(elegant music)
- The Emmys are this Sunday
and these are my guaranteed
without a doubt locks
to get the trophy.
Drama series, Pose should win
but you know they gonna
give it to Game of Thrones.
Game of Thrones had a
really fire ass season
until the finale, just
messed up the last episode.
It's like if the last track
on Illmatic was "Mambo No. 5."
Damn, man, y'all
messed up a classic.
The easy way to shorten
the Emmys to five minutes
is just put all the
Game of Thrones trophies
in a t-shirt cannon
and just shoot 'em
to wherever the HBO
people are sittin'.
Best Actor, thoom!
Best Costume Design, thoom!
Best Incest Pregnancy
Marriage Death Scene, thoom!
Yes, that really
happened in the show,
there really was some
incest pregnancy.
Comedy Series, you know this
one's goin' to Mrs. Maisel,
is it Maisel, I don't, you
know what I'm talkin' bout,
the show with lady
who left her husband
so she could go do
open mic comedy.
You know how much you
got to hate your husband
to go tell jokes to two
drunks and a trash can?
Y'all don't know how
hard open mic is.
Apparently it ain't
as hard as marriage.
Limited Series, Chernobyl's
got this one locked up.
Government cover up of
decades of nuclear fall out,
you've got raccoons with dog's
heads, you got flying bears.
That stuff in Chernobyl's so bad
it makes you wonder
what other disasters
the government coverin' up.
Look at the New York Knicks,
what's the FBI not tellin' us?
The truth needs to come out!
Why do they suck so bad?
And listen, no disrespect
to anybody else
nominated in this category
but y'all know Sir
David Attenborough
is the Beyonce of
show narration.
David Attenborough could narrate
a vacuum cleaner commercial
and I'd be sittin'
right there, enthralled.
Here on the open
expanse of carpet
the Suck Pro Power Vac dutifully
cleaning out the
deepest of stains.
And I'd be sittin' there like,
I wonder what happened next!
Structured Reality Program,
yo, man, I like Marie Kondo.
Do you understand how
gangster Marie Kondo is?
This little Japanese lady
that just comes to America
tellin' people they got too
much shit in they house.
She don't even
speak the language.
And it's no like those
other home makeover shows
where they send you away
while they clean everything
while you're gone, no,
Marie Kondo walks
you around the house
and rubs your nose in yo shit.
Every time I watch Marie
Kondo I get scared.
Hell, I went home, I
Marie Kondo'd my house,
I Marie Kondo'd my Instagram,
I Marie Kondo'd my diet,
I ate Popeye's
137 days in a row.
I'm livin' my best life
thanks to Marie Kondo.
Lead Actor in a Drama Series,
I really like Billy Porter
but I wouldn't be surprised
if they give it to
Sterling K. Brown
Sterling K. Brown is amazing
in everything he does.
He's like the Chipotle
mayo of actors,
he makes everything better.
You ever had a bad meal
with Chipotle mayo, no!
Fries, sandwiches, oatmeal,
everything is better
with Chipotle mayo.
That's Sterling K. Brown.
Give Chipotle mayo
man another Emmy.
Lead actress has to
go to Viola Davis.
Viola Davis is the only
actor that could win an Emmy
and then her acceptance
speech could also win an Emmy,
she's that damn good.
As soon as she get up there
you know she gonna
be movin' people.
I stand before you,
not as an actor,
but as a voice
for the voiceless!
And then everybody
start clappin',
Taraji P. Henson slow clap,
they cut to Sterling K. Brown,
he cryin' in the
crowd somewhere.
And then, bow, they
shoot another trophy
out the t-shirt cannon at
Viola Davis and she catch it.
Okay, those are my predictions,
I will be at the
Emmys Sunday night
tryna get a picture
with Brienne of Tarth
and catch one of them HBO
trophies out the t-shirt gun.
Brienne, what's up, baby?
(elegant music)
