

Lily of a Day

by

Joyce Burgess

Copyright 2012 Joyce Burgess

Smashwords Edition

****

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to

persons living or dead is coincidental

Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Epilogue

It is not growing like a tree

In bulk doth make Man better be;

Or standing long an oak, three hundred year,

To fall a log at last, dry, bald, and sere:

A lily of a day

Is fairer far in May,

Although it fall and die that night-

It was the plant and flower of Light.

In small proportions we just beauties see;

And in short measures life may perfect be.

Ben Jonson

1573 - 1637

Prologue

Brenna hurried into the nurses' lounge, sliding her plastic coffee mug across the table. "Traffic was a nightmare."

Molly looked up from the coffeemaker where she was brewing the first pot of the evening shift and smiled. "Late again, are we?" she teased, knowing full well it was usually she and not Brenna who came storming in at the last minute.

"Shut up, you," Brenna replied, grabbing clean blue scrubs off the shelf and her shoes from her locker. She dressed quickly and pulled her auburn hair up in a ponytail, frizzy curls escaping here and there due to the humidity of the warm, rainy day. After gulping some coffee, she glanced at the clock, relieved to note she'd at least make it to the Neonatal Intensive Care in time for report. She locked up her purse and clothes, and followed Molly down the hall.

After they scrubbed their hands thoroughly, Molly swiped her name badge through the NICU lock and held the door for Brenna.

"About time, you guys. I want out of here! It's been a zoo today." Caren sat down with a thump and laid a chart on the rolling cart near an isolette holding a tiny baby. After running a hand through her short blonde hair, she pulled pens and alcohol swabs from the pockets of her rumpled uniform, laying them on the cart.

"How's Jack doing today?"

"He's feeling better; in other words, he's been a little pill. I've had him and Lakeesha because that new one just got here from Astoria."

"What's up with her?"

"We don't know yet. Initially, she looked septic to them, but her blood work's okay and her chest x-ray looked normal. Her color's crappy and her blood pressure's dropping so Dr. Lee's thinking heart. They just finished doing an echo."

Molly looked at Brenna. "You pick, you've had a worse morning than me."

"Okay, I'll take the new one. I had Jack last night and he was a bugger then, too."

"You got it." Molly started getting report from Caren while Brenna crossed the aisle to the radiant warmer surrounded by staff in uniforms and paper gowns.

"Hi, guys. Relief's here."

"Yeah, for Scott anyway," smiled the respiratory therapist, carrying away a blood gas sample. Brenna picked up her new patient's chart.

Scott gave her a weary smile. "Well, I got all the initial admitting stuff and the echo out of the way. Unfortunately, the echo showed she's got left heart. Dr. Lee's gone to talk to the parents."

"Oh, that's too bad. What a sweetie." The baby girl lay still and limp in the warmer as a ventilator assisted her breathing in an attempt to keep oxygen circulating through her little body. But Scott and Brenna both knew what they had here was a pump problem. Just as in any operating thing, if the pump wasn't able to keep things circulating, then the fluid it was circulating, in this case oxygenated blood, wasn't of the benefit it should be. Since the left side of her heart had not developed, it was failing, unable to do its job.

"I gave her a dose of Indocin to keep the ductus open and she was happy with that. Her sat's been more stable. But her only chance is surgery now." Scott stared at his patient, her black hair curling on top as if it had been wound around a finger. Nurses often have a sixth sense of their patient's condition, and Scott's face was grim. He sighed and started giving a more detailed report, running over her IV fluids and rates, medications, and ventilator settings.

When he finished, he clapped Brenna on the shoulder. "Okay," he said. "Have a good night, kiddo."

Brenna smiled after him as he walked off. He had been with them for several years and was one of her favorite nurses. His large hands could handle the smallest preemie with infinite gentleness and his calm in a crisis was a definite asset.

She surveyed the child before her, assessing her visually without touching her so as not to stress her more than necessary. She was reading her history and chart when Dr. Lee, her small footsteps silent as usual, approached the warmer.

"Brenna, these are Ariel's parents, Ben and Lisa. We've already discussed Ariel's condition and what she'll be facing."

Brenna put her arm around Lisa and gently drew her toward the warmer. "You can touch her and talk to her, if you like. They always recognize their parents' voices."

Ben cleared his throat. "Dads too?"

"Oh, yes, anyone who's been with Mom frequently through the pregnancy."

"He...he talked to her every day," Lisa said, her voice quavering. She bent over the warmer, tears falling from her cheeks onto the blanket on which her baby lay. "Hi, honey. Mommy and Daddy are here." Ben put his arm around his wife, but his voice choked up when he tried to talk.

"Ariel's been given a sedative so she won't be upset by the ventilator tube. That's why she appears to be sleeping."

Lisa looked up. "So she's not hurting, right?"

"Oh, no, she's resting comfortably."

Lisa drew in a ragged breath and moved over a little so Ben could get closer to the warmer. "Talk to her, honey, she needs to know we're here."

Ben leaned over his daughter. "Hi, peanut. You just sleep and rest up. You've got some work to do getting better. We love you, we won't leave the hospital until you're better. Grandma and Levi send hugs and kisses."

He straightened and thanked Dr. Lee and Brenna for the care their baby was getting, then guided his wife to the exit doors. Lisa managed to make it through the door before Brenna saw her through the window, doubled over in grief. Ben put his arms around her and they walked away.

"Who's Levi?" Brenna asked.

"Ariel's big brother, he's four." Dr. Lee turned to the warmer as RT brought back the gas results.

"They're worse. And the repeat chest x-ray she got here showed some cardiomegaly. She's in congestive heart failure and it's just getting worse, but there are no hearts available for transplant. We don't believe she'd make it through the Norwood procedure because her aorta's in pretty bad shape too."

"So we're just in a holding pattern for now?"

"That's about it. It doesn't look good."

Brenna quietly turned back to the warmer and gently wound the little black curl around her finger.

Over the next hour, Ariel worsened considerably. Her lungs were filling with fluid and her color was mottled and graying. Brenna knew she didn't have long and was about to call Dr. Lee when she approached the warmer.

"I'm going to go talk to the parents. There's nothing we can do for this little one."

"I know," Brenna said quietly. "I was just about to page you."

The doctor passed through the exit door and Brenna saw her enter the family room through the large window that opened onto the NICU. She sat next to Ben and as she began to speak, Lisa buried her face in Ben's sleeve, her shoulders shaking. Ben nodded and turned to his wife, hiding his grief in her dark curls, holding her tightly. Lisa's mother sat next to them with Levi curled in her arms, and she rocked him gently as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

Dr. Lee returned to the NICU, walking more slowly as if she had taken on a great weight since leaving the room. And in a way, she had. The burden of any death sentence is great, but when it was a tiny baby who had not yet had a chance to live, it took a toll on everyone. She gave the order to discontinue life support and left the nursery silently.

When the doctor had gone, Brenna began turning off all the monitors. She checked Ariel's diaper, but her kidney function had slowed and it was dry. After removing her IVs, she wrapped her in a warm blanket. Looking up to see Ariel's family leaving the visitors' room, she pulled the ET tube from the baby's airway and suctioned her mouth. As Lisa and Ben approached the warmer, Brenna picked Ariel up and led them to a private room. In Ben's arms was the little boy with Ariel's pale skin and dark hair, the grandmother following closely behind them.

They sat down in wooden rockers and Brenna put the baby in Lisa's arms. Hooking up the heart monitor, the beep silenced, Brenna looked at the rhythm; the heart rate was becoming more rapid as the small heart tried desperately to do its job. Ariel's breathing was also rapid, but her family noticed none of that as they zeroed in on their only daughter.

"Hi, my sweetie, Mommy's here," Lisa said softly.

"This is your baby sister, Levi. Isn't she pretty?" Ben asked his son. Levi nodded, his fingers in his mouth. "She's only going to be with us a few more minutes, she's too sick to stay with us. But God sent her to us for a short while and she's beautiful, isn't she?" Levi nodded.

Lisa stroked her baby's cool cheek. "I think she has your eyes, Ben. And my ears." She pulled the blanket back slightly. "And my hands. You're my pretty angel, Ariel."

It was becoming obvious to them now that the end was close. Ben handed Levi back to his grandma, and they returned to the family room. Brenna stood by to provide Ben and Lisa with any support they needed.

Lisa swallowed and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's okay to go home, honey. We love you so much and I wish you could stay. But I guess God needs you back. He must be short on angels." She wiped her own tears from her baby's face as the monitor showed severe tachycardia. "It's okay, honey; you don't have to fight."

Ben got on his knees and put his hand on his daughter. "It's okay, honey. We love you," he echoed his wife.

Lisa kissed her as the monitor showed asystole; the little heart had stopped. "It's all right, honey. See you soon."

Brenna reached over and turned off the monitor. "She's gone, Lisa."

Lisa froze and looked at her baby's still face. "Oh, God."

Brenna disconnected the monitor leads. "Do you want to spend some time alone with her?"

Lisa raised agonized eyes to Brenna's. "Please."

Brenna went out, closing the door behind her. As she returned to the warmer to clean up, she heard a cry that chilled her heart. Lisa had kept her composure until her daughter had died, but was now grieving aloud. Brenna quietly picked up all the garbage and linen, the last thing to do, other than to write in Ariel's chart, "2110 – Patient expired peacefully in mother's arms, father @ side."

Chapter 1

Brenna stood in the gateway of the old picket fence, long ago whitewashed by a proud owner. Now the whitewash was peeling and the wood as weathered as the house in front of her. Climbing roses, beginning to bloom, had overtaken the front of the house and partially obscured the doorway. Ivy snaked its way up the moss-covered chimney on the north side and large old rhododendrons covered much of the south wall. Smiling, she realized it had been a long time since she had felt this happy. She recalled the realtor's words on giving her the address of the house. "I really don't think this is what you're looking for. An older couple lived there for years and weren't able to keep it up properly. It needs a fair amount of renovation and the roof leaks. The old woman had a lot of cats and the Humane Society wasn't able to catch them all when she went to the rest home after her husband died."

Brenna had already tolerated viewing condos and beach houses in Seacliff and the realtor realized she was going to lose the sale completely if Brenna wasn't given the freedom to poke around some of the older homes in the small beach town.

She had seen a few that had fallen into such a decrepit state that she was beginning to think this town did not have her home hiding in it after all, waiting to be discovered as she had hoped. But on this misty northwest morning, she had followed the directions to 19 Ivy Lane, a single lane gravel road, and now stood on the old flagstone path with a feeling of anticipation.

Walking up to the door, Brenna put the old skeleton key into the tarnished lock and found it turned easily. Carefully holding the roses aside, she ducked and entered her new home.

Chapter 2

The morning after Ariel's death, Brenna found she could not get out of bed; she was so tired. She called in sick to work for the next two days. On the third day, an hour after calling in once more, someone knocked on her door. She lay in bed, eyes on the TV, waiting for the intruder to go away. The knocking continued for several minutes and then she heard Molly yell, "Brenna, I'm going to go get the super to open this door if you don't! You're scaring me! Now open up!"

Brenna shuffled to the door in her wrinkled flannel pajamas and unlocked it. Molly opened it and charged in, a breath of fresh air following her.

"What's wrong? Have you been to a doctor? You look awful."

"Gee, thanks, Moll. Good to see you too." Brenna crawled back into bed.

Molly put her hand on Brenna's forehead and Brenna brushed it away. Molly looked around the darkened bedroom and saw dirty plates on the bedside table, laundry on the floor. The air was stale and stuffy. She looked back at Brenna with concern.

"What's up, Bren? Talk to me. This isn't like you."

Brenna looked at her with dull eyes.

"I don't know. It must be some bug going around. I'm just tired, so tired." She looked back at the TV. "How is Jack doing?"

Molly paused. "His intestines are failing. He's in critical condition."

Tears welled in Brenna's eyes and ran down her cheeks. Molly hugged her closely.

"You know we can't save them all, honey. We're not God."

"Molly, I just can't do this anymore. I can't watch them die, watch them go home damaged or to abusive parents," Brenna sobbed. "I can't do it anymore, no more."

She hadn't really realized it until she heard about Jack, but this was the end. All her life she had wanted to be a nurse and it was a dream come true for her to work in the neonatal unit. But the sadness and stress had taken too large a toll. Molly got up to get her some tissues from the bathroom as the tears continued.

"Honey, I think you should seriously consider taking some time off. When was your last vacation anyway?" she asked.

Brenna wiped her face, a wasted effort as the tears flowed unchecked. Molly stopped talking and sat quietly beside her on the bed, the Lucy and Desi rerun babbling in the background. They stayed there for the better part of an hour until Brenna took a big breath and wiped her eyes for the last time.

"I'm going to take a leave of absence, I think, and if they won't let me have it, I'll quit. I've had nothing to do with my money all these years but save it toward a house. Maybe the house won't be here after all. I have to get out of this city."

"I wish you wouldn't leave, but I think you're burning out. I can't imagine not having you nearby. You won't go far, will you? Please tell me you won't go live near Maureen in Michigan," Molly said.

"The idea here is to get away from stress, not run to it," Brenna laughed through her tears. "Anyway, I love the northwest. Maybe the beach, I've always wanted to live near the ocean." And as quickly as that, she changed her life forever.

Chapter 3

The sun was shining brightly when Brenna pulled into the steaming gravel driveway. It had rained heavily that morning, but now the clouds were scudding to the east as raindrops glistened on the grass and the cascading pink roses. Spring had arrived in the little seaside town as Brenna brought the first load of her possessions to her new home. She had traded her prized green Miata in on a blue Blazer after buying the house. Molly swung in behind her in a borrowed van holding the rest of Brenna's worldly goods. The previous owner had left her furnishings behind as she had no other family to take them. Brenna had taken this opportunity to rid herself of meaningless things collected through the years and had brought only her most important belongings.

They climbed out of their respective vehicles and stretched.

"Well, Molls, what do you think?" Brenna grinned.

Molly held her tongue for a moment, deep in diplomatic thought.

"Ah...it does have a certain ambience...while appearing to require some extensive repair, do you think?"

"Come on, look at the bright side! The gutter's falling off and I have to paint the trim, but look at the rhododendrons and roses. The rhododendrons are huge, they have to be pretty old. Wait until you see the antiques she left. Let's go, it's easier to go in the back door because of the roses in front."

Molly followed, shaking her head.

Brenna pulled a new brass key out of her jeans pocket and inserted it in the shiny deadbolt. She had already replaced this door after scouring antique salvage shops in south Portland and had painted the scarred wood a bright white.

They passed through the tiny kitchen into the dining room, occupied by an oval mahogany table and its four chairs. The towering purple and scarlet rhododendrons nearly obscured the view through a small bay window near the table.

Brenna opened the darkly varnished sliding doors into the front parlor and Molly could see the front door straight ahead, the roses a natural curtain over its window. There were a couch and chair covered in burgundy velvet, trimmed in mahogany and layered with dust. A small dark table sat next to the chair. A steep, narrow staircase ascended the south wall and a fading flowered rug covered the floorboards, threadbare from use and time. But Brenna's favorite thing was an old rocking chair, set in front of the river rock fireplace. Its old wooden frame was the perfect size for her.

"Not bad," Molly sneezed. "Could use a good vacuum, though."

"Come on, I'll show you the upstairs." Brenna headed for the staircase. Molly eyed it with some trepidation.

"Oh, come on, it's stable. I've been up and down it several times."

They climbed the narrow stairs, making a sharp left at the top. Straight ahead was a small hallway dividing the second floor. A stained glass window was at the far end, a pane of rippling clear glass surrounded by squares of blue and green.

Brenna opened the door to the guest room first. It overlooked the backyard, most of which was obscured by overgrown flowering bushes and underbrush.

"See way in the back? It looks as if there's part of a fence back there. I'm wondering if there's a separate garden. I have a lot of yard work to do before I get there though."

The room itself had been painted a pale yellow, more pale now with the passage of time. It held a four-poster bed frame with a matching nightstand and an old hurricane lamp. In the corner was a cherrywood cradle that swung noiselessly on its wooden supports when pushed. It was in perfect condition.

"Isn't this gorgeous? I don't know why it's here. I'm thinking maybe they were unable to have children. Come look at this."

They crossed the hall and Brenna opened the door. "I found this hanging in the other room over the cradle."

Molly studied the old embroidered sampler in its simple wood frame and read it aloud.

" 'It is not growing like a tree

In bulk, doth make Man better be;

Or standing long an oak, three hundred year,

To fall a log at last, dry, bald, and sere:

A lily of a day

Is fairer far in May,

Although it fall and die that night-

It was the plant and flower of Light.

In small proportions we just beauties see;

And in short measures life may perfect be.' "

Molly paused with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Bren. You must be right. This is beautiful. It describes the importance of lost babies in just a few lines."

Brenna put her arm around her shoulders and turned her toward the front windows. "Now, view something to make you smile."

Molly looked through the old glass to see the far waves of the Pacific rolling in gently now that the rain had passed. "You can see the ocean from here! This is great, Bren."

This room also held an old bed frame with a waterfall headboard in excellent condition. Against the far wall was a matching dressing table with a huge round mirror.

"Why on earth did this lady leave all this stuff here? Was she senile or something?" asked Molly, mystified, looking around the room.

"At this point, your guess is as good as mine. Her name's Helena Montgomery and I hope to meet her and ask some questions about this place. We'll see."

They went back out to the hallway and Brenna showed Molly the pull-down ladder to the small attic space above.

"I haven't even gone up there yet. I think I'm afraid to. Small dark spaces were never my strong point."

Finished with the tour, they went down to lunch before tackling the unloading.

At the end of the day, exhausted and grimy, they retired to the parlor; Brenna to her rocker with a pillow and Molly to the well-vacuumed couch. They had been working so industriously they hadn't noticed, but now it became apparent. The only noise they could hear were a few birds and their own breathing. After years of city living, it was an odd thing. The silence was almost tangible.

"Are you sure you're going to like it out here, Bren? We've lived in the city for so long," Molly asked quietly.

Brenna smiled.

"That's a big part of it, Molls. I need a break from the constant noise and activity. This silence is so peaceful; it's like a blessing, a gift of some kind, a reminder there are other ways to live."

The sun had barely set when they started a fire and unrolled sleeping bags on the rug. Crawling into their makeshift beds, they slept soundly.

Chapter 4

After tearful goodbyes were said and hugs exchanged, Molly was on her way to Portland in the morning. Brenna took a deep breath, went back into her kitchen and worked for awhile rearranging and putting things away. She had already painted the kitchen shelves and cupboards a glossy ivory so she was able to put away her china and crystal glasses on the shelves near the sink, the heavier mixing bowls and pots and pans in the bottom cupboards.

She walked into the dining room to put some old silver serving spoons into the built-in hutch and pulled open the top drawer. It was already occupied by a long black box. She lifted it out, surprised at its weight, and dropped her spoons into the drawer. Laying the box on the table, she opened the latch and gasped. The box was full of tarnished antique silver, the handles covered in roses with an initial inscribed in the center. Removing a spoon, she scrubbed at the handle industriously until the initial was clear, an italicized C, the same as in her own last name, Callahan. She regarded the silver thoughtfully. Surely this shouldn't have been left in the house. It wasn't even the previous owner's initials. The lady's last name was Montgomery. It was about time she went into town for some errands so maybe she'd check at the rest home and make sure Mrs. Montgomery had meant to leave it behind.

After doing a quick spot check to make sure her clothes weren't all dusty, she went into the small bathroom off the kitchen to do her hair. She had worn her thick wavy auburn hair past her shoulders for years now. It had been easy to put up into a ponytail or bun at the hospital, but at the beach it became unruly, curling up with tendrils escaping at any given moment. Molly had always worn her bright red curls short. Maybe it was time to cut her own hair. She ran a comb through it and pulled the sides back with tortoise shell combs, viewed her appearance and decided it would do for now.

Grabbing her large leather purse, she picked up her keys and opened the back door, nearly stepping on a small gray tiger cat who sat on the steps looking for all the world as if he expected to be fed. She remembered the realtor's words concerning the cats and wondered how many more there were. Having never had a cat, she wasn't sure what they needed, but food was a basic necessity. She swung the door back open and the little cat trotted into the kitchen and up to the sink.

"Well, you certainly know your way around. I wonder if Helena has a name for you. I'll have to ask if I see her."

The cat let out a small maow in response.

"Okay, all I have is tuna fish; I wasn't expecting company. Will that do?"

The little cat fell to eating as if he was starving so Brenna put her purse down and started washing some dishes, thinking to put him back out when she left. But when he was done, he trotted through to the parlor and, hopping into the velvet armchair, curled up and went promptly to sleep.

"Okay...I guess I'll leave you here for now. Definitely gotta find out about you guys." Brenna picked up her purse and keys again and made it to her Blazer without further incident.

She drove down the gravel road enjoying the feel and smell of her new vehicle and turned right onto the two-lane highway. About two miles later she entered the town proper, a half-mile stretch of older buildings, many of them brick, housing the town's main businesses.

First matter of business, the library. The brick building sat on a small rise, back from the road. Brenna opened one of the heavy wooden doors and entered, noting with a smile that the whole library was contained in one room. She had been somewhat concerned she might eventually run out of reading material, but noticed the new book section was full of both the latest fiction and non-fiction. City taxes must be generous to the library here, she mused. Her thoughts were confirmed by the librarian, Mrs. McNair, an elderly lady with a bright smile.

"Oh, yes, we try to keep up with the times. I'm a firm believer that you never stop learning, so I keep up on the adult section too. I order most of the new books, one of my favorite things, as you can imagine."

Brenna was amused to see that for all their updated reading material, the library still used the old method of stamping books and issuing paper library cards. There was not a computer in sight.

The librarian issued Brenna her blue card and she signed it in her precise handwriting. Heading back to the shelves, she chose two new novels and some mysteries. After viewing the old portraits of past town leaders hung high on the dark walls, she took her books to the desk.

"So, do you intend to be in town long, dear? Are you renting one of the new condos?"

"No, actually, I bought Helena Montgomery's house on Ivy Lane. Do you know her?" Brenna inquired, hoping for some insight on the woman before showing up at the rest home.

"Oh, my, yes. She is about fifteen years older than I, you know, but I've known her since I was a child. Martin Montgomery brought her here as his bride around...1950, it must have been. He had gone off to college somewhere back east and brought her home on the train. Of course, we didn't get to know each other much until I was in my twenties and we had more in common, but even then she was a very private person. Hmm... I miss seeing her here. She has a great love of reading. But then, I hear she has a touch of senility now, so maybe she's not interested. Anyway, it's a pleasure to meet you, dear. I believe Helena would be glad to know you have her house. She loved it dearly." Mrs. McNair began checking in a stack of books.

Well, thought Brenna, as she trotted down the wide stone steps, now I know where to go for information! She's probably up on the whole town.

After locking her library books in the car (probably unnecessary, but a city girl's habit), she headed for the hardware store a couple of buildings down.

Brenna had been studying paint chips since first setting eyes on her house and so was able to make her purchases fairly quickly. She chose a bright white glossy paint for the trim, then decided on a warm pink for her room and a soft yellow to brighten the back room. She went up to the counter and had the salesman start mixing the interior colors while she looked through wallpaper books. This search took a little longer and she scoured every book they had before she made her decisions. She found a paper from England with a cream background and large burgundy and pink roses with deep green leaves. It would match the furniture and atmosphere in the parlor just right. Further back in the same book, she found a pale green and ivory satin stripe and ordered two rolls for the kitchen. Having already painted the dining room walls and wainscoting in the same ivory as the kitchen cupboards, she now chose a border with a background of moss green covered with an ivory rose trellis pattern. On considering the bathroom, she decided the climate might be too damp for bathroom wallpaper so it was back to the paint samples. Brenna quickly chose a pale peach that would compliment the striped wallpaper since the bathroom opened off the kitchen.

Looking at her watch, she saw two hours had gone by and realized she was starving. She drove her car around to the back of the hardware store to load the paint and asked the salesman if there was a good place to eat in town. After thanking him for his help, she drove a block down to the place he recommended, Mel's Coffee Shop, fairly empty now that the lunch crowd had returned to work. She no sooner found herself a booth and picked up the small menu than there was a waitress by her side, not long out of high school from the looks of her. Some of her shiny black curls escaped the regulation ponytail and her bright smile reached her dark eyes.

"Hi, I'm Wendy, can I get you some coffee?".

"Please, and I don't have to look at a menu. I'm starving. I'll take a hamburger and fries with iced tea," Brenna replied.

"Just what I like, a woman who knows what she wants." This came from a man who had swiveled on his counter stool to face her.

Brenna frowned slightly, not appreciating come-ons from strangers, but Wendy noticed and whispered, "He's really nice, don't worry," and walked off with her order.

Brenna allowed herself a small glance to see him smiling at her. Actually, he was fairly attractive if you went for those tall, rugged types with chiseled features and blond curly hair. Molly would have been at the next stool instantly. But Brenna had no interest at the moment...well,very little anyway.

To his credit, she noticed his cheeks had reddened slightly.

"I apologize if that sounded like a pick-up line. I tend to say what I'm thinking too often. Are you new to the area, visiting...?" he asked.

"I've moved here," Brenna replied, really not wishing to share any more information.

"Well, my name's Adam Chambers. Nice to meet you," and, sensing her discomfort, he began to swivel his stool back.

Suddenly an earsplitting siren went off and Adam leapt off his seat and ran out the door. Brenna looked around in confusion.

"What is that?" she said loudly to Wendy, who had come out to the front window. Wendy pointed across the street to a brick building and Brenna saw several people racing through an opening garage door, pulling on blue coats as they went.

The siren stopped and a quieter one began as an ambulance pulled out with its lights flashing and raced past the coffee shop and up the street.

"Adam's with the volunteer fire department. He's an EMT and firefighter. Where are you from, haven't you heard a siren before?" Wendy asked.

"I'm from Portland," Brenna replied, her ears still ringing, "and no, I don't believe I've ever heard anything quite like that!"

"Well, it goes off whenever the fire department gets a call and the volunteers just come from wherever they are, if they can."

A bell dinged and Wendy went to get Brenna's hamburger. She ate in blessed silence, watching for the ambulance to return. It swung into the station as she finished her lunch, and Adam ran across the street to pay for his food.

"What happened?" Wendy asked him.

"Oh, we just had to help put Mrs. Wilson back in her wheelchair. She's getting kind of hard for her husband to handle," he replied.

"I think you guys and her neighbor are all that's keeping her out of the rest home now," Wendy said soberly.

"Yeah, well, we'll do what we can while we can, but I think it's coming this year. Maybe they can get a room together. We'll see. I hate to think of them separated. Thanks, Wendy, see you later." Turning to the door, he noticed Brenna again. "See you around town. Nice to meet you." And he was gone.

Brenna went up to the counter to pay for her lunch.

"By the way, he's thirty-two and single," Wendy said confidentially, "and I'm only telling you that because I already have a great boyfriend."

"Thanks, Wendy, I'll keep that in mind." Brenna smiled wryly and walked out into the afternoon sunshine. She noticed Adam had returned to the fire station and was talking to the people still there. His easy laugh carried across the street and she reminded herself abruptly that the last thing she needed right now was a man in her life. Still, as she unlocked her car door, she felt wistful.

Okay, she thought, shaking her head, now to the rest home.

Adam stood in front of the brick building and glanced across the street when Brenna left the coffee shop. Long legs, dark red hair reflecting the afternoon sun ...he watched as she climbed gracefully into the Blazer. As she backed into the street, he stepped into the shadow of the ambulance bay. He didn't want her to think he was staring at her, even if he was.

"Hey, Adam, who's that?" asked an EMT standing next to him.

"Oh, no one. Just a new lady in town. Didn't want her to think I was watching her. I just met her and didn't make a very good impression."

The other man laughed. "I find that hard to believe. You used to be a real lady killer."

Adam smiled wryly. "Yeah, well, things change."

Several blocks south of the cafe, Brenna made a right turn and stopped at the small stucco building with the Seacliff Rest Home sign in front of it. She pulled open one of the old wood and glass double doors and entered, recoiling slightly at the smell. She had always hated the smell of nursing homes and had never considered working in one. No, the younger generation was her field, although now, she remembered, she didn't really have a field at all.

"Well, are you going to woolgather all day or are you here to visit someone?"

Brenna opened and shut her mouth in surprise as she looked down at the frail man in a wheelchair, but before she could reply, an efficient nurse bustled up and said, "Rusty, time for therapy. Let's go, young man!"

"See how they boss me around here?" the elderly man grinned. "Don't get a moment's peace."

The nurse directed Brenna to the office window and wheeled Rusty briskly down the hall.

"Next time you and me will have to go dancing, young lady," he called back to Brenna.

"I'm here to see Helena Montgomery," Brenna told the secretary.

"Are you a relative?"

"No. I recently bought her house and just wanted to tell her how much I'm enjoying it and ask her some questions," Brenna replied.

"Well, sometimes she's alert and sometimes not. She's in room # 6, down the hall and to your left. Her room's on the right."

Brenna found the room easily enough. But would it be as easy to talk to the woman? Helena sat in an armchair by the window with a sweeping view of the ocean, sunshine falling on her lap rug. Her pure white hair was pulled into a loose bun at the back of her head and she had a soft blue mohair shawl tucked around her shoulders.

Brenna walked slowly into the room.

"Mrs. Montgomery?"

"Yes, dear?" The white head turned slightly to the right to see her visitor and Brenna walked up to the window.

"Mrs. Montgomery, I was wondering if I could talk to you. My name is Brenna Callahan, I bought your house..."

The elder woman's face became illuminated with a smile.

"Oh, I'm very glad to meet you, dear! The realtor assured me I would like the new owner. How are things going?"

Brenna was relieved to find her so lucid. She certainly saw no evidence of senility, so she took a seat in a hardback chair nearby.

"Things are going very well. I've weeded around the bushes. The roses are starting to bloom over the front door. The rhodies are blooming on the side of the house and the lilacs are blooming in the back yard. I'm not done weeding back there, because I just moved in. Would you like me to bring you some of the flowers?"

"Oh, yes! That would be delightful," Helena exclaimed. "Please call me Helena. I never did have the heart to cut the roses away from the front door. We just used the back door." She frowned slightly. "They said some of my cats are lost. Have you seen any of them?"

"Yes, that's one of the things I was going to ask you. This morning there was a tiger kitty on the back steps. Was he one of yours?" Brenna asked her.

"Oh, yes, only he's a she; her name's Olivia. I just fed them dry food and they came and went as they pleased. They're very good mousers!"

Oh, goody, Brenna thought to herself. Just what I need, little mousey presents on the doorstep.

"Mrs...Helena, I found some very valuable silver in the hutch. Did you realize it was left behind?"

"Oh, yes..." Brenna could see Helena was beginning to tire. "I carefully considered what to leave behind. The silver had been in my family, but I couldn't use it here and had no need of income since Martin provided for me very well. People tried to get me to have an estate sale, but I knew what I was doing." She looked at Brenna sharply. "Callahan, your name is? Do you believe in fate, dear? Destiny, as some may call it?" She looked back out at the ocean. "My maiden name was Chatsworth, did you know that? ...I don't believe I'll go to the dance after all, dear..."

Was she still talking to her? Brenna sat quietly for a moment at the window and looked out at the rolling waves.

"The baby is weighing so heavy tonight, dear. I believe I'll rest awhile..." Helena's eyes closed, but she had left Brenna several minutes ago.

Brenna quietly got up and made her way out.

After yawning repeatedly on her drive home, Brenna felt a nap was in order. All that shopping and the sea air must have gotten to her. Passing a hand over her face, she yawned again and after pouring a cup of decaf into a china mug, went to sit in her rocker, covering herself with a lavender afghan.

Deep in sleep, dreaming...she still sat in the rocker but she felt so strange...heavy...her hands rested on her abdomen, long pregnant with her first precious baby. She was in a different room...the upstairs bedroom, the back room where she first found the rocker. She cried out, seized suddenly by a tightening around her back and belly. This felt like the pains Mother had spoken of but it was far too soon, at least two months...her husband had gone to Astoria on business and she hardly knew anyone here. There, the pain had gone. She could go downstairs to the phone and call the doctor in town. She stood with some difficulty and made her way to the head of the stairs. Oh, God, not here. Another pain rolled across her body as she grasped the railing and groaned. It began to fade just as a warm gush of fluid poured down her legs and feet. She began crying and tried to compose herself; she had to get the doctor. Stepping down, she slipped down the narrow staircase into oblivion.

Brenna woke with a start; Olivia had jumped onto her lap and was turning around, trying to make a bed.

"Oh, God, it was a dream...thank you, Olivia. You could've jumped on me a little sooner, you know." Not bad enough, she thought, that she had nightmares of trying to save impossibly small or sick babies, now she was trying to save her own! And failing by the look of it.

Chapter 5

The next morning brought a thick fog, one that left droplets on Brenna's hair when she went out to the mailbox to mail a note to Molly. On returning to the back door, she saw a large black and white long-haired cat.

"And who are you? I believe you could eat me out of house and home."

Brenna opened the back door and the cat trotted in. Olivia was at the food dish and Brenna watched her response to the newcomer in case he were an imposter in search of a free meal. But Olivia scooted over, making room, and the big cat started eating as if he hadn't had a full meal in quite awhile. Although by the size of him, she thought, he may eat that way all the time.

The kitchen was full of paint cans and Brenna picked up two cans of 'Shell Pink' semi-gloss and carried them upstairs to her bedroom. She had arranged for new mattresses to arrive in several days in order to give her time to paint and clean up. She had given the ceiling a new coat of white last night, making it a semi-gloss finish in order to reflect any available light. Looking out the window, she could see nothing but fog. She crossed her fingers and hoped this wouldn't last all day.

After putting a celtic CD in the player, she pulled out a new roller and got to work. Painting was one job she hated to start because of all the preparation, but once she got working it was fun to watch the room take on a new personality. These walls had been a faded beige, obviously not painted in years. But then, the Montgomerys had been elderly a long time before they left here. She rolled the rosy pink over the walls and her spirits lifted with the change and warmth of the shade.

When her stomach started growling, Brenna looked at her watch and was surprised to see that it was two o'clock. She turned off the music and went down to the kitchen. Olivia wound around her legs, purring, and then went to the door.

"What? Are you like a dog? You can tell me when you want out?"

The look on Olivia's face seemed to intimate that surely Brenna understood that cats were smarter than dogs. Brenna opened the door and both cats went out as a new one slipped in. This one was smaller like Olivia, but was coal black with white on its chin and paws as if it had stepped in cream.

"Good grief, do you guys have some cat network, letting everyone know there's someone here? And who are you anyway?" This time Brenna picked the cat up to determine its gender and was pleased to note it was a spayed female. "We'll call you Madeline for now."

She plopped her in front of the food dish and refilled it. Then she fed herself, noting with relief that the fog had lifted and there were some cloud breaks. She went out and walked around to the front yard, easing into an old but sturdy Adirondack chair she had picked up at a garage sale. Putting her head back, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth on her face.

She had been dozing off and on for about fifteen minutes when she heard a man's voice say, "Hi, you must be Brenna." She opened her eyes in quickly, city defenses kicking in, to see the mailman waiting outside the gate.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. How are things going?" he asked.

"Fine...fine, that's okay, I just nodded off. The cats and I are doing fine, thanks," Brenna said somewhat sheepishly.

"Oh, so the rascals have returned, have they? They gave the Humane Society a run for their money. Well, my name's Gary Boggs. My wife, Julie, and I live further down this road. We're expecting our first baby this summer," he said proudly.

"Oh, congratulations," Brenna said. "How long is this road anyway?"

"I guess it's about a mile farther to our house, that's pretty much the end of it. It's maintained by the county and Julie likes to walk sometimes. You should give her a call if you like to walk. We're in the book."

"Thanks. I guess I'll be busy painting for awhile, though. I was just taking a break for a bit."

"Well, nice to meet you. Here's your mail. Let us know if you need anything."

Brenna thanked him, took the few pieces he handed her and went back to her chair. A flyer from the hardware store and letters from her older sister and Molly. She grimaced and opened the one from her sister first. Maureen meant well, but tended to get on her nerves more than anything. Their parents had died in a commuter plane crash when Brenna was twenty-two and even though Brenna was already an adult, Maureen had tried to take her under her wing long-distance. Brenna figured Maureen already had enough to do with her own brood of four and a husband, but Maureen continued to hover long-distance from Michigan. She had been very worried when Brenna quit her job, having a hard time understanding that between their parents' substantial life insurance policy and eight years of savings, Brenna could afford to take a much needed break before deciding about changing careers.

Fortunately this letter was short, Maureen having exhausted all her good arguments in previous calls and letters. Eric had lost his first tooth, the baby was crawling, etc. Relief, not too painful.

She turned her attention to Molly's letter, smiling at the antics of the staff on the night shift, which Molly had been unfortunate enough to observe when she had to work a double. It left Brenna with mixed feelings of homesickness and relief that she wasn't there. She missed her friends and their support; she missed being a sounding board for them and working out clinical problems with them. But she didn't miss the stress of caring for critically ill children who made up their parents' whole worlds. Molly would be coming soon to stay the weekend and she looked forward to it. In the meantime, she had a lot of work to do. She got up and went into the house, glad to see there wasn't another cat at the back door.

Brenna finished painting the walls while the cats alternately slept on the dropcloth or regarded her thoughtfully from the windowsill. Finishing the door trim, she decided that was a good place to stop in case something bumped into it while the paint dried.

She broiled one frozen hamburger for herself and one for the cats, crumbling it into pieces and dropping it in their bowl. They crowded around greedily, practically swallowing it whole.

"You greedy guts, don't try to tell me you're dignified creatures when you eat like little piggies!"

She could've sworn Olivia looked at her reproachfully, chewing all the while.

The smoke was becoming thicker and it was harder to breathe. Where was she? She couldn't see and her eyes stung. She was standing, but when she turned around, there was no visible place to go. She abruptly realized there were people crying out for help, some as loudly as they could, some barely audible. Then among the voices, one separated and became recognizeable as Maureen's.

" _Brenna! Brenna! Where are you? I can't find Mom and Dad! Brenna!"_

She cleared her throat and tried to yell through the smothering smoke. "Maureen, where are you?"

" _Brenna, help me, I can't find them!"_

She tried to move forward only to stumble over what felt like a seatback. How could she be walking on a seatback? She screamed as a hand suddenly grasped her ankle and then slid away. Reaching down, she tried to find the arm, but when she did and checked for a pulse, it could not be felt. Tears ran down her face as she heard Maureen's cries becoming weaker, and she continued to stumble toward the sound of her voice, hands outstretched in front of her. She screamed again as she stepped on something soft, but reaching down, discovered it was only a pillow.

Memory returned as she continued forward. "Maureen, talk to me!" she yelled, choking. They were on the commuter plane to Salt Lake City. Had they crashed? She didn't remember a crash. Thoughts flitted through her mind in split seconds. Flames began to leap into the air as fumes from the burning plastics and foam made it harder to breathe. Why was she breathing at all? No one else seemed to be. The cries had stopped and the flames gathered in intensity. As she worked her way forward, she checked for pulses in the bodies she was stumbling over. The only person who had a pulse was one who was irretrieveably trapped in the wreckage, and the man, a business man from the feel of his sleeve and watch, weakly pushed her away, knowing she couldn't help him. "Go, go..." he coughed.

Maureen did not return her cries anymore. Brenna fell to her knees, continuing forward, but losing strength and will. It seemed she had been searching intermineably when she came across a body she recognized. She was completely blinded now and everyone had begun to feel the same as she had traversed the length of the plane, but she instinctively knew this one... this was Mom...she checked the pulse...nothing at all. Reaching around, she tried to find Dad. He had been right next to Mom...she couldn't find him... maybe he and Maureen had gotten out! How could he live with half of his family gone? Why was she still breathing? She tried to crawl... find a door...tired...

She awoke covered in sweat, tears on her face. She knew, because Molly had told her once, that she thrashed around with this dream. Her mind began to clear, but as it did, the tears renewed themselves in earnest. She hadn't found her dad in her dream because in real life he had been thrown clear on impact. He did not have to live without half of his family...his girls had to live without half of theirs. They had not been on the plane, had not been anywhere near Salt Lake. At the time of the crash in Utah, Maureen had just seen Bryan off to work in Michigan. Brenna had been sleeping after working swingshift in Portland. Maureen had seen a blurb on CNN before anyone contacted her and had called Bryan to come home. It was a couple hours before Bryan could get reliable information from the airport. A spokesman for the company had regretfully told him there were no survivors. It hadn't been necessary to go down a list and wait for hours as rescuers searched, hoping. If they had been on that jet, they were gone, plain and simple.

Brenna had slept peacefully until Bryan had the information he needed. Then he'd made the heart-wrenching call a person prays he never has to make, the words so hard to say and so much harder to hear. A call that was now years in the past, but fresh in her memory.

She took a deep breath and let it out, feeling drained and blessedly emotionless for now.

Chapter 6

Brenna slept until ten o'clock when the cats began walking up and down her body, maowing with hunger. Stretching, she knocked kitties left and right, feeling every sore muscle in her body. She didn't know which took a larger toll, painting or sleeping on the floor. While running a bubble bath, she made coffee and ate a banana. Taking her coffee into the steamy bathroom, she eased herself into the deep claw-foot tub. Balancing her library book on a brass tray across the tub, she read until she had run in extra hot water several times to keep it warm.

She and Molly had gone shopping before she left Portland and Brenna had purchased large plush bath towels in shades of forest green and peach. Pulling a green towel off a new brass towel bar, she dried off and put on her flannel robe. Shivering at the cooler kitchen air, she trotted to the stairs to go to her room, stopping to pick up the phone receiver and check for a dial tone. Though she had kept a prepaid cell for work, she preferred landlines at home. She was rewarded by the familiar hum; the phone service was on. Now she could hook up the internet!

She ran upstairs and pulled on a warm sweat suit, then ran back down to the phone, Olivia trailing behind her.

"Let's see if I can reach Molly before she goes to work, okay? Good Lord, I'm talking to a cat." Brenna shook her head and picked up the phone from the small table.

The phone rang three times and then the answering machine kicked in. "I can't come to the phone right now, but if what you have to say is so all-fired important it can't wait, then leave a message at the beep." Brenna smiled and spoke into the phone, "Hey, Molly, it's me! Pick up if you're there!"

"Hey, how's it going, stranger?" Molly asked, answering the phone quickly. "Sorry, I was screening calls; the hospital was a zoo last night and no way was I going in early. How are you? I miss you!"

Brenna felt warm inside just hearing her friend's voice.

"I'm doing fine, painting like a mad woman. I seem to have acquired three cats, but we're getting along fine. You should see what I found! The owner had left behind a whole service of silver and she said I'm supposed to keep it. It has my initial on it. Weird, huh?"

"Cool is more like it. So you got to meet her?"

"Yes," Brenna replied, "I found her at the rest home in town. She's really sweet. I think I'm going to take her some of these flowers today. You wouldn't believe how this yard is blooming. When are you coming up?"

"How about this weekend? Liz wanted someone to trade with her so I have this one off."

"Oh, Molly, that would be great. The mattresses come Friday morning so it's perfect timing."

"Okay, I'll see you Friday around one or so. Gotta go to the store before work. I'll see you soon!" and Molly hung up.

Brenna looked at the cats lolling on the sofa.

"I think I'll call and see how Helena's doing today. I could take her some flowers and find out your names at the same time." They looked back at her placidly and Olivia yawned.

She pulled out her new phone book, smiling at the small, narrow volume, and called the rest home.

"Oh, I'm afraid Helena's not doing very well today," the secretary told her. "She's caught a bit of a cold and illness always seems to make her a little out of touch."

"Thanks anyway. I'll check back later."

Turning back to the cats, she said, "Okay, guys, it's you and me." She picked up the large one and flipped him over; a neutered male, thank God. "I'm going to call you Tubby, for obvious reasons...oh, who cares. You all come to 'kitty' anyway."

Later in the afternoon, Brenna scrubbed paint speckles off her face and arms, had lunch and went out to cut some flowers. She had found several large vases under the sink and now chose one for the parlor, and one to take to Helena. She gathered sweeping sprays of lavender lilacs and pink roses into the vases, and inserted some pure white tulips from under the front window for accent.

Putting the cats out under a faintly overcast sky for the afternoon, she drove into town with her window down, enjoying the fresh spring air. Where have I been all my life, she thought? And why wasn't I here?

She pulled into the rest home lot and carefully carried the large vase inside.

"Oh, those are beautiful! Are those for Helena?" the secretary asked.

"Yes, they're from her garden. Can I take them to her ?"

"Sure, go ahead. Just don't be surprised if she doesn't recognize you today."

Brenna walked down the hall, waving to Rusty as he called a greeting from his room. "Save that dance for me, dear!" She smiled.

Helena was bundled up in bed with classical music playing quietly in the background.

Brenna sat her flower arrangement on the bedside table. Helena smiled at her vaguely and then regarded the flowers for a moment.

"How beautiful. Are those from Martin?"

Brenna froze for a minute, temporarily speechless, and then responded, "He must have had them sent over. They just arrived."

"Oh, that was thoughtful. They smell wonderful. Did he say when he could come home? I miss him dreadfully, you know..."

"I'm not sure, Helena. I'll ask if I talk to him, alright?"

But Helena's attention had already shifted to the window, and Brenna quietly left the room.

She stopped at the office on her way out.

"How long has Helena's husband, Martin, been dead?" she asked the secretary.

"Oh, about a year now. She came here a few months ago; she was forgetting to eat and her health was failing. So she put the house on the market, but stipulated that it be sold only to the 'right' people. Frankly, I don't think anyone expected it to sell. It was pretty run-down and there are so many new houses for sale right on the waterfront."

"Well, I guess that was lucky for me, huh? Thanks for the information, I'll see you later," smiled Brenna.

She drove up to Mel's Cafe, parking across from the fire station. Wendy was on duty and so was Mel this time. Glancing around, Brenna noticed Adam wasn't in sight. For God's sake, why was she even looking?

"Hi, Brenna, how are you doing? How's your painting going?" Wendy greeted her enthusiastically. Brenna was surprised to notice how good it felt to be greeted warmly. She must have been feeling more isolated than she realized.

"Renovations are going fine, thanks for asking. How are you?"

"Oh, okay. Glad this shift is almost over. It's been a busy day. Can I get you something?"

Brenna sat down at the counter and looked over the menu.

"I think I'll just have a large iced tea, thanks."

A pleasant looking woman with fading blonde hair pulled back in a hairnet came out of the office and Wendy introduced her as Mel, the owner.

"Well, hi. You must be the new resident I've been hearing about. How do you like it here so far?" asked Mel.

"Well, I'm definitely still adjusting. I've moved up from Portland and this is a whole different world. I didn't realize how lonely I was getting until I came in here! I've worked full-time for years and working alone in my house just isn't the same. Luckily, my friend is coming up to visit this weekend," Brenna told them.

"Male or female?" asked Wendy with a gleam in her eye.

"Wendy, you are incorrigible." Brenna shook her head.

"Well, it's just my personal opinion, but don't you think she and Adam would make a nice couple, Mel?"

"She's right, you are an incorrigible matchmaker! However," she said, turning to Brenna, "she has a good track record. She introduced my brother to his wife right here."

Brenna smiled and changed the subject. "So there's a fire department in town. Is there a hospital nearby?"

"The closest one is fifteen miles north of here in Port Evan. It's small, but serves its purpose. If there's a serious problem, they send critical patients to Portland," Mel replied.

Yeah, don't I know it, Brenna thought grimly.

"Do you know if there's a plant nursery around here?" she asked them.

"As a matter of fact, my brother Bob and his wife have one north of here. Do you want directions?" Mel asked.

"That would be great. I've always lived in apartments so I've never gotten to grow any flowers or gardens. I thought I'd plant a rose to commemorate moving in. I just hope it doesn't keel over!"

"Oh, I'm sure you'll do fine," Mel smiled. "You just drive two miles north on the highway and turn right on Nursery Road."

"It doesn't sound too hard to find."

"Yes, it's well marked. They have a sign up, 'The Rose Garden Nursery'."

"Well, then I guess they probably have what I'm after. Thanks for the help." Brenna paid for her tea and went out to her Blazer.

The nursery had been easy to locate and Bob had helped Brenna load her selections into her vehicle. She had managed to unload the heavy pots by herself at home, only pricking herself a few times on her 'White Honor' rose bush. Later that evening, she watered the rose bush outside in its pot, leaving the planting for another day. After arranging a ficus in a corner near the fireplace, she hung a Boston fern near the window overlooking her porcelain kitchen sink. She had been interested to learn Boston ferns were introduced as houseplants in 1894, around the same time her house was built. She smiled at the thought... her house. After eight years of saving, she had her own house. Not quite where she thought it would be, but who could predict life's turns?

Tired after the long day, she decided to turn in a little early and went to the door to call the cats in. There they sat on the stoop; Olivia maowed at her and they trotted into the kitchen. Hmm, she thought, Tubby may be the biggest, but it sure looks like Olivia's the ring leader. Picking her up, she nuzzled her gray neck and Olivia licked her cheek in return.

After starting a small fire, she crawled into her sleeping bag and read by firelight until she fell asleep, cats curled around her cozily.

The fire crackled louder and louder, and smoke began to fill the air as the fire alarm started its insistent blare. Grabbing the big apron stored in the nursery for purposes such as this, she threw it over her head and began to carefully put bundled-up babies into its five large canvas pockets, disconnecting several IVs and heart monitors as she went. Taking an ambubag in the event that a baby needed resuscitation, she left the nursery and headed for the back stairs, confused babies howling in unison. The smoke was impossible to see through and she crouched as low as possible with her ponytail held over her nose to keep some smoke out. She hurried and hurried...where were the stairs? She should have been there by now! Tears began to roll down her sooty cheeks as the babies, one by one, became quieter until she could only hear the flames. Maybe she had gotten turned around in the smoke. She turned to go the other way, hot smoke searing her lungs, only to see the flames advancing. She sank to the floor holding her quiet babies, the useless ambubag falling from her hand...

Sandpaper was scraping her face...she slowly awoke to find Olivia licking the salty tears from her cheeks. Oh, God, it was just a dream!...just another nightmare. She held Olivia close and began to sob, crying for all her lost babies through the years until she fell into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

Chapter 7

Brenna woke on Thursday with a ferocious headache, swallowed some ibuprofen and crawled back into her sleeping bag. She woke again an hour later feeling somewhat better and made some strong coffee as she waited for her blueberry bagel to pop up in the toaster. When it finally did, she smeared butter on it; an act Molly considered sacrilegious, being of the opinion that every good bagel deserves cream cheese. Pouring her coffee into a large blue mug, she went outside and, dragging her adirondack chair into the back yard, sat and had breakfast in the misty morning sunshine.

"You know, guys," she addressed Olivia and Madeline, soaking up the rare sun while Tubby hunted for mousey presents, "I think you must be the laziest, luckiest animals in creation. All you do is lie around in the sun and occasionally give yourselves a bath. Oh, yes, and chase mice. Well, and Olivia wakes me up from nightmares. I guess that alone earns you guys a place of honor. Today you get to help me paint Molly's room. Fun, huh?"

When Brenna heard Gary's mail jeep pull up, she walked around the corner of the house to see if she'd gotten anything other than junk mail. She pulled the small pile from her dented old mailbox and waved at Gary as he honked on his way down the road. Oh, yippee, her first phone bill. Oh, and let's not forget the electric bill. She frowned as she looked at the magazine on the bottom of the pile. Her nursing magazine, she had changed her address at the post office, but hadn't thought to cancel the magazine. She looked at the tiny baby on the cover, ventilator tubing in his mouth and miniature heart leads covering his chest. She could almost feel the tiny body and his tubing in her hands and smell the nursery, at turns strong with antiseptic or sweet with the odor of tiny clean diapers. As she passed her large trash can by the driveway, she opened the lid and dropped the magazine in. No more.

Brenna finished painting her guest room in one day, exhausted, but content with her work. She laid a floral carpet in shades of green, rose and yellow at the bedside and a white chenille spread over the box spring, still waiting for its mattress. Well, tomorrow would arrive soon enough and the new mattresses with it.

That evening, Brenna built a small fire as the spring air became chilly and some clouds rolled in. She settled on the couch to read, cats curling up around her. After nodding off one too many times, she stood up slowly, stretching muscles unused to the art of wall painting.

"Okay, time for bed."

After poking the fire one last time, she headed up the stairs. Olivia trotted ahead while the other cats went to scope out the mice situation in the kitchen. She had laid her sleeping bag out on her boxspring, tired of the parlor floor, and now she burrowed into it and turned off the amber-shaded lamp on her nightstand. Olivia curled around her head and in less than a minute, they were fast asleep.

She sat in the rocker and unwrapped the package which had just arrived from Michigan. Her mother and sisters had been sewing and knitting since receiving news of the coming baby and they had mailed her what they had finished so far. She folded back the tissue paper and tears came to her eyes as she held up the soft, tiny gowns. Putting them aside, she lifted out a long, pure white christening gown with fine lace trim. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she beamed at the gown and stroked its soft folds. This, she knew, her mother had made. Mother had enlisted help in making the other tiny clothes, but the christening gown for her first grandchild was hers alone to make. She laid it neatly in the cradle which Martin had ordered from Portland on first hearing the news of their coming child. Withdrawing a tiny matching bonnet from the package, she placed it on the gown. She sat in her new rocker, tired after cleaning that afternoon. The baby was just a few months along, but already she could feel its vigorous kicks and rolls, especially when she sat down to rest. It had been an unseasonably warm day for February and a gentle breeze drifted through the half-opened window, fluttering the lace curtains and lifting the wispy curls escaping from her hair combs. She closed her eyes. Just a few minutes rest maybe...

Something was pushing on her head and weighing her down...she awoke to find Olivia kneading her hair and Tubby pinning her to the bed by draping himself across her back. Rolling over, she dumped him off and he nonchalantly curled beside her. "Good, guys, wake me up when I'm having a good dream for once." She pulled her sleeping bag snugly around her.

_The tears coursed their way down her face as she held the tiny white christening gown to her lips. All her hopes and dreams were being carefully packed into the box before her on the bed. The stacks of little gowns with their minute stitches, the quilts and baby blankets given to her by new friends here in town, the shawl she had knitted herself...she brushed a tear from the gown and, carefully folding it, put it in the box and covered it all with tissue paper. She tied the box closed with twine and, with drying eyes and a heavy heart, pulled down the stairs to the attic. Ascending the narrow steps, she placed the box near the trunk holding her wedding gown and veil, then turned and went back down. She pushed the steps back up to the ceiling; there would be no reason to go to the attic again, not for her. The doctor had said she would be unable to carry any more children. Devastated, they had gone to a specialist in Portland for a second opinion only to hear the same diagnosis and the words, "I'm sorry". On the train home, Martin had held her close until their tears for that day had been cried out and then he'd told her they would make a full life together, just the two of them. They would enjoy their nieces and_ _nephews to the fullest, but they would not let this destroy them. She hoped he was right. If anything was a test of love and devotion, it was this._

Tears rolled from her eyes as Brenna awoke to Madeline licking her wet eyelashes.

She had had a fair amount of nightmares since her parents' plane crash, but they had accelerated in the last couple of years with increasing job stress. At least since moving, she seemed to have a greater variety of topics. Wiping her eyes, she snuggled back down in her sleeping bag and did her relaxation mantra, a simple act of counting from one to ten and relaxing her body as she counted. Thankfully, before ten, she returned to dreamless sleep.

Chapter 8

The next morning dawned with a mist that blew off by eleven. By then, Brenna had taken the empty packing boxes to the small detached garage behind the house. She had found some old gardening tools in there and laughed, realizing she'd forgotten to buy a shovel to plant her rose.

The mattresses had been delivered early and, to Brenna's relief, the delivery men had taken them up the steep staircase for her. She had new feather pillows, now plumped in their white cases, and had made up the beds with clean old quilts. Crisp lace curtains were hung and wafted gently in the breeze from the open windows.

Brenna and the cats were reclining in the yard, Brenna in her chair and the cats on the warm concrete porch, when Molly drove up in her white Honda, stereo blaring. She jumped out of the car and stretched, muscles tired from the long, confining drive.

"Oh, it is so wonderful to be here! The air smells so good."

Brenna walked over and gave her a hug.

"It's great to have you here, I missed you."

"Ditto. Now help me carry all this junk inside!"

Once Molly's bags were unloaded, Brenna got out some fresh bread and fixed tuna sandwiches for lunch. At the sound of the can opener, the cats came running to the door. She let them in and put the empty can by their dish for them to scour clean.

Molly shuffled through her things and pulled out a flowered paper sack.

"I found you a present at the Saturday Market."

Brenna smiled, opened the bag and carefully withdrew the framed picture inside. It was a painting of a mother and baby sitting in a garden of roses and peonies. The mother was cradling the baby in her arms and looking with wonder into his face. Tears came to Brenna's eyes as she smiled.

"Oh, it's beautiful, Molly. I love it."

"Well, I know you needed a break from nursing babies and wasn't sure if you would want it or not, but it just seemed to belong here."

"You were right...it reminds me of the babies we've saved instead of the ones we couldn't. It will look wonderful in the parlor," Brenna said as she got up and passed through the dining room. She stood in the parlor for a minute and scanned the walls, then walked over to the fireplace and propped it on the stone mantle. She stood back with Molly and looked at it.

"Perfect," they agreed.

"Okay, now come see what I've done with the upstairs."

They lugged Molly's belongings up to the yellow bedroom.

"This is great! This is so nice," Molly said, surveying the room. "You've really done a great job."

She flopped on the bed.

"I think I'll just stay here for the rest of the day."

"Not likely," Brenna said, reaching over and pulling on her arm. "Come see my room."

"Oh, okay..." Molly grumbled, shuffling across the hall. "Yes, this is beautiful, too. But you know what? My bed just looks so inviting..."

"Oh, go ahead, take a nap; I know how you are. We can go running when you get up," Brenna replied, well aware of her friend's propensity for midday naps. Smiling, she closed Molly's door, went back downstairs and contemplated her painting a few minutes more.

Two hours later they were on their way to the beach, Molly feeling restored after her nap. Brenna had seen a sign reading "beach access" on her way into town one day and now she turned left off the highway onto a gravel road that faded into sand and widened into a small clearing surrounded by evergreens. She slipped her keys into a pocket of her shorts and they walked briskly down the path to the beach to warm up. The trees opened onto a long, seemingly endless stretch of beach, seagulls swooping and crying over the surf.

After taking deep breaths of the fresh sea air, they headed south, running on the wet sand. The spring sun was warm on their faces and although the breeze was chilly, it made for perfect running conditions.

Brenna was thinking about turning and heading back when she noticed a lone boy on the beach over a hundred feet away, running back and forth between the surf and dry sand. He was yelling, but was too far away to be understood. As soon as he saw them, he turned and made a beeline straight for them, dry sand churning under his feet.

Brenna grabbed Molly's arm as she wiped perspiration from her red curls. "What do you make of that?"

Molly frowned. "I don't know, but it doesn't look good." They sprinted further south on the beach toward him.

As they drew closer, they began to understand his cries.

"My brother, my brother! He's in the water..."

Panting, they all stood for a few seconds looking out at the surf.

Molly leaned down. "Has anyone called 911?"

He nodded, tears rolling down his face. "There were some people walking by after...called on their cell phone." He pointed down the beach to a couple scanning the waves.

Brenna and Molly ran further south with him. "Show us where he went in. How old is he, can he swim?" Brenna asked him. With trepidation, she vaguely recalled a sign near the beach front in town warning swimmers of dangerous tides off this coast.

He stopped, sobbing and retching. "Somewhere here."

Molly knelt and grabbed his cold, wet shoulders while Brenna scanned the sparkling, empty sea.

"How old is he and can he swim?"

"He's ten, he can swim real good, but..." he sobbed.

"What?"

"The log hit him in the head and he went under."

Molly looked out over the ocean with dread. "Bren, do you see a log?" Their eyes hurt from staring at the sparkling waves, but then Brenna pointed slightly north. "There! There's a log."

Dragging the tired boy with them, they retraced their steps.

"What's his name?"

"Jared."

Brenna untied her windbreaker from around her waist and put it over his shoulders and then the women trotted into the surf up to their shorts, not daring to go further after they felt the strong tug of the undertow.

"Jared!" they called until they were hoarse, scanning the brilliant waves without ceasing until spots danced before their eyes.

After a few minutes, Brenna heard a siren and looked north to see a red pickup, red and white lights flashing, speeding toward them over the wet sand. She ran out of the water waving her arms. "Here!"

The pickup rolled to a stop and three people were out of it in an instant; the driver heading for Brenna and the boy, the others grabbing equipment.

The driver reached Brenna quickly. "What happened?"

The boy cried, "Jared's in the water, a log hit him..."

The man looked up at Brenna and she nodded confirmation, realizing with a start that this was the man she had met in the cafe. So this is what those rescue people did.

Adam spoke rapidly over his radio as he ran to the water. "501 to Medical Control, confirm we have a victim in the water; activate the Coast Guard helicopter."

As he continued his report, Molly came out of the surf, tears in her eyes, covered in goosebumps from the cold water. As Brenna hugged the crying boy closely, Molly whispered, "I can't see him, Bren." Brenna hugged her with her free arm as the tears overflowed. She was once again struck by the thought of such a soft-hearted person doing the work Molly did almost every day. She had never quite understood it...the thought passed through her mind in a split second and she was once again aware of the shivering boy and woman in her arms, the rescue people combing the water with their eyes. Why didn't they go in the water, didn't any of them know how to dive? She began to feel angry at the hopelessness of it all. What good were they anyway if all they could do was look? For God's sake, she and Molly had been doing that. As her frustration climbed, she heard a cry behind her.

"Matthew!"

The boy turned and flew from Brenna's side to the small woman running toward them in the dry sand, an older woman trotting behind her. Brenna couldn't hear what was said as the woman wrapped her arms around the boy, but then saw her raise her head toward the ocean as she screamed, "Jared!" Grabbing the tired boy's hand, she raced for the water's edge. She let go of Matthew and would've plunged into the surf had Adam not grabbed her and held her close. She beat her fists against his chest for a moment and then collapsed sobbing in his arms. He spoke quietly to her, his eyes never leaving the water, then turned to see if there was anyone to care for her. Matthew was being hugged by his grandma, but Brenna and Molly had come up closer behind Adam; seeing a parent's distress was nothing new to them. Adam handed the woman into their arms and they helped her walk back to Matthew and her mother.

When more rescue personnel arrived, one of the jumpsuited women brought a blanket from the truck to wrap around Matthew. He tried to push her away, hysteria increasing, but she got on her knees and spoke firmly to him. "Matthew, if you don't let me help you, I'm going to have to take you to the hospital right now. You are too cold." He stared at her, teeth chattering, and didn't push her away again as she wrapped the blanket around him, his mother's arms holding it snugly to him.

As the EMT began to question Matthew about the accident, Brenna heard the beat of a helicopter's blades and looked up to see the red and white Coast Guard helicopter coming in to hover over the water. Mixed feelings of hope and anger battled inside of her. What did they expect to find at this point? On the other hand, stranger things had happened; cold water caused a diving reflex in children resulting in less brain damage from a lack of oxygen. She sighed, who was she kidding? Drowning in salt water caused the lungs to draw in more fluid; Jared could drown at the hospital even if he was found and resuscitated.

More time passed with fruitless searching until finally the helicopter turned south and headed home.

The mother looked up. "No, no..."

Adam approached her and took her by the arms.

"Leah, it's been two hours since Jared was last seen. There has been no sign of him, nothing, and the tide is going out. I'm sorry, honey, he's gone."

A curious calm came over the woman at his words as she held onto her remaining son. She nodded and said, "I have to reach Harry...he's in the woods..."

"Leah, we already found him. The company helicopter just picked him up and he'll meet us at the hospital."

She shook her head. "We don't have to go to the hospital."

"Leah, Matthew may have hypothermia. We should have taken him in before, but knew he wanted to stay as long as possible."

Leah nodded like an automaton. "Harry will meet us there..."

Adam and another EMT herded them and the grandma to the four-wheel drive ambulance parked behind the pickup. When had that arrived? Brenna hadn't noticed. The two hours had passed in a blur of tears and sparkling water.

As the ambulance sped away, Adam returned to Molly and Brenna. "The other guys went back in the ambulance. Do you need a ride somewhere?"

"My Blazer's about a mile north of here. That'd be nice," Brenna replied, rubbing her arms.

They climbed into the pickup feeling cold and damp, and Adam turned it around on the widening stretch of wet sand. He turned the heater on high for them.

Brenna's anger and frustration got the better of her. "Why didn't any of you go in after him? Don't you have a diver or boat or something?"

Adam looked at her. "No, we don't have a diver or boat or something. Only coastguard divers can dive in waters like these. They're not safe. That's why signs are posted on the public beaches. The actual rescuing is usually done by the coast guard and today they saw no one to rescue."

Brenna turned and stared out the window. Soon enough, they were at the path they had started from. After the women climbed out of the pickup, she turned and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you did the best you could with what you had. It's just so senseless..."

Adam looked straight into her eyes and said, "You're right, it is." Then he put the truck in gear and drove away.

After returning silently to the house, they took turns taking hot showers and Brenna baked some chicken in the oven. It felt good to be back home, comforting; surrounded by the warmth of the fireplace, her cats, the old house.

As the sun fell lower over the trees, they ate their dinner by the fire. After eating in silence for some time, Brenna spoke up. "I'm sorry, Molls, that your first day back here was so hard."

Molly looked up at her. "Bren, I wouldn't have been anywhere else."

"How can you say that? It was obviously upsetting you and there was nothing we could do..."

"We may not have helped Jared, but at least Matthew had someone helping him look for his brother before the fire department got there. And we were there to take his mother from Adam and lead her back to her mother so Adam didn't have to stop looking."

Brenna smiled weakly. "The incurable optimist...I've never understood how you do what you do. It seems harder on you than the other nurses. I don't know how many times I've found you in the bathroom crying because you lost another baby."

"But that's just it; I grieve, Brenna. I'm not able to stuff it away and because of that, it doesn't build up until I fall apart. I go to the funerals and I cry and then I go on. Maybe if you could have done that, you wouldn't have burned out. I feel bad saying it, because I don't really think you could've changed how things went. You'd been through so much...I'm rambling."

"That's okay, I know what you're trying to say. But I'm just not made like you. And I'm okay here, really. I get lonely sometimes, but it still seems like I'm on some adventure or something. I'll let you know when I get bored."

"You better! I was surprised to find how lonely a big city can be when your best friend's gone."

Chapter 9

The fog that had surrounded them on waking had blown off by noon the next day and Brenna and Molly were on their way to the rest home with a fresh arrangement of tulips, lilacs and pink roses. Brenna had remembered Jared's family soon after she awoke and then had attempted to push the memory of them to the back of her mind. There was nothing she could do...everyone had their turn with grief and pain, but this was not hers and she couldn't afford to worry about it. Her emotions were precarious enough right now.

Molly buried her face in the flowers. "These smell so wonderful. I'll have to take some home with me."

"Take whatever you want, there's sure enough to go around."

Brenna had pulled her hair back with her favorite combs and put on a brightly-flowered dress, as if cheerful clothing was a shield against misfortune. Molly had just thrown her overalls on with a t-shirt and seemed to be in her usual high spirits.

They stopped in at the rest home to see Helena first.

"Hi, how's Helena today?"

"She's doing well. I'm sure she'll be glad to have visitors."

They found her in front of her window, this time with a soft rose shawl over her shoulders.

"Oh, I am so glad you could visit. Are those flowers from my yard?"

Brenna smiled. "Yes, they are. This is my friend, Molly, from Portland. Molly, this is Helena Montgomery."

"Pleased to meet you," said Molly.

"Oh, likewise, dear." Helena looked out the window and her eyes drooped for a minute. Brenna thought she was falling asleep and moved toward the door when Helena started and said, "Now, where was I? Oh, yes. I don't get around so well these days, you know. I'll have to ask you to take down all the curtains and wash them and wash the windows also. Martin does appreciate a clean house. I'm just going to rest in the rocker here for a spell, and then I'll work on polishing the silver."

"That sounds just fine, Helena," Brenna said, and she ushered Molly from the room. "Sometimes she knows me, but even so, she falls really quickly into the past. I just go along with it and bow out fast."

"Too bad, she seems like a sweetie." Molly took a last glance back at her, alone in front of her window.

"Yeah, she is." They climbed into the Blazer and sped north on the highway.

Brenna turned up the stereo and rolled down her window. The trees between the beach and the highway gradually thinned until they vanished. Here and there they noticed beautiful beach houses with expansive windows.

"Now, I'll take one of those!" Molly told her.

Brenna smiled. "In your dreams."

They spent the afternoon walking the streets of Port Evan, looking at Victorian homes and in all the shops. Molly was thrilled to find a store selling home-made candy and bought two pounds of fudge. When the air began to take on a chill, they ordered take-out hamburgers and left for home.

That evening, Brenna closed the windows as the evening grew more cold and damp.

"I love this fireplace," Brenna said complacently. "I don't care if they do pull heated air from the room. It still keeps me warm and provides an atmosphere that a wood stove just can't." She looked up at her new painting. "You know, other than being kind of lonely sometimes, I am really happy here. Yesterday excepted, of course." She walked through into the kitchen to let the cats in and closed the back door.

"Molly, want some cocoa?" she called.

"Is it your homemade kind?"

"Nothing but the best for you, dear!"

Molly laughed, "Yes, please, I've been having cocoa withdrawal since you moved." She curled up on the couch and looked out the bay window at the sunset coloring the sky in shades of rose and lavender.

Brenna poured the cocoa into china mugs trimmed with roses and carried them carefully into the parlor.

Handing a hot mug to Molly, she sat down in her rocker and pulled her feet up under her. She carefully held onto her cocoa while Olivia hopped into her lap.

"Oh, Brenna, I think you had the right idea. It is so restful to come up here. I mean even if we're busy doing things, there's just a different quality of life. One thing concerns me, though. There don't seem to be a lot of guys out here. Adam's cute, is he single?"

Brenna nodded.

"Then again, he seems awfully serious. But I guess 911 calls are serious. Hmm. How do you know he's single anyway?"

"Wendy at the coffee shop told me. I think she was trying to set us up. You know I don't want to date anymore, not for awhile anyway. It's just not worth it. I mean, either you know you're supposed to be with someone or you don't. He didn't seem interested anyway."

"It's not always so black and white. And besides, don't you miss sex?"

Brenna laughed. "You've gotta remember, you and I are very different." She paused and changed the subject. "Molls... I've been having the weirdest dreams lately. Not just the usual ones, I still have those too, but I seem to have had three dreams about the same person. It's as if I am the woman in the dream, except that it's not me, it's someone else. The dreams all center around the woman being pregnant and losing her baby."

Molly considered what she'd heard while blowing on her steaming cocoa. "Off the top of my head, could they be triggered by leaving the NICU and moving to a new place? Maybe it's your unconscious trying to reconcile everything you've gone through lately."

Brenna thought about it for a minute. "I suppose...the woman's inability to have more children could represent my break with nursing...her loss of the baby could be the loss I've felt through the years. I don't know though, it just seems like there's more to it than that, as if I know her. Although, I suppose if she was representing me, I would know her, wouldn't I?"

"Well, maybe this place will eventually have a healing effect on you. If any place could, it's here. Or the Bahamas of course, but then I wouldn't get any cocoa!"

Brenna went to bed earlier than usual, tired from all the walking they had done. Tucking her blankets in snugly around herself, she looked around her at the pretty room with its warm pink walls, then turned off the bedside lamp.

She stood in the operating room checking the equipment on three radiant warmers that would keep the babies warm after delivery. Three. Why three? She checked the mother's chart on the circulator's table. Triplets, that's why. Where were the other NICU nurses and the pediatricians? There should be a team for each baby. She shivered in the cool OR and checked the blood type, A+, good. Looking at the name on the chart, she gasped. Molly! It couldn't be her Molly. Surely there were other...the OR door swung open as a crew wheeled Molly in with tears streaming down her face. "Brenna, Brenna! They're too early! Please, you've got to help them! Please, Bren..." The labor nurse tried to comfort and calm her.

_Brenna called back to the nursery to check on the other teams, but the phone just rang and rang. Hanging up, she raced back to the warmers and made sure everything was in order as surgery began. Molly continued to cry silently; she had chosen epidural anesthesia instead of a general. If her babies weren't going to make it, she wanted to see them alive if she could, at least hear them cry once if that was all she would ever hear from them. Brenna told herself, "You've got to do this. You can do this..." They handed her the first baby, a little squall issuing from his lungs. She popped him into the warmer and dried him off, careful with his fragile skin, but trying to provide stimulation. He continued to cry weakly as they called her to take the second baby. She put her in the warmer beside her brother. She was blue and stimulation didn't help. She grabbed the bag and had only gotten a few puffs in when they called her for the last baby. Molly was sobbing as she looked over at her tiny babies, and the anesthesiologist put medication in her IV to calm her. The last baby, another boy, cried and stopped breathing. Brenna gave him a couple puffs and looking at his brother, saw he was no longer breathing. Sweat rolled down_ _her back as she gave the first boy some ventilation. They were just too early, their lungs were shutting down..."I need some help here!" The babies, all well under two pounds, lay next to each other in one warmer and turned varying shades of gray and blue. She tried to give each a few puffs at a time...she didn't even have time to check heart rates. There probably weren't any anyway. "I need to intubate! Get me some surfactant!" But the surgeons continued to calmly finish the surgery as Molly fell asleep from the medication. Desperately, Brenna quickly stuck the floppy little bodies into a warm transporter and ran, pushing it to the NICU. She never realized the hallway was so long...and so deserted. She ran and ran, unnoticed tears rolling down her cheeks...the cats bounded down the hall toward her and jumped on her, trying to climb her legs. "Not now!" she yelled but they persisted..._

Olivia kept pushing her nose into Brenna's eyes, trying to lick the tears away, waking her in the process. She wiped her face, but continued to cry. "Oh God, I'm so tired...so tired of all this." She pulled her kitty close and cried herself back to sleep.

Chapter 10

Molly knocked on Brenna's door the next morning, then opened it. "Hey, sleepyhead, you usually have to wake me up. It's eleven o'clock already."

Brenna rolled over and rubbed her eyes. "Geez, I have a headache." Then remembering, "Oh Molly, I had the worst dream..."

"I bet. You look like hell. I made coffee, come eat something."

Brenna told Molly her dream as they ate eggs and toast and drank Molly's strong coffee.

"Bren, I hope you get over these dreams here. And triplets, damn! No thanks!"

Brenna laughed, feeling better after eating a good breakfast and sharing her night terrors.

Later that evening, Brenna saw Molly off, her back seat full of roses and lilacs, with orders to hug everyone in the NICU. She smiled and waved, but as the car drove out of her sight, her eyes misted over. Olivia walked up and gently pawed at her leg. "We had fun, didn't we, honey? I believe you'll miss her too." Remembering her dream of the night before, she thought whatever would I do if something happened to Molly, never mind her children? She considered Molly her main family. Well, she'd just have to believe Molly would stay well; she'd had a charmed life up to this point.

The other cats maowed indignantly, having felt rather neglected this weekend. "Oh, you sillies. Here, have some treats." They tried to accept them with a modicum of dignity and swallow them whole at the same time. Now that Molly had left, Brenna felt lonelier than before she had arrived. Oh, well, she thought, time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Tomorrow I'll start my first wallpaper project.

Chapter 11

Brenna rose the next morning with every intention of getting right to work on wallpapering. Half an hour after breakfast, she realized she had been wandering around the house restlessly, unable to put her mind to the task. Finally she realized what she needed was a good run. She thought about running on her road, but running on gravel was irritating, it made that scritch-scratch sound and feeling under your feet. She didn't really want to go back to the beach after the drowning. After a couple more circles around the house, she remembered she had moved here for the ocean. Avoiding it made about as much sense as avoiding the road after a traffic accident. Sure, you didn't want to run right back out there, but you had to drive sooner or later. It wouldn't be any fun for awhile, but she intended to keep running and she preferred sand to gravel or asphalt.

Fifteen minutes later, she pulled into the small sandy lot where she and Molly had been three days before. Today it was overcast and cooler, and she zipped up her windbreaker before she started out.

When she reached the open beach, she looked north and south and decided north was a better idea this time. Stretching one last time, she tightened her ponytail and turned right at the water's edge, the lapping waves just missing her running shoes. The sea air wasn't as refreshing as usual. She wondered how long it would take for her to feel 'normal' again. Then she grimaced. She hadn't felt 'normal' for quite awhile.

Brenna was just thinking about turning around and heading back when she noticed a man and a dog jogging toward her. Uncomfortable with a stranger running behind her, she chose to keep going forward and turn after they had passed. City girl instincts died hard.

As they drew closer, it was easy to identify the dog as a black Lab. It took a few more minutes to recognize the man as Adam, the EMT she had practically insulted the other day.

Oh, great, just what I need.

She slowed her pace when she noticed they had and put on a polite smile, trying to slow her breathing and brushing back her loose strands of hair.

"Brenna, is it?"

"That's right. Adam, I want to apologize for my attitude the other day..."

He cut her off. "No, that's fine. Everyone reacts differently to tragedy. That was an awful day." Looking out over the water, he ruffled his dog's fur absently.

"How is Jared's family doing?" she asked.

"Oh, you know...as good as can be expected. Sometimes angry, sometimes grief stricken...at least they're not blaming Matthew. It's really bad when that happens. Jared knew not to go in the water without a grownup as well as Matthew did. It's a little harder convincing Matthew of that, but they're trying." He took a deep breath and wiped his forehead.

"Well, if there's anything I can do..."

He finally smiled at her. "Thanks, I think they've got the help they need. Their church is doing dinners for awhile. Some people are filling in for Leah and Harry's shifts for at least this week."

"What does Leah do?"

"She a teacher in town."

"Can't help her there, I guess."

He looked at her quizzically.

She smiled wryly. "Used to be a nurse."

"Oh, yeah? Why 'used to'?"

It was Brenna's turn to look out over the water and she made an arc in the sand with her shoe. "Just got tired of it." She changed the subject. "You have a nice dog there." He had been nosing Brenna's hand since approaching her and now she scratched behind his ears. If a dog could smile, he was.

"His name is Max and he's my best buddy. My brother has a kennel and breeds and raises Labs and Retrievers. Max here is three now and is behaving himself better. For a while I thought he was going to be an overgrown puppy forever."

"I always had big dogs growing up. I had a few mutts and a lab. But since I've been on my own, I've been too busy with college and work to take care of one," Brenna said wistfully. "Of course, I do have the cats and they think they rule the roost...but it's not quite the same."

"So, Helena's cats found their way home, huh?" Adam laughed. "She doted on those animals...one time, I remember, she had a dozen. Martin was tripping over them all the time and after a while, Helena caught on to the fact that he'd started giving them away. He got rid of at least four, but after Helena found out, he didn't try that again."

"Well, I've got three and Helena seems to think they've all come home so I guess the family's complete." She looked thoughtfully at Max. "I don't know. A dog would be nice. I'm just not used to so much responsibility in my own home! I'm beginning to get the feeling I've lived the last decade in a bubble. Work and sleep, work and sleep." She looked up and cleared her throat. "Well, I guess I better get back. I have some wallpapering to do."

"Mind if we run with you? We're headed in that direction anyway."

"Sure, that's fine." Brenna turned south, running against the breeze. Hmm, 'headed in that direction anyway' was definitely not a pick-up line. Oh, well, she didn't want to date anyway, right? Right. However, she still found herself aware of his presence, of his strong legs running smoothly and his measured breathing. She was more than glad to reach her starting point.

Brenna slowed her pace. "Okay, this is where I get off. I'll see you around."

Adam nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you later."

The unspoken question in both their minds was 'when?' as Brenna walked to her Blazer and Adam called Max in from the surf.

Adam watched her disappear into the trees. A nurse. Sounded like a burned-out nurse. Well then, the last thing she needed was damaged goods. He'd been through too much heartache himself this year. Too bad for him she was so damn pretty.

Chapter 12

Over the next week, Brenna managed to paper the parlor with a certain amount of help from do-it-yourself library books and calls to the hardware store. When she was done, she put all the furniture back in place and her painting back on the mantle. She had bought a beautiful rose-shaded lamp in town and it now sat on the table next to the phone. Standing back, she surveyed the room. Beautiful, just beautiful. She smiled with delight, a warm feeling of satisfaction stealing over her.

That evening, Brenna climbed into a hot bubble bath and read until her eyelids were drooping. She had had no more nightmares this week, she could hardly believe it. Maybe Molly was right, maybe this place was healing. She dried off and slipped into her favorite terrycloth robe. After letting the animals out for one last rendezvous with the lawn, she brushed her auburn hair until it shone. She looked in the mirror critically. No, she couldn't cut her hair, it was one of her best assets. Her father had loved his girls' hair. They had their mother's hair...her eyes grew misty and she shook her head. Enough, she was tired of being sad.

She sat on the front steps, her eyes heavy as if she had cried out all her tears. She twisted a delicate white handkerchief in her hands and smoothed her black dress over her knees. They had just that morning buried her precious baby, her Victoria Rose. She had been so tiny, too impossibly tiny to live; so completely perfect with her downy hair, her translucent skin, her beautiful little hands and feet with their tiny nails. She had considered burying her in her christening gown, but then decided she couldn't part with it. Instead she and Martin had looked over the tiny clothes and chosen a soft pink knit dress, a gift from her best friend, Margaret. Margaret had come over and helped her ready the baby for burial, just the day after her birth and death. Townspeople were saying she had gone mad with grief, not calling in the undertaker and trying to bury her baby herself. These weren't the dark ages after all. But Margaret understood and was honored to tears that her dress had been chosen for Victoria's burial. Margaret and her husband had come to stand with them over the grave in the back corner of their property, surrounded with a white picket fence, as the minister said words of grief and comfort over the little coffin. She and Martin had each thrown a handful of dirt on the tiny coffin, and Margaret had caught her as she began to collapse from grief while the men finished filling in the small grave. The stone would not arrive until next week. But they had chosen to honor their only daughter on this day by planting a climbing pink rose by their front door so her memory would be ever present. And so she sat on the steps in the June sunshine, unable to understand how the sun could shine on this day, while Martin tamped the dirt down around the bush. It wasn't blooming yet, but Martin had said it was a beautiful rose and he always spoke the truth to her. Standing, he brushed off his hands and helped her up and into the parlor...

Chapter 13

Olivia was nosing at her as Brenna awoke to a morning of sunshine. Unfortunately, she had her usual nightmare headache, but at least she wasn't in tears. She lay in bed for a little while as details of the dream came back to her. This was obviously the same person she had dreamt of before. She didn't really believe these dreams represented her. It seemed to be someone else...a chill came over her as she thought of the rose planted for the baby...by the front door...like the roses draping her own front door. Could these dreams be about someone real... and not just figments of her unconscious mind? No, that was too wild. And yet...the husband's name was always Martin. Helena's husband had been named Martin. She sighed. It was time to check out Helena's past in a little more detail. Brenna had not changed her whole life to end up in a haunted house, if that's what it was. But haunted by who? She always seemed to see things from Helena's point of view and Helena was still alive. She sighed.

Stretching sore muscles, Brenna decided a run on the beach would be in order. She had been cooped up in this house all week and was beginning to understand the term 'housebound'.

On reaching the beach, she stretched a little more and headed for the surf. Squinting her eyes, she recognized a familiar figure as her mailman ambled toward the access road, his arm around a slight woman who was obviously pregnant. Brenna managed to hide a scowl. She did not want to be involved in their happy family scenario. Good God, how anti-social she'd become! When did that happen?

"Hi, Brenna, how's the move going?" Gary called as they approached.

"Hi. It's been going well, I'm all moved in. You must be Julie," she said.

"Honey, this is Brenna Callahan, the lady who bought Helena's place," Gary told his wife. She was a tiny woman, no taller than 4' 11", Brenna was sure. Her hair was a pale red, curling around her face in the breeze. She had the fair, faintly freckled skin of most redheads and Brenna had the feeling a good amount of sunscreen had been lavished on her face and arms. An automatic assessment formed in Brenna's mind...small, short stature, a redhead so a potentially greater chance of increased bleeding with delivery (an old wives' tale too often true)...not the kind of patient you were thrilled to see coming. But who knew, maybe she'd do just fine...

"It's nice to meet you, I've heard about you around town," Julie said, shaking her hand.

"Oh? From whom?"

"Oh, just around. In talking to Wendy, Mrs. McNair...you know."

"Yes, I do," Brenna laughed.

"We haven't lived here very long, but Mrs. McNair seems to be a font of information on everyone and their business," Julie smiled.

"Yes, that was my impression too. So you guys haven't lived here long either?"

"No, Gary's a friend of Adam Chambers, they met in Eugene. Adam's a firefighter here in town."

"Yes, we've met," Brenna said.

"He's a nice man, isn't he? Anyway, at the time, Gary and I were engaged and after we were married, Adam told Gary about the postal job and here we are."

"Do you get lonely up here or have you met a lot of people?" Brenna asked.

"Well, people have been nice, but I really don't get out much, I'm not a very social person." Julie smiled apologetically.

Makes two of us, I guess, Brenna thought, but she decided to make an effort. "Maybe we can have lunch sometime. I'm in the process of wallpapering my kitchen and dining room, but maybe when I'm done, we could get together," she suggested.

"That sounds nice," Julie agreed.

Brenna thought she was becoming more pale and Gary must have had the same impression.

"Let's go, honey, I think that's enough exercise for today. We'll see you later, Brenna."

"Sure, it was good to meet you, Julie," Brenna waved as they walked away.

She turned south and started running into the wind, concentrating on nothing but the beauty of the spring afternoon and the crisp ocean air. Her feet hit the wet sand in measured steps and the sun felt warm on her face.

After running about a mile, stopping to pick up a sand dollar and toss a jellyfish back into the sea, she slowed her pace. Looking around, it dawned on her slowly that she had reached the stretch of beach where Jared had drowned. She remembered that group of trees and the huge driftwood stump high on the sand. Tears came to her eyes and she fought them back, sniffling. So this was how it would be. There was nowhere she could go where she wouldn't at sometime be assailed by a feeling of grief. It was just a part of life and it existed here on her beautiful beach as well. She sighed and turned to run up the coast.

That afternoon, Brenna sat on a vinyl bar stool at the counter in Mel's Cafe.

"Hey, how've you been? haven't seen much of you lately. Adam either. I don't suppose you two..." Wendy smiled at Brenna.

"No! Give it a rest already. I didn't come here to find a man, Wendy. Besides, he's probably busy with the fire department and everything."

Wendy laughed. "Since when did the fire department take the place of a good woman? Do you even know anything about him?"

Brenna swirled her glass of tea around on the counter, unconsciously making rings Wendy would have to wipe up after she left. "I know he's an EMT, he's fairly attractive...I guess that's it." Fairly...be honest already, she thought to herself.

"Well, he's a paid fireman in Port Evan, does three twenty-four shifts a week. Then he volunteers here. He helps the older people around town with home maintenance and he runs with Max. He definitely needs a social life. I heard he broke up with someone before he moved here and he hasn't gone out with anyone since that I know of."

Brenna was flabbergasted. "God, Wendy, is there anything you don't know? Or tell?"

Wendy grinned. "Not much. But I don't gossip, just tell people what they want to know."

Yeah, right, Brenna thought. "Have you told him anything about me?"

"Oh, no," Wendy said innocently.

"I don't need a guy to complicate my life right now, especially one on the rebound. Besides, I'm sure he knows more interesting women than me. Although, I have to admit, he's a handsome man. Now, let's talk about something else."

Wendy nodded, knowing when to quit.

"I ran into Gary and Julie on the beach today. Does anyone around here know her well enough to throw a shower for her?" Brenna asked.

"You know, I'm not sure. I'm ashamed to say I hadn't thought about that yet," Wendy wiped the other end of the counter slowly. "Probably not, I guess. She's due in...three months, is it?"

"Yes, I think so. Gary said the middle of August the other day," Brenna replied. "Maybe we could surprise her with a shower at my place after I'm done wallpapering."

Wendy's eyes lit up. "That's a great idea! I could help you make a list of people she might know or who would like to come. Gary could tell us if there's any family who would want to come up from Eugene. I think she has some sisters down there."

"I'll try to catch him when he drops the mail off tomorrow and ask him. I should get my old crochet hooks out. I used to crochet quite a bit, but then I got too busy. I'll have time now, won't I? How does the first week in June sound? I can have the wallpapering done, but people won't be going on vacation yet and the summer people will just be starting to arrive." Brenna handed her glass to Wendy for a refill.

Wendy laughed. "Give you a project and you're on a roll, aren't you? I'll make a list of people in town who might like to come. I know Gary and Julie have been attending the Lutheran church so I'll check with them. And Mrs. McNair, Julie's at the library a lot so I know they've met. This is a good idea, Brenna. Julie's so shy I think she'll be surprised to see how many people would be glad to come."

"That's the impression I got too. Are there any good yarn or craft stores in town?"

"There's a new store that went in a couple months ago in Port Evan...my mom just went there and loved it...oh, I can't remember the name, just a minute." Wendy went to the phone behind the counter and called her mother.

"Okay," she said, hanging up the phone. "The name is 'A Stitch in Time'. It's on Cranberry Street. You just take the first left after getting into town. I guess it's got a really good selection of yarn and stuff."

"Great, thank you. I love stores like that. The only problem is I tend to come away with more projects than I have time for." Brenna smiled. "I keep forgetting that's not a problem right now. I'm so used to having my life ruled by my job."

"Yeah, tell me about it..."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Wendy!" Brenna smacked her forehead.

"Here, let me do that for you," Wendy said, reaching across the counter. "No, I'm kidding. I happen to like this job anyway, believe it or not. I like working with people and seeing them leave happier than when they came in."

"Well, I can believe that 'happier' part. Speaking of which, is there any apple pie left?"

Wendy smiled and brought her a large piece. "We aim to please!

A 'Stitch in Time' proved to be a needleworker's dream. It rivaled stores in Portland easily and actually had a review from a Portland newspaper posted in the window. Brenna stopped to read the article, was suitably impressed, and then moved on to some serious shopping.

There was a wide range of merchandise for all kinds of needlework from knitting to needlepoint to silk ribbon embroidery. The colors and textures filled Brenna's senses and she was reminded of the pleasure she had once taken in crocheting blankets and knitting mittens for her nieces and nephews in Michigan. She had usually given her handiwork away, but had one remaining afghan, the lavender one she kept on the rocking chair. She should crochet a rose-colored one too...first things first; a baby blanket took priority. Remembering the lovely shade of Julie's hair, she decided on soft mint green baby yarn for the small afghan. Maybe the baby would have his mama's hair. She came across a deep scarlet that would have looked stunning on Ariel. Well, that was one little sweater that would never be knitted. Brenna resolutely put the sad memory from her mind. Wandering over to the cash register, she picked up several large skeins of rose mohair for a new parlor afghan. After paying for her purchases, she strolled to the Blazer, already crocheting different patterns in her mind.

The cats had spent their morning sleeping in the sun and, as Brenna pulled into the drive, they woke up as of one accord and trotted to the back door, maowing their protest at being separated from their food.

"Hey, I thought cats were nocturnal, you guys," Brenna informed them as she unlocked the door and they darted past her.

"You know, I'm beginning to feel like I've acquired a family, not just a few pets." Her 'family' ignored her.

Shaking her head, she went over to the parlor table to check the messages, trailing a finger through fine dust on the tabletop as the machine rewound. These old houses seemed to get dusty more quickly, she thought.

There was a message from Molly, calling before leaving for work to see if Adam had called her yet. Brenna was slightly annoyed, but had to laugh. Her best friend was about as much a matchmaker as Wendy.

The second call was from Michigan though, and sounded more serious. "Brenna, are you there? No? Well, Sophie fell and cut her leg badly enough to need stitches this morning and she was just wanting to tell her story to Aunt Brenna and get some more comforting. If you get in before eight our time, she'd appreciate a call." Brenna could hear Sophie whimpering in the background, but she could tell from Maureen's voice that while Sophie had had a not-good, very-bad morning, it was a tragedy of manageable proportions. Her nieces Sophia and Serena, four year-old twins, had seemed destined for Broadway since they could talk, but this did seem to be a pretty big deal for Sophie. Kids her age were not fond of discovering what lay under their skin.

Going into the kitchen, she discovered the cats scarfing the last of their food. She watched for a minute to make sure Tubby wasn't taking more than his fair share, then poured a glass of apple juice and went to sit in her rocker. She had to look up her sister's number but, while mentally castigating herself for not knowing it by heart, acknowledged she could only stand so much contact with Maureen.

Brenna dialed the number. "Hi, how's Sophie?" she asked when Maureen answered the phone.

"Oh, she's doing much better. She's getting some mileage out of it now, having called Gramma and Grandpa and half the kids in her play group." Maureen was fortunate enough to get along well with her in-laws and have them only about twenty minutes away. "Here she is."

"Aunt Brenna? Guess what happened to me," Sophie said dramatically. Not waiting for an answer, she prattled on. "I was trying to ride Eric's bike and I ran into Daddy's car and cut my leg and had to go to the hospital and have stitches and I leaked blood everywhere. And now I have a great big band-aid on it and I don't have to take a bath, but Seri does and she's pissed."

"Sophia Raquel, don't talk like that!" Maureen hissed in the background.

Brenna had to put a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. From what she'd seen of her nieces, they took after their daddy, Bryan, more than their sedate mother, and sometimes Maureen seemed at her wit's end.

"Honey, I'm really sorry about that. Is it feeling better now?"

"Yah, Mommy gave me some tynol," Sophie replied. Brenna smiled.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, honey. I love you."

"Love you too. When are you coming over?"; as if Brenna lived across town.

Brenna made a face. Visits to Michigan were not the highpoints of her life, except for the one-on-one time with the kids. "Maybe this summer. We'll see, okay?"

"Okay. By," and Sophie abruptly hung up the phone. Brenna shook her head. Kids, she thought; gotta love them.

That evening, a mist stole over the yard and surrounded the house as Brenna stood at her parlor window, arms crossed against the chill sneaking through the old panes. It was all very nice to tell Wendy in the light of day that she didn't need a man around, but on cold misty evenings she was becoming aware of a loneliness in her heart. Okay, she'd wanted this life change, but that didn't mean a good man wasn't out there waiting for her as she waited for him. Adam crossed her mind, but she pushed the thought away. Rebound, remember? He was so attractive that he made her feel plain, anyway. That day on the beach, she had been more than aware of the sun glinting gold in his hair, large hazel eyes scanning the sea, his scent warmed by the sun and exercise. And a smile that lit up his face and warmed her heart. Oh, my God! She'd gone and done it now. Just when she was trying to settle into a new life, she was falling for a man whom she could never and would never have. Along with the other reasons glared a large one: he was in medicine. She hadn't come here for that, didn't want that. But there it was, she wanted Adam. Swallowing hard, she blinked back hot tears. She sank to her couch and gathered Olivia into her arms, tears dropping onto the soft fur.

Adam stood at his kitchen window, staring into the darkness at the invisible surf, hearing its waves echoing faintly through the foggy glass. As he washed the few dishes he had used, he remembered his conversation with Wendy that afternoon. She had practically pushed Brenna at him and he would have been ticked if he hadn't known Wendy was young and meant well. She did have a good match-making reputation, but here is where it stopped. He'd already been burned by one beautiful woman this year, thank you. He didn't even know what Brenna thought of him. She certainly hadn't been enamored of him when they met. Besides, she was an experienced nurse with more training than he'd ever have. What would she want with a beach bum of a fireman, thirty going on forty? He shook his head as he wrang out the sponge and wiped his hands. Just because he felt a pang in his chest when her name was mentioned, when he saw her Blazer drive through town, when he saw her on the beach...well, he'd get over it. He'd gotten over worse.

Chapter 14

When Brenna realized the next morning that she was puttering around the house and accomplishing nothing, she decided to mobilize herself and go running. There just seemed to be nothing else to do around here when there wasn't anything to do. If that made sense. For the first time, she questioned the wisdom of dropping her whole life and moving here. What made her think one place would make her happier than another? She had learned long ago that your troubles follow you wherever you go, so why did she think she had left them behind? Maybe she would think more clearly after running in the bracing ocean air.

She chose to go north again and didn't question her reasoning. The chance she would actually run into Adam again was slim. Still, she found herself searching the empty horizon, gray sand stretching endlessly into gray sky. There seemed to be no one else on the beach on this off-season weekday morning. Turning after a couple miles, she headed back. She was nearly to the access road when she saw the tall man and his black dog loping toward her. She felt a jolt inside and thought okay, do I keep running or stop to talk? Does he want to stop and talk? How the hell do I know?

Adam slowed as he approached her, hoping she wouldn't remark on their presence on 'her' end of the beach. He usually stayed farther north, but maybe she didn't realize that. He wiped the perspiration off his forehead, thinking this was not the impression he wanted to make, always sweaty and smelling like a gym locker.

He waved at her as they met each other on the wet sand. "How are you?"

Brenna smiled. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"Okay." Wow, original conversation.

They both began to speak at once and as they laughed, he motioned at her to go first.

Brenna said, "I'm discovering cabin fever. What do you do around here when it's yucky out?" Oh, geez, can you get your foot a little farther in your mouth? You sound desperate.

Adam shrugged his shoulders. "Watch TV, play pool, go bowling...that's about it here." Unless you have a good woman with you...don't go there, buddy. His cheeks reddened slightly and he cleared his throat. "There's a bar around the corner from Mel's."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, maybe I'll check it out. Well, I guess I'll see you around." Brenna managed to smile at him and started walking to her Blazer. See? Told you he's not interested.

Adam groaned as Max nosed his hand, impatient to finish their run. What a joker. That was probably the best chance he'd have. Oh, well. His feet were heavy as he jogged for home.

Restless and feeling bored that evening, Brenna decided to take a drive. The gray day had changed to a damp night, with drizzling rain and wet pavement. She told herself to drive with caution, but her mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of Adam and how she was going to get past this hurdle and be content again. As the wipers steadily cleared the water from her windshield, she stared blankly through them and did not see the dog jump across the road in front of her until the last second. Instinctively, she pushed the brake to the floor and felt the Blazer fishtail out of control. She only had time for one thought of 'oh, shit' before the vehicle spun off the road and into the ditch.

Adam drove the ambulance with calculated speed, knowing the roads were slicker than usual after their spell of good weather followed by rain. The familiar siren wailed from the vehicle as the red and white strobes lit up the wet trees on the roadside.

"Okay, slow down here," his partner told him. They went more slowly, not wanting to miss the vehicle in the dark. Someone had called it in but, assuming carelessly that it was empty, had not bothered to stop.

"There!" His partner pointed to their right and Adam rolled to a stop, directing a bright light on the scene. The dark 4x4 was fortunately right side up. The ditch was two feet deep in water and someone could've drowned had it been upside down. Adam cursed the ignorance of the driver who had not stopped. They waded down to the vehicle, Adam realizing with a tightening in his chest that it was a Blazer.

As he slogged through the slough to the driver's window, it rolled down an inch, just enough for him to hear Brenna say in an exasperated tone, "It took you long enough!"

Adam laughed with relief and Brenna snapped at him again. "You think this is funny?"

"No, no. I'm just glad you're okay. Scared me there for a minute. I take it your doors are stuck?"

"Yes, they are! Do you think I'm sitting here for my health?" Her voice trembled as she remembered the dog. "Adam, a dog ran across the road. Is he out there anywhere?"

"We'll worry about that after we get you out. Move over and we'll pop this door open." With a terrible metallic tearing sound, the door came open and Brenna clambered out, gasping as she sank to her knees in the cold water.

"Okay, now help me look for the dog." Brenna started into the water, but Adam pulled her back.

"Get back here, you don't even have a flashlight. And let me see your face. Did you bump your head or anything?"

"No, I'm fine, I had my seatbelt on. Give me the flashlight."

Adam gave in, waving off the other EMTs, and after a few minutes they located a wet form on the bank. They both went for his neck to see if he was alive and, although unconscious, his pulse was strong. After feeling for broken bones and finding nothing obvious, Adam carefully picked him up and they slogged back through the water. An EMT helped them up the side of the slippery ditch, and a volunteer bundled them into the back of his car and sped for the nearest animal hospital.

Chapter 15

Adam picked Brenna up the next day while her Blazer sat in the auto shop in town, and they arrived at the vet's at 3:00.

They sat in silence in the waiting room for a few minutes. Adam opened his mouth to say something and just then, the vet came out of the back room and motioned them in. A medium-sized dog with long gold fur lay on the steel table.

"She's pretty bruised all over, but should heal fine. We cleaned her up the best we could without hurting her. She looks like a golden retriever, but I would guess she's homeless, very underfed, no collar or microchip. Were you planning to adopt her?"

Adam and Brenna looked at each other. Brenna turned to the vet and said, "I hit her and I don't have a dog whereas Adam does, so I guess I'll take her."

"Are you sure? It's not a small responsibility. She'll need watching and we don't know her personality yet, if she's been abused or not. She seems sweet enough. Do you have much time at home?" the vet asked her.

"I'm home all day, believe me," Brenna said wryly.

After receiving instructions for her care, Adam and Brenna put the dog in the front seat with her head on Brenna's lap. Adam drove home carefully and carried the dog into the parlor, laying her on the carpet before the hearth. The cats looked at her as if she had arrived from Mars and lit out for the back door.

"Well, now you know their opinion," Adam grinned. "Got a name for her?"

"That I do have, dog food I don't. I'm going to name her Zoe. It means life."

Adam nodded. "Appropriate. I brought some of Max's food just in case. I'll go get it."

Brenna started a fire to take the chill off the damp day while the dog lay still and watched her warily. Brenna smiled. "Don't worry, we won't hurt you." Dumb statement, I already hurt her.

"What?" Adam asked, coming into the parlor with a bowl of food.

"Oh, I was just talking to the dog."

Adam set the food by Zoe's nose and she sniffed it, but laid her head back down, rolling her eyes uncertainly at them.

"She'll probably eat later. I've got to get going; someone's covering this part of my shift for me," he said.

"You took off time from work for this? You didn't have to do that. We could've gotten a taxi...or something." Did they even have a taxi here?

"Hey, it's no problem. The guy owed me one." Adam gave the dog one last pat and rose to his feet. "I'll see myself out. See ya later."

"Okay. Thanks." She heard the screen door slam on her words and the truck motor rev up. He was sure in a hurry for someone who said 'it wasn't a problem'. She sighed and turned her attention back to Zoe.

Adam sped north on the highway. It had actually been harder to get time off than he'd let on and he didn't want to be later than necessary. But who would've brought them home otherwise? There was no taxi in their little town. Besides, he'd already figured out this morning that Brenna would bring that dog home and would need a bit of help. He smiled as he remembered her tromping through the slough in the rain, hair plastered to her face, flashlight sweeping from side to side, bound and determined to find that dog. She was a born rescuer whether she wanted to be or not.

Chapter 16

Sunday dawned clear and bright, a perfect spring day in May which is exactly what Brenna told Molly when she called.

"Don't rub it in," Molly groaned. "The air is just heavy here today, reminds me of an inversion. Not that I'll be out in it much anyway, I'll be in the hospital. How are things going with all my beach bums?"

"If you're including the animals in that statement, we're all fine. The cats lay around and make themselves useless. And we've added a new member to the family."

"Oh, yeah?"

"I hit a dog night before last and bruised her pretty badly, then ended up adopting her."

Molly laughed. "Well, I was hoping you'd added Adam, but I guess it's asking a bit much this soon in the game. How do you know whether or not this dog already has a home?"

"The vet said she looked neglected and she didn't have a collar or microchip. She's really skinny, but now that she's been cleaned up, she's actually quite pretty. She looks like a golden retriever. She was just so underweight and filthy I couldn't tell. Not that I need any more animal hair drifting around here, but oh well. She still hasn't decided if she's afraid of me or not. Anyway, I named her Zoe and she's managing to limp around now."

"No progress with Adam, huh?"

"For God's sake, Molly...okay, he was with me after I hit Zoe." Brenna proceeded to relate the story of her accident and as she spoke, she smiled, remembering Adam's patience while wandering around in a rising slough, looking for an animal that might not even have been there.

"And so, he brought us home from the vet's the next day. The Blazer's in the shop. After I got over the shock of hitting the dog, I realized what I'd done to my new car and had to cry about that too. But it won't take long to fix."

"So, the upshot is you brought home the dog, but not the man. Girl, what am I going to do with you?"

Brenna smiled and looked down to find Zoe's watchful eyes on her. The dog's tail thumped on the floor as Brenna replied, "Well, the dog needs me more. And I'm thinking about Adam. Even that is progress, don't you think?"

After she hung up, she and Zoe regarded each other seriously for a minute. She'd never had a dog of her own. For a minute she felt overwhelmed, but then shook it off. For God's sake, she'd held babies' lives in her hands and she was worried about a dog? Get real.

"Do you want to go out?"

Zoe whined and worked herself to her feet.

"Well, you must've had an owner at some point. You know all the standard stuff. Let's go."

Brenna held the door for her and Zoe limped down the steps.

"Sure you're not playing that up just a bit?"

Zoe eased herself down on the warm grass.

"Okay, I guess not. You can watch me plant my rosebush, alright?"

Brenna dug a large hole beside the garage, adding several new blisters to her hands. Then she wrestled the large bush over and after ripping away its paper pot, she rolled it into the ground.

"There! This can be a rose to celebrate you and me both coming to live here." She glanced over at Zoe and saw she had lost her captive audience. The dog lay sound asleep in the sun with Olivia curled up near her.

"Welcome home, baby."

Chapter 17

The days passed quickly as Zoe settled in and she and Brenna got to know each other. Brenna had decided it was highly likely the real savior here was Zoe. She had a familiar nightmare about her parents a couple days after Zoe arrived and although Brenna knew the dog still had trouble negotiating steps, she had been awakened by Zoe's cold snout, the dog anxiously nosing her face. Zoe had made her way upstairs when she heard her new mistress crying and spent the rest of the night there. Brenna had to carry her down in the morning as Zoe was too stiff and sore to manage herself.

Friday arrived with fog and drizzle but Brenna's spirits weren't dampened by the weather today. Molly was coming and Zoe had actually made her way down the staircase alone, two things to be happy about. Brenna cleaned her neglected house and baked some cookies, an eye on the clock. Molly was late, not like her. She usually got to Seacliff by 2:00 at the latest.

At 6:00, Brenna was peering out the parlor window through the approaching dusk, finally admitting she was worried. Just then she saw headlights and heard the familiar bass beat of Molly's speakers as the Honda swung into her driveway. Brenna ran out the back door.

"Where have you been..." Her question was forgotten as a large blond man unfolded himself from the passenger seat.

"Scott!" Brenna ran to him and he caught her up in a bear hug. "I didn't know you were coming!"

"I told Molly we should ask you first, but she wanted to surprise you." He deposited her gently on the ground.

"Who's that?" Molly asked, pointing at a black truck rolling past the driveway.

"I think it's Adam," Brenna said, raising her hand to wave, but the truck drove on out of sight. "He must be going to visit Gary and Julie."

Scott grabbed up all their bags in his big hands and took them into the house.

"Geez, Scott, you make my house look small," Brenna laughed, closing the door behind them.

"Yeah, there's not a lot of room to turn around, is there?"

"Well, there's plenty of room if you're not 6'3". Here, you can put the bags by the stairs."

Molly came up behind her. "Where's my hug?"

"Thanks for the surprise," Brenna said, hugging her fiercely. "Why are you so late?"

"Scott had to work today so we had to wait until he got off. So, is this Zoe?"

Zoe had barked mildly when they drove up, but then had settled back down by the fire.

"Yeah, just minimal watchdog skills, I guess. It's so good to see you guys!"

Adam drove down to Gary's house on the pretense of checking on Julie, but that wasn't why he'd really come out to Ivy Lane. He stayed a few minutes and said he had to be on his way, was in the neighborhood and had to be getting home. They let him go with a promise to stay longer next time. Now, as he approached Brenna's house again, he doused his lights and slowly idled by. Her parlor drapes were open and through the twilight, he could see her and Molly and the man talking and laughing. Then the man came up behind Brenna and rested his elbow on the top of her head. She darted out from under it, swinging at him and laughing. Adam had seen enough and rolled on down the road, eventually remembering to turn on his headlights before he reached the highway. His face burned with embarrassment at his assumption that he could drop in and see how she was. Apparently, Brenna was just fine. And whoever her mystery guest was, she had obvious feelings for him. Enough was enough, he didn't need this aggravation.

Chapter 18

Saturday morning dawned with a fine mist and gray skies, but the clouds were expected to burn off according to the weatherman. Brenna had been awakened early that morning by tossing and turning and was surprised to see Molly in her bed until she remembered that Scott was in Molly's bed. She smiled and got up to have coffee with Zoe before the others woke up.

Brenna settled into her chair outside, a blanket wrapped tightly around her, Zoe at her side, and listened to the morning birds, smelled the heavily-laden lilac bushes and counted her blessings.

That afternoon, after a big breakfast and a lot of catching up on each other's lives, Brenna drove Molly and Scott into town in her newly repaired Blazer. They stopped by Mel's so she could introduce them to Wendy. As Brenna pulled the door open, the familiar smell of hamburgers and fries wafted outside.

"Hey, Brenna! Where have you been?" Wendy asked, trotting down to their end of the counter as they settled themselves on bar stools, Scott's creaking slightly beneath him.

"Around." Brenna gave her a micro-version of the accident and then introduced her friends. "Wendy keeps me sane when I'm bored and haven't been around people enough."

Wendy beamed, happy to hear she was helping someone once again. Brenna didn't fail to notice the admiring glances she gave Scott. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, Wendy wasn't blind. Brenna hadn't looked at Scott like that since she'd gotten to know him. He was a great guy, but like a brother to her. She gave him a once-over out of the corner of her eye. Yep, just a good brother.

They visited a little longer and then left for a run on the beach. It was a rarity for Scott to get out of the city so they meant to make the most of it.

Later that evening, Adam came into Mel's for dinner after a long, grueling accident call. Wendy was just punching out her timecard and sat down beside him before leaving for the night. They discussed the accident while Adam waited for his food. When he started eating and his mouth was full, Wendy began to tell him about Brenna's visit that day.

"...and she had this total hunk with her, big and blond. She used to work with him in Portland."

Adam swallowed his food and cut her off. "I saw him, okay? You don't have to describe him, thanks."

Wendy narrowed her eyes at him. "If you met him, why do you look like you swallowed a lemon? They're just friends."

"Yeah, well, looked like pretty good friends to me. I didn't meet him, I just saw him." He shoveled another mouthful in.

"Well, then I know more than you, don't I? They said they were just friends and I believe them. Molly sat between them right here and I can tell when there are vibes happening and there were not."

Adam grew exasperated. "Wendy, sometimes you don't know when to quit."

She hopped off the stool and and glared at him, her eyes flashing. "I would think in your line of work, you'd realize how short life is. It's not to be wasted, not one day. I'm sure Jared would tell you that. I think Brenna is a pretty cool person with a big heart, and I bet she's been through a lot, too. You're not the only one with grief in your past. If you're not willing to take the time to know her, then you don't deserve her." And with that, Wendy flounced out the door.

Adam drank his coffee slowly. What had gotten her tail in a twist? Wendy was always outspoken, but this time she was mad. He sat on his stool, his coffee cooling in his mug, wondering if once again, Wendy was on the right track.

Chapter 19

She stood on the old cemetery headland overlooking Seacliff and the ocean, the wind whipping her billowing skirt and tugging at the ends of her scarf. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, the wind drying her tears as soon as they fell. Unsure why she was here in the swiftly gathering twilight, she stared out to sea. The waves rolling in to crash at the foot of the cliff were so beautiful and there seemed to be such peace out there. She was desperate for peace. Martin was away from home so often. There was no peace to be had there. But maybe out here...she took a step closer to the edge of the cliff and gasped when dirt crumbled away beneath her feet. Why was she out here in the cold and dark? Because it was no warmer and brighter at home. She had no one. Her precious baby was gone. The other children she and Martin would have had were vanished, erased from her future by an accident of fate. Maybe she should vanish, too. She would be with her Victoria...she finally began to sob and then to scream, screaming into the sky, "What have I ever done to You? I want my baby! I want her now! Now!" She stepped closer to the edge and the dirt truly gave away beneath her and she found herself slipping down once again...so like the last time. At the last minute, she grabbed ahold of a well-placed solid shrub and put her energy into pulling herself back to safety. She rested in the mud of the windswept headland, crying once again...but for her present, not her past. Finally, she was calm and, soaking wet and muddy, climbed to her feet and made her way home.

And so the week began with another headache. Molly and Scott had returned home the night before after a wonderful weekend. Brenna had promised them she would drive into the city for a visit as soon as possible. She felt the now-familiar depression that occurred after a visit from Molly. It was so wonderful to see her friends, but so lonely when they left. And that dream! She had to be dreaming of Helena, but were they actual incidents or just by-products of long-ago sadness floating through the house? Who could she ask? Who would know other than Helena? She would not ask Helena. The older woman's peace of mind was more important than her own. Okay, back to the beach again! Time to jog off that gloom. It would be nice if Zoe could come too, but she wasn't quite up to that yet.

Brenna jogged north on the beach, drizzle beading her eyelashes and soaking her hair. Geez, she seemed to be damp all the time here. Her mind turned over her puzzling dreams as she ran, but she could come up with no solutions.

Adam and Max jogged south, Adam more enthusiastic this time than Max. He had decided that if he saw Brenna , he would screw up his courage and ask her out. If she said no, then he would know where he stood and Wendy would be off his back. Personally, he hoped Brenna would say yes. A couple other intrepid joggers passed him in the light rain, waving hello. Finally he saw her approaching. He smiled and then, remembering she might well say no, became sober.

Brenna laughed as she stopped in front of him, wiping water off her face. "It's warm enough to run in this weather, but I'm going to need a hot shower later or I feel like I'll catch a cold."

Adam smiled again. He, personally, would probably need a cold shower. Unless she turned him down that is, which would probably have the same effect. At the moment, her wet t-shirt was doing nothing for his brain cells and he resolutely kept his eyes on her face.

He stalled for a moment. "How's Zoe doing?"

"She's much better, going up and downstairs by herself. She'll be ready for walks out here pretty soon, I think."

Okay, it was time to screw up his courage; they were both soaked and needed to keep moving.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner sometime," he blurted out.

Brenna stopped wringing out her frizzy ponytail and looked at him in veiled surprise. She'd about given up on him. "I'd love to, thank you," and when he remained silent, "When?"

He looked startled. "Oh...how about tomorrow night?" He hadn't actually made plans yet just in case.

Brenna nodded. There was certainly nothing pressing in her appointment book.

"What time? And what dress code?" she asked.

He thought quickly. How to plan a date in one second? "About 6:00 okay? More than jeans, less than formal. How's that?"

"Sounds great. I'm going to turn around here. I'm getting chilly now."

"Oh, sorry. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then," he said, walking backwards up the beach. Max shook himself and trotted after him.

Finally! Brenna thought as she jogged back down the beach, a smile on her face.

Chapter 20

After rifling through her closet, Brenna quickly came to the conclusion that a shopping trip was in order. She hadn't bought anything but jeans and uniforms in ages. First, a call to Molly. She wasn't home, but Brenna left her a message with her news and then climbed into a hot bubblebath, chilled to the bone.

The next morning, Brenna was dismayed to find herself with her self-predicted cold. After making herself eat a good breakfast, she took cold medicine and a lot of vitamin C and crossed her fingers. When the medicine kicked in, she felt much better and set off for Port Evan, shopping list in hand. She glanced back as she drove off to see Zoe's nose pressed to the front window, looking for all the world like a little kid who had been left behind. Brenna shook her head.

Parking on a main street, Brenna began to look in some shops she and Molly had discovered weeks before. She finally narrowed her selection to one store and then to a few dresses and suits. She had set out to buy only one outfit, but on seeing the beautiful new fashions and considering her wardrobe a little more critically, she changed her mind. She finally came away with a seagreen pant suit and ivory shell, a flower-sprigged dress, and a short swinging dress of dark blue chiffon. She chose some ivory leather flats to go with the pants and some low-heeled blue shoes to go with the blue dress. Brenna was elated; she should have done this long ago, date or no date.

Zoe was thrilled to see her when she arrived home and actually jumped up on her. "Hey! Stay off the bags! Maul me all you want, but stay off the duds!"

Brenna and Zoe spent the afternoon lying in the sun. Zoe slept while Brenna alternately did her nails, read and napped. Around four thirty she hopped into her customary bubble bath and soaked for a long time. Thankfully, her cold seemed short-lived; she must have just had a good chill. After putting on her makeup, she brushed her hair until it shone and decided to leave it down. Zoe followed her upstairs and flopped down on the carpet while she dressed. She slipped the blue dress over her head and stepped into her new blue heels. After putting on matching earrings, she stood back and looked in the full-length mirror on her closet door. Not bad, not bad at all. The doorbell rang, causing her to jump and Zoe to run down the stairs to the kitchen. She had been so preoccupied she hadn't even heard Adam drive up. Grabbing a blue crepe wrap the salesgirl had recommended for the late night chill, she ran down the stairs. Lord, she hoped she wasn't overdressed. She peeked around a corner of the stairs, hoping to get a glimpse of him through the window in the kitchen door and was rewarded with the sight of a sportscoat. Phew.

Brenna picked up her purse and hurried to open the back door. Adam glanced up and was momentarily taken aback at her transformation. He had always thought she was pretty, but wow. And that hair...hair to run your fingers through. Well, maybe someday; tonight was the first date and it was definitely hands off. Except maybe for dancing.

He smiled. "Ready to go?"

"Yes, I am. Zoe, stay." Zoe sat back on her haunches, looking at them with mournful eyes, as if to remind Brenna that was what she'd heard that morning.

Adam helped Brenna into the truck and they drove away. She glanced back and had to laugh. Zoe had her nose pressed to the window again.

Chapter 21

The sun was setting behind 'Ivan's' as they pulled in off the highway. Brenna smiled. She and Molly had noticed this place last week and thought it looked like a good place to check out.

Adam noticed and asked, "What are you smiling about?"

She just said, "Oh, it's such a beautiful evening."

Adam looked at her and said, "Yes, it is."

He parked, opened her door and helped her from the cab. At the door of the restaurant, they were greeted by a large man in a black suit.

"Ivan, I'd like you to meet Brenna Callahan. She's new to the area."

Ivan shook her hand. "Very nice to meet you. How do you like it here?"

"I love it," Brenna replied. "I've only been here a few weeks, but I'm really enjoying it."

Ivan guided them to a table by a window with an ocean view. He picked up a 'reserved' sign from the table as Adam held Brenna's chair for her.

"Would you like something to drink before dinner?"

Adam looked at Brenna to see what her preference was.

"I'll have some white wine, thank you."

"I'll have the same," Adam told him.

"Very well. I'll send your waitress right over."

"Thanks, Ivan."

Brenna looked out at the sky. The light over the ocean was nearly gone. "It's really beautiful out here. Very calm. Does Ivan own this restaurant?"

"Yes, he's been here about ten years. He always greets his customers and kind of oversees things during the evening. There's a dance floor on the other side of the restaurant and a lounge upstairs."

A petite, energetic woman with shiny black hair in a braid came up to their table and laid menus in front of them.

"Hi, my name is Sabrina. I'll be your waitress this evening and I'll be right back with your wine."

She quickly returned with a bottle of white wine and proceeded to fill their glasses. "I'll be back in a few minutes to take your order. Good to see you, Adam." And she zipped off to the other end of the room.

Adam gestured in the direction she had disappeared in. "We went to school together and she married one of my best friends just out of high school. They had three kids in five years and were pretty happy together until her husband was killed in a logging accident. That was a couple years ago and I was away at school or I might have responded with the fire department on his call. I've never been able to figure out if it would have been better or not for me to have been there. I know I couldn't have helped him. He landed on a sharp stump and bled out right away. But I felt helpless being so far away when it happened." He stared out the window for a few minutes, then looked back and smiled. "Sorry, didn't mean to ruin the mood."

Brenna smiled. "Oh, you can't really do that. I have too many war stories of my own."

"Yeah, I guess you would, being a nurse. What led you to give it up; is that an open subject?"

"I guess so. I just got burned out," she replied. "I have really mixed feelings about it. Sometimes I think I'm crazy to leave a field I loved so much and have such extensive training in. I used to take care of sick babies. Then I think about it realistically and remember the stress was destroying my love of nursing. I can get out now and take a break and possibly go back into it later, or I can try to keep doing it, have a nervous breakdown and end up hating it forever."

"That sounds like a pretty wise decision to me. It must not have been easy to make."

"No, it wasn't until I almost had that nervous breakdown that I was able to say 'I'm out'. Once I did, things kind of fell into place. You know how they seem to do that sometimes when you've made the right decision?"

Adam nodded at her as Sabrina hurried back to their table. "Are you ready to order?"

"I'm sorry, we were so busy talking we forgot to look at the menu. Anything particularly good tonight?"

"The prime rib is wonderful and so is the salmon."

Adam looked at Brenna and she said, "The prime rib, please. The 8 ounce, medium rare."

Adam smiled. "A girl after my own heart. I'll have the 12 ounce, medium rare."

They chose salads and baked potatoes, and Sabrina whisked away the menus.

There was a moment of awkward silence, then Adam said, "Have you ever considered doing emergency medicine?"

Brenna blinked in surprise. "I have to say it never occurred to me. I didn't like it at the beach when Jared drowned, that's for sure."

Adam was silent for a moment and Brenna recognized the familiar stricken gaze of someone who's lost a patient. "That was a bad one, calls with kids usually are. It's just that we're a pretty small department and in the summer things can get pretty hairy. We need all the help we can get."

"You know, the thought of doing anything medical right now makes me feel terrible inside. I just have to have time to regroup and I think I'm pretty lucky to be able to. Most people have to keep on for the paycheck, but I had enough savings I could take a break."

Sabrina delivered their salads and they began their dinner.

"You know," said Brenna, smiling, "I really appreciate how they do their salads, with the lettuce and tomatoes actually small enough to fit in your mouth. Did you ever have a list of terrible food to eat on a first date? Spaghetti pretty much tops it, but then there's drippy things like salad with dressing and tacos and melting ice cream cones."

"Man, you're not kidding. More than once, I have worn my dinner on my shirt trying to impress someone. I finally quit worrying about it and, you know, I quit dropping so much food."

Brenna laughed, balancing her salad on her fork, and told him, "It's Murphy's Law, plain and simple."

They finished their salads just as their dinners arrived. Sabrina was right, the prime rib was wonderful, and for awhile the table was silent as they concentrated on eating. Finally they leaned back and admitted they could eat no more. They refilled their wine glasses halfway and sat for a few minutes. When the glasses were again empty, Adam asked her, "Would you be interested in dancing?"

Though Brenna had hoped they would have the opportunity, her heart still fluttered with something that, if she didn't know better, she might have interpreted as a case of nerves. "Yes, thank you. Although I have to warn you, it's been awhile."

"Well, there probably wasn't a lot of room in the nursery for that."

Brenna laughed. "You're right, there wasn't."

Adam came and held her chair as she got up and he showed her to the other side of the room, beautiful music becoming louder with their approach. Ivan had a swing band capable of a wide repertoire. Adam went up to the leader, whom he seemed to know, and spoke to him briefly.

There were few other couples on the dance floor, this being the off-season at the coast. Adam took Brenna's hand as the music slowed and the strains of 'Blue' floated through the air. She smiled, somewhat embarrassed, but pleased. She put her cheek closer to his shoulder to hide her face, hoping she wasn't blushing.

Adam sensed her discomfort and said, "I'm sorry, I hope this doesn't embarrass you. This song has been on my mind ever since I saw you tonight."

She just nodded, not looking at him. What a sweet-talker. And Lord, he smelled good.

They danced for nearly an hour, becoming accustomed to the way each other's bodies moved. She rested her head on his shoulder, breathed in his scent and realized how long it had been since she was this close to a man. Dancing made her feel as if she had come to know him better although no conversation was shared. Finally, they both agreed they had danced long enough and returned to the table. Brenna's new shoes were beginning to wear out their welcome.

Sabrina appeared out of nowhere with a dessert cart and though they each would have bet earlier they couldn't eat any more, now they found that dancing had restored their appetites. They considered the cart for a moment, then Adam decided on German Chocolate cake while Brenna chose a thick piece of cheesecake with blueberries. After cutting the desserts in half, they each traded half for the other's, and dug in.

After awhile, they leaned back and groaned and laughed.

"Well, I didn't mean to be a glutton tonight!" Brenna said.

Adam smiled at her and said, "It's impossible not to be at 'Ivan's'. Every time I've been here, I've come away feeling like this."

"I don't think that makes me feel any less gluttonous, sorry."

"Okay, I tried. We have only ourselves and Ivan to blame." He helped her with her wrap and called a goodby to Ivan a few tables away, receiving a hearty wave in reply.

As the doors closed behind them, Sabrina's eyes met Ivan's and she smiled. He nodded in return, acknowledging a shared intuition that Adam had brought his future with him tonight when he escorted the pretty girl in blue through 'Ivan's' doors.

Driving home, they began to feel sleepy from all the rich food although Adam assured Brenna he would be fine driving home and refused an offer of coffee. He escorted her to her back door and said goodby to her there, determined to make a good impression. However, since she was standing on the first step and he had held her closely when they danced, it felt natural to lean over and give her a brief kiss on the lips. As Brenna kissed him back, she was overwhelmed at the rush of emotion that shot through her. She smiled at him dumbly as she continued up the steps and when he asked if he could call the next day, she just nodded. He waved and climbed into his truck as she unlocked the door and was rushed by her small horde of animals demanding the lawn and her attention, in that order.

Too overwhelmed to consider any possibilities arising from this evening, she brushed her teeth, let the animals in and, dropping her new clothes on the floor, fell into bed and slept like a rock.

Chapter 22

The next morning, Brenna found herself walking around the house with a smile on her face. Although she had insisted to Molly and herself the last thing she needed right now was a man, she was finding that not to be true at all. A good man was never a bad thing, now was it? She tried to look at things logically. The only pitfalls she could think of were #1-how interested and stable was he and #2-how stable was she? Oh, and #3-could she handle being involved with someone in medicine? Then she remembered his smile and dancing in his arms and grinned. She finally threw up her hands and called Molly.

"Yeah?" Molly grumbled.

"I'm sorry. I woke you up, didn't I?" Brenna looked at her watch, 10:00. She should have looked at the time first. Molly usually slept in on her day off which would be...today.

"Yes, but I'll live through it. You must have a good reason for calling at this godawful hour."

Brenna smiled. "Guess."

"Guess? Are you crazy? I haven't had my coffee yet." Molly gasped. "He asked you out. I'm right, aren't I?"

"We went to dinner last night. He took me to 'Ivan's', that restaurant we saw on the highway. We had prime rib and talked and danced. It was a lot of fun."

"Fun? Did you have him in for coffee, a nightcap, you know?"

"No, he kissed me very nicely on the back porch and left," Brenna replied.

Molly sighed. "Girl, you're hopeless. I would've been all over that man by now."

Brenna had to laugh. "Yes, I'm sure you would've. But you and I both know I'm not you."

"Yeah, I'm just too good to replicate," Molly laughed on the other end. Brenna could picture her twisting her curls around her finger as she talked, and felt the now familiar pang of homesickness.

They talked a little longer and then Brenna hung up so Molly could go back to sleep.

The phone rang and Brenna jumped, still sitting right next to it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Brenna, this is Adam."

"You sound tired or something, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am actually. Tired, I mean. About an hour after I got home last night, we got a fire call. It was a house fire and I just got home. I've got to get a shower and get to work. I'm late for my shift, but we didn't have enough firemen for me to leave earlier."

"You're going to work today, after all that?" Brenna asked.

"It's no different than if we had a fire in Port Evan and then I finished the rest of my shift. I just wanted to check in and say hi."

"Hi. Now go take care of yourself. I'll talk to you later."

Brenna put down the receiver and shook her head. Was he crazy, a workaholic or what? Why would someone go work for hours for no pay only to go to his own job? Then, somewhat shamefacedly, she answered her own question. Adam hadn't been out 'working for free', he'd been trying to save someone's home and, maybe, their lives. And how he could do emergency work outside a hospital was beyond her. No doctors, no back-up, just you with someone's life in your hands. She smiled. There was always something to admire in him.

Chapter 23

On Monday and Tuesday, Brenna fought her nightmares to the back of her mind and worked industriously on wallpapering her small kitchen. By Tuesday afternoon, she was finished and after cleaning up her supplies, she stood and looked around for a few minutes, amazed at what she could accomplish on her own.

Zoe wandered up to the screen door and Brenna let her in. "What do you think, girl? Pretty nice, huh?" Zoe looked around and went over to her water dish, registering only that now the house smelled stranger than ever.

Brenna put some coffee on to brew and flopped into an old kitchen chair, decorated with drips of pink and yellow paint. She looked at the two windows facing the backyard and the window facing north over the washer and dryer. She needed to decide what kind of curtains to put up but that didn't have to be done today. Besides, sometimes she had better ideas if she let her subconscious work on things for awhile.

The aroma of coffee infused the kitchen and after filling her favorite mug, she went to sit in her rocker and read. About time to go to the library, she thought this was her last book. Maybe her choices of reading material were triggering these latest dreams. She certainly read enough mysteries and gothic romances. She put her feet up on the hearth as Zoe flopped down on the rug. Olivia came over and jumped onto her lap, turning around and around before settling down, and looked up at Brenna, purring, as if to say 'It's about time you sat down'. Brenna smiled and opened her book.

The cool autumn breeze blew through, bright maple leaves drifting down to cover the tiny grave with a new seasonal blanket. It didn't hurt so much to come here now that some time had passed. The pink roses were still blooming in this temperate climate and she laid a bouquet at the foot of the small pink granite headstone. Looking at the polished face of the stone, she traced the engraved rose with her finger and then the scrolled words,

Victoria Rose

June 1, 1953

from our hearts

to God's

She wiped off the stone's face with her sweater sleeve, making sure it was shiny as possible, and rose to her feet. Her tiger kitten came darting through the leaves, attacking the rustling ones on his way. She laughed and, scooping him up, made her way back to the house.

Ringing...the telephone was ringing. Brenna jumped up, spilling Olivia to the floor, and crossed the parlor to the phone. Dropping into the velvet chair, she picked up the receiver and yawned, "Hello?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" Adam asked her.

"No, no...yes, but I wasn't supposed to be sleeping. I was reading..."

"I've missed seeing you on the beach this week. Been busy?"

"Yeah, I've been wallpapering my kitchen, but I finished this afternoon. Want to stop by and see it?" Wincing, she crossed her fingers. Looking at her watch (geez, seven o'clock!), she asked, "Have you had dinner yet? I have some burgers I was going to grill."

"Sounds great...can I bring something? I make a killer salad."

She smiled. "That'll be fine. When will you be here?"

"Twenty minutes okay?"

"Great, I'll see you then." Hanging up, she ran up the stairs. Twenty minutes to make herself and her house presentable! She made herself slow down to warp speed. Now, be real, be yourself, don't go into a frenzy here. The man gave you twenty minutes. I don't think he's expecting perfection.

Okay, casual, but not sloppy. She grabbed a pair of clean jeans and a blue oxford shirt and darted downstairs. Zoe raised her head as she dashed through the parlor, then sighed and went back to sleep.

Brenna quickly changed clothes and washed her face. Looking at her watch, she threw her work clothes in the hamper and straightened up the kitchen. Okay, good enough, she was not Suzy Homemaker after all. She put some fresh coffee on and went back to her rocker to read and relax until he arrived. The attempt at relaxation lasted for about two minutes and fortunately Adam's truck pulled in just then. Zoe got up barking and ran to the back door.

Brenna greeted him before he knocked and took the salad bowl he held out.

"Hi, how are you? You can put your jacket over there." She put the salad in the refrigerator while he hung his jacket on the brass coat hook she had installed by the back door.

Adam looked around the kitchen, inspecting her remodeling job. "Now this is great! Really lights up the room." He chuckled. "You ought to have Helena over sometime. She would love this."

"Do you think? I felt I was changing so many things she might not like it. And is she really up to leaving the home? She's not always lucid."

"No, she's not, but she seems to actually be more alert when she goes out. Mel has had her over for dinner a few times and she's done fine."

"Well, maybe I'll do that. I'll finish the bath and dining room first," Brenna said thoughtfully. She showed him into the parlor.

"I've always liked this old fireplace," Adam said. "I thought about buying this place when I moved back here for that alone, but I just wasn't sure enough about what I wanted." He leaned on the mantel and studied the painting. "This is beautiful."

Brenna smiled. "That's Molly's housewarming present. I love it."

Adam nodded and turned around, rubbing his hands. "Okay, it has my seal of approval. Now, let's eat!"

After dinner, Adam laid a fire and they sat on the carpet in front of its warmth with full stomachs and hot coffee. Zoe came and crowded in front of them as the cats perched on the wide hearth, tails wrapped around their bodies and eyes closed in contentment.

Adam sighed and said, "I have to say, I feel like those cats look right now; full stomach, warm and toasty, not a care in the world."

Brenna started to agree with him, then realized for her that wasn't quite the case. Over the last month, she'd begun to feel haunted by the dreams she'd been having. She had grown used to the airplane nightmares over the years, upsetting as they were, and had usually managed to keep them at bay with therapy. But these new dreams...there seemed to be no rhyme or reason for when they came or why. She gathered her courage and managed to ask the question for which she was most afraid to hear the answer.

"Adam...do you know if Helena ever had children? I mean I know there's none alive but...maybe some could've died."

"I'm surprised you would have heard about that. Not many people remember. I only do because my grandma was a close friend of hers. She used to live next door...the house burned down in 1990 and Grandma moved across town."

Brenna swallowed hard. "Adam...what is your grandma's name?"

He looked at her oddly. She seemed to be taking this so seriously. "Her name was Margaret Chambers; she died in 1998."

Brenna stared into the fire as a tear trickled down her cheek. Zoe put her head on her knee as Adam looked at her in astonishment.

"What's wrong?" He put his arm around her, mystified at this turn of events. They'd had such a nice evening...what was this?

Brenna sniffled and patted Zoe's head. How could she begin to explain? Her dreams were all coming together in a story she didn't want to know, hadn't wanted to hear. Her house, her wonderful house...was it really haunted after all? She never felt or saw a thing when she was awake. Only those dreams...she finally pulled herself together and got up to get some tissues. She came back and sat down beside him as he stared at her. "Okay now, from the beginning, what's up?"

Recalling the first dream, she related all of them to him, pointing out facts such as the rose bush growing by the front door and her knowledge of his grandmother's name.

When she was done, he sat still for awhile, the story sinking in. "There's no way you could've heard any of this around town, from Mrs. McNair or someone?"

Brenna looked him in the eyes. He looked embarrassed to have asked, but she could understand why he would. "No. I wish I had. But I didn't know any of this and I'm getting so tired of it."

Adam regarded her thoughtfully. "Have you ever looked for proof? I mean, to back up things you dreamt, like the box in the attic or the headstone?"

She shuddered. That had never occurred to her, but it should have. It was only logical. Her mind must have been trying to protect her. "No, I haven't. I would've been afraid to, even if I had thought about it. Are the dreams all accurate?"

"Well, you told me a lot more than I've ever heard, but what I have heard matches with what you've said. My Grandma told me once when I was a kid that the Montgomerys had a baby girl who died soon after they were married and they never had any more. I was just a bored kid wishing I had someone to play with and asked her why there weren't kids over here. Hmm. I think the logical thing to do now is to look for some evidence, don't you?"

A few more tears fell at the thought. "I just don't have the nerve. But if I don't, will the dreams just keep coming? Is this house trying to tell me something?"

"I don't know much about weird things like that, but I'd be glad to check out the attic for you," he volunteered.

Brenna could see this was becoming a challenge for him. Taking the offensive and doing something was more preferable for him, whereas for her, it was terrifying. Then again, she had to live here and later he would go home. Enough was enough. Even if the dreams had come to an end already, this had to be done sometime.

She got to her feet. "I don't know if there's a light up there. I'll get a flashlight."

Adam smiled behind her back. Good, he had thought she could handle it. But what if they found the box? What would they do then? They sure weren't going to go trotting around the yard in the dark, looking for a headstone.

His reverie was interrupted as Brenna came back with the flashlight. They climbed the steep staircase and she showed him where the ladder folded up to the ceiling. Adam pulled it down carefully and after turning on the flashlight, ascended the wide dusty rungs. Reaching the top, he shone the light around, looking for a cord, switch, bare light bulb...aha, there was a cord. He pulled on it, but the bulb was dead.

He called down, "Have you ever been up here?"

"No! I hate dark places like that. None of my stuff is up there."

"I really think you should come up. It's not that scary. The steps are sturdy and this is a bright flashlight. There's some really old stuff up here and a bunch of boxes; I don't know which one to look in."

Brenna grimaced. "It might be by an old trunk."

"That would help if there weren't several trunks up here. Can you remember where she put it?" As if she had actually seen Helena storing it! On the other hand, she did remember exactly where she had seen it in the dream. The truth was, she was afraid the box would be where she had dreamt it.

She bolstered her courage and called up to him, "Okay, I'm coming." Adam smiled.

Climbing slowly to the top, she peeked around when her head reached floor level. It was a small attic, not much more than a crawlspace; Adam had to duck his head slightly. She climbed up the rest of the way and he took her hand as she reached the top. She closed her eyes for a minute. Helena had turned slightly to the left, past the trunk with her wedding dress...could her dress still be here? The box she was looking for was the original one mailed from Michigan. Opening her eyes, she dropped Adam's hand and took the flashlight. She stepped forward and shone the light on the stack of boxes next to the trunk. The top box was so covered in dust that any writing was invisible so she wiped off the top, shining the flashlight right on it. Addressed to Helena...no big surprise...where was the return...Detroit, Michigan. Brenna had thought she would be terrified at this moment, and was surprised to feel triumph and relief mixed with the fear.

Adam had stood by quietly. Now he asked, "Well?"

She handed the box to him. "Here it is. Let's take it downstairs."

They settled themselves on the rug by the fire and Brenna untied the old string, half of it disintegrating from age. She wiped the top off again so as not to get dust on the contents already seen in her dream and opened it slowly. Pulling back the yellowed tissue paper, she and Adam stared down at the tiny christening gown, in the light for the first time in over sixty years. She picked up the tiny bonnet and gown and, pushing the box aside, laid them out on her knees. They, too, were faintly yellowed with time, but still exquisite with tiny stitching and fine rows of lace.

Adam stared at them, wide-eyed. "Wow. I mean, I believed you, but wow. That's not the same as seeing it."

Brenna smiled. "I know. Aren't they beautiful? Helena's mother made them by hand. Family and friends made all these little clothes. I can't believe I'm not upset. You would think I'd be more scared, but I'm not. I'm a little nervous about looking for the baby's headstone; that's kind of a big deal." She threw up her hands. "But what's the point? This is all history. Martin's gone and Helena's so old. Victoria never got the chance to live so she can't have any unfinished business, like in the movies," she puzzled.

"I don't know, Brenna, I have no idea. I've never heard about this stuff really happening." He looked up. "Want me to help you look for the headstone in the morning?"

"Would you, please? I won't rest easy now until I know if it's on this property or not. It gives me the creeps to think of looking for it by myself."

"No problem. Do you have any decaf?"

"Yeah, you want me to make some?"

"No, just tell me where it is and you can sit with your...stuff."

Brenna smiled. "It's all on the shelf over the coffee maker." Her stuff. She wondered if she should ask Helena about it. No, Helena hadn't intended to get the box out again. But apparently some force of nature or spirit thought Brenna should. She laid the gown on the couch and lifted out the tiny diapers and t-shirts, along with some flannel blankets and knit sweaters and gowns. You would have been a well-dressed baby, Victoria; you were anticipated lovingly, it's clear to see.

Chapter 24

The following morning, Brenna awoke to a typical northwest climate and the weatherman predicted more of the same as, shivering, she restarted the fire. Adam had left after his coffee the night before with a promise to return in the morning to start the search for the headstone, but she wasn't sure he'd want to be out in this foggy, damp weather.

She let Zoe and the cats out and started a pot of coffee, fully caffeinated. Concerned the cats might sleep in the baby clothes, she had boxed them up before going to bed, but now she again unpacked the christening gown and bonnet. She had awakened with the idea of hanging them on one of her satin hangers on the wall in her room; she had a rose-colored hanger that would do perfectly.

Brenna started to pour her coffee at the same moment Zoe decided she frantically had to come in out of the fog and the phone rang in the parlor. Quickly she let Zoe in and ran to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, just wanted to see if you were still up for exploring today."

"Well, yes. I was kind of wondering if you'd be, what with this icky weather and all. Zoe doesn't even want to stay out there," Brenna admitted.

"How quickly you forget. I work for the fire department, remember? We have to go out in the worst weather. Actually, today, I'll be lucky not to get called in. It's pretty blustery here in town. How's it out there?"

"Oh, it's not really windy, mainly damp fog."

"Hey, no problem. I'll be over in about an hour. How's that?"

"That's fine. I don't suppose you have a sickle or Weedeater, do you? All I seem to have are hoes and shovels."

"All of the above are at your service. By the way, would you be interested in having dinner at my brother's tonight if we're not too tired? He's married with three kids and we have dinner together fairly often."

She blinked in surprise. Family, hmm. Well, why not? She could handle it; they couldn't be too bad if they were related to Adam. "Okay, that sounds nice. See you in a bit."

Brenna hung up quickly and went back to her coffee. Well, this should be an interesting day. What would she wear tonight? And what did one wear when hunting for a tombstone? She shuddered. Maybe it wasn't there; maybe her dreams were a little off yesterday. Taking a deep breath, she went upstairs, donned layers of old clothes and laced up her hiking boots.

Running back downstairs, she grabbed an apple from a basket on the dining room table and went outside, Zoe playing dead by the fire when her name was called. "Pansy," Brenna yelled back at her as the screen door slammed.

She walked around her yard staying near the house as if she went too far, she would suddenly stumble on the headstone by herself. Eating her apple, she checked on all her flowering bushes, noting the lilacs were about done for the season. Some of the rhodies were just now coming in bloom. Looking around, it seemed as though bushes had been planted in such a way that there would always be something blooming. She wondered if it had been Martin or Helena who had such a green thumb.

Tires crackled on gravel as Adam's truck pulled into the drive. He and Max hopped out, and he pulled a large Weedeater and two sickles from the truck bed.

"Good morning," he called to Brenna as she came across the yard. "Perfect day for clearing brush, wouldn't you say?"

Brenna wrinkled her nose and threw her apple core in the bushes on the other side of the drive. "Perfect for sitting by the fire and reading, I'd say."

Adam handed her the Weedeater. "Oh, come on, it'll be fun and even if we don't find anything, your yard'll look better."

Before Brenna could reply to that, she heard Zoe scratching at the back door. Apparently now that Max was here, the weather wasn't such a problem. When Brenna opened the door, Zoe flew down the steps and she and Max took off for the woods.

"Hey, let us know if you find anything!" Adam called after them. Brenna whacked him on the arm as he laughed and followed her out back.

"Be serious, you; we're looking for a headstone, for God's sake," Brenna admonished him.

"If I've learned nothing else this year, it's to laugh when you can; there are few things in life worth crying over."

Brenna was silent, remembering Adam's ex-fiance. She didn't think she wanted to get onto that topic yet.

"What side of the property was the grave on?" he asked.

She pointed toward the northeast corner and they started cutting.

"Why don't we clear a path for now since we know what we're after, and later we can clear the rest?"

Brenna nodded, running the Weedeater behind him as he hacked his way into the brush and overgrown blackberries. Good grief, this thing was heavy.

They worked for half an hour before Brenna called for a break.

"Already?" Adam asked, in feigned disbelief. But he quickly dropped his sickle and followed her back to the house. They had already shed their jackets while working and the house felt like an oven, so they brought their juice outside and sat on the back steps for a few minutes.

"We've made good progress; shouldn't take much longer," Adam estimated.

Brenna shivered, suddenly feeling chilled, and rose to take their glasses back into the kitchen.

Adam was right. It wasn't long before they found the fence marking the east side of the property. They turned north and cleared about ten feet before Adam nearly tripped over something. He looked down and, brushing the overgrowth off the object, could see the rough-cut top of a small headstone, the crevices filled with the dirt of past years. Brenna's eyes widened as he backed up and, taking the Weedeater from her, proceeded to clear the area. Then he motioned her forward so she could clear off the small headstone herself.

Kneeling down, she pulled the sleeve of her sweatshirt over her wrist and rubbed off the face of the pink granite stone, revealing what she already knew was there. She traced the rose with her finger and shivered, remembering Helena doing the same.

"Wow," was all Adam could seem to get out. He had believed her but, as with the baby clothes, it was a different thing to actually see it.

Brenna scooted back, cleared off the top of the grave and stood up, her sore muscles complaining.

"What now?" Adam asked.

Brenna looked at him and shook her head. She laughed half-heartedly and said, "I have no idea."

"Well, I'm starving. Have I worked hard enough for some food?"

She smiled and led the way back to the house, Max and Zoe bursting out of the underbrush behind them.

In the warm kitchen, they dropped their sweatshirts by the back door and washed their hands and faces. Brenna opened the refrigerator door and surveyed the contents. Hmm...not very impressive. She opened her cupboard and pulled out a can of soup. "Clam chowder okay?"

"Always. Do you need some help?"

"To heat a can of soup?"

He held up his hands. "Okay, I'll go sit with the dogs in the parlor."

She smiled behind his back as he left, and set to work on the chowder and grilled cheese sandwiches. Why was it women wanted to prepare all the food initially, but down the line, when the guys were used to being pushed out of the kitchen, women complained about the lack of help? In her family, anyway. She had better not set that precedent.

She put the food on a tray and, getting some cans of pop from the frig, carried it all into the parlor. Adam jumped up. "Here, let me help you."

"Thank you." After handing him the tray, she lowered herself to the floor. "Did you stir up the fire? Thanks, I was hot when we came in, but now I'm getting chilled."

All was silent as they ate the hot food while the dogs stared at them from the other end of the hearth. Brenna looked away from them. "I hate it when they do that. They make me feel so guilty."

Adam laughed. "Just don't look at them; I don't. Max is so spoiled I'm not about to give him my own food too."

"Good way to look at it. I don't think Zoe is actually lacking anything either. Certainly not food."

After lunch, Adam got to his feet and stretched, Max raising his head to see what was happening. "Thanks for lunch, it was great. I'm going to run home and clean up and get some other stuff done before dinner. Do you still want to come tonight?"

"Oh, sure, I'm looking forward to it," Brenna replied, picking up the lunch tray.

"Here, I'll take that." Adam took the tray from her hands and carried it into the kitchen. She smiled behind his back. She may have shoved him out of the kitchen, but chivalry was not dead.

The dogs followed Adam to the door and they said a quick goodby over milling animals.

"You know, what you need is a dog door. What do you think?" Adam asked.

She laughed, looking down at the pets. "You may have something there. I'll definitely consider it."

"I'll pick you up at five, okay?"

"That's fine, I'll see you then."

He hesitated, then kissed her quickly, as if on a dare. When she smiled, he kissed her again, a softer, longer kiss. Leaving her not only smiling, but speechless, he and Max hopped in the truck and backed out of the drive. Brenna closed the door as they drove away and patted Zoe's head. "Hmm. Well, that was interesting. Zoe, I am so tired, but I'm almost afraid to take a nap. What do you think, girl?"

Zoe's response was to pad into the parlor and flop down in front of the fire.

"Okay, but if I have any dreams, it's on your head," Brenna told her, shaking her finger at the already slumbering dog. She pulled her afghan around herself and curled up on the small velvet couch, touching her lips with a smile.

Chapter 25

Brenna slept soundly for the next hour, waking to the soft sound of rain pattering against the windows. At least it held off until now, she thought. She lay on the couch for a few more minutes, stretching her legs and willing her arm to wake up. After awhile, she sat up reluctantly and went to run a bath, taking a pink frosted glass bottle from the shelf and pouring some of her favorite bubble bath into the steaming water. She felt a pang of homesickness as the sweet aroma filled the air; it made her miss Molly and shopping in Portland. Trying to shake it off, she grabbed her latest novel and lowered herself into the steaming water.

After her bath, Brenna trotted upstairs in her robe and pulled clean cords from her bureau along with a turtleneck. Leaving her towel wrapped around her hair and feeling at loose ends, she went downstairs to wash some dishes. She finally realized she was trying not to think about the Montgomerys and the impact the last two days had had on her. How on earth had she left the city to give herself time to heal from the devastating effects of dying babies, only to buy a house whose history was permeated with the pain of losing a child? Or maybe it could be said the house had welcomed her in because she was open to the sorrow experienced there. Whatever it was, she was fast growing tired of it all. Last night it had been something of a relief to know her dreams had a source, but today it was overwhelming. Well, tonight she would be having a normal dinner with people who didn't know anything about it, and she was looking forward to it.

After drying the few dishes and putting them away, she sat down in her rocker with her book. She jumped when the phone rang and went to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me," Adam said, his voice now familiar. "Will you be ready to go by five?"

Brenna glanced at her watch. "Sure, that'll be fine."

"Are you okay? You sound tired."

"I'm fine. I think this baby stuff is just beginning to get to me, and besides that, now my arms are sore! But I'm looking forward to dinner."

"Great, I'll be there soon. You can bring Zoe if you want."

She smiled, looking at the still-slumbering dog. "I'm sure she'd like that. I'll see you in a bit."

Brenna was brushing out her hair when she heard the rumbling engine of Adam's truck. She tossed her brush into the bathroom and put on a flannel-padded raincoat. "Zoe, come on." The dog leapt up from the hearth rug and followed Brenna outside, both of them scurrying through the drizzle and hopping into the truck while Adam held the door for them. He hurried around and climbed in himself, shaking the drops from his hair. Max and Zoe, seated behind them, sniffed each other's faces and panted happily.

Turning the heater up a notch, Adam backed out of the drive and set off for his brother's house.

They pulled in around five thirty and a little girl ran out to meet them, wearing a bright yellow raincoat in the steadily increasing downpour. Adam swung her up into his arms, tickling her tummy. "Who's my best girl?" he asked her, grinning.

"Meee!" she shrieked, wriggling.

"I think you're right!" He put her down and she ran ahead to open the door. A smaller boy danced on the threshold until he saw Brenna behind Adam and then he backed up into his mother's legs shyly.

"This is Adam's friend, Brenna. Can you say hi?" the woman asked him, her long blond hair falling forward as she leaned over to lift her youngest son and hand him to Adam. "These little monsters are Ben and Rachel. It's nice to meet you. I'm Ruth."

Ben looked at Zoe and Max following their people through the door and pointed at them, a little more at ease.

Brenna looked down as Rachel wrapped her arms around Zoe's neck. "This is my new dog, Zoe. She likes to go running on the beach and bury her bones in the yard. Oh, and pack off anything I've left lying around." She decided to save her 'adoption' story for another time.

Ruth laughed. "If there's any drawback to having a retriever, it's that. They tend to retrieve everything, lost or not."

Adam took Brenna's raincoat and hung it on a hook by the door to dry. The wood stove in the corner was glowing and emanating a welcome warmth and the dogs flopped down on the rug in front of it, Ben and Rachel hanging on them. A huge silver tabby cat was curled at the base of the stove and had not stirred at the dogs' entrance, well accustomed to the creatures.

"Do you need any help with dinner?" asked Adam. Brenna looked at him. Was he volunteering her or was the man handy in the kitchen?

"No, it's almost done. You sit down with Brenna. There's some white wine on the sideboard if you'd like some." Apparently, it was the second thought. Hmm. This could be interesting, she wondered how good a cook he was.

Adam showed Brenna to a seat on the couch near the fire and brought her some wine.

"Thank you."

A man appeared from the kitchen and Adam introduced him as his brother, Jake. He resembled Adam, but was leaner and beginning to gray. His smile however was just as charming. Jake called upstairs to another child, "Aaron, dinner's ready!" and motioned the others into the dining room.

The glossy wood table was covered with steaming food and flowered china. Ruth looked to Jake to say the grace, and afterwards, the food began to make the rounds; steaming mounds of mashed potatoes followed by roast beef and gravy, steamed carrots and hot rolls. Jake cut Ben and Rachel's meat while Brenna and Ruth discussed the china and the making of the roast.

After a leisurely dinner, the children escaped to the TV and upstairs while the adults sat around the table and had some more wine, Adam accepting only half a glass as he would be driving. Brenna, with the past few days still weighing on her, accepted a full glass gratefully. Her mind wandered as she leaned back and sipped her wine.

"Brenna," Adam said quietly, "are you feeling all right?"

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry," she replied, sitting up straighter, slightly embarrassed.

Adam laughed. "Nothing to feel sorry about. You couldn't offend us because you're tired. We put a lot of work into the yard today."

Ruth smiled. "How do you like your new house, Brenna?"

Brenna swallowed hard, a lump rising in her throat, and tried to smile back. Adam, seeing her reaction, said, "Brenna's been having a little trouble at the house," but then, as Ruth frowned, he amended it and said, "I don't know that you'd really call it trouble."

Brenna stared at him, dismayed he would so casually share her problems with his family. Sensing her discomfort, he looked at her and said, "I'm sorry. Maybe I should have talked to you before opening my mouth, but it's just Jake and Ruth and I thought they might have some insight on it. I mean, we don't know where to go from here."

Brenna opened her mouth and closed it again, feeling conflicting emotions. They weren't her family. Yet, he was talking as if they were in this together, as if it were a mutual problem, and it made her feel a warm relief. She nodded and Adam continued.

As he shared the story with his family, the silver tabby padded into the dining room and looked up at Brenna. She scooted her chair back and he hopped into her lap, turned around and curled up as if he had always known her.

Jake and Ruth listened in silence broken only by Adam's voice and pounding little feet overhead. When Adam was finished, Jake passed the wine bottle around again, cleared his throat and looked at Ruth. "This is something Ruth might have advice on, but as for me, I'm mystified. I'm more of a concrete person. Give me a problem I can see to work with."

They looked at Ruth. "Any thoughts?" Adam asked.

"Only that sometimes when strong emotions have occurred in a place, it seems they can linger, good or bad. I've heard of other old houses having certain ambiences. I have to say, I've never heard of an actual happening where the feelings were backed up by dreams and tangible objects. I guess it's not out of the question, though. I mean, it's happening, isn't it?" She paused and pursed her lips. "No other types of negative things happening? Nothing stirring up angry feelings?" Brenna shook her head. "Okay then, all I can get out of it is what you've said. Maybe Helena's grief was so strong it's still living there. I would love to see your house."

Brenna looked at her in surprise. "You would? It's not too freaky for you?"

"Oh, no. I don't think there's any stronger emotion than a parent's love. It doesn't really surprise me, the more I think about it, that this could be happening. Helena's still alive?"

"Yes, she's in a rest home in Seacliff. She has bad days and good days. Sometimes she's in the fifties and sometimes she's more oriented."

"Have you tried to talk about any of this with her?" Ruth asked.

"I didn't want to bring up such a painful subject. What good could it do her after all these years?"

Ruth thought for a moment. "I had a friend a few years back who lost her baby to SIDS. One of her biggest problems afterwards was finding someone to talk to. She felt like some of her friends were avoiding her as if it happened to her, it could happen to them. People didn't know what to say, so they usually didn't say anything. Within a year, she moved back to Nevada to be near her family. It seems to me it could have been much worse for Helena in the fifties. You say she had Grandma for a close friend, but all her family was back east and Martin traveled on business? Who knows what grief that house may have seen? On the other hand, you say the actual atmosphere of the house is pleasant, so there have to have been positive feelings there too. Sounds interesting. I'd love to see your house."

"Really?"

"Sure," Ruth replied. "I love old houses and I love mysteries."

"Would you like to come up soon and visit?" Brenna asked hopefully.

"I'll check the calendar and find a good time when the little ones are in pre-school. I can give you a call tomorrow if you like," Ruth replied.

"Thank you. It will be good just to visit too, and show you around the house. It really is a nice old place."

Jake had gone to retrieve a chocolate cake from the kitchen as Ruth had finished speaking. After satiating themselves with the rich dessert, Adam and Brenna said their goodbyes and thank yous and made their way back through the rain to Seacliff, sleepy dogs warming the truck cab with their heat.

Adam left Max in the truck and ran Brenna and Zoe to their door quickly. Laughing, they ducked inside, shaking their heads as Zoe shook out her fur and trotted for the fireplace.

"I better get going, I guess," Adam said. "I've got to work tomorrow." He didn't move from the doorway however, but remained, watching Brenna as she removed her coat.

She looked up at him curiously. "Would you like some coffee first?"

He cleared his throat and shook his head. Leaning forward, he drew her toward him, careful not to pull her close to his wet jacket, and kissed the smile from her face. Brenna wound her arms around his neck, heedless of the damp, and lost herself in his scent, the feeling of his arms holding her closer. Time played itself out in silence and they held each other tightly until Max's barking intruded. Adam loosened his arms and stepped back, smiling at the slightly dazed look on her face and feeling the same expression on his own. God above, he hoped he knew what he was doing. Neither of them needed any more unhappiness. Well, they weren't unhappy at the moment, were they?

Brenna waved as Adam ran back through the downpour to his truck. Closing and locking the door, she leaned against it and smiled, still warm and tingly from his embrace. Oh, boy. Hmm. Funny, when she was younger, she would've thought this relationship was moving too slow. But now, it seemed as if it was moving too fast. She needed to be sure she really cared for him...and vice versa... and wasn't just lonely. Smiling again, she remembered the last few minutes. No, that kiss hadn't been out of loneliness.

Chapter 26

Brenna and Zoe slept late the next morning, Brenna waking only when Olivia came upstairs and started patting her face with her paw. "Adam's right, I have to get a dog door," she grumbled, rolling out of bed reluctantly. Adam. She smiled at the memory of the night before. At this rate, she'd get premature smile wrinkles. If a kiss could make her feel so light-hearted, what would more accomplish? Hmm. Tying her robe, she heard the rain pounding on the porch overhang and sighed at the promise of another wet day.

Nails clicking, Zoe followed Brenna downstairs and joined the cats at the back door. As soon as the door opened, Zoe and Olivia darted out, but Brenna had to catch Madeline and Tubby and toss them outside after they saw the steady rain. "Out you go. You've done without a litterbox this long, some rain won't melt you."

After starting the coffeemaker, she slapped her face gently. "This is not going to be a bad day. Just because it's yukky out and you have no plans." She went to the living room, turned on all the lights and, after turning on a dulcimer CD, started a fire and lit some candles. "There, that's better."

Hearing frantic scratching at the back door, she opened it to masses of shaking wet fur. "Here, here, let me dry you off !" She managed to catch Zoe, but the cats streaked for the living room. Chasing them down, she saw with relief that at least they had gone for the hearth.

After pouring steaming coffee and warming a croissant, Brenna curled up in her rocker in front of the fire with a new mystery. She read for a couple of hours, moving only to change position, until the phone rang. Groaning, she unfolded herself and stretched.

"Hello," she grumbled.

"Hi, sleepyhead! Weren't you awake yet?" asked Molly, in an unbearably cheerful voice.

"Yes, I was, as a matter of fact. I just had to get out of my rocker and my body didn't want to. What's up, how are you?" Brenna asked, sinking into the chair by the phone.

"Do you feel like some company this weekend, or are you busy?"

"I'm never too busy for a visit from you. This has been such a week," Brenna said, and proceeded to relate the week's events.

"Well, it's about time you wangled a kiss out of Adam! I go back to Portland and everything interesting happens. Are there any mysteries left for me?"

Brenna laughed. "I hope not. I've had enough for awhile, thank you. I'll keep the box of baby clothes out for you to see." As if I'd climb up there to put them away myself, she shuddered.

"I'll see you tomorrow around noon, okay? Bye, sweetie," and Molly hung up.

Brenna sighed and finally stirred herself to go upstairs and get dressed in warm sweats. She spent the afternoon cleaning and dusting until the house felt cozy and smelled of lemon polish. Occasionally she eyed the silent telephone, wondering if she had imagined the emotion she had felt between her and Adam the night before. Evening crept in and looking outside into the gathering twilight, she saw the rain had finally stopped. Pushing up a window in the parlor, she cut some pink roses and, after shaking the raindrops off them gently, closed the window and put them in a green vase by the phone.

After receiving a call from Ruth setting a day to visit, Brenna and Zoe retired to her bedroom. She looked around with satisfaction; she had chosen the perfect wall color. It gave off a warm glow like the pink lining of a seashell. She determined not to worry about Adam until she had a good reason. He didn't have to call every day. Still, she couldn't help but wonder how it would be to cuddle in her snug bed with him instead of a Golden Retriever.

Looking through her closet, Brenna found a rosy satin hanger and carefully hung the christening gown and bonnet on it. She located the little nail she had seen sticking out of the north wall and placed the hanger there. "Victoria, you have a place here. Happy now? No more dreams okay? Your mother's fine and you've been acknowledged, so let's have some peace." Crawling into bed, Zoe at her side, Brenna snuggled down and read herself to sleep.

_Hot tears rolled down her cheeks, blurring her vision and dotting the small pieces of pastel fabric she was piecing together. She pulled her flowered hankie from her dress pocket, wiped her face and blew her nose. Now straighten up, she advised herself. This little quilt should be made with love and caring, not tears of grief and envy. She still had a fair amount of work to do on it and she wanted it finished before Margaret's baby arrived. Margaret would be so pleased; she often admired her handiwork. This was Margaret's first baby and she could tell sometimes Margaret didn't know what to say around her, not wanting to cause her distress. She always assured her she wanted to hear everything and to be a help during this wonderful event, and it was the truth, but sometimes she felt as though her heart would break. Why was it so easy for_ _other people to have children? The O'Briens had eight! But she and Martin, whom she was sure would have made good, loving parents, could have none. Surely this was one of life's heaviest crosses to bear. There. With all of her woolgathering, she had finished another row. All cried out, she sighed and stretched; sometimes she felt better after a good cry. She critically eyed the small quilt top taking place before her, the stitches tiny and even, colors blending well. Sighing again, she folded the material and put it away. It was time to fix Martin's dinner._

Chapter 27

Brenna awoke to a damp pillow and a mild headache. Puzzled, she lay there for a minute until she remembered her dream and then groaned. "Victoria! I thought we had an understanding," she said aloud. Apparently, she was the only one who thought things should be settled by now. At least it hadn't been a nightmare. Maybe Ruth was right. Maybe she should talk to Helena about it. But surely that would just distress her. She pulled on Zoe's ear. "Wake up, sleepyhead, company's coming. Well, Molly's coming anyway. I guess she's more family than company, but I want to bake some cookies first." Zoe resignedly followed her down the steep stairs. Why did people get up so early sometimes?

Brenna saw with relief that the day held a promise of sunshine, the fog already burning off. Pulling a brush through her hair, she went to open the door for the animals and jumped at the sight of Molly, standing on the back steps, her hand poised to knock.

Brenna laughed. "I've got to get you a key. You nearly scared the living daylights out of me!"

Molly dropped her bags in the kitchen. "How do you think I felt? I almost knocked on your face." She stretched and looked around, then gave Brenna a hug. "It is so good to be here. I always feel better when I hit the beach highway and know I'm almost here. It's like a mini-vacation."

"I'll have you moving up here, just watch and see."

"Nooo...I'm not ready to get out of the fast lane yet. We had twenty eight-week twins last night."

Brenna put up her hands. "That doesn't even excite me anymore. I'm just relieved to be living a semi-normal life."

"I love you anyway, even if you are becoming a hick." Molly ducked as Brenna whipped a towel in her direction.

After carrying her bags upstairs, they went to Brenna's room and she showed Molly the christening gown. "Wow, this is beautiful," Molly said, touching the gown reverently. "That must have been something, to actually find these things you've been dreaming about."

"Spooky's what it was. Although, for some reason, I was also a little relieved. Maybe because it meant I wasn't crazy."

"Well, I don't know about that," Molly frowned.

"Come on, goofy," Brenna said, pushing her toward the door. "I was just going to make some cookies when you got here."

Molly darted for the stairs. "Oh, goody, what kind?"

That evening, they stretched out in front of the fire after a full afternoon of baking, sampling their results and trying to run off the extra calories on the beach. In between the baking and sampling, Brenna had shared the latest 'Adam' update. He still hadn't called. Molly had decided that if he hadn't called before it was time for her to leave, Brenna would make a casual call to ask if he wanted to go running with them. Brenna had rolled her eyes, not bothering to argue. They had rented a new movie for this evening and made popcorn. Zoe flopped across Brenna's legs as she sat on the carpet and laughed until she cried at the antics on the tv. Molly fell over laughing, greatly offending Madeline who streaked for the hearth and looked back at her as if she'd lost her wits, before washing her paw as if nothing had happened.

As the credits rolled, Brenna wiped her eyes and pushing Zoe off her, got to her feet. "That was great, I haven't laughed like that in ages. Want some wine?" She delivered Molly's wine to her, then sat down in her rocker with her own glass. They sat for awhile discussing changes at the hospital and the events occurring at Brenna's house. Finally, they left their dishes on the kitchen counter and turned in for the night, happy and tired.

Chapter 28

Brenna was in the kitchen making blueberry pancakes, the aroma of coffee wafting through the house, when Molly shuffled into the kitchen the next morning. "Oh, those smell wonderful," she groaned, dropping into a kitchen chair.

Brenna laughed. "Here, sleeping beauty," she said, handing Molly a mug of hot coffee. "I wondered if we'd see you before noon. I was thinking. You want to go see Helena today? I haven't visited her in over a week. I feel terrible."

"Sure, that'd be great," Molly replied, her face buried in her big mug. "You know, instead of moving down here, I should've paid you to move in with me and be my chief cook and bottlewasher. Nobody makes cocoa and coffee or bakes like you."

"Thank you, my dear," Brenna said, bowing as she set Molly's pancakes in front of her on the small formica table. "I've got to get cracking on the dining room, I can't be serving my guests in here all the time."

"I'm not guests, I'm family," Molly replied around a mouthful of pancakes. "These are great. Thanks."

"You're very welcome. Someone suggested I have Helena over sometime and I was hoping to have a baby shower for the mailman's wife. It would be nice to have the place finished first."

"Want to work on it today?"

"No, this is your weekend off. We're going to do fun stuff...if we can think of something to do other than eating, running and watching TV."

"Well, you can show me Victoria's grave and we can poke around in the attic."

"You call that fun?"

"Yeah, it's like finding buried treasure when you find old stuff. You wanted to put the baby clothes back anyway. I can help you do that and we can look around. You might have more antiques up there."

Brenna chewed thoughtfully. "I'm trying to remember...I can't remember seeing any furniture or anything, but then I kind of had tunnel vision, what with looking for that box. I remember when she put the box up there, she was putting it next to her trunk with her wedding gown in it."

"There you go! That would be so cool if it's still up there. There's a big market right now for antique clothing if you wanted to sell it."

"No...that doesn't seem right. Maybe after some time has passed or Helena has died. It seems sacrilegious to sell her things with her living so nearby. I guess these dreams have made me feel as if I know her better than I really do. Okay, why don't we get it over with and have a look up there. Now you've piqued my curiosity and I don't want to be left here alone, wondering what's up there!"

After they consumed all the pancakes (much to Zoe's disappointment), they put on some old clothes and armed with flashlights and a new light bulb, carried the box of baby clothes upstairs. Brenna showed Molly how to pull down the stairs to the attic and Molly climbed up first to screw in the light bulb while Brenna waited below.

"Okay, come on up," Molly called down.

Brenna climbed the stairs, balancing the box in one hand and passing it to Molly as she neared the top. She looked around in the bright light which exposed all the corners of the attic. "Well, this definitely improves things up here. There's more stuff than I expected. Here's the trunk her wedding dress was in," she said, pointing at the gray trunk to the left of the stairs. There was another trunk behind that one and an old iron bedstead propped against the wall. Toward the back of the attic, there were a couple of old wicker rockers, their seats long gone, and a few more boxes blanketed in dust.

"Geez, we've got our work cut out for us. I didn't expect to see this much," Molly mused, turning in a circle as she observed the items.

"You and me both. I bet I can find someone to recane these seats," Brenna said, pushing on the arm of the nearest rocker to find it rocked smoothly despite its age. "Let's check the wardrobe trunk first. That's the only other thing I have any knowledge of up here." She moved aside the boxes so she could swing it open. Fortunately, it wasn't locked and opened stiffly as they pulled on it, dust floating into the air. One side of the trunk had several drawers built into it and the other had a short rod hung with covered garments. Brenna looked at Molly with nervous anticipation and lifted down the first garment bag. It was heavy and Molly helped her lay it out on the floor. Brenna unzipped it and was surprised to find a black wool coat, in good condition...but definitely not a wedding gown.

"Maybe she got rid of it later," Molly said.

"Yeah, maybe," Brenna said, disappointed. What did it matter if she found the wedding gown anyway? It hadn't figured in any of her dreams; she hadn't even actually seen it. But still...

Molly pulled down the next bag and laid it on top of the first. Unzipping it, she discovered a short evening gown, reminiscent of the 1950's and in a shade of blue remarkably close to that of Brenna's new dress. The neckline was off the shoulder and it had a tight waist and full knee-length skirt, decorated with sequins that glittered in the light.

"Oh, isn't this pretty?" Brenna remarked, looking closely at the handiwork. "I wonder what occasion this was for. It must have been special for her to save it all these years. She must have been...what, in her thirties when this was in style?"

"Maybe you'll dream about it. Let me know what you find out, okay?"

"Hey, don't put any thoughts in my head! I have enough trouble up there!"

Brenna zipped up that bag and lifted down the last, bulkier than the others. This is it, she thought, I knew it was still here. Opening the bag, she uncovered gleaming satin and row upon row of white lace. She looked up at Molly, her face glowing. "I knew it was here. She could've gotten rid of it, but I just had a feeling...I mean, she didn't have her daughter to keep it for, but she saved it anyway."

"I guess you're right... let's take it downstairs when we're done. It's too dusty up here."

"Good idea. This is so much fun!" Molly carefully hung the other bags back in the trunk as Brenna zipped up the garment bag. "What now?"

"Hmm...let's look in the drawers before we close it up."

Brenna opened the top drawer to reveal tissue paper, and folding it back, she revealed a mound of white silk. Reaching in, she lifted out a floor-length peignor that shimmered in the artificial light. It had long full sleeves and a neckline trimmed in fine lace. "Look, Molly, it must be her part of her trousseau. Isn't this beautiful?"

Molly stroked the soft folds of material. "This is too cool. I can't believe she still has this. This gown has to be sixty years old!"

"I know. It looks like she preserved them pretty well; this must be special tissue paper."

Molly looked back in the drawer and pulled out some embroidered handkerchiefs and a pair of white leather gloves. "Maybe she used these after the wedding."

"Yeah, I bet she did." They put the items back in the drawer and opened the next one. Inside were two faded cardboard boxes; one held some ivory satin pumps, slightly yellowed with time. "Now, those would not fit me, that's for sure. I prefer to believe the statistics that say people's feet are, on the average, larger than they used to be."

"Oh, right, Brenna, whatever makes you feel better. It's probably more related to all the years you spent running your feet off for our ungrateful hospital."

Brenna laughed. "You're probably right. Hey, look at this," she said, opening the second box. It held a small white felt hat with white feathers decorating one side and a small veil in front.

Molly peered inside. "I bet she wore this with the white gloves. I wonder what dress she wore on her honeymoon! Geez, I don't even know this woman and here I am wondering what she wore on her honeymoon. Time for lunch, I'm getting creeped out."

Brenna laughed. "Where did you pick that phrase up?"

"Oh, when I had to float to Peds last week, there was a twelve-year old who was 'creeped out' by just about everything in the hospital."

"Probably with good cause," Brenna said soberly.

"Peds has a couple new Playstations. That helps the more stable kids pass time better," Molly said, as she descended the stairs. "Personally, I don't like my patients big enough to talk back to me."

Brenna left the light on and came down slowly after her, carrying the heavy wedding dress carefully. She hung it in her closet, intact in its garment bag, while Molly pushed the staircase back up. They went downstairs for lunch, stretching muscles sore from kneeling.

Molly noticed the paint cans by the back door. "How are you ever going to paint the trim of your house with your fear of heights?"

"I'm going to enlist the help of my dear friends for the upstairs and I'll do the downstairs."

"Oh? And when are you planning this enterprise?"

"This summer sometime when the weather is good. Doesn't summertime at the beach sound good?"

"Right, summertime on a ladder in the sun, covered in paint."

"If you're painting right, you shouldn't be covered in paint."

"We're talking about you and me working together, dear. Outside of the hospital, things can get out of hand when we work together," Molly replied, remembering past painting parties when more paint had ended up on the people than the walls. Of course, back then, beer was considered a food group and that might have had something to do with it. Nowadays, an occasional glass of wine was all they drank. Brenna reminded Molly of this.

"Oh well, I tried."

The phone rang and Brenna backtracked to the parlor while Molly investigated the contents of the refrigerator.

"Hello?"

"Hi, how have you been?"

She smiled and knew she had worried for nothing as Adam's warm voice carried over the line. "I'm fine. Molly's here for the weekend and we've been poking around the attic."

"Find anything else interesting up there?"

"Yes, some old trunks and clothes."

"Anything important?"

Brenna frowned. "I'm not sure yet. We found Helena's wedding dress though; it's really beautiful."

"Sounds like something she'd save. Anyway, the reason I called...we're having a spaghetti feed at the fire hall tonight. Would you and Molly like to come?"

"I'll ask her...should I bring something?"

"No, you're my guests and I'm bringing spaghetti. I'll pick you up at quarter to six, okay?"

She yelled the invitation to Molly in the kitchen who answered with a resounding yes. "Okay, we'll see you then."

Brenna followed the smell of grilled cheese sandwiches into the kitchen.

"Ooh, firemen! See, I knew he'd call." Molly said. "It's about time you developed a social life here and I get to meet men to boot."

"You know, there are firewomen up here, too."

"That's great,but there still have to be more firemen."

"Okay, you win. Is that my sandwich? I'm starving."

Chapter 29

After the lunch dishes were washed, Brenna turned to Molly. "What now? Do you want to go back up to the attic, visit Helena, just lie around..."

"Well, I think I've earned that 'lie around' part, but I'd rather visit Helena, I've learned a lot about her since seeing her last."

Brenna grinned. "I know what you mean."

They went outside and Brenna fetched her gardening shears from the shed. She noticed several new buds on her white rose bush and felt a glow of pride; something she planted was flourishing. Walking around the yard, they cut sprays of the pink roses, some feathery tulips and a few branches of fuzzy pussy willow Brenna had discovered on the edge of the property. Molly put them in a clear vase while Brenna whistled for Zoe who came running, her hind end bouncing in a different direction from her front.

"I should have called you Tigger. Hop in." Brenna opened the back door of the Blazer for her.

The drive to the rest home was enjoyable as the warm spring air blew through the windows. Flowering baskets of geraniums were hung across the front of the home and Rusty sat out in the sun in his wheelchair, his face to the sky.

"My young lady! Are you still holding that dance for me?"

"You know it, Rusty." Brenna introduced him to Molly, who also had to promise him a dance. Although cheerful, it seemed to Brenna that Rusty was more thin and pale than he had been. On their way down the hall, she stopped a nurse to ask about Rusty and Helena.

"Rusty is starting to fail, I'm afraid. His heart is just too tired. Helena's about the same, sometimes with us and sometimes in the past."

"Thank you."

Pausing at her door, they looked in on Helena, seated in her chair by the window. She was dozing, her head bobbing slightly, her rose shawl around her shoulders. Someone had french-braided her hair and wound the end around her head, and in the sunshine it resembled a gossamer halo.

"Oh, I hate to wake her up," Brenna whispered. But as they stood watching, Helena raised her head slowly and brushed a hand over her hair, smoothing stray hairs escaping their braid. Brenna eased into the room.

"Helena?"

She started slightly and turned her head. "Oh, Brenna! It is so nice to see you." She looked out of her window. "Isn't it beautiful today? I spent the morning out in the sun."

"That's great. We saw Rusty out there when we came in."

"And who have you brought with you today?"

Brenna motioned Molly forward. "This is my friend, Molly. Do you remember meeting her a couple weeks ago?"

Helena frowned, looking vaguely confused. Brenna hastened to reassure her it had been a brief visit and Helena had been sleepy at the time.

Molly moved to shake Helena's hand. "It's an honor to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

Helena laughed gently. "How could you have heard much, dear? All I do is go to the dining room or sit at my window."

"Yes, but my best friend lives in your old house and..." Molly paused at the same moment Brenna nudged her foot. How could Helena know...or understand...that most of Brenna's knowledge was acquired through dreams? It sounded crazy to Brenna and she was the one living with it.

Brenna cut in. "Well, I think you kind of get a feel for what a person's like when you live in their house, and I'm also a friend of Adam Chambers' who happens to be very fond of you."

"Adam...he's such a fine boy. He was engaged...has he married yet?"

Brenna's stomach recoiled at the thought of Adam marrying smeone else. "No, it didn't work out. She wanted to stay in Eugene."

"Hmm, she must not have been the right one or she'd have followed him. That's what I did, you know. I had to leave my family and move out here in order to marry Martin. I was lonely, but I never regretted it. We had a wonderful life together. The right woman for Adam is still out there; he's a good young man. He was very helpful to me when he came back from college."

"I've had a good time getting to know him. He's been helpful to me, too. Molly and I are going to the firemen's spaghetti feed with him tonight."

"Oh, those are so much fun. Martin used to be a commissioner for the fire district and we would go to their functions. A lot of good people in Seacliff..." Her voice trailed off as she stared out her window, lost in memory.

Brenna watched her for a moment, wishing badly that she could question her about her past, about Victoria and Martin, about her sadness. Helena seemed so content now it was hard to picture her as the grieving mother Brenna dreamed of.

Molly set the vase of flowers on her windowsill and Helena turned back.

"Thank you, dear. It's so nice of you to remember the flowers. I do miss them."

"You're more than welcome, Helena. We'll tell everyone 'hi' for you tonight, okay? Take care of yourself and I'll come back to visit soon," Brenna said.

"You do that and bring Adam with you, I'd love to see him," Helena requested.

"I'll see what I can do. Bye for now."

As they went out, Molly said, "It was nice to see you, Helena."

"It was nice to see you, too, dear. Take care of our Brenna, now."

After they got out of earshot, Brenna grabbed Molly's arm. "I can't believe how lucid she was! She's always kind of faded out quickly, if she was even here to begin with!"

"I'm glad I got to see her on a good day then," Molly said.

Zoe wriggled anxiously and barked as they approached the Blazer.

"Do you have to do your business?" Brenna asked her. She got Zoe's leash and attached it to her collar before opening the door. All Rusty needed was sixty pounds of dog in his lap. When he saw her though, his eyes lit up.

"Hey, I used to have a dog like that! Best dog I ever had." He sat back and coughed, trying to catch his breath.

Brenna hurried to his side while Molly took Zoe across the street to some bushes. "Are you okay? Do you want me to call a nurse?" She felt silly asking him that after years of nursing, but she didn't remember a thing about geriatrics.

"No, I'm fine," he wheezed. "Just let me catch my breath."

By the time Zoe and Molly returned, Rusty was feeling better.

"Hey, buddy, how are you?" he rasped, reaching out to pet Zoe's head.

"This is Zoe, Rusty," Brenna said. "I've only had her a short time, but I can't imagine how I lived without her."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Rusty said wistfully. "I had my Buddy for twelve years, never got over losing him. But that's life, huh?"

"Yeah, that's life," Brenna replied, leaning over to hug his thin shoulders. "Here's your nurse, Rusty; I'll see you next time." Rusty waved as the nurse rolled him away.

They started for home in a more somber mood than they'd had driving in, but by the time they reached the south end of town and the beach highway, they were regaining their usual ebullience. As they pulled into the drive, Gary's car with its postmaster sign drove up to the mailbox.

"Hey, Gary. How's Julie doing?" Brenna called, heading toward him with Zoe hot on her heels.

"Oh, she's doing pretty good...she has to lie down a lot. Doctor says she's having some premature labor. No medication, but it's a possibility if things get worse."

"I'm sorry to hear that...let me know if there's anything I can do. Does she want any help with housework or anything?"

"No, she has a friend who's coming up to visit for awhile and help out, a friend from Eugene. Thanks for the offer though. I'll keep it in mind."

Molly had followed them to the road and now held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Molly, Brenna's best friend."

Gary shook her hand. "Glad to meet you. Brenna's a real nice neighbor." He put his car in gear and rolled away toward his house.

"I hope she doesn't go into hard labor here at home. I don't want to get stuck with that delivery!" Brenna complained. Then she laughed. "That sounded terrible, didn't it? I'd be glad to help her if she needed it...I just don't want to be needed."

Molly put her arm around Brenna's shoulders. "That's okay, you know. God didn't put you here to be a servant for all mankind. It's okay to just take care of yourself for awhile. And me occasionally, too."

"Oh, yeah, that's right, I'm the coffee guru."

"That's right, and don't you forget it."

They trooped noisily into the kitchen as the cats dashed out. Zoe trotted over to her water bowl and slurped for several minutes. "I'm sorry, honey. I forgot to bring water in the car for you," Brenna said as she poured lemonade for herself and Molly.

Sitting down at the little table, she laid out the mail Gary had handed her. "Bill, bill, junk...oh, dang, a letter from Maureen."

Molly laughed, well acquainted with the ambivalent relationship between Brenna and her only sister. "Do you want me to open it?"

Brenna sighed. "No, I can do it. Let's get it over with."

She scanned the rose-scented stationery quickly. "Sophie's stitches are out...her leg is fine, Bryan got a promotion, the twins are going to a new preschool, why don't I see if I can get my old job back before all my bridges are burned...yada, yada, yada...nothing new really."

"I'm sorry, Bren. Well, if she has to be your cross to bear, at least it's long distance."

"Thank God for small favors."

"Let's take a walk and go see the headstone," Molly requested.

"Okay. Want to go out, Zoe?" Brenna tossed the letter and junk mail into the trashcan. They grabbed some cookies on the way out of the door and Zoe bounded after them.

Brenna made her way through the rough trail, trying to hold blackberry branches out of the way for Molly. "I swear to God, these things grow overnight." Finally they reached the small headstone and Molly knelt down, as transfixed as Brenna had been when she had first seen it.

"This is beautiful, a perfect headstone for a baby," Molly said, running her hand over the fine engraving.

"What is it about this stone? Helena traced it with her fingers and so did I when I found it. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah. It'll be nice when all this brush is cleared away. We should have a work party on a nice weekend. After we paint the house, of course."

Brenna smiled. "Sounds good to me. This was hard work, just clearing this path. They used to have a white picket fence in this corner, around the stone. It'd be nice to put that back up. Although I think I'd better work on the fence in the front yard first."

"I think you're right there. Well, let's go get ready for this spaghetti feed. Firemen!" She stood up, rubbing her hands together greedily.

"Molly, they're just regular guys with families."

"Adam is not just a regular guy with a family."

"Well...he's an exception."

"We'll just have to scope out some more exceptions. Race you to the house!"

Chapter 30

Molly and Brenna compared each other's wardrobes to see if they could find anything more inspired than what they were used to wearing. Finally they decided to just wear their own comfortable clothes. Molly pulled on her overalls over a green T-shirt while Brenna searched for her favorite pair of jeans to wear with a denim shirt.

They were standing in the yard examining the fading rhodies when Adam drove up.

"Come on, Zoe," Brenna called, putting her in the house and locking the door. "Now watch, when we drive away, she'll be at the window moping for all she's worth." Brenna climbed up in the middle of the seat and Adam shut the door behind Molly. As they drove off, Molly looked back at the parlor window and sure enough, there was Zoe staring after them with a woebegone expression on her furry face.

Molly laughed, "Brenna, that dog thinks she's a person, I swear."

Adam smiled. "Yeah, so does Max. It couldn't be because we spoil them, could it?"

"I don't spoil her!" Brenna exclaimed.

Molly gave her a slight shove. "Are you kidding me? The damn dog sleeps with you, Brenna!"

She tried to defend herself as Adam laughed, "Yeah, at least Max sleeps in his own bed."

Brenna dropped the conversation, well aware they weren't there in the middle of the night to save her from her nightmares while her faithful dog was. But Molly, remembering, patted her on the knee and held her tongue.

Adam pulled over in front of the Fire Department and helped them from his truck. The ambulance, fire truck and tanker had been pulled into the lot to make room for the dinner. They had been washed that afternoon and gleamed in the evening sun.

Adam led the women into the building, the unfamiliar fumes of diesel prickling their noses, overlayed with the more homey smell of spaghetti and garlic bread. On the side wall, yellow fire helmets and jackets hung in an orderly fashion; black rubber boots, with fire pants and suspenders bunched around the ankles, lined up in front of them.

"Hey, Adam, how is it you've managed to show up with two beautiful women? One is hard to find around here these days!" A stocky young man with ruddy cheeks approached, his hand outstretched.

"Hey, Barry, how's it going? This is Brenna. She moved here recently, and this is her friend, Molly." Adam introduced them as they shook hands.

"Moved here? People usually leave here, not move here. Most don't come back to a small town like this...except for Adam."

Adam smiled as he guided the women toward the back of the bay. "Well, I was never known for being predictable, was I?"

Barry followed along behind. "That's for darn sure. We did some crazy things when we were kids. Our introduction to the fire department was being rescued off a third-story roof when we were five."

Adam laughed. "That's right. I'd just about forgotten that one. Barry's brother told us he'd thrown Barry's new baseball up there, and like a couple of fools, we believed him."

He ushered them toward a tall, spare man with a full head of iron gray hair. "This is our captain, Jack Shaw."

Jack shook their hands. "I've heard about you, Brenna. Have any interest in riding with the ambulance if we have a call tonight?"

Brenna looked at Molly. "Well, that's something I hadn't thought about. What do you think?"

Molly shrugged. "Sounds like fun to me."

"Okay, thank you. Would Adam be there?"

"Oh, sure. We wouldn't send you out cold with a bunch of strangers. And we wouldn't expect anything from you. You'd be there to observe."

"Thanks, that would be interesting."

Adam took Brenna's elbow and guided them around a couple of groups of people toward the long table laden with fragrant garlic bread and spaghetti. Brenna caught Wendy's eye at the end of the table and waved. Wendy grinned and motioned surreptitiously at the young man ahead of her and Brenna realized this was the wonderful boyfriend she had heard about, and smiled her approval. He was about Wendy's height with bright red hair and a weightlifter's build. When they were done with the line, he turned, smiled at Wendy and motioned to a table. Brenna watched him guide her across the crowded bay. She hadn't realized he was a firefighter, too. She turned her attention back to the matter at hand. After they loaded their plates with several different types of pasta, Adam led them to seats under an overhead heater.

He gestured to the people across the table. "Hi, guys," he said, and looked at Brenna. "This is the couple we'll be responding with if we have a call tonight; Jim and Cece Laulainen." He introduced them to Brenna and Molly. "Jim and Cece have been with the department for years. They own the hardware store in town."

"Oh, yes, I've been there. It's where I got all my paint and wallpaper."

"Glad to hear it. I hear you're baby nurses," Cece said, a smile creasing her slightly worn face. She and her husband appeared to be in their late forties and had the faintly weathered skin of people who spend most of their time outside.

"Molly is, but I'm kind of on hiatus right now. I had to have some time away from medicine."

"I can understand that. I had to take a break from the fire department a few years back. We just had too hard a winter, and suddenly I couldn't take any more.'

Brenna looked at her sharply. "How did you get over that and come back?"

Cece shook her head and brushed long, graying bangs out of her blue eyes. "I guess it's true that time heals. After a while, I began to miss the sirens and the action. I missed being able to help people. Selling hardware doesn't really compare to that."

Brenna chewed her garlic bread thoughtfully.

Molly put her fork down and looked at her friend. "It would be nice if that would happen for Brenna. I really miss her...everyone does. But every time I come up here, she seems more and more at home."

Brenna smiled at her. "You're right, I am. I miss you, too. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back."

Adam suddenly motioned to someone at the next table. A tall, well-built man rose out of his seat...and kept on rising.

Molly caught her breath. "How tall is he?"

"Six-five at last count. I think he's stopped growing finally. He's about twenty-eight. Hey, Tony, let me introduce you to Brenna and Molly. They're the baby nurses from Portland I was telling you about."

Brenna looked at Molly. Did the whole town know who they were? After living anonymously in a big city, she would feel odd next time she went to the grocery store, wondering who already knew who she was. She couldn't decide if it felt reassuring or intrusive. She looked back at Tony and shook the long, strong hand outstretched toward her across the table.

Molly shook his hand also, saying, "It's nice to meet you, I'm Molly. I still live in Portland, but I'm up here frequently." Hint, hint, she thought, an engaging smile on her face.

"Tony has a fishing boat here and occasionally runs charters," Adam informed them.

Tony smiled and nodded, but appeared somewhat speechless. He dropped his dark brown eyes initially, but then appeared more at ease when Adam inquired about his business. After discussing the work he'd done on his boat through the winter, Tony turned and went back to his seat at the next table.

Molly took notice of his broad shoulders and the dark hair curling around his collar. "Is he married by any chance?"

Cece grinned. "No. But we've been working on that." Her smile faded slightly. "He had a bad marriage a couple years ago and has had a hard time recovering from that. He married his high school sweetheart, but after awhile, she wasn't so sweet. She'd been a cheerleader and homecoming queen and when the applause ended after high school, she took to partying and eventually ruined their marriage by staying out all night with guys who weren't her husband. She moved away after he divorced her. Thank God he had the backbone to do that. For a while, I thought he was going to put up with her forever."

Adam nodded. "He's a lot stronger than people give him credit for. He pulled together his dad's dying fishing business and got rid of his witch of a wife. He's a decent guy...and a good firefighter too. Always willing to help and push himself to the limit, but knows where that limit is, so he doesn't end up endangering himself or the rest of us. When the adrenalin's rushing, it can be hard to know what your limits are."

"I can understand that. Although at the hospital, no one really cares what your limits are; you do what you have to do even if your blood sugar's in the can because you haven't eaten in nine hours." Brenna shook her head. "I don't even want to think about it. It's such a relief to be away from it. I like it here."

Adam smiled behind his garlic bread.

Jim wiped his plate clean and broke his silence. "Well, welcome to Seacliff. It's always nice to get new blood in a small town."

Brenna started to reply when an overhead speaker suddenly blared a high-pitched series of tones and a siren sounded from the roof outside. The tones ended and immediately a voice followed, "501, 501, respond to report of possible cardiac arrest at 11 Eucalyptus St. 70-year old male unconscious and breathing, history of heart problems. 11 Eucalyptus."

Jim, Cece and Adam had jumped up with alarming speed and Jim and Cece ran for the ambulance while Adam spoke into a radio. "501 received, 11 Eucalyptus." He motioned to Brenna and Molly and ran for the ambulance where Jim and Cece were already buckled in the front with the motor running and lights flashing. As soon as the women were seated, Jim pulled out, sirens blaring, while Adam pointed out the seatbelts on the bench seat. Brenna and Molly strapped themselves in hurriedly as Cece radioed, "Medical control from 501, we're en route."

"501 from Medical control...patient appears to have stopped breathing...CPR instructions being given to family at this time." The dispatcher's voice was calm, but Brenna and Molly detected the underlying tone of urgency.

"Oh, shit," Adam said as he checked the oxygen kit and tested the ambubag. "You know who this is, don't you? Rodriguez, that fisherman who retired last year."

"Oh, no, they're such a sweet couple," Cece said worriedly.

Brenna looked at Molly and saw her own racing heart reflected in Molly's eyes. Geez, I haven't felt like this in weeks...and I haven't missed it either.

In what seemed a very short time, the ambulance pulled onto a side street and into the gravel driveway of a small, green house now lit up by flashing red and white strobe lights. "Medical control from 501, we're on scene."

Cece opened the side door and took a jump kit from Adam who followed with the oxygen bottle and a Heart-Start machine. Jim was already in the house as Brenna and Molly jumped out and followed Adam through the front door.

A small woman with curly white hair, wearing a flowered housecoat, backed away as Jim leaned over the elderly man sprawled on the braided living room rug, his skin an ashen gray.

Cece pulled patches for the Heart-Start out of a side pocket while Jim checked for respirations and a pulse. Adam had the ambubag ready to go when Jim called for it and, lifting the man's chin, ventilated him as Cece hooked him up to the Heart-Start and Jim provided chest compressions. Turning the defibrillator on, Cece spoke into its recorder, reporting the date, patient status, and the personnel on the scene.

A whining sound, increasing in pitch, came from the machine as it charged itself to shock.

"Stand back, stand back," came a monotone electronic voice, and Jim and Adam held their hands up.

"No shock indicated," the machine reported on detecting no heartbeat.

Adam continued ventilation while Jim did compressions. Cece expertly inserted a needle into an antecubital vein, the first flashback of blood a dark color. Molly took the rapidly dripping IV bag from her and stood beside them.

"Stand back, stand back."

Brenna stood off to the side with her arm around Mrs. Rodriguez, whose legs now began to buckle as a soft keening sound came from her throat. Brenna lowered her to the couch and, grabbing a tissue box from the end table, pushed several pink tissues into her hand.

"Mrs. Rodriguez, is there anyone we can call for you?" Brenna asked.

"No, no..." she cried. "We have no family. Please save him..."

"They're doing their best," murmured Brenna, patting her shoulder and looking helplessly over her head at Molly. They were both used to dealing with crises at the hospital, but to see someone dying in his own living room was a different thing altogether. No doctors, respiratory therapists, ventilators, IV pumps...

"No shock indicated," the Heart Start reported again.

Adam and Jim continued CPR while Cece called the emergency room to talk to the attending physician. She hung up. "Okay, let's go, I'll get the gurney."

"Stand back, stand back."

The machine again reevaluated the man's vital signs and registered asystole. "No shock indicated." The EMTs started CPR again. The man's skin had pinked up slightly from their efforts, but Jim and Adam looked grim. Cece rattled the gurney through the front door.

Brenna got Mrs. Rodriguez' attention. "Do you have a car we can drive you to the hospital in?"

"Out front, the brown volvo. Is he alive?"

"They're still working on him, okay? Let's get your keys and a jacket so we can follow him." The little woman nodded and rose stiffly to get her coat and purse as Molly helped the others load the man on the gurney and wheel him out to the ambulance. Brenna and Mrs. Rodriguez followed them out the door and down the wooden porch steps. Molly ran back to her while the gurney rolled into the back of the rig.

"Are you okay to take her in alone if I go with them to help? Or do you want to..."

"No, go," Brenna said. "I'll drive her in behind you. See you there."

Molly hopped into the back of the ambulance and Cece pulled out of the driveway. Brenna helped Mrs. Rodriguez into the passenger side of her car as the ambulance sped away, sirens wailing and strobes flashing down the block.

Brenna sighed as she tossed her purse on the kitchen table. "I have to say, that is not something I feel like volunteering for."

She had driven Mrs. Rodriguez to the hospital where a small Irish priest had met them in the emergency department and escorted the woman to a quiet room while the ER doctor assessed her husband. After a few medications were given with no response from the patient, the time of death was called by the doctor. Mr. Rodriguez had obviously been down too long for them to get him back. Adam and Jim came out of the cubicle looking haggard and Cece drove them back to the station where some volunteers had remained to hear the outcome of the call. Adam had immediately taken Brenna and Molly home while the Laulainens filled out the report.

Molly agreed. "I'll take the nursery, thank you. We may have crises, but at least we're in a familiar environment with all the equipment and help we need. Jim asked me to put a sat monitor on the guy and get his BP, but I didn't know where anything was so I had to take over compressions. I'm exhausted." She rubbed her arms and stretched.

"So much for not doing anything. Here, straddle that kitchen chair and I'll rub your shoulders."

"Yeah, Adam said that, in retrospect, they should have called for more help rather than using me, but at the time it seemed reasonable to just have me help since I'm used to CPR. I think he forgot when I do compressions at work, I use two fingers instead of two hands. Oh, that feels good. Hey, maybe you should become a massage therapist. I bet they don't have one of those up here."

"I bet you're right, but no thank you."

Zoe whined at the door and Brenna let her back in. "Ready for bed, girl? I am more than ready. I feel so bad thinking about Mrs. Rodriguez having to go home all alone." Tears came to Brenna's eyes. "And I hate that feeling! I'm glad I could be there for her tonight, but I can't afford to be involved in situations like that right now; selfish as it sounds, I can't handle it."

Molly patted her shoulder. "I already told you, it's not wrong for you to just take care of yourself right now. You obviously have some stuff to work through. Maybe you should steer clear of the fire department."

"I will. I don't have to be there to see Adam." They headed for the stairs.

She stood in front of the bathroom mirror and carefully unwound the pin curls in her soft brown hair, dropping bobby pins into a china bowl. She combed out the curls, being careful not to pull too hard, and then sprayed her head with hair spray. She turned from side to side to see the final result and was pleased. Now, to manage getting her hose on without snagging them with her fingers, the skin roughened from gardening.

She hurried up the stairs, her tiger kitty following behind only to be shut out of the room so he, too, wouldn't snag her hose. She pulled a new slip and garter belt from the dresser and carefully donned her stockings. After straightening the seams, she attached them to her garter belt. Sliding her slip over her head, she enjoyed the soft feeling of the silk. Finally, hearing Martin's car pull into the drive, she hurried to the closet to get her new blue dress. She and Margaret had gone shopping in Portland for something to wear on her tenth wedding anniversary and had found a beautiful sequined dress in Martin's favorite shade of blue. She had been impatient to wear it ever since, taking it out of the closet each day to see it sparkle in the light.

She heard his footsteps on the stairs and her heart gave a little jump. Who would have guessed that a couple ten years married could still feel excited when one heard the other's footsteps nearing? She had no idea as a young bride that they were not at the zenith of their relationship in their first year of marriage. Now she knew better, knew there was always something new to be discovered about each other if they took the time. She stepped into her rustling new dress as Martin came through the door.

" _You look beautiful, dear. Do you want me to zip you up?"_

She turned her back to him, smiling. He zipped her dress carefully and leaned over to nuzzle her neck. "You are more beautiful than you were on the day I married you." His arm slid around her waist and his hand uncurled before her. She looked down to see the gleam of sapphires.

" _Oh, Martin! Thank you, they're beautiful," she exclaimed, taking the earrings from his outstretched hand._

" _Happy Anniversary, darling," he smiled._

She went to the mirror to put on the earrings, a perfect match for her dress. Catching Martin's eye in the mirror, she smiled. She looked back at her reflection, a healthy, attractive thirty year old woman. Healthy, but never able to give her husband the one gift that would have outshone any jewels, the glow on their own child's face. Her heart constricted for a moment in an all too familiar pain, but she pushed it away. Tonight was a celebration; if their life story had not been spun in the way they would've chosen, they had still been blessed. She turned to her husband and kissed him soundly.

Chapter 31

Brenna woke with a feeling of contentment and a warm muzzle against the side of her head. She lay for a moment trying to remember why she felt peaceful; she could certainly remember the distress from the code last night. Slowly the dream returned to her and she was surprised she had dreamed of Helena rather than medical stress after the evening they had had. She smiled, remembering the love between Martin and Helena. Just as she had experienced Helena's pain at the loss of her daughter, she now felt the full measure of devotion in the Montgomerys' marriage. The feeling faded the more she awakened, but she continued to be at peace.

Mother's Day. It was Mother's Day today. She had ordered her mother's favorite flowers, violets, to be delivered to the cemetery in Michigan where her parents were buried. After so many years, the sting wasn't as sharp, but the magnitude of loss hadn't left her. She sighed and wondered if anyone had ever thought of Helena on Mother's Day.

Zoe raised her head as Brenna swung her legs over the side of the bed. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. The earrings were still here. That's ridiculous! she thought. Helena would definitely have taken a treasure like that with her. Still, Brenna was ready to hit the attic again. They had another trunk to go through.

Brenna and Molly took turns fiddling with the stiff lock on the second trunk until it finally snapped open under Brenna's fingers. They raised the heavy lid to see a tray in which lay a large photograph album, some loose photos and letters, and a black lacquer jewelry box.

"Yes!" Brenna carefully lifted the jewelry box from the trunk while Molly removed the photo album and opened the cover.

Brenna unclasped the lid of the box and gasped. Each little compartment was filled with earrings, bracelets or necklaces. Most were costume jewelry, obviously well made, while some appeared to be made of precious metal and gemstones. Martin apparently was fond of giving Helena jewelry. It was hard to imagine Helena wearing these things frequently...on the other hand, maybe Martin felt better giving her gifts when they had no children to spend money on. Brenna had a feeling that was probably the case.

Molly interrupted her reverie. "Bren, look at these." She held up the photo album to show a black and white 8x10 wedding picture of Martin and Helena next to some smaller photos, each mounted with black paper corners. Helena looked radiant in her gleaming satin wedding gown, a cascading bouquet in her right hand and her left hand on Martin's arm. Martin grinned at the camera, looking quite dapper himself in a black tuxedo. Brenna suddenly realized she recognized Martin quite well even though she'd only seen him in her dreams. Her heart raced as she registered this information and looked over the other photos. "Oh, look, Molly; the hat and gloves. She wore them with her going-away outfit." Brenna pointed to a small photo of the couple heading for a car in afternoon sunlight, attempting to protect their heads from a rain of wedding rice. Helena wore a pastel suit, her little feathered hat on her head, while Martin hurried behind her, still in his tux.

Between the next pages, covered with what appeared to be pictures of their train ride to Seacliff and their new home, lay a white envelope. Brenna picked it up and pulled out a small photo, only to gasp and drop it as if she'd been burned.

"What is it?" Molly asked her in alarm. Brenna was not able to reply as tears rolled down her cheeks. Molly picked up the picture and held it to the light. "Oh, Bren, I'm sorry. This must be a shock with everything that's been going on." It was a photo of a small white coffin holding a tiny baby in a pastel dress, loosely wrapped in a blanket. A fuzzy white lamb lay beside her.

Brenna stood, the jewelry box sliding noisely and unheeded to the floor, and headed for the stairs, sobbing now. Molly dropped the pictures and hurried after her.

"Honey, I'm sorry." Molly put her arms around Brenna as she stood in the hall and cried until she almost didn't know why anymore; whether it was for herself, her parents, Helena, Victoria, or all her babies through the years at the hospital. Maybe it was all of the above. They stood there for a long time until her tears dried and trailed off into a few hiccups, causing them to inexplicably laugh. "Oh, Molls...thanks, I feel better."

"That must have been Victoria, huh?"

"Yes. I can't believe she took a picture of her, I thought people were more in denial back then. Although, she did bury her here when people thought she was nuts." Brenna wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "I have a feeling Helena's always done pretty much what she pleased and the world be damned. This was probably the one thing in life she couldn't conquer."

"Do you want me to get the album and jewelry box so you can have them down here?"

"Would you please? And turn off the light while you're up there? I probably won't go up there again until you come back next time."

"Will do." Molly trotted up the steps and down again, and Brenna raised the stairs behind her.

That evening, Brenna sat in bed with her quilts pulled close around her, Zoe's head on her legs, and the photo album in her lap. She sipped some hot tea, taking care not to drip on the album. Molly had left that evening and Brenna felt miserably alone, even though she had made plans to drive to the city on Thursday to visit her.

She turned the pages slowly, taking in aspects of Helena's life she had not yet seen. There were pictures of her and Margaret gardening, having parties and swinging on a porch. Martin was shown washing the car, painting the house, getting off the train from business trips. There were pictures of them at the ocean, with and without family and friends, their hair blowing in the wind and smiles on their faces. One series showed them on packhorses in the mountains; in one of the shots, Helena was rubbing her rear with a chagrined expression after dismounting her horse. As the decades passed, their hair grew whiter and their posture changed slightly. Occasionally, Martin would be shown standing proudly beside a shiny new car, the models changing with the times. The pictures that touched Brenna's heart the most were the ones of Helena with Margaret's children, especially the one with the first new baby. Helena sat in a rocker in what must have been Margaret's living room, beaming, holding a chubby little baby wrapped in a quilt; its fingers twined in her curls.

Finally, with a yawn, Brenna rubbed her eyes and laid the album on her nightstand. "Goodnight, Zoe, sleep tight." She reached over and turned off the lamp as Zoe scooted up closer to her face and soon they were fast asleep.

She awoke gradually to an odd smell and a flickering light dancing off her ivory walls. In confusion, she reached her hand out toward Martin's side of the bed only to find it cold and empty. That's right, he was in Eugene tonight. She got out of bed, the hardwood floors cold under her bare feet, and hurried to the window. Looking around, her first thought was that nothing was amiss in her yard. Then she came fully awake as she realized the flickering light was coming from the south, from Margaret's property. Opening her window, she stuck her head out to see the top floor of Margaret's house blazing with fire.

" _Oh God, oh God!" She grabbed her robe as she hurried past the door and down the stairs. Dialing Margaret's number on the telephone, she held the receiver between her ear and shoulder_ _as she thrust her arms into her sleeves. No answer. She quickly called 911._

" _Yes, ma'am, we've received word of the fire. The trucks are on their way." She could hear the wailing sirens even as the dispatcher spoke. Hanging up, she pulled on her sneakers and flew down the driveway as fast as her sixty year old legs would allow. As she neared Margaret's house, she could see her and her husband in the glare of the oncoming fire trucks and her heart nearly failed her with relief._

" _Margaret, I was afraid you were still in there!" She threw her arms around her best friend's neck and Margaret, who until that point had been in shock, burst into tears. Her husband, George, put his arms around both of them as the firemen hurried to lay out their hoses. Very quickly, there were huge arcs of water streaming toward the house, in the hope of at least saving the downstairs. It soon became apparent though that would not be possible and the goal then became preventing the spread of the fire to the garage and to Helena's house. Fortunately, that part of the operation was a success, but the collective feeling was still one of grief as everyone on the scene, from bystanders to firemen, knew George and Margaret well._

After about an hour, Helena and George convinced Margaret to return to Helena's house with her. It was cold and there was nothing she could do. They made tea and sat in the dining room, watching the scene over the rhodies and talking about what had happened. Margaret's cocker spaniel, Dody, had awakened them with sharp whining and barking; so unlike her usual temperament they knew something was wrong even as they were waking. Fortunately, their bedroom was on the ground floor so they had time to escape along with Dody and their cat before they could be overcome by smoke. George had grabbed his cell phone and called 911 from the yard. He had wanted to start fighting the fire with his garden hose, but Margaret had screamed at him and pulled on his arm until he gave up and went to wait with her on the gravel road, watching their home and history burn.

Chapter 32

The next morning found Brenna with her usual post-nightmare headache. She felt they were getting worse and for the first time she entertained the thought of seeing a doctor, something Molly had nagged her about for some time.

After letting Zoe and the cats out the back door, she took a minute to enjoy the fresh air and sun. Her heart constricted at the thought of Mrs. Rodriguez waking up alone again this morning...if she had slept at all. She brushed her hair back from her face and closed the screen door, shrugging off the memory of that night with the professional reserve she had perfected over the years. Tried to perfect, that is. If she had perfected it, maybe she wouldn't have burned out.

Brenna felt depression begin to settle over her like a blanket and before it could cover her, she went to the CD player, put in an upbeat CD and turned up the sound. With the music resonating through the house, she started her morning coffee, then filled Zoe's food dish and put it near her chair out back. Choosing a china mug covered with purple pansies, she filled it with coffee and, grabbing a banana, went outside for breakfast. She left the back door open and could hear the upbeat music through the screen door. Putting her head back, she soaked up the warm morning sun and began to feel better.

The phone rang as she was finishing her coffee and she darted through the kitchen to get it, leaving Zoe sprawled on the warm concrete walk. Turning down the CD player, she answered breathlessly. "Hello?"

Adam laughed. "You running a marathon or something?"

"No, I was just out back; it's so nice out."

"That's why I called. Want to go for a run before I go to work?"

"That'd be great. I'll meet you at the access road. Is ten thirty good?"

"Great, see you then."

Brenna's spirits definitely lifted, she ran upstairs to change.

Adam and Max were already on the beach playing catch with driftwood when Brenna and Zoe arrived. After some warm-up stretches, they started south down the beach.

"So, how are you doing after the call the other night? I would've called yesterday, but I had to go in early and then do overtime," Adam told her.

"It's not an experience I care to repeat. I mean, I wanted to go because I was curious, but it was very depressing. I know somebody has to volunteer to do that stuff, I would want someone to help me, but I just can't deal with it right now."

"That's okay, nobody's expecting anything from you. I just thought it would be interesting for you to see how we operate."

"Well, it was interesting. I was surprised to see Wendy there, I didn't know her boyfriend was a firefighter," Brenna said.

"Oh, yeah, he's been with us since he graduated, a couple years now. That's Vince O'Brien, he's a good guy. He works down at Jim and Cece's store."

"Oh, really? I didn't notice him, but I was new in town when I went there. Well, newer, anyway."

"He and Wendy have been going out for a couple years now; they're pretty serious."

"Good, I think she deserves a nice guy. She's going to help me plan the shower for Gary's wife. If she can come, that is; this pregnancy's not going well. She might find herself on complete bedrest."

"That's a bum deal. They're really looking forward to this baby."

Too soon, Brenna recognized the grove of trees near where Jared had been lost. She pointed it out to Adam. "This stretch always reminds me of Jared."

He nodded. "Yeah, that happens. There are places around town and on the highway that remind me of some tragedy every time I drive by. But there are also places that remind me of good things; the time we delivered a baby in a car on the roadside, the times our friends' accidents weren't as bad as we thought they'd be. The problem in a small town is that you usually know the people you're going to help."

Brenna nodded as they turned to run north. Always helping friends was a new concept to her; her patients had nearly always been strangers. That had been hard enough.

They ran in silence for a time and then Brenna remembered her dream.

"Adam, I dreamed about your grandmother's house burning down last night."

"You're kidding!" He stared at her briefly before returning his eyes to the beach in front of him.

"No, I wish I were; it was so sad. Helena was sixty so it was 1990, like you said, and it was in the middle of the night. Martin was away on a business trip and Helena woke up to the flames and smoke. She ran down there and your grandparents were standing in the middle of the road, waiting for the fire trucks. Your grandfather had tried to put it out with the hose, but it got too hot for him and your grandmother pulled him back. They got their pets out, but lost everything else, all their pictures and family momentos."

"I can't believe it, that's just what I heard. It was a terrible fire. But do you know what Helena and Martin did? On top of giving them whatever they could to help, they got copies of all the pictures they'd taken together with our family and arranged them in an album. Helena dug out photos of places they'd vacationed together, postcards, party invitations, and tried her best to recreate the past for them. She even made them a new quilt for their new bed."

Brenna smiled. "Sounds like Helena, doesn't it? Should we nominate her for sainthood or did the woman ever do anything wrong?"

"Well, if she did, Grandma didn't tell me about it. Grandma said she did have terrible bouts of depression, usually in the winter."

Brenna nodded. "That's not unusual, especially in the northwest."

"Sometimes when Grandma had a baby, Helena didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Sometimes she had to keep her distance for a while, but she always came around again. It was hard when my grandparents decided to move north of town instead of rebuilding on the old site, but Grandpa was having heart trouble by then and they wanted to be closer to the hospital."

They slowed to a walk to cool down and wiped their sweaty foreheads. The dogs trotted in circles around them and then sat down, panting.

Brenna leaned over, bracing her hands on her knees. "So you work today?"

"Until midnight, just filling in for the evening."

"Ruth's coming over tomorrow morning. You want to come and have lunch with us?"

"Sure. I have to go to work at three. How about noon?"

"Good, that'll give us time to go over the stuff you already know."

She swung her hand up in a high-five and he slapped her hand, but then held onto it. Her heart jumped as he pulled her a little closer.

"So, where do we go from here, Brenna? I mean, we've both been hurt more than we needed and I know I'm kind of gun-shy. So, straight out, I guess I'm just kind of asking, are you interested in any kind of relationship; what are you looking for right now?"

Brenna swallowed hard. He was certainly being up front with her, she owed him the same. "It's kind of hard to just go out on a limb and hang there by yourself. I take it we're both interested in something more than friendship?"

He nodded slowly. "That's safe to say."

"Okay...it scares me, sure. I didn't expect to have feelings for anyone right now, but I know I have more than friendly feelings toward you."

Adam smiled. "Same here. I didn't want any kind of relationship for a long time after Adena...or so I thought. I didn't expect you."

So that's her name, Adena, Brenna thought. A bit more exotic than plain Brenna.

"So...one day at a time?" she asked.

Adam nodded. "Agreed." He pulled her closer still and kissed her slowly, his own scent again more intoxicating to her than any cologne.

They let go of each others hands and Brenna started for her Blazer, walking backwards, her cheeks red. "See you tomorrow."

He waved. "Bye. Don't fall over that driftwood, now."

She turned just in time to avoid it, blushing. Ohmigod, I'm acting like a schoolgirl! She waved and ran off with Zoe, and Adam and Max watched until they were out of sight.

That evening, Brenna sat at her vanity and brushed her hair. She stared critically into the mirror, trying to see herself as though through someone else's eyes. Thick hair, a beautiful shade of auburn but unruly. Medium complexion, not too pale, but nothing spectacular. Blue-gray eyes with thick lashes, one of her better features. Arms still firm, breasts average size and shape. She looked down, legs muscular from running, feet average size. Well, the main theme seemed to be average. What did Adam see in her? She thought about his warm hazel eyes, his smile that lit up his whole face. Oh, well, this was getting her nowhere. She shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, just take one day at a time like they'd agreed. Sighing, she got up to put on her flannel nightgown. As she crawled into bed, she pushed Zoe and Olivia over and took their warm spot, snuggling down into her comforter.

The wind whistled around her body, piercing her nightgown and blowing her hair in her face. She brushed her hair back, looking down to see she was still in the same gown, the little blue roses barely visible in the dark. Her bare feet were cold on the rough black tarmac and she felt a vibration increasing in intensity. Looking up again, she saw to her alarm a small air liner was taxiing down the runway...heading straight for her. She tried to run, but her feet were too heavy and she couldn't lift them. She could scream, but her cries were blown away in the wind and drowned in the roar of the approaching aircraft. She waved her arms madly, sure the pilot would see her and try to change course. There was no turning or decrease in speed, in fact the plane was picking up speed for lift-off. Finally realizing she had no control over the circumstances, she lowered her arms and waited for the plane to run over her, the faces of people she loved passing through her mind.

A whoosh...and she was standing in the first-class aisle. She barely had time to register the fact she was still alive before she noticed the one passenger seated in the cabin. Helena...was she well enough to be flying? Certainly not alone. She went toward her, grateful her feet would move. She started to address her when Helena looked up and smiled.

" _Brenna, my dear. Have you seen my beautiful baby yet?" Helena held a soft, white blanket in her arms._

_Afraid, but unable to stop herself, she leaned over and Helena pulled back the folds of the blanket to reveal a small, mummified baby_.

" _Isn't she beautiful?" Helena beamed._

Brenna put her hand over her mouth; whether to stifle a gag or a scream, she wasn't sure. Bolting down the aisle, she pulled back the curtain to the coach section, breaking into a cold sweat. She leaned on a seatback to catch her breath and was hailed by another familiar voice.

" _Brenna, what a surprise; come sit by us,dear." Her mother's voice echoed through the cabin, empty except for her parents sitting near the back. Brenna ran toward them._

" _Oh, mom, you've got to help me. Helena's up front with her dead baby and..." She paused as her mother held out her hands to her...black hands, smoking, skeletal, her wedding ring dangling loosely from her finger. Finally Brenna began to scream as her parents sat in front of her, beckoning to her to sit with them even as their clothes began to smoke and flame and their skin began to blacken and burn away._

She ran for the exit door at the back of the plane only to be met by Adam and Molly, waiting to board. She hadn't even noticed the plane landing.

" _You guys, get off. You can't take this flight," she cried, trying to push them back._

Molly laughed. "Come on, Brenna, what could be so bad? We all carry excess baggage."

Brenna looked at her, puzzled. Who cared about luggage right now? Then Molly opened her overnight bag and showed Brenna the contents...Ariel, the last patient she had lost. Brenna began to scream and tried to open the exit door, now locked behind her. She felt the plane begin to taxi down the runway again.

" _No, no, we can't stay on this plane!"_

The pilot's voice came over the intercom, a woman's voice, somehow familiar. "Welcome to flight 107, folks. Our destination is Salt Lake City. The weather there is warm and sunny today, highs to be in the mid-seventies. Enjoy your flight."

The pilot...surely the pilot would listen to her. She turned to Adam for help, but Adam and Molly had already seated themselves and were eating complimentary peanuts. She turned and ran for the pilot's cabin, passing her parents and Helena once again, their voices echoing behind her. Knocking on the door, she received no response so she tried the doorknob and the door opened to reveal one pilot only, no copilot.

" _Please, I know it sounds crazy, but you need to land this plane now!"_

" _Oh, it will be fine. Go back and take your seat." The pilot turned and smiled at her...only the pilot's face was her own._

Gasping, she woke up, covered in a cold sweat. She lay still for a moment, tears in her eyes, her heart pounding. Well, she didn't need someone to knock her over the head to understand the meaning behind that dream...the plane was carrying her excess baggage alright. But the dream put her in the pilot's seat and she didn't feel in control of hardly anything anymore.

Zoe snuffled her worriedly. Finally, she turned on her lamp and after putting on some warm sweats, went downstairs followed by her menagerie, the other two cats having come to sleep with Zoe and Olivia sometime during the night. She started a fire and, grabbing her lavender afghan, curled up tightly on the couch where she spent the rest of the sleepless night.

Chapter 33

Brenna had finally slept about an hour before waking at six thirty, stretching, her body stiff from lying on the hard old couch. The fire had burned low and she stoked it to ward off the morning chill. The animals didn't stir other than Zoe opening an eye and closing it again, obviously of the opinion it was too early for man or beast to be awake.

After making some coffee, Brenna took her mug and afghan out to her adirondack chair and, wrapping herself up, listened to the morning birds and enjoyed the breeze. By the time she was done drinking her coffee, she felt more peaceful and the last vestiges of the nightmare had fled. She returned to the living room where her pets still slumbered, and rocked in front of the fire, reading, until Zoe stirred herself at eight and went to the back door.

After a hot bath and washing the dishes, she felt ready for her visitor and right on time at ten, Ruth's minivan pulled into the drive.

"Brenna, hi! I love your house," Ruth greeted her enthusiastically, carrying zucchini bread and a gaily wrapped present. She handed Brenna the gift.

"What's this?"

"A housewarming present. If this is your first real house, you need housewarming presents."

"I like the way you think," Brenna laughed. She led the way into the kitchen where Ruth and Zoe greeted each other warmly.

They settled at the kitchen table with coffee and Brenna opened her gift. She pulled back the flowered tissue in the flat box to reveal a pair of matching picture frames. They were made of ivory ceramic with pink roses.

"Thank you, they're beautiful," Brenna smiled. "I have a picture of Molly and me to go in one of them. I'll have to look through my things for another one. They'll look great in the living room...or the dining room. Hmm."

She gave Ruth a tour through the house and showed her the improvements she'd made. As they passed through the dining room, Brenna told Ruth she was trying to finish the room so she could have Julie's baby shower at her house. "Somehow I always end up doing other things. The other rooms are pretty much finished," she said, leading her through to the parlor.

"Oh, Brenna, this is beautiful. You wallpapered this yourself? That's quite an undertaking." Ruth examined the wallpaper fitted closely to the curves of the rock fireplace.

"Well, I was too stupid to know better. Sometimes not knowing things can get you farther than you'd expect."

Ruth smiled at her. "Isn't that the truth. When Jake and I started the kennel, we thought we knew enough to get started, but every day we were calling another kennel with questions. The more we found out, the more we realized we didn't know. But we loved the dogs and stuck it out and it finally took off. Now we're doing well and people are calling us with questions."

Brenna led the way upstairs. "From what I've seen, you're doing a great job. I can't imagine Adam without Max."

Brenna opened the guest room door and then showed Ruth her own room, pointing out the view.

"This is wonderful, I love this shade of pink. Was this Helena's furniture?" Ruth stroked the well-polished burl nightstand.

"Yes, isn't it beautiful? I still can't believe she left it. She acts as though she knew I'd be here and left it for me."

Ruth smiled. "Maybe she did. Some people know more than others, I think."

Brenna remembered Helena's comment on destiny. "I think you're right."

"This seems like a good time to discuss what's been going on around here, if you still feel like it," Ruth suggested.

"Oh, I feel like it, alright. Let's go freshen our coffee," and Brenna led the way back down the steep stairs.

Brenna carried a tray filled with zucchini bread and fresh coffee to the parlor where Ruth was sitting by the low-burning fire. The morning sun had hidden itself in the familiar ocean fog and the day had become chilly.

"This weather, just when you think it's going to stay nice, there goes the sun." Brenna set the tray on the hearth and they helped themselves. "Thanks for the bread, this is excellent."

"You're welcome. It's one of Adam's favorites. Okay, now, what drew you to this house?"

Brenna settled into her rocker and took a sip of her coffee before she spoke. "It was a good size for me...it had lots of flowering plants...I liked the flagstone walk, which I can't use because I don't want to move the roses over the front door."

"Why not? Why don't you just trim them back?"

"I couldn't do that, they're Victoria's roses."

"But what's the significance of them hanging over the door?"

Brenna paused. "I don't know, really. When I first came here, I went through the front door, but I never did again. Helena never used the front door after the roses grew over it. Maybe she associates them too strongly with Victoria...or maybe if Victoria couldn't come through that door, no one else was going to, either."

"How did you feel when you first moved in here?"

"Comfortable, as if I'd come home. As if I could hide away from the world here and only deal with what I wanted to deal with."

"Do you still feel that way?" Ruth asked.

Brenna smiled ruefully. "Well, I've since realized you can only run so far. I may not have family or patients in front of me, but they continue to people my nightmares. I've begun to realize I could go to the Bahamas and still be haunted."

"Do you feel haunted by Victoria?"

Brenna paused again. "You know how to cut to the chase. No, I guess I wouldn't really say haunted because that denotes something negative. The dreams can be sad, but they're just realistic...and some of them are happy or at least content."

"What was the first dream you had?"

"It was so sad. It seemed at the time as if it was me; I didn't realize until later that it was someone else. I was sitting in this rocker, but upstairs in the guest room. All of a sudden, I went into labor too early. It was all I could do to make it to the head of the stairs and then my water broke and I fell down the stairs and passed out. After that, I've had dreams that weren't in any chronological order, although lately they've been showing later parts of her life."

"When did you realize the dreams were of Helena?"

"Well, I dreamed I, rather, she received a box of baby clothes from her family back east. We're both from Michigan, oddly enough. Then I dreamed she lost the baby and couldn't have any more. She was repacking the box and she put it in the attic. She thought of Martin and I remembered that was Helena's husband's name. It was all too much to be coincidence."

"That must have been a little scary."

"No kidding. I went to visit Helena and sounded out the secretary at the home to see if I could learn more about Martin. She didn't tell me much, but I just began to accept this whole thing. I wish it would stop, honestly. I'm more than capable of having nightmares on my own."

"What other kinds of nightmares do you have?" Ruth took another slice of bread and Zoe eyed her hopefully.

"My parents died in a plane crash years ago; I dream about that. Before moving here, I mainly had dreams about not being able to save my babies, my patients that is. I only have those occasionally now. The babies are impossibly small or we're stuck in a fire or something. It's really stressful and I usually wake up with a terrible headache."

"How do you feel when you're losing your babies?"

"Desperate...anxious, trying to get someone to help me and there's no one around. Frantic..." Brenna sighed.

"Similar to a mother's own feelings when trying to save her child, maybe not as strong, but similar. I wonder if Helena had such dreams here."

Brenna stopped rocking. "I can't believe that never occurred to me...how selfish of me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You've had enough of your own stuff to work on and Helena has had decades to reconcile her grief. A mother's child is always in her heart but at Helena's age she's probably thinking about being with Martin and Victoria soon rather than losing them."

Brenna nodded. "Knowing Helena, you're probably right."

"It seems to me you've found a kindred spirit in this house. The emotions that have filled it for years are so similar to your own. Small wonder you're comfortable here even with the dreams. I think the next question is, will they prevent you from healing rather than help you?"

Brenna ran her hands through her hair and stretched. "That's a very good question. I have no idea. I know I have no interest in leaving."

Zoe jumped up at the sound of Adam's truck on the gravel drive.

"Good timing," Brenna smiled. "I guess the one remaining question is how do these things occur?"

Ruth shook her head. "There are stranger things on heaven and earth, and emotions can be very strong."

Adam knocked and opened the back door. "Okay, I'm here. Feed me."

Chapter 34

Thursday dawned with the familiar ocean mist blocking any hope of sun. With any luck, the sky would clear as she got closer to Portland. After a quick shower, Brenna put on her new flowered dress, reasoning even if the weather didn't turn springy, she would feel springy herself. She braided her hair and put on some coral earrings. After a last critical look in the mirror, she fed the animals, putting them and their bowls outside. Because she would be gone all day, she hooked Zoe up to a new run in the back yard, a large dog house nearby. As she walked to the Blazer, Zoe whined and barked.

"Oh, you'll be fine, I'll be back tonight. I'll bring you a present." Brenna shook her head as she drove away. Maybe getting her a present could ease Brenna's conscience, but it wouldn't help Zoe any. She turned up the radio and drove south on the highway, the wild beach roses gradually dwindling away the farther inland she drove.

As she neared the city, the mist burned away and there were fleecy clouds here and there casting large shadows over the river and the downtown area. She wondered briefly if she'd been crazy to move away from her job and friends, but soon decided it was the best thing she could've done as her anxiety level rose merely due to some light traffic. She could always visit after all.

Stopping briefly at her favorite gourmet coffee shop, she bought two pounds of coffee for the nurses on her floor and sped to the hospital. It was time for Molly to get off work and she didn't want to be late.

Walking quietly up to the NICU desk, Brenna leaned over and said, "Hi," loudly into Liz's ear. Liz threw her head up, the beads on the ends of her tiny black braids clicking softly.

"Hey, girl, don't you know it's not polite to sneak up on people?" she snapped, reaching over the counter for a hug. "How have you been?"

"I'm doing pretty good. How are things around here?"

"We miss you, girl. Nobody brings us coffee anymore."

"You brat, I should return this just for that," Brenna said, holding the bag of coffee just out of Liz's reach.

Suddenly the bag was snatched out of her hand and she whirled around to find Molly had snuck up behind her.

"Good work," Liz laughed. Molly handed the bag over the counter to her.

"Hey, Brenna, do you want to go out to dinner tonight with these guys? They promised to semi-behave." Molly lowered her voice. "And I actually got reservations at the new Chinese place."

Brenna pretended to consider the offer. "Well, I guess if I get to have Chinese food..."

"You are bad. Come on, I've got to change."

Outside, the clouds had burned away completely and the air was warm and breezy.

"You brought good weather with you; it's been awful here lately. Do you want to go shopping, go home, what?"

"I have a few things I want to pick up. Why don't we get something to eat and then hit Annie's store?"

"Sounds good to me."

After munching warm chocolate chip cookies from their favorite deli, they walked down the street to a small store centered in a large brick complex of shops. Entering, they inhaled the familiar potpourri fragrance of the shop owned by an old friend of theirs, another woman who had loved nursing, but had moved on. Now she owned and managed 'Homegrown', a shop carrying items made in Oregon, some of them made by Annie herself. Handy with a loom and a variety of hooks and needles, Annie supplied the store with shawls, lap rugs, scarves and the like. Brenna and Molly loved to go and visit every so often to see what new items she had in stock, occasionally bringing home more than they intended to purchase.

"Annie," Brenna called, as no one was in sight. The curtain to the store room parted and Annie rushed out to give Brenna a hug.

"Hey, stranger, how've you been?" Annie asked.

Brenna smiled as she hugged her back, Annie's long thick hair slightly rough under her hands.

"I'm doing well. How are you? The shop looks great."

"Oh, this old thing?" Annie waved her hand at the room, hand-made jewelry and clothing displayed alongside rustic pottery and blankets. "Here, look at this new line of jewelry. A girl just moved up here from Roseburg who does some beautiful work." She showed them the display case.

Nestled in black velvet were fine pieces cast in silver and gold.

"Oh, Annie, these are beautiful," Brenna said softly, bending over the case. Molly looked, but just smiled. Jewelry was Brenna's love whereas Molly just wore the necessary watch and occasional earrings. Brenna knelt to look in the lower case. "Are these hers too?"

"Yes, aren't they beautiful? She has an extraordinary eye."

Brenna and Molly spent time alternately checking out the store and catching up with Annie. Molly bought a green cotton sweater and a couple of glazed mugs while Brenna bought a soft cranberry shawl for Helena and some rose agate jewelry.

"Okay, Annie, we've done our duty for this month. Tell Ted hi for us and kiss the baby," Molly said, hugging her goodby.

"You got it," she replied and turning to Brenna, said, "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

"Not a chance. I'll probably be up next month," and they left, bells on the door ringing behind them as it closed.

Brenna drove home that night with a smile on her face and a large cup of coffee in her hand to counteract the effects of a full stomach. She had missed her friends more than she realized, but she was glad to be going home.

Chapter 35

Friday morning didn't dawn as much as gradually fade to a lighter shade of gray as the clouds hung low and the rain pounded the earth.

"Yuk, so much for running. Come on, Zoe. Oh, no you don't, you still have to go out." Brenna pulled the big dog to the back door by her collar and pushed her furry behind out the door. She closed the door quickly and peeked out the window to see what Zoe would do. She stood on the porch for a minute looking dismal and then took off for shelter under the nearest tree, making quick work of her morning duties. Brenna let her back in, ready with a thick towel. The cats also disdained to go outside and she allowed them more time inside. "But the first one of you to do his duty in here is mincemeat!" Olivia opened one lazy eye and went back to sleep. No respect, Brenna thought.

Well, this weather was just too depressing. For the first time, she wished for an attached garage so she could make it to the Blazer without getting drenched; she could go to the library and get new books. Come on, girl, snap out of it. Okay, she would have breakfast along with fresh-roasted coffee beans from Portland and then put up the border in the dining room. Maybe by the time she finished, the weather would improve a bit.

Vain hope. A few hours later, she stood in the middle of the dining room floor and surveyed her efforts. The border circled the walls in flowers, and the woodwork and hutch gleamed with lemon polish. Okay, a hot bath as reward for all her effort; she needed one anyway by now.

As she stirred scented bubble bath into the hot running water, she looked around the bathroom. All she had left to do was paint these walls and maybe the upstairs hall. Then in the summer, she would enlist her friends to help her with the outside of the house. Her spirits lifted as she considered what she'd accomplished. Pulling up her hair, she shed her old painter sweats and slid into the high porcelain tub, the latest decorating magazine in hand.

Brenna's hopes were rewarded later in the afternoon as the rain dwindled to sprinkles.

"I can live with this. Let's go to town, girl."

Zoe bounded out the back door followed by Brenna, her arms full of library books.

"Oh, no." Her new rose bush was getting black spots on its leaves. She'd have to stop by Bob's and find out what to do; she was clueless.

Mrs. McNair must have been feeling a little housebound also because she nearly talked Brenna's ear off. A lot of town gossip about people Brenna didn't even know was running in one ear and out the other when something jarred her attention.

"And Julie, the postman's wife, is confined to bedrest because she keeps having contractions. She has a friend up to stay with her from Eugene, you know, to clean the house and cook. I heard you were planning her baby shower. I guess you'll have to hold off on that now."

Brenna forced a smile, irritated. "Well, I guess we'll just have to see how things go, won't we?" She turned on her heel and pushed open the heavy exit door, glad to escape any more gossip.

Driving farther down the street, she parked across from Mel's and crossed to see if Wendy was working.

She was standing at the counter, all caught up on her work since the heavy rain had kept most patrons away. Brenna slid onto her now-familiar vinyl stool at the counter.

"Pie, please. And hot coffee."

"Yes, ma'am," Wendy smiled. "anything else, ma'am?"

"That's it for now, thank you very much." Brenna smiled. "By the way, had you heard Julie's confined to bedrest?"

"Kind of throws a crimp into our shower plans, huh? Mrs. McNair was in to tell us about it as soon as she knew." Wendy poured steaming coffee into a thick white mug and slid it toward Brenna.

"What a busybody. She told me I'd have to put off the shower. We could probably have it at Julie's house. Who wants to have their first baby shower after the baby comes? She probably needs things now."

"She does. Gary said they were going to do most of the shopping in the last couple months because they had to save money for it."

"Well, there you go. I'll sound Gary out about how things are going and if their house is big enough for a shower."

"You haven't been down there yet?"

Brenna grimaced. "I'm afraid I'm not much of a neighbor. I value my privacy."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Wendy assured her. "Some people move down here for that very reason. There are long private driveways on property all over the county. It's easy to hide here if you want."

"At least I'm not the only one. I'll let you know what I find out, okay?"

"Sounds good, I'll talk to you later," Wendy replied, clearing the dishes off the counter.

Brenna crossed the wet street, the scent of spring flowers and trees surrounding her as the damp air held it close to the earth, blended with the tangy scent of the ocean. I really do love it here, she thought, climbing back into the Blazer. Zoe greeted her with unfailing devotion made evident by slobbery kisses.

"No, thank you, you beast! I love you, too. Let's go see Helena, okay? It's been too long since we visited her."

The geraniums in their hanging baskets outside the rest home had been battered by the rainstorm and red petals were strewn across the grass. Entering, Brenna turned to greet the secretary and saw her tear-filled eyes.

"Hi, are you okay?" Brenna asked, afraid of the answer. Don't let it be Helena, please, I didn't get to say goodby.

"Rusty died this morning," the secretary replied sadly. "A blessing, really, for him. He was in pain lately."

Tears welled in Brenna's own eyes. "We never did have that dance."

"Oh, to Rusty, joking about it was the closest he knew he'd come to dancing again. He was quite the dancer when he was younger. So, as far as he was concerned, he was on your dance card and that was good enough for him."

"Does Helena know?"

"She knew before we told her. The things she knows sometimes..."

Brenna smiled. "I know what you mean. Is she up to visiting?"

"Sure, it would be good for her, especially today."

Brenna walked down the quiet hallway, pausing to look through Rusty's door. The air smelled of disinfectant and the bed was newly made, the linen drawn tight enough to bounce a quarter on. She blinked back tears from her eyes and went on down to Helena's room.

The older woman turned her head as Brenna entered. "I see you've heard about Rusty. Don't be sad, dear; it was time for him to leave." Brenna went to sit with her in front of the window.

"He'd been talking more about his wife lately. Marvella died ten years ago and he's missed her terribly. They used to win every swing dancing competition in the area years ago."

"Really? When you first meet older people, it's hard to imagine what they were like when they were younger."

"Do you have a hard time imagining me as a young woman?"

"No," Brenna replied, unable to find a reasonable explanation for how well she knew Helena. She fell back on the usual excuse. "Maybe because I live in your house."

Helena smiled. "Maybe."

"When Molly and I were up in the attic, we found an old photo album. Would you like to have it here?"

"Oh, no, dear. Everything from the past that matters is far clearer to me in my head than in photos. I feel my family closer to me all the time and can see them as clearly as if they were standing next to you."

They fell silent for a moment, looking out at the beach covered with debris washed up during the storm. Here and there, people walked slowly, heads down, looking for whole sand dollars and shells. A little girl with long brown curls whooped and went running after her mother, her hand held high clasping a large sand dollar.

"My, she found a prize, didn't she? Whole ones are hard to find." Helena smiled.

Brenna wondered if Victoria would have had hair like the little girl's. She wasn't comfortable bringing up the subject though since Helena had never mentioned her.

Helena's eyes followed the little girl as her father turned and swung her high into the air. "My daughter has hair like that. And blue eyes like mine."

Okay, now, I'm confused, Brenna mused. Is she leaving me again?

Helena brushed her hand over her eyes. "I'm feeling tired, Margaret. Would you help me back into bed?"

Brenna paused, unsure how ambulatory Helena really was, but the older woman was already pulling herself to her feet so Brenna took her arm and assisted her to bed.

"That reminds me, I bought you a new shawl when I went to Portland. I'll bring it next time I come."

"Why, thank you, dear. Give the family my love. I just need to rest today." Helena closed her finely wrinkled eyelids and fell asleep. Brenna smoothed her soft white hair back and kissed her goodby.

She was snuggled in her rocker with her nose in a new book when Adam called that evening.

"Hi, how was your day?" she asked him.

"It was okay, a regular day." He cleared his throat. "I was wondering...we have a fire department dinner every year and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me."

"Isn't that what we just did?"

"No, the spaghetti feed is just something we do once in awhile to keep all the families and community in touch with what's going on. The dinner is pretty formal, Ivan closes the restaurant for us; he's a firefighter too. The officers give out awards and stuff and the band plays afterwards if anyone wants to dance."

Brenna smiled, remembering dancing in his arms. "That sounds wonderful. When is it?"

"Next weekend. Isn't that Molly's weekend off?"

"Uh huh."

"Tony doesn't have the nerve, but he'd like to ask Molly to go with him. We'd have to double-date; he hasn't been out since his divorce."

"That's great, I know she'd love to. We were talking about him after the spaghetti feed."

"Good, you let me know for sure and then I'll call Tony. It's next Saturday night at seven. I have to work all this weekend so I'll call you Monday if that's okay."

"Great, I'll talk to you then." She sighed and smiled as she replaced the receiver. So far, so good.

Chapter 36

The following Monday dawned thankfully clear and the dew on the grass was drying as the fire engine bearing Rusty's casket pulled up to the Lutheran church downtown. The firemen stood at attention on each side of the walk as six of them carried the casket into the old brick building.

Brenna sat halfway back in the sanctuary. She had decided to wear her green suit rather than black; Rusty had never seemed like someone who would choose black. Evidently many of the other town's people were of the same opinion as pastel spring colors mingled with black suits and dress blues.

Adam looked back at her and smiled as he sat down in the front with the rest of the fire department members. He had called her the morning after Rusty's death to let her know the funeral arrangements; she had been surprised to discover Rusty had been a long-standing member of Seacliff Station 5.

The pastor was graciously brief with his eulogy and then invited people to stand and share recollections of their lives with Rusty. Laughter and tears flowed freely as people shared his kindnesses, pranks and acts of courage. Several people were standing there solely due to Rusty's quick thinking in fires and accidents. Brenna was amazed at the shared grief and gratitude for one man's life in the small community.

When the last person had stood and shared, a young man walked forward and the strains of 'Amazing Grace' hummed through the air as he played his bagpipes. Rusty's casket was returned to the fire engine which bore him to the old cemetery on the cliff overlooking the bay.

When the ceremony was done and Rusty had been laid to rest beside his beloved Marvella, Adam found Brenna in the small crowd and invited her back to the station where people were gathering to mourn, laugh, drink and eat. She accepted, grateful not to have to go home just yet. Death was too close to her heart after losing her parents and patients, and some company would feel good right now, especially Adam's.

Finding herself surprisingly hungry, Brenna filled a paper plate and sat down in an empty seat beside Wendy. "That was a wonderful service, with everyone sharing the way they did. When my parents died, the funeral was practically sterile. It was hard to find anything recognizable in what the minister was saying. I don't think he even knew them very well."

Wendy nodded. "I know what you mean. I've been to services like that. Weddings, too, for that matter. But when it's one of our own, it's different. These guys get so close with all they go through. Even if they don't socialize together, there's a strong bond."

Brenna looked around the crowded bay. "I can see that. And I kind of know what you mean. It's a bit like that at the hospital. But this is more...it's like everyone's family."

"Good example. It used to really bug me when Vince jumped and ran when the pager went off, but I've gotten used to it. I don't think I'll ever get over worrying when I know he's out on a fire or something dangerous, but I've gotten pretty used to the interrupted movies and dinners."

Brenna slipped her new shoes off for a minute and wiggled her toes. "There, that feels better. So, are you and Vince planning on getting married?"

Wendy's eyes tracked him across the room. "We've talked about it. We know we're kind of young, but we really love each other. I mean, he hasn't, like, got down on his knee or anything, but we talk about where we'd live and how many kids we'd like to have." She held up her bare left hand. "Kind of weird to think of wearing a ring for the rest of my life. We know it'd limit what we do on our own as far as college, traveling, doing things the way we want. But why wait when all we're really doing is trying to pass the time until we can get married?"

"That's a good point. How old are you, anyway?"

"I'm nineteen, Vince is twenty-one. My parents really like him, but they think we're too young. Time will tell, I guess."

From the other side of the bay, Adam beckoned to Brenna. "That's my cue," she smiled, putting her shoes back on. "I'll see you later."

Adam followed Brenna home and pulled his freshly washed truck in behind the Blazer.

"Do you wash that truck every day?" she asked, laughing. "It's spotless every time I see it. And do you do housework as well as you clean your truck?"

"The answers are no and no. You've just never seen it on the rare occasion I allow dust to settle and no, I'm not a very good housekeeper. I keep things sanitary, but I'm not very good at picking up after myself."

"Ah, finally, an imperfection to mar the perfect image. Thank God, I was afraid I'd always have to have the house clean when you came over," Brenna said, unlocking the back door. Zoe paused long enough for a good lick at Adam's hand and then bounded outside.

"Wait, I have something for you," Adam said, snapping his fingers. He trotted back to his truck, shedding his warm suit jacket as he went.

Brenna left the back door open wide to allow the warm afternoon air to flow through the house. Kicking off her shoes with a sigh of relief, she hung her own jacket on the back of a kitchen chair and took a pitcher of lemonade out of the refrigerator.

Adam came in with his hand behind his back. "Close your eyes," he instructed. She closed them, then heard a melodic, ringing sound and opened them again.

"Wind chimes! I wanted to get some and kept forgetting." She took them from his outstretched hand and swung them gently. Different lengths of narrow aluminum rods hung from a disc of polished cherrywood. "I'll hang them up outside the kitchen window."

"Want some help? There's a planter hook out there, I already looked."

While Adam hung the wind chimes, Brenna ran upstairs to literally change into something more comfortable. She laid her suit over the back of her vanity chair and turned toward the dresser, but then glanced back. Nothing about her had changed, but somehow she felt prettier today. Admit it, it's Adam, she thought. Ridiculous trying to play it safe when your heart was going to do what it wanted anyway. She smiled at her reflection and then pulled on some comfortable jeans and a cotton blouse. Twisting her heavy hair up in a hair claw, she took off her earrings and went downstairs.

Adam was sitting in the kitchen with a large glass of lemonade, Zoe nosing at the condensation dripping down the side. "I poured you one, but it's on the counter over there; I didn't know if you wanted Zoe licking it before you got it. She wanted in when she heard the refrigerator door open."

"Zoe, leave him alone! Your water's over there. Here, I'll put an ice cube in it."

The wind chimes rang gently as a breeze blew past the kitchen window.

"Thanks for hanging them. I love them. They're just the tone I would've picked too. Are you hungry?"

"After that spread? No, but thanks anyway. I noticed you finished the dining room; it looks great."

"Thanks. I was kind of bummed out this week when the weather turned bad so I just made myself get to work on it. Amazing what you can accomplish when you get off your duff."

Adam raised his glass. "Well said." He took off his tie, unbuttoned his collar and rolled up his sleeves. "If I'd been thinking, I'd have put jeans in the truck just in case, but this will do."

Brenna smiled. "It'll have to. A t-shirt I could supply, but I'm afraid the jeans wouldn't fit. Well, why don't you kick those shoes off and come in the parlor."

Brenna sat on the carpet and dug her feet into the worn nap while Adam lowered himself into the rocker.

"Man, this has been a crazy week. Work has been really busy and then this funeral on my day off. Not that I mind paying my respects to Rusty, he was a great guy, but I haven't had time to even think. Poor Max is feeling neglected."

"You could've run home and got him before you came out. Unless you weren't planning on staying long." Good one, Brenna. She twirled the melting ice cubes in her glass.

"I didn't know if you'd be busy and I didn't want to assume anything. I don't have any plans today." Adam watched her, mesmerized, imagining running an ice cube down the side of her warm neck...he shook himself mentally. Behave, don't rush. Rush? How slow did he have to go? He'd never been such a gentleman in his life. What was it about her that inspired that in him?

"Do you want to go home and get him?" Brenna's voice broke into his reverie. "Earth to Adam."

"Oh...that'd be great, then I could change out of this suit too." He swallowed the last of his lemonade. "Do you want to come with me? The place isn't too much of a disaster at the moment."

Brenna smiled and, getting to her feet, collected his glass. "Sounds good to me. I'll leave Zoe here...unless you wanted to stay home awhile?"

"No, it's not home I miss when I'm so busy; it's being able to do what I want, go running, visit my family, you know..."

She followed him out to the truck, locking Zoe in the house only to hear a mournful whine. "I'll be right back, baby, you'll live."

A couple miles north of Seacliff, Adam took a left toward the beach onto a one-lane dirt road without a sign.

"How does anyone find you without a street sign?"

"Well, I don't give directions to anyone I don't want to find me, for one. And if I do, I tell them it's exactly two and a third miles after the last stop sign leaving town."

They pulled up to a single-wide trailer at the far edge of the woods, just before the road opened up onto the beach. Instead of a lawn, the ground surrounding the trailer was covered with pine needles and there were pink wild roses bordering each side. Adam motioned toward his landscaping. "Low maintenance."

Max greeted them joyfully at the door, his hind end jumping in the opposite direction just like Zoe's.

"Are you sure they're not related somehow? Or is this just a retriever thing?"

Adam smiled as he let Max out. "I think it's just a retriever thing. Make yourself comfortable. I'll just be a minute." He disappeared down the long narrow hall.

Brenna took the opportunity to look around while he was out of the room. Kitchen was clean, only a bowl and coffee cup in the sink, clean dishtowel in the refrigerator handle. Living room vacuumed, some clean laundry piled on the couch to be folded. Barely any dust on the end tables. A fairly new DVD player and TV. Mini-blinds at the windows, now those could use a little dusting, but whose couldn't? An afghan in shades of green and blue on the back of the couch; she wondered who had made that. The place smelled good, homey. Passed inspection.

"So, did I pass inspection?"

Brenna jumped. "Don't sneak up on me! And no mind-reading. But yes, you passed inspection," she smiled.

"Well, good. Let me check the answering machine and we're off."

He pressed a button on the small machine on the kitchen counter, the volume turned low. All Brenna heard was a woman's voice saying "Adam". He switched the machine off and turned to smile at her, but not before she glimpsed a brief frown cross his face.

"Let's go," he said, holding the door for her. She went out to the truck, wondering who would have caused a look like that, certainly not Ruth. Then she decided it wasn't worth worrying about right now; he didn't want to talk about it and he seemed happy to be with her today. Max jumped into the bed of the truck and they were off.

Chapter 37

Arriving back at the house, Max greeted Zoe joyfully as she brought him her favorite stick for a tug-of-war. Olivia darted around them as if they were wild animals.

"I agree. Barbaric, aren't they? Pulling on a stick like that. What's the point?" Brenna moved aside as the dogs swept past her. "Whoa, slow down," she called as Zoe slid into the parlor rug.

"Looks like some dogs could use a run on the beach," Adam commented, hanging his jacket on the back of a kitchen chair.

"I don't really feel like running today. How about if we go down for the sunset after dinner?"

That agreed upon, they spent the rest of the afternoon inspecting the sad state of affairs the front fence and the house trim had fallen into. They agreed it wouldn't take too long to make the house presentable with the proposed summer work party. As for the gate and fence, those repairs would require a little more attention, but they could be restored. Brenna had had the roof repaired before moving in. The subjects of Victoria and bad dreams did not cross her mind as she enjoyed her time with Adam, and he did not ask about them.

That evening found them on the beach, an orange and pink sunset spread across the horizon in front of them. Adam settled himself on a piece of driftwood and Brenna sat on the soft sand between his knees as they watched their dogs cavort in the failing light.

She had not felt this contented in years, she realized as she leaned her head on his leg. His hands stroked her head slowly and then carefully released her hair claw. He watched her heavy hair tumble down, red highlights heightened by the rays of the lowering sun. The clean scent of her shampoo rose up as he combed his fingers through her hair. She sighed with pleasure and he lowered his lips to her neck, kissing her slowly...until Max and Zoe decided their people should join in on their fun and showered them with sand.

Brenna yelped and jumped up as Adam scolded his dog. "Dammit, Max! Calm down." He checked to be sure Brenna had no sand in her eyes and then shook his head. Was romance ever going to be in the cards here? Max didn't even look ashamed of himself and neither did Zoe. Fortunately, Brenna took it more in stride and laughed as she retrieved her hair claw from the sand. "Come on, Adam. Let's go home."

Back at her house, Adam pulled a chilled bottle of white wine from the refrigerator while Brenna brushed the last of the sand from her hair. She stared in the mirror at her bright eyes and pink cheeks. Definitely Adam. She didn't recall any man having this effect on her before. She thought she'd been in love once, years before...but that paled in comparison. Well, she'd have to be careful not to be too obvious; she didn't want to scare him off.

He waited for her in the parlor and handed her a glass of wine.

"Thank you, this is perfect." She smiled and lit some fat candles on the mantle and put some soft music on the CD player.

Adam looked around with appreciation. Good atmosphere.

They sat on the couch together as the twilight faded to evening and drank their wine slowly. Adam put his arm around her after a few minutes and she leaned her head on his shoulder with a smile.

"Have you discovered anymore about Victoria yet?"

So much for contentment, Brenna thought, her smile twisting wryly. "When Molly was here, we found some more stuff in the attic. Nothing important really. I haven't had time to mess with it since then."

Adam looked at her. "Why don't I quite believe you? I can't believe you'd find anything concerning Victoria unimportant."

"She can't take over my life. I have to forget about her sometime."

"You and I both know that's not going to happen. What's going on?"

Brenna was silent for a minute, frustrated the peaceful evening had been disturbed. She had to admit though, she was not being fair. She had been grateful for Adam's help and she couldn't expect him not to be curious.

Adam got up and went to the kitchen to get the bottle of wine. He returned to his seat beside her, more sorry by the minute that he'd brought the subject up, and topped off their glasses. Now he was sabotaging romance himself; he'd definitely lost his touch.

Brenna sipped her wine and then said, "I know it's not fair to expect you to just forget about her..."

Adam held up a hand. "Hey, you don't owe me anything. We don't have to talk about it."

"No, I'm being silly, running away from a painful subject. We were having such a nice evening I thought I could ignore it."

He started to speak, but she shook her head.

"Really, it's okay, I'm being silly. Molly and I found some old pictures and jewelry of Helena's. It was kind of upsetting. And I went back to the hospital to visit. I had a good time, but found out one of my favorite patients had died."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too, but then life would have been very hard for him. He had a lot of physical problems. I guess it's not so hard to talk about Victoria after thinking about him after all. Here," Brenna said, handing Adam her glass. "I'll go get the pictures."

She ran up and down the staircase, sure-footed on it now. Sitting down beside Adam again, she put their wine glasses on the floor and placed the large old photo album in his lap.

"I didn't even think, there are a lot of pictures of your grandmother and her family in here. Although maybe your family has copies of these because of the fire."

"Maybe, but I never cared about this stuff growing up so I may not have seen them." Adam opened the album to see the wedding photo on the first page.

"Cool picture. That's a beautiful dress. Is it the one you found upstairs?"

"Yes, it's in my room. I'd bring it down, but it weighs a ton in the garment bag."

"That's okay, I can look at it another time." He turned the page. Brenna pointed to the train picture.

"We found her hat and gloves in the same trunk. And her negligee, it's beautiful."

"What's this?" He picked up the envelope tucked into the center of the album.

Brenna's throat constricted. Man, why does this affect me so much? "It's a picture of Victoria."

Adam frowned, puzzled. "I thought she was born dead."

"She was. It's a picture of her dressed up in her casket."

"That's kind of morbid, isn't it?" He pulled the picture out of the envelope. "I guess if you couldn't have any other picture though..."

They looked at the tiny baby with her lamb. "Your grandmother knitted her that dress."

"No kidding. What's this?" He pulled out a piece of paper that had been tucked behind the picture.

"I don't know, I didn't see it before. I was kind of in a hurry to put the picture away."

Adam looked at her. "Is this bothering you?"

"No, I'm better now. I think it was just the shock of finding it at the time." She looked over at the scrap of paper. "What does it say?"

"It's a poem." He read it aloud.

" 'It is not growing like a tree

In bulk, doth make Man better be;

Or standing long an oak, three hundred year,

To fall a log at last, dry, bald, and sere:

A lily of a day

Is fairer far in May,

Although it fall and die that night-

It was the plant and flower of Light.

In small proportions we just beauties see;

And in short measures life may perfect be.' "

Brenna smiled, her eyes misty. "I have this in needlepoint on my bedroom wall. Helena must have loved this poem."

Adam read it to himself again, absorbing its meaning. "True, isn't it? Every SIDS baby I've picked up has seemed a whole person to me, when I really think about it." Putting the picture and poem back in their envelope, he returned it to its place in the album.

"Do you want to put this away?" he asked.

"Oh, no, you haven't seen all your family pictures yet. I'm okay." She reached over and turned another page, leaning on his shoulder.

His heart skipped a beat as her hair fell over his shoulder and she rested her hand on his knee. Get a grip, buddy, you're looking at family photos, that's all.

The time passed quickly as they took in a lifetime's worth of pictures, chronicling happy and sad times in both families' lives. They laughed at the picture of Adam's father's first birthday, cake smeared all over his face, his chubby hand grasping a little truck. "Hey, my dad still has that truck. My mom found it half-buried in the dirt in his yard before they got married and she rescued it. Now it's in a cupboard with all the china and stuff she's collected."

Brenna smiled. "Funny, the things that bring back memories. I have a doll I got for my sixth birthday and when I look at her, I swear I can still smell the candles burning on the cake and taste the ice cream."

Adam laughed and said, "Yeah and the smell of Bactine brings back the first time I fell out of a tree. I got all banged up plus I got yelled at because Jake tried to save me and fell out of the tree himself. I never did figure out the logic behind that one."

They were nearly done when suddenly Adam's pager came to life with its shrill alarm.

"501, 502, 504, respond to 741 Ocean Court for report of a house fire, unknown if occupied." The pager repeated its message as Adam quickly gave the album back to Brenna, kissed her and ran for the door with Max close behind.

"Call me when you're done, I don't care what time it is," she called after him as she ran to close the door.

"Okay," floated through the night followed by the roar of the truck's engine and a screech as Adam backed out of the drive.

Brenna returned to the parlor, adrenaline coursing through her veins. Geez, and I don't even have to go on the call. But Adam did and to her a house fire sounded dangerous. She hoped no one was left inside the burning house as she let the animals out for their night time duties. Rinsing out the wine glasses, she left them in the sink for the night, the adrenaline rush quickly followed by exhaustion. She let her menagerie back in the house and put the album on the parlor table before going upstairs. I really don't feel like having this upstairs tonight. What am I afraid of? That it will make me dream some more. Illogical, but there it was. And who said I had to be logical anyway, she thought, stripping and pulling an old t-shirt over her head. She snuggled down under the covers, suddenly realizing she had no phone upstairs so she wouldn't know if Adam called or not. Although she hadn't prayed for anyone's safety since her parents' accident, she found herself praying for Adam's now. Hedging her bets, she guessed. Zoe laid down against her back, snuffled once in her hair and they both fell asleep.

The book in her lap was so heavy. She caressed the gold gilt leather cover and traced the stamped letters 'HOLY BIBLE'. A wedding present from her parents, she had forgotten to unpack it right away since she wasn't in the habit of reading a bible anymore. She had viewed it as a token gift, an elaborate place to write out the family tree. Now she knew her family tree stopped here; there would be no more branches from her side. She opened the thick cover and turned to the center of the book between the Old and New Testaments where the family tree pages were folded. She pulled open the pages to reveal an elaborate tree, edged in gold, covering several generations. Each line was empty, no pen had as yet been set to these pages. And no pen would be today either. She flipped through the book, listening to the gilt-edged paper separate crisply as the pages opened for the first time. Remembering the story of Sarah, who had born a miracle child in her eighties, she skimmed across the Old Testament, stopping here and there. The Psalms, she had always enjoyed the poetry of the Psalms as a child when her father would read the bible to them at breakfast on Sunday mornings. Psalm 113, she had always liked that: 'From the rising of the sun to its going down the Lord's name is to be praised...' Her heart jumped at the last verse, she had not remembered this one at all. 'He maketh the barren woman to keep house and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord!'. Praise the Lord for what? She didn't ask for a home, she already had a home. What good was a home when all day long the only sounds you heard were the ones you yourself initiated? The only footsteps, the only chair moved, the only silverware dropped in the sink...by you alone. With Martin in Eugene, several days would pass before someone else would make a sound in this house. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped onto the cover of the bible as she flipped it closed with a thud. She rose from the rocker and put the heavy book on the lower shelf of her nightstand. Drying her tears with the edge of her apron, she went downstairs. Married just over a year and already depressed and lonely. How ridiculous, there were so many people in more dire straits...but right now she could not think of a one.

She started as a faint knocking sound came from the back door. Peering through its lace curtain, she saw a little girl carrying a cardboard box. She opened the door to her.

"Can I help you?"

"Would you like a free kitten?"

She opened her mouth to say 'no', but noticed the dried tracks of tears on the girl's cheeks. Surely it wasn't easy to give her kittens away, the least she could do was look. Leaning over, she peered into the box to see three fuzzy kittens, barely six weeks old.

"Are they weaned from their mama?"

"No, not yet, but my dad said he was gonna drown 'em if I didn't find someone to give 'em to." The little girl's voice was resigned as if she'd said this many times today, to no avail. "The lady next door took one, but I still have these ones left."

The lady next door...Margaret had been talking to the girl while she was mooning around, feeling sorry for herself. She made a decision.

"Let me see your kittens again."

The girl held up the box.

"I'll tell you what. I'll take all three and pay you for them too. Do you want to come in and have a cookie while I get my purse?"

The girl's face lit up and she stepped into the kitchen. After eating three cookies and pocketing three dollars, one for each kitten, she said 'thank you' and headed for the door.

"Now, that money is for you to spend, okay? Not to give to your dad. You can come visit the kittens whenever you like."

The tear-smudged face lit up again as the girl nodded and let herself out. The kittens mewed and squirmed over each other in the box.

"Now, what am I going to do with all of you? I haven't had a cat in years." She picked up each one in turn, kitten breath warm on her face as she held them close. What had that father been thinking of, to threaten his child like that? Getting to her feet, she fetched a tin of sardines from the cupboard and mashed them up. She put the tin in the cardboard box and as the kittens scrambled to check out this new food, she went to the dining room window and looked out over her new little rhododendrons toward her friend's house. She had been so preoccupied with herself lately she hadn't bothered to return Margaret's calls or visits. She went to the kitchen and pulled out her big mixing bowl. It was about time she returned a visit and she would take Margaret's favorite cake along.

Brenna heard a faint ringing and then a familiar voice...her own. The new answering machine. Stumbling out of bed, she flipped on the hall light and hurried down the staircase as fast as was safely possible. But not in time to catch the phone. Oh, well. She pushed the message button and the tape rewound. Then she heard another familiar voice.

"You said to call. I'm sure you're sleeping, but I'll leave a message. I'm fine. No one was in the house, but it was an older mobile home and it's a complete loss. = They go up like a tinderbox. I'll talk to you tomorrow, bye."

She pushed the button again to hear his voice one more time and then returned to bed. As she pushed Zoe off her warm spot and climbed in, she remembered the dream. Here we go again. Interesting, though, Helena must have had cats for the rest of her life...until now anyway. Maybe she should take one of them to the rest home to visit. Olivia would probably tolerate it the best.

The tiny baby lay spread-eagled in the radiant warmer, her arms and legs in soft restraints to keep her from moving and pulling out any tubes. While a respiratory therapist adjusted the ventilator tubing and settings, she rolled over a stand and opened a sterile arterial line kit for the neonatologist. A minute later, the doctor's deft hands had finished inserting the tiny catheter into the umbilical artery and he called for an x-ray to check for placement. As soon as it was confirmed as accurate, much needed fluids and drugs were infusing through both the UA line and a peripheral line. Amazing how clear fluid could return a healthy flush to a pale baby's skin. Perspiration rolled down her back to saturate the waistband of her uniform and her shoes made sticky sounds as she walked through some spilled D10W. She called housekeeping to clean it up and after stepping on the pedal of the trashcan to open the lid, she absentmindedly looked up only to see the mother's agonized face at the window, hands pressed to the glass. Helena young...but Helena was much older than she was, wasn't she...she looked back at the baby in the warmer. Going to the door, she said, "Would you like to come in and see your baby now?" Tears renewed themselves as Helena asked, "Is she going to be alright?" She started to answer, but the heart and sat monitor alarms went off and she let the door fall closed behind her as she ran to the warmer. This baby couldn't die, Helena couldn't lose her again...the doctor and respiratory therapist came running and she started chest compressions as resuscitation meds were pushed into the IV lines. The alarms continued as the heart rate drew a straight line across the screen. A noise came from behind her and she turned to see Helena pounding her hands on the glass until fine cracks appeared. She continued to hit the window as the glass began to pierce her hands and blood began to drip down the window. Oh, Helena, I can't help you...I can't save anybody anymore...I can't...

Drip, drip,drip...the blood began to pound against the window as one of the nurses wiped the sweat from her face with a wet rag...geez, ring it out...Brenna pushed Zoe away as she came awake sweating, a headache pounding. A storm had blown in and wind drove the rain against the glass like needles. Oh, God. Brenna stumbled downstairs for some aspirin and grabbed a clean t-shirt off the dryer, hurriedly exchanging it for the damp one she had on. Nails clicked on the kitchen floor; Zoe had followed her downstairs. Brenna ruffled her soft fur and made her way back upstairs to burrow down in her blankets, head covered. She wouldn't think about the dream now, wouldn't think about anything...lights out.

Chapter 38

Late morning sunshine was filtering through the guestroom door into Brenna's doorway when she finally awoke hours later. Only a trace of the headache lingered, thanks to the aspirin. She found herself wanting to stay in bed, but was well acquainted enough with depression to know it when it came to call. She allowed herself a few more minutes of burrowing and then forced herself out of bed.

After breakfast, Brenna looked outside to see the weather had greatly improved. Unfortunately, that meant she'd better do her usual beach run, one of the few real depression-kickers she had and something she really didn't want to do today. She made herself get dressed, whistled for Zoe who was bouncily not depressed in the least, and took off for the beach.

The sand was damp and solid from the night of rain, but the sky was nearly clear with just a few fluffy clouds floating here and there. Brenna took a deep breath of the salt air, more healing than any anti-depressant she'd ever tried. They ran down to the surf's edge and then south, Zoe dashing in and out of the cold water. Brenna ran farther than usual, pushing herself a little more to clear her mind, thinking of only one foot after the other. Turning to run north, she decided to call Molly about the coming weekend and then maybe go see Julie about her baby shower.

On returning home, before she could lose her momentum, she flopped down in the parlor chair and called Molly. The answering machine came on with its usual sarcastic message and when Brenna spoke into the phone, Molly didn't pick up. She must have gone somewhere before work, oh well. Brenna left the message about dinner with Tony, knowing full well Molly would return the call as soon as she checked the machine.

After a hot shower, Brenna popped a bagel in the toaster. Zoe kept an eye on it for her while she threw some laundry in the wash, woofing gently when it popped up.

"I guess you think you deserve some of this for being a watchdog, huh?"

Zoe eyed the bagel hopefully as Brenna ate it all down to the very last bite...which she then tossed to Zoe who caught it neatly.

"Now why can't you catch a frisbee like that?"

Brenna went out to the shed to get her rose shears and cut some roses for Julie, which she wrapped in wax paper. Watch, she'll have a whole rose garden of her own. Oh well, then I'll leave them outside. She grabbed a leash to hitch Zoe up at Julie's house and after whistling for her, set off down the gravel road.

The weather had turned warm enough that Brenna soon wished she had worn shorts. The breeze had a true hint of summer for the first time, the scent of woods and undergrowth warmed by the sun. Zoe was soon panting and occasionally sidetracked to drink puddle water left over from the night's rainstorm.

A mile of walking found them at Gary and Julie's home. It was a small Tudor cottage with a split-rail fence and no roses in sight. Brenna put the handle of Zoe's lead over a fence post, thankful for a large bush to cast shade over her.

Hoping Julie wasn't sleeping, she knocked quietly on the door. She glanced back at Zoe to see the big dog panting.

"Can I help you?"

Brenna swung around to find herself greeted by one of the loveliest women she'd ever seen.

"Hi, I just stopped by to see how Julie is doing." She held out her hand. "I'm Brenna, from down the road."

The woman shook her hand, looking her up and down as she did so. "Come on in. I'm Adena Jenkins. I'm here to help Julie out for awhile."

Brenna's mind registered nothing after the name 'Adena'. That was the name of Adam's fiancee. Ex-fiancee. They were all from Eugene. How many Adenas could there be? Brenna followed her into the living room. Adena was fine-boned with the pale skin of one who's wise enough to stay out of the sun, straight dark hair cut to swing just above her shoulders, and dark eyes. Exotic appearance, French maybe? Italian? What the hell did it matter? She was beautiful. Brenna liked to think she had a healthy sense of self-esteem, but that had more to do with what she was capable of than because of her appearance. Of course appearance was not the most important...but gimme a break...

All this flashed through Brenna's mind as she sat down on the flowered loveseat across from Julie, who lay on a matching couch on her left side, her growing stomach supported by cushions. She was a little too puffy for Brenna's liking.

"I just came to see how you're doing."

"I'm bored to death!" Julie exclaimed.

Adena laughed. "Oh, that's the thanks I get. Who runs and gets you movies and books at the drop of a hat?"

"I appreciate you, you know that." Julie smiled easily at her friend. It was obvious from their banter they were good friends...like her and Molly.

Adena held out her hand. "Shall I put those in water?"

Brenna looked down at the roses clutched in her hand, the wax paper now wrinkled and limp. She handed them over with a faintly embarrassed smile, but felt a little better when Julie thanked her effusively for thinking of her. Felt better that is until Adena placed them in a simple vase next to a professional arrangement of lilies and tulips. Brenna swallowed a sigh.

She turned to Julie and cleared her throat. "Well, Wendy and I wanted to throw you a baby shower and weren't sure if you wanted it before or after the baby comes. I was going to have it at my house, but it doesn't sound like you're up for that."

Julie made a wry face. "This punkin keeps trying to come early so now I'm on bedrest and I have to take this drug that makes me feel funny, Ter...Terbu..."

"Terbutaline." Adena and Brenna finished her sentence at the same time.

Julie looked curiously at Brenna.

"I had a friend in early labor," Brenna said by way of explanation. "Anyway, I didn't know if you wanted to have the shower here since you can't get up much or if you wanted to wait."

Julie's face lit up. "I'd love to have it here. We haven't been able to get ready for the baby. That's been one of the biggest disappointments, not being able to go pick out blankets and gowns, a car seat, bath towels, almost everything,"

"Why don't you make up a list of what you need and have Gary drop it off with the mail? I'll get together with Wendy and we'll see what we can do. Oh, and a list of people to invite. I'd better get going. It's hotter for my dog than I thought it would be."

Adena looked out of the lead-paned window to where Zoe lay in the shade. "Is that the dog you ran over and adopted?"

She knows who I am, Brenna realized. She looked over at Adena, standing with her arms crossed, a cool look on her face. She's pretending to be civil, but she knows. I'm no threat to her; why does she look pissed?

"Yes, as a matter of fact, she is." Brenna wasn't inclined to offer any more explanation and rose from her seat. She needed to get out and now.

"Thanks for coming. I'll give the list to Gary," Julie said.

"Oh, you're welcome. I'll see you later."

Brenna made her way out to the fence post, a tight feeling in her chest, feeling as if she were in shock...the way she'd felt ever since the woman had introduced herself.

She released Zoe from her leash and they set off down the gravel road. Brenna glanced back once to see Adena standing on the porch, looking after her.

She was able to make it around the bend in the road before tears started to fall. What a fool. Why was she so taken with Adam? How had she let that happen? And now Adena was here and by the look on her face, Brenna had a feeling she was going to try to get Adam back. Zoe nosed her hand anxiously as she cried the rest of the way home, alternately grieving the threat to her relationship with Adam and kicking herself for letting her feelings get out of hand.

Brenna unlocked the back door and Zoe ran straight for her water dish. The light on the answering machine was blinking, two calls.

"Hi, got your message. I've got to leave for work right now, but yes, I want to go to dinner with Tony; did you have to ask? See, I told you there were more eligible firemen in that town. Love ya, bye." Oh, great, she'd forgotten all about the dinner. How was she supposed to pull that off now? Or would Adam even want to take her if he found out Adena was in town?

"Hi, I guess I missed you. I ended up getting today off so call me if you want to go running or anything. I'll talk to you later." Was it her imagination or did he sound slightly disappointed? Would he be so disappointed if she let it slip in conversation that Adena was here? Or if she out and out called him and asked him if it mattered?

She pulled her feet up under her on the old velvet chair and wiped her eyes, done crying for now anyway. The phone rang suddenly, startling her. She let it ring until the answering machine picked up. There was no one in the world she wanted to talk to except Molly and she had gone to work.

"Guess you're still out. Max and I are going out to Jake and Ruth's tonight and were wondering if you and Zoe wanted to go. If you get this before 5:00, give me a call. Bye." Yes, he sounded a little disappointed. But the way he talked, he made it sound as if their dogs were their main thing in common. Well, she guessed that was being too sensitive. She didn't know what she thought anymore.

Getting to her feet, her shirt damp with sweat from the long walk, she ran another bath and tossed in several bath beads. While the steaming water filled the tub, she swallowed some aspirin and broke open a box of doughnuts, filling a china plate with them. After setting the plate and a book in the brass rack across her tub, she sat in the silky scented water and stared at the wall until perspiration mingled with the tears on her cheeks.

By the time the water cooled, Brenna had come to the conclusion that this situation needed to be resolved. Her life was too important to be sitting here weeping over 'what ifs'.

After putting away her untouched doughnuts, she sat down beside the phone.

"Hello?"

She found it hard to open her mouth now that she'd called him.

"Anyone there?" Adam sounded exasperated.

Brenna cleared her throat. "It's just me."

"Oh, hi you." The relief in his voice was evident. "Did you get my messages?"

"Yes, I did."

"Do you want to go with me tonight? Don't feel you have too; I know it's short notice."

Brenna sighed. "Well, I just think there's something we should talk about first." She paused while Adam waited in silence. "Did you know Adena's in town?"

More silence.

"I met her at Julie's."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I guess I didn't think it would really matter. I've been trying to ignore her." He managed to sound embarrassed and grim at the same time.

"Adam, you know I have feelings for you. How can you think it wouldn't matter?"

"I don't know. She's not a threat to you or anything..."

"Adam, she's beautiful!" To her chagrin, Brenna's voice cracked.

"Brenna, she's like a Barbie doll. She doesn't have any substance to her. She's gotten by on her looks all of her life and well, basically, she's a possessive bitch."

Brenna finally had to laugh. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."

"Hey, I call it as I see it. And I know I'm happy when I'm with you. Okay?"

She smiled with relief. "Okay."

"Now, back to the matter at hand. Dinner?"

"We'll be waiting with bells on."

Chapter 39

Tuesday morning, Brenna finally sat down and made an appointment with Dr. Black. Adam and Ruth had convinced her to have her headaches looked into again. If nothing else, there might be a new medication on the market that could help her.

At 3:00 that afternoon, she made her way downtown to the large white Victorian house on the corner near the library. Dr. Black had his office in a room downstairs in the front of his house and had practiced out of it for the last forty years. Brenna was relieved to discover his age didn't mean he was behind the times where modern medicine was concerned.

After spending half an hour with her, Dr. Black agreed the headaches were stress-related. Brenna had passed her neurological exam and vision test with flying colors. Discussing her life stress and her nightmares took longer than her physical exam. She told him she'd already tried several anti-depressants to which she had various nasty side effects, and didn't want to try any more. He sighed and finally prescribed a migraine medication to be used with the worst of the headaches, but also encouraged her to find a therapist in Port Evan so she could talk through her problems and learn more holistic methods of dealing with grief and stress. Brenna left feeling someone had finally heard her even if he didn't have a magic pill to fix everything. She had to confess, she had fudged a little on sharing her nightmares. The stuff about Helena was a little too bizarre. It was one thing to be considered troubled, another to be considered off her rocker.

Chapter 40

Brenna made it all the way to Friday morning without any nightmares or headaches and had just returned from her morning run when she heard a knock on the front door. Frowning, she grabbed a kitchen towel to wipe off her face and neck and went to see what stranger could be at the wrong door.

Her face and heart froze when she saw Adena standing on the front porch, looking around her with a slight expression of distaste. It was that very look on the other woman's face that jumpstarted her heart and loosed her temper. How dare she stand uninvited on her front porch with that look on her face? Brenna tapped on the window and motioned to Adena to come around to the back.

Brenna walked to the kitchen door and on opening it, stood in the doorway. She saw no reason to invite the woman in. Surely this wasn't a social call.

"Can I help you?"

"I just stopped by to drop off Julie's shower lists. You haven't had much time for renovations yet, I see."

"On the contrary, I've been working on the interior since I moved in." Brenna smiled stiffly.

"As I recall, there was a lot to be done. Adam and I looked at this house when we were house-hunting, but I didn't want to have to do so much remodeling right after getting married. I really thought his interest was mainly sentimental since his grandmother used to live next door."

Brenna didn't register much of anything after that second sentence containing the words 'house-hunting' and 'married'. She took the lists held out in Adena's perfectly manicured hand, noting as she did that her own hands could use some attention. Painting and gardening had left their marks.

"Thank you." Brenna closed the door in Adena's face. She stood there leaning on the back door for awhile until her thought processes were functioning again. Zoe nosed at her hand, confused. Putting the lists aside on the counter, she poured a glass of wine. Maybe not the most nutritious lunch, but there was an exception to every rule. She took the glass outside and sat in her chair in the sun, face up and eyes closed. Don't let her get to you. She's just trying to get Adam back and he's made it clear it's not going to happen. Then why were tears finding their way from behind her closed eyelids as she began to sniffle? Because she was not the ice queen here, that's why. Her tears dried in the sun as she drank her wine in the silence of the warm noontime, broken only by the hum of insects and an occasional birdcall.

A while later, Brenna was awakened by the sound of a familiar engine pulling into the drive, music blaring. Good grief, she'd fallen asleep in the sun. That's what she got for drinking wine for lunch. She wrinkled up her face to check for sunburn, but it felt okay. She hauled herself out of the chair as Molly came around the side of the house, her hands full of shopping bags. She dropped them and gave Brenna a big hug.

Then simultaneously, "Man, am I glad to see you."

Later in the afternoon, their voices slightly hoarse from catching up on all the latest news, they relaxed in the cool shaded parlor. Brenna curled up with a leg over one arm of her rocker while Molly stretched out on the carpet, inviting kitties to lie on her. Madeline stalked up her back and began kneading her shoulders.

Molly had been suitably appalled by the appearance of Adena and by her behavior, and was more than ready to give her a piece of her mind.

"That bitch, where does she get off? Adam obviously doesn't want her. I don't know him really well yet, but he doesn't strike me as the kind of man who puts up with women jerking him around."

Brenna smiled. "No, he's not. It's just that my feelings are stronger than I wanted them to be and on top of that, she's beautiful. In an ice princess sort of way."

"Then she doesn't have a chance because you, my dear, are the real McCoy."

Chapter 41

The Saturday morning shopping trip was a great success. The morning mist burned off to reveal sun breaks casting shadowed patterns over Port Evan as Brenna and Molly went from store to store. Molly found a strapless emerald dress with a bolero jacket and bought some black heels to wear with it. Brenna fell in love with a wine crepe satin dress with short sleeves and a scooped neckline. After she held it up in front of a mirror for ten minutes trying to decide if the color was too 'out of season', Molly grabbed it out of her hands and pushed her toward the shoe department. Feeling braver, Brenna splurged on matching heels and hairclips sporting burgundy crystal flowers. Finally, they loaded elegant shopping bags into the back of the Blazer and ordered Italian sodas for the road.

Brenna had told Adam she and Molly would meet the men at the restaurant. That evening, beautiful and smelling faintly of flowery perfume, they drove to 'Ivan's'. Brenna played with the edge of her dress while Molly tapped her fingers on the steering wheel in time to the radio.

Brenna scowled at her. "How can you be so calm when you've never been out with this guy before?"

Molly laughed. "How can you be so nervous when you _have_ been out with this guy before? Besides, Tony wouldn't have asked me to dinner if he didn't want to even if Adam did give him some encouragement." She wheeled abruptly into the parking lot. The lot was nearly full, the fire engine and ambulance parked by the entrance in case the department received a call.

Adam and Tony were waiting inside close to the door and after complimenting the women profusely, showed them to a table they'd reserved near the dance floor. Brenna smiled as she looked over at the polished hardwood floor and remembered dancing in Adam's arms.

Tony seemed to have lost whatever composure he'd gained, but was quick to pull out Molly's chair for her. She thanked him and gestured to the chair next to hers, determined to put this man at ease if it took all evening. Adam smiled at them as he held Brenna's chair and caught her eye.

"If anyone can make him feel more comfortable, it's Molly," she told him under her breath. Adam nodded.

Brenna looked around the room, surprised at how many people she recognized after living in Seacliff such a short time. Jim and Cece were a few tables away and smiled and waved. Mel and a man Brenna assumed was her husband were sitting with her brother Bob and his wife. Brenna turned in the other direction and saw Wendy and Vince sitting behind them. Wendy looked lovely and older than nineteen in a blue velvet dress with her hair up in a cascade of curls. Vince's arm was wrapped closely around her as he talked to the couple across their table.

Ivan's food was excellent as usual and the wine even better. They were nearly finished dinner when Brenna's stomach knotted as she noticed Adena wending her way through the dinner tables toward them...toward Adam. Suddenly, her dress seemed too flashy and her hair ornaments juvenile as she took in Adena's reserved 'little black dress' and the choker of pearls around her neck.

Molly noticed Brenna's expression and turned to look behind her. "Adena?" she mouthed.

Brenna barely nodded, but Adam noticed and looked up.

"You, know," Molly said in a low voice, "there's a reason they call those things chokers."

Brenna smiled despite herself and heard Tony laugh under his breath. Her smile faded though when she noticed Adam's grim expression.

"Adam, I saw you over here and just wanted to say hi."

Something suddenly sounded familiar about her voice as she spoke his name...the answering machine at Adam's trailer. Adena had been trying to get ahold of him even then.

He looked up at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a guest of Ivan's. When he found out I was in town, he made sure I was coming to the dinner."

"Right, Adena. We're busy eating now. The awards ceremony will start soon."

She tried to hide the anger and hurt that flitted across her face and with a semblance of dignity said, "Well, it was nice to see you, Adam, Tony." Then, pointedly ignoring the women, she turned and made her way back to her own table.

Adam shook his head. "More like, she announced her presence in town in such a manner Ivan felt he had to invite her."

Brenna looked after her. "Does she have any redeeming qualities?"

He frowned. "I can't remember offhand."

"She is taking care of Julie; I guess that's something."

Molly reached over and patted her hand. "You are too generous, my dear. Did you tell him about her little visit?"

Adam looked at Brenna. "What visit?"

"It was nothing much. She just dropped off Julie's shower lists."

"Come on, Bren." Molly shook her fork at her.

"Okay, so she mentioned something about house-hunting when you were engaged and how you two looked at my house."

Adam snorted. "What? She wouldn't even go inside; she thought it was tacky. And we weren't engaged anymore by then anyway. I was looking for a place for myself."

Molly shook her head. "What a piece of work."

Brenna looked at the food growing cold on her plate and realized her appetite was gone. "Could you pour me some more wine, please?" she asked Adam.

He complied quickly. "Aren't you going to finish eating?"

She smiled. "I'm not very hungry this evening."

"Bull," Molly said. "Don't let her ruin this nice dinner, she's nothing. You are ten times the woman she is. Or more."

"That's right," Adam agreed, "and I should have been the one to point that out. By the way, did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?"

Brenna was embarrassed to find her eyes growing moist at his warm words and she blinked quickly. "Yes, you did."

Molly held up her wine glass. "To a great evening."

Four wine glasses clinked gently in agreement.

The awards ceremony didn't last very long, but was obviously meaningful to the firemen and EMTs. Adam received an award for assisting in saving an elderly man who had had a heart attack and had no pulse or respirations when the ambulance arrived at his house. The man was there in person to present the awards and to thank them. Brenna smiled widely and clapped hard for him, tears in her eyes. She couldn't help but wonder what it must be like to hear a patient thank you for saving them.

After the ceremony, Ivan opened the dance floor. Adam held his hand out to Brenna and she gave him her's, but glanced back at Molly. Reassured when Molly made a shooing motion, she left them alone at the table.

The band played slow oldies, music by the Righteous Brothers and others. Brenna wasn't surprised to feel more at ease in Adam's arms, but was overwhelmed at the rush of emotion she felt. Her heart seemed to beat faster as he held her closely, one arm around her and one hand holding hers to his shoulder. As she breathed in his musky aftershave and his own indelible scent, she knew she had fallen in love with this man. A small part of her felt despair as she had not intended to fall in love with anyone at all, but she finally decided to let that fall by the wayside before the far greater power of her affection. Adam kissed her cheek and held her closer, and she smiled at the certainty in her heart that her feelings were returned.

They danced through several more songs before noticing Tony and Molly had joined them on the dance floor. Although Tony was considerably taller than Molly, they danced well together, finding a rhythm of their own that suited them. Brenna smiled; Molly noticed and returned it widely, winking one eye.

At the end of the evening, Molly made her way over to Brenna who had slipped her shoes off and was wiggling her toes.

"Is it okay with you if Tony takes me home in the Honda and we meet you guys there?" Molly asked her.

"Ye-es! I take it you're hitting it off?"

"Actually, when we're alone he loosens up a little more. We've been sharing war stories, life stories, you know..."

"Great, get outta here. We'll see you later."

Before leaving the building, Adam took off his suit jacket and put it around Brenna's shoulders. They opened the door onto a clear dark sky with stars shining brightly. The parking lot was nearly empty and the evening was quiet, the sound of the surf magnified in the night air.

They hurried to the truck and he opened the door and helped her up into the cab. Hopping in the other side, he quickly turned the engine on and the heat up. Then he turned to Brenna.

"I've been wanting to do this all evening."

"All evening?" she smiled, wondering what he meant.

"Since you walked through the door." He put his hands on each side of her face and kissed her soundly. He leaned back to see her expression and she smiled, put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him close again.

Some time later, Adam looked up to notice all the truck windows had fogged over. He started laughing. "I haven't fogged up a truck since I was in high school."

Turning on the defroster, he said, "I guess I should take you home some time tonight."

"I guess so," she said regretfully Her lips felt slightly swollen and whisker-burned, feelings she had nearly forgotten.

Adam wiped off the truck windows and they put on their seat belts.

Suddenly his pager went off, startling Brenna.

"501, 504. One car accident, report of vehicle in a ditch, 300 block Laurel Road. Two victims reported trapped inside, unknown injuries. 501, 504..."

Chapter 42

The pager repeated its message as Adam threw the truck into gear and sped out of the parking lot.

"Is Laurel Road nearby?"

"It's a couple miles into the woods north of here. Wendy lives on that road."

Oh, my god, two victims. Please, God, not Vince and Wendy. Brenna realized ironically she had started praying for her friends' safety lately. Did she really believe she would be answered? Adam was still here after the trailer fire last week.

The truck raced north for another mile or so before Adam took a right on a two-lane road with a small signpost. Brenna held onto the door as Adam spun around corners with calculated speed.

About a mile into the woods, a ravine began to fall away from the road on Brenna's side of the truck. Her stomach knotted as the ravine deepened.

"How deep does this ravine get?"

Adam glanced over. "That's about the deepest. They could have gone off this side though and just be in the dirt."

The road turned into gravel and a little farther on they saw flashers from a car in the middle of the road. Brenna had been hoping maybe it had been Vince who called in the accident, but she had seen him in his pickup before and this was a small car.

As Adam pulled over to the left side of the road, flashers on, a man ran toward him from the right.

"There's two people trapped down there; they can't get out!"

"Are they conscious?" Adam reached into his toolbox and pulled out his jump kit.

"The guy is out cold, but the girl's mumbling."

Brenna got out and put her arms into the sleeves of the suit jacket as Adam reached under her seat and pulled out two large flashlights. He handed one to the man and they set off down the embankment together. Brenna stood on the side of the road, tears filling her eyes as the lights picked out a familiar green truck bed. The truck had left the road and collided with a tree about ten feet down, the right front corner smashed into the large spruce. All was quiet, too quiet, as Adam assessed the situation. He keyed his radio, giving an update to Medical Control, and then called up to Brenna.

"Honey, I have some boots in the tool box. Do you think you could see if they fit you well enough so you can come help?"

She returned to the truck, his use of the endearment 'honey' filed away for now. Pulling out a pair of work boots, she threw her heels in the cab and laced the boots up as tightly as she could. A momentary thought flashed through her mind; so this too was emergency medicine, out in the middle of the night in an evening dress, man's suit jacket, and workboots. She hurried back across the road.

"Adam, could I have some light?"

The other man lit her way down the embankment while Adam reached through Vince's broken window and examined him.

"Okay, unconscious and getting a bit shocky, but his pupils are okay and I don't see any other major injuries. Judging from the star in the windshield, he didn't have his seatbelt on, the idiot."

"What about Wendy?" Brenna asked anxiously.

"I can't get to her side of the truck because of the tree and bushes, and I'm too big to get behind the truck seat. Do you think..."

She interrupted him. "Just tell me what to do." Fresh tears came to her eyes as she heard Wendy moan, but she brushed them away; she had to pull herself together so she could help them.

Adam handed her a pair of blue vinyl gloves and then helped her up into the cab. She squeezed behind the seatback, grateful that Vince didn't carry a bunch of junk behind his seat. As Adam shone the flashlight on Wendy, Brenna bit her lip. Wendy still had her seatbelt on, but it hadn't protected her completely. The right side of her face was covered in blood from hitting the side window, now shattered. The engine compartment had been shoved into the passenger compartment on her side and it looked as though her legs were pinned.

"Tell me what you see," Adam requested.

Brenna told him Wendy's obvious injuries and he had her reach over the seatback to feel her chest and stomach. Her ribs and collarbones felt intact and Brenna breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, give me her pulse and respirations, then I'll tell you what to do."

Brenna reached over and picked up Wendy's left wrist as she mumbled and turned her head.

"Don't let her move her head! What do you have?"

"Pulse 110, respirations 24. Pulse is a little thready."

"You got a radial pulse so her BP's okay for now. Okay, position yourself behind her head. I want you to hold her head straight so she can't move it in case she injured her neck. Get comfortable, you'll be there until we get her out."

Brenna positioned herself behind Wendy and put her hands on the sides of her head as Adam instructed. By this time, she could see flashing red and blue lights reflecting off the fragmented windshield in front of her.

"Adam, she's still bleeding pretty good. Should I put something on her head?"

He had just finished showing the bystander, a neighbor of Wendy's, how to hold Vince's head from the front and now he knelt down and rummaged through his kit. Pulling out a large dressing, he unwrapped it and passed it over to Brenna. She took her left hand off Wendy long enough to grab it and then pressed it against the right side of her head.

Wendy began to mumble some more and started trying to move.

"No, honey, sit still. It's me, Brenna. You'll be fine, just sit here with me." She continued to talk to the confused girl who was becoming more agitated.

Only a short time had passed, but it seemed like forever when she heard more sirens coming up the road. Thank God.

While the crew worked their way down the embankment, Adam rechecked Vince's pupils. "Oh, shit. The right one looks sluggish. Guys, let's scoop and run with Vince. We're going to have to cut Wendy out."

The EMTs were shocked into silence as they realized they'd come to rescue their own people and then redoubled their efforts, shouting commands and passing equipment back and forth. A backboard was sent down for Vince along with several men and Adam carefully put a C-collar around his neck. The men worked as a team and turned Vince, strapped him onto the board and taped his head down.

As they carried him up the embankment, Adam returned to the truck and climbed up in Vince's seat to examine Wendy. Brenna shifted her weight, being careful not to move Wendy's head, but trying to change the pressure on her knees. Oh, well. Though the night air was chilly, her hands were wet inside her gloves and a trickle of sweat ran down her back.

Adam quickly examined Wendy from head to toe. Head to knees, that is, as he couldn't reach past the dash wrapped around her lower legs. He agreed with the injuries Brenna had found and noted that her pupils, at least, were remaining normal. Her pulse was going up though and was definitely thready, a sign of shock. Reaching over the back of the seat, he wiped the tears from Brenna's face and she tried to smile.

The roar of a chainsaw rent the night as a fireman worked his way through the brush to the front of the truck. The door was too crushed to open, but they brought down the Jaws of Life and very quickly popped it free. Wendy had jerked at the noise of the machinery, but was now quiet. With the door gone, they worked on pulling the dash away from her knees as the second ambulance came racing up. Jim brought down another backboard and had tears in his eyes as he put a C-collar around her neck, instructing Brenna to hold her head until someone told her to let go. She nodded, new tears running down her cheeks as she smelled the fresh scent of shampoo in Wendy's carefully styled curls and saw Jim working to keep himself under control.

The firemen brought down another backboard and slid it a little way under Wendy's right hip. The scene was more brightly lit with the spotlights from the ambulance and Wendy's face was pale.

Adam looked at Brenna. "Okay, honey, after we turn her body sideways, I want you to let me take over her head. Guys, I'm going to count; on three, we swing her legs around to the door."

Someone held her hips while another EMT bent down and took her lower legs, slippery with blood soaking her torn nylons.

"One, two, three." Wendy's body turned in one motion, legs now on the backboard, Brenna's hands following to keep her neck in line.

"Okay, take your hands away as I take over." Brenna moved her hands in time with Adam's and when he had Wendy's head securely between his hands, she leaned back in the cab and, looking at the blood on her right glove, black in the darkness, let herself cry.

Looking up, she realized the EMT who moved Wendy's legs was Tony, his long arms and hands sure and steady as Adam counted again and they slid Wendy down onto the board. The rescue crew worked swiftly, securing her to the board and carefully carrying her up the muddy embankment. Adam helped Brenna out of the truck and they scrambled up behind the crew, Brenna occasionally slipping and Adam reaching over to help her up. She looked around for Molly when she finally reached the road and Molly came running up to hug her.

"You're a mess! Are you okay?"

Brenna looked down at her ripped nylons and muddy boots. She stripped the gloves from her hands inside out; a maneuver so familiar, she did it without thinking. "I'm fine." Tears welled yet again. "Molly, it's Wendy."

"I know, honey." Molly hugged her.

Adam climbed in the back of the ambulance and called, "Brenna, do you want to come?"

"Go ahead. Tony and I will meet you at the hospital later," Molly assured her.

Adam motioned to Brenna to climb in the side door and sit at Wendy's head. As she sat down, Adam handed her new gloves and encouraged her to talk to Wendy as he put a plastic airway in her mouth and Cece put on an oxygen mask. Her breathing was shallow but even as she lay, unconscious again, on the gurney.

"Wendy, it's Brenna. You're going to be fine. Adam and I are here and Vince is already at the hospital." She stroked the pale forehead, dried blood overlying the carefully applied makeup on Wendy's pretty face. She checked the dressing; it was still tightly held by the C-collar and tape and there was no fresh blood. Adam handed her a tiny flashlight.

"Here, check her pupils."

"Equal and reactive," Brenna told him.

"Good." He rechecked her vital signs while Cece repeated the assessment. Adam quickly started the IV and the fluid was running full-bore.

"Adam, I think she's got some fractures here," Cece said, motioning to Wendy's lower legs and ankles.

He grimaced and got up carefully to get cardboard splints as the ambulance turned onto the main highway and was able to pick up speed, sirens wailing.

Wendy's shoes had been left behind in the truck and now Cece taped her legs into the splints. Adam was satisfied with the job and turned to recheck her vital signs again.

Brenna looked up at him. "Adam, she seems more pale to me and is completely out."

"Check her pupils again."

Brenna tried to keep the tension out of her voice as she said, "I think they're changing."

Adam took the flashlight and checked. "The right seems sluggish, a little dilated."

Brenna winced as he rubbed Wendy's sternum briskly. Wendy barely moved her arms in response.

The heart monitor tracing slowed slightly as they raced north. Brenna was stifling in the warm ambulance and removed the jacket.

Adam repeated her blood pressure. "Oh, shit," he said under his breath. Brenna looked up. "Her systolic's going up," he said in a low voice. She couldn't remember offhand what that meant and looked askance at him. He pointed to Wendy's head and Brenna's eyes widened. Not a bleed, she already had so much to deal with; leg fractures, facial lacerations...remembering Vince's condition, Brenna realized he was might be hemorrhaging too. She realized she should've known they had severe head injuries when their pupils changed and knew she herself was being handed more than she could deal with. But she couldn't think of that now. Wendy needed her as well as Adam and Cece, she had to keep it together. Deep breath.

The ambulance swung into the bay at the hospital in Port Evan and the waiting staff pulled the doors open as Cece and Adam hopped out and released the gurney from its lock.

"This is another one of ours," Adam told the nurse. The tension was obvious in his voice as he reported Wendy's injuries and worsening condition. Brenna climbed out and followed them into the emergency room and stood alone at the desk while Adam, Jim and Cece disappeared behind a curtain with Wendy and the staff. She looked down, realizing by the extra weight on her feet that she still had Adam's work boots on. What a sight she must be. Who cared? The only thing that mattered was to hear good news come from behind two curtains.

She turned to the secretary at the desk. "Do you know how Vince is doing?"

"Is that the young man from the same accident? I don't know; he's gone off to have a CT-scan." Brenna nodded. Wendy would probably be right behind him.

Molly came up to her. "Hey, girl, are you alright?" Brenna turned around and hugged her.

"Here, I noticed your change in footwear and got your shoes out of the truck. How's Wendy?"

Brenna gestured at the closed curtain. "She seems to have a pretty serious head injury and broken legs. Oh God, Molly, it was awful seeing her like that."

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Molly checked with the receptionist and led Brenna to the restroom on the far side of the department.

Brenna locked the door and leaned on the sink for a minute. Then she ran her fingers through her tangled hair and washed her face. She looked far older than she had just hours ago. A faint pink whiskerburn showed above her lips, and tears welled in her eyes again as she realized while she was kissing Adam in his truck, Vince and Wendy were lying unconscious in theirs, waiting for someone to help them. She dried her face and wiped away the running mascara. After thankfully removing the heavy boots, she stripped off her torn nylons and washed her legs, then slipped her bare feet into her cold shoes. The tears began to fall again as she remembered waiting on her knees for more help to come. Taking a deep breath, she regained her composure and went back out to wait with Molly and Tony. Molly had gotten her some pop from a machine and she drank it gratefully, thankful for the sugar. She was exhausted and she really hadn't done much at all. They went to sit in the waiting room and watched for Adam.

A little while later, he came out, looking tired and haggard.

Brenna stood up. "How is she?"

"She's gone down for a CT-scan and then they'll x-ray her legs. She's about the same. Her vital signs are more stable at least. Vince is on his way to ICU. He's waking up a little more and the doctor's really hopeful. They said we might as well go home; they won't know more for awhile though they might fly Wendy to Portland."

Tony cleared his throat, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Did someone call their parents?"

"The nurse said the captain did. They'll be here any minute."

"Why don't you guys ride back with us?" Molly asked.

Adam checked in with Jim and Cece who were waiting for the parents to arrive and retrieved his jacket from the ambulance, putting it once more around Brenna's shoulders and swallowing hard as he remembered doing so when they left 'Ivan's'.

At the accident scene, Adam had tossed his keys to Barry who had then driven Adam's truck to the fire department for him. Molly dropped the men off there.

Adam kissed Brenna goodby. "I'm sorry..." He trailed off, not knowing how to salvage the evening.

"It's okay. All we want is for them to be alright."

"I'll call you if I hear anything."

Molly drove to Brenna's house in silence. Unlocking the door, Brenna felt such relief to be home. Zoe came bounding for the door, greeting Brenna enthusiastically and running outside.

Molly smiled. "I know I'm at your house when I trip over animals just trying to go through the door."

Brenna smiled wearily, too tired to reply. After letting Zoe back in, they dragged themselves upstairs. Brenna dropped her clothes where she stood. It wasn't worth the effort to put on pajamas. Sleep came quickly.

She bent over the double bed in their back bedroom. They had chosen to sleep in this room when they moved in because Martin liked to be awakened by the morning sun. As she smoothed the wrinkles from the bedspread, she caught movement from the backyard out of the corner of her eye. Straightening, she leaned back and stretched, then looked out the window. Martin had been mowing the lawn, but now he stood inside the little white fence in front of his daughter's grave. She watched him for a few minutes as he stood there and then walked back to his lawnmower. Smiling sadly, she turned back to finish her bedmaking. After fluffing the pillows and tucking the bedspread under them, she looked around the room. Were they going to sleep in this room forever, the cradle and rocking chair the first things she saw every morning when she opened her eyes? She could never give them away, but it was time for a change. Crossing the hall, she opened the door to her sewing room. A bed was shoved into the corner to make room for her sewing table, and material and quilt pieces were draped everywhere. Walking across the room, she looked out the front window, over the evergreens across the road, all the way out to the sea. Yes, this room would do just fine.

Chapter 43

Brenna slept late the next morning, waking only when Molly pounded on her door.

"Come on, lazybones, I'm hungry."

Scowling, Brenna looked at the alarm clock. Noon, geez. Zoe sat patiently in front of the bedroom door. Brenna curled up and buried her head in her comforter.

"Okay, I'm coming in," Molly announced as she tried to open the bedroom door, pushing Zoe's bulk across the hardwood floor. "You make a good doorstop, dog."

Zoe didn't really care what Molly had to say; she just knew the door had finally opened and she trotted quickly downstairs, nails clicking.

"Are you getting up sometime today?"

"No," Brenna mumbled from under the covers.

"I'll give you a little longer. I'm sure you need your beauty sleep after last night, but then Zoe and I are going to pounce on you and rip your blankets off."

"You'll be sorry, I didn't wear my pajamas."

"Oh. Well, then maybe I'll call Adam over here to get you up."

"Molly!" Brenna popped her head out of the covers at that suggestion.

"Just a thought. I'll give you a little longer, nice person that I am, and I'll go have breakfast with your dog." With that, Molly closed the door and tromped downstairs.

For a brief moment before sleep took over again, Brenna remembered her dream and was surprised she didn't have a headache. But then again, lately real life was more of a nightmare than her dreams.

Molly came and pounced on her bed two hours later. "Okay, girl, I've been very patient. Adam called. Vince is awake, but Wendy was flown to Portland in the night. She's not worse though; it's just that she needs more critical care right now. And don't think I don't know what's going on here; I've seen you depressed before."

"I'm not depressed," Brenna mumbled.

"Right and I'm the Queen of England. Come on, let's go see Vince. I'm sure he needs some cheering up right now."

Hearing that, Brenna was able to clear some of the fog from her mind. "Fine. Get out so I can get dressed, you brat."

Molly grinned. "Flattery will get you everywhere. It might even get you some hot coffee."

That evening, they relaxed in the parlor, drinking hazelnut coffee and eating fresh Rice Krispy squares. Their visit to the hospital had done little to update the news. Vince was awake and wrought with guilt because he had been driving and Wendy remained in a coma. There was mention of doing surgery to relieve some of the pressure on her brain. The CT-scan had picked up a subdural hematoma and her vital signs and response to painful stimuli weren't as good as the doctors had hoped for.

Molly lounged on the velvet sofa, feet up, and stared out the window. At first Brenna, sitting in her rocker as usual, didn't notice and stared into the fire, occupied by her own thoughts. Then she realized something was off and looked up. "Penny for your thoughts."

Molly turned to her and smiled. "Sorry. Just thinking." Silence. Then, "Bren, you ever think about settling down and having children?"

"Well, you know I have. It hasn't seemed to be something you were interested in before." She waited for Molly to continue, but the room remained silent, save for the crackling of the fire and the gentle creak of the rocker.

"Molls? Does this have anything to do with Tony?"

Molly had been staring out the window again and turned back to her. Was there something different in her eyes?

"I just had a really good evening, up until the accident anyway. I mean really good, not because we were out doing something exciting or at a great movie, but because he's a genuinely nice guy. And interesting and intelligent on top of that. Once you get him talking, you forget the time." She smiled. "And he smells really good."

"And where do the children come in?"

"I don't know." Molly looked back out at the darkening sky. "I had a dream last night...Tony and I were visiting you and he was playing with this little boy in the back yard. But the boy looked more like me than you. There was a rope swing over the big branch on the apple tree out there and Tony was swinging him. I remember feeling really happy. Not like when I'm happy now, like when I come to see you or we do really well with a bad delivery. It was a completely content feeling...hard to explain."

"I've felt like that before," Brenna said.

"With Adam?"

"Yes."

"Do you still?" Molly asked.

Brenna looked into the flames and took a minute to answer. "I don't know if I can live with his lifestyle, Molls. I came here to get away from stress, not to bring it into my home. Adam's not stressful himself, quite the opposite, but his fire calls are and he's so committed to the department. I can't ask him to give that up."

"Don't you think you should give him that choice before breaking things off?"

"How could I ask him to choose? I won't do that to him."

Molly shook her head. "Don't underestimate him, Bren. I've seen the way he looks at you."

"And I saw the way he looked meeting that old man last night after saving his life. Would you want me to make you choose between the NICU or me?"

"Well, I can see your point...but you could be talking about the rest of your life here. I think you and Adam deserve each other. You've each had enough grief, especially you. I think the good effects he has on your life are worth the negative. No relationship is perfect."

Brenna had to laugh. "When did you become a marriage counselor?"

Molly smiled. "Tell me I'm not right."

"Okay, you're right. You usually are."

The phone rang.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Molly asked.

"No...you're the only one I want to talk to."

The answering machine picked up. "Brenna, are you there? I just got off work and was going to the hospital. If you get this in the next ten minutes, you can call if you want to go with me." Adam's voice sounded tired.

Molly looked at Brenna as the machine shut off. Big tears were rolling down her cheeks. "Oh, honey..." Molly went over and gave her a hug. "Come on, I think you need to go to bed. I'll go home in the morning."

She had just brought in the mail and was delighted to see a package from her mother. The little baby inside of her rolled and kicked as she sat down in the parlor to open it. Pulling back the wrapping paper, she found a volume of poetry and quotes on motherhood. Delighted, she opened it to the center and took a deep breath of the odor of new bookbinding and paper. Then she went back to the cover and started to read from the beginning. One quote she particularly liked: 'I begin to love this little creature, and to anticipate his birth as a fresh twist to a knot, which I do not wish to untie. Mary Wollstonecraft (1759-1797).' How remarkable that she should identify so closely with the feelings of a mother who herself was born nearly two centuries ago. This child who tumbled busily inside of her was tied to her by a golden thread and always would be. She wouldn't have it any other way. Smiling through a mist of tears, she turned the page. The next quote wasn't quite as cheery, but was as powerful. All the earth, though it were full of kind hearts, is but a desolation and a desert place to a mother when her only child is absent. Elizabeth Gaskell. (1810-1865).' Well, she wouldn't experience that for awhile, not until the child was old enough to go to school and to friends' houses to play. And maybe by then, he or she would have a brother or sister. She wondered how long it would be before their family was too large for this house.

Bang, bang...was someone pounding on the door? Brenna shook herself awake and heard something banging against the house. She could hear wind whistling around the eaves and when she went to the window, she could see in the front porch light a windstorm whipping itself into a frenzy and knew the rain was not far behind.

She went out into the hall and saw Molly standing in her doorway.

"What is that?" Molly asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Probably a shutter or something, I'll go check. You can go back to bed."

In the parlor, Brenna stood at the bottom of the stairs and listened. Oh, the screen door. She trotted across the cold wood floor and opened the back door. As she reached for the screen door, it was nearly ripped out of her hand by the wind, but she managed to pull it closed and latched it. Brrr...

On her way back through the parlor, she poked at the fire and threw another log on. Running back upstairs, she dove into bed, once more shoving Zoe off her warm spot. As she burrowed in and settled down, she remembered her dream. Man, how devastating to have all those dreams shot to hell at once. She said into the dark, "Don't you think I have enough grief of my own without having yours dumped on me?"

She made the rounds of the dining room and parlor with her feather duster, sneezing occasionally. This was the first good housecleaning she'd done since she had gotten back on her feet. The town's people had provided food for her and Martin and had done some laundry, but housecleaning had fallen by the wayside. She guessed people thought she was odd. Maybe they didn't want to stay in her house long enough to help clean.

She came to the bookcase and her feather duster danced among the china pieces and seashells resting in front of the books. As she came to the shelf on which she kept her very favorites, her eyes fell on the volume on motherhood and her heart instantly chilled. For a long moment, she was immobilized and then her hand drew the book from the shelf, seemingly of its own volition. She sat on the couch and flipped through the book. Her eyes first fell on the quote by Gaskell. 'All the earth...is but a desolation...'. She slammed the book closed. Had this mother lost a child? She had thought the verse pertained to a child being around the corner, across town...not absent from this earth. As familiar hot tears welled yet again, she rushed out the back door and threw the book in the trash can, banging the lid closed.

Banging...now what was banging? The door...

Molly hollered through the bedroom door. "Do I have to get you up again, lazybones?"

"Nooo..." Brenna groaned. "I'll get up in a minute."

"Yeah, I've heard that before." Molly tromped down the stairs alone for the second morning in a row.

Soon the smell of coffee drifted up the stairs and through the floor vents and woke Brenna completely.

"Okay, fine." As she sat up, she pressed her hands to her temples. "Ow...time to try the new medicine. Stupid dreams."

Pushing her arms through the sleeves of her robe, she went to look out the window. No wind or rain, but the skies looked threatening and there were branches all over the yard and road. The storm was not through with them yet.

In the warm kitchen, Molly handed her some hot coffee in her favorite rose mug. A stack of pancakes was on the dining room table and they smelled wonderful.

"You've learned to cook much better since I moved away," Brenna noted.

"Had to, matter of survival."

"Bozo. Are you going to head back after breakfast? I don't know how soon the next storm will hit."

"Yeah, but I'll be back before you know it."

Brenna smiled. "Thanks for the warning."

Chapter 44

Thankfully, the new headache medicine worked. An hour later, music was playing on the radio as Brenna listened for weather updates.

She had decided to go all out for Julie's shower, Adena or no Adena. Pulling the heavy silverware box from the sideboard, she opened it up and surveyed the extent of the tarnish. Really not too bad. She took the box into the kitchen and in a short time had the silver gleaming, thanks to the new liquid silver polish. It must have been terrible to sit and polish all these pieces years ago. After returning the silver to its box, she looked outside. No rain yet.

After lunch, Brenna curled up in her rocker in front of the fire and worked on finishing Julie's baby afghan. She had to admit it was a pretty pattern, the mint green shells interlocking. As her hook dove in and out of the design, her mind wandered. It eventually came to Adam. How could it not?

This was one problem her mind had not resolved during the night. How could it, she thought wryly. All she had dreamed about was Helena. Adam. Her heart still loved him, but some part of her balked at the volunteer work he loved. Feeling like a blubbering idiot, she wept over her handiwork, blinking tears out of the way to see her stitches better. Good Lord, she was behaving like Helena, sitting and crying over her needlework. She sniffed and wiped the tears away. Enough. She would not repeat Helena's past in this house. This was supposed to be a happy house. Still, her mind wound round and round her relationship with Adam, coming to no conclusion.

Finally, Brenna shoved the afghan back in the basket and went to look out the window. The weatherman was now reporting that the storm would hold off until tonight. She should go see Helena. The rest home was unprotected from the wind. She wondered if it had been hit harder than her house.

After pulling her raincoat on over her sweater and jeans, she put on her hiking boots, picked up Olivia and told Zoe to stay put.

The air was fresh and calm as she deposited the cat in the Blazer, then went down the driveway and picked up the debris. She still had to drive over a fair amount of small branches before she reached the highway and was thankful she had traded in the Miata. Road crews had cleared the larger branches and they were piled here and there on the sides of the road.

Pulling into the rest home's lot, Brenna noticed they had taken in the hanging baskets and the chairs. The lawn looked like everyone else's, with branches strewn everywhere. The clay tiles on the roof had weathered this storm well.

No one was at the desk as she came in so she made straight for Helena's room. Brenna stopped at the door to see if she was sleeping, but Helena saw her from her bed and waved her in.

IV tubing hung from a pole at Helena's bedside, dripping fluid and antibiotics into her thin arm.

"What's this?" Brenna asked her, worried.

"Oh, just a touch of pneumonia. Sit down and tell me how you are."

Brenna opened her coat and deposited the tiger cat on Helena's lap.

"Olivia!" The cat turned round and round as usual and settled down. Helena stroked her with a thin hand. Too thin, Brenna thought.

"Thank you so much for bringing her to visit." Helena leaned her head back against her pillow.

Brenna had folded Helena's new shawl into her purse and now pulled it out to lay it across Helena's legs. "Here's the shawl I brought you from Portland."

"It's beautiful, dear. Thank you." Helena ran her hand over the soft folds. "How is Adam doing?"

"Just fine. We went to the fire dinner last night. He's a good friend." Even as Brenna spoke the words, she knew they weren't honest. Her feelings for him had not been limited to friendship...but they might need to be in the future.

Helena looked at her searchingly. "I had hoped you would be seeing each other." She smiled. "The older I get, the less tactful I seem to be."

"I just don't know how compatible we are. Every time his pager goes off, I feel sick. It stirs up old memories of nursing."

"I can see where you would need some time to recover from your past. That's only normal. Life can strike devastating blows. But what keeps coming to me is how much Margaret would've liked you."

Those words pierced through to Brenna's heart. She shook her head. "Sometimes the problems are too great. Mere feelings can't always overcome them."

Helena interrupted her. "The smallest measure of love is important. Don't cast it aside so easily."

"But I can't live with his lifestyle. I came to the beach to get away from medicine and here I am, up to my ears in it because of him."

"When I was trying to decide whether to marry Martin, my mother said something to me I have never forgotten. The question is not 'can I live with him' but rather 'can I live without him'." Helena smiled. "I often thought of that when I was exasperated with Martin for one reason or another. It clarified many things." She was becoming short of breath.

"Helena, I should let you rest. Do you want me to put your shawl away?"

"Oh no, dear. It feels nice and warm on my legs. Thank you so much."

Brenna smiled, tucked Olivia back into her coat, and kissed Helena on the forehead. "Get better. We'll be back soon."

Chapter 45

As she pulled into the driveway, Brenna noticed the wind was picking up. She put Olivia under her jacket again and ran for the door. Zoe came running to sniff the strange scents on the cat and Olivia finally batted at her in exasperation.

Brenna ran a hand through her tangled hair and went to check the answering machine. One message from Adam, concerned whether or not she and the house had weathered the storm okay. Geez, she hadn't even thought to look around the house and at the roof. Some homeowner she was. She could be missing shingles off the roof and the next storm could cause a leak in the attic.

Zipping up her raincoat, she went back outside, pulling on her hood as the wind grabbed at her hair. The fir trees around the house and across the road swayed back and forth, being blown with such force she didn't know how they remained standing. It looked to her as if the coming storm might hit a little sooner than the weatherman expected as it wasn't evening quite yet.

The back and north sides of the house were fine. In front, the tulips were blown to shreds and the roses over the door had taken a beating, but were hanging in there. The fence seemed to be leaning a little more, but she had to fix that anyway. The south side was okay too; no shingles lost to the last storm.

As Brenna made her way around to the back, she heard the rumble of a familiar engine and was surprised to feel her heart leap instead of fall. Before her visit to Helena, the thought of Adam filled her with such conflicting emotions that, combined, they nearly felt like dread. But sometime between her visit and now, something inside of her had shifted and now she felt as if she was standing in a secure place, as if on a large rock in the middle of a rushing river. Life might be tumultuous around her, but she could depend on Adam.

She ran around the side of the house, her hood falling back and hair whipping in the wind, and threw her arms around Adam.

"Whoa! This is the kind of reception I like."

"What are you doing here?"

"When I couldn't get ahold of you, I got kind of worried, with the storm and all, and thought I'd better check on you." Adam smoothed her hair back, a useless gesture as the wind continued to gust around them.

Brenna smiled. "What, you think I can't weather a little storm on my own?"

"Now, I didn't say that. I just wanted to double check."

She shivered. "I'm just giving you a bad time. Let's get inside before we end up in Kansas."

Adam had brought Max as usual and the two dogs were delighted to see each other. Brenna had to shoo them out of her small kitchen so Adam would have room to sit down and unlace his boots. She regarded the boots silently for a moment, the same boots she had worn at the accident.

"Any update on Vince and Wendy?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Should have told you first off. They discharged Vince as long as he promised to stay with Jim and Cece for a few days, and of course he went straight to Portland. Wendy's doing better. The hematoma seems to be resolving itself. She's not quite with it yet, but it's improvement. They haven't ruled out surgery though because there's still too much pressure on her brain."

Brenna put her hand to her chest in relief. She felt as if she'd been holding her breath since the accident and now could relax a little. "What about her legs?"

"All I heard is they've pinned them. I don't know how bad the fractures are exactly. I tried calling ICU, but they're only giving out information to family and of course all of her family is there." Adam frowned in frustration, but then shrugged his shoulders. "At least the grapevine only has positive news. I don't think Vince could live without her. It's my guess they'll end up getting married as soon as she's well. They were already trying to decide on a date."

Brenna nodded. "I think you're right." She sat down and pulled a bowl of fruit across the table. "Want an apple?"

He picked one up. "What are these?"

"They're Macintosh. Molly brought them for me. They're kind of hard to find here. My mom grew up in New England and they're common there." She picked up one of the round, shiny apples and smelled its fragrance. "Puts me right back in our old kitchen." Tears welled in her eyes. "Reminds me that life's too short."

"I'm sorry, honey."

Brenna put a hand over her mouth and started crying. "Oh, Adam, Helena's got pneumonia. She doesn't look good. I didn't realize how much she means to me..."

He pulled his chair close to hers, put his arms around her, and let her cry. "You know, honey, it doesn't surprise me you're so attached to her. It's like you've known Helena her whole life. I think you've seen just about every important event in her adult life as well as knowing her personally. It's kind of like you gained a parent for a while only to be losing her."

Brenna smiled and sniffed. "She does give good advice."

Adam picked up a Macintosh and took a bite. "Sour and mushy. Here, that's not an apple, sorry." He handed it to her, took a Red Delicious out of the bowl and took a crunchy bite out of the sweet, crisp apple. "Now, that's an apple."

"You goon, you don't deserve it." She laughed through her tears and ate his Mac for him, not about to waste one of the precious apples. "I think this is what they must have had in the Garden of Eden."

Adam laughed. "As if."

Brenna stood up and grabbed his hand. "Come on. You can help me get the fire going again."

Around six o'clock, the rain began in earnest. Brenna was boiling spaghetti noodles and listening to her wind chimes ring wildly when she heard the familiar sound of needles hitting the windows.

She walked into the parlor where Adam sat in the rocker reading with the dogs at his feet and the fire crackling. A true picture of domesticity. She smiled. "It's really coming down, isn't it?"

Adam looked up. "Sounds as if it's coming sideways, right for your windows. I should get going after dinner if I'm going to make it home okay."

Brenna smiled wistfully, looking out into the dark storm. Probably not a good idea for him to stay the night just yet. But it would be wonderful.

A hiss in the kitchen sent her running back to turn down the burner as the water began to boil over. The timer went off and she drained the noodles, leaving them to steam in the colander while she pulled crusty garlic bread from the oven and stirred the sauce one more time.

"Okay, it's dinner!"

They ate in front of the fire, the dogs at their feet keeping a watchful eye on their plates in case by chance something might fall off. Brenna left the wine in the refrigerator this evening, knowing they both might need all their faculties alert with the coming storm.

Max watched with an eagle eye as Adam wiped up the sauce on his plate with the last of his garlic bread. Adam took a bite, looked at the black dog for a minute to tease him and then tossed him the last bite.

Zoe took her eyes off Brenna's plate long enough to observe this interchange and then looked back at Brenna.

"Okay, okay! Here," she said, tossing her last piece of bread to her dog. Zoe gulped it with relish and looked back at the plate.

"That's all there is, you pig." Brenna turned to Adam. "Look what you've started!"

He laughed. "Right, like you don't do that all the time anyway."

"Well..."

"That's what I thought. Here, I'll help you with the dishes and then get going."

"No, you'd better get on the road. Every time I listen to the forecast, it gets worse."

Brenna rinsed off the plates while Adam got his coat and boots on and whistled for Max.

"You be careful." Her heart jumped at the image of Adam lying trapped in his truck like Vince and Wendy.

"I'll be fine. It's my job to be out in weather like this, remember?"

"I know. But if I say it, maybe it'll keep you safe," she said, hugging him tightly.

"Good a logic as any, I guess."

Adam kissed her for a long moment until Max finally sat down on one of his feet. Looking down at the impatient dog, he said, "I'm being paged. I'll call you when I get home. But if the phone lines go down, don't worry, I'll be fine."

She took a deep breath and swallowed. "I know. I have faith in you."

"Good." One more kiss and Adam and Max were out the door, running for the truck. Brenna heard a honk as they drove away and then heard only gusting wind and rain. Please God, keep him safe.

Chapter 46

Turning on the radio again, Brenna ran hot soapy water into the sink. The familiar repetitive task was soothing though the mood was soon disturbed by a worsening forecast and the crack of branches splitting from the trees around the house. She had decided to leave the dishes and stay away from the windows when she heard a loud knock on the back door. Startled, she ran to open it.

Adam and Max stood on the porch, dripping wet. She pulled them inside.

"What happened?"

"There's a big tree down across the road about a mile away."

She handed Adam a towel and started drying Max with another. "It took you this long to go two miles?"

"I had to keep jumping out and moving branches." Adam motioned at Max. "He got soaked just running to the truck and back."

"Oh my god." Brenna smiled. "Speaking of God, I was praying for your safety. God must want you here tonight."

He laughed and shook his hair "Yeah, maybe a tree will fall on my trailer or something."

"Don't joke like that!" She slapped his arm. "Go in by the fire. I'll make some coffee."

Brenna took a deep breath of the fresh coffee grounds, one of her favorite smells, and then finished making the coffee. While the hot liquid poured steaming into the carafe, she realized there was a silly smile on her face. She was delighted Adam was back and not because she was afraid of the storm. She was thrilled to be able to spend more time with him. Helena was right, the smallest measure of love was important. Time was not given to be wasted. At the reminder of Helena, Brenna frowned. She hoped the rest home was weathering the storm all right. It had looked fine earlier today, but this storm was definitely worse than last night's. Pouring the hot coffee into mugs, she went to sit by the fire with Adam and the menagerie.

Adam sipped his coffee carefully. "I hope the fire department doesn't need me tonight. It's kind of nice to know I can't go anywhere for a change instead of always having an ear toward the pager. Then again, I feel terrible when there's an emergency and I can't go."

Brenna was quiet.

"How are you doing with this fire stuff? You've kind of been thrown in the middle of it between Mr. Rodriguez and Vince and Wendy."

"I'm doing better...it was hard after Wendy. But I've been doing a lot of thinking and I believe I can live with it. I mean, it's stressful, but you're worth it."

He smiled. "Gee, thanks."

The phone rang, pausing their conversation. "Well, at least the lines aren't down yet." She got up to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey you, how's it going up there?" Molly's cheerful voice came over the line.

"Are you calling me from work?"

"Yeah, on my calling card. We hardly have any patients. It's really you-know-what."

"The Q word?"

"Exactly. Anyway, guess what? Tony already called and left a message on my machine, asking if he could see me again when I come up. I thought that was pretty brave of him since he's so dang shy. Then again, it's probably easier to talk to a machine."

"Hey, this is Memorial Day. I forgot because we've been so busy storm-watching. You're getting time and a half to talk on the phone, huh?"

Molly chuckled. "This can be one of the breaks I never take. Besides. it balances out all those other nights-from-hell when we can't eat or go to the bathroom."

The phone began to crackle.

"Molly?"

"Yeah, I can still hear you..."

The phone crackled again and went dead. Brenna looked at the receiver. "Can you hear me now? I don't think so." She turned to Adam. "We finally lost the phone."

"Hey, it's almost like being on a desert island; we're marooned."

"I'll take the island, thank you. If it's tropical, that is," Brenna said ruefully.

The radio station also quickly gave up the ghost as the storm released its full fury on the coastline. Brenna put some soft jazz music in the CD player and turned the volume just loud enough to hear over the wind. Pulling her few parlor pillows down on the carpet, they lay down and settled comfortably spoonfashion in front of the fire. Brenna had thought if they were fortunate enough to end up here tonight, they wouldn't be sleeping, but after the stress of the last couple days, they were both exhausted. It was only moments before they started drowsing off.

A knock on the front door...Brenna thought she was dreaming, but then it came again louder. Adam shook himself awake as she got up to see who could possibly be out there. Maybe it was just a branch.

Peering through the windowpane and dripping roses, she saw Gary standing on the porch, looking frantic. She opened the door quickly.

"Is Adam here?" Gary nearly had to yell over the noise of the wind and rain.

"Yes, come in." She opened the door wider, wind whistling into the room, but Gary remained in the doorway.

Adam quickly got up and came to the door. "What's up?"

"Julie went into labor. There's a tree down and I can't get out." Gary was nearly crying with fright and frustration.

Adam looked past him into the night. "Where is she?"

He pointed to Brenna's driveway. "She's in the car."

"Okay, let's go get her." Adam disappeared into the dark with Gary while Brenna ran upstairs to gather all the pillows and clean sheets she had. Her mind raced, trying to translate her hospital knowledge into a home birth setting. I knew it, she thought, I knew I'd get stuck with this delivery somehow. Murphy's Law. Grabbing her stethoscope out of a dresser drawer, she remembered the thermometer was in the bathroom. She raced down the steps just as Adam carried Julie through the door, Gary holding back the veil of wet roses.

"Here, here, wait," Brenna said. She threw down pillows and a couple sheets, creating a makeshift bed close to the fire. Adam carefully laid Julie down as she began to cry out with another contraction. Max and Zoe quickly trotted into the dining room, sensing something was not right, and curled up under the table. Brenna ran past them into the kitchen for tin foil and plastic wrap and grabbed the digital thermometer and some towels from the bathroom. Running back to the parlor, she knelt down to help Adam assess Julie. They had just finished breathing through another contraction together.

"Okay, Julie. How many weeks are you?" Brenna asked.

"Thirty two," she answered, tears and sweat running down her face.

"Okay, I'm a nurse. I need to check and see if the baby's head is showing yet."

Julie looked at her as if she'd lost her mind, but at a nod from Adam, complied. Brenna put a sheet over her and helped her slide her maternity pants off. Adam had run out to his truck for his jump kit and now handed Brenna some gloves which she gratefully put on.

She asked him quietly, "Have you done a delivery before?"

Adam whispered, "I saw one last year, no hands-on experience."

"Good enough. How much oxygen do you have?"

"A full bottle."

Brenna helped Julie get into a proper position to be examined, though she felt like a stiff doll, unable to relax. Brenna was relieved to see the baby was not yet visible.

"No baby yet. Julie, do you know if your water broke?"

Julie began to cry harder as the next contraction swept over her. "I don't think so."

"Adam, can you get some water boiling? Everyone has a job here. Julie, your job is to try and calm down as much as possible and go with the flow. Instead of holding your breath or crying, I want you to concentrate on breathing slowly in and out. I know you'd like to smack me for that," Brenna continued, seeing the fire in Julie's eyes, "but you've got to do it for your baby. He knows when you're upset and you've got to get as much oxygen to him as you can."

While speaking, Brenna had her hand on Julie's belly and felt how rock-hard the contractions had become. "It looks like this punkin is serious about having a birthday today." The contraction faded away. "Gary, your job is to hold Julie's hand and remind her to breathe slowly and deeply with contractions for now. If she screams or swears at you, don't take it personally. It's part of hard labor." She laid the towels on the hearth to warm, shooing away Olivia, the one cat not fazed by the circumstances.

Adam had returned from the kitchen and was talking to Medical Control on his radio as he pulled the oxygen bottle from his kit. He explained the problem with the downed tree as Brenna rummaged through his kit to see what they had to work with.

"What kind of nursing do you do?" Gary asked, his voice slightly calmer.

Brenna looked back at him and smiled. "I'm a baby nurse."

Julie started to cry again. "Oh, thank God. It's too early, isn't it? Can he live?"

"It's dangerous, especially in these circumstances; I won't give you false hopes. But he should make it, yes." She could tell by Julie's face that another contraction was starting. "Okay, just do what I told you, in and out..." She looked up at Adam questioningly.

"The ambulances are both out on calls, but com center will send a road crew out right away to start moving the tree. It's our only chance. A helicopter can't land in this," Adam said.

"I know. Let's put a mask on Julie, low flow in case we need more for the baby."

As the contraction ended, Adam explained the oxygen to Julie and positioned the mask over her face.

"This stinks, I don't like it!"

"It's not the oxygen that smells, it's just the mask," Adam said calmly.

"Then you wear it!" she snapped.

"Julie, honey, they're just trying to help," Gary said, kissing her hand.

Tears filled Julie's eyes again. "I know. I'm so scared..."

Brenna smiled at her as she checked her pulse and blood pressure. "Hey, Julie, do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?"

"No, we wanted to be surprised the first time."

Damn. "I can understand that. Do you have names picked out?"

"Jesse for a boy, Victoria for a girl."

"I bet it'll be a girl."

"Why?" Julie asked her.

"Just a hunch."

Gary talked to his wife quietly for a minute as Brenna and Adam readied the resuscitation equipment for the baby.

"We want it to be a girl, right?" Adam asked in a low voice.

"It'd help; they're usually stronger," Brenna whispered.

Adam had a pediatric resuscitation bag, too large for a newborn, never mind a preemie. They could injure the baby's face or cause a collapsed lung if they weren't careful enough. Pray God it wouldn't come to that. Gary and Julie started breathing through the next contraction.

"Julie, while you have this contraction, I'm going to look and see if it's pushing the baby down at all." Nothing visible. "Nothing yet."

"I want this over," Julie moaned as Gary wiped her face with a washloth.

Brenna felt sorry for her. "Actually, Julie, we want that punkin to stay in there as long as possible. This storm is keeping the ambulance away and it'd be nice if he could be born in a hospital." Understatement of the year.

"But you're a nurse; you can take care of him, right?" Julie asked, her voice muffled by the mask.

"He'll need more care than I can provide here, but I hope we can keep him going okay. We'll do our best." She turned to Adam. "Hey, do you carry IV fluids in your kit?"

He shuffled through another pocket. "I've got a bit."

Brenna looked over his supplies. "No D10W. Normal saline, do you have some D50 we could add?"

"Right here."

"Great. It's elementary though without a 24 gauge catheter. Aha, one, I can't believe it. Hopefully, we won't have to use it." She put the supplies in a small pile where she could reach them easily.

Another contraction began. Julie was having a harder time staying in control. Brenna tried to make eye contact with her and help her through.

"That one was bad," Julie panted. "I think I need to use the bathroom. Bad timing, huh?"

"No, that's probably the baby moving down. Adam, you want to make a little oxygen hood with that tin foil? Julie, let's check you again."

"Another one..." Julie was holding her breath. She ripped the mask off her face. Gary wiped her forehead, but it only irritated her. "Stop that! I want to push!"

"Adam, hand me those towels and turn the oxygen up a bit and put plain tubing on it. Julie, I can see the top of his head, he's almost here." Brenna pushed back the sheet over Julie's knees and laid a towel under her. "You can push when you need to."

Julie held her breath and bore down as Gary sat helplessly at her shoulder, whitefaced.

"Aaaah!" Julie cried.

A tiny baby came shooting out into Brenna's hands.

"It's a girl!" Adam announced.

Brenna quickly wiped the fluid off the baby, who took a deep breath and wailed. Julie laughed and cried simultaneously. Brenna wrapped the infant in warm towels and put her into Julie's arms. Gary stared at his wife and child, speechless, as Adam clapped him on the back and said, "Congratulations, Dad."

Leaving several inches of cord on the baby, Brenna tied it in two places and cut in between. She looked closely at the baby's respiratory effort and color and was satisfied for now. "Okay, mom. Let's take care of you."

"How big do you think she is?" The baby alternately looked at her mother or stuck out her bottom lip and wailed.

"Oh, about three pounds."

"Is that big enough?"

"Well, size isn't necessarily a determining factor. The baby's lungs need to be developed enough to breathe on their own or she'd need a ventilator, things like that." Brenna paused as the placenta was delivered and put it in a plastic bag. "Here, Adam, stick this in the frig."

Hearing that, Gary looked a little sick. "Why are you doing that?"

"Sometimes the doctors like to have them checked for problems that could have caused the early delivery. Okay, Julie, I have to rub on your tummy now to help stop the bleeding."

Julie nodded and looked back at her baby, but exclaimed and pushed Brenna's hand away when she massaged her abdomen.

"Sorry, gotta make sure your uterus is staying firm. How's your sweetie doing?" Brenna asked, redirecting Julie's attention to her baby instead of the pain.

"She still looks good, don't you think?" Julie picked up one tiny hand in hers and she and Gary stared in amazement at the tiny fingers.

"She looks great." Brenna counted her respiratory rate. Sixty. "It's okay for now. We'll keep a close eye. Let's get her temperature." She slid the thermometer under the armpit closest to Julie as Gary stroked the top of his daughter's golden head.

Adam gave an update to Medical Control and heard a resounding cheer from the personnel on the other end, but made it clear this was still an extreme emergency. They let him know the progress from their end.

Adam turned to Brenna. "The road crew almost has the tree off the road and the ambulance is on its way back from Port Evan going code 3."

"Good. This punkin is nice and warm, 98.8. Adam, can you get Julie some juice?" Brenna looked at Julie and Gary. "So, is she still Victoria?"

Julie smiled. "Oh, yes." She looked up at Gary, who nodded in agreement. "We never did settle on a middle name. What's yours?"

Brenna blinked. "Mine? Leigh. My dad picked Maureen for my sister so my mom was determined to have something more original for me. All she could do with the middle name though was spell it differently. L-e-i-g-h."

"Victoria Leigh Boggs. Perfect."

Brenna smiled, a lump in her throat. "I'm honored." She took another close look at the baby. Julie was doing a good job of keeping her covered and close to her chest.

"Gary, can you throw another log on the fire, please?"

He got up stiffly. "I think I was frozen in place too long." He stoked the fire as Adam brought in a tray of cold juice for everyone.

Brenna handed Julie's glass to her and then downed her own juice quickly. She didn't realize until now that her back was dripping sweat. Just like at work, she thought wryly. I am what I am. I could probably go anywhere in the world and come upon a baby who needed my help. She thought of Helena and smiled. Helena would be delighted to know a healthy Victoria had been born in her house.

Now that the situation was somewhat in hand, they noticed the storm had expended some of its energy. The wind still whipped around the eaves, but the rain had lessened and no longer drove itself against the parlor window.

Julie laughed. "I think she peed."

Brenna folded the wet towels back and Julie handed Victoria to her. This time, Brenna put Victoria right on her mother's chest and put warm towels over them both.

"Is she still okay?"

"She's doing remarkably well. She may get tired and need some oxygen, so don't be surprised if that happens. And I'll tell you now, she's most likely going to have to go to Portland. She's probably too early to breast or bottle feed and may have to be tubefed or have an IV."

Julie waved her hand. "I don't care. As long as she's okay."

Adam was listening to Gary tell his story again.

"Next time, call the ambulance first though, okay? The tree complicated things tonight, but babies have a lot more medical help if they're born in an ambulance than in a car on a rainy night."

Gary smiled. "No problem. We just panicked. Adena wasn't back yet because it's Memorial Day and she knew I'd be home. Not that she would have known what to do anyway."

Adam just smiled.

Brenna checked the baby again and became more concerned. Victoria's temperature was stable, but her respiratory rate was going up as it became more difficult for her to breathe. Pulling the oxygen bottle closer, Brenna put the end of the tubing near her tiny nose. The firelight glinted on Victoria's golden hair and Brenna found herself praying for her. She was doing well, but wasn't out of the woods yet.

Adam leaned over the couch to look out the window. "I think I hear them."

Seconds later, the flashing red and white strobe lights stopped outside the house. EMTs rattled a gurney over the flagstone walk and up the steps as Adam held the roses back.

Brenna and Adam rode to Port Evan with them, Brenna having more knowledge about sick babies than all of them put together. Toward dawn, as the weather calmed, an ambulance came from Portland to take Victoria to Molly's NICU.

As the ambulance drove away, Adam helped Brenna into Tony's truck. Tony had been kind enough to come get them after spending his own night out on emergency calls.

He let them out at the front gate and Brenna stood once again in the gateway, looking at her house. There was debris scattered over the yard and a few shingles were missing now, but it still looked beautiful to her. She looked at the front door and smiled. The curtain of roses had been pushed back often enough that it now formed a frame around the doorway instead of a shroud. A healthy Victoria had passed through the door. No more mourning here.

Adam kissed her and pushed her toward the front door. "To bed with you, Florence. Call me if you wake up some time today."

As Brenna opened the front door, Max came ran out to join his person and Brenna walked through her front door, something she planned to do more often now.

She sat in the rocker by the fire, the morning chill still in the air. Hearing a sound on the staircase, she looked up to see Helena and Martin descending, dressed for travel. Helena cradled a healthy baby girl in her left arm, bundled in soft pink blankets, a frilly white hat covering her downy dark hair. Martin frequently looked over his wife's shoulder to smile at his daughter.

She rose from the rocker to bid them goodbye. "Are you all ready to go now?"

Helena smiled and gave her a hug with her free arm. "Oh yes, we've stayed too long as it is. Thank you for everything."

"I'll miss you. Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful life."

She opened the front door for them and they walked down the flagstone path into the morning mist.

Chapter 47

Brenna woke around six that evening. Confused at first, she sat up and looked around. She had fallen asleep in her rocker before making it upstairs and now her muscles felt stiff. Stretching, she remembered what had happened. Man, what a night they'd had. She hoped never to go through that again. Smiling, she thought that was probably how all of them felt. Then she remembered her dream. Weird, she'd never had one like that before. Hopefully, a healthy baby had finally broken the spirit of sadness lingering in her house.

Taking a bowl of cereal with her, she went to sit in the velvet chair by the phone, folding her legs up under her. She looked for the number in the phone book and ate a spoonful as it rang.

"Seacliff Rest Home."

"Hi, this is Brenna Callahan. I'm calling to check on Helena. Did you guys weather the storm okay?"

Silence.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry, Brenna; Helena passed away this morning."

Brenna sat frozen in her chair, spoon in midair. Not so soon. She wanted to at least tell her about Victoria. She hung up the phone without another word. Placing her bowl on the table, she lost track of time as she sat curled in her chair, the lives in this house passing before her eyes. And eventually, she realized the truth. Helena already knew. She had come to say goodby before she left, her family intact. They were all together now and life was as it should be.

Epilogue

One Year Later

Brenna stood at the window in the guest room, looking out over her back yard. She smoothed her white satin bodice and fluffed her lacy skirt. Hearing children's shrieks, she looked out again. Victoria, just walking, was shrieking with laughter, her red hair fiery in the sunlight. Sophia and Serena were entertaining her for all they were worth, making funny faces and tumbling in the grass in their beautiful new dresses. Maureen was trying to control them, but having about as much luck as usual. Julie reached over and straightened Victoria's satin dress, kissing her on top of her head. Max and Zoe, ribbons around their necks, stuck close to the children, protective among all these strangers, but more than willing to accept a pat or two.

In the folding chairs across the aisle, Ruth sat with her in-laws. Ben sat shyly on his mother's lap, watching the twins' antics with wide eyes. Rachel bounced on her grandma's knees, curls pulled up with a lacy band.

Adam himself waited near the arbor, nervously adjusting the cuffs on his tuxedo while he talked to Jake, occasionally looking up at Brenna's window. She felt like Rapunzel, for pete's sake. Jim Laulainen stood to Adam's right; he had been ordained to perform their ceremony, which he considered a great honor. Tony sat in his usual stoic silence behind Ruth, in the longest suit he and Molly could find.

Everyone looked so beautiful. As she watched, Vince and Wendy sat down behind Maureen and Bryan. They might be sorry about their choice of seats when the children came back. Wendy looked pretty in lavender, her dark hair short and curling around her head. She'd had a hard year after her brain surgery and was still using a cane as her legs grew stronger, but was a happy woman. She and Vince were themselves newlyweds of a month's time, and Vince glowed with pride.

Bob and Claudia had been so helpful. They had arrived early that morning when the grass was still covered in dew and started setting up the arbor she and Adam were to be married under. Pink roses were skillfully woven throughout the latticework. Swaths of white tulle drifted from chair to chair down the center aisle, attached with bouquets of pink and peach flowers.

Their wedding cake held its place of honor on the dining room table. Mel had insisted on making it for them and it was a beautiful confection of three layers, pink and peach roses tucked here and there.

A chair in the first row on Brenna's side held only an armful of pink roses. Brenna knew Helena would've loved to have been here today...and who knew, maybe she was.

"Hey, you. Are you about ready?"

Brenna turned from the window to smile at Molly. "You'd think I would be, wouldn't you? A year to plan a small wedding and I'm still trying to remember if everything's been done."

"Well, quit it. That's what all of us are for. You just have to look beautiful and you've accomplished that just fine."

As for Molly, Brenna had given her free rein to choose her maid-of-honor dress as long it wasn't too outrageous and was in the range of pink or peach. Molly had stuck her tongue out at the 'pink or peach' part, but had, with her usual flair, found the perfect dress. She had arrived with a floor-length gown of peach sandwashed rayon and Tony had been struck dumb when she'd modeled it for him.

"Molly, you look gorgeous. Great, you know Tony will probably be speechless through the whole reception."

"That's okay, I usually talk enough for both of us." Molly and Tony had been seeing each other since the night of the fire dinner, but couldn't seem to fit marriage into the picture. Molly

loved her babies and Tony loved the sea. For now, they just commuted back and forth; believing if it was meant to be, everything would fall into place.

Brenna walked slowly over to the full-length mirror. "Help me put my veil on?"

Her hair was gently rolled into a twist at the nape of her neck. She had been in a quandry as to what to do with it, but Adam's mother had had several good ideas and they had settled on this. Her veil was 'something new', along with her satin shoes.

Molly now carefully adjusted it on her head and pinned it down well. "There, that baby's not going anywhere. Where's your 'something old'?"

Brenna held up a handful of her lacy skirt. Molly had been right; Helena's wedding dress fit Brenna well and once she saw herself in it, there was no other dress for her.

"Borrowed?"

Brenna fingered her mother's pearl necklace which Maureen had brought for her to wear. Tears briefly sprang to her eyes at the sudden pang in her heart; she wished so much her parents could actually be there. "In spirit" was not the same at all. She sniffed and blinked away the tears before she ruined Molly's carefully applied make-up.

"Blue?"

She pointed to the blue sapphire earrings, given to Helena on her wedding anniversary so long ago.

"Well, Bren, I think you're ready."

She looked herself over one last time. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, honey. You're stalling, it's just nerves. Look at that man down there."

Brenna looked down at Adam, so handsome, pacing near the arbor.

"Come on, let's get you down there while there's still some grass left."

Brenna took a deep breath and let it out. Here goes, Mom, Daddy, Helena. Wish us luck.

Molly preceded Brenna down the steep staircase, each careful not to trip. Claudia met them in the kitchen and gave them their bouquets of roses and babies' breath, ribbons trailing.

Bryan opened the back door. Peeking down the aisle, Molly could see Adam and Jake in position, ready to begin the ceremony. Outside, a harp began to softly play. She squeezed Brenna's hand, then stepped out the door. When she was near the arbor, Bryan held his arm out to Brenna.

"Ready, sis?"

Brenna walked through the door on his arm and once she saw Adam, she had eyes for nothing else. As the harp played on, she walked down the aisle into the rest of her life.

The End
