♪ ("LAST WEEK TONIGHT"
THEME PLAYS) ♪
Moving on.
For our main story tonight,
we thought we'd look
at the border wall.
One of the more upsetting things
to emerge from 2016,
tied of course,
with the reboot
of the Gilmore Girls.
And I know I'm a little bit late
with this,
but just a few notes,
one, who the fuck was Paul?
Two, not enough Paris,
three, seriously,
who the fuck was Paul?
Four, when did both
of these women forget
how to hold mugs?
Five, I'm sorry,
Emily says bullshit
and tits now?
Not in my Stars Hollow,
and finally,
who the absolutely fuck
was Paul?
(READS PROMPT)
That aside,
you no doubt remember
that Trump's border wall
was the key promise
of his first campaign.
He talked about it constantly.
Even managing
to inadvertently point out
key flaws in the idea,
like this.
There's no ladder
going over that.
If they ever get up there,
they're in trouble.
'Cause there's no way
to get down.
Maybe a rope.
Yeah, maybe a rope.
That was Trump,
recognizing in real time,
that his signature plan
could be completely undone
by thick string.
And if that clip
is familiar at all to you,
it might be because
when we played it
in our first piece on the wall,
four years ago,
when I was approximately
fifty years younger.
And in that show,
we discussed how the wall
seemed,
in addition to being
transparently racist,
like it was going to be both
expensive and pointless.
Well, I don't know
if you've noticed,
but Trump is actually
president now.
And has spent the last
three-and-a-half years
putting his plan into action.
In fact,
just before the pandemic,
he was reassuring attendees
at one of his rallies
that things were going great.
We'll soon be building
many, many miles a week,
but we're up to over
125,
-I guess 127 or 128 mile...
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
...of the super-duper wall,
super-duper.
I'm sorry...
The super-duper wall?
That sounds less
like a description
of border fencing
and more like the name
of an off-brand playset
recalled because it collapsed
on a bunch of small children.
Listen to me,
do not buy
the Super-Duper Wall,
unless you want to wind up
with a pile
of cracked fiberglass,
and a flattened toddler.
But clearly, the wall
is by no means "super-duper."
And while we predicted
the whole thing
would be in shambles,
the extent to which
that's been true,
even we didn't see coming.
Take what happened
just this Thursday.
REPORTER: Steve Bannon
 and three others
 are accused of defrauding
 hundreds of thousands
 of people,
 by personally profiting
 off a scheme to raise money
 to help build
 President Trump's
 border wall.
Yeah.
Steve Bannon,
the president's former
chief strategist,
was arrested.
It's one of those things
that you knew would
eventually happen,
but are pleasantly surprised
that it happened so soon.
Like Jennifer Lawrence's
Oscar win,
or Roger Ailes' death.
And the story behind
that arrest
is absolutely fascinating,
and I promise
that we'll get into it
later in this piece.
But we thought for tonight,
especially ahead
of the RNC next week,
it'd be a good time
to give you an update
on the status
of Trump's border wall.
Because, before he took office,
he wanted it to define him
as a president.
And that has very much happened,
but in none of the ways
that he intended.
So let's try and break down
a few things.
What he's built,
what damage it's done,
and crucially,
who's been doing some
of the building.
And let's start
with what exactly he has built.
Because, from the start,
Trump insisted
that he wanted a concrete wall.
Something that many
border patrol agents
had advised him against,
because it would block
their view
of what was going on
behind it.
Yet Trump was still
so insistent on it
that less than a year
into his term, this happened.
REPORTER 2: President Trump
 said he wanted
 a big, fat,
 beautiful wall.
 These are his 30x30 foot
 options.
 One of these eight contestants
 could soon stretch
 across the border.
There's a chance that
one of them--
one of them gets selected,
eight of them
get selected, or a mix
of their characteristics
get selected, uh,
for construction.
Yeah, Trump essentially
organized a wall pageant.
And look,
if you're gonna hold
a weird contest
in the middle of the desert,
at least make it Saudi
Arabia's actual
beauty pageant for camels.
A real annual event
where the hottest camels
are evaluated...
(READS PROMPT)
And you might be thinking,
"Wow, that's pretty problematic
to objectify camels like that."
But the fact is,
this contest is actually
one of the biggest
scholarship opportunities
that they have.
And do you really think now
is the time to argue
that we need fewer camels
in STEM?
Of course not, get real,
be an ally.
But it is true,
eight prototypes were built
so they could test them
to figure out
which would work best,
and it didn't go well.
A government report
found... (READS PROMPT)
With one having the...
(READS PROMPT)
Which is ridiculous.
We all know the only wall
that should be in danger
of collapsing
is the Super-Duper Wall.
I'm serious,
do not buy that wall,
it will squish your child
like a panini.
So the design
they ended up going with
was a wall of slats,
or bollards,
topped by a metal,
anti-climbing plate.
And Trump did not
like that design,
reportedly telling officials,
(READS PROMPT).
And I have to say,
he's not actually
wrong there.
I don't mean to wall shame,
but if I had a list
of hot walls,
that one wouldn't even crack
the top 30.
This stone wall? Scorching hot.
This wooden one?
Call me tomorrow,
you big tease.
This human wall?
I think we all know
how I feel about that.
Collapse on my chest,
you impenetrable barrier.
Crush my rib cage,
you load-bearing behemoth.
But this border wall?
No thank you,
that's a hard pass
from both me and the president.
Still, Trump insists
that regardless
of how this wall looks,
the important thing is,
it works.
We actually, uh,
built prototypes
and we have,
I guess you could say,
world-class mountain climbers.
We got climbers,
we had 20 mountain climbers,
that's all they do,
they love to climb mountains.
They can have it.
Me? I don't want
to climb mountains,
but they're very good.
And, uh,
some of them were champions,
and we gave them
different prototypes
of walls,
and this was the one
that was hardest to climb.
Okay, hold on,
'cause there's no need
for Trump to say,
"I don't want
to climb mountains."
That was,
and I can't stress this enough,
assumed.
If I knew nothing else
about Donald Trump,
based solely on his appearance,
I'd immediately make
three assumptions,
bad knees, weird dick,
doesn't want to climb mountains.
He's giving me information
I already have.
And obviously,
that claim is bullshit.
Not just because
nobody's been able
to find those champion climbers,
but also,
because of this.
REPORTER 3: President Trump
 has called
 these refurbished walls,
 "unclimbable."
 But this video posted
 just yesterday on social media
 shows two men scaling
 a replaced portion
 of the wall in California.
Yeah, of course,
you don't even need a rope
if the wall can
basically function
as a fireman's pole.
So to recap what we've learned
about walls so far,
fuckable, definitely fuckable,
and very-much climbable.
So that is what
the wall looks like.
the next question is,
where exactly are we building?
Well, as we pointed out
in our first piece,
finding places
where you can build the wall
is a bit of a challenge.
And with presidents,
Clinton, Bush, and Obama,
hundreds of miles
of border barrier
had already been constructed.
A bunch of the rest
of the border
is already covered
by natural barriers,
or is on private property.
So, what Trump did
was start building
in the places
where it was easiest
to do that.
Specifically, where barriers
were already in place.
In fact, of the...
(READS PROMPT)
...only five miles
are in locations
where no barriers at all
previously existed.
And might be tempted to think,
"Oh, well,
then he hasn't really done
very much, has he?"
But, Trump's acting secretary
of homeland security,
a man named Chad Wolf,
pushes back on that claim hard.
When you put up
what's behind us,
that's not replacement wall,
that is a new wall.
That is a new,
physical infrastructure.
I just-- I don't, uh,
I don't agree
with the assertion that
we're simply replacing wall.
Okay, first,
let's deal with the sheer
Chad-Wolfiness
of this man.
If I lost all my memories
and fell into a coma
for 30 years,
opened my eyes and saw him,
the first words
out of my mouth would be,
"You must be Chad Wolf."
He looks like a model
for a knock-off
 Top Gun costume
you'd find at Party City
called... (READS PROMPT)
He looks like his parents
started with the name
Chad Wolf, and then just found
a baby to match.
But he is actually
right there.
The replacement wall
is a completely new
physical infrastructure,
I'll show you.
Here is the old barrier
in a remote section of Arizona.
And here is the new
structure.
Those are very different.
Claiming that they're the same
because they're
technically barriers
is like claiming
that John Cena and I
are the same because
we're the exact same age
and we're both named John.
Sure, yeah,
on paper there are
some similarities,
but when you compare the two
side-by-side,
one is gigantic
and the other looks like
he might collapse
if you press on it too hard.
But crucially,
these massive new barriers
are causing significant
problems.
Disrupting animals
migratory patterns,
and slicing up people's land.
And the thing is,
for what?
If this is about stopping drugs
or people from entering
the country,
it's worth remembering,
most of that happens
through our ports of entry.
And even the Department
of Homeland Security's own
inspector general,
issues a scathing report
just last month
saying the administration...
(READS PROMPT)
In other words,
putting walls
where we've been putting them
just doesn't make sense.
And if you want to see
just how nonsensical...
 new sections are currently
 going up
 along the top
 of these jagged mountains
 in a national wildlife
 refuge.
 Which is just utterly insane.
And this is costing
a lot of money.
Mexico, obviously,
is not paying for the wall.
Instead, we are,
and in the dumbest possible way.
So far Trump has garnered...
(READS PROMPT)
But only... (READS PROMPT)
Trump declared
a national emergency
at the Southern border,
so that he could tap into
Pentagon accounts
for the rest.
That redirection of funds
diverted money
that had been set aside
for things like
replacing an overcrowded
middle school
on a Kentucky military base,
or repairing a daycare...
(READS PROMPT)
And when asked to justify
those decisions,
Senator Lindsey Graham
had a pretty amazing rationale.
Let's just say for a moment
that he took some money
out of the military
construction budget,
I would say it's better
for the middle school kids
in Kentucky,
to have a secure border.
We'll get them
the school they need,
but right now we've got
a national emergency
on our hands.
Wow.
Everything about that is bad.
From the idea that Trump's
national emergency declaration
was justified,
which it wasn't.
To the idea that his
vanity project
is better for middle school kids
that a new school,
which it is not,
to that tie,
it looks like a candy cane
that melted on his shirt.
It looks like the tie
that Santa Claus wears
to elf funerals.
It's the worst thing
in that shot, which is
really saying something,
'cause that shot
also includes Lindsey Graham.
And that brings us
to our final question:
Who is building this?
Because the answers to that
are actually a little
surprising.
Just look at one
of the companies
that was invited to take part
in that
America's Next Top Wall
in the Desert competition,
Fisher Sand and Gravel.
The head of the company,
Tommy Fisher,
knows how to curry favor
with Trump.
Here he is
on Laura Ingraham's show
giving him the hard sell.
If he allows us to play
in our team of Fisher Industry
to play, I guarantee
I'm no different that Tom Brady.
Once we get in,
we never come out,
and if we don't perform
the president can fire us
and that's how comfortable
and confident I am...
-I love it.
-...when people see
-what we really offer.
-I love it.
Not taking sides on
which prototype is best,
but this is why
you're a good businessman.
I love it!
I didn't think Laura Ingram
was capable of
that level of delight,
but it turns out
her love language is white men
begging for attention
because that man
is thirsty as fuck.
"I'll wait for you, Daddy.
Just like that Tom Brady
you like,
and if I don't, you can fire me
like you used to on TV."
And that was by no means
Fisher's only appearance on FOX.
He went on the network ten times
to praise the president
and sell his wall.
And these appearances seem
to have had an effect
because what both DHS
and the Umicore of engineers
actually turned down
Fisher's initial wall designs
because they didn't meet
operational requirements.
Fisher's company was,
nevertheless,
added to a small list
of pre-approved bidders
thanks to personal pressure
from the president.
according to one
of the senators
from Fisher's home state,
"Liked fisher because
he'd seen him on television."
And of course he did.
Trump's like a shut-in
who sits at home all day
and orders what he sees
on FOX commercials,
but instead of ordering
Legends XL
male enhancement pills,
he picks companies
to build a giant wall
across the border.
But just as with boner pills,
you shouldn't just buy something
'cause you saw it on TV.
You might wanna at least
Google it first
because Fisher's company
had a lot of obvious red flags.
REPORTER 4: Fisher's been hit
 with lawsuits.
One from the federal government
 for sexual discrimination
 in New Mexico.
 It settled for 150 grand.
 The company
 and the founder's son
 were both accused of tax fraud
 in 2009.
 The son pleaded guilty.
 The company paid more than
 a million in back taxes.
Wow.
So, they cheated to get ahead,
got caught,
and yet they're still around.
Turns out they really are
the Tom Brady
of the construction industry.
But wait, there's more.
Over the years, they've
also racked up
two thousand violation notices
from city, county, state,
and federal regulatory bodies
including 469 criminal charges
for violations in Phoenix,
where the company
ran an asphalt plant.
Charges only reduced to civil
penalties after Fisher agreed
to permanently close it.
But wait, I'm still not done.
Local government officials
have rejected their bids
on contracts after considering,
among other things...
(READS PROMPT)
And sexual harassment,
tax fraud, federal violations,
and child pornography.
Isn't that a great list
for a company vying to receive
government money?
It's not even a great list
for the Ozark season four
writer's room.
Guys, guys, that's too much.
Not even Jason Bateman can make
those crimes likable.
And yet,
Fisher was incredibly savvy
about how to appeal
to Trump.
Not just with his constant
TV appearances,
but also by hooking up with
We Build The Wall.
That is
the non-profit organization
that led to Steven Bannon's
arrest on Thursday.
It was founded by a veteran
named Brian Kolfage,
and it took money from
individual donors
with a promise that it would
build new sections of wall
on private land.
It even had a fundraising
wall-a-thon featuring
a star turn from a man
calling himself Foreman Mike.
We Build A Wall construction.
They are real.
We need your help.
We need to get donations in.
If you wanna start,
you can buy
 a bollard panel.
Put your name on it for eternity
 because you're not gonna
last forever.
Five thousand dollars.
And if you can't do that,
get yourself a brick.
 It lasts forever as well.
 With your name, your family,
 your girlfriend.
Whatever you wanna put on it,
you need to donate today.
Okay.
That's a lot to digest there.
Because despite
what you may think,
Foreman Mike is not a promo
for a new WWE character
whose signature move is
the chaotic sales pitch.
In fact, he isn't even
the foreman on the project.
Just as We Build The Wall
construction is
not a real construction company.
He's just some guy they used
to fundraise,
so he can grunt about
personalized bricks,
which I do admit
are a great idea
'cause we all know
the best way to deter someone
crossing the border is for them
to see the message...
(READS PROMPT)
And as ridiculous
as that may seem,
We Build The Wall raised
25 million dollars,
and yet, according to
this week's indictment,
quite a bit of that money
wound up getting redirected
back to Bannon and Kolfage who,
along with others...
(READS PROMPT)
With Bannon allegedly
using money... (READS PROMPT)
...and Kolfage allegedly
spending funds on...
(READS PROMPT)
And look, Bannon and Kolfage
denied those charges,
but definitely paints
this moment
from this Wall-a-thon
in a very different light.
Welcome back.
This is Stephen K. Bannon.
We're off the coast
of St. Tropez
in southern France
in the Mediterranean.
We're on
the million-dollar yacht
of Brian Kolfage.
And Brian Kolfage took all
that money from Build A Wall.
No. We're actually
in Sunland Park, New Mexico.
(LAUGHS) I get it. I get it.
Joking about stealing
people's money is funny
because you know what they say?
All great jokes have an element
of truth in them.
Now, Trump was anxious this week
to distance himself
with We Build The Wall.
Saying...
(READS PROMPT)
Which is a hard to believe
because here is Kolfage
with Don Jr. where he described
We Build The Wall as...
(READS PROMPT)
...and here's Trump ally
Kris Kobach on the group's
own YouTube page being
pretty unequivocal about
where the president stood.
I was speaking with
the president,
and we were talking about
a variety of issues.
And, uh, the topic came up--
I mentioned that I was working
with We Build The Wall,
and he said, "Well, you tell
the people you are working with
that this project
has my blessing."
And he went further.
He said,
"I want the media to know
that this project
has my blessing."
He was really making a point
that he was behind this.
Yeah. Of course he was.
I'm just surprised that Kobach
didn't continue.
"This president wanted
you to know
he's completely behind
this wall scam until it fails.
Then you will not be able
to reach him,
and he won't have heard of you.
That's just how this guy works."
And look, to be fair,
some of that 25 million dollars
they raised did go
to construction.
Specifically,
they said they gave
around 10 million of it to
Tommy Fisher's company.
Most of it to build
that private wall in New Mexico
that you saw a guy
named Mike
banging with a hammer,
and that wall does appear
to feature
some personalize bricks.
Like this one that Kolfage
excitedly put on Instagram
which says... (READS PROMPT)
...which is just
fucking disgusting.
The group also helped fund
another Fisher wall
built directly along
the Rio Grande
which Fisher referred to
as the Lamborghini of walls.
Claiming that... (READS PROMPT)
Although it seems to be conking
out around 149 years
ahead of schedule.
REPORTER 5: A Pro Publica
and Texas Tribune investigation
 found erosion
 beneath the foundation
 of a stretch of wall in Texas.
 That stretch was just built
 in January of this year
 by Fisher Sand and Gravel.
I'm just doing this
with one hand.
Not exerting myself.
Okay. So, it turns out
it really is the Lamborghini
of walls in that
as soon as you get near it,
the owner yells,
"Hey, please don't touch that!
It'll lose value
and you could break it."
While I have to tell you,
Fisher's attorney
has told reporters that...
(READS PROMPT)
It seems there are issues
fucking coming up
because experts have said...
(READS PROMPT)
So, to recap:
Fisher Sand and Gravel
is a company
with a checkered past
that partnered with
a shady non-profit whose backers
are now under indictment
for skimming money for
their own uses.
In ordered to have a foreman
who's not the actual foreman
help build a wall
that looks like it may either
collapse or get pushed over.
And if you know anything
about this administration,
it will not surprise you
to learn
that Fisher has now wound up
with over two billion dollars
in border building contracts.
They're now one of
the biggest contractors
the government has hired
for this project.
And the thing is,
should Trump be reelected
all of this is only gonna
accelerate.
In fact, his administration
seems to be stepping up
it's efforts.
Attempting to take private land
by filing
more eminent domain lawsuits
during the pandemic
than any other time
in his presidency.
And they're also using
a provision tucked into
the Real ID Act of 2005
giving the administration
the power to waive
all legal requirements necessary
to construct the wall,
and that means
it's not bound by
environmental or cultural
heritage protection laws,
which has enabled them
to plow through
Native American communities
with devastating effects.
REPORTER 6: Construction crews
 in southern Arizona conduct
 a controlled blast
 earlier this year
 along Monument Hill.
MAN: Fire in the hole.
REPORTER 7: The same day
of the detonations in February,
 the Tahona Authem Tribe's
 chairman sat before congress.
It's hard to see the blasting
that you showed
on the video today.
That area is home
to our ancestors.
And by blasting and doing
what we saw today,
I was totally disturbed.
Totally forever damaged...
(VOICE CRACKS) Our people--
That's horrible.
AS that man told Congress...
(READS PROMPT)
And I would like to think
that that's something
Trump knows would be wrong,
but who knows.
Given that he had people
teargassed,
so he could stand outside
a church holding a Bible
with an expression like
he just fucked his wife.
And the devastation caused
by this wall
was completely predictable.
I know that because
we literally predicted it.
And believe me, this is
the last thing I wanted to say
I told you so on.
I'd much rather have said that
about fact that
I knew Pete and Ariana
weren't gonna make it.
Or that a Crockpot would be
the killer on This Is Us.
Or the fact that I knew
the Babadook was gay
as soon as I saw him.
Come on, guys.
The hat.
But even I didn't see
some of this coming.
From the pointlessness of
a beauty contest in the desert
all the way through
a sketchy charity
selling personalized bricks.
All of this was even stupider
than I thought was possible
because the fact is this wall
is not a functional barrier.
If it's anything, it is
a fucking monument to Trump,
which actually makes more sense.
Because we all know that he is
completely obsessed
with his legacy.
Trump reportedly asked
South Dakota's governor
how he could be added
to Mount Rushmore.
While that
is clearly not gonna happen,
for one thing it's impossible
to carve stone
into whatever fucking shape
his hair is,
he also doesn't need it.
Because this is his monument.
And if, perhaps,
nothing more emblematic
of his presidency
than this wall.
It's destructive, pointless,
ineffective, racist, weak,
and something that the damages
of which we're gonna have
to be dealing with
for a very long time.
That's our show.
Thank you so much for watching.
See you next week. Goodnight.
