Talking about race and identity can be really uncomfortable.
Here are four tips that make it easier.
1. Embrace the discomfort.
It's totally normal to have butterflies in
your stomach about issues that have historically
been really complicated and loaded with tension.
Take a second; breathe in, breathe out a couple of times, and just allow yourself to settle
into that slight disquiet.
That's a good place to be -- it'll make you
more careful.
2 .Think stuff over before you say something insensitive,
and assess what you know and
what you don't know about the topic being discussed.
Race and identity cut across all kinds of
subjects beyond politics and culture.
Sports, medicine, the arts - the list is endless.
So assessing what you know or don't know is really important.
Sometimes you'll be the one sharing what you do know. Other times you'll benefit from just
sitting back and listening, without checking for the nearest exit.
It's quite likely that the butterflies in
your stomach are getting louder.
Don't panic!
Talking about race and identity is like working out.
Think of this temporary discomfort as a type of moral muscle pain, like when you power
through an exercise that you know will make you sore the next day.
But guess what: When you get back a day later, you're stronger than before.
Something similar happens when you allow yourself to be a little uncomfortable at first
in conversations about race or identity.
That nagging feeling tends to lessen the more you sit and just listen.
3. Ask intelligent, probing questions.
Questions that don't have yes or no answers.
Questions that are free of assumptions.
Things like: Has that always been the case?
Has that been different at any other time?
Have you always felt this way?
What would you do differently?
These are the types of open-ended questions that invite more dialogue.
This is probably the best way to contribute to a conversation when you don't feel superconfident
about the subject but there are people around you who are.
Asking good questions also portrays your vulnerability,
which is a strong indicator of your willingness to learn.
4. Vulnerability also signals to others who may be feeling just as nervous or anxious that
it's OK to feel that way.
So to recap, embrace the discomfort, assess what you know and you don't know, ask intelligent
probing questions, be vulnerable.
These four things should give you a good starting point.
