Hi guys, welcome to the class, we are back
to school, yippee! Are you wondering why are
we in school today? Well that's because I
saw you bunking some important lessons in
school, yes and those lessons will be learned
today. I know, I know you were doing all naughty
things that time and that made you bunk some
important lesson, I know. Okay don’t over
think guys, I know this is too much drama
but I think we should do some drama sometimes.
So we all know that school is the place where
we gain the major chunk of our education,
but sadly there are certain essential skills
that are not taught at schools and in this
session today I've got for you five essential
skills like empathy, conflict resolving skills,
asking questions, negotiating, body language
and listening skills that we were not taught
in our schools by our teachers. But these
skills are extremely important for the real
world and by real world I mean the practical
world where you need practical skills. For
example skills to operate at your workplace,
at your college or with your network of friends
and colleagues. So as you already know you're
watching me on Skillopedia, the place to learn
skills for the real world and let's get started,
my name is Michelle. So here is a cheat sheet
to the five essential skills that your school
missed teaching you and how you can cultivate
these skills now.
Well the first skill for the day. Why don't
you try and guess the name of the skill? Okay,
here you go, “She is always sitting in the
corner, that's why no one likes her, even
I don't like her and I don't know why she
always sad, I won't go and talk to her.”
Aha! This was harsh. Could you guess, which
is this skill that our school hasn't taught
us? Well this child did not show any empathy
towards her classmate. But what is empathy?
So empathy is the ability to understand and
share the feelings of another person. Basically
it means to put yourself in someone's shoe,
whether it fits you or not, but try to feel
what they are feeling. So this is one skill
that we are not taught in our school. Now
the question is, how to show empathy towards
someone and how to use it as a tool for building
relationships? So step one is, ‘to be present
for the person and hear their side of the
story’. Step two is ‘when you hear someone's
story, see it from their point of view, do
not judge what's right or what's wrong’.
Just listen to their emotions. Step 3 ‘ask
questions to understand them better, give
encouragement and offer to help if possible’.
Okay now the second skill for you to guess,
here we go, “You broke my pencil.” “That's
because you didn't return my eraser.” “I'm
gonna talk to you, you are so mean, go away.”
Could you guess which skill is this? Well
this is a bomb-disposal skill which we call
as ‘conflict resolving’. So conflicts
are so common in our lives just like you saw
one now and conflict is a serious argument
or disagreement that you can have with someone
over a matter. Now conflicts aren't avoidable,
are they? But resolving them is possible.
So this is another skill that is ignored in
our school and that's why the person you had
a disagreement with in grade eight, almost
became your enemy when you passed out from
the school. Okay, well that's happened with
me though. Now the best way to resolve conflict
is first, ‘respond but never react’. So
responding to the situation means you keep
emotions in control and focus on the problem
not the person. Let's say your colleague,
let's say you found out that your colleague
complained about your late coming to the boss.
Now here is a conflict. You're quite angry.
So the first thing is respond to it by coming
on time and don't react by shouting on them.
So that's the difference. Second you should
let the other person know that you want to
come to an agreement, so in this case you
will talk to your colleague and resolve the
matter before it escalates or before it increases.
Third, clearly and quietly communicate what
you want from the situation. So here you could
respectfully go to your colleague and tell
them not to interfere in your personal decisions,
fantastic.
Now let's guess the fourth skill, “Yes ma'am
I know that answer, I will answer to this
question.” “What do you ask me?” “I
know the answer.” We often say that in school.
Well I never asked too many questions because
I didn't know if the answers were right. Okay,
so I think you must have got it now I'm talking
about, ‘asking questions’. Yes a good
communicator is not somebody who has all the
answers, but someone who has good questions
in order to keep the interaction going. So
a great way to ask good questions is to ask
questions that could lead to interesting answers.
To do that you should keep your questions
open-ended. By that I mean you should ask
questions that cannot be answered yes, that
cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.
But questions that require a detailed answer
and this will add spice to your conversations
and keep your conversations going. For example
you could ask, “What are you planning to
do immediately after your graduation?” Instead
of saying, “Are you graduating in April?”
Which would be usually answered as, “Yes.”
Or, “No.”
Okay, now here is for you to guess the next
skill. “Can you give me that cookie?”
“Yes but It’s 400 bucks.” “Okay but
my mama gave me only 50.” “Okay, take
it for 50 but give me the rest tomorrow.”
“Okay this is such an expensive cookie,
it must be delicious.” Oh! Do you think
this child knows how to negotiate? Well I
think he doesn't know. Many people find negotiation
as one of the hardest communication skills
to learn. Well there must be nice people.
I said that because negotiation is a skill
which is all about trying to gain personal
interest by reaching to an agreement with
the other party. But this is also a necessary
skill if you are involved in dealings every
day and the fact is that no one can avoid
negotiating in life and work. So whether you're
at a grocery store or at office doing a business
deal you will need to negotiate. So let's
learn the technique to negotiate which wasn't
taught in our schools. First step, ‘be assertive’,
which means you should be confident and Stern
about what you want as if someone is ready
to negotiate with you, you have something
they need. So when you're asking aim as high
as you think is possible for them. Second,
‘you should have options’, so if they
don't agree with your demands you should have
other options to present. Third, ‘show them
how you're looking for a win-win situation’,
which means that you want both the parties
to have enough benefit.
So here we are at the last skill for the day
have a hunch, I mean have I guess, “She
talks so much, she's always blabbering, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah,
why do teachers talk so much?” “Oh you
know what I got a new car and you know what,
blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.” This is how kids
are. When teachers are teaching they just
can't keep quiet so it often happens that
we find it hard to trust somebody who talks
a lot but when a person is a good listener
we see her or him as someone who is patient
and easy to trust. Well that's why actively
listening to others is another essential skill
which was not put in our goodie bags in the
school. So how to develop this skill of listening
to someone patiently? Well this is pretty
simple, you should listen to the other person
like he or she is the most important person
in the world at that time. You should be fully
attentive and you should not pass judgments
about what they are saying and most importantly
don't keep thinking about what you will say
next. These are the qualities of a good listener.
So here you have your next guess, I hope you're
enjoying this? “Today I am going to talk
about my family, I have five people in my
family they are my parents and my family.”
“They always fight with each other, whenever
I go home my brother never opens the door
for me, so this is my family thank you so
much.” Do you know that almost 97% of all
the communication that you make is nonverbal?
Like you just saw this kid, he didn't move
his arms, she didn't move his arms. So what
I mean here is that when you're communicating
with someone your body language is as important
as what you speak and this is one skill you
must master. So for having a good body language
the first most important thing is ‘smile’.
Smile at everyone from the bottom of your
heart when you meet them. Next is ‘eye contact’
look at the person in the eye when you speak
to them so that they know that you are attentive
and listening to them. And lastly combine
smiling with eye contact and a good firm handshake.
So this is how you can improve your body language
with three very simple steps.
So here we saw some essential skills, yeah,
lesson over… yippee! So here you saw some
really useful, essential skills like showing
empathy, resolving conflict, asking great
questions, listening to others and using your
body language correctly. So these are some
of the skills that we missed learning in our
schools and that's why I've seen so many young
adults who have just passed out from the school
and they are absolutely clueless about the
practical challenges that the world is going
to bring for them. So for this very reason
I've made this special session with you so
that you won't face any trouble in your workplace
or in your day-to-day dealings. But I genuinely
believe that some of you have been benefited
by this and you will try to develop and cultivate
these skills in order to have a better hand
at dealing with practical problems through
practical solutions. So thanks for staying
with me till the end and you have a great
time using these essential skills and the
lesson is over, so bye-bye.
