 
AMUSEMENT PARK

Humor and Satire

by

Jack Forge

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 John Stephen Rohde

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment. It may not be re-sold or given to others. If you want to share this book, please buy a copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book but did not buy it, please go to Smashwords.com and buy a copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

Booths

Jokes

Newsflashes

Shorts

Verse

***

Jokes

I plug adhesion to the gag and the Untied Struts of Mercantile; to the repository for which it stands; one obsession, under gaga, indecipherable, with ribaldry and jests for all.

When young, I was so preoccupied with sex I could count to ten only as far as my dick.

You know you're unpopular when others hold a party in your honor, but you aren't invited.

I'm so unpopular the only event I get invited to is jury duty.

Some men buy their women 24-karat ear studs, but I've always been a one-Karat stud.

Do monks carry monkeys to unlock things?

Everyone is as good as everyone else and most are even worse.

When you invite a bunch of beautiful women to a sex fest but none of them comes, you come alone.

Share your things, because it's good for others, makes you feel better, and gets rid of a lot of junk you don't want.

Harness the hot air people exhaust, and we'll have enough energy to last a thousand years.

You know you're crazy when you think The Twilight Zone is a series of TV documentaries.

You realize you're getting fat when your knees haven't met in years.

A Democratic donkey is often a Republican elephant disguised as an ass.

When I was young, women challenged my brain; now that I'm older, they challenge my dick.

You know you're getting old when you have to defragment your brain as often as your computer.

You're aware of getting older when your hardware turns to software.

I used to think I was advanced for my age; now I know I'm simply at an advanced age.

I know I'm really old since the only mail I receive is from the Neptune Society.

Newsflashes

The richest people on Earth gathered on Sunday to protest the existence of the poorest.

Major beverage corporations of the world have issued a joint statement that the possession of potable water is no longer a right but a privilege.

In a noble intention to introduce humanity into criminal executions, the National Prison System instituted a policy of kill and revive as a punishment for lesser capital offenders.

The President of the United States of America recently decreed that all visitors to the White House shall kneel at his desk and kiss his hand in a show of respect. He had wanted them to kiss his ass, but his Chief of Staff advised him that, even though many people would fall all over themselves to do so, such an act could be considered slightly queer.

When confronted with the crisis that could occur because of the coming oil shortage, an Energy Consortium spokesperson offered a new solution. Speaking to a gathering of executives from various corporations that use finite energy sources as if they were the very air we breathe, Harold Suerman said that nearly unlimited energy can be obtained from a home grown resource--obese people. By means of constant liposuction, millions of liters of high-octane fat can be extracted for fuel. Given the human proclivity for corpulence and judging by all the chubby children, we should have no concerns about energy for homes, factories, and vehicles for centuries to come.

To guarantee a robust economy, the U.S. Senate today passed a law that makes personal consumption mandatory. By a huge majority, the lawmakers pushed the bill through congress in time for the holiday season. The president was eager to sign the bill. Members from both sides of the nation's dual political party joined the chief executive and his top counterparts in big business in admonishing every man, woman, and child to do his or her duty in acquiring things, any things as long as they cost money. "Buying is patriotic," they said. "Besides, it's going to be the law. Spend or go to jail." With that, they shook hands all around, cheered for capitalism, and then broke for long vacations to luxury locales around the world.

In a bold move to end crime and simultaneously boost the economy, national, state, county, and city governments are pressing police to make more arrests. With more prisoners laboring for corporations, two of the main bugaboos of society can be significantly reduced--crime and unemployment. When challenged by a few independent journalists that such action amounts to slavery or indenturism at least, government officials asserted that the safety and prosperity of respectable citizens with fame and fortune far outweighed the value of ordinary human rights for the undesirable masses.

To accommodate the ever-increasing size of automobiles on the national roadways, the U.S. Department of Transportation instituted a revolutionary program of road widening. The government is giving notice to people with ordinary homes and small businesses to vacate their premises so the project can progress. If the widening threatens structures of the well-to-do, however, streets and highways will be diverted around them. The prospect of even larger vehicles does not concern the department. As the Secretary stated, "If we have to make our paved pathways as broad as a Wal-Mart parking lot we will do so." According to inside sources, the attitude of the government agency seems to be that every licensed citizen should be able to travel thoroughfares whether operating a motorcycle, land yacht, or a tank the size of Rhode Island.

An emergency room physician, treating a woman for injuries from an automobile accident, was struck by the site of a cellular telephone attached to the side of her head. Upon close examination, the doctor discovered the tissue of the woman's ear had actually grown around the device, making it a new and rather grotesque artificial feature. When he offered to refer her to a plastic surgeon for its removal, the woman said she could not do that for fear of missing a call. After the medics patched her up, she left the hospital, chatting all the way out of room, down the hall, through the exit, and into the night.

Scientists at Tall tower University announced the invention of an artificial fish. People in the fishing industry have complained of loss of jobs and income due to depletion of fish populations. The slaughtering of finned creatures for food has wiped out the aquatic animals that once swarmed in rivers, lakes, and seas around the globe. Inventors of the species expect to replenish the planet with these ichthyoids but caution people of the possible side effects from eating them. While the pseudo-fish look and smell like real fish and even taste slightly like them, they may not provide quite the same nutrition. Scientists warn that ingesting them could cause birth defects, cancer, heart disease, anaphylactic shock, hair loss, impotence, deafness, blindness, incontinence, constipation, diarrhea, and dementia--to name a few. Nonetheless, the invention promises to stimulate the fishing industry. So the trade off is worth it.

Congressman Peter J. Shaftum declared a debt-free citizenry unpatriotic. In similar news, the Supreme Court ruled that incorrigible debtors are in fact required to forfeit a pound of flesh for every dollar they owe until either the debts are paid or they die, whichever occurs first.

Oil companies have found a way to increase petroleum production by simply skimming spills off the surface of the oceans of world.

When Congressman F. U. Widely visited wounded soldiers at Walter Reed Army Hospital last week, he told them he had suffered much because of their injuries and asked them to apologize for having lost their arms and legs and upsetting his family.

Physicists have revealed that the jaw and joints of political leaders operate by bolts and strings. The scientists have yet to discover who is pulling the strings but speculate the puppeteer must not be readily visible.

Medical insurance companies have successfully lobbied Congress to make disease prevention illegal.

Audiologists claim that deafness is the only effective defense against increasing noise pollution.

The Supreme Court ruled today that torture of any kind is legal for the sake of national security as long as it does not hurt too much.

Due to escalating energy costs, plummeting patronage, and lack of funding, librarians have resorted to burning their books to keep warm in winter.

The last tree on Earth was felled earlier this week and no one noticed.

After a meeting with the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, the president expressed agreement with the EPA plan to allow smog to blanket U.S. cities, thus obscuring them as targets of aerial terrorist attacks.

In a new political-mercantile exchange program, congress members invited leading lobbyists to take their seats in the House and Senate during the long congressional recesses. The legislators doubt any differences of opinions will occur between them and the lobbyists concerning new bills they may propose.

Stores worldwide are selling huge blowers for people to blow unwanted people into the gutters.

Automobile manufacturers are reveling in the discovery that human feces make excellent fuel for internal combustion engines. Since so many people are full of shit, the fuel supply should be endless.

A Lucre City Transit System spokesperson announced that due to the increasing population, decreasing funding, and the shortage of public transport vehicles, passengers would have to sit on each other's laps to make room for those standing in the aisle.

Because of the increasing acceptance of perversion in the USA, Christian leaders are revising the Bible to describe Sodom and Gomorrah not destroyed as previously stated but discovered intact and available as a tourist attraction in a large coastal city.

A couple in the town of Haze, California, was admonished by the town council for trying to recycle their children. The waste control company operating in that city advised them that discarded kids are to be composted not recycled.

The mayor of Pale Blossom, Mississippi, initiated a policy of controlled burning of poor neighborhoods to prevent wildfires that could threaten more respectable sections of the town.

The US Secretary of Labor visited China this week to study the productivity of indentured servitude.

Right wing political activists across the nation are pressing local governments to make left turns on roadways illegal.

To encourage multicultural diversity in Los Angeles public schools, the Board of Education is requiring teachers to instruct their students in various languages except English.

According to reliable religious sources, for the first time in human history evidence exists of God answering prayers. However, the heavenly response seems directed only to the rich.

A Michigan man claims he smokes fewer cigarettes since he started sucking on the exhaust pipe of his car.

Sales of bulldozers have exploded in U.S. cities, since people find them extremely useful on their daily commutes.

When asked if pleased with their current minimum height of six feet, six inches, a spokesperson for the Global Institute of Advanced Natural Tallness said that he would not be satisfied until they become as big as dinosaurs.

Scientists for the Organization of Rationalized Opinions postulate that global warming is a good event, because it raises all boats.

Some Gulf Coast people who fish are reportedly pleased with oil spills because their catch comes already greased for the frying pan.

Those who drink coffee and eat chocolate from companies who use slave labor enjoy their products more because of the exotic hint of human blood.

An Atlanta woman suffered an extremely uncomfortable experience when she passed a surgical clamp left in her body after rectal surgery. When she returned it the hospital, the operating physician thanked her and asked if she had also found his watch.

A Hollywood man designed a new clothing style for men with enhanced penises. He says the three-legged pants are selling briskly.

Studies show that people who drench themselves in scent suffer as few sexual attacks as those who seldom bathe.

After a New Jersey inventor created a fabric that makes one appear invisible, the city council started including the new clothes in care packages for the poor and homeless.

Protestors for various causes have taken to parading in their vehicles to take the strain off their feet.

In a recent poll, most people prefer Forrest Gump for president.

Doughnut eaters worldwide want doughnut holes returned to doughnuts.

When told by his advisors that turkeys tend to be progressively liberal animals, the President decided not to pardon them next Thanksgiving.

When sick people in a large city were asked why they cough and spit in public and blow their noses onto sidewalks, they answered by saying that if they had to be ill, so should everyone else.

A compulsively fastidious Memphis man was arrested this week for trying to squeeze the bejeweled studs in the sides of women's noses, thinking they were pimples.

Extensive research shows that participants in "canned hunts" feel more accomplished when shooting humans convicted of capital crimes than when killing other captive animals.

Suburban neighborhoods are in conflict over whose grass is greener.

Studies show that when plants and factories emit red, white, and blue particles, people do not see it as air pollution.

A Memphis newspaper reported that people who fart in public do not understand why it is objectionable to others since they enjoy it so much.

A survey of the rich describes their firm belief that God looks like them.

Charismatic Uncle Hugo of Plaintown, Texas is attracting a massive following to his message that everyone should stomp on everyone else to get what one wants in life.

A Harvard professor, who recently published a complete history of beneficial human achievement, states that he expects sales of the flyer to be brisk.

Thousands of elderly blue-haired women in southern California marched in the streets last Sunday to protest against rain.

The National Institute for Health reports that urban pigeons are better nourished than many children. Old men on park benches are pleased by the news, saying that they have always preferred the birds.

SUV sales exploded when dealerships began offering as accessories 50 caliber machine guns mounted on the roofs.

People have been clamoring to buy houses around Super Fund sites, mistaking them for carnivals.

Malls and department stores across America are requiring people who climb escalators to stand still like most others to allow fat and lazy persons equal chances to reach the bargains.

Thousands of people have been jumping off cliffs, since a popular television personality said that it was the right thing to do.

Los Angeles residents are demanding the city eliminate birds from their neighborhoods, complaining they cannot sleep through the early morning songs.

A scientist working for the American Society of Professional Fishermen claims that studies show mercury in fish is actually good for people, because it helps them keep track of their body temperatures.

Many urban people have gone deaf from years of listening to loud music through earphones; however, they continue to bob their heads to an imaginary but fondly remembered beat.

With an increasing number of perverts in Congress, legislators are passing laws to protect the rights of not only sodomists but also bestialites and pedophiles. Feeling spurned, rapists have inundated the capital with demands to be so recognized.

The National Observer reports that cell phone habitués have started sprouting antennae from their heads.

In a bold move for marketing, public transit companies are demanding passengers show proof of purchase of at least one of the products advertised on the vehicles before boarding.

Fast food restaurants have begun offering slow food in keeping with their growing patronage.

Increasingly, chief executive officers are hiring specially trained employees to revive elderly employees who suffer heart attacks or strokes on the job so they can get as much work out of them as possible before calling an ambulance.

In unusual unanimity, the Supreme Court reiterated the national principle that every person is free to practice his or her own religion as long as it is Christianity.

The rich and famous are demanding that avarice and pride be removed from the list of seven deadly sins.

An article in Scientific Digest reports that human consumption has reached an all time width.

As a sign of the success of new developments in plastic surgery, more and more people are choosing to have their heads replaced.

Because of a worldwide shortage of potable water, governments have established policies of rationing the liquid for all uses but flushing toilets.

To save money on increasingly expensive tattoos, people are punching their bodies since the real ones eventually look like bruises anyway.

Hundreds of thousands of people who had opposed the brutal invasion and occupation of the sovereign nation of Petrolia marched in the streets this weekend to celebrate winning the war.

Scientific studies show that the human mouth is not connected to the brain but the rectum. The scientists admit it is not quite as elegant an organ but certainly capable of producing a lot more shit.

Surgeons are returning to school to learn how to remove people's heads stuck up their asses.

Women are inspired by a woman running for president. People of color are inspired by a member of an ethnic minority running for president. Anarchists are inspired by no one running for president. Smokers, alcoholics, and other drug abusers are inspired by an addict running for president. Criminals are inspired by an ex-con running for president. Perverts are inspired by anyone depraved running for president. Ditto-heads are yet to be inspired.

Sales are skyrocketing for Alvin Stein's new scent for men and women called Torture.

Yesterday, a team of international geologists reported that all the oil in the Middle East had sunken into the middle of Earth and vaporized in the heat of the core. Today the United States of America is withdrawing all military forces and industrial contractors from the region as the US president announced it was time those countries fended for themselves.

A hospital in Arizona released scores of patients on their own recognizance, because they were all making healthless recoveries.

Millions of people across the country finally admitted they are openly heterosexual.

Cell phone users in cities across the country are complaining that traffic noise is preventing other people from overhearing their phone conversations.

In an enduring effort to convince people of its boundless compassion, the governor of Texas advocates a policy of execute and revive, whereby the lives of individuals convicted of capital crimes would be temporarily terminated then brought back to vitality before significant brain damage could occur. The governor believes liberal-minded people will be satisfied with the elimination of the practice of permanently killing people who kill people. Likewise, those advocating the death of such prisoners should be pleased by the suffering they would undergo before, during, and after the execution, especially since the procedure could be repeated many times. Of course to make the punishment effective, prisoners must always believe they are going to die. After all, according to the governor they must not sense a drop of mercy.

To distinguish itself from western nations, Saudi Arabia has established exclusive golf courses throughout the country with grass traps.

In a possible first for contemporary sexuality, a young man in Los Angeles paid for a gender-change operation so he can seduce homosexual women.

Advocates for a Reactionary Society are lobbying Congress to make the eleventh hour of December 31 a celebration for those who prefer the old year.

Shorts

Sexy Donna Moore had been flirting with young Philip Pointer sitting across from her on the subway. When he started fidgeting uncomfortably, Donna asked, "Is anything wrong?"

"Oh, no," Philip said, "I'm only suffering from spontaneous male enhancement."

Siamese twins, Dick and John Thomas, were born joined at the penis. While separating them, the surgeon miscalculated. When the twins grew up they suffered a serious bone of contention, young Dick could produce an impressive ten inches but John Thomas only two.

A young man enters a drug store to buy condoms. When a clerk sees the man standing and staring at the display, he asks if he can help.

"I need a condom my size," the young man says.

Suspecting a masculine brag, the clerk says, "And what size would that be?"

The young man looked down sadly and said, "Do you have any with only a reservoir tip?"

MONEY MEANS POWER

Congress in its unique wisdom passed a law requiring candidates for public office to complete a financial means test. Their rationale for such a revolutionary piece of legislation is that the wealthy are the only citizens suitable to be the elected officials of a superior nation like the United States of America.

The author of the bill, Representative Quentin Argent, Republican of Texas, explained that since the rich are often corporate executives or hobnob with the moguls of corporate power, they are best able to channel the nation's financial resources to where they can be most useful. Their benefactors would be those who finance and manufacture the goods to keep consumers buying their way into debt, to keep third world workers properly indentured all day every day, and to keep the war machine fully armed in its endless conflict with disagreeably different people everywhere.

According to Representative Argent, the means test for financial superiority should be a simple affair. Individuals who own fleets of expensive vehicles, adorn themselves with the latest fashions, alternately reside in multiple mansions worldwide, and demonstrate their abundance as ostentatiously as possible should be the only ones seriously considered as the representative leaders of this grand country.

PERSONAL RENDITION

Rumors from the world of entertainment reveal the advent of the ultimate reality series, a new show called Personal Rendition. According to a leak of the secret storyline, moonlighting covert government operatives kidnap hapless individuals who resemble those whom we fear and hate. These secret agents grab them traveling to work, dining with family, or sleeping peacefully in their beds, and then whisk them to foreign countries that practice the most spectacular policies of imprisonment.

Specialists with histories of abusing animals during childhood, bullying classmates on the playgrounds, and hitting-and-running over pedestrians have been chosen to interrogate the incarcerated contestants. To surpass the popularity of shows such as Fear Fantasy and Mock Heroics in the ratings, Personal Rendition (PR) plans to cause participants to suffer in imaginative ways unseen since the glory days of the Spanish Inquisition. Rendos will inflict sufficient mental and physical assaults on their victims to drive them to the brink of insanity and injury. This being a game show, obviously the prisoners are going to compete with each other for a grand prize. The contestant who survives the ordeal without revealing innermost secrets, despite the misery and pain inflicted, will be rewarded with an invitation to a private dinner with detainees at one of the many clandestine U.S. prison camps throughout the world.

After being criticized by a few liberal organizations for practicing torture as entertainment, the producers vehemently defended their show. In fact, executive producer, Michael Maladroit, in a pre-premiere interview said, "According to a recent declaration by the U.S. Department of State, torture is defined as the infliction of harm on mind or body that results in permanent damage to the emotional or physical well being of the human subject. Our Rendos of course will stop their proceedings before anyone gets hurts beyond a few bruises and teardrops or screams for mercy."

When asked how the Rendos would know when such damage occurs, he said, "Simple. If the prisoners, I mean the contestants, stop breathing, we halt, call for the crash cart, and resuscitate them." He laughed. "Seriously, we will have medics monitoring them at all times. Any sign of prolonged catatonia or cardiac arrest and they will promptly administer emergency first aid. We expect to save all our contestants. At worst we may lose 1.5 %. Considering the show may be the most popular of all time and reap monetary rewards beyond our wildest dreams, that figure is a paltry price to pay for success."

BLESSED INDIVIDUALISM

The National Institute for Patriotism declared the act of sharing an un-American activity. At a press conference today, Daniel Selvitch explained that since sharing is one of the basic tenets of communism, the behavior must not be tolerated in a nation that historically has fostered individualism over collectivism, no matter what happens to people.

When reminded by one journalist that Jesus Christ advocated sharing, Mr. Selvitch responded with "God helps those who help themselves."

Standing by Selvitch at the conference, a spokesperson for the automobile industry supported this neo-individualistic point of view by referring to the one person-one car lifestyle in the country. "Individualism must be the natural way of things--at least on American highways. Just look at all the single souls riding in their personal vehicles. Makes the heart beat faster to see people fending for themselves." He and Selvitch shared an agreeing nod.

Selvitch went on to explain that the sooner all people found their own jobs, drove their own cars, paid for their own residences, bought their own meals, acquired their own things, kept their opinions to themselves, and did what was expected of them, we all would be better for it. He further stated that communists, socialists, unionists, and groups of all colors ought to be hunted down, captured, and imprisoned where they can share room and board for the rest of their lives.

He ended by saying, "God bless the United States of America, the land of the free and the home of the brave, where we're all individuals like everyone else."

PHONE HEADS

"A revolutionary breakthrough in interpersonal communications!" That is how the Center for Audiovocal Language Delivery (CALD) described the latest development in cellular telephone technology. Speaking for the Center, Doctor Chester Celout, a prominent scientist in CALD research and development, said, "We have freed the telephone talker from the burden of the external device. No longer will cell phone users everywhere have to hold the instrument in one hand while listening and talking."

The doctor went on to say that the CALD invented a sender-receiver combination the size of a chigger. Thanks to the science of implantation, an ordinary medical practitioner can implant the tiny device permanently in a person's head without the slightest trace. Any CALD phone user will be able to carry on a conversation while driving a car, bathing a baby, shopping the mall, cleaning house, playing golf, bathing, and even making love. The opportunities are endless.

When asked about side effects that a foreign object in the body could cause, Dr. Celout said, "After numerous tests on bunny rabbits, baby chimpanzees, as well as incarcerated humans we found few ill effects from the implantations. Other than repeated ringing in the ears and a vague sensation of something crawling inside one's head, no physical ailments appear to arise from the device--so far." He laughed. "We did notice that observers of prisoners with the implants believed them to be psychotic when they behaved as if incessantly talking to themselves. But the men and woman with the CALD implants were so happy to be able to carry on telephone conversations day and night with no hands that they ignored the observations of others." He reflected. "An unfortunate incident did occur when a subject's cell mates jumped him in the middle of one night and beat him so bad he required infirmary care for three days. But we relegate that incident to intolerance of a person simply exercising his right of free speech."

After someone asked about the cost of the CALD phone and its implantation, Dr. Celout said that the miracle phones would be on sale before Christmas and that for a limited time purchasers will pay nothing down, make no payments, and pay no interest for two years. Asked how much the device costs, the good doctor seemed not to have heard the question and launched into a recap of the highlights of the product. Before ending the meeting, Dr. Celout offered to put those interested in the device on a wait list.

With that, all in the room rushed his table to be among the first phone heads to have one of the mite-sized things stuck in their skulls so they would never again have to miss a call.

BY ANY OTHER NAME

Representatives from ultra-liberal organizations all over the world congregated in San Francisco to come up with a new name for the celebration of the winter solstice. They hope to create an inoffensive identification for the end of the calendar year, known by some as Christmas, by others as Hanukah, by still others as Kwanzaa, and by a new few as the feast of Festivus. To most people of course the season means money. Money spent, money made.

The liberal organizations, comprising the most open-minded among us, are responding to numerous pleas from religious and multicultural groups. Christians want Christmas, even though some disagreement has arisen among ethnic groups as to how much melanin should show in the face of baby Jesus. Jews want the holiday to be called Hanukah in keeping with their ancient traditions. Many people of African descent want Kwanzaa to be the name of the event. Several who confuse media entertainment with reality want the celebration to be Festivus, a kind of pop culture throwback to a pagan period. A small even more atavistic number want to bring back the Roman Saturnalia since over-indulgence is the temper of the time. In the center of the controversy sits commerce. Masters of the marketplace claim not to care what people call the holiday as long as they spend, spend, spend with cash, check, or credit card.

Faced with these diverse forces, this assembly of the broad minded meeting in the California city by the bay struggled for three days to produce a name for the holiday that would make all the people happy all the time. According to leaks from insiders, they have floated several names, such as Chrishanukwansatday and Kwanhanukmasat but so far have not agreed. As expected, they thought of simply calling the holiday a Holiday, even though that is too obvious and indistinguishable from other religious or secular celebrations of the year. Stymied, to reach a consensus they at last officially agreed on identifying the feast surrounding the date with the shortest daylight hours as That Day around the Beginning of the Winter Season near the Solstice When Hours of Daylight Are Fewest or TDABOWSNSWHODAF.

They adjourned planning to meet next year at the same time to refine the new holiday name to be more acronym friendly.

REVISED PREAMBLE

We the wealthy of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Illusion, pretend Justice, insure common Conformity, provide for the upper-class defense, promote corporate Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to the selfish and their Profligacy, do ordain and establish this Consternation for the United States of America.

THE AMERICAN CREED

I believe in the United States of Armorica as a nation of the rich, by the rich, and for the rich; whose pompous powers are devised from the credulity of the governed; a plutocracy in a disrepublic; a suffering nation of many suffering states; a simulated union multiple and divisible; established upon the principles of greed, inequality, injustice, and vanity for which the American faithful have lost their savings and their lives. I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to sack it, to re-interpret its Constitution, to abuse its laws, to capitalize on its flag, and to let others defend it against all my enemies. So help me God.

HOW TO TEACH ENGLISH

Through much trial and error over many years working with English students in classrooms, I discovered the one true method by which we all can teach the language and learn from our efforts. Thanks to thorough directions of various offices and officials of the U.S. Department of Education, I now feel so confident about my ability to manage classroom productively, that I want to share my fortunate findings with all my colleagues.

Most important, we teachers must align content and performance standards to assessment, instruction, and learning. Content standards state our expectations of what our students should know and be able to do in particular subjects and grade levels. Performance standards explicitly define how students must demonstrate proficiency at a specific level on the content standards. For example, dimensions must be assessed as represented in a rubric that defines what the criteria mean and how they are utilized.

Furthermore, assessment quantifies information about performance in a system that includes a norm-referenced or a criterion-referenced system, an alternative-assessment system, and multifarious classroom assessments. A norm-referenced assessment compares student performances to those of a norm group. A criterion-referenced assessment compares individual performance to a specific learning objective or performance standard. An alternative-assessment system requires students to generate responses to prompts or tasks rather than choose from a set of provided responses. Portfolios are examples of the assessment alternatives we think of when we use the term "alternative assessment". Classroom assessments are developed, administered, and scored by teachers to evaluate student performance on various topics. A classroom assessment may be directly aligned into the other assessment systems, culminating in the on-demand assessment.

These assessments are scored in one or two ways: analytically or holistically. Analytic scoring evaluates student work across multiple dimensions of performance; holistic scoring evaluates student work across an overall impression of student work. To accomplish this evaluation, after benchmarks or scales have been described for expected student performance at particular ages, grades, or development levels, raters use anchors to acquaint themselves with criteria and rubrics that include content, organization, style, mechanics, usage, grammar, and spelling.

In this way, standardization is validated and ensured, students have an opportunity to learn and be appropriately evaluated. Most of all, equity is reliably established for all students with or without disabilities or limited language proficiency. It could not be simpler.

THE SERMON IN THE BANK

Seeing the mindless masses, the chairman went into a bank and when seated, his shareholders came to him. He opened his mouth and taught them, saying:

Blessed are the rich in stocks and bonds for theirs is heaven on Earth.

Blessed are they that invest in my corporation for they shall make me wealthy.

Blessed are the proud for they shall inherit the universe.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after self-righteousness for they shall be filled with self-importance.

Blessed are the merciless for they shall have power.

Blessed are the hard of heart for they shall rule as gods.

Blessed are the warmongers for they shall be called the warriors of God.

Blessed are they who persecute for their own sake for theirs is the power of torture.

Blessed are you, when men shall envy you and admire you and shall say all manner of praise of you blindly for my sake.

PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

I pledge allegiance

to the dollar

of the corporations of the world

and to the plutocracy

for which it stands

one world under mammon

indebted

with freedom

and favoritism

for a few.

APOLOGIUM AD LINGUA DEXTRA

We are obligated to institute by nationalized legislation that the English language be actuated with the utilization of verbiage and configuration to promulgate the professionally intellectualized expression of ostensibly sophisticated personages in the populace. Optimal linguistic influence is accomplished by the constant and continual usage of impressive grammatical construction, syntactical design, and vast vocabulation. The lengthiest and most obscure verbal demonstration of erudition efficaciously impacts the impressionable sensibilities of less illuminated individuals who habitate in magnitudinous enumeration every environ of our spherical, solaristic domain. Therefore, this multitudinous population by necessitation should be indoctrinated with the absolutely correct and cooperational function of syllabic constructiveness that could emanate from the cavernous orifices in the inferior region of our anterior physiognomies. Only with that circumstance in contemporaneous progression shall homosapiens exist in an atmosphere of communicative potentiation commensurate with linguistical capabilities appropriate for superior entities anointed by a Supreme Being with the bequest of unique and universalized confabulation of extraordinary utterance.

OFFSPRING ROADSHOW

"Line up!"

Scores of eager people are milling around the grand space of the Luckenbill Civic Auditorium, each person holding a baby in arms. At the command, they hustle into a meandering queue, all jockeying for position. The line leads from the auditorium entrance to a small bassinette in the center of the hall. At one end of the bassinette stands a man in a white coat with a black tie, Dr. Gordon Judmeister. Everyone in line looks tense. Some mouth polite words to one another; all show clear expressions of hopefulness brightening their faces as they look to the tall man at the bassinette.

This is the scene of the Offspring Roadshow, the most popular program on national television. It even surpasses the ratings of famous reality shows such as Duel to the Death and 100 Ways to Over-Indulge. Every Sunday evening in primetime, viewers all over television land tune in to catch the latest lucky parent of a precious child.

"May I have the first candidate, please," announces Dr. Judmeister loudly over the hubbub of the crowd.

A wideyed woman at the head of the line promptly lays her baby on the bassinette. Dr. Judmeister, a noted pediatrician, pulls instruments from his pockets to examine the child. An assistant, also in white, steps to his side. She reads a gauge for the child's weight and checks his blood pressure and temperature, while the doctor examines his heart, lungs, eyes, ears, joints, strength, reflexes, and mental acuity.

"A decent specimen," he says to the mother. "But you should know that he's overweight and apparently slow to respond. A cute little fellow but of no real value."

Speechless and bursting with tears, the woman picks up the baby and scurries out of the auditorium.

"Next," the whitecoat shouts. Another person with a girl baby creeps forward and lays the infant on the bassinette. Immediately the medics converge on the new subject, examining her as they had the first. Scarcely thirty seconds into the examination Dr. Judmeister raises his hands and waves the woman away with her child. Lifting his voice over the crowd, he declares, "People, people, people, you must realize that infants with birth defects are not deserving of evaluation. So, please, if you know your child is worthless, don't waste the time of the Roadshow. Parents with valuable children deserve our full attention."

Several people break out of the line and leave. But one hopeful parent after another presents a child to the scrutinizing physician. And one after another, he summarily rejects them. Sometimes for minor defects such as birth marks, sometimes for major ones like heart murmurs or poor vision. Always for ugliness as Dr. Judmeister beholds it. And, as we have seen, he can be brutally honest in his view.

"I'm sorry, madam, but your child is simply not pretty enough," he proclaims to one. Or to another, "You may want to think twice before conceiving any more human beings, my dear."

For more than an hour, the Roadshow progresses with dozens of babies being rejected. Big ones, small ones, infants of all colors, even an albino. A few parents become so discouraged they stomp out of the auditorium while trailing muffled remarks caustic enough to etch the good doctor's glasses.

He, however, ignores them for he has important decisions to make. The auditorium air hums with anticipation of an affirmative remark. It is long in coming, but eventually a hopeful parent sees the doctor smile and nod with the approval that means one babe out of a thousand has found favor.

After looking over one vibrant baby girl with the concentration of a miser ogling his cash box, Dr. Judmeister lets a smile spread across his pale stern face, looks straight into the eyes of the trembling parent, and asks, "Do you know what you have in this child, madam?"

The young mother grips her husband's arm and says, "I think so." Still, apprehension contorts her face.

"You say the child is exactly six months of age?"

"Yes, she says, and the father nods.

"And you carried her the full nine months, no more, no fewer?"

"I did."

"No complications?"

"None." Pride sneaks into her eyes.

The famous pediatrician pauses and runs his boney fingers around his goateed jaw. "How much would you guess your child is worth?"

The woman looks to her husband and shakes her head slightly. "Oh, I don't know exactly. To us she's priceless."

"Of course but we are not quite prepared to pay for children beyond price." He brays with laughter, and others in the hall echo him nervously. "Depending on blood tests and such requisite procedures, your child may fetch in the neighborhood of, oh, say a quarter of a million dollars."

The woman frowns and snaps a look at her husband who is reaching for the baby. "Quarter of a--you must be kidding!" he says.

His wife lays a restraining hand on his. "Please, dear, remember we decided to be grateful for anything in six figures. Two hundred and fifty thousand is enough to buy that new car you've been wanting, refurbish the house, take a trip to the Caribbean, and maybe with some left over to pay for having another child. Who knows what the next one will bring."

Her husband pauses, smiles, at her sage advice, and withdraws his hands from the baby.

"Fine," says the good doctor as his assistant picks up the infant. Maybe when our tests are completed we will find your child is worth even more. And then there is the auction. If he starts a bidding frenzy, your profit on the infant could soar."

Both parents beam despite the growing restiveness of the child. As he sucks air for a burst of wailing, the medical assistant carries him out of the main room, through double doors, and disappears. The child's cries fade until inaudible.

Some people in line fall silent at the sight of the child removed from his parents and attend to their own children red-faced and roused to tears. But most parents are encouraged by the selection and tidy their babies to appear their best before the examining doctor.

"Next," he shouts. The word enlivens those in line to push forward to the bassinette.

In keeping with the strict selectivity of the Roadshow physician, at the end of the program a small crib contains only several chosen little ones. The lucky parents will anxiously follow their infants from the good doctor's famous bassinette through the testing laboratory to the Roadshow committee's final decision on which children will be presented for sale or returned to their parents. At the end of the cycle, a few fortunate families will reap huge monetary rewards from the auction of their offspring.

With enough luck, many will receive a windfall. The Roadshow maintains its popularity and continued support from its sponsors. The sponsors enjoy increased sales. The highest bidders gain either babies to end their childlessness, a potential star of fashion or entertainment, or new flesh to satisfy the constant demand for cheap labor and sexual slavery. Even the child could benefit should he or she on that rare occasion grow up in a nurturing and loving adoptive family environment. In any event, the Offspring Roadshow is a hit show that demonstrates the surprising value of the things we produce in our burgeoning civilization.

FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!

Now is the time for all good men and women to join the fight for freedom. Universal freedom. For too long we have sat back on our well-padded butts and enjoyed the precious liberties we take so much for granted in these United States of America. We have luxuriated in the Bill of Rights as well as the unwritten claim to arbitrary rights, which we all witness on the streets everyday. Enough to say that no slogan suits us better in this most magnificent nation of ours than the popular declaration: "It's a free country!" Makes the heart pound and the eyes tear just to say it. But, again, we have been remiss in our libertarian pleasure, while the rest of the world has suffered deprivation in varying degrees of the God-given freedom we so much enjoy. Others must now agree with me and the enlightened powers of this beloved country that it is high time we saved the rest of the world for life, liberty, and the American way.

Since the United States government invaded and conquered Iraq, despite the protests of backward people around the world that it was an unprovoked attack on a sovereign nation, that action has set a precedent for further preemptive strikes for the sake of peace and freedom and not a little power. Let's see. Who's next? We have to decide which group to challenge, intimidate, or just plain attack. But so many delectable choices. And what do we need with the righteous sanction of the United Nations to help us choose when we can so easily muster the self-righteous justification for war without international consequence? God! Ain't it wonderful! The good old U S of A is the mightiest nation on Earth! Hell! She's greatest nation ever known on Earth. Our destiny is as manifest and manifold as our huge Department of Defense. We have an opportunity--damn it, a duty to take this glorious experiment in government to the crumbling steps of every capitol of every independent state on the globe. Indeed, we shall and should make over the world into our image, the same as God created us in His image. Ah, yes! The United Nations of America. The grand phrase makes ones shudder. Think of it! The U.N.A. Absolutely. A worldwide meganation under a rippling twenty-foot flag. Picture it: a vast field of navy blue sparkling with a pure white pentagram for every entity we have freed from quaint but misguided notions of self-determination. Eat your hearts out Alexander, Caesar, Khan, Napoleon, Hirohito, and Hitler. Real power has finally come to pass.

Now is the time. With the threat of that tyrant, Saddam Hussein, neutralized so effectively by our mighty military machine, we are poised for further victory. Again, I ask--who is next? Syria? Iran? North Korea? Cuba? George W. Bush already identified most of these rogue states as part of an evil axis, reminiscent of the fascist nations we almost singlehandedly fought and defeated in World War II. Since we have taken the first step in striking evil before it can strike us, whether or not it actually intends to do so, we should not wait for either congressional or multinational approval to continue our holy crusade.

But this must not be confused with the Moslem holy war. Unlike other countries in the world, America knows what she is doing. She always knows. Whatever we as Americans do is right, even if the means to get there arouse the outraged moral indignation of people everywhere. We know this, because our mass media tell us so.

March! March! March into every nation that pretends a threat to our security, our sovereignty, our God-blessed superiority. With the greatest military-industrial force the world has ever known, we are unstoppable. Invincible. And as our combat boots stomp foreign flags into the dirt, we will sing in celebration and thanksgiving. Our national anthem shall resound across deserts and oceans and ring off mountaintops. We will paint our brave new world red, white, and blue. We will channel all of the planetary resources tens of thousands of miles to supply the insatiable appetites of our glorious fatherland. Every fish in the sea, every fossil fuel, every mineral, every tree, every product of fertile land, every bird in the sky will gravitate to the first true center of civilization--the United States of Earth.

When our flag is flying on all the capitols of this great orb, when our plutocratic ideals are as common as the air people breathe, when our sacred nation becomes the first true paradise for the rich and powerful, then we will set our sights on the stars. After we have scoured our own solar system for any resources it may bear to enhance further our exalted empire, we will take flight for neighboring galaxies. We will search out and destroy other civilizations, other axes of evil. And just as we have found every rationale imaginable for dominating and decimating any sub-cultures on our own planet for the holy aggrandizement of our own nation, we will conquer other planets. The new, grand United States will be more than the terror of the world but the horror of the universe.

Verse

LIBERTY GRAFFITI

Grant me your beat, your poor,

Your multitudes dying for money,

The miserable rejects of your swarming shore.

Send these, the needy, the ignorant to me.

I start a line of credit at the open door!

A PAUPER'S RHYME

The saddest thing about money

is that having none ain't funny.

AN AMERICAN DREAM

I wish I were a politician.

Then I could get away with lies,

Get rich with a noble disguise,

And retire as a good old patrician.

THE PLENTIFUL DIRT PSALM

The earth is my dump ground;

I shall not want.

It lets me litter in green pastures;

it lets me befoul the clear waters.

It empties my hands.

It shows me clean places for wastefulness for my own sake.

Yea, while I walk through the valley full of garbage and filth

I fear no retrieval,

for my country is free.

Your roads and your paths are for me;

you have provided terrain for me with the absence of authorities;

you cover my junk with snow.

My can overflows.

Surely, rodents and insects will follow me all the days of my life,

and I dwell in the trash of the world forever.

THE WAY TO THE WHITEHOUSE

There was a young man from Providence

Who in serving the rich was unhesitant.

And when they would ask

Why he did such a task,

He'd say, "That's the way to be president."

DANCING WITH OURSELVES

What use in dancing with strangers now

when disappointment is all we get

or doses of venereal disease?

Making friends counts for nothing

in this tragicomedy we call life.

Pursuing friendship is a waste of time.

We gaze at each other irresistibly

and chatter about personalities

but shudder when we get close enough

to touch the heart.

Magnetized like atomic particles

we orbit one another endlessly

flying off when the revolution spins too fast

instead of gravitating to the center of ourselves.

So being alone is best;

akin to freedom firing our national mentality.

We all prefer our individuality

to family, friends, and neighbors.

So what use pretending devotion to each other

when we prefer to drive alone

than share a ride with any living soul?

The Golden Rule has turned into a brazen caliper

befitting every situation planned

and built for obsolescence.

Neighbors are not worth the love

that we ourselves deserve.

Jesus has to be a god

for no man on Earth

can show such charity toward his fellows

but for something in return.

No Pythiases for Damons now.

The new virtues are calumny, privacy, supremacy, and gain.

Ask not what I can do for you

but what you can do for me.

Life is a game we call success

where only strength survives.

We play to win regardless of the weak:

number one the goal to seek

beyond the pale of kind and kin.

A castle on a hill or a darkened limousine,

power to create or destroy a human life,

and wealth unlimited by governments or gods--

these are all one needs to find the peace of mind

that comes with solitude.

A man alone is a wonder to behold.

Other people

when not a hell on Earth

are meant as stepping stones

to dominate the mystical pyramid

that towers through the ozone

where no vulgar mass of humanity

can block the privileged view.

Halleluya to the sole human!

Colossus of the World!

Start the music and step in time.

Do not choose a partner to lead or follow.

We can dance solo.

Duets are as sparse as happy children at home.

There is freedom in a pirouette

that spins to mind the independence we all seek

from parent, spouse, priest, and president.

Divided we stand taller than the next;

united we fall into commonplace equality

that hinders dominance.

Step to the beat,

O Giants of the Earth!

and make it quake with temblors of our own

that challenge volcanoes for storm and stress

and singularity of form.

We were created for dominion by a God

existing in our own image of what a deity should be.

No better proof of singular force can ever be found

than in this reflection of personal devotion

embracing itself

to do the solitary dance

of man alone.

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

Dying in battle is the greatest glory:

heroism best applied to those

who lay down their lives when calls to arms arise.

Giving up the ghost for God and Country is more ennobling

than any other sacrifice one can make for kith and kin.

What greater love has man or woman

as equal

than to lay down life for Flag or President?

What greater magnanimity

than dying in a noble cause where might makes right?

The military has been the most important movement

throughout the dates of history:

look at all the wars in which we fight, kill, and die

for freedom here and there.

What better proof of our own righteousness

than major victories around the globe?

And what better honors for the victors

than ribboned metals, cavalcades in town, and monuments in stone?

The heavens hold a holy place for warriors killed;

the military is the way to God

for gods themselves in just divinity

fought to dominate their realms with goodness over evil.

They created us in the image of their own kind;

no wonder we are specialists in death.

Just picture us with weapons in our hands

beneath a flag striped with blood

against a constellation of the heavens

echoing a burst of rocket-spray across the smoky air.

Enough to make a rich munitions man cry for joy.

No tyrants dare to tread on us for fear of wrath

befitting giants of the Earth.

Aside from gasoline aromas in the morning

we prefer nothing more than blowing up the enemy

or forcing him to grovel on his hands and knees.

The terror of the world is how we see ourselves

though guardians we choose to be

and the kindest people on the sphere.

How fortunate are we

to have been born in such a land of opportunity.

With freedom to do and say exactly as we please,

regardless of other peoples' points of view,

and choose whatever jobs we like:

army, air force, navy, coast guard, or marines.

The mass of unemployed throughout the world must look at us

with envy of our military force

that cares for those

who want to suck the breast of mother government

without the cursed stigma of relief.

Those welfare losers are inferior malingerers

who should sign up

if not too weak

to get into the service.

Only men and women fit enough for combat

are allowed to be the heroes of this society.

Thus, it is an honor to be chosen

for the wearing of a uniform trimmed in gold

no matter what our sex.

What a vision it will be

to see a unisex phalanx of military might

in step across the land

as wide as bomber wings

as long as vapor trails!

O what a wonder we can be

marching to the cannon blasts of ten-inch guns

the screams of gleaming brass

and piccolos whistling in the air!

Invincible are we when dressed to kill:

assault rifles, hand grenades,

and masks in case of gas from them or us.

And most of all

our attitude is bound for glory

at the end of altercations

from police actions on island states

that try to rectify poverty with socialistic systems

to all-out war on would be conquerors

who occupy another nation's land

with ragtag armies dragged away from home

to claim for their own

the resources we all depend on for jobs, toys, and fuel

and keep militant divisions on the move.

Our enemies beware the fury

that we bring to fields of battle

for we like nothing more than the thrill

that comes with violence.

Not family or friendship or sex

can distract us from our targets

when we rally to attack.

The cataclysms of the Earth

are rivaled by the orgasm of our young soldiers

on the march:

machines of death

our men-women become when they assault

exploding with the most creative rage

the world has ever known

to level life in all its forms

as far as the eye can see.

What a dream

to watch our boys and girls

achieving manhood through the martial arts

then striking terror in the timid hearts

of little people around the world

and finally coming home

to ticker-tape parades and honors and kudos

as the truly glorious heroes of our time!

There is none better on the Earth

than fighting men and women

who are winners in the game of do or die.

We have no need for art or science

or even business deals

except to further victories.

The God of War

our true deity for whom

we sacrifice the blood of the weak and meek.

Our churches are the training camps

the congregation, soldiers;

our bishop is Commander-in-Chief

our sacrament--the bomb.

The hymns we sing are marching songs;

our grace is honor under fire.

We deck the altar with captured flags

and pray to statues carved in tombs.

We must populate the planet with our kind

from parallel to parallel

and pole to pole

until we have no room to march or enemies to fight.

And then we must attack and conquer Mars

to colonize that planet.

There is no sphere in our system

more likely for our nation to subdue again

than that bloodied orb

we have named in homage to the battle god of Rome.

Now that was a nation worth dying for!

Those great and noble Roman heroes are

the prototypes for us to emulate.

Their glorious deeds are all we need to know of history.

Imitating them will make us masters of the universe.

SEX BY ANY NAME

If fucking feels good

it must be good.

Reactionary moralists claim

that sexual satisfaction should adhere

to strictly fashioned rules of behavior

but nothing could be further from the truth

as we have shown by the variety of ways

in which we get off our rocks.

Nowadays the coupling, tripling,

or multiple entangling of diverse attractive animals

for pleasure, profit, and even loving have proven

that the rule of democratic principles

determines right and wrong.

Enough do so: it must be right

regardless of the laws of life.

Thank God for the majority!

Where would we all be

if more had found it necessary

to follow the commandments

or the rule of natural selection

or limited to solitary lives of masturbatory sex

without a prayer?

Hell!

Millions of deviants cannot be wrong:

if countless people happily partake of sodomy

or S&M or bestiality or even incest

forced or faced

with men, women, children,

or the dead

then who are we

who would prefer to limit sex to love

between ourselves and spouses

of the other gender

to produce a family with children in the home

or bond a traditional marriage physically for life?

Who are we to say

that any style of sex is wrong

other than our own?

After all, we may find ourselves in the minority

if variegated sex continues in its popularity.

Besides it could be the natural way

of stopping population growth upon the globe.

In such a case, perverted sex may be as natural

as any ordinary form of humping.

So the proselytes of homosexuality,

who want to teach our young in schools

that boy in boy or girl on girl

are combinations good

as any old-fashioned copulation

should be allowed to show their stuff in class

and even encouraged to demonstrate

for we could do with more liberty

and less prudery on the planet.

And this could be a social advantage.

How much easier for boys to date each other

than ask girls to the prom.

And how much safer for girls to park and pet each other

Without the worry of pregnancy.

Then what simplicity in rating movies,

for the danger of corrupting youth would be eliminated

when anything goes.

Homosexuality would foster peace around the world

like no department of defense has ever done.

A man could never raise a gun

against another one

he found desirable.

Just let him look across the battlefield

into the eyes of youthful soldiers

too attractive to be penetrated

with a mass of red hot steel

and he would lay down arms and embrace the enemy

with fervor far beyond the joys of killing.

All men would be much more than brothers;

sex would satisfy their aggression;

love not war

would be the name they call their acts.

While some reactionaries prefer sex and love

according to tradition

peace on Earth is more important

than the way we stuff a bird.

So let us screw each other any way we want.

It makes no difference just how we do the deed.

Satisfaction counts much more than anything in life,

despite the negatives to that effect.

This land of opportunity affords us all

equal rights

and freedom to behave any way we please

so help us--God.

Then bless this land of liberty

where deviancy is becoming normal

as the birds and bees

and perversity is right

as love, life, death, and catching cold.

Do not let contracting disease

dissuade you from your preferred way of getting laid.

The gratification of the flesh is what we live for

besides pursuit of wealth.

And getting sick is just another obstacle of Nature

we must overcome

to further our exploitation of this world.

"No pain, no gain!" they say

who know the benefits of sweat and strain

to personify their vanity.

A little sacrificing is expected

when we are having fun.

So do not let the deaths of millions

from sexually transmitted disease

or the traumas to those who are raped

or damages to children from incest

or confusion from ménages a trois

or plummeting population

in all the most advanced societies of the world

make anyone abstain from alternative sexual behavior.

Everything that humans can do on Earth

for pleasure and for profit

is natural.

So what if future generations have less than we

to make their lives worth living?

No one guarantees for the future.

Here and now are all we know for sure

so let tomorrow take care of itself.

Today you march

demanding freedom and the right

to climax any way with whom you choose.

Carry flags of underwear and flaunt your genitalia.

Strut your stuff abroad and show your paraphernalia.

Take pride in sexuality

however twisted.

Love by any fame is lust as sweet

and corny as old forgotten charity.

The only give and take that matters now is kinky sex

that one can brag about.

So grab whatever is at hand

and grease your tools of fornication.

Sharing cells with stranger, beast, or baby

is better than masturbation.

THE KEY TO PARENTHOOD

Let someone else take care of the children

while there is money to be made

and time for having fun.

The urge to procreate predominates

when juicy ecstasy embraces flesh in love

so offspring are the natural result of marriage vows

however temporary they be.

Prestige attaches well to those

who can produce a child

for parenthood completes a life

like nothing other than career.

And immortality is guaranteed to them

succeeded by their progeny for generations

centuries to come.

But once born

and novelty goes the way of countless paper towels

and diapers full of piss and shit,

it is time to find a surrogate

to look after them from dawn to dusk.

The rich can hire nannies for their full-time care

while they escape to cultivate their tastes.

The rest, though, must find a way

to dump the kids on strangers

if the price is right

so they can remove themselves

for forty hours per week or more,

yet have the faith

that nobody is molesting their young.

Professionals are more adept to tame, train, and educate

than are the simple pair

who brought them to this world of peace and joy.

So why should mom or dad be saddled

with the stressful burden training brats

when they have more important things to do

like climbing corporate stairs?

Besides, society condones neglect of children now.

Just look at all the runaways we let alone

to roam city streets without homes to welcome them

with no chance to play.

Besides, they probably deserve their fate

for misbehaving constantly with parents

who unfailingly express their very best intentions

proven by cornucopias of gifts.

So leaving kids alone at home is not as bad as one thinks.

At least they have doors to lock in shelter from the cold

TVs to watch

refrigerators stocked

telephones in case of fire or theft

and time enough to meditate upon the wonders of the world.

By this they can become the independent,

self-sufficient citizens our country so admires

and grow up needing not a bit

from any other person on the Earth,

or giving in return.

From daycare to graduate school

their minds will be conditioned

for the challenges of life:

the competition to succeed,

aggression in the marketplace,

and ways to spend the private wealth

they gained from years of struggling to retire.

The sooner they learn to count their coins,

the better they will be.

Thus, tutoring for children is essential

For starting early on numbers and the alphabet

will jumpstart their brains

to make them millionaires before they die.

No better way to do a parent proud

than gaining fortune, fame, and power

in the Game of Capital.

Now, let us go to our jobs with peace of mind

to know that children at an early age,

yes, even just a few days old,

can be relinquished to a designated one

or other who will see that they are raised

as if with a real mom or dad.

Perhaps they will be better reared by them,

because a little distance is required

to see the reality

of how farmed out children will behave.

Let the experts

if not perverted

take the proper care of children;

they know best

just as we know how to make a buck.

The price we pay for a simple fuck

should not be too extreme.

It surely is enough

to foot the bill for years of room and board,

medicine and school

without the sacrifice of precious time away

from our more personal pursuits.

So we can have it all as we had hoped.

The destiny of living lies in getting

not in giving

regardless of what old-fashioned proverbs state.

As righteous individuals

we are entitled to the largest piece of pie

we can cut and eat alone.

Let not a sense of duty overwrought

prevent the freedom found in doing what we want

in spite of simple needs our kids may have.

They have their own lives to live

and must succeed in their own right

or perish from incompetence and inability.

Survival is the truest test of worth

in which a child must prove

he or she can win with all the best.

We give them life

and means to keep living for themselves

as we have done so well.

The key to happiness is found

among the other keys

upon the ring: one to fit the home

another for the safe deposit box

another for the car

one to run the boat

another one to fit the health club locker

and one for admission to the executive latrine.

Our children are never too young

to learn to value self-reliance.

Give them their own keys to latches on front doors

so they can let themselves into empty houses

until you can call a substitute

or come home after working late at night

and sneak a peek at them

when they have gone to sleep.

"EVERYBODY'S DOING IT."

What a wonderful world

when we know what to do

without a momentary thought

when all the ways and means of daily living

manifest themselves with the shifting wind.

O, change!

What a refreshing fundamental force

wedded to cosmic chance

and blessing order with variety

to season our existence.

These balmy breezes blow so steadily

we can foretell the future any ordinary day

by watching for the walk and talk

in fickle fashion at the time:

everything from hoops to mutts

shows in omnipresent glory

as proffered by the multitudes

in frantic panting approbation.

Yes to this, yes to that.

I will do the same

if only others show the way

especially anyone with honors glorified

for deeds of popular heroics

that feed fanatic following

as men medieval fueled their bonfires

with those irrepressible vanities.

O, show me a star

of ball field, screen, or rock guitar

who turns a hat around

hangs trousers at the knees

cuts hair like a patch of weeds

passes gas through megaphones

fucks brother and marries mother

vomits for the fun of it

and celebrates ugliness, stupidity, and horror

as sacraments of life;

then I will follow fervid suit

comforted in knowing

that millions of my fellow flock

are sure to look and act alike.

A wonder of the world

is how so many human beings

throughout the tales of history

have fought and died for individuality:

Socrates, Spartacus, Marat, Merrick, Gandhi, King;

and yet when opportunities open like placers in a goldfield

for people to form a crowd in current conformity

to fall in step along a garden path

many drop their different drums

and join the congregation popular by choice

then rejoice with the rest in confirmation.

All this shows how deeply rooted

our nervous need to belong to something

even if belonging means

wearing purple shoes like cinder blocks

that play a current tune

to the beat of each prideful step

along the way to a gangbang,

if merely a current star endorses them

and a flock follows wearing them

though paying double price

for the gaudy phonic things

or ripping them off a neighbor.

Amalgamating man inspires the mind

to wonder what will next appear

in garb, strut, or speech

so different in style from prior fads

but similar to the steaming pile of replicates

worn, moved, and mouthed by mobs

of any sex or ilk or age

at any period shorter than a life.

We have seen the breasts of dolls

ballooning out of bodices,

butts made bulbous by fashion molls,

teeth blackened to attract the eyes of samurai,

feet captivated for the fetishes of foolish men,

beards perfumed to attract more boys than girls,

wigs worn to rival gods profane or popular,

drawing rooms crowded floor to ceiling

with knick-knacks and bric-a-brac;

we see clothes sported like gowns on circus clowns

or grocery bags

or fused upon the flesh;

skin adorned with injected ink,

cattle rings,

and pins to keep the hide from falling off;

hair dyed to glow like neon

sprayed to ward off predators;

eyelids, lips, and nails painted black

as if costuming for death;

speech slurred to emulate the idiot

but touted as the way

to show an attitude of youthful coterie;

sports as beastly metaphors for mental clarity;

tractors preferred for traveling door to store;

guns stashed in night tables

ready for the fear and fury in our hearts;

spitting to express manliness

from either man or woman;

thinking used for gaining money or power;

love become equated with sex

where feeling good is virtue

and justice but revenge.

If humans live as evident in history

we may see

a phenomena ever more inventive,

for our imaginations shine

when establishing a fad;

our artistry is exemplified no better

than when we make a model foolery

for fellow fads to follow.

One can easily imagine a pop star

exploding in the mass mind like a supernova

with a quirky way

to wear hair and clothes

or show a mannerism;

not merely shaved, matted, or stained with blood

but pulled out by the roots in spots;

not merely dirty, torn, or oversized

but inside out

orgasmic fluids visible

as sheen upon a fashion line;

not merely exclamatory

with an arsenal of gaseous mucous

but by defecation hurled as curses

at an object of derision.

Then with our ovine brains

we fix on these manifests of human ingenuity

and rush to dressing room, clothing store, and costume shop

to find uniforms

to match our incandescent idols.

So hundreds, thousands, millions trip the streets

revealing by their mass mentality

how mobs of people cannot be wrong

who walk, talk, and stalk the same

regardless of the cause.

With such a combination

of initiative and conformity in mind

we are not surprised

to see a star of stage be politically popular

with money or blitz:

a hero fashioned overnight for masses to adore

(the stark proclivity of humanity through the ages),

a demagogue as demigod

who knows what bells to ring

to hypnotize the crowd into a state

where tyranny abounds.

So bleating people may give the keys

to their security of soul,

to that great figurehead

who promises happiness formerly unknown

for all who step into the long gray line

where everybody dresses the same

shouts the same slogans

and marches the same road

that leads to paradise.

THE FACE OF VANITY

How beauty from technology appears

in human form like immortality!

How the corrosive nature of time disappears

beneath the knife of medical design!

A face to flaunt arousing lips

with nose of graven grace

and eyes adorned with flecks of emerald and amethyst,

the visage unfettered with the horror of parentheses

engraved by joy and pain,

a body carved like David's or DiMilo's,

wigs to rival those of movie stars,

and muscles bulging suntanned skin

like nuts about to burst from ripened pods:

this the image of identity valued as number one in life

and sought in mirrored rooms.

The joys of vanity exceed rewards of charity

for we are born to please ourselves

with rich delight in life before we die.

No chance of paradise beyond this Earth

so far has been made manifest;

therefore, our hope for happiness must lie

in gratifying personal desires.

No one loves us as we love ourselves.

Narcissus is the god we most admire

so offering flesh in plastic bags on faith

that he will bless our surgery

and save us from mortal imperfections

visited on us from ugliness in ancestry

or flaws in Mother Nature

is but sacramental holiness at heart.

How could a sacrificial beauty be anything

but religious art?

So cut the fat from bags beneath the eyes

and jowls below the jaw.

Slice the skin that sags and wrinkles the mouth.

Stretch the face across the skull

and tie loose ends behind the ears.

If lips can only smile and eyes look Mongoloid

no need to cry about the change of face

for youthfulness expressing permanent exotic joy

becomes the body like paint on old furniture.

Suck the fat from breast, belly, buttocks, and thighs.

Stitch the teats to stand up high

but not to big and not too small;

the whole remodeled figure when unclothed

should make one think of statues in the Louvre

or deities round the Parthenon.

Now, if cancer invades silicon implanted flesh

do not complain.

It's but a tiny price to pay

for all the living toys of vanity.

Besides who wants to live beyond one's youth

illusory as it may be?

When one begins to look aged

despite the sucks and tucks

it is time to go to paradise

and leave behind an image in memory of all

who face each day with thinning hair, crumpling skin,

and bodies going south.

The sooner then to spot defects the better

to start cosmetic surgery.

The day of birth is not too soon

to cut and shape a nose, flatten ears,

or put some dimples in the cheeks.

A newborn knows no pain

as proven by carving up the penis.

Then one could surely tolerate

a little scalpel work around the face.

And who knows what?

We may soon be able to operate in utero

where change of sex can be performed on a fetus.

God knows

it may be possible to modify an embryo

before it gains a soul.

Genetic manipulation

may soon allow us to clone a super zygote,

sating age-old yens to reproduce perfection.

In the name of beauty, we could procreate a race

of altered homosapiens

that walk and talk like fashion models

fit the sex we would prefer each day

and stay young until we die.

Imagine what a world we would have

with so much gorgeous youth around!

Indeed, the charms of beauty could be grand made

by the scientific hands and minds excelling Nature

and improving on the work of God.

Manikins that stroll along the avenues

should differ not from those in store windows.

We prove divinity by proud improvements of the flesh.

What need we of spirit

when we have the body

to immortalize in paint and plastic?

Yes, we want ideals pulsing full of blood to show

we are better than other animals.

Truly, an eagle's gaze

does not hold the same keen look

as eyes uplifted by a surgeon's knife;

a young gazelle cannot compare

to figures carved and tucked from Roman nose

to toes crisscrossed for luck times ten;

gorillas are no match

for muscle pumped with steroid stew.

As from marble Michelangelo freed the forms of God

we too can liberate the one

we want to be at any chosen time.

But if a single nose job fails to please our vanity

then we can try other shapes

to find perfection in a beak:

scooped or hooked

curved or straight

broad or fine

pinched or pugged--

any shape to suit a present whim.

After all, it matters not who we are

but how we look to others

and especially to ourselves

when mirrors cast reality on our wishful dreams

to be models of perfection

despite the secret defects in our souls.

THE MASTER RACE

Give us girls with muscles in their arms

as big as oak limbs

for boys to hang their weight upon

when drunk with lust.

Give us girls capable of anything

boys can do and will.

Let them play from birth with warrior dolls of unisex

and keep the kitchen craft out of reach.

No sense confusing them about gender purposes.

Too soon they learn the nasty joys

that come from pestles stirring passion up in bowls.

We must provide them with identities

equal to the calls for competition in the world

that lies ahead or behind

depending how we leave it--good or bad.

And if the planet will be livable at all

for animals besides bugs invisible

in sea, sand, and sky

we want a phalanx force of militants

who march on paths of glory

to the tune of "Guns and Money",

proud to be more male than woeful men

who worry most about the clothes they wear

the cars they drive

and signals sent to one another

showing who is stronger, richer,

and more capable of great success

without an intellect.

O give us girls of manliness

tall as trees with bodies big as Hercules

with narrow hips in dirty overalls

and tightened lips in lantern jaws

to make a giant shiver;

eyes to pierce the hearts of men

and set their paunchy guts a-quiver.

Let them wear suits of twill and tweed

with codpieces in their crotches

to resemble dandy boys

who waltz the avenues of fashion.

Let these brawny babes do the work of men.

God knows the males have screwed things.

So let women earn the wealth

by cutting trees, fishing seas, and using up the land

by driving trucks, racing boats, and flying into space

by leading people, making laws,

and fudging life or death.

A matriarchy lifts the sex of womanhood

to hierarchal heights

where it probably belongs these days

since motherhood has gone the way of love,

knowledge,

and responsibility.

So we should not feel foolish to assume conceiving,

bearing, birthing, and nurturing children

would become passé

along with marriages for love and life till death.

Now, none of this means

we are decadent as human kind

for Nature works in ways as wondrous

as any god's display of artistry in seven days

or plagues of insects, hunger, poverty, and war.

The changes in our womenfolk

to make them more like men

are probably designed by God to further evolution.

We all want perfection as the goal of life

no matter how far below it we find ourselves

so this phenomenon of women changing roles

is but an indicator of nothing more than hormones

altered for the sake of simplifying species:

one can do the job of two.

So why go on this way of strife

between a husband and a wife?

Without desire to procreate

two sexes are nothing but redundancy

at odds to dominate.

If children they should want,

no offspring need they bear

but buy from farms

where babies are forced into this world

from breeding pairs

believing that to mate and reproduce their kind

however dull

will make men more manly

and women more meaningful as mothers.

Farms like these are burgeoning from pole to pole

and swelling the girth of humanity round the globe.

With basic food, simple sports, and little education

people of the poorer class

are herded into neighborhoods

and kept as happy as flocks of sheep.

Pleased to bear babies every year,

they quickly show a surplus

like rabbits in a hutch.

Then when a woman wants to try

her calloused hand at mothering

she pays a fee sufficient to distract

the natural responsibility of reproducing pairs

and takes the child unto herself in solitude

unless she finds a wife

who also wants a child.

Economy may indicate such coupling:

we all know

two can live financially better than one.

And 'twomen' sharing life can earn almost as much

as the backward union of man and woman

so no practical problem prevents a female family.

Of course children born as males from breeding stock

would probably be left among the herd

but even they can be acceptable

by having their sex changed

with surgery to transfer genitals

and their hormones cleaned

to prevent growth of coarse, unsightly hair

yet foster ample growth of breasts.

All you need of males is breeding studs

to guarantee an endless line of wo without man

attached to taint the purity of feminism.

Then those civilized of the future world

will be comprised of wos alone

untouched by masculinity

excepting what is found by chance and cultivation

in the masses of the fe without the male

for men with all their antiquated traits

can be eliminated to refine the species.

Any men

allowed to mingle with these 'wofes'

would serve as eunuchs at courts of matriarchs

to cook and cater epicurean repasts, fondle harps,

and dance duets in drag

to stimulate carnality among their former distaffs

without the staffs.

Now, males may think a problem lies herein:

the difficulty of getting laid

without the intromission of tube into another.

They forget

that organs common to both sexes

from the forming of the embryo

are capable of rigid response to tactile stimulation

and effective cause for like satisfaction.

And should an atavistic pair desire

to have their sex by the old in and out,

attachments can be found for poking holes

or even therapies applied by hand

to pull and draw the clitoris at length

until capable of filling vaginas

with femme to femme delight.

So then, the last concern we should have

as always most important

is defense of national security:

the call to arms to make a billion bucks.

But do not fear for gold or land.

These phalanxes of military dominance

shall not be weakened

by enlisting only wofes to fight the wars

that rage among humanity

for wealth, religion, political power

and all the other vanities

that cause people to kill each other.

We have shown in recent military actions

to free one nation from another

that a wofe is just as capable as any man

when annihilating artifacts

and bombing cities full of young and old

and devastating lands inhabited by life inferior,

for wofes able to dominate by superior physical force

should rule Earth as chosen people blest

by their own goddess of supremacy.

O what a wondrous world would wofes create

if man could be eliminated from humanity!

Then 'huwomanity' would be the word of honor

spread round the globe.

So femininity would no more be restricted

to the home and hearth:

no need for patience, nurturance, or love

to be wasted on husbands or their male descendants.

Delicacies of taste can be absorbed into this monosex

and blended with aggressiveness to lead

conquer

and dominate the Earth.

Imagine monumental Eves with their ribs intact

bossing the Big Apple

stomping snakes

and making money instead of knowledge.

Such produce is more profitable than education.

We see this proven

by old men picking clean the marketplace

of the fruits of vanity

and leaving books behind.

So wofes can carry the ball, baton, or purse

of golden opportunity

to run the race and win the wealth

at everyone's expense.

Then they could back a madam president

to dance before the people

while concealing strings attached

and those few vestiges of independent thought

left unconditioned by the media

intent on changing how they use their brains.

The world would be their oyster

and such they may want it

with no men hounding them for prurient favors.

Yes, they would be relieved

to be set free from harassing male pigs.

Imagine all those noble Amazons inhabiting the globe!

Environments would be protected

from the waste of male development

and species would be saved from exploitation and extinction.

Choice would be the watchword of this new regime

so what is right and good for wofes would be

the rule for life and death on Earth.

How can the people fail

when superior feminine warriors rule the roost,

the pen, the yard, the house,

and every square inch on the sphere.

The problem then of population would be not so critical

for wofes would care for things

much better than the men have done.

With wofe intelligence

no task could be too difficult

no problem too complex.

Utopia would finally be within reach:

once men with all their wickedness

are removed from power to corrupt the universe

then perfect harmony will play among the stars

and God shall be revealed

to have a womb beneath two teats.

Yes, give us girls with guts of stainless steel

bodies of Olympian size and strength

hearts to forge reality from dreams

minds to make the world a miracle

and souls to finally produce a master race.

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW

Take the test

and score among the chosen.

Train to compete against the world

to make the country Number One.

Simple as that.

What a marvelous distillery

this theory of schooling for the masses!

Crowd into classrooms

memorize the facts

then feed them back on tests until year-end.

Graduate with a certificate of knowledge in one hand

and a job contract in the other.

Grades are all that count

so use your brains to get the highest marks.

Do not think about thinking for its own sake.

Only facts distributed matter;

truth will only shake the status quo.

Besides, it is much too difficult to know.

Do what you are told to fit the mold.

Accept gratefully what little you get

for students should not expect too much.

Deprivation is another test

to find out if one has the wherewithal

to rise above the commonplace

and stand among the best.

Poverty is not an evil in itself

as are the poor

who will not work a way to wealth

that proves a good man from a bad

but just the crucible

that separates gold from dirty ore.

Be thankful for a desk where you can work;

although, it teeters on legs uneven.

Be thankful you have the light to see

what you are supposed to do

provided tubes and wires are operative.

God knows we need a brightened world

where we can enlighten our minds

though illumination filters through filthy glass

and seeps from dirty lamps.

But most of all be grateful for the teacher

who stands before you with so little honor and reward.

Forget that sometimes he bores you to sleep

with long monotonous lectures

on obscure and occult facts of ancient history

or that she inundates you with exercises

that fill hours in and out of class.

Forgive them

when they seem to care nothing for your concerns

but pursuing partial pay for part-time work

and dashing off from school to school.

At least you have a teacher for the course

unless rejected for lack of space and personnel

because the wealthy ones in power refuse

to share their excess with institutions as insignificant

as education for the commonweal.

If you should be fortunate

to endure the years of memorizing

names, dates, places, events, theories, facts, and definitions

only to be tested and forgotten along the way to graduation

and if you choose the right subject for the best career,

then people with money and prestige will honor you

for following the rules.

But do not be foolish to think

school is to awaken and enrich the mind

or to ennoble heart and soul for life.

No, schools are training camps

to make young competitors of industry

so their captains can dominate the world.

But take the test.

It is worth a try to be touted as the best

that a market-based society can reproduce.

What have you got to lose?

Your folly will be intact

and if you pass, you can pretend

you are among the national elite

for having got a college degree or three.

Then your earning power will be excellent

if you decide to join an industry

recognized as valuable to the rich and powerful

such as high technology

marketable science and craft

persuasive communications

fossil fuel development

and sales of weaponry for war

to every third rate country in the world

that has the cash to pay.

You see

you have much to gain by going through school:

feeling full of self-importance fat as your wallet

and a usefulness to make your employers

happy as long as you are able to produce.

Remember, dogs are eating dogs out there

and cats are eating birds.

Try to fly to high alone

and you wind up a turd guttered to the sea

along with all the waste expelled from rectal pipes

that jut from consummate industriage.

Getting to the top counts most from what you learn.

Winners are the ones

who receive the adulation of the crowd;

losers are left alone to die.

Intelligence means the most to make a profit

but do not try to learn too much or think creatively

for intellectualism is a stamp of heresy

assigned to renegades who dare to change the world.

Things are fine the way they are.

Worry not a beat.

What you know not hurts you not.

Do not give another thought

but look for only personal gain

as everything that matters anyway.

Everyone knows

we are on Earth to enjoy ourselves.

So get what you can before the clock winds down

and tally up the fun and things

collected from your winnings

in this global game of life.

Thus, serious education is a waste of time

and no one listens to eggheads anyway.

Simply pass the tests offered by all the powers

that we let control us for their benefit.

And if you are fortunate

to be selected to perform a mediocre task

that pays you well

then you shall find your happiness

your reason for being.

That is all you know and all you need to know.

SAVE A TREE

Now that education is nearly extinct

book pollution is next in line for just elimination.

Information pictures ordered for the marketplace

by governing corporations

provide all we need to know about our world.

So money wasted on the libraries

would be much better spent in other ways:

traffic makes our lives so inconvenient--

roads and bridges ought to be repaired.

More prisons need to be constructed soon

to punish all the criminals

we produce, convict, and sentence

over rights as slick as polished chrome.

The national defense is of paramount importance

to preserve the freedom to get rich

in spite of any other need

so billions spent on tools and fools of death are necessary.

Yet, perhaps the best use we can make of wealth

is let the rich keep all for their investment funds.

No one wiser than successful men-women of money.

Chosen by God to profit off the rest of us,

they know better than any egghead economist

how to save or spend a dime.

Bourgeois by nature

yet in style extravagant as a Bourbon king

the billionaire knows from where he came

and will not forget a debt to folks like you and me.

No, do not tax the upper class too much

but let their liquid lucre trickle down

like grace from heaven's throne

spontaneously willed by powers superior to most.

And if in their rare wisdom

they lock the Knowledge Temples

letting old books become dust,

it must be good for all.

Besides, the buildings could be better used

as shelters for the homeless

or even prisons for the hapless.

Better yet, they can be storehouses

for weapons needed more than ever

what with all the ignorant, illiterate, abused

and violent people roaming town.

Close them down.

It would be so unfair

to dare expect the well-heeled elite

to shoulder social burdens

needless as schools, police departments, fire stations

and libraries of dirty books few read.

Shut them up

and send their keepers into other jobs

more practical to profiteers

than working for spreading truth.

And if civilian jobs cannot be found

let them join the military

to protect the freedom of the marketplace

and rights for all with any sense

to make a killing while it lasts.

The key to life in our society is competition.

Get it lest the other guy gets it first

and stabs you in the back along the way.

The tactics of the jungle need no books but guns

for in this world we learn by experience.

Yes, trial and error could doom several species

and even many of our own

but we can handle that as well as any disease.

And, too, a little knowledge being dangerous,

best we leave the benefit of knowing

history, science, and the arts

to those in power

who know uses proper for our governance.

A healthy innocence never did any harm.

Just look how happy so many people seem to be

holding beer in hand instead of book

and gazing agape at war on television--

real, fake, or played for championships of the world.

They do not need the mental exercise

required to read the pages of a tome

written by an artist for the good of humankind.

How boring without pictures to replace imagination

and hinder the strain of thinking!

Might makes right

so muscles mean more than brains.

We all see simple evidence of that.

Leave the tasks requiring thought to those

who prove superiority by their material success

and let the bulk of us perform the jobs requiring brawn

be unencumbered by the mind in fits of contemplation.

Anyone who heard the rumors of the past should know

that freedom of the mind

awakened by the words replete in books

may foment popular unrest and revolution by the masses

to threaten enclaves of the status quo.

Knowledge

be it little or a lot

is dangerous if cultivated for inferiors

who do not appreciate its power

or know the way to use it well

to benefit the right people in place and time.

The ignorant are easier to control

for peace and freedom and prosperity,

so closing all the public libraries will help humanity.

If we really want to aid the world

then let us burn a book to save a tree.

THE HERITAGE OF DINOSAURS

Take a dip in petroleum seas.

The buoyancy is better

and you get an oil-down while you swim.

Ignore the birds bobbing in the soup;

you want the fish in large numbers

belly up and floating in the grease

ready for the frying pan.

But keep the fire small

yet high upon the beach.

We want no conflagrations raging wild.

The surf is good for boarding too;

the waves are highly viscous

that provides the best control

with rides as slick as buttered glass.

Wetsuits unnecessary here:

the oil furnishes complete coating

that insulates against the cold currents

drifting in from waters virginal.

Use a little ingenuity

and cars can be serviced

before they carry you from the coast.

Unfortunately nature finds a way

to infiltrate our best attempts

to gain control of the environment

where we all must live.

But with undying effort

world dominion will be ours

as the image in the mythic mirror tells us.

Then we can turn this chaotic sphere

into a man-made paradise on Earth:

a technological Promised Land

where we shall dwell as lotus-eaters

while machines do all the work

physically and mentally.

And we can play the Game of Wealth

to find the number one.

After all, we live to enjoy ourselves

and lord it over others less fortunate than we.

What better way for proving this true

than bathing in a flood of fossil fuel

and coming out on top?

Petroleum provides reason and result

of what we do in life.

No better cause for war exists

than to protect our energy.

National security depends on easy access to oil

to lubricate and power weapons made

to preserve our liberty

and stuff our moneybags.

Economy runs by oil as much as any car:

stocks and bonds would crash and burn

if not for futures fixed on oil reserves.

Our very jobs rely on the slick

that floats on oceans

and coats continental shores.

And what have we to show

for this immersion in the fat?

Why, lots of things and money in the bank.

The wonders of this industrial age

are owing to the uses we put to oil.

Civilization has reached monumental heights

because of all the standard things

we made from precious liquid black.

Indeed, its former structure would be a shell

with an X

where progress used to be

were it not for the pioneers of dear petroleum

who made this world the lovely place it is today.

So every time you thank your lucky stars

for wielding an electric carving knife

be grateful for the oil

that made the plastic grips to fit your hands

and the power to alternate electric current

to agitate the blade

to buzz through roast of beef

laying slices side by side

for neat and delicate tastes.

With wonders such as these

who knows what conveniences lay ahead

to make our lives as easy as a slug's on a leaf?

Perhaps we will be fortunate some day

to languish in the pleasures of devices made

to scratch our backs

nurse and feed our babies' cries

and wipe our asses when we shit.

Perhaps the day will come

when we can synthesize

the heritage of dinosaurs

and then produce a limitless supply of oil

to fuel an endless traffic jam

on the roads

in the sky

and the waters of the globe.

With infinite hydrocarbons

the techno-wonders of the world will never end.

While such abundant energy would change

the atmosphere, environment, and life on Earth

of course we too would have to change.

Adapt or die is the law of Nature

that rules all species high or low.

So what have we to fear

from smoke or smog or loss of oxygen?

The strongest will survive

and thrive to reproduce a mutancy

advanced beyond humanity to enjoy a planet

hot and gray

with skies of yellow haze

and rivers, seas, and lakes of waste

where water used to be.

To honor this brave new world we make

we ought to celebrate new technology:

marinate a road-kill in oil

roast it in a smoldering tire

say grace to thank the lord for things

and pass the barrel around.

Pour tankards full of sweet crude

aged in crankcase casks

and toast the gods of industry

who made us giddy a-swim in petrol pools

and as happy breathing carbon gas

as songbirds used to be with the fresh air

in purer days of pre-petroleum.

THE MEANING OF LIFE

Gold!

The reason for being alive:

the symbol of success

in the marketplace veneer

of treasured artifacts and art

and reflection of the glorious star of god.

The majesty of men is magnified

by the gleam of trappings fit for royalty

remindful of halos round the holy.

Gems embedded in a nest of gold

reveal a heightened beauty

no ripe fruit on a tree can more attract.

If we could eat that tender yellow metal

our needs might be relieved

for love, mercy, peace of mind, and luck

gravitate to the center of wealth

amassed by those smart enough to use its power.

Just forget the platitudes of sages

who for ages have professed virtue

as the means to happiness in life.

What else could they talk about

but dearth to poor people

who had nothing else

for which to get up in the morning?

Christ and Confucius seldom held two coins together.

And Judas got but silver in exchange for his god.

Even Siddhartha could only choose nirvana

as the goal of life

when he had given up his gold.

For centuries we have not seen

the joy inherent in a treasure chest.

Instead, we have been distracted

by the cries of oddball prophets

who insist lives are made meaningful

by art and thought

and values handed down from ages past:

sacrifice, fortitude, and knowledge.

But thankfully we have wised up

to the real meaning of life

so most of us now put our eggs

into the golden bowl of greed

labeled MINE.

And about time we do

for time as money

waits for no one slow enough

to contemplate the cosmic rule

and miss the business deals that make us rich.

Now, should you be rash enough to think

that happiness comes from something abstract,

such as the silly satisfaction

one may hope to find

in accomplishments unappreciated

by almost everybody on the globe

then look around at people clamoring for gold.

So many cannot be wrong.

Look at their smiling faces

as they dash past on their headlong way

to catch the golden ring.

You never see such joy

on the faces of artist, teacher, scientist,

or one who gives a life to helping others

troubled or diseased.

The point is proven best

by the success of lotteries across the land.

What better evidence of the value of money

than the ecstasy infecting everyone

with vision for the finer things of life?

Look how we rush to make a million bucks!

It warms the heart to know people realize

what counts the most in our existence.

Wealth is what we want;

wealth is why we live.

Pure gold is sacred

as the Holy Grail suspended in the air;

for it we quest as knighted hordes

whose honor is fairly shone

by gilded armored cars and bank accounts of lucre.

All the deeds of men for centuries

are whistles in the wind

compared to substantial net worth in Au.

Foundations built upon a yellow vein endure

beyond those built on red or blue.

Humanity and aristocracy are but buttresses

of bourgeois castles on hilltops.

Rulers of Earth are not princes, prelates, or presidents

but masters of the marketplace

and their heirs of riches forged from fools.

The winners are the wealthy ones,

so get it anyway you can.

Paradise is not the afterlife

but here and now.

The only pearly gates around

are found in front of mansions of the grand elite.

Now, pray for windfall profits

sheltered from the tax collector

and an endless line of credit in reserve.

The human race is run for gold in limited supply.

Forget about the rules made for losers

who cannot compete in games so critical.

Just win at any cost to those

who lag behind for spiritual pursuits.

The lucky are the heroes of this race

and happiness is weighed in bars per ton.

A CAPITAL DEFENSE

Hang 'em!

What the use of coddling criminals

who wantonly destroy our lives?

Forget their reasons why:

birth defects

parental cruelty

toxin poisoning

drug abuse

mental illness.

Adults and children who break the law

must be punished without mercy.

Oh, yes, a trial by jury should be held

for that is the American way

but let us not pretend

obvious perpetrators of heinous crimes

are innocent of even sensible acts of violence

for without a doubt

they are capable and culpable

of murder, mayhem, rape, and massacre.

No, try them fast

convict in minutes

and throw them into hotels of horror

famous round the world.

Why waste the money or time on appeals

when twelve righteously vengeful people

decide these rats's expected fates?

Lock 'em up

and let them serve their time

to sweat and stew in their putrid juices

as well as those of their convicted comrades

piled around their beds.

Pack them in like stacks of rotten wood

until the roof and walls swell out

then build more to house these hosts of hostiles

that we in our singular society

of life, liberty, and happiness

produce so plentifully.

And if we should run out of funds

to build more prisons,

turn to better use the schools

by letting parents teach their kids at home

the way we used to do.

And if too blind to lead the blind,

let brail show them the way

to love learning for earning.

Those structures we built

to indoctrinate our youth

can be converted

to incarcerate our burgeoning uncouth.

They look like barracks, bomb shelters, and fortresses

so surrounding them with razor wire

a few strategically placed gun towers

and volts to circuit the compounds

would provide secure facilities to hold

killers, thieves, rapists, bums, and cannibals

that journey from our loving homes

through this land of opportunity

to end their lives as wards of government.

Now, I hear voices rising in protest

but you already know

we cannot indefinitely house

the gross numbers of criminals

bound to be dragged through the crowded courts.

And more important far

we are unwilling to pay the price

to shelter, clothe, feed, and care

for those abominations of our kind--

and rightly so.

What are we to do

but clear the cells of crowded bodies

to make room for more--

ever-exploding scores?

One way is make our jails amusement parks

to entertain the curious masses

who would pay the price to see

these famous doers of evil deeds

skulking behind bars

or better gassed, hanged, shot, and cooked.

Such display of animals

could attract more sightseers

than do our common zoos.

And if this does not guarantee

a return for our investment

fortunately we have long preserved a way

used for centuries by our ancestors

as early as the age of stone

to render evil ineffectual

and scare it out of hell.

People primitive have learned

that torture and execution are means

to keep the crime rate down.

And two magnificent effects are carved

by this two-edged sword:

one, the criminal population reduced

for dead crooks do no dirty deeds

and maimed crooks are not able;

two, the rest of us so terrified

by threat of prolonged suffering with pain

before a drawn out death

that we would have to be crazy

to break the law in any way

beyond the usual

embezzlement, fraud, or cheat.

Another benefit could come

from beating and killing felonious trash

if we can put aside our ethics

as more and more we do

and concentrate on practicality,

our historic specialty.

Thousands of useless bodies

tenderized by torture head to toe

instead of being carbonized

and stored in clay forever

could be swiftly bled and butchered

then stored in freeze-dried parts

to be dispersed far and wide

to feed the law-abiding citizens of state.

Of course the choicest cuts of tenderloin

would be reserved for five star restaurants

to gorge the elite of our society.

A new sensation could be found

from eating man-eating man.

And fast food restaurants could gain a windfall boon

from executed meat

replacing much of cattle grown

on pasture lands deforested

thereby improving public relations worldwide.

And finally starving children of exotic civil wars

that rage to replace one tyrant with another

could be fed protein enough

to grow them into future soldiers.

But some precautions must be followed

ere this convicted meat be served:

thorough cooking is required

to kill not only bacteria, worms, and viruses

that pervade corrupted flesh

but also any strain of DNA

that could through processes yet unknown

convey a hidden evil message

turning eater into eaten by the wicked genes

that may be driving

those psychopathic men, women, and children

to commit such hideous acts of ruin.

So barbecue their captive butts.

We reproduce so fast

that millions must be butchered, branded, and approved

by Departments of Corrections and Agriculture

for mass consumption on a global scale

never seen before our time.

And trillions of people in days to come

will need this meat

and savor it more than ever,

especially having lost every other species

on which we used to gorge

but rats and ants.

Fortunately violent crimes increase

with human population growth

so our subsistence will be well assured

if we can cease our foolish penchant

for humane efforts

to prevent the monsters of our kind

from committing monstrous crimes

and dedicate ourselves to serving them up

as they and we deserve.

AMERICAN DREAMER

O to be rich and famous!

Then all my passions

natural, perverse, and profane

would be gratified at last.

The law's long limb could not reach me.

I could get away with thievery, rape, and murder

and continue wallowing in my wealth

while the world wonders at my power.

Nowhere else in all man achieves

can such untouchable glory pertain.

And I would owe it all to wondrous humanity

that wastes no time or energy

on difficulties of thought

but shoves its dripping heart into the air

like Lady Liberty's flaming lamp

above the tarnished door.

There I stand

eyes fixed on a constellation in the sky

renamed for me from ancient lore.

A hero I would be to younger

generations rolling into life on Earth

like phalanxes of waves on the blasted shore

for they could look up to me

as children to a father

a lord of liberty at any cost

a king of confidence in human gullibility

and find their way to upper elevations

by look or hook or crook

across the fields of screams

the screens of dreams.

A star of popularity is all I want to be.

No need for books to be read studiously

on thoughts born struggling from the mind

for effete connoisseurs of ivory-towered intellect

pondering promises unfulfilled.

Give me glad of eye

strength of bone

and wit enough to work winsome wiles

into the idle mind of man.

Then I will ride on the shoulders of the masses

gathered into my favored audience--the mob--

to make myself a legend out of ordinary rhyme.

The time is right for evil to be good

and glorified beyond the myth of sanctity.

Holiness is but a talking head

haloed by spotlights illuminating fame.

A name is made for history books

by repetition of the loudest accolades.

The prize is given to the winner of the race

regardless of color, gender, or disbelief.

And I am just the one to come in first

for I have all the qualities of greatness

in these flaming days

fanned by blind enthusiasm

or ogled by video-glazed eyes:

handsome face, heroic build, talent for the game,

and most important--a gift for making people agree

that one as beautiful, strong, and competitive as I

could only be a saint in our society.

The gladiator victorious has been the god of crowds

so now when little matters more

than scores and points on a page

I could swing amid my cheerful following

with blood on my hands,

lies on my lips,

violence in my heart,

and they would make of me

an archetype for all the secrets of the dark

harbored in the booming breast of humanity.

Vanity, you say?

I laugh at your naïveté

for vanity is everything to us

who march around the Earth

as if we were the masters of the world

the Supreme Being's cosmic common noun

soon to be made proper by sheer numbers

multiplying on a sphere.

I hear the adulation of adoring ones

And swell with pride at praise

for doing my base best to exaggerate my name.

Who can blame me?

Certainly not my peers

who out of righteous ignorance and resentful rage

at the injustices in life

forgive me for sharp attacks

on figures familial or innocent

and send me blithely on my way

with gladdening hands

and wishes for my peaceful sleep at night.

Certainly not the friends and families of people

on whose toes I've stepped

while running for that glittering goal:

they could not blame me for ambition

driving me to win

regardless of the incidental cost

along the path to greatness.

Is not this the American way?

I am only having my say.

Certainly not the children

whom I sired as inheritors of fortune

blessed with fame

will not blame me.

They grow up holding me esteemed

though seldom being held themselves

except in photos for the press.

But what's the fuss?

Afterall a man must keep his image

big and bright enough to play

the sentimental strings of human beings.

No, none can blame me for the man I am

when I am made by men and women like you

who honor me as hero of the century:

perhaps because you see in me

the shadows of yourselves

gilded by glory from popular renown

as projected on a wall of personal dreams

to keep an audience enthralled

with fantastic flickerings

that distract the mind

from seeking the simple goodness of the sun.

Bah! Glamour is the magic working here.

And fools like you cheer to see my act

having paid the price of your own souls

at the gate of gullibility.

Enjoy the show!

The world outside will never miss your minds,

you will find the best of life is locked

inside this gleaming cage of self-deceit

appearing to be reality.

ANGELMYST

How fortunate are we to be the chosen ones;

that is, if you and I are in fact elected

by the determinations of our good old God.

No other animal on Earth attracts

so much attention from the sky

since Adam and Eve conversed with super humans

yet lost the perfect family plot.

We have always dallied with immortals of heaven

and thought ourselves diviners of divinity:

in Egypt we adored the animals as courtiers of Ra,

in Sumer we made ancestors advisors for our lives,

in India we sainted ourselves by asceticism as art,

in China we found spirits everywhere we looked,

in Greece we created Hermes as angelic prototype,

in Palestine we established angels as a race,

in Rome we tried to scare them off the Earth,

in Europe we recovered them to personify our prayers,

America has carried on the faith like bison on the run.

Our country stands upon great trust

in the God of Abraham and Christ:

our nascent documents of law and liberty

call on this ancient biblical deity

to bless our farms and factories for feast and fortune

our military for victory in our holy wars

our sports for victory

on the field of honor

for on only battlefields and ball fields do people

besides those in sanctuaries or sanitariums

send up so many prayers to win a fight or game.

All the same.

For we converse with God in all adversity

expecting answers in the forms

of health, wealth, scores, and points on a signal hill.

And answers we are sure to get

delivered by messengers since Eden

who have visited us with words of warning

news of heaven bad or good

to lock the gates of Earthly paradise

stay the hand of sacrifice

and announce the belly that bore the fruit of love

to die upon a bloody tree.

The messengers of our celestial skies

have never been reluctant

to address the innocent of heart

who welcome invalids to bathe in sudden springs

who burn for love from one of their own kind

who don the metal needed for winning war.

So now as always in the brightest ages

angels borne on wings like giant pale doves

along shafts of gold-moted light

reflected from the beaming eyes of God

descend in ministrations to the human race

with holy feathers wafting drafts of ambrosia

descendant to the hopes of unhappy mortals

regardless how immaculate our minds

longing for the confirmation of a cosmic love.

As animals superior by soul to other living things

regardless how endeared to Earthly life

even lesser feathered friends of flight may be

we bear as images of God

the magnetism to attract those couriers of grace

consorting and cavorting with sprites ethereal

whether cherubim suggesting love affairs among the host

or angels arch who lord power over us with sword and horn.

And they fail not

if testimonies of the faithful hold some truth

to fly to us like flocks of swans

coursing on a migratory V to proper climes;

although, these days of fear with devils in our midst,

produce inclemency more than mercy in the air.

Reports reliable from print and imprint visual

are vouching for the visiting of winged wonders

rivaling aliens from other planets

we have counted on before

to show us how important we must be

in space and time infinity.

So Culturus Populus--

that one true worldly system of belief

beyond religious faiths from sun to son

has sanctified these birds of paradise

for us to follow like apostles of the holy ghost

and bathe our tainted souls in holy light

and gaze upon loving eyes

seen to soothe our troubled minds.

Indeed, the ceilings of Tiepolo

have come to life among the clouds

and swooped in numbers not known

since Lucifer revolted.

But these spirits must be the loyalists of Christ:

the cohorts of Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel

who tend our anxious woes

for they mean not to tempt us into sin

but comfort us in the misery we daily make ourselves.

Thank God for this benignant angelus!

And ring the bells of gratitude for grace deserved.

Salute them in the sky!

They fly to us beneath the prismatic arch of hope

and bring a holy light as bright as perfect love

to color in the blank spots we find among our days.

Hearts be glad!

Despair be damned

as we are certified by descendants of divines

to be absolved of all our sins

and saved for future fortune and fame.

This proves how good we are as human souls

despite the hectares of waste

we leave in the wake of rushing birth to death:

such the produce of progress.

It must be so.

No other animals apparently are visited

by representative angelic forms

in spite of their natural indifference to sin

because they do not reflect the shape of God

as we have pictured Him

since Phidias carved His form in stone.

Yes, we alone of all our fellow organisms on Earth

deserve these harbingers of heaven

reminding us how special we must be

to have so many holy things soaring out of paradise

just to make some people sanctified

for simply being human

though precious ones.

Unfortunately others of mankind

have not yet been blessed

by these visions on the wing.

Alas, we few must not be found

among the favored of the race

or else we have not yet tuned in

to perfect harmony with holiness

as must required be for anyone to see

an angel hovering above our heads

with graceful arms outspread

to focus loving eyes on a weary soul.

Admittedly I am one who has yet to sight

a spirit of eternal afterlife.

Perhaps I have not shown the proper attitude

and should desist from studying art and history

and imitating beauties on the Earth

but kneel amid the clamor and clangor of the crowd

accepting the static tide encircling my waist

and raise my gaze to watch for spirits of the light

to visit me from holispheres

where happiness abounds

as commonly as misery around the world.

Then maybe some supernatural wind hovers will

show to me a place

where I too will forget the only nature I have known

and carry me to sleep with all the other devotees

who have won the right

of sacred visitation from the seraphim on high.

So let us pray....

HAIL THE HERO!

Thank God for heroes!

Without them we would be

but aimless wanderers in foreign lands.

Throughout the ages man has sought and found

men and women great of deed and noble of soul,

personifying all the ideals of a people

to show the way to being civilized.

The litany is longer than this page allows

but I should list a few

to frame the scope of history and humanity at best.

Just think of Gilgamesh, Ulysses, and Mahavira.

Remember Christ and Joan of Arc and Abraham Lincoln.

These have served to model moral dignity

for all posterity to emulate.

Yes, though they departed

we continue seeking models of heroic honors.

Our time does not differ from any other

but we are blessed with opportunities abundant,

finding men and women worth idolatry so readily at hand,

of which the finger follows words

across the tallow columns of tabloid melodrama

and pushes buttons on remote controls

to gather newsprint, audio, and video messages

that glorify our superstars of sport, war, and fantasy.

How fortunate are we

to be surrounded by so many giants

idolized as gods upon the Earth:

a man who runs a race

faster than his fellow steroid freaks;

a woman who downs more fighter jets

than any other high tech killer;

a boy who fans the crowds to frenzy

with violent noise euphemized as music;

a girl who parades her sculpted body

while pretending to sing a melody;

a personality who plays a role on screen

magnetizing people to the image of worthy character

manipulated one the same.

And once we fix upon a choice of star

nothing interrupts our steady gaze

bewildered by entrancing light of glittering mirage.

One can do most anything to satisfy an urge

no matter how depraved

for once apotheosized by rattle, bang, pop

the hero stands above the laws of church and state

and even common decency.

Of course we see them flaunting sex in front of boys and girls;

we see them swelling up with food and drink

and driving through the world a speeding minotaur;

we see them seducing and raping innocents;

and even killing divorcees

who flee their egoistic jealousy.

But they may get away with crimes

against morality and law

because they stand on pedestals

erected by the hands of mindless fans

who would construct towers of monumental stone

projecting demigods of popularity into the firmament

to challenge constellations

and rival deities of faiths around the world.

Fanatics hew the stone with heads

petrified to rock from lifetimes sitting in the sun

and being blasted by the withering wind of oral gas

to form a hammerhead harder than zirconium.

With tools like this

we make colossi greater than any prior model man.

Quite naturally we would emulate these gods of gush

for heroes are created to lead the way to happiness.

And ours have everything one could want

to make a more than satisfactory life.

Thus, we do as they are doing,

righteousness aside:

the singer of corruption claims a following

more widespread than that of Christ

so we break the faith in God;

the warrior of tyranny demands and gets

a leadership reserved for enlightened chiefs of state--

we crown him king;

the actor of romance lives in promiscuity--

we fornicate ourselves as though impervious to death;

the ignorant athlete brutalizes people--

we carry weapons to threaten other lives.

Thank God we have our heroes to show us to behave

at home and work and play.

With such exemplars of the best in human dignity

we will develop into master animals of the Earth--

arbiters of right and wrong

rulers of the world

populace unlimited

terrors of the universe.

So cheer the famous star

who scintillates the darkness of our minds.

No twinkles of the common good will do;

we must be blinded by the razzle-dazzle flash of feats

we most admire

as basic to our need for fundamental joy,

the pleasures of the gut we most desire

to verify our lives:

pounding rhythms hammering messages of hate and lust,

hermaphroditic figureheads of fantasy refracting images of us,

and gladiators of the games of war

who see logos as only obstacles to power.

With heroes such as these

we do not need our eyes to see

or minds to know the truth.

So blinded by the light of glory

given to these vicars of our mundane dreams

we need not look beyond the daily news

where flames from overheated praise

flare up to cauterize our brains

and stop the futile flow of elegant ideals.

Such ichor only poisons simple minds

and feeds the evolutionary turbulence

that struggles out of mediocrity to make another kind.

Hail the heroes of our times

for they will show the way to keep us in our place.

How nearer to perfection could a species be

than this good and gloried human race?

THE BALLAD OF BUCK WALL

Buck Wall is making billions.

And all of us are passing proud

to see an ordinary citizen of the American crowd

succeed to be that man among men,

that person most enviable of all our kind--

the richest one on Earth.

It could not happen to a nicer guy.

But before eulogizing his holy name

I must digress to praise the fiscal way

that makes it possible for guys like Buck to get it all.

The righteousness of the economic system

that we endearingly call capitalism

is hereby proven once for all to be the best.

No question of the winner of the test

for power proper in the world.

Wealth must not be spread among the commonweal

like manna raining equally on the heads of humankind

nor must it be doled out by the state

as if a privilege from a doting parent.

Money is to be got by the ones

who better play the game.

For life is but a contest among competitors--

nothing more.

And this is proven by natural law

where survivors take what they can get

and reproduce as most fit

regardless of the others

obviously weaker ones

struggling up the hill from base to peak.

Yea, capital is the capitol of human striving.

It is what we should be living for from dawn to dark.

Hooray for the Kingdom of Kapital!

God save the King!

We have a winner in the current race

and we the happy losers honor him as demigod

and emulate his reign.

The rule of economic law is gain for anyone

clever enough to sustain good ideas

lots of maneuvering

and not a little luck.

So Buck is the hero of our time.

Of course ball and screen players receive

our gushing admiration

and glorification as fine specimens of humanity.

Yet Mister Wall

though more mind than brawn or beau

must be the major admiree of our adoring glee.

Look! There he be

attired as if on golfing greens

strolling through shining halls of plutocracy.

There he goes

bestowing wisdom by machines

that echo genius through cyberspace.

No mind of sage or saint

or signer of the sciences and arts

has ever reached the pinnacle of greatness

crested by this man of boyish poker face.

No Christ or Da Vinci soul has ever burned as brightly

as this young master of the world.

Our backs are curled in abject adulation

while we honor this human giant at his greening best.

And the hope of our society dwells with him

in his castled manse of modern opulence.

Young Buck shall be our respite from doom and gloom

for now we know where lies the trick to happiness.

No longer should we waste our time

squirreling round to gather random nuts

to keep our homes and feed our families.

No longer should we beg for handouts from figureheads.

Now we know where the fund of civilization resides.

It is being collected for safekeeping by anyone

who plays the best hands

of those round the gaming table.

And if he sits behind the biggest pot

while gobbling up the largest piece of pie

we should not begrudge his due dessert.

He worked hard to win those just rewards.

The treats of hits and bytes are bagged as software

only through long hours of click and clack

plus tricks of blue ink on contracts played for keeps

and not least by jumping at the ring-toss first.

If others in the game of slice and dice

prefer to produce simple products in recluse

than deal in bloody stakes on high,

the one with zeal should reap the crop of crimson cash.

So let him keep his stash for everyone to ogle.

Let him pile the pot higher for another round of stud.

The stakes of industry are stacked around the table.

The seats of politics are filled with taut buttocks.

The halls of academe are resonantly quiet.

So let us all attend the high rollers of capital

and watch Buck Wall win another hand.

We wait in dumb respect

until he gains again

and then we cheer in awestruck praise

our hero of the multiplying numerals.

But should the worst for him occur

and he miscalculate

and miss an opportunity to advance his score

then lose a pot of gold to some upstart foe

with a new program of unknown ware,

we will falter not in our esteem of Buck.

Though the best man wins the rounds of storm and drain

with cerebral strokes upon a figured board

we honor him among statues in our memories

of rich and famous men

who made this country great

made us what we are today:

Vanderbilt, Carnegie, Rockefeller, Ford, and Gates.

Those great heroes have shown us the golden way.

And when the next magnate of mullah

struts upon the scene of our disarmed resources

and sucks the capital into his supercharged vacuum

for all the world to marvel and witness

we will shift our bowing heads to this new demigod

and smartly turn away from old Buck Wall

left peering through a window of his checkered tower

at us his former flock

all heading for the latest Count of Worth.

But we will not forget our boyish Buck

who showed us where true value dwells.

He will always remain in our hearts

as one of those we all would most like to be

for money is our meaning

and moneyed men our idolatry.

VULGARIA

O, I'm proud to be a Vulgarian

from the promised land of Vulgaria

right in the middle of the map.

The lingo I speak is Vulgar

the biggest and best in the world

and it's easy for anyone to learn:

the grammar ain't never incorrect

the vocabulary be simple and common

and the accent it's always 4/4.

With a grunt and a curse

a sports metaphor

war simile

and a spit to end-stop a line

we can say what we mean

and be as mean as we need to be

when we says it.

Our nation was made on Vulgarity

after much fightin' with stylish form

till now we all can boast proud:

Vulgarity is the unwritten law of our land.

You see, the rule is the right of anyone with might

to make a movement endure

or a popular leadership last.

And anyone what speaks with too big a brain

for corny old-fangled ideas

like duty, wisdom, or truth

they be trampled into the dirt.

O, we're proud of our country Vulgaria

as any ordinary people would be

and we'd die to keep it same as it is

and save its national worth.

With drugs in our stores

fat on our bones

plus plenty of thing for to buy

we set the standard for people on Earth

who envies our level of life.

And no one needs be afeared of the terrors of hell

who ignores the uncommon way

cause wisdom is useless for human success

and yields not a profit in coin.

Besides, our democracy harbors the masses

like flotsam in a pond

and nurses our majority

as our precious Vulgarity

to rule in the right

no mater how wrong.

So sit down with me in Vulgaria

my misguided one of a kind.

Pop open a popular brew

stare at some sport on TV

and wait for our place in the sky.

We are the chosen bunch

sure as we're born

for as God loves kids, idiots, and fools

we must be destined for heaven.

###

Surviving early life in Los Angeles, Jack Forge has been creating art since childhood. After college, he taught English for many years. His poems, stories, graphic art, and novels have been published on the internet; one novel as a paperback. Despite the storm and stress of the world, Jack lives for art, nature, and love.

Cover by Jack Forge.

Sample Jack's other writing and connect with him at Smashwords.

