[yelling]
You are watching the
Action/High Energy Compilation.
[grunting]
This is full of videos that
are crazy, wild, fun, exciting--
I'm sweating.
Yeah, so, like,
comment, and subscribe,
and enjoy the show, baby!
Enjoy it, y'all!
[screams]
[applause]
Dad?
 I'm back here, son.
I got into a fight at
school.
 What?!
I got into a fight.
[laughter]
That is awesome!
Did you use the moves
I taught you?
I need a play-by-play.
Well, first, I started
with the basic clothesline.
Good choice, good choice.
Yeah, I thought so too, but
when I reached his head--
Did he duck?
No, he punched me.
Oh, well, that's all right.
Did you react
the way I taught you to?
Yeah, I flailed my arms
and stumbled backwards.
Atta boy, atta boy!
Did you make any
dramatic sounds!?
Well, I would've, but that's
when I threw up.
[laughter]
First fight jitters, huh?
Well, no, it's because
he punched me in the stomach!
Son, that doesn't mean
you need to throw up!
No, dad!
I didn't do it on purpose!
His fist made contact!
Like, physical contact?
Yeah, it didn't stop, it just
went right into my stomach!
Ah, rookie mistakes.
Yeah, I--
Clearly, this kid does not
know how to fight.
I know.
That's why I said, "Hey,
who taught you how to fight?
"You call that a punch?"
Yeah, good for you!
He needs to learn
to be more careful.
Yeah, well that just seemed
to make him more angry.
It's all right.
It's important
to show all of your emotions.
Now, did you make
an angry face in response?
I did, but his seemed
more real than mine.
Well, let me see
your angry face!
[laughter]
I don't know,
that's pretty good.
Yeah, well his was better.
Anyway, that's when
he charged at me.
Oh, man, this is exciting!
Yeah.
I tried to anticipate what
move he was gonna do--
you know, so that I could
help him do it.
Right.
What move did he use?
A punch again.
Man, this kid
is not one for variety!
[laughter]
I know!
And the thing is,
he's not even good at it!
His fist hit me again!
Right in the face!
Okay, who was reffing
this thing?
No one.
No referee, and he's making
physical contact?
What kind of fight is this?!
[laughter]
Now I've got
this stupid black eye.
Just like the time your
sister punched you in the face.
Poor girl has no control.
[laughter]
That's why I said,
"You hit like my sister!"
Yeah, what'd he say to that?
Nothing.
He just stared at me
like he was confused.
[laughter]
At least, that's what
I think he was doing.
It was hard to see
through the tears.
Then what happened?
Well, I thought, "I'm gonna
show him how it's done!"
And I said,
"This is how you punch!"
and I hit him three times
in the face,
and once in the chest,
but he hardly reacted at all!
What?
Did you punch him
the way I taught you to?
Yeah, I made
big swinging motions,
I made sure to hit my foot
on the ground at the same time.
[laughter]
But he didn't move at all--
well, that's not entirely true.
He did punch me again.
All right,
this is ridiculous!
Who is this kid's father?
I'm calling him right now.
It was Jimmy Thomas.
It was Frank Thomas's son.
Oh, I know Frank Thomas.
Better stand back, son.
This isn't
going to be pretty.
[yelling dramatically]
Frank Thomas!
I heard what your son did to
my boy today,
and I'm holding you
personally responsible!
When I find you, I'm gonna
teach you the meaning of pain!
You're gonna be
in a hospital bed for a year
eating all your meals through
a plastic tube!
Woo!
[grunts]
[cheering and clapping]
[door bell rings]
I hope that got through.
Hey, my dad made me run over
here as fast as I could
and apologize
for beating you up.
I'm really sorry.
It's okay, son.
You just need
to learn to be more careful.
If you're going to fight,
you gotta do it properly,
or someone may get hurt.
Hey!
[cheering and screaming]
I can promise you, brother,
that'll never happen again.
Jimmy, let's take a ride.
[cheering]
[siren]
Hey, buddy.
You're in my seat.
Well, why don't you just find
another seat, then, buddy?
Okay, man.
Do you want to start
something?
I wouldn't still be here
if I didn't.
[laughs]
You know, how about
I grab those handlebars
and rip them off of your face!
[crowd oos]
I was born
with this mustache,
and I will die
with this mustache.
Oh, you got one thing right!
That that is it?
[grunts]
Come at me, bro!
[grunts]
I am not scared of you--
[yells] Oh, ow, ow, ow.
Okay, that really hurt.
Okay, that really,
really hurt.
I don't know about you,
but my hand is--
[screaming] I cut my hand!
Okay, man, I did, too,
but you don't see me
being a baby about it!
[yelling] Hey!
Who you calling baby?
I oughta wipe that right off
of your--
[screams]
Oh, I cut my other hand!
You boys are pathetic!
You act like you've never
broken a bottle before--
[screams]
My eyes!
Oh, I can't see!
[gasping]
Hey, uh,
how's your hands, man?
How do you think?
[yelling] Hey, man,
you better back off--
Ow, ow!
Dang it!
I think I feel a tiny piece
of glass in my thumb!
[laughter]
Oh, those little ones
are the worst.
Can you see it?
Yeah,
let's bring it to the light.
Okay, okay,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Oh, yeah, there it is.
I see it.
Yup.
Yeah, do you have any--
you have any tweezers?
Oh, yeah, sure do.
I can't stand
getting those slivers.
Yeah, especially when they
get right under your--
[together] nails?
Yeah.
[laughter]
Easy, easy, easy.
Ow!
Yeah, this is one of them
knock-off Swiss Army Knives.
Oh, is it?
I thought it was real.
Oh, yeah, it's $10 cheaper.
No way!
Yeah.
That's cool, that's cool.
All right, I got it.
There it is.
Thanks, thanks man.
It feels so much better
than it did.
[grunts]
All right, that is it!
I'm tired of broken bottles
and bar fights.
You get out of here!
Get out!
Gotta switch to plastic!
Hey!
Get out of my seat!
Why don't you make me?
That is it!
[grunts]
[laughter]
Works for me!
[cheering]
Oh, hey, Johnson.
I put the Kurzynski account
on your desk.
Thanks, Richmond.
How was your weekend?
Oh, it was good.
Just took the kids to--
Are you eating my sandwich?
Did you pack tuna fish, too?
I knew it was you.
You're always
eating my lunches!
Oh, come off it, Richmond.
Only you
would be so despicable.
It's just a tuna sandwich!
It's not like
it's that crazy original!
Don't insult my sandwiches,
especially after eating them!
Calm yourself down.
You calm yourself down.
Whoa, hey, hey, hey!
You two stop fighting!
Richmond started it.
No, Johnson started it
when he ate my sandwich!
What kind of sandwich?
A dumb one.
How dare you!
Okay, okay.
Stop fighting!
Stephen and Adam:
[together] No!
Stop fighting!
[together] No!
Stop fighting!
[together] No!
Stop fighting!
[together] Fine!
Seriously.
What kind of sandwich?
Tuna.
Oh, boo.
Who cares?
I care!
Stop fighting!
Adam and James:
[together] No!
Stop fighting!
[together] No!
Stop fighting!
[together] No!
Stacey: Whoa, guys, hey!
Guys!
Hey, Bookman, Jones,
get in here!
I need some help!
Hey!
[slap]
[punch]
Whoa, hey, hey, guys!
Jeremy and Jason:
Stop fighting!
[with punches] Stop-- fighting--
stop-- fighting--
stop-- fighting-- stop--
[yelling]
Hey, hey!
Hey, Susie!
[all acknowledging Susie]
Those are some nice shoes,
Susie.
[grunting]
[together] Stop fighting!
[yelling].
[chanting] Stop fighting!
Matt: Gentlemen!
[chanting continues]
Gentlemen!
[chanting continues]
That is enough!
Stop fighting!
Or, I will give you
something to fight about.
[clatters]
[chanting continues]
Guys, wait!
Hold on!
Stop fighting!
Yeah, stop fighting!
All: Johnson!
Oh, sorry.
My sandwich!
I told you I didn't eat it.
But you did step on it!
[laughter]
[spits]
[yelling]
[epic music plays]
Hold it right there.
Why don't you
come on down from there, son.
You got nothing on me,
Officer Hanks.
I'm a free man.
Matt: Just come back with us.
 This doesn't have to get ugly.
[epic music begins]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[gunshot]
What were you guys
waiting for?
Seriously?
[jet engines]
[drums and bugle play]
How far away
is that asteroid?
300,000 kilometers.
We don't have much time.
[sighs]
If our boys don't make it up
there soon,
well, let's just say
I'm not going to make it
to that Michael Buble concert.
♪♪
I'm going to pretend you
mentioned someone much cooler.
So am I.
Think our boys can do it?
They're our last hope.
Heaven help us all.
[epic music plays]
[crowd cheers]
♪♪
♪♪
[music stops]
James, James.
What?
You okay?
Yeah, why?
You're walking
a little funny right now.
What?
No, no, he's right.
Did you eat
something weird today?
Get a little--
Guys, this is how
I normally walk.
Okay, well,
maybe just straighten up
and take smaller steps?
Keep your arms by your sides.
Yeah, swing your hips less.
And don't look stupid.
Let's do this.
[music starts again]
♪♪
[music stops]
James!
What?
You're really
killing the mood right now.
I don't know what you guys
are talking about.
 James, this is that
last thing we'll do
 before possibly dying all
alone in space.
I want us to look
as cool as possible.
Okay!
[music begins again]
♪♪
James!
Buddy!
Dude,
that was worse than before!
Don't blow this for us, man!
I honestly don't know
 how else to walk.
Stephen: You can't think
 of anything
except for that
janky leg just now?
No.
All right, just pay attention
to how we're walking,
and then just do your best
to mimic that.
Fine.
♪♪
James, man!
[groaning]
I'm sorry!
I'm just in my head now!
 I swear I could walk
like an hour ago!
My super hot neighbor
is here right now!
She cannot see me like this.
Okay, that's it.
 We're going to go back to
 the beginning everyone,
we're starting over.
Come on.
Wait, really?
Guys, I think we're
on kind of a time crunch!
Come on!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Get out of here!
I'm sorry!
Get out of here!
James: I'm sorry.
Sorry won't earn me
Hot Neighbor Lady's respect!
Listen.
 The fate of the world
 rests on our shoulders.
Does it really matter
how awesome we look
as we board the shuttle?
I've got an idea.
♪♪
♪♪
[explosion]
Matt: [announcing]
 Welcome back
 to the
 World Fencing Championship
 here in beautiful Paris, France
 We are down to the final
 contenders:
 Pierre de Duey and
 Bartellemeo Palladino.
 If you're just joining us,
 we have seen
 an unbelievable display
 of fencing prowess tonight.
 With both men
 tied in the points,
 let's join them now
 for their final bout.
 Pierre
 looking to strike early.
 Oh, and it's over!
 Pierre de Duey has won it
 all, ladies and gentlemen!
 Let's play that back
 in slow motion.
 Bartellemeo advances,
 Pierre backing up,
 and now comes the cross,
 and yes!
 Sparks!
 You often don't see those
 with the naked eye,
 but thank goodness for
 slow-motion technology.
 Both sabres now locked,
 and Pierre throws
 Bartellemeo aside, and--
 What's this?
 Yes, he is removing his
 regalia
 and tossing his
 mane of hair like a lion.
 Not to be outdone,
 Bartellemeo responds
 in like manner, oh, and some
 very nice flair right there!
 You have to love Bartellemeo.
 Pierre now backs up,
 side-steps a barrel,
 rolls it forward.
 Bartellemeo stops it,
 and yes,
 you probably missed this
 because it happened so fast,
 but a banquet hall was set up
 during the bout.
 Pierre now
 on top of the table,
 fencing
 around the banqueters.
 Bartellemeo upset about the
 height difference lunges--
 Oh!
 And there's some
 collateral damage.
 He does appear to be a minor
 character, so no harm, no foul.
 Pierre now jumps over the sword
 of Bartellemeo, very nice,
 and now he swings in return.
 Bartellemeo grabs a woman--
 not a move you see too often
 anymore, but still very
 effective.
 Pierre jumping off the table
 with a very nice spin.
 Pierre now advances,
 fencing around the woman.
 Bartellemeo spins
 and recomposes himself,
 and-- Oh, ho!
 What's this?
 Yes!
 Yes, it's a foot stomp!
 The only recourse that
 damsels in distress have
 to defend themselves!
 She falls into--
 Okay, that seems a
 little gratuitous,
 but she enjoys it,
 so, there it is.
 Bartellemeo, now enraged,
 comes swinging at Pierre,
 who casually defends his
 person with a classic move
 known as the "I don't even have
 to look at you,
 "and to prove it,
 I'll have a drink" defense.
 Very impressive.
 Bartellemeo, though,
 does not look pleased,
 and he winds up for a spin.
 Spinning, of course,
 is tactical suicide,
 but it's worth risking death
 because of how cool you look!
 Bartellemeo comes out of the
 spin with a crushing swing,
 blocked by Pierre.
 Pierre now
 spinning in return,
 Bartellemeo just watches,
 and, uh, what is he doing?
 Yes, yes!
 He does it!
 A classic move!
 He sliced the candles
 clean in half!
 An oldie, but a goodie.
 Pierre now moving forward--
 Oh, Bartellemeo
 calling in for support!
 His cronies
 come rushing forward!
 Pierre is in trouble!
 He is tackled to the ground
 and dog-piled, and--
 No, no!
 He gets up, and all go flying
 backwards, as is customary.
 Pierre now dueling
 three men at once.
 Can he be even more of a man
 than he is right now?
 Punched the face-- very
 unfortunate for that crony.
 That man backed into a wall,
 and now all three men
 foolishly strike
 at the exact time and place.
 Pierre throws them aside
 with seeming ease,
 despite the objections
 from the laws of physics.
 Oh, Bartellemeo now bowing
 and offering his sword
 in surrender.
 Very cle--
 No!
 He has a hidden knife!
 He has slashed Pierre across
 the hand,
 and now he is taunting
 Pierre,
 possibly by telling him that
 he killed his father years ago.
 Very nice display of classic
 villainy by Bartellemeo,
 who now seems to be having
 trouble with a certain move:
 lifting a sword
 with his foot.
 He is clearly
 not prepared for this.
 I think this move might be
 out of his wheelhouse.
 He's trying--
 There it is!
 Bartellemeo
 now back in full swing.
 He advances on Pierre,
 who throws him aside!
 Pierre now has an opportunity
 to grab a sword.
 He comes charging back
 at Bartellemeo.
 Both men now fighting
 like lions
 over the last piece of zebra!
 Pushing him backwards,
 Pierre advances,
 and now, yes!
 There it is, the strike!
 The point is awarded
 to Pierre de Duey.
 Both man shake hands
 for a fight well fought.
 I don't think we've seen
 the last of these two.
 Thank you for joining us.
 We'll see you all next year.
[jingle] Bad Karma!
[ice rushing]
[laughter]
You look like an idiot--
My face!
Ah!
[screaming]
[screams]
Aw, man.
[jingle] Bad Karma!
You would think he would know
it was, like, a terrible date.
I know.
Is it true that you--
you're doing the
gluten free thing?
 I'm trying it out.
We'll see.
 I heard that's made up, like
 something that doctors made up.
I don't know why anyone--
[crash]
[laughs]
You ate it so bad!
I shouldn't be laughing!
[crashes]
[screaming]
[jingle] Bad Karma!
Ah-- Aw, man.
Go ahead, you can laugh.
No, no.
Let me help you with that.
Aw, oh.
Thank you!
Uh, excuse me, miss.
Would you like a free
ice cream cone?
Sure!
Mine's way bigger
than your lame cone!
[laughs]
[eerie music]
[screams]
[laughs]
[thud]
[splat]
[jingle] Bad Karma!
Hope you're
enjoying the show!
[grunting]
Watch more videos!
Champion!
[laughs]
[applause]
Jason: You know what,
I don't think you guys
got the guts
to pull the trigger!
Don't push your luck, man.
I'm not afraid
to use this thing.
How long do you think we have
before he realizes
that's just a paintball gun?
Well, I've called the cops
and they're on their way,
so we just have to keep him
busy for a few minutes
until they get here.
Just play along.
What was that?
Nothing!
We were just talking about
what happened
to the last guy who broke
into our house.
Yeah!
My husband bit off his hand
and then made him look at it,
and then slapped him
for days!
Okay, honey, honey!
I love you,
but let me handle this.
You know what?
I'm not afraid of you guys!
I'm just going to walk right
out of here--
[yells]
I can't believe you
actually did it!
Oh, it hurts so bad!
I'm gonna kill you!
Don't move,
or I'll shoot you again.
Come on, man!
Just let me go!
The most valuable thing
you've got in this dump
is a 1998 Dell laptop!
[laughter]
That is an antique!
Now, you're severely injured,
so just wait there,
and when the cops arrive,
they'll give you the proper
medical attention.
Aw, man.
I can hardly feel it anymore.
That can't be a good sign.
Yeah, the bullet
went straight through, kid,
you got lucky!
What?
I need to see!
Don't turn around!
[yelling]
You shot me again?
Are you kidding me?
You gave me no choice!
What kind of sick psychopath
shoots a man
twice in the back
for petty theft?
The more you panic,
the more you bleed!
I'm bleeding?!
Oh, you got me good!
My blood is bright yellow!
What organ did you hit?
The appendix!
 What?
 That doesn't even make sense!
I had mine removed
when I was twelve!
Matt: Too many questions!
[screaming]
[laughter]
Seems excessive!
How am I still alive?
Listen.
We're all under
a lot of stress.
That's four shots
to the back!
I must have some sort of
quick healing power!
Don't make me
shoot you again!
Look!
The wounds have completely
healed themselves!
Now they just
look like really bad welts!
I'm the next Wolverine, baby!
[laughter]
Mallory: Honey,
 just let him go!
No, it's too late for that!
We're past
the point of no return!
I'm taking you down!
Freeze!
Don't move, or we'll shoot!
Go ahead!
I can take it!
No, no!
Listen to them!
Their guns are different!
Foolish humans!
No bullets can defeat me!
[grunts]
Oh, you think you've won,
mortals?
Wait until my claws grow in
and I break the prison walls
and seek out my revenge!
[grunts]
[yelling]
[gunshot]
[screaming]
 Oh, it hurts so much
 worse now!
 Oh, man!
 Apparently, my leg muscle
 does not have 
 the quick-healing power.
Stop screaming.
We'll get you to a hospital.
 Silver lining, guys.
 My blood is no longer
 bright yellow!
[cheering]
Okay, our next performance
review is Allen Miller.
Allen Miller?
All right.
Let him in.
Allen Miller, come on in.
Thank you.
Grab a seat.
Hi, Allen.
Hi.
It says here you've been
with us at Microsoft
for six months now?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
I've loved it here.
I love Microsoft
and its products.
They are my life.
Oh, really?
Because the headphones
that you left at your desk
don't look like
a Microsoft product!
Oh.
They look
like a competitor's!
I-- I mean, I just found
those in my junk drawer.
Oh.
How reassuring.
[shredding]
But, no hard feelings.
Okay--
It's true!
He has the watch!
[gasps]
Lock the door!
What?
It's just an Apple Watch!
Never speak the name
of that fruit in this building!
[laughter]
What?
What do you call the produce,
then?
Large strawberries!
[thumping]
Oh, sorry.
That was $500!
We heard tale that others in
this building
are using these unholy products,
and we want names!
Who else is involved
in this black magic?
I don't know
what you're talking about!
There must be clues
on his phone!
Give us your phone,
you unholy witch!
No!
[grunting]
This is
a violation of privacy!
I'm not a witch!
Oh, oh!
He lies!
It's his phone!
Don't let it touch your skin!
Devil, be gone!
[screaming]
Get it out, get it out!
[yelling]
Hey, that--
That was a brand new iPhone!
[screams]
He said the forbidden letter!
We do not use the letter
after H or before J here!
Okay.
What do you call your eyes?
Vision spheres!
You guys are twisted!
We are twisted?
Yet,
you claim to be Christian
and you dance with
the devil himself!
I never told you my religion!
Silence, heathen!
You are too rebellious,
and must be restrained!
Retrieve the stocks!
The what?
Yes.
You heard me!
Get in!
Why is this in here?
Okay, now be gentle,
'cause this part can hurt.
[muttering]
[screams]
Who else has betrayed
the sacred name of Bill Gates?
I don't know!
Get out his laptop!
Yes!
Ah!
Oh.
That's just
a Microsoft tablet.
Wait, no, no, no.
Don't touch it!
[sniffing]
[screams]
Look at this!
Look at it!
I can't touch it!
Blasphemy!
I swear, I--
Get the garlic
and cleansing flute!
No, no, no!
I didn't know it was in
there!
I promise!
[muttering]
You have been backyard
barbecuing with Beelzebub
too long, and now your soul
is medium-to-well done!
What?
He must be branded
with the holy Windows
of the Microsoft logo!
What?
No, stop!
Please!
Who else has betrayed and
been dabbling in the dark arts?
Okay, okay, I'll tell you!
I'll tell you!
Tom from Accounting
and Stewart from Marketing.
They're Apple users, too.
[sighs]
That wasn't so hard, was it?
Now, to further prove your
loyalty to the light,
you must still be purified!
[screaming]
[Apple power-up sound]
Siri: Ha, ha, ha, you fools.
You can never stop Apple
from taking over the world.
[laughter]
It's Siri,
the purest form of evil!
Siri: Your mom
is the purest form of evil!
Ha, ha, ha.
[groans]
[screams]
You know,
this one went way better
than our last
performance review.
It really did!
It actually went
really smoothly.
We're hitting our stride!
The flute was a good touch!
[motorcycle engine]
Stacey: All right, um,
she should be passing
by here any second.
I don't know about this, man.
She's in our English class!
Why not say hi, sometime?
Dude, this will seriously
impress her so much.
You just--
Just do your thing, and I'll
jump out and save her!
All right, fine.
[laughter]
Give me all your money!
Come on, hurry it up!
All right!
I'm sorry-- Just hold on!
Hey!
Look, pal.
[shatters]
[groans]
Are you okay?
I think so.
I'm Bryan,
from your English class.
Hi.
Hi.
You!
Dude, that really hurt!
Yeah, you bet it did!
No, like actually!
Oh, sorry.
Sorry!
Should I go easier?
Yes!
Okay.
Sorry.
Easier!
I'm here to protect you now!
Not if I have anything to say
about it, pal!
[zapping]
[laughter]
[zapping and groaning]
[shatters]
[laughter]
You leave her alone!
Dude, that kills!
Yeah, you--
Wait, was I still too rough?
I thought I was going easier!
No, that was way worse!
[laughter]
You tased me in the neck--
twice!
Oh, okay.
I think I'm getting it now.
You want me
to be more gentle.
Yes.
Okay.
Got it.
Gentle.
Okay.
He won't mess with you
anymore.
Thank you so much.
I guess I'll just be going now--
You!
[gunshot]
[screams]
You shot me in the--
[shatters]
Ow!
Where are you getting all
these flowerpots from?
Look, I'm not a mugger,
I'm his friend!
This was all an act.
What?
You were
scaring her on purpose?
My own friend.
No!
Stop!
Hey!
[shatters]
[laughter]
Why?
Arrest this guy!
He's crazy!
[protesting]
You did all that just to make
your friend look good?
Uh, yes.
Wow, that's really brave!
Oh, yeah, I guess it is.
Hey, hey.
I told you
it would impress her.
Thanks, man, I owe you one.
[applause]
[drum-kit plays]
Hey guys!
Watch this!
[grungy rock plays]
♪♪
[thuds]
Oh, my gosh!
Shaun!
You all right, man?
I think my leg's broken.
Yeah, it's broken.
Okay, it's broken.
Uh, okay.
Uh, we're calling
an ambulance.
You stay down there, okay?
We'll come to get you.
Don't worry!
I'll help him.
Watch this!
♪♪
[groans]
Dude, ah, dude!
My leg!
What are you doing?
[groaning]
What just happened?!
His leg's broken, too!
I know.
I meant in more of an
"I can't believe it!"
kind of way.
How bad is it?
It can do this
if that's any indication--
[screaming]
We're going to find
somebody--
We just got a call
about an injury.
Yes, there's two of them
down there now.
 Hey.
Watch this.
♪♪
[yelling]
♪♪
I'm okay!
[thud]
I've got an EMT down
and two others.
I'm gonna need some backup
at Two Pines Skate Park.
Hey, watch this!
♪♪
[vomits]
Are you okay?
Yeah, I just don't do well
with blood.
You're an EMT.
I--
[groans]
 We're here to help!
Watch this!
♪♪
♪♪
[thud]
Okay...
♪♪
[helicopter blades whirring]
[explosion]
This is the worst possible
turn of events!
Shaun, you okay?
Shaun: Not really.
[holy music playing]
Hey guys, watch this!
♪♪
[thunder]
Man.
We should--
Yeah,
maybe we should go.
[applause]
Okay, Timmy.
Be very careful with that!
And Susie, why don't you put
this on the mantle,
 and kids, this year, we have
a new tradition!
What's that, mom?
It's called
the Elf on the Shelf!
Every day, he'll take note of
whether you've been good or bad,
and at night he'll fly
off to the North Pole
to report to Santa!
Oh!
I'm not sure I like that.
Oh, no!
It'll be fun!
And the best part
is every morning
he'll be hiding in a new place
and we can go and find him!
But where's he going to hide?
Oh, anywhere, Susie.
He could be hiding--
anywhere.
[laughter]
I'll put him on the mantle!
Have fun, kids!
[laughter]
So, you want to play a game,
or something?
Yeah, okay!
How about Risk?
Risk is stupid!
You're stupid!
[gasps]
[muttering]
[gasps]
[muttering]
[gasps]
Why do we keep looking away?
I don't know!
He could be anywhere!
Watching,
waiting for us to slip up,
then bam!
No presents.
I'm only eight!
I can't deal
with this level of stress!
Just calm down!
We'll find that little nark,
and when we do--
Timmy!
[gasping]
[screams]
He's gathering evidence!
Since when did we start
living in Communist Russia?
[laughter]
We have to--
He's gone!
[screaming]
Oh, no!
We have to find him
before he reports back to Santa!
Where are you,
you elven gypsy?!
Check the nativity!
I'll check the poinsett--
the flowers!
[laughter]
[muttering]
[whispering]
I don't see anything!
Is he over there?
No.
I have no idea
where he could be!
[laughing maniacally]
I got him!
Get me some rope
and a tiny chair!
What are we going to do?
Whatever we have to!
Timmy!
He's gone again!
[screaming]
He escaped
using his witch magic!
Our only hope is to get him
out of the house!
He can't rat on us if he's
not around to witness anything!
But where is he?!
Where are you,
Santa's little stool pigeon?
Check the stockings!
Okay!
Be careful, he looks like
he would go for the eyes!
[muttering]
Where are you?
He's not--
[screams]
[yelling]
I got him!
Be gone from this house,
you mini-Edward Snowden!
Timmy, are you okay?
We're okay.
The nightmare is over.
[sighing]
[laughter]
[screams]
[yelling]
Kill him!
Kill him!
[yelling]
Die, tiny demon!
[crash]
[laughter]
What in the world
is going on?!
[laughter]
[applause]
We had a hard day.
It was the shelf elf, mom!
Yeah!
He knows too much.
And if he gets back to Santa,
we won't get any presents!
Is it too late
to switch to Hanukkah?
No!
I am so angry at both of you!
Why would you
trash our house like this?
What were you
possibly thinking--
[groans]
Timmy, get the rope.
Yeah.
[applause]
Yep, he is gone.
Okay, make a note:
In the future, we will no longer
throw surprise parties
for people with heart problems.
Guys, I told you
this was a bad idea!
Jeremy doesn't feel emotions
like normal people!
The shock was just too much.
This is horrible!
My hands are still shaking.
What do we do?
We bury him.
I'll get a shovel!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Guys, hold on.
Look, we've just been through
a terrible experience,
and we're not
thinking clearly.
I think everyone needs to just
sit on the couch, try to relax;
I'll make some
phone calls.
[doorbell rings]
Don't worry.
Go see.
[exaggerated whisper]
It's a cop!
[gasps]
He's gonna think
we killed Jeremy!
What do we do?
We can't let him take us!
Whoa!
Whoa, guys!
Calm down!
This was a tragic accident!
That's all.
We have nothing to hide
here.
Okay, I'm sorry, Matt.
I don't know why
we freaked out.
I don't even know
why I'm holding this thing.
[thud]
[laughter]
[gasps]
Oops.
[doorbell rings]
It's totally gonna look like
we stabbed Jeremy now!
What are we going to do?
We can't let him take us!
Whoa!
[laughter]
Guys!
Yes, this looks suspicious,
but we will only make things
worse if we try to cover it up!
Best to just calmly explain
what happened.
[sighs]
You're right again, Matt.
Whew, sorry.
Man, I don't even know
why I'm holding this thing.
[gunshot]
[gasps]
[laughter]
He's never
going to believe us now!
What do we do?
We can't let him take us!
The poison from these darts
can take a man out
in two seconds.
What?
It's for
when I go jogging at night!
Oh.
No, stop!
Stop!
There is no need to panic!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay?
It's just
the last two minutes
have been really stressful!
But, I think you're right,
I just--
[sneezes]
[laughter]
[knocks]
We can't stop framing
ourselves for Jeremy's murder!
He wasn't murdered!
Maybe he was!
I don't know, I can't keep
track of the details!
We're fugitives now,
we have to defend ourselves!
No, guys!
[thuds]
[yells] Stop!
[laughter]
[knocking]
Drop your weapons!
Get on the ground!
Put your hands on your head!
You people make me sick!
This is Officer Harkey
requesting backup at 772--
[doorbell rings
and gun fires]
[groans]
Um, you know what?
On second thought,
cancel that request.
We do not need backup.
Cancel that request.
So, any of you guys
got a shovel?
[laughter and applause]
[yelling] Subscribe!
Thank you guys for watching!
Thanks a lot!
We had so much fun!
Like, comment, and share!
Ciao, baby!
♪♪
[yells]
