Perhaps
There is no right way
to raise a child
But I think one thing all of us get very wrong
is that we
pamper children too much!
Especially 'Boys'
Ladke paida hi haramkhor hote hain
inko aur protsahan matt do.
khali fukat ka
log sarr pe chadha ke rakhte hain
Raja Beta hai humara
Raja Beta
I'm like yeh?
yeh?
shakal dekkha hai chutiya ka? yeh hai!
"Raja Beta"
Naak se shembud nikal rahe hai
usko pata bhi nahi hain
yaha se nikla aur yaha saaf kar raha hai
"Raja Beta"
usko aap bhej rahe ho school
share auto mein
wahan woh ganda imli khaa raha hai
2 Rupiye wala
aadha khaa raha hai aadha ragad raha hai
kutton pe patthar fekh raha hai woh
"Raja Beta"
ladke ek dusre ke nipple pe
chimti maarneka game khel rahe hai
it's a legit game, ya.
It is the IPL of molestation
"Raja Beta"
Sab raja beta hai...
We pamper boys so much
that by the time the boy hits puberty
he starts beliving that his dick
is a nuclear weapon!
So much entitlement!
Hindi mein isse kehte hain:
'Lund fakir hona'
I'm sorry I had to use a technical term there
But I feel that if you can't teach the boy everything
at least teach him a few basic things
very very basic stuff
like teach the boy how to talk to girls properly
that's it
it'll help him
before it helps any girl
because most men,
Fail
with flying colours
the girls in the audience will tell you,
that often
when they've gone out on the first date
with a guy
they have been titanically dissappointed!
Audience *repeats* 'Titanically'
because everytime the guy opens his mouth
he's losing points
Muh se hagg raha hai woh
kya karega na bichara?
kabhi avsar hi nahi aaya life mein
Audience *repeats* 'Avsar!'
It's a big occasion, no?
Throughout his life there's only been 'Mom'
'Mom' 'Mom' 'Mom'
then wife, suddenly
There's no oreintation course in middle
Kyuki India mein kaisa na, Shaadi
karna nahi padhta hai...
Audience pre-empts 'Ho jati hai...;
Ho jati hai.
In this country, even people who pronounce
'Fiancé'
as 'Fiyaans!'
also get to marry
through the miracle
called 'Arranged Marriage'
Sabka khotta sikka pass ho raha hai iske andar
toh kya karega bechara?
baitha tha ghar pe ek din aise hi
biwi aagayi
Flipkart se!
this guy has no clue
how to handle this product
He can't even read the instruction manual properly
"yeh kya likha hai, yeh?"
"aare yeh zinda hai yeh!?"
"aare yeh bolti hai Ma!"
no clue
and the guys in the audience will agree
when I say this that,
throughout your life
Mom has given you whatever you wanted
Throughout your life whatever you wanted
whenever you wanted it
In fact,
every hope
need and desire
Mom provides right?
Except that one thing
that mom can't give
that one thing
that guy needs very badly
every single day of his life
but mom just can't give it
'Constructive feedback'
Woh biwi deti hai!
bhar bhar ke deti hai
"Aap mote ho"
"Baas marte ho"
"Kharrate marte ho"
"Actually aap thode chutiye bhi ho"
and the guy can't take it...
cause he has never heard feedback in his life before
he can't compute it
like "Mota!?"
"Kaun main?"
"Nahin toh, kahan se?"
"Main toh Raja Beta hoon."
So he gives her feedback
"Le feedback le, yeh le"
"Tu mota, tera baap mota!"
This is the only feeback he's been taught how to give no?
Which is why I feel that we've become a country of
'overgrown mumma's boys'
turned wife beaters
it's that common
and often when I say this, there's silence in the room
because who knows?
maybe some of you do it
You look like nice people but
statistics say otherwise
I'm sorry
So common, I feel it might be the
third most popular indoor sports in the country
right after carrom
and match-fixing
it's that fucking common
but we choose to ignore it
most of us would know of a case in your family or your friends
but you look the other way
"Unka problem hai"
"Woh log khel rahe honge"
"WWF khel rahe honge woh apas mein"
"Arre uska pyaar jataneka tarika hai uska"
"Woh thoda chokeslam deta hai usko"
"Par dil ka acha hai, woh aisa nahin hai"
and it continues
because you feel like you own the wife
In India you don't marry a woman, you own her.
Thats why you put chudas on her, no?
Have you thought about it?
Chudas are a very...
...tribal way
of marking property
& do you know how this works?
I am told that...
the girl can't take this off
for 12 months after marriage
unless...
they are broken
during the act
of sex!
now obviously, the guy who came out withis bright idea

had no clue
ki arranged marriage mein
itna dhamakedaar sex
nahin hota hai
most sex in India is like a slow train
between Parla and Andheri
ludak ludak ke poch raha hai wahan pe
The only way this can work if the girl breaks the bangles
on the guy;s fucking head!
"Yeh le bhosdike feminism le bhenchod le!"
But it won't happen, it's fantasy
which is why I'm trying to write more relatable material.
(Waise wife-beating is also relatable...
...but a little too relatable)
