- It was our daughter's fifth
birthday, and I wanted to post
a photo of her on Facebook
and share it with my friends.
Right before I was going
to post it, I thought,
"Oh, maybe I shouldn't post it."
I didn't want any of
my friends to feel bad
that haven't been able to have children.
And then I thought,
maybe I should share that
I had a really difficult time having her,
and then I thought, "That's oversharing."
That over-thinking is like I'm stuck
in a 21st century Hamlet play.
To post or not to post?
That is the question.
I mean, we all use social
media for different reasons.
Friends, family, ideas.
But how do we make sure we're
controlling social media,
and social media's not controlling us?
I'm Tiffany Shlain, I'm
a mother, filmmaker,
I founded the Webby
Awards, and this series
is about how the future doesn't start
somewhere far off in the distance.
The future starts here.
I woke up one morning thinking about
the photosynthesis of social media.
Because sometimes I think the
way we are in social media
is like those flowers that
follow and track the sunlight.
It seems like they're
never quite getting enough,
and that's the way I feel sometimes if I
post too much on social media, like,
"I'm seeking the sunlight,
I'm seeking the likes
and the retweets, and I
never quite feel satisfied."
- Feed me!
- [Tiffany] I mean, I think
the whole reason we use
social media, at its root, is about
our desire for love and connection.
And it's important to remember
that this need isn't new.
Our desire for attention,
validation, and connection,
has been around since
the beginning of history.
For early humans, instead
of Facebook walls,
they had cave walls to
post, share, and comment.
And instead of Instagram, they had
pictograms, ideograms, and telegrams.
Instead of blogs, we had the the Talmud.
Did I mention I was Jewish?
But the more our communication
systems evolved...
- [Voiceover] We can use
the magic of writing to send
our thoughts to friends
in any part of the world.
- [Tiffany] The more impatient we became.
We wanted more input, faster and faster.
In fact, in the 1890s, London tried
delivering the mail 12 times a day.
Sometimes I check
Twitter 12 times an hour.
I'm not proud of that.
So as all of these forms of social media
are clearly heating up
and I'm shvitzing...
Thank you.
So how do we maintain this sense of growth
and still be healthy?
Well, for one, I try to remember the world
doesn't only want to hear
about your highlights.
Someone told me he recently
went off social media
because he felt like he was
looking at everyone else's
highlight reels, while
all he could think about
was his own behind-the-scenes.
My mother, who's a psychologist, says,
"Success distances you from people,
"and vulnerabilities bring you closer."
That doesn't mean to air all
of your dirty laundry online.
It just means give a
three-dimensional version
of who you are, with people, ideas,
and what's happening in the world.
Because if all you're
doing on social media
is posting a perfect version of your life,
and all you're receiving
is a perfect version
of other people's lives, then the feed
is just a bunch of facades.
It's not real, and it's
going to make you feel empty.
They say the five people
you hang around with most
in life, you'll become, so choose wisely.
And I think that applies to social media.
The people you follow shape who you are.
The one thing that's been huge for me
is I started to really curate my feeds.
I try to follow people that
I think are contributing
in an interesting and meaningful way.
I figured that out when I
learned I could still be friends
with someone without following
every detail of their life.
And another thing, think about
the best medium for the message.
- I think one of the things that happens
when a new medium comes on the scene...
- [Tiffany] Like your mom
or best friend doesn't want
to hear your big news on Facebook.
Or a serious conversation might
not be best over text or email.
Just like plants can't
survive on sunlight alone,
they need water, nutrients,
and everything else,
we can't rely too much on social media
without enough of the real
life human connection,
the eye contact, hugs,
the nuanced body language.
We need to remember to sometimes
just live in the moment,
because the feeds are addictive.
- Wilma, I'm worried about our children.
- So am I, they've hardly
eaten a thing in three days.
- It goes deeper than that.
- [Tiffany] Fortunately, I think things
are starting to swing back.
I know for me personally,
I'm setting aside more time
without screens, like my
family unplugs for 24 hours
every week for what we call
our "Technology Shabbats."
It's one of the best things
we've done as a family.
I think we forget how much agency we have.
I mean, we can close those tabs,
we can curate our feeds,
we can create boundaries
around technology and
turn off the devices.
In this age of social
media, we need to remember,
I need to remember, we
all need to remember,
that just like nature, we need
more than sunlight to survive.
