good evening and welcome to qri where
we're all reacting rather roughly in a
show that's really rather rude
joining me is our rudest panel yet the
breathtakingly rude john barrowman
the fantastically rude phil jupiters
the unbelievably rude ashlingby
and the rudest four-letter word that i
can think of
uh allen you really must interrupt then
you can use your buzzers
john goes oh you ah
ashlyn goes show it up your ass
wow phil goes go to hell
and alan goes you flipping scoundrel
do you remember that when those were the
worst words you could think of you cad
rap scallion what the flip my world says
what the flip
waffle flip yeah fish my mother says oh
fish when you're in a boat yeah yeah
it's a scandinavian way of getting
excited
open any cupboard in the house yeah
or if nobody's showered um
our first question is are for risky
names something that is
so rude you can't say it on a bbc comedy
show
yes
uh let's try this instead uh name
something that you can say on a bbc
comedy show
now that you couldn't say in the 1950s
we're post watershed
we're allowed a fuck
only if it's yeah you have to write to
whatever the the gods of words of
television are you have to write and get
permission yeah
yeah i'll start here radio they used to
say there was a list of about eight
words they'd give you
a bbc you must read this list and i
started doing the radio back in the 90s
but the only thing we got in trouble for
really
was blasphemy well in the late 1940s
they issued something called the bbc
variety programs policy guide for
writers and producers it became known as
the green book and it was what was
acceptable for broadcasting
there was an absolute ban on jokes
regarding and i'm quoting here
lavatory's effeminacy
in men immorality of any kind and any
suggestive references to
honeymoon couples chambermaids and fig
leaves
that should cover it
the vulgar use of the word basket must
be avoided
hello mrs can i see your basket please
what you've got some melons in your
basket
now you do it like that um yes
suggestive references to ladies
underwear so things like winter draws on
you couldn't say that
and it conceded that references to noah
was sometimes permissible
um but it added since there is seldom
anything to be gained by them and since
they can engender much resentment
they are best avoided all together you
couldn't make jokes about solicitors
miners or the working
class and in particular you could not
make any joke about a specific irish
family called
the mcgilly cuddies of the reeks i
wonder who they are
they're an ancient family but apparently
several jokes have been made about them
and they took offense and even now we
should not be amused by the
ghillie caddies of the reeks you know in
ireland like there are certain words
like feck jazes and shite these are okay
they're versions of fudge
but that's why so many people in ireland
say them so something like um
father ted where are you going to drink
fat girls arse those are versions of the
work but you get away with it you can
say
the same in the states you can say
freaking freaking freaking i don't
fricking believe it and that's fine
yeah well max miller in 1944 he tells
the story about her meeting a rather
attractive
attractive woman on a mountain pass and
it included the line he didn't know
whether to block her passage or toss
himself off
and
but he got banned for five years five
years wow obviously for that uh
particular uh
well it was worth it though i know the
very first song in fact banned by the
bbc was george formby's
my little ukulele in my hand it was
1933.
he was apparently a regular offender the
bbc uh described him as
our old friend i remember when we were
bbc trained and for presenting and
everything and we were always told
you can say it on air as long as it is
in a medical book
oh i'm absolutely riddled with chlamydia
why alan is sitting between us
and the musical singer murray lloyd she
was absolutely fantastic so she was told
off for her song she had a song called
she sits among the cabbages and pees and
uh
it's gonna be too rude so she agreed to
change it and she's saying she sits
among the cabbages and leaks
you all know the movie mrs minerva yeah
there's a scene where the actor
i can't remember his name off the top of
my head he jumps into bed in his pajamas
just after he's got back from helping
the rescue on d-day
and as he jumps in bed his willy falls
out of his
pajamas guys hoping you were going to
say pajamas
off his body
and for some reason the editor at that
point in the movie obviously missed it
yeah they didn't cut it out and to this
day it's still sorry
i'm sorry we gotta go
i was doing a job recently as an actor
you have to say what nudity you're okay
with before you do like a lovemaking
scene around thing
and i my agent was texting me and they
had to do it the next day and so i don't
need the time to text her what to put
into the
contract and i was like um uh boob no
nip
top of crack fine bottom crack no and
she printed out that text from me and
framed it for me and sent it to me
no that much i say for my husband
it's good to know you've got standards
actually yeah thank you yeah
uh now you've all got some chopsticks
under your desk what is the rudest
thing that you can do with them
i think there's some food as well i say
food it's jelly babies oh
so what is the rudest thing that you can
do with them
is it break up the chopsticks into
firewood
and then get the sushi in front of the
chef and go i'm just going to heat this
up
i've been there it's what to put them
oh leave them in the bowl that is rude
but it's not as rude
as passing food from one to another
with your own chopsticks so if sean was
to pass a jelly baby
unbelievably rude do you know why like
that i feel like i've just become a
meme
let's do it again
uh oh wait wait wait wait
don't show bottom crack go
you can finish it off yourself you know
it wasn't very clear it's passing with
your chopstick to the next
chopstick it was not necessarily in her
mouth oh yeah
why do you think that might be is it
that you'd be mixing flavors of the
foods
no so it reminds everybody of buddhist
funerals so
put it like yeah what i was going to say
stand them up like terracotta
okay let's do that i'm trying to talk to
you about buddhist funerals oh my god
he's playing with jelly babies um so
you used
oh
i mean honestly this looks like a
meeting of my family
in a buddhist funeral they used
chopsticks to pick the deceased bones
out of the ashes and place them in the
urn so larger bones
you need two sets of chopsticks and so
two sets of chopsticks touching
reminds people of removing their
ancestors bones
and putting them in an urn sticking
chopsticks vertically up in food
very rude in both china and in japan
anybody know why
it looks like an opura symbol okay
there's funerals that reminds people of
justice which i used at funerals
what's the thing then when you get it
and you can you place it you know the
little
table they give you for your chopsticks
where did that come from well that's all
because you don't want to put them on
the bowl for example there are all sorts
of words
so in japan the word for chopsticks is
hashi
and then when it's part of a compound
word it's called bashi and all of these
things
are really bad manners so watashi bashi
placing your chopsticks across the
bottle like that
that's why you have the little rest i'm
quite in the mood for a watashi
naburibashi sucking on your chopsticks
saguribashi
is rummaging food rummaging and then
sashibashi
is skewering your food all of these
things in japan are terribly bad manners
you know at christmas when someone
offers you a box of roses and you're
like i love the orange ones
that's rude does anybody know what the
world record is for catching
shuttlecocks with a pair of chopsticks
oh
i'm in yeah uh look okay i have got
a uh a racket and a shuttlecock we're
gonna give this a go
okay who wants to go first do you want
to go first sure you're going up
huh ashley you want to go yeah ready
okay oh okay oh
you run it
maybe it's not catching it you have to
stab it a little bit i don't know what's
the easiest thing if i send it high
well why don't go high go high
so so this is a thing do you know what
the world record is house
exterminate jelly baby
oh no it's come back as a woman
oh my god give a bunch of performers too
much sugar
but you didn't say that you had to hit
it no it's the world record for catching
a shuttle car
but i've got to send it to you okay try
now
you ready now you've got
anyway the record is 54 in a minute
so you guys are rubbish
okay last one you ready
i'm out of breath that's the most sport
i've done in years um
now here's a real faux pas you might
know that oedipus
murdered his father but what was the
motive
because he wouldn't give him the car
keys to go on a date you are
weirdly in the right air shut
up shut the fuck down so this is in the
middle
you're not quite sure that they've got
the arms in the right place
it looks like someone behind doing the
arms like he's got his arms like that
and someone else is doing them
okay yeah uh oedipus is talking to
teresa who's a soothsayer
and he wants to know who has killed his
father and he's going to discover it was
him
he didn't know it was his father so why
did he kill his father does anybody know
he thought his father killed his father
huh
the guy he thought was his father he
thought it was about the squirrel father
that's like eastenders kind of plotted
about the car was it because his dad
wouldn't allow him to do
something it is to do with driving the
chariot
it is to do with the chariot you may
recall that oedipus was told by an
oracle that he would marry his mother
and he would kill
his i do not recall that okay and he
wasn't told he was adopted so he didn't
know who his actual father was
and one day he got into an argument with
his birth father who was the king
leias over who had the right of way and
so oedipus
killed him but he killed him not knowing
that it was his father
so this is chariot rage this is before
modern road rage um
and even before that there was carriage
rage i mean we think it's like a new
thing
what type of thing no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no
yeah best nickname in the history of
sport what's that chariots
for the rugby league player martin
o'fire
it's also the name of a very popular gay
song in central london
i've driven faster i drive yeah all the
time drive past this
drive
it's a chain so it's like it's like a
brand like mcdonald's that you recognize
you go this is going to be a nice one so
you're not going in for a big mac you're
going in for a big mac
i think we should move on so there's
always been some kind of rage on the
road there's chariot rage there was
a carriage rage so in 1817 lord byron
wrote to his friend that he just had a
row with a man in a carriage who had
shouted at him and frightened his horse
and expressed as he wrote an intention
of mending the road with his immediate
remains if he did not hold his tongue
he held it and i think that is something
we should say in road rage actually
i shall mend the road with your
immediate remains you do not hold your
tongue
you rarely see people from the past
without a beard i admire that about him
he's handsome fella i mean bob great
he's very handsome he kept a pet bear at
university
when you say a bear no i don't mean oh
okay
yes yeah byron come upstairs i'm ready
and i'm going to chariots
the phrase road rage what are we
reckoning when does it date from
1972 89 88.
88 is exactly right you get an extra
point
uh first appeared in a florida newspaper
in 1988 probably a play on what was
called
steroid rage roy yes road rage
they did a study of uh 2 400 drivers in
the united states they found that
motorists who carry guns
more likely to indulge in road rage
2019 survey found in the uk people in
yorkshire are most likely to rage
on the braves but people in yorkshire be
fair are just being annoyed that there's
a road wouldn't there
used to be all fields when they were
allowed look at this now yeah bloody
roads
roads everywhere that's very good
all going to south yeah
the only reason i moved to scotland is
so i can call people from yorkshire
southerners
now who thinks it's attractive to stand
in front of a female and shout in her
face
the entire republican party
uh so we're not talking about a person
we are talking about a creature and it
is an astonishing creature
it's the white bell bird so the correct
name is the
procneus albus and lives in the amazon
it's got the loudest call in the avian
kingdom from a meter away it averages
116 decibels
so that is the same as a rock concert
it's the same as a sort of sports crowd
or a white guy in a bar yeah the bird is
about
the bird is about this big okay that is
it's it's
wattle can you see this thing that's
hanging down it's just a single
loud note i mean it's just like a
foghorn okay have a listen to this
and what they do is when they find them
likely mates they land on a branch and
then they swivel their body face on
and they bray into the female's face and
she doesn't seem to mind i mean
she risks hearing loss at this point um
and the females judge their mates
entirely on
volume and there seems to be no purpose
to this
it is just to try and get the woman to
go wow you're
loud and i wow and i'm really fancy
what's the highest note you can sing
john i don't know i've never screamed in
a woman's face before
if i weren't doing eight shows a week
and doing a concert i'd go to b flat
sing the word berry in a b flat let me
think here gum
mary mary go on
i don't know why i picked mary but what
about shuttlecock
yeah shuttle cars
oh my god children at home watching this
trying to pick up dating techniques
so from one rude man to another whose
genitals are seven
feet longer than they used to be
don't know where they found that picture
are we talking specifically male
genitals we are darling we're
talking about a penis at seven foot
longer and the back row put his hand up
did you put your hand up danny do you
know what it is
put your phone number on there
you do not have a seven foot long billy
no wonder we had to sit you at the back
um
is that is that your girlfriend you've
stopped besides his girlfriend's six
rows in front
it's not how big it is it's what you do
with it exactly
yes that's not what you do with it
it's that you do it in your shit you do
it in bloody yards yeah
i use it to dip my vegetables
is it to do with uh uh like a medical
condition no it is to do
with a piece of art it is carved
into oh it's the
the rude man of cern it is the cern
abbas giant or the old man of cern it is
indeed known as the rude man of sand
so he's a 200 foot tall chalk carving in
dorset
have you ever seen this yes has a
notably large well he's well endowed
let's just put it that way
um but he wasn't always this well
endowed so initially
his proud member was just 16 foot long
now you would think that's quite big but
however if you think about scale so if
you imagine a six foot man has a six
inch penis
uh he's 200 foot you would imagine him
to have a 200 inch penis which is
about 16 foot long but sometime around
1908
for reasons we don't know why they
merged his penis with his belly button
um and gave him an extra seven foot
you know what's weird when i look at
that i see a shy little girl with
pigtails
licking a lollipop there she is
yeah having a lovely time god i love my
lollipop
and she's got like pippy long stocking
hair yeah and then she's just got a
little bun on her head
yeah maybe we've misinterpreted this for
years
and so we don't know how old it is there
was a survey of land in the area in 1617
no mention of him at all
either wasn't there or it had been
overgrown i don't know by the 1760s we
start to get
uh references to him so certainly
there's a 1764
edition of the gentleman's magazine and
that's got a drawing in it including
measurements when he had the smaller
are you sure it wasn't the ladies
magazine hey
ladies couldn't read at that time
i don't really know why he's there it's
possible that it was a parody of
cromwell and dates from the civil war
that people were taking the mickey out
of cromwell it was a wonderful campaign
in 1921 there was a mr long
from gillingham in dorset and he hated
this thing and he
had a campaign that uh the giants
genitals should be hidden with a huge
fig leaf
and two local bishops thought this was a
marvelous idea and apparently the home
office
thought about it um but didn't actually
do it anyway he's been covered up lots
of times 1992
some pranksters made a giant pair of
jeans for him
yes that reminds me of me in high school
sitting at a desk and oh no it's coming
out
what lesson
yeah wow that's weird the teacher was
what was his name
not telling you
2002 he was given a condom uh by the
family planning association
and in 2007 a protester known only as
the purple phantom
painted his entire penis purple um
using what how do you dye grass uh
with dye
now there's nothing ruder than someone
with bad time keeping but
who is always a little bit late well is
it to do with astrology
because now we're not all actually the
one under the star sign we think we are
yes that is the case but that is not
what we're talking about it's a small
amount of lateness
uh weirdly the stars are sort of
connected to it
it's very important because of the
interconnectivity of the planet that we
all run
on the same time is it greenwich mean
time is the
the clock or something i don't know just
behind no it isn't greenwich oh that was
a lovely guest that's a nice guess
it's a very nice there's an atomic clock
is it in switch it
is to do with the atomic clock you are
absolutely right you get an extra point
there are 50 or more national labs
around the world which all run on atomic
clocks so
what they do is they measure the
vibration of cesium atoms
okay so one second is defined as the
time it takes for a cesium
atom to vibrate nine billion one hundred
and ninety two million six hundred and
thirty one thousand seven hundred and
seventy
times that's that number of times per
second
okay for it to vibrate and then each
clock around the world sends all of its
data to paris to the international
bureau
of weights and measurements and they
collate it so this process is called
coordinated universal time and it is
used
throughout the world except in one
country the russians north korea no
one's not denmark
it is denmark it itself it is denmark i
think an extra 10 points
there they don't play ball with time
didn't bother
we didn't bother we never updated our
laws i don't know we were busy there was
a herring season i have no idea
we just used something called mean solar
time but because the danes have
failed to play ball we are pretty much a
quarter of a second late to every
meeting
certainly explains the fashion
have you been to denmark yeah i love it
yeah you won't be welcome now you know
that right
it's all right i just say i know you
passport nah sandy sent me oh that is
okay please come
here you are a quarter of a second
so it's called coordinated universal
time but the acronym is utc why do you
think that might be
because isn't that milk yeah is that no
that's
you ht thank you sorry yeah and then
there's pmt do not buy that milk
so utc it's called so in french it would
be
universal so tuc
and apparently nobody could agree so utc
was just a compromise
it doesn't actually mean anything why do
you think we have 60 seconds and 60
minutes
i mean there was a lot of early attempts
to do time keeping why do you think we
went for 60 minutes
is it birds
good another lovely guest from john
isn't he boring
you know when your three-year-old says
something and they're trying to be
clever and you want to go that yes
no that's yes
i'm coming off that sugar high right now
sandy is a bird
i always thought it was just mathematics
yes but why so why is it because of all
the factors in 60.
yeah so uh 60 is a fantastically useful
number because it can be divided by 12
other numbers to make fractions easy and
you can go back four thousand years to
the ancient babylonians who probably the
ones that came up with the idea of the
60 minutes they just got it from the
birds they didn't they just got it
the birds
can i do a little bit of sandy mythology
that i'd like to break
yes i heard a story that a young sandy
toss fig was at potentially cambridge
university
and someone was talking about how
cavemen or whatever you used to use
like they found old versions of
calendars that cavemen would have like
30 things marked out in them and a tiny
tiny danish hand went up and was like
why in the hell
would it be a caveman and not a cave
woman and they were like what like why
would
a man need to know 30 days has passed
that's clearly a woman invented those
calendars for obvious reasons
is that a fact
that is thought to be the the world's
first calendar and it's actually got 28
markings on 28 i said i was sitting in a
lecture and somebody said
uh this is the man's first attempt at a
calendar but clearly no man needs to
know
28 days we fucking do
it's called the shangy bone but the
thought was first put to me by a
wonderful
uh woman called dr deborah swallow so
this idea of using 60 has been around
probably for
five thousand suddenly four thousand
years and the romans and the greeks
borrowed that
um but they didn't take the bit about 60
minutes for an hour
and so hours whatever length you needed
them to be so in the summer you could
have an hour that was you know 75
minutes long and then in the winter
you could have an hour that was maybe 45
minutes long i have to say that
scandinavians would have had
hours that were 15 minutes uh long in
the winter uh so the vikings had a
completely different way of telling time
they would divide the day into eight
parts and they would do this by
splitting the horizon
into eight parts and people would pick a
day mark so a feature of the landscape
that was directly above the middle of
each of these sections and then you
would know what time it was but
depending on whether the sun was over
the chosen hill or the tree or the field
at each village
uh would have these particular day marks
so you're on a viking rampage like your
people used to be
wow you're somewhere where and you're
somewhere where you don't know no idea
what time it is
oh we are late again yes we have brought
bacon and herring
someone comes back and he's like guys i
was down there by myself
like a fool rampaging all on my own i
thought we agreed a time
i'm sorry these rabbits invading yes
as a dutch rabbit yeah
why should you not have horns on your
helmet
because they didn't have one they didn't
have horns on their helmets
no it was invented by a designer for a
wagnerian opera
but these day marks that the vikings had
used to get some names so in norway you
might get uh
midax field or you might get midax horn
or midax bjerg so milk spirits
again so again i love it when you talk
the
mother tongue boy good morning
right uh we all know that it's rude to
pull faces but what comes next in this
sequence that actually looks like
take that just before robbie left
very good which end are we adding so
we're adding to the right what's the
next one
is it vomit it is vomit it's known as
bath
this it's the baxter animated wretching
faces
what it is it's used for children uh so
when they've got nausea and they can't
explain
exactly how bad they feel um then you
use this
usually with a computer screen so the
user can kind of scroll up and down
and stop at the one that that describes
how they're feeling i need to bring that
and give it to my friends for nights out
i'm like
i don't know hide out i'm bored oh
oh
yeah you're all
scale is based on a similar one called
the wong baker scale which is used
for pain so it's the same thing with
kids if you don't really know how much
pain they're in
there you are it wouldn't be helpful if
your child did not look like a moon
yeah why should you always be polite to
your doctor
what's in it for you to be polite to
your dog because they'll spit in your
drip
behind your back well it's worse than
that
i was in a veterinary surgery and i was
behind the scenes and when they bring
the animals in now when they you hand
your animal over
you don't really want to see how they
manipulate it and move these because
they'd be like this oh
thank you yeah put it in there
but why should you be nice because when
you go into surgery you don't want them
to take it out on you to flip you around
or do something
really violent with you well uh you want
them to be good at their job is that
fair
yeah yes yes okay so not that
in 2017 they did a study of surgeons in
israel and they looked at rudeness it
makes
doctors 50 percent less good at their
jobs
same answer though isn't it well they
don't take it out on you they just can't
help themselves
so what they did they performed a
simulated surgery on a child uh
all the time while they're being yelled
at by one of the child's parents and not
only did they communicate
less well they made incorrect diagnosis
they sometimes picked up the wrong
instruments and lots of the patients
that they were operating
on would have died so be nice
because you don't want your doctor to
make a mess of things
now why do the most mature people do
this
i'm staying out of this one it's nothing
to do with birds
are we talking about the very elderly
you're losing control well i think most
people do it but it is done by the most
mature people at a certain
age what age might it be oh and that's a
developmental milestone blowing a
raspberry
it is absolutely it's a very important
part of a baby's language development
yeah
so it's the way they learn how to
maneuver their jaw and their lips and
their tongue and so on
uh making loud noises and quiet noises
and the earlier a baby blows a loud
raspberry
the earlier they tend to speak and it is
a sign at that age of maturity
and then parents blow raspberries back
and that reinforces the behavior and
it's how we teach them that
it's worth making that noise because
you'll communicate john
please john
they did a study in 2018 of babies first
words and london infants are the most
rude
apparently uh west midlands
uh west midlands are the most polite uh
i love this scottish babies uh
learn quicker than others to say the
word sorry oh sorry sorry i'm so excited
sorry sorry
the montessori method of education um
they when children start to talk back
and start to question the rules they
refer to that as the age of rudeness
it's a good sign if his child is
spirited and rude it means they're
making a bit of space for themselves and
the world the alternative
is for them to slip into depression no
rudeness and talking back is a sign of
uh
of advanced maturity i mean it's
annoying but it's still a
thing household assistants like siri and
alexa are becoming more common what is
the effect on
children they don't know how to say
please and thank you maybe because they
can demand
and there's no yeah absolutely right
it's making children more
rude 42 of children 9 to 16 are using
them
and you do not have to say please or
thank you so they are making children
more rude
uh blowing raspberries is a sign of
maturity
but only in babies all of which brings
us to the fruity matter of general
ignorance fingers on buzzers please
uh name a body part that is built only
for pleasure
oh the the clitoris to say that is the
biggest clitoris i have ever seen
it's the first one i've ever seen
uh not true where do we think that oy
yes darling is it feet
no it's not feet um but i'm just gonna
say i'm just gonna finish with the
clitoris
so it used to be thought that it was the
only uh human organ whose cell function
was pleasure
one of the things that we now know it is
actually fantastically clever so the
clitoris informs the brain
uh that it's time to create the very
best swimming conditions for sperm so
it's in men's interest to engage the
clitoris in what's going on
um and bright man at the back yeah
remember that when you were younger that
it's a word that's gone out of use
there used to be erogenous zombies yes
people would say
what's your erogenous zone yeah basildon
what a day for that lady to go modeling
yeah
yeah neither here nor there no you know
when you buy a chicken and it hasn't
been plucked properly you know
looks like desperate dan's chin is it
the paranoia uh
no so uh we're still on the part the
appendix
no it's a part of the brain that is
entirely wired for pleasure and it is
called the nucleus
accumbens uh it is basically oh i forgot
the the question was pleasure and i was
like is it the appendix
no um so it's the bit of the brain that
when we feel rewarded
in some way we eat food or we take drugs
we have sex or whatever uh
it fires in dopamine into the body and
makes you feel good
so it's it's the bit of the body uh that
is there just for pleasure
you should just do that a lot then well
you help yourself yeah oh i feel great
i'm just gonna say i don't think that's
gonna do it okay
which country's national poem begins
with the words oh lithuania
hmm
uh no it's poland uh so your family
comes originally from lithuania do they
know yes mister
dad's family they are they are from
jupiter
yes from vilnius um but the answer is in
fact it's from poland it's from their
national poem
so there was a poet called adam mikowitz
and the opening verse begins oh
lithuania my country thou
art like good health i never knew till
now how precious until i lost
thee so why is it part of the polish
national anthem do we think
are they slagging lithium no so there
used to be the polish lithuanian
commonwealth um so
we missed you yeah basically we missed
you uh longest national anthem in the
world
anybody have a guess north korea it's
greece
oh uh it's got 158 no that's a musical
it's not a national anthem sandy it's a
great musical stars a woman called sandy
uh so 158 stanzas in the greek one they
only used two
because you know like who would do all
that my favorite
congo's national anthem asks and if we
have to die
does it really matter
what could it mean when you smell burnt
toast you're having a stroke
pleasing image that is to see those
words
it means you've overheated your bread
it's really honestly just that
they say if you smell burnt toast or if
you feel like you're starting to droop
who tells you this a doctor you've
shouted at
it's a common misconception no but you
know what's really scary though because
my husband must be doing something to me
because every morning i wake up like
they're smelling burnt toast and there's
never any toast to eat
he's making me think i'm having a stroke
pantosome is when you think you can
smell something so you're having an
olfactory dysfunction no i think my
husband's actually burning toast in the
morning and trying to get me to think
i'm having a stroke every morning that
wakes me up in a panic he's gaslighting
you yes so you are not having a stroke
you are not having a brain tumor
if you had a stroke it doesn't affect
particularly your sense of smell and
there is no specific scent that you
should look out for
you are unlikely to be having a stroke
if you can smell toast you're more
likely to be having breakfast
yes uh why shouldn't you flash
in an art gallery
if you take a photograph with a flash it
couldn't bleach
lots of people do think that it will i
don't know bleach the delicate color of
the paintings or something
it's not true why then in order for any
damage to be done you'd have to have a
flash
as powerful as the ones inside of
professional photography studios
and then the effect would be so small
it'll be invisible to the eye
but probably the best argument that
first of all you'll get a terrible
photograph
um also it's very annoying for everybody
else also does it make the gallery less
money if everyone's just taking pictures
and go you don't need to see it guys i
got a picture
because like you know the mona lisa is
very hard to get a picture of because
once you're there so many people in
front of it
well i found hilarious about the mona
lisa when i went to see it i mean the
so that's good
so far so far it was going well for you
yeah no
you know what i'll bail out from that
adding though
oh
i've actually because i'm 57 i've
genuinely forgotten what i was going to
say
the best argument for not flashing in an
art gallery is that
it's a little bit rude uh all of which
ungentlemanly and unladylike conduct
brings us to the slightly tackless
moment
where we find out just how useless
everybody has been uh
so let me tell you in last place oh
with -10 it's the audience
uh in fourth place well a complete
disgrace with minus five it's phil
sticking my tongue out with miners too
it's ashling
you're taking away fucking snoop with -1
it's alan
in first place flipping everybody the
bird
with one point it's john
thank you so much to aisling john phil
and alan i leave you with these wise
words from the founder of a nation u.s
president george washington
the foolish and wicked practice of
profane cursing and swearing
is a vice so mean and low that every
person of sense and character
detests and despises it wow what a
boring twat he was
thank you and good night
you
