 
Electric Blue & Catnip

By

Suilan Lee

Electric Blue & Catnip

Published by Suilan Lee

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2014 Suilan Lee

Edited by Rick

Cover Art by Liang Woo

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

To Rick,

Thank You so much
One

"Sign here."

His agent, Peter Wilson, indicated with a finger.

"Breathe, Alexi, it's just six months."

Alexi wondered if the devil told his subordinates the same words in hell. Don't worry it's only forever. He signed his name on the appropriate lines and sat back in his chair to look at Peter.

"Are you sure this is the right thing? I can't tell anymore."

Peter gathered the documents on the desk, checking the signatures before he returned them to his briefcase. He leaned on the desk and studied Alexi with a kind gaze.

"Your doctor thinks the time away will help your stage fright, and it will give you time to reconnect with your music. Japan has been hard on you these last months, Alexi. You need a break."

I need a change, Alexi thought with a sigh.

He made a living composing and playing piano with orchestras around the world. Peter's company had signed him to their label the year before he'd graduated from Julliard. The media was usually kind to him, dubbing him the one time wonder, a piano man who made millions with each concert. His luck, however, seemed to have run out in the past few months.

Two months ago, he was to perform for a large audience at a theater in Sapporo. Five minutes before the concert started, a panic attack had sidelined him, freezing him backstage. He'd stared at the lone piano in the middle of the stage and felt his world crumbling down around him. He had no idea why he couldn't face an audience anymore; all he knew was that his music had deteriorated from that day. He couldn't compose, when he played, he was afraid and crowds scared the hell out of him. His critics had turned up their persecution and his music career was on the verge of ruin.

"I'm surprised Silver Studios signed me on for their precious movie project."

"Even though you're unable to perform on stage, you're a damn good composer, Alexi. I chose this project because it will give you a chance to get back to basics. Writing music and feeling it out, no popularity contests."

Alexi nodded understanding Peter's logic. He did miss the studio and a chance to go back to New York was even better.

"What are you going to do in the next six months?" he asked Peter.

Peter chuckled and walked around the desk to the coffee tray the butler had brought in. He made two coffees and handed one cup to Alexi.

"You keep me busy, but I do have other clients who need my attention. In June, my wife and I will go on vacation, rekindle the romance without the kid." Peter gave him a wide smile. "It will give us a chance to reconnect too."

Mrs. Wilson was a pleasant woman who worked as a teacher in London. She and Peter had a perfect marriage, Alexi thought fondly, perfect in that they suited each other. Peter was in his early forties, aging well, not an ounce of fat on his body. He kept very fit and it gave him that handsome seasoned look that came from self-assurance. They had one daughter who they both doted on. She was sixteen and attending a private school in London. Alexi could imagine the couple growing old together in a country house, watching their grandchildren running around.

Peter's company had its headquarters in London. When Alexi had been starting out, he'd had to live in London and gotten to meet Peter's family often. Now that Alexi was successful, Peter had given him leave to work out of any city he chose. Hence, the personal visits by Peter to bright and sunshiny Osaka.

Looking around the office it suddenly occurred to him that no one would be here for the next six months. His house would be vacant, and the beach was lovely in June, he smiled at Peter.

"This place will be empty for the summer. You can stay here and visit Osaka. The caretaker will help you with everything. I'm sure Mrs. Wilson will love it. You can show her the sights and the beach."

"That's very generous of you," Peter said sinking into the armchair across the desk. "I'll take you up on that. What are your parents saying about your decision to go to New York?"

Alexi sipped his coffee, his thoughts filling with the argument he'd had with his father at dinner last night. His father was so unbending.

"Dad is not happy. He wants me to quit the limelight and join the company. It would make him happy to see me try to sell machinery parts. It's not enough that he has my brother with him."

His father, Hideki Kotaru, was livid that he was returning to New York. Alexi suspected it was because he got along more with his American grandparents. Hideki had married an American woman after university. They'd lived happily in New York until his Japanese grandfather had fallen ill prompting Hideki to move back to Japan, to take over the reins of the family business. His mother, Allegra, had left her family behind and embraced a new Japanese one.

Sometimes, Alexi wished that he'd gotten the chance to stay in New York while he'd been young. His career would have taken such a different direction. He and his father would probably have an easier relationship. As it was now, they constantly fought about everything.

Where his father was strict, demanding his children follow social norms, his mother always chose the lenient path.

Thank the gods for that, Alexi thought with a shudder, otherwise he'd be some sort of executive stuck at Kotaru Industries working as a company man.

"Your mom will talk to him," Peter cut into his thoughts with a reassuring smile.

Alexi wished he could be as hopeful. Last night's argument might have ruined any footing Allegra might use in his defense. A knock on the door interrupted his depressing thoughts. He couldn't help the smile when he saw his manager.

Lily Mikado was a self-declared fashion guru. Judging from her look today, she'd probably gone shopping in preparation for their trip. Her trim luscious body looked sexy in a short black dress that hugged her curves to perfection. Her black hair was styled in a short cut that gave her an adorable pixie look. She winked at him, and her pink-coated lips curved into a wide smile when she saw Peter.

"Look at you." She stopped by Peter's chair and sunk long red-coated nails into Peter's brown curly hair that was always windblown. "We need to talk about this look of yours. I can't have you standing beside Alexi looking this way."

"Hello, Lily." Peter put his coffee down and adjusted his black jacket. It was covering a black t-shirt and he was in a pair of blue jeans with black converse shoes. Alexi hid a smile when Peter gave them a once over.

Lily perched her hip on the desk on Peter's side and reached over to steal Alexi's coffee. She sipped the black liquid and wrinkled her nose at the taste.

"Get a boyfriend, Lily, so that you can steal his coffee." Alexi pointed to the coffee tray. "Why couldn't you make your own?"

"If you changed your mind about your preferences, then I'd have a boyfriend, wouldn't I?" Lily smiled at him and he glared. "Don't I tempt you in anyway?"

"You make me want to hit you over the head. Is that good enough?"

"You can try. I'll take you down first, Alexander Kotaru. That skinny body of yours can't handle this." She ran her palm over her thigh. "I've been doing endurance training. My gym instructor says it burns out calories."

"You scare me." He shook his head at the thought of a determined Lily drop kicking him to the ground. She would do it too, with a smile on her face. "I'm not skinny, I'm athletic."

"Whatever you say, brown eyes," Lily smirked at him. She turned her attention to Peter to find him watching them in amusement. "What?"

"How are you two going to survive living in one house?"

"It's big enough for both of us. Besides, Adrian will be joining us for a short stay next week."

"Adrian?" Peter asked with a raised a brow directed at Alexi.

He'd figured he'd be seeing it when that little tidbit came up. Standing up, he stretched his arms above his head. He didn't want to discuss his constant need to have Adrian close to him. It was too pathetic.

"Alexi." Peter chided when he didn't comment.

"He's my best friend, Peter. That's all there is to it."

Lily put down the coffee and waved Alexi to her side. He obliged her, walking around his desk to where she was leaning on the corner. She slid an arm around his waist and turned to Peter.

"I promise to take care of him, Peter. He'll be so fresh and new when he comes back, you won't recognize him."

"I'm afraid to believe that." Peter stood and reached for his briefcase. Tapping Lily's nose gently, he smirked and grinned at Alexi. "No drugs, no hookers and don't have too much fun. I'm not missing my vacation because of a crisis created by you two."

"Party pooper," Lily accused wrinkling her nose at Peter.

"Alexi, try to relax and don't think too much," Peter advised.

He wondered how he was supposed to take that advice. Music came from thinking, and emotion, he couldn't shut it out. Lily squeezed his waist before she let go of him.

"Alexi, your brother is looking for you upstairs. Change into the clothes I laid out on your bed. You still have that photo shoot left."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Alexi looked down at his fitting blue faded jeans, bare feet and V-neck white t-shirt. All he needed were shoes, and he'd be good.

"Go change." Lily ordered her eyes glowing daggers.

He sighed.

"I'm twenty-seven, that's two years older than you, Lily. You can't boss me around like this."

She wiggled her deadly looking red nails at him.

"You might be older, but I have the sharp nails here. Go before I use them on your cute face."

Cute, he scoffed mentally.

He rolled his eyes at her and left when she looked at the door expectantly. Damn woman should have joined the army instead.

***

"Adrian Rosen?" Peter demanded the moment they were alone.

Lily got off the desk and walked around to take the seat Alexi had just vacated.

"Stop encouraging that maniac, he destroys Alexi when he leaves."

"Adrian is also the only one who understands Alexi the most." Lily leaned her elbows on the desk with a sigh. "Alexi is not playing like he used to. His mind is full of that stupid night when he couldn't go on stage. Two days ago, we went out shopping and he freaked out in the middle of a mob of fans. I thought he was going to die from hyperventilation."

"He has lost his confidence." Peter sat in his armchair again placing his briefcase on the floor. "Working in New York will force it back. He'll have no responsibilities to the public, minimal recognition. It will be good for his music. As for Adrian, I'm not so sure. That guy has bad karma, I'm pretty sure he's the reason why Alexi is so unhappy."

Lily shook her head and stared at the desk for a moment.

"Do you think Alexi will be able to face an audience in six months?"

"That's your job, Lily. Make it happen. He has a tour starting at the end of August in Tokyo. We're targeting a lot of important guests, all of them expecting the amazing Alexi; we have to make it happen."

"And here Alexi calls me the slave driver." Lily leaned back in her chair and wished for a miracle.

She'd seen Alexi crumble at the thought of going on stage. She wasn't sure what had caused the panic, but since then, even a small crowd was becoming a problem. They were going to need a miracle to get Alexi to his old self.

***

Alexi went upstairs to the second level, his bare feet silent on the wooden floor. He wondered what Phillip wanted to tell him. No doubt, it had to do with the epic fight at his parent's house last night. Turning east, he headed for the master bedroom.

He'd bought this house after his first successful tour. The beach was beautiful in the morning, and the master bedroom had a stunning view of the ocean. He walked across the large room to the floor length windows and pressed a hand to the cool glass. It was sunny today, and the waves were lazily sweeping onto the beach. He could almost feel the cold water on his feet.

"You've always loved the beach," Phillip said behind him, his tone nostalgic as he came to stand beside Alexi. "Mom used to say the waves were like music that soothed you to sleep."

Memories of summers spent running along the Tarui Southern beach filled Alexi's thoughts, bringing a smile to his lips.

Phillip would be playing volleyball with his friends. Their mother would lie on a lounge chair reading a book, while Alexi ran along the beach until exhaustion would make him lie down on the sand. When it was time to go and he was still sleeping, their father would carry him to the car. He'd bought this house because of those memories. He loved the atmosphere at the coast; it calmed him down on most days, although not of late. These days he felt lost and in crisis.

"Did Dad send you?" he asked quietly.

He dropped his hand from the cool window glass and turned to look at his older brother. Where he was only five foot eight, his brother was six foot tall. Obviously, the height came from their mother's side. Phillip was always dressed in impeccable tailored suits and today was no exception. He looked handsome in a gray suit and white shirt. Phillip wore his hair short and neat, Alexi liked to think his brother had taken after their father.

Dark brown eyes met his and he sighed. "What did he want you to tell me?"

"He's worried about your health, Alexi. You're not yourself and you know it."

Alexi turned to look around the neat bedroom to avoid Phillip's probing gaze.

"Last night could have been avoided. You know Mom is always on your side, but you made it impossible for her to back you up."

"If Dad would listen to me for once, I wouldn't need her to back me up."

Alexi stalked to the bed and stared at the clothes Lily had left out for him. Removing his t-shirt, he reached for the blue custom fit pinstriped shirt and wore it with jerky motions. His anger rose at the thought of his fight with their father last night. He hated that it was affecting him this way.

He buttoned the shirt and dropped his jeans to the floor.

"I won't work for Kotaru Industries and you can all forget about me giving up my music. Last night was bound to happen sometime, Phillip. Dad keeps pushing for the impossible and you know I can't work in that company."

"You called him an asshole."

"He was acting like one."

Grabbing up the black slim denim slacks on the bed, he pulled them on over his briefs and zipped up. He ran fingers through his mussed bottle-brown hair and headed to the bathroom to fix it.

"He told me I just wanted to go to New York, so that Adrian and I can fuck around like rabbits. Who was being crude there?"

"You and father are so annoying." Phillip walked to the bed and picked up the clothes he'd left on the floor. Alexi watched him perch on the bed through the mirror in the bathroom. "Adrian will be in New York with you?"

"What of it, Phillip? Please don't start too."

"I haven't said anything."

Alexi came out of the bathroom his hair brushed into the soft cut that had the straight locks framing his face. Stopping to stare at his brother, he made a face when he noted his clothes neatly folded on the bed.

"You didn't have to do that. I could've done it."

Phillip waved his protest away and instead launched into a lecture.

"You're so angry; you don't know where you're coming from. Alexi, do you have to go work in New York? You should go on vacation to an island, somewhere quiet, away from the press and the demands of your career."

Alexi had thought about that numerous times in the past few weeks. He leaned on the wall by the bathroom door suddenly tired. His gaze finding Phillip's, he sighed.

"In case you haven't noticed, this house is on a beach. Most people would consider this a vacation spot. I wish it were that easy. I feel like I'm losing my music. Dealing with the whirlwind of schedules, appearances, publicity stunts, concerts, there is no privacy now that the entire country knows my face. I listened to the last few songs I've written and it was all crap. It's like I've lost my ability to write."

"You are just tired."

"That's exactly what everyone keeps telling me. I'm tired of hearing it. If the music is crap, its crap," Alexi said rubbing his eyes. "I need Adrian. I wrote good music when I was with him. I need to go to New York, and be with people who will challenge me."

"Adrian has let you down every time you two have been together."

The reminder was painful to hear as it stabbed so deep inside him he wanted to cry. He loved Adrian Rosen, sometimes that love got confused between that double edge of friendship and being lovers. Nevertheless, what could he do, no one understood him the way Adrian did. He'd written his best music when he and Adrian had been together.

"You won't survive another betrayal from him."

"We're friends, Phillip." Pushing off the wall, Alexi moved to the bed and sat down beside his brother. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine, I promise. Now, on a scale of one to ten, how bad is it with Dad?"

"He's angry with himself for letting the fight get that bad. Mom is not talking to him. You're leaving a mess at home." Phillip complained.

"My flight can't be delayed again. I've already done it so many times; the guys at Silver Studios are going to think I'm playing around."

"You can call him," Phillip suggested. When Alexi rolled his shoulders in indecision, Phillip wrapped an arm around him. "It's really weird for Mom not to be talking to Dad, you know. She might forgive him if you call."

His mother was always looking out for him and if she wasn't talking to Hideki, he had to do something.

Groaning, he wondered where he was going to get the courage to make that call after he'd called his father an asshole.

He dropped his head into his hands in embarrassment.

***

His courage found him at the Osaka International Airport late at night. He and Lily were waiting to board their flight for New York. Pacing the length of the quiet private lounge, Alexi reached for his cell phone and dialed his father. He closed his eyes as the phone rang.

Five rings into the call, and his courage faltered. When they got to seven, he was ready to hang up.

"Hello." Hideki's perpetually stern voice boomed in his ear.

"It's me." He managed wondering why he'd bothered to call at all. Scowling at his reflection in the windows, he continued. "I'm leaving now. I just wanted to let you know."

"Did you tell your mother?"

"Yes, we had dinner." He shifted his feet and sunk his free hand into his trouser pocket. "I'm sorry about last night, I didn't mean for it to get that bad."

"It was my fault. I'm sorry." A shuffling of papers filled the silence and Alexi smiled. His father was still in the office. "You can go home now, Dad. I'm sure Mom is eager to see you."

"Alright, take care of yourself, Son."

"I will. I promise."

"Call if you need anything."

The call ended and Alexi stared at his phone. Yep, his father was one of those people, the ones that hung up calls when it wasn't he who called in the first place.

"Alexi, it's time." Lily called to him, gathering her bag and his carry-on. She was dressed down for the trip in comfortable keds, jeans and a baggy jersey. "You can try and get some sleep on the flight. You look terrible."

He picked up the shopping bags she'd left on the lounge chairs and followed her. She really was charming, he thought with a sigh. He could patent her brand of attitude, he thought with a smile as she turned to see if he was following.

****

Two

Adrian met them at the airport. Alexi drank in the sight of him like a starved animal. Adrian stood out in the small waiting crowd. He was handsome as always in black boots, long legs encased in sexy fit dark denim, and those broad shoulders looked inviting in a fitting black blazer. Adrian's full smile showed off perfect teeth.

He met Adrian's deep green eyes and a fraction of the world righted itself.

"It looks like he's taken up art," Lily noted beside him.

Her comment brought his attention to the sign Adrian was holding up. Someone had drawn brown eyes on the white paper. Below the eyes, was Adrian's familiar chicken scratch, he'd written, 'Looking for Brown Eyes'.

Alexi laughed.

"You don't like it?" Adrian asked when he and Lily reached him. His expression was very serious, as though he would be upset if the answer was no. Grinning, Alexi took the sign and gave it a short study.

"I love it," he declared earning himself a huge hug.

Strong arms wrapped around him tightly. It felt like coming home.

"I've missed you, Alexi."

Alexi closed his eyes, taking in the words, letting them soak in, he pulled back slightly and reached up to touch Adrian's very short hair.

"You cut your hair. Have you joined the army in my absence?"

Adrian smiled. "It's for a new photo shoot campaign. I was bald; my hair is just starting to grow."

Adrian turned to Lily and flashed a wide smile. "Hi dominatrix, did you bring your whip?"

"I have it in my purse. I'll bring it out if you don't behave." Lily looked at her buzzing cell phone and sighed. "Come on, my little slaves, I have things to do."

Adrian lifted his hand up in mock salute before he took the handle of Alexi's carry-on bag from him. Lily led the way out, her heels clicking on the tiled floor. She had changed into a royal blue business suit just before they landed. Alexi couldn't help but envy her energy. Lily had managed to sleep through the entire twelve-hour flight, waking up an hour before they landed. She looked refreshed.

He, on the other hand, felt like a trailer truck had hit him without mercy. His eyes were gritty, and the world felt like a war zone. The sight of Adrian was the only thing keeping him sane.

As if sensing his mood, Adrian slung an arm over his shoulder, guiding him toward the exit.

A small thrill raced down his spine when Adrian leaned over and whispered into his left ear. "New York has been very lonely without you."

His besotted heart soaked in those words, but his muddled brain berated him. The wind was icy when they stepped out of the warm airport. Pulling up his jacket collar, he shivered. Adrian wrapped a very warm scarf around his neck and he murmured his thanks.

Lily was talking into her phone at the curb where a black limousine stood waiting. She waved him into the car as Adrian went to help the driver with their luggage. Eager to escape the cold weather, he slid into the back. Once settled, he touched the black scarf Adrian had tied around his neck and buried his nose into the warm wool. Breathing in deep, he closed his eyes as Adrian's scent filled him.

"Alexi." Lily leaned in to look at him. His head jerked up guiltily as he met her gaze. "I need to get to the studio's offices. They have sent a car. Adrian will get you home. Try and get some sleep."

"Okay." He smiled at her and she frowned.

"What?" he asked.

"No hanky-panky. I need you whole, Brown Eyes."

"What kind of warning is that?"

"A strict warning, Alexi, don't think I didn't see that little sniff into that scarf." Lily glared at him before she disappeared. Thinking her a witch who could see things through solid rock, he sat back determined to ignore the little tingles going through his brain.

Adrian slid in a moment later closing the passenger door the same time the driver got in. Alexi gave him a wan smile and confessed.

"I'm ready for a bed."

Adrian closed the distance between them. Sliding a hand around his shoulders, Adrian pulled him into a half hug so that Alexi's head rested on his left shoulder. Adrian took his right hand and squeezed his fingers. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," Alexi said with a yawn.

Adrian nodded, resting his chin on top of Alexi's head. He brought Alexi's hand up to his mouth and pressed a warm kiss on his palm. Alexi closed his eyes in wonder when warm delicious sensations crisscrossed through him from the simple caress. It was his curse; he thought dimly, this insane addiction to Adrian. His blood sang in excitement, his body wishing for more of those vibrations. Lily was right to be worried, he decided.

He barely had any recollection of the drive to the Upper East Side. When they arrived, Adrian woke him gently and he stood on the curb while the door attendant, the driver and Adrian handled the luggage. The penthouse condominium Lily had gotten for the duration of their stay was on the top floor. A full-floor spacious affair that boasted four bedrooms, three and a half baths, living room, kitchen and terraces, on a normal day he'd be running around exploring his new space, but not today.

It was eight o'clock in the morning, snowing cold and he needed sleep. The moment Adrian showed him into the master bedroom, he stripped down to his boxers and climbed between the soft sheets on the extra-large bed. Adrian turned to leave, but he reached out in time to catch his shirtsleeve.

"Stay with me 'til I fall asleep."

Adrian paused for a moment. Alexi tugged on the sleeve he was holding until Adrian gave in and slid in to the bed fully clothed. Alexi sighed in contentment as Adrian pulled him into his arms. Closing his eyes, he rested his head on Adrian's chest and promptly fell asleep.

*****

Adrian watched Alexi sleep, a sigh escaping at the trusting way the younger man acted. He moved slightly, and the arms over his chest tightened slightly. Clearly, Alexi was still needy. It was always like this between them. Alexi clung to him and he allowed it because he wanted someone to need him. Reaching for an extra pillow, he fluffed it behind his back and settled in.

He brought his left hand up to brush Alexi's dyed brown hair away from his face. It was stylishly cut, but longer than he remembered. Pulling the covers over Alexi's bare shoulder, he bit his lip to stop the groan at the thought of Alexi's bare body lying over him. The memory of Alexi's slender, sexy body writhing in ecstasy under him was never far from his thoughts. There were things they hadn't tried, things he wanted to do to Alexi, but hadn't gotten the chance. He'd made mistakes in the past with Alexi. He still had to atone for his past behavior.

Tracing a finger over Alexi's nose, down to the kissable lips patted slightly in sleep, he wondered why they couldn't seem to get their relationship right. They'd known each other for ten years. He was two years older than Alexi was, one would think he'd be ready to commit first, but instead, it was the other way round. A year ago, Alexi had offered to move permanently to New York so that they could live together. He didn't even know what had brought about the decision. He hadn't bothered to ask, too occupied with his issues to want to know. He'd refused the offer, urging Alexi to take on a world tour instead. To make sure that Alexi left, he'd hopped on a plane and gone to L.A. for a business meeting to start his model agency.

Lily had been furious with him. She'd shown up at his new offices a month later and spent the better part of an hour ripping him a new one.

Alexi moaned in his sleep and cuddled closer.

He sighed in frustration. Now that Alexi was back, what was he supposed to do? Their relationship was supposed to be platonic, but in the ten years they had known each other, they'd never managed to stay just friends. Always getting in each other's way, he sighed again.

"What am I going to do with you, Alexi?" he asked his sleeping friend not expecting an answer.

***

Adrian jerked awake an inordinate amount of time later to find Alexi had moved away from him in his sleep. Sitting up, he yawned and pulled the covers over Alexi, who was hugging a pillow tightly, before he got off the bed. Glancing at his watch, he sighed when he saw that it was already nine o'clock in the morning.

Making sure to close the drapes, he left the darkened master bedroom and went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. He found Lily leaning on the Poggenpohl natural stone kitchen counter. She was sipping coffee from a red mug in her right hand, while typing rapidly into her Blackberry with her left.

"You're back." He greeted walking to the coffee pot. "You should have woken me up. I still have to get to the office."

"Adrian." Lily stopped typing to look at him with a critical eye. "I'll tell you what I told Alexi. Make sure nothing happens here, I need him whole for this project."

"Meaning you expect me to chew him into small pieces and spit him out. You and Peter are so alike."

"We're the ones who were there to see the mess you left behind last year." Lily put her coffee mug on the kitchen counter and pointed a finger at him. "I wish there was someone else I could ask to do this. I really do, Adrian. I'd go to them and beg them on my knees."

"You're stuck with me." He pointed out with a grateful smile. "Alexi is just exhausted; you have been working him to the bone."

"In case you haven't noticed, he's a Kotaru. Overworking is in the DNA."

"I have missed you, you wicked princess." Adrian gave her a small bow of respect before he sank into a seat at the kitchen island table. "I'm sorry for what happened last year, Lily. I'll do my best to make it up to him."

"I'd be satisfied with a clear-headed Alexi for now." Lily gave him a sharp glance before she picked up her coffee mug. "He might have forgiven you, Adrian, but the jury is still out with me. Don't forget I saw you in L.A. You know what I found there. I'll be watching you."

*****

Alexi woke up alone. Running a hand over the spot where Adrian had slept, he stared at the empty pillow, a hollow sensation settling in his stomach. He hadn't meant to cling but seeing Adrian at the airport looking so vital-, he closed his eyes.

He was here to work, not to rekindle lost dreams.

It still hurt, he acknowledged. It hurt deep inside where he couldn't ever revisit again. If he even tried, he might never recover. Pushing off the covers, he got out of bed and stalked to the attached master bathroom with determination. A long soak in hot water would get his thoughts back on track. He and Adrian were just friends now.

No hanky-panky, Alexi, he reminded his stupid weak heart.

*****

Getting used to the cold New York weather was tough, he liked his morning runs and the cold restricted him to a treadmill in the penthouse gym. After that first day, Adrian seemed to be on a mission to avoid him. Adrian was perpetually busy with his modeling agency. Alexi hardly ever saw Adrian unless it was late at night right before bed, or early in the morning before work.

His mother called him daily, hounding him to look after himself. Allegra could be pushy, but he tolerated her calls because if he were to ignore them, she'd probably show up at the penthouse.

The only good thing about his stay in New York so far was that he really liked working with the movie producers and director for the Night Guardians project. They knew what they wanted, and as he'd sat listening to their ideas and suggestions with the different scenes, his creative juices were on overdrive. He was composing music again.

March went by in a blur of creative meetings, research, and snowstorms that left him dreaming of sunny skies and hot weather. When April rolled in and the first spring shower fell, he jumped up and down, happy for the warm weather. To celebrate the promise of less cold, he started going to the park for his morning run.

On the last week of April, Alexi woke up to a very bright Saturday to find Adrian busy in the kitchen making pancakes. Lily sat at the kitchen table chewing on a slice of toast while she worked on her laptop. He let out a lazy yawn as he leaned on the wall to pull on his socks.

"Going for a run?" Adrian asked flipping a pancake expertly.

He looked adorable in the red apron. Admiring Adrian's tight ass in tailored dark brown trousers for a moment, he pulled on his sneakers and nodded.

"I should be back in an hour. Will you be here?"

"No, I have a meeting. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?"

Alexi stared at Adrian's back. They hadn't seen each other as much as he'd thought they would. Adrian was always in meetings or helping schedule his models, not to mention the business trips. Numerous business trips to L.A. that took Adrian away for days. Alexi was at a loss.

Was Adrian avoiding him on purpose?

Glancing at Lily, his frown deepened when she seemed to bury her head closer to her laptop screen, any closer and her nose was going to be reading her email notifications.

Alexi ignored Lily's peculiar behavior and answered Adrian. "Let's make it a date. I'll see you for dinner. I will cook."

"Stop the presses," Lily muttered. "Adrian, are you sure you want to test your stomach?"

"He cooks." Adrian defended him. Turning around he winked at Alexi, his green eyes sparkling. Alexi's stupid heart flipped like the pancakes in Adrian's pan. "I'll see you tomorrow evening."

Alexi stuck his tongue out at Lily, the childish action making him strangely happy. He headed out of the penthouse in a lighter mood. It was only seven o'clock when he started his run at the park. Pounding the path to One Republic's Feel Again, he blocked out everything. He was in the zone, his breath the only thing interrupting his blank mind, when a thundering force tackled him to the ground.

His attacker was unrelenting. Tight arms locked around him, as they fell hard on the edge of the tarmac path. It didn't help that he wore shorts, the gravel cut into his left thigh like stinging nettle. His left arm burned hot, a sharp pain running up and down his upper arm. Shrieking in fright, he tried to roll away to save himself, but he was pushed down on his back.

"Stay still, you idiot."

"Get off me," he shouted punching the body holding him down.

He couldn't breathe for goodness sakes. When the weight kept pinning him down, hysteria struck.

"What the hell are you doing? Oh my god, are you one of those perverts. I'll have you know, I'm martial arts trained. I won't stay down and let you hurt me. I might break your bones, so get off me before I hurt you really badly."

His attacker got off him and he sat up, pulling off his earphones to see what was going on. He blinked when he suddenly realized that there was a large hunk of stone statue a few feet away from him, the size of which would squash a house. It stood gracefully on the paved path where he'd just been running a few minutes ago.

Too surprised to say anything, he turned to see who his attacker was, his gaze colliding with stunning electric blue eyes that had him gaping. The world seemed to fade after that, the only thing he could remember when he woke up fifteen minutes later, was the sight of electric blue.

****

Three

It was a perfect day for a wedding in the park, Joshua thought, as he walked along the neat rows of white chairs. The sun was cooperating, it was bright and clear, and his little sister was going to get the day she had been hoping for her wedding. Carrying a set of chairs to the back of the neat rows, he arranged them carefully making sure they were stable in the grass.

"Professor, you have a call." He looked up to find his teaching assistant coming toward him holding out a cell phone.

"Finish this for me."

He waved to the final three chairs. Glancing at the caller ID, he gave a small grimace as he answered the call.

"Alicia, I'm at the site, and everything is ready."

"I just wanted to make sure. Everyone keeps telling me that things are fine but I'm paranoid. Do you have everything under control? I don't want any nasty surprises mid-ceremony."

"Take a deep breath, and hand the phone to Jenny."

Who had given the bride a phone on the morning of her wedding? When his older sister came on, he let her have it.

"Confiscate all the phones in that room, Jenny. She's going to talk herself into coming down here to supervise."

"I'm sorry. Mom forgot she had her phone in her purse. I'm on it."

Jenny hung up almost immediately and he stuck his phone into the front pocket of his jeans.

"My sister is going crazy and it's only seven o'clock in the morning. The wedding planner brought the labels earlier. We'll label the chairs and then I'll get ready before she finds out I'm not dressed." Joshua smiled at Tim and shook his head. "Aren't weddings fun?"

Tim laughed and held out a printed list. They trailed along the rows to the front checking off names on the list, while Tim replaced or rearranged the neatly printed red cards. When they were finished, Joshua stood at the front looking the seating arrangements over. He couldn't believe this was finally happening. His youngest sister was finally tying the knot with her longtime boyfriend. They had known each other since high school.

Through both their college, Joshua had seen Alicia and Patrick go through tough times that had even made them break up twice. Nevertheless, destiny was destiny. Alicia and Patrick's story made him believe that everyone would find a soul mate. Patrick was a doctor now, while Alicia worked as a product designer for a cosmetic company. Patrick's grandmother had bought them a house in the suburbs.

They were ready to start a new chapter in their lives.

His house was now going to be an empty place. With Alicia and Patrick moving out, and Tim graduating, he was going to be very lonely this summer.

A shout startled him out of his thoughts and he glanced up in time to see people running. Twenty feet away, city council workers had been hard at work installing some kind of statue. Their crane was now hoisting the massive large stone statue in the air, but something was wrong.

The statue was teetering in the air like a twig about to break. One of the cords holding it up had snapped making the solid rock tip to the side. People on the path were scattering away to be safe.

"Oh God, that guy is running toward it."

Tim pointed at a lone runner, a slender young man who was wearing earphones and seemed oblivious to the commotion.

The second chord on the statue snapped and the statue tipped farther. Joshua started running toward the young man. Bloody students with their ipods, what had happened to being disciplined enough to run without music.

He rushed toward the young man, full speed ahead, hoping to get to him before the statue collapsed. His sandals came off on the way, but he paid them no attention. Jumping onto the tarmac road, he tackled the slender body to the ground, just as the statue hit the ground with a big bang. Stealing a quick glance, he saw it start rolling toward them and he pushed the young man up to the grassy area on the other side of the path. He was hoping that since the slope would end with the path, the statue would lose its momentum.

His victim was fighting him like a feral animal. He warded off a punch to his face and cursed.

"Stay still you idiot."

Thankfully, the statue stopped on the path. Moving off the slender body to escape the tirade of words flung at him in...he frowned...Japanese? He sat on the grass and pointed to the statue now sitting upright on the path. He turned to his victim and met frightened brown eyes.

Trying for a comforting smile, he gaped when the surprisingly handsome young man fell back in a faint.

Great, he sighed scratching the back of his head. He had saved a lightweight.

"Professor, are you alright?" Tim came running holding his sandals and panting heavily. "Are you guys hurt?"

"I'm fine, but I think I knocked the wind out of him." He nodded to the passed out runner. Tim handed him his sandals and moved to look at the young man.

"Oh wow, he's really cute." Tim exclaimed glancing at him with a small grin. "He looks Asian, although I'm not sure because of the brown hair. He has a bruise on his left temple. Maybe he hit his head."

Putting on his sandals, Joshua leaned over to take a better look. A thin coat of sweat covered the younger man's forehead. Soft skin was the first thought that came to Joshua. Very soft, he wanted to touch it. He doubted the younger man shaved at all. His gaze fell on slightly parted lips. They looked inviting. If he were to press his on them, it would be so easy to slide his tongue over that full lower lip and tease him to-, heat flushed down to his lower abdomen and he jerked back as if burned. He was lusting over a passed out helpless man.

Tim continued his inspection.

"Bruises on his left upper arm, his left thigh, and leg, they don't look too bad. He will be sore, but it's not life threatening or anything. The hit to the head could be the reason why he passed out. I'll call 9-1-1."

Curbing his unwarranted lust, Joshua looked at the bruise on the young man's head and sighed. He hoped it wasn't a concussion. Standing, he leaned down and swung the slight weight into his arms.

"I'll carry him to the gazebo at the wedding site. Direct the ambulance there, Tim."

"Alright, let me talk to the city council crew. We gotta cover your ass, Professor, in case there are any legal issues."

"This is why I'll miss you Tim."

Joshua smiled at Tim as he hurried across the path and up the slope to the gazebo that been set up for the wedding. As he walked there, he mulled over the Japanese that had been flying at him when he had been holding the young man down. He had spent two years in Kyoto for his research in ancient Asian empires five years ago. He knew the language although it had come so fast.

He was sure he had been threatened with martial arts and broken bones. Judging from the size of the man in his arms, he doubted the broken bones would have been his. Walking up the gazebo steps, he placed his charge on the wooden floor. He removed his NYU sweatshirt and folded it up nicely. He used it to cushion the young man's head.

Seating on the floor beside the passed out man, he sighed.

"Now what?" he murmured.

He watched Tim talking to the city council crew in the distance. The wedding planner was back and she was doing a check on the carpet where the bride was going to be walking down the aisle. A swift glance at his watch told him that it was close to eight o'clock. Looking at the seemingly sleeping man, he wondered where home was.

Tim was still by the statue and the crew. He focused his attention on the young man again, and this time he could not resist, running a gentle finger over the closed eyes.

"Wake up, sleeping prince," he murmured, allowing his finger to travel down to the delicate square jaw.

How could a man look so fragile?

Clearing his throat, he moved his finger away.

The young man chose that moment to open his eyes. Groaning slightly, his right hand came up to touch his temple.

"Careful, you got knocked down pretty hard."

"You," Accusing brown eyes met his and he gasped at the fire in those eyes that turned them into golden honey. "Why did you tackle me like that?"

Charmed, Joshua hid a smile and shrugged.

"A gentle tap was not going to save you. That thing was going to get us both if we didn't move away."

The young man sat up carefully, his gaze sliding away from him to fall on his leg. He cursed when he saw the scrapes from the gravel on his left leg and thigh.

"Lily is going to kill me," he grumbled.

Joshua clenched his jaw, surprised by the surge of jealousy that flooded him. Of course, the man he was insanely attracted to would have a girlfriend.

"Who is Lily?" he asked, unable to resist.

It was better to confirm than to speculate.

"She's-," the sound of sirens filled the air and the young man gasped. "You called nine-one-one?"

Panic filled brown eyes and the young man was suddenly moving to stand up. Joshua had to move fast to keep him sitting.

"Take it easy, you hit your head and passed out. We need to make sure you don't have a concussion."

"I feel perfectly fine. The scrapes will sting, sure, but I don't need to go to hospital."

"Relax. I will stay with you through it. Besides, if nothing is wrong, they will give you first aid and head on. Is there anyone I should call, your girlfriend Lily or your parents? What is your name?"

"Alexi, and no, we don't need to call my parents." Shaking his head, Alexi sat with his right hand pressed to his head as though it was throbbing. "I'm twenty-seven years old, thank you. I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Who needs Lily when she's just going to make trouble?"

"This habit of yours, launching into rapid Japanese, do you do it often?"

"What?" Alexi demanded glaring at him.

Those eyes of his were his defining factor, Joshua decided. They were so glorious.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just-, Why are you smiling?"

"You're a spirited little thing." Joshua reached out and brushed brown hair away from Alexi's eyes. "Fine, Alexi, no parents or girlfriends. Where do you live?"

"303 east 77th street," Alexi rapped out in a rehearsed tone. He blushed when he met Joshua's gaze and continued to explain. "I just moved here two months ago. I lapse into Japanese sometimes."

Cute, Joshua thought.

"Is there someone we can call at your address?"

He watched in fascination as a frown danced over that smooth forehead. Alexi bit his lower lip and he glanced away when his body reacted to the action.

"I-, oh geez, I hope you're ready for this." Alexi warned as he removed the watch on his wrist. He pushed a small button on the back of the silver watch. "If you don't want to hang around this is your chance. I see the ambulance. I can talk to them."

Joshua chuckled at the attempt to release him.

"In case you haven't noticed, you're in a gazebo where a wedding will be taking place in two hours. I have to be here."

He was surprised to see disappointment flash in Alexi's eyes. Before he could clarify, the wedding was not his, two paramedics descended on them. The two men worked fast, treating the minor cuts on Alexi's leg and thigh. The bruise on his upper arm did not need much. One of the paramedics shone a light into Alexi's eyes, while he grumbled about being fine.

"Are you feeling dizzy?"

Alexi answered that he was, but it would pass. They took his vitals and they were just deciding whether to take him in to the emergency room when chaos descended.

Chaos in the form of a pint-sized pixie dressed in pink pajama bottoms and a sleeveless silk top. Joshua was in awe, as she dashed into the gazebo like Flash. She seemed to have appeared from thin air.

"Alexi," she called in a panic. "Alexi! Are you all right? What did you do? Fight with the pavement when you were running. Look at you, you're a mess."

She moved around the paramedics, somehow finding a spot beside Alexi. Touching his head delicately, she peered at the bruise on his head while Alexi winked at him.

Joshua laughed.

"We can take him to the hospital. He'll get a more thorough check up on his head." One of the paramedics explained to the woman.

"Yes, by all means. What are we waiting for?"

"Lily, if you would breathe for a second, you'd see that you're overreacting here. I am perfectly fine. I don't need a ride to the hospital."

"I'm in charge here." Lily declared with a glare. She shook her head and stared at the bruise again. "How the hell am I ever going to let you out of the house again?"

"I'm fine, Lily." Alexi tried to assure her. "I don't want to go to the emergency room. Please, make that happen and I'll undergo any tests you want with a private doctor."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked, peering into his eyes as though she could read minds.

"I'm sure," Alexi said firmly.

She weighed his answer for a moment, and then she stood up and went to talk to the paramedics.

"Who is she? Is she your girlfriend?" Joshua asked moving back to Alexi's side to help him stand.

Alexi was stable on his feet, which was good, but it also meant that he had to let go much faster.

Alexi touched his left upper arm with his right. He poked at the bruised skin as though testing how big the bruise was going to be.

"She's not my girlfriend. More like my master."

Lily came back, pausing to give Joshua a very critical appraisal. He wondered if she could read minds.

"Lily, you're scaring him. You want to thank him, he rescued me."

"Rescue," she said. "You needed to be rescued? Oh, yes, the story about the statue that wanted to kill you. Don't you ever do anything in small scales?"

Turning to Joshua, she glared.

"Well, speak up, what's your name?"

"Joshua."

He suddenly felt like a student answering to his teacher for doing something bad. It was an interesting experience considering he was a professor now.

"Thank you for helping Alexi. I'm sorry to inconvenience you."

She gave him a short bow and nodded to the black car she had parked dangerously close to the neatly arranged chairs in the back. How she had gotten a car in that far was a mystery to him.

"Let's go, Alexi. I talked the paramedics into letting you go. We have an appointment with Dr. Sareshi."

She moved to take Alexi's hand to guide him out.

Joshua waved her off and leaned to pick Alexi up into his arms. Alexi slapped his hands away and glared.

"I can walk perfectly fine."

"Shut up, Alexi. Let the handsome man carry you. This way, Joshua, we need to hurry. Alexi has a meeting in an hour."

Alexi glared at Lily, which gave Joshua the opportunity to swing him up into his arms. Lily led the way out of the gazebo and as they followed her, Joshua met Alexi's gaze.

"I could use her as a TA. Do you think she would accept?"

"Are you a student?" Alexi asked with interest.

"No, I'm a professor at NYU, Eastern literature and arts."

Lily held the passenger door open for him and he deposited Alexi in the driver's seat carefully. Stepping back, Lily closed the passenger door, and turned to him. She held out a small white card with an address and number.

"What you did was very brave. Thank you for saving him. If you ever need anything, please call me."

The passenger window slid down, and Alexi looked at her with a small smile before he turned to Joshua.

"Come for dinner tomorrow evening. We're having a small dinner party and I have someone who'll be glad to meet you."

"Alexi," Lily said as if in warning.

"Say you'll come."

Alexi's brown eyes implored him and to his surprise, he found that he could barely resist the surge of attraction that swept through him. Smiling back, he nodded.

"What time?"

"Six o'clock, I'll tell the doorman to let you up."

Alexi waved at him, and the window went back up.

Lily huffed and walked around to the driver's side. She drove off seconds later, just as Tim came to join him.

"Interesting duo, who do you think he is?"

"Just a man, running down the street," Joshua said thoughtfully, his gaze on the white card. There was no name on the card, just the address and a phone number. "Well, enough of that, we have to get ready for a wedding now."

"Professor, I think you just let your date go." Tim teased with a laugh.

Joshua shook his head and shoved the card into his pocket.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go before Alicia discovers there has been trouble at the site and her brother is not in his tux yet."

Two hours later, Joshua walked his sister down the aisle, gripping her hand on his elbow tightly as they marched in time toward Patrick. Alicia was radiant in white, her smile brighter than the sun, her gaze firmly on Patrick. He glanced up to find Patrick's gaze on Alicia's and he suddenly felt envious of their love. He wanted that look one day. He wondered if he would ever get it.

****

Four

Alexi's fingers moved delicately over the black and white keys on the black baby grand that stood in his living room. Eyes closed, he let the notes flow over him like sparkling liquid, soothing his aching head. He'd tried sleeping, but it was too lovely a day to spend in bed. After his visit to the doctor with Lily, he'd insisted on going for the staff meeting at the studio. The meeting had gone on longer than expected, and was probably the reason why his headache persisted.

He'd come home expecting to catch a nap, but that hadn't worked. Instead, he'd gone out in search of a fresh fish market in town. Staring out the windows, he watched the sun sliding down in the horizon, ending a strange Saturday. His melody was full of nostalgia as his thoughts filled with the memory of electric blue eyes.

Those stunning eyes that reminded him of the summer he'd turned ten. He'd gone with his mother to visit his aunt and uncle in Tokyo. He remembered being unhappy about the situation because Phillip had stayed behind for a soccer tournament. It had all seemed so unfair to be visiting relatives alone while his brother had all the fun back at home.

A week of smiling and playing nice with his bullying older cousins had taken a toll on him. By the time they were leaving Tokyo, he had vowed never to visit any place with his mother again. It didn't help that every time he called Phillip all he heard about was how much fun his brother was having at the soccer tournament in Osaka.

Standing beside his mother at the train station, he had put his foot down and declared his unhappiness. His mother had smiled, given him a long hug and urged him into the train. Once they arrived back in Osaka, instead of going home she had driven to his favorite ice cream parlor at six o'clock in the evening. The store had already closed but somehow; his mother had found a way to convince the storeowner to let them in after hours.

Once inside, she put him on a high chair at the counter and got him a bowl of his favorite ice cream. It had been blue and tasted of berries. He had called it electric blue because it reminded him of Storm from X-men, his favorite super hero. That day, his ice cream had been extra tasty. His mother had called it their special moment, his reward for tolerating the visit to Tokyo.

Joshua's eyes reminded him of that ice cream. The store had closed down a couple of years later, and he'd yet to find one that offered the same exact flavor.

Sadly, he doubted he'd ever find the ice cream, but he certainly had found the color. Smiling, he shook his head at the silliness of his thoughts before he changed the nostalgic melody into a Minuet in G major.

A few minutes into it, Adrian joined him on the bench, sitting quietly watching him play. The scene so familiar, his heart ached with memories he'd caged a year ago. Taking in a deep breath, Adrian's scent, a delicious familiar mix of sunshine and mint, filled him. The melody ended and he dropped his hands on his lap. All thoughts of Joshua disappeared as he turned to look at Adrian and asked a question that had been burning inside him all day.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm right here." Adrian answered dismissively, his tone gentle as if answering a child. He reached up to touch Alexi's left temple. His fingers cool against Alexi's skin. "You're going to be purple for a while. We should find you something to hide it."

Shrugging the state of his bruises away, Alexi met Adrian's green eyes with anger. He wanted answers and he was going to get them.

"I want to know why, Adrian. I know you, and the amount of time you are spending at work is unnatural. Are you dating someone else? Is that it? Because you can just tell me, I don't have any illusions left about us."

"There is no one." Adrian dropped his hand and looked away. His little retreat hurt more than it should. "How can you say that?"

"I don't know what else to think," Alexi said.

Alexi got off the bench and went to the full-length windows. Bracing his hands against the glass, he wondered where this frustration was coming from. He wished he could stop it, but thinking of Adrian with someone else drove him insane. Which was stupid since they weren't together, when was his heart going to get that?

"Tell me why you've been so busy these last two months? We barely spent time together. I'm not so busy at the studio that I don't have time for lunch if you wanted. Did I do something to you?"

"You need to concentrate on your work with the studio, Alexi."

"I need my best friend back. I don't want another person telling me what to do. I have enough of those around me."

Pushing off the window, he turned to look at Adrian who still sat on the comfortable piano bench.

"Is it really impossible for you to spend time with me? Do you hate me, Adrian?"

"You don't know what you're saying."

Adrian got off the bench and shook his head clearly conflicted. It made Alexi uneasy, but he refused to think he could abandon their friendship. He didn't think he could stand a world without Adrian as his friend.

"I'm trying to do what is best-,"

"For who, you, or me," Alexi cut him off.

"For you, Alexi," Adrian said quietly. "I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Well, you're hurting me by staying away like this."

Closing the distance between them, Alexi grabbed Adrian's right hand and squeezed. Meeting unreadable green eyes, he wished he could just figure out what was going through that stubborn head.

"I came here to be with you. I know it's insane. Especially after all the things that have happened between us but I don't want to-,"

Adrian silenced him with a hard kiss. Eyes wide, Alexi stood still as Adrian's firm lips moved over his. His brain felt frozen, he tried to hang on to reason, but then Adrian started to pull back and all reason disappeared. He reached up and pulled Adrian's head down. His lips fusing to firm ones that turned pliant when he ran his tongue over them. It felt so good. He moved closer, eager.

It had been so long. So long, his blood heated and his traitorous body reacted accordingly.

He wound his arms around Adrian's neck and pressed closer. Adrian wrapped his arms around his waist holding him closer. They kissed hungrily, Alexi felt like he might lose his sanity if Adrian stopped.

The sound of the elevator doors opening broke the apart. Breathing in gasps, Alexi pressed a hand to his lips, lost in a haze of arousal as he stared at Adrian. He fought for control as the sound of Lily's heels came toward them.

"Hey guys."

She dropped onto the couch and proceeded to pull of her heels.

"My feet are killing me. Peter sent me on an errand at NYU and I'm exhausted. Do you know how hard it is to find a dean?"

She leaned back on the couch and blew out a sigh. Alexi watched Adrian run fingers through his hair before he cleared his throat. Meeting green eyes, Alexi bit his lip at the unbridled lust so clearly visible.

Adrian looked away and told Lily.

"I gotta go. I have some people I need to meet."

"Adrian."

Alexi started toward him but Adrian shook his head and stepped back.

Lily had her eyes closed and her feet resting on the coffee table, she didn't see Adrian's hasty retreat. Giving her an irritated glance for interrupting them, Alexi turned to find Adrian already headed for the door.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow. Don't wait up," Adrian said as he rushed out of the penthouse leaving him in a state of confusion

That kiss, what did it mean? Did it mean they could be together again? Had he misinterpreted their parting a year ago?

Alexi moved to sit on the couch beside Lily. Propping his feet up on the coffee table, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Did he kiss you?" Lily asked. When he didn't answer, she poked his ribs. "I have spidey sense and it's telling me I just walked in on something. Tell me."

"Well, if you knew that, you should have gone to the kitchen."

His body was still recovering from the riotous sensations Adrian had aroused. He was going to be thinking about that kiss until the next time he saw Adrian. Damn it, he wished he could be as blasé as Adrian.

What did walking out solve?

"Do you want to go out later?"

"Yeah, sure," she answered lazily. Lily opened her eyes and turned to look at him. "Should I start worrying?"

He didn't know if he should be worrying. "Let's just go out tonight. I don't want to talk about it."

****

At ten o'clock the next morning, Alexi dragged Lily out of bed so that they could go grocery shopping. After a night spent club hopping and meeting old friends from Julliard, he'd decided not to think too seriously about Adrian's kiss.

Lily let out a long loud yawn beside him, stretching her arms above her head like a relaxing cat. She adjusted the cap on her head and sipped cappuccino from the designer to-go cup in her hand. In jeans and a white fitting t-shirt, she could easily be mistaken for a co-ed. Alexi pushed the shopping cart through the aisles headed for the veggie section.

"What are you cooking?" Lily asked, touching oranges when he stopped by the fruits. "I found fish in the fridge last night from a place called Dorian's. Are you making friends without my knowledge?"

Alexi smiled at her question. Moving the cart out of the way, he started his search for the perfect pineapple.

"It's a seafood place, my dear. I ordered some salmon from them. This answers your first question. I'm making grilled salmon tonight."

"How come I've never known you can cook?"

Lily picked up a kiwi fruit and smelled it. She put it back and took up a pineapple, scowling at it when the skin pricked her finger. She handed it to him for inspection.

"I haven't had much time to cook."

He returned her pineapple since it wasn't fully ripe and decided on one he'd picked up first. Placing it carefully in the cart, he pushed the cart away from the fruits. Lily pulled out the list he'd made before they left the house.

"What's next?" he asked.

"Potatoes and a bunch of herbs, are you sure you know how to use them?"

He would have retorted to that, but when he looked at her, he found her smiling at him.

She sipped her coffee. "I like you like this."

Taking the list from her, he read it and led her to the fresh herbs.

"Like how?" he asked.

"Relaxed, cooking," Lily said, leaning on the cart pushing it slowly with her foot while he made his selection, "you are outside without dark glasses and a hat covering your face."

She was right, he thought as he gauged the state of the parsley stalks he was holding. How strange, in Japan, walking into a supermarket would have meant a dozen security guards and a getaway car in less than five minutes. Glancing around the moderately quiet supermarket, he thanked the gods that no one here cared who he was.

"Let's just enjoy it while it lasts. Which reminds me, summer is around the corner, do you think we can travel and explore?"

"Let's go to Vegas," Lily declared her expression a bit too eager.

He could imagine her at the slots.

"Why can't we go to California, or even Florida, to the beach?"

"You need fun, Alexi. That means Vegas like the movies." Lily ruffled his hair as he picked up a carton of strawberries. "I'll even give you a weekend pass. You can misbehave all you want and I won't tell Peter."

He laughed because he knew exactly what she meant by misbehave. He was deciding which strawberries to pick when his phone beeped. Since he was holding packets of strawberries, he turned so that Lily could pull out his phone from the front pocket of his tight jeans. She answered the call and held it to his ear after a quick glance at the caller ID.

"Yeah," he answered his gaze on the strawberries.

He hated when the top ones looked good, only to find out when he was at home that the bottom ones were smashed and gooey.

"It's me." Alexi paused at the tone of Adrian's voice.

His heart slammed against his chest and he bit his lower lip to keep from sounding too eager. He opted for friendly and easy going.

"Are you at the house? We're shopping for groceries. Do you want anything?"

"No. I'm not at the house." Adrian's tone was too quiet.

Alexi put the strawberries back on the shelf and took the phone from Lily. Refusing to meet her questioning gaze, he walked away from her and the cart full of vegetables.

Adrian sighed on the other end.

"I don't think I can make it to dinner later. I thought I should call and let you know so that-"

"What's going on, Adrian?"

He rubbed his forehead, looking down the vegetable aisle with a frown. He'd been hoping that may be, just may be-,

"Where are you?"

"I'm busy with something right now. I'll be headed to L.A later and I-."

"Spare me."

Hanging up on Adrian, he curbed the urge to throw the cell phone down the aisle and bit his lip to keep from screaming. Why couldn't Adrian just commit for once? Shaking his head, he shoved the phone into his pocket.

What now, he wondered.

He had a cart full of vegetables, salmon steak at home in the cooler, this dinner had been for Adrian.

"Alexi?" Lily came up to him pushing the cart.

She'd chosen two packs of strawberries.

"Adrian is not coming."

She blinked at him and when she shrugged at his declaration, he lost it. Anger so hot flushed through him and he shook his fist at her.

"Do you know why he's acting like this? Do I have the plague? I was just going to cook dinner for him, for god's sake. What is wrong with that? What did I do?"

He breathed out fire and ran frustrated fingers through his hair. Kicking the cart with his flip-flops, he winced when his poor toes stung from the abuse.

"Now that you're done screaming down the supermarket, we need to hit up the alcoholic beverages aisle. I think that might be the only remedy here."

He pulled the cart away from her and pushed it to the side.

"There is no dinner, don't bother. We should just go home. I'm going to sleep through the day."

"Honey, have you forgotten you invited Mister Knight-in-shining-armor to dinner?" Lily moved to take back the cart. "I don't think you can cancel dinner. There is a slab of fish in the fridge and am not looking at it."

"Give it to him and tell him it's a gift."

Walking away from her, he went to the alcoholic beverages aisle, chose a bottle of white wine, and headed to the checkout line.

****

Five

I should go down to that office and talk to him, Alexi thought.

Tipping the bottle, he filled his glass with white wine, and then set the bottle down. He braced his hands on the table and stared into the clear liquid with a sigh. He should just quit hiding in this empty house and go down to Rosen Models to talk to Adrian.

They needed to talk.

He knew that.

Picking up the glass, his right hand trembling slightly, he sipped the wine. Getting off the stool, he paced around the island table, and rubbed his forehead.

He couldn't go down there.

Just remembering Adrian's cold voice on the phone scared him.

He was afraid to find out what he would find if he went down to those offices. He wanted more from Adrian, always had, but the fact that he couldn't seem to get it, what did that say about them?

Lily walked into the kitchen thirty minutes later carrying bags of groceries. She dumped them on the island table and stood glaring at him with a frazzled expression. Pointing at him with a midnight black long nail, she shook her head.

"You're such a pain in the ass. I had to get the doorman to help me with these bags. He is still getting the rest from the cab. How dare you leave me?"

"I told you to quit on the dinner."

"Well, too bad for you, I invited three more people, so you better get started cooking."

Pushing a bag that was threatening to tip over the table, she reached for the bottle of wine.

"And stop starting the party without me."

"Three more people?" he asked with a frown.

He felt ill at the thought of strangers seated at the dining table. Tossing the last of his wine back, he narrowed his gaze at Lily.

"Who did you call?"

"Well, I called Andy, he was with Ben, so they said they'd come together."

Andrew 'Andy' Johnson was a producer at Silver Studios and Ben Howard was a sound engineer. They were great people, and he hadn't had a chance to hang out with them socially the last two months.

"Who's the third person?" he asked with a sigh.

"Laura Steele."

Lily smiled at him and shrugged her slender shoulders when he raised a brow at their final guest. Laura was Lily's friend.

"She's in town for a couple of days. She wanted to see me later, but now that Adrian has bailed on dinner, I thought it would be better if I didn't leave you alone."

"I'm not a child to look after. Go out if you want, I told you dinner is canceled."

"If you're not a child, Alexi, shake it off, make dinner and entertain our guests. Be a grown up, and quit bashing your head against the same wall over and over."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Adrian is not the only whale in the sea. Open your bloody eyes and see that before you end up heartbroken all over again," she said with a little huff and headed to the elevator where the doors had just opened.

Bloody woman.

He got off the stool and walked slowly to the grocery bag that was threatening to tip over again. Picking it up, he reached in and pulled out a package of very gorgeous red succulent strawberries. Righting the bag so that it wouldn't fall, he moved to the cupboards above the counter top on the wall and got a bowl.

He'd been dreaming of a romantic dessert late in the night with Adrian. Seated on the thick carpet in the living room, right by the floor length windows watching the city night-lights..., he dumped the strawberries into the bowl and reached for the wine bottle again.

Dousing the strawberries with wine, he bit into one and smiled when the taste of strawberries and rich decadent wine burst in his mouth. Who needed Adrian to enjoy dessert?

He sighed, eyes closed as he swallowed the delicious fruit. He reached for another strawberry and was about to take a bite when someone cleared their throat.

Turning around fast, he gasped when he saw Joshua standing at the kitchen entrance with an amused expression on his too handsome face. He was carrying a bag of groceries and a bottle of red wine.

"Hi." Joshua smiled and Alexi's heart dropped at his feet. Gulping the strawberry in his mouth, he tried not to choke. "Lily told me to come right in she's gone to get more bags downstairs."

"What are you doing here? It's not six o'clock yet."

The moment the words came out, he berated his stupid brain for not remembering to welcome Joshua. Gosh, he'd forgotten how amazing those blue eyes were.

"I mean, it's-," he looked around the kitchen with a frown.

What in hell time was it? Didn't they own a clock?

"It's going on one o'clock." Joshua told him quietly, nodding to the microwave in the corner. "I called Lily to confirm dinner and she told me to come on over. I hope now is not a bad time."

Joshua walked into the kitchen, making it impossible to ignore his spectacular physique. He resembled a star quarterback. His body lovingly encased in a nice baby blue short-sleeved shirt that showed off toned arms and a sculpted chest. For a professor, Joshua looked remarkably fit, probably spent more than a few hours in the gym.

Refusing to meet the amazing eyes, Alexi took in wavy black hair, stubble on his strong jaw. It reminded him of a young Antonio Banderas, in his days as Zorro. Shaking his head at his thoughts, his gaze slid down to Joshua's narrow hips. A pair of light colored pants showed of his long legs and he was...barefoot?

"What happened to your shoes?" Alexi gaped at the sexy bare feet.

Blinking, he frowned at this attraction waging a strange battle through him. Feeling like he was betraying someone, he pushed it aside and looked away from the gorgeous feet.

Could feet be gorgeous? The wine was playing games with him.

"I mean, I hope-"

Joshua chuckled.

"They are in the hallway. The floors are so clean; I didn't want to track in from walking in the park."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, the closet is full of slippers or sandals. I'll go get them."

The thought of having Joshua walking around his house on bare feet was too intimate. He couldn't have that.

"It's alright. I don't mind being barefoot."

Joshua shrugged and put the bag on the island table making sure the wine bottle wouldn't fall. Joshua flashed him another smile making him wonder if his heart was going to be in a constant race.

"What's with all the grocery shopping?"

Alexi dragged his gaze away from the thoughts of a too comfortable Joshua standing in his kitchen to the brown bags on the table.

"Dinner, I needed some things."

"Are you cooking?" Joshua asked his eyes wide in surprise.

The reaction irritated him. A frown dancing on his forehead, he demanded.

"Who did you expect was cooking?"

"A chef," Joshua chuckled when he gaped. "You don't seem the type to cook."

He pointed to his hands and continued.

"Your fingers are too elegant and soft."

Glancing at his hands, Alexi found he was still holding a strawberry and dumped it into the bowl of strawberries and wine. Sliding the bowl into the sink, he turned his back to the sink counter.

"I,-uh-, was about to start," he waved at the bags.

"I don't mind helping." Joshua leaned on the island table and crossed his arms against his chest.

Those bloody electric blue eyes settled on him and he was suddenly an organism under a microscope. It made him squirm, which irritated him. Looking away from those eyes, he scratched his jaw.

"Welcome to our home. I forgot to say that."

"It's a beautiful home. Have you lived here long?"

"Not too long," Alexi's gaze returned to Joshua. He felt compelled to spell out the temporary nature of his stay in New York. "I'm only here for the next four months. Afterwards, I'll be leaving."

"Oh," Joshua said quietly, his tone tinged with disappointment but Alexi couldn't be sure. Especially when Joshua's devastating smile made a comeback with his next words. "Well, if that's the case, then I make it my duty to make sure you enjoy your stay here in New York."

"Aren't you teaching?"

"I'm on leave for the summer." Joshua shrugged. "I was going to hide out at my house and finish a manuscript I'm working on, but, showing you around sounds like more fun."

"Are you writing a novel, or is it one of those boring literature books?"

"Don't know about boring, but if you'd like, I'll let you read it sometime."

Pushing off the sink counter, Alexi moved to the brown bags and started unpacking them. Joshua watched him do it while he continued their conversation.

"What do you do?"

"I'm a music composer. I'm currently working on a project with Silver Studios. Once I've fulfilled the production aspects of the contract they gave me, I'll head back to Osaka."

"That's amazing," Joshua grabbed a brown bag and started helping to lay out the ingredients in the table. "I can see that the baby grand in the living room gets used. I'd love to hear you play sometime."

Taking the empty brown bags, Alexi threw them into the trashcan in the corner and was about to wash his hands when he looked down at the floor. Joshua's bare feet, while sexy, were going to need slippers if he was helping. He hurried out of the kitchen and went to the closet in the foyer. Taking a pair of leather indoor sandals, he carried them back to the kitchen and dropped them by Joshua. He was glad when the man put them on without a fuss.

They put things away, with Alexi quietly directing Joshua. Once that was finished, Alexi washed his hands at the sink careful to move the strawberries out of the way. He gave the strawberries a longing glance before he set about removing the salmon from the cooler, followed by the ingredients he would need for his recipe. He was busy rummaging in the pantry looking for olive oil when Lily returned.

"Has Alexi offered you something to drink?" Lily opened the fridge.

She glanced at him when he emerged from the pantry.

"Alexi, I see you've already put our guest to work. You should at least feed him."

Shaking his head when she reached in for orange juice, Alexi turned to Joshua and nodded to the fridge in invitation.

"There is no reason to be hungry, Joshua. Since you're already in the kitchen, feel at home."

Joshua nodded and turned to the sink to wash his hands. Alexi watched him give the bowl of strawberries on the counter a curious glance. Joshua looked up and their gazes met. Alexi turned away first his face suddenly so hot. Lily poured Joshua a glass of juice, slid it across the island table to him and perched on a stool.

"So, Joshua, who's wedding, did Alexi crash yesterday?"

"My baby sister," Joshua replied sipping his juice.

Alexi set out a tray of potatoes for him to skin and he got started on it right away.

"She and her husband are now in Hawaii enjoying a two-week honeymoon."

"That's sounds like fun. Would that be a place you'd choose to go on a short vacation or would you prefer Vegas?" Lily asked.

Alexi sighed at her probing questions and reached for the onions. Lily wrinkled her nose at him when he set them before her. He gave her a smirk as Joshua answered her question.

"It depends who I'm going with on this short vacation."

Joshua glanced at him and winked.

Their afternoon progressed in an easy pace of food preparation and heated debates between Lily and Joshua on all sorts of topics. Alexi acted as a mediator siding with Joshua most times because Lily could be a viper in a debate. He was busy chopping the salmon into smaller sizes when Lily's phone rang.

She excused herself after a glance at the caller ID and Joshua turned to him.

"She's tough. I feel like I've been undergoing an interview. Is she this way with all your potential boyfriends?"

Alexi dropped the knife before he could damage his fingers. Looking up, he found Joshua lounging on his stool, a wine glass between his fingers, his lips twitching into a smile. The sun light cast his dark hair into interesting shades that begged for fingers to tease them out. He looked tempting enough to be a potential boyfriend.

"Wait until you meet my mother." Alexi retaliated and picked up his knife again. "I'm really sorry you ended up working for your dinner like this. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"It's been an interesting afternoon. Being here is better than alone in my house."

"Are you originally from New York?"

"Yep, born and raised in Staten Island, by a single mother and a grandmother who had no qualms disciplining us. They gave us, me and my sisters, no choice when it came to excelling."

"Are you the oldest?" Alexi asked, putting pieces of salmon into a bowl ready for a short marinade.

"No. I have an older sister, Jenny; she's thirty-six now. She's married with two kids and living in Brooklyn. There is a gap of three years and then me. Alicia follows me with a gap of five years."

"So, that makes you thirty-three."

"That it does."

"What about your dad?" Alexi asked thinking of his own father and the fact that he needed to check in with him soon. If he forgot, he was liable to find his grandparents knocking at the door looking for him. They always did when his father called for a favor.

"My father died when Alicia was born," Joshua replied quietly his tone nostalgic.

"I'm sorry." He bit his lip at the thought of growing up without a father. "That must have been hard, losing him."

"It was, but we pulled through. Mom and grandma gave us a good life."

Heading back to the sink, Alexi paused, his gaze on his bowl of abandoned strawberries. Giving them a longing look, he was about to put them aside for later when Joshua swiped them away. He started to protest but then Joshua bit into a luscious strawberry. His eyes immediately fixating on Joshua's lips as his tongue darted out to lick the corner of his mouth to catch the excess wine. His breath hitched, heat rushing through him. Flustered by his arousal, he hit the tap harder than he'd intended to turn it on and plunged his hands under the cold water.

"These taste good. Do you want one?" Joshua asked holding out the bowl to him when he was done washing his hands.

"No, you have them."

He didn't want to test this newfound attraction to Joshua Randolph. He grabbed a hand towel and dried his hands fast. Putting distance between them, Alexi started grilling the salmon and baking potatoes for dinner. He was glad when Lily returned to pick up where she'd left off.

****

Dinner was fun and relaxing, Alexi thought hours later. Lily had saved the day after all. He sat at the head of the table watching Ben and Andy try to impress Lily. Laura, Lily's friend was in deep conversation with Joshua about a project that was taking place at NYU.

Joshua looked distinguished when he got intellectual. Joshua had his whole body turned to Laura, his gaze on her as she explained a point. His attention fully engaged as they talked.

Alexi wondered if Joshua did the same when they were talking.

Could he get Joshua to give him that same rapt attention?

"If you stare any harder, I'm going to have to clear the room for you two." Lily leaned over on his right to tell him. "Have some wine, breathe, and smile at Andy. He just said your ideas at the studio are amazing."

Doing as instructed, Alexi forced his attention away from Joshua and turned to talk to Andy and Ben who were enthusing over the film score. Grinning as they teased him for cooking so well, he looked up to find Joshua studying him just as intently.

The slow burn in his groin increased and he shifted in his seat slightly. He wondered what would happen if he gave in to that gaze.

****

Six

Joshua let himself into his quiet dark house at eleven o'clock at night. Heading to the kitchen, he turned on the light and went straight for the steel fridge. Alexi insisted on packing him leftovers saying that they, -Alexi and Lily-, couldn't finish them. Placing the plastic Ziploc container in the fridge, he grabbed a water bottle and closed the fridge.

Leaning on the wooden kitchen table, he drank thirstily from the bottle, his gaze moving critically over the kitchen. Herbs grew in colorful pots at the kitchen window seal. The cooking pots hanging on one side of the kitchen were colorful too, and bright.

Awfully Alicia, he thought with a sad smile. The kitchen had been her domain for the past five years. Now that she was gone, he was probably going to end up with take out and TV dinners. It wasn't as if he couldn't cook. He could. The thought of cooking for one though was depressing. He considered it a product of having never lived alone.

Reaching for a glass, he poured the rest of the water into it, and threw the empty bottle into the recycling bin. Switching out the lights, he went to his bedroom, walking in the dark with his glass of water.

He placed the glass on his bedside table and turned on the lights. Dropping his keys, wallet and cell phone beside the glass, he headed into the bathroom for a hot shower. As the hot water eased his tense shoulder muscles, he closed his eyes and Alexi filled his thoughts.

Alexi, he sighed.

After spending the afternoon in the younger man's company, he had no doubt that he was attracted to him. The memory of Alexi's lips wrapped around a strawberry sent licks of blazing desire through his body. It was so easy imagining those lips on him, taking him and surrounding him with their heat. Sliding his hand down to the base of his hardening erection, he wanted Alexi. Stroking his erection slowly, he wished Alexi felt the same.

Alexi had resisted all his attempts at flirting.

Joshua had tried through the afternoon to engage him. Apart from a few blushes and shy responses, Alexi had completely refused to play along. After dinner, Alexi had rushed into the kitchen to share out the leftovers among his guests. He'd offered to help, and while they'd been alone in the kitchen, he'd tried to ask Alexi out, all he'd gotten was a promise to think about it.

A gentle let down, he thought sullenly as he turned off the shower.

Stepping out of the stall, he grabbed a towel from the rack and ran it negligently over his body. He brushed his teeth and when he was done, he headed back into the bedroom. Crawling into the bed naked, he switched off the lights and drifted to sleep with thoughts of a smiling Alexi turning into dreams.

****

Monday morning found him in his office at the university going through student tests and logging grades into the system. His time off in the summer was starting in a week's time, which meant his workload was unimaginable. Before Alicia's wedding, he'd thought it a blessing that he'd be too busy to notice his house was empty, but now that he'd met Alexi, he felt a bit impatient. Staring at his cell phone intently, he wondered what Alexi would say if he were to call him right now. They'd exchanged numbers the night before.

Would Alexi even take his calls?

Maybe he was too busy at the studio. Alexi's workmates had teased him for being super involved in his music. Did that mean Alexi didn't take personal calls? Did it matter? What would he say anyway? Alexi had refused his offer to go out and see a live band playing at his favorite club.

Joshua frowned. Maybe he could try inviting Alexi to his house for dinner. That would mean shopping since his fridge was full of leftovers, bottles of water and TV dinners.

"You keep frowning like that and your age will start showing."

A friendly feminine voice interrupted his thoughts.

He smiled when he saw the dark haired woman standing at his door. Selina Malik was an English professor and a dear friend. Taking in her colorful skirt and the sleeveless green blouse she wore with an amulet enticingly between her breasts, he smiled. He liked to think Selina had been born into the wrong era. She would have fit right in to the sixties. She had a wild spirit that demanded freethinking and wild ideas, students loved her class.

"Selina, what's up?"

"Who is he?" Selina asked walking up to his desk to perch on the corner her eyes smiling at him. "I haven't seen you brooding this much in a while, Josh. I have to assume you've met someone."

"I think you spent too much time thinking about my love life." He leaned back in his seat to study her. "I heard you're going on a trip this summer."

She smiled her black ringlets bouncing around her. She waved her right hand at him showing off the gold rings on her fingers.

"I am taking some students to Rio. It will be a nice change from the usual back packing in Europe thing."

"Knowing you, you're going to learn a traditional dance and come and inflict it on me." Joshua shook his head; he still wasn't over her Indian phase. She'd forced him to eat roti, Indian flat bread, until he'd gotten sick of it. "Don't learn any new recipes."

"Well, I don't know if I'll even have the time. I have to deal with twenty students." Selina laughed when he gave her skeptical look. "I promise not to make you eat whatever I learn to make."

"Where have I heard that before?" Joshua shuddered.

"Anyway, it looks like you'll have more fun than me. The rumor mill is wild with big news."

"What big news?" Joshua asked.

He hadn't heard anything. He'd been so busy with Alicia's wedding and Tim's thesis presentation; he hadn't had time to connect with the university social calendar.

"Apparently, the music department is working on a deal to get Alexander Kotaru to mentor a summer program. The dean was talking about it on Saturday. He says Alexander's manager was here for a short meeting."

"You're kidding."

He blinked. He'd once gotten the privilege of hearing Alexander Kotaru play when he'd been in Japan. The man was a genius at composition, and when he sat down to play on the piano, it always felt like a lesson in exquisite melody.

"How did they get such a giant?"

"He's staying in New York for the summer. Rumor is that he's working with a studio to write a film score, but who knows."

"Really," he frowned, could Alexi be-..., he shook his head in denial.

His short glimpse of Alexander Kotaru made him sure that the man had black hair. Lily would have said something; she didn't seem the type to keep secrets. Besides, Alexi was so friendly, a heavy hitter like Alexander Kotaru wouldn't act so down to earth.

"Well, that will be nice for the kids. Are you sure they can convince him?"

"That's why I'm here. Tony from music asked if he could stop by and have a talk with you. He heard you know Japanese; he could use a few pointers. You never know, Alexander might not know English. They are meeting with him on Wednesday."

"I'd be glad to help. I'll email Tony."

His phone buzzed and he stared at the caller ID with a sigh. Selina got off the desk and scratched the top of his head messing up his hair.

"Meet me for lunch. I want to know about that brooding frown I found on you."

She hurried off leaving him alone to face his past mistakes.

Answering the call, he closed his eyes as his ex-wife greeted him with a demand.

"Are you going home this summer?"

"Why," he asked confused.

He hated thinking about his ex-wife because she represented so much of what he'd hated about himself for a long time.

"I'm taking Shane to see my mother and I don't want to run into you. He might want to stop at your mother's place and it will be easier if you're not there."

"Would it?" he asked bitterly.

He still hadn't forgiven her. That old bitter anger still ate at him and he wished he could let it go.

"Sherry, does it really matter if Shane talks to me? I lived as his father for five years. You know how much I love him."

"I don't think you have any right to talk to me about love. Please just answer my question, are you going home for the summer, if so, when and how long?"

Her tone was sharp, condescending. He wondered what gave her the right to be so angry when she'd lied to him first.

"I'm not going home. I have a few things to do."

"Good. I'll call to tell you when I'm going in any case so that you'll know to stay away."

She hung up right away without a goodbye or a how have you been. He sighed and dropped the phone on the desk. Bracing his elbows on top of the papers on his desk, he closed his eyes.

He wished he could lay all the blame on her but he couldn't. He'd been deep in the closet for so long, that when the girl he'd supposedly been dating through college got pregnant, the situation had spiraled out of control. In his mother's house, girls didn't get pregnant by themselves. She'd expected he do right by Sherry and marry her.

He'd been twenty-three years old, working his way through graduate school. Sherry had just finished her third year of college when she got pregnant. Their parents had insisted on a wedding. He'd agreed to it thinking the child was his. She'd insisted the child was his. Knowing that he couldn't ignore his kid, he'd married her and resigned himself to his fate.

Things had turned awkward quickly. Juggling work, a child, and school hadn't been easy for them. Their non-existent love life put a strain on their relationship. By the time Shane turned five years old, they'd both been at their limit. Shane got anemic that year and ended up in hospital. The doctor had insisted on testing him and Sherry so that they could donate blood. It had been a bitter surprise to find that he wasn't Shane's father. He didn't like to think about the uproar in the Randolph house. His sisters and his mother all up in arms when he'd decided enough was enough. A shudder ran through him at the memory.

Wiping a hand down his face, he stood up and abandoned the papers on his desk. Taking his keys, he locked his office and headed toward the music department. He could use the fresh air and talking to Tony seemed more appealing than grades.

He didn't regret his decisions that year, he thought as he walked out into the sunny day. He'd felt relieved to be free of Sherry. Telling her he was gay had freed his soul but it had also felt like he was betraying Shane.

Sweet innocent Shane who'd just needed a loving father. It hurt that Sherry had decided the best way to punish him for his decision was to refuse him any rights to Shane.

Shane was ten now. He hadn't seen the kid in four years but he couldn't help wondering. What would it be like to be Shane's father? Damn Sherry for forcing him away the way she had. Now all he had was an empty house and a long summer working away at a manuscript he'd been banging at for months.

As he walked toward the music department, he decided that he had to call Alexi later. One way or another, he was going to get his date.

*****

Alexi paced the length of the room, his gaze fixed on his phone instead of the piano in the middle of the live room. Adrian's face smiled at him on the screen and his thumb swept over the top of it delicately threatening to press the call button. It was already eleven o'clock. He'd barely gotten any work done. He was supposed to be laying down a track on music they'd approved last week but he couldn't concentrate. His thoughts lingering on the fact that Adrian hadn't called him at all.

He'd spent the entire night tossing and turning with thoughts of making love with Adrian, fighting and screaming at each other the next day then making up. Those days, Adrian had inspired his music on a level he couldn't define. When he'd come out to his grandparents, Adrian had held his hand tightly as they stood before his straight-laced grandfather and his overly judgmental grandmother. He'd been so terrified, if it weren't for Adrian holding his hand he might have melted into the carpet. It didn't help that his most significant memories in the past ten years all included Adrian. He needed to fix this rift between them no matter what.

Digging fingers through his hair, a sigh escaped and he shoved his phone back into his pocket. Leaving the live room, he found Andy in the break room making a sandwich.

"Do you want one?" Andy asked with a wide smile.

"No, thanks, I'm going out. Will you tell everyone I'll be back?"

"Is everything alright?" Andy paused in the act of slicing the sandwich to stare at him.

Giving Andy a slight smile, Alexi nodded.

"Yeah, I just want to sort something out."

He hurried out of the break room reaching into his pocket for his wallet. Giving it a cursory glance, a slight frown danced on his forehead when he noted he was missing a card.

He had two, one from his mother, and another from his own accounts. The Palladium card from his accounts was missing. He'd probably given it to Lily. Checking that he had enough cash, he left the studio and hailed a cab to Park Avenue, where the Rosen Model Agency offices were.

He'd never been, he suddenly realized ten minutes later when he got out of the cab. Lily had told him the offices were on the fifth floor of the high-rise building but he'd never shown up. He walked into the building with his hands in his pockets nervous energy flowing through him on his way to the elevator. When the doors opened on the fifth floor, he stepped into the muted reception with his heart pounding. It was hard to miss the embossed label in red on the wall behind the receptionist desk. He was definitely in the right place. The young woman who smiled at him couldn't have been older than twenty-two. She was model skinny, her make-up done to perfection. She probably hoped to be a model herself. She greeted him cheerfully and asked him if he had an appointment.

"No, I don't. I'm here to see Adrian Rosen. My name is Alexi, I'm his best friend."

"Oh, of course," she nodded. "He's in a meeting right now. You can wait for him in his office."

When he looked down the hall she was pointing at in confusion, she got up.

"I'll show you where that is."

She led him to Adrian's office, a brightly lit corner space that boasted large wide windows. A photo of Adrian graced one side of the room. Walking around the blue lounge chairs that made up a sitting area, he stopped before the large photo and stared at a younger Adrian. The Adrian he remembered smiled back at him, green eyes sparkling, a secretive smile on those lips. Those days Adrian had kept his hair long and blond.

"Are you reminiscing?" Adrian asked startling him out of his revelry.

Alexi stared at the Adrian standing before him in a neat black suit with white shirt. His short hair cut into a corporate style. He was hardly the model with the green sparkling eyes now.

"I hope I'm not interrupting." Alexi waved at the mahogany desk by the windows and the papers loading it. "You must be busy."

"You're not interrupting." Adrian walked to the desk and put down the files he was holding with a sigh. He loosened his tie and leaned on the desk to look at him. "You look good, ready for the sun."

Alexi's gaze dropped to his light white jacket, matching v-neck t-shirt and the light blue fitted slacks he had. His feet were in comfortable leather sandals, he was still surprised Lily had let him walk out in them. His hair was growing again, so he'd pulled it back into a stubby ponytail.

Feeling like he was talking to a stranger, he looked around the office trying to find something to connect with the man leaning on the desk. When he couldn't find anything, he sighed and sank into the blue couch closest to him.

Glancing at Adrian, he shook his head. "I swear when I left the studio I had a valid reason for showing up here. I just can't remember it right now."

"I'm sorry for missing dinner last night." Adrian pushed off the desk and came to sit beside him. "You have to believe that, Alexi."

"I was very angry with you until a moment ago," Alexi confessed with a sigh.

His anger had actually evaporated last night, but Adrian didn't need to know that. After talking with Joshua, Andy, and Ben until ten o'clock at night, he'd finally concluded that he might have been overreacting with Adrian. They were friends now. Kissing friends, but friends nevertheless, he had no right to be angry.

Turning on the couch so that he could look at Adrian, Alexi reached out and took Adrian's left hand.
"I'm impressed with your business. Your offices look amazing. How many models are you managing at the moment?"

Adrian's eyes brightened slightly, his fingers tangling with Alexi's as he answered. "We're managing twenty models right now. Two of the girls are on their way to being super models."

"That's great," Alexi said, genuinely happy to hear that his friend was succeeding in his chosen industry.

"There are challenges, but we manage." Adrian leaned back on the couch. "Alexi, I know it hasn't been easy between us lately. And, after what happened on Saturday-"

"It's forgotten." He didn't want to hear Adrian say that kiss had been a mistake. He could take anything else but that. "We're friends right. There is nothing to worry about."

"Alexi." Adrian sighed. "I don't ever want you to think I hate you. You're important to me. I have a solution to fix our not spending time together. What do you say we do a project together?"

"Project," Alexi frowned. "What kind of project? You know I hate getting my pictures taken, Adrian."

"I know but Rosen Models is planning a gala to entice investors. If we had you on board, maybe have a short concert-"

"Oh no, Adrian, I don't think I can."

He pulled his hand away from Adrian as memories of standing at the entrance to a brightly lit stage filled his mind. The audience had clapped in encouragement, but for reasons he still didn't know, his feet had remained firmly rooted to the ground. Unable to walk to the white grand piano set on the stage. A short sigh escaped and he stood up, his hands back in his pocket.

"I still have stage fright."

"It won't be a large audience." Adrian urged. "Just a small concert, you'll play one or two pieces for our guests. Alexi, I really need this."

"This is New York, Adrian. Invite the dozens of musicians living here. They would buy you a larger audience and wider publicity than me."

"The publicity and audience is not the problem." Adrian sighed and pulled off his tie, folding it neatly. He leaned forward his expression grave as he continued. "I need serious investors, Alexi, people with weight who have the ability to open international doors for the agency. The business needs this. We're having financial issues."

"Is that why you're so busy with work?"

"Partly, my business partner in L.A has made some losses. If I don't get solid investors, we'll be in trouble. Your name alone is weight enough to pull in serious investors. I know you don't think about it, but Kotaru Industries is important in the business world. Your being Alexander Kotaru would bring serious investors to the gala."

"Are you asking me for help with your business, Adrian?" Alexi asked in shock.

"I am." Adrian met his gaze. "You're the only one I can lean on, Alexi. Will you do it?"

****

Seven

After leaving Adrian's office, Alexi didn't feel like returning to the studio. The thought of the promise he'd given Adrian weighed on him. He was just beginning to get used to being comfortable in his own skin. Walking aimlessly down Park Avenue, he wondered what kind of embarrassment he'd just set himself up for.

His stomach rumbled and he glanced at his watch. It was already one o'clock. Lunch sounded good, but he hated eating alone. Calling Lily was going to earn him a lecture on work ethics, and a possible fight for what he'd agreed on with Adrian. He didn't need that right now. Getting his phone, he scrolled through his contacts and paused when he saw Joshua's number.

On a complete impulse, he dialed and waited for Joshua to answer. Joshua answered on the second ring.

"Hello."

"Are you free for lunch?"

Joshua chuckled on the other side. The sound startling and very relaxed, he sounded cheerful.

"You know, the standard response to hello is, 'Hi, this is so and so...'"

"It's Alexi." He walked to the curb to hail a cab. "Are you free or not?"

"Where is lunch?"

"Nobu Fifty-Seven," he replied as a cab stopped and he entered. Giving the address to the cab driver, he waited for Joshua's answer.

"It might take me about fifteen minutes."

"I'll be waiting." He hung up and let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He shoved his phone into his pocket with a small smile and met the cab driver's curious gaze. "What?"

"Hot lunch date," the cabbie asked.

"Not really." He shrugged.

"You look excited enough."

Did he? He frowned looking out the window. He would have imagined seeing Adrian would get him more excited. Instead, he'd left the model agency feeling anxious and disturbed. All their baggage was exhausting him. He needed a break, and Joshua's company was safe. He didn't need to fight and be careful with Joshua.

It took him twenty-two minutes to get to the restaurant. He got a table and was reading through the menu when Joshua showed up looking gorgeous in a white shirt that was over a light gray t-shirt. Joshua was in khaki shorts that showed off legs dusted with dark hair, his feet in white converse shoes without socks. Glancing up from his inspection, Alexi blushed when he found Joshua smiling at him.

"You look good too." Joshua pulled out a seat and sat across him. "I've always wanted to get in here."

A waiter brought Joshua a menu and Alexi waited as he read it.

"What's good?"

"Chef's special," Alexi answered closing his menu and putting it on the table. "I hope I didn't interrupt your work. I called because I didn't want to eat alone."

Joshua put his menu on top of Alexi's and folded his arms on the table.

"No, you didn't interrupt. I'll have what you're having. I hope the food is good, I trust your judgment."

"What if it's something you don't like?"

"Then you'll owe me."

Those electric blue eyes met his and Alexi wondered at how familiar they seemed.

"What's wrong? You look worried. Did you have a tough day at the studio?"

He had barely done anything at the studio this morning.

"I don't want to talk about that. Why don't you tell me what you've been up to instead? Were you at the university?"

"I'm running away from logging grades." Joshua smiled and leaned back in his seat when their waiter brought drinks. "I have to ask you something, and you don't have to tell me, but I'm really curious."

Alexi smiled. "What?"

"Are you Alexander Kotaru?" Joshua asked carefully.

A dip in his stomach, and he looked around as if the mere mention of the name would alert the masses. When no one turned to point, or whisper, he sighed and met inquiring gorgeous eyes.

"Why do you want to know?" he asked curious as to how Joshua knew his name.

"The music department is going to be doing a summer program with Alexander. If you were Alexander, it would be my pleasure to help with the project. Help ease your way with the students." Joshua sipped his apple juice and shrugged. "If you're not Alexander, then forget it. I was just asking."

Oh, yes, he'd almost forgotten. The meeting Peter had sent Lily to at NYU. She'd mentioned it in passing, and it had quickly slipped his mind. He was really going to get it later, he thought with a frown. A gala on top of a free summer project, and his work with the studio, this really wasn't going to be time to rest.

Glancing at Joshua, he shrugged.

"I am Alexander Kotaru. I prefer Alexi with my friends and family."

"I knew it." Joshua's answer came in an excited tone that had him blushing. "I wasn't sure, but when I went to see the music department head today and he started talking about Lily, I suspected. You are amazing, do you know that?"

"Thank you," he replied in surprise. Joshua was a man of many facets. Leaning forward, Alexi asked, "How do you know my music?"

"I lived in Kyoto for a while on a research expedition. I went to one of your concerts. Those days you had black hair, you wore it a bit longer. The concert was mind blowing."

Joshua held out his arms in excitement, his eyes sparkling with joy, mixed in with awe and astonishment. His reaction stunned and enchanted at the same time, it was hard not to smile.

"I should have known when I saw the grand piano at your house."

"Tell me about this program," Alexi said quietly.

Glancing around to make sure that his identity was only obvious to the man seated across him. His hand trembled as he picked up his glass of biter mango and took a short sip. His brain was starting to feel a bit overloaded.

"Did you arrange it?"

"No, but-, Alexi, you look peaked. Are you alright?" Joshua reached out to steady his hand as he put his glass down.

Warm hands enveloped his and the trembling stopped. He stared down at the larger hand holding his left hand.

"I'm fine, just hungry."

Joshua glanced around the dining room and was glad to see their waiter coming their way.

"We can talk about something else if you like."

Alexi sipped his drink and shrugged.

"Tell me about you, Joshua. Did you always want to be a professor?"

"I did, partly because of my father; second, I love research and academics. It felt like the route to go."

"Did you say you teach Eastern literature?"

"I do. When I was in college, my professor insisted we take a trip to India, Singapore, Seoul, and Kyoto. There is so much color and history in Asia; it was easy to fall in love. I discover new things each time I do research, and teaching younger minds about it is exciting."

Alexi found he couldn't help the smile as Joshua talked about his work. He was so passionate; it was hard not to see that he loved his job.

"What is your favorite Asian city then?"

"I can't really say. Bangkok was fun. I had a ride on an elephant there; the experience was a mix of terror and excitement."

Alexi laughed at the thought of Joshua on top of a mighty elephant.

"I would love to see that."

"It was a spectacle." Joshua shook his head. "In India, our professor got us into a festival. The food is rich and sweet. I loved it but my stomach betrayed me through it all. Truthfully, my favorite time was in Kyoto, which is why I returned there years later. There is this festival where there are demons that scare children to tears. I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the kids."

Alexi laughed remembering his mother holding him up to the demon dancers at the wakamatsuri festival when he'd been very young.

"Tradition says that a child who cries and screams because of the demons will grow up healthy. The scariest demon in the festival shakes this huge clanking box hard, and kids just scream out their fear. He rewards them with sweets. How about that for parental control, 'be good or the monsters will get you', they use it against you for years."

"Did you cry?" Joshua asked as their waiter finished laying out their food. Alexi picked his chopsticks and smiled when Joshua did the same with ease. "Well?"

"I did." Alexi confessed with a grin. "I was very terrified of the masks. I thought the world was ending for sure."

"I would love to see a picture." Joshua glanced at their food with anticipation. "So, what are we eating? You seem to like seafood. I'll have to change your mind about meat."

"This is rock shrimp tempura with creamy spicy sauce. It's very good. Can you cook?"

"I can. Since I came for dinner at your place, that means you have to come to my place now." Joshua took a bite of his shrimp and chewed with relish. "I make a mean barbecue. I was actually going to call you later for dinner, you beat me to it."

"Sounds like fun."

It was certainly better than an evening spent trying to explain to Lily why he was helping Adrian. Even worse, trying to figure out how he was going to perform for an audience. Shaking off the worrying thoughts, he reached for his drink.

"Tell me about your sisters. I just realized you grew up in a house full of women. That must have been fun. It would have been easy to come out to them."

Joshua paused a moment before he continued. "It should have been easy, but it wasn't. I made a few mistakes."

Alexi put his drink down and reached to touch Joshua's hand. "Everybody makes mistakes, Joshua. It's part of life. You move on and do the best you can."

Joshua glanced at his hand turning it so that their fingers tangled.

"It looks like we're adding wisdom to your repertoire."

Alexi shrugged.

"I'm not wise, just socially challenged. I spend a lot of time in my head."

"Why are you staying in New York? Shouldn't you be on tour or in a studio recording your new album? What's your story?"

"My life's an open book. Google me," Alexi replied with a laugh.

"I don't want to read about Alexander Kotaru. I want to hear about Alexi from you. When did you know you wanted to play piano?" Joshua asked, his tone a gentle inquisition.

Unable to resist, Alexi answered him with a fond smile.

"I was eight when my mother bought me my first piano. She encouraged my music, unlike my father. He would have liked it if I had spent more time on my math. He wanted both his sons to run the family business."

"Was he disappointed when you chose not to?"

"He wasn't happy, but he didn't forbid it. It's the biggest reason why my mother and I have a strong bond. She talks my dad down when he gets impossible."

"What about your brother? Does he support your music?"

"Phillip is a rock. I don't know what I would do without him. He's the kind of big brother I think you are to Alicia."

"What kind of big brother is that?"

"Over protective, strong, supportive, annoying when they choose the most inopportune moments to interrupt situations. You know what I'm talking about."

"That's a very long list." Joshua chuckled and sipped his drink. "I think I like your brother then. Do they accept your boyfriends?"

"If you're asking me if I came out to them, then the answer is yes. I did it when I turned eighteen with my first love. He made me feel invincible."

***

Joshua didn't like the sound of that. Alexi's voice had softened at the mention of his first love.

"Are you two still dating?"

"We broke up last year. Now, we're just friends." Alexi stared into his glass his expression unreadable.

It was obvious there was still something going on between the two. Probably the reason why Alexi was so closed off to any advances on his part. Joshua steered the conversation away from relationships, mostly because he didn't want to see that expression on Alexi's handsome face again. It made him jealous.

They were talking about the best clubs to go to for live music in the city when Alexi's phone interrupted them. He watched Alexi get his phone and glance at the caller ID with a slight wince.

"It's Lily, excuse me for a moment," Alexi said answering the call.

Joshua met frowning brown eyes, not missing the wince on Alexi's face as he listened to his caller. A minute later, Alexi ended the call with a sigh.

"I think I have to go now. Lily just found out about something I did this morning. She won't be happy if I ignore her longer."

Glancing at his watch, Alexi's mouth formed an 'o'.

"Look at that, it's already two- thirty. No wonder she's so upset. We've talked into the afternoon. You're bad for me, Joshua."

"Not so bad, you actually ate something. You didn't eat much of the dinner you made last night."

Alexi waved their waiter over and handed him a black Amex card. Getting up, Alexi excused himself and headed for the men's room. Left alone at the table, Joshua let out a shaky breath and sat back in his seat staring at the empty one across him. He couldn't remember feeling so alive. He wished they had more time.

He wanted more time.

The waiter returned with Alexi's card and the paid bill just as Alexi appeared looking refreshed.

When he got to the table, Alexi took his card.

"Are you going back to logging grades?"

"Yes, I really must get that done soon."

Getting to his feet, Joshua stretched a bit and followed Alexi out of the restaurant. Alexi sunk his hands into his pockets, and looked around the street before turning to look at him.

"Thank you for meeting me. Lunch was lovely. I really hate eating alone."

"I want to see you again," Joshua said, deciding to plunge into the deep end. "I'll make you dinner tonight. We can go out later and see if we can find a good Jazz place."

"I can't." Alexi looked away with a small shake of his head. "Not tonight anyway, I have something to deal with. How about, I call you tomorrow."

Disappointed, Joshua sighed. "I suppose I can wait that long."

Alexi chuckled and held out his right hand.

"I'll see you later, Joshua."

Joshua squeezed slender fingers, and when they slipped away from his, he waved good-bye and watched Alexi walk away. He couldn't help the little bounce in his step as he turned to head in the opposite direction.

****

Lily paced the living room feeling as if her head might explode. Alexi's accountant was driving her insane.

More so than usual, she thought.

It worried her because his current concerns were legitimate. Managing Alexi's financial health was his job and if he thought something was amiss, she had no doubt.

Pausing by the floor length living room windows, Lily tapped a green nail on the glass and tried to think back.

They had been in New York for two months now. This was the first week of their third month. Any purchases she'd done with Alexi's expense account were to supplement his wardrobe, gym equipment and their living expenses. Silver Studios handled the utilities concerning the penthouse. She hadn't needed to use Alexi's personal cards at all. She'd submitted their monthly financial reports to the accountant, so what had him so worried?

The Centurion card was limited to Alexi, because his mother had gotten it for him, making sure it had no other authorized users. The Palladium on the other hand, she closed her eyes as a sick feeling flooded her. Alexi had gotten the Palladium card. She didn't know whether he'd put in the option of another user but surely, even if he had, why would the charges on it alarm the accountant?

"I'm home." Alexi called into the room.

He strolled into the living room with a sigh, coming to stand beside her. He snaked an arm around her waist and stared out the window.

"I'm sorry I left the studio without telling you."

"You should have told me you were planning to go visit Adrian."

Pushing money concerns away, she frowned as she remembered the other reason why her head was throbbing.

"I want to beat you right now. Adrian manipulated you into this."

"He did no such thing. I think it's a good cause. Besides, all I have to do is play. It's no big deal."

"Tell that to someone who hasn't seen you fall apart at the thought of playing for an audience." Moving away from him, she ran a hand through her hair. "Why didn't you wait to give him your answer until you'd talked to me?"

"He's my best friend, Lily. I'd like to think that I can make things easier for him without needing your approval."

"You can't refuse him anything."

She couldn't help the bitterness in her tone as she said those words. Lord, she was really starting to hate Adrian's guts. She'd tried to explain to him why Alexi had come to New York.

Didn't he even care anymore?

"Lily, please don't make this difficult. How about a compromise, I'll do the NYU thing without complaint and you'll let me help Adrian with the fund-raising gala. It's for his business, Lily."

"Do you hear yourself?" she snapped hating that pleading tone in his voice. "You don't see it, but I do, Alexi. That need you have to please Adrian is going to be the end of you. He should support you, but instead, here you are supporting him, again. Have you told him about your breakdown backstage?"

"That's my business," Alexi said quietly. "It was a short moment of weakness and I'm over it. Don't worry."

She threw her arms up in exasperation. Bloody idiot was liable to end up hooked up to a machine because he'd given both his kidneys to Adrian. She didn't know what Alexi needed to stop this destructive cycle. She wiped a hand down her face and decided to let this go for now.

"Lily." Alexi took a step toward her and she held up a hand to stop him.

"I think I need time to think before you start apologizing. I'm not punishing you when I tell you to look out for yourself. Adrian might be your friend, Alexi, but you come first. You have issues you're not dealing with and this thing with Adrian is not helping you at all."

"Maybe my issues can only be solved by helping Adrian," Alexi said defiantly.

"We'll have to see. Do you have both your credit cards? Check your wallet for me."

Alexi frowned and the sick feeling she had inside grew. "Actually, I was going to ask you about that. Do you have my palladium?"

"No, I've been using the expense account Peter and I set up for this trip. Come on, let's check your room."

Leading the way to the master bedroom, Alexi pulled off his jacket and threw it on the king size bed. Lily walked to the large vanity table across his bed. Sifting through the neatly arranged hair and skin products, she pulled the top drawer and stared at the business cards Alexi dumped in there when he received them from acquaintances.

"I changed my wallet at some point last month, let me check it." Alexi disappeared into the walk in closet.

Lily picked up a black notebook Alexi had sitting on the bottom of the drawer.

She opened the notebook and stared at the picture wedged on the first page. It was a very intimate picture, taken two or three years ago. Alexi and Adrian lay in bed sharing a pillow. Adrian's hand held out as if he'd been the one taking the picture. Adrian was smiling into the camera, his head propped on a hand, while Alexi was looking at Adrian, his brown eyes revealing. He was clearly in love with Adrian.

"Lily, I found the wallet but the card is not there. I think it's lost. I'll call the accountant and tell him to deal with it."

Closing the notebook, Lily shoved it back into the drawer and slammed it closed. Clearing her throat, she turned to find Alexi holding up his wallet with a puzzled look on his face. Walking toward him, she pulled him into a hug and patted his back.

"I'll call Stephen. He likes to bust my chops. I'll give him a work out. Don't worry, Alexi, I'll handle this."

Alexi returned the hug, his arms going around her waist; he laid his chin on her shoulder.

"I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you, Lily, you know that right?"

"I know." She closed her eyes at the pain waiting to happen here.

"I had lunch with Joshua. It was very nice. We talked until two-thirty this afternoon. He wants to make me dinner. What do you think? He makes a pretty interesting friend."

Lily pulled back and patted his jaw. She didn't think Joshua would define himself as a friend. She'd caught him watching Alexi more than once, and what she'd seen in his pretty blue eyes was akin to lust. Alexi was blind sometimes.

"I think you should go have some fun, Alexi. I'm going to take a short nap before I call your accountant."

"Alright, I'll call Joshua then. Do you want me to make you something before I leave?"

"No, Laura is still in town. We'll go out for some food later."

Squeezing his arm to reassure him, she escaped the bedroom in quick strides. Closing the door, she held on to the handle as she suddenly realized that Adrian might have a deeper hold on Alexi than she'd imagined.

****

Eight

Joshua hurried from his bedroom, his hair dark hair barely dry. He adjusted his light green t-shirt. His thoughts centered on the progress of the dinner he was making. He'd rushed home after the call from Alexi at four-thirty. That call had prompted a stop for groceries needed for dinner. He walked into the kitchen and went straight for the oven. He'd left the chicken to bake for the duration of his shower. A quick peek into the oven assured him he still had a few minutes to wait.

Happy that he hadn't ruined dinner yet, he pulled out serving bowls from the cupboard to hold the wild rice and salad. He had set the dining table earlier in his excitement. Ever since Alicia and Tim had left, he rarely used the round table. When he did, it was to grade papers, or dump books. He'd experienced an odd pleasure just setting it for dinner. He had just finished putting the rice in a bowl when the doorbell rang.

He added punctuality to Alexi's repertoire, as he glanced at his watch. It was six thirty on the dot. He set the platter of chicken on the kitchen counter, and went to open the door.

Alexi stood on his doorstep holding a bottle of wine. His slender, lean body in an ivory long sleeve Henley top and black slim-fit pants. His feet encased in black belted clogs. He looked good enough to eat.

Joshua fought the urge to pull Alexi into a hug right then. It was strange how happy he was to see the musician standing there.

"I hope I'm not too early," Alexi said shyly.

A breeze ruffled brown hair into Alexi's face and Joshua reached out to push the soft strands away from his eyes. His fingers lingered over Alexi's forehead for a moment before they fell away. Color flushed on Alexi's cheeks making Joshua smile.

He took a step back to allow Alexi into the house.

"You're on time. Come in, come in."

Alexi entered the short hall, stopping to wait for him to close the door. Joshua took the bottle of wine when Alexi held it out and led the way toward the kitchen.

"I'm baking the chicken right now. I hope you don't mind waiting a bit."

"I don't mind."

Alexi gasped in awe when they entered in the kitchen.

"You have a gorgeous kitchen. Are those herbs?"

Alexi hurried over to the windowsill by the kitchen sink. Joshua found an ice bucket and filled it with ice. He put the bottle of wine in the ice and turned to find Alexi smelling the potted plants by the kitchen sink. Alexi picked each pot, taking in a deep breath then replaced the pot back on the windowsill with a smile. The waning sunlight rays coming through the window danced on Alexi's hair and his olive skin, beautiful!

Alexi looked up and Joshua jerked his gaze to the covered bowls on the table guiltily.

"We use them for cooking sometimes." Joshua offered the fact with a husky voice. He cleared his throat and picked up the bowl of rice. "It's a bigger kitchen than most. When the townhouse turned into triplexes, the first floor got a larger kitchen than the ones upstairs. I'll give you a tour after dinner. Will you take the salad bowl?"

"Sure." Alexi put back the mint plant and started the water. He washed his hands and wiped them on a dishtowel hanging beside the sink. He picked up the green bowl of chopped lettuce and followed Joshua to the dining room.

"Did you grow the herbs? You don't seem the type to do that?"

"Oh, really, what type do I seem to you?" Joshua asked as he placed his bowl of wild rice in the middle of the table.

Alexi followed suit, glancing around the lavender painted dining room.

"I don't know. You don't seem like you'd do any sort of gardening. The herbs need water by the way."

Joshua laughed at the observation.

"Alicia bought them. She redid the kitchen as well some three summers ago. She took care of the kitchen while she lived here."

"She's a woman with a vision, your sister. I'd love to meet her. It's too bad I couldn't stay for her wedding."

"I think you two would get along."

Joshua led the way back to the kitchen. He poured Alexi a glass of orange juice and urged him to perch on a stool at the kitchen table. Grabbing an oven mitt, he opened the oven door to check the chicken.

"Did you always live here?" Alexi asked.

"I moved in around five years ago. A friend of mine who was moving away recommended it. I was going through a major change, and thought it was a good place to start a fresh."

"Start a fresh?" Alexi asked.

"Unlike you, Alexi, I didn't have the courage to tell my family I'm gay when I first found out. I've only been out for five years now."

He turned the chicken before he risked a glance to gauge Alexi's reaction. Alexi sat on the stool with one leg folded under him. His gaze fixed on Joshua expectantly.

"What made you change your mind about telling your family?"

"I got tired of lying. At some point things fell apart and I had to quit lying to everyone I loved and allow nature to take its course."

"Sounds reasonable, more important, you survived coming out, didn't you." Alexi smiled at him and Joshua fell in love. "Check the chicken, Joshua. I'm starving."

He chuckled amused at how easy it was to talk to Alexi. He feared the younger man might know what brand of underwear he preferred by the end of the night. He rescued the chicken and forced his concentration on getting dinner on the table after that.

"Food looks good." Alexi praised when they sat down at the table to eat. He picked up his napkin and placed it on his lap. "What is it?"

"It's chicken margarita. My mother taught me the recipe because it's very easy to make." He uncorked the bottle and poured wine into Alexi's glass. "We all had to learn to cook at home."

"You grew up in a very industrious home." Alexi complimented thanking him for the wine. "Ours was ruled by obligations to the family and what it meant to be a Kotaru. It can be very exhausting stuff. What you told me earlier about coming out, will you tell me about it, if you don't mind that is."

Joshua cut into his chicken and took a bite savoring the burst of colorful spices that filled his mouth. Looking up, he was glad to find Alexi enjoying his meal as well.

"What do you want to know?" he asked.

"Why did it take so long to tell your family you were gay?"

Thinking back to those days, he didn't know why he'd kept it a secret.

"My mother is big on responsibility. She expected the best from her kids, socially, academically; we always had to do better. When I turned seventeen, I was playing football, dating a girl I met in third grade. Everything was golden, until this boy named Nathan transferred into our school. I really liked him, and it was such a guilty pleasure, I couldn't resist."

"Is that when you found out you liked boys?" Alexi teased in a light tone.

Smiling, Joshua shrugged.

"I suspected it once or twice before but I didn't acknowledge it until Nathan. We had a hot torrid affair behind my girlfriend's back. Nathan got emotionally involved and I couldn't give him what he wanted. I broke his heart."

"He wanted you to dump the girl and be with him."

"I couldn't do it." Joshua confessed guiltily.

Nathan, wherever he was, probably hated him more than his ex-wife did. The last time he'd seen Nathan they'd both been in high school.

"I was scared of what people thought. Since I was graduating that year, I figured I didn't have to deal with it then."

"What happened after high school graduation?"

"I went to college, got to know this girl, Sherry. She was a girl I knew from home, her parents asked me to look out for her at college. I did. On summer vacations, we ended up going home together. My mother assumed we were dating. In truth, I was working on finding courage to tell my family I'm gay. I had found a group of friends at school who were supportive and at one point I almost came out."

Sipping his wine, Alexi leaned back in his chair. A strangely curious frown dancing on his smooth forehead, Joshua felt compelled to reach over and smooth it out. Piercing a piece of chicken, he took a bite and chewed it to sidetrack his thoughts.

"Why didn't you?" Alexi prompted.

This part of the story cut deeper every time. Picking up his glass of wine, Joshua drank deeply for courage.

"There was a summer party at home. I was so drunk, I still have no idea what happened that night. I woke up in the morning with a splitting headache and Sherry naked beside me."

Alexi's eyes narrowed at that but he didn't speak.

Joshua couldn't blame him for that. His past made him sick to the stomach. Putting his fork on the plate, he sat back.

"When we went back to college, Sherry showed up a few months later at my apartment. She was three months pregnant and she insisted the baby was mine."

"You have a child." Alexi gaped.

"I had a son." Joshua supplied bitterly. "I couldn't leave Sherry to deal with the pregnancy alone. I couldn't have left her had I wanted. My mother didn't raise me like that. I made the sacrifice. My child deserved a family. I chose to marry Sherry so that we could raise our kid together."

"Oh, Joshua," Alexi placed a comforting slender hand on his. "That was really brave of you."

"It was hell." Joshua shrugged. "I was happy for the child. He was a miracle to me. The problem was that I was now put in a place where I could never speak the truth." Shaking his head, he sighed. "It was a mistake to keep my silence."

"Hey, don't say that." Alexi soothed squeezing his hand gently. "You did the best you could."

"Sherry played me, Alexi. I discovered it when Shane was five years old."

"Your son's name is Shane?" Alexi asked. When he nodded in agreement, Alexi grinned. "That's a handsome name."

"It is. He was a handsome little thing, too. I couldn't stop watching him when he was sleeping."

Smiling at the memory, he put his glass of wine on the table and took Alexi's hand. Spreading the slender fingers on the table, he pointed to a spot just before the end of Alexi's little finger.

"His hands were this small, it seemed unbelievable."

Alexi laughed and shook his head.

"You were in love with your baby, Joshua."

"It wasn't very hard."

Alexi nodded in understanding.

"What happened when Shane turned five?"

"He got sick. He was so sick I was scared we might lose him. Things were chaos with Sherry. I couldn't love her how she wanted. We were fighting all the time. I was struggling just being around her. Our relationship was beyond repair at that point. You can imagine adding on a sick child in hospital."

"What was wrong with Shane?"

"He was anemic, and needed blood transfusions. His doctor had us, Sherry and I, donate blood to help. That was when I discovered Shane wasn't mine."

"What?" Alexi asked his brown eyes wide in shock.

"My blood didn't match his. Sherry had lied to me." Old pain washed over him at the memory of watching Shane hooked up to a machine while the doctor told him that he wasn't the father. "She told me she'd thought I was going to make a good father for Shane. I didn't disappoint her, Alexi. I loved," he readjusted that after a moment, "I love Shane. Not being his biological father didn't mean I wasn't his father."

"Where is Shane now?"

"He is with his mother and biological father. I haven't seen him for four years. She cut me off when I decided enough was enough. That was when I told everyone I was gay. Sherry was furious, my mother wanted to kill me. My sisters thought I was abandoning Shane. I lost everything. I moved out of that house. We got a divorce and Sherry got full custody of Shane. To make matters worse, Shane's real father decided he wanted a larger role in his son's life. Sherry agreed to it without any protest. That's when I moved in here."

"What of Shane?" Alexi asked with concern. "What did you tell him?"

"I tried to see him once after the divorce was finalized. Sherry tried to have me arrested for talking to him. She'd told him I wasn't his father and that I was a terrible man who couldn't be trusted. I couldn't take those words coming from him. I got unhinged, screamed at her, called her a few choice words. It didn't help my case with the judge and I lost the right to be Shane's father."

"I hate her." Alexi announced firmly. "She's a bitch."

"She had reason-"

"She had no right." Alexi snapped angrily. "She tricked you first, and then she had the audacity to take away Shane. Joshua, you have to stand up for yourself. I know someone who can fix this."

Joshua couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out at Alexi's anger. He rarely dredged up that part of his life. It hurt too much. He'd started a small trust fund for Shane to help him when he got to college. It was a small thing compared to being a father to him. Watching Alexi so furious, he felt the weight of old pains alleviate.

"What do you mean 'someone', Alexi?" Joshua asked when he stopped chuckling. "I hope you don't mean a hit?"

"That can be arranged too." Alexi sipped his wine and shook his head. "What she did to you is cruel."

"She was angry that I couldn't love her. She'd vote against same sex marriages in the elections if she thinks it's going to hurt me in any way. That's how much she hates me now."

"What a vindictive bitch."

Alexi sighed and placed his glass on the table. He shook his head in anger and Joshua nodded in approval. His heart was flying happily, threatening to soar to heights he couldn't understand. All because of Alexi's anger toward a woman he didn't even know.

"I've never understood how people can be so cruel."

"It happens." Joshua moved his empty plate away and leaned on the table. "You find a way to survive and move on with your life. The hurt might not always disappear, but it gets better."

"You miss Shane." Alexi stated his gaze narrowed.

"I do. Sherry takes him to see my mother in the summer. Mom takes pictures for me and puts them in a scrapbook. It's enough for now. I at least know he's fine."

Alexi leaned on the table moving his plate aside too. Joshua couldn't help the frown when he saw that Alexi hadn't finished his food. Alexi didn't eat as much as he should. Glancing up, he blinked when his gaze collided with curious brown eyes.

"What?" he asked.

"You're a very strong person." The words were a statement. Alexi was frowning as though in deep thought as he studied him. "You remind me of Lily."

"Lily?" Joshua shuddered. "She's very focused that one. I think you might be setting me up for a fall there."

"I am sure. It comes from the way you face things." A shadow fell over those brown eyes and he wondered what caused that look. He didn't have to wait long. "I used to get that same feeling from someone I know."

"Who is this someone?"

"It doesn't matter." The shadow disappeared and bright eyes blinked at him. "What's for dessert?"

Joshua couldn't resist the pull to kiss Alexi any longer. He'd been wondering too long he decided. Standing up, he leaned closer to Alexi, and pressed his lips to sweet soft ones. Eyes closed, he tasted the spices of the marinade he'd used when he invaded Alexi's mouth. The full-bodied flavor of the red wine they'd drank. Alexi moaned, his hand coming up to touch Joshua's jaw. The slender fingers on his jaw made him smile. Pulling back, he drank in the closed eyes and pressed a soft kiss on parted lips before he took his seat.

Alexi looked stunned. He sat motionless while Joshua sipped his wine with a small smile.

"In case that wasn't clear enough, I like you, Alexi. I want to get to know you better; enough to do more than stun you with a kiss."

Alexi cleared his throat, a blush creeping up to his cheeks.

"I-I- uh- I wasn't expecting that."

"I know." Joshua stood and started clearing the table. "I'll get you dessert. I know you're partial to strawberries. I bought very lovely ones earlier. We can share them."

****

It was an evening Alexi couldn't define. He walked beside Joshua in the balmy night, talking about the ten o'clock performance they'd just attended at 55 Bar. It had been loads of fun. Joshua was an infectious jazz enthusiast. The positive energy at the bar had been hard to ignore. His hand held securely in Joshua's as they walked, Alexi found he didn't want this night to end.

Lifting his right hand up, he touched his index finger to his lips. The kiss in Joshua's dining room engraved in his memory. His body responded to the memory, heat raced through him as if he was in the sweltering desert. This raw clawing need for another person was new to him.

"I need to get you home." Joshua murmured beside him and he glanced up to find Joshua hailing a cab. "I don't want to let you go, but it's one o'clock. We both have work in the morning."

Alexi felt it too, his gaze falling to their clasped hands. A strange pull had him holding on tightly. He didn't want to let go of the strong hand holding his. It was a frightening feeling. He tried to let go, but Joshua refused to release his hand. Electric blue eyes captured his gaze when he looked up into Joshua's face. He bit his lip.

"I had a good time." He managed after a moment. "The jazz club was amazing."

"We can go back any time." Joshua promised. "Are you free tomorrow?" When Alexi frowned, he smiled. "You'll call me to confirm."

Alexi nodded in agreement. "That would be better."

Joshua kissed him.

This time, Alexi was ready for the mind-blowing sensation of those sensual lips moving against his. He held back a moan when Joshua invaded his mouth, Joshua's free hand sinking into his hair to pull him closer. The cab stopped at the curb and the driver honked breaking them apart. Alexi gasped softly fearing he might melt onto the pavement.

"Goodnight, Alexi. Sweet dreams."

Joshua let go of his hand and he murmured lamely.

"Good night."

Fear that he might cling to Joshua's light coat and beg him to come home with him had him rushing into the waiting cab. A single dinner had tilted his world into new polar dimensions.

****

Lily woke up on Tuesday feeling apprehensive. Alexi was awake, working at his piano writing music feverishly. Obviously, the creativity gods were smiling on him and he was hard at work.

Pouring herself coffee, she was going to toast a slice of bread when her phone rang. Answering it, she froze when Alexi's mother greeted her.

"Morning, Lily."

"Mrs. Kotaru." She hurried to the kitchen door to look into the living room. Alexi was still at the piano. Abandoning her toast, she hurried into the pantry. "Good morning."

"I'm glad you're awake. I timed my call just right."

Allegra Kotaru sounded as regal as always. Lily tried to stay on her good side. The woman was a dangerous mix of lethal and sweet especially when it came to her sons.

"How is Alexi doing?"

"He is fine, working hard." Lily answered making sure to close the pantry door. She leaned on a shelf and held in her breath.

"That's good. Remind him to call his father," Allegra said quietly. "Now, I called because Alexi's accountant informed me there were issues with his finances. Ms. Mikado, I trust you with my son's affairs. I'd hate to think that trust has been misplaced."

"It hasn't. I'm meeting with the accountant so that I can understand what the problem is. I have-"

"The family lawyer will meet you and the accountant. I want this solved. Understand one thing, Ms. Mikado, if you have violated any of our agreements, I will have no qualms destroying your career."

Closing her eyes, the thought of Allegra Kotaru on a warpath against her was terrifying. "I understand, Madam."

"Good. Let's keep this conversation between us for now. Take care of Alexi for me."

The line went dead and Lily sighed sliding to the floor. She was going to need a caffeine IV to get through the day. Dealing with the Kotaru lawyer was a kin to fighting a war. He was sharp, determined and he scared her. She let out a tired sigh. Trust was a fickle thing. Hers was on the line if she couldn't find out what was happening with Alexi's card.

The pantry door opened and the sight of Alexi standing there in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt had her smiling. He looked wired, excitement brightening his brown eyes.

"Is this a new thing?" he asked reaching for a box of coco puffs.

"It could be. I'm communing with the pantry gods. Do you want to join me?"

Alexi sat next to her, opening the box of cereal, he grabbed a handful and tossed it into his mouth.

"Joshua kissed me."

She smiled. She'd been expecting that, Joshua was fast.

"Did you like it?"

He held out the box to her.

"Like is a small word to describe it. Kisses with Adrian don't make me feel like that."

"Date Joshua," she ordered.

She supported anything that would get Alexi past the need to cling to Adrian. This reminded her that she needed to look into Joshua Randolph.

"I'm going to be very busy today. You'll have to fend for yourself."

"I fend for myself all the time, you just don't see it."

"Try not to lose any thing today, and don't agree to do any more projects." Shaking her head, she grabbed a handful of coco puffs. "I'm starting to hate New York."

Alexi chuckled and she looked at him puzzled.

"I'm just starting to like it."

****

Nine

Lily walked into the Plaza Athenee at nine o'clock in the morning for her meeting with Alexi's accountant and lawyer. She'd chosen her favorite Armani for armor. The black jersey jacket and pencil skirt gave her the extra confidence needed to face Taka Ichido. Her three-inch black suede heels by Christian Louboutin boosted her height.

She gripped her black briefcase tightly and headed into the Arabella restaurant. A cordial relaxing ambiance enveloped her. For a moment, she couldn't help wishing she were coming here for a relaxing breakfast. A charming young woman led her to the private dining room.

She found Taka Ichido having breakfast, his nose buried in the New York Times. He glanced up casually when the door closed behind her. She bowed in greeting and he stood up putting his newspaper on the table.

"Miss. Mikado, good of you to show up," he said offering her a short bow in return to hers.

His comment prompted a wary glance at the thin silver wristwatch on her left hand. It was nine o'clock. She wasn't late. She placed her briefcase on a side-table and took a seat at the table on one of the set places on his right. He waited until she settled to take back his seat.

"I took the liberty of ordering for you. You do still prefer grape fruit for breakfast?"

She smiled. "I'm surprised you remember, Mr. Ichido."

"Call me Taka, Lily. Mr. Ichido sounds weird coming from you."

He sat back in his chair to study her, his light chocolate eyes unreadable as he fixed his gaze on her. At one time, when she'd first started working at Kotaru Industries, she'd thought him unbelievably handsome. He still was she mused.

His thick handsome black hair invited her fingers for a stroke. His utterly masculine tall silhouette clad in a navy blue suit with a light blue shirt. He sipped his coffee and her gaze fell on his lips. He put his cup on the saucer and she met smiling eyes. He'd caught her looking. She blushed. The door opened and a waiter brought in her breakfast tray. She used the distraction to gather her wits.

Taka was an elite lawyer born to middle-class parents. He'd worked his way through high school and pre-Law classes, graduated first class honors and been sent to Harvard Law school by a benefactor. He'd joined a very private Law firm in Tokyo after graduation. They had made him a partner the moment he landed the Kotaru Family account.

"How is New York treating you and Alexi?" Taka asked when the waiter left.

"Fine," she answered with a slight shrug.

Alexi had left for the studio in a cloud of excitement. She was glad the date with Joshua had inspired him.

"Alexi is working happily at the studio. Tomorrow, we are due for a short meeting at NYU. He's agreed to do a summer project with a group of students there."

"Sounds exciting," Taka said. "What about you, Lily?"

Was he asking because he wanted to know her personal life?

She frowned. She could be misreading the question. She wrinkled her nose at her grapefruit.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm just curious." Taka shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, never mind. I'm glad you came in before Stephen. Allegra asked me to pass you a message."

Lily glanced at him warily. She didn't want another warning or judgment on her trust.

"As you know, the accountant discovered discrepancies with Alexi's personal credit card. Alexi's previous manager took liberties with his funds. Because of that, we started the expense account you run with Stephen on Alexi's behalf. We also implemented a watch on his personal accounts to monitor any unusual activity."

Lily sat back in her seat and nodded. "Stephen explained it to me when I took the job. Will you believe me if I tell you that I didn't know about this? I didn't know the card was missing until yesterday. Why didn't you call me when you first found out?"

Taka shrugged.

She narrowed her gaze when he didn't comment.

"You checked me out." She tried not to feel hurt by that. It was just good business.

"You know the drill, Lily. The first suspect is always the one closest to the victim. If you'd like to know, Allegra fast tracked the investigation. She didn't think you were responsible, but you understand we had to look into every possibility. It would have devastated her if you'd been responsible."

"She called me this morning." Lily frowned.

Allegra hadn't sounded sure of her trust. Taka noted her confused frown and elaborated.

"We just got the confirmation thirty minutes ago. You're cleared. I'm looking into Adrian Rosen now. We should have started with him, but I didn't know he was staying at the penthouse."

Lily shook her head. She hated this feeling of suspicion she had toward Adrian.

The thought of how hard that betrayal would hit Alexi made her sick to her stomach. Her appetite escaped and she pushed away her grapefruit.

"Taka, he wouldn't do that to Alexi."

"Adrian is our primary suspect," Taka explained gently. "Stephen is running late, so I'll go ahead and give you a short overview. Alexi's private banker alerted Stephen to a very large cash withdrawal last week. He thought Alexi had forgotten to call it in. The withdrawal prompted an audit and we found other purchases on the credit card that raised red flags. Alexi's financial habits have been very predictable this last year and a few things were off base."

"We found out the credit card was missing yesterday. Anyone out there could have been using it. Alexi can be absent-minded and he could have left the card at a restaurant."

"Whoever is using the credit card is equipped with Alexi's personal information." Taka's gaze settled on her. "That's the reason you were a suspect in the first place. The nature of your relationship with Alexi demands you know his personal information. Since we cleared you, it's now Adrian Rosen's turn. If he's clean, then it should be fine. We'll move on to the 'anyone out there' you're so eager to blame."

The memory of a smiling Alexi looking into Adrian's face filled her thoughts. Taka's tone was so annoyingly calm. Couldn't he feel the slight tremors of the threatening earthquake? She shook her head with worry. She might not like how Adrian treated Alexi, but this was beyond the norm for Adrian. She liked to think that he still cared for Alexi.

"Adrian has asked Alexi to do a concert for him to promote his modeling agency." She confessed quietly. Her gaze fell away from Taka. "I yelled at Alexi for agreeing to do it without talking to me. He gets stubborn when it comes to Adrian."

"If Adrian's responsible for this he's going to jail, Lily. The amounts he's stolen are in the tens of thousands. Allegra is Alexi's power of attorney when he's not living in Japan. It is an important aspect of living his life the way he does. If something were to happen to him, Allegra wanted the power to be able to help him without interference from outsiders. She will push the charges through."

Adrian in jail, she frowned. Alexi would fight it to the end. She knew it.

"Why is Adrian in the penthouse?" Taka asked severely. "Doesn't he have his own apartment?"

"Alexi insisted he wanted to stay friends with Adrian. Against his agent, Peter, and my advice, he invited Adrian to stay at the penthouse for a while. We figured it would help Alexi with his music, but lately things have been going wrong. Adrian is never at the penthouse. On Sunday, he ditched a dinner Alexi prepared for him. Alexi is still clinging to their stupid relationship."

Taka crossed his arms against his chest thoughtfully. "Have you told Alexi about the credit card issues?"

"No," Lily replied quietly. "As far as he knows, the card is lost and Stephen is sorting out the situation."

"Fine, I'll take on the role of telling him." Taka offered without a second thought. "Adrian is going to be charged with fraud."

"You've decided he's responsible." Lily looked at him with wide eyes. "Aren't you jumping to conclusions?"

"I'm hardly ever wrong." Taka smiled at her his gaze wistful. He studied her for a moment before he continued. "I've only been wrong once."

She lifted her brow in question and he sighed.

"I'm sorry how things ended between us."

Lily laughed and shook her head.

"Ended, you say that like they began at all."

"They might have if you hadn't joined Alexi's team." Taka accused with a narrowed gaze. "I was going to ask you out. I thought you liked me enough to kiss me at the Kotaru annual ball five years ago."

"So what, if I did," Lily asked.

She reached for her coffee cup and traced the handle with her nail. That kiss had been unexpected, magical.

Girls like her though..., she shook her head.

No, it wouldn't have worked. She was too ambitious to be Taka's anything. She blinked away nostalgia and flashed him a small smile.

"You didn't have time for me, Taka. Besides, I had to make a choice when I got the chance to be Alexi's manager. I made the best choice for me."

Taka kept his silence for a moment. She looked at him to judge his reaction to her answer. His lips twitched into a slight smile.

"Does that mean you won't come out to dinner with me while I'm in New York?"

A date with Taka Ichido, how tempting, she sighed. She picked up her coffee cup and took a steadying sip.

"Alexi needs me now. If your suspicions are correct, he's going to need my full attention."

"He won't need you forever. Say yes, agree to see me?" Taka asked leaning his elbows on the table to study her. His hot gaze caressed her breasts and she flushed. "You look stunning this morning, Mikado."

"Now you're embarrassing me." She accused with a small smile secretly pleased by the comment. "Don't flirt, Taka."

Taka chuckled holding her gaze captive.

"Fine, have it your way. I hope Alexi knows just how much I hate sharing you."

Lily blushed at his possessive glance. The door swung open and she sipped her coffee as Stephen rushed in to the dining room. He greeted them both with a hurried hello.

"What's wrong?" Taka asked as Steve opened his laptop on the dining table beside Taka.

"I can't prove Adrian's responsible. There is no proof he forged Alexi's signature. The online purchases show Alexi's personal information. The cash withdrawal is from an ATM. The bastard is wearing a cap in the ATM footage. What do we do, Taka?"

Lily stood up and moved to stand behind Taka so that she could look at the video from the ATM. A soft gasp escaped as she caught sight of a very familiar jacket.

****

"You have a visitor," Andy's voice broke Alexi's concentration.

He glanced up from the notes he was scribbling on his music sheets to look at Andy in the control room. Andy pointed to the door connecting into the live room. He dropped the pen on the piano when he saw Adrian standing at the door.

He waved Adrian in and smiled in welcome. Adrian looked good in faded blue jeans and a black t-shirt.

"What are you doing here?"

"Can't a friend come to visit?" Adrian asked coming to give him a tight hug. "I tried your phone, but it's off. I figured you must be writing."

Alexi pulled back from Adrian's hug. "I didn't want to be distracted. I woke up with music in my head. I want to finish writing before it disappears; you know how that goes, right? What time is it?"

"Twelve-thirty, want to get something to eat? My treat."

Alexi glanced at his notes. They were almost finished and he didn't want to give up the thread of inspiration.

"Uhm..."

Adrian chuckled and reached out to tug his left ear.

"Fine, we'll order Chinese. I don't want to stop inspiration. Did you tell Lily about the gala?"

Alexi sat on the comfortable piano bench. Adrian moved around the room touching the various music instruments on stands.

Alexi picked up his pen and stared at it his thoughts straying to Lily. He'd left her dressing this morning. She'd been a tad preoccupied. She was keeping something to herself.

"I did, she wasn't happy."

"I thought she might be upset. Alexi, you don't have to follow everything she says. Live your own life."

Alexi shrugged.

"I am living my life how I want. Lily looks out for me."

"She's under your mother's thumb." Adrian protested turning to look at him, his green eyes piercing as they met his. "I thought you wanted to be free of the Kotaru name."

"My last name is the reason you're asking me to do a gala for you." Alexi retorted placing the pen on his notes. "How is it any different from working with Lily? Besides, Lily is my manager, not part of Kotaru Industries or the name."

"Then why is she meeting Taka Ichido at the Plaza Athenee?" Adrian asked.

"What?" Alexi frowned. Why hadn't Lily mentioned Taka was in town? "How do you know that?"

"I saw her this morning at the Plaza. I tried to get her attention when she walked in but I couldn't. She went into the private dining to have breakfast with Taka Ichido."

Lily and Taka, Alexi laughed. He'd once suspected she liked the family lawyer. Lily never mentioned it, but their attraction was hard to miss.

"They dated five years ago before she became my manager. I hope they're finally getting together. Aren't you being paranoid? Besides, if there was something going on, Taka is obligated to call me."

"Lily could have asked him not to tell you. People keep things from you, Alexi. You pay so much attention to your music you neglect reality. You can be so blind sometimes."

Adrian shook his head, his expression tinged with slight disgust. It was disturbing to see it on Adrian's handsome face.

"Stop worrying about Lily and Taka. What were you doing at the Plaza that early?"

Alexi reached for his music notes and gave them a cursory glance. He'd called a violinist to come to the studio minutes before Adrian had walked in. He couldn't wait to see what the adjustments he'd made would sound like. He forced his attention back to Adrian.

"Did you have a breakfast date?"

Adrian hesitated before he answered. "I was meeting someone."

Alexi looked at Adrian curiosity eating him alive. He wanted to ask so badly, but he bit his tongue. What right did he have to ask? He'd spent the better part of the morning writing music inspired by someone else.

"That's good for you, Adrian," he said.

Alexi ignored the slight stab of pain at the truth in his words. Love was so hard to let go, he sighed. The studio door swung open and a tall auburn haired girl in her early twenties walked in. She was carrying a violin, her multicolored fingernails clutching it tightly. Her clothing screamed punk rock, her t-shirt declaring her eternal love for Paramore.

"You called?" she demanded unceremoniously. Her gaze fell on Adrian and she smiled brightly. "Who is the hottie? Alexi, you've been holding out on me."

Alexi chuckled.

"Adrian, meet the resident gossip monger, George Barnett. George, this is Adrian Rosen, my best friend."

She sidled up to Adrian sliding an arm around his waist. Alexi laughed when she sniffed Adrian's neck.

"It smells good too."

"George?" Adrian asked with a frown when she let go and moved to the piano.

Alexi handed her his music sheets and watched her perch on top of the black piano her legs crossed under her.

"My parents named me Georgia." She grinned at Adrian. "It doesn't suit me so I prefer George. Do you play music Adrian?"

"No."

Adrian looked at Alexi with a raised eyebrow. He didn't look happy about the interruption. Alexi ignored the raised brow with a shrug.

"He used to be a model." Alexi told George and sat down at the piano bench.

He moved his fingers over the keys for a small warm up and grinned at Adrian.

"Although, there was a brief scare once when he made me write him music for a musical. I thought he was contemplating dance."

"He has the looks for the modeling, not too sure about the dancing. He would be a sight to see in leotards."

George commented her gaze dropping down suggestively to Adrian's crotch. Adrian's jeans fit enough to show the bulge hidden under them. The image of Adrian in a leotard right now was too absurd even for him. Alexi burst out laughing while Adrian made a face at George.

"I'm sure it would be a sight, just not for you, little girl." Adrian retorted walking around to sit beside Alexi on the bench. "What are you doing here anyway, George?"

"Interrupting a lover's tryst," George replied. She laid out the music sheets going over them with a neon green painted index finger. "You've changed a lot of notes."

Alexi nodded and urged her to get serious.

"It's almost done then we can start writing it for orchestration. Play your part, little George."

She stuck her tongue out at him and jumped off the piano. She grabbed a music stand from a corner and brought it a few feet away from the piano. Arranging the music on it, she glanced at him for her cue. He started to give it to her but her eyes rolled and she turned away.

"What," he asked with a frown.

"Mr. Hottie is distracting me," she complained dramatically. She turned back and glared at Alexi severely. "Don't judge too harshly if it doesn't sound right."

Alexi shook his head at her antics and started the music with a series of slow flowing notes filled with sweet reminiscence. A few bars later, as the melody picked its pace, George entered with a vibrant trill of her violin. Her wand moved over the strings with precision. The slow dance of the piano took the background on the hardcore rich vibration of the violin. The discordance married into a thrilling tune that had Alexi's head moving to the beats of the drums in his head.

George played with passion, adding an exciting flare to her interpretation of his music. Her energy allowed him to flesh out the missing adjustments he'd been working on all morning. He looked up to find George smiling at him as they kept up the exciting dance of notes. When the music he'd written ended, he stopped playing and looked up to find Andy smiling at them through the windows.

Adrian clapped with wild abandon beside him and Alexi smiled.

"George, I think Andy wants you to count how many teeth he has in his mouth."

"Does he have any left?" she asked looking at the producer with a frown.

Andy held up two thumbs up and George shrugged. She turned to look at him with sparkling eyes.

"That was raw, Alexi. The pace is fast, but I figure that's what you want for the scene?"

Alexi grabbed his pen and sighed.

"Yes it will work for that transition where the main character is driving from one city to another. The ending is abrupt though. I still need a few more bars before it's considered finished. I'll work on it this afternoon. You'll be here later, right?"

"You know I live here." George held onto her violin tightly and walked around the bench to stop by Adrian. "Can I steal Mr. Hottie, Alexi?"

"He's spoken for, keep your mittens off him," Alexi said automatically as he stood up to take the music sheets George had used.

When she didn't reply, Alexi looked at them with a frown. They were both watching him with surprise.

"What?"

"Possessive much," George asked with a grin.

She chuckled when he frowned in irritation and moved away from Adrian. She came up to him and ruffled his brown hair.

"I see how it is. See you later. And if you don't want my mitts on him, take him out to lunch."

Adrian laughed as she skipped out of the live room.

Alexi dropped the music sheets on top of the piano, his cheeks flaming.

"I'm sorry, that didn't come out right. I was-, it just-"

"There is nothing wrong with it. I'm protective of you too. Do you want to know something?" Adrian stood up from the bench and came to stand by him. "I'm glad you haven't met someone, Alexi. I think that is the one thing I couldn't stand."

Alexi sighed, his thoughts returning to Joshua and the kisses they'd shared. His heart squeezed at the thought of giving up the hot fuzzy feeling in his gut tied to those kisses.

"Adrian."

How could he want Joshua's kisses this badly and still have feelings for Adrian? It was so hard to let Adrian go. He started to reach up to touch Adrian's jaw.

Adrian took a step back. His gaze lowered as Alexi fought to get a hold of his warring emotions. His hand fell away and he cleared his throat when Andy called into the room.

"I'm going out guys; the connection is off, Alexi."

He nodded gratefully to the producer and once Andy was gone, he turned to find Adrian pacing the length of the room. He left his music sheets on the piano and moved to interrupt Adrian's pacing.

Alexi placed gentle hands on Adrian's elbows.

"What's wrong, Adrian, something is clearly disturbing you. We're not together...I realize that but...we're friends. I hope that means you can still talk to me."

Adrian sighed and extricated his arms from Alexi's gentle hold. The action pained Alexi more than he dared show. His heart jumped joyously when Adrian tangled their fingers. Adrian sighed again and Alexi chuckled.

"If you sigh one more time, I'm going to take matters into my hands. Please just tell me what is bothering you. You're freaking me out."

"I did something..." Adrian started quietly. "I don't know how to tell you about it."

"Did you kill someone?" Alexi asked his eyebrows raised for dramatic effect.

Adrian chuckled and he smiled in response.

"What if I had?" Adrian asked solemnly, killing the small hope for a lighter conversation. The man was in a strange mood today.

"Well, did he or she deserve to die?" Alexi replied, still hoping to keep the lighthearted banter going. Adrian laughed and he sighed in relief at the sound. He continued his teasing inquisition. "What? Sometimes things happen. Now what can't you tell me?"

Adrian let go of his right hand and reached into his jeans' front pocket. He pulled out a shiny silver card, and handed it to Alexi. Alexi stared at the card as ice settled in his veins. Adrian had mentioned Lily meeting Taka Ichido earlier. He gripped Adrian's left hand tightly.

"What are you doing with this, Adrian?"

"I took the card a week after you came to Manhattan. You hardly ever use it, and you let me use it before." Adrian shook his head. "Things got out of control and-"

Alexi flung the card to the floor as though burned by the valuable metal. His thoughts felt jumbled when they shouldn't be. He had to think clearly.

Taka Ichido in Manhattan meant his mother was on a rampage.

Damn it, he really hated it when that woman did things without talking to him. Wasn't that what Adrian had done too?

He looked up into sad green eyes. He narrowed his own; filling them with all the accusation, he could master.

"You should have told me, Adrian. Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to burden you with my problems. I was trying to keep things as easy as possible for you."

Adrian tried to take his hand but he stepped back. Alexi's gaze found the shining palladium card, his signature embossed with a flourish on the surface. Lily meeting Taka Ichido started making sense. He wished fervently that they had been meeting for a breakfast date.

Lily, he frowned, this morning sitting on the floor in the pantry. She'd looked shaken. The only person he knew in this world who could get Lily that way was his mother. His gaze rounded on Adrian with more accusation.

"Did you withdraw cash?"

"Alexi, I'm trying to apologize here," Adrian started to say.

Alexi gave an impatient noise and glared at Adrian.

"Did you withdraw cash?"

Adrian nodded yes, his gaze falling away from Alexi's burning brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, Alexi. I'll make it up to you."

"Adrian, you don't understand."

He bent and picked up the credit card. He wished he'd never gotten it at that moment. His first manager had embezzled money from him. When his mother had discovered what the man had done, she'd taken strict steps to protect his accounts. He'd been grateful at the time. He hated dealing with difficult things like distrust and money.

He sighed. This one was going to be an epic battle. He thought about what Adrian had said about his problems with Rosen Models and his business partner a day ago in his office.

"I'm assuming this has to do with the model agency. Why couldn't you just sit down and talk to me? Is it that bad between us we can't talk Adrian? I'd have been happy to invest in the agency."

"It's so easy for you." Adrian let go of his hand and took a step back. His fingers rubbed his forehead as though his head hurt. "You live in a different world, Alexi. Money is an easy thing for you; it's so readily available it's disgusting. You have no idea what life is like for the rest of us down here."

"Are you going to start that speech with me?" Alexi gaped. "What's changed in the past year to make you this different? Don't you know me anymore, Adrian?"

Adrian moved to the piano bench and sank onto it. He dropped his head into his hands and sighed.

"I don't know how to start this. You don't know anything about struggling to make ends meet-"

"Stop right there."

He hurled the card at Adrian's feet. Tears stung his eyes as fears he'd thought long gone returned. Memories of fake friends earning his trust and betraying him once they had what they wanted filled his head. He'd thought that fear gone. His body trembled at the thought of Adrian acting like those people.

"I hate it when you get this way, Adrian. I really do. I don't care about the money. You want the card, there it is. Go ahead and take it."

"I don't want the card," Adrian said quietly. "Alexi, this is all coming out wrong. I don't want to hurt you."

Adrian lifted his head slowly; his green eyes dull with defeat.

"I didn't want to tell you that I was failing. I chose Rosen Models a year ago instead of you and I'm failing at it. I took the card to keep up with expenses and other costs. It was easy money. I kept telling myself I will pay you back, no problem. We did it all the time before."

Alexi closed his eyes trying to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. They betrayed him anyway. His heart wouldn't let him hate Adrian. It just couldn't.

"We can take it as my investment into Rosen Models. Why don't we do that Adrian? We'll have someone look at the business statements and figure out how to fix it-"

Adrian glared at him with hot anger.

"Are you listening to me? I took your money without hesitation, Alexi. I stole from you. I need you to start yelling and screaming so that this guilt inside stops killing me. This nice guy routine of yours is going to destroy us."

"I'm going to destroy us?" Alexi demanded, wiping his eyes furiously. A laugh tumbled out roughly. "That's really great coming from you. You sit there and accuse me of trying to destroy us because I won't get angry with you."

"Yes, I will say it." Adrian shouted. "Look at you, rich pathetic Alexi who needs Lily to protect him. Why can't you stand up for yourself for once?"

"I did!" Alexi pointed at Adrian with a shaking hand as white anger washed over him. "A year ago, Adrian, I was ready to give Japan up for you. You have no idea what that took. I stood up for us with my father. I chose you over my family. You never thought about that at all did you? No."

Alexi shook his head when Adrian stared at him blankly.

"All I got from you was a kiss goodbye and take care for my efforts. Don't sit there and accuse me of not standing up for myself. You're the one who didn't want me, Adrian."

"If that's how you feel, why are you helping me?" Adrian stood up and held up his hands in surrender. "Call the police and have me arrested."

"Is that what you want, Adrian?" Alexi pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and waved it at him. "You want to be dragged out of this studio in cuffs? We can do that you know."

Adrian shook his head. "I don't know how to fix it. You deserve better from me, Alexi. I don't know how I can fix this. I don't have the money."

The door in the control room opened and Alexi turned to find Andy and Lily walking in. He wasn't surprised to see Taka Ichido follow. Alexi stuck his phone back in his pocket and asked Adrian.

"Do you have a company lawyer, Adrian?"

"What? Why is Taka here?" Adrian frowned.

Lily headed for the door with determined steps. Alexi turned to Adrian.

"You need a lawyer. Do you have one?"

"Alexi?" Adrian frowned when the door opened and Lily walked in followed by Taka. "What's going on?"

*****

Ten

Alexi watched Taka and Lily enter the live room apprehension coursing through his body. He shifted his position so that Adrian was standing behind him. Lily's lips were set in a disapproving line when she glanced at Adrian. Taka stopped before Alexi and gave a very formal bow in greeting.

"Alexander, how are you?" Taka said respectfully. "Your parents hope you are well."

"Mr. Ichido." Alexi returned the greeting with a small bow and turned to Lily. "What's going on? Why are both of you here?"

Lily grimaced and bent to pick up the credit card he'd thrown at Adrian a few minutes ago. She straightened up and looked at Adrian.

"This is the reason we're here. Adrian is in a lot of trouble, Alexi. We need to talk."

"I'm not pressing charges," Alexi told her firmly. He returned his gaze to Taka and met hard dark eyes. "I'm not doing it, Taka."

"Then I'll process the charges for you," Taka replied.

"The card is under my name, we're on foreign soil. I'll find every loophole possible to stop you." Alexi stepped toward Taka and met the unreadable dark eyes. "I don't care what mother wants. I'll have my way."

"Calm down, Alexi," Lily advised gently moving to stand beside him. "Before you start defending Adrian, you should read the statements Stephen prepared. Things are not going to be as easy as you'd like. He is facing credit card fraud."

"Alexi," Adrian said in a pleading tone.

Alexi shrugged looking at Lily.

"I forgot I gave the card to him. I'm sorry. Let's forget everything, and Taka, you can go back home and tell Mom to stop overreacting."

"We need to talk," Lily said.

Lily handed the card to Taka. She took a step forward and took Alexi's upper arm. Adrian moved to stop her by placing a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around and slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch me, you bastard. I trusted you!"

"Lily," Alexi gasped but she was already leading him toward the door. "I think you're the one who should calm down."

"I've had a very long day, Alexi. Don't annoy me right now," she ordered as she led him out of the studio.

Once they were in the corridor, she led the way to a private office at the end of the hall. She waved him in and slammed the door closed.

"Why didn't you tell me Taka was in town?" Alexi asked angry that she'd kept it a secret. "I thought we were friends, Lily."

"Alexi, shut up before I get angrier," Lily snapped.

She walked to the small desk in the room and placed her handbag and briefcase on top of the desk. She leaned on the desk edge and folded her arms against her chest.

"How long are you going to remain blind with Adrian?"

"What do you mean by that?" Alexi moved to sit in an armchair by the wall of the small office. "I'm not blind about him."

"Haven't you wondered where he's been going so much that he can't even come to dinner?" Lily asked quietly.

Her eyes pleading with him, Alexi couldn't stand the pity. He started to protest but Lily shook her head.

"Don't lie to yourself. Remember, I was with you at the grocery store when he called you."

"So what if he's had no time? His business is in trouble. It's understandable that he's been spending time dealing with his problems."

"Why are you so calm about this? Did he tell you that he had the card?" She cocked her head slightly to the right. "Now that I look at you, your eyes are red. Were you two arguing when we came in? Let me guess, he told you he took the card and guilt tripped you again. Poor little Adrian who is struggling with life, I've seen it happen before."

"I don't know what you want from me," Alexi said quietly. "I can't let you take him to jail for taking money he needed. He's my best friend, Lily. You know what he means to me."

"I know what he's done to you over and over," Lily said matching his quiet tone. "He's using you and I won't stand for it. Now, I want you to do something for me."

Alexi glanced at her his gaze narrowed as she straightened up and walked toward him.

"What?"

Lily crouched beside him and looked up into his eyes.

"I want you to allow Taka his investigations. If you start protesting, things will go wrong and we might end up drawing attention to you. We don't want that, Alexi. You have work to do here, and a whole summer to do it. So, let Taka do what he was sent here by your mother to do."

"I can't abandon Adrian." Alexi shook his head refusing Lily's request. He didn't know how to, he'd tried to let Adrian go for so long. He sighed. "I can't, Lily."

"You can't protect him from this. The bank will want answers; your private banker caught the discrepancies." Lily insisted. When he didn't budge, she glared at his set expression and shook her head. "What is this that he holds over you? Why can't you break this hold Adrian has over you, Alexi?"

"There is no hold. Friends help friends," Alexi said quietly. "The same thing you're doing for me is what I'm trying to do for Adrian. I know my family, and this could turn into a full fledged witch hunt if we're not careful."

Lily stood up and let go of his hand. She walked back to the desk and picked up her handbag.

"We need to go then."

"Why?" Alexi asked with a frown.

"Taka is having Adrian arrested. If we're going to help him, we need to follow right away."

Alexi got to his feet in a panic.

"Why didn't you say something?"

Lily gripped her briefcase and started for the door.

"I do what you want me to, but I'm on Taka's side. Adrian doesn't deserve your kindness."

Alexi followed her out of the office. Taka was on the phone pacing the hallway. He glanced up and waved them toward the elevator.

"You should have told me what was going on," Alexi said severely when they were all in the elevator. "This couldn't have started yesterday. Mom is not the type. She called you this morning, didn't she? That's why you were in the pantry."

"I was under investigation." Lily supplied with a small shrug. "If anything had gone wrong, I would have been out. Those are the rules. I wanted to make sure that I was still your manager before I did anything."

"Lily." Alexi sighed.

*****

Two hours later, Alexi sat in an office hoping a ball of fire would fall into the building and they'd all have to evacuate. After endless questions about his purchasing habits, how he kept his credit cards, where he was born, where he lived, what he did for a living, who he talked to-, he wiped a hand down his face.

The detective had grilled him, asking him questions about almost every step he'd taken since he'd landed in Manhattan. His head was ready to explode.

Lily and Taka had taken over at some point. They were somewhere inside an interview room with Stephen presenting evidence. He hadn't seen Adrian yet. They weren't letting them talk to each other. No one seemed to be listening to him when he said he wasn't filing any charges. The questions just kept coming.

The door to the office suddenly swung open and a blond woman stalked in. Her hair tumbled down her back in large curls that bounced with her footsteps. He stood up when he saw her murderous blue eyes settle on him. He sighed not ready for another round of questions. It was taking everything he had to protect Adrian. He gasped in surprise when she came up to him and poked his chest with a long finger.

"This is your fault," she accused. "I thought he was your best friend? How dare you charge him with fraud when you gave him the card?"

"Who are you?" Alexi frowned confused by the verbal attack. "Are you Adrian's lawyer? I told him I'm not-"

"I'm his business partner and his girlfriend." She declared, her voice dripping with disdain.

Her lips twisted at an ugly angle as she looked at him. It made his skin crawl. He took a step back trying to escape, but she followed him. She advanced on him, still poking his chest.

"You're going to ruin his reputation, and Rosen Models will suffer. How could you? You gave him the card."

"Gave him-," Alexi frowned. "You're confusing this-"

"I'm not confusing anything. You bastard, you're Alexander Kotaru. I know because Adrian is always talking about you. Alexi this, Alexi that, you'd think you were a god. I was right when I told him you're just a spoiled rich brat. He didn't listen to me. Now look where he is. I swear we're taking this to the courts if we have to. You'll pay for this!"

Alexi found himself pressed up against the desk and there was no room to escape. Each poke of her finger against his chest was more painful than the last. He started to move her back, but she got aggressive, and swiped at his hands. Lily's return with the detective in charge of the case saved him.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lily demanded of the woman when the detective pulled her off him. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Adrian's business partner and his girlfriend. You are going to pay for this."

"You're Adrian's what?" Lily asked in shock.

Alexi gave her a confused look and moved away from the crazy woman. He didn't want any more angry pokes. Lily glared at her.

"I think you're delusional. Come on, Alexi, we've done all we can today. Taka will handle everything else."

"Oh hell no, you're not leaving Adrian in jail overnight." The woman demanded staring at them as if they'd grown two heads. "If he gets charged, where do you think we're going to get the money to deal with this?"

Alexi closed his eyes; he dragged shaking fingers through his hair. Lily gripped his left arm trying to pull him toward the door. He looked at the woman.

"Are you really Adrian's girlfriend?"

"Aren't you listening?"

He pressed a hand to his mouth and moved away from Lily. He held back a disgusted moan at the thought of Adrian kissing him on Saturday, and then rushing off to meet her. Adrian had to have been spending time with her during his so called 'business trips'.

Why had Adrian hugged him, kissed him? His heartbeat was racing too fast. He breathed in deep trying to ease his panic.

"I'm sorry," he murmured to the woman.

Her eyes were wide with worry, and concern for Adrian. She was fighting for Adrian. Her emotions were familiar. He too didn't want Adrian spending the night in jail.

"I'm not pressing charges. My lawyer is handling it. I'm sure he'll see that Adrian leaves with you."

"Then why is it taking so long?" Her tone agitated, she looked ready to beat him to a pulp.

"Procedure," the man who'd pulled her away from him supplied. "We have a few things we need to clear up for the sake of all parties involved. Please, be patient."

The woman wouldn't be appeased. She rounded on him again. "I will never forgive you for this. He said you gave the card to him in good faith. Adrian loves you like a brother. How could you do this to him?"

"A brother," Alexi murmured quietly.

His heart slammed in his chest at the thought of his relationship with Adrian. Was that all it had been? A brotherhood, he bit his lip hard to keep from speaking his thoughts.

Lily grabbed his left elbow. "Come on, we're leaving. Taka will handle the rest."

Alexi nodded and allowed her to guide him out of the office. When they got to the door, he stopped and turned to the woman.

"I didn't catch your name?"

"It's Teresa Landry. You remember it for future use," she warned.

Lily pulled open the door and hurried him out.

He had no recollection of how Lily got him to the penthouse. It was all a blur, his brain trying repeatedly to figure out what that woman meant.

If she was Adrian's girlfriend, how long had they been together? When had their relationship started?

He sighed.

Adrian had lied to him.

Lily was right, he was an idiot and Adrian had capitalized on that. His brain couldn't handle the idea of Adrian and Teresa. That Teresa loved Adrian. He'd seen it in her eyes. That blind faith in Adrian that he'd worn proudly for so long.

The elevator doors opened at the penthouse and he stepped out slowly. He removed his shoes in slow motion and headed for the living room.

"Alexi, are you alright?" Lily asked touching his shoulder. "It was so strange back there. I really didn't expect her-"

Alexi turned and hugged her tightly.

"He doesn't love me anymore," he sobbed out. "I should have known a year ago, but I clung to the possibility. I couldn't- I didn't want to-"

Lily held him and rubbed his back gently.

"I'm so sorry, Alexi. I'm so sorry."

Tears spilled down his cheeks and he clung to Lily as though his world were ending all over again.

****

Joshua sat beside the summer music program coordinator, Tony, and tried to contain his anticipation. They'd set up in one of the main office conference rooms waiting for Alexi and Lily. He hadn't heard from Alexi since their date. He'd tried to call the day before but Alexi's phone was off. It was now ten o'clock in the morning and Alexi hadn't shown up for the meeting.

"What do you think?" Tony asked for the fifth time in the space of five minutes. "I think he's not coming. We're going to get a nice apology, and the whole project will be a mess. I don't know what I'm going to do. There is already a whole line of students-"

"Please, relax Tony. I'm sure he's just delayed."

Joshua stood and picked up his coffee mug and Tony's. He went over to the refreshments tray at the side-table to get them more coffee.

Although-, he glanced at Tony-, may be no coffee for Tony. The man was bursting with nerves.

A short knock on the door came and Lily walked in alone. His heart sunk in disappointment.

"I'm sorry we're late," she apologized quietly. "We had some business to take care of."

Tony stood up quickly and went to greet her. She looked relaxed in a pair of white pants and red dress top. She was shorter this morning because her feet were in red flats. She smiled at Tony as she greeted him.

"I hope there is no problem."

Her smile dazzled Tony into submission.

"No, no problems, Ms. Mikado. We're happy to have you. Would you like coffee?"

"Yes." Lily glanced at Joshua.

"What a nice surprise," she said her smile widening. "Joshua, I didn't know you'd be with us."

"I asked Joshua to join us for language purposes. He's fluent in Japanese." Tony supplied. "Just in case, you understand."

Lily nodded and walked up to Joshua. "How are you?"

Joshua shrugged looking behind her pointedly.

"I'm good. Should I make two coffees?"
Lily sighed and put her bag on the table.

"Alexi is freshening up. It's been a rough morning. Put two sugars in his coffee please."

Joshua breathed out in relief and reached for the cups in anticipation. He'd just finished pouring the coffee when the door opened to reveal Alexi.

Alexi was dressed all in black, his hair falling over his left eye. Joshua's heart did a slow appreciative dance of joy at the sight of him. His lips curved into an involuntary smile that quickly disappeared when Alexi glanced up from closing the door. Something was wrong.

Joshua glanced at Lily but she shrugged and indicated for them to take a seat. Tony greeted Alexi oblivious to the dark aura surrounding the musician and led him to a seat.

"I'm so glad you could make it, Mr. Kotaru."

Tony gushed rushing around the desk to take a seat. Tony rearranged papers on the desk.

"I have the documents you requested for this meeting. With your manager's help, we've created a schedule that works around your other obligations. We're all really excited to have you working with us."

Joshua picked up the coffee cups and gave one to Lily. The other he carried to Alexi and stopped by his side.

"Morning, Alexi."

Alexi looked up from the documents he was looking at. Joshua's gaze moved critically over Alexi's upturned features. There were dark shadows under Alexi's eyes. He looked exhausted like he hadn't slept and something else.

"Are you alright?"

Alexi took his coffee and smiled a slight tilt of his lips. His dull brown eyes slid away from Joshua.

"Good to see you again, Mr. Randolph."

Alexi's tone was cold, hardly the excited tone he was looking for. Why was he 'Mr. Randolph' again? What had happened in the space of a day?

Confused, Joshua sat beside Lily at the rectangular table. Tony talked Alexi through the documents he'd been working on for a month now. They outlined the course structure and the details of the project. Alexi read them carefully, handing the legal papers and contracts to Lily. He listened politely, engaging Tony in a very professional capacity. It felt cold like a consultation. Once Tony was done with his explanation, Alexi gathered the syllabus outline and smiled at Tony.

"I'll go through this. If I need information I'll call or send Lily." Alexi stood taking the folder with him. "If you'll excuse me, I have a pressing appointment. Lily, I'll meet you outside."

Tony was too surprised to question the abrupt ending of the meeting. He stood up as well, thanked Alexi, and they all watched him stride out without another word.

"Did I say something wrong?" Tony asked glancing at Lily worried.

"No, Tony. Why don't we go through these contracts together? I'll handle all the technical issues and scheduling updates. A few things happened yesterday and we might need to redo the schedule. Joshua," she turned to him and gave him a sweet smile. "Will you catch up to Alexi and tell him I might be a few minutes?"

Joshua hurried out of the main offices intent on catching up to Alexi. He found him holding on to the car in the parking lot his concerned driver standing close ready to help. Alexi doubled over, breathing hard, his fingers holding on tightly to the side mirror turning his skin white. The black folder in his right hand fell on the tarmac.

"Alexi?" Joshua reached to touch Alexi's back.

He stopped when Alexi jerked in surprise. Alexi started to shake and Joshua moved around to see what was wrong.

"Go away," Alexi said hoarsely barely able to talk and breathe.

He was wheezing hard, his free hand pressed to his chest. His body was trembling like a twig in the wind. He whimpered as if in pain.

"Alexi." Joshua reached for Alexi's hand touching him gently. "You're having a panic attack."

"P-Please leave me alone." Alexi managed to get out in a frustrated whisper.

Joshua glanced at the driver who opened the back passenger door of the car. Joshua ignored Alexi's protests and led him to take a sit in the car. He crouched down to Alexi's level and rubbed Alexi's back gently. When Alexi tried to fight him off, he sighed.

"Stop pushing me away and start taking short deep breaths. Look at me, Alexi. Breathe slowly and take your time."

Alexi's brown eyes met his and his heart shifted at the discomfort he saw there. Joshua started making deep breaths to help Alexi. He kept his gaze steady as Alexi matched his breaths. The whimpering stopped. At some point Alexi closed his eyes, his death grip on the black fabric of his top eased and he started to relax. It took around ten minutes for him to calm down. When it was over, Alexi sat with his head down his fingers clenched on his lap. His brown hair hid his face; Joshua couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Talk to me," Joshua said quietly. He reached up and caressed Alexi's hair gently. "What's happened?"

"Nothing," Alexi replied. "Please just go back to the office."

"Alexi, you didn't call me yesterday. I tried to call you but your phone is shut off."

Alexi shook his head and tried to pull away from Joshua's touch.

"I have a lot going on in my mind. I still need to get to the studio."

"Alexi." Joshua kept his tone soft. "You're panicking in the middle of the parking lot. I think you need to rest. What happened yesterday?"

"Nothing," Alexi moved his hand out of his hair.

Joshua felt a thrill run through him at the feel of Alexi's cool fingers on his skin

"I'm sorry about the phone," Alexi said refusing to meet his gaze. "I actually don't know where it is. I need to get to the studio. Where is Lily?"

"She said she'll be a few minutes," Joshua said at a loss.

Alexi was shutting him out and he had no idea what to say. When he'd left Alexi the other day, they'd been kissing. He picked up the folder Alexi had dropped and stood up. Lily was walking out of the building.

"Do you want me to come to the studio with you? In case you have another panic attack?"

"I'm fine, Joshua." Alexi swung his feet into the car. "Thank you for helping me."

"Alexi." Joshua stared at the stranger sitting in the back seat. Lily reached the car and he held out the folder to her. "He had a panic attack."

Lily glanced at Alexi with concern.

"You didn't have to tell her." Alexi admonished with a glare. "Can we leave, Lily? I need to get to the studio, there's work still undone."

She sighed and gave Joshua a small smile.

"I'm sorry, Joshua. I'll see you sometime. You have my number, call me."

Joshua stepped back from the car. Lily got in the back on the other side and just as Alexi closed his door. The driver pulled out of the parking space. Lily waved at him but Alexi didn't. Instead, brown eyes glanced at him sadly tearing him inside as they slid away from him.

****

Eleven

Alexi sat swiveling his chair in the control room, his head thrown back as he listened to the music he and George had laid down an hour ago. He closed his eyes as the violin grated against his nerves, a coarse sound, deviating from the beauty he imagined in his head. He winced when the piano clashed with the violin. He sat up and stopped the music, his gaze finding Andy who stood leaning on the window to the live room.

"I hate it." Alexi sighed. "That is another day wasted. I can't seem to get the ending right."

"You're stressing, Alexi. I think you need a break." Andy pushed off the windows and came to sit next to him. He picked up the music notes Alexi had used earlier. "It's an off day, it happens."

"Orchestration has started but the ending of the score sounds awful." Alexi ran trembling fingers through his hair and stood up. "I can't get it right."

Andy glanced at his watch. "It's almost eight o'clock at night. Why don't you go home, get some rest, and we'll start anew tomorrow morning."

Alexi paced the room trying to configure the notes at the end of the score. It was such a small dissonance he should be able to fix it. Why couldn't he find the right note to fit in? It was a simple note, one silly stupid note- he frowned.

"Alexi!" Andy's voice penetrated his thoughts and he turned his head: a frown on his forehead at the interruption. "It's time to go home."

"Not yet," he said not ready to give up the thought process starting in his head. He stole a glance at the clock overhead. It was only eight o'clock. "Go on home, Andy. I'll be fine here, Lily will be by shortly."

"Are you sure?" Andy's brow creased with worry. "I can stay if you want."

"Please, go ahead. I need time to think clearly."

Alexi could see Andy's need to leave. He forced a smile of reassurance that prompted Andy to grab his jacket from the couch.

"Fine, but call me if you run into trouble." Andy advised as he headed for the door. "I'll call Lily and tell her you're here alone."

Alexi waved him off and continued his pacing. Notes filled his head, the music clear and flowing in his head. He picked up a pen and canceled the notes he'd written in the morning for George. He wrote in the new ones now, but when he tried to fit the entire bar, the music still clashed. He dropped his pen and stared at the music sheets on the desk. What would happen if he couldn't do it?

The thought filled his head and he clung to the table as panic reared its head with vengeance. He sank into the chair he'd been seating on and tried to take a deep breath. This was so silly.

Why couldn't he control the absurd tight feeling in his chest? He took in a deep breath. He let it out slowly, eyes closed. He could do this. He would finish this score and get back to his life in Japan. A tough, involved tour was just what he needed.

The door swung open and he jerked up to his feet in a panic. His chest tightened and he gasped as the world tilted. He held on to the control console and tried to breathe as Joshua had shown him. His heart was beating as if it wanted to jump out of his chest. He gasped for air as Lily hurried to his side, and pushed him into the chair.

"Jeez, Alexi, I'm getting worried about this." Lily rubbed his back gently as he tried to get a grip. "It's getting worse; you can't even leave the penthouse for a walk. We need to see a doctor."

"It's fine." He breathed slowly, his eyes closed as he tried to get a hold of the absurd feeling. "It's just a panic attack. I don't want to go through what I did in Osaka, Lily. Please, it will go away."

"That's what you told me right before that concert and then you couldn't step on that stage. We're back to this again." Lily sighed and turned to the table to gather the music sheets he'd been working on. "Let's go home. You need to rest. I'm making sure tomorrow you don't work."

"Come on, Lily."

Alexi protested as she shoved the sheets into a folder and rounded on him. Her dark eyes were flashing with concern. He sighed.

"Fine, I'll sleep in. I'll even go for a walk to the park so that you see I'm fine."

"I'd settle for you returning to your usual rituals. It's nice out now, go out for a run as you used to. You're getting pale in the summer, Alexi. People will start thinking you have a terminal disease."

"Give it a rest already."

Alexi stood up and shook his head. He was still a little dizzy but he didn't want Lily to see him swaying. He didn't want to imagine a trip to the doctor. Lily gave him a critical glance before she held out her left hand to him.

"Come on then, don't pass out on the way to the car. I can't carry you."

Lily led him out of the studio.

"Why don't you call Joshua?" she asked as they headed to the elevator. "Go out, have some fun, I thought you told me you liked him."

"Don't you think the situation is complicated enough?"

Alexi punched the elevator button and stood scowling at the numbers. He hated feeling like an invalid. His panic attacks were increasing, and they caught him at unexpected moments. He'd hate Joshua to see him like that again.

"My phone is ringing off the hook. Adrian won't stop calling. Will you have my number changed?"

"First thing tomorrow morning," Lily promised.

She'd hired a car service to take him back and forth from the penthouse to work since his panic attacks made an appearance. He couldn't risk having one in a public place and having to rely on strangers for help. He figured Lily had the same thought. She waited for him to settle in the back passenger seat before she continued quietly as the driver took off.

"We need to find a solution soon. The summer program is starting next week. We can't have you panicking in front of a bunch of co-eds."

He'd almost forgotten about the program. He sighed and leaned his head back on the headrest. He might have to medicate to deal with the anxiety of facing those students. He could just imagine teaching in a class and doubling over because he couldn't breathe. He shuddered at the image.

****

It was officially summertime.

Joshua swam his tenth lap in the university indoor swimming pool at the natatorium and came up for air in the shallow end. He leaned against the wall barely out of breath. He loved swimming in the summer. The water was cool against his skin as it rolled down in droplets. He glanced up in time to see two young ladies walk by giving him appreciative glances.

He grinned.

It was a pity. The only eyes he wanted giving him that look had disappeared three weeks ago. Alexi wasn't picking his calls and he was never home. He'd tried to visit three times. Each time, the doorman had told him that Mr. Kotaru wasn't in. He'd called Lily but she was always too busy to talk. He didn't know what to do. He sank deeper into the water, his legs folded under him. He thought about doing a few more laps before he called it quits and headed home.

"I was told I'd find you here." A cheerful feminine voice said above him.

He glanced up to find Lily standing a few feet away. She looked good in emerald green. Her short skirt and sleeveless top matched the summer weather. Her feet were in matching flat sandals. Big dark glasses rested on her delicate nose, her short pixie hair wind blown. She grinned at him and he smiled.

"Hey, superstar," he greeted. "Are you auditioning for a movie?"

"Only if the co-stars are two gay men," she replied. "Are you one of them?"

Joshua laughed and got out of the pool. His trunks clung to his legs as water dripped down. He used his right hand to sweep hair back away from his eyes.

"I was just thinking about you." He smiled at her. "I've been calling your phone."

"That's why I came." Lily gave him a once over and sighed. "Go ahead and change, I'll buy you a tall cold one."

She winked at him and he laughed at her joke. He flicked water at her with his free hand and she jumped away with a short laugh.

"I'll be right back."

He hurried off to change. In the men's changing room, he rinsed off quickly and dried negligently. He couldn't help the excitement at the fact that Lily was looking for him. He dressed fast in Khaki shorts and a white t-shirt. He jammed his feet into his sandals and packed up his gear. He found Lily waiting for him at the steps outside the athletics center. She sat eating a Popsicle.

He slowed down and went to sit beside her. She held out one for him. He stared at it for a moment before he asked her.

"How's Alexi?" He tried to sound casual about it as he took the Popsicle, but he doubted he managed.

"He's fair." She turned to look at him. "Actually, I came to talk to you about him. I want you to go see him."

Joshua removed the wrapping on his Popsicle, took a small bite of the green ice-cold stick, and let it melt in his mouth.

"He won't answer my calls."

Lily sighed. "I'm sorry about that. I had to change his phone number because we've been having some issues. I should have sent you his new one."

"Are those issues the reason why he was so cold to me?" Joshua asked meeting her troubled gaze. "Something obviously happened; can you tell me about it?"

Lily looked at him for a moment, her dark glasses hiding her expression. She looked away with another sigh.

"I wish I could tell you. All I can say is that he's struggling with his music, and just generally. I know he's not answering his calls, but please even if it's a few minutes. Pass by the penthouse."

"I've come by a couple of times." Joshua confessed taking another bite of his Popsicle. "The doorman send me away saying Alexi wasn't at home."

"I'll talk to the doorman." She reached for her handbag and rummaged in it for a moment before she pulled out a red swipe card. "Here, this is a security card for the elevator. You should be able to get up there with no trouble."

Joshua took the card she was holding out and frowned.

"You're really worried," he observed as she finished her Popsicle.

Lily stood up and smiled down at him.

"I'm always worried when it comes to Alexi. It's my job. He's at home for the next three days. Promise you'll come, Joshua. He really needs you."

Joshua stared at the card she'd given him and gave a small nod. He did want to see Alexi. He glanced up to find Lily walking down the steps hurrying to her next appointment. He wondered if she ever lived just for herself.

*****

Alexi couldn't move. He'd spent the past fifteen minutes staring at the elevator doors thinking about going out to the park. He still hadn't moved. He sat on a bench by the front closet staring at his sneakers. He sighed and leaned down to tie his shoelaces.

It was a step forward.

Tie the laces; make sure his pants weren't sweeping the ground. Stand up, get to the elevator and go downstairs. Simple tasks, one-step at a time, he had to get past this ridiculous need to hide.

He was at the elevator when the doors opened. Alexi took a step back, ready to run. He fought the urge fiercely holding his ground. He couldn't believe what he was becoming. He wasn't this person. He couldn't be this coward.

"Alexi." Joshua's voice filled the room and he gasped as he finally realized someone had been in the elevator. "Are you alright?"

He drank in the sight of the taller man. Electric blue eyes filled with concern, a frown creasing that handsome forehead. Why was Joshua here? Alexi blinked as Joshua moved closer to place a hand on his shoulder.

"You look pale." Joshua caressed his jaw before he looked around the house. "Are you home alone?"

He frowned. "Why shouldn't I be home alone? I'm not a child you know."

"I didn't say you were." Joshua turned his frown on him. "You're so irritable. I'm not your enemy, Alexi. I'm just worried about you. Lily told me you weren't feeling well."

"I'm fine."

Alexi tried to take a step away from Joshua. He didn't like the way his heart was racing in excitement. Any faster and he was going to be admitted into a hospital. He rubbed a hand over his chest and scowled at the handsome man.

"Joshua, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," Joshua replied. "You look like you were headed out. I'll come with you."

"I've changed my mind." Alexi declared and started to turn around.

"Nonsense," Joshua said and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Joshua turned him toward the elevator. "It's very sunny today. Don't you want to get popsicles?"

"We can order them in. There is a grocery store that delivers." Alexi started to protest.

"Nope, you have to get them from a street vendor. Those taste the best. Come on, we're going for a walk. You need the sun. You're way too pale."

Joshua hurried him into the elevator and they were suddenly in the lobby. Alexi paused at the doors when a group of five people walked in talking excitedly. Joshua grinned as they greeted them.

Alexi tried to hang back, but Joshua grabbed his hand and laced their fingers tightly. He sent Joshua a pleading glance, hoping Joshua would understand that he couldn't do this. Not right now. Joshua squeezed his fingers gently and pulled him toward the bright afternoon outside.

Alexi took in a deep breath fighting the panic as they stepped out on to the street. Joshua smiled at him warmly and started leading the way to the park.

"I'm right here, Alexi," Joshua assured him as they crossed a street. "I won't leave you."

*****

Twelve

"Here."

Joshua held out a green Popsicle and Alexi took it. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had one. They were at the park, seated on a bench under a large tree. Kids played on the grass, parents watching them like hawks while they sat on the benches talking to friends, young guys in one corner throwing a Frisbee. A couple stood talking a few feet away. The woman was agitated, and she was making jerky hand motions.

Joshua cleared his throat and mimicked her voice.

"I can't take it anymore. I have to let you know. You're a bore in bed, and I hate how you chew your food."

Alexi laughed.

Joshua continued, this time he changed his tone because the man was talking with a forbidding expression.

"Well, honey, maybe if you exercised a bit, the sex wouldn't be so mediocre. I chew the way I do because of your cooking."

She gasped and slapped the man's face, and Alexi brought a hand up to his mouth in surprise holding back a laugh. Joshua glanced at him and chuckled.

"Should I continue?"

Alexi shook his head as the man walked away and the lady stared after him her fists clenched tightly.

"No, she might come to slap you too."

He turned to find Joshua watching him.

Joshua reached out and touched the corner of his mouth gently. Alexi wrinkled his nose at the touch.

"Do I have something on my face?"

"No," Joshua replied. "I've missed your smile. It's good to see it."

Alexi blushed. Darn man was so distracting. He licked the frozen treat and asked casually.

"Why did you really come to the penthouse?"

"I came to see you because you've been avoiding me. Do you feel like talking about it?"

"No."

Alexi stared at his lime-flavored ice. He blinked when he realized he wasn't shaking. His hand was steadily holding the green treat. Strange, even the inexplicable fear he'd been experiencing seemed to have dissipated. He took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. It felt good to be a bit in control.

"I'm sorry for not answering your calls. I was just-"

"Forget about it," Joshua cut in gently.

He sat back on the bench and stretched his feet out in a relaxed pose.

"Let's just enjoy the day. I had a swim today; you should come along one of these days. You'll love it. The students are very excited about the summer program. Are you ready for it?"

Alexi sat back on the bench to find Joshua had tossed his arm over the back of the bench. He stiffened for a moment, but when Joshua didn't move his arm, he relaxed.

"I'm a bit nervous actually. It's been a while since I talked to a group of people."

"Come on, you're the famous Alexander Kotaru. You can do anything you put your mind to, Alexi."

Alexi frowned. Did everybody look at him and see confidence? The expectation made it harder to deal with the reality. He brought a hand to his right temple and rubbed gently.

"It's not so easy."

He dropped his hand and looked around the busy park.

"You're not second guessing your decision to do the program?" Joshua asked with concern. "There are a lot of people looking forward to it."

"Of course not," Alexi said. "I wouldn't do that to Lily, she's worked pretty hard to organize the schedule. I just-, I don't know how to explain it."

"You think too much."

Joshua took their wraps and threw them into a trashcan a few feet away. Once that was done, he took Alexi's hand and pulled him up.

"Come on, I have something to show you."

"I think we should go back to the penthouse."

Alexi stretched his arms above his head. He didn't want to push the limit on the comfortable zone he'd found. It felt good to be out in the open air and not worry about feeling as if he couldn't breathe. If he pushed it any longer, he was bound to find a trigger for his panic attacks. Joshua had other ideas.

"Not yet," Joshua said with a mysterious smile.

He led Alexi out of Bryant Park and they hailed a taxi. Joshua asked the taxi driver to head to Washington Square. Alexi got out of the cab first, sneaking a glance at his watch. It was around six o'clock in the evening. He wondered if they'd get back before-,

Joshua reached for his left hand and pulled off the watch.

"Stop worrying, Alexi. I'm your time keeper today."

The watch disappeared into Joshua's pocket and Alexi laughed at the tough luck expression on Joshua's face. The park was bustling: parents with kids; people walking dogs, Alexi smiled as a woman walked by them leading a Great Dane. The dog looked like it was leading her.

Joshua led him to the fountain. It was off and a man with an upright piano was poised in the middle of it playing classical music. Chopin filled the balmy evening. Joshua sat on a shallow step. His feet sprawled out and looked at Alexi expectantly when he didn't follow.

Alexi looked around taking in the scene. People sat around the fountain steps talking quietly, listening to the music; no one batted an eyelash or turned to look at them. They were just strangers in a crowd. He sank beside Joshua mesmerized by the anonymity.

Alexi's gaze wandered and fell on a young couple. The man sat holding the young woman against his chest. His fingers played with her red hair absently. He returned his attention to Joshua who was watching the man on his piano. Joshua's dark curly locks were so close. He couldn't help the urge to sink his fingers into the dark hair. The dark strands had a soft, silky texture, Alexi pulled at the strands to find they were long but the natural slight curl made them look short. He flashed a smile when Joshua tilted his head back to look at him.

"This is a first for me," he confessed quietly slightly in awe of the easy music flowing in to the evening. He'd never gotten a chance to see music like this. It was an impromptu exchange of beautiful interpretation. "I'm always the one performing, never the one listening."

"How do you like it?" Joshua asked lazily leaning back into Alexi's teasing fingers.

The music changed into Mozart and Alexi smiled.

"I love it. Mozart in the park, someone should take a picture and frame it."

Joshua pulled out his cell phone and held it out.

"Lean closer." Joshua ordered casually.

Alexi did as he asked his smile ready as Joshua snapped a picture before he turned the camera to the man in the middle of the fountain.

"I can imagine you sitting over there playing. I bet you'd have the whole park here."

Alexi shuddered, his fingers paused the slow massaging motion on Joshua's skull. He envied the man in the middle of the fountain, lost in his music, hardly aware that an audience sat around him listening, and if he was, it didn't seem to matter.

Alexi sighed.

At some point in the last year, he'd managed to lose that focus in his performance. He was always so acutely aware of the massive audience listening to him.

"I haven't been able to play before a crowd in a while."

The quiet confession surprised him. He hadn't meant to tell Joshua that, but saying it felt good. When Joshua didn't comment, he continued his gentle massage on Joshua's scalp. Mozart's Concerto no. 9 teased his senses and he smiled at the memory of learning it for the first time.

"I choked at a concert at the beginning of this year. I couldn't get on stage, I have a condition-, it's-," Alexi paused unable to describe his panic attacks, "it doesn't matter. The point is I ran away from my career in Japan, Joshua. I couldn't handle it anymore."

"Is that why you're struggling with your music at the studio?" Joshua asked his tone conversational. "Lily told me you were having some trouble."

Alexi shrugged not ready to talk about Adrian. He couldn't even think about that man without wanting to crawl into his bed for a week. How could he have been so blind? He removed his fingers from Joshua's hair when they started to tremble and clenched them into a tight fist on his lap.

"There are other reasons." He closed his eyes for a moment.

Joshua stopped taking pictures and stuck his phone into his pocket. He moved back to sit on the stair beside Alexi so that they were side by side. Joshua took his clenched fist and held it gently. Those amazing blue eyes met his and he felt a sense of calm fill him.

"You don't have to tell me, Alexi. I just want you to promise me one thing."

"What is that?"

"Don't shut me out. I can't stand it."

Alexi gasped quietly. The firm grip of Joshua's strong fingers closing over his filled him with assurance. Comfort burst inside of him, so easily given he clung to it tightly. Mozart faded away and a young woman with very long black hair with green highlights, a drummer and a guitarist joined the man in the fountain. They brought energy to the gathering, dressed in blue jeans and colorful t-shirts. They launched into a lively rendition of Madonna's Miles Away. The young woman urged the crowd to clap with her as she launched into the first verse; the beats on the drum had Alexi tapping his foot to the music.

As the chorus came along two more singers had joined her. The crowd clapped with the beats to the song and Alexi got to his feet clapping along with the audience. He looked at Joshua, wanting to thank him. Joshua grinned at him as he jumped around to the beat waving his hands around making Alexi laugh. They were silly antics that would look ridiculous with someone else. Alexi clapped for Joshua when he did a small bow.

He leaned over and pressed a kiss on Joshua's jaw. His cheeks flamed hot as Joshua stood still staring at him. The crowd cheered and Alexi cleared his throat and forced his attention back to the singers in the fountain. His heart pounding fast to the beats of the drum, he clapped along to the music filling his soul.

***

Joshua held the precious violin with care. Silver Studios apparently spared no penny with their studios. The live room was equipped with every type of music instrument known to man. He glanced around the room and shrugged.

George, the violinist working with Alexi, seemed hell bent on teaching him how to play an instrument; his fault for revealing he couldn't play any. One would think Alexi would have offered to teach him the piano. He'd rather play the piano than press down on strings that hurt the tips of his fingers.

He sneaked a glance at Alexi and hid a smile. Alexi was different at the studio, even seated on the carpeted floor as he was now; Alexi oozed confidence as he read music sheets. His concentration so focused, Joshua was starting to feel neglected.

George came up to him to take the violin and he made a face at her.

"Wait," Joshua said. "Wait for it, I have this."

George laughed and he grinned as he held the violin to his chin and ran the bow over the strings just as George had shown him. The sound that followed had him wincing and her covering her ears.

"My hearing is damaged." Alexi declared in irritation, music sheets strewn around him in a wild collage. Joshua smiled when those brown eyes finally looked at him. "You're musically challenged, Joshua. Let's accept that. We'll let you dance to the music."

"Don't be so harsh, Alexi," George said.

George helped him place his fingers on the violin strings correctly. She winked at him before she set the wand on the strings.

"Play it gently, not hard like you're trying to kill the strings."

Joshua smiled at her, and did as she asked. A low fine note came through and he beamed. It was like winning the lottery. He'd been trying to play it for the past ten minutes. He threw his hands up in victory. "I did it!"

"Yes you did." George praised with a beautiful smile.

He liked George. He liked the way she treated Alexi. She obviously looked up to his music genius, but she treated him as she would a big brother. She bickered and teased Alexi, speaking her mind without any qualms.

"You can be a pro, Josh," she said with a small clap.

"You're a good teacher, Georgia." He deliberately used her full name to see her eyes flash at him with irritation.

"Only my mother calls me that." She snapped at him and he laughed. "Alexi, control your pet."

"Alexi is my pet." Joshua retaliated winking at George and laughing when Alexi threw a pen at him. He handed the violin to George and went to join Alexi on the floor. He crossed his bare feet and picked up one of the music sheets. "Is this what you've been writing?"

George put the violin on top of the piano and came to join them on the floor. They formed a loose circle around Alexi's music sheets. She picked up the last page and waved it at Alexi.

"He's been stressing over the last three bars of the score. You'd think the world is ending."

"It's awful." Alexi reached for the sheet but she held it away from him. "Give it here, George."

"He gets very irritable when you mess with his work." George informed Joshua with a slight wink.

Alexi glared at her and crossed his arms against his chest. She made a face before she handed Alexi the sheet music.

"Are you working the summer program with Alexi?" George asked.

"I'm just coordinating the students," Joshua answered.

Joshua arranged the music sheets according to the numbers on the bottom page. Alexi had an elegant handwriting; the footnotes were neatly printed. He paused when he got to one on the fifteenth page written in Japanese. He frowned as he tried to make out the characters. He was rusty, but he was sure of his translation.

"Electric blue," he read out. "What does that mean? Is it the name of the score?"

Alexi gasped and grabbed the paper out of his hands. "It's nothing important."

Joshua glanced at George puzzled by the reaction before they both looked at Alexi. Alexi's cheeks were flushed red. Joshua knew that color well. He'd seen it the night before in the dimming sunset right after Alexi had pressed a soft kiss to his jaw.

He'd dreamt about that kiss in the park. He'd woken up wishing Alexi were beside him instead of at the penthouse. It was the main reason why he was here now. After doing his laundry, and cleaning up the house, he'd called Alexi to ask him out for lunch. Alexi had invited him for lunch at the studio because he couldn't get away. He'd yet to see the lunch, but being around Andy, George and Alexi was insightful. Music was truly where Alexi lived. Alexi came alive in this live room. There was no trace of the uncertain young man he'd found at the elevator last evening.

"Josh, earth to Joshua," George cut into his thoughts and he turned to her. "Do you want pineapple on your Pizza?"

"Argh, why mix fruit with pizza?" He made a face and she laughed.

"I like to experiment. Alexi eats a veggie pizza, so what kind will you have?" George asked.

"The normal kind, with pepperoni and sausages no onions," he said. "Pineapple, what is the world coming to?"

"You have to get your vitamins somehow." George stood up. "Looks like you and Andy are one of a kind. I'll go order. No messing around until I've closed the door, you two."

"Who's messing around?" Alexi asked, gazing intently at the first page on his sheet music.

Joshua reached out to touch the brown hair falling over Alexi's eyes. "I think she has a good idea. I want to kiss you, Alexi."

Alexi's eyes met his as he moved closer mesmerized by the high color on Alexi's face.

"George and Andy are in the next room..."

Joshua leaned close, so close their breaths mingled. Alexi licked his lower lip and he studied the motion before he murmured, "They can't see us."

He didn't give Alexi a chance to back away. He pressed his lips to Alexi's, his right hand slipping to the back of Alexi's head. He held him steady as he kissed him thoroughly. The music sheets in Alexi's hand slipped and fell to the carpet. Alexi moaned slightly and moved closer, his fingers bunching the front of Joshua's beige t-shirt. Their kiss deepened until they were both breathing hard. Joshua pulled back slowly, giving them both time to calm down. He tasted Alexi's lips with a small swipe of his tongue. Alexi's grip on his t-shirt tightened for a moment.

"I like doing that," Joshua said with a smile when Alexi opened his eyes. "Your lips are addictive."

"Just my lips," Alexi asked his eyes shining with amusement.

"I like the rest of you too, but kissing you is the best part. I'm sure I'll find more to be addicted to soon." Joshua grinned when the flush returned.

"George will be back soon." Alexi's hold on his t-shirt slackened and Joshua sighed in disappointment.

Joshua pressed a kiss to Alexi's flushed cheeks and pulled back reluctantly. He needed to figure out a way to get Alexi in a very secluded and private place. He wanted more than stolen kisses on the streets and at work. He wanted Alexi period. He blew out his frustration on a short breath and gave Alexi some space.

"She's a firecracker that one."

"That was nice of you to let her teach you the violin. She's very pushy and people find it rude-"

"It was exciting." Joshua assured Alexi helping him pick the sheet music again. "Why are you struggling with your composition?"

"It's a small part." Alexi put the sheets in to a folder and pushed his hair back. "The orchestrator is hard at work; hopefully I'll have finished it by the time he gets to the end."

"Orchestrator," Joshua asked completely clueless about such a job. "I thought when you write the music, people play it and that's over?"

Alexi smiled at his conclusion. "I write original music, give it to the orchestrator with instructions on certain parts, and he arranges the music for the different instruments in the orchestra. When he's done, we'll work on performing and recording the actual film score."

"That sounds involved," Joshua said. "I'm not sure things will be as easy as you're making them sound at the end."

"The more people included, the more complicated production gets, but the end product is what matters." Alexi pushed up to his feet just as George walked in. He held out his hand to Joshua. "I hate and love that last cycle. It can get frustrating when people make their own interpretations of the music."

"He means he'll get mean and moody." George explained. "You should see him throw a tantrum. It's scary."

Joshua used the momentum from Alexi's pull to get up. "You've worked together before?"

George came to stand beside Alexi a slender arm going around his waist. Alexi dropped his own over her shoulder and squeezed affectionately.

"Didn't you know?" George smirked at him. "I met Alexi in London when he first started music in the big leagues. Those days he was a high-strung kind of guy. Loved to party, and get in trouble. His agent used to show up at his house at twelve o'clock at night to make sure he was taking care of himself."

"Really," Joshua met Alexi's gaze. "You don't seem the type."

"Everyone has a dark side." Alexi shrugged it off and tugged Georgia's ponytail. "Stop telling tales, you're messing up the vibe."

"I'm helping the vibe along," George replied wiggling her eyebrows at Alexi. Joshua laughed and she winked at him. "I like him, Alexi. This one is definitely a keeper."

Alexi let go of her ponytail and shook his head as he turned to look at Joshua. Joshua couldn't help noting the speculative glance. Alexi smiled at him before he turned George toward the door.

"I'm starving, let's go find out how long the food is going to take. Come on, Josh," Alexi said with a light tone. "I promised to feed you. I don't want you to change your mind about hanging with me."

Alexi flashed him a sexy smile and Joshua groaned. He followed the pair out of the live room, his thoughts centered on formulating a full proof plan to get Alexi alone. It was time to find out just how much trouble Alexi could stand. He laughed quietly at the thought.

****

Thirteen

A soft touch on Alexi's shoulder woke him up. He lifted his head pulling off a piece of music paper stuck to his cheek. He'd been lying over the closed lid of his piano in the studio.

"Let's go home," Lily said dressed in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, her feet in flip-flops. She reached for the music sheets he'd left on top of the piano. "It's almost midnight."

He jumped to his feet and grabbed the sheets out of her hands.

"Stop, get Andy. I finished it."

"What?" Lily frowned at him. "Can't you do the recording in the morning? George passed out in the lounge room and Andy is on the couch in the control room and-"

"It has to be now when it's still fresh in my head. Please get George now."

How had he fallen asleep?

He hurried out of the live room because Lily wasn't moving fast enough. He stopped short when he found Andy on the couch, and Joshua sprawled in an armchair beside the couch with a magazine over his chest, his head thrown back and his mouth slightly open.

When had Joshua come in?

Alexi stepped closer fascinated by the sight of a sleeping Joshua. He looked so...

Alexi reached out to touch the tips of Joshua's eyelashes, dark, long and curled against tanned skin. He smiled when Joshua shifted. Alexi stepped back and bit back a laugh when Joshua's hand came up to rub his nose.

He moved over to the couch and poked Andy in the stomach. "Wake up."

Andy groaned and rolled over. The couch wasn't large enough for Andy's roll, Alexi jumped back as the larger man fell off.

"Ow...damn it!"

A few curses followed and Alexi shook his head when Andy scowled at him from the floor.

"Come on, I finished the score, let's get to work."

Joshua hadn't moved. The magazine threatened to drop to the ground.

Alexi reached out to save it only to have his hand captured by a strong warm one. The magazine fell to the floor as his eyes flew to sleepy blue ones. He lost his balance and tumbled onto Joshua's lap in the armchair.

Joshua pulled him into a hug his face buried into Joshua's neck. He closed his eyes taking in Joshua's warm scent.

Andy got to his feet, he tried to pull back but Joshua held him fast.

Andy yawned grumbling about wanting to be in his girlfriend's arms too. More about neurotic musicians and their workaholic tendencies..., Alexi scowled at Andy.

Lily came in leading a sleepy George into the live room.

"Josh, I gotta get this done."

Joshua sighed sleepily.

"Pay the toll. I haven't seen you in a day. This film score is punishing me."

Alexi chuckled. "We saw each other all day yesterday."

"Yes, then you sent me home alone. That's what I call torture. It didn't help that you called off our date earlier. I had to come and see you." Joshua combed his fingers through Alexi's hair again. "I miss you when we're not together."

"Will this take long?" Andy asked looking at them amused. "I can always go back to the couch."

Alexi blushed at the knowing look on Andy's face.

"Josh let me up."

"Pay the toll." Joshua insisted, his hold on his arm firm.

Alexi looked into sleep ridden blue eyes. The dark five o'clock shadow on Joshua's jaw gave him a rugged, epically handsome look. Alexi sighed. Electric blue eyes dared him for a kiss. How could he resist the challenge?

Andy pulled out his chair at the control board. Lily came out of the live room carrying empty coffee cups.

"I'll go make some more coffee. Alexi, you keep leaving coffee cups in the live room."

She paused when she saw them. She stopped complaining and went about collecting empty coffee mugs. Alexi turned into Joshua, pressing closer until he was close enough to see into those thrilling blue eyes. Close enough to see them turn a deeper blue before he fitted his lips to Joshua's soft ones.

He ran the tip of his tongue along Joshua's lower lip, his fingers skimming over Joshua's jaw. Eyes closed he melted in to the pleasure of kissing Joshua.

Joshua allowed his gentle invasion for a moment. And then Joshua took over, his tongue teasing, cajoling Alexi to open his mouth, he did on a gasp and Joshua deepened the kiss. He tumbled headlong into their combined heat. Joshua's fingers in his hair tightened. Alexi moaned.

Andy cleared his throat and his eyes flew open. He jerked his mouth from Joshua and buried his face into Joshua's chest, his breath coming fast. Joshua chuckled.

"You're driving me insane," Joshua murmured into his left ear sending a series of thrilling shivers down his spine. "Go before I lose the strength to let you run."

Alexi got up reluctantly and headed into the live room dazed. The pressurized door closed after him and as he sat at the piano, his body vibrated with excitement. He touched his lips gently.

He wanted to abandon all caution and allow himself the luxury of kissing Joshua. Be with him somewhere private where they could do more than kiss. He smiled wider as his fingers dropped to the piano keys. George stood at her stand, her violin braced on her shoulders as she read the music sheets Lily had laid out for her.

It was just after midnight.

He sat in a studio about to lay down the final version of a film score in a major motion picture: a major plus for his music career. His heart pounded in his chest as he suddenly realized his excitement had nothing to do with the music but with the man waiting for him in the control room.

****

Joshua sat beside Andy his eyes glued on Alexi as he sat at the piano. George stretched her arms over her head, her violin in hand, obviously trying to wake up. Joshua's gaze returned to Alexi who sat reading his notes intently.

"This might be it, but with Alexi it's hard to tell. I could have sworn he had it a week ago." Andy informed him. "If it is, we're in for two days off."

Two days off, Joshua filed the tit bit away.

He planned to take advantage of those two days with Alexi. Alexi did a small warm up on the piano, the short melody fast as slender fingers raced over the keys. George adjusted the sheet music on her stand.

Andy counted them down, and Alexi began to play the full score from the top. He started slow, caressing the keys, coaxing the piano to life. Alexi's melody was graceful, liquid like flowing water. George joined in with her violin, her melody forcing a magnetic coupling. Passionate, fast, powerful, it blended in with Alexi's elegant piano dance.

Alexi closed his eyes as he played. Joshua wondered if he was thinking about their kiss a minute ago. Or maybe it was their kiss yesterday on the live room floor. Or the ones they'd shared before. His heart pounded to the pace of the heated music filling the room. It resonated with their simple, yet complex relationship, how much he wanted Alexi to think about him. He needed Alexi to want him.

Lily appeared at his left elbow and handed him a mug of coffee. He smiled his thanks as she raised her brow at Andy.

"Tell me this is the end."

Andy knocked on the wooden counter and she sighed. Joshua frowned at her reaction.

"Is there a deadline?" he asked.

"The director is making noises. Alexi's constant rewrites are causing stress for the orchestrator. We're all hoping Alexi finishes writing the original score. Orchestration will be a breeze." Lily sighed again, her gaze fixed on Alexi as she listened to the music. "His composition is complex, layered. He's packing a punch with this one."

"It reminds me of a storm how the wind and the rain fight each other, pushing and pulling, soft then hard. I'd love to hear an orchestra play it."

"You will." Lily nudged his elbow. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked unaware of having done anything that needed thanking.

"You don't know?" Lily frowned at him when he stared at her clueless.

She rolled her eyes feigning exasperation.

"You are electric blue. The manna from heaven that makes music flow, he didn't sleep a wink the last two nights getting this done. I don't know what you did to him after the evening at the park. He hasn't stopped writing since."

Joshua couldn't help the wide smile remembering the words scrolled on sheet music. Alexi pulling them out of his hands with a flushed face, so that's what electric blue meant. He pushed away his mug of coffee.

His heart filled with elation at the idea of Alexi thinking about him while he wrote his music. Each note, a love letter to him, sliding over his skin like a white silver thread, tying him, binding him to Alexi. He stood up and moved to the windows to watch Alexi playing.

The piano paused, allowing the violin to reign over the melody. Alexi glanced up and their eyes met as full-bodied trills filled with passion, hot, wild, Joshua held his breath as it peaked and the piano joined in. Alexi played from memory, his gaze no longer staring at the notes, but at him. Graceful piano notes melding, binding, and weaving into the violin's ardent dance. The end came too soon with a final single note from the piano.

Joshua stood staring at Alexi. Every cell in his body wanted nothing more than to run over and hold him forever. He was turning into a sap, his sister would be proud. It didn't change the truth.

He wanted to be with Alexi.

Possess him.

Listen to him talk about his frustration when the music refused to come. Watch him cook in his kitchen, laugh when Alexi broke into Japanese tirades. Tease him about the ipod he'd found tucked in his leather folder filled with pop music. And they hadn't even had sex yet.

He smiled.

A jumbled series of claps jerked him out of his thoughts and he turned to find the control room filled with unfamiliar people. Andy was busy pushing on buttons on the control board replaying the music. He frowned when Lily pulled open the live room door and hurried to engulf Alexi in a hug.

Confusion ensued, George and Lily hugging Alexi, jumping around in celebration. The strange people behind him turned out to be other musicians who'd been working too. They also entered the live room. He tried to get in but couldn't. Too many people, Alexi moved from one person to another, he couldn't get to him.

He was ready to start punching his way to whoever had his Alexi when Alexi suddenly appeared before him. Words were insufficient to describe his emotions at this point. He reached for Alexi and pulled him into a deep kiss.

Lily whistled and George clapped. Alexi pulled back with a wide smile.

"I was hoping it would happen when I was around." George whistled. "It certainly makes up for the midnight wake up call."

"Let's celebrate." Lily declared a general cheer accompanied her words. "Drinks on me, let's go out."

Alexi trembled in his arms, caught in the heat of the moment. Joshua sank his fingers into his brown hair and pressed a kiss on the top of Alexi's head. He didn't want to let him go. He didn't want to share Alexi tonight. Alexi looked up at him. He was glad to see his thoughts reflected in brown eyes.

"I'm taking Alexi," Joshua told Lily quietly.

She glanced at Alexi. Andy and George talked animatedly to the rest of the staff as they planned the impromptu party.

Lily met Alexi's bright brown eyes and raised an eyebrow in question.

"I'll go with Josh," Alexi told Lily with a firm tone.

Alexi pulled away from him to grab his folder of notes from the piano. Lily picked the ones George had been using and took the folder from Alexi.

"Give these notes to the orchestrator," Alexi said.

Joshua captured Alexi's right hand and held it tightly happy that Alexi was coming with him.

"We'll be at my house," Joshua said to Lily.

Lily gave him a warning glance. "Not a hair out of place."

He didn't know about a hair out of place, he figured Lily was better of not knowing what he wanted to do with Alexi.

"Lily," Alexi gasped at her warning. "I don't need a mother."

"You get it anyway."

She gave Alexi a meaningful glance that seemed to subdue Alexi's irritation with her warning. He wondered what it meant. Before he could ask what Lily was so concerned about, Alexi led him out of the live room and the studio.

Joshua held Alexi's hand tightly through the fast ride to his house. He didn't let go until they were inside his house. He'd left the lights in the hall on so they weren't in the dark. He locked the door and turned to find Alexi yawning into the sleeve of his white sweater.

"I can't believe I'm finished," Alexi said in to the silence that followed.

Alexi looked like a man who'd been up all night. Wrapped in his thick white sweater that was over a white t-shirt and white slacks, there were dark shadows under his eyes.

He needed rest, Joshua thought.

Alexi looked around the small hall before he glanced at him with a pout.

"You dragged me here to stand there and stare at me?"

Joshua chuckled at the disappointed pout. He pushed off the door and closed the distance between them pulling Alexi into his arms.

"Congratulations, Alexi," he murmured, pressing a kiss on Alexi's jaw.

Alexi wrapped his arms around Joshua's waist.

A shiver raced up Joshua's spine at the touch. He buried his nose into Alexi's neck pressing a kiss on the elegant curve.

His hands moved over Alexi's back a slow caress that slid down to the curve of Alexi's ass. Alexi inhaled sharply, pressing closer to him. He lifted his head to capture Alexi's parted lips in a heated kiss, memorizing the taste of him. Lust spiked through his senses when Alexi moaned and wrapped arms around his neck.

He deepened their kiss feeding on the sweetness of Alexi's mouth. He lifted Alexi and turned to pin him against the wall, trapping him as he worked on igniting Alexi's need.

"Josh." Alexi's moan had him biting gently at Alexi's soft full bottom lip.

Heat coursed through his body, lancing to his aching erection. He shifted Alexi fully into his arms, and moaned in approval when Alexi wrapped his legs around his waist. He sucked on the sensitive spot he'd just bitten on Alexi's neck leaving a mark.

Alexi squirmed prompting another groan from him. He carried Alexi toward his bedroom, his progress slow as Alexi licked at his lips, trailing teasing kisses along his jaw to his ear. He shuddered when Alexi run a soft tongue around his earlobe, settling in to gently suck on his left earlobe. His jeans chafed against his erection as he entered his bedroom stopping a few feet from the king sized bed.

***

Joshua carried him to the bedroom and put him on his feet by the large bed. He started undressing him, Joshua's hands and mouth caressing as though paying homage, every touch of lips or fingers sending fresh exquisite sensations through his body. His own hands trembled, fumbled at jean buttons, strayed from them to burrow and touch Joshua's back, feel the firmness of his flesh under his red t-shirt.

At last their clothing was in heaps and tangles on the carpeted floor. Joshua held him, bent his head to kiss his nipples, tongue flicking at the hard nubs, they responded threatening to burst themselves. He moaned as Joshua took one of his nipples between his lips. He reached for Joshua's erection, held the long hard length tightly, and ran his thumb gently over the swollen head.

Joshua lifted him bodily, mouth still at his right nipple carried him the two steps to the bed, and lowered them both down on it. They stroked, caressed, kissed with all the bedroom lights burning, their eyes open. Their senses demanding they learn every line, plane, contour, taste of each other's bodies. He shuddered from spasm of sensation as Joshua continued to arouse him with kisses trailing down his stomach to his hard cock. His thighs parted, giving Joshua access and he arched his back in a silent moan when Joshua took him into his mouth, and sucked on him.

Fingers bunched in the silky sheets, he clung to sanity as Joshua worked on taking it away, relentlessly driving him to the edge. His focus reduced to Joshua and that wicked tongue tapping on him, teasing a spot right under his sensitive head. The sensations driving him to the edge, he was ready to explode.

Joshua sucked on him, bathing him with hot saliva, he screamed, only to lose that push needed to take him over when Joshua pulled away.

His eyes flew open and he glanced down to find Joshua smiling.

"Do something," he demanded, his hips unable to stay still.

He wanted to come right now. He moved to take his aching cock in his hand but Joshua stopped him. Those azure eyes were forbidding as Joshua came up, pushing his hands up to the headboard above him.

He closed his eyes when Joshua gave him his full weight, his thighs parted, his cock grinding against Joshua's. A soft brush of hot lips on his had him opening his eyes to look into those amazing eyes. Joshua grinded against him and he groaned his fingers curling into fists in Joshua's tight grip. He moved his hips up to meet Joshua's slow grind, feeling like he might implode. He was so hard; he wanted to come so much.

"Josh, please," he begged in a heated whisper, his lips against Joshua's teasing ones.

"Please what?" Joshua asked softly. "Tell me, Alexi."

"I need you, please..." Joshua reached between them with one hand and stroked his cock nipping hotly at the curve of his neck. Alexi arched into the caress and begged. "Please..."

Joshua's hand let go of his and he reached for the bedside table. Alexi watched him pull the drawer open. Joshua pulled out a bottle of lube and a pack of condoms that he spilled on the bed. Alexi smiled glad to see he wasn't the only in a hurry. He picked up one of the silver packets and ripped it with his teeth. Joshua knelt on the bed and he sat up to slide the condom on Joshua's hardness. He looked into those blue eyes as he slid his hand down slowly covering Joshua's hard cock with the condom.

Once he was done, he pressed a kiss on the tip, and lay back on the pillows. Joshua coated his cock with lube and threw the bottle on the edge of the bed. He leaned over him and guided the tip of his erection to his puckered opening.

Alexi closed his eyes as he tried to relax. Joshua pushed into him slowly, firmly, relentless, when the head slipped in, he clung to the sheets at the fullness. He bit his lip as Joshua eased his way in, moving slow. He worked on relaxing his tight muscles. It had been a long time, and the waves of pain as Joshua stretched him open were new and foreign, they bordered on pleasure that had him breathing out slowly. Joshua didn't stop his gentle invasion until his long hard erection was fully inside Alexi.

Joshua stilled, leaning over him, they met in a deep kiss. He moved his hips slightly, his channel clinging to Joshua's fullness, wanting more, needing Joshua to move. His hands slid over Joshua's arms, he moved against Joshua urging him to move. His fingers slid down to run over Joshua's hips.

Joshua pulled back slowly, and surged in sliding over his prostate. Blinding lights exploded behind his eyes and he stiffened, his fingers digging into Joshua's hips. Joshua pulled out finding that spot again, stroking it over and over, and over, he trembled with increasing tension. Fire raged through him, his breathing reduced to gasps and labored breaths. Joshua kept up his pleasure assault until he sobbed in blinding ecstasy. His hands came up to pull Joshua's lips into a kiss that had him rocking his hips into Joshua surging strokes. Their pace increased, Joshua sunk deeper into him until they both came hard.

After a few moments, Joshua moved to slide off him, but Alexi wouldn't have it. He clung to Joshua not ready to give up their closeness. He wanted to wake up feeling Joshua inside him. Joshua wrapped an arm around his shoulder and rolled them to the side. Alexi pressed closer, his thigh high on Joshua's waist as he closed his eyes, inhaling deep their mingled scent. He drifted into sleep with Joshua holding him tight.

****

Fourteen

Joshua lay staring at the ceiling, his feet on the side of the headboard. Beside him, Alexi lay half-covered by a silver sheet, his skin golden in the daylight. The bed was a mess of covers, pillows strewn on the floor. He turned to his side and ran a hand over Alexi's back, caressing the soft skin.

"Water," Alexi said, shifting slightly. "I need water then I'll let you do anything."

Joshua chuckled. "Are you battering wild sexual favors for water?"

"I've already dished those out. I don't think I can move."

Joshua pushed away the sheets to find his lover's face. The silky fabric sliding over Alexi's sensitive skin awarded him a soft moan as it slid to the carpeted floor. Alexi's head was by his hip. As impossible as it seemed, his cock surged to life at the sight of soft parted lips. His body remembering the feel of those lips against him, sucking, licking, torturing, he sighed. He should have known being with Alexi would turn into a mind blowing round of sex.

He sat up, and leaned over Alexi's disheveled hair. His fingers moving slowly, caressing Alexi's back, enjoying the way Alexi surged into his touch. A soft moan came when he trailed kisses along the curve of Alexi's neck.

"I'll get you your water," he murmured into Alexi's ear.

Alexi grunted as Joshua got off the bed and headed out of his bedroom naked.

In the kitchen, Joshua got a glass from the cupboard and stopped by the fridge to fill it with ice cubes. His thoughts filled with the unimaginable night he'd just spent with Alexi. Insatiable, unending pleasure; words he hadn't thought of in a while. He wasn't getting enough of Alexi, it didn't help that it got better each time. After that first time, they had drifted to sleep. He'd woken up three hours later to find Alexi licking at his hard cock. They'd joined in a frenzy, with Alexi straddled over him. Alexi had taken control riding him hard until he'd come, pulsing into Alexi while he clung to grinding hips.

Water splashed onto his hand and he sighed as he realized he was over filling the glass. He closed the tap and sipped the water to reduce it. He returned to the bedroom to find Alexi hadn't moved. His slender naked back was marked with red love bites. He sat on the bed and pressed the cool glass to Alexi's shoulder.

"That's mean." Alexi lifted his head to look at him. "You have a mean streak, Josh."

"You're the one who was torturing my sleeping body."

Joshua watched him sit up tucking his feet under him. He handed over the glass.

Alexi drank the water thirstily. The ice cubes tinkled the glass as he finished with the water.

Joshua reached out to wipe a drop off the corner of Alexi's mouth. His hand dropped away from that perfect mouth.

"What time is it?" Alexi asked after a moment.

He glanced at the clock on the bedside table.

"Almost two in the afternoon," he answered.

He took the glass from Alexi and put it on the floor. He stood up and pulled Alexi up into his arms.

"Come and take a shower with me. I'll hold you up if you can't stand."

Alexi chuckled. "A shower sounds good, but you're probably not going to be content with that."

"Oh yeah," Joshua kissed him, savoring the taste of cool lips.

"Whose fault is that?" he murmured against Alexi's lips.

"Definitely mine," Alexi said firmly as he got off the bed and stretched his arms above his head with a small yawn.

Joshua picked up the glass with ice and took Alexi's hand leading the way to the large master bathroom. He put the glass in the sink while Alexi took advantage of the facilities. He started the shower and adjusted the water to a warm temperature. Alexi slipped under the water, moaning in appreciation as the hot water cascaded over him.

Joshua stepped out of the shower for a moment and retrieved an ice cube from the glass. He came back in to find Alexi dumping a dollop of coconut shampoo into his hair. He closed the glass door, steam filling the cubicle as he stepped behind Alexi and ran the ice cube over Alexi's stomach down to his crotch.

Alexi hissed and started to drop his hands from his hair.

"Keep washing your hair, Alexi," he urged as he wrapped his hand over Alexi's cock the ice cube on the underside. He stroked slowly and Alexi leaned back against him with a loud moan.

"We're going to kill each other at this rate." Alexi complained his hips moving with each stroke. The warm water rinsed away the soap from Alexi's hair and he braced his hands against the tiles, his feet moving slightly apart.

"Jeez, Josh. I'm going to cum."

He kept stroking, sliding the ice cube over the hard shaft, driving Alexi crazy. He bit at the curve of Alexi's neck when his breaths turned labored and smiled when Alexi came hard spurting against the tiles. He dropped the ice cube to the floor and turned Alexi around. Eager lips met his as they kissed under the warm water.

The shower ran longer than usual, with Alexi insisting on returning the favor. He was surprised when he came again after the morning he'd had. He wrapped a large towel around Alexi, rubbing him dry. When they got back to the bedroom, Alexi reached for his bathrobe pulling it on and tying it around his waist.

Joshua got a pair of jeans from his closet and pulled them on. He picked up Alexi's clothes from the floor. He threw them into his laundry basket and smiled when Alexi didn't say anything.

They headed to the kitchen. Alexi opened the fridge pulling out a carton of eggs that he placed on the kitchen counter.

Joshua started the coffee maker and pulled out cooking oil and a pan for Alexi. He retrieved two mugs from the cupboard, stopping to steal a kiss from Alexi. The house phone rang and he sighed as he reached for it negligently. Alexi cracked eggs into a glass bowl, whipping them with a spoon. Joshua watched him move around his kitchen with a smile.

"Hello."

"Joshua, it's your mother."

"Mom," he blinked. "Is everything alright?"

"Does that mean I only call you when something is wrong?" she demanded.

He sighed. "No, it's just that I wasn't expecting your call."

"Alicia is back from her honeymoon. We're having Sunday dinner. Are you coming?"

His gaze flew to where Alexi stood whipping eggs for a late breakfast. "I don't think I can make it."

"Sherry dropped Shane off. She's gone on a two-day trip and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. Your son misses you."

She was playing a powerful card. Spend time with Alexi or go see his son...he sighed. "Do you care if I bring someone along?"

"Bring as many people as you want if that's what it takes."

"Just one," he replied quietly, hoping he wasn't pushing Alexi too far. "We'll be there."

He hung up and stared as Alexi flipped eggs on the stove. The scent of coffee filled the kitchen. He hadn't seen Shane in a while. It would be good to talk to him, see him, and hug him. He wondered if Shane still liked to fly kites. The kid had been crazy about kites. He sighed.

"Josh?" Alexi broke into his thoughts. "Is your mom alright?"

He nodded. "She's fine."

"You don't look fine." Alexi started opening cupboards in search of plates. "Did she tell you something disturbing?"

"Uhm..." He frowned as Alexi found two red plates from the cupboard above the sink. "She wants me to go for a family dinner this evening. My sister is back from her honeymoon and Shane is going to be there."

"Your son, Shane?" Alexi asked placing the plates on the table. "What about your ex?"

"She's gone away for two days." He walked over to the coffee maker and poured them two mugs. "I told Mom I'll be there."

"You should be there." Alexi nodded. "I'm sure Shane will be glad to see you. When was the last time you saw him?"

"It's been a while. I don't think he even remembers how I look like." He frowned as that thought took root in his brain. "Gosh, what if he doesn't remember me?"

"Kids don't forget." Alexi turned off the stove. Alexi stopped on his way to get bread from a basket at the kitchen table to give him a hug. "He remembers you, Josh."

Joshua took the opportunity to do more than hug. He kissed Alexi hungrily, and moved slowly to stare into half-lidded brown eyes.

"I told her I'm bringing you along for dinner. You'll love it. She makes the best barbecue, and I did promise to get you some."

"Hmm..." Alexi hummed in a daze. "This is not fair. I should be panicking right now."

"I need you to come with me Alexi."

"I'm actually contemplating saying yes." Alexi sighed, pressing his face into his shoulder. "I can't meet your entire family today, Josh."

"Yes you can. They'll love you. Please." He tangled his fingers into Alexi's hair and hugged him tightly. "I want to show you off. Have I told you how amazing you were last night? I think I'm three quarters in love with you."

Alexi laughed.

"You're bribing me with a three quarters declaration. How easy do you think I am?"

"You're impossible; there is nothing easy about you, Alexi." He pressed a kiss to the top of Alexi's head. "If it really does bother you I won't force you. But, I'd really like it if you came with me."

****

Alexi held on to Joshua's waist breathing in his clean scent. His heart beat wildly at the thought of showing up at Joshua's family home. A strong hand swept up and down his back, and he closed his eyes tightly afraid that he was beyond falling in love. He felt like every inch of his body now belonged to this man.

It was different this time. With Adrian, things had always been abrupt, fast. Joshua took his time. He was generous, gave more than he received, like in the shower a few minutes ago. It felt like he was being possessed.

"Alexi," Joshua prompted.

"I'll come with you."

"You will?" Joshua asked elated.

The sound of that excited tone had him smiling too. Joshua was getting to him, he thought as he pulled away. He adjusted the gray robe he wore as he turned to get the bread for their toast. He wanted to belong here, in this man's arms, so much it scared him.

"You did promise me a barbecue a while back." His voice sounded shaky even to his ears. "And if your sister is back from her honey moon, I'll get to meet her."

"She'll be excited to meet you." Joshua put their mugs of coffee on the table while he tossed slices of bread into the toaster. "She thinks I don't date enough. She keeps telling me I need to have a torrid affair."

"Am I torrid affair?" Alexi asked glancing at Joshua curious.

He needed a definition for this thing between them. Something to keep him grounded to keep his heart from making leaps in the wrong direction.

Joshua's blue eyes met his, sending a thrill down his back as always. "Of course you are."

He laughed. "That's good to know."

"In a good way, Alexi," Joshua explained sipping his coffee. "You're also a whole bunch of things that I'll keep to myself until you're ready to hear them."

"I'm ready now." The toast popped and he put it on the eggs, handing the first plate to Joshua. "Would you tell me if I asked you what they are?"

Joshua took the plate and shook his head.

"I'll tell you when your hand isn't shaking this badly at the mere thought of what I'm thinking. For now, let's just have breakfast."

****

"Oh my god, I shouldn't have agreed to do this."

Alexi adjusted his dark jacket and shifted in the passenger side of Joshua's rental.

"You should let me get out now, and take a taxi back to Manhattan. Please, Josh."

"Are you always this nervous?" Joshua reached out and took his hand. "Relax, Alexi. It's just dinner."

"What if everyone hates me?" Alexi cursed under his breath. "I'm being selfish. This is about you and Shane, and I shouldn't be intruding into such an intimate situation. Stop this car right now, I'll find my way-."

The car stopped and he reached for the door handle. He almost gasped when he realized that Joshua had pulled into a driveway behind a black SUV. Kids were playing on the lawn happily skipping rope.

"Don't tell me we're already here."

"We are. Welcome to the Randolph house."

Joshua turned off the engine and sat staring at the house for a moment. The front door opened a short lady in blue jeans and a white shirt came out wiping her hands on the apron around her waist. Her dark hair was short and curly, like Joshua. She smiled wide and hurried toward them. Alexi froze in his seat while Joshua came out of the car to hug the cheerful woman.

It took everything he had to get out of the car when they turned to look at him.

"This is Alexi Kotaru." Joshua introduced him. "He's a really good friend of mine. Alexi, this is my Mom, Eve."

"Friend," Joshua's mom lifted a brow in question as she extended her hands out to Alexi.

He walked around the car and took her hands. They were warm as they closed over his slender ones. She pulled him into a hug.

"Tell him to introduce you right, child. You're his boyfriend, right?"

Alexi couldn't help the blush. He pulled back his cheeks flaming red.

"I'm his boyfriend, yes."

He looked at Joshua and met laughing eyes.

"Oh, he's cute, Joshua. I approve."

Eve took Alexi's hand and wound it around her own. She led him into the house not giving him a chance to escape.

"Alexi, tell me about that last name. You're Japanese right?"

"I am."

She led him into a bright cheerful living room. Pictures lined every surface possible, he made a note to come back and give them a look later. She led him through the living room to a small corridor and into a large kitchen. Scents of baking pastries assaulted his nose.

"The kitchen smells great."

"I hope you're hungry. I made enough to feed the neighborhood. I want to introduce you to the family and come back to check on the cookies. What do you do, Alexi?"

"I'm a musician," he answered worried about this introduction she was keen on doing.

He'd been hoping for quietly easing into the crowd without much of an occasion. He turned to look for Joshua but the man seemed to have disappeared. Eve led him out the back door into a lovely back yard. More kids played here too. Three women sat on lounge chairs talking animatedly. On the deck right outside the house, two men stood drinking beers at the barbecue grill laughing as they watched a dog at their feet.

"Let's start with the guys."

Alexi pasted on a smile as they approached the two men at the barbecue grill.

"Hey guys, this is Alexi. Alexi, this is Patrick, my new son in-law. And this is Tom, my eldest daughter's husband."

Alexi greeted the two men, they welcomed him warmly and handed him a beer. He carried it with him as Eve dragged him to the three women seated on the lawn chairs.

"Ladies, this is Alexi. He's with Josh. Alexi, this is my oldest daughter, Jenny."

Jenny was short like her mother; her straight hair cut into a short bob. She smiled widely as she stood up and hugged him.

"Next, this is Alicia, my youngest. She's the one with Patrick."

Alicia stood up and hugged him too, except she didn't sit down. She wrapped an arm around his waist as Eve introduced him to the last woman.

"This is Penelope, Patrick's sister. Their mom was going for the 'P' theme. Ladies, entertain him while I go get the cookies out for the kiddies."

Eve hurried off as Penelope got up to give him a light hug.

"Where is Joshua?" Alicia asked.

"He was right behind me." Alexi turned around wondering where Joshua had gone.

The slight grip on his elbow tightened as Alicia gasped softly. He followed her gaze to find Joshua walking toward them on the driveway holding a smiling boy's hand.

Joshua glowed. There was no other description for his expression. The young boy was obviously Shane. He was a handsome boy, his dark hair falling around his cute face to his shoulders. He was dressed in shorts and a baggy t-shirt. He carried a skateboard in one hand.

Alicia sniffled beside Alexi and he turned to find tears swimming in her eyes.

"I haven't seen him smile this hard in a long time."

****

Fifteen

Alexi sat on a plastic chair watching Shane, Joshua, Patrick and Tom playing a football game. Joshua and Shane teamed against Patrick and Tom. Joshua threw the football to Shane, and they all watched Shane rush to the goal line. Joshua raced after the boy and swung him up in excitement at their score.

"They look alike, don't they?" Alicia asked coming to sit in the chair beside him.

She held out a bowl with grapes and he took one. Shane laughed aloud when Joshua swung him around.

He smiled and turned to Alicia.

"They do look alike, down to the blue eyes."

"Yeah," Alicia said her gaze lingering over Joshua and Shane. She placed the bowl of grapes on her lap. "Thanks for coming with my brother. He keeps away so much, I worry about him."

"Why do you say that?"

"Josh doesn't bring his boyfriends home." Alicia winked at him. "Also, he hasn't seen Shane in a while. I guess this is a pretty special day."

Alexi chuckled nervously turning to look at Joshua. The game continued with Joshua and Tom paired against Patrick and Shane this time. Shane kept laughing every time Joshua missed catching him.

"How was your honeymoon?" He shifted his gaze to Alicia.

Her dark hair was long and wavy. Her eyes were blue, but not the same as Joshua. He liked her smile, a kind smile that assured. Unlike her sister and Mom, she was tall and trim. She looked cute in a short denim skirt and a pink sparkly tank top.

"Hawaii was a lot of fun. I'd love to live by the beach if I could. I didn't want to leave." She smiled wide meeting his gaze. "Patrick and I watched the sun rise every morning. It was magical."

He thought about his house in Osaka, and walking on the beach early in the morning before the sun rose. He missed it.

"If you'd like, I live by the beach, in Osaka. If you ever visit, you can stay over."

"That's sounds like a lot of fun. I'll hold you to that, you know. I've always wanted to visit Japan. It would be nice to know someone I can call." Alicia grinned at him. "Josh said you write modern classical music. Is it like Josh Groban?"

He laughed. "Well, I don't sing like he does. I just write the music for the orchestra and the piano."

"Like Mozart?" Alicia raised a brow in question. "You really write such stuff?"

"Almost like Mozart, yes."

"That's impressive." She held out the bowl of grapes. "What about your family? What do they do?"

"My family lives in Osaka. They all run the family business." He hadn't called his mother since the situation with Adrian. He'd not forgiven her for sending Taka without calling him first. "I'm the black sheep that went off on his own."

"What is the family business?" Alicia grilled.

"Manufacturing parts for engines," he nodded to a lawn mower that had been left out right outside the garage, "like that, car engines, etcetera."

"Hmm..." Alicia frowned and he took the bowl of grapes from her. "How long are you going to be in New York?"

He bit into a grape before he answered.

"Two months. I have a tour starting at the end of August in Tokyo."

Alicia pondered that information for a moment before she took back the grape bowl. He knew exactly what she was doing. He could remember Lily doing the same to Joshua not too long ago in his kitchen while he made dinner.

"I love grapes," she said giving him a short smile.

Joshua jogged toward them and held out a cold beer. He wasn't much of a beer drinker and had conveniently forgotten his first one on a short table a few feet away.

"Alicia, I hope you're not grilling Alexi." Joshua winked at him and he smiled.

Alexi took the beer and smiled at Alicia.

"We're getting to know each other." Alicia sat back in her chair and glanced up at Joshua. "Are you enjoying the game?"

"Yep, Shane is very energetic. I'm starting to feel my age here." Joshua rubbed at the small of his back with a grin. "I'm going to be very exhausted soon. Alexi's going to have to carry me to the car."

Alexi laughed. "Not unless you want to be dropped a few times. I can drag you to the car though."

Joshua made a face at him. "You're supposed to be loving and sympathetic, dear."

The endearment made him blush and Alicia chuckle beside him. Joshua reached out to ruffle his hair. Shane called out to Joshua.

"I gotta go," Joshua said. "Please be good to him, lil' sis."

Joshua headed back to where Patrick was helping Shane with his baseball glove.

Alexi pressed the cold bottle of beer between his hands. He disliked the taste of beer, never had. Wine he could drink, but beer, he sighed.

"You don't drink beer," Alicia said with a laugh.

He glanced at her with surprise and she pointed to his earlier bottle.

"That's not finished. You're looking at the one in your hands with worry."

"You don't miss much," he said with a smile.

"Come with me."

She stood and took the beer bottle from him. She placed it on the table beside the unfinished one and started for the house. He hurried after her with a last glance at Joshua. His lover lay on his back on the grass with Shane kneeling over him doing his best to grab a baseball out of his hands.

In the evening light, their faces were flushed with excitement, Patrick and Tom laughed in hysteria when Shane started tickling Joshua. Joshua started laughing; trying to catch Shane's wriggling fingers. He filed the fact that Joshua was ticklish away and entered the kitchen after Alicia.

"There you are," Eve said when he walked into the warm kitchen. "Did you get something to eat?"

Penelope, Jenny and Eve were perched on different places around the kitchen each of them holding glasses of white wine. Jenny slid out of a high stool and got a plate from the kitchen table. Eve patted the comfortable chair besides hers at the round kitchen table. Alicia held out a glass of white wine and he took it with a grateful nod. He sat beside Eve.

"Are those guys still rough housing out there?" Penelope asked. She bit into a chocolate chip cookie and moaned in appreciation. "Eve, you're killing me. I'm going to end up doubling my time at the gym this next week."

"Yes they are. And there's no way the double time at the gym works." Alicia sat beside him at the table sipping her wine. "You're just straining your body that way."

"It does too work," Penelope insisted, staring at her chocolate cookie. "Imagine the amount of chocolate chip cookies I eat every time I come here. I'd be as fat as a house if it weren't for the double time at the gym the next week."

Alexi smiled at her reasoning. He liked the way she said the word chocolate, like 'chaw-colate.'

"You look great, Penelope," he said.

She was trimmer than Alicia. Her tall figure encased in skinny jeans and a red clingy top. She had her blond hair in a short ponytail. She gave him a charming smile at his compliment.

"Don't encourage her." Jenny placed a plate of barbecued chicken and coleslaw before him, the scent rich and mouthwatering. His stomach growled and they all laughed. "Alicia forgot to feed you when she was out there grilling you."

"I was not grilling him." Alicia scowled at Jenny. "We were just talking."

"Don't worry. Alicia grills everyone," Eve said patting his back. "You should have seen Tom, Jenny's husband. She asked him so many questions, he was sweating buckets by the time I rescued him."

Jenny laughed and sat at the table, abandoning her perch on the kitchen counter. "I wanted to beat her for doing that to Tom."

"She wasn't too bad." He turned to smile at Alicia. "To tell you the truth, I was really nervous when we were coming here. I was afraid of what you'd all think."

"That's normal." Eve sipped her wine. "You looked like you might fall when you got out of the car."

Alexi chuckled and bit into the chicken.

"Mmm...delicious," he said holding a hand over his mouth as he chewed.

The chicken melted in his mouth, had to be the marinade before the barbecue, so good. He swallowed.

"Josh was right; you do make the best barbecue."

Eve beamed.

"I think I'm going to keep you here. Tell me, Alexi; are you in New York alone? That has to be hard being away from your family. I'm sure your parents miss seeing you."

"No, I'm not here alone. My grandparents on my mother's side are American. They live here in New York. I'm planning to visit them on July 4. As for my parents, I do miss them."

Eve nodded. "Well, I know we have just met but I hope you won't be a stranger."

Alexi nodded touched by her open heart. Conversation continued into different topics after that. The best places to see in New York, other cities he just had to visit before leaving. Penelope's job as a travel agent, Eve brought more chaw-colate chip cookies. Alexi spent a few minutes trying to say the word chocolate like Eve and Penelope.

They had a good laugh because he was sure he sounded insane.

"How come you don't sound like that?" he asked Alicia when she said it right.

"I can talk like that if I want," she replied. "Like a 'stat'neyelin' girl."

"She refined her speech for business." Eve teased rolling her eyes.

"Mum." Alicia sighed. "It just happened. How come you're not teasing Alexi for his accent?"

"That's because he's Japanese. By the way, he doesn't really have an accent. He just speaks really proper English." Penelope defended him.

Eve and Jenny laughed while Alicia pouted.

"Okay, ladies, I think we all need more wine." Alexi pushed his chair back and retrieved the bottle of wine. He glanced out the kitchen door to peek on Joshua. The game had ended; the guys sat on the plastic chairs outside talking. Shane was perched on Joshua's knee eating a melon. His gaze lingered over Joshua for a moment, before he returned to the kitchen table.

"It's almost ten o'clock, time's moving fast." Eve held out her glass for more wine. "Shane is probably fighting sleep right now."

"I'm so glad Josh got to see Shane." Jenny sighed. "Alexi, I'm sure this must seem strange."

Alexi sat giving the bottle to Alicia. He'd gotten the story from Joshua once before, but he figured getting it again wouldn't hurt. He needed to understand how Sherry was able to keep Joshua away from Shane. The boy obviously adored Joshua.

"Why can't Josh see Shane?"

"It's a complicated situation." Eve sighed and sipped her wine.

Worry lines danced over her forehead and she glanced at Alicia.

"Shane's mom, Sherry, lied to Joshua when they got married. She told him that Shane was his biological son, but he wasn't. Five years later, Josh discovered the truth and they got a divorce." Alicia paused and glanced at him. "It was the same time we found out that Josh was gay. I'm not proud of how we reacted to that, but-, Sherry reacted the worst."

Alexi sipped his wine and sat back in his chair.

"She loves Joshua," Alicia said trying to explain Sherry's behavior. "Her anger is how she deals with knowing that Joshua can't love her back the way she wants. So, she punishes him by keeping Shane away. She married Shane's real dad two years ago."

"Did they do a DNA test?" Alexi asked. "I mean, if she's lied before-,"

"I insisted." Eve explained cutting in. "He was my grandson too. I insisted on a test, and there's no doubt. Shane is not Josh's biological son. But, he is Josh's son in all other ways. That kid never stopped talking and asking about him. I take as many pictures as I can for both of them."

"How is it that Sherry allows Shane to come here, but won't let Joshua see him?" There was punishing and there was torture. If that woman really loved Joshua, shouldn't she understand the difference?

"I know her mother. We talk a lot, and Sherry grew up in this neighborhood. It was easy to talk her into letting Shane visit me once and a while." Eve sighed and sipped her wine. "She just wouldn't let Joshua see him. I wish I could fix this for Joshua."

"We all do, Mom," Jenny soothed, rubbing Eve's back gently. "I think we should get more food. We're scaring Alexi with all the heavy topics. Mom, why haven't you brought out the baby pictures? You practically pulled out mine the moment Tom walked in to this house."

Alicia burst out laughing and got to her feet.

"Oh, revenge is great. Baby pictures right now, Josh was really eager to show Patrick mine when I was in high school."

Alicia and Jenny rushed off to get the pictures and Alexi laughed at their enthusiasm. He wondered what Taka could do for Joshua and Shane. He made a mental note to ask Taka about it later this week. He didn't know American law but this didn't make sense for Joshua or for Shane.

****

"This is daddy in high school. He played football, he was a quarterback." Shane pointed out a picture of Joshua in his high school football uniform. Alexi followed the small finger to the next picture.

It was late, almost twelve o'clock at night. The guys had come into the house to find Eve, Jenny and Alicia showing him Joshua's old pictures. Joshua had been carrying a sleeping Shane. The boy had woken up the moment Penelope and he started laughing at a picture of baby Joshua running around the backyard naked carrying his favorite blanket.

"Daddy, isn't this Mommy?" Shane asked with a frown pointing at another high school picture. "It looks like her. Is it?"

"It is," Joshua came to sit beside them.

Shane pulled the album across his lap and sat back to settle against Joshua's chest. The gesture was possessive, Alexi started to move to give them room, but Joshua stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Show Alexi the pictures, Shane," Joshua encouraged.

Alexi looked at Joshua for a moment before he returned his attention to more pictures of Joshua and the woman he was starting to hate. Thankfully, they got through the high school era quickly. Shane dumped that album on the coffee table with a thud that startled, Eve, Alicia and Jenny awake. Tom and Patrick were on the porch smoking.

"Aren't you sleepy, Shane?" Eve asked rubbing her eyes as she sat up on the couch where she'd stretched out.

"No." Shane grabbed another album and pulled on Alexi's arm. "Want to see the day I was born?"

Alexi smiled into sleepy red eyes.

"Sure, Shane," he said quietly.

Shane grinned at him and turned the cover. He gasped softly at the emotional punch in his stomach. The sheer joy in Joshua's eyes as he held a tiny scrunched up baby. Joshua was in blue hospital scrubs, holding Shane carefully. Alexi felt tears sting the back of his eyes.

"Daddy told me I was a gift brought in this blue blanket." Shane pointed to Sherry. "There's Mommy. Isn't she pretty?"

Sherry was a brunette, very beautiful, even in a hospital bed; she still managed to look attractive. Or was it the glow of childbirth, he couldn't tell. He swallowed a large lump at the sight of Joshua smiling into her eyes. He didn't want to continue looking at these pictures.

Shane turned the page and he bit his lip when he saw a family picture taken when Shane was one year old. Joshua, a little younger, very handsome, Sherry, pretty and delicate holding a button nosed tiny Shane.

The perfect little family smiling into the camera, he thought.

"Shane, I'm going to get some water from the kitchen for a moment. I'll be right back."

He stood and hurried out of the living room. He stopped by the sink and braced against it wondering what he was thinking. Joshua belonged here, not with him. Joshua deserved to be with Shane, he shook his head and turned on the water.

"What's wrong?" Joshua asked behind him.

He gasped and leaned to splash water on his face. They hadn't gotten a chance to be alone since they'd arrived. He'd watched Joshua laughing with Shane all evening, talking with his family all night.

Warm hands dropped on his shoulders and turned him around gently. Joshua slipped a finger under his chin and tilted his head. "Are you alright? Is it too much?"

He breathed out a sigh. "I'm fine. Are you?"

Joshua smiled happily.

"Great actually, I was thinking about spending the night. Shane might not sleep tonight. He will stay up as long as possible because I'm here."

Alexi nodded. "I was thinking the same thing."

"Good." Joshua sighed in relief and pulled him into a quick hug.

He savored the feel of Joshua holding him for a moment. The need to keep holding on slammed into him so hard, his fingers bunched into Joshua's light shirt. He buried his face into Joshua's chest and forced his emotions under control. He was leaving in two months. He couldn't forget that truth. Being around Joshua's family and seeing him with Shane made him want to stay, it made him want to forget he didn't belong here. His heart hammered in his chest. He wanted to keep Joshua.

He let go of Joshua and stepped back. Grabbing paper towels from the holder, he wiped the remaining drops from his face. He avoided looking into Joshua's eyes in case he revealed more than he was ready.

"We should get back to Shane," he said throwing the used napkin in the trash.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Joshua asked his tone concerned. "If you're tired-,"

"Stop worrying about me." He pasted on a smile and led the way out of the kitchen. In the bright living room, they found Eve ready to pick up a sleeping Shane.

"He finally slept." Alexi reached out to push dark hair out of Shane's sleeping face.

"I'll take him, Mom."

Joshua moved around the couch and they all watched as he picked up his son carefully. Eve led the way up the stairs. Alicia who'd passed out curled in an armchair got to her feet with a dramatic yawn.

"I can't believe tomorrow is Monday. I don't want to go back to work." She complained stretching her arms above her head. "Are you staying, Alexi?"

He glanced up the stairs. He couldn't stay. He needed to think.

"No, I have an early morning tomorrow. Will you give me a ride?"

"Sure," she rubbed her nose sleepily. "Go ahead and talk to Joshua. I need to collect a few things. Penelope and Jenny are staying."

He thanked her and rushed up the stairs to the second floor. Eve appeared outside the second door on his right.

"I need to get linen," she said with a small smile.

Alexi stopped at the bedroom door and stood watching Joshua remove Shane's shoes and socks.

"He's out like a light," Alexi said quietly.

Joshua pulled a blue quilt over Shane and brushed hair back from Shane's forehead.

"He played hard tonight."

Joshua sat on the edge of the bed watching Shane sleep.

Alexi moved closer, wrapping an arm around Joshua's shoulder. "Talk to me."

Joshua shifted on the bed opening his legs to allow Alexi closer. Joshua buried his head into Alexi's stomach with a sigh. Strong arms wrapped around his waist. He stroked his fingers through Joshua's hair.

"I forgot how hard it is to leave him." Joshua shook his head leaning into his caressing fingers. "Sherry will be back tomorrow afternoon."

"Do you want to talk to her?" Alexi asked. "Maybe you guys can arrange some time-,"

Joshua cut him off. "I don't want to talk to her. I'm not ready."

"Alright," Alexi soothed. He glanced at Shane. "Call me when you get home tomorrow morning."

"What?" Joshua looked up at him. "No, no, I can't let you go home alone."

"I'm going to go back to the penthouse. I'm sure Lily will start worrying soon. My phone is at your house. I haven't called in all day."

Joshua frowned. Alexi traced an index finger over the worry lines on Joshua's face.

"Is it tough being here? I mean, it's a lot to take in all at once. My family-,"

"I love your family." Alexi cut him off gently.

Joshua captured his right hand and stood. They both glanced at Shane before Joshua led Alexi out of the dim bedroom. He watched Joshua close the door gently.

Joshua turned then and pulled him into a tight hug. He wished they were back at Joshua's house. He wanted to kiss him, and love Joshua tonight. He sighed and settled for a kiss. Joshua moaned quietly holding him tighter. He broke the kiss keenly aware that Eve was likely to show up soon.

"I'll call you when I get home." He moved out of Joshua's arms reluctantly, reaching up to caress Joshua's jaw. "Tomorrow, I'll be heading for the university in the afternoon, maybe we can meet there."

Joshua frowned. "I don't want to let you go."

"I can get home alone." He chuckled. "I'll wait for you."

Joshua stared at him, electric blue intense with emotion. His heart hammered at the heat simmering in those beautiful eyes. Eve came up the stairs and he broke the strangely intense connection.

"Is Shane all tucked in?" she asked with a whisper.

"Yes." Alexi cleared his throat and turned to her. "Josh is staying over night. He and Shane can have breakfast together."

"What a lovely idea." Eve looked at Joshua. "You can use your old room. I got you some fresh sheets and a towel. Alexi, I'm sure we can get you-,"

"No, need," he said shaking his head. He glanced at a mute Joshua for a moment. "I'll head on home. It was really nice to meet you, Eve."

Eve frowned, glancing at her son for a moment before she took Alexi's hand.

"I'd love it if you came back to visit me, Alexi."

Alexi allowed her to lead him back down the stairs their fingers tangled as she asked if he wanted to take any leftovers. He declined the offer kindly. Eve was warm; it was hard not to like her.

"You have a lovely home, and I loved your chocolate chip cookies. I will definitely come back for more."

They got downstairs and met Alicia and Patrick waiting at the front door.

"Alicia, I think Alexi needs a ride," Eve said.

"Yeah, we'll drop him off at his apartment." Alicia looked up the stairs to where Joshua stood leaning on the wall. "I'll see you soon, Josh."

"Drive safely." Joshua murmured, his gaze found Alexi, "call me when you get to the penthouse."

Alexi nodded.

He hugged Eve, shook hands with Tom and left the house after Patrick. His thoughts centered on that look Joshua had given him upstairs. He wanted to think it had been full of love, but that scared him.

He sat in the back of Patrick's black SUV. Even though Alicia and Patrick kept up a steady stream of conversation, he could barely keep up. His thoughts filled with the memories of a night spent in Joshua's arms, and a day spent watching Joshua with his son.

Joshua's family was so unlike his own,-they goofed around, teased each other-, he'd loved the informal setting. They'd treated him as if he was one of them. Then there was Shane. What a cute little boy. He hoped Sherry wouldn't come early tomorrow morning. It would be good for Joshua to have more time with his son.

Alexi got to the penthouse well past two o'clock in the night. He rubbed his eyes as he removed his shoes at the front hall. He'd barely had any sleep last night. He grinned when he thought about why he'd been awake. He pulled off the dark jacket he'd borrowed from Joshua's closet and dumped it on the couch in the living room. He paused when he heard giggling in the kitchen.

He walked in to the kitchen and stopped short when he found Taka Ichido standing at the kitchen table holding a spoon full of ice cream to Lily's mouth. She was in a short red silk gown, and Taka was dressed in only black slacks.

Lily smiled when she saw him, and Taka gaped. Alexi chuckled and raised his arms up.

"I'm not here." He winked at Lily. "Enjoy your night."

He hurried out of the kitchen with a smile and headed straight for his room. He vaguely wondered how Taka and Lily had gotten together. A yawn escaped as he stripped his shirt and trousers. He crawled into the cool sheets of his bed sleepily. It was lonely without Joshua. He reached for a pillow and hugged it tight missing Joshua's scent. He wondered if he'd get to see Joshua tomorrow before the start of the summer program at the university.

****

Sixteen

Alexi woke up at eight Monday morning. He took a long shower fighting anxiety jitters under the hot water. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach at the thought of starting the summer program in the afternoon. He'd faced large audiences in stadiums but the idea of standing before a few students, teaching, -he closed his eyes. It will be fine.

Back in his bedroom, he pulled on a light blue t-shirt and shorts, running a negligent hand through his damp hair.

Joshua filled his thoughts on his way to the kitchen. He could imagine Joshua seated at the kitchen table in Eve's house. He pulled the fridge open to find it fully stocked. Lily seemed to have called the grocers. He smiled when he saw the jar of chocolate chip ice cream jammed in on top of the sausages in the fridge. Lily must have been in a hurry last night when they finished with the ice cream.

He smiled when Lily walked into the kitchen in a red silk gown cinched at her waist. His grin widened when he saw Taka behind her in wrinkled white shirt and slacks.

"What's for breakfast?" Lily asked letting a loud yawn escape.

"Melting chocolate chip ice cream," Alexi teased holding up the tub of half-empty ice cream.

Lily blushed. Taka chuckled behind her.

Alexi pulled out the sausages and held them out to Taka.

"Can you cook?" he asked with a raised brow at the tall man.

He'd never spent more than a few hours in Taka's company. This was surreal having him in the kitchen.

"I'll make breakfast." Taka took the gauntlet reaching for the sausages.

Alexi glanced at Lily before he pulled out a bottle of orange juice.

"When did you come back to Manhattan?" he asked Taka.

"I was at your grandparents' estate in Montauk. They can't wait to see you on July 4. Your mother called them about Adrian. I had to go explain the situation," Taka explained undoing the sausage packet.

Lily got three glasses from the cupboard and brought them to the kitchen table. She gave Alexi a one-arm hug as he poured juice into the three glasses.

"Did you send the report on Adrian's case to my mother?" he asked.

He couldn't think of anything else to discuss with Taka.

"Yes. Your mother still thinks you should get a restraining order. She insisted I get the forms."

Alexi put the bottle of juice on the table.

"I don't think it's necessary. How hard can it be to keep Adrian away? We haven't talked; he doesn't have my new phone number. You've made sure the doorman and the security downstairs know not to let him into the building. Don't you think a restraining order is overkill? "

"No, it's logical." Lily rubbed his back. "Two months from now, you're going to forgive Adrian and he'll be back in your life."

A soft chuckle escaped Alexi. "You're so certain, Lily."

"I know you very well. It's not your fault." She took Taka his glass of juice. "Why don't you get the forms you brought with you, Taka?"

"We can do it after breakfast." Alexi tried to postpone the unpleasant task. He'd avoided thinking about Adrian for a weekend. There was no way he was going to start worrying again.

"We need to end this saga." Lily urged Taka out of the kitchen and took over frying the sausages at the stove. "It's the only way to exorcise Adrian from your life. It's time to move on."

"And you think involving the police is the only way?" Alexi winced staring into his juice. What a mess. His ex-boyfriend was now a criminal.

Taka returned with a briefcase placing it on the kitchen counter. In minutes, Taka had laid out legal forms before him and was holding out a fountain pen expectantly. Alexi winced when he read Adrian's name printed on the forms. All their memories reduced to legal paperwork.

"Alexi." Lily turned off the heat at the stove and came to stand beside him. Her slender fingers combed through his damp hair.

Taka gave him a slight smile. "I've filled the relevant spaces you just need to sign."

He took the black fountain pen. He stared at the dotted line at the bottom of the forms.

Adrian, he sighed, his heart plummeting.

Adrian had inspired his first album. They'd gone on a wild safari in East Africa to celebrate his success. He'd spent hours listening to Adrian plan Rosen Models, gone to Adrian's photo shoots. Adrian seated at the front seat in all his concerts, never missing a one. How had they gotten to this point? Restraining orders and lawsuits, his hand trembled over the paper.

He couldn't do it.

"You don't have to decide right now." Lily saved him, taking the pen and giving it back to Taka. "We have a few days before Taka leaves for Osaka."

Alexi almost thanked her. "I'm sorry. This is harder than I thought-,"

"I understand." Taka assured. "Since we're on this topic, Lily asked me to check on Joshua Randolph."

"Oh, come on," Alexi turned to glare at Lily. "Why?"

"What do you expect?" Lily asked. She went back to the cooking while Taka put away the legal documents. "You two met in a park."

"You're watching too many dramas," Alexi complained.

Taka took apples from a bowl on the counter and washed them at the sink.

"You have no idea what it was like to deal with your mom when she found out about Adrian. We're not taking chances with your new fling."

"Fling," Alexi asked his eyes narrowed in irritation. "What are you implying?

"Nothing," Lily jumped in quickly giving Taka a warning glance. "Whatever your relationship with Joshua is, we need to be careful, Alexi."

"How deep did you go?" Alexi asked.

Lily got a chopping board for the apples. Taka passed plates to Lily for the sausages. They moved around the kitchen in a strange dance that made them look like a married couple.

"Deep enough to know he wasn't always gay." Taka cut up the apples into slices. "He was married. His ex-wife filed for a restraining order that keeps him five hundred yards away from her. She claimed harassment. The order keeps Mr. Randolph away from his son."

"What?" So that's how Sherry was able to keep Joshua away from Shane.

Taka waved his knife at him. "Did you hear me? Mr. Randolph was married, Alexi."

"I know about his ex-wife." Alexi pushed his glass of juice away. "It was the first thing he told me. They got married because of the kid."

"Shane O'Leary, ten years old," Taka continued cutting the apples. "The mother had a Sam O'Leary adopt him a year ago after they married. The kid isn't really Mr. Randolph's."

Lily finished cooking the sausages and started on eggs; she whipped them fast and poured them onto the sizzling pan.

"So, you're saying that Joshua was played. His ex-wife is cut from the same cloth as Adrian," Lily concluded.

"You can say that." Taka shrugged. "I'm impressed that Randolph told you about his marriage. That makes him relatively honest. He's not yet made tenure at the University, but he will. He's a brilliant Professor. I think Allegra could like him, that is, if we can get her to look past the marriage and the child."

"Sherry won't let Joshua see Shane. Joshua is a good father. She shouldn't do that to him, Taka. Even though they don't get along, she shouldn't force Joshua away. Can't you do something to help?" Alexi asked.

Lily slid a plate of sausages, eggs and toast to him. "Alexi, you're getting too involved again. Joshua is great but you just ended a relationship with Adrian. You're not ready-,"

"This isn't about me. You didn't see Joshua last night!" Alexi cut her off his tone harsh. "I spent hours with his family and Shane. I know he loves that child. What Sherry is doing is malicious."

Taka and Lily stood staring at him. His anger surprising even to him, he'd not meant to explode.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I just- he's important to me. This is not because of Adrian. Or even what he did to me. I don't care about that. Joshua is different."

"They are all different." Lily countered. "You need to learn how to protect your heart before you jump into relationships."

"I'm not an idiot." Alexi glared at her.

"Alright, you two," Taka said placing a hand over Lily's shoulder. He gave her a small hug before he turned to Alexi. "I'll look into Joshua's situation."

"That's all I'm asking." Alexi gave Lily a meaningful glance. "It's not like we're getting married. Jeez, Lily, what's with you?"

"I pick up the pieces, Alexi." Lily pointed out. "I'm the one who knows what happens to you when you get betrayed. Be cautious with Joshua. He's a great guy, but don't get too involved. Children, ex-wives, it can get pretty messy."

***

"We'd planned to have thirty students," Tony, the department music director at the university, explained. "We ended up with twenty."

"That's a good number." Alexi nervously read the list of students. "Are they in the third and fourth year?"

"I have three from second year, one from first." Tony pointed them out on the list. "Their auditions were very good. I thought they'd benefit from the program."

It was almost two-thirty in the afternoon: classes were starting at three. Joshua hadn't called him. He picked up his cell phone, sliding a finger over the screen. There were no messages from Joshua.

"Can I have a few minutes, Tony?"

He hoped his tone sounded confident. His insides were turning into jelly. In thirty minutes, he'd be standing before twenty kids in a lecture hall and expected to talk sense.

Tony left the office with an excited smile unaware of his anxiety. The moment the door closed, he stumbled out of his chair, feeling sick. Where was Joshua? If Sherry found him at Eve's house, she could have called the cops. Judging from Taka's explanation of restraining orders one call from the victim and the police showed.

He speed dialed Joshua's number, the phone pressed to his ear as he paced the length of the desk in the borrowed office. The door swung open on the fourth ring and he glanced up with an irritated frown.

"Hi, Professor, are you busy?" Joshua teased coming into the office and locking the door behind him.

Alexi dropped the phone on the desk and rushed him. He wrapped his arms tight around Joshua.

"I missed you," Alexi said holding Joshua close. "I kept imagining you and Sherry meeting. You weren't answering your phone. Where-,"

Joshua pressed warm lips against his stopping his tirade. He moaned accepting the eager kiss eyes closing in bliss. He pressed closer to Joshua, murmuring a protest when Joshua broke the kiss.

"I left my phone at home. I didn't have time to stop by the house. I figured seeing you would be better than talking on the phone."

Alexi nodded noting Joshua's tensed shoulders under his fingers. "How's Shane?"

"He's okay. We had a great time together. Mom promised to call me if Shane gets to stay at the house again. I left right after lunch."

Joshua's smile didn't reach his eyes.

He traced the slight lines on the corner of Joshua's mouth. He imagined the parting scene at Eve's wouldn't have been easy.

"How are you?"

Joshua shrugged.

"I'm good now that I see you. Are you nervous? You look nervous. I was expecting to find you hiding in the closet."

Alexi laughed at the attempt to lighten the mood.

"It hasn't gotten that bad yet. Although, hiding under the desk looked promising."

Alexi pressed his forehead into Joshua's chest. The soft light green t-shirt warm against his skin, the scent of sunshine filled his nostrils. He closed his eyes wishing they were back in Joshua's house. Joshua's arms around his shoulders, hugging him tight had him wondering how a man could matter in so short a time. Calm flooded his senses and he absorbed Joshua's warmth.

"I'm so happy you're here," he murmured.

Joshua caressed his jaw with gentle fingers.

"I have a solution for your phobia for large lecture halls."

"Anxiety meds," he said tilting his head to meet Joshua's gaze.

Joshua chuckled. "No meds required just your smile."

He tried a smile and Joshua rewarded him with a kiss on his cheek. Joshua led him out of the office into the quiet hallway. They passed five doors before Joshua stopped by double steel doors. He opened one and led the way into a study room. A large room with wide windows on one side a white board to the left and a piano in the corner.

"I told Tony to give you this room. He uses it for group study and small lectures."

"How did you know?" Alexi slipped his hand out of Joshua's walking to the piano in the corner. He didn't mind this room, no stage, no terrifying spotlight.

"You need to start small before we face the stage. Lecture halls are intimidating even for seasoned lecturers."

"Now all I have to do is convince twenty high strung students I'm a master of their subject." Alexi opened the piano cover, tinkling the keys in random notes. "I haven't been in a classroom for years."

"First day jitters, you'll get used to them." Joshua stretched his arms above his head.

He looked tired. Alexi noted dark shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep, or stress. Joshua was busy taking care of everyone else and forgetting himself. A soft knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and the first of his students walked into the room. He shelved his concerns for later.

Two hours later, Alexi stepped out of the study room feeling happy. The lecture had been a lot of fun. Joshua had left after the introductions. His students had asked so many questions he hadn't gotten a chance to be nervous. They'd even swindled him into playing them a few pieces. He smiled as he walked into the office eager to tell Joshua.

He found him sitting in the chair behind the desk dozing. Alexi dumped the paper work he'd amassed through the two-hour session on the desk and walked around to the chair. He could watch Joshua sleep for hours. He leaned on the edge of the desk, his gaze on Joshua's long eyelashes. Unable to resist, he traced the curved dark lashes with his index finger. Joshua's eyes opened and he pulled back his finger.

"Are you all done?" Joshua held back a yawn blinking away his sleep.

Alexi nodded and started to step way. Joshua captured his hand, and in a practiced move, he pulled Alexi on to his lap.

"You're getting good at that," Alexi said adjusting his balance on Joshua's lap. The chair was large enough for both of them. He rubbed a hand over Joshua's chest. "You're tired."

"No, I miss you." Joshua countered. "You're coming home with me, right?"

Alexi made a show of thinking until Joshua raised an eyebrow at him. He laughed and kissed that raised eyebrow. "Of course, I'm coming with."

Joshua nodded in approval. "Good."

****

The fountain at the Washington Square Park filled with water, dazzling sprays in the bright summer sun. Alexi smiled watching children scream with excitement as they raced through the water. Their clothes soaked, their parents lazing on the benches, watchful. His fingers combed lazily through dark silky hair and he glanced down at Joshua sleeping on his lap. It was a bright sunny July afternoon. The first Sunday of July, he thought with a sad smile. He was starting to hate the sunset; each one meant another day gone. He loved watching Joshua sleep, loved watching Joshua smile, loved watching Joshua read. He was developing an obsessive fascination with everything Joshua did.

He figured the more he cataloged the more clearer his memories would be when the summer ended. The more vivid the emotions would be. He bit his lower lip. His Joshua would probably call that kinky.

With Adrian, he'd always been the one clinging, and insisting on spending time together. With Joshua, he smiled, his Joshua...they hadn't been apart since the day his summer program began.

When he needed to make trips to the studio, they stayed at the pent house; otherwise, he was practically living in Joshua's house. Joshua shifted on his lap and he lifted his hands so that his fingers wouldn't tug at Joshua's hair.

Joshua turned to his side on the blanket-covered grass, his t-shirt riding up slightly. Alexi tugged it lower before he braced his hands back and tilted his head to stare at the tree blanches. The green leaves sifting the light down muting the hot sunrays.

He'd always hated Sundays. That weird feeling of dreading Monday, and what it would bring had plagued him almost half his life. But here, today, seated on a blanket under a huge tree in the park, with the weight of his lover on his lap, his lover-, he paused. His thought process derailed by the word 'lover'-, what an inadequate definition.

Or maybe he just hadn't known what that word truly defined. Lover, his lips tugged into a smile, Joshua made him insane with lust, need, craving...he wanted Joshua right now. He shifted his aching erection pressing against his zipper. His body was in constant need of Joshua, all the time, like a sex-crazed slave.

When they weren't making love, they were arguing, Joshua's brilliant mind seducing his into conversations on all and any topic. Their arguments lasted deep into the night, one until six in the morning. When they stayed at the penthouse, Joshua sometimes joined him on his late night sessions at the piano. Joshua lounged on the couch and he played for him, a muse inspiring his music. Maybe lover was the right word, he decided opening his eyes to stare at the bright leaves above them.

He didn't want to be anywhere else.

Sitting here, Joshua contently asleep on his lap, he didn't want anything else.

His phone buzzed and he reached for the black folder on the blanket. He gave Joshua a cursory glance making sure the buzz hadn't disturbed him before he answered the call quietly.

"Hello."

"Alexi, it's your Mom."

"Mom," he said with a smile. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, even though my youngest son doesn't call as often as he should. Ignoring his mother, while he enjoys himself in the Big Apple," Allegra complained expertly. "Or have you found a nice young man who's taking all your time?"

He laughed quietly. "Are you calling to ask or because you know all about him?"

"I was young once too," Allegra said with a small giggle. "I know how these things go; you probably don't want to tell me about it until you're sure."

"Maybe," Alexi studied Joshua's sleeping face for a moment. "I'll tell you soon."

"I'm sure. I'm calling to remind you about the Fourth of July party at your grandparents' house. You have to go this year, don't ignore it."

"I won't."

He winced slightly at the thought of spending three days in Montauk. His grandparents were great, but he didn't want to go alone. Taking Joshua would mean telling him about Adrian. There was no way he could take Joshua to his grandparents without discussing Adrian.

"Are you still there, Alexi?" Allegra asked with a concerned tone.

"Yeah, Mom, I'll be there."

"Good. I miss you, darling." Allegra sighed. "I want to convince Phillip and Hideki to come to New York with me before you leave. We'll spend a week together, as a family. It's been a while. Maybe I'll meet this Joshua Randolph, Taka and Lily talk about."

He winced at that last comment. August was going to be hard enough; having his family around was going to make it worse. His fingers sunk into Joshua's hair again.

"That sounds nice."

Allegra laughed. "You don't sound like it would be. Well, I'll have to change your mind. Take care of yourself, Alexi. Make sure to call me when you get to your grandparents. I love you."

"Love you too." He hung up the call.

"Who do you love?" Joshua asked sleepily.

He glanced down to find Joshua watching him.

"My other secret boyfriend," he teased.

"Is he more handsome than me?" Joshua asked with a small yawn. "If he is, I have to go give him a visit. See if we can fix that."

"Are you the jealous type?"

"You have no idea."

Joshua rubbed his eyes to clear sleep.

"Well, that was my mother. She's calling to remind me about the Fourth. My grandparents have always had this party at their home in Montauk. I've missed it for the last two years."

"So, this time you have to go." Joshua concluded turning on his back so that he was looking up. "That's on Wednesday this week."

Alexi nodded, trying to gather the energy to ask if Joshua would come along. He'd loved meeting Eve, but Joshua's family was easy. His on the other hand, especially after the fiasco with Adrian, he bit his lower lip. Lily was still angry with him for refusing to sign the restraining order on Adrian.

"I'll come with you if you want." Joshua saved him with a small smile. "I'd love to meet your family."

"More like my extended family. They are my mom's parents. You'll be meeting my cousins, uncles and aunts."

"Sounds like fun," Joshua said.

"Are you sure? I mean, we can always skip, I can make it seem like I had some sort –

"I want to meet your family." Joshua insisted, his blue eyes shining with sincerity. "You've already met mine, and if you survived that, I can handle your side."

Alexi put away his phone and leaned down to press a kiss on the tip of Joshua's nose. "We'll see what happens to those sparkling eyes of yours when you actually meet my parents."

Joshua's stomach growled and Alexi raised an eyebrow. "I guess you're hungry."

"Yep," Joshua sat up. "Let's go have a pizza, a large, cheesy pizza and some cold drinks."

"Pizza sounds great." Alexi agreed as Joshua jumped gracefully to his feet. He watched Joshua stretch his arms above his head and twist from side to side. "You look like a contented cat."

"I think you meant a lion." Joshua puffed out his chest and mimed a roar.

Alexi laughed and shook his head.

"I don't know you might have to get a big beard to get that menace on."

"May be a wolf then, not a cat," Joshua negotiated.

Alexi handed him the dark folder and stood up, looking around for his sandals. He slipped his feet into them and stepped off the blanket. Joshua watched him fold the dark brown blanket. The sun turned electric blue eyes into breathtaking sparkling orbs. So keen, he could get lost in them. Did wolves have blue eyes? He didn't know.

"Maybe a wolf," Alexi answered. "That loyalty thing, you have that."

"They mate for life," Joshua said reaching out to touch his jaw for a second before his hand dropped. "Isn't that something you'd like?"

Alexi felt his heart flip again in his chest. "Sounds like a fantasy."

"You're a musician, Alexi. You should accept fantasy." Joshua held out his hand.

Alexi took it and couldn't help noting how tight Joshua clasped his hand.

"Is this going to be one of those ends versus point's arguments?"

He and Lily both agreed that the pointy side of a pizza slice was more delicious than the round end part. This was because all the cheesy goodness settled in the middle of the pizza when it melted. Joshua loved the round pizza ends especially when if they stuffed them with cheese. Hence, the endless argument of ends versus points had begun.

"Ends are better," Joshua started making him smile in amusement. "You know they are. You just don't want to see how great they can be. They are fulfilling, delicious, sometimes filled with cheese, Pizza ends are definitely better."

"What about the points?" Alexi asked moving aside and lifting their clasped hands to make room for a small boy. He moved closer to Joshua as they headed for the park gates. "Points are juicier, nutritious, and tastier. I don't see how you don't get that."

"Maybe we just have to try and see each other's sides. Like you, not accepting fantasy when you write music."

"Music is logical, I know it doesn't seem so, but it is. Its precise notes that come together, arranged a certain way, balanced in harmony, guaranteed to move the soul. It's logical."

Joshua chuckled as they left the park.

"You amaze me, Alexi. I'm going to have to change your view on fantasy. We can't have you living in the logical world."

"Logical makes sense, less pain," Alexi insisted. "You can rely on logic when things are hard."

"Fantasy nourishes the soul where logic doesn't."

"Fantasy is an illusion, unreal, a logical construction."

"That's the problem, you know, trying to make sense of fantasy is just wrong. You're supposed to take it as it is. No judgment, just accepting," Joshua said as they walked along the street.

"We're going to argue this until we're old and can't walk anymore." Alexi pointed out.

"I don't think I mind that at all."

Joshua declared with a wide grin that made Alexi stop in the middle of the street. He didn't think he would mind that at all either.

****

Joshua woke to the feel of Alexi's tongue lapping at his morning erection. His mouth was hot and teasing, his tongue playing over him, his teeth were sliding gently, wickedly. For a moment, Alexi sucked him deep into his throat and he groaned, lifting his hips, helpless in Alexi's thrall. His eyes weren't even open and he was already rock hard with Alexi's ministrations. He lifted his lashes to watch him.

Alexi looked like a contented cat, pleased and stimulated, his hair tumbled in spikes around his face. He watched his body slide in and out of Alexi's mouth, glistening wet, growing thicker and harder as he began to thrust forward and withdraw. Alexi did things with his tongue and teeth and his sinful mouth that drove him out of his mind.

Alexi pulled his hot mouth away and replaced it with something cold and wet. He smiled as he teased him with a strawberry fruit, sliding it over and around him, thoroughly coating strawberry juice over his bulging erection. He couldn't think he could get any thicker or harder but Alexi managed it.

"Good morning, I brought breakfast." Alexi popped the fruit into his mouth and went back to licking, this time teasing with his tongue as he tried to get the strawberry juice.

He chewed the fruit in his mouth, unable to tear his gaze away from Alexi for too long. Four weeks and three days of being with Alexi, and their insatiable need increased burning hot with each day. Alexi pulled away from his cock and shifted off the bed. He protested with a low husky moan. He moved to sit up but Alexi returned with a condom.

With a soft gasp, Alexi took him in, head thrown back, hands braced on his stomach as he pressed his hips down taking all of him. He bolted upright, his hands gripping Alexi's hips, grinding him down on him. He felt frenzied, unable to get enough of Alexi. He captured Alexi's mouth in a hot kiss as they rode hard toward a powerful climax.

He wrapped his arms around Alexi tightly as they fell back on the pillows. He laughed slightly when Alexi bit his nipple gently.

"Good morning to you too," he said his fingers sinking into Alexi's hair. "I don't think I can move. You sure know how to wake a man."

"Just you," Alexi replied.

He stroked his hand over Alexi's back. He couldn't believe it was already July.

Staring at the ceiling, he wondered what he was going to do in a month's time. Alexi was becoming a part of him, taking over his thoughts, his heart, making it impossible to live without being this close. How was he ever going to let him go?

Alexi shifted slightly and he held him fast. "I'm heavy."

"I like you right there." Joshua pressed a kiss on top of Alexi's hair.

"We have to get going soon." Alexi protested although he didn't move. "Lily will be knocking on the door."

Tomorrow was the Fourth of July and they were going to visit Alexi's grandparents for three days in Montauk. It sounded fun, but the thought of a house full of Alexi's extended family was daunting.

"We don't have to go," Alexi said quietly.

He'd received that offer more times, than he cared to count. Ever since they'd left the park on Sunday, Alexi seemed stuck between excitement and apprehension.

"I didn't go last year, and I haven't confirmed with Grandma-,"

"We're going." Joshua cut him off gently. "You've already met my family. It's time I met yours," he repeated wishing Alexi would trust him with whatever was bothering him.

"Well, it should be fun, lots of drinking, food, family drama. Or, we can just decide to stay here."

"And miss the fun?" Joshua rolled them to the side so that he could look at Alexi's face.

Alexi pressed a hand to his chest slightly as he laid his head on his pillow. A frown danced on his smooth forehead for a second. Something was definitely bothering Alexi, he decided.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "You've been wired about this whole issue since your Mom called. Just go ahead and tell me what's bugging you."

"There is something I need to tell you." Alexi started, shaking his head. "I mean, you need to know about it before we go to Montauk because everyone will be talking and you-,"

Joshua pressed his lips against Alexi's to stop the nervous tirade. Alexi moaned, kissing him back. They broke apart after a moment and Joshua caressed his jaw.

"Just tell me."

Alexi sighed.

"I had a long time boyfriend before you. We broke up last year."

"So," Joshua asked his brow creasing.

He didn't like to think of any other man who might have been this close to Alexi.

"Well, his name was Adrian. Not 'was', 'is' because he's not dead. But that's not the point. I just wanted to tell you that my grandparents knew him and so did everyone in my family. They'll probably talk about him because we had a complicated relationship. I thought you should know in case they bring him up."

He stared at Alexi for a moment. He didn't like the nervous glance Alexi was giving him. Obviously, there was something else going on with this Arian, or Alan.

Alexi sat up abruptly, pushing back his hair with a frustrated hand. Yep, there was definitely more to the tale. He didn't like it.

"Are you going to say something, anything? What are you thinking?" Alexi demanded when he didn't comment.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Ask questions." Alexi frowned getting off the bed.

"Why the hell would I want to know about your ex? You two are not together anymore, that's all I need to know."

Alexi studied him for a moment, a frown dancing on his forehead. Joshua wondered what was going through that handsome head. Before he could ask, Alexi gave him a tight smile.

"You're right. I'm going to take a shower."

Joshua sat up pulling off the condom and throwing it into the trashcan by the bedside table. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Alexi headed toward the bathroom.

He sat on the side of the bed, staring at his lover's ass. Showering together sounded good, he stretched his arms above his head and yawned lazily. He got up to follow Alexi only to have the bathroom door close in his face.

"Obviously you're not alright. Wanna talk about it?" he called through the closed door.

A click on the lock answered his comment. What was he supposed to have asked? Was Aden great in bed? What kind of name was Aden?

"I'll just get some coffee then."

He picked up his jeans from an armchair by the wall and pulled them on. Running fingers through his hair, he left the bedroom and headed to the kitchen. He found Lily perched on a stool at the island table eating cereal. Her fingers moved a mile a minute over the keypad on her blackberry.

"I heard there was going to be an Olympic event for phone texting. You should join." He smiled at her.

She made a face at him. "Someone's grouchy in the morning. Didn't you get some?"

"Just this morning actually," he said smiling at her.

He picked up a mug from a tray on the table and moved to the coffee maker.

"Where's Alexi?"

"He's taking a shower."

"Did you two talk?" Lily asked putting her phone on the table. "I told him it's better to be prepared. His grandparents love prying."

"Are you the one who put him up to a talk about his ex-boyfriend?"

Joshua sipped the fragrant coffee, closing his eyes in bliss. All this talk about ex-boyfriends was ruining a perfect morning. Waking up to, Alexi making love to him was like winning gold. There was no way he was going to let them spoil this with talk of ex-boyfriends.

"I don't want to know."

"Have you met Alexi's family?" Lily frowned at him. "They're not an easy crowd if you're unprepared. You need to know what to expect. Don't think they don't know about you."

"What does that mean?"

"Didn't Alexi tell you?" She sighed when he shook his head. "Everyone close to him gets a background check."

"A background check?" he gaped. Did that mean-, "wait, you don't mean me?"

Lily shrugged. "In the past there were issues. I thought you just talked about his ex?"

Joshua put his coffee on the counter feeling as if he was missing something important.

"Why didn't you tell me you were running a background check? You could have just asked me whatever you wanted to know."

"Don't take offense," Lily said gently. "It's my responsibility to make sure that Alexi is safe."

"I can't believe Alexi didn't tell me."

"I'll explain, Lily," Alexi said from the kitchen entrance.

"You had your people check up on me? What you don't trust me?"

"I do trust you."

Alexi walked into the kitchen looking handsome in a printed gray t-shirt and checkered gray pants. His damp hair pushed back, his face glowing from his shower. Joshua fought the urge to pull him into his arms and breathe in his delicious scent.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Did it even matter?

Yeah, it did, Joshua thought with a frown.

"Lily, will you give us a moment?" Alexi asked softly.

Lily got off her stool with a shake of her head.

"Josh, don't be angry with Alexi for the background check. I ordered it, he had no idea it was happening. But, in my defense, I had good reason."

She left the kitchen with a huff and he turned to Alexi.

"Does this have to do with your ex-boyfriend?"

Alexi sat on Lily's stool.

"I know you don't want to hear about my ex, but there are things I need to explain."

"It's incredibly petty, but what can I do. I don't want to hear stories that involve you with another man. Alexi-," he started shaking his head.

Obviously, this wasn't going to disappear. Alexi's brown eyes were pleading with him, he was determined they discuss this Alan.

"Fine, obviously there's no escaping this, so just get it over with."

Alexi nodded and took in a deep breath.

"Adrian and I met when I was seventeen. I thought we might have had a life together but I was wrong.

He didn't like the look on Alexi's face when he mentioned the idiot who'd let him go. He hated how Alexi's voice had turned all soft and nostalgic, he cursed under his breath.

Alexi got off the stool and paced for a few minutes, running fingers through his damp hair.

"I-

Alexi stopped at a loss.

"Do you still love him?" he asked.

"No!" Alexi shook his head, his brown eyes wide.

Joshua felt his heart plummet when he saw the hesitation return.

"I thought I did, but," Alexi blushed, "that's changed since I met you."

"Good, I was starting to worry I might have to find this Alain."

"Adrian." Alexi corrected with a sigh, his gaze dropped to the floor.

The silence prolonged and he wondered if this Adrian had died? Alexi was clearly struggling to tell this story.

"We can always do this another time," he tried to say.

But Alexi just sat on his stool again and blurted out.

"Adrian cheated on me and-," Alexi chocked on his next words, "he stole from me. I was too blind to see what he was doing. I mean-...I thought-...I don't know what I thought. I'm an idiot-,"

Joshua covered Alexi's hands with his on the table.

"You're not an idiot. You can be stubborn, but not an idiot."

"I thought I could fix what we had, make it work, but he-," Alexi lifted his head to look at him. "He betrayed me, Josh."

"How long ago was this?" Joshua asked.

Alexi's gaze dropped to their tangled fingers.

"I found out what he'd done just after I came to New York."

"Was it before or after we met?" Joshua asked thinking about the first meeting Alexi had done with Tony. The horrible days when Alexi wouldn't see him or talk to him, he'd almost thought they'd never be together.

"After you and I met in the park." Alexi sighed. "I trusted him. Adrian was my best friend, and even after we broke up, I couldn't let him go."

Joshua closed his eyes tight. He didn't even know the whole story, and he didn't like this Adrian bastard already.

"Why don't you start from the beginning?"

Alexi looked at him.

"Are you sure you want to know? I mean-,"

"Don't leave out anything."

****

It took a few minutes to get Alexi started, but by the time he was done, Joshua was sure of one thing. Adrian Rosen was a bastard. Joshua clenched his jaw as he sat at the kitchen table and wished the bastard would walk through the door. Adrian deserved a beating and possibly a shot in the leg for good measure. Alexi nursed his coffee as he finished his tale.

"Taka and Lily begged me to sign a restraining order against him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't think he'll try to come back but if he does, I want to ask him why he did it. I thought we meant more to each other than that."

"Alexi, there are answers you don't want in life." Joshua placed his hand over Alexi's on his coffee cup. "I'm lucky all Lily wanted was a back ground check on me. I probably would have gone overboard if I were her."

"My family has a tendency to go overboard." Alexi kept his gaze lowered to his coffee. "I needed you to know about Adrian before we go to my grandparents."

"I understand." Joshua patted Alexi's hand before he sat back in his chair. "So, what did they find out? Do I have a long lost relative with a lot of money?"

Alexi's eyes widened for a moment before he laughed, a contagious melodious laugh made Joshua smile.

"I actually don't know. Lily has the report, if you want to see it."

"You didn't look at it?" Joshua raised his eyebrows in surprise. He'd expected Alexi to get the report. "And here I thought you knew all there was to know about me."

"I prefer to know about you from you." Alexi confessed shyly. "But if you really want to read it-,"

"I don't." Joshua cut in with a shrug. "I don't care what they found. I've never lied to you, Alexi."

"I know." Alexi smiled at him. "Except when you said you didn't want to hear about Adrian."

"Did I?" Joshua shrugged. He didn't care for this Adrian. "Well, he is not that great a guy. It's his loss."

"His loss," Alexi repeated with a questioning glance.

"Yes, his loss that he let you go."

Joshua got off his stool and walked around the kitchen table to Alexi. He captured Alexi's delectable mouth in a hard demanding kiss. He savored the strong taste of coffee, his tongue dueling with Alexi's, stroking, possessing. His heart hammered against his chest as he broke away to catch his breath and kissed Alexi again.

He didn't want to stop, wouldn't have stopped if Lily didn't choose that moment to interrupt them. Alexi moaned when he pulled back and pressed his face into Joshua's chest. Joshua glanced at Lily with an accusing gaze.

"What? You two got quiet in here; I thought you killed each other." She raised her hands up in surrender. "I should have known you were past the petty fight. That kiss was hot."

"Go away, Lily." Alexi ordered against his chest.

Joshua stroked a hand over Alexi's trembling back.

"I'd love to darling, but you both need to get ready. Nonna Marion will start calling me in exactly two hours," Lily said holding up her phone.

Alexi groaned and pulled away.

"It takes almost three hours to drive to Old Montauk. You need to get ready, Josh. Go take a shower."

"Are you sure you won't join me?" Joshua asked reluctant to let go of Alexi.

His body was raging at him, needing Alexi. He stroked fingers through brown silky hair.

"Not if you want to make a good impression on that woman." Lily warned waving her Blackberry at him. "Alexi, tell him."

"Shower, Josh. I promise to make the three hour ride memorable." Alexi bargained with a sly smile at him. "Lily got us a limo."

Joshua grinned at the bribe. He winked at Lily and hurried out of the kitchen.

****

"Promising wild sexual favors in the back of a limo," Lily mused. "You've come a long way, Alexander Kotaru."

Alexi blushed at her compliment and buried his face in his hands.

"I don't know how I'm going to handle Nonna Marion. She's going to grill Joshua like a drill sergeant. You have to help me, Lily. Why aren't you coming today?"

"Because I don't want to interrupt wild sexual favors in the back of a limo," Lily said taking his coffee. She sipped it with a sigh. "Besides, I have my own problems to deal with. Taka is not sure about going there tomorrow. You know how your clan gets."

"Everyone's known about you two for years." Alexi told her dropping his hands to study her. "He used to watch you from a corner in all the company parties I dragged you to."

"What," Lily frowned and met his gaze. "You're joking with me."

"Phillip is the one who pointed it out to me once." Alexi told her with a smile. "I think it will be a relief, Taka was starting to look pitiful."

"Why didn't you ever say anything to me?"

Alexi took back his coffee from her and sipped it. "I thought you had your reasons. The same way you tolerated Adrian even though you didn't like him."

"A lot of people don't like Adrian, your father, your mother, brother, and even your grandparents. You held on to him so tightly, I don't think you would have seen what he was doing if it weren't for Joshua."

"What are you saying?" Alexi frowned at her.

She took his coffee cup.

"I'm pretty sure Nonna Marion will be kinder to Joshua than she was to Adrian."

"How come you never told me?" Alexi asked as she finished his coffee.

"Were you in a position to listen?"

She raised a brow at him when he started to protest. Lily always did what he asked, protecting his interest even when she was against them. He'd been adamant about keeping Adrian as a friend even after they broke up. An irrational fear of being alone had forced that need he knew that now. Lily wouldn't have been able to convince him otherwise.

She placed his coffee mug on the table. She was in old pink pajama bottoms and a sleeveless pink tee shirt. She smiled at him when she found him staring.

"I finished your coffee."

He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. The chaste kiss had her blinking in surprise.

"What was that for?"

"Thanks Lily, I know I don't say that often." He ruffled her messed up short hair and got off the stool. "But, that's okay 'coz I let you steal my coffee. I told you to get a boyfriend and steal his coffee."

"In case you haven't noticed I do have a boyfriend now."

"Then we need to get you to a psychiatrist. You have a strange fixation for my coffee."

She stuck her tongue out at him and he sighed.

Lily laughed and ordered.

"Go get your bags ready, the driver is going to be calling in the next twenty minutes."

"Twenty?" he made a show of panic. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

"Excuse me, who was having a nervous breakdown two hours ago?" Lily pointed out as he rushed out of the kitchen.

****

Seventeen

Joshua sat on the couch beside Marion Taylor in her large living area and found his attention riveted to the album she was turning on the glass coffee table. It was almost three o'clock in the afternoon and he'd yet to crush and burn three hours into their three-day weekend.

A good sign..., he frowned, he hadn't decided yet.

"This one is Allegra, my youngest and Alexi's mother." Marion pointed to a brunette smiling into the lens holding a baby boy. "She's holding Phillip, Alexi's older brother."

"She's beautiful." Joshua complimented noting that Alexi had his mother's eyes. They were kind brown eyes that constantly fascinated him on Alexi. "She looks like Alexi."

"You're right about that."

Marion smiled adjusting her reading glasses. She turned her silver head to look at him. Her gaze made him feel like an ant caught under a microscope.

The moment she'd met them at the front door he'd understood Lily's urgency. Marion was a woman who missed nothing.

Her hair, elegantly streaked with gray was tied back with a clip. She was dressed in a pristine yellow dress, her feet in yellow Capri keds. When they'd walked up the steps, she'd pulled Alexi into a long maternal hug and scrutinized him keenly. She'd greeted Joshua with a slight smile, but he was no novice. He'd known with that one glance that she was reserving her judgment until she spent time with him.

They'd had a lively short lunch in the kitchen. He'd found out that Alexi's grandfather had gone out to pick up two of Alexi's uncles from the airport. He'd also gotten to meet two of Alexi's cousins, John and Vic who were in their late teens. The two cousins were staying with their grandparents for the summer and were helping prepare for the party tomorrow. It turns out that they were the first of the guests to arrive.

After lunch, Marion had sent Alexi off with his cousins to make sure the beach was ready for a volleyball game tomorrow. When he'd stood up to follow Alexi, she'd tantalized him with this album session saying it wasn't right to make a guest work the first day. Alexi had given him a swift kiss on his cheek and left without a thought. Marion was a smart woman he mused as she turned the page.

"Allegra is the most vibrant of my children." Miriam continued as she pointed at an older picture with five smiling children. "I had three boys and two girls. Two months ago, I became a great grandmother. My oldest son's daughter welcomed a beautiful little boy. The Taylor generation is growing."

"You have a lovely family, Mrs. Taylor."

Joshua peered at the summer shot of the five children in swimsuits by the beach. He guessed their ages at around fourteen for the oldest and five for the youngest.

"Will they all be here for the fourth?"

"Everyone except Allegra, her husband and Phillip," Marion said. "I'm hoping she will insist they come before Alexi leaves New York. I don't get to see her as often as I'd like. She runs a foundation and Hideki heads his family business, they're busy people."

"I'm sure they'll come."

Joshua assured her sitting back on the settee as she shifted the album to her lap and closed it. She turned on the seat to look at him.

"Tell me about you, Joshua Randolph. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a professor at NYU, Eastern Literature."

"Have you written recent papers?" She placed the album on the coffee table. "I only ask because my other daughter is an environmental biology professor. She's constantly lost in the jungle studying plants and insects."

He chuckled.

"I'm more likely to be lost in old dusty books in India. My research is currently on hold. I haven't had time to spend on any papers this summer."

Truth was Alexi was more interesting than spending time reading about the Japanese Meiji period. Before Alexi, he'd planned to make sense of notes he'd received from a fellow professor from the Tokyo University. The notes were an account of a Samurai's life in the Meiji period that had seemed exciting when he first received them. He'd stacked them on a pile of his research on a desk at his house. He hadn't touched them since meeting Alexi.

Marion studied him for a moment.

"I wasn't sure what to expect when Alexi told us he'd be bringing his boyfriend. He stayed away from us for two years. You can imagine my shock when a month ago we get news that Adrian, his long time boyfriend, is a thief."

He met her gaze and nodded. "Alexi told me."

"Of course he did," Marion said with a small smile. "He was probably afraid I'd sit you down and run you through a short painful interview."

"Are you?" Joshua asked with a grin.

"We're having one right now, young man." Marion returned his grin. "I can see why he likes you so much. You're very easy going. Tell me about your family. You have two sisters, is that right?"

Joshua nodded glad that she wasn't pretending not to know.

"Yes I do. Jenny and Alicia both married now. Alicia just before summer started. Actually, Alexi and I met the morning of Alicia's wedding."

Marion's eyes widened. "How do you mean? Was Alexi at the wedding?"

"No," Joshua chuckled. "He was running in the morning at the park, and a little incident happened. You can say we ran into each other."

"Details," Marion said her eyes bright with excitement.

"Well, my sister had her wedding at Bryant Park and I was making sure the site was ready. City council was putting up some sort of statue and they lost control while they were lifting it up. Alexi was running along the path listening to music, oblivious to the situation and I just ran toward him. Hoping that I'd reach him before the huge statue did."

"Oh my God," Marion gaped. "Obviously you did. Otherwise, I'd not have my Alexi."

"I did. I tackled him full force into the ground and he cursed at me for my efforts. He was yelling at me in Japanese, you can imagine my surprise."

Marion laughed. "He gets that way when he's excited. So you speak Japanese?"

"Yes. My research demands I know Asian languages, so many of the documents I find are written in Japanese, or Chinese so it's a necessity." Joshua shrugged. "It comes in handy when we're sitting around with Alexi and Lily."

"You talk with Lily Mikado?" Marion asked with a raised brow.

"Yes, she's very charming and protective of Alexi. She's also tough, I'm half afraid of her."

Marion burst into a laugh. "Lily is a girl after my own heart. Joshua Randolph, I don't think I'll mind you too much."

He smiled at the way she phrased that statement. A soft knock on the door had Marion raising her head to look at the young maid standing by the door.

"Yes, Terry."

"The catering company is here and the party planner as well."

"Good, show them in." Marion turned to him. "Well, I hope you're ready for a Taylor family weekend. We're a lively bunch, but I think you'll survive."

She stood up and smoothed her dress down with her left hand. With her right, she pointed to the terrace doors.

"Those doors should let you out to the swimming pool and beyond that, there's a small white gate that will take you to the beach."

"Are you sure I can't help with anything in here?" he asked.

"No, tomorrow you can help. Today, go enjoy the beach." She smiled and waved him off just as a young woman who looked like she should be in vogue magazine walked in with a wide smile. "And here is the party planner, Gina, you look lovely as always."

"Thank you, Mrs. Taylor." Gina greeted Marion with a short handshake.

He left them seating down to go through the folders Gina had brought with her. He walked along the length of the pool, stepped off the pavement onto the deep green patch of grass. A small gate led him into a dirt path with trees and shrubs on either side. He smiled as the scent of salty water filled his nostrils. The dirt path turned to sand and opened to the beach. He took in the ocean blue-green water dotted with boats.

An excited cry had him jerking his head to his left to find Alexi running toward him. He grinned at Alexi's enthusiastic reception, but when Alexi ducked behind him, he glanced up to find Vic poised with a water balloon, which he promptly launched.

Alexi laughed and took off at a run as the water balloon splashed on him wetting his shirt. Vic roared with laughter and rushed after Alexi. Behind him, their other cousin, John, appeared holding two balloons filled with water.

He groaned and started after Alexi and Vic. They ended up at the beach trying to escape John's balloons. He grabbed Alexi and pulled him into a kiss, long enough to divert John. John stood holding his balloons and Vic grabbed them out of his hands and smashed them on top of John's head.

Joshua broke the kiss and grinned at John.

"Gotcha ya," Joshua teased.

Alexi grinned and shook his head. "He's going to get you back when you least expect it."

"I'll be waiting."

Joshua slipped an arm around Alexi's waist as the cousins laughed happily.

***

Alexi leaned on the back of a couch in the living room and watched Joshua talking with his uncles. They laughed and he smiled at the easy way Joshua seemed to meld into his family. His cousins liked him; his aunt thought he was handsome. His grandfather was still a bit cold but he'd expected that from Phillip Taylor.

"Stop ogling him." Marion leaned on the couch beside him handing him a glass of strawberry juice. "Your heart is in your eyes."

"Is it?" he asked glancing at her. She looked vibrant having changed from her day dress to an elegant deep blue dress. Diamond earrings sparkled at her earlobes. "You look glamorous."

"Still a charmer," Marion teased. "How are you my dear? I haven't gotten a chance to ask you that."

"I'm fine," he shrugged his gaze returning to Joshua. "More than fine actually, I feel great."

Marion took his free hand and intertwined their fingers. His gaze dropped to her delicate hands and he frowned as he realized how fragile her fingers seemed.

"Are you taking care of yourself, Nonna?"

"What a question? I'm taking care of myself. I just worry when you don't come visit me." Marion complained. "Imagine my shock when Taka told me about Adrian. He was never good enough for you."

"Nonna," Alexi started to protest.

"No, there are things we need to talk about. Like the fact that you won't sign a restraining order on that little thief. Can you please rethink that and do what Taka tells you?"

"I don't want to talk about this." Alexi shook his head and turned to study her. "Please, I just want to forget about that whole situation."

"It won't disappear like magic, Alexi. It can't."

"I want it to." Alexi insisted with a sigh. "I really do, especially now that I have Josh. Don't you think it's the best way to deal with that situation?"

Marion's gaze slid to Joshua who was still standing with his uncles sipping wine. Joshua looked at them and he smiled tentatively.

"He does seem to have a better head on his shoulders than Adrian." Marion returned her gaze to Alexi. "Fine, but your grandfather and I are here if something should come up. If Adrian shows up, or causes trouble, don't hesitate to call us. We still have some clout somewhere."

Alexi laughed. "You run a prestigious research foundation, Nonna."

"That's just a hobby." Marion shrugged and bumped his shoulder. "So, how's the sex."

Alexi spit out his juice almost choking.

"Nonna," he exclaimed.

"What? It's a perfectly reasonable question," Marion said seriously her gaze on his grandfather. "Just because I'm your grandmother, doesn't mean that I've turned into some sort of prude."

Alexi wiped his mouth and shook his head.

"It's fine," he said grudgingly.

"Just fine," Marion raised her eyebrow at him and he blushed. "You can't keep your eyes off him."

"How are we having this conversation?" Alexi asked with a groan. "I'm not saying anymore."

"If it's just fine, you're not doing it right." Marion continued with a laugh.

Alexi felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. How was he supposed to tell his grandmother she didn't need to worry about that area in his and Josh's relationship?

"Your mother called me earlier when you were at the beach. She's happy you made it."

He nodded, his gaze returning to Joshua who was busy explaining a point to one of his uncles.

"She wants to come to New York in August."

"Good, I miss her." Marion nodded in approval. "Your grandfather and I, we'll come to New York to meet them."

"Nonna," Alexi said softly, his heart clenching tightly at the thought of August coming so quickly. "How did you know Grandpa was the right one for you?"

Marion glanced at him then, her gaze returning to Joshua.

"I just knew."

She squeezed his fingers.

"Your heart just knows, my dear Alexi."

"I thought my heart knew when I was holding on to Adrian." Alexi shuddered. "I was wrong."

"Then don't rush into any decisions," Marion soothed. "Enjoy the moment; the rest will fall into place."

A shout of excitement filled the living room and Marion sighed as she noticed Vic and John in the middle of a small crowd.

"Those pranksters are at it again. I'm afraid they'll start throwing rotten eggs at everyone."

"Didn't they already do that one?"

Marion grimaced and hurried to the laughing crowd by the glass bookshelves.

"Want to go make out in the broom closet?" Joshua asked a few minutes later.

He smiled.

"I'd love to, although, I'm afraid Vic might have rigged the door with a bucket of water."

Joshua laughed.

"Your cousins are so much fun. I think they've been planning this all summer."

"More like every summer," Alexi said holding out a hand to Joshua. He smiled when Joshua squeezed his fingers gently. "How are the uncles?"

"Talking about the best places to go fishing," Joshua said with a short smile.

Alexi glanced over Joshua's shoulder and found his grandfather watching them. "Seems like grandpa is being the difficult one this time."

"We have all day tomorrow." Joshua placed his glass on a passing tray. Alexi did the same. "I wonder if we sneaked out of this dinner party if anyone would notice."

Alexi grinned. "Nonna is busy trying to control the terror twins in the corner. Grandpa is doing his best to ignore us, so I think we can make an escape."

"Great," Joshua leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "I saw you blush beet red and I want to know why. I thought I was the only one who could do that to you."

***

Old family traditions filled the Fourth of July celebrations in the Taylor house, Joshua decided. Phillip and Marion Taylor brought together five sets of families, turning their beach house into a little village.

Joshua reclined on a lounge chair watching kids dig out sand intent on building castles and statues. Alexi's older cousins were taking turns racing jet skis in the ocean. The aunts sat under an airy beach tent drinking margaritas, gossiping and laughing like schoolgirls. The uncles had disappeared at some point; he hadn't seen them when he'd returned an hour ago. Wherever they'd gone, they seemed to have taken Alexi with them as well.

He gasped when a cold bottle touched his jaw and glanced up to find Alexi grinning at him.

"You look lonely, lover."

Joshua smiled taking the cold beer.

"My date disappeared and left me with the aliens."

"You're the alien," Alexi leaned down to kiss him and the round of whistles and catcalls had them both laughing.

Alexi waved at his cousins as he pulled away and sat down on the lounge chair beside his.

"Your family is cool, I like them." Joshua confessed as he held on to Alexi's hand tightly.

"What about Grandpa?" Alexi asked with a worried frown. "I woke up and you were gone. When I got downstairs, I heard you and Grandpa went out on his boat fishing. Was it alright?"

"Yeah," Joshua said with a smile.

He'd woken up first this morning and since Alexi had slept late, he'd left him to rest and gone downstairs in search of breakfast. He'd found Phillip Taylor already having breakfast at the large picnic table in the kitchen.

"He told me about his new boat while we were having breakfast. We got to talking and he offered to take me out on a short spin. Once we got out in the ocean, we stopped in the middle of nowhere, and ended up fishing. I caught two fish."

Alexi chuckled. "What did you talk about?"

"Normal stuff," Joshua shrugged.

"What is normal stuff?" Alexi asked determined to know everything.

"About business, the stock market, we moved on to fish, land, politics, I forgot to write the minutes," Joshua teased when Alexi stared at him with wide brown eyes.

Alexi's lips curved into a smile.

"I had fun, Alexi." Joshua promised.

In fact he'd felt like he was hanging out with his own father. Despite the gruff attitude, it was surprisingly easy to get along with Phillip. He tugged on Alexi's hand.

"Where did you go?

"I was helping the Uncles with the barbecue." Alexi sighed. "Does it make sense to hire a catering company and insist to barbecue?"

Joshua laughed at Alexi's disgruntled tone. "It's great to see you among your people. You have a glow about you."

"Do I?" Alexi wrinkled his nose and flashed him a smile. "I think it's frustration you're seeing. Anyway, the best part comes in the evening. There will be fireworks on the beach later."

"How long have they done that?"

"Years," Alexi said. "The house belonged to Grandpa's dad. They used to celebrate July 4 here too those days. We're steeped in Taylor traditions."

"Must be weird for your mum to miss this then," Joshua noted his gaze on the giggling aunties in the tent. The margaritas were definitely flowing in there.

"She made it last year." Alexi shrugged. He pushed up his sunglasses, settling on his lounge chair. "I feel like a nap. Jeez being here makes me so lazy."

"Relax, sleep." Joshua urged loving the view of Alexi's bare chest in the sun.

His skin was turning into a gorgeous gold that Joshua wanted to see up close and personal later. Alexi mumbled under his breath and promptly fell asleep.

Joshua glanced at his watch. It was only eleven o'clock in the morning. He was imagining what it would be like to live here year round when a wild shout interrupted his thoughts. He sat up in time to dodge a water-filled balloon. He reached for Alexi rolling them both to the sand just as another one hit the spot where Alexi had been sleeping.

"What's going on?" Alexi mumbled relaxing on his chest.

"We're getting attacked with water balloons." He chuckled trying to see where their assailant was.

"Vic and John," Alexi groaned. "We're going to have to get up and make a run for it. Those two are like ninjas. They don't quit."

"Or we could just stay here and let them get us," Joshua said his arm wrapped around Alexi's back.

"I don't know," Alexi started to rise but he pulled him down.

"Too late to run," Joshua said with a laugh staring at Vic and John grinning above them. "Hey guys, what if we surrender."

"Too late," Vic declared holding a water gun and promptly opening fire on them.

Alexi gasped as cold water drenched his back making Joshua laugh. John rewarded his laugh with a spray in his face that had him rolling to the side.

"You terrors," Alexi roared scrambling up to his feet.

Vic laughed and took off in a run followed by John. Alexi wiped water from his face and started after them.

Joshua sat up in time to see Alexi catch Vic's t-shirt. Everyone laughed when Vic maneuvered expertly and slipped out of the garment leaving Alexi holding the white t-shirt. Alexi threw the t-shirt on the sand and turned around with a wide grin. The wind tossed Alexi's hair into his face, he reached up to push it back and Joshua caught his breath.

****

Eighteen

Later that evening, after an afternoon spent playing volleyball at the beach, there was a formal dinner in the dining room at the house. Joshua sat beside Alexi sipping wine while he watched Alexi try to out wit his biologist aunt. His thoughts filled with the conversation he and Phillip Taylor had in the morning while they'd been fishing.

"Are you working towards tenure at NYU, Joshua?"

"Yes."

"Why did you want to become a Professor?"

"I loved the idea of teaching what I know."

Joshua chuckled when Phillip raised a silver brow at him.

"Alright, maybe I'd watched a few too many Indiana Jones movies. I figured adventure came with a pair of well-worn boots and a dusty hat. Unfortunately, the furthest I've managed to go is a few trips to the East in comfortable business class. The adventure has been in dusty libraries and surviving food poisoning."

Phillip laughed. "Sounds like a young man in search of himself to me."

Joshua marveled at how easy it was to talk to this man.

"Well, hopefully it will come together soon."

"It's quite normal." Phillip assured him. "I've only known one person in my family who knew what they wanted from childhood."

"Who is it?"

"Alexi," Phillip answered with pride. "That boy used to spend hours on a piano his mother bought him when he was eleven. By the time he arrived in New York, for Julliard, I could see his destination. He's always been too drawn into his world."

"It makes him a brilliant musician." Joshua commented remembering how focused Alexi had been when he'd been writing the film score.

"There's no doubt about that." Phillip agreed. "But, it blinds him from reality. There are people who take advantage of him, -and have done so-, while he trusted them."

"You mean his ex-boyfriend," Joshua said having expected they'd get to this topic.

"Yes, that Adrian Rosen, there was also a manager a couple of years ago before Lily." Phillip shook his head. "He feels things deeper than most, so I'm sure Adrian's betrayal hurt him more than he's letting on."

"Are you telling me this to warn me not to hurt him?"

"I'm telling you this because it's something you need to keep in mind. His parents will take him with them in August. His Japanese tour will be starting, and you might not get to see him again. A man must know his odds, Joshua Randolph."

Joshua winced. "I understand."

"Good." Phillip gave him a knowing glance. "It's always best to know what you're jumping into."

Phillip's words haunted him.

He couldn't compete with a national tour and the fame Alexander Kotaru commanded. He had no idea what he had that could keep Alexi here in New York with him. No adventure, no prestige, and thanks to Adrian's callous actions, even the promise to love Alexi forever wouldn't hold that much of an allure.

Joshua frowned as Alexi turned to smile at him right then, his heart squeezed hopelessly at the sight of that smile.

"It's almost time for the fireworks." Alexi grabbed his hand pushing his chair back. "I know the perfect spot to watch them."

Joshua felt like he was floating as he stood up, unbuttoning his jacket as he followed Alexi through the Taylor family crowd. Out in the night, a cool breeze sobered him and he held on to Alexi's hand slowing him down.

"Are you alright?" Alexi asked as they walked behind Vic and John on the path to the beach. "You've been quiet throughout dinner."

Joshua wrapped an arm around Alexi's shoulders.

"I want to tell you something important."

Alexi stiffened pausing to look at him.

"This can't be good. You're using your serious voice."

"I don't have a serious voice." Joshua complained.

"Yes you do, I hear it all the time when you're sitting in on the student lectures for the summer program. It's very scary."

Joshua chuckled and shook his head. He tried to moderate his voice to a lighter tone.

"Alright then, how about now?" he asked.

"It's not any better, now you're just treating me like a scared student." Alexi decided as they came to the beach and he led the way to a small sand dune.

Joshua waited for Alexi to sit first before he settled beside him.

"What is it? Tell me," Alexi said turning to look at him in the moonlight.

All around them, the rest of the family found spots on the beach to settle down ready for the fireworks show. Beyond them, the ocean gently swept the shore.

Joshua turned to look at Alexi and forced a smile. "I feel like a teenager right now about to ask the guy he likes out for the first time."

Alexi chuckled and lifted his hand up to caress his jaw.

"You're no teenager, Josh. I know that very well. You're all man."

Joshua leaned his head closer to Alexi with a small nervous chuckle. Looking into Alexi's brown eyes, he took in a deep breath and sighed.

"I love you, Alexander Kotaru."

Alexi stared at him holding his breath.

"I know we've only known each other two and a half months, but it doesn't seem to matter to my heart. This afternoon while you were chasing those two terrors in the beach, it just dawned on me that I can't live without you."

"Josh." Alexi's voice trembled, his fingers tangling with Joshua's warm ones.

"You don't have to say anything." Joshua swallowed hard refusing to think about their future. "In fact, don't say anything. I just needed you to know."

Alexi stared at him at a loss, and then because the fireworks chose that moment to start, Joshua leaned down and captured Alexi's mouth in a searing kiss. Alexi clung to his shoulders as they kissed, their fireworks bursting in a wild colorful riot in the sky.

****

"So, have you met Alexi's older brother, Josh?" Vic asked the next morning at breakfast.

"No."

Alexi buttered his toast and took a small bite. "Phillip hasn't made it to New York this year."

"So, Phillip is named after your grandfather, who are you named after Alexi?" Joshua asked with a smile

"Alexander the great," Vic and John both said with a laugh.

"Auntie Allegra is into history." Vic explained when Joshua raised his brow in question. "She used to tell stories about Greeks when she came to visit."

"You never told me this," Joshua accused Alexi.

Alexi shrugged. "I didn't want to scare you away. She can be persistent with that stuff. You won't be smiling when she starts talking about the Persian wars."

Vic and John both groaned.

"See." Alexi pointed to his cousins.

Joshua chuckled and ate his cereal. "Do you two live around here?"

"We wish." Vic sighed. "Summer ends and we're headed back to Boston. I'm starting my senior year and John was accepted into the Cornell Business Program."

"Congratulations, John." Joshua praised. "You must be excited."

"It's half and half," John replied with a small shrug.

Alexi reached out to pat his hand. "It's going to be alright. Vic can always visit."

"Yeah, that's what mum said too," Vic said his head down. "But-, I'll be alone. Do you know we've been in the same school for years? I've always had someone to fool around with during lunch period. We join teams together and have the same friends. It's the everyday stuff I'm going to miss."

John bumped Vic's shoulder with his and said, "We'll survive, and next year you'll come to Cornell."

Vic agreed and smiled.

Alexi felt their struggle. Staring at his toast, he thought about Joshua's declaration last night. He'd written love songs, matching music to emotions he imagined people felt when they were in love. But last night-, he crumbled his toast.

He'd lied with his music. Love was not beautiful. No, it was frightening and unsure. He wasn't floating on clouds. Instead, he was terrified. Terrified to lose Joshua, terrified of the emotions bottled up inside him, afraid they'd disappear after the summer ended.

"Alexi?"

He glanced up to find Joshua watching him.

"Are you alright?" Joshua asked.

He stared into Joshua's eyes for a moment and put his toast on the plate.

"I feel like ice cream."

"It's nine o'clock in the morning." Joshua frowned.

"I know." Alexi stood and headed for the fridge.

"There's no ice-cream." Vic told him before he could open the freezer. "We ate it last night."

Alexi sighed and opened the freezer anyway hoping to find a forgotten container. When he found none, he closed the freezer door. "Well, then let's go to town."

Vic and John pushed their chairs back and got up eager for a trip out of the house. Joshua sat at the table studying him. His blue eyes unsettling, Alexi cleared his throat and looked away.

"Are you coming?" Alexi asked as he turned to leave the kitchen. "Last one in the car gets to wash it later."

Vic and John ran off, their sandals loud on the hardwood floors. Joshua pushed his chair back and asked, "Ice-cream?"

Alexi nodded.

"You're freaking out because of what I said last night, aren't you?" Joshua narrowed his gaze and he shrugged.

"It's just ice-cream. Let's go before those two decide they're both driving." He turned and started for the front door.

"Scaredy cat," Joshua teased him.

"You get to wash the car later," Alexi told him with a laugh.

The trip into town took longer than Alexi had intended. Vic and John managed to take them around town to their favorite haunts after they left the ice cream parlor. They ended up getting to the house in the afternoon to find the rest of the family getting ready to leave. By the time they'd hugged all the aunts and uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces, Alexi was ready to make his own get away.

Taking Joshua's hand, he led him upstairs for a moment alone. Marion intercepted them before they could reach their door.

"Can I see you guys for a moment?" she said. She led the way to the end of the hallway.

"Nonna, we really should get going." Alexi protested as Joshua led him after his grandmother.

Marion went up a discrete staircase to the third floor. "I wanted to show Joshua my library."

Alexi tried not to sigh. He followed them upstairs to the large room where his grandmother kept her precious books. His family was full of academics; maybe that was why he was so attracted to Joshua. In the library, Joshua let go of his hand when he saw the wall-to-wall bookshelves.

"You have a serious library, Mrs. Taylor." Joshua complimented heading to check out the closest bookshelf. He touched the hard covers with reverence.

"I've been collecting books forever," Marion said. She walked to a desk in the corner and Alexi followed her. "Have you told him about the foundation?"

Alexi sunk into a leather armchair before the desk and watched Joshua pull out a book from the shelves.

"I haven't." Alexi said quietly turning to look at his grandmother.

Marion frowned. "Why? Aren't you concerned about seeing him when summer ends?"

"I'm not making any decisions right now." Alexi shrugged as Joshua closed the book and returned it to the shelf. "August is still far away."

Joshua came closer. "What is still far away?"

"My grandson's common sense," Marion said with a smile for Joshua. She indicated he sit down in the chair beside Alexi. "I help run a research foundation, Joshua."

"Nonna," Alexi started.

He stopped when she gave him a short hard look.

Marion handed Joshua leaflets and the foundation brochure. "Look through these, if you find anything interesting, give me a call."

Alexi glared at his grandmother and stood.

"We're leaving now," he said quietly. "I'll see you if you get to New York before I leave."

Marion sighed. "Come and give me a hug, Alexi. Wipe that scowl from your face, it's not pretty."

"It's not meant to be," Alexi grumbled and walked around the desk to hug Marion. She kissed his cheek and held him tight.

"I love you, kiddo. Take care of yourself."

Joshua stood to greet Marion when she let Alexi go. Marion ignored his hand and came around the desk to hug him.

"It was very nice to meet you, Joshua," Marion said. She patted Joshua's shoulders and stepped back. "I hope to see you again."

Joshua thanked her for the brochures and they left her in the library. Half an hour later, after a quiet goodbye to Phillip, Vic and John, they were on their way back to Manhattan.

****

Joshua finished reading through the brochures Marion gave him and stuck them inside his bag. He glanced up to find Alexi watching him. He hadn't missed Alexi's little rejection in Marion's library.

"Are we going to talk about these brochures?" Joshua asked when Alexi kept his silence. "You didn't want your grandmother giving them to me."

Alexi shrugged and shifted in his seat. Joshua hated the distance Alexi was keeping between them. Alexi sat pressed against the door.

"Alexi-,"

"I'm sure they'll be useful to you." Alexi's gaze slid away to the window. "Zantam Foundation is always looking for great researchers. With Nonna's backing, they'd fund any research you wanted."

Joshua narrowed his eyes.
"What is going on in your head right now? You haven't been yourself all day. Why are you so upset?"

"I'm not upset," Alex said. "I'm happy for you."

"If that's your happy face, I'm a bit worried," Joshua said crossing his arms against his chest.

When Alexi didn't rise to the comment, he decided to let him work through whatever was eating him up. He didn't have the energy for a heavy discussion right now anyway. The brochures Marion had given him had him thinking about the future. After Alexi left, he was going to need a project to occupy his time and his thoughts.

He sighed and leaned his head back. Closing his eyes, he drifted to sleep and hoped Alexi would be in a better mood when he woke up.

The car braked hard and jolted him awake. He rubbed his eyes and lifted his head to find Alexi's head on his lap. He blinked sleep away and dropped his hand on Alexi's shoulder to steady him.

He glanced out the windows and found they'd arrived at Alexi's building. The driver knocked on the window gently. Shaking Alexi awake, he glanced at his watch when Alexi sat up with a groan.

"We're here," he said while Alexi rubbed his eyes. Alexi yawned and stared at him. "Feeling better?"

Alexi nodded and leaned to press a kiss on his jaw. Joshua took that as a peace offering although at some point he knew they were going to need to talk about the future.

***

A week later on a sunny Tuesday morning, Alexi sat at the kitchen table in the penthouse staring at the schedule Lily had brought him. Peter, his agent, and the sponsors involved in the national tour had spent the last month getting him slotted in for eighty shows over four months.

"You're kidding me." Alexi stared at the schedule and felt fear swamp him. "Lily, some of these dates are back to back full venue performances. Have you guys forgotten I'm a human being who must eat, sleep and rest?"

"And you haven't had a full tour in almost nine months." Lily sat across him going through the contracts that had come with the schedule. She'd never made it to the Fourth of July party. When he'd asked, she'd blushed and said that she and Taka had decided to spend the day together. "Your fans are missing you."

"Don't sell the tickets before we approve this schedule." Alexi shook his head at the thought of refunding entire stadiums when he couldn't make it to a show. "Tell Peter we need to talk about this."

"What is there to talk about?" Lily demanded staring at him. "If you're worried about the stage fright, we need to get you to a psychiatrist before we go back to Japan. I'd love to avoid the headlines about you being treated in Tokyo."

"The last time we tried these back to back shows, I lost my ability to write music." Alexi put the schedule on the table and shook his head. "Reduce them or stagger the dates, I won't lose it again."

"Staggering them will extend the amount of time you're on the road. Is that what you want? Look at the schedule again, if you notice, I've made sure that you're off most Mondays and Tuesdays. You're mostly active on the weekends, and the times when you have to travel, I made sure you got a full day to rest before the concerts start."

"Eighty shows?" Alexi demanded again. "When do I get time to breathe?"

"Why do you always argue about the schedule?" Lily asked pushing away the documents before her. "Huh? Why can't you give me a break? Do you know what it took to get that arranged that way? Do you, Alexi? Each of your sponsors wants more time than they can have for what they are paying for. You have no idea what it takes to manage bureaucrats."

"Knock, knock." Joshua called from the kitchen entrance. Alexi glanced at him for a moment before he returned his attention back to the schedule. "Is this a bad time?"

"I don't think there is going to be a good time from now on, Randolph." Lily declared getting off her stool. She walked to the coffee maker and reached for a mug. "Alexi has started his habit of being impossible when it comes to tour planning. Welcome to the drama."

"What drama?" Alexi picked up the schedule and waved it at her. "You're a tyrant Lily Mikado."

"Each of those venues will be filled with people paying for a ticket. That money pays for me and all the other things you require in your life Alexi. Think about that."

"Oh, that's-," Alexi gaped, shaking his head at her. "What is that? How can you even tell me something like that?"

"Go through those dates before you start complaining."

Lily took her coffee and walked back to the kitchen table. She gathered her contracts and papers giving him a hard glare.

"I want an answer before the day ends, stop being difficult about this, Alexi. The number of shows won't change, so decide whether you're adding one or two weeks to the tour or keeping it the same. Josh, Taka left you some paper work. See me before you leave."

She left the kitchen in quick strides and Alexi dropped his head into his hands and let out a small groan.

"She reminds me of my high school principal." Joshua came around the table to pull him into a hug. "What is this, I leave for a few hours and I return to find you guys fighting."

"I hate tour planning." Alexi sighed and turned in his seat so that he could rest his head on Joshua's chest. "Did you see Alicia? How is she doing?"

"She's pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle."

"Oh wow, remind me to call and congratulate her." Alexi pulled back and returned his attention to the schedule on the table. He pushed it aside deciding to give it his full attention later when his mind wasn't full of the idea of facing millions of people.

"Are you needed at the studio today?" Joshua asked quietly.

"No, today I'm strangely free. The students in the summer program are preparing their projects for next week's graduation. The orchestra is practicing for next week when the Night Guardians director and I will be recording the final score. That leaves me here with you today."

"Want to do something fun?" Joshua asked picking a flower from the vase in the middle of the kitchen table. He brought the rose to his nose.

"Like what?"

"I think you need a good dose of scream therapy." Joshua decided putting the flower back in the vase.

"Scream what now?" Alexi demanded as Joshua took his hand and pulled him off the stool.

His brain froze as Joshua kissed him for a minute. When they broke apart, he found he didn't care what scream therapy was, as long as Joshua kissed him again soon, he'd go.

An hour later, Alexi clung to Joshua's upper arm and adamantly shook his head no.

"I'm not getting on that thing."

They were at Luna Park in Coney Island and Alexi was sure Joshua had lost his mind at some point when he woke this morning.

"It's exactly what you need, I promise you, you won't even think about it when you're on the ride."

"That thing looks like it could kill a person." Alexi shook his head feeling like an idiot. They'd been on the line to get on the ride for a while, and now that they were so close, he wanted nothing to do with it. "My brother took me bungee jumping once. I gave up when the attendant had finished strapping me in. I don't do roller coasters."

Joshua ignored his tirade with a small smile and helped him into the seat. The attendant buckled him in with Joshua's help. The young woman was smiling at him with a knowing smile. He scowled at her and tried not to hyperventilate. Joshua took his hand and gave it a small squeeze.

"You'll be just fine," Joshua promised.

"If I die, I'm coming back to haunt you, Joshua Randolph." Alexi promised as the ride started.

The slow steady ride to the top had him relaxing despite his fear. Joshua held his hand tight and he frowned just before they crested over the top. The scream came involuntarily. Here he was, trapped in a metal contraption, held back by a safety belt and bars, while they dropped straight down. The ride was fast, exhilarating; his heart was pounding with...excitement. He laughed as the ride finally ended.

"How do you feel?" Joshua asked when they finally got off. "Feel better?"

Alexi shook his head in disbelief. He had no idea why he'd been so afraid before, roller coasters were invigorating. "I've never screamed so hard in my life. It felt good. I want to go again."

Joshua took his hand and led him away to another ride.

"I told you it would be good for you."

They spent the day riding roller coasters. By the time they got something to eat, Alexi was sure he'd screamed more than he ever had in his life.

"We can't get on another ride," he said as he took a bite of his hot dog. "All this will come out."

"I think we should finish the day at the movies." Joshua declared as they strolled through the park. "We should watch a soppy romantic movie and make out in the back of the theater."

"Josh, keep this up and I'll think you're romancing me."

"I thought you'd already caught on." Joshua teased.

Alexi paused by a trashcan to dump his used napkins. "I'm game for anything that will keep me out of Lily's radar."

Joshua dumped his empty water bottle and pulled him into a short hug.

"I aim to please."

They got back home at midnight. Joshua pulled him into a steamy kiss in the living room, but before things got out of control, Alexi led the way to his bedroom.

****

"I can't avoid that schedule," Alexi whispered the next morning.

He lay on his back staring at the ceiling while he clutched a pillow to his chest.

Joshua turned on his side, propping his head up with his left arm as he studied Alexi.

"Are you worried about going on stage?"

"I'm worried about everything." Alexi confessed with a sigh. "It gets wild, Josh. I wish I could explain to you how crazy tours get. I've spent the whole summer ignoring my issues with stage fright."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Joshua asked gently. "What does the fear feel like?"

Alexi closed his eyes and for a moment, Joshua thought he might refuse to talk about it.

"It feels like a panic attack." Alexi started opening his eyes; he took the pillow and put it behind his head. "The first time it happened I was doing a show in Sapporo. Full theater, high profile guests, I was standing backstage staring at the piano in the spotlight and my feet couldn't move."

Joshua placed his hand over Alexi's chest hoping to comfort him. He waited while Alexi kept quiet.

"I couldn't breath, Josh. My heart was pounding and everyone backstage was panicking. It was a nightmare."

"What happened?"

"Lily turned the stage lights off and dropped the curtain. She gave me water and took me to the piano. I sat there for a full ten minutes trying to regain my balance. I have no idea how I played that night, but I managed." Alexi closed his eyes in mortification. "We changed how the performances started after that. I couldn't walk on to the stage, so instead, the lights would be off and the curtains down. All I had to do was start playing: three more times of that and the tour ended."

"Do you know why it started? Why you're afraid of walking out on to the stage?"

Alexi shook his head and turned on his side toward him.

"I read a review written by a Tokyo critic of the last three performances in that tour. She called my music mediocre, a sham, and a shadow of what a younger Alexander Kotaru had delivered. She said my talent was 'decaying with age'. What does that mean?"

"That lady has obviously never had a good vintage wine."

Alexi chuckled. "I told Lily I was never performing on stage again. Five months later, here we are, haggling over tour dates once again."

"How can I help?" Joshua ran his hand over Alexi's bare back, loving it when Alexi moved closer to him. "We can try more screaming therapy, or making a speech at the park."

Alexi chuckled. "As fun as screaming my head off yesterday was, I don't think my throat can take anymore. I don't know about public speeches. Wouldn't we get arrested?"

"Well, I can always take you to the theater department and we can sit in the middle of the stage for a few hours."

"You would do that for me?" Alexi asked tilting his head back to study him.

"I love you," Joshua replied.

Alexi wrapped his arms around him. "I love you too."

"What?" Joshua asked in surprise. He tried to pull back so that he could look at Alexi's face. "Would you repeat that?"

Alexi laughed and shook his head.

Joshua tickled Alexi's back and he rolled away trying to escape him. "I won't stop until you repeat what you just said."

Alexi smiled biting back a laugh when Joshua threatened him with seeking fingers. "I love you, Josh."

Joshua lay over Alexi and kissed him.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing you say that, Alexi."

****

Nineteen

After breakfast, Alexi left for the studio and Joshua sat in the living room reading the paper. He was busy doing the crossword puzzle when Lily walked into the penthouse rapping Japanese into her phone while she carried her briefcase with the other hand. She removed her shoes and padded into the living room on bare feet. Perching on an armchair, she finished her phone call with a sigh.

"Has Alexi left for the studio?" she asked.

"An hour ago," Joshua said studying her. She looked flustered. "Are you alright? You're up and about pretty early."

"It's almost eleven o'clock." Lily waved her Blackberry at him. "You two ran away yesterday. No matter, I'll catch up to Alexi soon enough."

Joshua nodded to his mug on the table. "You want coffee?"

Lily fanned her face with her hand. "It's hot out there. I'd love a tall glass of juice."

"I'll get it," Joshua said getting to his feet. "What documents did you have for me?"

Lily adjusted the collar of her silk gray blouse and stood.

He went into the kitchen and poured her a glass of pineapple juice adding cubes of ice. When he returned to the living room, she held out a leather folder. They exchanged and he wiped his right hand on his khaki shorts.

"When we did a background check, Alexi asked Taka to look into the situation with your ex-wife."

Lily sipped her juice and sat back in the armchair. When he glanced at her with a raised brow, she smiled kindly.

"I'm sure it's not easy getting used to us and how we do things but-," she stared into her juice. "Take it as a thank you, Joshua."

"A thank you," Joshua said confused. "What are you thanking me for?"

Lily chuckled.

"I wish you'd met Alexi last year. He was a mess, especially when he couldn't perform on stage. I couldn't even get him to leave the house. This summer, however, he has changed a lot. I have you to thank for that."

Joshua looked away from her.

"I'm not sure you should thank me. We might be together right now, but the summer is ending soon."

Lily gave him an unreadable glance and sipped her juice.

"We shall deal with that when it happens. For now, let's talk about you, Sherry and a sweet, sweet boy named Shane."

Joshua couldn't help the smile when she mentioned Shane.

"Taka reviewed the case before he left for Japan." Lily pointed to the documents on his lap. "If you're willing to fight for your son, Joshua, you have an appointment tomorrow with a family court lawyer who can help."

"What do you mean by that?"

Lily placed her glass on the coffee table and turned to study him.

"From what I understand, you married Sherry because of Shane. Thinking he was yours, you gave up yourself so that Shane could have a family."

Joshua narrowed his gaze not liking her tone. "I was there. What's your point?"

Lily's eyes narrowed slightly.

"So, you find out Shane is not really your son, and you just walk away?"

Hot anger boiled right through him.

"Do you think it was that easy? You have no idea what was going on."

"You asked Sherry for a divorce. She retaliated by getting a temporary order of protection. If you'd kept away, your lawyer might have been able to fight the order. Instead, you got drunk, went to the house and had a fight with Sherry. She used it against you in court and the judge was forced to make it a permanent order of protection."

Lily looked away when he sighed. She'd obviously read their case files. He hadn't meant to go back to the house, but not seeing Shane had driven him crazy.

"She was punishing me for telling her I was gay. She told the judge I wasn't stable and that I might put her and Shane in danger." Joshua shook his head in disappointment. "I had nothing left."

"Why didn't you try to fight for visitation rights?"

Joshua stared at the documents on his lap hating the past. Lily's short summary didn't come close to defining the hell that year had been. His family torn apart because of lies. He placed the documents on the table.

"The past is hard, isn't it?" Lily said after a moment. "I'm a child of divorce, Josh. My mother left my father when I was five years old. She took me with her when she left him and he never tried to contact me. He married another woman the next year and he now has two sons. I was angry with my father for a long time. When I was in school and there would be father's day, I'd be the only child in my class without a father seated beside me. I hated that my half brothers had my father's time and I didn't."

Lily shook her head and turned to look at him. "I hated him for not looking for me. Strange, now that I'm all grown up, he doesn't matter as much. I learned to survive without him."

"Are you telling me your story because you think I don't want to fight for Shane?"

"You seem a better father than mine was, Joshua. I don't think it's the fight you're afraid of," Lily said.

Joshua stood and paced to the windows. "I've never told anyone the whole story about why I can't see Shane."

"I figured that much." Lily picked up her juice again. "Want to fill me in?"

"Not particularly," Joshua turned around to lean on the window. "It wasn't my best moment and I don't like to think about my failure. Between Shane's illness, Sherry's anger and the horrid divorce saga, I'd say I hit rock bottom. My mom and sisters thought I was losing my mind when I came out. I was hardly ever sober those days."

"Your lawyer should have been able to fight on your behalf regardless-,"

Joshua chuckled bitterly cutting her off.

"Lily, lawyers like to be paid for their work. Sherry and I had joint accounts and they froze them when we decided to have a messy divorce. The moment she served the Order of Protection, I had no choice but to leave and start a new. I was strapped for cash, drunk all the time and on the verge of losing my sanity. Which lawyer do you know would have stuck around?"

Lily sighed. "Enough, I don't want to hear anymore."

Joshua frowned and she explained.

"I figure you woke one morning, realized you were stuck and the best way to deal was to put distance between you and the problem. The distance turned into time and its now five years later."

"You have such a way with words, Lily." Joshua dropped his head down in shame. "Guilt and anger kept me away. I was so angry with Sherry for lying to me. The funny thing is I might have been a father to Shane if she'd told me the truth. I hated my family for not accepting me at the time. And Shane..." he shook his head. Shane was his guilt. He should have been stronger. "How could I promise to take care of him when I couldn't even take care of myself?"

"You pulled yourself together and managed to make a new life. It got better, Joshua," Lily said quietly. "Let's forget the past and deal with the future. I'm adopting you, Joshua Randolph. We'll get you and Shane back together very soon."

Joshua laughed. Lily Mikado to the rescue, he was starting to understand why Alexi leaned on her so much. He strolled back to the couch and picked the documents on the coffee table.

"When you see Taka, thank him for me."

Lily reached out and patted his knee.

"I'm sure you'll get your chance. Now, about this order of protection..."

****

Alexi swiveled his chair from side to side, his attention focused on the music the orchestra was playing. Eyes closed, he went through the notes wincing when a section missed the tempo. They were close to perfection, but clearly, they still needed a few more practice sessions. He opened his eyes and stared at the music sheets before him.

"What do you think?" George asked standing beside him. She'd come down from her studio to listen to the orchestra play the score.

"I'm anticipating nights filled with frustration if the violin section doesn't shape up." Alexi marked the problem areas in his notes. The conductor stopped the music in the studio. "What time is it?"

"It's almost two o'clock," George said glancing at her watch casually.

"Two!" Alexi got to his feet gathering music sheets. "I knew these schedules were going to overlap this week." He handed the sheets he'd marked to George. "Give those to the conductor. I have to run."

With a quick wave, Alexi rushed out of the studio building hoping to catch a cab. His session at the university was starting in ten minutes. Running out of the building, he clutched his notes and cell phone against his chest with one hand and hailed a cab with the other. Luck was on his side as he saw one start toward him.

"Alexi."

He froze turning to find Adrian standing a few feet away. His heart squeezed painfully when he saw Adrian's haggard face. The cab honked and he fumbled with the handle on the passenger side. He was grateful when the cab driver reached back and pushed the door open.

"Alexi, I wanted to talk to you-," Adrian was saying.

Getting into the cab, Alexi slammed the door closed and tried to breathe. Adrian was the last person he wanted to see right now.

"Where to?" the cab driver asked. "Mister-, your friend looks like he wants to share the cab-

"Please go, drive now!" Alexi ordered his voice shaking.

He was grateful the cab driver didn't wait. Alexi turned in his seat to find Adrian still standing outside the studio.

His session that afternoon turned into a mess, he could barely concentrate on the activities the students were doing. When they asked questions, he fumbled the answers. When one of them corrected him, he decided it was time to quit. Giving them a short assignment, he left the room and went to hide in his office. Locking the door, he gave in to the panic, leaning on the wall with a tired sigh.

His arms tightly wound around his waist, he allowed the pain in his heart for a moment. He'd spent most of the summer trying to ignore what Adrian had done to him.

Seeing him again-, he sighed.

He was in love with Joshua, but Adrian had taken a hammer to his heart. A rush of anger hit him as he remembered the woman he'd met at the precinct that day. How could Adrian even dare to show up before him?

A soft knock on the door interrupted his tumultuous thoughts.

Clearing his throat he asked, "Who is it?"

"It's Jenna, sir. I want to ask a question about the project evaluation on Friday."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Wiping his face, he took in deep breaths and hoped he didn't look as pathetic as he felt. He somehow had to get through the next hour. Getting his phone, he sent a message to Joshua asking him to pick him up. In case, Adrian was really turning into a stalker and they met again. With that done, he opened the door five minutes later and tried a smile for the young lady.

Jenna was a second year music student with a talent for composition. She was shy and unsure; he was hoping to give her enough confidence to produce her own material. He spent the rest of his time talking her through her final project.

He strolled through the music department hallways slowly giving Joshua a chance to arrive. He was walking by a performance auditorium when the frustrated sound of a violin caught his attention. One of the double doors was slightly ajar. Slipping into the room, he allowed his eyes the chance to adjust to the dim light. A lonely violinist stood on stage playing Vivaldi's Winter the Four Seasons.

The young man started smooth, moving into the second rapid movement with elegance, but he was unable to keep up with the rapid sequence. The music lost its pace and off key notes filled the theater. Alexi smiled when a trail of curses followed.

He walked down the steps without a second thought, moving closer to the stage. Four attempts later, he admired the young man's tenacity and worried for the safety of the violin.

"You're impatient," he said interrupting the young man's cursing tirade.

"What?" the violinist demanded with an irritated frown.

"I said you're getting impatient." Alexi dumped his folders into a chair and went up the steps on the stage.

"Who are you? This is a private session, I still have-," he glanced at his watch, "ten minutes."

"You can have your time," Alexi said with a smile. "I'm just someone who's afraid you're going to murder the violin at this rate. You're getting over excited once you get the first sequence right. So much so, you're fumbling the next set."

"I don't understand."

"Play the first part of the score. Don't think of the next sequence, just the first part."

The violinist looked at him judging his advice. He wondered what the younger man saw. Alexi gave him a small smile and he must have passed the test because the violin went up to the shoulder.

"Patience," Alexi repeated.

He pulled out a pen and used it to count time for his eager violinist. They moved through the first sequence without a problem. Alexi made him repeat it again. The third time, he took a step back and allowed the young man to play without assisted tempo; the result was a perfect first sequence.

"Now, paying attention to the notes and not the excitement you feel when you get it right, play the entire piece."

Skeptical eyes met his and he offered up a smile. Raising his pen again, he counted time and the young man started, deliberating forcing patience. It took a few tries but the third attempt was a success. The young violinist actually played through the music sheets without a single mistake. His pace was off, but practice would fix that, Alexi thought with satisfaction.

"Oh my God," the young man exclaimed. "I've been trying to do that for a week now. My violin teacher was starting to loose hope. Thank you."

Alexi chuckled. "All you have to do is watch your level of patience. If you get overexcited, your fingers play the wrong notes, unable to keep up."

"Do you play?"

Alexi turned and stopped. He stared at the darkened theater his heartbeat speeding. He blinked and tried to keep calm.

"Yes and no," he said with a strained tone.

How had he come up here again?

"Uhm...,"

"Are you alright?" the young man asked. "You don't look too good."

"I'm fine," Alexi said.

He took in a deep breath keeping his gaze down on the stage floor. His feet felt frozen as he tried to force them toward the steps that had brought him up here in the first place.

"Alexi." Joshua's voice, he sighed in relief and glanced up to find Joshua coming up the stage.

"Hey man," the young violinist said. "Something is wrong, he's really pale. He was fine a few minutes ago."

"Thanks, go ahead, I've got him," Joshua said taking Alexi's hand.

"Alright, thanks, Mister. I've gotta run I have to get to my job."

Alexi mimed a smile for the young man as he hurried off the stage. Once he was gone, Alexi slumped against Joshua and clung to his shoulders.

"I can't move," he whispered in panic. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Joshua wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm right here. Talk to me, Alexi. How did you get up here?"

Alexi sighed.

"That kid was murdering Vivaldi. I came in to see what was going on and interfered after his fourth attempt. That's how I got on stage."

"Why didn't you panic then?" Joshua asked.

"The music," Alexi replied with a small chuckle. "I was focused on the music."

"Why are you afraid right now?"

Alexi closed his eyes. He had no idea.

"Can you help me off the stage?"

"No," Joshua refused.

"Please, Josh, help me get off the stage."

Joshua hugged him tighter.

"We're going to stay here until we figure out what is causing the panic. We should at least try, Alexi."

Alexi trembled and clung to Joshua's waist when he started to step back. He hated this feeling. This helplessness inside him, forcing him to hate playing his music, he couldn't help wishing for the days he'd just walked on to the stage with a smile.

Joshua stepped back forcing him to drop his hands from Joshua's waist. Joshua took his hands in his.

"Open your eyes, Alexi. Look at me."

He lifted his eyes to meet Joshua's, but the dark theater behind Joshua attracted his attention. The dark deep abyss yawned endlessly ready to eat him alive. His grip on Joshua's hands tightened. He fought the fear for as long as he could and then he started shaking.

He begged, "Please help me off the stage, Josh."

Joshua sighed and stepped closer to wrap him in a comforting hug. He put his arm around Alexi's shoulder and led him toward the short steps. Once they were off the stage, Alexi sunk into a seat and Joshua knelt in front of him.

"Are you sure we shouldn't visit a psychiatrist? What if there's something wrong with you?"

Alexi closed his eyes when Joshua ran gentle fingers through his hair. "I can fight it. I got up there without help, didn't I?"

Joshua leaned over and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

"I don't like it, Alexi."

Alexi managed a chuckle. "I'm sure watching me turn into a simpering child is not pretty."

"Stop joking around." Joshua shook him slightly. "Come on, I think I'll be happier when you're actually breathing fresh air."

Alexi dropped his head on Joshua's shoulder.

"What a strange day. Adrian was waiting for me outside the studio this afternoon."

Joshua froze.

"Did you talk to him?"

Alexi shook his head.

"I ran away like a coward. I haven't managed to face him since the day Lily and Taka had him arrested."

Joshua cursed under his breath and stood.

"Let's get you home."

"Let's go to the park for a while," Alexi said allowing Joshua to pull him up.

Joshua took Alexi's folders from the chair on the second row and led the way to the exit.

"What do you think Adrian wants?" Joshua asked when they were finally out in the cool evening.

They crossed the street on the south side of Washington Square Park headed toward the fountain.

"I don't care." Alexi grimaced at the bitterness in his tone. "I can't stand the thought of him trying to apologize to me."

"Alexi." Joshua touched his shoulder. "I heard Lily say that you refused to sign a restraining order. Maybe you should think about it seriously. If he's waiting for you at the studio, what about when you go running in the morning? He knows your address, if he were to wait for you-" Joshua shuddered.

"I don't think he'd get that extreme." Alexi shrugged. "Why should I change my way of life because of him? He's not going to-,"

Joshua grabbed his right arm making him stop. "I'm not kidding. What if he tries to hurt you?"

"Do you remember what I told you that day at the park when you tackled me?"

"You told me to get off you."

"The other thing," Alexi said

Joshua stared at him clueless, Alexi sighed. "Let's just say you're not the first person to worry about bullies picking on me."

"You mean the kungfu threat?" Joshua asked with a wide grin.

Alexi scowled in annoyance. He took his folders from Joshua and dumped them on the grass. Taking three steps away from Joshua, he grinned and motioned him to move closer. Joshua bit back a smile and started toward him. Alexi grabbed his left arm, turned and flipped Joshua over his back to the ground. Joshua landed on his ass on the grass. Alexi dusted off his hands and stood over Joshua.

"Are you alright? It wasn't too hard, was it?"

Joshua groaned and lifted his head off the grass with a grimace.

"How the hell did you just do that?"

Alexi chuckled and held out a hand.

"Judo classes with a hellish man I called the enforcer until I left for Julliard." He pulled Joshua to his feet and bent to pick his folders. "I can hold my own on a fight."

"You just threw me to the ground." Joshua complained staring at him in surprise. "I'm not too sure what I should feel about that. You'll have to show me how to do it."

Alexi laughed and leaned up to kiss him. "I'll make it up to you later."

"You'd think the martial arts would take away the panic disorder." Joshua teased him.

"Hey, I don't throw that many people to the ground."

"Alexi," Joshua said softly.

"I'll be fine, Josh." Alexi promised. "Don't worry."

People filled the park as expected on a balmy July evening. Alexi tangled his fingers with Joshua's and slowed him down not ready to get home just yet.

"If you were to make a wish right now, what would it be?"

Joshua squeezed his fingers. "There are so many things I'd wish for."

"What is the biggest wish you have off the top of your head?" Alexi urged as they walked along a path that would lead them to the fountain.

"I'd wish this summer doesn't end."

Alexi nodded at the soft declaration.

"Me too," he said quietly.

They walked along in silence. Alexi pushed all his worries aside. He had no idea what fate had in store for them in the future. Instead, he decided he was going to enjoy these moments greedily.

If this were a painting, he'd name it Life in Color because his soul felt so alive in Joshua's presence. So alive, he was afraid the moment he left New York his soul was going to wither away and die.

However terrifying that notion was, he'd never give this love up. He'd rather have a withered heart later than never have walked through this park with Joshua and hear him gasp in elation when they found the fountain lighted with color. The lights made rainbows in the water.

"The lights are on," Joshua declared with a laugh.

Alexi smiled watching Joshua take in the spraying water. He'd rather a withered heart, he decided, than never have met Joshua and loved him.

****

"We're flying in on the fifth of August. We'll stay for a week and leave with Alexi," Allegra said.

"I understand," Lily replied carefully marking her diary. "Your hotel reservations are ready. I'll coordinate with your assistant so that your schedule works with Alexi's."

"Is he doing alright?" Allegra asked.

"He's fine. He's about to finish with the studio next week. After that, we'll start getting ready for the tour."

"Good. I like it best when he's in Japan. I'll call in case of any changes."

Allegra hung up soon after and Lily stared at her diary with a sigh, three weeks until that visit. The last week before Josh and Alexi parted. Nibbling on her pen, she wondered how that was going to work. Summer love was hard to let go.

The elevator doors opened and Alexi and Joshua walked in. She closed her diary.

"There are the love birds. I ordered dinner," she said dumping her diary into her bag. "I figured we should try some barbecued ribs."

"Yes, I'm starving." Alexi dumped his folders on the coffee table and sunk into an armchair with a groan. "I didn't get a chance to eat anything at the studio."

"How was practice?" Lily asked watching Joshua when he moved to sit beside her.

"They're close. Still missing that perfected quality." Alexi smiled at her. "We'll have to see what happens when it comes down to the recording session. We might have a trying all-nighter."

"Adrian was waiting for him outside the studio." Joshua prompted.

"Josh." Alexi protested giving Joshua an annoyed glance.

Lily sighed. "I knew he was going to appear sooner or later. What did he want?"

"To talk," Alexi replied with a scowl. "I got in the cab and left."

Lily studied Alexi for a moment, noting the stubborn jaw and his hard brown eyes. She didn't feel up to an argument. "Call me the next time he shows up. Don't hesitate, Alexi."

"Is that all you're going to do?" Joshua asked with a frown.

"It's all we can do for now." Lily stood. "Come on, I'll feed you guys. Taka stocked us with a few wine bottles before he left."

Alexi held out a hand to Joshua and Lily smiled when Joshua took it. They were both so handsome together.

"When is Taka coming back to town?" Joshua asked as they headed to the kitchen.

"He's coming to New York with Alexi's parents on August 5th."

"That will be fun," Alexi said with a groan. "These days are moving way too fast."

Joshua wrapped an arm around Alexi's shoulder and kissed him. "We must be having fun."

Lily didn't miss the sadness in Alexi's eyes as she turned to open the oven.

One day at a time, she decided.

****

Alexi laughed through dinner because Joshua kept distracting him with lame jokes. He offered to help Lily clean up. When they finished, Lily got a call from a friend and disappeared in her room.

Alexi found Joshua in the shower in the master bedroom. He stood listening to the water run. Lily's news was making it impossible to ignore the future. He and Joshua needed to talk. He closed his eyes. His heart squeezed painfully. Not talking was easier, ignoring the future made it distant, unreal.

Foolish thoughts, but what was he supposed to do?

He pulled his t-shirt over his head, and dropped it on to the tiles. Undoing his belt, he dropped his trousers and briefs. Slipping into the shower stall, he smiled when he found Joshua's arms braced against the tiles. Hot water pounded his back as though he was washing off frustration.

He ran his hands over Joshua's back, massaging the tense muscles. "What are you thinking about under the hot water?"

Joshua groaned in appreciation when he dug his fingers gently into his shoulder muscles.

"That feels real good."

"Stressed?"

Joshua turned and slipped an arm around him.

"Not anymore," Joshua murmured.

Alexi stared into electric blue eyes.

He sunk his fingers into Joshua's wet hair, "I love you, Josh."

Joshua pulled him closer into his arms and leaned to kiss his shoulder.

"I love you too."

Alexi wrapped his arms around Joshua. Joshua sunk fingers into his hair. He lowered his head until his lips covered Alexi's soft ones. A deep moan of pleasure escaped and Alexi clung to Joshua, his hands sliding down sleek muscles to cup Joshua's ass.

Joshua's fingers slowly dug through his hair. His tongue stroking Alexi's lips and when he opened them, it sank deep into his mouth, filling and stroking, reminding him all the reasons why he loved being with Joshua.

Alexi moaned again, when Joshua turned him away from the water, pressing him against the shower tiles. He lost himself in Joshua's kiss and the mind numbing pleasure when Joshua stroked him to ecstasy. He loved taking showers with Joshua. Arching in ecstasy, Alexi decided he'd much rather make love than talk about a future without Joshua driving him insane with bliss.

****

Twenty

Joshua lay staring at the ceiling listening to Alexi's soft breathing. Turning on his side, he propped his head on his arm and watched Alexi sleep. It was five o'clock in the morning, as per the blinking clock on the bedside table. Alexi shifted, hugging a pillow, and giving a soft sigh.

His heart squeezed tightly and he leaned to press a soft kiss on Alexi's jaw. Pulling the covers higher over Alexi's shoulders, he stroked Alexi's jaw before he got out of bed, careful not to wake him.

Grabbing a pair of sweat pants, he pulled them on, and stopped when Alexi turned on the bed. He smiled when Alexi reached for his pillow and pulled it into a fierce hug. Picking up a t-shirt he'd dropped on a chair, he pulled it on, leaned to kiss Alexi's head and sauntered out of the bedroom.

The apartment was quiet. In the kitchen, he went straight to the coffee maker and started a fresh brew.

"Can't sleep?" Lily asked behind him and he turned quickly surprised he hadn't heard her approach.

"Lily," he said in greeting watching her walk in wearing pink fluffy sandals and a long silk nightgown.

Her hair was standing on edge, definitely the first time he'd seen her look disheveled. She yawned dramatically and sat on one of the island table stools.

"I'll love you forever if you pour me coffee too."

She leaned her elbows on the surface and placed her phone on the table.

"Do you ever put the phone down?" he asked.

"It's down," she said. "It just doesn't stop ringing at odd times of the day, or night for that matter."

"Talking to Taka?" he asked hiding a smile when she glared at him.

"No," she said rubbing her eyes. "Work, time difference kills me sometimes. Someone needed a few questions answered."

Joshua nodded and turned to get mugs from the cupboard above.

"Planning Alexi's tour?"

"Yes."

"What happens when he can't get on stage?"

When Lily didn't answer, he turned to look at her. She'd been sleepy and relaxed a moment ago. Her dark eyes were alert and watching him keenly now.

"Why would you say that?" she asked carefully.

He shrugged.

"I'm just concerned."

Lily narrowed her gaze on him.

"Something happened at the university yesterday. Other than Adrian showing up of course, tell me what it is."

The coffee maker finished and he poured the fragrant liquid into two mugs. Returning the pot, he carried the mugs to the table and passed one to Lily.

Joshua sipped his coffee.

"How do you balance being his manager and his friend? It can't be easy pushing him to do certain things."

"By being good at my manager job," Lily replied. "Like this tour, I fought it when Alexi's agent brought it up last year. I don't know if Alexi's told you about his break-,"

"He did, a little bit." Joshua looked at her. "I know about the negative reviews, how much he's afraid to get on stage. His panic attacks during the last concert tour."

"I'm sure you're familiar with the once you 'fall off a horse, get back on it' adage. I have to get him back on stage, Josh."

"What if he can't?" Joshua asked again, remembering Alexi frozen on stage unable to get off. He couldn't imagine that happening before an audience.

"It's my job to find a solution." Lily leaned closer touching his hand. "If something happened yesterday, Joshua, you have to tell me."

Joshua sighed. "Alexi was helping a student on stage, when he finished, he froze in panic. I found him trembling, unable to get off the darned stage."

Lily cursed under her breath and picked up her phone.

"I should have known it wouldn't just go away."

"What are you doing?" Joshua asked.

"I'm getting professional help."

"He doesn't want to talk to a doctor."

"I don't see another choice at the moment. I brought him here to heal. He's started writing music again, thank goodness, but if he still can't get on stage-,"

"Maybe he just needs practice."

Lily frowned at him.

"Is that what you saw yesterday? Do you think the way you saw him yesterday is going to be fixed by practice?"

Joshua stared at her. He didn't know what to say. Alexi's pale face filled his thoughts and he sighed. He didn't have the skill to help here. He could only support Alexi and watching him fall apart had felt-, he'd felt helpless.

Lily patted his hand gently.

"Trust me," she said quietly. "I'd never do anything to hurt him. We have three weeks, Josh. Alexi needs to talk to someone who isn't so close to this situation."

"You know best," he said quietly.

As long as Alexi got better, he decided.

Lily sipped her coffee.

"Are you nervous about meeting your lawyer today?"

There was the other reason why he couldn't sleep. Between Alexi and Shane, he was going to get gray hairs soon.

"He's very good at what he does." Lily promised him for the millionth time.

Joshua smiled.

"It's funny, every time you say that I get more nervous."

"Why?"

"Hard to tell," Joshua shrugged. "It's been such a long time since I felt this way. I used to dread waking up during the divorce. A mixture of guilt and fear that I was losing everything I loved in the world."

He'd hated the guilt that had plagued him. Often thinking that if he hadn't come out, he and Sherry would still be living in the same house. With Shane down the hall, happy with two parents who loved him. There were nights he thought about the life that he would have lived if he hadn't left Sherry.

It wouldn't have been a happy life. That much he knew. Down the road, he'd have gotten tired, hiding so much of himself.

"What are you guilty and afraid of right now?" Lily asked gently.

Joshua glanced at her.

"Not guilty," he shook his head. "I promised myself never to feel guilty for being who I am five years ago. As for afraid," he gave Lily a small smile, "it's the first time I've ever had so much to lose."

He'd expected the divorce. At one point, he'd have made his stand; he and Sherry would have ended up apart. He'd gained himself with the divorce.

But when it came to Alexi-, he hugged his coffee, -having Alexi leave was going to crush him to bits.

Lily picked an apple from the basket on the table and took a bite.

"I think having fear is healthy, Joshua. It means you are living."

He sipped his coffee, his eyes bright with humor.

"I'd love to meet your mom, Lily. Does she know you're a tyrant?"

Lily laughed at the use of Alexi's description of her when she was pushing too hard.

"She taught me," Lily replied. "Come visit Japan, and I'll make sure you two meet."

***

"I've filed the necessary petitions," Malcolm Deveraux said gently. "We're going to ask for mediation. A gentle approach seems the best way to go for the sake of Shane."

"What if Sherry doesn't agree?"

"You two were married when Shane was born. That makes you his father, regardless of the fact that his real father is now married to Sherry. Your name was on the original birth certificate." Malcolm closed the file he was reading and glanced at him. "Your previous lawyer could have easily worked to lift the order of protection. But he was incompetent."

"I had a lot-,"

"I'm making an observation," Malcolm said with a small smile. "I know that period of time would have been a difficult time. With patience, we'll fix it. Tell me, have you seen Shane since that day at your mother's house?"

"No," Joshua sighed. "I'd like to, but Sherry and I, we don't get along."

"I understand." Malcolm pulled open a drawer and produced a brown diary. He held it out to Joshua.

"What is this?" he asked surprised to see it was brand new.

"Write out your daily activities, Professor." Malcolm sat back in his chair. "You're obviously a different man than the one they saw in court five years ago. We need proof to show that. A diary of your daily life will help along and of course character statements from colleagues and friends. You will be glad to know Lily wrote hers the moment she hired me."

Joshua smiled at the simple gesture. Flipping through the empty diary, he glanced at Malcolm.

"And you're sure this will work?"

"I will be as committed as you are," Malcolm replied. "It will be a long process, mediation takes time and patience. From what I've read about Sherry, she might initially be resistant to the idea. But, I'm good at my job, Joshua. I'll make sure you will be seeing Shane."

Joshua nodded. "That is good news. I'm happy."

"Good. That's all I wanted to talk over. Here's my card," Malcolm held out a white card to him. "I'm sure Lily gave you one, having two around is not bad. If you have any questions or need me for anything, call me."

"About billing," Joshua said taking the card.

Malcolm put his hand up to stop him.

"This was asked of me as a favor for Alexander Kotaru. He's sent a lot of business my way in the past years and I'm looking forward to more in the future. I don't expect anything from you Joshua."

"But-," Joshua frowned. "I pay my dues."

"And you will," Malcolm said with a warm smile. "In time and patience -practice patience especially- but not in money. I have a prior engagement in the next few minutes. I'll call to tell you the dates we appear in court. I hope you have a wonderful day."

Joshua stood at the same time as Malcolm. Shaking his hand, Joshua thanked him again and left the office in an excited daze. As he rode the elevator down, he wondered what Alexi had done for Malcolm to warrant such a favor.

***

Joshua met his sister, Alicia, for lunch at Maison at two o'clock. He ran a few minutes late and found her seated at one of the outdoor tables, ordering lunch. There were shopping bags under the table; she looked vibrant and happy as he leaned down to press a kiss on her cheek.

"Sorry, I'm late," he said as he sat down. "I was caught up in a meeting."

"Meeting with whom?" Alicia raised her eyebrow placing her menu aside. "It's summer, Josh. You don't have meetings."

He chuckled taking the menu the waiter handed him. "I do sometimes, how is Patrick?"

"The hospital has swallowed him up again." Alicia shrugged. "He's had double shifts this whole week, I hardly ever see him, and we live in the same house."

"Married life," Joshua teased her.

"Keep joking like that, you're just like me. Alexi is not exactly running a relationship friendly career."

Joshua picked up the glass of water at his elbow. He sipped it casually hoping to wash away his own fears. He cleared his throat and shrugged.

"I'm sure we'll work it out somehow."

Alicia watched him for a moment before she changed the subject.

"What had you excited this morning when you called?"

Joshua grinned eager to tell her the good news from Malcolm. He had to wait though because their waiter arrived then to take their order. He ordered a grilled sirloin steak, that came with French fries and a very cold beer and Alicia got a grilled chicken sandwich.

When the waiter left to get their food, Alicia leaned on the table and waited expectantly.

"I met with a lawyer this morning. His name is Malcolm Deveraux. He says he can help me see Shane again."

"He can help you get visitation rights?" Alicia asked in surprise. "That's good news. Tell me how."

Joshua smiled. He'd liked Malcolm Deveraux on sight. Impeccable in a navy blue suit, his blond hair slicked back, Malcolm was distinguished, a bit too polished but his personality was friendly.

"He started the paperwork the moment he got my case files," Joshua said a bit overwhelmed by the possibilities. He wanted the freedom to see Shane as he pleased.

"I still can't believe its happening."

Alicia sat back in her seat.

"Why now?" she asked quietly after a few minutes. "You've been perfectly capable of fighting for this alone. Why now, Josh?"

"I never felt worthy of Shane after the divorce. So many hard things happened that time. I was so bitter," Joshua bit his lip. "Seeing Shane again at mom's house made me want the chance to see him again."

Alicia sighed.

"I'm not proud of how we reacted when you came out to the family. For my part, I couldn't imagine you and Sherry not being the perfect couple that you seemed to be. One minute, you two were happily married, the next-," she broke off looking around the room guiltily, "you're gay, getting a divorce and Shane is not your son. I thought you were losing your mind."

Joshua swallowed hard. Old pain creeping up on him, he fought it back ruthlessly.

"It's water under the bridge," he said with a shrug. "I made peace with that time, Alicia. You should too."

"I wish you'd get angry and yell or something. You never did you know. When you told us what was going on, you let us rant, say our piece and then you walked out." Alicia's eyes shone with emotion. "We hurt you-, I hurt you. I should have supported you, Joshua."

"You're supporting me now," Joshua pointed out. "Helping me with Shane...," he thought about Alexi, who was currently working down the street, "accepting me with Alexi too. That means more to me than holding old grudges. I'm to blame as well; I probably should have handled that situation better."

She reached over the table and took his hand in hers.

"I love you big bro."

He squeezed her hand and laughed.

"That's all I need to hear. Besides, I might call on you for character references. I expect glowing accounts of how awesome I am."

Alicia laughed, the guilty look on her face disappearing.

"How's Alexi taking the news?" Alicia asked when their waiter came. "He must be excited for you."

"I haven't told him yet."

Their food was mouthwatering, but then again, he hadn't eaten much this morning. He'd been too nervous about meeting Mr. Deveraux and the news the man would have for him. Lily and Alexi had headed straight to the studio after a call from the producer leaving him to face his demons alone.

"Alexi is at the studio today."

Alicia picked up her knife and fork and cut her sandwich into quarters. Taking the toothpick that had come with the sandwich; she took a bite of one of the quarters.

"Mmm...good, I was starving. I went shopping for the kitchen. Settling in to the new house is taking forever."

She watched him cut his steak then asked using her toothpick to point at him.

"I'm flattered that you chose to call me first, but shouldn't you be calling Alexi as well?"

"I'm pretty sure he's lost in the film score right now. He gets that way when he's involved in his music. Lost to the world, nothing else matters." Joshua chuckled. "This morning he was stressing about the violin section not keeping tempo, and the studio is anxious about the deadline. Not to mention an upcoming tour that is scarier than I can tell you. Do you know Alexi has to make eighty appearances in the space of three months?"

"That sounds exhausting." Alicia answered watching him with a peculiar expression on her face.

"I think it's insane. He and Lily keep arguing about the concert dates. He can be so lively, and at times so fragile I'm afraid to let him out the house. I haven't touched any research this summer, odd for a person who's trying to publish as much as possible to get tenure. I can't imagine what fall is going to be like. What's wrong?" he asked when Alicia stopped eating.

"I'm mesmerized," Alicia said dramatically. She sat back in her seat and smiled. "You're in love with him."

"Is that shocking?" Joshua asked, blushing mildly.

"Nope," she put her toothpick down. "Alexi is a great guy. You are perfect together."

"But," he said for her with a frown.

"No buts, I really do mean that." Alicia picked up her orange juice and sipped. "Besides, he's the first one to charm Mom so much she keeps talking about him. She keeps saying she'd like to see him again."

"I don't know if that will be possible."

Joshua stared at his steak his appetite vanishing. No matter how many times he tried to escape the future, it still managed to creep into conversation, or his thoughts, and even Alexi's thoughts. He'd seen the sad looks Alexi wore when he thought Joshua wasn't looking. It was easy to guess what Alexi was thinking considering they had three weeks remaining, Three weeks.

"Alicia," he said quietly dropping his fork and knife. "What do I do? He's leaving and I can't stop him."

"Josh, just love him the best you can. Leave the rest to fate." Alicia matched his tone, her gaze steady.

"What if fate is an angry old woman who doesn't like me?" Joshua stared at his steak. "She hasn't been very kind with me in the past."

Alicia bit back a laugh making him glance at her.

"What?"

"An old woman," Alicia asked with a raised brow.

She started laughing and he couldn't help but join her.

"You have the weirdest expressions, Josh. I'm sure the old woman named fate will be kind with your heart this time."

Joshua picked up his fork and sighed. "I hope you're right."

His cell phone beeped and he reached for it as Alicia took a bite of her sandwich. The message was from Lily. Alexi and the orchestra were doing the final recording.

"What's wrong?" Alicia asked.

"Want to come see Alexi with me?" Joshua asked her.

She stared at her food wistfully. He smiled and motioned a waiter over. They had Alicia's food in a doggy bag in minutes and were walking down the block to Silver studios.

He hadn't been back to the studio since Alexi had finished writing the score. Taking the elevator to the second floor, he led Alicia to the studio, his blood singing with excitement. Opening the door to the recording room expecting to see Andy, he stopped in surprise when he found the room empty.

"Are we in the right place?" Alicia asked beside him with a small frown.

Joshua reached for his phone ready to call Lily.

"We've changed studios to accommodate the orchestra," Lily said appearing behind Alicia.

She looked beautiful in a short white sleeveless dress and muted green high heels. He liked her short haircut; it made her look like a tough pixie. She smiled at Alicia and Joshua realized that he'd never introduced them.

"Lily," he said taking her hand when she moved into the hallway. "This is my sister, Alicia."

"I have heard so much about you," Lily said to Alicia, her smile never wavering.

Alicia took her offered hand with a matching smile. "I hope it's all good."

"Only praises, I promise," Lily assured her. "They're about ready to start, Josh. We should probably hurry."

Lily led the way back to the elevator. She sent it down to the second sub level.

"When we got here, Alexi and the director had a long talk." Lily glanced at Joshua briefly. "Alexi has been working the orchestra all morning."

The studio Lily took them was the size of a cathedral hall. Floor length glass divided the recording room from the main studio. There were technicians seated before the various control boards in the room, he recognized Andy who waved to him.

Alicia clutched his arm tightly and he turned to look at her.

"Nelson Brown," she said with excitement nodding to an older man standing by the glass watching the action in the studio. "You didn't tell me! I watch all his movies."

Lily led them to a set of chairs that gave them a great view of the main studio. She patted his shoulder and went to talk to Nelson.

"Oh my, this is quite the production," Alicia said staring at the orchestra.

The studio philharmonic orchestra was huge. Dozens of musicians seated in sections on a lighted platform set right in the middle of the recording room. Violins, cello, violas and huge drums at the back, there were other instrumentalists mixed in. Standing before them was a conductor and to his left, George held her violin reading the music sheets on her stand.

Then there was Alexi.

He caught his breathe.

Alexi looked handsome in black, his hair a wild mess from running fingers through it. His trim figure behind a grand piano, where he sat on the bench reading notes as he listened to the conductor instruct the orchestra.

"We've ran through this a dozen times today," the conductor's voice filled the recording room. "This time is no different. I think we should go ahead and take the plunge."

Nelson moved to Andy's station and pressed a button. "Alexi, what do you think?"

Alexi lifted his hand and nodded giving the all clear.

Andy started counting down.

"Recording starts in ten seconds. Ten, nine, eight...,"

Silence filled the room, Alexi and the orchestra sat up ready to perform.

Alicia gave a soft gasp, her fingers digging into his knee as though she was freaking out. He smiled at the reaction. It didn't make sense that his heart was pounding in nervous excitement too. This was no longer Alexi writing and making mistakes. This was the real deal. What these people were doing here was going to end up attached to a movie forever. What a moment, he thought as the count down ended and the music started.

He'd asked Alexi once why he didn't write his music using computer programs. Alexi had laughed and told him he liked the old way. Putting notes to paper was authentic and having people play what he'd written made it real and emotional. Watching him now, the orchestra backing the stunning music Alexi had written, he dared say he understood Alexi's emotions.

The amazing dance between George's violin and Alexi's piano filled the studio accompanied by full-bodied notes from the orchestra. Their music reminding him of an epic battle for the souls of man in an open field, it was a soundtrack to his and Alexi's own romance.

The unexpected summer, he thought.

No matter how he looked at it, he was going to miss Alexi like breathing.

***

Lily watched Joshua and Alicia discretely. Her thoughts were on Malcolm who had called her after his meeting with Joshua, the lawyer had wanted to tell her to consider the case resolved. Malcolm had liked Joshua and considered him a victim of an ugly divorce.

Good news for Joshua, she looked at Alexi who was playing like there was no tomorrow. She wasn't sure this was good news for Alexi at all. Joshua's priorities were with his family. A close-knit family, she thought staring at the sister. Alexi on the other hand, she sighed.

"Is that Alexi's boyfriend?" Nelson Brown asked quietly.

She turned took at him in surprise and he grinned.

"Word travels, kiddo. You can't put a lid on everything. So, is he?"

Lily smiled in answer.

"That's going to be a tough one to forget." Nelson returned his gaze to Alexi. "I've met a lot of composers. He's one of a kind, the music matters more to him. That's the reason I chose him to write the score. He understands what I was looking for in this movie."

"Which is?" Lily asked with a raised brow.

As far as she was concerned, she and Peter had urged Alexi to take the job in order to get him out of Japan.

"He's all heart," Nelson answered. "It's very hard to find that kind of person in this industry. We're all cold, calculating bastards, always taking advantage to get ahead. Alexi," Nelson shook his head, "he wears his heart on his sleeve and that's how he writes his music."

"That just means its right there to be trampled on by everyone," Lily said thinking about Adrian.

"It is," Nelson said. He nodded to Joshua and winked at her. "May be not by him, though, he watches Alexi like he's going to disappear forever in a few minutes. I can't get my wife to do that."

Lily chuckled.

"The one in Tampa or the one in Malibu?" she asked.

Nelson laughed. "Neither, they just want alimony."

"A new wife, promise you'll send me an invite to the wedding next time," Lily said with a smile. "You've done an amazing job with this movie. Night Guardians will sell out at the box office."

Nelson shrugged," Even if it doesn't, the movie has a hell of a soundtrack. Your boy is golden, Lily. I'm envious."

***

"Alexi, you're awesome!" Alicia exclaimed as she pulled him into a hug.

The studio had prepared cocktails and finger food for the orchestra members. Lily had insisted they join the celebration after recording.

Alexi laughed pulling back. "Thank you, there's still work to be done. Clean up, Andy gets to do that and perfect the sound."

"You're done though," Joshua asked.

"I'm done," Alexi confirmed meeting Joshua's gaze for a moment.

Why wasn't he happy? Alexi fought a frown. He'd proven his composing ability. He'd written a ton of music, enough to fill four albums. Instead of joy though, his heart felt heavy.

Turning to Alicia, he kissed her cheek and touched her hair because that was easier than thinking about his melancholy.

"You look lovely, glowing," he said. He touched her stomach. "How's my nephew doing?"

She laughed. "What if it's a girl?"

He loved her energy. If he had a sister, he'd want her to be just like Alicia. Rubbing her stomach over the red top she was wearing, he made a show of listening.

"It will be a boy. Are you going to find out the gender?" he asked.

Alicia tossed her hair back and touched her stomach over his hand. The gesture protective, she was going to make a lovely mummy, he thought.

"We're debating about that," Alicia said. "Patrick wants to be surprised but I want to know so I can prepare the nursery."

"Find out and don't tell him," Alexi advised making her laugh and hug him.

"I'm impressed." Alicia told him. "The studio, all those people, the music, I've never seen anything like it."

Joshua pulled him out of Alicia's arms. "Alright, all this adoration is enough. You're giving him a big head."

"I love my big head," Alexi said slipping an arm around Joshua's waist. "So, after tomorrow's summer program final ceremony, I'm free. What should we do? I vote take a vacation."

"Aren't you in a vacation right now?" Alicia asked.

"A working vacation, I want a fun vacation," Alexi said already imagining lying on a beach somewhere with Joshua watching the sun go down. He could live with that.

Lily appeared out of nowhere.

"Not so fast, buddy." She cut into his dream with razor sharp precision. "You and I need to have a long two weeks of concert planning before you start planning vacations. And Joshua can't go yet. Malcolm might need him for court appearances."

"The tyrant strikes again," Alexi scowled, "always bursting the bubble."

Lily gave him an unreadable glance before she headed out of the lounge.

Alexi sighed. "Give me a minute, I'll be right back."

Alexi hurried after Lily and caught up with her at the elevators.

"Lily, I was thinking. May be I can cancel the tour or push it back another month."

"You're out of your mind." Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him to the wall. "You're not an amateur, Alexi. I know you understand the consequences of what you're suggesting."

He knew the consequences. Breaking contract terms and disappointing sponsors could lead to litigation. He was starting to think it might be a better solution than leaving.

"I don't want to leave Manhattan," he said firmly.

"I'm telling you, you don't have a choice," Lily replied. "What the hell is going on in your head right now? I hope it's just the excitement of finishing with Silver Studios."

"I've never been in love before," Alexi said lamely.

It was a stupid explanation but nonetheless the only one he could give. He wanted to be here when Joshua finally won the right to be with his son. That was an important thing, and there was no doubt Malcolm would make it happen. He wanted to see Joshua everyday of his life. He wanted to share Joshua's happiness, his sorrows, hell he wanted to go grocery shopping with Joshua every day for the rest of his life.

Lily let go of his arm.

"I'm sorry, Alexi. Your first concert rehearsals are in three weeks in Tokyo. I've called Dr. Marshall to come-,"

"What?" Alexi glared at her. "Why would you do that?"

Dr. Marshall Foley was a psychologist who worked for the Zantam Foundation doing research with his mom. He and Alexi had uneasy relationship since his mother always preferred him as the family doctor.

"Why would you call that man?"

"Josh told me what happened to you at the theater," Lily said meeting his gaze. "You need professional help that will agree to come along on tour with us. Dr. Marshall won't mind-,"

"This is not happening. Josh had no right."

"He loves you," Lily cut him off. "That means he worries when you can't get off a stage without freaking out. Frankly, I can't watch you ignore this anymore myself. It's the right call."

Alexi shook his head refusing to think about talking to Dr. Marshall.

"I don't need a doctor to tell me I'm going nuts."

"Wake up, Alexander!" Lily snapped with a sharp tone. "You can't live in a dream world forever. The summer is ending, reality is at our door and you need to find a way to get on stage in three weeks. Your career depends on it."

The elevator doors opened and he frowned when she stormed in and punched the button. She left him staring at the closing doors.

"Alexi?" Joshua called behind him.

"Why did you tell her?"

He turned to look at Joshua feeling like he was losing control. The moment Marshall showed up and his mother found out he was still having problems...he shuddered.

He needed more time in New York, and it was dwindling with every moment.

"You need help, Alexi."

"I'm handling it."

"You are falling apart on stage. How is that handling it?" Joshua countered placing gentle hands on his shoulders.

Alexi stepped back hating the pity in Joshua's eyes. He didn't need pity right now. Here he was trying to find ways to stay, hell he was actually contemplating breaking contracts to stay longer. And Joshua was eager to get him gone on tour.

Joshua tried to reach for him again and he slapped his hand away.

"I don't need another person dictating my life. I have plenty of those around me. Between my mother and Lily, I can barely breathe, Josh."

"Alexi," Joshua started.

He turned away from Joshua shaking slightly.

"I'm going home."

"I'll come with you, we can talk about this."

"No." Alexi stopped at the stairwell door and shook his head. "Get Alicia home. I'll see you tomorrow at the university."

"Alexi!"

He pushed the door opened and ran up the stairs. He needed to think.

*****

Joshua stared at the stairwell door running fingers through his hair. He'd told Lily to help make Alexi better. To erase the sight of Alexi practically breaking on that stage, he'd wanted to fix it!

Why didn't Alexi want to as well? It couldn't be fun to lose control like that.

This was the first time they'd end up in separate homes since-, he paced. He couldn't remember. It had to be the night he stayed over his mom's house with Shane. Two months and some days, not one night alone, they had always stayed together, his house, Alexi's penthouse.

How dare Alexi punish him this way for caring?

"There you are, you disappeared on me," Alicia said coming down the hall. "Where is Alexi? I think I'm ready to get home now."

"Josh?" she frowned, when she got close. "Are you alright?"

He pasted on a smile.

"I'm fine. I'll get you a cab."

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked again.

He wasn't.

Maybe they did need time apart. It was good practice for the hell coming in August.

*****

Twenty-One

Alexi dreamed of his beach house in Osaka. The beach in the early morning right before the sun broke over the horizon. Waves of water washed on to the sand, his bare feet sinking into the cool wet sand, not a soul in sight. There was peace in the early morning.

Alexi.

He forced his gaze away from the colorful horizon and turned to find Joshua running toward him. He knew it was Joshua, the familiar dark curly hair, tall physique in white shirt and slacks and the way Joshua called his name.

Alexi.

Like a charm, like he was a precious charm.

Holding out his left hand, he waited for Joshua to reach him. Always waiting here where there was only peace, he wanted Joshua to reach him so that he could share the beach. Yet, Joshua wasn't reaching him. Even if he was running toward him, the distance kept getting wider and wider. Afraid he was losing Joshua; Alexi started running toward him too.

The beach faded away, they were suddenly on the streets of New York, and he couldn't see Joshua anymore...

Alexi woke up with a terrified gasp reaching out for Joshua, wanting to hold him close. His hand ran over a cool sheet and he sat up. Pressing a hand to his temple, his heart beating wildly, deathly afraid, afraid of being alone. He didn't think his dream foretold good things for him and Joshua. Staring at the empty spot on his bed, he shook his head and swung his legs over the bed.

Turns out sleep didn't come so easy anymore without Joshua. His bed had seemed like a torture device. He'd tossed and turned, throwing off blankets, adding pillows to make it less lonely. Counting sheep didn't work, whoever had come up with that had lied, he'd been awake at four o'clock this morning staring at the ceiling. When he'd finally fallen asleep, that dream had accosted him.

There was a soft knock on the door and Alexi glanced up in time to see Lily peep in to his bedroom.

"I'm happy to see you awake. Dr. Marshall is on his way and you need to get ready for the program graduation today."

"Has Josh called you?"

"Nope," Lily said. "I thought he was in here with you. I came in late last night, found you asleep."

Alexi reached for his cell phone on the bedside table. No messages or missed calls, he wiped a hand down his face and threw the phone back on the table.

"Did you two have a fight?" Lily asked confused.

"No." Alexi stood adjusting his pajama pants. He headed into the bathroom without another word.

After his shower, he dressed in a casual lightweight green shirt and gray slacks and went to the kitchen, where he found Lily had already made coffee. His body wasn't happy to be awake at all. He found a huge mug in the cupboard, and filled it with coffee. Lily had made scrambled eggs, but he wasn't hungry. He hugged his mug, inhaling the rich coffee scent, hoping it would cure his throbbing head.

Dr. Marshall Foley arrived at seven o'clock. Lily met him at the elevators with a wide smile, and led him through to the kitchen.

"Good Morning, Alexander," Dr. Marshall said coming to greet him at the kitchen island table. "How have you been?"

"Obviously not well enough. You didn't have to race to come see me."

Dr. Marshall smiled and sat in the stool beside him at Lily's insistence. She went to get him coffee and Alexi glared into his mug.

He'd spent his sleepless night thinking about Joshua and the coming tour. Now that his work at Silver Studios was over, he really had no choice but to start concentrating on the impeding eighty shows.

His career wasn't the only choice he had to make. Moving to New York had helped him reconnect with his music, but he'd also found a completely new world with Joshua. Since Lily's warning yesterday about not canceling his tour, he was down to two choices, long distance love or no love.

He was afraid he didn't know how to balance his music career, and his relationship with Joshua together. Maybe choosing Joshua meant he had to give up his career.

If he chose his career, it certainly meant giving up Joshua, didn't it. He'd have to leave for the next four months and maybe longer, and then it could be a year. There was no way he could ask Joshua to wait for him. There was no way to ask Joshua to give up his life in New York, not when he was about to spend time with Shane.

How cruel was fate? Maybe giving up the tour was the way to go.

"Alexander," Dr. Marshall said beside him.

He turned to the man who was supposed to help him make sense of his life with a sigh.

"Have you talked with my mother lately?"

"I've been in New York doing research with the foundation for the last six months. I haven't talked to your mother in a while."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Last year when you returned to Tokyo, you withdrew and your anxiety levels increased. I was visiting the Zantam offices for a few months and your mother asked me to talk to you. She wanted to make sure you weren't going to hurt yourself."

"You told her everything I said about Adrian." Alexi accused bitterly. He hadn't meant to let it come out but how was he supposed to trust this man? "Lily asked me to talk to you and I did, I poured out my heart to you, Dr. Marshall. You ended up betraying me."

"Is that why you stopped meeting me for your appointments?" Dr. Marshall asked.

Alexi frowned, the surprise in Dr. Marshall's eyes hard to understand. Memories from last year flooded him.

Adrian's decision to break up had destroyed him. He'd given up the apartment he'd gotten for the two of them and plunged into a tour blindly. His mother had called in Dr. Marshall to keep him sane, and when his anger at Adrian had gotten too much to bear, he'd directed it all against this man.

A week later, seated at dinner with his parents, he'd almost fallen off his seat when his father had warned him never to see Adrian again.

"I didn't talk to your parents," Dr. Marshall said quietly.

"Oh please, Mom kept telling me that you were recommending it would be better for me never to return to New York or see Adrian again."

Dr. Marshall sighed and shook his head. "Your sessions were private, Alexander."

Alexi turned away from the doctor and shook his head.

"Alexi," Lily said from across the table. "I'm the one who told your parents about how Adrian treated you."

"What?"

"It was me," she said with a sigh. "When you left for Osaka, I came back here to arrange the apartment sale and to dispose the furniture. It was hard undoing that apartment, Alexi. Very hard, so when I heard about Adrian going to L.A. I followed him."

"Why?" Alexi demanded in shock.

"You were hurting, burying yourself in work and barely talking to anyone. I wanted to make sure Adrian knew what he'd done to you." Lily looked away shaking her head slightly. "I found him with the woman that you met at the precinct when he was arrested. They were going into business together and-,"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You kept saying you wanted to remain friends with him. Even after he had hurt you, you didn't want to lose him as a friend. How could I have told you the truth? When your mother asked me what was going on, I told her."

"Dr. Marshall had nothing to do with it." Lily came around the table and stopped beside him. "If you're going to be angry about this, be mad at me. Just let Dr. Marshall help you get back on stage."

"Did you know about him and that woman?" Alexi asked quietly. "That they were...t-together?"

"No." Lily placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "I swear I would never have let Adrian back in here if I'd known he was with her. You know me, Alexi."

"I do." Alexi said quietly looking at her. Lily was always supporting him. "I guess I should have asked you instead of jumping to conclusions about Dr. Marshall."

"I'll only help you if you trust me," Dr. Marshall broke into the conversation. "If you can't trust me, I'll find you another doctor to get you through this."

"Alexi," Lily said with a frown. "Please-,"

"It's alright Doctor. You'll do fine," Alexi said with a short nod.

He didn't want to think about what it would be like to bring in a stranger into his life. Returning to Japan and the spotlight was going to take Herculean effort on his part. He didn't have time to get used to a new face.

"I need to get ready; we'll all go to the graduation ceremony later." Lily patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about talking to your mom."

He shrugged. He couldn't really get angry with Lily. She put up with so much from him. When she left, he turned to Dr. Marshall.

"I'm sorry for accusing you," Alexi said grudgingly.

Dr. Marshall smiled kindly.

"You don't have to apologize. I should have persisted in making you keep your appointments. But, I have to admit you might have intimidated me a bit."

"I doubt that very much," Alexi said shaking his head.

"Have you met you, Alexander? When you didn't want to see me again, you had security ban me from entering your apartment building in Tokyo. I couldn't even get into the theaters for your performances and I had bought tickets."

Alexi smiled sheepishly. "I might have gone overboard there, if you like, I can get you free tickets to the next one."

Dr. Marshall laughed. "Talk to me first the next time you get angry with me."

"Call me Alexi," he offered quietly holding out his hand to the good doctor.

Dr. Marshall took his hand in a warm, firm handshake. Dr. Marshall was an athletic man, dark hair like Joshua's but dusted with gray at the sides. Alexi wasn't sure what kind of research he ran with the Zantam Foundation, but his mother spoke highly of him.

"About my mother,-"

"You don't have to ask me," Dr. Marshall said quietly. "You and I have a doctor-patient relationship. Unless you ask me to, I don't tell her anything about what we talk about."

"Good," he sighed in relief. "We have three weeks to get me on stage, Dr. Marshall. Do you think that's possible?"

"Any thing's possible," Dr. Marshall replied sipping his coffee for the first time.

****

The ride to the program graduation was uneventful. Lily sat in the front with the driver, while Alexi sat at the back of the town car with Dr. Marshall.

"So, you've been working with these students all summer?" Dr. Marshall asked.

"Yes, about two months now." Alexi adjusted his jacket and shifted in his seat. "The program was meant to improve composing skills. Today, the five best students will receive awards prepared by Tony, the music coordinator. He's the Professor in charge of this program at the university."

"One of those awards is the chance to perform with Alexi during his first concert in Tokyo at the end of August," Lily provided from the front.

"I can only say that the winning student will get a better deal than they realize. Peter Wilson, your agent, might take an interest." Dr. Marshall noted.

Alexi smiled and shrugged. "Yes, that's the plan."

"Do you know who it is?" Dr. Marshall asked.

"We had a debate about that with Tony on the phone yesterday morning. I let him make the choice by considering grades, but there is a very shy girl named Jenny I thought would benefit from the chance. She's talented, and her compositions are unique." Alexi glanced at Lily with a sigh. "They've had a few assignments to complete since they started, and I'm hoping she showed her full potential."

"Alexi favors her," Lily explained to Dr. Marshall. "He wanted to give her the chance straight out, but Tony convinced him to consider the program grades for the sake of fairness. Jenny is smart, I'm sure she'll win."

Alexi flashed a smile and turned to Dr. Marshall. "She keeps me honest."

They arrived at the theater twenty minutes later. Tony had arranged to have the final graduation at the Frederick Loewe Theater and two students who met them at the entrance handed them program. Alexi was glad to see he wasn't going to be making any speeches. The only part to cause concern, was Tony had him handing out the final certificates. He gave Lily a worried glance. He didn't trust himself alone on a stage.

"I'll talk to Tony," she said quickly when she saw his concern.

"No." Alexi shook his head, he couldn't disappoint the students, and they'd worked so hard. "I'll manage, as long as there is someone with me."

"Are you sure?" she frowned.

No he wasn't.

He had hoped Joshua would agree to accompany him on the stage. They entered the theater and headed straight to the front where he was supposed to sit beside Tony and Joshua. The theater was already full of the students' excited parents and friends. Heavy burgundy curtains covered the stage as the students prepared backstage. The main hall was brightly lit, hardly scary, he thought. If they kept the lights on when it was time to present the awards, he might just pull this off without problems.

Dr. Marshall and Lily took seats in the first row. There was a table set right by the stage. His name carefully printed on a card and set in the middle between two others marked his spot. He pulled out his seat and stared at the card with Joshua's name.

Tony appeared on stage and the moment he saw him he hurried down the steps to the table.

"We're almost ready, the students are preparing for their performances." Tony laid out the list of students and the grading sheets. "We'll tally this at the end, and give the final awards."

He took the pen Tony had given him and arranged the sheets into a neat pile before he sat. Tony hurried off backstage and Alexi's gaze returned to Joshua's card on his left. He hadn't called him last night. He'd wanted to, especially when he'd finally gotten into bed alone. Lack of an easy solution had stopped him.

"Alexi," Joshua interrupted his thoughts and he glanced up in surprise.

"Josh," he said standing up ready to hug Joshua.

His smile froze when Joshua pulled out a chair and sat.

Alexi sat, clenching his fingers in confusion and tried not to feel hurt. He'd started this; he should have known Joshua would be angry with him. Why had he walked away last night?

"If I touch you Alexi, we're going to be giving an r-rated show."

His heart hammering in his chest, he turned to Joshua, not caring what kind of show they'd be putting on. Joshua wasn't mad at him.

He reached out and took Joshua's clenched hand holding it tight in his.

"I'm sorry about last night. I missed you so much, I wanted to die."

"Why didn't you call me?" Joshua asked. "I'd have come, Alexi."

"I was being stupid," Alexi confessed quietly.

He glanced back at Dr. Marshall and Lily who were talking quietly and Joshua followed his gaze. Seeing Joshua had him once again thinking about canceling his tour.

"Who is that?" Josh asked with a frown.

"Dr. Marshall, my psychiatrist," Alexi answered.

He clutched Joshua's hand tighter tangling their fingers tight.

"Before you showed up yesterday, I asked Lily if I could push back the tour, or maybe cancel it altogether. She refused, and warned me that I might get sued, I was angry."

"Cancel?" Joshua stared at him in surprise. "Alexi-,"

"Don't tell me it's an awful idea." Alexi glared at him hating the irrational fear brewing inside him. "It's the best plan I could come up with to allow me to stay. I don't want to leave New York. I don't want to leave you, Josh."

Joshua sighed and shifted his chair closer. Bringing their hands up to his chest, he shook his head.

"I love how much you love me, but I can't let you cancel a tour."

"What else do I do?" Alexi asked.

"You'd be running away," Joshua said with a hard tone.

"Running?" Alexi gaped. "I'm staying for us, not running."

"I won't let you cancel the tour," Joshua warned quietly. "I'm glad your doctor is here, he'll help you get back on stage, and then you have to go for your tour, Alexi."

"I don't understand you."

Alexi shook his head and would have continued the argument if Tony hadn't chosen that moment to appear. Joshua let go of his hand and he sighed in disappointment as the curtains lifted and the first of the students started their performance.

He wished he could say that he gave the students his full attention. He watched their performances as he should, but his gaze strayed to Joshua more times than he could count. He graded performances, his heart plummeting with each minute. Love songs floated around him; passionate youthful wishes that he was coming to understand were just that. When it came down to it, love was a cruel master that demanded nothing but sacrifice. He could stay, and Joshua would think he was giving up, running away from his problems.

What was wrong with that?

He went through the motions of the ceremony, doing what Tony asked, signing where designated, when the performances ended, he sat back in his chair thinking.

Choosing to stay in New York felt right, it was the better option. Regardless of litigation or whatever else his record company would throw at him. Leaving New York, his frown deepened. Not seeing Joshua for...even a minute was hard, harder than when Adrian had forced him to walk away from their life together. He closed his eyes afraid of the pain he'd feel.

"Alexi," Joshua said his name and he glanced at him hoping for a reprieve from his torturous thoughts. "We have to go on stage, time for the certificates."

Joshua walked up with him, that he did so without Alexi asking, made Alexi love him even more. Alexi handed out the certificates with plastic smiles.

"And now for the top student in this summer music program," Tony said when they got to the last name. "This student has earned herself a chance to perform on a world stage, with renowned composer Alexander Kotaru in Tokyo this August. Jennifer Becket."

Alexi felt his first genuine smile tug at his lips. He was glad Jenny had actually managed to snag top place. She walked onto the stage with a giddy expression, her cheeks flushed with excitement. When she got to Tony, Alexi noted the tears in her eyes.

"Congratulations, Jenny," Tony said taking her hand.

She thanked him with a nod and walked the few steps to Alexi.

He handed her the highly prized certificate and shook her hand.

"I'm glad you made it. I can't wait to perform with you on stage."

"The pleasure is mine, Mr. Kotaru. Thank you so much for the opportunity."

She squeezed his hand tightly.

Her hopeful smile as she turned to an applauding audience undid him. So many were depending on him, his future was set. Lily was right, he was mad to imagine he could cancel his tour. It was impossible.

"Alexi?" Joshua said clutching his elbow.

He turned to Joshua and he suddenly felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, driving him down-,

"Alexi, please keep holding on, just a little longer."

Joshua held his elbow and started leading him off the stage. He gulped in air as they walked down the steps back to their seats. Lily showed up by his side with a bottle of water, and he took it gratefully. Tony kept talking on stage, addressing the students, congratulating them on their work. Alexi sipped water, aware of Joshua still holding his elbow. Lily stood right behind him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You're right." Alexi turned to Joshua. "I have to go on that tour."

Joshua squeezed his elbow. "What about us?"

"I love you."

He glanced at Joshua with a small smile. Their future, however undefined, he had to believe that their love would survive separation. Despite the huge lump in his throat, he asked.

"I'm hoping you won't mind hanging out with me too much until I leave?"

Joshua cleared his throat and tugged his arm until they were holding hands. Alexi bit his lip hard, to keep his eyes from glazing with tears.

"I'd love that very much, Alexi."

****

The two weeks that followed the graduation ceremony were strangely quiet. Neither of them spoke of the future, they discussed Dr. Marshall's therapy suggestions and the sessions Alexi had to face every day.

Dr. Marshall insisted that the only way to get Alexi back on the stage was to get as much exposure to the thing that scared him most. With Joshua's help, they got permission for Alexi to use one of the music department's theaters. Dr. Marshall urged Alexi to spend time on the stage as much as he could.

The first couple of days were brutal. Alexi could barely stay on the stage for more than three minutes without panicking. While he worked on his stage fright, Joshua's case had taken great strides.

The week after the graduation ceremony, Malcolm called to give Joshua a court date for the initial hearing. Alexi sat beside Lily during the hearing, his gaze fixated on Sherry. The woman had kept her gaze away from Joshua through the twenty-minute session. Not once looking up at Joshua, only answering questions as her lawyer directed. Once the hearing was over, Joshua had started to talk to her, but she'd left in a hurry, refusing to listen to him.

Alexi's opinion of her had only lowered in that moment. Sherry wasn't likable, he was judging the book by its cover and he knew it. Nevertheless, he really didn't like Sherry. The next day, Malcolm came to the penthouse to let them know that the judge had approved the mediation process. Alexi held Joshua's hand tightly as Malcolm explained what to expect the next few months.

Other times when they were free of Malcolm and Dr. Marshall, or even Lily and the endless concert tour planning, he and Joshua filled their time with dates, and outrageous outings. Joshua continuously found spots in the city that surprised Alexi, turning their nights into magical moments he'd never forget.

He smiled thinking about last weekend when Joshua had made him dress up in a tuxedo. Joshua had taken him out for a romantic dinner then they'd watched a show on Broadway and gone back to Joshua's house.

There were nights this past week that they'd walked the streets holding hands and making wishful plans. Plans to be together, to visit cities and take wild vacations together.

Plans and wishes, but never talking about the future, he thought with a frown.

"Are you thinking about Joshua?" Dr. Marshall asked him interrupting his thoughts.

He opened his eyes and stared at the dimly lit hall ahead of him. One week and a half and he could finally sit on a stage without wanting to bolt. The abyss wasn't so scary. His fear that he might drown in it was dissipating with each session.

"We don't talk about the future." Alexi glanced at Dr. Marshall who sat on a piano bench by the stage entrance. "We're moving through the days as though August is not coming."

"Avoidance," Dr. Marshall said with a cool tone.

Alexi chuckled and folded his hands on his knees.

"Isn't that what led me here?"

"You're dealing with your fear."

"I lost confidence in my music when I was in Japan. I should have waited instead of jumping into a tour after Adrian left me. I was so hell bent on showing him I didn't need him."

Alexi sighed and dropped his head into his hands. His head was spinning again. Closing his eyes, he breathed in slowly and let it out.

"Back to back concerts, studio appearances, the press whirlwind, I lost sight of myself through all that mess. I'm so afraid that it will happen all over again. I'll be leaving New York and going into a tour."

"You mean you'll be leaving Joshua?" Dr. Marshall asked gently.

Alexi opened his eyes to stare at the dim hall again. He could see the red velvet seats in neat rows. His first concert was in the Tokyu theater orb, a medium sized setting, around two thousand people.

A modest number, he thought, the size of the audience wasn't the problem however.

He was more concerned about the people in the audience. They were the same critics who'd torn him apart after his last tour.

"Alexi." Dr. Marshall's voice cut into his thoughts. "Are you alright? We were talking about Joshua."

"What about him?"

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

The word came so easily these days, he smiled. Like his music, his emotions for Joshua were part of him now.

"Do you think he has played a big role in getting you back together?"

Alexi wrung his fingers in his lap and nodded.

"He has," Alexi said with a smile. "When I found out what Adrian had done, I was a mess. I couldn't even leave the penthouse without Lily or a driver. Joshua changed that for me. Practically dragged me out of the building," Alexi chuckled at the memory. "We ended up at the fountain in the Washington Square Park seated on a step, listening to music."

"Lily says you wanted to cancel the tour for Joshua."

"I've changed my mind."

Even if he wanted to right now, it was too late. Lily had sent in the schedule to Peter and preparations were underway. Various orchestras scheduled to perform with him were hard at work in different cities. The tour crew, site managers...he shuddered. Jenny, he thought thinking about the girl who was to make her debut with him at the Tokyu theater orb.

"There is too much riding on the tour to stop it now."

"Joshua can visit you in Japan. Have you asked him?"

"He's dealing with problems of his own."

"How do you feel right now?"

Alexi took in a deep breath and stared down the dark theater.

"A little afraid if I stand up I might fall on my face. What are we trying to accomplish here other than torturing me?"

"Exposure therapy," Dr. Marshall said gently. "You've been on a stage all your life Alexi. At some point last year, the confidence you found on the stage disappeared, replaced with fear. You avoided the problem and now you've barely managed to get up here to perform. I'm hoping that by the end of the next week, you'll be able to manage your fear. Well enough to perform without panic."

Alexi leaned back on his elbows tipping his head back to stare at the lights above him.

"I've performed on stages, Dr. Marshall. I've never sat on one for this long before. It's certainly a new experience."

"How do you feel about that?"

Alexi laughed at the familiar phrase.

"I don't know yet, the jury's still out."

****

"Sherry thinks I want to take Shane away."

Joshua paced his living room arms crossed against his chest. Alicia walked around him collecting newspapers, and magazines and arranging them.

"I just want a few hours with him, why does she have to be so unreasonable."

He stopped abruptly almost bumping into Alicia.

"Sit down; you're going to knock me over at this rate."

She pointed to the couch behind him and he sat automatically.

"What did Malcolm say?"

"He's talking to her lawyer; we're not to meet face to face until they agree."

Joshua punched his hand into the cushions and dropped his head back.

"I want to drive down to her house and shake her until she returns to her senses."

"Josh, if you keep talking like that I'm going to find handcuffs."

Alicia dropped a stack of National Geographic magazines on a shelf by the windows.

"Have you talked to Alexi about this? I haven't seen him in a while."

"He's busy getting ready for his tour." Joshua scowled at the ceiling. He and Alexi were stuck in a flurry of avoiding each other. Watching him talk with Lily in the dining room, planning dates and writing up lists for the tour venues, his fear of losing Alexi was growing day by day.

"Josh?"

"What?" He snapped raising his head to look at his sister.

Alicia stood holding two mugs of coffee and a hurt look that made him instantly regret his tone.

"Jeez, Alicia," he sighed. "I'm sorry."

"You're such a grumpy bear." She handed him his coffee and sipped her own. "I think you need to take a break. Take Alexi out, have a nice date and talk."

"We've gone out every night for the past week and a half. We go back home to his apartment or mine, and make love all night. Neither of us talks about the future though."

"Then make it a point tonight," Alicia advised.

****

Twenty-Two

Rain poured that Friday evening. Large drops pounded the pavements forcing Joshua to take a cab to Alexi's place. He walked into the building determined to take Alicia's advice. He and Alexi were going to talk about their future tonight.

Alexi's parents were flying in on Monday evening; Lily had planned an ambitious itinerary. He'd read the schedule yesterday and felt overwhelmed. The Kotaru family was in town for business as well as pleasure. Lily had Alexi slotted into their daily activities amidst officials from the Japanese consulate and various businessmen.

The elevator doors opened into the penthouse and he smiled when he heard Coldplay's Fix You coming from the stereo in the kitchen. Joshua took in delicious scents of spices mixed with baking fish and remembered the first day he'd come for dinner. A smile tugged on his lips at the memory of Alexi standing by the sink eating strawberries. He entered the kitchen to find Alexi washing strawberries at the sink.

Déjà vu, he thought.

Alexi looked handsome in a beige t-shirt that clung to his shoulders, white fitted pants with his hair held in a short ponytail.

"I brought wine for those," Joshua said when Alexi closed the tap and drained the red fruit.

Alexi glanced up with a wide grin. Joshua closed the distance between them and took Alexi's smiling lips in a hungry kiss. He tasted strawberries and coffee, wrapping his arms around Alexi; he closed his eyes when Alexi returned his kiss with a soft moan.

"Hi," Alexi said when they pulled apart.

"Hi," he said pressing a kiss on Alexi's jaw. He stepped back and held up the wine bottle to show Alexi. "We should do dessert before dinner."

Alexi laughed and shook his head.

"I've spent the past hour on the main course, Mister." He took the wine bottle from Joshua.

"Dessert after fish," he said. "How's Alicia?"

Joshua watched him take the bowl of strawberries and wine to the kitchen table set by the windows. Alexi returned to the island table and started chopping tomatoes he'd left on a board.

"She's fine. She's having a boy, Patrick is ecstatic."

"That's great," Alexi said happily.

"She asked if you'd visit mum one last time before you left."

Alexi paused in the act of chopping tomatoes to glance at him. "That's a good idea."

Joshua moved around the island to stand behind Alexi. He hated the tinge of sadness that fell over Alexi's tone every time he talked about leaving. Wrapping his arms around Alexi's waist, he pressed his body against Alexi's back and buried his face into Alexi's shoulder. Taking in a deep breath, he held in Alexi's clean, intoxicating scent. It reminded him of fresh laundered clothes dried in the summer sun, carefree, warm. He pressed a kiss on the curve of Alexi's neck and closed his eyes when Alexi leaned back against him.

After a few moments of silence, Alexi continued chopping his tomatoes.

"Lily flew out this morning. She's in Tokyo meeting Taka. We have the apartment to ourselves until Sunday."

"What are we going to do with ourselves all alone in here?" Joshua asked, moving his hands to Alexi's hips.

Alexi chuckled when Joshua nuzzled his neck, and pressed a kiss on his ear.

"Josh," Alexi said, "I have to finish this if we're having dinner tonight."

"We can always have strawberries." Joshua suggested his lips trailing kisses along Alexi's neck. "We can try that trick you used when you woke me with a strawberry once."

Alexi gave a moan when Joshua nibbled on his earlobe.

"That sounds enticing, truly, but did I mention I spent an hour preparing dinner."

Joshua slipped his right hand under Alexi's shirt; he trailed his fingers over Alexi's stomach, caressing warm skin. He smiled when Alexi pressed back into him and raised his knife.

"Josh," Alexi sighed. "Please...stop teasing me."

Joshua sighed dramatically, making Alexi laugh, and stepped back reluctant to lose Alexi's warmth.

"Fine, what can I help with, master-chef?" he asked, moving to the sink to wash his hands.

"You can chop cilantro for me." Alexi pointed to a fresh bunch on a tray. "I'm making a salad, everything else is ready."

Joshua got a knife from a holder on the counter and got to work.

"How was your session with Dr. Marshall?"

Alexi shrugged. "He had me sitting on the stage for an hour. We talked and afterwards, I played a few pieces, there were no episodes."

"That's progress," Joshua praised cutting the cilantro into half.

He piled the two halves together and started chopping it into fine pieces. A pang of guilt raced through him every time Alexi talked about his therapy. A part of him wanted Alexi to be unable to get back on stage. Maybe then, Alexi would stay in New York a bit longer. He shook his head to dispel the thought and concentrated on chopping cilantro.

"Josh," Alexi said softly when he didn't comment further.

He glanced up to find Alexi watching him with sad brown eyes. His heart clenched in pain, hating the thought of Alexi hurting.

He dragged out a smile and said, "I'm glad you're getting better on stage."

"We should talk about next Friday," Alexi said as he transferred the chopped tomatoes into a salad bowl and took the chopping board with the fine pieces of cilantro from him.

"What's there to talk about? You're getting on a plane and leaving me," Joshua said with more bitterness than he'd intended.

Alexi stopped mixing the tomatoes and cilantro with a mortified expression.

"Do you think it will be that easy for me?" Alexi asked, his voice trembling.

He reached for a shaker and proceeded to sprinkle the tomatoes vigorously, Joshua feared they might get a salt overdose.

Alexi slammed the shaker down on the counter and turned to the sink.

"I wish you'd come with me," Alexi said turning on the water to wash his hands.

Joshua leaned on the counter behind him, watching Alexi rinse out dishes. He wished he could go with Alexi too but how could he? The fall semester would be starting soon. He was due at the university on Monday, there were departmental meetings, classes to schedule, programs to plan, not to forget his own research projects.

Shane...he sighed.

A large part of him wanted to rebel, leave it all behind, pack a bag and follow Alexi.

Alexi turned wiping his hands on a gray dishcloth.

"I can't come." Joshua answered hating the dark shadow that crossed over Alexi's handsome features. "I'd love to get on that plane with you, Alexi."

"I know." Alexi swallowed hard and dropped his gaze to the dishcloth he held.

Joshua was glad for the music because it filled the silence. How could fate treat them this way? Alexi was everything he'd ever wanted in a partner: humorous, sincere, supportive, and intelligent. Being with Alexi filled all the cracks in his heart to overflowing.

Alexi moved to the oven and removed the platter of fish. He took it to the kitchen table and started serving the pieces on to the plates laid out on the mats.

Noting Alexi's tense shoulders, he tried to lighten the atmosphere.

"I'll visit you on weekends, or you can visit me," Joshua said.

"I have to work weekends. I can't get away from the tour, we'll have to grab hours between travel and appearances."

"I don't mind watching you work." Joshua pushed off the counter and picked up the bowl of salad Alexi had mixed. He took it to the kitchen table. "I'll attend your concerts."

Alexi nodded taking the bowl of salad, he started scooping generous portions and serving them on the plates. Joshua started to move away but stopped when Alexi suddenly dropped the serving spoon on the table and shook his head.

"I don't know if I can do this," Alexi said, his tone desperate.

Fear swept through Joshua at those words. He wasn't ready to watch Alexi leave. He certainly couldn't handle a breakup if Alexi even suggested it- he shook his head.

"Alexi-,"

"I don't know what's worse. Having to live for days without you, then seeing you for a couple of hours. It's going to kill me watching you leave me repeatedly. I can't do it."

"You have to." Joshua insisted.

Alexi shook his head.

"The pain will be too much, Josh. Maybe we'll be better off just-,"

"Don't say it," Joshua cut in, his words came out quiet, forlorn: sadness dripping through like an overflowing dam.

He turned away from Alexi afraid of breaking into tears. He wished he could turn back the clock to the moment he'd first walked in minutes ago. He was wrong; they didn't need to talk about this, not when Alexi's solution was to break up.

"I'm having moments lately when I wish your Dr. Marshall doesn't succeed to get you better. At least then I know you would have to cancel the tour and stay here, with me."

"Josh," Alexi gasped behind him.

"That's wrong. I know it is, because it makes me feel terrible every time I think about it."

A soft sigh escaped and he shook his head.

He moved to turn but Alexi wrapped his arms around him from behind. Joshua closed his eyes when Alexi pressed his face into his back.

"I'm sorry," Alexi said into his shirt.

Joshua opened his eyes, his gaze dropping to Alexi's hands on his stomach. He'd spent hours watching Alexi play piano. He covered Alexi's hands with his own, thinking of how Alexi's caresses drove him insane with need. He turned within Alexi's embrace and pulled him into a tight hug. Breathing him in, loving the feel of him in his arms. He leaned down to take Alexi's mouth in a kiss. They didn't need to talk.

He poured his desperation and fear into their kiss, taking everything from Alexi, holding him as if they were never going to be apart.

"Josh, dinner," Alexi whispered when Joshua bunched Alexi's t-shirt and jerked it off.

"It can wait." Joshua muttered against his lips.

Alexi clung to his shoulders as they shuffled out of the kitchen. Their lips locked in a melding kiss, his hands fumbled on Alexi's belt buckle, pulling it open with jerky motions. He groaned when Alexi ran his hands under his shirt, slender fingers scored his back, digging into his skin. He pushed Alexi against the wall in the hallway, and bit his bottom lip getting a needy moan in return. His hands pushing down Alexi's trousers. He savored Alexi's needy moan when he slid his hands over Alexi's ass kneading the firm globes. He used his hold to pull Alexi into him, grinding his hips against Alexi's hardness.

Their breathing came in harsh gasps as they kissed passionately, Alexi's fingers digging into his hair when he lifted him and carried him the few steps to the living room. Dropping Alexi on the couch, he reached for his own belt buckle only to have Alexi stop him.

He met Alexi's gaze as he felt Alexi undo the button on his trousers. Alexi ran a caressing hand over his hard bulge before pushing his pants down.

Joshua sunk his fingers into Alexi's hair when Alexi wrapped a hot hand around his aching erection. He held his gasp when Alexi caressed him in slow, maddening, deliberate strokes that drove him to the brink. He closed his eyes when Alexi took him into his hot, silky mouth, a long groan escaped as sensations rocked through him. His cock hardened until he couldn't hold his gasps, he glanced down and read the small triumph in Alexi's eyes. He ruthlessly held his climax back until he couldn't take the heat of Alexi's mouth on him anymore.

Dragging Alexi's mouth off him, he leaned down and captured Alexi's lips in a punishing kiss. His need roaring in his ears as he pushed Alexi back on the couch and trailed kisses down his chest, swirling his tongue on Alexi's belly button until he reached Alexi's hard cock. He gave Alexi a wicked grin before taking him into his mouth. Pleased when Alexi arched into his heat, he decided he was going to make sure Alexi didn't doubt their relationship ever again.

****

Alexi lay on his side watching Joshua sleep on the living room carpet Sunday afternoon. They hadn't moved from the living room much. He smiled remembering Joshua reheating the fish they'd forgotten on the plates at around two am Saturday morning. They had spent the day watching old movies laid out on the couch.

Time seemed at a standstill. Neither of them had made the effort to move to the bedroom, or turn on more than the lamps in the corner when it had gotten dark. When they spoke, they carefully avoided topics to do with the future. They'd taken a long shower together last night and ordered food from an Italian restaurant nearby. Joshua had tied a towel around his hips to get the food from the delivery guy.

Alexi sat up and yawned, stretching his arms over his head. The sun spilled into the living room, the rays warm against his skin.

Joshua shifted and he lay back propping his head on his arm when blue eyes opened. He leaned and kissed Joshua on his forehead.

"Hi, sleepyhead," Alexi said.

Joshua yawned and reached for him. He laughed when Joshua crashed him against his body. Arms tight around his bare back, Alexi shifted so that they lay pressed up against each other.

"This is good." Joshua murmured into his ear. "I want to wake up this way every day."

Alexi closed his eyes at the simple declaration and buried his face into Joshua's shoulder.

****

Alexi walked into the Plaza Athenee on Monday evening carrying a white lily for his mother. He crossed the lobby his steps silent on the white tiles with black diamonds. He'd always liked the hotel's warm décor. The arched doorways, gold chandeliers with white candle like lights made the Plaza Athenee feel a bit like a castle. He pressed the elevator button and stood studying the painted forest on the wall. A dirt path wound through the trees on the wall disappeared over the horizon.

For the next few minutes his imagination went wild thinking what lay beyond that forest: an oasis filled with exotic creatures, and a house in the middle of the lake where he and Joshua could hide away forever. No cares, no responsibilities, no separation.

The elevator doors swung open, jerking him back to the present. He rode the elevator to the sixteenth floor and headed for the Thai suite as Lily had directed. He knocked on the door and a young woman answered. She smiled at him and stepped back to allow him in to the suite.

"Who is it?" his mother called from the living room.

She appeared a few seconds later and gave an excited shout.

"Oh! My dear Alexander, how I've missed you," she said rushing to hug him.

Allegra wrapped him in a cloud of floral and peach. She held him tight, her hands rubbing his back, a familiar gesture meant to comfort. Allegra turned her head slightly and brushed the side of his head with a kiss.

"Hi Mum," he said returning her hug.

Her red floral dress whispered when she stepped back and he held out the lily to her.

"For you," he said with a wide smile.

She gasped and took the flower; she kissed his jaw and reached up to wipe traces of her lipstick from his skin.

"Thank you, darling. Come," she took his hand and led him into the living room, "have tea with me."

"Where's Dad?" he asked when they walked into a living area with dark hardwood floors, a carpet with burgundy red trimming and silk cream furniture.

Allegra led him to a couch and poured them tea.

"Your father and Phillip were called away the moment they landed." She glanced at her watch. "They should be back soon. Business takes precedence," she said with a tight smile. "Enough of that though, tell me about you. How are you doing, Alexi?"

He took her left hand in his and instantly felt like pouring all his troubles to her. She squeezed his fingers, her eyes narrowed when he looked at her.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head and swallowed hard.

"I'm just happy to see you. I've missed you too."

"Getting ready for your tour?" she asked urging him to take his tea with a nod.

He reached for the cup she'd placed on a coaster and sipped the hot green tea.

"Yes. Practicing my music every day," he replied.

"The film score?" she asked.

"Finished," he said putting his cup down on the table. "They'll send me tickets for the premiere. Want to come with me?"

She nodded. "I'd love to."

"What about you? How are Dad and Phillip?"

Allegra grinned wide.

"I have news. I'm sure Phillip will want to tell you himself, but I met his girlfriend. She's a nice girl, very intelligent, not like the gold diggers he's brought home before."

Alexi laughed.

"Mum, you think everyone we bring home is not good enough."

"Yes, well, it's because I love you." Allegra shrugged. "I like Phillip's Hikari. You'll meet her when you get home. She comes over for dinner on weekends."

He wondered if Allegra would react the same way to Joshua, if she'd look forward to having Joshua over for meals. How would Joshua react to his mother? She wasn't easy to understand.

"Alexi," Allegra patted his hand and he lifted his head to meet her concerned gaze. "What's going on in that creative mind? Has Adrian been disturbing you?"

He shook his head with a small scoff. He hadn't thought about Adrian since the day he'd seen him outside the studio. Adrian seemed a ghost past, funny how that worked. At the start of the summer, Adrian had taken up so much of his thoughts.

Allegra touched his jaw with the back of her hand.

"You're distracted."

Taking a throw pillow, she arranged it on her lap and urged him to lay his head on the pillow. He moved down and did as she asked. She brushed cool fingers through his hair and he closed his eyes at the soothing caress.

"We did this when you were a boy," she said after a while. "Do you remember your audition for your high school entry? You were so nervous I was worried you'd faint on stage."

He remembered. His high school academy entry exam had felt like the end of life, he thought in amusement.

"You told me that I was my own worst enemy."

"You are," she reiterated making him open his eyes to meet her gaze. "It's the best quality about you Alexi, possibly also the worst."

"Mum," Alexi complained.

"It's the truth." Allegra ran her fingers through his hair again with a smile. "What are you worrying about? Does it have to do with the young man named Joshua?"

He blushed. He would have looked away but she stopped him by bunching his hair in her fingers.

"Tell me about him," she said gently.

He sighed and shook his head, tangling her fingers in his hair. His thoughts filled with the weekend and hours spent in Joshua's arms.

"He's...perfect."

"Perfect," Allegra said raising her right eyebrow.

"You're giving me the look."

"What look?"

"Lifting your right eyebrow at me, you think I've lost my mind."

Allegra shook her head.

"You have, honey. You've fallen in love. How serious is it?"

Alexi sighed and moved to sit up. She allowed him and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I can't imagine living without him. I've even considered giving up my career for him more than once these last few weeks."

"Very serious," Allegra nodded in understanding.

He sat back on the couch and waited.

She shifted to face him and asked, "Can I meet him?"

"Are you going to give him the third degree like Nonna and Grandpa?"

She shrugged. "You're my son; he should expect nothing less, Alexi."

"He's important." Alexi pleaded meeting her gaze. "I need him."

Allegra nodded and reached out to take his hand. The door opened and his father and brother walked in to the suite. Allegra squeezed his hand as they both stood.

"We'll talk about this later," she said quietly.

"Alexi," Phillip greeted when he saw him. "You look well; New York has been good for you."

Alexi grinned at his brother and turned to his father. He bowed respectfully.

"Hello father," he said in Japanese. "It's good to see you again."

"Alexi," Hideki said coming to stand before him. "Your brother is right, you do look better than when I last saw you."

Hideki pulled him into a warm short hug. As they pulled apart, Alexi laughed when Phillip locked an arm around his neck and ruffled his hair.

"You hair's grown," Phillip teased. "Don't trust the hair salons in New York?"

"Not with an inch," he declared punching Phillip's shoulder lightly.

"Alright you two," Allegra said accepting a kiss on her cheek from Hideki. "Time for dinner, we are going to celebrate. This is the first time we've been together since March this year."

Hideki nodded and smiled at Alexi.

"Yes, we should celebrate. Your mother insisted on this trip and wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm glad she did."

They moved toward the dining room and found the table set ready for dinner.

He forgot his worries for the next few hours. Dinner with his family was animated; Phillip regaled him with tales of family drama in the past few months.

Visiting cousins, work mishaps, their parents arguing over investments and parties, his mother felt compelled to defend her arguments during those stories. His father insisted that there was no reasoning with her. He envied their unity. Despite their differences, his parents' marriage was strong.

Alexi sat back in his seat wondering if he and Joshua could manage to be like his parents. Wishes aside, this dinner was definitely better than the last one they'd had together. His father, who sat beside him sipping wine, must have read his thoughts because he put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. He turned to find his father smiling at him with approval.

"I'm glad you're doing well, Alexi." Hideki nodded to his mother. "She's been worried."

"Obsessed," Phillip said with a laugh and mimicked their mother's voice. "I wonder if Alexi's eating right. Alexi hasn't called; do you think something is wrong?"

Allegra shook her head and winked at Alexi.

"We'll all be glad to have you back in Japan," Hideki said.

Alexi stared at his plate and wished for the same confidence. He'd have his family back in Japan, but his heart..., he met his mother's gaze. Her smile disappeared as he held her gaze.

Dinner ended soon after. His father's assistant called him away leaving them to talk in the living room. They chatted until ten o'clock in the night and then Allegra gave a little yawn.

"I'm tired," she confessed. "I have an early meeting tomorrow at the Zantam offices. Your grandmother Marion insisted."

Alexi stood and urged her up. "Go to bed, you need your beauty sleep."

"What are you suggesting?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"That you're lovely, and to keep looking that way, you need some sleep."

Alexi kissed her cheek and gave her a hug.

"We're meeting for lunch tomorrow," Allegra reminded him. "Will you bring Joshua with you?"

He nodded and stepped aside to allow Phillip to bid her goodnight. She kissed Phillip's cheek.

"Don't stay up too late, you two." She bit back another yawn. "Goodnight, my darlings."

"'Night, Mum," they chorused and chuckled at the familiar habit.

"Want to go out for a few drinks?" Phillip asked.

"Yeah, my treat," Alexi offered.

They ended up downstairs at the bar.

"I heard about Adrian," Phillip said the moment they got their drinks. "Taka showed me the paperwork. Why didn't you sign the restraining order?"

Alexi sighed.

"He's not worth the trouble. I've had a lot of time to think about him, Phillip. I've met someone else, and he's taught me so much more about love than Adrian ever did. Wasting my time signing a restraining order makes him important. He'd have come looking for me just to make sure I knew it."

"He deserved to pay for what he did to you." Phillip tossed back his drink and got another. "I'm sorry you had to go through it all alone."

"I had help." Alexi smiled and shrugged. "I'm sure you know about Joshua Randolph."

"Of course," Phillip said with a laugh. "Mother watches us like a hawk. The moment they ran a background check, Dad and I got the memo. I hope he makes you happy, Alexi. If he's another Adrian, I won't stand for it."

The bartender brought them two more drinks and Alexi tossed his back. He winced and shook his head.

"I'm so happy, it's killing me."

Phillip passed him his drink and motioned for another. "You look happier than you did a few months ago. How's the music?"

Alexi smiled. "It's back, can't stop writing."

"What about your anxiety? You have an ambitious tour ahead of you. Will you be able to manage?"

Alexi tossed another shot back and gave his brother a bitter grin.

"We'll just have to find out on Friday. Enough about me, tell me about you. How's life as the Kotaru heir?"

Alexi listened to Phillip talk about their father's expectations. He had never envied his brother's position. Running Kotaru Industries wasn't easy, there were traditional responsibilities forced upon Phillip daily. His brother carried all his constraints with such composure. He remembered what his mother had told him earlier in the evening.

"Mum told me about Hikari," he said turning in his seat to look at Phillip. His brother would never introduce a woman to his mother without having thought seriously about her. "You're going to marry her, aren't you?"

Phillip chuckled. "I figured she wouldn't keep it a secret. Yes, I'm marrying Hikari. I didn't want to tell you before you met her."

"She must be one tough woman." Alexi sighed.

"Why do you say that?"

"She impressed our mother."

"It was touch and go at the start," Phillip confessed. "I wasn't sure Hikari could handle her. Allegra is an acquired taste."

"She almost had Adrian put in prison at the start of the summer." Alexi dropped his gaze to his glass. "I almost let it happen too."

"Alexi-,"

"You don't have to tell me 'I-told-you-so'." Alexi cut him off. "I said it to myself for weeks before Josh pulled me out of my misery."

"Did he now?"

"Yeah, he's so good to me," Alexi continued. "He's so much stronger than I am. There are times I feel as though I can't face my life without him. Do you feel like that about Hikari, Phillip?"

"Sometimes," Phillip mused.

"I think you and Josh would get along. Do you remember when you took me bungee jumping?"

Phillip laughed. "You turned into a chicken and refused to jump."

"Josh forced me into a roller coaster this summer. It was so exhilarating I wondered why I hadn't done it before. He called it scream therapy. Can you believe that?"

Phillip held up his glass for a toast and said, "Sounds like love, lil' brother."

Alexi realized he'd drunk more than planned when they finally got ready to leave. He stood from his stool and almost stumbled to the floor. Phillip pulled his arm over his shoulder and helped him out of the bar.

***

Joshua paced the living room, his gaze on his cell phone. It was one o'clock in the night and there were no messages from Alexi. Lily had come in around nine. She'd gone straight to bed claiming exhaustion. He sighed and forced himself to be patient.

He knew how family dinners could be. Talking late into the night, maybe Alexi's family had insisted he stay over at the Plaza. If that was the case, shouldn't Alexi have called him?

Changing direction, he went to stare out the floor length windows wondering if he shouldn't go out to look for Alexi.

The elevator doors opened and he whirled around relieved. He stopped short when he saw an unfamiliar man. He had short dark hair and was dressed in a light cream suit.

Joshua moved and gasped when he saw the figure slumped against the unfamiliar man.

"Alexi," Joshua said.

He rushed forward ready to take Alexi away from the stranger.

"Who are you? What did you do to him?"

"Josh," Alexi slurred. He lifted his head slightly and blinked. "There are two of you."

"Are you drunk?" Joshua asked in shock.

He tried to pull Alexi away from the stranger. Now that he was close, there was something familiar about him.

"I might have taken a few drinks. We were celebrating. This is my big brother, Phillip. Phillip, this is my Josh. Jeez, I'm so tired."

Alexi sighed and closed his eyes.

Alexi sagged and his brother held him tighter with a sigh. Alexi was out. He reeked of whiskey; Joshua couldn't remember Alexi ever drinking excessively. Joshua gave the man supporting Alexi a short glance. What a way to meet Alexi's family.

"We should probably get him on a bed." Phillip grinned at him breaking the ice. "He's out until tomorrow, believe me."

Joshua nodded and helped Phillip take Alexi to their bedroom. He pulled back the covers on Alexi's side and they lay him on the bed. Phillip pulled Alexi's shoes off and pulled the covers over Alexi.

Joshua took a step back and watched Phillip study his brother for a moment before he leaned down and pressed a kiss on Alexi's hair.

"Would you like some coffee?" Joshua asked when they left the bedroom.

"Coffee sounds good." Phillip followed him into the kitchen and slid on to a stool at the island table. "So, you're Josh?"

Joshua took a mug from the cupboard and reached for the coffee he'd brewed thirty minutes ago.

"I am," Joshua replied sizing up Phillip.

He was taller than Alexi, sharp features, strong jaw, his eyes more slanted than Alexi's were. Dark brown eyes met his gaze and he added a keen intelligence to Phillip's repertoire.

"How was your family dinner?" he asked taking the mug of coffee to Phillip.

"Sugar, cream?" he asked.

"None," Phillip answered. "Dinner was fine; it was nice to have the family together in one place. We all missed Alexi very much this summer."

"I'm sure," Joshua said leaning on the counter. He folded his arms against his chest.

Phillip sipped his coffee and studied him.

"My brother cares a lot about you."

Joshua thought about Alexi's drunken introduction in the living room and felt his heart clench. Alexi had called him, 'his Josh'.

"I care about him too." Joshua told Phillip hoping his sincerity came through.

Phillip studied him for a moment, before he put his mug down.

"I'm glad. I'll be going now. I have a few appointments tomorrow. Take care of my brother."

Joshua pushed off the counter and followed Phillip to the elevator. The doors opened and Phillip turned to give him a short bow.

"Tell him to call me in the morning."

Joshua watched the doors close with a sigh and switched off the lights

****

Twenty-Three

Alexi woke up alone in bed the next morning. He turned to his left searching for Joshua only to find a note on the pillow. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and read the note.

" _Went for a meeting with the dean, I'll be back soon, Love you. – J"_

He smiled, got out of bed and walked to the desk by the window. Opening the top drawer, he reached for a diary he kept there and slipped the note between the pages. A picture fell out and he grabbed it before it hit the floor. He'd forgotten that picture of him and Adrian lying in bed together. Placing the diary on the top of the desk, he studied the picture.

He remembered the morning Adrian had taken it. They'd just returned from visiting his grandparents in Montauk. Nonna Marion had been especially mean to Adrian and he'd spent the night making it up to Adrian. He shook his head marveling at how besotted with Adrian he looked in the picture. Those days, Adrian had walked on water; and Alexi couldn't hear anything wrong about him. He'd hated how his grandparents had treated Adrian. Now that he knew who Adrian was, their reaction toward Adrian made sense.

Funny, there was no pain stabbing in his heart now, no sense of betrayal. He and Adrian, what they'd had together, he smiled placing the picture beside the diary, what they'd had together was a shadow, an imitation of what love should be.

He picked up his diary and arranged the dozen other recent notes from Joshua. He'd started keeping the notes in his diary not wanting to throw them out. Closing the diary, he returned it into the drawer and stood for a moment staring at the picture on the desk. He would never regret his time with Adrian, he decided, but it was time to let him go.

Thirty minutes later, showered and dressed, he walked into the kitchen to find Lily leaning on the counter sipping coffee while she went through her Blackberry. He smiled at the familiar sight; he'd missed having her around.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she greeted.

He hugged her and pressed a kiss on her soft cheek.

"I didn't see you at all yesterday. Hanging with Taka?"

She rubbed his back and chuckled. "Yes."

Alexi laughed and stepped back. "I'm glad."

He poured himself coffee, frowning when he saw it was almost eleven on the microwave clock.

"Wow, is it really that late?"

"Josh said to let you rest. He also told me you were drunk last night and Phillip had to bring you home."

Alexi took his coffee and leaned on the counter beside Lily. She put her Blackberry in her jeans pocket.

"Josh is meeting your mom today."

"Yeah," Alexi sipped his coffee to stop the shiver that ran down his back. "I got drunk last night just thinking about it."

"He'll be fine," Lily soothed. "Nonna Marion didn't have a problem and your grandfather treated Joshua like a grandson. I'm very sure; he'll charm your mom and dad."

"I love your confidence," Alexi said with a wary expression.

Lily smiled and bumped his shoulder gently.

"Alexi you worry too much. Let's change the subject. I cleared with Silver Studios; they'll pick up the keys to the penthouse at the front desk tomorrow afternoon. Since our stay is over, we'll need to pack. I've ordered moving boxes that will arrive this afternoon. It's time to pack."

Alexi sighed. "I don't want to do that now. Can't we wait for Thursday?"

"You've accumulated stuff this summer, Alexi."

Lily put her mug on the counter and waved a hand around the homey kitchen.

"There are things to ship, others to throw away or give away, you know the drill."

Packing was so final, it made Friday so much closer, he wished he could extend time.

"Lily," he started.

"I know how you feel," she said touching his arm. "Let's get started after you're back from your lunch."

She gave him a small assuring smile and he nodded. Pushing off the counter, she stretched her arms above her head.

"I have an appointment with a friend," she said mysteriously. "Will you be meeting Josh or is he coming here?"

Alexi glanced at the time.

"He might have to meet me." Remembering the photograph on his desk in the bedroom, he frowned. "Lily, will you do me a favor...."

****

Alexi held Joshua's hand tight as they took the elevator upstairs to his parent's suite. He was glad they weren't meeting in a restaurant. This was too important for that, his heart pounded a mile a minute in his chest. Joshua squeezed his fingers and he lifted his head to find blue eyes watching him.

"I'm the one who should be nervous." Joshua teased with a crooked smile.

The sight of it calmed him, his nerves settled, although they didn't disappear. He held Joshua's hand with both of his.

"I just want mom to like you," he said with a weak smile. "I want her to see how happy you make me."

"Maybe she'll see how happy you make me," Joshua countered touching his jaw with a gentle finger.

The elevator stopped and they walked down the hallway to his parent's suite. Joshua stopped him before he knocked and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Stop worrying," he said.

Alexi bunched his fingers into Joshua's shirt and breathed in his scent. Gods, he loved how Joshua smelled, like a fresh breeze by the beach, on a summer day. His nerves settled and he held on to Joshua a little longer, not wanting to give up their closeness.

Joshua pressed a kiss on top of his head and stepped back. Alexi knocked on the door and the young woman from the day before opened. She gave them both a warm smile of welcome and pointed to the living room.

His mother stood by the windows, speaking quietly into her phone. His father's assistant sat on the couch going through documents on the coffee table and typing into her laptop. Allegra ended her call the moment she saw them.

"Alexi, my darling," she said crossing the room to hug him.

His father's assistant stood and gathered her documents and laptop. With a short bow, she left the room quickly.

"You're looking handsome." Allegra praised kissing his cheek. She stepped back, and retaining his hand, she turned to Joshua with an expectant gaze. "And this must be Joshua."

Alexi smiled. "Mom, Joshua Randolph, my boyfriend. Josh, this is my mom, Allegra Kotaru."

Joshua held out his hand and Allegra took it with a slight smile. "Nice to meet you, Josh, I've heard so much about you."

"It's good to meet you too, Mrs. Kotaru," Joshua said.

"Call me, Allegra. Come sit with me while Helena takes care of lunch." Allegra led Alexi to the couch and watched as Joshua settled in an armchair to her right. "I met up with your grandmother this morning."

"How is she?" Alexi asked.

"Stubborn," Allegra commented with a small laugh. "I got an earful for missing the fourth of July. I told her I was meeting you for lunch today and she had nothing but good things to say about Joshua. Speaking of which," Allegra shifted on the couch so that she was looking at Joshua. "Thank you for looking after Alexi while he was in New York."

Joshua met his gaze and gave him a small smile. "We looked after each other."

"You're a professor at NYU." Allegra stated. "Has the school year started yet?"

"Not yet," Joshua replied.

"I imagine once it does, it will keep you very busy until the holidays." Allegra tightened her hold on Alexi's hand when he started to pull it away. "Won't that be in December?"

"Yes it will, but I'm sure I can get a few days in between to get away to visit Alexi on tour."

Allegra frowned. "Alexi's tours are grueling. He has no time to visit with his family and we're in Japan. You'll end up having very short visits."

Joshua glanced at Alexi. "I'm sure we'll manage."

"Your optimism is admirable."

"Mom," Alexi started but the young woman who'd opened the door earlier interrupted by walking in to announce lunch.

Pulling his hand out of his mother's, he stood up and gave her an irritated glare. He wasn't sure where she was going with this conversation.

"I'm famished." Allegra announced ignoring his glare as she stood up in a graceful sweep.

She was elegant in a slimming royal blue dress that stopped just above her knee. She led the way to dining area, her heels muted by the carpet.

She sat at the head of the table. Alexi scowled when she indicated for Joshua to take a seat on her right, while he took the one on her left. Joshua waited until she sat before he settled in his seat.

"Sit down, Alexi." Allegra told him as she unfolded her napkin and placed it on her lap.

She waited until their food was served before she spoke, giving her attention to Joshua.

"My mother says you research eastern literature, currently focused on Japan."

"Yes, I've been researching the Meiji period in Japan, and the major cultural shift forced by the arrival of the western influence. Exploring how the warrior class had to put down their swords and adopt new identities as government officials. I find it interesting that despite the western influences, Japan held on to its traditions, and managed to only adopt the parts of Western culture that worked for them."

"The Meiji Period was a tumultuous time." Allegra agreed with an approving nod. "I've been working with students from the Tokyo National University. They've created an impressive exhibition at one of their galleries focused on woodblock print on paper influenced by the Meiji period. The Zantam Foundation helped acquire woodblock prints from that period to add to the collection. The exhibition has gotten a wonderful response from the public."

"I'd love to see it," Joshua exclaimed. "I've only seen woodblock print once when I went to Kyoto. I bought a few, and I have them hanging in my office. They're landscapes with gorgeous colors."

Alexi smiled watching his mother and Joshua get into a discussion about Japanese art. Through the soup, appetizers, and the main meal, Joshua and Allegra covered an astounding array of topics. Joshua shared the same love for history his mother had.

Sipping wine, Alexi sat back in his chair and watched his mother and boyfriend argue about the state of women's rights in Japan. He wondered if they'd tasted the roasted Amish half-chicken, through the talking. Helena urged the waiters to clear the table and bring dessert.

"Alexi has never been one for history. We're boring him." Allegra glanced at him with a wide smile. "Isn't that right?"

Alexi chuckled and winked at Joshua. "She wishes Phillip and I had grown up loving history like she does."

Allegra picked up her spoon and took a small bite of the vanilla flavored Jaffa ice cream before her.

"Looks like I've found someone to talk to," she said.

Alexi couldn't help his smile of joy. "Does that mean you approve?"

"Of course," Allegra turned to Joshua, "but, I have concerns."

"Mom-,"

"I want to hear them," Joshua cut him off with a gentle tone.

Alexi sighed and sat back in his chair barely touching his ice cream.

Allegra gave him a concerned glance before she turned to Joshua.

"I'm sure you're fighting to get tenure at the university. I also understand you're currently in an access battle for your son?"

"Yes," Joshua said. "I also love Alexi, Mrs. Kotaru."

"I can see that but love is rarely enough," Allegra said. "Things won't be easy for the two of you in the coming months. I wasn't kidding when I told you that we barely see Alexi during his tours."

"We'll manage," Alexi said then glaring at his mother's interference. "I'll make sure to make time for him when he visits."

Allegra sighed and put her spoon down.

"Alexi, you're angry with me for stating the obvious. You have to understand, if you don't talk about it, what you're facing in the next months could send your relationship up in smoke. Is that what you want?"

"No," Alexi said in shock.

"Then stop glaring at me." Allegra took Joshua's left hand. "Josh, this son of mine gets hurt easily. He doesn't like to ask for help or talk about the things that worry him. He hasn't had the best experience when it comes to a long distance relationship, and almost lost his career because of the last one. If you were his mother, and were in my position, wouldn't you worry seeing another long distance relationship starting?"

Joshua glanced at Alexi for a moment before he answered. "I would worry."

Allegra squeezed Joshua's hand.

"That's all that needs to be said. I'm happy Alexi met a man like you. He's lucky to have you."

They finished lunch and returned to the living room. This time Joshua sat beside Allegra while Alexi went to the bathroom. When he returned, he found Phillip and his father had arrived.

"We've heard a lot about you, Joshua. You've been with Alexi this summer?" Hideki asked in Japanese.

His father rarely spoke English with his family.

"Yes," Joshua answered in Japanese drawing a proud smile from Alexi.

He took a seat across his father drawing his attention. Hideki gave him a quick glance before he turned back to Joshua.

"Do you speak Japanese?" Hideki asked.

"Yes," Joshua answered in kind. "My accent is a bit off, but I've managed to brush up on the language talking to Alexi and Lily."

Hideki nodded in approval.

"Adrian never bothered to learn in the time he visited Alexi. Terrible young man that one. You look like you have a good head on your shoulders."

"Of course he does," Allegra spoke before Alexi could jump in. "Joshua is on track for tenure at the New York University. His current research parallels the exhibition our foundation is running at Geidai."

Hideki accepted a cup of tea from Helena.

"Is that so? My wife worked hard on that exhibition. She was in Australia until the last minute trying to acquire a Prince Genji woodblock print. What about your parents?"

"My mother runs a small business, baking. My father passed away when I was very young." Joshua answered.

Hideki nodded. "That must have been hard on you and your family."

"We managed," Joshua replied.

"Good for you, struggle makes a man stronger." Hideki turned to Alexi with a frown. "I heard you're seeing Dr. Marshall. Are you ready for your tour?"

Glad the focus was no longer on Joshua, Alexi nodded. "Yes, I'm ready."

"Important business associates bought tickets to your first concert, they'll expect a lot."

"Yes, father. I'll do my best." Alexi nodded and looked at his mother.

"Well," Allegra stood. "How about we let these two leave? I've kept them here with me all afternoon. Alexi still has to get packed."

Alexi got to his feet and urged Joshua to follow suit.

"It was nice to meet you, Mr. Kotaru."

Joshua gave Hideki a short bow that had Alexi hiding a laugh when his father returned it.

"Later, Phillip," Alexi called to his brother.

Allegra walked them out of the suite.

"Josh, my husband can be intimidating. I hope you know he likes you."

Joshua chuckled. "How could you tell?"

"He spoke to you," Alexi said.

Allegra laughed and stopped when they got to the elevator.

"I'm happy I met you, Joshua. I can see why my son is in love with you."

Joshua glanced at him.

"I can see it in his eyes." Allegra pulled Alexi against her with her left arm. "He doesn't want to leave you behind."

Joshua nodded and smiled at Alexi. "I know."

"I think you two will work out," Allegra said in a decisive tone, "but only if you face your truth."

Alexi kissed her cheek and stepped away from her. "Mom, I'm sure we'll be fine."

"Look at him, still avoiding the issue," she said with a shake of her head. "Listen to your mother, my dear."

Pressing the button to call the elevator, she smiled. "Joshua, give me a kiss."

Joshua kissed her cheek and hugged her. "It was very nice to meet you, Allegra."

"Likewise," she said. "Alexi, don't give Lily a hard time. I'll call later."

The elevator doors opened and she waited until they entered and the doors closed.

***

"Your mom is pretty cool," Joshua said twenty minutes later when they entered Alexi's building.

Alexi punched the elevator button and leaned on the wall.

"Do you agree with her?" Alexi asked.

"Alexi, I think we need to state our truths, without you threatening to break up with me. I can't handle losing you," he said.

The elevator doors opened and they walked in. Joshua watched Alexi slip his security card into a slot in the panel to send the elevator to the penthouse.

Alexi leaned on one side of the elevator while Joshua took the other.

Taking a deep breath, Alexi said, "Fine, this is my truth. I can't quit my music. I need it, Josh. I also love you, more than anything in the world."

"I have Shane and my career in New York. My family is here."

"Japan is my home. My family is there." Alexi countered meeting his gaze with sad brown eyes.

Divided by an ocean, Joshua thought.

His heart clenched tightly as he said quietly, "I love you more than anything in the world."

The elevator doors opened and Alexi glanced into the front hall and the living room. Moving boxes littered the floor, packing paper and tape supplies. Lily was already hard at work.

Joshua pushed off the wall and held out a hand to Alexi. "Together?"

Alexi took his hand and clenching it tightly, he pushed off the elevator wall and they went to help Lily pack.

****

Wednesday was hard.

Lily had a long activity list that included packing up every item he wanted to ship to Osaka. After breakfast, Alexi dragged Joshua into his bedroom not ready to face the reality of his departure yet.

"We should get started." Joshua said putting the empty boxes Lily had handed him on the bed.

Alexi sighed and perched on his desk looking around the room.

Joshua came over to him and touched his nose. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not ready." Alexi shook his head picking up books from the corner of the desk. "This is our place, Josh, our corner."

"We have my house, which is our corner too." When he shrugged, Joshua sighed and took the books he was holding. "How about this, choose the things you want to keep and we'll take them to my house. Hmm...you can arrange them however you like."

Alexi smiled. "What are you saying, Josh?"

"If you weren't leaving on Friday, we'd have ended up living together." Joshua tugged his hair. "Having your things at my house will make me feel happy, Alexi. I want you to know that you have a home here with me too."

Alexi stared at the books Joshua was holding.

Home, he thought.

He was starting to realize there were many ways to define that word. He liked the idea of coming home to Joshua. Having a place to return to in this city, leaning over, he pressed a kiss on Joshua's jaw.

"I'd love that very much," he said.

Three hours later, Lily came in to check their progress and gave a short gasp. Alexi sat on the carpet sorting through books. Joshua lay on his back beside Alexi reading a magazine. The boxes she'd given them to fill were still empty on the bed.

"Are you two actually packing anything?"

Joshua grunted and rolled to his side, propping his head up with his left hand. Alexi sunk fingers into his dark curly hair and played with the strands. He had no energy to pack; it was taking everything he had to pull things apart.

Lily on the other hand, had packed up the study, her room, the guest bedroom, the living room and the kitchen. Boxes stood packed neatly in the hallway, he was afraid to go out there.

"We're doing our best." He flashed a half-smile and put the pile of books next to the 'take-to-Josh's' pile.

Lily threw her arms up with impatience and stormed out of his bedroom.

Turning to Joshua, Alexi asked, "Do you think we can escape packing? I suddenly feel like eating your mom's chocolate cookies."

Joshua laughed and leaned to kiss him. "That sounds great."

*****

Joshua drove the black Mercedes on loan from Alexi's family to Staten Island. Alexi sat in the passenger seat watching the passing scenery in silence. Lily hadn't let them leave the penthouse until they'd packed the things Alexi wanted shipped in his room. Alexi had made her promise to borrow one of the cars the Kotaru family had leased for the duration of their stay.

A small part of Joshua had died when Alexi sealed the last box. Despite his optimism, watching Alexi leave was going to be harder than he could describe.

Alexi shifted in his seat and he snuck a glance at him. Dressed in faded blue jeans, a yellow t-shirt and sneakers, he could easily be a handsome half-Japanese guy living down the street. Joshua imagined him working as a school music teacher in the public school. In that life, they'd have met at the park, fallen in love, moved in together and gotten married in a fabulous ceremony surrounded by family and friends. Alexi would insist on growing herbs on the kitchen windowsill and eating fresh vegetables. He'd work on making Alexi push the boundaries and try out new things. Three years into their blissful happiness, they'd adopt two children, raise them and take family vacations in the summer. They'd be one big happy family.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Alexi interrupted his daydream.

Keeping a steady hand on the steering wheel, Joshua patted Alexi's knee with a sigh.

"Alternate realities," he answered quietly.

Alexi chucked and tangled their fingers. "You're not making sense, Josh."

"Doesn't matter," Joshua soothed turning on to his mother's street. "We're here; hope you're ready to eat. Mom will have cooked."

****

This time Alexi left the car eager to see Eve again. The anxiety he'd suffered last time was gone, and when Eve opened the front door, he smiled wide and pulled her into a tight hug. She smelled of fresh baked cookies.

"I'm so happy you could make it," Eve said patting his cheek as she stepped back. She hugged Joshua and urged them into the house. "Come into the kitchen. Alicia's eating the chocolate cookies faster than I can bake them."

"I heard that!" Alicia said as they entered the kitchen. "Hi guys."

Alexi chuckled and pulled her into a hug. She smacked a wet kiss on his right cheek.

"I made Josh drive me here for the cookies," he teased when she grabbed two from a tray on the counter.

"Share," he insisted.

Alicia broke one in half and handed it to him.

Eve laughed.

"You're truly part of the family now," Joshua said sitting on a stool. "Alicia's not playing nice anymore."

Alexi grinned and bit into the warm cookie. He rolled his eyes in pleasure, loving the explosion of sweet chocolate in his mouth.

"Josh, how is school?" Eve asked as she checked on a fresh batch of cookies.

Joshua shrugged.

"The usual politics in the staff room, curriculum changes, and policy updates, department meetings, same old stuff."

"He's been spending his mornings at the university and fielding a million calls." Alexi leaned on the counter beside Alicia. "He's very popular these days."

"That's Josh," Eve said with pride. "What about you, Alexi? Are you all packed?"

Alexi finished his cookie and wiped his hands on his jeans.

"It's a work in progress."

"I can imagine." Eve removed a tray of cookies from the oven. She placed them on a cooling track and placed her oven mitts on the counter. "We tend to accumulate things even after a few months."

Thinking of the boxes he'd left in the hallway at the penthouse, Alexi sighed. "You have no idea."

"I'd hoped you have another week," Alicia said bumping his shoulder. "We didn't get to hang out."

"Me too," Alexi said leaning into her. "That's why I wanted to come see you today. I won't get a chance to get away tomorrow."

"Well," Eve clapped her hands. "We should make this a small party. Drink, tell stories, and eat."

"No alcohol for Alicia," Joshua declared jumping off the stool to head to the pantry.

"Coffee and juice can count as drinks," Alicia said tugging on Alexi's arm.

They sat at the kitchen table. The warmth in Joshua's family struck Alexi once again. Instead of tiptoeing around his departure, Alicia and Eve teased and told jokes. Speculating on what Joshua was going to do first after he left. Eve made him promise to write her emails and call her on Skype. She wanted to share his tour with friends. Alicia made him promise to send her a kimono. He laughed when they teased him about falling on stage. That moment alone was momentous for him, laughing at the idea of stage fright instead of breaking apart.

He sat back in his chair and looked up to find Joshua watching him with a solemn expression.

Yes, beneath it all, was the sad truth, they had one more day together and then they were going to be apart.

*****

Thursday turned into a whirlwind of activity. Joshua left for an unavoidable meeting at the university. Alone in his room, Lily didn't give Alexi time to wallow in his loneliness. She pushed him to pack his clothes while she handled shipping companies, and flight confirmations. At around ten o'clock, Lily walked into his bedroom with a frown.

"What's wrong?" he asked folding t-shirts into his suitcase.

Lily sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "About that favor you asked me, he's here."

Alexi felt a nervous pang slash through him. He was glad Joshua was at work.

"Adrian is waiting in the living room."

Alexi moved to the desk by the windows and picked up a white envelope. He hurried out of his bedroom adjusting his t-shirt and pajama pants. The last time he'd seen Adrian, he ran away from him, this time-, he paused at the entrance into the living room.

Lily stood at his bedroom door watching him with a worried glance. He gave her a short smile before he headed into the living room.

Adrian stood by the windows his arms folded behind him. He looked better than last time. Dressed in a gray light suit, his hair had grown back, cut stylishly. He'd always thought of Adrian as a cat; no matter the disaster, Adrian landed on his feet.

Alexi stepped into the living room and Adrian turned to look at him.

"Hi Adrian," he said keeping his tone abrupt. "Thanks for coming."

"Alexi," Adrian said with a smile. "You look good, relaxed."

"Yeah," Alexi urged him to take a seat on the couch. "How's business?"

Adrian beamed. "Better, we've managed to turn around. I made a few changes and we're doing great."

He heard it now. That false tone in Adrian's voice, he might look fine, but it was a show. Green eyes wouldn't meet his in a direct gaze, and despite the perfect clothes, Adrian had lost considerable weight. Maybe from stress, not that it mattered. It wasn't his problem now.

"Adrian," he said holding out the envelope. "I wanted to return this to you. I took it from one of your albums a couple of years back. Also, Lily found a few things in the guest bedroom that belong to you."

Adrian took the envelope and opened it. He paused when he found their picture. "This was yours, Alexi. You carried it in your diary."

"Yes, well," Alexi shrugged. "It's time to break away from old habits."

"Is that all we were?" Adrian asked quietly.

Alexi met sad green eyes and for the first time actually saw Adrian. The Adrian he'd wanted to return to when he'd first come to New York. That lovely young man he'd fallen in love with his first year at Julliard. He'd had some good times with that Adrian. Sadly, somewhere along the ten years they'd known each other that Adrian had disappeared. Leaving behind a stranger, and he'd been too much of a fool to realize the truth.

"Yes," Alexi answered matching Adrian's tone.

Adrian held his gaze for a moment longer then he dropped it back to the photo. Returning it into the envelope, he nodded and when he glanced up that familiar Adrian was gone.

"I'm sorry, Alexi." Adrian slipped the envelope into his jacket pocket. "I regret many things, but most of all, I regret losing your friendship. I know there is no way to get it back-,"

"We can never get it back," Alexi cut in and stood up.

Adrian stared at him for a moment before he stood too. "Fine, we can never get it back. I just-, I'm sorry for what I did to you."

Alexi gave him a curt bow. "If you'll wait a second, Lily will show you your boxes."

He left the living room without a backward glance. Lily met him in the corridor, she patted his shoulder and he nodded in assurance. He was fine, better than fine, he thought as he entered his bedroom. Letting go of Adrian had released a weight off his shoulders he hadn't known he was carrying.

From then on, he concentrated on packing up his closet. They finished at around four o'clock in the afternoon. The penthouse was bare, his two suitcases and a carry-on bag stood in the living room and all traces of their summer were gone.

Lily wheeled her own two suitcases from her room. A large handbag slung over her shoulder, she waved her blackberry at him.

"The car is waiting downstairs. Are you sure you don't want me to get you a room at the plaza?"

Alexi shook his head. "I want to spend the night with Josh."

Lily joined him by the glass windows and they stared out in to the sunny afternoon. "It was a great summer."

"The best," Alexi murmured.

Lily tugged his elbow.

"Let's go, Joshua can meet you at the hotel. We'll have dinner and you two can go where you want. We should be at the airport at six-thirty. The flight home is at eight o'clock in the morning."

"Why so early?" Alexi complained again.

"You're forgetting we'll arrive in Osaka on Saturday. It will give you time to unpack and then on Sunday evening, we'll be on the way to Tokyo."

The traveling wouldn't stop until December, he thought.

"You're the master," he said with a sigh. "Not tonight though, this is my last night with Josh."

"I know, you're off limits, but only after dinner," Lily said with a smile as she wheeled her suitcases to the elevator. "Come on, let's go."

He wheeled his two suitcases after her. Downstairs, she handed over an envelope to the man behind the security desk. The doorman helped them with their bags and after a friendly goodbye, they were in the town car headed to the Plaza Athenee.

Alexi watched as their luggage was taken in to the hotel. He wanted to escape this dinner, and go to Joshua's place, but Lily held on to his arm and practically dragged him into the hotel, headed for the banquet hall.

Joshua appeared at the entrance looking handsome in a blue shirt that matched his eyes and black trousers. His hair combed back; he'd tried to tame the unruly curls. He looked good enough to eat, Alexi's heart squeezed. Gods, he loved this man.

"Alexi," Joshua greeted him with a chaste kiss on his jaw. "How was your packing?"

"Like hell. I missed you." He wrapped his arms around Joshua's waist and hugged him. "Are you sure we can't skip this dinner?"

"I'm sure," Joshua said running fingers through Alexi's hair. "Lily, Alicia and I, we've planned this for days. Everyone is waiting."

"Everyone," Alexi asked with a frown.

Joshua grinned, took his hand and led him into the hall. Loud cheers and claps startled Alexi and he stopped short surprised by the number of people in the elegant room.

"You didn't think we were going to let you leave without a party, did you?" Joshua asked.

He was stunned. The banquet hall was set up for a party; a buffet table on one side, with smaller tables set around the room. The décor was simple and elegant, flowers on the tables. They'd invited his family, of course, Joshua's family; there was Andy, Georgia and five other staff members from Silver studios, faculty members from the university music department and some of the students who were in the summer program. Waiters moved around serving drinks and Alexi turned to Joshua.

"When did you do this?"

"Let's just say this week has been busy." Joshua grinned.

Lily took his elbow and said excitedly. "Lots of people to meet and talk to, sorry Josh, you can have him after eight o'clock."

The party was boisterous and the food was good. He talked to everyone Lily dragged him to, endured goodbyes and many wishes for a successful tour in Japan. After an hour, Alexi had had enough. This was his last night in New York. He didn't want to spend it talking to all these people.

Searching the crowd, he wondered where Joshua had disappeared. He dodged Lily by the buffet table and managed to slip out the main doors to the hallway.

Joshua paced the hallway talking into his cell phone, after a few minutes, he hang up and gave a tired sigh.

"What's wrong?" Alexi asked closing the distance between them.

"Shane called; he wanted to come to the party." Joshua put his phone away and slid his hands around him. "I didn't want to make trouble with Sherry, so I never asked."

Alexi rubbed away the frown on Joshua's forehead. "It will get better."

"Did you eat?" Joshua asked studying him.

"Yeah, and talked, and drank," Alexi replied.

"Want to go back to the party?"

"No." Alexi shook his head and held Joshua's gaze. "I want to spend my last night with you, Joshua Randolph."

Joshua smiled and pulled him closer.

"Me too, Alexi," he said into his ear.

****

Joshua was happy to have Alexi in his house tonight. He wanted to remember Alexi in his home, have his scent in his sheets for as long as he could. In his bedroom, they stripped with eagerness, littering the carpet with their clothes. They fell on the bed kissing in wild abandon. Soft lights glowed from the lamps in the corners of the room. A ceiling fan whispered above as it turned. Words faded, as Joshua's lips met Alexi's in a hungry kiss, savoring, tongues touching and caressing. He felt Alexi's fingers slip along his waist, caress his hips, his strong thighs and up his back.
Joshua slid loving fingers between Alexi's legs, his touch drawing a soft breath from Alexi. He took Alexi's cock, holding him lightly, squeezing indiscernibly, and waves of pleasure coursing through him when Alexi's fingers raked down his back in reaction. They both trembled. He let go of Alexi and shifted, moving Alexi on his back so that he lay over him.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, kissing his way up, Alexi's torso, nibbling on his flat stomach, each rib, until Alexi squirmed. Alexi sunk fingers into his hair as he came up to kiss the curve of Alexi's neck. "I'll miss your heat, kissing you like this."

"Josh," Alexi sighed turning his head toward him.

Alexi's lips parted, his tongue accepting Joshua's, he tasted the tempting sweetness of red wine clinging to Alexi's lips. More subtle and addicting was Alexi's own unique taste. He sank deeper into the kiss taking everything he could. He shifted again, throwing the covers from the bed onto the floor, his mouth never leaving Alexi's, caging him with his body. He felt Alexi's erection, thick and hard, pressed tight against his stomach and a needy moan escaped.

He moved his mouth across Alexi's chin and down his throat, teeth taking small nips on Alexi's skin, his tongue teasing each sting. He moved lower to Alexi's chest, his tongue found a nipple and licked, caressed the small, spongy nub, probing the base around and around, it responded by changing, firming. He nibbled on it; Alexi's breathing deepened, slender fingers tangling in his hair at the back of his head. He sucked the nipple into his mouth. Alexi arched into his mouth, soft sighs growing stronger, and the grip on his hair strengthened slightly. He sucked more until Alexi whimpered, then guided him to the other, then back again.

He slipped his fingertips down Alexi's stomach to his cock. Alexi parted his legs and gasped when he took him in his hand. He was hard, hot to the touch, swollen with need. Joshua stroked him slowly, making Alexi nip hotly at his neck. With each caress, Alexi's hips surged into his hand, he ran his thumb over the tip, and Alexi gasped, pre-cum coated his fingers.

He slid down Alexi's writhing body, fingers and lips tracing soft skin on Alexi's stomach and along his hips, lightly tickling his nose in silky down, sliding lower, tracing and kissing skin on Alexi's thighs. Alexi's breathing heightened in anticipation and his thighs quivered slightly, parting wide, his cock hard and needy pulsed in Joshua's hand. Alexi gasped in rich pleasure when Joshua touched the tip of his tongue ever so slightly to the tip of his cock. Bathing the tip with his tongue, he felt Alexi's entire body respond. He traced the head with his tongue, his hand stroking Alexi's length slowly before he took him deep into his mouth.

He licked, sucked and stroked, bringing Alexi to the edge, and then pulling him away from the brink. He used his mouth to drive Alexi mad with need, savoring the gasps, and breathless pleas for relief, memorizing each one, when he finally allowed it, Alexi came with a shout, his body trembling, and his skin sweat-slicked. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Alexi reached for him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and leaning up to kiss him. Joshua reached for the lube on the dresser and popped the lid open. He poured a generous amount on his hand and coated his own erection generously. He jerked Alexi's thighs apart, his hands insistent, he pushed the head of his erection against Alexi's tight opening and stilled holding Alexi's gaze with his.

He moved, a short thrust that had Alexi biting his lip as he pushed in a little deeper, stretching him. Alexi gasped and he took his hands, laced their fingers and bent over him, pressing Alexi's hands to the mattress, rocking with another short thrust of his hips, stretching him again as he sank deeper.

"Look at me, Alexi, right now. Look at me."

Brown eyes met his, trapped in their heat, in their lust, their need. Tears filled Alexi's eyes and he leaned forward and took them with a slow caress of his tongue. His own heart squeezed painfully, not knowing when they would be together like this, again. He rocked his hips, his length driving into Alexi, making them one. The few hours left this night weren't going to be enough, not ever enough, he thought in panic holding Alexi close. He wasn't ready to give up the heaven he found with Alexi. Meeting Alexi's lips in a desperate kiss, he gave himself up to their passion and fire. He set a harsh, demanding rhythm, rocking them both into wild streaks of fire. Alexi's sleek channel tight, strangling him, pulsing and throbbing, squeezing him as he thrust again and again, hard thrusts that buried him to the hilt.

Alexi raked fingers down Joshua's back, arching into him. He wrapped his legs around Joshua's hips and moaned when he felt the caress of Joshua's cock stroking over a sensitive knot of nerves, the fierce thrusts of Joshua's hips, the thick cock driving deep into him, burning through him and sending streaks of pleasure through his entire body. Mindless with need, he dropped hot kisses along Joshua's shoulder, biting the curve of his neck when he drove in hard and sent him sailing into an unmerciful orgasm. A blinding wave of pleasure that traveled through his stomach, down to his toes, he held on to Joshua's sweat slicked shoulders as they both cried out in pleasure.

Joshua collapsed over him, breathing roughly. Alexi combed gentle fingers through his damp hair.

"What are we going to do apart?" Alexi asked when he could talk.

Joshua nuzzled his neck, kissing the pulse beating rapidly there, he held himself inside Alexi.

"We don't have to think about that for another couple of hours."

Alexi squirmed under him and he rolled over on to his back holding Alexi against him. He sat up making Alexi wrap his legs around his waist. He traced Alexi's spine, making him arch into his touch.

"When we're here like this, there's nothing to worry about," Joshua said quietly.

Alexi laid his head on his shoulder and kissed the curve of his neck.

"I don't want to leave you," Alexi confessed in a whisper. "This whole week has been surreal, you meeting my parents, going to see Eve, facing Adrian. I keep thinking I'm dreaming."

Joshua tightened his hold on Alexi with a sigh. "I don't want you to leave either."

Alexi shivered. "I'm going to miss walking in the park with you, arguing about nothing."

"We don't argue about nothing," Joshua protested.

Alexi chuckled.

"The endless fantasy vs. logic argument, points and ends on the pizza," he leaned back on Joshua's lap to meet his gaze. "Should I continue?"

Joshua grinned. "Those are perfectly solid arguments."

"What are you going to miss?" Alexi asked locking his arms around his neck.

There were so many things; he couldn't possibly say them all.

He glanced into pleading brown eyes and said, "This, us, here together. I'll miss your cooking for me, listening to you play the piano for me, talking to you..." he trailed off holding Alexi's gaze. "I'll miss you."

Alexi's eyes filled with tears and he sighed pulling him into his arms. Joshua closed his eyes, taking in a shaky breath; he didn't want to think about six o'clock in the morning. Rocking them both, he cleared his throat.

"I love you, Alexi. I love you so much; I don't remember a day when I didn't."

When they kissed again, it was with desperation, they came together with urgency, not ready to give up their closeness just yet, not even when the sun came up.

****

Alexi lay on his side, memorizing Joshua's face. The curve of his eyebrows, his blue eyes, electric blue, he smiled. Like his favorite ice cream, Joshua was his favorite person in the whole world. Those eyes saw deep inside him, saw his heart. He held Joshua's hand against his chest and sighed. They hadn't slept, but he wasn't tired. He didn't want to miss any minute of lying on this bed with Joshua.

"Don't forget me," he murmured.

"Never," Joshua promised.

Alexi nodded and closed his eyes. The alarm on the bedside table went off and he winced. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to leave this bed, this world full of love and comfort. Joshua moved then, reaching beyond him to turn off the alarm. He wrapped his arms around Joshua, hugging him tight, and then he pulled away abruptly, got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

He showered in a daze, dressed without allowing a thought in his head. Joshua was in the kitchen when he finished. Carrying his socks into the kitchen, he sat at the kitchen table and watched Joshua try to pour him coffee. Hands shaking the coffee spilled on the counter, Joshua cursed and Alexi concentrated on wearing his socks and shoes.

When he was done, he stood up and Joshua quit trying to pour coffee. His phone beeped on the table and he ignored it. Joshua braced his hands on the kitchen counter refusing to turn and look at him.

"Josh," Alexi said quietly.

"It won't get easier, will it?" Joshua asked in a husky tone.

Alexi closed the distance between them and hugged Joshua from behind. He pressed his face into Joshua's back.

"We'll see each other soon."

Joshua nodded and cleared his throat. Alexi's phone buzzed again prompting Joshua to turn within his embrace.

"Time to go, babe," Joshua said.

Alexi leaned up to kiss Joshua's jaw, his lips. The doorbell rang and he sighed stepping away from Joshua. Alexi took his phone from the kitchen table, met Joshua's gaze one last time before he headed for the front door.

"Alexi," Joshua called when he touched the door handle, he turned just as Joshua reached him.

Enveloping him in his arms, Joshua kissed him, and the tears he'd been ruthlessly holding back spilled over. Joshua pushed him against the wall and he remembered the first time they'd made love. All those days ago when everything had been so new, his heart trembling with budding love, now his heart ached, ached with grief. He didn't want to leave Joshua. He broke the kiss and buried his face in Joshua's shoulder.

"I love you." Joshua whispered into his ear.

"I love you." He managed, aware that if they kept holding each other he wouldn't leave, he jerked out of Joshua's arms and pulled the door open. He ran out of the house, past the disgruntled driver, and blindly flung himself into the backseat of the town car.

***

Twenty-Four

A cold draft swept through Joshua's veins, angry butterflies rolled in his stomach. This hateful feeling inside him grew the longer he sat in the stiff conference room looking at Sherry. Memories of their divorce filled his brain and for a moment, he felt as though he was back to that time, losing his heart and all that mattered to him again. They sat across each other at a short rectangular table: the mediator taking the head of the table.

Their mediator was a nice blond woman in her late forties named Beatrice Dunham. Joshua liked her gentle way. She never raised her voice and always listened to both side. She kept a calm air, never accusing or judging. She'd walked them through the procedures of mediation, nudging them to explore the reasons why he and Sherry needed to talk and come to a solution outside the court for the sake of Shane.

Despite Beatrice's support, it was hard to remain positive; too much of his past returned when he looked at Sherry.

"Joshua," Beatrice said with a patient tone.

Joshua shifted in his seat and gave Beatrice his attention.

"Silence is not the answer," Beatrice said looking at him then turning to Sherry. "You're both tiptoeing around the impact your divorce had on your lives. A lot of things changed because of that, and you're both angry, if you don't talk about it, this mediation process will only get harder."

"Sherry is happily married," Joshua said quietly. "If she lets me see Shane, then there won't be a problem. Dredging up the past is useless."

Sherry scoffed, looking at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"Useless?" she asked with a frown. "The reason we're seated here right now is because of our divorce."

"I know that, but do we have to keep talking about it?" Joshua asked tired of the past.

They'd covered the events leading up to the divorce and afterwards until he just wanted to go home and sleep.

"Sherry, what is on your mind?" Beatrice asked looking at her. "Obviously there is something Joshua has said that has made you angry."

Sherry shook her head and leaned her elbows on the table.

Her red-rimmed eyes met Joshua's and she said, "I loved you, Josh. I loved being your wife and the family we created together with Shane. I didn't expect you'd run off the moment you found out the truth about Shane. You walked out on me without giving me a chance to explain-,"

"You lied to me, Sherry," Joshua said when she broke off. "I gave you five years, lived as a different man, giving you and Shane everything I could. Only to find out you lied to me so that we could get married. I was angry and hurt. We were in a bad place and I just couldn't do it anymore."

"So, you decided to become gay." Sherry said in accusation disgust written all over her face.

"I was always gay," Joshua said.

"If you were gay, then why did you marry me?" Sherry demanded. "You can't sit there and tell me you felt nothing for me. We slept in the same bed. How do you-,"

"How could I? You must have known something. Why else would you have to trick me into marriage?" Joshua cut her off with a glare, "I stayed for my son. The summer you and I went home together and you got pregnant; I was preparing to come out. But before I could tell anyone, you told me you were pregnant. You knew that I wouldn't abandon my son. So, I married you, for the sake of our child."

Joshua dropped his gaze to the table and sighed.

"Sometimes I wonder if things wouldn't have turned out different if I'd just gone ahead and told you at the start. I spent so much time denying who I really was; it wasn't easy for me to come out, Sherry."

"You're trying to tell me you made a sacrifice and married me for Shane's sake. That's rich, Josh. You're no saint in this situation," Sherry said bitterly.

"You're right. I probably should have told you about me from the beginning. I wish I had more than you know," Joshua said looking up to meet her angry gaze. "I'd like you to know that I don't regret our marriage. Not one bit, Sherry. When Shane was born, and I saw him in your arms, every problem we had just seemed insignificant. I loved him at first sight, and you gave me that gift."

"Then why did you walk away," Sherry asked her eyes filled with tears. "We would have made it work somehow."

"We weren't working, Sherry. You and I, we were hurting each other more than two people should," Joshua said sadly. "In the hospital when I found about Shane, I was angry with you for betraying me. I'd given up myself for a woman who didn't have a problem lying to me. I just wanted my life back. I tried to make you understand, I really did, but you wouldn't listen. Instead, you punished me."

"How did I punish you?" Sherry scoffed. "You're not the one who was embarrassed by the fact that your husband had turned gay. It was me who had to explain to my family and all our friends that you were no longer married to me because you were now gay."

"Why do you say it like that?" Joshua asked with a frown. "As though my being gay is a disease or something, I'm proud of whom I am, Sherry. I'm happy that I don't have to hide my sexuality anymore because that hurt more than I can explain."

"You didn't care what your happiness would do to me or Shane or how people would look at us."

"Not Shane," Joshua said. "Shane isn't ashamed of me, Sherry. You can't stand who I am, and because of that, you kept me away from our son. You're the one who wanted me to be someone that I'm not."

Sherry looked away and he turned to Beatrice.

"She's never going to accept me," he said painfully.

The pain in his voice was hard to hide. He couldn't help remembering the first time he'd told his family the truth. Their rejection still fresh in his memories, he sighed and tried to shake it off, the past was too close.

"This anger she's carrying around, made sure I didn't get a chance to see Shane."

"I didn't do it on purpose," Sherry said.

"You're the one who filed an order of protection against me knowing that it would force me out of the house and Shane's life."

Sherry shook her head.

"Do you remember what you were like those days? Drunk, angry, we fought every chance we met. I was afraid of you, Josh. My lawyer gave me the easiest solution."

"It was a malicious easy way out," Joshua said angry at the problems the order had brought him.

"Okay, why don't we take a minute," Beatrice said. "Joshua, Sherry has made an effort here. With the help of your lawyer, you've managed to reverse the Order of Protection. Sherry, how do you feel about letting Shane see Joshua?"

Sherry sighed and opened her bag. She got a packet of tissues and used one to blow her nose. Joshua took in a deep breath when she turned red-rimmed eyes to him. He hadn't expected she'd react this way, when they'd been divorcing, he'd thought her a cold-hearted bitch.

"You have to understand, Josh. Things at home are complicated for me. Mitch, Shane's biological father, doesn't think this is a good idea. He's also trying to fit into Shane's world and having you around-,"

"I'm not asking to move back into your house," Joshua cut her off with a frown. "I love Shane too; a few hours with him won't interfere with Mitch. Besides, aren't you the reason why Mitch doesn't like me?"

"The way you talk," Sherry said sadly. "It's as though I'm the villain. This is twice as hard for me as it is for you. Shane constantly asks about you, and when he does, Mitch is hurt because it feels as though Shane has placed you on a pedestal and there's no room for both you and Mitch. It's very difficult to keep a balance that won't hurt them both."

"I understand," Joshua said. "Nevertheless, I just want to be in Shane's life, Sherry. There is nothing wrong with having two fathers. Shane has lots of love to go around."

"I've spent time in Shane's company and he is a very impressionable young boy. He is also smart and knows what he wants." Beatrice glanced at Sherry and smiled. "He understands that you're apart, and that Mitch is his step-father while Joshua is his Dad."

Joshua felt a sense of pride at those words.

Beatrice continued. "Shane is an intelligent boy. I think the problem here lies with the adults. Sherry, the question I asked you is how you feel about Joshua seeing Shane. Not what your husband feels."

Sherry looked at him with an unreadable expression and he felt tight cords tighten in his stomach. The last time a judge had asked her this question she'd made unreasonable accusations.

"Shane admires Joshua. I have to admit that he's not the same man he was when we divorced. He's changed a lot," Sherry said grudgingly.

"Joshua, can you forgive Sherry for the past?" Beatrice asked him.

When he looked at her, she explained.

"I've listened to you and Sherry this afternoon and the one thing I've picked up on is that you've bottled up a lot of resentment toward Sherry. You're angry with her for not accepting your sexuality, for keeping you away from Shane. Do you think you can put that in the past?"

Joshua sat back in his chair and stared at the woman he'd come to hate these past five years. She looked fragile in a black V-neck dress that clung to her slim figure. Her hair held back in a tight ponytail. The anger was still there, under the surface, he thought with a sigh. Always rolling deep inside him, she'd taken away a lot of time with Shane. Time he could never make up.

"I can work toward putting the past behind us," Joshua said turning to Beatrice. "It won't happen overnight, but I can promise to work toward a cordial relationship, for Shane's sake."

"What about you, Sherry?" Beatrice asked looking at Sherry.

Sherry bunched her tissue in her hands and shrugged.

"I will work toward it too," she said in a quiet voice.

"Good," Beatrice said with a small sigh. "We're left with an evaluation of your house, Joshua. If Shane is to sleep over your house, we need to make sure that you have space for him. After that evaluation, then we'll know what the next step is."

"When do I get to see Shane?" Joshua asked needing to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

"Soon," Beatrice said, giving him a small smile. "Sherry, I'll stop by to talk with Shane, you and your husband one last time before our next session."

Beatrice gathered her documents and stood. Joshua followed suit and took her hand when she offered it.

"We made progress today," she said kindly. "I know it might not seem like it, but talking it out makes things clear for everyone. Joshua, I'll call your lawyer and arrange the evaluation date."

"Thank you, Mrs. Dunham," Joshua said. She smiled and turned to Sherry who also shook her hand.

"Alright, time to head to my next appointment. I'll keep in touch," Beatrice said and left the conference room in a hurry.

The moment the door closed, Joshua turned to look at Sherry at a loss. He hadn't talked to her much since their divorce. Their meetings always arranged by their lawyers, he sighed and pushed his chair back.

"Give Shane my love," Joshua said quietly and turned to leave.

"Are you really happy?" Sherry asked startling him. "I mean, being..." she broke off and he turned to find her fiddling with her bag. "Have you found a p-partner?"

Joshua nodded.

"Yeah," he said thinking of Alexi.

"Does h-he love you?" she asked staring at him with that unreadable expression again.

Joshua nodded. "He tells me so three times a day, I believe he does."

She nodded and picked up her handbag.

"That's good," she said and started for the door too.

"Sherry," he said quietly. "What about you? Does Mitch make you happy?"

She paused at the door and turned to look at him.

"Happy enough," she said sadly.

He didn't get a chance to question her farther as she quickly opened the door and left without another glance.

He sighed and shook his head. This wasn't going to get easier, he thought with a sigh. Malcolm, his lawyer, met him as he left the conference room.

"Beatrice says you two had a good talk today," Malcolm said as he walked him to the elevator.

"Sherry didn't fly off the wall and was even reasonable to a point," Joshua said with a sigh. "I'm hoping we reach a solution soon."

"Just keep holding on," Malcolm said punching the elevator button. "How is Shane's bedroom going?"

"We're almost finished; my sister went shopping with me yesterday. I still have to put a dresser together, and then we'll be ready."

"Good, I'll call you when Beatrice calls me," Malcolm promised. "Take care of yourself, Professor."

Joshua nodded and smiled as the elevator doors opened. "Thank you, Malcolm."

He headed home after leaving Malcolm's office building. His brain too tired to deal with anything else. His phone buzzed just as he unlocked his front door. He answered without looking at the caller ID. Closing the door behind him, he leaned on it when he heard Alexi.

"Is it good morning for you too?" Alexi asked in a teasing voice.

"Afternoon," he answered slowly sinking to the floor.

He pressed his phone to his ear and closed his eyes.

"I'm so happy to hear your voice, baby. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah," Alexi said with a small yawn. "I dreamt about you. I woke up and I just wanted to hear your voice."

Joshua smiled.

"That's the way it should be. Every morning, you should call me first, that way you'll have a good day."

"I like that, but why do you sound so down?" Alexi asked. "You're not as excited as you should be to hear me. What's wrong?"

Joshua leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "I just came back from talking with Sherry and the mediator."

"Oh Josh," Alexi said with a sigh. "How was it?"

"Tough, I didn't realize how much anger I'm still carrying around. Today, it flooded out and I just-," he broke off and closed his eyes again. "Alexi, I really miss you."

"I'm here for you, Josh. Talk to me, tell me what you need."

"Do you think it was selfish of me to give up my marriage with Sherry?" he asked.

Sherry's words still lingered in his thoughts. She'd insisted they'd have made their marriage work. Maybe he had let Shane and Sherry down.

"I mean-,"

"No," Alexi said abruptly. "Josh, you made the right decision. Don't ever doubt that."

"What about Shane? I let him down by walking away. If I'd stayed married to her this wouldn't be happening."

"You listen to me, Joshua Randolph. You're the bravest man I know. I love the fact that you chose to be honest with yourself. I'm proud of you because I'm very sure living a lie would have turned you into a very bitter man. The handsome, strong Josh I know and love wouldn't exist, you'd spend most of your time denying yourself, and wishing for a change. As you are now, you're someone Shane can look up to, Josh. When you tell him to follow his heart, he'll know you're right because that's what you did and look where it got you."

"Where is that?" Joshua asked in amusement.

"With a handsome boyfriend who loves you, and calls you every time he wakes up," Alexi answered with a small laugh. "Seriously, Josh, don't you think that's great?"

"I think you're tooting your own horn," Joshua accused.

"I haven't had my coffee yet," Alexi said. "And you're forcing me to deal with such heavy topics before I am conscious. I don't have to remind you how much I love you and how much I respect the Joshua Randolph who bravely chose a different path, even with all the obligations you had at the time. I don't ever want to hear you say you let anyone down, Joshua. You did the best you could, and you're still trying hard to be there for Shane."

Joshua rubbed his eyes with his left hand at a loss. His insides melting, as they always did when Alexi got this way, how had he gotten so lucky?

"What am I going to do?" he asked.

"Why?" Alexi asked.

"You're so far away and I really want to kiss you senseless right now."

Alexi laughed, the happy, joyful sound sweeping the day's troubles away.

"I miss you too. You'll just have to come and kiss me senseless the day of my first concert."

"You mean go to Tokyo?" he asked in surprise. "Isn't it too late, your concert is in two weeks, I haven't-

"Have you met Lily? She's a miracle worker. She'll handle all the paperwork," Alexi assured him. "All you have to say is that you'll come."

"Of course, I have to see you get back on stage." The past two weeks were a form of torture he'd never experienced before. Missing Alexi was crippling.

"Okay, Lily is knocking on the door, I have to go," Alexi said sadly. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, after that speech how could I not be? Go work, and rehearse," Joshua said. "I love you, Alexi."

"I love you too." Alexi hung up soon after and Joshua got off the floor with renewed energy. He had a dresser to complete in the guest room.

***

"We can hang a New York Giants poster on the wall above his bed." Alicia suggested as she arranged new t-shirts in the dresser he'd finished assembling at three am the night before.

"But he likes trains too, I think we should have a little bit of everything," Joshua said leaning on the wall beside the dresser.

The medium sized bed in the middle of the room had a dark blue cover that matched the sheets and the pillows. Alicia had insisted they paint the wall a lighter blue to make it bright. The carpet on the floor was a fuzzy deep blue. He'd added a desk with a lamp in one corner and the shelves they'd put on the other side of the wall were empty. He'd wanted to fill them with books, but had thought not. This was Shane's room; Shane would put whatever he wanted on the shelves.

Alicia finished keeping the clothes and closed the drawers. "Wow, the place is taking shape. When is the evaluation?"

"Malcolm hasn't called yet," Joshua said.

Alicia moved to sit on the edge of the bed and looked around the room.

"I don't think she'll have a problem with the room. Your kitchen though, that might be a problem. You haven't gone shopping."

Joshua shrugged. "I'll make sure to stock the fridge the day before she comes for the evaluation. Besides, I'd never make Shane starve."

"Shane is not the one I'm worried about." Alicia crossed her legs under her on the bed. "Have you talked to Alexi?"

Joshua nodded. "Every day, I'd promised myself never to get Skype, but with Alexi so far away, it's the best solution. It's also cheaper."

"Two weeks, you two are strong," Alicia said shaking her head. "A long distance relationship is going to be tough."

"We'll make it," Joshua said quietly.

He had to believe that because without that hope he was going to lose his mind.

****

Alexi's alarm went off at four-thirty in the morning, jerking him out of a delicious dream. Sitting up with a sigh, he slammed his palm on the off button and crawled out of bed. He wiped his hand down his face, missing Joshua, missing his morning kisses and hugs. He dreamt of Joshua every time he closed his eyes.

By five o'clock, he was showered, dressed and on his way out of his hotel room. Lily waited in a black van at the front entrance. She held out a cup of coffee as he settled in the back. The coffee was good; enough to wake him up and clear his head.

"Awake?" Lily asked beside him.

"Enough," he replied rubbing his eyes.

"Good. We're starting with AM live on XFM, and then heading to Jwave for their nine to ten show. Both hosts are running a fifteen-minute special with you. You'll answer questions from fans on live radio. After that, we have an appointment with Takada Yamamoto. You're having a photo shoot with him for the Oricon magazine; of course they'll ask you a few questions."

Alexi sipped his coffee and listened to Lily narrate his busy schedule. Journalists, T.V. hosts, radio talk shows, she and the PR team had planned an ambitious campaign. He barely had a moment to breath between appointments. He had ten days until the concert, ten days and he'd see Joshua.

"At two-thirty, we head back to the Tokyu Theater Orb for practice. Remember, the crew from Osaka TV is on site. They are working with our crew in order to broadcast the concert. They've asked Mariko Hondo to do your interview."

"Mariko Hondo," Alexi said his eyes wide when he turned to Lily.

Mariko Hondo had written the flaming article about his degenerating talent. Her words, read by the nation, had undone him last year. They had been the last straw.

"I won't do it," he said shaking his head. "I'm not facing that woman. They find another journalist or I'm canceling the Osaka special."

Lily sighed and closed her diary.

"Don't do this," she said in exasperation. "We can't cancel the Osaka special. Too much has gone into preparing it to turn back now. Alexi-,"

"She broke me," Alexi cut in. "Last year, in the middle of that mess with my stage fright, that woman's article broke me."

"All the more reason to face her," Lily said. She touched his arm. "Show her a different side of you. How much you love music."

"Does she even understand music?" Alexi scoffed.

He couldn't forget Mariko's article, the words she'd used: mediocre and uninspiring, had haunted him every time he sat behind a piano to play a new composition. How could he sit across her and spill his guts?

"She's good at her job. Just think of this as a test. Can you face her, Alexi? If you're better and feel confident with your music, can you change Mariko's opinion? Don't you think that would be a better revenge?" Lily asked meeting his mutinous gaze.

Was he ready, he wondered?

"I don't like this," he said after a moment. "My head is in a good place. Mariko seems the type to come after me just to see the color of my tears. She could destroy the balance I've gained so far. Be realistic, I haven't yet gone before an audience. Are you sure we should have Mariko around that first night? What if something goes wrong?"

"Are you planning to break down?" Lily asked with a sigh. "Alexi, think about this a little longer. I'll push her appointment back to tomorrow morning. Call Dr. Marshall if you need to, but I have a question for you, Alexi. Can you allow Mariko Hondo to piss on your music and not take the chance to make her regret her article?"

The van pulled into the XFM building parking lot and he didn't get a chance to reply to Lily's question. She got out and he followed, throwing his empty coffee cup in a trashcan. He stretched his arms above his head and got ready for another hectic day in Tokyo.

****

His phone buzzed at around ten o'clock. The hair stylist working with Takada Yamamoto had his hair in clumps. Unlocking the screen, he grinned wide when he saw a message from Joshua. His brother had set up Skype on his phone so that he and Joshua could connect any time.

What are you doing? Joshua asked.

The make-up artist touched up his skin with a brush and stepped away so the hair stylist could work.

'Stripping for a photo shoot,' Alexi answered.

' _What!'_

He chuckled and replied, 'Wanna see?'

' _Of course, there had better not be another guy ogling you.'_

Alexi grinned and looked at the hair stylist. "Hey, let's take a picture for my special friend."

She smiled and moved closer as he took a picture with his phone. He thanked her and sent the photo to Joshua.

'Sexy,' Joshua wrote back. "She wants you."

Alexi laughed and looked at his hair stylist. She shrieked because she was holding a pair of scissors.

"I could have ruined your hair cut," she exclaimed scowling at him.

Alexi apologized and returned his attention back to his phone.

'She's not my type. What are you doing?'

' _Writing that book I never finished.'_

' _I never got to read it.'_

' _But you only read steamy romance novels.'_

' _Hey, I can read literature on ancient Japanese people if you're writing it.'_

'That's sweet; Alexi, but I know what you read, babe. Your stash is in my bedroom shelf and it's not literature on ancient anything.'

'It could be." Alexi put in a smiley face and continued. 'How was your day?'

' _School started, met my many students and I have a new teaching assistant.'_

Alexi frowned.

'Is it a guy or girl?' Alexi asked.

'A guy," Joshua replied with a smiley face.

'Is he staying at your place like Tim used to?'

' _He could, it would help him with bills but no, he has a place to stay.'_

Alexi sighed in relief.  'I'm glad.'

' _Were you jealous?'_

'Of course,' Alexi wrote back. 'Those students might find you interesting then where would I be?'

'I think I'm the one who should be worried. I've watched a few interviews you've done online. Your fan meet last week is popular. They love you there, Alexi, loads of fans, all wishing to marry you.'

'You're the one who has my heart. You know that, right?'

' _I know.'_

'Are you ready to come for my first concert? Lily has planned your every move that day.'

'She called me earlier. My visa is ready, and the flight tickets. I can't wait to see you perform.'

'I can't wait to see you,' Alexi wrote. 'Three weeks and it feels like months.'

'For me too, I'll be there,' Joshua promised.

'I have to go; the photographer is ready for me. Maybe I should ask him to do a private session, send you those nude photos you wanted.'

'I'd love that very much,' Joshua wrote back. 'On the other hand, no, I don't think so. I can't stand the thought of someone seeing you that way. You're mine, Alexi.'

Alexi closed his eyes, his heart squeezing tight at that little declaration. He loved the idea of belonging to someone, to Joshua.

' _Okay, I won't ask.'_

' _Call me when you're done.'_

'But you'll be sleeping. It has to be nine o'clock at night there.'

'I don't mind. I wanna hear your voice before I sleep.'

' _Okay.'_

The hairstylist finished with his hair and removed the wrap they'd put over his clothes. Standing up, he glanced in the mirror and smiled. He liked his new look. His hair was no longer long, cut neatly to frame his face. The hairdresser had also redone his color into a sandy brown that reminded him of the beach.

"Alexi-san," Takada, the photographer, wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "you ready?"

Alexi turned off his phone and slipped it into his pocket. He nodded and allowed Takada to lead him to a black metallic bench set against a pristine white backdrop. They spent the next two hours together. Takada was easy to work with and he gave instructions without being bossy.

"You've been away from the stage for at least a year and a half. How do feel about getting back?" Takada asked him when they finished taking pictures.

Alexi settled on the comfortable high stool and said, "Exhilarated and nervous at the same time. I'm also grateful."

"Why grateful," Takada asked.

"I'm grateful because the tickets to my concerts are sold out. That bit of news made me so happy to know that I have loyal fans who have been patient with me. I'm grateful that they'll come listen to my music again even after such a long time."

"What is different about this concert compared to last year?" Takada asked.

Alexi thought about last year. He'd been hurt, betrayed, and heartbroken. This time, he had Joshua, they might not be together, but just knowing that Joshua loved him gave him so much strength.

"I feel that this concert is full of hope," Alexi answered truthfully. "I've written a lot of new music this past summer. Uplifting music written from a happy place, so I'm looking forward to sharing that with everyone and having fun on stage. We've worked hard to create an energetic performance, practicing with the Tokyo Philharmonic orchestra has been amazing, and their passion just fuels me to get on stage every day."

"Hearing your excitement makes me very eager to see your concert," Takada said with a wide smile. "On a personal note, this year you spent time in New York composing music for a film. Can you tell us more about your experience?"

"I got the chance to get back to the basics, focus on the music and composition. New York was an enlightening experience and I'm glad I went. My hope is that I captured the essence of the story in the movie and when the Night Guardians movie comes out, that everyone will be happy with the end result."

"In a recent poll you and your brother, Phillip Kotaru, were listed as the most eligible bachelors in Japan. Since your brother is planning to get married soon, should we expect wedding news from you too?"

Alexi laughed.

"No, I haven't thought about marriage just yet. Right now, I'm just happy to maintain a relationship; if it lasts and turns into marriage then I'll be as lucky as my brother."

"Does that mean there is someone special in your life?"

Alexi smiled secretively and replied, "There is someone very close to my heart. But, I'm the selfish type and so I won't share who it is just yet."

"That will certainly send everyone in a frenzy to find out who it is," Takada joked.

"I can imagine." Alexi gave him a short bow and smiled. "Please forgive me for now."

"Can you at least tell us where you met? What kind of first time meeting did you have?"

"An unexpected one," Alexi said with a small chuckle. "I was running through a park, exercising, when this someone knocked me over and to this day, hasn't let me go."

Takada laughed. "That does sound unexpected. What is the message you'd love to give to your fans?"

"I thank them for their continued support. And promise to keep playing music that will move their hearts for as long as I can."

Takada nodded and turned off the tape recorder he was using. Alexi jumped off the stool and shook his hand.

"Thank you for coming today," Takada said.

"It was my pleasure," Alexi said.

"We need to get going." Lily took his elbow and led him out of the studio. "Peter is waiting at the hotel. You can have lunch with him, and then we'll rush over to the theater."

****

At the Cerulean Tower Hotel, Alexi walked into a private dining room on the first floor to find Peter Wilson, his agent, already waiting.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Peter," Alexi said when Peter stood to shake his hand.

"No trouble," Peter said indicating the empty seat for him. "How was the photo shoot with Takada-san?"

"Fun, he made me laugh a lot," Alexi said as he settled down. "What did you order? I'm starving. Lily is working me without feeding me."

"Teriyaki," Peter said with a smile. "Don't worry, I told them to bring the food right away."

"Good," Alexi said. "So, tell me why we're here."

"Osaka special," Peter said firmly. "The station won't choose another host. Mariko Hondo is their star."

"I won't face her," Alexi said shaking his head. "This concert is important to me, Peter. The first after that whole fiasco last year, there is no way I'll have her following me backstage, doing her best to drive me crazy."

"She's a jackal, that is true, but if we insist they change her, it will turn into a PR nightmare," Peter insisted. "Please, just accept to do this."

"No," Alexi shook his head.

The door opened and their waiter walked in, the scent of food made his stomach growl in anticipation. He dug into his food when the waiter placed his plate before him. He glanced up to find Peter watching him.

"What, I haven't eaten anything all day."

"You're being unreasonable," Peter accused. "What happened to the nice guy who left for New York in March?"

"He learned to say no." Alexi said chewing on a piece of his grilled chicken.

"Is it true?" Peter asked him.

"What is true?"

"That you're in love," Peter said. "Lily is moving mountains getting a visa for one Joshua Randolph. She's only ever done that for Adrian."

Alexi smiled.

"He's everything."

When he saw Peter raise his eyebrow with doubt, he continued.

"I figured you'd think I've lost my mind. Josh is important to me. I'm telling you now because he's in my life for good if I have anything to say about it."

Peter nodded in understanding. "We'll jump that hurdle when we get to it."

"It's not a hurdle, Peter. He's in my life, and I'm not hiding him. I'd like to make that clear."

Alexi looked up from his food when Peter chuckled.

"What?"

"Alexander Kotaru, you are your father's son. Do you realize you never gave me this speech when you were dating Adrian? I'd like to meet this Joshua."

"You will soon," Alexi said with a small smile.

Peter nodded and picked up his coffee.

"Back to the Osaka special, why are you afraid of this woman?"

"I'm not afraid of her," Alexi said.

"Yes, you are," Peter said pushing his plate aside. "You're terrified of her, and I'm not sure whether that is a good thing."

"Maybe it is a good thing," Alexi said. "You're just not seeing it from my point of view. I'm not afraid of getting on stage, Peter. The rehearsals are going so great; I don't want to ruin it by adding Mariko Hondo. She destroyed my self-confidence last year. Can you try to change her please?"

Peter studied him for a moment then nodded.

"Fine, but you have to promise to think about this more. We have ten more days before the concert; I'll talk to the producer this afternoon. But, keep in mind that Mariko will fight this."

***

Alexi concentrated on rehearsals pushing all thoughts of a TV crew following him for a whole weekend away. His anxiety increased when they were down to four days to the concert. The only thing that made him happy was seeing Joshua. Lily had given him Joshua's itinerary. He was supposed to arrive Friday afternoon, and leave in the evening on Sunday. Not nearly enough time, but he would take what he could get. Picking up his green tea, he leaned back in his chair and concentrated on the concert program. He was playing through a solo piano piece in his head when Lily walked into the dining room.

"Page six," Lily said holding out the Wednesday morning paper. "Mariko has written an article about you. She's not happy about your refusal to let her host the Osaka special. She's been doing research on you. Your work with the Night Guardians project and the girl, Jenny, she's going to run an interview with Jenny tomorrow."

Alexi stared at his picture on page six with a sigh. "Why is she doing this?"

Lily paced the length of the dining table in his suite.

"Peter talked with the producer of the show. He's trying to get her replaced, but it's difficult. She's the one who initiated the special idea."

"What now?" Alexi asked putting the paper on the table.

"Say you'll do the special."

"Or what, she'll write more punishing articles about me?" Alexi asked skimming the article. "Look at this, '...Kotaru-san seems to have found his inspiration composing behind closed doors, but whether he can still deliver on stage we'll see on Friday night...' She's baiting me."

Alexi balled the newspaper and threw it into the trash. He hated journalists sometimes. Their judgmental ways, what had he ever done to Mariko Hondo?

"Let me call her," Lily said. "She can meet us at the Tokyu Theater Orb and you two can have a short talk this afternoon."

"We could just ignore the article," Alexi shrugged.

Lily looked at him with a closed expression obviously not happy about his decision. He sighed and sat back in his chair. It wasn't his fault, his default was running away; things were always easier if you steered away from trouble.

Alexi sighed and stood up.

"Your silence scares me more than my mother, Lily. Fine, we'll have a small talk before rehearsals start. If I don't like what she says, she leaves."

"Good decision, now, we're headed for brunch with your father's associates after that a fan meet, and then we'll go for rehearsals, let's go."

She pushed off the table and headed out of the dining room.

****

They found the stage crew hard at work when they got to the Tokyu Theater Orb that afternoon. They only had Thursday left to find any faults in the production, Friday everything had to be in place, lighting, sets, they'd prepared for every contingency but even backup plans needed backup.

Alexi left Lily talking to the director and went to the stage where a black grand piano stood. The orchestra would join him soon, but for now, he was alone. Taking his phone from his pocket, he tried calling Joshua, but there was no answer. Not surprised, he put his cell phone on top of the piano and sat down on the bench. It had to be around one o'clock in the morning in New York. Gods, what he'd give to be lying next to Joshua, he shook his head and ran his fingers over the piano keys.

Closing his eyes, he could imagine the feel of Joshua's fingers combing through his hair. Remember his scent, the soft touch of Joshua's lips against his, he held on to that image, missing him. His phone buzzed robbing him of the memory. He reached for the gadget blindly and answered.

"You gave up so easily. You should have tried calling again."

Joshua purred into his ear, he sounded sleepy.

Alexi closed the cover on the piano and leaned on it. "Were you sleeping?"

"Yeah, was dreaming you came back here. I miss holding you," Joshua said sleepily.

Alexi sighed and closed his eyes. "I miss you holding me too."

"You sound tired. What's wrong?"

He shook his head and swallowed hard. "Nothing is wrong, just working. You should go back to sleep."

"Alexi," Joshua said, his voice traveling through Alexi. "I can tell when you're having a hard time."

Alexi chuckled. "How do you know when I'm so far away?"

"I know you, Alexi. I can tell when you're unhappy," Joshua said. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Of course," Alexi promised. "Stop worrying, I'm just dealing with a pest problem."

"What kind of pest problem?"

"You remember that conversation we had about aged wine and how it gets better with time?"

"The journalist who hated your music," Joshua said with a sigh. "What happened?"

"She wants to host a national Television special Friday night. I'll have to sit across her and have an actual conversation with her." Alexi shuddered at the idea. "I can't do it."

"What does Lily think?" Joshua asked gently.

Alexi sighed. "She thinks I should do it."

"Alexi."

The way Joshua said his name made him feel like he was sitting right next to him. If he were to close his eyes, Alexi bit his lip; he could almost imagine Joshua beside him.

"I've heard you play a thousand times. I miss watching you play the piano. You're confident, talented and you shouldn't allow this woman to intimidate you."

"I'm not letting her intimidate me." Alexi scowled at the shiny black surface of the grand piano. "I don't trust her."

"All the more reason to meet with her," Joshua said. "Get to know the kind of person she is, be yourself, show her a different side from the one she judged before."

"You sound like Lily."

Joshua chuckled and Alexi heard him start to yawn.

"I'm keeping you awake," Alexi said with a sigh. "Go to sleep, Josh."

"Play for me," Joshua said sleepily.

Alexi smiled. "What if you fall asleep?"

"Well, then you'll have done your job. I miss listening to you."

Alexi put his phone on speaker and opened the piano. He chose to play I giorni (the days) by Ludovico, because it made him nostalgic. Missing the nights with Joshua the most, he played soothing Joshua to sleep, wishing he were there with him. He played until a soft touch on his shoulder pulled him out of the spell.

"Kotaru-san?" an unfamiliar voice said.

He turned to find a short woman with long black hair flowing down her back watching him. Her face was familiar; he froze as he realized Mariko Hondo had come looking for him. Reaching for his phone, he ended the call to Joshua. She'd interrupted a private moment.

"I've intruded," she said in apology giving him a short bow. "The crew said you were practicing and I wanted to hear."

Putting his phone in his pocket, Alexi closed the piano and pushed back the bench.

"How may I help you, Ms. Hondo?"

"I wanted us to meet in person," she said in a polite tone. "Your manager sent me in to talk to you."

Standing up, Alexi returned her short bow. Since she was here, he looked around the stage.

"Where do we start?" he asked.

****

"Beatrice wants to meet with you on Friday, at eleven in the morning. Your evaluation was positive," Malcolm Deveraux, told Joshua on Thursday morning. "I don't want you to get your hopes up, but this could be the decision we've been waiting for."

Joshua stared at the Japan Air tickets on his desk.

"Can't she reschedule to next week? I wanted to make a trip."

"I tried," Malcolm said. "I'm well aware of your trip to see Alexi. Unfortunately, she squeezed us in because she has a busy schedule next week. Joshua, waiting could derail the whole process."

He sighed.

"I understand, I'll be there," he said quietly.

"Be strong, Joshua," Malcolm urged. "I'll wait for you at my office, alright."

"Sure, Malcolm, thank you," Joshua ended the call and sat staring at the tickets.

Rubbing his forehead, he dialed Lily's number.

"Josh, are you worried about your flight?" she greeted with a smile in her voice. "Don't worry; I'll have someone waiting for you at the airport-

"Lily, I can't-," he stopped with a sigh. "I can't make it tomorrow."

"Why?" Lily asked in surprise. "Josh, everything is set, Alexi is so looking forward to seeing you."

"Malcolm called me; I have to meet with the mediator on Friday. Even if I was to say I want to fly over and come back, I won't make it." Joshua shook his head disappointment threatening to suffocate him. "I can't ignore this meeting."

Lily sighed on her side. "Do you want me to tell Alexi?"

"No, I'll explain, but-," he picked up the tickets, "I hope these tickets are refundable."

"Don't worry about those, hang on to them, we can use them on another date."

"I'm sorry-,"

"Don't apologize. Shane is important to you," Lily said quickly. "I'm sure Alexi will understand. I have to go now, take care, Josh."

****

Thursday afternoon, Joshua sat at the dining table at his house, typing furiously in his laptop. Words tumbled out of his brain too fast for his fingers. He'd returned from the college ready to work, a glass of juice at his elbow, he typed up the notes he'd written during the staff meeting earlier. The sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts and he frowned when Alicia called out.

"Josh?"

He heard her close the door and shuffle into the house.

"Where are you hiding?"

"In here," he said keeping up his typing.

He'd started working on his book when Alexi had left. It was an easy way to ignore how empty his bed was. Sometimes when they talked, like last night, sleep escaped and he used the book to distract himself.

Alexi's first concert was in hours, he'd have been there by now, he thought. His ticket and passport still sat on top of his research notes on the table. He had hated explaining to Alexi that he couldn't make it. Alexi had sounded so disappointed; he'd wanted to run straight to the airport.

"I'm sorry Alexi; I really want to be there with you."

"I understand," Alexi had said. "I really do, Shane is important. Fight for him. Did Malcolm tell you what Beatrice wants?"

"I can only hope she's finally going to approve my petition. She has been meeting with Shane and apparently, he wants to see me very much. She says Sherry and I need to prove that we can look past our differences."

"I'm sure she'll approve. Josh, don't worry about me," Alexi soothed. "We'll make it work, okay. I love you."

"I love you too," Joshua said although he had felt like he was betraying Alexi.

He'd wanted to stand on the wings of the stage as Alexi stepped out to greet his audience. Seen him take his bow and sit on the piano. After watching Alexi struggle through his panic attacks this summer, he'd have loved to watch Alexi step out on stage with confidence and play his music. Shaking his head, he rubbed his eyes and gave a deep sigh.

"Did you eat?" Alicia interrupted his thoughts as she came into the dining room. "There is nothing in your fridge again. You're not taking care of yourself."

"Alicia," he greeted her saving his work. "Did you run away from the office again?"

She sighed and held out a brown bag from a food van.

"I shopped for some groceries. I figured you'd returned to your old ways without Alexi around. You're not suited to live alone."

Joshua smiled and reached for the bag. Dinner for one was solitary and lonely, every time he stood in the kitchen he remembered Alexi watering the herbs Alicia had planted, or making sandwiches on Sunday morning. They weren't bad memories; instead, they were so good that they made him miss Alexi even more. He had no idea how to deal with the longing filling him daily.

Alicia pulled out a chair across him.

"Did he call you today?" she asked.

"Last night, at around two in the morning, he sounded tired." Joshua said glancing at his watch. Five o'clock here meant six am for Alexi. "The time difference turns us upside down. He's probably waking up right now."

"He sent me pictures of the stage yesterday. The theater is huge," Alicia said. "I've been following his concert preparations every day. It looks like so much work. I'm sure his concert is going to be amazing."

"I can't go." Joshua stared at the chicken sandwich she'd gotten for him. "If it weren't for this meeting tomorrow, I'd be right there next to him. I wish I could split myself in two and be there for him."

"Oh, Josh," Alicia sighed. "There are seventy-nine more concerts. I'm sure you can make it to one of those."

"But tomorrow is special," Joshua said. "His first one in a year, he's-, since his-," he broke off.

Alexi hadn't told Alicia about his stage fright. It was hard to articulate what this first concert meant for Alexi. How could he not be there for him?

Alicia took his hand and squeezed gently.

"Alexi understands, Josh. No wonder he sent me a message last night. He told me to tell you that Shane is more important and not to worry," she said with a smile. "He said he'll wake you up at five am on Skype."

He chuckled remembering Alexi's parting words last night.

'Don't sleep too hard, okay.'

"Score one for technology," he said picking up his sandwich. "I would never have imagined myself clinging to my cell phone as much as I have this past month. My phone and my laptop, I don't care about anything else."

He bit into his sandwich with a sigh.

"I have an idea," Alicia said. "I have a tech guy at work. He'll help us find a way to watch Alexi's concert on your flat screen in the living room. Make an occasion out of it, what do you think? It's a great idea, right. Take your sandwich with you."

****

"Josh, wake up," Alicia shook him awake early the next morning. "It's about to start, come on; Alexi wants to talk to you."

He sat up so fast; he almost fell of the couch. Rubbing his bleary eyes, he gaped in surprise when he saw Alexi laughing on his flat screen.

"Morning," Alexi said with a wide grin. "I told you not to sleep too hard."

"Alexi, hi," Joshua waved. "Where are you? Everyone's so busy behind you."

"We are backstage, at the Tokyu Theater Orb, everyone behind me is part of the orchestra," Alexi said turning his pad to the group of musicians preparing music instruments and talking. "They're all nervous right now. Guys, wave. Say 'hi, Josh and Alicia.'"

Joshua laughed when they all chorused 'hi Josh and Alicia' at the same time, it was stupendous. Alexi's face returned on the screen.

"They're awesome, aren't they?"

"Yes they are," Joshua said clearing his throat. Sleep going away, now that he could see his boyfriend. "What time is the concert?"

"We have ten minutes before I have to go out there. Lily will take over in a few; I told her you had to get the best experience?"

"Alicia, you miss me?" Alexi asked waving at her. "Are you taking care of yourself and the baby?"

"Yes," Alicia said moving to sit beside Joshua. "You look good, excited."

"I am excited." Alexi grinned. "What about you, Josh? Miss me?"

"Like breathing," Joshua said meaning it.

"Me too," Alexi said softly. "Alicia, can you give us a moment?"

"Sure," Alicia stood and patted Joshua's shoulder. "I'll go get you coffee, okay."

When she left the living room, Alexi closed the door in what looked like a closet.

"Hey you," Joshua said. "How are you holding up?"

"Nervous as hell," Alexi confessed with a small chuckle. "But, I'm also excited; everyone is so supportive and positive. I think it's going to be a great concert."

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you," Joshua said quietly. "I really did want to come."

"I know," Alexi soothed. "You have an obligation to Shane, you know that right? He's important, so make sure you make a good impression with that mediator."

"Don't I always," Joshua said.

Alexi nodded and touched the screen.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too." Joshua said his heart squeezing. "You're going to be extraordinary."

"You think so?" Alexi asked.

"I know so," Joshua said swallowing hard.

He'd give anything to hug Alexi right now. Be standing next to him, just before his concert.

There was a knock on the door on Alexi's side and they both sighed.

"Okay, I have to get busy, call Alicia back. The concert is about to start."

"I'm here." Alicia said coming into the living room carrying two huge red coffee mugs.

Joshua took his mug and frowned at her. "Eavesdrop much?"

She grinned at him and turned her gaze back to the screen. Alexi was walking through darkened corridors.

"So, I'm now headed to the stage entrance, the orchestra goes in before me and then I'll make a dramatic entrance and impress the masses," Alexi said making a face. Hopefully, there will be no tripping or panicking. We practiced that all afternoon today."

"You won't fall," Alicia told him. "What are you wearing?"

Alexi stopped under a dim light.

"A tuxedo," he teased with a wide grin.

"No way," Alicia said, "let me see."

"I'm kidding, no tuxedo, Lily wanted me to wear one, but it didn't fit the theme of the concert. We're going for fun, relaxed, so I'm in a gray blazer, a white V-neck shirt, and matching trousers."

"I like your hair," Alicia said, "it reminds me of the beach."

"Doesn't it," Alexi chuckled and continued walking. "Hear that? I don't know if you can, but the audience is murmuring and talking. Two thousand people in there all dressed up for the occasion."

"Did your parents make it?" Joshua asked hoping they'd made it.

"Yes," Alexi said. "They're seated at the front row, with their guests. Phillip brought his fiancée. Here comes Lily."

"Are you ready?" Lily asked him, taking the pad. She waved at them. "Hey, guys, I have to hustle Alexi away now. Alicia, I'm sending you a link for the live broadcast. You're not going to miss a thing."

"Thanks Lily."

"Alexi," Joshua said when Lily turned the phone to him. "Good luck."

"Thank you my love," Alexi said and waved goodbye.

The screen went dark and Alicia moved to click on the link Lily sent them.

They spent the next two hours watching Alexi's concert. Joshua felt pride when Alexi walked on the stage, elegant and handsome; he bowed with such grace, a smile on his face. He could barely contain his joy.

Alexi sat at the white piano set before the orchestra and started playing. From the moment he struck that first key, his music filled with a sincerity that touched the heart, Joshua kept his gaze on Alexi's face.

Even from this distance, as the camera captured his performance, Joshua could see how much Alexi loved performing. Tonight he exuded an air of confidence and charisma, captivating his audience. The orchestra adding such life to the compositions Alexi had written, most of them during their summer together. To hear them played in such a setting, Joshua couldn't properly express the feeling in words.

When the concert ended, Alicia sat beside him with a silly smile.

"Are you sure you don't want to move to Japan?" she asked as they watched Alexi bow to the audience. "I wouldn't blame you, big bro. Alexi is amazing."

Joshua shook his head, again feeling regret for not being able to congratulate Alexi on a brilliant concert.

"I'm thinking about it," Joshua said watching Alexi bow again and take the microphone Lily handed him.

The audience stood clapping, not giving him a chance to talk, a full ten minutes passed before Alexi could speak.

"Thank you very much, for your attention and your applause, you've made this night a success," Alexi said in Japanese.

Joshua translated for Alicia.

"Tonight is special in many ways. I'd like to thank you all for coming to this concert. I'd like to thank the esteemed Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra, for their extraordinary performance. Also, I'd like to introduce, Jennifer Becket and thank her for joining me tonight, let's give her a round of applause for her performance."

Jennifer emerged from backstage to a thunderous applause. She bowed and thanked Alexi before she left the stage.

"Before we end tonight, I'd like to thank my family, who are with us. I feel very lucky tonight, to be able to stand on such a stage and do what I love with the support from my family. Everyone, please help me thank them."

Joshua sighed as he watched Alexi's parents and Phillip stand. Alexi gave them a deep bow to show respect making the audience clap in approval. When they sat down, Alexi continued.

"And finally, to the special someone keeping my heart, even if you couldn't be here tonight, you were with me every step of the way. Thank you for loving me."

"Whoa," Alicia exclaimed clapping happily. "Did you hear that? Josh, you're going to be famous."

He blushed, feeling like a fan boy, his heart warming up as he watched Alexi make his exit amid another standing ovation. His phone rang and he picked it up.

"Did you watch?" Alexi's face appeared on the small screen with a wide grin. He was sweaty from the stage lights. "Did you hear?"

Joshua nodded. "You were amazing. Congratulations on a wonderful concert."

"Yes, Alexi. Why didn't I get a shout out?" Alicia demanded. "I'm here with the special someone."

"I'll make sure to give you one tomorrow." Alexi promised with a wide grin. "Josh, I meant what I said out there."

Joshua nodded and blew him a kiss.

"I have to go, loads of people to meet before I can leave. Call me when you finish at the court house, okay?" Alexi said his gaze imploring.

"Of course, go, meet and greet, don't forget to get some rest," Joshua urged.

"I don't want to let you go," Alexi complained.

Joshua smiled.

"I have to get to my classes soon, babe. Go on, have fun."

"Alright, take care of yourself, Alicia, you too."

After another round of goodbyes, Joshua finally ended the call and sat back in his seat. Alexi had officially faced down his demons, he thought. Wasn't it his turn now? Whatever the hearing brought that afternoon, he would keep fighting for Shane too.

****

"Thank you for coming," Beatrice said with a small smile that afternoon.

They were back in the conference room at Malcolm's office. This time their lawyers joined them.

"Joshua, I'm sorry for interrupting your plans. I tried the best I could to reschedule, but next week I have another case that's at a critical point. Please understand."

"It's no trouble," Joshua assured her.

"The past two weeks have been enlightening. I spent time with Shane; he is a well-rounded boy, doing well in school. Shane expressed a strong need to be able to see Joshua whenever he wants."

Beatrice looked at Joshua.

"You passed your evaluation. The space you've created for Shane in your house is more than sufficient, good job."

Joshua smiled happily.

"Sherry, when we talked you had concerns. We'll address them today."

Joshua's gaze flew to Sherry hoping she wasn't bringing trouble.

"What are the concerns?" Malcolm asked beside him.

"Shane has an established routine," Beatrice said. "When Shane visits Joshua, Sherry is concerned this routine might suffer. I'd advice Joshua, that during your visits and time together, that you'll encourage Shane to keep up with routine."

Joshua nodded in understanding. "I have no problem with that."

"Also, Sherry is worried that you'll make her out into a villain whenever it suits you."

"I'd never do that," Joshua said shaking his head.

Sherry glanced at him. "It is bound to happen when Shane comes to you with a request Mitch and I have refused. We always want the best for Shane, but you might think to-

"We're not at war with each other here. I want what's best for Shane too, so we can always discuss whatever decision you make like adults, come to a solution and stick to it."

She held his gaze for a moment before she nodded and turned to Beatrice.

"Will you let me tell him the last one?"

"Sure, go ahead." Beatrice said.

"I've tried to protect Shane when it comes to telling him the truth about why we're not together anymore. He doesn't know about you being-," Sherry broke off and met his gaze for a moment. "He doesn't know about you. Please, can you let me tell him at my own time?"

"I won't lie to him if he asks," Joshua said quietly. "Don't ask me to lie to him."

She paused and for a moment, he thought she might refuse.

"Fine, but only if he asks," Sherry insisted.

He nodded and turned to Beatrice. "What now?"

"Sherry Martin O'Leary is to allow Joshua Randolph access to the minor Shane."

Joshua clutched Malcolm's hand in shock.

Beatrice leaned her elbows on the table and said, "An angry, betrayed woman forced a father and son apart seeking retribution. Not realizing that in the end, she was hurting her son the most. I have seen many injustices caused by divorce but I hate it most when it ends up being one you could avoid."

Beatrice paused and turned to look at Sherry before she continued.

"Joshua's decision to divorce you was personal, and yes, it must have hurt you very much to watch him walk away. But you caused more hurt by keeping him away from Shane. I've listened to your concerns and the arguments your husband gave me when I visited your home. From what I've seen of Joshua's character, he is a man with strong principles, highly respected by his colleagues and the students in the university. He is loyal to his family and sure of what he wants in life. Shane has a lot to gain from spending time with him. When I visited his house, not once did he say a word against you or your husband. His main concern was Shane, always."

When Sherry started to talk, Beatrice lifted her hand to stop her and shook her head.

"There is nothing more to say in this case. Joshua is entitled to time with Shane and I expect no interference with the schedule we'll create. It is your duty to make sure that Shane is not having a hard time with this new change. I'm recommending a six-month period of evaluation. I want to see you two working together to make Shane's life happy. No fights, no negative talk about each other, I expect both of you to put Shane first. Is that understood?"

Sherry sighed and nodded.

When Beatrice turned to him, he nodded because he couldn't trust himself to talk without bursting into tears.

"Alright," Beatrice said gathering her documents. "Despite the problems between you, I've seen that you both care for Shane very much, which makes him a very lucky boy. Take good care of him. We'll now work out a schedule that suits you both and Shane."

"Can I pick him up tomorrow?" Joshua asked eagerly, "it's a Saturday, and we can-,"

"Sure," Sherry nodded. "The afternoon is best; he's got soccer practice in the morning."

Joshua breathed out slowly, the light at the end of this tunnel too bright; he couldn't believe this was real. Malcolm patted his hand and smiled.

The next couple of minutes went by in a daze. Sherry shook his hand and left the room flanked by her lawyer. Malcolm congratulated him and hurried out to finish with Beatrice. Standing up, Joshua moved to stare out the windows. The fates had seen fit to give him another chance with Shane. He smiled at the sunny afternoon, taking his phone; he wrote Alexi a quick message and then called his mother to share the good news.

****

'Sherry agreed to let me see Shane again! Wish you were here to share this. I'm so happy; call me when you wake up.'

Alexi smiled as he reread Joshua's message. He was glad something good had come from Joshua missing his trip to Japan. Joshua with Shane again, he couldn't stop smiling. He'd called Joshua when he first saw the message. Joshua's house was full of excitement; Eve was planning to cook up a storm in celebration. He wished he could be there to hug Joshua and Shane.

"I can't thank you enough for this new PR nightmare," Lily complained as she walked into the dining room. "Did you have to make a love declaration on national television? Everyone wants to know who this special person is."

Alexi ate his fruit in silence watching her sort through the many lists they'd created to manage the stage production, and the daily activities.

"It will die down; they'll completely forget I said it."

"I'd like to pull you out of that hole you've stuck your head in," Lily said with a scowl. "Your declaration last night is the most searched for item online at the moment. They're speculating whom this special someone is. Jeez, you drive me nuts."

He laughed and stretched his arms above his head.

"Lily, celebrate the big things. I got on stage last night and killed the panic dragon. Joshua won the chance to spend time with his son. Isn't that a great thing? Besides, if they find out about Josh, my fans can crush on both of us. We should celebrate."

"I am ecstatic, even Mariko Hondo is singing praises in her article this morning. Congratulations," Lily said handing him the morning paper. "But, we're just starting. Seventy-nine more concerts to go. As of now, though, no more declarations without telling me first, you hear. Have pity, Alexi."

He straightened the paper and opened to page six again. Mariko had gone all out with the photographs from last night's concert, but none held his interest as his thoughts turned to Joshua. All he could think about was how much he wanted to be with Joshua, celebrating with him.

****

Three months, two days, eight hours, he could count the minutes but that was too pathetic.

Joshua watched Shane run in the park to retrieve the football they were tossing. That's how long since he'd held Alexi in his arms, he couldn't even believe it sometimes. No matter how many emails, text messages, Skype sessions or pictures they send each other, it wasn't the same as being in the same space. He hadn't been able to get time away. Between weekends with Shane and a full schedule at the university, he hadn't managed to get time away to visit Alexi.

Alexi's tour had intensified. His poor boyfriend was constantly on the road, big theaters, small venues, and stadiums, Alexi tried to document it all and share it with him.

Thursday evening, this last week, Alexi's bus had blown a tire in the middle of the highway. He'd watched with worry as Alexi nagged the driver, and two other men Alexi called his security fix the tire. They'd been out in the rain and Lily had kept warning Alexi to get out of the cold rain. Despite Alexi getting in the way, they'd finally managed to get back on the road. He hoped Alexi hadn't caught a cold.

Shane called out and threw the ball to him. He smiled and caught it. Tossing the ball back to Shane, he laughed when the boy caught it and jogged toward him. He marveled at how Shane grew taller every day. He was half-afraid one of these days he'd blink and find Shane towering over him. His life was good on the surface, he supposed. Being with Shane, it was as though their time apart had never been.

"I'm starving." Shane said when he reached him.

"Let's go get a chicken sub," he said knowing Shane would like that. The boy was always complaining about veggies at home. He'd discovered sandwiches were the best way to get Shane to eat lettuce.

"Will you order one with loads of onions too?" Shane asked.

"Mountains," Joshua promised with a laugh. Alicia was finding this crazy fetish with onions disturbing.

"I hope you don't mind my onion breath," he said to Shane.

"Never," Shane said hugging the ball. "Aunt Alicia calls it stinky breath."

"That's 'coz she hates onions," Joshua said taking Shane's hand as they walked by the busy fountain at Washington Square. The piano man was playing Mozart in the park. His heart squeezed tight. Yes, he was happy he had Shane, but he still didn't have Alexi with him.

"Dad," Shane said tugging his hand when he stopped. "Are you alright?"

He glanced at Shane noting the worried frown. "I'm just fine, kiddo. I just remembered someone."

"Is it Uncle Alexi?" Shane asked as they kept walking out of the park.

"Yes," Joshua said.

"When is he coming back?" Shane asked.

Alicia had shown Shane dozens of videos with Alexi playing his concerts, or showing them the towns he was visiting during his tour. Shane had especially fallen in love when Alexi had sent him a video of the fastest train in Japan. Shane wanted a chance to ride on it.

"I don't know." Joshua answered painfully. "He's touring right now. It's hard for him to leave Japan."

"Can we go visit him for Halloween?" Shane asked hopeful.

"Maybe during your December holidays," Joshua said. "Would you like that?"

"I think it would be cool!" Shane said.

Joshua laughed at the enthusiastic answer. Holding Shane's hand securely, he pushed his melancholy thoughts away and concentrated on having a great day out with Shane.

****

"Alexander Kotaru is in Osaka. Kotaru-san's hometown, everyone is excited that he's brought his concert here. Three days at the Osaka Dome, we'll have an interview with him before the concert. Don't miss it."

Lily turned off the television and threw the remote on the couch. Alexi lay on the bed with a compress on his forehead.

"How are you feeling, can you talk?"

"Of course I can talk." Alexi croaked out like a toad. He coughed and rolled over on the bed taking off the wet towel and placing it on the bedside table. "Although I might scare everyone away, do I have to do that interview; I can just do the concert."

"Have you heard of fan service? It's a big thing that goes towards getting people in the seats, my dear. I have to find a cure for you." Lily sighed and touched his forehead. "You shouldn't have stayed out in the rain. I told you the driver could fix the tires, but you had to jump in and meddle. Now look at you."

"Your bedside manner is lacking." Alexi complained tugging the blankets closer. He was so cold. Shuddering, he closed his eyes and said, "Call Joshua for me, or better, bring him here and I'll be fine."

"We've tried to bring Joshua here five times. I'm starting to get a complex. If it's not Shane, it's his meetings, different projects." Lily sighed. "Let's just not talk about that right now. Why are you so grumpy when you get sick?"

Lily teased although he noted her frown when she touched his forehead again.

"I'll call the doctor; we need to get your fever down."

Alexi watched her leave the bedroom before he reached for his phone on the bedside table. Dialing Joshua, he sat up and leaned on the headboard.

"Alexi?"

Joshua's voice healed most of his aches although his head felt heavy and his chest burned.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked, hating that his voice was hoarse and scratchy. He tried to clear it.

"No, why do you sound like that?" Joshua asked.

"I ate a toad," Alexi answered with a laugh that quickly turned into a cough that he suppressed ruthlessly. "I missed hearing your voice. What are you doing?"

"Watching Alicia making a Halloween costume, I'm not sure what she wants to be," Joshua said with mild amusement. "Where are you?"

"Osaka, close to home," he answered. "I'm here for three days starting tomorrow, then a day off, maybe I'll go to my house."

"Alexi, you sound sick," Joshua said quietly.

"It's just a small cold. Tell me about Alicia, what is she making? Are you at her house?"

"Yeah, she's throwing a Halloween party. I think she wants to be a nurse, but I told her that might be a problem especially since her belly started showing."

Alexi laughed biting back another cough. "She can be the sexy mama."

"I'm not telling her that, it will put ideas in her head."

"What about Shane? How are you two doing? Did you go to the park like you said you would?"

"Yes, we played ball, had chicken sandwiches with mountains of onions. I took him home and he made me promise to take him out bowling next week."

"I'm glad I'm not beside you, onion breath must be overkill tonight." Alexi teased.

"I brushed my teeth afterwards." Joshua complained. "We saw the piano man. He's still playing Mozart in the park. Shane said he'd love to come visit you in December."

"Just Shane," Alexi said with a frown.

He'd waited so long for Joshua; he was starting to hate all the obligations that were tying his boyfriend's time.

"I'd love to come sooner, Alexi. You know that right?"

"Can you come today? Right now, I miss you so much."

Letting out a sigh, he looked around his hotel room feeling lonely.

"You want me to come right now?" Joshua asked.

"Yes, right now." Alexi said petulantly. He wanted to have Joshua lying next to him, see him, and touch him. "I'm sorry, I'm just-

"You're not fine," Joshua interrupted him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Alexi deflected with a sigh. "I'm- I'm just tired. We got to Osaka town late last night. I should be sleeping; this weekend will be hectic. Will you kiss Alicia hello for me?"

"Sure," Joshua said sounding distracted. "Alexi, I love you."

"I love you too. Have fun at the Halloween party."

He hung up abruptly, staring at his phone with dejection. Joshua sounded happy. So happy, Alexi was a little jealous. Here he was, sick in bed, lonely, he slid down on the bed and hugged a pillow. Closing his eyes, he felt his heart break. He wanted to go home to Joshua.

****

"What's wrong with him?" Joshua demanded when he got a hold of Lily a few minutes later. "And don't tell me 'nothing' because that's what he said and I don't believe him."

Lily sighed. "He has a terrible cold, Josh. I made him stay in bed, but he's a grumpy patient."

"What happened to him?" Joshua paced Alicia's living room. "Is he not eating right? Is he taking care of himself on the road?"

"We do our best. He got a cold from staying in the rain helping the driver. Now he's sick and in bed. I have a doctor on the way, we'll fix him up."

Joshua closed his eyes and thought about Alexi sick in bed. He paced Alicia's living room, thinking about Alexi's plea for him to visit.

Shaking his head, he said to Lily, "I want to come, can you help me?"

"Are you sure?" Lily asked. "The last five times we've tried, your schedule hasn't allowed it."

"I'm serious, Lily. Please, don't make me beg. He sounds terrible, and I miss him. I'll deal with whatever consequences I leave here when I get back."

"Alright, let me call you back."

Lily hung up and he turned to look at Alicia. His sister sat on the couch surrounded by material, feathers, and threads.

"What's happened?" Alicia asked when she glanced up to find him watching her.

"I'm going to Japan," he said abruptly. "I'm sorry to leave you like this, but-

She jumped over the material and came to hug him tight.

"It's about time. You've been moping around for weeks now. Go see how he's doing. Give him a huge hug from me."

Joshua laughed and kissed her cheek. He hurried out of her house, and was in a cab headed to his house to pack when Lily called him back.

****

Twenty-Five

The tickle in Alexi's nose was the only warning he got before reflex took over. Six sneezes later, his eyes watering, Alexi wiped his nose with a tissue and threw it in a nearby trash bin. The sneezes made him wish for the coughs. Sneezes were worse, definitely more uncomfortable.

He adjusted the black surgical mask over his nose, and tightened his black wool scarf around his neck. He'd buttoned his jacket to cover his throat and still he was freezing. Autumn in Osaka was mild, but as he walked along Midosuji Avenue, the gingko trees a vibrant yellow; all he could do was shiver miserably.

It was a cool November Wednesday, and he'd escaped his hotel room for the afternoon. Tired of his bed and the endless meetings planning his weekend performances and interviews, he'd taken a very hot shower, dressed in the warmest clothes he could find and left the hotel.

"Alexi-san," Toda Hirako, the man who shadowed his every move whenever he was on tour said beside him. "We should head back to the hotel. We've been out here for two hours. It's almost four o'clock, Lily will start worrying."

He'd always liked Toda. The man had seen him through too many sticky situations and he trusted him with his life.

"I'm fine, Toda." Alexi buried his hands deep into the pockets in his jacket. "I don't want to stay in bed and my hotel room is making me cranky."

Toda chuckled. "Then let's go drink whiskey, it will warm you up and clear your cold."

"Can you picture Lily's face when I walk in drunk?" he asked.

"She won't mind," Toda said in a reassuring voice.

Alexi considered it, but as tempting as drinking was, his tolerance for alcohol was low. He only drank with his brother or Joshua around. Thinking of Joshua made him sad. He wanted to see him so badly. His heart twisted painfully. This tour was so long. His heart longed for Joshua.

Gods, how was it possible to love one man this much.

His cell phone buzzed and he tugged off the surgical mask to answer the call. "I'm not coming back yet."

"Alexi, I have a visitor you really have to see," Lily insisted. "Where are you?"

Alexi sighed and shook his head. "I don't feel up to meeting any more execs today. Please, Lily, can't you postpone that to tomorrow?"

"Alexi, if you don't want me to go nuts, you'll head back to the hotel right now."

"Threaten me all you want," he said holding back a sneeze. "I can't be in that hotel room right now. Two days in bed is enough, I can't be in there anymore. Who is this person, why can't they meet me on the street?"

"Where are you, exactly?" Lily asked.

"Outside the shrine on Midosuji Avenue," Alexi said glancing at the pristine stairs leading up to the Shrine.

"We're on our way," Lily said and ended the call.

Alexi sighed and glanced up at the shrine. He walked up the steps and wondered if a plea to a higher power was going to help him see Joshua soon. Right now, even a few hours would do, just long enough to hug him.

"Alexi!"

He froze at the top of the stairs. Heart pounding in his chest, he turned to find a tall man standing at the bottom of the steps. His dark curls tossed by the wind, his long black coat open to reveal an impeccable black suit. Alexi could barely believe it.

Joshua.

Joshua started up the steps looking like a fantasy walking toward him. When he was finally close, Alexi met smiling electric blue eyes and wondered how he'd managed to live for three months without seeing them.

"Josh?" he asked in a whisper afraid this was a dream.

"That expression on your face makes the last fourteen hours worthwhile."

Joshua touched his jaw, a simple caress. It catapulted Alexi out of his shock. He pulled Joshua into a tight hug. Burying his face in to Joshua's jacket, he breathed him in, and closed his eyes when Joshua wrapped his arms around him.

Home, he thought.

Joshua was his home.

****

The short drive back to the hotel was a blur. Alexi sat beside Joshua in the backseat their fingers laced tightly. When the car stopped, Joshua reluctantly let go and got out of the car first. Alexi followed him and they hurried through the lobby to the elevators. They didn't talk once through the ride to the top floor.

When the elevator doors opened, Alexi led the way to his suite. Opening the door with his key card, he melted when Joshua took him into his arms and kissed him. They stumbled into the suite, closing the door they leaned against it. Alexi lost himself in the feel of Joshua's arms around him, his lips on his, kissing him. He'd dreamt of this moment so many times. When Joshua broke the kiss, he sighed.

"I'm going to infect you," Alexi said with a chuckle.

Joshua kissed him again. "I don't care."

Alexi smiled and pressed kisses of his own on Joshua's jaw. "If you get sick, we can stay in bed together, my germs your germs."

Joshua laughed and held him tighter. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

Alexi held Joshua, the world stopped, time standing still. If they never moved, he wouldn't care he thought. Just having Joshua here, like this-, he held back a sneeze.

Alexi closed his eyes, laying his head on Joshua's chest.

"I've missed you so much; I thought it was going to kill me."

"Why are you sick?" Joshua asked him stroking his hair back. "You promised to take care of yourself."

"Why are you so busy?" Alexi demanded. "Meetings, projects, my heart broke each time you couldn't make it. I thought I was the one who had a busy schedule."

Joshua kissed him on his forehead. "I'm here now."

Alexi sneezed and he sighed pulling away from Joshua.

"I'm sorry." He hurried into the living room to get a tissue from a box on the coffee table and blew his nose. "I'm a mess."

Alexi threw the used tissue in the trash and smiled when Joshua removed his coat and laid it over the back of the armchair.

"I'm impressed," he said in admiration. "A suit, Josh, did you really go through the airport in that?"

"I thought I was going to find you performing," Joshua said his cheeks flushing as he reached up to loosen his tie. His black suit jacket framed his shoulders to perfection. "I didn't want to be the odd one out in jeans and t-shirt. So I changed at the airport."

The suit jacket followed the coat and then Joshua perched on the couch a frown dancing on his forehead.

"Are you taking your medicine?"

Alexi nodded and took the bottle of sanitizer beside the box of tissues and put some on his hands.

"Lily has all kinds of remedies in the medicine cabinet. I've been in bed so long I don't want to go into that bedroom."

"What can I do?" Joshua asked.

Alexi removed his own jacket, tossed it over the coffee table and moved closer to Joshua.

"Just hold me," he said quietly.

Joshua stretched out on the wide couch and patted the space he left. Alexi lay down beside him. The hardest part of being away from Joshua had been waking up in an empty bed. Alexi shifted until his head rested on Joshua's chest. Closing his eyes, he listened for Joshua's heartbeat and smiled when its steady sound filled his ears. He'd missed this most he thought, Joshua holding him tight.

****

Joshua shifted to his side and propped his head up to watch Alexi sleep. He could barely believe this was real. He touched Alexi's sandy hair, the soft strands sifting through his fingers. Trailing his fingers over Alexi's ear, he tugged the soft earlobe and smiled when Alexi shook his head. He ran his finger along Alexi's jaw line, rubbing soft cool skin, to Alexi's chin. He paused there and studied Alexi's parted lips. His thumb caressed Alexi's full bottom lip, so soft; he glanced up when Alexi licked his thumb.

Alexi watched him with warm brown eyes that reminded him of honey. Leaning over him, Joshua kissed him as he'd wanted to for months, hungrily exploring Alexi's mouth, devouring him like an addict. He tugged Alexi's shirt, dragging it off. Alexi gave a passionate moan when he ran his hands down Alexi's naked back, digging into lean flesh. Alexi retaliated by tugging at the buttons on his shirt.

Kneeling between Alexi's legs, Joshua pulled his own shirt up over his head, and dropped it on the floor. Alexi sat up and stopped him when he dropped his hands to the button on his trousers. Meeting heated brown eyes, he bit his lip when Alexi undid his belt and unzipped his trousers. Joshua held his breath when Alexi pushed his briefs and trousers down, taking extra care to tug the waistband of his briefs over his hard erection.

He closed his eyes when Alexi blew hot air on his hard length. Liquid fire filled his cock, and he let out a harsh breath. Alexi's hot fingers closed around him and he gritted his teeth.

Gods, he was so close.

One stroke and he was going to explode. Alexi licked the tip of his cock, looking up at him when his fingers sunk into Alexi's hair. He trembled with the effort to keep from exploding, biting his lower lip when Alexi took him into his mouth and sucked. He lost control, a flash fire raced through him, so hot he couldn't help thrusting into Alexi's mouth, caught in the raging heat as he came with a harsh cry. Alexi didn't stop, keeping up his sensual torment, sucking on him gently.

Joshua stopped him, slipping out of Alexi's mouth with a plop. He pushed Alexi back on the couch cushions, kneeling over him; he took Alexi's mouth in a hot kiss. His hands finding the buttons on Alexi's trousers, he tugged them off and pushed the offending fabric off Alexi's hips.

His desperate need took over then, this need to get as close to Alexi as he could. He worshiped Alexi's body, kissing, stroking, and satisfying a craving born from their months apart. He took Alexi into his mouth, brought him to a crashing climax that left Alexi trembling. The sight of Alexi's pleasure had his own cock aching again.

Dragging Alexi to the carpeted floor so that they'd have more freedom, he took extra care preparing Alexi to take him. He covered Alexi's silent moan of pleasure when he finally slipped inside him, fusing their mouths as he surged into Alexi's tight sheath. Burying himself deep, Alexi's hips rising to meet his deep thrusts, their sweat slicked bodies crushed together. Alexi's legs locked around his hips as Joshua set a brutal, passionate pace. Breaking their kiss so that he could hear Alexi's heated gasps and pleas. Those delicious pleas that turned desperate when Alexi got close, Joshua tangled their fingers together as he thrust harder into Alexi. Alexi's body exploded in powerful waves that milked his own release. Alexi's cry echoed Joshua's own hoarse shout as he collapsed on top of Alexi, his cock jerking and pulsing inside Alexi.

He fought to regain the ability to breathe, his hair damp and body covered in a fine sheen. He kept his hips tight against the cradle of Alexi's, kissing his way along Alexi's neck to his mouth. He levered himself up onto his elbows and framed Alexi's face with his hands. Kissing him repeatedly, losing himself in the sweet velvet erotic taste that was Alexi. Alexi's fingers swept into his hair, stroking through the damp strands, his touch loving. Joshua closed his eyes. He loved the way Alexi gave him everything, never holding back, just showering him with love.

He opened his eyes to find tears sliding into Alexi's hair. He followed them with his lips, coming up to kiss Alexi's eyes. His right eye, then his left, when Alexi opened his eyes, he asked, "Did I hurt you?"

Alexi shook his head. "No, I'm just happy."

Joshua kissed him again. "Do you have to go somewhere tonight?"

Alexi shook his head. "No concert, no interviews, no appointments, I'm all yours."

He smiled. "Good. I've been dying to have you all to myself."

Alexi laughed.

Joshua wrapped his arms around Alexi and shifted onto his back so that Alexi lay over him. Alexi licked his nipple and he groaned as his cock surged to life.

"You're a good cure," Alexi said after a moment. "I haven't sneezed once since I woke up."

Joshua laughed and pressed his palm against Alexi's forehead to check anyway.

"You had me worried when you called two days ago. You sounded so...tired."

Alexi lifted his head so that he could meet his gaze. "I was lonely; I was going insane from loneliness, Josh. I've missed you so much. I swear that's why I got sick. I want you with me for the rest of this tour."

Joshua reached up to brush sandy strands of hair out of Alexi's eyes. "I want the same thing, except I want to take you back with me when I leave on Tuesday. I've missed you too."

Alexi studied him for a moment, and then said, "Don't ever stop."

"What?" Joshua asked with a frown, sliding his thumb over the frown forming on Alexi's forehead.

"Missing me," Alexi said quietly. "Needing me, wanting me like this. I don't think I could take that, Josh."

Joshua cupped Alexi's face and tugged him down so that he could kiss him. He rolled to the side and took Alexi's right hand, directing it to his hard cock.

"Feel that?" he asked against Alexi's lips.

Alexi's hand wrapped around his cock and he hissed as his cock hardened even more. Meeting liquid brown eyes, he kissed Alexi again. "It's for you, always for you, Alexi."

Alexi stroked him possessively as they kissed again quickly giving in to their flaming passion.

***

The knock on the door at around ten o'clock the next morning surprised Joshua. He stood up from the dining table. Alexi had reluctantly left early in the morning for a series of interviews around Osaka. Joshua didn't expect him back for another three hours. Going to answer the door, a smile broke on his face when he saw Allegra Kotaru. She looked refined in a silver-gray skirt suit, her hair held back in a twist. She wore a warm black coat that she left open. He could understand why Alexi sometimes called her the iron lady. She was intimidating.

"Good morning, Joshua," she said with a wide smile. She gave him a short bow in greeting which he returned. "I'm glad to see you so well."

"You too, Allegra," he said pleasantly surprised.

He moved to allow her in, but she raised her hand to stop him.

"I want to steal you away," she said. "I'm sure Alexi is caught up in his promotional activities. Can you spare time for me, Joshua?"

"Ah, sure," he said. "Let me get my coat then we can go."

He hurried to the sitting room and took his coat from the armchair. Taking his phone from the coffee table, he hurried out to find Allegra waiting patiently in the hallway. He closed the door and followed her to the elevators. She asked him about New York and his family on the ride down to the lobby. When they got out in the cool air, she led him to a black car. The driver gave him a short nod as he hurried around the car to get in the backseat beside Allegra.

"Where are we headed?" he asked as the driver joined traffic.

"I enjoyed our talk in New York. Your passion for research and the Japanese culture was impressive so I wanted to take this opportunity to show you around." Allegra arranged her coat and folded her hands on her lap. "Alexi tells me you have access to your son now."

"Yes," he said with a smile. He'd called Shane last night and had him chat a little with Alexi. "Mr. Deveraux, Alexi's lawyer in New York, was a great help."

"Good, family is important." Allegra said. "Malcolm is a good man. He manages many of our legal interests in the U.S. As you know, our family maintains the Zantam Foundation. We have a center in New York, and Malcolm has helped us many times in the past few years. I'm glad he was able to help you."

The driver stopped at a light before he made a right turn heading out of the main city.

"Kotaru Industries has its headquarters not too far from Alexi's hotel. If we have time, we'll stop by and give you a short tour," Allegra said. "For now, I'll show off a bit about what I do. My mother tells me she gave you a Zantam Foundation portfolio."

"Yes, she did." Joshua met Allegra's cool brown eyes, and for a moment, it struck him how similar they were to Alexi's eyes.

Similar, but different, he thought.

"The folder she gave me covered the projects Zantam has funded for research and grants given to various people. I haven't had a chance to meet with Mrs. Taylor again."

The car slowed down and turned on to a quiet street. They drove into a parking lot in front of a two-story brick building. The driver stopped at the building entrance and Allegra got out first and waited for him. A sign by the door read Kota Museum with the Zantam Foundation logo under the name.

"Kota Museum was built by my husband's grandfather, Alexi's great-grandfather. He loved art, and would always say that art was the best way to heal a sad heart. He was an industrious man. He used to intimidate Alexi's father just to get a rise out of him when he took over the family business. I loved spending time with him. In a way, he's the reason I fell in love with this country. He died two years after we moved here. He was in his nineties, and even though he'd lived a long good life, it was a sad time for me. He was a very interesting man to be around."

Allegra slipped a hand on his right elbow as they walked into the first floor exhibit hall. They paused before the first painting. It was a Japanese landscape from the Muromachi period fifteenth century, very old and carefully preserved.

"Stunning," he murmured. "Is this a permanent exhibit?"

"Yes, this collection is on permanent display. The family donated it to this museum when my husband's grandfather died. It's called the Kotaru Collection, a mixture of Japanese and Chinese art, Japanese Western-style paintings, and sculptures. He acquired most of it during his travels; the Japanese painters gave their paintings to him, especially after World War II. They were afraid their work would scatter and no one would get to see their art. He promised to build a museum and share the art with everyone. And so, that is how the Zantam Foundation began. The foundation supports three main initiatives, art, culture and education. We give grant programs to non-profit organizations, research institutes, associations, passionate individuals."

From the research he'd done, the Zantam New York branch concentrated on education grants. They funded many science and technology ideas. He'd found a few recipients at his university.

"The New York branch, seems to concentrate on education grants, why don't they offer art and culture grants?"

"You've done your research," she said in a pleased tone. "The New York branch has concentrated on education more than it has the art and culture. We were wary of pushing the art and culture agenda without a clear route. The foundation currently runs two museums, this one, and one in Tokyo, called the Phillip and Alexander museum of modern art. We have recently started construction on a third museum in New York, on the first floor of the Zantam Foundation building. If good fortunes abide, our focus on art and culture will continue in New York."

"Did you name the museum in Tokyo?" he asked with a small smile.

Allegra chuckled and paused before another landscape. "No, his grandfather named that museum. It was a gesture of love on his part."

Joshua nodded suddenly realizing that Alexi's roots in this country ran deeper than he'd imagined. Moving around the elegant exhibit hall, he couldn't imagine Alexi ever agreeing to leave this place.

Would his family even let him?

"How is research for your book going?" Allegra asked as they left the Kotaru collection to go to the next exhibit hall. The collection label read; Debussy-Arts inspired Music.

"I'm almost done with the book. I'll send it to my editor when I get home." He smiled. "I have had a lot of time alone to finish writing."

"Missing Alexi?" she asked.

He sighed. "More than I imagined I could."

"Love is like that," she said patting his arm. "I was worried when he got sick, because he's been running non-stop since the first concert in Tokyo. But, your calls and your support have really kept him in good spirits. Thank you for that."

"I'm happy to do it," he said pausing before a Pierre-August Renoir painting named 'Yvonne et Christine Lerolle au piano'; two women sitting before a black piano with a ballet dancer's picture on the wall. "These are really beautiful."

"Yes, the collection is on loan from the P&A museum in Tokyo. Alexi's favorite collection," she said. "When he first started playing classical music, he'd play all of Debussy's music for hours. I could hum the entire score of Maid with flaxen hair. Yelling at him to change the music was useless, so we all just got into the habit of finding new things about Debussy to give him. He moved on to compose his own music, but I think he still loves Debussy. When I told the P&A Museum director this story, she decided to compile this exhibition in order to commemorate Debussy's birthday last year."

"How clever," Joshua laughed.

There was so much he didn't know about Alexi, so much to learn.

They walked through the exhibit, Allegra pointing out paintings and making jokes. She was entertaining and told him anecdotes of Alexi and Phillip growing up. Each story painted a picture of Alexi's life.

Their families were irrevocably different, he thought.

Alexi's family steeped in history and tradition while his-, apart from his mother's home in Stanton Island, there wasn't much else. He was glad they were in love, his heart so completely merged with Alexi's, because it meant he couldn't run away, no matter how intimidating Alexi's family was.

When they left the Debussy collection, Allegra glanced at a delicate gold watch on her wrist.

"Time to head to the next location," she said decisively. "You'll come again and visit the other halls. I'll make sure."

She led the way out of the building and they were back in the car again. Allegra talked about the different exhibits in the various museums. Passion in every word, it was easy to see where Alexi had gotten his creative side.

They headed back to the main city, back to Alexi's hotel. Allegra took him to a quiet restaurant on the first floor.

"I'm starving," she said as he helped her take off her coat. He pulled out her chair and once she settled, he sat across her. "We're going to meet with someone important."

Joshua removed his own coat and adjusted the dark blue sweater he had on over his blue shirt. Before he could ask whom they were meeting, an older woman appeared. She bowed politely to Allegra and he stood to pull out a chair for her.

"Mrs. Shuji, this is the young man I was telling you about," Allegra said. "Joshua Randolph."

Mrs. Shuji shook his hand with a wide smile, and he urged her to sit first.

"How do you like Osaka so far?" she asked when he settled in his seat.

"I like the weather, it's not as cold as New York right now," Joshua said with a grin. "I haven't had much of a chance to explore the city. I only arrived yesterday."

"Don't miss the Osaka Castle Park," Mrs. Shuji said proudly. "The maple leaves have changed and it's a beautiful place to go on a picnic."

"Joshua is an Eastern Literature professor at the University of New York," Allegra said after their waiter finished taking their orders. She met his gaze, hers full of promise. "He's currently writing a book focused on the Meiji period and the shift in classes."

"We just had an exhibition this summer focused on the Meiji period," Mrs. Shuji said with a smile. "We had a few woodblock prints that would have interested you. Are you familiar with the Saigo Star urban legend?"

Joshua nodded. "Yes, right after the Satsuma Rebellion, and the death of Saigo Takamori, the last Samurai leader. An unfamiliar huge red star appeared in the skies and the people believed it was an ill omen. One meant for Saigo's enemies. Rumor was that if you looked at the star through a telescope you could see Saigo Takamori in full military dress. The rumor got so out of control, the scholars of that time had to print out a leaflet saying that the red star was Mars. That year, earth had moved close to Mars, hence the huge red star."

Mrs. Shuji smiled in approval. "Woodblock prints of the Saigo Star were quite popular then, and our exhibition had three of them. I just came from returning them to the owner. She is very attached to them and wouldn't release them without my promise to return them personally."

"Mrs. Shuji is quite the woodblock print collector herself," Allegra said. "She loves sharing her collection with fellow enthusiasts."

"I'd love to see your collection," Joshua said turning to Mrs. Shuji.

It would give him time to pick her brain about a few details he wanted to add to his manuscript.

"If you have time," Mrs. Shuji asked.

"Of course he does," Allegra said, glancing at him. "Alexi will be busy tomorrow morning. You can meet Mrs. Shuji at her home. She has many stories about the Meiji period."

"I'd love that very much," Joshua agreed.

"Very good," Allegra said, pleased. "Mrs. Shuji is the current Managing Director of the Zantam Foundation. She has worked with us for fifteen years. She worked hard to make our Foundation thrive. We wouldn't be where we are without her."

"You are too kind, Allegra-san," Mrs. Shuji said with a small blush.

"It's the truth," Allegra said. "The foundation's board has recently decided to find a Director of Asian Culture. With the new museum in New York, Mrs. Shuji believes we need an individual able to understand and navigate both worlds."

"I'll confess that I read your published articles after Allegra-san mentioned your name." Mrs. Shuji met his gaze. "Your research is solid and you're passionate. It's quite refreshing."

Joshua held his breath as he waited, afraid to hope, but hoping anyway.

Allegra must have sensed his feelings.

She smiled at him and said, "When we met in New York, it felt as though I'd met the perfect man for the job. I told Mrs. Shuji I'd introduce you to her."

Joshua gaped.

"What do you say, Mr. Randolph?" Allegra asked with an expectant expression.

****

Alexi rubbed his tired eyes and yawned. Thanks to Joshua he hadn't gotten very much sleep, but he wasn't complaining, he thought with a smile. Waking up beside Joshua, this morning had been the closest to heaven he'd gotten. Shifting in his seat, he glanced at Lily.

"I want to take Josh to the airport on Tuesday afternoon."

"Not possible," Lily said shaking her head.

Alexi frowned. They were on their way back to his hotel where he was to meet his mother and Joshua. He wasn't surprised his mother had gone to see Joshua. He was sure she'd spent the whole morning taking Joshua through the museums and maybe even the foundation's main offices. He was a little jealous since his schedule was so busy until Sunday night.

"Please Lily," he said. "We don't have that much time alone until Monday and the few hours before his flight on Tuesday. Please."

"Can you imagine what will happen if you show up at the airport? Press, fans, it will be a nightmare," Lily said touching his shoulder. "Isn't it better to let Joshua leave quietly?"

Alexi sighed and decided to bargain. "I'll let you put whatever you want on my Yokohama schedule next week."

"Alexi-,"

"You're really good at planning exit strategies. If we keep it between us, this will work out. Please, Lily, don't make me watch him leave my house."

"Are you really taking him to your beach house?"

Alexi smiled at the thought. "Yes, after the concert on Sunday, I want to show him my home."

Lily sighed. "Fine, but you'll take Toda with you. He'll protect you both if anything happens at the airport."

Alexi felt relief flood him.

"Have I told you how much I love you," he said grinning at her. "Thank you."

She graced him with a sweet smile. "Remember your promise. Yokohama is full of people to meet, and radio stations to visit."

Alexi winced. "Yeah I know, fan service. Consider me your slave."

She blew him a kiss and he laughed. When they reached the hotel, she left him in the lobby and he headed to the restaurant on the first floor. Walking into the busy restaurant, he smiled when Joshua waved at him. Curbing the urge to run, he walked to their table and paused when he saw Mrs. Shuji stand.

"Grandma Shuji," he said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Alexi," she said moving to hug him. "Look at you; you grow more handsome each time I see you. You've been neglecting me. I haven't seen you in a while."

"I'm sorry," he said when she let him go. "I have no good excuse, Grandma Shuji."

Mrs. Shuji took his hand and squeezed. "That's alright. I know you've been hard at work. I have tickets to your concert tomorrow night. I can't wait to hear you play again."

He smiled and gave her a bow of respect. "I'll do my best."

When she left, he turned to his mother. "Mum, did you have a meeting with her?"

"Yes." Allegra accepted a kiss on her cheek and watched him slide into the chair right beside Joshua.

"Your cold disappeared," she observed.

"I'm healthier than a horse," he said taking Joshua's hand under the table. His heart squeezed tightly when Joshua laced their fingers. Locking their hands together, as he wished they'd stay forever.

"How was your interview," Joshua asked him.

"Easier than I thought it would be," Alexi answered meeting Joshua's gaze. "I was eager to be finished though so that I could come home to you. I'm glad mum rescued you from boredom alone in the suite."

Joshua nodded and smiled at Allegra for a moment.

"She took me to the Kota Museum. You never told me you had a museum named after you."

Alexi blushed, his gaze flying to his mother's unreadable one. It suddenly felt as though he'd missed something important.

"It never came up," he said slowly. "What's going on? Why did you meet Mrs. Shuji?"

Allegra glanced at Joshua before she said. "Mrs. Shuji had information for his book research. Joshua is going to visit her tomorrow. She's going to show him her Wood print collection. It will keep him busy while you're away for rehearsals."

Joshua squeezed his fingers. "Your mum was sharing your family history with me."

Alexi narrowed his gaze at his mother, she was smiling slightly, happy. He couldn't shake off the feeling that she had an agenda. Letting it go for now, he turned to Joshua and listened to him talk about his trip to the Kota museum.

****

Joshua trailed kisses on Alexi's bare shoulder, his fingers tracing Alexi's backbone. Alexi lay on his stomach, hugging a pillow. Sunlight spilled on to the bed, dancing on Alexi's skin, he propped his head up on his elbow.

He loved Alexi's house, especially its tall windows overlooking the beach. They lay on Alexi's wide bed, the sheets at their feet. He traced his fingers along Alexi's backbone to the small of his back. Alexi turned his head on the pillow to look at him, his brown eyes filled with content.

His Alexi, soft and giving, he thought. His thoughts lingered on the last four magical days.

From the museum trip with Allegra, to exploring Osaka with Alexi: visiting parks, shopping for comics for Shane, buying a kimono for Alicia, trying out new food, meeting Alexi's brother for dinner, his favorite moments had been watching Alexi get on stage.

Alexi had taken a bow before thirty-five thousand people each night. Sitting behind his piano, Alexi had played with vigor, mesmerizing his audience with his confidence, drawing them into a fantasy world filled with fun and vibrant music. Joshua could hardly believe Alexi had once been afraid to stand on a stage.

Last night, after the final concert, they had checked out of the hotel and Toda, Alexi's bodyguard, had driven them to Alexi's beach house. They'd arrived late in the night, and Alexi had shown him around the house, dragging him from room to room like a kid showing off his toys.

"What are you thinking about?" Alexi asked.

"You," Joshua said. "I love your house. It's exactly how I pictured it."

"And how is that?" Alexi asked.

"Open, artistic, bright," he said kissing Alexi's shoulder, "very much like a home."

Alexi smiled. "That last word is starting to take on new meaning for me."

"What do you mean?"

Alexi shifted to his right so that he was facing him. "Home is supposed to be where you're most comfortable, most happy. This house used to be that for me. Now-," Alexi stopped and studied him.

"Now," Joshua prompted sweeping strands of hair out of Alexi's eyes.

"Now what?" he asked when Alexi kept watching him.

"Is it too soon to say that you've become my home, Joshua?" Alexi asked quietly.

"No, it's not too soon," he answered with a smile.

Alexi nodded. "When you won the petition to see Shane, I just wanted to fly back and be by your side. I wanted to celebrate with you: see you smile when Shane came to your house. I don't think I can articulate how much I miss you, Josh. I hate not being with you."

Joshua kissed Alexi hoping to take away his sadness.

"I know," he said against Alexi's lips. "I missed you too, every second."

Alexi sighed and stroked his jaw. "I don't want you to leave tomorrow."

"Alexi," Joshua said quietly. "I have to tell you something."

"What?" Alexi asked.

Joshua rubbed the frown on Alexi's forehead with his thumb.

"Promise to hear me out," he said.

"Josh, what's wrong?" Alexi asked his frown deepening.

"Nothing is wrong," he said thinking about Allegra's offer four days ago. He'd thought hard since their lunch on Thursday. "In fact, it might be the right thing for all of us."

"All of us?" Alexi asked.

"You, Shane, and me," he said quietly. "We're a small family that's scattered, held together by promises."

Alexi chuckled. "You're waxing poetic, Josh. Have you been reading from my stash?"

"Sometimes, when I miss you too much," he answered with a smile.

"What's on your mind?" Alexi asked him quietly.

"Your mother made me an offer," he said matching Alexi's tone. "On Thursday, when we went to visit the museum, she asked me to take a position with the Zantam Foundation."

Alexi sat up.

"Josh," Alexi said with strained voice.

"You don't like it," he said as Alexi got off the bed and picked up a gray robe from an armchair near the wall. He sighed as Alexi covered his body, tying the belt around his waist tight.

"My mother always has an agenda." Alexi ran fingers through his hair and sank into the armchair. He closed his eyes. "That's why Grandma Shuji met you for lunch."

Joshua sat up on the bed. "Why are you upset?"

"I'm not upset." Alexi looked at him and shook his head. "I'm just worried. I don't know why she would offer you this position-,"

"You don't think I can do it?"

"I don't doubt that you can, Josh. That's not the problem," Alexi said getting to his feet.

"Then what is?" Joshua asked confused. "From where I'm sitting, it's the only way we're going to manage a life together, Alexi. I can't stand not seeing you for months. You have obligations here; taking the position your mother's offering makes sense. It gives us a clear future together and I really want that with you."

Alexi walked to the windows. "My family is not like yours, Josh."

"Believe me, I can see that," Joshua said getting off the bed. He grabbed up the jeans he'd discarded on the floor last night and wore them. "Don't you want a life with me?"

Alexi turned to him. "Gods, how can you ask me that? You know how I feel, Josh. Of course I want a life with you."

"Then what is your problem with my taking the job your mother is offering?"

"Because, you don't know her like I do," Alexi answered. "You'll be under her thumb. I don't want her to micro-manage your life too. My family is full of conservatives. There are so many things they'll want to control."

Joshua crossed over to Alexi who was now leaning on the glass windows. He took Alexi's arms and shook him slightly.

"You've managed to live your life how you want despite your family. Can't you trust I'll do the same? I'll do anything to protect what we have, you have to know that."

Alexi lifted his head to meet his gaze.

"I know my family, Josh. Working in the Zantam Foundation will expose you not only to my mother, but also to my extended family, people who don't understand me, us. They'll hurt you, and that will just drive me crazy."

"I'll have you. And I've faced worse things than a bunch of old fashioned family. Are you listening? I'll do anything to protect our relationship."

"What if you get tired down the line?" Alexi asked quietly. "I love you, Josh. I want you in my life forever. But-"

"No buts, I want the same thing," Joshua cut him off. "These last three months apart taught me an undeniable lesson. I don't want to live without you. I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. I'm won't get tired of you."

"Josh," Alexi said in a soft tone.

"We have to find a way to make a life together happen, Alexi."

"I could move to New York." Alexi offered quietly.

"I won't watch you give up the stage," he said bringing his hand up to cup Alexi's jaw. "I saw you, Alexi. That secret smile you have when you are performing, I want to see it for as long as I can."

"What about Shane? Working for the Zantam Foundation will mean spending months here in Osaka."

"Lots of parents travel," Joshua said.

He pulled Alexi into a hug and buried his face into Alexi's shoulder.

"We can spend summer time in New York, and visit Shane for the December holidays. We can make it work, Alexi."

****

Alexi pressed a kiss on Joshua's shoulder and closed his eyes. He should have known his mother would meddle. She'd offered Joshua the perfect job. Director of Asian Cultures at the Zantam Foundation was a job tailor-made for Joshua. He was a man who loved Asian history and culture probably as much as he loved Shane. The Foundation would give him the chance to meet all kinds of researchers, open doors and give him recognition. Joshua would also bring so much to the foundation, especially the New York branch. The current director there was so obsessed with research; he'd forgotten the foundation's roots.

His mother was too astute, he thought with a frown.

"When is my mother expecting a call from you?" he asked quietly.

"She gave me two weeks."

Alexi nodded and pulled back.

"You're still reluctant." Joshua said, electric blue eyes studying him keenly. A frown creased Joshua's forehead, his eyes filled with worry.

Alexi smiled and kissed Joshua's right jaw. "I'm just naturally paranoid when it comes to Mum."

"She's not that bad. I think she just wants to keep you here."

"She's the chairman of the Foundation's board and you'd be spending a lot of time with her if you take the job."

"I don't care as long as I get to see you more than I have these last few months," Joshua said. "Obviously the decision is not made yet, why don't we think about this for the next two weeks?"

Alexi nodded glad that they weren't making a decision right now. He needed time to talk to his mother. Why would she make such an offer without asking him first?

"You're worrying," Joshua said with a sigh.

"I can't help it," Alexi said with a small shrug.

His mother always had a reason behind her actions. He didn't want to think what was behind this offer. Joshua took his hand and pulled him out of the bedroom.

"Enough," Joshua declared as they headed to the staircase. "We need breakfast; we're supposed to be having fun. Today's my last full day here. So, let's eat, and then go walking along the beach. We can talk about the future later."

The reminder sent pangs of dread through his stomach. It had only been five days but he'd gotten used to waking up beside Joshua. He had no way of knowing when they'd see each other again. May be at Christmas? That was six weeks away, he sighed.

Joshua let his hand go when they entered his spacious kitchen. He pushed away his dread and headed to the fridge.

"Alexi." He looked up to find Joshua watching him. "It will work out."

Alexi nodded and gave him a small smile. He really hoped it would work out.

****

Tuesday afternoon came too fast. Alexi helped Toda remove Joshua's suitcase from the trunk. Anything to delay the coming separation, he thought as Toda gave him a quizzical glance. He shrugged and took Joshua's carry-on bag.

"Do you have your passport?" he asked as they entered the departures hall. When Joshua held out the small blue book, he asked, "Ticket?"

"Alexi, I'm good to go," Joshua said. "We're on time; I have my phone and reading material."

Alexi nodded and nervously shifted Joshua's carry-on bag from his right hand to his left. The airport was not busy. Toda took Joshua's suitcase to luggage check-in. Alexi watched Joshua talk to the airport attendants behind the counter.

He swallowed the lump in his throat hard. This wasn't goodbye; they'd see each other soon. Joshua finished with his luggage and came toward him. Toda followed at a discrete distance.

"Okay," Joshua said giving him a slight smile. "What's with that face? If you keep looking at me like that, I won't be able to leave."

Alexi chuckled nervously and held out the carry-on bag. Joshua took the bag, tilting his head to the side to study him.

"It's not forever," Joshua said gently. "We'll see each other over Christmas. I'll fly out to meet you in Nagoya. Lily told me you're holding a holiday concert there for four days."

Alexi nodded. "If you can, bring Shane with you."

Joshua smiled. "I promise. He'll get a kick out of that visit."

Alexi stepped closer to Joshua. "Say hello to Alicia, your big sis and your mom. Don't forget to give them my gifts."

"I won't forget," Joshua said quietly.

Toda caught his attention and tapped on his watch. Alexi sighed.

He hugged Joshua then, biting his lip hard to keep from howling in despair at yet another separation.

"Call me every step of the way, especially when you're between connections. Okay?"

"I will," Joshua brushed a kiss on his hair and stepped back. "Don't get sick, Alexi."

"I promise."

His heart heavy, he watched Joshua head toward security check. He watched Joshua's progress, until the officers had cleared him. Toda touched his shoulder but he didn't move, his gaze following Joshua's retreating figure. He let out a sigh when Joshua waved at him from the walkway beyond security. He returned the wave and bit his lip when Joshua disappeared.

"Kotaru-san, we should go," Toda said touching his shoulder. "Your parents are waiting at home, and then you have a flight to Yokohama in three hours."

Alexi gave the spot where Joshua had disappeared one last glance before he turned and allowed Toda to lead him out to the car.

****

Toda drove him straight to his parent's house. He needed to talk to his mother about the offer she'd given Joshua. She was always making decisions, planning his life without him. He sighed as he walked into the house, pausing outside the family room to take in a deep breath. Facing his whole family at once was tough sometimes. He entered the family room a minute later and wasn't surprised to find all his extended relatives and his parents in heated conversation.

"Alexi," Allegra said happily, when she saw him. "I was starting to think you weren't coming."

He greeted his father with a bow and said, "I'm sorry; we got delayed on the exit out of the airport."

"I'm happy you made it," Hideki said. "Greet your elders, we'll talk later."

Alexi bowed to his grandparents, his two aunts and three uncles. He took a seat beside Phillip and wondered how long this meeting was going to take. Their relatives were like judge and jury. They watched their lives like hawks and when something wasn't going right, they descended to pass judgment. How could he expose Joshua to this life?

"Did Josh leave okay?" Phillip asked him as their parents continued talking to their relatives.

"Yeah," Alexi glanced at his phone. "He'll call me when he gets to Narita. He has an hour-long wait until his flight to New York. What did I miss?"

"The usual family politics," Phillip said with a sigh. "I'm the one getting married, but everyone has to decide what kind of ceremony it has to be."

"What does Hikari want?" Alexi asked his brother. "And shouldn't she be here? She's the bride."

"She's dealing with a contract in Sapporo, and won't be back until Friday. I asked her not to come anyway," Phillip answered. "I wanted to save her from this. I wish we could elope."

Alexi chuckled. "I can just imagine what the aunts would say."

"Don't remind me," Phillip shuddered. "Speaking of which, you were on the agenda too. The family went to your Friday concert. There were rumors you might be relocating to New York again."

Alexi tried not to sigh in exasperation. "Is that why mum offered Joshua the job with the foundation?"

"She anticipated there would be that kind of talk especially after your declaration at the first concert." Phillip shrugged. "Mrs. Shuji was looking for a director to take on expanding Zantam New York. Joshua's credentials met all her requirements, so I talked mum into letting them meet. He'll be good for the foundation. And, it will be the easiest way to get the relatives to leave you alone, Alexi. Trust me."

"It was your suggestion then," he said when he met Phillip's gaze. "Why? I should tell Josh not to take the job."

"Don't," Phillip said touching his knee.

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Hideki, their father, said glancing at them. "Your grandparents want to leave."

Phillip gave him a warning glance as they stood. Alexi frowned as he watched Phillip thank their aunts and uncles for taking the time to come over to the house. As though they'd asked them to come, he thought in irritation. He held back his annoyance when he faced his elderly grandfather.

"Alexi," his grandfather said holding out his hand.

Alexi took the frail hand gently. "Yes Grandfather."

"These hands of yours get more talented with time. Come and play for me when you're done traveling around the country."

Alexi smiled when his grandfather squeezed his hands. "Yes, I will grandfather. Thank you for coming to my concert."

He bowed to show respect. His grandfather patted his head gently and headed out of the family room. He spent a few more minutes thanking his grandmother, aunts and uncles. When they all left, he returned to sit next to his brother.

"Phillip, tell Hikari she can plan the wedding as she chooses," Hideki said. "We'll hold it here, spare no expense."

"Thank you Dad," Phillip said with a small smile. "For a moment I was afraid you were going to take Aunt Aoki's suggestions and insist on a traditional wedding. She can be so strict."

"Not at all," Hideki said. "Now, on to Alexi, I hear Joshua Randolph is going to join Mrs. Shuji."

Alexi glanced at Phillip then his mother. When she wouldn't meet his gaze, he sighed. "It's not final yet."

"It's a good decision. Joshua is passionate about his work. He'll be a fresh addition to the foundation. Tell him to take the position, Alexi." Hideki gave his approval. "I'm sorry I missed his visit this time. I'll take you both out for a drink the next time he comes to Japan."

Alexi nodded and frowned when Hideki stood and said, "Alright, family business aside, I'm heading upstairs for a shower. Your mother and I have an important dinner with one of our investors. What time is your flight, Alexi?"

"In two hours," Alexi said standing to hug his father.

"Good, safe journey to Yokohama, and take care of your health," Hideki told him as he let him go.

Hideki rushed away and Alexi turned to his mother and Phillip. "You both have some explaining to do."

"I know you're dying to burst into a rage, but before you do, sit down." Allegra pointed to the chair he'd vacated. "You should thank me."

"Thank you?" Alexi scoffed. "You've committed my boyfriend to a foundation run by this family."

"Alexi," Phillip said moving to a side table by the wall on his left to get coffee. "I told you there was an agenda with your name before you walked in. The relatives wanted to know when you're getting married. Thanks to your passionate declaration about 'someone-you-love', they want to know whether she's from a good family."

"Did you tell them we're in 2013? Whom I love is my business," Alexi joked. He'd figured they would use that against him eventually. "Seriously, when are they going to stop interfering in our lives?"

"Will you take this more seriously?" Allegra said with a frown.

Alexi sighed and stared at his phone. He held it tight, not wanting it far in case Joshua called.

"Mum, if I take this seriously, I'm liable to lose my mind. Why did you do it? Can we start with that? And before talking to me," he shook his head in disappointment. "Did you forget that Josh has a life in New York?"

"I haven't forgotten anything." Allegra accepted the cup of coffee Phillip held out to her with a sigh. "I had my reasons."

"I'm all ears," Alexi said refusing coffee when Phillip offered.

"Mum is protecting you," Phillip said quietly. "I know you, Alexi. You're probably thinking of moving to New York."

"It would be easier," he said sitting back in his chair, easier for Joshua.

"You used up that argument when you insisted on moving in with Adrian." Allegra sipped her coffee and met his gaze. "After Adrian turned out to be a con, no one is willing to imagine you can move to New York permanently. I like Joshua, if you two are truly in love; I need to take steps to protect him from the family."

"It's my life. I can do what I want with it." Alexi scoffed.

"Can you afford to say that?" Allegra asked him with a raised brow. "Your brother is not the only one with obligations to the family. Phillip will end up with Kotaru Industries, but you are responsible for the Zantam Foundation, Alexander. Your grandfather made sure of that, our relatives expect it. I'm just its guardian until you can take over."

He looked away with a sigh. He'd spent most of his life running away from that reality. It was easier to immerse his thoughts in music, composing, performing. It kept obligations at bay.

"Honey, we've tried to tell the family you're gay," Allegra said quietly. "They don't see why that should stop you from marrying anyway to continue the clan. Having Adrian turn into a con man didn't win our argument points. Can you imagine how they'll treat Joshua if we don't protect him?"

Phillip sat beside him with a sigh.

"Don't look so down, little brother. With Joshua working at the foundation, you can come and go as you please. The relatives won't bother you anymore, or ask about you marrying. We'll make sure of that."

"Your brother is right." Allegra chipped in.

Alexi scoffed. "So, what you're saying is, as long as Josh takes the job, you'll make sure the relatives don't judge our life? Or mistreat him?"

"Don't say it as though we're blackmailing you," Phillip said. "This is just how things are in our family, Alexi. You just saw them here, discussing my wedding and fiancé. They have ways to make life miserable if they don't like something. You know that too."

"If you love Joshua as you say, this is the best cause of action." Allegra placed her coffee cup on the table and gave him an imploring glance. "I know what you're going through is not easy. You have a huge family that's watching you at all times, expecting you to uphold tradition. I'm sure you're worried it will all be too much for Joshua. I know that struggle, Alexi. Your father had that worry with me, and look how we turned out. So, you have to trust me."

"I don't know whether to be happy or to cry," Alexi said in a defeated voice.

He hadn't missed this side of his life. He suddenly wished for a family like Joshua's, simple bonds, not the complicated politics that came with old money and family honor. He wished he could let the foundation go, but it would be like cutting off his limbs. He didn't want to be the one who betrayed his grandfather's trust.

"Joshua is getting the best bargain," Allegra pointed out. "I'll be the one dealing with the family and not him."

"You can't guarantee the rest of the family won't seek him out," Alexi said wondering if this was fair to Joshua.

"Joshua's position is autonomous. He will deal with the daily functions of the foundation, not the politics of what our grandparents, aunts and uncles want. None of them are in the board," Phillip advised. "It's the perfect place for your boyfriend."

Alexi glanced at his mother. "I have to tell him."

"Do you?" Allegra asked with a frown.

"Yes," Alexi said painfully. "He has to know what this family is like before he gets too involved to escape."

"Can't you just let him take the job?" Allegra asked him.

He narrowed his gaze at her and she sighed.

"Very well, you're right. Best to let him know we're a bunch of judgmental traditionalists. Our family is a lot to take, but I think Joshua can handle it."

She sighed and picked up her coffee.

"I'm grateful to him, you know. He's brought back a smile on your face and that's worth so much more to me."

Alexi swallowed hard as he realized a future with Joshua might be harder than he'd anticipated. How could he sentence a man he loved to this mess of a family? He had a choice to make, he realized, a life with the family and its constraints or Joshua.

***

Joshua paced the length of his living room, his phone pressed to his ear. He'd spent the last thirty minutes listening to Alexi tell him why Allegra had offered him a position in the foundation. Since he'd landed in New York a week ago, he'd spent hours debating the merits of working for the Zantam Foundation.

Seeing Alexi everyday had been number one on the pros list. Not being able to see Shane often had been number one on the cons list. But, he could manage the sacrifice if it meant a life with Alexi.

"My relatives want me to get married, obviously an unreasonable suggestion," Alexi said. "So, my mother wants to protect you and me. She's promised me that if you work for the Zantam Foundation, she'll quell the family's demands. Have you ever heard of such a thing? It sounds too much like blackmail."

Alexi let out a shaky breath and continued, "My family is impossible, Josh. The stress you'll go through is not worth it."

Family politics, he thought, that's what Alexi was calling it. It all sounded so complicated, when it should be simple. He wanted Alexi. Alexi was in Osaka. This job would give him Alexi, not to mention elevate his career.

He was thirty-three, going on thirty-four in January. Professionally, he'd done well so far. He was a review away from making tenure. He could probably live the rest of his life happily teaching students and doing research.

The future would be safe and set, he thought, a sure thing.

But the opportunity Allegra was offering him only came once in a lifetime. His fellow professors would kill to get the position Allegra was handing him.

"Don't take the job," Alexi said suddenly.

"Why?" Joshua asked frustrated. "I don't care what your family's agenda is, Alexi. If it means we get to be together, I'll take the job."

There was silence on the other end.

"Alexi?"

"I'm being unfair to you," Alexi said with a sad tone. "I know what a position with the foundation means to a scholar like you. It's a chance to pursue research in elite circles; no one would give it up. I'm being terribly unkind asking you to let it go, but you have to let me ask, Josh."

Joshua closed his eyes. "I don't care about that."

"If that's true, then don't take the job," Alexi insisted. "I'll come back to New York when my tour is over. I'll move permanently."

"What will that cost you?" he asked. "Don't lie to me, Alexi."

There was a soft sigh on the other end of the line.

"Nothing I can't get back. I can always teach music. And, I don't need the stage with you in my life, Josh."

Joshua shook his head. Alexi was lying to him. He'd be losing more than a music career. Trying to get Alexi to admit it over the phone was frustrating.

"Can I think about this?" he asked wondering if Lily would give him more insight into this new problem.

"Take all the time you need." Alexi said in a quiet defeated tone.

"I love you," he said.

"I know," Alexi said and ended the call.

He frowned at his phone. That was the first time Alexi hadn't told him I love you back. He tried calling Lily but she didn't answer. He left her a message, hoping she'd call him back.

"Professor?" Stan, his teaching assistant said.

He turned to find the young man holding a stack of essay papers from his third year class. He'd forgotten Stan was working in the dining room grading papers.

"There are a few papers I need to discuss with you. I hope this is not a bad time."

It was the worst time, but maybe he needed a distraction. His head was throbbing from all the debating he'd gone through. Then just when he'd decided to call Allegra to accept the offer, Alexi dared to ask him to give it up.

No one would turn down a position with the Zantam Foundation. He'd be an idiot to walk away.

So what was the right thing to do?

Listen to Alexi, and watch him give up the world stage where he thrived, or take the job regardless of Alexi's concerns. What would that do to their relationship?

"You're frowning, Professor. Are you okay?" Stan asked.

"Not sure," Joshua answered tightly.

He watched Stan arrange the papers his students had written for their latest assignment. It was mid-November. Three weeks before the fall semester ended. He sighed and decided that he and Alexi needed to find a solution in those three weeks. This painful existence was getting unbearable. The longer they stayed apart, the more afraid he got that they were losing each other. He couldn't bear the thought.

Saturday morning, four days after Alexi's call, Joshua woke up to his doorbell ringing urgently. Letting out a yawn, he got up from the couch where he'd fallen asleep the night before, going through the changes his editor had suggested in his manuscript. Scratching his chin, he stumbled to the front door when the ringing persisted.

"What do you want?" he demanded throwing the door open.

"Good morning to you too," Taka Ichido said. "You are clearly not a morning person."

"Taka, what are you doing here?"

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Taka flashed him a wide grin and held up a bag of fresh bagels. "I brought you breakfast."

Joshua stepped back to allow Taka into the house. He closed the door with a frown when Taka walked in as if he owned the place.

"Is Alexi alright?"

"He's fine. He should be in Shizuoka right now," Taka said looking around his living room.

The man removed his expensive black heavy coat and dumped it on the couch Joshua had been sleeping on.

"Where is the kitchen? You look like you need coffee, I'll brew you some."

Joshua frowned when Taka strode through the dining room and into his kitchen. In a black tailored suit, Taka looked like a man about to walk into a boardroom. He followed Taka into the kitchen to find he had removed his suit jacket and was folding the sleeves of his pale blue shirt.

"Have a seat, Josh. Lily sent me. She says you left her a distressed message."

Taka took the coffee pot and rinsed it at the sink before he added water.

"She was supposed to call me back."

Taking the pot of water to the coffee maker in the corner, Taka measured coffee as he spoke.

"She would have, she just didn't have the answers you're looking for."

"I asked her what is going on with Alexi. They spent so much time together, how could she not have the answers? Or did he ask her not to tell me?"

Taka started the coffee maker and shook his head.

"You're definitely suffering. Alexi would never ask Lily to do that for him. Where are the plates?"

Joshua pointed to a cupboard above the coffee maker.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on with Alexi? Why does he not want me to take the job?"

Taka got two plates, which he brought to the counter. He unpacked the bagels, removing a container of cream cheese that he snapped open. He placed a bagel on Joshua's plate and took one to the toaster.

"I like mine toasted."

Joshua fought back his growl of irritation but Taka must have seen it.

"Jeez, grumpy in the morning too," Taka said with a small smile. "Your questions are not so easy to answer. The reason Lily sent me here is to explain what's at stake for Alexi."

"He wants to move to New York after his tour."

"I know, the whole family is up in arms," Taka said with a sigh. "His family has threatened to disinherit him and strike him out of the family registry. That's a very serious thing, Josh. It would mean he couldn't see his family again."

"Why would he keep this from me?" Joshua demanded. "I asked him what he'd lose and he said nothing. Why would his parents threaten to do that to him?"

"The Kotaru family is not just Hideki, Allegra and Phillip, but also the extended family. They control family assets, boards, and businesses. Alexi's financial health depends on those businesses, and assets. If they disinherit Alexi, he loses everything. That's why I'm here today. I am confident you're the only one who can convince him to stop this madness."

Taka smiled when his toasted bagel jumped out. He brought the pieces to the table and spread a generous amount of cream cheese on them.

"How can I stop him?" Joshua asked.

"Take the job," Taka said taking mugs to the coffee pot.

"He asked me not to," Joshua said quietly.

"Then find a way to convince him it's the best cause of action." Taka brought him a mug of coffee. "Alexi believes he's saddling you with a controlling family. He wants to save you by moving here and leaving them behind."

Joshua sipped his coffee with a frown.

"I'm not sure you're here for Alexi."

Taka leaned on the table with a sigh.

"I'm not losing or gaining anything, Joshua. If Alexi stays or goes, I still keep my position. The Kotaru family continues and the only people to get hurt will be his immediate family and Alexi. I only have his best interests at heart. Years from now, he might end up regretting giving up his family."

Joshua frowned. "It might ruin our relationship for good."

Taka held his gaze. "The way I see it, if he loves you enough to give up everything, then he'll forgive you. Can you honestly be happy knowing that Alexi couldn't ever go back to Osaka if he moves here like this?"

*****

Twenty-Six

Joshua touched a green wreath, tugging the red ribbon tied at the top. December was here, and Christmas shopping had taken over everyone's lives. He sighed as he trailed after Alicia at Pearls on Canal Street. She was shopping for painting supplies for their older sister Jenny's son. He'd won an art competition a week ago.

"Josh," Alicia said and he glanced up to find her watching him. "Are you still worrying about Alexi?"

He nodded and dropped his hand away from the wreath. He moved to watch her sort through different brand names of oil paints.

She was glowing, he thought. Her pregnancy was going very well. Her husband, Patrick, was doting on her every move. She was happy and he envied her. He and Alexi, he sighed. If their lives were simpler, this wouldn't be so hard.

Taka's visit last weekend kept floating in his head. Alexi's family, he was afraid to meet them. How could they threaten Alexi like that?

"What do I do?" Joshua asked meeting Alicia's concerned gaze. "Alexi is adamant about moving here. He doesn't care that his family will disown him. How can I let that happen?"

Alicia sighed and chose a brand. She placed the paints in the shopping basket he held and tugged his scarf.

"I want to be selfish," she said with a sigh. "I can't imagine New York without you, Josh. Whom would I drag to these places? Or go for lunch with?"

He started to talk, but she stopped him with a small smile.

"Don't look so stricken. I'm not trying to put you on the spot. My point is the right thing to do here is to follow your heart. What can you live with?"

Joshua frowned.

"I can let Alexi do what he wants. Since he wants to move here, I should let him."

"Are you sure it's what he wants?" Alicia asked and continued down the aisle.

He stared after her.

Since Alexi had asked him to let the job go, their calls had dwindled. He couldn't bear it, but he just didn't understand why Alexi wasn't telling him the truth. They needed trust between them. He knew that much. If they couldn't manage trust then all this was useless.

Yet, Alexi's love shone bright in his willingness to sacrifice his life, as he knew it. If he were to judge him by what Taka had said, Alexi's love for him was beyond measure.

"Let's go, I'm done," Alicia said taking his left arm. "I still need to buy Shane's gift, I think I'll get him a new cell phone. What do you say?"

"He'll love it," Joshua said absentminded.

Alicia laughed.

"The last time I said that you almost had my head for lunch. You definitely need some help."

Joshua smiled at her as they reached the check out line.

"It might not be such a bad idea, lil' sis. It will be the easiest way to keep in touch with Shane."

"Does that mean you're considering the offer?" Alicia asked as the cashier checked them out.

"Every minute," Joshua answered quietly.

Alicia glanced at him for a second before she handed over her card to the cashier. Joshua took the shopping bag and waited for Alicia to finish with the cashier. She didn't talk until they were on the street.

"Then take the offer," Alicia said.

"What about Alexi?" he asked with a sigh. "I mean-,"

"What about you?" Alicia asked. "Director of Asian Culture at the Zantam Foundation, how many times does such a position come your way? They wouldn't have asked you if you weren't qualified. I think you should focus on that as well."

Joshua smiled at Alicia's vehement argument.

"You're right, but I also have to consider Alexi."

"He has to consider you too," she insisted. "He's living his dream, Josh, his music, his stage, and you. I think he has to give you the chance to live yours too. So, I hope you choose to take the job."

"What about shopping and dragging me through the streets of New York?" he asked her. "If I take this job, I'll need to stay in Japan sometimes."

She slipped her hand on his elbow and grinned.

"It just means I get a chance to fly over to Japan and drag you through the streets of Tokyo."

"Osaka," he corrected thinking he'd live with Alexi.

"Osaka then," Alicia said happily. "Talk some sense into Alexi, Josh. It makes no sense for him never to see his family. You'll both be happier if you take the job."

Joshua tugged her into a hug. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Thanks, Alicia."

"Anytime," Alicia said. "You owe me lunch. I'm craving mum's brownies. Let's go to her bakery."

"Seriously," Joshua asked with a sigh. "That's going to take forever."

"Hey, I'm the one who's eating for two, not you. Come on," Alicia insisted.

Joshua hugged her tighter; aware that it was probably going to be a while before they had another such outing. Snow was falling again. He looked up at the tiny flakes and felt a small smile tug at his lips.

*****

Alexi missed five notes before he gave up on playing the music on the sheets before him. His mother's heels rapped a beat on the wooden stage and he couldn't concentrate. She'd shown up right after lunch wearing a grim expression. He could almost hear her anger boil inside her.

"Mum, please, can't you stop pacing?" he asked.

"Take it back," Allegra insisted pausing long enough to glare at him. "Why would you ask Joshua not to work for Zantam?"

"Because, you're treating us like pawns in a game. If Joshua works for you, you'll end up finding a way to manipulate him."

"Your lack of trust really hurts me," Allegra accused. "What do you want me to say?'

"That you'll let me leave for New York peacefully," Alexi said closing the piano.

He shifted on the bench so that he was facing her.

"How can I?" Allegra demanded. "How can I tell your grandfather that you're leaving? How Alexi, when even I can't find the strength to let you go?"

"You helped me when it was Adrian," Alexi pointed out. "Why is it different now?"

"Look what happened with Adrian?"

Alexi closed his eyes. "Are you going to punish me for that the rest of my life? Mum, let it go. Josh is not Adrian."

"You're right, he isn't Adrian. He's taking you from me," Allegra said with quiet anger.

"Enough," he stood up. "I love him. I want a life with him, one without the family meddling. I'm not taking it back. The moment this tour is over, I'm moving to New York."

Allegra gaped at him. She turned away from him after a second with a sigh.

"You know what comes with that."

"I do," Alexi said firmly. "I'll apologize to grandfather myself."

She nodded.

"What about your father, Phillip and me? Is it that easy for you to walk away from us?"

Alexi bit his inner lip to stop the tears that filled his eyes.

"You know it's not."

Allegra swallowed hard.

"Fine, if that's what you've decided. I'll do what I can to make it easy for you with your grandfather."

Alexi nodded and gave her a low bow.

"I'm sorry, Mum. This is the only way I know to protect him."

"Well, I hope he knows what you're giving up for him," Allegra said when he lifted his head. She closed the distance between them, and caressed his jaw with gentle fingers. "My dear Alexi, I would never let you go, you know that, right? No matter where you go, I'll come visit you. I love you."

He forced down the lump in his throat and managed. "I love you too."

He breathed in her perfume and closed his eyes as she held him tight. He'd miss her terribly. She'd always tried to protect him in a fight to let him be whom he wanted. He'd miss her strength.

After she left, he couldn't concentrate on rehearsals. Retreating to his dressing room, he decided to call Joshua on Skype.

"I was just about to call you," Joshua said when he answered. "Are you at the concert venue?"

"Yeah," he said. "My mother just left."

"Did she want you to change your mind about my job?" Joshua asked.

Alexi sank into the leather couch set against the wall in his dressing room. "How did you know?"

"I'm calling to ask you to change your mind too. I want the job, Alexi."

"What?" Alexi sighed. "Josh-"

"No, you listen, this is my career. I have every right to do what I want with it. So, you should support my dreams too."

"But-"

"But what, Alexi?" Joshua asked his tone hard. "When are you going to tell me the truth about what you'll lose if you move here?"

"I've told you, I'm losing nothing."

"Bullshit," Joshua countered. "You're lying to me."

"Our relationship is what matters here," Alexi insisted. "My family-,"

"I'm not in love with your family, Alexi." Joshua said firmly. "I'm in love with you. I need you to trust me. So, choose, right now. Tell me what's going on in your head."

Alexi couldn't get the words out. He couldn't tell Joshua about his inheritance, or the shock his grandfather was going to have when he gave up stewardship of the Foundation. He sighed.

"It has nothing-"

"Call me when you can tell me the truth," Joshua said and ended the call abruptly.

Alexi gasped and stared at the dark screen. He closed his eyes and dropped the phone on the coffee table. Why was this so hard? He just wanted to protect Joshua from the family. All he had to do was hold on until the tour ended and then he'd be in New York. Joshua wouldn't be angry with him anymore. He sighed and hoped he was right.

****

Joshua studied his phone, pain in his heart. He hadn't liked yelling at Alexi, but how else was he going to get at the truth. He sat back on the comfortable chair in the borrowed office at the Zantam New York branch. Taka was arranging papers that he wanted him to sign.

"He still won't tell me," Joshua grumbled looking at Taka. Placing his phone on the shiny mahogany desk, he picked up the contract Taka passed to him. "Why is he so stubborn?"

"He loves you," Taka said with a small grin. "But, I suspect he's probably met his match with you. Once you sign these, you'll be a Zantam Foundation Director. I'm hoping your lawyer answered any questions you might have had."

Joshua nodded. He'd taken the documents to Malcolm Deveraux for advice. Malcolm had assured him it was an overly generous offer, with no hidden clauses to control his life when he least expected it. He picked up the pen Taka held out and paused.

"Before I sign this, I need to clear something up with Allegra Kotaru," he said. "How can I talk to her?"

Taka gave him a pained look. Joshua put the pen on the side of the papers and Taka gave a sigh. He watched Taka reach for his phone and dial a few numbers. They waited for Allegra to answer.

"She's not in a good mood these days," Taka warned as he put the cell phone on the table on speaker. "Alexi's coup is making her cranky."

"What's the problem?" Allegra answered abruptly.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Kotaru," Joshua said cordially. "I hoped we could talk."

"Joshua," she said with a sigh. "You're the last person I want to talk to right now."

Taka stood. "I'm going to get myself a cup of coffee." He hurried out of the office, making sure to close the door behind him.

"Why is that, Mrs. Kotaru?" Joshua asked.

"Alexi is leaving Japan for good because of you," Allegra said without pulling any punches. She wasn't happy, and he could hear it in her voice. "He's determined to put us all through hell."

"He is not moving for good, Mrs. Kotaru," he said in a gentle tone. "Please trust me. I want to sign the contracts Taka prepared for the position you offered."

"Does Alexi know?" Allegra asked in shock.

"No," Joshua said. "But before I accept this position, I need guarantees from you."

"Guarantees?" Allegra asked in amusement. "I'm the one offering the job, Mr. Randolph."

"This has nothing to do with the job. It's about your son, Mrs. Kotaru."

"What about my son?"

"I want a life with him, but judging from what he's been telling me these past three weeks, he's terrified you'll interfere if I take this job."

Allegra remained silent at her end, so Joshua continued.

"I want a promise from you," he said firmly.

"What promise?" Allegra demanded.

"That you'll leave us alone, leave Alexi to me," Joshua said quietly. "I'm in love with him."

"Love is for the birds," Allegra said with a scoff. "It flies out the window when the going gets tough. How can I trust you won't walk away once you get what you want from Alexi?"

"Faith," Joshua said, he didn't have any other words that could reassure Allegra. He just knew it deep in his heart that he and Alexi would be forever. "That's what I trust. I don't want Alexi to be sad when he can't see you. I want him to keep playing his music. I want to be with him-"

"Enough," Allegra said.

"I won't let you or anyone come between me and Alexi. Our relationship is separate from this job. If you can't agree to that, tell me now and I'll just let Alexi move here."

"Is that a threat, Joshua?" Allegra asked. "Don't think I can't make him stay. I can find a way."

Joshua stood up and moved away from the table pacing to the windows. He had no doubt that she could, that scared him, but he couldn't back down now. For Alexi's sake, he needed to make a stand. He walked back to the table and picked up the phone, pressing it to his ear as he paced back to the windows.

"You're missing my point, Mrs. Kotaru. You and I are not in a battle. We both love Alexi and want what's best for him. If you can't see that, then we can't move forward."

There was silence on Allegra's end for a few moments.

"I find myself in a unique place. I've always been the one protecting Alexi. Now here you are, quite capable of taking care of him, probably better than I ever could because you see the side of him he keeps from me. But, I'm worried you'll not be strong enough to protect him from the deep prejudices you'll find in our world, Joshua."

"Why did you offer me this job?"

"I'd like to say your impressive resume," she said quietly.

"Don't hold back now," Joshua said with a small laugh. "Alexi wouldn't react the way he has if it was as you say. If I take the job, it will be because I'm qualified for it."

"The Zantam Foundation does need you, Joshua. Family matters aside; you're the best man for the job."

"Family matters aside?" Joshua asked.

"I know what you want from me, but I can't separate the family from the foundation."

"Yes you can," Joshua insisted. "You have to do it for Alexi."

"I can't," Allegra said quietly. "But I can make sure you and Alexi don't get drawn into the extended family drama."

"What about you? Who'll make sure you won't interfere with us?" he asked matching her tone.

She chuckled.

"I suppose you will, Joshua. Isn't that what you're doing right now? Making sure I don't interfere?"

He smiled.

"I can't change overnight," Allegra said then. "If I promise to work on not meddling, will you take the job?"

"I'll take the job, but you have to remember that work is separate from my personal life. Alexi is a huge part of my personal life, Mrs. Kotaru."

"Understood," Allegra said after a minute, "you drive a hard bargain, Joshua Randolph. I wouldn't accept anything less."

Joshua smiled. "Thank you for the opportunity."

"Make my son happy," Allegra said abruptly then hung up.

*****

Alexi scrolled through the messages on his phone with a sigh. There were no new messages from Joshua. He lay on the couch in the back of the bus wallowing and Lily was doing her best to cheer him up by decorating the tour bus for the holidays. She sat in an armchair putting ornaments on a Christmas tree while she hummed to English Christmas songs. There was only one week to Christmas and he wanted nothing to do with it.

He and Joshua hadn't spoken much since their last phone call a week ago, when Joshua had asked him for the truth. Joshua had sounded strained, preoccupied. The distance in Joshua's voice had felt like it was shredding their relationship.

His mother's visit hadn't helped. She was angry with him and he couldn't blame her. The family was outraged with his news to move permanently to New York. His grandfather had decided that if he left the country, then he was no longer fit to take care of the Foundation. His family had spent days cajoling, ranting, and threatening him to change his mind.

But what choice did he have?

How could he trust Joshua to a family that wanted to cut him off just because he wanted to relocate?

He'd tried to call Joshua several times but his boyfriend was ignoring his calls. It was driving him insane not being able to get a hold of Joshua. Twice now, he'd stopped himself from just abandoning the tour and getting on a plane to go find Joshua in New York. This insane silence was torture.

It was a cold afternoon, no snow, but the temperatures were low; the driver was crawling through traffic driving into Nagoya city. He had twenty more concerts to go, the end of January was still so far away. There was no way he could wait that long to see Joshua. They needed to talk, seriously. He sighed and turned over to his side.

"You look like you're in mourning," Lily said with a sigh. "I'm missing Taka too, you know."

"He's an hour or two away." Alexi tucked his phone into his pocket and watched her clip white reindeer on the branches of the tree. "My poor Josh is all the way in New York. And he's angry with me. I feel as if he'll never forgive me for asking him not to take that job."

"He loves you," Lily said with a small smile. "He'll forgive you."

"Love is not always enough to make a relationship work," Alexi said quietly. "Mum told me that once. I'm starting to see what she meant."

"Enough with that attitude," Lily warned him with a glare. "I know what you and Josh mean to each other."

"It's not an attitude, it's the truth," Alexi said sitting up; he put his sock feet on the carpet and met Lily's glare. "Sacrifice, endurance, pain, and compromise, that's what makes a relationship. Love is like the icing on the cake."

Lily laughed and he scowled at her. She raised her arms in surrender when he threw a pillow at her.

"You're just surprising me, Alexi. You've really grown up."

Alexi threw another pillow at her head and she ducked gracefully.

"You'd better take notes if you and Taka are to survive."

"We're not the topic here, you and Josh are," Lily countered. "Do you trust Joshua?"

"Of course," Alexi said.

"Then know he'd never do this to you unless something has happened," Lily said quietly. "And you're wrong about love."

"Why?"

"If love was only on the surface, you'd never have made it this far. Love is the reason why the sacrifice, endurance, pain and compromise work. Without love, you wouldn't need those things and there wouldn't be a relationship, my dear."

Alexi sighed and glanced out the tinted windows at the cold afternoon. "I don't want to spend Christmas without him."

Lily tossed a white reindeer at him. Taking the small statue, he touched the red nose she'd painted with a marker. He glanced at her and she winked.

"Keep the lights burning, you never know."

"You're an idiot," he said with a chuckle.

He held the reindeer statue up and studied the red nose. He hoped Joshua would forgive him and call him back.

****

Three hours later, installed in a suite on the top floor of the Nagoya Tokyu hotel, Alexi dialed Joshua's number. He paced the length of the sitting area, his hand trailing the back of a cream love seat. He closed his eyes with a sigh when his call rang unanswered again. Dialing the number again, he continued pacing, his heart hammering in his chest.

What if something had happened to Joshua, and he couldn't answer his phone. Or maybe Shane was sick again, and Joshua didn't have his phone with him. He stopped short. He ended the call to Joshua, pulled up Alicia's number and dialed.

Holding on to the wooden edge of the love seat, he waited while Alicia's phone rang.

"Hello?" Alicia's sleepy voice filled his ears.

"Alicia, it's Alexi," he said in relief. "I've been trying to get a hold of Josh and there's no response. Is he okay?"

"He is fine," Alicia said gently. "He should be at his house; he's been so busy lately. The end of the semester and all that, the students aren't leaving him alone."

"Is he still angry with me?" Alexi asked. "Is that why he won't answer my calls?"

Alicia kept silent for a minute.

"Please, tell me, Alicia. I can't stand the silence."

"I think you need to wait for him," Alicia said sleepily. "Call him in the morning, alright? Are you taking care of yourself?"

"What does it matter when I can't think straight?" Alexi snapped. "I swear he better have broken fingers that he can't press a button to answer my calls."

Alexi hung up and threw the phone on the love seat. Was Joshua that angry with him? Over a job? Come on, this was insane. Why couldn't Joshua just yell at him and get it over with?

Alexi sighed and shook his head. He was going crazy thinking about this.

Walking around the love seat, he picked up his phone and dialed Phillip.

"I need your help. Please can you get me to New York fast?"

He didn't stop to think about what he was doing.

Blinded by a haze of worry, he took the private jet arranged by Phillip and landed in New York eleven hours later. The car service he'd called during his flight picked him at the airport and he was on the way to Joshua's house.

****

Joshua opened his front door at around eight o'clock in the evening. He walked into his house carrying a careful wrapped package and an envelope he'd collected from the NYU administrative office. He was officially no longer a Professor at New York University. He dropped his keys on the table in the hallway and headed into his living room. He almost dropped his packages when he saw the figure seated on a chair surrounded by moving boxes.

"Welcome home." Alexi said with a low tone. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Alexi, what are you doing here?" he asked in shock. "Aren't you supposed to be at a concert?"

Moving to the wall, he hit the light switch flooding the room with warm light. His gaze helplessly going over Alexi's lean figure, that beloved face, he spotted dark shadows under Alexi's eyes with regret.

"Are you alright?" he asked placing the box and envelope on the coffee table. Alicia was supposed to take in the dining room chairs, coffee table and a few knick-knacks tomorrow. "I'm sorry-,"

"Are you hurting?" Alexi asked quietly cutting him off. "Obviously nothing is broken, so I need to know if you're hurting inside."

"No, I'm healthy as a horse," he answered with a teasing tone. "Alexi."

"Then why?" Alexi demanded standing up.

His brown eyes glittering with anger, Joshua could only gasp. Alexi was dressed in all black: an open heavy black pea coat, black light sweater and jeans, with his hair disheveled, he looked like he hadn't slept in a while.

"You've ignored my calls and messages for the past three weeks. I even called Alicia to try to get a hold of you. She said you were busy. Why would you do this to me? Is it because I said you couldn't take the job my mother offered? I know you're angry but to punish me this way. I've been losing my mind with worry. Why would you-," Alexi broke off and looked away. He wiped a hand down his face and shook his head. "Then I walked in here, and all your stuff is packed. Are you going bankrupt or something? Why is everything gone? Why won't you talk-?"

"You won't give me a chance," Joshua cut in.

"Are you leaving me?" Alexi demanded abruptly. "If that's what you're doing, tell me now."

Words weren't going to penetrate Joshua thought as he took a step forward and pulled Alexi into his arms. Wrapping his arms tight around Alexi, he sighed when Alexi held stiff.

"I'm not leaving you," he said into Alexi's ear. "I'm sorry. I just-,"

"You just, what?" Alexi asked his voice hard.

"I wanted to call you when it was over; that way you wouldn't be able to protest."

Joshua rubbed his hands over Alexi's back trying to relieve the tense shoulders.

"I'm so sorry; I thought this way was best. You kept protesting, I figured if I left you no choice-"

"Why are you moving?" Alexi asked. "Are you in trouble?"

"Most definitely," Joshua answered. "I'm moving to Osaka and I don't have a place to stay. I was hoping to sweet talk you into letting me move into your house."

"What?" Alexi stepped back in shock.

Joshua smiled at him.

"I took your mother's offer. I signed the papers last week."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Alexi demanded.

"You told me not to take the job." Joshua narrowed his gaze at him. "I wasn't going to take the offer until Taka showed up here and told me what you're giving up."

"He had no right."

"Yes, he did," he said. He reached for Alexi's right hand and held it tight. "You were going to move to New York, giving up your family, your career, everything, without telling me. How can you expect me to live happily when you can't ever see your family?"

Alexi looked way. "I was doing it for us."

"Well, I'm helping you solve this problem." Joshua squeezed Alexi's slender fingers before he brought them to his lips. Pressing a soft kiss on Alexi's cool skin, he sighed. "You should have told me what was going on."

"I didn't want to saddle you with my family and their issues," Alexi said meeting his gaze. "Your mom was so good to me. Your family was kind, and accepting of me. But mine," he shuddered and dropped his gaze. "They're not easy people, Joshua."

Joshua pinched Alexi's nose slightly.

"Idiot," he accused.

"What?" Alexi looked at him in surprise.

"We're partners. We're there for each other no matter what. I've told you before; I'll do anything to protect what we have. So, I'm moving to Osaka for now."

"What about Shane?" Alexi asked.

"Sherry and I had a long talk. Since we'll probably end up spending our summers here in New York, she'll allow Shane to stay with us. We can always visit him for Christmas or have him visit us. We'll work that out."

Alexi nodded and gave him a shaky smile.

"Feel better?" he asked stroking a finger down Alexi's jaw. "What happened?"

"I-," Alexi started then stopped. "I might have panicked and over reacted a bit. One second I was trying to call you, the next; I just couldn't take the silence anymore. I just boarded a plane and came to find you."

Joshua bit back a chuckle; it looked like they'd both overreacted out of panic. When Taka had told him what Alexi was planning, he'd made his choice. Two days longer and he would have been the one surprising Alexi in Japan. His ticket sat on the dining table. Alexi had obviously not seen it or he wouldn't have worried so much.

"What about your concert?"

"I have to fly out in a couple of hours. Lily is going to kill me. She'll have to cancel a lot of appointments today and tomorrow." Alexi sighed and closed the distance between them. Alexi locked his arms around Joshua's neck and buried his face into his shoulder. "Please don't ever do that to me again."

"Not on purpose." Joshua wrapped his arms around Alexi, and held him tight. "I love you, Alexi."

"I love you too," Alexi murmured with a relieved sigh. "I'm so sleepy. Can we talk later? Do you still have a bed in this house?"

Joshua laughed, and squeezed Alexi against him. "I've got you, Alexi."

***

Alexi woke up with the sun in his eyes, rolling over with a slight sigh. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Joshua. He propped his head up with his left arm and studied Joshua sleep. Dark eyelashes against his skin, Joshua made his heart ache with love. He touched the dark wavy hair with his right hand, teasing the curls, the light flooding in from the windows turning the strands different shades of black.

Joshua shifted and he went still when electric blue eyes met his. His heart had stopped the first time he saw them. That day in a park, so long ago, it felt like a lifetime. Somehow in that lifetime, he'd come to depend on the love he saw in Joshua's eyes. That brilliant emotion shining so clearly, it made him breathless.

"Morning," Joshua said quietly.

"Morning to you too," he said matching Joshua's tone.

He leaned to kiss Joshua. Their kiss healed the places inside him that had suffered with longing these past weeks. He broke their kiss and smiled.

Joshua studied him for a moment then he moved, sitting up, he reached for something on the bedside table on his side. Alexi sat up when Joshua turned to him and held out a blue box.

"What's this?" Alexi said with a laugh.

"Open it," Joshua said sweeping fingers through Alexi's hair.

Alexi grinned and shook the box. "What's inside?"

Joshua bit his lip and pointed to the box.

"Come on, open it."

Alexi undid the blue ribbon and opened the box cover. He found a small gray jewelry box. Removing it, he glanced at Joshua, before he snapped it open. There were two solid white gold rings in the box.

"Be with me, Alexi," Joshua said quietly. "I want to grow old with you. I promise to love you, until the day I die and beyond."

Alexi felt tears flood his eyes. Staring at the rings in his hand, his heart so full, and his answer burst out of him, "Yes, to forever!"

Joshua's smile rivaled the sun's rays flooding the bedroom. Alexi got on his knees and flung himself into Joshua's arms. Holding Joshua tight, Alexi thanked the gods for bringing him into his life.

He pressed a kiss into Joshua's ear and sighed when his phone rang behind him spoiling the moment. He didn't move an inch; he kept holding Joshua not ready to let go just yet.

"That's probably Lily," Joshua said rubbing his back.

"She can wait," Alexi said with a sigh. "I'm in trouble anyway. I won't get back to Nagoya until tomorrow. It's done."

"Should I come with you?" Joshua asked.

The question had Alexi pulling back. "Do you mean that?"

"I have a ticket for an afternoon flight tomorrow-,"

Alexi kissed him and he chuckled under the sweet joyful assault.

"I take it that's a yes."

Alexi hugged him tight.

"That's a hell yes," he said happily.

"You're just afraid to face Lily alone." Joshua teased him.

Alexi relaxed against him and sighed.

"I'll face anything if you stay with me, Joshua Randolph."

Joshua pulled away and got off the bed. Holding out his hand to Alexi, he smiled.

"Then come on, we have a lot of things to do before we can go home."

Home, Alexi thought hugging the box of rings in his hand. He took Joshua's hand and smiled.

"Home is wherever you are, Josh."

****

Epilogue

Joshua drove along the quiet road that would take him to the beach house. His window rolled down, allowing the warm breeze to drift into the car. He smiled. Spring was his favorite time of the year. The trees were blooming, the air changing, his smile widened when he turned the car on to a tree-lined driveway, happy to be home.

He'd spent two days in Tokyo and missed the chance to pick up Shane from the airport. Sherry had agreed to let him visit Osaka during spring break. His son was growing up so fast; he couldn't wait to see him.

He parked the car at the front of the house, sitting for a moment to stare at the house he'd called home for three years now, his and Alexi's home. He got out of the car, suddenly eager to see him, and hurried up the short steps to the front door.

"I'm home," he called out when he was inside.

Removing his jacket, he hanged it on a coat hanger.

"Alexi, Shane?" he called again but there was no answer.

Glancing at his watch, he frowned. It was only ten in the morning. They should be home. Deciding to check the kitchen before going upstairs, Joshua undid his tie and unbuttoned his white shirt. He yawned, feeling the effects of traveling on his shoulders. He needed a hot shower and a few hours of sleep.

When he entered the bright kitchen, his frown deepened when he found it empty. He walked to the fridge to get a bottle of water and smiled when he saw the pictures stuck on the door. Alexi's smiling face at the beach, Alexi and Shane on the train to Tokyo; he touched the smiles on their faces.

An excited shout caught his attention, he glanced out the kitchen windows, and there they were. Alexi was laughing as he held up a water gun trying to ward off Shane's attack. He wasn't succeeding, Joshua thought with a quiet laugh. Alexi's white t-shirt was getting soaked. The two of them ran off down to the beach.

Joshua hurried out the kitchen door and followed them. He stopped on the slight hill leading down to the beach to find them laying on the sand their water guns discarded. Alexi turned on his side and propped his head up to study Shane.

Joshua hurried down the slight incline removing his shoes and socks when he hit the sand. Alexi glanced up right then, and touched Shane's shoulder.

"Dad's here," Alexi said.

Shane sat up and gave a happy shout when he saw him. Joshua's heart squeezed tight when Shane stood and ran toward him. Joshua closed his eyes when slender arms tightened around his waist.

"We were waiting for you," Shane said stepping back. "Alexi made the best pancakes. We kept them for you because you were going to be late. What took you so long?"

"I'm sorry I missed breakfast," Joshua said ruffling Shane's hair. Shane had cut it short for the summer. "I saw you two playing out here. Who won the water gun fight?"

"I did," Shane said with a laugh.

Joshua let Shane lead him to Alexi who sat watching them with somber brown eyes.

"Alexi's terrible at water gun combat."

"Hey, I can hear you," Alexi warned. "Next time, I won't hold back."

Shane laughed. "We'll see. Can we take pictures? I promised Aunt Alicia pictures of us at the beach."

Joshua winked at Alexi.

"Shane, why don't you get your camera?"

"Yes!" Shane ran off toward the house and Joshua watched after him with a sense of pride. Turning, his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Alexi.

"Hey you," he said moving closer. Taking the hand Alexi held out to him, he tugged him to his feet and into his arms. He closed his eyes when Alexi kissed him.

"Welcome home." Alexi said when they moved apart. "We missed you last night. We had a video game marathon. I might have sprained my thumbs."

Joshua laughed and hugged him tight, breathing in his scent. "I thought you were the king of video games?"

"So did I, but Shane won last night," Alexi said against his neck. "How was Tokyo?"

"Busy, lonely," Joshua answered pressing kisses on Alexi's neck. "Next time, you're coming with me."

"Count on it," Alexi said with a slight moan, his fingers digging into his back. "If you keep doing that, this beach is going to get R rated soon."

Joshua chuckled and kissed him again. "Fine, I'll stop if you promise to feed me."

"Didn't you hear? I have the best pancakes waiting for you in the kitchen." Alexi teased leaning back to meet his gaze.

"So I've heard," Joshua smiled staring into warm brown eyes. He couldn't remember the time before Alexi. In his world, it seemed Alexi had always been by his side, waiting for him, loving him. "Do you know what?"

Alexi raised a brow in question. "What?"

"I'm the luckiest man there is," he said.

Alexi kissed his jaw and smiled. "We're both lucky, Josh. You and Shane are my everything."

****

Fin

****

About The Author:

Suilan Lee was born in a small town in South Korea, and grew up moving from one city to another. She works with an aide organization, teaching others ways of making their lives better. In her spare time, she loves writing romance stories, set in different cities with characters who live ordinary lives and fight for extraordinary love and happiness. She believes in a happy ending and will always work toward making one happen.

For more stories:

Visit her blog: Suilan Lee|Fiction

Follow on Twitter: @LeeSuilan
