 
OK GOD, I JUST DON'T GET IT

Bridging the Gap Between the Biblical and the Spiritual

Book One

Copyright: 2003

By: K. C. Boone, MSFE

Publisher: The Scribed Light

ISBN: 978-1-939634-19-1

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of the book may be reproduced in any form, except for inclusion of brief quotations in a review, without permission in writing from the author or publisher.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 - But The Bible Says...

Chapter 2 - Why Can't You See Things My Way?

Chapter 3 - No Matter How Thinly You Slice It, There's Always Two Sides.

Chapter 4 - Who's In Charge Here, Anyway?

Chapter 5 - God, Is That You?

Chapter 6 - So Many Choices...

Chapter 7 - Ain't Love Grand?

Chapter 8 - So, What Are You Going To Do?

Chapter 9 - Out With The Old And In With The New.

Chapter 10 - Experience Is The Best Teacher.

Conclusion

Bibliography

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my spiritual guru without whom I would still be pondering the basics. Your contributions to my spiritual journey are invaluable and have put me on the fast track to seeing God in a whole new light. Your genuine desire to help others has not been wasted on me and you have made God smile just as you have made me laugh so many times. Your good humor and spiritual openness make you a special messenger of God in whom He is well pleased. Thanks for everything – the large and the small.

Acknowledgements

This gift of God is inspired by all of those who brought me to this point of my spiritual journey and to those who will follow. God has sent many of His angels to offer me, each in their own special way, a greater understanding of God. There are angels known and unknown to me, but their contributions are priceless. I dare say that I am the product of the whole and my spiritual journey would be incomplete without any one of them.

I am especially grateful, unbeknownst to him, to Neale Donald Walsh for the marvelous gifts of his CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD books. His books bring God to life on a very personal level.

Introduction

Twenty years is a long time and I have learned much since last I wrote. I put into practice all that I had learned about God and worked diligently to become the perfect Christian, as perfect as was possible. I always sought to do the right thing and to treat people as I would want to be treated. I was raised in a Christian environment by a God fearing family. I was taught to read the Bible and to adhere to its principles. I was taught that Jesus was our Lord and Savior. I joined the church at 19 and felt that I had obtained the pinnacle of my spiritual journey. I didn't realize at the time that I had merely just begun my spiritual journey and that I had much to learn. Reading the BIBLE and believing in God is one thing; however, the actual experience of God is quite another. Learning about something in theory is often different from the actual practice. God had much to teach and I had much to learn.

Twenty years ago, when first I wrote, I was 19 years old and had just graduated from college with an Associate's Degree in Accounting. I was about to transfer to a four year college to get my Bachelor's Degree and eventually set out on my career path. I was anxious to complete my studies so that I could get out there and conquer the business world. Needless to say, conquer is a relative term and I would now better characterize my accomplishments as shear survival. When I was a child, I thought as a child. When I became an employee, I learned to see things in another light. I had foolishly believed that a hard-working conscientious employee could find nothing but success at every turn. It didn't take me long to realize that just getting a job was infinitely more difficult than I had imagined. Keeping a job required all sorts of skills never taught in business school and most of them were politically inspired.

As my career started and grew, I always remembered my mother's wisdom. She had taught me to always remember what it felt like to be at the bottom. This would make me a good supervisor and would always give me the wisdom to treat people with respect and dignity. I did always try to put this into practice and did willingly admit mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. Career wise – I have made a slow but steady rise up the corporate ladder and have lived a decent life earned by the diligence of my labor.

At 42, I have learned much, but have far more to learn. I used to envision a day when I would be wise and would chuckle at the younger folks for the foolishness of their actions as experience had taught me the same lessons previously. Experience has taught me that my parents knew more than I thought they did. To this day, I still call my mother for advice. It was only twenty years ago that I just knew she didn't have a clue about life. Hmmm, perception changes with experience, as I've lived to learn.

My learning about God has been far more dramatic. I have learned that the more I learn, the more that I have to learn, etc. This seems to be a never ending quest, but I know that my quest for God is the quest which drives my every thought and action. I have always had a deep knowing that there is a connection to God that my innermost being seeks to understand and that the circumstances of my life are but the vehicle of my growth. There are times when I feel close to God and times when I just can't seem to find Him. I am forever thrown between the comfort and distance of God.

Sometimes, I feel that God is holding me in His hands. Sometimes, I feel that God has dropped me and left. Is God treating me differently at one time or another? Am I just letting my thoughts and emotions keep me from Him? Am I being punished or am I being loved? What's the deal here? I just don't get it!

As I do believe that laughter is the best medicine, I have tried to provide a light-hearted look at the serious quest of my soul to know God. We should never take ourselves so seriously that we fail to enjoy the journey. As the saying goes, those who can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused.

I feel as if I have climbed the first two levels of spirituality: finding God and knowing God. I have barely started the climb to reach the final level: experiencing God. I've read the books and have had my eyes opened to the possibilities. I am anxious to gain the experience needed to fulfill my soul's purpose.

As God has called you, answer. As your soul craves fulfillment, have it. As your mind seeks knowledge, get it. As your heart feels love, give it!

Chapter 1 – But the Bible says...

Whew! Can I believe that it has been twenty years since last I wrote of my spiritual journey? The first twenty years led me to God and the next twenty years led me further toward God's true divine self. Elemental Christianity fell by the wayside and a myriad of spiritual truths have since been realized. When once I believed that God was as is portrayed in the BIBLE, I now believe that God is far more personal and all encompassing.

I have searched over the years to reconcile the ideas portrayed in the BIBLE with the larger truths felt in my soul. How can God be vengeful, to be dreaded and feared? How can God give us free will, then punish us for using it? What does God really want for us and what is His purpose?

Going to church opened my eyes to the wonderment of spiritual outpouring and brought me great comfort, yet I always felt like an outsider. I never felt as if I belonged as I just couldn't fully believe that God sat daily in judgment waiting for us to commit sins for which we were to be punished. Something just didn't fit and I sought desperately to find the answers to the questions plaguing my soul.

I began by exploring different religions, feeling certain that someone knew the answers. Each religion still left me with questions, each discovery left more to be discovered. So, I chose the most direct route – I went directly to God.

Oh, I talked and talked and talked – I questioned and questioned and questioned. I never really got answers, but I always got a sense of knowing; the sense of knowing never really translated into direct answers which I needed to gain the understanding that I sought. I prayed and prayed – ask and it shall be given, knock and it shall be opened, if any seeks wisdom ask and it shall be given, etc. Years went by and life continued on its path.

Life events caused more questions to be raised – why do bad things happen to good people? I experienced the death of two supervisors and the suffering of two close friends with cancer. Oh, can you just imagine how mad and resentful I became? The years went surely by and I worked tirelessly in the pursuit of fulfilling my God given purpose. What was I to make of this life and the injustices that I witnessed?

The turmoil had brief interruptions and times filled with great joy. There were things that happened in my life which surely came directly from the hand of God. There are things happening every day which defy reason and exude a level of goodness which can only be evidence of God. The good and the bad – what is a spiritual person to make of all of this?

The lows are so very low and the highs are so very high. I looked to Saints for inspiration. Mother Teresa was a person who lived a very modest life and served God's children of poverty in India. Her words were so eloquent and insightful – she would never have been tossed from high to low as I was. What did she know that I just couldn't seem to grasp? Surely she knew some great secret that I just couldn't know. I searched further.

I just love to watch TV, and I had seen so many famous people choosing religions as their source of inspiration: Richard Gere found the Dalai Lama; Madonna found Kaballah; Tom Cruise found Scientology; etc. So, I must just not be looking in the right place. I searched the internet, bookstores, talked to friends, etc. Every where there seemed to be different opinions and sources of inspiration. So, I started with the knowns.

I checked out the Dalai Lama – he always seemed really peaceful and relaxed. I was certain that he knew the deeper meaning of our spiritual journey and that he wasn't tossed as if in a storm. Ok, so he had some issues when he was younger, but he learned to overcome and find inner peace. But what is the secret? How can I know God so that I am more like the spiritual masters who always seem so peaceful?

I was browsing a local bookstore one day when a book caught my eye. It was CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD by Neale Donald Walsch. The catchy title peaked my interest and I returned to leaf through it. As I had always believed that as a child of God I could speak to Him directly, this really intrigued me. I bought the book and began reading it immediately.

The most magical things began to happen almost immediately. I became swallowed up in the book's contents and its message. Neale had felt so many of the same things that all of us do and went directly to God to find the answers. He simply had a much better avenue than most of us – He intuitively wrote God's answers as they came directly from God.

Oh, how wonderful it is to hear God's answers immediately. The answers given to Neal were the most insightful that I had ever read. The depth of explanation and details were absorbed with amazement. All those questions were being answered as if by magic. So, I bought the next book and the next and the next. I read feverishly trying to get an understanding of God and how He works.

The information was amazing. The examples were simply put so that even I could understand them, well some of them. God gives free will and does not punish. God says that there is no right or wrong. God experiences life through us as He cannot feel the experience Himself. God is us and we are God. Our lives are our own creations. We control everything by our choices.

Whoa!!!!! Now that flies in the face of everything that I have ever been taught. What's the deal here? There's no right or wrong, yet I see some things which seem awfully wrong to me. I know that I've been wronged many times judging by what I have been taught over the years. I have a little trouble understanding how I chose to be sick or broke. My comfort zone was being blurred before my very eyes. If I can't blame God, then who is going to take the rap, because there is no way that I caused this suffering.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Now that is what I was taught to believe. If God didn't want you to have something, He simply didn't give it to you. If He wanted you to win the lottery, your win was assured. All things bad and good were predestined by God and that is just how things were. Suddenly, God is telling us that we are the makers of our own destinies? What's up with that and how can that possibly be?

So, I spent hours, days, weeks, months, years trying to understand and absorb this new way of thinking. How can all who believe in the BIBLE believe this new stuff that is now being dispensed? How can we trust that Neale is not a fake or just made up this crap just to sell books? Where's the proof?

The next obvious move is to put God to the test. It didn't used to work when I prayed for something that I didn't get which I blamed on God for His not wanting me to have it. Hmmm, what will be the first test? I thought about it and decided that I too would ask questions and write the answers just as Neal had done. Many years ago, one of my spiritual teachers taught me to ask God a question and let the BIBLE fall open to His answer. I also used the coin toss method, as the BIBLE says that God determines the toss of every coin. This had to be very accurate.

But asking the question and awaiting the answer – now that had to be the better way. So, I fired away with questions and found that the answers came immediately. Neale was right, as my hand usually couldn't keep up. The answers didn't always make sense at first, but when rereading them later, they were full of supreme insight and filled with wisdom beyond belief.

Granted, scholar I am not and some of the answers are just simply over my intellectual head. There are concepts conveyed by God which will not register in my simple mind. Yet I continue. I just know that if you try hard enough, you will find the answers and bring forth the understanding that you seek. (One great exception for me was calculus – no amount of effort could cause me to understand calculus.) I am a very determined person and believe that if you seek something with all of your might, that you will find a way to get it.

I have read and reread the books and still have questions. I have investigated further and have sought wisdom from other scholars. I read about Deepak Chopra's book HOW TO KNOW GOD. I dashed out to the bookstore and skimmed a copy. Let me summarize by saying that Deepak writes a few levels above the average intellect and I couldn't understand the book's contents. Ever resourceful, I bought the audio CD's of the book. Now, surely I could understand it if it were read to me.

So, on the way back from a trip, I put the first CD in the player and was literally on the road to knowing God. It didn't take long for me to realize that Deepak is a very wise man – a doctor and spiritual master – who understands God in ways that surpass my comprehension. The overall concepts given in the book were wonderful and explained God in a very scientific manner.

Determined as always – I listened over and over to the CD's. Surely some of the wisdom would eventually penetrate this rather thick skull. Over and over and over I listened. I am amazed at the level of detail and the graphic examples given for each concept. But really, does it compute that someone heals himself just by believing that it is so? Jesus said that a person's faith made them well. Come on, I have asked a thousand times for God to heal me of this or that and have seen no such evidence of healing. Ok, so who is to ask and who is to believe and who is to make it happen? God said we choose everything and we heal ourselves. Why does this work for so few people and not for all people? Where is the distinction between what works and what doesn't work? Ahhhh, more questions upon questions being raised.

Still trying to understand Deepak's concepts and rereading Neal's conversations and questioning God daily has brought me to another of life's milestones. I'm 42 and don't have a clue about how to further my pursuit of spiritual maturity. I feel the inner drive to know God and to seek Him constantly. I feel at times as if I hit a wall and can't seem to go around it. More than anything, I wish to know what the masters know about God and His purpose for us. Surely, we don't just live to exist and then die. Is there nothing after this life? Is reincarnation real? Does heaven or hell exist? Why do I feel so miserable at times and so joyful at others? If there is a hell, surely it can't be worse than the misery experienced on earth. Still more questions and still searching for the answers.

Deepak conveys that our perception of life's events is all illusion. Now really, does seeing someone suffer and die of cancer seem like an illusion? Does a parent who loses a child have the ability to see the event as an illusion? Does a person having cancer feel guilty that their suffering is caused by them and is in effect committing suicide because they have not healed themselves?

The mystery of mysteries – yep, and I do know that it is a mystery to me. God's answers to Neale explain how Hitler's actions were neither right nor wrong, but were right for him at the time. I bet those 6 million Jews had a different interpretation of Hitler's actions. I certainly have a hard time overcoming the perceived misery suffered by the Jews for absolutely no justifiable reason. So, let me not be sectarian – let's talk about the Kurds, the Africans, the Indians, etc., who have suffered at the hands of cruel dictators. There are no people without suffering, no one is safe. Life will present everyone with challenges which will test you to your very core.

If our lives are affected by the decisions of others, then how are we the makers of our destinies? Hitler affected the destinies of 6 million Jews and I'm guessing that the Jews were not asked their life/death preferences. I use the Hitler scenario as it is one of the most graphic in recent history. His actions are certainly no different than those of serial killers except in scale. Did Jeffrey Dahlmer ask for the preferences of his victims? By the same token, did Jeffrey's killer ask for his preference?

What do we make of life and its struggles? How do we learn to have peace in times of great pain and suffering? How do we overcome the daily ups and downs of life and see that this is all an illusion? Is it possible to detach ourselves from reality so that we are not so affected by it? I have often contemplated whether it is our soul's purpose in life to achieve such a state of detachment and not be so affected by life's ups and downs? Would this not be the same as someone who enters a catatonic state? How can this be the soul's purpose if we are to live so that we can experience for the soul what life has to offer?

In the far reaches of my mind, I can see that God needs a vehicle of experience and humans are the perfect vehicle. Humans are constantly plagued with experiences of all sorts. Their feelings are real and can be expressed so eloquently. If we assume that every human is the incarnation of a soul which seeks experiences of life, how can we assume that a person would choose to be sick and poverty stricken? Wouldn't a soul be smarter than that? If truly we have free will, why on earth would we choose to make ourselves suffer?

Ok, God said that if you don't know right, you can't understand wrong. There must be two extremes so that you have a comparison. So, if no actions are wrong, then what is the opposite of right? Is it more accurate to refer to these concepts as good and evil? Earthlings such as myself were taught that God = Good; Satan = Evil. Now, we find out that there is no such thing as wrong, so how do we reconcile these concepts in our minds? If there is no heaven or hell, what is left for us after we die? Are we just dead? Hmmm, that doesn't seem fair. I live to the best of my ability and then I die and rot. Now, if you were God, wouldn't that seem like a perfect plan? It's kind of like buying a car to use for transportation and sending it off to the junkyard when its purpose has been served. Am I of no more value than a car? This really gives me hope to get up in the morning.

And so goes the continuing quest for the answer to life's mysteries. Being ever so diligent, I can't accept that we just live and die. So, who has the answers? Well, I hear that there are reincarnation experts such as Gary Zukav. Writing a book called SOUL STORIES must give a great insight into life after life possibilities. Research on Gary yields very impressive references and opinions of him are glowing. Does hypnosis really reveal the existence of life after death?

People who have been clinically dead report seeing a bright white light and experiencing a great sense of peace. What do their experiences tell us and what makes us believe that any of it is real? Deepak says that patients whose brains are deprived of oxygen also see a bright white light. If the experience is real, is it just the body's reaction to oxygen deprivation? If we believe that seeing a bright white light is merely a physical reaction, then how do we explain the great sense of peace experienced during these times? Worst case scenario would at least give us solace in that the death experience will bring us peace even if not an afterlife. How comforting is that?

There are many proponents of reincarnation and admittedly much of the evidence presents a powerful argument for reincarnation. Jesus was seen alive after His physical death on the Cross. Let us assume that reincarnation is real and that all of us must live, die and live again. The pessimist in me immediately thinks that I can't go through this again. Oh Lord, tell me it isn't so. I was so comforted when I believed that after death, having earned the right, we would go to heaven and forever feel God's bliss. Another fairytale dashed and hope withers with the prospect of returning to earth to start all over.

The optimist would be exuberant and would be anxious to return to earth to give it another try. Oh, if only I'd done this or that. I could do so much more if I just had another chance. This begs the question that if we get to come back, do we get to build upon past experiences or do we have to start all over? Is every life completely separate from the others? Is there a learning process of progression whereby we progress to a point of completion? Or do we just come back over and over and over forever?

This prompts me to question why do we have to go through childhood again each time. Now I consider that if spiritual maturity is your goal, the first twenty years was of very little use especially if your lives are progressive. Why couldn't we just join our next life at a comfortable age of twenty? The questions just pile on top of each other, depending on the direction of your inquiry.

Different experts offer differing reincarnation layouts. Some suggest that you, after death, review your most recent life and decide what you want to experience in your next life. Some suggest that your next life will be an expression of Karmic debt, payment for past sins. This is certainly not a preferred alternative from my point of view. I shudder to think that I will have to suffer through punishment for my every bad deed. Haven't I been punished enough already?

Some experts offer various layouts which allow the soul to be in more than one body at the time. Some suggest that we choose our physical being before we return to earthy bodies. The possibilities are endless and the evidence is as far reaching as the imagination. What do we believe? Does it really matter what we believe as we have no choice but to die? Perhaps we should just cross that bridge when we get to it and not waste our precious time worrying about things beyond our control. Oh no! I have to ponder these things now because my soul begs me to. I have this internal need to pursue the answers now lest I feel unfulfilled.

Is my soul on this journey to drive me crazy? Sometimes, I feel that this may be the case. I lay awake at night wondering about ways to discover the truths of life. Why am I so bent on seeking the answers to questions which will probably not affect my life? What if the answer to finding peace lies within the answers that I seek? Hmmm, I must admit that I haven't found in my previous quest the peace that I so desire. There must be a way to conquer this longing in my soul. But where to look? I just keep hitting the same wall. Every answer has another question. Can this be the hell of which we've heard so much - the never ending quest for unattainable peace? Sometimes I think so, especially when I can't sleep or find comfort within my soul.

I have been gifted with a spiritual guru who shares my quest for spiritual enlightenment. These issues we have discussed at great length, but seem to never have the answers. Questions beget questions and answers beget questions. Admittedly, my spiritual journey took a giant leap when my spiritual guru came into my life. Never believing that God is anything but loving and kind, my guru always felt that the teachings didn't add up. How could God be loving if his servants were not? How could He be so mystical and far away that He was beyond our reach? Catholicism teaches that we must have priests intercede with the Almighty for us – that we cannot go directly to God. Are priests really any different from the rest of us? What makes them so special if we are all children of God?

During my first twenty years, I did question nuns about why Catholicism is believed to be more God accepted than other forms of Christianity. I have to say honestly, the nuns were gracious enough to listen to my questions, but were not amused by them. The answers given by them just didn't seem to fill the gap.

God told Neale that organized religion feeds on fear. Is this not absolutely correct? What keeps Catholics going to confession? What keeps sinners going to church every time the doors open? The wrath of God, as we're taught, will get you, so you better repent quickly for you know not the hour or the day. I remember thinking that if we are all sinners, why do we have to ask forgiveness in church – why not ask God? If God knows everything, surely He knows that we are sorry for our transgressions. Why ask for forgiveness? If God gives us free will, how can we possibly sin?

If God were known as a benevolent being who uses us to experience life for Him, why would He sit on high in judgment of our every action? Would He not prefer us to willfully seek Him? Would He not want us to experience all that life has to offer? Why would God need for us to be fearful of Him if we are Him? Everyone knows that fear causes people to react differently and make different choices than does love. Having the choice, would you not want to behave with love rather than invoke fear?

Fear is a powerful tool used by people to keep us where they want us. Fear of God has caused many people to not know the true beauty of God. How can you find comfort in something which produces such fear? Many people literally fear that God will strike them down for present actions. How can this be a healthy frame of mind in which to experience God? The BIBLE is full of stories of retribution and fear. How does this promote God in a light of acceptance, peace and joy? Think about a supervisor that you've had who rules with an iron fist. Really, did you want to go to work? Did you feel that you could be open and honest? Did you feel that your best interest was taken into consideration? Absolutely not – no rule based on fear produces comfort.

I have worked for so many different supervisory types. Reflecting on some of them causes both smiles and tears. I have worked for only a few whom I believe were truly good and honest people. I have worked for many people who rule by fear and demand subservience from subordinates. Their actions spoke volumes about their core values and their expressions told the tale. It is a shame that supervisors aren't evaluated by their subordinates. This would prove to be quite an invaluable learning process, but only to those who probably don't need the evaluation anyway. Only those who have something to fear would be against such a thing. Let one of Castro's generals tell him that he is mean and unreasonable. Would Castro really perform an internal assessment as a means of improving his supervisory skills? No, the person would probably suffer a fate which would not improve office morale.

Is God like Castro – wanting only praise and admiration, even if it is not genuine? Does this scenario really put God in the highest light? Certainly, if God is God, why would He need anyone's praise? Do we suppose that He sits in heaven awaiting His next compliment? Picture God anxiously looking at His watch, tapping His foot, and waiting to hear your praise. Did Mother Teresa stand around waiting for compliments and admiration? Now, we have all seen pictures of dictators waving to the masses being worshipped as the master of all. Many of the masses are often hired or brought together out of fear. Ahhhh, fear is such a great motivator. How can God possibly operate without it?

How much fun can God possibly have? Punishing sinners while anxiously awaiting praise must bring nothing but eternal bliss for God. Who wouldn't want to change places with God? The power, the control, the storms, the lightening – so many tools, so little time. What's a God to do? Imagine that God was paraded around like the President or the Pope waving to the crowds gifting everyone with the sight of Him. How generous of God to provide His people with the sight of Him. Of course, He would not need the bullet proof vehicle as God needs no such protection.

Did we ever stop to suppose that God would not necessarily look like we think He would? What if God was composed of vapor and gas and appeared in some unimaginable form as He might truly exist? Oooooh, imagine the fear that this would produce. People would really have reason to fear God then. Sure, God can appear in any form which suits His purpose, but if you really want to know God, would you not want to know His true self? Can you imagine sitting down to talk with God, assuming that He presented Himself in a manner understandable to us?

What would you say to God if given the chance? Would you ask why He made you lose everything and file bankruptcy? Would you ask why He allowed your spouse to be killed? Would you seek more spiritual answers such as why is He so mysterious? Why He doesn't give us an answer book so that we don't have to waste so much time seeking answers? Why does He not make our lives easier? Why does He not make all of us rich? Why didn't He let you win the lottery back when you really needed the money, especially since you prayed so fervently? Has it ever occurred to you that you can talk to God right now?

What if God were listening to your thoughts at this very moment. What would He be thinking? As for me, He'd probably be thinking that I can't type very well and were it not for the backspace key, I have a really big mess. I'm thinking that He would be thinking of the typing lessons that I should have taken, as watching me type is seriously nerve wracking. What if God came up behind you right now and whispered in your ear? What if God put a thought into your head that you needed to call someone? What if God gave you the wisdom to know the needs of another without being told? What if God gave you a feeling of contentment when you performed a kind gesture for another? What if God gave you dreams or ideas about ways to improve your life? Is anyone paying attention? Would you know it if God were with you right now?

Imagine for one day that God is a real spirit with you at all times, and don't worry about the embarrassing times you'd rather not share. Imagine that God is with you when you wake up, joins you for coffee, reads the paper with you, drives to work with you, works with you, drives home with you, cleans the house with you, and goes to sleep with you. How would that make you feel? Would you feel comfort or fear? Would you constantly be calculating your every move so as to not offend God? Would you talk to Him constantly, seeking His advice on everything? Would you be paralyzed with fear? Would you feel the most powerful love and comfort possible? This exercise will offer you some insight into your personal feelings about God and how you perceive Him.

A close friend of mine recently fretted over the fact that someone had entered the church while intoxicated. Her fear of being stricken by lightening was believed and real to her. My thoughts about the same incident were that God already knew that the person was intoxicated and felt that she was much better off being in church rather than driving around endangering others. Perception rules our actions and we tend to impart our perceptions on God. If we perceived God as a vengeful God, then we would be fearful of His wrath. If we perceive God as loving, then we will know that He will behave with love.

Chapter 2 – Why Can't You See Things My Way?

It is our never ending belief that we, being created by God, are far smarter than we really are. Let me suggest for the record that God's creation could not possibly have been accomplished by any past or present humans as evidenced by the history of not having done so. Oh, we have all imagined that Dr. Frankenstein could have brought someone back to life, but did it happen? Cloning is currently all the rage, but does cloning constitute creation? Not hardly, as cloning uses live cells already created. Scientists are still baffled by the "life force" that starts the growth of an embryo. For God, this is an accomplishment that He has already.

Do we suppose that we have the wisdom to create life even if we knew how best to create it? I've seen some of man's creations, but nothing compares to God's creations. We try desperately to emulate God's creations, but rarely create something as simple as even a flower. Sure, we can alter a flower, but we cannot create a flower. The human genome project was a great advancement for mankind, but produces just a giggle in comparison to God's accomplishments. How has man's vanity increased to such levels as man supposes that he is God? Do you feel like God? Do you sit on high contemplating the creation of a new galaxy or a different life form? Do you think that you should be worshipped? Do you think that you can solve all the world's problems with a swoop of your will? Oh, if it were so, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this about myself as I am far too modest.

This brings me to God's statement to Neale that we are God. Now, how should we take this? Is this a chance for us to prance around as if we are omnipotent – wielding our vast power over our servants and wallowing in the brilliance of our own creation? Should be opt for the more low-key option of being worshipped from afar? Should we embellish ourselves with all our worldly whims? Should we concentrate our efforts on eliminating world hunger? Oh, the many choices of God and as God, I have much to contemplate. Where should I start? Perhaps being God would not necessarily be in my or anyone else's best interest. I might just have to repay some past debts – I know some folks who more than deserve to suffer a little. I might just become like those who already think that they are God. I might just turn into Hitler II. I might get out of control and take advantage of the situation. Yipes, I better stick to being modest for now. Nobody likes an arrogant God.

The imagination can run absolutely wild – and I had not imagined myself as very creative. What a picture I could paint of myself with a God complex. Talk about creating fear! I would be afraid of myself. Perhaps for now, we should just let God be God. We'll focus on keeping ourselves in perspective and continue our pursuit of God. Let's not get ahead of ourselves – let's learn about God before becoming God.

Can you see how the pursuit of God can be just a little overwhelming? Can you understand my plight and how difficult the journey of the spirit can be? It seems as if the questions take on a life of their own. When, I ask, will the answers take on a life of their own? When will the answers reveal themselves and part the clouds of doubt so that God's self is revealed as clearly and brightly as the morning sun? Please God, make the questions stop. I'm starting to bore myself with all of this rambling.

Let's try to narrow our focus and take the knowledge of God in smaller portions. What are the exact answers that we seek? Or, if I could ask God for any answer, what would that be? The pondering of this induces thoughts of the Jeopardy theme in the background while I consider the most sought after answer. What do I most want to know? How do I phrase the question so that I get the best answer? Will God's answer be in light of the realm of the absolute or reality as noted to Neal? Do I understand enough to ask an intelligent question? Will I kick myself later when a really good question comes to me after it is too late? Of course, you never seem to think up the clever questions while you are on the spot.

Let's consider some of the big picture concepts which will bring forth the greatest revelation. Is God real? If God were to answer yes, then would we instantly believe Him and never question again? Where is God? If there is no heaven, the where does God live? Why are we here? If God answered that we are here to experience, then would that satisfy our question? Is there an afterlife? What if God said no, would we be disappointed and have nothing to look forward to after death? Does God communicate with us? If God answered no, then our quest would take a sharply different turn. I guess that presupposing God's answers and fear of His answers keep us from delving too deeply into the knowing of God. Sometimes, we don't ask because we really don't want to know the answer.

I guess our first question should be whether we really want to know the answers. I have often asked God questions or phrased them in such a way as to try to manipulate the answers. If I ask God if a particular person will die within a week, do I really want to know if the answer is yes? God keeps reminding me of my hesitance when I ask about future jobs and particular direction. He reminds me that if He tells me the answer in advance that I will freak out and that He is certain that I can not handle the truth at that time. I consider this to be very generous, yet frustrating. Sure I'm going to freak out, but I want to know that I will not be stuck here forever. God really is insightful and knows me well. What if I had envisioned moving to my favorite city, but God knew that I was going to be sent to Alaska. If the move were to occur in six months, would it be prudent for God to give me something to worry about needlessly for 5 long months? God knows very well that I am the worst sort of worry-wart and that I can surely make a mountain out of a mole hill. Like any good friend, God protects me from myself.

Ok, so we have taken the brave step and decided that we really do want to know. There's really no harm if we are talking about God in the broadest sense. Our souls are driving us crazy with a desperate need to know. We can't hold out much longer, so we might as well dive in.

Think up your own list of questions and don't be shy for a minute. Ask God for His answers. I do truly believe that there is a God and that He interacts with me daily. I have witnessed so very many times His hand in my life, so I really don't need to ask if there is a God. You may be at a totally different place in your spiritual life and may need to ask this question. Take the time to really conjure up questions for God. It worked for Neale so surely it will work for us. I've thrown in some examples of answers given to me.

Is God real? Surely as you are sitting here writing to and about Me. If God were not real, then why are you so arrogant as to believe that you would be here? God may not be the vision that you create of Me, but I assure you that I am real and was real before you could even imagine if I were real.

What is a human's purpose? The soul's purpose is to manifest the life experiences so that the soul can touch, feel and love. The soul uses the human form to realize the experiences that it seeks to understand. The soul is without end so it is important that you understand that death is simply change. There is no beginning or end.

What is the soul? The soul is the object of My creation through which I experience life. In a manner similar to cellular mitosis, I split my being into many souls so that I can know what it is like to feel love, give love, create love, etc.

What is the most important thing in life? Love. There is nothing else; it is the reason for being.

Why does hate exist? Hate is a reactionary feeling caused by disappointment and fear. How can we know love if we do not know hate. In the movie VANILLA SKY, a line is repeated which says that the sweet is not as sweet without the bitter.

Does heaven/hell exist? Not as you have been taught or imagine. As I told Neale, heaven is much like that depicted in the movie WHAT DREAMS MAY COME. Heaven is a place of rest so it must be what you envision heaven to be. Hell exists only in the mind such as the nagging desperate search to know all of My secrets. Its hell, isn't it? Seriously, there is no right or wrong; therefore, there is no place of torture. What kind of God do you imagine Me to be?

Where does God live? Anywhere, everywhere – all at the same time.

Does God have a sense of humor? What kind of bore would I be if I couldn't laugh? Of course I have a sense of humor. As I told Neale, I invented the concept.

Where do I find happiness? Do you remember the movie CITY SLICKERS when Curly answered the question what is the most important thing? The answer truly depends on the person and each person must decide for him/her self.

How do I become closer to God? Want to and do it. If you chose to be closer to a person, how would you make it happen? God is no different, well, in some ways different, but any pursuit of God will yield results.

Etc, etc, etc. Ask all the questions that you can dream up. God loves to answer questions and wants us to know Him more personally. Picture God working in a call center answering your call...This is God, how may I help you?

What, know God personally? What blasphemy! How can you dare get personal with God? My arrogance amazes even me. Or, am I taking God literally and seeking Him as He has told us that we should? Ok, so maybe I risk a lightening strike by seeking God. As I see it, I risk even greater danger by not seeking God. The deprivation that my soul feels from not knowing God causes me to merely exist. If I really want to live and I take God at His word, I will get to know Him personally.

Let us assume that I am a child of God, created by God, serving God's purpose, sharing God's word, etc. If I do not know God, surely I can not share God. I cannot experience God if I am too afraid to approach Him. I have to cross the bridge and it all starts with the first step. I have taken the first step which is choosing to know God. I have taken the second step which is actively seeking God. I have taken the third step which is communicating with God, not just asking God. I have taken the fourth step which is gaining understanding of God. I have barely taken the fifth step which is experiencing God. I have taken the sixth step which is living for God. I have not taken the seventh step which is being God. (These steps are only imagined by me as a possible accomplishment levels.)

Radical concept to say the least is the notion that we are God. We touched on this earlier, but due to the magnitude, we will spend the rest of our lives taking this step. So, do we get up one morning and decide that we are God and that we rule our destiny? Do we suddenly have a flash of inspiration and instantly know that we are God? Do we have a life altering experience such as a near death experience and realize that we are nothing if not God?

This is the most radical giant step that a human can face. Simply thinking that it is possible blows our minds. Realizing that we can be God is even more frightening. Being God must really alter us in ways beyond our belief. I personally have trouble even imagining myself as God. In my previous illustration of me being God, it is much easier to imagine that I would somehow mess up and give God a bad wrap.

How does one know how to act like God? We've never seen God. We've never heard God talk. How do I with all of my shortcomings "be" God? Technically speaking, really, how do I become God and be God? Should I wear godly clothes and present a godly presence with godly movements and offer awe inspiring wisdom? Perhaps this God to be needs a little tutoring on being God.

Wow, if only there were a class offering of Being God 101. I could just sign up and let someone else do the driving for me. I am not much of a reader as I have about a 30-second attention span. I need a shortcut with visual learning aids to expedite the process. No sense having to actually extract information when there are wonderful schools with terrific teachers to spoon feed the info to me. Once I start the class, I can dash out and buy the CLIFF'S NOTES version of the text, as I can't seem to make it through an entire text book. Sounds perfect, so where do I sign up?

Let's envision God school, with the class Being God 101 being taught by Professor Jesus. You've heard great things about the class. Sure it's pricey, but you are certain that it is well worth the price. Anxious to get on with the business of learning to be God, I show up early for the first class. You don't dare show up late or skip the first day – that always comes later when you are certain that you can pass the tests without attending all the classes. (Ahhhh, flashback to the old college days.)

Professor Jesus, as we've all heard, is a wonderful teacher. I am absolutely giddy with excitement awaiting the pearls of wisdom to spring forth. I think for a moment about the teaching referenced in the BIBLE from Professor Jesus. Imagine being taught by someone whose words are captured in the world's best selling book of all time. Wow, I better snap back and focus. (Still suffering from my attention deficit.) Professor Jesus has just entered the room.

Professor Jesus is dressed in modest garb. I am shocked by the simplicity and gentleness of His demeanor. He moves to the board and slowly writes, "You are God and can be the God of your choosing." He then dismisses the class and leaves the room.

Well, I'm stunned, shocked and amazed. I am disappointed that there is no guide book offered or text referenced. I sit and stare blankly at the words on the board and try to absorb what has just happened. I suddenly realize that this is exactly the same thing that God has been trying to tell me all along – that being God is unique to each soul and one set of rules does not apply. Trying to categorize the learning process would be to cheat each soul out of the experience needed.

My hopes of learning on the fast track are dashed. What next? Ever diligent, I scheme for ways to learn as quickly as possible. I beg God for miraculous teaching and He offers the usual blah, blah, blah about my having to choose the experience and then realize it. I picture myself as God, then dress up and play God. Surely I must practice first. You can't just "be" God. You must have to go through some sort of training.

I envision that perhaps the Saints were in training for their future of being God. A saint is surely high on the ladder to God. I drag out to do research on Saints. I research documented cases of miracles. Our Lady of Lourdes led a fascinating life led with great reverence and wonder. Her corpse is perfectly preserved as if by magic. Was she God? Or was she just a saint? What's the difference? Are there progressive steps to being God such as rungs on a ladder? I visualize a ladder of progression from bottom to top:

God

Saint

Angel

Advanced Soul

Intermediate Soul

Beginner Soul

New Soul

Do all of the steps have to be obtained in succession? Can you skip some steps by earning extra credit? How do I know where I am and what the next step is?

My spiritual guru and I were contemplating our status on the proverbial ladder to being God. I asked if she had ever known anyone else who sat around and chatted about such things. She said that we are the only two known to her. We considered seeking similarly staged souls in internet chat rooms. Surely, someone out there knows the route to spiritual fulfillment.

So, as you might have guessed, zero progress has been made and my envisioned shortcut never materialized. Here I sit still pondering the same things.

The thought occurred to me that when I graduated from business school, I thought I knew everything there was to know about accounting. After all of those years in school, I must have some really great knowledge with which to conquer the world. Flash forward to my first real job interview. The question was asked, "What do you know about accounting?" I promptly replied with confidence that I knew what I had been taught in college, to which I received a reply of, "Then you don't know very much." I was shocked! Thankfully, I was hired and given the opportunity to learn accounting through experience which did provide the best learning possible.

The years of working in accounting have taught me much, but mostly that the interviewer's remark was very true. You can't learn much from books. The experience is truly the best teacher and I think that God is trying to convey the same message – you learn by doing. I can learn by doing, but couldn't God give me a boost? I was told how to calculate payroll before I actually had to. All through life, we are given guidance starting with parents, then teachers, etc. Why not now? The first step to being God is.....

"Realizing and accepting your potential," God replied. "You must believe that you can be God before you can choose to be God. You must believe that you are worthy and that you can be God. Then, you have only to be God." So there, God dropped some pearls of wisdom on me. This will surely require some mental processing.

I'm sitting here writing this gift from God, feeling skeptical about my worthiness. Being God means taking responsibility for your actions. No longer can you shift the blame away from yourself. Oh, that hurts! Not having a scape goat really puts you on front street. Picture yourself under a hot light while being interrogated about your motives. Who is the detective questioning your motives? You and you alone. You are God and you make the choices and you face the consequences.

Ick! The ever so nasty word "consequences" comes to light. How did that creep into my thoughts of being God? Even God knows that every action causes a reaction. If God sends a tornado down main street, there are going to be consequences. Another example of actions equal consequences is driving while talking on a cell phone. Imagine this mundane activity performed frequently with little thought given to possible consequences. Stop for a minute and realize the possible devastating consequences of causing an accident while not being fully attentive at the wheel. What if someone was hurt or killed? What if you were physically handicapped for the rest of your life or worse that you had caused someone else to be handicapped? I shudder to think of the consequences, but know very well that they are real.

The possible associative consequences with being God are unimaginable. To keep the pessimism at bay, I'll jump to the positive consequences of being God. Think of how far reaching are the consequences of one miracle. Good news travels fast, especially in this highly communicative world. Millions of people's lives can be affected instantly.

The ramifications of being God can really blow your mind. Coming from a mortal's view point, it just seems impossible to be God. Focusing on the physical world limits our perception so that we can't see outside the realm of possibility. Deepak gets into heavy detail on this subject, so please read his book for a greater insight. Let's just simplify, so that we can stay on my level of understanding.

Let's imagine that there are two worlds – the physical and the spiritual. In the physical world, I can do 10 situps. In the spiritual world, I can do as many as I choose because I am not limited by my poorly exercised body. It is easy to understand the physical world because it is our experience. The spiritual world is more complex as there are no rules. The spiritual world is based on your choices as everything comes from you.

Ooops, I think I skipped over how God fits into the picture. Just suffice it to say that God created everything and He lets things work as chosen. God is never absent as an inventor who sells his product and forgets about it. God is watching the show produced by Him. If it were a movie, God would be the producer and creator. You would be the director and actor. As you are not an island, other directors/actors are involved and the story lines become intertwined. The stories mesh together with the movie goer seeing the film through their filter of perception.

The filter of perception is a tremendous factor in the viewing of our film. Two people witnessing the same event will perceive it differently. Our perception filters are constructed from our own life experiences. For example, I don't really like horror movies, but most people do. If a horror movie were made, I would have little or no interest in seeing it and my review, if I saw it, would be vastly different from those who really like horror movies.

Think of the differences between the perceptions of those who have experienced child abuse from those who had wonderful childhoods. Working for many years with students who were the products of abusive backgrounds gave me an insight into their perceptive filters. At face value, a person's behavior may seem harsh or violent. After investigating the root cause, knowing that people aren't born inherently angry, I often found that the person had suffered through instances of abuse which the thought of would bring tears to my eyes. The bigger picture revealed that the person, based on past experiences, had developed coping mechanisms which helped them deal with life.

I can not even begin to imagine how I might view life or how I might behave in similar circumstances. Everyone gets angry and strikes out. Maturity teaches us to control our behavior and to deal logically with circumstances which we view as unfair or threatening. Persons who have experienced abuse learn to deal with their anger in ways far different from those persons who have not experienced abuse. Think about the different life views of people who come from broken homes and those who have not. I do remember wondering how my father could simply ignore my existence. I realized that I had to accept the experience and learn to use the experience as a means of relating to others with similar experience.

It is difficult for a person to rise above their circumstances, but that is part of life and part of what our soul has chosen to experience. In the physical world, we cannot imagine our soul choosing such an experience; however, in the spiritual world, our souls choose to experience as much as possible so that we can reach spiritual maturity as we climb the ladder to God. If souls only chose fun and easy lives, then how mature would the soul ever be? If Mother Teresa chose to live in a mansion with servants at her beck and call, how much of a saint could she have been? Would she garner the respect that she currently holds? Absolutely not. We love celebrities and are fascinated by their antics, but we do not respect them for their status. How many celebrities do we consider to be Saints?

Do we choose to be like celebrities who are wrapped up in themselves or those who use their status to help those less fortunate? What kind of celebrity would you choose to be? Would you choose celebrity at all? Remember that no matter how thinly you slice it; there are always two sides to every issue. The downside to celebrity is the constant spotlight focused on your every move. Think of all the rumors and gossip circulated by money mongers seeking dirt on celebrities. How many truly wealthy people do you know who are happy? Think of a life lived in constant fear that everyone is after you for your money – never being sure that you and not your money are the object of desire.

Did Mother Teresa let life circumstance overwhelm her? Did she worry incessantly that she would not be seen in the latest fashion? Did she lay awake at night contemplating what she would wear the next day for her servant duty in the poverty stricken orphanage? I don't remember any BIBLE stories about Jesus strolling through downtown Jerusalem with shopping bags galore searching desperately for the next great bargain. Don't be fooled, even in His time, rich folks liked to dress up just as they do now. But you never get the impression that Mother Teresa or Jesus gave a second thought to their clothing. They focused on the internal which made the most profound impression. You won't remember either of them for their worldly trappings – you will remember them by their deeds.

This brings us to the choice of life style. I really don't think that any of us really choose to live in poverty and starve, but some may choose to experience the circumstance as a learning tool. I personally find it very hard to believe, but I do realize that these circumstances exist. Granted, there are people who live that experience every day and we must believe that they have chosen these experiences. Assuming that I have chosen this life, I have chosen to go to work every day and to maintain an acceptable level of existence. I certainly am not wealthy and do not live as such. I do work hard and do try hard to provide a safe comfortable home in which to live. A luxurious lifestyle is not what I have managed to achieve, but I am comfortable.

There are people who choose exorbitant lifestyles. Some people work most of their lives trying to accumulate more and more worldly goods. Many people have forgotten how to live while trying to obtain more and more. This is seen as a good thing in our economically focused society. We've all heard that he who dies with the most toys wins. But you never hear that he who dies with the most toys usually dies young and never enjoys his toys because there is never enough. The desire for more is in control of the person. I watch shows about the homes of the wealthy and am amazed at what people spend on homes. Now really, can two people fully enjoy a 15 room mansion? How many houses can a couple actually visit in a year? Perhaps I just can't see through their perceptive filter and don't realize their needs. I find no fault with people obtaining what they choose and congratulate them on their accomplishment. To each his own and who am I to judge? My hope is that they have chosen what is most important for them and not for how they appear to others.

Motives come into question when being seen is more important than being honest. We hear stories every day about persons who were seen here or there. It is rare that we hear the person described by who they are or the type person that they are. We all know people who are held in great esteem in spite of their horrible personalities. We even go so far as to justify their behavior as simply doing their jobs. A person who obtains great wealth regardless of his methods is seen as business savvy; while an honest hard working person who works in a small office diligently every day is seen as a loser. Think of the recent fall of huge companies such as Enron. Think about how great the executives were perceived before their deeds came to light. Think about how little thought was given by the executives to those who worked beneath them while they were robbing them blind. Perceptions changed radically when the investigation began. Everyone seemed shocked that this had gone on for so long. How could this happen?

We choose to overlook successful people and their deeds wishing to see them as heroes. Look at him, he is amazing. He has worked himself up from poverty and has accomplished great things. In our analysis, we should investigate more thoroughly the motives of those we hold in great esteem. We should not judge a book by its cover, nor should we judge people by what they appear to be. If the depth of our analysis is the outside of the person, surely we have missed the big picture. Remember Ted Bundy? What a nice looking guy with such a bright future.

According to what God told Neale, there is no right and wrong, only what is right for the person at the time. Call me simple minded, but I have a hard time reconciling myself to this fact. I really have to put on my thinking cap and ponder this concept. I've been taught all of my life that I should do what is right and should always consider the feelings of others above my own. Needless to say, this comes as quite a shocking concept and is a radically different perspective from everything that I've been taught. I can understand that Ted did what was right for him, but I can only see that it was wrong for the other person, unless the victims wanted to experience a torturous death. Something here just does not add up in my simple mind.

I have asked God to explain this concept to me so that I can understand it. He says that others are naturally affected by our choices. If our choices affect others, then how can that be their choice? Kind of makes your head swim, doesn't it? I guess I'll have to reach another level of spiritual maturity to understand this concept. I do not even profess to have the answer to this one. I guess that if we consider the free will choices that we make and imagine the inevitable consequences, we will be able to envision how this works in the grand scheme of things. I must say, I am surely not prepared for the enormity of being God. I have so much to learn.

Chapter 3 – No Matter How Thinly You Slice It, There's Always Two Sides.

Are you as overwhelmed as I am? As I told you, the more questions asked, the more answers needed. It's kind of like digging a hole in the ground – the deeper you dig, the harder you must dig to make progress. I think that perhaps I've dug myself into a very deep hole. Where's the bottom and when can I stop digging?

If you see our soul's journey as a never ending experience, then you will never be able to stop digging. Occasionally, you will be able to take breaks, but your quest will not end. Coming from a very goal oriented society, this seems very unobtainable and leaves me often feeling that I am in a no win situation. That pessimism always gets its turn.

If you are an optimist and believe that your every experience brings you closer to your goal of being God, then you are filled with excitement and joy with every passing day. Our attitude can make all the difference. If my attitude reflects negativity, then surely my experience will be negative. If my attitude reflects positively, then surely my experience will be positive.

I asked God once how should I deal with negative thoughts. Just as God told Neale, "Change your thinking." If you realize that you are thinking negative thoughts, make a different choice. Think of every situation you have ever experienced and see it from at least two points of view. If I see going to work as positive, I will have a wonderful experience regardless of what happens during the day. If I see going to work as negative, then nothing positive will happen. Think about people who live their whole lives with pessimism and negativity (and no, you can't include me.) There are people in every workplace who exude negativity, who always see the worst case scenario. The worst case scenario usually happens just as they predicted. Persons with positive attitudes manage to see even negative events in a positive light. How do they do it? I've always heard that ignorance is bliss, but this is taking it to a new level. Consider a very positive person who suddenly is stricken with a dreaded disease. They see the experience as a way to make them stronger and to realize the importance of living life to the fullest.

Hmmm, aren't you forever amazed by people like this? Have you ever considered that these people are just a little above us on the imagined ladder to God? Perhaps they are more mature souls who are better able to see the big picture. Wow, isn't it always great to be around these people? I just love being around them as they exude such a sense of peace and tranquility. Don't you long to be more like them? Maybe your soul is telling you to seek a higher level. The story of Job in the BIBLE is very thought provoking. (One thought is that the name Job is spelled the same as our positions of employment. Could there be a subliminal message involved?) Our immature selves think about all of his suffering and poor old Job having to endure that torture. Our advanced selves would relish being held in high esteem by God, who realizes our potential. Mother Teresa said that she knew God wouldn't put anything on her that she couldn't handle, but she wished that He didn't trust her so much. Whew! Do we want to be cry babies or do we want to be mature spiritual beings who are not tossed about from pillar to post. What do you choose?

Let's be honest – being a cry baby and blaming God has worked so well for us thus far. It's really hard to see things as getting any better when we step up to the plate. Perhaps we are not ready to choose the next step, assuming that there is a next step. It is easy for us to participate in hero worship. We all marvel at those who inspire us. Perhaps we should pick a spiritual hero to help us on our journey. I still think that Mother Teresa is a good one, but you choose your own if it helps you learn. Of course, Jesus makes a good hero – surely, you can't go wrong with Him.

A hero can be anyone – dead or alive, famous or not, happy or sad. You choose your helper hero. Many of us believe in angels and feel their presence when we need them. In times of great strife, we turn to God's little helpers to get us through. There are many writings on the subject, not the least of which is the BIBLE. Whether you believe in angels or not, you really might consider the concept. Do the research and find out all that you can. Perhaps on the ladder you may choose to be an angel of God and help those who ask. The movie CITY OF ANGELS gave an amazing portrayal of angels. Imagine yourself being surrounded by angels every day. Now that's food for thought.

What would it be like to be an angel? Can you imagine having no earthly bounds and being able to appear wherever needed? We really have to start thinking about the possibility of not being our body. Our body is not who we are, but is a vehicle to experience who we are. An example of this would be that we buy a new car and drive it till the wheels fall off. We love the car and change the oil and keep it running just as long as we can. But we know that one day, the car will die. We dread this day and do everything that we can to stave off the inevitable. But, the car dies. And yes, we are very upset. (I tend to be very attached to my vehicles as they bring me much joy and utility and do make my life more experiential.) You are heartbroken and have your moment of mourning. Then, suddenly, you lift yourself up and go buy another car. And the cycle continues. You quickly forget about the old car, but not completely. You cherish the car and the times enjoyed in it. But the new car is the bomb. You forgot what it was like to drive a car with new car smell and tires that are in perfect balance. Wow, if you'd known this, you'd have gotten a new car sooner.

Another example is how we treat our bodies like we treat our cars. We drive our cars to the limits; we never remember to change the oil. We forget to check the fluids and are mad when the car won't start. We rarely wash our cars and keep the insides full of trash. After all, it's just a car. Think about how we treat our bodies the same way. We run ourselves literally to death. We suffer stress and worry to the point of physical sickness. We rarely exercise or do preventive maintenance. We eat crappy food which does more harm than good, but it does keep the motor running. How much service can we get from a vehicle so badly abused? On the other hand, life is to be enjoyed and if you choose to run your vehicle to its limits, certainly do so. One of the former angels in CITY OF ANGELS chose exactly this. His doctor was telling him to eat sensibly, but he chose to enjoy the experience of eating ice cream. Remember that your vehicle operates according to your choices and your body is simply your vehicle.

Ever consider how you got the type vehicle/body that you have? Was there a time before birth when you selected the body model and type that you would inhabit during your next life? Hmmm, Deepak believes that he chose for this life to be male, Indian, etc. Does this really happen? Do we choose our preferences before entering each life? I guess you'll have to do the research and choose the answer for yourselves. Do we blame God for giving us feeble, sickly bodies or do we choose to blame ourselves for choosing our bodies? As always, it is much easier to blame God until you learn that you are God and you make the choices. Yeah, we are back to that. Think for a minute that if God gives us free will, why would He then choose our vehicles for us. Does He really care if we are white or black or male or female or gay or straight or red hair or blond or slender or fat, etc? Free will means free will and does not offer limits.

Do we really suppose that God sits on high deciding every minutia of our existence? Do we think that He really has preferences about whom and what we are? Do we really think that we are so magnificent that our very bodies must be designed by God Himself? Certainly, we must think very highly of ourselves and perhaps we do deserve to be God. This concept does put God in the position of servant to our godliness. We are the most important thing and every aspect of our lives is at our behest of God. I must say that God's choices for my body, if He made the choice, are very disappointing to me. With all of His power and might, could He not have made me more fabulous? Why so frumpy and short? What could he have possibly been thinking?

Worse than that is the thought that I designed this overly simplified body with such odd proportions. What could I have been thinking? If I am the designer of this, surely I need some tutoring in design. Perhaps I should quickly seek a design school so that I will not make the same mistake again. Hmmm, back to Mother Teresa. What was she thinking when she designed her body? I guess she was looking for a practical low-maintenance model. For her purposes, the body fits perfectly and served her well. We have managed to circle back to the exterior.

Let's get back to choices. Obviously, our body choice has already been made and our only option at this point is how we treat it. As I sit here having a lovely TV dinner for lunch, I have to reconsider my bodily maintenance concept. Considering that I haven't eaten all day and it's 3:00 pm, I chose the fast lunch so that I could continue my writing. I guess a better choice might have been to take the time to have eaten breakfast and lunch with both meals actually being nutritious. See what I mean about how we treat our vehicle?

So, I really don't have to worry about my next vehicle for now. We'll move on with our other choices. We have choices about what we want to experience in this life. Our souls have predestined us to this life for the experiences of their choosing. Let's assume that I am here by my soul's choice that I should experience a modest life with a strong desire to do good works. So far, so good. I am surely on the right path. But is that all there is? What's next on my path? Surely there is more as I am still alive and do not feel spiritually satisfied. How do I know what is next? Oh God, I need some help.

Certainly, I can take a wait and see approach. I can sit here an await God's direction and advice. Honestly, I've already done that. Now it's time to spring into action. Sit in a quiet corner and make your choices. The many masters recommend meditation as a great practice to seek your soul's desires. Of course, I had to do research on meditation as I didn't understand that concept either. Reading THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO MEDITATION didn't help either (you'll remember that I hate to read as I can't sit still.) Deepak Chopra's website offers a meditation exercise which is very helpful. Brian Weiss's book on meditation includes a CD with a meditation exercise.

How can you really make informed choices if you don't listen to yourself? When in a day do we take the time to listen to ourselves? Sure, we listen to all that reflective crap that jumps into our head when someone says something that irks us. The internal dialog is a swirling mass of junk that fools us into thinking that we are in touch with our soul. Thinking that something someone just said is stupid really doesn't let me know what my soul desires. Thinking that the person who just passed is dressed nicely doesn't put me in touch with my core. Thinking about hitting someone who is getting on your nerves really just wastes your valuable thought time. Sure, it makes you giggle at the time until you realize that you are wasting your think time.

We've all had internal dialog about seeking revenge on someone who gave us the short end of the stick. We plot all the scenarios in our minds of how we'd like to splash water on them or pull their hair. Now really, is this the best use of our time? Yeah, but it feels good right now and wouldn't it be fun to see the look on their face if... Would we not be better served to spend our time devising ways to win over our supposed enemies? Kill them with kindness. You draw more flies with honey than vinegar. Turn the other cheek. Blah, blah, blah – where's the justice in that? Better yet – let's turn it over to God as we know that He is vengeful and believes in an eye for an eye. Yeah, He'll teach them a lesson.

As ridiculous as this sounds, I have actually had these thoughts. When a child, I thought like a child. Now that I'm older and certainly more mature, I can really think up some good ways for God to punish the wrongdoers. (Just kidding.) I have really made an effort to pity those who seek vengeance on others and pray that they see the error of their ways. I understand that even if punished, the true purpose of the punishment would be lost. People who mistreat others believe that they are doing what they should. They don't realize until later that they should treat people with respect. This is where experience teaches us. Being mistreated teaches us how it feels to be mistreated; therefore, we learn that our actions affect others and that others should be treated with respect.

Think for a moment about your life and the most memorable learning experiences. Many times I have reflected on the wisdom of my mother. At the time, I took them at face value. As I grew, I saw the deeper meaning and the true virtue of her wisdom. Working with students, I have learned to share that wisdom with others so that one day they will share the wisdom with others. One of my most valuable lessons taught by my mother was, "There's more than one way to get up the mountain besides going straight up." This pearl of wisdom was dropped upon me in reference to my verbalized directness. Yes, I do have a tendency to be very direct and have struggled all of my life to lessen this tendency. I still hold to the contention that if you don't want my honest opinion, please don't ask. I generally don't take the time to flower up the wording, but have made great strides since learning to take alternative routes up the mountain.

Working with young people offered me many opportunities to teach this same lesson. Once upon a time, children were to be seen and not heard. Today, children are constantly heard. They grow toward adulthood with the idea that all of their opinions must be heard. Teaching them that silence is golden is the most difficult task of all. One of my favorite sayings is, "It is better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt." That just cracks me up every time. But how many times do we let our mouths get us into trouble and later look back and question our own stupidity? Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? Boy, if I could take that back... What was I thinking?

There are so many more learning experiences to consider. We learn until the day we die, but do we stop then? Or does the process continue in the afterlife and in succeeding lives? Wouldn't it be so much easier if we didn't have to start over – if we could just build upon each life with knowledge from each of the past lives? The thought of being potty trained all over again just doesn't fill my heart with joy. You have learned by now that I am always looking for the most efficient means to the end and consider having to relearn anything a waste of time. I'm thinking that if I can skip all of those inconsequential relearning steps, then I could expedite myself up the ladder to God. Or was there something learned while potty training that made up the experience of my being that I can't remember? If I skip that step in the next life, will I not be fully realized experientially?

See how my mind wonders aimlessly? I just can't rein in the mind and keep it on the path. This is the very reason that I can't seem to master meditation. I start thinking about the details within the scenario and lose track of the purpose. Concentrating on the color of the sky keeps me from hearing my soul's desires. I start reading a book and within minutes am thinking about something I just read and drift off the subject entirely. For instance right this minute, I am focused on the blinking icon at the bottom of my screen. I have to manually drag myself back into focus.

I guess that this is a good representation of life. We become more reactive than proactive. I have often laughed about people who go to work with their day planners and go home from work having not accomplished even one item on their agendas. Working with people in need of attention makes a day planner a joke. When your job involves constant problem solving, you can't really plan the next minute or hour. I used to jot down a to do list and have to return to it many times a day. Sometimes I might get one planned thing done, but most days I worked diligently just putting out fires. This is broken, the fire alarm is going off, there are visitors here, the electricity went out, etc. You have to prioritize and reprioritize over and over again each day if you are to be productive. In this fast paced world, you have to think on your feet. You can't just sit around and process your paperwork and your thoughts in a relaxed manner. You have to catch the paperwork after you get the electricity back on and put out the fires.

Have you ever felt like this? You decide to organize your life. You make yourself lists and swear to stick to them. A week later you are back in exactly the same situation. Your life is running you and you are caught in a whirlwind of reaction. After living through this for a while, you begin to lose sight of yourself. You become your circumstance and become a machine operating to make things happen. You don't stop to realize that you are not a machine and that your purpose is not to fix things. How many people do you know who operate like this until one day their body reaches its limit and shuts down? The greatest example of this is a heart attack. I worked for a man who was so caught up in his new house and refurbishing it, that it took over his life. He got so mad at the carpet installers for not meeting their schedule that his heart literally exploded, causing his instantaneous death. He was 42 years old, coincidentally the same age as I am now.

In hindsight, was the house really that important? Should he have put so much emphasis on the carpet? Was this just a symptom of his overall behavior type? Sure, he had displays of anger before – he was known to beat his fists on walls when he would get mad. But if we look at the big picture, and I'll remember it till I die, we see the look of sorrow on his children's face sitting in that new house. Granted, it was a nice house, but it was meaningless without their father. I was probably about 25 years old when this happened and I remember it like it was yesterday. Still, I live my life in exactly the same manner as he did. I get just as caught up in life's details that I lose sight of self. I realize that I will suffer a similar fate unless I learn to live my life and not allow my life to live me.

Often times we do lose sight of our selves and our lives. We often, "Can't see the forest for the trees." The trees seem really big and scary and they grow larger and larger until we are caught up in the maze and can't see our way out. Suddenly, a life altering experience befalls us and puts life back into perspective. That sudden heart attack or losing your job is at first devastating until you realize that you had lost yourself. Once snapped back into reality, you make different choices and take the time to look deeply within yourself to see what it is that is really most important. Is it more important to keep the big house while losing your family because they are sick of trying to live with you? Is it more important to keep the job while losing the love of your life? Is it more important to succumb to illness while trying to hold onto your worldly goods?

Hey, the reality check usually comes just in the knick of time. Sadly, it comes too late for others. Larry King the talk show host has spoken many times about how his health crisis was a life altering experience for him. He was fortunate to have chosen to overcome and make the changes needed to bring his life back into proper perspective. Just last week, I experienced my life altering experience. I am told by friends that before this experience, I had a sallow look and was physically digressing rapidly. I did realize before that my circumstance was taking over, but I felt powerless to change it. I prayed for a year for God to take away my suffering and offer me a way out. Almost a year later, He did just that. He forced me out and forced me to look at my life and to reevaluate my choices. He has made me face one of my greatest fears and remarkably, the world did not come to an end. My suffering and stress have been greatly diminished and I am overwhelmed with inspiration as I write these words.

Deepak talks about being overwhelmed by circumstances, but that all of this is an illusion of reality. He gets deeply into detail and soon loses me again. I do understand that what appears to be one thing or the other is really something else. A failed relationship is devastating and takes on the weight given to it by each person. If we see the failed relationship as an opportunity for beginning another relationship, we are far more likely to proceed with an open heart and mind. If we see the failed relationship as the worst thing that has ever happened to us, then we will likely never again be truly open to another relationship and will drag old baggage into the new relationship. It is human nature to hold on to what we have and to want what we know. Change just scares us to death and we resist it with all of our might.

I have longed for the opportunity to relocate and have begged God for the chance to live a better life. I was so totally immersed in my circumstance that I couldn't imagine having to start over. Fear had me paralyzed and immobile. My soul called for me to seek change, but I just didn't have the guts to go. God unceremoniously kicked me in the rear and forced me to go. I was praying for a more subtle approach with the opportunity being presented before the door slammed shut. God just does what He pleases and seldom sees things my way. Isn't that frustrating? Why can't He just do what I ask? Remember, ask and you shall receive? Knock and the door will be opened? But noooooo, He had to slam me to the dirt and make me scratch my way back up.

On the other hand, perhaps God knew that I wouldn't go unless I had no choice. Maybe He knows me just a little better than I know myself. Maybe He is teaching me another one of those difficult life lessons. Or maybe, He is giving me exactly what I asked for. Maybe He is offering me the chance to write the book that my heart has so longed to write. Maybe He has forced me to do what it is that I really choose to do. Let's face it; accounting just really isn't my cup of tea. It is an honest living, but full of good times and laughter it ain't.

If we take the time to listen to our souls, we hear things that speak on a different level. We hear things that are really felt deeply within our hearts. God talked to Neale about doing that which is your highest thought. Your highest thought is the source of your greatest joy. Sadly, accounting just isn't my highest thought or desire. It pays the rent, but really doesn't crank my tractor. In fact, I really like cranking tractors. Having been raised on a farm, my heart will always be tied to my agricultural roots. I have always enjoyed the outdoors and often would have to leave the office just to maintain my sanity.

Maybe God has finally answered my prayers. Maybe He has given me a second chance to realize my life's purpose in its grandest fashion. Neale wrote many of his life experiences in FRIENDSHIP WITH GOD. It was at his life's perceived lowest point that he truly saw the light. I highly recommend that book and am thankful that Neale shared his experiences. What a terrific learning tool. I sit in my circumstance, which is certainly not as desperate as Neale's, and think about my own reality. What have I learned up to this point? Where do I go from here? What is the next rung on my ladder to God?

Looking back on times in your life when you experienced hopelessness, do they ever seem as bad as they did at the time? Could you not see the circumstance with a different point of view? If you could relive that time in your life, what would you do differently? Would you give it the same weight that you did when it happened? Surely not, you would look back and wonder why you worried so much. Granted, there are experiences that stay with us always such as the death of a loved one. These experiences are life's most difficult to overcome. My spiritual guru has talked many times about a customer she once had who had a child with congenital birth defects, whose life was spent in and out of hospitals, who died at age seven. In reflecting on the child's death, the mother said that she was so very lucky to have had the child in her life for seven years. What a wonderful advanced soul she must be. I am brought to tears just thinking about her sorrow. I am brought to tears just thinking about her joy and her terrific god-like perspective. Now that's a hero among us. We could surely learn from her.

I recently lost another supervisor to cancer. Oh what a wonderful person he was. It was such a joy to go to work each day. He made the work environment seem more like play. How devastating was his suffering and eventual death. More devastating was having to go back to work without him. The environment changed totally. There was instant chaos and fear and total lack of structure. I grieved terribly for my loss. It was not until I realized that he had served his purpose that I began to heal. He had lived a long and fruitful life and had but for a short time shown me what it is to be an excellent supervisor. I am a far better person for having known him. Every time I hear his name, I automatically smile in remembrance. He was definitely an angel among us. On the other hand, his wife was not totally amused by him or his actions. She didn't see him as such an angel, but was with him at the very end.

Chapter 4 – Who's In Charge Here, Anyway?

How do we learn to reconcile ourselves when good things happen to bad people and vice versa? This is one of life's greatest challenges and one of our greatest opportunities to learn about being God. If we choose our existence and our experiences, then we must also choose our time of death, as only we know when our purpose has been served and our soul's needs have been met. It is always assumed that God takes His children home when He is ready for them. How radical is the concept that His children die when they are ready to go home? If we believe that reincarnation is real, then we have to assume that our home is in the afterlife and our lives on earth are only temporary spans in the continuum of our soul's existence. We can think of life on earth as a growth period and the afterlife as our rest period. In the afterlife, we review and regroup and decide on our next experience. There is much debate about the existence of the afterlife and how it works.

Certainly, I do not know that an afterlife exists as I have no memory of the experience nor have I experienced knowledge of it here. We must speculate and each must decide for himself what he chooses to believe. I for one choose to believe that there is something out there, as I cannot believe that we live and die – party over.

If we choose to believe in the afterlife, how would this change our perspective? Would you behave differently if you knew that this life was only a tiny span in your soul's everlasting existence? Would you be more carefree to explore you life's experience if you knew that you were not going to be punished for your actions? Would you take more time off from work if you knew that your work was not as important as you had originally imagined? Would you have more fun if you knew that you were in control of your own destiny? Would you be more loving, giving and kind if you knew that you were only a passing spirit through this world? Consider how your life would be affected if you knew what God knows.

Having never really entertained the concept of reincarnation before meeting my spiritual guru, I had never really thought about it. Now that I have, I'm just really upset that I have wasted so much time trying to be good enough to earn a spot in heaven when I die. Drats!!! I was really looking forward to leaving this earth and sitting at the right hand of God and finally meeting my maker. I wanted some quality one on one time to explore life's mysteries with the One who makes all the rules. Hmmm, now I find out that He just lets us live and live and live making up our own rules as we go.

Talk about a life altering experience, this really puts things in a whole new light. I feel like I've been duped for 38 years and have struggled to obtain something that I already had. Now how fair is that? Why didn't God just tell me years ago that you are it and you make the rules? What could possibly have been the motivation for having kept me in the dark all those years? Was God just having a little fun by playing a trick on me? What's the deal here – I'm not amused. We all know how much fun it is to tell kids something that isn't true in spite of knowing that they will have their hopes later dashed. If you claim that you've never done this, let me remind of my personal anxiety suffered when I found out that there was no Santa Claus. Talk about being unamused – I was really mad and devastated. Was God just giving me the false hope of God so that He could later tell me that there is no God or worse that I'm God?

Talk about being crushed – what's a mortal to do. You struggle through life and find out that all of your illusions about God are just that – illusions. I always suspected that there was more to the story, but never imagined that there was so much more to the story. I never even thought that I might be an actual part of God and that I might be responsible for my own destiny. Talk about a horror story – it's a living nightmare. Or is it? On the other hand, haven't we always dreamed of being godlike and having all sorts of power? Did you ever pretend that you were a super hero with supernatural powers? I'm sure that I never did, but feel certain that others have (failed effort to save face – who didn't want to be Wonderwoman or Superman.)

Let's get real – we all want control and power. It is our natural inclination. Underneath the surface we all relish being in charge, being the boss. Haven't you ever said that if you were in charge, you would do things differently? Admit it – all of us have. It's only natural as part of God that we have internal cravings to be God. Granted, we can only be part of God as there is only one whole. And for me, being a part is quite enough of a load to bear. I can't imagine carrying the whole load. Maybe we can characterize souls as the parts and God as the whole. Perhaps differentiating us from God at least in terminology will give us a better perspective. As surely as you are a part of your parent, we must surely be a part of God.

Does this make us God or just a part of God? God told Neale that we are all one in the same. Perhaps Neale can understand that concept as a more advanced soul, but I'll just keep thinking of myself as one of the parts. Remember, I have to keep it simple or I'll get lost.

I guess in a scientific analogy, imagine that we are particles of God as our body is made up of zillions of particles. Naturally, Deepak gets into all of this, but I just get lost in the details and must again stick to the more simplified view. Let's just imagine ourselves as puzzle pieces – the puzzle can never be complete with out all the pieces; therefore, every piece is invaluable. Our experiences are part of God's total experience and without all of them, He isn't complete. Yeah, that puts it in an understandable format. I can keep up with this.

Certainly, we can infinitely complicate the scenario by imagining that change is constant. Ohhhh, I don't really want to go there. It's kind of like multiplication to a very high power. My mind really needs to stay away from the infinite and exponential. Aren't you impressed by how I throw around all those mathematical terms while having absolutely no concept of their meaning? I thought you needed a good laugh. Anyone who knows me, as does any math teacher who has ever taught me, realizes that to me infinite and exponential are simply words in the dictionary. I believe with all my heart that everything in life is mathematically explainable; however, I would be hard pressed to prove it. Why did I major in accounting if I am so bad at math? That question was posed to me by a counselor in college. No kidding.

On to brighter subjects....math gives me the creeps. Maybe in another life I'll choose to be more mathematically astute. Where was I – I seem to have drifted yet again.

Oh yes, back to the pieces of the whole. Now, do we suppose that one piece is larger than the others or some are perhaps more critical? Are the saint pieces much larger than the beginner soul pieces? At this point, does it really matter? I'm thinking not. This is one of those things you'll just have to find out for yourself.

Chapter 5 – God, Is That You?

Are you getting the impression that this book is a culmination of abstract thoughts and concepts? Then you are right. Trying to categorize my spiritual journey has proven to be absolutely impossible and impractical. So as to not lose you completely or bore you to death, I throw in a new chapter every so often just to give you a bathroom break. I am always excited to start a new chapter after I have a snack break and check what's on TV and do whatever I can do to keep from having to read one more word. (Flashback to reading an accounting text book – contemplate the ecstasy.)

Let us explore the existence of God's interactions in our lives. My spiritual guru believes in "signs" from God. God tells Neale that there is no such thing as coincidence and that He is the sender of all messages which appear to be most meaningful and inspirational. He tells Neale that He sends us messages through TV, songs, books, people, thoughts, feelings, etc. Any means available is used to convey His messages to us. Being ever so skeptical, I think often that some of the perceived signs are just wishful thinking. We see what we want to see and make things happen according to our desires. When we are feeling low and need a pick me up, seeing a sign that says, "God is love" really gives us what we need. Did we just stumble across the message or did God put it there for our benefit?

This very week, I was cleaning out my closet in anticipation of my much anticipated relocation. I was going through some papers and picked up a business card. I read the name on the card, turned the card over and saw a cell phone number on the back. I decided to throw it away as I had not heard from the person in a long time when almost instantly that person called me. He had heard about my situation and was calling to see how I was doing. Now, a believer in signs would take this as a comfort message from God. A doubter would see this as a very odd coincidence. What are the odds of this just being a coincidence?

Today, my spiritual guru was fussing at God for her lack of understanding about why good people die and bad people stick around to terrorize people. She is having a difficult time dealing with the deaths of good people who are dearly missed. She goes right to the source and asks God, fusses at God, and even is pouty with God. Feeling that God was not listening to her, she was in a doubtful, sorrowful mode. Almost instantly, she noticed a bracelet on a lady's wrist that said, "I am with you." She asked the lady about the bracelet and the lady stated that she is a Christian and that it was her message from God. Coincidence?

Haven't you ever experienced things that just seem to weird you out? Have you ever been thinking suddenly about someone and you feel a strange comfort? Do you ever walk by a book and you are drawn to pick it up? I once heard the story about someone walking through a bookstore and the book CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD fell on her head. Coincidence or God's desire for them to read the book? Some of us need to be literally hit in the head to get God's messages. It is easier to explain things away than to believe that God is actually an active participant in our lives. If you believe that God sends messages, you'll certainly start to look for them.

In our quest for spiritual maturity, we seem so bent on discrediting God and His existence while at the same time begging Him for help. Now how do we explain this? Either He is or is not. Pick one and proceed accordingly. There is no right or wrong choice and based on your choice, He will give you the help that you need. If it is proof of His existence that you seek, He will hit you on the head with it or gently guide you to the proof. Depending on you and what you need, He will convey Himself to you in a manner most suited to your needs.

Haven't you ever noticed people who seem to be more in tune spiritually than others? Some people just seem to have a gift that the rest of us don't have. What's up with that and why can't we all have gifts? Why do some of us struggle endlessly with simple concepts that are so very obvious to others? I guess spirituality is no different that mathematics – I just have a simple mind and need tutoring at all levels.

Has there ever been a time when you felt as if God were standing next to you? Have you ever experienced an overwhelming sense of relief and comfort? Have you ever been so excited that you literally wanted to jump up and down? What on earth causes you to feel these things? Perhaps winning the lottery would cause this much excitement, but short of that – why would you suddenly feel such joy for no reason? It happens to me and I feel so stupid for my unexplainable excitement. There are times when I feel that God is holding me in His hands and carrying me through tough times. There are times when I just feel a strange comfort for no reason. It is these times when I feel closest to God. It is these times when I feel that God really does exist and that I am a part of Him. These are the times which matter most. These are the times that I want to experience more often.

So, how do I increase my interactions with God and know that His messages are from Him when received? Spiritual awareness is something that varies with your spiritual maturity. Did Mother Teresa sit around wonder if an event was a sign from God? Did Jesus doubt that God was with Him always? Did He beat His fists on the ground and cry for God to help Him (except for that one time just before the crucifixion?) So, we all have weak moments – even Jesus was human, so cut Him a break. Jesus was a very advanced soul and was as close to God as is possible. Even at this level, He needed God's help. If Jesus can have a weak moment, then surely so can we. We just tend to have them far more frequently. I must admit that as I mature spiritually, I do feel closer to God and do interact with Him more often.

So many times in our lives when we feel scared we make God our first pit stop. Oh, God, help me, blah, blah, blah. After the crisis, God is forgotten like yesterday's news until the next crisis. I'm guessing that God gets pretty tired of being used like this. Certainly, I have only heard about this sort of thing and would never even dream of behaving so insensitively (wink, wink.) Shame on us all for only believing in God when we are afraid.

Speaking of being afraid, let us consider the concept of fear. God tells Neale that fear isn't real, but I think that it is. If you think that fear isn't real, try driving in Miami. If you think that fear isn't real, try being a Jew living in Germany while Hitler is in power. If you think that fear isn't real, try hearing your best friend's doctor announce that her cancer is incurable. If you think that fear isn't real, try a visit to a dentist's office. My recent oral surgery experience can be characterized by the use of the word fear. Sure, I do believe that fear is our imagination's creation, but doesn't it seem real when your heart is racing and you don't know what to do next?

If fear isn't real, then how do we eliminate it from our lives? While feeling afraid, realize why you are afraid, decide that fear won't help you and then change your thoughts. This is something that is much easier said than done. I'll need some additional practice on this one. I have never had a problem admitting my fear. If you feel it, admit it. The receptionist at the dentist's office assured me that I wasn't chicken, but I assured her that I was. Yep, this will take some work to overcome.

Except for the oral surgery, the anticipation of an event is usually scarier than the event. You spend so much time dreading something and then it passes as if a non-event. How could your time have been better spent? As a chronic worry wart, I waste most of my life dreading more than living. Isn't this a sad fact? I am a notorious planner and spend countless hours planning my life's events and direction. Sometimes I find that nothing beats a good plan; however, more often than not, I find that the best laid plans are a waste of precious time. It never fails that when I scrounge up some extra cash that an unforeseen emergency arises.

I always think about the ant and the grasshopper, the turtle and the hare. We should work diligently and save up for tomorrow. The race goes to the diligent not to the swift. Blah, blah, blah. Should we not focus more on our spiritual lives than on our physical lives? Is it better to have earned a $100 bucks or to have taken time to save a soul? Are our efforts put to the best use? Perhaps we each have different purposes and some have chosen to be wealthy as a means to help souls in need. Perhaps we are just greedy and want more money. Perhaps we don't care about the money, but just love the toys. If money is truly the root of all evil, why not just get rid of it? Now that brings up a powerful image – a world without money. We'd be back to trading rocks in no time. I would want the most rocks. My rocks would be in danger of being stolen so I would have to spend some rocks to buy insurance for my rocks. And so the cycle continues.

We must strive to achieve a sufficient balance between physical and spiritual life. We must not let one or the other out maneuver the other. We need to look at our own values, wishes and desires and choose our own life balance. Do you want money so that you can have what you want or do you want money so that you can do what you want? Do you feel that you need more than you have? Do you have a driving need to be the richest person in the world (move over Bill Gates?) Do you want to have enough money to live a quiet life and provide for your family? Do you want to contribute to humanitarian causes? Ask yourself and be honest with yourself knowing that there is no right or wrong answer.

A very wise man once told me that if you are not happy with your job, then the best hours of your life are wasted in misery. I heard his words and continued down the path of misery for the next twenty years. And who says I don't listen – I remember very well what he said and simply chose to ignore it. I was certain that I would just somehow magically drift into a job of my liking. Naïve? You could say that, but I haven't seemed to overcome my desire to have a job that I enjoy and just know that one day I will have my dream job. In my defense, I passed by my chosen profession on the advice of a parent. I gave up happiness for mediocre security. Once you finish college and start a job, it's kind of hard to start over. As the years roll by, it becomes even more difficult. Suddenly you are 42 years old and realize that your life is half over and you have just wasted most of it.

Great! Now what do I do? Talk about a middle age crisis and I'm right in the middle of it. Sure, I've done ok and have had steady success over the years. The resume' looks ok - there's nothing to be ashamed of on it. But, am I happy? Do I feel that I am serving my soul's chosen purpose? What should I do next? How do I make up for lost time? There are many folks who find themselves in just this predicament at least once in their lives. The deep desires can no longer be suppressed and our true desires erupt from the internal volcano. I always knew that I wanted to write and simply had a knack for cranking out the verbiage. I've never been a good speaker and have the worst stage fright. I am neither athlete nor superstar. I am an accountant with a great writer bottled up inside. Ok, great writer is just a bit of an overstatement – ok, it's a huge overstatement. A more accurate depiction is that I love to write and seem to have a boundless store of words just dying to come out.

My favorite subject in the whole world is God and I feel such a tremendous need to share whatever information I can drag up about Him. It is and always has been my highest thought to seek God at all levels and to help others see the light as I have. Maybe I can even help some get on the road to seeing a brighter light than I have. It matters not the level of conveyance – it matters most that I convey.

I am by no means a scholar nor do I have any special insight into knowing God. I am simply a fascinated believer and seek to know and convey all that I can. Sometimes, giving someone a small piece of food for thought can open up their lives in magnificent ways. Reading CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD made such a magnificent change in my life and I continue to reread all of Neale's books trying to eek out every morsel of knowledge and understanding given to us so generously by God. How profound are the writings of Deepak and he has teased me into hours of contemplation about God. There are so many wonderful messengers of God that I really wish I enjoyed reading. Thankfully, audio books come to my rescue. Never underestimate my resourcefulness and determination.

My soul craves more and more knowledge of God. I have a driving need to obtain spiritual maturity so that I can experience the peace of the masters. I want desperately to wear the outward peace reflected by God's Saints. I want even more so to share God's love with others. I do not wish to radically inflict my views nor values on others. I only wish to make available information that I have with those who are in need. I understand the great leap I had to take to reconcile my prior views with the views conveyed by God to Neale. The differences between the BIBLE and CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD are monumental and require much contemplation. A person who believes totally that they are going to heaven after death, as stated in the BIBLE, has a very hard time changing his beliefs toward reincarnation. Seeing oneself as God is absolute blasphemy to those who hold God in such high esteem and majesty.

I seek to bridge the gap and to help those who seek understanding a method to move closer to God by seeing Him the new light that He has shown. How wonderful is it that God has revealed Himself to us on a more personal level allowing us to be with Him and know Him as we have never before imagined that we could. Moses and Abraham had personal relationships with God, so why not us? Admit it – you are fascinated at the possibility of having your own conversation with God and having Him answer all your questions. I could not have been more excited and began immediately.

Granted, the sky didn't open up and the knowledge did not fall on my head. I still have trouble understanding the magnitude of God and will continue to need tutoring. God knows us better than we know ourselves and has offered us all the things that we need. We must take the first step and realize our needs. Then we can work on fulfilling them. Haven't you felt that God has given you some hints? Haven't you seen His subtle signs? Couldn't you just swear that you'd heard Him say something to you?

When He said, "Ask, and it shall be given," He meant it. We have trouble knowing what to ask for and understanding His answers. We have to ask better questions and seek greater understanding. Remember all the things you learned in life? Did the knowledge just drop into your head or did you actually have to make some effort? Take the first step. Take as many steps are you wish. Don't worry about not taking the right steps and don't worry about asking the wrong questions. God understands and wants you to know Him as He really is and wants you to realize who you really are – He wants you to know that you both are the same and that your soul's journey is to realize this.

Chapter 6 – So Many Choices...

We have now reached the pinnacle of our earthly existence – to know our soul's purpose. Now that we know that our soul seeks to know God and to be God, let's explore some of the specifics.

Ok, so I can't really explore your specifics since you choose them for yourself and I can't possibly know what they are. You have to jump in the driver's seat and take control of your destiny. Don't look back and never have regrets. Know that every experience is of your choosing, so give yourself the freedom to experience whatever you desire.

Whether you desire a change in employment, your personal life or relationships, seek spiritual growth and maturity, want just to experience life to the fullest or just feel the need to be closer to God – just do it. Throw caution to the wind, be aware of consequences and live life to the fullest. There's always a downside and consequences keep us grounded, but don't be overwhelmed so that you are paralyzed with fear. Learn to live more freely, but don't be foolish. I would never advise you to choose to satisfy your need for speed by jumping into a car of your choice and driving as fast as you choose. Really now, let's keep our wits about us.

Perhaps we should take a moment to examine our choices before we actually choose. If you felt the need for speed, consider first why you feel the need for speed and what will the experience give you. Are you really just seeking an adrenaline rush? Do you love feeling in control of a speeding car? Do you imagine yourself as an Indy car racer? Would a racing simulator provide you a more sensible need fulfillment? Seriously, examine the roots of your desires and seek to fulfill your needs at the highest level. Make every experience great by making wise choices. You don't want to have an experience that causes you or someone else harm.

Just as we have to strike an acceptable balance between the physical and the spiritual, we must also strike an acceptable balance between action and consequence. Life is full of choices and you have the freedom to do as you choose. You are just as free to make a mistake as you are to make the greatest action known to mankind. Your entire life will be filled with decision making opportunities as will your life be equally filled with the consequences of your choices. I prefer to make choices which cause the least ripples in the water; however, the consequences of my choices produce a very stable and mediocre life. I am by no means a risk taker nor do I live my life on the edge. I often feel that I have made choices which have greatly limited my life experiences but have lessened my fears.

My life balance is between stability and growth, but I always try to stay at the top of the curve venturing neither too far to the left or right, too poor or too rich. This has kept me alive and well physically but has squelched my spiritually. At 42, I am reviewing my experiences and choices and am looking toward future choices which will more fully fulfill my soul's purpose. Spending the next 20 years sitting behind a desk really doesn't give me the opportunity to experience life as I feel that I need to. I have spent the last 20 years sitting behind a desk, so I need to try something new. My soul seeks a different experience. That's not to say that I mind working, for I have always enjoyed working and being a productive member of society. I feel that it is my duty and I have worked diligently to contribute as much as possible by the fruits of my labor.

Since I have to work, why not choose to enjoy the work. I remember someone telling me that if you love your work, you can't help but be successful. Many times I have thought about this, but have never really had the courage to venture out into uncharted waters. We've all heard about taking a leap of faith, but when faced with the choice, we back away in fear. Again, that evil word fear. Have you ever thought about the impact of fear in your life? How many choices do we make with fear being the primary factor? I sometimes think that fear is my master and I am its slave. If you knew me, you would surely agree.

Why are we so paralyzed with fear? Why does it outweigh every other impulse? Haven't you had a bright idea and begin immediately to talk yourself out of it? You start the internal dialog of dissention with the fear logic winning every time. I want very much to go to Las Vegas, but.....it would cost too much, I can't afford it, why do you want to waste that much money, that's rent money, etc. Soon, I can't even believe that I even considered taking a trip. I want to move to Orlando, but.....I don't have a job there, I won't be able to pay my bills, I'll just have to take any job I can find, I'll be poor, the cost of living is much higher, etc. You can imagine that I haven't moved to Orlando – it would just be ridiculous and I can't believe I even considered it. Didn't I tell you that chicken is my middle name?

How do I put what I've learned about God into practical daily use? How do I overcome my self created fear based reality and learn to live a life of my choosing? How do I learn to appreciate every life experience instead of seeing some things as good and some things as bad? How do I see life through new god-like insight so that I don't ever feel resentment or hatred ever again? God surely needs to open the clouds for me on these questions. After all, I'm only human. Or am I?

Just as Jesus learned, being human is tough. So many experiences of mortal existence cause us to do things against our better judgment. We take jobs we don't like just to pay the rent. We contain our honesty and say what we need to in order to get along. Life sometimes seems like an endless path to learning how not to be open and honest. I've spent many years learning to take alternate routes up the mountain or simply to not go there at all. I have spent the past 42 years learning how not to be me. This flies in the face of everything that God would now have us learn. I won't say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but it certainly isn't easy.

For 42 years, I have built my behavior based on the years of experience. I have learned that speeding tickets are to be avoided; hurricanes just don't play; most people don't really want to know your opinions; sunburns hurt a lot; etc. Can you imagine trying to relearn behavior after all these years? I just can't seem to keep from falling back into the same old patterns. I may boldly decide to change my life and exercise more. And just how long do you think that lasts? If I don't see almost immediate results, I'm done. Remember, I just love a short cut. Perhaps being very short with an even shorter attention span has created my fondness for short cuts. Hmmm, that's just how my mind works. Imagine the difficulty, and I've tried this, of trying to reprogram my powers of concentration. I have forced myself to sit for hours forcing my thoughts back to the subject time and again. I just can't seem to increase my attention span no matter how great the desire.

I must realize that I have this deficit, or is it a deficit? Perhaps having a short attention span is to my benefit. It keeps my mind sharp and my thoughts always fresh. Maybe it is one of my assets. Maybe it is poorly suited for accounting and meditation, but may be great for creating a rapidly moving action filled life. Maybe a change in perspective will assist with my understanding of how to make choices more suitable for me.

Certainly, we can not change the world and make everything happen according to our wishes. We are not islands completely separate from all others. What then can we change so that we can make our lives more fulfilling? There is nothing that we can change except ourselves. I read several books on relationships (ok, I read parts of them.) Basically, every book said the same thing – you can't change other people, you can only change yourself. Focus on yourself and the rest will follow. Just when I was certain that all of my relationship problems were caused by others – I just knew that the only fault of mine was having made poor choices in the persons whom I selected. Certainly, reality and honesty made me realize that I had faults, but overall I saw myself as a good person and that I was a decent catch - nothing fabulous, but certainly someone worthy of having.

Mulling over the relationship advice, I began to realize the wisdom in the words. We can't keep others from cheating despite our best efforts. We can present ourselves in a most positive light and distract, or attract may be the better word, the person so that they have no desire to cheat. We can behave in a manner so charming (as we all did in the beginning) and make them wonder why on earth would they ever look at another. Think about it – you can only change yourself! Decide what you want and behave accordingly. Once upon a time, I found myself magically attracted to someone whom I believed was far beyond my reach. I was certain that I could never share time with the apple of my eye. Strikingly handsome – there's just no other way to describe the person.

As if my magic, and with my mind taking action for which I personally would never have done, as I am extremely shy, I spoke to the person and within a few minutes had a date and a relationship which lasted for some time. Wow, how could this have happened? How could I get someone like that? What happened and where was I while a smooth operator took over my body? It seems funny now, but I was in shock at the time. I guess at a deeper level, I was able to overcome my fears and go for the prize. Or, perhaps aliens took over my body and needed the other person for scientific testing. I'm not saying that aliens are real as I haven't personally met any, but I really believe that my soul jumped in the driver's seat and took control.

This relationship would never have happened if I had not changed myself. I had to overlook all of my insecurities and shyness and just go for the gusto. How many times have we wanted someone to see things our way? We have actually contemplated ways to convince others to come on over to our side and see the light. It is frustrating to have so many people just not understand our way of thinking which is obviously the correct thinking or why would we be thinking this way. Why can't people just understand – it is so simple to comprehend. Perhaps this thought may have passed through the mind of my calculus instructor during my tenure.

Face it folks, I can no more change another person than I can change the weather. Everyone has their own minds and desires which drive their behavior. Hark back to one of your relationships and take an objective, as much as is possible, look at it from beginning to end. Relationships start out as fun and exciting. Suddenly, you can't stand each other and if you find one more sock on the floor, you'll just scream. Next news flash, someone is either slipping around or walking out the door. How does this happen? How do we go from kissy-kissy to mortal enemies in such a short time? How do we let a personal habit, once thought to be so cute, become the object of our hatred? Sometimes the change is gradual like a bear sneaking up on you from behind. Sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks. Why are relationship counselors getting so rich? The answer is obvious – we can't make people behave how we want them to.

I have researched the secrets of long-happy relationships and found that there is a strong desire between both parties to make it work and the willingness to change to accommodate the continuance of the relationship. We have always believed that love is the key to a successful relationship and I certainly don't want to undermine that concept as I believe that love is the key to life; however, couples who are madly in love often breakup. Why, you ask? Simple – they love themselves and refuse to compromise. If you know that your partner hates your leaving clothes on the floor and you continue to leave clothes on the floor, the signs point to trouble ahead. It has very little to do with the love of the relationship, it is a practical matter and a few irritants can add up to a really big problem.

If you value your relationship, just pick up your clothes or take out the trash or do the dishes. Don't get caught in a war of wills after which there are no winners. The movie THE WAR OF THE ROSES was a great example of this. Don't stand on an issue to the point that you are sitting alone hating the person and trying to figure out why you just couldn't get along. Or, wondering why you always pick losers. There comes a point when we all must do the math and realize that while we are pointing a finger at someone else, there are always fingers pointing back at us. Perhaps we are the problem. Perhaps we may need to do some self-analysis and maybe, just maybe, make a few changes.

People every day spend zillions of dollars on counselors. Do we really suppose that counselors have the answers? Let me differentiate between real psychological counseling needs and those of us who are just too lazy to analyze ourselves. One day my secretary expressed that she was feeling depressed and needed to see a counselor (let's not assume that working for me caused the depression.) Knowing her and her brilliance, I suggested that a counselor would not help her – that she should do something to occupy her mind. I encouraged her to enroll in college; she did, and has not mentioned being depressed again. She fussed and complained about homework, etc., but never again mentioned depression. She seemed too excited and couldn't wait to share the great news with her family. In fact, her father sent me his thanks for getting her back in college. I believe that the source of her depression was lack of esteem as her parents and siblings all have degrees. Being the black sheep, she never felt smart enough to be in college. Of course, when your dad has a Doctorate in engineering and works for NASA, a child with an associate's degree may feel less than adequate.

This simple exercise in getting to the root of the problem and dealing with it is often our best solution. When you feel swallowed up by the trees, go outside and see the forest. Counselors use simple techniques which allow you to solve your own problems. We often assume that counselors are somehow psychic and can solve our problems. Really now, is that realistic? Have you ever been to a counselor? Did you walk in, sit down and have the counselor tell you all the answers to your problems? No, it doesn't work like that. Once our family went to a family counselor and I won't get into why our "Brady Bunch" type family needed to seek counseling. Suffice it to say that the counselor asked questions, listened to our answers, and then offered problem solving suggestions. He told us that we needed to be more considerate of each other and help more around the house, blah, blah, blah. There were no pearls of magical wisdom dropped upon us. I remember us leaving and laughing about the entire experience.

What can someone else tell us about ourselves that we do not know? Going to college does not offer a person special insight into my personal self. The degree sure looks nice, but gives the counselor about as much theoretical knowledge as I had upon leaving school. Very little of the accounting that I did looked anything like what I learned in school. Given that accounting is far more standardized than psychology, how much less would a counseling graduate know about their field than does an accountant? Every person is very, very unique. Are two people depressed about the same thing? Can you even begin to quantify depression? Scientists and scholars try very hard, but the human mind is truly the final frontier and will never be completely understood by scientists who have to use the human mind to understand the human mind. Now, I think I've rambled again.

I think that counselors provide a wonderful and insightful service to those who seek advice. I don't think that counselors provide us direction, but only make us look within ourselves. Never underestimate a good personal improvement book. I have many books which I have willingly bought in hopes of having my questions answered. I guess, at 42, I realize that I have more questions than ever, but the questions continue to change with every life experience. There never seems to be a level of intellectual satisfaction. I realized this when I got more and more degrees yet still seek another. I have Associate's, Bachelor's and Master's Degrees, yet I feel that if I don't get a Doctorate then I just don't have enough. Persons with one Doctorate often seek another or various other degrees. The quest for knowledge seems, as we eventually realize, endless.

On the other hand, if we assume that ignorance is bliss and we are satisfied with what we know, then is this any more or less acceptable? There are people who get a GED and are more excited than I was earning a masters degree. How can this possibly be? We tend to judge others by our own standards and fail to realize that each person's choices are driven by their own soul's needs. I can say with certainty that there are those who have worked harder to get a GED than I did getting a master's degree. Does this mean that the GED is more or less valuable? I didn't jump up and down when I got my degrees, but I have seen many students jump and scream for having gotten their GEDs. I guess that passing calculus would have given me a greater sense of accomplishment as I saw it as unobtainable. Each person must make value judgments and look within themselves to see what is most important.

Judging our lives based on worldly standards can cause us great disappointment and heartache. Truly our only judge can and should be us. Who in the world can objectively evaluate my life and accomplishments? We often allow the judgments of others to overshadow our own. I may think that I did an excellent job, but my supervisor may have a different opinion. My supervisor may not know that I worked 20 hour days and gave up my personal life. My supervisor only sees results and judges accordingly. If I allow my supervisor's opinion to overshadow my own, then I have cheated myself if I truly believe that I have given my best effort. Why is the opinion of a supervisor more important than our own? Is this fair? As I often say, fair is the thing that comes to town in October and in no other way relates to life. Life is not fair – and realistically, how can it be? If no two people are the same, how can we then assume that we can implement a system of fair treatment for all?

Our government has always struggled to provide the most equitable system possible. Affirmative Action, Equal Rights, Discrimination Laws, Separation Between Church and State, Democratic Voting, etc., are all systems developed in an effort to bring as much equality as possible to our country. Yet, we know that fairness just isn't possible. Discrimination still occurs, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, the person with the most money usually gets elected, etc. We can sit here till the cows come home listing our societal injustices. We can make every effort to make changes and I do encourage people to cast their votes and speak their minds. It may not be totally fair, but visit another country and then try to complain about our system. Castro could teach you a few things about what isn't fair.

So, if we can not be judged by worldly standards, then how are we to know if we are doing ok? If we now assume that God isn't judging us, then how in the world are we going to know where we stand? The BIBLE teaches that we should judge not lest we be judged; He who is without sin cast the first stone; take the log out of your own eye before worrying about the stick in the eye of another; etc. Have you ever stepped out on a limb and offered a judgment about someone else? We fancy ourselves as non-judgmental and picture ourselves as accepting of everyone. Folks, be honest – we all pass judgment on everyone we come in contact with. Why do we feel the over-powering need to see everyone through our perceptive filters? I guess our judgments are so special and all insightfully accurate that we can't help but share. What was she thinking when she picked those clothes? Has he lost his mind? Why in the world would she do something like that? Meanwhile, someone is judging us just as we are judging them. Do you ever stop to think that we are judged just as we judge? Certainly not, we are above reproach.

We like to think that only others are judgmental and discriminatory. I don't care how open minded you see yourself; you immediately make judgments of others based on first impressions. If you run into someone more than once, you feel obligated to offer additional judgments. We really have to make a conscious effort to overcome our seemingly natural tendency to be judgmental. Once you realize that judgment is not a natural tendency but is learned, you can start the un-learning process. We aren't born thinking that we should judge. Picture a baby lying around contemplating the shear lunacy of the decorations in the room. Who was stupid enough to think that I wanted all of this junk in my crib? I would never have picked these colors. How do we learn to judge? We are taught from the beginning to judge, by those around us, who have inflicted their will upon us.

We tell kids that Johnny is bad because he can't behave. We tell kids that they shouldn't play with Susie because she is different. We tell kids that they can't ask Larry over to the house because his family isn't like ours. How sad is this? We justify our actions thinking that teaching our kids to be like us will make their lives easier. We want our children to follow through life on our path of perfection – childhood, school, college, marriage, picket fence, children, grand-children, retirement, and death. Realizing historically that most parents push their children down the path of perfection, it is surprising to evaluate the record of failure. What percentage of children actually start on this path and continue through their entire lives on this path? We justify our actions by noting our good intentions.

Having worked with economically disadvantaged students for over eleven years, I assure you that a significant number of students today have fallen off of the path of perfection. Many never even started on the path. Today's path of doing the best that you can – abusive childhood, broken home, school, dropout, behavioral problem, criminal activity, low paying job, children out of wedlock, non-payment of child support, economic failure, welfare, and death (if death did not come early due to criminal activity.) You would be surprised at the number of children whose future is this scenario. I was shocked at the high rate of school dropouts. Having never had the choice to drop out of school as my parents did not allow this, I just couldn't imagine why/how so many children do. Do some research and be amazed.

I have to toss this in as one of my most favorite examples of how judgmental we are. At work, I received a report of a disciplinary problem with one of the students. Tom was being picked on by Johnny. I asked Tom to my office first to get his version. Tom told me that Johnny was picking on him and that he just wanted Johnny to stop. I then had Johnny come to my office and inquired about the cause of his behavior. He began to tell me that Tom was "slow" and that everyone picked on him. He didn't really mean any harm, he was just having fun. Further inquiry revealed the Johnny was also "slow" but not to the degree of Tom. (Slow is a term that students use to characterize students with learning disabilities/handicaps. Certainly, I only use the term to accurately portray the situation and certainly do not endorse the use of the term due to its inaccuracy.) I found it ironic that Johnny picks on Tom in the same way that Johnny gets picked on by those not as "slow" as him. How sad is this? Instead of realizing that Tom is "slow" and offering him help, Johnny takes advantage and rolls the torture downhill.

I had gotten the situational picture and had conferred with the instructor and counselor to verify the student's backgrounds and abilities (it is always prudent to get some background before taking action as you can easily inflame a situation if you don't know the history.) I asked Johnny if he would push someone over who was in a wheelchair – if that was the sort of thing that he enjoyed? Would he kick someone on their broken leg just to watch them suffer? Why did he enjoy picking on those he felt were "slow?" Would he like it if I treated him the way he treated Tom?

Johnny was a changed person after that. He had never stopped to think how Tom felt or how abusive he had been to Tom. He just thought it was fun and he enjoyed picking on someone who couldn't/wouldn't fight back. Johnny laughed when I gave him the wheelchair image. You could see the clouds part and a ray of sunshine beam down. Johnny apologized to Tom and helped him as much as he could after that.

Johnny's perceptive filter made it ok to do as is done to you. If my boss is mean to me, then certainly I can be mean to those under me. Don't kid yourself, this mentality is universally pervasive. Working for twenty years in the corporate world has proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that __it does roll downhill! (Pardon my inplied French.)

While we sit on our pedestal in our glass house.....we should have ourselves a dose of reality. We could use some food for thought. We could greatly benefit by stopping our judgments of others and put our efforts to better use. Besides, if you are so perfect, why aren't you rich? I have to put myself into perspective and this saying always does.

Oh, that dreaded self-assessment comes back up to bat. We are the only true judges and only we can judge ourselves truthfully. Oh sure, I'll just be really objective with myself. I'll put on my rose colored glasses and see myself as nearly perfect just as I did in the relationship analysis. I won't see any or at least very few minor problems with my performance as I know just how hard I work. Can we really judge ourselves? Seeing ourselves through our perceptive filters skews the results. I can sit down and look at a particular situation and imagine that I am an objective observer. Can I really be objective? Not totally. I can only be as objective as I can given my involvement in the situation. If I am vested in a situation, I will always be distracted by the trees. I will not be able to see the forest because I may be holding on to one of the trees. Being a tree hugger, in this scenario, is not a helpful thing.

Self-assessment is very difficult and almost impossible. With simple events, we can see that running a red light was inappropriate. If we ran a red light after seeing that no one is at or approaching the intersection in an effort to get a bleeding patient to the hospital, then perhaps the criteria is different. Looking at the overall circumstance (the forest) can offer us better insight for making our judgment. Often, we must seek the opinions of others being careful to receive the opinion and use it for its intended purpose. We can't let the opinions of others overshadow our own. How many times have we asked a friend for their thoughts on a situation? Did the friend have all the facts or just those given by us having been passed through our perceptive filters? Our friends mean well, but you aren't being fair to them or yourself if you don't convey all the facts of the situation. Leaving out even one detail can significantly alter the opinion.

We tend to value the opinions of some more than others. Generally, the opinions issued by Supreme Court Justices are seen as the highest form of judicial excellence (except in the case of the Florida Presidential Ballot Scandal.) We see the Justices as full of wisdom with excellent moral character. Give yourself a giggle; picture any one of our Presidents as a Supreme Court Justice. We would have some festive opinions issued from some of those guys. Have you ever heard of a sex scandal in the Supreme Court? The Justices are simply held in very high esteem and we value their legal opinions beyond all others.

We tend to choose our friends and confidants who are most like ourselves and share many of the same opinions. Surely, friends can have different opinions, but generally agree on many things. The old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together" is very true. If I like to ride motorcycles then I will seek out others who have the same interest. If I like to party, I will seek out a party crowd. If I like to bird watch, why bore my other friends to death by trying to get them to participate in bird watching. Certainly, variety is the spice of life, but we do need to find friends who bring us comfort and understanding. If I am a kind and gentle person, I will not seek the advice of a hell-raising hate filled person. And why not? Is their opinion wrong or do I just assume that it is not what I need because they do not behave as I do? I'm thinking that I just put a judgment on someone based solely on their behavior. I don't know the person from Adam's house cat, but have just eliminated his possible opinion from the pool.

Why do we do this? Why do we judge others without ever having known them? We really do judge books by their covers and run them up the creek for their behavior. If my first encounter with someone is at a party and they are behaving in my opinion inappropriately, will I ever really be able to forget or overcome that initial impression? Will the behavior leap to the front of my memory every time I see that person? Only if I take the time to really get to know the person will I be able to see that the person had just had dental surgery and was functioning on pain killers, not as I had assumed stumbling around in a drunken stupor. Of course, would it make any real difference to me what the reason for the behavior was? I am by no means a drinker of alcohol and that is not to say that I haven't tried it in the past. I do not condemn those who choose to drink, but do not enjoy being around those who have chosen to imbibe to excess. Intoxicated persons have a tendency to be very loud and very obnoxious. I simply prefer to avoid interaction at that time.

I have known people who are alcoholics and I have nothing but sympathy for them. I have enough trouble in this life without being physically drawn to alcohol. I can surely understand addiction and try to not be judgmental. I just love to eat and really have to keep myself away from the frig. Nothing satisfies those cravings quite like FOOD! That's another addiction for another time. I've rambled again.

The only alcoholic problem which really should concern me is my own. If I am an alcoholic, then I should be honest with myself, admit my problem and seek solutions. If my life is affected by the drinking of another, I should not offer an unsolicited opinion or judgment. I should offer assistance or opinions only if requested. No body likes a butt-insky and everybody hates an overbearing know-it-all. Click over to a picture of being accosted by a holy-roller and not being able to get away. How many times have we not answered the door in order to avoid a religious zealot? Have you ever walked out of your way to avoid someone spreading "The Word" at an airport?

Are more people drawn to God by internal spiritual desire or by a leaflet left on your car? Honestly, I understand the need to spread The Word or Good News, but really didn't listen until I first sought the information after having felt the desire to learn. I was drawn by the pull of being like someone whom I saw as spiritually fulfilled. The example shown by another made me want to know their motivation. Only after I asked, did I truly want to hear. I courteously listened to the messages of others, but never really let it get past the mental door. I had to want it before I sought it.

We have a tendency to want to inflict our views on others (which is not the same as writing this book. I didn't force you to buy it or leave a copy on your car or ring your doorbell, or offer you a copy at the airport or meet you at the church door with a copy, or hold you down and make you take it, etc. I merely made the information available.) We do love to share our vast wealth of knowledge with others. I have often chuckled about people who love nothing better than to tell you what they know – actually, that is true for just about everyone. We get so excited about our own discoveries and revelations that we just have to tell someone.

As a "Born Again" Christian, I felt such joy that I just had to tell everyone. Blah, blah, blah. Was anyone interested? No. As soon as the new wore off, I was back to my information quest and sought my next spiritual level. I have learned over the years that because I think everyone should know does not necessarily mean that everyone needs or wants to know. I came to the conclusion that if someone asks, I'll answer. As I don't like to be accosted by people shoving their beliefs down my throat, I tend to keep my thoughts to myself unless presented with a question. I have tremendous respect for those who live their lives as an example of their beliefs, but do not force their beliefs on others.

Can't you just see God holding up a sign at an intersection touting His wares? How cheesy would that be and would you want to know a God who is represented by someone preaching hate and violence? When we conjure up a vision of a church, we think of a place of worship and comfort. When we enter a church, we sometimes find judgment, hatred, racism, money-mongering, etc. Think of the person going to church for the first time seeking to know God and hearing from the pulpit that this or that is an abomination and God will judge everyone according to their deeds and God hates a sinner and everyone is a sinner. Was this God's intended message? Do you not know that this happens every day? Chances are you have heard these very words if you have ever gone to church.

We have let the BIBLE take the place of God, forgetting that the BIBLE was written by men through their perceptive filters many years ago. As a young Christian, I read with great horror Hal Linden's book THE LATE GREAT PLANET EARTH. Talk about scary. I was mortified and waited and prayed hoping I would not experience the horrors described in the book. I did get a good perspective from the book in that Hal noted that the writer of the book of revelation could not possibly have known what a helicopter is and had to describe it in the terms most familiar to them. The BIBLE was written a very long time ago, but who knew what the predominant societal factors would be in the years to follow. Did the writers of the BIBLE ever consider that perhaps women are not second class citizens and would pay taxes just as men do? They wrote through their own perceptive filters and we assume that what was written is in fact the way God intended us to behave for all time.

In many ways, the BIBLE keeps us at a distance from God. It teaches that God is in heaven and is vengeful and to be feared and will punish you. I don't think that the intention of the writers was to separate us from God, but the reality is that it does. I love the BIBLE and have spent countless hours reading it in short attention span spurts. I do believe that it contains more wisdom than all other books ever written. What would the BIBLE say if God issued a revised version today? It would probably turn religions on their ears. The CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD books offer a profoundly different view of God from the BIBLE. God does not discredit the BIBLE and does include excerpts from it in the books; however, God's words in the books offer an extremely different perspective than that of the BIBLE:

Conversations with God – God is non-judgmental and there is no right or wrong.

BIBLE – God punishes sinners and everyone is a sinner and has fallen short of the Glory of the Lord.

Many religions feed on fear. How many churches would exist as we know them if God came on TV and announced that He does not punish sinners? Churches would have going out of business sales everywhere, unless they change their operations to reflect this new philosophy. Think of all the religions in the world going from "you are a sinner" to "you are God." I'm guessing that attendance would shoot up exponentially. People go to church for many reasons, but I only know the reason that I go to church. I enjoy being in the company of people who love God. I have no preference of the church type or location – I go for the warm and comforting feeling that I get when I'm in the presence of God's people.

I am by no means a church basher and was never more uplifted than when I joined the church. I just wish that churches could focus more on love and kindness than on money and discrimination. We hear preachers every Sunday say that God loves everyone equally and that all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of the Lord; then we hear Jerry Falwell, such an esteemed religious leader of our time, respected by millions, blame the Trade Center Bombings on God's punishment of homosexuals. Now really, do you think that God actually kills almost 4,000 people because He is punishing homosexuals? Do you really think that aids is God's way of teaching homosexuals a lesson, as some have suggested? If this is true, then why has God not inflicted serious illnesses upon other sinners, such as adulterers, fornicators, and murders? God seems very selective when dishing out punishments upon perceived sinners, and often seems rather cruel when illnesses are inflicted upon the righteous. Jesus was without sin and look what God did to Him.

Let's jump over to another favorite of mine. Do you think that God sent Hitler to punish the Jews, His chosen people? Do you think that God sent the KKK to punish blacks for being black? Do you think that God sent Hurricane Andrew to teach the people of Homestead a lesson? Do you think that God blew up the space shuttle to teach the astronauts a lesson? I do remember reading that people used to think that God was so pissed that man was going to the moon that He didn't really allow it to happen – that man just made up the lunar landing. Do you think that God just sits around looking for ways to punish His creations?

Sometimes, I just have to laugh at how petty we believe God to be. We personify God as we see Him and give Him our characteristics. Can't you just picture God laughing at our narrow minded thoughts? Are we so arrogant that we believe that God needs us? Perhaps God would be nothing if we didn't worship Him. Just as a superstar would be a nobody if he had no fans, God would be a nobody without His worshipers. Yep, surely this is so because why else would God work so hard to keep us under control with all the threats and punishments? What's God's real motive here? What is in it for Him? What does He care whether it exists or not – is He just in it for the tithes given to the church? Can't you just picture God sitting in heaven counting all the cash.....one zillion, two zillion, three zillion – oh, I can't wait to hit the sale at the mall.

If we assume that God is everywhere all the time, picture Him at the following events behaving in a manner similar to the event coordinators:

A hate crime – He would have to be chanting kill him, kill him, kill the one who isn't like us

A KKK rally – He would have to be chanting hate all those blacks and Jews

An Iraqi prison – He would have to be clipping on the electrodes and turning up the power

A Nazi concentration camp – He would have to be giggling as He turned on the gas

A black hanging – He would be shouting loudly to hurry up and rid us of another black societal leech

Can you really see God condoning such tragic human events? I do not choose to see God in this light and much prefer to see God frowning upon such things. I once heard a story about a famous person dressing up as a bum and going to a church to see what reaction he would get. He was asked to the leave the church. Is this really representative of God's behavior? If we consider a church to be the House of God, how then can anyone be turned away?

There's a new trend in religion today which seeks to smooth over hatred and punishment – love the sinner and hate the sin. Jerry Falwell has, in response to the outrage directed at him for his unbelievably insensitive remarks, changed his stance on homosexuals - to now love them, but hate their orientation. See, even Jerry can change, so why can't we? Poor Jerry is still clinging to Biblical references which do not reflect the love of God, but after being lambasted in the media, did decide that holding on as tightly as before would be very expensive; thusly, he negotiated the least offensive solution for both sides. How many of us are clinging to Biblical lines which deep down we know cause us to hate? Does not the KKK cling to Biblical lines just as tightly? On of their favorites is the reference to the inappropriate mating of red birds and blue birds.

Take ten types of people and search the BIBLE specifically for justification of hatred of them and you'll be surprised to find reasons to hate them all. Do the research – you'll be amazed and will learn about the BIBLE at the same time. A two for one deal, and you didn't even have to leave the house. What a bargain!

It is amazing the many different images and supposed/superimposed visions of God there are. It is just not enough to love and be loved. There always has to be an ulterior motive. We are so suspicious of everything that we can't wipe away our insecurities and see that love is all there is and all that we need. We would do well to remember that Jesus is quoted in the BIBLE preaching, "Love thy neighbor as thyself;" "Judge not lest ye be judged;" and "He who is without sin cast the first stone." It is very seldom, if ever, that we hear these quotes from the pulpits.

If Jesus were here today, preaching from our pulpits, would His sermons be different from those that we currently hear? It is my belief that we must learn to live without judgment and see everyone as our equal. This is what love truly exemplifies and is the perfect demonstration of brotherly love.

Chapter 7 – Ain't Love Grand?

What's all the hype about love? God says that love is all that there is. Country singers wail about lost loves and broken hearts. Every magazine has an article or reference to love. "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved." Love is a many splendered thing." Let's face it – love IS a many splendered thing! Never in our lives are we more alive than when we are in love. At no other time do we feel as if we are in heaven. Why do we so often choose to put love on the back burner? Why would we rather find reasons to hate than to love? If God is love and we are God, then why aren't we more loving?

Try for a day to be the most loving person possible. I am almost 100% positive that you will have a great day. Then, once you realize how good it feels, try it again and again. I don't mean to be nice; I mean to actually choose to be loving. See people as love (and let's not jump into the gutter and assume I mean physical love) and give love. The exhibition of love on your face will almost certainly be reflected (if you are typically sour, there may be some skepticism at first.) People will be amazed at the wonderful new you. They will open up to you almost instantly. Think about people whom you have met who exude love. Didn't you just want to hug them? Wasn't there an unexplainable need to be near them? And didn't you feel good when you were around them? Then why do we not do this more often?

Life just seems to get in the way. It's hard to think about love when the toilet overflows and the kids are screaming and the dog is sick and your best friend is in the hospital and the in-laws are coming and your spouse just lost his job and you can't pay the mortgage and you have to put the car in the shop and the neighbors just called the police on your for disturbing the peace.....yeah, feel the love. Talk about swallowing a good dose of reality, try this on for size.

So how do we learn to step outside of the circumstance and take control of our lives? This requires much practice and determination. Every day we here horrible stories about people getting sick and losing every thing and yet managing to rise above it. Neale gave us his tales of woe and we know that they are not isolated. Mortals face incredible obstacles to love and it's amazing that we don't just go stark raving mad. I saw a recent news story about a father who lost his entire family when a flood swept away his vehicle. I would be headed for some counseling in short order. I can't even begin to imagine what this man must be feeling. And who thinks hell can be any worse? I'm guessing that this man is already in the worst sort of hell.

Imagine the fortitude that it takes for that man to get up in the morning and face another day. Surely he hears the laughter of his children and the nagging of his wife – even if imagined. People who lose limbs speak of feeling sensation where the limb was. What sort of sensations do you think that this man feels while missing his entire family? It's no wonder that people just go over the proverbial edge or commit suicide. How much can a human take? Our first thought as always is "Why God? How could you let this happen?"

If God is love, He just would not allow such a thing to happen. If we are God, why would we choose to experience such a profound loss? Our soul may desire the experience but our body still has to live with the consequences. I just can't imagine choosing such a thing. Of course, I can't imagine being God or being reincarnated. I still just can't seem to grasp the big picture. I feel confident that there is one, but just can't seem to bring it into focus. Nor can I smile in the face of tragedy and be glad that my soul is getting the requested experience. Where's the love, because I am just not feeling it.

The masters tell us that through our spiritual growth, we will learn more and more the ways of God and will learn to put aside things in the physical realm and know them as part of the journey and fulfillment of the soul. We will one day understand that what can be done to the body cannot be done to the soul – and only the soul is real. The mind views things based partially on physical reality and partially on spiritual reality. Growth provides us a higher level of understanding. One day we will celebrate death instead of mourn as we will understand that a soul has fulfilled its purpose in this life. One day we will celebrate every experience as a fulfillment of our desires.

Once we understand that life on earth is but a building block in the journey of our soul, we can then begin to understand that there is nothing in life that can cause our soul harm and that physical harm is really just a bump in the road of inconsequential value. If we imagine our souls as separate from our bodies or just a car in which our soul travels, then our journey really begins – our journey toward knowing and being God. God does not see death the same way that we do. Let's imagine that God sees our earthly lives kind of like we see each year of our schooling. Ok, in kindergarten, you learned to write your name. In the first grade you learned to spell. Etc. In the first earthly life of a new soul, the person may choose to cruise – just taking in the physical stuff. In the second earthly life the soul is more advanced and seeks perhaps to learn about joy. Etc.

As a parent watches a child proceed through school, God observes and experiences through us. Since God can't personally have a physical life on earth, He uses the pieces of Himself to learn what it feels like to die, to suffer, to love, to win, etc. He lives vicariously through each of us and He created us for this purpose. If He said you can only do this or that, then how could He fully appreciate the beauty of our choices and experiences? How could He know the horror of the consequences of our actions? We cannot understand His physical being as it is beyond our imagination. If you were born blind then you would not know what it is to see. Similarly, God sees through our eyes.

Whoa!!!! That's some really heavy stuff to absorb. Better bring it down a notch lest I get lost. Back to the concept of overlooking the physical and focusing on the spiritual. Our soul could care less about our body having to file bankruptcy, so we have to learn that material things are less important than we have always thought them to be. The more we realize that our soul lives on forever, the more we can enjoy the experience of living and can live our lives to the fullest. If we think that our time is up when our bodies die, we will hold on tightly to our bodies and gasp for every last breath. I have heard that immediately before and after death, a person appears at peace. Perhaps this is a clue that they have seen something better?

Back to the car analogy. Your old car is sent to the junk yard and you are off to buy a new one – are you happy or sad? You might miss the old one a little, but the new one drives like a dream. Would you rather hang on in the old one or try out the new one? People cling to life as if it is all there is. We are so entrenched in our perceived reality that we can't see the actual one. So you decide that you've had enough of the old model and are ready to take a spin in the new one.....or maybe, it doesn't happen just like that. Perhaps after you scrap the old one, you need to reflect for a while on the experiences that you've had before you decide if you want to try out a new one.

Hmmm, we are really pushing the envelope now. What's this – a reflective time after death? If we assume that the soul lives on, then we know that something happens after death. Having not died or certainly not remembering death, I can't say with certainty what happens next. I can only imagine based on research done. So, our soul has shed its earthly skin and is magically somewhere. Where are we or are we nowhere or perhaps we are in what we think is heaven? I do not know and you'll just have to take this up with God.

Let's imagine that we are in heaven and that it is a place of our creation with all of our favorite things and people around us (if only in our dreams.) We chill for a while and reflect on what we've learned. Every busy soul needs to rest and reflect just as our earthly bodies do. How long do we rest, you ask? In God's world, time doesn't exist, so let's not worry about that. Let's say it's about two weeks because we all like a two week vacation and are most familiar with that concept. Let's pretend that our soul is having a much deserved two week vacation in Hawaii. Now there's a dream I can enjoy.

So, the soul is lying on the beach in a lounge chair sipping a cool drink reflecting and decompressing from all that earthly stuff. The vacation is a wonderful time full of joy and relaxation. But, like every good soul, the vacation can't last forever. It's time to get back to work. A soul gets bored just lying around all day and needs to go for the gusto. So, the soul decides what the next life experiences will be and what the soul's vehicle will look like. After the choices are made, it's time to blast off – back to earth for another dazzling round of spiritual needs fulfillment.

And so on and so on until, I assume, the soul is finished or chooses another purpose. Perhaps the soul wants to be an afterlife advisor. Perhaps the soul wants to spend more time in the afterlife. Perhaps the soul comes to earth as an angel. Honestly, I really don't know and can only imagine. God has the answers, so ask Him.

I feel like I've been around the world in three days. Is there a topic that we haven't covered? I feel like we've covered so many topics that I'll have to reread what is written because I can't remember. The words came so fast that my mind just couldn't keep up. Whew!! My fingers are aching from typing and I need a break. God is dropping the words faster than I can get them in the computer. Talk about getting some rapid fire inspiration, I am getting it and can't wait to pass it along. Good news travels fast, but not nearly as fast as a scandal. Just kidding. Put some laughter in your life.

Letting go of the tight hold that we have on life is a magical experience. Just as when we sleep, we can do unimaginable things. If our minds can do it, why can't we? We have all heard people say that you can do whatever you put your mind to do. If you dream it, you can achieve it. Why is this not so? Think about Bill Gates and what he has accomplished in his short time on earth. Do you think he sweats the small stuff? Do you think he cares about what other people think? No, because this would be a waste of his time. He focuses on what he deems most important and the rest takes care of itself. He is a good example for the rest of us – he did not sit around concocting financial plans. He focused on making computers user friendly and goes to work every day still working on making better software. He doesn't focus on the money, he is product oriented.

What if our soul is our product and we become product oriented? Better yet, what if love is our product and we become product oriented? Now this presents an interesting scenario. If you got up in the morning and went to work to produce love (and let's keep it clean,) you would give it your best shot and would work diligently to produce the most love possible. Envision that love is a tangible product packed into shipping boxes like candy. You'd work with others and have marketing staff doing demographic studies. You'd have shipping contracts, inventory count specialists, cost control analysts, maintenance staff, etc. Knowing that supply must keep up with demand and that demand increases with customer satisfaction, you'd have to keep on your toes and factor in expansion forecasts for production. If love were a product, demand would surely increase very rapidly. Your neighbors get some love at the local store and suddenly everyone wants some. Lines form at store to be the next to get some love. Soon there are mobs and fights for the last love in the store. Amazing how good things can turn ugly in a hurry. Remember trying to find a certain toy for which demand greatly exceeded supply?

So, production increases to meet demand and everyone who wants love can readily get it. Suddenly, it no longer holds our attention as it once did. Soon, you can't give your love away. Everyone is just sick of so much love. The discount stores can't give it away. What happens now? Our market base has dried up and we are sure to go out of business. Don't write us off yet – our research department has just developed a new improved love and production is to begin at once. The cycle continues over and over and over. In the same way that our relationships start hot and quickly cool off, human desire seems to ebb and peak in all aspects and with all experiences. Once I was dying to get a new DVD player, but after getting it, I've barely used it. What's up with this? Is our enjoyment more in the getting than the having? Do we want to find love more than we want to have it? Can we never be satisfied?

Many times we confuse love with lust. Just as in the relationship example I mentioned before, I wanted the person but never loved the person. Attraction does not equal love. Love is really the most over used word on the planet. We want to be in love so we think that we are. Perhaps we should examine what love really is. We all know that even if we say we love our car, we don't really (except for teenage boys who do in fact care more about their cars.) When movie stars blow kisses at the crowd and profess their love for the fans, do we really believe that they love each fan or just love having fans? It has been my experience that love is the rarest of things – the most difficult thing to get.

Love is not like, fondness, a crush, lust, need or want. Love is a depth that is immense just as God's love for us is. Love is without bounds and there is nothing known to produce it or replicate it. Love has always been and always will be. The initial spark of lust is often confused with love. Love is a feeling with none to compare. It is like magic.

Lust makes us act foolish, stupid, giddy, childish, unselfish, generous, fun filled and spirit filled. Imagine if we could forever have that awesome feeling. Realistically, we would lose everything that we had and would not be able to accomplish a thing. We forget about work, health, friends, family, responsibilities, etc. We literally lose our minds to the feeling. Like the euphoria of drugs, we are drawn to lust like moths to a flame. We can't understand why it doesn't last forever? We would choose a flash of lust over everlasting love out of our ignorance and immaturity. Once you realize that the flash of lust lasts but a very short time just like a drug induced high, the illusion tends to fade. You begin to realize that all that glitters isn't gold, but is really a chemically induced rush within the brain. It is nature's way of ensuring the survival of the species.

God, in His infinite wisdom, created lust for a specific purpose. The feeling is so great at first that it is romanticized as love. We read about it, talk about it, long for it, search for it, dream about it, etc. Yet it is not as it appears – it is not a deep and abiding love which surpasses the ages and bounds of mortal reality. Lust is the flash of attraction which brings us in contact with another to provide the opportunity for true love. I have lusted after many, but have truly loved very few. We jump into relationships thinking that we are in love, when really we are in love with the concept of love. We rush into marriages feeling giddy and happy, just knowing that this will last forever. Statistically, it won't last forever. We have somehow been given the false impression that by getting married, we will live in love forever. Marriage is not a guarantee of anything.

True love is a very difficult concept for us to grasp. We are so taken in by tales of romance and love that we envision love as that. The ending of so many fairy tales is, "...and they lived happily ever after." How do you know? How do you know that they didn't fall out of lust, go through a bitter divorce and live the rest of their lives with deep regrets? Fairy tales are named tales for a reason. Didn't we all think that Charles and Diana were the perfect incarnation of a fairy tale romance? And they did not live happily ever after, just as most couples don't.

It is my experience that true love is extremely rare. How many couples do you know that share an infinite bond of desire and commitment? How many couples do you know that feel love after 50, 60 or 70 years? The concept of soul mates is one that my spiritual guru and I wrangle with. She thinks that there are soul mates who are forever on our spiritual journey. She thinks that there are those who we feel an innate connection with for no explicable reason - she feels that these souls have been connected to us in past lives perhaps with different relationship types (someone who is your friend in this life could have been your mother in another life.) I do know that there are people who just seem to flock to us for no reason, acting as if they have known us always. Are they just friendly, do we seem like people they want to get to know, or have we known them before? If arguing about something would solve the problem, then we would surely have the answer as we have discussed this so many times.

I guess if we consider that love is unconditional and everlasting, then soul mates are possible. Soul mates perhaps are real - this would be more efficient as it would eliminate our need to find someone new. (Just kidding.) In the movie WHAT DREAMS MAY COME, the husband and wife decide to return to earth and commit to find each other again. You are just going to have to find the answer for yourself by asking the answer man upstairs.

You know how some people become your friends almost immediately? Ever wonder why some people just seem to get you and what you are about? Have you ever had one of those weird experiences when someone popped into your life, profoundly affected you and then suddenly disappeared? Remember that odd feeling that you got after the person left - as if you had just been in the company of an angel? We've all heard stories of mysterious strangers appearing at the scene of an accident, performing a rescue and suddenly vanishing. These things happen every day all over the world and we are so jaded that we write them off as imagination. Just maybe, God sent these special helpers to you in response to a need. Maybe you forgot that you had asked God for help or intervention, so you didn't realize the magnitude of the event or witness God's answer to your prayer.

We are forever babbling to and at God, just knowing that He isn't listening. Have you ever finished babbling and waited for God's answer? You might find, just as Neale did, that God does in fact answer immediately. Once you realize this, talk about having some regrets – you'll be kicking yourself for not having listened to the answers. Because we are so smart, we listen to our own internal dialog and take it to be the wisdom of the ages. Now really, I don't know about you, but I'm finding with each passing year that I am not nearly as smart as I was when I was younger around about age 18. I have grown steadily more ignorant over the years, but continue to listen to that crap my mind dishes out as if it were fact. If you want to have a disappointing experience, listen to your mind. Many is the time that I wrestled internally with a what-to-do situation. More often than not, as evidenced by the fascinating life I've led, I have listened to my head and not my heart. Go with what you know. Better not take a chance on that. Take the easy route. I have listened to my head to the point that my heart just talks to hear itself.

Now, listening to your heart can be a treacherous choice. Perhaps we should distinguish our heart from our hormones, our love from our lust. Does my heart tell me to go dashing after a complete stranger or do my hormones throw caution to the wind? Never underestimate the power of hormones. They don't teach you in school the power of the almighty hormone. Reflecting on my life while experiencing hormonally inspired physical changes, I have come to realize the power of our internal chemicals. Scientists are learning more each day about how much less of what we do is choice than we first thought. I guess it's like a car with nitrous except the body decides when it needs a boost and not the driver. You are cruising along on a Sunday afternoon just enjoying the experience when suddenly the car accelerates and you are thrown back in the seat. You have a tough time holding on but it feels so good that you just can't turn it off. Ever seen a cute guy or gal and kind of get the same feeling I just described?

Knowing when to shut off the nitrous is what I like to call "no stupid." When we see ourselves doing something that we know we shouldn't, we are prudent to tell ourselves "no stupid." A married man is sitting in a coffee shop minding his own business when suddenly a vision of loveliness approaches and asks to join him. He is so smitten that he invites her over and offers to get her coffee. They begin having a most terrific conversation about something that he would never talk about (actually, he isn't even listening) and soon time has gotten away from him. He is so fascinated that he just has to see her again. He gets her number and rushes home to his wife. He can't get her out of his mind. He becomes totally preoccupied and soon is ignoring his responsibilities and his family. I'll stop the story here because the rest doesn't matter. At what point should the man have said "no stupid." Granted, there is no right or wrong answer and either way, there are consequences to face. Realizing immediately the hormonal attraction should be a flashing caution sign for a married person.

Choosing to carry on a harmless conversation can surely be justified. We can rationalize anything that we choose. Remember the movie FATAL ATTRACTION? I think that is a perfect portrayal of negative consequences, unless you can somehow rationalize a positive consequence such as maybe the tramp got what she deserved. How quickly we blame one party to infidelity and not the other. Do we forget that it takes two to tango? Or do we just have double standards? It's always been ok for men to be promiscuous but women are always considered loose for such activity. Wake up folks – men usually cheat with women! Women usually cheat with men! Why is one more wrong than the other? This has always fascinated me how society rationalizes this double standard. Men are thought to be predestined to cheat and therefore it is ok. Do you think that perhaps men made up this rationalization because they didn't choose to say "no stupid?" And even more ridiculous is that women have bought in to this rationalization. Ladies, wake up and smell the coffee.

In fact, I do think that women have realized that perhaps they haven't been given a fair shake in the past and are starting to assert themselves. Think of the changes made by women just in this century. Women have finally realized that they are an equal part as half of humanity and should have equal rights. Granted, there are still those who will elect a man every time, and just think of all those women who joined men in criticizing Ms. Clinton for her participation in her husband's career. Like it or not, Ms. Clinton was as much a partner in the Clinton presidency as was Mr. Clinton. He didn't get to the White House by himself and we are simple minded if we think that he did. We see the rather meek Ms. Bush and just can't imagine that she does anything but knit. Get real – she is as much a politician as her husband. Society as a whole dislikes and discredits powerful women. Why is this so? We all talk about equal rights but rarely do our actions reflect equality. In fairness to men, how quickly do we call a man who wants to be a stay-at-home dad a loser? Could this be any more wrong? Oh, I've drifted way off course this time.....back to the subject.

Oh, where do we go from here? I just don't feel that we've adequately covered the subject of love. I think that we don't fully understand the concept therefore we can't convey an appropriate description of it. Words are a filter which often alters the intended message. Two people describing the same thing will write about it in completely different words. The individual filters of perception and linguistic interpretation make for different conveyances. With a concept as large as love, who can truly convey its meaning? Only feeling love can allow you to know love. The BIBLE states that love is patient, love is kind...but even the BIBLE cannot make me know what it is to love. Only the experience can make me understand.

I just don't think that I can further facilitate your understanding of love. I suggest that you reflect on your own experiences and realize the love that you feel. Most people think of grandparents with great fondness and love. I remember that my grandfather used to take me to the little country store and tell me to get some candy. I don't remember to this day experiencing anything which excited me more than looking in the candy display and trying to pick out the best possible candy. Back in the day, we didn't get to go to the store every day, so this was quite the treat. Kids today think absolutely nothing of getting candy at the store. I'm sure you can give yourself a treat by taking a moment to remember something from your past. Let me see that smile!

Money can't buy that feeling. It was not about the candy, but about the love and joy. It was about doing something fun and exciting. Let me see, when was the last time that I did something fun and exciting.....hmmm, I think it was about four years ago. Now how sad is that? The older we get the less we allow ourselves to do things just for fun. Or maybe like Steve Martin used to say, you realize that things aren't going to be fun so you refuse to participate. He used to do a skit about a young person bouncing up and saying, "Let's go camping!" You slam the door knowing that it won't be any fun. Maybe you've gone camping and your experience won't allow you to try it again.

We become less and less open minded as we mature. This is both good and bad. We learn to not play in the street, but learn also not to take chances. This greatly limits our ability to be open to new loving experiences. A closed minded person is generally a very miserable person. Our unwillingness to experience new things cheats us in ways we cannot even imagine. What if we had gone on that trip and met a wonderful friend? What if we had decided to stop and talk to someone we met at a party? What if we had pursued that dream of becoming a charter boat captain? What if we had.....I think that we all have regrets, but dwelling on them does not provide us with a positive experience, so we'll learn to be more open minded. We'll learn to look for wonderful new experiences with open minds and spirits. Yes, we will......be scared to death and will have to force ourselves out of our comfort zones.

Force yourself to live for love and not for practicality. Ohhh, that's a hard one for me. I usually live for practicality and hope that love comes along. That's kind of backward and usually provides me minimal reward for minimal input. You get out of life what you put into it. More often than not, this is the case, unless you inherit a zillion dollars from your very rich relatives. Of course, having not earned the money, you have no appreciation for it and quickly lose it all. So, you got out of it what you put into it. In college years ago, I was taught the concept of GIGO – garbage in, garbage out. Life works basically on this principle. If you put garbage in, you'll get garbage out and vice versa. The same with relationships.

While performing an introspective look at your life and realizing that it just isn't all that you want, get busy and change your life. If this hasn't worked for you, try that. If you want to be more loving, try it. If you want to be more daring and exciting, try daring and exciting things. Do things that you've always wanted to do but were afraid. I once had the brilliant idea to get a motorcycle, as I had always thought it would be so much fun. I bought a bike, put 1,500 miles on it and sold it. It just wasn't as much fun as I had imagined, but I'm glad that I had the experience. I once thought that I wanted to be a band director. I never did it and regret it to this day. I could fill up several pages with such examples of choices I've made.

I truly hope that the future will not be filled with as many regrets as I have from the past. I hope that 42 years has taught me something and that the next 42 years will be spent seeking to fulfill my soul's desires. If I have learned nothing else, give life and love a chance and never sell yourself short or believe that you don't deserve all that you desire. Live your life to the fullest knowing that this is just a speed bump in the road of your soul's existence. Don't waste this precious time feeling sad and full of regrets. If you aren't getting out of life what you want – do something different, do everything differently. Make a conscious decision to do what you want and get what you want. There is nothing that God can't or won't give you if it is your soul's desire.

That brings up another point at which most people lose interest in God. When "ask and you shall receive" does not produce desired results. And yes, I have asked and not received. I have asked, begged, cajoled, whined, asked politely, cried, etc., and not received that million dollars that I so desperately needed. Humph, yeah, yeah, ask and you shall receive blah, blah, blah. God and the BIBLE are big fat liars. Ok, so maybe I didn't ask the right way. I asked every way that I knew, but still no million. I tried every trick in my bag yet I still am broke. Maybe I was asking with the wrong motives – God doesn't like greed, so I had to change my M.O. to a more altruistic approach. Give me two million and I'll give one million to charity. Cool, huh? Still no money fell from the sky. What's up with the scam? I've heard other people say that God answers their prayers and requests. So what about me? There must be something wrong with me. And on and on and on I go trying to make God do what I want Him to.

One day, I have had enough and decide that God is bogus and I will just stop asking. If He doesn't want me then I don't want Him. Fine. I'm through with God. It's all a bunch of crap anyway. People pray for healing and never get it. People beg for relief from suffering and don't get it. People are begging for food and don't get it. If there is a God, then He just doesn't care about us. Perhaps I suffer from sour grapes? Perhaps my guilt trip on God wasn't working? Perhaps I am so simple minded that I actually thought that money would bring me happiness? Actually, I have been that simple minded and often continue to have those tendencies.

A serious review of my unanswered prayers reminds me of a recent song by Garth Brooks which says, "Some of life's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." Sometimes what you want may not be what you actually need. Maybe God knows that giving me a million bucks would not satisfy me – half would go to the IRS which would leave me with only $500,000 and I know that in this economy, you can't go very far on that. So, I would need more and more and more. What would I do if $500,000 fell out of the sky on me and I knew that it was mine from God? Oh, I wouldn't sleep, I'd plan and scheme and waste my life trying to hold on to the money. It would take over my life and become my life. A friend of mine once worked for a bank call center. She told the funniest stories about people who had tons of money calling the bank every single day to check on interest rates. Yes, sadly, that would probably be the accountant in me. Instead of enjoying my gift, I would become obsessive and lose sight of the purpose. I've got some work to do in the let go and let God department.

Realizing my shortcomings and knowing my tendencies toward security, I have to know that God does fulfill our needs and will provide for our every legitimate need. There has never been a time in my life when I have not had all that I have needed, yet my fear of being without paralyzes me. I have worked in some crappy jobs just to keep from facing my fear of doing without. How do we let ourselves be overcome by fear to the point that we cheat ourselves out of life? Many times we do this subconsciously and only after introspection do we realize our true motives. Fear is a powerful thing and God may say that it doesn't exist; I know that whether real or imagined, it is real to me. My fear of snakes keeps me from enjoying walks in the woods. My fear of rejection keeps me from taking chances with people. My fear of losing my life keeps me from enjoying it.

Look deeply within yourself and honestly evaluate your motives and true needs. I do honestly believe that God answers my requests according to my needs. I remember falling to the floor and crying hysterically upon learning that one of my closest friends had inoperable cancer. This was only a few months after losing another friend to cancer. I cried and begged God to heal her, as I just could not bear to lose another friend. She is such a good person and does not deserve to die. God quickly let me know that it was not about me or Him and that her time of death was her choosing – that her situation was her choosing and her being healed or not was a matter of her choosing. God assured me that she was doing what fulfilled her soul's needs and that she having suffered much and her body weakened – just maybe she's had enough? Maybe her choices for her outweighed my choices for her? Maybe she did not choose to continue or maybe she did. God told me that it was entirely up to her.

Hmmm, now isn't that interesting? That really gave some brain food to chew. I have had a totally different perspective since. If she chooses to live, I will be happy. If she chooses to die, I will be happy for her and sad for me. Going through this with her has been a good and bad experience filled with a depth of emotion that leaves you forever changed. We have to learn to step outside of our own selfishness and let people do what is right for them. Just as we want to make our own choices, we have to appreciate the choices of others. Does it hurt to lose a friend? Yes, very much. Am I glad that they were in my life if even for a short time? Yes, very glad. Instead of feeling bad for losing a friend, be glad for having known them. How much would you have missed if you had never known them? This doesn't cover the pain, but does let you understand that it's not about you, but about them. Do you want someone making your choices for you? I think not, and have come to realize that everything is not about me. God answers prayers in accordance with the soul's needs and does not work things out to my personal liking just because I think that I know best.

We have to look a little deeper than we are accustomed to get to God's level. Getting a Mercedes will not satisfy my soul's need for spiritual fulfillment. Look for the soul's need in all that you ask, lest you be disappointed with God for your shortsightedness. Why do we really want to be the envy of all? Why do we want to be rich and famous? Why do we want to serve the poor? Why do we want to solve all of the world's problems? What experiences are our souls seeking in this life? Remember, in the soul's realm, things are not as they may appear on the surface to us. If our soul chose the experience of humility, then what can we expect in this life?

Seek wisdom from God to understand your soul's desires. Realize that you may have just learned that you have a soul and may have to travel a long road to realize its purpose. You may still not believe that souls exist so how can you get in touch with your soul's desires? It is never too early or too late to chart a new course. The fact that this book has fallen into your hands is no accident and is a definite response to your desire to learn and understand. There is no such thing as coincidence; therefore, your soul is searching. For what your soul searches, only you and God have the answer. Ask and He will give you what your soul desires. Learn to understand that you are a piece of God and you will learn to fulfill your soul's desires.

I cannot begin to understand the mysteries of God. I am having a tough time bridging the gap between the physical and the spiritual, but know that asking is receiving and I will one day understand. I will learn and I will not stop until I do. I am determined to know God and be God. It is my destiny and my desire. As with anything worth having, it is worth working for. Only that which is earned can be truly appreciated. Telling me about God does not cause me to know God. Experiencing God gives me a true understanding. Those times when you feel that God is within you giving you the power to feel true love are the times that cause us to know God. Those times make us feel truly alive. Those times are so wonderful that they surpass description. Those times are what life is all about and the reason for our never ending quest for God. Having never seen God, we spend our lives trying to find Him. Having never heard His voice, we spend our days praying for Him.

I remember seeing on TV a special documentary about the Shroud of Turin. After many exhaustive tests, one scientist said roughly that he has no proof that there is a God, but he has less proof that there isn't one. You may not have proof that there is a God, but isn't the evidence fairly overwhelming that there is a God? Every one must judge for him/her self. What do you believe?

I feel that we are nearing the end of this part of our journey and beginning a new journey. What have we learned? What do we want? What do we believe? Where do we go from here? See what I mean about more answers begetting more questions? The endless cycle will continue until our souls are satisfied. This process has been ongoing throughout my 42 years and I suspect that it will continue for so long as my soul desires.

If we have learned nothing else, we have learned to learn. We have learned to seek realizing that we will find. If you seek love, you will find it. If you seek God, you will find Him. If you choose to know God, you will. If you choose to rent a car tomorrow, you will. (Thought we needed a break from the monotony.) And so on and on.

God is different for everyone. God is neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. If we examine the world's experiences and beliefs about God we will see that almost like a beam of light converging on a single point, God becomes the same for all when all see Him as He really is. As a beam of light is made up of many colors, so is God made up of many souls. As no two souls are the same, God is the same for no two souls. Now that is a point to ponder, but you can contemplate that on your own.

I have experienced God both from a Biblical perspective and from a personal perspective. I much prefer the personal perspective as God is so much more than the BIBLE portrays. God is so much more than even the best writers can portray. God is beyond your wildest imaginings and as part of Him, we are no different.

If you choose to know God only from the BIBLE – this is good. If you choose to know God at all – this is good. If you think that God is a bunch of romanticized religious make believe – this is good. God gives you the freedom to be you and to believe as you choose. Why would He then limit your freedom and punish you? If you want to know God, it really does help to imagine yourself as God. Picture yourself as the all-being, all-knowing master of everything, maker of all. Do you really care if Johnny believes in heaven or hell? Do you really think that Sue needs to be just like every body else? Do you really want Fred to live his entire life being afraid of you? Do you really enjoy punishing sinners when you know there is no such thing as sin? Do you picture yourself as loving and kind or a dictatorial ruler of all? Do you think that God relishes in His ability to make humans behave this way or that way? If God wanted robots, then surely He would have made us robots.

We have taught our children a version of God which suits our purpose not God's. We have chosen to bind our minds with implanted notions of God's wrath. We would rather utilize God for our own power and control than for our love and enjoyment. For centuries, God is portrayed in a manner which restricts our freedom. Are we so sure that this was God's intention? Perhaps when God gave the Ten Commandments He was offering ten suggestions for more loving societies to consider? Thou shalt not kill is a very wise suggestion for everyone to follow. No society encourages killing, as this is not beneficial and is not a reflection of love. Love thy neighbor as thyself – brilliant. Thou shalt not covet – see the wisdom here? Etc.

Has God been taken out of context and been used for the selfish gains of man? Is this possible? Or do we really believe that God wants His earth filled with obedient servants? If you want people to worship you – you have two choices: make them or allow them. If you force people to worship you, then you are not truly being worshipped. If you are worshipped freely, then truly you are worthy. Is God so shallow that He would enjoy forcing people to worship Him? I think not – and do not choose to follow one who forces me. I choose to believe in a God who loves me and expects me to be me. I choose to believe in a God that offers me guidance when He knows that I am doing something not in my best interest. I choose to believe in a God who lets me learn from my mistakes and teaches me to learn all that I can. I choose to believe in a God who wants the very best for me, not for Him. I choose to believe in a God whose happiness does not depend on my behavior. I choose to believe in a God who smiles at me and loves me regardless of my actions. I choose to believe in a God of unconditional love.

What God do you choose? Do you choose God at all? Do you choose to think about it for a while? Do you choose to not choose at all? Whatever, whenever – do as you please. God supports your every choice.

Have you read enough? Have we questioned enough? Are you totally confused? Could you just give God a piece of your mind? Being ever diligent, I feel compelled to go on and on. Being of short attention span, I feel compelled to end this chapter and this book so that we can move on to the business at hand – knowing and experiencing God. Yet, I must realize that there are other topics which beg to be explored. So, let us continue with our quest for knowledge.

Chapter 8 – So, What Are You Going To Do?

I remember seeing in one of the Indiana Jones movies the part when Indiana realizes that he has to take a leap of faith – he has to cross a bridge that he cannot see. Of course he is scared, but he knows that it is necessary to save his father. How many of us have stood in that place and tried to decide what o do – whether to take the leap or take the safe choice? Many times in my life I have wanted so very badly to do something, but never seemed to have the courage. Is there a point in life when we just decide once and for all to take the chance or do we spend the rest of our lives settling for less? The first 42 years of my life have been spent doing the latter. I realize that I have cheated myself many times out of potentially wonderful experiences. Is this the way that I wish to continue my life – making choices based on my fears and insecurities? How would my life have been different if I had made those decisions which I felt moved my soul? Have you ever faced such decisions? How often does fear control your decisions?

If you are like me, the answer is far too often. How do we give ourselves the courage to face our fears? Some of the recent TV shows present such challenges. Remembering back, think of all the game shows on TV and think about how many times you advised the contestant to take the known rather than risk it all for the unknown. If you have $4,000 in the bank, why take the chance on losing it all or winning $10,000? Do you take the known or take the risk? Life is much the same if you think about it. Everything is a gamble. You play the odds and hope that you win enough to stay in the game. (No, I don't have a gambling problem as I can't make myself take a chance.) I once went to Las Vegas for a week. Guess how much I wagered? I put the $2 roll of nickels that I had been given by my company into the slot machines and lost them. That was the total of my high rolling in Las Vegas. I live my life in exactly the same way.

I am just sick of settling for less and really want to live and experience life to the fullest. I just know that one day, I will feel the internal desire and will just shoot the moon. I feel that I have lost much and gained little with my conservatism. I once read that the average millionaire has declared bankruptcy 2.5 times. If you play the odds, eventually you win. There recently was a couple who had bought lottery tickets every week for 15 years and finally did win. There are stories galore of people who have finally achieved their goals, but only after having faith in themselves and taking the chances that made the opportunity possible. Can you be a successful entrepreneur if you never start a business? Will you win the lottery if you don't buy tickets? Will you become a famous athlete if you don't play sports? Sometimes, we have to give God a boost and follow our internal desires.

A fool and his money are soon parted. We've all heard this and know that it is true. If you don't believe it, take your own trip to Las Vegas and see for yourself. It is not my intention to advise taking foolish chances. If I know that I can't swim, why jump in the water? Don't be foolish, but we also have heard, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" and know that it is also true. We must decide for ourselves what we want and what we are willing to risk to get it. If I really want to live in Orlando, then I have to decide how I can accomplish the move. I have to have the courage to know that I can and will find a way and that my happiness depends upon it. If my desire to move is so great that I just can't ignore it, then why should I? It is difficult to take chances as I very well know, but I know that a life of mediocrity also leaves something to be desired.

Have you ever sat down and thought about all the things you wish you'd done? Maybe you always wanted to take flying lessons or piano lessons or ballet lessons or guitar lessons, etc. You wish you had married your high school sweetheart or ran for political office. I wish I'd studied in college or majored in what I really enjoyed. You wish, I wish, we all wish......Stop wishing and start doing. Remove your behind from the recliner and turn off the TV. Do something that you've always wanted to do, and you are never too old. There are sky diving grannies that enjoy themselves every day. Are there sky diving accountants? Oh, I think not, especially not this one, but you get my point.

There is a very fine line between success and failure – there is not the great chasm that we imagine. Two people with similar abilities may walk the same path doing the same thing with totally different results. What makes the difference? Just as beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, so does success or failure. If you see something as successful, then it is. If you see something as a failure, then it is. Perception is the only difference. It may be a wonderful accomplishment for Donald Trump to make a million, but for me to make a million is something beyond belief. For Hank Aaron to hit a homerun is one thing, but for me to do the same would be mind boggling. This is not to say that I can do neither, but first I must believe. I learned in school, "Can't never could and won't never would." Such wisdom from such poor grammar.

So, what's it going to be - sitting around having the usual pity party, making excuses or living the experiences that you deserve and are fully capable of having? Regardless of your perspective, go and be successful doing whatever makes you happy. Oh, but they won't like me or I really can't are simply ways to keep yourself safe without allowing yourself to feel good. I like watching TV, but I would rather be on TV (not really as I am camera shy.) I like watching sports, but I would have a blast playing. Look at him playing golf, I bet I could beat him. Only if I picked up a club and started swinging. Get the picture? Golf is not as easy as it appears on TV and yes I did pick up a club and gave it a whirl. Wasn't really the sport for me, but you may be the next local pro, you never know (poetry included at no additional cost.)

When is an excuse an excuse and not a reason? When is it legitimate? I can't go to the dance because I can't dance. Do you think that this is a reason or an excuse? In my case it is valid to say that I can't dance, but surely I can go to the dance and choose to not dance (and I am using the term dance very loosely in reference to my fancy footwork.) I have found that regardless of my dancing ability, after a couple of hours, someone can get me on the floor after I realize that not everyone has smooth moves. It's really not that I can't dance, but that I do so very poorly and don't wish to embarrass myself. Always look for the root cause of your behavior as it can be very enlightening. It's not as if I have had years of dancing lessons or that anyone expects me to dance like a professional, so why do I limit my experiences? I give more credence to what others might think than their opinions merit.

Does it really matter what other people think about us? Give yourself a giggle and think about all the fun you didn't have because of what other people might think? (waiting......) I bet you could drag up some good examples quickly. Would you guess that at least half of your life has been spent doing what other people want or might expect you to do? I would actually estimate that most of my 42 years have been spent trying to please others. And what have I gotten for my trouble? What have you gotten for your trouble? What has God gotten for our trouble? Very little. I have sold my soul for the supposed satisfaction of others. We all seek praise and admiration. Why? Have you ever really wondered why we all want to be the team captain or the head cheer leader? We think that it will bring us praise and admiration and that these will fulfill our needs. We all love a pat on the back and sometimes it's just what the doctor ordered, but what really brings us satisfaction felt deeply within our souls? For me it is the experience of helping another. For some it may be job satisfaction. For some it may be love. For some it may be serving God. What brings you the greatest joy and happiness?

Is it more important for us to see ourselves in a good light or for others to see us in a good light? There are people who receive great acclaim who, when home alone, commit suicide. How can this be? There are rich and famous people who cannot face themselves because they don't know themselves. We can be so caught up in others that we fail to be ourselves. We can let our work take over our lives. We can give into depression because we fail to see the beauty of our existence. We can so often find faults in others, but we can rarely see ourselves in an honest light. We allow our self images to become what we are described as by others. We think that we cannot be honest with ourselves; therefore, we ask for the opinions of others. How do I look? Can I not look in the mirror and see exactly the same thing that others see? Is their opinion more valuable than mine? Do not others ask for your opinion and trust you yet you do not trust yourself? What's up with this?

Granted, I can make a fashion mistake quicker than you can shake a stick, but I can just as quickly offer fashion advice to someone else. Maybe we can't see ourselves as having valuable opinions. Maybe I have looked at my wardrobe and realize that I do need fashion rescue. Maybe I like the opinion of someone whose fashion sense I considere impressive. Maybe I just want to hear that I look great (and with a cash offering, I may just hear it.) What are our true motives? Why do we look outside more often than we look within? Truly successful people exude confidence. They do not look for the approval of others, or do they? Let a food critic go into the finest restaurant in the world and see how confident the chef really is. Let an auditor go into the greatest accounting firm in the world and I assure you confidence will not be the initial by-product of the visit. Where do we draw the line between us and them, me and you? Whose opinion counts more and when? Do I live for me or for others? Does God really care whether I go to church on Sunday? Ask two different people and get two different opinions, both of which truly don't matter.

Ask God or ask yourself, as these are the only two opinions worth listening to if the subject is you and your happiness. God will always defer to your opinion as He always wants you to choose. He may offer you some insight, but He wants you to be honest with yourself. This is not to say that your supervisor's opinion doesn't count as it surely does. We are only talking about you and your personal desires – the things that really count. Separate yourself from work, as somewhat different rules apply. And don't think of yourself as your work, a mistake that I have often made. Let's focus on you and the reason that you are reading this – what does your soul desire? Happiness? You just can't put your finger on it but you know that something is missing? You've always wanted to find your one true love but just don't have the courage to get out there and look? You know that God is calling you but you can't find the phone? You seek to reconcile with someone you wronged in the past? Etc.

What will give you what you truly desire? A new dress or suit will not make you happy. A new car will not keep you warm at night. That big house on the hill will not sing happy birthday to you or kiss you goodnight. Riches are an illusion with only their by-products as having the potential to satisfy needs. A huge stack of cash is nothing except what it can buy. A new car is nothing except the fun of driving it. A big house is nothing but a big mortgage and a shell that keeps out the weather. What is it that you really want? I used to tell my students that what they think they want today will be so insignificant in five years that they'll laugh at wanting it. This is true of most things – things don't make us happy, people do. What's the fun of having a big house without a loving family to share it? There are people so caught up in materialism that they are alone and miserable, but they have their houses and cars and bank accounts.

During one period in my life, I spent four lonely miserable years with everything that I needed materially. I wish that I could relive those years knowing what I now know. Of course, that time was an invaluable learning experience for me in that I have spent my remaining years more focused on the importance of personal relationships. I just can't stand to be alone. It is not that I need other people, I enjoy having them around. I love to hear people laugh. I love to hear all about their lives. I love to hear their opinions. I love to see their expressions, share their happiness and sadness. I have my own feelings, but get bored with them. I like to know how others feel. I appreciate the time given to me by others as priceless gifts to be treasured and cherished. Imagine being born, living, and dying alone (ok, I know you have to have a mother to be born, but just work with me here.) Now how much fun would that be? I know that living alone, even though I went to work and visited, was for me the most miserable time of my life. What if you were God and you had no friends or a significant other? You'd quickly figure out a way to create some folks to share things with. God does not need us; He enjoys us and created us for His enjoyment.

Remember when you were a child, you created an imaginary friend. I know that I did, and her name was Jenny. As I spent much of my play time alone, I needed a friend to share things with. Not being able to find someone my age on the farm, I made up someone. This is kind of the way that God made up us, His "imaginary" friends. People can be alone just as God can, but where's the fun in that? We can love ourselves, but can we really experience love fully if we are alone? Can we know the pleasure of hearing "I love you" if we are alone? Try it, and you'll see that it isn't the same even if said in front of a mirror. God likes to hear that He is loved, just as we do. Hearing that someone loves us does not make us rich or powerful, but it does feel good.

Do we need God? Absolutely not. Then why do we feel compelled to know God? We have so many different reasons, but mainly seek to have a protector. We like having someone around to carry our burdens and solve our problems. We feel safe knowing that God is on our side. Just as we cling to our parents for protection and comfort, so we seek God. We know that He will keep us safe in times of trouble and will protect us from our enemies. We worship Him and pray for His mercy. We faithfully give out tithes and expect His reward. We do His bidding, as if He really needed it. We speak for Him and preach about Him. We profess to know Him from having read the BIBLE. We convince ourselves that we need Him, in spite of never having seen or heard him. What are we really seeking when we search for God? Is it really God we seek or the fulfillment of some perceived need? Is our need for peace and tranquility? Is our need not a need but merely a want? Do we seek higher learning and spiritual maturity? Why do we seek spiritual maturity? Do we think that it will bring us happiness? Do we think that knowing more will make us smarter? I honestly believe that we seek to know God because we are a part of Him and it is our innate spiritual bond that drives our quest.

Just as a parent and child have a special bond which surpasses our understanding, I believe that we have a special bond with God. Just as a mother knows her child, so does God know us. As an inventor knows his invention, so God knows us. As the spiritual child, we seek our spiritual parent. As we all have learned, there are things that cause us to act which are beyond our explanation. No single event caused me to seek God and no tragedy occurred in my life at the time of my first wanting to know God. I just had the strongest desire to find out all I could as quickly as I could. I can not explain it nor can I understand it – but I can go with it and learn as quickly as I can.

Always in my quest, God has given me the tools to learn just when I needed them. He has sent helpers to jump start my journey and helpers to guide me on the way. He has put people in my life who have opened up my thinking to explore the full possibilities of God. God knows what you need before you need it. He knew that I needed helpers to open up my very simple mind to see things from other perspectives. Reincarnation – I never gave it a second thought until a helper came along and planted the mental seeds needed to start the learning. It was not important whether or not the person believed in reincarnation, just that they presented good arguments for or against. Being given a thought, I ran with it and have grown much in my understanding.

I did not ask for someone to come and explain reincarnation to me – God knew my need and sent them. Now that's service! God has never sent helpers to me who tried to force their views upon me. Always, God has foreseen my needs and provided accordingly. I don't like for people to tell me what to believe, I prefer to make my own choices. Whether right or wrong, give me the courtesy of at least deciding for myself. By the same token, I try to use questions to help people make their own decisions. A well asked question can open up a world of understanding very quickly. You don't have to tell people the answers – ask the question, let them ponder their answer, and they will make the right choice every time. I know this because there is no such thing as a wrong choice. I know that I can tell someone that reincarnation is real and that they must believe it. They may say, oh yes, I believe it to me, but may not be convinced or even think that I'm nuts for thinking it myself. Does it really matter whether they believe in reincarnation or not? No. Will it give them something to consider which may help them on their spiritual journey? Yes.

We are not robots and don't want to be. God did not create us to be robots but in His own image. Have you ever considered that our interpretation of this may be shortsighted and limited? What does image mean in this context? We have assumed it to mean a physical image most often. Could it be a spiritual image? Could it be saying that we are pieces of Him? Do we look like Him, think like Him – are we Him? Or are we just an illusionary image of Him as we can not possibly be Him or like Him? This one word can be taken to mean so many different things that we really should consider questioning God on His exact meaning. God told Neale that words are the least effective communicator and the BIBLE demonstrates, particularly after many revisions and translations, this to be correct. There are scholars who have studied ancient texts from original languages who cannot agree on exact Biblical meanings; therefore, can we assume that we know the true meaning of the BIBLE or that the translation that we have says exactly what God intended?

At some point, we must go to the source and just ask the questions. This is what Neale figured out when he felt that all else had failed. For our purposes, we have to assume that we do not have Neale's level of spiritual understanding so we have to bridge the gap for ourselves. Honestly, some of the answers given to Neale by God were beyond the scope of my understanding. I needed a tutorial in spite of reading and rereading the books. And the more I read, the more I became confused. The practical reality of understanding comes from doing, not hearing or reading. If I really want to understand what God means, I have to have the experience to back up the theory. If I have never seen the color red, regardless of the descriptive words used, I will never understand what the color red looks like. This is exactly the reason why God created us, He cannot know what He has not experienced. In a way, we are God's eyes and ears, thoughts and feelings. God may know everything intellectually or spiritually, but He has never felt a petal of a rose or held the hand of a child. He has never splashed in a water puddle nor reeled in the big one.

God told Neale that if we could understand His being, we would understand why He cannot feel as we do. Our minds cannot comprehend the magnificence that is God; therefore, we envision Him to be just like us with more power. We have superimposed our ideas about God upon Him and we see Him as we imagine Him, not as He really is (I use He as it is the most widely accepted descriptor – a descriptor that man has assigned to God, but which God refutes.) God is neither male nor female, we have given Him gender. It is almost inconceivable that there be a female U. S. President, so the thought that God could be female is just not possible. The whole world would fall into ruins – women just can't handle the pressure and would make all those emotional decisions which would increase taxes beyond belief. Consider for a moment – who was more emotionally driven – Bill or Hillary? I still can't believe that we cling so tightly to stereotypes of old. Of course, this is neither here nor there as God is neither. Have I drifted yet again?

My goal is to be in constant contact with God, and this can only be when I am God. So, God, I just don't get it. How do I see myself on your level so that I can communicate instantly with you? There are people with whom after many years that we seem to know their thoughts just before they say them. This is very rare, but I guess the concept is much the same. Familiarity brings us ever closer to the other person and gives us a special communication line. Now is this because we have heard their thoughts verbalized so many times that we begin to understand how they think? Or is this because we simply have an almost psychic connection with the person? Maybe these are our spiritual soul mates? Maybe we have known the person in another life and have allowed our souls to communicate on a level that we do not understand? Maybe we are just fooling ourselves and it is all coincidence? Can we transmit thoughts? At some level, do we have psychic abilities? In my younger years, I have actually tried to transmit thoughts to someone else and have had no success, or did I?

Have you ever been thinking about someone and suddenly they call? What's up with that? Don't you always get the strangest feeling when this sort of thing happens? What about déjà vu – when you feel that you've been somewhere before? That is a feeling that is creepy, yet fascinating. How can this sort of thing happen? You know you've never been to the place before, yet when you get there you feel as if you have. The TV show UNSOLVED MYSTERIES has presented several such episodes. How can these things be explained? Have we dreamed about places never visited or have we been there in a former life? This all sounds a little far fetched – but when it happens to you, don't be so quick to rationalize it away. Open your mind to the possibilities of things not understood – what have you got to lose. I'm not suggesting that we all just believe anything we hear, but contemplate the possibilities beyond our experiences. Wouldn't it be cool if we do have psychic abilities and we learn to use them? Of course, we have to understand that psychic abilities work with good things and bad things. If you can predict the future, you can know the good and bad things that are going to happen. A truly psychic person faces knowledge that can really be overwhelming. Imagine knowing that you were going to be killed in a car wreck two weeks from Thursday? Whew! Not a pretty thought.

We know so very little of the spiritual world because we have so little understanding of it. The more we learn, the greater our experience is here on earth. When you know that your time here is not your only chance, you start to enjoy more fully your time here. If I know that I have ten tries to win a race, then each race won't be so overwhelming. If I believe that I have only one chance, then I can't enjoy the race for trying so hard to win. Further, if I know that I am only here to enjoy the experiences of being here, how much more can I enjoy my life on earth? It's kind of like going to work for the soul after which the soul gets a vacation. Our worldly experiences are difficult, some more than others, but they produce the compilation of experiences which fulfill our soul's desires. Pretend for a moment that you were here on earth just to know how gourmet food tastes. You would run yourself ragged trying out new foods and trying to find more and more. You would find good and bad. You would search the world over trying to get the full experience. If you realized in advance that your earthly purpose was to taste gourmet food, then you would more fully experience the concept. If you did not know your earthly purpose, you would flop around trying to find something to satisfy the craving in your soul. Eventually, you would stumble upon your purpose, but would have wasted much time in pursuit.

I think that we can begin to really satisfy our soul's desires only after we discover what our purpose is. There are people who very early in life just seem to know and go with it. There are people who seem to struggle most of their lives and can't ever seem to be satisfied. The rest of us kind of know what our purpose is, but are too afraid to go after it with all of our might. We are given hints, but we just want God to walk up and say, "Hey, your purpose is this." Better yet, a flashing billboard would be more to our liking. Does a brick have to fall on our heads? I have suspected for most of my life what my purpose is, but have spent much of my life wondering about ways that I can be sure. Now, how do I really know what my purpose is? What if I think it is this and am wrong? Do we really have a purpose? Maybe our soul just wants to have fun? God, I just don't get it.

Your soul may have many purposes in each life, but you must listen to your innermost self to derive your soul's desires. It all really comes down to following your instincts as your instincts are generally correct. How many times have you done something against your instincts and have soon had regrets? Dang it – I knew I should have taken the other road. Are our instincts driven by our souls? We always assume that our instincts are somehow learned responses, but there are things we feel that we just can't explain. Sometimes we just know that we shouldn't go on a trip, but can't explain why. Sometimes we call someone and find out that something has just happened to them. We are so quick to rationalize these events that we really cheat ourselves out of the experience. What is it that your soul is telling you? What are your soul's desires? Get in touch with your soul and feel what it is telling you. Don't let another amazing experience pass you by.

Chapter 9 – Out With The Old And In With The New.

What if the BIBLE were written today? I think we all know that language changes with the ages, especially changes with translations. Dialects and nuances differ radically between communities, towns, cities, etc. Parts of the BIBLE were written so very long ago that it is quite easily understood that intended meaning may be changed or lost. We prefer to believe the words verbatim, as we choose to believe that God sent them down from above. But, God communicates with words given to those who are writing them and, therefore, must give the words best understood by the recipient. As when we tried to describe a color to someone who has never seen that color, imagine the difficulty of communicating concepts which will surpass the generations. If we believe that the KING JAMES VERSION is the most correct of all versions, ever think about the year the version was translated? Now, if the version was absolutely correct when translated, is it still correct today? Could we be misled trying to surmise literal meanings from so many centuries ago?

The complications of translations are not easily understood by someone like me from rural Georgia knowing that I have to ask for clarification when I travel outside my local area. Put me in a big city and I have some trouble keeping up with the lingo. Even some of the words used by my students leave me guessing. Add to the complexity the fact that different levels of intellect and education factor into the translation equation. I once was curious about which translation of the most recent is more accurate, so I purchased a PARALLEL BIBLE with four translations. The meanings are very similar; however, I have great difficulty getting the grasp of the KING JAMES VERSION. I am so glad that my textbooks were not written in the KING JAMES VERSION or I would not sit here with the degrees I have. I was never able to read the KING JAMES VERSION completely. It was not until I discovered the LIVING BIBLE that I was able to read the entire BIBLE. I have since read the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD VERSION and find it to be my favorite. The NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION and the REVISED STANDARD VERSION are much more difficult for me to grasp.

If your theory that all versions convey basically the same meanings, then we suppose that nothing is lost in the translations and God's original message is adequately passed down through the ages. Then let us consider whether the rules should change over the ages – from when the world was mostly unpopulated and one set of rules applied and procreation was very much needed. Now that the world is somewhat overpopulated, do we still need the same rules? There are references in the BIBLE where fathers slept with daughters and this was acceptable at the time. Today, this would be a crime deserving of severe punishment. The literal interpretation of the BIBLE indicates the requirement for incest whereas today there is never a justification for incest. If we believe that God created a man and a woman and now the world is populated with far more than those two originally created, this would suggest that at some point someone was sleeping with a close relative.

I believe that it is prudent to assume that the BIBLE should progress with the times. I do not believe that women must keep their heads covered, should not be allowed to speak in church or be held as subservient to a man by virtue of her gender. I honestly don't believe that God thinks that men are superior to women or that He promotes that concept. If the BIBLE were written today, a more equitable status would be given to women and this is reflective of societal changes which realize that women are far more capable than perhaps originally believed. You may laugh, but remember the TV shows of the 50's with the stay at home wife anxiously awaiting her husband's return home from work. Now that the wife goes to work just as does the husband, has the stereotype changed in just a relatively short time? Does it serve God for women to be held in a lower status than men? Does God really care? Does God really care if a man or a woman preaches in church? Is the message more divine because God made man first? Or, does it serve man for a woman to be kept at bay? Who really benefits? Do we choose a literal interpretation of the BIBLE to keep women out of pulpits and voting booths to save the world from hormonally inspired creatures bent on worldwide domination? I dare say that perhaps we need to modernize our thinking and how we view God and the BIBLE.

Think about all of the countries which continue to keep women cloaked in black garments, covered head to toe, believing that if their faces are revealed, that they will cause some great harm. Think about how women were not allowed to attend school in Afghanistan while under the Taliban rule. So much potential wasted – so many women couldn't practice medicine or teach or participate in politics. There is no way that I believe that God requires that women be treated so poorly. There are countries where the birth of a female child is seen as a bad thing, a waste of genetics. There are countries where girls are physically mutilated so that they will never experience sexual pleasure. Is this done for God's or the girl's benefit? Absolutely not, and there is no way that I believe that God would ever wish for girls to suffer this fate.

This is not to say that women have not agreed with men and allowed this to happen. Women who allow themselves to be treated in this manner, as they believe that it is the way to behave, must assuredly have been persuaded and I suspect in a very painful way. I do remember the encouragement of my grandmother back in the old days brought to light by the favorite switch tree in the back yard. I have never been more inspired to behave than immediately after an attitude adjustment the old fashioned way. Understand that I went to school in the days when corporal punishment was allowed. If you were sent to the office, a pleasant experience did not await. Kids today have rights that we didn't have a few years ago. We didn't have detention, but would have much preferred detention to what awaited behind the principal's door. Times have changed much during my 42 years. I suspect that much more has changed since the BIBLE was written. I believe and love the BIBLE and think that more people would come to God if the BIBLE were written to include current wisdom. If the BIBLE said that we must use leeches to cure illness, then would we today forget about research and just keep leeches in the medicine cabinet?

If God is not seen as warm and inviting, people come to Him out of fear, not love. If God is seen as vengeful and powerful, people will fear Him. I remember very well my grandfather reading to me from the BIBLE that I should fear the Lord. I was so scared of God that I could not imagine asking Him a question or thinking that He might actually care about little old me. Imagine that you had one strict parent and one not so strict parent. Now which parent are you going to go to when you want something? I know which one gets my vote. Is God so different? If we believe that God is mean, then He is. If we believe God is kind, then He is. Which view of God draws you closer? If my goal is to know God, why would I not see Him in a light which promotes my goal? If I'm fearful of God, I will not be drawn to know Him or worse, I will stay away from Him. Our view of God is exactly as we choose, so why not choose a kind and generous God who just loves to love us? Give God a chance to reveal Himself to you as He truly is. He won't get mad and punish you. He loves you and wants to know you better, so give Him a chance.

What if God were able to question you as you question Him? Turnabout is fair play, so let's consider this concept. If you change the word God to your name in every prayer that you have prayed, how would you feel? (Assume your name is John for our example.)

Oh John, why have you let this happen?

Oh John, why are you punishing me?

Oh John, why are you ignoring me?

John, why don't you answer my prayers?

John, why have you forsaken me?

John, if you loved me, you wouldn't do this to me.

Oh powerful and merciful John, please forgive me.

Oh wonderful healer John, heal my sickness.

Isn't this a most amusing concept? It fits perfectly with our growth to being God as part of God. Start seeing yourself as the master of your destiny and you will see God more clearly. Put yourself in His place and you will better understand how He works. Jesus said, "Physician, heal thyself." If we cannot heal ourselves, then why would Jesus suggest such a thing? Do we have the power to heal ourselves? Do we have the power to heal others? Do we have the power to answer so many questions in a lifetime? (Just kidding – I thought you needed a little break.)

Ok, back to the subject. We can learn much about God by asking ourselves the questions that we usually ask Him and certainly by asking the questions that we have always wanted to ask Him but were afraid to ask. Think about it, if you want to know someone, try to get in their heads by imagining how they feel. If you were God, then you'd get sick of all the whining and tell people to help themselves more. If you were God, then you would help people when they asked. If you were God, you would consider the best interest of the person before just granting wishes (remember me and the million?) Giving someone something that will cause them harm just isn't the wisest move, so consider your recipient. If you were God, you would love your creation. If you were God, you would want to know your creation. If you were God, you would look lovingly at your creation and just shake your head at their internally created suffering. If you were God, you would want to help your creation but you would know that experience is the best teacher. If you were God, you would praise your creation and celebrate its accomplishments? Why would God treat His creations any differently than would you?

God doesn't see Himself as we see Him. He doesn't sit around and enjoy our suffering. He doesn't bring us suffering. He allows us to choose actions with ensuing consequences. As we allow children to learn from experiences, He allows us to learn. Just as we learn best in classes with hands-on training, so do we learn best in life from experience? We are not video game cartoons created for God's amusement. He doesn't sit around and watch us the way we watch reality shows on TV. He feels what we feel and experiences what we experience.

Are you starting to get the picture – the picture of God that makes Him real and accessible for all of our benefit? What is all the wonder of God worth if you don't know about it? It's kind of like all the knowledge in a book that you don't read. If you haven't ever read the BIBLE, haven't you always been curious about the contents? It seems like everyone knows a secret that you don't. Being a slow reader, I had to commit to read at least one verse per night just before bed. Surprisingly, I was captivated and actually read and reread the BIBLE many times. It just seems to draw you in, but not until you find a version suitable to your liking. I was advised to start with the New Testament and finish with the Old Testament. The Old Testament with all the begats really confused me. By starting with the New Testament, you will read the easy part first and you will be better able to understand the Old Testament. Don't be afraid to contemplate the BIBLE's contents. Think about what you read and don't just accept it as the gospel (just kidding – it is the gospel.) What I mean is, really let it sink in and roll it around in your marbles. Don't just read it like a novel, experience it. I guess that's why I like the "LIVING" BIBLE. (More priceless humor.)

If you find something questionable in the BIBLE, question it. Ask God or your friends or your preacher/priest/etc, any questions that you have. Get input from any available source. Leave no informational stone unturned. There are so many different interpretations and opinions available – great. Enjoy them all as if they were islands of information – combine them all and make a consolidated opinion. Swap them around, shuffle them, dissect them, interject your own opinions and see what you come up with. Have fun while teasing your intellect. You will be amazed at how the diversity of the opinions will soon start to merge into a much more obvious concept.

The more that I learn about God, the more I start to realize that most religions have incredible similarities. It is as if all concepts start to merge into one more believable simplified concept that opens up a greater insight into God. Think of all the religions in the world that believe that there is one true God. Think of all the religions that believe that there is good and evil. Think of all the religions that teach love and kindness. Think of all the religions that encourage spiritual growth. Think of all the religions that believe in an afterlife. See, if you take the religion out and focus on the basic concepts, then there are far more similarities than differences. If we were able to make a simplified checklist of religious beliefs, then we would be able to cull out the rituals and reveal the basic concepts of each.

Whether Catholic or Protestant, the basics are the same. Take away rituals from Judaism and see how Christianity came forth. When I was much younger, I remember asking how do we know that Christianity is the one true religion. I was told that the BIBLE says that you can only go to heaven through Christ, so if we don't follow Christ, then we are not of God. I pondered further – what about people who live in small villages in remote areas of the world who have never heard of Jesus – are they condemned to hell because they have not had the opportunity to hear about Jesus? How fair is that? What about people who were raised to believe in Buddhism – are they going straight to hell? Something just didn't add up, even for a child. Can God really be that unfair? Oh, but the BIBLE does say that you shall have no other Gods before me and that I am vengeful and jealous, so we assume that other versions of God cannot possibly be the same God just with different translations.

As we grow older and broaden our horizons, we begin to realize that in this one world there are many versions of the same thing just as there are many different languages. Just because a language is different does not mean that it is better or worse, it simply means that there are many ways to say basically the same thing. Open your mind to the possibility that there really is only one God and that all religions worship the same God just in different ways. Let your mind wonder to envision the possibility that all are really one kind of like a "one God fits all" concept. Think of yourself; are you not different things to different people? You may be a parent, a friend, a partner, a lover, a supervisor, a mentor or tutor but you are still the same person. In my life, I have been called many names and many things but I am still the same. What if the same were true of God? What if He is Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, etc? Hmmm, instead of putting more distance between people, wouldn't this bring us closer together? Wouldn't this bring more peace to the world? If everyone believed in one God, surely we would not be as prone to fight. Think of Northern Ireland and the bitter struggles faced in the name of religion. If both sides sat down and realized that they were both on the same side, how quickly would the disputes dissolve?

It is our intellectual plight to forever seek diversity which leads to conflict. Picture a world conference being held for the purpose of discovering common ground among all nations. Picture the President with a marker at the board asking the audience for words to describe the basic motivating factors among nations. One person shouts, "Peace." Another shouts, "Love." Soon, there are words floating which describe the pursuit of all mankind like "happiness, joy, health, equity, prosperity, freedom, etc." Wow, I don't think that war, poverty, strife, hate, discontent, greed, or cruelty would top the list. True humanity as seen from the vantage point of love brings a much different perspective than the one we see on the evening news. We hear about wars, jihad, injustice, hatred, murders every single day and are affected by this more than we realize. Terrorism is the latest concept dominating our daily lives. Can you imagine God sitting on high clapping as the planes hit the world trade center? Can you envision God watching genocide as if were a sporting event on TV? Hello – do you really think that a war in the name of God is truly reflective of His nature? Remember scenes on TV of public executions – is God reflected in those scenes? Does it bring thoughts of love and happiness to mind when you see such things? If God is love, justify these actions as motivated by Him. I dare you.

People use the name of God to justify their own purposes. Greed is often the root of our actions, whether we realize it or not. The BIBLE says that money is the root of all evil and when you think about it, it is. We cleverly disguise our motives under the guise of good intentions. We want to help the poor so we rob from the rich – Robin Hood was a hero and a thief. The old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions is really profound. Think about it – you start out to do good and before you know it, you've done bad. Many people start churches because they feel led by God. In no time at all, after realizing how financially lucrative a church can be, they are hoarding and abusing the hard earned donations of the people they profess to serve.

At work one day, I heard of the advice a minister gave to one of my employees, "Get yourself a couple of churches and you'll never have to work again." I was mortified by the concept of explicitly using religion for financial and personal gain. Hmmm, then I thought of all the very rich religious leaders in the world and snapped back to reality. I've been to church so many times and the first thing out of the preacher's mouth is a solicitation for donations. I know that churches have no income per se, but I can't bear the thought of financial concerns being first on the sermon. That just turned me away from organized religion more than anything else. I know that donations are needed, and I also know that the plate will be passed for donations before the end of the service, but to be shaken down first thing just put a bad taste in my mouth. Even worse, in my opinion, was the fact that the preacher giving the sermon drove to the church in a very expensive Cadillac which could not have been afforded by most of the flock. Isn't that just a little ostentatious for a man of God? Can't you just picture Jesus wheeling up in a new caddy while his people were barely able to afford cars? In fairness to the preacher, CEOs drive cars that most of their employees can't afford. I guess there is no real difference between the two. When you, if you were able to, realize the wealth of the Catholic Church, you are amazed at what countries could be brought out of poverty if the wealth was put to such use.

Ironically, I have the TV on and just saw a commercial for a chiropractor done by three preachers representing their church. What in the world were they thinking? Or were they only thinking about increasing the business of the chiropractor? What message does this send and why do people think that churches abuse their influence?

Oh but we are short sighted – we don't see that by giving we receive. If churches put their wealth into ending world hunger, would they not receive far more praise than by hoarding their money and using it for political influence and power? The movie THE THORN BIRDS portrayed a priest who let his personal needs be overcome by his need for approval by the church. This is a very interesting enactment of what I have witnessed so many times in corporate world. Every day, I saw people do things that were against their morality, but were done to foster their need for financial gain. The wrongs suffered at the hands of those who are filled with greed and self importance is amazing. Did I mention Enron? Worldcom? Think of the people who diligently go to work for thirty years and suddenly have no retirement money. This is becoming the rule rather than the exception. It happens every day in the name of good business.

This is not to say that churches are bad or are any different than any other religion. I could just as easily use any other religion. Religion is a self promoting entity just as is a business. Ever seen an advertisement for a church in your newspaper? Ever seen a billboard inviting you to a church? Of course, we all have and know that filling up the pews keeps the doors open. It is a business just as any other, but with better tax loopholes. (I probably should have kept that opinion to myself, but the accountant in me slipped out) Now, I'll be considered a church basher and be called nasty things. I love going to church and have received much inspiration from servants of God. The church that I joined has a membership of about 20. The preacher never mentioned donations. It was about God, not driving a fancy car or having the best parsonage.

My spiritual guru's favorite saying is, "They go to church, but church doesn't go to them." Do you know someone who is in church every time the doors open, singing in the choir, raising their arms to God, and cheating on their spouse? I do and I'm sure that you do also. If you ask them how they justify their actions, they will say that we are all sinners. Hmmm, does that help the feelings of the scorned spouse? Does that keep the husband from shooting the wife or the wife from running over the husband? No, but we justify the crimes as crimes of passion, as we can all understand the motivation. But they went to church! Aren't the most arrogant of Christians the very ones who need to go to church on Sunday to repent? While professing to be serving the Lord, they are greedy, backstabbing cutthroats bent of amassing personal wealth and notoriety. Do they sleep at night or ever look in the mirror? This is not to say that all Christians are bad, this is just to say that people see what you do and are affected by it. The BIBLE says "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Maybe we need to consider the type of light that we are shining before we turn it on.

"He who is without sin cast the first stone," Jesus said. Well, in my book, there is no such person including myself. I choose to not judge, but understand. I have done some things that God frowns upon and does not make me very proud. A friend of mine always says that in church on Sunday, when the preacher asks to see the hands of those who need prayer, she raises both hands as she knows what she has done or the thoughts she has had. At least she is honest enough to know that she is not perfect and does need help. I have cast a few stones in my life knowing that being hit with a few stones would be warranted.

We can so easily see the errors of others, but have difficulty seeing our own. When we take an honest look at our motives, we then begin to see our true selves. Why did I do that? Well, I wanted to do good, but did wrong. The greater our experience, the more honest we are with ourselves. Self preservation is a powerful motivator. We know that we have to exist, so if we are hungry, we will steal food just to survive. This is the nature of survival and we do know and understand this. This is not the concept that we are considering. We see our actions of maintaining our living standard as survival when in fact it is not. Keeping the Porsche is not a survivalist motive but a pretentious one. Being able to keep the used station wagon running to get to work is more closely related to survival if the kids are screaming for food. Which motive is more acceptable? If God says that there is no right or wrong, then why do we convict the Porsche owner and not the station wagon owner? The station wagon owner could catch a bus or ride a bike if it meant survival. Can you see how we put our perceptions on others and judge accordingly?

Each of the above owners may be equally shaken by their situations. We have no idea how the Porsche owner feels or what his circumstances actually are. We simply have no sympathy for those who we see as pretentious. Why? The Porsche owner may have worked his entire life with one of his life's goals to be able to buy a Porsche. He may have sacrificed over the years of his life, saving up for the fulfillment of his dream. We suppose that he could have spent his money more wisely and deserves what he gets for his arrogance. I worked with a man who had retired from the military, continued to work and had finally realized his dream of owning a Corvette. If anyone did not know him personally, they would have said, "Look at the old fool trying to pick up women with the new sports car." He and his wife proudly enjoyed the fruits of their labor and had finally done something for themselves. The kids were gone and they gave themselves a treat. Within a couple of months of getting the Corvette, the man suffered an aneurism and was never again able to drive the car. I guess instead of seeing the wonder of his having lived his dream, some would say that his vanity caused his downfall. God punished his vanity – I can almost hear it now.

Why are we so quick to judge when we really do not understand the circumstances of others? What enjoyment do we get from running someone down behind their back? We must enjoy it because we do it all the time. Does it make us feel better about ourselves? What is our true motivation? Back to the mirror for a reality check. This realization came to me once at work when I was told that between the two types of incident reports written, negative or positive, the number of negative incident reports exceeded positive incident reports by a staggering margin. There were almost no positive incident reports written and those written were almost forced by the student, as they were needed as part of the incentive program. If a student didn't stand over your desk and request that you write a positive incident report, generally, none were ever written. If you have 400 students twenty four hours a day for a month and only four positive incident reports are written with a hundred negative incident reports written – what's wrong with this picture? This is very representative of our nature. We are very quick to point out mistakes, but are almost not motivated to give praise. How sad is this? I do know what it is like to work your posterior off and receive nothing but complaints. I used to think that I must be doing a lot of something, because I did so much wrong. I tried to extract a positive from all of the negative.

How many times in a day, week, month or year do we really say "good job" to an employee? Sadly, it is far too few and it does negatively impact productivity. So, why don't we take the time to give out positives? We inherently put more emphasis on dealing with the negative. We know that we have to confront inappropriate behavior so we try to correct behavior. How much better a lesson could we teach if we had rewarded the positive? Are we by nature evil and enjoy seeing people suffer? Does whipping someone else verbally make us feel good about ourselves? Only the mirror has the answer and we really need to look within ourselves.

Chapter 10 – Experience Is The Best Teacher.

It seems as if spending time looking in the mirror may be the secret to knowing God. Hmmm, how can that be? Is there really any better way to understand life than to take an introspective stroll through the internal paths of you? Now, there's a trip that you won't find advertised on TV, but it will be the most inspirational trip you'll ever take. So hop in your mental vehicle and warm up the engine of your soul for the adventure of your life. No need for seatbelts, prepare to be rocketed into the vast recesses of internal space – your only frontier!

Why do I do the things I do? Psychologists have wrestled for years with this question and have come up with some interesting theories, not the least of which were Freud's theories which set the world ablaze with amazement. Researching Freud's theories is an adventure all its own, but best left for another time. Let's stick to our theories about ourselves. Give yourself a simple topic and explore it to its core. For example, why do I go to work or why do I always feel guilty? At first, you apply a smooth over coating on the subject by giving a reason which doesn't dig too deeply or reveal too much. I go to work because I have to. Then, you think further and reveal that you have to because you need to eat. You cop out with a survivalist answer which keeps you out of the picture. Feeling guilty as you always do, you decide to think about it some more. You realize that you are not wealthy and do need to work but that you feel obligated to work because you were taught by your parents that you should and society expects you to. Whew! Still not looking into self and find that you are incredibly capable of laying blame elsewhere. Conscience kicks in and forces you to keep looking for motives. Ok, so I like working, it makes me feel good about myself because it makes me self sufficient. Wow! You are starting to scratch the surface of you. I choose to work because it satisfies my need to belong. Ooooh, the light is starting to come on. I work because I want to be loved and accepted. Yipes, that's deep, but further to go. I work so that I can love myself as I respect my self and provide for myself. Yes, you can go as deeply as you choose, this is just an example and not necessarily the reflection of you. As you are the sum of all of your experiences, only you can know your true motives.

It is an interesting exercise and will bring you no harm, so why not try it? You might be surprised at the person that you are. You may at first see yourself as a plumber, but learn that you are really a spiritually motivated person – the incarnate part of God that you always suspected that you were. Your soul has been sending you messages all of your life, and for whatever reason, you have chosen to ignore those messages probably because you didn't understand them or know how to learn to understand them. We turn away from things that we evaluate as being beyond our comprehension – don't think for a minute that I sit around thinking about new ways that I can learn calculus. If we become overwhelmed, we run and hide in an effort to remain in control. I remember going for the first time to algebra class and feeling as if I were a space alien. I could not have been more uncomfortable nor out of place. Everyone else seemed so calm and collected, while I was an internal catastrophe pretending to be calm and collected. My instinct was to run screaming with fear from the class, but knew that I would just have to come back after the panic attack, so I didn't bother and just sat there like a lamb to the slaughter. Woe is me.

So many times in life, we have to muster up the courage to take the next step. We wrestle with things in our minds until they nearly make us crazy or until we decide to stop wrestling and start doing. Once the decision is made to proceed, the journey seems to take on a whole new light. The previous concerns give way to new concerns. And on and on until one day I had graduated from college, when at the start I was certain that I could never have a college degree. (You just couldn't buy them in those days like you can now on the internet.) I panicked my way through college three times and have applied for a fourth and final run for the roses. Why do I keep punishing myself? There is just a longing in my soul to finally achieve my dreams of having a Doctorate Degree. It is my intention to have one and I will continue to panic until I get one. I don't really understand why, but I'm sure that some introspection would reveal that the source is my lack of self esteem which fosters feelings of not being smart enough which I somehow think will be overcome with a fancy degree so that I can love myself. Wow, get out of my internal self evaluation! I need some privacy, so that I don't reveal too much of myself.

Anyway, now that I've drifted down the wrong lane, we were supposed to be looking at you not me. Snap, snap – back to you. If you could see you the way others see you, what would you see and would it really represent you? That ought to keep you occupied while I take a much deserved break. I'm having an attention span lapse and will give you time to get your answer ready. Start seeing yourself.........

Ok, time's up! What did you see in yourself that caused you to laugh – and I know you saw something. During the break, I pictured God self analyzing Himself, thinking about why He does what He does. Surely, He chuckled to Himself about Himself. Anyway, let's assume that others see us totally different than we see ourselves. We put on false fronts of bravado so that others won't think we are scared. We learn that boys don't cry like sissies, so men spend the rest of their lives fighting desperately the urge to show their emotions. Girls aren't supposed to be aggressive, so women spend the rest of their lives trying to be submissive, knowing that it really isn't possible, but with enough pretense will appear as they should. If you think that women are submissive, just try to get them to do what you want. I remember so many stories about women who find creative ways to do what they want while fooling their husbands into thinking that they're in control. My grandmother would buy things and hide them in a trunk for a while, then bring them out later saying, "That it isn't new, I've had that," to keep my grandfather from complaining about her spending money.

Take off your mask and see yourself. Do you like what you see or do you feel the need to apply make up or run and hide? What's the next move after we overcome the shock of revealing ourselves? Well, we can choose a myriad of reactions or make different choices for the future. Chances are, we all will see things that need changing. If we choose, we can change immediately by choosing to or we can procrastinate pending the final decision. Chances are, at this point, change has already occurred just from having realized your true motives. After you have a revelation, you are never the same.

Witnessing a miracle affects the rest of your life immediately. Perhaps you have just witnessed the miracle that is you. Perhaps your miracle needs a little work. Perhaps you don't like the miracle and you need to make some changes. Perhaps you have now the motivation to make your life what you want it to be. Perhaps now you are finally willing and able to take the first step that you've avoided for years. Perhaps now you can be honest with yourself about yourself and make choices for yourself. You can never love yourself if you are not true to yourself. If you choose to continue your life just as it is but have always seen it in a negative light, turn on the positive point of view and this will change everything. Don't think that your spouse will change or be what you imagine. Don't think that changing someone else will make you happy. Only you can make you happy and the most obviously effective choice is to change yourself or your perspective.

Don't look outside yourself for happiness because you will never find it. All the money in the world will not make you happy – it will make you a big spender, but not truly happy. We are not what we have. We are not what we own. We are not our work. We are not machines. We are not servants. We are not here to please others. We are here to serve our soul's purpose and therefore we are the masters of our universe. In this way, we are God as He gives us this privilege. Claim your prize, realize your potential and merrily follow your soul's path. As Shakespeare wrote, "Unto thine own self be true!"

Our purpose is not to replace God, but to experience God for God. If you settle for $10 when you could have $20, why did you settle for less? God wants you to have the whole $20, so don't let self doubt cost you the other $10. It's not about money, but we seem to understand the concept much more easily. If God wants to experience water skiing, then why let fear keep you in the boat? Ah, a non-monetary example of shortchanging God. Get out of the boat, with a life jacket of course, and get on those skis. Naturally, not everyone should try this, but simply apply the concept to your own desires. If I want to live in Orlando, choose it and move it.

How do I really know what I want? God tells Neale that what you really want is always your highest thought. He goes on to exemplify the concept for clarification and I'll leave you to research the concept. My take on the issue is to go with your instincts, listen to your heart, put aside fear and do what you really want. If you have always wanted to work in a soup kitchen, get out there and do it. If you have always wanted to preach, then by all means do it. As the Nike ads say, "Just do it." Get ready, there will be consequences, but the greatest consequence of all is regret for not having gone after what you want. There really is nothing worse than regret for having never tried. That one nags at you in the core of your being. So what, you are the worst (I mean I am the worst) basketball player of all time, but I did give it a try in junior high. I didn't get to play, but I did look really cute in the uniform. Never underestimate the power of sports attire, regardless of athletic ability.

This is not to suggest that you go running wild, chasing all the things that you think you might want. Keep you wits about you, look deeply inside and choose to pursue your deepest desires, not your spur of the moment "that would be fun" desires. Just as having sex with someone sounds like a great idea late Saturday night, but the Sunday morning perception may differ greatly. The perception a couple of months later may be vastly different. The nine month perception will put things in a whole new perspective. Choose wisely, but choose. The accountant in me uses the "worst case scenario" approach to consequential analysis. If I go on the trip, what is the worst that can happen? Usually, my imagined consequences are so bad that I just don't go. So, on the other hand, don't let fear rule your life – just be prepared and know that the consequence is part of the action. We have to take the good with the bad. I know in advance that if I get married, I may also get divorced. I know that I would rather take the chance on success knowing that failure is possible, than resign myself to failure without even trying. A boss once told that we should ask for everything that we want and let others tell us no.

And again, we wind up at the same place – you/me. I don't think that we can find the answers outside of ourselves and believe me, I have tried. I think I could read every book on this earth and still not know the secret to God, love, happiness, and spiritual fulfillment. We are the answers and must take responsibility for our own fulfillment. Where does this put God? We don't want Him to be totally off the hook? I asked Him this question and He told me that He is the facilitator of our dreams, our creator, our helper and our guide. If I go to Yosemite National Park, will my experience not be much more meaningful if I utilize the services of the park guides? Without help, will I not simply wander around and get as much as I can without getting the full impact of the experience? Will not the guide feel neglected if we don't use his/her services? When I ask God for help, does He not send someone to help? If I went out on my own searching for help, how would I choose the best possible help? If I'm shopping for tires, how would I know which tires were the best value? Don't underestimate God's involvement and never think that He is not interacting in our every action.

Know that God is with you as you are a part of Him. Know that God steers you in the direction of spiritual fulfillment. Know that God gives you messages constantly. Know that you are doing God's work in everything that you do as you are experiencing for Him. You, in this way, are the facilitator of His dreams. The movie THE WIZARD OF OZ leaps to mind. Just as the mighty Wizard of Oz appeared to be awesome, scary and mysterious, once the curtain was removed, the reality was revealed. If we remove the curtain of our beliefs from God, what would be revealed? A genuinely loving and caring God who makes our dreams come true. After all, why give someone the ability to dream without the ability to realize it? Now that would be cruel and scary. I just can't imagine that God really is as we have always imagined. Let's remove the curtain and experience the true magnificence of God and the magical life that we are creating.

Now that we have had an epiphany and realized that God exists, that we have gained a rudimentary knowledge of Him, now we set out to experience God. Just as I learned that accounting existed and then progressed to college to learn the theories of accounting and went on to work in accounting, now I must do the same in my spiritual life. I have learned of Him and about Him, now I seek to experience Him.

Talk about an adventure in the making – I can't wait to get started, so let's not wait. What do I do first? Impatience is my nature, so I would like to get moving. Let's take the example of my wanting to move to Orlando. First I wanted it, and then I decided to make the move, so now I must actually make the move. This is the crux of what God told Neale in CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD. You want it, choose it, and make it happen. I do not need to sit here and wait for God to pack my belongings and literally move me and my belongings to Orlando. It ain't gonna happen. Shifting my posterior into gear and getting on with the program will make it happen.

Let's be real here – if I have to do everything, why do I need God along for the ride? I can move to Orlando by myself, I don't need God for that. I am absolutely correct – I don't need God to move me to Orlando. I have simply used the scenario to represent how we must seek spiritual fulfillment in the same way that we seek earthly fulfillment. If it helps, let's imagine a different example. My soul wants to experience the feelings associated with great worldly power. Whew! This is giving me a headache – my imagination is running on overload with all the examples. Anyway, back to the topic. What has to happen to give the soul its desired experience?

First, the soul realizes its desire. Second, the soul sends the message to the mind. Third, the mind freaks out swarmed by doubt (kidding, don't be so serious.) The mind searches for ways to accomplish the goal. Forth, God inspires the mind with the how to. Fifth, God puts the means in place to facilitate your actions toward the goal. Finally, you put everything together and realize your goal.

Did I follow that? I can't expect you to keep up if I am confused myself. Let's look at that again. I alone cannot have power nor any of the experiences associated with power. There must a situation created and I must be in that situation before the experience can happen. A superstar is nothing without fans. All the beautiful singing in the world is lost if there is no audience. So, God creates the scenery for the play. He coordinates all the situational needs which will facilitate the experience. Clear as mud, right?

Ok, let's look at the Catholic Church, because I have so much respect for the Church and its influence around the world. Without the Catholic Church, what would the Pope be? So, God creates the Catholic Church with its hierarchy so that the situation is available for the Pope to be in a position of power. Once the Pope is elected and ascends to the position and becomes Pope, then he can fulfill his soul's desire to experience power. Don't kid yourself, the Pope is one of the most powerful persons on earth and commands a tremendous empire. Does this clear it up a little? I'm not Pope bashing, as I think that personally he is a very accomplished man who has earned the position which he holds. I could just as easily have given the example of the Queen of England who got her position by birth right. What would the Queen be if England didn't exist? Ok, so we are starting to see the big picture. Let's move on.

The soul has now satisfied this desire by turning it into experience. Just as by moving to Orlando, I would turn the desire into the experience. Think of things spiritual not as if they were contained by earthly bounds. I can't restrict the soul to the body's capabilities, so let's think way outside the box. If my soul wanted to be King of England, then my soul would have had to select this before my earthly birth so that I could be born into the royal family. Now that we sort of believe that the soul never dies (we can't back that up until we experience it after death,) we can then broaden our horizons to imagine a larger picture than ever before. Oh, the possibilities that are available if we remove our mentally imposed physical boundaries.

As a novice myself, I can't put forth many spiritual experiences as I have not fully realized them. I have not consciously realized a desire and experienced its fulfillment in the spiritual world. I suspect that this book may be the door that opens my journey to experiencing God as never before. I've always felt inspired to write but rarely do. Suddenly, when I was at one of those low points in life, when I felt that I couldn't go anywhere but up, the words began to flow as if from the mouth of God. I typed as fast as I could and typed for twelve hours each of the first three days. Given my short attention span, what had come over me? I have not been able to sleep at night. I am constantly overwhelmed with so many words that I just can't type fast enough. My fingers are sore and my head hurts, but my heart cannot contain my joy.

Could this be the first experience of God knowing fully that God has brought everything to this point? When I asked God for spiritual growth and fulfillment, I never imagined that this may be the vehicle that He would choose. I must say that typing these words and reflecting upon them has offered me a terrific learning experience beyond all of the books that I have read. Is this the proverbial brick that I needed to fall on my head?

Just as I am merely entering the door to the experience of God, I cannot offer you a wealth of advice or clever stories of my experiences. And this is best, as God would not wish that your experience be anything but your own creation. The influence of others is both helpful and harmful. We often begin to think that we believe what we read or hear. At this point, I believe that we have gone far enough. Hearing more war stories from me will not give you one single experience of God. There is nothing that I can tell you which will give you what your soul needs.

I can be a helper along the way, but everything points back to you. If you see yourself as inconsequential, then you will be. If you see yourself as great, then you will be. Be anything that you want and learn what it is to be fulfilled spiritually. This is when you will be complete and free. The only thing that binds us is our fear. Let go of fear and live as God intended. Let go of physical restraints and see yourself as the spirit that you are. Know that you are God and can do anything you choose. Allow yourself to choose things you never thought possible knowing now that they are possible. Spread your spiritual wings and fly freely to God as the God that you are!

Conclusion

I look forward to the next twenty years and can't wait to write to you about my experiencing God. Based on the wonder of the past experiences which were fleeting and not fully realized, I can hardly wait to see what God has in store. I know that life is more than we see and more than we know. The realization that our soul never dies opens up a new world of adventure currently beyond our belief.

How can the future hold more than the past? The life that I have lived up to this point has been filled with search and discovery. I now stand to learn the greatest lessons of all and am thrilled to the point of sleeplessness. I know that God's ways are not as mysterious as I had once thought and are not beyond our grasp or understanding. I know that God wants us to live as we choose. I know that God loves us as we are. I know that God does not judge. I know that God is love. I know that God is always with us. I know that God wants for us what we want. I know that we limit ourselves by our fear. I know that fear is not real, but is a creation within our minds. I know that I can do no wrong or right. I know that I can live my life to the fullest. I am free to give God all of the experiences my soul can imagine. I'm ready for the adventure and have seen a whole new light!

I pray that you have as much spiritual fun as you can stand. I trust that you are standing at the threshold of realizing and understanding the unexplained need deep within your spirit. The void felt within your soul will be soon filled, when you first hear God speak to your soul in a language that you will soon understand. You will feel as you have never felt and will experience unbelievable things. When you know God on a personal level, you fully experience God.

Don't believe what you are told – formulate your own beliefs. If you don't understand, feel free to ask God and you WILL receive!

Bibliography

Books:

The Zondervan Corporation. The Layman's Parallel Bible. Michigan: Zondervan, 1973.

Tyndale House Publishers. The Living Bible. Illinois: Tyndale, 1971.

The Lockman Foundation. The New American Standard Bible. California: Riverside, 1960.

National Council of Churches of Christ in America. The Revised Standard Bible. Michign: Second Edition, Zondervan, 1971.

New York International Bible Society. The New International Version Bible. Michigan: Zondervan, 1978.

The Methodist Publishing House. The King James Version Bible. Nashville: Version set forth in 1611 A. D.

Walsch, Neale Donald. Conversations With God Book 1 New York: Putnam, 1995.

Walsch, Neale Donald. Conversations With God Book 2 Virginia: Hampton Roads, 1997.

Walsch, Neale Donald. Conversations With God Book 3 Virginia: Hampton Roads, 1998.

Walsch, Neale Donald. Friendship With God. New York: Putnam, 1999.

Zukav, Gary. Soul Stories. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000.

Chopra, Deepak, M.D. How To Know God. New York: Random House, 2000.

Budilovsky, Joan, and Eve Adamson. The Complete Idiot's Guide To Meditation. New York: Alpha Books, 1999.

Weiss, Brian L., M.D. Meditation: Achieving Inner Peace and Tranquility in Your Life. California: Hay House, 2002.

Lindsey, Hal. The Late Great Planet Earth. Michigan: Zondervan, 1970.

Cliffs Notes. Registered Trademark of John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Movies:

Paramount Studio. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. California: 1984.

Paramount Studio. Vanilla Sky. California: 2001.

Usa Films. What Dreams May Come. California: 1998.

Columbia/Tristar Studios. City Slickers. California: 1991.

Warner Studios. City of Angels. California: 1998.

Twentieth Century Fox. The War of the Roses. California: 1989.

Paramount. Fatal Attraction. California: 1987.

Warner Home Video. The Thorn Birds. California: 1983.

Warner Studios. The Wizard of Oz. California: 1939.

Songs:

Garth Brooks. Unanswered Prayers. Capitol Records. Nashville: 1995.

Websites:

Chopra, Deepak. www.chopra.com. The Chopra Center.

TV Shows:

NBC. Unsolved Mysteries. California: 1987.

The Scribe Described

This scribe did not intend to be, yet was somehow chosen. Destiny played its part, shifting me to we, from I to all. I have always had a great curiosity about God and had studied much on the subject, but my primary focus was my career. Learning about God took on a new twist when God inspired me to write the words heard. "Hearing" is not how the words actually come, for it is more of a "knowing." When the mind is quieted, the emptiness is filled with inspired knowledge.

I write as and when instructed, either with pen or keyboard. The vehicle does not matter, but the content is to be kept sacred. Always, I understand that I must keep the sanctity of the gift given. Regardless of my own judgments about the content, I understood that the content is not about or for me. The content is to be presented as received, for the benefit of those seeking to have their questions answered.

I cannot profess to be specially qualified, except that I am able to simply bring the words received to print. My credentials really do not offer credence to the work, except that they are verifiable and do demonstrate the normality of my life. I do hold degrees in accounting and education and have thirty years business experience.

K. C. Boone

