hey guys.. I don't even know how to do
this intro. I never thought the day would
come where I'd be sitting here talking
about this.. we've tried to film this ten
times now and I've cried every single
time and.. we are a few weeks in of me and
Nathan no longer being together and I
don't even know where to begin there's
no easy way to say this but we did break
up. I've used a lot of this time of
silence to just try to heal you know
we're both in a state of shock
I'm devastated I'm so sad and the love
of my life is no longer wait I don't I
don't wake up to him anymore he's no
longer here every morning and my
routines have changed and I'm just in a
state of shock right now we both are
but I really wanted to take some time
for myself I was really emotional there
was so many things happening in my head
and you know this isn't like an Internet
fight this isn't drama
this isn't T this is my real life and me
and my soul mate are really going
through it and we're both we've both
been through so much the last few years
so I know a lot of you are really
shocked I'm shocked and I feel like I
only want an explanation because Nathan
and I have grown with each other in
front of all of you and I can't believe
he's not here right now but I do want to
share what's been going on and I do want
to talk to you guys first of all I know
I've been radio silent on social media I
want to say thank you to every single
person that has sent me well wishes not
knowing what's going on now the Internet
is brutal and I've learned a lot from
not being on my phone the last few weeks
this this is hard to say my soulmate is
no longer with me and it's been so hard
the last thing I ever wanted to do was
stay on camera but me and him have
filmed so many videos together we've
traveled the world together I and I just
want to put this on record that nathan
is the only man that I've ever been in
love with and I know he's not here today
but he wanted to say hi and sent his
look to everyone it's been difficult
because Nathan never wanted to be in the
spotlight right we fell for each other
when we met how we felt for each other
so hard and I'm grateful for him and
I'll be grateful until the day I die
because this was the only man that was
ever confident enough to love me
publicly to love me for me fully all my
flaws no make up waking up in bed to
full-on like you know what I mean like
he never cared about any of it and he
just loved me for me and no man has ever
had those feelings I don't think for me
and I've never loved someone like I've
loved him and I've talked about this
before but people used to always keep me
the secret ten years ago you guys it was
not how it is today there was so many
people afraid there was dude Zach would
be in love with me but they were afraid
what their families would say or people
in their life
and I would always get shut out and shut
down and when Nathan entered my life I
was jaded I was angry I was just hurting
my company and I was on a whole new
journey and life God whatever you guys
want to call it or believe in out there
put him in my life for a reason and he
changed me he changed me for the better
and that's why I'm so appreciative of
him because he showed me how to love
myself he showed me how to love people
in my life better
just for loving me for who I am
and I had never had that before I was
always the secret and he changed my
world so the fact that we're no longer
together I know it's really shocking to
a lot of you I want to say thank you to
every single person that has reached out
I checked social media here and there
but it was really rough and I got to say
that it's been insane people trying to
get information okay like this sounds so
horrible but imagine you're breaking up
with someone anyone out there watching
this if you've lost the love of your
life if you've broken up with someone if
you've had a divorce if you've had a
nasty breakup if you've had a calm
normal breakup but you lost someone that
you were really in love with then you
know what I'm going through I do want to
say that my mother is okay right now but
there was a fake story that she passed
away and my mom was calling me like what
the hell
imagine your own mother wakes up to say
a news article that she's not no longer
with us I
on top of going through this stuff with
Nathan my mom is okay but she's not
great right she's she lives in this
beautiful home now so happy that a lot
of my family are with me and I'm gonna
spend every day with her until it's her
laughs so I don't know what is gonna
happen with my mom this year it's very
touch-and-go she's okay right now but um
it was scary to see people just make
stuff up also my grandmother okay
102 years old grandma Mary's not doing
well at all and I need to see her soon
before it's too late so there's already
all that stuff going on and then Oh sex
part really kills me to say but we've
had family try to reach out to the media
to make money off of me and Nathan's
breakup
I don't even how to process that we're
over here heartbroken dealing with our
emotions dealing with things behind the
scenes and off camera and there's family
trying to tell the media fake stories
get money out of it there's people that
I haven't spoken to in years even before
meeting Nathan that are trying to talk
about us how can you talk about someone
you've never met it's been a lot so I
want to say this it's 20/20 okay we're
gonna start things off fresh I'm
starting this year off alone and I can't
even believe I'm saying that I'm so
devastated but I'm strong and you guys
know that me and Nate had been through
so much together and there's no crazy
gossip there's no tea this is actually
really important and I don't think that
enough celebrities influencers people
with a platform talk about and that's
mental health a few years ago Nathan
lost his grandfather in a very tragic
way you guys know that me and Nathan
we lost two dogs last year and we lost
diamond on the fifth in the summer and
daddy on October 6 so this week has been
horrible the fifth and the sixth are
always really really tough for us and
daddy only passed away three months ago
diamonds been seven eight months and we
still haven't even fully processed that
you know he hasn't even processed his
grandfather yet we haven't processed our
dogs fully because this lifestyle is so
crazy and we're always on to the next
thing filming the next thing me and him
have never just sat down and processed
our emotions we're both broken and we
were both so busy being there for each
other that we forgot to be here for
ourselves and that's what 20/20 is is
focusing on our own selves me and Nathan
are friends I feel like I need to say
that because I flick the internet
spirals and create so many false stories
me and Nathan will be friends forever I
will always have love for him are we in
love with each other no but we love each
other and he will always be in my life
he know I know a lot of you were like
Geoffrey you just uploaded in a house
tour and I know a lot of you were like
Nathan seemed kind of off in the videos
you guys Nathan never loved being on
camera you can replay all of our videos
he loved being behind the scenes he
never wanted to be famous he never
wanted to be in the spotlight he never
wanted attention but he loved and
believed in everything I was doing and
was a part of it because I asked him to
so you know he deleted all this social
media a month or two ago and a lot of
people wanted to make stuff about like
you know stuff up about that you guys
imagine not wanting to be famous I know
that's published shocking to a lot of
people like using so many videos and
doesn't want to leave his house and have
people bother him and I have to respect
that my life is so public and I think I
just got to a breaking a breaking point
where it just wasn't it just wasn't
healthy now he is my one and only true
love and when you are watching someone
you love go through really harsh things
and depression and anxiety and you can't
fix it he wants you so bad it's
devastating so we both have been really
going through it and he really wanted a
breather from all of the social media
and I respected it fully I mean you how
can you tell someone you love but no
please stick it out for me like no I
please if it's unhealthy let's like
remove it so this wasn't a fake
relationship also that was really hard
to four years you guys this was a five
year amazing relationship and I think a
lot of that even if you so he was never
in the spotlight before and I've been
doing this for so long so imagine
strangers and millions of people are
judging I have a really thick skin I
could take a lot but I think it really
wears you down when you're in love with
someone and all you hear is he's with
you for the money he's this he's that
he's that he met me when I had nothing
and he never changed and that's what I
love the most is he stayed true to who
he was so I know there's a lot of
questions our house at Michigan like you
guys were good our house isn't going
anywhere
his family lives there I visit there a
lot I'm gonna go there in a few weeks
you know Nate came over the other day
visited the dogs and uh it was so
beautiful
there's no custody battle he can come
over here whenever he wants you know and
the dogs miss him a lot I miss waking up
to him every morning and I think there's
a lot of things behind closed doors that
people never know and things that we
deal with with mental health and today
is not about airing out anyone's dirty
laundry or making anyone feel any type
of way this is just about me sharing
what's really been going on and I feel
like I owe you guys an explanation and
we are just trying to heal you know I
can't wait to get back to doing what I
love and creating and jeffree star
cosmetics has so many amazing things to
look forward to this year I I'm just
over I'm just so excited even though I'm
so sad I am ready to get back to work
you know a lot of the times while I was
traveling or working or like even on
this massive Shane project last year it
was a distraction and I think when
things really died down me and him got
to digest everything and finally have a
moment to go yo this is our life this is
what's happening listen I know my life
is insane and you guys have to remember
that last year so much happened in
nineteen and I know it did for so many
of you it felt like ten years to us you
know me having the robbery of my company
last year millions of dollars of product
stolen it hit me so hard and then
diamond nine years of my of my life my
baby and then all of this crazy drama
online happened and then daddy was taken
away from us and I know I'm sounding
like a broken record but my brain has
been through so much that I haven't had
time to heal really so the last few
weeks has just been a lot of
self-reflection
just trying to figure out what is next
and I've been so blessed to have so many
of my family and friends surrounding me
and Shane and Ryland and my mom and I
know a lot of people don't see my family
on snapchat they don't want to be on
Instagram they don't want to be on
camera you know and I have to respect
that and to have the family and
co-workers and people from killer
merchan JFC just surround me with love
has just been so special and needed and
right now nate is gonna go visit some
family Michigan you guys know also
besides the robbery our dogs passing
only three weeks ago Nathan's brother
Zach had a really horrible seizure and
almost lost his life so we all just need
to chill out for a second focus on our
own families and our own mental
well-being so thank you if you've made
it this far I really appreciate you guys
watching this I still can't believe I'm
sitting here and I didn't just want to
sit here and sob on camera so just thank
you guys for listening we love you so
much and I am ready for this new chapter
I think I'm scared I don't know but
thank you guys for being a part of my
life I want to make you proud this year
and there's so many amazing things in
the work so just thank you guys
so much from the bottom of my heart and
from my family's heart for just showing
so much love and compassion I know the
Internet can be very dark sometimes and
it's been a really really rough last few
weeks so I just think
you I don't want to leave this video off
about me I want to leave this video off
about a few other people and 2020 is
going to be an amazing year for everyone
it's starting off really rough for a lot
of us but if you don't know two of my
amazing supporters subscribers and fans
passed away over the last few weeks
Kevin Bacon in Flint Michigan and Dylan
cook in San Diego California both of
them died tragically over the last few
weeks and I just wanted to give love and
support to their families and just know
that it will always be a part of my soul
in my heart and I love you guys rest in
peace to both of them and that's how I
want to end this video you never know
how long you're gonna have with someone
anyone family friends so let's spend a
little bit more time this year maybe
being a little bit more compassionate a
little bit more loving because the
internet has been so so ugly to a lot of
us and there just seems to be more love
so I love you guys so much I will be
beep I love you guys so much I would be
back very soon with makeup videos and a
lot of content you guys know this big
fucking house that's a lot of work to be
done and I got a lot of support around
me so I'm ready for 2020 I love you and
I'll see you guys soon bye guys
