I had a dream...
two days ago
that I ran for Mayor of Newark.
-No one knew about him.
-No one knew about me.
Just me. I ran for Mayor of
Newark on a platform of
free 40s and weed for
all my niggas.
And I won in a landslide.
It was crazy. Crazy landslide.
But the lobbyists weren't
happy about it.
They didn't like his socialist
agenda.
That's right.
-So, I got assassinated.
-Mm-hmm.
And then the next day, I
showed up
like nothing happened.
-I had to address the situation.
-Yes, of course.
They just saw a nigga get killed.
I gotta explain why. I was like,
"Look, dudes, I know you guys
just saw me get killed.
But money, weed and bitches!
I'm back, baby!
I'm back!"
Terrified of the police.
-Oh, yeah.
-Terrified of the police.
That's the problem with
the War on Drugs.
It's an increased militarization
of the police.
They get all into the
communities, like in New York,
-and they just get too aggressive.
-Too aggressive.
Like, we were leaving Tutu's,
because the bathroom line
was way too long.
We said, "Fuck it.
We're just gonna go home."
And as we were walking home,
a cop just flashed his gun on us.
It wasn't a flashlight.
-It was a gun.
-It was a gun.
-And I'd never seen a gun before.
-Never.
-Not in person.
-Only on Matlock.
That's right.
That Black dude always had a gun.
All right.
And I'd never seen a gun.
He pointed the gun at me,
and then he pointed it at him,
and then he pointed it at me,
and then he pointed it at him,
and then he pointed it at me,
and then he pointed it at him,
and then he pointed it at me,
and then he stopped.
-And we got super nervous.
-Very nervous.
You know, we thought we
were goners, you know
because Steph Curry shot
40 percent that night,
and we thought we were
gonna get shot.
Fortunately enough,
he didn't kill us.
No.
-He just wanted a selfie.
-That's all he wanted.
He just wanted to take a selfie.
Saw us in 22 Jump Street,
liked us,
asked for a picture.
He was actually a
pretty cool cop.
-Pretty cool cop.
-Pretty cool.
So, we took the picture with him
because he had a gun.
Snapped it, and then he
flew away on his horse.
-Yeah.
-Right?
As he's flying away,
we had an epiphany.
See, we realized how to solve
the problem of police brutality.
You just gotta give every Black
dude a two to five minute
cameo in a movie with Jonah
Hill and Channing Tatum.
-Or Seth Rogen.
-Or Seth. He works too.
He works.
-And it'll work.
-Because Black lives matter.
They do.
-They matter.
-They fucking matter.
-They matter.
-They fucking matter.
But in America,
Black cameos
matter a little bit more.
