- Oh my gosh!
(giggling)
Do I just--
- [Melissa] Hang on.
This interview brought with it
a few unique challenges.
- [Jess] Do I just clap?
(clap board)
- [Melissa] Thank you, Jess.
Lovely to meet you and sit down with you.
- Lovely to meet you too.
- [Melissa] I was expecting to meet Jess.
But not quite sure who
would actually be in
the chair across from me.
Did you have to get approval
from everybody to talk to me?
- Kind of, yeah.
I mean well, just to do this entire thing,
it is very much about everyone's
comfortability factor.
- [Melissa] The everyone,
that Jess is referring to,
are the four other identities
that live inside her.
She calls them alters
and they are all male.
Jess has Dissociative Identity Disorder
or D.I.D.
There's Jamie, a 27
year old country doctor.
- [Jess] So Jamie's the only
one with prescription lenses.
Jamie has a very upper
class British accent.
Just heading home now to
finish one of our essays.
Jamie's very intelligent,
he's very charming.
- [Melissa] Ollie, a 14 year old boy,
who has been inside of
Jess since he was seven.
- [Jess] He's a bit of a moody teenager.
I have strong opinions for a 10 year old.
(giggling)
He wanted to grow up and be a dinosaur.
(roaring)
- [Melissa] Ed, a 29 year
old punk rock hairdresser.
- [Jess] Ed is very
artsy, he's very creative.
I think I'm a bit of a dark horse.
I think that's what a lot
of people describe me as.
And he does all of this left handed.
You know, so the rest
of us are right handed.
- [Melissa] And Jake, 25 year
old Californian pop star.
- [Jess] Jake is about five foot six.
And he's like, quite slim
and lean and muscular.
Blah, keep tripping over my words.
Think I'm just too excited.
He has got this brilliant
Hollywood white smile
and he's very good looking.
(laughing)
- [Melissa] And although
Jamie, Jake, Ollie and Ed,
all see themselves as individuals,
they all exist inside Jess.
- [Jess] I think I describe
myself as quite girly.
I quite love my pink and I love like,
you know, my makeup and
I adore my pets too.
- [Melissa] How do you manage your day
so that everybody has their
own time and their own space?
- There is a structure,
you know it would be that
one of us, whoever it may
be, is up in the morning.
Generally it's Jake that
likes to take the dog out
for a walk and go out for a
bit of a run in the morning.
And then maybe Ed that'll
be out a little bit to
make lunch boxes and to set
everything out for the week.
And then I'll go into work, 9 to 5,
allowing them to have their
own space and their own time
is incredibly beneficial to
our overall mental health.
- [Melissa] Of course,
living in the one body means
they all look the same to you and I.
But venture into their inner world
and this is how they see themselves.
These are the actual images they use
to depict their appearance
and personalities.
Your alters are male.
Jess is female.
You have a female body.
Are there ever times when your alters
are uncomfortable with that?
- Yeah, so I mean, Jake is
very self conscious of the fact
that he doesn't appear
male to the outside world.
Jamie is, I think, just
as that carers role,
he's very good at taking care of me.
You know, Jamie's very good at that
and it's very much, I
think he's quite detached
from the body, really.
As is Ed and as is Ollie.
I think they don't really feel that
this body belongs to them.
- [Melissa] Jess developed
her male identities
as a way to protect herself,
after a traumatic event as a child.
Something she won't go into detail about.
Is it unusual for all of
your alters to be male?
- [Jess] I think it, having
males around all day, everyday
in my brain, really helped
me desensitise myself
to being afraid of men.
I thought, if I was a boy,
what happened to me
wouldn't have happened.
- [Melissa] Despite her disorder,
Jess lives a normal life in Wales.
Working full-time and
studying at university.
And happily married
for a year now, to Gaz.
- [Gaz] Thank you, have a good one
and I'll see you later on. Bye!
- [Melissa] What first
attracted you to her?
- I mean the typical thing
was her looks and I thought,
this is one of the most beautiful women
I have ever seen in my life.
But, after I started to get to know her,
she had the most beautiful
personality, personalities.
- Well, he asked me to be his girlfriend
three times before I accepted.
Was so frightened of him
seeing that side of me.
But, he was insistent and eventually,
when I explained, look, the
reason why I keep saying no
is because of this and I'm really worried
that you'll meet some
people in my head that'll
come forward and talk to you.
- And she explained to me,
she had people living inside of her head
and she could have conversations with them
and I just looked at her and went,
that's fine, that's awesome,
that's really, really cool.
It was just sort of one
of those expanding things
that just made her more unique
and much more of an interesting person.
- Here we are nearly 10 years later
and it still seems to be okay.
(group conversing)
- [Melissa] It's a hard
concept to understand.
But I went in open minded
and came to learn more
about this strange condition.
What do you say to the doubters?
- You need to actually meet
someone who has the condition
to really understand it properly.
- [Melissa] Not only does
Jess have a loving husband,
she also has a strong
supportive circle of friends.
Who accept her and her identities.
Sam, who did you meet first?
- So I think I met Jamie first.
Just sort of like, slotted in.
(laughing)
- [Jess] Just became a part of her life.
- Just became a part of her life, yeah.
(laughing)
- [Jess] My friends, they were great.
They'd already met all
these people in my head.
They'd never had a
problem with any of them.
- [Melissa] Jess and her
identities operate like a family.
They all have relationships
with one another
and exist in what they
call their inner world.
Jake and Jamie are brothers.
Jamie and Ed are partners.
And Ollie is Jamie and Ed's son.
Like most families, it's complex.
- [Jess] It's not as scary
as people make it out to be.
And it's not about, you know,
the axe wilding murderer round the corner.
- [Melissa] Jess and her identities
often find themselves misunderstood.
- [Woman] I've never seen
a case like this before.
- [Melissa] Misrepresented.
- [Woman] 23 identities
live in Kevin's body.
- [Melissa] Portrayed in Hollywood
as something to be afraid of.
Something dangerous.
- [Man] Someone's coming for you.
- [Girl] Who's coming?
- [Man] The Beast.
- Nobody's going to hurt you,
alters are very, very
unlikely to harm you.
And as with any mental health condition,
the likelihood is that people
with mental health issues
are more likely to be
victims than perpetrators.
- [Melissa] But for
years, it also confused
and terrified her.
- [Jess] I'd end up in
places that I didn't know,
I didn't know where I was
and I didn't know how I ended up there.
I remember one day I was like,
in a dress with the highest of heels on,
I had blisters all over
my feet, it was raining
and I had no idea where I
was or how I'd gotten there.
- [Melissa] Jess struggled to be believed
and to get the help and
diagnosis she needed.
Until she met Dr Remy Aquarone.
A psychotherapist who
specialises in D.I.D.
- [Dr Remy Aquarone] The
condition is, you could say
it's the most primitive,
fundamental, survival system.
Which nearly always applies
to overwhelming experiences
for children growing up,
usually from a very early age.
Those extreme situations
when you are powerless.
When you are in extreme
life threatening situations.
Which the brain, in a
sense, can't deal with.
- [Jess] Meeting Remy was honestly,
the biggest relief I've
ever had in my life.
And when he basically said, you know,
yes, you without a doubt, have D.I.D
and this is what you've
been suffering with,
hopefully that means I'll be
taken seriously from now on
and people will start to recognise that
this isn't just something made up,
this isn't just something on television.
This is something in real life,
that I have to suffer with daily.
- [Melissa] With Remy's help,
Jess learned to manage her identities
and create a healthy, functioning family.
- [Dr Remy Aquarone] She had an awareness
of different alters inside.
She was having to negotiate with them,
because it's a bit like a family.
If you ignore them, if you've got a family
and you keep ignoring your children,
they will eventually start
making life difficult for you.
- [Melissa] Keen to meet the members of
Jess' unique family, the next morning,
Jamie invites me over.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- I'm Jamie, nice to meet you.
- I'm Mel, nice to meet you.
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
It's striking how very
different Jamie is to Jess.
- [Jess] Come on Feeble, in you come.
- [Melissa] His accent.
Gaz was telling me that you
were devastatingly handsome.
- I am devilishly
handsome. Best, actually.
(laughing)
- [Melissa] His mannerisms.
- So, yeah.
- Describe yourself to me, physically.
- About five foot 10,
blonde hair, green eyes.
A bit of a Prince Charming type I think.
My role is basically sort
of, like a caretaker.
So I'm also like, the
number 2 next to Jess.
Like, I sort of, make
decisions, make choices
and I just look after us.
- [Melissa] The youngster in
Jess' inner world is Ollie.
- I like, I dunno, I like video games
and I like YouTube people.
- [Melissa] He's a teenager.
- [Jess] I like taking my
bike out at the moment.
- [Melissa] But this boy is living inside
the body of a grown woman.
And what do you see when
you look in the mirror?
- I see Jess.
But I dunno.
Like if I don't look in
a mirror, I know it's me.
But if I look in a mirror is
see someone else that isn't me.
- Can you paint me a picture
of your inside world?
- Yeah, we live in this
really nice big house.
I go to a private school and
yeah, it's just really nice.
- [Melissa] Now, Jess and her
alters, for the most part,
operate like a well oiled machine.
But that doesn't mean that
sharing her life and body
with four other men isn't challenging.
Who has control?
Who makes decisions?
Who has memories of
things that have happened?
And who doesn't?
They are all present to varying degrees.
And Jess has a simple way to explain it.
- Yeah so, I always say D.I.D
is very much like driving a car.
Imagine your car is the body
and whoever's in the driving
seat is driving the body,
right?
Co-consciousness is we're.
There is more than one of you in the car.
I can be driving and be
taking control of it.
I could be in the passenger seat
and sort of have an
idea of what's going on.
Or I could be in the
backseats were I can sort of,
I have much less control
and much less idea of what's going on.
Or I can be in the boot,
where I have like, no memory at all
of what's happened or what's gone on.
- [Melissa] Are there signals?
Can you feel that one of your alters
is maybe coming forward?
- You get that ping of
something's not quite you.
It can be even the fact that maybe,
if Ed's around I realise I'm
using my left hand a lot more.
Or it could be if Jamie's around,
my eyesight's starting to
go a little bit blurry.
Or it can be even cravings for foods
that I don't really like
and that means to me, oh well
somebody else must like that
and I don't know, maybe
I don't know who it is
or maybe I do.
But those are sort of the
clues that I look out for.
- [Melissa] In most
ways, Jess is a normal,
happy young woman.
She's a newlywed, has a job she loves
and is studying at university.
But Jess has Dissociative
Identity Disorder, or D.I.D.
Which means she shares her
life with four other people.
Her alters.
All male identities that live inside her.
I've absolutely have full
faith that I've been speaking
to Jess this whole time.
- Good, yes.
- [Melissa] Have I?
- Yes.
Yeah, so there's been Jake
around very close at times,
but yes, still been me.
- [Melissa] Jess started to
display some of the signs
of a switch during our interview.
How are you feeling right now?
- Yeah, a little dry in the mouth.
But fine, fine.
Very, very foggy headed.
Like, there's a lot of buzzing
around, a lot of talking.
So I guess it's been quite hard
to, not concentrate as such,
but to make sure I'm
saying the right things.
So, because I know that Jamie,
I've got Jamie, Jake and
Ollie around, so it's busy.
- [Melissa] Who's the closest?
- Oh gosh.
At the moment I couldn't tell you.
It's just like, chatter.
So I couldn't tell you at the moment.
- Would anyone else like
to talk to me today?
- Yeah, I just, yeah.
(laughing)
So like, see I know I'm
doing it now so I'm like,
I'm not making much eye contact,
my eyes are to the floor.
I'm sort of, that's like, those are like,
and I'm sort of, I tend to
rub, I know I've got makeup on,
so I'm not trying to rub my eyes
but one of my things I do,
I tend to rub over my eyes
when I'm switchy so yeah,
I know that there's, yeah,
there is something, there is
whoever that's around now.
It's fine, it's fine.
- [Melissa] Jess leaves the room
to have a moment to herself.
The privacy she needs to allow
whoever wants to meet me next,
the chance to come through.
Hi!
- Hi.
- [Melissa] The American
accent tells me Jake is here.
How are you doing?
- Okay, just warm.
- [Melissa] It's startling
how different Jake is
to the woman who was sitting
down just minutes before.
- Yeah, I got there.
- [Melissa] Not only the accent--
- Hey, in the corner,
I didn't see you there!
- [Melissa] But body language, mannerisms.
- That's my day, done.
(laughing)
- [Melissa] Everything about Jake is Jake.
So introduce me to Jake.
- Oh gosh, I guess I'd
start with the fact that
I'm really like, happy-go-lucky.
I'm more of a, definitely
more of an optimist.
I try and have a good
time no matter what we do.
- What does Jake do?
- Inner world, I am a
Hollywood actor actually
and I'm also like, a singer.
Just general teen idol.
- [Melissa] The best way to
see how Jake imagines himself
is on his social media.
Describe yourself to me, physically.
- [Jess] I'm not particularly tall.
(laughs)
I am like a pocket of fun, I guess.
I'm like five foot six and I
have like, olivey coloured skin,
like always in the sun,
tanned kind of look.
I have like, bright white
teeth and bright blue eyes
and brown fluffy hair that's kind of,
always spiky at the front.
- I'm not quite sure how to word this,
but you've described yourself to me
and the person I see is quite different.
What do you see when
you look in the mirror?
Do you only see Jake?
- When I look down and
I concentrate I know,
you know I can see the
wedding rings and stuff
that certainly aren't worn by me.
And that, it's almost
like a reality check.
It's like, if I don't
think about it, I see me.
- [Melissa] Jess has a
friendly relationship
with her male alters,
Jamie, Jake and Ollie.
But the one who has always
caused her anxiety is Ed.
He is the only one I haven't
been allowed to meet yet.
Has Ed ever tried to hurt you?
- Yeah, sometimes I come back
and I would have self harm marks,
maybe my arms, wrists, legs, thighs.
Mainly on the thighs.
And I just started, I guess,
to put two and two together.
And yeah, I think that
was the start of things
not being very well.
- [Melissa] It was only after
days of getting to know Jess
and her alters that Ed
was ready to meet me.
- Your gorgeous.
- [Melissa] Once again, I
had to introduce myself.
Well Ed, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you Mel.
- What's your relationship like with Jess?
- My relationship with Jess
is a bit of a rocky one.
But we've been working
on living harmoniously
and getting there.
And I like to think that we're
doing, we're doing all right.
- [Melissa] What makes it
difficult, what makes it rocky?
- We've just got different ways of,
we don't really see eye to eye.
But we're trying to at least be humble
and at least be on the same wavelength.
- [Melissa] When Ed is in control,
is there ever that fear that he has
the potential to harm you?
- Yeah, particularly when I was younger
it was very frightening.
It's taken me years to get to a point
where I understand how to manage him now.
And it actually wasn't until
my diagnostician said to me,
you need to stop calling Ed a bad alter,
he's not a bad altar,
he's just misunderstood.
- [Gaz] So unsettling!
(laughing)
- No one should be locked out.
Everyone has to be negotiated with,
because if you try and lock anyone out,
ultimately it will backfire.
- That was probably the best
advise I'd ever been given,
in terms of how to manage
and how to look at my altars.
- I really don't like this!
(laughing)
- [Melissa] For the
sake of family harmony,
Jess has found a way to keep both herself
and her four male altars happy.
- Don't have to like each other,
but you do have to respect
that each part of you
is there for a reason.
- [Melissa] But it's navigating
her real life relationship
with husband Gaz, that
brings unique challenges.
- [Melissa] How does that sit with you?
That you've married a woman
and the altars are males?
- It actually, it sits quite
well, I am bisexual myself,
so that in itself doesn't
bother me in the slightest.
I'm in a relationship
with Jess, she is my wife.
I do have a lovely romantic
relationship with Ed as well.
- [Melissa] I've never
asked anyone this before,
whether it's on camera or off.
Moments of intimacy.
Is there any control over who is with Gaz?
- Actually, intimacy is
a big trigger of mine,
so it means that I want to be
as far away as possible from it.
And it's something that
I am still working on
and I have had therapy
for that side of things
and it's something that
I'm improving with.
But it has been up to
Ed, as his role also,
to be intimate with my partner.
- [Melissa] But, given Jess
can switch at any moment,
it can get awkward.
(laughing)
- If I notice that she's switching
when we are being intimate in any manner,
then everything gets
stopped and pulled back
because I don't know if
Jake's going to come out,
I don't know if Ollie's going to come out,
so everything gets pulled back.
But it works out quite nicely.
I've had nine years of it, so...
(laughing)
(group conversing)
- [Melissa] In Jess' tiny Welsh village,
she also has the support of
a close circle of friends
who seem to get along with all
of her inner personalities.
Tonight, they're out with Jamie.
Who are you closest to?
- I feel like I'm insulting people!
(laughing)
- I think, this is awful
'cause Ed's a bitch.
Me and Ed have the most in common!
(laughing)
- He's my favourite as well, don't worry.
- Yeah, yeah.
Ed, I gotta be honest.
'Cause he's so, to the point.
(laughing)
- [Melissa] Jamie, can I ask you,
how important is your group of friends?
- Exceptionally important.
I think it's quite an isolating disorder.
I think a lot of people
like us are used to,
tending to be one person,
to satisfy everyone in life,
everyone they meet.
Thanks to our friends really,
we're in a much better place now,
than I think we ever
would have envisioned.
- [Melissa] Cheers to that.
- Yes.
(laughing)
Cheers everyone!
Empty glass!
Cheers!
(laughing)
- This is really nice, I like this.
- This is really nice!
- [Melissa] Today, Jess and her altars
have found a way to share
their lives and keep the peace.
- [Gaz] So unsettling.
Oh my god, the view though.
Oh that's gorgeous.
- Oh my gosh!
I'm just being accepting of
whatever happens, happens
and I'm hoping for the best
and that we can work together
and live together harmoniously.
(screams)
Oh my god, that's really quick!
(laughing)
- [Melissa] With Gaz by their side,
they have a bright future ahead of them.
- Nice one again. Ready.
- [Melissa] Do you feel very loved?
- Oh massively, I've got
five loving me at once
and it's the most beautiful thing.
- Gaz, pose for me.
I love it!
- Just nice actually,
having five people come out
that respect you as a
person and actually love you
and that is the most beautiful thing.
- [Melissa] No wonder you married him!
- I know, he's amazing!
- [Melissa] Together they can face
whatever challenges life throws at them.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
- [Melissa] All six of them.
(giggling)
- I think I'll keep you.
