Please welcome this week's special guest, Gary.
APPLAUSE
So, Kelly, what is Gary to you?
This is Gary and he's a feng shui expert,
and in order to improve the flow, the energy flow in my home,
he advised me to get rid of my cat litter tray.
Hal, how do you know Gary?
Well, this is Gary. Last year, I kicked a football
through my kitchen window and Gary agreed to take the blame.
And Lee, your relationship with Gary.
This is Gary.
Together we were involved in a low-speed pedalo chase...
DAVID LAUGHS
..when a Spaniard had nicked Gary's towel.
OK, there we have it. Kelly's feng shui friend,
Hal's football fall guy
or Lee's pedalo pal.
David, where do you want to start?
OK. Kelly what was it about the cat being able to crap anywhere
that would improve the feng shui of your house?
Well, no, the whole thing about feng shui
is that it's all about energy lines in your home.
So, for example, if you have a drain...
Like where the sockets go?
- Well, no, like drains will, will mean... 
- LAUGHTER
So if you've a drain in a home, you're losing energy.
And where my litter tray was, was really my...
- RHOD: It was your litter tray? 
- No, my cat's litter tray.
You have all these areas in a home.
I'm not a feng shui specialist, which is why I got Gary in,
so he explained it to me and he said,
"You really need to move your litter tray
"because where it's placed is in your wealth corner."
When he first turned up was his opening line,
"Are you a feng shui expert?" And you said no.
Did he go, "Good."
LAUGHTER
- So it was in your wealth corner. 
- Yes.
- So your cat was crapping on your money.
- Yeah.
So yeah, what do you put there?
If it's inappropriate for a cat litter tray?
You need to put a crystal or something that enhances the area,
rather than a cat litter tray where a cat is going to pee in the corner.
Well, exactly. The difference between a crystal and a cat litter tray
is that one thing has a purpose
and the other thing is some tat that you should throw out.
APPLAUSE
What bits of the room... There's a wealth corner,
what other corners are there that you're not allowed
to put anything actually useful?
Well, there's wealth and there's clarity...
- Clarity is for the red wine. 
- Yes.
What... Was anything else wrong with how you had your house?
No, actually everything else was really good. I mean.
RHOD: What, that was it? How much did you pay him for that?
Well, no, no.
He just moved the litter tray and went, "There you go.
- "There, job done." 
- No, no, no.
- "Eight grand, please."
- No.
Did he move the cat litter tray and go,
"That should help the wealth corner. Well, certainly mine, anyway."
What problems were occurring then for you
to get the feng shui expert, Gary.
No there wasn't any problems, I just believe in it
- and I work a lot in Asia. 
- What was his name again?
- Gary.
- Oh, yeah.
I work a lot in Asia and we use a lot of feng shui consultants
when we build houses in Asia and this is an ancient philosophy,
so I can understand that you don't understand it, if you haven't read,
if you haven't read about it and it is all about balancing out a home.
It's like your body, if you have reflexology...
Sorry, can I just confirm to Rhod, in case he's not sure.
- She's patronising you.
- I'm not. 
- LAUGHTER
I'm perfectly happy with that.
Did it have seem to have any effect?
Absolutely, that particular space, it was a wealth corner,
and it shouldn't have had a litter tray, it needed crystals there.
So where did you put the litter tray?
- I got rid of the cat.
- Oh, my God. 
- AUDIENCE GASP
I didn't really, I'm only joking.
I love the way the whole audience went, "Oh, my God!"
This is so Britain, isn't it?
Except the one French person going, "Zat is perfectly logical."
- No, I didn't. 
- APPLAUSE
So, Hal, just say what you said again.
Last year I kicked a football through my kitchen window
and Gary agreed to take the blame for it.
- CAROL:
- Hang on, you kicked a football?
Yes.
It is a very, very rare event.
Hal, can I ask you how you know Gary? What the connection is?
- We're, both our kids that are at the same school.
- Right.
- Well, that's certainly plausible. 
- It is plausible.
Many schools have more than one child at them.
So there you were, in the garden, playing football.
They'd come over anyway
cos we're friends. So we were playing football in the garden
and my wife had already made a comment about, "Oh, messing about.
"Don't break the window." And then, we ended up messing about, and yeah.
And you kicked the ball and it went through the window.
Yes.
And what did you do then? So it's smash, tinkle...
Beat.
I just went a bit, "Oh, no! Did it again."
"Oh, no! My wife is going to kill me.
"She wasn't joking on any level.
"This could be it for my marriage."
So you said, "This is terrible.
"She's going to be really angry." He... What did he say?
He offered to take the blame. He said, "I'll take the blame for it."
Because he's a bit more of a sort of, what's the word?
Scallywag type character.
I don't understand this modern street talk.
Did you say to her, "Gary's got something to say to you"?
"Dear, oh dear, Gary."
- Did you say...
- No.
- "Darling,
"I said to Gary, I'd take the blame but you know."
- Right, what about Lee?
- Yeah, Lee.
Can you just remind us first of all, what was it you said?
This is Gary and we were involved together in a low-speed pedalo chase
after a Spaniard nicked Gary's towel.
Describe the scenario of the theft.
Where were you and Gary and where did the Spaniard come from?
Spain.
- We were on a beach. 
- In Spain?
- Not in Spain.
So he'd come a long way, this assailant.
He'd obviously heard about a valuable towel.
He was an international towel thief.
Well, any of those options or possibly he was on holiday.
And so, Lee...
- Yes, that's my Chinese name. 
- So what happened?
I was... I was... I was on the beach and we decided to go,
as two young, strapping men do, for a pedalo ride.
Had you known each other long by that point?
No, I was strolling lonely on the beach...
..and I saw a young gentleman in some tight shorts
and I thought, "Hello, fancy a pedalo ride?"
And luckily he was available.
He's one of your old buddies then.
We were on holiday together, yeah.
- So how long ago was this? 
- I was about 20.
And so you decided to hire a pedalo.
Yes. We decided to rent out a pedalo and go into the sea.
So that's what we do.
We go out on to the pedalo and we start to pedal
and oh. It's great.
And it's at this point that you saw the Spaniard?
So then we're sort of coming back to shore, right.
DAVID: You've done a bit of a loop.
I'm literally doing the action now with my feet, I'm there.
Looks like the three of you are on jet skis from here to be honest.
LAUGHTER
So we're pedaloing and as we're pedalling, we see a gentleman
who's renting out... He's in the process of renting out the pedalo
and we sort of see him walk back, suddenly grab Gary's towel,
and he puts it on the pedalo, on his girlfriend's seat and off he goes.
So what do we do?
- You give chase.
- We give chase.
So you pulled up alongside him in your pedalo
and you said, "Excuse me."
Yeah, I wound the window down and I said...
No, I just said, "Excuse me..."
Why didn't Gary? I realise he's mute tonight for a reason but...
Cos he was keeping his eye on the road and I was....
So you say excuse me and he said...?
Que?
So I had to do the thing... I had to mime it.
I sort of went... I said, "You...Erm.
"Er...and then you..."
HE WHISTLES
So he sort of mimed, "I'm sorry."
And handed the girl to us and we went, "No, no, no.
"You've got it all wrong."
Anyway, that's how I met my wife and that's...
And that's the truth.
All right, so we need an answer. David's team.
Is Gary Kelly's feng shui friend,
Hal's football fall guy
or Lee's pedalo pal?
Where do you want to start?
I'm very confused.
Is feng shui...? I thought it was about,
"Don't have the sofa there, move it out a bit more diagonally
"and that's a bit more Chinese and cool."
But I didn't think it involved crystals.
I thought that was a totally different form of charlatanism,
I mean...
Eastern science.
- We don't think it's... 
- We don't think it is.
You don't think it's Kelly.
I can't see Lee going on a holiday just with one other guy as well.
- No, I can't.
- A group of guys in their 20s, fair enough,
but two 20-year-old boys. No.
And what about Hal?
Hal. Well, I think that sounds very plausible.
Except the children bit.
LAUGHTER
Are you saying I don't have children?
I think Hal does have children.
You don't have children, do you, Rhod?
I don't have children.
- No. 2-0. 
- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
So, what are you going to say, David?
- Hal.
- You think it's Hal. 
- Kelly.
- You think it's Kelly now.
We're going to say... We're going to say Hal.
- You're going to say Hal.
- Yeah.
OK, Gary, would you please reveal your true identity.
My name is Gary
and I advised Kelly.
- Yes. 
- APPLAUSE
- LEE:
- Can I just... Rob, sorry, can I ask a question?
Just before we move on, too quickly, Gary,
David would like to explain to you
- why the whole thing's a crock of rubbish. 
- LAUGHTER
Yes, Gary is Kelly's feng shui friend
and has had to endure
a dreadful five minutes.
- Thank you very much, Gary. 
- Thank you.
