

THE HAPPINESS TREE

by

Shane Eric Mathias

FORWARD

What is Happiness and How Can You Attain It?

About Your New Book and it's Author

What is the Happiness Tree?

How Your Happiness Tree is Organized

The 7 Key Roots

Like an Ancient Oak

Getting Acquainted with the Limbs of Your Happiness Tree

LOVE

1. Friendship

Trust

Empathy

Dependability

Respect

The Canopy of Friendship

2. Family

Connection

Heritage

Acceptance

The Family Canopy

3. Relationships

Understanding the Dual Nature of Self

Self Esteem

The Canopy of the Self

Intimacy

Touch

Boundaries

Integrity

The Question of Marriage

When Relationships End

The Relationship Canopy

HEALTH

1. Mind

Management

Balance

Recovery

What is Grief?

Is it Grief or Depression?

Expansion

The Canopy of Expansion

Fulfillment

The Canopy of Fulfillment

2. Body

Food, Water, Digestion / Elimination

Shelter, Safety & Security, Sleep,

Managing Stress

Exercise, Sex

The Exercise Canopy

The Body Canopy

FREEDOM

1. Truth

Solitude and Self Awareness

Freedom from Deception

The Truth Canopy

2. Resource Control and Personal Discipline

Building and Maximizing Income

What is Resource Control?

The Resource and Discipline Canopy

3. Connection to Nature

The Essential Source of Everything

World of Wisdom, Wonder and Mystery

The Nature Canopy (The Importance of Spirituality)

PURPOSE

1. Creativity

Expression

Contribution

Achievement and Recognition

The Creativity Canopy

2. Generosity

Forgiveness

Patience

Mentorship

The Generosity Canopy

3. Self Mastery

Learning and Growth

Adapting

The Self Mastery Canopy

Bringing it All Together

• How to Live Well and Find Happiness at Any Age

Adolescent

Adult

Senior

• Maintaining Health and Happiness in Our Rapidly Evolving Society

Copyright Statement

The Happiness Tree

By Shane Eric Mathias

Published by Shane Eric Mathias on Smashwords

Copyright 2016, Shane Eric Mathis

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

THE HAPPINESS TREE

FORWARD

WHAT IS HAPPINESS AND HOW CAN YOU ATTAIN IT?

Well, certainly one flawed concept we have all grown up with is that someday "we will all find happiness". Happiness is not like found money, that just fell out of someone's pocket, nor should it be. Because reaching this all important destination in your personal journey is not something that should be left to chance. It's a nice illusion to think that we can just sit back and one day, the right person, the right job, indeed the perfect life will just fall out of the sky and we'll live happily ever after. But as you will learn, happiness requires action on your part. It is a state of mind that is nurtured and cultivated. The good news is, it's not just a matter of luck: YOU are actually in control. Therefore happiness is well within your grasp, whatever your circumstances or age.

Happiness is perhaps most clearly defined by what it is not, rather than what it is. Happiness differs from it's related emotions excitement, elation and bliss, which though potentially more intense, are short-lived emotional states. Also, it's a common mistake to associate one's happiness with certain events, such as becoming wealthy, or taking a cruise. But while these events may "make you happy" initially, they do not necessarily create happiNESS, which is really a cultivated way of life, rather than an emotion. It is a state of mind which ideally, we should expect to return to when the clouds of adversity have begun to clear. Let me say that again: Happiness is a cultivated way of life, rather than an emotion. A state of mind which we should expect to return to when the temporary clouds of adversity have begun to clear. That is a profound statement, because like most of you, for many years, I found my level of happiness ebbing and flowing with the changes in my life, changes over which I seemed to have little control. This sense of one's life being chaotic and out of control creates tremendous insecurity, because from one minute to the next, one may experience joy and then sadness: with emotions shifting like sands in the wind.

This lack of emotional continuity can drive us to make poor decisions in an effort to address what we may feel is "missing" in our lives. Chasing short term pleasures may placate our lack of fulfillment in the short term, but usually the payback exceeds whatever may have been gained by the action. And once the initial flush of excitement is over, you're usually right back where you started from. Why is this? Because the fundamental underpinnings of sustainable happiness were not in place. Meaning, if we base our happiness on always being young, gorgeous, successful, wealthy, busy or popular, we will be disappointed most of the time. So, what is the key to living with the reality of our life as it is right now while still experiencing true, sustainable happiness? Follow me as we explore your Happiness Tree in detail and find the definitive answer to that question, together.

About Your New Book and it's Author

Hello, I'm Shane Mathias. I am just a ordinary guy, who is attempting to live my life in an extraordinary way. I am not a conventional academic, but rather a keen observer of human nature. And what you have before you is the result of my having lived my own life as a sort of ongoing experiment, researching the evolution of my own happiness and then extrapolating that to achieve a greater understanding as to why happiness is at once so essential to the human experience and yet, seemingly elusive

The Happiness Tree is a fresh, new look at the "anatomy of happiness". It is not based on any religion, faith, cult, organization or unseen spiritual force. It is a practical, step by step guide that defines happiness and explains how you can create and sustain it. Rather than focusing on what makes people emotionally sick and then trying to figure out how to fix them, it seems to me it's more useful to discover what makes people happy and keeps them that way. Can you imagine what might happen if our nation, indeed our world, suddenly began experiencing an epidemic of happiness? The murder rate would plummet, international conflict would become relegated to the history books, spousal abuse, rape, theft and crime in general would all but disappear. And the resources spent on police forces and military budgets could be redirected to address the many health, wealth and environmental issues that plague us today.

What I will never know is how my life might have been different had I acquired this wisdom earlier. But now, at fifty-something, I do believe it takes all of us a while to figure this life thing out. What I don't believe is that everyone must struggle and sacrifice alone in the dark in an effort to earn contentment and serenity, at the risk of possibly living without it. It is possible to quickly shift your perspective on and your relationship to yourself and the world around you and begin experiencing a sustainable happiness today.

Yes, I now know that you can grow your own happiness, that you and you alone are the tender of your happiness garden and to a large extent, in control of the bounty it produces. So many of us learn by making mistakes... sometimes repeatedly, but that is a costly game filled with stress, fear, disappointment and wasted time. What if instead of taking a leap of faith, you could proceed with confidence, towards a meaningful life? Becoming a functional, healthy and happy person in weeks, rather than years. Too lofty an aspiration? I say not!

What you have before you is a direct result of my having challenged the preconceived notions, fears, biases and flawed approaches that for years led me astray, negatively impacting my health, emotions and relationships. Having reached an extremely low point in my mid-life, I knew I would have to throw out all the old patterns and coping strategies to learn once and for all, how to find a deep, sustainable happiness: one that would not depend on any one, or any thing, other than myself. And what I discovered is truly remarkable: a formula for life satisfaction that I believe anyone, man or woman, can follow, to improve any or all areas of their life. And as you will learn, it depends on you tending your "Happiness Tree" on a daily basis. And as you do, your tree will continue to grow deeper roots and more branches, expanding it's canopy throughout your life and beyond. And during that process, you and you alone will be in control, empowered by the new habits and attitudes that you learn and practice.

What is the Happiness Tree?

The Happiness Tree is a way of visualizing the anatomy of happiness as one would view a family tree, to understand how each component is related to the whole. Just as science has mapped the human genome to understand the very code that supports life itself, it stands to reason that Happiness (a condition so fundamental to the human experience that it is synonymous with "quality of life") can also be broken down into it's elemental parts and then reassembled into a system for understanding and creating a successful life.

How Your Happiness Tree is Organized

Your Happiness Tree is comprised of the Trunk, Limbs, Branches, Canopy and Roots. The descriptions of each are as follows:

The Trunk of your Happiness Tree represents You and Your life.

The Limbs, are the major supporting members, of which there are four: Love; Health; Freedom and Purpose. These are the macro areas of your life you must focus on and work to improve, in order to create and sustain happiness.

The Major Branches emerge from and yet are supported by the four Limbs. And the healthier each of these branches are, the stronger their related limbs become.

Emerging from the Branches are the Subordinate Branches: in this case, Self is shown as a form or experiences of Relationship.

As you can see, Subordinate Branches are the ways that one can express or experience the quality of the Parent, or Major Branch. For an example, the Subordinate Branch Self, emerges from the Major Branch, Relationship The Self is an essential type or experience of Relationship. Others would be:

Intimacy

Touch

Boundaries

Integrity

The Canopy embodies the highest Human aspiration, "Self Integration". It is from this Self Integration that qualities like Confidence, Skill, Humility, Compassion, Understanding, Wisdom and Integrity will arise. These are not qualities that you are necessarily born with, they must be learned, developed, practiced and eventually expressed through your "Higher Self" to the world around you.

Note: Almost all the fine branching systems of your Happiness Tree will terminate in a Canopy. There is a dual goal of this section:

A. To review the foregoing information to ensure a complete understanding.

B. To step back and see how the various elements contained in that section of your Happiness Tree contribute to the whole.

The Seven Key Roots

To achieve a full, beautiful Canopy, you must begin by working with the lower portions of your Happiness Tree. The Limbs, Major Branches and Subordinate Branches. But you must also develop a strong foundation. Therefore, it is essential to understand and live the principles of the 7 Key Roots.

The 7 Key Roots are like Sacred Principles and Commitments that you make with yourself and the world around you. Without these strong Roots and principles, any strides made above ground will be transparent and short-lived. The Roots of your Happiness Tree, like those of any other tree are it's foundation. They demonstrate the commitment you have made and continue to make to examine, understand and improve your life and interactions with people, things and circumstances you encounter.

They are as follows:

1. Understand that to overcome suffering is everyone's greatest challenge

The first of Buddhism's Four Noble Truths is that Life is Suffering. There are many sources of suffering, loss, illness, craving something we cannot have, etc. And these realities cut across all social and economic lines to effect everyone. Certainly, regardless of who you are, you can recall an event or circumstance in your life that caused you suffering and that is the basis of Empathy: (The ability to place yourself vicariously in someone else's shoes, in order to comprehend their circumstances). This ability arises from dealing with your own challenges and deepens your understanding of and connection to the rest of humanity, helping you realize that none of us are alone in our suffering, it is a condition that effects everyone at one point or another in their lives.

2. Have a positive effect on your loved ones and on those you encounter on a daily basis

The natural response to feelings of empathy is a desire to reduce the suffering of those you love and that you encounter throughout the day. It is not necessarily your responsibility to take away their challenges, for inherent in those challenges may be lessons they need to learn for themselves. But your thoughtfulness can lighten the intensity of their suffering through something as simple as a smile, a kind gesture, a positive and reassuring statement or a hug. Regardless of the relationship you share with the person in question, your actions can provide tremendous relief through the provision of hope and the reduction of anxiety.

3. Carefully tend your life and everything in it

As we contemplate the people, situations and things around us, it is common to compartmentalize them and therefore treat them differently, depending on their perceived importance. But once you come to the realization that all things, including you are essentially made of the same stuff, this may change the way you relate to everything and everyone around you. This is a scientific fact. We are all composed of and swimming in a sea of electrons and waves that are in motion all the time, alive and dynamic. Therefore, everything and everyone is intimately linked by this matrix of matter in motion. Meaning that by tending all people, situations and things in your life, you are essentially and literally caring for yourself as well. An important part of the Happiness Tree concept is the continuous examination and reconsideration of your boundaries, perhaps revealing heretofore unrealized connections between yourself and the living elements and individuals around you. Care for and support all people, situations and things in your life and you will in turn be cared for and supported, even if you're not always aware of it.

4. Seek to Understand Your Mind / Brain Connection and Learn to Master Them Both

What is the Mind? Oddly, there is no clear definition of the Mind. Often the terms "Mind" and "Brain" are used interchangeably, but they are not the same. The Brain is a tangible 3 pound mass that serves as the central command post for all your bodily functions. It is also the seat of our emotions and where memories are stored, among other things. The Mind however, is not tangible. It may emanate from the body, but does not reside there. It is the mysterious realm of consciousness, it is the medium through which we interact with the world. Through the mind, we project our personality: expression; curiosity; passions; desires; hopes; empathies and aspirations. These qualities all live in and arise from the Mind. And though the Brain and the Mind are not the same, they do work together. Think of them like the two pillars of a computer system, with the Brain being the hardware, (the terminal, wires and semiconductors) and the Mind being more like the software, (an entity that exists below our perception, able to interact with, and thereby develop a unique relationship with, it's owner). So the Brain and the Mind are indeed interdependent but operating in very different spheres.

This would beg the question: how can you master your Brain and Mind and why is it important? Most of us experience a chatter in our heads from the moment we wake up until we fall asleep. In a way, the mind can behave like a hyperactive child: easily bored and perpetually distracted, with a very short attention span. Allowing this child to take over your thoughts is like handing your car keys to a five year old: eventually some serious damage will be done. The Mind, under the influence of this child, can easily hijack the brain and begin reprogramming it's circuits for anger, fear, hopelessness and despair, even when the circumstances don't necessarily warrant it. This can occur suddenly or over time, when images, events or situations in your life are poorly understood or processed. These "flawed thoughts" are laid down in the Mind as traumas and they then go on to influence the physiology and function of the Brain. The Brain, being an all too willing servant of the Mind, stores away these perceived traumas, where they proceed to create all kinds of havoc. The tension, anxiety and depression resulting from this "reprogramming" of the Brain, puts the body at risk of serious life threatening diseases and even early death through the Brain / Body connection.

Luckily though, this impetuous child can be usurped by a higher authority. We will call this authority "Your Higher Self". Your Higher Self is really meant to keep everything in check, but he or she first needs to learn how to manage things. Assuming management of your mind requires your Higher Self to command this inner child to sit down and shut up, after which everything will begin to slow down. Situations and thoughts can now be processed more carefully. Instead of assigning an emotional charge to everything, as a child would, your Higher Self can now look at things through a more pragmatic lens, deciding what is the best way to view, understand and label a given experience or idea, then carefully filing it in the right place; either in the trash can or for later use in the memory. This careful analysis and control of the chatter occurring in our mind eventually helps you to view things for what they really are. Then, you are able to arrive at conclusions that are closer to the truth, which is essential for helping your brain appropriately process decisions, while remaining relatively serene.

You are the owner and master of your mind! When you finally realize that you won't have to be controlled by your thoughts any longer. The inner child will be tamed and learn his place, that being: to seek opportunities to play, be curious, experience wonder and excitement. Then, the chatter, which will by then no longer have a receptive audience, will begin to diminish and your mind, under the new management of your Higher Self will begin working seamlessly with your Brain and Body like a well oiled machine.

5. Continually maintain your health

Your body is essentially the vessel that allows you to participate in the material world. As much as possible, that vessel has to be able to survive and hopefully thrive through life's inevitable ups and downs. Good physical health gives you the freedom to rise to challenges and seize opportunities.Therefore, in good, as well as trying times, the maintenance of your health has to remain a core focus. Developing the necessary stamina and intellect you will need to overcome obstacles, requires the energy that only a healthy body can produce. Health refers to more than just weight management. How youthful you feel and appear; the acuity of your sight; the strength of your muscles and bones and even your sexual vitality are all effected by how healthy you are. Maintaining good health is of such importance, that it forms the second of the four limbs of your Happiness Tree. You will learn how to better manage your health in upcoming sections.

6. Create Joy As Well As Happiness in Your Life and the Life of Others

Did you notice I used Happiness and Joy in the same sentence? It can be confusing to unravel how these two human experiences differ from one another, as they are very often used interchangeably in writing and conversation. One way to distinguish them is to think of Happiness as a state which arises from our daily activities, accomplishments and social interactions. Joy on the other hand goes deeper, into the realm of what we might call the Spiritual. If you can imagine infusing Happiness into and beyond the layers of the physical body into your Heart or Soul, that is Joy. To better understand what types of situations might elicit each emotional state, here are a couple of examples:

Happiness - You complete your education and apply for a great job in your chosen field. You're picked out of 300 applicants for the position.

Joy - You meet a recent immigrant who was forced out of his country by violence and decide to strike up a friendship. As time passes, you teach him to speak English perfectly. He goes on to apply for college and upon graduation, gets a great job. Later, he asks you to participate in his wedding and you become an honorary part of the family. As the years pass, his children call you Uncle. At his 10 year anniversary party you observe how happy and successful he has become and a tearful smile comes to your face.

The variety of things and events that can generate Happiness are vast indeed and occur in most people's lives every day, though sadly, many of us are not sufficiently grounded to appreciate them. While Joy is a much less common but more intense emotion, arising from moments we witness or participate in. These joyful moments may be years in development, or they may happen in a split second. Yet, so very often, they involve people we know and or care about, causing us to feel a deep connection to Humanity and the Infinite. Joy is the moist, rich soil which feeds and strengthens our Happiness Tree. A well conditioned soil is a balanced blend of many interactive elements, a rich life is composed of the same. Seek a positive involvement with and influence on those you love and that you encounter throughout the year. Get involved in your community and be of service whenever possible, in ways big and small. By stretching your Canopy to embrace new connections and opportunities Joy will develop naturally and radiate far beyond your Branches.

7. Seek to leave your world a better place than you found it

History is replete with examples of men and women who achieved amazing feats of science, art and engineering early in life. And it occurs to me that as little as a century ago, very few had any hope of living past the age of 50, therefore, the time they did have was so much more valuable. Now however, through advancements in medical science and the eradication of many deadly diseases, people are not only living longer, in fact centenarians, (individuals who live to the age of 100 or more), are the fastest growing demographic in the developed world today. While this is certainly an amazing development for humanity, has the lengthening of life also had the effect of diluting our passions? While you may not aspire to conquer the world or to write classical masterpieces, more than likely, you do have dreams and goals. Do you put off bringing them to fruition by telling yourself "there is always tomorrow "? Probably, if you're like most of us, a thousand tomorrows have come and gone and still your dreams sit on a shelf, dormant, waiting for the "right moment" to be brought to life. By contrast, we now marvel at those courageous individuals from the past who accomplished so much in so short a time, with so few resources, working tirelessly most of their young lives to reach their lofty goals before their time ran out.

Consider this, that while your goals and dreams may come through you, they do not belong to you. By that I mean that it's very possible that your community, family, friends or even humanity could greatly benefit from the development of your idea, regardless of how minute or grandiose your vision may be. As I sit here and type out these words on my computer, I know that I have many brave visionaries to thank for pursuing the dream of manifesting this wonderful machine that I now use to communicate with you. You have a responsibility to do more for yourself and the world around you than to merely exist. When you imagine something spectacular, it's essential to understand that the thought did not just arise in you randomly, it was born from many different inspirations you witnessed, heard or experienced and it came to YOU for a reason. Yes, there is always tomorrow, but those of us who are blessed enough to take that for granted still need to make every tomorrow count for something. For when you reach that tomorrow, a thousand or ten-thousand days from now and look back through the rear view mirror, what do you want to see, a gray blur with no discernible highlights or a cluster of colorful endeavors that gave your life meaning and purpose?

Like an Ancient Oak

From this day forward your Happiness Tree will be with you. You'll be able to refer to it's wisdom again and again to reveal which of your life's Limbs and Branches are in need of more care and maintenance. Remember, a healthy, beautiful tree is symmetrical, well rounded and in balance. There is sufficient space on the interior to allow light and air to penetrate, thereby maintaining it's vitality. This is a metaphor for your flexibility and capacity to allow people and events to flow in and out of your sphere, while maintaining the source of your happiness deeply rooted in your own interior life. Viewing your life as a complex organism, it becomes clear that the entire system works as an integrated whole, cooperating rather than competing with itself, ensuring that during it's long, robust life, it attracts many who are drawn first to it's beauty but then surprisingly inspired by it's strength and wisdom.

The way you choose to live and the example you set in your daily life will travel through the matrix of Humanity, impacting people you encounter, as well as many you may never meet, in ways you can barely imagine.

Now let's begin by getting acquainted with the first of the four Limbs of your

Happiness Tree

LOVE

More has been written, spoken, painted and sung about love, than any other single human experience, yet, it's origins and dynamics still remain largely mysterious. One thing is for sure, which anyone who has ever been in love can attest, being "in love" can be a journey of elation or a path to the most abject emotional pain. As Kahlil Gibran wrote regarding Love in his famous masterpiece, "The Prophet" :

"For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth".

Many philosophers, psychologists and authors have tried to deconstruct romantic love into the many ways it can be expressed and experienced. One recent such effort can be found in Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages", wherein he delineates love as being embodied in the following expressions:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Physical Touch

3. Acts of Service

4. Gifts

5. Quality Time

And certainly, each of us expresses our feelings of love through a different combination of these qualities and within each of these, there are innumerable nuances which give each love relation it's own unique personality. In fact, I have found that each of us unknowingly develops an expectation of what love should look and feel like, based on our own particular combination and intensity of these qualities. And the relationships that are the most mutually satisfying are those in which each partner demonstrates a similar blend of these love expressions.

Romantic love develops most often from physical attraction, a hormonally driven state which was described by Sigmund Freud as "a kind of sickness and craziness, an illusion, a blindness to what the loved person is really like". But if and as that lust develops into a mature relationship, passion eventually morphs into compassion and a deep friendship. Sex may still be involved, but it does not sustain the union. The partners appreciation for their mates broadens to include respect, understanding, comfort, adaptability, familiarity and shared interests. And this deeper form of love brings us greater lasting joy than does pure lust, but it is also much more difficult to lose. Someone may suffer a bruised ego if they are sexually rejected, but when a deep romantic connection is broken, the level of suffering can be soul wrenching.

In the following section, we will explore romantic love, but also the other important areas of our lives where love can be found: Friendships, Family and Self Love. You'll discover that perhaps the greatest of these is Self Love, as it is a necessary springboard from which we express and experience every other form.

LOVE / Friendship

Of all the variables in your life, your relationships may be the most complex and hold the most power to make you happy or miserable. And that includes friendships. Friendships can get messy at times, because we often allow friends so much access to our deeply personal lives, sharing secrets, beliefs and feelings and once shared, that information can be misused to hurt you, if the friendship begins to sour. Again the old adage "all things in moderation" applies here. Not everything needs to, or should be shared. I know that may seem paranoid to some of you, especially those whom have grown up against the backdrop of Facebook and other social media platforms, but not everyone in your social circle is your friend, nor do they necessarily have your best interest at heart. In fact, a true friend, someone you can count on in an emergency, someone who cares deeply about you and considers the impact their words and actions may have upon you. This indeed is a rare person. Here are the building blocks of a true friendship and the model against which you can evaluate yourself, as well as those who may claim to be your friend:

LOVE / Friendship / Trust

Our human life is not for sissies, it can be confusing and complicated and there are times when we could certainly benefit from the perspective of a trusted friend, to confirm or refute the validity of our thoughts and or actions. But these human machinations are often intensely personal and might be embarrassing if shared with just anyone. Is your friend someone with whom you can share your deepest, darkest secrets, all the while, confident that those details will never be revealed to others? This is the question you will need to answer before you allow an acquaintance to pass into the pantheon of true friendship.

LOVE / Friendship / Empathy

This is the capacity of a person to not just listen and understand, but to actually feel what you are feeling. Generally, this would be someone who has a rich emotional life of their own, not necessarily dramatic or hypersensitive, but who can for an example understand and relate to the sentiments expressed in a deeply passionate song or movie. If this sounds like you, you'll want to seek friends that share this positive characteristic, but there are many persons who were raised in a stoic setting, where emotional expression was frowned upon and discouraged and who now are uncomfortable being in the presence of shared feelings. While these people may be trustworthy and dependable, you'll never be able to truly let your hair down with them, because they will clam up, turn cold and retreat into the safety of their pragmatic existence. That is not to say that you should leave them behind, but just be aware that they may lack a true capacity for empathy, and as such cannot be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.

LOVE / Friendship / Dependability

This is a relative of trust, but rather than impacting your personal life, dependability has more to do with logistics and practical matters. Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine if an acquaintance can be depended upon:

1. Do they show up on time, or often leave you waiting, causing you to be late? 2. Do they keep their commitments or are they in the habit of canceling at the last minute? 3. Are they honest and fair in economic matters, or do they tend to always seek an advantage? 4. Do you feel they could be relied upon in an emergency or are they squeamish and reluctant to take a risk for others?

You may not know the answer to all of these questions, but this is where being a good judge of character is critical. And that is a skill that will just take time to develop. Until then, do a shrewd analysis of those who would be candidates for friendship, using these criteria. Most people will not possess all these qualities, but knowing what they are capable of and what they are not, will help you decide if you're willing to live with the compromise. Conversely, how do you rate yourself on the foregoing points? Remember, to have a good friend, you first have to know how to be one.

LOVE / Friendship / Respect

One of the qualities that are present in successful friendships is Respect. To be more clear "mutual respect". And more often than not, that will be someone who shares a view of the world similar to yours.

Examples:

Beliefs: Maybe you enjoy Nature and believe that working to reduce your impact on the environment is a worthy cause. Therefore, someone who views Nature as a force that opposes the interests of humanity and therefore should be conquered, may not be someone who's opinion you could respect, which may or may not indicate that they are likely to also hold other views that are counter to yours.

Behavior: Observe them carefully: how do they treat others? Are they kind and considerate or sarcastic and insensitive? Do they boast about themselves, or appear to be genuinely more interested in what others have to say?

As you've probably deduced by now, all of the qualities of a good friendship are interrelated. A person's trustworthiness, capacity for empathy and dependability will also effect how likely you are to respect them and how capable they are of respecting what is important to you. As we shine the light of scrutiny on those around us, we must also use it to illuminate our own lives. Have you questioned your beliefs and refined your behavior to ensure that you will be worthy of trust, dependability and respect from those you encounter?

Remember, one of the axioms of interpersonal relations is: you can only attract others with qualities that you yourself possess.

The Canopy of Friendship

If you can say honestly that you have a friend or friends that possess the qualities described above, treat them like gold, because they are of great value. But it may take months of association and shared experiences to determine if a friendship fits this gold standard. Until then, my advice is: keep your personal life personal, share thoughtfully and in sound bites, not manuscripts. Be a good friend and hope rather than expect that your commitment will be reciprocated. If not, you won't be as disappointed if unexpected developments suddenly change the character of that relationship.

That is not to say that friendships are not important: indeed they are. But this is one of the many areas of life where quality trumps quantity. People will come in and out of your life and if we speak to them casually on the phone, or see them periodically at festive gatherings, it is common vernacular to refer to them as "friends". But that actually diminishes the unique and special place that true friends hold in the development of your Happiness Tree. We may have casual conversations and a few laughs with "acquaintances", but we know a true friend will comfort us in our darkest moments. While "unconditional love", is probably only a phenomenon found in blood relations, if we care for and nurture our friendships, many of our faults are forgiven or overlooked. We are accepted for who we are, supported in our dreams, encouraged in our efforts, celebrated for our successes and consoled after our failures. And if you have even one friend in your life that provides that kind of love, consider yourself very fortunate. Never take them for granted and be vigilant for opportunities to reciprocate their kindness. Unlike familial relations, friendships thrive on attention and maintenance. Most people's lives are busy and complicated and as time passes, friends can drift apart unless an effort is made on the part of both parties to preserve the connection. But once that bond is established, true friends may only speak several times a year and visit even less often, but when life's challenges leave one of them vulnerable and in need of compassion, time and distance are no obstacles.

Friendships can even be more long-lived than romantic or familial relationships. Romantic relationships are often fraught with drama and compatibility issues, resulting in the unfortunate fact that they are more likely to be temporary affairs, rather than lifetime partnerships. Families are dynamic as well, but for a different reason. Parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts are likely to be well into the Summer of their lives by the time we appear on the scene. And one of the most difficult transitions into adulthood is losing these much loved pillars of our lives to old age or disease. But, because friends are often closer to our age, we can expect to enjoy them well into our senior years. And friendships are not encumbered by the complex issues that affect lovers, therefore, real and true friends are much more likely to be there for us, as others pass in and out of our lives. They are indeed one of the components of the rich soil into which we sink the roots of our Happiness Tree.

LOVE / Family

Family is a term whose definition has broadened immensely since I was a kid. In the 1960's and 70's, families were still thought of exclusively as blood relations, or heterosexual partners, brought together by marriage. But, now-a-days, we have same sex parents of both genders; an increasing number of mixed families; families with adopted children; foster kids; unmarried parents; single parents; unwed mothers, living with their parents and on and on. And I'm not passing judgment as to whether this is a good thing or not. Certainly there is no family unit that's perfect and there are many people that grew up in a more traditional family structure, who are still in therapy, trying to repair the damage done by their childhood experiences. So you might find it refreshing that "family" is now a much more flexible term and if you don't fit one of the more "old-school" definitions of family, don't worry, you can now build or join a surrogate family of your choosing.

We could define a surrogate family as any group of people that come together to share a common belief, heritage, lifestyle, ritual or need. Outside the boundaries of blood relations, we could view these types of "familial connections" as deep friendships, but they actually are more complex than that. Because the individuals in these groups share one or more common and often deeply personal characteristics, there is a camaraderie between them. They can be authentically themselves, because there is a mutual trust, which protects the individual as well as the group from the scrutiny of the outside world. While those in the group may not choose all of their cohorts as friends, they nonetheless make a greater than average effort to empathize with one another and maintain good relations, because the cohesiveness of the entire "family" depends upon it. Examples of these "surrogate families" or interdependent groups are: churches, therapy groups, professional, volunteer and social organizations.

Whatever your family structure or origin, the following three factors usually apply, making membership in a family one important way to receive love and affection from others:

LOVE / Family / Connection

The members derive a feeling of belonging from one another. They know that as a result of shared values and needs, they feel protected and relatively safe to be authentic.

LOVE / Family / Heritage

While a traditional family inherits genetic traits and a shared history from one another, novel or surrogate families share beliefs, lifestyles, and perhaps a historical framework which dictates many of their actions and behaviors, giving these groups a cohesiveness and mutual bond that embodies many of the advantages of a genetically related family, often with less of the drama.

LOVE / Family / Acceptance

Individuals, whether in a related family or a surrogate one, are like everyone else, in that they have flaws, faults and idiosyncrasies. And whereas these "blemishes" might make it difficult for an individual to form meaningful connections with others in the broader society, within a family, they are largely overlooked and accepted. Of course, that doesn't mean that addiction, violence, manipulation, or abuse should ever be tolerated by or from anyone. But harmless personality quirks and less than desirable habits might get a pass, because to be honest, we probably all have them.

The Canopy of the Family

So, you may be part of a large or small family or perhaps currently a lone wolf, but whatever your situation, just know that while being part of a family is not essential for happiness, under the right conditions, it can offer you an opportunity to share a great deal with others, a sense of being accepted and even appreciated for your qualities as well as your quirks. It can also serve as a good reason to get out of the house, to gather and celebrate on a regular basis, such as during holiday festivities, which can be especially important for those who might otherwise feel left out and isolated.

Whether blood relation or surrogate, is your family situation healthy and does it work for you? How would you change it if you could? These are important questions to ask yourself to determine what role, if any, family plays in your happiness and how it might be improved upon.

LOVE / Relationship

Like friendships, love relations may come and go. Therefore, if we allow ourselves to become dependent upon them to make us happy, we may find our level of satisfaction waxing and waining as those connections evolve and play out their respective destinies. We must endeavor to be whole, whether in or out of a relationship, basing happiness on our own internal resources, rather than relying on someone else to fill the perceived gaps in our lives. And those internal resources emanate from the one relationship you have, that will last a lifetime: your relationship to SELF. One thing that often stands in the way of individuals developing a strong internal connection, is a failure to understand the Dual Nature of Self.

LOVE / Relationship / Self

The Dual Nature of Self \- Having a healthy relationship with yourself is a critical part of developing a strong foundation from which your Happiness can flourish. And those who come to understand their dual nature (self and Self) are ultimately better equipped to experience happiness, regardless of their circumstances.

What do I mean by self and SELF? It is interesting to observe that in the English speaking world, there is one word "I" which refers to the totality of our existence. Whereas in many older cultures, individuals refer to themselves in the "second person", as if they were talking about someone outside their physical body: someone we will refer to as the "SELF". For an example the Spanish phrase "a mi, me gusta", means literally, "to me, I like it", as if to say the person that I refer to as "me", likes something. And while this just may seem like an idiosyncratic difference between languages, it actually points out an important element in the dual perception of "self" and "SELF", that is missing in our increasingly "independent" Western society.

It's ironic, that today, in the U.S. where the standard of living is among the highest in the world, the number of those afflicted with depression are at epidemic levels. How did this happen? Our fast-paced, largely independent and attainment driven culture has led many of us to believe that happiness arises from our social status and what we own, rather than our strength of character. I have experienced on many occasions, while viewing a documentary or travel show based on some "3rd World" destination, a sense of wonder at how the impoverished inhabitants of these lands were not sad or miserable, but rather, often smiled and laughed, able to find true satisfaction in their lives, in spite of the harshness of their existence. Then, I came to realize that the quality and richness of their deeper, "internal life" the life of the SELF, (comprised of wisdom, compassion, humility and connection to Nature), represented a wealth which no amount of money could buy and no depth of poverty could destroy. Because in the midst of their many challenges, it was their spiritual connection and "Sense of Purpose", which truly sustained them.

Therefore, the characteristic that allows for greater satisfaction and emotional health in these older societies is the ability to view one's physical life as a separate entity from the spiritual one. And by spiritual, I don't necessarily mean religious, although certainly religion is one very common path to experiencing a Spiritual connection, but certainly not the only one. Having this dual perspective of self and SELF allows one to be much more philosophical about matters related to the physical world and what happens here. Issues of illness, poverty, social upheaval and loss may impact our physical presence (our self) and our terrestrial existence, but the core; the deep spiritual "SELF" remains intact, connected to the mysterious web of life and humanity that forms a more profound connection, our true source of gratitude, joy, compassion, humility and yes, sustainable happiness.

That is not to say that we should abdicate control of our lives to some unseen force. Maintaining involvement in how events play out in our physical life is extremely important, but unfortunately, there are many factors that are beyond our control. And when failure or loss strike, having a sense of being firmly rooted in a core, internal SELF, helps us weather the inevitable ups and downs and eventually bounce back, rather than spiraling downward into a vortex of fear and despair. When we define our lives by "who we are" rather than "what happens to us", our Happiness Tree becomes much stronger, less vulnerable to the shifting winds of fate. When "I" represents something or someone deeper and more profound than the events in our lives; something that is indestructible, inherent in that, is a resilience that carries us through and buoys our optimism. A core belief that the events we encounter are merely life lessons, designed to broaden our wisdom, awareness and personal power.

What is Self Esteem?

The dictionary defines "Esteem" as: Respect, Admiration, especially for a person. In the case of Self Esteem, the person giving and receiving the respect and admiration is You. But those individuals who for whatever reason feel unworthy often trust and respect others more than themselves, which of course can leave one feeling emotionally unstable. How does this happen? Usually the causes are myriad and complex and may include: cruelty and or criticism by adults or siblings during childhood; being disappointed by one's own performance in romantic, personal or professional arenas; addiction to substances or counterproductive behavior patterns, such as obsession or codependence, etc. Just as one can lose respect for a friend or colleague, one can also lose respect for themselves and once lost, that faith in one's abilities and character can feel difficult to reestablish.

To better understand what Self Esteem is, we need to refer back to the previous section on 'The Dual Nature of the Self". I believe a healthy self esteem arises from a strong connection between the two realms of the self. When this connection is broken, it represents a breach in one's primary and most important relationship: the linkage to our True Self, our Inner Core. Negative or confusing events that occur when one is in this vulnerable state only serve to reinforce a belief that he is different, challenged or in some way compromised. This is a situation in which the conscious mind, (the self which arises from our thoughts and conditioning), can actually work against our best interests. Once a belief about ourself has been established and integrated into the "self-image", the mind selects vignettes from daily life, to confirm this belief. In essence, once the mind starts to believe the messages it receives from certain unbalanced experiences and treatment, it begins using these messages to weave a story about the self. A story which is inspired more by how we imagine ourselves to be perceived by others, rather than who we really are. This can create a feedback loop or "self-fulfilling prophesy", where in we actually create the very circumstances we fear.

For example: Imagine feeling stupid or slow, how might you respond to that feeling? You would isolate yourself and find reasons not to interact with others, for fear that they would discover how stupid and boring you really are. Eventually, friends and family would stop calling or coming around, creating certainty in your mind that they're avoiding you, which would only serve to make you feel more insecure. And so it goes.

The problem is that all these negative messages are being generated by the self about the self, while the true, deeper Self, comprised of spirit; character; goodness; generosity; wisdom; strength and courage, has been banished to some backwater and therefore has been unable to intercede. When this condition occurs, it becomes necessary to reestablish a dialogue between the two selves and begin editing, deleting or recreating elements of our personal story, evolving it into one that takes a more holistic view of the relationships and circumstances upon which our distorted view of ourselves began to coalesce in the first place. Remember, once we allow the internal critic to take center stage, he will narrate and then replay, over and over, a version of events that support his self-deprecating theme, while choosing to ignore other important factors that refute that conclusion. Once this critic is receiving the attention he craves, he is loathe to relinquish his starring role, so it may take some time and concentrated work to remove him from the stage. And there are several methods for doing this which are probably most effective when combined. And they are as follows:

Recalling people places and events to better understand them. It's not necessary to have total recall or to wrack your brain to accurately reenact who said what to whom. What is important is to get a better overall understanding of the people, places and events which transpired, how they were interconnected and how they contributed the unbalanced and in many cases badly distorted story you started believing about yourself. To do this, you'll need to begin a conversation with the person or persons involved. No, not the actual people, but rather, the "main characters" in your story that appear on the big screen of your mind. They may no longer be living or you may have lost touch with them, no matter: sit them down anyway in a virtual living room, get comfortable and start asking some questions. The answers may surprise you and you'll be astonished at how much clarity emerges from your conversation. You can meet for as long or as often as you like. And if these characters tell you something unsettling about yourself and it sounds true, accept it. You may have made mistakes and said or done thoughtless and cruel things. It's okay, we all have. The goal here is not to assign blame, but rather to gain a more realistic view of how you came to dislike yourself, then find forgiveness. Forgiveness for yourself and all those that played or are playing a part in your drama.

You may indeed discover that there are things about yourself that you don't like and if they are issues of character or the way you interact with others, those can be changed. If the reasons for your lacking self esteem have more to do with your appearance or conditions beyond your control, change what you can and accept that which you cannot change. We all have strengths and weaknesses and the way to learn to appreciate yourself more is to focus on your strengths. Commit to basing your future choices, responses and relationships, on being the best that you can be.... in every moment. Repairing your self esteem is as much about what you do in the future as it is gaining a new perspective on what occurred in the past.

Seek periods of solitude. The aforementioned conversations of course should not take place in a crowed restaurant, an elevator or while traveling on a bus. This would only serve to attract unpleasant glances from those around you. Rather, you need to find time alone, preferably while involved in a somewhat mindless activity. Certain activities help to promote a connection with the subconscious and these include, among others: meditation, gardening, painting, walking, long drives, listening to music or even reading. You can speak out loud if you wish, write or type your the dialog in a script format, or keep your conversations contained within your mind. Whatever works best for you. You'll learn more about the creative process in upcoming chapters.

Your subconscious mind is where your true Self can be found. It is a repository of wisdom about you and the world around you that you can draw upon whenever you like. However, it is a quiet partner that doesn't seek attention for itself. Rather, it lies waiting patiently for you to seek out it's guidance. The way to request it's presence is to slow down, quiet the conscious mind by occupying your hands in some creative or menial activity and allow the quiet inner voice to rise to the surface. Chances are, your subconscious mind, which we will call The Inner Self from now on, understands your fears, motivations, strengths, weaknesses, beliefs and attitudes much better than you do. Additionally, this inner mentor has a better handle on the dynamics of relationships you experienced in the past or are currently involved in. You see, the inner Self is not limited by things like desire, denial or a reluctance to be judgmental, he sums things and people up pretty quickly and files his conclusions away deep in your "data banks" for future reference. All too often however, this important analysis is not taken advantage of when you really need it, Powerful emotions demand to be in charge during moments of passion or anger and we may find ourselves doing things that we will later regret. But upon reflection, rather than saying "I told you so", your inner Self will seek to console you as you lick your wounds. He will start by helping you to work out the tangled web of feelings, conversations, impressions, fears and anger that led up to your less than stellar moment.

The Canopy the Self

To sum up all we've discussed: Self Esteem is an important and complex combination of faith, confidence and respect that we have in and for ourselves. At any time, but especially in childhood, our self esteem can be injured and cause us to separate from our developing core (our inner Self) and get too heavily invested in how other people view us, our feelings, fears and the stories that we learn to believe about ourselves. This cleaving of the subconscious and conscious mind (inner Self and outer self), leaves us unbalanced and unable to trust our own judgement or be decisive about the people and events that we encounter.

In order to heal this psychological injury, we should begin to address past and present challenges to our self esteem through reflection and reconciliation. Recalling and revisiting the troubling experiences that derailed our confidence and initiating a virtual meeting where our inner and outer selves confront the people and or events involved and attempt to gain more clarity on who were the responsible parties, how circumstances got out of control, what could have been done differently and what contribution we may have made to influence either positively or negatively how the scenario unfolded.

Solitude is the bubble which we create and retreat to. And it allows us to rewind our tapes in private and in so doing, gain new insights about ourselves and others. In this sacred solitude, we adopt and return to creative rituals that help the channels between our inner and outer selves open up, allowing these two spheres to reconnect and communicate. This will finally initiate a healing of the rift that caused us to lose faith in ourselves in the first place.

LOVE / Relationship / Intimacy

The word intimacy might conjure images of love-making, which certainly can be a part of intimacy, but the important role it plays in successful relationships goes far deeper than only physical satisfaction. It truly is the special psychological and emotional connection that two people share with one another and the glue that holds them together. The verb "intimate" means: to state, or make known, and it is through intimacy that we truly come to know another person in a way that is not accessible to anyone else. And this happens through two main avenues of exchange: Dialog and Vulnerability

Dialog \- Because true intimacy occurs between two persons that share a deep affection, there is a desire on the part of each partner to understand the thoughts, dreams, aspirations, history and emotional make up of the other. This can occur quickly, when the relationship is young or over years of association. But the result is the same: each partner feels that they are known very "intimately", having shared secrets and exclusive details about themselves that are intensely personal and private. This deep sharing requires that each partner surrender themselves, more or less to the following quality of intimacy.

Vulnerability \- Because each person has revealed "secret knowledge" about themselves to the other, the partners can easily wound each other with their words and actions. And it is this "mutual vulnerability" that motivates a loving mate to be thoughtful about the feelings of the other, to protect them and put them first. And yet, vulnerability can create a perceived loss of control, which often limits people's ability to fully engage with another person. Past hurts and concerns about future emotional setbacks understandably can make you wary of becoming too intimate. And after most adults have a few relationships under their belts, they may fear the power of love to disarm and harm them, and yet, it is precisely this fear that must be set aside in vulnerability. It implies and requires a deep trust of the other partner and comes perhaps with an unspoken warning: "don't cross this boundary or I may retreat and never return". Therefore, as vulnerability is a necessary component of intimacy and of a successful relationship, it must always be appreciated and respected, as it can be withdrawn at any time, eventually causing the relationship to collapse.

Unfortunately, for most couples, intimacy is a fleeting state, driven in the beginning by hormones and the novelty of a new relationship. But later, when routines and annoyances set in and especially when children or financial issues place stress on the partnership, intimacy may be the first casualty, turning the love nest into a rut of mundane details and short tempers. This is when anger can flair and the fragile intimacy can be shattered. A couple may then perceive that "work" is necessary to keep the relationship fresh and feeling like a sanctuary rather than a prison. If that work or attention is avoided or postponed, then guilt may set in, further complicating matters.

To avoid or reduce the impact of these inevitable pressures, it is necessary to maintain transparency and open communication. Stating frustrations and limitations can be liberating and even contribute to maintaining intimacy, especially if the openness is mutual. Communication may reveal a plan for dealing with stressful situations or at least staying connected during difficult times. An evening without the kids, a play day, candlelight dinner, weekend road trip, spontaneous love making and so on, can all provide a much needed break from routines and bring back the freshness of your early days together. And intentionally integrating the following quality of intimacy will help on all levels to keep the bond between you strong.

LOVE / Relationship / Touch

Our skin, while being the largest organ we have, is also incredibly sensitive to stimuli from the outside world. And that is nowhere more evident than when two people come close together and make contact. Touch has an amazing ability to convey a wide range of emotions alone or when combined with verbal communication. A handshake, a squeeze of the arm, a warm embrace, a kiss on the cheek or the neck, all say very different things and can either serve as an asset: sending a clear and welcome message, or can be an unwelcome and inappropriate gesture, that is ultimately confusing and off-putting. Knowing how and when to be intimate and with what degree of intensity is a very powerful skill or art really, that should be practiced and refined to enhance and clarify your communications, giving them much more impact and making them memorable experiences..

But touch is also extremely important for our physical and emotional health, enhancing it in many different ways: raising levels of oxytosin, a bonding hormone; reducing blood pressure; slowing heart rate; relaxing muscles nerves and blood vessels; decreasing depression and elevating mood; improving digestion; warming skin; increasing circulation and the list goes on and on. It has been shown that babies who were touched frequently became more well adjusted adults, with a more balanced emotional makeup and better health. And then they often go on to be more comfortable giving and receiving touch with others, later in life, including their own children.

In the context of a relationship, researchers have observed that touching rises steadily in the beginning and peaks somewhere early in marriage. Couples tend to settle on a frequency of touching that is mutually acceptable, with perhaps one compromising more than another, but usually with each reciprocating on a one to one ratio. But even if a couple has many other things in common, if their frequency of touching is out of sync from the beginning, the relationship is more than likely doomed.

So, it would be fair to say that touch varies from person to person in it's power to affect happiness. For someone who likes to give and receive touch, it is imperative to find a partner who is closely matched in that way. And the same would be true for one who is "touching challenged". But regardless of their innate tolerance for touch, almost everyone needs to satisfy some baseline in order to feel cared for, reassured and desirable. Touch is of course also the gateway to sexual intimacy and this is an area where couples can continue to experiment and improve, learning each others erogenous zones and triggers, as well as adjusting speed, pressure, timing and sensitivity. But touch may be most effective in communicating the truth about our feelings and emotions. Touch is often spontaneous and therefore, perceived as more authentic. If lovemaking between humans was just the act of intercourse, as it appears to be in most of the animal world, it wouldn't be nearly as powerful a force to bond people together. It is because of the deep, non-verbal messages of caring, understanding, selflessness and comfort that are communicated by touch during sexual intimacy, that it has the ability to elevate the experience into the realm of the majestic.

Whatever the context, someone who is intuitive regarding how and when to touch others holds great power to relax and therefore, influence acquaintances, friends, business associates and lovers. Appropriate and welcome touch has the ability to promote happiness for all participants, the givers as well as the receivers. Practice and master this skill and begin to witness how amazingly and effortlessly the right touch can positively transform your most important relationships.

LOVE / Relationship / Boundaries

I think, of all the interpersonal dynamics present in relationships, the subject of Boundaries are among the most poorly understood and yet most profound. How well we learn healthy boundaries as children is dependent upon how well our parents understood and practiced them. The boundaries breached between parents and children can range from subtle and unconscious to overt and criminal and can subsequently result in adults that either learn to build healthy relationships of their own or individuals who though adult in age, remain stuck in the emotional traumas of their early years, with fear, anxiety and cynicism as their only way to view and respond to the world around them.

Boundaries exist to help us define between behaviors that cause us and others emotional pain and those that do not. Children who learn that they gain acceptance and love by surrendering to abuse by adults may grow to perceive abuse as a form of love and that resistance only results in disapproval and isolation. As twisted and sad as this may sound, I imagine many of you reading this can understand and perhaps even relate to this type of unconscious conditioning. Unlearning these behavior patterns may require years of retraining the mind to recognize abusive people and situations and avoid them, even though a form of addiction to these damaging situations often remains. And unfortunately, those that have been abused in this way often go on to abuse others similarly, not because they are evil, but rather because the have learned that to avoid abuse by others, they must be in control of their relationships and controlling others often requires exceeding boundaries and causing emotional pain.

How can you know if you are operating from a mindset of unhealthy boundaries? The first question to ask yourself is: "Do I believe I am worthless?" In order to take advantage of a child, an adult must communicate either passively or intentionally that the child and his or her needs are not important. And therefore, the subsequent and perhaps operative conclusion is" "If I want love, acceptance and to feel worthwhile, I must do whatever other people want". If you find yourself sacrificing too much of yourself and your needs to others and still feeling unworthy, chances are you are struggling with boundary issues.

How can you learn and build healthy boundaries? To reach this point, you must first recognize and accept that a lack of healthy boundaries is damaging your life and furthermore that your dysfunctional thinking continues to keep you trapped in these destructive patterns. Therefore, It may be insufficient to rely only on your brain to get you out of this conundrum, you must call upon a greater wisdom... your gut.

Though you may enjoy, or even be obsessed by certain people in your life, if your gut, (we'll call it your Body Wisdom), tells you that something is not right, this may be a relationship that deserves greater scrutiny and perhaps should even be avoided or dissolved. When that feeling occurs, rather than putting it aside, excuse yourself or step away and ask: "Do I feel I'm being controlled? Is this person truly interested in my well being and fair treatment? Does the person in question resemble either physically or in terms of behavior, someone who may have abused me either emotionally or otherwise in the past?" If the answer to any or all of these questions is YES or even MAYBE, you need to take a time out and prepare yourself for a possible withdrawal from this self-perpetuated abuse.

I use the word Withdrawal, because those who lack boundaries often are stuck in a Codependent pattern of behavior, which is like an addiction. But rather than being addicted to a substance, those possessed by codependence are addicted to certain people, treatment and behaviors. Consequently, extricating yourself from these abusive situations can cause real emotional pain, not unlike the withdrawals experienced by alcoholics and drug addicts.

And yes, this sense of worthlessness and cycle of abuse at the hands of others is self perpetuated. It is true, you may feel you lack the ability to control your fate, that disappointment and failure is your destiny, but that is an illusion, a vestige of the past that can be effectively evicted from your life. Though it may be true that unscrupulous and mean people exist and that they are all too willing to take advantage of your lack of healthy boundaries, by not taking action, you are choosing to remain a victim and are therefore, complicit in your own unhappiness.

Boundaries are important! Learn about them, study the meaning and the anatomy of codependence and identify if you're caught in it's toxic grasp. Begin the necessary process of putting your life on the right path. If you don't, no one else will. Start today!

LOVE / Relationship / Integrity

The concept of integrity helps us keep in mind that our Happiness Tree doesn't grow over night, it is always a work in progress. And to that end, sometimes we have to forego short-term pleasures, to reach the long term goal of true contentment. It would be disingenuous to say that pursuing what is right in lieu of what is fun or feels good is always easy... it's not. But that is what makes it a character building habit. And you might then ask - "What is the benefit of doing what is right, when people all around me are doing what they want and getting away with it?" This is a very important existential question and one that goes to the heart of what integrity is. First of all, you may believe that others do as they please with no consequences, but there are almost always consequences. They may not be obvious to you, but they nonetheless arise. These consequences may occur months or even years after a selfish deed, obscuring any connection with the original event, but the connections are traceable, if one takes the time to connect the dots. And more importantly, doing what is right is it's own reward, even if no one else recognizes it. Why? Because you know!

Integrity, like happiness develops from the inside out, not the other way round. You may initially feel that getting what you want, even if it's at someone else's expense is a victimless crime, as long as the effected party doesn't find out. But later, when you reflect back on the circumstances, you may come to regret that course of action, especially if you one day became the recipient of just such careless treatment. Knowing what is right and doing it, in spite of your thoughts or desires, builds integrity. Why? Because you know that your values are strong and not vulnerable to compromise for any price. You know that when you tell people that they can count on you, it's a promise you can keep. Conversely, how can you expect people to trust you if you cannot trust yourself?

So how does one develop values? Or more to the point: how does one determine the difference between right and wrong? It may seem like a difficult task, requiring a deep wisdom, but really, it's quite simple: Each thought must be examined before it is allowed to evolve into a course of action, whether it be a written or spoken word or a deed. You need to step away from your emotional impulses and ask yourself these questions:

What do I hope to gain from this action?

Will this truly benefit me and if so, at who's expense?

If I was on the receiving end of this action, how might it affect me?

What will be the long and short-term consequences of this action?

If a friend came to me, asking whether taking this action would be right or wrong, what would I tell them?

This internal query is an expansion on the axiomatic "golden rule" (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you), and it not only helps you gage what is important to you and therefore, perhaps to others, but it also factors in the potential future consequences of various actions. This is very important, because acting on your impulses before examining them begins a chain of events that yogis might call "Karma", but which we can refer to as "Cause and Effect". Viewing this process through the lens of science, as Newton observed, in his third law of motion (paraphrasing): 'Every action sets in motion an equal and opposite reaction'. And once you recognize that your life evolves according to certain universal laws, you may eventually realize that no action exists in a vacuum. Each one will have consequences, and being thoughtful about how those consequences will effect you and others and then acting accordingly is how to live with integrity and consequently, how others will come to trust and respect you.

The Question of Marriage - According to the National Institutes of Health, marriage is increasingly an option rather than an imperative in today's 21st century society. This is largely due to the wide availability of birth control and that fact that many children are now being raised in single parent or cohabiting families. Jobs are scarce, especially for those on the lower end of the economic ladder and women are now willing to accept jobs that were previously the mainstay of blue-collar husbands and fathers. Therefore, unemployed or under-employed men are less likely to see marriage as an option, since the resources necessary for raising a family exceed their economic means.

Other recent research reveals that globally, 70 percent of people still believe marriage is a lifelong commitment and 75 percent claim it as a lifetime goal. Around 90 percent of Americans will marry during their lifetime and the two-parent household is still the rule, rather than the exception, with 66 percent of the population living in a married couple family. However, in Europe, (especially in the southern countries), cohabitation is replacing marriage as the relationship of choice. And within the U.S. the marriage rate has dropped by 50 percent over the last 42 years. Divorce rates are even more depressing. In the United States, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. Couples without children or that don't produce children during their marriage make up the majority of divorcees, at 66%

But enough with the statistics, let's proceed to the most important thing you want to know: Is marriage right for you? If you're young and just starting out in adult life, you need to do some soul-searching to determine what your personal life goals really are. Is it your life's mission to have children and raise a family? If the answer is yes, then you need to examine why that is so important to you. Some of the common answers to that question are: It's what you're supposed to do; It's good for society; I want someone to take care of me when I'm old; my parents expect it; everyone I know has kids, if I don't, I'll be left out.

And for women, the biological drive can be intense; overriding any practical argument against childbearing. But, if you have a partner and you've discussed at length the challenges and rewards of raising a family and you're both equally committed to the journey, then I would say marriage was made for you.

On the other hand, if you don't want children, or have children from a previous marriage and don't desire more, I think it would be wise to think very carefully whether marriage is the right fit for you. Many rush off, starry-eyed, to the jewelry store to search for a ring, imagining a blissful life full of morning kisses, long walks in the park, endless lovemaking, emotional support and travel. Frequently, the truth is very different. Relationships can be difficult, often requiring tremendous compromise from one or both partners to maintain a semblance of balance and harmony. So if you expect married life to always be a flight over the moon, you may be in for a big, unpleasant surprise.

As was eluded to in a previous section, self-knowledge is an imperative and ongoing process. One that can take many years of experiences, growth and continual introspection. Do you then still imagine it is possible to truly know another person well enough, in six months or a year of dating, to evaluate whether you want to spend the rest of your life with them? The realities of growing older, dashed expectations, insecurity and the pursuit of continuous excitement all put tremendous pressure on relationships to satisfy the shifting needs of each partner as the years pass. The inability of a marriage to live up to these challenges causes tension, which often gives way to fighting, emotional distance and even infidelity. Most relationships cannot withstand these complicated changes and eventually end. It's bad enough when this happens to non-married lovers, the resulting existential pain can be devastating. Now imagine that on top of that, there is a legal battle over who owns what, who gets the kids, who was at fault, and how much each partner stands to gain or lose in a court of law. Depending on your financial and or emotional investment, the outcomes can either be to your advantage or leave you poor and bitter for years to come.

Some of you reading this may perceive me to be against marriage. I am neither for or against marriage, that is for social scientists, politicians and theologians to discuss. I only believe that marriage is not for everyone and the aforementioned statistics would seem to bear that out. Reflecting back on the main goal of this book: making decisions based on fact, rather than emotions or other's expectations is more likely to lead to a happy, fulfilling life. Carefully evaluate whether being married will actually make you happier. If the answer is no, or if you're not sure, by all means, don't give in to prevailing pressures to take a walk down the aisle. If true love is present, it will withstand the test of time, whether defined by marriage or not. It is true that compromise is a necessary part of relationships and living in civil society. But there has to be a solid reason to enter into a binding, legal contract with another person, whether it be as a business partner or a spouse. Such arrangements are full of unimagined pitfalls and hurdles and the rewards have to be worth the risks, otherwise, you may be putting your future happiness in jeopardy and doing so is never a heroic sacrifice, but rather a fool's errand.

When Relationships End - Our love relationships are among our most intense human connections. Unlike those we share with family and friends, they reach into every part of our lives, intellectual, emotional and physical. And when they end, whether that ending results from a death or irreconcilable differences, the pain can be unbearable. Recovery however, just like any grieving process, does have a beginning a middle and an end. Yet the end, will most likely not return you neatly back to where you started before the relationship began... you and your life will be inexorably altered by the experience. And perhaps that is the take-away message here: that we grow more from our painful losses and failures than we do from our triumphs.

The imperative to grow, when we truly examine the choices and actions we've made, seems to lead us into challenging situations, where the likelihood of a successful outcome is low and yet we continue to follow the same counter-productive patterns. Then one day, usually after several major relationships are resigned to the rear view mirror, we decide to reduce our vulnerability by either making the decision to live alone or finding partners based on practical considerations rather than just emotional ones. This is what we decide that our failures are trying to tell us, that to follow our heart is to court disaster. But this seemingly rational response to a series of heartaches signifies a loss of innocence, a hardening of our hearts: as though we could avoid future emotional pain by just becoming determined to feel less.

If you look hard enough, you can see these refugees of love's losses all around you. Like the walking wounded, they remain insulated in their little bubbles, unwilling and eventually unable to create meaningful connections, because they have lost the ability to trust anyone, including themselves. If you allow life's less-than-happy twists and turns to make you bitter, you may one day find yourself among these refugees: living on the periphery of everything, unable to dedicate passion to any pursuit, as you have come to perceive the development of passion as the slippery slope, which always leads to pain.

So how can you recover from these relationship pitfalls while keeping your heart open to new, healthier possibilities? Well, first of all, just know that all relationships are a gamble and that by entering into one, you agree to potentially expose yourself to pain and loss. This however should not deter you. Life is all about experiences and growth and while you may suffer the loss of something meaningful if and when it ends, the experiences you will share with another human being will become woven into the poignant tapestry of your life. We become richer, more seasoned, compassionate and hopefully wiser human beings when we allow ourselves to leap into the unknown once in a while. The key is in how you engage in your relationships and as with many of life's challenges, the operative word is balance.

I have learned that to be in love does not necessitate losing yourself in the process, though many do. And in so doing, they become fearful that if their love is not returned to the degree they expect or if their partner begins to drift away that they themselves, will also drift away and eventually disappear. When you love deeply, for those of you who are intensely emotional, the tendency is to invest yourself totally in the relationship, tying your own personal destiny to the ebb and flow of capricious love. But I warn you: though you believe this demonstrates to your partner how deeply in love you are, it tempts almost certain disaster. Now you are no longer the confident, happy, spontaneous, fun person you once were, you slowly become fearful, apprehensive, untrusting, paranoid and cynical. Why? Because you have invested everything into something you know is risky, so you find yourself hyper-vigilant to any sign of weakness in the bonds that connect you. Your fears are actually negative thoughts that yearn to be vindicated, so you begin seeking evidence to defend your position that your partner is being unfair, has fallen out of love, or has even become unfaithful. And like a self fulfilling prophesy your constant focus on and expectation of calamity drives your partner away and potentially creates the very scenario you fear.

If you're young, I say, first learn about what it is to live alone. Learn to enjoy your own company and how to be self-sufficient. This will help you recognize that you don't need someone else to be functional or happy. There are many sources of joy and passion in this world, from which you can choose. Revealing a hidden talent or exposing yourself to areas of learning that excite you can bring tremendous satisfaction. Your continued personal development relies on you engaging in these activities before and after you decide to create a lasting partnership.

Someday though, love will come calling and you will feel helpless to resist it's pull. That's okay, it's normal and natural, go with it. But always maintain that awareness of self that you established earlier. Continue to develop and maintain your inner core, to nurture your own passions and talents. Embrace an attitude of sharing yourself with another rather than just becoming one half of a relationship. In this way, you are likely to recover faster if love takes an unfortunate turn. You will still have the full life you had before your relationship started and that will form the impenetrable base, below which you will not fall.

If you're more mature, and love's dagger has struck you down in midlife, it may feel more difficult to recover. As we get older, we are naturally likely to have more intense feelings and even visions of living out our lives with one special person. When those hopes are dashed, we may fear being alone forever more, forgotten and invisible. And as our social network has probably been pruned back, we may find less of a safety net underneath us to cushion our fall. This is why it becomes more important to carefully consider the people we bring into our lives. We no longer have the luxury of time to make costly mistakes. Now the stakes are much higher and the crowd of likely candidates has diminished. Those that remain likely have suffered their own emotional setbacks, causing them to also be apprehensive of any future commitments. The key here is to choose carefully and not to bet the farm on every new connection. And even though you're older and less active, it's still important, maybe even more so, to stay engaged in activities that you enjoy, that fulfill you. This is a good plan whether in preparation for a future with someone new, or as a strategy for healing from a recent loss. Stay positive, resist the temptation to become bitter and insulated, examine your own mistakes and thereby find forgiveness for those who caused you pain. Realize that they are on their own path of discovery and most likely suffering in their own way. Smile a lot, take care of your health, read, write, exercise or just rest, whatever seems to bring relief or distraction. But take care not to begin habits like repetitive drug use or drinking to excess. These seemingly temporary coping mechanisms can actually develop into pernicious addictions that will drive down your chances of a full recovery. Instead, put one foot in front of the other, take care of yourself as well as all the people, things and details of your life and day by day, the pain will give way to insight and growth. This is what it is to be human. Be grateful for what you have and for that day, waiting for you at some point in the unknowable future, when you'll be ready for love to once again find you worthy.

The Canopy of Relationships

As you can see, the term "relationship" has many different facets. And while you don't necessarily need to be in a relationship with someone else in order to be happy, the level of your ability to "relate" well to your SELF, first and foremost, will greatly enhance the health and success of any other human connections you do have and therefore, your potential for lasting happiness. And If you question the importance of developing a strong, healthy relationship to SELF, consider the monk, who on a "spiritual quest" seals himself away from society. In reality, is it possible he may be seeking a more direct connection with and understanding of himself, by removing all the distractions and subliminal influences of the life he put on hold? The same could be true for meditation, which is really just a mini monastic retreat, The main benefit of meditation may actually be to keep one well rooted, throughout the day, in the "true self", rather than the imaginary self of thoughts and prejudices. And though some form of worship or religious practice has been a characteristic of human life throughout our history, it may be that the "higher power" humans seek to connect with is actually the Core Self (the God within, if you will). Would you not agree that your own life is in fact the most personal and intimate encounter any of us will ever have with the majesty and mystery of creation?

A fundamental part of understanding what makes other people tick is first deconstructing our own impulses and actions. Human life is extremely complex, and that is why we need the most elaborate creation in the known universe (our brain) to successfully navigate it. But the human brain, like the the cosmos, will remain shrouded in mystery for the foreseeable future, even though scientists continue to develop new technologies to peer deeper and deeper into it's miraculous function. Therefore, If you can truly comprehend and harmonize your own body and brain, as well as your brain's partner, the mind, (which is where your concept of SELF resides), you have really accomplished something marvelous and rare. Those who are able to do so will go on to lead much happier lives. And there is no better laboratory for unraveling the mysteries of the brain, mind and the self, than within the context of a relationship with another human being. It is where every part of us is tested and found either worthy or lacking; where we are challenged to morph and mature to meet it's evolving expectations; and where we will be forced to question our own strengths and weaknesses, our beliefs and impulses and the perhaps even the reason for our very existence. Relationship is a true "baptism by fire" and can be the source of the greatest bliss or the most abject pain. It is the amorphous and continuously evolving nature of relationship that will hopefully motivate us to achieve a better understand of ourselves, which will ultimately leads us to becoming better, happier people.

HEALTH

We hear and read a lot about health these days and it seems that this, as well as other trends do run in cycles. Looking back on my early years, growing up in Northern California, I recall that one of the the pervasive themes of that era was "getting back to Nature", which suggested that a simple life, based on only using products sourced directly from Nature and seeking a spiritual connection with the Earth would lead to greater health and happiness. Were they wrong?. The movement was inspired by many factors, most prominently, negative press that had emerged about how truly polluted our world was becoming, how our food supply was in jeopardy from profit driven corporate farming practices. And we're still having the same conversations today.

Then, just as now, there were massive consumer swings away from certain products and toward others. Items that were processed in any way, or could be traced back to the harming of animals became taboo. But unlike current discussions about health, the movement in the 70's had as much to do with a deep compassion for the environment, as it did with living longer and looking better.

Today, those same hippies, tree huggers, activists and flower power children, (I was one myself), that were sounding alarm bells about the end of Nature are called "baby boomers". In spite of their AARP memberships and silver locks, their concern over the ripple effect of consumerism earlier in their life has been replaced by an obsession to avoid the "wrinkle effect" of aging. With their collective economic power, they have become the prime motivator behind myriad entrepreneurial ventures, designed to separate them from their money, by offering youth preserving advice, supplements, foods, cosmetics and exercise programs. But in spite of this massive demographic movement toward "health" or at least the illusion of it, as a nation, the U.S. is fatter, with a higher incidence of heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and mental illness than any other group in human history.

How can this be? Are we too obsessed with the minutia of this food or that supplement that we're missing the bigger picture? And do health and happiness have a reciprocal relationship? If do the right things to improve one, will the other follow suit? Furthermore, what is health anyway? This and other health related issues we will explore in the upcoming section, starting right now!

HEALTH / THE MIND

We all know what the brain is right? The 3 pounds of matter inside our heads that regulates and coordinates our bodily functions. But what is the mind? Surprisingly, there is no agreed upon definition, because this is part of the mysterious "inner self" which is not tangible, but which accounts for most of our thoughts and actions. As the brain can evolve throughout our lives, adding to and pruning networks to facilitate our physical and mental activities through a process known as "neuroplasticity", so too, the mind evolves, but through experiences, relationships, images, thoughts and beliefs.

Using a computer as a metaphor, there are two main components, the hardware (the case, hard drive and circuits, etc.), then the software, which is what the user of the computer interacts with. The hardware is essential for providing the infrastructure to support the software, but it's rigid, mechanical and electrical nature cannot interact with the outside world. The software on the other hand has what is called an "interface", which is flexible, teachable and communicates with it's user.

Your brain and mind are separate, but equal partners. They support each other in the carrying out the purposes for which they were each conceived. And though they are completely different, they both must receive periodic maintenance to continue functioning at their best. Like a computer's hardware, our brain requires energy, in the form of glucose (a type of sugar). In fact the brain is so hungry, it consumes 25% of the energy the body takes in and perhaps more when a challenging task arises. However, unlike a computer, a brain can repair itself and adapt to new patterns. This is usually accomplished during sleep, when the brain can process and integrate information and build new pathways to incorporate recently learned skills. But the brain is subject to and limited by the ability of the body to support it's energy needs and health. This is why you should care for your body as best you can, (that is covered in the next section), by eating a healthy, well balanced diet, getting sufficient and appropriate exercise and plenty of rest. This is the ongoing "maintenance" your brain requires to function well for a lifetime.

The mind, being more like a computer's software, is dependent upon it's user to interact with it, to learn it's capabilities and tame it. Like software, your mind too evolves through a type of "updates". Most are spontaneous, arising from the experiences and relationships we encounter. These shape the mind's thoughts and personality. But most people unwittingly allow their minds to be shaped only by outside forces, becoming slaves to "passive programming" or what psychologists call "conditioning". Fears, prejudices, destructive patterns, self-sabotage and codependence are symptoms of this negligence to tame the mind. These patterns will inevitably lead to great unhappiness. But you do not have to be a victim of conditioning. Like software, your mind is flexible and teachable, it will incorporate the "updates" you choose to provide it, thereby helping your entire life to function more predictably and efficiently. Doing so produces greater self awareness, comprehension of others, successful relationships in professional and personal spheres and inevitably, a greater potential for happiness.

What follows are the four branches of the human experience through which you and your mind will shape each other. Understanding and mastering their power to enhance all areas of your life will be essential to developing a deep and sustainable happiness.

HEALTH / Mind / Management

The Buddha said "What We Think, We Become". And this reminds us that the human condition has not changed all that much over the millennia, in spite of our industrial and technological revolutions. Most of us define ourselves through our thoughts. Our fears, limitations, self image, confidence, even our relationship to self and others are effected positively or negatively by our thoughts. Have you ever tried to control your thoughts? It's really difficult. Right? Even those who may have meditated for years, still struggle to disengage from the constant chatter that seems to emanate from nowhere. Where does it come from? It's as if there is another person standing beside you, and for all intents and purposes, there is.

The "self" from which all this chatter emanates, we will call the "Outer self". The one who tries to tell you who you are, what to think and what to project to others. The "Inner Self", or True Self is the YOU that exists before all the thoughts. It is silent and perpetual. So the goal of mind management is to align these two selves into one. This will be an ongoing practice, that you will never completely master. It isn't that you seek to quiet the thoughts, but rather to understand and tame them. They are telling you something about yourself and you should listen but don't become their slave.

If you remember the discussion earlier about the mind's programming or conditioning: it begins from birth and continues throughout your life. Most of the conditioning that you receive in childhood, happens without your knowledge or consent and you carry it with you into adulthood, unaltered and unquestioned. Then you take that learned information about yourself and the world around you, (accurate or not) and try to begin a life of your own. If you're like most of us, you probably have continued running into the same social, relational and occupational limitations over and over again. And then after a long pattern of blaming everyone else, you eventually arrived at the conclusion that the problem is you. It's okay. This is the way most of us learn and grow.... the hard way.

What you eventually will discover through this painful revelation is that many of the things you believe about yourself and others are not true. Maybe you learned as a child that the opposite gender was stupid or untrustworthy, or that you would always be a failure, that success would only happen to smart people, like your siblings. You may not have been told those things directly, but something you witnessed or heard came to be known in your "outer self" as the truth. These are extreme examples, but through image, music, conversation and experience, our minds are being tricked and programmed day after day, and unless challenged, this programming may be laid down in your brain's circuits as "reality". And it is this is the mixture of fact and illusion that form the bulk of your thoughts.

When these thoughts arise, they need to be listened to and challenged. Are they true, or just a story you are telling yourself? You may not know. So this will reveal an area of self discovery that needs to be undertaken. And the methods available for that discovery are limitless. Meditation is a popular method, but it doesn't work for everyone. I personally have trouble sitting still for more than a few minutes, so I find meditation very agitating. For those like me, I recommend some form of creativity, whether it be gardening, painting, sculpture, sewing or even writing. There is something inherent in the creative process that reaches into the core of our being, beckoning our inner wisdom to ascend and recapture the mind's precious real estate for the cause of truth. What you create or how talented you are is not the point. Rather it's sitting alone with yourself and allowing the dark, dank recesses of your consciousness to receive the light of day.

You see, this "imaginary self" is not without merit or purpose. It is where our creativity emanates from. When we paint, write, sculpt, or do anything creative, we are asking this "noisy step child" to finally come out of the shadows and provide inspiration. We are saying in essence, Okay, now it's your turn to take center stage. What is it you want to say? So through the language of art, you can begin to communicate with your "imperfect self", letting those images, patterns and impulses be channeled into your creative work. You need not expect to one day receive some epiphany, this is an organic process that helps to bring your two selves closer together, without any effort on your part, other than continuing to engage in the creative process. Thereby blending you into a cohesive, self realized whole.

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But as you continue revealing and challenging past conditioning, you must also guard against future distorted thoughts being formed without your knowledge. Be vigilant about what you feed your mind. If you listen to gossip and negativity, without questioning the source or the motivation from which it flows, you may begin to accept what you hear as the truth. If you make a habit of watching scary movies, you may one day become paralyzed by fear, unable to go anywhere without experiencing a paranoid sense of doom. These influences are very subtle and insidious, but nonetheless real and powerful. Developing and maintaining happiness depends on the continued culling and reshaping of your thoughts, for a lifetime.

The Canopy of Mind Management

Have you ever crossed paths with someone you would consider extraordinary. What made them that way? I'm not talking about their appearance, though that may indeed have been part of their allure. But more importantly, did they seem authentic, confident, honest, relaxed, brilliant, compassionate, talented, affable and happy? Did they look you straight in the eye without a hint of hesitation? They probably knew what to say and how to say it and I would imagine you remember a crystal clarity about their delivery: as if they could stand in front of thousands of onlookers and captivate them as they had captivated you. What is this desirable quality? Not a mysterious magnetic force, nor an unattainable personality trait, randomly endowed upon a select few. Rather this is the glow that results from intrepid individuals exploring the uncharted territory of the inner self to capture a bounty of wisdom. A wisdom which is perceived by others as an invisible aura that washes over all whom they encounter.

This is the kind of charisma that can only develop from a deep understanding of the self. Confidence and self awareness are not qualities that can be faked, at least not for very long. They require digging down through the layers of programming to find out who you really are. The risk is, you may not like what you find there, but this is in fact a good thing. It heralds the beginning of a quest for self improvement that will hopefully continue for the rest of your life. Attaining perfection is not the goal, but rather just being on the journey. Taking that first step already sets you apart from 95% of humanity.

So, how do you begin this odyssey to manage and bring together the wild, disparate parts of your personal life? First, become healthy. Your body is your vessel and vehicle. It is what allows you to participate in the material world. Health is always a primary goal which helps support success in all areas of your life. (This will be covered in greater detail in an upcoming section). Second, feed your mind. Invest your time in activities that promote learning and creativity. How does this promote growth and emotional integrity? Reading, writing, painting, gardening, sculpting sewing, traveling, teaching, building and all other challenging endeavors access parts of the mind that are mostly dormant during our busy social and professional lives. Your goal is to wake up this rich wellspring of wisdom and learn to access it throughout the day. This will help to increase awareness of your surroundings; listen and respond to those whom you encounter with greater clarity; calm your emotions; organize your life and activities and express your inner self through a thorough examination and refinement of all your efforts. In essence, you will begin to perceive a shift from art being something you do, to something that you are.

HEALTH / Mind / Balance

Creating balance in the mind is the effort to maintain emotional harmony. There are of course two emotional extremes, elation and despair, then there is the broad middle ground, where most of us are, most of the time. It would be understandable to desire a life lived in the realm of elation all the time. But even if it were possible, it would not be healthy. The pursuit of elation can become an addiction. It is a state of mind that can be brought on by risky behavior or drugs, increasing the level of endorphins (a hormone) in our brains. And as with all addictions, in order to remain in the elated state, it is necessary to continue turning up the volume: whether it be by engaging in even more risky behavior or taking more drugs. The mind will quickly adapt to a certain level of endorphins as "normal", and then, one becomes a slave to the pursuit of the perpetual high.

Despair of course is where no one wants to be, at least not for very long. Traumatic events such as the loss of a loved one can trigger long bouts of despair or depression. It can become a self perpetuating state, actually causing the brain to change it's physical structure and function. In essence, "injuring" the brain, thereby making it more difficult to regain a sense of control over one's life. If you find yourself here, the next section "Recovery" will address how to eventually regain emotional balance.

People with a disorder called manic/depression, are unable to control rapid leaps from one emotional extreme to another, except with the use of pharmaceutical drugs. For the rest of us, we will most certainly experience moments of great joy and abject despair, but barring a chemical imbalance in our brains, over which we have no control, we will be able to return to the broad middle, where highs and lows are more subtle. Balance is a quality of consciousness that is characterized by finding contentment in our daily affairs and yet having sufficient emotional flexibility to be sad or joyful at the appropriate times without being pulled too forcefully in one direction or another for too long.

The Canopy of Balance

The pursuit of balance is an intention to find a state of emotional equilibrium, a set point that we should return to after events in our lives temporarily pull us to one extreme or another. This is where we choose to be and as such, we don't view it as mediocrity, but instead seek out, discover or create contentment by paying more attention to what is happening NOW, rather than what we hope will happen in the future or what occurred in the past. Make "this moment" the best it can be, by being fully present in your relationships, in your work, in your art or even your relaxation. Focus your attention on enjoying all the little miracles most of us normally overlook. You don't need to be swinging from pole to pole, in search of constant stimulation, in order to feel alive. This is a state we often refer to derisively as 'drama". If you slow down and live with gratitude for what you do have, you may find that a simple, well organized life, which includes a focus on emotional and physical health, self knowledge; mutually supportive relationships; freedom from fear and anger and the setting and achieving of goals IS happiness, in it's purest and most sustainable form.

HEALTH / Mind / Recovery

"Into Each Life, Some Rain Must Fall" - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. None of us escape life's challenges. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, the dashing of hopes and dreams, a divorce or death in the family or one of many other possible traumatic life events. Suddenly, we find ourselves being pulled deeper into a vortex of negative emotions; fear and insecurity, that cause us to lose faith in ourselves and others. Life can begin to feel so pointless and unfair. Anxiety and depression set in and it seems our only peace is found in sleep. Days run together and even sunlight is painful, as we imagine the rest of the world happy and productive, oblivious to our ever-present grief. If you have experienced this before or are going through it now, you are NOT alone. I do understand, because I have been there myself and I know that it can seem like a life sentence when you're in it. However, trust me when I say, it will pass and you and your life will be transformed for the better because of it, and much sooner than you think.

But please don't misunderstand: traumatic life events can leave deep emotional scars and are not to be trivialized. Yes, you will feel better one day, but when and how may depend your ability to cope with and respond to the cascade of feelings that are likely to hit you like a tidal wave.

Let's dig into the anatomy of grief for a moment, to understand what it is and what you can expect to experience as you work to regain a sense of control over your life.

What is Grief?

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published what became known as the 'Five Stages of Grief. They are:

Denial: "This cannot be happening to me".

Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to blame".

Bargaining: "Make this situation go away and in return, I will ___________".

Depression: "I am too sad to do anything".

Acceptance: "I am at peace with what happened".

You may not experience all of these stages and perhaps not in a neat or orderly fashion either. Some you may pass through rather quickly, while others will take a while to clear. Either way, there is no right or wrong way to feel and no common timetable for your grief to lift. Each person's experience of loss is as individual as the circumstances which caused it to arise. Here are a few of the life events that can trigger a prolonged sense of loss:

Divorce or a relationship ending, a loss of health, losing a job, loss of financial stability, a miscarriage, death of a pet, loss of a cherished dream, a loved one's serious illness, the loss of a friendship, physical and or emotional trauma, being forced to move from your home. These are of course serious life events, but grief can also occur for less obvious reasons, appearing on our emotional horizon suddenly and without warning. Sometimes, deep soul-searching becomes necessary to uncover the cause. It can be as subtle as a movie triggering a childhood memory, a song that reminds us of lost love, even a scent can cause recollections buried deep in our past, unexpectedly showing up on our emotional horizon, uninvited and unwelcome.

If you question whether your low mood is indeed grief, here are some of the symptoms with which is it associated:

Shock and disbelief - You may find your mind drifting in and out of reality, forgetting and then suddenly remembering that a loss has occurred. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting him or her to show up, even though you know they are gone.

Sadness - Profound sadness the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, yearning, despair, loneliness and you may cry a lot, feel emotionally unstable.

Guilt - You may begin to feel guilty that you didn't do more to prevent the loss or minimize the impact on yourself or someone else. Even if the guilt is unwarranted, you may still notice yourself slipping into self-reproach.

Anger - It is normal to be angry. The anger may be directed at someone for leaving you, perhaps at doctors, for not doing enough to save a loved one, you may be angry at God or believe that someone must be to blame.

Fear - Suffering a loss can trigger fears: fears about mortality, facing responsibilities alone and being vulnerable. Even panic and anxiety can set in, as the brain is flooded with stress hormones, causing a sense of immediate danger.

Physical symptoms - Weight loss, vomiting, fatigue, lowered immunity, aches and pains and insomnia are common things people will experience in their body in the days, weeks and months after a significant loss.

Is it Grief or Depression?

Distinguishing between grief and depression can be difficult. Simply put, with grief, one can still experience moments of pleasure and function in spite of the sadness, whereas with depression, the emotional pain is constant. A depressed person may find it difficult to get out of bed, gather their thoughts or care for their basic needs. Their speech can often be slowed or even slurred and they may express a desire to end their suffering. These important symptoms can persist for some time and should be taken seriously by the one effected and or family and friends, as a potentially life-threatening condition. Over 38,000 people take their life each year in America. In 2010 (the last year for which data is available), there were 38,364 reported suicide deaths in the United States. Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for adults between the ages of 18 and 65 in the U.S.

If the aforementioned symptoms of depression sound like you or someone you know, it is important for that person to seek professional help. There is some controversy as to whether antidepressant medications should be administered first, or if talk therapy may be a more effective primary intervention, leaving medication as a last resort. My personal opinion is that antidepressants save lives. New medications have few if any side-effects and work fairly quickly. Talk therapy can take months to show results and is usually only available to clients once a week or even less often, leaving them to struggle with their topsy turvy world on their own. Additionally, talk therapy may not be covered by insurance, whereas anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications often are, if prescribed by a treating physician.

For ongoing support, there are outpatient cognitive therapy programs and support groups across the country, that meet regularly on a variety of topics related to loss. Consult the internet for resources in your neighborhood. Friends and family can be helpful, but often the afflicted person feels guilty "dumping" their problems on well-meaning loved ones, adding an even greater emotional load to their already heavy burden. My advice is if you feel that grief has continued too long or has progressed to depression, take action sooner rather than later. A combination of regular meetings with trained therapists and appropriate medication can reduce suffering and speed recovery. It may even save a life!

Beyond that, be sure to care for your physical body. Eat regularly, even if you're not hungry. Consume plenty of liquids, get some exercise like walking or stretching if you can. And by all means, get plenty of rest. Your body and brain need to heal and sleep is the best medicine for both. Channel your emotions into action that burns calories and you will sleep more soundly. Take a sleep aid once in a while if absolutely necessary, but don't become dependent on them. Try to love yourself and stay focused on the faith that life will get better and that when it does, you'll want to still be healthy enough to enjoy it.

The Canopy of Recovery

Once a crisis has passed, you may enter a phase of confusion, a sense of lacking direction and not knowing where events may lead you from here. This is when it becomes important to make courageous leaps into social, creative, intellectual and pleasurable pursuits. Your brain and body have literally suffered a tsunami and the once familiar landscape of your life has been washed away, its time to rebuild. Take baby steps to regain your emotional footing and reward yourself for being brave. Do things that please you, long baths, walks in the woods, reading, gardening, painting, whatever brings you pleasure. If the activity is healthy and it makes you happy, go with it. Be patient, don't expect your life to suddenly kick-start and speed into high gear. This is when true growth begins, so allow space and time for it to take root. You may not realize it, but your brain is rebooting: building a new scaffolding on the ashes of your past traumas from which you can gain a better view of the road ahead, knowing that with the addition of each new strut, you become stronger and better, smarter and more mature.

Let me provide you with a story that will demonstrate how quickly your life can turn around. Imagine yourself a caterpillar, stuck to a plant, unable to do much more than provide for your immediate needs. You have dreams of freedom, yet, when you awaken, nothing has changed; you can do little more than watch the world pass by. Eventually, it occurs to you that another type of existence is possible. At first, the view of what your life could be only comes to you in fragments. You dare not invest too much energy into them, because you're afraid of creating false hope. Yet one day, something strange happens: you arise from a particularly long and restful sleep and the world looks different, full of heretofore unimagined possibilities. You sense your energy level increasing and a new perception of reality washes over you. Glimpsing a beautiful flower above, you raise up to catch its scent and suddenly, you're aloft on new, beautiful wings, coursing in the breeze and gazing down to view the old twig that was once your home, disappearing in the distance. You're finally free, your life is renewed and the future is now brighter than ever.

The metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly is one of nature's most amazing and mysterious processes, but it also provides us a perfect metaphor for how your life can transform from the drab, one-dimensional state of grief and hopelessness to a new paradigm defined by renewed self-awareness, confidence and purpose. But it is also useful to think of recovery not only as a single event that corresponds to one particular trauma, but also, an ongoing process of re-integration, redirection and refinement. We all have setbacks; some are severe, requiring us to build a new life from scratch, others, though less traumatic, alter our course and rattle us from our comfort zones. Recovery works behind the scenes to help our Happiness Tree constantly prune old, obsolete networks and grow new ones from the recycled components. Your body is actually in a constant state of recovery. Cells are born, they work hard at their specific task and then they die. These expired cells are then recycled to whatever degree possible and what remains is channelled out of your body. New cells are then created to take their place. Correspondingly, your life is in a constant state of flux, ebbing and flowing between lean times and times of plenty. Viewing recovery as a way to make the most of the resources you currently have available will help to keep the roots of your Happiness Tree fresh and strong, ready to withstand the challenges presented by any future storms.

HEALTH / Mind / Expansion

Expansion, though it can be considered a synonym for growth, here, is meant to suggest your intention to perpetually increase the power of your mind: stretching your life into new areas of learning, creativity and expression. And there is a reason that it is found in the upper branches of your Happiness Tree, because it is necessary to first learn about and gain some control over your life through the more supportive branches, (Management, Balance and Recovery), before you can harness it's power. In fact, "Expansion" of your mind may in represent one of the most important areas of your Happiness strategy. Why? Well, though the structural elements of a full, satisfying life: Love, Physical Health, Purpose and Freedom certainly promote and contribute to happiness, we create and experience happiness primarily in the mind. And therefore, expanding the mind could be considered a direct way to expand your happiness. So let's explore what Mind Expansion is and how to promote it's development.

Have you ever traveled through an impoverished area of the world, where large and small families alike may live cheek to jowl in crowded encampments, where homes are constructed of discarded wood or metal, recycled cardboard and corrugated plastic? These families and individuals may not have access to clean water or fresh food for weeks at a time. The parents may spend hours a day away from home begging for money or doing some type of manual labor, to bring home only enough to perpetuate their seemingly hellish existence. And yet, if you look carefully, you'll find to your amazement, that the children of these families find ways to have fun. They laugh and play hide and seek, like children all over the world. They make toys out of sticks, rocks and string. They are curious about the world around them, naive, innocent, friendly and kind. How is this possible?

Most people start out kind of like lumps of clay, little bundles of potential. They may get showered with love and attention or not, depending on the family's circumstances. Either way, children all over the world are curious, optimistic and eager to learn. Nature designs them that way. Somewhere in late childhood or early adolescence though, their bodies begin to change and powerful hormones switch on innate biological drives to compete, become independent, dominate, procreate and eventually, for most, begin a family of their own. This initiates a difficult but normal and necessary period of challenges, maturation and eventually adulthood.

In the so called "developed world", most people's lives hit a plateau at this point: they get a job, maybe start a family, find a house and fill it with stuff, eat, work, watch TV and sleep. Out of a perception of duty, exhaustion, or programming (that's what Mom and Dad did), most people's lives do not expand much beyond this point. They never recapture the wonderful qualities of their childhood: imagination, curiosity, creativity, play, innocence, optimism and joy. Yet, these are the very qualities that as children, allowed them to learn, grow and rise above their circumstances, helping them to find happiness in the most unlikely places. So expansion means using the same building blocks that came naturally to you in childhood, but applying them to your adult life, whatever your age, to find the miracles and wisdom, waiting to be discovered in the simplest things.

Let me introduce you to Anthony and explain how without knowing it, he used expansion to transform challenges in his life into opportunities.

Anthony was born a perfectly normal child to a deeply religious family in the South of the U.S. He had two sisters and lots of playmates in the neighborhood. One day though, he felt sick, as if he had a bad case of the flu. His mother put him to bed and when he awoke the following morning, he was unable to walk. His parents frantically carried him into the doctor's office, but their village's elderly doctor didn't have any clue what was wrong with him. Then they drove him to a teaching hospital that was over 70 miles away and a specialist there diagnosed Anthony as having contracted polio. Anthony never walked again without braces and crutches.

With the little money they had, Anthony's parents did their best to accommodate his disability, by cleaning up the old wheel chair Anthony's grandma had used before she died. Anthony's dad also built a ramp that led from the yard to the front of the house, to make it possible for Anthony to get around without much help. But it became clear to Anthony that polio had not only effected him, but also the rest of the family. Anthony needed guidance and support to cope with and understand how his life options had changed, but knowing how expensive such therapy was, his father only bristled with anger whenever the subject was raised at the dinner table and his mother would just glance furtively in Anthony's direction, not wishing to stir up trouble.

Some of Anthony's friends visited soon after his diagnosis, but when Summer arrived, they stopped coming, returning to their normal, boyhood activities and leaving Anthony to figure out how to entertain himself. Throughout the week Anthony played solitaire, read comic books and began learning how to draw, making funny caricatures of his sisters and family members. But Sunday's were still all about church and though it was difficult, Anthony got pretty good at maneuvering his increasingly spindly legs into his suit pants, making his way into church with his crutches and lurching his lower body into the pew. As he sat through the sermon, he couldn't help but notice how the religious experience effected everyone around him. They seemed almost mesmerized by the music, the words of the minister and the aura created by the collective activity . Old people with tremors stopped shaking, baby's stopped crying, unruly kids sat still and listened. Everyone's mind seemed surrendered to the ceremony, except for his. He was instead distracted by the beautiful stained glass windows. He wondered how they were made and became fascinated by the way the morning sunlight streamed through them, landing on the huge rafters supporting the church ceiling, casting perfectly odd shadows against the white walls. He observed the strange rituals performed by the priest and how the same phrases were repeated week after week. He wondered how these rituals came into use and why they seemed so powerful to the faithful.

Every night at dinner, Anthony's father would lead the family in prayer to give thanks for the food on the table and all blessings the family enjoyed. And though he bowed his head and recited the prayer, Anthony wondered how his seemingly intelligent mother and father could ignore the fact that this supposedly benevolent god had seen fit to allow an innocent boy to contract this horrible disease. Though he tried to hide it, Anthony's family was beginning to see that he "didn't have the faith", as Anthony's mom and dad would say to each other in their private moments. As Anthony grew older, he became increasingly estranged from his family, eventually after his 18th birthday, applying for and receiving Social Security, which allowed him to get his own small apartment.

Anthony struggled for the first year, devising ways to cook, clean and care for himself. He had a couple of girlfriends who initially were attracted to him out of sympathy, but they eventually lost interest. Anthony came to understand that he really couldn't count on anyone but himself. Even the faith that his parents clung to with such tenacity had failed them, (in his eyes), because their only son ended up with a crippling disease. He realized that if he was going to do more than just exist, he would have to invent a life for himself that was built on self-reliance and the mind, rather than the body. He got a ride to the library and began selecting books on the function of the brain and the mind, as well as overcoming the challenges faced by the disabled. He also sought out writings on public speaking and interpersonal relations. By the time he was finished, he had four large piles of books that the librarian stuffed into bags and brought to his friend's waiting car. He spent the next 6 months devouring the wisdom in these books, sometimes reading them 2 or 3 times to be sure the information became second nature to him. He came to love books and started composing small articles on various aspects of the human experience. In fact the process of learning captivated him so much that for hours at a time, he didn't give one thought to being disabled. He began to realize that indeed, polio had been a kind of blessing. It forced him to use his mind in different ways from the people living in the little town where he was born. He had to solve problems that they couldn't even imagine and that had endowed him with special insights and skills. Now he understood why his mind was so active in church: how, when everyone else was mesmerized by the service, his thoughts were racing from the way the building had been constructed to how light from the window played on the various colors and shapes inside the chapel. It was clear to him now that his future would be built on the wisdom he gained through coping with his challenges. He started envisioning a life of helping others with their personal struggles and he knew that education would be the only way he would be able to achieve his dreams. So he applied for scholarships and was awarded several, based on his disability and his writings. The following six years were the best in his life, during which he achieved a masters degree in Psychotherapy. He then set up a practice, wrote ground braking books on psychology, tirelessly worked to promote the rights of disabled persons and even won a patents for products he designed to help those dealing with physical limitations. He married a lovely girl he had met at the University and together they had 4 children.

From the day Anthony realized that his mind was much more powerful than his legs, he never again felt disadvantaged. He came to understand that while most people perceived themselves as limited, the only real limitations are the ones you perceive. One of his favorite quotes was from an article he read in 1978 by Henry Kissinger: "The absence of alternatives clears the mind". Meaning that when you have too many options, sometimes it becomes difficult to decide what course of action to undertake.

What if you suddenly became handicapped in some way and were unable to continue living life as you had come to know it. How would you cope? What changes would you be forced to make and how might those changes open your mind to novel ways of defining success and happiness?

The Canopy of Expansion

From Anthony's experience we can see that Expansion is no more than opening your mind to the world of possibilities all around you, to discover what you're passionate about and then setting an intention to learn about it and make it a part of your life. It is so common for average people, who are perfectly fit and able-bodied, to limit themselves with statements like: I'm too old; I don't have enough time or money; I won't fit in; I'm not smart enough; I'm afraid I'll fail; nobody else I know is doing that, there must be a reason, and on and on. Now imagine, you suddenly can't get out of your chair without braces and crutches. Even going to the bathroom is an exhausting ordeal. Everyone would understand if you just gave up. Right? But even with this severe handicap, Anthony accomplished much more than most non-handicapped persons.... so imagine what you could do!

You don't need to set the world on fire. You don't even have to get an advanced education or start a business. Just commit yourself to learning and growing, developing your skills and abilities into new, interesting arenas. Challenge yourself to take on difficult tasks and experience the satisfaction of accomplishing more than you imagined possible. Learn, create, innovate, use your mind to help yourself and others develop a greater understanding of this wonderfully complex and interesting world. If Happiness is an art, then the Mind is the clean, white canvas and Expansion represents all the raw materials and tools. Life can either be drudgery or delight, it really is your choice. Sure, there will be sad, difficult and challenging times, there will also be failures, but if you allow those to define you then there is no room for hope. Learn to seek out new opportunities to create success, even in the simplest things and happiness will no longer be just an elusive emotion but rather a life-long companion.

HEALTH / Mind / Fulfillment

Why do you exist? Do you ever ask yourself that question? Chances are, since you're reading this book, you probably question a lot of things in your life, in an effort to better understand what it is to be human and how to get the most out of your time on planet Earth. But unlike children, who perceive no limits to their future and are often heard stating that they wish one day to become a doctor, an astronaut or famous artist, as we mature and become more "realistic" (perhaps alternatively defined as less hopeful and more cynical), we begin to prune back our desires and dreams to what seems attainable, given the time and resources available. In fact, modern life places so many challenges before us, that we may even start to view "personal fulfillment" as an elitist luxury that we cannot afford or that we would even be selfish to consider. Do either of the following anecdotes sound familiar to you?

Patricia

"I was the oldest girl in a large family. Both of my parents worked full time, so I was left to take care of my brothers and sisters while Mom and Dad were away. Both of my parents had low wage jobs and were barely able to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. So, when I became a mother, I wanted my children to enjoy all the things that were denied me, such as a college education, nice clothes, cars and vacations, you know... the good life. Now, they've moved away and have children of their own. They're struggling financially, so I help them as often as I can, but beyond that, I am now left wondering how to redefine myself. I have always been a caretaker and mother, cooking, cleaning, providing and working for the betterment of my children and family. Without those constant challenges tugging at me, I find myself searching my mind every morning for a reason to get out of bed".

Ted

"I was an only child and spent much of my early years in bed or at the hospital. I had trouble maintaining normal weight and my muscles were always weak. All the men in my family, stretching back generations, were soldiers and in spite of my apparent disability, by the time I was seven years old, my father was introducing me to guns and taking me to rifle ranges for shooting practice. The military was such an important part of his life, that he never questioned whether I would follow in his footsteps. Therefore, I was afraid to tell him that I dreamed of pursuing a life of music and art rather than one of military service. I turned 18 in 1965 and was required to report for the draft. After a physical exam, it was determined that I was not fit to serve and was sent home. This was such a disappointment to my father that he became bitter and our relationship soured. Several years later, he was killed in a military exercise, making it impossible for me to ever regain his respect and love. I entered adulthood feeling like a failure and never pursued my artistic desires, fearing that if I failed, my father's disappointment in me would be justified."

The Canopy of Fulfillment

In the foregoing examples, it's clear that both Patricia and Ted are lacking true meaning in their lives, and in the absence of that, they are unlikely to develop a deep, abiding happiness. One theme runs through both of these stories and that is the need or desire to serve and please others. Certainly Patricia was an excellent mother and did all she could to make her children's lives a success. But in the process, she never considered her own needs or how she would like her life to evolve once the kids were out of the house. Ted on the other hand did have a clear idea about what he would find fulfilling, but suppressed it out of deference to his father. After his father died, he allowed shame to continue to drive a wedge between himself and his dreams. What stops you?

For many of us, it's Fear wearing many different disguises: not enough time, other things are more important, lack of just the right training, whatever... it's all fear of failure. But what is failure really? We have attached such a curse to this word that we almost need to toss it out and create a new word that describes the process of attempting something and then discovering we are currently ill-equipped to meet our own expectations. Rather than giving up, as many do at this point, there are other plausible conclusions to be reached. Maybe our expectations were too high and the tasks needed to broken down into smaller goals. Maybe, now that we understand the challenges better, we can arm ourselves with new knowledge and resources and begin again. Expressed another way, failure is nothing more than a lesson we would have been unable to learn without putting something at risk...maybe money, maybe just our pride. But having survived it, we are now battle hardened and better prepared to succeed the next time.

Within all of us there is a battle being waged between our need to find fulfillment and a fear of losing faith in ourselves. This fragile faith can be more clearly defined as "Our Ego". When we imagine tip-toeing into our field of dreams and reaching toward our Happiness Tree Canopy, many emotions come to the surface. Years of negative conditioning and self deprecating chatter suddenly shows up to dampen our enthusiasm and damage our confidence. And if we listen to it, when we enter unexplored territory, we expect to fall flat, not realizing that by having that expectation, we are programming ourselves to do just that.

Do you ever wonder how very successful people overcome their fears? They have the same inner voices that you and I do. Whether they grew up poor, lacked adequate education, or were constantly criticized by their elders, they are still able to aim for the stars. But how? By not listening to their inner demons. They are able to separate who they are from the messages that pass in and out of their minds. They realize that they have a choice to view their past experiences as either evidence that success will always elude them or as lessons that they can build upon which will actually help them triumph. Furthermore, they understand "failure" only really happens when you choose not to try. Everything else is a lesson. What you do with that lesson is up to you. If you choose to see it as a loss and a reason to never challenge yourself again, join the club, you'll have lots of company. But if instead you decide you have a responsibility to yourself and to this life to reach your full potential, you won't let anything or anyone stand in your way.

Remember, failure" only really happens when you choose not to try. Fulfillment happens not only when you succeed, but when you are engaged in the process of reaching your goals. Begin something today and pursue it with optimism and gusto. Recognize that the negative chatter will get louder and louder at first until you choose to ignore it. Then suddenly, it will disappear. Accept that a goal is only a point on the horizon that you aim for and that point becomes the compass by which you navigate the road ahead. If you hit a speed bump along the way, don't be discouraged, plan a detour and continue your journey. One day in the near future, you'll recall the moment you started and realize how much you've learned and grown since then. That feeling my friend is called Fulfillment!

HEALTH / THE BODY

Disclaimer

I am not a medical doctor. Therefore, the information I share in the following paragraphs originates from my own research and experience and is in no way meant to serve as medical advice. Health is of course a very deep and broad subject and there are many factors that can effect it. For this writing, we will assume you are currently of average health and not struggling with any chronic or acute conditions that might require certain medical or pharmaceutical interventions. While those with such conditions may still benefit from the simple lifestyle adjustments suggested below, changes to your diet, exercise regime or supplement intake should be reviewed by your doctor before being initiated.

Your body is essentially the vessel with which you navigate the sacred waters of your life. As much as possible, that vessel has to be up for the journey and able to function under the strain of the challenges you will most certainly face. We all want our health to be a given, so that we can concentrate on all the other aspects of our lives, but just like any other earthly matter, if it's not cared for, it will deteriorate, so pay attention to your body, as if your very life depended upon it. Because it does!

So whether young, middle-aged or senior, you may be one of these lucky individuals that never had to do much to stay in shape. Maybe you've pretty much eaten what you wanted, given very little thought to exercise and not taken much of an interest in learning what being healthy really meant to you. Or, perhaps fate has not been so kind to you and you've had to struggle to stay healthy over the years and that has effected your sense of well being. Whichever camp you're in, it's high time to get the simple facts on reaching and maintaining good health. And I'm not just referring to weight control; there is a lot more to being healthy than just weight. The appearance of your skin; your eyesight; the strength of your muscles, joints and bones; your energy level; how well your mind works; how long you can expect to live and yes, even your sexual performance are all effected by the quality of your health.

Let's talk about some of your body's needs and how those needs can be met in an efficient, sustainable way.

HEALTH / Body / Food, Water, Digestion, Elimination

Food – When it comes to the inseparable relationship between food and weight, keep this in mind: Calories in / Calories out: It's that simple guys and gals. don't make it more complicated than it needs to be. Consume fewer calories and become more active and you will lose weight. I will tell you though, from personal experience, it does seem to get harder to manage weight as we get older. Science has gone back and forth confirming, then denying, that age and metabolism are related. We may never know for sure. Perhaps we have a set point already built into our genes that programs us for a particular weight at different times of our lives. But here is my philosophy: if you are eating reasonably and have an active lifestyle, spending more time, energy and money trying to shed a few extra pounds may only serve to drain your wallet and knock your life out of balance. I believe it is possible to be over your "ideal weight", whatever that means, and still be healthy. If your heart rate is low; 60-75 beats per minute, your blood pressure is within guidelines (115/70, being ideal), your blood sugar and cholesterol levels are well managed and your blood concentrations of Vitamin D are within range of optimal, then you're probably healthier than most people, even some of those who appear to be thinner.

Pay attention to food groups – There are 3 major food groups: Protein, Fats and Carbohydrates. You need a healthy balance of all three in your diet to maintain bodily functions and energy. If you focus on vegetables, fruits, high quality protein, whole grains and nuts in that order; you'll go a long way to improving your diet. Try to include most of these foods in your diet every day. Don't worry about keeping a journal or getting all nerdy about it. Just keep a mental note of what you've eaten and if one of the groups is missing, try to add it to your next meal. With fruits and vegetables, consume as many different colors as you can throughout the week. For an example: eggplant (purple), cauliflower (white), blueberries (well, blue of course) and so on. All these colors indicate that they contain different nutrients that you need for a complete diet. Using the color system to keep track of what you've eaten is an easy and effective way to ensure you get more of the really good stuff into your body. Where fruits are concerned, eating the whole fruit is always better than drinking only it's juice. The sugars in juice are at or above levels found in soft drinks and consuming them on a regular basis will increase your weight and blood sugar. One orange juice in the morning is fine, but be sure it has plenty of pulp, which will slow the absorption of it's sugar into your blood stream. When buying nuts, look for raw, unsalted. These will have fewer calories and salt, of course.

"Whole Wheat" is a confusing term, which doesn't necessarily mean "Whole Grain". Look at the ingredients on the package of any food containing grain; such as bread or pasta and look for the words "Whole Grain". That is where you will find out if it's the real deal or not, rather than on the front label. Some people are mildly or severely allergic to a component of wheat called gluten. If you have unexplained fatigue, skin eruptions or gastrointestinal upset, it's possible wheat is involved. Ask your doctor to run tests to determine if you have a wheat allergy or sensitivity. If you do, you'll need to avoid wheat products as much as possible, which is a lot easier than it used to be, with many "gluten free" options now available.

With proteins; like beef, chicken, fish, eggs etc., it's better to eat mainly lean meats such as turkey, egg whites, baked, skinless chicken and fish throughout the week. That doesn't mean you can't have a hot dog or even a nice juicy steak now and then, but eat those proteins in moderation or as a special treat, rather than as a staple of your diet.

Eat until you're satisfied rather than stuffed – This requires you to eat more slowly, because it takes a while (usually 20 minutes) for your brain to register that you've had enough to eat. This will take some practice, especially if you're used to ordering big portions at the restaurant and always leaving the plate empty. Also, it's way too easy to consume calorie dense food such as creamy pastas and desserts and not give any thought to how much you've taken in. Do what I like to call "eating responsibly". Learn to feel what it's like to be satisfied, rather than stuffed at the dinner table and then eat slowly enough to know you're full, before you over consume. Doing so, you'll find that you feel better and will have an easier time regulating your weight.

Vitamins and Supplements – They are expensive; yet I do believe they can be an important part of a healthy lifestyle. But don't go overboard. One good multivitamin and extra vitamin D (2000-5000 International Units or IU) is a good start. Later, if you want to add more, as you learn about the different properties of phytonutrients, antioxidants and minerals, etc., I encourage you to do so, but just don't break the bank in the process.

Water \- In a previous life, long before I became a writer, my career was based in water science. I got to work behind the scenes in the water industry. I also saw how rigorously water is tested at every stage of it's life cycle, in the domestic water system and how the resulting data is compiled, analyzed and sent on a timely basis, to State and Federal regulators in charge of water quality issues. I also learned that while water quality is not an exact science, the relatively recent introduction of our current treatment and chlorination methods have all but eliminated epidemics of dysentery and cholera that once threatened the health of millions living in densely populated towns and villages all over the world. Therefore, when one looks at the history of water, as a vector for disease, they must conclude that modern treatment methods are a success story.

After that glowing and accurate characterization of our potable water industry, you're probably expecting me to say that the water coming from your tap is always perfectly fine to drink. And if so, you'd be wrong and here is why. There are many factors that can impact water quality, that are frankly beyond the control of the dedicated resource managers at your local water department. After raw water from wells or reservoirs is carefully filtered and chlorinated at the treatment plant, it then enters the distribution system, an environment which potentially could include corroded iron water pipes, supporting a gelatinous biological film, organic compounds seeping into porous plastic pipes from above ground oil spills, cross-connections with agricultural or industrial water systems and stagnant dead ends which contain vulnerable water that has lost it's residual of disinfecting chlorine.

In an attempt to compensate for the inherent problems of a closed, hidden distribution system, additional chemicals have been approved for use in your tap water, to address issues of corrosion and low disinfectant residuals. These would be chemicals such as pH adjusters and chloramines, which can change the odor of drinking water and may have a negative impact on health. EPA even admits that chloramines can create what are known as disinfection by-products (DBPs), which are currently unregulated. The DBPs may increase a persons risk of developing certain cancers over their lifetime. But since they are unregulated, they are not widely studied and as EPA and your water agency are only responsible to deliver relatively safe water up to your meter, the potable water industry has not invested much time or resources in studying methods for reducing the effects of these chemicals after they enter your home. Therefore, it becomes incumbent upon the you to decide whether your tap water is safe enough to drink, and if not, whether you will buy "point of use" home treatment systems, or buy specially treated water from a store or retail treatment facility.

I have used and experimented with the most popular technologies for home treatment of my tap water: reverse osmosis and carbon filters and have concluded that the small home systems may create more problems than they solve. Therefore, I purchase water from a local purveyor that I trust, who uses a large scale reverse osmosis filter to remove all particles and chemical compounds, such as volatile organics, chloramines and their associated disinfection by-products from their finished product. Their equipment receives ongoing inspection and maintenance to ensure it continues to deliver only the highly filtered water is was designed to produce. What is called "finish water" in the industry. Twice a month, I go to fill my empty bottles and store them in a cool, dark place at home to reduce the chance of proliferating any bacteria that may still exist. I rotate the supply so that none remains in storage for an extended period. This, I feel is a compromise that I can live with, which best reduces my exposure to both disease carrying pathogens and the toxic chemicals used to control them.

How much water should you drink? This is a question that has been the subject of debate and the disagreements show no sign of letting up. So you have to decide for yourself how much or how little water intake is necessary to sustain your health. First let's establish that water is indeed extremely important to health. Your body's composition is between 55-60% water and since your body cannot produce it's own supply, it relies on what you take in to flush out waste products of digestion, keep your skin moist and healthy and perform many other critically important functions. And this is where one of the big controversies lie: whether the water contained in foods and juices can be counted toward your daily intake, or if only pure H2O is sufficient. Another area of disagreement is whether you can rely on the sensation of thirst to signal when your body is in need of replenishment or if it's necessary to drink a fixed amount each day, regardless of your activity level or amount lost through elimination. I am not smart enough to know the definitive answer, I can only tell you my philosophy and what has worked for me over the years.

First of all, I must be doing something right, because, even though I have relied primarily on thirst to indicate when I am in need of replenishment, I still maintain good health and show no sign of drying up. And I use a couple of methods to check if my water content is where it should be.

1. I look at the color of my urine. If it is dark, I know that my water intake needs to increase, since the concentration of salts and protein by products is too high.

2. I pinch the skin on the top of my hand and pull up. If the skin retracts immediately, with no lasting 'peak", my water intake is good. If however, the skin remains raised or retracts slowly, I need to drink more.

These methods have held me in good stead for many years, as I seem to gag when I just drink plain water in the absence of thirst. In the summertime, working in the garden or just dealing with the Southern California heat can drive me to the water dispenser in search of relief, maybe a dozen times a day. But when the weather cools down and my activity level diminishes, so does my water intake and that seems to work out just fine.

Digestion - Digestion is a multi-stage process, involving saliva, enzymes and acids as well as voluntary and involuntary muscle action in the mouth, esophagus and stomach. The various components of the food you ingest, such as carbohydrates, proteins and fats are are broken down differently in the body, either to be used as energy, sent to repair and build muscle or stored for later use. Suffice it to say, it is a complex process and mostly beyond the scope of this writing, the focus of which is to keep your body healthy and you happy. Why then have I included a section on digestion? Because, though digestion is mostly an automatic function, it's easily effected by your emotions. They have the power to completely disrupt one or more stages of this complex chain of reactions, leaving you feeling horrible. And if this condition is allowed to continue for some time, serious damage can be done to your digestive tract. Excess acid can break down the delicate lining of the stomach and allow bacteria to bore in, causing ulcers. The lower end of the esophagus can be damaged by repeated reflux of acids which may eventually lead to esophageal cancer if not treated. Many people deal with these common ailments by buying prescription or over the counter medications that lessen the severity of the symptoms but do nothing to eliminate the cause. And extended use of these medications can carry it's own host of problems later on. Since digestion is a mysterious process, which occurs largely outside of our control, what can we do when our gut starts misbehaving? As with so many of life's challenges, the key is in the mind.

The Mind / Body connection has been debated since the time of Aristotle, but the 20th century brought much greater understanding about the role our nervous system plays in many essential functions, including digestion. The Vagus nerve in particular, which is the 10th cranial nerve, is part of the parasympathetic nervous system, which serves to reduce stress, slow heart rate and elevate mood, through the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. Being aware of and activating the Vagus nerve can have tremendously positive effects on relaxation, the reduction of inflammation and slowing of the aging process. As the longest cranial nerve, the Vagus regulates every major organ in the body and therefore can also regulate digestion. How then is it possible to improve Vagus nerve tone?

Diaphragmatic breathing technique \- The diaphragm is a dome shaped muscle at the base of the lungs which helps you breath more efficiently. Using the diaphragm will stimulate the Vagus nerve and cause it to release acetylcholine, calming you and consequently helping to regulate your digestion. The Cleveland Clinic recommends this method for ensuring you engage the diaphragm in this intentional breathing practice:

• Lie on your back on a flat surface or in bed with your knees bent and your head supported. You can use a pillow under your knees to support your legs. Place one hand on your upper chest and the other just below your sternum (middle of rib cage). This will allow you to feel your diaphragm move as you breathe.

• Breathe in slowly through your nose so that your stomach moves out against your hand. The hand on your upper chest should remain still.

• Tighten your stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale through pursed lips. The hand on your upper chest must remain as still as possible.

Do this 5-10 minutes per session, 3-5 times per day. Once you have mastered the ability to use "belly breathing" (keeping the upper chest stationary during inhalation and exhaustion), you can try doing it in a chair. From that point on, you will have a relaxation technique that can be used anywhere.

Increase emotional resilience to improve digestion \- The Vagus nerve is a two-way street: sending impulses from the brain to the body, but also receiving input from your gut, heart rate, blood pressure and level of stress. In this way, it can be very sensitive to minor changes in mood, environment, anxiety level, etc. However, you can condition your Vagus nerve to become less reactionary, by engaging in moderately challenging activities. Seek social and technical challenges that nudge you just over your present comfort level, thereby, increasing your confidence and slowly extending your tolerance to stress. The key to optimal performance in any situation is to have a heightened state of arousal, but an inner sense of calm. Be engaged and focused but continue to breath from the belly and periodically bring your focus back to your body: where you are sitting or standing, the environment you're in and whether you are developing any tension. If so, return your focus to your breath, using the "belly breathing" technique illustrated above. This will keep your mind from pulling you into a vortex of thoughts and self-assessment or what Arthur Ashe called "paralysis by analysis". The key is not to leap beyond your comfort zone, but rather to tip toe outside of it from time to time, to exercise your nervous system, so that when challenges arise, you can remain calm and effective and your digestive system will not be constantly over-stimulated by everyday events.

Elimination - It is interesting how we assign regal status to some organ systems, such as the heart and brain and others, where as those responsible for elimination are treated like pariahs. We would prefer to pretend they don't exist and yet, when we deny the necessity to monitor their health, we do so at our peril. Additionally, when we think of elimination, we often only consider the colon and bladder, but the process actually starts much deeper in our gut with the liver and kidneys.

The liver plays many roles in our health and is the lead defense against bad actors like toxic medications, heavy metals, food additives and excess hormones. It also produces Kupffer's cells, which filter and destroy unwanted invaders like fungi, bacteria, viruses and cancer cells.

The kidneys, along with balancing acid and alkaline concentrations, salt to water ratios and sodium / potassium levels, they filter our blood of toxic waste and excess water, in a complex three step process. The remaining concentrated liquid makes it's way to the bladder.

The small intestine receives from the stomach what remains of the food we eat, after digestion and that is mixed with bile from the liver which is essential for breaking down the fats that are still present and retaining them. A healthy intestine will allow only those fats to be reabsorbed into our system, but if it is distressed, some of the toxins intended for elimination may get rerouted back into the body as well, which can of course cause a variety of problems. Finally, this mass now leaves the small intestine and enters the colon, from which the collected waste is eliminated.

We often think of the stomach as the end all and be all of our digestive system, but as you can see, it is not that simple. The stomach does however make it possible for the other organs downstream to do their work, by breaking down what we eat through digestive acids and helpful bacteria. The take home message here is that all our organs are important. Certainly, as you may be aware, if you've had any issues with your liver, kidneys, bladder or colon, you know that they can make you feel miserable. So you may wonder what you can do to prevent problems in this area and the answer is generally the same as with the rest of the body: maintain good overall health. One interesting feature of the digestion / elimination system however, is that it seems to be a second home for our emotions. That truth is revealed in the common phrase "a gut feeling". Our emotions do indeed effect our digestive system. I have experienced this first hand. During a period in my life when I was involved with the wrong people, my stomach was trying to warn me by totally shutting down of my digestion several times. Without revealing the unpleasant details, it's fair to I would have done almost anything the end the agony. When my poor choices finally hit home and I left that group, my gut returned to it's normal happy state. Coincidence? I don't think so.

As you may have noticed, a recurring theme as we pursue Sustainable Happiness is balance and moderation. Keeping your personal and social life functioning well will have a positive effect on your emotions. Balanced emotions will support digestive health and moderating what you eat and drink will put less strain on every organ system, helping them do their respective jobs and keeping you in the game. Love your body and all of your organs. Don't discriminate. When problems crop up down there, pay attention and take action to correct them. Maybe the process of elimination can even be seen as a good metaphor for life: "what we discard may be just as important as what we keep".

HEALTH / Body / Shelter, Safety, Security and Sleep

Shelter - It may seem to go without saying, that having a roof over your head is an essential component of happiness. But in this age of economic stress, family disintegration and drug addiction, all of which has contributed to an epidemic of mental illness, there are many who are without this basic human need. The problem of the homeless is a subject worthy of it's own treatise and therefore, we will not presume to solve it here. Yet, it is worthwhile to contemplate whether those with mental illness are more likely to become homeless or whether homelessness breeds mental illness. My assumption is that both are true. It is conceivable to imagine an average, functional person becoming caught up in a downward vortex of negative events such as: losing their job; then being unable to pay their rent or mortgage; divorce; eviction from their home; having to take up residence in a shelter; turning to drugs to lessen the emotional impact of their circumstances and finally, ending up on the street. Obviously, this is not a formula for happiness, so ensuring that your health, financial and emotional spheres are in order will lessen the likelihood that this tragedy will ever befall you.

But a home should be more than just a structure that shields you from the elements and provides a place to sleep. It should be a sanctuary apart from our noisy, mechanized streets and cities, where you feel safe, comfortable, able to gain rest and relaxation. While keeping it clean, organized and colorful may seem too much like work to some, the rewards are innumerable. Your home can be the stage upon which you create meaningful exchanges with family and friends, where living things such as plants, birds and butterflies connect you with the natural world and where you find the peace necessary for reflection and growth.

How to make your home a sanctuary - Let's assume for a minute that a friend has asked you to occupy their home, while they are away on a vacation. When you arrive, you observe a handmade fountain that greets you with the sound of babbling water. As you make your way into the foyer, there are one of a kind paintings of animals and flowers against the clean, white walls. The wood floors and designer rugs draw you into the living room, which is furnished with an overstuffed sofa and chair, tastefully accented with dried flower arrangements and side tables. This gives way to the garden which awaits just beyond, bursting with color from a variety of roses, hibiscus, lantana, passion flower and plumeria. Scents abound and invite you to rest a while. As you open up a lounge chair, you're aware of various songbirds just beyond, gathering to feed on the sunflower seeds that were left for them earlier in the day. As the songbirds scatter and silence returns for a moment, you again hear the sound of water, but this time emanating from a small grotto in the garden.

The dry afternoon heat has left you parched and you decide to grab some water. Suddenly, your eye catches a juicy strawberry beckoning your consumption. You gently pull the ripe fruit from it's stem and pop it in your mouth. The intensely sweet freshness explodes on your tongue. As you enter the kitchen, through the French doors an oscillating fan rotates in your direction, gently bathing you in fresh, cool air. Sitting on the granite countertop in the well organized kitchen, you discover a clay canister filled with filtered water. The cabinet nearby yields the perfect glass, to which you add ice, water as well as mint and lemon from the garden. The resulting refreshment makes you feel magnificent, as you retire to the shaded chaise to read a book.

Later, you observe that inside and outside the home, life abounds. Wide leafed plants hang from the ceiling and fresh herbs await within reach to season a Summer soup. You wonder what you might make for dinner later and open the refrigerator doors. You are greeted with a rainbow of brightly colored fruits and vegetables awaiting your creative touch. Feeling satisfied that every possible creature comfort is at your disposal, you begin listening to some soothing piano music and drift off to sleep in your own personal paradise.

This may sound like a mansion, nestled in an expensive development, but the description is what I hope visitors will experience as they enter my living space, for this is my home in a very modest neighborhood in Southern California. Over the years, I have developed hobbies and talents such as painting, fountain creation and gardening, which have added personal touches to my home, making it comfortable to live in and a source of pride that I enjoy sharing with family and friends. Adding these aesthetic elements was not expensive and was accomplished over time, by finding bargains at discount stores, nurseries and estate sales. In some cases, using the items as they were or combining elements to create something entirely new.

Don't think of your house or apartment as just a place to hang your hat, eat, sleep and bathe. Your home should reflect your passions, your travels, your personality. Don't worry about waiting for a matching set of chairs and tables, add what you like to create an eclectic and diverse space that begs exploration by your visitors. Move things around and experiment. Add a touch of color to pottery, make floral arrangements on your balcony, move a comfy chair to different parts of the house to see where it feels most at home.

Make where you live a sanctuary and whenever you are there, happiness will just naturally envelope you.

Safety and Security - These are relative concepts, because lIfe is full of risks from traffic, crime, accidents at home, or during travel and injuries we might sustain while exercising, just to name a few. So safety, as it relates to Happiness depends on how well prepared you are to limit these threats to your health and well being while at home and away. Do you live in a relatively safe neighborhood? Are you a safe and defensive driver? Do you stay aware of your surroundings if you find yourself walking alone? Do you do your best to avoid putting yourself and others at risk at work and at home?

Unfortunately, we rarely give safety and security enough thought until something happens. And once our illusion of invincibility is shattered, it may take months or even years to recover from the resulting fear and anxiety. Therefore, taking steps to keep you and your family safe and protected is a little like buying insurance: it may seem like an unnecessary effort and expense until the unexpected occurs, then suddenly, it becomes clear that it was a brilliant decision after all. By thinking about and taking action today to address those situations that might cause distress or bodily harm in the future, you're ensuring that you and your loved ones avoid most of life's preventable challenges.

Make sure your car is well maintained: tires in good shape and brakes performing well. Remove tripping hazards from in and around the home. If you climb on a ladder, be sure someone is standing by to assist if you slip or lose your balance. Drive safely and watch the behavior of drivers in front, beside and even behind you, to determine if their actions may cause an accident. If so, change lanes or pull over. Don't walk alone in the dark; don't wear expensive jewelry or carry lots of cash with you; lock your doors while at home and away to deter entry by criminals; consider an alarm system to avoid becoming the target of a robbery or assault; wear safety glasses when working with power tools, including lawn mowers and edgers; avoid crowds or traffic jams whenever possible; keep heaters and cooking devices far from flammable items; make sure fire alarms are in working order, etc, etc.

Now you see, there is quite a lot to consider and most of us don't give enough thought to our safety and security and as a result, we remain vulnerable. Make safety and security a priority today to ensure continued well being and happiness for you and your loved ones.

Sleep - Proper sleep (7-8 hours) is critical for most people's health. During sleep, the body repairs itself and performs many essential biological functions. Getting enough rest can even help you control your weight, oddly enough. And if you have missed some sleep throughout the week, its very helpful to take a nap now and then. Many say they don't have the time, but perhaps if you rework your schedule, you'll be able to find spaces in your week that allow for a 20-40 minute nap. You'll be surprised how refreshing it can be.

Science has been stumped for years about why humans and animals need sleep. Because when scientists look at biological functions, they often find a logical reason for their presence. But counterintuitively, sleep leaves people and animals vulnerable to attack and appears to waste valuable time which might otherwise be used to enhance or defend one's livelihood. So why has nature seen fit to make it such a fundamental component of our existence? Well a recent discovery may partially answer that question. Scientists observed, by studying rats, that during sleep, the tissues of the brain actually shrink, allowing cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) to enter the spaces between blood vessels. This process allows the CSF to clear out the waste products of cellular metabolism, such as beta amyloid proteins, (those thought to be partially responsible for the onset of Alzheimer's disease), thereby allowing the brain, in essence, to keep itself clean.

While this process has not been studied yet in humans, it raises several enticing possibilities. Perhaps that is why animals and humans cannot survive for extended periods without sleep. In rats, it has been observed that without sleep, they die within 11-32 days. Also, in the 1960s a high school student named Randy Gardner set out to break the world record for the longest time spent awake. During the experiment he contracted problems with eyesight as well as various cognitive deficiencies, such as speech and memory problems, (Ross, 1965). Towards the end of the experiment he also started to hallucinate. These symptoms emerged within just 11 days. This recent discovery may also suggest that part of the defense against the onset of Alzheimer's disease, may be the promotion of a deep sleep, to allow these toxic waste products to be flushed out of the brain, keeping it healthy and functioning properly.

So now that you know that sleep is not just a luxury, but actually essential for your brain's health, it is important to practice what has become known as "sleep hygiene, which basically means getting accustomed to certain rituals that help ensure your sleep is deep and of optimal duration. Here are some of the elements of sleep hygiene:

A. Block all ambient light from the bedroom during sleep. This means clock radios with bright displays, television components with power LEDs that stay on all day, light from nearby street lamps and porch lights, etc. It all should be blocked by whatever means necessary to create a very dark space in which to sleep. Then and only then can the brain produce hormones in the right amounts to support the all important "rapid eye movement sleep", known as REM. Without this, you may still feel tired in the morning, regardless of how long you were in bed.

B. Do not drink alcohol to excess, especially before bed. Alcohol will turn to sugar in your blood, causing a rise in your heart rate and energy levels, making deep sleep difficult to reach.

C. Don't have a stressful discussion in bed or before attempting to sleep. So many couples struggle with this problem, bringing up unpleasant topics and causing a rise in stress hormones, when they should be trying to relax. Also, the bedroom is not the place to hold these discussions, it's the place for sleep, sex and getting dressed. That's it! Maintain the bedroom as a sacred place, reserved for only these activities. Set aside time during the day to have these discussions. Issues appear much clearer in the light of day anyway and are often more easily resolved.

*Make a Note – It is never too late to improve your health. Your body is your vehicle and the home of your soul. It is the only one you will ever have. Take care of it and it will serve you well. Ignore it and-as with any vehicle-it will begin to give you problems.

HEALTH / Body / Managing Stress

You may have expected to find this subject related more to "Mind" than "Body", but the truth is that while the mind does generate emotional stress, the greatest downstream effect is on the body. Anger, frustration, disappointment, fear, sadness and many more emotions can be sources of stress. And if allowed to continue unabated for years, the long term consequences may be one or more chronic diseases, such as colitis, ulcers, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and even cancer. So as you can see, the Mind/Body connection is not only real, it is a fundamental concept, critical to our understanding of the miraculous and yet delicate nature of our health.

Managing Stress is not easy and requires commitment and perseverance, because stressful situations can either be chronic (ongoing) or acute (cropping up suddenly) and you need to have a plan in place to deal with both types. So how do you do that? As you may be beginning to see, good health requires a multi-pronged approach, as so many components are interrelated. Good nutrition gives you energy to do exercise, which helps you sleep better, which leads to better weight control, which in turn, reduces the strain on your heart and joints and so on. As such, blunting stress also requires a multi-pronged approach. Eating well, getting exercise and getting proper rest will definitely go a long way to helping you deal better with the stress you have. But as you will see there is more you can do.

Research vitamins and herbs that contribute to stress management, maintain your financial and personal affairs more effectively, keep your home and work space free of clutter, organize your files, your closet and your kitchen, take up a hobby that pleases you and do it often, spend quality time with friends and family, get out in nature regularly, do the diaphragmatic breathing exercises detailed earlier in the "Digestion" section. Smell the fresh air, listen to the sound of flowing water, allow your soul to reconnect to the rhythms of life that become obscured in our crowded and noisy cities. Do something every day to make a positive difference in your life, no matter how small and give yourself credit for doing so. Be your best friend and love yourself and this will go a long way to helping your Happiness Tree become balanced and colorful.

HEALTH / Body / Exercise, Sex

Exercise - Exercise need not be something you reserve only for the gym, if indeed you belong to one. Exercise is a daily habit that basically means: get your butt off the sofa or out of the office chair and do something physical. Clean the house; do yard work; wash the car; go for a walk or a hike; make love and so on. Get my drift? Broaden your definition of exercise and give yourself credit every time you do something physical, especially if you sweat or increase your heart rate in the process. Exercise is not just for losing weight, it is essential for many Mind/Body functions such as stress management, promotion of deep sleep, digestion, proper joint function and blood flow.

In centuries past, exercise was part of life. Providing for one's needs: food, shelter and income, came largely from using the body. For an example, life on a farm did and still does require waking before dawn, working all day out of doors and then collapsing in bed long after dark. The idea of wasting valuable time and energy running on a tread mill or lifting weights would seem ridiculous in that context. But today, for most of us, our modern day work lives are spent sitting: first in the car while commuting to work, then 8 more hours, in front of a computer, then back in the car to crawl home on the Interstate. Movement, which is the engine that drives our vitality, is diminished to lifting our hands to a keyboard or carrying a cup of coffee back to our desks. Our bodies were made to move and limiting that movement to such a degree causes our joints to become stiff; our blood to stagnate and our muscles to atrophy. Without movement and physical challenge, we age more rapidly and make ourselves vulnerable to many of todays chronic maladies: arthritis, high blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease being the most prevalent.

So how can you make movement a part of your otherwise sedentary lives?

Solutions that I don't recommend

Riding your bicycle to work - This may seem like a practical solution that combines economy with exercise, but dodging multi-ton, steel leviathans under the control of poorly skilled drivers who would rather stare at their cell phones than pay attention to the road, is a recipe for certain disaster. Veteran cyclists will tell you it's not a matter of if you'll be hit, but rather when and how badly. If you're commuting on the street, it's safer and healthier to do so in a car or on a bus. If you want to ride a bike (and I love to do so), ride on a designated bike path, away from vehicles. That way, it's great fun and great exercise and most importantly, it's safe.

Spending time and money at a "Health Club" - The concept of the health club originated from the ancient Greek institution "gymnasium", where men would socialize, bathe and build their athletic skills. The Greek word "gymnos" means "naked", referring to the fact that men would wrestle and compete in the buff, probably giving rise to other, less savory pursuits. But I'll leave that to your imagination. Modern day health clubs however, rather than offering a combination of social, intellectual and athletic activities, have become a place where exhausted workers, stressed out Moms and those who have neglected their health for far too long, overdo in one or more activities. They either mindlessly burn up precious energy on a tread mill or try to build their upper bodies to grotesque proportions while neglecting their overall health. They rarely talk to anyone, floating like bubbles from one boring machine to another, convinced that their health is benefiting. And while these activities do qualify as movement, they are not holistic, in that there are no associated social or practical benefits .

Running on city streets - While safer than bicycling, the exertion of running forces you to breath more deeply, which would be great if you weren't inhaling the remnants of burned fossil fuel. Furthermore, our city streets are unnatural environments, lacking the rejuvenating qualities of nature: fresh air, oxygen producing plants and scenery, which are so important to supporting optimal physical and emotional health. If you are lucky enough to have a green belt in your community or a series of trails outside the city that offer a quiet, safe and relatively pollution free environment to exercise in, then, I'm all for it. But I advise running or walking with a friend. Lone runners too often become victims of sick individuals that gain some morbid satisfaction from taking advantage of or even hurting others. If you're running or walking in nature, ditch the headphones: the sounds of nature are much more soothing and fulfilling. Additionally, it isn't good to essentially turn off one of your senses. Remain vigilant and aware of your surroundings, you never know what potential danger might be averted, with sufficient warning.

Better choices

Applied exertion, that actually improves your life - Tasks like cleaning the house, organizing the kitchen, working in the garden, visiting with a friend while running or walking on a backcountry trail, or engaging in some other type of active hobby, such as gardening, or nature photography. These activities emulate the "purpose-driven" work that humans were meant to do. And by following that example, we stay fit and keep our lives running like a well-oiled machine.

Team activities are great - Whether it be an outdoor "boot camp" or a group sport activity, such as baseball, volleyball or soccer: they combine using and challenging the body with a social component, strengthening your muscles and cardiovascular system as well as your connections to others.

Volunteering - As we will learn later in the book, "Contribution", (helping others) is an important part of your Happiness Tree. And when you can be active in two or more areas of your Happiness Tree at the same time, you gain exponential benefits. Where do your interests lie? There is probably a place to learn about and use that skill in some volunteering capacity. There will always be a tremendous need for talented, caring individuals to donate their time. And finding a volunteer activity that involves lifting, carrying, walking, bending or reaching gets you in the "exercise zone" and immerses you in a social milieu, where the mind as well as the body are receiving essential stimulation. All while helping other less fortunate individuals or your community. A total win/ win!

The Exercise Canopy

The point is, don't waste hours a week in mindless exertion which might be put to better use achieving a goal. We underestimate how therapeutic many utilitarian activities are for the body. For example, cleaning the house involves bending, climbing, stooping, lifting, reaching, walking and scrubbing. It can be incredibly strenuous and when it's over, you've actually accomplished something. Organizing a space involves many of the same movements and keeps your home or office life humming along nicely. Turn on some music which will put a spring in your step and help you resist the temptation to think of your activity as "work". Instead, learn to focus on the result rather than the effort needed to achieve it.

Recall the example that was made earlier about how in generations past, work and exercise were one activity? There is something elegantly simple and practical about that. And one beautiful solution to our busy and disjointed lives provided by the Happiness Tree concept is that of combining Mind and Body activities. A gorgeous, healthy tree is symmetrical, not leaning to one side from uneven weight or having random branches emerging from everywhere, it's balanced! That is how you want to incorporate exercise into your life: in a balanced way, rather than as an add on to an already busy life or as a painful obsession that you tell yourself is beneficial. Think of exercise as a holistic process that just happens to accompany other things you want or need to do anyway. And whatever those activities are, do them with intention, put all of yourself into it and do it well. The effort expended and the resulting satisfaction will go way beyond whatever benefit might have been obtained from hours spent bored to death on a treadmill.

Sex \- How important is a good sex life to you? The answer to that question varies, depending on many factors: age; gender; ethnic background; health; self image and level of emotional wellness. Is an active sex life an important part of your Happiness Tree? Research would suggest that health and happiness are both tied to an active sex life. Some of the benefits include the following:

Immune System Research from Wilkes University in Pennsylvania shows shows that an active sex life may improve the immune system, creating more and stronger antibodies to fight bacteria and viruses, hence, fewer sick days at work and a better quality of life.

Libido Having more sex seems to enhance sexual desire. Lower levels of the hormones testosterone and oxytocin may reduce sex drive, especially in women. But sex seems to stimulate the production of these and therefore perpetuates a desire for more frequent encounters. Suggesting that if desire isn't present right now and you have a safe and willing partner with whom to enjoy intimacy... dive in. Doing so will probably increase your future desire and open you up to all the other benefits that regular sexual encounters provide.

Improvement of bladder control in women About 30% of women will experience a loss of bladder control at some point in their lives. Orgasms involve the same muscles in the pelvic floor that are essential for controlling the flow of urine and therefore regular sex helps to keep these strong and working as they were intended.

Lowers blood pressure Sexual intercourse specifically seems to help regulate blood pressure. A 2006 study at the University of Paisley, in Scotland found that people who had intimacy on a regular basis maintained a lower blood pressure than those that abstained. While the reasons are still unclear, it is assumed that oxytocin again is playing a role, by reducing stress and regulating hormone levels. Yet, masturbation alone doesn't seem to carry the same benefits.

Sex counts towards exercise Sex burns up about 5 calories per minute or more. So get busy and make it last as long as possible!

Sex lowers heart attack risk Adequate estrogen and testosterone levels are essential for good health in men and women. These hormone levels may diminish as we get older, but regular sex seems to keep keep them ebbing higher. Proper levels of these hormones have been linked to reduced heart attack and osteoporosis risk. Men who had sex on a regular basis were able to cut their heart attack risk in half.

Having more sex increases the Happiness Quotient Tim Wadsworth, PhD, an Associate Professor of Sociology at the University of Colorado, Boulder, examined the data collected from 15,386 people on their sexual frequency and happiness levels and found that those having sex once or more per week reported happiness levels 44% higher than their peers who got lucky less often. Additionally, a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that engaging in regular sex generated a level of happiness equivalent to earning $100,000 per year. Maybe money can't buy love, but love can make you feel like you have more money!

Regular sex helps to control pain Research shows that those with frequent headaches, arthritis pain, leg cramps and back aches were helped tremendously by regular orgasms. Sex releases endorphins which are natural pain relievers and unlike Aspirin, sex with a safe partner has no negative side effects.

For men, ejaculation helps reduce prostate risk A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that men who had regular orgasms, either through intercourse or masturbation, were far less likely to go on to develop prostate cancer.

Sex improves sleep How many women have complained that men just roll over and fall asleep after sex? Well, there may be a good reason for this. Sex releases the hormone prolactin, which is responsible for feelings of relaxation and the desire to sleep. Of course the same is true for women, but the sexual arousal curve is different for women than for men. Women take longer to become aroused then men, but then where men's arousal pretty much falls to zero after orgasm, women continue to feel all warm and fuzzy for a while.

Sex reduces stress Sex may be better at reducing levels of depression and anxiety than medication. Additionally, self esteem and overall happiness are improved. More sex may be the best prescription for almost anything that ails you.

An impressive list for sure, but to be realistic, most people don't need to be convinced regarding the benefits of good sex. And let's be honest, there is sex and then there is SEX! So what makes sex really good? The answer is of course different for men and women and beyond that, most individuals have their own preferences and fantasies, some kinkier than others. Good sex, (or lovemaking, if you prefer to call it that), is really an art, which can be variously defined as: "an an expression or application of human creativity, skill, passion and imagination". What art requires from the artist, correlates to what good sex requires from each partner: complete immersion in and enjoyment of the creative process. And the resulting reward is a sense of being deeply connected with something, (or in this case, someone), outside yourself.

Since the beginning of consciousness or self awareness, humans have sought a connection with something larger than themselves. The problem is the human brain, that incredibly complex 3 pound marvel in our heads, tends to make our world smaller, focusing our attention on immediate needs, fears, desires, disappointments, hunger, exhaustion, hopes and so on. Through art, ritual and religion however, mankind has been able, over millennia, to expand his awareness, behind the veil of illusion to witness the perfect engine or reality. In essence, a state of being closer to God. That same blend of reverence, perfection and transcendence is what makes great sex such a uniquely human and tremendously popular activity. When both partners can immerse themselves in the synergy created by their attraction, arousal and expectation, thereby shutting out the rest of existence, they can create and become lost in their own beautiful universe. In a long term relationship, this can be enhanced even more, through each partner applying their evolving intuition, passion and skill, increasing the level of sexual abandon and pleasure for themselves and each other.

How to make good sex Great!

It would seem that Nature created Men and Women with innate conflicts in their sexual make up, not to mention several other areas, if you know what I mean. Men are horny most of the time, women, not so much. Men would prefer to have sex every day if possible, while many women can go for weeks or even months without sex and not really be affected much by its absence. Most men become aroused and ready for intercourse very quickly, where as women need more time. And since women's minds are not dominated by sexual thoughts throughout the day, their bodies may actually be primed for a sexual encounter, without their awareness.

We can only speculate on the reasons for these differing characteristics, but probably the front runner among many theories would be that women need to be the ones assessing the likelihood of their sexual partners to be good fathers. In other words, a man's willingness to stick around after sex, to be kind, hard working and supportive in the event that she becomes a mother and subsequently needs help during and after her pregnancy. And these "biological factors" are part of what takes place in the subconscious minds of women, regardless if they are able or willing to have children: It is hard wired. And I would submit that this primal prerequisite is present each time a woman lays down with her lover, even if she has been with him for years.

So what does this mean for couples on a daily basis? Well the implications are huge. First, men need to remember that whatever happened between them that day, or even that week, may still be affecting her desire to be sexual. If there was an argument that didn't end well, if there are financial problems that are weighing down the relationship, if she feels fat or unattractive due to lack of exercise or poor diet, etc. this will influence how ready she is to let the idea of lovemaking enter her mind. But of course many of these things are beyond a man's influence. He can't be avoiding every argument, it would be counter-productive to start blaming himself for financial problems that may be beyond his control, he can't affect how his partner may feel in her body, but how he responds to these things can make a huge difference in how secure his lady feels with him.

Make a Note – Romance doesn't just begin in the bedroom, it is an affair that lasts all day and indeed throughout the entire relationship. Every gesture, every glance, every tone of voice, every decision can either make or break the spell of romance that surrounds you.

Yes, there is a bit more pressure on men to get things right throughout the day, that is if they hope to get lucky that night. However, I am not saying that women hold no responsibility for keeping the relationship fresh, functional and happy, because they do. That is and should be a shared commitment between couples. But where as women ultimately decide whether a sexual encounter will take place, once it begins, men need to understand that they assume the reins and a responsibility to create a safe, yet exciting rendezvous that allows his partner to recede into a state of altered consciousness, to leave the world of demands and details behind and completely enjoy a lustful moment. For that to be a resounding success, she needs to allow thoughts and feelings about sex enter her mind, earlier in the day. To warm up to the idea and get her juices flowing, literally and figuratively.

So if you, as a man begin to see romance as a daily ritual that you practice in a variety of situations then you will be effectively stroking your lovers subconscious and telling her in a deep, non-verbal way that you would make a great sexual partner and that she can feel secure to let her guard down and become vulnerable with you. And this, believe it or not, is a real turn on for women. They need to see a strength of character, decisiveness, kindness, patience, generosity, intelligence, support and willingness to compromise as you relate to one another. That gate must be opened in her mind before the channels affecting her arousal begin to flow. That is why it is important to have your lovemaking skills well in hand, to keep things fresh, fun and spontaneous.

The foregoing paragraphs may leave men with the impression that all of this is just too much work. But men, keep this in mind, if you're currently just seeking immediate gratification, then indeed all of this may be over the top for you. But if you are in a relationship with a woman, you have essentially two choices:

1. To act as you always have and watch your sex life go down the tubes, or

2. To see the relationship as an opportunity to learn about yourself and become a better partner, lover and person. Not just for your lady, but also for yourself.

Your relationship is a microcosm of the world at large. Whether man or woman, if you cannot meet the daily challenges presented by one other person, then how will you effectively cope with society? There is no better vehicle to drive our personal evolution than our primary relationship. It will test you, it will make you crazy, it will leave you feeling inadequate to the task, but it can also be the source of the greatest joy, satisfaction and growth. So when you embrace your partner with love, even if you're feeling stressed, when you see that they are weary and offer your help, when you forgive and move on from little hurts, when you allow them to be themselves and support their decisions, when you help create an environment that feels safe and functional you are each participating in a poignant drama that is as old as time itself.

*Make a Note - A healthy, functional relationship is much more likely to also be a loving and sexual relationship. Help to create the first and the other will follow.

How to Continue Those Good Feelings in the Bedroom A conversation most couples probably have not had, regardless of how long they have been together, is how well satisfied each of them is with their sex life. Have you had that conversation with your partner? For men, the issue is usually one of frequency, how often they have sex. But for women, the issue is more one of quality rather than quantity. Let's explore what attitudes contribute to great sexual encounters, for both men and women.

A. Playfulness. Yes, the ability to drop your agenda, leave your fears and insecurities behind and just dive into the moment. Have fun! A sense of humor is always rated as one of the most attractive qualities by women.

B. A Desire to Please. Demonstrate that you enjoy seeing your partner feel good and that you're willing to hang out, playing together, taking whatever time is necessary to bring each of you to the highest level of arousal. Be patient.

C. A willingness to learn. Maintain the mindset that your partner is an individual and what worked with other lovers may not work with them. Consider trying different timing or activities on different days. Experiment.

D. Being confident and decisive. She may make the ultimate decision about whether you will make love or not on a given day, but once in the bedroom, it's the man's turn to lead the cavalry. This is where his knowledge is essential. Men, know what types of stimulation work for her, or if you are new lovers, commit to learning what pleases her. Allow time for her to start showing you she's getting into it, before you jump to something else. It's good to try different things of course, even combinations, but don't just paw her without direction or purpose. Know what your goals are with each maneuver and then kick back and watch her open up like a flower. It's so beautiful!

E. Don't go right for the pot of gold. Spend time kissing, caressing, licking, embracing, rubbing, lightly tickling, enjoying. Be passionate about making love, as you would be about sipping a fine wine or tasting a delicate dessert. Make it obvious that the sight, smell and taste of your partner pleases you and that you're willing to savor each moment along the path rather than rushing for the final destination.

F. Make your parter feel that their pleasure is more important than yours.

Women \- Many men have learned through movies and exaggerated stories told by their friends that rough, fast sex is how men are supposed to engage in lovemaking. He may need help to be introduced to another, more subtle and longer lasting encounter. Sometimes you just need to turn the tables and assume control. Motion that you want him to lay down and just relax, while you tease and play with him. Trust me, he will love it! And he will hopefully learn by example, that foreplay cannot only enhance the crescendo, but is also a realm unto itself, worthy of exploration.

Men \- She knows that you can probably come at the drop of a hat, so she might become worried that she's taking too long to peak. Reassure her, verbally if you wish, that you want her to come first. 'Oooh, I love how wet you are baby. I want you to show me what you like, what will make you come really hard. I want that so much!'. Encourage her to guide your hands and show you what rhythm and pressure really gets her there.

Then, place her hand on you, so she can see the effect she is having on you. She may begin stroking you while you are pleasuring her, which is great, but don't insist, don't avert your focus from her until she's had her fill. You want her to enter a parallel reality that you create for her, a pleasure palace where the two of you get lost in the romance and the passion of sharing yourselves. And all of this happens long before you penetrate her. This is foreplay and most women love extended foreplay and complain that their partners don't devote enough time to it. Be different. Be selfless, compassionate, be all about her and you will find yourself in the driver's seat on your shared love-making journey.

Then, when you finally plunge her depths, hopefully after she has already come at least once, try to wait for her to come one last time and synchronize your orgasm with hers. This takes repetition and practice, but once you master it, from that point on, she'll be left feeling that she just shared the most amazing and complete sexual experience with you, whether it's your first together or your one-hundred and first.

The Body Canopy

As you can see, the body is a complex living machine, perhaps the most complex in the universe. So much so, that when we set about the business of replacing parts, such as joints or organs, they rarely work as well as the original equipment. Artificial joints, not being living tissue, in the conventional sense, are not nearly as flexible as human joints and since they do not repair themselves, when they're damaged or worn out, they have to be replaced. That is not to say that human joints do not also wear and eventually have to be repaired or even replaced, but they can usually tolerate more than half a century excessive use, whereas currently, mechanical ones last about 15 years, regardless of what you do. Organs, present different problems. Even though an extensive matching process is undertaken to determine the compatibility of potential donors to recipients, the patient receiving a donated organ will need to take anti-rejection medications the rest of their lives, because the body recognizes this new tissue as a foreign invader and the immune system will try to destroy it. These medications reduce the effectiveness of the overall immune response and cause the patient to experience greater vulnerability to opportunistic infections, from bacteria and viruses as well as causing other unpleasant side-effects. Therefore, it is far better to care for your the body you have, limiting medical interventions as much as possible. For regardless of how many advancements modern science makes toward repairing a body that has suffered from neglect or the onset of disease, prevention is always going to have the edge in terms of producing an extended quality of life.

And whereas trying to recover your health, after you've lost it can be difficult, even risky, maintaining the health you have is quite simple: eat the best quality food you can afford and balance all the food groups, (protein, carbohydrates and fats, meats, veggies and fruits, etc.); maintain portion control; maintain proper hydration through the ingestion of purified water (not too much or too little); get plenty of rest, at least 7-8 hours per night, with periodic naps if needed; manage stress through a multi-disciplinary approach, as described above; get sufficient exercise (keep moving, but don't become neurotic about it) and last but certainly not least, recognize that sex is an important part of your physical and mental well being. If you're in a committed relationship, great, talk about how to keep intimacy alive or bring it back if it has waned. If you're a lone wolf, that can be a little more tricky. Seek opportunities to meet like-minded individuals with whom you share a mutual attraction. Get to know them through conversation and shared activities. When you feel confident they have practiced good sexual hygiene or have been celibate for a while, open a dialogue about the importance of sexuality and see where it goes. There are many lonely people out there desiring a deep connection with another human being. Be courageous. Attend social events, get involved in your community.... no one will come to your door to ask if you're available, you have to get out there and discover what opportunities exist.

Your body and mind were meant to be used and to work together as a seamless organic whole. Rejoice in the miracle of living and care for your incredible machine to the best of your ability. How well your body functions and how many years you have to look forward to is more under your control today than at any point in history. Managing your health is managing of your future. It's never too late to make healthy, holistic living a priority.

FREEDOM

The need for and the right to freedom are universal. It is an inalienable right granted upon creation to all living things. All forms of life were meant to inhabit a niche in the fabric of existence, however small. The inability to realize that destiny leaves a potential unfulfilled. One can see this in the actions of solitary animals at the zoo. They are being fed, sheltered, cared for and even loved, but they lack that one essential and intangible quality: freedom. Freedom to live the way Nature intended. Without freedom an animal is only a shell, a physical representation of an existence that is incomplete. The humiliated creature has been cleaved from, or maybe never inhabited the only domain it understands and so it paces, back and forth, counting off the seconds until it's suffering ends. Social animals like monkeys fair better. Their need and ability to connect deeply with other individuals allows them to largely recreate their natural circumstances. As long as sufficient food, space and opportunities for exercise and interaction with other individuals are present, they appear to be quite happy. But if such an animal is removed from the social network that supports it, essentially compromising it's freedom, depression sets in, bodily functions shut down and death soon results.

It is said, when you see a lion, for example, in a cage, you are only really seeing a projection of it, a precious life, devoid of a purpose. To truly understand a lion, one must encounter it in the context of it's natural environment, engaged in hunting, procreation and defense.

In this way, humans are not much different from the other animals that inhabit our planet. For us, freedom, along with Health, Love and Purpose are the most valuable aspects of our lives. And when one or more is taken away, the likelihood of our finding Sustainable Happiness is severely curtailed. However, what is also different where humans are concerned, is that oddly, we may actually be capable of denying our own freedom. This seems illogical, in light of the fact that the science of biology tells us that the drive to survive and thrive is innate, hard-wired if you will into all living things. What then might be the biological imperative for essentially becoming imprisoned, by our own actions? Examples might include: a man or woman who remains in an abusive relationship, choosing to stay in spite of the fact that their physical and emotional well being is threatened; or a person who ingests drugs, alcohol or tobacco to excess, knowingly destroying their health, in pursuit of momentary pleasures or as a distraction from inner demons. This type of self destructive behavior does not appear anywhere else in the animal kingdom, to my knowledge.

It would appear that our highly evolved brain and intellectual capacity is a double-edged sword. With it, we may possess the power to rule over others or destroy ourselves. So from that perspective the term "Freedom" becomes something that we seek from within as well as from with out. Freedom of movement, thought, choice and association, but also freedom from self abuse and insidious, negative patterns that creep into our daily lives and take over. As is said with regard to our national security, "freedom is not free": the same applies to our personal lives. The price to be free of self destruction, abusive relationships and circumstances is awareness, knowledge and action. Awareness of our strengths and weaknesses, awareness of the potentially dysfunctional relationships we might inadvertently create with ourselves and others, knowledge of how to avoid, fix or leave unhealthy circumstances or patterns and action to ensure we return ourselves to a firm footing, surrounded by a supportive, healthy community. Below, we'll discuss what you need to be aware of, what you need to know and what actions will once again secure your personal freedom.

FREEDOM / Truth

What is truth? Is there only one or can multiple realities be operating simultaneously? In Nature, the only truth is survival. Anything that negatively impacts the ability of the individual and or it's offspring (alive or yet to be conceived), to survive is "wrong". In our human lives, the truth is much more nuanced. We have many more realms of existence to navigate and doing so without knowing the truth about ourselves, the individuals we encounter or the world at large can get us into trouble. Or at the very least, limit our ability to succeed. And honestly, we cannot know the truth about everything at once and some things we may never completely understand. But our right and our need to seek the truth where ever and when ever it can be found is essential to finding peace and happiness in our lives.

A phrase which has applied perfectly to many junctures in my life is: "The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off". Yes, the truth may be unpleasant, even painful, but basing decisions, even your very life on a lie is ultimately devastating, when it's finally revealed. So how can you live in the truth, when so many, including yourself, may conspire to deceive you? That is what we will seek to reveal in the following sections.

FREEDOM / Truth / Self Awareness through Solitude

It may seem counter-intuitive, but of all the relationships in our lives, often, the one we understand the least is the one with ourselves. And because this is always our most important, primary connection, the degree to which our internal lives remain a mystery to us, will determine the quality of our emotional health and how well our entire lives function. All too frequently, it is the poor quality of this primary relationship that compels us to distract ourselves with pointless social activities and electronic gadgets, further driving a wedge between our inner and outer lives.

You see, unlike our friends, family and lovers, our inner self doesn't communicate to us through the spoken word, but rather through images, thoughts and feelings. As those "mind messages" continue to be ignored, their unsettling nature and intensity grows, perhaps in an effort to receive our attention. But it is precisely that discomfort we run from and as a result, the problem grows exponentially. This reluctance to tap into our inner life, wisdom and truth cleaves us from our identity, our convictions, our passions and creative expression. Those who allow this dysfunctional relationship to fester for years or even decades may age, but never truly mature. For maturation is a process of changing what needs to be changed, accepting that which is out of our control and bringing together the thoroughly digested lessons of our experiences and the disparate parts of ourselves into a unified whole. And this cannot happen without a deep connection to our inner life. So how is this accomplished? Through Solitude.

To co-opt a term from the digital world, solitude allows us to "download" the raw images, feelings and thoughts from our complex external lives and process them into usable data: perpetually creating and updating the matrix through which these data will eventually coalesce into knowledge and wisdom. For most of us, from the moment we awaken, until we return to sleep, our lives are filled with activity. The health of our social spheres and indeed our very survival depend on us being present and intentionally aware during these activities. But that intense focus and busyness must be punctuated by intervals of silence and solitude, otherwise, our mind never gets a chance to catch up with our evolving sensations and experiences. We miss out on the rich consciousness-building kernels of understanding that are the building blocks of personal growth. Such unexamined events are like eating, for the shear pleasure of taste, but then having the food pass through us undigested, gaining nothing from the nutrients locked within. While your digestive system can function well enough on the run, your mind and brain cannot. They need rest and time to refresh their circuits. And this can only be accomplished during periods of solitude.

What is Solitude? It would seem self evident that solitude is just another way of expressing the condition of being alone, but that is an incomplete definition. Solitude is a quality of intentional separation from others. It is a time when we can drop pretenses, when we can take off our masks and truly be ourselves. As the brilliant philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer posited: "A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; ... if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free".

History's spiritual leaders passionately sought out just such a freedom to come in greater connection with their own inner voice and purpose:

• Mohammed had the habit of meditating alone for several weeks every year and received his first revelation in 610, on the mountain Hira outside Mecca;

• After his baptism Jesus is said to have spent 40 days and nights alone in the desert;

• The Buddha spent extended periods alone in the forests. He is recorded as having said 'I wish to go into solitude for half a month. No one is to come to see me except the one who brings my food'.

Evildoers and those who are mentally unstable may seek to be alone for unhealthy reasons. Additionally, seeking to separate one's self from society can be a way to shirk responsibility. But solitude, when it is mindfully achieved, can cause a necessary evaluation of character. The resulting silence can refresh the mind, increase self reliance and put one more in touch with the truth. Which leads us to the next section.

TRUTH / Freedom from Deception

Freedom is more than just the absence of physical bondage, it is also freedom of thought and the freedom to seek the truth and base one's life on facts, rather than lies and deception. Deception should be considered an eighth "Deadly Sin", for it's profound and cruel power to negatively alter the lives of those victimized by it. Individuals rarely deceive to protect others, they do so to protect or enable themselves at the expense of others. It is a purely selfish act that unfortunately is a fatal flaw present in the human psyche. Like many such unpleasant realities of humanity, the origins of deception probably arose from a strategy for survival: a need to trick one's adversaries, to gain an advantage regarding property, resources or status. Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527 AD), in his famous treatise on human nature "The Prince", opined that "the man who wants to act virtuous in every way necessarily comes to grief among so many that are not virtuous." Instead, he determined that, it is necessary to deceive the public in order to maintain control over their minds and actions. To be fair, Machiavelli arrived at his views during a period in Italian history when social unrest, corruption and disorganization threatened to tear apart his nation. He saw that a successful leader would need to be secular and able to control others without the constraints of a moral compass. For since most individuals in society acted in their own self interest, without regard for the health of the state, a successful Prince would need to preempt their ignorance by any means necessary. He viewed deception as an important weapon in the Prince's arsenal which he should use liberally and at will, to achieve a desired outcome. One that would ostensibly serve "the greater good".

Most of us have come to understand that we cannot trust politicians or governments, as the seduction of political power to eventually corrupt our elected officials seems inevitable. But within the context of our own associates, family, friends and lovers, we have an expectation and indeed a right to be told the truth and dealt with fairly. This reciprocal trust is a necessary foundation for the building and maintenance of these relationships and when that trust is breached or used against us, it is particularly hurtful and destructive. Sadly, I have found few people are worthy of such faith and all too often one needs to be constantly vigilant to the possibility that their own best interests are not being served by those closest to them. But be forewarned, it is easy for such vigilance to morph into paranoia, fear and jealousy. Having to constantly monitor and intuit others' activities and thoughts is exhausting, unhealthy and is in and of itself an enemy of mutual trust. That is why it is essential to carefully select one's 'inner circle'.

My father, (rest his soul), reminded me from time to time that "it is better to be alone than to be badly accompanied". This truism has shaped my life as I have had to learn the hard way that attractiveness and charisma often place a veil of deception between ourselves and those we seek as companions. From the time we are children, our own senses sight, sound and scent hold the greatest power to deceive us.

We are instinctively drawn to facial symmetry, clear skin, bright eyes a sexy build, a melodious voice, and a pleasant fragrance. We rely on the presence of these attractive features to inform us about the trustworthiness and integrity of another person, but honestly, these factors actually tell us very little about a person's character. Rather, these are Nature's subtle tricks, the outward signs of a pervasive 'animal magnetism' that drives procreation.

So effective are these forces on our psyche, that they override our logic and reason, compelling us to share our hearts, minds and bodies with people who may be completely wrong for us. Very early on, individuals endowed with these random qualities of attraction learn they are special. They learn how disarming they can be and may choose to use this power to gain an advantage over others. Because they observe that a mere glance, a touch or a soothing word can get others to satisfy their needs, they are not as likely to develop deep, interpersonal and reciprocal skills, the seasoned character traits that long, healthy relationships are built upon.

As our senses are unreliable in determining whether those whose paths we cross are good candidates to become friends, associates, mentors or lovers, how then can we learn the truth about an individual's character? Observation.

Watch how they react to various situations. Are their responses well measured to the circumstances? Are they cool under pressure; restrained in their volatility? Or quick to anger; to provoke agitation? When you're having a bad day, are they understanding and compassionate or prone to redirect the attention to themselves? Are they generous with their time and resources or all too quick to offer an excuse as to why they cannot fulfill their obligations? This and many other character elements are available for scrutiny, if you will only take off your blinders and be discerning. At some point, if one's conduct is satisfactory, you'll have to extend trust and allow them more access to your life. But this is still not time to give away the farm.

Russians are very fond of proverbs to describe the human condition and one that the American public became aware of through Pres. Ronald Reagan was "trust, but verify" This highlights the fact that we can't ever completely know another person, nor can we predict what they might do at some future point. People are able to hide their true nature for long periods. But eventually some latent character flaw may suddenly emerges under pressure.

The point of this vigilance is not to judge and condemn others, (because we are all flawed in one way or another), but rather to decide if that particular idiosyncrasy is something you can live with.

So we must extend trust to those close to us, (to give them the benefit of the doubt, as it were), for the integrity of the relationship, but still be vigilant. This is a very narrow tightrope to walk, but one of the essential components of self-preservation. If Freedom is not Free, than neither is the Truth. The price of knowing the truth is to always be willing to have your perceptions of reality overturned. The truth is not constant, indeed it can lurch suddenly in unpredictable directions or slowly morph, undetected until we perceive that something is amiss. These shifts may result in our having to reevaluate and remake our lives according to new and disquieting revelations. But whether the truth of your life brings you joy or sadness, your overall life satisfaction relies on you keeping the roots of your Happiness Tree, firmly planted in reality. For basing your life on lies and deception leads only to despair. The Truth is always your friend. Keep your compass linked to it at all times and the likelihood of your navigating life's challenges successfully will be greatly enhanced.

The Truth Canopy

To sum up the connection between the Truth and Happiness: whether we are being deceived by others or lying to ourselves, the result is that a thin veil or perhaps even a wall has been wedged between us and reality. This barrier is illusory and fleeting and eventually, the separation will come crashing down and the truth will smack us in the face, whether we want it to or not. And somehow, postponing this moment of reckoning seems to increase the shock when it does occur. Perhaps the pain of discovering something unpleasant about our lives is magnified when we realize that we've been complicit in deluding ourselves. But there is no crime in this and we do ourselves a disservice when we engage in self reproach. What we have just experienced is 'denial', a coping mechanism built into our brains to protect us from emotionally painful realities. This "emotional blindness" can exist for days, months or even years, partially blocking our view of things as they really are. I say partially, because there is always a part of us that is aware of the truth and this awareness eventually rises to the surface, usually manifesting as physical symptoms, as eluded to in the earlier section on the Mind / Body connection.

As the conscious mind struggles to deny reality the body, through the subconscious, is forced to get our attention by any means available: perhaps disease, exhaustion, indigestion, depression, weight loss or weight gain, anxiety, anger, obsession or many other, seemingly unrelated conditions. Our lives spin out of balance until we are forced to slow down or stop long enough to finally hear the quiet inner voice, telling us to Wake Up!

If you have health conditions for which there is no obvious cause, consider that there may be a problem in your life that's hiding in plain sight. Maybe it's time to take a break and convene a meeting of your mind, heart and body. This meeting is most effectively held in private, in a quiet, safe, supportive environment where the Power of Solitude will assist you in unraveling the twisted knot of deceptions and misleading actions that have kept you in the dark. Then, you will need to have the courage to develop a plan to set things right, once and for all.

FREEDOM / Resources & Discipline / Reaching Goals

Unlike animals, humans seek improvement in their lives. We are not content to just eat, sleep and procreate, we wish for things like a bigger home, greater comfort, more conveniences, travel, a bright future for our children and a secure retirement for ourselves. Developing a mindset that looks critically at every potential source of income and how to maximize it, while seeking innovative ways to minimize expenditures can squeeze more useful energy from the resources you have, while being on the lookout for new ones.

It is said "Money doesn't buy happiness", but that is an oversimplification. Having a lot of money won't necessarily make you happier, but not having enough can make you miserable. Measurement of happiness is a notoriously difficult task and when sociologists and statisticians attempt to connect it to a particular income, they discover that no predictable pattern emerges. In fact, even defining happiness becomes dicey, as nerdy types like me that study this stuff see human emotions existing on a spectrum, with each shade connoting varying degrees of benefit. Terms like "Subjective Well Being" and "Life Satisfaction" measure many aspects of the human experience. Areas such as health and relationships as well as economic viability, when added together, supposedly create a numerical factor that helps sociologists and psychology types wrap their minds around what conditions contribute most to a positive life experience. But as with many scientific endeavors, focusing on minutia tends to blind researchers to the bigger picture and frankly, statistics have no empirical relation to each individuals personal situation.

Building and Maximizing Income

For an example, did you know that if you live in the United States you are probably among the 1% richest people in the world? It's true. Currently, if you earn over $47,500 annually, you are richer than the other 99% of humanity. Does that fact make you any happier? Of course not, because it's not really about how much you make, but rather what you can buy with that money. In the U.S. the standard of living is relatively high, but so is the cost of living. To underscore that fact, currently, those earning less than $11,670 per year are considered below the U.S. poverty level, meaning that less than $100 per day separates the upper 1% of the world from the most impoverished in the U.S. And if you have a family, the margins are even thinner. For four people living in a household, the poverty level is $23,850.

Within the U.S there are wide variations in the "affordability index", meaning that where you live can be critical in determining how well you live.

Let's compare four couples:

#1 Living in San Francisco and making $50,000 per year.

#2 Living in San Francisco and making $100,000 per year

#3 Living in Knoxville, TN and making $50,000 per year

#4 Living in Knoxville, TN and making $100,000 per year

The median household income in Knoxville, Tennessee was $33,595 in 2013, so those couples making $50,000 were way above average and those in the $100,000 range, positively giddy. Additionally, the cost of an average home in Knoxville is $117,000, so well within reach of both couples. Needless to say then, our two couples living in Knoxville would perceive their buying power to be very good.

Alternatively, if those same couples decided to move to San Francisco, they would suffer a tremendous hit to their sense of economic well being. The average household income in San Francisco is $75,000. So a couple earning only $50,000 would be having a hard time making ends meet, because the cost of goods and services in any demographic area adjusts to the ability of those in that area to pay for such things. Add to that, if they aspired to buy a home, even the couple earning $100,000 would probably be shut out of the market, because the median price of a home would still be over 7 times their annual income and the cost of a mortgage, over 3 times as high as in Knoxville. Now I picked two extreme examples: one of the most affordable places in the U.S. and one of the most expensive. But the point is, when it comes to how far you can stretch a dollar, geography is critical.

For an example, I live in Southern California, about 10 miles from a major city. The average cost of a home in this semi-rural area is $100,000 less than it is in the city. And here, the homes also tend to be much larger, on oversized lots. Additionally, I can find bargains on food, gas and clothing in this area, that are not available in the nearby urban environment, where the incomes are higher. Even when you get a few miles away from the city, the air is cleaner, it's more quiet, there is less crime and I even have land to grow my own vegetables. Try that in a half a million dollar condo with a 3 foot balcony. If I want to head to the coast for a for a walk on the beach, it's a 15 minute drive. By living here, I estimate that my standard of living is at least 50% higher than it would be if I lived in the city.

So if you earn less than $50,000 per year, don't despair, you may still be among the richest 1% in the world and where you choose to live and how you spend that money will determine whether you actually feel wealthy or poor. Read on to learn more.

The State of the Global Economy - Increasingly, the human community is linked economically, since large, developed nations depend more and more on global trade. If an important trading partner is experiencing a downturn in their economy, the exporting country sees reduced sales, which translates to fewer jobs, fewer raw materials purchased and the ripple effect is felt worldwide. If a particular population produces fewer educated workers or if the cost of their wages is too high, the jobs they might have had will be shipped to poorer countries, where the cost of living is lower but where a burgeoning youth is eager for education and a brighter future. And whereas the U.S. used to be able to rely on the broad shoulders of it's hard working middle class to produce steel, timber, coal and durable goods and thereby drive it's economy, these tasks have steadily moved to Asia, where an exploding population offers high productivity at lower cost and the "Western countries", must now compete for marketshare in a new economy, characterized by the exporting of manufacturing jobs and the exponential growth of technology.

This focus on technology has left older workers from previous generations out in the cold. They grew up using their sweat and labor to earn an income and they find it difficult to now retrain their bodies and minds to sit in front of a computer screen and contemplate the surreal world of bits, bytes and the ethernet. So the displaced employees that can afford it, have begun retiring in droves. Those that cannot, surrender to remaining under-employed in fields where they can still apply their increasingly obsolete skills. To facilitate this, they have to downsize. So they sell their family home in the country, sell their cars and motor home and move to the suburbs, where smaller, more affordable living quarters are available and where public transportation allows them to get around more economically.

Meanwhile, their children, now approaching adulthood statistically will fail to fledge by 18 or perhaps even 30. Unable to find suitable work and having no way to pay for the rising cost of the education they need to compete in an increasingly specialized economy, they are resigned to remain at home until such time as they can pool their resources with a future spouse or a room mate and begin an independent life.

These young adults, realizing their income already barely stretches from payday to payday are less likely to have children, or if they do, statistically fewer children then their parents did. So the number of new recruits to the labor force quickly begins to diminish. As the older generation retires, not only do they start to drain the social services that were intended to be replenished by their children and grandchildren, but they now have need of expensive long term care or medical intervention and their offspring, who have been struggling to start their own lives and families, are either forced to move back in with their parents or reduce the number of hours they work to become part or full time caretakers. All of these factors, along with costly corruption on Wall Street, higher taxes, the increasing cost of food and fuel among other things is causing previous world powers and economic leaders like the U.S. and Europe to spiral down into debtor states, as a tiger rises out of the shadows in the East to dominate the future.

As I write, the United States and indeed the world is experiencing a financial crisis of unprecedented proportions. It is of course a complex problem, so much so, that even the experts disagree as to how to promote growth, while maintaining stability. It does seem odd that the phenomenon of money, (a concept created by humanity), can lurch so far out of our control. But there are factors beyond mere mathematics at issue here; factors that we cannot easily manage.

First, the population in developed countries is getting older. The average age of the American worker has climbed in the last 20 years by 4 years to almost 42. That may not sound like a problem, but that same trend finds those reaching the traditional retirement age of 65 now make up 13% of the population, compared to only 4 percent in 1900. And this shift promises to continue unabated for some time, as a tidal wave of individuals from the "Baby Boomer" generation start reaching their golden years and for a variety of reasons, their children are choosing to have fewer offspring to recharge the labor pool. This literally means that a smaller and smaller work force is paying into a system that is supporting an expanding group of retirees. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out this is not a sustainable scenario. There is speculation that by the time today's average worker reaches retirement age, the system he will have been paying into all of his working life may be out of money. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion and there is very little we can do to avert disaster. To make matters worse, older folks consume more medical goods and services than their younger counterparts and that is putting a strain on the entire medical industry, from doctors and nurses to medical suppliers, as well as government and private insurance purveyors. Increasing levels of antipathy and stonewalling in government, has the result of kicking the problem down the road for some future administration to deal with.

Secondly, emigration from poorer countries or those where poverty and or terrorist activities are threatening peoples lives has forced richer nations to deal with a huge influx of vulnerable individuals in need of, jobs, medical care, child services, transportation and a place to live. This has placed an additional strain on already teetering economies as they debate whether to absorb this diaspora or force them to return to their countries of origin. But data show that people and families facing poverty and or violence where they live, will do whatever is necessary to survive, returning again and again to safer neighboring lands where they may eventually find the security and opportunity being denied them at home. The interesting flip side of this phenomenon is that it is happening just as work forces in developed countries are shrinking, due to aging populations. So while these new immigrants create an initial resource load on industrial nations, their eagerness for access to education, jobs and a better standard of living may inject a new dynamism into our moribund economies just in time to avert disaster.

A third major reason that many economies around the world are collapsing is corruption. Huge multi-national corporations carry so much weight and influence, they behave more like roving governments than companies, watering down regulation and enforcement through bribes and lobbying so that they can continue raking in huge profits at the expense of domestic populations. Oil companies pollute pristine ecosystems as well as established towns and neighborhoods all over the world, making children sick and displacing residents; pharmaceutical firms promote medicines that cause life threatening side effects; food producers make and distribute packaged items with lots of sugar and salt but otherwise empty calories, that are responsible for a dramatic rise in diabetes in the U.S and around the world; banks rake in loads of revenue by selling bad loans and then profit a second time by selling those same properties again, after the buyers are forced to default; companies across the world respond to their shrinking bottom lines by forcing employees to work harder and for longer hours while keeping wages stagnant or even withdrawing benefits; digital media carriers prey on the weaker aspects of the human psyche, causing an entire generation to become addicted to devices, apps, social media and staying connected 24/7, while continually raising rates and requiring the perpetual purchase of new gadgets and software updates to maintain their addiction.

Finally, it appears that the world's cultures, classes and belief systems are drifting apart philosophically like tectonic plates. As has been mentioned so frequently in the news of late, the gap between rich and poor is widening and the middle class, which actually drives the economy is approaching burnout and loosing economic power while working harder than ever. The idealogical and military wars being waged around the world now makes the cold war of the past seem like the good old days. Extremest views are clashing with Western lifestyles, religious and ethnic prejudice is at an all time high and costly conflicts are draining economies as well as wiping out entire generations of young men and women that will never buy homes, start families or contribute to society. Senseless tragedies occur daily that keep the world in turmoil with inhumane actions begetting revenge, upon revenge and no person, institution, government or miracle seems capable of containing the devastation.

What's happening on the local level \- I have noticed in my own community (and I am sure the same is true for the rest of the country), that people are not buying as they once did. This last Christmas, in spite of the cheery sales numbers that were rolled out in the media, stores were almost empty: people were staying away in droves. At my local swap meet even, many spaces still stand empty, vacated by vendors of all sorts, due to a lack of interest on the part of visitors. Families and individuals are still stopping, by for a stroll and some street food, but leaving with nothing in their hands. A sign that shopping has become more of a spectator sport than an activity which actually stimulates the economy. Therefore, this is definitely not the time to start a retail business. And unfortunately beautiful artwork such as ceramics, jewelry and paintings are not fetching buyers. So if you do create items for sale, try online marketing or selling from home, where the overhead is far less.

OK, some good news!

Where opportunities still exist - If you are entrepreneurial and seeking an arena to ply your talents, one axiom that is still relevant is: follow the trends. As the population ages, the need for services that cater to seniors is becoming a hot market. In home care, gardening, light repair, local transportation, food delivery and travel that caters to older adults, are all excellent places to research business prospects. Continuing in that category: many medical specialties now offer great opportunities, such as patient advocate, physical therapist, nutritionist/dietitian. pharmacist, medical transport, medical interpreter. And the list goes on. Another trend that shows no sign of slowing is the growth of immigrant populations. Helping immigrants with securing documents, finding work and housing, language instruction and computer training are all areas with great potential. However, because immigrants have few resources initially to spend on services, many of these activities are provided by volunteers. But schools and training organizations do hire personnel to assist with immigrant services, so do your research and see what possibilities exist. My point is, opportunities are still present, but you have to be more imaginative, flexible and wiling to try different things. Because there are so many looking for work, intangible factors such as dress, good communication , optimism, creativity and interpersonal skills are indispensable. Human Resources personnel are tasked with the job of pouring through scores of applications and resumes sent by well qualified candidates. When push comes to shove, your ability to write well, being multi-lingual, the content that appears on you Facebook page, your choice of attire and your level of preparation for interviews, all may give you the edge you need to ace out the competition.

What is Resource Control?

An unfortunate fact of economic life is that you can't always control how much you earn. Though there are things you can do, such as return to school to improve your skills, move to an area where pay is better, or seek promotions with your current employer, these efforts frequently fail to produce the results you might hope for. Education offers no guarantees of better pay, moving to an area where per capita income is greater, often results in higher rent or mortgage payments and competition within a company for the better positions can be fierce and unfairly influenced by favoritism and paybacks. But financial fitness is more than just a measure of how much you earn: of equal importance is how you use the money you have. Like a balance sheet which shows the profits and losses that a company tracks to gage it's growth and health, your personal finances conform to the same variables. In this case, profits would be called "income" and losses would be called "expenses". Your expenses are the sum total of all you spend to maintain your household, feed yourself and your family, fuel and repair the car, go on vacations, etc. Income represents all the resources coming in, including wages, the sale of personal items, tax returns and the like. Unfortunately, for most people and or families, expenses barely exceed income, and when unexpected events throw the budget out of whack, the gap is made up using credit cards and loans, which allow you to put off the pain of repayment somewhere into the future, but at a very high cost.

We all use optimism as a panacea to make us feel better about our the future. But it can also cause us to be in denial if we use hope and projection to justify deferring payments until some time when "things will be better", while enjoying the benefits of our new cars, vacations, home improvements today.

Banks prey on this desire to "have what we want when we want it", by charging outrageous premiums on the unpaid balance of loans and credit cards. Optimism is great, but when it is not coupled with a solid plan for paying down debts, it actually borrows from our future to pay for today's expenses . That is how people get deeper and deeper in debt. Because some day, all those deferred payments will come due and you may be no better off than when you initially spent the money that you now owe. Certainly, it is a good idea to have credit available to afford life's unexpected calamities: the transmission in the car goes out, a child needs a critical surgery that is not covered by insurance and so on. But just bear in mind, it is all to easy to redefine desires as needs and then use that redefinition to override our better judgement. Whenever possible, pay cash or draw from your bank account rather than using credit, which only serves to further enrich the banks with your interest payments.

So how then do we address the fact that our income often does not cover our expenses? The answer to that lies at the heart of "Resource Control", learning to maximize the income you have and adding to it in novel ways to place your balance sheet firmly in the black, month after month. Let's talk about some strategies for doing just that.

A. Household rent or mortgage - This is most people's largest expense: provision of a roof over their head and a place to call home. As illustrated earlier, where you live has a direct bearing on how much you'll pay for housing. But I do not believe it is wise to live an hour's commute from your work in order to reduce your housing expense, because the difference will be made up in the cost of gasoline as well as wear and tear on your vehicle. Additionally, insurance companies now charge more if you travel over a certain distance to work. It is therefore an exercise in 'robbing Peter to pay Paul', trading the burden of high cost housing for a more expensive commute. Though it may make the expenditures less visible, it doesn't improve the bottom line, to say nothing of the added stress caused by sitting in traffic.

The concentration of people in cities has been a necessary development in the evolution of humanity: one that afforded groups the opportunity to create and share resources more effectively. And they still remain the hub of commerce and finance throughout the world. But with digital revolution, the old model of cloistering hundreds of employees inside a building for 8 or more has become increasingly obsolete. Companies have found that productivity actually increases when workers ply their trade off site, away from the distraction and politics of the employee pool. This benefits the company in other ways too, such as reducing the need to build, maintain, light, heat and pay for a space to warehouse employees during the work day. All those expenses can then be funneled into advertising, product development and acquisitions.

Therefore, the message is, look for opportunities to work from home, at least part of the week, living outside the city, where crime is lower, where the noise level is tamer and where the cost of living is more affordable. If that is not an option, consider a room mate or offering a room in your home as a part time office or meeting place. If you own your home, try to refinance to reduce the cost of your mortgage. If you rent, speak to your landlord about trading part of your rent to care for the garden or doing minor repairs or upgrades. As with all areas of your life, opportunities are created first through your ingenuity. Analyze your particular situation and determine where expenses can be reduced or where novel sources of income may be hiding. Get creative. Try different things and continually refine your efforts.

B. Utilities - Depending on what climate you live in and the size of your family, utilities may compete with groceries as your 2nd largest expense. If you live in an extreme climate, either very cold or very hot, it may seem unlikely that much can be done to reduce utility costs without compromising comfort, but actually there is a lot you can do. For those living in warmer climates, the advancement of solar / electric technologies provides new and exciting opportunities to maintain lifestyle while reducing energy costs. New programs offer a variety of options for leasing panels or using state or federal incentives to cover a portion of the materials and installation. Additionally, any energy you produce that exceeds your needs is fed back into the utility's grid, which may result in a credit to your bill. Whether you purchase your system outright, taking advantage of rebates or choose to lease your system and forfeit those rebates to the solar provider, the total amount spent for energy, (including the lease or purchase of your solar equipment), can add up to real savings.

Another option which can be very effective for homeowners living in hot dry areas is a "whole house fan". One characteristic of desert climates is that temperatures rise dramatically during the day and then plummet at night, as there is no moisture in the air to hold in the heat. The sun sets just as the heat it generated during the day begins to migrate through the walls into the interior space. This makes nights inside unbearably warm, even though outside temperatures may be 20-50 degrees lower. A whole house fan draws in that cooler outside air through open windows, displacing the interior heat and exhausting it through vents in the gables or roof. The cooling effect is almost immediate and the cost is minimal. There are no compressors or freon based heat exchangers, which can consume large amounts of energy, only an electric motor driving an impeller that simply cools your overheated interior, with fresh evening air, just when you desperately need it for sleep.

Another option is to purchase small, ductless air conditioning systems, which can be mounted over doors, on walls or even moved from room to room. Very often, families gather in the living room, entertainment room, dining room or kitchen and yet still use the old technology of paying to cool the entire house when it's not necessary. These units are reasonably priced and easily installed. They not only make real sense, but save real dollars in areas where indoor cooling can represent a substantial expense.

For those living in cool or cold climates, natural gas and or heating oil represent the largest climate control expenses in the home. Heating the entire living space in this way can get very pricey, so it may make more sense to identify which areas of the home are occupied most and heat those with a safe, modern electric space heater. If you have a fireplace, you may consider using that to augment your other heating choices or installing a wood stove in that space, which works much more efficiently than a regular fireplace, burning pellets composed of wood pulp and other natural materials inside of a controlled furnace-like space. The resulting heat radiates throughout the house by convection.

Congregating the family into one or two heated rooms can also reduce the costs needed to heat an entire house as well as promoting family unity. Plan family activities to pass long days cooped up indoors and use the oven to bake goodies which will serve the dual purpose of comforting everyone from the inside as well as out.

C. Groceries and Meals - Depending on the size of your family, food may represent your largest ongoing family expense after mortgage or rent and not one you should skimp on. I am all for seeking out deals, by shopping at discount stores or big box retailers but you still need to educate yourself on what healthy food is and how to incorporate it into your diet. Plus, you must read labels to sleuth out any hidden fats or sugar that may sabotage your efforts to be healthy. Let's face it, healthy food costs more, but that doesn't mean you always need to go overboard by buying expensive organic produce and meat. In some cases the differences are negligible. Let's talk about when more expensive options might be worth the money.

As with so many economic decisions, common sense plays an important role. Fruits and vegetables with thin skins are reputed to potentially absorb more pesticides into their tissues than their thicker-skinned cohorts. And grass fed beef and poultry may carry more beneficial phyto-nutrients, like Omega 3s in their in their meat. Certainly, when we imagine animals grazing on rolling grasslands as opposed to being confined to cages, we may feel we are supporting more humane treatment by purchasing products from farms that utilize these methods. That's fine, as long as these options remain affordable and indeed, prices on organic foods are dropping as they become more mainstream and widely distributed.

There are frozen options that are perfectly healthy, but again, you need to know what you're buying. Read the package to determine if any preservatives were used. If not, frozen vegetables may represent a good value, as they are picked at their peak of ripeness and flash frozen to hold in their precious nutrients. Fresh veggies usually taste better however, as their tender tissues have not been disturbed by the damaging effects of freezing, but buy fresh only if you plan to use it that night or within several days, otherwise, they may spoil, costing you unnecessary inconvenience and expense.

Of all the food groups, fruits and vegetables represent the best value. You can fill your grocery bag with fresh colorful produce and still pay under $25 in many cases. Additionally, your diet should be composed mostly of these nutritional gems anyway, so finding a place that reliably stocks consistently good produce can be a great way to drastically reduce your grocery bill.

Another way to save on food is to make soups, stews and casseroles. These tasty and healthy concoctions combine many different food groups, proteins, vegetables and legumes and can last for several days in the refrigerator, becoming more flavorful as the various flavors combine with each other. Salads are fast and inexpensive, packing a powerful nutritional punch, especially when lean rich meats and healthy oils are added.

Learning about and creating healthy food at bargain prices is an ongoing and evolving process and one you should dive into with passion. As long as you live, you will need food to sustain you, to say nothing of the fact that eating well is one of life's great pleasures. It will definitely take more time and effort to improve your diet and to learn how and where you can save money while doing so, but there are very few areas of your life where such efforts are of greater importance. Seek a dynamic balance between economy and health and you'll be well on your way to trimming your gut while fattening your wallet.

D. Transportation Expenses

If you live in a safe, walkable city with good public transit and you choose those options as an alternative to driving, you are already doing all you can do to control your transportation expenses. Good for you! But for the rest of us, getting around can be expensive. Vehicles are pricey to operate and maintain, to say nothing about the cost of payments, insurance and registration. Therefore, finding ways to cut costs here and there can make a big difference on the balance sheet, month to month. Here are some suggests that have worked for me.

Taking care of your vehicle. Read the owner's manual that came with your car to determine the suggested periodic maintenance and be sure it's done. Keep records on when and where a service was performed and how much you paid, using a spreadsheet or lined paper. Keep tires rotated and filled to the specifications outlined in your auto manual, to extend their life and maintain a good ride with optimum gas mileage. Tire inflation levels can usually also be found on the back panel of the driver's side door, where the latch is located. Follow these inflation recommendations rather than those found on the tires, as they are specific to your vehicle. Wash your ride at least once a month, or more often if dust, salt or mud are frequently encountered. Check the air filter at every oil change to see if it needs to be replaced and ask for all belts and hoses to be inspected at the same time. Being disciplined about vehicle care can keep your steed running many years beyond it's anticipated lifespan.

Combining trips - I don't particularly like shopping or navigating parking lots, so I attempt to cluster my retail activities and complete them all on the same day of the week. I have found stores that are in close proximity to one another, so I can get what I need and keep the driving to a bare minimum. This saves me from having to make short jaunts that consume extra gallons of fuel each time I run out of something. Plus, it's way easier on my nerves and once it's over, my refrigerator is stocked for the coming week. But this requires planning: so I suggest keeping a weekly list of items that you're running low on, do an inventory throughout the house the night before you shop, to determine if back up supplies of paper and cleaning products, etc. need to be replenished. Shop in the morning if possible, when store shelves have just been restocked and crowds have not yet arrived.

When you need to purchase or replace a vehicle - While you may want to drive a sexy coupe, if you have a family, that may not be the most practical choice. Determine your needs and those of your household and buy accordingly. Are you routinely doing odd jobs around the house? Maybe you need something with hauling capacity or a roof rack. Do you schlep kids around to school and weekend activities? Then a van may be the best option. And resist the temptation to buy new. True, the new vehicles may have the latest technology, with iPod ports and rear view cameras, but unless you really need these gadgets, avoid paying a premium for all the bells and whistles. Shop for a unit is at least 3 years old and that has been well cared for by a previous owner. During those three years after it's manufacture, most of the factory recalls and kinks will have been worked out, establishing the vehicle's reliability. Before purchase, take the car, truck or van you're considering to a well-reputed mechanic to have it evaluated for any hidden problems, such as worn suspension, structural or superficial rust damage, a previous accident, alignment issues, oil or water leaks, or poor transmission performance. If the seller is unwilling to release the vehicle to you for 24 hours so you can conduct a 'pre-purchase inspection', chances are they're hiding something. In that event, walk away and don't look back.

E. Travel and Entertainment- For your mental health and the cohesiveness of your primary relationships, it's important to have entertaining events and new destinations to look forward to and enjoy. That is why it's essential to set aside some funds for regular getaways, either local or distant. Unlike a bill, you don't get a monthly reminder to divert some of your income to entertainment, so it requires discipline and a plan to pull it off. The first thing is to shift your attitude on travel and entertainment. Stop thinking of it as a luxury, that can only be indulged in when all other financial needs are satisfied. Take it from me, that day will never come. If you're a homeowner, you know that something always needs to be fixed, maintained or replaced and if you don't put fun and recreation ahead of other issues once in a while, the years will fly by and you'll be left wondering where they went. Travel especially creates strong memories that anchor you psychologically to a place and time. As you look back over the months and years, it's not just a blur of responsibilities, but rather a well managed life, punctuated by exotic sights, sensations and spontaneous adventures.

How can these elective activities be financed without breaking the bank? First of all, don't count on your credit card to pay for the entire trip. Some things like airline flights are better paid for with plastic, because if the airline doesn't live up to their promises, you can dispute the charge with your card company. But be sure that the funds to pay for those flights are already in the bank. If you're planning an overseas trip, do some research to determine how to get the best exchange rate for your dollars. Some banks offer currency exchange and if you're a member, they may not charge you for the service. Additionally, there are companies that exist expressly for the purpose of making a profit by exchanging currencies. Avoid these agencies if at all possible, because the premium you'll pay may be excessive. If you exchange your currency in your destination country, banks in major cities may offer exchange services for free, or you may end up paying a nominal service fee as a percentage of your transaction. Do your research ahead of time to find the option that best fits your needs.

Getting around in an unfamiliar city or country can be a daunting and expensive task if you haven't already familiarized yourself with the various options. If you're planning a trip to a new foreign locale, start exploring online and through bookstores, on the best ways to from point to point and the associated rates. While your at it, explore the cost of major attractions and whether they will take your own domestic currency, require payment in their monetary units and if credit cards are an option. Once you have these elements of your trip nailed down, you can rest assured, you're as prepared as possible. But don't be disheartened if something doesn't go exactly as you expected. There are often glitches, schedule changes, broken down buses and details that are lost in translation. That is part of the adventure of travel. Try to take it all in stride. Remember, the more challenging the experience, the better story it will make when you get home.

There are so many details to cover regarding travel and entertainment that of course we cannot discuss them all here. But just know that you have this one life to live and one chance to see and enjoy the myriad destinations that exist across the globe. Try different strategies for setting aside funds for recreation, like making coffee at home and stashing the $5 you would have spent at your local java grinder every morning. Another idea is to create a special 'travel jar' in which to set aside a predetermined amount of cash every week. Or divert a small portion of income from your checking account to a 'travel savings' account. Something you won't be tempted to dip into when cash flow issues arise. Put several hundred dollars or more into a 6 month CD (Certificate of Deposit), that will accrue some interest, but most importantly, cannot be cashed until it's maturity date. Whatever method you choose, start dreaming now about where you will go. Whether it's across town to a special restaurant, across the country to visit a favorite city or national park, or across the pond to another continent, having plans to look forward to breaks up the monotony that often characterizes work and family life. It gives you a reason to exist beyond just treading water and surviving and supports your ongoing journey toward Sustainable Happiness.

F. Creating Additional Income - If you're like most people, you earn your living from wages which, now-a-days, don't rise very often or very much, unlike your expenses, which seem to be going up steadily all the time. The conventional ways out of this conundrum are to ask for a raise at work, (good luck with that), or to reduce your spending. Well, we have just discussed ways to maximize the resources you have but that may not get you completely into your comfort zone. Therefore, another avenue you may want to consider is to develop a small side business. The advent of the internet and social applications like Facebook and Twitter, have made it easier than ever to promote your product or service. But, be sure you're not in competition with your employer, or breaking any agreements about "moonlighting", before you splash your face and business across the web. And if you're not comfortable with the digital realm or prefer to keep your new venture local, there are Farmer's Markets in almost every major city that provide space for food, and non-food vendors to sell their products or promote their services, for a nominal fee or a percentage of generated sales. And if you're talent does lie in the culinary realm, food sales can be brisk at most of these markets and a lot of money can be made, but you'll have to learn about and satisfy all the food handling requirements in your county and state and obtain a certification from your local Health Department before you begin. Then you'll be required to submit to periodic inspections of your equipment and procedures to maintain your license. But if food is indeed your passion, you may find a new calling that has the potential to overtake the profitability of your current job.

Other businesses that you can consider for either local or internet marketing are small scale manufacture of creams, soaps or cosmetics. Handmade or imported clothing and accessories can be a good business, if you're handy with sewing or savvy about styles and know how and where to buy well. If you're an artist, you may envision selling your creations as a source of side money, but I have found that art does not sell well when economic conditions are not ideal. It's probably the first luxury item to be sacrificed when families have trouble making ends meet. And sadly, there is so much "knock-off" art being sold at discount and department stores and the average buyer is not sophisticated enough to understand why they should pay $400 for an original piece, when the vinyl print made in China by the millions only costs $29.97 at Walmart and is already framed and ready to hang.

If you like to drive and know your city well, you might consider exploiting that knowledge as a revenue generator. "Uber", a company that provides "on demand rides" for those wishing an alternative to traditional taxis will want to hear from you. They are now operating in almost every major city in the world and under current rules, you can use your own vehicle and pay a portion of your proceeds to Uber. Taxi companies of course don't appreciate the competition and in some cities, have lobbied to make services like Uber illegal. But a movement toward greater diversity in transportation is sweeping the world and will probably continue in one form or another.

Other ideas to explore might be flower arranging; wedding photography; handyman or gardening services; sprinkler repair; buying and selling items on the internet or at garage sales; renting a room in your home for short term visitors or long term tenants and the list goes on and on. And with new phone or tablet based applications that allow almost anyone to accept credit and debit cards for payment, expensive terminals that need to be tied to a land line are quickly becoming a thing of the past.

There are of course no guarantees you'll make money, but with creativity, a well researched plan, patience and persistence there's a better than even chance that you'll discover new activities you enjoy, meet new, interesting people and maybe, just maybe open up new avenues of cash flow that provide you greater economic freedom.

G. Planning - Hope and Goals go hand in hand. Hope is a unique feature of human consciousness that allows us to envision a better day and goals are the stepping stones we create to get us there. But hope and goals are not enough in and of themselves to manifest a dream, they need to be integrated into a plan, which provides a scaffolding, holding everything in place and allowing us to visualize how each element is interrelated and what path we will need to take to ascend from one goal to the next . Planning is like an art: a process which can always be improved upon, but is rarely mastered. That's why it's useful to always have some kind of plan that you're working on, so that you learn, develop and practice strategies that take advantage of your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses.

For example: if you want to start a company that creates customized fountains and your strength lies in masonry and sculpture, not so much in the mechanical realm, it might be more practical in the short term to network with an associate who can handle that specific task. Then later, if you desire, you can expand your skills into the area of pumps, valves and electrical circuits to assume more control over the finished product. When we rely on what we're already good at, while acquiring knowledge and or skill in related fields, we are always leading with our strongest suit.

Planning is often the bridge you build between what was meant to happen and what does happen.

Planning empowers you to see obstacles and challenges before they materialize and remove them from the equation. Throughout human history, nothing of import or lasting value was ever accomplished without some serious planning. This will be your secret weapon to ensure that the road ahead leads much more frequently to the land of success.

H. Be willing to let your mind wander - Thomas Edison said "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration", but my experience has been somewhat different. I've noticed that when I have a goal, I spend a lot of time in my mind running through the steps necessary to accomplish it. This process involves several different types of thinking and they occur in no particular order:

Visualizing the completion of the goal: What will it look like and how it will function?

Imagining possible methods for accomplishing the goal: Are there economic or logistical limitations? How might you overcome those to arrive at the best result given the resources available?

Support working concepts with some empirical data: Depending on the nature of your goal, it may be necessary to get out a tape measure and or a calculator, do some internet research or make some phone calls to get information. And because your mind will already be so busy with other things, at some point, facts and figures will need to be committed to paper or some type of digital medium; something you'll be able to refer back to as your plan is refined.

Don't be afraid to move ideas around: Shifting the placement of ideas or eliminating them all together as new information becomes available is the definition of intellectual flexibility. Allow the mind to be like a stage or laboratory, where different scenarios are considered and eliminated or tested and improved. Eventually, the right combination of solutions will emerge at which point, the task will come more clearly into view and seem suddenly more manageable.

I. Organization and Commitment - These are two essential qualities of character you must develop if you hope to create and execute plans well and in a timely manner.

Organization: Imagine your life as a ripple in water. If the innermost ripple is distorted in some way, that distortion will not only be repeated, it will be magnified as the wave migrates outward. Put another way: if the important details of your life are not currently under control, that distraction will only become more disruptive when and if unexpected problems arise that require more of your attention and energy. Organizational refinement can be made on a macro and micro level with each achieving exponential benefits. Examples of macro issues that can impact your plans might be economic, personal or relationship issues that drain your energy and passion. A micro detail might be placing and returning important tools where you'll easily find and access them or removing tripping hazards from the floor so that when your preoccupied by a difficult task or a tight schedule, you won't cause unnecessary pain and delay by injuring yourself.

Commitment: Committing to your goal means you'll create the necessary energy and enthusiasm to continue working on it, even when you may not want to. Each moment seduces us in one direction or another, either to play or engage in some other kind of distraction. Commitment is a promise we make to ourselves to not procrastinate and remain focused on accomplishing our objectives. This is where maintaining a mental picture of your goal completed helps inspire you to stay motivated and fight the inevitable inertia.

"The perfect is the enemy of the good". So admonished Voltaire. And it is a truth of the human condition that we often seek the perfect time, the perfect mindset, the perfect tools, the perfect knowledge and so on before we feel prepared to embark on a new goal or adventure. Meaning ultimately, that nothing gets done, because perfection in anything is unattainable. One way in which this counterproductive obsession with perfection takes shape is assuming one has to be an expert before he can start a project. This is a classic "Catch 22" situation, because how can you become an expert in anything if you haven't already done it? That is not to say that you should leap, half-cocked into a project without preparation and forethought: that is an almost certain recipe for failure. But the happy medium emerges when you prepare yourself as best you can and then proceed cautiously, taking small risks, making mistakes, correcting them as quickly and effectively as possible and continuing. Experts rarely innovate. Rather, they bask in their "expert-ness" and become irrelevant. Innovations are made by people who are either unaware of the excepted protocol or willing to experiment beyond it, as a child would. Do you lack the perfect wisdom or the perfect amount of money to do something? Good, then figure out a different way to do it. One that allows you to prceed with the resources you have. Never assume that the accepted way is the best way.

The "best" of anything is always subject to redefinition.

The Resource and Discipline Canopy

We've learned that creating a sustainable life, where most of our needs and desires are met requires ongoing education and discipline. In our changing cultural and economic climates, flexibility and adaptability are key and throughout history, humans have shown an incredible ability to adapt to shifting circumstances. Being able to retain these qualities of character will be essential to your survival whether you are just starting your career or well into your retirement. But of course we all want to do more than just adapt and survive, we want to succeed and thrive. Therefore, along with flexibility, remaining open to learning, experimenting, taking risks and failing will give you an advantage over your peers, who may choose to just react to what life throws at them rather than anticipate it in advance and develop a strategy for overcoming the challenge.

The digital revolution has created a real and widening rift between those who've learned to use technology and those who haven't. Increasingly, interacting with businesses, clients, institutions, government, friends and family has become a digital affair and the longer you wait to jump on board, the more difficult it becomes to catch up later on. Technology grows by leaps and bounds, expanding geometrically as disparate digital realms merge and morph into whole new products and services. It is not necessary to stay abreast of every innovation, in fact I would say it's nearly impossible. But feeling comfortable with computers and with digital interfaces will afford you the opportunity to discover platforms and applications that are new to you and that can assist you as your social and economic milieu matures.

I never cease to be amazed at how many seniors now carry around cell phones and tablets, taking and sending pictures, checking email, texting, using applications and sharing their new found knowledge with other mature adults and their children. This trend opens them up to a refreshing "Renaissance", at an age when their parents and grandparents would have been sliding into isolation and obscurity. That's not to say that all the downstream effects of technology have been positive, as I've discussed in earlier sections. But used responsibly and in scale with other important areas of one's life, it can serve as a fabulous tool for staying informed and staying in touch. And it appears that seniors are able to do just that.

Remaining in control of your financial life, present and future, is an endeavor that can be made much easier through the use of these technologies. Whatever knowledge you are seeking or whatever need you are trying to fill, the answer is most likely out there, if you know how to find it. Examples of new digital applications and utilities that I use today that just a short time ago were not even available are: online spreadsheets for keeping track of my expenses; ongoing newsletters and updates that I receive via email to inform me about new workshops or publications that can improve my financial acumen; online banking and bill paying, enabling me to dispense with buying stamps and trying to find one of those rapidly disappearing mailboxes; sending documents to my tax preparer by email, rather than by fax or snail mail; accepting credit cards via Paypal or one of the many other merchant applications and I am only scratching the surface of what is available. Rather than trying to stay on top of every new development in the digital world, I seek out solutions for the needs I have at the time, preferring not to bog down my brain with unnecessary clutter.

For those concerned about risk to their financial security when sending sensitive personal information across the world wide web, I won't lie, the challenges are real and should be taken seriously. And though the sheer volume of credit card and social security numbers floating out in cyberspace represents a veritable gold mine for thieves, the vast majority of those effected by such crimes are victimized because they've played fast and loose with their personal information. Examples of ways you might put your finances at risk are: using the same password for every application; not checking your bank accounts regularly to determine if any fraud has occurred; putting sensitive information on Facebook or other social media that crooks can use to decipher your security measures; not requesting new cards when large retailers reveal a breach of their financial records. The truth is, identity theft is not new. Criminals have been stealing mail, going through the trash and making photocopies of credit card numbers for years, it's just that now, they can literally relax at home, in their pajamas and with a little knowledge, profit from someone else's hard work. Therefore, the job each of us now has is to stay vigilant and be sure we don't become a statistic. And that is truly a small price to pay for all the benefits accrued to us by this new virtual world, where we can shop, pay bills, do our banking, stay in touch with friends and clients, capture, edit and send photographs, apply for jobs, get government and corporate assistance, order services, publish our thoughts, all while making and saving real money and from the comfort of our living room. Come to think of it. why wouldn't you join the revolution?

FREEDOM / Connection to Nature

Over the last couple of centuries, archeology has revealed that about 10,000 years ago, humankind began a migration that would transform our relationship to Nature dramatically and permanently. When men and women left the forests, mountains and deserts, as nomads, hunters and gatherers and began living communally in proto-cities, they slowly cleaved themselves from their connection to the natural world. Due to the development of agriculture, some individuals were freed from the time consuming tasks of finding, hunting and processing their food. They now had more time to devote to building, art, discovery and commerce. As these communities became bigger and more complex and as military conquest provided slaves to do the difficult and undesirable work of farming and building, whole generations lived their entire lives, isolated from the dangers, challenges and wonders of the untamed world beyond. Increasingly obsessed by political posturing, the accumulation of wealth and power and navigating the dynamics of their social world, elites in theses societies were cut off from the rhythms of Nature and would have been completely unprepared and vulnerable were a natural disaster suddenly thrust them back into the wilderness, where the security, comfort and conveniences they had come to rely upon were no longer available.

While this new life certainly provided many benefits and was essential to laying the groundwork for the later development of money, science, writing and architecture, something was also lost: a connection to the world that their ancestors knew - a world which began to seem increasingly hostile and dangerous to city dwellers. One which, had before been a benevolent provider of water and food, was soon becoming a realm which needed to be conquered and tamed. Droughts, fires, floods, lightning and celestial events now conjured up fears that powerful gods were angry and needed to be placated. This fear gave way to rituals and eventually religions in which individuals and communities worshiped, even sacrificing animals and other humans in a desperate effort to gain the the favor of these temperamental spirits.

Fast-forward to our modern times: religions are still with us, though in some cases, less severe in their practices and a large and growing portion of humanity now lives in cities, which seem designed to satisfy every possible need. And though we statistically live longer than any time in history, chronic diseases like arthritis, atherosclorosis, dementia, diabetes, cancer and mental illness plague so many, that they should be considered epidemic in scope. We attempt to address these threats with frantic exercise programs, fad diets, invasive surgeries and a plethora of medications, but in spite of this, many developed nations are still getting sicker and sicker.

Counterintuitively, in less well off nations, (the so-called 'The 3rd World"), average lifespans may be shorter and more difficult, due to poverty and or acute diseases like malaria or dysentery, but the aforementioned chronic diseases are almost unknown. Why is this? Why, especially when so many in the "1st World" enjoy safety, shelter, security, food, water, entertainment, sanitation and medical intervention, is mental illness occurring in such record numbers?

Let's explore a little further for an answer.

As the world's three major religions have, over the centuries, absorbed "pagan worship" and done away with it's focus on Nature as supreme creator, destroyer and arbiter, the minds of the faithful have developed an increasing distain for the physical and sensory world. This has meant that humanity's spiritual connection to our living planet has been broken, giving rise to the relatively modern notion that "our god", created the world for us and gave us dominion over it. This has inspired and justified the damming and polluting of rivers, the plundering of the oceans, the over harvesting of forests and the slow destruction of the atmosphere. To ancient peoples, for whom Nature was home, provider and Great Mother, this full scale assault would have been considered a form of cultural suicide. To them, the natural world was a partner that they struggled to understand and work with, rather than control. To native peoples, polluting one's drinking water, poisoning the oceans or filling the air with soot would have been akin to killing their own family. Likely even the most ruthless warrior had respect for Nature and understood it as the world from which his ancestors arose and to which he would one day return to join them. A mysterious omnipresence that was... the source of all things.

indigenous peoples regarded the buffalo, the eagle and the forest as brothers and sisters, part of the same dynamic world that they inhabited. Food had to be hunted, grown or harvested, which required time, work and precious resources. The idea of individuals over consuming food for sheer pleasure would have seemed absurd. Every man, woman and child had responsibilities to themselves, their family and to the community. While there was surely a division of labor, with some hunting, some making clothes and baskets and some gathering wood, nuts and fruits, inequality was rare. It was understood that everyone contributed to and shared equally in the benefits of the community's' efforts.

By contrast today, individuality is exalted as a goal and an outward sign of self reliance and success. As tribes gave way to villages, which morphed into towns and now the cities, in which many of us live, individuals reside in increasing proximity to one another but are much less interdependent. Food, water, heat, waste removal, entertainment, clothes, transportation, shelter and safety are now all provided by a largely unseen infrastructure, designed to free residents from the labor intensive activities involved in survival. This allows individuals time to pursue more lofty aspirations, such as reading, innovating, volunteering and improving their minds. But instead, many choose to waste that time watching mindless programs on TV, becoming absorbed in social media sites and stuffing their faces with empty calories. Now that the individual can create his or her own bubble, fully equipped with all the benefits of a five-star hotel, crammed into a 800 square foot space, they have no need of a family or community. There is no one around to tell them not to eat a whole bag of chips and there is no imperative to burn those extra calories chopping wood or hunting for food. Modern man is now free to do whatever he wants, but instead of elevating his consciousness, this new freedom has caused him to become lonely, fat and plagued by chronic pain. Beseeched by the cost of all his excesses, he is now enslaved by the very system that was ostensibly designed to liberate him. Unable to imagine or create a different paradigm, he sees no end to his drudgery as he becomes just another spoke in the wheel of "progress". And when the futility of his life hits home, he consoles himself with platitudes and drowns his frustration in yet more chips, alcohol and cigarettes. Is it really any wonder now that "civilization" is plagued by depression, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, arthritis, chronic anger and long term mental illness?

Starting with ancient Greece, into the Renaissance and up through the "Age of Enlightenment", which gave rise to the "Industrial Age" and eventually to our present "Digital Revolution", as man's curiosity about Nature's magic has been re-ignighted, he has used his evolving knowledge to transform the world he lives in. Scientific discoveries, which led to new methods for automating food production and manufacturing, as well as world wide transportation, 24/7 entertainment and medical advancements, have all been trotted out as improvements to the human experience. Whether they are or not depends on your particular perspective. But there is no question that man is obsessively driven to solve problems, and in many ways, our lives are far better for it. But when he assumes that technology can render Nature obsolete, he deludes himself with a warped view that further insulates him from his essential earthly origins.

Because it is now possible to live one's entire life inside one or another man made structure, be it a house, an office, or a automobile, it stands to reason that he would assume his connection to Nature is now less important and that some day, he may even live completely independent of it. To me, this is a form of hubris which assumes that Nature can be replaced with an "artificial environment", free of the capriciousness of weather, bugs, global warming or a compromised ozone layer. Some futurists have even envisioned a post-apocalyptic world where in man continues to live, but surrounded by huge domed cities, complete with filtered air, water recycling, sanitation and artificial light, all intended to protect him from the toxic remnant of the now dead planet upon which he once depended. I certainly hope that day never comes, or at least, if it does, that I am no longer here to witness it. But until then, whether we recognize it or not, we are still inextricably linked to the Nature's cycles and dependent upon them not only for our very survival, but also for our physical and emotional well being.

So seamless is this dynamic connection to Nature, that most people remain oblivious to it. Children master cell phones and computers by the age of 5 but may never learn where their water comes from or the chemical composition of the air they breathe. They will learn how to drive, but may never marvel at the fact that the residue of ancient plants and animals powers their cars and heats their homes. We can all flip on a light switch, but have you ever stopped to consider that like your home, every atom in your body is electrified and that the same awesome power behind lightning brings your coffee maker to life every morning? You may ask: "Why is this even important? It won't help me get a job, save for a vacation or raise my children. The sun comes up every morning and goes down every night, the seasons change, my house stays warm and water flows from my tap as long as I pay my bills. So why, when I am already so preoccupied with the business of living should I give any thought to the natural world?" It's a fair question. And the answer is surprisingly simple: Because you and the natural world are one in the same.

FREEDOM / Nature / Source of Everything

To seek knowledge about the elemental forces of nature is to seek a deeper connection to your true inner Self at it's deepest level. You are literally made of the same materials that comprise the stars; you drink the same water and breathe the same air as the dinosaurs once did; trees in the Amazon and algae in the oceans, as well as the plants in your own backyard, produce the oxygen upon which your life depends; the entire human race is indebted to bees, butterflies, hummingbirds and bats for pollinating the fruits and vegetables that we consume at our dinner tables. We share Earth with millions of different species of plants, animals, fungi, and microorganisms, and this biodiversity provides us with the basic building blocks of life. The activities of all these organisms together maintains the atmosphere, develops new soils, breaks down wastes, stores and filters water, pollinates our crops, provides us with food, and protects us from disease. Without these ecological services, we would never have been able to develop abundant food, life-saving medicines, natural fibers for our clothes, lumber for our homes, or fuel to power our vehicle and drive our industries.

How is it then, that our natural world has worked so well for so long and humankind cannot even seem to even manage it's own affairs? For example: maintaining peace between nations, economic stability, or a functional government? In which realm would it seem you could avail yourself of greater wisdom? The world of man, money, aspirations, media and fashion (where your external self lives), or the realm of the tides, the seasons, the atmosphere, gravity, indeed the very wellspring of life, (where your deeper, ancient inner Self resides).

If you will recall earlier in the book, in my writings on "Self Esteem", I made reference to this Inner Self. Reiterating here: 'Your subconscious mind is where your true Self can be accessed. It is a repository of wisdom about you and the world around you that you can draw upon whenever you like. However, it is a quiet partner that doesn't seek attention for itself, rather it waits, patiently, for you to seek out it's guidance'. This subconscious mind or inner Self is rooted in the Natural world. It is more deeply connected to your bodily functions which in turn are linked to Nature's cycles. By uncoupling yourself from the superficial world of devices, talking heads, money and things and spending more time steeped in the sensory world of Nature, this deeper, quieter Self begins to come out of hiding. An infinite, even divine compassion becomes apparent, and it waits to be tapped, waits to inspire and enlighten you. How does it work? I don't presume to be smart enough to understand. All I know is that it does and that fact remains part of the enduring magic of the natural world, and therefore, your inner being. Embrace Nature as yourself and marvel at the wisdom, wonder and mystery of your very existence.

FREEDOM / Nature / Wisdom, Wonder & Mystery

Ten of us were preparing to leave San Diego before sun up. The anticipation was palpable as we all introduced ourselves, shook hands and piled into the van. Mike, our jovial and conscientious guide carefully loaded our luggage into the back and off we went. We had a 10 hour trip ahead of us to Guerrero Negro on Mexico's Baja, California peninsula. There is nothing particularly special about this place, it looks like so many towns that are scattered up and down Mexico's Western edge: countless shanties, festooned with black water tanks, roadside food carts, loose dogs foraging for scraps and small businesses, sporting iron window bars.

But Nature has endowed this part of Mexico with a coastal phenomenon unique in all the world. Scammon's Lagoon, which lies due West of Guerrero Negro, is accessible only by a long unpaved road. As our van rumbled down this Bohemian trail, the morning after our arrival, I was underwhelmed by the dry, desert environment leading to this natural wonder. Scrub brush and cactus dominated the landscape, but they eventually surrendered to the chilly waters of the Pacific as we approached the lagoon. A combination of ocean currents, geological formations and an abundance of food make this the favorite place on America's Pacific coast for the California Grey Whales to bring the next generation into the world. Furthermore, mothers and calves remain in this lagoon several months as the young one's get strong enough to make their first Summer journey North to arctic feeding grounds.

A small "panga boat" would provide our passage into the dark, mysterious waters of the lagoon, as we anxiously donned our life jackets and made our way across the water. The frigid air kissed our cheeks, as the morning chill and an over abundance of adrenalin set the mood for a once in a lifetime encounter with one of Nature's most majestic leviathans. Our boat captain ferried us to a point in the lagoon, from which the land was barely visible. He cut the engine and we waited. It wasn't long before one of our group spotted a water spout on the horizon. "That's it!" Said the captain. Suddenly, spouts were emerging from everywhere, we realized we were surrounded by maybe hundreds of Gray Whales, lurking in the water, just below our boat.

To help you wrap your mind around the incredible size of these gentle creatures, they can reach up to 40 tons in weight and 50 feet in length, with females being slightly larger than males. After a 12-13 month gestation, calves are born, weighing in at around a ton. Whale mothers are of course very protective of their young and if she perceived that we meant harm to either of them, she would no doubt flip our boat with a single whack of her massive flukes. But that has never happened here. In fact, in a miracle of species interaction, Scammon's Lagoon, (which is also known by the locals as "Ojo de Liebre", or "Eye of the Rabbit"), is the only place in the world where adult whales will not only approach the boat, but encourage their young to come in close, to be touched by humans. This is why we all spent hundreds of dollars and devoted days to travel to this otherwise, insignificant inlet, on the coast of Baja. To have a chance to be near and possibly even lay our hands on this gentle giant of the deep.

Our captain told us that over the past several years, the winter population in the lagoon had been rising. This year, it was estimated that as many as 1400 pregnant or nursing mothers were swimming somewhere in the lagoon. All of the males had already headed North, making their way back to the Arctic. There were numerous spouts appearing all around us now, raising our anticipation to a fever pitch. Some whales were beginning to breach only yards away while others writhed just below us, their unique pattern of barnacles passing quickly under the boat. Everyone was vocalizing to the whales now, as if to entice a shy fawn to feed from our hand. "Come on sweetie, come on!" "Over here, we love you. Let us see your baby!" Suddenly, a huge mother and calf appeared right next to us. Their exhaled bubbles exploding out of the dark waters, then dissolving into a mist which landed on our faces. The entire group began lurching from one side of the boat to the other, as the whales seemed to tease us, currying our attention. At first, they were just out of reach, some of our group so excited at the spectacle, they almost fell into the water in an effort to make contact with our gentle visitors. And in spite of their massive size, both mother and baby were acutely aware of their proximity to our vessel. The calf was clearly following her mother's cues as they inched closer and closer, eventually brushing up against our hull. Luckily the small boat had barely two feet of draft above the water, which was reduced to almost nothing as every possible soul crowded along the gunwales, laying their hands on the rubbery skin of the whales.

We had heard that the mother whale actually places her body under that of her calf, raising her out of the water to place her within reach of our human hands and that is exactly what began to happen. The calf's entire upper body was now exposed, she gazed upon us with her eye, as we all cooed in delight. Then, alternatively, the mother would rise to the surface, raising her massive snout out of the water, releasing a tremendous burst of air and letting us pet her to our heart's content.

We spent more than two hours visiting with our pelagic friends, completely immersed in the experience. I'm sure none of us gave a moment's thought to the trials and tribulations that remained back home on the mainland. Women were giddy with excitement and grown men were moved to tears by our other-worldly encounter. The love, trust and compassion that we shared, left a collective memory on each of our psyche's. And even if we never meet again, what we felt on that day, bonds us all together in a way that few other human experiences could. Nature, in all her beauty and vastness is the great healer. If only for that afternoon, I am sure that each of us, was quietly reminded of the simple and yet profound truth of our existence. Even in the most trying moments of our human lives, if we will only remember our genuine connection to the natural world and how it embraces and supports us, there is no difficulty we cannot rise above.

The Nature Canopy (Your Spiritual Connection)

When I speak of Nature, using terms like wisdom, wonder, mystery, etc., doesn't it resemble a religious sermon that one might expect to hear in any church, synagogue or temple? That resemblance is indeed real, but not intentional. Words suddenly become inadequate when we endeavor to express that rarest of sensations which touch us deeply, to the core of our being. We discover that language cannot differentiate between a religious experience or one we might call Spiritual.

Other words we might use in an attempt to further define such an experience: holiness; divinity; grace; purity; reverence; sacredness; sanctity; soulfulness and veneration, really all lead us back to the universal humility felt by all peoples, regardless of culture or creed, when confronted by the infinite, yet undefinable power of creation. When discussing how we perceive Nature or Creation, I see no reason to drive a wedge between religion and spirituality or to judge one as superior to the other, for I believe each is of equal value to the human psyche. Most of us have a unique blend of views and beliefs about the mysteries of life that arise from our experiences, lessons and traditions. These beliefs tend to mature as we do. And regardless of how we define this set of mysteries, or what rituals we employ to bring ourselves to explore them, in my view, we are all connecting to the same omnipotent, creative force, The important thing is that we make that connection and do so frequently.

In our short lives, we may make great strides or struggle to find direction. Either way, if we allow accomplishment or failure to obscure our need for a rich inner life, we do so at the risk of missing out on our true purpose. We all emerge from and are stewards of the same cosmos. And whether by divine intervention or chance, the fate of the world that we share with all living creatures now rests in our hands. Every day, each of us has a choice to regard our world as self or other and collectively, that choice will have either a profoundly positive or negative ripple effect on the fate of our species and on all creation. Do not assume that your individual contribution is too insignificant to be of any consequence. For the good that you do and the example that you set for others reverberates like a bell, sending out unseen waves of wisdom and compassion that really do make a difference.

By exploring and seeking a relationship with Nature, you are reminded that all creation is interconnected. Nature accepts you unconditionally, without regard for your level of popularity, wealth, attractiveness or success in our superficial world. In the grandeur of Nature, you begin to perceive a higher calling that pleads for your attention. Open yourself up to it and be inspired to make your home a sanctuary full of life. Work to reduce your "footprint", saving water and energy where you can. Attract birds and other wildlife into your yard by offering them food, water and shelter. Their appreciation will be revealed as their fear turns to trust. You'll be treated to moments of grace as you reach across the species divide to touch another life. One much shorter and more vulnerable than your own.

As I stated earlier: 'your true Self is rooted in the Natural world and linked to Nature's cycles. By periodically uncoupling yourself from the superficial world of devices, talking heads, money and things and spending more time steeped in the sensory world of nature, this deeper, quieter Self begins to come out of hiding. An infinite, even divine compassion becomes apparent, and it waits to be tapped, waits to inspire and enlighten you.

When you recognize Nature as Father, Mother, friend, partner and life long companion, you will never again feel alone.

PURPOSE

What is Your Purpose? - You may be among the many who feel it is not sufficient to just be happy, that one's happiness should in part arise from a sense of Purpose and I would agree with you. But it is also important to understand that once you commit to working on and building your own life and happiness, you immediately begin to positively effect those around you. In essence, you are already beginning to realize your purpose, just by focusing on self improvement. And learning to create Sustainable Happiness in your life provides the energy and inspiration you'll need to begin revealing and refining your talents. The talents you will call upon throughout the journey of exploration and purpose fulfillment that lies ahead.

For on that journey, many opportunities and challenges await and there will be many different paths you will be tempted to embark upon. And whether you choose to apply your talents to the world stage or just within your own family and community, the goodness will be of of equal value. Your main mission, indeed the mission of all people, is to make your life better and in the process, positively effect those around you, especially those you love. The actions that you undertake in the carrying out of that commitment, will go on to enhance the lives of many more people that you will never meet, and in ways you can barely imagine. This IS the purpose of your life and the journey of greater good that beckons you. It starts today with you, in your own home and in your own life!

What follows in this section of your Happiness Tree are the methods by which you'll manifest your calling. The skills and abilities you'll develop here will help you create happiness through sharing. Sharing art, experience, wisdom, understanding, growth and also helping others to define their purpose. In so doing, your efforts will reverberate across the globe, changing lives and transforming destinies.

PURPOSE / Creativity

What is creativity? It is the process of turning new, imaginative ideas into reality. It is characterized by the ability to perceive the world in new ways and make connections between seemingly unrelated phenomena. It involves two distinct processes: imagining and then producing. It is an activity that requires passion and energy, because very often, one needs to attempt different methods of reaching their goal, in essence to have the resilience to try and fail, maybe many times until success is realized.

Are you creative? Is the creative ability only randomly endowed to certain "special" people, or can anyone be creative? David Kelly, the founder of the design firm IDEO and a professor at Stanford University has observed that "people opt out of creativity after adulthood". "They stop thinking of themselves as creative". He believes that there is no such thing as "the creative type", that anyone can learn to be creative and they do so by being guided to attempt small challenges and building greater and greater confidence through their successes. Citing the work of Professor, Albert Bandura in a process called "Guided Mastery", he recalls that subjects are introduced to something that induces fear, such as a snake and that this fear can be lessened in small steps that may involve watching the snake, approaching it, then touching it with a glove and so on. Eventually, such a degree of comfort is attained that the subject may eventually be able to hold the snake in their lap. Once the fear of the snake dissipates, the subject is able to appreciate the beauty of the animal's pattern, form and texture.

Creativity also induces a fear similar to the phobia people may have regarding snakes, spiders or heights. This fear usually results from childhood experiences during which creative endeavors may have been attempted and subsequently criticized by a peer or worse, by a parent or teacher. The pain of this criticism then becomes internalized and forms a fear of failure or ridicule. A fear that can last a lifetime. However, even as an adult, when one is given the tools to express themselves and that expression receives positive feedback, this fear of failure begins to break down and a new creative energy is released. From that point forward, a person may begin to think of themselves as a creative individual and once that boundary is crossed, an inspirational flow begins that can be life-evolving!

Few of us however have access to a Guided Mastery program such as the one described above. It would be wonderful if Creativity 101 were taught in our schools from an early age. Imagine if it were, how many people who over the years have left the educational system, creatively blocked, might have been able to access novel channels of expression later in life and gone on to become artists, musicians, engineers and writers. But you don't need to wait for someone to guide you in this "baby-step" process of becoming acquainted with your creative side: you can be your own guide. Sure, it may be messy and feel uncomfortable at first, but with time and resilience, new confidences will build and new milestones will be reached. I can attest to this personally, having once immersed myself in a painting frenzy over several days as a form of therapy, during a difficult period in my adult life. What resulted was my rather sudden awareness of a latent talent which has since provided me many hours of enjoyment and pride.

Yes, art and fear are too often linked as fear is almost always associated with something new and different. This fear can cause us to avoid creative thinking or to worry that our creative endeavors will not receive the praise we hope for . But this doesn't have to be your fate. You CAN and should be creative, in all areas of your life and just know, that some days will be better than others and that's okay. Set small goals for yourself and don't be discouraged if they don't turn out perfectly the first or even the fifth time. Do the work and the inspiration will come. And once it does, you'll find yourself thinking creatively in novel areas of your life. In your relationships, your career and even the way you live. Creativity is, (with a few notable exceptions), a uniquely human trait. Embrace it and use it to your advantage. Trust me, it will bring new opportunities and joy beyond your wildest dreams, if you just hang in there and apply yourself.

PURPOSE / Creativity / Expression

So now we know what Creativity is and that anyone can become creative with a little effort. But why is creativity important? How does this quintessential Human trait help us and or those around us experience an enhanced life with more Happiness? The answer is: Creativity is how societies grow and evolve. It is the engine of expression and as a result, innovation. It is not merely a tool for the purpose of making art, it is also the passion behind science and technology, And expression is how Creativity is manifest in our lives.

We all have our own palette of feelings, experiences, knowledge, wisdom and skills and believe it or not, there is an audience out there, eager to learn all about what makes you unique. Expression is how you make yourself known. What is wonderful and amazing is how many different ways there are to make a statement. We often associate "expression" with the spoken word: as in "oh, that's just an expression", or "the child is learning to express what he wants". But expression can take on myriad forms that effect one or more senses in unique ways. Consider for example how different these forms of expression are from each other: singing, painting, bonsai, dance, poetry, sculpting, glassblowing, pottery, fountain making, building furniture, acting, playing an instrument, etc. The list of ways to express yourself are virtually endless and can involve combinations of modalities, exponentially increasing the potential pathways for making a statement or just enjoying involvement in the creative process.

But why should you discover ways to express yourself? The answer to that is where Expression, Contribution and Purpose are inexorably linked. First of all, remember, the overall theme of this writing is Happiness and those who make their creative juices known through expression report much higher levels of satisfaction with their lives. Research shows that creativity is linked to better job satisfaction, higher-quality leisure time, better relationships, more positive emotions, and improved overall health and well-being. But in addition to the personal benefits that Expression brings to the creative person, there is also the fact that it benefits society. That is the Contribution element. And through the two channels, (Expression and Contribution), you may discover where your Purpose lies or that indeed, you are already living it.

PURPOSE / Creativity / Contribution

If we can truthfully say, that no man or woman is an island, that they need the help and companionship of others to achieve their goals and live their lives to the fullest, than a logical progression would dictate that it is in fact your birthright to receive these contributions from others and it is also your responsibility to provide them. In so doing, you are fulfilling part of your Purpose. To express your skills, talents, ideas or wisdom, whether directly or indirectly, to an individual or to the world at large, contributes in some way to humanity, as long as that expression is not intentionally hurtful to others.

Imagine how different our world would be today, if the many individuals throughout history who have contributed to science, art, architecture, philosophy and music had never existed or had given in to the prevailing forces of their time. Forces that were attempting to stifle their exploration and expression. But, I can hear some of you already mumbling under your breath, "ah, but these were intellectual giants, special people, who were uniquely gifted" To that I would counter, that all the men and women who made great strides in the past were mere mortals, with flaws, problems and quirks, like all of us. But they placed great importance on the expression of their ideas and worked hard to see them come to fruition. A great imagination, passion, determination and perseverance are the fundamental qualities that define those who make a lasting contribution to humanity, not some elusive endowment from the cosmos. The next great Gandhi, Tolstoy, Darwin, Chopin or Monet might be out there right now. It might even be you!

How to Discover your Creative Abilities \- Because so many people sort of, one day find themselves living in an adult world, with responsibilities, problems and a frantic schedule, there often exists no opportunity to ease into the process of growing up. Therefore, their childhood imaginations are quickly left behind and play ceases to be a priority. Personal exploration and creative development is essentially put on hold and usurped by a new focus on family, work and finances. Chances are, if they were asked what they might like to make with their hands, they'd be dumbfounded. They can't imagine what might be the point of spending time with and for themselves in order to rediscover their creative passions. So, it needs to be emphasized:

It is essential to set time aside for creative exploration, if you are seeking meaning in your life, the Purpose of your existence.

In her book "Quiet, the Power of Introverts", Susan Cain points out the importance of solitude in the creative process. "When psychologists look at the lives of the most creative people, they find most have a serious streak of introversion in them". She further points out that the "new group think" in our schools, encourages team work over the development of individual problem solving skills, essentially forcing those who work better alone to become immersed in an over-stimulating environment which interrupts their normal thinking process. The great works of science, art and music were not created by committee, they were the product of one man or woman, spending many hours alone, calling upon the incredible powers of their mind to weave together strands of inspiration and ideas to manifest something entirely new.

With so many creative options, how can you decide where to focus your exploration? \- A very important question, because though people can and do become creative in many areas of their lives, they usually begin in one discipline or another. Let's presume you love flowers. When you walk in Nature, you're compelled to discover the scent of flowers you find along your path. Then a natural place for you to start is drawing and or painting your favorite blooms or experimenting with flower arranging. Say you're a more practical type and you appreciate sleek car designs, modern furniture or period style buildings. Start by snapping photographs of your favorites or clipping them from magazines. Study them to burn their subtle curves and lines into your memory. Trace those images and then add in different colors or shadows, perhaps placing them in novel environments, like a jungle or desert, full of dunes. Can you picture in your mind's eye what I am describing? Then you have just had a creative thought! Build on that. You never have to produce a masterpiece, that is not the goal. The important thing is what happens to your mind when you immerse yourself into the process of making things or solving problems. It gets you thinking in new, innovative ways about everything. Suddenly, you find yourself having many more ideas to call upon when seeking solutions and doing so with greater ease. In a way, the "idea mill has to be "kick started", after which it will develop it's own momentum.

Creation, or the development of something from an idea, requires experimentation and perhaps falling short of your goal many times before you achieve it. Along the way though, it is very likely that other discoveries will be made. Some of those may lead in a completely different direction than you originally planned. Many of history's great scientific discoveries were made when the individuals involved were trying to solve a different problem. Some examples include: the microwave oven, teflon, velcro, radioactivity and the development of penicillin

PURPOSE / Creativity / Achievement & Recognition

While so many parts of your Happiness Tree deal with issues of the Higher Self (Personal Development, Integrity, Selflessness), Achievement and Recognition are purely for the Ego. It is true that just being involved in the act of giving, creating, or self improving is rewarding in and of itself, but the reality is that, human motivation is also reward based. Of course we want to reach Achievement of our goal, to see our efforts result in success, but what's more, many of us would like to also receive Recognition or appreciation for those efforts, and there is nothing wrong with that. Society makes use of this innate desire for recognition by rewarding actions that define the higher aspirations of humanity, thereby, serving as an example for others to follow. When a soldier receives a medal of honor, a scientist, the Nobel prize, a film maker, the Golden Globe or a musician the Grammy, their name may go from one of relative obscurity to being world famous, over night. Whether it's personal pride, appreciation from family and friends or world wide fame you receive, achievement and recognition serve as twin motivators that help us overcome challenges, when the going gets rough.

The Canopy of Creativity

Expression, Contribution, Achievement and Recognition, live under the Creative Canopy of your Happiness Tree because they all result from solving problems. And creativity is primarily a problem solving activity. Whether the problem be which brush and paint stroke to use in the rendering of a flower, revealing a mathematical solution or figuring out how to avoid getting killed while saving a fellow soldier - all these problems require creative thinking and each stride made in the right direction brings with it, it's own unique type of Zen-like Happiness. During the creative process, all distractions disappear; the mind and body are fused into one synergistic beam of energy and obstacles seem suddenly more surmountable. Living in the "Creative Moment" may be when we are closest to a sense of Spirituality, because to be creative is to emulate the ultimate creator: Nature, God, the Universe, however you perceive it. The creative process is what has made our world the diverse and fascinating place that it is. Embrace it as your own and enter the fascinating and wonderful realm of ideas. Surrender to the magic of creation and allow it to direct your journey. With each new endeavor, your life and the way you view the world around you will be transformed.

PURPOSE / Generosity

Conventional thinking would suggest that generosity is a uniquely human trait. This concept is supported by the behavior of animals in the wild, where resources are scarce and much time and energy are expended in the pursuit of survival, generosity may indeed be rare. But, when resources are more abundant, as they often are in captivity, behavior which can only be called "generous" has been observed. In fact I have witnessed it myself:

In my 20s and 30s, I volunteered to care for injured and orphaned wildlife at various non-profit institutions. One day, I was assigned to feed fish from a bucket to two birds. The enclosure in which they were housed was large enough to allow me to enter and stand, as I attempted to distribute the food equally. The only problem was that one bird was a large pelican whose height exceeded the level of my waist and the other unfortunate fellow was a little gull. Each time I attempted to throw a fish in the direction of the gull, the pelican used his long bill to intercept it, mid-flight. Just as I was running out of fish and beyond frustrated by my less than egalitarian effort, the pelican did a most unexpected thing. He caught a fish with the tip of his bill and held it there for 5 seconds or so, during which he appeared to contemplate whether or not to swallow it. Suddenly, he tossed the fish directly to the gull in an act of undeniable generosity.

Now, to be sure, the pelican had his fill before he considered this magnanimous gesture, but regardless, the act itself indeed demonstrated to me that given the right circumstances even birds can exhibit generous behavior.

Researchers and people in general find it surprising that animals or even young children are capable of acting generously, because we presume it flies in the face of common sense. Why would one donate something of value to another, when so doing provides no obvious benefit to the donor? Many philosophers, economists and social scientists have supported some version of Darwin's theory of "Survival of the Fittest", suggesting that those who act in a selfish manner, outcompeting others for mates and resources are more likely to succeed and thereby, pass along their genes and or riches to the next generation. Machiavelli, in his famous treatise on power, "The Prince", promoted the notion that control over others is of such great importance that gaining it should be achieved by whatever means necessary. And certainly, when control over territory or resources is essential for survival, instinct would dictate that acting in one's own self interest should be the only logical course of action.

But recent research is opening our eyes to the fact that generosity is also hardwired into the brain's primitive circuits. Functional MRI scans of people engaged in acts of generosity shows increased activity in the areas of the brain that are also associated with sex, competition and survival. How can this be? New models for human behavior are now revealing that generosity actually feels good. It activates parts of the brain associated with reward by stimulating the production of oxytosin and dopamine, two hormones involved in feelings of pleasure. This suggests that acts of generosity are actually not in contradiction to survival but rather support it, by helping to strengthen social bonds and reciprocal behavior. Meaning if we are generous to those around us, perhaps they will in turn be generous with us, when events in our lives become overwhelming. Therefore, generosity not only benefits the recipients of our kindness, but may help us as well. And as such generosity, becomes an important part of our Sustainable Happiness strategy.

PURPOSE / Generosity / Forgiveness

One of the more difficult lessons I have had to learn in my life is that not all people act or respond in ways I can understand. As a young man, I embraced the naive notion that once I could decipher my own motivations, I would then have a "Rosetta Stone" for interpreting how others would think and react. But that naiveté turned to bitterness on more than several occasions when my expectations were dashed and I was completely sideswiped by the bad behavior of people I thought I knew. None of us completely escapes the bad behavior of others and each time it happens, we are left with a choice: to allow toxic anger to cast a pall over our lives or to find what there is to learn from the experience and move on. Of course the second option is preferable, but that is not to suggest it's easy, because it's not. Yet the alternative is to internalize others' unconscious or malicious actions and allow them to destroy our health and happiness. Whether we are able to admit it or not, much of the pain associated with betrayal arises from realizing our own past inability or unwillingness to recognize warning signs. We may project the anger outward, but inwardly, there is a war being waged between denial and concession. If we persist in denying our own naiveté or intentional blindness, then we will not gain from the important lessons that the experience has to teach us and we may be more likely to repeat it. On the other hand, if we can find the courage to recognize our part in allowing the the situation to get too far out of hand, we take the first important step toward Forgiveness. Forgiveness arises eventually when our emotional pain evolves into growth, self awareness and wisdom.

Now, by Forgiveness, I don't necessarily mean to exonerate others for their transgressions; that would also be naive. But rather I mean to let go of them.

Also, trying to understand the mindset of people who do bad or thoughtless things is counterproductive, your mind will be doing summersaults and may never arrive at a satisfactory answer. The most constructive strategies to adopt are the following:

a. Honestly evaluate your own conduct prior to any hurtful event. Did you contribute in any way to the reaction of the person(s) in question? If so, then you can partially excuse them for their response.

b. If you, in no way contributed to the event, then realize "you were not the target". I put that in quotations because it is a very valuable concept to embrace. People do bad things for many reasons and when their daggers point in our direction, it is easy and understandable to assume, it was in response to something we did, or were perceived to have done. Believe me when I tell you, that is all too often not the case. Read on to discover why.

"The abused sometimes become the abusers". This is the byproduct of being unable to Forgive. Some people's pain and bitterness goes so deep, that they begin to mistreat others in the very ways they were mistreated and they may be completely unaware of it. Another way that some people respond to past pain is to cause a preemptive rift in their relationships, before they can be hurt again. They become "shellshocked" in a way: expecting to be hurt by everyone, so to avoid falling victim, their distorted logic leads them to strike first. Furthermore, unable to accept who and what they have become, people damaged in this way, will often excuse their actions, by blaming them on you.

Forgiveness is something we do primarily for ourselves. It helps to remind us that each challenge provides us an opportunity to learn something about our own mind and humanity in general. But once in a while, forgiveness also leads to a miracle. When people are aware that their actions lack integrity or compassion for others, they expect us to become indignant, hateful and to lash out in revenge, as they might do. Unfortunately, so many live in a world of self-perpetuated drama and use these transgressions to get you to react, thereby whipping up another emotionally charged scene to feed their addiction. When you walk away and appear to be unaffected, that can sometimes send a shockwave of disbelief through the mind of a serial abuser. Your inner strength may inspire them to rise up from their destructive ways and live more thoughtfully. Though you may never be given credit for having changed their lives and though the example you set won't wipe away the hurt they caused you, by not engaging in a tit for tat exchange, the act of holding your head high and moving on keeps you from spiraling down into your own spate of bad behavior and creates a potential for you to serve as a beacon of integrity for others to follow and admire.

PURPOSE / Generosity / Patience

Being patient with others is a form of generosity and is also one of my biggest challenges. As such, I have studied it more carefully to understand the underpinnings of how patience, or the lack of it effects our lives and whether we learn or inherit our particular aptitude for patience. Scientific literature is unclear as to whether one genetically inherits patience from their parents or they acquire it throughout repeated observation Like most things, it's probably neither black nor white, but some shade of gray. I can say, for myself, I am inclined to behave in a very similar way to my father in certain situations. Having grown up in Los Angeles, California, where traffic jams wind like a luminous red snake for miles, along it's major highways, I spent thousands of hours with my family, cooped up in an automobile as my father frantically changed lanes and darted ahead of other drivers in an effort to gain a perceived advantage. Even as a child, I thought it was ridiculous, yet now, I find myself doing the same thing, when I get stuck in traffic, which I try to avoid like the plague. It makes me unpleasant to be around and only serves to raise my blood pressure, my heart rate and certainly, doesn't make me happier. So what is the cause for this counter-intuitive behavior?

My example would certainly suggest, that one's patience is to a great degree influenced by what they witness as children. But also, an individual's nervous system plays a major role in how well they tolerate waiting or being stuck in an unpleasant situation. That may be the inherited part. If you tend to be an "A" type personality, (which is characterized by competitiveness, urgency and feelings of hostility), you will have a harder time controlling your level of tolerance than most people. Your jumpiness and hyperactivity may have served your ancient ancestors well as hunters or warriors, making them more keenly aware of small changes in their environment and therefore better able to provide for and protect themselves. But in today's world, aggressiveness is neither appreciated nor valued and doesn't usually get us what we want anyway. Consequently, all that emotional energy is turned inward and does real damage to our mental and physical well being. So how can you increase your reservoir of patience?

Stress is probably the greatest contributor to undermining our patience and anything you can do to either eliminate the causes of your stress or to reduce their effect on you will help tremendously. Ways to reduce stress might include: changing jobs; leaving toxic relationships; cleaning up the clutter in your home or office; altering your work hours, to commute in lighter traffic; cutting back on coffee consumption; learning ways to promote better sleep, (see the discussion on Sleep in the Health section) and making sure your levels of Vitamin D and B12 are within normal ranges. Ways to cope better with the stress you have: regularly getting more fresh air and exercise; creating more personal time for fun or to finish nagging projects; finding ways to pursue your interests, through creativity, dance, or volunteering; do some journaling to reveal areas of unresolved emotions that may be making you feel anxious.

As for what Patience does to increase your Happiness, one of the most powerful benefits is the strengthening of the bonds with those closest to you. When your family, friends and coworkers sense that you are willing to listen, be more spontaneous and tolerant of change, the more relaxed they can be around you. In return, they may share more and be more supportive of you during your less than stellar moments. Additionally, when you feel impatient, It's easy to exaggerate the impact of a given circumstance, whipping up a serving of drama which arises through feelings of superiority, judgement or fear. In so doing, you may unwittingly create an "us and them" scenario, and begin viewing the world around you as made up of stupid, incompetent people, to whom you're unable to relate. Certainly stupidity and incompetence exist, but not all events that we find intolerable result from those factors. It is useful to remember that we cannot know what someone else is going through and how those challenges might impact their decisions or reactions. Therefore, empathy, (the ability to place ourselves in someone else's shoes), can help us to become more patient, breaking down the boundaries we place between ourselves and others. We all have different strengths and weaknesses as well as good and bad days. Remaining aware of that, slowing down, becoming more tolerant of other people and situations will improve your daily life, your health and may even help you live longer. Patience may be a virtue, but also making it a habit, will help you become more Generous and make your Happiness Tree more like a Willow than an Oak: able to bend rather than break when conditions are less than ideal.

PURPOSE / Generosity / Mentorship

It is easy to confuse Mentoring with other types of training, like teaching; counseling and coaching, but they are not the same. For example: Teachers increase your knowledge about a particular subject. Counselors form a short term relationship with their charges to help them cope with a certain set of problems. Coaches motivate and provide feedback on performance. But Mentorship is built on a mutual trust that creates a broad based exchange of ideas and skills for getting the most out of life. A Mentor doesn't assume any authority over his protégé, and may gain as much or more from the relationship that ensues, because the process of helping to guide another human being compels him to mine his own life experience, revealing underlying wisdom which he then shares with those he is mentoring. .

The following story will illustrate the mutuality of a mentoring relationship and the rich rewards it can create for the individuals involved.

Andy was a late bloomer. He and his mother lived alone in the suburbs. Andy was raised as an only child, because his father and sister were killed in an automobile accident just before he was born. Being protective of his mother and coping with the loss of the father he never knew held Andy back socially and scholastically. After spinning his wheels at different dead end jobs, he decided he needed a career, so he settled on Biology, as he had always held an interest in Nature. He was excited to start his journey at the local Junior College but soon found the coursework to be difficult and boring, making him unable to focus on his homework or do well on tests. The teacher suggested that maybe this wasn't the right field of study for him. "Perhaps a trade, like plumbing or electrical would be a better choice for you", he told Andy.

Disappointed and discouraged, Andy was about to quit the program when he saw a poster in the cafeteria, inviting students to consider learning Ornithology, (the study of birds). He remembered how much his grandmother loved birds and because of her, he could already identify many of the local varieties, so this class seemed like it would be a good fit and he signed up. Andy had no idea how his life was about to change.

On the first day of class, Andy found the teacher preparing a slideshow. On the chalkboard was written the teacher's name "Monte". When the slideshow began and Monte started describing the habits and natural history of these beautiful creatures, Andy was hooked. After class, he introduced himself to the teacher and began a conversation. Monte was struck by Andy's enthusiasm and invited him to his home, where he cared for injured Eagles and Hawks.

Monte had a large home on several acres that was way out in the country, Andy had never ventured that far out of town before. When he arrived and saw the brilliant, majestic Raptors, he was transfixed. They appeared to look right through him and watched his every move. Andy felt an immediate connection to them and the great work that Monte was doing. Over the course of the next year, Monte trained Andy to work along side him and they began a wonderful friendship. Andy discovered that Monte had been a Biologist all of his working life and had earned a doctorate in Raptor biology which opened opportunities to travel the world as a consultant and author. Andy could now imagine an exciting life for himself once he finished his education. This was the inspiration Andy needed to find his passion. It wouldn't be long before he graduated the program with honors.

Andy never knew his father and Monte, being about 25 years older than Andy could see that he needed some guidance. In the course of their work together, Monte began revealing stories about his past achievements, disappointments, gains and losses, helping Andy to see that even brilliant people make mistakes. Monte explained that his focus on work and success had left no room for a personal life and though he was lonely at times, it would be difficult to now rebuild his life around someone else. He implored Andy to seek a life of balance, between work, relationships and personal goals. "I know you love these birds, but don't follow my example" Monte said. "Find a girl, settle down and build a life together. Work should be something you enjoy, but it must be kept in perspective. The years go by so fast and if you don't find love when you're young, it will become much harder later on".

Andy began his Masters program at the University and it was there that he met Meghan. They had so much in common that a relationship soon blossomed between them. Meghan's parents loved Andy and they often traveled together. No longer did Andy and his Mom spend holidays alone, now they were welcomed to join Meghan's family and his life became so much more full. Inspired by Monte, Andy majored in Ornithology and graduated early. Andy would lead Monte's class when he had to leave town and he also continued caring for the Raptors at Monte's home. Eventually Andy and Meghan got married. Monte was his best man and looked on proudly at how beautifully Andy had matured and how happy he was. It was on that day that Monte met Andy's mother for the first time. "Monte, I've heard so much about you and the great work that you and Andy are doing together. I so appreciate the guidance you've provided Andy. He is so much happier now that he has a passion and a sense of who he is". She asked Monte to sit with her at the reception. They talked, laughed and cried together and from that day forward, they were inseparable. After about a year of dating, Monte asked Andy's mom to get married. And though it was some 30 years too late, Monte became like the father that Andy never had. All of them now had a much brighter future, because Monte was willing to reach across the generation gap and be a mentor to a young man in need of direction .

Not all Mentoring relationships need to be long term or are as life altering as the one described above. You may be a "Momentary Mentor", spontaneously offering help, insight or even serving as an example to follow. But either way, when an opportunity arises to open up and share one's life experience with another, miracles can and do happen.

The Generosity Canopy

As you can see, Generosity involves more than just giving of one's time and money, it represents a cluster of behaviors or habits that tap into our higher consciousness and strengthen the bonds between ourselves and those around us. Imagine if everyone in our complex world practiced simple acts of generosity, how much more pleasant and functional our daily lives could be. And one of the wonderful qualities of generosity is that it's contagious. If you're forgiving, patient and willing to share with those you encounter in the course of your day, they are more likely to be generous to others. Therefore, the effect is synergistic. Let's presume that you wake up, step outside your door and have generous encounters with 20 people throughout the course of your day. Now, each of those 20 people will then pass those good feelings on to 20 other people and so on. Can you see how quickly little acts of kindness begin to really add up? If that cycle is extrapolated just four times, you alone could begin effectively influencing the happiness of 160,000 people. That's happiness to the power of infinity! And it is entirely possible that just by waving another driver to pull ahead of you; helping an elderly person unload their groceries; forgiving a past disagreement with a friend, or offering a little wisdom to someone down on their luck, you can positively affect a crowd of people, equivalent to size of a small town. Forgiveness, Patience and Mentorship are virtues that enrich your life and that of those around you, strengthening bonds between friends, families and communities. Generosity is the simplest and fastest way to create, spread and receive Happiness and a habit worth cultivating for a healthier Happiness Tree.

PURPOSE / Self Mastery

First a little background - If you've been kicking around the planet as long as I have, you may remember the "Pop Psychology" movement of the 1960's and 70's, a kind of collective interest in our environment, the raising of human consciousness and how they might work together to change the world. Due to a "Perfect Storm" of prevailing social and political conditions, it soon became a generational obsession. Hunger for novel and ancient wisdom regarding our relationship to Self, the human community, the planet and the universe gave rise to countless publications on the inner workings of the mind and eventually, a whole new category of intellectual pursuit: "Self Improvement". Psychologists like Carl Rogers, B.F. Skinner, Carl Jung and Abraham Maslow began questioning Freud's previously accepted and rather negative views on human nature by countering with the novel concept that each of us could actually determine our own destiny, that we could alter the course of our lives by connecting with a universal wisdom and thereby discover the reason for our existence and the journey or life plan that was uniquely our own.

Having been born and raised in California and spending my youth in what I later discovered was the epicenter of this movement, I thought that everyone in the country was experiencing a similar epiphany. But when the pot smoke cleared, I learned that a majority of the nation, which still held traditional values, viewed California as a cesspool of self-absorbed, naval gazing hippies and liberals that were systematically undermining the important cultural and religious ideals that they held dear. Yet though they may have eschewed the images and music inspired by the movement, they nonetheless were effected by it. Consider Rachael Carson's publication of "Silent Spring", the subsequent banning of DDT in the U.S., the creation of the Environmental Protection Agency; the first Earth Day celebration; the passing of the Clean Water Act; the ozone hole discovered over the Antarctic and the subsequent banning of CFCs; widespread use of and experimentation with marijuana, LSD and other so-called "psychedelic' drugs, as well as the creation and marketing of the birth control pill.

That was additionally a time of tremendous violence, social unrest, war and political savagery, but looking back, it now also seems like a much simpler time. For decades now, the world's focus on social and self improvement has been smothered by a cascade of perpetual economic, military and political threats. And in spite of the flow of public and private resources being allocated to address these issues, there exists a collective post traumatic stress, a palpable tension in the lives of people from all walks of life. It's as if everyone is aware of what's going on, but feels powerless to do anything about it.

As a young adult in the 70's, I could never have imagined a day when we would barely notice news of another school shooting or a deadly terrorist attack. Is it not time once again to look carefully and deeply at where we are headed as individuals and as a society? To drill down through the headlines, the sound bytes and the images to understand how we got to where we are and perhaps where we are headed. The incredible ability of the human psyche to adapt is a double-edged sword. Certainly, it provides us the ability to survive when circumstances suddenly turn against us, but it also allows us to become complacent when troubling personal and social trends slowly spiral out of control. How often do you wonder if the human race is living up to it's potential. Are you living up to yours? If not, then how might you expect things to get better? This is not a judgement, but rather a reminder that improvement in anything is only made when people individually and collectively take inventory of their trajectory and readjust their course.

But let's step back to get some perspective. The fact is that human history has been plagued by conflict, disease, oppression, political excesses and discrimination since we began living together in societies, some ten-thousand years ago. Every generation has felt that their world is going to the dogs and that civilization's future is in jeopardy. That is not to diminish the horrific acts of barbarism now occurring daily throughout the world, but none of this is really new. What seems new is that the sword of evil and hatred is now being pointed at different groups. Groups that have enjoyed a relatively serene existence since WWII. The "Western world", with all it's military might, has discovered it's "Achilles heel", through the new portals of freedom that it created. Portals that are now very difficult to selectively restrict. Namely: easy access to weapons, cheap and rapid global travel and the world wide web.

So as with the young "baby boomers" of half a century ago, we are now faced with a world that seems out of control. And as the "Enlightenment Era" taught us: we can either allow these events to achieve their goal of beating down hope and personal achievement or we can step back and return once again to the timeless realm of the Mind. But rather than trying to access higher consciousness through elicit drugs or a monastic life in an ashram, we now know that each of us can connect to our better nature through creative endeavors that unleash the power of our inner wisdom. We can learn about and practice balance, integrity, self compassion, empathy and generosity.

By embracing life-long learning, we commit to becoming more aware of our own physical and emotional health and the effect our attitudes and actions have on others. At it's best, I believe the take away message for all of us from the transformative 60s and 70s is: when the world around you is chaotic and senseless, there is always another perhaps more profound reality that exists before and below all of that, to which you can and should return: your inner life, the untrammeled core of your being. Many years after Donovan released his song, "The Hurdy Gurdy Man", in May of 1968, he admitted to having left out a verse written by George Harrison which I think helps to encapsulate the wisdom of that age. A message which is at once old and yet, forever new again:

"When the truth gets buried deep

Beneath the Thousand Years Asleep

Time Demands a Turnaround

And once again the truth is found

Don't allow yourself to remain ignorant or complacent about events occurring to you and all around you. Rather, increase your awareness and double down on your efforts to make a difference in the ways most accessible to you. For most people, that will be within the sphere of their own lives and relationships. That may seem insignificant relative to the vastness of world issues, but harken back to the message of that liberated age, before free love wasn't free anymore, before the hippies cut their hair and became entrepreneurs, before the sweet smell of marijuana disappeared from dark corners, where chatty potheads munched brownies discussed solutions to the world's problems: Self Realization or what we more clearly define here as Self Mastery, is where any social revolution must begin. Become an example of that which you envision for the world and in so doing, you will be in an elite group of enlightened souls, actually seeking and fulfilling their purpose.

PURPOSE / Self Mastery / Learning and Growth

Growth is an essential part of a purposeful life. Certainly, physical growth happens automatically, as long as one stays healthy throughout their teen years. But intellectual and emotional growth is not guaranteed. They both result from learning. In the case of intellectual growth, that learning will probably be self-directed, as in you deciding to follow a particular course of study or planning a trip abroad to discover how people in a distant land my live differently than you do. But emotional growth usually results from what happens to us. From the time we are born, we are subject to the capricious whims of life and we cannot, even in our wildest dreams, imagine what the future has in store for us. If we perceive an event in our lives as welcome and positive, we feel happiness for a while, but it doesn't do much to expand our emotional quotient. But when our aspirations are crushed, our hopes denied or our expectations eviscerated and we are forced to find the strength or even the reason to go on. That is when real growth happens. We must evolve into something, some one greater than who we perceive ourselves to be, if we are to survive. This is what the French call "la petite mort" (the little death). A small part of you dies and is left behind, so that you can build on what remains and continue into the future.

Those who are resilient will recover and go on and learn from the experience. Those who do not recover may remain stuck, replaying the pain of their earlier lives forever, unable to move beyond it, unable to grow. And this is the real tragedy, because growth begets maturity and maturity is the bridge to "Self Mastery". And reaching Mastery is the penultimate goal of our existence. It is where fleeting Happiness blossoms into Joy. Joy because you finally know yourself. You're no longer dependent upon the approval of others. You can set goals for yourself and know they'll be achieved, because you're in charge and you have confidence in your abilities. Fear of the unknown subsides, challenges appear surmountable and everything seems possible. But the road to this high plateau can be long and arduous. Very few will actually reach it. I would like you to be one who does. Read on to discover how.

For young adults, "experience is the best teacher" - This well worn phrase cannot be overstated. Educational institutions, such as colleges and universities can impart knowledge to you, but wisdom and emotional growth is only gained through living. For those of you in your 20's, 30's and even 40's who are finding life difficult, confusing and disappointing, I can tell you from personal experience, it does get better. Part of your frustration arises from the fact that you still need to learn about yourself, what you're capable of, what's important to you, how to control your impulses and what you can and cannot expect from others. Additionally, you are being pulled in so many different directions: work, family and personal needs seem to be in conflict with each other. There is not enough time in the day to accomplish all that needs to be done, in part because you have not yet learned how to manage your schedule. Yet society depends on young and middle aged people to drive the economy, carry the heavy workload, raise the families, buy the cars, houses and children's goods. Why? Because you have the energy and the stamina to pull it off. So there is a lot riding on your shoulders and many collapse under the strain. Suicide and mental illness are epidemic among people in these age groups, as the pressure to conform and fulfill expectations overrides their capacity adapt.

Adult life can be plagued by fear and impulsiveness - Fear, because there is a sense that we are running out of time. The immature response to this is to leap for what seems to be missing and all to often, this results in us losing what we already have. This is what we might call the "Midlife Crisis". You may have the sense that life has not delivered on it's promises and you feel trapped. You may find yourself lost and lacking a foundation. Maybe you bolted from the compounding responsibilities of marriage and family and attempted a fresh start with someone new and it didn't turn out the way you expected. Or maybe you sense a storm building inside you and you don't know how you're going to find relief. Don't be too hard on yourself, this is a normal transition. Throughout our adolescent and young adult years, we imagine how our lives will turn out. When the reality of midlife doesn't meet our expectations, we begin to panic and feel that the clock is ticking and that our dreams are not yet within reach. At this juncture, we are likely to make choices based more on emotion than logic and very often decisions made in this way have unpredictable consequences. But the truth is, often the only way we learn is through trial and error. Regardless, you'll have to make an assessment of your life, as it is, learn from your mistakes get back on a firm footing. Most importantly, don't abdicate control of your future to fate and don't just bury your anxiety. Your inner wisdom is trying to tell you something and you need to listen.

As we learned in previous chapters, this "inner wisdom" doesn't speak to you in words. More often than not, it communicates to us through feelings and those feelings can sometimes be difficult to interpret. This is when you need to force yourself to slow down and get out pencil and paper. Make a schematic of your life which illustrates your relationships, needs, desires, responsibilities, hopes and dreams. Make notations where you see conflicts or blockages, where partnerships may be in trouble or holding you back. What hopefully will emerge from this exercise is the source of your angst. You're literally converting those feelings into tangible connections that you can see. This should help you decide on a course of action based on facts, rather than reacting to a confusing set of circumstances and hurting yourself or others in the process.

The second half-century of life is often about reflection and redirection - As life slows down, you may stand in awe of all you've accomplished and wonder how you survived. If you had kids and your parenting journey was successful, they will be off starting their own lives. If you're still married, your relationship may have thrived or crumbled under the strain. Or maybe you're now looking at each other and wondering what's next. That can be a tangled conundrum to work through and there are no easy answers. It's life's cruel trick. Your early adult years were like a baptism by fire. You played your part in moving society along, but it changed each of you in different ways. You may suddenly see your husband or wife as a stranger, and if that is the case, you have a difficult decision to make. Leaving may either devastate or liberate your partner, depending on how dependent they are on the relationship. Staying, may cause you to sacrifice your own happiness to avoid a painful division. One path seems selfish, the other feels like martyrdom. This is when the value of maturity become most evident. You need time to work through your feelings and options. No one else can provide you satisfactory advice. You have to weigh the advantages and disadvantages of every move. And counterintuitively, the best method for getting clarity during this unsettling time is to surround yourself with activities you enjoy. To place yourself "in the zone", where distractions disappear and inner wisdom can bubble up from the core of your being.

Very often, this half century mark is about finding balance. Your earlier life may have been one of fulfilling responsibilities, doing what was expected and achieving goals. You may find yourself reflecting on those years and feeling that your own life never really took flight. Then balance for you may be defined as letting go a little. Travel, take up a hobby you never allowed time for in the past, reevaluate your financial obligations and realign them to allow more resources to be funneled into fun activities and new experiences. If however, your early and midlife were more self indulgent, you may feel you missed out on some of the more conventional aspects of adulthood. You may suddenly start feeling alone, lamenting the fact that you have no family to call your own and no one who cares about you. This then is a perfect time to consider finding a partner. But take your time, don't rush in. You are beginning a new phase and you'll have to learn how to navigate, through trial and error. Whichever path you follow, the road may be rocky at first, but ultimately, you may find, as I have, that maturity has endowed you with greater patience, a more elevated point from which to view the journey ahead and a deeper self knowledge. Slow down, tap into that reservoir of maturity to reflect, reassess and redirect your life. Remember, the goal is to create balance. Balance not only in the moment, but also with respect to the breadth of your life experience.

Whatever your age and whatever is going on, creativity is an essential coping mechanism. If you're like I was in my young adult years, you're a live wire looking for a ground, darting in all directions. You need an activity that gathers all that energy and focuses it into one concentrated beam of creativity. The moments engaged in that activity will hold your life together when everything around you seems to be pulling it apart. The boss is mad at you, the spouse is demanding, the kids are getting on your nerves. You're doing your best and still it's not enough. With so many competing forces tugging at you, how can your life be anything but chaotic? That's what it is to be living in a modern society. No one tells you, no one prepares you, you're just carried by the river of societal and familial expectations into the meat grinder and now here you are. The only way to cope, while maintaining all of your responsibilities is to pull back, take time to develop your own internal life. This may take many forms: writing, woodworking, creating art, learning a language, volunteering for your favorite cause, photography, whatever. It may be difficult to find the time for these activities, but doing so must become a priority. Be prepared for others to criticize or demean you as being selfish or not attending to their needs, but trust me, you'll be a better spouse, parent, employee and friend if you develop and remain rooted in your own inner life.

Self Mastery develops through commitment, focus and flexibility. The key to success in any area of your life is to devote more time to learning and contemplation, (time to digest and assimilate what you've learned).. View your life as an ongoing experiment and take calculated risks to discover more about yourself and the world around you. With this optimistic view, even when life becomes challenging, you'll come to see those challenges as a necessary passage in your evolution. This attitude will also support patience and help you to stay grounded in activities that inspire and nourish you, even in difficult times. Eventually, you'll experience a feeling of being "in the flow", a sense that you're right where you belong, buoyed by a creative process of your own making. This is a sign that you're heading in the direction of Self-Mastery.

Purpose / Self Mastery / Adapting

The immature person is guided mostly by their ego and the need to assert his or her dominance over others. Immature men may desire to appear physically imposing or to intimidate through aggression. Immature women, use sexual allure and manipulation to gain an advantage. And these methods of getting one's needs met by controlling others may last well into their adult years. But if and when maturity finally arrives, recognition that true success and integrity does not arise from the abuse of others, but rather by digging down to discover our own inner strength and resourcefulness and manifesting that into something meaningful. This adaptation involves evolution on the following levels:

Attitudes \- Proper attitude takes a broader perspective and as a result, one is less likely to feel victimized when unfortunate things occur. Things happen and people may act out in thoughtless or even cruel ways, but a wider lens helps us see that it's not always personal. Yet, if bad behavior is intentionally directed at us, perhaps there is a lesson to be learned - either we need to surround ourselves with higher quality individuals or our actions have struck a nerve for some reason, prompting an angry reaction. Replacing an attitude of victimhood with one of seeking understanding helps to reveal the truth and points us in the direction of solving problems rather than creating or perpetuating them.

Values \- Simply put, "treat others the way you would like to be treated". This tattered old axiom may sound cliche, but it's wisdom cannot be overstated. Keep this principle in your back pocket and allow it to inspire and guide your interactions with others. The world will respond with a smile and fresh opportunities.

Responsibility \- Rights come with Responsibility. You live in a house or apartment, you must maintain it and pay for it. If you have a spouse and or children, you must care for and keep them from harm. If you have a job, you are expected to show up on time and perform. At the very least, you have a responsibility to care for your own physical and emotional well being. A functional, reciprocal life is built on responsibilities. One of the values you should embrace is to see your responsibilities more as life sustaining activities rather than chores or menial tasks. Learning efficient ways to perform your responsibilities with joy rather than bitterness, is part of living an artful life. Be creative!

Change \- Change is part of life in our ever evolving world. Change may occur on a social plane, physical or environmental and having a rich internal life, with passions, relationships, activities, goals and intellectual pursuits helps you remain grounded as life changes all around you. Change may occur suddenly or slowly. Some changes we can control, while others, we must just accept. Having the skill and wisdom to adapt either way is a hallmark of maturity and one of the pillars of a sustainably happy life.

The Self Mastery Canopy

What Self Mastery is and Why it is Important - If we were to visualize Self Mastery in terms of a tree, this tree would have deep roots, a strong trunk, a balanced structure with a rich, beautiful foliage that supports all types of living things. We see trees all the time, in our neighborhoods or on our travels, some are emaciated and barely alive, while others seem to command veneration. The healthiest trees completely occupy the land upon which they rest, providing shade and nourishment to the natural community around them. We might say a tree like this is "living it's true purpose". The life of a Master is similar to a beautiful tree, secure in their niche, certain of their place in the world, extending their life force in many directions, but still firmly grounded. Quiet, never pretentious, projecting a silent wisdom that creates a lasting impression.

But Masters, like majestic trees do not just appear over night. A tree's beauty develops in spite of or maybe because of the many rainstorms, droughts, lightning strikes and pests that besiege it. And Mastery of your life will not just develop, you must stake out your place in the world, occupy it fully and be willing to defend your right to exist with all the determination you can muster. When you know your worth, when you live by an unshakable principle of integrity, when you tap the sacred ground for wisdom and live by it's nectar, when you have the confidence to reach for the sky, when you love freedom and embrace life with passion, in spite of all it's mysteries and flaws, you will be a Master. And Self Mastery, like a majestic tree is a beautiful thing to behold.

The Elements of Self Mastery

Acceptance and Realism: Masters are people who seek realistic perceptions and expectations of themselves, others and the world around them. They accept who they are in the present moment, but always look for opportunities to improve.

Solution Focused: Masters understand that when life presents a problem, a solution already exists, it just has to be revealed. They realize the best solution to a problem is to avoid creating one in the first place. Yet when challenges do arise, they are met head on and viewed optimistically as an opportunity to apply all of one's intellectual tools and talents. And by so doing, growth results.

Integrity: Based on the Latin adjective, Integer, meaning whole, or complete, it is assumed that one with integrity has developed a framework of values and beliefs and that he or she acts in accord with that framework. That framework often begins with the "Golden Rule": "treat others as you would like to be treated". Integrity is the antithesis of hypocrisy. Integrity is one of the hallmarks of Self Mastery, as to achieve it, the Master is continually examining his or her mind for conflicting values. and if found, they are compelled to alter their beliefs and behaviors to maintain consistency. Masters are those upon whom others can place their trust, because it is understood that their core beliefs prohibit them from acting in a way that is dishonest or cruel. Furthermore, because Masters build their lives around an integrated framework, they increasingly detest association with those whom lack integrity. Therefore, Masters are much more likely to maintain a small network of trusted friends that hold similar values and thereby limit their exposure to relationships or situations that threaten to challenge their sense of righteousness.

Spontaneity: Masters are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and flexible in their outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional. Masters rarely hold rigid views on religion politics science or human nature. They understand that remaining open to new ideas and avenues of perspective, helps them to expand their mind and continually refine their search for truth.

Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristic of Masters is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others these individuals need time to focus on realizing their own potential. Masters are more likely to develop abilities in the arts, writing, science, technology or history, either as a profession or hobby, as they value personal enrichment and expression.

Continued Freshness and Appreciation: Masters tend to view the world with a sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. As their lives tend to be more well-organized and manageable, Masters have time and the intellectual capacity to enjoy simple pleasures and find inspiration in the little miracles that others miss.

Peak Experiences: Masters often have what Abraham Maslow termed "Peak Experiences", or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy. What might also be defined as "Being in the Zone". They are able to be fully present in their activities, focusing as much on the process as the result.

The Canopy of Purpose

Most individuals, (myself included for many years), start out expecting to discover their purpose and the source of their happiness by looking to others. And it's not entirely irrational to seek feedback and approval from others as a means of developing a self image, for, as children, we are completely dependent upon our parents to serve as an example of how to think, speak and behave. At some point though, as our lives develop and we are increasingly forced to seek our own counsel, that wisdom can be found from within, but no one tells us that and it's not clear when or how that should happen.

Let's be honest, being human is difficult. One could say that animals have it tough, needing to find food and raise young while at the mercy of the elements and predation and that is true, but their course is set. Instinct dictates to them what to do and when to do it. There is no ambiguity or self doubt, no questioning about whether they are on the right path. A sense of purpose or their level of happiness doesn't enter the equation, as far as we know. But for humans, along with all the complexities of survival and procreation, we have a consciousness and it refuses to be ignored. We need to find emotional fulfillment in our activities and our lives. We need to create and build loving, reciprocal relationships and perhaps, most of all, what sets us apart from our wild brethren, is that each of us needs to discover what makes us unique. Unlike a lion on the Serengeti, who's sole purpose in life is to find prey, eat, defend territory, mate, pass along genes, sleep and do it all over again the next day, we need to feel a connection with and a passion for the people and activities in our sphere. We have a desire for personal expression and are aware of how our behavior and appearance effects the way others relate to us. It's a lot to sort through and organize and that is, in large part, why we have such a large and well developed brain.

It's no wonder then that discovering what's important to us, finding Purpose and Sustainable Happiness seems like such a daunting task. With the onslaught of details in our busy lives, there is not much room for reflection and introspection. Additionally and sadly, we are not given the tools to build emotional intelligence or to define and create personal satisfaction for ourselves. Each individual has to, in essence, create their own unique paradigm and attempting to do so in the absence of a strategy is like sending a rocket careening into outer space and hoping it magically lands on a planet. Each of us needs a plan and that plan begins with you learning about and mastering yourself as a primary goal. Because Self Mastery is an entirely "self-driven" process. We can't look to or expect anyone to do it for us. Regardless of your age or how many years of disappointments lay behind you, it's never too late to begin this journey. Success in any arena is more assured when we have self knowledge and self control. Applying that principle to every moment and every day of your life will put you on the right trajectory toward Self Mastery. Embrace the attainment of Self Mastery as your personal constitution. Check in with yourself several times a year to determine if you've drifted off course and if so, reboot and refresh, get back on track. Your personal path to Purposeful Living and Sustainable Happiness awaits. All you need to do is commit to taking the journey.

Bringing it all Together

How to Live Well and Find Happiness at Any Age

Adolescent -In all honesty, I was probably a typical teenager, totally confusing and frustrating to my own parents as I tried to adjust to the discomfort of my evolving body, mind and social circle. I certainly cannot say that it was a happy time, as I associate my happiness with having some control over my inner and outer life and adolescence definitely feels like the antithesis of that. But there were stellar moments to be sure: my first kiss, my first car, my first paycheck. But that was against the backdrop of all the angst we usually associate with the teenage years, pimples, braces and broken hearts. And having been a parent of teenagers, I can tell you, those years are difficult for everyone involved. It's easy to blame the kids for being messy, moody and mean, but to some degree, it's not their fault. Let's take a look at the facts.

Generally speaking, physiological growth in the human body terminates somewhere around 18-21 years of age, but the brain is still a work in progress. Specifically the frontal lobes of the brain which control executive functions like planning, reasoning and impulse control may not be fully formed or integrated until sometime during the third decade of life. Yes, the 30's! This varies of course between individuals, with signs of intelligent life sometimes appearing in the twenties. But for all intents and purposes, the poor adolescent is experiencing rapid changes in his or her body and life, yet the brain is not keeping pace and this sets the stage for all kinds of havoc. The onset of new hormones also cause rapid and sweeping changes. And when social, cerebral and hormonal revolutions collide, the results can be devastating. Many teens turn inward during this time, especially when they feel misunderstood or bullied by their peers. They are unable or unwilling to confide in their parents and so they all too often withdraw into a dark, hopeless and lonely world which carries them inexorably toward one unthinkable solution: suicide. This process alone is a subject that deserves it's own deep analysis, which is beyond the scope of this writing. Suffice it to say, being a teen and raising a teen are equally difficult.

If you're a parent or guardian of a teen \- Your responsibilities include watching for signs of despair and withdrawal, then taking immediate action if the appear. Yes, sullenness and reduced communication are almost synonymous with adolescence, but there is a threshold beyond which it becomes a sign of a toxic downward spiral and as a parent, you must do your best to stay in touch with their inner lives and take evasive measures when and if it becomes necessary.

To get through these difficult years, you have to develop a thick skin and hang on. Try to manage the dramas as much as possible and keep your head above the fray. Reasoning with an adolescent can seem like a waste of breath, and it may be - as there is no place for your admonitions to go. That file has not been created yet in their still evolving brain. Failing that, allowing anger and frustration to overtake you, will only serve to drive a wedge between you and your child. While they may not remember what you told them, they will remember being fearful or resentful of you. So don't get sucked in to the vortex: try to keep your cool and just hunker down for the ride. If communication is suddenly broken; continue finding creative ways to inspire better behavior; you must maintain pressure on them to take responsibility for their personal hygiene, sharing in family chores and keeping the mess in their room to a manageable level, if you intend to preserve your sanity. You must resist the temptation to become their friend, as your parental effectiveness will be irreversibly diminished by doing so. And finally, do not try to make up for circumstances in their lives over which you have no control by spoiling them. To become functional adults of character, teens must learn that everyone is dealt a different set of cards and one's fate is not determined by how lucky they are, but rather how well they adapt to the circumstances they have. Providing too much during their formative years denies them this important lesson. While satisfying all their material desires may feel like an act of love to you, it will undoubtedly delay the development of their inner strength until some time in their adult years, when they are already overwhelmed by life's inevitable challenges.

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If you are a teen, feeling hopeless and lost, angry and confused - you're not alone. Everyone has had to pass through this phase of their lives and it's always difficult, so don't blame yourself or feel there is something wrong with you. What does make adolescence different today from perhaps 30 years ago, is that more kids grow up in a home with one parent, or split between the two. This may seem unfortunate and unfair, but I can tell you, having lived in an intact home, where both my parents were fighting all the time, that may be worse. Your parents, like all people, deserve a chance to be happy. Of course they still have a responsibility to take care of you until you're 18, but one day, you'll leave home and strike out on your own - when that happens, they need to be able to develop a full satisfying life of their own. For now, if you're lucky enough to have a Mom and a Dad in your life, just be happy that at least you have the chance to spend quality time with each parent individually and get to know them as a person, rather than just as parental units.

Also, you may be feeling disappointed. As a child, you looked up to your parents, respected and admired them and now, that you're a bit older, with a different perspective, you see their faults and you feel let down. It's normal, but don't judge them too harshly. That disappointment you feel is really just the veil of "perfection" being lifted from your eyes. Do you really think it gets less difficult as you get older? Can you imagine trying to raise one or more children, while juggling relationships, finances, your own aging parents; watching time and stress taking it's toll on your body and appearance? It's not easy! Remember, they were once teenagers too, with an idealistic vision of how wonderful their lives would be, when they finally escaped and started their own lives. Then, once they had to fend for themselves, they may have better understood the challenges faced by their parents. You too may come to this realization one day.

But let's come back to the present. Part of the reason your parents may become so frustrated with you is that you're "self focused". It's normal, that's part of being a kid. Even if you don't realize it, you're still pretty much dependent upon everyone around you to survive. And you get your needs met now the same way you did as a young child, by complaining and acting out. But your parents are tired. They've been taking care of you for however many years and they're ready for you to take more responsibility for yourself and your family. Clean up your room, wash your dishes, put some effort into being a better student, help with your younger siblings, if you have them, put yourself in your parents' shoes now and then and try to find some compassion. These things are all good training for you and will help you to become a better person. You want to grow up? You want to be an adult? Fine. Then you need to learn that much of life is composed of repetitive, but important tasks that support your existence. The challenge is to find ways to make those tasks more interesting and to do them in an efficient, organized manor, so you can get on with the rest of your life sooner. Believe it or not, taking better care of yourself and your home will start to feel good. You'll begin to realize what an important contribution you can make. You'll discover the freedom that arises from having a clean, organized bedroom, you'll gain the admiration and appreciation of your parents as you demonstrate what you're really capable of.

As far as your personal life goes, I know it seems your friendships and romances are terribly important, but they all will pass. The friends you have now will most likely move or drift away as their they get older and their lives evolve and become more complicated. The boyfriends or girlfriends that pass in and out of your life are a necessary part of learning how to love and what human qualities are important to you. They are preparing you to someday commit yourself to one other person which can be a difficult or but hopefully rewarding commitment. The degree to which your future relationships are a success will depend on what useful lessons you take away from these formative years. So you'll need to get knocked around and bruised a bit when you're young in order to learn how to make better choices as an adult.

The best way to get through these years, when you're no longer a kid, but not yet an adult is to stay busy. Get involved in a variety of activities that interest you, in order to discover your passions and aptitudes. This is a time for experimentation and fun for sure, but it is also a critical time for preparation. Soon you'll be driving, if you aren't already and you'll need a job to pay for your car, gas, insurance and going out. Eventually, you'll get an apartment of your own and before you know it, you'll be independent. This all happens so fast and unless you begin planning now, you may find yourself stuck in a job you've grown to hate, living on credit, spending all your money just to survive and with no plan for a way out.

It's easy to assume that since you're young, you have all the time in the world, but that is an illusion. Don't waste these precious years trying to be popular or joined at the hip with your phone. Seize opportunities to learn and grow, develop your mind, expose yourself to new experiences, volunteer to help those less fortunate in your community. Find new ways to grow and use your creativity, expect to make mistakes, but also learn to pick yourself right back up and start over. The benefit of these years is that you have the luxury of being able to apply yourself in novel ways and the energy to exceed even your own expectations. You can go in any direction you choose, as long as it's healthy and nourishing to your mind, body and spirit. Remember most of all, there are storms of change raging inside of you and all around you. As a result, there will be good days and bad days, times of confidence and uncertainty, friendships and romances will come and go, it's all part of growing up. The best way to cope is to learn about yourself, stay busy with activities that enrich you, remain rooted in the present moment, with your eye on the future. Step by step, your future will unfold in surprising and exciting ways.

Adult - Legally speaking, adulthood begins at 18 or 21, depending on whether you define it by the time an individual can choose to enlist for the armed services or consume alcohol. But realistically, for a variety of reasons, today's young adults are not ready to assume complete responsibility for their lives until much later. Though it may not be present, they still need the guidance and love of of a caring parent or mentor to modulate their impulses and heal their wounds when circumstances get out of control. In the absence of that, young men and women will need to mature more rapidly and find their own inner voice early on, if they are to avoid making critical mistakes that may negatively affect their future. If you're a young adult or caring about someone who is, it's important to keep in mind that all of us come into this world with innate strengths and weaknesses. Some can use adversity to fire their passions, while others internalize it, becoming cynical and sabotaging their own success without their awareness. Amazingly though, most of us will survive to fight another day. But the degree to which you do more than merely survive will depend increasingly upon your own ingenuity: your ability to take the resources you have and rearrange them or apply them in different ways to achieve a new result.

Through reflection on my own life and that of those around me, I have concluded that our desire to create and encounter events that will lead to sustainable happiness is all too often undermined by the very mental processes that Nature designed to help us. As infants and children, information about the world around us is streaming in. We don't yet have the tools or capacity to make sense of it. Our senses are alive with new sounds, sights, smells and feelings that get stored in our memories for future digestion. As our neural pathways develop, connections are made between current and past sensations. Joy is associated with one experience, while emotional pain is associated with yet another. These associations morph into primitive and rigid patterns of thought that we will later use to make snap decisions about complex issues that may have profound consequences for our future happiness. What we might call our "Fight or Flight response". This ability of our mind to quickly sum up the relative safety of a person, place or thing, is an essential survival skill that protects us from danger. But when it becomes the filter through which we see and react to the world, we are likely to either stagnate from fear, or lunge toward a counterproductive situation because it seems familiar (and therefore, safe). Though it may be anything but.

We must develop another "objective view" of events and feelings in our lives. A way to look at them telescopically, as if from afar to determine if following a particular course of action is advisable. One way to do this is to imagine a dear friend has come to you for advice on the very situation you face. How would you guide them? So often, we advise others to do what we know is right, but then ironically ignore that very wisdom in our own lives. Why? Answering that question can reveal much about our inner process and what motivates us to stay stuck in counterproductive patterns. But it only gets better if you choose to act on those revelations. Knowledge is only power when it is put into action.

It seems to me that the goal of adulthood is to take calculated risks, make mistakes, then learn and grow from those experiences. The challenge is of course to limit danger to an acceptable level and increase the chances for success through preparation. This ideal path forward requires us to step out of the pattern based reactions of our ancestors and employ critical thinking to evaluate all the variables of a given decision we must make, so that we may direct the of the outcome as much as possible .

However, some of you may find the idea of "self direction" obsessional. You may prefer life to unfold as destiny prescribes and then adapt accordingly. The problem with this philosophy is that when we find the outcome of a given event is less than satisfactory and we have relied on an unseen, outside force or wisdom to guide us in the right direction, we have no means of correcting our approach for the next time, since we have abdicated involvement in our own affairs. This I would define as the essence of faith. And while faith tends to buoy us emotionally, causing us to feel we are tapping into a higher source that understands us and our needs better than we do, this in no way should cause us to relinquish our responsibility to be aware and proactive in management of our lives. My personal feeling is that we all must strike our own personal balance between faith and self direction in our sustainable happiness strategy.

Although our parents may have done their best to raise us, they were, as you are now, on a steep evolutionary curve, taking risks, making mistakes and unintentionally saddling us with issues we now struggle to resolve as adults. Often, those issues arise from emotional pain we buried as children: pain that is now attempting to be expressed and overcome. Additionally, either through observation or a need to cope, we learned negative "patterns" of behavior that no longer serve us and cause us to create and maintain relationships with others that are eerily similar to those we witnessed as children. And there is no "perfect" way to free yourself from these negative patterns of behavior. However, the fact that you're reading this book is evidence that you're heading in the right direction. Whatever means you employ to better understand yourself and Human nature in general will help you to forgive and get on with the business of living. Set your mind to be aware and engaged every moment, question everything, remain determined to make continual improvement your life's mission and you'll be fine. Regardless of your age, it's never too late to heal, learn, grow and or redefine yourself, as you will discover in the upcoming section.

Senior - What is a Senior anyway? Well, it depends on who you ask. With lifespans now routinely extending into the 100's, all the old benchmarks are obsolete, as adults now often remain active well into their 80s and beyond. From the viewpoint of our Social Security system, retirement marks the beginning of one's senior years, which arrives sometime during the sixth decade. with the exact date dependent upon when you were born. And where as retirement used to conjure up images of decrepit old folks in rocking chairs, many seniors now regard their "golden years" as the best time of their lives. And why shouldn't it be? As long as we take care of our health, we have new opportunities to redefine ourselves and the way we live. Ambition has waned, children are off making their own way in the world, self doubt has given way to a hard won independence and hopefully, if we've succeeded in creating some financial security, our time is our own. We can pursue learning, hobbies, travel, entertainment, volunteering and friendships. We can go to bed when we like and wake up at a leisurely hour.

A kind of acceptance evolves within us as we begrudgingly realize we have less and less control over our appearance. The youthful obsession with being in the limelight disappears, making way for more intellectual pursuits, as we attempt to bring into focus the blur that was our previous life. Moments of reflection, recollection and reminiscence flash before us, as our mind strives to catalyze some meaning from it all. We eventually become aware of the context in which we now exist. We can finally piece together the puzzle of random events, successes and failures, triumphs and tragedies that sculpted us into who we are. And in that awareness, there is a grounding, a unification of body, mind and spirit, that we now realize, in retrospect, was conspicuously missing. "If only I knew then what I know now" , is a phrase one might lament about their earlier life. It is during these moments that it becomes all to easy to engage in self reproach, or to reconstitute old grudges and allow them to poison the waters. But a higher calling compels us to view our previous life telescopically and philosophically, as if from a remote location, with the goal of evaluating it objectively. In the final analysis, we may conclude that we did the best we could with the knowledge and resources we had at the time and that assigning blame now would only serve to curtail our enjoyment of the present moment. If we're honest about the past, we may discover that even painful or undesirable events left us something of value.

Whether or not your senior years resemble what you imagined them to be, this is counterintuitively a time of new beginnings. A time to redefine yourself with broad strokes, unencumbered by insecurity or a fear of what others may think. Allow your revelations about life's mysteries to inspire a creative revolution inside of you. As our bodies change and our energy wanes. we're more thoughtful about how we use our precious time. We may begin to think about the legacy we'll leave in our wake. How will we express that? What can we now attempt with our new found independence, creativity and self awareness that was once beyond our perceived ability? Patience has replaced anxiety, serenity has triumphed over fear, confidence has evicted doubt and compassion has overcome arrogance: how can these new qualities be harnessed to bring fresh, new meaning to your life?

The journey which brought you here was often made in the dark, on winding roads, with unexpected detours along the way. To say it another way, you've climbed arduously up through the limbs and branches of your Happiness Tree, learning and maturing as you ascended. But now the all important canopy is within reach. All the wisdom that you've gathered now supports you as you rise to your true potential. For better or worse, life has brought you to this point, your mission now is to build on the knowledge and experiences you gained and make something lasting from them. Money comes and goes, relationships come and go, even our youth comes and goes, but though it escapes our grasp in the moment, it's echo waits for us in the future. These echoes can now be sorted through, refined or discarded as you see fit. What you choose to keep will become the poignant music of your life. A music which yearns to be expressed. Find a way to bring your unique symphony to the world, touch lives, lift hearts, do good, find meaning in every action and in so doing, build a life-long happiness, one moment at a time.

Maintaining Health and Happiness in Our Rapidly Evolving Society

First of all, let's examine how Men's and Women's lives have change over the last 50 years.

Statistical sources: Pedro Nigeria, New York University, Head of the Metropolitan Center for Equity and the Transformation of Schools. Michael Kimmel, Prof. at Stony Brook University. Director for the study of Men and Masculinity

Education

• Across every state, women exceed men from 8-12 percentage points in college enrollment

• Fifty years ago, men made up 65% or college enrollment, today it's 43%

• In some states, the male drop out rate is twice that of women.

• In 1961 - 3% of law students were female. In 2011, 53% of law students were female.

(When one extrapolates that to include medical school, business school, etc, it points to the changing face of today's workforce).

• In a growing number of cities, an expanding group of highly educated women are having a hard time finding men of similar education.

Jobs

• Fifty years ago, men's manufacturing jobs accounted for 50% of the economy. Today, they account for less than 10%.

• Fifty years ago, Men with a strong back and good work ethic could count on getting a job that would support a family. That is hardly guaranteed today.

• Western society has transformed from a manufacturing based, to a knowledge based economy.

• The jobs men are traditionally good at don't exist anymore. They have been replaced by low wage jobs in the service sector. Where as jobs that emphasize communication, focus and collaboration (skills that are more often associated with women), are on the rise.

• Men are finding fewer options in school and in the workforce that appeal to them.

The evolution of women's goals have been rapid and dramatic. In the span of a couple of generations, women's lives have begun to resemble those of men much more than at any time in recorded history, causing some women to feel more self confident, more self reliant and less likely to follow what they may consider obsolete societal expectations of them. But women are also more confused than ever about who they are or what trajectory their lives should take. They are by instinct, more likely then men to be consumers of media and as such, vulnerable to internalizing the images and message they are exposed to there. The media machine increasingly projects subliminal as well as overt composites of female roles, creating the impression that "you can do it all girl!" You can be fit, attractive, forever young, run a corporation by day and care for your kids by night, all while maintaining an amazing relationship with a handsome, successful man, going on dream vacations and hosting lavish dinner parties for friends and family. From one source they are encouraged to find a man who is solid, hard working, reliable, faithful, trustworthy and loving. From yet another, like Cosmo or "Fifty Shades", they're lured into believing that the right man will be wealthy, sophisticated, handsome, mysterious, dangerous, devious and have an inexhaustible sex drive. Furthermore, as willing slaves to fashion, they feel out of step if they aren't sporting the right purse, the latest shoes, a dress from one of the most popular designers or driving the coolest new car. And as eluded to earlier, a man who can provide for all these new needs and desires is becoming increasingly hard to find, so women are getting the message that if they want to enjoy the good life, they'd better get educated, find a great job and be the best at what they do.

Where does today's man fit into this picture? Their once exclusive professional territory is being eroded daily as women are very likely to be better educated and competing with them for the same jobs and consequently, becoming financially independent, (thereby eliminating the need for men as a source of financial security). Women may even be willing and able to bare and raise children on their own, with no need of a man's participation either physically or economically. If they are in a relationship, women are now more assertive and likely to be struggling for greater control over decisions about the home, money and children. As a result of these new overlapping roles and the conflicts they create, fewer couples are choosing to marry, even fewer are having children. Those that do tie the knot are increasingly dissatisfied, engaging to extramarital affairs and eventually, spiraling towards divorce.

Of course, I am generalizing here and speaking mainly about men and women in the "Western World", or democratically run "1st World" countries. Many of the changes in gender roles, whether in the home or work place, have been positive and liberating, especially for women. Women in abusive relationships no longer have to stay for economic reasons. They can forge a new path for themselves and create a better life for their children. They have proven to be savvy entrepreneurs and business leaders, bringing new insights and a more collaborative work ethic to some institutions. But these aforementioned changes have not transferred equally to every country or ethnic group. In some cultures, as we are all too aware, women are treated like cattle, living in the shadows, without the benefit of education, meaningful work or a robust social life. And though the men who enforce these rules are responsible for keeping women down, it's not clear how they benefit. A secular view might conclude that any person or group following a religious or dictatorial edict that demonstrates no clear benefit, should seek to abolish it. But fear and dogma keep these cultures entrenched in the dark ages and though some light is getting in, the pace of change is excruciatingly slow.

But conversely, in countries and cultures with greater freedom of choice, it would appear that having unbridled options has created it's own set of problems . A new drive for independence has replaced interdependence in many relationships. Each seeks their own career path, maintains their own set of "Facebook friends" and sets their schedule to prioritize work, friends, family and partner, in that order. With both men and women now able to work and earn high salaries, the economy has adjusted and consequently two incomes are now required to support an average household. If there are children in the mix, the parents' busy schedules necessitate the use of child care during the day. In the evening, instead of sit down dinners, that once were the mainstay of family unity and proper nutrition, meals are now caught on the fly. Each member of the family darts past the refrigerator or the local fast food joint whenever they have time, and reaches for their own favorite treat. The result is that obesity rates are soaring among all age groups and across gender lines. Nutrition and family cohesiveness are even further impacted by the overuse of technology. When couples or families are together, their minds are all too often linked with a media device rather than sharing a true human connection.

When you step back a look at the result of all this freedom, you're struck by the fact that as a society, both men and women have become fatter, less healthy, less fulfilled, less frequently touched, hugged or truly connected to each other. We have unwittingly become enslaved by a new master: an insidious one that compels us to live for greater income, status, popularity, competition consumption and access to media, rather than partnership, the achievement of shared goals, personal enrichment or a better future.

To those in their 30's and younger, whom have grown up with electronic media, fast food and even faster lives, it must seem that I am suggesting a return to "the horse and buggy days", to eschew all technological advances. Even if that were my objective, nothing short of a global calamity could halt or reverse the march of technology. And frankly, the presence of technology and the automation of almost everything is not the real problem anyway.

The real problem is that in the pursuit of huge profits, innovative entrepreneurs have used the relatively new and rapidly advancing science of industrial psychology to confound us, finding ways through every form of media (even the television programs and movies we watch), to worm into minds and past our critical barriers to our most basic and primal motivators. Once there, through advertising and other "thought modifying strategies", they create a need and then dispense products and services that satisfy that need.

So powerful is this seduction, that it usurps the healthy, organic sources of enlightenment and growth we were meant to seek, replacing them with temporary material and digital forms of satisfaction that actually rob us of true, deep, lasting fulfillment. In fact, it has been shown that just the sound of a text being sent to our phone can release a cascade of endorphins into our brains, triggering good feelings and setting the stage for a dangerous addiction.

The more we like it, the more we want it and the more we want it, the more we like it.

Case in point: Even a decade ago, it wasn't unusual to see groups of young women or men walking together, sharing stories, giggling and horsing around, as they should. Now-a-days, that group has been replaced by a virtual audience, all wrapped up in a neat little package called a phone. Folks of all ages that should be socializing and having human contact are instead walking alone, head bent downward, staring at their devices. You've seen them, you can relate to what I'm saying. You may even be one of them. On occasion, people become so preoccupied with their virtual world, that they walk right into traffic, or drop into an open manhole, unaware of anything, save that mind-link to their digital universe.

What can you do to lessen the impact of all society's changes, to stay rooted in a conscious, passion driven, fulfilling life?

It's pointless to wish for humanity to return to simpler times. It seems mankind often stumbles blindly into new paradigms, without considering the consequences, then wonders how matters got so far out of control. Then well meaning people or organizations try to fix what's broken in society, without fully understanding the problem or even examining their own lives for the presence of the same issues. As I've eluded to before, the only person you can fix is yourself. So where do you start?

The areas of your life that are vulnerable to society's influence are the same one's that make up the major limbs of your Happiness Tree:

Love, Health, Freedom and Purpose

Let's examine each major limb of your Happiness Tree again and learn how to continue ascending toward your all important Canopy, in spite of society's nefarious influences.

Love: To love something or some one, assumes the presence of a relationship, even if that relationship consists of You and your Self. Whenever you allow something or someone to come between yourself and the object of your love, that relationship is damaged. That is not to say that it's not healthy to have friends and interests that exist outside the boundaries of this relationship, indeed it is healthy. But there is a special connection, an intensity that should only be shared between you and the object of such love. If a person, place or thing appears and you allow it to drain away the essence of this important relationship you are doing great harm to yourself and perhaps many others. Understand that infidelity is more than just maintaining a secretive tryst that betrays the interests of your partner, it can also be viewed as a breach, that damages your the integrity, in a desire to satisfy a short term obsession.

Your primary focus must be on your relationships, beginning with Self Love. Your human connections trump everything else, they are the source of much personal power. Enjoy your activities and your toys, but never allow them to distract you from being fully present in your own life and the lives of those important to you.

Health: Health is inextricably linked to Self care. Do not allow anything or anyone to break the essential linkage between your body and mind. And believe me, it can be broken through addiction, depression and neglect. Reserve time for quiet, introspection, rest, reflection the making and consuming of good food, some kind of exercise, as well as activities that build skill, critical thinking and that promote personal fulfillment. These are essential for mind/body health. Practice these life strategies often and listen to your body.

Freedom: Freedom is more than just the absence of physical bondage, it is also a liberation from undue influence over your thoughts and actions. Like Love and Health, it's all to easy to take your Freedom for granted and thereby lose it. And unbeknownst to themselves, people are doing this every day. Your mind is adaptable and malleable and it evolves according to what you feed it, or what you allow it to be fed. When you sit, like a deer in the headlights, while the seductive messages of advertisers and media moguls are soaked up by your consciousness, you are handing your choices, your beliefs, indeed your very life over to a corporate matrix that doesn't have your best interest at heart. Write all of this off as paranoid conspiracy theory if you wish, as you reach for your Big Mac and fries, but Freedom is not free, it requires some work on your part to protect it, especially when so many are attempting to erode it through overt and subliminal means.

Examine your beliefs, your actions, your obsession and your relationships several times a year to determine if you have relinquished any part of your Freedom to an idea, person or thing that really doesn't serve your highest aspirations.

Purpose: Among the four major limbs of your Happiness Tree, Purpose is the most difficult to define and therefore, the one most vulnerable to being forgotten or neglected. But your Purpose does not stand alone, it is inextricably linked and has a reciprocal relationship with all the other limbs. How is that? Well, to Love and be loved is part of everyone's Purpose; Maintaining the best Health possible is essential to pursuing your passions which will ultimately support you in fulfilling your Purpose; Physical and intellectual Freedom are necessary to imagine, create and articulate your Purpose. There, you see! Focus on Love, Health and Freedom and your Purpose will eventually come into view.

Bear in mind as well, that your Purpose is adaptable and subject to what you may encounter along life's path. History is replete with stories of people who were determined to pursue one field of education or one vocation and then were suddenly sideswiped by a tide of unexpected events that transported them physically or intellectually to a new paradigm. And a fresh, new Purpose was born.

A little about my journey

I spent many years desperately seeking my Purpose. I was convinced that it was like some celestial constitution that had been written specifically for me and that my job was to discover what it secretly had in store for my future. Then, suddenly, in my early 40's, I became very sick. I was admitted to the hospital on numerous occasions and spent months in bed trying to recuperate. Throughout this process, my career as an Environmental Engineer languished. My skills dwindled, my contacts dried up and I eventually had to leave the field all together. During this time, my father collapsed from a stroke and was placed in a board and care facility, my mother was unable to maintain a life on her own, so through a long legal process, I obtained control of her assets and assumed legal responsibility for her. Soon after, my marriage fell apart. I had to spend what little I had in savings to satisfy the requirements of the divorce. In the process, I was prevented from maintaining a relationship with my step children. I left where I was living in Washington State and moved to Southern California to be closer to my parents. Not long after, my father died. The cascade of traumas continued for years and took every bit of physical and intellectual stamina I could muster. Needless to say, my search for a purpose had been usurped by a struggle to maintain physical and emotional health.

Eventually, when my health stabilized and the maelstroms had passed, I then felt a need to spend time in reflection and reconciliation, to remember and even document how I had coped and what had learned about myself and the Human condition throughout my challenges. I emerged a more self aware, confident, healthy, happy person. Somuch had I evolved, that one day, out of the blue, it hit me, "my purpose is to share these revelations with others", Ergo, the book you are now reading was born.

The take away message here is: don't be so concerned about trying to decide or discover why you're here for or what the universe has in store for you. Take care of your body, your mind and your loved ones and one day, it will be revealed to you. You won't have to wonder "is this it?" You will know with crystal clarity where your unique skills, talents and wisdom should be applied. Suddenly, all the loves and losses, successes and failures, triumphs and tragedies will come into perspective. You'll see that though they may have been painful, they were what brought you to this moment of realization. And it will be those very experiences that will inspire and inform your new direction. And though you may not wish it to be so, this may happen to you several times throughout the course of your life.

We all know, in life, you rarely get something of value for nothing. Even the love, health and freedom that accompanied you into this world can be lost if you arrogantly assume you deserve, or ignorantly neglect them. So, study and follow the lessons of your Happiness Tree, adapt them to your life, always pay attention, be present in each moment, take care of your health, give your best self to all things and people you encounter. And one day, when you least expect it, you'll realize you're suddenly viewing life differently, from an elevated perspective, because you're resting comfortably on top of the Happiness Tree that you worked so hard to cultivate. From that day forward, the canopy, branches, limbs, trunk and roots of your beautiful tree will be there to support, guide and protect you when the storms of adversity rain down.

