>> OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS,
I AM IN A GREAT MOOD, MY WIFE
AND I ARE CELEBRATING OUR
6th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY,
HAVE I BEEN MARRIED SIX YEARS.
YEAH, I LOVE MAY WIFE T IS VERY
IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP TO
DO THINGS TOGETHER AND WE DO.
WE PLAY THIS NEW GAME AROUND THE
HOUSE CALLED DOES THIS BELONG
HERE.
(LAUGHTER)
THE GAME STARTS AND I'M JUST
ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP.
THAT'S WHEN 14E LIKES TO HOLD
SOMETHING UP, DOES THIS LONG
HERE, NOPE, YOU WIN.
SIX YEARS, I AIN'T BEEN RIGHT
YET.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO ARGUE.
BECAUSE I CAN'T WIN.
I'M OUTNUMBERED.
EVERY ARGUE IN MY HOUSE IS ME
AGAINST MY WIFE AND ALEXA.
HONEY, THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID,
REALLY, ALEXIA PLAY IT BACK.
IT ST MY FAULT, HAVE I TO
IMPROVE MY COMMUNICATION SKILLS
BECAUSE I DIDN'T GROW UP THAT
WAY.
MY FATHER PASSED AWAY.
MY MOTHER IS CONVINCED THAT MY
FATHER SAY GHOST, MY FATHER'S
GHOST IS IN THE HOUSE AND THE
GHOST ISN'T TALKING TO HER
BECAUSE THEY'RE FIGHTING.
I CALL MY MOTHER EVERY WEEK, STT
SAME THING, HI, MOM, HI, ADAM, I
AM FINE, I THINK YOUR FATHER IS
WELL, HE'S IN THE OTHER ROOM, IS
HE STILL NOT TALKINGK HE THINKS
I AM GOING TO APOLOGIZE FIRST,
TRYING TO SCARE MEE BY BLANGING
DOORS AND FLICKING SLIGHTS ON,
I'M IN THE SCARED OF YOUR GHOST
STUFF, JOE, TILL DEATH DO YOU
PART, MY ASS.
HOW ARE YOU, HONEY.
THANK YOU, I DON'T LIKE BUOYANCY
EITHER.
MY MOTHER IS TOUGH, SHE MADE A
COP CRY ONCE, SHE DID.
YOU KNOW WHY I PULLED YOU OVER.
>> I AM NOT A MIND READER,
MISTER.
I WAS SPEEDING SO I WOULDN'T BE
LATE AND NOW I'M NOT GOING TO
GET THERE AT ALL.
YOU HAPPY?
THOSE TEARS DON'T IMPRESS MEMENT
YOU GET BACK IN THAT CAR AND
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.
PIE BROTHERS ARE IN THE BACK
LIKE OH, DON'T SHOOT HER, IT
JUST MAKES HER MAD.
THOSE BULL EPTS BET EBB-- BETTER
BE SILVER OR SHE AIN'T GOING
DOWN.
I PLAY A LOT OF COPS ON TV.
I WILL BE HONEST, I DON'T KNOW
WHY, BECAUSE IF I WAS A COP IN
REAL LIFE I WOULD CALL FOR
BACKUP FOR NO REASON.
I REALLY WOULD, THIS IS CAR 54 I
NEED SOME BACKUP BECAUSE I'M
FEELING KIND OF VULNERABLE.
SEND THE CANINE UNIT, I LIKE TO
PET THE DOG OH YEAH, I'M A MESS.
I WORRIED ABOUT EVERYTHING.
AND I OVERTHINK EVERYTHING.
THE WORST PART OF THE DAY IS
WHEN I LAY DOWN TO GO TO BED AT
NIGHT THAT IS WHEN ALL THE
HORSES LINE UP FOR THE ANXIETY
DERBY AND THEY ALL HAVE THE
WORSE CASE SCENARIO, AND EVERY
NIGHT PEACEFUL MIND IS THE LONG
SHOT, AS SOON AS MY HEAD HITS
THE PILLOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN T IS A
BEAUTIFUL NIGHT FOR RACING HERE
AT CATASTROPHE DOWNS WHERE HOPE
DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE.
THE FLAG IS UP AND THEY'RE OFF.
PEACEFUL MIND STUMBLED OUT OF
THE GATE AND IS BEHIND MOVING
OUT TO THE A QUICK LEAD IT IS
DID I TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT DID I
TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT, ON THE
OUTSIDE, WHY DOES MY SHOULDER
STILL HURT.
ROUNDING OUT THE PACK IS DAMN, I
FORGOT MOM'S BIRTHDAY AND WHY
HAS SHE NOT TEXT ME BACK.
GOING INTO THE FIRST TURN IT IS
HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO PAY
FOR THAT?
HOW AM I GOING TO PAY FOR THAT,
I THOUGHT TUESDAY WAS GARBAGE
DAY, MY SHOULDER REALLY DOES
HURT, WHO THE HELL DOES SHE
THINK SHE IS AND PEACEFUL MIND
IS WAY BACK.
INTO THE BACK STRETCH, WE HAVE A
NEW LEADER.
, COMING UP ON THE OUTSIDE, IT'S
THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID.
THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID,
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THAT MONEY
IS GOING TO COME, FROM HOPEFULLY
THE GARBAGE WILL BE ALL RIGHT
FOR ANOTHER WEEK, MOM WILL JUST
HAVE TO FORGIVE ME AND PEACEFUL
MIND HAS NO CHANCE.
IN THE FAR TOWN, DOWN THE
STRETCH THEY COME, MY SHOULDER
IS SHOT AND THERE IS NO WAY I
CAN PAY FOR THAT AND I CAN SMELL
THE GARBAGE FROM HERE.
SHOULDER TO GARBAGE, MY SHOULDER
TO GARNLG AT THE WIRE THUNDERING
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE, IS IS MY
WIFE REALLY HAPPY?
(APPLAUSE)
THE THANK YOU GUYS VERY MUCH, I
REALLY ENJOYED MY TIME WITH YOU.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: THAT WAS UNKNL,
WE'LL BE BACK.  AVAILABLE NOW.
