-Now I thought I'd share
some of my favorite
dumbest family-fight responses
from you guys.
This first one is from
Ms. Emily Allen.
She says, "For years, my dad
has sworn he needs glasses
but my mom says he's just
not trying hard enough."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
"Come on."
-"Try harder."
-"Focus, Gerald, focus."
-"Focus!"
[ Light laughter ]
-This one is from
@Superhero4Life.
-Ooh.
-She says, "My sister and
were having a fight.
She ran out of insults
and called me a thigh."
[ Laughter ]
"You -- You thigh!"
"Well, you're --
you're a shin!"
[ Laughter ]
This is from at @jmahoney413
She says, "my sister
once screamed at me
for the entire car ride,
because I was looking
out her window."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"This is mine!
This is my window, Julia!"
-"You thigh."
[ Laughter ]
-This one is from
@kansasbradbury.
-Ooh.
-Wow.
It's a great name.
-Kansas Bradbury.
-"Kansas Bradbury."
-"At your service."
-"Good day."
"Good day to you, sir.
I happen to be Kansas Bradbury
[ Light laughter ]
I'm here.
I'm the new Manny.
Now, let me see
if this is clean."
[ Light laughter ]
[ Slap ]
"It is not clean!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Good day to you, sir."
-Kansas Bradbury.
-We'll be right back
with more Kansas Bradbury --
based on the stand-up comedy
of Kansas Bradbury.
[ Light laughter ]
He says,
"Every Daylight Savings,
my family argues about what time
we should feed the cat
so she won't be confused."
-Oh. Come on.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Don't --
-That cat's not wearing a watch?
I don't know.
-Give the cat a watch.
-This one's from @esmereld
-Hmm.
-She says, "my two brother
often argue about
who is the ugly brother.
They're identical twins."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
This one is from Rousch Chaser
She says, "We were naming
three things
we would bring
to a deserted island.
Instead of saying
his kids or his wife,
my dad said "Dua Lipa."
-Oh.
[ Laughter and applause ]
No.
-Yeah.
-That's an inside thought.
-♪♪ I've been really trying
-[ Imitates
dog ruff, pig snort ]
-Down boy.
[ Light laughter ]
This one is from @itsleahbale.
-Oh.
-She says, "My family and
once had a monthlong argumen
about whether you put on
your socks then underwear,
or underwear then socks.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-What?
-Is that a --
That's not a debate.
-It's underwear,
then socks, yeah.
-It's always underwear
and socks.
-Yeah.
-Right?
Who says socks then underwear?
-No.
I saw someone
just raise their hand.
-Someone did, and then
they put their hand down.
-It wasn't their hand.
-Oh, whoa.
[ Laughter ]
And they weren't
wearing underwear.
And those aren't socks.
[ Laughter ]
-This one is from
@metalforbreakfast.
Hey, I like that.
-Oh, rock 'n' roll.
-He says, "One time, my brothe
kept asking my mom
what the date was
over and over and over again
She got mad and grounded him
Turns out, he had a concussion."
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
What? [ Chuckles ]
Sounds like a job
for Kansas Bradbury.
-Oh, my gosh.
[ Laughter ]
This one is from @pinkeyegus
-Don't -- Don't
hang out with Pink Eye Gus
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, man.
♪♪ If it hadn't been
for Pink Eye Gus ♪♪
♪♪ I'd be married,
and not much fuss ♪♪
♪♪ Where did you come,
from where did you bus? ♪♪
♪♪ Where did you come from
Pink Eye Gus? ♪♪
He says, "my annoying aunt
made the whole family
do beach meditation with her
When she asked each of us
to describe our happy place,
my dad just said, "This trip
but without you here.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
There you have it.
Those are our "Tonight Show"
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