>> The letter Vav
is also the number 6.
Short top, long tail.
Short top, long tail.
You could have here, in Hebrew,
"666" on the can.
And look at it this way,
even if the "M" was not
the issue, you cannot deny that
that is a cross.
And what is witchcraft?
When the cross goes upside down.
Bottom's up.
And the devil laughs.
>> It's not like Jesus Juice has
such a glowing reputation
either.
That crusader is Christine, and
like every woman in the world,
she might be reading into
things a little too much.
My true fans know this show
is full of hidden messages.
Not much is known about the
devil, except that he is
the root of all evil, has
an awful goatee,
and he wears Prada.
All signs point to it being
Kanye.
God is like your strict father
who is always disappointed
in you, and Satan is your fun
uncle who eventually rapes you
in the butt.
If Jesus wants to appeal to a
younger demo, he's gonna have
to start showing up on
something cooler than toast.
Hell just seems like the place
to be.
None of that annoying
harp music.
Did Lucifer fall from heaven or
did he jump because he was
tired of playing bingo with
everyone's boring dead
grandparents?
And say what you will about
Satan worshippers,
but nobody's ever been blown to
smithereens just for drawing a
cartoon of him.
I don't know why Christine cares
about saving BMXers and gamers
from the clutches of Monster
Energy Drink, but I'll fly her
to L.A. as long as she promises
to say more crazy [bleep].
And if the devil doesn't like
it, he can sit on a tack,
in this week's Web Redemption.
[heavy metal music]
I should've known
you work for Red Bull.
>> I don't.
I just got an amazing deal.
You wouldn't believe how much
a car depreciates when you weld
a giant soda can to the top
of it.
>> I'd believe it.
Thank you for coming.
I'm trying to develop
my own energy drink.
Celebrities are putting their
names on these things and
they're making tons of cheddar.
Do you know what the biggest
problem I had with your video?
>> Hmm?
>> That every single thing you
said made sense to me.
>> [laughs]
Okay.
>> Your delivery was polished.
It made sense to even people
that probably thought you were a
nut job.
I apologize, but there are some.
>> It was, yeah.
>> And then how you finished it.
>> Bottom's up.
And the devil laughs.
>> It was just a perfect
punctuation.
>> God gave me that gift,
to be able to present it
in a way that was perfect.
And then he said, "Okay, now is
the time where you're gonna
go viral."
There is a spiritual agenda
here.
>> Okay.
>> And it goes right back to the
bible.
It's not flesh and blood we war
against.
It's the principalities
of the air, and if you're not
familiar with that--
>> I'm not.
>> Those are demons.
>> Oh.
As a good Christian,
what energy drink should I be
drinking?
>> Mountain Dew.
>> Ugh.
>> [laughs]
>> I think Christians should
only drink lemonade.
>> Well, of course, lemonade's
good.
>> It's nice.
What else makes the devil laugh?
>> Your show.
>> [laughs]
>> TOSH:
Taking Others Straight to Hell.
>> Thank you?
I don't know if that's a
compliment.
>> It's not.
>> What are the biggest problems
facing society today?
>> Things like your show.
Immorality.
>> You're putting a lot on me.
>> Yeah, I am, because you are--
>> You ever seen South Park?
>> You're right in with that.
>> But South Park is way worse.
>> You're still in the same
genre.
>> When the rapture comes,
who's getting it first?
>> Will you get to go?
>> Who are the first people
that are gonna be tortured?
>> Will you get to go?
>> The rapture is not gonna come
while I'm still alive.
>> According to the bible, it
will.
>> How do you know when I'm
gonna die?
Boom.
Are you worried that your video
has helped the sales of Monster
energy drink?
>> No.
If the world wants to increase
it, go ahead.
I would be interested to hear
what first quarter sales are.
>> Yeah.
>> My biggest fear is that
I speak to someone and I do not
share the gospel with them
and they go to hell for it.
>> My biggest fear is monsters.
Not the stupid drink,
but actual monsters.
Have you ever tasted Monster
energy drink?
>> Yes, I have.
I did when I first started
doing the presentation.
I figured I had to know a little
bit of what I am talking about.
>> I have never tried it.
>> Okay.
>> For the record.
There's no question that people
that buy this stuff regularly
will not succeed in life.
Do you think the head CEO of a
company is, like, calling his
personal assistant, "Hey, I'm
out of Monster energy drink in
here."
No, he's asking for some tea.
All right.
Oh, whoa!
I'll be honest with you,
that was cool.
>> Okay, now--
>> Was that the beast.
>> Can you see the connection,
when you actually put the cross
with "Unleash the Beast"?
>> I--
>> 666.
>> There is no doubt that you
are accurate about the 666,
but, I mean, they did it because
they're ad execs, and they're a
bunch of geeks sitting around
trying to be cool.
>> Or, if God uses people in
product, does also Satan?
>> He doesn't do that.
Here, I don't want us to have to
actually--
>> Now what are you gonna do?
>> Well, we--I don't want us
to swallow this garbage.
I just want us to taste it.
>> [demonic laughter]
>> Keep it down.
Okay.
Let's just, bottom's up.
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
Now, Christine, I need another
set of eyes to make sure there's
nothing subtly offensive
or sacrilegious about the energy
drinks that I'm trying to
create.
Okay, this one--
ow, ow!
It's called Stigmata Soda.
See?
It pokes you--
>> I get it.
>> Muslim Milk.
This is a winner.
>> But energy drinks are not
milk.
I don't understand your concept.
>> Muslim milk.
>> I know that.
>> Muslim milk.
Hummus flavored.
It's actually--
I'll be honest with you,
this tastes a thousand times
better than Monster.
This one's called Jewy Juice.
"Israeli refreshing."
Not bad, right?
>> What's the punch line?
>> "Is...raeli."
This one, I don't think there's
any way you can say that there's
anything...
>> Offensive.
>> Sacrilegious about--
oh, no, there's definitely gonna
be something offensive about it.
This is Dr. Huxtable's
Anti-Energy Elixir.
>> What happened to his eye
on there?
>> Bill Cosby is blind as a bat.
>> I did not know.
>> Yeah, he can't see a thing,
except for, apparently,
the bottle of Quaaludes in his
nightstand.
This is Alabama's Ice-T's Nuts.
A tea-bagging tradition from our
family to yours.
Roll T.
All right, Christine.
I really appreciate your
feedback.
I think I finally understand
the direction I need to take
my brand.
>> Well, let's do this.
Let's put the word "TOSH" on it.
Look at the acronym.
TOSH.
Taking Others Straight to Hell.
>> Why do you keep saying that?
>> Because it is true.
>> Introducing Satan's Semen.
Coat your throat with Beelzebub.
>> Now with unholy levels of
caffeine and throbbing veins
for better grip.
Served exclusively on United
Airlines and at participating
Chipotle locations.
Currently banned in the bible
belt.
[laughter]
>> [gags]
That's real.
The devil is a lie!
That was recorded a month ago,
and all we ask of anyone
who comes on this show is,
don't do anything insane before
it airs.
So what did she do
the day after she left here?
>> Celebrate the seventh Texas
Muslim Capitol Day.
We are honored--
[cheers and applause]
Thank you.
>> I proclaim the name of the
Lord Jesus Christ over
the capital of Texas.
I stand against Islam!
Islam will never dominate
the United States,
and by the grace of God,
he will not dominate Texas!
>> You are officially
unredeemed!
Just to be clear, what she did
is bad.
