>>Announcer: And welcome you back to our Authors@Google
series.
It's a really exciting topic for me.
A couple of years ago I, I was reading a lot
of books on the topic of resilience and you
know fine meditation and, and different things
and one of my friends which I met in, in Bali,
in Indonesia, recommended, you know, Kamal.
So I, I read the book, I found it very tactical
and interesting and things that I could apply
real quick to my busy life at Google, [chuckles]
in my personal life too.
So, you know, we actually kind of it kind
of just happened that Kamal was in the U.S.
in New York and, and, and so was I, so we,
we are really happy to actually bring this
to you.
And I encourage you guys to ask questions,
tactical things that you could do on a daily
basis when you're working and or stressed
out.
I know I found it very interesting when I
read the book.
So with that, Kamal.
>>Kamal Sarma: Great.
[applause]
>>Kamal Sarma: Oh, I get a clap.
Hello.
Excuse me.
Hello.
>>audience: Hello.
>>Kamal Sarma: Hi, how you guys doing?
My name is Kamal Sarma.
I'm really honored and excited to be presenting
to you today on a very topical issue, which
is resilience.
And I want to just take you through some ideas
and concepts.
So let's, let me start off with first, let's
see if this works.
Can you see this in the back row?
No?
Alright, cool.
Oh I see it twice, ok.
Let me give you some stats from the working
population.
Now obviously this doesn't apply to you or
any of your teams.
But this applies to friends of yours who work
in other organizations here.
So here's the stats: Between, whoops, let
me just go back one step.
Fifty-six percent of us don't get enough sleep.
Yes, and the person who's yawning in the back,
yes that relates to you.
Sixty-two percent of us don't get enough exercise.
Fifty-three percent of us would tick a box
to say we're overwhelmed.
But wait, there's more.
One in, so one in five, about eleven to twenty
percent of people in the working population
would tick a box to say that they're depressed.
Don't you love coming to work?
What about this?
Twenty-nine percent of us are obese.
That's not overweight.
That is obese, right?
And twenty-two percent of us are exhausted.
Wow.
Don't you love delivering on those projects?
Yeah?
Unfortunately this is the challenge that we
face.
So I want to really kind of get you to evaluate
and explore some things.
Here's the guidelines for today's presentation.
Number one is please don't believe a word
I say.
I'd be really, really disappointed if you
believe a word I said.
However, what I'd like you to do is try it
on.
And what I mean by that is focus on what if
this was true?
You with me?
So when you, ma'am, what's your name?
>>female #1: Polivy
>>Kamal Sarma: Polivy.
Now when you go shopping, say you're going
to buy a pair of shoes, what do you do?
Do you go and buy the first pair of shoes
that you get or do you try them on?
[whispering]: Please say try them on.
[laughing] You try them on, right.
So what I'd like you to do is try on this
concept.
If you think it's a load of hogwash, leave
it in the room.
If you think it's worthwhile, walk away with
it.
Is that ok with everybody, yes or no?
Yep?
Cool.
So do not believe a word I say, ok but just
try it on.
Number two is emotionally engage.
So we run a leadership firm.
And they say that management is about logic.
Leadership is about emotion.
I will repeat that.
Management is about logic.
Leadership is about emotion.
The reason why we follow certain leaders is
they create an emotional connection with us.
True or false?
Yep.
It's not just about the head, it's about the
heart.
And finally, [laughing] the last one, is stay
present.
Do you know what I mean by that?
Who's ever had this experience?
You've been speaking to your partner and suddenly
they realize that you've not been there?
C'mon.
Yep.
Or you've been speaking to your kids.
Who's ever done this?
Who's ever been in a meeting and you've been
in la la land.
Do you know what I mean by la la land?
You've checked out.
You've been thinking about your holidays.
You've been thinking about everything that
you're gonna do and somebody asks you, "Hey,
say Kamal, what do you think about that?"
And you go, "Oh, crap."
You with me?
So the most, by far, the most challenging
thing is to stay present.
To stay present to all the stuff that's happening
around to us.
Most people have checked out.
You know what I mean by this?
Who's ever had a conversation in a party or
something and somebody's checked out and you
know it?
Yeah?
How good does that feel?
It feels like crap, doesn't it?
Yep.
And we know this, but by far one of the most
challenging things to do is to stay present
in the room.
And that's what you're here to do.
I am 100 percent sure that you are not designed
to listen to a short brown guy talk about
leadership.
True or false?
[chuckles] You're designed to be answering
e-mails, be doing work, all that kind of stuff,
right?
So this is weird.
I get that.
But let's make sure we stay present.
Now the way I'm gonna do that is that I'm
pretty, not very good as a speaker, but I'm
ok as a conversationalist.
What does a conversation require.
guys?
Two people having a conversation.
So let's have a conversation.
Is that ok?
Yes or no.
Fantastic, great.
Let's move on.
Ok.
We do a lot of research, so we work in about
39 countries and you know with executives
like yourself, asking them, "What's on your
mind?"
"What are the things that really, you know
what are top, top issues in your mind?"
And this is what the research shows.
A lot of people struggle with time.
Who resonates with that?
Yep.
Just resonating, just getting the time to
do the stuff to focus on yourself and other
people.
And number two, managing expectations.
Do you notice when the more you do the more
you get?
Did you notice that?
Yep.
Yep.
The more competent you are, [chuckles] the
more competent you are, the more work you
get.
Yep.
And lastly, the stress.
So I want to talk about all these three things
because those seem to be the, the kind of
the really driving forces of the level of
fulfillment that you have in your life.
So.
This presentation is fundamentally about you.
Here is my definition of success.
My definition of success is that you hear
one thing or one idea or one concept that
you want to share with somebody that you love.
Yep.
Who's been to a training program or a speech
and they've waxed lyrical about something,
but it hasn't had any personal resonance?
Yeah?
So I call this the 'me level'.
Because if we've got that, then we've got
something to play with.
If we don't, by the time you walk out this
door you would have forgotten everything that
I've said.
So that is my, my standard I'm gonna hold
myself to.
Right?
That you find one thing that you want to share
with somebody that you love.
I call this the 'me level'.
Then there is the 'we level'.
So it's got to work at the 'me level', it's
also got to work at the 'we level'.
Who's the first 'we' in your life?
It is your families, right?
Does the stress that you have, does that impact
on your families?
Yes or no?
And your loved ones.
Of course it does.
And they pay a huge price for your success
sometimes, yeah?
So it's gotta have a rate of return at the
'we level', which is your families and your
partner.
Yeah.
The second 'we' is your team.
Yeah?
It's gotta have a return investment on the
we level which is your team.
And finally it's got to have a rate of return
for the shareholders.
I talk about the me, the we, and the it.
Those three things need to be congruent if
you're gonna flow through life.
If those things are incongruent, then you
are going to struggle and you're gonna have
more and more stress.
What's gonna happen is you're gonna be very
successful at work, i.e. the it, but that's
gonna affect you at a personal level and your
relationships.
Who's seen that in other organizations?
Obviously not your organization, but in other
organizations.
Yes or no?
Yep.
And that's not good.
It's not sustainable.
So when is resilience required?
So fundamentally in life this is what happens.
You go through one stage in your life, yeah?
And you wanna get to the next stage of your
life.
And to a certain degree that is why you're
here today.
Yeah?
That you wanna find something to get to the
next stage of your life or the next stage
of your team development or your business
or your relationship.
Can I ask you, do most people want to be at
that next s curve, yes or no?
They do.
Do most people want to have a great relationship,
yes or no?
Do most people want to work on a great team,
yes or no?
Do most people want to take their business
to the next level, yes or no?
They do.
But do they?
Look at the stats around divorces and break
ups.
Look at the stats around health.
So why is it the case?
Why is it the case that most people want this
but they don't have it?
This would be the interactive part of the
session, guys.
[laughing] Any thoughts?
>>female #2: Time and effort.
>>Kamal Sarma: Time and effort, yeah, most
definitely.
That, that bottom s curve is really busy.
Most people are really busy leading mediocre
lives.
They're too busy to have a great relationship
to having a mediocre relationship.
They're too busy to have a great sense of
well being, aren't they?
What else?
>>female #3: [inaudible]
>>Kamal Sarma: Sorry.
>>female #3: [inaudible]
>>Kamal Sarma: No energy, yeah.
They are depleted.
They are exhausted.
Yep.
They're just struggling.
So most people are too busy existing.
You know what I mean by that?
Yep.
To feel alive.
Now I actually sat down and I just waited
in the lobby and just looked at people.
And I love doing this.
Go into any large organization, sit in the
lobby and see if you see people walking and
feeling alive or just, or even grabbing a
cup of coffee, right?
So what I want you to think about is this.
Is that to get from one s curve to the next
s curve is that you have to not learn, but
you have to unlearn.
What you need to be able to do is you need
to be able to disconnect from the past.
I'll repeat that.
What you need to be able to do is disconnect
from the past.
What made you successful is not going to make
you successful.
Do you, do you get what I mean?
So who's in a relationship here?
Yep.
Fantastic.
Yep.
Remember the first time you started to go
out?
It was like awesome.
And ripping off each other's clothes was just
like a connection was there?
Does that, does that stuff happen still ten
years into the relationship?
No, it doesn't.
It's like, you know, you know when you first
called you know each other when you're dating,
you say, "Hi honey, you hang up the phone."
"No, no, no honey, you hang up the phone."
Now you say, "Why are you calling me at work?"
[laughter]
>>Kamal Sarma: [laughing] It's like that,
right?
And what we do is we get addicted to our own
successes.
Yep.
And so let me ask you another question.
The way you treated your body when you were
20.
Yep.
Remember you drank a certain way, you ate
a certain way, you partied a certain way.
Can you, and you still managed to look pretty
buff, pretty, you know, pretty cut, ripped.
Can you still treat your body when you're
30 like that and expect the same results,
yes or no?
No, but do some people try?
Oh yes they do.
The same, too, with teams and same, too, with
your organization.
What worked at Google when you were one year
old is not gonna work when you're ten years
old.
And that is the challenge.
The challenge is to unlearn and most people
struggle to do that.
They think what made them successful is gonna
make them successful.
What brings down a great organization is not
incompetent people.
Because incompetent people never get to a
place of power to influence the organization.
What brings down a great relationship is not
two people that are not in love.
What brings down a great organization is people
that haven't learned, haven't learned to unlearn.
Or a great relationship is not destroyed by
people who weren't in love.
It's the two people that didn't grow and learn
and unlearn.
You with, you with me on this?
And that's kind of one of the main things.
I'm not here to teach you how to learn anything.
What I want you to explore is what you need
to unlearn, because that is gonna determine
whether you're going to go from one s curve
to the next s curve.
So, let's talk about this thing called leadership,
because, and unlearning, because you've all
done it to a certain degree.
So this is a really key skill you need to
pick up is learning how to unlearn.
So most people start their careers as a technical
expert.
Yeah?
So the reason why you're in this room is somebody
thought you were pretty smart in the interviewing
process, true or false?
Yep.
Yep.
And then somebody promoted you to a management
role, potentially, yep?
And then you're getting a leadership role.
That's pretty much the kind of trajectory
that most people will follow.
Unfortunately the skills that made you, a
lot of people don't unlearn and relearn, so
being a technical expert is about what?
It's about proficiency and accuracy.
You gotta do your job proficiently and accurately.
Then what management is about is about effectiveness.
It's about controlling or directing resources,
true or false?
Yeah.
Then it changes doesn't it?
What leadership is about, it's about influencing.
It's about breaking old paradigms and creating
new ones.
And unfortunately a lot of people are in leadership
roles, but they don't have the ability to
influence.
Yep.
So what happens is the locus of control fundamentally
shifts.
So what's the technical expertise about?
Technical expertise is about is you prove
yourself to be the technical expert.
So you're pretty good at what you did and
you proved yourself to be the technical expert.
Then you earned the right to manage.
You're good at what you do, so you earned
the right to manage.
But now who's in control?
So you're in control for technical expertise
and management.
But when you get to leadership the locus of
control shifts, doesn't it?
The locus of control shifts to everybody else.
It's no longer up to you, is it?
Because with leadership people choose to follow
you.
Can I get a quick show of hands who has seen
this?
Who has seen people who are in the management
role, but when they get stressed out they
drop down to being the technical expert?
C'mon, who's seen this?
At the flippin' wrong time, true or false?
Yep.
Or who's seen this?
People who are in a leadership role when they
get stressed out they start micromanaging.
Who's seen that?
Yep.
At the flippin' wrong time.
And it creates a leadership void.
My belief is that bad things happen in a leadership
void.
You know what I mean by that?
No?
Be it in your relationship, be it in your
business, be it in your families.
Leadership voids are really bad.
For some of you the biggest leadership role
will be in your families.
Yep.
So can I get a show of hands, who's got kids
here?
Yep, Fantastic.
Great.
Who's been a kid?
Yeah, there's somebody.
Who's still a kid?
Julio, please?
[laughing] So here's the deal.
So initially your parents were the technical
experts, right?
They clothed you, they fed you, they made
sure that you stayed alive, true or false?
True.
Then they managed you.
They took you to baseball, they take you,
they took you to soccer.
They gave you, you know, kind of guidelines
to live by.
Then in some families parents step up as the
leaders.
In some families they don't.
You with me?
So the question is, this question.
Because my belief is this is the beginning
and the end of your leadership journey.
Why should people choose to be led by me?
I'll repeat that.
Why should people choose to be led by me?
In your personal space, in your professional
space.
But at Google you guys are in the leadership
position.
You will have a disproportionate impact in
the world that we live in.
You have a leadership position.
Will you, will you take that leadership position
and will people choose to be led by you?
That is the question, I think, that you need
to answer yourself.
So that's the, that's what we wanna play with.
Is that ok with everybody?
Yep?
Alright.
Cool.
So, what I'd like you to do is by the end
of my presentation I'd like you to be really
confused.
How am I doing so far?
[laughing] Do most, do most people like to
be confused, yes or no?
Do?
Yes or no?
No, they don't.
And that's why they live mediocre lives with
mediocre relationships with mediocre health.
Because most people start on this one s curve
and they get really, really excited, yeah,
I want to do it.
Then they're at the top of that s curve about
to make the next jump and they get really
confused.
What leaders are about is making sure that
you feel comfortable with confusion.
I hope by the end of this presentation you
are confused as all heck.
You with me?
Because then I know that you're actually starting
to explore and learn.
I don't have the answers.
You do.
I have some great questions.
And if you can play with those questions and
stay in that confusion, I know that some kind
of clarity will arise.
And that's why I think mental resilience is
so important.
What leaders are about are making sure that
they have the mental resilience to stay with
their confusion.
Yep?
So, I want to tell you a story, so I'm gonna
switch this presentation button off.
Is that right?
Again?
Ok.
So let me tell you a story.
I'm gonna tell you a story about an anecdote
about a psychiatrist.
So, there's the head of the psychiatric body
and he wanted to understand why is it that
psychiatrists, who know so much about the
brain and the mind, have such crappy lives.
Did you?
I'm sorry.
I don't know if you know this, but psychiatrists
have one of the highest rates of divorce.
Yep.
They have one of the highest rates of substance
abuse.
They have one of the highest rates of suicide.
Now these are the people that we go to for
help [laughing] when we're not feeling too
good.
There's something a little bit wrong with
that.
Anyway, so this is the story.
And so there's this psychiatrist, head of
the psychiatric body and he wanted to understand
why is this the case.
And what he discovered is that monks and nuns
seem to have pretty good lives.
They have one of the highest rates of kindness,
they have one of the highest rates of compassion,
and joy, all the good stuff, the stuff that
makes life worth living, true or false?
True.
So he does all this research and he finds
this monk, finds this Zen monk in Japan and
he flies all the way to Japan.
And the paparazzi are there taking his photograph,
it's huge news all over the world, you know.
You know huge paradigm shift in psychiatry
as we know it.
The psychiatrist walks in and monk is giving
a talk and the psychiatrist sits down.
The first hour goes.
The monk totally ignores the psychiatrist.
The second hour goes.
The monk totally ignores the psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist is getting severely ticked
off right about now, right?
The third hour goes.
The monk, the psychiatrist really ticked off.
He just cannot deal with it any longer.
So he says in his loudest voice, "Excuse me,
don't you know who I am?
I'm the head of the psychiatric association
globally and I'm here to understand why is
it that you monks and nuns are so happy all
the time and we psychiatrists are so unhappy."
Monk doesn't say a word, quietly walks over
to where the psychiatrist is sitting and gets
a jug of water.
And in front of the in front of the psychiatrist
is a glass.
And what he does is he starts to pour, starts
to pour, starts to pour, starts to pour, keeps
on pouring, keeps on pouring until the cup
overflows.
And the psychiatrist goes, "Whoa, whoa, what
are you doing?
It's too full, nothing's gonna go in."
And the monk speaks for the first time and
he says, "You're right.
No matter how good my stuff is, you are too
full.
Nothing's gonna go in."
You with me?
Yep.
So here's what I've found in life and I've
spoken to some of you before this.
And this is I think some of the things that
are happening in your lives, is that things
happen in our life that empty us out.
You with me?
Yep.
You know that relationship that you think's
going really well?
Guess what?
Not going that well.
Or you know that career that you think is
going really gangbusters?
Guess what?
You get fired.
Or you know that routine health checkup that
you go for?
Yep.
Guess what?
Ain't that routine.
You with me?
My belief is what happens next is what leadership
is about.
My belief is that bad stuff happens to good
people, true or false?
Bad stuff happens to good relationships, true
or false?
Bad stuff happens to good organizations, true
or false?
You can't, the only thing I can guarantee
you is that bad stuff will happen.
I'm sorry, but that's the only thing that
I can guarantee you.
What your responsibility is determining what
you do next.
Yep.
So most people will feel this emptiness and
they'll fill it up with food.
You know what I mean by that?
It's comfort eating.
They get all those emotions and they bury
it deep down inside them.
Yep.
Or they'll choose alcohol.
Or they'll choose work.
Workaholic, chocoholic, alcoholic, I don't
care, but it doesn't serve you and it doesn't
serve others.
Yep.
And that is the challenge, is what do you
do, what do you do when you feel this emptiness?
You will feel this emptiness at some stage
in your life.
I promise you that.
You don't get through life without feeling
that emptiness.
But do you have the skills and tools to fill
yourself up with things that will serve you
and serve others?
Because my belief is that is why people will
choose to be led by you as an organization,
in your relationship or as an individual.
Yeah?
So, very quickly about my story and I'll be
very, very quick.
I was born in India.
I came to Australia when I was about four
years old.
I was pretty dorky.
[chuckles] Do you use that word, dorky?
Yeah.
I was quite academic.
I didn't have any friends.
I didn't play any sports until I discovered
a game called rugby union.
I know you don't play it that much here, but
it's like American football without the pads.
[laughing] Just kidding.
And so I became really good at reunion and
I got so good I got to play the rep team.
In Australia, it's a really fun thing, you
get good at sports you suddenly become really
popular.
[laughs] It's a very cool thing.
So my parents saw me going from this dorky,
Asian, academic kid [chuckles] into this rugby
hungry, girl hungry fiend.
So you know I was, so what my parents did,
like all good parents do, they sent me to
a monastery in India.
[chuckles] So at the age of 13 I was sent
to an ashram really and I was kind of monk/monastery/ashram
and I was there for 6 years.
I was very lucky, I learned meditation, yoga,
not in the ashram but with my yoga master,
that's pretty cool.
In town anything was cool at the time.
Came back to Australia, did an honours degree
in economics, an MBA, joined a company called
McKinsey & Company, I know there are actually
McKinseyites at Google.
Then I went into funds management and then
I started my own VC fund.
So I'm the only monk that I know that's become
a venture capitalist that's very, not very
many people in the alumni group.
And so life was going pretty good, right?
[laughs] Life was pretty hunky dory.
You know I had married my university sweetheart.
Life couldn't get any better.
We were expecting our first child and I'm
really cocky, you use that term?
I loved the idea of being a dad.
I wanted to be you know I loved the idea of
having kids and stuff like that.
So and my wife was about to give birth, I
was really excited.
And she was you know put into hospital for
some bed rest.
Anyway, I get a call that night and they said,
"Mr. Sarma?" and I said, "Yes."
"Your wife's gone into labor."
And I said, "No, I'm sorry, you've got the
wrong, you've got the wrong guy.
My wife isn't due for another eight weeks."
They said, "No, come straight away."
So I, by the time I got from our house to
the hospital, my wife had given birth to a
beautiful baby daughter and I was really excited,
but the doctor said, "Look, we just managed
to save your wife's life and we just managed
to save your daughter's life.
If you daughter survives the next three hours,
she'll be ok."
So my wife and I, you know, were at the bedside
and we prayed and, and my daughter did survive
the next three hours, but three days later
my, my daughter died in my arms.
And that's not something that I would wish
on my worst enemy.
You know?
For me that was my emptying out experience.
And that's when the decline started.
So to deal with the pain and the anguish I
tried alcohol.
And I don't drink alcohol.
Then I was prescribed antidepressants.
And I don't know if anyone's been on antidepressants,
but they make you feel really hazy.
Yeah.
And at the time I was head of strategy for
one of Australia's largest fund managers.
Then I thought, hmm, I'm gonna get some drugs.
You know I hear people use drugs, I mean,
and then I'll get over this rough patch.
And while I was going to get those drugs,
something in the back of my voice said, "Kamal,
what the hell are you doing?
This is the point of no return."
And so I didn't try the drugs.
I went back to my monastic training.
And that's what pulled me out.
But I was so close to the edge.
You with me?
And the sad thing is I see a lot of people
close to the edge.
And here's the funny thing.
The funny thing is all the leadership work
that I had done to date did not prepare me
for my biggest challenge.
My biggest challenge was first to lead myself.
Yep.
The second thing was to lead, so the second
thing was you know my relationship was falling
apart.
So for those people who don't know, you know
it's 50 percent of marriages don't last the
distance.
You know that stat, yeah?
It's significantly higher, it's about 90-95
percent for couples that lose their first
child.
That's pretty high, right?
And so where I wanted to be a leader the most
was in my relationship.
And I couldn't even lead there.
And so I started on a journey to try to understand
myself and understand my relationship and
that's where my leadership journey started.
Some of you have started your leadership journey,
some of you have not.
Now I'm not saying because you are 'the' leader;
you are 'a' leader.
You, do you get the difference?
Yep?
There are a lot of people who have leadership
positions, but they aren't a leader.
You with me?
My belief is that you want every member in
your family to be a leader.
You want every member of your team to be a
leader.
It doesn't matter whether the, they're the
leader.
The tragedy is is when the leader is not a
leader and there is a leadership void.
You know?
So there are four levels of leadership that
I want to talk to you about.
The first level of leadership is leading yourself.
Most people struggle with that, true or false?
Workaholic, chocoholic, alcoholic, you know?
Look at the people coming.
Go down the street.
Have a look at them.
See whether they've got a sense of vibrancy,
a sense of energy.
Most people don't.
Level two leadership is leading one other
person.
That could be your partner.
That could be your child.
That could be a member of your team.
Level three leadership is leading a group
of people.
First and foremost that is your families,
yeah?
Or your teams.
And level four leadership is leading even
when you are not there.
That you have a presence even when you are
not present.
I will repeat that: that you have a presence
even when you're not present.
I promise you this, that if you look deeply
into your life, one of the reasons why you're
in this room today working with this amazing
organization is that somebody stepped up in
your life to be a level four leader.
Yeah?
It could have been a parent.
I could have been an uncle or auntie.
It could have been a teacher.
It could have been a brother, a sister.
But their presence is always there.
Here's the paradox.
The paradox is people struggle to stay present
even when they're in the room.
Who's noticed that?
Yep?
Go to your next meeting.
Go to your next meeting, go there a little
early and look at how many people are present
in the room or how many people have checked
out to la la land, true or false guys?
Yeah?
So that's what we want to talk about here.
Can I just?
>>male #1: Twice.
>>Kamal Sarma: Twice?
Sorry guys, I'm getting good at this.
[chuckles] Alright, so, how do you make that
transformation?
Are you interested?
Yep?
From one s curve to the next s curve, yeah?
Let's, let's talk about this transformation.
Now, you can think about this in your relationship,
with your health, with your business or your
team, yep?
So we call this a model of transformation.
The first transform-, process of transformation
is awareness.
Most people don't have any idea of how they're
treating themselves, their lives.
They're too busy existing to feel alive.
You know what I mean by that?
They're just rushing.
They're rushing from here to there.
They feel that emptiness and they're just
trying to fill it up with being busy.
Those are the people that get out their blackberries
or I'm sorry, their android phones.
[laughing] Whoops.
And check things, have you noticed those people
in meetings?
Are you kidding me?
You can't be present just for the next 15
to 20 minutes while we have this conversation?
They're just busy existing.
And they're so afraid of missing out on stuff.
Ok.
The next step is accountability.
We live in a society that takes less and less
accountability.
Who's heard about the people that tried to
sue McDonald's for making them fat?
Did you hear about that?
Yeah.
It's really simple, don't eat their crap.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Or eat it in moderation.
You with me?
Or there's, there was a guy in Australia that
was that sued the casino for making him gamble.
Hello.
[laughs] Don't gamble.
It's really simple.
But we live in a society that it's somebody
else's fault.
In a relationship, guys.
If the relationship's not working, whose fault
is it?
Theirs.
[chuckles] You know the them?
The them.
There's always a them.
So we can tell you pretty quickly how dysfunctional
a team is by how many times attribute accountability
for their results to somebody else.
Yeah?
Or in a relationship.
It's very quick.
Or in a team.
Yep.
So that's the next stage of transformation
is taking accountability.
I can change this if I choose to.
Number three is the why.
Most people start on a journey and they don't
know why.
Who's heard of people that can't give up smoking?
Anybody heard of people that can't give up
smoking, yeah?
So here's the deal.
They can't give up smoking, they can't give
up smoking, they've tried everything, they
can't give up smoking.
Then there are people can't give up smoking,
can't give up smoking, have a triple bypass,
guess what happens?
They give up smoking overnight.
Have you seen this?
Yeah?
Why?
Because they got a big enough why.
Most people don't invest in the why.
What they do is they get busy on the how.
So my belief is that if you want to step up
as a leader in your life or in the life of
somebody else, you have to have a big enough
why.
If you don't, please don't start, because
you will not be successful.
So my wife's a doctor.
And you know how your family can cut you down
to size if your head's getting too big?
Yeah?
So my wife, you know I was giving a speech
and I was explaining this and she said, "Kamal,
I've got this patient, and what you said is
not true."
I said, "What do you mean?"
And she said, "I've got a patient who can't
give up smoking, can't give up smoking, has
a triple bypass, still cannot give up smoking."
So she's having the conversation around, you
know what, we're gonna have to cut off your
leg.
You've seen the ads and stuff like that.
The gangrene sets in and stuff like that.
And do you know what he said to her?
"Guess what, doc, I can't give up smoking,
you're gonna have to cut off my leg."
Even that was not a big enough why.
You with me?
Now that would mostly be a why for us.
So I just kind of extricated myself from that
situation and I said, "Ah, honey, I don't
know."
Anyway, three months later, she comes back
and said, "Kamal, you know that guy that couldn't
give up smoking?"
I said, "Yeah."
"Guess what?
He gave up smoking overnight."
I said, "No way, what's the deal?"
The deal was, you know I thought it was the
patches or hypnosis or acupuncture.
What happened was, is that he had his first
grandchild.
And his grandchild had a bit of asthma.
And the father, who was his son, said to the
grandfather, "You cannot go anywhere near
my child."
And that was a big enough why for him.
Now I want to tell you the kind of, the, the
real story behind this.
He had come to Australia as an immigrant at
17 years old with only the shirt on his back.
He worked as a concreter.
You know this big, burly guy.
Yeah?
He worked to get all his kids through university.
He worked really, really hard.
Did not see his kids, but wanted to make sure
that he provided for him.
He was the sole survivor of his village.
He was the sole survivor of his family.
They had all died at the hands of the fascists.
Now he sees the embodiment of everything that
he's worked for.
You with me?
And he can't go anywhere near him.
So your responsibility as a leader is to figure
out your own why and to figure out others'
why.
Not your why.
What most people are doing in a relationship,
in a team, is what?
Is giving their why, not the other person's
why.
And to do that you need some skills.
What got you here is not gonna get you there.
Yeah?
Who's heard, do unto others as you want done
unto you?
Brilliant advice.
What you also need to consider is this.
Do unto others as they want done unto them.
You with me?
But you need a different skill set to do that.
The next step of the transformation process
is the how.
The how is the systems, the process, the frameworks,
the knowledge.
Most people are struggling with management
hows, let alone leadership hows.
Most people are put in leadership positions
or leadership roles be to lead themselves
to lead to others.
And they have not had the right skills and
tools.
So they're working hard at being a better
manager, but not with the right skills and
tools and that's why they're stuffing up.
So can I use that word, stuffing up? [laughing].
So you gotta go and get the right skills to
do that.
The next step is mastery.
Mastery, do you think most people like to
be masters?
They do.
But do you think most people are?
No.
Why?
Because it's boring as bat poop. [laughing]
What mastery is about is doing something over
and over again and again a little bit better
each time.
But what we do, especially as intellectuals,
is this, is we find and look for something
new.
You with me?
Yeah?
You look for something new here, look for
new something there.
It's like, you know, go to any garage sale,
any garage, this is some of the things you'll
find.
You'll find an ab blaster.
Remember those things?
Yep.
You'll find a treadmill and you'll find an
exercise bike.
True or false?
Yep.
It's not that, it's not that hard to lose
weight.
It's eat half as much, move twice as much.
Yep.
But people dabble.
They go here, they go there.
They try and find new things all the time
rather than choosing mastery.
And one of the things that mental resilience
is about is mastering your own mind.
Do you have control over your mind?
Do you choose your own thoughts or do the
thoughts choose you?
Most people don't know how to do that.
Yeah?
The last thing is feedback.
You need to get feedback in your life to get
from one s curve to the next s curve.
So this is about what standard you accept
for yourself.
Most people don't get enough feedback and
here's the real paradox.
The paradox is the sooner you go, the less
and less feedback you get.
The person who gets the most feedback is the
person who's the intern.
The person who gets the least feedback is
the CEO.
Go figure.
Who gets the most feedback, the kid or the
parent?
The kid, right?
And my belief is that you need feedback to,
to make sure that you get from one s curve
to the next s curve.
I want to tell you a very quick story.
I've got a mentor.
Can I get a show of hands, who's got a mentor
in this room?
Yep.
Ok.
Who mentors somebody else?
Yep.
Fantastic.
If there's one thing you take out of today,
I'd hope it is go and find yourself a mentor.
Let me tell you the story of my mentor.
My name, my mentor's name is Les.
And Les is a very, very lovely Scottish man
and he's been my mentor for the last 15 years.
And one day I'm kind of you know having my
mentor-type discussion with him and getting
all this beautiful insights and stuff like
that and he gets really angry with me and
he grabs my notepad and he writes, "Kamal
Sarma is a liar."
So what do you think guys?
Do you think I was a liar?
Yes.
Yeah.
I was lying.
I was lying to myself.
Most people, and you know what?
Les was the only person who loved me enough,
who cared for me enough, that was willing
to tell me that.
Most of the time we do not surround ourselves
with people that will call ourselves liars,
yes or no?
No.
We surround ourselves with people that will
tell us what we want to hear, true or false?
Yeah.
You need to find somebody that's willing to
call you a liar to your face.
Because I was giving him all the excuses why
I should stay on one s curve.
And that's why I was living a pretty mediocre
life.
And he was the only person willing to sacri-,
almost willing to sacrifice the relationship
to make sure I got that message.
Ok, so, what is the leadership journeys about?
So, do you all have targets, yes or no?
Yes or no?
Really?
Ok, I'm just kidding.
[laughing] If your resilience level is at
that space, what does that gap feel like guys?
What emotions are you feeling there?
Sorry, hopeless, helpless, yeah.
I call it stress, let's be politically correct
here.
Stress.
Do you see a lot of people around you that
are stressed?
Oh yes you do.
I was just hanging around here for a couple
of hours and I was noticing how stressed people
are.
The exhaustion.
The level of depletion.
Yep.
Now do your targets generally go up or down?
Up.
Right?
And my belief is you cannot do the extraordinary
when you're stressed.
Yep.
You can do the mediocre, but you can't do
the extraordinary.
Yep.
So what we want to do is we want to increase
your level of resilience.
And that takes that transformation formula
that we talked about.
And so what that requires is if, if your resilience
level is higher than your targets, what does
that feel like?
Anybody know?
That feels like flow.
Do you know what flow is?
Flow is an amazing experience.
It's where the extraordinary happens.
It's where even after intense work you don't
feel tired.
Who's experienced that?
Yep.
Most people don't.
And I know, you know as well go outside, go
and sit on the sidewalk and have a look at
people walking into the building.
See whether they're in a state of flow or
absolute depletion, exhaustion.
Now obviously, if your resilience level increases,
you can get to a sense of boredom, right?
And that's why people go out and get bigger
and bigger challenges.
There's part of you that likes to be stressed.
But whether you're going to be in a state
of flow or in a state of depletion depends
on whether what your resilience levels are
at.
Ok.
So I'm very conscious of the time.
I've only got 15 minutes.
So, if I could synthesize everything that
I've learned from being a monk to a venture
capitalist into one formula, this would be
it.
Right?
That I think what you need in your relationship
is resilience.
What you need in your team is resilience.
Having strategies are great, but most strategies
don't work.
Not because they're bad strategies, but because
there's not enough resilience to carry it
out.
You know you get the nice PowerPoint slides
and all that kind of stuff, but you need resilience.
And so if I could synthesize everything that
I learned, resilience is a function of three
things.
Number one is you need direction.
You need to know where you're going.
Number two is you need to have the right capability
set.
Once again, most people only have management
capabilities rather than leadership capabilities.
Most people in their relationship don't have
the right relationship skills until it's too,
you know it's, it's, it's, things go wrong.
You need to invest in those relationship skills
now before things go wrong.
And lastly you need energy.
So let's talk about this.
So anybody know a gentleman called Peter Drucker?
Yep.
Yep.
Very well known leadership commentator.
And he said this.
"Your primary role of, your primary role as
a leader is to raise your own level of energy,
then to orchestrate the to raise the level
of energy around you."
What leadership is about is fundamentally
focusing on energy.
And if you look at the state of depletion
of your colleagues, not in your, not, not
in this organization, in other organizations,
you know, look at how tired they are at 1:00
in the afternoon, then you will be able to
determine whether they have an impact where
people will choose to follow them, alright?
So this is a great rule, but I want to give
you good, a tool.
Is that ok?
Just give you a tool on how you can, so you
might want to draw this as you go, as you
go, as you go through this.
So, your energy can be the high or low.
Does everybody get that?
Yep.
And your energy can be either empowered or
disempowered.
Right.
So let's have a look at this.
If your energy is high and disempowered, what
kind of emotions are you feeling?
Sir, in the black shirt, what kind of emotions
are you feeling?
So you've got a lot of energy.
>>male #2: Frustrated.
>>Kamal Sarma: Frustrated.
Yep.
Help him out guys.
What, what kind of emotions?
>>male #3: Bored.
>>Kamal Sarma: Bored.
Ohh, yeah, we'll come to that.
>>male #4: You don't have any influence.
>>Kamal Sarma: Not having influence.
Yeah.
So we call this a red box.
This is angry, fearful, anxious, agitated.
Who has met people that live in this red box?
No?
Fantastic.
Yep.
And they're wonderful leaders to follow, aren't
they?
[chuckles] Ok.
Then what about low and disempowered?
Now I know you've never been there, but ma'am,
what do you think?
What kind of emotions are you feeling there?
Disengaged, yeah.
Help her out.
Come on.
Depressed, yeah.
What else?
Sorry?
Depressed, yeah.
We call this the black box.
Depressed, apathetic, burned out, hopeless,
defeated.
Who knows of people that live in this box?
Yeah.
Alright.
Now for the good stuff.
Let me see here.
Ok.
You're feeling high and empowered.
So what kind of energy are you feeling there?
What kind of, what kind of emotions are you
feeling there?
[pause] Fantastic.
Ok, we call this the blue box.
It's high empowered.
It's you know it's invigorated, focused, challenged,
delighted, engaged.
Alright.
Ok.
Now for the next box.
Sir, in the white shirt.
What about low and empowered?
What kind of emotions are you feeling there?
>>male #5: [inaudible]
>>Kamal Sarma: Fantastic, great, well done.
Yeah most of the time most of the people get
this box wrong.
We call this the orange box.
You with me?
So called the orange box.
Now, look at those four boxes.
Where do you?
If you were to allocate 100 percent of your
time, how would you allocate that 100 percent
of your time?
Which boxes?
You don't need to shout it out.
[laughing] Where would you allocate?
Is it 20 percent in the red, 20 percent in
the black, 20 percent in the blue and the
orange.
You with me guys?
Ok, just allocate, just in your head.
Two seconds.
Alright.
So here's the deal.
The deal is you can only lead in the orange
and the blue.
In the red or the black people are serving
you or getting the heck out of your way, true
or false?
Yep.
And this is the funny thing, is I don't believe
in time management.
I believe in energy management.
Most people are giving their best energy to
the people that will not rock up at their
funerals.
I will repeat that.
Most people are giving their best energy to
the people that will not rock up at their
funerals.
Who's ever done this?
Yeah?
You've come home you've said, "Honey, kids,
I'm tired."
Yeah?
You come home, "I'm exhausted, that was really
tough."
And then the boss calls.
"Hey, how you doing?"
Who's done that?
Yep.
And you can switch it on, right?
And that's why most people are getting depleted,
they're getting exhausted.
Now, which box, which box are you more likely
to overeat in?
Which box are you more likely to overeat in?
>>audience: Black.
>>Kamal Sarma: Black.
Yes, some people do the comfort eating in
the black box.
Which box are you more likely to write that
e-mail that you're gonna regret?
[laughing] You with me?
And so it's not about time management.
It's about energy management.
It's about having the skills and tools to
be in the right box.
Unfortunately, people manage these boxes synthetically.
And I've had a look at the coffee queues.
Go at 9:00 in the morning and look at the
coffee queues.
Most people are depleted and exhausted.
So this is the general trajectory that most
people do.
They start in the blue box, yep.
Everything's great.
Now as a carbon based life form, can you sustain
365, 24/7 in the blue box, yes or no?
No.
Do most people try it?
Oh, yes, they do.
Yep.
And do you know where most people go?
They go into the black box.
They get depleted, they get exhausted.
A lot of people, you know that stat I put
up about depression.
And we see a lot of depression in the workplace.
I don't think people are depressed.
I think they're depleted.
They're depleted emotionally, they're depleted
physically, they're depleted spiritually,
whatever you like to say.
And then what happens is people jump down
to the black box, but do people like to be
in the black box, yes or no?
No.
So what they do is they then jump up to the
red box and they take it out on the people
they love the most.
Do you know why?
Because they're the only people that will
take it from them.
You with me?
So your ability to lead is your ability to
fluctuate between the blue and the orange.
You need to be able to shut down.
Most people don't know how to shut down.
I was gonna do an exercise with you to show
how you cannot, but I want to give you some
examples of what this orange box is like.
Has anybody noticed that mental chatter?
You know, it's in the shower, it's when you're
driving, that nen, nen, nen, nen, nen, nen.
Who's experienced that mental chatter?
Yep.
It's there all the time isn't it?
It doesn't go away.
Can you shut that mental chatter off?
That is what the orange box is like.
Most people can't.
I'm gonna give you a, are you up for an exercise?
Yep.
Ok.
Everybody sit up straight.
Everybody sit up straight.
And I want you to close your eyes.
Ok.
So don't lean on, lean on the back of your
chair, just sit up straight.
Yep.
Just close your eyes for a second.
I'm just gonna take you through a little exercise.
Alright.
And what I want you to do is think about nothing
else, but just stay present in this room.
Do not go to what you're gonna be doing this
afternoon.
Don't go to what you're doing, what you did
yesterday.
Ok.
Everybody close your eyes.
Take a deep breath in.
[inhaling] Breathe out.
[exhaling] Now just stay in the room, try
not to let your thoughts wander.
[long pause]
>>Kamal Sarma: Now gently breathe in.
[inhaling and exhaling] And then when you're
ready open your eyes.
Fantastic.
Ok.
Let's get some results.
Ok.
Let's get a show of hands.
First of all, who heard the mental chatter?
Did anybody hear the mental chatter?
Who heard absolutely nothing, it was totally
quiet in there?
Oh, brilliant, you're in the right place.
So that mental chatter is incredibly exhausting.
Do you know what I mean by that?
That will deplete you.
That will deplete you emotionally, spiritually,
intellectually, but physically, whatever.
What you need to be able to do is you need
to be able to shut that down.
Now the book is about shutting things down.
The next book about is on leadership.
But what you've got in the book there is really
an, a way to shut that down.
You need to be able to switch off.
Most people don't.
If you can switch off that mental chatter,
imagine if you're having a discussion with
your partner.
How amazing will that chat be?
Imagine if you have that sense of presence
when you are speaking.
You know that focus?
Would you like to know how good your focus
will be, guys, if you can get good at this
stuff?
Would you like to know, yes or no?
Yep.
Ok, everybody stand up for a second.
How much time do we have by the way?
It's about 12:54.
About 5 minutes.
Ok.
I'll be really quick.
Ok.
This is, so remember the focu-, you remember
how your mind was wandering?
Yeah?
Your mind was wandering.
I want to show you that if you'd get this
skill.
If you build some mental bench strength.
If you build some mental resilience, this
is what your focus will be.
So just, I want to, I want you to think about
what's gonna happen to your thoughts.
Ok.
So I'm gonna ask you to breathe in.
I'm gonna ask you to breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
And then hold your breath.
Ok, ready?
Breathe in.
[inhaling] Breathe out.
[exhaling] Breathe in.
[inhaling] Breathe out.
[exhaling] Now keep your breath out.
Don't breath in.
Just hold your breath.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight, Nine, Ten.
Breathe in.
[exhaling] Sit down.
So when I was about eight or nine, I promise
you you weren't thinking about anything else
except about when is that bloody Kamal going
to say ten?
You with me, true or false?
Wouldn't you love that kind of intensity and
that type of focus in your relationships?
Or what about with your work?
Yeah?
The orange box is where true genius comes
from.
Where was Einstein when he discovered E=mc2?
Not in an office.
[laughing] He, he was, he was 54:51.6 [laughter]
Where was Archimedes when he discovered, eureka,
eureka, I found it, the general displacement
of water theory?
In the bathtub.
Yep.
You need the orange box.
Ok.
I've run out of time.
I have this much content.
I have this much time, so I had to skip through
a few things.
I'd like to finish up with a story if I may.
Would that be ok?
I think stories have the ability to transform
lives, so part of my healing process was we
do a lot of work with prevention of youth
suicide.
We do a lot of prevention, so, we do a lot
of work with kids that are traumatized and
we, we help them.
We do a lot of work around the world with
rescuing young girls from sexual slavery.
So we do some work in Nepal and India.
If you'd like to find more information, love
your help.
So that was a sales pitch.
There's a lady by the name of Anuradha Koirala,
if you could Google her that would be great.
She, you know she rescues girls that have
been kidnapped into sexual slavery as young
as six.
They are pumped full of hormones until they're
eight.
They're raped 20-35 times a day until they're
the age of, until the age of 12.
By that time they're, they're just exhausted
mentally, physically they're just a wreck
and they're thrown out.
And there is a story that's changed my life.
And that was the story that I'm about to tell
you now.
It, it stopped me from wanting me to be a
venture capitalist to doing what I do now
and that is run a leadership firm.
And this story happened in Vietnam.
It's a story about a war.
It's a story between American GIs and the
Viet Cong.
It's about a battle that takes place that's
taken place for over three days, three days.
A lot of fighting.
Now we call these American GIs, but what was
the average age of these American GIs?
Does anybody know?
Nineteen.
Do you remember when you were 19?
I was scared of everything.
The first time some of these kids had gone
from West Virginia or Arkansas they were dropped
into a jungle.
These kids, the only way they could survive,
some of them, was to take drugs to deal with
the fear.
Yep.
Now we call these kids, these people the Viet
Cong.
But who were they really?
They were moms and dads, they were farmers,
they were accountants, they were lawyers.
They were just like you and me, true or false?
Yeah.
So this wasn't a battle between American GIs
and the Viet Cong.
It was a battle that took place between scared
young kids, yeah, and moms and dads.
You with me?
Sometimes got so bad in the, with the Viet
Cong, they used to dig tunnels.
These, the Viet Cong used to suffocate their
babies when they used to cry to death so that
they wouldn't give away their position.
This is a horrendous time.
The reason why I'm sharing this story with
you is that I think we all have a responsibility
to step up as a leader.
Google is in an amazing, amazing position
in the, the kind of in history, that you have
taken a leadership position in a very short
period of time.
I get to speak to the future leaders of Google.
How cool is this?
Maybe this story might make an impact on you.
So into this battle come six monks.
Now these six monks were not wearing army
fatigue.
They didn't have guns.
The only thing they had was their begging
bowls.
And they carried those begging bowls and they
started to walk across the patty field.
They didn't run.
They didn't hide.
They just started to walk.
[pause] What happened next was amazing.
In the words of David Bush, the Vietnam vet
that recounts this story, he said, "The fighting
stopped.
I couldn't understand why I'd want to shoot
at a person I didn't know."
And I think that is the power of presence.
Sometimes a leader's responsibility is not
to give elaborate speeches, it's just to be
present.
Thank you very much for your help.
Cheers.
[applause]
