

### The Boulevarde

### Danny Khoury

SMASHWORDS EDITION

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PUBLISHED BY:

Danny Khoury on Smashwords

The Boulevarde

Copyright © 2009 by Danny Khoury

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

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1

Johnno awakens to the alarm of the novel retro clock radio that he had bought on special from K-mart one week earlier.

The flat still smelt like stale beer, the aftermath of having his mates over the night before.

Twenty-six years of age and an only child, he had yet to seriously commit to anything in what appeared to be a superficial plateau period in his life, a period where he felt like he was just going through the motions and coasting along his merry way.

He had wavy blonde hair; blue eye's, was 5 foot 5 and exercised regularly.

Girls had often complimented him on his appearance, he had washboard abs, and sit-ups happened to be his favourite exercise.

At school, he excelled at the track and field events, 'you have natural ability' he remembered his phys. Ed. Teacher constantly complimenting him on his aptitude. He was an excellent baseball pitcher as he had even made the state schoolboys representative squad. He continued to run on the treadmill post high school which was enough for him to maintain his high fitness level. Slowly and gingerly he sat up, and then flung himself into a mini-power walk as he got vertical, eyes still closed and almost tripping over his doona as it entangled around his left leg in his tracks.

He managed to shake it free after several steps leaving the doona behind in his wake.

Johnno had a distinct pigeon-toed walk and a prominent bounce to his walking-action.

To people that never knew him, it would appear like he had attitude, when in reality he really wasn't _that_ aware of any eccentricities in his walk.

Glaring at the dehydrated image staring back at him in the bathroom mirror he mumbles,

"Today is the day Johnno scores a job, not! Don't be so negative 'TEP'!"

'Tep' was the nick- name he gave to the alternate voice in his head, 'The eternal pessimist'.

'Tep' stood for everything that Johnno wasn't, he was negative; a racist, vulgar, sexist, crude and crass, was quick to highlight Johnno's failures and was quiet as a mouse in regards to any sort of mild positive reinforcement.

Ultimately, Tep was always 'lurking in the background _'_ ready to put self doubt in his head at any given moment.

Tep had set him back a lot in the past, and would grace him with an uninvited guest appearance, _'_ a cameo _'_ so to speak, especially when he wasn't sequestered in time by the logical Johnno, the true Johnno.

Johnno had a job interview later on that morning and could do without Tep's infernal ramblings.

After serving up his ritualistic bowl of porridge, he sat to stare at the sunlight coming through the kitchen window.

Scurried footsteps approached him from behind,

"You gonna pick up ya clothes off the floor one day this century?"

"K-Mars and a good morning to you as well, fair dinkum _"_

'Mars' was the name he called his mum 'Jody', a variation on 'ma'.

Jody was thin, short and blonde; she had a red birth mark on her right cheek the size of a five cent coin that she attempted to conceal with make up.

The integrity in her character had stood the test of time, she had divorced Johnno's dad 'Bob' ten years prior because put simply he was a gambling alcoholic cheater, and eventually it all got too much for Jody.

Bob had a job as a tow truck driver but you wouldn't know it as he never assisted Jody with any form of payment in the raising of Johnno, further cementing his appropriated alias courtesy of Jody herself, 'Mr Slacker' which was probably pretty tame compared to other more suitable candidates she could have postulated.

Johnno resented his dad and not so much for being a lousy father but more so for how he treated his mother.

The amazing part of it all was that Johnno never outwardly butted in to their relationship now matter how bad a relationship it deteriorated into, as he always gave them their space to try and sort it out, and on his mum's request always respected Bob no matter what, even if he could never remember his own son's birthday (and he only had one child).

Jody did all the work in the raising of Johnno, Bob having been pre-occupied with debauchery; he never said much except when he was drunk and being openly racist which Johnno surmised to be about fifty percent of the time having never had to utilise Pythagoras theorem to calculate it (it didn't take a genius) . The fact that Bob was uneducated only exemplified matters for the worse.

It was like flogging a dead horse, hence Johnno chose to suppress the emotions and sweep them under the carpet so as to try and live in relative normalcy.

Jody taught Johnno the difference between right and wrong, but most importantly to treat people with 'respect' and 'as an equal to you' and 'always try and extend people the courtesy of being truthful' and it was those very one and the same characteristics that personified Jody to a T.

There was one time when Johnno rang a radio station to register her name for mother of the year, needless to say with thousands of entries he never heard back from them.

Johnno shifted his focus back toward Jody's face.

The skin on her face was dry and wrinkled from playing in the sun as a kid without protection which made her look a little older than her actual age which was forty four (as far as Johnno knew as he had never actually viewed her birth certificate or licence).

'The only lie permitted by a lady is in regards to her age' she would joke.

All conjecture aside, that would mean she had Johnno when she was sixteen.

'I was young and dumb!' she used to exclaim to him but then would quickly follow up with 'and I don't regret one minute of it' and would give him a reassuring squeeze on the cheek, followed by a light tap.

She was always overly animated with her announcements.

He remembered the first time he referred to her as 'Big Jody _'_ or 'Big Jodes' and not due to her size (as she was a very petite size 8) but due to the fact he called all his mates (particularly gym mates) 'Big>insert name here<' and it just spilt over into his home life, testament to the fact that he considered his mum a mate as well as a mother.

It was a little dramatic the first time he called her that in front of her friends solely due to the frivolous usage of the term 'big',

'Big' she questioned wide-eyed and bushy tailed, both hands on hips foot tapping away on the floor waiting for an explanation. After reassuring her she replied with further animation,

'Fair _-_ dinkum Jay, you'll turn me into an anorexic-bulimic before too long with comments like that'.

Jody had a good body for her age and Johnno had consistently encouraged her to go out dating; and in response she would claim that she 'didn't have time', however she did manage to find time to have a flutter on the pokies pretty regularly with her friends at the local club, go figure.

His attention refocused to the present where he caught what his mum was saying mid-sentence;

"... Ya- up half the night with the boys on the piss makin' a racket, some people gotta work in the mornin' you know!"

"K-Mars-I love you too" replied Johnno as he placed his bowl in the dish washer and gave her a peck on the cheek on the way.

He was always a little sarcastic with her when she pushed the boundaries of being overly stroppy.

Having pulled a cold piece of toast out of the toaster and held it in between her teeth, and both her hands now occupied with loaded garbage bags and a large brown purse attached to what seemed like an entourage of keys on an assortment of colourful key-rings all tucked under her armpit, she rattled them along in symphony with her thin nine carrot gold- plated bracelets and necklaces, she drops one of the bags and takes the toast out of her mouth,

"Don't forget ta clean ya room Jay, help 'us out a little wilya",

"No wuckers Big Jodes Avagood'n" replied Johnno in an exaggerated Aussie accent.

"Oh just before ya go Mars, ya got any shrappers for the toll?"

"In me dresser Jay, first draw, oh and before I forget good luck with the job interview".

Jody scurries out, the rebound on the screen door just missing her left hand as she knew how to time it perfectly so it did exactly that.

Johnno sat and resumed the onset of another daydream, this time in regard to Aussie culture.

Some of Johnno's mates were involved in 'the race riots' but not Johnno even though he truly believed in the anti-beach bullying issues, his only thought on the matter was that a peaceful protest had gotten out of hand on the count of alcohol, and never paid the topic any more mind than that.

At Uni, Johnno was an average student.

He chose to socialise with school friends during his tenure, they referred to themselves as 'The Woolooware boys' after the suburb they were raised in.

They mostly hit the surf, drank, smoked the odd joint and watched footy games together however as they approached their mid-twenties they would see less and less of each other.

He launched himself into another stroll toward the dishwasher and placed the now empty coffee cup inside of it.

He thought to himself that today was perhaps a bad day to be hung over since he rated this particular job in high stead, a job as a journalist of a local newspaper in a suburb called 'North Rocks', a suburb North of 'Parramatta', quite a fair hike from where he resided with Jody.

He had done some freelance work in the past for this newspaper; however this job was a more permanent position, and required him having to be in the office on a full-time basis.

2

Abdul noticed that across the road at the fruit shop 'Danos the Greek' had stopped in his tracks to have a conversation with the fruit shop owner.

Abdul was neatly dressed, had a strong jaw line, was tall and slender, had long brown hair uniformly slicked back that stuck to his scalp unperturbed even on the most windiest of days.

He had hazel eyes and was tanned all year round.

He was generally considered by all who knew him to be a good looking bloke; some had even used the term 'exotic' to describe him. .

He wore a white puma track suit bottom, a red polo shirt, and a silver watch with calculator keys and stop watch.

The socks were always thin white sports-socks, and he only felt comfortable in slippers, which he wore this all year round on his feet for both comfort and circulation.

On his neck he sported a silver necklace, and on the charm he had the crescent moon which was unmistakably visible.

His friends had often complimented him and said he had a certain look of 'content' on his face,

"Danos"!

The shout echoed over the street in surround-sound and he simultaneously cocked one hand up to wave, the other on his chest, a respectful humble gesture well recognised within the community.

Danos followed suit in regard to the hand on chest with the exception that he saluted with the other, he then charades a hand signal that he would be coming by later which Abdul immediately decoded.

Upon rounding up the conversation with the fruit guy, he strode off into his notorious hands joined behind the back eye's focused on the ground severely crouched forward in the upper back power-walk.

Abdul drew strength from Danos as he had recently gone through a family tragedy.

Both Abdul's parents were killed in a freak car bomb while on holidays in Lebanon only two years prior. He always found Danos to be consolatory and wise on the topic of the tragedy.

He would entertain a plethora of conflicting emotions in regard to the deaths and as a coping strategy continuously reminded himself that God had a higher purpose or concrete reason for taking them when he did, even if that reason was not instantly apparent to him or his siblings.

The tragedy left him in charge of a younger sister and brother who both still lived at home with him.

Mina (or Mandy as she liked to be called) was shy and timid.

She spent most of her time in her room.

It was hard to see how the deaths affected her as she was not very existential; however, when she was with Omar (the youngest brother of the family) they shot the breeze in secrecy for hours on end behind closed doors.

Abdul left them to their own devices in regard to recovering from their parent's passing as he had enough on his plate as it was,

'Whatever makes them feel better about the deaths, perhaps they are counselling each other?' he would exclaim to his wife Salwa.

It would appear that Omar had his fair share of mental dilemmas prior to his parents passing.

Abdul suspected that he might be gay because he had never brought a girl home, in fact in retrospect; he seemed to have an endless amount of male friends that came over that Abdul only met once or twice.

Omar and Mina shared a similar taste in music and that was the extent of Abdul's knowledge of their kinship.

3

Half an hour passed and in respect to traffic Johnno had moved twenty metres as he hit the centre of morning peak in a suburb called 'Beverly Hills'.

The traffic report on the radio mentioned a gas leak at the shops on 'King George's road Wiley Park' so all traffic was being diverted to the left down 'The Boulevarde _,_ Punchbowl' _._

'Shit' Johnno thought to himself, the route that was mentioned on the radio was just ahead and he hated going through Punchbowl as it was considered a below-par suburb at best.

As Johnno negotiated the street in question he observed the suburb signage and thought to himself as he had on numerous prior occasions 'what a bizarre name for a suburb, Punchbowl, I wonder if they made punch here back in the day or are your more likely to get punched here'. He thought about calling the newspaper to tell them that he was running late but the unfortunate fact of the matter was when he reached for the phone he'd realised that the phone was out of charge and upon attempting to turn it on it switched straight back off again,

"Dum phone, Dum me more like it for not charging it! Bugger off Tep! You'd best stay at bay today; I don't need your negativity!"

Suddenly and as if to re-enforce the superstition that bad things happen in 3s, the Corolla (in which Johnno had many a past verbal tiff with) backfired and began to stagger,

"Not now, c'mon!" his heart skipped a beat and went to his throat as he realised he was in a somewhat desolate area.

He pulled to the side of the road in neutral, engine now deadly dormant and car rolling whilst off,

"That's what you get when you have one too many beers with the boys stupid!" coaxed Tep in an attempt to provoke an internal conflict.

Tep would impose his 'bubbly' personality more frequently in situations such as the one that Johnno currently found himself in.

He did not know the first thing about car engines, but decided to pop the bonnet anyway, scanning for something that was loose or disconnected.

At that moment he had realised that he had neglected to renew his roadside assistance membership so even if his mobile did have a charge he wouldn't have anyone to ring edgewise.

After a long blank stare into the engine bay, he decided to suck it up, take it on the chin and leg-it to a public phone.

He tried his mobile once again and found that he couldn't even muster up enough battery to retrieve his mate Chuck's number (as Chuck was a mechanic who also had a tow truck back in Woolooware whom not surprisingly Johnno would ring before ringing Bob) even though Bob was also a tow-truck driver.

He figured Bob would exasperate an already stressful situation compounded by the fact that Johnno wasn't in the mood for his verbal abuse.

He decided his only option was to ring his mum as hers was the only mobile number he knew off by heart anyway.

Taking a quick look around he observed graffiti in yellow paint in what looked like Arabic writing.

Johnno shut the bonnet, put the steering lock on and locked the car before flinging himself into a walk, sunlight beaming on the back of his neck.

4

Punchbowl, the suburb Johnno currently found himself in had been a heavily dominated Lebanese area, in fact the most populated Lebanese suburb in Sydney for a long time and it had a reputation of being a rough suburb.

The neighbouring suburb of 'Lakemba' reputedly had Sydney's first Mosque which had recently been expanded.

In the same suburb the first modern day police station drive-by shooting transpired, bullets just missing the officers that were present in the station.

Johnno remembered viewing the latter on the news and suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that perhaps he was in way over his head.

Car hoons roared up the street and per chance he noticed a middle-eastern looking p-plater glaring right in his direction as if to re-iterate the fact that he was out of place.

How could this morning get any worse? Insisted Tep,

'ta mate' countered Johnno 'thanks for the confidence boost and for being the king of stating the obvious'.

Johnno had always tried to see the lighter side of every situation but was having great difficulty doing that with this particular one,

'God damn lemon shit box' he thought to himself as the footpath started to incline a little.

Don't look anyone in the eye, his paranoia began to eat at him as he passed a set of old-seventies styled orange bricked flats where on the second floor balcony a group of Muslim males and females sounded like they were getting into an argument.

As he quickly shuffled past the aggressive tone withered.

One of the men pointed down in his direction and a laugh in sued,

'Well they couldn't have been arguing then' he thought to himself

'And as long as they are happy, they're not going to attack me'.

He began to sweat as the heat bore into him exemplified by the fact that he was already visibly nervous.

After what seemed like an ice-age of a walk he finally began to enter into what he thought was a safer zone having further passed more Arabic graffiti on the walls.

He caught sight of civilisation including people, shops and a telephone booth half a k ahead.

5

Upon closing in on that very civilisation several metres past the public phone, he noticed a Muslim man sitting on one of five upside down blue milk crates lined up against the wall just outside a shop peppered in Arabic-script advertisements.

He approached the blind side of the phone and he thought he saw a stack of black material in front of it and for a split second considered the possibility that it was out of use; however at second glance he noticed that it was a Muslim lady fully covered from head to toe in black with just her eyes exposed.

He waited near enough to give the impression that he was next in line to use the phone, but not near enough to impose on her personal space (and then some).

He turned to find the man on the milk crate chewing on an apple, face firmly affixed on Johnno.

Johnno's first impression of the man was that English perhaps was not this man's first language.

Johnno had never had a conversation with anyone of Arab descent before (apart from the odd brief exchange with a petrol station attendant, shop owner, or tradesman).

There wasn't even one in his year at high school; there were some in the years after and before though not in his.

The thought of having one now made him a tad nervous, as he had no idea how to break the ice,

'Hows the surf today?' he joked in his head at the obvious scenario contradiction, them being nowhere near the beach and the man looking nothing like the stereotypical surfer.

His attention turned back to the phone,

'I wish this chick would get off so I can get back to the safety of my car' he thought to himself.

An uncomfortable and long five minutes drag out.

He turned again in the direction of the man on the milk crate to find a dead fixated leer focused right in his direction, the chewing now having slowed to a standstill.

Johnno nodded and smiled.

The man chewed on the piece of apple without a facial expression or reaction to reciprocate the smile.

6

Johnno flinched as a car backfired and his heart skipped a beat.

Another minute passed when the Muslim man on the milk crate finally broke the silence,

" _Nervous_ matey?" said the man in an almost unflawed Australian accent which both surprised and relieved Johnno instantaneously.

Someone does speak English in this suburb he thought to himself,

"Is it that obvious?" Johnno asked in a stagnated speed as he was not yet certain of the man's English cognitive ability.

"You mean aside from having it tattooed on your forehead?" joked the Muslim man.

Johnno gave a weak smile but in his nervousness it came across as awkward like he was grimacing and he was more than aware of it hence to smokescreen the visual-debacle he quickly added,

"My car broke down and my mobile is dead" feeling like he had to justify his presence and his jumpiness,

"Sit down brother, pull up a crate", said the man in a humble tone.

"Thanks bro, I can't, I havta"...

"Come on brother..." he interrupted,

"this lady is on the phone for at least forty minutes every morning, it's only been twenty five so far, trust me, I time her, she's like clockwork, every morning ringing overseas".

Johnno did not want to appear rude or frightened so he sat still not sure that the man's intentions were genuine however in the event that they were _,_ it couldn't hurt having an ally around these parts he thought to himself,

"The name is Albert" said Abdul sticking out his hand,

"John" Johnno replied not wanting to appear informal or disrespectful.

Abdul had noticed over time that people are generally impartial if he uses his 'Christian alias' (like many of his predecessors: 'Mohammed' to 'Michael', 'Hassan' to 'Harry', 'Ahmed' to 'Alan') making it a little easier on him in western society,

"Would you like a cup of tea while you wait? My wife is about to bring the kettle out".

Tep suspected that if Johnno answered yes that the tea would be poisoned.

"No thanks brother, I'll be off shortly, I'm actually running late for a job interview", looking at his watch,

"One that I've probably missed by now" he adds under his breath,

"So is that a yes to the tea?"

Johnno wasn't sure if he was joking or not and if he wasn't he was pretty insistent on the tea, why not Johnno thought to himself, his day couldn't get much worse even if it was poisoned plus Johnno did not want his new found companion to think that he was suspicious of his hospitality,

"Why not ta mate" replied Johnno after a short pause.

Abdul shouted toward the back of the shop leaning back a little on his crate and projecting his voice over his left shoulder.

The beginning of his demand was in Arabic and it ended with what sounded like to Johnno 'look _-_ run!'

Here we go Johnno thought, rudely barking orders to his wife and treating her as an inferior slave not to mention the impatience factor.

It was just like the stereotype he had in his head of Muslim men, telling her to shake a leg and run or chop!chop!- whatever the hell it was that he had just barked at her, in other words hurry up about doing it! And what's more, no please-no thank you, terrible form Tep thought to himself quietly.

Johnno went a tad red in embarrassment; Abdul sensed his uneasiness and was intuitive enough to anticipate his thoughts,

"'Shookrun' means 'thank you' in Arabic John", he said in as soft a voice as he could muster,

"Oh _,_ ok" replied Johnno in a tone as if to say thank you for educating me.

As Johnno looked around the shop he noticed a lot of products had Arabic writing.

Johnno looked around and studied his immediate surroundings.

The place looked like a semi-deli. It was very neat but there seemed to be no uniformity as to where different products could be located.

As far as Johnno could see there were three different types of nuts all in different areas on the shelves.

On the top shelf behind the counter Johnno caught a glimpse of a couple of bongo type drums and what looked like some large party-bongs next to them.

The next shelf down contained charcoal and cigarettes.

Big tins of olive oil lined the floor of the three aisles, writing in French and Arabic and pictures of light green vine leaves displayed on the front of them.

The rest of the shop was made up of products you could purchase in a supermarket, bulk spices and some bottles of a red-liquid type substance that Johnno couldn't quite decipher.

"Your shop is novel to me mate, I don't believe I have been in one quite like this before",

"Novel to you John, to me a constant dose of monotony",

Just at that moment Johnno noticed a pretty woman walk out carefully with a silver tray, two tea cups and an old style blue and white teapot, to its flanks was a gold sugar pot half opened and at least four teaspoons.

Salwa had natural beauty, she was tall and wore no make up yet her skin was like that of a porcelain doll, her eyes a crystallised blue.

Johnno tried not to stare at her for too long as not to appear disrespectful like he was gawking at her although it did take a lot of effort on his part, she was simply that attractive,

"This is my wife Salwa, Salwa, this is John",

"Hello John" said Salwa, in a peaceful softly spoken voice.

Johnno was also amazed at her fluent English.

"Hello Salwa" replied Johnno.

She smiled, turned, and walked back toward the house entrance section at the back of the shop which was clearly visible from where they sat.

Abdul proceeded to pour tea into Johnno's cup holding the lid of the tea pot carefully before pouring one for himself,

"Sugar?" enquired Abdul,

"No thanks" replied Johnno promptly, 'just in case it's Anthrax' added Tep.

"Cheers" Abdul raised his cup staring at Johnno dead in the face whilst doing so.

Johnno waited until Abdul well and truly took a big swig of his own tea before sipping on his, that way he could be sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't laced with an adverse concoction.

He did not mean to think this way but all he ever heard about Muslim people from the mass media was negative tales of crime and he had Tep's constant barrage of red alert warning signs gnawing at his cerebrum.

Bob had told him that they were deceptive devious people and would go 'out of their way to bring on the hurt' whenever they saw fit and when they felt it justified, with little to no provocation.

A couple of minutes passed in silence and having felt a little more at ease from not being instantly poisoned Johnno decided to ask a question,

"Why have you been so hospitable toward me Albert?"

Without skipping a beat Abdul answered,

"Why shouldn't I be brother?"

"You are my brother, we are all brothers and sisters, we all came from Adam and Eve didn't we?"

"Yeah but are you always this hospitable to strangers?"

"Yes" replied Abdul.

Right on queue Salwa re-emerges with another tray awash with a vast variety of biscuits.

Some of them were rectangular and long, the likes of which Johnno had never seen before.

Abdul caught Johnno eyeing them out,

"Try one", Abdul insisted,

"Please, they are fresh from the bakery, they are nice, and they're called 'Kaak'".

Johnno hesitated, and again anticipating his thoughts Abdul took a bite hoping Johnno would simply follow suit,

"I couldn't have a whole one perhaps only half",

"Whatever you are comfortable with John" said Abdul.

Johnno watched as Abdul dipped it in his tea and took another bite of the Kaak,

"MMmm, that's nice" said Abdul.

Johnno did follow suit and concurred with Abdul's comment.

Johnno's gaze was temporarily fixated on the two serving trays, the biscuits and the fancy napkins.

Far out these people are accommodating he thought to himself, with his circle of friends it was always B.Y.O beers, you would be 'God-damned' if anyone went out of their way to bestow a host to this extent, especially for someone you had just met.

Tep was still suspicious though and was not one hundred percent sure that Abdul didn't want something from him in return and amazingly Abdul pre-empts for a third time,

"Brother _"_ proposed Abdul,

"Hospitality is a big part of Lebanese culture, it is embedded in our history and part of our genetic make up as for years, we accommodated so many different empires who conquered us and to be hospitable is embedded in our blood from having to entertain a variety of different cultures over so many centuries",

'Oh no he's Lebanese -not only is he going to attempt to poison me but he will take my wallet afterward and brag about he's most recent booty to his mates',

Unfortunately Tep originally extracted more out of Abdul's comment than Johnno initially did but eventually Johnno managed to disregard Tep's stupidity long enough to again feel a little further at ease.

It suddenly occurred to him that Abdul might have no ulterior motive whatsoever other than the obvious good-Samaritan angle that was on display and temporarily felt quite comforted about that fact.

Abdul broke Johnno's chain of thought with a question of his own,

"So what job were you going for brother?"

"A writer for a local paper in North Rocks" replied Johnno,

"Ah ok, that's very interesting, I myself have always been interested in the creative field of linguistics, I even aspired to be a public relations officer in the most recent past",

"Get the?" Johnno stopped himself; "really?"

That one came out of far left field as far as Johnno was concerned, who would have ever of guessed that on this bloke thought Johnno.

He had a new found respect for Abdul and finally felt comfortable enough to continue on the conversation at a speed that he carried on with most people he spoke to in his own social spectrum back in 'the ware',

"I did a B.A in Writing and English Literature" proposed Johnno,

"Which Uni did you attend John?"

"The University of New South Wales",

"I also did my degree there!"

"Small world eh Albert?"

"And then some my brother, and then some" said Abdul with a weak smile.

Car hoons roared up the street in the opposite direction to the traffic as the lady on the phone finally finished her conversation.

She hung up the phone, picked up her shopping bags and stormed off quickly into the morning sunlight,

"Excuse me Albert; I just have to make a quick phone call",

"Go for it brother",

Johnno placed his teacup on the tray and walked toward the phone. He used the coins he was supposed to save for the toll.

A large cloud darkened 'The Boulevarde Punchbowl'.

7.

Johnno started to feel a bit queasy and light-headed as he awaited his mother to answer the phone.

A loud snapping sound cut through the air and Johnno's heart once again skipped a beat.

He suddenly felt a sharp burning pain in his right calf muscle.

He bent down to touch it, and pulled out a small metal ball-bearing embedded in his dress jeans.

He turned to find a boy with a home made sling shot being slapped in the face by his mum.

She shouted something to the boy in Arabic and all in one action snatched the sling shot from his grasp, broke it in half and threw it in the public bin near the phone.

She then turned to Johnno and said,

"Sooty, vetty sooty", but Johnno knew what she meant,

"Its ok" replied Johnno as his agitation over the incident subsided post apology.

The ringing comes to a halt on the phone piece,

"Mars",

" _Jay_? What's wrong?" squeaked the reply from the phone.

Jody feared the worst because she knew Johnno only rang her during work time if there was an issue.

"Nuthin' much Mars, car's gone lemon on me again and me mobile's out",

"Ah shit Jay! Where are ya?"

"Punchbowl", said Johnno nervously fearing Jody's overreaction.

He kept his sentence flowing and forbade her the chance to turn a mountain out of a molehill, as to overreact to a situation such as the one at hand he knew all too well to be vintage-Jodes,

"Mars could you call Chuck for us and I'll call you back in ten, you can let us know what he said",

"Well what street y'on this time?"

"The Boulevarde" and as he said the name the sun suddenly came out again as if that was the secret code word for the sun reappearing and disappearing,

"K Jay, you hol' tight and for chrissakes watchya self _",_

"No wuckers Big Jodes",

Johnno hung up and returned to his crate rubbing his calf on the way,

"Well that's gonna bruise tomorrow" he said to Abdul,

"These damn kids and their sling shots" said Abdul and then continued,

"Everything sorted with the car brother",

"Yeah, I just have to ring back in ten minutes and I'll know the full story",

Tep briefly suspected Abdul of wanting to steal the car but then Johnno considered how ridiculous a thought that was since he figured who in their right mind would steal that hunk of junk.

Johnno suddenly noticed that his accent was slightly more Aussie-accentuated when he spoke to his mum and more formal when he spoke to Albert,

"If there is anything I can do John, you need a lift anywhere or anything?"

"Thanks Albert, she'll be right brother!"

"You're welcome brother",

A Canterbury council work truck drives past and its occupants beep the horn whilst waving and smiling at Abdul.

Abdul gave them the thumbs up and resumed drinking his tea.

8.

Johnno really starts to appreciate the shade they are sitting in as the sun began to glare again with additional heat to boot.

He is about to ask something when he noticed Abdul hurl himself up from the crate and hug a big Maori fellow, they exchange warm tidings,

"Jonah cuz" he stuck his huge hand out to Johnno while introducing himself,

"Jonah, brother, this is John" said Abdul,

Johnno stood up as a gesture of respect as Abdul did with Jonah and again it came across as a little unorthodox as he had already shaken hands with him,

"How are ya mate?" asked Johnno trying to save a little face,

"Not bad cuz", replied Jonah.

Jonah was a big muscular bloke, he was wearing light blue overalls and was heavily mono-coloured tattooed with black ink; some appeared to be tribal designs, others like amateur 'jail house'-type tats due to the contour unevenness (particularly one of many crucifixes he had on his body).

He had many different names and patterns, two teardrops on his cheek under his left eye, wore light brown desert boots, and carried a large black sports bag that was half opened and looked like it had a page of a magazine poking out of the top of it.

Johnno thought him to be an unlikely acquaintance for Abdul.

"Sit down brother" said Abdul sliding a spare crate from the wall and to where Jonah stood. He appeared to be a little overprotective of the bag as he jammed it straight between his feet as he sat.

"Thanks cuz",

"What's news brother Jonah?"

"Nothin' much ay cuz, had a day off from working with me uncle at the markets ay"

"Keeping you busy?"

"Always cuz, those fruit markets ay, does your head in after a while"

There was a pause in the conversation when Johnno asked,

"How long did that one take you in the tattoo chair?" signalling/pointing toward his right forearm which barely bore any skin without any ink,

"Over three months, give or take cuz ay" replied Jonah,

"Show him your feet brother" said Abdul.

Without skipping a beat Jonah rips off his right shoe and sock and under his right foot there was a tattoo of tiger-paw prints,

"That's the same under the other foot cuz ay" added Jonah,

"Freaky stuff, did it hurt?" asked Abdul,

"Bloody oath cuz",

"You can take the pain you look like a pretty big unit" said Johnno,

"Ah yeah but the big fellas still feel physical pain like everyone else ay" said Jonah,

"Ah touché" laughed Abdul,

"People think if you're physically big that somehow you're immune to the pain",

"So there are negatives to being big and muscular then, and here I thought being like that was all glitz and glamour" said Johnno,

"Oh yeah cuz for example I like an intelligent conversation ay but when I first meet other blokes, they arc up, their speech pattern changes and they talk tougher, I feel like saying to them relax cuz, chill-out maestro".

Tep wondered if he mentioned it because he felt Johnno was going down that path with him.

The conversation suddenly goes up a beat in tempo as Jonah turns to Abdul whilst slipping his boot back on and says,

"Cuz I've been reading up on the history of bass drums ay",

"And what did it say brother?"

"It's interesting, it was saying how drums originated in Africa where tribes used to summon up earthly-Godly spirits by banging their hands on the ground and from there, a kind of rhythm developed hence you have drums that they fabricated from materials they had at their disposal at the time ay".

Tep was surprised at some of the eloquent words Jonah was using as his original impression of him was that he was a bit of a simpleton, even under the guise of Jonah's big boy stereotype comment.

"What about dancing brother?" queried Abdul?

"Different theories cuz, but again pioneered by Africans as added to the bass drums as part of the very same ceremonies",

"So it would appear that before people looked up to the heavens to their sun-gods they were looking downward, seeking out the Earth and the ground for their Gods",

Johnno suddenly made his first mental side note that when Jonah came to visit Abdul their conversations could potentially morph into a deep and meaningful, yet at the same time, he felt like he was running it via Abdul to see how he stood on certain issues.

"What is your opinion on this particular topic brother John?" asked Abdul turning to Johnno.

"Well it makes sense; many scientists believe Africans were the first people on Earth as the oldest human remains have been found on the continent, so it would make a lot of sense".

There was a slight pause as the boys took time to ingest Johnno's words.

Jonah eventually broke the silence,

"Mate I was trying to have an intelligent discussion last night ay, this family come over..."

"Oh brother" interrupted Abdul laughing again,

"Don't tell me, the Richardson's and their teenage kids? _"_

"Its true cuz ay",

Abdul turned to Johnno as if about to say something very profound,

"Brother John, Jonah has a theory that when parents have children and start a family etc that it slows or stops their capacity to learn, think, or even have an intelligent adult conversation",

"Its true cuz ay especially if the kids are in their teens, it's like all their brain cells are utilised on disciplining and bringing up their kids without any spare to go around, they get big time distracted and they have a short attention span, I would even go as far as to say it can bring on an unexpected bout of A.D.D.",

Abdul and Johnno start to laugh in unison.

"Come on brother" coaxed Abdul,

"Don't you think it's too big a generalisation to say such a thing" he added with a huge smirk,

"I'm telling ya cuz, no brain cells left over for intelligent discussion, something changes in them, it's like their Random Access Memory is full with no room to spare".

Abdul's smirk turns into a broken laugh.

Johnno now comes to another conclusion that when Abdul spoke to his friends, in stages they were topic-hoppers, that is to say they hopped from one topic to another at top speed without necessarily concluding the prior one.

The sun disappeared behind a cloud and it reminded Johnno to ring his mum for the 'John _-_ dory'.

"Excuse me brothers just need to make a quick call".

Johnno had never even used the term 'brothers' in regards to his own mates, if anything, he'd probably use the word 'fella's'.

The sun shone back over 'The Boulevarde Punchbowl'.

9.

Johnno and Jody are in the midst of deliberation...

"... Three o' clock ya serious Mars",

"Oh and one other thing Jay, I took the liberty of ringing ya ol' man so he'll be picking you up in his truck and don't worry, its ok, he's not on 'the sauce' as he promised me he wouldn't drink today, so where ya gonna be exactly so I can tell 'im?"

Beggars can't be choosers Johnno thought to himself.

In regards to his mum's question, Johnno thought of Abdul's offer and figured he felt safer sitting with him rather than in the destitute area where the car had broken down,

"Mars there's a small set of shops on 'The Boulevarde Punchbowl', I'll be sitting on a milk crate outside shop number (he turned to look at the number) forty four",

"K Jay, and for the love of Pete be careful, I gotta get back to work",

"K-Mars cheers",

Johnno wasn't totally comfortable with Bob coming to the rescue but he figured he would just run out to meet him as soon as he saw him pull up hence not giving him a chance to get out of the tow truck, as he figured his racist attitude wouldn't go down to well in this area and that is putting it mildly.

He could not recall on any occasion where Bob had helped him out prior to this one, this may have very well been an all time first- 'hoorah'.

Abdul and Jonah temporarily cease the conversation as Abdul's 'apparent concern' persisted,

"Everything ok brother, is somebody coming to get your car?"

"Yeah but it looks like I will be here with you until three o clock",

"Like I said brother, you're more than welcome, I'm here all day and I can cook us lunch",

"Don't go to any trouble on my account Albert" insisted Johnno,

"No trouble, we have to have lunch anyway don't we?"

Johnno felt like he was pushing the boundaries of over staying his welcome and was a little frustrated that he had no choice in the matter.

"We would offer to help you cuz but I don't know the first thing about car engines, I'm not mechanically minded ay",

"Me neither sorry brother" added Abdul,

"That reminds me, did you hear about the gas leak cuz?"

"Yeah I heard it on the news before, must be from that petrol station brother",

"Yeah they've diverted the cars down 'The Boulevarde Punchbowl'" said Johnno looking up and waiting for the sun to go but nothing happened,

"I wondered about all the excess cars here today" said Abdul.

10.

"I feel bad Albert; I don't want you to think you are obliged to wait with me all day, I mean if you have things to do..."

Abdul interrupted,

"Don't be silly brother, I have to be here for the business anyway, I mean I'll be up and down to serve the odd customer but other than that I will most enjoy and appreciate having the company".

When Albert worded it as he just did Johnno felt a lot better about it and now almost felt completely at ease,

"Thank you Albert" he stated sincerely,

"It's nothing brother don't even mention it",

"Would you like another tea?"

"Why not" replied Johnno and assertively added,

"Shookrun",

"Her-haaaaaaaa" Abdul smiled,

"You're a quick learner!"

"Brother Jonah, tea?"

"Ok, thanks cuz ay".

Abdul yelled out to Salwa with a long sentence in Arabic, again ending with 'shookrun' and as he said the word he turned and winked at Johnno.

There's a short pause.

"So you live in 'Punchbowl' cuz?"

Johnno suddenly felt uncomfortable but felt it was better to be frank.

"No, Woolooware" replied Johnno,

"Where's that cuz?"

"Er, um, you know, not far from, um, Cronulla",

"Ah the Cronulla race riots!" Jonah began to laugh; Johnno knew it was only a matter of time before that 'little' fact came to be disclosed,

"Yeah I know I kept right away from it ay" said Johnno nervously.

Abdul looked at Johnno suspiciously.

"You agree with the race-riots John?" asked Abdul not wasting any time,

"No- _no_ " exclaimed Johnno defensively,

"I think people initially went out to protest peacefully against the assaults on the life guards and then things got out of hand thanks or no thanks to the over-consumption of alcohol",

"I agree with you brother" said Abdul his look of suspicion subsided a tad while he nodded,

"Lucky I wasn't there cuz else I would have been set upon for being brown ay!" said Jonah.

Johnno thought to himself who in their right mind would pick on a giant that size, only someone with a death wish.

"Yeah, steer clear of static that's always been my motto" said Johnno.

There was a brief moment of silence.

"A taxi driver friend of mine said that in regard to passengers, for months after the riots rather than say 'the shire' as a destination from the city they would say the name of the suburb they were going to in the shire instead ay".

There was a silence and when it sunk in Johnno responded,

"That's interesting _,_ I never heard that before".

Just at that moment Salwa came out, this time, with a different tea pot,

"Hi Salwa" said Jonah,

"Hello brother Jonah" replied Salwa in her gentle voice.

She left the serving tray on the middle crate and went back inside.

The sun went behind a big dark cloud on The Boulevarde Punchbowl.

11.

Abdul poured the tea; there was silence as everyone watched his steady hands at work.

Johnno now hoped that neither of his present company would question him on what nationality or cultural background his friends were because there was no variety there whatsoever, put simply they were all white.

He felt he had to come from a more multi-cultural stand point so as to proof that he was not a racist as the most recent information divulged put an element of doubt in their minds, or so he thought

'Birds of a feather Johnno' taunted Tep,

'You know better to hang out with wogs'.

Johnno willed Tep away from his mind as he could only get him into trouble at this stage, the situation Johnno presently found himself in called for confidence, optimism and diplomacy, the real Johnno in a manner of speaking.

He thought back in his own history and realised he had never befriended a Maori bloke neither.

Of course he had been in conversations with Kiwi's but never actually had a friend of New Zealand background.

The more the silence grew, the more Tep harangued his head with paranoia and it became deafening for Johnno.

He did not want them to doubt his 'worldliness' so he decided he would draw attention away from the fact of where he presently lived by telling them a story which began with where he used to live, he came straight out with the story, as long as he was talking, he did not have to contend with Tep giving him a headache, so out of the blue Johnno said,

"Yeah I was brought up in the country and when I first came to this big city of Sydney I had no idea what was going on",

"What do you mean cuz?" enquired Jonah before sipping on his tea with his legs crossed out in front of him over the bag and at the same time looking confused along with Abdul,

"Well I was brought up in the country and in the bush we used to walk around barefoot, so when I first came to Sydney, on the first day, I was actually walking around the CBD barefoot".

Both Jonah and Abdul begin to smirk,

"How old were you brother?" asked Abdul,

"I was fourteen years old..."

"Everybody must have been staring at you ay",

"Everybody Jonah you have no idea, they were also pointing and giggling and they weren't very subtle about doing it either!"

In what was outwardly ironic in direct relation to Johnno's preceding comment Jonah and Abdul hesitantly chuckle themselves,

"But that's not the freakiest part!"

"You mean there's more" said Jonah looking at Abdul and covering his mouth from the laughter like a small boy,

"Sure is, wait for it, I then went down to the platform underneath George street to catch a train home, and there's this big Maori bloke sitting next to me, probably about Jonah's height just not as muscular, and he was pretty tanked, but anyway, he had an open brown paper bag next to him, and he was chewing with what looked like a minimum of one and a half burgers within his mouth cheeks, it seemed like he was chewing for an age, chewing with his eye's closed actually".

Both of them laugh again all eyes now fixed in fascination with the story that Johnno was winning them back over with, he began to increase in confidence and persevered,

"He then swallowed the contents of his mouth like a Boa Constrictor swallows a large animal and opened his red blood shot eyes and turned to me and asked 'are you hungry bro?' and I reply 'yeah a little bit, why?' he put his hand in the bag and pulled out a cheeseburger, handed it to me and said 'heya bro' and proceeded to take out another burger taking a huge bite out of it, chewing with his eyes closed again, and I thanked him and..."

"Were you freaking out cuz?" interrupted Jonah between his giggles,

"Bloody oath I was",

"What happened after that?" asked Abdul in between snickers of his own,

"Well then I proceeded to take a bite and he shouted 'oh shit!' he got up off the bench, staggered to the drink machine with his eyes still barely open, got a coin out of his pocket, grabbed a can of soft drink all with his eyes closed mind you, walked back to the seat and handed it to me and said 'sorry bro' and continued to chew on the food in his cheeks again",

They continue laughing in amazement,

"What did you do then cuz?" asked Jonah,

"I just ate my burger and drank my drink",

"Did he say anything else to you?"

"Nut, my train came soon after that, I just thanked him again and got on, when the train left he was still sitting on the bench chewing with his eyes closed",

The laughter erupted once again and when it dwindled down Jonah exclaimed,

"Actually that story doesn't surprise me, 'sharing is caring' is the Maori motto ay" as he wiped tears away from his face.

Johnno was relieved that Tep was temporarily out of his hair, his head feeling a tad clearer now.

As Abdul handed Jonah his tea he enquired,

"Have you published any of your writing brother-John?"

"Once" replied Johnno,

"Just a university publication, nothing big",

"Tell us about it cuz!" demanded Jonah,

"Oh it was just a short story, it's not funny or anything" said Johnno fearing he had just tagged himself comedy flavour of the month that he knew he could not consistently live up to, especially with Tep's constant intrusive eruptions.

"Tell us about it, we're interested in that sort of thing brother" encouraged Abdul,

"Na it was just a very amateurish and predictable story" reinforced Johnno,

"Let us be the judge of that cuz ay" said Jonah,

"You sure you really want me to bore you with it"?

"You may be bitterly disappointed",

"Of course" and "Yes" the answers simultaneously counteracted and cancelled out Johnno's attempt at downplaying his own prowess.

"Alright then let me just take a quick sip of my tea, if you guys are going to make me talk for the next ten minutes, I'll need to lubricate the old pipes",

Johnno took a big sip of his tea mainly because his throat felt a little dry, the boys follow suit as if Johnno had reminded them that it was at hand to be consumed.

"Alright then, well, it was just a science fiction story about a twenty four year old computer genius who had made a time machine, set in the year 2005".

"The morning he is actually on the verge of finishing his time machine he is on the internet on a singles website and had engaged a young lady in conversation in a chat room and after only half an hour into it, they concurrently come to the realisation that they live in each others vicinity and they immediately meet up and have a pre-mutually-agreed-upon casual booty call if you get my drift",

"That afternoon he sets the time machine to some year in the 1950's I can't remember the exact year",

"He put one of his now passed away Grandfather's suit on in order to be able to blend in, and proceeded to travel back in time to that year",

"Anyhow I go on to describe the setting for quite a few pages but in summation, he is in his own town looking around, having a great time, talking to people, etc, trying to find his Grandparents who at the time would have been toddlers",

"The first night he slept in the time machine",

"The next day he does much of the same as the first day with the added bonus that he comes across a beautiful woman who expresses her interest in him, he reciprocates by asking her out on a dinner-date, she agreed however stipulated for that to eventuate he would have to come and meet her father",

"She was very pretty by the way and he did have sexual intentions with her as his character was built up as a bit of a sexual-deviant",

"Upon meeting the father he sweet-talks him all the while trying not to give anything away in regard to him being from the future".

"God it sounds good so far" said Abdul,

"Let him finish cuz" said Jonah,

"Go on, continue cuz" added Jonah looking really into it,

"Ok, well then, to the man's initial horror the father chaperon's them to dinner, the father and he drink wine, he tells them both he is from out of town, they find him very intriguing at first but after a while his tongue starts to wildly loosen as he becomes more egotistical in the conversation and more and more intoxicated and eventually comes out with and I'll give you the next part as I recall it verbatim,

'I can't believe you need a chaperon on a date in this day and age',

'Whatever do you mean good sir?' enquired the father,

'Well in the year 2005 not only do you _not_ need to meet the father first, but you don't even have to meet the actual girl first'

'And how do you propose you do that young chap' (the father plays along),

'Well you get on the net (he said slurring the odd word), sorry (he temporarily forgot who his present company actually was) you type some words into a keyboard, what you guy's currently know as a kind of typewriter, you do that for half an hour and wham bam thank you mam you've hit a home run, and that's for physical intimacy with no strings, trust me, no dinner, no flowers, no meeting the father first, not even meeting the actual girl first".

"Well soon after that he passes out, and naturally, they think he is mad, and while he is sleeping on the couch in their house that night the father calls his neighbour who is with the FBI and the next morning has the guy arrested for being demonised and crazy"

"They drug him and put him in a straight jacket and everyone from priests to psychologists to FBI agents' interview, prod and probe him, and when the drug (a truth-syrum) kicks in he tells them the unedited full version about the future".

"The examiners come to realise that if he really thinks he is from the future and he came here in a time machine, then they have no choice other than to deduce that he is even crazier than they had originally anticipated and institutionalise him in solitary confinement in an asylum, they don't even check out his story as to where the machine is hidden and he cannot return to it, hence, he is 'Stuck in the past' which also happens to be the title of the story".

"Apart from a lot of dialogue and other filler in between, that's pretty much it in a nutshell".

"That's an amazing story brother" said Abdul,

"Sounds to me like you're a good writer".

"Ta Albert" replied Johnno promptly and efficiently wrapping Tep's mouth up with gaffer tape in an attempt to foil any sarcastic remarks in regards to Abdul's compliment as _Tep_ always doubted the genuine logistics of compliments,

"Yeah cuz, it sounds good, and it also sounds like you have an excellent memory for detail ay",

"Mate it's almost a given as a writer and it's what we rely upon the most" 'but unfortunately in you kill most of your brain cells with alcohol and pot- 'shut up Tep!'

'The little jackass temporarily breaks the gaffer tape, jackass,'

"What other things was the time travel man saying?" enquired Abdul,

"Oh he was just talking about laser hair removal, global warming, cloning, and our general typical up to date stuff as we know it today",

"Impressive _"_ said Abdul nodding as the sun came back,

"And I'll second that motion ay" said Jonah,

"Are there any prominent and noteworthy 'tricks of the trade _'_ in regard to writing that us lay non-writers would not be privy to?" asked Abdul,

Johnno thought for a few seconds before declaring,

"Well, you can acknowledge or say hello to various people such as friends and family through your text in a subtle manner by a concept, code, sentence or word, by naming a character after them or even something as subtle as punctuation, and if you do it right its just you and the person the message is meant for that know it has transpired",

"And did you do that with 'Stuck in the past'?"

"Indeed I did" admitted Johnno.

They all take a sip of their tea content with the genuine intellectual stimulation.

Jonah crosses his legs putting his right shoe on his left knee in the sunlight that had recently shifted and his left foot through the loop of the bag handle flat on the floor.

Abdul's watch-face briefly flickers a reflection of light onto Johnno's face.

A vulture descends to the footpath in front of them pecking at a piece of bread; it looked up at Johnno and held its gaze.

12.

Salwa emerged and took the serving tray with the empty tea cups as all three of them thank her and she exhibits a warm smile before retreating to the back of the store saying the word "tookrum" before leaving,

"What does that mean Albert?" asked Johnno,

"Your welcome" replied Jonah before Abdul could answer and then sarcastically added,

"Come on cuz, keep up with the lingo ay!"

Both Abdul and Johnno chuckle briefly.

Abdul again stood up suddenly and this time he was to greet a short skinny Asian bloke wearing black moccasins, a black and white striped t-shirt and bronze slacks, 'amazingly the fashion police had not arrested him as yet' added _'_ the gaffer-tape breaker'.

Johnno followed Jonahs lead as he stood up,

"Brother Bing, Brother John, and you know brother-Jonah" said Abdul.

Bing shook Johnno's hand and then shook Jonahs followed by a brief embrace; it looked funny because Jonah towered over Bing.

Abdul turned to Johnno and said,

"You've got to hear how funny this bloke is, he kills you with his one-liners",

"I am not that funny" countered Bing almost blushing,

"Don't build him up then he won't seem to be as funny ay" said Jonah,

"Fair call brother sorry about that, I move to strike the previous comment and instead, motion for a neutral conversation starter to take the pressure off, fair enough, here we go-and how's the Taxi business treating you brother?" asked Abdul,

"Ah ve'ly good" replied Bing, the first thing Johnno noticed in regards to the newbie is he replaced his _r's_ with _l's_ as he could not pronounce the _r's._

Johnno started to think to himself that he did not figure his day would turn out like this, having never had a conversation with people of many diverse denominations before, now he found himself sitting amongst a group of three different cultures.

As Bing continued talking about the cab business, Tep also reminded Johnno of his mates doing a runner on a cabbie one time because they had no money, 'relevance Tep, relevance? Countered Johnno, it wasn't me that did the runner! _'_

Bing pulled up a crate and sat whilst speaking, before Jonah interrupts,

"This is the cabbie I was telling you about before" said Jonah pointing to Bing directing his comment to Johnno,

"How long you been driving cabs Bing? Tell John!"

"Nine years", replied Bing,

'Shit and rice power still can't pronounce his _r_ 's, you would think that after nine years...' Johnno wills away Tep and cuts short his conflicted overriding thoughts by asking another question,

"And in that time have you ever had any serious trouble?" asked Johnno,

"I been mugged once, one man pull knife, nineteen ninety nine",

"What about recently?" asked Jonah,

"Not anymo'le, all c'ledit now, no cash",

"Do any people verbally abuse you brother?" asked Jonah,

"Sometime they do when they d'lunk but not often",

"Have you ever got 'the offer' from a girl ay?"

Johnno did not know why they hadn't asked him these questions on a previous occasion as it appeared as if they knew Bing pretty well and the questions being asked were the standard questions that you would ask most cabbies, and then it occurred to Johnno that perhaps by asking Jonah about his tattoos that he might have been the one to open up a can of worms that only a newbie such as him could innocently get away with, and in the process started a 'question-time pandemic.'

"Gi'l offer me but me no take, have to make money, have th'lee child'len".

There was a slight pause.

"The people of which cultural background give you the most trouble brother Bing, tell our brother John here" said Abdul smiling and putting his hand on Johnno's shoulder in an expectant sarcastic gesture like he was preparing him for the bad news,

"Always Aussie" answered Bing.

Johnno got a little embarrassed as if he was the one responsible for all the bad behaviour.

"They look like him!" said Bing pointing to Johnno and simultaneously triggering an eruption of laughter which would have made the most talented comedians proud.

What made the laughter more intense was the fact that it looked like Bing was fingering Johnno out in a police line-up.

Johnno decided to laugh along to show he was being a good sport about it all although he was a tad emotionally distraught at being cut down a peg having made some good lee-way earlier, albeit jocular.

He quickly countered with a witty response to show that he had undoubtedly taken it that way and he did so without hesitation,

"I'll ring and tell my relatives to quit behaving badly if that makes you feel better brother-Bing!" announced Johnno.

Again they all share a laugh as Johnno felt he advanced back a peg, he was finding it hard to blend in as it was without any unforeseen outside help he thought to himself, one-all.

"That's the spirit, you are starting to get our sense of humour now ay", said Jonah,

"Don't take life too se'liously b'luthers, that what I say",

The laughter intensified yet again this time at Bing's pronunciation of 'brothers' and 'seriously', Bing is also laughing at himself and in the process began to slowly work his way into the role of class clown to the relief and appreciation of Johnno as it took the pressure off him having to be funny.

There was a brief silence, in which Abdul eventually broke,

"Who's up for some coffee? With some Lebanese sweets of course",

"You read my mind cuz ay",

"Instant?"

"Up to you b'luthe'l", the word made Abdul smirk again,

"I better get up myself and prepare this one because I've already called Salwa twice this morning and she's cramming for a Uni exam",

"Oh yeah, what is she studying?" enquired Johnno,

"She's doing architectural engineering at Sydney University",

"That still freaks me out ay cuz as she only learnt English four years ago" said Jonah,

"Well" admitted Abdul stretching his arms out with a sigh,

"It takes a big man to acknowledge that his wife is smarter than he and in my particular case, not only is it true, it is hands down no contest",

"Incontestably better looking too ay cuz!", yells Jonah,

Bing laughs alone.

"Hey! I don't know about that brother, I was known as quite the ladies man in my teenage years" boasted Abdul grabbing his shirt collar and pulling it North,

"Yeah in your d'leams mate!" shouted Bing.

Everybody cracked up to the extent that Jonah almost fell off his crate.

It was evident that Abdul had a witty comeback prepared for Bing as he motioned to move his lips but instead decided to laughed it off, turn away and put his hand up and said,

"And on that note, I'm going to make the coffee boys".

13.

Johnno was totally comfortable now as the new light shed on the most recent part of the conversation proved to him that not only did these guys have a sense of humour, but they took a fair crack at one another and most importantly were able to laugh at themselves.

He had always pictured people from an Islam background to be constantly serious and ultra conservative incapable of loosening up.

The negative perceptions and stereotypes that Johnno had were quickly being disproved.

It made him focus on all the things his father Bob commented on over the years (which he did not pay much mind to anyway because he knew to take anything Bob had to utter with a big grain of salt).

Bob would say things like 'Never trust a Mozzie mate! _'_ or 'they're gonna try and convert us all! _'_ or 'it's their way or the highway! _'_ or 'they're gonna end up blowing us all up! _'_ or 'we got to kill them before they kill us!' or 'they're all terrorists!'

Johnno could not envisage a peaceful happy fellow like Albert wanting to kill him nor becoming a terrorist.

Thinking about all of his dad's dum comments only made him more bitter toward him at this point in time as his dad had never exerted any effort to learn anything about any other culture except Aussie culture, yet another characteristic to the expansive list that Johnno disliked about him.

Johnno's attention came back to the conversation, Bing had been speaking and Johnno had caught the tail end of the conversation...

"...he said he don't mind to be house husband, especially if Salwa get paid betta",

"I'd love to be one of those cuz but my missus wouldn't have a bar of it, in short, she would chuck an atomic-fit ay",

They all laugh.

Abdul returns with a massive-sized serving tray of tiny coffee cups, a large pot of coffee and a separate large decorative serving tray of Lebanese sweets",

"Woh I love those sweets ay" said Jonah,

"You can tell, you too fet!"

"It's all muscle brothers", Jonah flexes his right bicep unveiling a big ball of cement-like muscle,

'We have a modest spear chucker amongst us...Bugger-off Tep!'

Tep now reminded Johnno of a man suffering from terrets syndrome,

"Mate I wouldn't like to meet you in a dark alley late at night eh?" lilted Johnno,

"I know! I wouldn't like to meet myself either" said Jonah jokingly as he laughs loudest at his own comment.

Abdul proceeded to pour the coffee when Johnno enquired whilst pointing,

"What are they called?"

"Haven't you ever had any of those cuz?" asked Jonah and in answer to his question Johnno shook his head.

"John, that's 'hlewit el jebni' ay" said Jonah,

"Yeah whe'le you bin mate?" enquired Bing,

"Hiding unde'l'ock!"

They all laugh again.

Johnno looked down and there were four by four different types of sweets.

Abdul organised them all into four separate plates, and forks.

By the time Johnno was handed his plate Jonah and Bing were right into it,

"and hurry brother else Jonah might eat yours as well as his and then some" said Abdul with sarcastic raised eyebrows.

Johnno and Abdul laugh and so do the other two with their mouths full.

Johnno took a bite and began to chew,

"MMmm this is nice" he remarked,

"I told you cuz ay" said Jonah only coming up for air long enough to say those words and then start chomping away again.

After briefly serving a customer Abdul sat down to enjoy his indulgence along with the boys, the sun now glowing on 'The Boulevarde Punchbowl' as all masticated in contented silence.

14.

Bing and Jonah adjust their crates and move into the shade.

Jonah finished first and gratefully said,

"Thanks cuz",

"Your welcome brother Jonah, me casa tu casa" added Abdul.

Abdul placed his plate down and stood up to kiss yet another man on both cheeks as they exchange words in Arabic and the man appeared to point to Jonah's bag, they talk a little more and then the man walked off into the morning sunlight.

Abdul sits back down and wipes his hands on his pants whilst chewing the final remnants of dessert looking pensive.

Johnno recognised one of the last words he said as 'Allah'.

The word kind of lingered in the air as it was the only recognisable one by Johnno,

"Allah I understood that word" said Johnno,

"Yeah I said 'Allah Mayek' which meant 'God be with you'" said Abdul semi-defensively,

Johnno saw a window of opportunity to ask a question in regard to the topic of Allah,

"So Allah is your God eh?" enquired Johnno,

"He is all of our Gods" said Abdul.

Johnno remembered one of Bob's comments and went on the semi-defensive himself,

"Not all of ours, I mean, I'm catholic so 'Allah' is not my God",

"'Allah' is just how you say the word 'God' in Arabic brother",

"Oh ok, but doesn't your religion say that Mohammed was the son of God",

"Of course not brother, Mohammed was just a prophet of God",

"Oh ok, I didn't know that, excuse my ignorance on the topic, I mean, I feel a bit dum for not knowing that".

Johnno went a tad red in the face.

There was a slight pause and then Johnno added,

"Do you mind if I ask you questions, I mean do you mind talking about the topic?"

"Not at all brother John fire away, there is no topic that is taboo amongst brothers",

"Aawww isn't that a nice compliment" said Bing,

"I am your younger Chinese b'luthe'l",

"Well maybe not you Bing I was referring to John and myself", said Abdul in jest, giving the boys a cheeky wink,

"Was it true that the prophet was orphaned at a very young age cuz?" asked Jonah temporarily stealing Johnno's question-time thunder,

"Yes brother" replied Abdul

"Why?"

"Because it is a well known fact in the psychology world that as a coping mechanism, orphans, particularly ones without siblings, may be susceptible to making up their own little imaginary scenario slash fantasy worlds ay, their imaginations can run wild",

"So what, you're implying that the prophet was lying" asked Abdul not looking impressed,

"No cuz offcourse not I was just...." Johnno interrupted the uncomfortable moment with a question of his own,

"Who wrote the Koran?" asked Johnno,

Abduls attention was now diverted toward Johnno's direction,

"Well various calligraphers who were there at the time to hear the words, the prophet would go into these semi-trance like fits, break out into a cold sweat, and come out of the fits with words beyond even his own comprehension since he was illiterate, so in Islam, they are generally considered God's words",

"There are rumours that he held a sword to a priest's throat and forced him to write the Koran and upon completion killed the priest anyway" said Johnno,

Abdul countered immediately with,

"There is also a rumour that when Jesus was young he was playing on the roof with a boy and pushed the boy off the roof killing him instantly, that doesn't make it true does it?"

"I suppose not, point taken",

There was a brief pause before Jonah spoke,

"I've heard a story of why Muslims don't eat pork which is probably myth; do you want to hear it?"

"Be my guest brother, no topic taboo remember" said Abdul,

"Well like I said it is more likely fiction however it goes something like the prophet wanted to do a miracle just like Jesus so he placed large bags of water underneath a thinly soiled surface with the intention of striking his sword into them to draw water from the ground in front of an audience, he allegedly did this the night before which took a lot of planning and preparation, and then by morning some wild pigs with tusks had punctured them and turned the whole area into mud hence the hatred toward pigs in Islam ay",

Abdul laughed it off,

"We don't eat pork because they are dirty animals that eat their own faeces, end of story!"

Bing briefly laughs unaccompanied.

"Is it possible that rather than receiving messages from God that he was an epileptic as epileptics have been known to say words during and after their fits and have no recollection of what they said post the epileptic episode?" asked Jonah,

"The p'lophet was standing ve'l'tical du'l'ing the messages, don't epileptics fall on the g'lound?" asked Bing,

"Not necessarily, there are many different types of partial seizures and one particular type entails the person standing upright" said Jonah,

"Well to answer your original question Jonah it is possible but not probable, I mean who are we to say fourteen hundred odd years later that he wasn't getting messages from God, that would be offensive to the Islam religion, it would be like me saying Jesus turned to a life of divinity due to guilt he had over killing the boy when he was young" responded Abdul.

There was a pause.

"Didn't Mohammed kill other people though?" asked Johnno,

"He gave the order, as far as him killing it cannot be proven",

"But then how can a man of conflict be a holy man?"

"I always get that question at some point, he led his followers into battle yes, but you must remember also that Saudi Arabia at the time was a battle zone, a lot of tribes invading other tribes and so forth and to survive you would have had to have been involved in some way, so what you have to ask yourself is this, why isn't it possible for God to choose an intermediary to deliver messages to the people in a battle-type environment?"

A pause in sued, and Johnno thought he would change the line of questioning,

"So Muslims believe in heaven and hell after death obviously _yes_?" asked Johnno,

"Of course" replied Abdul,

"Do you believe that Christians can go to heaven?"

"Of course I do, the only precursor to get into heaven is to have faith in, and submit to God",

There was another pause and everyone took a sip of their coffees deep in thought, you could almost hear their minds ticking over.

Johnno gathered from Jonah's question that he had never asked Abdul any questions in regards to Islam before, and was more comfortable in knowing that he had a comrade-in-questioning in presenting them to Abdul,

"Is it true in the Koran it says that if you kill a Christian you go to heaven?"

Abdul began to laugh again,

"Of course not brother" replied Abdul calmly,

"Then how come I've heard that it is indeed the case" asserted Johnno,

"Mostly propaganda against Islam again brother",

"Then why do Muslims blow themselves up and kill other innocent people",

"Well" Abdul said with a sigh,

"There are extreme sects in every religion which is unfortunate and thank God these radicalists in Islam are a small minority",

"If we were all really like that wouldn't we have dropped everything and perpetuated a holy war when 'Bin Laden' first came out and called for one upon the whole world just after 9/11, and did we? No, and why? cos we know that he and people like him are idiots",

"But aren't they just doing what the Koran tells them?"

"No brother no, the Koran is a beautiful and peaceful book, but it is extremists who pull things out of it and twist the meaning to justify whatever heinous physical actions they want to pursue, end of story, whether it be political or otherwise, it's just like when Hitler used the bible to put forth hatred in his regime",

"I have l'ead the Ko'lan" interrupted Bing,

"ve'ly l'epetitive",

"Well they say if you don't read it in Arabic it looses a lot of its beauty in translation, I can't really substantiate edgewise because I've never read the English translation, I've only ever read it in Arabic" said Abdul,

"A Christian Palestinian lady on the internet was saying that she read it in Arabic for the first time and to her it seemed more like a 'poetry book' once ingested in Arabic ay cuz" said Jonah,

"Well she's entitled to her opinion" said Abdul sounding like he was really low on energy but at no stage loosing his cool and added,

"However again, to a devout Muslim, that would be offensive".

Another uncomfortable pause while Abdul slurped another sip of his coffee and continued,

"The only way I can make you understand in regards to your last comment is by form of 'logical reversal', if you are a devout Christian and I say that the Christian bible is a fairy tale book, would that be offensive to Christianity in your opinion?"

"Well when you put it like that" said Jonah agreeably,

Abdul suddenly spoke in a brighter more energetic voice,

"Actually you know who would be better able to explain not only Islam but all religions to you, my neighbour Sanjeev, he has a master's degree in religious studies and linguistics and you know what, if we're lucky he just might be home now because he's usually home on Mondays, I'll just give him a quick buzz".

Abdul grabs a mobile phone from his pocket and dials a key from quick-dial, Sanjeev answered straight away,

" _Sunji_ you home?" there was a pause,

"Come on down we're out the front".

Next door was an Indian restaurant and Johnno figured that this Sanjeev bloke lived on top of the shop in the second storey that was clearly visible from street level.

He looked up and caught a glimpse of a bedroom curtain moving before coming back to its original position and he figured it was just Sanjeev checking out who was out the front,

"You have to listen to this bloke brothers, he is very smart, he loves going off on a tangential tirade, he's a little unorthodox and eccentric so whatever you do don't be sarcastic with him cause he's a pretty serious type bloke, if anything ask him serious type questions and watch him go off like an energiser battery" coaxed Abdul with his mini-pep talk..

There was another pause and Johnno thought he would squeeze in one more question before Sanjeev got there,

"The concept of 'Islam' and the word 'Muslim _'_ were terms I associated with something to be feared in the past Albert",

Abdul replied assertively and without hesitation,

"Brother, don't think of us like that please, just think of us as people that believe in God period, because that's what we are!"

The words penetrated deeply, Tep had no comment (thank _God_ Johnno thought).

15.

Abdul stood up again and this time forgoes the hug and instead shook a really short skinny Indians hand, 'just when you thought you couldn't get any shorter after meeting Bing' added Tep,

"How are you brother?" he introduced Sanjeev to the group and Sanjeev acknowledged everyone verbally but did not pull up a crate, rather, he stood there hands joined at the front of his body.

He was wearing grey trousers, a dark brown collared long sleeved shirt and white tennis shoes, the brown in the shirt almost camouflaged into the colour of his skin.

"You've studied all religions yeah?" asked Abdul as if calling him to the witness stand in a court of law,

"Ah brother, I knew it was going to be something like that" said Sanjeev, his head briefly doing the notorious Indian side to side movement.

Sanjeev did not really have an Indian accent, though he did speak in two-tone, he emphasised on certain words in a sentence and as he did his fingers closed up and his hand motioned forward like he was putting a stamp on the emphasised words.

He was also a serial-blinker, he blinked often and quickly, Johnno postulated that he might have some sort of chronic eye problem,

"What are your beliefs cuz?" asked Jonah directing the question to Sanjeev,

"My religious beliefs?" asked Sanjeev,

"Yeah ay cuz, I mean I know, but tell the boys like for example, do you believe in heaven and hell?"

"Oh yes definitely but not under a guise of any specific religion",

"What you mean b'luther?" asked Bing,

"I do believe in judgement day and heaven and hell but I believe that people from all religions can go to heaven, even atheists who have led a good life".

There was a pause and going by what he just said, it was as if he was trying to clutch-start his tangential tirade and needed a push, but then he continued,

"I had a debate once with a theology professor at Uni in front of a class about his _'_ fanatical' beliefs that only Christians could go to heaven",

'If he was Christian he couldn't have been fanatical, could he?

Only Muslims are fanatical-shut up and pay attention Tep!'

Johnno's focus is interrupted briefly but brought back by Sanjeev's fluency,

"...it's simple, take two case scenarios."

"The 1st Case scenario is a man who was born a Christian but did not practice rather, he raped, pillaged, stole and murdered his whole life and on his death bed did a 180 degree turn around, confessed his sins, accepted Jesus just before dying, and then passed",

"The 2nd Case scenario is a woman who was born into and practised Islam, said her five prayers a day without missing one, fasted during every Ramadan, got married, was a dedicated wife and an exceptional mother, hardly left the house because she dedicated her life to raising her children, was a good Muslim and eventually passed away of natural causes",

"Now are you telling me that the first case scenario is going to be accepted into heaven before the 2nd?"

"Of course not, it's just not feasible!"

"And why? Because the moral of the story or the meaning behind this story is this"

"Every person will get judged on their own individual merits",

"Even the concept of God goes by different _'_ Earthly' names, but it is not to say that there isn't a powerful entity out there",

"And even if we are all worshiping this power by different names, it doesn't mean that the power is different, nor more than one _",_

"The main point of difference in regards to all religions is who this power's Earthly mediator is?"

"Can't all of them be right?"

"Should we all just start killing each other over the difference in opinion over who the Earthly mediator is?"

"Well guess what, we have been, it has been a cause of an infinite amount of deaths and we are still counting them".

There was a slight pause.

"Do Islam and Christian scholars at Uni debate often cuz?" asked Jonah,

"The Islam vs. Christianity debate has purported into both religions having certain beliefs about the other under the guise of propaganda and myth, for example, Muslim scholars believe that Jesus did not die on the cross, that he was a prophet and not the son of God and some will concede that there were prophets all the way up the 13th century all throughout Europe",

"Christians believe that Jesus was the son of God and that everyone who came after him is a false messiah and a fraud",

"Despite what you're beliefs actually are, most modern day religions should be _'_ pro _-_ life' _,_ yet there are still many deaths attributed to religion, whether it be in the name of a religion, a dedication to a religion/God- like sacrifice, like the Aztecs who sacrificed 20,000 odd men a day to their sun-God, differences of opinion in regards to religion, Muslims killing Muslims, Christians killing Christians, etc, when is it all going to end?"

"I can give you a heavy hint as to when I myself think it should end, with modern day information technology currently at our disposal, now is a good time to learn and dispel myths of propaganda for killing one another and persuading continual evil, hopefully leaving the barbaric times in the past and more humane times at hand _..._ "

"...In theory sounds great anyway in regards to that last part" interrupted Johnno.

"On a slightly different note, what do you think of Judaism cuz?" asked Jonah,

"Well, I believe that whoever it was that documented the words _'_ chosen people' in the old testament was inadvertently committing mass genocide and turbulent times in the future although they did not know that at the time, and I'm sure many rabbi's would argue with me on this point",

"How do you figure that brother Sunji?" asked Abdul,

"Well, the easiest way I can describe it is by using a small scale analogy, if you have been at a job along with a colleague, have worked just as hard or even harder, and the boss puts a work colleague of yours up high on a pedestal by giving him a compliment which was so concrete that it was irreversible, and you knew you could never aspire to obtain that very same compliment no matter how hard you worked, of course after a while you are going to start feeling envious, jealous, perhaps even resentful toward that person, as you have in a way been inadvertently eternally tagged with a dose of what we know as in the modern day as an inferiority complex",

"It could be taken a step further by saying if the unacknowledged person's emotions got the better of them, they might even think of inflicting harm to the complimentee, especially if they thought the compliment unjustified over a pro-longed period",

"Therefore I repeat and can't stress enough, and if we are talking in a life and death context as in to save lives; whoever it was that put 'pen to papyrus' the words 'chosen people' did not know it at the time _,_ but they were ignorantly causing infinite turbulent times ahead _,_ as over thousands of years that very one in the same 'inferiority complex tag' snowballed and spread to all cultures of the world that weren't Jewish, and you can never downplay the ferocity of what the words have done to the human psyche over time, especially to the religious community's psyche",

"Hence not only was the documenter at fault, the same goes for anyone who did not edit those words out or insisted on leaving them in _,_ and translating them into different languages and nothing can make me change my mind on that point as to me, its a turning point in history, and just a huge blunder! _"_

"What should have been documented instead was a Thomas Jefferson type 'all men are created equal', on equal footing and stead with God and always will be, something along those lines anyway",

"I have even doubted that God had even said those words and that it was perhaps added in by a creative scribe for if God could truly see into the future, he most certainly would have opted for the 'Thomas Jefferson version' or just as well have said God will always love forthcoming sub-cultures equally' rather than the former knowing the adversity it has caused including trouble, paranoia, and deaths",

"Many have even argued that anti-Semitism stems directly from those two words".

A long silence spread over the group as they digested Sanjeev's words.

"Speaking of presidents, Sunji I reckon you could run for president ay!" said Jonah as the group gently titter.

"He like wikipedia!" shouts Bing and they can't help but to crack up.

Abdul feels uncomfortable for a moment as he knows Sunji might take the laughter the wrong way so he cuts in with,

"Tell them the thing you told me the other day in regards to Christian preachers".

There was a pause while Sanjeev did a Blinky Bill encore before continuing on,

"Well, pulling out text for the purpose of referral or to give an example is pretty simple",

"The bible for example is an ongoing story, but think of it for a moment in context as raw text which is what it actually is as well",

"One word in a sentence can change the meaning of what came before it and after it, or even an omitted piece of syntax such as a comma, and we are not even talking about links in regard to it loosing anything in translation from its original language yet",

"Changing one word in the middle of a sentence may absolutely change the whole meaning of the sentence, keeping in mind that yet again, this is on a smaller scale",

"Henceforth, imagine what a whole sentence or verse in a middle of a paragraph and what it can do to that paragraph, or even on a larger scale again, what a paragraph can do to a chapter, and with increasing the size of the scale, and the larger and longer the text, the more tools are available at their disposal for distortion, simply because with length there are more variables to exploit",

"The only thing that is safe from this in absolution is a one word sentence",

"So my overall point on the issue is this, preachers are constantly pulling out words _,_ verses and paragraphs _,_ trying to relate them to modern day situations, twisting and turning and manipulating the meaning of the words to suit a point they are trying to make without any regard for what has come before and after it, sometimes missing the overall concept of the story being told as a whole with respect to sentence _,_ chapter _,_ story _,_ thus making whatever point they are trying to make positively obsolete!"

"It is a common scenario to pull something out of the bible text with no regard for what came before or after, put simply making it a misquote",

"I have even wincingly bared witness to the utilisation of part of a verse for analysis, which we know the whole second half of that verse can change what the first half meant",

"It was only after I did a masters degree in linguistics that I began to notice the inconsistencies",

"Nobody even questions these facts because firstly, people are there to listen and even if somebody did notice they wouldn't want to rock the boat or make a scene by questioning the preacher, and secondly, any attempt to do so would be labelled as blasphemous since the topic and presenter are both associated with general good intentions however in saying that if the preacher in question was quoting any other non-religious book, or perhaps even in a court of law, there would be a constant barrage of objections by opposing counsel on the basis of misquoting",

"The fact that almost every verse is numbered for referral does not help the preacher/ 'interpreter's' case to analyse the overall meaning efficiently, in fact on contraire, unfortunately, if anything, it again assists the preacher with more ammunition to misquote with due to the verse _-_ paragraph paradigm".

"There is a separate scenario with the text of any scripted religion that a vague sentence may be interpreted many different ways, and these different ways have evolved into sub-religions over time, and the members of these sub-religions again found the subject matter of difference in interpretation reason enough to kill _?_ ".

"Why do we put up with it all?"

"Perhaps part of the reason is the eternal need for the modern day public to be constantly entertained, and that is the very reason why we prefer to showcase the more charismatic, eccentric animated preachers, irrespective of the fact of whether they are quoting correctly or not".

There was a pause, and in his freaked out state Johnno took the opportunity for a question, he actually unconsciously put his hand up slowly as if he were in a classroom,

"What did you think of the book 'The DaVinci Code'?"

Sanjeev did not skip a beat in answering as if he had expected that very question,

"Personally, I liked the book because it promoted free thought, even if I don't really believe everything that was stated in it, and after all, it is a fictional account",

"My brother David who is a fanatical Christian was very much against it",

"After reading it for the first time, I took it to his house for him to read to see what he thought of it, and as soon as he saw the title of the book that I held in my hand and after hearing all the media reports on it, he told me and I quote 'to get that evil book out of here and you are evil for bringing it in here' and we haven't spoken since, hence, indirectly, the topic of religion has caused a rift between my brother and I, as well as infinite deaths in history, 'nice'"

"However my point on that incident is this, an intelligent mind questions things, questions every detail, and being a _'_ free thinker' and being _'_ inquisitive' does not make you evil like my brother David thinks of me",

"On contraire if you are trying to prevent more deaths due to religion or any other topic for that matter, it could only be considered a good thing",

"What do you think of those suicide bombers cuz?" asked Jonah,

And again not unlike a machine Sanjeev doesn't skip a beat in answering,

"A pre-empted deliberate death is unnatural and defeats the purpose of being here in the first place and is not the way, in-fact, if you are a believer in the afterlife, it can pre-empt your post death travels South rather than North if you get my drift, as I believe if you are a suicide bomber, you don't go to heaven",

"A death must be natural for you to travel well and that includes taking ones own life, which also goes against nature, except for people who are in unnecessary chronic pain or have an extraordinary low quality of life",

"What conclusions have you come up with having studied all world religions thoroughly?" asked Johnno,

"Well, all I can say in total confidence about religions and the study of it is the more answers you seek out the more questions you come up with".

Sanjeev waves and walks away as if having given a University lecture and had to hurry home to his wife and kids even though he was a bachelor.

"Thanks Sunji!" shouted Abdul, Sanjeev acknowledged the thank you with another wave before disappearing to the entrance of the family business,

"Did he get offence?" whispered Bing,

"No, no, that's just him, he walks off suddenly when he feels like he has nothing else to add" said Abdul,

"How interesting and intense was that _?_ And how eccentric is he _?"_ proposed Johnno, Johnno actually agreed with a lot of his views and even found some of his views were in exact accordance to Johnno's.

"He seriously needs a chill-pill, or to get laid, or all of the above" said Jonah.

"It seems that even though he is strong on the topic of religion that is has also made him cynical toward religion", said Johnno,

"Well I did warn you that he was 'pretty freaky brother'" said Abdul mimicking Sanjeev's hand movements on 'pretty freaky'.

The entire group break into laughter.

16.

"Have you even watched porn Abdul?" asked Jonah

Everyone sat there shocked.

"We were just talking about religion and then you bring up porn, did I miss a common thread here somewhere brother?"

"Oh it's just the way my mind works ay cuz, when a topic is put forward, I sometimes think of the opposite extreme to that topic",

"Well to answer your question of course I have _,_ who doesn't have the internet that hasn't seen porn, why?"

"I've been in one before" announced Jonah,

"Whaaaaat?" replied three voices in unison,

"You l'on Je'l'emy!" shouted Bing and the four of them crack up; Jonah falls off his crate prompting further laughter,

"What the? _"_ said Abdul in between his giggles,

"Ron Jeremy is a male porn actor, he's been in the industry thirty years, he's big and hairy yudda, yudda, they have nick named him 'the hedgehog' ay",

The laughter dwindled down as Johnno digressed,

"So you were saying..?"

"Yeah I acted in an amateur film once cuz but I regret it ay, anyone can put it on the net and I would be mortified if one of my nephews saw it when they are older"

Abdul sat there with a smirk with his arms crossed shaking his head and could only conjure up,

"And you think you know a person",

They all laugh again followed by a slight pause.

"Yeah I was young and dum ay" said Jonah in a semi-bashful tone,

"Was it exciting?" asked Johnno,

"To be honest at first it was, but then it got boring as it was just a matter of you taking Viagra and thrusting your hips back and forth, and even after you climax you're erect but not aroused making it more like a gym workout",

"Keep going what else?" asked Johnno seeming overly interested,

"Oh I learnt a lot about the industry such as in regard to filming, camera work, props and the like ay",

"A free sex education lesson, well this is something I wasn't counting on, enlighten us brother" said Abdul still shaking his head with his arms folded giggling.

Jonah's voice suddenly lowers,

"You know if nothing comes out in adult movies, they use egg whites and sugar, not in my particular one, but this bloke on set told me they do in the other movies ay",

"Oowoo what a waste, I can make Hong Kong omelette!" the group erupt in laughter once again at Bing's five cents,

"Also, some actors both male and female put on fake tattoo's or cover up real existing ones if they're worried about getting recognised",

"And here I thought the girls wore different coloured wigs to their natural hair colour as a disguise?"

"Oh they do that too cuz ay".

Abdul rises to his feet to serve a customer and there is a slight pause in the conversation before Johnno asked Jonah,

"Who are the most well known porn actors in adult movie making history in your opinion?"

"Probably John Holmes and Linda Lovelace ay, actually I got an article on the both of them in a recently published newspaper".

Jonah carefully pulls his foot out of the loop of the bag, he unzips it just enough to put both his hands inside of it, he shuffles the contents of the bag a little, tilts his head upward with his eye's closed as if he were calculating something, he then pulls out a rolled up newspaper and passes it to Johnno,

"Its on page three" says Jonah.

The boys continued on with the conversation as Abdul rejoins the group and Johnno reads.

The article was from a University newspaper and initially it outlined why they were well known, John Holmes for his unusually long penis length, and Linda Lovelace for the lady who revolutionised the porn world with the movie 'Deep throat'.

She later claimed that she was forced to give oral sex to men under the threat of a gun, but before the actual movie was released oral sex was not a common thing among unmarried couples.

The article then went on to say that she may have felt guilty considering the amount of women that do it in modern day times who were unmarried, like she might have started a new trend or something.

As she got into her mature years, she turned extremely religious, perhaps out of guilt, although it is pretty safe to say that if she did not do it, a succeeding pioneer for the advent of oral sex in cinematography was probably just around the corner anyway, hence there was really no reason to feel that way, if she did indeed feel that way at all.

The article then became more comprehensive claiming that there's a sect of Christians that considered oral sex a form of idolatry, the male penis being the object of worship, further solidifying the fact within this sect that nobody should get on their knees unless it was for a God in prayer.

The whole male race could physically be carrying around their own form of deity in their pants in that case figured Johnno.

In that single event, Linda Lovelace could have been said as producing and revolutionising a whole generation of idolaters, raising the bar to the standard of the performance which all woman should keep up with and live up to, her freakish 'double-jointed ness' in the throat perhaps becoming a thing to aspire to or admire.

Johnno hands the article back to Jonah,

"Far out",

"That's pretty deep excuse the pun",

"Well what that article shows us is exactly how revolutionary a turning point in history the movie actually was, not only in the sex movement, but in social attitude and in the lowering of sexual inhibitions ay cuz".

Jonah placed the newspaper on the spare crate and zipped up the bag, again putting his foot through the loop,

"You could definitely pull out other sub-debates from a story like that brother" said Abdul having read the article the day before,

"Such as?" asked Bing,

"Well firstly, was it people's past stringent attitude on sex in history, especially bible history, that brought about the advent of oral sex in the first place, perhaps humans sought another way of pleasuring another human without textually or literally going against the laws of the bible, or at the risk of getting a woman pregnant, in fact, I am willing to take it one step further and bet that the word 'sex' was not originally part of the full term oral sex as it might have been defined differently originally, and considered sex by a religious governed formal organised body at some later stage",

"Well if the male penis was seen as a miracle because it contains the seed to produce life, then the male in a way was seen as a God, the opposite theory is also true in regards to females sustaining life, hence God is in every individual",

"Then if we are going off both these assumptions, oral sex can never be considered as idolatrous, can it?"

Johnno got excited as to how interesting this topic had evolved into, more interesting than anything he had ever encountered before, and in the most unlikely of suburbs.

"Some might argue whether it is a sin to pleasure another human at all in any context, especially oral sex ay?"

"So what are you saying, everyone should just go around giving each other oral sex on the street indiscriminately?"

"No I don't mean that, all Im saying is how can it be a bad thing to make another human being feel good, with all the murders, cruelty and violent injustices there are in the world today, it just makes the oral sex issue seem trivial, doesn't it?"

"Well on a similar topic we now know through modern day science and biology that the male human body if not regularly released or relieved of sperm that the excess testosterone may manifest itself into aggression in males, enter>> all our fights, battles and wars in history as a consequence ay",

"So you're saying Hitler became an evil dictator because he wasn't getting any?" asked Abdul semi-sarcastically,

While they continued on with the conversation, Johnno's mind drifted, and whilst drifting he sat there amazed and in awe of the tattooed man that sat in front of him, mainly because of the depth of his thinking, he especially appreciated how multi-faceted his thought-processes were, he definitely could not be labelled as a one dimensional kind of guy, nor a simpleton, far from it.

Johnno's mind slowly drifts back to the conversation,

"But you cannot di'lectly link 'not getting any' and 'aggl'ession!'" demanded Bing.

There were periods where Bing reminded Johnno of 'Butthead from Mtv' with his nervous yet comical edginess,

"Of course you can cuz, for example, you know a big percentage of serious crimes are committed within an hour of when the person in question went into a rage, it's a psychological human condition ay, if only that person had walked away or maintained a cooling off period for an hour or so, they wouldn't be doing twenty to life in prison for murder ay..."

"So maybe human condition dictates that men shouldn't go that long without it _,_ even females have been known to get stroppy and even aggro with prolonged abstinence ay cuz",

"So now you're saying all the murders in the world were committed because the murderers hadn't had sex in a long time brother",

"No, no, cuz, all I'm saying is lets take for example army personal in battlefronts for months and years on end _,_ it's unnatural and it only made them more aggressive, because perhaps 'human condition' dictates that no man should be away from their wife or girl/partner for that long, and what I mean by that is not getting any for that long of course",

"What do you mean by 'human condition'" enquired Johnno and continued,

"I mean I know what it means to me but what does the term mean to you?",

"Well cuz, when I think of human conditioning I always think back to hunter and gatherer times which lets face it, we are all a by-product of because it was such a prominent era in history that spanned a period of thousands of years",

"In those times humans were conditioned in a way that the males hunted, and females gathered, for example, males hunted animals, and females gathered berries, fruits and sticks for fires, etc",

"I believe that even from all the way back then, males and females still carry certain inherited traits til present day, such as in regards to vision for example",

"Men have better tunnel vision, where you have to pinpoint a target, and females have better peripheral vision, where they can see out of the corner of their eyes better than males, even if their heads aren't completely turned side-ways in that direction",

"Our ancestral males picked that up from hunting, and females picked that up from keeping an eye out for potential predators that could bring them harm whilst they were out hunting",

"So the moral of your story is come home to your wife every night and be intimate?" asked Johnno,

"Not necessarily cuz, it is all about exposure as well ay",

Jonah was starting to sound like a real conspiracy theorist.

"Now what you mean!?" blasted Bing in nervous frustration,

"Well this next theory I'm about to tell you is perhaps why the divorce rate is so high, and it is nothing complex, it is just as simple as the concept of overexposed to an individual",

"If we go back to the example of human conditioning and our ancestors, in our modern day world it is conventional to see our respective wives each and every evening, however, our hunter and gatherer male ancestors were sometimes off on a hunting trip for two or three days in a row before returning",

"Doesn't that dispel your 'testosterone release aggression theory' though?" asked Johnno,

"Well in regards to hunting they were perhaps utilising that excess aggressive energy of not having sex for several days on killing animals and not killing other humans",

"But as far as the issue of exposure is concerned, they had a chance to miss their respective female partners a little ay",

"Now you've totally lost me, so your saying to fix the divorce rate you shouldn't see your wife every night because that's too much exposure to her" asked Johnno now truly confused,

"No, I have no idea how to fix the high divorce rate ay; I'm merely offering a theory as to why",

"Exposure eh _?_ " said Abdul rhetorically,

"Overexposure in varying degrees cuz, yeah!"

They all began to sip the last of what was left in their cups when the sun exposed itself (but not overly).

Johnno looked at Jonah and briefly questioned his sanity but at the same time kept an open mind that perhaps there was a method to at least some of his madness.

17.

"I have a good example brother, I don't disagree with you, because if Salwa didn't attend Uni full time I reckon we would be arguing more than the average couple",

"I once knew a Greek couple that were seeing each other over ten years, and we all envied this couple, they had separate jobs and interests before they were married, anyway, they tied the not and moved in with each other, and were separated and eventually divorced after two and a half months",

"Shit mate, _'_ l'eally?" enquired Bing,

"Yep, and I think it was mainly because the week after they got married they bought a take away business together, so they were in each other faces day in day out",

"Thereafter the moral of the story is this, in a lasting relationship you need separate interests as well as interests in common as this helps to combat the overexposure issue a little too".

Abdul got up to serve someone and Johnno took the opportunity to propose a concept,

"I thought it was excessive routine that mostly broke couples up as a lot of them feel like they are just going through the motions, there are couples that will do whatever they can to break up the tedium so as to keep it interesting",

Jonah continues his avalanche,

"Your right cuz, boredom or lack of creativity has become a big marriage breaking reason in modern day times; some spouses can endure the relationship regardless and love their partners enough to grim and bear it, others just get fed up and leave ay, different people have a different breaking point and different tolerance levels",

"But then sometimes a spouse may realise that they were taking other positive attributes for granted which they overlooked and don't acknowledge nor realise them until they have broken up with that person ay",

"There is also a scenario that one spouse within a couple is willing to go to a little extra effort to be creative and keep it interesting while the other one continuously vetoes any and every little suggestion/attempt to keep it interesting, hence also resulting in a relationship stagnation cuz",

Abdul sits back down having heard the conversation whilst serving and adds, "I think when a spouse starts to mentally gather evidence as to why they should stay or leave their partner, dividing those reasons into two separate columns, then they really ought to question whether they are in love, or are they just together for other more practical reasons such as the children and going through the motions",

"So are you saying love is impractical?" asked Johnno,

Jonah answers the question,

"Oh definitely it can be ay. You can also stay in a boring relationship and what keeps you in it is love, I think breakdowns like that are inevitable after many years, you can just put that down to overexposure over a prolonged period of time ay, compounded by the fact that when marriage became the formal ceremony as we know it today, the human life expectancy was thirty years, not seventy plus like present day, so it brings a whole new meaning to the words 'til death do us part' ay cuz",

"I mean think about it, if in the olden days they got married younger (say around 15 years old) and they did, and they were both gone by 30, that's 15 years of marriage, but if you get married now at a more liberal 30, and you both make it to retirement age of 65, then its you've spent two and a half life times together on the old scale",

Johnno decided to steal the stage,

"I know a couple in the Illawarra who swear by a formula and it has worked out for them for thirty years, not all families can do this because the occupations of the spouses and other inconvenient factors might come into play, but you could say that this family has carried over the overexposure issue on to their kids",

"The formula over the course of every month was week one, he looked after the kids and she went and did what she wanted, week two she looked after the kids and he went and did what he wanted, week three, the both of them were at home with the kids and they spent it together as a family, and week four they spent a week alone together as a couple and the grandparents looked after the kids for the week",

"We're they allowed total freedom during the week alone cuz?" asked Jonah,

"Actually that much I haven't asked them, but they do say they don't ask each other many questions in regards to the week alone, so it's possible",

"Oh then I should tell my misses about it eh, she'll throw a shoe at me or something cuz" laughed Jonah,

They all laugh at Jonah's input before he continued on.

"I've got another one for you cuz ay",

"I know this couple in NZ, same as your couple as in they've been married for thirty odd years, every year on her birthday they hire a male escort to join them in a threesome, and on his birthday they hire a female escort to join them in a threesome, they reckon it keeps their sex life alive by breaking it up because the escorts are seen as mere marital-aids and it helps to alleviate the boredom by bringing a little spice into a repetitive monotonous sex life which may eventually go stale, and they also use the mental images of the night with the escorts as fuel in dirty talk, and they reckon they have never lied to each other about anything _,_ ever",

"Now that's pretty freaky stuff, you would have to have a very understanding wife brother" said Abdul,

"Regardless, it must be great to have that level of honesty within a relationship", announced Johnno,

"You would also be devoid of any sort of envy, jealousy or any other adverse self-consciousness, in short, it would take a very confident couple to pull it off ay and it just goes to show you, that there is a variety of different formulas that work for married couples apart from the conventional way ay",

"Well the divorce rate is so high I reckon they've got to try something different and original to keep couples together, even if it is a little eccentric",

"Diff'lent st'loke fo diff'lent fokes!" shouted Bing.

They all laugh together, and then some.

18.

"Is it commonplace in the Islam community for a man to marry a woman who is a lot younger, even if the girl is only 15 or 16 years old?" asked Johnno,

"It has been known to pass in recent history yes, but I say if a twenty four year old man marries a fifteen year old girl, who better than a man who has had a bit of experience to teach his younger wife about love and sex" proposed Abdul,

"Well lets forget about the love part, if your just talking about sex then you run the risk of a mature man looking after his own interests rather than of his respective younger wife's interests, and if they get used to it after a while she will be doing that for the rest of her life as she doesn't know any better, henceforth taking advantage of the younger partner by pleasuring themselves first and foremost, and that's why there are laws in place to combat that sort of thing" said Johnno,

"I guess in western societies they believe that males and females should learn and discover the wonders of sex and love together with people their own age, they may grow together and compliment each others wants and needs through a more pleasant process of self discovery, and this also helps to stop elder sexual predators, and fair enough too ay" said Jonah,

19

Jonah once again takes control of the topic matter.

"Let's do some racial profiling then ay" said Jonah with a cheeky smile, rubbing his hands together before continuing,

"We will call it 'stereotype night' just because it rhymes, even though it's daytime",

Abdul has a big cheeky smirk and proceeds,

"Ok then, I'll open the batting, ready?"

"Yes" they all reply.

Johnno quickly thought to himself this is a side to the boys he hadn't seen yet,

"Chinese can't drive properly because they can't see efficiently out of the squinty shape of their eyes brother" said Abdul in jest looking sideways at Bing with a big smirk and his tongue out of his mouth,

They all laugh including Bing.

"I see just bloody fine b'lu'the'l!" said Bing slapping Abdul across the shoulder,

"What about tightness with money brother, that's another stereotype ay" queried Jonah?

"Not tight, just accu'l'ate, Chinese have ve'ly mathematical b'lain,"

"I've heard that too, if you short change a Chinese ten cents, they will pull you up on it not so much because they will miss the ten cents, but more because they are ultra accurate mathematically, perhaps it is a genetic trait and not a stereotype" proposed Johnno,

"Well they say a true Englishmen will correct your English grammatically, then that would make a true Chinamen correcting your maths mathematically ay",

"I have a good one in regard to Greeks; everything is up for debate in Greek culture, whereas in Arabic culture, it can often show disrespect to question an elder" says Abdul and continued,

"Greeks can also be overly patriotic like Americans too",

"I've got one",

"People of Arabic culture have a genetic defect in regard to anger, they can't control it like other cultures can, and when it goes off it really goes off to the nth degree" said Jonah,

"They reckon African and Latino people are also hot tempered like that as well, go figure", added Johnno.

Abdul rises to his feet as a Muslim lady stopped and considered entering the shop, but then he sat down again as she changed her mind.

There was a brief period of silence before Jonah breaks it,

"You can tell a lot by a girl's favourite movie ay",

"Such as?" enquired Abdul,

"Well if she likes 'Shawshank' I reckon she would be into backpacking or general 'flee and flight' type attitude, not the relationship type, if she likes 'Bridgette Jones' she's a real girly girl and perhaps is the relationship type, and if she likes 'Pretty Woman' she is materialistic and wants something for nothing, and if she likes 'Sex and the city' then just watch out' ay!"

They all laugh.

"I reckon that the average woman can hide something from a man and the man would have no inkling of any covert shiftiness on the part of the woman whatsoever",

"What you mean now Jonah?" asked Bing at his wits end,

Jonah smirks before continuing as if he enjoyed taking Bing to the brink,

"Well, because they were used to doing it from a young age, because lets face it and be blunt for a moment, post puberty when a girl wants to start dating (and its always sooner than her parents want her to start dating) a lot of the female population had to lie to their fathers, especially one's that were tagged daddy's little girl, hence they would have to develop two faces in a way, even from their brothers or other male relatives they held in high stead, its just a by-product of the way the male population thinks" ,"The inequality in regards to the issue is also evident by their being so many degrading terms in regards to sexual promiscuity for females whereas for males there is no where near as many negative degrading terms if any serious ones at all, so because they are in a way forced to lie by a lopsided thought-induced society, by the time they are married they are both experienced and/or used to it by no fault of their own of course, and can sometimes summon the two-facedness up if the situation calls for it much better than a male can because the males had no need for that type of deception when they were younger, and if the female population had to do it a lot when they were young then as adults they might not even be conscious of doing it, it just might kind of 'come on' automatically",

"This conditioned two facedness to the next prominent male in their lives, their husbands, may be achieved without battering an eyelid nor flinching, some may argue not even the most subtle of tell tale fibbing signs unlike males who are the more transparent of the two sexes".

Johnno looked at Jonah, this time truly questioning his sanity, as well as any chauvinistic issues he might be postulating,

"Isn't that a little general?" asked Johnno,

"Yeah I mean there are always exceptions to the rule but if that didn't tickle your fancy then listen to this next one",

"Must we!" blasted Bing as Jonah continued despite Bing's discouragement,

"There is an overall general conspiracy that woman know how to go about having a female baby, it's their little secret that they've kept it from the male population hence we are in the middle of a spate of female baby _-_ births",

"Why would they prefer a girl over a boy brother?" asked Abdul,

"Well firstly the sex that are having the babies are girls, and secondly, females are more likely to look after their mothers better when they get too old to look after themselves, henceforth, they are investing in the future",

"Perhaps they see boys as going out, running-a-muck, getting into fights and wars, etc, and are simply not worth all the trouble in the end" added Johnno,

"But can't males protect the domestic-fort/home front better 'security-wise'", proposed Abdul,

"So can females, haven't you seen 'Xena Warrior princess', generally speaking a woman is more flexible in the inner thigh and can throw a better kick than the average male, haven't you seen those kick-boxing infomercials",

"Plus in this era of modern day technology there is no need for that anymore anyway, with security systems, alarms, big brother and taser guns, etc, we are living in a changing world",

"So what good a'le we then?" asked a confident stricken Bing,

"Bottom line, they need our sperm to make babies ay",

"Well not any more there's sperm banks, they can just buy one" said Johnno,

"Or even better still there is cloning ay",

"So you're saying every man in the world should die and they should leave one male alive and keep cloning him for the human race to continue to repopulate" proposed Johnno,

"Well one from each race anyway cuz",

"I would love to volunteer as the representative for my race brother" joked Abdul,

"Me too!" screamed Bing.

They all laugh followed by a thoughtful silence.

"But they need us to make money fo'l them because we get paid mo'l" said Bing,

"No they don't, not if there are no men left in the world ya nob, they will be getting paid exclusively ay"

"Well they have said all along that if all the rulers in the world were woman there would be no wars and serene world peace",

"So we safe fo'l now?" asked Bing having ignored Johnno's previous comment and still deep in thought.

"Perhaps, we will just have to see Brother Bing" said Abdul teasing and winking at the other boys before continuing,

"They may still take over the world and kill all the men on Earth and rename it 'Feminearth'",

"And even if we're not brother Bing, we had a good run anyway" said Johnno backing up Abdul with a wink of his own.

They all laugh except for Bing who looked semi-concerned/borderline frightened.

20.

"Actually that's what I was going to tell you and I got side-tracked ay, woman and tats, they get some sort of black horizontal design on the lower back if they think their bums or bodies are too wide-looking posteriorly, it makes the buttocks appear narrower, people have started using tats for shortcomings on their bodies and blokes do it too ay",

"Yeah I heard also on the shins if the proportion from ankle to knee is too long as compared to knee to hip, it bridges the gap a little, acts as a buffer" said Johnno,

"Blokes can get it too on the upper back just below the neck if the rest of the back looks muscular and bumpy and that part is a bit flat or elongated",

"But that's a bit extreme just for body image don't you think?" asked Johnno,

"Well, tattoos are so commonplace in our days that people regard them as little a deal as buying a new pair of pants or earrings ay",

"Personally I don't like them, just be happy with what God gave you brother and I know Jonah isn't offended because we have talked about his tats in depth in the past" said Abdul,

"Well, when I first came to Aussie in the early nineties people wouldn't talk to me cause I had so many, even some of my relatives thought I went overboard and I would say to them the way you appear on the outside is nothing to do with the person you are like on the inside _,_ their two separate characteristics",

"That's a good point" said Johnno,

"...because there are still people out there in this day and age who believe it or not, will discriminate against you for having tattoos and I have even started to hear some offensive abbreviations in regards to people like us",

"What does abb'l'evation mean?" interrupted Bing,

"You know brother like politically incorrect terminology",

"Use it in a simple sentence o'l just give me a simple example" asked Bing,

Jonah sighs in frustration before answering, "Ok terms like Ching, Abo, Wog, Wop, Dago, Jap, Lebo, Poof, Lezo, Midget, Nigger-if you're actually a part of that group, it's ok to call someone else in the same group that name as it would probably be mostly in jest, but if your not part of the group in question, I would steer clear of saying the terms out aloud altogether, is that a clear enough explanation for you brother Bing?",

"Before I forget what is the politically correct term for Midget?"

"Little person ay" and after saying the statement Jonah looks at his watch as he is reminded of his wife who is a lot shorter than he,

"Shit I'm late, the misses is gonna kill me ay!"

"Yeah I have to go too" said Bing, Bing shook everyone's hand and rushed off into the direction he came in,

"I'll give you a lift brother",

"Yes thanks cuz" said Jonah,

Abdul then turned to Johnno,

"It's only a two seater so you don't mind waiting about for a half an hour by yourself John" said Abdul,

"Na no worries brother",

"I'll call Omar to keep you company, ok brother John",

"Na I'll be right you don't have to" said Johnno raising his hand in a take it easy type gesture,

"Na, no worries, he has to look after the shop and serve customers while I'm gone anyway",

Jonah interrupts,

"Ok cuz-John, nice meeting ya cuz" Johnno stood up and gave him a brother hand shake and a quick hug,

"Might see you a little later for lunch ay",

"K mate" replied Johnno,

Johnno sat back down on the crate as Jonah and Abdul exit toward the back of the shop and eventually disappear.

He had never expected a conversation like this to pass; had he been driving past in a car and never met his newfound acquaintances; from an outsider's perspective he probably would have thought that they were all discussing how much they disliked America _,_ or some other superficial topic.

Perhaps he would bring up that very topic with Abdul as a point of discussion when he came back, as he appeared to be pretty open to most topical endeavours.

Johnno looked down and noticed that Jonah had left his big black sports bag that he appeared to be so overprotective of on the ground near the crate.

Johnno's mind started to wonder.

Naturally Tep rears his ugly head and doesn't waste any time expressing his opinion: _'_ tic toc tic toc _-_ there's a bomb in bag! The mozzie and the boonga left it there! Run! Quick! Get out of here!'

Johnno is quick to counter Tep, 'there no convincing you ass-wipe! What do these blokes have to do to prove their allegiance, now for the love of Pete, rack off! I won't tell you again!'

The internal conflict stirs and brews as a loud bang goes off and Johnno and Tep jump in unison.

Visibly startled to say the least, they come to the realisation that it was just another car backfiring.

The internal conflict is interrupted by a third voice, a very soft "Hello",

"Hi" said Johnno standing up keeping his greeting theme consistent, "I'm Johnno",

"I'm Omar" Omar stuck his hand out, his body stayed back, he looked shy and embarrassed like a small child, yet he maintained a smirk.

His voice was light like it hadn't broken yet, he had a very chic hairstyle and it was dyed red, his body was very gaunt, he had acne on his face and first impression Johnno suspected that Omar might be 'as gay as a row of tents' to put it bluntly.

It seemed like he stood there for an eternity until Johnno instructed him to sit down as if he had been visiting Johnno's place.

There was a distinct pause.

"So your Albert's brother ay?" enquired Johnno,

"Yes, how do you know Albert, I've never seen you here before" said Omar,

"We just met today; my car broke down and...."

As Johnno went on with the story he noticed Omar looking at his shoes,

"I like your shoes" interrupted Omar,

"Thanks, they're nothing special",

Johnno thought it to be a strange comment; perhaps Omar was a shoe salesman,

"So what do you do?" asked Johnno,

"Nothing much, just go clubbing down Oxford Street, you heard of 'The Midnight Shift'",

That's not what Johnno meant but he rolled with it, and how _>_

"Isn't that a gay club?" enquired Johnno, he did not pull any punches, he wasn't even sure if that was him or Tep that asked the question.

Omar is taken aback but recovers and reply's promptly,

"Yeah, yeah a lot of my friends are gay ay",

Johnno noticed that his finger nails were manicured.

Johnno found himself saying the following even though it wasn't true; it was the first little white lie he told since entering The Boulevarde,

"Yeah I got a few gay mates as well" 'and you also have sex with them regularly don't you, you big liar' added Tep.

"Oh yeah, do you go to any of the clubs?" asked Omar looking impressed,

"Na, I'm more into the pub scene than the club scene",

Omar gets up to serve somebody, he hurries back,

"Yeah I feel sorry for them hey",

"Feel sorry for who?" asked Johnno,

"The gay's, how even in this day and age their still very much persecuted and discriminated against" said Omar,

"Ah very much so, and not only do I agree with your comment but..."

Omar interrupts again,

"I know a lot of people think it's a lifestyle choice, but all of my mates knew they were gay from puberty, and as if you would choose to be an outcast of your own family, as if you would choose to make your life impossible and lonely, as if you would choose to be an enemy of society and make it hard on yourself in every way, shape and form, always in fear of people's reactions..",

"No I'm 100% in agreement with you and..." he interrupts again,

"Usually they try it with at least one girl soon after puberty but that's more because conformity to mainstream society coerces the one-off, but deep down inside they know they are gay",

Johnno suddenly got the strong feeling that perhaps Omar was talking about himself.

He watched as the shyness quickly dissipated from the being in front of him.

This time he waited for a pause before speaking but yet again didn't get a chance to engage in the conversation,

"Yeah I think it can be as far back as in the womb of the mother, some female and male genes/or chromosomes get crossed or something and that is the end result of it".

Johnno began to get a little freaked out by how quickly they had both flown into the depths of the topic at hand but at the same time he started to feel really sorry for him as it was clear that if he was gay that he wasn't yet out of the closet with his own family and if he wasn't gay, at the very least it was overwhelmingly apparent that he felt very passionately about the topic.

Johnno was comfortable with the subject matter at hand although Tep wasn't; Johnno fought him off long enough to say,

"I heard when gay blokes want to pick up other gay blokes at a bar, the first thing they ask is are you a _'_ top' or a 'bottom'? Meaning where they are most comfortable sexually, and that there are numerous signals, including one-word signs, one being the word 'camp', is that true? I mean, from what you hear from your friends?" asked Johnno but Omar didn't get a chance to reply as he had to serve someone.

Upon returning, Johnno fires out the next question before Omar had a chance to start talking again,

"Do you think in the gay community it is predominantly about the sex and sex only?"

Omar did not waste any time answering,

"To be honest at first I did, but once I had delved deeper into the gay community I heard of couples that were seeing each other monogamously in excess of twenty to thirty years, therefore I would have to answer no to that question",

Johnno keeps firing,

"Do you think gay men have a higher libido than heterosexuals? Or a more important question is can drugs such as ecstasy, which I hear is a big in the gay community bring down the inhibitions of a heterosexual so much to the extent that with prolonged use it may turn you gay over time?"

"That's a good valid honest question" said Omar before continuing,

"Personally, I don't think it can, at best I think it can accentuate your experimental and creative side in regards to sex, but not make you jump fence completely",

"Alright?" interrupted a voice that came from the back of the shop; it was Abdul walking toward them at speed.

Even though by now Johnno was overly confident that a bomb in the bag wasn't the case, he still felt a little relieved when he saw Albert re-enter, further proof that he should not pay Tep any mind at all,

"Yeah" replied Omar before jumping to his feet, slapping his hands on his lap and bidding the boys farewell.

He ran toward the back of the shop in a hurry.

It started to occur to Johnno that Omar might have found him attractive and Abdul was worried about a possible uncomfortable scenario for Johnno as it was overwhelmingly apparent that Abdul hurried back in less time then he said he was going to be.

20.

As Abdul sat back down on his crate Johnno asked,

"Can I be candid with you?"

"Of course you can brother, I would expect nothing less",

"Ok then, believe it or not, today is the first time I have ever spoken to someone from a Muslim background, and you are novel to me in a way and I want to learn more, so do you mind if I ask you more questions?"

"Of course not my brother, fire away" Abdul tapped Johnno on the knee and as he did he noticed Jonah's bag on the ground,

"One moment brother John, I'll just keep this behind the counter for Jonah",

Abdul picks up the bag not by the handles but keeping his hands underneath and takes it to the counter, placing it carefully near a box of cigarette cartons.

Upon returning he sat and motioned to Johnno to proceed with his questions,

"Ok shoot!"

"Ok goodo then, so what is your stance on America?"

Johnno suspected that more likely than not he would only have a negative impression of America,

"I don't really have a stance, what do you mean specifically?" asked Abdul,

"Well what do you think of their recent decisions in the 21st century to invade certain other countries?"

"You mean like Iraq?" asked Abdul,

"Yeah for instance" nodded Johnno and upon saying that he felt it was Abdul's turn to go on a tangential sermon and boy oh boy was he correct,

"Well brother, the first invasion to get them out of Kuwait was justified, but the second one without UN approval was very questionable, and in regard to the first one, when you think about it, that is exactly how Adolph Hitler began his tyranny, he started with one country, and then invaded another, leaders can go crazy with power and get carried away sometimes, who's to say Saddam would not have invaded a 2nd country and 3rd country, 'nip it in the bud I say' and all I mean by that is halt the problem before it gets worse",

"By the time the second invasion came around Saddam had sent young kids out to their deaths via defending Iraq when the Americans were closing in, when all he had to do was give the UN unlimited access in the first place, yet when they found him he had the gall to hide, the option to fire and if he did he knew the Americans following 'the rules of engagement' would have engaged and more likely than not killed him, as he did have firearms on him when they found him, but instead what did he do, when he was found he put his hands up in surrender, so death was good enough for the 15 and 16 year old boys he had sent out in front of him yet not good enough for him personally, now that's what you call a real coward brother",

"They televised actual video footage of him giving these young civilians he had just recruited a pep-talk in regards to going out and defending Iraq and a lot of them didn't really want to go, and when they got to the front lines they tried to surrender but were shot in the back by Saddam's presidential guard, hence what choice did those innocent kids have but to die",

"That's all well and good brother Albert, but don't you think oil was also a consideration in the 2nd invasion?" asked Johnno,

"Possibly, however in saying that brother, America being the only current existing superpower, they are really stuck between a rock and a hard place, for example, if there is a violent uprising in a country and that country's military and police can't subdue or quash it and there are many innocent civilian lives being lost, then they call upon America for help, and they have to decide whether to go in with troops or not, and if they don't, then the citizens of that country hate America for allowing innocent people to die",

"A lot of people also forget that America was also criticised for taking so long to enter WWII and perhaps could have saved millions of lives had they come in earlier, so before people complain that they are being too swift in regard to entering foreign countries, in a way you can clearly see that they're damned if they do and damned if they don't",

"To use a smaller scaled simple analogy like our friend Sanjeev, the father of a household has to sometimes play the good cop and the bad cop to run a harmonious household, and he can't keep everybody happy 100% of the time, and there are times you are going to get children rebelling against an authoritarian father, whether it be by actions or words _,_ its just human nature",

"Actually, they're pretty good points, I thought you might be a little anti-American, I just assumed most Muslims were" said Johnno,

"Well not necessarily brother, you have to take time out to ingest the big picture, I think there are enough American citizens that dislike their own government more than people outside of America in recent past history, and as long as they are the only existing superpower, they have a responsibility to take care of the world, or else there might not be one to take care of, and in the process of doing that they have to make some tough decisions, it's an enormous responsibility",

"And a direct result of one of those hard decisions is the Iraq death toll, i.e. thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians, kids and adults, not to mention American and allied troops, all attributed to one man's tenacity and ego and his corrupt regime, a heavy price to pay wouldn't you say",

Johnno interrupted,

"What we need is exceptional presidents and prime ministers all around the world!"

"And sane ones,"

They both laugh.

"I reckon Sanjeev and I would make a great President and Vice-President of a country" joked Johnno,

"I know you say that in jest brother, but in all seriousness, I reckon the presidency would be a thankless job anyway, I know most people think most leaders live the high life and its all very glamorous but really, I would hate to be a modern day President or Prime Minister of a country because it would be such a hard job, and you would be constantly sleep deprived due to deaths on your conscience, the leader of the army and numerous secret service agencies showing you photos and footage of dead children, and then you would have to turn around and show a strong confident positive front to the general public and make speeches like you are totally composed and relaxed about your decisions, knowing in your heart of hearts that they may have resulted in numerous further deaths, and the media and public invoke this action by the leader because lets face it, nobody wants to see a weak leader, it makes people feel vulnerable, hence in a way there is a continual act/facade being portrayed, it is a viscous circle, and it is also an explanation as to why every American president after being elected visibly ages considerably during their term",

"Most of the time in regard to that _'_ fateful question' as to whether to go to war or not it is narrowed down to two decisions, and I'm talking about after other more frivolous factors have been sorted, done and dusted",

"The president and his advisors knows both decision A and decision B are going to cost lives, but all it comes down to in the interim is which decision is going to cost less lives, and roll with that decision, as that is what they really mean when they talk about the greater good or the lesser of two evils, as here we see that a decision can be the lesser of two evils",

"What president who had children of his own with any sort of conscience would enjoy a job like that?"

"An evil one" said Johnno semi-sarcastically,

They both chuckle.

22

The information seeped into registry mode as Johnno mulled it over and then he recalled a question he had on closed reserve,

"Do you think just like other past great Empires such as the Greek and Roman empires that the American empire will eventually fall?" asked Johnno,

"I don't know if they will fall brother, but I definitely think in thirty years time countries such as India and China will also be superpowers, perhaps, along with America, simply through the twin reasoning of raw numbers and Gross Domestic Product compared to that of the countries that make up the rest of the world",

Johnno steals back the stage,

"O.k, forget about the U.S/superpower concept for a sec, when is too much freedom too much freedom, parts of the U.S. have the highest crime rates in the world, however on the other side of the coin, some of these strict Muslim countries have very low crime rates and it is safe to walk the streets at night, part of the reason for that is the punishment for trivial crimes can be ridiculously harsh, but it is also because freedom is not to the nth degree",

"I mean all you have to do is observe the topic matter being put forth on a show such as 'Jerry Springer' and sometimes I myself am shocked and wince at what I see and hear on that show, and I am Christian; I can't imagine what a very strict Muslim would think if they were watching a translation of it, you would think no wonder why at times they associate America with 'the devil'",

Abdul responds,

"Yeah but perhaps it's the prudishness of English culture the very one and the same reason why we also live in such a lawful orderly organised society, one that a lot of countries have a hard time mimicking and maintaining, and it is evident by how many people want to live here and/or seek asylum in western countries, and when you think about it, it all derived from English culture and that includes America, and at the same time I am proud of the subtle way us Aussies distinguish ourselves directly from English culture in attitude, we do retain a light _,_ laid back type attitude, to which being chilled is a part of being Australian, and not as over the top/overly opinionated as the Americans, hence retaining a great balance and middle ground",

"And it is exactly that type of attitude that allows us to check and re-check any type of fanaticism, breaking it down to our forever grounded Aussie culture",

"Yeah I think perhaps Canadians are a bit more like us in the laid back attitude stakes brother" said Johnno.

Abdul gets up and serves a guy wanting cigarettes; Johnno is quite surprised at Abdul's Australian patriotism as it was unsuspected, when he sat back down Johnno fired the next two,

"Do you think there will ever be peace in the middle-east?" asked Johnno,

"The simplest answer is also the best one, if everybody can stop thinking of revenge, forgive and forget past trespasses, and concentrate on the future, then yes I believe it is possible",

"What do you think of Jewish people?" asked Johnno,

Abdul's face changed as he shouted,

"I hate them; I want to kill them all!" Johnno looks mortified before Abdul quickly added,

"I was only joking brother, you should see the look on your face!" Abdul starts to laugh and Johnno joins him, only after holding the laugh stitch in his stomach did he continue,

"I love them, they are my brothers and sisters just like you are, and I know all Muslims do not share my view, but I feel sorry for some of the Jews in a way",

"How come, for being disgustingly rich?" asked Johnno,

"No brother, because just like Muslims, they have to lay low in society because they are still disliked by a lot of races, and just like Muslims, they are often forced in western societies to stick to their own kind behind closed doors and they haven't really done anything wrong in fact on contraire, and get ready for this cause you'll probably never hear another Muslim say this, every Jew I have personally encountered has done good in the community, and the best high profile example I can think of is the Muslim who was lying on the ground injured during September 11, and the Jew who offered him his hand and said the words _'_ come on brother lets get out of here', helped him up off the floor and got him out of the danger zone, if the whole world was to follow this little example on a grander scale, then what a peaceful happy world we would live in, one that would be truly free of hate",

"What was going through your head during September 11?" asked Johnno,

"Brother, believe it or not my birthday is actually on September 11 therefore when it first happened it took the shine off for obvious reasons, and even the years after as well, when they were remembering the innocent victims on September 11, it felt bad and inappropriate having any sort of celebration on my birthday, and that is still the case."

"The years after I would hear my birthday date repeatedly mentioned on the news and my heart would skip a beat, I mean, who would of thought throughout history that there would come a day of an event so tragic that all you had to do was to mention the day and the month of a calendar year and people would automatically know exactly what horrid event you were referring to, and to add insult to injury, on September 11, a distant cousin of mine's uncle died in one of the towers, so the terror of that day affects me for many different reasons, but to get back to your original question in regard to Jews, the day I realised that Jews sometimes had to lay low in our modern day society is when an Australian cabbie friend of mine who comes here often (but wasn't here today) picked up a lady in the cab one day from the city",

"Anyway they were getting along fine and after a while he asked her what cultural background she came from, and she sort of hesitated and almost whispered the words 'Hungarian Jew'"

"It was at that point he realised that there was more than one religion in Australia attempting to lie low, and in fact, Jews have a lot in common with people from an Arabic background as firstly, both cultures used to speak the same language and it is evident from the geography of the world that countries that live in close vicinity of each other share very similar cultures, and secondly, they also aren't very quick to announce their background in a social situation and a lot of them even look similar to Arabs",

"However, because many Jews are also fair-skinned as well they can get away with saying they're 'Australian' without people enquiring any further than that",

"It is also well known that a lot of Jewish surnames have the letters 'ie' in their surname and some of them will pro-actively take steps to re-register their name to have one of those two letters removed so it is not apparent that they are Jewish",

"What about Hollywood brother, isn't that dominated by Jews?" asked Johnno,

"Yes brother but a predominantly Jewish Hollywood also made the lead character in a major American series called 'Sleeper cell' a Muslim which has never happened before in television history which I was very impressed with, and the writer/dialogue consultant of that show is from a Muslim background, as well as the fact that numerous working actors currently active in Hollywood happen to be Muslim, so on the whole I think that the prejudice is slowly breaking down, and the melting pot is therefore increasing in universality",

"People from a Jewish background often do a lot of positive work in the community and it is often not known from what background they are from because of the subtleness that is displayed in regard to their background and their deed",

" I could also easily site the English-Jewish actor/comedian 'Sacha Baron Cohen' in his movie 'Borat' who lets face it, risked his life for the sake of comedy, have you seen it Johnno?"

Johnno shakes his head before Abdul continues,

"Anyway through his comical character 'Borat' he attempts to expose racists against all races including Arabs and Jews, as he was often confused as being either a Muslim or an Arab because of his appearance, and it was both interesting and funny to see exactly how racist they would turn all in the name of bonding with him, and he did not dig the hole for them, but he would definitely have a shiny new shovel ready to hand to them if there was any hint of racism there, and many times they eventually dug themselves into a hole of their own, and we are not only talking racism, but sexism, ageists or any type of bigotry or discrimination",

"His character subtly defended characters of all denominations as the distinct message being portrayed was that it is ok to be different _,_ which it most certainly is because as the cliché statement so correctly stipulates, 'what a boring old world we would live in if everybody was the same",

"Sounds like a funny movie" ,

"Probably the funniest I have ever seen",

"On the opposite end of the spectrum, watching the black and white reels of WWII war crimes is hard enough _,_ you often wonder how one human could do that to another, but imagine it was your own race _,_ and your own ancestry to boot that you were watching, it would understandably strike up unbelievable raw-nerve emotions and it would be near impossible to suppress that anger",

"We are all equals, we have the same organs within the confines of our bodies and we all bleed red blood Albert" said Johnno after Abduls long speech.

"Well as a direct result of past continual atrocities related to the differences in religion, what seems to be the golden rule in the modern day is not to talk about religion and politics, especially when first courting someone, whether it be male or female, keep the topic of conversation light, everything is not a matter of life and death, and I think the danger lies in the fact that when people are passionate about a religion, they can easily slip into the fanaticism category, where they should just keep it at a passionate level, because the next level up from fanaticism is extremist _,_ and nobody wants that because I believe if that does eventuate then you loose your ability to retain objectivity, especially in regard to religious tolerance of any other religion other than your own",

"Well I figure as long as I'm not trying to sell or impose my religious or political beliefs on someone in a conversation then I'm holding up my end of the bargain pretty well" said Johnno,

"Exactly brother, most people have access to something in the modern day information age that we currently live in, whether it be the net, an internet café or a book, they can read up and decide for themselves without the need for being ear-bashed or having it shoved down their throats",

"And I used to try and have these conversations with my uncle about this very topic, but he was too brainwashed with misconceptions and stereotypes",

"So one day I said to him if he felt so strongly about these dum issues, why doesn't he go back to the middle-east where more people think along those lines, which usually shut him up as he disliked the old country for other different various reasons",

"Perhaps an unhappy man is an unhappy man no matter where you put him" surmised Johnno,

"Touché, and there is also the fact that his generation have been known to be a little old school, hard core and strong headed, they could definitely take a leaf out of the book of the y generation on some of these issues in regard to diplomacy and racism as they reckon the y generation is the least racist and has the highest cultural tolerance of any generation in history",

There's a slight pause, then Johnno asked,

"Is it true they say most leaders of Arabic speaking countries are a little shifty?"

"I don't know about that brother, however, if that was the case then you could probably say the same in regard to African, Asian, or just about all leaders, the only difference being the leaders of western countries wear more expensive suits and are much more careful/talented at covering their tracks as are their assistants, as it is probably how they got there in the first place, some people will always insist to get to that political level they must retain an element of sly in their character",

"But that doesn't mean they are pure evil does it brother?"

"No not at all, I believe to get to that position you also must have an element of good, and showing a good face so many hours a day over a period of years eventually takes over your character, but in saying that and if we are talking Australian political parties I do believe the difference between the two major ones over time has become extremely negligible, the point of many of their arguments and debates having become so nit-picky and small to such an extent that they are now minutely trivial and are solely dictated by the polls".

"There are times where they take an opposing view just because it is exactly that, opposing and not necessarily because they believe in that view",

There is a slight pause and Abdul gets vertical to serve someone; Johnno really starts to feel the bond with Abdul; he really starts to feel like they are connecting.

Abdul re-acquires his seated position on his crate,

"You know Bing actually thinks that Islam and Judaism are not that different, yet we are the two religions who are supposed to hate each other the most, and the thing is _,_ he always insists on it",

"Do you think they are similar?" asked Johnno,

"Not initially, however recently I've been reconsidering the notion",

"How so?" asked Johnno,

"Well, there is a lot of focus on God in both religions, and after watching a Hebrew movie with subtitles on SBS the other day and having never seen one prior, I got to say I agree with him a little more, as even the sayings and some words in the languages are identical, for example in normal everyday conversation/speech, they say things like 'God willing' and 'God be with you' and 'May God give you or me the strength', at times, I could have sworn I was watching a Muslim movie, hence I can sort of see the point Bing was trying make",

"What was the movie about?" asked Johnno,

"Oh it was just about every day life in a poor ghetto in Tel Aviv; it was a real eye-opener actually, can't remember the title of the movie but it could have just as well have been an Arabic movie, I was shocked at how this ghetto reminded me of my parents village in Lebanon".

The sun leaves The Boulevarde Punchbowl and a gust of wind suddenly spirals a piece of wax paper into the air, a magpie snatches it from its destined course.

23.

.

"What do you think of Christianity asked Abdul?" turning the tables a little on Johnno as he felt like he was doing too much of the talking and he was inviting Johnno to explore a linguistic-tangent of his own.

"Well I notice the stricter you get on yourself with religion, the more demons you battle with on a day to day basis, and I think if you're going to be battling with yourself each and every day, you might as well convert to something peaceful where you are not so hard on yourself, and adopt a more laid back naturalistic/therapeutic spiritual type attitude as there is no need to constantly beat yourself up mentally, even if it is unconscious to one's self",

"And something comes to mind in regards to my past here Albert, there was a social beach day on Coogee beach one day a few years back, and I hung out with these three church-going Christian blokes in the baths there, and for two hours they sat there and debated whether approaching this pretty girl who was sitting on the beach and conversing with her was a sin or not, needless to say she eventually left and nothing transpired",

"I often think of the depiction of the character 'Silas' in 'The DaVinci code' whipping himself and making himself bleed, I was thinking, do all Christians do that to themselves mentally, even if its unconscious to themselves?" "Is that a feasible fair enough notion?"

"Do they beat themselves up over guilt in relation to sin to a standard so impossible that realistically most modern day people could not adhere to the self-imposed benchmark compounded by the guilt factor over the death of Jesus?"

"Lighten up I reckon!"

"Adopt a more therapeutic, naturalistic peaceful type attitude",

"Everyone is trying to convert everyone to their own sect, whether it be Christian, Muslim, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Judaism",

"What about if you're a shy person, does that make you any worse of a sinner than the average Joe because you're not trying to recruit or convert anyone?"

"Of course not lighten up I say!"

"Sometimes it seems like a pack mentality egging each other on, you impose stricter sometimes impossible boundaries upon yourself, get each other worked up, you are generally more tempted, and in turn harder on yourself if you break those boundaries, and perhaps adopt an attitude that the more trivial things in life are heavy sins, and in turn again, the more convictions and inner demons you battle with on a day to day basis, you could easily work your way toward being a social outcast _,_ a judgemental sod or even borderline certifiable if your very 'lucky'"

"There were people in a Latin American country who wanted to feel the pain Jesus felt upon being crucified so they went ahead and nailed themselves to a cross",

"And suicide bombers",

"I mean, can't people see that all these actions are morbid and extreme?"

"The day that any religion should cause any deaths or injuries should be well behind us by now",

"Everyone should 'chilax' and enjoy life",

"Let's not forget also that Christian attitudes and rules have changed over time as well, for example, when chocolate was first invented it was considered to be a sin to consume it because of its aphrodisiac affects, that's quite funny if you think of it in terms of 'modern day food consumption ethics' whereupon everybody is eating it including the Bishops and Pope",

"I think the synopsis of it all is this, whether you have adopted a religion or not, we are all on this Earth for a reason, to treat our fellow human beings with kindness and to maintain an inner peace, and considering our barbaric past of ritual killings, painful murders and uncivilised human culling which unfortunately still go on, I think making another human being feel good could not and cannot be a bad thing, no matter what the capacity _,_ just like Sanjeev mentioned earlier",

"Make love not war!" shouted Abdul fist clenched in the air,

"Well I know you just said that in half jest, but whilst we're on the topic, I reckon there should not be the letter 'x' in the word 'sex' because 'x' if you think of it in traffic terms means don't go there, no entry, or you should not be doing this, or wrong as it is an opposite of a tick",

"It is the 'higher power' that gave us 'the gift of sensual pleasure' hence should we not be experiencing it as much as possible, that and foreplay and touching and massaging and kisses and hugs and affection, of course we should!"

Johnno paused, and appeared to do a bit of a turn around,

"Do you think modern day Christians should live their life through Jesus' example anyway since he was the epitome of inner peace and that way, social order is maintained, life on Earth is prolonged for our children and grandchildren to continue to co-exist and thrive?" "And if there is a hint of 'the prophets actions' being dubious, do you think Muslim's should follow the peaceful messages of the Koran rather than some of the actions of the prophet since you said yourself he was in a way involuntarily conscripted and obliged into a battle hardened type environment and because in modern day western societies we usually don't live in that type of environment, there really is no need to take any such extreme measures cause if the whole world was to adopt a tit-for-tat attitude and no one was to turn the other cheek and forgive, how long would the human race realistically last?"

Abdul replied, "Not long brother to say the least, and I'm forever trying to set an example of devising a tact in regard to how all the youths in the Muslim community should respond to, handle, and deal with racism and prejudice by way of turning the other cheek rather than responding to it through an outlet of physical violence", said Abdul and then continued,

"I very much consider this to be a 'life skill' and truly gels the term 'wise' into the expression 'street wise'", I also believe it to be paramount to the future of social stability here in Australia and the world, hence we must all work together in effort and education." said Abdul.

"Here-Here brother, I think we found our next prime minister" said Johnno.

Abdul smiles and replied,

"And you can be my treasurer and when you are, you can buy yourself a decent car".

They both laugh in synchrony.

24.

Abdul is briefly interrupted by a man enquiring if he sold a certain product in his shop.

They exchange words in Arabic and the man stomps away in anger,

"Some people" said Abdul shaking his head as he watched the man walk away.

"What was up?" asked Johnno,

"He wanted to know if we sold t-shirts, I said to him we're not a clothes shop brother",

There was a pause while a car sounded its horn.

"Clothes, now that's another separate phenomenon altogether",

"How so?" asked Abdul.

Johnno felt his passionate side being rejuvenated and he planned a few new brain teasers for his new found comrade,

"Clothes may make people look better, helping to hide lumpy or fatty body parts, etc, and you can express yourself artistically through the clothes you wear, correct _?_ "

"Naturally" replied Abdul,

"Then if you can express yourself artistically via clothes, can you not do it via not wearing clothes?"

"Of course you can brother, with the added bonus of making a statement",

"Ah but he's the tricky twist, do you think that Islamic woman can wear the Hijab in Australia for the same reason?"

There was a very long pause as Abdul mulled it over before replying with a question of his own,

"Do you mean to wear them to make a defiant stand against being discriminated against rather than for religious purposes?"

"Bingo" replied Johnno,

"Of course it's possible and probable in many cases" said Abdul.

"One step further is to distort the body as artistic expression in an attempt to resemble that of an image shown to us in a past painting or magazine, in primitive societies they used neck-rings, corsets and foot bandages",

"Now my question to you is this, were all these things just a catalyst toward plastic surgery since even primitive societies were body conscious, since certain attributes were considered aesthetically pleasing at different stages in history, was plastic surgery just the next natural vain step by our ever-growing vain modern day society?" said Johnno,

"You're going too deep for me now brother, all in the name of looking good and sex-appeal, you're going to wreck my brain!"

They both laugh and then ponder it for a little bit.

"It relates back to what Jonah said earlier brother, the person on the outside is not an indication of what the person is like on the inside, it may be just an artistic expression of oneself and taking a stand to exercise that right, and not always necessarily to be attractive to the opposite sex for aesthetic purposes",

"It really brings new strength to the expression do not judge a book by its cover, yet we all still do it at certain times don't we, its second nature", said Abdul,

"Well I almost never find the naked female form offensive, and some might argue that modern day society is too repressed sexually" said Johnno,

"Others might argue we are too sexually promiscuous as a society" said Abdul,

"I guess it also depends on what social circles you choose to adhere to as well, as we saw with Jonah earlier, his perspective might be different to someone else's who has never been in that type of environment before".

Abdul stands again and kisses a man on both cheeks, he then proceeds to serve the man, he crouches down behind the counter and hands him a black plastic bag, they have a little debate back and forth in regard to money for the product before the man leaves and Johnno again hears the word 'Allah' at the end of the interaction.

"Did he not give you enough money?" asked Johnno when Abdul sat back down,

"No- no brother, he gave me too much, I was trying to give him some back",

"Oh ok",

"Sorry brother" Abdul gets up again as another customer comes in and buys a few different things before leaving.

When Abdul finally sits back down Johnno remembers that they were on the topic of sex.

"Yeah Brother Albert _,_ some women have confessed to me in the past that they want to be taken aggressively during intimacy",

"Quite natural brother, just be aware that if you are a single person who is casually dating in the modern day world, men are being judged as to how good they are in bed down to the finest detail; and that includes fitness/duration, technique, physique, creativeness and size are all taken into account by the modern day female, be warned, they have a mental checklist, and even if some of them say they don't and it is no big deal to them, they still do".

"Let's not forget the ability to role play on short notice",

They both laugh again and Abdul replies nodding with raised eyebrows,

"Let us not, let us not indeed".

23.

25.

The wind dissipates to a flicker and the sun came back to The Boulevarde Punchbowl and along with it comes Danos the Greek.

"Look what the cat dragged in" said Abdul,

Abdul kisses him on both cheeks and then introduces him to Johnno.

"This guy's ancestors invented Science and Maths" said Abdul smiling and tapping Danos on the knee as he grabbed the spare crate and sat,

"Ah stop it" replied Danos as if trying to stay modest about the whole thing in front of a new face,

"It's true, all the modern day comforts and conveniences we have due to technology and the sciences we must personally thank Danos for!"

They all share a laugh before Danos launches into a pre-meditated tangent.

"Modern day comfort is not everything though, what does it all really mean if we end up blowing ourselves up with nuclear bombs and ending the world, does it mean that we should blame the Greeks who invented Maths and Science that was the springboard to taking great steps toward making weapons of mass destruction, or Einstein or the Jewish scientists who worked on 'The Manhattan project' rather than praising and celebrating them as we constantly do",

"Science has definitely assisted us presently in regard to convenience, but does that mean in an Earth ending nuclear holocaust that we were truly better off as a primitive society and not advancing in technology any much further from that phase in history onward?"

Johnno figured Danos for an overly dramatic pessimistic type bloke.

Naturally Tep really liked the guy,

"Should an apocalyptic end of the Earth be brought about by natural disaster which some would consider through the direct hand of God or by means of man-made human technology?"

Johnno again noticed that in Abdul's social circle of friends that they often answered a question with another question, and yet here came another one,

"Death",

"Who understands it brother-Danos?"

"I don't know who understands it but the two groups in society who respect it the most I believe are Biker gang Bikies and Muslims",

Johnno thought the question and answer to be strange but nodded in agreement nevertheless.

Suddenly Danos excused himself and remarked that he had forgotten to bring something, he then told Abdul to tell Bing to pick him up on the way back in to lunch.

All of a sudden out of nowhere, the clouds go black and it starts to rain heavily, accompanied by lightning and thunder.

26.

Abdul invited Johnno to keep him company in the kitchen whilst he prepared lunch; he called out to Omar to take care of the shop whilst he was out the back, and called out to Salwa to briefly give him a hand, and as they both stood there side by side Johnno noticed that Salwa was slightly taller than Abdul.

The wind and rain imposed on the shop so Omar proceeded to lower the roller shutter down a tad to put a stop to most of its potency; it meant that customers would have to duck a little to enter the shop front.

Johnno turned to find Abdul pulling out five whole large chickens in succession from the freezer and proceeded to defrost them.

"Four for Jonah, and one for us to share" joked Abdul, he then turned to Salwa,

"Salwa, can you please remind me to ring the boys in half an hour if I forget, Bing has to pick up some Lebanese bread and he also has to pick up Jonah and Danos".

While Salwa and Abdul were discussing what they were doing for lunch, Johnno started to get flashbacks from his youth again as to how many times his father Bob was openly racist and how he tried to impose it on Johnno.

Bob contradicted himself a lot and Johnno always felt like he had a lot of underlying repressed anger toward Bob as he had never before stood up to him or said one bad word against him out of respect for the 5th commandment (i.e. honour thy father..) even though he disagreed with most of the things he had to say.

His father always made him feel like Johnno's very existence was an inconvenience and because of that Johnno deduced that perhaps he wasn't planned i.e. in regards to being born.

It seemed like he was always on the verge of never speaking to him again as all he would hear out of his mouth is predictable aggressive drunken slander,

"Bloody Yanks, bloody Jews, bloody Poms, bloody Lebo's, bloody slope heads" and the ranting never showed signs of letting up,

"Can I give you guys a hand with anything?" asked Johnno,

"If you could switch on the lights because our hands are dirty, and then sit back down and relax, because you're our guest-thank you", said Salwa smiling,

"The boss has spoken" Abdul followed up the comment Salwa had made with a smirk and Salwa laughed briefly.

Johnno suddenly felt the anger welling up inside of him again and found that with Tep egging him on he could not suppress it emotionally nor verbally anymore, he suddenly felt like a pressure cooker that was about to crack /explode and found himself blasting out the words,

"I hate my dad!"

"I beg your pardon" said Abdul,

"Sorry I didn't mean to say that, I can't believe I said that out aloud, sorry, I do apologise",

"Its ok brother, you want to talk about it?"

"It's just that he's an ochre aggressive total dick head wanker, excuse my French",

"Never mind the French, let it out brother, you'll feel better for it after" said Abdul while kneading some minced meat.

Johnno proceeded as he now felt like he passed the point of no return.

In a way he also felt like he was talking to a brother and sister, kindred spirits, even though in real time he had only known them for a few hours.

He thought it was amazing that he couldn't actually speak to anyone else who was close to him in his life about it yet he felt comfortable enough with Abdul and Salwa.

He proceeded to vent in regard to his father Bob,

"Oh it's just that almost every negative characteristic you can think up about a person he possesses all of them".

Johnno went on (in detail) to disclose all the issues he had with his father Bob and this was no short list.

He told them things not even his own mates knew about, such as he used to physically abuse Johnno's mum and how he was busted cheating on his mum more than once in his own house, Johnno having been the one to catch him on several occasions, the first time when Johnno was only ten years old.

Abdul and Salwa listened intently,

"He doesn't sound like a very nice man, and that's putting it mildly brother" said Abdul.

He then went on to tell them that his dad downplayed and degraded everything that he ever did and never acknowledged or complimented him in regard to any achievements.

Johnno had forgiven Bob but Johnno had a high tolerance for putting up with crap, he knew any other son would have cut him off a long time ago.

To that Abdul looked him in the eye sincerely and in a very peaceful tone said,

"Brother, in the short time I've known you I believe you can do anything you want to do, I just get that vibe from you _,_ you're a good communicator, intuitive, your not afraid to ask questions, and your intentions are genuine",

"Thank you brother Albert" replied Johnno sincerely.

The therapy session went on for another half an hour, and at the end of it all Johnno did feel better, but it didn't make up for all the lost years of him not having anything that resembled a normal father figure, or even just a plain old father figure.

Suddenly Jonah walked into the kitchen with Bing and Danos and they all take a seat at the lunch table, Jonah having been re-acquainted with his black bag and upon seeing it, he picks it up and cradles it in his arms like a baby, rocking it from side to side and putting his face against it.

Johnno wondered if they overheard any of the conversation in regard to his dad, but decided not to be too worried about it even if they had.

It seemed like they had rehearsed the seating positions on the lunch table plenty of times before as they all knew exactly where they were sitting without hesitation, each one of them having also brought a dish to be added to the overall lunch menu.

Jonah and Bing then proceed to take turns in cracking everyone up with their jokes (Bing more so with his accent).

It made Johnno forget about his woes a little.

Abdul interrupts,

"Brother Jonah, since Johnno is a first time guest to our luncheons, I reckon you should do the Haka for him as a pre-lunch entertainment thing",

"Not now cuz ay, we're about to eat chicken" Jonah flaps his arms like a chicken and a little kid,

"It's 'Kota' in Greek" said Danos,

"What do you mean?" asked Johnno between the giggles still half cacking himself from Bing's comedy display, he suspected Bing knew that some of the things that came out of his mouth sounded funny and he often put an upward inflection on the words that he couldn't pronounce properly to make them even funnier, the 'class clown' in full throttle so to speak.

The house phone rings and Salwa rushes into another room to answer it.

"Isn't Kota a cheese?" asked Bing,

"That's Ricotta you knob ay" said Jonah as they all crack up once again.

"Come on brother, you..." and just at that moment a voice comes from the doorway, its Omar's light voice and he sounded more nervous than usual, even by Omar standards.

At first the boys shushed each other and silence fell over the conversation as it sounded quite comical, there was a pause, then heavy footsteps, more than one,

"Um, Ah, Albert" said a really soft voice from the front of the shop.

Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, in bursts Bob, the smell of beer and cigarettes preceded him and he had ignorantly knocked Omar out the way in the process.

He wore black labourer boots and a blue singlet, and his large hairy beer gut poked through the bottom of it in which he appeared to be unaware of, his hands stained with car engine grease and he was slightly wet from the rain,

"For f*#& sakes, I've been waitin' at the car for ages ya bloody d*#k head!"

Visibly embarrassed because he didn't know who the man was, Abdul stood up and in a professional formal voice said "Can I help you sir?"

Visibly embarrassed because he did know who the man was, Johnno stood up and put his hand on Abduls shoulder and fesses-up,

"Albert, its me old man",

"Yeah his ol' man when 'e wants sumfin', well c'mon on I ain't got all f*#&<n day, git ya shit together!"

Bob is in a foul mood by his standards, the whole table gives Bob the death stare.

Jonah's veins start to visibly throb out of his neck and forehead; his muscles tense in agitation, Johnno's face cheeks flush a light red,

"Dad, you mind ya language please!" he asserts,

"Ah as if I give a two hoots about these f*#&<n wog c@#&s!"

That appeared to be the straw that broke the camels back, something clicked in Johnno.

In a very out of character and reflexive reaction he picked up the nearest pot (which was full of pumpkin soup) and hurls it at Bobs head, striking him dead set on the forehead.

It happened so quickly that it was over in a split second, the connection gave out a loud 'clang!'

Bob was taken aback in shock at the furious eruption that had just unfolded as he had never seen Johnno erupt in anger before.

He rubbed his forehead a little, looked at his hand as if to search for blood, glared back at Johnno angrily, turned, and stampeded out of the shop like a white rhino knocking some bread off the top shop shelf on his way out.

Johnno knew that was the final straw, he knew his father would never forgive him and deep down he knew that was the very same reason why he threw it in the first place, he did not want to ever speak to his father again as Bob had finally broken the thin ice he was on with Johnno for such a long time, and in a way Johnno felt relieved.

As they all watched his father stampede out of the shop, he also felt and sensed Tep go with him, and although similar in character, it was an association that Johnno never entertained.

Johnno realised, at that moment, he recognised the negative presence in his head had always been Bob's voice, kicking him when he was down, insulting and mocking him, when what he really needed was encouragement and nurturing.

The adversity had taken such a toll on Johnno over the years that Bob's voice in the form of Tep had stuck with him even when Bob wasn't around.

In a way, by cutting all ties with him he was also cleansing himself of the disease that he knew so well to be Tep.

He now felt immune as if he had totally vaccinated himself, like it was a load off and he was carrying around one person instead of an unwanted negative offsider.

It was the first really interesting day that Johnno had in this plateau period of his life and it was almost ruined (yet again) by Bob and Tep.

He also felt this day to be a turning point, the first day of the rest of his life.

He could feel himself breath easy, he felt a gush of air fill his lungs as he took in as much as he could, in through the nose, and out through the mouth, the unique aroma of multi-cultural spices blissfully tantalising the senses without judgement.

Johnno turned to face the lunch guests who had by now frozen in shock.

He was too relieved to feel embarrassed, yet he apologised to them and then turned to Abdul and apologised twice, for his dad's behaviour and for the pot-throwing debacle.

Abdul hugged Johnno and told him to forget about it giving him a reassuring rub and tap on the back.

Salwa having heard the commotion from upstairs rushes in and immediately enquires

"What happened?"

Abdul replied with a friendly tap on Johnno's shoulder,

"I think John has just had a heavy burden lifted".

Epilogue A (six minutes later)

After all the boys rose to their feet and assisted with the cleaning up of the pumpkin soup, which went everywhere, they sit and have a wonderful lunch like there wasn't an incident.

Abdul drives Johnno home, Johnno leaves him the car key, the next day Abdul and his mechanic cousin Alan fix Johnno's car, and in two cars drive all the way back to Woolooware; Johnno offers Alan money for fixing it and for his time, and Abduls cousin declines and replied,

"Don't worry about me brother; I will be repaid in positive karma".

Epilogue B (six months later)

It had been three months since Johnno's father Bob had passed away, the drunk driving having finally got the better of him as he ran himself into a gum tree in the tow truck without a seatbelt.

A sparkling sunny morning and not a cloud in the sky and Johnno is fixing his tie in the kitchen; he thought he would wear a tie to work today as he had an interview with a first grade Rugby League coach and wanted to look the part.

He had been at his new job as a journalist for 'Rugby league week' for two months and was absolutely lapping it up.

Jody comes scurrying into the kitchen in her usual hurry; she kisses Johnno on the cheek and puts a slice of toast between her teeth,

"What was that for Mars?"

"Jus' cause I love ya Jay, can't I kiss me boy cos' I love'im?"

Jody had been recently seeing a Macedonian man and things were going very well, his name was Trajan.

She was willing to give-up some of her pokie-time and invest that time into a new relationship with this guy.

Johnno was stoked for her,

"Aawww, isn't that lovely Mars".

Jody changes the topic,

"You still doin' din din and a movie with Abdul and his misses tonight?"

"Sure am big Jodes",

"Well tell'm I said g'day ok, and have a great time",

"Done and done",

Jody runs out the door.

Johnno's mobile rings and he answers, a voice from the phone shrieks,

"Brother Johnno!"

"Brother Abdul! How are ya brother?"

"Not bad Jonjoona" Abdul had recently come up with a new take on 'Johnno' and Johnno was quite fond of it,

"Listen brother, I can't talk for that long, if I pick you guys up at six is that ok?"

"No worries brother, we will see you then, looking forward to it",

Johnno was going through a bit of de-tox since he scored the new job, and had not drunk nor smoked since its inception.

Johnno's day goes well as does the interview.

Six o' clock comes and Abdul and Salwa pick Johnno up from work in Salwa's new 4wd, they then proceed to pick up Johnno's new girlfriend (of two and a half months) Anna from her place of work.

Anna was in IT, from a Croatian background, and some people said she looked like Uma Thurman, enough said.

Salwa drove and the girls sat in the front and talked about their respective jobs, while Johnno and Abdul sat in the back and told each other knock-knock jokes.

They watch the movie, have dinner at a seafood restaurant, and discuss the movie amongst other various topics.

The bill comes and Johnno slams his hand on it before Abdul's hand reaches out for it,

"Brother Abdul, please allow me brother, tonight you're my guest."

Abdul smiles and puts one hand on his chest.

1"Wuckers is Aussie slang from the original term "no worries" come "no f**ken worries" come "no wucken furries" come "no wuckers".

2 Also Aussie slang deriving from "shrapnel" meaning coins.

3 The race riots occurred in Sydney in 2005 which began with middle-eastern teens bullying locals on the beach and the locals had a protest which got violently out of hand where anyone who looked remotely middle-eastern was set upon by large mobs.

4 English/Australian colloquialism meaning "walk" or "run".

5 Abbreviation for Wooloware.

6 The story.

7 The alcohol.

8 Pretty drunk.

9 A runner- 'fare evasion in the cab industry'.

10 Fair crack-Aussie colloquialism meaning teased but not abused to the extent of all out abuse.

11 Lebanese delicacy/sweet made up of cheese.

12 Olden day material made from pith used to write on in ancient times.

13 Dan brown's multi-award winning novel.

14 In regard to ejaculation.

15 The adult movie 'Deep Throat' came out in 1972 and was shown on big screen cinemas all around the world.

16 The worshipping of idols.

17 From the animation 'Beavis and Butthead'.

18 New Zealand muscle-bound fictional female shown to be an excellent fighter.

19 American talk show accompanied by comical physical violence.

20 Slang for being laid back, relaxed.

21 A mini-series on Showtime, 2005.

22 He also plays characters Bruno and Ali G, raised and educated in England.

23 SBS- Special Broadcasting Service-a free to air Australian multicultural channel where world movies are shown.

24 Native bird of Australia, has been known to attack humans.

25 Opus Dei character, an extreme sect of Christians who whip themselves all

day long and sometimes draw blood.

26 Female Muslim headwear.

27 The Manhattan project was the code name given to the team of scientists who put together the A-bomb.

28 New Zealand Maori traditional dance/warcry.

29 "Care about".

 "Wuckers is Aussie slang from the original term "no worries" come "no f**ken worries" come "no wucken furries" come "no wuckers".

 Also Aussie slang deriving from "shrapnel" meaning coins.

 The race riots occurred in Sydney in 2005 which began with middle-eastern teens bullying locals on the beach and the locals had a protest which got violently out of hand where anyone who looked remotely middle-eastern was set upon by large mobs.

 English/Australian colloquialism meaning "walk" or "run".

 Abbreviation for Wooloware.

 The story.

 The alcohol.

 Pretty drunk.

 A runner- 'fare evasion in the cab industry'.

 Fair crack-Aussie colloquialism meaning teased but not abused to the extent of all out abuse.

 Lebanese delicacy/sweet made up of cheese.

 Olden day material made from pith used to write on in ancient times.

 Dan brown's multi-award winning novel.

 In regard to ejaculation.

 The adult movie 'Deep Throat' came out in 1972 and was shown on big screen cinemas all around the world.

 The worshipping of idols.

 From the animation 'Beavis and Butthead'.

 New Zealand muscle-bound fictional female shown to be an excellent fighter.

 American talk show accompanied by comical physical violence.

 Slang for being laid back, relaxed.

 A mini-series on Showtime, 2005.

 He also plays characters Bruno and Ali G, raised and educated in England.

 SBS- Special Broadcasting Service-a free to air Australian multicultural channel where world movies are shown.

 Native bird of Australia, has been known to attack humans.

 Opus Dei character, an extreme sect of Christians who whip themselves all

day long and sometimes draw blood.

 Female Muslim headwear.

 The Manhattan project was the code name given to the team of scientists who put together the A-bomb.

 New Zealand Maori traditional dance/warcry.

 "Care about".

