

### Frequently Asked Questions:

### Emotions & Feelings

### By

### Jesus (AJ Miller) &

### Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck)

### Session 6

Published by

Divine Truth, Australia at Smashwords

http://www.divinetruth.com/

Copyright 2015 Divine Truth

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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### This ebook is a collection of answers given by Jesus (AJ Miller) on the topic of emotions and feelings. The answers were given in an interview with Mary Magdalene (Mary Luck), who posed frequently asked questions from members of the media and public, on 20th May 2014 in Wilkesdale, Queensland, Australia. In this session Jesus discusses issues such as; the primary emotions of grief, fear, anger and addiction, our justifications for shutting down the experience of painful emotions, and what it means to truly 'experience' your emotions rather than to just 'sense' them.

### Reminder From Jesus & Mary

### Jesus and Mary would like to remind you that any document produced by Divine Truth containing any information from Jesus, Mary or any other person includes only a portion of God's Truth that they have personally discovered.

### It does not and cannot contain the entire of God's Truth since God's Truth is infinite and humankind will forever continue to discover more of God's Truth as we progress in receiving more of God's Love.

### Please remember that due to these limitations information contained within this document may need to be revised in the future.

### Many other ebooks have been published by Divine Truth, including ebooks translated into a variety of different languages.

### Please visit <http://www.Smashwords.com/profile/view/DivineTruth> or www.divinetruth.com for further information.

### Additional sessions on the subject in this book can be found on www.Smashwords.com/profile/view/DivineTruth

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Table of Contents

0. Introductory Comments

1. Why can't I see or feel that Love conquers fear?

2. Comforting a child waking from a nightmare feels right, but is it loving?

3. How should I deal with anger or rage at a particular person?

4. Can you experience grief fully without experiencing fear first?

5. Is being emotionally shut down always a sign of fear?

6. Why do I want to hurt myself so much?

7. Why do I refuse to deal with the true cause of physical pain?

8. Why do I feel like I will never get out of the tears?

9. Does 'feeling' fear but not experiencing it actually release fear?

10. How much is spirit influence increasing my fear?

11. Why do I like alcohol & drugs so much to make me feel happy?

12. How do we address any emotion without going into a facade?

13. Can there be justified anger?

14. Am I responsible for others' pain?

0. Introductory Comments

Well, welcome again to our frequently asked questions sessions.

This time we're doing emotions and feelings and it's session six of this series of questions and answers. I'm with Mary again today and she's going to ask me all the questions. We'd like to thank her for doing so and also thank all of those people who've sent in their questions; there are still many, many hundreds of questions regarding emotions and feelings, even after this session, that we'll have to answer.

We're hoping today to focus more on people's general questions. Some of them are about fear, grief and other emotions but some of them are also about technical issues, I suppose you could call it, about emotions where people want to have some intellectual knowledge about what goes on with their emotions and feelings.

We'd like to get started with the session and Mary's going to ask the first question so we'll hand it over to her.

1. Why can't I see or feel that Love conquers fear?

**Mary:** This person says: "I've heard that 'love rules,' and 'love conquers all' including fear. When I live in fear I don't seem to recognise this. Is this because I can't see love when I live in fear? Or am I just so desensitised to love and so invested in fear? What will it be like when 'love rules'?"

Well again, there are a lot of sections to this question, so let's go through them. Firstly the whole love rules, and love conquers fear, - they're slogans which a person will never feel until they actually let go of their fear as an emotional experience. When the average person considers love, they actually feel quite a lot of fear even when they feel about love, and that's because the fear itself is dictating how they interpret love to be. Quite frequently that's why we enter co-dependent addictions and then call them "love". So while true love does conquer fear, the reality is that you must first conquer fear before you can feel it and that's why true love conquers fear. The majority of people don't go through their fear and they try to create a fictitious place where they believe themselves to be in pure love but they're carrying around large amounts of fear.

Obviously, while you're doing that it's going to be very, very difficult for you to be sensitive to love. It's also going to be very difficult for you to even feel it, let alone understand it; to understand love you must feel it, and to understand true love you must feel true love. Most people understand what I would classify as co-dependent addictions, calling that "love", and unfortunately that's where most people's relationships on this earth are. They are in co-dependent addiction with each other. They call it "true love" especially when most of their co-dependent addictions are met by the other person. If very few of their co-dependent addictions are met by the other person then they don't call it "true love" so much; they just call it fear or some other kind of name or term that we give to "love" being involved in our relationships.

I feel that firstly we need to give up the slogans. We need to say to ourselves, "Well even if love does conquer all fear and even if love is a beautiful thing I don't really feel it. There must be a reason why I don't really feel it and I need to be honest with myself that I don't actually feel it."

In fact, you need to be honest with yourself about any emotion before you can actually feel the reasons why you feel the way you do. It's no good trying to convince yourself that you're love or that you're loving while at the same time you're in denial of most of your emotions because in the end you're not loving; it's quite simple.

**Mary:** So it's impossible to actually be loving if we're in denial of so many emotions?

Of course. Of course it's impossible. That's why the majority of people from this earth enter the first sphere of the spirit world when they pass. The first sphere is six spheres separated from natural love even; there's so much separation between what God defines as the perfect human love and the love that we have on the earth. There are six spheres of separation in fact, between those two locations. We've got to understand that what we see love to be on earth is completely distorted, completely out of harmony with the way God intended us to naturally live even and this is without God's Love and the difference between human love and God's Love is like comparing infinity with a very small finite thing.

It's like comparing, if you like, the size of the earth with the size of the sun, in terms of the differences between the types of love as well. The majority of people haven't even perfected the first type of love - that's the love relating to humanity or the love that comes from inside of you out to somebody outside of you. Because we haven't perfected that kind of love, in fact we're nowhere near perfection of that kind of love, we have a lot of misunderstanding about what God's Love would be.

So that's the first thing that needs to be said in answer to the question. Then I think we should remind viewers of what the next part of the question was, where she asks the first question, if you like.

**Mary:** So yes, the first question was, "When I live in fear I don't seem to recognise that love rules or love conquers all ..."

And that's very true. When she lives in fear she can't recognise love at all. You can't, and that's the truth.

**Mary:** The next part, and really the question which I probably should have asked earlier, she asks, "... so when I live in fear I don't seem to recognise that love rules. Is this because I can't see love when I live in fear? Or am I just so desensitised to love and so invested in fear?"

Yes, it's not an 'or;' it's 'yes,' you're all of those things. You are desensitised to love completely and we are desensitised to love because on this earth what we view as love is just co-dependent addiction and what is real love we can't recognise at all so yes, you're completely desensitised to love. We also have the other problem and that is that we are so locked into fear. Fear can't see truth; fear can't see pretty much anything other than fear generally. Unless you feel it and release it, you're never going to see either the truth about love or the truth about anything else. Of course, fear has a large bearing on what we see or examine love to be, what we feel love is. We're going to think that anybody who allays our fear, who makes our fear go away or reduces our fear, loves us; that's what we're going to think and that's not love at all. In fact that's why the majority of people on earth don't feel loved by God because God does not make your fear go away, God does not reduce your fear. God doesn't need to because God knows that if you accepted God's Truth you would automatically be less afraid. God's created a universe through which we can be less afraid as long as we accept more truth. That's the proviso: we must accept more truth to be less afraid.

We've just gone into darkness because one of our lights have blown so we'll just fix that up.

Sorry about the darkness. We just tried to fix that; it was a light going off at the time.

To recap, we were just talking about how co-dependent addictions cause us to believe that love is co-dependent addictions. This is the problem that we face on earth: that we're constantly feeling that when somebody meets our addictions, for example if we feel afraid and somebody makes us feel safe, we automatically believe that that person loves us. God doesn't do things like that and as I discussed just before the power went out, God doesn't make our fear go away because God knows we have fear because we're not accepting the truth. Once we accept all the truth, in particular all of God's Truth, we will have no fear and therefore we don't need to have anybody make our fear go away. That's the beautiful thing about God. If we do everything God's way, in the end the fear will disappear and we'll also be able to recognise real love.

The problem is that the majority of us are completely desensitised to love because we are only sensitive to someone meeting our addictions which we call love. The majority of us have a huge amount of fear so we're desensitised to truth. We want the false things to be true and that's what fear is; that's what causes our fear in fact. Because we want the false things to be true, we're unwilling to accept the truth and the sad part of that is that the truth will actually help our fear go away as long as we feel it. In other words, the truth will expose the feeling or emotion of fear within us, and if we are sensitive enough to allow the feeling of that emotion the fear will dissipate. As the fear dissipates we'll come to feel the truth. We will actually feel the truth as an emotion, not an intellectual thought.

**Mary:** So co-dependence can make us feel like our fear has gone away but it's just suppressed, whereas when we receive God's Truth it exposes our fear, we have the opportunity to release it and then the fear is gone forever ...

Gone forever, yes, gone forever out of the soul. There are very few circumstances in the future, and very unusual circumstances, where it may return but nobody on the earth needs to worry about that. If they allow themselves to process through their fear in that manner when the truth exposes their fear then they will find through the process that they will become fearless, and as they release more fear they are more open to the truth. Therefore, because the truth is the doorway to love, they more open to seeing love and recognising it and also allowing the feeling of it. In other words, allowing God's Love to enter them and even allowing other people's love to enter them, true love to enter them, they'd now even be able to recognise when someone else loves them rather than that person being in a co-dependent addiction with them. We become much more sensitive as a result. The only reason we're desensitised is that we're not facing the truth and we don't want to. Why wouldn't we want to? Because it confronts our fears and we don't want our fears confronted. That's the only reason why we would remain in the condition we are currently in.

Now she asks the last part of the question, doesn't she?

**Mary:** Well it sort of links to what you've been talking about. "What will it be like when love rules?"

Now I must first address the presumption or the premise in the question. Everybody asks me, "What will it be like when...?" The reason why these kinds of questions constantly get asked is that you have yet to experience what it's like then. You want somebody to tell you, "Oh it's going to be okay, you'll be okay, don't worry." You want somebody to allay a fear. You'd be far better off feeling, "Oh I've got no idea of what it's going to be like then and isn't that a bit scary," than asking me the question: "What is it going to be like then?" - that make sense? Now sometimes when we tell people the truth about what things are going to be like, it gives us hope. That's what the person here is looking for. They are looking for hope, looking for something to hope in that gives them enough desire to want to address their fears and to also want to actually start to feel God's Love. Now I feel there are many, many hundreds of things that could be mentioned to help a person have that hope. I'm not saying that having that hope is a bad thing; in fact it is a good thing.

But real faith and real trust in the things that somebody states to you will only occur once you've processed fear, once you've actually gone through the emotion. It doesn't matter how many things I list of what it will be like once you've dealt with fear, it doesn't matter how many of those things I list, you are still going to remain in fear and therefore not be able to feel anything I'm saying to you. It's only by going through the fear that you'll be able to feel any of the good parts about what it feels like to not have fear. This is the problem with many of these kinds of questions. All these kinds of questions do is feed the intellect but they don't give you any confidence or make any emotional shifts in you enough to actually have you deal with the actual emotion that's preventing you from having the good experience. I would prefer to see people saying, "I'm petrified about what the future might be in any direction," (which is probably more like the truth), "and even though I'm petrified I'm going to trust God. I'm going to trust that if God is leading me through this process, whatever the results are must be good because God is good. If I don't feel those things then I need to feel that God is bad and I need to go through my emotions about why I feel God is bad," and there'll be a whole heap of emotions there as to why you feel that as well.

You can sort of jump ahead with your intellect but the problem with jumping ahead with the intellect is that eventually you convince yourself that you've made emotional shifts that you have not made. Now of course the Law of Attraction, through your soul-based projections, will bring to you events demonstrating to you that you haven't actually made a change. Unfortunately, you might of convinced yourself that you have and then you start blaming other people for those particular attractions. In other words, you say, "I'm all nice and loving now so it must be all your fault that you're attacking me or all your fault that this particular thing happened to me," rather than going, "Okay, this thing's still happening to me. I'm the centre of what's happening to me here so therefore I've got to address something or I've got to address some kind of emotion inside of me that's causing these events to occur."

I feel that these kinds of questions where people ask me, "What will happen when...?" when they have not even engaged feeling fear... The question then becomes, "Well, you're really getting way ahead of yourself here," and this is one reason why in the spirit world very few people ever get told any new truth other then the next one they need to work on. Because otherwise they get so way ahead of themselves that they try to convince themselves that they've dealt with a whole heap of things that they've never dealt with.

I find a lot of people on earth doing that with the Divine Truth. They're trying to convince themselves that they're way, way ahead of where they're actually are. That being said, obviously once you've released fear and you've accepted God's Truth, which means you've had to be humble to do so, as long as you have a longing for God's Love, you will start to receive God's Love. Once that occurs you will have proof that everything will be better. As long as you received God's Love you'll have proof that feeling fear and letting go of fear is to your benefit and you'll have proof that everything I'm talking about with regard to your emotions is true.

Until you do those things you will not have proof, and if you search for intellectual proof after intellectual proof before you even go through the experience, the experiment if you like, with your emotions, then all you're going to do is get nowhere. This is even what most sixth sphere spirits do. When they come and talk to us, they're asking me all these questions about emotions and all these different things just like most people on earth ask and then I say, "Do you want to engage the experiment?" and they say, "No," and what's the point? If you don't want to engage the experiment just be honest and say "no," but there's no point in having a further discussion about emotion unless you're willing to engage emotion and understand it. Then we can have some further discussions about emotions; then we can talk about what the next step is.

That's what I would encourage people who ask these kinds of questions to do. Engage the process and you'll find yourself asking a lot less questions because you'll now trust God, you'll now trust the process, you'll know it's true, you'll know it works and you won't need to be convinced by somebody trying to encourage you and telling you a hundred hopeful things to make you feel like it's all going to be okay.

**Mary:** With this question, I mean this person's asking, "What will it be like when love rules?" I sort of feel like love already does rule the universe. It's just that we personally elevate our avoidance of fear to such an extent that we can't even see what love is, as you mentioned with the co-dependence. We don't recognise that every law that's governing our existence right now is based on love and is designed to help bring us to love, so what it will be like when love rules? Well it'll be like this. When we decide to act in harmony with it then we will begin to change ...

Yes, but the reality is, as you say, it's very important for people to understand isn't it, that love is already ruling, so it's going to be exactly like it currently is when love rules. Now the only reason it is so painful for people on earth is that the majority of people on earth are totally in disharmony with love. That's why there's so much pain and suffering and that's also why they don't even think love rules. The reality is that love rules every single event that happens to you. Every single event is controlled by laws that are all governed by love, so to then assume that love doesn't rule is another presumption that is obviously false. Love always rules but of course you're not going to feel that when you're in opposition to love. When we're in co-dependent addiction we're in complete opposition to love and therefore we're in the pain that naturally results from our opposition to love. It's from our opposition to love, not from the world's opposition.

Our personal pain is a direct result of our own personal opposition to love. We are personally in opposition to love when we feel pain. When I'm saying pain, any emotional pain, any physical pain, any pains at all are indicators that we're in opposition to love; we ourselves are, not the world, we are. This is where most people go wrong, because they blame the world outside themselves and say, "Oh, love doesn't rule this world." Yes love does. Love completely rules this world. It's just that we're in so much opposition to it and unfortunately, so are billions of others, that we are getting the complete results of our own opposition to love and all the laws are trying to correct us. All the truth is still available to us but we're just in complete opposition to it. We've got to remove the opposition and this is what I feel most people don't do.

All the opposition comes from a lack of understanding of truth. That comes from fears and other feelings generally, but it also comes from things like using our will to oppose love, purposefully using our will to oppose real love, purposefully using our will to feed our co-dependent addictions. Of course when we do all of those things we're not going to think that love rules because the reality is that in our world we are attempting to rule rather than love and our condition is so far out of harmony with love that there's going to be so much pain that's attracted to our life as a result. That's why it feels to us like love doesn't rule but it's all of our own creation and we bear the direct responsibility for that. There are a lot of misunderstandings and premises in these kinds of questions. While I can answer the questions more directly, the whole premise of the question is usually so flawed that there's not much point answering the question directly.

2. Comforting a child waking from a nightmare feels right, but is it loving?

**Mary:** The next question is from David. He asks, "Comforting my daughter if she wakes up from a nightmare and is scared feels right. I naturally go to hold her and tell her as much truth as I'm aware of. I say things like, 'I believe that there's a spirit world and sometimes these people will scare us but they are just people like you and me, sometimes wearing masks like at Halloween but daddy will always do everything I can to keep you safe.' I say I love her and that I will work on myself, so that there will be less and less of this happening to her. I just want her to know what I feel might be happening and in the end to comfort her. I can see there's a fine line between going to addiction (not taking responsibility for what I attract, and basically comforting myself), between that and being a loving father. Where do you guys feel that line is? Would it be better and more loving just to feel my fear at that moment?'

Well David, there are a lot of things you're skipping over here again in this question. Perhaps what we need to do is analyse things in the question itself a little bit more deeply. Because I have met you I obviously know what emotions you're also avoiding so let's talk about some of those. Firstly, your daughter feeling fear and waking up from a nightmare feeling fear does not necessarily mean that you are afraid. If you look at what is happening in the event, you are coming to rescue a woman who's feeling fear. That's what's happening here. You are rescuing your daughter who is feeling fear and you in the process get to feel like you're a good dad, and to be honest, this is exactly what is happening between you and women. So David, the first thing that we need to be aware of is that you're really in this co-dependent addiction here and you're acting it out with your daughter. Now, you're actually acting it out with every woman in your life. Your daughter's fear is a reflection of your wife's fear rather than your own.

That's the first thing he needs to understand. His daughter is waking up terrified because his wife is terrified when she's either asleep or awake and the daughter waking up terrified is a reflection of her own denied emotional experience.

**Mary:** Her mother's own denied...

Her mother's own denied emotional experience. I'm losing my voice again. Just let me stop.

I should just mention to everyone I'm getting a bit hammered today from spirits and so forth. I've had a busy day already so that's why my voice keeps going on me but hopefully it will clear up as we progress.

Getting back to the subject: the relationship that he has with women is this. He is the rescuer. He meets many of his own addictions by becoming the rescuer. He gets to feel like he's either a good father or a good husband or a good man and he's mostly rescuing women so he gets to also have projections at him that are more sexual in nature, particularly from his wife, and when his wife does not give him those feelings he then feels sexually inadequate. So he's looking to feel sexually adequate through the feelings that he gets projected at him from his wife. Of course his wife's in a lot of fear and we know that because his daughter is in a lot of fear. His daughter is not in fear because of his fear; that's the first thing, and so this question, and this is similar to many other questions that we get, demonstrates that a lot of times the person asking the question has no real reflection of what's really going on. They don't really understand what they've attracted, and why. When a woman goes into fear around David, David feels he must rescue her; that's what's going on. He doesn't want to feel why he's got to rescue her; he doesn't want to feel what he gets out of rescuing her so he goes into his addiction and rescues.

While I'm not saying that to hold your daughter and remind her about the truth is a bad thing, because I don't believe it is a bad thing, in this case it is driven completely by his desire to rescue a woman from fear. Now if it was me with his daughter, I would be saying, "Let yourself feel your fear, let yourself go through your fear, let yourself experience it," and if it was me, I would also be getting my wife into the room and saying, "You have got a lot of denied fear because your daughter keeps on waking up with denied fear and I keep feeling like I've got to rescue her and unless you deal with your denied fear our daughter is going to keep waking up with it." David doesn't want to do that with his wife because he finds that it's very, very difficult to confront any emotion in his wife without his wife becoming disappointed with him, and as soon as she becomes disappointed with him he then feels like an inadequate man.

In other words, he does not stand up for truth in the relationship with his wife and his wife is in a lot of fear. His daughter is naturally going to reflect the fear of his wife; that's what's really happening. And he, through his own addictions, wants to feed the fear and make it go away and then feel good about himself when he does, but it doesn't make the fear go away. Hence the daughter will keep on waking up in fear and that's an indication his wife keeps on not addressing her own fear. That's what is actually happening in the relationship and he does not want to address that with his wife. He would rather go and rescue his daughter. That is what is going on in this particular question.

**Mary:** So just to be clear, David's little girl is having a nightmare, he goes into the room ...

Yes. Why does he go in and not his wife? That's the first question. The reality is that his wife is not going to make his daughter's fear go away because she is in just as much fear that she denies. That's what his daughter is actually reflecting and that's why it's he who goes into the room to try to sort out her fear.

**Mary:** So that's the role he's invested in ...

He's invested in that role and so is his wife. Both of them are invested in those roles. She wants the man to make the fear go away. David obviously spends a lot of his life making his wife's fear go away. He does whatever his wife suggests is the thing that she wants him to do, and a lot of his life is actually based around pleasing his wife. This is what I would classify as a co-dependent addictive relationship. Now of course his wife probably doesn't want to hear that, and I don't know if David actually wants to hear that either, but I have met David so I know that he's quite open to hearing new truths. However, I doubt whether he's as open to discussing them with his wife as he is about reflecting upon them himself, and this is where he lacks courage. If a person is truly wanting to resolve this particular issue with the child they'd have the courage to raise the issue with their wife. The issue is the wife's unresolved fear and denial of fear.

**Mary: Y** es, and so to clarify: you were saying that basically David, going into the room and being with his daughter at that time, is confusing the issue. He's thinking, "She's reflecting my denied fear." Am I not ...

Well no, David wants to believe that the daughter is reflecting his denied fear and she's not, she's reflecting the denied fear of his wife and he wants to believe that because he gets something out of personally making the fear go away, there's an addiction involved. Also, if he confronted his wife with her denied fear, she'd probably get angry and he doesn't want to receive her anger. He's addicted to having a smooth relationship with his wife, which means that he must make his wife's fear go away as well.

**Mary:** And so really what he's telling himself is, "I need to feel fear," or "I need to feel what's really going on for me ..."

That's what he's telling himself.

**Mary:** And you're saying he doesn't really want to know what's going on for himself.

No.

**Mary:** If he was to approach this issue in a more loving way, then you're saying that he would then be feeling, "Ah, here's me in this role again. This is me rescuing a woman from fear." It may not be that he ... or he may still go in and be with his daughter and tell her the truth.

He wouldn't do what he's doing with his daughter either.

**Mary:** But the emotion coming out of him wouldn't be ... it would be different.

Totally different! The emotion coming out of him towards his daughter would be, "I want you to be able to understand that you can cope with your fear, you can feel it as an emotion. "I want you to be able to go through the experience of it as an emotion," so that's number one. He would be encouraging his daughter to go through the experience of fear rather than telling her a whole heap of things that help her get away from her fear. While he's telling her the truth at the end she won't believe any of it until the fear is gone. The fear has to go through the experience and so she needs to experience it. Now in this case, because she's a child, she's reflecting the denied fear of her mother so unless her mother goes through her own fear this problem will continue. What David is actually doing is shutting down his daughter's expression of the fear so she's going to grow up to be exactly like her mother. She's going to be denying her own fear and expecting a man to rescue her every time. That's going to be a very co-dependent addiction that he's creating in the daughter so it's actually quite a dangerous thing to do what he's doing, even though he's telling himself that he's telling her the truth.

From an emotional perspective what he's telling her is that she needs a man to rescue her from her fear. That's what he's telling her.

**Mary:**... and that that's a man who loves her. He's also telling her, "You can't cope with fear; you need ..."

Yes, "You need a man in order to cope with fear."

**Mary: "** You're not able to do it on your own."

"You're not able to do it by yourself." That's what he's telling his daughter, and of course that's what his wife believes and he's unwilling to confront his wife so that's the second issue. He's unwilling to confront his wife and her fear, and the reason is because whenever his wife's fear is confronted she gets angry. That's a normal response for most people who have their fear confronted unwillingly, and he's afraid of her anger. It doesn't make him feel like a nice man when she's angry all the time and so he reverts to pandering to her fear as a result. In addition, his wife is not bearing any responsibility for the daughter's fear. Because David is not telling his wife the truth and his wife refuses to acknowledge the truth, she's refusing to see the link between her own denied fear and the daughter's expression of it.

That's very dangerous for both of them. Through her denied actions, she is basically now encouraging her daughter to go into fear, and at the same time encouraging her daughter to need a man to rescue her, which is exactly the addiction that she, his wife has with him in their relationship. So this is not a very good situation and I can't agree that the course of action taken is the best course of action. While he is telling her the truth he's not telling himself the truth and he's not telling his wife the truth and of course he is encouraging the addiction in the daughter. Therefore this girl child is going to grow up to be an adult who eventually gets, probably in her case, a man at some point and what she going to demand of the man? To do exactly what daddy does. And when that man doesn't do what daddy does what's she going to think of that man? She's going to be angry ...

**Mary:** Well angry; she'll certainly believe he doesn't love her. She'll want to dismiss him and find another man who will take away her fear, who's not necessarily ...

Correct, and she'll call a man who takes away her fear a man who loves her, which is the complete distortion of love. God doesn't take away our fear. God expects us to feel it and experience it. That's what God expects, so he is creating an addictive nightmare for later on in her life, by not working through his own addictions and also not challenging his wife to work through hers.

**Mary:** If I could clarify that with you, you're basically saying that it's important that David and his wife, the parents of this young girl, actually deal with the co-dependence in their relationship, because I know that sometimes when parents hear things like this they say, "Oh well, it's better to leave them alone then...

No!

**Mary:**... because then they'll learn that they can deal with fear." Actually, when a child is living in that soup of co-dependence, the emotional messages they're getting are that they can't deal with fear anyway, so leaving them alone is actually ...

The emotional message coming from mum to the daughter is: "You can't deal with your own fear. You need a man to help you." That's the feeling she has. She feels that she can't deal with her own fear, she can't deal with her own safety, she can't deal with her own security, she needs the man to do it. Every time the man doesn't do it she gets angry. That's what she's teaching her child and that's what David is teaching his child, the same thing. He's teaching, "A man will come to your rescue," will come to a woman's rescue. This is what makes a good man. A good man always comes to the woman's rescue rather than encouraging the woman to feel her own fear. Now when that child grows up that's what she's going to believe, and it's going to be a complete distortion of love. It's completely the opposite of the way God loves, completely the opposite.

**Mary:** Whereas we can instil in children a confidence in their ability to feel their own fear can't we, by being with them and having that feeling within us, "You're fine, you can do this, you can go through that feeling, I'm here, I love you, you'll be fine to feel that."

"You'll be fine. Just go through that feeling, doesn't matter what it is, whether there are monsters in the room or there's bad dream or any of those things, you can go through it." But with a child you also have to address the other parent or yourself. If it was David who had all this fear - and it's not David who has this fear in the same way that the child has the fear, David doesn't have those kinds of fears, his fears are all relating to pleasing the woman - if you take that away from him, he's terrified, like, if you take that goal away from him he'd be terrified. That's why, on these particular subjects, he has never ever actually dealt with issues face-to-face with his wife, and why he has a temptation to blame himself rather than looking at what's going on for his partner.

**Mary:** What else is going on.

So you know, we can distort the whole thing. This is the trouble with a mental analytical way of looking at things. We can distort the entire thing and make it the complete opposite to what is really going on and in the process feed our addictions rather than confronting them. What David needs to do to confront his addictions is to stop making a woman feel safe, and encourage her instead to go through her emotions of fear. Now if he does that with his wife I suggest that she will probably get quite angry. He can even explain to her: "You're probably going to get quite angry with me taking this approach but honestly you have a lot of fear and I keep on pandering to it and this has got to stop if we're ever going to grow in our relationship and actually have a loving relationship. My role isn't to make your fear go away and your role isn't to tell me that I'm a great guy for making your fear go away. We need to have completely different roles that are based more upon love and not co-dependent addiction.

Now you can attempt to have that kind of conversation but as we've covered in our human relationships partners series of FAQ's, they might not respond at all. To be honest, there are some questions coming up in the human relationship partner issues where there are times when you might have to leave the relationship because the other party doesn't want to deal with any of their emotional addictions at all. But in this case I'd say that neither parent wants to deal with their emotional addictions at all. Yet, because neither parent has, and both parents are actually acting out their emotional addictions, they're bringing up a child who is eventually going to have exactly the same addictions that they have.

**Mary:** Okay, thank you.

No worries.

3. How should I deal with anger or rage at a particular person?

**Mary:** This next question is from Tim. He says, "Let's say you get very angry with a particular person (let's say her name is Megan – I don't know a Megan). You end up walking away from Megan and the situation and go into your bedroom and start smashing the pillow with your tennis racket. Is it helpful and loving to smash the pillow and yell, 'Oh f... you Megan you f...ing bitch. How could you do this to me?' I mean I'm connecting with the anger and yelling at the pillow and talking to it like it was Megan. Let's assume by then Megan is many miles away and therefore cannot hear or see this. By doing this am I still projecting anger at Megan?"

Yes of course, and also you're not understanding you're in complete addiction. The only time you wouldn't be in complete addiction doing this is if Megan is your mother or some other woman from your childhood who had harmed you in your childhood. If Megan is an adult and of similar age to yourself, and I'm assuming that's what you're referring to here, then she isn't the cause of your addictions, she's not the cause of your fears, she's not the cause of your grief. She's just an attracted event, attracted by your own soul in fact, in order to help expose within you an emotion that's out of harmony with love; that's all she is. She's not the cause of it, and this is the trouble with this kind of rage. This kind of rage, which is an adult rage, is completely driven by the addiction not being met so... is it Tim?

**Mary:** Tim, yes!

Tim, you have an addiction with Megan. I know you don't know Megan. Let's assume, lets replace Megan with the other woman you're really asking about. You have an addiction with her; you want her to meet certain demands that you have, you want her to do what you want her to do and when she doesn't do what you want you now get angry, and the anger is exposing the fact that you have addictions that you're not willing to face and feel. You don't want to face and feel your addictions because underneath those addictions is a whole heap of fears that you don't want to face either; that's why you're getting angry. You're getting angry because the expectations and demands of your addictions are not being met and these are all adult expectations and demands focused at an individual who's not, I feel fairly sure is not from your childhood. Rather, she is a person who's in your life currently and a person with whom you'd like to have a relationship I would say, and that person is not meeting your addictions.

The real problem is that all of this anger is just addiction not being met, and its damaging. It's going to damage you, it damages her further if she feels it and it's definitely going to damage any potential relationship you might have with her. It is also out of harmony with love because love would demand that you actually have a look at the addiction that drives this anger and rage that you feel. So feel angry, that's okay, feel the anger because you don't want to stop the feeling but you need to understand that it's totally because of all your addictions and false beliefs that you've got this anger. You want this woman to do something for you that she's unwilling to do, otherwise you wouldn't be responding in the way that you currently are.

**Mary:** So you're saying to feel the anger but that it's far more productive to feel the rage of not having your addictions met rather than feel the rage at the person.

Yes. When he goes and swears in his bedroom, he's not feeling the anger. He's acting out the expectation and demand and he's blaming her for it. He's not feeling the anger. When you feel the anger you don't blame the other person for it. He's blaming the other person for it, so this is not the feeling of anger, this is an addiction not being met and he's just having a big rebellious tantrum about his addiction not being met. That's all that's happening here. That's not feeling anger. When feeling anger you don't need to project it at a person, because it's a feeling that you can feel inside of you, of anger that's inside of you and you just need to feel that. You'll find, when you truly feel, that you'll just feel the frustration and anger. You won't have it directed at anybody when you truly feel that kind of anger. You'll also get closer to what it's about, which is the addiction that you want met that is not met by the relationship. So what's the addiction? Tim, you need to find what the addiction is that you have with the woman that you want to yell and scream at, or the man if it's a man, that you want to yell and scream at. Like, what's the addiction? What's she not doing that you expect her to do?

That's where you need to start and once you feel your way through that addiction, you'll feel a whole heap of fears. For men in relationships with women, there are huge fears that most men have. They're afraid a woman will run off with another man, from a sexual perspective, but also from a perspective of just wanting some security or some kind of safety or some other thing that this man can't provide. There are all sorts of fears that you might have that you're denying and getting angry about. Those fears are driving your addictions to have a woman fully engage with you all the time, fully connected with you all the time, fully wanting you all the time and also listening to you all the time and all these other things that you're demanding of this woman, which is just demand. It's not a loving relationship, you don't love her, you're in addiction, co-dependent addiction with her and by the sounds it's not very co-dependent, she's not that happy if she ...

**Mary:** Well yes. I think Tim is trying to make a hypothetical question about what happens when we get angry and how do we ...

Can I also address this issue of asking hypothetical questions? Hypothetical questions are not sincere. They're not sincere. Ask sincere questions, Tim. These are things that have happened in your life. Be honest about it, ask sincere questions. The fact that you are already distancing yourself from your own life is an indication of how much you do not want to face the fact that these problems exist in your life. Ask a question that involves your own life and is truthful rather than asking a question that you manufacture. That's very important as well.

**Mary:** We're discussing the expression of anger in this question. Can I extend that question a little bit? I know a lot of women have this idea that they're just angry at men. That's probably the group of spirits who are asking me to ask you this question right at this moment. If they're just angry with men how do they deal with that? From what you're saying, they shouldn't be just feeling angry with men?

Well their addiction is not being met. If they're just angry with men it's because of an addiction. What's the addiction? They're afraid of men and getting angry with men makes them feel powerful over men, makes them feel more secure and safe, makes them feel better than men, makes them feel a lot of things that they don't actually feel if they're honest with themselves. So in this case, him getting angry with a woman does the same thing. He's just getting angry with the woman; it makes him feel better about himself, makes him feel like he's right, makes him feel like she's got the problem and not he, and so forth. It just makes him feel a whole heap of things, none of which are true because he actually has a whole heap of insecurities and these are all fears. If you're unwilling to look at your fears and feel them, you will revert to this addictive and damaging behaviour; that's the reality. What you need to do instead is feel the past. Feel what's happened in the past, and when I say what's happened in the past, most of the time it's what's happened in your childhood formative years or what's happened through very painful events in your life.

For example, if you were fifteen or twenty or twenty-five and you were raped, obviously that's going to be a painful event. There are certain fears that came up from that painful event and there must have been a predisposition inside of your soul, of emotion that's come from your family, for that event to have occurred. In other words, your mother was probably afraid of being raped, or might have been raped or abused. Your father might have been a rapist or a child molester or a person who looks down upon women and doesn't really care very much for her and so forth, or a man who basically feels that women need him sexually in order to survive. These are all emotions that came from your childhood. What you need to do, instead of projecting them at the current relationship, is to delve back into the past and see the causes of them. That is the only way to deal with why you're angry. You're not angry because of the event, you're angry because of past events. Now you feel justified in your anger and you feel your anger is powerful and you feel your anger is good and you feel your anger is preferable to your fear and so forth, and that's why you revert to your anger. You revert to your anger because your addictions aren't getting met. It is far better to go back to the addiction and go, "What addiction's not getting met? Each addiction covers a fear so what's the fear that I have here?"

A lot of times when we've been harmed, the fear is that we deserved it, and we were told that we deserved it as a child, we got harmed further as an adult, we were told we deserved it then, and after a while we feel we deserve it. Then we get rebellious about feeling that feeling and we go into these other rageful places, rebellion places, tantrum places. They aren't going to help us progress. To help you progress, what you need to do is go back to the causes of these particular problems, and that means going back to what you're terrified about and feeling your terror about it rather than reverting to rage. So this kind of adult anger is completely purposeless actually. It also harms other people and therefore we become a participant in the harm of others, which degrades our soul condition. In other words, we get darker in our own soul as we project these kinds of rages towards other people.

**Mary:** You've spoken in the past about when you feel angry to go and punch a punching bag or let it out in some way.

But I'm now talking about the kind of rage where you're connected with it, not the kind of rage where you're blaming someone else for it, so I go outside and go "rahhhh," you know but it's not at anybody, it's just a feeling of frustration inside of me that's built up to the point of rage and I just release it. Then I feel, "What am I frustrated about? Oh that's what it's about. I just wanted this to happen, or there's my addiction, I just wanted this to happen or I wanted that to happen and it didn't happen. Now I can start to analyse, "Ah this is all about this emotion or that emotion. I'm not open to feeling it obviously." So I can pray about developing a desire to be open to feeling that particular emotion or that particular fear that I'm trying to resist so that I don't get angry in the future. Once I work my way through that emotion and receive God's Love about that situation I won't get angry in the future from the same event and that's proof that I've finished, that's proof that I've done the job of releasing the real cause of this problem. When we keep on getting angry with the same person over and over and keep getting frustrated it's not a lack of love in them that causes that. It's a lack of love in ourselves that causes that and that's what we need to focus on and address.

4. Can you experience grief fully without experiencing fear first?

**Mary:** The next question is from Deidre. She says, "Can you still experience grief if you don't experience any fear? I have only experienced fear (shaking legs) twice, yet I have been emotional (that is crying) a lot more than twice."

Well, as I've pointed out on many occasions, women would generally prefer to feel grief rather than fear. Unfortunately, the kind of grief they're feeling is not the causal emotional grief that's going to heal them but rather the rebellion grief of not getting their addictions met, so I would suggest to Deidre that mostly what she's experiencing is not her causal emotional grief but rather the rebellious addiction grief that comes from having a tantrum and not having your addictions met. The reality is that you won't get below your fear into your causal grief unless you're willing to feel your fear. If you've only felt your fear twice, and for a very short period of time, then I would suggest that you're quite resistive to feeling fear and therefore you've probably got quite a lot of addictions, and therefore you've got a lot of crying to do when those addictions don't get met. What happens to the average person when their addictions don't get met is: they cry or they get upset, but the reality is that it's not causal grief that they're experiencing. The proof of that is that their life isn't changing.

I know Deidre as well, and I know that while her life has changed a little it hasn't changed very much and that's an indication that she's not getting to causal grief even though she's done a lot of crying. What she's doing is actually what I'd call rebellion or tantrum. It's a grief that you experience when your addictions do not get met. You're far better off to focus on your addictions in a more positive manner, to have a good look at them and analyse them and feel about them, feel the actual addictions in play, feel why they are unloving.

Most of what happens to us in terms of our life is caused by the choices that we have made that are unloving. Most of us are making choices, every single moment of every day, that are unloving, while we believe they're loving. That's the sad thing about our life. This is why most people have not progressed very well on the Divine Love Path because to actually get to causal emotion which heals you, you have to be very, very honest with yourself. The majority of people are not that honest with themselves unfortunately. They cry and they go, "Oh, AJ says it's good to cry because I'm feeling my emotion. Isn't it wonderful! I'm crying, I should be progressing, oh five years later it still feels like I'm crying about the same issues but why aren't I progressing? Oh, all this Divine Truth stuff's all crap."

That's where the average person goes but they go that direction because they're not actually honest with themselves. They haven't felt any causal grief, they've only felt the grief that comes from not having their addictions met and that kind of grief is a tantrum and it does not heal anything. In fact, it's a projection out onto the world or other people that's actually harmful to you and the other person, so feeling that kind of grief rather than looking at what's underneath it actually degrades your condition. So while you're allowed to feel your emotions of grief that you've self-deludedly created if you want to, it's not going to benefit you in the long run. You need to get into feeling the addiction you have and then feeling the fear that drives it and when you do that then you'll start to actually feel quite a lot of grief. The average person has quite a lot of grief to feel, and it wouldn't surprise me if, once the average person starts getting into their grief, once they get into it fully and open heartedly, it might take them a few years to feel through all of their grief because it usually took fifteen years for it to enter them, and so there's quite a lot of it.

**Mary:** Yes okay, thanks!

5. Is being emotionally shut down always a sign of fear?

**Mary:** This next question's from Johan. He asks, "Is being emotionally shut down always a result of fear, or a tell-tale sign of fear?"

Well yes, it's always a result of fear and terror. That's the reason why we become emotionally shut down, but we also need to understand that fear as an emotion is a whole set of belief systems that are all false. The reason we become emotionally shut down is because we believe, emotionally believe, a whole heap of things that are completely false from God's perspective. That's the primary reason why we become emotionally shut down; it's a choice that we make to continue in our belief systems that are false. Truth is going to help us open that up; truth is going to help us expose the beliefs inside of us that are false and in the process of exposing them, if we allow some of the emotions to flow during the exposure then of course we start to become emotionally sensitive and it's great to be emotionally sensitive.

In fact, in the end we want to be completely emotionally sensitive and open. That is the best way of progressing, once we're emotionally sensitive and open. However, it probably took me over one whole year of effort before I became emotionally sensitive and open and allowed myself to connect to that inner child within who was injured and hurt. For the average person it probably takes longer than that to actually connect to that because there are so many false beliefs surrounding feeling that inner child's experience. Most of those false beliefs were usually established by the environment, our parents in particular. Our parents browbeated their belief systems into us, of why we should not feel specific emotions. Then often they used emotional techniques or violence, abusive techniques to reinforce their belief systems inside of us and so most of us are petrified of feeling any emotion as a result. Because of that we also become very emotionally shut down. Every person who has manic depression or depression is emotionally shut down from experiencing their emotions, and I would suggest to every person who has manic depression or depression that they look very sincerely at the techniques their family used to shut down their emotional experience, in particular their emotional experiences of anger, but also of fear and grief. Because you get to the point where you shut down everything and that's why you get depressed, so mental illnesses such as depression are the direct result... they're not really mental illnesses, they're emotional illnesses. I wouldn't classify them as a mental illness but rather an emotional illness caused by the suppression of emotions during our childhood, and the only way to undo their effects is to allow ourselves to examine our childhood with more honesty, and allow ourselves to begin to feel some of those childhood emotions. To do that we need to become sensitive to the inner child, the child who experienced those emotions and locked them all up at the ages that those emotions occurred.

**Mary:** Yes.

6. Why do I want to hurt myself so much?

**Mary:** "I've had more struggle with self-harm lately than I have had in the last few years. My guides have told me that I would prefer to harm myself than feel my pain. I have recognised and felt a little bit of hating myself and wanting to harm myself (it came up one day when I got a really bad headache). I've had feelings of being really angry about being responsible for things that have happened to me. I have spoken to God about how, because I feel so responsible, that I just don't want to be responsible for anything, not even myself, but I still can't feel why I hate myself so much and don't understand why I would want to destroy myself."

Well firstly, I would like to say to this lady, "Yes, your guides are correct." I'm assuming again that it's a lady; I'm not sure, but yes, your guides are correct. You would rather harm yourself than feel the real feelings that are going on within you and if you look more sincerely at what the guides have actually said, even though I don't think it's actually included here, but the feeling I have from the guides is that they've actually said more to her than that. They said to her, "You'd rather harm yourself then feel your own pain." However, they were also trying to tell her why she would rather harm herself than feel her own pain, which is all about how she has been sort-of abused in her childhood and in her life. It's all about the fact that she would prefer, she's been taught to prefer, to harm herself than to feel the harm that was perpetrated by her parents towards her. She was taught emotionally by her parents to do that; she was taught to accept the blame for everything that happened to her, and in fact the rest of her question demonstrates that, that she has been taught that, and she thinks she now has to accept the blame for everything.

You don't have to accept the blame for everything. You only need to accept the blame for things you actually did that were your fault. When you were a child very little of what you actually did was your fault even though your parents suggested or blamed you or emotionally told you, or physically through punishment told you, that it was your fault.

So what she would rather do, she would rather punish herself because that's what she was taught to do by her parents. She would rather punish herself than feel that her parents are to blame and to feel that her parents are at fault and to feel what her parents actually did, which is the true extent of her pain. She'd rather punish herself than feel her real pain. Now this can go on forever; it can go on for a long period of time until she stops doing it to herself. She needs to come to the terms with the fact that she did not create this childhood pain. No matter what she did, she did not create this childhood pain.

A child, by nature, automatically experiences all of its emotions without needing assistance. If the child has emotions suppressed, which is what the parents generally do with the child, then the child accumulates pain. Therefore, all of the accumulated pain inside of her is not the result of her own fault, it's not all her own choices; it's the result of, or the fault of, the choices of her parents. Unless she faces that fact she will never get out of this cycle of blaming herself, so this is where most of her effort needs to be directed. She needs to direct the effort towards dealing with the feelings associated with how she was attacked and suppressed by her parents rather than blaming herself for everything that goes wrong in her life. Of course she is now in rebellion about even taking any responsibility for anything. Usually people who have been treated like this during their childhood want to actually avoid any responsibility now for any decision. They want to avoid any responsibility for self-care, they want to avoid any responsibility for determining what they do with the rest of their life, they want the government or somebody else to look after them, they refuse to do any work to look after themselves and that's all the rebellious emotion, the anger-based emotion avoiding the fear associated with the childhood experience of grief.

This is the problem that she faces and to be frank, a lot of people face exactly the same problem. A lot of people face this problem where they either revert to self-punishment or they blame the world rather than feeling their own pain about what happened in their childhood experience. There is a direct relationship to their refusal to acknowledge the truth of their own childhood, so I would suggest, if she's finding it difficult to acknowledge the truth of her own childhood that she maybe goes along and finds a psychologist or psychiatrist of some kind who doesn't put her on a drug but rather helps her go through the emotional process of finding the truth about her own childhood, as to why she feels so self-blaming and self-punishing now. It would be very, very helpful for this person to do that.

**Mary:** The last part of her question says, "I can't feel why I hate myself so much and I don't understand why I would want to destroy myself." Really, what you're saying there is that that desire, that urge, feels so strong in her because it's in place of her feeling what happened in her childhood, so she's ...

It's not only that. She has a high amount of fear associated with feeling what happened to her in her childhood because of what her parents did whenever she felt in her childhood. Her parents always blamed her for whatever they created in her. As a result she's learnt that the only way to get the approval of her parents is to continue to blame herself and so she does that automatically. Of course it's a spiral that usually goes out of control eventually and even causes suicide.

It's an angry spiral really; it's an anger directed towards oneself, which is a repeating of the anger that the parents directed towards you. If you allow yourself to feel the level of anger and rage that your parents directed at you, you'll find that they were the cause of this suppression and also the cause of this learned behaviour.

Once you go through those emotions you will not want to harm yourself but rather you'll probably feel like harming your parents, which is progress in a direction, not the solution but it is progress, in the sense that you are at least now assigning responsibility of this harm to the people who created it. You also need to progress beyond that point and go through the emotions, the painful emotions, involved of their creation and get to forgive them. That's when you'll be completely free of the actual things that they did, but while you blame yourself you're avoiding that entire process. Psychologically, while you blame yourself you let yourself off the hook of blaming the person who actually created the problem. Unfortunately you then get into this place where you become exhausted blaming yourself and then you feel like just exiting life.

Honestly, every person who exits life and arrives in the spirit world with these emotions feels exactly the same emotions even in the spirit world so the whole suicidal death is pointless. Instead you would be far better off allowing yourself to go through the process of actually feeling the pain associated with the childhood experience. Now if you're finding it difficult to connect with the pain associated with your childhood experience and identify the pain associated with your childhood experience then my suggestion is to get some professional help to help you identify and see the pain of your childhood experience. Even if that professional help doesn't help you go through it emotionally, you can at least identify it and then go through the emotions yourself.

7. Why do I refuse to deal with the true cause of physical pain?

**Mary:** Next question's from Linda. She asks, "Why do I want to torture myself by not dealing with the true causes of physical pain?"

Sometimes I feel like saying I don't know. Why do you want to torture yourself? (Laughs) Honestly, I can probably say for Linda, because I know Linda, that why she wants to torture herself rather than feel the true causes of her physical pain is because she feels that the emotions which are the true causes of her physical pain are too hard to feel and she would prefer to torture herself than feel them, and that's sad. Like, the fact is that many of us are so afraid of dealing with emotional pain that we'd rather harm ourselves further physically than deal with our emotional pain. Many of us would rather have cancer and die than deal with our emotional pain. Emotions that cause cancer, so there's a direct correlation between many of these diseases that we eventually get and also finish up dying from, to our avoidance of the actual emotional pain that creates them.

Now to reverse this is the real question that Linda's asking. "How do I reverse this problem?" Well, by developing a will to actually go through emotional pain, by understanding that there are huge benefits of going through emotional pain, understanding that your relationship with God is dependent upon your being willing to go through emotional pain, understanding that God wants to help you go through your emotional pain, have trust in God that God wants to help you go through emotional pain, understanding that God's universe has been created to help you release your emotional pain and so forth. These are all things that you can start to reflect upon. Develop a will, a desire enough that you're willing to go through your emotional pain rather than create physical pain. That would be my suggestion. Allow yourself to go through the emotional pain, then you will not be torturing yourself with physical pain anywhere near as much and that's the beautiful thing. Your body finishes up releasing pains and you finish up having no pain at all in fact. With myself I've found that that's been the case a lot. I had huge amounts of pain by the time I was 33 years of age and I did wonder many times whether I would die in my early 30's as a result of the amount of pain I was in.

Once I started to engage my emotions, almost all of my physical pain disappeared and it was only the emotions that I refused to engage that were causing any other physical pain other than the ones that I had went through and released. I used to be a terribly sickly person as a result of my complete denial of my emotional pain and at some point I had to get to the point of saying, "Okay, I've had enough of this now. I'm not going to do this anymore. Instead I'm going to choose to feel my emotional pain. I'm going to choose to go through my emotional pain no matter what it takes, no matter how long it's going to take. I've been doing it for nearly seventeen years now, something like that, eighteen years and there are still things I need to address and deal with myself, things that have been very stubborn. I'm now down to the things that I had that caused sickness and illness in me when I was two years of age, one year of age so I've now got rid of almost all the other things. But there's obviously still resistance and that's why I torture myself with my own physical pain because I'm still resisting some emotions and I, like everyone else, need to start acknowledging at least that our physical pain is directly caused by our resistance of our emotional pain.

8. Why do I feel like I will never get out of the tears?

**Mary:** The common feeling within me is, "Will I ever get out of the tears? Why do I feel this way?"

You feel this way because you're actually feeling the tears of rebellion, the tears of what I'd call the tantrum. You're not feeling causal grief. You're not feeling causal grief because you've yet to go through your addictions and you've yet to go through your fears. Every person who feels the tears of their addictions not being met gets in a cycle. They get in a never-ending cycle; you can cry for the rest of your life and never deal with anything that way. Eventually you become exhausted from crying but you still haven't dealt with anything and that's telling you; if no change is occurring, you're actually processing a self-deception emotion, your tears are self-deceptive. They are caused by you denying your addictions and/or crying when they're not met. It's all about the avoidance of processing through your addictions. That's the reason why you're in this never-ending cycle of dealing with tears.

A person who is truly progressing does not do this. A person who truly progresses sees that the tears are the direct result of their own false beliefs, their own fears, and a direct result of them wanting their addictions met from their false beliefs. They want to cover their fears with their addictions and they want their addictions met. When their addictions are not met they revert to crying and they're not seeing that the tears are a direct result of their desire for their addictions to be met and they're not being met. They don't want to feel their addictions and so they're not being honest with themselves. My suggestion is, "If you want to get through this never-ending cycle of tears you're going to need to be far more honest with yourself and see that you're actually crying in a tantrum."

**Mary:** What would a person be feeling if they were in their causal tears? Why wouldn't they be having that feeling, "Will I ever get out of the tears?"

They feel it being released from them right at the time they're doing it, they feel a change in their body, their Law of Attraction will immediately change, there'll be an immediate joyful response to their attractions - there are so many differences between that and where this person is. If you're crying over and over again without any change happening in your life then it's an indication that you're not addressing the right thing. Usually it means that you're not addressing your issues of addictions and you're just having a good cry because you think that's the way you've been taught to have a tantrum. Most people are just in a tantrum really, when they're crying.

That's not processing emotion at all. That's not processing through addiction, that's not processing through fear, and it's certainly not processing causal grief. When you feel the causal grief you'll feel relief afterwards. You won't cry about the same thing again, in fact. In fact, if you think about the same thing again it will hardly bring a tear to your eye at all, and you'll get to the point where it won't bring a tear to your eye because it's all been cried out. You can remember the same events and you won't cry about them anymore. The same events will not happen to you again either, by the way; in other words you won't attract the same events anymore. Your attractions will be very different. You'll attract different people into your life; the old people will probably leave your life, many of them, because they'll probably remain in their own addictions for a while, and new people will come into your life and your life will change.

These are all indications that you've actually made progress. If these things don't happen and you're just going around in a cycle then you're not actually making progress at all. You're just going over and over and over and over the same old thing, and the same old thing is that you have addictions that you don't want to face, and whenever you don't get them met you want to have a good cry about it as if the world's going to respond to your tears, and the world won't respond to your tears in addiction. The universe only responds to you releasing a causal emotion and causal emotions of grief are not based around anger or rage or addictions or fears. They're all much, much deeper than that and we need to get into those if we really want to have a change in our day-to-day life.

9. Does 'feeling' fear but not experiencing it actually release fear?

**Mary: "** Does feeling afraid or feeling your fear but not experiencing it actually release any fear at all?" I think we need to clarify a little bit what this person's asking, don't we?

Well firstly you can see how the person thinks! The person thinks that feeling is not experiencing. What? Like, no! When you're truly experiencing an emotion you are fully feeling it, you are fully experiencing it and feeling it. What she's doing is thinking about her feelings or remaining in the feeling or acting in the feeling without feeling it. That's what she's doing and that's very, very different to experiencing it and it's very different to feeling it. Feeling it is the same as experiencing it, so there's already a mistaken belief in the question. In the question she's basically saying that you can feel something without experiencing it. No you can't. You can't feel it without experiencing it and if your trying to convince yourself that you are feeling it without experiencing it then you're not being honest with yourself. When you experience the emotion that's when you're feeling it. Until then you're not really feeling it; you're just sitting on it. You're just living in it, sitting on it and it's locked up inside of you.

She needs to allow herself to look at all of the material regarding how the human soul functions and that way she'll be able to actually understand that experiencing the emotion is feeling the emotion.

**Mary:** Yes, and what we often call feeling an emotion is just having a sense of it but preventing it overwhelming us.

Of course; it's fighting against it.

**Mary:** It's sort of, "Oh there it is no, no, no, no..." and we say we're feeling sad or afraid or angry but we're ...

No, when you're truly feeling sad you'll have tears running down your face. When you're truly feeling happy you'll be laughing and smiling and so forth. When you're truly feeling angry you'll be yelling and screaming and carrying on. When you're truly feeling ashamed you'll really feel this hot flush of shame come over you. When you're truly feeling emotions you have all of these physiological and verbal experiences. When you're truly feeling and you let them go, you let them happen; you don't judge them, you just let them flow. That's what happens when you're truly experiencing and feeling an emotion. Now she's basically saying in this question, isn't she, that you can feel afraid or feel your fear without experiencing it. No you can't! You're just sitting on it, you're avoiding it. You're avoiding your fear, you're avoiding feeling afraid, you're running away from it, you're trying to suppress it, you're trying to resist it; that's what you're trying to do.

So look at all that material on how the human soul functions, about resistance, suppression and this kind of stuff, about how a good emotion can't enter you unless a bad one leaves you. All these principles she needs to understand. An emotion can't leave you unless you experience and feel it. They are the same thing. She's not feeling an emotion; she's got an awareness that the emotion exists within her. She's petrified of it and she doesn't want to feel it.

**Mary:** So if we rephrase the question as it was perhaps intended...

No it wasn't intended, but go on, rephrase it as you intend.

**Mary:** Oh well whatever, as I intend.

Well I believe quite strongly that there's this belief in this person that you can do something magical to experience your fear rather than feeling it.

**Mary:** I feel that they're really asking, "Does my having a sense of my fear or an intellectual awareness of my fear actually release any fear at all?"

I think I've already clearly answered that question over and over again in all of these presentations. No. If you have an intellectual awareness of your fear you are not feeling it. You are not experiencing it, therefore it will never release from you. Most of the people with regard to fear ask this kind of question and the reason why most people do not want to feel the emotion of fear is that the emotion of fear is an uncomfortable emotion to feel. It's one of the worst emotions to feel. Mind you, there are other emotions that can be just as bad to feel. Sexual shame, for example, is a pretty hard emotion to feel too. There are some emotions though that are just more difficult to feel than others because of their power, how strong they are and fear, or terror, is one of those emotions but the answer is still the same. It's just an emotion that you can feel. God designed your soul to feel it. There is no single emotion you could ever feel that's going to damage your soul. What damages your soul and what damages you psychologically is not feeling it; that's what damages you. Your attempts to shut down and keep your emotions under control is what damages you. It's not the expression of these emotions, the feeling of these emotions that damages you, it's the suppression and the resistance to the emotion that damages you. This is why I recommend that this person has a good look at how the human soul functions and looks at all of that material that we've presented as FAQ's.

**Mary:** I think a lot of us, because of the nature of fear, because, as you said, it feels unpleasant, most people, especially women, have never had the experience of being overwhelmed by fear their entire life.

And then others, like men, are fear junkies. Some men are fear junkies and they can't handle grief. It just depends on what we've been brought up with as to what kinds of emotions we generally don't handle.

**Mary:** So because of that, because of the nature of fear, a lot of people then want to say, "Oh but I think I felt a little bit of that. Did that help?" and that's just the symptom of the fear isn't it? It's the feeling, when faced with the truth that we're going to have to feel this to get it out of us, a lot of us then go, "Oh hang on, I had a little sense of it. Did that help?"

And if you're asking, "Did it help?" it didn't help.

**Mary:** I feel that's what this person's asking.

Yes, when you go through a causal emotion of fear or grief or some other related causal emotion there is a sense of relief and peace afterwards. Also, when you ask for God's Love to enter you, at that time you get God's Love entering you and it's such a peaceful place that you know you've done something different, you know for certain. You don't need to ask anybody. You'll know for yourself that you've done it. Probably, for the first time, you'll notice when you first begin this process, when you have that one experience. It's getting to the point of having that one experience and to do that we've got to get through our addictions. We've got to get through our denial and our suppression and that is the hard work. The hard work is getting through your layers of denial, getting into your layers of addictions, getting through your layers of addiction, and actually beginning to feel your fear. Once you get into beginning to feel your fear, things can progress more rapidly after then, because you will now have some experiences where you release some fear and the next day you'll sleep like a baby, as the saying goes. You'll have a peaceful day, the Law of Attraction itself will instantly show you that your soul has changed. Things around you will respond differently to you. Everything around you will demonstrate to you that you've actually made a change. If you've got to ask the question, "Have I changed?" you probably haven't. You've yet to get through your addictions or your denial, and so I'd suggest for someone asking this question, look at your denial and look at your addictions. That's the place for you to start.

10. How much is spirit influence increasing my fear?

**Mary:** This question is from Mario. He asks ...

Hello Mario! From Sweden I gather?

**Mary:** I think so. Yes, he's Mario from Sweden. "How much is spirit influence increasing my fear?"

None at all. This is something that a lot of people tell themselves. When they hear about spirits they go, "Oh these spirits are doing this to me," or "these spirits are doing that to me," or "these spirits are increasing my fear" or whatever. No, they're not increasing it. It's already there. They're attracted to it, they're manipulating it, they're using techniques to heighten it so that you can start to feel it but it's actually a positive attraction. Your soul is attracting these spirits in order to help you understand that your soul is in fear and whenever they say, particularly whenever they suggest things to you that cause your fears to increase, it's not that your fears are increasing, it's that you're now becoming sensitive to what fear is really there in the first place. There's a big difference between increasing fear and actually feeling the fear of what is there in the first place.

It's increasing his ability to feel the fear that's present in him already, that's what it's doing and it's a loving process because that's what he needs to do. He needs to allow himself to feel the fear that's already there in the first place, and while those spirits are not around him then of course what they're doing is ... if those spirits weren't around him he probably wouldn't be sensitive to the fear that he has in the first place and so therefore he wouldn't feel it.

There's another aspect to his question though, and that is that if we have spirits around us and we are not feeling our fear, they manipulate us by using our fear to do other things or to believe other things or turn us to anger. Spirits do this very easily because they find the injury in our soul, which is quite apparent to them because they can see the colours of the injury. Then they try to manufacture events around us or suggest words to us that we're sensitive to responding to, because we're open in this regard to that particular problem, and so they suggest things to us or make things happen around us that cause us to act in harmony with our fear. In other words, do what our fear dictates or, to be more specific, to do what our addictions dictate to suppress our fear. This is one major way in which spirits gain control of a person on earth. They use the person's desire to meet their own addictions, the person on earth. to meet their own addictions. Most people on earth have a desire inside of themselves to meet their addictions, and so these spirits use that desire of the person to meet their own addictions, to meet the addictions of the spirits as well. Of course they'll be very attracted to a person who is willing to go along with that and they'll get very angry with a person who is not willing to go along with that. Most people on earth are very afraid of anger, and very afraid of attack and so they'll do almost anything a spirit suggests as a result, but that's not the spirit increasing their fear. The spirit is exposing their fear, so that's how we need to see it.

So my suggestion to you Mario, if you think a spirit is increasing your fear, is that it is not true. The spirits are exposing the true level of fear that exists within you and that's what you need to be aware of, and that is a loving thing. It's a loving provision, if you think about it. How else would you feel this level of fear without somebody exposing it? You need to let yourself feel it so that you can release it.

I've had tremendous amounts of fear inside of myself, so frequently I've been surrounded by spirits who are trying to increase the level of fear that's inside of me and I've allowed them to do so, so that I can go through the experience and feel my fear properly and release it. It's helped me to release a lot of emotions that way. Just because you get attacked by a group of spirits, or attacked by people on earth, it doesn't necessarily mean it's an unloving thing towards yourself. It just depends on how you respond to it. You can respond to it in such a way that it actually helps you.

Many of the spirits who have been trying to stop me from teaching Divine Truth on the planet, over the past few years in particular, have actually helped me work through emotions that I would have otherwise been resistive to addressing.

### 11. Why do I like alcohol & drugs so much to make me feel happy?

Very simple answer: because they meet your addictions, your emotional addictions, not just your physical ones. What happens with alcohol and drugs and other substances is that they are a pretty flawless way of meeting addictions in the sense that there are no people involved and generally you're not having to manipulate another person to get the addictions met;, a substance meets it instead. Most people turn to substance abuse in order to calm down certain fear-based emotions within themselves There are emotional addictions they have and they find that the substance best meets their emotional addiction. It makes them feel happy, as they say; they want to feel happy. For people who turn to substance abuse it's very rare that a person makes them feel happy and so they turn to physical things to make them feel happy. That might be food or drugs or alcohol; they can just be things that are classified on this planet as normal, like watching television, playing video games and other things like that too. They can be very simple things that are physical in nature that don't involve people, that help you avoid the emotions that do involve people.

Usually a lot of these emotions are the emotions revolving around people. When we turn to substance abuse it usually means we have trouble interacting with people and we need the substances in order to interact with people. That's an indication that during our childhood we've had issues with regard to one or both parents that we need to allow ourselves to feel. There's usually a lot of grief associated with those particular feelings and a lot of fear associated with them and we use these addictions to suppress those emotions. That's why alcohol and drugs make you feel happy. Once you get to the stage where you want to feel your emotional addictions and you want to feel the damage that was done to you during your childhood you will find that alcohol and drugs won't make you happy at all. In fact you'll find your body and you will feel them as very toxic to yourself and you will no longer wish to take them actually.

That's how you release the addictions to substances, by actually going in or delving into the emotional addictions that drive the addiction to the substances and allowing yourself to work your way through those emotional addictions. Now of course with alcohol and drugs and other substances, there are many sorts of emotional addictions that drive us to substance abuse and it would be best ... you know we can answer individual questions about what particular emotion in the person drives them to that particular substance, and so forth. Why is it that some people are driven to food, when other people are driven to alcohol, when other people are driven to marijuana and drugs, when other people are driven to watching television all the time and tuning out of life, when other people are driven to sex, when other people are driven to work, to work harder and work longer, and all those kinds of things. What causes these different addictions?

Well, a combination of different emotions inside of us cause an addiction to a specific thing and in each case it's quite different. We can't generalise those particular things because in each person the addiction to a specific substance is caused by a combination of emotions inside of themselves and a combination of their current belief systems that need to be addressed. If you're addicted to a substance, my suggestion is to always go to get some psychological help from a person who understands emotion and understands what is underneath the thing that's driving the addiction.

12. How do we address any emotion without going into a facade?

Well, we need to understand the emotions that drive the need for a facade. If you examine the emotions that drive a need for a facade you will find that they're all about pleasing other people, making other people feel that they like you, or that they agree, making other people feel that they agree with you, that you're right or some other such emotion. They're all about what you want from other people. Facade is driven by what you want from other people in return, so to get into emotions without going into a facade you've got to give up the things you want from other people, and you've got to give them up emotionally. You'll need to go through the emotions of all the addictions that you have, of all the things you want from other people. Once you give up those things you'll find you won't revert to a facade at all. You will always be true to yourself under all circumstances. You won't revert to falsifying your own demeanour or appearance or emotions in order to please somebody.

However, to do that you have to go through the emotions that cause you to want to please somebody. You have to be willing to go through those and usually there's a lot of fear associated with those emotions. We're afraid of disapproval, we're afraid of being humiliated, being condescended to, we're afraid that people would see us as an idiot or stupid or we're afraid that they'll judge us as unloving or unkind or ... and there's just so many that we could list. Again, it requires a large deal of honesty on the part of the person who's going into a facade to find the reason why they want to. My suggestion to people is: if you know, or other people have told you, you're often in facade, look at all the reasons why you want the facade. Why are you addicted to the facade? Why do you want to engage the facade? Why do you want to portray yourself to be something that you're not?

Deep down there will be emotions of feeling like the real you is not good enough for other people but on top of that there'll be fears of what other people might do to you if they think you're different to them. On top of that there'll be a whole heap of addictions that you continually engage and facade is one of them, in order to make yourself appear to be different than you really are.

While you engage your facade you're harming yourself, because you're not honouring who you really are, the person that God created. You're also harming every single relationship because every single person thinks they getting someone that's not the real you. It's not the real you; it's somebody completely different.

**Mary:** Well, they think they're getting you and they're not getting the real you.

They're not getting the real you. They're getting someone completely different. They think they're having a relationship with the real you but they're actually having a relationship with a person who doesn't exist. Sooner or later, when you get out of your facade and into your real self, they might realise that and they might find that they don't want to have a relationship with you either. Because you've been falsifying your true self for such a long time, they might go through lots of anger and rage about the fact that you've done that. They might feel that they can no longer trust you and they might have other emotions as well. So a facade can not only be very damaging to yourself and your own soul but it can also be very damaging to your relationships. You need to work through the reasons why you're in a facade, get out of the facade, be your true self and then you'll attract people who'll enjoy your true self. You'll also feel much more comfortable with yourself.

I feel it's about going through the emotions that cause the facade first rather than trying to get into emotions underneath that. The person who goes through the emotions that cause the facade finishes up getting out of the facade and then when they get into the deeper emotions they don't revert to the facade every time they feel an emotion.

**Mary:** Yes, that's helpful!

13. Can there be justified anger?

No! Never! (chuckles) No, there is never a justified anger. All anger is a result of pretty much not meeting your addictions or not having your addictions met during your childhood and either way we've got to feel the anger. We've got to feel it but we need to get under the anger and into what the fears that drive the addictions are. And it's never justifiable to be angry even if someone's harming someone else or someone's harming your children or any of these particular things. Anger is never justified from God's perspective. Anger is always harmful and it's a direct result of you having some fear-based beliefs.

**Mary:** So it's always the avoidance of a deeper emotion?

Always the avoidance of deeper fear. Always, and you're always avoiding something when you revert to anger, so from God's perspective there's no reason for you to be angry. Therefore there is never a justified anger. You will get to the point, when you become at-one with God, that you will never get angry in fact. You will never justify it because you never get angry anyway and you never get angry in that state because you're in a state of love. Not only that, but more importantly you're in a state of truth and when you honour the truth and then you feel the truth in you you never get angry after that. In between now and that time you may get angry but it's not justified.

**Mary:** Yes. Is it true that we must feel it's justified in order to get angry? Like, we have a false belief that it is justified, or can we be angry and not really feel that it's justified?

True! The reality is that we can be angry and not feel it's justified. We can feel, "This anger is in me, I need to let it out, I need to go and bash something and yell and scream," or whatever, let this anger out but we also understand that this anger covers some deeper things and it's not justifiable for me then to project that anger at another person. That just harms the other person. Now I'm harming someone else, I'm involving someone else in my own pain. That's not justified, ever. It's not ever justified to involve another person in your own pain. You need to learn to take full responsibility for your own pain. That's the only way you're going to feel it.

It's not justified to feel anger under any circumstances at all and that statement is going to confront a lot of people because a lot of people on the planet believe that anger is justified under all sorts of circumstances. If someone kills your child, anger is justified; if someone dies around you your anger is justified. It's not justified. You need to feel it but it's not justifiable; it's all the result of false beliefs that you've imbibed that have now become emotions of fear inside of you and that's what's driving your anger. So it's not justified from God's perspective.

God's not saying, "Don't feel it." God's saying it's just not justified that you have it. You can not have it, and once you have the truth from God inside of your soul you won't have it. Once you have God's Love inside of your soul to the point of at-onement with God you won't have it so it's not going to be justified, ever. And I find this whole concept of justified anger is what causes war, it's what causes most family-based conflicts, it's what causes a lot of disharmony in families, it's what causes most acrimonious family breakups - marriage breakups - and it causes most other problems on the planet actually, this concept that "I'm allowed to be angry because you did something."

**Mary:** So you're really saying that as soon as we justify anger we are more apt to justify unloving actions taken in anger, we use it to justify ...

Of course. We use it to justify all sorts of very damaging behaviour:, manipulative behaviour, unloving behaviour, lies, we use it to justify all sorts of things, this anger that we think is justifiable. We're then taking a whole heap of unloving actions, none of which are justifiable. Like, from God's perspective every time you take an unloving action it's never justified. It doesn't matter what you believe the cause is, it's never justified. It doesn't matter what's happened to you, it's never justified. That's why every single unloving choice that you make will have to be compensated for at some future time. Gods' Laws will demand it of you in fact and because Gods' Laws all state that anything that occurs that's unloving is not justified. It doesn't matter what you think is justified, you can tell yourself, "Oh, the whole world does it so that's why I did it;" it's not a justification. From God's perspective that's just your fear of the world.

Well, you can tell yourself, "Oh I protected my wife from feeling that I didn't love her because I didn't tell her that I cheated on her," or something and then, "I did it because I was angry because she slept with somebody before," and that's not justified. It was an unloving action you took. From God's perspective you're going to have to pay the penalty of that unloving action through emotional processing that you're going to have to do and none of it was justified. It doesn't matter what your wife did. She might have slept with twenty-five people. It makes no difference. Your response is not justified. Unloving actions are never justified. It doesn't matter what the cause, what you believe the cause is, they are never justified and once we stop justifying them and just feel the pain of them we'll find that everything in the world will work a lot better (laughs) and everything in our life will work a lot more harmoniously as well. It's this constant justification of rage and anger that causes wars, that causes death, that causes abortions, causes all sorts of things and we need to stop doing it if we're really going to be loving. We need to stop justifying unloving behaviour, and anger is an unloving behaviour, doesn't matter what the reason is. We will have to go through anger, however I'm not saying we won't have to go through anger; we're going to have to, at some point, feel angry about things that have happened to us because that will help us find our addictions and it will help us find our fears. We need to go through the emotion but I'm not saying that the emotion itself is justified because it's not. You will get to the point where you don't feel it and it's great!

**Mary:** Great, okay.

14. Am I responsible for others' pain?

(Chuckles) Well it depends ... did you cause it? If you caused it then you're responsible for it. If you didn't cause it then you're not responsible for it. Now of course, it doesn't mean that they think you caused it, it means from God's perspective whether you caused it. The real determination of whether you are responsible for somebody else's pain is whether God or God's Laws determine that you are responsible for their pain.

For example, many parents claim that a child, their own child, is responsible for the parent's pain; that's not true! The parent's responsible for the child's pain from God's perspective; that's true! Quite often we have a distorted viewpoint of who's responsible so what we need to say as a correct answer to this question is, "From God's perspective if you caused the pain in that person by taking an unloving action which resulted in pain for that person then you are responsible for the pain of that person. Even if you caused no pain in the person because they were at-one with God but you took an action that was unloving towards that person, you are still responsible for what they would have felt," so even if they felt no pain you are still responsible for what the unloving action itself was. You become responsible for the unloving action as determined by God and God's Laws, not by your own laws or your own mind or your own ideals or your own beliefs.

This is where a lot of religious people get out of harmony with love very quickly. They go, "Oh, the Bible says to me that I'm allowed to pick up a sword and stab somebody with it if they are of a different religion than me." The Bible does, and the Quran both say such a thing is possible and suggest such a thing is possible. Of course, my words in the Bible say that that's not possible but then there are other things in the Bible that suggest that is possible, that it's okay to go to war for example. There are other words in the Bible that suggest that. Now if I take up arms and go to war and the justification I use is, "The Bible said it that I could," or "The Quran said I could," then I'm not following God's beliefs anymore; I'm following my own. God's beliefs are that its never justifiable for you to harm another person, never justifiable for you to take their will away from them, never justifiable for you to murder them, never justifiable for you to kill them for any reason, even if they've harmed you. That's God's Law, and every time you justify that, you're basically saying to God, "No, none of that applies," and as soon as you say that to God you've basically broken a heap of laws in the process, and you're going to experience some pain as a result of the breaking of those laws.

It's very important that we understand this important point with regard to this question. The question, "Am I responsible for others' pain?" is directly dependent upon who actually resolves whether you've caused pain or not. It's God and God's Laws that determine that, not yours.

From God's perspective, if you have caused or wanted to cause or thought of causing another person pain, you have broken one of God's Loving Laws and as a result you will become responsible for what happens.

**Mary:** And you're even responsible for the use of your will in that way, regardless of ...

Correct, regardless of whether it actually happened or not, in fact. You can even think of doing something and you've already sinned from God's perspective, you've already broken the Law of Love from God's perspective; that's how fine it is! This is why I said, and it is recorded in the Bible, that if you even look at a woman as to commit adultery with her, you've already committed adultery with her, you've already done it. Every time you look at somebody and you feel like you want to murder them, you've already murdered them. From God's perspective, there is a desire in your soul to murder that person and the law kicks into gear. The law says, "You're now responsible for any pain that person feels." That's a pretty fine law because a person's going to feel some pain coming from your soul towards them; there's a feeling coming out of your soul going, "I want to murder you," and it could potentially enter them, saying to them, "I want to kill you, I want to murder you, I want to restrict your will," and if that feeling enters them you are responsible for their pain, you are.

But there is this whole other side of the discussion, which is where people claim that you're responsible for their pain when you're not responsible for their pain at all. Often I see parents claiming that their own children are responsible for the parents' pain and that's not the case at all. The parents are directly responsible for the parents' own pain and the children are just reflecting the painful condition the parents are in, in most cases. When I'm talking about children here, I'm talking about young children. So whenever that parent blames the child and says, "You've caused me pain," the parent's way out of line and has caused two pains. They've lied, which is a pain in itself, caused to the child, and then they've also blamed the child for something the parent did, which is another pain, so there's a doubling up of pain on the parent's side from God's perspective.

This aspect of pain needs to be comparatively considered. We need to understand that a lot of times we think other people have done us pain or wrong when really all they've done is not meet any of our addictions and so we need to... God doesn't consider any of those pains as pain. Every time someone doesn't meet your addictions, that's your pain not theirs. They are meant to not follow or meet your addictions. In fact, if they meet your addictions, from God's perspective they've caused you pain, the opposite to what you believe many times. This is the problem with co-dependent relationships. You've got one person in the relationship giving emotions to the other that are addictive; the other person receives them. Now that person who's given to that person has harmed the person. Even though the person wanted that emotion or that feeling, the other person has harmed them. And the other person having a demand on the first person is harming them, and so, in co-dependent relationships you get this terrible cycle of harm upon harm upon harm. This is why co-dependent relationships often break up quite rapidly unless the co-dependency is well established right from childhood, well established from childhood.

Mostly these co-dependent relationships eventually get to the stage where there's a build-up of pain, a build-up of pain and as long as both accept each other's pain then usually the relationship remains together. But if they don't then they start fighting and arguing and so forth and then there's a break up. The reality is that they both caused each other pain. While that person gave that person, the other person, what they wanted, that person was causing them pain. The question is, "What does the person need from God's perspective?" They need to be loved, cared for, told the truth to; there's a whole heap of things from God's perspective they need. If you give them that, then it doesn't matter what they think about that, you've not caused them any pain whether they believe you've caused them pain or not.

**Mary:** Yes, so you don't have any responsibility for the pain they claim that they feel...

... is your fault. Yes, they have no responsibility for that. When I tell someone the truth and they tell me that I caused them pain I go, "I have not. I can't take any responsibility for that and I know for certain God doesn't attribute any responsibility towards me because in telling you the truth I've given you a gift of love in fact. The fact that you don't want to receive it is one of your addictions; that's what's causing you the feeling of pain. Your addiction to not have the truth, your addiction to believe the lie is what caused you pain. That's very very different to me lying to somebody. If I lie to somebody then I've caused them pain. It doesn't matter if I did it for the right reason or not; it doesn't matter what reason I did it for. I've caused them pain, so I'm responsible for the pain they feel. It's like a man who's in a relationship with a woman and he cheats on the woman and he doesn't tell her. He's caused her pain. He's telling himself, "I won't tell her so I'm going to prevent her pain," but he's caused her pain; he's broken the relationship. Sooner or later she'll find out, whether it's here on earth or in the spirit world. She's going to find out; she's going to feel hurt from it, and he's broken the love bond by cheating sexually on her.

That's a creation of pain and so of course he's caused her pain, whether he's acknowledged it or not. He's caused her pain and telling her makes her pain better, not worse, because it gives her the choice to do something about it. It gives her the choice to decide what she's going to do with this man. Is she going to throw him away, or is she going to work through the issue with him or is she going to forgive him or what is she going to do? She's got the choice now so now he's lessened her pain even though she feels pain. Even though she feels pain, he's been honest so that's a better place to be from God's perspective. In her response to the honesty she shouldn't be saying to him, "I didn't want to know," because that's her now causing him pain. She would say, "I want to know, but I now need to decide what I'm going to do with this relationship."

This is where we often get confused with pain. Pain is often distorted by other people. They think we've caused pain when we haven't, they think we haven't caused pain when we have, and the real judge of it is God's Laws and God's principles of Love. God is the judge about all these issues of pain. God is the only person who really knows whether you have caused somebody else pain or whether they have caused you pain, and of course a person who's become at-one with God also knows.

**Mary:** Very good, thank you

No worries!

