'Have fun superhuman.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Let’s listen to him scream’
We looking at Argoman The Fantastic Superman.
‘Ha hah!’
An Italian superhero with a dark side.
‘Kill each other’
The crown jewels have been stolen,
'Obvously no common criminal could do this.'
As meet Sir Reginald Hoover an impossibly wealthy playboy with extraordinary powers.
’Excellent time sir, 33 minutes and 9 seconds submerged’
But of course, superheroes must have a weakness or fatal flaw or there’s no jeopardy & with Argoman...
‘What I need right now is a bit of female companionship’
Not such a flaw you might say, but...
‘Sure I lose my powers afterwards for 6 hours, but I can see we are in no danger’
Still, nothing going on right now so he browses through his slideshow of girlfriends,
'There's Margo, that little charmer from Paris.'
'Or the mysterious Anada, with her oriental approach.'
'Or Akito, skilled in Japanese charm.'
Tinder in 1967, Finally settling on Samantha.
‘Hey Samantha’
‘Oh my it’s you’
But it’ll take her time to get here and there’s a woman passing in a hovercraft right now.
‘With a bit of telekinetics we’ll bring her right here’
If you have to hijack women then play a game to get them into bed.
‘If I happen to hit the white target’
maybe you’re not the ladies’ man you thought you were.
Though it does work.
I was incredible.
‘Sometimes I prefer not to have my super powers if only to make my advaentures a bit more difficult’
Back in London...
‘It’s the crown of St. Edward’
The theft was just a calling card, what supervillainess Jennabel wants is the Muradoff A 4,
‘It will permeate and destroy your volition’
a giant diamond with amazing properties,
'Do you have any idea the power contained in this gem made of pure carbon with reflective rays of light.'
The next step in her convoluted plan is to rob a bank but…
'Perhaps there is someone in the crowd known to you.'
Jennabel is the hovercraft girl and deliberately seduced Argoman to take him out of the equation for 6 hours.
‘A splendid young woman’
Great plan, but...
‘To recover your superpowers takes 6 hours time, 18 minutes more’
it apparently takes her 5 hours and 42 minutes to get her shit together for the heist,
and Argoman has a work-around.
‘Go ahead’
‘Alright’
He sends Samantha in instead, she doesn’t have superpowers either but…
Argoman hides in the getaway van.
Badly. But just as things look bad...
The theft is thwarted, and yet…
‘As you know I am in possession of 3 billion francs’
Jennabel’s plan is to hold France’s economy to ransom by distributing the stolen money to the people…
which is the least evil plan ever – unless they handover the Muradoff. But, didn’t Argoman stop the robbery?
‘Who gives a damn?’
A lot of this film I really didn’t follow, but look, a robot elevator attendant.
What an age we live in. This is the most James Bond part of the film.
‘Lovely place but I don’t see the bar’
as Argoman is taken to Jennabel’s headquarters.
‘Poor Sir Reginald, who knows what tortures he must be suffering’
Given his powers, why isn’t Argoman doing something?
‘You forget, I can destroy your little hideaway in a matter of seconds’
But…
'watch her.'
Samantha has been captured – at some point – and is menaced by the elevator robot.
Argoman saves her.
'How about having dinner with me?'
Then leaves.
‘Do you think it’s enough finding her base and then fleeing’
He doesn’t even find out her plans, so she continues to use the Muradoff to replace public figures with doubles loyal to her.
‘As many loyal automatons as I please’
Argoman takes out 3 at an embassy reception,
#gun shots#
but the police don’t know he’s a good guy and give chase,
‘You’re trapped now Argoman’
Me? Argoman? Just because I’m holding his costume and doing my shirt up.
‘It was as if I was caught up in a cyclone’
This makes Clark Kent look like a master of disguise.
‘But can’t you simply tell the truth about it?’
Another good point, but by now I wasn’t expecting logic.
Argoman returns to Jennabel’s base to do what he should and could have done earlier.
Doesn’t even take long.
Well that was ridiculously easy.
'Arogman!Argoman'
but… What?
‘She tricked me with these doubles’
Oh right. I imagine the real Jennabe, now escaping by planel will be much harder to kill.
No. And then...
'thank you for the heavenly hat.'
he steals the crown. Because the filmmakers want him to be simultaneously Superman and Diabolik,
‘Your instincts are Diabolik’
which are conflicting goals.
‘He’s still a criminal you know, don’t forget that’
Here’s the problem, he does have a weakness; sex is his Kryptonite & that could work in a campy film like this,
except it sets him back 18 minutes in the first half and is never relevant again.
‘Would you like to be my consort?’
He wouldn’t. For the rest of the film he is prudently celibate,
which is absolutely the right thing to do but does tread on the jeopardy.
‘You would be dead a hundred times over if not for those super powers.'
Also, and I’ll admit this is a minor point, Sir Reginald Hoover is one of the richest men in the world,
and this is the best costume he could get?
He wasn't the Minister, he was a puppet of Jennibals, now you see how she conquer the world?'
'He's a criminal maniac! Seize him!'
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Who are the other too powerful superheroes, the ones whose abilities cancel out all the drama?
Let us know in the comments below.
'I think we better leave too.'
