Hello.
My name is Johnny Knoxville, and
this story ain't too good
but it's long.
I was at the bar with all the
"Jackass" guys, probably
seven, eight years ago.
And we had mousetraps.
And we were slapping them on
each other's ear or nose or
whatever when you
weren't looking.
And some guy pushes through the
crowd and says he wants to
take a mouse trap to the nuts.
We're like, uh, all right.
That's fine with us.
So Tremaine, director of
"Jackass" held the mousetrap
out and the guy pulls his nuts
out and Jeff snaps the mouse
trap on his nuts.
And he screams like hell
after it happens.
The guy's girlfriend's standing
there and she's not
psyched about it.
Then he offers up his pee-pee
to put in the mousetrap.
And so he puts his pee-pee
in the mouse trap.
He's freaking out, screaming.
But loving it, kind of.
We go back to drinking and the
owner of the bar comes out.
He's like, so who's going to
take the hammer to the nuts?
And that drunk guy pushes back
through the crowd, says, I'll
take the hammer to the nuts.
And at that point,
his girlfriend
just fucking leaves.
Like she's over it,
and she leaves.
So he lays his nuts on the wood
table in the owner of the
bar lifts the hammer up and
just lets it fall straight
down on his nuts.
And at that point, we're
really disturbed.
But kinda happy.
And then he wants to follow that
by putting his jim-dog
down on the table.
And so a lays his jim-dog out,
takes the hammer to it, and
something had to burst.
Just a complete black
and blue mess.
Couple of nights later, I was at
a bar, and some nut pushes
his way through the crowd,
and it was the same guy.
He's like, oh, man.
My girlfriend broke
up with me.
I totally support her
in that decision.
He goes, you wanna
see my cock?
And he pulls out this, like,
just withered and beaten cock.
It looks like a dog's chew
toy or something.
I didn't know really know what
to say, so I think I just took
him to the bar and bought
him a shot.
What do you say?
