2.
She violates your boundaries.
You feel like an extension of her.
Your property is given away without your consent,
sometimes in front of you.
Your food is eaten off your plate or given
to others off your plate.
Your property may be repossessed and no reason
given other than that it was never yours.
Your time is committed without consulting
you, and opinions purported to be yours are
expressed for you.
(She LOVES going to the fair!
He would never want anything like that.
She wouldn't like kumquats.)
You are discussed in your presence as though
you are not there.
She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and
humiliates you by divulging the information
she gleans, especially when it can be used
to demonstrate her devotion and highlight
her martyrdom to your needs ("Mike had that
problem with frequent urination too, only
his was much worse.
I was so worried about him!")
You have never known what it is like to have
privacy in the bathroom or in your bedroom,
and she goes through your things regularly.
She asks nosy questions, snoops into your
email/letters/diary/conversations.
She will want to dig into your feelings, particularly
painful ones and is always looking for negative
information on you which can be used against
you.
She does things against your expressed wishes
frequently.
All of this is done without seeming embarrassment
or thought.
Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly
resisted.
Normal rites of passage (learning to shave,
wearing makeup, dating) are grudgingly allowed
only if you insist, and you're punished for
your insistence ("Since you're old enough
to date, I think you're old enough to pay
for your own clothes!")
If you demand age-appropriate clothing, grooming,
control over your own life, or rights, you
are difficult and she ridicules your "independence."
