- No that makes no sense.
- What?
- What, I didn't even--
- [Drew] And, here you go.
A little food so you don't wreck my joint.
Thanks very much.
- Thanks dad.
(laughing)
- No.
- Gee, thanks Uncle Drew.
- [Drew] Yes, behave yourselves.
- Do we still have to tip you,
or is it like a family friends
discount kind of thing?
- [Drew] Why start now, buddy?
(laughing)
- Thanks, Uncle Drew.
- Do you guys come here often?
- Just a titch, yeah.
- Yeah? (laughing)
- Just wanna say a quick cheers to Brian
for introducing us to his
lovely platonic friend,
who is way better at soccer
than he could ever be.
(laughing)
- Cheers.
- Cheers, you guys are
all so nice, so nice.
- Yeah actually, do
you play anywhere else,
because we're always
looking for more girls
on our Monday league.
- Oh gosh, not anymore really.
I used to play a lot when
I was in high school,
and then I played in a gay
league for a few years,
until I got pummeled
over by a tractor trailer
with bangs named Rhonda.
(laughing)
- Rhonda.
- Rhonda.
- Rhonda.
- Yeah, my knee and my
hips just click all day.
I feel like a robot, but anyway.
Yeah, today was so refreshing to come out
and get my kick on.
- Yes, you do have a fine command
of the full-sized kicky sport game.
But how do you fare at
the miniature soccer?
What the Germans call kicker.
- They don't call it kicker.
- They call it kicker, they do.
The Italians call it
jitz, we call it kicker,
the rest of us call it foosball, yeah?
Yes for foosball, yes?
- Yeah, no thanks, I
puked last time, buddy.
- No fcking way, I'm up at 6:30 a.m.
That'll murder my brain.
- Oh, certainly someone is for the foos.
- No, I vowed never again, so I'm out.
- No.
- I gotta work tomorrow.
- Oh, okay Maggie, you just quit your job.
And Nate, I do believe
that you wake up at noon
and then masturbate until 2:30,
is that about the schedule, yes?
- That's my job.
(laughing)
I have a webcam service.
(laughing)
- But why would foosball
mess us up anyway?
- Oh, you have no idea.
- What?
- It's not fair to everybody.
- What don't I know?
- Let's explain.
- Why?
- You like to play?
- But of course.
- Then let's do it.
- Let's do it.
- Let's do it.
- Things are about to
get very interesting.
(upbeat techno music)
- Sh__ on a horse!
- Fck!
- Son of a b_tch.
- It's my dog, I'll shoot her.
(cheering)
- Da da da da da.
- Arms over your head.
Arms over your head.
- That's for hiccups, that's
for hiccups, that's for hiccups.
- Here we go, boom!
- Whoo!
You guys are so bad, that was so easy.
- What is your--
- No, I got it.
- Is that painful?
- No, it's still in my mouth.
No, it's still in my mouth.
- He's gonna throw up.
You gonna throw up?
- No no no no no!
- Yeah!
- Son of a two d_cks.
- Son of a two d_cks?
- I don't know, I got angry.
- Kay, I'll do it.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
no, no, no, I have like 80 pounds on you.
You sure about this?
- Yeah, I don't need to.
- Okay, that's good.
- I think I need a breather.
How long does this game last?
- Forever.
- Long.
- Kay.
- If we're playing best
of three, I guess we lost.
I'm open to more games though.
- Course you're open to more games.
- Oh, it's sweet Maggie, sweet Maggie,
where have you been all night?
I didn't see you there.
- You didn't see me over
there in the winning team?
- Oh, you're a fcker.
- Yeah.
That's what happens.
That's what happens when
you're not on the team with me.
- Mhmm.
Hey, I wanted to say something to you.
- Is it that your shirt smells really bad?
- No, I know that.
That was a mistake huh?
- Fck.
- Probably should've
brought a different shirt.
- Ugh.
- Thanks for hugging me anyway, though.
- Yeah.
- I wanted to say that I
think you're very brave.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- I know that.
- Oh you do?
- Yeah.
- Okay, cause I was gonna give you
a big compliment in my mind, but I can see
that you're already very self-assured,
so you don't need it at all, so that's it.
- No no no, I wanna hear
it, I wanna hear it,
go go go, yeah yeah yeah.
- I think that you're very brave
for being able to just
pick up and go for it
and quit your job, that's crazy to me.
I mean, I have an amount of anxiety
just going to work at the coffee shop
and you're not there,
that amount of change
for me is way too much.
- That's pathetic.
- I know, I know.
- It's sad.
- It's truly sad.
But I'm very impressed with you, so.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- You can be brave too, you know.
- Hmm?
- Mmhmm.
If you actually had the balls
to go after what you want.
- Thanks Maggie.
- You're welcome.
- [Nate] What's up, b_tches?
- Yo.
- Would you like some?
Thank you for asking.
So my darling, what is your
favorite kind of donut?
Is it jellious?
Ooh!
- Wanna get out of here?
- [Brian] Hey, you hungry?
- [Vanessa] Ooh, no.
- Good, cause I don't have sh__.
- I'm not...
Huh!
I can't believe you
don't even make your bed.
How do you not make your
bed, you're a grown man.
- Most people are just impressed
that I have throw pillows.
- Yeah I'm super impressed.
Ow!
- [Brian] But I use the throw
pillows as pillow pillows.
Did I get on your hair?
- Yeah.
(man mumbles)
Imagine if I was Jesus Christ. (laughs)
- If I was Jesus Christ,
I'd be hung like this.
- [Vanessa] I'm supposed to laugh at that?
- Yeah. (laughs)
- Smell my socks, because
I love soccer stink.
It's so fcking hot in here, oh my god.
Ow, ow, you pinching my bum?
Are you pinching my bum?
- [Brian] A little bit.
Ugh.
Hey Vanessa.
- You can pinch my bum again if you want.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- Come here.
(groaning)
Come here.
I wanna kiss you, come here.
- Shut the fck up.
(groaning)
(laughing and snorting)
What?
- Nothing, you just look really pretty.
- I think I need some water.
- Like now?
Okay.
I'll get you water, because I've had
to pee for the last three hours.
(muttering)
(sighs)
Vanessa, I got you agua.
(mumbles)
Hey.
You sleeping?
(text tone)
♪ You know that I won't be here long ♪
♪ I'm a dog, you were right all along ♪
♪ You said that I can't do you wrong ♪
♪ Let's stay together,
that's where we belong ♪
♪ But I done told you ♪
