
Secret Love

A Love to Remember, Volume 1

Cassandra Barnes

Published by Cassandra Barnes, 2018.
This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

SECRET LOVE

**First edition. November 22, 2018.**

Copyright (C) 2018 Cassandra Barnes.

ISBN: 978-1386010128

Written by Cassandra Barnes.

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Also by Cassandra Barnes

A Love to Remember

Secret Love

Watch for more at Cassandra Barnes's site.

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**_ Dedication:_**

With heartfelt thanks to Kip Tiernan of Boston for helping to rescue my life and that of many other women.
Rose & Carmen: A Love to Remember

Book One

Copyright (C) 2018 Cassandra Barnes

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any matter whatsoever, including Internet usage, without written permission from the author, except in the form of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Any unauthorized usage of the text without express written permission of the author/publisher is a violation of the author's copyright and is illegal and punishable by law.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places; and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

# Contents

Chapter One: The Start of Something New

Chapter Two: Love Look at the Two of Us

Chapter Three: She Came in Through the Bathroom Window

Chapter Four: Yin & Yang - You Rang?

Chapter Five: The Great Escape

Chapter Six: The Stars, the Sky & the Magic Hour

Chapter Seven: Calm after the Storm

Chapter Eight: Godzilla in Love

Chapter Nine: If We Could Only Say What We Mean

Chapter Ten: Love Makes History

Chapter Eleven: The Green Goddess of the Blue Ridge

Chapter Twelve: Turn it Around

Chapter Thirteen: Goodbye for the Summer

Chapter Fourteen: The Red Rose of the Blue Ridge

Chapter Fifteen: Closer and Closer

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# Chapter One: The Start of Something New

THURSDAY -

Carmen La Pierre worked as a cashier-night manager at the local 7-11 Sunoco station, usually called Jiffy's, in Piney Knoll, North Carolina, a very pretty, isolated, rural farm town whose population could fit on the back of a watch. If small was beautiful, this town was a phenomenon of glamor. The Knoll was geographically located somewhere in the forests between Rocky Mount and the Atlantic Ocean.

Carmen thought, musingly, Glamorous it is not, unless you figure ferociously banged up jeans were notable chic - or men famous for the "Piney Knoll grin" (pants too low on the horizon with a bit of ass crack showing). Not her idea of fashion, or couth.

She was born and raised on a farm and aspired to big city couture, such as Versace-based pantsuit creations with a more modest neckline and no see-through materials, unless they were around the bottom hem. Or Ralph Lauren without the price tag. She could choose skinny jeans that still complimented her muscular, but slender figure. So, she wore theme t-shirts and regular Walmart blue jeans with no-brand sneakers. Way it is.

On payday, she put a few extra dollars from her meager salary into a New York City "someday" jar stashed in her bedroom closet. There was no more farm work for her (her parents were dead, her brother lived in Oregon and rarely visited). She treasured her precious vegetable garden and century old apple tree, but that was all. She didn't have a goat, horse or cow. Her sixty pound Malinois-Shepard mix, Shep, took the place of all livestock with his big-ass personality.

New York City was her hope of freedom. The place where no one would care who she was, what she was or where she was from. She could be as gay as she wanted to. And that kind of anonymity was freedom to her - she wanted to be an unknown and longed for that with her whole heart.

Carmen's dreams kept her heart alive during the long, soul-killing hours she worked behind Jiffy's counter selling Slim Jims, slices of pizza, startling cups of black coffee, cans of Spaghettios, junk food, bread, milk, liquor and cigarettes. The times she treasured most were the late-night hours before the store closed at 1 am. There were few customers after eleven and she could play her boom box and any CD or radio station she wished at a decent volume. She would dance alone to the music of her dreams in the small hours of the morning among the chips, refrigerated cases and cans of Dinty Moore.

She loved the pretty, dark shadows of the trees silhouetted against the hazy mist of the North Carolina moonlight. This was in her possession every day at dusk, despite the garish atmosphere of the Seven-Eleven. These late hours were one of the few times she loved her job. She could breathe free. The weather today was benign and succulent at moon-rise after a too-hot day.

***

SHE HAD WANTED TO BECOME a Social Worker and do something meaningful to help others, but there was barely enough money to buy food when she was a child. So, college was out of the question. In her day, there were no scholarships for the children of North Carolina's dirt farmers. No matter how well they did in high school, their good grades and skills generally got them a decent office position, but not much more.

She was born too early in the century to have the advantages of today's youth. Although nearing fifty, she looked fresh and at least a decade or two younger. She was careful to take care of her health, loved to fish and had a diet that included freshly caught fish on a weekly basis when possible. She had never been interested in the local bar scene, regardless of how many men wanted to go out with her. Alcohol upset her peptic ulcer - a vicious award from her alcoholic mother bestowed inside her driving arguments initiated at breakfast, lunch and dinner.

***

SHE WOULD RUN TO A vegetarian diet about once a month to quell her painful stomach. Her ulcer had been further intensified by both alcoholic parents and the too-early responsibility of rearing a younger sibling by herself without enough money. Or, any money at all.

She often gave her food to her little brother, Zachary, with nothing left for herself to eat. This caused her stomach lining to irritate itself even further. Trying to take care of her kid brother had caused chronic fears - she had always been afraid that both of them might have to sleep outside because of the violence.

Even as a child, she took care of her stomach like it was a pet. Something that she had to attend to but was like an object to be dusted on a shelf. She hated the thing but accepted the responsibility of knowing that it could erupt like Vesuvius and needed to be placated with offerings of antacids and yogurt.

In terms of Zach, she was afraid of becoming homeless as a child and having to hide her little brother in order to keep the two of them together. Or worse, losing him to Children's Services. Or, both of them being taken into state custody. She had always loved Zachary and used to joke (while he disagreed) that, "He was better than a puppy," as she rubbed his curly brown head in affection.

***

THEN THERE WAS HER life as a single lesbian. She knew she was attractive to men. She thought, ruefully, about how many good-looking, amiable young farmers had a crush on her. As a result, she had always refused to wear dresses unless she was at home alone and it was too hot to do anything else comfortably. She liked the swish of cooler air up the skirt as long as no one was lusting after her. She knew she looked good in fitted cotton sundresses with small, fitted waists and full skirts. Even at her age, her waistline was small. The same size she was at sixteen.

Too bad for the guys. She never felt comfortable as their eyes started to wander up her shapely bare legs to her knees. Even if their eyes did not move, she felt something that was not to her liking.

Instead, she enjoyed the companionship some of her older female neighbors - most of whom had already lost their husbands, either to alcoholism, divorce (oh, yes - even Christians and weekly church-goers did that), or the grave. Their children had moved away from the economic disaster of Piney Knoll. These neighbors usually had her back. None of them knew she was a lesbian. She was so used to their friendship, she thought they might not even blink at it. The ladies might have already figured something was "up" as they would have noticed that she never seemed to have a man around, outside of her gay-boy cousin, Billy Ferguson. Billy was well-known around the town as a gay-boy cowboy and her housemate.

Some of the friendly, innocuous townsmen (there were a few) helped her out with their building, repair skills and mechanical equipment from time-to-time. All of them formed a gentle, caring community that made Carmen feel wanted, if not entirely fulfilled.

She didn't really feel these neighborhood women were her community, even though she had known almost all of them since childhood. See, no one ever moved away from Piney Knoll unless they were young or running from the law. They were rooted in the soil, it seemed, like oaks or maple trees - unable to lift themselves away from even the front yard.

Like her, but not like her.

Carmen had never married and had no children. Her cousins and extended family were distant and out of state. When she was a teenager, one did not have children without marriage. To her young, straight, naive mind it had to be a good, true marriage - otherwise, why do it at all? Pregnancy could be treacherous. There were no legal or even safe illegal abortions. So, she had simply chosen not to do anything that could make her pregnant. All that right at puberty. Fifteen. She had found the word "lesbian" in the dictionary and decided, then and there, that was what she was. She had been attracted to female bodies from an early age.

Girls disappeared from her high school - no one knew where they had gone to. Some never came back. The whispers were that they had gotten pregnant. And, that explanation was enough. They were dead, raising a baby - or too psychologically damaged from a street or other illegal abortion and hurt over their irresponsible, lost first love to return to the same school. That serious.

She had never really been a church-goer or believer, but she vaguely believed that her good ancestors probably formed a sort of God-Consortium and watched over her - so her lack of interest in hetero-sex was purely a practical, life-conserving belief.

She had liked some of the local boys at Piney Knoll High but knew if she got too close or went sneaking beer or cigarettes with them - those soft places in the woods could be her downfall. At that time, her natural lust was excited by both girls and boys.

So, she simply milked the family cows, groomed the horses, fixed whatever machinery she could and generally helped out around the house, giving her mother a break. She made herself happy by being busy. As a result, she and her mother were close and more like friends than relatives. At least, when she was sober.

At night, she would read. She read everything she could get her hands on. Her books were a parade from youth through high school. She read what young folks would call "vintage" books.

She began her childhood reading adventures with the usual baby books of the day, then progressed to Nancy Drew and an occasional Reader's Digest. The reading lists at Piney Knoll High School in the Sixties was a combination of Charles Dickens, e.e. cummings, Longfellow, Whitman and, of course, Shakespeare. Then came Carmen's colorful additions of Alice B. Toklas, Edgar Allen Poe and Mad Magazine. Mad was psychologically healing for her and Poe rocked. Whatever...

She also watched late night rerun black and white movies on her family's sacred old, second-hand television when she didn't have a night job. She found that soothing after a difficult, strenuous day on the farm and her parents' arguments.

After her literary lesbian experience, she became entranced by Brigette Bardot, Marilyn Monroe (who she felt was one of the legendary, finest American actresses) and other favorites such as early Elizabeth Taylor and Sophia Loren. All these actresses were soft-spoken. She liked that. When she couldn't find a good re-run, she read. She lived in her novels. They blossomed like wildflowers inside of her. They painted her dreaming Self with colors that had before been unknown to her. Maybe her dream girl would be like this, too. She had high school crushes on girls that came to nothing much.

The local librarians knew her well. The library building was built for dreaming. It was cool, clean and old. She loved the clean antique smell of the polished floors and smooth wood tables. She loved it like a second home. Here were no loud, drunken arguments. This was a home for her soul. She loved the magazines that showed her a life that was a million miles away from the dusty back roads of Piney Knoll and even North Carolina, even if her phantom arms would never reach those fantastic places.

Despite Carmen's dreams of life in the big city, she had a kind of love for her hometown and the people she knew. There was no hatred in her. She only hated drudgery and bigotry. Her shoulders shook as she shivered - thinking of how much of that had embedded itself in her life and in this town, threatening to exhaust her spiritual existence.

This afternoon, she had watered all her plants, inside and outside, and fed Shep. She hurried, shook herself out of her daydreams with no idea why she was thinking about high school, got dressed in an oversized, loose plaid flannel shirt and new blue jeans. She slung her day pack over her shoulder. She had, as usual, packed her dinner along with her most current book (re-reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" for the third time), thinking, hopelessly, Why, oh, why didn't Harper Lee write anything else? She had read the original to Mockingbird which was "Go Set a Watchman" and liked comparing the two books, but that was it for this author. What a frustration! Harper was a lesbian lawyer (and childhood friends with Truman Capote, another southern gay) practicing down South before de-segregation, she must have had something else to say.

Today, she had packed a few magazines from the library, too. She let Shep out in the fenced-in backyard, as usual. He leaped up to kiss her good bye, giving her a doggie hug. She left him, thinking, Love that dog. Mmm...that kiss, that kiss. If that had been any dog other than Shep, kissing would have been disgusting. But she cleaned and groomed her dog, giving him special foods, no sugars or corn syrup treats, raw vegetables and fruit. So, he was her smelly jelly belly. You know, special buddy, that kind of thing. So, sloppy kisses were okay on a limited basis.

Shep, whose full name was Shepard, was her guardian and her home security system. He was a large rescued mutt, which made him friendly, but not too friendly. He had attractive deep brown, tan and white markings with a matching proportionate mask around his dark brown eyes.

He was smart, naturally obedient and a great companion who learned quickly and was overtly affectionate. Only about a year old or so, he was still a little bit puppyish and floppy. Carmen and Shep actually did love each other, you could see it in the dog's careful obedience. Shep would never let Carmen be harmed, he was very protective of her, but would stop fighting (say, with another dog) on command without stress or pressure - people were amazed at that and some of the other things Shepard could do.

She watched him as he walked outside the open sliding glass doors in the kitchen to his dog house in the garden and curled up. Back to sleep with him, lazy thing! thought Carmen with a laugh. It was easy to leave the dog outside in her fenced-in yard when she was at work. She knew he loved the sun and had water under the porch - which also provided an extra cool spot.

Her old, dinged-up, red, rust bucket of a Ford pickup thankfully started with a cacophony of loud clunking noises and belches that sounded like a bad accident between recycled cans and an obese drunk with gas. Must be that damn loose bumper, she thought, turning the radio up louder so she wouldn't hear her truck self-destruct.

She took off in a rush and dashed down the dirt road in front of her house that lead to the highway into town. Her house was the same one she had grown up in, with a white picket fence in the front and several flower beds and gardens she cared for meticulously with fervent dedication. The house was newly painted lime green, with darker forest-green accents. She had painted it all by herself over a period of several months - Billy had declined to help, except for esthetic criticism.

She admired her work and her home for a fleeting moment as she left her poetic mind behind and hoped, as usual, that her front fender would not fall off on the way to work. She turned the radio up, even more loudly, to her favorite Country & Western station. Vintage Loretta Lynn and Porter Wagoner were playing in a special program. Carmen loved both singers. She lit a joint and sang along.

She had inherited the house from her parents. Her brother, Zachary, didn't want it and gave it up willingly. He didn't need the house. He was a long-haul trucker and made good money driving up and down the west coast, dispatched from his home in Grant's Pass. She and Zach had never fought over anything. He had not hassled her over wanting the place, for which she was grateful.

He was completely unaware of Carmen's private life, but she was sure he could accept mostly everything without any fuss. He had two small children, a boy, seven - and a girl, four and very precocious. She hadn't met either child, but they got together over Skype. She had started out by collecting their photos on Facebook. The girl looked like her twin, the boy like Zach. It felt good to have at least some close relatives - Zachary and his brood were the best choices. He didn't drink like their father (their dad drank hard liquor to excess and spent most of his wages on it.) Zachary drank too much socially - but not as much. And, he had a very sanguine, benign temperament, even when drunk.

His wife, Joyce, was pretty and kind. She had met her when they married. They liked each other. She knew Joyce wouldn't mind if she was gay. Or, so she imagined, having no guts in this regard. She liked the entire family, her niece and nephew, but prized her solitude too much to miss them, overall. So, they kept in touch over social media. Such is life in the closet. Gets stuffy, but it is so much safer.

On time! She thought with a sigh of good portent as she saw the last mile to Jiffy's come into view. She looked at her watch as if it was a page from Leviticus giving her hope. "On time," she thought again with smacking satisfaction. Punctuality was a well-known characteristic of Carmen's personality. She had nicknames from childhood based on that. Some cartoon character, or the other. She couldn't even remember. Oh, shit, yeah, she did, she remembered painfully... It was the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. She remembered now. The song rang in her head:

I'm late!

I'm late!

For a very important date!

No time to say "Hello", goodbye!

I'm late!

I'm late!

I'm late!

I run and then I hop hop hop

I wish that I could fly

There's danger if I dare to stop and here's the reason why

You see I'm overdue

I'm in a rabbit stew

Can't even say "Good-bye", "Hello",

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late...

["I'm Late", written by: Bob Hillard, Sammy Fain, Oliver Wallace, Ted Sears, Mack David and Al Ho, from the soundtrack of "Alice in Wonderland" Sung by the White Rabbit.]

She was able to use that reputation in a creative way, but she hated it. Ah, there it was! Hatred. The insistent pursuit of time. Plant on time, clean on time, harvest on time - milk the cows - on time! She had forced her mother and Zachary to stop calling her that name. Rabbit! How she hated that! She might love wild rabbits, especially the babies, but she felt stronger than all that. She felt she had the right to self-description.

Always trying to keep up with something - that was farming - repairs, planting, animal births - when was there that delicious space that opened like a succulent spring day and said, with wide open arms, beckoning, "Rest here - live. Now, here is all you dream of. Live! Take time for yourself!"

This thought made Carmen shove her right foot too hard on the accelerator of her twenty- year-old Ford, way too hard for the engine. She switched the truck radio off so hard, the knob fell off. She swore out loud, Angry. She glanced at the speedometer, "Je--sus!" she was hitting 75 ... then 80!

Anxiously looking over her shoulder and at her smudged rear-view mirror which dangled almost uselessly slightly off the rotating ball it used to cling to. No cops in sight. Everyone was eating dinner, changing shifts, setting the table. She was lucky this time, couldn't afford a ticket on her pay.

She got off the highway and raced down Magnolia Avenue, pulling into Jiffy's, parking in the employee space reserved for her. Still had about ten minutes before she had to clock in at five. 5 pm to 1 am were her work hours. She had worked this shift for almost ten years - since she was around forty. Her impoverished truck did not stop running when she turned the key off. It chugged for about thirty seconds with a very bumpy racket that shook the old McDonalds' wrappers off the front seat onto their nest on the floor.

Carmen sighed. One day, she thought.

After the other cashier cashed out and Carmen got her bank and settled down for her shift, one of her elderly neighbors walked in and got a gallon of milk, eggs and a loaf of cheap, white bread.

"Well, hello, Mrs. Hillis," greeted Carmen when Amanda Hillis walked up to her at the counter.

Carmen was fumbling with the store radio, trying to find a good station. Mrs. Hillis gave her a bright smile of recognition. "Oh, hi, Carmen - leave it there," the old woman said, indicating the radio station. "I like that song." Carmen's hand flew off the scan button and she locked in the station. She was like that, despite her distaste for the song, she was always good to her neighbors. She knew how to sacrifice just a little bit to make someone else happy. They usually returned the gesture. Mrs. Hillis had helped her survive a few bouts of heavy colds. Carmen had been there when Mr. Hillis passed away, taking care of Amanda's lawn and doing some house cleaning.

The song was some melancholy Country-Western ballad about lost loves living in Texas. Not exactly what Carmen wanted to listen to. She accepted Mrs. Hillis's money and bagged her purchases with a friendly flourish of her hands. Amanda then went into a discussion of their other neighbors. Who needs a newspaper around here with neighbors who like to tell all? thought Carmen, with amusement and a little affection towards the older woman. She packed the woman's National Enquirer with a chuckle, wondering why their neighbors' new stories weren't quite enough for Mrs. H.

Carmen listened to her neighbor with a little interest for a while which quickly faded to no interest at all. She liked all of her neighbors well enough, but their lives were really not much different from day to day, unless they got sick or died. Not a great future to look forward to. But everyone took care of everyone else. They brought food, flowers and companionship to those in need. Whatever it might take to help somebody out. You didn't even need to belong to the same church. Or any church, like Carmen.

When she had pneumonia last winter, Mrs. Hillis and her friends took care of her. They cleaned her house, cooked for her and went to the pharmacy so she didn't need to get out of bed. They were the best, but ... there were some things they didn't share.

The disparities between the two women made Carmen's detached mind dive into itself. She saw a dark pit of nothingness and felt herself falling ... falling deeper into that darkness.

Her job, the community of elderly women and the endless pursuit of her own feelings about her life made her different. It all made her eyes find some distant point where Mrs. Hillis disappeared, and her voice ceased to be audible.

Amanda waved a fat hand in front of Carmen's faraway look. "Carmen, Carmen?! Are you all right? Maybe you have that bug that's been going around!" Mrs. Hillis patted Carmen's arm insistently, smiling in her soft way, bringing Carmen's eyes back into focus on her neighbor's gentle, overly-sympathetic expression. Carmen smiled at her concern.

"Maybe you need to sit down. I always think that people who cashier need a chair or stool behind the counter, so they can rest when they have the time."

Carmen sat down on her stool and said, "I have one. I'm fine, suppose I'm looking forward to my days off. Guess I'm just tired." She thought, Tired of these same dead-end conversations.

She, again, got lost in the distance between her life and that of Amanda Hillis, who had never worked outside her own home and the family farm - raising six children with no electricity or running water. That story was common in this town thirty years ago. Carmen was raised that way, too, like almost everyone else. This was one reason she did not want children of her own and had decided against it at a young age. No struggles for her. No unfaithful, devil-may-care, unhelpful husbands, willing to get drunk at the cost of their children every day and chase tail at the local cowboy bar at night. Or, just leave her and the kids without any means of support.

Or, just leave period.

She looked at Amanda Hillis with a tear in her eye, trying to hide it. No luck. Amanda's sharp eyesight caught the motion. She reached over again, not aware of Carmen's distant thoughts, and touched her arm.

"I just knew there was something wrong! Tell me. That's what I'm here for. Why, I've known you since you were three years old! You can tell me anything."

Well, for one, Amanda, thought Carmen to herself. I never wanted children, or to get stuck out in the boonies like you - after all that work, your kids leave. I didn't want a life like that, when my kids leave to go to the kind of lives I might have wanted. She couldn't say this out loud, of course, thinking about how the shock and disdain would rise in her neighbor's face. She thought again, Well, she doesn't deserve such a harsh comment.

"Oh, my dear," Amanda Hillis prattled on, insensitive to Carmen's shift in mood. "I always say ..."

Here it comes, thought Carmen, flinching away from Amanda, pretending to straighten out something below the counter. She withdrew further when she heard her neighbor's next words.

"... you need a boyfriend. Why, at your age!"

I'm just fine, thought Carmen trying to look interested in her neighbor's droning speech, repeated for the millionth time. She rolled her head to the side and reached out for Amanda Hillis's arm, which she squeezed with both love and a persistent urge to shut her up. "I'm just fine, Mrs. Hillis," she finally said out loud, hoping this circular conversation would end.

It did. Her neighbor retreated out the door, dinging the electronic bell at the entrance with a smile and a wave. Carmen changed the radio station as soon as she walked out of the store - to her own favorite local rock station and turned the volume up to slightly way too loud as if to block out her feelings of regurgitation after the long, unwanted conversation about her well-being and lack of boyfriends.

Carmen's mind cleared as soon as she heard a song she liked, something strong by Gladys Knight and the Pips. The creeping sensation of doom that overwhelmed her a moment ago evaporated into the driving rhythm of the music.

Good thing, too. Today, Thursday, the store was unrelentingly busy until almost midnight. It was sometimes like that towards the end of the week. There was, then, no time to think all day. She enjoyed work days like that. No time to think, meant no time for falling into that bottomless pit of self-pity and despair over the redundancy of her life.

Then, feeling guilty for her lack of gratitude, she thought, My mother never had half the chances that I did, nor half the conveniences - like a refrigerator, her own vehicle, places to go on 'days off' (not that she ever gave herself a day off). No one helped her except us kids. Dad lay around the house all day, out of work and drunk, getting meaner and meaner as the sun retreated behind their fields.

I've had so much more than that.

Still, she longed for escape. The stark white neon lights inside the store brought her back to herself.

Around midnight, she turned off the gas pumps, started sweeping the store, emptying the trash and straightening shelves. In a half hour, she turned off the neon Jiffy's sign outside and switched the sign on the door to 'Closed'. She turned on her boom box and put on a Whitney Houston CD, cashing out and putting her money and receipts in the office safe. She walked around the store and locked the back and side doors. Humming to the music, she turned off all the lights, except the safety. She left the store promptly at 1 am.

There was an audible rush of fresh air as she opened the front door to the store. The night was succulent and tropical, as opposed to the Frigidaire-quality flat, cold air-conditioning inside Jiffy's. The torridly fragrant fresh air outside felt cloying and moist. Carmen was immediately refreshed and ran to her pickup, on a mission to get home to her familiar, warm, natural surroundings ... and her dog. She thought it was silly that she loved to come home to her dog. But she did look forward to seeing his musing, quiet form of 'hello'. He was just like that. Droll...

Her Shepard was a great companion to her and had saved her life at least twice. Besides that, he played a great game of tennis ball soccer, even using his feet to hit the ball, imitating her moves. Gratitude and love mingled when she thought of the big dog waiting for her. She let the pickup engine roar, but just as she put it in reverse, she remembered that she had forgotten the two grams of marijuana she had been given by her boss at noon while she was on lunch break. That was when Jiff came in to relieve her. He was always good for a potent gram of free weed or two.

Nice guy, she thought. A great boss - but a little bit of an airhead, always stoned. I guess one can afford that if one owns a successful business like this. Smoking weed with him at lunch was a frequent thing with them. He never made a pass at her and was pleasant enough company. She smiled to herself thinking about it.

She parked out in the driveway since the place was closed anyway, banged out of the chronically stuck driver's side door with the broken handle and walked up to the store. She re-opened Jiffy's, disarmed the alarm, turning on the lights again. She ran behind the counter quickly to get her plastic earring box of reefer. Ha! There it was!

She could easily have lost it to the morning crew. Jiffy's was always hiring new part-time day people, with a lot of turn-over in employees like most small stores. One never knew who might be working or how long they would stay. Not safe for her little box of weed. No way. Weed was expensive, she felt a rush of happiness that she had remembered to go back in and retrieve it. She walked to the door, turning the lights out again and stuffing the runaway weed in her pocket.

Backing out the door, she noticed an unusual, effusive fragrance, thinking it must be one of the many magnificent magnolia trees across the street which were coming into bloom, whose scent would carry heavily on an occasional breeze. But it didn't smell like the familiar scent of magnolia blossoms. No matter, this time of year, one could smell all kinds of flowers on a passing puff of air. It was common.

Then, she stepped hard on something soft.

"Ouch!" exclaimed an urgent, musical voice behind her followed by another blast of that scent. That voice rang out in the night like a small bell. Damn, thought Carmen. These late-night stragglers always show up just as I am closing!

"We're closed," she commented impatiently, not even bothering to turn around. "I can't get you anything, my cash register is empty. And, I definitely can't get you any gasoline. The pumps are shut down."

"You're on my foot!" said the small, feminine voice again, protesting more loudly. "Get off!" The girl laughed. The street lights came on, as if the pressure of stepping on this person's foot had turned them on. Carmen laughed at the synchronicity. She felt a small hand on her waist as she moved her foot off the soft place it had landed. It had been years since she had felt a woman's touch.

The feminine voice said quietly, "That hurt."

Carmen whirled around to face the girl she had stepped on, and almost lost her balance. Her eyes met the huge violet eyes of the most beautiful country girl she had ever seen standing directly behind her. Obviously, she had stepped on her. She apologized until she was speechless. Then, she coughed and indicated her truck.

The girl had straight, healthy blue hair, delicately shaved over one ear and well-done light makeup with a few rhinestone studs in her ears and nose. Carmen had sucked her breath in audibly at the girl's appearance. This diminutive girl was stunning. She was a real beauty, set in the dark country night like a diamond against the warm obsidian of the sky. And that fragrance!

She recognized the girl from the store and gas pumps. She was a regular. So were the two girls she was with. Carmen had seen their red Mustang convertible pull up at the pumps about once a week or so. Hard not to notice a car like that.

Unconsciously, the blue-haired girl's hand was still grasping Carmen's waist. The girl pulled on her a little tighter. Carmen looked down and felt herself relax into the girl's grasp. She had removed her foot, she thought, ambiguously, Then, why was this girl still holding onto her? She didn't even look old enough to buy cigarettes. But she must have been at least sixteen to be driving. Carmen corrected herself. Well, she thought, with amusement. Everyone out here learns to drive by around six to ten years old, so she could be younger. Just short, I guess.

The girl looked at her and finally moved her hand. She said, "I just wanted a six pack of beer. Me and my girls are having a small party."

Carmen looked at her dubiously, saying, "You have to be twenty-one to get beer. I could lose my job if I got caught selling that to you."

The girl burst suddenly into a lilting spate of laughter. She answered, "I know I'm small, but I'm twenty-two." She offered her driver's license to Carmen, who looked at it with surprise, noting her age. She figured the girl could have gotten a counterfeit driver's license. That was common with the teens around here. That, though, was not her business. As long as there was an ID, she could serve the person without recrimination. There was something about that girl. She felt a sense of honesty. Besides, she found herself wanting to do things with her that this small young thing might not welcome.

"Alright, honey," she said, smiling at the attractive girl. "What kind of beer do you want? Just give me the money and I will get the six pack for you."

"Oh! Thanks so much! We want Heineken. I have exact change. Seven dollars and thirty-five cents, right?"

Carmen said she was correct. Well, the girl must have done this before. She had the exact price accurately. Carmen left the girl standing outside and ran in to get her six pack. She could put the money in the register the next day and ring up the purchase then, too. Not the first time she had done that, and she knew Jiff was okay with it. That was one reason he was a good boss. He was understanding.

The girl thanked Carmen as she received the beer, and reached up and kissed her on the cheek, which caused the older woman to blush and back up with surprise. She studied the pretty young girl as she went back to her lipstick red Mustang convertible filled with two other girls - and almost felt jealous. In fact, she did feel jealous. Not a common emotion for her. She was too hard working to have time for any petty emotions. She had never approved of jealousy. Her father had that problem, along with paranoia, so she never wanted any part of it.

When the girls had driven away, she went back to her truck and broke out the reefer. She swore and realized that she could have offered them some and joined that sweet, little party. She felt something awaken between her legs when she thought of rubbing against that blue-haired girl.

Dang! She thought as she filled the pipe she kept in her glove compartment. The weed gave her the exhilaration she needed to cleanse her soul of the work day and the regret that surfaced when she had not thought to offer some of this weed to the girl and her friends. It wasn't often that she came in contact with the younger residents of her town. That girl was on her mind. She really didn't know why. Oh, shit. Yeah, she did.

She liked young people, teens and even the children of her township. She hadn't ruled out having children because she didn't like them. She had done it to save the kids from growing up in any kind of turmoil. The kind of domestic turmoil she had witnessed many times in her town and her own home.

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# Chapter Two: Love Look at the Two of Us

That Thursday, Carmen was higher than a NASA rocket by the time she got home. She ate and flicked on the television to the news. The dog watched Carmen put on lipstick in front of her portable mirror at the dining room table as she listened to the TV in the other room. She brushed and fluffed her hair, adding a finishing touch of dark eyeliner and mascara. She had always looked good in eyeliner. Her striking, light green eyes with gold flecks made folks give her a second look. This was not the kind of attention she usually wanted, so she rarely wore make up. She was just dreaming as she put on her makeup. She didn't even know what she was dreaming of. Whatever it was, it was not conscious. But she really did know what it was.

Oh, yeah, baby, she knew. It had been a while.

Carmen couldn't get the scent of that girl at Jiffy's out of her mind. She had thought it was from the wildflowers or magnolia in the field next to the gas station. She remembered the incredible intense fragrance as she put her eyeliner on more evenly. The softness of the girl's hand on her waist - and her thrill at the feeling. She laughed to herself when she thought of thinking that delicious perfume had come from a magnolia. She knew better. She knew magnolia well. And, that was not magnolia or even any recognizable flower. She just couldn't believe a woman could smell that good. But, she did. It was overwhelming. She was small, fresh, young and pretty. No - more than pretty--breathtaking like her perfume. She laughed at her feelings.

Carmen brushed her short, curly auburn hair, obsessing over the girl a little bit more - just because it lifted her spirits. It felt good. She thought maybe she should tip her hair with matching blonde highlights but dismissed the idea for now, since she would get natural blonde streaks when the summer sun grew hotter. She was not a big fan of hair dye. She liked natural and felt it was healthier. If she sat in the sun enough, the lighter, natural highlights would come out anyway, especially if she rinsed her hair with fresh lemon.

She forgot her dreaming abruptly when someone knocked at her front door. Three in the morning, it could only be one person.

"Oh, Dang!" thought Carmen, opening her big, antique oak and glass front door. A slight, well-toned, glowingly good-looking, young dude rancher walked in on fine, silver-toed cowboy boots, wearing a large, black Stetson with a silver band. He giggled and pushed at Carmen in his usual, too-familiar greeting. "Lost my key, girl. I'll have to make another one," said Carmen's visitor.

Carmen said, "Go into the kitchen, Billy. There's some cold vegan cheese lasagna in the 'fridge. Cola, too. Ice in the freezer. Make yourself a drink. Jim Beam's on the shelf. Give me a minute here, I've got something to do..."

"'Kay," answered Billy, pleasantly. He worked as a ranch hand at the Wickham Farm and was as gay as a Christmas decoration. He took his new Stetson off to reveal blonde-tipped curls, his hairstyle of the week. He flashed a dazzling smile at Carmen and commented after a long look at her face and hair, "Going somewhere this late?"

Billy was Carmen's dude. He was her fake boyfriend, a silly, kind gay boy that was her distant third or fourth cousin. He mended her soul when she needed it and, presently, lived with her part-time when he wasn't staying with some paramour.

He also helped with expenses and heavier lifting.

"Planning on seeing someone?" Billy raised the fine line of his left eyebrow into an arch. Carmen knocked on wood and willed herself to patience. She replied, "No, Bill. Just playing with makeup. You know ... a girl's gotta do ..."

Billy finished the line with a laugh, "... what a girl's gotta do."

"Yeah, you ..." He pointed his finger at Carmen's face with the word "you".

Billy scooted past Carmen with an enigmatic laugh and danced into the kitchen to warm up the oven.

Carmen could smell the re-heated lasagna by the time she sat down at her makeup table again.

Billy would cut her hair after he ate. She knew he wouldn't mind doing that. For a horse and cowhand, expert in moving small herds and some vet care - Billy Fergusson was a much sought-after local hair cutter and one of the top stylists in town. He did her hair for free anytime she wanted it, even at three in the morning. After all, they usually missed each other due to her weird work schedule and his plethora of lovers.

She had only recently started wanting her hair shorter. She got a shocked comment from Billy about that. But she only wanted him to shape it right now, something softer and more complimentary to her round face and short chin. Billy's gentle touch and competent hands relaxed her.

She stretched her arms into the air after the haircut and yawned, finally falling asleep around four am.

***

FRIDAY! The best day of the week when her work week ended on that day. No weekends on this week's worksheet. She was free Saturday and Sunday. Been a while, thought Carmen feeling some tiredness in her back and sides. She didn't usually have weekends free.

She wrenched her back shifting cases of heavy glass bottles around the store in the afternoon. A warm, bubbling sensation rose in her memory as she worked in the store. She could feel the warmth of a hot bubble bath on the back of her neck. She sighed and thought, Soon. Before I sleep. The wee hours of the morning were a small extension of Carmen's regular day and Billy was usually awake, too. Or, just making his way back to her house with a new boyfriend after the bars closed.

She had gotten her weekly paycheck today on her 8pm dinner break. Feeling good, Carmen had smoked pot at breakfast this morning in anticipation of her pay. She had an intuition that it would be a divine, end-of-summer weekend - starting it off right with money and weed. She wondered if that feeling of elation had anything to do with that fine young girl she had just met.

Everyone worked stoned on payday at Jiffy's - even Jiffy.

Contrary to popular opinion, there was plenty to do in the country besides smoking pot. But smoking pot made nature even better, one must admit. A little Jim Beam twice a year on holidays - only pot the rest of the time. She couldn't vouch for Jiffy or the rest of the crew, though. She didn't like pills and had done Cocaine and Meth only once. She really didn't need any speed - she supplied that to herself, naturally. Besides, pot was cheaper and lasted longer. Besides being safer.

She usually smoked alone with Shep or occasionally with Billy. He was fun and made her laugh. He was good about bringing his own weed, too. Jiffy, her boss, also occasionally gave her a free splif whenever she was broke. Or, whenever. He was a good guy that way. Generous.

She didn't spend much time with Jiffy despite her being the day manager and someone he could rely on and trust. Jiff couldn't carry on much of a conversation. Why? She didn't know. He was southern quiet, but polite and friendly when spoken to. Usually stoned on pot. He was a silent Chong to her Cheech. It was Billy, though, that brought out the character in the two of them if laughter was the point. Didn't hurt if it was.

***

TODAY, THAT GIRL WITH the wide violet eyes and blue hair had walked into the store again. The pretty, little thing whom she had stepped on the other day. She learned her name. Rose. Rose Oliver. She was with two other girls, laughing and leaning into them. They acted very young and silly, cracking jokes at each other and hanging on each other's arms. Carmen felt a pang of, what was it? Jealousy? Really! She chided herself... She had just met the girl. In fact, she hadn't really met her, just overheard her name.

Is everyone in this town stoned? Carmen had asked herself, while her hands busily brought down things from the shelves behind the counter that these girls wanted. Probably, she thought. The girls acted like they were high - giggly and embarrassed when they spoke to her. Something going on?

Then, the girl she had stepped on came up to the counter and bought two packs of Marlboro Red and a six pack of Coke Classic, paying for everything. She caught Carmen's hand and looked right into her bright green eyes. She hesitated, then smiled with such an intensity that Carmen stepped backwards, clumsily. She felt like a fool.

"God!" said the girl. "You have gorgeous eyes. Your hair is new, too, isn't it? I love your curls. Are they natural or do you perm and tip?"

Carmen looked right back at her, unabashedly, directly into the girl's own sapphire eyes. What she saw gave her goose bumps. She wasn't surprised that her eye color had gotten some unusual attention. She was used to the compliments (for her ancestors, she supposed) about her eyes. There was an unmistakable thrill of immediate chemistry that overwhelmed the older woman. Carmen was tongue-tied and bashful. She felt the girl with the blue hair was not just being friendly and that made her wary and questioning. Gay-baiting was not unknown in her town. This group of girls seemed too friendly to be doing that. But one never knew.

She answered awkwardly, looking down from the check-out counter, into the girl's blue hair, avoiding her eyes, "I streaked it with blonde last night. My hair gets lighter in the sun later in the summer, so then it happens naturally."

Rose ... the girl's name flashed through her mind like lightning. The girl just seemed to like to touch her, explore her hands and arms. Rose's hands flickered over her like a gentle flame. The heat that rose inside the older woman was almost embarrassing. It felt good but made her wonder.

Carmen found Rose's touching curious. She regarded Rose's advances with humor and irony...bordering on disbelief. Did she know what she was doing? She was querulous about this baby bird. That, and truly attracted. Fuck, she thought. Something else impossible this way comes.

Not that impossible. The three young women made a time to gather at Carmen's house and smoke weed. Must have been the smell from the storeroom - marijuana mixed with the smell of Jiffy's warm pizza slices and vanilla air freshener. Carmen was happy the girl would be coming to her home. Downright excited, in a way she knew she shouldn't hope for.

***

SATURDAY COULD NOT come fast enough for Carmen. She cleaned and cooked all her impressive specialties, conjuring up small date-nut cakes and cold-cut sandwiches with fresh, homemade bean soup. She lit incense and candles all over the living room before she showered that evening, making sure her eyeliner and mascara were well done.

Rose was the first to show up. She had dyed her hair brown. The two women embraced. It felt good on Carmen's chest to have another warm being covering her heart. She needed that.

Rose sat too close to her on the big, soft couch, as if there were more people in the living room and she needed to make some space for the others. Carmen liked Rose's leg touching hers. It was a little early to reach over and start something. There were questions to be asked. Carmen didn't want to get rejected.

The warmth between them seemed to grow - Carmen felt good about that. She felt such things should grow - unless the other person was ruled out of her life by something, some obverse show of personality. But there wasn't anything like that. Not yet, anyway.

Rose was gently touching her all over as she talked on. She did this, it seemed, just as a form of self-expression. Carmen let her. Carmen encouraged it.

They smoked weed and things got even closer. They talked about their days at the local high school.

Rose was thoroughly impressed by Carmen's honor society status at Piney Knoll High. Her straight A's got her a kiss on the cheek by the ebullient Rose. It was wet, no tongue. Just sweet and wet.

To Carmen, who looked at Rose with a tiny bit of askance after the kiss, the kiss seemed more than exuberant, innocent joking. Rose blushed. Rose's two friends were late, neither Rose nor Carmen minded that.

***

"YOUR EYES," ROSE SAID and hid her shy smile in the warmth of Carmen's shoulder. "And, so?" Rose questioned the air surrounding them, her voice muffled in Carmen's cotton shirt, her mouth leaving some wetness there. Her question still hanging in the summer breezes. Both women knew what the answer was.

Carmen moved her right hand into Rose's hair. She buried her hand in the lush, cool feeling of her now shiny, thick, brown hair and played with her ear. Rose sighed with pleasure. She definitely did not object.

Touching her fingers, touching skin to skin. Her mouth, her breath, the shape of her flushed face. A tender hand on a naked waist, exploring the new feelings. The inner-soul scent of her hair, burying your mind in it. Inside of me, always inside of me. Memorizing the feelings and perfumes. Something one can keep. Carmen thought, Trust... Something growing. Something true. Something reaching out. That was her first impression of Rose Oliver's magnetism. Her T-shirt was soft against Carmen's chest, impossibly sharing warmth, breathing into her.

Rose reached over quickly and kissed Carmen on the mouth. This time, using her tongue, quickly darting it into the older woman's mouth, sucking passionately at her lips - as if waiting for that moment had increased the intensity of Rose's need and the strength of her kiss.

Rose must have been eating peppermint. Her tongue tasted like it. Carmen played inside her lips and looked into Rose's half-open sapphire eyes that sparkled with mischief and a depth far surpassing the starlight they seemed to capture. Rose laughed out loud and hid her smile on Carmen's chest. Carmen lifted her breast to Rose's mouth by moving her down a little. Rose's smallness felt exquisite. By now, it was no doubt what Rose was wanting. And, her willingness.

She explored Carmen with her mouth through her shirt and played with Carmen's erogenous zones, getting her shirt wet, her hand softly searching slightly hesitantly underneath her clothing at the same time.

Billy walked in from the kitchen soundlessly, without knocking and made some loud remark, startling Carmen upright.

"Seriously, Carmen," said Bill, laughing in a silly high-pitched voice like a woman. "You need this! You go girl! I'm just getting dinner, sorry I surprised you. I lost my key somewhere last night. You two want anything? I'm cooking." Carmen looked at Rose who still lay sprawled over her lap. Rose shook her head, "No", her face beet red.

Billy looked at Rose's slightly fearful expression, then he said, softly, "Don't worry, I'm gay."

"We'll wait, Billy. We can order a pizza, later."

Bill answered, "Okay. I'll make you some strawberry-yogurt smoothies. A little gift. Maybe, for coming out! I'll leave them in the fridge." Then he giggled.

Rose sat up suddenly and said loudly, "How did you know?!"

Bill switched his hips and said, knowingly, "You look young. Besides, there is always at least a fifty percent chance I am right."

Rose answered, "Yeah. This is my first, but I have been a lesbian since high school."

"Okay, then," said Billy, quietly. "I shall go. Need I say, 'have fun'?"

Rose made a raspberry sound on Carmen's arm. Both women laughed as Bill discreetly vanished as quickly as he had come in.

Carmen looked into Rose's face, so close to hers, and said, "Without Bill, I would have no one to watch out for me. He takes good care of my house and dog when I'm gone. He's a gay boy, my cousin, and I give him the run of my home. He knows better than to spy. That scene was not intentionally disruptive, he's just a bit of a flit. Let's go upstairs to my bedroom."

Rose agreed and called her friends to cancel. Now, they were free to find their new love in the privacy of Carmen's large comfortable home and her big brass bed. All alone, except for Billy, who would fade quietly into some room in the house like he always did, content to talk on the phone, surf the internet or watch TV until he fell asleep.

They made love all night Saturday and all day Sunday. The exploration was mind-bending.

***

ROSE STILL LIVED WITH her mother who traveled for work, extensively and internationally. Rose didn't need to call home - she knew her mother was gone. Her mom was used to her being away now that she was older. Her friends she could deal with later. She had no boyfriend, (fake or not), no kids, no husband, only mom. And, her mother traveled frequently for the American Cancer Society, the Mayo Clinic and other charities. So, she mostly had a lot of freedom. Mostly ... but not when her mother was home.

If you didn't know her well, Rose's mother was sweet, creative and pretty, except she didn't know Rose was a lesbian and had been for most of her life. Rose was sure she would not react well to the news. That Saturday and Sunday with Carmen was half talk and half love-making. They got a lot done in terms of getting to know each other.

***

MONDAY MORNING, THE sun rose softly alighting on the two women still wrapped comfortably naked in each other's arms. Rose stretched as the two awoke. She looked a little worried and warned Carmen not to call her on the phone at home. Not even her cell. Rose's mother checked her cell from time to time and it wasn't safe.

Back to puberty for Carmen, hiding all the time. That's what happens when you are gay. Carmen scowled but agreed not to upset things. Rose's happiness and peace at home was more important than any agenda Carmen might have. In terms of Rose's mother's money and Rose's dependence on it, it was still a little early to think about Rose moving in with Carmen - big empty house or not. Carmen scratched her arm and felt a little dismal. They both dressed and went down to the kitchen.

"I know what we can do!" said Rose excitedly, latching onto some mysterious idea. Now comes the part where lesbians start their subterfuge and secret plans to see each other. It is a big part of gay culture. Just as Carmen leaned closer to Rose to hear her ideas, Billy walked quickly between them. "I need clean sheets," he said, quietly, laughing. "Oh, so sorry..." he lisped when he realized where he was standing.

"Damn it," sputtered Carmen, laughing at him. Shep came over and took Billy's place between the two women, licking at Carmen's hand. "Just a minute," she said, smiling at Rose. "The dog needs to go out. Maybe Billy does too."

"Come here," continued Carmen. "I'll show you a door that is always unlocked. We leave it that way for emergencies - such as losing the key (although Billy forgot the other day), which was why my spoiled cousin walked in on us. That will be your way in here. Your special entrance. Okay?"

Rose grabbed Carmen's hand awkwardly over the big dog.

"That will be one end of our 'telephone' that will always be there for you," Carmen said to her new lover. Rose managed to walk in front of Shep until he pushed ahead of her. Rose got closer and put her shoulder under Carmen's arm, being a little shorter than Carmen. It was a signature gesture and Carm loved it.

"We won't let anything separate us," whispered Rose in a husky voice. "I have to show you my mom's house." Rose thought for a minute. "I have a place where you can meet me over there, too."

A set of sliding glass doors created a stunning glass wall in front of the two women as they entered the kitchen. Beyond the glass was a patio with garden furniture and Carmen's huge flower and vegetable garden. The flowers were well-tended, landscaped beautifully and in full bloom. The colors flashed on the glass distorted to an impressionistic swirl of indefinite tints. The sun was almost too bright at this end of the house. Rose shaded her eyes as Carmen pulled a large bamboo roller shade over the sliding doors.

"This sliding door," said Carmen, pulling on the sleeve of Rose's University of North Carolina red cotton T, "is always unlocked. Just walk through the garden and come right in."

Rose kissed Carmen on the cheek.

"Let's get some breakfast and go out there now. We can eat on the patio. I have a table set underneath an arbor." Rose hung onto Carmen tightly. Carmen blushed and felt a rush of heat in her chest. She was not used to this much attention. It flustered her ... in a good way.

Rose said, "I'll make breakfast. Just sit there and tell me where everything is. I love to cook." She grinned like an elf and continued, "And ... I am beginning to love you, too." Rose moved a soft, shiny strand of leftover, still-blue hair behind her ear and pushed Carmen gently towards the kitchen table.

It occurred to Carmen that neither woman knew that much about the other. She knew so far that her sixth sense about Rose's character was accurate. They had talked last night and all day Saturday. She was, though, curious to find out more details about Rose's day to day life in Piney Knoll. Carmen alighted on a chair next to the table.

The one thing she didn't understand about knowing Rose, was the fact that she had never seen her around town before she backed into her that lightless, sultry North Carolina night. She thought she knew everybody in town. But there were three lesbians she had never even heard of - Rose and her two school friends. That made her wonder at the fault of the gossip around town. Something that didn't happen often.

The Knoll was too small to miss another lesbian in town. Or three lesbians, since Rose's two girl buddies were also a couple. Damn! thought Carmen. My gossip channel needs to take a step up! She sat and watched Rose's efficiency in making a rather opulent veggie-cheese omelet.

Even Bill never mentioned any new lesbians. You think he would have noticed, thought Carmen. But, then again, he likes boys.

Oh, who cares, she argued with herself. She watched Rose move around the kitchen, her eyes glued to the girl's hip movements. She studied the curve of her mouth as they were eating. She could smell her perfume and remembered the taste of her skin and the sweet smell of her breath mingled with her own.

Rose turned and noticed Carmen's admiration. She smiled at her and reached out for her, passing her soft hand over Carmen's face, touching her lips, as if memorizing her features like a blind person. She leaned over and kissed her deeply between bites. Rose definitely made Carmen feel there was at least a hint of a future together. Maybe, thought the cautious older woman. Just maybe.

This was Carmen's second serious love affair and Rose's first. In such a small farming town, one didn't expect much. She had her parents' house and a perfect (slightly butt-in-ski) part-time roommate to protect her - she didn't usually have a regular girlfriend, though. Not for a few years, anyway. Rose was a surprise to her. From the moment they connected physically, Rose just could not seem to keep her hands off her. Not that she minded it. It just shocked her at first. She figured the girl was just young and friendly.

She had not suspected that Rose was lesbian. Not for sure, anyway. To her mind, that was not at all. So, when Rose finally started climbing all over her on the couch last night, she quickly and happily changed her mind. Rose was definitely lesbian.

She had thought when she was working at Jiffy's the last two days, How can I tell her? How can I let her know what that touching might mean to me? Rose had spotted her right away, though. She had not been in the least shy about cruising Carmen or inviting herself over.

They took the rest of their food outside to catch some of the morning coolness - just missing another breezy early morning intrusion by Billy who ignored them and got to work getting his own breakfast ready.

"Why do you live with Billy? What does he do for work?" asked Rose, a little curious about Carmen's friend and not enthusiastic about his interruptions.

"Oh, I get tired of being alone and Bill needs the support, being the most famous gay man in town. He also lives part time at the bunkhouse on the Wickham Ranch. He has to bring his boyfriends here though. He would get in trouble if he brought them to the ranch. Whenever he finds his true love, he promised to move in full time. Of course, that is fine by me. He is very helpful.

"I have known Billy since I was a child. We grew up together and came out about the same time. We are distant cousins. He protects me, takes care of my house and dog and I protect him too. Your usual symbiotic gay friendship."

Rose nodded between bites of her toast, squinted in the sunlight, and rubbed Carmen's arm gently. "I get it. I have a couple of gay male friends from school that do the same thing for me."

"He won't bother you at all. You will get to like him. He is fun, actually. He will be here for you and he is a great cook, too."

Rose responded by resting her leg against Carmen's thigh. Love was deep inside both women and starting to grow with each emotionally connective response. Their affection for each other was growing like a favorite flower, like Carmen's carefully tended garden which surrounded them sitting at the glass-topped outdoor table.

Carmen began to play with the seam on Rose's jeans by putting her hand softly on Rose's leg. She felt the firmness of her thigh. Damn, nice muscles, she thought to herself. She laughed out loud. Rose looked at her in question, shifted on her chair and started to play with Carmen's hair. She pulled on her shoulder gently and made Carmen move towards her, caressing her ear with deep velvet movements of her moist tongue.

Carmen giggled and turned her head toward Rose.

The young girl then kissed her passionately taking full advantage of the closeness of the older woman's fragrant face. Carmen closed her eyes and let Rose explore her lips and mouth. She slid her hand up Rose's inner thigh. Rose gasped.

The young girl straightened a little and looked out into the rising sunlight over the garden, saying with a laugh. "We'll never get to the truck this way. I can't be late. I already need an excuse for mother. She could be home from her trip by now."

Carmen felt a shiver, thinking back on their lovemaking of last night. She felt like Rose was an extension of her own body...let alone her feelings. So far, she was the perfect lover.

She thought, God, this girl is beautiful in so many ways! But ... why is she still living with her mother who knows nothing about her lifestyle? Ah, Jesus ... The possible situations that could arise from this reminded her of the dark days of high school girl-girl crushes and their impossibilities. And the pain. What could she do?

Carmen's hand stroked Rose with more feeling. She needed her warm legs wrapped around her again. She just needed more of this fragrant young girl. Right now. Impatience overwhelmed her. Who knew the future?

Rose rubbed against Carmen's hand and continued kissing her. She searched under Carmen's T-shirt and caressed her. This was ecstasy, Carmen thought for the zillionth time.

Carmen's previous lover had many problems, but Rose would hopefully outlast that conflictual relationship. Carmen felt her chest tighten with memories.

It was Carmen's turn to gasp and groan. The two of them laughed, not exactly on their way to the truck.

They both said at the same time, "Let's go upstairs."

Rose continued, "I'll think of something. My mother will be upset, but she is pretty nice usually. This is not the first time I've been late." She said this as Carmen stroked Rose's fragrant hair and held her head to her breast. Carmen felt aroused and shifted in her chair. Rose touched her gently in response with inquisitive fingertips.

***

CARMEN AND ROSE LEFT the now fully sunlit flower garden, went into the kitchen through the open sliding glass doors and climbed the stairs to Carmen's bedroom. They made long, passionate love until around noon. Rose's cell phone rang as they sat up in bed, naked in the afternoon shade. Their hands never stopped touching each other, even when the phone rang. But, finally, Rose answered.

The light from Carmen's beside lamp made Rose's smooth skin look almost translucent. She didn't even look real. Her skin was clear and unblemished. The precious sound of Rose's labored breathing on the phone as she sat between Carmen's legs was terrifying for an irrational moment. Carmen didn't want to lose this chance. She didn't want to lose Rose. She guessed it was just new lover jitters. But she knew that wasn't all it was. She had enough experience with angry parents to feel an unhappy premonition.

Rose had answered her cell phone with a small laugh, "Mom? Sorry, I was busy with a new friend." She smiled into Carmen's eyes at the word 'friend'. Aren't lesbian lovers always your "friend" to outsiders? Whatever.

Rose was silent for a few moments, not saying anything into the phone. In fact, she put her phone down, covering it with a blanket, throwing her legs to the side of the bed. There were tears in her eyes. She leaned into Carmen as she kissed her, her face still wet with emotion. Rose grasped Carmen as if she would not release her. They touched more ... intimately. Despite her tears, Rose shuddered with pleasure. She cried more profusely and brushed Carmen's hands away, saying, "This can't happen."

Carmen sucked her breath in and said, feeling panicky, "What can't happen?" She reached over, covering Rose with an embrace. Rose sobbed into her chest.

The emotions inside Carmen made her heart race and clouded her eyes with her own tears - not even knowing yet what the matter was. Rose's tiny naked body felt like that of a fragile sparrow...trembling.

Carmen gently covered both of them with the blanket. She looked into Rose's face. The young girl had turned pasty white - so pale that Carmen thought she looked other-worldly and almost transparent - like you could see the sunlight in the window behind her go right through her body. She could feel the shaking of her ephemeral spirit and saw a glow, like a blue aura surrounding her.

Rose stopped crying and looked up at Carmen's soft, concerned face. She finally reached over under the covers and ended the phone call without speaking. Carmen was shocked and worried that the cell phone had been on that whole time. She doubted that they could be heard through the bedclothes, though.

"My mother wants me home right away. I'm in trouble." Rose's forehead wrinkled with apprehension. "I'd better go. Will you drive me? Damn bitch took my car away, as if you didn't notice - no Mustang."

Carmen smiled, anxious to know what had happened, glad Rose's tears had stopped. She said, "Sure. Tell me. Don't leave it this way." She put on her own cotton T and pulled Rose's T over her head. That magic scent exuded by her new lover was intense, overwhelming her senses. She felt pain seeing her put her jeans on, getting ready to leave. But Rose's perfume had found its way into Carmen's brain and heart. She was sure she would remember that scent for the rest of her life.

She repeated the phrase to herself in a whisper, "For the rest of my life." Rose heard her and looked at her quizzically with a small dimpled smile.

Carmen lead Rose down the stairs and out to her wreck of a pickup. Rose wrinkled her nose as she got in the passenger side and moved the fast food trash discarded on the floor with her sneakers, finally finding the truck floor through the mess.

Carmen apologized, "I've been single for a very long time. Not too many people ride with me. I only use this truck to go to work, carry trash and firewood ... and the like.

"Billy won't even ride in here. We take his truck usually, if we go anywhere together."

"Don't blame him. Yuk. Really, baby..."

"Sorry, I was alone."

Rose moved up closer to Carmen's side and played with her belt as she ground the pickup's starter without result. Gratefully, both women heard the truck roar as the old engine finally turned over after grinding a couple more times.

"You need a new truck," commented Rose, sliding her arm around Carmen's waist in a caress.

"Fuck," said Carmen. "What I need is a new job with more money." A ridiculous comment since everyone in Piney Knoll was looking for the same job. The line was very long.

Rose snorted and found a package of Sweet Jasmine incense hidden in a stack of old cable bills on Carmen's dash. She looked sideways at Carmen and lit a stick with a satisfied groan. "Really, baby..." She snickered as the fragrance surrounded them.

"I know. I know," responded Carmen. "I'll clean up in here, later, when I can. Sorry..."

"Do! ... Ugh!" Rose sneezed, laughed and hiccupped. "Turn left here. I'm right down the street. At the very end."

It started to rain suddenly and ferociously as they pulled up in front of Rose's house. A mist covered the truck. It was as if a fire hose had opened up on the dusty, dry earthen roads. The smell of moist earth and damp, pungent flowering trees gave off the last bit of heat from the former Carolina summer sun of a few minutes ago. Now cooled suddenly by the rainwater, an immediate fog to rose off the hot metal of the truck and the soil. It was impossible to see more than a few feet in the formidable rain and sudden fog.

Rose pulled Carmen to her and wrapped herself around her, one hand playing around through her T as she kissed her, one hand pushing gently at her pants. Carmen looked out the passenger side window towards the house apprehensively, sure no one could possibly see them, she quivered with a rush of emotion in response to Rose's pressuring hand. Both women laughed. Carmen put her tongue in Rose's soft ear, pushing her awkwardly against the steamy window and truck door. The windshield was completely fogged with their heavy breathing.

Rose giggled, blushed and said, pushing on Carmen's chest, "Oh, shit, Carmen, I have to go. The ogre awaits. Time for bullshit excuses. I love you. I do. Gotta boogie, though, girlfriend." Pushing herself up against Carmen again in an effort to get up, Rose said, "Come on!"

Carmen exhaled loudly and sat up, her hair a messy halo of bright curls ringing her smiling face, her jade green eyes sparkling.

Rose, exasperated at having to leave, finally pulled her hoodie over her head, pried the door handle open, and jumped out of the truck smack dab into a puddle. She yelled in dismay, her sneakers and socks soaked. She jumped out of the mud and ran, disappearing into the lifting thunderstorm and fog. The rain had been a local phantom rainstorm, which evaporated as suddenly as it had appeared.

Carmen managed to pull herself together after a few deep breaths, got the ancient truck in gear and rattled down the drive, where the thing promptly died. The wind and rain had cleared considerably, so had the fog. Carmen jumped out into the muddy dirt road and raised the hood, irritated.

Mud-soaked, her sneakers slid up and down her ankles. Mud caked the bottom of her jeans. In the middle of this mess, she managed to reconnect a chronically loose bolt on a battery wire, jump back in the cab and get the truck started again. Turning on her favorite Country-Western station, she lit a joint, let out a whoop thinking of Rose and scattered the splattering mud by accelerating too quickly - damn ready for a hot shower. She missed Rose already, but the excitement of her new love was still running hot.

After driving the short ride to her house, Carmen parked in front of her home. The torrid Carolina sun had reappeared, chasing the white coat of fog away and almost visibly shrinking the catchments of rainwater. Quick as a blink.

Presto chango, thought Carmen, relieved at the typical sudden sun. She found several empty plastic grocery bags in the trash that lined her truck floor. She cleared all the junk out and tied it inside the plastic bags. Inside all the junk, she found a clean rag, a twenty-dollar bill, her jade ring, one of Shep's toys, and much, much more.

She wiped the cab out with the rag. Standing back, she admired her work. It looked amazing. She had dang near forgotten what her truck looked like when it was clean. Not bad! she thought. Not good, either, she reconsidered, thinking about the hopeless mechanical problems the truck had.

The outside of the truck was just as hopeless and just plain ugly. She kicked her loose fender. It rattled, jerked forward and fell off onto the gravel drive with a sigh of defeat and a final clatter signaling its independence from the rest of the truck. Carmen swore, loudly. She would have to get another truck. This one was parts.

Did she need to show off to Rose, too? Yes, she admitted it, smiling to herself. Good! Carmen thought how nice it would be to make out with her new girl in a clean, mechanically sound, good used truck. She walked to her front porch and sat down on the now dry and warm cement steps. Sun was up again. She lit a fresh joint. Mud can feel good when you are stoned. She didn't care about her muddy shoes or jeans. Her mind was on Rose Oliver.

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# Chapter Three: She came in through the bathroom window

Billy opened the front door and walked out into the new sunlight. He sat down next to Carmen with a slight smile. "Some rain storm..." he commented sardonically and lit a fresh joint of rocking socko homegrown cowboy weed. Cowboys had the best weed since they knew the farmers that grew it. And Billy had intimate relationships with both some of the farmers and other cowboys. He passed the lit joint to Carmen. She took a deep drag and felt the sunlight enter her soul.

Bill took a close, querulous look at Carmen's truck. "Looks like you finally lost that useless bumper, Darlin'!"

Carmen got another deep toke off Billy's reefer and snorted in derision. "That thing died on me in the middle of the storm. The bumper fell off here. I kicked it. I'm kickin' the whole dang thing. I need a new truck."

"Oh, my Holy Bee-zus! Take mine. I'll sell it to you. Pay me what you can, when you can. I'm your dealer man. Here, take this too..." Billy handed Carmen a bulging bag of weed and lit another joint.

"Wow. Your new truck? Are you serious, Billy?!"

"Will-i-am..." answered Bill with a giggle. He put his arm around his cousin's shoulders and squeezed.

Carmen laughed into the morning sun and walked over to Bill's large, Silverado double cab. "What will you do for transportation?" she asked.

Bill answered, "You can drive me around for a while. Here are the keys. I think I can get another good used truck from the guys at the ranch. They are always selling vehicles. Good ones, too. They rebuild everything."

"Deal!" called Carmen as she climbed into the new truck just to feel it for a moment. Felt good. Bill was the best family one could wish for.

Carmen's cell phone buzzed with a new text. She opened her phone and read, "Baby, Mom pissed. So bad. Pick me up after your work. Beep twice from front road. Love u. Don't text back." Carmen felt steamed without being able to return the call. The whole thing was so stupid, except for her beautiful Rose. Grinding her teeth, she frowned.

Billy said, looking at Carmen's angry expression, "What is it? Tell Uncle Billy. He'll make everything all right."

"Wish you could," answered Carmen. "My new girlfriend still lives with her mother. She is twenty-two but has an apron string tied around her neck in a threatening way. Her mother doesn't know she is a lesbian."

Bill frowned and replied, "No calls... Please don't drop by. I know. Maybe I'll see you at the mall."

"Sometimes I just get so depressed."

"Well, Carmen. You have about four extra bedrooms, just to remind you."

"Things haven't gotten to that point, yet. But..."

"Come on, sis. Let me sign the title to the truck over to you. I'll call Clovis, the junk man, to come over tomorrow and cart that decrepit piece of crap away. You might even get a whole hundred dollars for that dead-ass wreck."

Carmen got out of the new truck and slung her arm around Billy's small, muscular waist. She commented, "Wow! I can sell my trusty junk truck for weed!"

"Or, put it into savings for New York and smoke my weed," said Billy with a loud laugh.

The two walked into the house where they were greeted by Shep jumping around in a very silly way. The dog went and picked up his dinner bowl and carried it to Carmen to make his point clearer. He slammed the metal dish down in front of her.

"Okay, Shepard, food is on the way," she said, looking at the clock. It was about two pm. She had three hours before she had to clock in for her night shift. How could she bear her worry all night until she could slip over to Rose's under the cover of the deep southern darkness when she got off work? She accidentally broke off a fingernail in frustration. "Shit," she swore.

It would be easy to pick up Rose in the early hours of the morning. Less chance that anyone would be awake. Carmen realized with concern that Rose would need to sneak back into her home before her mother awoke in the morning. This was untenable. They had to think of something easier. The only other way was to invite her to move into Carmen's Victorian. That was the only alternative to this sneaky shit that she could think of. A little early in their relationship, but it would be a whole lot easier.

Carmen became determined to invite Rose to move in from that very moment. At 22, it might be about time to leave mama anyway. But Rose wanted to go to the University of North Carolina's medical school after earning her Bachelor of Science degree. She relied on her mother to pay her fees and tuition. Carmen could not afford to help her with that. Shit! What could she say? Money wins - watches as love just spins...around and around, where will it stop?

Carmen took a long, hot bubble bath and fell asleep until her alarm rang at 4:30 in the afternoon. She got up, got dressed in a fresh T-shirt and jeans and scrubbed her teeth. She packed dinner and walked into the falling dusk to her amazing new Silverado extended cab.

Oh, what a feeling! The truck engine was silent, powerful and speedy. The interior of the beautifully designed cab smelled new, even though it wasn't. Carmen switched the radio on and was overwhelmed by very smooth surround sound. She sang loudly with the next song, turning up the radio. God! The music issued from every corner of the cab, higher frequencies over her head somewhere, bass booming from her knees.

It was The Green, Green Grass of Home rendered in the deep, legendary voice of Porter Wagoner. She let loose with her rich contralto when Wagoner got to, "Down the road I look and there runs Mary, hair of blue and lips like cherries...It's good to touch the green, green grass of home..." (She added the "blue" part.)

***

TUESDAY MORNING, EARLY: Carmen pulled up in front of Rose's around some tiny hour after work at Jiffy's. The moon was full and way too bright. There were no street lights in this back country, but the moonlight was a giveaway. Carmen pulled behind a massive willow tree and got out of the truck after beeping twice to signal her lover. She must have waited a half hour. Carmen got anxious. This was taking too long.

Just then, she saw a large, dark object fall out of a side window. After which, she saw Rose peek around a corner of the house. She carried a small backpack over her shoulder. She looked confused until she spotted Carmen waving at her from behind the willow. She ran quickly in a cramped position, ducking under the windows of the house. Carmen realized, then, that the object that had fallen out of the window was Rose.

Rose ran into Carmen practically knocking her over, toppling into the larger woman's arms. She buried her face in Carmen's chest and shrieked, muffling the frustrated noise in her clothing.

"Je--ssus, Rosie, we have to figure this thing out. You can't live like this, jumping out of windows to escape your mother! Maybe we can get you some scholarships and you wouldn't be so dependent. Money shouldn't keep you tied to this woman," said Carmen gently, hugging Rose closer to her and feeling the warmth and rapid beat of the younger woman's heart.

Rose replied, "Oh, Baby. I just have to do things quietly for a while and try to get home when mom expects me to be there. If I'm gone this morning, she'll just think I left early for school or some shit. I can think of a million excuses for not being there for breakfast. At night...that's something else."

"We'll have to get you back home a little earlier, anyway. It would be better to make Vampira feel like you actually slept there." answered Carmen, passing her hands affectionately over Rose's flushed face, trying to get her to stop trembling. The young girl shook with each in-breath.

"Yeah, I should be home for dinner - that is usually when you have to go to work, anyway."

"That'll work for now. Maybe you can think of something to tell her for the weekends, so we will have more time together."

Rosie pushed Carmen back, still holding onto her by the waist. She looked at the truck and said, "What is this?! You got a new truck? No more trash-heap pickup? Nice...Bet it smells better than that thing."

"Billy is selling me his old truck."

Rose walked over to the passenger side of the vehicle and got in. Carmen joined her. Rose sunk gratefully into the padded bucket seat and sighed. She could smell the newness of the truck. It was a bit different from the vintage moldy food stink of Carmen's work vehicle.

Carmen reached over and kissed her quickly on the cheek. She started the truck quietly and rolled over to the local road connecting to the highway. There was no roar from the engine and no dust trail as the truck drove smoothly over the dirt road as if it was floating. Rose exclaimed about the silent beauty of the engine as opposed to the infernal racket of Carmen's old hellbent truck. The noise from that engine sounded like the whole vehicle could shake its parts loose any second and send them scattering around the road. Which, in the bitter end, it did - with the help of Carmen's boot.

The sun was just barely coming up, not quite sunrise, peeking through bright pink and yellow stratus clouds. Carmen felt a rush of adrenalin as she realized that they had successfully escaped Rose's mother and rode into their own misty pastel dreams of their life together. The wind flooded the windshield with a flurry of cherry blossoms, as if they were entering a private heaven. Maybe they were. Carmen needed to run the wipers, so she could see past the flowers, all romance aside, even as the flower shower stirred something in her heart, and made it feel good about this new thing with Rose.

Within 20 minutes, they pulled up in front of Carmen's Victorian. There was a large brown and white Pinto mare tied to the front porch. Rose was excited and delighted, losing her fears and depression from a few minutes ago. She loved horses. She loved the house, the garden and she was beginning to love Carmen too.

Carmen was distracted as the breeze blew the flowers from her own cherry trees through the open truck window into Rose's hair. She looked like a nymph from some 19th century black and white etching with a crown of flowers. It was positively a Sapphic moment.

Carmen slid her hand under Rose's T-shirt and ran her other hand under the waistband of her jeans. Rose opened her legs comfortably and gripped Carmen more tightly, feeling her delicious roundness. They pressed against each other, Carmen on top. There was a lot of extra room in this cab to stretch out a bit and no reason to wait.

Carmen ran her tongue between Rose's moist, eager lips. She moved and said into her ear, "The mare is Billy's. Remember I have the truck, now. He needs a ride for work. As sweet and nutty as he is, I guess this was his solution." She breathed hoarsely in Rosie's ear, "We need to go in. The bedroom would be much more comfortable." She laughed as she noticed the dent in Rose's right cheek from the armrest.

Rose laughed and removed Carmen's hand and her own, working her way towards the door handle. Both women left the truck.

As Rose and Carmen walked to the house, Rose spied Carmen's old wreck of a truck laying very idle, half-hidden in a copse of maple and white birch. Carmen commented, "The junk man's coming to pick that mess up soon."

Rose wrinkled her pretty, freckled nose and said, "Good!" as she grabbed Carmen's arm and put her own shoulder underneath it - next to her new lover's warm, protective side. Carmen loved this unusual habit of hers. She swung her arm around her and walked Rose around to the back of the house and down a stone path through the abundant colors of the garden.

Rose stopped and picked a bunch of flowers, smelling them. She said to Carmen, "Flowers are so beautiful in the dawn." She reached up and traced Carmen's cheek with her hand, a sweet grin on her heart-shaped face. "Like you. The first time I ever saw you..."

Carmen laughed out loud and retorted, "...I stepped on you."

"Oh," said Rose. "I saw you way before that. You just didn't see me." Rose turned to Carmen suddenly as they reached the glass doors to the kitchen. "Do you love me, Carmen?" she asked in a sort of whisper, looking like a much younger child wanting something really important. Something dear to heart.

Carmen hesitated, then answered, "I think so. We only just met, but I think so."

"Oh," said Rose, softly, in the same whisper as before. "I think I love you too," she continued in a barely audible voice.

***

AS THEY ENTERED THE kitchen, Carmen spoke up rather boldly, "Have you ever had sex with a man?"

Rose answered, "No, I'm a virgin. You're my first girl, too. I've had my girl crushes, but nothing ever worked out. It was tough to avoid all the boys at school. Still is. Wasn't that hard not to have sex with them. It was difficult to find reasons not to talk to them or go out with them, though."

Rose's voice had a mixture of anger and sad frustration in it. "It's so hard to avoid getting pressured by guys. They ask questions. That is why I stick with my girls. The ones you met with me in the store. They're also lesbians. Lovers, actually. I was looking for a woman of my own. I had my eye on you for a while. There is gossip around Piney Knoll, you know. They think you are a lesbian because you never go out with any men." Rose turned to Carmen and put her hands under her T, sliding them around her naked waist in a skin-to-skin hug. "That is why I need you so much. Boys don't offer me the kind of life I want."

"Me, either, Rosie. I also never slept with a guy. You are my second female lover, though. I had one after high school. We were together for 15 years. Then, she married a man. I was devastated. It was so unexpected." Carmen kissed the top of Rose's head. "I don't like talking about that time. I do love you. It will mature and grow. I am sure." Carmen looked deeply into Rose's wide, violet eyes and exhaled intensely. "Ah, Rose..." she gasped.

They kissed passionately, imitating the intensity their first kiss as early shafts of sunlight shifted through the stone paths that led through Carmen's fruit trees and magnolia. A goldfinch landed on the glass-topped patio table that they had walked over to. They sat down trying not to scare it away. It whistled at the other birds hiding in Carmen's hedges and alighting on the hand-crafted bird feeder. They both took deep breaths, relaxing just a minute from all the emotions stirred up by their new relationship and the spy vs. spy vs. spy atmosphere at Rose's house.

"How about breakfast? Are you hungry? Before we both fall asleep here." asked Carmen getting up, holding Rose's hand. They entered the kitchen, blinded occasionally by the stark summer sun flashing through the floor to ceiling sliding glass doors. Carmen pulled her bamboo shades down along the wall of glass. "Phew!" she exclaimed. "That sun..." She backhanded the sweat on her forehead.

Rose sank into a chair and took her nylon windbreaker off, putting her day pack on the floor. Not being able to help herself, Carmen stared shyly at Rose's perfect body outlined by her T and skinny jeans. "Not hungry. For food, anyway..." Rose answered, noticing Carmen's look with a smile.

"Me neither. Let's go upstairs. I usually sleep until noon. Then, I might get up and eat something if I didn't when I got home from work. Then, I might sleep until around 4 pm. Or, read, watch TV, do something around the house if I am not tired."

Rose grinned and said, "So, this is your bedtime. And, I'll be your Teddy bear."

"A girl Teddy," said Carmen, gently taking Rose's hand and leading her upstairs.

***

CARMEN'S BEDROOM WAS suffused with early daylight. A blue light from her chintz lay across her still unmade bed like a beacon of summer. The blue curtains on the windows billowed like pastel silk clouds in the morning breezes, which made the room feel cool and comfortable. The reputation of the full-force Carolina sun was something close to that of a broiling inferno that one might want to run from, taking shelter in a place like the blue-tinted conclave of Carmen's bedroom.

Carmen went to the bathroom and started the shower. As soon as Carmen finished, Rose walked into the bathroom, naked. She reached under Carmen's towel.

Carmen met Rosie's parted lips, tasting that mysterious peppermint flavor again. Their bodies swayed together, entwined in feelings beyond words, beyond starlight, beyond the pink and yellow summer dawn. Some place both tangible and intangible.

Rose said, "Mmm..." locked in a deep passion.

When sensibility surfaced inside their dizzy ecstasy of love, Rose grabbed a towel and started drying Carmen's short, glistening auburn curls. She loved to play with her hair. It was so pretty and healthy. Carmen sat down on her makeup bench and let Rose continue playing with her hair by brushing it. The spontaneous lovemaking in the bathroom had felt natural, easy and warm.

It set off a firecracker of emotion between the two women. It was both soft and fiery at the same time. This explosive sort of love was new to both of them. For Carmen it had been a long time and she trusted that Rose was not into the same drama as her former lover. For Rose, it was a fresh and exhilarating experience, everything she wanted.

Carmen put on a large, fluffy white cotton robe. Rose wrapped herself in a towel. They both walked into the hall.

"How old are you, Carmen? You look like early forties or something," said Rose as they entered the cool, light blue bedroom and shut the door. She looked over Carmen's fit and naked body with admiration. Not a line or sag anywhere.

"I'm fifty. You're 22, right?"

"Oh, yeah. You have a good memory. You don't look anything near that age," Rose said as she sat down on the bed with her slender naked body fragrant in the shifting lights of the rising sun. She spread her legs and lay back. Carmen climbed between her open limbs and scissored her own legs wrapping them around Rosie's. Rose began to cry, holding Carmen tightly. Carmen was both embarrassed and confused at Rose's emotional response. They both fell asleep this way, too tired to look for explanations or even continue making love.

Shep scratched loudly and whined at the bedroom door a few short hours later. He was not about to give up. He barked and scratched insistently at the door again.

Both women awoke at the same time. They turned and smiled into each other's faces. Carmen asked, "What, in heaven's name was wrong last night, Rosie?"

"If you only knew."

"I would like to know, darling. Tell me."

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# Chapter Four: Yin & Yang - you rang?

STILL TUESDAY, BEFORE WORK: "Baby, I need to let Shep out. He'll just continue complaining unless I do."

Rose sniffled and said, "Ok, hurry back." A stray tear fell down her cheek. It tore Carmen's heart. She disappeared inside herself. She gave Rose a quick kiss, pulled on her jeans and a fresh T-shirt and ran downstairs away from the frightening drama that her heart was so deeply invested in. "Ok. Hurry back," Rose had said as if there might be a hidden terminus somewhere. It echoed in Carmen's brain as she went into the kitchen to let Shepard outside into the garden enclosure. It didn't help that eight am was a ghoulish hour for her. Sleeping during the day was easy, but sensitive. She had to get Rosie home to momma sometime before nine. All the pressure was making her a little light-headed.

She filled the dog's bowls with kibble and fresh water. She also took out some leftover enchiladas to warm up for breakfast (made by her faithful cook, Cousin Billy). Carmen preferred a heavy breakfast sometimes. Her job entailed some manual labor. What to speak of the recent, intense carbohydrate burn in her bedroom and the bathroom. She smiled to herself, still worried about Rosie, but pretty sure what the issue was.

By the time Carmen got back upstairs, Rose was dressed and brushing her now mostly natural (dyed) brown hair. She also had some makeup on, obviously Carmen's, by the looks of the vanity.

"We have to get on the road. My mother doesn't usually get out of bed before nine. We have some time, but not much. No time for breakfast."

Both women hurried to the truck, shouting a 'good morning' to Billy on the way out. The scent of cleanliness in the cab made Carmen smile. Rose sank down into her plush seat. Carmen turned the surround sound on with a vintage Tracy Chapman CD.

"Five minutes," said Carmen, reaching over and holding onto Rose's arm, stroking it softly.

"What? Only five? You know I have to climb in the window before mom gets up. I have a key, but the front door makes too much noise. She always listens for that sound. The window is in a downstairs bedroom and out of the way. You can't hear anything inside that room. I made sure the door was closed when I left. I can always say that I slept down there last night because I prefer that en suite bathroom because of the Jacuzzi tub." Rose seemed to relax into Carmen's touch after she spoke. It seemed to relieve her of the weight of that story. No tears this time.

Carmen kissed Rose lightly and asked, "That's why you cry?"

"Making love with you this morning felt so good, I thought, 'how can I give this up?' Everything this good is so difficult. As if it wasn't meant for us here on this planet. As if that is why people think it is wrong. It is too close to heavenly for them. Too good for them to even think that love like this exists. As if we are really meant only to have this kind of love when it cannot last."

Carmen hit the steering wheel with both hands. The truck lurched off the highway onto part of the shoulder. "Shit! I hate your mother! She makes you so morbid!" Not that she, herself, didn't think those same exact thoughts from time-to-time.

Rose sniffled, letting a few more tears scatter onto her red UNC hoodie. "Don't be too harsh. She can be super nice, too. I have to deal with all of it if I want to stay in school."

"Yeah, that's the whole point. You can't be held for ransom. You are not on this earth to be that woman's surrogate achieving human," Carmen said roughly. "I'll start researching scholarships for you today. I can use the internet in Jiff's office when the store is empty. There are hours when we have hardly any customers. I can do it on a slow night."

"I worry about you being in the store all alone late at night."

"Let's take on one issue at a time. We need to get you out of your mother's house and shut her out of our lives."

Rosie turned the music up and touched Carmen's arm. She wiped her own tears away with a Kleenex and let the sound engulf her. Somehow, things would work out. She tried to hide herself inside the depths of the truck's velour seat.

There was silence between the two women as Carmen pulled up behind the large willow. Bright green sprigs of newly sprouted willow leaves brushed on top of the truck, making a swishing sound. A summer breeze flooded the cab as refreshing as spearmint. It made the parting less painful.

It seemed as if Rose had turned into the fleeting image of a butterfly as she hopped out of the truck, running quickly into a shaft of sudden light - then she was gone. The Carolina summer sun again had shown its power and swallowed Carmen's new lover inside of itself.

Carmen swallowed hard. She hoped the butterfly would return to her. She rarely cried, but now she let a tear or two fall on her hands as she pulled the truck away from Rosie's house. She looked back in the mirror and saw a blurry figure disappear into a side window. She swore and caught her breath on the pain under her ribs. Damn ulcer!

Is this what most fifty-year-old women are doing? She asked herself. If it is, she reasoned, then heterosexual women are having a lot of hidden affairs with much younger men that still live at home and have to bury the existence of their love. Overall, she didn't think that was true.

***

LATER TUESDAY: When Carmen got home, Billy was hitching his new "ride" to the front porch. There was a bale of loose hay and a water tub on the ground where his new "parking space" was.

The horse, which Carmen had known from a foal, was a mare named "Amazing" or "Maizie" and had always been a jealous looker with a nice temperament and intelligence. She was well-groomed, brushed to perfection with a glossy white and brown coat. Her hooves were nicely trimmed and filed. Of course, Billy's saddle and saddle blanket were flashier than most, sporting silver trimmings and pretty Native American designs. His riding boots matched his saddle. Gay boys are famous for their sense of fashion and fine design. Billy was at the top of that list. Living with him was a joy and the house reflected his talented artistic touches.

Carmen walked up to the horse and lay her head on her neck, hugging her with affection. Maizie had a fine, gentle personality and nudged Carmen back with sensitivity just as Shepard rounded the side of the house with a joyful bound and loud barking, wagging his wild tail. To Carmen, this was the perfect family. That included Billy. Would Rosie join up?

Shepard was a big dog, weighing in at around one hundred pounds or slightly more. He had a beautiful brown, tan and black mask and a light tan body. He was muscular and athletic - not an ounce of fat.

The excited dog now barreled into Carmen, knocking her into Maizie. The horse shifted on its hooves and chuffed at Shepard. The dog bowed in a long, low stretch at Maizie's hooves and then walked calmly over to Carmen's leg, bumping her hand with his nose.

Carmen heard her landline phone ring in the house. She punched Bill lightly in the shoulder and said, "I'll get it. Make sure Shep is in the garden or house when you finish taking care of your new 'truck' here. Don't forget to close the garden gate, so the horse won't get in."

Billy laughed and patted her, "Ok, sis. Nice to see you too." He made a popping kissy noise with his lips. "Go get that call."

Carmen ran, banging into the house - getting to the landline phone just in time. She panted a breathless, "Hello?"

It was Rose. Carmen took the cordless receiver into the living room and landed hard on her couch.

"Sweetheart?" answered Rose's soft voice. "I got home just in time. We made it! Mother didn't suspect a thing!" Carmen could hear Rose pounding on something in a series of victory thumps. "I was in bed already when she woke up. One nice thing, though. You know she won't go into my room without asking. We have an agreement. Goes for me and her private space, too." There was a pause. Then, Rose added with a snide huffing noise, "Maybe..."

After the tensions of that morning, Carmen was surprised that Rose's mother, Brittany, was anywhere near that rational. She was surprised, but sort of gratified that Rose might be able to find some space to reason with her.

Rose put that hopeful thought to rest with a quick disavowal that let Carmen know that Brittany Oliver was no cupcake. Rosie continued, "My mom still thinks that a homo in the family would negatively affect her high standings at country club charity events. Or even national or international charity auctions.

"Her fund raising for American Cancer and the Mayo is her life and livelihood - especially after her divorce from dad - and she can get quite bitter about any obstacles, whether they are real or a result of her usual paranoia. She can become quite vicious and totally unreasonable in the blink of an eye."

Carmen sighed and looked wistfully out a bright open window, enjoying the syrupy scent of sweet magnolia and her view of the Pinto who looked right back at her with huge brown, heavily lashed eyes. Maizie blinked as if she understood her thoughts.

"Gotta slide, Baby. I'm at school. Class in ten minutes. I love you, Carmen. I love you so very much."

Carmen felt a thrill course her body. She replied, "Pick you up at your house around 2:00 am - same as this morning."

"Yeah! Sure. I'm up! Beep twice, Honey. Get some sleep."

"Love you, too, Rosie."

***

LATER, CARMEN WENT back to bed, deep in thought, but happy that Rose was willing to continue their star-crossed relationship. Feeling warm about seeing her tonight (or, as it was in reality, tomorrow insanely early after work). All this strife for just about four and a half hours with her lover. She thought, Women rule. Even when we suffer, we rule. In death, we are the final verdict for humanity. Abused, our abuse stands as our antagonist's indictment.

How can we have twenty-one or more forced pregnancies with our husbands (being denied any type of birth control), or have our first (usually out-of-wedlock) babies confiscated - never to see them again - and not rule? I didn't say win, I said rule. Our word is the last word. If we can speak. If there is such an opportunity. Even without a voice, we are united in what we have to suffer to live a better life - or to love.

Carmen was determined. She thought, with an internal laugh, about Rose's use of the word "homo". She mused on the lyrics of the song Stuck with You by Huey Lewis and the News, Yes, it's true, happy to be homo for you! Maybe their version should be called, Homo with You.

Carmen's mornings would now begin when she got off work at one am and drove over to pick up Rose. At least for now. They would have approximately five hours in each other's arms. Dawn was at 3:30 and back home for Rose before 9 o'clock, until they could figure out something better, like a scholarship, a big argument with Brittany Oliver, or breaking ties with her somehow. Carmen would begin to comb the internet today and download applications for tuition remission, etc.

No way could Carmen see living with Rose for only hours a day. Or, more possibly, only on the weekends. Shit!

After dropping off Rose at her mother's house, Carmen had driven home, played with the horse, talked to Billy, gone upstairs with Shepard and fallen across her bed fully dressed, kicking her dusty sneakers off the edge of the blankets, cuddling with the dog - falling asleep, exhausted emotionally and physically.

She was rudely awakened after a short while by a loud crash out back, behind her house. She had been totally exhausted by the last few days. Giving up (albeit voluntarily) her early morning sleep had proven almost scary.

Normally, she would have rushed down the stairs and out the back door facing whatever made that noise. Now, she sighed and lay back, face down on the pillow in defiance - only slowly turning to one side.

She slid off her bed, put on her clean Nike baggies, sneakers and a hoodie (no shirt), dragging her partially unresponsive body down the stairs. She yelled in dismay when she saw the gigantic shadow that hovered near her kitchen's sliding glass doors.

"Oh, fuckin' Maizie! - Watch your clodhoppers on my vegetable patch! Ah, shit, my flowers!"

Carmen walked into the garden and put her arms out straight in front of her. The horse looked up and stood stock still, obeying her signal. Carmen relaxed her arms until they were sideways and spread out parallel to her shoulders. She moved forward and indicated the way the horse should go. Maizie delicately picked her way to the paved garden path, not stepping on the flowers or the tomatoes. She exited the garden through the white-painted wooden gate with a loud, disgusted snort. She seemed to say, As if I don't know how to act in a garden. Well!

Maizie was full of attitude. She then took a mouthful of grass and munched it, looking at Carmen who swore she heard her comment, As if I need to eat your flowers when I prefer your grass, anyway! The horse deliberately looked away from Carmen, who walked up and locked the gate again. Maizie snorted and shuffled a hoof in defiance.

Carmen yelled, "Billy!"

There was no reply.

Again, she yelled, "Bill! Your horse is loose. You left the garden gate open again!"

This time there was a loud, indignant reply from somewhere around the front of the house. "I did not! You and your girlfriend left it open when you snuck out this morning!" Bill continued in a softer voice as he walked towards the horse and Carmen, "Sorry, I didn't see it. I was in the front with Maizie setting up her hitch and fodder. I haven't been back here for days."

He turned and made a clucking sound. "Here, girl," he said, gently. The horse stopped grazing and moved gracefully towards Billy. "She hurt anything?" he asked, indicating the abundant garden foliage.

"Naw," replied Carmen. "She never does. You are an amazing trainer."

"Yeah. I know. That's why they hire me. That and my pretty face. I can get those cows to dance. That takes a good horse and a good horseman. I have to be all that."

"I appreciate your skills with that horse!" said Carmen with a tired laugh, yawning and stretching. "I like my garden and Maizie knows how not to trample it."

Maizie moved away on her way to the new front hitch. Carmen went back into the kitchen, made herself an egg sandwich, put the enchiladas back in the 'fridge, drank a glass of milk and fell asleep on the living room couch with the TV on low. The low blue glow was a comfort to her interrupted sleep.

Shep posted himself under the coffee table in front of the couch. Carmen began to snore joined by Shep as he fell into slumber, as well.

Hours later, her antique grandfather clock chimed in the entryway at the same time as a refurbished cuckoo clock in the kitchen announced four pm. Carmen's digital alarm rang loudly upstairs in an insistent synchronicity, warning her to get ready for work.

Opening her eyes to the announcement of "continued sunshine" by some weather guy, Carmen forgot where she was for a blurred, confused moment. She took a deep breath and clicked the television off.

The sun had reached the end of the room - on its way past the zenith. Time for work. Enter Jiffy's 7-11 Sunoco. Enter the Twilight Zone. She was waking for Jiffy's bright, fluorescent lights, cool canned air, the smell of candy and tons of townspeople whether or not she was in the mood to see them.

***

CARMEN GATHERED UP all the information Rose had given her to apply for scholarships. She would download and print out the applications. Rose could choose the ones she wanted to send in. Carmen's research would save Rose precious time out of her busy school schedule. Time was something Carmen had plenty of. She could usually sit in Jiff's office an hour at a time without interruption when the load of customers waned.

The Silverado Billy had sold her started effortlessly at a touch of the ignition. Her Tracy Chapman CD began to play automatically, sending Carmen into a gentle haze of memories. The highway melted before her, seeming to be a road to something dearer than her job. It was. By the early hours of this morning, when today turned into tomorrow, she would be on her way to pick up Rosie. She melted into the music again and the fading sunlight. Keep driving until you reach that heaven, she thought to herself. She could do this for Rose. For herself. Drat! She needed more sleep.

Carmen kept her eyes open and focused on the road by sheer willpower. Adding to her ability to stay awake was the fact that she had seen a squad car parked in front of Jiffy's, spinning its blue and red lights next to a parked car. She glanced at her speedometer. She was good. They must be checking speeds coming off the highway.

Half asleep already, Carmen pulled into her assigned parking, hiding her weed and pipe under the seat. By the looks of it, the cop standing outside the store was the only other town-wide 'out' lesbian besides herself - Lt. Margarita Jones, a local black woman. Not that everyone knew everything. They didn't - but those who were close enough, knew. That was 'out' as far as anyone would go, considering the rednecks and bullies that still existed in this backwater town.

Lieutenant Jones would never give her a ticket and would like as not smoke her pot - not arrest her and confiscate it. She was a pal. If you were gay, she had your back.

One couldn't be too careful, though. Carmen's thoughts skewed sideways for a moment as she lapsed into a sort of somnambulistic cadence waving at Lt. Jones - entering the store as a kind of zombie. She felt wild-eyed inside, lost in a desire to sleep. It was going to be a long night. She needed some real sleep ... she only had about four hours.

***

TUESDAY: 5:15 - THE START OF WORK: By the time Carmen opened her register, the entire store looked like an acid trip to her. Pink, Carmen's most unfavorite color, seemed to snap around the neon store lights like Bazooka bubble gum at its worst inside the mouth of a smart-ass middle schooler. It felt like mental illness. Pink felt like that to her sometimes.

Carmen sat down on her stool behind the counter and drank some water. Her head nodded a bit. She felt sleep try and overcome her, but she was used to this and perked up when a customer came in with a humid rush of fragrant wind off the magnolias on the avenue.

It reminded her of the essential oil Rose wore. She was able to take a payment and bag goods with cheer enough to fuel another hour or so of busy people coming home from work and stopping by to pick up a few things. She would get to the office later to work on Jiffy's internet and get this scholarship thing moving. Maybe then she would have time to get some sleep in Jiff's comfy padded office chair.

By midnight, Carmen had fallen asleep sitting up at the register about four times. Once, a customer had to wake her up to pay. No telling how many kids and adults got freebies that evening. She cried once or twice from sheer fatigue.

One good thing, though. Carmen was able to download four relevant scholarship applications that Rose was eligible for. She was an honor student and had some athletic ability as a runner and a horsewoman in dressage. All the applications were for branches of the University of North Carolina (UNC). This was all Carmen could do since her darling Rose would always be nearby if she was accepted at UNC. This was Rose's desire as well.

Right before sunset, Billy rode up to Jiffy's on Maizie. He said he kind of figured Carmen was having a hard time staying awake. It did help to laugh, and Billy was always willing to play the joker. Carmen thanked him for not bringing the horse into the store. Cowboy or no cowboy.

Jiffy came in around closing at 12:30. He cashed out for her and did most of the cleaning. He shared some blow (cocaine) with her to help her pass that final bar. Jiff was actually proud that she had met Rose in his store (gossip ran faster than the latest NASCAR winner in the Knoll). He was a good guy and always had Carmen's back. Working there wasn't much of a career, but she was a store manager and knew she had that job for life.

She shouldn't have been surprised at how he knew her situation so well. But, considering Billy's faith in man (so to speak), she should have known he would talk, at least to Jiff. Jiffy was always willing to help his most trusted worker, her.

Carmen was actually grateful to Billy's big mouth. Jiffy was the best boss possible. She hugged him and shed a tear or two when he said he would let her leave early and that he would clock her out himself and she wouldn't lose any pay. God! He was good!

They did another line of coke, smoked some weed and played a few of Carmen's favorite songs. They laughed at stupid jokes while they drank sodas from the storage fridge. Carmen was much calmer as she left the store for the night, knowing that despite Jiff and Billy's support, she could not take much more of this. The hours were turning her into a wreck.

***

WEDNESDAY MORNING - 2 AM: Her new ride took her over to Rosie's, where she watched Rose's backpack shoved out the window preceding her. Then, she saw her new love drop out the first floor bedroom window herself.

Rose escaped into Carmen's truck, shut the door and held Carmen close, saying with a snort, "We have to stop meeting this way."

Carmen huffed and said, "No shit! Your scholarships should come through about the time you graduate from Piney Knoll Jr. College. I got four good applications for you today. I'm sure you will get one. As an independent woman of age, you qualify for financial aid, as well. No one has to sign for you, except for a student loan and I can take care of some of that if we need that option.

"You don't have to live in a dormitory and that saves a bundle. You can live with me. I can't take this lifestyle much longer. We have to do something. You need to move in with me."

Rose kissed Carmen and whispered into her ear breathlessly, "This semester ends in two weeks. Technically, I will have completed my two years." She then got excited and continued, "I can move out of mother's house early. I can leave tomorrow morning. She won't know right away. I'll leave a note telling her that I finished PK and went to California or something with a boy.

"She won't like it. But she eloped when she married my father, her first husband, so she will have to let up on the anger thing. When she realizes that I finished school this summer, she will eventually forgive me, even though I won't have to go to graduation which will piss her off. My education is more important to her than running away with a boy."

(Both women sparked with laughter.)

"She will want to send money, so we need to think about that."

Carmen answered, "Mmm...that plays right into our hands. I have lesbian friends in Los Angeles that will lend us their addresses."

"Told you Brittany was sometimes a nice lady."

"Yeah. Better than most parents in the Sixties," commented Carmen cynically.

Carmen reached over and held Rose's face in both her hands. She parted the young girl's natural ruby lips, bright as Pomegranate kernels, with her moist tongue. Her mouth almost tasted like fruit. Rose swallowed and surrounded her lover's tongue with her mouth, throwing her hungry arms around Carmen's body. Carmen continued kissing Rose and caressing her with seeking fingers, electrifying both women as the Carolina sun rose hesitantly and elegantly through the big willow tree's chartreuse wavering leaves, reflecting spring green inside the truck cab.

Their own private heaven could only get better. Or, so they hoped.

"We better go. Sun's up and..."

Rose responded, "Yeah, let's go to your house. We'll have time later. Don't want to get caught by mother."

Not to let Rose in on how difficult this situation was for her, Carmen laughed and said, "Sweet Child, I might fall asleep on you today. I can't help it. I don't think I had more than five hours sleep yesterday if that."

"Poor you," exclaimed Rose reaching to Carmen's cheek and touching her with a tender, sympathetic hand and a blue-enameled index fingernail. Too sexy for right now. She spoke with conviction, "Tomorrow we will change all that ... Carmen?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"I love you."

Rose and Carmen made love as soon as they got to Carmen's home and went upstairs to the bedroom. They had let Shepard outside, so he was fed, watered and did not cry or get insistent. True to her word, Carmen, naked and pushed beyond her capacity to stay awake, fell deeply asleep wrapped in Rose's embrace, her hand on Rose's downy waist.

Rose could not help laughing very subtly, without volume, at the sudden cessation of their passion. She felt a shudder of unrelenting love even as Carmen began to breathe deeply in sleep.

Rose and Carmen were so different from each other: in age, future prospects and even personality. They were like Yin and Yang - opposites, yet they fit together so intimately and always seemed to complement each other like two parts of a circle of love and understanding. There was always room for knowledge and maybe even wisdom. That was a crucial component to their relationship - intelligence.

It was a difficult beginning, but the hope of freedom was in the air.

Rose put one hand on Carmen's stomach. She fondled Carmen's fragrant curls with her other hand. She shivered with emotion thinking about their ardor and Carmen's sensitive lovemaking...her nude body laying so close - entwined with hers.

She slept filled with joy and peace.

|  |

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# Chapter Five: The Great Escape

WEDNESDAY, LATER: The two lovers awoke late to the sound of Carmen's alarm clock. It was four in the afternoon. Just about enough time for both of them to take a shower together - not separately. There was no extra time today. Both women had forgotten to set the alarm for 8:30 so that Rose could get home before her mother discovered her missing.

It had been too easy to forget things when they made love. The sensations of their touching sent both of them into realms that they could not define in less than mystical terms. There weren't that many synonyms for their profound enfolding embraces. It was ravishing. Their lovemaking produced feelings that Rose had never even imagined. She shook remembering some of these new feelings.

Then, panic crowded her mind. She called her mother immediately. She made up some weak excuse for her lateness, which her mother accepted. She promised to be home as soon as the imaginary boyfriend's imaginary broken down car was "fixed". School was not a problem. Her homework could be made up later. She would call her classmates to get whatever she had missed in class.

Relieved that Brittany had not gotten angry, Rose could relish her time together with Carmen in the shower. Another chance to be intimate with her lover removed any anxiety she might feel right now. By tonight, she would be gone from her mother's house. She felt exhilarated and enjoyed the sight of Carmen walking naked to the bathroom. It gave her a new sense of being loved. She laughed into her pillow and got up to follow her into the shower.

One thing about Rose, she had always been turned on by Carmen's body (which showed no signs of aging). She had watched her movements when she and her friends had gone to Jiffy's. She had watched her for a long time before she actually spoke to her personally (when Carmen had stepped on her). She also knew Carmen from her reputation around town: mostly that she was a good person and a lesbian - both facts that were well-known, but to a limited number of people.

Carmen had always excited her. Her deep voice made Rose thrill with a desire to be close to her. As Carmen well knew, Rose could not keep her hands off her. She had a fervent yearning to touch.

Brittany Oliver had never been a warm person, so the embrace of another woman was special to Rose and truly a need. Rose had never met her father and sometimes felt that her mother did not love her, something Brittany usually denied when confronted.

***

THE STEAM FROM THE shower snaked its way down the hall. Rose had wrapped herself in a large, fluffy bath towel and hurried to the bathroom. When she opened the door, she was hit with a solid wall of vapor.

"Jesus, Carmen, you'll evaporate!"

Carmen called back, "Close the door, Rose! You'll let the heat out!"

Rose took a large gulp of fresh air from the opened door and closed it, dropping her towel on a hamper. It might be a little hot, but she knew Carmen was just trying to revive herself from the stresses of the last few days. Rose stepped into the shower and put her arms around Carmen, resting her head on Carmen's back.

Carmen felt herself encircled from behind and leaned back into Rose like she was a dance partner. They swayed in unison in the rushing streams of shower water. It felt so good that Carmen thought she would call in and tell Jiff to get someone to cover her for today. She needed a day off.

She could sleep and bring Rose over to Brittany's to pack and get whatever she could. She could pick her up around the usual 2am. That time seemed to cover them. It was their magic hour, so to speak.

Rose kissed Carmen on the shoulder and reminded her that she had to go home earlier to explain to her mother why she had been gone. She could catch up with today's classwork later. She had missed one lab class, which was important, but she was a good student and could get a key to the lab from her professor and do everything from the book.

Rose sneezed. Carmen laughed and turned around, lowering the temperature of the hot water and opening the window in the shower to let in some air. She kissed Rose and said, "Don't worry, Honey. Everything will be all right."

Her hands traveled down the seductive curves of Rose's slender hips. Carmen pulled her closer. They began to make love in the flowing water. Carmen smiled into Rose's violet eyes. Rose sighed and hugged Carmen into her even more. She shivered with happiness, but pushed Carmen away again, saying, "We have to go. You need to get to work. I need to get home and give some explanations. I'll be in time for dinner with Brittany. Reality bites." Carmen groaned and brushed Rose's blush-pink, damp body with her hands. She responded, "Okay, Baby, get dressed. I'm not going to Jiffy's. I'll call in. He won't care. He'll cover me. I need the sleep. I'll drive you home and pick you up at the magic hour underneath the willow as usual."

Rose dried off and opened the door to the bathroom saying, "Magic hour?" She took a look down the hall, making sure Billy wasn't there. He wasn't.

Carmen shouted, muffled by a towel, "Billy's gone until tomorrow, I think. New boyfriend."

"Oh," answered a slightly surprised Rose. "Okay." She skipped quickly down the hall into the bedroom. They both dressed.

They met each other outside the house just as the smell of a large pile of horse dung hit both of their noses at the same time.

"Shit!" exclaimed Carmen.

"Fuck!" echoed Rose. "Ugh! Look what Bill left us!"

Carmen laughed and said, "That's love!"

"Doesn't smell like it. That's way not us," answered Rose hurrying to the truck, slamming the cab door behind her to block out the smell.

Carmen joined her in the cool, clean atmosphere of her new ride. They kissed and laughed as if they had pulled Rose's move off already. They were both tired of trying to evade Brittany as if they were small children, but it was too soon to celebrate. They put Shania Twain on the sound system and relaxed a little to Feel like a Woman. Rose lit a joint and Carmen rolled down the gravel drive.

"Hey!" said Carmen as Rose handed the blunt to her, "Don't you think you will need your sobriety to deal with momma?"

"Re--ally, Baby?" retaliated a rather defensive Rose, instantly a little agitated. "No way! Just the opposite. I need some support. And...this is it. I don't need to confront this head on. I've had to face off with Brittany all my life. I know I don't ever need to take her seriously. As far as she is concerned, I've found the right 'guy' and won't be home as much for now. I won't tell her that I plan to move out entirely until we have a scholarship in the bag. She has wanted me to get a boyfriend since high school. I usually brush her off when she gets on that subject."

Carmen jerked her head up and said with vehemence, "Right guy?!"

"Well, you don't expect me to tell her that it is a woman, do you?"

Carmen toked on the weed and shook her head, saying, "No, Rosie, not..." Carmen took the highway with a vengeance.

Rose said, "Slow down, Carmen!" She leaned over Carmen's lap and went on, "You're going over 80!"

"Oh," Carmen answered and released the gas pedal. "Sorry..."

After about twenty minutes, they drove off the highway ramp onto Rose's front road. Pulling behind the giant willow, Rose looked sharply around her front yard for any sign of her mother.

"Don't get scared now, girlfriend. I'll be back as close to 2 am as possible. Go! Go! Pack your bags! Go now and let your bum of a mother know your feelings. Tell her anything you have to. Tonight, we will be on our way to freedom. In a little while from now we will start our new lives together."

"Until I know that I have a full scholarship to UNC for the Fall, anyway."

"That could take up to a month or more."

"Back and forth until then. A la carte, with excuses..."

"So, it is...Just remember..." started Carmen. Rose finished the sentence for her, "...I love you, too." Rosie reached over and kissed her.

***

A HARSH VOICE INTERRUPTED them, startling Rose so badly that she let out a sharp cry on Carmen's chest. Carmen wrapped her arms around her and bit her own lip. It bled a little. She hugged Rosie and slunk down in her seat, so that they were less visible.

Rose hurriedly left her overnight bag and leaped out of the truck, hitting the ground, running. "Yeah!" she yelled. "It's me, mom!"

Carmen swore to herself and heard Brittany's pushy, abrasive voice off in the distance, obviously angry, "Where the hell were you?!"

Carmen drove away rapidly, accelerating sharply and spraying a screen of dust and gravel behind her to veil the truck from view.

***

BRITTANY EXPLODED WITH, "This is crazy! Why didn't you call? I worry, you know." Rose let a tear trickle down her cheek as she walked closer to her mother. She wiped it away in frustration. Her mother would not see her cry if she could help it. Brittany went on in acid tones, "What the fuck were you thinking, missing school? Who was that that dropped you off?"

***

CARMEN DROVE LIKE A madwoman, pressing her accelerator with a vengeance. The foliage whipped by like wildfire. She pulled up on her own front lawn as if she was blind and landing on her grass by habit only. She was blind with emotion. Blind with a combination of rage and hurt. Blinding tears came when she least wanted them.

Shep must have sensed that something was wrong. He came bounding at the truck, barking noisily. Carmen screamed at him, "Shep! Come here!" truly in need of her dog after all that drama. She opened the passenger side door. Shepard jumped into the truck and put his head under Carmen's arm, snuggling tight up against her stomach.

The comfort of her dog made her realize with a jolt that she had driven home, instead of to Jiffy's. She swore to herself. As she got her cell phone out, she realized that she had already called in and was not due at work today.

"Ah, you!" she said with affection. She wondered about the situation with Rose and hugged the dog to herself.

Carmen thought of Rose's perfect body in her arms, naked and steamy in the shower, water streaming down the seductive curves of her hips. Her skin electric to the touch. She kissed Shep on the nose and gave him a soft nug.

No phone calls. Don't text back. She thought of Rose's warnings with resentment, frustration and anger. She would just have to hang on until the small hours of the morning. She cried vehemently into the Malinois' thick, soft tan ruff. Shep whimpered and tried to lick her face. "Who's the good boy, Shepard? Such a good boy!" Shep wagged his tail. Carmen broke into a small grin in spite of her depressing thoughts. Shep lifted her moroseness only slightly, but enough to realize she needed to use this time to get some sleep.

It seemed redundant, but the hot steam that relaxed her so much in the shower had dissipated from her muscles and she was left without that comfort. Carmen felt dizzy. She closed her eyes.

All for love? She thought. Then thought again, All for love. The second thought was an affirmation in her heart and soul.

Falling into a deep sleep leaning against the backrest, Carmen went limp. Shep curled up into his seat.

***

ALTHOUGH CARMEN HAD found a cocoon of warmth and safety, Rose had to confront her mother standing arms akimbo on the front porch. Brittany picked up Rose's favorite flower pot and threw it down the stairs, shattering the thing and breaking the plant apart.

She went to her mother and said, pleading, "It was a boyfriend, Mom. I'm sorry. Brandon and I broke down in the mountains. There was no cell service. We spent the night there and had to walk miles in the morning to get to a gas station. Don't be angry. It wasn't my fault. I got home as soon as I could. That was his mother's truck."

"A boy! I thought you didn't like the local boys! Remember that whole thing in high school?"

Rose turned bright red (thinking about her "thing" in high school) and answered in a hoarse, cracked voice laced with sadness and tiredness, "Of course I like boys, Ma. How else would I get married and have kids? Start a new family? I haven't met all the locals, Brandon is new here like me and a totally wonderful person." Her words seemed to soothe Brittany and she got less aggressive, grabbing a broom and starting to sweep up the broken flower pot.

"Okay. This time. I'm just glad you're not a lesbian. I was worried about that."

A tear ran spontaneously down the young girl's cheek. She quickly brushed it away and said, "Oh, no, mother. I like boys and this one especially. We use protection. He likes me to spend part of my day with him. We share three classes. His family has a cabin near Asheville. He wants us to go up there and stay on the weekends and whatever week days we have free, as soon as his car is fixed."

Brittany frowned at her daughter with tiny, waxed eyebrows. People often mistook her for Rose's sister because of her outstanding beauty (the natural side of which Rose inherited). Brittany was dressed in an Armani black and white tailored skirt suit, seven inch Jimmy Choo heels and had not a line on her classic face which was a twin to Rose's.

Britt was not one to dwell on an argument that she had secretly won and forgave Rose easily especially if all this was over a boy. "Well," she spouted her thoughts, vigorously, "As long as it's a boy. Come on inside. I made your favorite - Thai carrot-sweet potato soup." She clicked her spikes on the porch floor boards and rapidly tocked her way inside, swishing her hips. The linen skirt waved on her thin, shapely legs.

Rose felt the old beastie rise within her with a sense of wary jealousy over what her mother looked like and how much power she had. Power over her as well. Brittany had a habit of flirting with her friends - of both genders. Rose hated that, and it made her wonder about her mother's sexuality - Britt's speculation about her own lesbianism aside. What was good for her was not necessarily how her mother might live... Such as "Don't do as I do. Do as I say."

Rose just kept her friends away from her mother as much as possible. Brittany's invasive attitude made her feel uncomfortable. Just ignoring her mother worked. Britt was busy simply functioning as a special events machine, with little time for anything else.

Her mother's cell phone rang in the living room. She threw the Jimmy Choos off her feet across the entrance hall floor and ran to catch the call in her nylons. Within a few moments she was taking notes in her events book and was reassuring some country club manager that her charity bash rivalled Hollywood and was the best outside of Manhattan.

Rose slunk up to her bedroom and started packing her clothes, diaries, movies and music disks, school books and whatever she was reading at the time. She loaded all of it into two large wheeled duffles. She ran her hand over all her jewelry and essential oils and tried to pick out her favorites. She gave up and chose to put the entire box of both in a duffle pocket.

Brittany called her for dinner.

***

"LISTEN, MOM," SAID Rose with a mouthful of rice and vegetables. "Brandon wants us to practice living together. Like I said, he wants me to join him up at his cabin when we don't have classes." She paused, significantly, making sure Brittany was looking into her lying eyes, then went on, "I think he might be the one. That one, special guy."

"Be careful, Rose. Be sure."

"I will, Mom. I will."

"Bring him over when you can. I want to meet this fellow. Use protection. Don't try and get married behind my back..."

Rose choked on her food and spit a little back onto her plate.

Brittany laughed and said in a confident tone, "Don't be worried. Just ask him to dinner. Find out his favorite food and I'll cook it for him."

Rose had to admit her mother could cook. Really cook. Obviously, her culinary skill would not be near enough to get her past the truth of Rose's relationship. This was not a food issue. Rose said, "I don't think we'll have time until this semester is over."

She let out a large sigh when her mother said, "That's not a problem. School comes first. Don't forget to take your birth control pills."

"Mom..."

"Well, I worry...Call me whenever you have time - often, please, Rose. Keep me updated on where you are and what you are doing. Okay?"

"Oh, of course. Today was beyond my control." (No shit, she thought to herself as she finally started to relax and actually enjoy the soy Cappuccino her mother made for her served with organic dessert Biscotti).

"This is that serious, you think?" asked Brittany in a quiet, inquisitive voice - almost innocent.

Rose smiled. Her mother's cooking could cheer her up. It did, a lot. Brittany had taken Cordon Blu lessons at a famous chef's school in Paris when she was starting to compile her events manager portfolio. Rose was thus raised all over the world because of her mother's profession. Brittany had expanded her cooking talent to include dishes from all the countries they had visited.

Carmen was in for a surprise when her young country girl showed her vegan tendencies. The thought of Carmen slowed Rose down and made her drift into dewy nostalgic thoughts of last night. She paused, spoon in mid-air.

Brittany had opened her cell phone at dessert, so Rose knew she was on smooth ice, since her mother did not surface from her connections and appointments for hours at a time. Rose could do whatever she wanted during that time. There would be little conversation, if any.

Rose knew she was shut out. She could talk, but Britt was not really there. She was deaf, living on her own planet. Rose got up from the dinner table unnoticed. She grabbed another Biscotti, shrugged and walked away.

Her mother had always been like this. Rose was used to it. Anyway, she thought. She had to work at home, didn't she? She rationalized her mother's lack of attention this way...she always had.

When Rose got upstairs to her bedroom again, she sat down and put her chin in her hands, looking around her room - her home since her first day at Piney Knoll High School. She calculated her hats and shawls...looking at her bookcase for the third time, contemplating how to pack it.

She didn't have all that much. She had packed her seasonal clothing, all her CDs and DVDs, laptop and favorite photos and trivia. All that was left in her room were a few framed posters, furniture and the books in the book shelf, some old clothes.

She would sneak downstairs after midnight, sliding her duffles down the stairs in her socks. She could sleep in the downstairs bedroom until about 1:30 ... then quietly start pushing her luggage out the window. She smiled to herself.

***

BRITTANY TWISTED HER long, solid gold Gucci chain around her fingers nervously when she realized that Rose was gone from the table but answered her next voice message without a pause.

Rose surveyed her almost empty room and lay back on her bed, setting her alarm. She plugged in her I-pod ear buds and started her playlist, turning on her side and falling into a deep dream of a love-filled future with Carmen. It was still in the fantasy realm that Carmen wanted her as much as she had always wanted Carmen.

Brittany looked in on her later. She thought Rose's room looked a bit too bare for just a trip or two but thought nothing more of it. Rose had stashed her luggage in a closet. She didn't want her mother to see how much she was taking. Brittany closed Rose's door silently.

***

ROSE AWOKE TO HER ALARM at midnight. She looked around her darkened, soon-to-be-vacant room and stretched with a yawn. Without breathing, she edged out of the room, closed the door with her foot and pulled her two duffles down the staircase. She noiselessly padded through the living room to the first floor guest room and silently clicked the door shut behind her.

Rose's alarm woke her again with a jingling tune. She smiled to herself and began her last escape out the window. Luging her bags laboriously to the front road, she hurried down the driveway.

She hid behind the willow, sitting on one of the bags, her back against the trunk, sure even an awakened Brittany could not see her or sense her leaving. Of course, her mother could not meet this "boyfriend". Rose was tense, but tired. She hoped this escape would work for her.

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# Chapter Six: The Stars, The Sky & The Magic Hour

THURSDAY MORNING, EARLY: Rose leaned against the swaying willow, the floating silvered leaves touching her soft hair like the hand of her lover. It was a full moon with the orange sun just beginning to edge that brilliant sphere out of the dark sky. The burgeoning light gradually faded the sight of the moon. Rose closed her eyes and rested her head back against the cool bark of the protective willow.

Carmen had awakened to the over-bright moon shining directly into her face around midnight as she slept in her truck. She ached from the cramped position she had slept in. She and Shep reluctantly trekked back to the house, he was not as reluctant to relieve himself. She took another shower and managed to change into a sleep shirt. She put her arm around Shep and drifted off into a peaceful slumber in her own bed, not surprised that she could sleep eight hours in her truck. Her biological clock was being destroyed and she was still tired.

At 4 am, she was pulled to consciousness by her cell. It was Rose.

"Hey! Wake up, Carmen!"

Carmen yawned. "I'm awake. On my way to get you...You okay?" Carmen got up and pulled on her jeans and T, still talking on the cell. She ran down the stairs, noting how late she was. She was out to the truck in a second, breathlessly still listening on the phone.

"Yeah, Baby, besides the fact you are two hours late. My mom thinks you are a guy. She can't wait to meet you. She thinks I am going on a short trip with him and we'll be staying at his family's cabin near Asheville. Your work hours actually make this easier. Brittany is home all day. I don't think she heard me leave." Rose heard Carmen's truck door slam and the engine come to life.

"Okay, Babe. I'm off...Be there soon. Sorry about over-sleeping." said Carmen as a goodbye. She pulled out onto her front road on her way into the pink and yellow marshmallow sunrise over the highway.

***

ROSE WAS RAISED BY an adult only part time. She was accustomed to being trusted alone and being tutored by a nanny for grammar school. This had been the best solution to her mother's need for travel.

When Brittany had offered her a gift for her thirteenth birthday, Rose had chosen to help her mother find horses and a country estate. Because of this gift, Brittany had allowed Rose to choose her own school district in order to go to a public high school instead of staying home alone with a tutor. Rose was delighted to be around people her own age. She chose Piney Knoll and a nearby country estate to break her childhood isolation.

Rose realized she was a lesbian in high school. She had girl-on-girl crushes all her life. Her mother's tendency towards coldness and distance had left a lot of space for love. She had never met her soulmate until Carmen. With her other female infatuations, there was always something missing. Usually because the girl was heterosexual and not interested.

Now, because of Carmen's love, her dreams were shared. Nothing was missing despite her mother's interference. To this day, Rose believed she fell asleep sitting up against her guardian, the big, spring green willow. After waiting for Carmen, even for that extra twenty minutes it would take for her to get there, she began to doze. Finally, she just gave up and fell asleep. She was so tired, she wasn't even sure she was asleep.

Carmen rolled in with the truck.

Rose's eyes fluttered open as if from deep thought. Still thinking, Missing something?

The answer seemed to be in the air surrounding her which was luscious under that huge arbor. Then, she realized she had heard something, not awake enough to focus on the truck that had just pulled up.

She looked up startled and saw two tall legs. She gasped, then saw a familiar large, white Stetson and smile. Carmen!

"Okay, Rosie," said Carmen, reaching down and lifting Rose up, grabbing her under her arms and legs, hoisting her off the ground and carrying her to the truck. Rose giggled and gave Carmen a kiss.

"Hey! I can't see!" objected the larger woman, kissing her back and packing her into the truck cab. Carmen started to sing as she put Rose's bags in the back seat. Soon, they were rolling back into the sunrise on the highway, towards Carmen's.

Maizie and Billy had returned by the time Carmen and Rose arrived at the house, Billy being a night person and Maizie having to go along with his early hours. Shepard ran and shadowed Rose, wagging his tail in greeting as they walked up Carmen's front path. Maizie snorted and stamped.

Not willing to carry her anxiety alone, Carmen led Rose upstairs with her bags and said, "So where do you think Brittany will be at about us? The real us - not the fake boyfriend shit?"

Everybody liked Brittany Oliver, that was a problem for Rose. She didn't like her. The friction was a standoff over some issues, including homosexuality and how much time she took with her charity work. Britt was a youngish 45, five years younger than Carmen. Carmen would not be the kind of girlfriend that Brittany would expect even if she knew anything. Britt could not even guess what she would be up against in a woman like Carmen. She might find out one day. She damn well might.

Rose let these thoughts run through her mind and sat down on Carmen's bed, gratefully accepting a lit bong from her. She did not answer until she had taken a few hits. Her mind relaxed and she realized she was safe in Carmen's arms. Literally. Maybe forever. Literally. Maybe...

An early dawn sunlight filtered blue through the chintz onto matching walls. The sparse coolness was precious, just before the North Carolina sun rudely pushed it away and their home would start to absorb the wicked heat of summer.

Rose felt a thrill of safety and love as Carmen lay down beside her, her arm over her waist, hugging her into her stomach. Rose turned around to face her and fell asleep kissing her in the deep blue of that Carolina morning. Sleep fought with desire and won.

Carmen kissed Rosie's fragrant hair and joined her in sleep entwined in her legs.

It began to rain without warning.

***

BOTH CARMEN AND ROSE awoke in the afternoon to a ferocious wind whipping Carmen's curtains into the room, along with a great deal of water. The water began to pool on the wood floor boards.

"Shit!" exclaimed Carmen jumping out of bed. She glanced at the clock as she grabbed a window sash, pulling down on it to lock out the renegade Spring shower. It was 3 pm, an hour and a half before she had to go to work.

Rose opened her eyes with a smile, watching Carmen race across the room and shut the other window. Both women heard the wind howl outside. Rose embraced Carmen when she returned to bed. Carmen seemed preoccupied and not very responsive.

Hurricane! was the thought that had popped into Carmen's brain with a fury. She buried her face in Rose's shoulder, not wanting to dwell on that idea. Her mind, though, went into emergency mode anyway. What she saw outside her window looked ominous - an overly dark sky, rain in the distance and a heavy wind already bending the larger trees.

She breathed in the sweet scent of Rose's essential oil and calmed but unconsciously started listing her bad weather gear. High winds accompanied by ferocious rain was common in Piney Knoll this time of year and could turn into an evacuation on a dime.

Rose must know, she had to tell her. An inadvertent shiver traveled from one woman to the other. They kissed. It overcame their fears, at least momentarily. Rose took her shirt off and put her hands under Carmen's catching Carmen's gasp in her mouth as she caressed her.

"We have to go," Carmen whispered into Rose's mouth, pulling away as both women heard an explosive crash outside. Rose did not question her lover's judgement and sat up on her elbows.

"What was that?! Go where?" Rose asked. "It is too early for work..." Rose paused and pulled herself up against the headboard. She asked, "What was that noise?"

"Probably a tree."

"Oh, god!"

Rose's heart beat wildly - only half of that was fear of the weather. The other half was from Carmen's touch.

A man's high-pitched scream broke through the bawdy voice of a radio broadcaster downstairs. The unfamiliar voice yelled, "Carmen! Sister! Carmen! Oh, God!"

It wasn't Billy. Then, Billy's own high-pitched voice broke in over the deafening and growing clamor of the rain storm, "Carmen! Go to the shelter! Do it now! I have Shep!"

Carmen bolted for her bedroom door. She yelled at Rose over her shoulder, "Come on, Rose! It's the storm! We have to go to the shelter!"

Rose was flummoxed, but ran to Carmen, wearing only her oversized sleep T. Carmen took her hand and they ran down the stairs and out into the plummeting rain into the back garden.

They reached the iron doors of the underground hurricane shelter. Carmen pounded on a door with her foot, reaching down and grabbing the heavy door from Bill who opened it from inside and let them in. A tree cracked behind them like a rifle shot. Both women jumped. The tree fell over in the distance.

"Maizie?" asked Carmen, breathless - pushing Rose ahead of her into the next set of doors and the warmth of the large emergency living space. "The horse is over at Wickham's inside their concrete stable. She's safe as long as nothing hits them," answered Billy. "We need to repair your old barn for her, eventually."

It was warm, dry and comfortable inside the expansive shelter area. Bill and Carmen had made sure the shelter had light and anything they might need - including three double-bunk beds and cooking equipment, drainage and an amazing sump pump. There was non-perishable food storage and a separate room with a gasoline burn toilet and a drain for bucket bathing and washing. The generator was in another ventilated space.

There weren't many people that had such a well-equipped shelter - although hurricanes were common enough to warrant it. Carmen's father had built this one when a previous home had been destroyed in another storm. The home had been rebuilt and the shelter updated since then.

There was, though, one local, rural genius that had carved a hole in a local hill with a front hoe and backed an old school bus into it. He covered the bus with dirt, burying it up to the front door. The back of the bus was their shelter. The glass was covered with plywood bolted down from the inside and outside. He was the only other person with a shelter.

Carmen picked Rose up in her arms and carried her to a bottom bunk. Rose began to cry and held on to Carmen, overcome by confusion. This was not the moving day she had imagined for the two of them.

Carmen smoothed her rose-scented hair and said, "Don't worry, Baby. We're safe now." Shep came over and nudged Rose's hand in affirmation.

Rose asked, "What is this? What is happening? Is this a hurricane?"

An unfamiliar young man faced them on another bunk, lying next to Billy. Rose had an overwhelming bout of shyness and looked away from him. She stiffened in Carmen's arms and moved away from her, becoming self-conscious. Carmen squeezed her shoulder and looked her in the eyes with a question. Rose looked away.

Billy broke the awkwardness with a brilliant version of "Huckleberry Hound is Back in Town..." and introduced what Carmen figured was his new boyfriend as, "This little-blond-gay- boy-beyond-gay-boy" (LBGBBGB) "His name is Alfonso, or Alfie. He's a cowboy, too. I work with him at the ranch. And now ... he is mine."

Rose put her face in Carmen's armpit and giggled, making Carmen hold her tighter and laugh in antiphon.

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# Chapter Seven: Calm After the Storm

The cacophony of the storm pounded on the shelter all night long. Everyone in the underground space fell asleep to the crashing sound of branches, full-size trees and debris flying around and landing nearby. By Friday morning, it grew almost eerily silent. The morning dawned quiet and cool with the commotion of last night's storm quelled completely. Both Carmen and Rose were happy to enjoy some extra sleep - especially since they were still wrapped in each other's arms, their relationship still tight after a turbulent first week.

Carmen and Billy had designed the bunks like small, elegant double-bed train compartments with led reading lights, air cooler/warmer vent fans, DVD players with overhead LCD screens (there was an emergency collection of movies in the living area) and very discreet blackout curtains.

Shep stuck his silly head in to peer at the two women. Rose opened her eyes when she felt Shep's cold, wet nose on her arm. He licked her in the face, juicily. She laughed and stretched her arm over to scratch his big noggin.

Making sure she and Carmen were covered, Rose peered out of their enclosure and took a look around the room. Billy and Alfonso had already left.

Carmen woke up with all the movement. She reached over and kissed Rose's fragrant face. Touching each other tenderly, they made love. Shepard barked at them intermittently, which made Carmen groan and Rose laugh.

With another quick kiss, Carmen pulled on her T-shirt and sweat pants, saying, "Baby, I have to check the house and my property."

Rose dressed quickly as well, following Carmen out of the shelter room and into the hallway leading to the heavy metal doors at the entrance. There was an unusually fresh scent in the concrete hallway indicating the end of the storm. The outside doors had been cleared and could easily be propped open. Billy and Alfonso must have worked on that earlier. Billy was truly the best roommate ever.

As Carmen and Rose emerged next to the back garden, they saw that the house had been untouched despite the fact that several large old trees had been uprooted and flung across part of the property.

Their cell phones began to buzz frantically. The cell reception in the shelter was spotty at best, so most calls had to wait until the occupants came out from underground. Rose answered hers at the same time as Carmen. She spoke to her mother in tones of reassurance, telling her that her new boyfriend had a hurricane shelter and that they were all right. She found out that Brittany's home had survived as well, with only a few dings and broken windows. And, no, she would not be able to come home right away.

Shepard ran around the house in circles, barking, as soon as he spotted Billy and Alfonso outside. Carmen stood in the garden talking on her cell. She sat down on a garden bench, suddenly, looking faint - her face a pasty pale color. She hunched over, leaning on her elbows, mumbled something into the phone and turned her cell off.

Rose sat down next to her, asking, "What happened?"

A stray tear rolled down Carmen's cheek. Rose touched it with a gentle inquiring finger, concern shadowed in her eyes.

"Jiffy's was destroyed. I just lost my job. Jiff is okay - but the store is gutted. It is a total loss. The propane reserves blew up. It will take months to rebuild. He said his insurance will cover everything, though. In the time it takes to rebuild, I'll need something else."

"Shit," replied Rose. She reached over and hugged Carmen's strong waist, laying her still weary and confused head on her lover's shoulder. "What will we do?" She felt Carmen tense a little as she rubbed her back.

"Guess I just need a new job. Maybe Billy's ranch would have something. Was that your mother on the phone?"

"Yeah, Baby. Brittany's house survived, too."

"Mmm... Well, I have enough savings to carry us through the rest of the summer if worse comes to worse with the job thing."

"I have some savings, too," answered Rose, still holding onto Carmen, even more tightly.

"I wonder what the highway looks like?" mused Carmen, almost to herself.

Billy startled both women by coming up behind the bench. He said, "The state police are clearing the highway right now. There seems to have been only one funnel, so that was the only path of destruction. The ranch survived, as well. Can Al and I use the truck to get over there when the roads are useable again?"

"Of course, Bill," answered Carmen, still hugging Rose to her side. The young woman's precious nearness soothed her. She breathed in deeply.

"I heard about Jiff's and your job loss," said Billy. "Maybe you could cook at Wickham's or something. Or, muck the stables. It's not like your hours at Jiff's were a great cause for celebration."

"Yeah, Bill, we were just talking about the possibility of working at Wickham's."

"I'll ask for you."

"Thanks, Hon..."

"Okay, Sweetie. I'm gone."

When Billy and Alfonso finally got through on the re-opened highway, the whole town looked as if it had just awakened from a deep destructive sleep. Everything in the center of town had been flattened. Jiffy's was a shocking pile of rubble that extended over two blocks. An occasional breeze lifted some of the lighter debris into the air and scattered it again over the heavier stuff such as piles of broken window glass, uprooted magnolias and two-by-fours.

The ruined, exposed stock was being looted by local children and a few obviously drunken adults carrying away six packs and other cases of alcohol. The police arrived soon after Bill, Alfie and the truck pulled past the ruins. "Wholly!!" exclaimed Billy.

Lieutenant Jones got out of the patrol car and stood tall over Jiffy's ruined stock, dangling her cuffs, watching the local rabble run away.

"Good!" she shouted at them as her partner walked over the mess to Jiff, high-fiving him as he loaded some of the salvage into a panel truck in an attempt to save some of the store.

Billy leaned towards Alfonso and said, "See that big, black cop there?"

"Yeah," answered Al. "She looks like a dyke."

"She is a dyke. She's our local gay protection, assuming we don't break any serious laws. She usually has our backs. No one would hurt us while she is around. She makes sure no local rednecks would dare touch us. You want her in court with you too."

Lt. Jones saw the Silverado as it reached the edge of the wreckage. She smiled and waved at Billy. He honked at her and waved back, accelerating towards the ranch.

They passed one more kid, hugging a stolen Piney Knoll hoodie - running into a stand of trees and uprooted bushes. A long line of ruined homes followed the debris of the store, until they were stopped by half a mobile home which had been shoved into the road. The two men cautiously crept around it, turning down the dirt road to Wickham's.

***

BACK AT CARMEN'S, ROSE was delighted to find out that the storm had not injured their propane system. The electricity had been spared, as well, since Bill had an emergency generator hook-up in the basement. The town's electricity would be repaired and turned on again later.

Rose made carrot juice in the juicer, two small cheese souffles, bacon, toast and coffee for the two of them. Neither woman had even thought of food since before the storm, regardless of the abundant food storage in the storm shelter.

Carmen clicked the news on. The hurricane had been one of those weird weather "miracles" - much lighter than expected. According to the local news station, many people were not nearly as lucky as Rose and Carmen. So far, no deaths had been reported. But, large swaths of Piney Knoll had been destroyed, especially around Jiffy's. Warnings against looting were given in a short sound bite by Margarita Jones still standing amidst the rubble of the 7-11.

Rose set the dining table with fresh flowers and this succulent breakfast in the living room, so they could both watch television as they ate. Carmen felt light-hearted since she would no longer need to rush because her job was gone. She felt fine about that. It wasn't like losing some valuable part of her future. Right now, she could spend all the time she wanted to with Rose. They would survive. She would find something else.

Shep showed his silly, big nose above the table, begging for scraps.

As Rose served the coffee, Carmen's hand grabbed her shoulder compulsively. Rose placed the carafe next to the flowers, surprised by the touch. Carmen continued to hold her shoulder, her firm grip tightening.

Rose furrowed her brows slightly and tried to push Carmen's hand away, saying, "Carmen, what's wrong? You're hurting me!" She stumbled against her own chair and sat on the edge, leaning toward Carmen awkwardly.

"What is it?" she whispered, urgently. A thrill of fear traveled through her suddenly. After the clamoring roar of the hurricane had deafened her last night, she had almost no adrenalin left. It would take days to replenish it to a normal level. She just went limp.

"Honey," said Carmen, breaking the silence. She let go of Rose by letting her hand slide down her arm to her lap. Carmen shook her head, looking vacantly and without appetite at the flowers and the food. Shep came over and put his head on Carmen's knee.

Carmen tried to reassure her girlfriend. "It's the relief, Rose. This is not the first hurricane I've been through. Every time it's over, I let the panic seep out. I've been through more than twenty hurricanes since childhood.

"Sorry...I didn't mean to startle you. I just needed to hold onto you for a second to make sure you were still here. It's just leftover panic."

Rose answered in a small voice, "Oh. It's my first storm. You scared me just now. You should be happy..."

"I am," answered Carmen, coming out of her funk. "We need to go out to Holiday's in Chapel Hill and celebrate our survival. They have line dances on the weekends. I would think it will be especially busy this weekend, due to the end of the storm. I need to get moving, get my blood circulating again, dance..."

"Isn't Holiday's mostly gay men?"

"Yeah. But I guarantee that this weekend should attract some lesbians. We are not the only survivors."

"Okay. Sounds like fun. I think we need it." Rose's demeanor changed from concerned to smiling. She kissed Carmen on the cheek.

"I'll call Billy and check on when they'll be bringing the truck back. He and Alfonso can come with us." Carmen reached hungrily for her plate, relaxing a little. Shep's tongue reached her hand. "Hey! Down, Shep!" she commanded. She relented and gave him a piece of toast.

Carmen's tension had hurt Rose's feelings a little. She understood it now, but at first it felt like some sort of weird rejection. Rose was young. But she had, as a lesbian, suffered repression and rejection in high school, when she had lost her first love - a straight girl. Rose felt she would never get over that. Her girl crush had become rude, mean and very vindictive - gossiping about Rose's lesbianism all over the school.

Rose caught a bright patch of sunlight reflected on the glass wall of the kitchen. She lost herself inside of it, still feeling that hurt. Her fork dangled in her hand.

Carmen held her breath in wonder, as the shafts of the rising sun flickered over Rosie's sweet face like fire. The light made her look iridescent like a hologram, not like she was there in her body. Her skin was milky, like a pearl. Cheeks naturally cherry. Carmen could feel the precious butterfly of Rose's breath on her face as Rose bent over to ease her worries with a kiss - a soft touch on her arm.

It was terrifying to Carmen that she did not know more about Rose. What about her other relatives? Were they all as uptight and combative as Brittany? Or worse? Psychotic like her Uncle Edgar. Well, there was time to find out. The thought made her cringe.

That made her think of her own relatives that might call to check on her. It actually wasn't an unpleasant thought, except for Uncle Edgar.

She thought about her brother Zach who had a shaved head, python tattoos winding up both forearms, a serious misdemeanor record and a gun collection. That line of thinking did not give her the greatest feeling, though Zachary had always been good to her.

She was not out to him, but she didn't think he'd really care. Those things were easier kept quiet. Not that Zach didn't guess about Billy. He just treated him like a good 'ol boy. But two of them?!

"Them!" What she, herself, was one of...

Billy and Alfonso - ah, well, it hadn't happened yet.

Rose studied Carmen's face as she ate. She saw things she hadn't seen before. Worry, maybe some anger.

Carmen thought about her Uncle Edgar again just to torture herself. He was her father's brother, a lunatic who occasionally visited her when they let him out of the local psyche ward. She felt the intensity of Rose's eyes studying her and looked up, meeting her lover's questioning gaze. Ah, Well, thought Carmen. Hopefully Rose's relatives weren't anywhere near as gruesome as hers. Despite Brittany...who was just as bad.

Carmen's tension eased. She let her thoughts drift to Rose's dimples, the ones that would flash on either side of her sculpted lips when she laughed. Her brilliant flashy white teeth. The fragrance of fresh flowers seemed to emanate from her blend of amber oil.

They touched.

"Don't worry, Baby," whispered Rose, her mouth next to Carmen's face. "Everything will be all right."

Carmen smiled at Rose. Already - the first week of their romance - and she was beginning to form a habit of relying on Rose to shake her out of her moods and set her mind on something actively positive - maybe going out to Holiday's to line dance. She felt a rush of love.

***

IT WAS AS IF THE DEVIL made the doorbell ring. Carmen swore and got up, almost dizzy in the emotional transition from Rose's comfort to yet another perhaps hurricane-related messenger. Her heartbeat quickened until it hurt her chest. She staggered to the door, feeling suddenly like the weight of last night was holding her down. She sat down on a boot seat between the inner and outer doors.

"Who is it?" she asked, uncharacteristically not opening the door first. The worry came back like a load of cement bricks landing on her shoulders. She panted, short of breath. She didn't care who was at the door. It was enough that their house was all right. Jiffy's job was not the career of a lifetime. She would find another one. Screw it, she thought.

A familiar male voice said, "Carm? Let me in! Came over to check on you."

"Fuck!" whispered Carmen under her breath as she recognized who it was.

She unlocked the door.

There stood Zachary La Pierre in all his nouveau-redneck Afghani vet shaved head (with a new tattoo starting right on the crown and coursing down his neck), snakes tattooed in a sleeve all the way up his trim, muscular arms. He smiled into Carmen's startled eyes.

"Hi, sis," said Zach.

Carmen opened her arms and Zachary stepped into her embrace.

"Just came to see if you were okay and help out, in case you needed anything."

It was her crazy old brother, whom she could never help loving. She knew he was always there for her. But, with Rose in the house? Why now?! She would have to come out to him, but the timing was not good. Shit, shit, shit ... hurricane damage and "forced into coming out" blues at the same time! She hoped Zach's visit would not be a train wreck.

Her brother put his bags in the hall and walked into the living room.

Rose and Zach met each other's eyes at the same time. "Oh, hi..." said Zach (who was married with two kids), sparkling at Rose, obviously a little too impressed with her good looks. Neither woman had finished their breakfast. Carmen said, "Zach, this is my neighbor, Rose. Rose, this is Zachary."

Carmen offered a slice of omelet and coffee to her brother. He said, "Only coffee with cream, no sugar, and toast is okay." He spread out in front of the television, extending his arms on top of one of the couches. Carmen got his edibles, like a good servant, and sat back down between Rose and Zachary, obviously closer to Rose.

Rose raised her eyebrows. Carmen whispered, "My brother. He's okay. He's here to help clean up. Don't worry, he's married and faithful, just a little 'country biker' on the side." No point in telling her that she needed to come out to him. Got past a hurricane and Brittany Oliver and ran right smack into Zach. Ah, the pitfalls of being gay!

There might be a way to do this without getting Rose stuck in the middle. Carmen looked deeply at Rose and thought, Well. So much for making love this morning, even if we both had the energy.

Rose spoke up, as if she had read Carmen's mind, and commented quietly, "Want to take a shower?"

Carmen grinned and responded, "Mmm..."

***

ZACH HAD NEVER SEEN any of his sister's partners, let alone met them face-to-face, so Carmen had just avoided telling him about anything. He was an obtuse high school jock and just thought Carmen needed a few good blind dates with guys, which he had tried to provide, and she refused.

No problem. She still supported him and had practically raised him. She cooked for him when her drunk parents had forgotten. She went to all his basketball and football games.

Both women had sat down again and finally finished eating. Rose cleared the table and they told Zach they would be downstairs in a little while, they needed to freshen up.

Carmen looked over at her brother, smiled and said, "We just climbed out of the storm shelter this morning, about two hours ago. We need to change clothes and clean up. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Your room is down here, and I finished the en suite, so you have your own shower and bath. I'll bring you towels, later."

When Rose joined her and lightly touched her shoulder, Zach's eyebrows went up and he looked at his feet. He swore and kicked off his elaborately stitched cowboy boots, lay back on the couch with his arms crossed under his head, his coffee and the remote right next to him on the coffee table.

Zach groaned in reply to his sister and changed the channel on the television.

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# Chapter Eight: Godzilla in Love

For clumsy social repartee, Zachary La Pierre was a master. To top it off, Zach's first evening in her home, the evening after the hurricane, everyone wound up drinking an entire box of white wine, smoking an ounce of Billy's genuine original Matanuska Valley Thunder-fuck sent to him from a Native Alaskan gay boy who lived in the Valley, itself. This was the original marijuana grown there in the 20 hours of northern Alaskan summer sunlight and virgin soil, not a strain. It was a ticket to fly. And this was just to start the party before tripping off to Holiday's very much later that night. The entire county would be celebrating the passing of the hurricane.

***

BILLY AND ALFONSO HAD gotten home from work when Rose and Carmen were showering. They had helped clean up around the ranch, ate something and were let go early in the work day to get some rest so they could help with rounding up stragglers the next day. Billy and Alfonso were the Wickham's best cattle-drivers and wranglers. They had a big rep and it was a good one. They might be some of the best in the country as a whole. A bit heavy on the ego, but close to accurate.

Zach was happy to see Bill and immediately figured out everything when he saw teeny-tiny, blond, curly-headed, angelic Alfonso who was even swishier than Billy (who was everything short of a cowboy drag queen and wore eye makeup rounding up steer). Hard to believe it was possible to be swishier, but he was.

Alfonso was wearing skinny jeans, a light blue fringed canvas vest and matching light-blue plaid skin-tight, cowboy-style shirt with pearl snaps. He also had bracelets, a gold necklace and earrings. Billy wore a matching outfit but way larger. The delicate body-hugging shirts and vests were protected by big dark-colored denim work jackets. No fancy cowboy boots today, though. Just steel-toed work boots. Even women do not necessarily wear makeup when they clean, but these boys do.

Zachary was tongue-tied for a few moments and took Billy's arm, pulling him into the dining room. Zach looked concerned and pulled Billy's head close to his mouth.

Alfonso, guessing something homophobic was up, went upstairs and hid in Billy's room.

A loud version of Elektra's song I Don't Do Boys floated downstairs from the CD player in the bathroom. Loud, female giggling echoed down the stairs after the music. What one will do when one thought the gay blinds were drawn.

Well, they weren't exactly drawn right now. Zach said to Billy, ripe and raw, with no introduction, "You and Alfonso are gay?"

"Um, yeah..."

"Does Carmen know?"

Billy was confused and unwilling to out Carmen on his own. "Yup. I guess she doesn't mind," he said, looking at Zach curiously, patting himself on the back for his quick-witted backslap.

"Well, then..." he answered with bravado. "I don't either."

"Okay," answered Billy, unsure what to else to say, pulling away from Zach's grip on his arm. He added precariously, in need of emphasizing and defending himself with Carmen, "She knows."

Zach tried to smile and said, "You're still my buddy - just don't..."

"Oh, Jesus have mercy on all our souls! I won't hit on you. I have a boyfriend. I don't cheat...usually."

"You sure Carm knows about you two?" insisted Zach, dumbly dogged on the subject.

"Shit, yeah, Zach. Positive."

The air around Zachary got too heavy for Billy, who backed away and made some vague, incomprehensible excuse about leaving. Zach let his arm go and Billy pretty much ran upstairs. He was basically totally freaked about the conversation. The vibes were dismal, so he ran away.

***

CARMEN AND ROSE WERE making love in the shower with abandon and a lot of pent up joy. They had survived! They were together!

Carmen turned the water off and let the steam slowly reveal the intimate details of Rose's perfect body. She watched water droplets run down her back and hips. She wondered at their perfect synchronicity when making love. Their love signals were usually totally comprehensible - one with the other. It was a psychic connection that both were aware of. Today's shower was no exception.

Rose laughed loudly and let her soft hands caress Carmen, running both hands over Carmen's body. Their naked bodies were alive with feeling pulsating all over their sensitized skin.

Both women laughed, Carmen looking down on Rose's wet, shampooed hair. She ran her fingers slowly through a few strands near her ear. Rose put her head on Carmen's naked chest as she embraced her. This was the rather sweet advantage in being the shorter person.

They toweled off, ran into the bedroom after making sure no one was in the hallway. Rose lay back on the bed and stretched out, immediately falling asleep. Carmen put on a loose T and joined her, wrapping herself around her lover's side, breathing into her. Soon, she was asleep as well.

Rose was awakened by Billy tapping on their bedroom door. Sliding out of Carmen's embrace, she got up and went to the door, careful not to awaken her lover.

"Yeah?" she asked Billy who drew her out into the hallway.

He whispered, "I think you need to talk to Zachary. He knows about me and Alfonso."

"Shit," answered Rose. "Carmen needs to do this. Zach is her relative."

"It can't wait. He seems okay with me and Alfonso being homosexual. But you might not want to surprise him with anything else."

Rose paused in thought. She replied, "You mean anything else like me?" She took another look at Billy's serious expression and continued, "All right, I'll go down." She took the stairs two at a time and came face to face with an obviously embarrassed Zach.

His startled response was, "Oh. Uh. Hey...what's your name again?"

"Rose," said Rose noncommittally as she turned her back and walked into the living room. She sat down, feeling intimidated and fearful she would say something wrong. She noticed that when Zach sat down opposite her, he spread his legs until his crotch was tight, then eyed her like straight men did - like he thought she was attractive. Consumable.

Rose reacted by flinching.

Zach noticed her adverse reaction to his attention and apologized, "Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Billy and Alfonso are gay...I thought you couldn't be...you're so pretty."

"What does that mean?" asked Rose, her face wrinkled in anger.

"I...I mean. You don't look like..."

"A lesbian? Well, Zach, I love your sister. So, it is what it is."

"You are not a lesbian full-time, are you?" asked Zach, hope riding in a high register, which cracked his voice.

"Yeah," said Rose, her voice getting louder. "I am and always have been. It's a full-time job for me." She thought, then spoke with a lilt, "I even expect medical, a pension with funeral benefits and life insurance."

Zach looked down at his feet, emanating a cloud of disappointment. He seemed unable to connect with Rose's eyes again and looked around the room aimlessly. His mind didn't seem to grasp what was going down.

"You really don't look like a lez..." he spouted again at Rose, getting out of his chair, but still facing the wall in an elaborate body twist that was both comical and, Rose thought, intentionally silly. Maybe just clumsy.

One of the sliding doors to the living room slammed open. Carmen walked in. "What the fuck is this, Zachary?!" she shouted after standing in the doorway in shock, hearing his last comment about Rose not looking like a lez.

Zach exclaimed, "Whaa...?" and fell on the floor. "Oww..." he complained. "My knee..."

"You fucking shit! You deserve it!"

"Shit, Carmen. It's my knee replacement."

"Okay, you crybaby," answered Carmen, walking over and helping her brother to his feet. With her help, he limped to a chair, landing with a loud groan, running his hands over his face, then grabbing his injured knee.

"I have to take his knee seriously. It's an old war injury," commented Carmen.

Rose scoffed, "He said I don't look like a lez..."

Carmen jerked upwards from helping Zach into the chair.

"Doesn't does she?" Carmen shot at her brother, close to his face.

"Uh, no," replied Zach, crying from the pain in his knee, rubbing it assiduously.

"What does that make me then, Zachary?" said Carmen, sitting down right next to Rose, touching her side with her body. Damn! They fit together better every time they touched.

"Hunh?" answered the distracted Zach, not really listening, uncomfortable with Rose and Carmen so close to each other.

"Tell me you don't remember what you said," continued Carmen.

"Ah, shit, Carmen. I was just being honest."

Carmen threw her arm around Rose's shoulders, pulling her even closer to her. Zach watched the two of them, biting his lips, still rubbing his knee.

"Je--sus, Carmen - you're gay too?! How come you never told me?" Then, as an afterthought - taking in the whole reality of the situation, Zach added, "Sorry, Rose. I can really dunce it."

Both women nodded in agreement at the same time.

Zach got up with much grunting and hobbled over to his sister. He sat next to her and gave her a clumsy hug, saying, "I will always love you, Carm. You were my best girl and you still are. Always..."

Carmen smiled and hit her brother in the arm with a light punch, feeling a little better at his profession of acceptance, despite his clumsiness.

***

WHEN THE COMING OUT drama had obviously calmed, Billy and Alfonso stuck their heads back in the living room and held up that fated box of white wine. "Are we happy, yet? Gifts!" said Billy with elan, his voice filled with celebration. Zach, Carmen and Rose applauded. Alfonso appeared with five wine glasses.

"Yeah, Bro! Let's party!" exclaimed Zach, always ready. "Do you folks have coming out parties?" said the clever boy. Carmen punched her brother again, thinking sardonically about what might constitute a "coming out party" which would include her girlfriend. Mmm...

"I'm moving," Zach said, getting up and walking awkwardly over to his previous seat. This time he rubbed his shoulder where Carmen had punched him, not delicately, twice. He began to roll a joint.

"Guess he's okay with all the gayness," whispered Billy to Carmen and Rose. They laughed quietly and sipped their wine.

In an hour or two the five were very drunk and very stoned. Rose went into the kitchen and made grilled swiss and tomato sandwiches with a big shrimp-infused salad. She rolled a serving table into the living room. Alfonso put on some sounds, Mister Magic (Grover Washington, Jr.).

Of course, Zach continued to unleash his limited knowledge of the gay community on everyone. Sweet as he was about the "whole thing".

"So," he ventured. "When were you gay? How old were you?" No real knowledge of grammar here, either. Carmen laughed and tried to understand what Zach meant, muffled as his voice was with his foot stopping up his trachea.

"Oh," she answered, vaguely trying to suppress her laughter at her brother's difficulty in expressing himself. "I knew I was a lesbian when I was rather young. And, knew for sure by high school. It was a long process." Zach gave a percussive "Oh!" Then, he proceeded to try and guess who Carmen's lovers had been. Crudely and erroneously.

Rose reacted to his clumsy repartee with massive frowns. She interrupted him with, "And, now, Zachary. Who do you think it is? Her lover, I mean."

Zach belched loudly without restraint and laughed at his own crudeness. Carmen gave Zach a look that had, in the past, caused concrete to crack. He locked eyes with her, belched again like a cannonball and laughed, swigging the last of the wine and accepting a smoking bong from the much more forgiving Alfonso.

Well, no damage among the boys. That was obvious by their mutual grinning. They laughed and got stoned in their own corner.

Alfonso camped and answered for Zach in his heaviest feminine lisp, batting his false eyelashes underneath his cowboy hat, "Hon - ey," he said looking at Carmen. "He knows we're all queer here..." He stood up and threw his arms out to the side, saying, "Babies!! Who can drive? We must go to Holiday's and celebrate." Everyone tromped outside, nobody volunteered to drive. Alfonso had to call a taxi.

The sun had long gone down. The surviving greenery around Carmen's house seemed to sigh audibly. This gave the air outside a special minty feeling with each gentle caressing breeze. After such a destructive wind, it made Rose and Carmen, sitting closely on the porch swing, waiting for the cab and enjoying the bright moon rising to its zenith - sit even tighter together.

When the party left to go to the bar, it was about ten o'clock. Only a few clouds dotted the fresh blue-washed sky. Stars were flung across the obsidian in a startling display of clear light. A perfect night. The two women, finally alone with each other, kissed passionately. Carmen ran her hand through Rose's soft hair. Rosie reached over to Carmen and played with one of her curls twisting it gently around one of her fingers.

The three men burst onto the porch, pretending to dance without music. Told you that Zach was a bimbo...but a nice one. As clumsy as he was, he was dancing with two gay men. Things were obviously all right with Carmen's housemates. Nothing much said, everything now understood. The party must go on...

A Piney Knoll taxi pulled up in front of the house. Good thing it was an SUV. Alfonso was barely able to balance on his spiffy cowboy heels - but he could remember names, places and new faces. He had also remembered to ask PK Taxi for an SUV for their large party. Did I say he was good?

"Holiday's!" Carmen shouted at the driver, trying to make herself heard over her friends' exuberance. Well, this was Zach's first gay experience and he had obviously volunteered to go with all of them to a gay bar. During the week, Holiday's was a basically business men-only heterosexual bar. On the weekend, it welcomed all gays, lesbians as well, actively excluding heterosexuals. One straight man (Zach) walking between two very gay boys could zip right past the bouncers. Alfonso and Billy could more than take care of Zachary.

The line dances were just starting when they arrived. A couple of men started camping, Alfonso joined them. Carmen noticed that Zach paired himself in a dance line directly opposite Rose. Oh god, thought Carmen, sarcastically to herself, a little green devil jabbing her with a jealous spear. He can't just remember his wife and his vows, can he? He really needs to dance with my girlfriend! Fuck!

She chose to dance opposite a friendly gay boy. He grinned at her and waved shyly. She flipped a peace sign at him, putting her right foot forward following the line's stomp. She felt something mystical come over her and looked to her left just as Rose's line moved sideways in a mirror of her line's stomp with an added hop. Rose was looking at her feet. She jumped into the next synchronized step with her line. She looked up and caught Carmen's twinkling green eyes and put her arms out for a hug - then, shrugged in a helpless I'm stuck here gesture.

Carmen responded with heel-toe, heel-toe, lookin'-atcha and around-we-go. She wished hard, but futilely, for an all-girl line.

The music explained, "A lot about livin' and a little about love...way down yonder on the Chattahoochee..." followed by more wild yells and a surprise acrobatic back flip by a very supple dancer. More yells... It was going to be a wild night.

The music switched to Boot Scootin' Boogie...with another loud communal yell, the song attracted other crowded dance lines onto the overloaded dance floor. The popular song got its own hoots, cow and elk calls - and laughter. Carmen managed to move up in the line. She was now finally opposite a rather flushed Rose. Zach was seated, drinking something with ice. Alfonso was next to him with Billy on his other side. Billy was lost in some high and mouthing the words to Boot Scootin'.

Heel-toe, heel-toe, one-two-three back step, back step...Carmen landed in Rose's arms and felt her laugh and slip her arms around her, breathing on her neck. Finally, Carmen thought. My own achy, breaky arms! Carmen stepped back until she was molded tight to Rose's supple body and moving smoothly back and forth with her. They fell out of the dance lines and joined the couples dancing on the side.

Rose was sweaty hot. Her perfumed oil seemed to draw Carmen impossibly closer. Carmen turned in Rose's arms, spider walking her further away from the dance lines. She backed Rose into a black wall next to the bar and kissed her, running her hands over Rose's damp and sweaty sides.

They both sat down, exhausted and getting way too drunk. They ordered screwdrivers with ice and leaned into their chairs, getting even drunker, smiling at each other through the dim blue lights. The ornate mirrored globe hanging from the middle of the ceiling flashed bright patterns of reflections across the forms of the two lovers set against the flat black paint of Holiday's back walls.

If it was at all possible, the bar began to pick up even more around midnight. Billy, Zach and Alfonso had gone out for pizza, promising to bring subs and cokes back for Carmen and Rose.

The DJ broke for a little two-step boogie-woogie and the two women left their table to join the dance. This time, with each other.

***

MEANWHILE, BRITTANY Oliver angrily figured that Rose's cell phone was turned off. She fumed to herself that so soon after a large local disaster, Rose had shut her phone down for the entire evening.

In her mind, she designed a long complaint about she herself being the collateral damage from having to raise Rose by herself without a partner. She was very good at expressing herself and complaining in elaborate ways. It was this type of drama which gave Rose the most grief. She was definitely going to lay a major guilt trip on her daughter.

Speaking of partners, Brittany had Googled the name of Brandon Braydon and had gotten no hits at all. Nothing local under Braydon, and his family was supposed to live in Piney Knoll.

She was an excellent IT technician. It was part of her job. If she found that someone was ghosted on the Net, it meant that there were no traces of them in social media, nothing. Her research was that accurate. Something was very wrong here. This made her even more anxious at Rose's lack of communication. She threw her phone on the bed in frustration when she reached her daughter's voicemail for the sixth time.

Brittany had some of her upper crust local country club charity ladies coming over to her home for her own survivor get-together. The caterer was setting up, so she retrieved her phone, made sure it was charged and went downstairs to help direct the incoming guests and hot tables. She could whip up a gala in no time at all. This was just an intimate neighborhood thing in her register.

The evening's sponsored charity was a local fund for disaster relief. The money collected would go to the neediest families and rescuing stray animals that had been disoriented by the storm.

The women's group insisted upon including stranded horses, cows, dogs, cats, goats, etc. They turned a compassionate, New Age shade of green as Brittany looked into their faces finding no sympathy as she tried to exclude the animal provision. She was finally forced to accept it.

So, she fed them. They seemed excited about their mission. All the women involved knew the places where families had lost their homes. Dispersing funds would be easy. Everyone took a seat at the long, decorated banquet table when the caterers were ready to serve.

Quite a few of the women's club members had brought their teenage daughters. They were developing a second-generation core of volunteers. Brittany bit her lips, wishing like heck that Rose would think about her a little more. She would have loved her to join them. Instead, she gritted her teeth and listened to the stories of success from her guests.

***

1 AM:

Shep woke up from an extended nap. He paced from window to window and door to door looking around the entire house for Carmen and the others. He whined a little to himself. He thought he heard something on the gravel in the drive and got a little excited. It was pitch dark outside, no moon at all. It was threatening to rain again. That alone made Shep nervous, but this was something else. It didn't help that a large barn owl hooted loudly right smack next to the house. Shep barked at the unexpected noise. He laid down on an entryway throw rug, put his chin on his front legs, groaned and closed his eyes.

Unfortunately, Shepard really did hear something. A large cargo van had tried to glide up to the front door but popped a rock from underneath a tire in the drive, making some unwanted noise, stopping further down the drive from the house. Two smart-ass teenaged looters dressed in black, complete with black leather gloves and spooky balaclavas hiding their faces moved silently on the grass up to Carmen's house.

As these two men looked for a way in, Shepard slept on, unaware. They tried all the first- floor windows, making their way around to the back, finding the open sliding glass door in the kitchen off the garden. The lucky looter raised his black-gloved fist and let out a low whistle which attracted his partner, who was busy trying to find some other way in.

Shep was still unable to hear a thing until looter #1 walked from the kitchen onto the dining room's hundred-year-old wooden floor, making it creak loudly. The dog growled and opened his eyes. He flew across the room and attacked the intruder on the ankles. Looter #1 swore, kicked at the dog just as looter #2 grabbed Shep's collar and shoved him into the kitchen shutting the door, smart enough to walk around and bolt it shut from the other side.

***

ROSE AND CARMEN TOOK the first taxi home by themselves, laughing at every little thing on the way home around 3 am when Holiday's closed. They got really silly, cracking drunken jokes in the cab - finally arriving at Carmen's front door. Carmen literally fell out of the taxi. She had had three tequila shots with lemon and salt after the screwdrivers. Plus, the earlier wine and weed. Her ass hit the gravel with a crunch, her body tilting to one side, her arm landing in the mud and rocks. She managed to catch sight of a black cargo van sitting at the edge of her drive as she got soaked in a sudden rain and struggled to get up.

The rain had broken open letting loose a deluge. Rose shrieked, not looking behind her as she bolted to the safety of the porch. The taxi pulled away, its headlights revealing Carmen's prone body still struggling to rise.

From the covered porch, Rose noticed an almost invisible shadowy figure with a large backpack running behind Carmen's stand of live oaks. She also noticed a rather wet, bedraggled Carmen staggering towards her, one side soaked with mud. Shep was barking wildly from the back of the house, it sounded like the garden. Carmen said one word when she finally reached Rose. She panted breathlessly with drunken effort, "Shep..."

"What the fuck..." stammered Rose surveying her messy lover.

"...happened to me? ..." filled in Carmen, trying uselessly to wipe some mud off her jeans. Lightning filled the sky. Both women saw the large cargo van illuminated as it pulled away onto the county road.

"Tell you later," observed Carmen. "Shep shouldn't be outside. If the boys got home earlier than us and took that van home, the dog would not be out there, he would be inside." Carmen reached the porch, breathlessly. Looking down her front road for the van, already engulfed by the night, she continued, "I have a bad feeling about this." She paused again and locked eyes with Rose's already flashing violet irises. She could look like she had inner lightning when roused. Anger emanated from her.

"You mean that van? I thought maybe you knew them," said Rose, moving into the house. She added, "You don't?" Both women realized simultaneously that neither of them knew who owned that black van.

Carmen took her phone out and followed Rose. She had 911 on speed dial. She muted the phone's audio. No fool, she had been here before. That van gave her a negative premonition that made her go into a familiar emergency response.

She was spot on. Rose stood in their entryway looking into the living room in horror and holding her finger to her lips as she moved as quietly as possible behind a wall. She beckoned Carmen with hand signals.

"I think they're gone," whispered Carmen into Rose's ear. "We got looted. It happens after every big storm. First time they've broken into my home, though." The sky lit up with sudden lightning. Thunder resounded throughout the house, slamming off every wall and window. The racket made both women jump.

Shep barked wildly in the back. He was obviously not in the house. He began to howl in protest as the wind lashed around him.

Carmen chuckled at the howling despite everything, feeling sorry for her probably cold and drenched dog. She speed-dialed the State Police and spoke to them quietly and succinctly, knowing the routine well. Taking Rose's arm, she led her outside again, saying, "Best to let the cops take it from here. Jiffy's gets looted all the time after storms, so I know all about what law enforcement wants."

The two of them pulled a small bench behind a screen of large potted ferns and hid there, waiting on the front porch for help.

The police pulled up in about fifteen minutes with their sirens blaring and lights flashing. Carmen stood up and waved at them still behind the plants. The cops put both women in their car while one of them searched the house for any sign of intruders. He found it empty and signaled the other cop and the two women that it was now safe to come in.

***

CARMEN WAS GIVEN A report form which she was to fill out with her losses. Fingerprints were collected by cop #2. There were many losses. The house had been partially ransacked, so things were also broken. She folded the paper and asked a cop if she could go into the house for a minute that it was important. He told her to wait until he signaled her that their forensics were completed and keep an eye out for whatever was missing so he could turn the report in as soon as possible. She ran around the house to the back door and got a very wet Shep out of the garden, taking him back to the porch. She found a ragged, old towel and dried him off. He kept close to Carmen's side. Carmen was just glad he had survived their intruders. The dog was highly trained and knew how to turn the bolt lock on the kitchen door, so it was useless to lock him in. She had trained him to do this for just this type of occasion. The looters must have put him outside because he opened the kitchen door after he was locked in.

She waited to do her inventory while the police finished up dusting more surfaces for fingerprints, observing any footprints and taking photos of their muddy outlines.

Carmen sucked in her breath as depression washed over her. The looters had taken her sound systems, flat screen, CDs, DVD collection, microwave, food processor, some of Rose's earrings and necklaces, her savings stuffed in a sock and her guitar. There were other things missing, as well.

They had also obviously left Shepard out in the driving rain. His dog house had been blown away and destroyed in the hurricane. It was mostly bunch of sticks under her big elm. The wooden deck he would use for shade was also destroyed. Part of the roof to his dog house was ok, but this left her poor, soaked, raggedy dog without any shelter at all. He whimpered after Carmen toweled him dry. He was an emotion hog, always wanting sympathy and attention. Sometimes for nothing. She gave him a Beggar Dog biscuit, his favorite.

Carmen said soothingly, "You're okay now, boy. I got you," and gave him a hug and a pat.

The dog must have been hard on the looters. Carmen was pretty sure he had tried to bite them. He could usually distinguish between friends and those that came to attack. Shepard was unusually intelligent and might have just landed on Earth from the Dog Planet to help us humans.

He knew how to lock and unlock some doors and was prone to biting when insulted. Carmen had learned that her special Shepard responded well to expectations, not only direct commands. She felt that animals were a lot more intelligent than humans generally gave them credit for. Sometimes if you expect them to understand, they do. But, remember, the first response they usually learn even as puppies is the word no. They might understand what you want, but that does not mean they agree. She hugged her brave dog.

Maybe the thieves tried to lock him in the kitchen to keep him from biting and he untwisted the bolt lock and let himself out - so they managed to get him into the garden. He really hadn't managed to learn the sliding kitchen doors anywhere near as well, yet - at least without Maizie who was irritatingly better at sliding doors and had let herself into the kitchen on many occasions.

Lightning flashed powerfully against the continuous rain. The police pulled away just as Billy, Zach and Alfonso's taxi arrived in front of the house. All three boys yelled and ran - splashing their way up to the porch, laughing drunkenly.

***

CARMEN AND ROSE TUNED in the weather channel on the only radio the looters had left them. Thunder crashed against the house driving Shepard to run away again and jump into the upstairs bathtub. It was that or diving under a bed. He hated thunder. Carmen was debating spending another night in the storm shelter, just to be on the safe side. It didn't really feel like a tornado or hurricane force wind yet. She had been through over twenty big ones and had good instincts for dangerous weather. This had been Rose's first bad storm. She and her mother had not experienced anything like this before moving here recently.

Carmen thought the shelter should be okay. After all, she surmised, the looters might not have seen it. There were more electronics there than were left in the ransacked house. The DVD collection in the storm shelter would be intact. Hopefully.

Rose was still fuming about the looters taking her laptop with all her school work on it and handmade one-of-a-kind jewelry. She was especially upset about them taking her twelve sting Martin with all her sheet music. That didn't even compare to Carmen's anger over her missing microwave. Who ever heard of thieves stealing a microwave?! What to speak of her beloved food processor!

She hoped she knew the folks that stole those things. She could usually guess. For sure, she would recognize that processor. There goes her homemade hummus and guacamole. Drat! No job, either, so they couldn't be replaced any time soon. She had no way of replacing anything. Rose's work-study job at school only covered her school books and fees, little else. Her laptop contained her school records, open email programs and the only copy of an important and difficult biology term paper.

Rose was especially distraught about her term paper. She had enough to worry about since her and Carmen's main income (Jiffy's) had been destroyed in the storm. But school was her future. Hers and Carmen's now.

As if to make a point, the sky became suffused with a flash of temporary brilliance - lightning. The resounding thunder made Shep howl from the bathtub, making his protest of natural phenomena echo and amplify against the porcelain of the tub and tiled walls. Carmen laughed out loud. She commented to Rose, "I'm not into sleeping in the shelter tonight. This is about half of what it takes to fuel a dangerous storm. I don't think we need to be afraid of this becoming a tornado or hurricane."

Rose frowned and obviously disagreed. She said, putting her arm around Carmen to add to her emphasis, "But isn't it safer to be cautious and go underground?"

"God, Rose, I need the fresh air tonight! The radio has not issued anything other than low to medium warnings."

Rose tried to rebut her but jumped when the lightning blazed across their windows again with a huge retort of hammering noise. She gave in nervously and tried to trust Carmen's experience ... not without misgivings.

They continued to fill out the police department's theft report form with more missing items - mostly electronics, except for Carmen's cherished and expensive Cabela's brand muck boots. Too bad they obviously fit one of the looters. Even though their shoe size was a clue for the police, Carmen was still super pissed about losing her work boots, glad they might still have some traces of horse shit on them.

Carmen and Rose got Shep out of the bathtub and took him to their bedroom. They had to shut the bedroom door to keep him from running back there. All this time Carmen had noticed a small commotion at her front door. She had ignored it, thinking it was her drunken brother and roommates. She figured with all the other stuff, they could the hell open the door themselves.

***

BILLY, ZACH AND ALFONSO gave a yell from downstairs as they finally got their key to work and stumbled into the house on a cloud of whiskey. Carmen heard Billy through the racket of the now waning ferocity of the storm. He shouted, "Oh my God!! What happened here?! Carmen! Rose!"

Carmen ran downstairs and filled Billy in on what had gone down. He responded, "I figured that. I figured we got looted. First time. Guess it was our turn on the karma wheel. Fucking shitty end to a fucking long day! Yesterday a Class-whatever hurricane, just exited the shelter this morning, invasion of the relatives, you lose your job, drunken celebration at home and Holiday's and then, putting the whipped cream on top of the chocolate sauce, we get robbed!" Billy took a big breath and continued, "Say, Carmen, I think we should go back down to the shelter. This storm makes me nervous."

"Oh, Honey, yes, let's," answered Alfonso, holding on tight to Billy. Zach shifted his feet uncomfortably but said nothing. He swayed and looked very drunk and a little green. His eyes were red and bloodshot. With the green tint to his skin and his glowing red eyes, he looked like a Martian. He sat down suddenly and finally seemed to focus on all the mess the looters had left. He threw up on the floor with gusto.

Carmen turned her back on him groaning at the incredible mess she had to look forward to. After that, she consented to go to the shelter. Why not? Clean it all up tomorrow.

The three men packed overnight bags and made their way out to the storm shelter. Carmen looked at Rose's worried face, finally saying, "Okay, Baby. Get some of your things. We should probably go down there, too. I should really check on the place and make double sure the looters didn't get to it."

Rose's face lit up. She was ready in less than ten minutes.

"Meet cha' down there," she called to Carmen who was busy locking up and sweeping some of the broken glass and wreckage the looters had created. She got Shepard and joined her friends in the shelter, observing that the thieves hadn't seen it, and everything was still intact.

Rose grabbed Carmen as she descended underground. She wrapped herself around her lover and said, "Oh, Darling, I feel so much safer down here."

The three men were already in an alcohol-induced instant sleep. Zachary snored loudly.

Carmen spider-walked over to their double bunk with Rose still clinging to her. She gently laid her down, sliding on top of her. She shut the curtains and turned on their cooling system, adding some soft country music to the mix. She pulled off Rose's top. Rose sighed and smoothed Carmen's wild chestnut curls with her hand, running her face over the soft, shiny tresses, smelling the divine fragrance and letting it transport her away from her fears of the weather.

Carmen removed her own clothes and Rose's jeans, folding them into the small clothing shelf overhead. Rose's nude body moved slowly on top of Carmen's. Their perfumes mingled as Carmen switched positions and moved down Rose's stomach kissing her, finding new sensations and curves. Tears of love sprouted in Rose's eyes. She had waited so long for moments like this.

Rose exclaimed, "God, Carmen! I love you. I loved you even before I knew what your name was. It was love at first sight. You know I needed someone..."

Carmen pulled herself up to Rose's face and held it in her warm hands. She caressed her face with kisses and answered, "Me too..."

Rose retorted, "You are the love of my life, Carmen." Carmen held Rose tight and chuckled with happiness and relief - free from the rain, the looters and the high winds.

The two women fell asleep, exhausted from a very trying day and exciting, drunken evening. They still embraced each other, bound together even in slumber. Innocent in love and breathing in total unconscious synchronicity.

Zachary snored on, probably still drunk in his sleep - sleeping in the double bunk over Billy and Alfonso who were silently withdrawn behind their blackout curtain. Zach hadn't bothered to shut his or take off his clothes. His shoes had been dumped over the side of his mattress, true monster-mash style. His searing snores seemed to blend into the louder noises of the cooling system with sudden bursts of small cherry bomb explosions from his mouth.

Well, there was love (Carmen and Rose - Billy and Alfie). And, then there was ... Godzilla....?

Shep had barked once at Zach's soaring monster noises and fell asleep in his doggie bed, probably way worn out from the evening's difficulties and dreaded thunder, all of which were muted or forgotten in the safety of their hideaway, at the end of the longest day ever.

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# Chapter Nine: If we could only say what we mean - Brittany Oliver

"Sorry, I'm not the person you thought I was..." Of course, Rose was on the phone to her mother as soon as the weather was sunny and dry, and they had left the confines of the storm shelter. Carmen was busy making several loaves of freshly baked multi-flour bread, one of her culinary specialties.

Rose felt that it was better that she called her mother first, rather than wait for her, and a big drama later, or scary midnight call. Rose was up in the bedroom for a little privacy. Their conversation did not last long. With an exasperated yell, Rose clicked off.

Billy tapped on the door and walked into Carmen's bedroom demurely, asking, "What is it?"

Rose shot back, "That's what the doctors asked when she was born."

"Who?" Bill paused, poised with his hand on his hip. "Need I ask?" commented Bill as Rosie's phone rang insistently again. She handed the cell to a puzzled Billy.

"You need not. Just answer the damn thing for me. Say anything. She's pissed. Her anger with me has become an intrinsic part of her personality. Guess it's not enough that I survived the storm without injury."

Billy obligingly answered her phone, "Yes?" There was a long, tense pause. Then impulsively he exclaimed, "Oh shit!" and clicked off.

Rose looked alarmed and asked, "What did she say? Was it my mother?"

Billy nodded and looked helpless while whispering, "You missing her charity dinner is not all she's mad about."

"What else is there?"

Billy looked down at Rose and sat gently next to her on the bed, putting his arm around her shoulders.

"What the fuck, Bill?!"

"Your mom said to tell you that she found out that there is no Brandon Braydon around here and you are in a lot of trouble if you are hanging out with someone she doesn't know. She also said I cannot answer the phone for you. She said you can't run from her. No more fake boyfriends."

"Need a new one - more fake than the last?" echoed Alfonso, seeming to glide in with only a movement of his small hips, looking prettier than usual.

"Shit...shit...shit!" exclaimed Rose, throwing up her hands in a gesture of defeat. She started to cry.

Bill went on, "She said to call her back. She also said she'll keep calling you until you do. She said she knows that you are hiding something, and she'll find out what it is."

Rose blew her nose on a Kleenex proffered by the sweet Alfonso who batted his mascaraed eyelashes at her. She grabbed him and wept on his slender shoulder. Alfonso gently smoothed her hair as the tears flowed onto his shirt. He threw his arms around her and lisped tenderly, "This is nothing, pretty girl. Mine is in jail. The old bitch finally bullied someone who got her back good. She'll be there for quite a while."

Rose started to laugh through her tears and blew her nose again. She said, "Where did Billy find a delicate, caring little boy like you?"

Bill answered sardonically, "At work in North Carolina. Where else would you find a pretty fellow like him, but working on a ranch? Doesn't he look every bit the ranch hand?"

"No," laughed Rose. "Not much, unless you include drag."

"Well he's a damn good ranch hand. The best. This man is for me." Billy moved closer to his beau and slid his hand around Alfonso's waist, pulling him against his side. He threw Rose's phone behind him on the bed and faked washing his hands.

"Come on, puppy," Billy cooed at Alfonso. "Let's leave Rose to spar with the witch on her own. Remember," he said, reaching over and squeezing Rose's arm, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." He paused, then added, "You hope..."

Alfonso continued with a deeper voice, "You must steel yourself for battle. I will tell you about my own one day."

Billy looked out the blue chintz-covered window at the now shimmering golden sun - something that made all of them relax, collectively. Bill went on, "Remember, too, we are your family now. We won't desert you." Bill smiled at the blush in Rose's pink and cream face and added, "Ever...We all know what this is."

"And now, for the good news." This drama had made Billy, squished in between Alfonso and Rose sitting on the edge of the bed, bounce up and down a bit. Rose raised her chin and looked up at him expectantly.

Billy went on, "Alfonso will drive me over to Wickham's to pick up Maizie and her trailer. Then, we can return your truck, weather permitting. There's a nice double cab someone is selling at work. I already put a deposit on it. It has very low mileage, great engine."

Rose looked disappointed. She thought, Hell! That big, tricky mare can open doors and walk into the kitchen when we make pancakes and waffles - among her other favorites - the rascal! Using her big, pretty eyes to con people into thinking she's dumb. I don't mind getting our Silverado back, though.

Alfonso noticed her generally downcast mood and hugged her, laughing and lisping, "That's not all, Rosie. The real news is that we might have found Carmen a job, something you can work at, too. You'll need the truck, a wire mesh cargo cart and some tools we arranged to borrow from Wickham's provided you do a small work-exchange in return. You and Carmen, that is."

Carmen drifted in on this, wiping her hands on an apron. The luscious scent of fresh-baked bread followed her into the room. The blue chintz on her windows indicated, with uneven flashes of light, that the sun was struggling to give off more illumination as it moved towards noon. The rain had ceased. The rampant wind had calmed to a luscious breeze.

"What is this?" she asked. "What work? What tools?" She pushed Alfonso over and squished in next to Rose who took her hand, squeezing it and looking happier.

Alfonso went on, speaking to Carmen excitedly, "We got you a job where you can set your own hours. No weird late nights and closings."

Carmen frowned and looked questioningly at Billy who threw this at her, "Do you like gardening?"

"Of double course! You know I do," she answered, still mystified at the trend of the conversation. Rose sort of got it and started bouncing up and down on the bed in excitement.

"How about a landscaping business?" said Billy, cutting into the moment.

Carmen smiled and looked intrigued.

"We have loaner tools for you in exchange for some landscaping at Wickham's. Rose can work with you from time to time. There is plenty a small woman can do."

"I'll do it!" answered Carmen with surprise at the offer. She looked deeply into Rose's sparkling violet eyes and kissed her. Rose whispered to her, "I'll help you."

Billy caught the romantic notion and grabbed his own lover, saying, "Come on, boy, let's go make some French toast! They're getting ready to make their own moves here."

Billy and Alfonso walked out and closed the door, following the delicious smells emanating from the kitchen. They walked downstairs and hand-in-hand through the living room.

***

BLUE CHINTZ BLOWING in the gentled late morning zephyrs, billowed the combined fragrances of Rose and Carmen in such a way that their perfumes seemed to draw their smiles closer to each other, until their moist lips touched. Alone at last in weather that was tending towards balmy - refracting the now quieted summer sun in their eyes, lending a gold glint to each glance. It was a song without words. The lyrics were lost as the two lovers spoke through this silence. No more worries. Not in this precious moment. They felt like they had lived an entire year yesterday, so much had happened.

Carmen began to breathe in antiphon to Rose's rhythmic inhalation. Rose played her hands under Carmen's shirt seductively, giving her the first smile since her most recent phone fight with her mother.

Carmen trembled, saying, "Sure you don't want some P, B and J first?" Carmen's eyes twinkled at her as she pulled Rose's shirt off, not acting particularly interested in making sandwiches. She looked at her now exposed body, and asked, "Fresh baked bread?" This time Rose groaned and fell back on the bed pulling Carmen on top of her.

They both landed on Rose's phone which buzzed like an angry, smothered bee.

"Oh, shitola!" exclaimed Rose roughly rolling Carmen off her until she accidentally made Carmen lose her balance and land on the floor. Rose threw the phone at her as it continued to buzz. "Hurry - answer it!" she said insistently, looking upset, again. "Don't let it go to voicemail."

Carmen answered the phone with a groggy, distant, "Um?" Then she looked like she was strangling. Her face bloated and turned bright red, her peptic ulcer kicking her cruelly in the bellybutton. She obviously struggled to control herself. When calmed, she said in a steady voice, "Ms. Oliver, please be civil. Do not call back. I'm sure Rose will be in touch with you."

Rose nodded vigorously in ascent as Carmen clicked off wickedly without a goodbye.

The cell rang again as soon as Carmen hung up. Carmen looked at the number and refused the call. Rose took the phone and blocked her mother's number. "I'll deal with her later," she commented. "Hate that fucking speed dial." They reached for each other, knocking the phone onto the floor. It played a little tune and went to a blank screen.

***

ZACH POSED WITH HIS left hand on his hip. He minced through the kitchen door, looking directly at Alfonso in a challenging way. Billy looked up from his French toast, startled. He saw the act and started laughing and choking. They were seated at the table with large stacks of French toast made from Carmen's thickly cut fresh bread.

Zach walked up to the table, bent over and took a big sniff of the fragrant food. "Mmm...smells good!" he commented enthusiastically.

Alfonso also noticed Zach's gay imitation and giggled. "Sit down, sit down," he said, patting the rattan chair cushion next to him. Zach did so. He got his own stack of toast and grabbed the maple syrup followed by some local butter. He poured a cup of Raven's Brew coffee into an empty mug. "Well, you are a tight little bunch," led Zach.

"Tighter than you think," giggled Alfonso at the unwitting comment.

"We are very tight," snorted Billy in between bites.

"What was that upstairs? A meeting of the Queer Nation?" lisped Zach in a full gay boy imitation. He just wouldn't stop joshing. He imitated Alfonso's high giggle.

"Local chapter..." answered Billy pushing his ear forward and raising an eyebrow at Zach's queen act. Lumberjack queen act, to boot.

"Oh, it was a meeting over Rose's homegrown, homophobic mama," continued Billy, frowning like a thunderstorm.

"Too bad. I didn't know. What does Carm think of that?" Zach leaned forward after his comment, giving Alfonso a nice, intensely dumb and naive smile. His face was babyish and sincere, joking and open.

Billy stuffed a large chunk of batter whipped bread into his mouth and slung out a "B-o-o-y-y! What the f**k do you think?!"

"Oh, shoot..." answered Zach, changing back into the slightly awkward straight man he really was. He seemed to shrink down in his seat, trying to disappear.

***

THE DOWNSTAIRS LANDLINE rang. Billy got up to answer it. It was Jiffy from Carmen's old job. He sounded excited.

There was no upstairs extension, and Billy was not going to run upstairs to hand the phone to anyone, so calling Carmen was not a technical possibility. This was not a cell phone. Billy didn't feel like yelling up to her. "Oh, hi, Jiff," said Bill. "How is your shop clean-up coming?"

Jiff answered in an excited huff of breath, "That's what I wanted to talk to Carmen about."

"I'll tell her whatever you want. You can talk to me." Using a lisp, smiling and winking at Alfie in a very sexy, whole-body way, Billy went on, "I'm her s-s-secretary."

"Okay," said Jiff, never really comfortable with the effeminate Wickham cowboys, even though he had known Billy all his life. After all, he was Carmen's cousin.

"Okay, tell her we are rebuilding. Insurance will pay for the whole thing. Bigger and better. We might even put two service bays in and get into car and small truck repairs." He paused, catching his breath between ambitions. Then he continued dramatically, as if offering the chance of a lifetime, "I want Carmen to manage the whole store for me, not just one shift. It comes with a much higher salary and benefits, and nine-to-five hours...unless she has to stand in for no-show cashiers. She can even hire her new girlfriend and anyone else she wants."

Billy gasped audibly and said, "How did you find out about Rose?" immediately regretting that he mentioned her name. He swore to himself.

"Oh, you know, the staff passes on local gossip at break-neck speed, especially when smoking my weed. I find out everything."

"Uh..." answered Billy, lamely.

"Uh, Bill?!" Jiff raised his voice, continuing with an irritating emphasis, "This is the chance of a lifetime! We'll be finished with the new building in a couple of months!"

"Oh, great," answered Billy in a flat, unemotional voice.

"You don't understand, Bill. Get Carmen. Let her decide. She can have a future here, with me."

Billy thought, Yeah, if you think heaven has florescent lights and a Twilight Zone atmosphere. He added, hoping his comment would shock or dissuade Jiffy, "You know she's gay."

"Of course. I've known her since high school. We all knew, her besties all knew."

"Okay, Jiff. I'll tell her about the new shop."

"Good enough. I'll call back later on her cell."

"'Kay, bye..."

They hung up.

***

"CARMEN!!" YELLED BILLY, giving both Zachary and the angelic Alfonso deadly looks. Zach took him seriously and frowned, confused. He looked like he might cry. Alfonso just giggled and asked, "So what's grabbing your underwear, Billy? Oh, Jee-zus...I should know..."

To this, Billy laughed loudly and lisped, "Alfie, you know you're the only one. It was about Carmen." He yelled again, "Carmen!"

In a moment or two, Carmen's late night at Jiffy's 'we're closed now' voice boomed. "Well, shit, Billy...You know what you are interrupting...come up and tell me what you want. Please, don't yell from downstairs."

Shep barked and scratched at the kitchen door. Zach looked relieved at being given something to do. He left his French toast and let Shepard out into the garden.

After Billy reluctantly climbed the stairs, Alfonso and Zach heard his loud voice proclaim, "...tawdry, garish!" The rest was lost, except on Carmen.

Bill continued, "...and where do you go from there? Working at Jiff's won't make you a millionaire. This could. Landscaping is limitless in this area...tree doctoring, bad weather clean-ups, trimming, flowers, raised bed gardening and so much more. The money is quadruple what Jiff would pay. You want to do overnights again?! Even once?!"

***

A BRIGHT, RED MUSTANG convertible pulled up in front of Carmen's house. Brittany Oliver got out of the car and slammed the driver's side door in a flash of angry light. She stomped up to the front door and rang the bell insistently. Having just two days to recover from the storm, an ill wind brought Brittany along with it.

Alfonso opened the door. Brittany was taken aback and looked confused at his slight figure and elaborate silver and white cowboy gear which seemed incongruous with his effeminate body language. He looked like a girl dressed as a boy. Really angry, Alfonso was offended by her stare. He said, "Hello?" in an icy voice.

Brittany shouted at Alfie, "Cut the shit! Where's Rose?!"

Alfie covered his ears with trembling hands. He mumbled, "Oh, my!", turned on his silvered cowboy boot heels mincing quickly away in horror, leaving Britt standing at the open door, her bottom lip hanging loose in surprise.

"Hey!" she shouted into the house, taking the liberty to step inside and peek into the living room. Zachary sat there sprawled on the couch next to a 12oz. Budweiser inside a foam holder. He belched loudly as TV soccer blasted away. He did not notice Brittany standing in the hall or hear her slightly more demur, "Excuse me..." Zachary belched again in an archipelago of rhythmic, operatic burps.

"Young man!" shouted Brittany, marching boldly into the room, looking like the next North Carolina hurricane in a business suit. Zach did raise his head until she was standing between him and the old television from upstairs that he had struggled with and connected himself, just so he could watch that game.

"My game!" he yelled at her. "Who the hell are you?"

Brittany grabbed the remote and clicked the TV off, saying, "Your girlfriend's mother. Where is my daughter?"

"My w-what?!" exclaimed Zach. "Who are you?" he repeated. "What's your name?"

"Brittany Oliver. Ring any bells, Brandon?"

Zach got it, sort of, and looked up at Brittany's furious face helplessly. A noise traveled down the stairs from one of the bedrooms. It was a very loud exclamation. Zach knew what it was. So did Brittany. It was pretty obvious. Britt's creamy skin turned an ugly, sort of sunburnt blotchy red, like a rash.

Upstairs, a still naked Rose and Carmen hugged each other in the joy of making love. They shuddered in mutual pleasure. This time they were quieter. Carmen's velvet hands and hair caressed her lover across her breast with touches that would bury themselves deep inside her lover's youthful memory. These were memories that would enshrine themselves as a deep part of Rose in the years to come. The soft breezes and fragrances from the flower garden swept over their bodies, clinging to them in the heat of passion. Rose inadvertently cried out again as Carmen probed gently inside of her.

Brittany looked disgusted at the noise. She thought she had recognized Rose's voice and called out, "Rose! Come down here right this second! Rose? Is that you?" There was no reply. Sound did not carry well up the stairs. All the better. Rose had heard nothing. Seriously.

Suddenly, just as Brittany started to storm towards the staircase, Alfonso, Billy and Zach, blocked her path.

"What was that noise?" asked Britt. "It sounded like my daughter."

"Oh!" answered Alfonso, delighted to bait Britt with his most feminine vocalizations, "I hurt my wittle finger. That was me."

"I don't believe it! I followed the GPS on Rose's phone. She's hiding here with her boyfriend." She hesitated, emphasizing her words with her hands balled into fists. "And, it isn't a local boy like she told me. There is no Brandon Braydon in this area, unless it is him," she said pointing at Zachary. "I have some computer skills due to my charity work. I can trace these things. Her phone is programmed to send signals back to mine. It is for her safety...with all this dangerous weather and the fact that she hasn't been home in quite a while."

The boys corralled Ms. Oliver and led her back into the living room. "I know her friend, Carmen La Pierre is covering for her. How old is Carmen anyway? She must be a bit old to have a young girl like Rose as a friend. I think that is odd. I need to know."

Alfonso scowled, but answered, "Carmen is around fifty."

"Oh, my god!" exclaimed Brittany, feigning horror. "She must know better at her age. I am surprised she did not ask Rose to at least call home on her own." The three men still acted as if they didn't know what she was talking about. Billy stuck Alfonso in the side with his elbow for giving away Carmen's age.

Britt went raging on, "If my Rose is here, it is disgusting. This is a disgusting environment. I want her out of it! That skinny little boy (indicating Alfonso) acts like a homosexual! My poor little daughter is here with a bunch of faggots!"

She raised her voice to a shout, "Rose!" There was a shocked silence throughout the house. Brittany continued, "I know you're here!"

Billy was, of course, genuinely offended. He answered her in a cold, tight voice, "Madame, we don't even know who you are talking about. We don't know your daughter. In fact, we don't know who you are, either."

Alfonso added, "Yes-s-s!"

Zach objected, "I'm not gay. Carmen is my sister." He took it a bit further with, "You need to leave. This is our home and you are not welcome to barge in here. Or, even be here."

"Call the police. I don't care. I do not believe a word you say. Homos don't have any rights," Britt shot back with angry emphasis.

***

CARMEN PAUSED AS SHE kissed Rose, her tongue still deeply tasting the young girl's sweet mouth, her lips swollen from passion. Rose groaned with pleasure. Carmen shushed her saying, "Shh...I think I heard something." Rose looked concerned as Carmen got up and walked over to a window overlooking the front drive. She let out a yelp on seeing the red Mustang.

"Shit!" she cried. "It's your mother. She's here! I thought I heard her voice downstairs."

"No fucking way!" said Rose, instinctively covering herself with the sheet. As if that would somehow protect her. Carmen got dressed. Rose, slowly and reluctantly, did the same. Her body was still aching for more love-making after that provocative kiss. She knew there would be time, later, when peace again filled their home. Still, the interruption made her pout.

"Stay here," commanded Carmen. "Better yet, get in the closet. You know your mother. I'll deal with this."

"I'm not climbing into any fucking closet!"

Carmen sighed and left the room with a sad look towards Rose. Then came the anger. Shit, Brittany was evil incarnate. There seemed to be no space inside of her for their lives. Everything was all about Brittany.

The argument raged downstairs with the shouted comments of all four people. Just as Carmen reached the first floor landing, Brittany Oliver ran into her as she was attempting to look around the house again.

"I know who you are!" she shouted into Carmen's tired face. "You should be ashamed of yourself! A woman your age! You are hiding my little girl and her secret boyfriend! Brandon Braydon, my ass!"

Carmen grinned grimly at these comments but grabbed the woman's arm in an attempt to wrestle her out the door. Carmen was three times Brittany's size. As they waltzed in this awkward tango, she answered, "Your daughter is past the age of consent. She can be with anyone she wants to. Besides, she's not here." Carmen continued, "I barely know her. She used to come to Jiffy's. That is the only place I know her from."

"I'll find out what is going on here. All those men are homos and this environment is not normal or healthy." Brittany went on, still raging, but Lindy-Hopping right up against the outside door encased in Carmen's large, muscular arms. Carmen opened the door and shoved Britt onto the porch. She continued to push the small woman towards the Mustang. The intense North Carolina heat pounded down on them. The brightness of the sun almost absorbing their bodies like dust motes floating inside their angry dance on the driveway.

"Ow!" complained Brittany. "You're hurting my arm! Let go of me!"

"No way!" answered Carmen, determined to throw the woman in the dirt and gravel of the drive if she had to. "I have every right! I'm the home owner! Those 'homos' are my relatives and friends. It is you that have no rights here..."

To which Brittany shouted back into Carmen's face, "I have every right! I'm Rose's mother!"

Carmen wanted to shout back, "And, I'm her lover!" but she bit her lip and remained silent, hurting. Instead, she pushed Brittany more roughly up against the car and warned her never to come back to her home again.

"Next time it will be the police," shouted Carmen, watching the trapped and mussed up Brittany try to uselessly straighten her outfit and messy hair, entering the car sideways as Carmen pushed her into the driver's seat and slammed the door shut behind her.

"You'll see..." said Brittany ominously as she drove away spewing a cloud of dust behind her.

Carmen coughed and began to cry, letting her tears of frustration run down her cheeks tracing lines in the dirt kicked up by Brittany's quick getaway.

She thought to herself, This woman was threatening me! Threatening me in my own home! Fuck! Poor me. Poor lesbian. But I'll get her! At this thought, Carmen drove the fist of one hand into her open palm, determined to bring this woman down. She was not just some poor lezzie. Her sexuality was something she was proud of. She was a survivor and would continue to be one.

Victory yells were heard from inside the house as the red Mustang high-tailed it down the county road to the highway. Billy, Alfie and Zachary stood framed in the large front window of the living room, slapping each other on the back and laughing. They all stopped suddenly when they saw Carmen looking at them, pale, exhausted and angry.

She could not understand their cheers and laughter for a shocking moment, still deep inside her fighting spirit. She sat down on the porch bench, put her face in her hands and started to cry again.

This whole thing reminded her, unhappily, of her own coming out which happened accidentally and tragically in high school. Her alcoholic mother had gone on a week-long drinking binge - as if being too drunk to make dinner for her and Zach every day was not enough. This time she just stayed in bed. How her mother found out about her lesbianism and girlfriend, she never knew. Probably some nosy, gossiping neighbor.

After her mother told her father, he got out his gun collection and threatened to kill any queer that set foot in his house. Telling her menacingly, "You better not be queer like your mother said you are. From this day forward, you will only be a witness for Christ."

And Jim Beam, thought Carmen with anger, furious about her parents' constant inebriated hypocrisy. Jim Beam and the Bible. King James lived on a kitchen shelf next to an amber bottle, both the key to ready-made excuses for any kind of abnormal behavior.

She wiped her tears on her flannel sleeve. She stretched, looking over her shoulder. The sun was well past its zenith and turning the sky copper. The wild birds had flown home to their evening roosts.

Carmen got up to go inside. The boys were gone from the window. She walked into the entryway hall.

***

"FUCK...FUCK...FUCK," greeted Billy as Carmen walked into her house.

"You sound like a chicken," snickered Carmen.

"Glad you can laugh."

Carmen looked so distant at this comment that Billy stepped closer and said, toe-to-toe with her, "Oh! I'm so s-s-sor-ry. That woman forced her way in."

Alfonso added with a heavy lisp and a belly laugh, "She thinks Z-z-a-c-hary is gay! Or that he is Rose's mysterious boyfriend, Brandon. Nice choice isn't it? She can't seem to make up her mind which lie to go for."

Carmen had had it. Totally. First - the hurricane; then - a break-in in which she had lost all her passwords along with her laptop; and now, to add the smash to her dizzy ass - Brittany Oliver had barged right on into her home, looking for Rose. Carmen's body was feeling fine, but her mind was another matter.

"Fat boobies...a big, fat boobie..." said Carmen, losing it. She flexed her arms, laughing and feeling stronger for her rude, but bought-and-paid for comment.

One more recent issue: Jiff and the new store. She was determined that she would turn Jiff's offer down and told Billy about her decision.

He smiled and snickered with delight at her choice. Billy was sure landscaping would bring her more money than Jiffy's gas station, especially with their local large, ultra-wealthy population. The wealthy of Piney Knoll lived in a scattered collection of large country estates. They paid a higher rate for landscaping than the local middle class and were always on the lookout for new gardening ideas to raise their social status: new garden layouts, designer raised beds, Japanese garden styles...and so on. She and Rose could get comfortable just working for them. Jiff couldn't touch that.

"I'm a lesbian," said Carmen breathing into Billy's face in mocking emphasis. "Surprise!!"

"She doesn't know," Billy answered demurely. "But," he continued. "You'd better get a good reason for Rose's presence here - besides your love." He paused and followed Carmen's facial expression, continuing, "Not that that is not enough. But you know her mother..."

"...regretfully," added Carmen.

"Whatever. You have to throw Rose's phone away, too. Her mother put a GPS app on that one. She traced her phone here - while you were naked and alone with her daughter." He snorted in derision. "We are such good people but slandered by straights like Brittany Oliver. Evil straight people that probably hurt puppies, too."

Carmen smiled into Billy's eyes and slid her arm around him. She said, "We'll figure it out, Cuz"

"Together..." answered Billy.

Alfonso smiled.

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# Chapter Ten: "Love Makes History..."

"Serious?"

Rose chortled and said, "Serious. I put my phone back in mother's house yesterday. She took my car. She can have my phone, too. The snoop! Let her trace that to her own kitchen drawer!

"I'm paid to the end of this semester for school. If landscaping is as good as Bill says it is..."

Carmen finished Rose's sentence, "We can easily afford your courses. In fact, I can pay for them from my savings, which is what we are living on right now anyway. Until we get started with our gardening business."

"What about our dreams of New York? The big city...freedom?"

Carmen moved closer to Rose. It felt like heaven to share her dreams. Rose's perfume intoxicated her. She was a heavenly creature, the answer to every quest Carmen had.

"You know, Rose. This thing is going to last forever..." said Carmen earnestly.

"I know. It seems that way now, Carmen, but as the Buddhists say, 'This, too, shall pass.'"

"No, Baby. I mean us. We'll outlast all these things...the theft, the hurricanes..."

Rose touched the soft hair behind Carmen's ear, tracing her fingers along the curve of her neck. She whispered with a nasty chuckle, "...even my mother..."

"Yeah," answered Carmen. "Even her..." a full range of emotions burst inside her like a kaleidoscope of emotional colors. The phantasmagoria of love-making that had accumulated in Rose's short time with her flooded her mind.

Rose noticed the change in her lover's eyes. There was a haze of dreamy gold flecks in her irises, more than usual. A sparkle drifted across the jade pigment as she smiled at her. They reached out for each other at the same time, Rose landing softly against Carmen's chest. She kissed her chin and neck. The sunlight played on the ancient hardwood floors, scattering shifting patches of brilliance as the afternoon descended into a cool, copper-colored dusk around their bedroom.

Naked, they made love again and found strength in it. They had a united spirit that fed the best in each other. That was their miracle. It was special, not a thing either of them took for granted.

Both of them had found it difficult and sometimes traumatic to find lesbian partners in high school. But their personal histories fit together and complemented their personal growth and new love for each other, like diamonds in gold. They felt this was the path to the attainment of their hopes when other relationships had failed them.

It was an understatement to say that their love had been tested the last few days. Rose had no problems coping with Carmen's emergency routines. She was flexible but could stand up for herself and use a chameleon-type defense whenever necessary. The harmonies between both women grew more intense every day, different in flavor from the excitement of their first meeting. They had a history now. The things they had found in their combined strengths were embedded in their shared emotional memories. After all the things that had happened lately, the word 'together' had grown in meaning exponentially.

The rubble of Rose's junior college was being cleared and the class buildings were being rebuilt. It would take weeks for them to begin holding classes again. The spring semester could not end until well into the summer due to the construction. This gave her plenty of time to join Carmen in their landscaping business. Then, she planned on taking time off from that to finish her courses. There was time to apply to four-year colleges, even if she had to start out in night school.

Right now, Rose buried her face in Carmen's chest. Turning her head, she licked her warm skin and found a sensitive area. She played with that, making her lover move and grab her waist, guiding her, seeking more sensual pleasure. Golden light moved across Rose's arching back, following Carmen's sinuous movements. Her shoulders warmed in the late sun. Copper light shimmered in her auburn curls. Rosie's patchouli oil surrounded their senses.

Rose's widened violet eyes followed Carmen's smile after grasping her in a wave of surprised energy.

She said, "Uh. I don't know how we do this."

"Umm?"

"Making love like..."

"thunder..." added Carmen her green eyes smiling into Rose's cherry red face, her cheeks glowing even more intensely from their love-making.

Carmen moved down Rose's body with continuous kisses and laughed cynically when she heard Billy call upstairs, "Lieutenant Jones is here. You might want to come downstairs." There was some muffled talking, then Billy continued, "Sorry, Carm...don't mean to interrupt...busy day." Then, after that weak explanation, there was some muffled laughter. He persisted in calling upstairs, "It's important, Babe, sorry..."

The two lovers got up and started dressing, getting used to these interruptions.

Lt. Margarita Jones had been a commanding officer in the Piney Knoll police force for as long as Carmen could remember needing support from other lesbians like Jones - powerful lesbians. She could trust Margarita to ger her back and she had consulted her on legal work many times.

Jones was practically a trial lawyer who could read contracts like the morning newspaper. She was a superhero whenever Carmen needed one. And, she carried weaponry and drove one of the most powerful cars in the county (outside of demolition and drag contenders in local car sports). She serviced her squad car herself. It had good parts.

So did she. She was pretty and dark brown-skinned, a patch darker under her short sleeves where the sun baked her arms. Lt. Jones had one of the longest-lived monogamous lesbian relationships that Carmen knew of. Her partner was a successful black potter from Chapel Hill. Her signature works tended to be in local, unglazed Terra Cotta.

"Stinky Poo..." commented Carmen sarcastically at the continuous interruptions. "Wonder what she wants? Hope we didn't do something wrong. Like an overdue traffic ticket from my old Ford. Anything could have gotten lost in that truck. Maybe something I forgot about when we junked the old thing."

Rose beat Carmen downstairs and was greeted by a broad smile from the uniformed Lt. Jones. The space between the two living room couches and the coffee table were covered with their formerly stolen possessions. The lieutenant sat on one of the couches. "Hi, Kid!" said Jones. "You must be Rosie."

"Rose," the young girl corrected her, trying not to sound pushy. After all, lesbian or not, Marge Jones was still a local authority.

Lt. Jones laughed amiably, she said, "Why don't you see if any of this junk still works. Put it aside if it doesn't. Carmen and I will look at her Homeowner's Insurance and see how she can cover any of the broken things."

Rose sat down on the floor next to a stack of electronics, her jewelry and her guitar. She began to sort through everything. She grabbed her laptop and turned it on. It went right up to her desktop. It seemed as if all her files were undisturbed. Her biology term paper was there! Shit! Another miracle. Rose felt it was well deserved. She was relieved and ecstatic.

Next, Rosie tried Carmen's laptop. Same thing. Carmen's financials and passwords were still there.

Carmen walked in amazed that Marge had recovered so much. She looked over Rose's shoulder at her own laptop. Tears sprouted in her eyes when she realized that her records seemed to be untouched. She planned on changing all her pass codes and writing them down in a small notebook long hand. So much for relying solely on modern technology.

Carmen looked up at Lt. Jones and sang a little of The Macarena, "Hey, Macarena!" doing a short, victorious dance movement with her hips. This was a private, lesbian tribute to Margarita Jones and was her theme song with a few lyrics changed to be more lesbian and more Margarita. Lt. Jones had a history of keeping a close eye on the Piney Knoll gay community, making sure they were treated fairly and without violence.

Carmen slid over next to Rose on the floor and helped sort everything. She didn't see much, if any, damage - only a nick here and there. "How did you find our stuff?" she asked.

Lt. Jones answered, "The usual for 'after-the-storm' activity. The thieves went to a local bar, drinking and boasting about what they had done. They targeted this place because it is a gay household. One of my off-duty officers heard them bragging when they were drinking beer and slinging whiskey shots. It didn't take long for the information to get back to me."

"That's what happens when they hit the Margaritas...somehow you can hear everything through your namesake drink like a telephone," quipped Carmen.

"Or play the Macarena," added Lt. Jones. "Or dance it...even though the words are just for losing your last boyfriend, which I did a long, long time ago."

"One wouldn't wish for that," said Billy bringing in a ray of sunshine with a tray of sandwiches. "That song is like an instant-karma truth serum. Piney Knoll is truly Margaritaville, just get over-excited and spill your conscience to the local cop dancing next to you..."

They ate ravenously. Lt. Jones looked at the young-looking Rose. She asked, "How old are you, Rose?"

Rose's head shot upright. Tension splayed her fingers. She dropped her sandwich. "Why?" whispered the intimidated girl. The question still made her shrink into herself, no matter how old she was. She always tended to look much younger than she really was. "Twenty-two," she answered, more loudly.

"Doesn't seem to protect you," Lt. Jones continued. She took her uniform cap off, revealing shiny spirals of sleek obsidian corn row braids, ending in her partner's Terra Cotta/Dolomite glazed blue beads.

Rose stared at her.

"I know more than you think. Brittany Oliver's charity bashes sometimes need security personnel. So, I know some of her movements, what she does or does not do... Rose," Margarita paused, looking at the young girl more intently. "You have the right to put a Restraining Order on your mother, you know. If you want."

Lt. Jones could tell, by Rose's expressions, that she was a little terrified of her mother.

"You don't have to," added the lieutenant, sensitively.

"It's better not to approach her that way," Rose answered, thinking of her college fund and her car...and her mother's powerful influence on judges and other important upper-class professionals.

"Okay. The RO is always an option for you. I will help you with it. I also heard through my extensive local grapevine that Brittany is having another large charity dinner in a few weeks. You could salve her feeling by..."

Rose interrupted, "I'll just talk to her later. Thanks for the advice."

Carmen shook her head at Rose's rocky point-of-view on her mom. She said, "Trust it, Marge. Rose holds the keys to her mother, as much as we would like to just bonk the woman and wrap her in a tarp."

Lt. Jones started to laugh at Rose's resolve, in spite of herself. She covered her mouth with her hand, a little embarrassed at her own aggressiveness when it came to anyone attacking a gay person. Mother-daughter, it didn't matter to her. She stood up, put her hands on her hips and swayed from side to side, saying, "If we were playing Monopoly, this would be my card, I am the law here in PK.

By the way, the door prizes at your mother's dinner are fifteen Chunky Monkey cakes. I already bought ten tickets. Brittany Oliver is in my legal hands. She does things my way. That includes an enlightened attitude towards homosexuality. From now on, Rose, and you Carmen, too...I want you all to tell me anything she does that trespasses on your relationship. I will always be ready to write that Restraining Order any time you want one."

The policewoman glared directly into Rose's surprised eyes and said, "We've all been through this before, ask Carmen. I know I have. My partner, Longoria, just skimmed past the perceptual boundaries of homosexual behavior in her family. She even inherited! If they had known about her - and us, she wouldn't have." Lt. Jones moved closer to Rose, while she pushed the ceramic beads woven into her hair up underneath her uniform cap. She grinned and rubbed Rose's arm, asking, "Sure you want to be a lesbian? The road is rocky and full of obstacles."

Rose looked at Carmen illuminated by the setting sun and smiled. She said, "Think so. I have some heavy backup it seems."

Lt. Jones turned to leave, "Sure do. Just call me if you need anything. Anything at all."

"If we go to any house parties at mom's, we might need some help."

"I'm here for you. I'm one of you, Rose."

"Pretty sure I won't put our relationship in jeopardy." Rose smiled at Carmen and Lt. Jones, flashing her multiple dimples. Carmen felt a flash of pink passion between her thighs and remembered their interrupted coitus. Rose's intense physical beauty did that to her. Her body, her mind, her strength - all made her desire for Rose grow exponentially as she star-gazed into her wide eyes. And, those incredibly expressive dimples.

Lt. Jones left at just the right time.

***

ROSE GOT UP FROM THE couch and went to Carmen who was sitting next to their recovered possessions. Some of the stolen electronics (including the flat screen, food processor and microwave) were plugged back into the wall and put back in place. No one had really stopped working except to stuff a few sandwiches into their mouths and sling some sodas.

Carmen noted cynically, "Fifteen Chunky Monkey cakes?! We just have to attend."

Rose burst out giggling with her mouth closed, letting her voice ring like little brass bells. She caressed Carmen's back softly with a tentative hand. Carmen lay back on the area rug next to what both of them were calling 'the junk pile'. Rose rolled on top of her, careful not to press too hard, but strategic in the stimulation of her lover, absorbing Carmen's breath all the way to her heart. Good thing the boys had gone out for a few six packs.

Carmen exclaimed, "Uh!"

"Ah, Honey," she said before she turned her head to the side and, god's truth, fell asleep in Rose's arms, her lover still on top of her, both of them still laying on the rug.

Carmen didn't even wake when Rose moved away from her to gaze at her sleeping innocence, a habit she loved to indulge in.

Rose thought it was funny that Carmen could fall asleep on the floor. She got up with care and padded barefoot into the kitchen to laugh out loud after she shut the sliding door to the dining room. Carmen just curled up on her side and continued an exhausted, well-deserved snooze.

Carmen slept for another few hours as Rose continued putting their recovered possessions away. She had found Carmen's muck boots underneath a pile of stolen things in the living room. The boots were ridiculously expensive, and now, starting the new business, they didn't have money to spare. Carmen was determined not to have to turn off any utilities. Of course, Billy and Alfonso helped out with the bills. That was a big plus.

The boys brought over landscaping equipment, storing it in Carmen's empty storage shed. They set about fixing the sit-upon lawnmower and other machines that had been junked at the town dump and set to be re-purposed by Alfie and Bill's mechanical skills.

Rose woke Carmen, so she could climb the stairs and go to bed. The night breezes offered relief from the stark heat of the afternoon sun that had been broiling against the exterior of the house at every opportunity. Carmen awoke to this evening coolness and Rosie's helpful arms.

The two women welcomed their above-ground bed. They kissed and fell asleep, both aching with tiredness accumulated over the past week. No thoughts followed the movement of the blue chintz curtains on their windows as they captured the floating silver of the moon in their folds.

***

AS THE NEW DAY DAWNED, Rosie led Carmen downstairs to the kitchen. She had been up early, letting Shep out, putting things away, cleaning and making several quiches for breakfast.

Maizie was back, tied next to the garden and snorting for attention. Bill and Alf had bought a nice, used, red double cab pickup for themselves to be delivered next week. They also purchased a large, metal-mesh trailer for Carmen and Rosie's landscaping business as a gift for good luck.

As troublesome as the intelligent, knot-untying Maizie was, she was well-kept, trimmed, braided, brushed to a glossy sheen and down-home gorgeous. Carmen loved her and tried to augment Bill's training with some encouraging successes. She thought that meeting her clients for the first time with Maizie pulling her new custom horse cart with a Green Goddess sign on the side was worth trying out on the clever quadruped. The horse didn't seem to object to the cart which was bright red to match Bill's new truck. With her silver-studded tack, Amazing was a real attention-getter. Seemed worth a try. As smart-assy as she was, she had, overall, a demur temperament.

Part of their business was garden design. Carmen had experience with the botany, accounting and financials. She was strong-suited with catalogs and estimated costs. She was also a Journeyman carpenter with her own tools. But, Rosie...she was the artist.

Carmen knew Japanese design and durable plants for their weather zone. The word 'zone' always struck Carmen as ironic. Well, she thought to herself as she sat at her sunlit kitchen table, watching Rosie cook. I guess you can describe a hurricane corridor as a 'zone'. It does tend to put one in a zone all righty.

Ah, but, Rosie...Rosie could do a whole range of natural, Zen and modern trendy garden designs. She always had new ideas. She had a lot of talent and a whole notebook full of pen sketches that were artistic renderings of mandalas, which was a perfect strategy for all the segments of a garden design. Her drawings would be perfect for Green Goddess Landscaping. She had suggested the name to Carmen and its acceptance was sealed with a happy kiss.

***

ONE DAY, WEEKS IN THE future, working at the large kitchen table, Carmen and Rose were compiling Rose's garden designs with Carmen's scale of price estimates - putting it all into a graphically pleasing catalog format. Rose interrupted their work with a phone call which came in for her on her new cell phone (one without her mother's GPS app).

Then, she did something she had never done before...she took the phone outside to the garden and shut the sliding glass door to the kitchen. Carmen's eyebrows elevated in surprise. Rosie did not usually hide anything from Carmen. Their communication was as intimate as their love-making. It had built a strong trust between the two women.

Rose turned towards Carmen and mouthed the word 'mother' as she looked back through the window.

Of course, Carmen went ahead with her compilation, irritated, but shrugging off her lover's actions as embarrassment. Rose had more than enough to be shy about with her mother's meddling behavior. She had been trying to get the Mustang back from her for days and swore she would never let her mother physically touch the new phone. She had to, though, give out her new cell number.

Carmen was sure she would hear about it later. She decided to wait until Rosie came out of her lesbiana oscura mood. She had never hidden anything from Carmen before this. Damn, thought Carmen, trying to keep her focus on the work in front of her instead of staring at Rose's face through the large kitchen windows. She watched as Rosie's small mouth would bend downward in an arch. A lot of tension and anger there, then an ellipsis and the dimples were back.

After the short call, Rose walked back into the kitchen, looking bashfully at the floor, not willing to meet her lover's gaze. She knew she had just done something Carmen would not approve of - besides hiding the call. But, when it came to her mother, she felt she had to try and play along a little to avoid Brittany's destructive criticism. She didn't really want to see Carmen's face right now. She couldn't. She studied the burnt umber patterns in the glazed clay tiles of the kitchen floor as if they were something important.

She happily noted that Carmen was glued to her laptop. The Green Goddess designs still covered the kitchen table. She had glanced at Carmen furtively and noticed that she seemed cold and unusually distant. Rose moved quietly towards the living room hoping to avoid any conversation about her covert behavior during the call. It was not time for that discussion yet. Rose needed some time to think first. The plain fact that Rose and Carmen had only been together less than a month left a lot of room. Neither of them knew the other that well yet, despite all the revealing midnight conversations. They were just learning to balance their emotional lives and different backgrounds-futures together. Rose knew she was tipping that balance uncomfortably.

Lost in thought at the table, her hands on her chin and elbows on the table, Carmen had heard that no one had died during the last storm, but there had been massive looting. She was not the only one who had been hit. Not by far. Jiffy had lost most of his inventory that hadn't been ruined by the storm. Private home owners had come home to see their electronics, copper wiring and piping gone when they returned from evacuation.

Carmen's eyes came to rest gratefully on her recovered too-expensive, mail-order muck boots and she thought again, lesbiana oscura, as she tried unsuccessfully to catch Rose's eyes. Nope, no nab there. Rose continued to look down and avoid her. Something sat between them. There was a big, fathomless barrier. She tried to feel around it. No luck there.

A chill ran up Carmen's spine despite the rising heat outside. Fleeting emotional memories of her and Rose's recent love-making made her tremble with the possibilities of what might go wrong. She just couldn't lose Rose now. The pressures of Rose's former life needed resolution. Brittany Oliver was not known for her flexibility or rationality. What the hell was wrong? she asked herself miserably.

Carmen hoped that Brittany did not wield enough power to damage her relationship with Rose. Despite everything so far, they had been pretty solid. She had the horrors remembering when she was sixteen and in love with an older straight woman. Those fateful two years that she needed to reach the legal age of eighteen and the freedom to love, had been used by her parents to force her and this woman apart. Because she had to take care of a much younger Zachary, she sacrificed her friendship for him and let her parents restrict her. He had never been told about his sister's homosexuality. His parents did not want him to know. Carmen did not want him to know. She had just come out to him in the last few weeks of his visit to Piney Knoll. It hurt all over again as she reminisced about her crush.

Zachary had stayed on to help Carmen with her new business. One of the questions that Carmen had was about how the limits of her and Rose's physical strength would affect their landscaping which was very demanding in terms of muscle-power. They figured that they might need to hire a man once-in-a-while to help with the heavy lifting.

There was a ramp on the back of the cart and a new hydraulic two-wheel pedalift portable hand truck. Both were essential to move sacks of mulch, gravel and rock. They had Zach on loan from his family and job for now. Cost-cutting was the name of the Green Goddess's game at this point.

As Carmen became more absorbed in her financial projections, she noticed that Rose seemed to be sneaking out of the room. She mumbled something to her with her hand over her mouth - to which Rose did not reply or even acknowledge. That hurt. She simply left the room. Things were almost ready for their first ever Green Goddess customers. They would be ready for business the beginning of next week. It was June and the weather was perfect for planting.

Carmen put her head down on the glass-topped kitchen table where she had her Goddess papers spread out. She crossed her arms under her head. She couldn't take anymore drama right now.

With Zach's help, the repaired equipment and equipment borrowed by Billy from Wickham's, the new business could see much needed revenue right away. Carmen's 'New York' jar was almost empty. With the larger truck and the high price of gas - the rest of her savings would be needed for everyday things like food and household supplies. That included losing her dream of escape from Piney Knoll. At least for now. Maybe that dream would be replaced by a much bigger one.

Then there was Rosie. Carmen didn't want to escape right now - not without her. Rose would have liked New York. If she had to use everything in that jar, they would be flat broke - except for the money the boys could lend them.

Everything was a joint decision. If their business succeeded, she and Rose would figure things out together. Carmen never expected to go into business for herself. This was something new and portrayed a future here (with her lover) that she had not expected. Things had changed.

New York City without Brittany did not sound all that bad. Their plans would have to include cajoling Rose's beastly mom into something nicer. Even at twenty-two, one's parents could obtain a missing person's warrant. Carmen worried again about the surreptitious call in the garden. Now, what was the problem? What stupid shit did Brittany throw at her daughter this time?

Bracing herself for yet another confrontation with Rose about her mother, Carmen pushed herself away from the table. Shepard came over and stuck his moist, black nose under her hand. He always seemed to know when she needed sympathy. The dog grunted noisily and pushed upwards on her hand, begging to be stroked and reassured that Carmen's sulking did not involve him. Carmen smiled at him warmly and gave him a hug, kissing the top of his silky, coffee-colored head.

"You always know when I need something, Shepard," she whispered, blowing in his ear. He shook his head in response. She scratched the dog's back and let him out into the garden. She gazed apprehensively towards the dining room. Rose had turned on some manic music - women's funk by Pink. She was talking earnestly to Zachary and sharing some weed with him.

In the preceding weeks, Rose and Zach had gotten to be best buddies. Zach was just slightly closer to Rose's age than Carmen. Despite being married and straight, with two young children, Zachary was relaxed and accepting of his sister's gay household. He would never have bothered Rose except for a little initial wandering eye. He was pretty much a perfect gentlemen. Rose and Zach seemed to enjoy each other's company.

Rose had no siblings. She was an only child and did not know her other relatives. Her mother, of course, did not get along with their other relatives (why would she?), including Rose's absentee father. So, Carmen was happy that Rose now had an expanded circle of gay friends and family. Her happiness enhanced their own relationship many times over.

Carmen walked into the living room, sat down next to Rosie and took a hit off the passing bong. Rose seemed nervous and didn't fling herself all over Carmen like she usually did. She seemed tense despite being high and seemed to move away a bit when they touched thighs.

Carmen felt a tear run down her cheek. She had come to rely on Rose's gushy physical warmth. This stiffness hurt. She had to admit she had grown so accustomed to Rose's physical closeness and affection and her constant touching, that her confusion over the phone call invaded her core being, stabbing like a knife to her chest.

She was angry at the tear, though, and wiped it off her face impatiently with the back of her hand. Rose must have felt her anxiety and changed her mind, moving closer to Carmen's side, touching her and placing her hand on her.

She whispered in Carmen's ear, "Don't worry too much. I'll tell you all about it upstairs." Carmen felt Rose's warm, moist breath on her neck and tried to smile at the sensation. She couldn't do it. She could only manage to move the corners of her mouth a little.

The day was consuming itself. The sun shifted around the room as the afternoon progressed. Once, with the gentle female vocals and quiet guitar music of vintage Judy Collins, the sunlight lay golden on some flowers Rose had picked from the garden and arranged on an end table. She was intuitive about flower arranging, which was way better than their usual decorations of dirty coffee cups, Zach's empty beer cans and over-flowing ashtrays.

Carmen didn't know how Zach's wife could stand it. Rose usually picked up after Zach and even washed his clothes until Billy took over those things and pushed her out of the way with, "We need to share this. Zach is a good-natured, lazy slob who needs to quit drinking and smoking. So, let me do some of this..." Billy was really that angelic.

Carmen knew Bill and Alfonso were working on Zach's drinking. She didn't want her brother to become like their mom and dad. Zach would never be physically violent like they had been. He was a warm, loving dad to his kids. He had known his wife since he was five years old. He would probably reach pension age at his job. Those things were not issues, but she still didn't think his drinking was healthy.

With the help of everyone she knew, Carmen felt sure that her love for Rose would create a new life for both of them. She took another hit of the bong. She lost her worries in the heavy smoke of Billy's best grade Mary Jane.

|  |

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# Chapter Eleven: The Green Goddess of the Blue Ridge

Several Weeks Later: Rose's crystals hung in the windows of the bedroom, refracting splashes of rainbows flashing vividly up and down the walls. Her unrepressed artistry was reflected around the entire old Victorian. She was working on a light-sensitive watercolor of their garden in a corner of the room. She lay fast asleep close to Carmen's side, breathing softly. Carmen gave her a very gentle kiss and got up quietly, dressed and went downstairs.

It was early, and Carmen began her day by smoking weed with Alfonso and Billy around six am before they left for work. She took the morning paper and sat down next to the sleeping Rose again, amazingly only waking her enough for her to swing her arm over Carmen's lap. The young girl rolled towards her lover and closed her eyes again, her nose snuggling Carmen's thigh, drifting back into sleep.

Carmen read the paper next to Rose. She sipped her morning coffee. Rose awoke to the smell of the beverage. There was a front-page article on gay marriage with a fold-out photo section. Rose blinked and stretched. She kissed Carmen mumbling, "Good morning, Honey."

Carmen smiled back. Rose took the fold-out section with a cooing noise. She exclaimed, "Oh! Look at this!"

"I know," replied Carmen. "I'm reading the article on it now. Pretty incredible stuff.

"In the Sixties, a gay person would have automatically lost custody of their kids even to proven sex abusers, pedophiles and violent exs with felony records if you were known to be a lesbian. Especially one in a relationship. Gay marriage means we get to keep our kids, attend a dying or injured partner, inherit, chose burial styles and funerals - grim, but you might want to be there."

Rose nodded, mystified that Carmen tended to have no romance in her head about marriage. Rose did. She knew all the advantages of the contract, sure, but she saw Carmen in an idealistic light too. The more she learned about her, the more Carmen represented a part of who she wanted to be. She realized every day how much they complimented each other's talents and moods. That was a lot.

They liked each other, as well as loved each other and they worked well together. Rose was always surprised that Carmen had become such a good friend as well as her lover. Or, turned out to be so quick and efficient in an emergency - someone she could lean on whatever the circumstance. At least, so far. And so far, their companionship had been intensively tested.

Rose mused, thinking about Carmen's body, how perfectly she molded into her hands when they made love. Her lover's touch was her solace. The electricity that ran through her was so intense that Rose shook even now just thinking about their love-making. She looked up from her hands to Carmen, smiling shyly, thinking about sex.

Carmen looked at her sharply and huffed. She ran her hand through Rose's now naturally dark hair. She touched the nape of her neck, reached over and felt the moisture of her lover's lips with her own.

Rose played gently with her tongue. She pushed Carmen away, so she could look into her eyes, saying, "Well, shoot Carm. I could marry you."

"If we last, we might have to."

Rose snorted. "There you go again. So-o-o fucking romantic."

"These new marriage laws - for as long as we have them, are things I never thought I'd see in my own lifetime. So, to me, to my heart, this about as romantic as anything can get, if it works for the relationship. You know, Rose..." Carmen's voice faltered a little.

"Yes?" Rose fingered Carmen's throat as gently as a butterfly.

"You know how much I believe in love?"

Rose looked startled and frowned at the question. She answered, "I guess I'm learning."

Carmen's jade eyes sparkled with emotion. "Well, I don't ever think love is unconditional. It might seem so in the beginning, but I have learned from my mom and dad that as things change, so does this thing called 'love'."

"That could be a positive thing," said Rose.

"That's my point. So, to deepen, I think love has to be practical. Although," Carmen paused, then continued, pulling Rose on top of her, pulling her nightgown up around her shoulders, exposing her exquisite body - in her early morning nakedness - which always made her breathless in awe.

Rose could feel herself moving in ways she could have never imagined even when her love for Carmen was only a crush on a local cashier at the 7-11. "I'll always believe that there are universal principles of love."

Rose felt the heat rising between her legs and turned over, pushing the newspaper all the way off the bed so she could respond to Carmen without rolling over on top of it. They both sighed quietly. Ah, these beginnings... naked conversations.

Shepard pushed the bedroom door open, letting the wind whip throughout the room. The newspaper scattered around the floor. The dog jumped on the bed and gently pawed at Rose to get her off Carmen. He would sometimes try to pry the two women away from each other when they kissed. He was a jealous twit. He loved to play, "Who's-the-Boss-Now?" generally not winning the role.

Both women said, "Shit!" sensing the colder breeze and dog smell at the same time. Rose exclaiming at his nails on her skin. She pushed the abashed Shep off the bed and said, in a commanding tone, "Out!"

Carmen started laughing and added, "Don't try Shakespeare on that dog. He's native to North Carolina, maybe even part yellow dog, a Carolina indigenous dog. He was found by the side of the highway in a box with his five siblings as puppies. The vet wouldn't take them to put up for adoption.

People are afraid of the legal power of Animal Control and the shelter charges too much money to surrender any animal, let alone six of them. So, I took Shepard home and gave the other puppies to my friends. We just guess what mix he is. He looks and acts a little Malinois and definitely has some Shepard and ... whatever..."

Carmen continued smiling and signaled the dog with her eyes and one hand. He trotted out the door and down the hall. She slowly admired Rose's exposed chest. Rose smiled back shyly, grinning at Carmen's need to reveal her attraction to her body, her life. She blushed. Her cheeks flushed red up to her violet eyes. Just another new rush of the good stuff that was becoming them. Talking about rescuing dogs and getting accidentally turned on at the same time. Doesn't seem appropriate, but duh...happens.

The color burst shocked Carmen back into her story. Her eyes twinkled with suppressed gaiety as she reiterated, "Personally, I think a major contribution to animal abuse are the prices of the local vet and shelters that charge a fee. So, Shepard is special. I saved him from all that."

"Shakespeare?" asked Rose, mystified at the comment. She let the laughter bubble up from her throat. "Are you stoned?"

"Of course," answered Carmen. "Weed makes me think. It's a philosophical high for me. I smoked with Billy and Alf this morning before you woke up."

"I see...but Shakespeare?"

"Out, out damned Spot! Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets its hour upon the stage and at last is done...Macbeth of course. Close, anyway. 'Out damned spot! Out, I say!' Lady Macbeth says in another crazy soliloquy. So, I combined the two for my own convenience."

"Oh. You're such a fucking geek! Sorry I told him to get off me. His nails hurt! I love him to bits, Carmen, but really..." Rose put her nightshirt back on and got up. She said, "I have some drawings to complete for our appointments this afternoon. You have to fill in the foliage prices you looked up."

"Okay, I'll be down soon," Carmen paused and rolled over to face Rose. A tentative Shep peeked around the semi-opened door. He had the temerity to let out a tiny whine, asserting rights he didn't have.

"Bad boy, Shep!" said Carmen. "go to the kitchen. No cookies ever!" Shep backed out of the room. He went obediently downstairs, clicking his nails on the wood floors - delicately following his commands, probably sure part of it was not accurate. He always got his cookies and apple slices. Always, no matter what. Bad or not.

Rose followed Shep down to her work cubby. Sure enough, Rose called up to Carmen excusing Shep's pushy behavior.

"Fuck, I know," mumbled Carmen to herself, not in the mood to shout back.

Rose poured kibble into the dog bowl and thought about the love-making he had stolen from her and Carmen. Shit, no matter, she thought as she smoothed the healthy golden coat on Shep's back as he ate.

"Good dog, Shep," she said, but thought, (good but not the best) as he wagged his feathered tail. Rose patted his ass, straightened up and let him out into the garden. She put the coffee on and walked over to her work space. She sat and began to fill in the benches and enhanced pathways in her landscaping sketches.

Although Carmen and Rose worked on both tablet and paper, both women preferred a paper trail and the fun of sharing creative projects together. Also, broadband did not always work the way one would want it to out here in the boonies. The trees and heavy weather got in the way. Their electricity went out frequently when it simply rained, let alone in a severe electrical storm.

Clients often requested a watercolor of their completed gardens. Rose was obliging and charged standard prices for each size of her framed art. That was a plus for the company, for the Goddess.

Rose didn't have to work part-time anymore, and her school was still being rebuilt, so classes were cancelled until it reopened. She had plenty of time. Art was fun for her and she was good at it. She felt like she was growing, like her relationships in Carmen's house - and Carmen, herself, were helping her personality grow. To grow towards her ideals, hopes, dreams. She felt misty thinking about it. About her love and the good it did.

She finished one drawing with a flourish, corrected the computerized version and emailed it to Carmen's laptop. She put the paper original on Carm's desk. She had four more to do.

Ever since that call from her mother, Rose could feel the rhinoceros in the room, hulking, alive in a corner. When Carmen would walk in, at certain times, it was horn down, ready to charge. She knew Carmen was anxious about her secretiveness. Rose had not revealed anything about the clandestine telephone conversation with her mother despite her many promises to do so.

She used the intensity of the Green Goddess start-up as an excuse not to talk about it. She heard the rhino snort and saw it paw the ground as soon as Carmen entered the living room behind her this morning. The coitus interruptus did not help. The issues over the call had become a prehistoric fire-breathing purple dragon and Rose flinched thinking about it. She could feel the heat of Carmen's questioning look on her back.

Rose tended to deflect Carmen's curiosity about her private call in the garden for a couple of reasons. One, she was trying to get her Mustang back from her mother and, two - she feared Carmen might feel that Brittany was using the car as some kind of bait. She was, but Rose was used to her mother dangling things at her to get her way. She and Carmen needed the small car for in-town driving and errands. The convertible used far less gas than their huge white Chevy Silverado 1500 Crew Cab. The truck was usually fastened to the 5x12 utility trailer with their landscaping equipment on board.

The hitch was not something Rose could easily manage without Billy or Alfonso. She had to unload their mowers, gravel and sacks of soil in order to keep the trailer from shifting unexpectedly when she tried to unhitch it. Plus, all that equipment was usually loaded by the men of the house and it could take her an hour to do all that herself. She generally gave up and had to drag all that stuff to the store with her when she went shopping, which did not help the gas mileage one little bit.

That lipstick red Mustang would be seriously useful. It pissed Rose off that her mother still used the car as a wedge to get her own way.

The other reason for Rose's tentative approach to discussing the call was far more likely to cause some conflict with Carmen. Brittany Oliver had invited her to a huge charity gala and auction, using the possibility of getting her car back as a "lure". This had put Rose into a controlled rage. She was sick and tired of her mother treating her like she was still going through puberty.

Rose had explained that she had moved in with Carmen because of the Green Goddess Landscaping business. Her mother felt that the move was unnecessary and expressed her distaste for Billy and Alfonso - including Zachary (who might be gay - or Rose's boyfriend). She even told Rose to, "Bring that older woman from Jiffy's to the dinner - do not bring those fags. I know who Carmen is from the store..." Britt hesitated, then dropped the bomb, saying, "She better not be a lesbian living with a bunch of fags. I don't want you to become a homo, too."

This all made Rose turn purple with anger, and it actually had taken her several weeks to calm herself down enough to even think about trying to discuss things with Carmen. Their attendance at the charity gala was imperative. That agreement might bring Brittany a lot closer to returning Rose's car and not intruding on her life at her new home. It could bring both women closer to making peace with Rose's mom, which would be wise.

Rose thought about the impossible weight of the gravel sacks and paving stones, even loaded onto their two-wheeled hydraulic hand truck. Rose also thought about the impossible reactions that Carmen would justifiably have about Brittany's request. That was a huge burden on her shoulders and had been for days.

Rose thought about her mother's admonition against her becoming a "homo" with a smirk, Too late, mother. I've been this way since I was ten. Those two nice blonde, southern belles that I hung out with have been lovers for a decade - since our days in Advanced Placement at Piney Knoll High School and Phi Theta Kappa at Piney Knoll Jr. College. She thought vindictively, No gay emergencies here. We have all been lesbians without your permission forever.

Of course, she didn't say a thing to her mother, whom she was beginning to call 'the asshole'. Britt could not seem to make up her mind which was worse - her running off to the mountains with a fictitious boyfriend or being a lesbian. Rose suspected that the latter could be more frictional.

So, now, she had to embrace her lover and whisper all of this to her, ashamed she had to try and get her to put on a 'straight friend act' just to get Brittany to return her car. Ouch! But it had to be done. She wanted that car. She needed it. Plus, she was damned tired of being manipulated by her mother, who was fucking good at doing just that. Perhaps, there was a chance through this charity invitation to move a step up on Britt's scale of maturity. It was time to treat twenty-two-year-old Rose like an adult. Rose was scared, but she knew Carmen could possibly tip that maturity scale in her favor. Especially since Carmen was so much older.

That is, if Carmen would agree to go to that turgid dinner with her. And, in Rose's mind, that was a gigantic if. She thought of taking Zach with them to make her and Carmen look more hetero - 'bout time her mother thought so too. The charade was all for her.

Not feeling hetero at all when Carmen walked up behind her now, Rose turned and noticed that her lover had on skinny jeans which hugged her butt and showed it off rather nicely. Those pants always turned her on. Carmen's sinuous body had always turned her on, even from a distance when she only knew her as the intriguing lady with the green eyes at Jiffy's. She had checked out her sweet, voluptuous body. Many times. Carmen's friendly, open personality really added to that magnetism.

Now, she moved behind Carmen as she bent over her own desk and ran her hand softly between Carmen's legs and over her well-formed butt. Carmen pushed herself backwards slowly guiding Rose's caressing hands into her most sensitive places, making a barely audible, breathy 'mmm...' sound.

Rose salivated at the thought of the flowery taste of Carmen's body. She could smell her perfume emanating all around the two of them. She laughed out loud and made her hand motions harder, encouraging Carmen's arousal through her pants. She felt her surge and tremble.

"Hah!" Carmen breathed in a pliant whisper, looking around the room for her brother or any stray male roommates. No one had seen them. She turned to face Rose and ran her hand inside her pants. Rose moved with the familiar touch.

She said, overwhelmed with the intoxication of her feelings, "What's the point of getting dressed if we make love with our clothes on all day?"

"Mmm..." breathed Carmen into Rose's reddened ear as she played with her. Rose called out Carmen's name uncontrollably as her excitement peaked with billowing waves of bursting arousal.

Carmen knew the slow languorous motions that would make Rose's love peak in synchronicity with her own hammering heartbeat. Her affection for her young lover overwhelmed her as Rose's rushing feelings and trembling body intoxicated her inner being.

"Sweetheart," she whispered as she tasted Rose's mouth, moving her tongue deep into her throat and out again, playing with Rose's tongue and inner embouchure tissues scented with a tangy, soft, almost citrus flavor. Rose, to her, was a soft, fragrant breeze. A zephyr. Her mind filled automatically with memories of Rose's intimate flavors. Reminders about how much time they had before customers would need their plans began to surface, too.

"God, you are so perfect," whispered Rose into Carmen's ear, her lips reddened and engorged from her lover's passionate fondling. They hugged and laughed, looking at the Green Goddess plans they had almost forgotten in their urgency to climb into each other's souls, let alone their bodies. They needed to get to work.

"We'll never get anywhere like this," said Carmen huskily with this familiar phrase that was quickly becoming a joke between the two of them, noticing the scent of their mingled perfumes that pervaded the air around them - patchouli and lemongrass. She tried unsuccessfully not to get distracted.

"Yeah, we will," answered Rose, smiling against Carmen's smooth, flawless but freckled cheek. "Just don't ever stop loving me." She gave Carmen a quick, moist kiss and went to her own desk with an armful of Carmen's estimates. The music from the kitchen radio engulfed their happy, satisfied bodies and minds.

Work called. The newly formed company had five standing orders ready for estimates and garden designs. Time to get busy.

Gay people have more moments in a day than anyone else does. With homosexuals, the day flows in a different way - the colors are deeper - the fragrances more lingering - the natural light more nuanced - the atmosphere more intelligent and natural - like love. But it wasn't just love - it was culture. Like the way Carmen and Rose glanced at each other while they worked in their separate cubbies.

The afternoon wind blew comfortably from one end of the house to the open windows on the other end. Carmen needed her paperweights to keep her work papers from flying around the room. Her work table was closer to the kitchen than Rose's desk, so the big, open sliding glass doors in that room created a wind tunnel aimed directly at her work space off the living room. She needed a portable office divider to block the turbulence. Rose was within arm's reach but protected from the shifting afternoon air by having her desk inside an old alcove. There had been no time or money to get anything fancy like an office divider for Carmen. That would come later.

Rose worked the dimples around her small-petaled mouth as she drew more designs on paper and on her tablet. She felt a little uncomfortable and still aroused. She worked as fast as she could. She wanted to make love again. She couldn't help it. She wanted to feel Carmen against her, her fingers evoking every sensation in a kaleidoscope of feelings - little bits of broken colored glass coming together in a butterfly-wing pattern. The familiar scent of her. The scent of the both of them together.

Carmen seemed to know and glanced at her with a smile. Rose squirmed in her seat, getting slightly aroused just thinking about Carmen's body. She felt no small amount of frustration at having to work so hard. She wanted to play right now, in a certain way anyway. This company had to make it, so she forced herself to concentrate.

They worked together until the sun went down in the early evening. They compiled their finished estimates and designs, calling all their clients to arrange meetings with them the next day instead of today. Their appointments were easily pushed up until then. The two women were well-liked in town, so it was easy to make some acceptable excuses for changing appointments.

Rose's secretive phone call was forgotten in the passion and tasks of the day. Her craving for Carmen's touch did not ease even throughout their dinner. She was embarrassed about how obsessive she could get. It felt so good to talk to Carmen again, touching her at the same time. Ah, you know...

***

LATER IN THE SUMMER:

Carmen was holding her chin in her hand, deep in the misty colors of a daydream. She drifted in and out, half-asleep at her work desk on the edge of the cool and moody atmosphere of the living room. Or, was the moodiness her own? Probably.

She turned in her swivel chair and caught a vision of the sunlight fading into the rainbow of her garden, the flowers in clean, decorative beds - perfectly trimmed by Rose who had turned out to be really good at small details that made her garden designs pop and way made up for the fact that Rose was barely one hundred pounds and couldn't do much heavy lifting or manual labor. Most of their regular clients were contracted because of Rose's artistry - and Carmen's knowledge of local plants.

Carmen's garden was about 75 years old. It was a North Carolina encyclopedia of wildflowers, herbs and plants. Carmen had studied it every day during the lonely days of elementary school when her parents were too drunk to cook or care for her or Zach. The garden had always soothed her hurt feelings and feelings of isolation, besides providing at least a vegetable meal.

She studied and identified the plants as she tended to them as a child - just as conscientiously as she tended to her kid brother who was ten years younger than her and followed her around like a puppy. He even called her "momma" and once pointed at their mother and asked, "Who is she?"

To be fair, when her mother sobered up, she enjoyed joining Carmen in the garden and managed to pass on her extensive knowledge of the care of their flora, even if she didn't take care of her own children except when she could walk steadily without falling over, which was not often. She would drink so much that she would fall full force flat on her face, too drunk to break her fall even with her arms. She broke her nose twice.

That's why when Carmen picked up Rose's cell and heard Brittany Oliver spew an icy blizzard of cold words at her instead of simply asking to speak to her daughter, she went ballistic. It was a good thing Rose was right behind her and heard enough of the conversation to reach around and grab the cell. Again, she went outside and cut Carmen out of that picture.

Carmen relied heavily on her young lover for many little things that meant a lot. Such as moment to moment understanding and Rose's natural encompassing compassion, empathy and affection. It was just a touch or the look in her eyes, but it was everything.

It hurt that Rose wouldn't share these calls with her. She knew it wasn't lack of trust on Rose's part. Her intuition told her that it was something else, something difficult. She thought, A request that Rose knows I won't like. Could be anything if it was about that old bitch.

Carmen was about ten years older than Brittany, so the truth was she, herself, was the elder. She didn't feel that way, though. She didn't look her age and Brittany Oliver had never given her the respect she was due. She had never offered to help Rose out even once since she moved in with Carmen.

Damn, thought Carmen. I really hate that fucking woman. She mused as she moved to the kitchen and had a quick sandwich and cup of coffee by herself, still looking into the garden, still too far to the side to see Rose talking on her phone in the garden. She thought, Britt's going to find out one day what was on the other side. Hope it comes soon. Our truths just don't match. She laughed grimly to herself and thought, We're suddenly in the majority - four homosexuals (and a supporter) against one small-minded idiot. She thought angrily, Let's see where it gets us.

Shep walked up to her, coming in the open glass door from the garden. As usual, he knew when she was upset. The dog nudged her hand and stuck his shiny, soft noggin underneath it, petting himself by sliding around under her limp hand as Carmen continued to muse, absent-mindedly feeling the comfort of Shepard's head. He chuffed a muffled bark.

Carmen was pretty sure (as she scratched Shep comfortingly behind his ears) that Brittany Oliver was playing some game to lure "her" Rose back to her own home. She was trying to get her adult child back into her manipulative clutches.

She knew Rose wanted the diary her mother had stolen along with the car. It was an issue, and had been, since Brittany's audacious break-in. Maybe that was what the secret negotiations were all about. That's how Britt knew that Rose had first met Carmen at the store - through the diary. There was no mention of the L-word in the stolen notebook. Rose was too smart for that. It was mostly filled with Rose's sketches. Good ones, too. They both wanted those sketches back. Rose needed her emotional history, too.

The business was booming. Rose and Carmen even thought of offering a Fall mulch service with an optional Spring reviving session. Offering continuous garden upkeep had gotten them quite a few regular clients in just the past few weeks. They were contracted to work on each garden once a month, besides regular lawn cutting, which was extra.

The money was rolling in on diesel wheels. It was smokin'. Right now, Carmen tensely assumed that Rose was outside on the hammock, either reading or sleeping with Shep laying underneath her in the shade of her body and the falling darkness of the twilight. Carmen knew that Rose was planning a greenhouse and probably sketching the plans in between naps and that threatening phone call.

Carmen couldn't see her from where she sat. She dozed, leaning on her elbows, lost in a shimmering chartreuse cloud of well-deserved rest. Her muscles ached but according to her records, they had saved over $25,000 and paid off all their landscaping equipment. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes, feeling safer than she had for a while.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped. "Shit!" she exclaimed, jerked from her reverie. She looked up to see Rose's amusement. She tickled Carmen's neck and kissed it, bringing her back solidly to the present and awakening her fully to consciousness.

Rosie said, "You know it's dangerous to fall asleep sitting up."

Carmen sighed and rested her chin back on her hand, looking down at her empty coffee cup resting amid her Goddess papers.

Rose pulled at her shirt and said, "Come upstairs. You need a nap. I'll make my own dinner. Come on, Baby...let's go..."

Carmen hung on Rose and followed her across the polished wood floor and up the stairs. They both sat down on their bed. Carmen reached over and put her hand up under Rose's peasant blouse. Rose laughed but pushed her hand away, saying, "You know I've had something to tell you..."

Carmen rubbed the sunburnt freckles on her forehead and thought, Shit, here it comes. Fuckle time - not cuddle time!

"Well, you know I've been trying to get my Mustang back from mother..."

Carmen thought vindictively, I knew it!

"She agreed to give me the keys on condition that we attend her end-of-the-season County Charity Dinner."

"We?!" shot Carmen back at her, bouncing on the bed in agitation and moving away to look Rose in the eye. Rose flinched at her look and said, "Both of us. I had to promise. Mother said she wants to meet you close-up since I live and work with you. She says that's what a good mother should do. I think she is wary because you are so much older than me."

Carmen frowned until her green eyes bit into Rose's delicate face. She answered her lover bitterly, "She's a motherfucker. I hate your mother."

"It's only one night, Carmen. You'll impress her." Rose caressed Carmen's cheek and said, "You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. You'll do fine."

Carmen was an easy mark for Rose's touch and knew she had to give in. "Okay," she said. "I'll go. I already know we have to wear dresses and heels." She hesitated, then added wryly, "Or sandals..."

Rose laughed lightly, like the unexpected tinkling of glass bells swinging in a breeze. She didn't expect to win so easily. "Me, too...for the sandals," she added.

"Getting that car back will save..." Carmen started to say. Rose finished the sentence with, "...about $200 or more a month in gasoline. Plus, there'll be savings selling our own plants from the greenhouse."

"When is this disaster?" Carmen asked, referring to the dinner.

Rose swallowed audibly and answered timidly, tracing Carmen's lips with her fingertip jokingly, "Tomorrow night. We have to bring Zach. It's a dance."

Carmen exploded with, "Well, fuckle it intensively! We have to put on a nice, straight show for all the charity ladies and gents. Zach should cover that. One girl on each arm."

"Looking hetero is the idea. Britt will like that. She thinks Zach is gay or my boyfriend. We can convince her that he isn't homosexual. I think she knows that he is your brother by now (word gets around on greased wings). I get horrors thinking she might know we are lovers."

"You tell Zach."

"Okay."

Well, the two lovers weren't anything near to hetero that night. They made love. For hours, they buried their worries over Brittany deeply inside their sensitive and euphoric wonder of each other.

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# Chapter Twelve: Turn It Around

Sundresses, sandals and sneakers were scattered around the bedroom. Laughter rang throughout the house. Zach's wife had called and told him his kids wanted to visit, or he needed to come home soon. He was having so much fun with the gay boys, he felt a little down about the call. He told his wife he would call her back. He knew his paid vacation days were almost up anyway.

Laying on their bed, Carmen softly pulled Rose's UNC T-shirt up and off. Rose was braless, as usual. Carmen moved, running her hand down Rose's seductive curves, pushing on her so that her legs opened to her. Rose's scent increased in intensity as their touching increased. Rose danced with their mutual desire sideways and downward, up again with a gasp of pleasure.

Carmen wiggled out of her own shirt and pants and moved Rose on top, still between her legs. The mutual movement and final shudder made them both smother a laugh.

Carmen shifted Rose's position a little, so she could kiss her more slowly. Carmen's eyes lighted on the tattoo of a rose on Rose's left hip bone. Inside the bright red flower was emblazoned one word: "Carmen" in a very fancy script. She laughed and said, wryly, "When did you get this?"

Rose put her hand deep into Carmen's curls and played around musingly. She answered, "Uh...a couple of days ago. Like it?"

"Mmm..." answered Carmen, still watching Rose continue moving her hips, almost inadvertently, obviously not willing to give up the next delicious sensation for this trivia.

"I like it," said Carmen.

Rose could not help a tired yawn. "We have to get dressed, Carmen," she said reluctantly, more into sleeping than going to her mother's party. "We only have a couple of hours. But first..." Rose shifted and pulled Carmen up and over her.

They continued making love, took a shower and got dressed in similar cotton sleeveless sundresses and sandals. Neither woman wanted to wear nylons on such a hot and humid evening.

***

AS ROSE, CARMEN AND an elegant but sporty Zachary walked under the arbors of foliage elaborately decorating the entrance of the Piney Knoll Country Club ballroom, the intense scent from the minions of cut flower arrangements surrounded them. They glided silently over the marble floors. The flowers surrounded them with an other-worldly fragrance. The flower arrangements were so abundant that they brushed the shoulders of all the party-goers as they entered the building and walked the long, red-carpeted hall to the banquet room. Zach plucked a large white rose and put it in his jacket button hole.

They entered the main hall and Carmen gasped at the elaborate over-the-top decor. Center stage was a five-foot ice sculpture of a swan with blue glittering led lights showcasing it. Its finely crafted back held a vase with more flowers. The perfume of cut flowers drifted throughout the banquet hall in varying fragrances. Rose steered Zach and Carmen into a small, adjoining side room that had been re-made with a wine, fruit and cheese bar resplendent with black and white garbed waiters and waitresses serving guests at cafe tables.

"Want a job?" joked Rose, flashing pearly teeth and the tiny dimples in the corners of her mouth at Carmen in a grin. Their waiter brought a bottle of sparkling white wine and three glasses. He deftly placed the bottle into an ice bucket in the center of the round table. Rose raised her eyebrows at Carmen, waiting for the answer - indicating the uniformed waiter's service.

"No!" caught Carmen, slinging the answer back at her, "I'd rather go back to stacking boxes at Jiff's, and sharing the local gossip appropriate for a woman my age." Rose moved her chair closer to Carmen's, laughed and touched her thigh, resting her hand there, under the table.

The music from the banquet area increased in volume as the main room filled with women and men in elaborate formal attire, laughing and moving around from person to person. The guests danced to the band. The large hall began to fill with what seemed to be wall-to-wall people.

The dance band was good. Brittany Oliver's charity gatherings were legendary for their fine entertainment and abundant donations during the usual end-of-the-night auction. The band played the opening bars to Shania Twain's hit Feel like A Woman - now a favorite of Rose and Carmen. The dance floor began to fill. Carmen and Rose met each other's eyes like dampened flames, knowing they could not share this dance. Even Zach noticed.

He said, "Hey, you two. How about the patio? You can hear the music just fine from there. I'll stand guard." Both women sparkled and stood up, following him outside behind the potted plants, into the cooler air of the evening. The moon lent a small amount of pale filtered light. They were not in view of the banquet guests, but well within earshot of the music.

Rose's tiny body fit comfortably inside the movements of Carmen's larger body. She flowed into her lightly in counterpoint as they danced. Carmen moved her hips and Rose quickly moved closer to her stomach, catching her lover's movement with a subtle, inventive rhythm of her own. They hugged each other and found a slower movement to the fast-paced beat. There was always something slower and more luscious. They found that together. It wasn't hard.

Bah-bah-dee-dah-dah-dut-dut...

Let's go girls, come on!

I'm goin' out tonight. I'm feelin' all right.

Gonna let it all hang out...

Rose found a way to slide her hips into Carmen fast enough to keep up with the throbbing beat of the song's ironic lyrics at this very straight gathering of homophobes. Felt good to let loose and love. Before the song was over, Zach walked up behind his sister and said, "Time's up, ladies - smokers approach."

The two women drew apart watching a couple of men in tuxes walk outside. They smiled at the small group. Everyone sat down together on the stone benches set behind a small garden plot. Rose got squished in between one of the guys and Carmen.

They had brought a bottle of red wine outside. Rose and Carmen didn't really want any, but Zachary was friendly and had some right from the bottle, so the women went along with it without having any themselves.

Rose knew the man that sat down beside her. He was a former football jock from high school. It had to be Ralph Willis, no one quite had a head like that except him. He had a crush on her at PK High. This made Rose uncomfortable sitting so close. She had brushed him off in high school, not complimented like the other girls that he was their star quarterback. She hadn't cared. She had a crush on a girl in her study period. Study Hall was a notorious time to cruise for crushes and hers were the cheerleaders, not the jocks.

Of course, the men also produced some joints. Everyone smoked weed and drank as the music played on. The moon rose full in the nighttime shadows. The heady scent of magnolia lifted the mood of the party goers. Ralph seemed to edge closer to Rose the more they hit that bottle. Closer and closer ... until Rose could not help but lean her leg against his. It was that or put her knees up under her chin. She reluctantly chose the former, trying to push Carmen over a little more to give her some space away from Ralph's obvious come-on.

He cracked a lame joke and flung his arm around her shoulder in a very weak effort to seem nonchalant. Rose shivered with resentment, like a bee getting ready to sting. Ralph squinted at her through the way too succulent evening air which was beginning to turn sour, just as Brittany walked outside. She made curt clippity noises in her nine-inch Jimmy Choo heels on the pavement tiles. Good thing the weed was gone. She notoriously did not permit marijuana at her charity auctions.

"Uh, oh ... your mom," said Ralph under his breath. Zach looked at what was going on with the two of them and stood up, facing Brittany, eye-to-eye.

The wine bottle disappeared behind one of the benches. Carmen took advantage of the confusing commotion and pushed Ralph's arm off Rose, saying boldly, but quietly, "She's my girl..."

Brittany seemed to freeze and gave Carmen a peculiar look. Carmen hoping to hell she didn't hear that. Britt walked over to Rose, Carmen and Ralph still seated on the bench together. She locked her angry eyes with Carmen, who was already enflamed by the entire situation. She said, "And you are?" in lieu of an introduction. Britt did a double take and a look of recognition washed over her face. "Ah, Carmen La Pierre - the girl from Jiffy's Seven-Eleven. How old are you anyway? Don't you think you are a little old to have such young friends and such a young girl living with you? How about people your own age?"

Carmen inconspicuously pushed on Rose with her leg and looked down, away from Brittany's multiple insults and stupid questions. Holding her breath, Carmen hoped Britt would just go away if she didn't breathe or look at her. She mumbled, too softly to be heard over the band, "We own a successful small business, now."

Brittany practically shouted, "What?! What did you say when I walked out here? You were talking to this lovely young man Ralph Willis. I have known his mother since we moved here from Paris. She is a scion of county and state charities. What do you have in common with him? How old did you say you are?"

"Fifty." Carmen's flashing jade eyes glimmered her emotional response to the question. Her answer added some wood to Britt's already raging inferno. Her eyes turned a devilish red. Her pupils widened. "I thought I heard you say that Rose belonged to you!"

Rose stood up at this and linked arms with her mother, saying, "Mom, let's go inside. We need to talk."

Brittany looked triumphant and moved off with her daughter. She called over her shoulder, "If you folks want dinner, you'd better come on in. The waiters are beginning to serve." The two of them, plus the duly embarrassed male party crashers, stood up and started to make their way inside to the banquet tables.

It seemed as if the sky had shut down. The air had quit moving. The moon and stars disappeared as soon as Rose went along trailing behind her mother. The cooling breezes stilled as if the Earth took a deep inbreath and refused to let it out. Carmen bit her lower lip. It began to rain in a blurring drizzle relieving some of the suffocating heat.

Carmen gave Ralph a sharp, pretty much ugly, look and swore at him, taking Zachary by the sleeve, she guided him the rest of the way inside, holding on to his arm.

"Not much for talking, are they?" commented Ralph's friend, turning to him standing by the stone bench, still outside by the banquet hall door ... not minding the light drizzle.

Ralph frowned and looked at his feet, saying, "Never was. I just dig Rose, that's all. Always did."

His friend laughed, "I think you picked a lezzie. See the look on that older woman's face when you put your arm over her shoulders? She was fit to kill. Better take another look."

"Aw, shit!" exclaimed Ralph, red-faced, looking gooney. "They said stuff like that in high school, but I didn't believe it. She is so nice! So pretty! How can someone that is so soft and feminine be a homo?"

"Believe it...Come on, let's kill that wine, bro"

"If I get drunk enough, maybe I'll have the courage to ask Rose out after the charity auction at the end of tonight's program."

"Good luck..." said the other tux, as he handed Ralph the bottle.

Ralph laughed, almost in triumph, and said, "Well, she won't be a lezzie tonight!" He emptied the rest of the wine by himself out of false bravado.

His friend said, "Let's get another bottle inside. I'm not smoking pot if Ms. Oliver is snooping around out here. Never did like her."

"You know she'll be back to check on us. How can a nasty woman like that have such a beautiful daughter?"

"Happens all the time."

The two men snickered and belched at their wisdom, staggering drunk onto the dance floor. As soon as Ralph thought he saw Rose standing alone, he snuck up and grabbed her from behind in a bear hug. Determined to speak his mind whatever the consequences, he became even more emboldened. "Afraid of a little revolution?" he mocked as he encircled her waist and breathed in her ear, his cheek close to hers.

Rose whirled around in a flash, her violet eyes striking out and gathering strength as she froze Ralph's gaze with a bitterness that belied her small stature and youth.

"Holy shit!" sputtered Ralph, withdrawing quickly away from her with a look of horror on his face. Guess that was not the reaction that he expected, not being the brightest penny in the roll.

"Afraid of a little revolution?" hissed Carmen behind him, her claws and fangs emerging like those of a werewolf or other hungry, challenged carnivore upon seeing their prey. Ralph backed away from the two angry women to the ironic lyrics of the lead singer entoning Had a Bad Day:

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile, and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down, and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

So where is the passion when you need it the most?

Oh, you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost...

You had a bad day (had a bad day, had a bad day, had a bad day...)

[Songwriters: Daniel Powter,

Bad Day lyrics (C) Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC]

--------

TO CONFIRM THE LYRICS to Ralph - and make sure what kind of day he was having, hopefully a bad one, Lieutenant Margarita Jones, in plain clothes, holding the hand of her girlfriend, Longoria Walker strode up to the three of them.

"Problem here?!" she questioned in a suspicious voice, shielding her girl from Ralph and flashing her badge. She unbuttoned the holster on her shoulder arm conspicuously. Ralph flinched. His face glistened with perspiration. He swore at the song, as the lead singer repeated, "Had a bad day" a zillion times more than his mind could take. Guilt must be spouting from every pore on his face. He figured everyone could see it. He took a few quick steps sideways and backed into Carmen again. She said, turning to Maggie, "You working security tonight?"

"Nope," the curious cop answered. "Know who is, though. They work for the Piney Knoll P.D. during the day. We got this sucker (nodding at Ralph) covered. I just need to radio the night crew at the station to have him hauled in for harassment."

She glared at Ralph with glistening, deep brown, unfriendly eyes, a step away from pulling out her service weapon just to scare the living balls off him. The more of those that drop to the floor, the better. She frowned like thunder before the storm and turned to Carmen, asking, "What'd he do?" A bit late, but no harassment towards gays was allowed around Maggie. That included the entire town of Piney Knoll. She was hot and had been on the police force for at least twenty years, so it was no surprise to those who called her a friend straight or gay.

Carmen answered, still in the throes of justified anger, "Came on to Rose. Used his hands..."

"Out!" commanded Margarita in a loud, very pissed-off voice, taking hold of Mr. Had-a-bad-day's tux and pulling him towards the door, tearing a jagged hole in the arm of his rent-a-tux - to make his day worse. Everything in his evening seemed to be contributing to this downward trend. His friend followed sheepishly. Jones tossed both of them out into the parking lot, saying, "You can come back for the auction. Stay away from Rose or you risk arrest. We will be watching."

Carmen had followed them out at a distance. As the two men got into their car, she heard the final roar of an imaginary, emotional hurricane in her mind. She rubbed her face and went inside, still shaking.

Henry Campbell, Ralph's buddy, drove out of the parking lot and pulled up to the curb around the corner. He said, turning to Ralph, "That was pretty bold, Ralph. Any one of those lezzies could have broken your nose..."

"...or arrested me; thrown me in jail; got me in bad with my mother. Which is worse, I do not know." He paused and said, "Ugh...yes I do. My mom...She expects me to be at that auction at the end of the banquet."

"After what I said...you'd think you might have gone easy...grabbing her from behind?! That's too aggressive even for a straight girl." Hank paused, then continued, "You could have touched her hand lightly as if it might have been an accident, a mistake that you could apologize for later. A come-on, but not obvious. Not you though - you had to be a major Bozo. What were you thinking about in terms of where you would wind up with Rose? A total stranger from long-ago high school crushes? I mean Ralph! You knew her in high school! That was years ago!"

"I didn't think she should be a lesbian. I thought if she could feel me closer, she might..."

"...punch you in the gut. Give it up! There are lots of girls here, Ralph. With the local cops on your stupid ass, just bid for your mother's charity and let's go home. No more booze."

Ralph answered, "'Kay," meekly, and lit a joint. Hank refused to pass it back once he took his toke. He said, "Dude, I'm going to leave you out here. If you get into trouble, you can walk home." Henry began to back up heading towards the parking lot again.

Ralph started to cry like a little kid. He said, "Hasn't been my best day."

"Yeah, no shit," commented a slightly more sympathetic Hank, punching him in the shoulder in semi-forgiving camaraderie.

***

A FLASHY RED CONVERTIBLE sped past the two men, spraying a wide trail of road dust. Ralph coughed, gagging on the dirt it had thrown up into his face. Rose and Carmen, music blasting, top down, looked sideways at them, third fingers aloft. Ralph grunted as an unravelling roll of toilet paper was lobbed into Hank's passenger side window. It hit Ralph squarely in the shoulder. "Shit!" he yelled as Hank's car swerved backwards and hit the curb. Hank slammed to a stop.

"That's what you get!" he shouted at Ralph's shocked face, making him grimace. "See what you did?!" he continued.

"Sorry," answered Ralph without remorse, still feeling his testosterone. "Guess they left early. Let's go. My parents will be there for the auction. I can't miss it. If I'm not at home, I have to be here."

Hank was totally disgruntled, worrying about the damage that the crunching noise might mean when his car hit the curb.

A police car pulled up behind them, Mars lights throwing flares of eerie red and blue skittering around the road inside the yellow of the streetlights. Hank's heart started thumping hard. Between Ralph and those angry lesbians, he really did not need a ticket. Too late - it was Lt. Jones in the patrol car. And, he got a whopping big ticket for parking in a no-parking zone, even though he had been forced off the road. He shrieked inside himself, looking at the backs of his hands, angry at his fingernails.

Henry had tried to start his Toyota after hitting the curb, but it would only wheez fitfully and die. He shook with anger, turning to Ralph, he said tersely, "Like I said, Dude. You walk! I'll wait here for Triple A. I already have a ticket. Get out! Go home with your parents. I think you need them." He unlocked the doors of the car with a loud click.

Ralph gave a garbled reply and got out of Hank's car, walking towards the country club entrance with his head hanging down and his hands stuffed into his pockets, kicking gravel dismally, his head doggedly unwilling to give up the musical repetition of the dismal lyrics to Bad Day...

***

ROSE SCREAMED CRUDELY in victory and let the rapid movement of the Mustang wash the wind over her face and push her hair back. She raised her fists in triumph.

Carmen said over the noise of the wind and Rose's yelling, "You broke little Ralphie's heart, bless his stupid soul."

"Fuck him!" shouted Rose, punching Carmen on the shoulder.

"You don't want to do that," responded Carmen, joking, flashing a green eye over Rose's tiny body. Rose trembled with laughter, feeling Carmen's body scan, she moved over, closer, touching.

They pulled in front of Jiff's. Rose hopped out and ran into the partially rebuilt store, her dark hair streaming in the summer breeze, cooling her damp neck. Carmen bowed her head into the steering wheel. She peeked sideways just enough to see Jiff shade his eyes and look back at the Mustang in his parking lot. He caught her glance, smiled and waved. She grinned, looked up and waved back, still hiding a little. Rose walked out with a box of white wine. She put her head to the side and waved too.

As she ducked into the convertible, she said, "I ordered three everything pizzas. Since we didn't stay for dinner, I thought we could use something." Carmen smooched her on the cheek. Rose blushed when she suspected that Jiff had seen them.

She said, "Jiffy said 'hi'." Rose huffed and continued, looking to see if Jiff was still in the window. He was. "He said that anytime you want a job, you can..."

"Jump right in and work there until I die..."

"Sort of...I told him the landscape business was doing just fine and I didn't think you needed anything at this time."

"Or ever..."

The two women drove down the familiar roads in a casual way, slower than necessary, just drifting, really, under the blooming of the full moon, enjoying the passing scent of wildflowers and cooler updrafts of night air chasing away the steamy afternoon and twilight.

Both women were feeling good about their mission of the evening. In one night, Rose had convinced her mother to let her live at Carmen's indefinitely; that the Green Goddess was a good future and a solvent, growing business; and that she should return Rose's car to her.

Green Goddess Landscaping was becoming known in Brittany's own upper-class circle. It turns out that she was loudly known for her pride in her daughter's artistic and business talent. Of course, Britt took all the credit for her daughter's new popularity. Basically, tonight, Rose had saved her college fund, car and even the house keys to her mother's home.

Now it was time to celebrate!

Later, when the pizzas got there, everyone was hungry and almost sober again. They passed on the wine, mostly.

|  |

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# Chapter Thirteen: Goodbye for the Summer - Just a Summer Love?

The rest of the summer flew by on wings of heavy, backbreaking labor, tender care and love. Rose had interviews with local radio and television about her garden designs. Carmen built a large greenhouse with their Green Goddess profits and started a secret college fund for Rose, who had graduated with a Science degree from Piney Knoll Junior College. She was accepted into UNC Chapel Hill. Piney Knoll was only an easy couple of hours away. A long ride, but way worth it. Scheduling classes only three days a week made a commute tenable.

Conversely, time passed deeply between Carmen and Rose, like a slow river at low tide. Their relationship was like the Sun and Moon in relation to the rotation of the wide hips of the Earth. The tides flowed from side to side making love with the seasons of our planet, of which they felt an integral part. All the miracles of this green place we live in were a part of these two peaceful, loving women. Their love for each other seemed to calm everything around them. Carmen's educated green thumb made their greenhouse alive with growth and fecundity. Rose's garden designs made people stand in line to become clients.

Thus, their popularity grew around the tiny hamlet of Piney Knoll and the women became the center of a larger community of advocates - some of which knew they were gay, and some, like Brittany Oliver - did not, and need not, know about all that.

Speaking of the devil (who presently had the appropriate initials of B.O.), Brittany Oliver was also a new fan of Carmen and Rose's company. That, of course, did not mean anything that was too close to normal. Britt was her usual manipulative self. She was used to getting what she wanted, and that weighed heavily on Carmen, in particular.

But, now at this moment, Rose could care less about her mother and fielding her demands. She leaned inside Carmen's shoulder and thought of the many sunsets and sunrises they had witnessed in each other's arms under snowy sheets; in the rain; with blisters from planting; through dangerous storms and money problems; for everything that people vowed in any marriage - but they did all of that without a contract ... what they did, they did for love. Rose wanted the contract, but Carmen was older and still wary.

There was too much hope there to have it taken away by some shit-house legislator who wanted to reverse gay marriage laws - she wasn't worried about Rose's fidelity. Their day's ends and beginnings were dedicated with an embrace inside each other's souls and bodies. The last six months were spent in an easy glide adding their warmth and affection for each other to every task they undertook. Even they commented on how easy it was to be together. Other people, such as their customers, might not know they were lesbians, but Carmen and Rose had gotten famous for their joviality, humor with each other, talent and honesty.

Rose might have been too small to lift heavy bags of gravel, sand or soil, but it was mainly due to her artistic talent that Green Goddess grew in renown. Her clever, pretty garden designs even made a spread in two national magazines. The plants from their new greenhouse were a real income boost.

Locals that didn't need or couldn't afford to hire the Goddess crew for a complete landscaping makeover or garden planning, could buy orchard trees, bushes, flowering trees and outdoor plants on the weekends when Billy and Alfonso ran the greenhouse. Or, they could hire Carmen and Rose to do a smaller planting or flower box design which was spectacular, but economical. Plus, they installed fountains and sold other garden doo-dads such as tasteful concrete statuary, path tiles, edging and bird feeders and baths.

The money got better every month. Carmen secretly hired a lawyer and put together a Trust fund for Rose. She thought heavily about a marriage certificate. The Trust would have to do for now. They had only lived together a few months.

A small conflict grew between them over the money. Carmen knew she had to keep the Trust quiet. Rose was highly independent and guarded that aspect of her life her own way. Carmen did all the financials, so it was easier to stash something away specifically for Rose and not let her see it.

Their separate savings made Carmen feel uncomfortable. The bulk of their profits went into a mutual Limited Liability Company account. It was just a lover thing. If Rose wanted to run from her or leave without telling her for some reason, she could. She had her own car and sizable savings in a personal account. It was a "horror-show-worst-case-scenario" creepy feeling. It was not based on anything real. Perhaps it was just past history for Carmen, such as the heartbreaks of high school and what happened with those. Yeah, that's what it was, but that awareness did not make Carmen any less fidgety, nervous or tense.

Another source of conflict was Rose's pretend relationship with her mother. Brittany was looking forward to paying all of Rose's UNC tuition and fees, along with a hefty allowance when she started University in September. Britt thought of it as a reward for Rose's academic honors at PK Jr. College, but Carmen felt it was just another way to make Rose feel something positive about her mother and be forced to thank her. Rose would be bought and sold and have to tiptoe around her mother like she did now.

It worked, too. She fell right into the trap. And so, Carmen thought, it will go on endlessly until Brittany knows the truth of their relationship. And that would happen ... eventually. Carmen knew Rose felt her distance on this subject. Coming out was not only difficult, but it could be dangerous as well.

Neither woman knew if their company could stand it. Carmen felt better about their customers than she did about nosy, old Brittany. They all knew each other from around town. Some of them might leave, but the Goddess company had become an integral part of the local landscape scene. Most folks might be shy about them being gay, but they would not run away.

Worry was not something Carmen was good at. Her peptic ulcer would bother her. She had to go on a vegan diet when her ulcer would occasionally flare up, which irritated her. She liked to eat with others and she had to leave out half the ingredients for the dishes she cooked for herself.

True, Rose was sweeter than even Billy and Alfie about it and even figured out that Carmen loved it when she cooked her vegan entrees. Everything fried came out crispy and full of flavor but low on grease. She could make vegetables and rice taste rich and filling. Rose was a naturally gifted cook. Carmen guessed that it was because she was raised in France with a professional cook, and Brittany was always on some kind of carb-restricted diet that included a load of veggies.

Carmen felt Britt held Rose by the purse strings, and, worse, Rose let her. Carmen tried to argue that they did not need her mother's money anymore and that Rose needed to tell her that. She cried, she pleaded, but was stopped cold by the younger woman's sure resolution that she alone knew how to handle her mother and that it was tricky. Carmen agreed with the last part.

Carmen made that argument once, and once only. She immediately saw that Rose preferred the delicate balance of her mom's relationship rather than disturb anything between them. That included not coming out to her. Maybe ever.

Rosie did not like the money and knew she did not need it, but she agreed to let her mother pay for things just to keep the peace between them. It all gave Carmen a sickening feeling and brought back sinking reflections that racked her mind and pulled at her ideas like quick sand. Her old inferiority complex come back full force. It was like her own mother was there, drunk and unresponsive, lacking compassion. Britt was nowhere as bad, but that negative feeling was just as intense.

She felt it was not worth upsetting Rose by insisting on her own ideas. They were there, though, like a boulders sitting inside her heart whenever Britt called on the phone, which she did too much. In fact, she called just about every weekend.

One point in Rose's favor, though, was that she managed to not get any visits from mother dearest - unannounced or planned. Britt was incredulous that Rose would choose to live with two obviously gay men (at least she won't get pregnant). She still wanted her away from Billy and Alfonso and her "older friend", but she got nowhere. The Green Goddess was protecting their whole household like the Buddha of Success.

Their Almighty Dollars stood up in front of them and posed a formidable defense system, like artillery. Their new home security system, complete with its own computer screen and cameras helped, too. They even had it extended to the greenhouse. It was fun to watch the cameras, especially when you knew someone was coming over. A bell would ring in the house when a customer entered the greenhouse.

They could see clear out to the county road beyond their drive. The 24-hour recordings were reduced in size and stored on large capacity thumb drives. Panic buttons were also distributed throughout the house at Alfonso's light and lively suggestion.

It was not possible for Brittany to even chuck her ass through a window without some alarm sounding and their security boards downstairs and in Carmen and Rose's bedroom lighting up like the sunrise.

***

AS FAR AS ROSE WAS concerned, she was in no way going to ignore Carmen's feelings. She knew Carmen was the love of her life. She felt her mom was fading like old blue jeans and becoming slowly, more comfortably, distant ... and, hopefully, unraveled. All Rose had to do was give in to her once-in-a-while. The charity bash season had ended for the year and there were no more formal dinners or requisite charity gatherings with disgusting high school 'Fuckness Monsters' like Ralph Willis. Both women were thankful for that. Neither looked forward to Christmas when they both knew their family ties would again come into question. Carmen secretly planned on taking Rose to Oregon to be with Zach's family. She knew, though, that Rose might insist on seeing Brittany. She just had to keep that illusion of family alive.

But Rose could not get Carmen to stop hesitating when she spoke. She felt there were hidden feelings behind their conversations - and it bothered her. She needed a resolution somehow.

Zachary had gone back to Grant's Pass to his wife and children. He had promised Carmen to stop drinking so much. "More than one or two beers is too much," was her admonition to him. He promised. She was glad she had come out to him. He had proved that he was as loving as he had been as a child. He had helped with the start-up of their business and had been a strong supporter when the work was difficult.

Green Goddess was planning to sell houseplants from their heated greenhouse this winter, offering snow removal and garden mulching for the Fall and colder months. They had already made a yearly wage this summer with their landscaping and looked forward to a rest from the heavier manual labor. They were now officially taking a month off before Rose would start classes. Billy and Alfonso were serving their lawn care-garden care monthly customers and setting things up for the new Living Decor office plants and taking orders. They were the best as usual.

Rose would be a Junior at UNC Chapel Hill (graduates of junior colleges can test out of the first two years). She felt grounded and happy about her future and her love for Carmen.

Carmen had started advertising a "Green Goddess Indoor Living Decor" subsidiary business for Chapel Hill and Raleigh business offices for the winter months. If successful, she could drive Rose to class and work inside local shops, offices and malls; meet for lunch occasionally and ride home with her girlfriend. The new idea looked like it was going to be successful.

She was flooded with requests for their well-known and flawless potted plants. They were both delighted that they could launch their new winter lives together, seasonally, like their green thing - sprouts in the spring and indoor greenery in the winter. But, to Carmen, their newly won prosperity was not as pretty a thought as it should have been. She kept drifting into how Brittany Oliver had a reputation for spoiling things. She tried to keep these feeling from Rose, but she couldn't. Rose could sense this distance even when Carmen was somewhere else. It was a wicked sort of ESP. They were in love, but there was just this one thing.

***

ROSE WALKED INTO THE living room and sat next to Carmen on their couch. She ran tender fingertips down the side of her lover's arm and gave Carmen chills. They embraced as the morning sunlight grew. They touched within the cooling breezes of the coming Autumn. Their contented breathing joined together with each reciprocal movement. It was ecstatic to have time again. No one in the house but the two of them. They breathed in the change of season.

As worried as Carmen was about Rose's sneaky mother, she forgot everything but touching souls in these fathomless moments of forever. Despite that, Carmen's mind was already elsewhere, feeling Rose's exploring fingers, her moist kisses, her surging passion - the sunlight was pulling her away, beginning to beam on her desk piled high with financials - Shep asleep in a corner, twitching in his slumber, running inside his own dreamscape.

Carmen rolled into Rose and let her lips and tongue touch Rose's mouth, open now like the petals of a blossom. Carmen exclaimed, "Damn!" out loud, and lost herself inside a forceful cloud of uprising emotion.

She faced Rose's beaming smile and hugged her close, saying, "I love you so much, Rosie." Funny how the words sort of depressed her despite her desire and Rose's constant insistent kisses. Her lover's face seemed to burst with happiness.

Rose studied the gold flecks in Carmen's sparkling eyes. She knew that only happened when Carm was very aroused, excited or angry. She loved her face and played with her sun-bleached blondish curls, watching her lover's expression change like passing clouds. She breathed in Carmen's familiar lemongrass scent. It was sharp and pungent enough to touch her almost physically.

She thought she would always remember this moment, Carmen's deep touches and the warm smell. This moment seemed so very true. Rose closed her eyes and leaned into Carmen's encircling arms. Her small body fit enticingly on top of Carmen's, lightly enough to make her every move communicate a shiver between the two of them entangled in their need for each other.

Carmen slid her arm around Rose's back, across her naked skin and side. She held her tightly, releasing her and feeling distracted again.

Carmen's distraction was not a question of love. She knew she had to try and push Rose into some form of mature distance from her mother, or they were asking for trouble. Rose needed some distance from her mother's money. It wasn't going to be easy. She swallowed hard, still painting her sense of reality inside a cotton candy cloud of love-making. She just wanted to feel Rose's small curves inside her hips making her groan, her groin still a little sore from their last passionate movements. She wanted to forget ideas, but not this sensitive needed touching.

Rose, as usual, was greedy for more, bringing Carmen almost to tears with another surging mutual movement filled with their greed to never let go. Of course, a big black cloud surrounding mother-dearest appeared in Carmen's dreamy love-soaked mind, numb with the sensations of their caresses. Her worries were not the road her mind wanted to travel right now, or ever.

Shit, she said to herself - forgetting even the time of day in Rosie's arms. Maybe Billy would shoot Brittany for her with his new twelve gauge. She could hear the gunshot inside her dizzy feelings of romance. Bullseye! Slam dunk dead! Carmen snorted a triumphant laugh. Rosie smiled down at her flushed face and flashing eyes, thinking Carmen's laugh was sensual pleasure from her touch.

Not exactly, perhaps pleasure by fire. As much as Carmen did not like guns, she let Billy keep this one at home for security reasons. Hah! Who could they shoot?! Guess!!

Then Rose frowned, noticing a slight look of pain in her lover's flaming green eyes. "Carmen?" she whispered, putting her lips next to Carmen's ear, feeling the soft tracing of her lover's curly tresses dancing on her cheek and breast. She pushed Carmen's legs over and sat up, reaching down and touching one blonde curl, gently twisting it around an inquiring finger as she looked questioningly into her face.

"Carmen?" she asked again, scared to know what it was that was making her feel some sort of wall between them, which she had never felt before. She felt the need for Carmen to touch her intimately. She yearned for Carmen's embrace, stopping the urge with difficulty. With a mirrored look of pain, knowing pretty much what was bothering her lover - but not wanting to hear it in the middle of her lingering lust for Carmen's body.

Carmen's answering silence was sticky. She couldn't speak. She wanted to continue making love. She wanted to hide there. That was her wine. Her soma. Her escape from a reality she did not want to face. With Rose peering into her eyes the way she was, she could not turn away, so she pulled Rose down on her again, rolled on top of her, pulling her skinny jeans all the way off with her underpants, not caring that they were still in the living room, soothing her deeper sense of foreboding with Rose's excitement and inadvertent exclamations of pleasure, begging for more stimulation with the movements of her body.

"Ah, ah, oh god...!" Carmen felt her reciprocal movements and ached inside of herself if she should ever lose this feeling. Carmen and Rose moved together. When the throbbing subsided, Carmen could feel a grey cloud of depression fall over her. She passed her hand over Rose's smooth skin. She relaxed, her legs open, just touching Rose.

Everything was getting confused: their love (new as it was, counting over three months now); the colors in the room, the sunlight, the coming darkness; Rose's exquisite, naked body. Ah! Rose's sweet curves exposed in the morning sun, innocent, breathing slowly under the awakening day - her breath rising and falling in syncopation to Carmen's, seeming to pull in greater and greater light. She was poetry to Carmen's being.

"I know why you are out there somewhere," Rose whispered in Carmen's ear and followed the sensitive inner circles of that organ with her tongue.

Carmen could not be drawn into that potential conflict that easily, even with touch. She sighed.

"Look," said Rose sitting up, looking down at Carmen's slightly startled expression, her eyebrows flying up on her forehead, curls trembling. "Brittany is the only living relative that I know personally. The others are strangers to me. My dad's been gone, chasing tail for most of my life, as you know. If I have half-siblings, I've never met them. I probably do have other siblings somewhere out there in the Universe." There was the ominous, negative ESP again.

Pulling her T-shirt over her head, Carmen watched Rose put her pants on. She bent over and brushed Carmen's flushed cheek with her lips - catching a painful inbreath in her chest.

"Just don't put any stress on my relationship with mother. I have to eat dinner with her tonight. I like her less than you could possibly know - but she always has my back, no matter what.

"It doesn't require much to massage her ego for an evening. I'm getting pretty good at it." Rose went on, still feeling her lover's pain. She backed away from Carmen, looking away from her piercing green eyes.

For some reason, Rose's bravado at "handling" her mother bothered Carmen. Rose's voice had fallen into silence - like she really didn't believe herself. Carmen pulled her shirt and pants on, too. The romance of the last couple of hours had evaporated like it had never been there.

Carmen said simply, "Okay..."

From that one, vaguely mild answer from Carmen, Rose felt a rise of defensiveness and anger. She again felt an unreasoning distance from her lover. Carmen seemed to be attacking the one thing Rose asked her not to interfere with. Yeah, this was a problem. It wasn't something she felt Carmen could understand or even sense her needs. Carmen wasn't used to Rose's Scorpio temper since she had never had to use it on her before. Rose shivered at the thought. Her shivers turned into lust as she turned her back.

She took the stairs up to their room alone and deep in thought. She let her paranoia about her dinner with Brittany smolder on the embers of her recent love-making and ignite the hot coals of what she knew Carmen would feel or say about her going over to her mother's house again.

She didn't care. She had been sneaking over there ever since that fateful, shitty confrontation at the Piney Knoll country club. Carmen had Zachary. He was a good friend to Rose, as well. But it wasn't the same as real family. She needed someone that she had known all her life, too. Britt was hard, emotionally, but she gave love when Rose let her. And, Rose tried to let her.

Might make coming out to her easier. Although, the thought made Rose's heart fill with foreboding and choke her with a claw-like fear. Class wars suck, she knew this more than the average Piney Knoll resident.

She would face one of those full on if she decided to tell her mom about her love for Carmen.

There was a repetitive tone in her ears, like Tinnitus. It hurt, her ears throbbed with an inaudible buzzing noise. Rose stuffed a few things in an overnight bag, not thinking anything. She winced when she added her diary. The bottom dropped out of her stomach as she stuffed her car keys in her pocket. It felt like she had dropped from the 115th floor of a skyscraper to the lobby in two seconds flat. She felt squashed, her heart in her throat, finding it difficult to breath.

She was lost - as if she didn't know what she was doing - and, in a way, she didn't. Heat rose upward and surged throughout her small body, invading her already raw nerves. Thinking that she heard something, she quickly stuffed the small duffle underneath the bed. She felt fragile and dizzy and sat down hastily on the quilted bedspread, burying her face in her hands and sobbing until tears seeped through her fingers, stopping abruptly so Carmen wouldn't see her crying if she walked into the room. Rose didn't want to do this, but she knew she had to. She needed something. It was all so indefinite in her mind. She wasn't thinking of leaving forever, but she needed some time. Time for herself without the guilt Carmen could silently make her feel.

***

IT WAS TIME FOR HER to leave to make it to her mother's place on time. She hesitated for so long, her mother called her cell. She let it go to voicemail. She was late. Very late. At least by an hour. She had sat here for that long, being indecisive. Her motivation was trapped inside the rising tide of her reluctance to move or make some sort of plan. She felt an unwelcome surge of sexual energy. Unsatiated longing.

Love-making with her tender Carmen was not what she needed right now. She didn't want anything to tie her down when she needed to see about letting some things go. Yet, despite the previous appointment at her mother's and the delicate balance of their relationship - it was what she wanted. She thought of the way she buried her face in Carmen's perfect, firm body, her rising reciprocal heat and Carmen's answering touches in antiphon to her own affection.

She tried to ignore the shiver of lust that overcame her logic.

She needed to hurry. She stretched her legs and back, letting herself relax for a moment.

Carmen walked into their room, darkened by nightfall, lit by the sliver of a new, waxing moon. Rose, trying to look invisible, faltered for a moment and reached under the bed for her duffle. She hid the bag by her side in the darkened room.

Not really wanting ... Oh, but she did want. Not her bag, not her mother's dinner - but her lover ... a fire grew in her groin, asking for more.

She knew she could explain her absence to Brittany later.

Carmen sensed Rose's sexual arousal and quickly moved in front of her. She sat down and put her mouth on Rose, sucking through her T-shirt, then raising her shirt until her breasts were exposed. Rose answered Carmen's caresses by slipping her hand in her pants, matching the movement of Carmen's hips with her hand in counterpoint. Rose had long dropped her bag on the floor and kicked it away.

Their mutual movements quickly escalated into a turbulent night of love-making.

The coming dawn gently lay it self upon the entwined and satisfied lovers. All things seemed to have resolved themselves physically in their embraces. Still, Carmen felt whatever excuses Rose needed for Brittany would play against their own relationship.

Neither woman felt Brittany would accept them being lovers. All Rose knew was that couldn't happen, especially right before UNC started up for the fall semester, which was in a few weeks. She had let Brittany pay for her courses and fees already without letting Carmen know. Carmen was surprised that Rose didn't seem to have any interest in seeing if she had gotten any scholarships. It raised her suspicions that Britt was involved.

Carmen and Rose had a few words in the morning about Rose wanting to go see her mother today to make up for missing dinner the night before. Rose finally burst into tears, grabbed the duffle she had packed and ran down the stairs, banging her bag on the bannister. She slammed out the front door and ran sobbing to her car.

When Carmen heard the convertible tear down the drive to the county road in front of their house, she sat up in bed, her back aching. The room swirled around her, thinking of the erotic pleasures of last night and the weirdness of Rose having previously packed a bag.

An entire night of love-making and she runs out crying, thought Carmen entwined inside of the enigma. Only her mother can make her cry like that, she thought again, feeling a small rush of guilt for pushing Rose into that discussion when she knew full well how she felt about playing her mother along.

She felt more guilt at Rose's sensitivity to their love - and the contradiction in her relationship with Brittany. She felt guilt that Rose knew Carmen felt their love for each other should be the basis in resolving Brittany's demands. There were obviously some gaps. Carmen tried to wrap her head around the ecstasy of their love-making compared to the senselessness of this seemingly minor conflict about her and Rose's love relationship. They had money. It wasn't the money.

Rose did not call or come home that evening. Carmen tried calling her cell several times. Billy and Alfonso offered to go over to Ms. Oliver's house that evening and look for her. Carmen declined, she felt that was too volatile a combination for any kind of reconciliation.

Rose! Rose! Where had her Rose gone?! Carmen's mind raced. Rose had gone to Brittany's house, but had left after an apologetic lunch. Britt was so happy and satisfied about seeing her daughter, Carmen could not pursue her questioning about Rose's absence. It had been hours since Rose had left Brittany's. She had not come home.

***

FOR ROSE, ON HER WAY into the mountains surrounding western North Carolina, the implicit argument with Carmen made her seek solitude, whether or not Carmen had said anything about her mother and Rose's problems with her. She needed time to think. Being alone on the highway filled what was left of her heart with a solace only the Carolina wilderness could produce. The forests slowly invaded her confused mind with the scent of pine; a glimpse of some wildlife; a shimmering lake. A small sense of peace invaded her worry.

She couldn't listen to the radio. Every song seemed to be one of Carmen's favorites. She needed her box of old CDs which was underneath her bag on the floor of the back seat. When she stopped for dinner, perhaps.

She couldn't think about Carmen. She craved what she was running from. She knew Carmen must be frantic looking for her. She would call soon.

Rose's mind started to form a sort of plan. She stopped at a diner while she waited for her meal, she took the time to call ahead to a small Cooperative of artists near Asheville that she admired. They had extra room. There were many co-operatives and art communities in that area, nestled in the Blue Ridge valleys and high atop the mountains. She imagined herself drawing and painting full-time...at least until she had to decide about her first semester. Then what? She did not know.

She imagined what Carmen was doing right now. Should she call her?

She decided against it and put her cell away. She needed to get used to her new home and solidify her plans for school, talk to her mother and then...maybe.

***

CARMEN HAD DESPERATELY gone through hers and Rose's things, which were mixed together. She wanted to see what she might have taken when she left. She had also searched for any notes to her. She noticed that Rose had taken her diary. That was not a good sign. She wouldn't need it overnight. Her eyes clouded. She swore. She couldn't cry at every thought. She felt she was tougher than all that. Obviously, she wasn't. Rose had gotten to her like no one else. She was so much more than anyone she had ever met - a business partner, a child, a love, a woman.

"Fuck!" said Carmen loudly, angrily wiping away tears with her fists as she went through another closet. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, calming herself, retracting her feelings like claws.

After all, she thought, grinding her teeth. She has the perfect right to go home to mommy. "Shit!" she exclaimed out loud as she realized that Rose, the neatnik that had to find a hook for everything, had taken the small duffle off the closet wall. Wherever she was heading, she planned on staying for a while. She remembered seeing the small bag in Rose's hand when she left and swore again.

Billy and Alfonso were late and hadn't called. Not a surprise. She suspected that Rose could not tolerate her mother long enough to return there this evening, even overnight. Carmen thought hard, cutting through the mental fog of her emotions. Had Rose ever mentioned somewhere she would like to visit? A cottage that her mother owned? A friend or relative? Carmen knew she was her first lover, so there were no exs - but she did have old friends.

Carmen's thoughts revolved around to 911. She knew she needed to call Lieutenant Jones. There were so many teen runaways from their town, the 'wait-twenty-four-hours' rule on missing person's reports was generally followed unless evidence pointed against it. Small town resources were usually conserved. Rose had money and her own car. She had obviously packed. Billy and Alfonso finally told her that Rose had left Brittany's house and had not returned. They didn't know anything else. It was getting late, too late to check again.

In the morning, then, she thought. So many things need to be answered. Rose could call or even come home.

After searching the house, Carmen realized that Rose had probably left without a note. She had called her cell and texted all evening without a reply. It wasn't the first time that someone she loved had left. Carmen sank into an alcohol-induced haze after drinking an entire six pack and finishing half a fifth of Jack Daniels. Thinking in this dream-like state, she fell asleep on the living room couch. She dreamed that Rose was snuggling into her side, her subconscious discounted this after a while.

One thought brought her to consciousness: The Green Goddess! Aw shit! The company! Her eyes opened. Her mind spun around the room in a mixed-up array of disjunctive thoughts, each word of the sentence flinging itself against a wall. She fell asleep again with her mouth open, face down on the couch pillow, her whole world ground down to a spray of dust. Chaos engulfed her.

At about three am, she opened her eyes and looked around. She did not recognize where she was at first. She grabbed a stray, unfinished (and now very warm) can of beer off the coffee table and chugged the whole thing. Her stomach rumbled and sent forth an immense wave of pain and nausea. Fuck! Her ulcer!

She looked for Rose or any sign of her around the house. She had not returned.

Grunting like a pig, she walked unsteadily to the kitchen and drank too much pink Pepto Bismol - about half the bottle. It worked. The pain stopped. Pushing fate (which was not doing so well, lately) she got one of Rose's Heinekens from the fridge and managed to down it without pain. Shepard came over and nuzzled her knee.

"Oh, my Shep!" said Carmen, gathering the dog in her arms and dosing him with sobs, soaking his thick fur with her tears. The dog let her cry and even moved closer into her arms. Billy and Alfonso walked in, drunk, after the bar which was after checking for Rose at Brittany's. Leave it to them not to come straight home or call that they were going somewhere.

They saw Carmen sway dramatically from side to side in her chair, suddenly grabbing her stomach and moaning while tears ran down her face. She had never cried over a girl before, she simply mused when there was a conflict. She was an inner-looking person - not outer. It just didn't work this time. A stab of pain in her stomach ripped through her body like a bullet. She passed out and fell towards the floor.

***

BILL AND ALFIE TOOK turns putting a cold, wet cloth on Carmen's face and passing ammonia under her nose. Her head and neck were laying limply on Billy's arm. She had knocked herself out cold a second time on part of a kitchen chair. Billy had just been able to catch her before she hit the ceramic tiled floor. She had been out for a good ten minutes.

The sharp-edged scent of the ammonia made Carmen's muscle tone start to gather itself together and consciousness began to seep into her prone body a little at a time. She came to, groggy and disoriented, Billy peering into her blank eyes and lost expression.

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# Chapter Fourteen: The Red Rose of the Blue Ridge

Rose checked into a motel that night after driving towards Asheville and the Pisgah-Cherokee range of the Appalachians for a few hours. She was not into driving anymore that day. She could start climbing the foothills in the Blue Ridge around Asheville the next day. That was strenuous enough, negotiating all the back roads she would need to drive, finding a Co-op right between two national forests: the Pisgah and the Cherokee, not certain of exactly where she was going, except that it would be vertical.

She had called Billy's cell as soon as she was settled in her motel room. He would convey her well-being and message to Carmen. She didn't want him to tell her about the call, but she didn't want to torture Carmen about her absence. She just couldn't maintain her resolve if she spoke to her. It hurt, but she had to sort things out for herself.

She was just so indefinite about everything. Her thoughts had to gather into something more logical. That's why she was going where she was going. The next day, after a few hours of searching for the Co-op, she pulled up in front of a gray Victorian with an extensive vegetable garden.

Rose settled in her new room at the Blue Ridge Arts Collective very quietly. She could not keep her mind off her diary. As soon as she was unpacked, she stretched across her bed, looked out the magnificent window in her room into a huge maple outside. She wrote, "A love like no other..." and went on writing about Carmen. She really did not think she would spend too much time here. She loved the place but missed her home in Piney Knoll already. She really did not know why she felt that some time alone would resolve Carmen's feelings about her mother. It was far more likely that it might resolve her feelings about her mother.

She had paid her hosts for a "retreat" room. The rent included vegetarian meals (which she figured she could tolerate). Retreats required some voluntary cooking, cleaning and (Rose opted out of this) some gardening.

For her time there, the Co-op supplied drawing materials - acrylic paints and canvases could be bought at cost. Of course, she got busy drawing the old, magnificent maple outside her window. Her feelings were gathering and forming a set of new configurations. Drawing helped her think.

She felt in her bag for her unopened mail. She noticed a letter from UNC and tore it open. Excitement coursed through her when she saw that she had won a complete scholarship for her next two years. She knew her mother would let up on her insistence to pay for everything. Rose could save her money as well. Her mother could get a refund for her early payments. No explanations necessary.

Rose's misplaced anger at Carmen came full circle back around to Brittany. She knew Carmen was right to ask her to be more mature about their love relationship. She had no intention of coming out to her mother, but she now had a way to push her further away. The scholarship would be a wonderful weapon of independence.

Rose called Billy's cell again and let him know what was happening. She needed a little more time. Billy was giddy over the call and could not help gushing over her scholarship and the fact that she thought she could work things out and would probably come back to Piney Knoll. She made him swear he wouldn't tell Carmen anything more than she was all right and would be in touch with her.

He understood the seriousness of her distancing Brittany.

Despite the happiness implicit in the call, Billy heard how indefinite and unsure Rose was about everything. He just said, "A love like yours and Carmen's might not come around again, Sweetie. Be careful."

Rose assured him that she was trying to do just that. Her voice caught on the good-bye and she hurriedly clicked off. The call to Billy made Rose twice as depressed as she was before. It made her recall how much she had wanted to touch Carmen even before she knew what her name was. She remembered how she would find any excuse to go to Jiffy's Seven-Eleven just to see and speak to her. She would look in through their window and admire Carmen's lithe body and beautiful blonde-auburn curls. She moved like a lioness.

What had she done? she thought, running through all the options she had in her mind. Option one: return to Carmen with nothing resolved. Answer: no way. A black cloud encompassed her heart.

One thing, though, she had in the bag. That scholarship to UNC. She totally decided to tell her mother that she did not need her help with school any more. That distance might cause real problems, but she felt steely about it.

She called Brittany and told her. What she expected, happened. Brittany exploded with rage, rather than congratulate her on winning the scholarship. She said to Rose, "I suppose you think this means you do not have to see me anymore."

Hah, thought Rose, Yeah ... I think so. She answered her mother, "I think that is a good idea. At least for now. I need to stand on my own." Her mother protested, vehemently. She answered, "Mother, I am almost 23 years old. I need to have you treat me like an adult." With some time spent on this volatile argument, the two clicked off, with Rose easing up on her insistent stance, just to take a breath. She needed to be strong. Strong for Carmen, since she knew Carmen wanted this split with her mother.

Rose drew and painted for days at a time, collecting quite a number of excellent works. Every day she would go out and climb into the foothills of the Blue Ridge, bringing her lunch with her to some new amazing place in the mountains.

***

CARMEN SPENT HER FIRST night alone in a local hospital emergency room. They released her in the morning with medication and strict instructions not to drink any alcohol. She quickly broke this promise as soon as she got home. Drunk again, she popped her anti-nausea pills and her antibiotics. This painful cycle continued for the next sad week, everything except the emergency room. The pills worked well enough to avoid that but put Carmen in bed frequently.

Looking obsessively through their closets the next few days for clues to Rose's whereabouts, she found the old jelly jar savings bank for her escape to New York City. She hugged the jar and sat on the floor, sobbing. Her stomach spiked in a spate of revolt. Fuck, she didn't care and just stretched out on the floor and fell asleep, sweating in a patch of hot Autumn sun. Not comfortable, but the sleep and unconsciousness were welcome.

***

THE MOUNTAINS... THE mountains filled every breath Rose took with beauty. Yellow and blue wildflowers spread around her in a heavenly way. They gave her the peace that she craved. This was the first time she had felt happy since leaving Carmen. She started picking a bouquet before she became aware that she had no one to give it to. She threw the flowers on the ground. A tear rolled down her cheek. Independence was not supposed to be this hard.

The soft grasses, flowers, maple and white birch were filled with colorful southern finches chirping among themselves, jumping in flurries of color from tree to tree - red, yellow, black, white, blue. She heard the ragged cry of a large blue jay cutting through all the other sounds. She smiled to herself ruefully. It all just reminded her of home. Piney Knoll was not on a mountain; it was not Paris; she spent her time drawing elaborate garden plans, not trees, flowers or birds - but there was Carmen. There was that.

She hated hurting Carmen, but she had to resolve the tensions between them over her mother. And, she had to do this herself.

There was still her aching love for Carmen abiding inside her heart. Her room was due soon. She would have to make a decision. The Co-op members let her know that they were impressed with her drawing and that she could stay on if she wanted to. They owned an art gallery in Chapel Hill where she could sell her work. The Co-op board offered her membership and a reduced monthly rent. They felt it was OK to go to classes at UNC and paint part-time. Rose was attracted to the offer. The place was opulent and spacious. It was good.

But, not good enough.

Tomorrow. She looked at the flowers she had scattered around her on the grass. A doe paused between the trees to raise its head and gaze at her. She looked directly into Rose's eyes, unafraid. Rose moved, and the deer back bolted back into the forest, disappearing from her life...very possibly forever.

Forever...

Rose relied on that word to be an addition to her life, not something foreboding, or something she might lose.

She knew she had the power to make her love for Carmen last that long. She felt weak. She looked again, expecting to see the deer reappear. It did not. The sun shifted noticeably downward, moving slightly behind the tree line.

Rose turned away, following an old, rutted, overgrown path back to the Co-op.

She studied her face in a cup of hot herbal tea that evening after dinner, remaining at the table alone. For a brief moment - the flick of an eyelash - she saw the fleeting image of the deer, who again paused, locked eyes with her and disappeared.

She got up from the table, leaving the remainder of her tea. She fed the Co-op cats, took out the trash and recycling. She shucked peas before bed (her Co-op labor). All in all, she loved this place. She didn't mind all the work. She loved North Carolina - to her it was over-the-top more beautiful than her old home in Paris.

She went up to her room bone-tired. A quiet rain began to splatter on her window. The huge maple wavered in the breeze. She fell across the bed, kicked her shoes off and fell asleep with her clothes on. The largest Co-op cat, Tater, who was brown-faced and brown and tan striped curled up next to her. He had taken an immediate liking to Rose and tended to follow her around the house...and, obviously, chose to sleep with her too.

Rose opened her eyes to the sunlight pouring into the room early the next morning. She turned over to see Tater's face on the pillow next to her, instead of Carmen's sun-reddened, burnished cheeks and naturally bleached curls. Well, he was pretty enough. She laughed even though her heart sank into a cold well of separation.

Saying, "You, Tater, you..." she pushed the cat off the bed with a grunt. That was one big cat! She arose, made the bed and straightened up. The willful Tater jumped right back on the bed again and fought with her over his favorite place on the bedspread. He found the spot of light that woke Rose earlier and basked in it, purring loudly.

Rose renewed her room for another week, painting and sketching her way through the next seven days. Tater was her constant companion. She began to look for him when she needed comfort.

***

WHEN ROSE SHOWERED, she could not get her mind off Carmen. Her body naked next to her. She had not called for the last week. She needed to call her mother first. It weighed like an iron brick on her mind. Today, she finished bathing with this thought, quickly put on fresh clothes and looked around her room with her hands on her hips.

She sat down, took a deep breath, said a little prayer ... swore profanely and dialed her mother's cell.

Brittany answered, "What?! Rose?! Those gay boys came over to my house looking for you. Why do they look so feminine? So much like girls in cowboy outfits? I mean the makeup and earrings! Really! It seems the older lady they live with wants to get in touch with you and doesn't know where you are. I think she sent them over.

"You didn't tell me anything, Rose! They said you took off with a suitcase. Where are you?! Don't lie this time!"

Faced with this ballistic outburst, Rose became angrier with her mother than she had ever been before. She rejoined with, "Well, fucking shit, Britt!"

Her mother yelled into the cell, "Don't you dare disrespect me, Rose! After all I've done for you!"

Rose remembered the times she had to crawl in and out of windows to avoid her mother's snooping and domineering wrath. She decided then and there that she was not going to lose Carmen for this mess. Her mother would be there, she was sure, no matter what. She was not about to abandon her only child. That would be too much of a power challenge for her to ignore or let go of. She would pull at her like a dog on a tug of war, yanking her around by the teeth like she usually did.

Too bad, she thought. She continued, "Well, mom, I got a full scholarship for UNC for the fall. They will be refunding your money next week. I already made arrangements for that. I don't need anything from you.

"Take that back, I need my independence."

Rose heard a gasp from the phone. "We'll see about that!" her mother croaked out at her in a weird tone of voice.

Rose bore down on her and continued tersely, "I don't want you to call me anymore. I will call you when I need to."

"B...b...but..." stammered Britt. For a rare moment, her mother seemed at a loss.

Rose took advantage of her hesitation and let her know what their new boundaries would be like.

Britt agreed with a choking voice and answered, "Oh, Rose, don't forget me. I'll always be here for you. If you need anything - anything at all - call, for god's sake, call me..." Her mother's voice cracked and faded. She surfaced, as if for air, and said in a hollow whisper, "I love you, Rose. Bye, then, for now..."

Rose clicked off without answering, her palms sweaty. The phone slipped out of her hand and landed on the bed scaring Tater, who meowed in protest and leaped back against the headboard, curling up again right behind her pillow, looking defensive.

Rose gathered the over-sized brown tabby into her arms, smiling in triumph over the submissive way her mother accepted their new distance from each other. She never thought she could stand up to her powerful, successful mother. But she had done it!

"Success!" she slurred heroically into the cat's thick fur. Tater purred and shoved his paw at her neck. She put the cat down, sneezed and set about packing her duffle, deciding the time was right to leave the Co-op and go home.

***

CARMEN SAT UP IN BED and mused to herself silently: It's been a crazy ride, that's for sure. She rubbed her face and continued: Rose and I built so much together.

It is tough coming of age as a lesbian. When Billy told me that Rose was ok, but sounded like she needed some time, my thoughts centered on any solution I could conjure.

Carmen said out loud, "Shit, I hope she comes home soon..."

She reached over Shep to her night stand and grabbed a Tums. She needed to end her dark weeks of pain. Tums never did that much but they seemed to supplement the antibiotic for her ulcer. Popping Tums was sort of vital right now in terms of comfort. "Fuck," she said to herself looking at the empty bottle, "only one left."

She did not want to waste another night in the ER. She wanted to be whole when Rose got home. She wanted to make love not roll around in the bed in pain, hugging her stomach like she had done the entire time Rose had been gone.

When Rose...came home...

She was sure Billy's message had contained a clear sense of hope for that. She tried not to count on it. Or anything right now. She lit her bong. Marijuana helped her emotionally. It eased her symptoms. She inhaled deeply...held it...watching the setting sun travel around the room.

She spent another less painful night alone. She had questioned Billy repeatedly about the call Rose had made a week ago. They had called that number from three different phones - not that Rose didn't know all those numbers. She did not answer. She obviously didn't want to talk.

Maybe later... Carmen had thought. This week, she had poured on her resolve and refused to drink any more alcohol, damaging Billy's usually profound (in quantity and quality) stash of weed. It helped her sleep comfortably. She had no idea when Rose would return, but she wanted to stay sober. Shepard seemed to know that she was upset and didn't even push against her as she slept, otherwise keeping a low profile mixed with some deferential obedience.

***

ROSE CHECKED INTO THE same motel for her overnight after driving from the Co-op part of the way down the mountain. Tater was with her in a soft shoulder carrier. He was a very sedate and demur cat and had been generously gifted to Rose as a good will offering from the Co-op (which could rescue another kitten if they gave the older cat away to this talented painter. They had his portrait and numerous sketches done by Rose portraying the pretty cat.) Group hug and she was gone with some promises to return.

Tucked in and ready to sleep after the long drive, Rose could not get her mind off her horse. The one she had left with her mother. She wanted it back. Shit, she thought, not the best way to come home - ass-backwards talking about getting the horse from my mother. Tater's a peace-offering. Carm will love him. We'll be good with that. Maybe Carmen doesn't need to know about Holly until we get there. She'll love my horse too.

She had no doubts that Carmen would be glad to see her back. She imagined having baked potatoes in Tater's honor. She smoothed his thick, short fur. He purred loudly, like a scooter engine.

No more calls from Britt...financial independence. I can prove I am a big girl now! Don't think Carmen will mind if I bring my horse over. She laughed to herself and thought, I come home with a horse and a giant brown tabby named after a potato - Shit! I've got it! Cats and horses. Carm's favorite things outside of dogs, sex, rabbits, birds and plants! Ha!

If she could get her horse without Carmen's help, she would. Anything to do with Brittany could set them back. Rose did not want any friction when she got home.

***

SHE DIALED BRITTANY with an inner strength she did not know she had. She laughed to herself when she remembered that Carmen would call her 'sweet and salty'. She guessed Carmen saw her strengths even when she didn't. The sweet part she wasn't sure of right now. She tensed, ready to let loose with some salt.

Brittany answered her cell with, "Yeah, Rose. What do you want? I'm busy. I have to dress for a business meeting. I thought we agreed not to talk." No hello, no nice greeting, just red-hot Britt.

Rose gritted her teeth and replied, "Sorry mom. I'll be quick. I said I would call you, not the other way around. This is important. I need..."

Brittany rudely interrupted her daughter, "Oh...now it's important to talk to me. Not to wait until I have time..."

Rose responded, raising her voice and pushing right back, "I need my horse. I'm going to pick up Holly and bring her to my home. Just wanted to let you know."

There was a vacant silence from Brittany's side. Then, Rose heard sobs. Her mother commented in a sad, raspy voice, "Holly is all I have left of you. You want to bring her home? This is your home!"

Rose lost it but controlled her voice. She responded, "No, mother. I am still your daughter, but I have a business and home of my own, now. Calm down, I'll be over later to get my horse. Bye..." She clicked off before her mother had a chance to respond.

Rose smiled to herself, feeling good about being up on her mother. She kissed Tater on the nose. He hooked his large claws into her pajamas in a universally painful sign of animal reciprocity.

"Ow!" exclaimed Rose, falling back on her pillow, unhooking his claws and pushing the cat over to his side of the bed. She turned on the television and smoked an entire gift joint from the Art Co-op.

Halfway there, whoa-oh...livin' on a prayer, Rose sang to herself quietly as she closed her eyes. She fell asleep peacefully with the news on. Tomorrow...

***

A BLAST OF ELECTRICITY split the indigo sky into a jigsaw of broken pieces. Carmen shivered as a crashing rain rushed through the booming noise shattering against her home. Shepard yipped and ran under a couch.

Carmen hurried around the house shutting windows. Billy and Alfonso were gone partying for the evening. She was alone. Just her and the dog. She turned the TV news on, as loud as she could to cover the noise of the heavy weather outside. Funny, she was just not in the mood for another hurricane. What does that mean in terms of her real position in the Universe? Not in the mood for the weather? She popped a Tums in denial of the natural world and found the weather channel on the remote.

Despite her concerns about the heavy rain, she drifted gently off to sleep, buried in the soft comfort of one of her couches, Shep breathing heavily underneath the coffee table. She let the remote fall from her fingers to the floor, feeling better than she had in a week.

Shep woke her around one am whimpering and nudging her dangling hand. She groaned, fed him (it is always a food thing with a dog), let him outside for a short while and trudged upstairs to her bed. She called Rose's cell. As usual, there was no answer, just voicemail. At least, she had not thrown her phone away and kept her voicemail on, not blocking her number. Carmen didn't think she would do all that anyway.

She left Rose a message in an unsure, weak voice: "Hi, Baby. Come home soon. I love you."

Not real original, but that was all Carmen was at that moment. The rain hammered continuously on her metal roof, pelleting the windows as if it was trying to get inside. The wind snapped a branch nearby, startling Carmen out of her muddy funk. Shepard flattened himself under the bed, knowing the underside of most of Carmen's furniture by heart - due to his residing there throughout their seasons of turbulent weather together. There had been plenty of that. This weather was slightly milder than anything that would turn more ferocious.

Not strong of heart, Shep could stand up to a mean horse or intruder, but thunder was one stop past his tolerance of the unknown. He crumbled and ran from the noise, looking for anything big enough to crawl under. Carmen shivered and knew she needed to go to the storm shelter. To hide underground.

She was asleep again, sprawled across her bed, before she could think past that. The earth closed in on her anyway as she reached subconsciousness. She forgot she was still on her bed in her own home. She dreamt she was under the earth, with the pungent fragrance of soil growing deep in her imaginary olfactory perception.

Even a few more walloping explosive blasts of thunder couldn't make her move from her sleep.

***

ROSE WOKE LATE IN THE motel, stretching her arms towards the sun in an embrace of the light above her head, feeling the warmth invade her skin. She hugged herself. Tater yawned and pushed on her shoulder with a loud purr. She said some nonsense to the cat in the baby language he loved. Smart cat with a babyish side. He bumped her chin with his head. She got up and ran the shower.

"Okay, Tater, you're next." Rose got out of bed, filled his bowl with kibble and her own with maple granola, turning on the news. Hungry after no dinner the night before, Rose sat down and ate some cereal until the motel room filled with steam. Putting the bowl down, she got into an exquisitely hot shower. The tingling water relaxed her shoulders. She heard the anchor from the Blue Ridge Channel 8 News desk in the next room. There was a report about the weather in Nash County. That was Piney Knoll. Thank god they were nowhere near the Tar river which was flooding again.

She let the piercing water soak her face in its intensity for a minute until she could be sure of what she heard.

The TV repeated the severe weather report again, she grabbed a towel and dried off quickly, worried. It wasn't a hurricane, but it was getting close. And, it seemed to be approaching Piney Knoll after flooding Rocky Mount.

The area she had been driving yesterday was set inside the Blue Ridge near the Pisgah and Cherokee National Forests, slow-ass country roads if you want to save your car's rods, way too fast if you like beer and hitting frequent potholes. Rose got no rush from that. It took longer, but her car would not need repair when she got... She hesitated, then the word "home" came to mind automatically.

The storm threw itself at the base of the mountains. The dirt roads were easier to manage than this torrent. There was no protection from the erratic winds on the highway. The highway was a wind tunnel with no trees to stop the raging whip of a storm uncurling its viper-like power. Rose had hidden in her motel room last night, curled up with her diary and the cat, glad to be inside. Maybe it would be over as quickly as it stirred up. It had happened before.

The area she had been in yesterday was set inside the mountains and tended to be sheltered from high winds and the cloying fingers of Carolina humidity. There was no comparison in weather patterns approaching the base on the open highway. And, she would be approaching that area very soon.

The TV repeated the severe weather report again as Rose tugged on her Levi's and T, smoked her last weed, packed the cat, stuffing the rest of her things in the duffle. She left the motel, facing a long drive to the Knoll, basically the same as yesterday, but heading directly into the storm once she got to the highway.

She hefted Tater's shoulder carrier onto her back with a grunt. Rose commented to the plastic mesh with the brown tabby's face pressed against it, "Shoot, Tater. You need to be smaller." She unlocked the car and opened the back door and continued, "I understand that can't happen." The cat mewed in logical assent.

Tater was not overweight, just big. He was a good 30 to 35 pounds or so and hadn't finished growing. She loved him the minute she saw him, such a pretty brown face with shocking jade eyes. He was a good cat, obedient, clean and quiet. He didn't chew or jump on tables or counters. He required one clear window sill in whatever room he had followed someone into. Not a lot to ask. He seemed to have to command a view.

Rose put both him and her duffle into the back seat. It was early afternoon before Rose hit the road again. She would not be home before late evening.

|  |

---|---|---

# Chapter Fifteen: Closer and Closer

Carmen was lucky. The heavy rain had stopped, at least for now, leaving a bright scent from the pooling fresh water. She awoke with a smile. No real reason, perhaps an intuition. She just felt happier. Her stomach had healed overnight. It did that. The ulcer was from her difficult childhood, so she was used to its vagaries of pain and healing. Just as this painlessness gave her a wave of relaxation and she leaned back on her pillow again to take a big breath of relief, a hollow staccato noise made her nose wrinkle with recognition.

The scent of warm, moist earth combined with a raw horse smell poked at her from time to time with each intermittent breeze flowing through her windows. She snorted and got up, hurrying to a front window.

It was Brittany Oliver unloading a brilliant tan Palomino with a blonde mane. Regardless of how pretty the horse was, the intrusion of Brittany in a matching brown and tan riding outfit almost made Carmen scream out from her second-floor window. Shepard barked and cut this feeling off.

She yanked on her clothes and ran downstairs, putting on her muck boots at the kitchen door. She whistled at Shep and made a dash outside barely behind the excited dog. She ran into her garden in time to see Britt ride by on that sweet Palomino mare. On Carmen's property!

No! she said to herself. Oh, fucking no you don't, you sick bitch! She put both hands to her mouth and let her cow-calling shriek of a whistle hit Britt smack in the middle of her back, swaying on the horse.

Brittany stopped immediately. She turned the horse around to face Carmen's ripe, angry presence. Carmen, with her hands on her hips, called out something lost in the distance between them. It was obvious that Brittany was headed towards her barn and stables.

Carmen broke into a jog and ran down the grassy path to her barn. Leave it to Britt to not talk to her first. Carmen turned her cell phone on and called 911. She spoke to Lt. Jones who said quickly, "Give me ten minutes."

***

BRITTANY PUT THE HORSE in a clean stall and turned to face Carmen and her bristling guard dog. "What's all this?!" exploded Carmen, pointing to the very sedate and somewhat elegant mare, who didn't seem to warrant any objections just standing there comfortably in her stable.

"A horse," replied Brittany in an off-hand way.

"Fuck, yeah, I know..."

Britt barely skipped a beat and only sniffed at Carmen's anger. She continued, "Her name is Holly. She belongs to..."

"Rose! I knew it!" Carmen interrupted with anger and bewilderment - feeling suspended between too many emotions.

"Well," said Britt, lamely. "She lives here." As if that was enough of an explanation for her to break the Restraining Order Carmen had put on Britt when Rose left. For her, Carmen guessed, it was.

Carmen felt vomit rise in her throat. Her ulcer raised its ugly head and hit her like she was the target on a shooting range. She thought, with nausea, I have to ask Brittany what Rose was planning? She thought again, Piss! Shit! Brittany brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face as she stroked the sides of the quiet horse in the middle of this argument.

A patrol car barreled down the ruts of the grassy "road" to the barn. Gravel spit from the back tires as the police woman braked her sedan. She let a whoop out of her siren and flashed her Mars lights in a dramatic display of her power. A raging Margarita Jones, in full uniform, approached Brittany who stepped away from the horse and shut the stall gate behind her.

"What the hell are you doing, Ms. Oliver? Come with me. You have broken the Restraining Order placed on you. You cannot just decide to come here. For any reason!" Britt was roughly put into cuffs and rudely shoved into the back seat of Lt. Jones' police sedan.

Carmen smiled. She then admired the stature of the new horse, still sedately ignoring the argument and munching her grain mix. Shepard got underneath the belly of the mare in a sign of acceptance and friendship. Carmen had given up worrying about this habit of her dog. He had done this since he was an older puppy gaining plenty of practice avoiding hooves.

Well! There they were - one big, happy family! Getting bigger...but... Holly nudged Carmen's arm, begging for attention. She reached over and smoothed the horse's forehead. She was a very gentle beast, intent on her own business. Billy's Maizie, though, would have a hard time with this. She was very competitive and dominant. They would have to keep them apart for a while until they accepted each other. Good thing she was at Wickham's having her hooves trimmed.

Carmen lost herself in a pastel thought of her missing lover. She snapped herself out of this vague funk. Thinking more deeply, leaning against the rough-hewn surface of a large, square wooden post, she figured maybe this was Rose's usual messy way of signaling her that she was thinking of coming home.

Britt had broken a Restraining Order, which could get her a short, local jail sentence and a significant fine. Served her right. She had a way of doing only what was convenient to her - forgetting about anyone else. About time she got caught at it. The thought of Brittany Oliver in her Gucci riding outfit locked in a cage at the Piney Knoll Police Station gave Carm a chuckle. Holly stamped her hoof and pushed into her with her nose.

Carmen had taken an immediate liking to the horse, regardless of how she had gotten there. Shepard moved out of the way and Carmen picked up a body brush and brushed the tan sides of the mare. The warmth and friendly personality of the horse soothed every ragged feeling swirling in circles around Carmen's head. She needed that.

***

ROSE WATCHED AS PATCHES of shockingly blue cornflowers on the sides of the mountains she passed her car as she continued down the last of the Blue Ridge roads to the highway into Chapel Hill, Raleigh and home to the Carolina coast. These roads took hours to drive since they wound in tight circles down the sides of the mountains and barely gave enough room for traffic traveling in the opposite direction. They were also poorly maintained and filled with potholes and large rocks. She didn't have the experience to race down these passages like the risky locals did, so she just drove carefully and let others pass her.

Flowering Dogwood brushed the sides of the Mustang when she pulled off the road for a break to eat something or pee. The weather in the mountains was clear and calm. But, later, in the early evening as Rose approached the interconnective highway, the sky darkened more deeply than it usually would at this time of day with the sun going down.

When she stopped for dinner, she looked up at the blank, starless sky and put the top to her convertible up.

The rain broke open again like this morning while she ate. The waitress said in a thick, syrupy Carolina accent, "Y'all better check in for the night. Looks bad out there. Radio predicts hah winds."

Rose thanked her for the information as she watched a metal trash can roll loudly past the diner window, bouncing wickedly across the asphalt parking lot. Trees bent together in a natural synergy as the wind struck against them. Weak branches cracked like rifle shots and flew upwards before crashing onto the road.

The booming echo of thunder made Rose startle. She got up, worried, and dropped change onto the table with a couple of bills, shaking as she gazed apprehensively at the unsettling flashes of dark and light rattling across the large, loose restaurant window as if it was some rickety television. She was scared but wanted to get home. She felt she could beat the weather and was willing to give it a try. There was a hurricane watch, but nothing that wouldn't go away. Hopefully.

She rashly decided not to stop here and check into the motel due to the heavy weather. The wind howled mercilessly as Rose's jaw tightened in resolve. She drove headlong into the dime-sized hail and driving rain that pummeled her forward journey.

***

DESPITE CARMEN'S ULCER giving her grief earlier, her experience with Holly seemed to calm her and give her stomach some relief. Damn! That is a nice horse, thought Carmen. To be on the safe side, Carm decided to drive to Jiffy's new, rebuilt store and gas station to buy more Tums. She just didn't want to be sick tonight. Or any night for that matter. Her forehead reflected her apprehension at the gathering clouds overhead. She had always felt that a starless sky indicated bad weather. No moon, either. It was as starless as slate.

She had turned the generator on in the storm shelter and freshened the living area with the fan. She put Shepard inside the shelter and went to her truck. Bill and Alfonso would be sleeping in the shelter, probably, if they even came home tonight. She planned on doing the same.

Her truck started with a quiet roar and she drove down her drive. She hit a downed tree on the end of the driveway. She hopped out into the now driving rain and pushed the small log out of the way with her foot. No damage to her precious, new truck. Carmen looked up. The sky seemed as if it was closing in around her like a blinding blanket of sightless obsidian. No moon, no distant lights, not even a gasp of a breeze. She shivered even though it was not chilly.

Fear rose in Carmen's throat. The loud protest of some bird broke the dark stillness like a sudden tear in the descending shroud of lightlessness. Like a portent. An inadvertent laugh escaped from her belly at the incongruous ragged call of the bird. Broken branches swooped past her in the rising wind. Loose leaves plastered her windshield. She ducked and hoped none of the flying branches would hit her truck, as if a scratch in the finish would be worse than getting conked on the head.

"Shit!" she swore and got back into her Silverado. She crept out towards the highway trying to see any more obstructions in the county road ahead. The highway had lights. Her frontage road did not. The truck had an additional set of fog lights, but she had not learned to use them yet. She wished she had taken Shepard but risking an accident in this foul weather with him along wasn't worth it.

The weather started to clear a little as she drove the highway. The hail turned to rain again. The sky lightened. Carmen breathed out heavily. She felt almost mystical with the sudden change. There were light pastel blue streaks in the higher parts of the formerly blank darkness now. The rain let up after a few minutes. She turned her wipers off.

Just as soon as Carmen let out a spontaneous prayer of thanks, the sky darkened ahead of her and a raucous wind spewed a volley of hail at her and then passed by like a ghost. She thought she should save her relief for later.

Catching the lights from Jiffy's, she slowed her truck and exited the highway.

***

TATER STARTED TO HOWL mournfully protesting his confinement in the animal carrier, forcing Rose to pullover in the wet hail and rain. He had been out on his leash at the diner and had done his business like the doggie-trained cat he was. But now, his dislike of the thunderous noises got the best of his nerves.

Rose pulled over and took him out of the shoulder carrier, putting him into the front passenger seat, which he curled comfortably into, oblivious to the hail and the banging of the thunder. He licked his wet fur and feet and closed his wide eyes to the clattering ring of the hail, purring trust in Rose.

When Rose dove quickly into the driver's side and slammed the door against the buffeting ice, Tater half-opened his demur, credulous, emerald eyes, stretched out a brown arm and placed his paw on Rose's thigh.

"Okay, Buddy," said Rose patting the now quieted cat. He took his arm back. Rose put the radio on. She could stand the romantic songs now that she was on her way back to Carmen. Carmen was on her horizon, way past the storms and problems, looking down at her from some aerial vantage like a vision in this melee. It was as if Carmen's spirit had entered the cat. She saw her face when Tater would flash his jade eyes at her. The horizon seemed to get brighter as she got closer to Piney Knoll.

Hmm... she thought, looking at the mound of fuzzy brown and tan velvet purring intermittently beside her. Magic cat...makes the bad weather go away... Lightening split the murkiness around her for a sparse, brilliant second or two. The cat did not move or hide. He had real guts - way beyond what anyone would expect.

Rose laughed at the heavy weather - not caring. She headed directly into the storm and turned the music up to cover the noise of the thunder. She thought, At least Carmen has fogs on her Silverado. She paused, pushing her car as fast as the blinding downpour would permit, which wasn't very fast. She couldn't see. Hope she isn't out in this, she mused. She figured Carm would not usually go out in weather like this, she usually preferred to hide inside her storm shelter.

She reached into the empty ashtray and retrieved her metal pipe with the cap. Her emergency weed stash. Rain and stress made Rose want smoke. She lit up and drove headlong into an opposing wind, guiding the steering wheel with one hand and smoking with the other. She inhaled too much and started coughing and gagging. She took a breath.

Only an hour's driving time, she noted, trying to read the smeary road signs through the foggy lens of her rain-obscured windshield. Looked like she was right.

"Almost home, Baby," she said to the cat. As she got closer to home in the next couple of miscalculated hours of careful driving, the hail became sporadic, then turned to a medium-rushing rain, no thunder. Rose relaxed and felt hunger for the first time since this morning. She was ravenous. That bowl of granola just didn't make it past six pm. No way. Her starchy dinner of canned vegetables and some kind of burger didn't make it either. She could use a soft drink and some chips, maybe more.

Finally, she recognized where she was and turned off the highway at Jiffy's exit. She imagined one of their subs with everything on it. And a quart of milk. Her stomach growled making the cat look at her with a question. He closed his eyes and turned his Maserati engine on, revving a huge attention-getting purr.

Jiff's rebuild after the last hurricane had added new service bays and other things like a book rack, expanded video rentals, a place to sit and eat next to his pizza-subs counter, etc. Rose pulled in. The parking lot was freshly black-topped and much bigger than the original. She parked next to a semi. Tater arched his back in a stretch.

She said, "No. You stay here, Baby. I'll walk you when I get back." This was the first time Rose had seen the new place with all the additions. Very nice for neon and a false spring motif, she thought. The façade of the store was a repetition of the colors on his two new gas islands - green and yellow plastic and neon with his name and products in faux handwriting - video rentals, gas, food, groceries, repair. There was even a red Grand Opening banner garishly proclaiming the birthday of Jiff's completed rebuild.

Rose was so hungry, she barely felt the familiar rush of air-conditioning as she opened Jiff's swinging glass door. It was like stepping into a refrigerator with the scent of the artificial cold grabbing her attention. It smelled like frozen foods. She felt this, rather than seeing anything new.

Her mind shouted, Food! Food! Her feet led her blindly to the Deli counter. She ordered.

The front door to the store opened, letting someone in with the sound of a bell. Rose had left her glasses in the car. She squinted at the back of the newcomer disappearing into an aisle as an instinctive reaction to the sound of the ding.

Carmen has a jacket just like that, she thought without much attention, salivating at the luscious, fresh chopped veggies and mayo being loaded into her sub. She sat down at the new cafe table and waited for her order with her back to the rest of the store.

***

CARMEN RUBBED HER ARMS as she entered the store. As the storm subsided, a cold front had moved in. Carm looked at the colorful video rental display, dreaming of Tums. It wasn't as if she could get her mind off her stomach even now. The medicine shelves were incongruously placed next to the movie snacks. Not incongruous to her at all. No one wants an untreated stomach ulcer on movie night. Sounded like hell.

She located the Tums and got three bottles of tablets and a Milk of Magnesia. No chances taken here. Then Carmen noticed the brand-new fresh flower display at the end of the aisle. She picked out a dozen red roses (on sale) on a whim.

A huge explosion rocked the inside of the store. Her first thought was a near-miss lightning strike. Second, and more accurate, was a rifle shot. She dropped the roses in shock. They scattered over the highly polished floor in some useless, lost gesture of ruined affection. Carmen did not feel the unconscious rush of her usual melancholy memories of Rose. She couldn't feel anything but panic, especially when the first shot was followed by a few others and things started falling off broken shelves.

Carmen dropped to the floor still holding two bottles of her precious Tums. The other bottle and the Milk of Magnesia went bouncing down the aisle.

She noticed a familiar set of sneakers and purple skinny jeans on another prone customer laying in the next aisle over. The clothing appeared underneath shelves of quick dinners, falling over her in an avalanche of boxed Mac and Cheese. Her mind registered who usually wore those things, but her attention was distracted with the obvious armed burglary taking place at the front of the store. Nonetheless, Carmen reached under the shelving and touched the person laying on the floor of the next aisle.

***

"YOU THERE. FREEZE!! Down on the floor, hands behind your back!" shouted the welcome voice of Margarita Jones. The siren on the patrol car outside squealed a few times as her partner radioed in. Small town. The churches would be ringing with it on Sunday.

There was a pause, the sound of snapping metal handcuffs and much shuffling and grunting as Lt. Jones made the arrest - along with the continuous noise of Pringles' tubes and other things still bouncing to the floor off bullet-shattered shelves. The door opened, letting in a blast of humid air - leaving in its wake, when closed again, an unnatural silence - given there must have been about a dozen people in the store during the burglary and after the arrest. Everyone was afraid to breathe.

The store loudspeaker announced: "Jiffy's is closing! Please take your purchases up to the register. We are closing in ten minutes!" The tubular ceiling lights flashed on and off several times to add emphasis to the announcement.

***

A VERY ANGRY ROSE WANTING to know who had the audacity to touch her faced a confused Carmen at the end of the aisle, the scattered remains of fresh flowers trampled under their feet. Rose swore - changing in an instant when she saw who it was that had touched her so rudely under the shelves. The store lights flashed off and on again and the insipid, tired voice of the cashier repeated, "The store is closing. Bring all purchases up to the check-out counter, please."

Facing each other, both women looked as if they had seen apparitions. Rose was the first to exclaim, run over and throw her arms around her lover. Carmen started to cry as the weather outside began to clamor against the windows with steel-toed boots - surrounding them with an upsurge of wind. Her tears turned to smiles as the ever-touchy Rose started kissing her and holding her so tightly it almost hurt, but it didn't.

The cashier was holding the door open for a few stragglers, looking down the aisle at them with an impatient frown. The humid scent of Magnolia Avenue running past the Seven-Eleven permeated the store filling it with the essence of a botanical garden. The flowery perfume caught in the air lofting up from the tattered remains of the hail. That fragrance was better than any old New York City. Or "someday" jar full of small change. Besides the star-lit sky and bright moon, the perfume of summer was the local wealth. It was a very lucky person, indeed, that found everything they might want right here, in one of the smallest corners of the world.

"We good?" Rose asked, breathlessly entwined in Carmen's arms.

"Forever...and then some..." answered Carmen.

The store lights flickered off and on again. "Wait up!" shouted Carmen in the direction of the open door, happier than she could ever remember, pulling on Rose's sleeve. Rose looked down and noticed all the flowers that had been trampled into the floor. She pulled away from Carmen for a moment, running a finger down her cheek in her signature move to get her attention. She bent over and chose just one perfect, brilliant blossom, taking it with her.

For the rest of her life, Rose Oliver would never forget this night. Or that flower that just happened to be there, just like she had just happened to be there for Carmen.

One last triumphant yodel was heard over the sound system as some Country-Western singer found musical heaven. 

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Did you love _Secret Love_? Then you should read _An Island in the Sun_ by Cassandra Barnes!

Asia Reynolds, a documentary film maker looks for love in the middle of chaos. She lives in heaven, a beautiful town on the Mississippi river, sparkling countryside, soaring hawks and eagles and more action than she could wish for. Her research skills are in demand for an international political tangle involving an assassination...and another local problem involving a murderous gay love triangle. Then...she meets Jasmine Jones...a young hippie artisan and her known world flips around...

Read more at Cassandra Barnes's site.
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# About the Author

Cass Barnes lives in northern Maine overlooking the Canadian border deep in the forests of Aroostook County. She writes novels, poetry and is an amateur photographer and jazz musician. She contributes to several Third World animal rescues and lives with a wild Yorkshire Terrier, a local rescue.

Cass Barnes is a lesbian who marched in the very first Gay Pride parade in Chicago. She graduated from Boston University magna cum laude in Sociology and attended Harvard for graduate school. She has been writing since childhood.

Cass also plays jazz keyboard and is an avid computer hardware and software student.

She loves to create epic scenery and plots with lesbian characters that build in her mind over time. Like a good sauce, she would like her writing to add flavor to a brighter future for all lesbians. And, of course, some understanding.

Welcome to my world!

Read more at Cassandra Barnes's site.
