I think the most common misconception about feminism is that feminism means hating men
and wanting to be better than them and have more than them.
It's literally just about having economic and political and social equality.
That's it. That's all feminism is.
They've just given it a new name for what is basically equality,
which is a human right that we should all have access to.
It's not a war.
And I certainly, as a feminist, spend a lot of time talking about
toxic masculinity or the body shaming that men face
and the ways that men are impacted in their mental health.
I consider them very, very important to my life.
Some of my favorite people in the world are the men that I know.
And so I as a feminist, am certainly not looking at men as the enemy.
I look at them as the great potential ally and as the future of where feminism needs to go.
As we look back through history, the oppressed have always, always relied upon the oppressor's mercy.
And men are currently the patriarchy are currently the oppressor.
We need them onside.
We should look at them as allies and friends and educate them and help them empathize with us,
because I think at the core, men and women aren't different.
We just live different experiences and they shape us differently.
Every job is different.
Every employer is different.
And so I recognize that you have to be careful,
especially if you are someone who is marginalized,
if you are trans, if you are disabled,
if you are a young black woman in particular, I know that you get discriminated against.
And so what I would say is find your allies at work,
find people who you are safe to talk to about the fact that you are being underpaid or
badly treated or undermined
and speak to them first and most decent companies,
I'd say almost all companies have an HR department.
That's human resources.
Make sure that you know that that is there in place to protect you
and help you access what is fair for you within your job.
I think most companies don't show fat models because we live in a very fat phobic society.
We also live in a patriarchy dominated society.
And a lot of the people who own companies at the very top, you will find a man.
Now, this is not to say that all men are evil.
It's just that some men in advertising have an ability to, not just advertising,
but company owners, record label owners, studio owners.
They have control over their esthetic and narrative of their product.
And they want to see thin women who are conventionally beautiful.
And therefore, that's the imaging they put out.
And we are still way behind in being able to see fat people as beautiful and valuable,
which they completely are.
And I really love varied types of looks, and I would like to see more variation.
I would also like to see more disability. While we're on the subject
when I look at advertising.
And also I think clothing companies don't use more fat models because they don't actually create clothes that are big enough for fat people.
So they need to step up because they're denying themselves a huge market.
And the average size of women I think in this country is either a size 14 or 16.
So it's just stupid in a business capacity to not make bigger sizes
and to not show those bigger sizes on bigger women
and men
and non-binary people.
I had EMDR therapy,
which is eye movement desensitization reprocessing therapy.
And that allowed me to be able to distance myself from the emotion that comes back from my traumatic memories.
I think if I had not had that therapy for PTSD,
which is post-traumatic stress disorder,
I wouldn't be able to do that.
It's incredibly difficult.
And you shouldn't take that upon yourself unless you can access health care that can strengthen and enable you.
And so it's because I had that therapy that I'm able to talk about things that I do without being retriggered.
I currently follow activists and writers and comedians and artists on social media and some of my friends.
But not that many of my friends.
Because sometimes people can be, myself included, very embarrassing on social media.
I'm sure lots of my friends don't follow or have muted me.
But I like to follow people who nourish my mind.
I used to follow loads of models and sexy actresses,
and it just used to make me feel like shit about myself and about my life and about my clothes.
And so I realized for my own mental health self-defense,
it was better for me not to see those things everyday because, you know,
I like it out of sight, out of mind.
And so instead, I like to follow people who are thought provoking and who nourish me rather than make me feel like shit.
And like I'm not enough and I don't have enough.
I mean there's only so many hot models in bikinis
on like really expensive balconies of really nice hotels eating a giant slice of pizza
that they definitely didn't finish that one can handle in this world.
And so I decided to stop and I'm much happier for it.
