens to be highly suspicious of anyone," said Chris evenly.

"Alright, I'll go along with it for now but don't keep me in this house too long. You know how I get around my mother."

We sauntered up to the door and knocked hard three times. Mother must have thought my father was returning because she yelled coming and opened the door a second later without checking to see who it was.

The first thing I noticed was that she had changed clothes. She was wearing a transparent cream colored negligee. It was cut low at the bust almost revealing her bare breast and only covered the space from her chest down to the middle of her thigh. She wore a robe which was just as sheer as the negligee. Her face dropped when she realized it was us and she quickly closed and tied her robe.

"What are you doing here at this time of night?" she yelled before she tried to close the door in our faces.

Chris anticipated the move and stuck her foot in the door.

"Expecting father?" I asked cheekily, following Chris into the house. Our advance forced Mother to either stand in the door way half clothed for her neighbors to see, or move out of the way and allow us to enter the house. She opted for moving out of the way.

"Don't concern yourself with my affairs," she replied carefully looking around the room.

"Why shouldn't I be concerned? You call me enough to tell me about you and your fantastic husband. I see you've cleaned the place up a bit," I remarked noticing the condition of the living room. "I don't plan on taking up much of your time. I just came to ask you about Christmas."

"What the hell does Christmas have to do with anything?" she almost yelled at us.

"I wanted to know if there was ever a time that father missed a Christmas. You know, where he wasn't with us but on the road for his company?" I asked calmly.

"Your father was always home for Christmas, there might have been one year that he missed a Christmas when you were younger," she replied nonchalantly.

I jumped on her response, "what year did he miss? Was it the year I as seven and Karen was eleven?" I asked quickly.

Mother looked at me closely trying to discern why I was asking about a Christmas when I was younger. I wasn't looking at her closely but Chris was, she noticed when Mother began to backpedal. "No, no, I misspoke," said Mother quickly. "Your father was home every Christmas, he never missed one. Christmas was always special to me and he vowed never to miss one as long as we were married," she said more forcefully. The phone rang and Mother left the room to answer it, even though there was a phone sitting next to where she was standing.

"Did you notice that?" asked Chris.

"Shush, I'm trying to listen to her conversation," I said waving Chris' comments off. I listened more closely, trying to catch the words Mother was saying.

"Keith don't come back right now," was said in hushed tones before she grew quiet. We waited for several seconds before she spoke again. "Okay, Chance. Yeah, I'll call when it's clear." Soon after we heard that, Mother returned to the living room. Chris and I pretended to be in deep conversation.

"Are you done playing your Christmas trivia game?" Mother asked snidely.

"For now, let's go Chris," I said turning and walking to the door. Neither of us bothered to say good night. We left her house in a hurry to get back to the car.

"Should we wait around to see who Keith is?" Chris asked.

"I don't really care who Keith is. I'm more concerned with the end of the conversation, it was weird. It seemed as if I heard two names, at first I heard the name Keith. And for a moment I thought she called him Chance, and told him she'd call him when it was clear," I said.

"Chance, as in Charles brother Chance?" asked Chris.

"That's what it sounded like she called him," I replied.

"I don't know. I didn't catch that part. I heard the name Keith but not Chance. But if she said Chance, then that would mean Charles' brother is still alive. It could have been him that just left her house. I think we should stay to make sure," said Chris deep in thought.

"Look, that was my father that just left. I am 100% sure of that. I don't have to hang around to confirm that truth. Chance is dead, I just misheard her. Let's go, its' been one hell of a day. I'm exhausted. I just want to go home and get in my bed," I said. There was a nagging suspicion in the back of my head but I refused to listen to the little birdie telling me something was wrong with my reasoning.

Chris put the car in gear and drove us home. We were silent for most of the ride until Chris said, "You do realize she was lying about your father never missing a Christmas, right. She realized why you were asking her about it. That's when she changed gears and said he'd never missed a Christmas," said Chris.

"And what is that supposed to mean." I said turning and looking at Chris. "You're back on that again. You can't seriously be thinking that Chance is actually alive?"

"Yes, it's the only logical thing. Who's to say that was your father we saw leaving your mother's house tonight. It could have easily been Chance."

"Dead men don't visit people. Why can't it be that my dad has a split personality but doesn't know it?"

"Because I think someone would have noticed that by now and gotten him some help. How could he run a successful business with two or three different personalities?"

"Many people have mental issues and have managed to live normal lives until it comes to light," I said.

"Okay, you stick to your theory and I'll stick to mine," said Chris getting out of the car at our apartment.

"Chris, why do you insist on defending my father? You know what he did to Karen, yet you want to find an escape clause for him."

"Pam, even you have admitted that there are contradictory pictures of your father, yet you aren't offering any reason as to why those contradictions exist. Let me restate that, you aren't offering any reasons that will benefit your father. Everything you say is to crucify him. Yet, Vanessa and Veronica see a totally different man when they see your father. That has to count for something," said Chris.

I didn't address anything that Chris had just voiced to me. I wasn't ready to, so I said, "Home sweet home, bed sweet bed. Please don't wake me early tomorrow. I might have to kill you if you try. I want to get as much sleep as I can." I wasn't in the mood to listen to Chris and her defense of my father. I just wasn't there yet.

"No problem, good night," said Chris closing the door to her room.

"Good night," I replied doing the same. I didn't even bother taking off the jogging suit I was wearing. I just crawled into bed and fell into a restless sleep.

****

"Veronica, Veronica, wake up, honey. Your phone is ringing," said William gently shaking Veronica awake. He had come over last night along with Joanna and Charles after their failed attempt to see Linda. Charles believed she needed him and William prayed that it was true. He watched her as she slowly came awake and reached for the phone.

"Hello," she said rather sleepily.

"Veronica, this is Charles. You're still asleep?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"It's almost 12:00 in the afternoon. Aren't you planning on going to see Vanessa today?"

"I want to see Vanny but I'm afraid she'll demand to know what happened between me and Linda. I just can't talk about that night right now," said Veronica.

"Why don't you do what you're always telling me to do, write it down. Better yet, write Vanessa a letter telling her everything. I'll take it to Pam and ask her to deliver it to Vanessa today," said Charles.

"You're going to see Pam today?" she asked a little surprised by his statement.

"Yes, I didn't get an ounce of sleep last night. I tossed and turned half the night, keeping Joanna up with my restlessness. I've let Pam hate me for far too long and now that I have an idea why, I've got to clean this situation up," said Charles.

"You sound just like William. He encouraged me to write it down last night after you all left. I did. That's why I wasn't awake. I spent half the night summarizing my childhood for my daughter and Pam. I've got to clean up the mess I made of this situation with our daughters. When do you plan on going to Pam's?"

"I'll be leaving in about an hour. Why?"

"I want to join you. I addressed the letter to both of them. You might want to read it as well. There are some things in the letter that I never told you about Linda. Can you pick me up on your way?"

"Yeah, I'll be at your condo by 1:30 at the latest. I'll call to let you know when I'm downstairs."

"Okay, I'll see you in a minute. Alright, goodbye," said Veronica hanging up the phone.

"It sounds like you all have made a decision," said William looking at Veronica.

"Yeah, Charles is going over to Pam's house to talk to her. I'm going to join him. He's going to need a referee because Pam has a lot of anger towards him and I don't think he will get a word in inch wise if he tries to confront her alone."

"Was their confrontation that bad?"

"Well, the incident at the book store was much worse than the hospital but that's only because she wasn't trying to upset Vanessa. With no one to stop her, she'll go full throttle for his throat."

"Why is she so angry with him?"

"If I understood her correctly, she believes he did something to her sister Karen."

"His daughter that committed suicide?"

"Yes, she apparently blames him for Karen's death."

"Yeah, you're right, he'll need some back up to calm her down and help her see reason. Did you finish the letter last night?"

"Yes, I got it done. I just hope the reading of it won't shock them too much. I laid everything bare concerning Linda. I don't know how Pam will take the information. I wouldn't be too happy learning the things she'll learn pretty soon."

"You'd better get a move on if you're going to be ready when Charles gets here. I'll cook you breakfast while you shower and get dressed."

Chapter 15

The phone rang at 1:33 p.m. Veronica grabbed it off of the receiver and answered it. "Hello."

"Hey, Veronica, I'm pulling up in front of your building now," said Charles.

"We'll be down in a moment," said Veronica placing the phone back on the hook. She checked her purse again to make sure she had the letter before calling for William. "Charles just pulled up in front of the building."

"I'm on my way out now. I heard the phone ring and presumed it was him calling. I'll walk you down to his car. Will you call me when you get home later, so that we can talk?"

"Yeah, I'll call you when I get home," replied Veronica walking out of the door with William. They reached the ground floor in under thirty seconds and found Charles waiting out front. William walked her to Charles' car before getting his out of the parking lot.

Veronica slipped into the car and put on her seat belt. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?"

"Yes, I've got to know what's going on with Pam. Hopefully we can resolve this issue and have a better relationship after today."

"Let's go before I change my mind. I'm beginning to get nervous," said Veronica.

"You get nervous, I don't believe it," replied Charles as he pulled the car out into traffic. The drive to Pam and Chris' apartment took under fifteen minutes. Charles had called Mr. Townsend (Chris's father) to smooth the way and make sure they would be at home during this time. He pulled up to the curb in front of Chris and Pam's building.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"No. Are you?" she asked.

"Yes, I've let this go on for far too long. It's time it ended," said Charles confidently. They walked into the building and located Pam and Chris' apartment. They could hear movement within. Charles rang the doorbell and stepped back. After several moments the door was answered by Chris. She looked at Charles and Veronica, at least she believed it was Veronica.

"Good morning Mr. Columbus, good morning Ms. Bell," she said smoothly. A thousand thoughts were flowing through her head per second at their arrival. Chris realized that her father had an alternate reason for wanting to know if they were going to be home this morning.

"Good morning," they replied in unison.

"Please come in and have a sit. Pam is getting dressed. I'll let her know you're here," she said before walking to Pam's bedroom door. Chris stood at Pam's door for several seconds allowing Charles and Veronica the chance to go to the living room. It also prepared her for the anger she knew would come from Pam when she realized her father was in the living room. Once Chris was sure Charles and Veronica were in the living room, she knocked on Pam's door.

"I'll be out in a minute, I'm almost dressed," called Pam from the other side.

"Pam, are you halfway decent I need to come in for a moment," said Chris nervously.

"Yeah, come on in," replied Pam.

Chris walked into the room and firmly closed the door behind her. She leaned back on the door and looked over at Pam trying to gage her mood. Pam didn't appear to be giving away any signs of her feelings this morning, so Chris stopped putting off the inevitable and told her, "your dad and Veronica are in the living room waiting on you."

"My dad and Veronica," said Pam disbelievingly. "Why did they come here?"

"I'm assuming to talk to you about this situation. Maybe they feel you might be the more sensible of the two or maybe he wants to address the accusations you set at his feet," replied Chris calmly.

"I don't want to talk to him right now," I said.

"Yesterday you wanted to know the why, this is your chance to find out why. There is no one to stop this conversation, you need to go out there and let him explain himself. See what he has to say about the situation."

"There is nothing he can say to defend himself. There is no excuse for what he did and her death rests on his shoulders."

"You are absolutely right, there is no excuse and yet you said yourself, you want to know the why. If there is no excuse, why do you need to know, why he did what he did?"

"Because I can't reconcile the man I knew in my youth with the man who did that to Karen. You were right last night when you said Veronica and Vanessa see him in a different light. They see him how I saw him growing up until Karen was molested. Something broke in me after that fateful night. I have been torn since that day where my father is concerned."

"Pam, the only way for you to resolve this is by facing him."

"I'm scared, Chris," I said summing up the situation in a nutshell. "I've always been scared." My fear was obvious for Chris to see.

"What are you scared of?" asked Chris.

"I don't know, but facing him scares me right now. I haven't always been afraid of him, there were times when I was quite comfortable around him, but I'm afraid right now." I stood there for several moments arguing with myself. "Actually, I do know why I'm scared. I'm afraid that I have pushed him away all this time and he was innocent. I'm also afraid that he is guilty and I might try to kill him. I've had warring emotions for my father for the longest time. Maybe that's why I blow up every time I think about what happened to Karen. I can't imagine him doing that knowing the kind of person he was when we were younger, but I can't imagine Karen lying about it either."

"Maybe you can get some closure from talking to him about it. I'll be in the room with you and so will Veronica. You don't have to feel afraid," Chris reassured me.

I took a deep breath before finally agreeing to come out and talk to my father. I tried to push aside the hurt and anger at Karen's death. If I could keep a focused mind it would help me get through this nightmare. Chris left the room to allow me to finish getting dressed.

After about ten minutes of psyching myself out I finally found the courage to face my father once and for all. I walked into the living room where they were located. Chris had made coffee and they were sitting around the room making small talk. My father stood up when I walked in the room.

"Good morning, Father, Ms. Bell," I said rather curtly.

"Good morning," they replied in unison.

I took a seat in the arm chair, not wanting to be anywhere near my father at that moment. He sat back down when I sat down.

"I've just been telling your dad and Ms. Bell about how our summer has been going," said Chris looking at me. I acknowledged her comment with a nod of my head before turning to look at my father. The look I gave him was so intense he turned away for a moment.

"Why did you come here?" I asked evenly, surprised at the calmness in my voice.

"I wanted to talk to you concerning your allegations. When I saw you at the book store, it took a moment for what you said to register. Veronica and I were surprised by your appearance, we thought you were Vanessa and when you started yelling at us, we realized who you were," said my father.

"Yeah, I realized much later that I wasn't yelling at Mother and you, but the damage had already been done by that point. I'm sorry Ms. Bell for ranting at you the way I did. I wasn't fully aware of all the details that I am now."

"No, I'm sorry for any of the pain that I might have caused you. By forcing your father to keep my identity secret and keep Vanessa away from you, I probably did you the greatest disservice ever. I'm hoping one day that you'll forgive me. But in the meantime I wanted to give you this letter, it's addressed to you and Vanessa. I still find it hard to talk about my childhood, so I did what I do best, I wrote it out for you and Vanessa to read," she said handing me a thick manila envelope.

I accepted the envelope without responding and placed it in my lap. I didn't know how I felt about Veronica's part in this whole mess, but I couldn't address it now. I had a more pressing matter to attend to, my father. He sat quietly through the exchange with Vanessa and me, now he began again.

"Pam, what exactly do you think I did to Karen? Did your mother tell you I did something to her? Is that where you're getting this idea from?" he asked.

"She never said you did anything to Karen. Mother didn't tell me anything concerning Karen, not that I'd believe anything she'd say. She made our lives a complete hell when you were away. One minute she was loving and caring the next she'd grow two heads and turn into the devil incarnate. We never knew what to expect where she was concerned. She loved and hated us. But that doesn't have anything to do with you and what you did," I said contemptuously.

"And, exactly what did I do?" he asked in exasperation.

The memory seized me as if it were yesterday, the day I lost my sister and my father. I began in a voice filled with all the hurt and pain Karen had suffered. "Karen told me the day it happened, she was eleven years old. Ironically, it happened on what was supposed to be the best day of a kid's life outside their birthday. You took away her childhood that day," I said quietly, tears streaming down my eyes.

The realization of what I was accusing him of suddenly hit my father. "Karen told you I molested her?" asked my father devastation and anger written all over his face. "Why would she tell you that lie? I'd never do anything of that nature. Could your Mother have put Karen up to the lie?"

"Father, Mother didn't do anything. But if you're wondering did she know what happened that day, she knew about it. You bought mother all those gifts and the last gift she opened was a laptop computer. Karen yelled at mother about the computer and said it was hers. I don't know what Mother would have done if you hadn't come home at that very moment. She told Karen to go see who was at the door and it was you," I said anger seething just below the surface. "Why do you insist on me explaining a situation you were involved in? There are no ifs, ands, buts, or maybes about it. You did it!"

My father leaned back in his seat as if I'd slapped him. He had been looking at me with such an odd look on his face. "Pam, I would never do anything to hurt my girls. I wasn't home the Christmas I got Karen the laptop, I got stranded in Minneapolis, Minnesota. They had a massive snow storm and I wasn't able to get home. When I finally returned home your mother asked me not to mention missing Christmas because you girls were still upset about me not being home. I remember how cold you girls were towards me, I couldn't believe it. I tried to make it up to you two but nothing seemed to work that Christmas. The distance between us continued to grow after that Christmas and I assumed it was because I was never home."

"I remember that Christmas Pam. He wasn't at home. It was the first Christmas Eve he didn't spend with Vanessa and me. Are you sure you got your dates right? He couldn't have been in Minnesota and here in Atlanta at the same time."

"If you need proof of what I've just said, I have business records to prove I wasn't home."

"Well, I'm positive on the date and about you. I even saw the blood stained panties she had worn that day. You were home because I remember you asked Mother to cook you sausage and I thought that was strange, you never ate sausage."

"Pam, I'm a vegetarian. I've never eaten meat a day in my life. You should know that, you've eaten dinner with me enough times!" said my father vehemently.

"Yes, and I've seen you eat meat on several occasions as well. If it wasn't you as you claim, then who was it? Your twin? Oh, I forgot, it couldn't be him because he's dead," I said sarcastically.

Veronica blanched at my statement and I immediately felt embarrassed by my flip tongue. I looked at her and began to apologize. My father interrupted my apology mid sentence.

"Pam, I never laid a hand on your sister. I wasn't at home the Christmas you're talking about and I have no idea why Karen would lie about something so serious," he said adamantly, jumping up from his seat and pacing the room.

"I guess you weren't coming out of your wife's house last night around 11:00 p.m. either were you?" asked Chris.

He stopped and looked at Chris as if she had grown wings and was flying around the room. "Why would I be at Linda's house? I've been through nothing but hell since Pam graduated and I filed for divorce. She has tried everything to stop the divorce petition but I've finally had my day in court. The divorce is almost final and I'll be remarrying very soon."

"Dad, we saw you leave her house last night," I said reverting to the old endearment I used as a child before the incident with Karen changed my world. There was something in his eyes that said he was telling the truth but I was too afraid to believe that he was innocent. Because I knew if he was innocent, I had persecuted him for years for no reason and I couldn't live with myself if that was found to be the case.

"Ladies, we were at my condo last night until midnight. Joanna, William, Charles and I. You couldn't have seen him leaving your mother's house. You can call William to verify what I'm saying so that you don't think I'm lying for him," said Veronica handing me her phone.

I took the phone and asked for William's last name. Veronica supplied it and I pressed send to make the call. After I questioned William thoroughly, I realized there was no way my father could have been leaving my Mother's house last night. "If it wasn't you leaving Mother's house and your husband's dead, who was leaving the house? You weren't a set of triplets were you?"

"No, there were only two of us. This doesn't make sense. Maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you. I've always suspected your mother was having an affair with someone else but I could never prove it. Maybe you saw him and assumed it was me," said father.

"Maybe you're right," I hedged. I gave Chris a warning look before I continued. "I've been so obsessed with learning why Karen was abused and I was spared, that I have a tendency of seeing you every time I think about that house," I said evenly.

I looked over at Chris and saw the burning desire to ask one more question. I hoped she understood my earlier warning and wouldn't mention anything else about last night for now. I gave her an opening to ask her next question. "Chris did you have a question?"

"When did your guest come over?"

"Huh?" responded Veronica.

"You said William and Joanna were with you all last night, at what time did they come over?"

"They were waiting on me when I arrived at my condo, Joanna has a key. When we left the hospital after the big argument Charles and Joanna went to see your mother but she wasn't at home, so he drove back to my place around 6:30," said Veronica.

"Pam if they were with two other people, they couldn't have been at the hospital last night after visiting hours," said Chris excitedly.

"What is she talking about?" asked Veronica.

I hadn't thought about the visit Vanessa received from her mother and my father last night until Chris mentioned it. I shook my head in warning to Chris. "Chris thought she saw you'll at the hospital last night when we left after seeing Vanessa. I told her that you all had probably gone home. Now she realizes that you couldn't have been there," I replied smoothly looking at Veronica and my father. I realized I needed to get Veronica and my father out of our apartment, nothing was making sense. We needed some time to figure out what was really going on.

"I don't want to seem rude, but this conversation has worn me out and I need to think about some things. Dad, I have heard your side of the story and it still doesn't reconcile with mine. I need to sit down and try to remember exactly what Karen said and everything I saw from that Christmas. Please give me some time to process this information," I said calmly.

"Thank you, that's actually more than I expected considering what I've been accused of. We'll leave and give you some time. I gave Chris my cell number and the number to my apartment in case you'd like to talk," he said turning to look at Veronica.

"Thank you for listening and please, please try to remember everything from that Christmas. I know if you do, you'll see that it couldn't have been your father. Also, don't forget to read the letter and then give it to Vanessa," said Veronica.

"Have you'll been to see her today?" asked Chris.

"No we decided to let her calm down. She'll call when she's ready," said Veronica.

"Let's go, Veronica," said Charles turning towards the door.

"I'll walk you out," said Chris leading the way to the front door.

There were no goodbyes coming from either party, I guess deep in our hearts we knew that we'd be seeing each other again. When Chris returned to the living room, she just looked at me.

"You've got to be thinking the other twin is alive now. There can't be something wrong with both our visions."

"I have to agree with you on that," I said sliding back in my seat. I looked at Chris with both hope and despair in my eyes. "What if I've been wrong all this time? What if it wasn't my father that molested Karen? How do I get past the feelings of hurt and anger at what I thought he had done to her?"

"You start by forgiving yourself and apologizing to him. From there you need to build a relationship with him to show your mother that she hasn't won. Since I'm convinced he's innocent at this point, the sooner that happens the better."

"How can I know for sure that it wasn't him? Karen isn't here to defend herself."

"I think you should do just what you said you were going to do, try to remember that night. I have a friend who goes to a therapist. This therapist is good at helping people remember events from their past. I could get you an appointment to see her," said Chris.

"Yeah, but how long would I have to wait for an appointment?" I asked.

"It might not be so bad a wait, let me call her and get the ball rolling," said Chris getting up and heading towards her room.

"The sooner the better," I said to her back. I sat on the couch and stared at the envelope Veronica had given me. Tackle one demon at a time I said to myself before picking up the letter, I was about to open it when I stopped myself. This letter was for Vanessa and me. I'd rather we read it together. I laid it in my lap and waited until Chris returned to the room. Chris and I would go see Vanessa and we would read the letter together. Vanessa might have some ideas on how to proceed next.

When Chris came back in the room she had good news, she had contacted the therapist. The therapist could see me in three days. She had a cancellation and gave me that date. I had no idea that I would need to see her about more than just a lapse in my memory at that time.

I asked Chris if she'd mind going to the hospital to see Vanessa. By this point I already knew what her answer would be, she was as much vested in this situation as I was, so we headed out.

Chris left the apartment before me because I needed to grab my purse and cell phone. As I crossed the street to her car I heard the screech of tires and a car came zooming towards me. I actually stopped in the middle of the street because my mind had gone blank. I couldn't understand why this person was speeding up instead of slowing down. Chris yelled for me to come on. I snapped out of my freeze when I heard her voice and I jumped back out of the street and onto the curb.

The car continued to barrel down the street. A kid stuck his head out the window and yelled, "Learn how to cross the street," before the car made a sharp turn around the corner.

"Pam, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said shaking off the experience.

"What the hell is up with that guy?" she asked. "He could have killed you."

"It was just some dumb kids speeding. He actually had the nerve to tell me to learn how to cross the street."

"For a moment, I thought someone was trying to shut you up."

"Why, what would be the point now?"

"Maybe you're getting too close to the truth," said Chris looking up and down the street.

"You really need to stop reading those mystery novels," I joked.

"Come on, let's go. We need to get a move on."

I followed behind Chris to her car, looking both ways this time before crossing the street. "I already called the hospital, Vanessa is woke and waiting on us."

"Good, at least we don't have to worry about any ill effects from the overdose last night."

"Let's hope not," I said getting in the passenger seat of Chris' car.

Chapter 16

Chris and I walked into Vanessa's room thirty minutes later. Vanessa was eating Jell-O and talking to Nurse Cynthia. She didn't appear to be any worse for wear considering what happened the previous night. I wondered if Nurse Cynthia had mentioned her suspicions to Vanessa. I didn't get the chance to ask because she was called out of the room. She said hello, before nervously excusing herself from our presence.

"Good afternoon. How do you feel Vanessa?" I asked casually.

"I'm a little sluggish, but it's better than the alternative. I'm glad you came to see me today. I'm not in the mood to deal with my mother. Especially after what she told me last night," said Vanessa.

"What did she tell you last night?" I asked.

"She told me the reason she cut her family off was because of a guy named Alejandro. Her sister Linda stole him from her. She says that now she realizes that it was a stupid reason to cut her family off. She was acting really weird last night and Uncle Charles barely said a word when he was in the room with her. That's so not like him," she said.

Chris and I looked at each other briefly. Then I let her know our suspicions. "Vanessa, we don't think it was your mother and my father in here last night talking to you. Nurse Cynthia believes your safety valve was tampered with on your morphine drip which is why you nearly over dosed last night. She called me after it happened so that I could come and check up on you. When I talked to our parents today, they both denied having been up here last night. Your mother's friend William confirmed that they were all together. Yet, when we left the hospital last night we stopped by my mother's house and saw my father leaving. He couldn't be at two places at once, so we concluded that it had to be his twin, your father Chance that was with Linda last night," I said solemnly. "We think they tried to kill you last night."

Vanessa looked at us as if we had grown two heads. "You think that my father, who died more than twenty years ago, was with your mother last night. First of all, Nurse Cynthia explained to me what happened last night. She also told me that someone had recycled an old clasp that was broken. It should never have been used again. She told me about what she told you all last night. She just found out this morning about the clasp. She was embarrassed that she caused you to worry. Didn't you just notice how quickly she got out of here? The hospital is a little antsy about a possible law suit, so they're doing everything possible to make the rest of my stay here as pleasant as possible. Now to address the rest of your suspicions, my father's dead, and if he was alive, what reason would he have for wanting me dead?" she stated.

"We know he's supposed to be dead and we don't have a reason why he might want you dead. But if your mother and Mr. Columbus were with their significant others last night, than who came to see you with Linda? And who left Linda's house last night when were stopping by?" said Chris. "Your father is still alive."

Vanessa contemplated what Chris said to her for several moments. "But why would he be with your mother? And why would they try to kill me?"

"That's just one of the many questions we have. This entire situation has crazy written all over it. So for now disregard whatever my mother said last night." I pulled out the letter that Veronica had wrote to us.

"What's that?" asked Vanessa.

"When your mom came over with my dad she brought a letter she wrote to us. I didn't want to read it alone since it was addressed to both of us. I was wondering if you were up to listening to what she has to say?" I asked taking a seat across from Vanessa. Chris sat in the seat next to her bed.

"She wrote us a letter?" asked Vanessa in astonishment looking from me to Chris. "Of course, I shouldn't be surprised, she always writes down her feelings and concerns, I guess this situation is no different. You're going to read it out loud?"

"Yeah, I didn't know if you'd be able to read it considering what happened last night, so I haven't read it yet. Chris doesn't know what is says either. We'll all be hearing it for the first time," I replied.

"Okay, ready when you are, we've only waited twenty to twenty-one years to learn about our parents past," said Vanessa.

"We have to catch you up on some other events that have happened as well, but we'll get into those after we read and discuss the letter," I said opening the letter and beginning to read.

"A Tale of Twins"

Dear Vanessa and Pam,

I've dreaded this day for so long. I've been hoping and praying that it would never come but it has arrived and now I have some explaining to do. My only consolation is that you are fully grown and can easily understand my motives for withholding this information from you.

Both of you are aware of the truth concerning your relationship to one another but you don't know any of the back story that has brought us to this point. I'm about to tell you how it all began. Please read this document in its entirety before you start to question any aspect of it. I haven't spoken of these things for a very long time and writing about it now is rather difficult. Unfortunately, Pam is going to learn some unpleasant things about her mother and I am sorry for the pain you might feel at the truth.

I'm quite sure that you both had a sense of elation and dread at finding what you assumed was your twin. Well, my realization was probably very similar to yours when I first learned I was a twin. You see, Linda and I didn't grow up in the same household for the first ten years of our life. Our parents were struggling financially and grandmother tried to get Linda and me away from our mother and father, unfortunately for Linda, I was the one chosen to live with our grandmother, our parents wouldn't give us both up.

My early years with grandmother were wonderful. I didn't even know I had a twin sister and two brothers until grandmother suddenly took ill. I guess it should have bothered me to learn of my family after living with my grandmother all that time but she had shown me so much love and care that I didn't think to question why I hadn't been living with my parents.

One day I came home from school and found my grandmother passed out on the floor. I called an ambulance and we were soon whisked off to Christ Hospital. The doctors informed us that she had congenital heart failure. It was only a matter of time before she passed away.

My mother and father had shown up to claim me the day my grandmother entered the hospital which is what triggered the episode. He had found steady employment and she was working as an assistant at an elementary school. There were no other family members and Grandmother didn't have legal custody of me, no matter how hard she had tried, she was never able to get full custody of me or adopt me, I learned later in life. I was slowly introduced to my sister and brothers. I liked them all and thought it would be great living with a whole family. I loved my grandmother but often felt alone and a little smothered by her. She was very over protective of me and at times I longed from just a little wiggle room.

My grandmother was released from the hospital two weeks after entering and being diagnosed. She hired twenty-four hour nurse care. The doctors believed that she wouldn't be able to find a donor because of her advanced age and weakened condition. They were reluctant to perform the surgery even if she managed to find a donor. My grandmother began her search for a new doctor, she was determined to live. She spoke with my parents and I was allowed to return to her home. I'm not sure what she promised them, but they allowed me to return to her.

My grandmother was put on bed rest but there were two nurses that were seeing to her care. They ultimately had the care of me as well. I was concerned about my grandmother and didn't want her to worry about me. I was extremely smart and very artistic at that age. I would draw pictures of my new family and take them up to grandmother's room so that she could see I was happy to meet and get to know my family.

I watched my grandmother grow weaker. Her search for a new doctor was unsuccessful and she came to the realization that she was going to die. So she began to talk to me about my parents and siblings. The more she talked to me the more afraid I became. I decided I didn't want to live with them after all that grandmother had told me but grandmother said I had no choice she was never able to get legal custody of me. She assured me that she had made provisions to keep me protected from all the things she had been warning me about.

After learning about my parents I was on edge when I began to spend more time with them. But the longer I stayed with them, the more comfortable I became despite the warnings that grandmother had given me. I began to wonder if I had misunderstood what grandmother had told me. So the next time she was up for a visit, I questioned her about her warnings. She patiently answered all my questions concerning my family. She told me to keep my eyes and ears open and everything would eventually come to light. She gave me a number to her lawyer and one of the nurses who had been taking care of her. She would make me recite each person's address, telephone number and work number each time I saw her. She said if my father or brothers ever made me feel uncomfortable or touched me in a way I didn't like, I was to call the lawyer first and then the nurse.

My grandmother died when I was twelve and half. I was her sole beneficiary but my father received a generous stipend every month for taking care of me. I never had to use the numbers she had made me memorize before her death but I did eventually learn why she never wanted her granddaughters to be raised by her son.

On my thirteenth birthday, I received a gift from my grandmother. Her lawyer delivered a package to my school expressly for me. He told me the journal was for my eyes only and not to allow anyone else in the family to know I had it. I couldn't wait until I got home so that I could read it.

I decided to wait until everyone had gone to sleep that night to read the special gift my grandmother had saved for my thirteenth birthday. She had included a brief letter which I had already read at school. She said that she was concerned about how she had told me about my mother and father. She wanted me to understand how she got her information and why she was concerned for my safety.

Dear Veronica,

I know that you probably didn't understand everything that I told you about your parents when you were younger. So I have written down the events that lead me to believe that you would be in danger living in the same household as my son and daughter-in-law. You are old enough now to truly understand what I couldn't explain to you before my death. You see, I was married once, to a man I loved dearly and whom I thought shared my values and returned my love. Our marriage was wonderful. Things were going very well and our first child was a boy.

We decided to wait several years before trying again. My husband wanted a girl as well to complete our family. Three years after our son's birth I found myself pregnant again and my husband prayed every night that this child would be a little girl. When our second child was born, we were ecstatic because it was a girl and we had what we considered the perfect American family with a boy, a girl, our home and a small dog.

My world came tumbling down one evening when I came home early from a day out with the ladies. My daughter was eleven at the time and our son had just turned fifteen. Our son had gone out with friends and Arthur, my husband, was taking care of our daughter. I found my beloved husband molesting our daughter in her bed. I killed him that very night and covered up my part in his death. His death was attributed to a burglary gone bad. My daughter and I never spoke of that night and she never recovered from the abuse. We didn't have a lot of counselors to deal with situations like these during those times because you didn't air your dirty laundry.

I tried everything to help her but nothing seemed to help my baby. She killed herself at the age of fourteen. It wasn't until ten years after she had committed suicide that I learned the truth. I found a journal she had tucked away in the back of her dresser detailing the sexual abuse she had suffered. My son had continued the molestation of her after his father was killed. My husband had already trained our son in the art of Family Love and my son thought that it was alright to have sexual intercourse with his own sister.

I confronted my son concerning the allegations and showed him the journal. He took it from me and burned it that day. He told me our husband knew I wouldn't understand what family love was all about which is why he never told me about it. He told me I would need him before he ever needed me because I was an old woman alone in the world. I cut him off and told him hell would freeze over before I'd need him.

I got word several years later that he had married and his wife was expecting their first child. I was devastated that another child would go through what my Ann had suffered. That's when I came up with my plan.

I insinuated myself back into their life for the sake of my grandchildren. I tried to warn my daughter-in-law but she wouldn't listen to anything that I told her concerning my son, her husband. I breathed a sigh of relief when their first son was born. My torture would begin anew when she became pregnant a second time and it abated when another boy child was born.

I thought they would stop trying for girls since the last pregnancy was somewhat difficult for my daughter-in-law but they tried again. This time my son had her taking fertility pills to increase the number of children she would have. Once I learned that she was pregnant with twin girls I began to make my plans.

Unfortunately, the best laid plans depend on human cooperation and I didn't have that completely. You know the rest of the story, I was able to get you from your parents but your father would only allow me to take one of you in exchange for the money I was providing. I've often regretted confronting him that day. If I hadn't confronted him, I would have had the evidence I needed to prevent him from harming another child. But hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Remember what I told you and remember the names and numbers I taught you. I pray you make it out of that house unharmed and remember, if your father decides to break his word and begins to come on to you sexually, use the numbers I have provided. Don't hesitate. These people are aware but are legally constrained to act unless something happens.

You should still be going to Doctor Sanders every six months for a check-up. This is just another layer of protection I have set up for you. Mr. Patterson will be checking up on you as well. Veronica, you must remain a virgin to protect yourself until after you graduate high school. If you lose your virginity while you are still in that house hold your father will be able to take advantage of the situation. Your father knows that in order to get his lump sum payment you must graduate high school a virgin. He loves money, so I believe you will make it out unscathed. Once you graduate high school you no longer have to live with them. I have provided for your college education. Be safe and call Nurse Angela if anything happens.

I love you, be strong and remember all that I taught you,

Grandmamma

Included in the package was a gold necklace with a picture charm. Inside there was a picture of my grandmother with her daughter on one side and a picture of me on the other. I cried that night for my grandmother and how much I missed her. I cried for being in a house I no longer cared to live in and I cried for the selfish thoughts I had before my grandmother passed away.

By the time I received this letter on my thirteenth birthday, most of my illusions about my family had died. I didn't care about being a twin but Linda was obsessed with it and wanted us to look alike all the time. She wanted us to do everything alike, eat everything alike and always wear everything alike no matter what we were doing that day.

I even lost the privilege of my name. I was named Lindsey Veronica Gleason. But my grandmother always called me Veronica from the day she took me home as a baby. My teachers had all been calling me Veronica as well as my friends. When I finally moved in with my parents, I was no longer allowed to use Veronica, they wanted me to go by Lindsey. And to make matters worse, our parents encouraged Linda's obsessive behavior. Her actions and our parents support made me less and less joyous about being a twin and more willing to explore my own individuality.

There were other things that I would notice as time passed by. My brothers had a habit of walking overly close to me and Linda. I often demanded my space, whereas she seemed quite comfortable with their close proximity. There were times when she would notice our brothers staring at me and she would demand their attention. They would wrestle and play tag but I wasn't asked to join in on some of their games because Linda wanted their sole attention. There were times I felt that she possessed a split personality. She wanted us to be identical, as if we were one and at other times, she didn't want me around.

My father doted on Linda, he always had a hug or a kiss for her but seemed to withhold any type of affection from me. My mother was very affectionate with my brothers and Linda but she too withheld any affection from me. These were the times when I felt so alone because I was used to being shown affection by my grandmother but it was withheld from me here. My existence in my parents' home was one of loneliness. I was a child, wanted but unwanted. I realized that I was tolerated in the household because of the financial advantage I brought to the home. That was the extent of my worth. My grandmother had provided me with excellent protection but I felt so alone.

I often wonder on the idiosyncrasies of life. As always, things happen in phases and my desire to be shown affection by my family would soon dwindle. It began slowly but one unimaginable event would send it plummeting to its early grave. I had done as my grandmother instructed, I kept my eyes and ears open. But I was beginning to think she had grown senile in her illness and had no clue what she was talking about. That conclusion would change at the ripe age of fourteen. It was at this age that I received my first introduction to Family Love.

It was the summertime and extremely hot in Chicago. The only people home were my dad, Linda and me. My mom had taken the boys to a baseball game and dad stayed home with us. It was always interesting to me how the roles were often switched in our household. I thought my father should have taken the boys to a game and my mother stayed home with us. I would learn that day why the family dynamics were so different in our household.

Dad told me to go outside and play or go hangout with Jenna. I would often be sent outside or told to go play with one of my friends so I didn't think anything of it on this particular day. I didn't have a curfew at fourteen which was unimaginable to my friend Jenna but I never took advantage of the lax parenting techniques employed in our household.

Jenna was my best friend but she had gone to visit her grandmother and there was no one else I really liked being around in my neighborhood. It was too hot to be outside that day but my father insisted. So, I made a snap decision on that day. Before I went out, I unlocked our basement door. The basement was always cool during the day. My plan was to sneak back into the basement and enjoy the coolness of such a dark space. The basement boasted a TV with VCR and a Playstation. My brothers kept a stash of movies they like to watch in the basement but I wanted to play the playstation today. I could stay cool and enjoy some entertainment before it was time for me to return from outside. I made a lot of noise letting my father know I had gone outside then I came around to the back of the house and let myself into the basement.

I had been in the basement for about ten minutes when I heard the upstairs basement door open. I quickly turned off the TV and the playstation before looking for a place to hide. I didn't have very many options in our sparsely furnished basement. There was behind the couch, in the bathroom, in the storage closet or behind the TV stand. I could hear my father and Linda coming down the stairs. They were laughing. I barely made it to the big storage closet. I could only partially close the door before they came into view.

I prayed that they were just looking for something and would be leaving soon. My father got angry when I didn't follow his instructions implicitly. When my father sat down on the couch and Linda walked over to the TV console. I realized they were about to watch a movie. I was about to settle back into the storage closet when I noticed Linda bending over in front of my father and wiggling her behind. She appeared to be looking for a video from the collection beneath the TV. Our father seemed uninterested in what Linda was doing but he was interested in her behind. Linda must have found the video she was looking for because I soon heard the TV come on.

"How long do you think she will be gone?" asked our father.

"She'll be hanging out with Jenna for hours. When they get together they're like two little nuns instructing kids on how to behave," said Linda.

"Well, I'm glad you were at least raised properly. No one should be a nun at your age" said my father looking at Linda's chest. "There is too much beauty between your thighs to keep from others. As hot as you look today, I don't think I'll need hours," said our father.

I didn't understand the conversation they were having but I knew they were concerned with when I would return to the house. Pretty soon I heard a different conversation this one was coming from the TV. Linda had sat down next to our father. All I could see were their backs but I had a clear view of the TV. They were watching a porno.

I knew what it was because my older brothers showed me one when I was twelve. That was the first time I had ever seen our father mad. He walked in on the movie and beat both my brothers with a belt. He told them to never show me anything like that again and to stay away from me. They hadn't shown me a video since then. But they watched them with Linda all the time. My eyes were transfixed on the TV until Linda's movement caught my eye. She had slid back on the couch and began to moan. Her moans soon eclipsed the sounds coming from the video.

I didn't understand what was going on at first until she said, "Oooh daddy, I like that."

"If you like it so much, prove it to me. Do something to ease the ache I have," said our father in response.

What happened next almost made me scream. I had to cover my mouth and bite down on my tongue to stop the sound from escaping. I watched as Linda stood up and took off her clothes in front of our father. She was much more developed than I was at this time. She was wearing a double c cup whereas I was still in a single b. Once she was undressed our father stood up and she took off his pants and his boxers. He sat back down and leaned back on the couch. Linda kneeled before him. I didn't understand what was happening until I looked at the TV and saw a similar scene being acted out.

I could see Linda's head going up and down just like the woman's on TV. Our father began to moan and grunt. The words he said to Linda turned my stomach but she seemed to be urged on by them. My stomach started churning and I was scared I would lose the contents of it pretty soon. The scene got much worse before it got better.

Linda eventually stood up and straddle our father. I saw her hand snake down between their bodies. A couple of seconds later her hand came back up and she put both hands on his shoulders. She began to ride him just like the woman in the video until they both started screaming. When she slumped over him I thought they were done, but our father stood up with Linda still in his lap. He made her put her knees on the couch and hold herself erect by bracing the back of the couch. She urged him on telling him to squeeze her breast and to do her harder. I couldn't take the scene anymore so I quietly slid back in the closet.

I cried silent tears that day. Everything my grandmother had warned me about was just confirmed right before my eyes. How could Linda enjoy such an unnatural act? Having sex with our father was so wrong on so many levels. How could she be a willing participant to something so vile?

When all the grunting and screaming stopped I could hear them straightening out the couch and putting everything back in its rightful place. They left the basement exactly as they had found it and returned upstairs to await our mother and brothers.

I stumbled out of the closet and headed to the basement door. The enormity of what I had just seen hit me head on. I needed some air, I felt sick. I almost didn't make it to the alley before I released the contents of my stomach. I couldn't believe what I had witnessed.

My grandmother had warned me, but because I hadn't seen any evidence of it, I assumed she was overzealous in her protection of me. Now I knew firsthand what she had learned. All the affection that was shown by my father to Linda took on a whole new dimension now that I had seen them together. I didn't know how I was going to look either of them in the eye again after witnessing such carnal acts. I had no clue that I would see much worse soon after that act.

A week later I caught my mother in the act with both my brothers. I was supposed to come home late from school because of a field trip but the trip was cancelled at the last minute. When I arrived home, I thought everyone was gone but I soon learned otherwise. I went upstairs to my room and passed by one of my brothers' room en route to my own. The door was cracked and I could hear panting coming from the room. I quietly strolled over to the door and peeked in.

If the scene with my father was bad, this one was ten times worse. I saw my mother's naked body, she was on her knees facing George and Keith was humping her from behind. I'm quite sure you can imagine what was happening with George in front of her. I refused to be a voyeur for the second time in that house hold, so I left and went to Jenna's house.

I was embarrassed by the sexual acts I had caught my family members doing with one another. I couldn't tell anyone what I had learned about my family because no one would believe me. I found myself in the same position my grandmother had found herself, knowing that something was happening but helpless to do anything about it.

If I had felt alone before, now my isolation was complete living in that household. I didn't want to be associated with Linda in anyway. After watching her with our father, it made me feel dirty and nasty because it was almost like I had been watching myself perform those acts. What they were doing was unnatural and I didn't need a text book to tell me that. I just couldn't understand why they didn't realize it was wrong. I decided I needed to read my grandmother's letter once again.

When I read it, I began to understand. My grandmother said she killed her husband for molesting their daughter but her son had already been introduce to the notion of Family Love and she wasn't aware of it. So, evidently my father had trained his family to embrace the same notion. He had to have started when they were children and molded their minds to his way of thinking. But I couldn't help but wonder, if they believed what they were doing was okay. Why did they try to hide it?

I began to stay after school and spend more time with Jenna. I just couldn't stand to be near them for an extended period of time. My brothers' covert looks took on a whole new meaning for me now. My family noticed my withdrawn state and actually began to question me about it. Before they basically ignored me, now they were suddenly concerned. I feigned stress from school for my recent behavior.

As the months went by, Keith and George began to watch me more closely. My body began to show evidence of maturing. The more my body developed, the more uncomfortable I became in the household. My brother Keith was the worst. He would sit and stare at me while I did my homework or just watched TV.

Linda would come in the room and notice it. She'd draw his attention away from me. I didn't know if it was jealousy or spite, I was just glad when she got his attention off of me. They would disappear into the basement for hours. I noticed that they spent the most time together out of everyone in the family. The more I tried to act normal the harder it became, considering my desire to be out of that house.

One day my father noticed the looks my brothers were giving me and he became very upset. He took both of them into the spare bedroom and talked to them. Whatever he told them must have worked because they never looked at me again in a lustful way. I truly hated my father for what he was doing to Linda but on that day I was grateful to him for the protection he provided me. I had feared that my brothers would eventually take what they were lusting after but they never did.

Although I had my father's physical protection, my mental health was up for grabs. From the moment I saw the acts that Linda had performed with my father, and the acts my mother had performed with my brothers, I didn't want to look or be anything like them, especially Linda. The harder I tried to broadcast our differences, the more Linda doubled her efforts to make us appear identical. Linda's ability to mimic my mannerisms was without equal. She even fooled my best friend Jenna on several occasions.

She would pretend to be me and go out with guys that liked me. Her need for sex would compel her to sleep with them as well. I soon gained a reputation to rival hers. I found myself receiving the same looks from guys at school that I used to receive from my brothers. We were known as the double slut twins. A name I abhorred but one that suited Linda quite well.

High school was becoming my second nightmare. My only sanctuary from that nightmare was my friendship with Jenna. By our sophomore year, she could tell Linda and me apart no matter how much Linda pretended to be me. Jenna stuck by my side throughout high school.

During our senior year things started to change somewhat for me. Several more people were able to tell Linda and me apart, so my circle of friends grew bigger. Our school was also a host school for exchange students that were visiting the United States. There was one young man in particular who took an interest in me, his name was Alejandro and he was from Spain. He was a handsome young man and I wanted to date him but I was scared of what Linda might do once she learned of his interest in me. She had been trying to get me to go out with one of the twins she had been dating. I wasn't interested because I had no liking for anything that was twin related, especially brothers. I knew it was just another way for her to press her agenda of sameness.

Jenna encouraged me to go out with Alejandro. He couldn't tell Linda and me apart but Jenna suggested we create a code word to help Alejandro tell me apart from my twin. After several days of going back and forth, I finally agreed to give it a try. It was my secret hope that he would learn to tell me apart from my twin and no word would be needed. I had lost so many friends over the course of my high school career that I feared reaching out to anyone. I had learned over the course of my stay with my biological family that anything I cherished would be a target for Linda. She took her twin bonding to another level.

When I began dating Alejandro, we were inseparable during the school day. I learned that he had been watching me and my sister closely. He never believed any of the rumors concerning my alleged sexual activity. We got to know one another very well and our password was working like a charm. Linda had tried to pretend to be me with Alejandro but he always used the special code word and waited for my reply when he was unsure. It really ticked Linda off that she hadn't figured out what our code words were. He had left her standing with egg on her face several times.

Alejandro and I had been dating for several weeks when things started to change. Alejandro came from an old family. It was a tradition to ask the father for permission to date his daughter. I thought I had convinced him that it was unnecessary for him to do it in America but I learned differently when he showed up at my door.

Alejandro stopped by my house one day and I was forced to introduce him to my family. It was my intent to keep him as far away from them as possible. Jenna already knew about my friend Tracey and what happened to her, so she never came to the house, I always visited her. But once my family met him I knew I had to change my game plan.

My father began urging me to go out and have fun. He would give me money on the weekends and even asked if we wanted alcohol. I wasn't quite sure what was going on with him but he immediately set my antenna's up. My family was up to something.

Linda and Keith became overly kind and friendly. Alejandro was staying with a cousin whose parents owned several night clubs throughout Chicago and we would go dancing on the weekends. We were under aged but his cousin's parents weren't concerned with losing their license because of the connections they had.

One night Jenna and I were out dancing with Alejandro and his cousin Ramón at Club XL when I thought I saw Linda and Keith across from where we were standing. I tried to get a closer look but the crowd began to move and I lost sight of them. Jenna told me I was being overly cautious because no one knew we were there. Linda wouldn't be able to get in the club anyway, she wasn't old enough. Like we were, I thought. I don't think Jenna caught the irony of her statement.

I began to relax after some time had passed without me seeing Linda lurking around the next bend. I was drinking a suicide, which was a lot less dangerous than its namesake. It was a mixture of every type of soft drink available at the club from coke to sprite. Ramón's family would allow us into the club but we weren't allowed to buy drinks.

We decided to hit the dance floor once again. I was really enjoying this night out and actually considered taking advantage of the extended curfew my father had given me. Jenna and I had worked up a sweat and needed a minute to cool down so we excused ourselves and went to the ladies room. Ramón and Alejandro said they'd meet use back at our table.

It took us almost ten minutes to navigate through the crowd to get to the restroom and another fifteen minutes of waiting in line before we actually made it in. We used the restroom and began refreshing ourselves. There were several other ladies in the restroom that had also been in the line behind us.

Once we tried to leave the restroom, we found the door wouldn't budge. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't get the door opened. Some of the girls in the restroom tried to page their friends to let them know we were stuck in the restroom but no one was answering their pages. We tried kicking on the door and banging on the door but to no avail. The music was too loud and blocked any sounds that we made. We had been stuck in the restroom for about fifteen minutes when two girls suddenly entered. From their conversation they had no idea anyone was in the bathroom.

"What idiot would put a broken sign on a club restroom door? You can't open a club without functioning restrooms," said the brunette entering the restroom with her friend. "Oh, excuse us," they said realizing there were people in the restroom.

"Did you see the guy trying to block our path? Such an a-hole. He didn't even have on a proper security uniform. Like we'd believe he worked here with those puny arms," said the girl with the punk rock hair sliding pass us.

I looked at Jenna with concern on my face. Why would someone lock us in the restroom? There had been seven of us in the restroom at that time. We had been banging on the door and yelling our heads off for at least fifteen minutes. No wonder no one heard us or had entered the restroom, someone had been standing there telling people it was broken. Luckily for us these women really had to use the restroom and didn't believe the guy blocking their path. I got a bad feeling in my stomach and told Jenna we needed to find Alejandro and Ramón quickly. When we returned to our seats, Ramón was sitting alone nursing a drink.

"Where's Alejandro?" I asked.

"You should know better than me, you left with him about twenty minutes ago," he replied.

"I haven't been anywhere with Alejandro. We just came from the restroom, we were locked in," I replied looking around the club for Alejandro.

"Don't try to act all shy because your friend is with you now. We're old enough to know what happens when you start kissing and rubbing on a guy in a club," said Ramón.

My stomach dropped down to my knees at Ramón's comments. He was describing Linda, not me. My suspicions from earlier came back tenfold. "Ramón, do I look like I've been rubbing and leaning all into Alejandro? We've been locked in the restroom for the last twenty minutes. We just got out," I said angrily.

Ramón looked at me more closely, "do you have a twin or something because I could have sworn you walked off with Alejandro. A girl looking and dressed just like you came up to Alejandro and began gyrating her butt all in his groin. She gave him some of her drink and whispered in his ear. She was all over him. Then he asked me for the keys to one of the private rooms. Maybe they're still in the there, let's go check." Ramón began making his way through the crowd and we were right behind him.

Fear gripped me when Ramón began to explain. I knew how Linda thought. She would do anything to get in Alejandro's pants. She had been angry because she wasn't able to fool him into thinking she was me. I should have known she was up to something she had been too quiet lately. He wouldn't think to use the code word because we thought we were safe at the club. When we made it to the back of the club, Ramón had to search the private rooms one by one until we found the one we were looking for. The next to the last room was empty except for Alejandro half naked, passed out on the couch. He was oblivious to what had been done to him or what he had done.

Ramon had to get one of the security guards to assist him in getting Alejandro dressed and into the car. Our night was ruined but I was more concerned about what had actually happened in that room. I decided not to go home that weekend. I spent it with Jenna and when Monday arrived I learned exactly what had happened in that room.

Several pictures had been floating around the school of Alejandro and Linda. Of course, most people thought it was me and Alejandro in the photos. I didn't know how to deal with this latest situation Linda had created. I knew the grimy details like no one else but how could I explain them.

Meanwhile, Linda was red-eyed and crying most of the day and I couldn't understand why. Her reputation had preceded her, she had made it her mission in life to sleep with every guy she came in contact with, so what was the big deal if people believed it was her and Alejandro and not me and him.

When Jenna told me Linda was in the counselor's office with the police. I finally figured out what all the crying was about. She was playing the victim and from the pictures I'd seen, she looked like she was passed out and Alejandro appeared to be taking advantage of her. The counselor thought the pictures were of me and she questioned Linda closely about the situation. Linda proved she was the twin in the picture by showing the counselor the tattoo she had on her inner thigh. It was boldly shown in several of the pictures floating around the school.

Since the police were at the school I knew the feeling that had been plaguing me all day was an omen of bad things to come. There was only one thing I could see Linda doing. Alejandro was about to be charged with rape. Several people at the club had witnessed him leading her into the private room along with several guys saying the pictures fell from his backpack earlier that day. Alejandro was lead from the school in handcuffs amid a storm of paparazzi. His family was influential in Spain and the hawks were set to give the people a juicy bit of drama for the world to see.

Alejandro's parents were devastated at their son's arrest. They flew into the United States and my father brokered a deal with them. If they paid my father five million dollars and Alejandro returned to Spain, they would drop the charges. His parents readily agreed to my father's wishes and Alejandro was on a plane back to Spain the next day. I realized that my father was in desperate need of money having not worked for the last couple of years and this was how they replenished their coffers. Apparently the stipend my grandmother provided for my care wasn't enough to sustain the family. Linda must have told our father that Alejandro came from money and the minute he stopped by the house to see me, they began plotting.

I spent the rest of my senior year avoiding my brothers' lascivious looks once again and submitting applications to every university outside of the state of Illinois. It was my hope to get far away from my family.

I managed to survive my senior year and get out of that house intact but I wasn't allowed to go out of state for college. Instead I attended the University of Illinois at Chicago and lived on campus until Jenna and I got an apartment our junior year.

My parents had a bad habit of checking up on me. They would stop by my apartment unannounced and try to get me to attend family functions. I always declined their invitations. They seemed to know my every move and it annoyed me to no end. I couldn't understand them they paid more attention to me as an adult, than they ever did as a child. It was my plan to have as little contact with my family as possible and I managed that feat while I completed college.

A couple of months before my graduation my mother, father, and brother were killed in a house fire by our brother Keith. Keith had just returned home for the service, he was part of a covert ops team. He had some problems adjusting and received an early discharge. He just snapped one day and killed everyone except for Linda, then he set the house on fire. He fled the country before they realized he was responsible for my family's death. I didn't attend the funeral. My only family had died when I was tweleve years old.

By the time my graduation rolled around, I expected to be celebrating with Jenna. Instead Linda showed up. I hadn't contacted her, so she must have still been keeping tabs on me. She joined us for our graduation celebration but I told her I wanted nothing to do with her after that. I didn't tell her about the Peace Corps but she wrote me while I was in Africa anyway.

I never opened her mail. I always tore it up and threw it in the garbage. I didn't feel completely free of her until I moved to Atlanta and began raising Vanessa.

I stopped reading and looked at Vanessa, "the rest of the letter talks about how she met your father and fell in love before he decided to go to Africa with her. We know that story, so I'll just stop here."

"Wow, that's some history. I would have turned my back on that kind of family as well," said Vanessa.

"It's amazing your mom made it out whole. This letter explains a lot of things, like why my mother liked playing naked hide and seek, why she taught us the dance of 1000 veils, and always made us try on clothes in front of her and father, no matter what age we were. She was grooming us for Family Love. But she made some mistakes along the way.

"Wait a minute, did you say she would have you all try on clothes in front of both of them?" asked Vanessa.

"Yeah, but not always. It's weird now that I think about it, she did it sometimes but not all the time. There were times when our father was home that she'd make us stay in our room. She said it was her special time with our father. Karen thought she was jealous of our relationship with our father. There were times when our father wanted to spend more time with us than with her. He said he was raising little ladies and ladies behaved in a certain manner. Running around with our clothes off wasn't ladylike. He would talk to us about being a lady all the time. They argued about some of our mother's less than motherly childrearing techniques, I remember that now," I said deep in thought.

"Pam are you okay?" asked Chris.

"Yeah, I just finally realize just how sick my mother really is, but she isn't aware that she's sick because she was raised to be this way. But I'm also wondering about the two pictures that I have of my father" I replied.

"What do you mean two pictures?" asked Vanessa.

"Well, there is the one in which he is a doting father when he comes home. He would talk to us, play with us, and teach us to act like young ladies. Then there is this other picture, one in which he would be somewhat abrasive with us, he'd encourage our mother to teach us new things, like modeling our clothes, or the dance of a thousand veils. Karen used to question our mother and father all the time about their contradictory behavior. My mother would just say that there wasn't anything wrong with being adventurous sometimes and she shouldn't ask so many questions."

"So what are you thinking?" asked Chris.

"I'm thinking Vanessa's dad has been pretending to be my father for a long time and Karen figured it out. That's just a thought that flitted through my head. I have a lot swirling around up there right now. This letter has got me going crazy," I said shaking my head.

"Vanessa, I know this seems strange to you but even you can't seem to picture your uncle doing what Pam has accused him of. You have never met your father but you know your Uncle Charles, what do you think after listening to what your mother said?

"Well, you're correct, I know Uncle Charles and I have felt nothing but love and protection from him. I don't believe he molested Karen. Since, I've never met my father and I still believe he is dead, that leaves me at an impasse.

"I guess, I can see where you're coming from. It's hard to believe that your father, dead or alive, could do something so horrendous. We've had a lot thrown at us today," I said.

"Yeah, we need to let you get some rest and Pam needs to come to terms with what she just learned. We're going to go home, but we'll stop by tomorrow, okay," said Chris looking from Vanessa to me.

"That's a good idea. But before you go, Pam please listen to what I have to say. You do realize that it's really not your mother's fault the way she is. She was raised that way. She could have easily snapped and no one was the wiser because of what was being done to her. I don't think your mother is mentally able to understand half of what she has done. Depending on when the abuse started. Just remember that you didn't turn out that way. It's not hereditary, it's a taught behavior. So don't let this situation get the best of you, alright," said Vanessa.

"It's a lot to take in, but I'm going to be okay. It actually gives me some closure in a sense. I've lost that overwhelming urge to be loved by my mother," I said on a slight chuckle. Chris and Vanessa couldn't help but join in.

Chris and I left the hospital. She thought I needed some time to process what I had learned. I had lived some of the madness and some of the things my mother did made sense to me now. It was all in preparation for family love. What I needed now were answers concerning my father. I wanted to know the truth and I knew only one person could give it to me.

I informed Chris of my plan as we were leaving the hospital. "Chris, I'm not ready to go home. I want to stop by my mother's house. She's the only one who can answer the questions that are rambling around in my head."

"Are you sure you can deal with her right now?"

"Yes, reading Veronica's letter gives me better insight into my mother. I've got to try to learn the truth from her. The majority of my childhood was spent with her in that house. She knows exactly what happened to Karen but I've never asked her directly. It's time I did."

"Alright, if you're sure about this?"

"Yes, I am."

"Okay," said Chris solemnly. She pointed her car in the direction of my mother's home.

Chapter 17

Charles and Veronica

Charles and Veronica somberly left the apartment. Silence was their partner as they headed towards the car. They were both submerged in their own personal thoughts.

"Are you headed home?"

"No, I've got to confront Linda. Pam is certain I molested Karen. I have wondered many times what I might have done to make my daughters distance themselves from me. This particular scenario never occurred to me. I can't imagine someone molesting their own child. But it finally explains the cold shoulders and Karen's rebellious nature that took over our household before she committed suicide. I need to know what was going on in that house when I wasn't home," said Charles.

"Charles, I need to tell you something. Since you decided not to read the letter, there are some things about Linda that you still don't know," said Veronica looking nervously at Charles.

A chill went down Charles' spine. He looked over at Veronica and said, "I'm listening."

She rubbed her hands together and looked down. After several moments, she finally built up the courage to tell him everything about his wife. "Linda is unbalanced, she's a nymphomaniac, who likes to have sex with family members," she said in a rush.

"What the hell do you mean? She likes to have sex with her family members. Are you telling me that Linda molested Karen?" said Charles, anger emanating from every pore of his being.

"No, no. Charles calm down and just listen to me for a moment. You didn't let me finish. I never mentioned any of this to you because Linda isn't into girls. She wouldn't go after Karen or Pam sexually. That's not how "Family Love" works. Family Love is a heterosexual act between family members. I knew the girls would be safe from being initiated into Family Love, since our family was killed by our brother Keith and he fled the country. There was no male to teach the girls and no boys to be taught by Linda. I never believed the girls were in danger or I would have told you about this aspect of our family. I'm sorry I never told you. Considering what we have learned about Karen, it turns out I was wrong. I don't know what happened to Karen, but it obviously was horrendous for her to accuse you of molesting her. I just wanted you to know exactly what you would be dealing with when you spoke to Linda today. She isn't willing to give you up. Look at everything she did to you and Joanna when you first started dating. She will try everything to get you into bed with her and you know how long it took you to break free from her sexual maze when you tried to leave her. I think she has been waiting on the right moment to get you back."

Charles looked at Veronica for a moment and thought about what she had just told him. He could see the regret in her eyes and how it weighed on her soul. It explained so much about Linda that he hadn't understood before and it crushed him to think of what might have happened to Karen despite Veronica's assurance that the girls were safe from Linda. They hadn't been too safe because Karen committed suicide after allegedly being molested and Pam believes he was the one molesting her.

He finally spoke, "Well, you would know better than anyone what Linda is capable of. I know you kept it from me because you were hoping she would change but I wish you had been more open with me when we first met."

"We never talked about your relationship. You two seemed to be doing well and I didn't want to bring up the past if she had changed."

"I understand that but after Linda threatened to kill Pam. You could have told me about her, everything about her, not just what you wanted to tell me. I left my child in that home with a mentally unstable person!"

"Charles there was never a right time. Your business was in trouble, Pam hated you and you were constantly on the road," said Veronica tearfully.

"Yeah, I get it. All of the blame doesn't fall on you. But I can't help but think that this situation could have turned out differently if you had been more open. Now I need to face this situation head on and learn the truth once and for all."

"Do you want me to come with you?" asked Veronica nervously.

"No, this discussion is between Linda and me. I'll drop you off at your condo and head over there. She should be home during this time of the day, if I remember correctly," said Charles turning the car in the direction of Veronica's condo. He dropped her off and quickly made his way to Linda's house. He hadn't considered that house his, since he left it some years ago. If he was honest with himself, he hadn't considered it his since Karen died.

Upon his arrival at his old home, he didn't immediately jump out of the car to confront Linda. He sat in the car for several moments looking at the house that had been a joy to live in once upon a time but it soon became a shell of a household when he lost Karen to suicide and Pam to anger. Why hadn't he seen what kind of person Linda was in the beginning? How could he have been so blind to her real personality?

Now he realized that he hadn't been blind to Linda's short comings, he knew them like he knew his own. He and Linda had something in common, the need for sexual gratification and she fed his need throughout their marriage until he realized he needed more. But even once he realized how she controlled him, he still fell under her spell because she knew him better than he knew himself.

Charles thought back to his first meeting with Linda. She was so young and vibrant in a time in his life when he was going through a turbulent storm. She brought light back into his life when he thought he'd never have it again. They met in August of 1988, shortly before Chance was to go to Africa. With his brother leaving for Africa, Charles had felt lost. His contact with his grandmother and Linda would be his only lifeline.

Linda played the shy and innocent role in the beginning of their relationship. She would never let him touch her outside of holding her hand. As he looked back, she had this uncanny ability to mix the truth with a lie to good effect. She told him that she had been a little wild in her teenage years and she wanted better for herself now that she had gotten older and understood the world better. He didn't push her on the issue because he hadn't wanted to lose the light she had brought to him.

He was amazed that she had such a bright light considering she had just lost both her parents and a brother to a fire several months before they had met. She hadn't mentioned her sister, so he assumed she was all alone at that time. He was feeling the loss of his brother, even though he wasn't dead. Chance had crossed him out of his heart because he had left him alone to take care of their grandmother after their grandfather's death. He hadn't even attended the funeral, too ashamed of himself for not being there when his grandfather had needed him most.

His brother just didn't understand, he couldn't bear to look at his grandmother knowing he felt a sense of responsibility for his grandfather's death. If only he had come home sooner, he would have found his grandfather and gotten him to the hospital.

Chance had called him that morning and told him their grandfather wasn't feeling well. He lied and told Chance to go to work, he was on his way. Instead of leaving Jasmine's house and heading home, he had to go one more round. Unfortunately, one round wasn't enough for Jasmine and the time soon escaped him. When he finally made it home his grandfather lay dead on the floor. The heart attack wasn't strong enough to be fatal if emergency care had been provided but Charles wasn't home to see about the old man and he had died.

His world spiraled out of control from that point on. It didn't gain any semblance of balance until he met Linda.

Linda kept the darkness at bay and she wanted the same things that he wanted, to be loved, kids, and to be a part of a family again. He decided it was time for a change in his life and Linda seemed like the perfect person to make that change with at the time.

They dated for three months before they were married. He told Linda about his twin brother Chance and how they hadn't spoken to one another in almost a year. He told her of how he and his brother planned to go to Atlanta and begin their own trucking business. Instead he found himself sharing that dream with his new wife. Their life had been great together in the beginning. Karen was born during their first year of marriage and three years later Pam arrived.

If he really thought about it, he was surprised they hadn't had more kids. Linda was insatiable when they were first married. Now thanks to Veronica's insight, he could see the obsession Linda had with sex and how it had ruled him as well during their marriage.

In the beginning of their marriage he was glad of Linda's sexual experience because she kept him turned on every time he saw her. He had always been the master in the bedroom with other females but with Linda the tables were turned. She was a sexual enchantress. She would take him to heights of pleasure and drop him down to the pits of hell before finally giving him his release. She mastered his body long before he was able to master it.

He was making short runs for his business during that time. He would be excited and horny with anticipation when he would arrive home because there was always something new Linda would introduce him to. He was in a constant state of arousal and his body was Linda's playground. Just the scent of her would bring on an erection. He would be exhausted but his body would rise to the occasion without much effort on her part. She had that kind of effect on him. He soon realized that she controlled him like he used to control women in his dating days.

The sexual haze wore off after Pam was born. They were in their fourth year of marriage and his business was picking up. He started to take longer runs as he expanded his business. That's when he began to notice the little things about Linda's behavior. She was overly sexual to the point of obsession. He would be tired after getting home from the longer runs and Linda would insist on making love. There were times when his body just wouldn't cooperate and she would grow angry with him. She would accuse him of being with other women and determine that was the reason why he couldn't perform with her.

Then there was her handling of the girls. He would often come home and find the girls running around the house naked and he'd admonish her for allowing the girls to run around like wild children. And one of the strangest things she had done doing their marriage was how she would point out little sexual things about the girls, their butt, their chest, or how they were developing. He didn't think anything of it in the beginning but then he came home one day to "Naked Hide and Seek." That was their first serious argument. He put his foot down and told her about how he wanted his daughters raised. In the end she relented but now he believes that it was all an act. Bells should have rung loud and clear after that incident, but he still hadn't seen it.

From that point on things began to go downhill in their marriage. When he came home he would swear someone had been sleeping in the bed with Linda but he could never prove his suspicions. The girls would often talk to him about what they had done and he would be too tired to listen some days but he would force himself to pay attention anyway. Sometimes what they talked about made no sense to him at all and Linda just put it on their active imaginations. He wanted to slow down the expansion of his business but Linda complained about the girls needing things and she was very demanding as well. She would spend money as fast as he could make it, so he stayed on the road trying to make ends meet and keep his family happy.

Then one day his accountant, Will, noticed some discrepancies in his books. A total of fifty thousand dollars was missing from his business account. Will noticed the withdrawals and brought the matter to his attention. The money didn't disappear all at once, it was withdrawn weekly over the space of two months. The only individuals who had access to the amounts of the withdrawals were himself and Linda. They argued about the money but she never admitted where the money had gone. No more lump sums came up missing after that because he stopped her access to the business account. She only had access to the household funds which he deposited the necessary amounts in each month.

The older the girls became the happier they seemed to be when he came home but there was this sense of terror that often emanated from their being as well. They were very guarded around their mother but very open to him when they were alone. Slowly their conversations started to change. When they were younger, they used to tell him about everything they had done. Now they never talked about what they had done at home while he was gone.

There had been times when he had called from the road and the girls seemed to be scared to talk to him or they wouldn't be around for him to talk to. He never questioned it because he was gone so much in the beginning and Linda was their primary care giver. The girls always looked healthy and clean, so there was nothing for him to worry about.

The day he mistook Veronica for Linda at the bookstore changed his life. He had always been open and honest with Linda up until that point. He often blamed himself for the slow deterioration of his marriage in the beginning. Linda knew him so well that any slight change in his demeanor would send alarm bells ringing in her head. When they were first married he loved this trait about her but as the years passed by it annoyed him to no end that he wasn't able to hide even the smallest bit of his personality from her.

He managed to cover up his initial meeting with Veronica by telling Linda he was concerned about his business. It was hard to hide the grief he felt at Chance's loss but he managed to come up with a plausible lie. He told her things had been slowing down and he had to cut some drivers because he lost some clients to competitors. He hoped things would pick up soon and they eventually did but Linda still watched him like a hawk seeking its prey.

By the time the rift happened between him and his daughters, he didn't know them very well at all. Most times he would see them, they were asleep in their beds. When he decided they hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, he just assumed it was because he was never there and had missed some important events in their lives. He believed Karen was especially disappointed because he missed the father-daughter dance she had been looking forward to attending.

Linda always reassured him that it was just a phase the girls were going through and it would eventually pass. He wasn't familiar with dealing with girls, so he took her knowledge as a balm and it eased his soul. Of course, Karen's phase never did pass, she committed suicide when she was thirteen years old.

He was in so much pain after Karen's death that he didn't even acknowledge Pam's continued existence. Pam appeared to be okay with the lack of attention he provided. Linda managed to ease his pain whenever he was home with mind blowing sexual experiences. He fell under her spell once again.

The pain of Karen's loss and his failure as a father, debilitated him during that time. The only escape he could find was in Linda's arms. Her sexual escapades would provide a temporary easing of his pain. She would call him on the phone when he was on the road and fill his head with what she was going to do to him the next time he was home.

As much as Linda eased his pain, the thought of being in the home where their daughter killed herself tormented him anew. So he began to take longer routes just to avoid being in the house Linda refused to sell. At one time, he believed that the sex was a way for her to ease her own pain as well. But after awhile, her calls to him became far and few in between. He assumed she was either over Karen's death or there was someone else in her life relieving the sexual tension she seemed to walk around with on a daily basis. He blamed himself for her sexual indiscretions because he was never around.

His home became a desolate, unwelcoming place. He had a wife who found sexual gratification with others and a daughter who couldn't stand the sight of him. It was easier and more peaceful to hang out with Veronica and Vanessa. With them, Karen's loss didn't seem so near. Vanessa loved him unconditionally and it brought him such joy to see the look on her face when he came to visit.

The more time he spent with Vanessa and Veronica the more he began to see Linda in a different light. He felt guilty at times for comparing the two sisters but there were things he saw with Veronica and Vanessa that he never saw with Linda and Pam.

He realized that not all relationships were the same but there was something missing in the relationship with his wife and their daughter. Pam wasn't affectionate with either of her parents but Vanessa was always hugging and joking with her mother and him. He didn't like to see his daughter so withdrawn and nothing he did to get her to open up ever seemed to get through to her. He realized that he should have done more to get Pam to open up. But he hoped that this particular situation would be resolved soon.

Looking back on his relationship with Linda was a complicated matter. When he realized that he didn't love her and she probably didn't love him, he decided to ask for a divorce. There hadn't been anything between them since Karen's death. They were just going through the motions. He assumed wrongly that she would be willing to give him a divorce since there was someone else in her life. Their sexual escapades had stopped when his body no longer paid heed to her coaxing it alive. With a divorce, they could both get on with living their lives. He learned the truth was far from it. Veronica had tried to warn him to wait until Pam was out of the house but he was too impatient to be free to consider that option and he wanted Pam away from her as well.

When Linda threatened to kill Pam and herself it took the situation to a whole new level. Pam already hated him and wanted nothing to do with him so he assumed she'd want to stay with her mother should a divorce come into the picture. Veronica talked to him and gave him advice on how to handle Linda. He had never been one for acting and didn't know if he could pull it off, but pull it off he did.

There were several arguments with Linda before they decided to try to save their marriage by going to a marriage counselor. He had to admit that trusting Veronica in this matter had worked for him. Linda was such a sexual person and his desire for her had waned when he believed she was having an affair. No matter what she tried, his body would not respond to her.

Their marriage counselor suggested they try role playing in and out of bed to increase their sexual encounters. He still didn't find Linda desirable but in order to fool Linda into believing he was giving their marriage a chance he had to pretend she was desirable and actually commit the sexual acts she wanted. With his eyes closed and his mind on someone else and Linda's hands coaxing his body to respond, he was able to role play his way through the sexual acts.

He no longer saw Linda when it came to sexual encounters, he envisioned one of the female drivers that he had met on the road. She was a sexy, petite woman with curves in all the right places. He already had several fantasies about her and using Linda as her surrogate worked for the time he needed to feign desire for her.

As he continued to go through the motions of his marriage he found himself falling into his own trap. Linda had weaved her spell and he fell prey to her sexual skills once again. She had learned some new tricks since he had been with her and they worked to her advantage. He never told Veronica why it took him so long to break away from Linda but he realized that she already knew. Linda had sunk her claws into him and refused to release him. She had even tried to get pregnant again. Luckily for him he had a vasectomy without her knowledge or he might have still been stuck with her. It took a chance meeting to help him break free of Linda.

When he met Veronica's best friend Joanna his world was turned upside down. It was a year after Pam's graduation. Joanna was leaving Veronica's apartment as he was coming to see her and Vanessa. Joanna carried herself with such poise and grace that it stirred something deep within him, feelings he thought had died with the loss of his oldest child Karen. Just as quickly as Linda had ensnared him, his passion for her died a swift death. Joanna was like a balm to his burning skin. She eased the sexual desire within him so that he could think and see more clearly.

He asked Veronica about her and she gave him Joanna's brief history. Veronica had been trying to get him to get his own apartment and furniture. Once he met Joanna he asked Veronica to assist him in getting his life together.

He had stayed with Linda an extended period of time because he couldn't seem to break away. But soon after meeting Joanna, he began divorce proceedings. It had taken several years with all of the requests Linda had been making and her lawyer's ability to extend the divorce proceedings but he would soon be a free man. Even knowing this, it would take Charles six months to get Joanna to have dinner with him. Veronica assisted him in getting Joanna to give him a chance and now almost two years later they'd soon be married.

His relationship with Joanna wasn't without trials and tribulations. Linda learned that he was seeing someone and went on the attack. She sliced his tires several times on his SUV, she called him at all hours of the day and night and she'd show up at his business causing a scene. It took a court order to get her to stop. He was just thankful that Linda never went after Joanna, she only came after him. Thinking about Joanna pulled him back into the here and now. It was time to face Linda and learn the truth. Charles walked up to the door of his old home and knocked.
Chapter 18

Veronica's Condo

ring, ring,

Veronica rushed over to the phone hoping it was Vanessa or Charles calling. The wait had been killing her. She quickly answered the phone not allowing it to ring a second time.

"Hello."

"Veronica, I really need to talk to you," said Joanna on the verge of tears.

"Sure, is everything alright?" she asked concern laced throughout her words.

"No, everything isn't alright. I don't want to discuss this over the phone. I'm on my way over there," said Joanna on a sob.

"Are you sure you should be driving, you sound really upset. William is on his way over here, I can ask him to swing by your house and pick you up, or I can tell him to come by later and I'll come to you."

"No, I can't wait until you get here and I'd like William to see this as well. Maybe between the two of you, one of you can help me understand this. I'm on my way," she said before hanging up the phone.

Veronica looked at the phone for a moment before she hung it up. She wondered what had happened to upset Joanna so much. She had never seen Joanna cry outside of when she had lost her son and husband in a boating accident. She had always been a strong individual. But just then, Joanna appeared to be on the verge of breaking down. Everything seemed to be coming to a closure and Veronica felt like she was on the precipice of a great big fall. And that's just how Joanna sounded, like she was falling. Veronica wondered what could have happened to send Joanna's emotions spiraling out of control.

The wait was stretching her nerves thin. She got up and began pacing the floor willing the phone to ring, William to arrive, or just anything to happen to get her mind off of Pam and Vanessa reading the letter she had written them and Charles confronting Linda with the information he now had. She hoped they'd all understand that everything she had done was in their best interest.

Just when she thought she'd burst from the wait she heard someone at her door. She raced over and looked through the peephole. It was Charles on the other side. That was quick she thought, perhaps Linda wasn't at the house after all. She opened the door for him and began walking back into the living room.

"What happened? Linda wasn't at home was she?" she inquired and answered her own question in one swift motion. She walked back towards her living room to resume her pacing.

Charles entered the condo and softly closed the door behind him. "No, she wasn't," he replied slipping up behind her. "You smell delicious. What is that perfume you're wearing," he asked lifting up her hair and dropping his face in the crook of her neck.

Veronica jumped away from him, he had startled her so badly. She hadn't realized he was so close until he lifted up her hair and placed his chin on her neck. "It's Boucheron. You should know, you suggested it to William as a gift for Valentine's day." She said turning and looking at him strangely. She gazed at him, and realized something wasn't right about him.

Charles was staring at her, his look was so intense that it actually made Veronica shiver in response. She had known only one person that had that effect on her.

"Veronica, your bodily scent mixed with that perfume is an instant turn on. I've never told you that, have I?" said Charles walking towards her.

"Charles, what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked backing away from him. "You're starting to make me feel very uncomfortable."

"Veronica honey, why would you feel uncomfortable? Why would I, of all people make you feel uncomfortable? It's not as if it would be the first time I've been this close to you. Why are you playing hard to get?" he said walking towards her.

"Charles, when it comes to you and me, I am hard to get. You were married to my sister, hell you're still married to her! Why are you acting this way?" she yelled.

"Veronica, this little role play you've got going is really turning me on. This is the first time you've wanted to role play before we got naked," said Charles unbuttoning his shirt and sliding closer to her.

Some of what Charles had said finally penetrated Veronica's thinking. She looked at him more closely. Charles took her intent look as an invitation and moved in even closer. Veronica found herself stuck between Charles and the wall. He placed his arms on both sides of her body effectively locking her in place. He lowered his face to the crook of her neck once again.

Veronica was immobilized for the moment, unsure of how to proceed. This was a side of Charles she had never encountered before in their lengthy acquaintance.

Charles sniffed her neck before trailing his tongue down her neckline.

Veronica began to shiver in earnest. She was terrified she realized and that realization propelled her into action. She tried to push Charles away from her as she said, "Charles, let me go and get away from me. I don't know what's going through your head but this isn't something I'm willing to pursue with you."

"Why not? It's not like you haven't slept with someone who looks like me," came the reply.

That comment sent a chill down Veronica's spine, she froze on the spot. She looked at Charles more closely and a gasp escaped her lips. "Charles," she said on the verge of tears. There was something in his eyes she had never seen before. "What is wrong? This isn't you. What about you and Joanna?

"Veronica, it's always been you. Joanna was a means to an end, I never loved her," he replied while playing with the front of her shirt.

"Charles, please just tell me what's wrong. Look at me," she said trying to get him to focus. "You can't mean anything that you're saying. You don't want me and you know you can't have me willing," said Veronica attempting to push him away from her once again.

"No, actually I was hoping you'd put up a little resistance, it'll make it all the sweeter when you realize you want to give in," he said before grabbing her by the chin and forcing her face still.

Veronica tried to move her head from left to right but his grip was too strong. She had so many emotions warring within her. She was scared for Charles and what might have made him snap and she was scared Joanna would arrive and find this scene. Joanna was already on the verge of breaking down from their conversation, she didn't want to add to whatever pain she might be feeling.

Charles looked at her and misread the look in her eyes. He took advantage of her confused state and swooped down to capture her lips in a sensual kiss.

Veronica tried to fight it, but he was too strong. She couldn't beat him physically, but mentally she might have a chance. When his tongue swooped down for another attack she bit down hard on it.

It took him a moment to realize what she had done, his sexual haze was strong. But when the pain registered in his mind he jerked back away from her.

She could taste the blood in her mouth and she quickly wiped it onto her sleeve. She noticed he seemed to be recovering and she raced towards the door. She needed to get out of the apartment before he got his wits about him again. She managed to unlock the door and open it before he grabbed her from behind and threw her on the floor. She hit her head on the floor and the movement knocked the wind out of her. He was on top of her before she had gotten her breath back. He grabbed the front of her blouse and ripped it open. Veronica started thrashing and screaming beneath him trying to dislodge him from his position when he was suddenly gone.

"Charles, what the hell has gotten into you?" asked William before he sent his uppercut sailing towards his face. The impact was so strong that Charles crumbled to the floor at William's feet.

William walked over to the couch and grabbed the throw blanket. He placed it around Veronica and helped her to her feet. He walked her over to the couch and sat down with her cradled in his arms. "Are you okay?" he asked as he glanced at Charles laid out on the floor.

"It took her several moments to respond, "yeah, I think I am."

"What's wrong with Charles? Why was he attacking you?"

"I don't know, this makes no sense," said Veronica trying to catch her breath.

They both turned at the sound of movement coming from the doorway. Charles had gotten up and was headed out the door. "Veronica, I love you and always have," was said before he ran out.

"Should I go after him?" asked William starting to get up from the couch.

"No, I don't want to be alone right now," said Veronica.

"Okay, just let me lock the door," he said before heading for the door. He locked it and walked back over to Veronica.

"Tell me what happened," said William.

"I was pacing, worried about what might be happening with Vanessa and Pam reading the letter I wrote when he came knocking on the door. I let him in and then he started coming on to me. He said he didn't love Joanna, that it was always me. But he was acting so strange, I can't imagine Charles behaving that way."

"Did he say anything else?"

"No, nothing besides the fact that he wanted me to fight him," said Veronica. She described the entire seen to William and they tried to reason why Charles was acting in such an uncharacteristic manner. There was a tentative knock at the door, interrupting their conversation.

"Are you expecting someone?" asked William getting up and cautiously walking towards the door.

"Yes, I forgot Joanna was on her way over. She called me upset over something," said Veronica.

William looked through the peephole to see who was on the other side. He spotted Joanna, with a package in her hands and tears streaming down her face. He quickly opened the door and ushered her in the room. Joana had become a good friend and like a little sister to him since he had been dating Veronica, he didn't like seeing her upset like this.

"What's wrong Joanna?" he asked.

"Charles, Charles has called off our engagement. Not that I'd marry him after I got these but I can't believe the way he just disrespected me like we were teenagers on some fling," she said with a rapid flow of tears running down her face.

"What do you mean? Charles wouldn't cancel your engagement, he loves you too much," said Veronica.

"He just did. I saw him leaving your building and I stopped him to ask about these photos I received from him and his wife," she said handing them the folder. "He told me he never wanted to marry me, I was just useful in getting information from. He said he's been after you all this time. He said you'd know how to satisfy him the way Linda does. He actually said double the trouble, double the fun. I can't believe you'd set me up with him and not know how cruel he could be. You and Charles, what kind of sick games have you two been playing?" said Joanna dissolving into a puddle of tears.

William took the package from her and opened it up. There were a dozen photos of Charles and Linda. The photos were dated June 13, just a week ago. William looked at the pictures more closely and realized they were taken in Veronica's bedroom. He turned and looked at Veronica.

"What?" she asked, noting the questioning look he was giving her.

He handed her the pictures. "Explain this," he said ominously.

Veronica examined the pictures closely, she was paying more attention to the people in the picture than to the scene as a whole. So she missed William's reason for being upset. "What is there to explain, it looks like pictures of Charles and Linda, although I doubt that this is Charles in these pictures."

"That's not what I'm referring to, look at the bedroom," said William.

Veronica examined the pictures once again. It dawned on her, why William had suddenly turned so cold. "This isn't me in these pictures and that isn't my bedroom," she said vehemently.

"Veronica, that's your bed. How could Linda get access to your bedroom," said William pointing at the pictures.

Veronica began going through the pictures one by one in search of something that would prove to them that it wasn't her and Charles in her bedroom in the pictures. She spotted something on one of the pictures but she wasn't sure if she was seeing it correctly. She looked more closely at the picture before handing it to William. "William, look at this picture."

"What am I looking for?" he inquired angrily.

"Look at Charles' arms," she said pointing to the picture. "Joanna, calm down and come look at it as well," said Veronica.

Joanna walked over and looked at the picture that William was studying so intently.

"We've all seen Charles with his shirt off, you know the time we went to Virginia Beach. What do you notice about that picture?" asked Veronica.

"It looks like a tattoo is on his arm," said Joanna.

Veronica began examining each picture closely. "Joanna, you were just at Charles' apartment last night. Did you see a tattoo on his arm last night?"

"No," said Joanna looking more closely at the picture.

Veronica was still searching through the pictures for more evidence. She was looking for differences on the bodies of the occupants in each picture. Joanna and William believed that it was her and Charles in the pictures, she knew differently. This is something that Linda would pull. She finally found a picture that would prove her theory. "Look at this picture. Do you see the tattoo of a bunny on her inner thigh."

They both looked more closely at the picture Veronica was showing them. "William, you already know I don't have any tattoos on my body but my sister does. These aren't pictures of me and Charles. They're pictures of Linda and Chance," she said on a gasp. She turned and looked at Joanna. "Joanna the man who just dumped you outside my building wasn't Charles. Charles went to confront Linda. The guy you saw, just attacked me and I think he was my dead husband."

Joanna looked at Veronica and Charles still not comprehending what she was saying.

"The man who just broke off your engagement wasn't Charles, he was pretending to be Charles," said Veronica looking at Joanna.

"But he sounds like Charles, looks like Charles," said Joanna shaking her head in disbelief.

"Yes he does, but I could tell subtle differences in Charles and Chance. That wasn't Charles. Look, let me call and warn Charles. Some of this is beginning to make sense now," said Veronica walking over to the phone. "Pam and Chris said we were at the hospital last night but we weren't. That means that Linda and Chance, have been going around pretending to be me and Charles. He might be headed back to Linda's now."

She grabbed the phone and dialed Charles' cell phone number. She allowed it to ring at least ten times but Charles never picked up the line. "Maybe we should go to Linda's house. If Chance tried to rape me, who knows what he might do to Charles," she said picking up the pictures once again.

There was this nagging thought going through her mind. There was something familiar about the man she was assuming was Chance, something that she always equated with someone else but it wouldn't come to mind right now.

Chapter 19

"Hey handsome, I didn't expect you back so soon," said Linda opening the door. "Did you take care of Veronica?" She inquired turning around and walking back into the house.

Charles wasn't sure what she was talking about. How was he supposed to take care of Veronica? He wondered. "Linda, I don't have time for your games. I've come to talk to you about our daughter. Why don't you go put some clothes on so we can talk?"

Linda did a double take before responding. She sashayed her way to the couch and sat down giving herself some time to think. She thought that Charles was actually Keith returning from attacking Veronica. She hadn't expected him to come so soon to her house. She needed to keep him busy until Keith returned. She tried the only means that had been at her disposal when it came to Charles in an attempt to distract him. She allowed the shoulder to slip off of her robe and opened her legs wide. "Why do I need clothes on? I'm quite comfortable just the way I am. You stopped by my house unannounced remember."

"Unannounced or not, I'm not talking to you dressed like that," said Charles looking around the living room. He spotted a throw blanket on the couch and picked it up. He threw it over Linda's exposed body parts.

She pushed the blanket away. "What's the matter Charles, see something you like?"

"Not in the least," he said turning away. "Linda I have questions for you concerning our time together. I don't have the patience for your games, or your tomfoolery. Just answer my questions. Who molested Karen?"

The statement actually took her off guard. She just knew Pam would never actually accuse him face to face, but she had and now Linda had to think fast. "What do you mean? No one molested Karen. Where would you get such a crazy idea?" said Linda putting her hand to her chest. "My God Charles, that's crazy."

"Is it now really? Pam told me Karen was molested when she was eleven years old, on Christmas day. I wasn't home during that time. So I know damn well it wasn't me. Who did you allow to come into this house and hurt my little girl?" said Charles walking towards Linda.

Linda pushed herself further back on the sofa. She had never seen Charles this angry in all his life. "No one molested Karen, I swear it Charles no one touched our little girl. Karen wasn't right in the head. She used to make up lies and do all sorts of things to Pam when they were younger. I never told you because the time was never right and then Karen died. There was no point in telling you after that," said Linda nervously.

"You're lying Linda," said Charles before he picked her up off the couch. He shook her several times. "Tell me what happened to my little girl." He demanded.

Linda jerked out of his grip and stood before him with a smile on her face. "Why do you care if something happened to Karen? You were never around to protect her if something did happen to her."

Charles' grabbed her again.

"Charles let me go."

"Veronica told me about "Family Love". I know you let someone hurt Karen. You're going to tell me the truth, even if I have to choke it out of you."

Linda's eyes got big at his words. Charles released her arms and grabbed her around her throat. "Who hurt our little girl? Who did despicable things to her in the name of your so called Family Love? That's not family love, that's incest, plain and simple," yelled Charles, the rage had a hold of him and his grip got tighter around Linda's neck the more he thought about Karen.

He was so focused on choking the life out of Linda that he didn't hear the back door open or see the man enter the room. Charles was put into a sleeper hold and dragged off of Linda.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" said a voice sounding remarkably like his own.

"Let me go, and I won't hurt you along with her," said Charles struggling against the arms holding him.

Linda had fallen back down on the couch. She was looking at Charles and trying to catch her breath.

"You couldn't hurt me if you tried," said the man as he released Charles.

Charles turned to look at the man who had just released him. His intent was to strike first and ask questions later but he stumbled backwards when he beheld his own face. It took him several minutes to speak and the only words forthcoming were, "You're dead."

"I think the air coming in and out of my body would dispute that notion, as well as my body standing here and not six feet under."

"You died in Africa. Veronica mourned your death," said Charles confusion displayed on his face.

"Actually, you're right. Chance died in Africa. But I'm not Chance," said the man.

"Then who the hell are you?" asked Charles trying to make sense of the picture before him.

"I'm Keith, but I'm not going by that name any longer," said Keith.

Charles turned to Linda. "Who the hell is this guy?" he asked.

Linda stood up, no longer afraid of Charles. She smiled and said, "he's you. He's always been you. When you continued to take routes during our marriage, it provided us with the perfect cover. He would come by and pretend to be you. The girls were none the wiser. Things were going quite well until Keith initiated Karen into family love. Karen was too old when he tried to introduce her to the art of making love to a man. She hadn't been trained like I was trained. Look at me. Father trained me well. He started me very young, what was I, two/three. He made me feel comfortable with my body. He made me feel comfortable with sex. He always gave me pleasure and he taught my brothers Keith and George how to pleasure a woman correctly. "

Charles stood there transfixed at her words. He listened to the words spilling out of Linda's mouth in disbelief.

"No matter what Keith tried, Karen was never receptive to him. Then Karen got suspicious. She was always too smart for her own good. She started noticing the differences between Keith and you. She actually questioned me about you. That's when I knew she realized that Keith wasn't you."

"I couldn't risk her telling someone, or worse yet, telling you. I'm a wanted man. I had no plans on going to jail."

"What the hell do you think is going to happen now? Jail is the last place you have to worry about," said Charles with more calm than he was feeling.

"Oh, I'm not worried about going to jail. I'm you remember. As Charles Columbus, I haven't done anything illegal," said Keith pulling out a gun.

"It's not going to work. I'm engaged to be married, Joanna will know something is wrong, so will Veronica. She knows I would never get back with Linda."

"We have that covered. Keith paid Veronica a little visit today pretending to be you. She won't want anything to do with you after you attacked her in her apartment. And, as for your sweet little fiancé she believes you've been cheating with Veronica behind her back. She'll drop you like a bad habit once she receives the pictures we took."

"Why after all this time? You could have replaced me with Keith long ago."

Linda began circling him as she said, "things were working out fine until you decided you wanted a divorce. We could have stayed just as we were, Keith pretending to be you, you coming home sporadically. I had a man to support me and a man to take care of my needs. But once you decided a divorce was in order, we had to change our game plan. Keith had to learn your trade so that he could easily slip into your roll at the trucking business. He'd play that role for a short while. Just long enough to sell the business off," said Linda in his ear.

"I won't let you get away with destroying my family," said Charles grabbing Linda and placing her in front of him.

"Let her go!" yelled Keith.

"Drop the gun or you can watch me choke the life out of her," said Charles wrapping his hands around Linda's neck once again.

Keith looked on in horror, unsure of what to do. Linda grabbed Charles hands and tried to pull them away but she lacked the strength. Keith dropped the gun and charged them, knocking them to the floor.

Charles released Linda and began struggling with Keith. Linda was sandwiched between them. Keith released Charles and pushed Linda out of the way. Charles scrambled back and went for the gun. Keith realized what he was about to do and he dove for the gun as well.

Keith reached the gun first but Charles was already on him. They rolled around on the floor struggling to get the upper hand. Linda was backing away from them when the gun went off. She crumbled to the floor.

Keith let out a cry of rage and yanked the gun away from Charles. "You're going to die a slow death for killing my Linda." Keith raised the gun and shot Charles in the stomach. Charles fell back clutching his stomach. Keith ran to Linda and kneeled down before her, cupping her head in his hands.

"I'm sorry Lenny," he said using the nickname from their childhood. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry." He gathered her in his arms and held her close watching as she took her last breath. He picked her up and carried her to the couch, gently laying her there. He walked back to the spot where he had laid his gun and grabbed it. He approached Linda's lifeless body once again. He saw the blanket she had discarded earlier and grabbed it. He picked her up once again and set her in his lap then he laid the blanket on top of them. Chris and I entered the living room as he began to talk to Linda.

"Lenny, I'm sorry I failed you. I tried to make things right for us, so that it could be just me and you. I can't live without you. I won't live without you. You were my whole world."

Chris and I entered the house and found who I thought was my father cradling my mother in his arms. "Dad, what are you doing?" I asked shocked to see my mother in his arms. He held a gun in one hand. Chris and I had heard the guns shots and rushed to get inside the house.

Keith held the gun up to his head. "Pam the daughter that got away. I used to wonder if Karen told you what she suspected before she died. You never wanted to be around me after her death. I wanted so badly to initiate you into family love but Linda wouldn't allow it. She didn't want to risk you learning the truth as Karen had."

"What are you talking about? Dad why don't you put the gun down and we can talk about it."

"Dad, such an inappropriate name to be calling me, Karen realized it but I guess you never did," he said before glancing over at Charles prone body on the floor. "I'm not your father," he said before pulling the trigger.

I turned away just before he pulled the trigger, my eye catching movement to my side. The gun shot rattled my nerves and an involuntary scream came out. Chris didn't fare so well, she had watched him pull the trigger. She collapsed right next to me.
Chapter 20

William pulled his car into the empty parking spot two houses down from Linda's. The neighborhood looked deserted for this time of day. They got out of the car and spotted Charles' car in front of the house. The eerie quiet of the block began to unsettle them and they rushed to the front door of Linda's house. Veronica and Joanna had both tried to reach Charles several times with no success. They were scared of what they might find at Linda's home.

William reached the door first just as a gun went off. There was someone screaming inside. William pounded on the door in such a way that it shook under the blows. The last time he hit the door it swung open from the force of his knock. William looked at the ladies and told them to wait for a moment while he checked things out.

Veronica got on the phone and called the police. Once the call was made, they entered the house.

The house was deathly still, signaling the lifeless existence of those within. They found Pam standing at the door to the living room, frozen in time. Chris was lying at her feet. William walked over to her and asked in a soothing voice," Pam, are you okay?" She didn't respond.

Veronica came rushing into the room with Joanna. None of them were aware of the view Pam was currently blocking. Their minds were solely upon Pam's motionless state. Veronica walked around Chris' body and stood in front of Pam. "Pam, are you okay?" she asked.

Joanna had kneeled down to check on Chris and found her slowly coming out of her faint.

William had walked further into the living room and noticed the bodies of Linda and Charles. "Veronica, Joanna, please get the girls out of here, don't look over here, whatever you do, don't look in this direction," he said quietly.

Veronica turned towards William and noticed the blood spatter. She gasped and quickly turned away.

"I told you not to look," said William. He grabbed the blanket and covered the bodies.

Chris finally got to her feet with the help of Joanna.

"Chris are you alright?" asked Joanna.

"I'm fine, I just need to get Pam out of here," said Chris shakily.

Pam stood staring beyond Veronica at the bodies on the couch, "He said he wasn't my father."

"What is she talking about?" asked Veronica.

"The man on the couch said he wasn't her father before he killed himself," said Chris gently pulling on Pam. "Pam come go outside with me, you don't need to be in here." She escorted Pam out of the house.

"William, who is under that blanket?" asked Joanna.

"I know for sure it's Linda, the other person, I'm not so sure of. He shot himself in the head."

"Is it Charles?" asked Veronica.

"It might be," replied William solemnly. He looked around the living room and spotted a leg peeking out from the dining room. He quickly moved in that direction. Veronica was hot on his heels. Veronica recognized the clothes Charles had worn to Pam's house and called out his name as she rushed to his side.

"Charles, are you okay?" she asked kneeling down next to him. Fearing the worst, she cautiously turned his body over and saw that he was bleeding.

"Veronica apply some pressure to ease the flow of blood, Joanna, go find some towels, we need to stop the bleeding," said William jumping into action. "I'll call for an ambulance." He pulled out his cell phone and began making the necessary calls while Joanna got the towels and Veronica applied pressure to the wound.

Joanna scoured the house looking for a linen closet. She went to the second floor and started opening doors. The first room she came to was a bedroom looking remarkably like Veronica's. She continued to open doors until she found the linen closet. She searched through it and found several big white, fluffy towels which she brought back into the dining room. She rushed over to William extending the towels out to him. William was vigorously attending to Charles. He had located the gunshot wound and was applying pressure to help slow the bleeding. He took one of the towels and pressed it against Charles' wound and held it there.

"How are we going to explain this to the police?" asked Veronica.

"For now, we need to keep it simple. His twin attacked you and we fought him off, then we believed he was headed here to harm Charles so we rushed over to check out the situation. We found Charles shot and Linda and Charles' twin dead on the couch," said William.

Veronica took off her scarf and folded it, she created a pillow to lay beneath Charles head. He was still breathing but his breath's were shallow.

"Charles the ambulance will be here any moment, just hold on," said Joanna.

William examined the towel and noticed the flow of blood seemed to be letting up. He realized he had staunched the flow of blood and breathed a sigh of relief. He spoke to Charles in a soothing voice, "Charles squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

Charles squeezed his hand. William was happy to see that there was some strength behind his squeeze. "Can you tell us who shot you?"

Charles took a deep breath before replying. "She called him Keith, but he looked just like me. I thought he was Chance at first."

Veronica sucked in her breath at the name Charles had just spoken. Keith was their brother the one who assisted Linda in setting up Alejandro all those years ago. She had thought he was still living abroad trying to avoid prosecution for their parents' and brother's death. Keith and Linda had always been the closest out of the family so she didn't understand why he would kill Linda.

"Keith would never do anything to harm Linda. I think they have been in love with each other all their lives. I can't imagine what would make him go off like this and kill Linda now."

Charles interrupted Veronica, in short staccato burst he said, "It was an accident, we were fighting over the gun."

Joanna had been pacing the floor awaiting the arrival of the ambulance when Charles spoke. She heard the screech of tires and announced the arrival of the police and ambulance.

Two police officers entered the residence with their guns drawn. "Let me see your hands," said the lead officer.

Veronica and Joanna held their arms up, while William continued to apply pressure to Charles' wound.

"I'm trying to stop the bleeding. I can't hold up my arms officer," said William gesturing down at Charles lying beneath him.

The two officers acknowledged Williams statement with a shake of their heads. "Is there anyone else on the premises?"

"No, I don't think so. When we found them here we called the police and an ambulance," said Veronica.

"We're going to check out the rest of the house, the EMT's are gathering their things and should be in here momentarily," said the lead officer heading towards the back of the house. By the time the police were done searching the house the EMT's were coming through the front door.

The two officers re-entered the living room. "Can either of you tell us what happened?"

"He said his twin did it. We found Linda and the twin on the couch and Charles in here when we arrived," said Veronica.

The police officer walked over to the couch and looked under the cover. "She's your twin, isn't she?" asked the second cop gesturing towards Linda's lifeless body.

"Yes, Charles came over here to talk to her about their daughter. His twin attacked me at my condo and William saved me but he got a way. We tried calling Charles to warn him but we couldn't reach him by cell phone so we drove over here to see what was going on."

"This is Charles on the floor, right?" asked the officer. "You said your twin shot you and Linda over there, then killed himself?" asked the officer gesturing towards Linda's lifeless body.

"Yes," said Charles in a whispered shout.

"Why did he shoot you and Linda?"

The paramedics took over before Charles could respond. They began working on him and soon had him on the gurney and ready for transport. "Sorry officers, we need to get him to the hospital, he's lost a lot of blood. You'll have to continue your questioning at a later time," said one of the EMTs before rolling the gurney out of the house.

The police brought Chris and I back into the house but they couldn't get heads or tails out of me. Chris insisted she be allowed to take me to the hospital, it appeared that I was suffering from shock. The police released us as well as Joanna but Veronica and William were held over for questioning. None of us understood the full scope of the situation at that time.

It was two hours later when the police finally released William and Veronica. The police had questioned them about what happened at Veronica's condo and everything they knew of the situation at Linda's house. William and Veronica did their best to answer all of the officer's questions but there was still so much they didn't know. They headed straight to the hospital where Charles had been taken.

****

When William and Veronica arrived at the hospital they learned that Charles was in surgery and I was being admitted for shock. The doctors were optimistic that Charles would be alright. If William hadn't been able to staunch the flow of blood, he might not have made it. I, on the other hand had a less than favorable prognosis. The doctors weren't sure if or how I would come out of shock. The only family I had left waited around patiently, hoping the doctor's prognosis for my dad was correct and mine would change.

The wait for the surgery to end was interminable. They didn't breathe a sigh of relief until the doctor came out of the surgery ward to inform them that my father would be okay. He was moved to the recovery ward and would eventually be moved up to his own private room once the doctors were comfortable the danger had passed. They waited around for a while until Joanna was allowed to see him in recovery.

Chris stayed with me over night. I had not said a word since leaving the house and this made the doctors and Chris a little nervous. With the good news about my father and the less than favorable news about me, Veronica and William headed home, promising to stop by the following day.

Chapter 21

It took two and a half days before I finally came out of shock. My father was doing much better and Vanessa was finally released from the hospital. Veronica and William caught Vanessa up on events as best as they could, considering their limited information. My doctors demanded I stay in the hospital an extra day, after I learned that my father was still alive and his brother was dead. They weren't sure how I'd take the news. I took it extremely well considering all that had happened.

Two days after my release we were all gathered in my father's room trying to puzzle out the reason behind this madness. My father was on the mend and I had officially met his fiancé. Veronica decided to announce her engagement that day as well.

My father told us everything he had learned before he was shot. It turned out that Keith was obsessed with Family Love and Linda used his obsession to her advantage. Many times when my father was away on road trips, Keith would be with Linda pretending to be my father. We had no idea of the switch being made in our daily lives. My father believes it began around the time when I was seven. A year or two before money had come up missing and Linda was the one responsible for its disappearance. She never told him what she did with the money, now he knew. Keith used it to get plastic surgery. They had similar builds so it was easy for him to slip into the role of Charles Columbus, pretending to be someone else was part of his special ops training.

When my father's business began losing money, it gave them the perfect opportunity to slip Keith into the picture. My dad had to start back driving to help recoup the losses so he was gone a lot. Of course this was around the time that Karen received her special Christmas gift.

Keith and Linda were fine with the situation as it was in the beginning. My dad was away all the time and he could be with Linda. He was in love with Linda. Linda was happy with the status quo because she got the best of both worlds, a man to take care of her financially and Keith to take care of her sexually. Linda didn't realize that she had helped create the monster that would eventually kill her, until it was too late. The only good thing that came from Linda in this whole mess was that she kept Keith away from me when I was a child.

Chris and I had begun cleaning my mother's home and we found another piece of the puzzle when we cleaned her bedroom. I picked up the story where my father left off.

Linda had begun training me and Karen in family love when we were younger until my father ended it after the "Naked Hide and Seek" incident. Keith blamed my father for preventing them from following through on training us in family love. As a result of our lack of training, Karen wasn't ready for her first sexual experience, because my father had messed up everything according to Keith's way of thinking. When Karen realized that Keith wasn't my father, they knew they had to get rid of her. Linda had no plans of losing her current lifestyle. They drugged our dinner with sleeping pills. I was put to sleep and Karen was given more pills and placed in the bathtub. It looked like she overdosed and drowned. Given her troubled behavior, it was assumed she had killed herself.

There was a layer of guilt that seemed to taint the situation. Veronica couldn't get over the fact that if she had only told our father everything about her family, then Karen would have been safe. But I told her, who would have thought that Linda would actually talk her brother into having plastic surgery so that he could pretend to be her husband and train her daughters in Family Love.

My mother's diary revealed another aspect of their plan. Before Keith had been Chance, he was Trevor. After he killed their family, he used his skills from special ops training to alter his appearance. He passed himself off as Trevor and tried to date Veronica.

Veronica was glad she had followed her first mind when she had met Trevor, she knew there was something familiar about him but she couldn't put her finger on it. She never knew how much of a bullet she had dodged until that day.

When we learned the whole convoluted plan of Keith and Linda, we came together as a family and realized that we all had some forgiving and rebuilding to do.

Veronica suggested my father and I attend counseling sessions together. Considering all the things we had learned about our past, it seemed like a good idea to me. I couldn't just wash away years of hate, anger, despair, and longing in one afternoon. My father almost bulked at the idea but Joanna talked him into it. I have high hopes for my future and for once I'll have a family to provide me with support and love.
Epilogue

Two months later

I stood at the front of the church looking at the processional coming my way. Less than three months ago, I couldn't imagine the scene before me. The sessions with the therapist have been going well with my father and me. The many questions I once had, no longer haunt me. It's a brand new life that I have before me. I am finally at peace as I watch them.

The brides and grooms strolled down the aisle together in a different ceremony from usual. Charles gave away Veronica and William gave away Joanna. Vanessa, Jessica, Joanna's daughter, and I were the brides maids. The reception was held at the Hilton Garden Inn. It was a festive occasion full of love and laughter. We were all on the mend and looked forward to being together as a family from that day forward.

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"Extraordinary Reflections"

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Chapter 1

Having night fright saved her life! Katrina shot straight up in bed. Her heart pounded at a staccato beat. She clutched her comforter to her chest and began taking slow deep breaths, trying to calm her rampaging heart. Slowly her heartbeat returned to normal. She glanced at the clock on her night stand, it was 3:31 a.m.

She had no clue what had awakened her, but she was up now. She looked around her bedroom and found it encased in shadows. She closed her eyes for a couple of seconds then opened them again. As her eyes began to focus, she could make out several things in the room. The closet door came into focus along with her dresser and mirror.

She could finally tell what most of the things in the room were, yet the room still unsettled her. She laid back down. She tried to figure out why she'd shot straight-up in bed in the first place, when she heard it. Drawers were being opened and closed in the living room. Someone was in the apartment and he was rambling through their things. The soft voice murmuring "shit!" Propelled her mind into overdrive. Allison was out of town for the weekend so it wasn't likely she'd brought someone home. Furthermore, Allison was a stickler for the rules, if she was inviting company over, she would have informed Katrina well in advance.

Katrina's heart began its' staccato beat again. Thoughts were flowing through her head at an alarming rate. There was someone in her apartment and they were looking for something. She looked around her room, searching for unwanted intruders. Why is someone breaking into our apartment? Do they think we have stuff worth stealing? Who cares, I need to get out of here.

Katrina sent up a prayer of thanks to the man above when she remembered there was a fire escape outside her bedroom window. She quickly crept out of bed trying not to make a sound. She slipped on her house shoes, crossed to the window grabbing her cell phone, car keys, and cross-body bag in the process. The rambling seemed louder to her ears and she could hear footsteps. She realized the intruder was making his way down the hall toward her bedroom. The footsteps changed course causing Katrina to release a sigh of relief. The rambling started again, this time much closer. The intruder was in Allison's room. It wouldn't take him long to realize there was nothing in there.

Katrina looked at the bedroom window. It was slightly cracked open. "Now is not the time for this window to creak, Lord please let it open smoothly," she sent up a silent prayer. She pulled on the window and it soundlessly slid up. She climbed out the window and slowly lowered it, leaving it slightly cracked. She stood on the fire escape for several seconds weighing her options, she couldn't decide whether to go up or down the fire escape. If she went down, she might run into whoever was in her apartment. Concluding that running into burglars in a dark alley wouldn't be a good idea, going up seemed like a safer choice.

Katrina climbed to the third floor of the fire escape, but still didn't feel safe. She climbed one more flight of the fire escape before sitting down to call the police. Each number she pressed on her cell phone key pad sounded like thunder to her ears considering the stillness of the night. She noticed she was shaking. She became more nervous the longer the police took to answer. Just when Katrina thought she'd lose her mind, the call was picked up.

"911, state your name and emergency".

"My name is Katrina Castillo. Someone just broke into my apartment at 921 Russet Street Apartment 2C."

"And where is the intruder now?"

"He's still in my apartment. Can you please send someone?"

"Where are you now Ms.?"

"I am on the fire escape on the fourth floor of my building."

"I'm dispatching a car to you now. Stay on the line with me."

Katrina held the phone close to her ear and began taking deep, even breaths trying to calm herself down. After taking several deep breaths, she began to notice a burning smell. She cautiously took another deep breath to confirm her suspicions. "Hey, ma'am, ma'am!"

"Yes, miss, calm down, you need to stay calm."

"I smell smoke!"

"Do you see any smoke or flames?" asked the dispatcher.

"No, but I smell smoke and its getting stronger," Katrina stood up and walked a couple of steps down the fire escape. The smell of smoke was getting stronger. She moved to the third floor and leaned down, there was a red glow coming from one of the windows in her apartment.

"My apartment's on fire!"

"I'm dispatching the fire department. You need to get off of the fire escape now!" said the dispatcher.

"But what if the intruder is downstairs waiting on me?"said Katrina as she cautiously began to move down the fire escape.

"You should be hearing sirens any second now. The intruder will leave when he hears the police sirens. Your common burglar runs when interrupted during a burglary, he won't stick around," replied the dispatcher.

"What if he isn't a common burglar?" replied Katrina, stopping her downward descent.

"Ma'am, only 10% of home invasions end in death, but 25% of fires end in death due to smoke inhalation. I can hear the sirens through your phone. Get off that fire escape!"

Katrina began climbing down the fire escape as quickly and quietly as humanly possible. She was so nervous she dropped her cell phone. She looked down to see where it had fallen. She faltered for a moment, she was about to change her mind and stay on the fire escape. Her psyche told her she might need to call 911 again and her phone was on the ground. She continued the rest of the way down the fire escape. When she reached her phone she noticed that the call to 911 had disconnected during the fall. The police might be on their way, but they're not here now. It would be just my luck the intruder is hanging around waiting on me, she thought. She slowly sneaked towards the front of the building and peeked around the corner. All was quiet except for the screeching sirens heading in her direction. There was no one on the streets. Katrina was about to step out of the alley and onto the street when the front door of her apartment building forcefully swung open. A short hooded figure ran out of the building and headed north, in the opposite direction of the sirens. She didn't get a good look at the individual, but noted that the figure appeared male. He was short and muscularly built. She watched the individual as he turned the corner.

A police cruiser screeched to a halt in front of her a minute later.

"Ma'am are you Ms. Castillo?"

"Yes, a man just left the building. He went that way and turned the corner!"

"Can you describe him?" asked one of the officers.

"He was short, and had on a dark hoodie and dark pants, the clothes could have been black, but I'm not sure. I didn't get a look at his face, but he looked muscular. His upper part of his body was bigger."

The officer grabbed his radio and relayed the information to dispatch. He was turning to get back in the car when Katrina remembered the apartment.

"Officer! My apartments on fire!" she nearly yelled.

"Are all you neighbors home?

"Yeah, there are mostly older couples in my building. They rarely go out at night. The only person that might be gone is Mr. Peterson in 3B. He works midnights at the Morae Hotel."

"Sampson, we need to get these people out of the building!"

"I'm on it O'Bryan," said Officer Sampson as he ran to the building and started pushing people's doorbells.

"Ms. Castillo we need you to wait by the police car."

"Sampson, I'm going to knock on doors while you ring the bells in case someone doesn't wake up, dispatch has already notified the fire department and they should be here any minute." Officer O'Bryan ran into the building. Katrina walked over to the cruiser scanning the street a she did so. It would be just her luck that the intruder came back while the police were busy evacuating her building.

The sound of sirens was getting louder. The fire department arrived and assisted in the evacuation of the building. Katrina stood next to the police cruiser, in mild shock from the nights' events. Several of her neighbors had come over to see how she was doing and to commiserate on the events of the night.

The fire department announced that it was safe for residents to go to their apartments to gather a few things. The fire chief insisted they find alternative sleeping arrangements for the night. The fire chief informed them that all residents would be able to return to their apartments on tomorrow evening. Katrina and Allison would have to find alternative sleeping arrangements until the apartment was repaired.

Most of the residents of the building were just milling around. No one appeared ready to re-enter the building. Katrina was watching as Mr. Carr comforted Mrs. Carr, when she noticed two Detectives approaching her. One of the detectives was Caucasian with blonde hair, green-eyes, about 5'11 with an athletic build. The other detective was African American, about 6'3, muscular, brown eyes and light complexioned. Both were wearing identical looks on their faces. Suddenly a vehicle pulling up behind them, caught her eye. It was the coroner's van. Someone hadn't made it out of the fire safely after all.

Katrina looked around to see which of her neighbors might be missing from the crowd. She saw Mr. and Mrs. Green from apartment 2A, Mr. and Mrs. Carr from apartment 2B, the Johnsons from apartment 3A, the Bronsworth from apartment 3C, and the owner of the store Mr. Charles who lives in the apartment behind his store. Katrina let out a sigh of relief, all of her neighbors were accounted for, no one seemed to be missing. But why is the coroner's van here? she thought. Katrina dropped her head and said a silent prayer for the poor soul that had been lost in the fire.

"Excuse me, Ms. Castillo, I'm Det. Johns and this is Det. Christian. We were wondering do you have a roommate?" said the detective.

"Yes, she went to D.C. today to visit her parents, she'll be back late Sunday night."

"Did you have company staying over tonight?" asked Det. Johns.

"No, why?"

"What is your roommate's name?" asked Det. Christian.

"Allison Kessing, why?" she asked in vexation.

"Do you have a picture of your roommate Ms. Castillo?" asked Det. Johns.

"Yes, why?" asked Katrina. She was starting to feel like a ping pong ball going back and forth between these two. They continued to ask questions but never answered any.

"Ms. Castillo, there was a female body found in your apartment, partially burned. We need to determine if it is your roommate's." said Det. Christian.

"Allison left this afternoon, I dropped her off at the airport myself, it can't be her! Katrina started shaking. She couldn't believe what the detectives were saying. It wasn't Allison she thought. It couldn't be, she prayed.

"Ms. Castillo, I need you to calm down, and locate the picture that you have of your roommate."

Katrina frantically searched her cross over bag trying to find her wallet as quickly as possible. When she finally located it she pulled it out so fast that it fell to the ground. She bent to pick it up but her hands were shaking so badly that she dropped it again.

"Ms. Castillo, I can get that for you, just hold on a minute, take some deep breaths, it's going to be okay," said Det. Johns. He reached down and picked up her wallet, some money and two pictures fell out of it. He retrieved those from the ground. "Is this your roommate?" he asked pointing at a picture of Allison and herself during homecoming at State University last year.

"Yes, that's Allison."

"This isn't the body we found upstairs in your living room, Ms. Castillo," said Det. Christian.

Katrina's entire body relaxed and a sigh of relief escaped her lips. Allison was alright. Her calm state was short lived before she asked the inevitable question, "Then who is it?"

*****

The Guardian watched the scene unfold. He watched them leave the building. He recognized one of them immediately. He watched as Katrina crept through the alley and then jump back as the last assailant left. She hadn't seen the first one leave the building. He watched as the fire department made it in time to save the building. He watched Katrina as she was leaning against a squad car looking beautiful and distraught at the same time. She had made it safely from the apartment. He was relieved to find his one foray into her apartment had saved her life. The mechanism that had jolted her awake would have to be removed from her bed before the police found it. He refocused his attention on the scene before him. He watched her say a silent prayer for the lost soul. He has watched her do so many things these last six years. He has enjoyed watching her. Taking care of her without her knowing he was doing it. Now that the entire scene had unfolded he knew tonight's event was only the beginning, there was so much more to come and he would be there for it all.

"In the Beginning"

Chapter 1

"Beginnings"

St. Thomas the Apostle Church was quiet this time of day. No sounds emanated from any part of the church. Most of the parishioners, who attended St. Thomas, were at work. It wasn't very often that a parishioner would come in during the week for confession. Father MacArthur might have a lost soul or two come in but not too often.

Knowing the workings of his neighborhood, he sat undisturbed in the confessional, thinking on the many blessings that the Lord had bestowed upon his parishioners this year. A smile of joy crosses his face as he reminisces on little Marvin Sampson running into the church excitedly last week. Marvin was coming to show him his latest report card. He had finally gotten a "B" in reading, a subject he had struggled with all school year long. The joy that encompassed Marvin's face was proof enough that the programs the church had set in place were helping the community.

Father MacArthur was dragged away from his musings by footsteps. The footsteps were almost imperceptible, they were so light but sound carries in old churches like this one, so he was able to hear them. Suddenly, it sounded like the person had changed his or her mind. The footsteps appeared to be growing fainter and moving in the opposite direction.

He focused his mind once again on the many blessings that his parishioners had received and were still receiving this year when the footsteps grew louder once again. Whoever was coming to see him seemed to have resolved their uncertainty. Their steps were more purposeful and sure as they neared the confessional. He decided to let go of his musings for now and sat patiently waiting on the individual to enter the confessional.

The confessional door swung open and a young lady of no more than fifteen, by Father MacArthur's estimates, entered the confession booth. She had the freshest face of youth he had seen in some time. The world hadn't beaten her down and cast her hopes aside just yet, but he sensed the turmoil within her. He had never seen her before, so he knew she wasn't one of his many parishioners.

"Good afternoon my child," he said in a welcoming voice, settling more comfortably in his seat.

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned. Oh, I'm sorry, please forgive my rudeness. Good afternoon father. This is my first time at confession and I don't know where to begin. I've often heard people on television beginning their confessions in this manner, so I assumed it was okay to begin that way. I'm not catholic by religion, but I am seeking solace in this holy place of worship," she said in a near whisper almost tripping over her words.

"It's alright my child. What seems to be troubling you?" asked Father MacArthur. He was curious as to what this young lady might need to confess to at such a young age.

"Father, I'm not as young as you might think and I'm unsure of where to begin. There is so much that I have to repent for and I'm not sure if everything that I have done is a sin," she said somewhat unsure of herself.

Father MacArthur jumped at the realization that she knew what he was thinking. He shook off the eerie feeling she had suddenly given him and addressed the young lady once again. "The beginning is always a good place to start. It will make it easier for you to tell me what you've done and we can determine if it is a sin or not, alright my dear," he said from his side of the confessional. He adjusted his sitting position once again to give himself time to settle down and pay attention to the young lady's words. He was familiar with the issues of teenagers so he prepared himself to listen to the normal woes that teenagers spilled during confession. I stole some money from my mom, I snuck out of the house to hang out with a boy my parents don't approve of, I stole some liquor from my parents' liquor cabinet or I stole a pair of pants from Marshall Fields. He was used to these types of confessions. So he sat patiently waiting on the young lady to begin. What followed was a confession so bizarre and incomprehensible that it would cause Father MacArthur to question his own sanity for beginning to believe the tale.

Agnes began her tale in a soft yet forceful voice. "Okay, I'll start at the beginning. My name is Agnes and I am twenty-four years old. My life turned out very different from what I had originally planned. My dad used to say that "In life, you will always have choices to make. Make sure you can live with them." Well, I'm currently paying penance for the choices that I made and I am learning to live with them. You must understand father, I was born with talents that turned into curses. Talents that can be wonderful, and burdensome all at the same time. Many of the choices I would make in life weren't always conscious ones.

My mother used to tell me to "be careful what thoughts flow through your head, they might end up in your subconscious. Your subconscious is the last place you want certain thoughts to end up." It turned out that my subconscious mind is a very dangerous thing. I learned this at a very early age.

Excerpt from

Malevolent Chronicles:

"High School"

Chapter 1

Agnes sat at the window, binoculars in hand, watching the street in front and along the sides of St. Thomas Church. She'd made it a habit, these past few months, to never stay in one place too long. She's been in the city for more than a month and it was getting more dangerous by the day for her to remain. It was a necessity for her to speed up the process with Father MacArthur or she'd really be running the risk of getting caught.

She knew that the longer she stayed in the city, the more the likelihood of Dr. Johnson and his crew finding her. She doesn't have the inexhaustible resources that the good doctor currently has at his disposal. She knows Father MacArthur can help her but she's not sure he's willing to assist her at this time. As she sat at the double windows, monitoring the scene below, thoughts continuously bombarded her psyche. Was she making the right choice by remaining in the city, should she move on or try to get father MacArthur to do what she needed him to do for her? So many questions, yet she didn't have the time or the luxury to provide the answers.

She continued her vigil at the window, her thoughts going over the stories she'd already told father MacArthur about her past. The stories he's heard were ones that made her seem more like an avenging angel trying to right wrongs than an evil person. She knew the father probably thought she'd never hurt anyone intentionally, that it was all in her subconscious mind but she knew better. That's why she had to tell him this next story and the one after that. Once he could see her at her best and worst, perhaps he would understand better how her innocence was lost.

She knew she couldn't continue to have him believing that she only harmed those who harmed others. Father MacArthur had to be exposed to her dark side before she asked for his help. She finally dragged herself from her musings and scanned the area once again.

She knew the good doctor would be watching Father MacArthur. This made her situation even more tenuous than it had been before. As she scanned the area around the church she spotted the surveillance van. It was parked about a half a block down from the church. It was posing as a carpet delivery service which would allow them to sit there for several hours. Of course, the building it sat in front of was scheduled to be demolished in a couple of days, so they had no need for new carpet. Dr. Johnson should have done his homework better, she surmised.

She knew about the demolition because she almost used the building for her hideout. She changed her mind after learning about the demolition scheduled. She also realized that she would be safer having a vantage point that allowed her to see the good doctor and his crew coming from several different angles. Therefore, her hiding place needed to be several stories high with more than one escape route.

She'd learned a few things since her last run in with Dr. Johnson and his crew. They nearly caught her. If it wasn't for her quick thinking and the intervention of a good Samaritan, she would be a lab rat for Dr. Johnson and his cronies.

She no longer rushed head first into a situation. She examined everything from a distance before deciding to become involved. Dr. Johnson understood her need to help and he played on that need. The last incident with Dr. Johnson taught her a little about psychological warfare and of all things mouse traps.

Dr. Johnson hadn't realized that he provided her with such excellent Intel the last time they crossed paths. He hadn't changed his methods at all and their last encounter allowed her to become familiar with his tactics. That's how she knew that if they had a surveillance van sitting outside the church, they also had eyes on the inside of the church. She couldn't risk contacting Father MacArthur directly and phones were out of the question. She'd have to think about that for a while. She had alternative ways of contacting the father, but she wasn't sure she wanted to employ them at this time but given the current situation, she might not have a choice.

She tore her attention away from the surveillance van and directed it back to father MacArthur. He was pacing back and forth in his office. He appeared to be in deep thought. A quizzical frown seemed to crease his brow every few minutes. Something was bothering him deeply and she had an inkling it was her situation.

She took a peek into his mind to confirm her suspicions. His thoughts were clouded with images of the stories that she had told him about her past. He wondered who Dr. Johnson really was and just what she had gotten him into. Agnes absented herself from his mind as quickly as she had entered it. For the first time in a long time she was thankful for all her parents had taught her. For all their secrecy, the training they had given her had helped her stay alive and free.

