hello and welcome this is M from
narcissistic abuse rehab a safe place
with survivors in recovery can find
awareness empowerment and healing our
topic for today is the narcissists
childhood trauma if this is something
you've witnessed or learned about I'd
love to hear from you in the comments
when you share your lived experience it
really helps me and other survivors of
narcissistic abuse gain an important
perspective in the face of what can be a
baffling disorder by the end of this
video you're gonna have a greater
understanding of the effects of
childhood trauma on the narcissist but
before we get into our topic I want to
thank all of our subscribers and viewers
for supporting this channel we're
building this channel for you to help
you on your healing journey so please
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that said let's get into a topic some
nice assist
childhood trauma it said that anger
tells a story I find that to be very
true especially in the case of people
with a narcissistic personality disorder
I think it's really helpful for
survivors to recover with a
trauma-informed perspective of
narcissistic abuse so today instead of
asking what's wrong with the narcissist
I want us to look at what happened to
them I want to be very clear about
something this is to help you understand
the narcissist not to pity them feel
sorry for them or want to save them
recovery for empathic people means that
we have to accept that saving another
person is above our pay grade
narcissists don't change so they can't
be saved all that will happen is that
you'll be psychologically crushed and
made into an outward manifestation of
the narcissists inner turmoil the big
takeaway from understanding the
childhood trauma of the narcissist is
that while you were experiencing the
crazy-making behavior the verbal
violence of physical and financial abuse
none of it is about you the narcissist
is acting out variations on the horrific
things they witnessed in their childhood
so let's zoom out
of what they did to you and look at
things from the wider perspective of
where they learned the behavior and how
this impacted the narcissists mind early
in my recovery they used to really
irritate me when the discussion turned
to the nicest trauma that was the last
thing I wanted to hear about because I
was so badly hurt myself that I honestly
didn't care if the narcissist had been
damaged at some point in their life in
time in order to fully understand what
happened I had to open my mind and
receive the understanding of just how
psychologically fragile narcissists are
why is this important well the fact is
that no matter how much they hurt you
their behavior isn't about you and this
is something you'll only be able to
accept once you can grasp what's really
going on with the narcissist
in reality by acting at their rage in
contempt the narcissist is communicating
what they lived through during the most
vulnerable stage of their life their
cruelty and aggression is an expression
of the trauma in their family of origin
this trauma is often intergenerational
and it's usually brought on by prolonged
exposure to the cycle of narcissistic
abuse between their parents so through a
trauma-informed lens it becomes clear
that the narcissist is using maladaptive
methods to get their needs met
because in childhood they developed a
negative worldview and learned that they
couldn't trust others the narcissus
never learned any self-regulation skills
so they externalise their feelings of
envy and fury consuming the life force
of others to satisfy the emptiness
inside duping others as they feel
they've been duped by all authority
figures
at their court the narcissist rejects
all concepts of higher powers or
authorities and they are never-ending
rage they feel like God let them down so
they become their own gods and act out
their perceived superiority on others
this is why narcissists are obsessed
with power in control at some point in
their childhood the narcissist was
traumatized by feelings of complete
powerlessness and worthlessness this is
what's at the root of their pathological
behavior another key factor is that
narcissists suffer from a gray matter
deficit in the centre of the brain
that's responsible for empathy now I
talked about this in my video why all
narcissists use the same playbook now I
put a link for you in the corner but
also down below so you can check it out
but they take away is that narcissists
are literally a kin short of a six-pack
genetics and the effects of long term
childhood trauma have caused the volume
of gray matter to shrink and this has
occurred right in the centre of the
brain where social emotions like lust
pride humiliation guilt atonement and
effective empathy are produced this is
the same area of the brain that means
body states like cravings and hunger the
area where habits and addictive
behaviors are formed so what science is
telling us is that narcissists are brain
damaged they literally don't have the
mental capacity to feel emotions like
remorse or love I've put a link to the
research of psychotherapist dr. Nutley
angled Rek down below if you'd like to
learn more about this but make no
mistake
narcissists are neurologically
predisposed to callous behavior and
addiction because of this gray matter
deficit their addictive behavior only
makes matters worse as drug and alcohol
abuse can cause further depletion of
grey matter and this leads to
significant gaps in brain function so
what I want you to take away from this
information is that the narcissist is
biologically incapable of sophisticated
emotions like love trust affective
empathy or remorse
best it can mimic these emotions during
the honeymoon or love-bombing phase of
their transactions with other people but
that's all narcissists failed to grasp
the value of these emotions and instead
they regard them as useless
vulnerabilities oftentimes these
emotions disgust them and cause them to
feel contempt for the people who show
them no matter how old they are they are
always acting out the horrors they
witnessed and experienced during
childhood usually at the hands of a
covert narcissistic parent who held an
empathic parent psychologically hostage
in the savage ecosystem of the
narcissist childhood sincerity love
trust affective empathy were severely
punished by the narcissistic parent they
were based in an environment of each
were be eaten their true self was
rejected and yes discarded by their
narcissistic parent and so to survive
the narcissist chose to become a
facsimile of the abusers circumstances
forced them to idolize their inner child
destroyed the narcissist adopts a
primitive mindset and lives by the maxim
but you're either getting power or
losing it as a result of their childhood
trauma reminders of reality like facts
can trigger a micro psychotic episode in
a narcissist
so when presented with anything that's
contrary to the image of their idealized
false self the narcissist will usually
lapse into a micro psychotic episode
during this mind state they are detached
from reality and suffer from delusions
that manifest inward solid magical
thinking and distortion in the aftermath
of these psychotic episodes the
narcissist will usually resort to
self-pity Nessa sister doomed to repeat
the sick patterns of abuse they
witnessed and experienced his children
they're condemned to arrested
psychological development that prevents
them from experiencing sophisticated
emotions or intimacy in their
transaction with you you've witnessed
the narcissists impeccable imitation of
these
motions but the performance is often
exhausting for the narcissist eventually
they get tired and bored with their own
charade and torch
whichever relationship is attached to
that particular false persona now I
don't know what the nice assist in your
life did to you
but I do know this it's not about you it
never was
you're simply the target of a profoundly
damaged and disturbed individual who is
forever lashing out against the
traumatic sense of powerlessness they
experienced as children under the
authority of their narcissistic parent
well they usually regard with a strange
mixture of all and thinly suppressed
hatred in adulthood the narcissist
channels and embodies their childhood
tormentor this could be the terrible
parent who never apologized to anyone
and severely damaged their spouse and
children with fear and intimidation in
the family of origin in childhood the
narcissist couldn't beat their abusers
so they join them that weakness is what
drives the narcissists cruel and
destructive behavior with you guys
that's all I have for you today if you
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be good to yourself we'll talk again
soon
