- You can say 'hi'
- Hi!
LET HER SPEAK
Look at the spring!
["Primavera" by Los Hermanos - wrong lyrics]
We're in spring!
My flatmate and I woke up and thought what a beautiful day it was, so we came to the park.
Look what I'm wearing! It's fucking cold! 7 degrees!
But that's spring in Germany. It's good but it ain't easy
Today I want to talk about something really nice.
Come closer to me!
- When you're too close, it looks bad
- Ah ok, it looks bad.
Today I'd like to talk about something really nice - empowering!
Everybody must have heard of it already, the empowerment of the women, through feminism etc.
And one of these days I was thinking about something very important to me
That was my empowering as a trans female artist.
In case you don't know it, I've studied music at the conservatory.
From the age of 12 till 18.
And we had choir lessons.
And I was really good at the beginning, I was talented and sang very well.
I even got a full scholarship for my good grades at the conservatory.
So I thought "that's it! I'm a singer, done, kalass!
And then, one semester, my voice changed because of my puberty.
And I started feeling and singing all weird.
Because before the puberty, I was soprano, all Mariah Carey.
And afterwards, it was gone!
I could then only sing tenor or baritone. I wasn't even a proper tenor.
I felt really bad.
But then I kept singing, studying other stuff...
Show this view, real quick. So pretty.
"We are the trees"
So I came to Germany at the age of 18, and kinda stopped singing.
Because I couldn't find any public music school.
Sometimes I would rent a studio for a couple months and then quit again.
Because, together with being grown-up in Germany, I realised I had to do the transitioning.
I became aware of my journey.
That I had to do it!
So I thought "I'm fucked!"
Because if I wanna transition completely as a trans*woman, I won't be able to use my voice for anything.
It was really sad. I thought I'd never be able to sing again.
Until now I think I can't really sing. I can do the samba!
I don't know how to do other stuff.
And then I got to know the night life, dj'ing, electronic music.
So I started producing a little, experimenting...
And I actually started using my voice, but with a huge fear of being recognised, I thought people wouldn't understand what is behind that voice.
People are gonna think I'm a freak.
So, what happened was I kept experimenting with my electronic productions, and using my voice, but with a lot of filters and effects on it.
Then I had the idea of doing this channel.
And even though I have 50 subscribers, I got used to seeing my image and hearing my voice publicly.
In my head, that's a huge exposition.
And one day, I turned on the "IDGAF-Button"!
Because you might think you stop giving a fuck all of a sudden, but it takes years to stop giving fucks.
And, in my case, my IDGAF started this way:
I have a friend who has a studio, and I go there sometimes.
So I started, besides my electronic experiments, recording my stuff I used to write since I was 16, songs about my soul and my suffering.
I'm rehearsing and recording them slowly, and putting them up on Soundcloud.
But I'm uploading everything privately, I'm only sending the songs to producers and friends, 3 or 4 people.
And one day I was listening to a very nice song by Sufjan Stevens
I don't even know if I'm allowed to mention him.
Even my flatmate knows this song now, it became a hit in our flat.
So I recorded this song a capella, without effects or filters.
So I was uploading it at soundcloud and I thought to myself:
Do I wanna release this song? No. Do I want to re-produce this song? No.
I just sang it because it's a pretty song and I wanted to.
So, when you're to upload something at soundcloud, there's a button where you can choose between public and private.
So I chose "public"
That was my "IDGAF"!
I recorded a song with my voice, without filters, and published it.
So theoratically, everyone can hear me singing!
Without hiding myself behind a filter, behind effects, behind a post-production.
What is your "IDGAF"?
