 
# First Instinct

### A Northstar Novel

## Suzie O'Connell

Copyright © 2014 by Suzie O'Connell

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

# Books by Suzie O'Connell

### NORTHSTAR

First Instinct

Mountain Angel

Summer Angel

Twice Shy

Once Burned

Mistletoe Kisses

Starlight Magic

Wild Angel

Forgotten Angel

Last Surrender

### TWO-LANE WYOMING

The Road to Garrett

### SEA GLASS COVE

_(Written as Maren Ferguson)_

The Abalone Shell

The Driftwood Promise
_To the fans who asked for Nick and Beth's story, this one's for you._

# A Note from the Author

Howdy! Suzie here. I have just a quick note on this book to get out of the way before you dive into Nick and Beth's story—a bit of a trigger warning.

_First Instinct_ 's story revolves around a date rape. While I have tried to handle the matter as tactfully as the subject matter can be handled, there are a few scenes that may still be too difficult for some readers, particularly those readers who have survived sexual assault. If you think you might fall into this category of reader, when you get to the scene break after the first scene of Chapter 2 (denoted by * * *), skip ahead to the beginning of Chapter 4.

Too often, real-life does not offer justice for the victims and fair punishment for the perpetrators in cases of rape and sexual assault, but rest assured, this story does see our heroine Beth get her happy ending.

### Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Epilogue

Sneak Peek of "Mountain Angel"

About the Author

# One

"Do we have to talk about this _right_ now?"

Nick turned his key and unlocked the door of his dorm room, pushing the door open with his foot. He stepped through it into a short hallway. On the right was his living room, straight ahead was his bedroom, and to his left was his favorite feature of the suite, a full bathroom.

Beth followed him inside without invitation, undeterred when he stripped out of his grimy T-shirt and reached around her to toss it into the laundry hamper in the bathroom.

"What's wrong with now?" she asked.

"I just got out of football practice. I'm tired and sweaty, and all I want right now is a long, hot shower."

"I'm beginning to think you're avoiding me."

She waited in the hallway, leaning against the wall and watching him, while he walked into his bedroom to pick out clean clothes for his dinner date with Michelle. She wasn't going to let him out of this conversation this time.

He selected a pair of his newer blue jeans, a crisp white T-shirt, and one of his nicer blue-and-white plaid button-up shirts because, as soon as he was clean, he was taking Michelle out to dinner at the Whiskey Creek Grill. He set his clothes on top of his dresser and brushed past Beth on his way into the living room. Sitting on the couch, he pulled off his shoes and socks, and finally replied, "I'm not avoiding _you_ at all."

She sat on the arm of the couch beside him. "Then you're avoiding Trey. Why?"

"Because playing on the same team with him means I already spend more time with him than I want to."

"You two have played football and wrestled on the same teams for going on eight years now, and you used to be friends. I think you can manage a couple extra hours with him."

_'Used to be' being the key words._ He didn't say it. "I'm sorry. He's your boyfriend, and I shouldn't be putting you in the middle."

"You're not, but all I'm asking for is one double date so I can actually get to know Michelle. Come on, Nick. You've been dating her for almost five months, and the longest conversation I've had with her lasted less than a minute. I want to make sure she's good enough for you."

"I wouldn't still be going out with her if she wasn't."

"You don't get to decide whether a girl is worthy of you. That's your best friend's job— _my_ job. Besides, she's a big part of your life, and anything or anyone who is that important to you is important to me, too."

_Nope. There's no getting out of it this time._ Nick sat back and rested his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes. "Have you even asked Trey about this?"

"He said whenever was fine with him."

Sighing, he tilted his face fully toward her and immediately wished he hadn't. With shimmering blonde hair that fell nearly to her waist, the sweetly beautiful face of the girl next door, a petite build, and those wide, hopeful blue eyes, Beth Carlyle exuded an innate innocence. However, he knew well that her outwardly guileless demeanor masked a stubborn strength. She wouldn't have been able to hold her ground against Trey's charismatic persistence for nearly a year now without it, and Nick had laughed quietly to himself on numerous occasions as he'd watched her remind her boyfriend where her boundaries were. Everything about her made her impossible to resist, and he knew he wasn't going to have any more luck saying no to her now than he'd had at any other point in their lifelong friendship.

" _Though she is but little, she is fierce_ ," he quoted under his breath. More loudly, he added, "I almost feel sorry for the man you marry because he's not going to stand a chance of telling you no."

"Does that mean you'll do it?" she asked brightly.

"No, that means I'll ask Michelle about it again. I was planning to take her out for dinner tonight at the Whiskey Creek Grill, so she should be here any time."

"How about tonight, then? You're already going out, and Trey and I were planning to do the same...."

"That wasn't a yes, Beth."

"It wasn't a no, either."

"I will talk to her about it as soon as she gets here," he said slowly, letting each word sink in. "Will that suffice for now?"

"Talk to me about what?"

Nick glanced over his shoulder to see his girlfriend striding through his open front door, and his shoulders drooped in defeat. She flashed a smile at Beth as she leaned in the doorway of the living room with her brows raised in inquiry. With Beth still here, there was no chance he would be able to talk to Michelle privately or ask her if he could use her as an excuse to get out of a double date. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he winced. It bothered him that he was shunning time with his best friend because he disliked her boyfriend.

"I was hoping you and Nick would join Trey and me for dinner tonight."

Michelle glanced at him and shrugged. "We're going out, anyhow. Why not?"

Beth turned a grin on Nick. "I should have gone straight to the brains of the operation to begin with."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, there you go. What time and where?"

"The Whiskey Creek Grill is good. Is six-thirty too soon?"

"That only gives me forty-five minutes to get showered and dressed, but that's fine."

"I'm sure you'll still be ready before Trey," Beth quipped. "See you in a bit."

"Yep."

With his elbows braced on his knees, Nick scrubbed his hands through his hair, then gazed up at Michelle. Physically, she was nearly Beth's opposite with dark, chin-length hair, green eyes, and a long-limbed, athletic body, but she possessed many of his best friend's finer qualities, such as a keen intelligence, a selfless loyalty, and a subtle confidence he found enticing. His hesitation to join Beth and Trey on a double date had absolutely nothing to do with concern that Beth would not approve of Michelle. In fact, he was certain they'd get along quite well. It was all Trey. He scowled, trying to pinpoint exactly when he and his teammate had treaded far enough along their separate paths that they could no longer see eye to eye. It had worsened significantly after Trey's twenty-first birthday back in May, but Nick knew the separation had begun much earlier.

Shaking his head, he pushed to his feet, gave Michelle a quick peck on the lips, and ducked into his bathroom. "I'll be quick."

"Take your time," she replied distractedly, studying the pictures on his wall.

He leaned out of the bathroom and sniffed fondly when he saw what image had captured her attention. It was the one in the center of his collage, and the gentle smile that curved her lips was as dear to him as the memory captured by the photograph.

"This is you and Beth on top of the haystack, isn't it?" Michelle asked without taking her eyes off it. "How old were you?"

"We were eight, and that was our first time helping stack hay. It's a bit of a right of passage in Northstar to help on a hay crew." His lips curved. "We worked our butts off and loved every minute of it."

"I can see that. I know ranch life is a lot of work, but it seems like a great life to have."

"I've never wanted anything else."

"After spending a little time out on your ranch this summer, I can certainly see why." She turned to him, and her wistful smile turned into one of amusement as she wrinkled her nose. "Go take your shower... because you stink."

"Yeah, I know."

Laughing, he closed the door and turned on the shower. The hot water did a lot to wash away his concerns along with the grime, and for several minutes after he was clean, he stood with his hands braced against the shower wall and let the water pour over him. Hearing the bathroom door open, he lifted his head and watched Michelle's silhouette through the frosted plastic shower curtain. She leaned against the sink with her face turned toward him, and while he couldn't make out the features of her face, he sensed her frowning. She said nothing until he turned the water off, and when he peered around the curtain, she held a towel out for him. He wrapped it securely around his waist before stepping out of the shower.

"I get the feeling you don't want to go out with Beth and Trey tonight," she finally remarked. "If it's that big a pain, wouldn't it be better to just get it over with?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Why? Are you afraid Beth won't like me?"

"Absolutely not. I know she'll love you."

"Then why have you put it off for three months? Because the first time she asked was back at the end of May. _I_ couldn't do it then because I was so busy with work and my May interim classes, but _you_ have been avoiding it ever since. And that's not like you."

"No, it's not," he agreed. "And believe me, it doesn't feel real great that I'm doing this to Beth."

"What's the problem?"

Nick eyed Michelle, wondering if he could accurately express the troubling sense of loss that had begun to fester over the past few months. "We've been best friends all our lives, and I never thought much about how that might change as we grew up, started dating, and started our own families. I've always assumed, I guess, that it _wouldn't_ ever change. But lately... I have this nagging worry that we're beginning to slip apart."

"When you say it like that, it seems to me that a double date would be a good thing, not something to be avoided."

"It's not us—not Beth and me. It's her boyfriend."

"Trey Holt? Maybe he's a little arrogant, but otherwise, he seems like a decent guy. Besides, he's a friend of yours, right? So he can't be _that_ bad."

"Yeah.... Not much of a friend anymore."

Nick shrugged, hoping she'd get the message and let the matter drop. The last thing he wanted to do was go into a long explanation about Trey, especially since it looked like he'd be spending most of the evening with him. As if she sensed his distress, Michelle pinned him against the wall when he tried to walk past her and threaded herself around him. The way she kissed him drove his worries from his mind, leaving room for little else but a thought that, right then, he really wished he'd pushed dinner back a while.

"Rain check?" he asked, thinking she was far too sexy in that fitted black dress.

"What?"

Her breathless response made him smile, so he dove after her neck, and she let out a squeal that quickly tumbled into laughter.

"I don't have time to properly indulge you," he reminded her. "We have less than thirty minutes now until we're supposed to head out."

"I guess you're right. Hey, can I ask a favor?"

"Sure."

"I know you have that paper to write, but after dinner, can we all go down to the Club Bar? They have a live band playing tonight, and I'd really like to go dancing, even if we only go for a little bit."

"Anything you want, sweetie. But can I get dressed now? Unless you _want_ me to strut into the Whiskey Creek Grill in just my towel."

Laughing again, she stepped back and gave him a playful shove as he headed into his room. "I never knew you were such an exhibitionist."

"This from the girl who persuaded me into bed that first time by answering her door naked when I came over to study for an exam."

"What can I say? You have a very sexy body, and I wanted you." She leaned against his back and slipped her hands around his ribs, sliding them in a most distracting, tantalizing way down his stomach and tortuously southward. "Every... single... inch... of you."

"Knock that off," Nick muttered. He pulled her hands away even as goose bumps rose over his skin. "Or we'll be late."

"I'm all right with that."

"Sure you are. Right until Beth and Trey walk up here to find out what's taking us so long."

"Mmm. You have a point. And while it's tempting to let you go out in your towel, I'd rather not spend my evening beating the other girls off you."

"You do know that my ego is just fine and doesn't need a boost, right?"

"I do. But I like making you blush because you're so damned cute when you do."

"So much for stroking my ego," he murmured fondly.

"Yeah, but like you said, you don't need it. Get dressed before I decide I don't care if your friend and her boyfriend walk in on us."

"Yes, ma'am."

Beth changed out of her faded blue jeans and V-neck T-shirt into her favorite turquoise sundress, and headed across campus to make sure Trey was dressed and getting ready before she finished her own preparations. She trotted over the smooth, sun-warmed concrete path from Mathews Hall to the JDC dorm complex and didn't slow to a walk until she was halfway up the ramp to the main floor of the central Davis Hall, which housed the Student Life Office and mailboxes for all five of the small university's residence halls. She smiled at Rob Harris, the Dean of Students, as she stepped through the door he held open for her.

"Thanks, Rob," she greeted. "What're you doing here this late?"

"Catching up on some paperwork while my girls are shopping in Butte. How about you? Any fun plans tonight?"

"Yes, actually. I finally convinced Nick to give me the opportunity to get to know his girlfriend."

"About time. Have fun, but go easy on Michelle."

Beth grinned. "I'll try, but I'm not going to make any promises. You have a good night, too."

She bounded up the staircase directly to the right of the main doors to the second floor. Trey's hall, Jordan, was connected to Davis at an obtuse angle and opened directly across from the top of the stairs. Its doors were propped open, and through them, Beth spotted Trey just leaving the communal bathroom with a towel around his waist and his shower caddy in hand. He didn't see her, and she didn't call his name. She'd wait until he was dressed before she knocked on his door and save herself the embarrassment of his nudity and him the aggravation over her lack of interest in what he had to offer.

While she waited, she studied the cinderblock walls with their canvas-colored paint that was a few shades too dark to be paired with the dark blue, commercial carpet. Other than the trim around the doors—navy blue for Jordan, burgundy for Davis, and hunter green for Centennial—the three halls that comprised the JDC complex differed very little from each other, and Beth had found herself disoriented more than once. She was glad she lived in Mathews Hall. With its white plaster walls, tan carpeting, and turn-of-the-century high ceilings, it was much brighter and more open and didn't remind her of a prison. It was a charming building with unique characteristics that further aided her sense of being part of something old and lasting.

Almost a quarter of an hour passed before Beth decided it was safe to announce her presence to her boyfriend. It probably wouldn't be enough, but time was ticking away. "It's Beth," she called half a second after she knocked.

"It's open, babe. Come on in."

Cautiously, she turned the scuffed brass doorknob and pushed the door open. With amusement, she marveled at how different Trey's room was from Nick's... and how both fit their residents perfectly. Nick's dorm was subtly masculine with artifacts and knickknacks from his family's ranch and photos of his family and friends that exemplified his loyalty and easygoing nature. Trey's room was unapologetically masculine with bold colors, posters of his favorite actresses and sports teams, and his various sports trophies strewn about with an almost in-your-face lack of coordination that suited him perfectly.

Stepping a little further into the room, she was unsurprised to find Trey dressed only in his boxers and admiring his reflection in the full-length mirror on his closet door. With perpetually tousled brown hair, confident brown eyes, and an angular face, Trey Holt was blatantly handsome. Factor in his sculpted, muscular physique and the work he put in to keep it that way, and it was no wonder half the girls on campus fawned over him.

"Yes, you're gorgeous," she remarked. "Hurry up and get dressed."

"What's the rush?" he inquired without looking away from the mirror.

"For one... we agreed on six-thirty for dinner. Remember?"

"Yeah, I guess I remember that, but it's not like we're on a tight schedule. If we're late, we're late."

"Actually, we _are_ on a schedule. We're meeting Nick and Michelle at the Whiskey Creek Grill."

Finally, he swiveled around to face her. At first, his expression was one of mild annoyance, but it vanished quickly, and he affected an air of nonchalance before he turned back to the mirror to comb his fingers through his still-dripping hair. "Tonight? That's short notice."

"I told you this morning I was going to ask him again, and you told me _any_ night would be fine."

"Yeah, but I was hoping for a little more warning."

"I'm sorry, but I had the opportunity, so I took it."

Trey at last left the mirror and walked over to his closet and pulled out a plain, form-fitting black T-shirt. Then he dragged a pair of crisp blue jeans out of his dresser and tossed them and the shirt on the back of his desk chair. "I'm shocked Nick agreed. He's kinda turned into a stick-in-the-mud."

Beth disagreed, but she said nothing to that effect because, really, what could she say? She didn't know why Nick had become averse to Trey's company. "Given the choice, I think he would have turned me down again, but Michelle was there, and she said yes."

"Did you do something to piss Nick off?"

"No. Why?"

"Just seems like he doesn't ever want to hang out with you anymore."

She wasn't about to divulge the details of her conversation with her best friend, so she shrugged, "He has a pretty serious girlfriend now. I can hardly blame him for wanting to spend his time with her. But he agreed to go out with us tonight, so get dressed."

"We've still got plenty of time,"

Trey sidled over to her and lowered his head to give her a kiss. When she pressed a finger to his lips, stopping him, his brows dipped briefly in irritation.

"Yeah, right. I know you, Trey."

"Oh, come on, babe. I'm not that bad."

"Uh, yes, you are." She touched her lips to his, and when she pulled back, the annoyance had been replaced by a roguish lopsided smile. "But I love you, anyhow."

"Mmm. Good. Because I love you, too."

He angled his hips toward her and clasped her face as he kissed her more deeply. Beth leaned into him, giving in for a moment to appreciate the firm warmth of his body. She ran her hands back through his hair and flicked water from her fingers before folding her arms around his neck with a sigh. He skimmed his fingers over the side of her breast so lightly that she might have mistaken it for an accidental graze had he not tried the same a dozen times before. She leaned away, but he quickly knitted his hands together behind her back, preventing her escape.

"Trey," she murmured.

"I'm not doing anything but touching you, Beth. You have such a beautiful body, baby, and it drives me crazy."

"You know how I feel."

"Touching is not the same as sex."

"Not necessarily, but I'm not a tease, and I don't want you trying to take a mile if I give you an inch."

"You may not be a tease in _that_ sense," Trey said slowly, trailing kisses from her mouth back to her ear and down her neck, "but you are so very, very tempting."

"That is exactly my point."

"Don't you trust me to stop?"

"It's not a matter of trust. It's a matter of playing with fire. Do it long enough, and you're bound to get burned."

"You make sex sound like some horrible thing that will ruin you. I promise you it won't." He tightened his arms around her and lowered his head again to nuzzle her neck, and even though she was exasperated by his stubbornness, she couldn't deny that she enjoyed the tingles that coursed through her. "On second thought... maybe it _will_ ruin you because once you've—"

"Trey. Enough." She ducked out of his grasp, tugged on the hem of her dress to pull the wrinkles out of it, and sat on the edge of his bed. "I know I'm asking a lot of you to wait, and if you decide you can't do it any longer, I know where the door is."

Trey tilted his head and frowned as he sat beside her. "Don't be like that, babe. I love you. I'm sorry I've made you uncomfortable, but it's a little frustrating that I can't even touch you how I want to. And believe me, I _really_ want to."

"I know it's not much consolation, but I truly appreciate your restraint. I know it's not easy."

"No, it isn't."

_Talk about beating a dead horse_. She stood again, leaned down to kiss his cheek, and said, "Meet me at my room in twenty. I still have to put my hair up, and I might even put on a little makeup."

He nodded, and she kissed him on the lips before leaving. Closing the door quietly behind her, she let out a sigh of relief. Lately, he'd been trying more often and more relentlessly to push her limits.

As she strode back to her dorm beneath the massive white poplars gilded by the evening sun, she pondered her upcoming anniversary.

In a couple more weeks, she and Trey would be celebrating one full year together, making the longest relationship either had been in, and she thought back over the course of their relationship. Was he really getting more aggressive, or was she imagining it because she was becoming wearied by it? She couldn't answer that, but Nick's attitude toward Trey had most definitely changed, and she wondered if his relationship with Michelle had impacted his patience for Trey with no idea how or why it would.

Truthfully, she felt like she was being unfair to Trey for even thinking like this. Aside from his sexual frustration, which she could hardly blame him for even though it unsettled her, he was generally a charming and lovable companion. Needing her space as she did, she liked that he didn't try to smother her and that he actually seemed to admire her independence. As she listed out his positive attributes to herself, she began to understand that she was trying to convince herself that he was still the man she wanted to be with. Try as she might to deny it or ignore it, there was a niggling sense of _something_ out of place. She kept coming back to the same question over and over. _Why doesn't Nick like Trey anymore?_

Her thoughts carried her all the way to her room, and before she became consciously aware of what she was doing, she was standing in front of the sink with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and her makeup done, staring bewilderedly at her reflection. After all that thinking, she had no answer and supposed the only way she was going to find it was to ask Nick straight out.

A knock on her door announced Trey's arrival, and she opened it for him. He hesitated, waiting for her to invite him in. Then, as if he couldn't help himself, he hugged her.

"I was an ass to you," he whispered. "I'm just frustrated and...."

"Horny?"

He laughed. "Yeah. I wish there was something I could to do convince you how good it would feel."

"That's what you don't get, Trey. To me, sex means so much more than physical pleasure; it's a soul-deep connection, and the only man I want to share something that personal with is the man I marry."

"You're right. I don't understand you, but I understand that it's important to you, so I'll try to be better about keeping my hands to myself."

"Thank you." She tucked her arms around him and rested her head against his chest. "But you don't have to keep your hands _entirely_ to yourself. Just... please remember where my boundaries are."

"So, you forgive me?"

Smiling, she said, "I can't forgive you because I wasn't mad at you."

# Two

Nick knitted his hands behind his head and tilted his face toward the sky. The late August evening was balmy, but already the air was starting to lose the ability to hold the sun's heat as the days dwindled toward autumn. Closing his eyes, he listened to the chatter of his companions and the other diners who, like his group, were out on the back patio of the Whiskey Creek Grill to soak up a little more summer before the weather started turning colder.

"See? Wasn't this a good idea?" Beth asked.

He opened an eye to meet her gaze, then closed it again and smiled. "Yeah, it was. It's a perfect evening."

He stretched his legs out in front of him, crossing his ankles, and nudged someone's foot under the table.

"Hey, watch where you're sticking those long legs of yours, Nick," Trey said laughingly and gave him a kick.

"I have a better idea. Keep your big clodhoppers on your side of the table," Nick said but pulled his legs back.

Leave it to Trey to ruin his moment of bliss. Sitting up straighter, he draped an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. Michelle snuggled into his side and tilted her face up, so he tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her lightly. Thus far, she had held up beautifully against Beth's rapid-fire questioning and was actually a little smug having gained the approval of his oldest friend.

The waitress brought the checks and cleared away their dishes. Nick took out his wallet and pulled out thirty dollars to cover his and Michelle's meal.

"Isn't it your turn to get dinner?" Trey asked Beth.

"No, I paid last time."

"I didn't bring enough cash, babe, because I thought it was your turn."

"I got it," Nick said. He glanced at Trey as he pulled the requisite cash out of his wallet and frowned. With only a glimmer of humor in his voice, he said, "Next time we all go out together, you're paying, Trey."

"So... Nick and I thought it would be fun to head down to the Club Bar for a little dancing since they have a live band tonight," Michelle said, abruptly and—Nick guessed—intentionally changing the subject. "Join us?"

"I don't know about dancing, but I wouldn't mind heading that way for a drink or two and maybe some pool," Trey replied. "You up to having your ass kicked again, Nick?"

"No thanks." He forced a smile. "I wasn't up for it last time."

He pushed to his feet and headed inside to pay. The others followed close behind, and after he'd paid, Beth leaned in and said, "I could have paid for Trey and me."

"I know. That isn't the point."

He didn't give her an opportunity to say anything more on the matter. Taking Michelle's hand, he led her outside, holding the door for her and Beth and barely resisting the urge to let it slam in Trey's face. If the other man hadn't been holding Beth's hand, Nick might just have done it. Instead, he shifted his attention westward. The sun, riding close to the sagebrush hills on the edge of town, bathed the storefronts lining the east side of Montana Street with rich golden light. Insects and dust hovered in the still air, almost suspended and limned by that incredible light. Golden hour indeed. It was a stunning night, and one he wished he was enjoying on his family's sprawling ranch in the Northstar Valley instead of pretending he was still friends with Trey.

"I definitely understand now why you and Beth have been such good friends for so long," Michelle remarked. "You're two peas in a pod."

He stopped on the sidewalk and pulled her against him to kiss her. After, she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow, and they started walking again. "That was fun. I wish now we had gotten together with her a lot sooner. I know you all were busy on your ranches most of the time you and I have been going out, but come on. We were all within sixty miles of Devyn all summer. We could have done it. Or do you really dislike Trey _that_ much?"

"I'm really starting to dislike him that much," Nick replied honestly after a moment's hesitation.

"You seemed to get along with him all right."

"I can still tolerate him when I have to." Nick glanced over his shoulder. "We were never great friends, but we were a lot closer back in high school than we are now."

"What changed?"

"He started turning into a selfish ass. I mean, he's always been a little arrogant, but he wasn't as bad as he is now. And he likes to party a lot, which isn't my style."

"I don't get what Beth sees in him or how she puts up with that from him. She seems so sweet and...."

"Innocent?"

Michelle laughed. "Yeah."

"Don't let that fool you. She's one of the most stubborn people I know, and she has no trouble keeping him in check." Frowning, he added, "Or she used to. I get the feeling that's changing, too."

They had reached the Club Bar, so the conversation ended for the time being. The door was open to let in the balmy evening air, and Nick stepped aside so Michelle and Beth could enter first and, deciding to take the high road and be gracious, he even waited for Trey to walk inside before he followed his companions. Just inside, a hulk of a man checked their IDs and told them to have a good time.

The bar stood to the left, four pool tables dominated the center of the room, a few tables with chairs were pushed up against the front and rear walls, and a dozen poker and keno machines lined the right wall beside a twelve-foot doorway that opened into the bar's dance and party room. A raised stage with a booth to one side commanded attention from the left wall, but the room was otherwise open.

They made their way through the crowd—mostly other college students—and after his eyes adjusted to the dim interior, Nick spotted his twin brothers at the bar. He excused himself from his companions. Aaron and Henry might be just two years younger and in college themselves, but that didn't mean his duty to keep them out of trouble had ended. If anything, they were even worse away from the ranch. Just a week ago when the dorms had been opened for students to move in, he'd dragged them out of a fight in this very bar right before the cops showed up. They hadn't started it, but they'd been hell bent on finishing it.

"What are you two doing here?" he asked. He glanced at their wrists to make sure they hadn't removed the wristbands that marked them as under age. The bartenders wouldn't serve them, but that didn't mean they wouldn't try to con someone into buying them drinks.

The older, Aaron, grinned. "Hey, big brother."

"So, you gonna buy us a beer now that you're twenty-one and all legal?" Henry asked.

"No, I'm not."

"Oh, come on, Nick," Henry said. "Mom and Dad let us have a beer or two at home once in a while."

"Yeah, on the ranch where you aren't going to get into any trouble." He settled a hand on each brother's shoulder and squeezed. "You get caught drinking in town, you're in deep shit. So I'd better not hear anything about you getting someone else to buy you drinks."

"Party pooper," Henry muttered.

"Yep. Michelle, can I buy _you_ a drink?"

"Sure. I'd love a fuzzy navel."

Nick flagged down one of the three bartenders, ordered Michelle's drink and a Coke each for him and Beth. Trey could buy his own drinks or get someone else to buy them for him. Glancing toward the pool tables, he saw that Trey already had a beer, anyhow, and was currently engaged in what appeared to be a heated conversation with the guy Beth had dated before Trey while they waited for the players at the table closest to the door into the dance room to finish their game.

Nick shook his head. Swiveling around on his bar stool with his back to the bar and his free arm propped on it, he forced his attention elsewhere. For a few minutes, he watched the crowd of dancers in the other room. A dance or two with Michelle—and maybe one with Beth since Trey didn't dance—sounded like fun, but he had a paper due on Friday that needed some serious attention, so he didn't want to stay out late tonight.

Before he could ask Michelle to dance, three of her friends walked in and immediately engaged her. Since she was still nursing her drink, Nick asked if it would be all right with her if he danced with Beth while she chatted.

"Sure. Have some fun," she replied.

Beth gleefully accepted his invitation, and he pulled her onto the dance floor. She stepped into his arms with masterful poise and moved effortlessly with him to the mid-tempo song. Though he had scorned his mother's insistence that he learn how to dance properly when he was younger, he was glad for it now because it was an activity he quite enjoyed.

"So, now that you've spent a little time with Michelle... what do you think of her?" he asked.

"I like her. A lot. She's almost as mellow as you are, and I think she's a good match for you. You're much more relaxed with her than you were with your last girlfriend."

"She's easy to be with, and she lets me be me."

"Josie _was_ a bit of a control freak," Beth remarked. "And you, being the sweet guy you are, were too nice to tell her off."

Nick laughed. "Michelle has passed the Beth Test, then?"

"Mmm-hmm. I just hope she enjoys dancing as much as I do. Because you truly are a gifted dancer, Nick."

"She does."

"Went out dancing a few times this summer, did you?"

"You bet. Had a great time, too."

Beth smiled up at him. "She seems like a really great girl. But didn't I already say that?"

"You did. Hey, shall we ask the band for something a little more upbeat?"

"I wonder if they play anything we could swing to."

With his fingers still loosely twined with Beth's, Nick made his way through the thinning crowd of dancers to the stage and made his request to the band.

The lead singer grinned. "I'm pretty sure we can help you out with that." Into his microphone, he said, "All right, folks. We're going to pick up the pace a bit with one of our own songs."

The drummer started with a rousing beat and was soon joined by a trumpet. Nick deftly spun Beth, and the skirt of her flirty turquoise sundress flared as she twirled. The other dancers moved back to give them room, watching for a while before hesitantly joining in. Beth smiled brightly as they danced, and occasionally her rich laughter added to the music. She'd been his dance partner on too many occasions for Nick to accurately count, and it showed. They moved seamlessly together, knowing almost instinctively the other's move before it was made.

Nick was disappointed when the song ended, but applause greeted him when he finished the dance by spinning Beth to him so her back was pressed against his chest. Smiling, he nodded in acknowledgement and thanked the band.

"Are you up for another one?" the lead singer asked. "It's nice to see a couple who actually knows how to appreciate a little swing, and we don't often get to play our music."

"I imagine his girlfriend would like a dance with him," Beth remarked, waving Michelle over. "Unless she doesn't like swing."

"She does, but it's still pretty new to her. Hey, sweetie, are you up for getting a little dizzy?"

"Sure," Michelle replied.

"Thanks for the dance, Beth," Nick said as he changed partners.

"You're welcome. It was fun, as always."

Beth headed back to the bar, and Nick watched as she draped her arm around Trey's waist, frowning when her boyfriend impatiently waved her away. Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to Michelle, who glanced between Nick and the other couple with a quizzical frown.

"What?" he asked.

"Have you and Beth ever dated?"

"No. Why?"

"You just seem very in tune with each other. More so than just friends. Watching the two of you dance... that was incredible."

"We've danced together a _lot_ —Guinea pigs for my parents when my mother decided it would be fun to teach dance as a hobby. If you think Beth and I dance well together, you should watch my parents sometime. They're incredible."

"I bet. I guess that would explain how you two are able to move like you do." Michelle tilted her head and smiled as she slipped her hands nervously into his. "I'm a little jealous, though. I'd love to dance like that."

"Give it time and a little more practice and you will. And I'm sure Mom would _love_ to give you some lessons."

The band took up another fast-paced swing-inspired song, and he started her out with simpler steps, reminding her to relax and trust him. They were soon twisting away, though without the same effortlessness with which he and Beth danced. Still, she was a fast learner, and by the end of the song, she was laughing breathlessly.

They danced for almost an hour, and the band was happy to play their own music for them. Twice Michelle asked for a break, and while she sat at the bar to catch her breath and chat with her friends, Nick danced with Beth. Finally—and a little unwillingly—he admitted that he needed to call it a night. As the song ended, Nick folded Michelle in his arms and hugged her, beaming. Despite his misgivings about going out with Beth and Trey tonight, he'd thoroughly enjoyed himself.

"We really need to come down here more often when these guys are playing," Michelle said, grinning. "That is so much fun."

"Isn't it? Swing is my favorite style of dance."

"Obviously. Hey, I know you have homework you need to get to work on, so do you mind if I hang out here with Jen, Kasey, and Grace for a little while longer?"

"I don't mind at all, but please don't walk back to campus alone. Either walk with your friends or call me, and I'll come get you. I know Devyn is a quiet little town, but it _is_ Wednesday."

"I've never understood why Wednesday is drinking night in Devyn."

"I don't know how that came to be, either, but be careful, all right?"

"I promise I won't walk home alone. Jen drove, and she's not drinking, so I'll just catch a ride with her."

"Sounds good. Have fun, call me when you get back to your room, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Or maybe later tonight. I have a rain check."

Frowning, he asked what she meant. When she grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him with a tantalizing urgency, brushing her free hand back through his hair before curling her fingers around his neck, he remembered. "Ah, right. _That_ rain check. Don't worry about it. Have a good time with your friends, and we'll make it up some other time."

"You're incredible, you know that? I don't know too many guys who would let their girlfriends enjoy a night out with their friends when an offer of sex is on the table."

"What can I say? I'm not that selfish."

"If I didn't know how you felt about me, I might think you weren't that serious."

"I'm glad you know it's not a lack of interest... because it isn't."

"I do know," she whispered and kissed him again.

Nick took her hand again and walked back into the bar with her. He was glad to see that his brothers had left and hoped they'd gone back to the dorms. With a nod to Michelle's friends, he bid them goodnight before stepping over to the pool table where Trey was playing yet another game against Beth's ex. Beth sat in the chair beside the nearest keno machine, ignored by her boyfriend and clearly unhappy about it.

"Come on, Trey," she said. "We need to get started on that radio ad for Keller's class."

"It can wait," Trey replied.

"I'm going to call it a night," Nick interrupted. "Thanks for badgering me into this, Beth."

"Yeah, sure. I need to call it a night, too," she said, directing her latter statement to Trey.

"So walk home with Nick," her boyfriend replied. Annoyance tinged his voice as he lined up his shot. "I'm going to finish my game."

"Come on, Beth," Nick said. "I'd rather you didn't walk home alone, either."

"Thanks, Nick. I'm glad _someone_ is looking out for me."

If Trey heard the remark, he showed no sign. Beth hesitated a moment longer before heading toward the door with irritation stiffening her strides.

A few stars twinkled in the deepening twilight, and the street and sidewalks were bathed in the orange glow of the street lamps. Nick hadn't realized they'd been in the bar so long. Crap. It was going to be a late night. Once they were around the corner of the bar and heading east toward campus, he asked Beth if she was okay.

"He completely ignored me," she replied. "This was supposed to be a relaxing night out, and then we were supposed to go home and get started on our project. But, no, he's going to waste time playing pool and talking to my ex like they're the best of friends. What is _that_ all about? They never used to be so chummy."

"I don't know that I'd call it chummy so much as competitive."

"What do you mean?"

"They both looked pretty intent about that game, like they were trying to kill each other in pool. Since you dated Darryl before you started dating Trey, I imagine Trey might feel like he has to prove his dominance."

"I'd ask if all men are such territorial idiots, but you aren't, so I know it's not true."

"Thanks. I think."

She glanced at him and said flatly, "That was a compliment, Nick."

He laughed. "I know it was." More seriously, he asked, "What is Trey's deal these days? And what was with the 'walk home with Nick' command? Since when did he start talking to you like a servant?"

"He's protective," Beth replied with a shrug.

"I doubt that's it. I'm not sure he cares much about anything but himself anymore. Even you."

"Are you saying I should break up with him?"

"I don't know, Beth. I just know that I'm seeing things I don't like. But, out of curiosity, have you been thinking about it?"

Again, she shrugged, but the frown that pinched her brows was a pretty clear indication that all was not perfect between her and Trey anymore.

"He knows my boundaries," she said slowly, "but he's been trying to push them more and more lately."

"If he can't respect your choices... maybe it _is_ time to call it quits." Nick paused to subdue the flare of anger. "If Michelle had wanted to wait, I would have absolutely respected that."

"I thought you said you weren't her first."

"I wasn't, but that's not the point. The point is that I respect her and I respect her choices. And Trey should respect yours. If he won't, he isn't worth your time."

"I'm starting to feel guilty about it," Beth admitted. "I mean, we've been going out for almost a year, and for someone... experienced... like Trey, I imagine that's a long time to go without."

"It doesn't matter how long. With a little discipline and actually caring about someone other than yourself, it's pretty easy to wait, so don't you dare let Trey convince you he _needs_ it." Nick grinned, but there was no humor behind it. "And if he doesn't want to listen... I could always kick his ass for you."

"Oh, come on, Nick. You've never been in a fight in your life—no, roughhousing with your brothers does _not_ count. Besides, Trey's bigger than you."

"Wider, maybe heavier, but that doesn't mean he's stronger. Or faster. You forget we both wrestled in high school and play on opposite sides of the football."

"You seem to have done a lot of thinking about this."

"Not really." He stopped and looked at her as a thought entered his mind. "Should I be complimented that you're more concerned about me than him or insulted that you don't have any faith in me?"

"I...." She took half a step back and stared at him with an expression that said something had just dawned on her. He had a feeling that if he were ever cruel enough to ask her to choose between him and Trey, her boyfriend would lose. Her next words confirmed it. "I have every faith in you."

She fell silent, and neither of them spoke again for almost a block. Finally, she said, "I'm glad we decided to walk. I know it's only eight blocks, but we usually drive, and it's too nice a night to be sitting in a car."

"I wholeheartedly agree," Nick said, glancing skyward. More stars had appeared while they'd been walking, and the indigo bowl above them glittered.

"So, what's it like dating a girl almost as tall as you this time around instead of some shorty like me like you usually date? And how tall is she, anyhow?"

"Five-ten, and I can't say that it's any different." Chuckling, he rested his arm on top of Beth's head. "Well, maybe there are a _few_ differences."

"Ugh. Maybe I _should_ hate her, but I really can't. She's too nice to hate." Beth laughed and shoved his arm away. "Smart aleck."

"Yeah, but really, five-four isn't _that_ short. And you know you love me."

"Always." She shook her head, smiling. "When Vince passed me when he was in middle school.... I still haven't recovered from the shock, and he sees fit to remind me on a regular basis. I can't believe he's already a sophomore in high school."

"In high school? My brothers are sophomores in _college_. You have no room to complain, little missy. Then again, at least they only caught me in height and didn't pass me." Nick sighed. "I know I'm only two years older, but why do I feel like an old fart compared to them?"

"Because you're the big brother, and you've always looked out for them and kept them out of trouble." She wrapped her hands around his upper arm and rested her head against his shoulder for a moment. "Just like you've always looked out for me. Face it, Nick, you're doomed to be the protector."

"Is that your way of telling me to stop whining about it and accept it?"

"Yes, it is."

They walked the last three blocks to campus in companionable silence. When they reached the northwest door of Mathews Hall, Nick unlocked it, reminded yet again that it was getting late and he still had a lot of work to get done before he could sleep. He glanced at the clock above the door. It was already a little after ten, but he walked Beth down the stairs into the basement and all the way to her door.

"How late are you going to be up tonight?" he asked.

"A while. I have that paper for Rodnick's class to finish and the radio ad for Keller's class that Trey and I need to work on."

"Would it be all right if I bring my paper down when I get a little farther on it so we check each other's?"

"That'd be great. When do you want to come down?"

"Oh, it'll probably be almost midnight, if that's okay."

"I'll see you then."

He pulled her door closed and waited until he heard the snick of her lock. Content that she was safe, he headed up the southern staircase to his room on the next floor. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, leaving the door open in case anyone stopped by, turned his radio on with the volume low and pulled his assignment notes and textbooks out before sitting down at his desk with a sigh. "Midnight, here I come."

Michelle called him shortly before eleven to let him know she was home safe in her room, and not long after that, he finished typing his paper. He hit print and waited, cringing when grinding and crunching issued from the machine. "What the...?"

Pulling the beast apart, he discovered the problem—a paper jam to end all paper jams. Bit by bit, he yanked the shreds of paper out and tried again. Another paper jam. Swearing, he cleared it and was about to hit print again when some subliminal cue made him pause. He straightened and listened, his senses heightened by the first trickle of adrenaline.

Over the country song on the college radio station, he heard an indistinguishable sound that made the hair on his neck stand on end. He turned his music off and padded to his door. Unsure of the source or even what he'd heard, he peered down the empty hallway. Everything appeared to be quiet, but instinct urged him forward, so he closed and locked his door, then paused again. He heard it again, louder and clearer this time—a woman screaming. Without thinking, he sprinted toward the sound of her voice with his heart pounding and adrenaline now flooding his veins.

_Beth_.

Beth was nearly finished with her paper for Rodnick's Agriculture and Business class when a knock sounded on her door. She set her work down and walked around her desk to see whom it was, glancing at the clock beside her bed. It wasn't quite eleven, so she doubted it was Nick. She didn't think it'd be Trey, either, because he had been known to stay out until the bars closed, but that's who stood on the other side of the door when she peered through the peephole. She unlocked and opened the door for him. He tucked an arm around her waist and planted a kiss soundly on her lips before locking the door behind himself and heading over to her bed. He flopped on his back with his head pillowed on his hands and his lower legs hanging over the side. A wide smile curved his lips.

"You seem to be in a better mood," she remarked.

"Darryl is such a weasel. What did you ever see in him?"

Beth ignored the comment and glanced at her desk. She was close enough to being done with her paper that she could finish the rest tomorrow, so she dug out her tape recorder, the notes for the Advertising Media radio ad project, and her rough draft of the script and brought them over to the bed. As late is it was, she doubted they'd get much of a start on it tonight, and anyhow, it wasn't due until next Friday, but she wanted to run through her script a few times with him to see where she could improve it. Besides, she didn't know what else to do to occupy what remained of their evening. She hadn't yet had enough time to digest Nick's remarks, and she couldn't shake the feeling that her best friend was slipping away because of Trey—an intolerable possibility.

She studied her boyfriend for a moment. With that smug light in his brown eyes, he wasn't nearly as handsome as she usually thought him. Nick's half-joking offer popped into her head, and she wondered if he was right. He might not be as cut as Trey, who at the same height of six feet outweighed him by a good twenty pounds of solid muscle, but he certainly wasn't a weakling. At a glance, a stranger might be tempted to think Trey was the stronger of the two, but she had seen Nick take him down in wrestling practice with a speed and agility that bested Trey's brute force every time.

_Why am I even thinking like this?_

"You could have stayed out later," she said. She sat beside Trey on her bed and shoved her troubling thoughts from her mind. "I still have to finish my paper, anyhow, and our project can wait a little longer."

"You seemed pretty pissy about it," he replied. "Besides, I made my point."

She started to ask what point he'd made, but he sat up and went after her neck so quickly that she let out a squeal of shock. It soon tumbled into laughter as he playfully attacked her shoulder. Delightful tingles rippled all over her body, and she turned more fully toward him as her worries evaporated. This was the Trey she loved—the silly jokester.

"What do you think of Nick's girlfriend?" Beth asked lightly, hoping a change in the conversation would further dispel her dark musings.

"She's a hottie, but he's always had good taste in women."

"Thank you for not making a big deal about going out with them tonight. I know you didn't really want to."

"I had fun. And Nick wasn't a buzzkill like he usually is anymore." He fingered a strand of hair that had pulled loose from her ponytail for a moment before tucking it behind her ear. "Next time we go out with him and Michelle—that's her name, right?—remind me to bring enough cash to pay for all of us. I honestly thought it was your turn."

"I know you did."

"And I think maybe you should teach me how to dance.... Properly like you and Nick do. Because I know you enjoy it, and I like making you smile." He pressed a kiss to her lips. "You have the most beautiful smile, you know."

"So do you. Well, since you're here, shall we get started? I have the first draft of the script done. Here."

She handed him the copy she'd made for him, and he sighed. Rolling her eyes, she pressed record on the tape recorder and sat up straight. "All right. We're recording. Just read it through this time. I want to check first for flow and rhythm. Ready?"

"I guess."

"Here we go."

She waited for him to start reading. When he didn't, she glanced at him to find him watching her with a peculiar half-smile.

"Have I told you yet today how much I love you?" He leaned in and kissed her again.

"Yep."

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?"

"You have now."

"How about that you drive me crazy?"

"Trey...."

"I know, I know. But I can't help myself." He brushed his hand across her cheek and tucked it behind her head as he pressed his lips to hers once more.

"I suggest you find a way because the tape recorder is still recording, and I doubt Dr. Keller will accept a make-out session for our ad."

"Sex sells, babe. Lighten up and have a little fun for once." He grinned, then glanced away. "You know, I've always liked that you don't have a totally girly room. No pictures of your favorite pop stars plastered all over your walls. Lots of horse stuff, but since you _are_ a ranch girl, I guess I can deal with that."

Beth's mouth fell open. He _guessed_ he could _deal_ with that? What the hell? She said nothing as he lazily perusing her rustic decorations and her array of pictures of the Northstar Valley, her family, and friends, and it was only by pure stubbornness that she was able to keep her expression blank. Between that comment, his recent aggressiveness, and Nick's comments, she was beginning to wonder if they'd make it to their one-year anniversary.

"The pink and purple your roommate last year filled your dorm with was disgusting," he said after a while.

_Just let it go,_ she told herself. "Yeah.... Why do you think I was so glad to have my own room this year?"

"I'm glad you have your own room this year, too." He slid his hand over her knee and up her thigh. When she squirmed away, he said, "Oh, come on, babe. We've been together for a year."

_Don't you dare let Trey convince you he_ needs _it._ Nick's words sprang into her mind, and anger flashed. "And I've told you I want to wait until marriage. You used to respect that."

Ignoring her, he scooted closer and slipped his hand under the skirt of her dress as he sought her mouth with his.

"Trey. Stop."

"No."

When she tried to pull away, he dug his fingers into her thigh. The spark of amusement was gone from his eyes, and charming smile no longer lifted his lips. A shiver of dread shuddered through her, and she leaned away in alarm, knocking her tape recorder off the nightstand with her elbow. She glanced briefly over her shoulder to see where it had gone, but Trey tightened his grip, drawing her attention back to him.

"Trey... let go."

"I think your whole waiting-until-marriage vow is a sham. Darryl had some _very_ interesting things to say tonight. Said you were quite the wildcat in bed, that you like it rough. I never would have thought it possible until he brought it up—you're always so quiet and shy—but watching you dance with Nick tonight.... You really do know how to use that sexy little body of yours."

"Nick and I have been dancing together for years now. You know that. Of course we know how to move well together."

"I get the feeling that's not the only way you know how to move with him."

"Knock it off, Trey. You know I've never been with anyone."

"Do I? Darryl says differently."

Beth's eyes burned with tears. "Darryl is lying."

"I don't think he is. The way he told it was a little too—what's the word— _plausible_ to be made up."

"I've never slept with him or anyone. And I'm not going to sleep with you tonight." She winced when Trey tightened his grip, certain he was going to leave a bruise. "Please let go."

"Am I not good enough for you? Is that it? But Darryl is." His grin turned feral. "And Nick, too, that stick-up-his-ass son of a bitch."

"Leave Nick out of this."

"You two always have been a little too friendly. For God's sake, you have more pictures of him in your room than of me," he continued as if he hadn't heard her. "He's always hugging you, kissing your cheek... and, wow, the way you two moved together at the Club tonight. Made me hard just watching you. Tell me my eyes are lying to me, Beth."

"Nick and I are friends. Very good friends, yes, but I promise, that's all we've ever been."

Trey met her gaze, and the hatred in his brown eyes sent a shock of fear and anger straight to her core. "Bullshit."

She glanced at her clock and hoped Nick would hurry up with his paper.

"Let go of me and get out of my room," she said, carefully enunciating each word. "And don't come back until you're ready to apologize."

For a moment, Trey stared at her, and she thought he'd listen, but then he buried his fingers in her hair, loosening her ponytail a bit, and kissed her with a tenderness that entirely contradicted his words. Instinct told her to stop him before he got carried away again, but he refused to relinquish her mouth. He shifted his hand lower, splaying his fingers across her upper back and pinning her firmly to him while his other hand stroked the curve of her hip under her skirt. There was no trace of the desire that should accompany such touches, only deepening alarm. He was _strong._ She tried to wiggle away again, put her hands against his chest and pushed, but he held her firmly and grabbed hold of her hip roughly enough to make her whimper.

"Where ya goin', babe?" he said mockingly. "I'm not finished with you yet. Not even close."

"Yes, you are. Let me go and get out. Now."

"Not until I'm finished."

"You _are_ finished. Stop this now and get out."

He backhanded her and shoved her face-down into the mattress. "I bet you never told _them_ to stop."

She screamed then as terror lanced through her. With horrifying ease, he wrenched her arms behind her back. Straddling her with his knees holding her arms firmly against her body, he yanked his belt off and wrapped it tightly around her wrists. She thrashed with every ounce of strength she possessed and screamed again, but it was useless.

"Scream all you want, babe. No one's around to hear you. Everyone's out partying it up, remember?"

"Please, don't do this."

He ignored her and sat back for a moment to rip her dress. Tears flooded her eyes as she panted for breath and continued to struggle in his grasp.

_Please, Nick... please hurry._

Trey loosened his hold for a moment to unbutton his jeans, and she writhed beneath him with renewed effort, twisting her head out of his grasp to let out the loudest scream she could. Then she flung her upper body back and cracked him in the nose with the back of her head. He bellowed in wordless rage and grabbed a fistful of her long hair, jerking her head around painfully until her face was turned toward him. From the corner of her vision, she saw a trickle of blood seep from one nostril, and fury ignited. She shrieked again, this time with savage anger.

"Shut up!"

He cuffed the side of her head again, dazing her, and her next scream came out as a whine.

With his hand pressed cruelly against her neck to keep her pinned to the bed, he dragged her legs over the edge and spread her knees apart.

Her screams disintegrated into sobs. She couldn't fight him off, couldn't wrench herself free from his grip. He was too strong. And he was right. It didn't matter how loud or how long she screamed; there was no one around to hear her. Even if by some miracle Nick had, it was too late.

"That's right, bitch," Trey snarled, twisting his hand in her hair again and yanking her head back. "You're mine now."

# Three

Nick leapt down the entire first flight of stairs, nearly slamming into the wall on the other side of the narrow landing. He pushed against the wall with one hand to regain his balance and bounded down the second flight three steps at a time with the screams growing louder as he descended. He hit the floor and took off at a dead run. By the time he reached Beth's door, the screams had quieted into sobs. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked, and panic grew with each thud of his heart.

"Beth!" he yelled.

"Nick!" she wailed in response.

The hysteria in her voice knifed through him, and he rammed the door with his shoulder again and again until wood splintered and the screws fastening the hinges to the solid panel ripped out. Only vaguely aware of the sharp throbbing in his shoulder, he kicked the door open and burst into the room. A split second was all he had to take stock of the situation. Trey, with a bloodied nose and a savage sneer, had Beth naked and bent over the bed. For the briefest moment, Nick's gaze locked with Beth's, and at the sight of the pain in her beautiful blue eyes, all rational thought vanished.

He barreled into Trey, driving him into the wall beyond the foot of the bed. Beth cried out again, and at once, Nick placed himself between her and Trey. Trey pushed off the wall and sent a fist toward his face, but he ducked, and his injured shoulder took the blow. Pain shot through it, but he twisted and drove his elbow into Trey's gut. Pushing his head against his opponent's chest, he grabbed him behind the knees, and in a single fluid motion, he hoisted Trey off the ground and slammed him down. Trey's head connected with the hard floor, and the air rushed from his lungs, but he thrashed wildly and clipped Nick in the cheek with a fist. With one arm across Trey's chest, Nick pulled himself up and sent his fist into Trey's face. It took only a few punches before Trey stopped fighting back and could no longer lift his arms to shield himself.

With his chest heaving, his lungs burning, and his right shoulder aching, Nick pushed to his feet and paused only a moment to make sure Trey wasn't going to get up. His old friend rolled onto his side with a half-conscious groan. Shock and fury pulsed through Nick, but he ignored the desire to go after Trey again and instead turned to Beth.

She lay on her side, curled into a ball. Her arms were tied behind her back with a leather belt, and tears seeped between her tightly closed eyelids. Nick took a step toward her and noticed the smudge of blood on the inside of her thighs, and he nearly collapsed to the floor beside her. _Let this be a horrible dream. Please don't let this be real._

He settled on the edge of the bed and softly called her name. She didn't respond, didn't give him any indication that she'd heard him.

"Beth, sweetheart."

"Nick," she croaked, turning her eyes on him.

"I'm going to untie you, all right?"

She nodded, and her body shuddered as she tried to draw a deep breath. As gently as he could, he loosened the knot Trey had tied the belt into. He expected her to shy away, but when her hands were free, she curled her fingers tightly around his arm, and dragged herself to him, clinging to him as sobs wracked her body. He leaned down to pick her ruined dress up off the floor and draped it around her. He held her tightly as she babbled incoherently.

A few feet away, Trey groaned again.

"I have to get you out of here," Nick said as a fresh burst of adrenaline rushed through him. "I have to get you away from him."

Without letting go of Beth, he reached toward the small dresser at the head of her bed and pulled open the top drawer. He grabbed a tank top and her flannel pajama pants, then carefully lifted her into his lap and pushed shakily to his feet. With one arm behind her shoulders and the other behind her knees and her arms tight around his neck, he stepped past the skewed door and into the vacant hall beyond, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Trey hadn't gotten up yet.

"I think... I need to puke," Beth said.

He carried her into the bathroom, set her on her feet, and she promptly leaned over the garbage can and vomited. When the gagging stopped, she crumpled to the floor, crying again.

"I need a shower," she said, scrubbing her hands over arms before folding them closely around herself.

Nick knelt on the floor beside her and gathered her into his arms, ignoring the stabbing ache in his shoulder and how badly he was shaking. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he acknowledged that his cheek stung and that the knuckles of his left hand were torn and bleeding, but he ignored all that, too. Every drop of his attention was focused on Beth.

With his back against the cold, hard wall of a bathtub, he held her as she cried. Tears trickled hotly down his cheeks, and he pinched his eyes closed only to see again the scene that had greeted him when the door broke off its hinges. There was no doubt in his mind what had happened, but he wished with everything that he'd wake up in the morning and find out that this was all no more than the most hideous dream.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he whispered. "So, so sorry."

Slowly, she stopped crying but didn't loosen her hold on him. Nick lifted her up and over the tub and turned on the tap so she could rinse out her mouth, then settled her in his lap again and stroked his hand lightly over her back. As the adrenaline ebbed, the pieces of coherent thought knitted together. He needed to take her to the hospital to be examined.

"I need a shower," Beth said again.

"I know you do, sweetheart, but you can't yet. We have to get you to the hospital first."

"No!" she cried, and her tears broke loose again. "No, please. I can't."

"Beth, you've been raped." He choked on the word, but it was the truth. "The sooner you get a rape exam, the better."

"I can't...."

He tightened his arms around her and promised that he wouldn't let anything else happen to her.

"Just like that night when we were seven, and we rode out a snowstorm in a shed. Do you remember? Your folks came down to help us move some calves into the barn, and while everyone else was distracted, you took off to check on the kitten of the barn cat who'd been killed by a coyote. I found you just as the whiteout hit, and we kept each other warm snuggled up with that cat under an old canvas tarp. And when we walked into my house in the morning, your parents were so happy you were all right that they let you keep her as a pet. You named her Winter."

"She's been the best cat," Beth murmured.

"Yes, she has." He rested his cheek on the top of her head. "We survived that night, and somehow, we'll survive this one, too."

At last, she calmed enough to let him help her dress in the pajama pants and tank top. She eyed the ruined turquoise dress and after she nearly wretched again, she begged him to throw it out. Because she still seemed incapable of walking, he picked her up again and carried her out of the bathroom and down the hall, grimacing against the intensifying pain in his shoulder. When he passed her room, he glanced inside. Trey had disappeared, so he hurried outside, hoping they wouldn't see him again tonight.

The night air had cooled quickly, and Beth shivered. Nick wished he'd thought to grab her pullover or anything to keep her warm, but he had a flannel in his truck; that would have to do. His truck was parked on the street that ran by the north side of Mathews Hall, so the walk was short, and once he reached his vehicle, he settled Beth gently in the passenger seat. For a moment, he was afraid he'd have to pry her arms from around his neck, but she grudgingly released him, and he draped his flannel over her like a blanket.

She didn't say anything during the short, two-block ride to the hospital nor when he carried her to the door. She only stared blankly ahead. Her lack of responsiveness scared him. He buzzed the emergency room door, and within seconds, a nurse clad in wine-colored scrubs arrived with a wheelchair and flipped the switch on the automatic glass doors. They hissed open.

Nick dismissed the wheelchair with a shake of his head.

"What happened?" the nurse asked, ushering them inside.

"She was...." Nick's voice failed, and he swallowed before he tried again as he followed the nurse up the ramp to the nurses' station. "She was raped. I–I heard her scream.... I didn't get there fast enough."

"How long ago?"

"I don't know. Maybe twenty minutes. Thirty. I don't know. I'm sorry." Then he remembered talking to Michelle just before eleven and finishing his paper shortly after and trying to print it. "Wait. It was just after eleven."

"Nearly two hours ago, then. It's almost one."

_Two hours?_ Had they sat on the floor of the bathroom that long?

The nurse led him to an exam room, pausing at the nurses' station only long enough to page the on-duty doctor and to grab a clipboard and paperwork. She gestured for Nick to take Beth inside. When he tried to set Beth on the bed, she tightened her arms around his neck and whimpered.

"Shh," he whispered. "It'll be all right. No one's going to hurt you again."

"Don't leave me."

"Never."

She let go, unwillingly, and he lowered her to the bed but kept hold of her hand.

"What's her name?" the nurse asked.

"Beth. Elizabeth Carlyle."

"And yours?"

"Nick Hammond."

"Nicholas? With a C-H or C-K?"

He nodded. "C-H."

"Middle initial?"

"Hers, A. Mine, W."

"We'll get the rest of the information after we're done."

The doctor arrived to take over but glanced first at Nick. She said something to him, and he responded, but numbness was starting to set in, and he couldn't comprehend any of it. When the nurse asked him to come with her so she could attend to his injuries, he shook his head.

"I'm fine. I can't leave her."

"We need to examine her, and we also need to talk to her. I'm not sure how much she'll be willing to say in front of you."

He glanced between Beth and the doctor and figured Beth needed some privacy right now, so he squeezed her hand and promised he'd be close by before he followed the nurse into the neighboring exam room. While she gathered the necessary supplies, she questioned him about the attack.

"Do you know him?"

Nick nodded but didn't offer any other information, and she didn't ask, instead turning her attention to treating his cuts. The one on his cheek wasn't bad, and neither were the ones on his knuckles, but they stung when she cleaned them, and he winced. She started to bandage them, but they really didn't need it, so he asked that she leave them alone.

She acquiesced and asked, "Any other injuries?"

"My shoulder's a little sore, but it's probably just bruised."

"Let's take a look at it anyhow. You probably don't feel it as much with all that adrenaline as you would otherwise."

He unbuttoned his plaid shirt and carefully peeled it off, cringing when his shoulder complained. When he pulled his T-shirt over his head, he gasped as the joint wailed in protest. There was some noticeable swelling and the first bloom of bruising. The nurse prodded all around his shoulder and asked him to describe exactly how he'd hurt it and what the pain felt like. She asked him to test the shoulder's range of motion, and as he did, he noticed a peculiar looseness in the joint. Great.

"Have you ever dislocated your shoulder?" she asked.

"Freshman year of high school during a wrestling match."

"Dr. Phillips will take a look at it as soon as she's finished with Beth, but in the meantime, do you need anything for the pain?"

He shook his head. "No. I just want Beth to be okay."

"While we're waiting for Dr. Phillips, I'm going to ask you some more questions about the attack, all right?"

He nodded.

"You said you know the attacker. Do you know his name?"

At first, he was hesitant to answer. "I don't know how much she wants me to say."

"It's okay. This is all strictly confidential and will only be divulged if she chooses to report the rape."

Nick eyed her for a moment, then said, "Trey Holt. He's a... he _used_ to be a friend."

"Does Beth know him?"

"They've been dating for a year or so, and we've known him since high school."

"You said you heard her scream?"

"Yes. We'd agreed to go over each other's papers for class, and I was trying to print mine when I heard her scream. I ran downstairs. The door was locked, so I broke it down... and...."

"You saw him raping her?"

Nodding again, he closed his eyes and tipped his head back, trying to quell the nausea that swirled as he recalled that moment yet again. How many times would he relive it tonight? He described everything that had happened from the moment he'd heard that indistinguishable sound over his printer and music to carrying Beth out of the bathroom.

"Where is Trey now?"

"He was gone by the time we headed for my truck. I don't think I hurt him that bad... but I don't know. All I could think of was getting her away from him. I didn't pay much attention to him after he stopped fighting back."

Nick dropped his head into his hands as tears threatened. When he thought about how differently things might have turned out had he not been delayed, they spilled over. Could he have saved Beth from this trauma? "I should have gotten there sooner. If my printer hadn't jammed, I might've...."

"It is not your fault, and it isn't her fault."

On the verge of completely breaking down, he looked up at the nurse. "What can I do for her now? The damage is done."

"You can start by doing just what you are. Be there for her. She's probably going to want to shy away from everything that reminds her of the rape, so try to help her get back into a normal routine as quickly as possible. Also, even if she doesn't want to do it, reporting the rape might help her regain some sense of control over what happened. Don't push her, though. She needs to make the decision on her own."

There was a knock at the door, and a moment later, it swung open. Beth stepped inside and immediately walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He hugged her with his left arm and let out a shuddering breath of relief, glad to see her more animated again. Dr. Phillips entered behind her and went through the same process with him as the nurse had and quickly diagnosed him with a partially dislocated shoulder. She wanted an X-ray, however, to confirm that there were no fractures or other complications before she attempted to work it back into place, and he did his best to quell his agitation, hating what seemed to him at that moment like fussing. He'd had worse injuries, and his shoulder would be just fine in no time, but Beth.... Would she ever be the same again?

He didn't pay much attention to Dr. Phillips and the nurse. He was exhausted and heartbroken, and now that he'd had time to settle down some, his shoulder hurt like hell. All he wanted was to drag himself into bed and beg sleep to erase everything that had happened tonight, if only for a few hours. He knew it wouldn't help because this was no bad dream, and he had no idea what the following days and weeks would bring. Whatever they brought, he vowed to obey the nurse's suggestions and do anything he could to help Beth find a way to recover and move on from this. He'd already failed her once. He would not fail her again.

She felt hollow. And violated on a level she could never have imagined before tonight. The physical exam was horrible despite Dr. Phillip's gentle ministrations and soothing voice, and she broke down in tears at least four times before it was over. Her body ached in places and ways she had never experienced, and in addition to the trauma inflicted directly by the sexual assault, she had numerous bruises forming, including a couple on her arms and hips that were clearly taking the shape of Trey's fingers and hands and friction burns on her wrists from the belt. She shuddered as the doctor photographed them, feeling utterly exposed and vulnerable. At last, the physical exam was done, and she pulled her pajama pants and tank top back. Then she stuffed her arms into the sleeves of Nick's flannel and tucked it tightly around herself, reassured by the soft warmth of it and even more by the faint scents of leather and hay and Nick that clung to it. Covering her nose with it, she inhaled deeply. The worst was over.

But it wasn't.

"This is just for the record," Dr. Phillips said. "Can you please confirm for me that the young man who brought you in is _not_ the man who attacked you?"

"No, he is not the one who attacked me," Beth said vehemently. "Nick is my friend. He... he s-stopped it."

"Do you know the man who attacked you?"

"Y-yes. It was m-my b-boyfriend," she said, tripping over the words.

"What is his name?"

When she tried to say it, she couldn't. She heard his voice, all sweet and adoring. _Have I told you yet today how much I love you?_ Shuddering, she recalled the rough way he'd announced his claim over her. _That's right, bitch. You're mine now._ She couldn't reconcile them. The Trey she'd dated for almost a year was nothing like the one who'd snarled those words. Logic told her that she'd done everything she could to get him to stop, that none of this was her fault, but she couldn't help wondering how she'd provoked him.

The doctor asked more questions, and answering them brought back the entire act in sharper clarity than the physical exam had. Beth had to detail everything about the rape and her lack of a sex life, and even though she knew the other woman did not judge her, it made her feel dirty and ashamed. Throughout the ordeal, she wished Nick was there with her. Why hadn't he come back yet? Surely it didn't take that long to clean and dress a few minor cuts.

When the doctor suggested emergency contraception, adding that she'd found traces of semen, Beth's head snapped up. When her disjointed thoughts knitted together and she understood what that meant, she nearly threw up again. To have a child forced upon her.... She wasn't sure she would survive that. Panic clawed at her, and she started crying again.

"Please... I can't do this anymore. I just want Nick."

"We're almost done, Beth. It is your choice whether or not to use some form of emergency contraceptive, but I strongly suggest it."

She had never given much thought to any kind of contraception. She'd always believed that, when the time came, she wouldn't need to because she'd be married and a baby would be a blessing. Not once had she wondered what she'd do if she found herself facing the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. "I... I don't know what to do. But I can't get pregnant. Not like this."

Dr. Phillips handed her a small box and explained how the morning after pill worked. Beth stared blankly at it. The corners of the box in her hand were sharp, and her mind seemed to be stuck on that sensation instead of the fear of what it represented. The abatement of the terror that had gripped her only moments ago felt good, and on some level she knew the senselessness that replaced it was no better, but she latched on to it anyhow. She took the first pill and barely heard the other woman say she'd need to take the second after lunch tomorrow. By the time Dr. Phillips had finished her instructions on the contraceptive, numbness had fully set in.

"I know you feel like trying to forget all this happened is the best way to move past it," Dr. Phillips said, "but I firmly believe you should report this. It is, of course, your choice, and everything I've documented is confidential."

The idea of reporting the rape and having to go through every detail again with who knew how many other people made her quiver with anxiety. Her mind raced through a nightmare scenario of creating a media circus that she'd never escape. Devyn and Northstar were small, close-knit communities, and Trey was not only a shining star on the university's football team but a favored son of a notable ranching family. His father was heavily involved in Devyn politics. Beth's family owned the second-largest ranch in the Northstar Valley—Nick's family owned the largest—and she couldn't imagine ever leaving her beloved C-Diamond, not even to escape what Trey had done. If she reported the rape... she'd be dealing with the aftermath for as long as she lived.

Beth shook her head. "I can't. Please, I need to see Nick now."

"All right, honey. If you come to a point that you feel able to report it, we keep the evidence and records on file. For now, I'm sure your friend is very worried about you, so let's go see how he's doing."

They walked to the exam room next door, and Beth immediately went to Nick. At first, she was too glad to see him to think it odd that he had his shirt off, but then she noticed the bruising on his shoulder and realized he held his right arm strangely close to his body, hugging her only with his left. Concerned, she glanced at his face and saw that his lips were pressed into a firm line and his eyes were bright with agony.

"I believe it's a partial dislocation," the nurse said to Dr. Phillips.

_Dislocation?_ It sickened her to think of how much pain he must be in. It was so wrong that he had been injured rescuing her, and the consequences of such an injury played out in her mind as Dr. Phillips X-rayed his shoulder and then went over the images. At best, he'd be in a sling for a couple weeks and without full use of that arm for weeks more. That shot at least the first half of football season and would make it difficult for him to help out on the ranch during one of the busiest times of the year. Not to mention the general difficulties of having an out-of-commission arm.

After Dr. Phillips looked over the X-ray images, apparently pleased with what she saw, she said, "You're lucky. The damage is minimal; it's not too far out of socket, there aren't any fractures, and it looks like only minor ligament tearing. Ready?"

Nick nodded and braced himself. With practiced finesse, Dr. Phillips worked his arm and shoulder, and Beth's stomach lurched when she heard the quiet but unmistakable _pop_ as the joint returned to its proper alignment. Nick winced but relief washed across his face almost immediately.

"Better?" Dr. Phillips asked.

"Much," he replied. "Thank you."

"Keep the sling on for the next two weeks, and ice your shoulder for twenty minutes or so every few hours for the next few days to keep the swelling down."

The nurse helped him back into his T-shirt and handed his button-up shirt to Beth to hold while she put his arm in the sling. Because he didn't seem to be listening to what the doctor and nurse were telling him, Beth asked them to write the instructions down. Somehow, between her and Nick, they were able to provide the rest of their basic stats and insurance information, and at last, they were free to go home.

What was she going to do once they got back to the dorms? Even if Nick hadn't knocked her door off its hinges, there was no way she'd be able to stay in her room. She couldn't face it yet. What time was it anyhow? When she slid into the passenger seat of Nick's truck and he turned the key in the ignition, she glanced at the clock on the radio. It was almost three in the morning.

Nick pulled out of the hospital parking lot steering with his knee as he reached across his body with his left arm to shift.

"I should have offered to drive," Beth said.

"It's all right," he replied. "It's only two blocks, and the streets are deserted."

They were silent until he parked in the same spot he'd left almost two hours ago. Then Beth asked, "What am I going to do now?"

"The best you can."

"No, I mean... what am I going to do tonight? I can't stay in my room." She looked at him, knowing what she wanted but not sure if she should ask because she'd already dragged him through too much. Still, she couldn't bear the thought of being away from him right now. "Can I stay with you? I know I'm not supposed to, and I have no right to ask any more of you, but... I really need your strength tonight."

"I don't know that I have much strength left at the moment," he said gently, then took her hand and squeezed. "But you have every right to ask, Beth. You're my friend—my best friend—and even if you hadn't asked, I would rather you stay with me so I know you're safe. At least for tonight. Well, what's left of tonight. After that... we'll figure something out."

Suddenly, she realized that her staying with him might bring further trouble to him. "What about Michelle?"

"I'll find a way to make her understand. Come on. Let's head in so you can get some things and take a shower. I'm sure you want one."

She almost groaned in pleasure at the thought of a shower and the promise of being able to wash away as much of tonight as she could. They walked to the northwest door of Mathews Hall—the one closest to her room—and she took his keys from him to unlock it. She pulled it open and hesitated, taking several deep breaths to quell the dread and fluttering anxiety as she prepared herself to enter her room, a place that had only hours ago been her home away from home. Would she ever be able to stay in it again, or would she have to ask to be moved to a new room and make up an excuse as to why? Or would they move her, anyhow, until the door could be repaired? All the questions and memories and fears collided, and she felt her mind splinter again. It was too soon to go back, but she had to.

At last, she gathered the courage to descend into the basement of Mathews Hall, gripping Nick's hand as she headed toward her room. It was the third door on the right, almost in the middle of the hall, and when she reached it, she saw that the door was still skewed. Chewing on her lip, she hesitated again before she stepped into her room.

Trey had apparently felt the need to demolish the place before he'd left because her belongings were strewn everywhere. The memory of the rape assaulted her, and her legs wobbled, but Nick was right beside her with a steadying arm around her shoulders.

"Easy, Beth," he murmured. "Are you all right?"

_No, I'm not all right_ , she thought, wondering if she'd ever be again. That wasn't what he was asking, however, so she nodded and closed her mind to everything but the task at hand. Clean clothes for tonight and tomorrow. Shower caddy. Everything else could wait.

"What in all holy hell happened here?"

Beth screamed and jumped behind Nick, but when she turned toward the voice, she saw it was only Jeff Opheim, the campus's middle-aged nighttime security guard. She inhaled deeply to calm her racing heart. He wasn't much taller than Beth and had a narrow build that didn't exactly inspire confidence in his ability to defend the students, but he was quicker and stronger than he looked. He cautiously joined them, glancing around the ransacked room, then at the broken door, and finally at Nick's sling. Frowning, the slight security guard repeated his question.

"She was attacked," Nick said. "And I had to break down the door to get to her."

"Sweet Jesus, honey. Are you all right? Why the hell didn't you call me?"

"No time," Nick said. "And, no, she's not all right, but it's handled now."

"Nick, if she was attacked, I need to report it to the police and Dean Harris."

"No!" Beth cried. "Please no! I can't. It'll just make it worse.""

"Was it a student?"

"Jeff...."

"Well, if it was, we can have him removed from campus."

"I just want to leave it alone and forget it happened." Her voice cracked. "If I ever can."

Concern washed over the guard's face, but he didn't press the matter. "Where are you going to stay tonight?"

"With Nick."

"I'll be sure to swing by his room periodically on my rounds."

"Thank you," Nick said.

After Beth gathered some clean clothes and her shower caddy, Nick and Jeff righted the door. The security guard promised to talk to maintenance first thing in the morning about it. Beth started toward the showers, but Nick reminded her that his suite had its own bathroom. Perhaps it was silly, but that sounded much better than having to shower in one of the three stalls on her floor. Right now, that large, high-ceilinged room was too open, too exposed.

They headed down the hall to the staircase closest to Main Hall and tiredly climbed the stairs up to Nick's suite at the top. As soon as they were inside, he locked the door. She set the box with the second morning after pill and his shirt—which she'd held on to since the nurse had handed it to her—on his mini-fridge and tried not to think about anything but how good it would feel to be clean again. Nick turned on the light in the bathroom for her, told her he was going to sit on the couch while she showered, and pulled the door closed. She reached to lock it... then recalled what had happened the last time a locked door had stood between her and Nick and snatched her hand back.

She ran the water as hot as she could stand and scrubbed her skin nearly raw, trying her best to ignore the sight of the bruises that dappled her arms and legs and the angry red friction burns around her wrists. After she'd cleaned herself thoroughly and washed her long hair, she stood under the steaming waterfall for nearly half an hour, grateful for the limitless hot water of the dorms.

When she finally left the bathroom dressed in a different pair of pajama pants and her tank top with Nick's flannel hanging open—she didn't think he'd mind if she borrowed it a bit longer—Nick had changed out of his clothes into a pair of pajama pants and was reclining on his couch with his head resting on the back and his eyes closed. A plain gray T-shirt and his sling were draped over one knee, and he held an ice pack to his shoulder. The bruising was worse now, and she shuddered.

He glanced up, and she caught sight of the cut on his cheek. He must have been clipped by Trey's ring from their high school football state championship. It wasn't bad enough to bandage and probably wouldn't scar, but she was angered by how it and the bruise forming beneath it marred his beautiful, beloved face.

Nick balanced the ice pack on his shoulder, then patted the couch cushion beside him and asked gently, "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay for the moment," she answered. She sat next to him and curled up to his left side when he lifted his arm out of the way. Twining her fingers with his and trying to ignore the rough feel of the cuts on his knuckles, she tucked his arm around her and sighed, feeling truly safe for the first time since Trey's playful kissing had turned violent.

As if he sensed her thoughts slipping into dangerous territory, he said, "Talk to me, Beth."

"I'm sore. Still half terrified. Guilty for dragging you though this. But I feel a little better now that I'm clean."

"You didn't drag me through anything."

She trailed her fingers over the sling. "You'll be out for at least half the season because of me."

"No, not because of you. Even if I hadn't dislocated my shoulder, I don't think I could play anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't play on the same team with Trey after what he did."

Long after she should have cried herself dry, more tears threatened. She wanted to tell him how much it meant that he cared so much for her that he had thrown himself against a solid wood door to save her and that she didn't know what would have happened to her had he not come to her rescue. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she couldn't speak around the lump in her throat, and even if she could, the words refuse to cooperate. So she said simply, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me," he replied quietly. "I should have gotten there sooner. I'm so sorry."

His voice sounded strange, so she glanced at his face. Tears brimmed in his blue eyes, and she couldn't recall ever seeing him looking so sad or agonized. The pain that bothered him most, she knew, was not the injury to his shoulder. "No... don't say that. You came."

He tightened his arm around her for a moment, then got up to put the ice pack back in the freezer of his little fridge. He picked up his T-shirt and started to shimmy awkwardly into it, but she stopped him, unable to watch him grimace.

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable," he said.

"I'm fine with you, Nick. You'd never hurt me." Miraculously, her face lifted in a faint smile. A glimmer of her usual sense of humor blossomed amidst the dark numbness. "It's not like we haven't seen each other naked at least a hundred times in our lives."

"Yeah, but that was when we were little kids."

"Nothing's changed. You're still the same Nick I grew up with, the same Nick who has been my best friend all my life." Sobering again, she murmured, "And after everything else tonight, it's killing me to see you in pain."

"It's not as bad now. Besides, the T-shirt will keep the strap of the sling from rubbing."

"Fine then, but let me help."

Assisting him gave her something else to focus on, and by the time they'd gotten his shirt on and his arm secured once again in the sling, she thought she might actually be able to sleep. They snuggled together on the couch, and Nick pulled a blanket over them. Weariness settled over her, and she closed her eyes. The warmth of his body and the steady rhythm of his breathing quickly lulled her into oblivion.

_I'm safe_ , she thought just before sleep claimed her. _Safe with Nick._

# Four

Just before dawn and only minutes after he'd finally dozed off, Nick was jerked awake when Beth thrashed and let out an ear-piercing shriek. For a moment, he was disoriented, but he didn't have time to gather his bearings before her elbow collided with his injured shoulder, and he gasped as pain shot through it. In a snap, he realized they were on his couch in his dorm suite. Memories followed understanding in a parade of sickening images, and he remembered why she was snuggled up with him and why his arm was in a sling. When she twitched again, he pushed her upright and sat up.

"Beth," he murmured before she could hit him again. "Wake up. Come on, sweetie. It's just a bad dream."

"Don't touch me!" she screeched, still asleep. "Please stop, Trey!"

"Beth!"

Her eyes popped open, and she stared at him with terror inscribed on her face. She glanced frantically around the room, then returned her gaze to him, slowly calming as she realized she wasn't currently being assaulted. Her expression smoothed, but confusion soon pinched her brows together. "Nick?"

"Yes, it's me."

"I'm not in my room."

"No, you're in mine."

"Trey's gone...?"

"It was just a bad dream."

She closed her eyes and leaned against him. Moments later, hot tears soaked into his T-shirt, and he pulled her closer.

"Shh," he whispered. "Trey's not going to hurt you again. I won't let him."

"But he _did_ hurt me, didn't he. I didn't dream _that_."

"No, I'm sorry, you didn't."

Beth cried silently for a time, but then her tears dried up, and Nick realized she'd fallen asleep again. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to relieve the bitter ache of guilt and hatred, but it eluded him. What happened next? And how was he going to explain this to Michelle? Omission wasn't an option; she was sure to ask why his cheek and knuckles were cut and bruised and why his arm was in a sling, and he wouldn't lie to her. How could he make her understand that Beth needed him right now—and that he needed to be there for her—without being able to tell her _why_?

He tipped his head back and pinched his eyes closed.

What a screwed up mes _s._ And convincing his girlfriend to trust him was the _least_ of it.

The weight of this terrible secret pressed down on him, growing heavier by the second, making it hard to breathe. Somehow, he had to find a way to keep it from crushing him.

With a football game away in Helena against Carroll College Saturday afternoon and the big Labor Day fair and rodeo under way in Devyn, they hadn't planned to go home to Northstar this weekend, but since he no longer had to worry about game, maybe they should go. He had hall patrol duty Friday night, but they could leave in the morning on Saturday. She needed her family. If she could tell them what had happened, she'd have a bigger support system than just him. She needed that, and it would also ease the burden on him some.

Having a plan in place—even a near-sighted one—eased the tension aching in his neck.

His eyes slid closed, and he was nearly asleep when Beth woke up again. This time, however, she wasn't in the throes of a nightmare. She tilted her head up to look at him just as he yawned.

"What time is it?" she asked.

He glanced at the clock on the wall above his TV with bleary eyes. "Just after seven."

"Did you sleep at all?"

"Not really."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Keeping you awake."

"You didn't. I just couldn't sleep." Absently, he stroked his hand over her hair, jerking his hand back when she flinched. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a wordless squeak as tears once again spilled from her eyes.

"Jesus, Beth. What'd I do?"

" _You_ didn't do anything. He wrapped my hair around his hand and yanked my head back just before he...." A shudder coursed through her body. "He called me his bitch."

Nick's hand clenched into a fist. He should have hit Trey a hell of a lot harder than he had. And a few more times. With anger boiling through his veins, he had no hope of getting any sleep now. He sat with Beth until the tears stopped falling, then got up and grabbed his ice pack out of his freezer, grinding his teeth when he pressed it to his shoulder, and marveled at the damage Trey's selfishness had wrought.

"I need to take care of a few things this morning," he said. "Will you be all right by yourself for an hour or two?"

"I don't know. I really don't want to be alone right now. What if Trey...?"

"He's not going to bother you here. Lock the door behind me and don't answer it for anyone."

"Do you really have to go?"

"I need to talk to Neil and Dean Harris about your door and break the news to Coach Tanner."

"You're really going to quit football?"

"I can't play for at least six weeks, anyhow, and I will not play on the same team as Trey. I'd be too tempted to break his neck. I also need to talk to our professors and get assignments and notes for today and tomorrow. Unless you tell me you want to go to class."

"No, I can't."

"I need to take care of all that, then, don't I?"

Her eyes rounded. "Are you mad at me?"

He stared at her. Suddenly, she looked so young and scared, not at all like the cheerful, imperturbable woman he knew. "Why would you think that?"

"You're angry."

"Yeah. I am. I have the overwhelming urge to find Trey and pick up where I left off last night... except that I could never hurt him bad enough." Still holding the ice pack to his shoulder, he sat beside her on the couch again and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "My shoulder is aching pretty bad right now, which is probably making me even more irritable. But I'm not angry at you. Never at you."

"I'm sorry I got you into this."

"Quit saying that. None of this is your fault."

"What if it is? What if I could have done something to prevent it or stopped him? What if something I did made him—"

"Do _not_... _ever_... say that in my hearing again," Nick snapped. "You did _nothing_ to deserve that. Trey is a vicious piece of shit. He and he _alone_ is to blame."

"Am I wrong for not wanting to report it?"

"I don't know."

He took her hand and studied the friction burns the belt had left on her wrists, and his heart broke for her. She had such a beautiful spirit, and now her innocent delight in life had been cruelly damaged.

He wanted Trey to rot in a prison cell for what he'd done. It wouldn't be enough, but it was better than nothing, and if Beth didn't report the rape, _nothing_ was exactly what would happen to Trey. With fury seething, it was difficult to understand why she didn't want to do it, but somewhere in a far corner of his mind where logic held on stubbornly against the rage, he understood that reporting the rape would pit her against Trey's prominent and influential family. Her courage was badly shaken right now, and it would probably take a long time to rebuild it... and she'd need it to stand against the Holts and their cronies as they tried to make it look like she'd brought this on herself.

He sighed. "Yes, I think you should report it. Of course I do. But I understand why you don't want to. In your position, I'm not sure I'd be able to, either."

They sat in silence until he was finished icing his shoulder. Then he got up, put the ice pack back in his freezer, and ducked into his room to change out of his pajama pants and into a pair of jeans. Trying to do that one-handed was difficult and frustrating, but he managed. He didn't bother changing his T-shirt. That would require more energy and patience than he had at the moment. Sliding his feet into a pair of sandals, he stepped into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Surprisingly, he actually had a small bottle of Tylenol and vaguely remembered that Michelle had bought it the other night when she'd had a headache. Small mercies. He tapped the suggested dose into his hand and walked back into the living room to grab his water bottle out of his fridge. He swallowed the pills and all the water, then turned to face Beth.

"There are a couple breakfast burritos in the freezer, plenty to drink in the fridge, and other snacks in the cupboard on the side of the closet. Or you can wait until I get back, and I'll take you out to breakfast."

She watched him with an uncharacteristic uncertainty, so he walked over and hugged her.

"I'll be back before you know it. Try to get some more sleep."

He left the suite, locked the behind him, and started for the head of maintenance's office in the far wing of Mathews Hall. Luck was with him because Dean Harris was in Neil's office, too.

"Nick Hammond," Rob Harris said, extending his hand in greeting. Nick shook it. "Just the young man I was hoping to see."

"Good morning, Rob, Neil."

"Doesn't look like a good morning," Neil remarked. "You look like hell, Nick."

"I've certainly been better."

"Jeff tells me Beth was attacked in her room last night," the dean said. He inclined his head toward Nick's right arm. "How bad?"

"Partially dislocated my shoulder," Nick replied. "Could've been worse."

"Can you give me a _little_ more about what happened last night? Like how you got involved?"

How much could he tell the dean without revealing that Beth had been raped? His temper flared again, but he subdued it. he'd tell as much as he could; there was no other choice. He described everything from leaving Beth in her room just after ten to knocking the door off its hinges.

"Then what happened?"

"That's the part I can't tell you."

"I think it's safe to assume, judging by the cuts on your face and knuckles, that you intervened, which means you saw the attacker."

He nodded.

"And no one else heard _any_ of this?"

"I don't know if anyone was back in the dorms yet, but I would think _someone_ should have been by then. It happened a little after eleven. After, we went to the hospital, and then—"

"You went to the hospital? Why?"

"Well, for one thing..." Nick gestured to his right arm. "...this."

"Was that all?"

Nick shook his head but said nothing else.

"I need to know more than that," Rob said. "I need to make sure that the students on this campus are safe."

"I understand that, but I can't push Beth to reveal what happened. She's already been through enough." Shifting his weight, Nick abruptly changed the subject before Dean Harris could further question him. "I'll pay whatever fines for the door."

"That won't be necessary. Given the circumstances, I'd say you didn't have much choice."

"You believe me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" The dean laid his hand on Nick's uninjured shoulder and squeezed. "You've always been a stand-up kid, and I have no reason to doubt what you say is the absolute—if incomplete—truth. I'm glad you were there last night."

"Me, too." Nick didn't add that he wished he could have been there sooner. Instead, he politely excused himself. "I need to go break the news to Coach Tanner."

He left Neil's office and headed toward the coach's office on the opposite corner of the small campus. One benefit to attending such a small university that he had an entirely new appreciation for was that students were students and not numbers. For one, he knew Dean Harris well enough that Rob hadn't questioned him too deeply and had taken him at his word. For another, on any other campus, he'd probably have to pay for the door regardless of the reason he'd damaged it.

Coach Tanner was, for once, in his office. He smiled when he saw Nick standing in the doorway, but it evaporated a heartbeat later when he noticed the sling. "Ah, damn. First, what happened? Second, how long are you going to be out?"

"I got into a fight, and I'll be out the rest of the season because I'm quitting football."

"You don't get into fights. And what's this about quitting? How bad is it?"

"The shoulder's not bad," Nick replied and explained the damage.

"Well, hell, you'll be back in top shape in six weeks. Eight tops."

"That's not why I'm quitting. I can't play on the same team with a certain individual anymore. Not after what he did last night."

"Which player?"

"I imagine you'll figure it out when you see him at practice this afternoon, if you don't see him before."

"Please don't quit, Nick."

"I don't really have a choice." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Coach Tanner. I really am."

He left abruptly, hating the feeling that he was letting his coach down, and went about securing assignments for his and Beth's classes. Every professor he talked to asked the same questions, made the same disbelieving comments about his explanation for the sling and cuts, and offered sympathy and well wishes for Beth, who he said was simply not feeling well. It was the truth, but it felt like a lie. It was going to feel even worse when it was Michelle asking those questions.

Working out less evasive answers occupied his mind all the way to her room on the third floor of Mathews Hall at the very end of the wing farthest from his dorm.

He knocked on her door. "It's Nick."

"Come on in, babe!" she answered.

He turned the knob, disturbed that it was unlocked. Shaking it off—everything was the same in her world as it had been yesterday morning even if it wasn't in his—he stepped inside and pulled the door closed behind him. It took a conscious effort not to turn the latch on the lock.

She had her back to him, tidying up her room. "Don't you have a class right now?" she asked.

"I skipped it," he replied.

He glanced up at the gables over her windows, his favorite feature of her room. They made it so much more interesting than the rest of the boring rectangular rooms on campus.

"I didn't know you _ever_ skipped classes." Satisfied that her room was in order, she at last turned to face him. Shock widened her eyes. "Good lord, what happened?"

"If only you knew how many times I have answered that question already today," he murmured, tilting his head to kiss her.

The emotional roller coaster and sleepless hours caught up with him, and he sank onto the corner of her bed, unable to stand any longer. She sat beside him with a frown pinching her brows. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around him. One-armed, he hugged her back and let out a ragged sigh. When she combed her fingers back through his hair, he let his eyes slide closed. For the first time in hours, his mind was devoid of almost everything but Michelle's gentle caresses and a vague guilt for indulging himself with his girlfriend for even a handful of moments while Beth sat alone and scared in his room.

"Are you going to tell me?" she asked after a moment. "When I called you last night, you were safe and sound in the dorms."

"At that point, I was."

"Nick, I'm not kidding. What the hell happened to you?"

He struggled to pull his thoughts together in something that resembled a coherent explanation, but his mind was foggy. "I got into a fight with Trey."

"Christ. Why?"

"Beth."

Michelle sat back abruptly, eyes wide with shock and betrayal, and he cursed his inability to articulate. Why wouldn't the words cooperate? The whole scene was there, ablaze at the forefront of his mind, sending waves of bitterness crashing through him.

He was exhausted. That had to be it.

Shaking his head, he said, "It's not how that sounded."

"Then how is it?"

"She and Trey broke up, and she needed a friend and someplace safe last night, so she stayed with me."

"She _what_?"

He dropped his head into his hand, then scrubbed his fingers through his hair, fighting to find the right words to alleviate her worry. He could hardly fault her for jumping to the wrong conclusion.

He trembled, teetering too close the cliff's edge, and if he wasn't careful, he'd be pulled into the swirling tide of anger and despair again. For several long minutes, he didn't respond, and gradually, Michelle's outrage shifted back toward worry.

"Have I ever—even _once_ —given you any reason to doubt my loyalty or my commitment to you?"

She hesitated, then shook her head. "No. You haven't," she replied softly.

"I need you to trust me now. What happened last night was terrible. It's going to take Beth a long time to recover from it, and I need to be there for my friend."

At last, Nick thought he'd found the right words. Michelle studied him for a while, frowning. Finally, she took a deep breath. Then the tension eased out of her body. "Why did she and Trey break up?"

"I can't say. But it was bad. Worse than...." He shook his head, unable to say the words out loud, certain that doing so would bring the whole despicable scene crashing back into the forefront of his mind. _It was worse than anything I've ever experienced_.

"And you felt the need to get into a fist fight with him over it?"

"Yes."

"How bad is the arm?"

After he explained the prognosis, she offered him a faint smile of relief.

"That's not so bad. It'll fly by. But please tell me he looks worse than you."

"I don't really know. I haven't seen him since I left him half-conscious on Beth's floor."

"What did he do to make _you_ do that? I mean, you're Mr. Mellow."

"Can you accept that he deserved it? Because I really can't say any more than that."

"I suppose I'll have to."

Nick hugged her again. "I'm sorry, Michelle."

"For what?"

"That I can't be more open with you about this."

"I suppose it's really none of my business. And besides, if I were in her position—whatever that is—I'd be glad to have a friend like you there to pull me back up."

She leaned back in his embrace and took his face in her hands, then kissed each cheek before claiming his mouth. He couldn't say if she was trying to remind him that he was hers—and not Beth's—or if she was simply attempting to distract him from his troublesome thoughts. Either way, he appreciated it. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, almost begging her to help him forget everything that had happened last night, but the moment desire ignited, guilt put it in check. He'd told Beth he'd be back in an hour or two, and it had already been almost three.

"I need to go check on her," he murmured. "To be continued?"

"You bet," she replied. "Maybe tonight, if Beth is feeling all right."

"You're on. And you're amazing, you know that?"

"Don't you forget it."

"Impossible."

When he returned to his dorm, Beth was still on the couch, asleep. Relief saturated his brain. As he opened his mini-fridge to pull his ice pack out of its tiny freezer, he noticed the shirt he'd worn last night sitting on top where Beth had left it. When he picked it up to toss it in his laundry hamper, a small box tumbled to the floor. He stooped to pick it up and glanced at the label. Curious, he skimmed the label and pulled the foil-backed plastic tray out. One pill was already gone, and there was only one other.

_Emergency contraception,_ he thought dumbly, frowning as comprehension evaded him.

Then it hit him.

Thoughts ransacked Nick's mind of Beth pregnant, of having her body subjected to further violation, and of watching her struggle to bond with a child that would remind her every day for the rest of her life of the pain and terror she'd already survived. Quivering with a rage stronger than any that had ever consumed him, he slid to the floor. With his back against the mini-fridge, he balled his free hand into a fist and fought the seething desire to hunt Trey down and beat him until he was unrecognizable.

_If these don't work,_ he vowed, glancing at the box still clutched in his hand, _I will bury him._

To subvert those foreign and disturbing impulses, he forced himself to read the instructions. When he skimmed over the rest of the information provided, he was relieved to note the high effectiveness rate. Rage gave way to grief, and he pinched his eyes closed to keep it all locked inside so he didn't wake Beth. He concentrated on his breathing and prayed nothing more would come of the rape, and bit by bit, he was able to regain control of himself.

"Nick?"

He opened his eyes and turned his head toward the sound of her frightened voice. She stood close by still wearing his flannel with her arms folded tightly around herself.

"What's wrong?" she asked when he said nothing.

He shook his head, unable to explain his thoughts even if he were willing to trouble her with them, and held up the box. "When did you take the first one?"

"At the hospital, so I guess around two this morning."

"So you'll need to take the second an hour or two after lunch."

She nodded, and he cursed under his breath as she bit her lip and her eyes again filled. He held his arm out in invitation, and she sat on the floor beside him, curled into his side.

"I'm scared," She murmured. "I can't have a baby. Not like this. What if—"

"Don't think like that, Beth. Everything will be fine," he replied, unsure if he was trying to reassure her or himself. "Everything will be all right."

Time passed outside of their notice, but eventually, the increasing ache in his shoulder drove him off the floor. He helped Beth up and grabbed his ice pack out of the freezer before joining her on the couch. Exhaustion settled over him, and he barely stayed awake long enough to finish icing his shoulder. He glanced at Beth. She was asleep again, so he returned his ice pack to the freezer, headed into his bedroom, set his alarm to wake him up for lunch and to make sure Beth took the second pill on time, and crashed on his bed. This time, he was finally worn down enough that he greeted sleep like a long lost friend, eagerly and gratefully.

# Five

Beth waited impatiently on Nick's couch while he stood in the hallway and talked with his girlfriend, wishing they could just head out to Northstar already. True, she could have left last night, but Nick had had hall patrol until midnight last night—a regular part of his RA duties—and the thought of facing her family without him there to support her had terrified her enough that she had decided to wait. At any rate, they hadn't told either her parents or his that he wasn't playing football anymore, and neither family was expecting them until later today. Saturday. Had it already been three days? Or _only_ three days?

Neil Ericksen had repaired her door Thursday morning, but she hadn't been able to stay in her room for more than five minutes. Fear of Trey returning, more so even than the memory of Wednesday night, had so consumed her that she had spent most of her time hiding in Nick's room. She felt guilty for letting him take the brunt of the inquiries about her, but she couldn't face anyone yet. Not when the bruises and friction burns were still so vivid. She tugged on the sleeves of her long-sleeved T-shirt to cover her wrists.

"Are you sure you don't want to come out to the ranch?" Nick was asking Michelle.

"I should go home and visit my folks since it's a long weekend," his girlfriend replied. "Besides, I already told them I was coming."

"All right. Tell them hi for me."

"I will."

Beth folded her arms across her chest and drummed her fingers as jealousy trickled. It was followed quickly by self-loathing. Nick had spent nearly every waking hour with her since Trey's assault, and his girlfriend had been nothing but understanding and surprisingly supportive without knowing exactly why. Beth knew she should expect nothing less of Nick than to reassure Michelle of his devotion, but right now, she didn't want to share him with anyone, least of all his tall, beautiful, and entirely too self-assured girlfriend.

When Nick leaned in to kiss Michelle, Beth had to avert her gaze. Why did it bother her so much? She'd seen them kiss at least half a dozen times during their double date with her and Trey, and it hadn't annoyed her then.

She rolled her shoulders to work out some of the tension that had gathered. They couldn't get out to Northstar fast enough, and yet... the idea of opening up about the rape even to her family, who she knew would support her, overwhelmed her.

_Can't stay here, but afraid to go home._

"Beth? Are you ready to head out?" Nick asked.

She was shocked to see him standing in front of her. When had Michelle left?

"Y-yeah," she stammered. "I am."

"You all right?"

"I was just thinking about telling my parents about the...."

He waited almost half a minute before he finished her sentence. "About the rape."

"Why can't I say it?"

"I don't know, but I think you're giving the word too much power." He held out his hand and helped her up. She tripped over her own feet and crashed into him, accidentally grabbing his injured shoulder to steady herself. He grimaced.

"I'm sorry, Nick. I didn't.... How is your shoulder?"

"It's fine."

"I mean, how was your shoulder _before_ I hit it?"

"About the same as it was when you asked an hour ago. I appreciate your concern, but would you please stop killing yourself over it? I'll be fine. Honestly, Beth, it's not that bad."

"I'm sorry."

"And stop apologizing. I've heard 'I'm sorry' so many times that I would honestly prefer a hearty 'screw you' right now."

"Fine. Screw you."

"Better. Thank you." He gave her another one-armed hug and pushed her toward the door. "Let's get going, shall we?"

The drive out to Northstar was blissful. Nick followed her in his truck, and she cranked her music. For forty-five minutes, she was able to pretend that nothing had happened on Wednesday and that she was heading home for a weekend filled with ranch work, horseback riding, and plenty of laughter with her family. By the time she turned off the main highway and onto the Northstar Mountains Scenic Byway, she was wishing she had thought to go for a drive before now.

That good feeling vanished, however, when she pulled up in front of her parents' house on her family's ranch and stared at the two-story house with its wrap-around porch, silvered wood siding, and deep red trim with conflicting feelings of relief and trepidation. How on earth was she going to tell her parents and her brother that she'd been raped? That Trey, whom her father adored, was not the brilliant star or devoted boyfriend they all believed?

A knock on her window drew her attention away, and she saw Nick standing outside her door.

"You coming or what?" he asked.

"Yeah. Just... give me a minute."

With nervousness quivering through her, she finally turned her car off and opened her door. Nick was there, just like he had been for the last three days, waiting to assist her however she needed. She truly was blessed, she thought, to have a friend like him to help her through this. He was so caring and compassionate, and though she knew he felt she needed to talk about the rape and report it, he hadn't pushed her.

It couldn't be easy on him. His innate honesty bucked against what probably felt like a deception to him, and that made her appreciate him all the more. Maybe _that_ was at the root of her sudden envy of Michelle. If she'd found someone more like Nick to date.... She shook her head, unable to finish the thought. Thinking like that wasn't going to make this any easier. Standing straighter, she walked up to the house.

"Beth, honey, what are you doing home?" her mother greeted as soon as Beth stepped through the front door. "I thought you weren't coming home this weekend. And isn't there a football game today?"

"Yes, but I didn't go." Beth glanced behind her at Nick, who was just entering.

"Why not?"

"Well, this is one reason," Nick replied, gesturing to his shoulder.

Natalie Carlyle gasped and stepped over to him. With the depth of concern she reserved only for people she genuinely cared about, Beth's mother gently took his chin and turned his head so she could inspect the cut on his cheek. Before she could ask what had happened, Nick assured her with his usual charming smile in place that it wasn't bad as bad as it looked.

Beth couldn't help but notice the mild exasperation in his voice. How many times in the past few days had he been asked that question and the others that undoubtedly came with it?

_No, it's not as bad as it looks._ She scowled. _It's way worse._

"As to what happened," Nick added, "that's something Beth needs to tell you."

Her mother frowned. "What does my daughter have to do with your injury?"

"He got it fighting with Trey." Before her mother could ask anything else, Beth gestured toward the living room, suddenly wearied. She needed to sit while she told it. If she could.

Her father and brother strolled in before she could tell her mother, and with her courage waning quickly, she wished they had stayed outside just a little longer. A lump of tears and anger and fear lodged itself firmly in her throat, and try as she might, she couldn't seem to clear it. Her family watched her expectantly. Concern, confusion, and doubt ruled their expressions.

"Why did Nick and Trey fight?" her mother finally prodded. "Beth...?"

"Because...." She cleared her throat and tried again. "Trey...."

"Start from the beginning," Nick suggested gently. "Maybe that will help."

"Wednesday, Nick and his girlfriend and Trey and I all went out on a double date so I could get to know Michelle." There, that wasn't so hard. "We had dinner, went out dancing at the Club Bar. Darryl was there, and he and Trey got into a pretty heated game of pool.... And they got to talking about me, I guess."

She choked on that part, still unable to believe Darryl had said those things about her, especially since he'd been the one to end it. Had it been nothing more than macho bragging or had she done something to make him hate her so much he'd spur Trey on with lies?

"Beth and I had homework to get to, and since Trey was still playing pool and Michelle wanted to stay out with her friends," Nick supplied, "Beth walked home with me."

"We made plans to get together a little while later to go over our papers for Rodnick's class. I'd almost finished my first draft when Trey came back from the bar—he and I were supposed to get started on our project for a different class. He didn't want to work on it." With her eyes burning and her breath coming too fast, she had to pause to take a deep breath. "Trey told me that Darryl said I'd slept with him, that I liked it rough.... And then he said that he thought my decision to wait was a lie."

She couldn't do it. Panic clawed at her, and her heart beat erratically in her chest as the memories swirled around her. The tears started falling, and she hugged herself, shaking and fighting for breath as she realized she couldn't reveal the rest of what had happened because it still terrified her to even recall it within the privacy of her own mind.

"We're done," she croaked.

"Who's done?" her mother asked in the same soothing voice she'd used when Beth was a small girl with a skinned knee.

"T-trey and me. We're d-done. Over."

She hated her stuttering mouth for failing her, hated herself for not being able to hold back the tears long enough to get out even that simple and uninformative explanation, and hated Trey for his barbarity. She gave herself a moment to relax and tried to say something more, but nothing came out.

Shaking her head, she stood. "I can't do it, Nick. I'm sorry."

With his elbow braced on his knee, he dropped his head in defeat. The disappointment in his posture was as clear as if he'd expressed it out loud. Choking back more tears, Beth turned and escaped out to the porch. She tipped her head back and tried to draw a deep breath to ward off the panic, feeling Trey's hands on her again and hearing the viciousness in his voice.

"What happened, Nick?" she heard her father ask. "What isn't she telling us?"

A small part of her—the part that loathed Trey and understood fully that he was solely responsible for his actions and that she had done nothing to provoke him—wished Nick would just tell her parents the truth, but she was relieved when he didn't. At first, he didn't respond at all.

"You know," her father said. "You fought with him, so you I _know_ you know. What did he do?"

"I can't tell you that. Beth needs to do it herself in order to start putting it behind her. Please excuse me."

A moment later, he joined her at the railing of the porch and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. That simple gesture gave her the sense of safety she needed to conquer the hysteria, and she leaned into him. She could honestly say she'd never felt so close to him, and they'd been good friends for a long, long time. Was it simply because he'd been the brilliant ray of hope in her darkest moment or was it something else entirely? Recalling the sparks of jealousy whenever his attention was diverted to Michelle—where it _should_ be, she reminded herself—she was conflicted. Nick was her friend. A much closer friend now than ever, but that was all.

Her head was beginning to pound, so she buried all the uncertainty and fear again because it was easier to wish none of it had happened than to accept that it had.

"It was too soon," Nick murmured after a while. "I was afraid of that, but I hoped...."

"What if I can't ever tell them?"

"You'll find a way. When you've had more time to accept what happened."

"I don't deserve you," Beth whispered to herself.

She didn't expect an answer—in fact, hoped Nick hadn't heard because she knew he'd think he was failing her somehow. But he did.

"Yes, you do," he whispered. A moment later, he said, "You haven't told me what Trey said to you about his talk with Darryl."

"I've tried not to think about it, but you're right. I should have told you. I'm sorry."

"I thought I told you I was sick of you apologizing."

He lowered his head to kiss her cheek, and she was unsettled when she felt the gentle patience leave him. When had she become so attuned to even the subtlest cues of his body? He straightened and relaxed the arm around her, though he didn't let her go entirely.

When he spoke again, the tenderness was gone, replaced by a subtle demand. "Now that you've had a few minutes to fall apart again, it's time to get over it and pull yourself back together."

His words had the intended effect. Annoyed by his almost derisive tone, she pushed away from him with defiance burning away the lingering traces of anxiety. This wasn't the first time he'd switched gears from gentle compassion to firm command, and as before, it was exactly what she needed. Just like when they danced, he knew how she was going to move before she took the next step.

She braced her arms on the porch railing and let her gaze wander out across the valley that had been her home all her twenty-one years. The C-Diamond's pastures and hayfields stretched over several thousand acres from north to south on the west side of the valley. With its speckling of black and red angus, it was her heaven. The Lazy H—Nick's family's ranch—sprawled over much of the opposite side of the valley, backed by the heavily forested foothills and tall granite peaks of the eastern Northstar Mountains. The deep and soothing peace of this quiet ranching community embraced her, and she closed her eyes to take in the soft sighing of the wind, the distant calls of the cows to their calves, and the singing of the meadowlarks and other birds. Drawing the blissful scents of sagebrush, fresh-cut hay, pine, and earth deep into her lungs and letting it out slowly, she opened her eyes again.

"I want to just stay here," Beth murmured.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I want to quit school. How can I go back if I can't even tell my parents that I was...?" She shook her head and gave a humorless sniff of laughter. "Still can't say it. If I can't do that, how will I ever be able to face Trey? And if I go back, I'll have to see him every day. See him and remember...."

"You have to go back, Beth. I know you're afraid of him, but you can't let that fear control you. You've already put in three years and too much work to give up now. You can't let him take that away from you, too. He's already taken too much." He ducked down to bring his face level with hers. When she lowered her gaze, he slid his hand under her chin and gently tipped her face up again. "Promise me, Beth. Promise me you won't let him take anything more away from you."

The concern and hope and faith in his blue eyes stopped her immediate and self-destructive response. Meeting that gaze head on, she couldn't utter the words, _I can't_. So she didn't.

"I'll try."

A brief smile of relief flickered across his features. "That'll have to do for now."

By the following evening, the general consensus in Northstar was that Beth and Trey had simply broken up. The story of why varied from a heated argument during which Trey had said something to cause Nick to punch him to infidelity on Trey's part. Nick snorted. He _wished_ either of those were true. Only once had he heard someone implicate _him_ as the reason they'd broken up—from Beth's high-school-aged, drama-loving cousin, Helen—and he'd squashed that rumor immediately, assuring everyone that he and Michelle were still very much together.

Nick had volunteered to help his brothers wash the dishes after dinner, but to his everlasting surprise, they declined his offer.

"You've got a damaged wing," Aaron teased. "We can handle it."

"And I'm sure I'll owe you for this astonishing generosity later," Nick remarked. "You've got it as long as 'it' doesn't entail me buying you alcohol."

"Told you he'd figure us out," Henry muttered.

"You've got two years left, boys, and I know you find this hard to believe, but patience _is_ an admirable quality to have." He hesitated a moment, then added, "Thanks for not telling Mom and Dad about this whole Trey-Beth-me thing before I could."

"We didn't figure you'd appreciate us blabbing," Aaron replied. "Wish you'd tell _us_ what really happened, though."

"I wish I could. Give it time, and maybe Beth will be able to talk about it. Until then...."

"Yeah, yeah, we know," Henry retorted. "It's not yours to tell."

Nick clapped him on the shoulder with a grateful smile. His brothers might be hellions from time to time, but at other times, like now, they showed him the strong sense of loyalty and maturity that made him believe they'd turn out to be good men when they were ready to leave behind the last vestiges of adolescence.

Free of dishwashing duty, he headed out to the yard where his parents were still lounging at the picnic table and enjoying the pleasant evening. For a while, they were content to enjoy the silence, but inevitably, the topic of what had happened Wednesday night was broached.

"So, what's the story behind your shoulder?" his father asked. "And don't try brushing us off and telling us again not to worry about it. Old Matt told me you got into a fistfight with Trey."

Nick eyed his parents. Of course Beth's father, Matt Jr., had told _his_ father, and of course Old Matt had in turn told Nick's father. The patriarchs of the C-Diamond and Lazy H ranches were a pair of old gossips. Finally, Nick resigned himself to repeating the broken-record routine and sighed. "Yes, I got into a fight with Trey, but it wasn't the big brawl everyone thinks it was. He hit me a couple times, and I hit him a couple times. It was over in seconds."

"Bullshit, Nick. You don't dislocate your goddamned shoulder with just a couple of punches."

"By the time he hit me, my shoulder was already dislocated."

His father clenched his jaw and glared at him. Nick held his gaze with a silent plea, willing his father to understand. He had never in his life done anything to disappoint his parents, and he loathed leaving them with nothing to go on now, thinking that he'd thrown everything they'd taught him about right actions out the window when he'd actually done exactly what they would have expected him to do. After several minutes ticked away in tense silence, John's shoulders fell and the anger left him in a sigh.

"Who started it?" he asked.

"Trey did."

"You're sure of that?"

"I may have hit first when I drove him into the wall, but he _definitely_ started it."

"That doesn't make any sense. How can he have started it if you hit first? I'm not talking about whatever he _said_ to start the fight. I'm asking who started the physical part of it."

"He did. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but I can't tell you anything that _will_ make sense."

His father looked away, turning his attention out over the vast pastures and hayfields of their ranch. Nick observed him for a while, watching the muscle in his sire's jaw work with a mixture of regret and restless anger.

"I'm sorry," he said after a while. "I know it seems like I've ignored everything you've taught me about being a good man, but I promise you I haven't. I need you to trust me and to understand that I did the only thing I could to keep Beth from being hurt worse."

"Did you have anything to do with Trey and Beth breaking up?" Tracie inquired.

His mother's tone wasn't remotely accusatory, but he bristled at her choice of words.

"I've watched the two of you this weekend," she continued. "You hover around her, ready to jump to her side if she shows the tiniest sign of strain, and she looks at you like—I don't know—like you're her anchor. You've always been close, but something's different."

"I didn't do anything scandalous, if that's what you mean," he retorted. He took a deep breath to subdue the rising agitation.

"I wasn't suggesting you did, honey. But something has changed. _You've_ changed. I don't think you've ever been so defensive or evasive... almost defiant. I know you and Trey were heading in different directions, but I never would have imagined you'd get into a fight with him."

"Neither would I, but believe me, Mom, I should have hit him a lot harder than I did."

Tracie and John both regarded him with shock and consternation.

"We raised you better than that," his father said, his voice trembling with the effort it took to keep a tight rein on his temper.

"Yes, you did. And that's why I did what I did."

"What the hell happened, Nick?" John asked, clearly distressed despite his efforts to maintain his composure.

Nick growled. "I've told you again and again. I can't tell you. Beth wants to just forget it happened."

His mother shook her head sadly. "I don't understand any of this, and I'm worried about you. I've never seen you like this. Where is my easygoing, unflappable Nick?"

"He's being the best friend he can be to someone who really needs one right now."

He pushed to his feet and stalked away toward the corral behind his parents' house. Perched on the rails, he watched the four-year-old bay quarter horse stallion within strut arrogantly around the enclosure. The animal was the product of champion cutting and roping bloodlines, and John had bought him with the hopes of starting their own line with him, but the beast was temperamental at best, downright mean at worst. So far, Nick was the only one who'd been able to ride him.

"What are you all worked up about, Remington?" he asked. "You've got the life, bubba, whether you know it or not. You don't have to worry about anyone attacking you or unbalancing your whole life, and you've got at least a dozen mares who think you're hot stuff."

The horse snorted and walked over, stopping just out of Nick's reach. With his ears forward and alert, he was absolutely beautiful, a perfect embodiment of his breed. Nick stretched out his hand, and Remington took another step forward to press his velvety nose into Nick's palm.

"All that posturing is just for show, isn't it, Rem," Nick murmured. "Unlike Trey. And you knew it, too, didn't you. That's why you bucked him off this summer."

Remington tossed his head as if to agree.

Nick rubbed his hand over his face. Maybe he hadn't been the victim of the assault, but it was affecting him just as surely as it was Beth. His parents were right. He wasn't himself right now. The constant strain and anger was wearing on him, and he hadn't slept more than a handful of hours since before Trey had so thoroughly revealed exactly what breed of thoughtless, savage asshole he was.

His mother joined him on the corral fence.

"What's going on with you?" she asked. "I'm really worried."

"You're right to be," he murmured. "I still want to hit him, Mom. I want to hurt him so badly he'll never come near Beth again."

"Why, Nick?"

"Because of how badly he hurt her."

"Broken hearts heal, honey. I know she's never really had hers broken before, so I suppose I understand some of what you're feeling. She's your best friend, and you've always had a strong need to protect those you care about." She paused. "I'm sure Henry and Aaron would have gotten into a lot more trouble if you weren't always looking out for them. Give it time, and she'll get over him."

"I'm not sure she'll ever get over it," he said quietly. "But I get what you're saying, Mom. And you're right about me needing to protect her. I'm sorry I'm being such a jackass right now."

"You're not." Tracie patted his sore shoulder reassuringly and immediately apologized when he grunted. "Oh, honey, I didn't think."

"It's all right. It's really not _that_ bad, but it still twinges pretty good when I bump it."

"I hope whatever Trey said or did is worth the pain."

"It is," he assured her. _And I'd take_ much _worse if I could go back and stop him from raping her_.

He clenched his hands into fists again, assaulted by the what-ifs. What if his printer hadn't jammed? What if, when Beth had asked him if he though she should break up with Trey, he'd said yes instead of giving an answer that had pacified her misgivings? What if he'd finished his paper just a few minutes earlier? What if he hadn't had his radio on? He might have heard Beth's first scream and might have reacted soon enough to stop Trey. What if... what if... what it....

His mother raked her fingers through his hair, then turned his face toward her to examine the cut and bruise on his cheek. Satisfied that it was healing, she pulled his head down to her shoulder and went back to combing her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and let her mother him, knowing she needed it as much as he did. It amazed him how such a simple gesture could be so powerful, and he exhaled slowly, imagining his worries leaving his body with his breath if only for a little while.

"You haven't let me do this since you were a boy," his mother murmured. "So I know you're stressed. Your father loves you, and he'll come around when he has time to process this."

"I know he loves me, Mom. And I don't blame him for reacting the way he did. Honestly, he wasn't as hard on me as I figured he would be. I wish I could tell you exactly what happened." He pinched his eyes more tightly closed as the reality of it hit him again. "No, I don't wish I could tell you what happened. I wish I had gotten there earlier. I wish it hadn't happened at all."

"Oh, honey," Tracie murmured. "Shh."

She rubbed his back, and he shuddered. Weariness and grief weighed him down, and he almost expected the fence rails to break beneath him.

"My poor boy. You're exhausted. When was the last time you got any decent sleep?"

"Tuesday night," he replied listlessly.

"I know it's early yet, but why don't you go inside, take a hot shower, and go to bed?"

He nodded and reluctantly sat upright again. A shower and bed sounded delightful, and perhaps, with the peace of the Northstar Valley surrounding him, he might finally be able to snag a few hours of dreamless sleep.

Tracie hugged him tightly, mindful of his shoulder, and whispered, "I love you."

# Six

After a weekend in Northstar with her family away from everything that reminded her of Trey and what he'd done, Beth felt she might be able to keep the nightmares and the equally debilitating numbness at bay. By the time she and Nick and Aaron and Henry had headed back to campus late Monday evening after the Devyn Labor Day Rodeo, she felt almost like her old, cheerful self. For three days, she had been able to push what Trey had done to the back of her mind, and though she'd dreamed of it each night and hadn't been able to fully give herself to the laughter and enjoyment of her family, neither had she been incapacitated by the memory as she had at first. She hadn't worked up the courage to tell her family yet, but each day, she felt stronger than the last, and she had left her parents and brother at the fairgrounds feeling like she would be able to tell them before too much longer. She also believed she'd be able to ease back into her school routine this week.

As soon as she parked on the street beside Mathews Hall and shut the engine down, she realized how thoroughly wrong she'd been to think that. Panic seized her, wrapping her in the constricting grip of a waking nightmare. She felt Trey's hands on her again, grasping her arms with bruising strength and ferocity, and the same shattering helplessness consumed her again. She couldn't breathe, and as she fought to pull herself out of it, she let out a series of high, gasping whines.

Her car door popped open, and Nick leaned in, wrapping his good arm tightly around her and murmuring soothing entreaties. She latched on to him, sobbing with relief as his presence drove away the memory of Trey's assault. Too quickly, however, a dark and unfeeling numbness descended on her, erasing everything... even the gratitude for Nick's patient embrace. There was nothing, just a vast, cold void.

Vaguely, she was aware that Nick awkwardly maneuvered her out of her car and supported her with his arm firmly around her ribs as he walked her to the bench outside the northwest door of Mathews Hall. Tears spilled down her cheeks silently and unfelt as her eyes took in the towering pines, spruces, and white poplars that dotted the expansive lawn that was the northwest corner of the university's campus without comprehension of what she was seeing.

"You're scaring the hell out of me, Beth," Nick whispered, stroking his hand over her shoulder. "Come on, sweetheart, talk to me."

"I can't feel anything," she heard herself say.

As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized she did feel something. Terror. Because instinctively she knew this senselessness was dangerous. Hysteria threatened, and she jerked her face toward Nick's, taking in the familiar angles and features, and as soon as her gaze reached his kind blue eyes, the rising fear immediately abated. She took several deep breaths while he waited for her to explain.

"I-I don't want to feel that nothingness ever again," she stammered. "I can't give in to it because I might never come out of it again if I do. I'd rather feel the pain than that."

She closed her eyes and leaned against him. Slowly, the hysteria and terror drained away as other, more pleasant emotions filled the void.

"I think it's a good sign that you don't want to wrap that oblivion around yourself," Nick said gently. "It means you're healing... if only just a little. One step at a time. Maybe if we can get you back into your regular routine, that'll give you something to hold on to when you just want to feel nothing again."

She didn't say it, but she already had something to hold on to that was much more powerful than routine—Nick. Still, she knew he was right, and promised him again that she'd try her best to reclaim her life. It was too soon to try living in her room again, and she knew she'd been foolish to believe she could. So, she asked to spend another night on his couch, and he agreed it was probably best.

Thoughts of how she was going to return to her routine when she couldn't even return to campus without breaking down occupied her evening. She had homework to do, but she couldn't focus on it, so while Nick worked on his, she sat on his couch and watched a movie without paying any attention to what was happening in it. It should be so simple to walk into her classes, but it seemed like a monumental task.

"I don't know how to do it," she murmured as she lay on Nick's couch and stared at the ceiling dimly lit by the orange lamps outside long after he had gone to bed. "But I promised Nick I'd try, so I will."

The next morning, just a scant few hours after exhaustion had finally muted her thoughts enough for sleep to reliever her, that promise verged on becoming a lie when she walked with Nick into the elegant red brick, turreted building that was Main Hall fifteen minutes before her first class of the day. As she ascended the stairs to the first floor hall, she glanced around nervously, bracing herself to see Trey. When they reached the hall, it was empty. Beth let out the breath she'd been holding.

"See?" Nick asked. "You'll be just fine."

She smiled, feeling silly for her anxiousness. "You don't have to be right _all_ the time, you know."

"I'll see you in an hour and a half?"

"Do you have to leave?"

"I'm sorry, but I do. I have my own class to get to. Remember? I'll be just down the hall."

Inhaling deeply, she took a step toward the classroom and froze. Trey strolled down the hall from the stairs she and Nick had climbed just moments ago. He hadn't seen her yet, but fright gripped her as a confusion of emotions boiled through her—disgust, hatred, shame, and grief. His face was a mess of rainbow-hued bruises and cuts. His lower lip was healing after being split open, and it looked like his nose might have been broken, blackening both of his eyes. Somewhere deep in her mind, Beth wondered if Nick had done that or if she had when she'd slammed the back of her head into his nose. Either way, she couldn't bring herself to feel sorry about it. She shivered and took a step behind Nick when Trey looked up. Trey stopped abruptly when their gazes met, and she hoped he would turn around and leave again. No luck. After a moment of indecision, he continued forward with his usual cocky grin firmly in place. Nick stood rigid.

"Hey, babe," Trey greeted her brightly. To Nick he said nothing, but when he glanced at his former teammate, his grin evaporated.

"How dare you call her that," Nick said, low and deadly.

"Mind your own damned business, Hammond."

"She _is_ my business. Don't talk to her. Don't even look at her."

"I'll do what I want. She's my girlfriend."

"Not anymore. Or did you not get that message clearly enough on Wednesday night?"

Beth tore her gaze away from Trey and realized several other students and two professors had approached, drawn by the tense standoff and listening intently to every word uttered. She edged a little farther behind Nick, who didn't seem to notice any more than Trey did that they had an audience.

"Stay away from her, Trey," he said with chilling calm.

"Or you'll what? Kick my ass?"

"Just stay away from her."

Finally, Trey noticed the small crowd. With a shrug, he said, "Fine. Whatever. She's nothing but a cheap—"

"Don't finish that statement," Nick growled. "Just walk away."

To Beth's surprise, Trey obeyed, though fury stiffened his gait as he stalked away. Relief trembled through her, and she had to grab Nick's shoulder to steady herself.

"Good thing it's starting to feel almost normal again," he murmured.

She hastily apologized, but he laughingly told her not to worry about it, and she realized he'd made the comment to take her mind off Trey. They stood out in the hall for a few minutes longer, and the crowd dissolved as students got bored and headed to their classes.

One student lingered, and Beth vaguely recognized him as one of Nick's regular study partners.

"What's going on between you and Trey, man?" the student asked. "I've never seen him back down like that."

"It's none of your business, Tad. Not trying to be rude, but...."

Tad lifted his hands. "Sorry I asked. Jeez. Trey musta really effed up to piss _you_ off that bad."

"You could say that. Beth, I'll see you after class, all right?"

She nodded and unwillingly left his side to walk into the classroom. Glancing out the door, she watched Nick start toward his class with Tad walking silently beside him. With a sigh and one last wish she didn't have to face her class alone, she made her way to a desk apart from the students who had already ventured into the room. Curious stares greeted her from those who had been out in the hall, and she did her best to ignore them.

When she walked out of the class at its close, she wondered what the point had been of going. She hadn't been able to focus on anything the professor said and had sat in her desk and spent the entire ninety-minute period fighting off nerves and the more terrifying senselessness. During those first days, she had welcomed the unfeeling, thoughtless numbness, but she thought of her weekend at home and her breakdown yesterday and reminded herself that it was dangerous to embrace it. _I'd rather feel the pain and fear than feel nothing at all_ , she chanted.

She hoped her afternoon class—Rodnick's—would go better. With Nick sitting beside her, maybe she'd be able to focus. If she could, tomorrow's shorter, hour-long classes might be a bit easier, and relief trickled through her with the hope that she'd be able to get back into her normal routine. However, it died as soon as she walked herself through her Monday-Wednesday-Friday course schedule. She had Keller's class in the afternoon, and when she thought of having to sit in the same room with Trey, she longed for the numbness. After her run-in with him just an hour and a half ago, she knew she wouldn't be able to do it. Not for a long time. Maybe not ever.

Nick walked her to her next class, which followed immediately after the first, before heading back to his dorm room. He wouldn't be waiting for her at the end of her class because he needed to get some work done. The thought of walking alone terrified her, but Nick was already doing too much for her—making sure she did her schoolwork, supporting her when she'd failed to tell her family that she'd been raped, and devoting much of his time to taking care of her. The only thing she had done for herself, really, was go out and buy a new tape recorder to replace the one she couldn't find. She had searched her dorm as thoroughly as she could in the short time she could tolerate being in there, but with her mind a mess of torturous memories and thoughts, she didn't have a clue where it might have gone.

Beth was ashamed that she had to rely so heavily on Nick. He had become her pillar of strength, but he had his own life to keep in order even as he helped her get hers back on track, and for his sake, she wished she didn't feel like she would break into a million pieces without him.

She had even less chance concentrating in her second class than she did in her first with thoughts of Trey and her class with him gnawing at her. Finally, she gave up and asked her friend and frequent study partner Tara if she could borrow her notes later.

"Are you all right, Beth?" Tara whispered.

"No," Beth said. "No, I'm not."

Somehow, she made it through the rest of the class, vaguely aware that leaving in the middle of it would be both very disrespectful to the professor and breaking her promise to Nick. After her class, she made a detour on her way back to Nick's room. Dr. Keller's office was located on the third floor behind the small auditorium.

"Ah, Ms. Carlyle, I'm glad to see you back in the building," the heavy-set, silver-haired professor remarked when he opened the door at her knock. "You look like you're feeling better, so I hope that means I'll see you in class tomorrow afternoon."

"I... I'm not quite back yet," she stammered. "I need at least a few more days, so I was wondering if I could get the assignments for this week."

"I heard you and Trey broke up. I hope that's not what this is about because a break up is not worth derailing your education."

"No, sir, it's not, but.... Can I please just get the assignments? I'll ask someone for notes."

"When are you coming back to my class?"

"I don't know, Dr. Keller. I'm trying. I am."

He regarded her with his lips twisted in concern, but he reached into a file in his desk drawer and pulled out two assignment sheets. "Make sure you get the notes from someone or you won't be able to do the assignments. Get better soon, all right?"

"Thank you, Dr. Keller."

She headed downstairs, tapping her fingers occasionally against the papers in her hand and wondering if there was any point completing them. There was no way she'd be able to go back to the class, but she couldn't pass it by getting the assignments and notes from someone. And if she failed the class, it would set her graduation back from this coming spring to the following fall because this class was only offered during fall semesters. It was stupid to even consider dropping the class because that didn't solve the problem and would guarantee that she wouldn't graduate on time, but her feet carried her across the small parking lot between Main Hall and the admin building and to the window of the registrar's office.

"What can I help you with?" the young woman on the other side of the counter asked.

"How much longer can I drop a class?"

"You have until the end of this week without it being recorded on your transcript, but you can withdraw with a W on your transcript for two more weeks."

"Thank you."

"Would you like an add-drop form?"

"Um...." Beth chewed on her lip. She didn't have to turn it in, but she may as well pick one up just in case. "Sure."

She added the pale blue sheet to her stack of books and assignments and headed back to Mathews Hall, relieved that she'd be with Nick again in just a few minutes. He'd be able to help her figure out this mess with Dr. Keller's class.

Nick dropped his keys and books on his desk and sank into his chair, then leaned back and dragged his fingers through his hair. He hadn't punched Trey when Beth's ex had nearly called her a cheap whore, so that was good. What wasn't good was that he'd stewed on it all through his class, which meant he hadn't paid the professor as much attention as he should have and had needed to glance at Tad's notes several times to make sure he was on track. He wondered how Beth was doing in her second class because she hadn't looked too steady when he'd walked her to it.

_I can't keep this up_ , he thought. _I can't be everything she needs me to be and keep my own life from disintegrating._

Guilt rushed though him as soon as he thought it, and he chastised himself for being selfishly glad for a little time to himself. At the same time, being away from Beth put him on edge and filled his mind with worry. Those feelings intensified when a knock sounded on his door and he opened it to let Michelle in. Two seconds later, she threaded her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"I missed you this weekend," she murmured against his lips. She leaned back, frowning. "You are really tense, babe. Something wrong?"

"No more than has been wrong since Wednesday night," he replied. "It's just getting harder to deal with it because I need a break from it and because I feel terrible for feeling that way."

Her lips curved. "I think I can help you find a little release."

"Really."

"Mmm-hmm. And find a little of my own as well because I _really_ missed you."

He laughed softly. "I'm beginning to get that impression."

"How long do we have until you have to go be the supportive best friend again?"

"About forty-five minutes."

"Not as long as I'd like, but I guess I'll have to make do."

She pressed her body against his and went after his mouth like she was starving. He groaned. Yeah, he'd definitely missed her, too.

"What about your shoulder? Can you lose the sling for a bit?"

Even that tiny reminder of Wednesday night was enough to douse his desire, and he swore under his breath. "I don't know that it's been long enough yet, and I'd really hate to tear anything else or dislocate it again." He forced himself to smile, and a moment later, he chuckled. "Especially if I had to explain to the doctor how it happened."

"I imagine that would be a rather awkward conversation. Guess that means I'll just have to be gentle with you."

She twined her fingers with his and pulled him into his bedroom, then kissed him with an urgency that took his breath away. Impatiently, she tugged at the hem of his T-shirt, and he carefully slipped his arm out of his sling. When he twisted and shrugged out of his shirt with relative ease, he realized it was getting easier to work around his injured shoulder. The bruising was beginning to fade now, too, and the swelling had almost disappeared, but when he rotated the joint too far, a sharp pain shot through it, reminding him that it was still healing.

"That was a rather pained expression just now," Michelle remarked gently. "Still hurts pretty bad, huh?"

"For the most part, it's starting to feel pretty good again. Until I try to push it, and then it lets me know very clearly that I'm an idiot."

"An idiot for trying to push it or for crashing through a locked door?"

_That did it_ , he thought. The moment was lost as the memory of Beth's pleading sobs and frantically slamming into that solid door drove away every thought he had of taking Michelle up on her very generous and eager offer. He hadn't felt the pain much then, but he certainly remembered it now, and he rubbed his shoulder as if he could massage away the remembered agony.

"I shouldn't have said that," Michelle murmured, taking his hand again. "I don't know what happened, and that was really callous of me to call it idiotic. You obviously believe you had to do what you did."

He sat down on the bed beside her and sighed. "I'm sorry, Michelle."

"Don't apologize to me," she replied, rubbing her hand across his back. "I may not understand the hows and the whys, but I do know that whatever battle you're fighting is tearing you apart. You need to get your head on straight again, Nick."

"I completely agree. I just don't know how to do that right now."

"Then figure it out."

She made it sound like it was so simple. If only it were. As if to apologize for ruining the mood, she climbed onto his bed and knelt behind him, kneading his shoulders and back with strong, deft hands. Within moments, she had lulled him into a near catatonic state.

"You're incredible," he mumbled. "Do you know that?"

"I'll start believing it if you keep saying it."

"You're amazing and wonderful and beautiful, and I cannot thank you enough for being so understanding of Beth and of my need to be there for her. You are the definition of selfless."

"Mmm. So are you. I'm big enough to admit that sometimes I get a little jealous because she's getting most of your attention, but I truly do admire you for being such a good friend. And I appreciate that you make sure I know you're still mine."

"I am," he affirmed. "And if you keep that up, I'll be as pliable in your hands as putty."

"Promise?"

He laughed, quietly at first, but it built until he was laughing so hard that his shoulder complained and his eyes watered. It felt so good to laugh again, and he realized then that he hadn't since their double date. Not really. The disheartened chuckles he'd managed now and again didn't count.

"Looks like I did help you find a little release after all," Michelle said, grinning.

"Yes, you certainly did. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you."

"I'll just have to take another rain check, I guess."

She leaned over his good shoulder, and he turned his face toward her for a kiss.

"It's too late now, anyhow. Beth's class should be about over. Are you going to be up to taking me dancing again tomorrow? That same band is going to be playing at the Club Bar, and I know we'll be a little restricted because of your shoulder, but I'd like you to teach me a little more about swing."

"I can't make any promises," he replied as he got up and walked her to the door. "But I'd really love to."

"All right. See you at lunch?"

"Yep."

She stole a quick kiss and headed off down the hall. Nick left his door open and retrieved his T-shirt from his bed where Michelle had left it. With disappointment trickling through him, he put it on and secured his right arm once again in the sling. The constant reminder of that night, more than the annoyance of not being able to use his arm, made him anxious to have the sling off, and he couldn't wait for his checkup next Thursday when he'd hopefully be given permission to ditch it and start working on rebuilding strength and flexibility in that arm. Sighing again, he sat down at his desk and turned his attention to schoolwork.

Fifteen minutes later than he expected her, Beth showed up.

"So... how were your classes?" he asked as she walked through his open door.

"I don't know," she replied dispassionately, sinking onto his couch. "I don't remember much of them. I didn't think it was going to be that hard to focus."

"I'm sure it would have been a lot better without seeing Trey this morning."

She nodded but didn't lift her gaze; it remained trained on the floor.

"Besides, we didn't expect you'd be able to just waltz right in there like everything was fine and dandy."

"No, we didn't."

Her flat, lifeless tone concerned him. He stood up, took her books from her and set them on his desk, then ducked out of the living room to close his front door. In the time it took him to do that and return to her side, tears had filled her eyes.

"What now?" he asked impatiently. Immediately, he wished he could take it back, but because he couldn't, he clarified himself. "What happened?"

"I can't go to my class with Trey tomorrow."

"That's not entirely surprising, so why are you so upset?"

"I don't think I'll ever be able to go to it, but I need it, and it won't be offered again in the spring."

"So ask Dr. Keller if he'd be willing to work with you on it as an independent study."

She shook her head. "I don't think he will. I talked to him before I came back here, and he thinks Trey and I just broke up and that's why—"

"Did you ask him about an independent study?" Nick grabbed the blue sheet of paper off her stack of books and scowled. "No, you didn't. You'd rather drop the class—or fail it—and go right on running from this instead of facing it."

"Please don't be angry with me, Nick."

"I'm not...." Because his frustration had worked its way into his voice, he inhaled deeply, held it for a count of five, and let it out slowly. He thought of Michelle scooting out of here because Beth would soon be back from her classes and of his desire for a little breathing room and how it conflicted with his need to have her close so he knew she was safe. When he was ready to speak again, he knew exactly what was bothering him. "I'm not angry with you, Beth, but you are relying on me too much for everything."

He sat down beside her but didn't hug her, just watched her until she finally met his gaze. The bright anguish hit him like a punch to the chest.

"Take my shoulder, Beth. The sling is holding everything in place until what's torn heals enough to function without it, but if I leave the sling on too long, my shoulder will stiffen and weaken from disuse. I am your sling. I can be here for you and support you while you start the healing process, but I can't rebuild you. That is something only you can do... by carrying on with your life and conquering the fear and the anger and the pain one step at a time."

"How can I do that when I am so scared of everything but you?"

"For a start, you need to start living in your room again. If you can do that, it'd be a major step for you."

Her eyes snapped wide with panic, and she shook her head vehemently. "I can't—"

"Stop saying you can't and _try_."

"I have."

"No, you haven't. You've gone down there, raced around to get whatever you needed, and run out like a shot." He rocked to his feet and offered Beth a hand up. "Come on. We're going downstairs, and we're going to sit in your room and watch a movie together. Or work on homework, if you'd rather do that. And after, we'll head down to the cafeteria for lunch."

She let out a small, terrified squeak.

"Yes, that's right, Beth," Nick said. "You're going to have a meal with someone other than me or your family. Because it's time to stop hiding."

Beth flinched but let him drag her out of his room, and he didn't let go of her hand until they reached her room in the basement. He started to ask for her key, then thought better of it. She needed to do that, too. Her hand trembled when she inserted the key into the lock and turned it, but she did it, and he was proud. It might be a tiny accomplishment that, in the grander scheme of her recovery, ended up meaning nothing, but it was a step forward.

It wasn't much easier for him to walk into that room than it was for her. As soon as he stepped over the threshold, he was bombarded by the memory of the wrenching scene he'd barged in on less than a week ago. With brutally sharp clarity, he saw again the way Trey had had Beth bent over the bed, how he'd wrapped her long, beautiful blonde hair around his fist and used it to jerk her head cruelly back to him so he could snarl whatever vicious, demeaning slurs he'd uttered. Six days removed, Nick still wanted to throw up, but he swallowed the bile and forced the memories away.

Nothing in the room had changed, so he went about stripping the sheets and blankets off the bed until only a bare mattress remained. It was difficult to do one-handed, but this was something he couldn't ask Beth to help with. He piled the bedding in Beth's laundry basket, then turned to her. She stared at the bed, standing as stiff as an ice sculpture, helplessly enthralled by the memory.

"Beth, sweetheart," Nick said gently. "Snap out of it."

She raised wide, watery eyes to him, and he saw her begin to splinter. Half a moment before she collapsed, he jumped to her side and wrapped his arm around her to steady her. She sagged in his hold, and he helped to the bed just as the tears broke loose.

"Come on, sweetheart," he murmured. "You'll get past this. Look around. This is still your room with your things. Trey isn't here, and he won't ever be again. So kick his memory out of here and reclaim the space."

"How do you know I can do all that? Right now, I just want to go home to Northstar and never come back."

"I know you can do it because I know how strong you are."

"But I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

After a while, she managed to get hold of herself, and with a shuddering breath, she asked, "Do you think Neil will change out the mattress for me? Because I can't sleep on it. Not after Trey...."

Her voice faltered, and it broke his heart again. Before he answered her question, he realized there was something else she needed to do right now, another step to take. "Say it, Beth."

"I can't."

"You can and you will because you need to. What did Trey do?"

She squirmed and whined a moment and tried to say again that she couldn't do it, but Nick met her fearful gaze head on, daring her to contradict his faith. He nearly cheered when he saw a spark of defiance. _Yes!_

"He... he... r-raped me."

Unable to resist, he hugged her tightly. "That's my girl," he whispered.

Despite the tears that trickled down her cheeks, she smiled. "All I did was say a word, so why does it feel like I just won some major award?"

"Because you _did_ win something. You won back a piece of your courage." He let her go and carefully shrugged out of his outer flannel shirt. After securing his arm in the sling again, he righted her chair and set it back by her desk, the hung his flannel on it and turned back to her. "Time to clean this mess up so you can win back another piece. _Then_ we'll watch a movie."

Nodding, she rose from the bed and got to work. As Nick helped her pick up, he watched her shed the fear and doubt and began to believe that she had made real, measurable progress today. As long as the emergency contraceptives did their job and she was spared longer lasting consequences of the rape, he had hope that she would not only recover but come away from it even stronger. In this moment, as she bustled around her dorm room and returned her belongings to their proper places, awe at her resilience flooded him, washing away every trace of the frustration that had plagued him earlier.

_She'll be all right. Different, maybe, but she'll beat this._

# Seven

Beth jerked awake in terror, flailing her legs and striking out with her fists to free herself from her attacker's grip. She let out a guttural yelp with each panting exhalation and thrashed a few more times before she realized there was no one touching her. As sanity returned, she glanced around to get her bearings. She was in her dorm room, and she was entirely alone. Shivering, she drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them.

_Just a nightmare. Trey's not here. You're okay_.

Except that what she'd dreamt had really happened. It wasn't a figment of her imagination, and she wasn't sure if she'd ever be okay again. She gulped air and fought to keep the tears at bay, but they came anyhow. Trey had broken something deep inside her, something she wasn't sure could be repaired. She'd always imagined her life would take the classical route with a husband and kids and grandkids, but that dream was fractured now because her trust had been shattered in the cruelest way imaginable. Would she ever be able to trust a man not to hurt her like he had? As soon as the question popped into her head, she had an answer. There was one man she knew without a doubt who would never hurt her, and without questioning the impulse or the early morning hour, she got out of bed to retrieve her phone and dialed his number.

Just before he answered, she realized Nick had left his flannel hanging on her chair. She pressed it to her cheek, soothed by its soft texture and even more so by the familiar scent of him that lingered in its fibers.

"Hello?" Nick asked groggily.

"It's Beth."

"Are you all right?"

His voice was immediately more alert, and tears burned her eyes again in gratitude. She was lucky to have a friend she could call in the middle of the night who genuinely cared about her.

"It was just a nightmare. I guess this isn't going to be as easy as I thought. First night back in my room, and here I am calling you in the middle of the night."

"That's all right, Beth. I told you to call me any time you needed to. Remember?"

"I know, but you've already done so much."

"That's what friends are for. You going to be all right or do you want me to come down and sit with you for a bit?"

She almost wish he'd ask her if she wanted to come back up and spend the rest of the night on his couch, but at the same time, she knew that reclaiming her room was what she needed in the long run. With that thought, she was glad he hadn't asked because she would've taken him up on the offer, and that realization gave her the courage to decline the offer he _had_ made.

"No, that's all right, but...." She hesitated, trying to figure out how to explain exactly why she was calling. "I needed to hear your voice."

"Well, that makes my job easy."

He chuckled, and the last dregs of the nightmare faded away as her lips lifted.

"Except that you've never been much of a chatterbox. Thank you, Nick."

"Any time, Beth. I mean that."

"I know you do. So I'm going to tell you good night now and let you go back to sleep."

"Right back at ya."

She hung up the phone and curled up in her blankets with his flannel clutched to her chest, stubbornly refusing to think about the nightmare or anything but getting over this mess. Her eyes drifted closed, and she took several deep breaths to hold on to the serenity talking to Nick had brought her. It amazed her that he was able to soothe her when no one or nothing else could. She hadn't had a nightmare those nights she'd spent in his room, but she had both nights at home in Northstar and again tonight, and she knew it was because she felt safe with him... felt it on a level that her logical mind could not reach.

When she opened her eyes again, she was surprised to see bright morning light illuminating her room. She'd made it through her first night back in her own room and had even spent the last few hours in blissful, dreamless sleep. Now, waking up in her own bed instead of on Nick's couch, she felt a smidgeon of her pride returning. She could do this. She _would_ do this.

She yawned, flipped her covers back, and rolled out of bed. When she pushed to her feet, there was a surprising and welcome spring in her movements. It was Wednesday, which meant she would attempt to conquer another fear tonight when she joined Nick and Michelle and possibly his brothers and two other friends for dinner at the Whiskey Creek Grill followed by some dancing down at the Club Bar. The thought of retracing the steps of that night made her a little queasy, but she ignored it and started getting ready for class.

At a quarter to eight, Nick knocked on her door. She couldn't deny that she was delighted to see him, but she managed to hold her excitement _mostly_ in check, giving him only a brief hug.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Yep."

He had agreed to walk her to her classes for the time being because she was still terrified of running into Trey in the halls, and when she spotted her ex walking toward Main Hall from his dorm across campus, she was glad to have Nick with her. Trey spotted them but kept his distance and did not attempt to engage them in conversation. Beth let out a sigh of relief when she stepped into her classroom and Trey walked right on by, giving her and Nick a wide berth.

"That wasn't so bad, right?" Nick asked.

"No, it wasn't. I'm glad he didn't try to talk to us again, though."

"Me, too. See you in an hour?"

She nodded and watched him stride away toward his class.

It was much easier to focus today than it had been yesterday, and she had no need to beg a classmate to borrow notes later. She was proud of that, too. Slowly but surely—or maybe not so slowly—she was slipping back into her comfortable habits, and it felt good. Her next class went even better, and for a little while, she was able to focus entirely on it without the constant dread and anxiety hovering at the edges of her mind. Afterwards, Nick walked with her to Mathews Hall, but instead of heading to his room like she had yesterday, she parted ways with him at the door and went straight to her room to tackle some homework before lunch.

After an enjoyable meal with Nick, Michelle, Henry, Aaron, and their friends June Montana and Aelissm Davis, she returned to her room. Feeling remarkably at peace, she wondered if she could gather the courage to go to Advertising Media even though she had the assignments and would be able to get the notes from Tara. She immediately regretted considering it when the thought of having to sit in the same room with Trey for an hour entered her mind. Panic set in even though she quickly decided against going, and she sat on her bed, rocking and hugging Nick's flannel.

_This is ridiculous_ , she scolded herself. _You can't keep letting Trey do this do you._

When someone knocked on her door, she almost screamed, and she couldn't immediately get up to see who it was.

"Beth? You in there?"

At the sound of Nick's voice, relief settled over her, calming her jittery nerves. She leapt to her feet and barely refrained from running to the door. When she opened it and saw him standing on the other side, however, she couldn't resist wrapping her arms around him, too glad that he was there. He tucked his good arm around her, and she sighed contentedly despite the now-familiar twinge of regret for his injury. At least it was healing well, she consoled herself. Lingering in his embrace longer than she needed to, she let the strength in the arm that held her reassure her and was soothed by the mesmerizing rhythm of Nick's heartbeat. The feel of firm muscle beneath her cheek triggered a primal certainty that she was safe in his embrace and that he could and would protect her. He already had. It triggered something else, too, and she nearly jerked away in shock. She shouldn't be able to feel anything remotely like that so soon, and she sure as hell shouldn't feel it for Nick, who was her best friend and who also had a serious girlfriend.

"Easy, Beth. What's wrong?"

"I can't go to Dr. Keller's class," she replied shakily.

"That's okay, sweetheart. I didn't figure you would, and besides, you have notes and your assignments for the week."

"Then why are you here?" she asked, frowning.

"Just in case you wanted to try it. Thought I'd walk you if you did."

Beth wasn't sure if she should be pleased by his faith in her strength or mortified that she wasn't as strong as he hoped. A little miffed with herself, she admitted, "I _did_ think about it. And then I panicked. I just can't do it yet."

"Hey, that's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you at six, then."

"Wait... would you stay? Maybe watch a movie with me?"

"I wish I could, but I have to meet with my advisor about a thesis project for next semester."

Disappointment filtered through her as she stood in her door and he strode away with that easy, ground-eating cowboy gate. She stared at him as if seeing him for the first time. Long gone were the coltish limbs, the narrow shoulders, and cheerful innocence of boyhood. Though she had seen the changes as they'd happened, she hadn't ever taken note of them. Not really. But she did now, and her mouth fell open in astonishment. When had Nick Hammond turned into such a sexy man? When she realized she was gawking, she shook herself out of it and went back into her room.

Over the next few hours, while she worked on her various assignments, she pondered the question of why she'd suddenly noticed her longtime friend on a level that was decidedly not platonic. In that moment, watching him walk away, the belief that she knew everything about him—from his favorite everything to the way he moved when he danced to the fact that Michelle was only the second girl he'd slept with—had crumbled. What had shoved aside that sense of absolute familiarity and allowed her to see him like that?

Unable to focus any longer on her work and still without an answer, Beth put her books and notebook away and resolved to push her questions about Nick far, far from her mind. Her life was already complicated enough without throwing dubious impulses into the mix. Besides, it was already half past five, and Nick said he'd be here to pick her up at six, and she hadn't even thought about getting ready.

Her immediate thought was to wear a dress since the plan was to go dancing, but as she opened her closet and started pushing one after another aside, she recalled how the skirt of the turquoise dress she'd worn last Wednesday had flared when she danced with Nick and how it had sounded when Trey had ripped it off her. Queasiness churned her stomach. She didn't realize that tears had begun streaming down her face until one splattered on her forearm, and she stared at it, watching as another joined it.

Disgusted by both the sickening memory of what Trey had done and by the fact that she couldn't even pick out a dress without thinking about it, she turned away from her closet for the time being to brush her hair. After she unlocked the door in anticipation of Nick's arrival, she pulled the ponytail holder out and started brushing at the ends of her long hair, gradually working her way up to the roots. It hung nearly to her waist, and she was usually much better about keeping it silky and smooth, but the numerous snags she ran into were a testament that she hadn't been as diligent lately. Her brush snarled in a tangle at the back of her head, and she yanked on it. Her neck cried out in protest, and suddenly, she wasn't standing in front of the mirror and sink by the door. She was kneeling over her bed with her head jerked cruelly and painfully back. Her body went rigid as the flashback crashed over her, wrapping her helplessly in its vicious grip.

_You're mine now, bitch_.

An animal shriek ripped free from her throat, and she hurled her brush at the mirror. Cracks spider-webbed across it from the point of impact. Beth whirled away and snatched her scissors off her desk, then turned back to the fractured mirror and grabbed a thick lock of her hair. Tears poured down her reddened cheeks as she lifted the scissors to chin level. If she cut her hair, Trey would never again be able to use it to control her.

Her door swung open, and before she realized what was happening, Nick was there, grabbing the scissors out of her hand and hugging her close.

"Jesus, Beth," he murmured. "What the hell happened?"

"I have to cut it. I have to cut it." Her words quickly tumbled into indecipherable babbling as her tears turned into hysterical sobs. She buried her face against his chest, and he tightened his arm around her. Anger and fear and grief slammed through her, and she curled her hands around fistfuls of his shirt, choking on the tears.

"Breathe, sweetheart. Just relax a moment, all right?" Nick crooned. After a few minutes, when her wracking tears subsided, he leaned back and said, "Look at me, Beth."

She shook her head, unable to raise her eyes, ashamed that she had freaked out like that and ashamed for her somewhat inappropriate thoughts about him earlier. With his thumb under her jaw, he gently tilted her face until she was forced to meet his gaze.

"Now tell me what just happened."

"I have to cut my hair. I have to cut it so he can't use it to control me again," she said. "He wrapped it around his fist and yanked...."

Nick hugged her again. "I know he did, sweetheart. I remember," he said softly. The hitch in his voice hit her square in the heart, and she almost broke down again. "But you don't have to cut your beautiful hair, Beth, because I won't let him touch it ever again."

Sighing raggedly, she straightened and realized at once that Michelle, Henry, and Aaron were standing out in the hallway staring at her with a mixture of concern and shock. Her cheeks and neck warmed uncomfortably, and she almost hid her face against Nick's chest again... except that she was pretty sure his girlfriend wouldn't appreciate it. And Michelle had been very gracious to this point, so she didn't want to push her luck, unwilling to put Nick in the middle more than she already was.

"Are you going to be all right now?" Nick asked. One corner of his mouth quirked upward. "Or do I need to hide your scissors?"

Despite herself, Beth laughed a little. "I think I'll be okay. I was just brushing my hair, and I hit a bad snarl at the back, and it reminded me.... Stupid."

He shook his head. "Not stupid. Are you still up to coming out with us? We'll understand if you don't want to go."

"No, I still want to go, and I think I need to."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Just let me...." She glanced toward her closet. "I should probably change into something nicer."

"What's wrong with jeans and a T-shirt?" Nick asked, stepping back with his left arm held out to the side so she could inspect his attire. "You look just fine."

She glanced over him, noting the jeans that hugged his long legs and the crisp white T-shirt peeking out from the gunmetal-gray, blue, and white plaid shirt he wore with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Her gaze traveled up his neck and along his jaw, taking in the long-familiar lines of him that had so suddenly and unexpectedly captured her notice, and when her pulse tripped, she quickly averted her gaze before they continued the rest of the way to his eyes. Embarrassment again heated her face.

"But Michelle's wearing a dress," she said quietly, glancing at his girlfriend, who was just a little too beautiful in that simple but stunning red sundress.

"Yeah, but I can guarantee you June and Aelissm won't be. You _know_ they'll be in jeans and T-shirts or tank tops, too. Don't worry how you look because you're always beautiful no matter what you wear." He brushed his thumb lightly across her cheek with his head tilted in a way that assured her he believed every word he said. "Besides, for now I think you'll probably feel a little more comfortable in what you have on. C'mon. We'll worry about the mirror tomorrow."

Nodding, she took his hand and let him pull her out into the hallway. Henry and Aaron both asked if she was all right, and she nodded again.

"What the hell did Trey do to you?" Aaron asked with the sympathetic gentleness she more frequently associated with his older brother. The way he said it gave her the impression that he didn't expect an answer, that his question was more an offer of support should she need it.

She smiled, grateful.

After she locked her door, they headed down the hall to June's and Aelissm's rooms, which were at the far end. Aelissm's was directly below Nick's suite, and June's was across from it. Frowning while they waited, Beth wondered where the two friends had been last Wednesday. They weren't into the party scene, so it was likely they would have been in their rooms that night. Had they heard her screaming? Beth shook her head. If they had heard, they would have come running or, at the _very_ least, called Jeff Opheim.

Both friends opened their doors simultaneously at Henry's and Aaron's knocks. As Nick had predicted, they were dressed in jeans and tank tops. Regardless, they were blonde, beautiful, and nearly as tall as Michelle and made Beth feel like the short, frumpy tag-along.

"You know this isn't actually a date, right?" Aelissm jokingly asked Henry.

"Sure it is," Henry remarked. "Just because you both have boyfriends and we both have girlfriends doesn't mean Aaron and I can't take the two of you out for dinner and dancing as friends, right?"

"Exactly. We're doing this for Beth," June said.

"Yes, ma'am," Aaron replied.

"Michelle, these two lovely ladies are June Montana and Aelissm Davis," Nick interrupted. "Aeli's grandparents are Marge and Roger Davis, who you've met. They own the Bedspread Inn out in Northstar."

"I remember them. Alyssum?" Michelle asked. "Like the flower?"

"But spelled a little differently," Aelissm replied with a quirk of her lips. "We ready?"

"We are," Nick replied.

Just like last Wednesday, they walked to the Whiskey Creek Grill and took a table out on the back patio to enjoy the fading remnants of summer. The evening was cooler but just as beautiful, and it wasn't long before Beth was able to shed the lingering trembles of anxiety. It wasn't nearly so easy, however, to ignore the twinges of envy that stung her every time Michelle flirted with Nick or when he responded in turn with a playful grin.

Ignoring that ridiculous jealousy became easier when they ventured down to the Club Bar. Beth hesitated at the door, frozen in place as she waited for the memory to assault her. She glanced around what she could see of the bar through the open door, and there was no sign of Trey. In fact, for a Wednesday night, the bar was surprisingly quiet. Maybe tonight would actually turn out well. Certainly better than the last time she'd come here. Nick rested his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Are you still sure you want to do this?" he asked.

She chewed on her bottom lip but nodded.

"Let's get to dancing, shall we?"

The band was excited to see them back and immediately struck up a lively swing tune. Beth danced with Aaron for the first song, and though he was every bit as gifted a dancer as his brother, she wished she was dancing with Nick. When the song ended, she declined Henry's invitation and took a seat on a chair at the edge of the dance floor to watch. Aaron and June paired up while Henry took Aelissm's hand and refused to take no for an answer, leaving Beth to sit alone.

Her gaze remained trained on Nick and Michelle throughout the song. Michelle was as graceful as any woman Beth had ever seen, and she was a quick learner. The awkwardness that had stiffened her movements last week was long gone, and even Nick's sling didn't hamper their energetic dance much. The song ended, and he leaned in to kiss her. Beth had to look away when Michelle pressed her body against his with an intimate possessiveness as he took her face in his hands to pull her closer. She'd never seen Nick focus on any of his girlfriends like he did with Michelle, and Beth knew she should be happy that he'd found someone he could get serious about. Selfishly, she felt like she was losing her best friend, though on some level she knew they were closer than ever. So why did watching him with Michelle give her the impression that he was slipping away?

_Because,_ she admitted, _that's not all it makes you feel._

She hung her head and wished she could make everything go back to the way it was before last Wednesday, back when everything was comfortable and happy and she wasn't at the mercy of a million conflicting and confusing emotions.

Someone sat beside her, and without looking up, she knew whom; every cell in her body had become so attuned to him that she did not need visual confirmation.

"You doing all right?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You look unhappy."

"I'm okay. Just wishing I could be normal again... and wishing I didn't hate your girlfriend right now."

"Why do you hate Michelle?" he asked, sitting up in surprise.

"I don't really hate her... but I'm jealous, I guess. I've gotten used to having you around all the time. I still need you more than I should... because you were there. You saw what happened, and you stopped it. I feel like you're the only person who can understand. And I don't want to share you." She inhaled and plowed on without giving him a chance to respond. "And, yes, I know how incredibly selfish I'm being, especially because Michelle has been so disgustingly sweet to me."

"I never thought I'd see the day when _you_ would be jealous of any woman," Nick remarked with a teasing note in his voice. "I long ago lost track of how many boys I've had to threaten with a beating if they didn't put their eyes back in their head. Not that you ever noticed them staring."

"Yeah, right."

"I may be teasing you, but I'm not joking. You have no idea how incredibly beautiful you are, especially with those big, innocent blue eyes that make a guy want to give you the world." With his arm around her shoulders, he tucked her against him and hugged her for a moment. "You've been through hell, Beth, so I think you're being a little unfair to yourself. Give it some time and stop thinking you should be able to just bounce back from this."

"You're not upset that I'm jealous of your girlfriend?"

"Why would I be? It's quite a compliment of her. Either that, or I'm such a stud that even my friends want me."

Beth laughed. "You _are_ a stud, but don't do that again. Trey's the arrogant one, not you."

"That's for damned sure. C'mon. Let's make everyone jealous." He bounced to his feet and held his hand out to her. "Dance with me?"

Slipping her hand lightly into his, Beth let Nick pull her to her feet, laughing again as he twirled her around, feigning awkwardness.

"Somehow I don't think _that_ is going to make anyone jealous."

"Hmm. I don't think so, either," he agreed.

Within moments, she'd forgotten about Michelle and Trey and everything but how much she enjoyed dancing with Nick. She couldn't forget, however, this strange new recognition because dancing with him only heightened her awareness of him. She knew she should ignore it, that it could only bring her more heartache because he _was_ serious about Michelle, but she couldn't help herself. Even as her brain warned her that it was wrong, her heart promised her that it was right, and she reveled in the quiet power of his body as he led her through complicated steps and turns, entirely at home and relaxed with him.

They danced almost an hour before Nick took a break to get refreshments for everyone. Since the majority in his group were under age, he skipped the alcohol. Besides, after what had happened last week, he was in no mood for a drink, anyhow. While he waited, he thought about what Beth had told him, and he hoped he wasn't giving her ultra-sensitive emotions the wrong signals. He was conscious of the fact that how he reacted to her had shifted since the rape. The need to make sure she was safe was overpowering, and sometimes he found it difficult to think of anything else, but it wasn't only how he responded to her that was transforming. His very perception of her was evolving as well. He'd always thought her enchantingly beautiful, but he no longer noticed it with the pride and detachment of simple friendship but with curiosity and intrigue.

Nick shook his head. He couldn't think like that because she was his best friend. He was supposed to be helping her find her balance again, and the last thing she needed right now was him confusing her.

In the time that he'd been dancing, the bar had filled, so he shouldn't have paid much attention when two more people walked in, but the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and his gaze was pulled almost unwillingly to the front door. Trey and Darryl stepped inside, and Nick closed his eyes to whisper a prayer that when he opened them again the pair would be gone.

"What the hell are you doing here, Hammond?" Trey asked just feet from him.

Nick opened his eyes and turned them on his former friend and teammate. "It might be a good idea if you turn around and walk right back out that door, Holt."

"Why don't you make me?" Trey said, coming to a stop just a hand span away. "I don't think you could even if you didn't have that broken wing."

"I can hit just as hard with my left," Nick replied quietly. "You _know_ I can. Please just leave."

"No." Trey shoved against Nick's chest. " _You_ leave. And take that slut with you."

"Hey, now," the bartender said, striding over. "Whatever this is, take it outside, boys."

"Come on, Nick," Michelle said. "Let's just leave."

"No. I'm not going to give this piece of trash the satisfaction."

"You want to start something, Hammond?"

Trey gave him another shove. Nick shoved back, and to his surprise, Trey stumbled back a step. Fear flashed briefly in Trey's brown eyes, but it was gone too quickly for Nick to be sure he'd seen it. The bartender pleaded again for them to take it outside, but they ignored her. Trey glanced behind Nick, who turned to see that his brothers, Beth, June, and Aelissm had joined him in the bar area. Aaron and Henry stood defensively in front of the girls, and Beth peered between them with eyes rounded and terrified.

"Wow, Beth. Didn't take you long at all to jump into someone else's bed, did it?" Trey remarked with a sneer. "Whore."

"Jesus Christ, Trey, just leave her alone. Haven't you done enough to hurt her?"

Trey turned to Darryl as if Nick hadn't spoken. "I didn't want to believe you, but she really is a whore. I can't believe I fell for that whole waiting-for-marriage thing for a _year_."

"Holy shit. You actually...?"

"Oh, hell yeah, I fucked her. Wasn't much of a—"

Nick pushed Trey. Hard. "Shut your goddamned mouth, Holt."

"Let's _go_ , Nick," Michelle said again, more urgently.

"No."

"Come on, Nick," Aaron said, stepping between him and Trey. "He's not worth it."

"Look, guys," the bartender said, "take it outside, or I'm going to call the cops."

"Do we need to take it outside, Trey, or are you going to do the smart thing for once and leave?"

"You honestly think you can take me?" Trey scoffed.

"I _know_ I can. And _you_ know it." _Say just one more thing about Beth, Trey, and I will gladly screw my shoulder up again to prove it._ He didn't say it, unwilling to give Trey any ammunition to use against him later, but when fear again shadowed the other man's eyes, triumphant glee danced through him. His lips curved in a deadly, humorless smile. "Look at you, afraid of a guy in a sling."

The bartender spoke up again, her attention firmly on Trey. "You need to leave, sir. Now."

"Why do I have to leave?" Trey asked.

"You walked in here and trouble followed. So get out of here, or I _will_ call the cops."

"Fine. Come on, Darryl. The music here sucks anyhow."

"Yeah, hang on," Darryl replied. "Lemme finish my beer."

Swearing, Trey stormed outside. Nick took a few deep breaths.

"Sorry to say this, Beth," he heard Michelle say, "but what did you ever see in that asshole? Beth?"

Nick swiveled around just in time to see Beth slap Darryl hard across the face.

"What the hell was that for, you crazy bitch?" he yelped.

"You lying sack of shit!" she shrieked. "What did I ever do to you? Why did you tell Trey I slept with you? It's a goddamned _lie_! I hate you!"

Nick grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her off the ground. She flailed and tried to hit Darryl again, so he hauled her outside. Immediately, she collapsed onto the bench just outside, and her anger crumbled into tears.

"Are you done now?" he asked.

She met his gaze with defiance burning like indigo fire in her eyes. "The pair of them can go straight to hell," she snapped. "I want to go home—back to the dorms."

"Fine. We'll go home."

He didn't have to go in to tell Michelle and the others that he needed to walk Beth home; they walked outside, assuring him that they'd made apologies to the bartender for the ruckus. Nick thanked them and offered an apology of his own.

"You don't have to leave, you know," he said to his brothers and June and Aelissm.

"That's all right, Nick," June replied. "The mood is sort of shot now, anyhow. And besides, the crowd's getting a little too rowdy for my tastes."

"Well, thanks."

The sun sank below the mountains as they walked back to campus, plunging the valley into shadow while the sky above burned brightly. It was a stunning night, but Nick couldn't bring himself to enjoy it. As June had said, the carefree mood of their evening was well and truly ruined. They parted ways at the southern door of Matthews Hall, the one closest to June's and Aelissm's rooms, and Nick walked Beth to her door before bidding her goodnight. When she tried to apologize for ruining everything, he wouldn't hear of it. It was only the truth that they likely would have gone on dancing and having a good time for hours if Trey and Darryl hadn't shown up.

"Come out and sit with me?" Michelle asked as soon as Beth closed and locked her door.

"Sure, babe."

He followed her out to one of the picnic tables scattered across the lawn in front of Mathews Hall and sat beside her on the tabletop with their feet on the bench facing the fiery western sky. For several long minutes, neither spoke, but he sensed that something weighed heavily on her. It was written in the droop of her shoulders and in the way she stared at the sunset without actually seeing it. His heart beat a little faster in anticipation of a conversation he was certain wouldn't be a happy one.

"Something has changed between you and Beth," she said at last. Her voice was quiet with a note of concern, but she wasn't accusing him of anything. "You've been great about making sure I know you still want me, but... something is different."

He started to assure her that he still felt only friendship for Beth, but it felt like a lie, and he knew she was right even if he wasn't sure yet _how_. So he asked what she meant.

"She moves, you move." Michelle glanced at him, then away again. "It's like when you dance. You're entirely attuned to each other, only now it's not just when you dance but all the time. You know when and how she needs you even before she does. Like earlier tonight when we were heading downstairs to get her, and she was freaking out. You were there right when she needed you."

"She's hurting, Michelle."

"I know she is. That is plenty obvious. I'm not trying to be a bitch here or chastise you for being a good friend. I would expect nothing less of you than what you're doing, but.... She doesn't look at you the same anymore. It's like she's suddenly seeing you in a totally different light."

"What do you want me to do? I can't just—"

"I know you can't, and I _do_ respect that."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"I want you to tell me it's still only friendship between you and Beth. Because I love you and I believe we're good together, but I'm not going to fight a battle I know I can't win."

"What battle?"

"The one between me and Beth for your time. I'm not too proud to admit that she'd win that fight if I made you choose. I never would, of course, but—"

"God, I wish I could tell you exactly what happened that night because you'd see exactly what changed. I promise you, Michelle, it's still only friendship."

She sighed and held his gaze for a long while, studying him intently with her brows knitted together. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, I am."

"I'm not."

Before he could object, she angled her body toward him and kissed him. It was different than any kiss they'd shared—urgent, almost regretful like she was committing every sensation to memory as if this were the last kiss. Something that felt distinctly like grief washed through him, and he wondered how long it would be before she said goodbye.

"I really care about you, Nick," she murmured against his lips. "And I want you to be happy. So I want you to take a good, long look at what's happening here, and afterwards, _then_ tell me if it's still only friendship you feel for Beth and that she feels for you. If it is, I'll be glad to know you're all mine. If not... then I'll know it's time for me to move on."

"Why does it feel like you're already saying goodbye?"

"I'm not, but if that's how you feel... maybe you should ask yourself why."

She turned away and stood, but he grabbed her hand before she could walk away and pulled her close. She cradled his head against her chest, and he sighed raggedly. They didn't say anything else, and after a few minutes, she pulled away and he let her go.

After a while, he sat up a little and lifted his gaze to the lavender twilight. Behind him, the full moon glowed brightly in the eastern sky amongst a scattering of dark clouds, and a few of the brightest stars had come out to twinkle beside it. The breeze that sighed through the boughs of the spruces and rustled the weakening leaves on the massive white poplars lining the lawn was cool, and he shivered.

Why did he feel like his life was crumbling?

Only eight days ago, his biggest worry had been keeping his motivation strong through this last year of college until he could proudly return to the Lazy H with his degree in hand and settle into running the ranch with his father. He hadn't ever been like the many other students on this campus who didn't know what paths their lives would take; his path had been set from the moment of his birth, and he'd always felt blessed to embrace it. That wouldn't change, he knew, but so much else was. His parents had married at twenty and were more in love after twenty-five years together than ever, and maybe because of that he foolishly believed—at least until a week ago—that Michelle might just be that woman for him. She hadn't grown up on a ranch, but she'd certainly acclimated quickly over the summer and had even put in a couple hard days helping him loading and unloading a trailer of square bales he'd had to deliver to his cousin's small ranch outside of Three Forks. She also complimented him well with her laid-back personality, and his parents heartily approved of her.

Then tonight....

He shook his head and dragged his hand back through his hair. Beth was a complete mess right now, and since she had always been such a big part of his life, he wasn't entirely surprised that his world had been turned on its head that night just as surely as hers had been. Michelle was right that his relationship with Beth was changing, and he'd noted that fact only a couple hours ago. Beth herself had commented that she was jealous of Michelle, and he suspected she hadn't told him the whole reason why.

The truth was, he admitted, that he didn't know what was happening. Everything was so confused. Was he going to lose Michelle over this? The idea that he might was troubling, and his chest constricted because he _did_ love her. But was that love strong enough to overcome the strain Beth's troubles were putting on their relationship? He didn't know the answer to that question, and the fact that he doubted they could make it through this was almost an answer in itself. In contrast, he knew he had no choice when it came to Beth. He needed to be there for her as long as she needed him.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

He glanced over his shoulder to see Beth standing a few feet away, watching him with an unusual and startling insecurity. If he felt even a moment's desire to be left alone, it vanished long before he could acknowledge it.

"Sure."

"I saw you still sitting out here... alone... and I...."

"Why don't you come sit with me and _then_ tell me what's on your mind?"

She sat beside him on the picnic table, but it was several minutes before she spoke. "I'm really sorry for the way I acted tonight."

"I told you before that it's not your fault."

"Not just for flipping out on Darryl... but for the way I acted about Michelle. I have no claim on you and no right to be jealous of her. I hope I'm not causing any problems between the two of you."

"Why would you think you are?"

"When she walked back into the building just a few minutes ago, she looked a little... I don't know, sad, I guess."

Nick clenched his jaw at the mention of his girlfriend. "Don't worry about it, Beth. You have enough heartache of your own to work through as it is without worrying about Michelle and me. Whatever will be will be, I suppose."

"Ah, Nick. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation, he changed the topic. "I can't believe you slapped Darryl. I'm not saying he didn't deserve it for what he said. I just can't believe you hit him."

"Why did he say those things to Trey? I've never been with anyone... not until Trey... and that...."

"Jesus, Beth. That doesn't count. He forced you."

"You don't believe him, do you?"

"No, I don't. I know you've never been with anyone."

"But how do you _know_ that?"

"Because I know _you_ , and I know you wouldn't lie to me." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "You've had a long day, and I'm sure you're probably as exhausted as I am, so why don't we call it a night?"

She nodded, and they headed inside.

At her door, he asked, "Are you going to be all right tonight?"

"I hope so. It probably sounds strange, but I think I actually feel a little better after slapping Darryl."

"In that case, maybe I should've let you hit him a few more times," Nick said, chuckling a little. "Tell you what, I think you shocked the crap out of him when you did."

"I wonder how much better I'd feel if I slapped Trey."

Nick snorted. "From my experience, that doesn't help much because it's not possible to hit him hard enough. Good night, Beth, and hopefully your dreams will be sweet tonight."

"Even if they aren't, I'll try not to wake you up again."

"While I'd appreciate that, if you need to call, just call."

She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Thank you. For everything."

# Eight

Nick grinned broadly when Beth opened her door at his knock. At first, she regarded him half frowning and half smiling as if she didn't understand why he was so happy, but her gaze dipped, and then she was grinning, too.

"It's gone!" she said. "The doc cleared you?"

"Yep," he replied.

"That is fantastic, but I have even better news. I'm not pregnant."

"You're sure?"

"Mmm-hmm. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you, but I was a couple days late—Dr. Phillips said the morning after pill might do that—so I took a home pregnancy test this morning, and it was negative. Then, not even an hour later.... I don't think I've ever been so happy to start my period." Her face turned red, and she ducked her gaze. "Way more information than I'm sure you wanted to hear."

"Beth, I've known you all our lives. Believe me, I've heard far worse."

He dropped down to wrap his arms—both of them—around her hips. She braced her arms on his shoulders as he hoisted her off the ground and laughed delightedly as he spun around. Hearing that vibrant sound, so open and genuine, was even better than having the sling off. Resting his head against her stomach, he exhaled in relief.

"Thank God."

"Yes, indeed. Um, Nick?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you supposed to be doing this with your shoulder yet?" she asked.

"Technically, no... but I couldn't resist."

"I'll bet it feels good to be able stretch that arm and use it again."

"You have no idea. Taking notes and writing papers and school in general will certainly be a lot easier now that I won't have to spend so much time trying to decipher my left-handed chicken scratch. Showering will be a lot easier, too, and getting dressed and, well, everything." He set her down and held his right arm level with his shoulder, then dropped it and rolled it a little, smiling. "Feels pretty good, but it'll still be a few weeks before it's one hundred percent. Can't complain, though. We may all have to go out dancing again tonight."

"After what happened last Wednesday, I don't think that's such a good idea, Nick."

"Oh, come on. It's Thursday, so the Club won't be as busy. Besides, you've been doing great this last week." Teasingly, he added, "You haven't called me in the middle of the night in three days."

"And I'm sure you've enjoyed getting a full night's sleep."

"Yes. Yes, I have. Are you ready to head to lunch?"

"Not quite. Do you mind waiting a couple minutes? I need to finish my outline for my paper for Keller's class."

"I don't mind at all. How'd your meeting with him this morning go?"

"Fine. He still thinks I'm being silly letting a 'break up' get to me so much, but he agreed to let me take this class as an independent study."

"That's great!"

"Yeah. It's quite a relief knowing I won't have to worry about trying to sit through that class with Trey or failing it."

He followed her into her room and flopped on her bed with his arms stretched above his head. God, it felt good to be able to do that again, even if his shoulder _was_ a little stiff from two weeks of immobilization. Sighing happily, he turned his face toward Beth and watched her while she finished her outline, so relieved that she wouldn't have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy that he was giddy. He had every faith in her strength, but he didn't know if she would have been able to handle that on top of everything else. Now, with enough time, this ordeal would fade into her past, and she would be free to live her life with nothing but memories to remind her of it.

Over the last few days, she'd laughed more as she settled back into a comfortable routine and slowly but surely started putting the rape behind her. That was a relief, too, because as she gradually returned to her old self, Nick began to feel the strain slip away even though he still hadn't figured out an answer to Michelle's question. He'd thought that his concern for Beth and all the impulses and emotions that came with it would fade as she found her feet again and that they would slip back into their familiar, teasing friendship, but if anything, these new feelings had only solidified.

At least the constant desire to seek Trey out and pummel him a few more times had diminished into a dull ache at the back of his skull, and after today's good news, it might disappear almost entirely, thought Nick wasn't foolish enough to believe it would ever fully go away. He hadn't seen much of Beth's ex since last Wednesday, and the few times he had, Trey had gone out of his way to avoid both him and Beth.

Narrowing his eyes, he studied her while she was preoccupied. She wasn't as strikingly beautiful as Michelle but was pretty more in the cute and innocent way. Her cascade of golden hair framed an oval face set with large, warm blue eyes that were beginning to regain their spark of humor and joy. She had a delicate nose, chin, and jawline offset by soft, high cheeks that embodied feminine grace. She was petite, but her slender curves were contrasted by proud shoulders and firm muscle built by life on a ranch, and Nick knew she was not the dainty thing she appeared. He'd forgotten that in the last couple weeks, since her strength had been stripped away and he'd seen her more fragile and vulnerable than he ever imagined he would, and he shuddered. Maybe _that_ was at the heart of his quandary. Everything that had happened _had_ changed their friendship and brought it to an unfamiliar level; he didn't know what was expected of him anymore or what his place was.

Beth lifted her gaze and caught him watching her. With a questioning quirk of her lips, she asked, "What?"

"It's good to see you smiling again."

"It feels good," she replied. "You know, for the first time, I feel like I might actually be able to put the rape behind me—behind _us_. If it weren't for you and your stubborn belief that I need to face what happened instead of running from it like I wanted to, I probably wouldn't be here right now. I would have quit school and gone home and spent the rest of my life regretting it. So thank you for being here for me and for being the best friend any girl could ask for."

Because it felt like even the sincerest "you're welcome" was too cheap a response, Nick only smiled in response.

"Anyhow, are you ready? My outline's done."

"Yep. Let's go."

They walked down the hall to the cafeteria, and along the way, Beth playfully poked his newly freed arm and joked that he had some work to do to get it back in shape. He took her teasing with a smile, too glad that she was joking around again to be insulted.

His brothers and Michelle were waiting for them at a table in the back corner of the cafeteria, and Henry and Aaron cheered when they noticed that the sling was gone. Michelle stood when he arrived at the table and took his hands, then wrapped his arms around her and kissed him. From the corner of his vision, he saw Beth look away with a pained expression and, conscious of her discomfort, kept the kiss from getting carried away.

"Do you feel better now that you've got your arm back?" Michelle asked.

"Remarkably so."

"Really? Good enough to, uh, have a little fun tonight?" She tucked her hands in his back pockets and grinned, but her eyes sidetracked briefly to Beth. "Because it's been a while."

He stared at her. Since their talk out on the picnic table last week, she had given him plenty of space and hadn't again broached the subject of his changing friendship with Beth. Now, with that unsettling intensity in her eyes, he suspected she was done waiting. She wanted an answer, and she was testing him. Irritation flared, but he suppressed it.

"I still need to be careful with it for a while yet," he replied carefully, "but I think I could be persuaded."

He invited her to join him to get lunch, glancing at Beth to let her know he needed a little privacy. He offered to bring her something, and she agreed.

"Yeah, yeah, we get it, Nick," Henry remarked. "You're glad to be out of that sling. Doesn't mean you have to push it."

"Sure it does," he replied. "And I highly doubt a tray of food is going to push it."

As soon as he and Michelle were out of earshot of Beth and his brothers, he asked her quietly, "What the hell was that, Michelle? Were you _baiting_ me?"

"Maybe a little," she replied calmly. "I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little defensive today. You get your sling off and the first person you tell is her. I'm starting to see pretty clearly where your priorities are, and the fact that I think you're right isn't helping me. She needs you, and I know that, and I'm being a selfish bitch."

"I can't really blame you," he replied, relieved. He took her by the chin and kissed her lightly. "If the tables were turned, I imagine I'd feel the same way. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this."

"Thank you for that. And, by the way, I was serious about wanting a little quality time with you tonight," she remarked.

"And I was serious when I said I might be persuaded. I really do need to go easy on my shoulder, though."

Michelle laughed. "I promise I'll try not to hurt you."

They made their way through the food line and returned to their table. Nick set Beth's tray in front of her, and took a seat beside Michelle. The conversation stayed on safe topics, mostly around whether or not Michelle was planning on spending the weekend out on the ranch. A few minutes later, they were joined by June and Aelissm.

"So, June, I forgot to ask last night," Nick said. "How's work at the Ramshorn going?"

"Great. Mary and Marvin are good people," the pretty blonde sophomore replied.

"I love listening to you all talk about Northstar," Michelle remarked. "Makes me like it even more."

"It _is_ a pretty great place to be from," Aaron agreed. "You _are_ coming out this weekend, right, Michelle? Henry and I are going to try to ride Remington again. Should be entertaining."

"You'd be able to ride him if you were just a little more patient," Nick replied. "He likes you, but he's a complete prima donna, and he wants to be wooed."

"And you certainly know how to woo them, don't ya, Nick?" Henry teased.

"I obviously know more than you do, Hen," Nick retorted. "You and Lisa made it all of what, two weeks, before she dumped you?"

"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in a little more, why don't you."

"Nah. I still owe you for taking over my chores this weekend."

"In that case... too bad the doc let you ditch the sling."

"Don't say that, Henry," Beth said quietly. "Please."

"Jeez, Beth, it was just a joke."

"I know it was, but I'm glad he's healing."

"We all are," Aaron assured her. "So... now that Henry's apparently gone and stuffed his entire leg in his mouth again...."

"Just his foot this time," Beth said with a grin. "Though I hear it _was_ the leg on Friday when Lisa broke up with him."

"Really? Do we _have_ to bring that up?"

"What'd you do, Henry?" Aelissm inquired.

"She asked my honest opinion about a dress, and I told her."

"Dumbass," Aelissm said with a laugh. "Women never want honesty when it comes to fashion. They just want to hear how good they look."

"She _did_ look good... but it also made her look like she was fishing for a new boyfriend."

"And I'm guessing you said that," Beth said. She laughed. "Just _like_ that."

Henry shrugged. "Honestly, I wasn't that serious about her. I'm not like Nick here who's always looking for Mrs. Right."

"No, you're still happy playing around with Miss Right Now," Nick remarked. "You're such a tease, Henry."

"Guilty as charged."

Nick finished his sandwich and leaned back in his chair, again glad to be free of the sling as he knitted his hands behind his head. His shoulder complained a little, but it was a brief groan compared to the yelps of pain he'd gotten from it before. He listened with a contented smile on his face as the women at the table teased his brothers, and he couldn't help but notice how the twins flirted with June and Aelissm with a note of hopefulness in their voices. Aaron still had a girlfriend, and both June and Aeli were seeing the same guys, but none of them seemed particularly serious about their significant others. He didn't see either June or Aelissm taking his brothers up on their unspoken invitations, however. They were rather quiet, introverted women who preferred books and hanging out with a couple good friends, and Henry and Aaron were both still very much roughhousing, wild boys. He couldn't blame his brothers for trying; the two friends were remarkable women with the same rare, quiet confidence and generosity that made them as beautiful inside as out. It was that combination that had attracted him to Michelle, for she possessed it as well.

Beth possessed it, too, and though it had been badly shaken, it was coming back. Today, for the first time in two weeks, she'd worn something other than a long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans. She hadn't said anything, but he knew she'd used those shirts to hide the marks Trey had left on her arms and, on a more subliminal level, to minimize attention. The black, scooped-neck, short-sleeved T-shirt was far more feminine than anything she'd worn and showcased her elegant neck and shoulders. Nick glanced over her bared arms and could barely make out the last remnants of the bruises. Even the pink scars from the friction burns were barely noticeable. If he hadn't known they were there, he wouldn't be able to find them.

_Another reminder fading away_ , he mused. The invisible reminders, he knew, would not heal nearly as quickly. _But she's smiling and laughing again, and that's something_.

"You might want to tear your attention away from Beth for a few minutes," Aaron whispered in his ear. "Because your girlfriend is watching."

"Mind your own business, Aaron."

Aaron lifted his hands and leaned away, then craned his neck around, frowning. "What is Dean Harris doing here? And why does he have a cop with him?"

Nick swiveled in his chair and spotted Dean Harris making his way across the cafeteria toward their table with a police officer in tow. It took a moment to put a name to the cop, but Nick recognized him as Steven Rogers, a middle-aged man with thinning sandy-brown hair and a softening midsection whose attempt to build a stand-up reputation in his route to run for sheriff was soured by his pompous attitude. Nick took in the dean's grim expression and the officer's stiff officiousness, and unease quivered through him.

_What the hell now?_ he wondered.

"Nick, this is Officer Rogers," the dean said.

"I know who he is," Nick replied.

"Would you mind stepping out into the hall with us?" Officer Rogers inquired.

"I might. What's going on?"

"I think it best if we discussed this outside," Dean Harris said. "The rest of you go back to your meal."

Nick grudgingly stood and followed the dean and Officer Rogers out into the hallway. He folded his arms across his chest and waited for one or the other of the men to say whatever it was they needed to say, trying to maintain a calm demeanor despite the quaking premonition that things were about to take a very wrong turn.

Rogers cleared his throat. "Nicholas Hammond, you are—"

"Would you kindly give me a goddamned minute to speak with my student?" Rob interrupted.

The officer scowled but gestured for the dean to go ahead.

"Thank you." Dean Harris turned to Nick. "I need to know exactly what happened on the twenty-ninth. You said Beth was attacked and that you broke down her door and fought with her assailant. Was it Trey Holt who attacked her?"

Nick clamped his mouth shut.

"This is serious, Nick. Trey has accused you of assault, and the county attorney is filing charges against you."

There was a long silence, and Nick stared at Rob as the various meanings of those words knitted together to form an infuriating comprehension. It had been two weeks and almost a day since Trey had raped Beth, and he either believed she wasn't going to report it or in his egocentric opinion believed he hadn't raped her, which meant he could safely accuse Nick of assault because he was a vindictive narcissist. _And a goddamned coward._

"Come on, Nick. Just tell me what really happened. Trey is claiming you started a fight with him over Beth that night, and unless we're looking at two separate incidents...."

"I can't tell you what happened."

"Nick, please."

He shook his head.

"It doesn't matter what he says right now, anyhow, Dean Harris. The formal accusation has been made, and he's going to be spending the night in jail."

"I am _very_ well aware of that, Steve, but there are university-level sanctions he deserves to be made aware of before you haul him off."

"They can wait until after he's been read his rights. Nicholas Hammond," Officer Rogers said, "you are under arrest for assaulting Trey Holt on the night of August twenty-ninth. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you...."

Nick vaguely heard Rogers recite the rest of his Miranda rights amidst the raging flood of emotions. The unfairness of it all nearly destroyed his resolve to maintain his silence on Beth's behalf, and internally, he railed against the position he'd been put in. He'd never in his life gotten so much as a speeding ticket, yet here he was facing at least one night in jail and who knew what other consequences. Would he be allowed to finish school if he was convicted? Even if he wasn't, would he be able to salvage this semester and still graduate on time? What would his parents think?

One question shoved all the rest out of his mind, and it made him ill.

_What about Beth?_

Terror seized him when he realized he wouldn't be here to protect her if Trey tried anything tonight, and he doubled over, bracing his hands on his knees as fear shifted sickeningly into helplessness and then into bitterness. This wouldn't be happening if she would just report the rape because that would make his actions perfectly legal within the scope of self-defense. And yet, even as he thought it, he hated himself. The consequences for her would be far worse than those he faced. His future was set—as long as his parents didn't decide to disinherit him for this—with or without a college degree. If Beth were to report the rape, she would be dragged through the whole thing again and again as the Holts tried to discredit her claim.

"What about school?" he heard himself ask because he needed something—anything—else to focus on. "What sanctions?"

"University policy states that your arrest requires me to take immediate action to—and I'm quoting the policy here, not accusing you—maintain the safety of the students at this campus. Because of your flawless record and outstanding service to this campus," Rob said, pausing to glance pointedly at Rogers, "I am allowed to place you on disciplinary probation rather than temporarily suspended."

"Disciplinary probation? What does that mean?"

"Pending a verdict or dismissal of charges due to lack of evidence..." Rob again paused with a scowl that said clearly he believed there wasn't enough evidence of assault to warrant charges. "...you are prohibited from attending classes. However, you will be able to continue your coursework independently through arrangements made with your professors. You will also maintain your residence in the dorms and your position as Resident Assistant. There are additional conditions. You are to stay at least fifty feet away from Trey at all times, and you are not allowed to enter the JDC complex other that to retrieve your mail or visit my office."

All in all, it was more than Nick would have expected and quite generous. Nick met the dean's gaze. It was a friend, not the Dean of Students, he saw and who pleaded silently with him to reconsider, and amidst the darker emotions, gratitude blossomed, and he almost buckled.

"I do not believe this was assault," Dean Harris continued. "I _know_ in my heart that it was self-defense, but I can't prove it without your help, Nick. The only people who know what happened that night are you, Beth, and Trey. And the only one talking is Trey. You are facing jail time and possibly a fine. Do you understand that?"

Nick straightened, bolstered by the knowledge that Dean Harris believed him and believed _in_ him. It reaffirmed his conviction that he was doing the right thing by protecting Beth from further torment. With a firm voice, he replied, "I understand, sir, and I accept the consequences of my actions."

"Then there's nothing I can do to help you right now."

"Thank you for trying. I appreciate it."

The dean turned to Rogers. "Does he really look or act like a kid who would assault someone over a girl?"

"It's not my job to make that kind of call," Rogers replied. "If you'd turn around with your hands behind your back, Mr. Hammond...."

"That's really not necessary, Steve," Rob said.

"I'll say what's necessary. Mr. Hammond?"

Nick turned his back to the cop, cringing at the uncomfortable pull on his still-healing shoulder when he put his wrists together. He looked up and immediately noticed that his brothers, Beth, Michelle, June, and Aelissm watched from the doorway of the cafeteria. Michelle mouthed the words, _Please, just tell them._ He held her gaze a moment, sensing that he was staring at the end of his relationship. Not because he thought she'd break up with him for being arrested but because he was once again putting Beth before her. He pinched his eyes closed and clenched his jaw, but it did little to assuage the throbbing regret.

When he opened his eyes again, Henry and Aaron were staring over their shoulders at Trey, who watched from across the cafeteria with a smug gleam in his eyes. Nick consciously had to relax his hands to keep them from curling into fists. He held Trey's gaze until, to his surprise, Beth spoke.

"Please don't do this, Officer Rogers," she said quietly.

"I have to. It's my job."

The sudden touch of cold metal against Nick's wrists as Rogers cuffed him made him shudder. It should be Trey being arrested, not him. Still, he held his tongue. It wasn't his decision or his right to reveal the rape even though it appeared he would be taking the fall for it.

"But it wasn't assault. It was self-defense."

"This is none of your business, young lady," Rogers retorted.

"Yes, it is! He was protecting me!"

"Protecting you from what?" Dean Harris asked.

Beth opened her mouth and closed it as tears welled in her eyes. The terror inscribed on her face broke Nick's heart, and he shook his head. He couldn't watch her struggle with this again, not when she was finally opening up.

"Well?" Rogers inquired impatiently.

"Trey... he...." She turned her gaze back to Nick, and for a moment, he thought she might say it, but she faltered and finally said, "I'm so sorry. I can't do it."

"It's okay," Nick told her. "It'll be okay."

"Let's go, Mr. Hammond."

"Aaron, Henry," Nick said. His brothers immediately turned toward him. "Keep Trey away from her."

"Let's _go_ , Mr. Hammond," Rogers repeated, tugging on the handcuffs.

Nick straightened, and with one last glance at his companions, he went willingly with Rogers. Stupidly, he'd begun to think Beth was right for maintaining her silence. She was regaining her confidence, getting comfortable in her routine, and beginning to enjoy life again, and reporting the rape would throw everything out of balance again. Best to let it fade away into nothing more than a horrible memory.

_How wrong we were_ , he thought bitterly.

Beth watched Officer Rogers lead Nick away in handcuffs, sickened by her inability to voice the words that would keep him out of jail. Every ounce of courage Nick had helped her find had evaporated, leaving her paralyzed by fear and self-loathing. Part of her wished he had said something in his own defense and would have been relieved if he had because then this whole ugly thing would be out in the open. The rest of her had been terrified that he might buckle under the pressure of possibly watching all his hard work toward his degree turn into three wasted years. But he hadn't, and as relieved as she was, she now hated herself.

Dean Harris turned to her and held her gaze for almost a minute, begging her to say something to help Nick. She tried again. And failed again. He shook his head sadly and walked away. She watched him wander down her hall, pause at her door to inspect the repairs, and disappear up the stairs at the far end.

Nauseated and shaky, Beth turned to head back into the cafeteria but stopped dead in her tracks. Trey stood just a foot away from her, grinning maliciously. She shivered and took several steps back, but he advanced.

"You'd better watch yourself, little girl," he hissed. "Nick's not here to protect you now."

"Hey, asshole!" Aaron barked, striding toward them. "Get the hell away from her!"

"Or you'll do what, exactly?"

"Make what Nick did feel like a nice massage," Henry answered.

"And join your big brother in jail?" Trey taunted. "Go ahead and try me. _Please_."

"Gladly," Aaron replied with a feral smile that chilled Beth. "Nick's not here to stop us."

"Boys!" June snapped.

At once, all three turned toward her, startled. Even Beth stared at her in surprise. She was normally so quiet and composed that the no-nonsense expression on her face was all the more powerful.

"Technically, Trey, you could be arrested for assault, too," she said quietly. "You shoved first last Wednesday, and there were plenty of witnesses to it. So unless you want me to bring that up to Officer Rogers, I suggest you leave Beth and Aaron and Henry alone."

Trey regarded her with cynicism twisting his lips, then glanced between the others gathered around, and realizing that he had no friends nearby, he decided against further antagonizing Henry and Aaron. Shrugging, he returned to the cafeteria.

"Go ahead and run away like the coward you are," Aaron muttered.

"Aaron," June said, turning her gaze on him. "Shut up."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Now that our meal is thoroughly ruined," June remarked, "I'm heading back to my room. I have homework to do."

Henry and Michelle volunteered to clear their table, and Aelissm and June walked with Beth down the hall. Beth unlocked her door and pushed it open but hesitated to go inside, wondering what nightmares would plague her tonight.

"Are you going to be all right?" June asked.

"As long as Trey actually stays away, I should be."

"I'm not talking about that."

Beth eyed her, a little unnerved by the way June seemed to be reading her thoughts. She shrugged, but when the younger woman's brows quirked upward, she knew June didn't buy her dismissal. She'd known June a little over a year now and had gotten to know her fairly well—was even beginning to consider her a pretty good friend—but she didn't know if she'd ever get used to the younger woman's uncanny insightfulness.

"I don't know," Beth answered honestly. "I was starting to think I'd be okay, but now...."

June glanced toward her room. "I have a paper to finish, but if you want, I can come by later. I'll bring a pizza for dinner, and we can watch a movie or play cards or something."

"That'd be great. Thank you," Beth replied. She pulled her door closed and locked it again. "In the meantime, I'm going to try to talk to Dean Harris. See if maybe there's something I can do."

"All right. See you later."

Beth followed her to her room at the end of the hall, waved, and headed up the stairs and outside. She headed left toward JDC and spotted the dean striding up the ramp to the main door. She jogged to catch up with him, hoping she wouldn't have to walk into the building alone because who knew where Trey was right now.

"Rob!" she called just before he reached the door. He stopped and turned to wait for her to catch up. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course, Beth. Come on into my office."

She followed him down the long hall, feeling a little claustrophobic. With the close proximity of Trey's room, the narrowness made her nervous, like she was walking into a mountain lion's den. She wished she'd asked the dean to speak with her outside.

His office was located behind the small Student Life Office, and after he closed the door, she felt marginally safer.

"All right, Beth. What did you need to talk to me about?" Dean Harris asked.

"Would it help Nick if I told you that, last Wednesday when he and I were out dancing at the Club Bar with some friends, Trey walked into the bar and started shoving him? That's assault, isn't it?"

"Yes, but it most likely wouldn't help him. Even if the two incidents are related—I don't doubt that they are—last Wednesday's occurred after the one for which Nick was arrested. If anything, it might hurt his case because the prosecutor could say it shows a pattern of aggression."

"Please, Rob. I have to help him. There has to be something I can do."

"You said Nick was defending you. Does that mean it _was_ Trey who attacked you that night?"

Beth met and held his gaze defiantly, unable to say the words. _Unable or unwilling?_ she wondered. _Why can't I just say it?_

She neither nodded in confirmation nor shook her head in denial, and Dean Harris sighed.

"Beth, if Trey attacked you and you can prove it, that makes Nick's actions clearly self-defense, negating the accusation of assault. Aside from that, I need to do something about it, if only at _this_ level. What really happened on the twenty-ninth?"

This time, she shook her head, understanding that she was more unwilling than unable to tell him what Trey did. Dean Harris was a fair man, and she respected him, but he wasn't from Devyn, and he didn't understand the pull Trey's family had in the community. "I can't. You don't understand what will happen if I do."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a small community, and if I report what happened that night, I will have to deal with the consequences for the rest of my life." She paused for a moment, sensing the answer to her question before she even asked it. "Please. Isn't there some other way to help Nick?"

"I don't think so. Granted, I haven't had time yet to do much investigating, and from what I've seen and heard, there is very little evidence supporting the allegation of assault, but several students and professors have witnessed Nick threatening Trey."

"He's never threatened Trey! Not once. At worst, he's warned him to stay away from me, but he has not once _threatened_ him."

"What's the difference?" Rob said in a way that told her he was asking her to clarify rather than dismissing her statement.

"If he had threatened Trey, he would have said something like _stay away or I'll punch you,_ right?"

"And he's never said anything like that?"

"No. Not once. I swear."

"What about last Wednesday?"

She shook her head. "He asked if they needed to take it outside, but he didn't threaten."

"I believe you, Beth, I do. I've gotten to know Nick pretty well, and none of what the Holts are saying sounds like the kid I know. He is possibly the most levelheaded kid I've ever met, and I don't believe he'd attack Trey without extreme provocation—I would've had to suspend him otherwise. If you truly want to help Nick, you need to find a way to speak up about what happened that night... to prove it was self-defense."

"It's not that easy."

"I didn't say it would be," Dean Harris said. "Doing the right thing rarely is. I want to help you, Beth, but I can't unless you talk to me."

"Thank you, sir," she said and abruptly turned to leave.

"Beth, wait."

She turned on her heel to face him again.

"If you choose to report whatever happened that night, go straight to the police. Like you said, the Holts are a powerful family in this community, and I doubt the university will want to take action against them for fear of them suing the school. And, Beth? If you need anything at all, I'll do everything I can to help you."

"Thank you, Rob."

After she left, she wondered if maybe Dean Harris had a better grasp of the situation than she had thought. He certainly seemed to. He understood why she couldn't report the rape, and she believed he probably had a good idea of what had happened that night. He hadn't earned top honors at his own college for no reason. She also suspected that—unlike the other deans—he would do everything he could to help her and Nick, but his hands were tied because he had no proof. She really was the only person who could keep Nick out of trouble, but she couldn't do it. Even the thought of revealing that Trey had raped her—it _was_ getting easier to use the term, she noted—paralyzed her with fear.

Guilt gnawed at her all the way back to her room, and she almost didn't see Trey watching her from one of the picnic tables on the lawn in front of Mathews Hall. As soon as she spotted him, she stopped in her tracks. That same smug gleam was back in his eyes, and she wondered why she'd never realized how deep his selfishness ran. Nick had seen it. He'd warned her about it just a handful of hours before Trey himself had violently revealed it. Anger flickered through her, chasing away the chill of fear. Dean Harris was right. There was only one way to resolve this god-awful mess, and it wasn't going to be easy, but she had to find a way to do it.

Impulsively, she flipped Trey off, and when he blew her a kiss and made a thrusting motion with his hips, she set her jaw and headed inside, thinking, _You took it once, but you won't get it again. Never again._

# Nine

Nick glanced around at the sterile white walls of the room, then at the scarred table top between him and his lawyer, Hal McInerny. At a towering six-foot-three with a heavily muscled frame, dressed casually in Wranglers and a crisp, button-up Western shirt, and missing the stereotypical leather briefcase, Hal didn't look much like a lawyer, but Nick knew he was in capable hands with this old friend of his family.

Nick dropped his gaze to his wrists; he could still feel the hard edges of the handcuffs against his skin like the cold fingers of a phantom, and he absently reached to rub it away.

"How are you holding up, kid?" Hal asked.

"All right, I guess," Nick replied. "I'm angry, obviously. Bored out of my mind. And I could take an hour-long shower and still not feel clean."

"Nothing too surprising about any of that. I'm sorry for keeping you waiting so long, but I wanted to do a little digging before I talked to you. I'm told Beth is saying it was self-defense, that you were protecting her. How so?"

"The only person who can say that is Beth," Nick said tiredly, wondering how many times he had said some variation of that statement in the last two weeks.

"How can we convince her to—"

"I don't know, and even if I did, I wouldn't ask her to."

"Why not?"

"Because the consequences for her would be much worse than those for me. I will gladly go to jail if it means she doesn't have to face more than she already has. What am I looking at?"

"You're looking at a misdemeanor, so at most, a five-hundred-dollar fine and six months in jail."

"That's _if_ the judge decides to throw that old book at me, which I doubt because I have no record. Hell, Hal, I've never even been pulled over."

Hal cracked a smile. "That will certainly help you, and it'll make my job a _little_ easier. Of course, handing me a provable self-defense claim would make it a cinch."

Nick took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he thought about how to make Hal understand why he refused to breach Beth's trust. He'd had several hours with little else to occupy his mind to consider the various consequences of the situation. The fact that Trey had accused him of assault assured Nick that his old teammate wanted a fight, undoubtedly because he couldn't stand being beaten or intimidated. It was all too clear to Nick that, if Trey couldn't take his aggression out on Nick through the courts should Beth report the rape and nullify the assault charge, he'd surely attack Beth. He recalled Dr. Phillips's suggestion that reporting the rape would help Beth gain control over it, but Nick saw now that any good that might come of doing so would be annihilated by the legal battle that would ensue. "If Beth tells everyone what happened that night, pits herself against Trey.... You know the Holts. What do you think will happen to her?"

"They'll do everything they can to discredit her. Drag her through the damned mud."

"Exactly. I can't let that happen."

"While I admire your loyalty to her, you _can_ tell _me_. I'm your lawyer, and everything you reveal to me is strictly confidential. I promise you, if you don't want me to use it in your defense, I won't."

It was tempting, and Nick fully believed he could trust Hal to keep his confidence, but he shook his head. "You're good at your job, Hal, and even if you didn't use what happened directly, it might be disclosed inadvertently. I'm sorry, but I can't risk it."

Hal held his gaze for a long while, waiting and perhaps hoping he would falter, but Nick's mind was made up. His hours of pondering had shown him that he had no other choice because he couldn't let Beth be hurt again. He owed her nothing less.

"All right," Hal said at last, sighing heavily. "It's your neck."

"Thank you for not trying to talk me out of it."

His lawyer only nodded in acknowledgement.

Nick steepled his fingers for a moment with his elbows braced on the table, then leaned back in his chair. "What is Trey saying happened?"

"He's claiming the fight was over Beth, that you were jealous and wanted her for yourself."

Nick snorted. "The fight was definitely over Beth, but that is not even close to the truth. I have a girlfriend who, until all this happened, I thought I might be serious enough about to marry."

"That's Michelle, right?"

He nodded.

"Your mother told me about her. She sounds like a lovely girl."

"She is, but by the time this is all over, I'll be amazed if she still wants anything to do with me." His voice cracked as something akin to grief threatened to overwhelm him. He folded his arms on the table and pillowed his head on them for a moment, regretting the uncertainty he was putting Michelle through. She deserved better. Without lifting his head, he said, "It doesn't matter right now, though."

"From what Tracie has told me, I'm sure she'll understand."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Let's focus on one trauma at a time, all right? And when you're out of here, _then_ you can worry about Michelle. Sound like a plan?"

Nick sat up again and nodded listlessly.

"Now, Trey says you started the fight when you shoved him into a wall and that he punched you in self-defense—hit your shoulder because you ducked. After that, he says you picked him up and slammed him into the ground and that his head struck the floor, resulting in a minor concussion. He also claims he clipped your face after you took him down, which explains the cut on your cheek. How much of that is fact and how much is fiction?"

"That much is true, but I doubt he had a concussion. He played in the game that weekend, and Coach Tanner wouldn't have let him play so soon with even a minor concussion."

"I'll check into that. How'd you take him down?"

"A textbook double-leg take-down." Nick laughed humorlessly. "My old wrestling coach would've been proud."

"Impressive. Not the first time you've taken him down like that, if I recall correctly."

"What else is he saying happened?"

"That you punched him in the face a couple of times, bloodied and fractured his nose, and gave him two black eyes. After that, he says he blacked out and can't remember what happened, just that you were long gone when he regained full consciousness."

It was no trouble to recall exactly what had happened, and Nick's lip curled as he did. "That sounds almost right, but he's leaving out a lot, and I didn't hit him in the nose."

"Then who did?"

Nick pressed his lips firmly together and didn't answer.

"Did _Beth_ do that?"

Again, he didn't respond.

"There's also the matter of how you dislocated your shoulder. Trey didn't mention it, and when he was asked about it, he thought you must have done it before or after. Here's where it gets fishy for me. I talked to Dean Harris, Neil Ericksen, and Jeff Opheim, and they all tell me that you said you dislocated your shoulder breaking down Beth's door because she was attacked. Neil and Rob both have reports on the damage, so I know that much at least is true. Either you lied to Rob, Neil, and Jeff about Beth being attacked, which I absolutely do not believe, or Trey knows exactly how you dislocated your shoulder and won't say because he was doing something that could get him in trouble."

Hal leveled his gaze at Nick and waited. Nick didn't doubt his lawyer had a very good idea of why he'd broken into Beth's room that night. Perhaps he hadn't figured out the exact details yet, but he suspected enough that Nick squirmed beneath Hal's piercing scrutiny.

"I can't, Hal. I have to protect her however I can because I couldn't that night." Nick rolled his shoulders in a useless attempt to loosen the tension gathering in them and did his best to dispel the suffocating sense of hopelessness and failure. A thought occurred to him, and he wondered again why it had taken Trey so long to make the accusation of assault. Had he worried Beth would report the rape? He'd certainly seemed proud enough of it last Wednesday, bragging to Darryl that he'd done it. "Did anyone happen to say why it took Trey two weeks to accuse me of assault?"

"Supposedly, he didn't want to report it at all because you were a friend, but he claims he began to fear for his safety because you—and I quote—'continued to display hostility,'" Hal replied. "While the idea of that is laughable, I do believe he is in fact afraid of you."

"It's entirely laughable. I've been in a sling the last two weeks." Nick almost chuckled at that, but he recalled clearly the fear in Trey's eyes when they'd nearly gotten into it again at the Club Bar last week. "If he is, it's because his delicate ego can't handle someone proving he's not as tough as he thinks he is."

"This is where things could get tricky for you. Trey has a list of people who claim they have witnessed your hostility. Students and a couple of professors from the college. Can you think of anyone I can talk to who might skew things in your favor and maybe show _him_ as the aggressor?"

"Yeah. The bartender at the Club Bar. Lacey is her name, I believe. She always works Wednesday nights. We were there last week—Michelle, Beth, my brothers, June Montana, and Aelissm Davis. They can all tell you, too."

"What happened last week?"

"We went dancing, and Trey came in while we were taking a break. He shoved me, and I shoved back."

"But he initiated it?"

"Yes."

"I'll see what I can find out about that," Hal said. "It might help you, it might hurt you. Is there anything else—anything at all?"

"That's it."

"Your arraignment isn't until tomorrow afternoon at three o'clock. I'm sorry, but that's the earliest I could get. Seems the police have been busy today."

Nick shrugged. "It is what it is."

"Here's what's going to happen. After documenting that you are the accused and that you are aware of the charges against you, you'll be asked to enter your plea, and don't you dare think about pleading guilty. As far as I can see from my preliminary investigations, the only real evidence against you is Trey's word and the fact that your injuries match what he says, and unless something else comes up, that's not enough for a conviction."

"There are also Rob's, Neil's, and Jeff's statements confirming that I was present in Beth's room when Trey says I assaulted him."

"Yes, but they didn't witness the alleged assault. You _will_ enter a plea of _not_ guilty, Nick."

"But a guilty plea would make everything go away, and it's likely I wouldn't receive the full—"

"Not guilty, Nick. Do you hear me?"

"But—"

"I understand that you're looking out for Beth, but it's my job to look out for _you_. You plead guilty and you can kiss your degree goodbye because university policy dictates that you will be expelled upon a guilty verdict _or_ plea. They don't fool around with charges of physical harm to other students." Hal cleared his throat. "Dean Harris told me about your disciplinary probation. I hope you understand that he's gone to bat for you. Please don't throw that away because there's a chance—a good one—that you won't be convicted. In that case, your record will be expunged, and you will be free to finish your degree. _Then_ it all goes away. So, tell me. What will you plead tomorrow?"

"Not guilty."

"Good boy. Now, after the plea, the judge will set a time for a pre-trial hearing and a trial date. Got all that?"

Nick nodded. Someone tapped on the door window, and he looked up to see an officer peering inside. When their gaze's met, the cop lifted his arm and gestured to his watch.

"Time's up," Hal remarked. "I'm heading out to Northstar now to talk to your parents. Is there anything you'd like me to say to them for you?"

"Yes. Tell them I love them, and I'm sorry, but this is the right thing to do."

"I hope you're right." Hal scribbled a few notes on his tiny spiral-bound notebook, then tucked it and his pen back in his breast pocket and stood.

"Thank you, Hal."

His lawyer gave him a hug and whispered, "Stay strong, Nick. I promise we'll win this."

When he was back in his cell after Hal left, Nick stretched out on the thin, narrow mattress of the single bunk. At least he didn't have to share a cell with anyone. As Hal had mentioned, the jail was full tonight, mostly with drunks. One individual, a man of indeterminate age in the cell across from him, serenaded them with a terrible, tone-deaf rendition of a country song Nick could only vaguely make out. As the hours passed, the tedium grew, and with nothing else to do but think of why he was in here listening to a drunk wail on, doubt and worry descended on him.

His primary concern was not his arraignment tomorrow or the pre-trial meeting or even the trial—if it went that far. It was Beth. He had vowed to protect her, but how could he do that when he was sitting in jail? Was Trey keeping his distance? He wouldn't put it past Trey to take advantage of his absence to harass Beth, and Nick fervently hoped that his brothers were heeding his plea. He also hoped they wouldn't do anything stupid to get themselves in trouble if Trey decided to bother Beth.

"Christ. What a screwed up situation," he muttered.

"Wha's a matter, lover boy?" the drunk across from him inquired.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Nick replied. "Go back to your terrible singing."

"Ah, don' be like that, ssssweet thing. You hurt me. You hurt me deep."

"I'm sure you'll get over it."

As the drunk took up another song, Nick's mind drifted back a few hours. It wrenched his heart to recall the renewed terror and guilt in Beth's gaze when she had tried and failed to tell Dean Harris why Nick's actions were self-defense. He wondered how she was holding up and prayed she wasn't being too hard on herself. None of this was her fault, and he was angry with himself for thinking, even for a moment when Officer Rogers had arrested him, that any of it was. He would _never_ blame her for it because every tear, every doubt, and every second Nick spent in jail was entirely Trey's doing.

He hadn't let himself recall the rape in any detail in some time, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking of every horrible moment of it now. Beth's screams echoed in his head as if he was hearing them again, and he clenched his fists uselessly, as unable to stop the parade of memories as he had been unable to prevent Trey from assaulting her. The image of her, naked and terrified with her hands bound behind her back by Trey's belt, still made him shiver as a poisonous torrent of raw emotions surged through him—crippling anger and helplessness and paralyzing grief for the loss of her sweet innocence. It wasn't the physical injuries that cut him the deepest; those were healing and would soon exist only in memory. It was the emotional damage that threatened to tear his heart out. He didn't know if Beth would ever again be able to look at the world without seeing danger lurking in every shadow.

He pulled a knee up and covered his face with his hands as a perplexing realization settled over him.

The desire to beat Trey until he was unrecognizable was potent, and he recalled feeling that exact impulse that night... and yet, he hadn't given in. His instinct to help and protect Beth had overridden the raging bloodlust and vengeance.

_She moves, you move._

Michelle's words echoed in his head, ringing with truth. Somehow, in the moment he'd broken into Beth's room to answer her cries for help, she had become the center of his world. His every thought and action since that night had been focused on helping her however he could. Michelle was right that how he felt about Beth was changing. Had already changed. She was no longer simply his friend. When they had been only friends, he hadn't felt the constant need to protect her. He'd always looked out for her just as he looked out for his brothers, but he hadn't felt any of the possessiveness he did now. He shook his head. No, that wasn't right because she didn't belong to him. At once, he knew exactly the source of this overwhelming need and desire to do everything he could to make sure she was safe and happy no matter what the cost to him.

_Devotion._

The word settled into place like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, completing the picture, and he folded his hands comfortably on his chest as if that single realization had suddenly knocked everything else into place. In a way, it had. He knew _why_ he was doing this, and he knew he wouldn't break under the pressure because that reason was stronger than anything he'd felt in his life. He was hers in whatever way she wanted him and in whatever way she needed him.

Maybe it was seeing Beth so entirely helpless and watching her fall apart time and again and slowly begin to pull herself back together that made him feel this way, but he doubted it and doubted, too, that this feeling would fade as she healed.

_It won't ever fade because I've always felt this way. I just didn't realize it_ , he thought. _And if that's true, why in the hell did it take her getting raped to make me see it?_

Before guilt had a chance to dig in, he looked instead at why he hadn't seen it, and the answer was surprisingly simple. There had been boundaries and a lifelong status quo that had prevented him from ever probing his relationship with Beth to see if there might be more to it, but those boundaries had all been shattered that night. Necessity had broken them into so many pieces that they were now irreparable, and in that ongoing process, new possibilities were opening up.

He thought about all the times they'd danced and how they moved so effortlessly together, completely in tune with one another. Unhindered by self-imposed restrictions, Nick allowed himself to recall the feel of her body pressed against his and how, if he had ever let himself acknowledge it, he would have been forced to admit that he enjoyed it. She was so petite and yet so resilient, both physically and emotionally. Then he recalled how tiny and fragile she'd seemed while he'd held her on the floor of the bathroom after she'd been raped, and the flare of desire chilled immediately. The fuel remained, however, waiting patiently to be reignited.

His relationship with Michelle was over. That much was certain. He couldn't keep trying to pretend his love for her was nearly as powerful as the devotion that bound him to Beth, and it wasn't fair to lead her on. She was an incredible woman and deserved more than what he could offer her. He didn't know if Beth would ever be whole again or if she would want him, but he was tied to her now and probably always had been.

It was like the clouds had burst and every thing came pouring down on him. He put his hands over his face and let the tears flow silently.

Hours after her rather unproductive talk with Dean Harris, Beth was still mulling over what he'd said, and no matter how much she wanted to deny it, she knew he was entirely right. There was simply no other way she could prove Nick had acted in her defense without revealing exactly why he'd had to.

A knock on her door put her useless pondering on hold. She smelled the pizza even before she opened the door for June, and her stomach rumbled.

"No Aelissm?" Beth asked.

"No, she's over working in the metals shop on some project or other."

"Ah. You two spend so much time together that it seems strange to see you apart."

June laughed. "Yeah, I guess we do. Been joined at the hip since we were five. A bit like you and Nick. And speaking of Nick, how'd your talk with Dean Harris go? Were you able to figure anything out?"

"Not really," Beth replied as she cleared off the top of her nightstand so June could set the pizza box down. "Other than the fact that I am a total coward."

"I highly doubt that."

"Oh, I am. I know exactly what I need to do to prove it wasn't assault, but I can't do it." Hugging herself tightly, she paced the length of her room, suddenly uncomfortable. "It's my fault Nick is sitting in jail because I'm not strong enough to do what he wanted me to do in the first place."

"It's _not_ your fault, Beth."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it really isn't," June insisted. "I don't know what all happened that night, but I do know that if Trey hadn't done something terrible, Nick wouldn't have felt the need to defend you, which means he wouldn't be in jail right now. This is Trey's fault, not yours." She pulled a slice of pizza out of the box, flopped it on one of the paper plates she'd brought, and handed it to Beth.

Beth took it and sat beside the younger woman on her bed, but the pizza sat ignored on her lap as she stared blindly at the wall. Logic argued that June and everyone else who'd told her the exact same thing was right, but the fact remained that she could have prevented Nick from being arrested by reporting the rape immediately. The rape had happened—there was no going back and stopping it—but she could still do something about Nick's arrest. That put the blame on her.

"I don't have to know exactly what happened to know this is entirely Trey's fault," June continued. "Because I know Nick, and even if I didn't... I have eyes. Trey was a complete ass last week at the Club."

"I can't argue with that," Beth replied. "Looking back, I can't believe I was so stupid about him. He's always been selfish. Nick even called him a total narcissist when he walked me home that night—the twenty-ninth."

"He is most definitely that."

"I just didn't know he could be so...."

June waited almost a minute before she tried to fill in the word Beth couldn't say. "Rude? Self-absorbed? Crass?"

"Savage," Beth said.

Her companion regarded her with surprise, but it dissipated quickly, and Beth had the feeling that June had just realized exactly what Trey had done. She was too polite to ask, however, and Beth was grateful. It was difficult enough to talk about the rape with Nick, who had witnessed it, and it would be impossible to talk about it with someone she'd known barely more than a year even though she knew June would listen without judgment; the girl had a quiet way about her that invited one to open up and talk to her with the assurance of complete confidentiality.

Another knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Frowning, Beth set her untouched pizza aside to see who it was. She peered through the peephole and almost groaned when she saw Michelle standing on the other side of the door. Because she was certain Michelle had heard their voices and because she knew Nick wouldn't appreciate her being rude to his girlfriend, Beth opened the door and greeted Michelle with a forced smile.

"Hi, Michelle."

"Hi, Beth." She glanced briefly to the side, then turned her attention fully on Beth. "I thought I would stop by and see if you wanted to eat dinner with me, Henry, and Aaron... and June and Aelissm, if they're up for it."

"Um, thanks, but June brought pizza," Beth said, stepping aside and gesturing to her friend. "I'd invite you to join us, but she only brought enough for the two of us."

"That's okay," Michelle replied. "I figured you might not be up for dinner in the cafeteria... but I wanted to stop by to make sure you're all right. Nick would want me to check on you."

"I'm okay. Thank you."

"Are you sure about that?" Michelle asked, gesturing to her door.

Beth craned her neck around to look at her whiteboard. Instead of the picture she'd drawn at the very start of the semester of a horse beneath mountains, the word "slut" was scrawled across it. She immediately recognized Trey's angular handwriting. She stared at it for a few moments, waiting for shock or shame or some other paralyzing emotion to wrap her in its grip. Nothing came. The childish insult was barely an afterthought to what Trey had already done. With her conversation with Dean Harris still in her mind, she understood that she needed to document it. How it might help her or Nick, she didn't have a clue, but she knew she needed the evidence of his harassment. Methodically, she went back into her room to get her camera, snapped a picture, then wiped the board clean. With a calm disconnection, she wondered when he'd written it because June hadn't mentioned it when she arrived, and Beth was certain she would have if she'd seen it.

"Classy, Trey," she muttered and set her camera aside as she turned back to Michelle. "How are you doing with all this? I'm sure Nick being in jail can't be easy on you."

Michelle shrugged. "I'm all right. He's doing what he believes is right, so I guess I don't have any choice but to accept that."

"I hope you don't think any less of him because of this. He _did_ do the right thing that night, and it wasn't assault."

"So you said. No, I don't think anything less of him, but...."

Beth didn't like the way she let her thought hang unfinished. _But what?_ Irritation flared. It was one thing to be upset with Nick for spending too much time with Beth but something else entirely if Michelle chose to think he'd acted out of anything but chivalry that night. She'd been dating him for nearly five months, so presumably she knew him well enough to know that he'd never stoop to brawling.

"You don't believe what Trey is saying—that Nick started the fight because he was jealous I was with Trey—do you? Because that is an outright lie and a huge disservice to Nick if you believe it."

"I don't believe it," Michelle assured her. "I just don't know that his heart is in our relationship anymore. I promise you that, if anything, I respect him even more for standing up for what he believes is right."

"I'm glad to hear that."

Michelle eyed her curiously, then seemed to push aside whatever questions she wanted to ask and said, "Anyhow, I'd better get going."

"Thank you for stopping by," Beth said as politely as she could manage. "Have a good night."

"Yeah. You, too."

Beth watched her stride away, then quietly closed the door and pressed her forehead against it. What was wrong with her? Michelle had stopped by to offer support, and she'd reacted like a jealous twit. Setting her envy aside, she genuinely liked Michelle and had believed, before all this happened, that they had the potential to be great friends. But everything had changed, and Nick, who would've brought them together, now stood between them.

"If I had any clue how to play the guitar, I could use the tension between the two of you for a string," June remarked after Beth returned to the bed and sat down again.

"I really like her, but at the same time... I hate her," Beth said slowly. "And I know I shouldn't."

"Want to tell me what's going on?"

Beth inhaled deeply and held it for several thudding beats of her heart before she let it out. She could try to claim she was jealous because Michelle was too tall, too pretty, too smart, and too confident, but June was too intelligent to fall for that, so she decided to be honest. "She has Nick."

"Ah."

Beth thought back to last week, when she'd watched Nick walk away and suddenly realized how incredibly attractive he was, and told June about it. "I never looked at him that way before, and now that I have, I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's stupid because Nick will never see me as anything but a friend, but I can't help it."

"I'm not so sure it's stupid. Do you remember when Rogers put the handcuffs on him today?"

"I'll never forget."

"You'd think he'd be wanting to reassure his girlfriend that everything would be all right, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

"He didn't hardly notice her standing there. He was too concerned about _you._ And who did he tell his brothers to watch out for? You. Not Michelle."

That didn't surprise Beth. Of course he'd be concerned about her because, without him there to make sure Trey kept his distance, who knew what Trey would do?

"There are other things, too," June said. "Like the way he looks at you when you dance. You're the center of his attention, and he doesn't see anyone but you."

"I'm sure he looks at Michelle the same way."

"No, he doesn't. Not anymore. I think he and Michelle may be on their way out. I think she likes you well enough as a person, but she's definitely jealous of you. She was baiting you a little at lunch with that 'it's been a while' comment."

"Yeah? How do you know that?"

"She glanced at you when she said it, watching for your reaction. I don't know if it was intentional, but she was testing you both. And I don't think Nick gave her quite the response she'd hoped for because she looked a little disappointed, and when he said whatever he said to her in the lunch line, she had this look on her face like she knew she'd stepped out of line."

Beth started to say June was wrong, but she honestly didn't know. She had looked away. Thinking back on that moment, however, it _did_ seem like Michelle had acted with more brazen demand than suited what Beth knew of her. Was it possible that she wasn't the only one sensing a change in her friendship with Nick? Did he feel it, too? When she'd asked last week if she was causing problems in his relationship with Michelle, he'd told her not to worry about it... but he hadn't denied it. _Whatever will be will be_ , he'd said. Even as something unnamable quickened her pulse, she found another reason to hate herself.

Michelle made Nick happy, and Beth was screwing that up. Just like she was screwing up the rest of his life.

That thought carried her through the rest of her evening with June.

After they'd cleared the mess from their dinner, June stood at the door, watching Beth with a quizzical frown that made her feel like she was as easy to read as words on a page.

"I get the feeling you've been through hell this last couple weeks," June said softly. "So stop being so hard on yourself. You have enough to deal with without beating yourself up over things you can't control. If you and Nick are meant to be together... it'll happen."

She thanked June and bid her goodnight, then flopped on her bed and stared at the high white ceiling, unable to shake the feeling that she was ruining Nick's life. It was all too easy to imagine him stretched out on the bunk in a bare jail cell, staring at the ceiling much like she was, and wondering what tomorrow and the coming days and weeks would bring. He didn't belong in that place. She wondered if he was cursing her for not speaking up about the rape, and couldn't hold it against him if he was. She certainly blamed herself but doubted that he did because he was a better friend than she was. Not only had he saved her from Trey and taken care of her in the hours and days that followed, he had entirely rearranged his life and jeopardized his relationship with Michelle so he could do it. And how had she repaid that kindness and loyalty? With a jail cell.

# Ten

If there had ever been a time when he'd been this glad to turn his taillights to Devyn, Nick couldn't recall it. He watched the town shrink in his rearview mirror as he headed up Badger Pass toward home and felt some of the tension and bitterness slip away. He'd lain awake most of the night, catching only a few moments of restless sleep, too anxious to relax enough to sleep even if the drunk singer hadn't slipped from his slurred serenading into the loudest, most obnoxious chorus of snorts and snores Nick had ever heard.

On a somewhat better note, his resolve to keep his mouth shut about the rape had held through the arraignment, and the judge had actually seemed impressed when the topic of a self-defense dismissal had been broached and he'd stated simply, _I accept the consequences._ Hal had given him a bit of good news when he revealed that the bartender Lacey's story painted him in a pretty good light and made Trey out to be both the aggressor and a bully. It was unlikely to sway a jury's verdict, but at least the judge might go easier on him if he knew Nick was not, by nature, aggressive.

He'd stopped by the campus to pick up assignments from his professors and to talk briefly with Dean Harris, who had confirmed the details of his disciplinary probation. Nick was grateful that he'd be able to keep working toward finishing his degree and even more so for the dean's support, and he said so.

"Innocent until proven guilty," Rob had said. "I'm erring on the side of caution here for all parties involved, including you."

Rob seemed to understand the nature of his predicament when so few others seemed to, and it meant a lot to Nick that the dean wanted to help even if there wasn't much he could do. He didn't know how his parents had reacted to the news of his arrest. He'd spoken with his father yesterday afternoon only long enough to ask him to call Hal, and he wondered if they were angry. Without knowing why he'd "assaulted" Trey, it must look like he'd thrown away everything they'd taught him about restraint and disgraced the Hammond name in the process, which gave them every right to be disgusted with him. He certainly wasn't the first Hammond to be arrested—his uncle James had been arrested twice for being drunk and disorderly—but he _was_ the first to be charged with a crime involving injury to someone else.

It was frustrating that he couldn't be open with them, but he'd promised Beth he wouldn't tell, and so he wouldn't.

The sight of the Northstar Valley as it came into view when he rounded the southernmost flanks of the Northstar Mountains was nothing short of beautiful. The pastures and hayfields were still green, watered by the creeks and streams that flowed down from the mountains, and the rain that had moved through the area the day before yesterday had left behind an early autumn crispness and cleared the haze out of the air, leaving everything stunningly sharp. Right at that moment, he understood all too well Beth's constant battle against the desire to quit school and wrap the peace and beauty of Northstar around her.

As soon as he turned onto Billings Creek Road and passed by the post office and Aelissm's grandparents' place, he glanced toward the main house of his family's ranch. And stared. There were close to a dozen cars parked in front of the large, two-story house. He certainly hadn't expected a welcome home party, but that's exactly what appeared to be going on. He parked his truck between Beth's and Michelle's cars and took note of who else was here. Beth's parents and grandparents, which probably meant her brother was here as well, both of his brothers—who should be at football practice right now—were here, as was Hal.

He'd barely parked his truck and shut it down when his father stepped out the front door. Nick slowly climbed out of his truck, unsettled by his father's even expression. He breathed a sigh of relief when John hugged him tightly.

"Welcome home," his father said. "Hal told us your trial isn't until the end of October—almost two months away. Why so late?"

"I think he's hoping either Beth or I will change our minds and explain why the whole case should be thrown out." Gesturing to the gathering of vehicles, he asked before his father could press him further, "And just what _is_ all this for?"

"To welcome you home."

"Dad, I spent one night in jail. That's hardly call for celebration any way you look at it."

"No, but we've been talking about it a lot, your mother and I... and Aaron and Henry, and we know you wouldn't have fought with Trey without a damned good reason. We know our son."

"You've talked to Aaron and Henry about all this? What have they said?"

John nodded. "That Trey has been harassing Beth, calling her a slut and a whore, and that he tried to goad you into another fight last week. Whatever it is you're doing, it's the right thing to do, and we're proud of you for taking a stand."

Impulsively, Nick hugged his father again. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me." When he stood back, he added, "I was afraid you were disappointed in me. First Hammond to be arrested for assault."

"I'll admit that I never would have thought you'd be the son to get arrested, but there's no disgrace in protecting a friend."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Come on inside. Dinner's almost on the table because we expected you home earlier."

"Sorry. I stopped by the college to get my assignments and to talk to Rob Harris. I'm semi-suspended—on a disciplinary probation, he called it—but I think he's doing everything he can to help me out. I'll be able to continue my coursework unless I'm found guilty of the assault. If I am... that'll be the end of it."

"Trey should be the one suspended, not you."

Nick jerked his head back in surprise. How did his father know...?

"Yeah, I said it. You wouldn't have said you should have hit him harder than you did unless he did something terrible to deserve it," John remarked. Abruptly, he added, "Beth seems to be doing a lot better than she was the last time we saw her. Worried about you, of course, but otherwise much better."

Nick breathed a little easier after hearing that.

They'd arrived at the front door, and their conversation ended when Nick stepped inside and was greeted by his family and friends like some sort of war hero coming home after months away. He knew they meant well, and part of him was glad to see them all, but mostly it made him uncomfortable, especially when the quizzing began.

Henry started in immediately with jokes about jail life as he and Nick and Aaron helped set the table for dinner.

"Henry, please. I really don't want to talk about it."

"That bad, huh?"

"Boring. And I got to listen to a drunk who thought the rest of us needed to hear his rendition of every country song he knew most of the words to."

"What songs?"

"What part of 'I really don't want to talk about it' did you not understand?" Nick snapped. "I am tired and hungry, and yes, pretty damned irritable."

Nick's mood didn't improve with food because the conversation at the table, unsurprisingly, centered on his arrest and the reason for it. The general consensus was that Trey was an ass who deserved whatever Nick had given him and more, and it wasn't long before the tension returned, tightening the muscles of his shoulders, upper back, and neck until they ached. He didn't have two seconds to see how Beth had held up last night or to even give his girlfriend a hug and couldn't enjoy the amazing meal his mother and Beth's had prepared.

After dinner, while Tracie and Natalie and Livia cleaned up, Beth's grandfather, Old Matt, asked Nick again what Trey had done to his granddaughter, and Nick replied rather more shortly than he intended, "Why don't you ask her? She's the one he hurt. I just cleaned up the mess."

He apologized a moment later for his irritability and excused himself to seek out Michelle. Motioning to the back door, he headed back outside, inhaling deeply as soon as he stepped out into the back yard. Michelle was half a step behind him, and he kissed her gently, letting his lips linger against hers because he was pretty sure this would be their last kiss.

"Are you surprised to see me here?" she asked.

"A little, yes."

"Well, you _did_ invite me up here for the weekend."

"That's not why I'm surprised. I wasn't sure you'd want to see me after yesterday."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I completely ignored you."

"I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

He took her hand and led her around to the picnic table beside the house and sat on the west-facing bench with his back against the tabletop. He took a few moments to explore her long-fingered, graceful hand, tracing the lines of it with his fingertips to memorize every detail before threading his fingers through hers one last time.

"You were right, Michelle. What happened that night either changed the way I feel about Beth or simply revealed how I've always felt. I don't know if it will last or even how deep it runs, but I need to make sure she can come back from this. After that... I don't know what will happen."

She stared across the hayfield beside the house at the western ridges and said nothing. He sighed.

"You are an incredible woman, Michelle, and I do love you and admire you," he said. "So I'll leave the decision with you as to whether you want to stay with me while I try to figure this out. If you'd rather end it here, I'll understand."

"I think...." She cleared her throat, and a glance at her face showed that she was wrestling with the decision. Then she sighed and offered him a sad smile. "I think it's best that we break it off here. I don't think you'll feel any less for Beth once she doesn't need you so much... if there ever comes a time when she won't. I do want to keep you as a friend, though, Nick, if it won't be too awkward for you."

"It might be for a little while, but I'll find a way to make it work." He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry you wasted so much time on me."

"It wasn't wasted, Nick." She smiled. "Now I know exactly what I want in a man, and hopefully I'll be lucky enough someday to find one like you who isn't already taken."

She kissed his cheek, squeezed his hand, and turned to head back inside, but he caught her hand and pulled her back to him. There was pain in her eyes and an unspoken plea to be released, and he sensed how difficult this was for her. It was no easier for him because he _did_ love her. But he couldn't let her go before he was absolutely certain she was making the right decision. Not for him but for her.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked softly.

"It's not a matter of wanting this or not wanting it, Nick, but I know it's the right thing to do... for all of us." She sighed. "I had a lot of time to think last night, like I'm sure you did, and I've realized that it's a matter of what _is_. I _want_ you, Nick, and it'll probably be a while before I don't, but Beth.... She wants you _and_ she needs you, and you can try to deny it, but you want her and need her, too. You two are like the mountains you so love... patient and lasting. I don't see that changing."

This time when she turned away, he didn't try to stop her. He stayed outside for a few minutes more and allowed himself to accept that his relationship with her was now over, then followed her in. Those lingering at the table were still talking about his arrest, and he quietly and unobtrusively made his way into the kitchen where he found Beth talking quietly with his mother.

"Are you all right?" his mother asked when she spotted him.

"For the most part." He gave her a hug, then embraced Beth. "Were you all right last night?"

She nodded. "June brought pizza for dinner and stayed until almost ten, so I wasn't alone."

Relief washed through him. "I'm glad to hear it. Remind me to thank her. Mom, do you think it'd be rude of me if I slipped outside for a little while? I need to get away from all this for a bit."

"I'm sure everyone will understand."

He gave both women a hug, then snuck out the front door and around to the pasture beside the corral where he found Remington grazing near the fence along the far side. In the light of the westering sun, the stallion's satiny coat gleamed with golden highlights. Nick perched on the top rail of the jackleg fence to watch the horse, glancing briefly at the peaks above the ranch. It was a spectacular night, but there was a chill in the air that spoke of the approach of full autumn. It wouldn't be long now until the leaves on the aspen turned a brilliant yellow—a couple more weeks.

Nick whistled, and Remington lifted his head. With barely a moment's hesitation, the stud loped across the pasture to him like a loyal dog excited that his master was home. Remington didn't bother with his usual prancing game of you-can't-catch-me.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you missed me, Rem," Nick said, laughing softly as he scratched over the stallion's eye. "Keep this up and people might think you're getting soft."

Remington let out a sigh. Nick knew he was probably stupid in the extreme to even contemplate riding the stallion with his arm just barely out of the sling, especially bareback with no bridle, but he didn't particularly care tonight. He launched himself onto Remington's back from his perch on the fence and sat for a moment to see if the bay was in the mood to tolerate being ridden. When Remington showed no signs of displeasure, Nick lightly touched his heels to the horse's flanks.

The stallion pranced a little, and Nick muttered, "Buck me off, Rem, and I swear I'll have you castrated. Then you'll never get to claim those pretty mares you have your eye on."

Closing his eyes, Nick focused on the feel of the horse beneath him. Remington was wound tight as a wire but responded to his lightest commands with eagerness, and Nick's lips curved.

"I hear ya, bubba."

Opening his eyes again, Nick leaned forward and stroked Remington's strong neck a moment before he curled his fingers around a few strands of the stallion's black mane and tightened his legs around the horse's barrel. The stallion shot off across the pasture with long, smooth strides, and Nick clung to him with the ease of a life spent on the back of a horse. He guided the horse with his legs, and Remington obeyed instantly, at one with his rider.

"You really are one hell of a cutting horse, aren't you, Rem?" he murmured to the stallion. "Worth every penny and then some."

_This is where I belong,_ he thought as he put Remington through his paces. _As long as I have this, I have everything._

A sly, pervasive thought entered his mind, and right now, he was too relaxed—at last—to question it.

_If I had this and Beth... then I'd really have everything._

Beth had never seen anything so breathtaking in her life as Nick astride his temperamental stallion. The way Remington responded to him, wanting to please him, was nothing short of magical. She watched them dance across the pasture, first racing at a full-out gallop, then trotting, then spinning around and changing leads on the fly. It didn't matter how many times she'd seen Nick ride or how well she knew his gift for winning over animals no one else could, she was still awestruck.

_He's beautiful_ , she thought, admiring how he moved with such enviable and quiet power. It no longer surprised her that he had so easily overpowered Trey.

Sensing she was no longer alone, she looked over her shoulder to see who approached. Nick's girlfriend was the last person Beth wanted to see right now, but she tried to ignore the simmering irritation as Michelle joined her at the fence. For a while, neither of them spoke, content to watch Nick with a shared but unspoken fondness for him. He was oblivious, too caught up in his dance with Remington to notice that he was no longer alone.

"He's quite an incredible man, isn't he?" Michelle asked quietly.

"Yes, he is."

After that brief exchange, they fell silent again, but Beth squirmed a little, disquieted by whatever remained unsaid. Michelle had something on her mind, and Beth wished she'd just spit it out and leave instead of letting scenario after torturous scenario slither through her mind. She tried to analyze her brief exchange with Nick twenty minutes ago. He'd hugged her and seemed glad that she'd been okay last night without him, but he'd also been a little distant. At first, she'd thought he was just tired—understandably so—but now she wondered if he hadn't decided to put a little distance between them. Not that she could blame him. She wouldn't want to be around her, either, after spending a night in jail because she was too afraid to do what needed to be done.

"Would you do me a favor?" Michelle inquired, abruptly interrupting Beth's troublesome musings.

Beth glanced at her, frowning. "Um, sure."

"Hold on to him and don't ever take him for granted."

Confusion eradicated every other thought. She studied Michelle's beautiful face for a long time, expecting the other woman to elaborate, but Michelle's gaze remained on Nick, almost as if she were avoiding explaining. Hold on to him? Don't take him for granted? What did that mean? The statement so sharply contrasted the thoughts she had, only seconds ago, been pondering that she couldn't decide what Michelle was getting at. Finally, she had to ask for clarification.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't understand what you mean."

Michelle's lips curved, but her eyes were sad as she continued to watch Nick. "He's yours now. As it should be." Finally, she met Beth's gaze. "We broke up."

That was definitely _not_ what she'd expected Michelle to say, although perhaps she shouldn't be so surprised, considering what June had pointed out about Michelle and Nick hitting a few bumps. Still, a few minor bumps was nothing to break up over, so why had they?

"I-I'm sorry," Beth stammered.

"Don't be," Michelle was saying. "I'm not sure I ever had a chance of keeping him because I think there's always been something more between you than either of you were willing to admit, and you were bound to realize it someday. I suppose I'm glad I figured it out now instead of later when it would be a lot harder to let him go."

Beth stared at her. "You're okay with letting him go?"

"I'm not saying I'm happy about it or that I won't miss him or wonder what might have been, but I care for him enough that it hurts me to see him struggle with his duty to me and his loyalty to you. Besides, as good as we might be together, I know there is someone even better for him. You."

Michelle's words finally sank in to Beth's sluggish brain, but instead of the gleeful exultation she thought she should feel, Beth felt only a trickle of anticipation amidst the deluge of remorse. The very words that removed the source of Beth's envy also confirmed why Michelle was a better match for Nick. She was as selfless as she was beautiful, and far more deserving of him than Beth. Maybe the real reason she refused to report the rape was that it was true she had somehow driven Trey to do it. He and his family would certainly try to prove she had. Even if she hadn't, could she have done more to prevent it or stop it?

"I'm not good for him. I'm ruining his life. First his shoulder, then jail, and now the two of you have broken up because of me. I'm poison to him."

Nauseated, she rested her forehead on the top rail of the jackleg fence and tried to take a few deep breaths, but they came in too fast and too shallow as shame and panic set in.

"Hey," Michelle said gently. "You are _not_ poison to him. You're his best friend, and none of this is your fault. It just is what it is."

"It's not that.... It's everything. There's no guarantee that he'll even want me. And what if I can't commit to him or what if I am confusing gratitude for everything he's done for me with something else? You two could've been so happy together, but I've ruined your relationship with him, and I don't even know if—"

"Beth. Stop trying to take the blame for this. Some things just aren't meant to be... and some things are."

Beth shook her head.

"Besides, I fully plan to keep him as a friend, so I'll still have a part of him." Michelle laughed softly. "Just please don't hate me for that because I'm sure it'll take some time for us all to adjust."

"You talk like this is a done deal, that he and I are going to be together."

"Aren't you? It's what you both want."

"I don't know that. After Trey.... Everything is so messed up, and I can't be sure if what either of us feels is real or just a product of what happened."

"Well, you'll have the chance to figure it out now without me standing in the way." Michelle searched her face for a long time. At last, she said, "I'm sorry for whatever happened, but maybe out of all this pain will come something beautiful."

"How?"

"I don't know, Beth. That's something you and he will have to figure out yourselves. Anyhow, Tracie said dessert would be on the table in a few minutes, so I'm going to head in. Have fun."

Beth watched over her shoulder as Michelle headed back inside, utterly dumbstruck by their conversation. The only thing that stuck in her brain was the part about Michelle and Nick breaking up, and that just made her hate herself. Somewhere in a far corner of her mind, she appreciated Michelle trying to reassure her, and on some level, she understood that Nick's now ex-girlfriend was a rare and incredible jewel to be able to give up a man she obviously still wanted because she believed he'd be happier with someone else... and to be able to offer words of comfort and reassurance to that other woman.

Overwhelmed, Beth again dropped her head to the log rail and wrapped her arms around her head, knitting her fingers tightly together. She knew she had two choices. One, she could continue to wallow in self-pity, hating herself for the rest of her life, or two, she could take this chance with Nick and make herself worthy of it by finding the strength he was so certain she possessed.

She felt more than heard the soft thuds of a horse approaching. A soft huff of warm, moist air brushed across the back of her exposed neck, and she lifted her head to find the bay stallion's nose inches from her face. Remington pushed against her cheek with his velvety nose and took another step closer to the fence until he stood almost above her. His ears swiveled back to catch Nick's whispered words, then forward as if he expected Beth to speak. The sweet scent of hay clung to him as closely as the more pungent but not unpleasant smell of horse sweat, and Beth inhaled deeply, soothed by that familiar aroma. Without thought to Remington's volatile reputation, she stroked his damp neck.

"Hey, are you all right?" Nick asked, sliding off the stallion's back.

The distance she'd seen in his eyes earlier was gone, replaced by a tender concern that made her knees wobble a little. When he took her face in his hands and brushed his thumbs across her cheeks, she was glad she had the fence to hold on to.

"I like that," she murmured, closing her eyes. "Both hands again, instead of one."

"What were you and Michelle talking about?" he asked.

"You."

"Did she tell you we broke up?"

Beth nodded. "I'm so, so sorry, Nick. I keep screwing up your life."

"You're not screwing it up. Besides, I'm pretty sure I've said—more than once—no more apologizing. Remember? This is not your fault, Beth."

"But you wouldn't have spent last night in jail or broken up with Michelle if I had just reported the rape like you wanted me to."

He leaned over the fence and hugged her. Long after she expected him to let go, he continued to hold her, and slowly, she felt the self-loathing slip away.

"I wanted you to do it because I thought it would help you gain some control over what happened." Nick shook his head, pausing to gather his thoughts. "I still think it would help you, but I had plenty of time to think about all that last night, and I don't know if it's a good idea if this is how Trey and his family want to handle the situation. They'll try to make it look like you asked for it, that it was consensual, and Trey has already put you through enough. I couldn't watch him and his family drag you through that, too."

"But if I don't report it, the assault charge will stand, and you might end up with a fine, at least, and possibly more jail time."

"I've accepted that, Beth. I'd rather pay the five-hundred-dollar fine and spend the full six months in jail than have the Holts go after you."

She pulled away and studied him. Exhaustion and strain etched lines into his face that made him look older than twenty-one and buried the perpetual contentment that usually graced his features.

"Are you sure _you_ are all right?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm just tired and wishing I had kicked Trey's ass a little more thoroughly. At least then I might actually deserve the assault charge."

"I'm glad you didn't," Beth said. "Not because he didn't deserve it but because you're better than that. I don't want him to bring you down to his level."

He beckoned her over to his side of the fence, and after she'd climbed over, he wrapped her in his arms again and sighed. She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes, smiling as she listened to the beat of his heart. Right here, right now, she believed she could report the rape, face everything Trey and his parents could throw at her, and put an end to this tangled mess. Maybe it should surprise her, but Nick had always made her feel like she could accomplish anything.

"Why do I feel like this is where you belong?" he asked. "Right here, in my arms."

"I want it to be where I belong," Beth murmured. "Do you really think there's something more than friendship between us, like Michelle said?"

"I do. I don't know what or if it'll last, but there's definitely something there."

"And what if we're wrong and it's just the rape and everything that's happened since playing with us and making us think—"

"Beth."

She lifted her face to look up at him. Clasping her face in his hands again, he kissed each cheek with utter tenderness, then brushed a thumb across her lips. For one exhilarating moment, she thought he might kiss her, but he kissed her brow instead. Her shoulders drooped.

"Disappointed?" he asked.

"I am," she replied, shocked. It was a test, she realized, to prove to them both that this new—or newly recognized—thing between them wasn't simply a product of their circumstances. It also had the side effect of showing her that Trey had not entirely ruined her desire to touch and be touched. "What do we do now?"

"We let nature take its course and let things happen as they will. It might not feel like it right at this second, but you have been hurt in ways I don't think you've fully recognized yet. I want to make damned sure you can trust me."

"I always have, Nick, and I still do. That's one thing that hasn't changed, one thing Trey can't take away from me."

"There's another consideration, too. Out of respect for Michelle, I can't just move on like we were never together."

"I agree. She's an amazing woman."

"So are you."

Remington, who had been standing patiently by, pushed his entire head against Beth's arm, then nudged Nick with his nose. When they laughed at his antics but otherwise ignored him, he did it again.

"He likes you," Nick remarked with a tender fondness in his voice, scratching under the stallion's jaw.

"Seems like he's a bigger sweetheart than he wants anyone to know," she replied. "Aren't you, Remington? Such a handsome boy."

"Want to ride him?"

She did, but she didn't know if she was stable enough to handle the notoriously temperamental stallion right at this moment. Still... how wonderful would it be to enjoy his smooth gates and indulge in the incredible freedom she'd only ever found on the back of a horse? Biting her lip to rein in her smile, she glanced at Nick.

"He'll be a perfect gentleman with you," he assured her. His lips curved in response to her failed attempt to contain her eagerness. "Won't you, Rem?"

The horse tossed his head and snorted. Nick made a cradle with his hands to give Beth a leg up, and she hesitated.

"Is that a good idea with your shoulder?"

"It'll be fine. Come on."

First she tested Remington's mood by taking a fistful of his mane and laying her other palm against his back. The stallion craned his head around as if to say, _What's taking so long?_ Finally, she put her booted foot in Nick's hands and swung her leg over Remington's back as he lifted her.

"He's even taller from up here," she remarked, sliding forward until she sat nearly over his shoulders. For a moment, she leaned forward, resting against him and stroking his neck. She briefly closed her eyes to concentrate on the deep huffs of his breath and the feel of him beneath her as he shifted his weight. _This is heaven right here,_ she thought. Opening her eyes again and siting up, she looked at Nick. "Remind me. How tall is he?"

"Sixteen hands. Take him for a ride."

She directed the horse toward the far corner of the pasture, thrilled by his graceful gaits. Her family had some great horses, but Remington put them all to shame. He was a magnificent animal and a genuine pleasure to ride, and her worries drifted away on the wind as they loped around the pasture. With the sun nearly touching the western ridges, she guided Remington back to where Nick waited patiently for them.

When she dropped to the ground beside him, she was grinning. She turned back to pat Remington's neck, and said, "You are a truly magnificent beast, Rem."

"Now, go on and git... before someone else sees you making a fool of yourself," Nick told the horse. "Or everyone will think they can ride you."

Remington didn't seem inclined to go, so Nick gave him a shove and smacked him on the shoulder. Grunting, the stallion trotted away a few dozen yards, then turned around and watched them with his ears forward. He took a couple steps toward Nick and Beth.

"Oh no, you don't!" Nick called. "Go be a horse."

Remington snorted but stayed where he was, flipping his tail around to chase away the flies he'd stirred up. Beth stood silently with Nick, content to watch the stallion and admire the gorgeous September evening.

"This is the life, isn't it?" she murmured.

"It's certainly the only one I've ever wanted."

"Me, too. I can't imagine either of us living anywhere else or doing anything else. This is where we are meant to be—surrounded by mountains with a wide sky above us and all this room to run."

"It's heaven," Nick agreed.

He turned toward her and slipped an arm around her shoulders like he had thousands of times throughout their long friendship, but she was more aware of the support and potential in that gesture than she ever had been before. It was so natural, a reminder of times past when there had been no stress and few complications, and Beth leaned into him. Perhaps tonight's revelations should leave her feeling off balance, but for the first time since _that night_ , she didn't feel like the ground was tilting beneath her feet. There was a new facet to her relationship with Nick, but their friendship was stronger than ever, and that was something she dearly needed right now. Maybe she'd find the courage to stand up to Trey and his family after all.

"Next weekend and the weekend after are shot because we're bringing the herds down from the summer allotments," Nick said. "But how about you and I take a ride the following weekend? Indulge ourselves in a little horse therapy?"

"That'd be great."

"All right, then. It's a date. We should probably head in and grab some dessert before it's all gone."

"Yeah, we should."

Despite the fact that he'd said he wanted to let things happen as they would, he threaded his fingers with hers. She briefly leaned her head on his shoulder and gripped his hand with both of hers, too mellow and happy to question this sudden shift in her life. For the second time in as many weeks, her life had taken an abrupt and unexpected turn, but this time, she welcomed the change with excitement and believed that the pieces of her life were beginning to come back together.

Nick held her hand all the way back to his parents' house.

# Eleven

After telling Beth he'd see her in a few minutes, Nick headed upstairs to his room. As soon as he crested the stairs and stepped through the doorway into his hall, he saw them—a pair of handcuffs adorned with fuzzy, neon pink feathers hanging from his doorknob.

"Real cute, Trey," he muttered, digging his keys out of his pocket.

Careful to avoid touching the handcuffs—who knew where they'd been—he unlocked and opened his door and dropped his keys and bag on his desk in the living room. Then he grabbed a pen and went back to his door. He stared at the handcuffs with narrowed eyes for a few moments before using the pen to lift them off his doorknob and held them up, unsure what to do with them. His first thought was to throw them in the garbage, but if there was a possibility that he could prove Trey had left them, they might be useful somehow.

"What the...?" Beth asked, joining him.

He looked at her. She had changed into her pajamas, and he was momentarily distracted from his quandary because she was completely adorable in those fuzzy, snowman-print pants, tank top and unzipped gray hoodie with her hair plaited into a sloppy braid. When she met his gaze expectantly, he said, "I'm guessing Trey left them."

Nick didn't know how he expected her to react, but rolling her eyes certainly wasn't it. He stared after her when she promised to return in a moment and disappeared back downstairs. Frowning with equal parts confusion and curiosity, he waited, wondering what sort of picture he made holding the fuzzy pink handcuffs with a pen as if they disgusted him. Well, that was true, but he was certain anyone who happened down the hall would burst out laughing as soon as they saw him. Still, he didn't move, and Beth returned a few minutes later with a gallon-sized Ziploc baggie.

"Here," she said. "Put them in this."

"Why?"

"I'm going to collect evidence that Trey is harassing us. I don't know if it'll help... but if we get enough, maybe it will."

Nick tried to recall anything else Trey had done that Beth could use, but other than his taunts at the Club Bar a week and a half ago, there was nothing else either of them could prove; it was all verbal without anyone other than Beth or himself as witnesses. Nick had been with Beth most of her waking hours since the rape or in a position to observe any harassment, so he would have seen or heard anything Trey did. Unless he'd done something Thursday night or Friday.

"What other evidence have you collected?" he asked.

"He wrote 'slut' on my whiteboard Thursday evening," she replied. "I took a picture of it."

Nick's immediate reaction was one of anger. He clenched his free hand into a fist and nearly hurled the handcuffs across his room, furious that Trey had snuck in while he wasn't around to shield Beth and pulled something so cowardly. He held his temper in check, closed his eyes and counted to ten before he exhaled. In that time, he realized something else. Beth had acted with remarkable rationality when she'd decided to document it, and that in itself was worth celebrating because it was another step toward taking control.

"I'm proud of you," he said, finally dropping the handcuffs in the plastic bag. "And amazed and thrilled you were able to think so clearly about it."

"I'm a little amazed myself because it barely bothered me. After everything he's done...." She shrugged. "There's not much worse he can do to me, is there?"

"No."

"Honestly, I think I was too worried about you that night to care much about anything else."

Nick couldn't begin to explain why, but her statement made him smile. If some good came out of him sitting in jail with the possibility of facing a longer stay, it was—and would be—worth it. He doubted any judge in the county would actually give him jail time, but the possibility hung over him, and he appreciated anything that reminded him of why he'd decided to shoulder the consequences of that terrible night.

He took her hand and pulled her into his room, then closed the door after briefly debating leaving it open. If any of the freshman who populated his hall needed him, they could knock. If Trey happened to walk by, he really didn't want Beth's ex to glance in and see them sitting on the couch together and watching a movie in their PJs. God only knew what he'd do with that kind of ammunition.

"What are we watching?" Beth asked. "I'll put the movie in while you change."

"I don't care. You pick it."

"How about Back to the Future?"

"Sure."

He stepped into his bedroom and closed the door to change into his pajamas. It struck him that he didn't even know if he needed to close the door anymore. He and Beth hadn't talked about the specifics of their evolving relationship, though she had agreed with him about letting things progress as they would, so he wasn't sure if he should start thinking of her—and treating her—like his girlfriend instead of his off-limits best friend. Shaking his head and chuckling at this newest predicament, he headed into the living room clad in his flannel pajama pants and a gray T-shirt. At least this dilemma had an element of humor in it and the promise of adventure.

Beth was sitting on his couch with her feet tucked under her and was fast-forwarding through the previews. Nick popped some popcorn in his microwave, dumped the contents of the bag in a big bowl, and joined her on the couch. He propped himself against the arm and beckoned her over. She scooted close, and he set the bowl on his leg, then wrapped his arm around her, tucking her into his side. A quiet, welcome peace settled over him, and for the time being, the tension that had been his companion for days on end drifted away.

"I want to officially ask you out," he remarked, "so we know where we stand. But I think it's too soon."

"Too soon? We've known each other for twenty-one years," Beth replied with a delightful playfulness. "I hope you don't plan on waiting another twenty-one years before you finally decide it's time."

He chuckled. "It's good to hear you so animated and joking again."

"Mmm. Yes, it is... but I am serious about not taking _too_ long. All you have to do is ask, and I promise, the answer will be yes."

"You know why I think it's too soon, don't you? I don't want to wait until November, but it'd probably be smart to wait until after my trial. I don't want to give Trey anything else to use against us."

"Your trial," she echoed. The humor had left her voice. "I never, in a million years, would have ever thought someone would be able to say that. It even _sounds_ wrong. It _is_ wrong."

"I'm not arguing that. Any of it. But if this is what it takes to make all this go away, so be it."

"Do you think Trey will be satisfied with that?"

"I hope so."

"What if he's not? What if he keeps up this bullshit game?"

"He can't keep it up forever, Beth. He's not smart enough, and he'll end up doing something else stupid."

"I hope you're right."

"We can only do what we can do, right?"

She nodded. They lapsed into silence, content for the time being to watch the movie. It was only a little after eight, but Nick yawned. Over the weekend, he'd caught up most of the sleep he'd lost Thursday night, but he admitted that everything was taking a toll on him and draining his energy. He tried to pay attention to the movie even though he'd seen it at least a hundred times, but he couldn't keep his eyes open. Promising himself he'd close them just to rest them, he gave in to the heaviness.

Before he knew it, Beth was getting up to answer the door. He reached for her and begged her to stay, but she smiled over his shoulder and kept walking away. Dread wormed its way into his brain, and he tried to warn her. She opened the door, and her smile disappeared when she saw Trey standing on the other side. Before she could retreat, he grabbed her arm and yanked her out into the dark hallway. Nick pushed off the couch and tripped, crashing to the floor of his living room. His ankles were chained together by the fuzzy pink handcuffs, and he fought to break them. Loose at last, he lunged to his feet and stumbled toward the door. She wasn't anywhere in the hall.

_"Beth!"_ he called.

_"Nick!"_ she screamed in response. _"Help me!"_

He followed the sound of her fading screams out into the pitch black night. There were no lights, and squinting into the darkness, he realized he was standing alone in a vast field. Beth's screams mingled with Trey's mocking laughter, echoing around him from every direction. Full-on panic set in. He had to get to her... but where was she? __ One last scream, and then silence. He bellowed in anger and grief, feeling like his heart had been ripped from his chest. It was too late. He couldn't save her.

"Nick! Wake up!"

He jerked out of the nightmare, still firmly in the thrall of that shattering panic and panting for breath. Beth watched him with worried eyes, and he reached for her, certain she was a mirage, but his hand met soft, warm skin, and he pulled her into his arms. He trembled as he held her, reassured when she wrapped her arms tightly around him, digging her fingers into the back of his neck and his ribs. He relished the tangible and very real pressure of her grip.

"You're safe," he breathed. "Thank God you're safe."

"Of course I am. I'm with you."

Gradually, his heart rate slowed, and he was able to draw a deep breath. He didn't loosen his hold on Beth but lifted his eyes and glanced around his room. The light on the end table was still on, and the movie was only half over. Eventually, he tipped his head back and rubbed his hand over his face.

"Do me a favor," he murmured. "Let me answer the door tonight."

"Why wouldn't I? It's your room."

"I know that. Just please.... I dreamed you answered a knock on the door... and it was Trey. He took you, and I couldn't get to you. Scared the hell out of me."

"Obviously," she replied with a quirk of her lips. "But I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere any time soon. In fact...."

She reached for the remote, which sat on the end table beneath the lamp, and turned the TV off, then stood and held out her hand. He frowned, confused, but took it and rose to his feet. When she started to pull him toward his bedroom, he asked what she was doing. She smiled and shook her head, then turned on the light in his bedroom before turning back to lock the door and click off the light in the living room. He stood in the doorway, watching her, wondering what she was doing. When she tugged at the hem of his T-shirt to pull it over his head, he asked again.

"I'm going to stay with you tonight," she replied. "So you'll know I'm safe."

She hugged him tightly for several moments, and he lowered his head to rest his cheek against her neck. The words she whispered made his eyes burn with tears and his chest tighten.

"Together, we'll keep the cold and dark at bay, just like we did that night in the shed with Winter. You need sleep, and something tells me this is the only way you'll get it after that dream."

"Beth... are you sure you'll be comfortable?"

"I'm sure your bed will be _much_ more comfortable than the couch."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know exactly what you meant." She met his gaze with gentleness and concern in her blue eyes. "I have always been completely comfortable with you, Nick, and I still am. I trust you."

He sat on the edge of his bed and stared at her but said nothing.

"You don't mind if I stay, do you?"

Perhaps he should, but he couldn't bring himself to say it because she was right. He needed to know she was safe, so he shook his head.

She turned off the light and tiptoed to him, then gave him a teasing shove to make him move. He scooted back to make room for her. With a contented sigh, she twined her fingers with his and pulled his arm tight around her waist, fitting perfectly against him when he tucked his knees in behind hers. Desire stirred briefly, but he quelled it instantly when he thought back to the terror of his dream and the very real horror of the night Trey had raped her. That she could find comfort in his embrace after that was a miracle and a compliment in the highest degree, and he could barely fathom the level of trust she placed in him.

"Better?" she asked.

"Mmm-hmm. Sorry if I scared you."

"Don't apologize, Nick. No apologies between us, remember? Anyhow, you've helped me through more than a few nightmares, so it's my turn to do the same for you."

"I wish I could have gotten to you sooner," he whispered. "I wish I could have stopped Trey before he...."

He choked on the word. After the nightmare, the emotions and fears of that night were too close to the surface, leaving him raw and exposed.

"What's done is done," Beth replied. "Like you've shown me, all we can do is move on. And we are. Together. Let it go for tonight and get some sleep, okay?"

He pressed a kiss to the soft curve between her neck and shoulder. The fear wrought by the dream faded away until only a blissful contentment remained, and he thought again that everything felt right when Beth was in his arms. As much as he'd enjoyed holding Michelle, she had never given him this exact sense of completeness.

This time when Nick drifted off, it was to pleasant dreams.

Beth stared at the box of condoms tied to the antenna of her car for almost a minute before she burst into tears. After the numerous crude gestures, the obscene drawings shoved under her door or Nick's, and the various slurs Trey had been leaving all week on her whiteboard, which she had taken down this morning, this latest prank was more than she could handle. She fumbled with the shoelaces Trey or whoever had used to tie the box to her antenna, unable to see clearly through the wavering sheen of tears. By the time she succeeded, her ambition to head to the grocery store to restock her mini fridge and cereal stash had waned, and she headed back to her dorm with the condoms in hand. They were going in the cardboard box full of other mementos of Trey's harassment even though she wanted nothing more than to throw them in the garbage.

After she dropped the condoms into the box without allowing herself to even glance inside at the other contents, she trudged upstairs to Nick's room. His door was open, as it often was, and she slipped into his room and perched on the arm of his couch before he even noticed he wasn't alone.

"I thought you were going to the store," he remarked as he continued scribbling notes. After he finished whatever he was working on, he glanced over his shoulder at her. At once, he stood and strode to her side. "You've been crying. Why?"

"Trey or someone tied a box of condoms to the antenna of my car," she replied.

"That's it," Nick said sharply. "Come on. We're getting off campus for a little while."

"Where are we going to go?"

"Fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Yep. And we're going to ask June and Aelissm to join us, and my brothers, too, after football practice, and we're going to barbecue some hotdogs and burgers and forget about all this crap for a few hours."

"Sounds like fun. But why fishing?"

"Because it's relaxing, and because we all enjoy it. And because I heard a rumor that the trout are really biting right now out at Armstead Canyon."

Beth started to object, then stopped herself. Why was she trying to find an excuse or a reason why it wasn't a good idea to go? When the answer came to her, anger flared. Trey's pranks made her want to hide in her room so she didn't have to face the ongoing battle to pull herself and her life back together. She _wanted_ to go fishing and barbecue with Nick and his brothers and June and Aelissm, but the relentless harassment wearied her. Getting out and doing something she enjoyed with people she loved and who supported her would help her put everything in perspective and remind her that there was more to life than the nightmare she was struggling to free herself from. Her life would go on, she told herself, no matter what Trey did.

"So... first we invite your brothers and June and Aeli. And then we go get the fixings." She tilted her head and frowned. "Do you still have your fishing pole here? Because mine's at home in Northstar."

Nick stepped over to the closet and slid the door open. Grinning, he pulled two poles and a small tackle box out. "You're in luck. I have the spare I bought for Michelle."

"Ugh. She likes fishing, too? She really is a perfect match for you."

"So are you," he murmured. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

Nick quickly stowed his schoolwork, grabbed his fishing gear and his favorite old Carhartt coat, and shoed Beth out of his room so he could lock it. They tromped downstairs and went first to June's room. As luck would have it, Aelissm was with her friend, working on some assignment or other for one of the classes they shared. Both women agreed that a fishing excursion sounded marvelous.

"We just need to finish this, and then we'd love to," June said. "Shouldn't take us more than an hour. Do we need to bring anything?"

"Nope," Nick replied. "Just yourselves. You know the picnic area just south of the marina, right? The one by the outcrop of rocks on the west shore across the dam?"

"Yep."

"We'll meet you there."

They caught Henry and Aaron just as the twins were leaving their rooms to head to football practice.

"Fishing? Barbecue? You bet we'll be there," Henry remarked.

As Nick and Beth headed out to his truck, she admitted that she was already feeling better. Their brief shopping excursion to purchase the requisite goodies for their barbecue was an effective distraction because Nick wouldn't let her wallow in self pity or fear. When they stopped at the co-op to pick up a couple cartons of night crawlers on their way out of town, he pulled a worm out and made a show of it begging them not to use it as bait. He dropped it in the flowerbed outside the door, and Beth laughed.

"Have I ever told you that you're a bit of a softy?"

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"Not at all. You have a gentle heart, Nick. I think that's why all the animals love you. I mean, Remington makes a fool of himself for you."

He chuckled. "Yes, he does."

The drive south to the lake further improved her mood. While Nick drove, she stared out her window, taking in the sprawling ranch pastures and the snow-capped mountains that ringed the broad river valley like a glowing crown. The interstate passed between a pair of massive, rounded rock cliffs that stood like a gateway to the narrow ravine beyond, and wound along the outlet river of Armstead Canyon Reservoir. Occasionally, where the river had changed course in its history, small pastures lined its shores, butted up against the steep hills coated thickly in golden grasses and dotted with fragrant sagebrush. This canyon was so different from the lusher Northstar Valley though it was less than an hour's car ride away, and despite having spent her entire life in this county, Beth was still amazed at the range of landscapes it had to offer. She was blessed to call this place home and understood that she couldn't keep letting Trey ruin it for her.

Eighteen miles from Devyn, the canyon widened into a narrow, sparsely populated valley and began the slow climb up to the dam of the reservoir. Nick took the exit just before the dam, and when he rolled up to the stop sign, the lake came into view. Surrounded by grassy hills topped by a dusting of pines and firs and very few houses within sight, the reservoir always seemed to Beth to be very lonely and desolate and yet never failed to instill in her a soothing tranquility.

Nick turned right and drove across the dam. The road curved around to the left, hugging the lake's steep shore and gradually dropping toward the marina. The picnic area he'd chosen was about a quarter mile beyond, around a bend to the right, and had seven individual picnic pavilions spread out over two acres with a larger centralized pavilion that housed half a dozen tables and a fish cleaning station. He turned off the main highway onto the gravel trail and headed toward the picnic table closest to the rock outcrop. A small pavilion sheltered the table and its barbecue grill, but with the sun tilting westward toward late afternoon, it shaded only half the concrete pad it covered. Even so, there wasn't much need for shelter today. The sun was warm but not blistering, and the wind was a soft breeze out of the southwest barely strong enough to coax ripples from the lake's surface.

Beth stepped out of Nick's truck, closed her eyes, and smiled as she leaned against the tailgate, facing the reservoir. There wouldn't be too many more days like this, so she was doubly glad Nick had suggested this outing.

"Feeling better?" he asked, nudging her with his spare fishing pole.

She opened one eye and grinned at him. "Much."

"We can't let Trey's BS get to us," he said gently. "His pranks are stupid and childish, and unless he does something to hurt one of us or damage something.... At the end of the day, it's not worth getting upset over."

"I know that. But it adds up."

"Yes, it does, and when it does, we take a step back like we're doing right now."

Beth extended her arm to him, beckoning him closer. When he obeyed, she slipped her arm around his waist and leaned into him. "I'd be lost without you."

"I highly doubt that, but I certainly can't imagine my life without you. You've always been in it." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Do you know how truly blessed we are to have had that kind of unfailing, lifelong friendship?"

"Trust me, Nick. I am _very_ aware of that."

"Good. Let's go see how blessed we are at fishing, shall we?"

She took the net he dug out of his toolbox and one of the cartons of worms along with her borrowed pole. She led the way out onto the rock outcrop, but instead of getting to work setting up her fishing pole, she sat on the edge of a boulder, content to watch Nick's nimble fingers work as he rigged his pole with the ease of much experience.

"You're not going to fish?" he asked when he noticed her lack of progress.

"I will, but I think I'm just going to sit here for a few minutes and enjoy the day."

"Suit yourself."

Beth stared out at the lake until she heard Nick cast. When he reeled the line back in, she glanced at him and watched as he cast out again.

"No worms?" she inquired.

"Thought I'd try a lure first. It's a bit more relaxing than just casting out and waiting for the fish to bite."

"True enough."

For a long time, she was content to watch him, mesmerized by the fluid motions of his body as he cast and reeled and by the expression of pure contentment on his handsome face. It was an expression she hadn't seen often enough in the last few weeks, and seeing it now drove away the last remaining trembles of unrest. At last, she picked up her pole and selected a lure from his tackle box, then headed a few yards away over the rocks and cast out.

Proving the rumor Nick had heard correct, she hooked a fish on her third cast, and before she could bring the fish into shore, Nick had one on his line, too. With the net tucked under her arm, she scaled the rocks to a narrow shelf just above the water's edge and carefully landed what turned out to be a beautiful, fourteen-inch rainbow trout.

"Are we keeping any to eat?" she called to Nick.

"Why not?"

After she'd netted the trout, she climbed back up to the top of the outcrop and dragged the stringer out of the tackle box. Once her fish was secured on it, she made her way down to Nick and burst out laughing. His trout—another rainbow—wasn't even half the size of hers.

"Well, I guess we know now who the fish whisperer of this outing is," he remarked. He lowered his trout into the water, and the fish took off with a thrash of its tail. "Nice catch, Beth."

They'd been fishing for forty-five minutes when June and Aelissm showed up. Delightfully, Beth's quiet time with Nick turned into joking and laughter as the four of them fished together. Their evening took a decidedly rowdy turn when Henry and Aaron showed up after football practice. Since the sun was nearly to the tops of the western hills, Nick and Beth set aside their fishing poles to get dinner started. While Nick got the coals going, Beth took the six trout to the cleaning station.

When she returned, Nick grinned at her. "Michelle always made me clean the trout."

"So?"

"Technically, that makes you an even better match for me. You know I like a girl who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty."

"Mmm. Then you probably aren't going to be impressed when I ask you to cut the onion."

With an exaggerated sigh, he pulled the tiny cutting board out of a backpack in his toolbox, grabbed the onion from their grocery sacks, and settled down to work. Together, they stuffed the trout with chopped onions and butter, then folded them into aluminum pouches, and when the coals were perfect, set them on the grill. They opened one of the packages of hot dogs and tossed them and some burgers on as well.

"I swear, you two are getting to be more and more like an old married couple every day," Aaron remarked, joining them and draping his arms around both their shoulders. "So, tell me. Who caught the biggest fish?"

"That honor goes to Beth," Nick replied. "I've been catching mostly minnows."

"They were _not_ minnows," Beth said, giggling. "Not one was under five inches."

Aaron sat on the bench of the picnic table and leaned back with his elbows on the tabletop and his legs stretched out in front of him. He tipped his head back and smiled. "This was a great idea, Nick. Thanks for inviting us all out here."

"Mmm, yes it was," Beth agreed. "Exactly what I needed."

Aaron met her gaze and offered her a supportive smile. "Nick told me about the notes and the handcuffs. Don't let Trey get to you, Beth. He's a piece of crap, and you are way too good for him. He should consider himself damned lucky you put up with him as long as you did."

"Thanks, Aaron," she murmured. "That means a lot more to me than you probably realize."

"You've always been like a sister to me, which kinda makes it my job to look out for you. I may not be as good at it as Nick is, but I _do_ care."

"I know you do, Aaron. And believe me. I am grateful."

He stood and hugged her. Close to her ear, he whispered, "Good. I hope someday maybe you'll _legally_ be my sister."

Beth jerked back and stared at him. "What do you mean?" she asked, even though she was pretty sure what he was insinuating.

"You know exactly what I mean," Aaron said, glancing at Nick. Once again, he dropped his voice to a whisper. "If my brother ever gets his act together."

"I appreciate your blessing, but it's been a rough few weeks, so let's just see what happens, all right? In the meantime, why don't you go tell Henry, June, and Aelissm that dinner is about ready?"

Aaron nodded and strode off toward the edge of the rocks where his twin and the two friends from Washington were still fishing. Beth helped Nick spread out the rest of their food and thoroughly enjoyed even that mundane element of their evening. Good company, good food, and good clean mountain air were exactly what she'd needed, she thought again. All through the meal, they talked and laughed and told outrageous stories, and by the time they were ready to clean up, Beth was entirely relaxed.

They drove back to campus beneath a burning sky. Lenticular clouds stacked up all across the sky, glowing brilliantly in shades of yellow, orange, and red, and to the north and south, they were tinged with softer, pastel hues of pink and lavender. Spectacular was the only word Beth could think of that came close to describing it. By the time Nick parked his truck on the side of Cornell Street, the fire had faded, but the underbellies of the clouds were still brushed with a deep, blood red that contrasted sharply against the twilight.

"Thank you for a wonderful time," Beth said as she and Nick carried their supplies back to his dorm. "I really needed that."

"I'm glad it helped. We need to start doing more stuff like that again."

"Yes, we do."

As they crested the stairs to Nick's floor, they nearly collided with Rich Hall, one of Trey's friends and a former teammate of Nick's. Beth glanced briefly through the doors to their left and spotted several others playing what appeared to be a video game in the TV lounge, which meant Rich was probably heading up to his room on the second floor to get more refreshments or snacks.

"What's up, Hammond?"

"The ceiling," Nick remarked and started toward his room.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. You're _so_ funny. I'll bet you won't be laughing when you're sitting in jail with Big Bubba breathing down your neck. Think you'll enjoy being his bitch, Nick?"

Nick opened his mouth to respond, but Beth beat him to it.

"I didn't know you were so cozy with Big Bubba, Rich," she said sweetly, curling her fingers possessively over Nick's shoulder. "I have to say that I'm surprised he was willing to settle for you."

Despite the rigid tension in the muscle beneath her hand, Nick laughed. She slid her hand down his arm and hooked his fingers, then tugged him toward his room.

Rich stared after them with his mouth hanging open. Beth grinned triumphantly, barely containing her laughter. Their fishing excursion really _had_ done wonders for her because, if Rich had made the same comment earlier, there was no way she would have been able to snap back like that.

Once they were safely inside Nick's room with the door closed, he flopped on his couch and laughed long and hard. It was almost a minute before he stopped, but even after, the broad smile remained firmly in place.

"That was great, Beth. I don't think I've ever seen Rich so totally at a loss for a good comeback."

"I know I haven't. That felt really good!"

Holding his arms out, Nick invited her to join him on the couch. She set her things on the floor and plopped on the cushion beside him, all the more elated when he wrapped his arms around her and started laughing again.

"I'll bet it does. That was the brightest spark of the old Beth I've seen yet."

# Twelve

"Can't you make some other night movie night, Nick? Does it have to be Wednesday?"

Nick finished stapling the flyer about the movie night in question to the bulletin board located in the middle of the hall. He glanced over his shoulder at the freshman and nodded. "Yep."

"But Wednesday is—"

"I know very well what Wednesday is. Why do you think I'm showing a movie you all want to see? It's part of my job as the RA of this floor to keep you youngsters out of trouble."

A familiar voice interrupted their conversation. "Don't you ever get tired of sounding like a broken record, Nick?"

"I do, but someone has to do it," he replied, turning around to face Michelle. His heart skipped a beat in recognition as he met her watchful green gaze. Having dated her for five months, he never would have thought that a week and a half of not seeing her would introduce such a jolt of unfamiliarity mixed disconcertingly with the sense of intimate awareness. Without taking his eyes off her, he said to the freshman, "Tyler, I'll see you later, all right?"

"Sure thing. I can take a hint," the freshman replied. "Catch you later. And, yes, I'll be at the movie on Wednesday."

"Glad to hear it."

Michelle waited until Nick's floor mate was back in his room at the other end of the hall before she spoke again. "Surprised to see me?"

"A little, yes, since I haven't seen anything of you since we broke up."

"I'm sorry, Nick. I'm not trying to be rude. Just trying to give us all some space. Are you up for joining me over at The Cup for some coffee and a little catching up?"

"Uh, yeah. I have time."

"No football, no classes to go to.... I imagine you have more time than you want or know what to do with."

Nick let out a huff of laughter as he walked with her down the hall toward his room. He pulled the door closed and locked it, then gestured for her to lead the way down the stairs. "That's a pretty accurate assessment."

They were silent as they walked south across campus to the Student Union Building. The Cup, the campus's coffee shop, was located in the eastern end across from the eatery that served pretty good pizza, tacos, and just about every other kind of semi-fast food a college student could ask for. At just after eight in the morning, there were surprisingly few students in The Cup, and Nick figured most were either in class or not yet out of bed. After they'd ordered and paid, he and Michelle took their steaming beverages to a table beside the window.

Bright morning sunlight streamed through the colorful leaves of the ash tree outside, adding a tinge of yellowish orange to the already cozy colors of the coffee shop. The non-native ash were always the first trees to drop their leaves, but when a gust of wind—chasing the storm that had blanketed the Northstar Mountains and valley with inches of heavy, wet snow over the weekend—sent a shower of leaves from the tree outside cascading and twirling from their branches, he wondered if there would be any color left in the aspen by the time he and Beth took their horseback ride in a couple weeks. Usually, the groves around Northstar peaked the last week of September and lost their leaves by the end of the first week of October, but it had been a mild fall thus far, so maybe the leaves would hang on a little longer.

"What are you thinking about?" Michelle asked.

"Home," he replied, returning his attention to her. "And how much I love this time of year."

Michelle laughed softly. "I just wish it didn't have to give way to winter cold. I'm not ready for snow yet. And speaking of snow... how was your trail drive this weekend? Did it snow on you up there?"

"Yep. It was cold and miserable, but I still had a good time."

"Of course you did." Michelle smiled. "We just got rain down here."

Nick sipped his coffee and peered out the window again, mesmerized by the almost constant fall of leaves. The wind seemed determined to strip the tree bare by the time he and Michelle finished their beverages.

"So," Michelle said, drawing out the single syllable. "How have you been?"

"I'm all right. You?"

"I'm good."

Again, they lapsed into silence, and Nick studied her. There was a shyness in her expression he hadn't seen since their first few dates but also simmering regret and something else he thought might be hope. The latter wasn't directed at him, he decided, because it disappeared when she met his gaze.

"This doesn't have to be awkward, Michelle. Our situation has changed, but we haven't."

She lowered her gaze again. "I know that. And I'm sorry for avoiding you. I just thought it would be best if we had some time apart while we adjusted." Clearing her throat, she added, "That and I've been getting reacquainted with a guy I was interested in before I met you. I wanted to get to know him a little better without you and Beth around to confuse my emotions."

"Confuse you how?"

"I haven't entirely gotten used to our shift from a romantic to a platonic relationship, and I don't want my lingering feelings for you influencing my decisions about this new guy. I need a clear head because I like him, and I don't want to screw it up because I think he could be another keeper like you... and one who isn't already taken."

Nick winced, reminded again that he hadn't been fair to Michelle in their last days together. He had no idea what he could have done differently, other than to end their relationship sooner, but honestly, that didn't seem any better. "What's his name?"

"Sam Delanney. I don't know that you've ever met him."

"The name sounds familiar."

"I, uh, met him before you asked me out. I may have mentioned him in passing."

"Ah."

"Anyhow, I think he wanted to ask me out then, but he's a bit shy." Michelle wrapped her fingers around her coffee and took a sip, then eyed him. "Would you be offended if I started dating him? Or is it too soon?"

"While I appreciate your consideration of my feelings, it's none of my business who you date. No, I wouldn't be offended at all. If he makes you happy, go for it." More lightly, he added, "Don't screw it up on my account."

When she grinned, he understood that this Sam was the reason for the hope he'd seen on her face, and as strange as it might be to think of her dating someone else, he _did_ put her happiness first and was pleased that she wanted to move on.

"What about you? Have you asked Beth out?"

"No."

"Well, why not?"

"For one, I need a little time to adjust. Just like you. So does Beth."

"Don't be stupid, Nick. I didn't leave the door open for you two so you could mess it all up by not acting."

"It's a lot more complicated than that, Michelle."

"Why? Because Trey says you attacked him because you were jealous that Beth was with him instead of you? Come on, Nick. That's a lame excuse."

"Maybe it would be if it weren't for the assault charge. It'd be rather foolish, don't you think, to announce to everyone that Beth and I are now dating? That'd pretty much be admitting Trey was right... even if that's not the truth."

"Who says you have to announce it? Unless you plan on making out in front of everyone, who will know?"

Nick admitted that he didn't have an argument for that. And the truth was, he _did_ want to ask Beth out. Unable to come up with any other reasons why he couldn't, he simply shrugged.

"Ask her out, Nick. Before anything else happens."

"You're sure _you_ are okay with that?"

"I broke up with you so you could go out with her didn't I?"

"You said you weren't going to fight a battle you knew you couldn't win. That's not the same thing."

"Perhaps not," she replied. She was silent for a moment as she searched his face before elaborating. "But I'm okay with it. If I wasn't or if I didn't think she was right for you, do you honestly think I would've given you up? Come on, Nick. I'm way too stubborn."

He sat back in his chair and laughed. "I'd say you're more determined than stubborn. And also refreshingly sure of yourself. I've always appreciated that about you."

"I'm pretty sure Beth has those same qualities."

"She does. They've just been shaken, and it's going to take some time to fully rebuild them."

"I know it's not much consolation to either of you, but I'm really very sorry for whatever happened."

"Yeah. Me, too."

"I hope a romantic element hasn't made your friendship with her feel too weird."

He shook his head. "No. The opposite, actually. It's like there's always been a fence between us, and it's gone now. I can't speak for Beth, but to me, it feels like our friendship is stronger and more open than it's ever been."

Michelle grinned. "I told you so." She leaned forward, and her expression softened. "So, this means we can set the awkwardness aside and start being friends now, right?"

"Right," he agreed.

After that, their conversation turned to lighter topics. They laughed about past adventures, talked about their classes, and Nick's duties as RA, his brothers and her sister, and a dozen other topics. It was nice to sit down and talk with her and shove the thoughts of his impending trial and the ongoing troubles with Trey far from his mind. There was something more—a worry Nick hadn't even been aware of eased. He had been afraid of completely losing Michelle and was glad to know that they would be able to move ahead as friends, that they would—and sooner rather than later—be comfortable with their new arrangement. Amidst the confusion and stress of everything else, that knowledge was a beacon of hope that life would eventually settle down again.

At ten minutes to nine, Michelle excused herself to head to class, and Nick returned to his room. There was a folded piece of notebook paper taped to his door, and even before he took it down and opened it, he had a pretty good idea of whom it was from. It was a rough drawing of a pair of handcuffs, captioned with, _That's what you get for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong._ It wasn't signed, but Nick easily recognized Trey's handwriting. He nearly crumpled the note, then thought better of it. He had no idea yet how he or Beth would be able to use these presents from Trey and his friends, but he knew she was right to keep them, so he set the note on top of his mini fridge to give to her when she got out of class.

Rather than ensconcing himself at his desk, he grabbed his books and notebook and flopped on his couch. He didn't immediately get to work, however. His mind was instead preoccupied with his conversation with Michelle. There was another reason why he hadn't yet asked Beth out that he hadn't mentioned. He wasn't sure yet if she was ready, and he would not jeopardize her recovery or their future—whatever it might hold—by moving too fast.

Beth had clung to the good mood their fishing trip last Thursday had brought her, but it had slowly weakened as the days passed and Trey relentlessly continued his campaign of harassment. The last glimmer of it evaporated when she and Nick reached his dorm room and found yet another gift.

"That one's actually pretty inspired," Nick remarked, nodding his head toward the stuffed yellow duck leaning against his door. Someone had dressed it in the old-time black and white stripes of a prison uniform. "Jailbird. Funny. I'm surprised Trey came up with something that creative."

"I'm sure he had help," Beth replied, scowling at the stuffed animal.

Trey's pranks leaned more toward the crude, like the box of condoms he'd tied to the antenna of her car on Thursday. She wasn't sure he was capable of something so creative.

The muscle in Nick's jaw twitched as he bent down to pick up the stuffed animal. With a humorless smile, he said, "I may have to keep this one."

Beth took the duck from him and dropped it on the floor. Turning fully toward him, she brushed her fingertips along his jaw and slid her hands around the back of his neck. For the briefest moment, his guard dropped, and she saw in his kind blue eyes a glimpse of the pain and frustration he was struggling to quell. "Don't, Nick."

"Why not?"

"We don't need any more reminders of all this than we have already."

She threaded her arms around his neck, drawing herself up on her toes to hug him tightly, wishing everything else were as simple and easy as being with him. If she had worried that shifting their relationship into a different gear would somehow change their effortless interactions, she would have been dead wrong. Even the rape did not seem to have affected how comfortable she was with Nick, perhaps because they'd been friends so long or because she'd always known instinctively that he would never hurt her or because he'd been the one to save her. She didn't know why, and she didn't really care, either.

"Fine, I won't keep it," he said with a trace of his usual humor in his words. "Why don't you take it downstairs to your room and put it in the box with the rest of the crap while I get my assignments. Then I'll walk over to Main Hall with you and turn them in while you meet with Dr. Keller."

"I still have a half hour before I'm supposed to meet with him," she replied.

"Maybe he'll be in his office. If we get this stuff out of the way, we can head out to Northstar early."

"I thought you had some RA thing to do this afternoon."

"I traded with Joe for next Friday."

"Ah. In that case...." She kissed his cheek. "I'll see you in a couple minutes."

Beth grabbed the duck and took it downstairs, astonished that there weren't any surprises waiting for her. She dropped the stuffed animal in the cardboard box with the rest of her evidence and stared at it all for a minute. The same anger that had claimed her last week when she'd retorted so sharply to Rich saturated her, and she clenched her jaw, furious that Trey was getting away with all this garbage... that he felt the need to do it. Hadn't he done enough to satisfy whatever cruelty possessed him?

"Obviously not," she muttered. "And this is getting ridiculous."

She reached down and picked up the box, set it on the corner of her desk and folded the flaps closed, deciding it was time to do something—anything—about the harassment. She locked her door behind her and headed back upstairs. Nick was waiting for her on the landing by the door, and he eyed the box.

"What are you doing with that?"

"Something I probably should have done when Trey wrote the first insult on my whiteboard. I'm taking it to Dean Harris. He may not be able to do anything because we can't honestly prove Trey and his friends are the ones doing this, but he might be inclined to keep an eye on them. And you never know. Maybe he'll catch them at it."

"Do you need me to come with you?"

"No, go turn your assignments in because Smith has a class in fifteen minutes, and you might not catch him again today."

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be okay, Nick. I know you're allowed to go to Rob's office, but it's probably best if you don't go into JDC unless you absolutely need to."

"Meet you in Main Hall, then."

She nodded and headed toward JDC. With most students in the cafeteria still or eating lunch in town, the campus was remarkably quiet. It was possible that Dean Harris wouldn't be in his office, but he had been known to eat lunch at work. Luck was with her, and the girl at the desk in the Student Life Office informed her that the Dean of Students was indeed in.

"Beth, how are you?" Rob asked when she stepped into his office and closed the door.

"Better... and not."

"What do you have there?"

"Some presents from Trey. He and his friends have been leaving them for me and Nick."

She set the box on his desk and opened it. He stood and peered inside, the lifted out the fuzzy pink handcuffs.

"He left those on Nick's door sometime the Sunday before last. They were hanging on his doorknob when we came back from Northstar."

"And these?" Dean Harris asked, holding up the box of condoms.

"Found them tied to my car's antenna on Thursday. There is more, too. Trey—I'm certain it's him because it's his handwriting—has been leaving nasty messages on my whiteboard. I finally took it down the same day he left the condoms on my car."

"Nasty messages? Such as?"

"Slut, whore, thanks for the ride, and the morning he left the condoms, he wrote 'Nick's little bitch'."

Dean Harris swore under his breath. "I am so sorry you're going through this, Beth, especially after everything else. I wish you'd brought it to my attention sooner."

"I hoped he'd get bored."

"Are you _sure_ it's Trey doing this?"

"Other than his handwriting, I can't prove it, but who else do you think would do it? I know you can't really do anything about this without proof, but I thought if you knew, you might be able to keep an eye on him... see if you can catch him at it."

"There's not _much_ I can do at this point, but I can have a talk with him, and I will absolutely be watching. This is, unquestionably, harassment."

"Do you mind if I keep this for now? I think Hal McInerny might be interested in it."

"It's yours to do with as you see fit," the dean replied. "Between you and me, I am impressed you had the forethought to keep it all, and I'm sure Mr. McInerny will be _quite_ interested in it."

Beth smiled and excused herself. She dropped the box off in her room, grabbed her notebook and a pen, and headed over to Main Hall. She was almost to the steps when she heard Trey's voice.

"Hey, Beth!"

She looked around to see where he was and found him strolling toward her from the admin building.

As soon as he saw that she'd spotted him, he rubbed his palm over his crotch and shouted, "I'm ready for round two whenever you are, babe!"

The thought of what he was proposing made her ill. Nausea churned her stomach, and she hurried up the steps into Main Hall before the bile had a chance to spill into her mouth. She tucked herself into the corner just inside the door and tipped her head back to quell the queasiness. Peering through the window in the heavy, antique door, she watched Trey strut into Mathews Hall and dreaded finding out what would greet her or Nick when they returned to their rooms.

Pressing her fist to her lips, she closed her eyes for a moment and forced herself to calm down. She was okay. Trey hadn't followed her, and Nick was just upstairs. She climbed the staircase slowly, methodically, and as she ascended to the second floor, she heard voices and laughter that was decidedly callous. When she peeked around the corner at the top of the stairs, she discovered the source of the commotion. Nick sat in a chair outside Dr. Smith's office a quarter of the way down the long hall, pretending to read his papers while two of Trey's friends—Rich and Eric—stood beside him, obviously harassing him. Even from this distance, she could see the irritation on his face plainly, but he was otherwise ignoring them.

"Come on, Hammond," Rich taunted. "If you're such a brawler now, why don't you show us?"

Beth strode forward, and anger seared away the nausea. Just before she reached them, Eric lightly slapped Nick, who jerked his head up and smiled so coldly that she shivered.

"Go ahead and do that again. _Please_. Give me an excuse to defend myself."

Eric reached to slap him again, harder, but Beth pushed him away. "Leave him alone!" she snapped. "I am so sick of your juvenile bullshit! Yours and Trey's. Grow up or go back to preschool."

"Oh, come on, babe," Rich said. "We're just having a little fun with him."

"It won't be so fun when you find yourself explaining to the cops how you started the fight and still got your butts handed to you."

"Yeah, right. He ain't that tough."

"You sure about that?" Beth asked. She considered her words very carefully, knowing she couldn't admit that he'd taken Trey down with little effort. She was trying to keep Nick out of trouble, not cause more for him. "I'm pretty sure you'd be a lot easier to take down than a three-hundred-pound calf at branding time."

"We're not some stupid cows," Rich retorted.

"You know, you're right. The calves are a lot smarter. Come on, Nick. You can turn in your assignments later."

Nick stood and followed her toward the stairs with a combination of relief and gratitude on his face.

Before they'd gone twenty steps, Eric remarked loudly, "Behold! The power of pussy." Rich laughed, so Eric added, "Not that I blame you, Hammond. I'd love to hit that, too. Think I can have a turn when you're done with her?"

Nick spun around and stalked toward them. "What the hell did you just say?"

"Nick!" Beth yelled. "Stop it!"

He obeyed but snarled, "Do not _ever_ touch her."

Nick waited outside Dr. Keller's office during her meeting, and by the time they headed downstairs afterwards, Eric and Rich had left. Dr. Smith was just leaving his office when they returned, and Nick handed over his assignments.

"Thanks, Nick," the professor replied. "Come on inside for a minute, and I'll get you next week's work. I appreciate your willingness to keep up your grades despite the circumstances, but I'll be glad to have you back in class."

Beth smiled. At least one of Nick's professors believed he _would_ be coming back. When Nick left Dr. Smith's office, much of the exasperation had left his face, and the rest of it disappeared when she took his hand. He squeezed her hand and offered her a genuine if brief smile.

It vanished as soon as they reached her room to find Dean Harris standing outside it, staring at the note taped to it. Beth let go of Nick's hand and joined the dean in front of her door. The piece of sloppily torn notebook paper said simply, _Round 2?_

"What does this mean?" Rob asked.

Beth shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She knew exactly what it meant, but she couldn't explain it without revealing what round one was. "I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with Nick's assault charge?"

Dean Harris didn't buy it, but he didn't question her further. "I just talked to him—caught him as he was heading back to his room just now. He swears he hasn't had anything to do with these... pranks. If anything else like this happens, please do me a favor and let me know right away."

"How about Richard Hall and Eric Rice trying to pick a fight with Nick about twenty minutes ago?" Beth inquired.

"Yes, that'd be something I need to know. What happened?"

Nick explained up to the point that Beth had arrived, and she filled in the rest. A dark scowl passed over Dean Harris's normally jovial face.

"If you two will excuse me, I have a couple students to speak with. Nick, you might want to bring this up with your lawyer. Slapping you—even lightly—constitutes assault. At the very least, it's harassment, and Mr. McInerny will want to know about it."

"I've already got enough trouble to deal with," Nick replied quietly. "I don't know that I need to be adding any more legal issues to it."

"Even though you're the injured party this time?"

"It wasn't much of a slap."

"All right. Well, talk to your lawyer about it, regardless."

Nick nodded. Dean Harris bid them farewell and strode away. Beth unlocked her door and pulled Nick inside, then closed and locked the door behind them. When she turned around to address him, he'd sat on the edge of her bed and curled over his knees with his hands locked behind his head. Everything about this situation was so wrong and so surreal that, right then, she wondered if it was real. She sat beside him and rubbed her hand across his back. The muscles beneath her fingers were taut, and when she tried to pull him upright, it was like trying to move a boulder.

"Nick," she murmured. "Look at me, please."

He obeyed, and when he met her gaze, she flinched. The agony in his eyes broke her heart. She'd seen it only once before, and then she hadn't been in a clear enough state of mind to really take note of it, too consumed by her own pain. Where was her easygoing, smiling Nick?

"I totally understand now how you felt when you wanted to quit school," Nick said.

The exhaustion in his voice worried her. "Except that it would have been my choice. You may not have a choice. That makes it harder, I'm sure."

"I just want to go home to Northstar," he murmured. "Forget all this for a couple of days."

"Then let's go. I'm sure, after all this crap, even a rainy cattle drive will seem like a vacation."

Nick nodded, then lay back on the bed, covering his face with his hands. She lay beside him with her head on his shoulder and was glad when he wrapped his arms around her because it meant he wasn't so lost in his thoughts that he couldn't feel anything else.

"I'm so sorry this is happening," he whispered. "You deserve better, but it seems like the harder I try to make it go away, the worse it gets."

"It's not your fault any more than it is mine," she replied. "But at least we have each other."

"Always."

She absently traced the lettering on the front of his T-shirt until he gently captured her hand and pressed their palms together. The gesture was so simple and yet so tenderly intimate.

"Since we've already crossed the line," he murmured, gazing at their hands for a moment before turning his eyes to her face, "I suppose I should make it official and ask you out. The answer is still yes, isn't it?"

"Just so I'm clear, this is you asking me out?"

"Yes, it is."

"Then, yes, I will."

Suddenly, she thought of his ex-girlfriend, whom they hadn't seen much of, and felt guilty for moving so quickly into Michelle's place.

"I thought Michelle said she wanted to keep you as a friend," Beth said quietly. "But we haven't seen hardly anything of her."

"I talked to her Monday while you were in class. She stopped by. She's adjusting, just like we are, and she has a new love interest she'd like to investigate without us around—how did she say it?—to confuse her emotions."

"She found a new boyfriend already?"

"They're not dating yet, but she was interested in him before we got together, and she wants to explore the possibilities." He turned his face to her, and she caught a glimmer of the Nick she knew and loved. A faintly playful smile graced his cherished features as he reached to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Besides... I have a new girlfriend already, so what's wrong with her having a new boyfriend?"

"A new girlfriend from a very old friend, which means we've kinda skipped over the whole getting-to-know-you part."

"Mmm-hmm. She did ask if a romantic element had changed our friendship. Does it feel like it has?"

"No. If anything, I feel like our relationship is even more open than it always has been. Like there's always been a wall or something between us, and now it's gone."

"That's almost exactly how I explained it."

"What did she say to that?"

"I told you so."

Beth laughed. "I knew I liked her."

"She's definitely something special," Nick agreed. "But so are you. And I'm beginning to understand, more every day, that you're the right kind of special for me."

"Can I try something?" she asked abruptly.

"Um... sure?"

She propped herself on her elbow and gazed down at him for a moment, questioning whether this was a good idea after their troubles today. While she debated it, she brushed her fingers through his hair, then smoothed her hand up his neck and back along his jaw. Finally, she decided she didn't care if it was a good idea or not and obeyed the impulse to kiss him. She touched her lips lightly to his at first, testing herself to make sure she wasn't going to freak out on him. Nick didn't kiss her back, but he didn't pull away, either, submitting and giving her complete control. She pressed her lips more firmly to his, exploring the sensations of kissing a man she'd never thought about kissing until recently. It was as easy as everything else with him was, and the heat that built in her core surprised her. She curled her other hand around the side of his head with her thumb against the line between his jaw and ear, resting her upper body over his. This was not her first real kiss, but it felt like none of the others mattered.

"Put your arms around me," she whispered.

He did, settling one hand on her lower back and burying the other in her hair. Beth gave in fully to her desire and deepened the kiss, gratified when he finally kissed her back. Thrill soared through her, and with a demand that shocked her, she explored his mouth and curled her fingers around fistful of his hair, oblivious to everything but him. There was only Nick and this incredible sense of freedom, relief, and a dozen other wonderfully consuming emotions. Her heart pounded, and rational thought faded quickly, eradicated by the dizzying sensations.

Before she lost control, she released his mouth and raised herself up a bit to smile down at him, sensing that it wouldn't be wise to push it. Desire hazed his eyes in a most distracting way, dilating his pupils until his irises were thin rims of blue around deep pools of black. She pressed another light kiss to his lips, then smiled again.

"Well?" she asked.

"That was unexpected and delightful."

Her lips parted in a broad grin. "I guess that answers the question of whether or not there's a physical chemistry between us to match the emotional one."

"It most certainly does. But... are you all right? No bad thoughts? No fear?"

"None whatsoever." Beth pulled her legs up on the bed and laid her head on his chest, unable to stop smiling. Sighing contentedly, she murmured, "I'm never afraid with you."

# Thirteen

He was getting used to the routine of turning assignments in and picking up new ones to work on, but he still would have preferred to be in class. Tad and other classmates made sure he had plenty of notes, but he was missing so much without participating in the discussions and labs. It didn't help that he might never be allowed to return to class if he was convicted of the assault. Being as the charge was only misdemeanor assault, he'd have the opportunity to petition for re-admission the following year if he stayed out of trouble, but there was no guarantee his petition would be approved.

Nick trotted down the steps of Main Hall with his newest assignments in hand and headed for his dorm room to get his bag and truck keys. He had a lunch meeting with Beth and Hal in fifteen minutes downtown to bring his lawyer up to speed with Trey's antics. Because Hal had been out of town on other business, Nick had only been able to speak briefly with him over the phone about it in the week since Beth had gotten Dean Harris involved. Rob's involvement had curtailed the harassment a little, but Trey still found ways to insult them, usually in the form of notes and crude drawings slipped under their doors in the middle of the night. Eric had been assigned community service for the slap. Rich had been informed that he would receive the same if Dean Harris heard that he'd said even one more word to either Beth or Nick.

After the meeting with Hal, he and Beth would head home to Northstar for the weekend, and Nick was genuinely looking forward to their ride tomorrow. Most of the aspen still held on to their brilliant yellow leaves, and he and Beth planned to spend all day searching for the most spectacular grove and picnicking up at Baldy Lake. The weather was supposed to be beautiful—sunny with a few clouds—but even if it snowed on them, it'd still be better than staying here on campus to be taunted while Dean Harris wasn't around to keep a leash on Trey and his friends. Hell, even two weekends ago, when he _had_ been snowed on driving the herds down from the summer allotments, had been a welcomed respite.

He glanced back at Main Hall, wondering again if he'd graduate on schedule in the spring and if it wouldn't be better to throw in the towel and turn his attention instead to the ranch. It was very tempting, but he knew he'd spend the rest of his life regretting not finishing his degree because he hated to leave things unfinished.

When he turned his gaze forward again, he stopped. Rich, Eric, and another of Trey's friends Nick didn't know blocked his path.

"Where you going, Hammond?" Eric inquired, sneering.

"Home. Excuse me."

"Uh-uh," Rich said, stepping in front of him when he tried to walk around them. "You're not getting away so easy this time."

_Easy?_ "What is your problem with me? I get why Trey hates me, and believe me, the feeling is mutual. But you three? Are you going to be his lackeys the rest of your lives, or do you plan to start thinking for yourselves someday?"

"I got ten hours of campus community service because of you," Eric snapped. "Do you know how pissed my parents are?"

"If you didn't want to get into trouble, maybe you should have kept your hands to yourself."

"That wouldn't be any fun," a new voice said from behind him.

Nick clenched his jaw and turned to find Trey standing far too close, smirking. "I cannot believe I was ever stupid enough to consider you a friend," he snapped. "You are a truly sick, twisted son of a bitch."

He had to get out of here before the situation deteriorated from bad to terrible. The easiest route would be past Trey because he was certain the others would prevent him from going around them, and he started that way only to be jerked backwards by Rich.

"Let... go," he said, yanking his arm free.

From the corner of his vision, he saw his brothers approaching on their way from Mathews to Main Hall for class. Dread weighed heavily on Nick as his concern switched from keeping himself out of trouble to keeping Aaron and Henry out of this mess. That's all their family needed.

"What the hell is going on here?" Aaron demanded.

"Stay out of it," Nick barked. "No point in you getting in trouble, too."

"Bullshit, Nick," Henry retorted. "They want to pick a fight, we'll even the tables on them."

"Please..." Nick begged. "Please stay—"

Someone's fist connected with his right shoulder, and pain shot through the joint. Another punch—from a different direction—landed on his jaw, snapping his head around. His self-control shattered. Every rational thought about keeping a cool head and not giving Trey anything else to use against him vanished, razed by pent-up anger and frustration. He punched Eric in the cheek, twisted and drove his elbow into Rich's side. Before he could go after the third friend of Trey's, Aaron and Henry grabbed his arms and jerked him back so hard he nearly lost his feet.

"Right now would be a very good time to relax, bro," Henry whispered. "The goddamned Vice Chancellor's on his way over, and I'm pretty sure the only thing he saw was you hitting those two jackasses."

_Ah, hell_ , Nick thought, regaining his balance and straightening. Disbelief at his bad luck and disgust at himself for taking the bait instantly chilled the fight in him, though it didn't by any means eradicate it. Fury simmered beneath the surface, far too ready and willing to be called upon again.

The white-haired, rail-thin Vice Chancellor's face was frighteningly red by the time he reached them.

"You! Mr. Hammond, right? I do believe you were allowed to remain on campus during your suspension with the condition that you stay a minimum of fifty feet away from Mr. Holt, and yet here you are fighting with him again! You'll be lucky if you aren't kicked off campus and expelled by nightfall."

Anger ignited again. "I didn't—"

"I saw you strike these two gentlemen with my own eyes, Mr. Hammond. Do not presume to tell me that my own eyes are lying to me."

"No, but I was—"

"I don't care what you were doing. Come with me, Mr. Hammond. We're going to go have a talk with Dean Harris."

"Yes," Nick snapped. "That sounds like a _great_ idea. Maybe you'll actually let me say I—"

"Save it for Dean Harris."

Aaron stepped forward and said, "Sir, he didn't start—"

"You two had best come along. The rest of you... unless you have something to say, get on to wherever you're going."

Nick stared as Trey and his friends walked away grinning triumphantly and snickering. Henry and Aaron tried repeatedly to explain to the Vice Chancellor what had transpired as the four of them walked across campus to JDC, but the man refused to listen, interrupting them every time. Nick didn't bother trying to explain again and walked silently into Dean Harris's office. Rob shot up from his chair and paused only half a second to inspect Nick's face before he asked the girl manning the Student Life Office window to fetch him an ice pack.

"Now what happened?" he asked.

"Caught this one fighting with Trey Holt and three other boys just now outside Main Hall," the Vice Chancellor replied, prodding Nick in the back. "Fortunately, these other two pulled him back before he could cause too much damage, but he managed to punch one of the boys and elbow another. I imagine they'll be visiting you soon to report it."

"You should have brought them all to me."

"These two weren't part of the fight, so I figured they'd be better witnesses."

Rob glanced between Aaron and Henry, then told the Vice Chancellor, "These other two are his brothers, and I imagine they pulled him out for his sake rather than the other boys'."

The Vice Chancellor looked surprise to learn that the twins were Nick's brothers. The familial resemblance between the three of them was strong, and it was rare that people who didn't know them didn't immediately assume they were brothers. For whatever absurd reason, it struck Nick as funny. Was the man really _that_ oblivious? He swallowed the laugh, however, figuring it was deeply inappropriate at the moment.

"They hit first," Henry said. "Rich got him in the shoulder—the one he dislocated—and Eric hit him in the face."

"Rich Hall? And Eric Rice?"

"Yes, sir," Aaron replied. "Nick didn't hit first. He was trying to walk away when Rich grabbed his arm."

The girl brought the ice pack to Nick. He held it to his jaw, only now calm enough to notice that his face hurt. His shoulder did, too, and more than it should from a punch, and he hoped it hadn't been reinjured. While he listened as Henry and Aaron recounted the fight, he tested the joint. Mercifully, everything worked as it should.

"That's not what I saw," the Vice Chancellor said when Nick's brothers had finished their tale. "I didn't see those other boys hit Mr. Hammond, and I don't believe they did. These two are just trying to keep their brother out of trouble."

"Did you actually see the whole thing, Dick?" Rob inquired. "Judging by the look of Nick's jaw, I'd say he was hit, and since you didn't see it, I think it's safe to assume he was hit before you saw him throw that punch. Might you have missed some of what happened?"

"Well, I suppose I might have."

"I'm inclined to believe you did because those same boys—Rich and Eric—tried and failed to get him to fight them last week. Also, I'm fairly certain they and Mr. Holt and possibly other individuals have been harassing Mr. Hammond and another student."

"In that case," the Vice Chancellor said grudgingly, "I believe I owe Mr. Hammond an apology for misunderstanding the situation."

Nick waited, but the man said nothing _to_ him before he left the office. He'd never cared much for the Vice Chancellor, and now he really didn't like him.

"Are you all right, Nick?" Rob asked.

"As all right as I can be considering that I've been charged with assault, am being harassed on a daily basis, and might not graduate on time... if I'm allowed to graduate at all."

"I'm sorry. I really am." Rob addressed Aaron and Henry again. "What about Trey Holt? Was he involved in the actual fight?"

"No, he stayed out of it," Henry replied. "Coward."

"I think it would be wise to keep such commentary to yourself, Henry, especially because it's better for your brother that he _did_ stay out of it."

"Yessir."

Rob let out a breath. "You boys sure are keeping me busy," he said. "Nick, Mr. McInerny is back in town, isn't he?"

Nick nodded.

"Good. I'll be calling him as soon as I talk to Rich, Eric, and Trey. Again."

"I'm supposed to be meeting with him right now," Nick said.

"Make sure you tell him about this, and let him know, too, that I'll be calling with more details. I won't keep you any longer. Keep the ice pack and get out of here. All three of you."

Aaron and Henry walked back to Mathews with him, and he realized that they were late for class. When he reminded him of that, they shrugged.

"Thank you for staying out of the fight," he said.

"We figured you didn't need anything else to worry about," Aaron replied.

"Because we know what a total worrywart you are," Henry added. "We'll see you at home later tonight, right?"

"Yeah. Try not to kill Trey at practice tonight, all right?"

"Can't make any promises, bro," Henry said.

Nick returned to where Trey and his buddies had waylaid him hoping to pick up the papers he'd dropped. Unsurprisingly, they were torn to pieces and scattered all over the lawn. He debated whether he should attempt tracking down his professors to get new copies now or wait until Monday. If he waited, he'd have to cram to get the assignments done, but he was already late for his meeting with Beth and Hal, and he didn't think it would be smart to chance running into Trey or Rich or Eric again right now, so he headed instead for his truck.

Hal's office, which he rarely used, was an airy space as un-lawyerish as Hal himself with big windows that provided a good view of the sagebrush hills on the west edge of Devyn and decorated with rustic Western furniture and accents. When Nick entered, Hal and Beth were standing beside the windows.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to have a chat with Rob Harris," Nick said by way of greeting.

"That's all right. Beth has been filling me in about—" Hal stopped short when Nick joined him and Beth at the windows. "What in tarnation happened to your face?"

"Someone punched me."

"Someone who?"

He detailed the whole fight and the conversation with the Vice Chancellor and Dean Harris, and by the time he finished, he felt hollow and drained. He sat in a chair in front of Hal's wide pine desk, propped his elbow on the scarred desktop, and dropped his head into his hand, too tired to hold it up. Recalling the way the Vice Chancellor had reacted crushed him, and he sank down in the chair until his head rested in the crook of his elbow. He'd been given no opportunity to defend himself or explain, and without asking _anyone_ involved exactly what had transpired, the Vice Chancellor had assumed Nick had started the fight. No doubt the assault charge had played into the man's reaction, and Nick choked on his own breath. Was that how people thought of him now? As an uncontrollable brawler? Worse than the possibility that people were beginning to think he was an agitator was the possibility that he was becoming one. The fact that he _had_ lost control added more weight to what was already pressing him down, and he folded his arms around his head. He'd never lost it like that before. Even when he'd broken in on Trey raping Beth, he'd been able to stop himself to help her, more concerned about her than exacting revenge, but today.... If Aaron and Henry hadn't grabbed him, it was quite likely he would have gone on fighting until either he or his opponents couldn't fight back.

"Nick," Beth said gently, lowering herself into the chair beside him. She curled her hand around his upper arm. "I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. This isn't who you are."

Without lifting his head, he replied, "It _wasn't_ , but I'm afraid... afraid this is what I'm becoming."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never snapped like that before."

"And you've never been pushed like this before, either," Hal remarked. "Beth's told me all about the harassment you and she have been subjected to, and you are both handling yourselves with incredible and admirable composure."

Nick appreciated the compliment but didn't entirely believe it. Disgust and helplessness shuddered through him, and tears threatened as he tried to force it all away. He balled his hands into fists. Somehow, he had to find a way to survive this without losing himself in the process. He lifted his head, and his gaze sought Beth's cherished face for a reminder of why he had to do this, why he couldn't let her go up against the Holts by reporting the rape. For him, it was a relatively impersonal matter, but for her... the most intimate details of her life would be on display to be picked apart as Trey and his family and their attorney tried to put the blame of the rape on her instead of on Trey where it belonged.

"Are you sure you want to continue with this, Nick?" Hal inquired.

"I don't have a choice."

"Yes, you do," Beth replied. "I could talk to Trey or his parents and convince them to drop the charge."

Nick shook his head vehemently. "No."

"I could try."

"After all this crap Trey is doing, do you really think he'd listen? Even if it was their decision and not the county attorney's, it's not an option, Beth," he said. "I don't want you getting close enough to for him to grab you because if he hurts you again, I'll give him a _real_ reason to accuse me of assault."

"Fine. Then I'll report the rape."

Nick stared at her, then glanced sharply at Hal and was confused because his lawyer didn't look surprised by her admission.

"Beth already told me," Hal explained. "While we were waiting for you. She told me exactly what happened that night, everything from your double date with her and Trey to her falling asleep in your dorm room at some ungodly hour of the morning. That was some good thinking on your part, Nick, taking her to the hospital so quickly for a rape exam. If she chooses to report the rape—and I really think she should, if she can find the courage to do it—this becomes a very clear case of self-defense because you prevented further harm to Beth when you fought with Trey."

"I can't let her do that, Hal," Nick said. Panic stirred at the very thought. "And you know why."

"Yes, I know why, Nick," Hal said. "But I also know she cares as deeply for you as you do for her, and it's only natural that she wants to protect you like you're protecting her. Now, in regards to the harassment, I strongly suggest Beth look into filing for an Order of Protection against Trey. I would also suggest reporting the three boys who attacked you today to the police for—at the very least—disorderly conduct. Personally, I'd prefer to report it as assault because that's what it was."

"Except that it'll just paint me in a worse light because I let them get to me and threw a couple punches—"

"In self-defense," Hal finished. "I know Dean Harris is doing what he can from the college level, but I seriously doubt that will be enough because I'm sure the other deans fear a lawsuit from the Holts."

Nick pressed the heels of his palms to his closed eyes. "I can't think about this right now. I can't process any of it."

"Then go home for the weekend and get some rest, think about it and talk to your folks about it, and get back to me on Monday."

Nick nodded numbly and stood. With a listless vow to Hal to call him after the weekend, he followed Beth outside. The promise of two and a half peaceful days on his family's ranch lifted some of the crushing fatigue, but he doubted that short time would be enough to fully revive him, and he dreaded what would be waiting for him on Sunday night when he returned to campus.

It was a perfect day for a horseback ride across the Lazy H Ranch and up to Baldy Lake. Fluffy clouds dotted the deep sapphire sky, sliding gracefully on brisk upper-level winds. The Northstar Mountains were snowcapped and gleaming white, and cool temperatures promised they would remain so until next summer. The quaking aspen were vibrantly yellow and shivering in a light breeze, and Beth smiled in an anticipation of riding beneath them through the magically shifting shadows.

"This was a great idea," she remarked as she slipped her foot into the stirrup and pulled herself into Cascade's saddle. The young buckskin mare swiveled her ears toward the gate of the corral as Nick swung it open, as excited as her rider to be getting out.

Nick only nodded in response before he climbed into Remington's saddle and led the way through the gate. Beth rode beside him, glancing at him periodically as they headed toward the mountains and the Baldy Lake trailhead. He was unusually quiet with a faint frown pinching his brows and a colorful bruise on his jaw where either Rich or Eric had punched him yesterday. When he reached to rub and prod his shoulder—the one that had been partially dislocated and should be nearly healed by now—she wondered if maybe it hadn't been injured worse than he'd said.

The physical consequences of yesterday's fight were the least of her concerns. She thought back over what he'd said during their meeting with Hal, and genuinely began to worry for Nick's state of mind. Were it only the arrest and impending trial, the possibility of a fine and jail time, and even the chance that he wouldn't be able to finish school, she had no doubt he could have handled it without flinching, but the continuous and escalating harassment from Trey and his friends on top of the rest was wearing through Nick's unshakeable patience. How much further could he be pushed before he broke? Not a whole lot more, she believed, because she had never seen him so overwrought as he'd been yesterday in Hal's office or as listless as he was now when he would normally be enjoying himself.

"I'm worried about you, Nick," she murmured as they walked their horses side by side up the wide beginning of the trail.

"I'll be all right," he replied.

It was an automatic response because he was most definitely _not_ all right, and Beth said so. "It's a gorgeous day and we're out on your ranch on horseback, so you should be smiling... but instead, you're scowling."

"I'm sorry," he replied. "I guess I'm still not feeling quite like myself again yet."

"When was the last time you _did_ feel like yourself?" she asked even though she knew the answer.

"You know when," he replied. "Nothing has been right since that night."

"No... but something that was wrong before is finally how it should be."

At last, he glanced at her with the tiniest flicker of a smile. "Do you really believe that? Even after Trey?"

"Especially after Trey. The two of you are so wonderfully different, and what he did makes me appreciate you so much more." She tipped her head back for a moment to let the morning sun warm the morning chill from her cheeks before glancing at him again. "I've taken you for granted for a long time. I certainly didn't understand just how incredible you are."

"If you're trying to cheer me up," Nick said, "you don't need to. I'll be—"

"Fine. So you said, but I'm not so sure of that right now. However, I'll leave you alone for now because I'd say what you need more than someone to listen is a good ride."

She dropped the conversation and allowed the gorgeous scenery to envelop and distract her. The trail wound through dense pine and fir forest occasionally interrupted by riotous, golden aspen groves, and as they rode quietly from the evergreen woods into the deciduous groves, the light changed from cool green shadow to a warm yellow glow that dazzled her. The dying leaves of the aspen clicked and shimmered in the light breeze, mesmerizing her eyes and ears and mind. The largest grove stood at the top of the trail and reached right to the shore of the small but pristine Baldy Lake. Beth's breath caught in her throat as the lake came into view. Its surface was glassy but for a few ripples stirred by the breeze, and those glittered beneath the autumn sun. They were blessed to have this, she thought, and even in his bleak mood, Nick realized it, too. For the moment, the frown was gone and her favorite, faint smile of contentment again graced his handsome face.

They turned their horses toward the tiny meadow just at the edge of the aspen grove and dismounted. Nick pulled his rifle out of its boot on Remington's saddle and leaned it against a log within easy reach while he loosened the girth and slipped the bridle off the stallion's head. He then pulled their sack lunches out of his saddlebags and set them beside the gun. Beth pulled a blanket out of her saddlebag and did the same with Cascade's saddle and bridle as Nick had done.

"Do you think he'll be a good boy and stay close by?" Beth asked. "Because, you know, he _does_ have a well-known wild streak."

"He does, but it's the strangest thing. He has taken to following me around like a dog when he can. Don't you, Rem?" Nick scratched above the bay's eyes, and the stallion pushed his head against his rider's hand.

At the moment, Beth found it hard to believe this was the same horse who had bucked Trey off this summer with something that had looked distinctly like glee. She laughed softly. "Looks like it."

Sure enough, as soon as he was free to do as he pleased, Remington decided to stay within a dozen yards of them. Cascade, unsurprisingly, stayed close by as well. Beth had purchased her almost seven years ago as a yearling and trained her herself, and much like Nick and Remington, they had bonded immediately. While she didn't have the stallion's impressive champion bloodlines, Cascade did have an instinct and ability for working cattle that rivaled his, and she wondered if the Hammonds would agree to let her breed them and, if so, how much they would charge.

Because horses appeared to be a good way to get Nick to talk, she asked, "I heard a rumor—from your mother, no less—that Remington might soon be officially _your_ horse. Is that true?"

"Dad's talking about selling him to me since I'm the only person Rem will let ride him. Besides you, of course."

"How much?"

"A couple thousand plus free stud services."

"That's cheap for that boy."

"Yeah, it is. Dad paid almost ten grand for him. I have this thought that he and Cascade would make a great match. Can you imagine the cutting horse that would come out of that pairing?"

This time, Beth laughed long and loud.

"What did I say?" Nick asked with a puzzled frown.

"I was—not a minute ago—wondering how much I would have to pay your parents as a stud fee. Now it appears like I might have to ask _you_."

Nick glanced at the horses in question. "If it were up to him, I'd think Remington would do it for free."

Beth glanced around him to see the stallion cozying up to her mare and laughed again. "So it would seem. And she's not even in season."

"Like rider like horse?" Nick asked, briefly tucking his arms around her and kissing her cheek before picking up his rifle and their sack lunches.

He took Beth's hand and led her to a nice spot in the semi-shade beneath the aspens a few feet away from the lakeshore. Beth spread her blanket out, and they ate their lunch in silence. When they were finished, they gathered the remnants of their meal back into the paper sacks and set them aside to be stuffed into their saddlebags later. Nick leaned against the trunk of the aspen at the edge of their blanket and patted his leg, beckoning Beth to sit with him. Without hesitation, she scooted over, entirely comfortable when he pulled her into his lap and folded his arms around her. She let her head fall against his chest and closed her eyes.

_This right here_ , she thought. _I don't want it to ever end._

In this moment, everything was right, and nothing else mattered because they had each other and thousands of acres of wild mountain landscapes to bury their troubles in.

"I didn't say what I did earlier to cheer you up," she said, "but I hope it does because I mean it."

"I probably didn't show it, but it did... and does."

"If it had been someone else and Trey was in your position, do you think he would have gone to jail and kept the rape a secret to protect me or refrained from beating the crap out of the guy who's been harassing him for weeks?" She sat back to study his face. There was no doubt in her mind that the rape tortured him just as surely as it traumatized her. Pain and memories swam in his eyes at the mention of it. "Not a chance. He would've beat the crap out of the guy and yelled my secret as loud as he could to keep himself out of a cell. I'd be stupid and selfish in the extreme not to appreciate everything you've done for me."

She swiveled and straddled his waist, then leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to his lips—their first since her experiment almost two weeks ago. She wanted to kiss him more deeply, to give in to the glowing desire that had been building since that day, but now wasn't the time. He was too distracted by his thoughts, and she doubted he would let her get carried away while the memory of the rape was so close to the surface. Especially when he didn't seem to notice her rather flirty position. She waited until he looked at her again, then wiggled her brows and grinned as she said, "I'd also be a fool not to appreciate everything else about you."

"Like what?" he inquired distractedly.

"Well, for one, I never realized how sexy you are, and it shocked me like you wouldn't believe the moment I truly saw it." She sat back on her heels and made a show of appraising him, then whistled appreciatively. "I must've been completely blind to have missed it before."

He swore under his breath but grinned as his face reddened.

"There's my Nick," Beth murmured.

The flush of embarrassment faded, replaced by again by her favorite gentle smile. "It seems like more and more of your sense of humor returns every day now. I missed it so much."

"Mmm. Me, too." She sat quietly with him for a while, then turned to him again. "But I wasn't joking. Right before my eyes—even if I didn't notice until recently—you turned into a very sexy man, Nick. Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"No. Why?"

"Because you look _really_ uncomfortable right now."

"Beth, I have spent my entire life believing that you are only a friend, and while I'll admit I've understood on some level since about middle school that you are _very_ beautiful, I've never allowed myself to think about you like that, and it's going to be a hard habit to break."

"I can understand that... and yet, for me, it has so far been surprisingly easy to break."

"You really think so?"

"Mmm-hmm."

He twisted so fast that she couldn't react other than to squeal in surprise, and she found herself on her back on the blanket with the length of his body on top her hers. He cradled her head and shoulders in his hands and arms, bracing himself above her on his forearms, and without waiting for her permission, kissed her so passionately that the momentary jolt of surprise winked out as sensation burned through her. It was so different from kissing Trey, even though she was as entirely at Nick's mercy as she had been at Trey's. Perhaps the ease with which he overpowered her should terrify her, but it only reinforced her trust in him. There was no worry that he would take it too far and no wish he would stop, only an invigorating pulse of anticipation and desire for more. For several pounding beats of her heart, she thought he'd give in to the desire that he obviously felt, but disappointingly, he pulled away. He did, however, let his lips linger against hers as if he struggled to resist coming back for more. When she opened her eyes, she saw that his were still closed, and she couldn't gauge his expression other than to think that he was conflicted.

"If you were trying to prove me wrong," she said breathlessly, "you failed miserably."

He opened his eyes, and she realized that he hadn't been as lost in the moment as she'd thought—or hoped. "That didn't remind you at all of what Trey did?" he asked.

"There might have been a moment of fear or shock, but it was so brief that I'm not sure if I actually felt it or only expected to." She reached up to brush her fingertips across his cheek. "You make me free and whole again."

"I can't believe how far you've come," he murmured, trailing kisses from her cheek, along her jaw, and down her neck. She shivered as delightful tingles coursed over her skin. "I was afraid you still couldn't be or wouldn't want to be touched, and yet, when I kiss you or hold you, there's no hesitation."

"I _have_ come a long way," she agreed. "Because of you. I'm sure that if any other guy tried to touch me, it'd be an entirely different story, but from the very beginning of this whole ordeal, you've chased away the nightmares and propped me up when I felt like I couldn't stand on my own. When I'm in your arms, I'm safe. Looking at it like that, I'm not at all surprised I can—and really, really do—enjoy your touch. Is it really that awkward for you?"

"When I don't think about it and just let myself feel, it isn't awkward at all. It's... right."

"Then don't think," she said simply.

He sat back on his heels, gathered her into his arms so she was again straddling him, and held her close for several minutes. She cradled his head against her chest and pinched her eyes closed, wishing she could help him like he'd helped her.

"I feel like we've switched roles a little," she whispered. "You've been supporting me for weeks now, helping me pull myself back together... and now you're the one who's struggling not to fall apart. It's not fair."

He didn't respond, but the truth of her statement was reflected plainly in his eyes when he loosened his hold on her and in the twitching muscle in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. Beth had only once felt so helpless, and she didn't like feeling this way again, knowing that he didn't want her to do the one thing that would make all this go away. She couldn't erase what had happened from their memories and knew that neither of them would ever be the same again, but she could stop the ongoing torment Trey was putting them through, which would allow them to move forward. She was still terrified by the thought of facing her ex-boyfriend or reporting the rape, but she could do it for Nick, and in a moment of absolute clarity she understood why.

_I've always loved you,_ she thought as she tilted his face toward hers and kissed him gently. _But I'm pretty sure I'm now_ in love _with you, Nick Hammond._

# Fourteen

"Where do you want me to hang these?" Nick asked Beth, pulling a string of purple mini-lights out of her box of Halloween decorations.

"Um, how about around the window? I think I want to put the orange ones around the door."

He chuckled and reached for the box of pushpins sitting on her nightstand, glancing away at the last minute when the plug of the lights snagged on the box. When he stretched to tug it loose, he tapped the pushpins off the back of the nightstand.

"Crap."

He leaned over the top of the nightstand, but the pushpins had vanished, so he maneuvered the heavy piece of furniture out from the wall with a grunt. "Well, it's definitely of very sturdy construction," he remarked before he peered around it.

"Yeah. I can't move that thing by myself," Beth replied. "Or I would have scooted it over by my desk. Except for the top drawer, it's full of notebooks and pens and paper and school stuff."

"You should have said something. I would've moved it for you. Ah, here they are. Along with three pens, a sock, and... looks like a tape recorder. Is this the one you lost the night...?"

He didn't finish his statement and didn't need to; both he and Beth knew exactly what night the tape recorder had disappeared. She took the device from him and stared at it with a bemused smile and a shake of her head.

"Well, that figures."

"Didn't you end up buying a new one?"

"I had to. How else was I supposed to get that ad done?"

"You could have borrowed mine. You probably could have kept it, too, because I've never really used it."

"I didn't even think to ask you... but then, I wasn't exactly in a logical frame of mind."

She pulled open the middle drawer and set the tape recorder inside.

"Do you want me to move this thing for you?"

"Nah. I've gotten used to it where it is. C'mon." She draped a string of orange lights around his neck and stood on her toes to kiss him briefly. "Let's get back to work."

"If everyone on your floor is as gung-ho about decorating for Halloween as you are, you'll definitely be beating my floor in the hall contest again this year. I can't even think about decorating for it until a week before."

"Where's the fun in that? Besides, Halloween is only two and a half weeks away." She turned around again and regarded him with a tilt of her head and a grin. "Consider this fair warning that you'll have this level of enthusiasm to look forward to _every_ holiday."

"I'm not unfamiliar with your penchant for holiday decorations, Beth. And, for the record, I've always thought it was cute."

Nick smiled and climbed up on the heater to hang the purple lights around the window. He didn't say it, but the thought of helping her decorate for Thanksgiving and Christmas... and New Years, Valentine's Day, and St. Patrick's Day and any other holiday she wanted to celebrate was entirely appealing. Especially because decorating brought out an element of her he hadn't seen nearly enough of in the weeks since the rape—her vibrant and irresistible delight in the simple pleasures of life. He didn't dislike holiday festivities; he just hadn't ever gotten as involved as Beth. His smile widened as he recalled when they were in middle school and she had come over to help his mother decorate because Tracie's houseful of boys thought decorating for Christmas was for girls. Nick and his brothers had helped their father put up the lights outside—that was manly work, after all—but had otherwise shunned the rest. He never would have admitted it then, but he'd secretly watched his mother and Beth, envious of their laughter and obvious enjoyment and wishing he could join in. Beth had helped Tracie decorate for Christmas every year since, even after Nick and his brothers had gotten over their too-cool-for-this attitudes in high school.

"What are you grinning about?" Beth asked.

"I was just thinking about the year you started helping my mom put up the Christmas decorations."

"Oh, really. What made you think of that?"

"This," he replied, gesturing to the lights and the other decorations strewn about her room in varying states of being set out. "I'm old enough and humble enough now to admit that you and Mom were so much fun to watch. The way you both got so excited about it... it was fascinating, and I was a little jealous. Mom'd never say it, but I think you became even more her honorary daughter that day than you already were."

"Every woman needs a daughter to help with that kind of thing," Beth said. "Or so my mother tells me."

"I imagine that's true." He laughed. "My poor mother. Yet another victim of the Hammond curse."

"Ah, yes. How long has it been since a girl was born to the Hammond line?"

"Well, the last was my great-great-grandfather's sister, Gemma, so what is that, four generations now without a girl?"

"When I think about how you and your brothers refused to help your mother that year... it makes me kinda glad we Carlyles have always had a pretty even mix of girls and boys." She put her hand on her hip and studied him. "I have to say, though, it takes a strong woman to give her boys such an amazing respect for women."

"My mother is incredible," Nick agreed. "But the jury's still out on how well she taught us boys to behave."

"The jury may still be out on your brothers, but from where I'm standing, your mother did a very good job with you. I wish Trey's had done the same."

"So do I, Beth. Can we not talk about him right now, though? We're having fun."

"You're right. Let's not ruin it."

He jumped down from the heater, careful not to land on the string of lights Beth had draped around his neck. With pushpins in hand, he strode over to her open door and plugged the lights in to make sure they all worked, looped them around himself a few more times, then turned to her and asked, "What do you think?"

"Adorable," she replied with a giggle.

She joined him at the door and reached to unwrap the lights, but he captured her hand and threaded their fingers together, then rested his free hand on her waist.

"We need to go dancing again," she murmured. "There's a potluck coming up at the Bedspread Inn in a couple weeks, right? Marge and Roger usually play music so people can dance."

"Mmm-hmm." He lowered his head to kiss the curve between her neck and shoulder.

"Knock, knock!"

Nick closed his eyes briefly, mildly irritated by the interruption, then let go of Beth and turned to smile at his ex-girlfriend. Michelle grinned at him, and he returned it.

"Looks like you two are having fun," she remarked. "Uh, you're a little tied up there, Nick."

"So it would seem."

"How are you, Michelle?" Beth asked politely.

She looked a little miffed about the interruption as well, he noted, but she also appeared to be genuinely happy to see Michelle. That was something of a relief because he hadn't been entirely sure she would be as comfortable with him remaining friends with Michelle as she'd said. Then again... since they'd made the shift in their relationship official, she had seemed secure in the knowledge that he was entirely hers.

"I'm good. I have a favor to ask, however. Nick, you know Sam Delanney asked me out last week, right?"

He nodded.

"If it wouldn't be too awkward, would you and Beth join us for a double date tonight? I know it's short notice, but I was hoping you two would vet him for me... like you used to do for each other."

"Sure," Beth replied. "That sounds like fun."

"Where and when?" Nick inquired, raising his brows at Beth's quick affirmative.

"We were planning on the Lion's Den at six."

"Would it be all right if we change the location? Beth and I are trying to keep our relationship quiet, and I don't think it'd be a good idea to go out on a date in town where Trey or any of his friends might see us."

"Okay, but even before you were officially dating, you were very close, so I don't think anyone would think it strange."

"I'd rather play it safe, if that's all right. How about the Lakeview Lodge? I took you there once this summer."

"Oh, I didn't even think about that place! That'd be even better. I'll tell Sam."

"All right. We'll meet you there at six."

Watching Michelle stride away down the hall, Nick was amazed that he no longer felt regret for the termination of their relationship and even less pull toward her—further proof that perhaps he and Beth had always been meant to be together. It hadn't been too long ago that he'd seriously thought Michelle would permanently claim the place in his life that was now firmly Beth's.

He folded his arms around his girlfriend and kissed the top of her head. "Are you sure you're all right going on a double date with Sam and Michelle? It won't be awkward for you?"

"Surprisingly, no. I really do like her, Nick, and if all this hadn't happened, I would have been happy to see the two of you stay together, but I trust what we have. At first, I was worried it was just a combination of your sense of duty to protect me and my gratitude for that, but this feels too right to be anything so flimsy or short-lived."

Tenderly, he lowered his mouth to hers, amazed again that she kissed him back so readily and so boldly. He hoped he'd never take the trust she placed in him for granted.

"I should probably call and make a reservation," he murmured. "And then we should probably clean up here and get ready to go. It's already five, and it'll take twenty minutes to get to the Lakeview Lodge."

He picked up Beth's phonebook, located the phone number for the restaurant, and dialed it.

"Lakeview Lodge, this is Crystal. How can I help you?"

"Good evening. I need to make reservations for four for six o'clock," Nick replied, lifting his arms so Beth could unwrap the orange mini-lights from around him. "Preferably by the windows, if that's possible."

"It certainly is. What name should I put your reservation under?"

"Hammond."

"All right. I have you down for a window table at six o'clock, Mr. Hammond. We'll see you soon."

"Thank you."

Nick ended the call and helped Beth stow the decorations remaining to be put up with a promise he'd help her finish later. He tried not to think about all the classwork he still had left to finish that he hadn't been able to work on over the weekend. Monday morning he'd gotten new copies of assignments from his professors, who had thankfully been understanding when he'd explained why he needed them, and he had managed to make a pretty good dent in the pile this week. He should have kept going because it was all due by tomorrow afternoon, but when Beth had asked him to help decorate her room, he'd gleefully grabbed at the chance to give his brain a break. And now, they were going out to dinner when he should be getting back to work because he couldn't push away the fear that doing all that work would turn out to be a waste of time.

"Why are you frowning?" Beth asked.

He shook his head, not wanting to bother her with his frustrations. Besides, it wasn't anything they hadn't already discussed, and talking about it was useless because they couldn't do anything at the moment but wait to see how everything would play out.

"Talk to me, Nick."

"There's not much to talk about. Just the same old worries."

"Do you not want to go out with Sam and Michelle?"

"No, the problem is that I _do_ want to... but I shouldn't. I still have a lot of catching up to do."

"And you're thinking there's no point because you won't be allowed to graduate."

He nodded.

"In that case, maybe you need the break more than you need to get back to work."

"That's why I didn't decline dinner with Sam and Michelle. And speaking of that, we really do need to get moving. I'm going to run up to my room and change into something a little nicer, and then I'll be back down to get you."

He gave her a quick kiss and pulled her door closed behind him. Habitually, he glanced both ways down the hall and caught sight of someone—a male someone dressed in faded blue jeans, a tan Carhartt coat and nearly worn-out lace-up cowboy boots—jogging up the stairs toward the south door. Frowning, Nick trotted down the hall and up the stairs, hoping to make it to the door in time to see who it was. No such luck. Whoever it was had disappeared around the corner of the sand-colored brick building that housed the pool and wood shops. He shrugged it off. Beth's floor connected to the cafeteria, and it wasn't uncommon for students who didn't reside in it to use it during mealtimes.

He turned away from the door and hurried upstairs to his room. After changing into a pair of newer jeans and a dark gray sweater, he folded his coat over his arm and returned to Beth's room to find her dressed in a fitted cable-knit sweater that was the exact shade of dusty blue as her eyes, crisp, dark blue jeans, and knee-high boots. She'd pulled some of her hair back from her face and tied it up in a half-pony that put further emphasis on her eyes, which still gave the impression of innocence. Trey had not taken it completely from her, and Nick considered that to be a blessing.

"You look incredible," he murmured, taking her coat off the hook behind the door and helping her into it.

"It's just a sweater and jeans."

"Maybe, but they look great on you." Still standing behind her, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pressed his cheek to hers. "And it reminds me of cold winter nights, blazing fires in the fireplace, and keeping close to stay warm."

"That sounds downright beautiful," she whispered.

"Mmm-hmm. Ready?"

"Yep."

They climbed the stairs to the outer door, and Nick poked his head outside and decided to put his coat on now instead of later, then held the door open for Beth. Their breath fogged in the crisp October air, and brittle leaves skittered across the sidewalk in front of them on a biting wind as they strolled out to his truck with their hands knitted tightly together for warmth.

"It's definitely colder than it was last weekend on our ride," Beth remarked.

"I'm ready for it."

"Me, too." She wrapped her free hand around his upper arm and briefly touched her head to his shoulder. "Especially after all those wonderful wintertime things you listed off not so long ago. One thing I've really missed living in the dorms is that wonderful warmth you can only get from a fire."

"Me, too."

The Lakeview Lodge was located twenty miles south of Devyn on the interstate on a hill overlooking Armstead Canyon Reservoir. Nick and Beth spent the drive chatting about old times, their siblings, ranch life, and a myriad of other topics, and Nick realized he was as comfortable with Beth as she was with him. There was no pretense and none of the need to impress that had tinged his relationships with other women. He hadn't noticed it until he'd started dating Beth, but even with Michelle, there had been a glimmer of distance, a feeling that they weren't always on the same page.

_She moves, you move_ , Michelle had said of his friendship with Beth.

That pretty well summed it up, Nick thought. Just like when they danced, they moved together in their relationship, perfectly as one.

Sam and Michelle beat them to the lodge. They leaned against the hood of her car, oblivious of anything but each other, and after Nick shut his truck down, he watched them for a moment. There was a coyness in Michelle's smile that he hadn't seen since their first dates together, but a boldness in her gestures that told him she was very interested in taking her relationship with Sam from new infatuation to familiar intimacy. She kissed Sam, and Nick flinched, waiting for a spark of envy or regret. What he felt was neither. It was joy twined with relief that seeped through him.

"Is it weird to see her kissing someone else?" Beth inquired with curiosity in her voice.

"No," he replied, surprised that he meant it. "I'm happy for her."

"That's great. Let's go see if this guy will keep making her happy. He's got a lot of work cut out for him, though, because her last boyfriend set the bar pretty high."

Nick leaned across the cab and kissed her soundly. "I'm not so sure about that, but thank you."

Both Michelle and Sam seemed a bit embarrassed that they had company. Michelle quickly made the introductions.

"Sam, this is my ex, Nick Hammond, and his girlfriend and longtime best friend, Beth Carlyle. Guys, this is Sam Delanney."

"Pleasure to meet you," Nick said, extending his hand in greeting. "But I think we had a class together once upon a time."

"Right you are. An English class, wasn't it? Intermediate Composition."

"That'd be the one."

Beth shook Sam's hand, but Nick noticed that she stayed safely at his side with her left hand tucked securely around his elbow. Despite how far she had come, she was still wary, and he wondered if she realized it. There had been a time when she wouldn't have hesitated to greet Sam, but now.... Nick took a deep breath, willing himself to push such thoughts aside. This was going to be an enjoyable evening, and he would _not_ ruin it.

They couldn't have asked for a more beautiful night, a thought that was reaffirmed when the hostess showed them to their table beside one of the big windows looking out over the lake. The sun bathed the rolling hills around Armstead Canyon Lake with rich golden light and dark, contrasting shadows, and the rugged mountains to the south and west were capped in gleaming snow. The bitter wind that tossed the waters of the lake into sparkling whitecaps was soon forgotten in the blissful heat radiating from the massive stone fireplace that dominated the wall just a few feet from their table.

"Michelle tells me you both grew up on ranches near here," Sam remarked after the waitress had taken their orders.

"Up in the Northstar Valley," Beth replied. "Nick's family's spread is the Lazy H Ranch, and my family's is the C-Diamond Ranch. We have about seven thousand acres, and they have just over eight thousand."

"Wow. How's the grazing in Northstar? As good as it is around Devyn?"

"Better," Nick replied. "We get more snow, and the soil is richer."

"I have to admit, I'm a little envious."

"Sam's family has a ranch out in Eastern Washington near the Gorge," Michelle explained.

"I don't know that I'd call our six hundred acres a ranch," Sam said. "It's pretty arid, and we can only run about eighty head, but we've got a pretty spot, and Dad wants to look into turning the place into a dude ranch. He doesn't know anything about the tourist end of it."

"The Robinsons did that a while back, and it's been a smart move for them. Their ranch—the Royal R—is about twice the size of your spread, but where they are, they get so much snow that they sometimes have to feed seven or eight months out of the year, so they started looking into other ways to make money and came up with the idea to turn the place into a working dude ranch. If you're interested, I could put you in touch with them."

"I'd really appreciate that," Sam replied. "Thanks, Nick. So, Michelle tells me you're an animal sciences major with a minor in business management. Seems like a smart choice for a rancher."

"Smart, yes," Beth remarked. "But that's not why he chose that path. He's got a way with animals like you wouldn't believe."

"And, Beth, you're a business management major with a marketing minor, right?"

"Yep. How about you, Sam? What brought you to the university?"

"The agri-business degree. I think, though, if my folks weren't so set on trying to make a go with our land, I would have preferred to go into education like Michelle. I don't have the patience for counseling like she does, but I think I would have liked to teach agriculture or science or even history."

After that, the conversation shifted to college life, and Beth launched into her well-rehearsed inquisition, and Nick caught a gleam of amusement in Michelle's eyes. Chuckling, he sipped his Coke and sat back to observe. If Sam was conscious of what Beth was doing, he didn't appear to be bothered by it, and his laid-back nature assured Nick he was a good match for Michelle. He liked the way Sam's attention remained focused on his girlfriend and how he found ways to compliment her even as Beth centered the conversation on him. Nick was relieved to note the easy and natural connection between her and Sam.

Just before their meal arrived, Sam excused himself to use the restroom, and Michelle immediately leaned forward and asked, "Well, what do you think?"

"You found another good one," Beth replied. "He reminds me a lot of Nick, so naturally, I approve."

Michelle laughed softly. "Thanks. Nick, what about you? What do you think?"

"I like him. And it looks like he makes you happy, which is what really matters, so he has my approval, too."

Dinner was delicious, and the company and conversation were marvelous. By the time they were ready for dessert, Nick was thoroughly glad he and Beth had agreed to the double date. The anxiety that had claimed him earlier when he'd agreed to it rather than decline in favor of getting caught up on his schoolwork had vanished, leaving him delightfully relaxed like he hadn't been since his run-in with Trey and his three buddies Friday.

His bliss was short-lived.

"What the hell is _he_ doing here?" Michelle asked in a low, urgent voice.

Nick didn't have to look to know who _he_ was, but he glanced over his shoulder toward the door. Trey stood at the hostess's station, and though he wasn't looking in their direction, Nick knew without a doubt that Beth's ex-boyfriend was well aware they were here. Glancing over Trey's attire—jeans, a Carhart, and worn lace-up boots, he realized that the man he'd seen darting up the stairs from Beth's hall earlier wasn't some random student on his way back to his dorm after dinner in the cafeteria. Which meant it wasn't a coincidence that Trey was here.

Could he not have even one pleasant evening?

"Son of a bitch," he muttered. "I'm sorry to eat and run, but we need to leave."

"What's the rush?" Sam asked.

"I'm not supposed to be within fifty feet of the guy talking to the hostess."

"Why not?"

"It's a condition of my disciplinary probation," Nick said. "I'm sure Michelle told you I was arrested for supposedly assaulting another student."

"She did, but I thought it was self-defense."

"It's complicated," Nick said. "It truly was a pleasure, Sam, and thank you for inviting us."

"Any time, Nick. I hope you and Beth will come out with us again soon."

"You bet. Sorry for the crappy end to the evening."

"Not your fault, Nick," Michelle said firmly. "We'll see you soon."

"Do me a favor, would you? If he follows us out of here, send the manager out."

"Sure, Nick."

He waited until Trey was following the hostess to a table across the dining room before taking Beth's hand and tracking down their waitress. He pressed sixty dollars into her hand—more than enough to cover their meal and the tip—and assured her that the food and service were great. He and Beth hastily left the restaurant, and as soon as they were outside, he swore.

"How did he know we were here?" Beth asked.

"I think... I think it was him I saw running up the stairs when I left your room to change."

"Oh my God! I am so sick of his crap!"

"You and me both, sweetheart."

They were nearly to his truck when Trey called out to them.

_Ignore him_ , Nick told himself. _Just get in your truck and go._

Trey had other ideas and sprinted across the gravel parking lot, beating them to Nick's truck. Nick bristled and hoped Michelle had done as he'd asked and prayed he'd be able to hold off his anger long enough for the manager of the restaurant to interrupt.

"You're stalking us now?" Beth snarled, but her voice trembled. "That's low, Trey. Even for you."

"So, it's 'us' now? I guess the rumors _are_ true."

"That's none of your business," Nick said tiredly.

"Oh, yes, I think it is, and I think my lawyer will be quite interested to hear about it. Sort of proves I was right, doesn't it, that you were sniffing after this little slut," Trey spat at them. "You can have her. I don't know what she might have picked up."

Beth picked up a rock and hurled it at him, striking him just above his elbow.

"You little bitch!" Trey bellowed.

Nick stepped between them, but not before Trey grabbed hold of Beth's arm. Nick's fury ignited, and he shoved Trey back. Trey grinned, and Nick understood somewhere deep in his mind that a fight was exactly what his old friend wanted. He wanted to give it to him, but his instinct to protect Beth overrode that urge.

"Keep your filthy fucking hands off her," he snarled, planting himself firmly between Trey and Beth.

"No."

When Trey again reached for Beth, Nick slapped his hand away, leaving himself wide open to an attack. Trey did not hesitate to take advantage of it, hitting him square in the chest. Nick reacted with a speed too quick for Trey to counter and landed a punch to Trey's face and another to his ribs. Trey stumbled backwards with the second punch and stared at Nick as if he hadn't expected him to take the bait so quickly. Nick took a step forward. Trey took another and another back until he backed up against Nick's truck. Suddenly, he grinned again, and Nick heard the crunching of several pairs of feet running across the gravel toward them. He didn't dare turn to see who, not willing to give Trey even a moment to take advantage of his distraction.

"Thank God you're here," Trey said, addressing someone behind Nick. "You got here just in time. I don't know what he would have done if—"

"Save it," a woman said. "I saw everything from the moment you started running toward this young man's truck to cut them off. I suggest you get in your vehicle and get out of here. Now."

Trey flashed a glare at Nick, then strode across the parking lot to his truck. He stood inside the door, leaning on the door with his forearm braced on the roof. "This isn't over, Hammond!" he called. "Not by a long shot!"

Then he slammed the door, gunned the engine, and tore out of the parking lot, spraying gravel as he went. Nick tucked his arm around Beth and held her close to his side, infuriated anew to feel her trembling.

"I'm sorry about that, Mr. Hammond."

He finally turned around. The woman who addressed him was clad smartly in dress slacks and a silk blouse, and her brushed nickel name badge proclaimed her as the restaurant's manager. Sam and Michelle stood just behind her with their hands pressed tightly together, and both their expressions were concerned and sympathetic.

"It's not your fault," Nick absently assured the restaurant's manager. "I'm sorry we brought our fight here. I hope we didn't ruin anyone's meal."

"I'm sure not. If everyone is all right...."

Nick nodded. "Thank you."

The manager, clearly upset and without a clue what she should do about the situation, offered a relieved smile and headed quickly back into the log structure.

"Is there anything else we can do?" Michelle asked.

"No. Go back in and enjoy your dessert."

"Why don't you join us?" Sam offered.

"Thanks, but I really just want to head home."

He had no patience to spare, and thankfully, Michelle and Sam took his not-so-subtle hint and bid him and Beth goodnight. Nick unlocked the passenger door and held it open while Beth climbed inside. He leaned in and hugged her tightly until she assured him she'd be all right after she had a few minutes to calm down. By the time he walked around to the driver's side and slid in behind the wheel, the flood of adrenaline dried up, and the consequences of what he'd just done hit him like a tidal wave.

There was no way a jury wouldn't convict him of the assault after that. That punch would see him kicked out of the dorms for sure, which meant he would no longer be on campus to make sure Beth was safe. The punch also negated any argument Hal could make about his easygoing, non-violent nature, and with a conviction, there went his degree and three years of hard work. There went five hundred dollars and six months of his life because he was certain the judge would take into consideration this fight and Friday's when he decided Nick's sentencing. If Nick were in that position and looking at that track record, he'd go for the maximum punishment.

He hunched over the steering wheel and wrapped his arms around his head as if he could keep himself from falling apart. Or exploding. Right then, he wasn't sure which would happen. Tears burned his eyes, and knowing he couldn't stop them, he let them fall. The unfairness that he and Beth were being punished for what Trey had done and continued to do pounded through him, and it was all he could do to keep the bellow of anger and frustration locked inside.

Beth scooted across the seat and wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head down to her shoulder. She whispered soothing entreaties and gave him time to let his emotions run their course. Slowly, he began to notice things outside his own tormented mind, and when he realized Beth was still shivering, he pulled her into his arms and held her close. It astounded him that she was able to offer him comfort when their confrontation with Trey had undoubtedly brought back terrible memories.

"This is so wrong," she said quietly. "I have seen you cry too many times in these last few weeks, and I don't think I've _ever_ heard you say the F-word."

There was an odd note in her voice, and when he looked at her face, he saw that she was furious.

"Trey should be the one fighting back fear and anxiety," she continued. "Not my steadfast, gentle Nick. I can't watch him do this to you anymore."

Fear of an entirely different kind seized him because he didn't doubt that, if given the opportunity, she would march down to the police station right now and report the rape. Suddenly, at the thought of her enduring the endless questions and judgment and false claims about her sexuality, his worries about college and jail vanished. The alternative was far worse, and it terrified him.

"No, Beth. It's not worth what they'll put you through."

"Yes, it is. _You_ are."

"Beth... please. It'll only make it worse. I can't sit back and watch what he did tear you apart again."

She watched him for a long time, searching his face until at last the anger drained out of her and she sighed. Relief shuddered through him, and he finally found the peace of mind—however temporary and however feeble—to put his key in the ignition and start his truck. He refused to think about what tomorrow would bring but wondered if he should even bother trying to finish the assignments that were due. The time would probably be better spent packing up his dorm.

Nick didn't say anything on the ride back to campus, and the hollow, vacant shadow in his eyes scared Beth even more than the rage that had claimed him not so long ago; she was all too familiar with that paralyzing emptiness and hopelessness, so she didn't press the matter of doing something to stop Trey's harassment because it would only distress Nick more. That didn't mean she planned to let it go, however. It was all too clear now that she _had_ to do something.

While Nick drove, Beth considered her options. No one seemed to believe she could convince Trey to take back the allegation, and on some level, she knew she could beg him until she lost her voice and he'd just laugh, so she didn't intend to try anything so polite. Anyhow, the decision of whether or not to drop the charges rested with the county attorney. No, she was all too aware now of how deep Trey's selfishness ran, and she needed to make him see that pursuing his allegations against Nick and continuing his despicable and childish antics were not in his best interests. She understood that threatening to report the rape would not be enough, but if there was any chance at all that she could prevent the very public battle reporting it would undoubtedly become, she had to try.

She pushed the matter from her mind for the time being when Nick parked on Cornell Street near the front door of Mathews Hall. They walked around to the door closest to his room in silence until Beth looked up and caught sight of the scattering of stars glittering in the purple twilight. She tugged on his hand to stop him, then took his other hand and pressed her body against his before settling his hands on her hips and sliding her hands up his chest. He sighed, and a little life returned to his gaze.

"I guess the secret's fully out now," he murmured. "No use trying to keep it anymore."

"Nope," she replied and drew herself up to kiss him.

It amazed her still how natural it was to lock lips with him when only a couple months ago she had never wondered what it would feel like. There was the familiarity of their long friendship but also a newness that left her breathless. She'd always considered a woman's ability to distract a man to be a mostly useless trick, but right now, with Nick's attention focused entirely on her, she realized that it could be a very powerful and helpful tool.

"Whatever happens, Beth," he whispered, touching his forehead to hers, "I want you to know that I love you. I probably have for a lot longer than I realized."

She hugged him tightly but didn't say it back even though she felt it with every beat of her heart. She didn't deserve his love yet, not while she continued to let him shoulder the consequences of this god-awful mess, none of which were his to bear. After she turned the tables on Trey and set things right... then she could say it, and she would.

They headed inside and upstairs to his room, and he immediately called Hal about the fight. The conversation was quick, and Beth figured Hal would immediately call the manager of the Lakeview Lodge to verify the story and gather any evidence he could to protect Nick from the consequences. After he hung up the phone, Nick braced his forearms against the wall and rested his forehead against them with his eyes closed. Even from where Beth sat on the couch, she could see him quivering with the kind of weariness that a good night's sleep couldn't erase.

The mood to finish decorating her room for Halloween had been thoroughly destroyed, though Beth got up and picked a Halloween movie in an attempt to revive the holiday spirit. Then she sat on one end of Nick's couch and patted her leg, inviting him to stretch out beside her. He obeyed, resting his head on her thigh with one arm draped across her lap and his hand on her waist. She combed her fingers through his soft, dark blonde hair and ignored the movie—one of her favorites—in favor of focusing her attention on Nick. She liked the way he'd wrapped himself around her and how he let her soothe him. It made her feel like he needed her as much as she needed him and like she had some control over this situation, even if all she could really do at the moment was chase away his dark thoughts.

"I can't stop him," Nick said quietly after a while. "No matter what I do. I've tried to take the high road, to ignore him as best I can, and he won't let me. Now I'm totally screwed. There's no way I won't get kicked out of school and convicted now, not after tonight. And that's not the worst of it. The worst of it is that I feel like I'm failing you."

"Jesus Christ, Nick, you are _not_ failing me. Why on earth would you think that?"

"I can't make this go away any more than I could stop it from happening."

"You've done everything for me. If it weren't for you...."

She didn't finish the thought because she knew what would have happened to her if Nick hadn't been there to pick her up and put her back together. She'd have quit school, retreated to her family's ranch, and spent who knew how long avoiding Devyn for fear that she might run into Trey. If Nick hadn't reminded her with his tender hugs and caresses that other men wouldn't hurt her like Trey had, she would have flinched every time a man—even a friend—tried to touch her or moved too quickly. Instead, she reveled in the warmth of Nick's hand on her waist, the weight of his head on her thigh, and the simple and surprisingly soothing pleasure of touching him in return. And rather than resigning herself to a lonely future, she had hope she would still be able to embrace her future husband without reservation or fear. She even had hope that she _would_ have a husband someday... and a prayer that it would be Nick. She couldn't imagine ever loving anyone the way she loved him or trusting anyone else so completely.

All her thoughts led her to one conclusion. He had been protecting her since the beginning of this ordeal, but now he needed someone to protect him. It was time she dealt with Trey, like she should have done weeks ago. And she had to do it alone because she knew Nick would try to stop her.

"If anyone other than Trey is to blame, it would be me," Beth remarked. "But definitely not you. You warned me that he was changing for the worse, and if I had listened to you, none of this would have happened."

"Beth, it's not—"

"I know it's not my fault, Nick, and I even believe that now. I said it because I want you to stop thinking you are responsible."

"But—"

"Shh. No more of this talk tonight." She curled down to kiss him, then brushed her fingertips over his cheek before rubbing her hand over his shoulder and arm. "Just rest, all right?"

He didn't answer but inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. She resumed combing her fingers through his hair with one hand and let the other glide and play across every part of him she could reach in what she hoped was a soothing, light massage. The movie played on, but she didn't pay it or anything else much attention, too consumed by the man stretched out beside her. His eyes drifted closed as she stroked her hand over him, and she was enchanted by the firm muscle and warmth beneath her palm.

When his breathing slowed and deepened, she glanced at the clock. It wasn't quite eight, but she knew he was exhausted and wasn't surprised he'd dozed off. Gently, she kissed his brow and continued her ministrations, aware that she did so to reassure herself and firm her resolve. She watched him sleep for nearly half an hour as much because he fascinated her as to make sure he was soundly asleep before she carefully slid out from under him. Ducking into his bedroom, she grabbed his pillow and lifted his head onto it. He didn't stir, so she wrote a quick note that to tell him she had gone to bed downstairs in her room so he wouldn't worry if he woke before she returned.

With one last glance at him over her shoulder as she stepped out of his living room to give her the courage to do what needed to be done, she quietly closed his door behind her and headed out of Mathews Hall toward JDC. Each step closer to Trey's room brought more and more doubt, but she held on tightly to the words Nick had uttered less than an hour ago—the words she hadn't been able to reiterate.

_Whatever happens, Beth, I want you to know that I love you_.

That thought carried her all the way into JDC, up the stairs to the second floor, and left into Jordan Hall. Her heart thumped erratically the closer she came to Trey's door, but she made herself keep going. She could not and would not back down. There was no other choice left to her; Trey had made that painfully clear.

Part of her prayed he wouldn't be home, but she chided herself for the cowardly thought. She needed him to be home.

Her hand trembled when she lifted it to knock on his door, and her heart skittered sickeningly in her chest—not at all like the marvelous way it fluttered around Nick, and she wished she could flee back to his room and wrap his arms around her and never leave their safety. She forced the impulse from her mind and took several deep breaths as the seconds ticked by, each more slowly than the last. She knocked again as irritation warred with relief.

When the door opened, she jumped back in shock. Trey's scowl shifted into an amused, lopsided grin as he looked her up and down, and she shivered in disgust.

"Well, well, well. Look who it is. The little campus—"

"Why don't you try something more original than calling me a slut or a whore, Trey? Better yet, don't bother because it doesn't matter what you think of me. I know what and who I am, and nothing you can say will change me."

Trey's brows lifted momentarily in surprise, then dipped in another scowl. "What do you want, Beth?"

"I want you to quit this childish crap you've been pulling—leaving notes and handcuffs on our doors, cornering Nick and trying to get him to fight you, calling me a slut. All of that garbage. Stop it."

He sneered. "No."

"I also want you to rescind your accusation against Nick. We both know it wasn't assault."

"Never."

"I was afraid you would say that. Fine. You raped me, Trey, and I haven't reported it because I just wanted to forget it."

"I didn't rape you."

"Yes, you did."

"You wanted it." He took a step toward her, and she backed away. When he tried to grab her hand, she jerked it away and slapped him.

"Don't... _ever_... touch me again."

She sidled away until her back was against the wall on the opposite side of the hall from his door, shaking as fear battled anger and memories of his other, far less innocuous touches coursed through her mind. Adrenaline poured through her veins, preparing her for flight if he tried to touch her again, and she rocked forward onto her toes, ready to spring away. In the shadows of her mind, a thought burst forth like a brilliant white light. The contrast of how absolutely she did _not_ trust Trey to how truly she _did_ trust Nick gave her the strength she needed to press on.

"You _did_ rape me, whether you understand that in your conceited, narcissistic brain or not, and if you don't leave us both the hell alone, I _will_ go to the police and report it like I should have right away."

Trey laughed. "Yeah, right. You've got nothing, babe. No proof because I didn't rape you."

"Actually, I do. Nick had the forethought to take me to the hospital for a rape exam that night, so there's plenty of evidence on file just waiting for me to do something with it. Will I need to?"

"All that's going to prove is that Darryl was right that you like it rough."

"Darryl is liar."

"Spoken like a true slut who can't admit what she is. Come on, Beth, liking sex is nothing to be ashamed of if you'd just be honest about it."

"Spoken like a true rapist," Beth retorted. Shock splashed across Trey's face, and she smirked. "Do you want your name to be smeared all over town, to be called a rapist? Because that's what you are, and I will make sure everyone knows it."

"It wasn't rape," he said, sounding much less sure of himself.

Hope pulsed through her. "Will you leave us alone?"

"No. Why should I? He broke my goddamned nose."

"Actually, I did that." Beth straightened and pushed off the wall. She had attempted and failed to convince him, so there was only one more thing to say. "So be it. See you in court."

She strode down the hall with her back straight and proud, wishing he would call after her because he'd changed his mind but knowing that he wouldn't. Adrenaline throbbed through her all the way back to Mathews Hall and downstairs to her dorm room. She managed to change into her pajamas before it ebbed, then collapsed onto her bed and sobbed. The certainty that she would now have to report the rape terrified her, but she had been able to confront Trey and articulate clearly and rationally what she needed to.

She wiped beneath her eyes and forced her breathing into a calmer rhythm. She had planned to sleep in her own room tonight, but she didn't trust Trey not to retaliate, and if he did, she didn't want to be here alone, and after the incident at the Lakeview Lodge, she didn't want Nick to be alone, either.

He was still exactly how she'd left him, so she balled up her note and tossed it in the trashcan, then gently roused him with a kiss and told him to go change into his pajamas.

"I didn't think you were staying with me tonight," he mumbled.

"I changed my mind."

_Tomorrow,_ she thought when they were snuggled together in his bed and he was asleep again. _Tomorrow I tell my family what really happened, and tomorrow, I report the rape._

# Fifteen

Beth lay awake most of the night while Nick slept beside her, spending much of her time watching him and analyzing the serenity that came with finally doing something to put an end to their torment. She might have failed to convince Trey to leave them alone, but confronting him—once she had settled completely down—felt good, like she had regained a little more control... or a lot more. That didn't mean she wasn't still nervous about talking to her family or the police, but she knew now that she could do it.

When Nick's alarm went off at six-thirty, she was already wide awake. Nick reached across her to turn it off, then flopped on his back with his hands covering his face. She rolled over to him, rested her hand on his chest and kissed his neck. He turned his head toward her, and the hopelessness in his eyes told her clearly that sleep had done nothing to ease the memory of last night.

"I'd say good morning, but it's obviously not a good one," she murmured. "And here I was, hoping that waking up beside me might make it better."

He offered her a smile, but it barely reached his eyes. "It does."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying. I miss you when you're not with me," he replied. "It's just.... I feel like everything is falling apart, and even though I know I'll still have the ranch and my life will go on, this part of my life is over, and the only thing I'll have to show for it is a police record that I don't deserve."

The bitterness that edged into his voice made her wince, so she draped herself over him, folded her hands on his chest, and rested her chin on them to force herself to meet his gaze and stare at the reason why she needed to hold on to the glimmer of courage she'd found last night. "It's not over yet."

"After last night, there's no way I won't be convicted."

"You don't know that."

He turned his head away, and she took him by the chin to make him look at her.

"Don't you dare give up, Nick. There's no guarantee yet you'll be convicted, so I want you to keep acting like you won't be."

He opened his mouth to object, and she pressed her fingers to his lips to silence him.

"Here's what's going to happen today. I'm going to hop in the shower, head to my classes, meet with Dr. Keller about my independent study, and talk to Hal and tell him _exactly_ what happened last night before Trey has a chance to make any more false accusations against you. Then I'm going to go home to Northstar... by myself because you're going to stay here until you've finished your assignments, turned them in, and picked up next week's work. And before you ask, I'll tell you why."

She paused, daring him to object again, but he waited for her to continue, watching her expectantly.

"You're going to do it because, even if you _are_ convicted, you'll be able to look back on this nightmare and know that, even though you weren't allowed to finish school, you never gave up." She stretched up to kiss his lips. "You wouldn't let me give up when I really wanted to, so I'm not going to let you give up now. I owe you that much, at the _very_ least."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Fine. Then, it's my duty to you as your best friend and now your girlfriend."

At last, she got a genuine smile out of him as he hugged her.

"Yes, ma'am," was all he said.

"Good. Now, get your lazy butt out of bed and get to work."

Beth showered and dressed in his bathroom, and by the time she was finished, he'd ensconced himself at his desk. She kissed him goodbye and headed out the door. She didn't turn toward her classes, however, and instead made a beeline for Dean Harris's office. Surprisingly, he had already heard about last night's incident... but not from Trey.

"The manager of the Lakeview Lodge called me last night and left a message to complain about Trey's behavior," Rob informed her. "Said it was very clearly Trey who started the fight. I just came into the office, so I haven't had a chance yet to call her back. Does Hal know yet?"

"Nick called him last night."

"Good."

"You haven't heard from Trey?"

"No. Which surprises me."

"Huh. Well, if there's nothing else I can do here... I need to get home and have a talk with my folks."

"Don't you have classes today?"

"Yes, but there's something I need to do that's a lot more important in the long run."

As she walked out to her car, she pondered her next step. She still had no idea how she was going to explain everything to her parents, grandparents, and brother, but she decided it wouldn't be wise to report the rape first and then tell them; she didn't want to chance them hearing the story from anyone but her. Besides, she didn't want to walk into the police station alone. She dearly wanted Nick with her, but she couldn't ask him because she'd already brought too much on him by not doing this sooner and because she didn't know if she could stand up to him if he tried to talk her out of it again.

By the time she parked in front of the main ranch house, where she knew her mother would be helping her grandmother can fruits and vegetables from the garden, she had decided to take the most direct approach and just tell it all as quickly as she could.

_Just get it out_ , she reminded herself as she walked in through the main front door of the massive house. Across the expansive great room, Livia and Natalie Carlyle glanced over the island that separated the kitchen from the living area to see who had arrived. Surprise claimed both their expressions.

"What are you doing home so early, honey?" her mother asked.

"I need to talk to you and dad. About Trey."

Frowning, her mother quickly washed her hands and dried them on the hand towel she'd tossed over her shoulder and joined Beth in the living room. Concern shadowed her honey-brown eyes, and a lump lodged itself in Beth's throat.

"What's going on with Trey? What is he doing now?"

"It's not about what he's doing now.... It's about what he did the night we broke up." Beth took a deep breath to slow her racing pulse and wondered if she should wait until her father was here to hear it. He was usually the more levelheaded of her parents, but she didn't know if that would hold long enough for her to finish her story.

He solved the dilemma for her when he strolled through the door with her grandfather right behind him.

"Beth, honey, what are you doing home so early?" her father asked.

"Just sit down, Dad, Grandpa," she replied tiredly. "And please, all of you try to let me finish the whole thing before you fly off the handle, okay? Otherwise I might not be able to get it all out."

"You're scaring us, Beth," her grandmother said, joining them on the large, L-shaped couch.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to. You remember Labor Day weekend? When I tried to tell you why Trey and I broke up?"

"Sure, honey," Natalie said. "You said Darryl told Trey a bunch of lies and that you and he broke up over them. And he and Nick got into a fight, Nick dislocated his shoulder...."

"That's not...." She swallowed again, shaking her head. "That's not exactly what happened. Nick dislocated his shoulder breaking down my dorm room door...."

"Why on earth would he do that?" her grandfather asked.

_Deep breath. You can do this. Just say it._ "He did it because he heard me screaming... because Trey was raping me."

For a moment, deep silence filled her grandparents' house as her words sank in. Then, pandemonium. She sat calmly, listening silently as they swore, called Trey every foul name they could think of including a few she'd never heard her usually quiet-mannered mother utter, and bombarded her with questions until, after nearly fifteen minutes, they realized she hadn't said another word.

"Why didn't you tell us, honey?" her mother asked tearfully.

Natalie scooted closer and opened her arms to hug her, but Beth shook her head. She couldn't give in to the weakness for even a moment or she'd never be able to finish.

"I couldn't," she replied. "I tried... but I wasn't ready. If you are ready to listen, I'll tell you now."

Understanding that this was the first test of whether or not she could talk about the rape in detail, she revealed everything, beginning with how Nick had paid for dinner because Trey had forgotten to bring enough money. She told them how Trey had first been playful, what Darryl had told him, even that he'd used his belt to bind her hands. She didn't leave even the most painful detail out and was nauseated by the memory. When she got to the part where Nick had burst through the door, she felt a wave of relief nearly as powerful as the one that had poured through her that night. The rest was easier to tell.

"And then, when Trey realized you weren't going to report the rape, he decided to accuse Nick of assault," her father remarked. "I'm going to kill him. I'm going to drive to Devyn right now, hunt that cowardly little bastard down, and put a bullet between his goddamned eyes."

Her grandfather echoed those sentiments, and Natalie bawled. Livia, as usual, tried to maintain the peace, but she was just as angry as the rest of them. Beth glanced from one beloved face to the next and realized she couldn't ask any of them to accompany her to the police station. For her, the rape had happened weeks ago, and she'd had time to come to terms with it and to do a good deal of healing, but to them, it was fresh and new and brutally painful. Not one of them would be able to stand with her and give her the support she needed, so with a calmness that shocked her, she rose quietly and strode to the door.

"Where are you going, Beth?" her grandmother asked.

"To report the rape. I would have done it before I came home, but... I had to tell my family first. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Can't it wait until Monday?"

"No. I've waited too long already, Grandma. I can't let Nick do this by himself anymore."

She left before any of them could offer to come with her. Briefly, she toyed with the idea of driving straight to the police station but dismissed it immediately. The mere thought of doing it alone made her heart jump erratically in panic. She knew who she could ask to go with her, someone she knew to be as rational and unnervingly coolheaded as Nick used to be and someone she knew wouldn't ask too many questions or try to smother her with sympathy or pity.

When she arrived back at campus, she headed directly to her floor, to the room just below and across from Nick's, and knocked.

June opened the door and smiled in greeting.

"You don't have class for a while, right?"

"No. Why?"

"I have a huge favor to ask of you."

"Sure. Anything."

"I need you to come with me to the police station."

"Yeah. No problem. Can you give me a few minutes to finish what I'm working on?"

"Of course." Beth glanced at her watch and realized she'd somehow timed her return perfectly. She would have just been finishing her meeting with Dr. Keller, so Nick wouldn't think it odd if she popped up to his room to say hi. "I need to go check on Nick and make sure he's still working on his assignments, anyhow. See you in a few. Thanks, June."

"You're welcome."

His door was open, like it often was, and she found him still working diligently on his homework.

"How much do you have left?" she asked.

"Probably an hour or so." He leaned back in his chair and knitted his hands behind his head to stretch for a moment.

"Good. That should give us plenty of time to do something together this afternoon. Maybe take another ride... and I think your mom said something when I talked to her the other day about inviting me for dinner tonight."

"She did. So it's a date."

With her hands braced on the back of his chair, she leaned around him and kissed his cheek. She studied him for a moment, noted that there was still resignation in his eyes, but she took it as a good sign that he was still working... even if it was only to appease her.

"I'll see you at home in a couple hours," she said.

After she left his room, she wondered what he would think when he found out what she'd been up to this morning and afternoon. Would he be angry with her for deceiving him or relieved that the charges against him would be dropped? Both? Guilt gripped her with icy fingers, but her deception was necessary, and she knew Nick well enough to know that he'd get over it in time.

June was waiting outside her room when Beth reached their hall. "Ready?" she asked.

Beth nodded. "As I'll ever be."

They took separate vehicles because Beth figured she'd want to get out of Devyn as quickly as she could when this was over. She parked beside June in the small lot around the side of the courthouse where the police station was located and climbed out of her car. Hesitating to gather her courage again, she glanced at June, who nodded and gave her a hug, and was suddenly very glad she'd asked the younger woman to come with her.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a very soothing presence, June?" she inquired as they walked inside.

"I've heard it a time or two," June replied.

The woman at the front desk smiled warmly. "How can I help you today?"

_This is it. No going back._ Beth didn't give herself time to reconsider and said quickly, "I need to report a rape."

June said nothing, and Beth glanced at her, expecting to see shock or pity, but June wasn't surprised by her admission, and in her eyes, Beth saw exactly what she needed—pride. With a surge of confidence, she turned back to the dispatcher and began the process of filing the report. Each detail she revealed and each piece of paperwork she filled out chipped away at her fear, uncovering the strength Nick so adamantly believed she possessed.

By the time she was finished, she knew she would be okay. The rape _had_ changed her, but she had survived it and would come out stronger with a far greater understanding of what she wanted from life and a deeper appreciation for the things—and the people—she already had.

_Now it's your turn to play defense, Trey_ , she thought as she followed June out into the brilliant autumn sunshine.

Nick trotted down the stairs and out the door of the sciences building with next week's assignments clutched in his hand after turning in his last paper. He was relieved to have finished everything even though he still thought it was a waste of time. Regardless, it was a gorgeous fall day, and with the promise of spending the afternoon and evening with Beth in Northstar away from all of this, he promised himself he would enjoy it.

"Nick!" someone called. "Hold up a minute!"

He stopped and turned toward JDC to see Dean Harris and Hal jogging toward him. Dread gathered in the pit of stomach as he waited for them.

"I'm glad to see you're still getting your work done," Rob remarked a little out of breath when he and Hal reached him. "Beth came to talk to me this morning about last night, so don't worry. I'm not here to tell you that you're expelled."

"That's good news, but there's still the possibility—the probability—that I will be."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, but I'll let Hal tell you why."

"Your trial has been postponed," Hal said, beaming. "Indefinitely."

"What? Why?"

"New evidence has been brought to the county attorney's attention that will prove the so-called assault was self-defense."

His dread exploded, and for a frightening moment, he thought he was going to collapse to the concrete sidewalk. There was only one thing that could prove self-defense with little enough doubt to make the county attorney postpone his trial. Beth had reported the rape. He hunched over, sick, and trembled as a million thoughts of what would happen raced through his mind. When he paused long enough to wonder how she was doing, he bolted upright.

"I have to go," he said and took off at a dead run toward his room.

"Nick!" Hal called.

He ignored his lawyer, dropped his assignments off in his room, locked the door behind him, and raced out to his truck. A myriad of questions plagued him while he drove, and he barely kept to the speed limit. What was she thinking? What would Trey do now in retaliation? Would reporting the rape really get Nick off the hook or would it only postpone it and provide more time and opportunities for even worse? By the time he skidded to a stop in front of Matt and Natalie Carlyle's silver and red house, he'd worked himself into a frenzy. First and foremost, he had to see Beth to assure himself she was okay. He could deal with the rest later.

He rang the doorbell and knocked at least three times. No one was home.

He tried Old Matt and Livia's house as well, but again, his knocks received no answer. Where was everyone? Standing on the porch of the main ranch house, he squinted around him, searching the sprawling acres for any sign of life. Finally, he spotted the old brown Chevy that belonged to one of the Northstar Valley ranch hands, Austin McGuire, at the far side of the Carlyles' upper pasture. The truck's owner, Nick discovered as he drove closer on the faint trail, was fixing a fence. He had his young son Shane with him, and the boy bounded out the cab of his father's truck and waved exuberantly when he spotted Nick.

"Afternoon, Nick!" Austin called.

"Hi, Austin. Shane, what are you doing out of school?"

"I have a cold," the seven-year-old said with a sniffle.

"Hey, where is everyone?"

"Down at your folks' place," Austin replied.

"What are they doing down there this time of day? It's not even three o'clock yet."

"Don't know. But when Old Matt told me they were heading down, he seemed pretty upset about something."

_I imagine he was,_ Nick thought. "Did he say what?"

Austin shook his head. "No."

"Mrs. Carlyle was crying when they left, though," Shane remarked. "And Mr. Carlyle looked mad as hell."

"Shane! You don't use that kind of language!" Austin barked.

"Sorry, Dad."

He must be talking about Natalie and Matt, Nick decided. No one, not even kids Shane's age, called Livia "Mrs. Carlyle" or Old Matt "Mr. Carlyle."

"Thanks, Austin," Nick said. "Shane, you get to feeling better soon, all right?"

"I will."

Nick drove down to his parents' house, wondering what chaos would greet him when he walked through the door. Undoubtedly, if Beth's parents had been upset when Shane saw them, she had told them about the rape. What would they think of his role in it? Would they be glad he'd acted or would they believe he hadn't done enough? Had Beth given them all the details of Trey's harassment, or left it as they'd decided with just the bare minimum? He parked his truck beside his father's and sat for a moment, steeling himself against every scenario he could imagine.

When he stepped into the kitchen, his efforts immediately became a waste of time. His mother, who'd been leaning against the counter talking with Livia and Natalie, threw her arms around him and held him close.

"I'm so sorry, Nick. Please forgive me for ever doubting you," she murmured. "I should have trusted that you knew what you were doing and that it was the right thing to do."

"There's nothing to forgive, Mom."

Livia and Natalie followed suit, hugging him and thanking him for coming to Beth's rescue and for supporting her. Annoyance flickered at the edges of his mind, eroding his patience, and their gratitude was a bit overwhelming and suffocating.

"Where's Beth?" he asked at last.

"I believe she headed outside to visit Remington," Tracie replied.

Nick excused himself as politely as he could manage and strode through the house to the back door, ignoring the pleas from his father, Matt, and Old Matt to join them in the living room. Once he was back outside, he broke into a jog, vaguely aware that he was being followed. He didn't look back to see by whom.

Beth was, as his mother had said, perched on the top rail of the jackleg fence surrounding Remington's pasture. The stallion stood beside her with his nose resting against her leg while she absently stroked his cheek. The sight of them was so beautiful and poignant that Nick slowed to a walk to give himself more time to take it in and appreciate it. For a horse who didn't like anyone, Remington certainly loved Beth, and the faint smile on her face made Nick believe the feeling was mutual.

Sensing she was no longer alone with the horse, she turned her gaze to Nick, and her smile widened for a moment before guilt shadowed her face. As if he could hear her thoughts, he knew that she regretted deceiving him by not telling him her plan to report the rape.

"Why did you do it, Beth?" he asked.

"I had no choice. Trey won't stop, and I couldn't let you take the punishment for him anymore."

"He'll just be a hundred times worse now."

"Maybe in the short term, but he'll be arrested... and he and his parents can say anything they want about me, but the rape kit will prove he raped me."

"Jesus, Beth.... You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did. You wanted me to report it, didn't you, at first?"

"Yes, but because you wanted to for _you_. Not for me. I wanted it to give you some control back."

"And it has. It's given me a _lot_ back. Don't you see, Nick? Reporting it for you is the same thing as reporting it for me because it gave me the courage to do it. And to face Trey."

His heart dropped. "You _what_?"

"Last night, while you were asleep on the couch, I went to his room to see if I could get him to take back the accusation and leave us alone. He won't, just like I knew he wouldn't, but I had to try to make sure I couldn't avoid taking the rape public."

"Ah, Beth," Nick whispered. "You shouldn't have gone alone. What if he'd—"

"I had to. I had to know I could do it. Besides, you already had enough on your mind, and I didn't think you'd let me do it."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That you couldn't rely on me to support your decision."

"It has nothing to do with whether or not I can rely on you. I've been relying on you too much for too long, and because of that, you've suffered." She lowered her gaze. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to do this sooner."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her off the fence to crush her to him. Relief, gratitude, love, and a whirlpool of other emotions drowned him, and for several minutes, all he could do was hold her. Finally, he said, "Beth, you are the strongest person I know."

With her body pressed closely to his, he took her face in his hands and kissed her long and hard. When she tipped her head back to gaze up at him with the most incredible adoration in her eyes, he knew without a doubt that he was looking at his future. It might be too soon to admit it, but he cherished it, and vowed not to rush it and to savor every second.

"I didn't say it before because I didn't deserve it," Beth said softly, "but I love you, Nick. And I will be thankful for everything you've done for me for the rest of my life, no matter what happens between us."

"We've been friends all our lives, and we've been through so much together—a lot of things that might have torn us apart but only brought us closer," Nick remarked. "Do you really think that will change?"

"I sincerely hope not."

He touched his forehead to hers. "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

The sound of someone clearing his throat jerked Nick's attention away from Beth, and he realized they had an audience—their parents and her grandparents, none of whom had been told about their relationship.

"When did this happen?" John Hammond asked gesturing between them.

"Um, about two weeks ago," Beth replied. "But it started a long time ago."

"And you're sure this is a good idea?" Old Matt asked gruffly.

His wife elbowed him. "Cut it out, Matthew. You've been hoping they'd get together for years."

Old Matt grunted. "They could have told us."

"Considering the accusations Trey made about why he and Nick fought..." John remarked, "I understand why they didn't."

"Why don't we all come back inside and talk where Natalie, Livia, and I can get dinner started?" Tracie announced.

Nick and Beth followed the others inside and promptly curled up on the couch together. It was yet another relief that they no longer had to hide their relationship from their families, who appeared to be both unsurprised and happy about it. For the most part, they sat quietly and listened as John, Matt, and Old Matt discussed the rape and Nick's arrest and what would happen next, and though the memories their animated and occasionally heated conversation evoked made him uncomfortable, Nick was glad that Beth would now have the support of her family to help her through the trials to come.

Nearly two hours later, just as Tracie was setting the table for dinner, Nick's brothers showed up with Hal McInerny in tow.

"Why aren't you two at football practice?" John asked. "Hal, I suppose you've heard."

"Yes, I have," Hal replied. "And I'm here for the same reason they're home early."

"Trey's been arrested," Aaron blurted. "Dean Harris marched right out onto the football field in the middle of practice with that asshole Officer Rogers—who might have gone up a couple pegs in my book—and in front of the whole damned team, Rogers arrested Trey on rape charges."

"What the hell happened that night?" Henry asked Beth and his brother.

"You're smart," Beth replied. "So I'm sure you've already figured it out."

"We should've beat the crap out of him the day you were arrested, Nick," Aaron said. "Or let you kick the crap out of him the day he and his buddies picked a fight with you."

"I'm glad you didn't," Nick replied.

"I wish you could have been there to see the look on his face when ol' Rogers slapped the cuffs on him," Henry remarked with a grin. "I don't think I've ever seen him so shocked... or so quiet. I kinda wish he'd've thrown a temper tantrum, but I think he was too surprised and embarrassed."

Nick turned to Hal. "What happens now?"

"My job becomes much easier and much more enjoyable," Hal replied. "I'm going to have a grand time making Trey regret everything he's done. Old Lawrence Holt can try whatever he thinks will get his son off, but it won't work. Thanks to your quick thinking Nick, taking Beth to the hospital, there's too much evidence against Trey."

"So... what _exactly_ is going to happen?"

"Well, as I told you earlier, your trial has been postponed until after Trey's trial—we'll know Monday when that will happen. His arraignment is scheduled for ten in the morning on Monday."

"I know his parents won't let him sit in jail over the weekend."

"No, they wouldn't, but they don't have a choice. He's been remanded without bail."

"Why?" Nick asked, shocked.

"The prize for that goes to Beth and Dean Harris for documenting Trey's harassment. Seems the county attorney didn't think those pranks were nearly as funny as Trey thought they were."

"All right, everyone," Tracie interrupted. "Dinner's ready, so get your backsides to the table or go hungry."

The others stood and headed into the dining room, but Nick and Beth hung back on the couch for a few minutes longer. Nick couldn't fully comprehend everything that had happened today and couldn't yet begin to analyze what it all meant. All he knew was that he owed Hal and Beth and Dean Harris more than he could ever repay. He also recognized that out of all the turmoil and pain had come something beautiful and worth everything he and Beth had so far faced—Beth was right where she belonged... in his arms and in his heart.

"Everything is beginning to be set right again," she remarked.

"Except that the worst is yet to come."

She shook her head. "No. The worst already happened. Trey raped me, Nick, and he's done everything he can to break you. What can he possibly do that will hurt me more than that? Besides, we're finally together like we should be, and that is something to celebrate, isn't it?"

Nick lowered his head to kiss her. "Good point. Let's go eat."

# Sixteen

Beth glanced over the contents in their shopping cart—Scotch tape, large black garbage bags, boxes of Rice Krispies cereal, bags of marshmallows, butter, pushpins, black and orange crepe streamers, balloons, and strings of Halloween mini-lights. Nick, to her surprise, was actually looking forward to the annual Halloween hall decorating contest. With his trial postponed and the rape no longer a secret, she knew he was under a lot less pressure, and he had been more like his old self, but just this morning, he'd admitted to feeling guilty for it because the reaction to Trey's arrest and suspension from both school and the football team had been decidedly in Trey's favor—from disbelief that he was capable of such an act to accusations that Beth was making it up.

So far, she was holding up well against it, but it had only been a week and a half, and there were still just over three weeks until Trey's trial. She had no doubts that the Holts would find ever more creative and unsettling ways to try to disprove her claim, and she dreaded to find out just how far they would go as Trey's trial date neared and desperation escalated. She glanced at Nick. The return of his hope and the confidence she had gained were well worth pitting herself against the Holts.

"Did we get everything on our list?" Nick asked.

"Looks like it," Beth replied, grateful for the interruption.

"Thanks for helping me with this... especially because it could be considered betraying your floor mates."

"Helping you make rice crispy treats for your floor mates to enjoy while they decorate your hall is not betrayal. Now, if I were to help you decorate your hall... _that_ would definitely be siding with the enemy. Besides, we're still going to kick your butts."

"Most likely so," Nick replied with a chuckle as he pushed their cart toward the checkout stands. "Oh, hey. I forgot to grab a newspaper. I want to see what old Tom Rehder had to say about Saturday's game, since he was so vocal about Henry being only half the player Trey is. Would you mind grabbing one?"

Beth laughed. "Sure. I want to see it, too. He sure did backpedal on the radio during the game, didn't he, when Sean Jensen made that comment about Henry being half of Trey all right—half the ego."

"Yeah, twice the talent with half the ego. Dad loved it. Henry shrugged it off, which just proves Sean right."

Beth nodded and trotted out to the store's arctic entry to grab a copy of the Devyn Tribune. She froze when she glanced at it. Splashed across the front page was a picture of Trey grinning in his Bulldog football uniform with a headline that read, _Bulldogs' Star Player Falsely Accused?_

She quickly skimmed the article—written by the paper's owner, the very same Tom Rehder who had written the crappy article about Henry taking over Trey's position and whom Beth knew to be a good friend of Lawrence Holt's—and was disgusted. The article detailed what Darryl had told Trey, citing an unnamed "source." Darryl was referred to only as one of her supposed ex-lovers, and Tom claimed he had come forward in the aid of his friend, whom he allegedly couldn't stand to see falsely accused. Not once was Darryl actually quoted, however.

Beth almost put the paper down. She didn't want to read the article in its entirety, and she didn't want Nick to, either, but she brought it back to the checkout stand where he was unloading their cart.

Quietly, she remarked to him, "This is quite the coincidence considering that Hal's supposed to be meeting with Trey's lawyer and the county attorney this afternoon."

Nick's brows dipped briefly in confusion, so she handed him the paper. His eyes darted from side to side as he scanned the article, then he tossed the newspaper on top of their goodies. Almost nonchalantly, he finished unloading the cart, then said in a low voice, "I don't think it's a coincidence at all. They're trying to intimidate you, probably hoping you'll back down because they know the only way the charges will be dismissed is to convince the jury that it was consensual. They have to discredit the evidence against Trey, and the rape exam was pretty conclusive." He offered her a sympathetic smile and brushed his thumb over her cheek. "We knew this was going to happen."

She liked that he'd said _we_ ; it reminded her that she didn't have to face this alone. "It still hurts, though."

"Of course it does. That's the point."

Nick paid for their purchases, and as they started to walk away, the older woman standing behind them in line _humpfed,_ and Beth turned to look at her, frowning at the sneer on the woman's otherwise pleasant face.

"Harlot," the woman muttered. "Shameless hussy."

Beth jerked back, shocked. She would expect such a comment from Trey's friends, but not from a woman she didn't know and who didn't know her.

"Excuse me?" Nick retorted, whirling around to face the woman.

"That girl should be ashamed of herself for making such egregious accusations," the woman chided. "Trey Holt is a sweet boy; I've known him all his life and known his parents a lot longer. He'd never hurt anyone."

"Then you obviously _don't_ know Trey Holt," Nick snapped. "Pardon me for saying it, ma'am, but you speak of something you know nothing about."

"I beg to differ."

"I'm sure you do, but that 'sweet boy' you knew grew up into a lying, self-serving bastard who doesn't care who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants. I've seen it time and again as his teammate and, once upon a time, as his friend. He puts himself before his team, puts his wants before anyone else's needs, and thinks only of himself, and it's a pity that you're helping him further hurt someone he's already hurt far too thoroughly. Good day, ma'am."

Nick draped his arm around Beth's shoulders, turned her toward the door, and walked out without looking back. Beth glanced briefly at the woman, who stared after them with her mouth open and her eyes wide, but then she was gone from sight as the automatic doors with their obscuring posters and ads whooshed closed. Nick didn't stop until they reached his truck, then he hugged her close. He didn't say anything to comfort her or chase away the sting of the woman's insult, but he didn't need to. She knew he loved her and supported her, and that soothed her more than any words could.

They quickly loaded the bags into the back of his truck and scurried into the cab to escape the biting wind. He'd left the engine running while they were in the store, so blissful heat greeted them as soon as they closed the doors.

Beth tipped her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. "As if being raped wasn't bad enough...." She turned and smiled at Nick. "I'm glad I still have you to defend me even after everything I've put you through."

He leaned across the seat and kissed her cheek. "You haven't put me through anything, my love. I wish there was no need to defend you, but since there is, I'm glad to do it."

"My love. I like that." She stared out the windshield and sighed. "I knew I'd have to face this kind of thing, but... I guess I didn't expect it to come from a kind old lady."

"Not that it's any consolation, but I didn't, either."

While Nick drove back to campus, Beth pondered the ideas she and her floor mates had come up with for their hall's Halloween decorations. Nick's idea of a giant bat cave for his floor—which the other residents of his hall had readily agreed to—was far more creative than anything Beth's fellow basement dwellers had come up with. She and the girls were going to have to think a lot harder on it, although it felt a bit like cheating because she wasn't supposed to know what other floors had planned. Besides, her hall had won the annual contest the last two years in a row, and with everything else going on in her life, she wasn't sure she had the energy left to devote to over-the-top decorating. She still hadn't finished her own room, and she'd be lucky if she could pull together a costume in time.

"Didn't Dean Harris say he still needed a couple more students to lead trick-or-treaters around campus?" Beth asked.

"I believe so. Why?"

"Would you be interested? I'm not sure I feel like sitting in my dorm room handing out candy this year, but I don't want to do it unless you want to do it with me."

"I guess I could do that. I don't have a costume yet, though."

"Neither do I, but we can remedy that. So... when we get all this stuff unloaded, can we go talk to Rob?"

"Sure."

It took them three trips to unload everything they'd bought even loading themselves down as heavily as they could, and Beth idly wondered why they needed so much stuff. As soon as the thought entered her mind, she sighed. She really _wasn't_ in the holiday spirit this year, and that was a pity because, despite everything that was going on, this year felt special, like it had the potential to be her best Halloween ever if she could just open herself up to the joy of it. The difference, she knew, was Nick. She no longer doubted that what she felt for him was genuine and knew that it wouldn't end, no matter what happened between them. He could break her heart—though instinctively she knew he never would—and she'd still love him, just like she always had even if she hadn't been aware of it.

Suddenly, leading a bunch of kids around campus for trick-or-treating sounded like a blast, and she was anxious to go ask Dean Harris if he still needed volunteers. Giddy, she grabbed Nick's hands and pulled him toward his door. "Come on. Let's go talk to Rob."

He regarded her with his brows knitted together and a bemused smile on his lips. "What's gotten into you? Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

"A spark of excitement," Beth replied. " _Real_ excitement. Because of you."

"While I'm happy for you, I'm not sure how I figure into it."

"For a while in there, what Trey did took the fun out of life for me... but it's coming back now because you make me want to do things _with you_... like fishing and trail riding and making rice crispy treats and taking a bunch of kids trick-or-treating and going dancing and so much more."

Nick let go of one hand and twirled her around, beaming. "In that case, let's go talk to Rob. We'll make the rice crispy treats later and talk about going dancing again while we're at it."

Beth leaned into him, delighted when he dipped his head to kiss her lightly, and sighed, wishing they could do more than kiss. The urge to explore the lines of his body was quickly becoming insatiable now that the boundaries of their relationship had shifted comfortably into romantic regions, but she was still shy enough and old habits still had a strong enough hold on her that she had yet done very little to push the boundaries further.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

She slid a hand up his chest, avoiding his gaze for a moment until she slipped her fingers around his neck, brushing his jaw as she did so. The haze of desire widening his blue eyes was intoxicating. "That I'm too shy to attempt most of the things I want to do with you."

Understanding exactly what she meant without needing to ask for clarification, he leaned down to first kiss then nuzzle her neck. His breath was warm against her skin, and she shivered when he whispered, "That will come back in time, too, Beth. Don't try to push yourself into doing anything you're not comfortable with."

_Oh, I imagine I'd be plenty comfortable with what I want to do. Most of it, anyhow,_ she thought. "Well, let's go if we're going to."

With hands locked together against the brisk late-morning air, they headed outside and across campus to the JDC complex. Beth marveled at how much more relaxing it was to stroll into JDC knowing Trey, at least, wouldn't be lurking somewhere waiting for her. Rich and Eric had been given a reprieve on the condition that they leave both Nick and Beth entirely alone. Mercifully, they were taking that chance serious, as the consequence for breaking Dean Harris's edict was suspension for the rest of the semester.

However, when they stepped into the Student Life Office and neared the door of Dean Harris's office, a familiar pair of voices made her stomach lurch, and she instinctively tightened her grip on Nick's hand as she lifted her gaze and spotted Lawrence and Claire Holt standing in front of Dean Harris's desk. Trey's parents hadn't yet seen them, too focused on their heated discussion with the dean to notice anything else. Nick quietly backed away, tugging on Beth's hand, and she had a few moments to hope they might escape without drawing the Holts' attention.

Unfortunately, Claire happened to glance over her shoulder, perhaps sensing someone watching her. She scowled but turned her attention back to Rob for the time being.

"You were quick enough to give Nick Hammond disciplinary probation so he could continue his education," Lawrence Holt snapped. "So why has Trey been suspended?"

"The charge against Mr. Hammond, as you well know, was a misdemeanor," Dean Harris explained. "The charge against your son is a felony. According to university policy, a student who is charged with a misdemeanor may be placed on disciplinary probation if he or she has no prior disciplinary record, and Mr. Hammond has been an exemplary student here. Felony charges involving the physical harm of another student require temporary suspension regardless of prior disciplinary record. I thought I made that clear when I spoke with you following Trey's arrest."

"This is an outrage!"

"I understand your frustration, Mr. Holt, but I have to follow policy."

"We'll just see about that. You can expect a lawsuit, Dr. Harris."

"Do you as you feel necessary, but this is one lawsuit I can guarantee the university will not simply settle out of court in an effort to keep costs down. You don't have a leg to stand on because—in _both_ cases—I acted according to university policy. Here. Perhaps you would like a copy of the student handbook so you may refresh your memory. If you will excuse me, I believe there are a couple students waiting outside who need to speak with me."

The Holts left Dean Harris's office with matching sneers on their faces. Rob followed them out to where Nick and Beth were waiting in the chairs across the hall from the Student Life Office. Lawrence and Claire both jeered at them but passed by without so much as a word. With a twitch of his fingers, Rob beckoned Nick and Beth to join him in his office. He closed the door behind them.

"Please tell me this doesn't have anything to do with Trey or Rich or Eric or any of _that_ ," the dean said as he flopped with a distinct vexation in the chair behind his desk. He gestured for them to sit.

"Oh, it won't take long," Beth assured him. "And don't worry. Why we're here has nothing to do with the Holts."

"Fantastic. In that case, please proceed."

"Do you still need chaperones for the trick-or-treaters?" Beth inquired.

"I do indeed."

"Nick and I would like to help out."

Rob grinned. "That is the first piece of good news I've had all day. Thank you both. I'll get all the information to you by next Friday, but since you've both done it before, you already know the drill."

"Yes, we do," Nick said.

The dean glanced between them for a moment, then smiled. "I have to say that I'm very pleased to see you more like your usual, cheerful self, Beth. So do us both a favor."

"What would that be?"

"Don't listen to the radio this afternoon. Mr. Holt let it slip that he'll doing an interview, and I'd be willing to bet you will be the topic of discussion."

"Thank you for the heads up, Rob," Nick said. "Beth, if that's everything, we should probably get back over to Mathews and get started on those rice crispy treats."

They left Dean Harris's office to the sound of his laughter. Just as they passed out of the Student Life Office, Beth swore she heard him say, "Always knew they'd make a cute couple."

She glanced up at Nick and grinned.

"I heard it, too," he murmured with a tender smile. "And I think he's right."

Taking her hand again, Nick pulled her down the hallway toward Mathews. Her excitement about Halloween, having been briefly dimmed by their almost-encounter with Trey's parents, rebounded. She pondered what costumes she and Nick could come up with on such short notice, and glanced up at the poster of the iconic _Life_ magazine photograph _V-J Day in Times Square_ with the sailor kissing a nurse hanging just inside the main doors of JDC.

"I know what we can do!" she piped.

"Do for what?" Nick asked.

"For Halloween costumes." She stopped and pointed at the poster. "Do you think your grandpa would let you borrow his World War II combat gear?"

"Possibly, but he was Army, not Navy."

"Oh, close enough. Grandma Livia still has her old nurse's uniform, so we could dress as a wounded soldier and nurse!"

Nick shook his head and laughed. Tilting her head, she frowned at him with her lips curved in a confused smile. "What is so funny?"

"You are, love. You are so cute when you're excited." He dipped his head to kiss her. "That sounds like a good idea, so we'll look into it this weekend, all right?"

"That was easier than I thought it would be."

"Why? You've always been good at coming up with costumes and decorations and craft ideas and whatnot. Maybe you should have majored in one of the design fields instead of business and marketing."

He held the door open for her and promptly took her hand when they were back outside. Beth chattered away about their costumes, and he listened, though she could tell he was humoring her. Not in the bored way that Trey used to, but rather in a way that made her feel like he was acknowledging that she was simply better at it than he was and content to let her make the plans.

"Well, well, well."

Beth barely managed to contain the shriek of surprise. Trey's parents stood at the bottom of the concrete ramp. Beth and Nick had been in Dean Harris's office only a short time but not so short a time that the Holts wouldn't have had time to make it out to their car, which she spied in the small parking lot between JDC and the eastern wing of Mathews Hall. Their gazes flitted from Nick and Beth's joined hands to their faces and back again so obviously that Beth wanted to laugh. Her momentary shock vanished, and she was mildly surprised at herself. Shouldn't she be terrified of facing Trey's parents for the first time since before the rape?

"Looks like Trey was right about you, Mr. Hammond," Mr. Holt remarked. "You _did_ covet her."

Nick's relaxed expression immediately darkened. "First of all, I have never _coveted_ anyone. Beth is and always has been my best friend. Secondly, why are you still here? Were you waiting to ambush us?"

"Absolutely not," Mrs. Holt said huffily.

"Right," Nick retorted with an uncharacteristic sarcasm. "It's just a complete coincidence that you see us outside Dean Harris's office, and you just happen to still be here when we walk out of the building."

"It _is_ a coincidence. We didn't expect to bump into you here."

"We are both students of this university, and we both live on campus, so I don't understand why you're surprised, Mrs. Holt."

"It doesn't matter why," Beth interrupted before Trey's parents could retort. "What do you want? Because you obviously want something."

"I'm not sure I can even speak to you, Ms. Carlyle. For almost a year, you have been part of our family, and we came to adore you."

The haughtiness in Claire's voice so sharply contrasted her words that Beth snorted. While Trey's parents had treated her kindly, she never would have said they _adored_ her, and they certainly hadn't welcomed her into their family. She had always, at most, been treated like a regular guest. Because Trey's mother obviously expected her to respond, Beth remained silent, waiting for Claire to say whatever it was she needed to say. _Not that I have any obligation to hear her out._

Nick also seemed to be possessed by the same curiosity because he stood silently by her side with a protective arm around her.

"I cannot believe that you would make such a terrible and _false_ accusation against Trey," Claire finally continued. "But after reading what that Darryl boy said about you, I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised."

"We may be young, Mrs. Holt, but we are certainly not stupid," Nick said. "We are both very well aware that the owner of the newspaper is an old friend of your husband and that he would likely publish anything you asked him to... including a lie. And, yes, what Darryl told Trey was, in fact, a lie. Good day to you both. Let's go, Beth."

They brushed passed Trey's parents and started toward their dorms at a comfortable walk.

"We always believed you were such a sweet, innocent girl, but it is all too clear now how wrong we were. It's a shame it had to come to this," Lawrence called.

Beth spun on her heel and marched back toward the Holts. "I _was_ still sweet and innocent until your son raped me," she snapped. "I tried to take the high road and let it go without making a scene, but Trey wouldn't let me. First he accused Nick of assault, and then he and his pals began harassing us on a daily basis. He gave me no choice, Mr. Holt. He is a lying, self-serving piece of—"

"That's enough," Nick said quietly but firmly. "They're trying to intimidate you, Beth, hoping you'll back down because, deep in their hearts, they know Trey is guilty, and they're terrified of how that will tarnish their family name. We've humored them long enough."

Beth was very aware of Nick's hand pressed to the small of her back as they walked away, preventing her from turning around and launching another string of accusations at them, and she was grateful. Getting into a heated argument with Trey's parents would only create more problems, and she had more than enough already.

Back in Nick's room, she sat on his couch. Her enthusiasm for decorating and making rice crispy treats had waned. Nick sat beside her, and she let him pull her into his arms.

"Don't let the Holts get to you. They're scared because they know the evidence against Trey is too solid."

"I just wish I had someway to prove beyond a doubt that it was rape and not what they're trying to make people believe. I want this to be over so we can move on with the rest of our lives." She twisted in his embrace to kiss him soundly and was thrilled when he kissed her back without a trace of his usual reserve. "I am tired of feeling like I have to hold back because everything we say or do might be used against us."

"It'll only be a few more weeks, sweetheart."

"A few weeks too long."

"You're not getting... impatient, are you?" he asked with an enticing playfulness in his voice.

"I really am."

She snuggled into him, trailing her fingers absently over the planes of his chest and stomach. The transition from best friends to boyfriend and girlfriend had been so seamless and effortless that she was amazed it hadn't happened sooner. When they'd opened themselves to the possibilities, a beautiful physical chemistry had blossomed into a passion she had never encountered. Thus far, the circumstances that had finally breached the barrier had kept them from indulging, but Beth admitted it was becoming more difficult with each passing day to suppress her desire.

_It's so natural,_ she thought, glancing at his face, _and so easy to love you._

She swung her leg over him and straddled his waist, tugging at the flannel and T-shirt he had tucked into his jeans. He eyed her but said nothing and made no move to stop her. Emboldened, she freed his shirts, unbuttoned the flannel, and peeled it back over his shoulders. He sat forward so she could slide it down his arms and off, and when it was discarded to the cushion beside them, she slowly inched the T-shirt up, enjoying the sensation of soft, bare skin beneath her hands. The heat of him chased the lingering chill from her fingers, and when Nick allowed her to pull his shirt over his head, a different kind of heat erased the irritation from the encounter with the Holts.

Shyness flitted briefly as she took in the lines of his torso, admiring the smooth contours she hadn't yet allowed herself adequate time to appreciate. She wanted to trail kisses all over him but decided to take this one step at a time and save that for later. Besides, she doubted Nick would let her take it that far. Although he certainly seemed to be enjoying the attention. Pleasure hazed his eyes, and a faint smile brightened his face. Slowly, as she slid her hands over his skin, his eyes drifted closed, and he rested his head against the back of the couch, giving her unspoken permission to play.

He wasn't, as she had thought before, as muscular as Trey, but though he lacked the rigid contours, he _was_ toned and incredibly sexy. She permitted herself a moment or two to compare them and decided she definitely preferred Nick's physique to Trey's blockier build.

"Is it still awkward for you?" she inquired.

"Is what awkward?" he asked. His words were slightly slurred with a combination of complete relaxation and desire that drove Beth's heart rate up a notch.

"Getting a little more physical with me."

"Not anymore," he mumbled.

"Does this feel good?"

"Very." Abruptly, he opened his eyes, and in a blink, was entirely alert again. One corner of his mouth quirked upward. "But we do still have rice crispy treats to make."

Laughing, she rolled off him and bounced to her feet. When she met his gaze, she saw that he was grinning. The lack of pressure to push the boundaries of what she was willing to do was liberating, and she hoped life with him would always be like this, so easy and so unhurried. Looking back over their long friendship, she believed it would be.

"All right. Let's go make those rice crispy treats."

It was as if allowing Beth to test her willingness to engage in more intimate physical contact had ignited an inferno. In the two weeks since he'd let her play, her shyness had all but disappeared, and Nick found himself, like now, frequently having to stop her before she got carried away. With desire muddling his brain as she stroked her hands from his navel up his stomach and chest to his neck before burying her fingers in his hair and kissing him with such breathtaking demand, it was only the thought of how fragile she had been in the minutes and hours and days following the rape that kept him rooted in reality.

"Make love to me, Nick."

At first, he didn't answer, unable to form a coherent explanation of why he couldn't. He lay on her bed with the length of her body on top of him and their legs tangled, and it was nearly impossible to resist the temptation to claim her sleek body, but he would not jeopardize everything they had worked so hard to regain no matter how incredible he knew making love to her would be.

"No," he said, taking her face in his hands and curling up to kiss her. "You're not ready yet."

"I'm pretty sure I am."

"Pretty sure and certain are not one and the same. It's too soon, love, even if it doesn't feel like it right now."

When she opened her mouth to object again, he kissed her tenderly and stroked her cheek with his thumb. He compared the beautiful confidence that radiated from her now to the fear that had shadowed her eyes after the rape, and began to gather an explanation that would help her understand.

"You wanted to wait until marriage."

"It's a little too late for that now," she replied bitterly.

He knew the resentment in her voice wasn't directed at him, but it made him flinch. He folded his arms around her and cradled her head against his chest with his heart aching for her.

"It's not too late. You made a promise to yourself, and just because Trey violated that promise doesn't mean _you_ did. That vow still stands, and I choose to respect it."

She tucked her hands under him and shuddered, reminding him far too much of those days following the rape, and he was more certain than ever that he was right. She had come so far, but she still had a long way yet to go.

After a while, she sniffed and let out a sigh, but when she spoke, there was a trace of humor in her words. "Are you sure you can wait that long?"

"I'm certain of it. All I have to do is remember that night." He stroked his hand over her silken hair. "And, if I may be completely honest... after this whole ordeal, I will never look at sex the same way."

"What do you mean?"

"The thought of you getting pregnant from the rape terrified me, Beth. I never thought about it quite like that forced me to. A guy can have his fun and walk away with no real consequences if he so chooses, but if the girl gets pregnant, she _has_ to deal with it. Either she puts her body through the changes and possible complications of pregnancy or she has an abortion and faces who-knows-what consequences of _that_ decision. How is that fair?"

"It's not, but it would never be like that with you, Nick, because you'd be right by my side through everything."

"Yes, I would, but that's not the point." He kissed her forehead. "Let's just wait, all right?"

Grudgingly, she nodded in agreement.

"Besides, I hear that waiting until marriage makes the wedding night all that much better. A year, two, five... I don't care how long you need. I'll wait. Because I love you."

"Does that mean you want to marry me?" she inquired with a quirk of her lips

"Maybe I do, but let's keep taking things one step at a time, okay? Starting with getting our costumes on."

Before she could try to talk him into picking up where they'd left off, he lifted her off him, closed his mind to the darker thoughts that had infiltrated it, and bounded off the bed, yanking his flannel on as he scooted out the door. Word might be out that he and Beth were dating, but that didn't mean it was a good idea to flaunt it just yet by walking out of her room half naked. Not until after Trey's trial, and even then.... Well, it wasn't in his nature to flaunt anything. That was Trey's mode of operation.

Thanks to Beth's suggestion that he get everything figured out for his costume well in advance of Halloween, it was a cinch to don his grandfather's combat gear. The perfect fit was a testament to how much Nick took after the Hammond side of his family. He grabbed the helmet and headed back downstairs so Beth could put her finishing touches on him.

Beth was currently in the process of pinning her hair back in an elegant 1940s-era up-do. For a moment, he was reminded of the day he'd walked in to find her standing in front of her shattered mirror—which had since been replaced—with scissors in her hand, poised to chop off her hair. Shaken by the memory, he twirled one of the locks still hanging loose around his fingers.

"Have I ever told you how much I love your hair?" he murmured. "I'm so glad you didn't cut it."

"I'm glad you stopped me in time."

He stepped back to let her finish, fascinated by the deft movements of her slim fingers. She was done before his mind could comprehend how exactly she'd accomplished the hairstyle, and the result was captivating. He continued to watch as she applied her makeup, and thought that she did so with an artist's touch despite rarely wearing any. Dressed in the all-white nurse's uniform her grandmother had worn in Europe during World War II with her lips painted bright red, she looked every bit the part.

"All right. Your turn," she said.

"My turn?"

"Yep. I'm going to give you some smudges to match the stains on your uniform. Make you look like you were in the trenches. And then we need to make you a sling."

"A what?"

"A sling. You're supposed to be the wounded soldier, remember? And I'm your nurse."

"I spent two weeks in a sling not so long ago, and you want me to do it again?"

"Yep. At least it's only for a few hours this time."

Smiling, he pressed a kiss to her neck, figuring she wouldn't be too happy if he messed up her makeup. "Good thing you're so cute."

"That... and your floor beat mine in the hall decorating contest, so you have to humor me."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Go sit on the bed."

He did as he was told, and sat patiently through her ministrations, feeling a bit like a canvas as she smudged various earth-toned eye shadows and liners around his face. It was pleasant to be the center of her attention, and he found himself leaning into her touches, lulled into a wonderful bliss. She hummed along with the radio while she worked, and he wondered why he'd never realized how beautiful her voice was. When the song ended and the DJ came on to read the local news, she didn't pause for even a moment, not even when the DJ played a brief clip from an interview with Lawrence Holt that had aired earlier in the week.

"Of course we're not going to take a plea bargain," Trey's father scoffed. "Why would we take a reduced charge when there's no chance a jury will find Trey guilty. He didn't rape that girl."

They'd heard it before, so maybe that was why Beth showed no reaction to it now, but Nick watched her for a moment regardless to assure himself it didn't bother her. As he'd feared, the rape case was all over the newspaper and both the college and Devyn radio stations, and had twice been featured on the Butte news. Nick supposed the fact that Trey was—had been—the star player on the Bulldogs' football team had a lot to do with it, as did Lawrence's involvement on several town and county committees. Through it all, Beth had maintained a remarkable composure in public, though he had held her more than once as she cried and told him she didn't think she could keep going with this.

"Now for the finishing touch," she said, interrupting his unpleasant musings.

She reached into the middle drawer of her nightstand and pulled out what remained of an old white T-shirt that had once been used for some craft project or other of hers and her scissors. Frowning, she lifted her tape recorder out—the one that had fallen behind the nightstand.

"What?" he asked when she continued to stare at it.

"The record button is still depressed," she replied slowly.

Like a thing possessed, she ransacked the drawer until she found fresh batteries that would fit the device. She popped the old batteries out, put the new ones in, and hesitated.

"I wonder.... I wonder how much this recorded."

Even as curiosity surged, dread exploded. Nick instinctively suspected that he did not want to hear whatever was on that tape, but he couldn't stop himself from listening. The recording started out innocently enough with Beth explaining to Trey what she wanted him to do for their ad. He searched her face and watched as the color leeched out of it, leaving her frighteningly pale. Knowing what he did, it was difficult to listen to Trey's compliment of Nick's taste in women and even Beth's laughter as Trey kissed and caressed her. As her ex persisted in reminding Beth that she drove him crazy, Nick began to feel queasy. When Trey's voice turned cold and the first note of fear entered Beth's, he reached for her and pulled her down onto the bed beside him, needing to hold her and assure himself that she was safe as he listened. Then Trey mentioned Nick, and he almost ran for the trashcan as bile rose in his throat.

_"Watching you dance with Nick tonight...."_ Trey said. _"You really do know how to use that sexy little body of yours."_

_"Nick and I have been dancing together for years now. You know that,"_ was Beth's response. _"Of course we know how to move well together."_

_"I get the feeling that's not the only way you know how to move with him."_

Nick willed himself not to throw up as cold sweat slid between his shoulder blades and shivers of remembered terror coursed through him.

Trey continued on with the topic, saying, _"He's always hugging you, kissing your cheek... and, wow, the way you two moved together at the Club tonight. Made me hard just watching you. Tell me my eyes are lying to me, Beth."_

Trey was right, Nick admitted, suddenly understanding what it was to truly hate himself. Even then, there had been something between him and Beth, and as foolish as he knew it was to think it, he couldn't stop himself for wondering if that had been the thing that tipped Trey over the edge from harmless selfishness to thoughtless violence. He didn't want to hear any more, but he sat on Beth's bed, paralyzed. When he heard her whimper, _Please, Nick... please hurry_ , the tears broke free, and he hunched over his legs, balling his hands into fists.

"I didn't realize I said that out loud," Beth murmured.

The tape continued to play, and they listened in silence. She had inadvertently recorded the entire rape all the way through to when Trey left the room, cursing them both. After that, there was a long silence, so she fast-forwarded through it. Just before the end of the tape, there was more—when she and Nick had returned to her room from the hospital. Not only had the rape been caught on tape, so too had all but the last few words of their conversation with Jeff Opheim.

"I need to call Hal," she said abruptly, bouncing to her feet.

Nick was still too deep in shock to move and remained curled over his knees and taking shallow breaths so he didn't vomit. He only vaguely heard Beth's conversation with Hal, but the excitement in her voice soon had him sitting upright again. Confused, he stared at her.

"Would you mind swinging by the campus on your way home?" she asked. "I have a present for you."

After she hung up the phone, she again joined Nick on the bed. The smug satisfaction on her face slowly drew him out of his stupor, though he still couldn't fathom the reason behind it. Finally, he asked.

"I didn't lead him on or encourage him, and I can finally believe now that I did everything I could to stop him." She laughed and rewound the tape. "I'll bet Lawrence Holt will be begging for a plea bargain once he finds out about this!"

"If the judge allows it to be used as evidence," Nick heard himself say. "Audio recordings are tricky."

"Didn't you hear? Trey _knew_ he was being recorded! Come on. Hal will be here in ten minutes, and I need to fix your face."

He sat back while she wiped the tears from his face and repaired his smudges. Then she took his hand to help him to his feet, set the helmet on his head, and grinned.

"You look just like your grandfather did in that photograph hanging on the wall of the staircase in your house," she remarked. "You make a very handsome soldier, Nick."

Hal arrived moments later. "You both look great. Hell, Nick, you even have the facial expression of a war-torn soldier down pat."

_I'm sure I do_ , Nick thought.

"So, where is this present you called about, Beth?"

She handed him the tape recorder. "Just please, after you listen to it, tell me it will be admissible as evidence."

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

As another wave of nausea threatened, Nick said, "I can't listen to it again. Come get me when it's over."

He stepped out of Beth's room and leaned against the wall, then slid down it and pulled up his knees. Hearing the voices on the tape again, he clamped his hands over his ears and forced himself to think of all the good things that had happened since that night. There were many, he knew, and though it was uncomfortable to admit it, he understood on some level that he and Beth were together because Trey's horrific act and the events following had stripped away the restrictions that, growing up together, they had assumed were right. What amazing potential had been beneath, Nick marveled.

Unaware of the passage of time, he was surprised when he felt Beth's hand rest gently on his back. Looking up, he saw her squatting beside him and beaming triumphantly. He smiled, unable to resist her infectious glow.

"Hal is almost certain it can be used. But come on, soldier boy. We're already a couple minutes late."

Gradually, as they headed across campus to the gym where Dean Harris and his student helpers were organizing kids and their parents and assigning them to their guides, Nick was able to shed the stubborn memories. Bathed by the glow of Beth's radiant enthusiasm, it was impossible to wallow in the darkness, and as he watched her with their group of kindergarteners, a welcome and consuming peace settled over him.

"You amaze me," he whispered when he had a moment to pull her aside while the little ninjas and princesses and monsters and pirates and witches made their way through the haunted house that had been set up in the attic of Mathews. "Didn't I say you were the strongest person I know?"

Before she could respond, one little girl raced out of the haunted house and took her hand, hiding behind her while her mother continued on with her twin brother. Beth knelt down and promised the girl that it was all make-believe. It was a punch to the gut for Nick but an enjoyable one. She was going to be an incredible mother, and he knew that he would be a very lucky man to have her as his wife.

The question she'd posed to him earlier flitted across his mind, and he smiled. _I'm_ certain _I want to marry you, Beth._

# Seventeen

Beth's initial reaction when she had learned Friday—two days after Halloween—that the judge would allow the recording of the rape to be used as evidence had been mild surprise and relief. She had hoped it would be allowed, but at least a small part of her had doubted. Then, on Monday, when the county attorney had dropped the charge of misdemeanor assault against Nick with the recording proving beyond a reasonable doubt that he had acted within the parameters of self-defense in coming to Beth's aid, surprise had turned swiftly into elation. Dean Harris had gleefully reinstated Nick to full academic privileges that day, and Nick had gone back to class for the first time in nearly two months on Tuesday. That evening, they had gone dancing with Sam and Michelle, Nick's brothers, and June and Aelissm. Now, two days later, Beth still felt the joy of that evening burning brightly in her heart, and it kept the jitters at bay on this, the second and final day of Trey's trial as she returned to the courtroom and took a seat with Nick and her parents beside her to await the jury's verdict.

While everyone else filed back in, she thought of the other emotions she had encountered since Halloween. There was relief and pride that she had been able to take the stand and endure the defense's notably wandering and pointless questioning. Trey had not held up so well, quickly crumpling from macho bravado during his lawyer's gentle questioning into a stuttering mess during the county attorney's cross examination. When he'd finally returned to his seat beside his flustered lawyer, he had looked entirely miserable. Beth glanced at him now and flinched. He knew he was screwed, but the revelation did not bring her the satisfaction she expected it to. Instead, it resulted in perhaps the most shocking emotion that had evolved in the eight days since she'd handed her tape recorder over to Hal.

Pity.

No plea bargain had been offered to Trey, and the county attorney, a thin, unimposing man with keen brown eyes that contradicted his outwardly quiet demeanor, had prosecuted the case with a fervor that made Beth believe he was out to make an example of Trey, proving that neither a powerful family nor his place as an athletic star would stand in the way of justice. Aside from whatever sentence the judge decided on, the consequences would follow Trey for the rest of his life. One act, one glitch in his ability to reason between right and wrong would likely cost him what would have been a promising career in the field of personal fitness, or at the very least, make it very difficult for him to gain a foothold.

There was no way the jury would come back with a not-guilty verdict. The defense had no case against that made by the prosecution. The evidence in the rape exam and on the tape annihilated every argument Trey's attorney—unsurprisingly one of the best in the state—had made.

When she recalled Nick's and her parents' reactions to hearing the recording, her feeling of pity lessened considerably. Something akin to rage had contorted her father's face, her mother had sobbed and gripped Beth's hand so tightly it had ached for almost an hour afterward, and Nick.... The renewed agony in his eyes and inscribed plainly in his face momentarily rekindled her loathing of Trey.

_It'll be done and over in just a few minutes_ , she told herself. _And there's no sense in holding on to those feelings. It's time to let it go so we can move on._

Fondly, she walked her fingers from her chair to Nick's, over his thigh to his hand, and curled her hand around his. He turned his head to meet her gaze, smiled reassuringly, and mouthed the words, _I love you._

She squeezed his hand, and when he turned his palm up, she twined her fingers with his. Glancing again at Trey, she let go of her resentment.

The members of the jury filed back into the courtroom and took their seats in solemn silence. A quiet murmur filled the courtroom, so the judge tapped his gavel and called everyone to order. Beth glanced from the judge to the face of each juror to Trey to her parents and finally to Nick. His expression was even, and only the twitch of the muscle in his jaw gave any indication of the turmoil beneath the surface. Was he on edge like she was, waiting for the words that would bring closure to the most tumultuous two months of their lives? Did his heart leap like hers in anticipation of the days and months and—she hoped—years to come when they would be free to focus on each other?

The judge cleared his throat, drawing Beth's attention. "Ladies and gentleman of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

"We have, your honor."

"Regarding the charge of sexual intercourse without consent, how do you find?"

"We find the defendant, Trey Lawrence Holt, guilty."

At first, Beth felt no different. Then, slowly as the quiet murmurs again began to fill the courtroom, the myriad of emotions she'd experienced throughout the last week returned tenfold. She sat paralyzed by the force of them, barely aware that her mother took her free hand or that her father exclaimed his satisfaction with the verdict until Nick draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. When he kissed the top of her head, she started crying, overwhelmed by the conflicting feelings of relief, gratification, elation, remorse, and pity. Vaguely, she heard the judge announce a sentencing hearing for Monday.

"It's over, Beth," Nick murmured, rising to his feet. He offered her a hand up.

Half-dazed, she wiped her eyes and took his hand, letting him pull her to her feet. Her parents hugged her, and then she and Nick followed them out of the courtroom with Hal and the county attorney on their heels. Outside, reporters from the Butte news, the Devyn radio station, and both the Devyn and Butte newspapers were waiting.

"Ms. Carlyle! Ms. Carlyle! How do you feel about the verdict?" one reporter shouted. "Are you relieved?"

"Our client will not be answering questions at this time," Hal replied. "But we expected the jury to come back with a guilty verdict. The evidence left little room for doubt."

"Please, Mr. McInerny, just one question," the same reporter said. "I just want her response because, for a while in there, it seemed like Mr. Holt would get off without so much as a slap on the wrist."

"Beth, do you want to answer that?" Hal asked.

She shrugged.

"Are you happy about the verdict?" the reporter asked.

Frowning, she mulled over the question for a moment before answering. "Not particularly, no. I feel vindicated, certainly, and relieved that it's all over. But not happy. I wanted to avoid all this," she said, gesturing around at the crowded lobby, "but Trey gave me no choice. And I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I feel sorry for him."

"You venomous bitch! Trey's life is ruined because of you!"

Beth didn't have time to fully turn toward the voice before Claire Holt's hand connected with her cheek. Her parents moved to intervene, but Nick jumped between them first, pushing Trey's mother back.

Holding his hand out defensively, he warned, "Back off, Mrs. Holt. Trey brought this on himself."

Camera shutters clicked rapidly, sounding like rustling leaves. Lawrence Holt, whose face was twisted with the same anger that vibrated through his wife, took Claire's hand and yanked her to his side. Beth rubbed her stinging cheek but otherwise didn't react.

"That's enough, Claire," Lawrence said in a low voice.

"Yes, it is enough," Hal remarked. Stepping closer to Trey's parents, he lowered his voice so the reporters couldn't hear. "Beth and Nick very graciously have chosen not to file either a claim of harassment or a civil lawsuit against your son. Were I you, I would not spurn their generosity."

Hal steered Nick, Beth, and her family away from the Holts and the reporters and let the county attorney field any further questions from the media about the trial. They stopped just inside the doors. Beth would have preferred to escape outside into the fresh air, but a frigid wind turned the tiny snowflakes spiraling from the pewter sky into icy needles and promised to steal the warmth from their bodies in short order.

"Hal, will you and your family be joining us and the Hammonds tonight for dinner?" her father asked.

"We'd planned on it. It's still at Old Matt and Livia's, right?"

Natalie nodded. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Are you ready to head home, honey? We have a celebration to prepare for."

"I don't feel like celebrating, Mom," Beth replied. "Honestly, I just want to go find someplace quiet with Nick."

"With Nick?" her mother asked, confused.

"Yes, Mom, with Nick. He's been right here with me through everything, and I just need a little while alone with him so we can start putting all this behind us. Okay? I promise we won't be late for dinner."

"All right, sweetie," her father said. "Whatever you need. Nick... I cannot thank you enough for helping my baby girl through this, and there are no words to express properly how it eases my heart to know you'll keep her safe."

Nick dipped his head in acknowledgement. "We'll see you in a few hours."

They watched her parents step out into the swirling snow, but before they could follow, Dean Harris joined them at the doors to congratulate them not on the verdict but on their strength for sailing through it with admirable poise and kindness.

Beth threw her arms around Rob's neck. "Thank you so much for all your help... but mostly for supporting us through this."

"You can be assured that it has been my pleasure, Beth," he replied, hugging her back. When she let him go, he turned to rest a hand on Nick's shoulder. Glancing between them, he added, "I'm just glad everything is turning out so well in the end for the two of you. And sorry any of it happened."

"Well," Beth said slowly, looking up at Nick, "there's one thing I'm not sorry happened."

Rob laughed, clapped Nick on the shoulder, and hugged Beth again. "Best wishes to you both. I hate to be rude, but I have to run back to campus and get started on the paperwork for Trey's expulsion. See you both on Monday."

"So," Nick said, turning to her and tucking his arms around her, "where do you want to go?"

"I don't care. I just want to be with you while I let the verdict and what it means sink in."

"In that case, I know just the spot. Do you need anything from your dorm?"

"No. Why?"

"Because where I want to take you is in Northstar."

She started to ask if they should stop to get her car but decided against it. It didn't matter, and she didn't feel like driving, anyhow. They dashed out to his truck, ducking to hide their faces from the stinging snowflakes.

Beth spent the ride home staring out the window, watching as the snow transformed the landscape and trying to process the day's events. As it dawned on her that Trey would be going to prison for a minimum of two years, a peace stronger than she had felt in a long time—if ever—brushed away all the questions and doubts and fear, and she inhaled deeply. A wide smile curved her lips as she let it out. She glanced over at Nick and saw the old contentment she loved so much firmly back in place. Everything would be all right now, she believed. No more nightmares, no more tears, and no more pain. The worst was behind them now, and they'd be able to build a new beginning with the love and trust built by their lifetime together.

"Um, Nick? Why are we heading toward your barn?" she asked when she realized their direction.

"You'll see."

He parked in front of the broad door on the far side of the barn from his parents' house and left the engine running when he climbed out. Beth stepped out of the warm cab and shivered when the blast of cold air hit her, driving feathery snowflakes down her neck through the gap in her coat collar. Nick held out his hand to her, and she took it.

They entered the barn through the standard-sized door beside the larger one. Inside, it was calm and quiet and felt warmer for the lack of wind, and the beloved smells of hay and livestock washed through Beth's senses as they walked into the storage room just to the right of the door. Without letting go of her hand, Nick flipped on the light. Frowning in inquiry, Beth glanced up at him.

"Why are we here?" she asked again.

"Go peek in the box right over there," he replied, pointing to a cardboard box with an old, sheepskin-lined plaid blanket draped over it.

He leaned in the doorway with his arms loosely folded across his chest and a smile she could only describe as compassionate while she peered into the box. As soon as she saw what was inside, her heart melted. A small, longhaired calico cat with a pretty, mostly white face and beautiful green eyes met her gaze and meowed softly. Snuggled into her soft belly fur were three tiny kittens—a solid black one, a marmalade, and a calico—that couldn't be more than a day or two old. Tentatively, Beth reached in to stroke the mother's head, and the feline head-butted her palm. Moments later, the cat was purring.

"She's so friendly," Beth murmured. "Where'd she come from? I know she's not one of the barn cats."

"We don't know," Nick replied, joining her. In one hand, he gently lifted all three kittens out and tucked them close to his chest to shield them from the chill air as he sat beside the box with his back propped against the wall. Mama cat jumped into his lap, rubbing up to him and meowing with blatant demand. With fondness in his eyes, he scratched under her chin and stroked her back, chuckling softly when she arched against his hand. "She just showed up on Monday, and Mom tried to bring her in the house because she's way too sweet to be feral, but she wouldn't stay."

"So, _this_ is why you had to rush home so late last night."

"Yep. Mom was worried we'd lose the little black kitten...."

"And she knew you'd know exactly what do to," Beth added. "You're already putting your animal science degree to work and you haven't even finished it yet."

The mother meowed loudly and put her front paws on Nick's stomach, stretching up toward his free hand when he stopped petting her for a moment. "Yes, I'll feed you in just a minute, Mama. Or... Beth, would you mind filling her bowl? The cat food is in that bucket over there. I'll bring her out some special treats later. Of course, you know, little girl, you could make it easier on me and come inside so I don't have to keep coming out to the barn to check on you."

"Henry was right," Beth remarked after she'd filled the cat's bowl and joined Nick on the floor. The cat had climbed up to his shoulder and currently had her forehead pressed to his cheek. Beth tucked a hand around his upper arm and rested her cheek against his other shoulder. "You _do_ know how to woo them."

He met her gaze. "This probably wasn't what you had in mind when you said you wanted some alone time."

"I really didn't have anything in mind. And actually, this is perfect. Just like the night we found Winter."

She wondered if he'd remembered using that memory to pull her out of the shock after she'd been raped. Undoubtedly he had and had chosen to introduce her to the calico and her kittens for that reason. It had always been a powerful memory—the time when they had transitioned from being casual playmates to inseparable friends—and now it held so much more meaning, and another transition... from best friends to soul mates.

Beth stroked a finger over the kittens still soundly sleeping in Nick's hand. Their mother jumped down from his shoulder and promptly sat on Beth's lap, watching her intently as if to say, _Well, aren't you going to pet me?_ Laughing, Beth indulged her and was rewarded with more purrs. "She has to belong to someone."

"That's what Mom and Dad thought, too, but no one has spoken up to claim her. Dad put up flyers at the Bedspread Inn, the Ramshorn Lodge, Ma Burns'... everywhere. Which is fine by me. She can stay here as long as she wants. And since we already have one snowstorm cat named Winter, I thought Autumn would be a good name for this one."

"I like that. Both the name and the 'we'."

Smiling, Nick leaned toward her, and she met him halfway for a kiss.

Saturday morning a week after Trey's trial, Nick woke just before sunrise to something flopping against his hip. Not quite ready to open his eyes, he reached carefully to see what had disturbed his slumber. When his fingers met with silky soft fur, he smiled. Autumn greeted him with a meow that was mostly purr. The thing flopping around was one of her kittens, which she had apparently decided to move onto his bed at some point in the middle of the night.

"See?" he asked the cat. "Isn't this better than that cold storage room?"

Yawning, Nick opened his eyes, blinking a few times to clear the sleep from them. A serenity that had been a stranger to him for much of the last two and a half months greeted him as beautifully as the first bloom of sunrise outside his window, and he took a moment to reflect on everything that had happened so he might better appreciate how he'd arrived at what he planned to do next.

In the eight days since the conclusion of Trey's trial, life had mostly returned to normal. Or rather, it had found a new normal with new promise for the future. Trey had been sentenced to four years in prison with the possibility of parole after two for good behavior. In lieu of a fine, the Holts had been strongly encouraged to donate money to the university—at Beth's suggestion—to start a sexual assault education program. The ten thousand they'd agreed to wouldn't even put a dent in their bank account, but Dean Harris was pleased and had already started putting the money to good use.

It was refreshing to return to the routine of attending classes and even better to drive out to Northstar with Beth every other afternoon to check on Autumn and her litter. With the daytime temperatures holding steady around ten degrees below freezing since the birth of her kittens, it hadn't taken much effort on Nick's part to convince the cat that life was better in the house.

Careful not to disturb his feline companion, he stretched and slid out of bed. He gave Autumn a quick pet, snatched his flannel off the post at the foot of his bed, and stuffed his arms into its sleeves as he headed downstairs. Unsurprisingly, his parents and his Hammond grandparents, who were in Northstar early for Thanksgiving, were already gathered around the dining room table with cups of coffee in hand. His grandparents were studying the pictures Dean Harris had taken of Nick and Beth in their Halloween costumes. Nick poured himself a cup of coffee and joined his family at the table.

"I can't believe how much you look like Nicholas in this shot," his grandmother remarked, holding up a photograph for his inspection.

Indeed, if it had been black and white, he might have mistaken himself for his namesake. "Thanks again for letting me borrow the uniform and gear, Grandpa. I know it has a lot of sentimental value for you, and I promise you, I took good care of it."

"I knew you would," Nicholas replied. "I wouldn't have let you use it otherwise. Makes me a little misty-eyed, if you must know, seeing you in it. And your girl there, she reminds me more than a little of your grandma, so I know she'll appreciate this."

Nick's heart beat a little faster when his grandfather held out his hand. "Are you sure about this?"

"We're as sure as you are," his Grandma Ruth replied. "And I know you. You don't make decisions like this unless you are absolutely certain."

He plucked the small, handcrafted wooden box from Nicholas's palm and reverently opened the lid. Inside, cushioned on sapphire velvet, was the diamond solitaire engagement ring his grandfather had given his beloved Ruth when he proposed the day he returned from Europe at the end of the war. The diamond was small, a testament to the tight economy of the time, but the gold band was elegant with its delicate filigree. His grandmother had worn it until their fortieth wedding anniversary when Nicholas had bought her the ring he hadn't been able to afford then. The sentimental value in the engagement ring, however, made it priceless, and Nick was honored that they had offered it to him.

"Now, what have you decided about a house? Are you still sure you'd rather build than take the foreman's house?" his father asked.

Nick nodded. "I promised Henry a long time ago that he could have the foreman's house. Besides, it's a bit smaller than I'd like... and after everything, I want to build our own place."

"Where are you thinking?"

"At the end of Aspen Creek Road. Up by that stand of aspen."

"Oh, that's a beautiful spot," Ruth sighed. "And it suits you."

Tracie stood abruptly and headed into the kitchen to start breakfast. Sensing that she was upset, Nick followed her. She had seemed so supportive of his plans when he'd discussed them with her and his father yesterday after dinner, but he now feared she may have changed her mind after thinking about it for a few hours.

"Mom?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

When she turned toward him, he saw the shine of tears. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I hope you don't think I doubt your feelings for Beth because I don't. With all this talk of rings and building houses...." She sighed raggedly. "It's just been a long couple of months, and you've changed. I thought I'd have more time."

"More time for what?"

"More time with my boy. But it's gone... that last flicker of boyhood. I couldn't be more proud of the man you've become, but I'm a mother, Nick, and it hurts to let go of my son."

He hugged her tightly. "You'll never have to, Mom. I'll always be right here."

"I know that, but you'll never be the same, never be my little boy again. You can't truly understand that now, but when you have kids and they grow up, you will." Tracie stepped back and hastily wiped under her eyes with her thumb. "Now, having said that, let's get you fed because Beth will be here in less than an hour, and I'm anxious to know for sure that she'll soon be as much a part of this family by law as she always has been in heart."

Rather than return to the table, he helped her with breakfast, and after everyone had eaten, he headed back up to his room with treats for Autumn. He dressed in several layers while his cat enjoyed her goodies, then gave her another quick pet before returning to the kitchen.

"What's the temperature outside?"

Tracie glanced out the window above the sink at the thermometer. "Ten degrees. Are you still sure you want to ride in this?"

"I'm not thrilled about the cold," he admitted, joining his mother at the window. Outside, the newly risen sun turned the powdery snow into dazzling diamond dust. "But it's too beautiful out to resist. I'm going to head out to saddle Rem and Journey, so would you send Beth out if I'm not back before she gets here?"

"You bet."

He grabbed the box with his grandmother's ring off the table, pressed a kiss to Ruth's cheek, and headed out to the barn, careful to settle the box safely in the zippered pocket of his Carhartt coat. The bay stallion—officially his as of this past Wednesday—stuck his head over his stall door and greeted Nick with a whinny.

"You aren't going to be so happy to see me when I drag you out of this nice warm barn into the cold, Rem," Nick greeted.

He hadn't even finished saddling Remington before the door of the barn open and Beth strolled through it.

"Morning, babe," she said, rising up on her toes to kiss him. "And good morning to you, too, Remington."

Knowing her way around his family's barn nearly as well as her own, Beth gathered the tack for Journey, a spirited paint gelding who had a soft spot for Beth about the size of the one Remington had for Nick. While they worked, Nick was again reminded of how effortlessly they moved together, and though he knew he should probably be nervous about asking her to marry him, he was only excited to take that first step toward spending the rest of their lives together.

"Do your parents think we're nuts for taking a pleasure ride in this?" he asked.

"Of course. I assume yours do, too."

"Not as much as you might think."

"It's probably terrible of me, but I'm glad to get out of the house. Mom won't stop fussing over me, and she keeps saying she's trying to soak up what she can because I've changed so much. She's says I'm not her little girl anymore and that she really realized it when I needed you more than her after the trial."

If the memory of his mother's tearful admission wasn't so fresh in his mind, Nick might have laughed at the coincidence. "I had that exact conversation with my mother this morning," he said. "I suppose they're right. We _have_ changed, and we won't ever be the same. Too much has happened. But that doesn't mean we won't be stronger for it and happier."

"I never would have thought I was strong enough to face Trey or testify at his trial until I had to. So I know you're right about that part at least. And I know you're right about the second part, too, because what we've been through together has given us a greater appreciation for what we have."

"Yes, it does," he agreed. Since they were finished saddling the horses, he pushed open one of the larger doors. "Let's get some fresh air."

"Do we have any particular destination in mind, or are we just going to ride where the wind takes us?"

"I have a destination. Something I want to show you."

They followed the fence line of Remington's pasture and cut across the wide-open hayfield beyond, then turned their horses onto Aspen Creek Road. They passed the foreman's house, which had sat empty most of Nick's life, then the house with rough wood siding and deep red trim with a commanding view of the ranch and the eastern Northstar Mountains that belonged to his Uncle James—the second oldest of Nicholas and Ruth's four sons after Nick's father. After James's house, the road dropped down to and crossed over Aspen Creek and rose again toward the aspen grove at its end. Leafless, their smooth black-flecked white trunks gleamed in in the sharp morning sunlight. A spot had been cleared and leveled for a house at some point in the past, and it was easy for Nick to envision the house he wanted to build for Beth.

They dismounted, and Nick walked her around the site, describing his vision.

"I know your grandparents plan to give you the house up behind the Bedspread Inn when you get married, but would you settle for building a house right here... with me?"

She glanced sharply at him. "What?"

"I know we've only been dating for a few weeks now, but I know how I feel about you will never change. I told you before that I'll wait as long as you need, but I want you to be certain that I _will_ wait."

Pulling off his right glove, he unzipped his pocket and took out the ring box.

She removed her gloves and took the box with trembling fingers. When she opened it, she asked, "Is that... your grandmother's ring? The first one?"

"Yes, it is. She and Grandpa Nicholas offered it to me. For you. You've always been in my life, and I want to keep you in it for the rest of it... as my best friend and as my wife. Marry me, Beth."

Without a moment's hesitation, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Yes. Unreservedly yes! Just make sure when you build our house that we have enough room for all the Winters and Autumns and Remingtons we're sure to find." She laughed, and it was the most incredible sound he'd ever heard and so much sweeter for having been so rare in the weeks following the rape. "Cats, dogs, horses, kids... I want them all. With you."

* * * * *

# Epilogue

Blissful warmth radiated from the roaring fire in John and Tracie Hammond's living room fireplace, but it was the warmth of love that Beth felt most keenly. As was tradition, Beth was helping her mother-in-law decorate for Christmas while they cooked Thanksgiving dinner. Her husband was outside helping his father split enough firewood for the afternoon and evening, and she glanced periodically out the window at him.

Nick had been absolutely right that waiting to make love until their wedding night would make it that much more exciting. The two years of their engagement while they built their house together at the end of Aspen Creek Road had kindled a fire so insatiable that it was still burning bright four years after their wedding. With each passing year, it only intensified, finding new fuel as their love and appreciation for one another deepened.

Her face heated as thoughts of what she wanted to do with him tonight when they went home danced delightfully through her mind. Tracie glanced at her and must have noticed the direction of her thoughts because she shook her head with a bemused smile.

"I'm glad to see the passion is still blazing," Nick's mother remarked. "And knowing that, I'm surprised it took you two so long to start working on my first grandbaby."

Beth skimmed her fingers absently over her growing belly and smiled fondly. "We decided long before our wedding to take our time and enjoy every step of the way."

"I know from experience that when you get to be my age you'll be glad you did. It took John and me four years, too, before we decided to have Nick, and I think our marriage has been stronger for the time we had with just each other. I also believe we appreciate our sons all the more for it." Tracie started draping lights around the tree. "I know you're planning to wait until dinner to break the news, but I'm dying to know what you found out yesterday."

"The Hammond curse has struck again. We're having a boy."

"You're sure?"

"He showed it off pretty proudly this time," Beth replied with a laugh. "Sorry we got your hopes up when he didn't cooperate two weeks ago."

"Don't be sorry. You'll love having a son. I would have loved to have had a girl, but I adore my boys, and raising them has been one grand adventure after another. I wouldn't trade even a second of it." Tracie draped an arm around Beth's shoulders. "Especially now that I have such a beautiful daughter-in-law."

A buzzer went off in the kitchen, and Tracie excused herself to go check on the turkey. Beth set the string of mini-lights she'd been untangling on the arm of the Hammonds' couch and stepped over to the big bay window. She gazed out at her husband, as mesmerized as ever by his enticing grace and power as he swung the ax. Her initial appreciation of his body had only been heightened by her intimate familiarity with it and even more by her pregnancy, and just when she thought she couldn't possibly love him anymore, this new life had given her another reason and another way along with the promise of an entirely new adventure.

As with everything else in their relationship, she was in no hurry for April to arrive. She was excited to meet their son, but she was enjoying each and every day too much to wish they would go by faster.

The rape had changed her, she knew. She was quieter and more thoughtful but also stronger and more confident. Some might say the rape had stolen her innocence, but she believed differently. It had, once she'd healed from it, shaped her into a self-possessed woman capable of appreciating the good in her life on a level she couldn't have before. The girl she'd been before would have impatiently counted down the days until her child was due, but the woman she was now knew how to cherish each moment, and she could say with complete honesty that she was happy with whom she'd become.

She and Nick had bumped into Trey a few times in the last few years, and other than the stress lines that had begun to show in his face, Trey hadn't changed a bit. The first time they'd seen him had been right after he was paroled early shortly after they'd returned from their New Zealand honeymoon. He'd tried to taunt her by saying he was still waiting for round two, but his words had bounced off the cocoon that her love for Nick and his for her had woven around her. She'd felt nothing at Trey's insults—not fear or shame or even annoyance. Well, that wasn't entirely correct. She'd been amused by the shock on this face when Nick had told him, _Do yourself a favor and stay very far away from my wife._

Beth was very well aware that it wasn't the insinuated threat that surprised him but rather the words _my wife_. He'd glanced between them with eyes rounded and brows raised. So far, he'd obeyed and left them both entirely alone. The few other times they'd seen him since, he'd only glared in their direction.

Neither Trey nor his parents had apologized for the rape and harassment, but she hadn't expected them to. And honestly, she didn't need an apology. None of it mattered anymore. He was her past, the antagonist in a chapter of her life that had been concluded and closed, and she had stepped away from it to fully embrace her life with Nick.

A gust of frigid air swirled into the living room as her husband stepped through the front door with an armload of firewood. He stacked it in the rack near the fireplace, brushed snow and bits of bark off himself, and gathered Beth into his arms.

"Hi, gorgeous," he murmured before he ducked his head to kiss her.

Their son stirred from his nap at the sound of his father's voice, and Beth laughed softly. "You woke him up."

"Sorry, love."

Though the tone of his voice wasn't remotely apologetic, she said, "Don't be. It's incredible to feel him move."

When she took Nick's hand and settled it over the spot where their son was currently nudging her, the most beautiful smile softened his face. It was one of amazement and adoration. She tilted her head and studied him, and her love for him and for everything he'd given her nearly overwhelmed her, so she threaded her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. Familiar contentment enveloped her when he tucked his arms around her and held her close.

The front door opened again, but Beth didn't look to see who it was, figuring it was her father-in-law bringing in more wood.

"It's nice to see nothing has changed between you two."

Grinning, Beth lifted her head and looked over her shoulder. Michelle stood just inside, brushing snow from her jacket. Beth let go of her husband to embrace their friend and welcome her back to Northstar.

"Well, almost nothing has changed," Michelle remarked. "You're getting quite a bump there, Beth. You're a little past the halfway mark now, aren't you?"

"Yep. Twenty-two weeks. Where's Sam?" she asked.

"Right here," Michelle's husband replied, walking inside with an armload of logs. "Thought I'd give John a hand."

After he'd stacked his load, he hugged Beth and shook Nick's hand.

"It's so good to see you both again!" Michelle said. "I'm sorry we haven't been down this way to see you in so long, but the beginning of the school year is always so crazy."

"Hey, congratulations again on the job, Sam," Nick said. "How's it going so far?"

"I love it," Sam replied. "Sometimes I still really miss the ranch, but so far, I'm really enjoying teaching. And since I'm teaching ag, it feels like the ranch is never far from my heart."

"That was too bad about your land," Beth said. She recalled how heartbroken he'd been when his parents had ended up divorcing and, in a heated battle over their property, had finally decided to toss the towel in on the whole thing. "But it sounds like selling off the ranch is turning out to be the best thing for you."

Sam nodded. "Sometimes the things that seem like a terrible blow end up opening the door for something so much better."

Beth looked up at her husband and took his hand, smiling. "I agree with that one hundred percent."

"Is that Sam and Michelle I hear?" Tracie called from the kitchen.

"Hi, Tracie," Michelle replied. "Thank you again for having us."

Nick's mother joined them in the living room for a moment to embrace Sam and Michelle and to say hello. "I'm glad you came. You know you're both always welcome here, so I expect to see you both a lot more now that you're living in Butte."

"Yes, ma'am," Sam replied with a laugh. "That shouldn't be a problem here soon. We close on that cabin up the road behind the Bedspread Inn on the twelfth of December, so not quite two weeks left. Your son wasn't the only thing in Northstar Michelle fell in love with. She fell in love with Northstar itself... and so have I."

"Which cabin are you buying? There are a few up there."

"The one just north of the house that was going to be mine," Beth replied. "The one with the red roof."

"Oh, I know which one you're talking about now. Sits on forty acres, right?"

"Yep. I know it's probably a bit much for a simple vacation home, but we wanted enough room for a couple horses," Sam said. "And plenty of space for kids to run."

He glanced at his wife, and the same smile that had graced Nick's face not ten minutes ago now spread over his. Michelle lowered her gaze but not before Beth caught sight of a shy grin.

"I know those smiles," she remarked. "So out with the real news."

Michelle's face reddened, confirmation of what Beth suspected, and a moment later, she said, "Yes, Beth, I'm pregnant. Due in early August."

Beth hugged her tightly. "Congratulations!"

"That's wonderful!" Tracie said without waiting for Beth to step back before she too embraced Michelle. "I am so happy for you! Congratulations are definitely in order... for both the baby and the house."

After Tracie left them to check on dinner again, they gathered around the Christmas tree, and worked on decorating it while they chatted. Beth was amused to note that Sam and Michelle were every bit as goofy and infatuated with each other as she and Nick were, and thought again that everything had turned out for the best. She stepped back to watch the other couple flirt, pulling Nick behind her and folding his arms around her. When he lowered his head to press his lips to the curve of her neck with his hands knitted loosely around her belly, she leaned her head back against his shoulder and sighed happily.

"You were right," she murmured. "This is where I belong. Right here in your arms where I'm safe and happy and loved."

"You are most definitely loved," he whispered. "Always have been and always will be."

* * * * *

Thank you for reading _First Instinct_. I hope you've enjoyed it! If you have, please...

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1. Help other readers discover it by leaving an honest, spoiler-free review.

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All done? Turn the page for a sneak peek of the next book in the Northstar series, _Mountain Angel_!
MOUNTAIN ANGEL

_A Northstar Novel_

Now available!

**A strong-willed woman, a heart-weary deputy, and a cozy mountain cabin. What could possibly go wrong... or right? Aelissm Davis and Pat O'Neil are about to find out.**

* * *

A talented crafter in a male-dominated field, Aelissm is perfectly capable of managing her own affairs, but when it comes to an obsessive friend, she may be in over her head. When returning home to Northstar doesn't get her point across, she swallows her pride and calls in reinforcements. Unfortunately, her meddling uncle's solution—send his best deputy "on vacation" to protect her—could be an even bigger complication. With sad eyes and a gentle heart, Deputy O'Neil is definitely that.

* * *

For three years, Pat has buried himself in his work to get past a violent relationship, and it hasn't done him any good. Maybe this assignment to protect his boss's niece will give him the perspective he needs. Aelissm is an irresistible breath of fresh mountain air and like no woman he's ever met, but as his heart learns how to breathe again, her past entwines with his and trouble comes knocking. Will she let him do his job, or will her stubborn independence put them both in danger?

**_Chapter One_**

Any day that involved closing a case or didn't involve opening a new one was a good day. By that rule, today had been a good day, but from the moment he'd opened his eyes with that long-familiar tension coiled tightly in his neck, nothing else about today had been particularly agreeable. It was just one of those days that had no reason to be bad beyond the inexplicable fog of depression. Pat was eager to go home, fix himself something for dinner, sit on his well-worn couch with a book, and wait for the day to be over.

He was just getting ready to head out the door when a request from his boss put his grandiose plans on hold.

"Pat, meet me in my office in a minute."

_Pat_ , his boss had called him, not _O'Neil._ Whatever Bill Granger wanted to discuss, it was personal. Anxiety curled more tightly in his gut. One subject had been flirting with his mind all day, and he had no desire to be dragged down that road right now. On a good day, a trip down that bleak alley was a painful experience, but on a day like today, such a trip would leave him exhausted and incapable of doing more than pulling the covers of his bed over himself with a prayer that sleep would relieve him from the bitter memories and empty stomach.

To pass the time, Pat studied the photographs in Bill's office. In a log frame on the wall behind the desk was a poster-sized photograph of a two-story cabin illuminated by filtered rays of golden sunlight. The structure was nearly an A-frame, but the peak was not as steep as the sides. In other photographs, Pat recognized Bill's incredible, dark-haired wife and his sister and brother-in-law. There was a new picture of a beautiful young woman with strawberry-blonde hair and striking, deep green eyes wearing a DayGlo orange vest and matching stocking hat. There was a rifle slung over her shoulder and a triumphant smile on her face as she knelt beside a magnificent four-point whitetail buck. She gripped the antlers with long, graceful fingers to hold the animal's head up for the camera. Pat knew she was his boss's niece and had seen her face smiling from a multitude of other photos, but he hadn't yet met her.

Pat turned his attention from the pictures to the matching pair of four-tiered, wrought-iron filing shelves. He hadn't seen them before. The craftsmanship was stunning and, along with the collection of rustic picture frames, did a lot to reduce the beige sterility of the room.

Bill's boisterous laughter rumbled through the closed door from the workroom. With his back to the door, Pat smiled as his boss entered noisily.

"Afternoon, Pat," was his greeting.

"Afternoon, Bill," Pat replied as the older man sat down behind his desk.

"Sorry about the delay, but Garrity made another smart remark about my age, so I had to remind him of how thoroughly I trounced him at racquetball over the weekend."

Pat chuckled. Bill was only fifty-three and still had the body he'd had during his enlistment in the navy. His rich brown hair was only starting to gray on the sides and in his short beard, and he looked anything but old.

"He'll learn one of these days," Pat remarked. He inclined his head toward the filing shelves. "Did your niece make those, too?"

"She did. She's had a lot more time to build since she went back to Montana." Bill paused to look at the photograph of his niece. "Her friend June took this picture and the one of my sister's cabin on the wall behind me. So, Pat, you don't have any plans tonight, do you?"

"No more than usual."

"Good. Mary wanted me to invite you over for dinner. She said something about not bothering to come home tonight unless I brought you with me."

Pat chuckled. "I suppose I shouldn't keep you from your wife's good cooking... not that you couldn't stand to miss a meal or two."

"Keep it up, smart ass." Bill opened one of the drawers on the desk and took out a manila envelope. "See you at the house?"

Pat nodded and left.

As he drove to Bill's house, he decided that an evening with Bill and Mary was the perfect medicine for his ailments. So long as _that_ subject wasn't broached. However, Mary was always careful to steer Bill clear of it, especially on days like this one. As much as he didn't like talking about that weekend three years ago or the miserable months leading up to it, he knew he'd have been lost if Bill and Mary Granger hadn't been there to pull him back from the proverbial cliff's edge. As it was, he still wasn't too many steps back from it.

"Pat, welcome!" Mary greeted him with a warm hug when he arrived at the Grangers' modest house on the bluff overlooking the Indianola beach. "I'm so glad you came."

_So am I,_ he thought. "Can I help with anything?"

"No. Everything's ready. We'll just wait for Bill to get home. He called a few minutes ago to say he was leaving. Would you like anything to drink? Beer? Wine? Juice?"

"Water would be fine, Mary," he replied.

He followed her through the house to the back deck. The handiwork of Bill's niece was everywhere. More frames of weathered wood, like those on Bill's desk at the sheriff's department, hung on the walls, filled with family photos and more of his sister's cabin in Montana. Walking through the Grangers' home was a stroll through a Rocky Mountain dream. Mary dabbled in interior design as a hobby, and she'd put the rustic furniture and decorations to perfect uses. Her house could have graced the pages of a magazine devoted to Western living.

Pat would love to meet Bill's niece someday. Bill had tried to introduce them in the past, but work, school, distance, or something else had always prevented it. Admiring her work, he got the sense that she was dedicated, driven, and artistic but also giving, loyal, and he suspected a little stubborn. Any woman who chose to make her living in a field that traditionally belonged to men was no soft lady to take what life handed her.

Pat followed Mary outside to the deck. Below him, the tide washed up the broad sand spit, reaching toward the rocks farther up the shore. The old ferry dock stretched far out into the glassy ripples beneath a cloudless sky and to his left, Seattle glinted in the distance, bathed in the rich golden light of the westering sun. It was a rare, perfect March day laden with the promise of the warmer months to come.

"Oh, I wanted to ask," Mary said. "Do you know if Shannon got the birthday present we sent? It was supposed to be there yesterday, but I haven't had a chance to call your mom to ask. I'm sorry it was late, but it took longer than we expected to ship."

"It was waiting for her when she and Mom got home from Seattle. She loved it."

"Did you change your mind and meet them?"

Pat shook his head. "No, but I talked to Mom yesterday. I still can't believe my little sister is seventeen already."

"Neither can I, but I can't believe you'll be twenty-nine in a few more months, either. It doesn't seem like so long ago that your father was more excited about your birth than graduating from college." Mary smiled fondly and patted his hand.

"Are you calling me old, Mary?"

She laughed. "Indeed not. You're just a pup. I'm calling _me_ old. Was Shannon disappointed you didn't go?"

"No. I think she understands."

Mary hesitated a moment, then said quietly, "I'm glad Bill convinced you to come work for the sheriff's department. I think you're happier here than you would have been if you'd stayed with the Seattle PD."

"It's certainly a much quieter job. Grandpa Antony says the Kitsap Peninsula fits me better, and he's right." Pat smiled fondly. "He was so proud that I'd seized the opportunity to become a detective and glad that I was happy."

If Mary noticed how his voice hitched on the last word, she didn't say anything. Instead, she pointed out the beach party below them. A group of teenagers had broken away from the bonfire and were now racing across the sand toward the water's approaching edge, followed by a black lab, a border collie mix, and two smaller mutts. Their excited, carefree voices rang wonderfully in the still evening, and Pat's depression slipped away.

Bill arrived a scant twenty minutes later to find his wife and Pat laughing uproariously at the antics of the teenagers and dogs.

"Glad to see your mood's improved, Pat," Bill remarked as he joined them.

"Your wife is a charming woman," Pat said. "I can't help myself."

"She certainly is."

Mary went back inside, leaving them to talk. Dread wormed its way back into the pit of Pat's stomach. There was nothing overly prodding about Bill's demeanor, but Pat suspected his enjoyable evening was about to head in a direction he didn't want to go.

"Before you give me your usual, evasive responses, hear me out."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Absolutely not." Bill took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "You're regressing. Over the last few months, I've watched you slide back down into the pit. I'd be willing to bet a large sum of money that you've had as many bad days as good in the last three months. That worries me, Pat. You've worked too hard to recover from Sara."

And there it was.

"I want you to take a vacation."

"I'm fine, Bill."

"I'd be more convinced by the truth, and we both know that isn't it."

"C'mon, Bill. It's been a long, wet, gray winter. Everyone's been—"

The look Bill gave him—brows lifted, mouth flat—silenced him.

"There's a trend here, Pat. Every time something reminds you of Sara, you have one of these days after. What did you see, hear, or do yesterday that reminded you of her?"

"My mother mentioned her. First time I've talked to my mother in two months, and _she_ came up. She always does."

"What do you mean, _mentioned her_?"

"Mom thought I should be warned, but I wish she hadn't told me. Apparently, yesterday when she took Shannon shopping for prom in Seattle, they bumped into Sara at the mall. She asked how I've been."

"That little...." Bill shook his head. "I'm sorry, Pat. I shouldn't be dragging you through this tonight. It just makes me so angry. What you need is a good woman like my niece to show you Sara isn't worth any of the pain she's caused you." He cleared his throat, and Pat sensed he was stalling. "My niece is the other reason I wanted you to come to dinner tonight."

Pat sat back in his chair and gaped. The situation had suddenly gone from depressing to absurd. "Oh, no. They've finally gotten to you, haven't they? Listen, I'm sure she's a very nice girl, but..."

Bill's laughter rang out in the still evening air. He kept laughing until his eyes glittered wetly. "You think that's what I'm trying to do? You really know how to bring a man to tears, Pat." He wiped beneath his eyes, still chuckling. "I'd bet my niece would be a much better match for you than any woman anyone in the department can find, and as much as I'd love to have you legally a part of my family as a nephew, I'm afraid my reason for mentioning her is more serious."

Bill pulled the manila envelope out of his bag and handed it to Pat. On the cover was one of the more unique names he'd seen. He knew it was the name of Bill's niece, but Bill had always pronounced it like the flower alyssum when he wasn't calling her what sounded like "Allie."

Inside the envelope was what appeared to be a criminal file but less official. It included a sheet of personal data with the last known address, phone number—both of which were months out of date—the physical descriptions of the man, and a photo. Pat narrowed his eyes. There was something about the hazel eyes that hooked his attention, a contained fervor shimmering beneath a placid surface. The man had the look of someone who had spent his entire life reaching for something unattainable and had not yet realized the hopelessness of his endeavor. The longish, messy medium-brown hair was further evidence, but beneath the mop, the man could be called good-looking. What a pity. Behind the photo was a copy of a restraining order. There were a few more pages, but Pat shifted his attention for the time being back to Bill.

"What is this?" he asked.

"The biggest favor I'll ever ask of you. Aelissm called me two days ago. I told you that she moved back to Northstar but not why. Adam Winters—" Bill tapped the picture from the file. "—won't leave her alone. We filed a restraining order against him, and he's broken it, but he's off the grid. I can't find him to arrest him."

"So you want me to find him."

"Yes and no. There's more to it. The night Aeli's boyfriend, Brent Ellington died, he tried to rape her. Adam heard her scream, came to her rescue and started to strangle Brent. Aeli ran out. Brent died a few hours later of a burst aneurysm, possibly brought about by being throttled, but there's no way to prove that. A neighbor saw Brent stumbling back to his apartment later that night. She thought he was drunk, and he was. By that time, Adam was long gone, so Brent was still alive after Adam left. The landlord found Brent's body in the morning when he entered the apartment for a routine testing of the smoke alarms. It's a mess."

"Sounds like it."

"Anyhow, a copy of the statements and records of Brent's death are in the back there, along with the statements Aeli gave to get the restraining order and what she dictated to me over the phone the day before yesterday." Bill paused and took a deep breath. "Adam has had a thing for her since they met a couple years ago. At first, she was flattered, and I thought he would have been a better match for her. Until this mess happened, I liked him. I still want to like him because I think he's a good man beneath it all, but something snapped that night. He's become obsessed with her."

"Obsessed how?"

"Calling her, writing her letters, and proclaiming his love for her. A couple times, she arrived home to find him sitting on her couch."

"Sounds like a bit of a creep."

"I hate to say it, but yes. She changed her number a couple times, and when she decided she had no desire to finish her master's degree in Seattle, she moved in with her parents here in Indianola for a few months, but he didn't get the message."

"And now she's in Northstar. How did that come about?"

"Her grandparents called about six months ago and asked if she was interested in taking over operations of their inn. Her grandmother also works at the local post office, and the inn is getting to be too much work. She said yes, and the move has been good for her because she enjoys the work at the inn and the blacksmithing class she teaches one night a week at the college in Devyn, and she's been able to unwind. Until Adam called her two nights ago."

"So, how do I fit in to all this?"

"This is your vacation. I want you to go to Montana, take a couple months to relax and clear your head. And, while you're at it, find anything you can about Adam Winters and protect my niece if the need arises."

Pat considered Bill's request, then laughed. "Good one, Bill. You almost had me, what with the file and the story."

Bill's eyes hardened. "I wish to God this was a joke. There isn't much Aeli can't do, but when she told me Adam had called again, she was in tears. I don't trust anyone else to do this, Pat, and even if I did, I'm not kidding about wanting you to take a break. You need to get away for a while, take a step back, and forget about Sara."

"It's not that simple, Bill."

"I understand that. I also know that working yourself half to death hasn't done you a bit of good. I'm hoping a good, long vacation away from everything that reminds you of her will succeed where distraction has failed."

"I suppose you have it all figured out," Pat said sharply. He winced. He hadn't meant that to come out so harshly.

"You'll stay with Aelissm, of course. She could probably use a little extra help at the Bedspread, and it would give you something to do." Bill held Pat's gaze for a moment. "I love you both. I hate to see either of you struggling."

"How long do you expect me to stay there?"

"As long as necessary, on both counts, even if I have to pay you out of my own pocket."

Pat sat back in his chair, stunned. This was one hell of a favor, and he wasn't sure if he was up to the challenge. He glanced at Bill, saw the silent plea in the older man's gaze, and considered it. He very briefly thought about turning Bill down, but his boss—his _friend_ —had done a lot for him over the years.

"Do you need a day to think about it?"

Pat shook his head. "I'll do it. And I'm sure you're right that I should get away for a while. Maybe it _will_ help."

Bill scribbled some notes on a piece of paper and stuffed it in the file. "All right, then. It's all here. We've notified the local law enforcement about the restraining order, so if you _do_ find Adam, he can be dealt with legally. Aaron Hammond lives in the valley and is a sheriff's deputy, so if you need any help, call him. I've included his contact information in the file as well as all the numbers for the Devyn Police Department and the county sheriff's office. I really hope you won't need any of it. I keep hoping Adam will come to his senses and just leave Aelissm alone."

Mary's return with dinner brought an end to their head-spinning conversation. They talked about other things while they ate, but as Pat listened and talked and laughed with his friends, his thoughts were focused on what he might be facing and how he could best tackle the task. It was... refreshing.

"I really appreciate this, Pat," Bill said as Pat was leaving. "You have no idea what peace of mind I'll have knowing you're there with Aeli."

Pat nodded and tucked the file under his arm. He leaned down to embrace Mary and thank her for dinner. As he drove away, he began to wonder what he'd gotten himself into. When he got home, he picked up his road atlas and glanced at the notes Bill had scribbled as he studied the map of Montana. There it was, a tiny dot in the southwest corner of the state. The nearest town of any size was Devyn to the east with a population that nearly matched its elevation of just over five thousand feet. Beyond that, the closest city was Butte, many miles more to the north. His eyes traveled back to the little dot that would be his home for the next little while.

"Northstar, here I come," he sighed. Then he chuckled as he recalled the picture of Bill's niece with her buck. "Looks like someday is just around the corner. It'll be nice to finally meet you, Aelissm Davis."

"Uncle Bill, I didn't want you to send me a protector. That's the last thing I need."

"Then you shouldn't have called me."

"You're wasting his time." Aeli glanced at her friend, rolled her eyes, and sighed. "When I called you the other night, I only wanted to let you know Adam had called me again. That's all."

"You're not fooling anyone, Aelissm, except maybe yourself."

"I don't know how Adam got the phone number here, but he can't find me. Hell, Unk, _you_ couldn't find this place last summer, and you've been here before."

"You thought Adam wouldn't find you when you moved to your parents' house, too, remember?"

"Yes, but—"

"Humor me, Aelissm."

"I don't need someone to watch over me like I'm a child."

"I know you can take care of yourself, Aeli darling, but Adam is not the same man he used to be." Her uncle sighed, and she pictured him sitting in his recliner at home, massaging his temples. "I chose Pat because I trust him and because I know he can protect you. Knowing he's there will ease my old heart."

"Old? Ha!"

"I'm serious."

"I know you are. All right, fine. It might be nice to have a man around."

Bill laughed. "I know that tone. You're a devil, you know that?"

"Yep. Anything else?"

"Yes, actually. Make sure Pat relaxes while he's there."

"Will he be here on vacation or to protect me, Unk? Because that seems a little contradictory."

"Both. He went through a bad break up a few years ago and hasn't given himself the chance to get past it, so I'm using one stone to kill two birds."

"A bad break up, huh? You're not playing matchmaker again, are you?"

"No, but it certainly wouldn't break my heart if the two of you got together."

"Uh-huh."

"Just make sure he gets some rest while he's there, will you?"

"I'll see what I can do. Well, I should probably get off this thing. I don't want to run up June's phone bill."

"All right. Love you, Aeli Girl."

"Love you, too, Unk. G'night."

She set the cordless phone back in its cradle and glanced at her friend, who sat on the couch with her scrawny, twelve-year-old foster son, Luke, curled up beside her. It amazed Aelissm how much their lives had changed in the last year. And yet, here they were, together in Northstar again. Suddenly, she was very grateful her grandparents had asked her to start taking over management of the Bedspread Inn because, until she'd returned to Northstar six months ago, she hadn't realized just how much she'd needed to come here. The utter peacefulness of the remote valley was such a welcome relief to the constant pulse of Seattle. Besides, this was _home_.

She flopped on June's matching love seat and exhaled.

"I take it Uncle Bill is sending one of his detectives over?" June asked.

"Yeah. Patrick O'Neil."

"O'Neil? As in...?"

"The son of Uncle Bill and Aunt Mary's friends from college, yes."

"Why do I get the feeling Uncle Bill is meddling again?"

"Because he probably is. You know Unk."

June glanced at Luke and smiled fondly. "Yes, I do. When's your bodyguard supposed to get here?"

"Most likely in the next couple days. I don't need someone to protect me."

"Maybe you do."

June's tendency for being right was sometimes very aggravating, Aeli mused, but it was also nice to be slapped with the truth now and again. She'd thought that coming out here, to Northstar, would end her problems with Adam, and for a pleasant six months, it had. Then, two days ago, he'd called her parents' cabin. She'd held the phone against her ear with a trembling hand, frightened beyond words at the sound of his voice. _Just leave me alone_ , she'd finally told him. Then she'd hung up. Running away never solved the problem, she thought, only postponed it.

"It's almost like old times, isn't it?" June asked. "Back in college when we used to sit up in your cabin, reading and snacking on Spaghetti-O's while it snowed."

Aelissm smiled, and some of the tension she hadn't realized was binding her shoulders slipped away. "Those were good times."

"Grandma Davis told me about you singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs," Luke said.

"While we were out chopping wood," Aeli remarked. She tried not to look surprised that he'd spoken, but the boy was usually so quiet that it was hard not to. "I guess we were making a bit of a racket."

"I like it up here," the boy said.

June pulled her fingers through the boy's blond hair. Aelissm wondered, as she often did, what had possessed June to agree to Uncle Bill's plea that she take him. Luke was a good kid—very quiet, well behaved, and disturbingly tidy—but June wasn't even twenty-five yet. A little voice in the back of Aeli's mind retorted rather coldly, _What possessed you to go out with Brent?_ It wasn't a question she was willing to ponder. _Chalk it up to a disastrous lack of judgment_ , she told herself, _and leave it at that._

"I should have known Unk would do something like this," Aelissm muttered. "Poor Deputy O'Neil is in for a shock when he sees where I live. I swear, if he complains about the lack of creature comforts, I'll strip him down to his birthday suit and leave him out in the snow."

"Aeli, it's really not nice to judge people before you've met them," June said. When Aeli opened her mouth to object, her friend held a finger up for silence. "But if he complains, I'll help."

"You've got a deal. Now, I don't know about you, but watching a movie sounds dull. How about we go take a dip in the hot springs?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. Luke, run upstairs and get your swim trunks."

The boy nodded and leapt off the couch. He raced across the living room, skidded around the snack bar and counter that divided the kitchen from the living room, and bounded up the spiral stairs. Aeli shook her head and chuckled. "He's a cute little monkey, I'll give him that."

"Yes, he is. You know, Aeli, I've been thinking."

"That's dangerous."

June frowned at her but continued. "I want to adopt him."

The flood of maternal warmth surprised Aeli, but June's admission didn't. She and Luke had built an incredible bond in just eight months, so unbelievably like that of a mother and her child despite the circumstances. It wasn't just the golden hair and blue eyes. Luke _looked_ like her son and had already shown a lot of the same characteristics, right down to June's quirky sense of humor and uncanny intuition.

Aelissm shook off the tingle of envy. What had happened to them, to their promise that neither of them would ever have kids until they were ready or be dependent on a man? Life happened, Aeli thought. Yes, they were still young, and though she often scorned girls her age who already had children, she found it harder and harder to deny that she envied the wives and the mothers. When she'd told Uncle Bill that it would be nice to have a man around, she hadn't been entirely joking.

"Hey, June, why don't you call Aaron and Henry? They always like hanging out with us."

"Yeah, because they still have the naïve hope that we might yet go out with them."

"It's not naïve. It could happen."

"Please, Aelissm. If I were to go for one of the Hammond boys, it would have been Nick, but I don't date married men."

"And sweet Beth is about to pop," Aeli muttered. "Yeah. Henry's still too much of a partier, and Aaron.... Well, he's just not my type."

"Do you even have a type?"

"Not yet. Get your damned suit, and I'll call them. With Luke around, they won't dare try anything scandalous."

She picked up the phone she'd abandoned moments ago and June's Northstar Directory. With her thumb hovering over the buttons of the cordless handset, she stared at her own name, then at her phone number. Outside of the valley and the directory, only her parents, Uncle Bill, her father's brother in Ohio, and June's mother and stepfather knew the cabin number. Anyone else wishing to contact her were given her grandparents' number. They hadn't mentioned any suspicious phone calls before they'd left for Ohio two weeks ago. What if Adam had somehow gotten hold of the directory? Panic raged like a blizzard through her veins. The only way he could have gotten one was from someone who lived in Northstar. What if he was in the valley right now, looking for her?

Stubbornly, Aelissm straightened her spine and refused to give in to her wild thoughts. This valley was a very close community, and anyone out of place quickly became the subject of the grapevine. If Adam was here, she would have heard about it. Taking a slow, deep breath and letting it out even more slowly, Aelissm reasoned that she was just jittery from his phone call the other night. He'd gotten the number from someone else. That had to be it. After all, he knew all of her friends in Washington, and breaking and entering didn't faze him in the least.

"Aeli, are you all right?" June asked, coming down the stairs. "You're shaking."

"I'm all right now. I just had a scare. I thought maybe Adam had somehow gotten hold of one of these," she replied, holding up the directory. "But I'm sure he must've found it a while ago. Maybe he picked it up from my apartment in Seattle or something."

"Are you sure you're all right?"

She nodded, then dialed Aaron Hammond. He wasn't home, and his twin brother Henry wasn't, either. Then she remembered. It was their mother's birthday today, so they were all probably down at the main house celebrating.

"That's okay. I didn't really want their company, anyhow."

June wrapped her arms around Aelissm. Aeli drew a ragged breath and assured her friend that she would be all right.

"Maybe Uncle Bill sending Mr. O'Neil will help," Luke said, joining them in the living room. "You know, maybe he'll be able to chase Adam away."

Aeli smiled and draped an arm around his narrow shoulders and around June's. "Let's go take a dip, shall we? Just the three of us. You don't mind two such gorgeous ladies as June and me hanging on your arms, do you Luke?"

He grinned. "I'll be the envy of the valley."

June reached over and ruffled his hair affectionately. She glanced at Aeli and asked, "So, what do you think?"

After nineteen years of friendship, she didn't have to ask what June was talking about. Aeli considered what June had said, about adopting Luke, and gazed at the boy. In just the eight short months he'd been here, he'd already come a long way. She glanced at June and nodded. "I think you should."

They climbed in June's pickup and drove up to Aeli's cabin so she could grab her swimsuit. When she opened the door to her cabin—which she rarely ever locked unless she was going to be out of the valley—she saw that there were two messages on her answering machine. She hit the play button. The first was from Bill, letting her know that Pat O'Neil was leaving early in the morning with plans to be in Northstar tomorrow evening. He reminded her to keep detailed notes of Adam's calls. He also recommended that she sign up for caller ID. The moment the second message started playing, Aelissm froze.

"What is your problem, Aelissm? You didn't have to talk to me like that the other night. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, and I didn't want Brent to die, but you don't care about that. You think I'm a monster now, but you're too much of a bitch to remember that he tried to hurt you, that I only hurt him to save you. Why can't you see how much I love you?"

The message ended, and Aeli stared at the machine. With that rough, desperate voice, he barely sounded like the Adam she knew. Shuddering, she picked up the note pad beside the phone and jotted down the time of the message, the date, and exactly what he'd said. Then she erased the messages, grabbed her swimsuit and a towel, and trotted back out to June's truck, locking the door behind her.

"He called again," she told her friend as they drove down the mountain.

"Oh? What did he have to say?"

"More or less the same things he always says."

Twenty minutes later, Aelissm slid into the soothing embrace of hot water in the Ramshorn's larger pool. She and June and Luke were the only people in the pools, and she was grateful for the solitude. With a sigh, she settled on the steps, submerged in blissfully warm water up to her neck. She tilted her head back and stared skyward. Steam rose in drifting clouds beneath the blue-white light of the lamps around the pools, randomly obscuring and revealing the glittering stars. The night was crisp and fresh with all her favorite scents of home—pine, sagebrush, and snow. There were still almost six inches of the latter in places on the boardwalk around the pools, and Aelissm grabbed a handful and held it under water, amused by how it tickled as it quickly melted.

June joined her on the stairs and they watched Luke swim around for a while, silent.

_What's happened to me?_ Aelissm wondered. She'd never run from anything in her life until that night. Yet, here she was, hiding in a remote valley in Montana, terrified that Adam would find her. She could argue that she'd come home to Northstar to help her grandparents, but the truth was that she probably wouldn't have said yes to them if Adam wasn't breathing down her neck. She probably would have muscled her way through the last of her master's classes and continued on with her plan to teach at the college level. _At least I'm_ sort of _still on that path_ , she thought. _But one class isn't a full-time position, and I still have those classes to finish. When am I going to do that?_

"I'm scared, June, and I don't know what I'm going to do," she admitted. "I'm staring into a blank future."

Her friend looked at her with concern etched in her face. "Then maybe it really is good Bill is sending Pat. Having a big, strong man around might give you peace of mind or, if nothing else, a distraction."

"Maybe."

June smiled and returned her attention to her foster son. The boy was down at the deep end, hanging off the side to catch his breath.

"Let's fling him," Aeli said. "Hey! Luke! C'mere!"

Obediently, Luke swam back to the shallow end. June and Aelissm faced each other with their hands locked together underwater. The boy grinned and put his feet in the cradle, and they launched his small body skyward. He went in head first, then resurfaced, laughing.

Aelissm enjoyed herself, and slowly, the anxiety eased out of her. Everything would be all right. She had her best friend close by, good clean mountain air in her lungs, and two good jobs. Except for Brent's death and Adam's obsession with her, life was pretty good. She helped June launch Luke again and decided things could be a lot worse and would someday get better. Look at Luke. Eight months ago, after his father had been killed, Luke had been sickly, pale, and skittish, and now he was healthy and happy.

"He's still skinny, though," Aelissm murmured.

"Not because he doesn't eat," June remarked, watching the boy swim. "He's tiny now, but I'll bet he's going to be tall." She turned her eyes on her friend. "But that's not what you were thinking."

"No, I was just thinking that I'm glad I came back to Northstar. If I have to face Adam, I'd rather do it here."

* * * * *

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# About the Author

Suzie O'Connell is the _USA Today_ bestselling author of the Northstar romances. The series is the product of a love affair with Southwestern Montana that began with a two-week adventure at her stepsister's rustic cabin in her teens. That love affair shows no sign of abating.

She has been writing stories for as long as she can remember, and her love of writing and of Montana pushed her to earn a Bachelor of Arts in Literature and Writing from the University of Montana-Western. What else would you expect from a self-professed mountain-loving nerd?

When she isn't writing, you'll probably find Suzie in the mountains with a camera in hand and enjoying the beauty of Montana with her husband Mark, their daughter Maddie, and their golden retriever Reilly.

Don't forget to sign up for Suzie's newsletter to be notified of new releases, enter drawings and contests, read exclusive snippets of forthcoming books, and more.

For more information about Suzie and her books, find her online:

www.suzieoconnell.com

suzie@suzieoconnell.com

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