

Is It Love or Insanity:

Renewed Encouragement

Author:

Dorsen Viuss Gorefote

Publisher:

Freedom From Rain

Ebook Format

For more information please visit

http://www.Freedomfromrain.weebly.com

COPYRIGHT

Author: Dorsen Gorefote

Publisher: Freedom From Rain

ISBN: 9781466160873

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 Dorsen Gorefote. All rights reserved.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Book Contents:

Copyright:

Book Contents:

-In Memory/Inspiration/Support/Thanks-

Introduction:

Prologue:

January:

February:

March:

April:

May:

June:

July:

August:

September:

Epilogue Switch:

Epilogue Jinggles:

About Dorsen Gorefote:

About Freedom From Rain:

Upcoming:

(Look closely at the book of contents, do you see any images that retains to the story written?)

In Memory/Inspiration/Support/Thanks

No need to say, those of you already know....

IILOI Book Introduction:

!!WARNING!!

This story includes material that those under the age mandated by their country, state, and or province that's unsustainable due to presented adult content. Strong violence, language, suggestive themes, sexual nature, realism, as with my own artistically offensive opinioned views upon reality itself. These WILL cause a conflict with yours. You have been advised! Under the law, I am require to inform you as to avoid prosecution of any kind. If you continue reading beyond this point I'm unaccountable for any legal action as defined by the courts.

Hello, as you could imagine, IILOI is not written like most other novel you've come across.

"Limitation Inhibits Creation", enough said.

[One hundred one diary entries/three hundred fifty pages/book one of four]

In these pages has been captured, a realistically written diary format all the way through. Beside the non story elements and epilogues, its like an actual diary. I even wrote on different days for each entry, along with a ever so enhancing accuracy in writing itself through the chapters, her writing ability sucks. As did my own writing ability, yet I feel it adds an artistically crafted significance. in my view a diary shouldn't be a professionally written piece anyhow. Its after all personal and private thoughts. So spelling, grammar, and even punctuation should be upholded. So there are oddly written sections as with errors. Not enough to ruin the experience, yet enough to make it feel believable.

You shouldn't be disappointed, every genre has been integrated into my stories pages. Mystery, horror, suspense, romance, erotica, race, sex, religion, reality, science fiction, fantasy, supernatural, paranormal, murder. Choose your pick, there all here!

Again, there's purpose to be made in this tale fro tall that occurs, it should be obvious to anyone who's paying close attention. You could always ask me, message wise, should be fun.

***

Prologue:

Lets see here, around the year 2137AD, our time of course. In this particular alternate universe we find ourselves in 137UH. United Humanity, happens to be what those two letters stand for. Since, after the years of 2000AD. Everything sort of collapsed, and reformed under a new power and system. Called the United Human Earth Government. Known as the UHEG.  
Ploon, is our female role in the tale around the tender age of 29 a humble young women. Secretary at a ATTO, Military Base (Part of the UHEG, yet separate) on Sperack Island during the year of 137UH. The very same year everything shifts....

Ploon, found a Brourge, during her daily routines or months at a time. She found herself at the target by the Community of Sperack Island that she once held so greatly. She didn't watch her steps and they found out. Her mind never cleared without Brourge swimming somewhere upon her thoughts. When she lived with her family, went to the college, hung with her friends.

Shes now 30 years old, Brourge, her love still remains. And had her write the diary to explain her frequent blackouts. So four months in her relationship with Brourge here we are!

Dating back all the way to the year of 136UH. Their reason for being together happens to be as interwoven as Ploon's unknowingly harming unsatisfied urges. From which she'd been given at birth and'll be cursed into seeking till death. Much like us Humans, only more extreme.

However, these pages of her diary, shall explore those mysterious occurrences in her life as a Freak. Yet not knowing she's actually even a Freak....fear is only one side affect of change.

***

CHAPTER 1 JANUARY

_-January 5th, 137UH

Decided to go back a few days and write a bit as I'm bored and need to get the hang of this diary thing that my guide has requested I get in the habit of doing. Not completely sure why, never really have seen any use in this sort of thing. However he is my guide and more so, my love. The Iron Moth succeeds all in this world and this included me, even him, since he was the second best then I will follow. At least after this day I'll be one step closer to him, it'll be something to sooth me after my harassment by my community members for my skin or something. They were so annoying, yet I was able to handle their rough treatments of both physical assault and physiological name calling. There had also been the whole embarrassment in the week with the situation that I couldn't get on the bus with one of my friends, Jenny. Something freaked me out; it was the same numbered bus, so I had to sit there in my own red pool of blushing for the next ride. Damn was it just a downer for the rest of the day.

Yet this day was preserved for my attendance at the Military Academy for the routine exam. Which I feel was tedious and a breeze. Though there was something interesting to note, I'm referring to the hefty amount of missing staff and students at the building. What tipped me off had been our professor breaking his routine little textbook speeches and instead showed how sickly he was, coughing up a lung nearly. Then joking said to us, at least he wasn't the only one who would be losing his lung this afternoon. As he chuckled I was concerned, it had never occurred to me that a substantial portion from my class were absent until that point. Surely, my guides influence has encouraged me to open my eyes, yet there is something more occurring. After I checked the list of people absent on the chart near the main office, none had skipped, but all marked sickly. This was not the year for sickness, I didn't like the feeling I had from this, and perhaps a disease or plague may have unlikely started.

Never the less, I was out of the school, the concern for the sickly sort of left my system the minute the sun splashed upon my face from beyond its concrete walls. I pulled out my music player, popped in the head phones, waited for the bus, got on and from my nearest bus stop walked home. I was lost in my music, it blocked all out, but all I thought of, could think of had been my love. Quite awhile, these sort of moments have hit me, he was all that ran through my mind, oh how I longed to feel his warm flesh against my own. I've even lost count as to the scenarios and fantasies that dwelled such times to myself upon the streets walks. Though, I'm not that alone, there is or used to my friends, now only Jenny existed. If she would have been there then we would have hit it off. Still I did enjoy the time to myself, as it is a necessary for one to have some time to themselves once in a while.

At home that day, did my routine chores, homework of a tedious sort, read a few books that I picked up from the library, went though the various exercises at the gym that were requested of me by my guide. He told me, I needed to be ready, but surely a women who is one of the highest ranked players on the Sperack Island Communities Sickle Sport Tountdown team would have been more then fit. Yet he said otherwise, so I followed, though I wondered what he could be planning, oh what could he be planning.

January 6th, 137UH

Another day I decided to skip ahead and will report upon this significant day of events that'll foreshadow my future life. Though for a great portion of this day I held a fuzzy memory of the events that had preceded, yet I shall try to recollect and inform on the situation.

At the Sickle Sports Troutdown for this day of the month, we had beaten the Government Academy Team so it was alright. Though there was a great distraction and countless cases of myself blacking out and waking up ,at points in the game, with no memory of getting there. Needless to say, the something that came before such cases of unknown deployment had been a dagger. An odd dagger, nothing I had ever encountered before, thought of, seen, or even knew had existed until during the time my guide and I hooked up. I say this in the fact, this was not the first time it had appeared to me. Only this time, it was so vivid compared to other appearances and from what he had told me. Apparently, to my lovely guide, this was a normal phase of life for those like us in the awakening, which I have had a hard time accepting.

As for the dagger, the odd thing it was, never before had I witnessed such a thing. It was a dagger, nothing like a sword, its size measured about both of my hands. The handle itself was smooth as bone, a groove was fixed for a hand to grasp hold. Designs of a tentacle nature scattered the blade, which seemed to have naturally sprouted from the bond handle, and the handle with aligned differences. The blade was one third the size of the dagger while the handle had taken the rest. It appeared to me, in the waters during the game, then disappeared and reappeared a few times. Not much of a real distraction had come from such a thing, but if these hallucinations are normal, then what am I? That question jabbed me hourly.....when such a dagger would appear unannounced.

Again those damn sickly were so annoying, their coughs never stopped. On the bus, locker room, during the actual game. Nothing more than cough cough cough. Damn, it's bad enough most of them hate me from just sharing judgment with the Sperack Island Community Leaders. Who I feel unfairly labeled me. Even my family has their unspoken opposition it would seem.

Unfortunately, many of my former friends and overall teammates had already fled. They still carry on the vote of the Island Community, to isolate me from being corrupted by another. I only missed a few days of the Tuesday Sperack Island Community meetings and they suddenly threw their fist. Yet they must be fools or something, I mean, if I was corrupt why I would I have a guide and they continue sitting and praying to the Iron Moth. Which I've been graciously been granted a branch of as a guide or would it because I'm corrupt that they would send me such a person. Anyhow, I'm glad Brourge is at my side as both a lover and guide of the Iron Moth. He was a man of men, a few inches above my height, toned, through a bit dirty from time to time; he was after all a working man. Had a fairly thick mustache, confirmed scars upon varies places on his body with some tattoos which all ranged in size, then a large missing piece of his face in the lower portion of his right jaw. Oddly enough such a missing piece was shaped as a rough hourglass, could barely be made out as such but that's what it was. Of course he was no money, though he wore something in particular upon his pale, darker skinned then my own, white body. Around his neck was always this shinning totem, that was long, uneven, an hourglass shaped. Through he corrected me on this, it suppose to represent a broken hourglass yet he teased me about it. Never telling me why he wore such a thing, I figure it was a family inherit item of sorts from his industry on the island. Usually it was hidden in his shirt, at times, it comes swinging out.

On a more positive note, Jenny, one of my last real friends, was there after the game. Actually she had anticipated in the a few rounds today, which was a plus. Though unfortunately she didn't mention anything about me acting peculiar so I kept my trap shut about my blacking out and hallucinations. In the locker room of the stadium we took our time, enjoying each other's company, while others deiced to shun us, fuck'em. Her and I just chatted things up, giggling and laughing about how we beat the damn Government team. The expressions their team players gave when they were beaten, especially a few, always threw tantrums or some bizarre form of response to losing. To my own surprise, she did notice something I had not expected, my smiling of course and the exsevisioness that I had expressed myself in such a manner. She seemed to notice it right away, though how or why would I want to diminish such a feeling of cheerfulness within me. Is one not suppose to be happy about being happy and sad about being sad, whatever the case she asked me why I was acting out of character.

Being Jenny was my best friend, or my only, I decided to tell her. Though the thought that she would inform the community about the man I was still with, again, the very same I ditched the community meetings for. Which was the reason, labeled traitor like me, was being punished in the first place. However I shamed myself for thinking such a thing, my sense told me she couldn't cause such harm as that. My sense has never been wrong before, Jenny was a scorer then a defender in the sports game so she was a bit more thinned down body then I. Her braded dark brown hair was a carpet compared to mine in both thickness and length. How she dealt with it, as with pale skin again darker when compared to me, she had also been a bit shorter by a few inches to. Everything seemed perfect about her, using makeup seemed to be a habit of hers. Thick orange eyeliner, above each eye. Eyebrows dyed blue, as with other hair on her body, yet not that head of hers. Then her orange colored nails, polished to perfection. Usually a white padded face, not sure what's actually attractive to guys. Not been interested in them much, as she doesn't have a man either. Well, until now, I have one, but we were always laughing at others who got married so quickly. Not anymore.

The entire time in the lockers, showers, on the walk and wait to the bus stop, on the bus, and the walk to my place, we spoke of Brourge. My lover, my guide, mentor, master, though I kept a lot of these labels to myself, though I feel she knew. Just no matter the tedious assignment at hand, his image made it or even everything glee. She stated I must be obsessed or something, surly this isn't the case. Again we walked home, though it was another surprise that we walked to my place, she had never been over before. I feel it was just so enjoyable I never asked why she had gotten off at my stop.There was something I will have to note, during our conversation about my loving Brourge, I didn't know what he actually did for a living. He did do some traveling, but he has to have a lot of spare time elsewhere for that's all he mentions occurs.

Why he could only meet a few times a week, I knew he owned the bar chain that spanned over the world, but he and his family ran that. What could be taking his time up enough to not hook up and hang out more, both Jenny and I agreed as to figure this out through mainly me.

There was a final agreement between Jenny and I, she wanted to meet this man. To ensure her girl was with a proper man of my caliber, she even imitated with the buffed out chest. I only poked her and pretended it was nothing more than a balloon full of air that whistled away from the hole I made. Eventually through some laughs, we split up and went our separate ways. She answered the question I had about her being at my stop and living elsewhere on the island. She stated, it was getting some needed exercise. As she had walked away and I was through the door, there was something curious I found out. Where does Jenny live?

So I have a few things on my list. Though I still ponder whether I'm doing something right or wrong when it comes to betraying the community for my guide. Then again, from what he tells me, they're the corrupt ones, I don't believe any of it yet. But I know this much, a basic teaching of the Iron Moth, women follow the man. I'm doing exactly that, he is mine and I am his. There is no wrong being done here, that there is a difference in the Iron Moth and the Island Community leaders we serve.

Odd, before being able to undress properly in my home, I was visited by my switch behavior. I was unable to enter my room through the door. Up the stairs and down the hall, straight on through. There, stalled, daunted as what to do. Nope, though solved after some minutes. My hand shook at near the knob while the attempted failed to open my door, though, I just turned to the bathroom. Walking left, opening and closing such a door. I locked in my privacy with a click of a latch. Turning on the water under the mirror, cupping both hands, splashing water again and again over my face's makeup. Drying off with a towel....I believe, either I went downstairs for some grub or I went into my room first. Regardless, my switch crisis was over for now.

January 9th, 137UH

I know, its mid week and I have decided to write about my feelings and thoughts. Which had been Brourge's intentions from the beginning so I see nothing wrong is being done.

Its just that unnerving feeling, I have to say or do something. Even write it in a damn page of paper, of my own. What I speak of is easy to understand, my family, surly I love them but there are no connections between us. Besides the whole being family and being part of the Sperack Island Community. Only indifference, is what I feel with them. Cause they just abuse technology, they sided with the Island Community in labeling me at least they never seem to care.

They are right now, sitting down stairs and watching the Minformation upon the large wall coving screen, it's a special channel they say, only for Military persons. Witch supposedly I am, being I used to work at the Military base, but not anymore so I could care less and yes Brourge helped me divide myself from technology a bit further. Being the fact its not needed for happiness. Naturally he's been demonstrating his reasoning's since we've been together, hmmmmmm. Just thinking of our skin intermixing is causing my mouth to water.

He still is going to have to explain me, Brourge I mean, about how the Government is manipulating and controlling everyone. I don't understand that, he did show me a sign or logo on the side of one of the buses and told me that is the signal that their moving onto this island. I recall such an advertisement, it was for the Shenn Que Corporation, it's emblem of two 'E's' back to back and both slanted downward. Again they were already here, their headquarters had been located on the island for years when I was young. So of course their here, but this island has been Military since I could remember, how could the Government just come in and take over. As I stated, he'll have to try a bit harder to convince me something of that magnitude is going to occur.

I do believe him on the front of the division of Government and Military, but no real evidence of a civil war breaking loose.

Can't wait till Saturday, Brourge and I will meet again.

At least I have the Military Academy to show me the vast worlds of mysterious unknowns. Its one of the few places I feel at peace. Marine biology is what I seek to explore more and more, such wondrous thoughts, just completed some homework on it this night even. Though I feel I also know why I have taken to such a thing, nearly drowned when I was young along with. I recall, just something that pulls me to the ocean, movements upon such a vast world below us. The smell, salty taste, such fluid feeling of being so small in the other realm. Its magnificent, such a build of my childhood, guess it could be the fact I live on an island and were we're surrounded on all sides..

Damn, rambling again...

January 12th, 137UH

Wanted to add a few things from the week I hadn't added before or that have occurred in the time I wrote before and have decided to note them in there with my other thoughts.

I had decided to head to the library in the morning, hoping to miss any tedious contact with my family. However, this was not the case, though they didn't notice me I was engulfed by the blazing noise held by the screen from the living room. The very same room where my family sat, where I walked through without a notice of any concern for me leaving so early in the morning without even a bite to eat. No questioning about it being a school day or anything, I guess I wanted someone attention but still I wanted to get away from the screen which harbored the Minformation. The most disturbing part of that time on Friday had been what I did, before I shut the front down behind me, I stood there listening.

Surely the Minformtion announcers spoke of nonsense, mainly retaining to terrorist attacks and Government assaults that were suspenseful on the shoreline radio towers upon the main land. Noticing myself listening so intently, I slammed the door and tromped off on the snow covered sidewalk. Heading my way to the bus station, I was disgusted with myself. I suddenly only thought of Brourge and myself, together in such joy.

On to what occurred the day afterwards, this Saturday, of course is what I'm referring to. After taking quite the refreshing shower, skipping the morning moments with my family in front of the Minformation, I was off to one of the bus stops with a bagged lunch.

Getting off at the nearest bus stop, I was frizzed with both indifference for my family and the hope Brourge would be around. My mind shifted from both ends of the table, from which I thought, I finished my bagged meal when I arrived at nearest bus stop to the bar. Couldn't recall if it was cold or windy, my mind was so sidetracked it had been unreal. Crumpling the bag I carried with me I walked through the swinging doors and threw it away into one of the trash bins inside. Upon finding a seat, a hand found me, grasping the sides of my thighs then snuggling his own into mine. We sort of stayed like this, for a bit, until finally taking our seats at one of the open slots.

The waiter came over and Brourge, my lovely, bought me a real breakfast. Noting that he doesn't approve seeing his girl, me, consuming such low amounts of necessary vitamins and minerals for growth. I thanked, but he only asked that such thanks should come after the food is served and judged. Of course my giggly smile took way as his own yellowish reflecting grinning teeth peered through. While we waited, the music filling our heads, himself captivated so fluently by the food about to be delivered to me. I took another grand look at him, scan such features that I couldn't keep me away.

That large gapping flesh eaten hour glass shaped hole in his right underside cheek, his pale skin drifted with such a enticing sweat with dirt, his toned body still was shown through his baggy clothing he wore, mainly it was all hidden underneath his large white fur trimmed tattered wool coat. Guess it all was his signature, though he stated there were many reasons why he decided to dress in such an odd manner, I believe it was to also blend in as a commoner or something along those lines. I admired it, that he did as he pleased, entrusting me with such information.

Soon such silence of admiration was dead when the waiter came rushing over and delivered the plate of food with such manners. Upon my plate laid three butter oozing wheat warm bread biscuits, one bowl of a chucky steaming rice carrot soup, and a tall glass of orange berry juice. Then the conversation arose, we spoke of trees and overall plant life, if they had souls of their own?

Of course I was eating the grub he'd ordered for me, but I was able to keep the conversation alive. No matter how random the topic may have been. The jokes he made while I both voluntarily filled my mouth fully when I felt he was going to carry on for some time with his explanation of words made me crackle. Nearly spitting my food back onto the plate before me, I held strong with such a fury of laugher bubbling in my throat.. Eventually, we got to the point where all the grub had been gobbled up and prepared to leave. Yet we were still continuing to ramble on about the souls of trees, I feel he was winning this discussion.

Putting on my coat, we had already walked out the front door. The weather had remained the same from when I walked here from the stop, which was fine by me. I adjusted my glasses and began to button my coat while Brourge only motioned me along as he led. Taking my time, I knew exactly where we were a heading, the silo. Such a sinister grin over took me at such a thought and remembrance. Walking by the windows and turning the corner on the bar's left side, I walked down the empty pathway, looking down into the snow I continued to crunch under my feet. Thinking only of us, the time were shared before, the experience were about to embark on again. Something took me by surprise, Brourge seemed to have frozen up against the bar wall, actually I was jumpy when I first noticed him.

Brourge was so silent, still at the very wall he leaned against, his eyes stared into the parking lot. Beinging to become scared of the situation before me, I decided to place my hand upon his chest of his open coat. Through the shirt he wore there was a steady heart beat, looking at him so intently he only concentrated on the unknown task at hand. Well, I had no idea what he was doing, being so playful at the time, just couldn't help myself.

Telling Brourge that I felt so cold without him, I snuggled into his open spread self. Allowing us to become one, my hands crept up his shirt and so warm he was. Thanking him for letting me cuddle with him, yet he still ignored me so that's when an attitude was cocked. Though before that, he moved slowly, his left hand reached for the side of his pants. Which I leaped away and sounded off. Yelling at him for a having a firearm, I backed up quite a ways and noticed something else, upon the rooftop. It was so quick though. I couldn't get a vivid enough imprint of what it was, all I know it was staring at me and was entirely a black shadowed creature.

In that very moment, it vanished before my eyes, shedding snow on the two of us before. Naturally this is what made Brourge spring into action and apparently was the cause of his odd behavior, he was frightened too, now that I recall the look upon his face. So scared we both were, swiping the snow from out sights, we were allowed to see the size of the thing. It was large, had to be, two footprints laid in the snow covered rooftop and something that swung behind it that left a trail. What did make me happy had been the simple fact that my man had no gun, only a knife which he pulled out. Luckily there was no confrontation, I mean the black shadowed thing might have been my imagination mostly. Glad that conversation never came up, it sort of just disappeared as the snow does when it melts. So, we were off walking the snow trail to the silo, in silence.

We're not going to the silo, Brourge told me, instead we're were going to have our session in the cave today. Which of course meant nothing to me, though we halted briefly, I was handed a blindfold from one of his pockets as he finally holstered his knife. I happily obliged, taking the blindfold from him, at least he no longer was freaked out. Asking for assistance in finishing the knot on the back of her head, he began to brush my hair with his hand, I freaked and tried to stop him. He held my hands and aggressively whispered into my ear, why was I fighting him. Of course I stated I didn't want my scars to show, his reply had been, who was going to see. Feeling foolish, I allowed him to scatter my hair, oh how I despised those scars upon my nose and ear. Though he cheered me up, as we began to move along at his guiding hand, those scars are what made up the person he'd come to love. It made me blush at the thought.

Moving forward, for what felt like for ever, he stated we were there. I was filled with joy, yet he held me still and guided me, I tired not to resist. We came to some stairs, which now made sense to me, why he guided me so carefully. These stairs were nothing like what I've ever felt before, so natural they were, compact dirt perhaps. Soon the sounds of water running from a waterfall came into hear shot, my feet ruffled dirt or sand upon the floor. Brourge removed my blindfold, which I saw one of the most dazzling sights that ever before was bestowed upon me. The walls were carved out, on its upper potions all around us, the tippy top was shrouded in darkness but shined. Pools of water scattered about, tunnels in every corner, it was also such a huge space that surround us, within the walls held non visible torches that lit the cavern for it was no cave in my mind. Then I blacked out.

Sorry and forgive me, these were the sort of words that filled my mind when I awoke. Of course Brourge was the one who repeated them, I was in the bed in the silo, any thing that resembled the cave was no where in sight. He paced back and forth, upon noticing I was awake, he came and sat besides me on the bed. I laid back down to join him. He started to explain what had occurred and why. Basically he felt I was ready to take hold and resist the cave's barriers that defended in from intruders, but I was unable. Apparently he felt I might of died as so many others had done so in the past, such caringness frosted his face and eyes it sucked me in so heavily. Though I stated I was fine, in my unconsciousness, there was such pain that burned me. Again, I didn't want to worry him any more, so I kept it to myself.

We just laid there only wearing our under clothes, Brourge began to say a bit about the history of the cave, that is was ancient and many had fallen there as many who trained. Though it was getting silent, I couldn't concentrate, I wanted him within me. I know it was a lot to ask for, at least some sort of session was better then none at all for it was getting late out. Nearly dark, so I grabbed hold of his sex, giving him that look of desire. At first he seemed pissed, I blushed when I directly felt his sex growing under my hands gasp. Then his hand held my throat and me down upon the bed, he was atop and already shirtless. Howling at me to undress as well, he nearly tore off my pants, damn was it getting me more then just excited. Such an animal my love was, without even having to touch me, I was ready at a seconds notice.

Needless to say, a lot occurred in the next following hours, though no sex, yet it was more then back up by other activates of greater if not equal magnitude. We were off again, off too the bar we walked, he stated I needed to become stronger to handle the cave. I shot him a dirty look at such a remark of his. Though he just told me to keep up with those exercises and I should be more then capable of stabilizing myself in the cave. Then an odd topic of horses came up, he brought them up, asking if I ever rode one. I replied I'd never even seen one. So he sighed wearing a grin and we went our separate ways with a sparing tender kiss.

At home I was unsurprising ignored by my family, eating my dinner alone upstairs. During such time I wrote out this entry, yet had been falling asleep too. I thought of the relevance of trees having souls, horses, and the cave all have in common.

Walking out of my room, into the bathroom. While the house stirred quietly with only snores emitted. In the bathroom again I locked the room with quick ease. Yet the looking into the mirror. Myself I saw, it was hideous. All that I am, how could Brourge, my man and savor, even stand by me. How could be look at me, I so...urgg! Those thick glasses, scars peering through the makeup on both my nose and ears, skin paler then snow, and of course I'm a no good Asian. Whatever that meant, surely it was something horrible. I mean, the only one on this despicable island is me. There must be a reason, like the black sheep of the group. The one to be ignored and yet bullied, I never even got to decide if I wanted to be this...thing.

I tied to become someone, yet everything I couldn't make it. Even in collage, I'm starting to slip, in the Sport Troutdown my awareness is slipping. Why am I the Asian, the single women without a man. At such a time, I had already began to cry aloud and shaped my hand into such a fist of anger. Then I thought of my beliefs, saying no too violence and guns. There was never any need, it would only lead to more trouble. Yet my tears hadn't stopped in the least. With the thought of Brourge. Something happened, such a usually self hating time, became anew.

A renewed encouragement, I wasn't single anymore. Someone was here for me, people labeled me a black sheep. However, could that have been envy? They all look exactly alike, no real difference to tell any of them apart. Did they know I was going to inherit a man, a man of such magnificence, was this my destiny. Getting up off the cold toilet seat, I looked in the mirror. Shying away unsteadily, fearing what I saw myself as. In that instant blurred reflection. Turning back, I told myself that he sought me, looking directly into my eyes with fear. Brourge wanted you, from the very beginning, perhaps those imperfections set you apart, making you not hideous yet something even more stunning. Washing my face off with some warm water and a towel. My heart calmed itself.

In me, snapped, my love has come and so has my true self. In all its glory. He's already has me, I told myself, I am his as he is mine. Just thinking of our bodies intertwined again. Just blushed me out of the bathroom and into such a dance of fantasy.

Walking back into my room, shutting the door behind myself. I heard an odd sound coming form the streets. Trucks moving in the snow falling night. Lights flashing, people with cranes moving about, yet the howling wind seemed to muffle most of the racket created. Peering out of my closed window, they were seen, more of less a construction crew making updates on the power system in the area. Yet all around in the surround houses, it was quiet as the night. No one was else seemed to have been bothered by this. By such continuous sounds....

Shrugging it off, I looked forward to not only seeing Brourge in the day of tomorrow but also that cave again. If I had what it took....

January 13th, 137UH

Got ready for the meeting between myself and Brourge, with the usual extra care to my clothing and figure this morning. Though I knew Brourge could care less what I looked like, this was for myself to feel comfortable. As he stated it was ingrained behavior for a women to act in this manner, to seem spotless and proper, though I see his argument I can't stop. No matter what, wouldn't' couldn't be done, it's an unstoppable habit to break, even if time would be given to bust such a thing, would I? Again I feel comfortable doing this every morning or every chance I get in front of a mirror. Checking my purse to ensure I had my phone and a snack after our session today.

Stepping outside, as I suspected, the warm sun shined down upon the island. The snow on the ground continued to melt as I made my way to the nearest bus stop, it was sunny and everything just so lovely. The wind drifted toward me, shifting my skirt slightly, oh the chilly yet relaxing feeling of the sun's gaze upon my bare skin. Reaching the crowded bus stop, with others I waited, tempted to eat the snack I bought, though I already had a meal before leaving it felt left like a waste then. So I just tried to enjoy the weather while it lasted, truly days like this don't come very often. Seems the Minformation was useful for once. Finally the bus came steaming along, we all got on, except for a couple who stated they were waiting for someone to join them before departing.

So, on my way to Brourge's bar, I suddenly had an urge. The bus came to a stop near such a place, two passengers got off, but I did not. I couldn't do it, allow myself, I was so fearful that even goose bumps riddled me. As we pulled away from the stop in front of the bar, I only looked out the window as it passed. Placing my head down into my hands, which were now covering my mouth, I began swearing too myself. No one looked at me so I would assume no one noticed me saying such things of horrid natures to myself I realized what had occurred. One of those moments, its has to do with something repetitive, something in me doesn't like me doing the same routine every day. At least this is the reasoning I've come up with on this reoccurring problem of mine. Though Brourge has no knowledge of this, I'm not entirely sure it's a problem. I guess, never has it been written about so perhaps not even discovered. Really haven't thought about it until writing about this sort of topic. In fact many people might have it, perhaps may be a normal trait we all share.

In any case, I felt like just returning home or trying the bar again, but I didn't want to feel too embarrassed if something happened. If an event occurred between the bus driver and me with just riding around, not getting off anywhere. Didn't need the stress or hassle, as with the community might try to put this in my record as odd behaviors witnessed. So I got off at the Iron Moth statue, guess I just wanted to do some extra reviewing on my life, another old habit maybe. Perhaps I wanted to give thanks for my guide of the Iron Moth, that was sent and given to me and only me on this island. Never have I read a story on a guide being presented to anyone before, so perhaps I might have been the first. With such thoughts I sort of drifted in a high to the square where the statue stood.

It was a masterpiece, the statue was as taller and wider then any building I've seen on the island. Of a metal, appeared as iron yet lived as something., The taste and smell was wrong, one person told me at a time ago. With two large wings at its sides, a collection of spikes sprouted out of its inner self in the corners between the wings and the head. There was a single pole which held it up in place, it was usually bent in several directions and popped up through the statues head at an angle. The head ,itself, was a maze within, which peered through to those who looked as it spiraled inward endlessly. It was so sharply crafted, mathematical to perfection, nothing was solid, only web after web of metal that hung together to form its limbs. Of course this was only visible when looked at closely. The most important portion was the key to awaking the statue, someone had to approach it for judgment, to find out if they live on or parish.

Approaching it, already the statue had been active, seems others harbored similar ideas , to either give thanks or speak their minds. Before I was able to be at peace and bow at is foundation, someone ran over and pushed me onto the street pavement. Its was one of those fools of the Island Community, she was just a bitch as far as I was concerned. Never the less I had to hear her antagonizing garbage spill from out of its shameful mouth. Such anger towards me, for most likely doing what I've done every Tuesday, somehow I did something wrong. Her smile was as though a fragile mask.

That bitch's horrid voice rained over me as we stared face to face, I was waiting for a punch or some form of physical abuse to allow her to release her anger. Though it would appear she didn't want anyone seeing her acting so horribly towards anyone without the right or period. She had the power to do as she wished, but if done she might lose her little position next year. At least this is what I rationalized what saved me form a brutal thrashing or myself kicking her to the ground, those annoying eyes a watching. Nope, the same old shit, yelling at me for not having a partner, being the age I was. Along with being corrupted then trying to bow before the Iron Moth was just obscene in her eyes.

At the end of her speaking lecture I wanted to just wanted to puck those very eyes of hers out. Surely I would never do anything of that nature, but I was more then allowed to fantasize, for stress was after all stress. Then she finally skipped over the line, being I was labeled a traitor, I'd never go anywhere in life anymore. Even if I was proven otherwise, this only would delay the fact that I would be treated as such a person who was indeed a traitor. Finally she left me alone; still I was burning within, especially as she laughed about it in my face of all things. I couldn't do it, with such hate and anger within me, I just was not able to allow myself to kneel before the Iron Moth. So I walked to the nearest bus stop and waited, thinking about all that was spoken between her and myself. Grinning at the moment, I knew I was right, had a partner. The very same partner was my guide, how could I have been wronged.

Taking the bus again, I the goose bumps; I felt I'd wait for the library stop it would have been a particular place to stay. Brourge would surely come to find me anyhow. From my usual time, I was late which meant he would worry a bit and move on out for the hunt. Such a thought was magical, him seeking me out, trapping me to the ground, taking his reward as my punishment of tardiness. Of course before I was allowed to finish that thought of delight the bus came to the stop I sought. Getting off the bus and walking to the library, seems I was right about my man. He was leaning upon the Libraries entrance wall, dazing up at the blue sky. I approached softly, he didn't notice me nor did anyone else I think. Speaking his name did nothing, he just looked my way and I asked what he was up to and he replied with the same question toward me. Eventually we went to the very same bus stop I had gotten off at and waited for a ride, in the mean time we talked.

Naturally we both got onto the subject of my behavior of being unable to do routines completely, that I wouldn't allow myself to do it. Brourge asked some very probing questions of me, but as the bus came along we were off and he explained it might be some physiological tweak, though to him it was nothing to be worried about. He asked if my life was ever threatened by such a thing, I replied, "no". Then we hoped onto the same subject from yesterday, do trees have souls as people. I couldn't really answer with my view for him as he rambled on about aspects I didn't really see. Though we came up with the fact that perhaps trees do have souls as anything else does, just as we got off at the stop.

We walked to the bar from the stop, going on about the whole whacky ideas he had about trees. I never knew such a simple thought could be complied into a web of such complex scenarios. We both were booming with life and laughs, there was one that had gotten me in particular. What if they saw and influenced us without our knowledge. It was a bit frightening, or to be a trees puppet, plants even. It sent shivers and such thoughts of creativity. Then I had just noticed, why was I able to get off the bus and walk to the bar, naturally I kept this to myself and hoped for Brourge to notice.

He didn't notice one bit, we got picked up a bite to eat at the bar to go and headed off the silo in back. It hit me, when I walked by that same portion of the roof. Was it there, I hadn't recalled such a beast until now, why didn't I remember before. It bothered me as I walked cautiously long side him as we ate our handheld meals, then I asked him about my inability to come here using the bus. He told me simply it was because he was there, beginning to giggled about it as he did too. I asked for him to be serious with me. Apparently he handled such matters in a more joking manner; it was because I had been distracted from that thing, I was able too go through with it. I nodded my head and agreed, it did make sense, though what I snuffed at him for saying had been the reality, it was all in my head. It sounded logical and all, but I feel at the time I didn't want to be seen as weak.

At the silo, we set out belongs down upon the surprisingly warm floor. This included our clothes, we then continued upstairs. I couldn't help but insist he'd go first, he did jumping on the bed and tuning his head slightly back at me. Stating; he was only an image to me, though in a form of a question, as his ass pouched out up into the air in small thrusts. Of course I bursted out laughing, the voice with such a face he did used was just hilarious when compared to his usually superior presentation. I joined him on the bed, crawling at his side and a bit underneath. With only a ragged buttoned up shirt upon him, he took it upon himself to move over me. I went up to grasp him, he ensured I didn't. There I laid, awaiting his movement of the bizarre. All four of his limbs stretched apart around me. My sights only could fixate on that hourglass hole scar on his face. Ashamed I felt.

Suddenly, while feeling ashamed for not seeing anything else on my man as interesting, lips were upon me. A tongue within, forcing its way inside, myself trying to match such velocity. Soon though, with my eyes closed. Those warm thrusts upon my lips, the gates to my mouth, we're gone. I sought for them with my tongue in the air, though no hands. Didn't want to disobey, perhaps ruin the fun. Before long, his lips and mine we in one another, our tongues colliding. Soon, gone once again, my eyes opened slightly. Getting the picture, Brourge was performing a few pushes ups over me. From there on, he continued to move up and I intercepted when came down. This entire time, I could only squirm in the effort to control myself. Myself red as red could be.

Finally, when his exercise over myself was complete. In the simple fact, he was now sitting next too me. Suddenly a mixture of both fear and desire watched throughout my being. Empowered, by our little game moments ago. With my legs spread, few words uttered from my mouth into the nippy air. I asked to be taken by him. I couldn't look at Brourge or myself, how embarrassed I was to have said that. He asked I close my eyes, that if I opened them. Even for a few seconds, I was too lose my ability of asking too be taken. I agreed. A warm hand, other then mine, was felt through my thick baggy dark blue jeans. Holding along my thigh it slightly pulled. I insisted on opening my legs more, nearly straight from one side of the bed to the other. His voice called to me, asking if this was excited. Answering with a quick yes, two hands fondled my thighs on both of my legs. Making their way to such a center, they caressed deeply. Blood zooming through my being. As I twisted and turn from the overwhelming pleasure that took hold. Through my jeans and panties, fingers danced an unbeatable spell. Again I kept myself silent as possible, eyes closed, legs spread, and my hands to myself. Caressing my own shirt covering breasts. I just couldn't believe it was going to happen like this.

It slowed down, those warm hands of his were gone. Soon I danced my left hand to replace the sensational feeling that dissipated. Being stopped, slapped across my face. I shuttered in fear of being hit again. Soon his voice spoke to me, saying how impatient of a person. Not even able to control my sensational pleasures, what if another brought me too such a thing. Would stopping even cross my mind or would continuing be the only option. Apologizing, I asked if I could be pleasured again, he seemed it right. I don't blame him. Asking me to say I wanted to be pleasured, which I said aloud as he continued to dance his fingers over my lower lips between my thighs. Soon his hands were inside my pants with such panties aside. Further those fingers danced upon myself. I climaxed in ecstasy. Thanking Brourge, I covered up after a quick wipe with a towel and he explained to me I could do this on my own. Commenting, that it only felt right with him...

We both sat with one another, our arms taking hold of the other. Seemed like hours, we sat, laid, and repositioned ourselves without letting go.

Suddenly he spoke, asking of me, do they still suspect. I nodded, in his warmth. He told me not too worry, the fall was already in their loving custody. Saying, that now, he will be executed and I would be cleared for suspicion of assisted terrorism. Though, it might take some time for my reputation to be returned to normal. Again, nothing to worry about. I couldn't help my nature, why did he have to die. Of course Brourge, smiled his yellow smile. Stating that in reality, the fell guy was already a traitor in the organization he served. Before I was able to ask which organization, we were off on another topic entirely.

My status of being at the Island Community Meeting every Tuesday and going to those festival's at the end of the months. At least that I show I'm with them or more of willing. Perhaps the whole process of being resurrected as who I used to be should go faster and smoother. His advise and I believe it could indeed work out just as he stated. Pulling up one of those sleeves of his, a small cheap watch was peered upon. Pulling his sleeve back down over such a thing. We shared such a passionate kiss, I didn't want too let him go. He moved off the bed and I followed. Supposedly time was near for something, that was news to me. He asked if walking her home was alright. That got me going, getting dressed at the silo door, we moved on out into the night. Grabbed another quick bite too eat at the bar. Finishing the meal, with the small crowd near the bus stop. We both boarded, picking a seat. He had myself sit near the window and him on the inside. Overjoyed, could be descried as was he. Nestling my head into his wool coat. Feeling such warmth and that heart pumping.

Soon, within the city portion, more capitalized, Brourge calls the driver too stop. He got off, telling me that he was sorry. Urgent business, with one last kiss, he was out of reach. I looked out the window. Only able too see him walking into an apartment building. I wrote the name down on a pad of paper and by pen. Though that pen was a bit stiff. Had too use it a bit first. Placing them back into my purse, I sat there. Staring out the window. Wondering why, why, would he abandon me without warning, lift my hope and drop me. I tried to convince myself to understand he was busy, yet with what? What could be more important then me. His girl!

Going by the Iron Moth statue at the square of the city, it moved so majestically. There were many below at it's base. Praying as they did, it judged their thoughts and desires. Beautiful it truly was, perhaps I should try to forgive Brourge for a bit longer. If he is a guide, more people might need his help. Shuttering at the thought of my man having more lovers was depressing. Soon, he and I will meet again. Perhaps I'll have the courage too clear things up.

A younger girl tapped my shoulder, turning around to meet them. Face to face, smiling we were, she asked me my name. I obliged being Ploon Reme Moren. This women then shifted from standing too sitting in the seat next to me. In a matter of moments, her face turned away and retuned to my gaze. No smiles only hate seemed to cover her. As for myself, I tried to keep the happiness alive. Yet, what this bitch said next only filled me with rage and hate all the same. Though I only ignored her, leaving her gaze. A few others near by, over hearing the bitch spewing from that fucking mouth of hers. Saying how it must feel, to be alone, as a worthless cunt like myself should feel. Alone, hated, despised, raped, beaten, yelled at, no job, shameful and disgrace upon my family. Overall, should be made to be reminded of this daily, until such a traitorous cunt takes her own life. That is exactly what this little bitch fucking toward me all the way home. I know, violence is not the answer. Several times on the way to my stop, I asked her to stop her maundering words of hate. She only continued and others joined in. Trapping me, the only thought in my mind that halted such hate from forming a beating upon them....had been Iron Moth's guide. Brourge, hurting these little bitches and bastards would surely get me killed long before I'm sentenced. I knew that much, so looking out the window with Brourge. I was able to reach my bus stop without much inconvenience. Except for the main push of the bitch who blocked me in that seat.

Even walking away from that damn load of pricks, they continued to yell out the windows at me. Until finally pulled away with the bus itself, without Brourge, I feel. Arrested, would have been my description tonight. Then again, was it not he, the reason why I'm hated. Such anger swelled in me for the thought of Brourge being I'm in trouble. He is a guide from beyond and as such knows what he's doing. Trying his best.

Walking upon the snow covered sidewalk, I witness those trucks again. Much fewer in number however, on the streets. The workers seem to be talking upon themselves. Never even noticing me walking by, so dark it was, yet the lightening provided from the over looking lamp posts illuminated the entire block. Enough so, that the stars were not even visible above. I walked home with my head down, those bitches were getting to me. Brourge disappearing and sneaking as he did, surely didn't help.

Then, more fun, I shook while attempting to open the front door of my home. Tried three separate times, no good. Had to use the back door, my mother was a bit surprised and asked the obvious question. I smiled when she asked, yet felt horrible. Wasn't able too tell who I smiled for, Brourge or my mother. From there it was just another lonely dinner filled night. Not much lively hood besides that.

When allowed the time in my room, I wrote my thoughts and feelings in these very pages. Surely, I'll be looking closer at that apartment building. My sense screams something is amiss, that more is happening then seen. Using a local computer or even the Minformatnion downstairs would work effectively. Though on that subject of Brourge. His vanishing acts seem to be rolling into quite the pattern. Police or no police, excuses, and lies. Regardless, I'm going to be entrusting my love, this guide with my life and all. He got me into this mess and now he'll be responsible of getting me out. Your call, my beloved Brourge. The Island Community is nothing too me.....for I was and will be worthy in the eyes of the Iron Moth for allowing me this great opportunity to be someone.

January 14th, 137UH

Oh, quite the night it had been. Sleeping without a disturbance of any sort. I slept so subtly, though that dream. A clock tower, a women upon it, screaming into the rising morning sun. Around that very scene was a small town of houses and buildings ranging in heights and shapes. Nothing I've seen before. Yet surrounding both the tower, with the women atop, and that town below. Forest of forest, thick woods, summer or spring season occurring over them all. Then, horrible, a blaze sparked form the clock tower. Fire building up into a ball around that very women a screaming into the wind. All at once, such a flame washed itself over the tower, incinerating it instantly into ashes. Mimicking the motions of tidal wave, the flames continued to spread over the entire town and forest. In end, of this dream, I found it was not a nightmare. Watching it occurring and the town itself fall into the ground while ablaze, there I stood. Though not alone, there were many. Two dogs, dirt formed living mannequin, one green spider, and a man holding my hand. We stood across a river watching together, I was in love with him. As myself, I wasn't actually human either. A jellyfish, oddly enough, my favorite animal. Then when about too kiss this man. I awoke.

The dream kept my mind busy nearly all morning. From breakfast, showing, choosing and dressing myself. Which I found it too still be quite nippy out. Putting on my blue trimmed strap leather boots, black stockings with the ladder type slits down the back, baggy blue jeans over the stockings. As for above just a plain pink long sleeve shirt a baggy yellow pull over sweater with the Iron Moth symbol upon its front and back side. The hood, two small ropes on both ends and a pair of opposite sided pockets. Before walking out the door, I grabbed my purse and backpack, which all carried. My diary, checked out books from the library as with projects from collage, makeup, pen, paper, a house key, and key to my locker at the gym. I didn't suspect being with my love all day. Or, in case he dumped my ass again, I would at least be productive in something till another time came around. Out the door I went after taking on my coat with me.

With a step forward into the icy, fresh fallen snow, I pondered with thought. Mainly between my dream and Brourge. What could of it meant in my dream, why would such a thing be in my head? As for my man, why did and does he seem too disappear without telling me reason. More of the fact, why don't I ever ask of him and his motives more often then not. Upon coming onto that very topic, do I fear him and what does he even find attractive of me. Yeah, after this day, it just got under my skin again. Too many questions, not ever enough time for a decent answer. What a walk of walks, passing up a rolling bus near by. I continued forward, wanted to give Brourge as much time as possible. In arriving I meant, wanting him there so badly, I must admit. Finally, reaching that library within the city. Going inside, had forgotten my ID, yet the women at the desk checked my name. Looking into the database from her computer, I must of come up. Regardless of the harm to my reputation, I used to be a regular here. Before my friends went against me. Along with the simple fact of that bar being so much damn peaceful. Oddly enough, a quiet library or a drunken dance off location. Bizarre indeed.

Moving through the security gates. Into the reading section, finding most tables were empty I sat along side a large window that overlooked the Iron Moth statue square. Marvelous sight that was, staring upon it, minutes seemed hours. Looking around for my love, no where to be found. I started on my collage projects. Then hours later, my dairy reviewing. Still, my patience ran thin and out entirely as the sun began falling from the top of the world.

Leaving the library I set off, by bus, to the bar. This time, getting off at the right entrance in the snow melting gravel parking lot. From there I went on. Again those sickly, everywhere I went. Must be a cold or something, though. So many at once, something was defiantly up, regardless of those spitting up blood. Now that I'm writing in this, in any case. Into the bar I went. Finding just as many sick from the bus, figured as much. Most people got off the bus with me. Though, I sat down at one of the tables against the wall. One of the usual spots Brourge always found me at. Awaiting a person who never came.

It must of only been minutes, yet felt like several hours. My heart pounded out such a sad song finally I went over to the bartender. Serving drinks to a few customers, finally getting hold of him. Asked about Brourge. His whereabouts were unknown, such a sigh I muttered. For some reason I took a look at this man. Something was hidden, not sure, my sense knew it. Blond, an odd faded out scar both eyes. Yeah, from one socket to next. A faded scar, yet his vision and eyes themselves were pretty and shined in the spared lighting. Nothing wrong, but what was being hidden. Shaking off the idea, I walked away and

Moved out into the cold snow blown weather. Waiting at the bus stop in front of the bar, with others. Smokers and coughers. That damn flu better be gone soon enough, perhaps I was just out of it. Or perhaps my period coming today may be reasonable enough. Angry and impatient, described me today.

Seeing it was sundown, I wanted to just go home. Skip the exercise station for today, the week would hold more then enough time to forgive Brourge for such a wasted chase. Then the bus came huffing and puffing along, we all got aboard. Taking an empty seat, looking out the window. I just sat, waiting to be home again, end this nightmarish weekend. Watching the mounds of snowing rushing by the window, trying and competed blanking my mind out of everything. Then Brourge back into the scene, that he left me alone and ditched me again. Coming to a stop near the Power Plant, I sort of leaned forward and back into my seat slightly. Nothing much bothered me though, just trying to remain cool.

A person asked if they could sit next to me, I looked up at the stranger. Never saw them before, I answered with a yes of course. However they pointed downward at something. Considering I had both my purse and backpack near my feet I was surprised to find something was placed next to me. I picked it up, allowing the person to sit down and I had been shaped into a state of confusion. The object seemed it would have weighed a ton, with such a metal covering. Yet it didn't nor did it feel or smell like metal. Things just got weirder and weirder.

I searched around for someone or anyone to be rushing back and retrieve such an object, yet the bus only continued to roll on. Then reflected the object off the light from the city street lamps, it turned out to be a stuffed animal. Yet used with a metal cotton, that felt warm to the touch and as that of smooth scales. There was something in its month, so I picked the paper out, the mouth itself opened which was beyond cool. It sort of freaked me out at first though. Unfolding the paper I read a note, which was addressed to me.

"Dear my young one, what I am is something which your familiar with. Were you not given a toy or model of yourself in the beginning. Think about it. I will always love you no matter what. When we meet again, or when we should have another session, there will be something even more special waiting for you, as I know you've been so lonely most of the weeks"

There had also been three slashes or tears through the papers corner. Regardless I knew who this from, my lover of course, he is the only person who knows about our sessions, and the only one who uses this type of metal material in objects. The stuff animal changed shapes when I looked at it again, sitting in my lap, it was something as that of an blob type of thing with little arms hanging from the bottom or underside of it. I curiously looked at it and smiled that Brourge had been thinking of me in such manner to create this wonderful gift. Realizing I was gaining attention I stopped playing with it and waited until I got home and placed it next to the metal model of myself on my shelf.

Again my family barley took notice of my late arrival home. Again, not that surprised either...

Though today ended with such an ending, never saw it coming. Before going to sleep, I'll be asking forgiveness for such horrible thoughts towards Brourge.

January 19th, 137UH

What a confusing morning, the week was hellish with that internal spike expansion. Damn, times of the month are indeed, just fucking shouldn't happen. Though, Brourge guided me through with a smile. At least such a grin, that I was fond of. Jenny and I spoke more and more of Brourge, she's been impatient as me. Wanting to meet him, more then anything else. Its all we've been talking about during the week. At the collage and on those buses. Once again, that flu, damn flu. Everyone must be sickly. I swear, even our teacher was coughing a lung.

Rereading my diary, I found that I have been a bit hard on my love, who isn't busy in life. Sure he might be pissing me off, when already I'd be infuriated. He has to be the one, I know it, must believe. For no one else is here for me. If I lose him, it'll be chaotic and just plain something that'll never occur. Giving up is not an option. He'll be here, or I'll find him. I love him....

However, today, waiting at the library, bar, , exercise station, walking the streets. Everyone but Brourge was around. Trying to bind my time. Hoping someone would arrive, distracting myself from such trouble as this. Being completely alone that is. Abandoned, perhaps being used, he was or might be another asshole man. Its not entirely impossible, has my love or savor ever really say who and what he was? No, is the simple answer. My overactive imagination, jumping to conclusions of both desperate hope desire. In reality, I'm just fine with that. Considering my hallucinations have been quite consistent in comparison to when I was beginning in such a marvelous awakening. Can't say anything beyond seeing a few things in the air, no changes. Not anything that was clearly visible.

Once again, before my mind goes off topic. At that bar of Brourge's or as he calls it his own. I asked the man, that very same bartender from before. The blond one with such a quite distinctive scar over those eyes of his. He informed me, after asking for Brourge, he wasn't there. With refusing to tell me where he was, I walked away with such disappointment. Then I was stopped by that very bartender, he asked me something. Regarding myself being so pale for an asian. What are you suppose to reply with for a question that involves a particular topic that you, yourself, have no idea about in the first place. I sort of stalled into utterly staring into space before me. Finally moving, only a lazy simple excuse came piling out. If I recall, which I would rather not of, perhaps not being outside in the sun enough. My education and exsecretary job at the Sperack Island's Military Base for a high ranked solider. Though I never mentioned any of that to him. I walked out of the bar, through the doors of the two story tall building. When someone called my name from within. Looking around, in a sudden hopeful panic.

Urgently seeking out Brourge, walking back into the bar, holding onto the door while doing so. There was that blond scared face bartender. He was waving me over and calling me by my fist name. Such a surprise this happened to be. Cautiously I walked back to the bar, hearing the coughing folks in the background and the music of alcohol a flowing. The bartender waling into the back room from his usual post. Coming back out with a small white paper bag with a label upon it. 'From Brourge'

Taking the bag from the bartender, I thanked him as he stated. Almost forgot to hand it off to the women as requested. Of course he stated that my man had ordered such a thing, silly even asking such an obvious thing. From here I walked out to the bus stop, and by a pleasant timing. A bus came roaring up in the dark cold night air. Getting on and finding most of the seats taken, I decided to sit next to a older women. Though fearful of being yelled at for something the Island Community felt was necessary for me to hear. Such a fabulously cheerful smiled stuck on me. Ever since receiving the white bag from the bartender. Indeed a surprise, even grander to know Brourge had such kindness in taking the time for me. Nearly makes all his rudeness of the past disappear.

Anticipation, anticipation, thought too many people were around to take a peek inside. Oh, no, had to painfully wait till safely in my hideaway from the Island Community grunts eyes and ears. Getting off the bus, my mind could only continuously boggle the urge not to rid it apart and peer into Brourge's gifted mind. Passing by my family, who were spread around the house. Still no care for me came into their voices, only a welcome home echoed in mimicking sequences. Yet, getting comfortably into my room without any hassle arising. Locking my door and tossing both my purse aside, taking a seat at my desk looking out a smaller window near my bed. Placing the small white paper bag in front of me, upon the desk itself.

In seconds I torn the stapled top open, in full, and reached inside with my left hand. To my surprise, I found two items. A smaller bag of tinier objects, a small paperback book, and then one envelope. Feeling them inside, I carefully poured such contents onto the desk before me. As suspected it was a bank normal letter sized envelope. I had to stop the thick book from crushing the smaller clear bag of tiny seeds. Looking further into these items before me, the seeds were labeled 'Tusk Tulip' and book's cover read 'Forgotten History' then letter. Which such a letter inside the envelope read the following message to me. From Brourge, obvious of course, suggesting a mail messages exchanged to one another in order to keep regular contact up. Considering the lack of appearances from himself at our secluded meetings. Apologizing as well in the letter and even included a list of procedures to ensure security if I indeed accepted the exchange that was mentioned. As for the book, the first page and further on had Brourge's hand writing on all of them. Which meant he took that time of his, doing this for me, my heart melted. Its contents also seemed fascinating as well.

Well overall, I was vibrant with such joyfulness, for such thought put towards me. Thoughtful of him and appreciated it had been. I accepted, though not tonight. Surely Brourge was the main thing in my life at this point and time. Having no other choice, no need to write a corresponding letter and read the instructions. Missing something or writing a problematic letter, all due to my tired sleep urging self. Causing unnecessary trouble in the end. At least now, I have something to look forward in the days to come. When he ditches me. As for the flowers with the book and letter atop, were all palced on my self near the model and jellyfish from Brourge. Kneeling there looking up at them and staring into such another world, thinking of my love as those gifts. I feel this alone will heighten my sprits when in doubt, excelling to such excitement and calming beyond reason.

Almost forgot adding, Brourge might be here on the island or visible tomorrow. Oh, can't wait, can't wait at all. I hope he's there...

January 20, 137UH

Getting up in the morning, waking up too peering upon my shelf. Onto those wondrous gifts from the mind of Brourge and to my beating heart within. Though I could barely see through my squinting eyes, getting out of bed. I went about my morning routines. Showering, food, clothing, I guess some small family chatter. As for my mood, doubtful and hopeful in an appearance by my loving man. Felt going tight and green yet free. Even if tight clothing was required in school and at my working station. Speaking of which, such hate came when thinking of those bastards firing me like that, or they called it a dismissal for suspected criminal activities. Related and resulted from this whole Iron Moth guide situation. Though I don't blame, entirely my lover, he was doing what he felt was right. Perhaps that sense of mine, came to an understanding of the situation at hand.

A dark green colored skirt with red thin stripes that spiraled downwards from the top and reached all the way down to such tippy bottom. Quite tight around the waist and thighs though stretchy, below the knee cap and above the calf it waved about. That thin yet silky material that covered such a skirt. Fabulous feeling upon my skin, every time it waved back and forth as I walked. A light green jacket fitted with such a fluffy inner coating, snug fit around my being. No bra or panties for today, wanted to feel tightened yet free this day. Combined with two tight thick fuzzy ,dark and light green vertically striped, socks pulled up to my knees. As for the shoe ware, couldn't find anything green so I chose a dark blue thick two inch high heeled boots. Yet, only reaching a few centimeters above my ankle over those socks. Along with an enclosed top.

Feeling so able, taking my purse with few belongings, I was planning a small exploration of the island. Just enjoying the weather and natural side of life. Being forced into school and how too be dressed in such a confined manner seemed as if suffocating me in the worst way possible. So, I believe many call it getting some fresh air. Smiling along, I took the bus over to the bar, first thing this morning. Perhaps I might surprise Brourge or catch him in the least and get an understanding of this troubled business of ours. I have trouble with it, but who wouldn't, regardless of the whole guide aspect.

Day dreaming and thinking about what to say when I saw Brourge again, if I happened to. Finally the bus came to a screeching halt, grabbing my purse. Walking down the steps onto the small path with snow piled up every which way around us basically. As for the few people a head of me, they went up to the bar, moving around two parked cars. I stayed behind, zippering my green jacket as the wind whipped. Hearing the bus pull away, following its movements upon the road with these eyes. My name was spoken out aloud. Yet the engines of the bus had muffled the sound so I thought it had to have been an overactive imagination sort of moment. Which I would highly not put pass myself, in this state, longing for some time and affection. Walking forward and towards the bar over the gravel scattered parking lot. Which no ice patches were around, seemed the owners of the bar took care of the place. Within moments, rushing footsteps were heard come up behind me. When turning in seeking the one responsible, only a hand could be seen and suddenly felt.

My situation changed in seconds, with my mouth covered and body restrained at the wrists. Muffling could only suffice in my effort to get away or loose. The person who held me was beyond strong, tactical, and most of all cleaver. He spoke into my ear, whispering a threat of being his captive. However, in that moment, his hands felt familiar and that voice echoed within. Brourge, I shouted out of his grappling hand over me. Soon, I halted any form of resistance in realizing who this was. As if I doing anything in the first place to ensure an escape. Eventually he asked if the kidnapping should continue onward, to such a spectacular ending. As his hand was removed from my mouth I went to turn around. With the notice of his hands grasp still appending such movement. When asking to be released as to be allowed to greeting one another properly. He grabbed my hear and with pulling my head back a ways, our lips locked. Separating, we came together again and penetrated into each other's mouths. He balanced my weight, as to not fall over or be too uncomfortable. Minutes must of pasted, we held our positions, himself taking hold of what he desired. These assists on top, over my chest, maybe could be considered the chest. Though I wasn't entirely sure when, his grasp lifted and I was free to move about.

As I stood up again, straightening my back slightly, with a few stretched crackings occurring. Though, to look upon him, must be impossible. Couldn't get even a glimpse of that signature. A developed mustache, deep hourglass shaped scar, clean pale skin, and that tattered fur trimmed wool coat. Nope, being bent over I had a tremendous pressure placed upon my backside. Soon I was told to move along and giddy up, as that of a some animal. I wasn't really upset, considering who it was, any affection or game was indeed potent for me. So, wobbling along, I carried Brourge upon my backside. Though, a killing on my feel, the heels were not the greatest thing in the world to have been wearing such a time. Making notice that I was in a bit of pain, I moved onward. Yet diagonally I moved and nothing straight about this situation. In time, with myself holding onto his legs we both tumbled into the one of the large snow piles that had been shoveled aside in the parking lot. Followed by giggled and laugher between each other. I would have to assume, myself being lonely or unset for not seeing such a magnificent man. He has had the exact same feelings over this whole missing in action situation.

As the snow seemed to continue dripping upon us, we sat and stared into the other. He thanked me for the lift as I was huffing before him I waved my hand back and forth. Asking me if I did enjoy being a follower, nodding, with the reply as long himself holds the leader role. Then a question, that I didn't fully understand came up into the air, which I too went not long afterwards. His question was himself giving me a lift in retune for the hospitality. Before anything could come to mind. Those feet and legs of Brourge's warped around me in seconds. Telling me all the while to just relax, which I honestly couldn't. Soon, I was looking down upon him as he ran with his hands over the gravel. Nearing the overhang of the bar. That wooden plank formed porch, as I dangled unbelievably in the air, balancing in his leg stiffened hold. The music inside came pouring out from the swinging entrance door. Dropping me onto the ground, oddly landing on my butt, his own little flip landed him upon his feet again. His hand was lowered to me, I had such an evil idea to just pull him onto the ground besides myself.

Yet those eyes looking down into mine, not just at this skin, accepting. I was pulled up and he literally patted my ass down for me. Forgetting I wore nothing underneath this skirt, scared me. Never did a thought pass about being seen exposed while in Brourge's hold. Blushing slightly, I was about to say something when his hands danced their way over that particular lower side. He noted, what a pleasant surprise that was. Though I found my hand shivering in fear, I'm dumfounded in why that even occurred. If he, my man of men, found out that this day I wanted to feel a bit more free then usual. So what, or this what I'm telling myself. Not sure then or now, perhaps being seen as inferior or ungrateful in his eyes. That might have been the reason for such sudden fearfulness. Never the less we went into the bar, I commented on such handy leg maneuvers. Though, now that I think about it, his ears must have been deaf at that point. Being carried in his arms, walking together, my eyes literally shut in utterly pure happiness of us once again. I found, opening my eyes, we were in the back room of the bar. Supplies storage, freezer room, games, and a staircase for living quarters. At least that's what I assumed them all to be, not in the exact location we were, yet scatted about from this very room.

Shelf's stocked of items as with crates and bags, everywhere one looked. While I was in the busy nature of sightseeing. Brourge was planning something quite marvelous, he laid down a blanket over a few bags of photos or some sort of food. Of course we were in one of the corners in the far back, in case anyone came in, we wouldn't be seen very easily as it was quite dark in that shadowed area. Considered he also turned off the lights by a simple flicking of a switch. We were nearly invisible to all and any who came along, which someone was bound to eventually. All of that came to mind later on, at the urgent time, he was dragging me along into this maze. Darkness was all I could see and feel. Then such a twirling wetness into my mouth, our tongues danced as one. Suddenly, being thrown down upon the floor. His hand holding me while our tongues danced. Soon following that pattern, cloths of mine were unraveled as his own.

A stone fish, I tired to grasp hold o him, yet that's what truly defined me that moment. Brourge was so fluent, beyond belief he could actually see me. In the least know what his caresses were fondling. Overwhelmed I had been, even recalling all what happened. So fresh in my mind, dreamy even, satisfying without a doubt. As that stone fish, I stayed where I was at. Becoming a mere plaything. With my jacket unzipped and thrown elsewhere. Bra unhooked, and breasts erected, his hardened member burgled at my thigh. The heat alone was immense, just as his movements taking hold around my waist. The very wetting thought that evoked myself to spread my legs around his being. I wanted him inside my being, fulfilling these urges completely. I am ashamed, not at him, at myself for such a thought to have overtaken not only those past actions. Since he was atop, I went to wrap my arms around him, feeling so mighty in my hopes being satisfied.

Brourge became rough and held me down, full force. Slamming downward upon the blanketed bags of food below us. His voice whispering to me, telling saying, hide myself or die. With those words, I found the mood had come and gone. Though, having that scared and hair covered chest against my own, riveting. Suppose part of me wanted the mood to continue, saying it was only just a passing fellow for some supplies. Unfortunately the reality was soon realized.

That slender heat from his body against my own, vanished just as it arrived. No kiss, no nothing, not even a far well, only the cold shadow and boots trampling along. Wrapping myself in the blanket below as I saw many, police officers enter into the back room with me. Not sure where Brourge had gone. Though I know he'd already left. They followed him, I swear one of them saw me. Didn't turn on the light, yet they saw me in the dark. Then Just kept moving along with their guns held out, even stating that a male must of gone this way or that way. It bothered me, greatly, were they looking for my love. However they continued to announce, again and again, they were only searching for ID verification information. What exactly was happening?

So much worry overcame me, when the marching boots seemed far enough away. I quickly turned on the lights. Finding my things, redressed, I left out the way I came in. Behind the bartenders backroom door, entering back into the public area. Sweat overcame me in buckets, such worry for both Brourge and myself. Though perhaps not shown upon my skin, within. Such a heart pounded with haste. My sense told me something was wrong and near. Then it came, that dagger, flashing for minutes as I calmly walked out the front door. Leaving the bar without a trace, without having to look into the face of anyone. How annoying that dagger had been, though it reminded me of a star in the sky. Or at least stories of stars, travelers following them as if navigationally upon those wondrous seas. With my belongs I stepped further into the parking lot.

As the dagger dissipated, I guess, now would be a perfect time to note. I've been witnessing flashes of this dagger, the very same. Again and again, yet in such a low amount of appearances and it was there as if a day dream occurring. Decided not to even write about it, guess till now. That not so clear object of my awakening, becoming more and more vivid. As if real, though I know and have been told its only hallucinations. Yet, my man, might of told me this, and knows more then I ever could. That book might be only evidence after the whole mystical awakening aspect.

Though, back in the parking lot. My mind continued its busy self in finding the reason why this happened. Brourge, cops again, just showing up. Not a coincidence in the least. Him running and acting all out of shape, guns trained, surrounding the area for a simple ID checkup. Bullshit!

Paranoid, no something was happening and maybe a planned out conspiracy perhaps. But why, with constant thought and overall being taken by such curiosity. Nearly reaching the bus stop, a gloved hand suddenly plotted upon on my left shoulder. Jumping in fear while I was turning around, a shutter in my voice sounded as I became stone again. The person before, was unlike anything I've seen or encountered before. My eyes took him in, every bit of him. As he seemed just as surprised if not startled.

This stranger before me seemed to be a police type or in the least a detective. As he carried a holstered gun on his belt. Its handle stuck out from under his gray unbuttoned trench coat. Seemed higher then taller 5 feet, about 300lb in body weight and pudgy shaped portions. Late twenties perhaps, yet skinny ears that poked outwards and heavily pierced. Small head, wax shined bald, a single thick dark haired beard about 5 inches long hung down from his chin. Still I couldn't tell what nationally he was, perhaps something like myself as skin goes. His eyes were spread decently upon his face, those eye lids were like my own, pointed inwards. Was he Asian? I both thought that and still do, while looking in the mirror at myself.

He asked for my ID, reaching into my purse, handed him the information. Though my hands were nervously num, thus took some time to grab hold of such information. The papers he desired from me. He checked it from a small handheld device, that was pulled from his trench coat pocket. Asking my name, and confirming that bit of information. That device was placed back into his pocket. I unconsciously felt like just causally asking for his own name. I had nothing against police, just the Island Community itself. He wasn't treating me yet, so I stayed alert. Then laugher, he began chuckling out loud into afternoon sunny sky. I was embarrassed from some reason, feeling my entire body turn red.

Must admit, this chuckle seemed to calm me, as I breathed deeply this moment. He handed me the paperwork back. I took them they retuned to my purse, slowly my being cooled off. Calling me babe, he noted in proper introductions should bloom between us. His name, that muttered proudly as he spoke, was Adam Peckerson. I repeated my name and he laughed again, though wasn't sure what or why he was laughing anymore. Perhaps just a chuckle sort of guy, it defiantly relaxed me from the usual stuck up people that lived around here. Speaking of which, I've never seen him on Sperack before. Though such worry drifted away, my sense pointed towards a friendly. That was that, no worries I guess.

Adam included some information about himself, stating being a private detective was harsh these days. Having to fly everywhere and never having a real home or single sitting. I nodded, then he mimicked such a nod, smiling as he did. Halting that nod of mine, I gave him a strange look and his smile drafted that away just the same. Stating that finding those like myself in these sport of sections of the world was a bit odd. In a good way, he noted, saying felt a bit more homely. Then his eye winked at me, calling me a babe a final time, before leaving towards the bar. Leaning up against one of the wooden pillars that held the overhang.

I myself board the buss, shoving off down the road to home. However, I watched his every move I could. Then the sorting of all that occurred began on the ride following walk home. Yeah, even while this is being written, no breaks in the least. Only thought after linking complex thought.

Despite how I feel, for Brourge, in reality I didn't know anything about him. Where he lived, his family, age, business or workplace besides the bar, profession. Considering there were armed police after him as with more heat. It became an event that needed a private detective getting involved, they find people. Why were they after Brourge. Only an assumption of course, but why would he run if he indeed wasn't guilty of something mysterious. Then of course, the fact of who was after him, had been even more troublesome to figure out. Which I have no clue, I guess this might be jumping the gun. Just, he has to tell me, I can't stand here worrying about him. Helpless and defenseless in this whole situation. Retracig my words as with thoughts, I found that I was also blaming this coughing and overall sickness. Why? Though it never came up at the meetings on Tuesdays or conversations I heard between people. Yet I know for a fact that its like a plague or something. More and more people have started to just up and disappear, not normal at all. Again, why?

Getting home, thought this out until the sun went out of sight and night froze over the land. I didn't pick up the book Brourge gave me and wrote, titled 'Forgotten History', nope. Instead my attention had been on that mail letter I was given by him. Thinking of what to write, because this was the last damn time I'll be tossed around as if nothing more then something waiting for him on the side. I need answers, reasons to stay, explanations to further believe in any form of patience. Writing down in that letter, that I had agreed to this only form of communication between him and myself. it's the only option I could see. Along with starting the messaging process. Questioned his profession and why he always ran away from law enforcement.

Though when finished, I did all the instructions toward me to do in order for this letter to reach him.

At night, walking about, a few people still awake and moving, near the library there was a blue box with a single slot in the side. Putting the envelope secured letter through the slot, began my walk home. Hoping to receive a reply shortly. A few days perhaps, saying to myself, that if nothing came about. If no faith could be mustered, this little relationship of ours was over. On the way home, there was something odd, a continuous jingle of many small bells. I looked about for it, yet never found the source. Shaking my head, listening to them. I marched onward in the night until reaching my home once again. Noticing those jingles went silent, I concluded these hallucinations were a bit out of control. Hope this whole awakening thing would pass by, didn't even get a time scale to hope for.

Brourge better say something of value, love grows tiresome.....

January 21, 137UH

With a usual dress and go morning, with completely red outfit today. One layer though, of some tight buckle up pants, thick an fluffy vest, long socks, fur coated cotton boots, followed by a wool cap, and a thin dark red trench coat encasing it all into one. Leaving without a meal, I boarded the bus, and sat down with an empty stomach growling some. Trying to hold it in, someone's hand overtook my own. Before I knew it, wasn't even able to quell anger or even a surprised look from exploring. His smiling scared face steaming away such feelings of negativity away. Purging them into something blooming of affectionate relaxation and comfort. We spoke while all the way from that particular bus stop to the bar. Quite the joyous ride beyond any other, to date at least. I must say more sudden surprises of this magnificence should occur more often, though at least for the time. Quite the memorable moment this'll leave as it has.

During the ride, we discussed yesterday. I nodded to everything, as he spoke. If I was alright with all that happened and had nothing to say otherwise. Felt frustrated, a damn wuss, along with being weak. Not having the courage to ask my man something of importance, not standing up for myself. In fact, standing up for us, would be more appropriate. Though it gets worse from there, Brourge knew I was lying. Somehow, he seems to always know before I'm even aware. When moods of mine, which change so as the winds. Especially when I was either upset or irritated. Never the less he always, always attempts some sort of scheme to cheer me up. Getting me out of those nasty depression sort of moods. More then effective, must admit, greater then just trying in the end.

Getting dropped off, we both headed to the silo, skipping the bar entirely. I mentioned to him, not having a breakfast, his caring repose had been. Not to worry, food was already prepared elsewhere, then that yellowish smile came about. Struck me down, such a heart beating scene. Even if the freezing winds were so consistent, moving himself over me. Blocking those very winds from icing over, anymore then already had. I tried to smile, shakily though, at his wondrous efforts. Still felt so frozen, luckily the silo came into view. Warmth, was my single most thought, besides my man. And with breakfast already made for me, this had been a reminder for me. As in the reasons why this love within grow, smoothing with his every smile and caring attentiveness.

Though even I didn't expect such a surprise as what occurred next. Suddenly tangled legs of his were around me. Next thing I knew, I had already been catapulted into the sky. Falling head first into a pile of snow. Still so shocked of not even knowing what all happened so quickly. Looking up, the silo was behind me, while sitting in the snow. Turing to my left a bit, there I saw Brourge. He was laughing away. The bastard, while I grabbed a handful of snow and throwing it at the silo. He just opened the latch, blocking my shot with the door. Before stepping inside, I got up brushing myself off. A bit colder then before, who would be surprised of getting a bit cooler when already in the frozen winds then thrown into a pile of snow. Never the less, I was quite pissed off about it, yet his laughing brought me into such a smiling and giggling frenzy. Thinking about it now, how did he both throw me such a distance and arrive at the door seconds later. Not like anyone clears or cleared the snow out, no paths were made, only sat there piling up. So we we're both trudging slowly.

Perhaps just my imagination and paranoia. Wouldn't be the first time, then again considering I'm alone. Feel that way, anyhow, it would make sense for myself jumping to such conclusions. Still, the evidence is building, mainly that sense of mine. Ringing like door bell, growing a bit more every time we met up. Any case, moved on from the wind outside the silo, into the warm inner building before me. Closing the door, latching it shut, Brourge took me there in an instant. Pinning my entire being against the wall, taking a look at the situation. I was amazed, his legs and feet held me, his hands also took hold. Forcing our lips to merge, once again our bodies entwined just the same as our tongues, I close my eyes. Seconds passed by, time and again, when I tried to move or touch him with these hands. He only chuckled at the hopeless attempts then I joined in on a chuckle or so. Majestic and gentle indeed, though in the end I was left kissing the air. He pulled again, ensuring his hold upon me. Asking me to repeat a certain phrase for him. Mainly, that I was his girl.

After some more hopeless attempts of trying to regain freedom. I said such words of embarrassing truth. He let me go as a heat wave blushed over me. The moment was divine, until he seemed to trip on the stairs a bit while calling me to join him. It was at that time and now, I still can't believe how flexible he is. Nearly unbelievable, could swear his hands are used less then those feet. Now that I recall, been that way the entire time, perhaps it was unnoticeable up to this point for something so common wouldn't be suspected. Maybe, after taking that red snow covered coat off. I trialed him, we sort of dashed into a small dance up the stairs. Until the top was reached, he flung himself backwards onto the bed and I continued to follow. Jumping into the air above him, his feet popped up as with those hands to catch me. When I suddenly was halted a few inches away from both Brourge and that mattress I was in shuttering awww.

Though he allowed me down, settling over his stomach, a leg on each side of his being. Yet, no difference made to my 'WOW' short of look and feeling. Until his fingers edged their way up from my waist, under the vest and beyond. Though his tips were chilled, suddenly their icy grasp upon my breasts was a wake up call. I tried to shake that hold of his a bit. As it warmed, slow yet surely, I slipped myself down, so our lips could touch again. This time we both equally shared a kiss, none or this force upon the unsuspecting other who just realized they were unable to move from the wall. Oh, equal ends this time, as with myself on top too. Which was just an icy plus on this delicious cake. That kiss turned even more red hot, as time when on, our clothes left us as we cuddled in the sheets of the mattress. As with the other's arms hung over the other just the same.

There we laid, in each other's arms. Held tightly, his beating heart heard over his chest into my own. Of course, as the moments passed, we spoke. About his mail being answered, I agreed that it was an excellent idea. No point in not adding this, when Brourge first spoke aloud. He used such a high voice, as if he'd been inhaling helium or something. We both giggled and laughed hysterically. As he tried to act serious and such using that voice of squealing to explain. Not sure what exactly it resembled. Damn funny though.

In such a fluttered state of mind, just being with my love. Naked, I had to try and distract myself from taking his sexual flaccid member. Getting these rolling myself, I just tried not to look at it. Such horrible thoughts, came to mind, mainly of myself not being able to control myself. How mad he would be, with an absolute whore like me. Guess that's why he started the laugh, sensing my feelings was not out of his reach. For someone so young, such experience and wisdom. Amazing it was, though his looks were off. There was time for it all to change. Even if not, his hands already held my heart.

I asked him why he wanted to speak of the letters and messaging each other through the mail. Answering in his normal voice. It was to understand that those discussions will not interfere with those of our sessions. Such as the time right here and now. Discussing something we wrote to one another would take up valuable time. Time that could be used in the sheets of the mattress or elsewhere. With a wink at me, I could only imagine what he meant by that wink. Just like that Adam character, sex. Finally sex!

Though I completely understood what was going on and why, so I agreed. Yet didn't say a word or moved in a signaling manner. Only filled with fear or nervousness at asking a question that could appear elsewhere. Still not sure why such a feeling would over take me. he is the only person and first to witlessness me in such a desirable state. So I remained silent and looked into his eyes.

Brourge sighed, commenting on that very uneasy silence I gave. Suggesting I would surprise or something along down the road. Grinning to himself, as I watched intently. Then something hit me on the head, he was grinning and I wasn't aware. Running from or preparing for the up coming event that was about to commence. It came, from his mouth, something bizarre. Excitingly bizarre, trying something new, as with everything that has been with Brourge. How has it not been new, I ask myself. Going along I waited for more of this 'new' to arrive before us.

Suddenly, he left me, our arms were disconnected. Turning towards him and asking what was happening. My hands were given many strands of rope, some small and others long. Where in the world, I didn't see anything like this on the way into the room. But there I sat, legs crossed, next to him as he laid back smilig. Then I made a mistake, allowing him to see my feelings head on. Cause has my mouth gapped open, body frozen, and just staring both at him and the object I was given. With that fucking, no clue, look plastered over me. His smile diminished and I only sat there puzzled. He asked if such a look of dismay represented my true feelings within. I wasn't fast enough to shake any of my feelings away, he wiggled around me as a snake. Warming us together, speaking in such a sweetened tone. How could I resist, just the entire suddenness blew me out of the water.

Even telling this he understood with a few nods. Laying back again, still I was confused at that point. What did this rope have to do with us playing. Of course I've been tied up before, been restrained and brought to such fulfillment I didn't want to ever leave. Sadly, then and now, my thoughts were ravaged by his questions and yet self enlightening. Asking about how I could sit there, naked, watch him naked, unclothed. When did I grow past my moral self, values, ideals crammed down my thought since I child. How did I get so immunity to intimacy, that's what he stated overall. My reply, he brought and will always bring such utter comfort in me, that I would do anything he wished if only asked. That I loved him, so dearly that no words could describe. Saying these exact words to him, he actually began to blush even unable to look in me in the eye. I recall, how foolish I was, withholding myself from him. He harbors something the others don't.

Quickly crawling over to him, kissing him on that reddened forehead of his. So adorable, beyond cuteness, I smile and chucked as I held the rope. Highly above us, allowing my leg to skim his flaccid member. Could swear it was filling up, growing, even as he hesitated to speak. Stating, again, that he and I have been on so many sensual experiences together that why so fearful. That I should trust his judgment, it was the only one of few that even I knew too trust. Nodding, with absolute procession on a point being made. Why would I doubt and restrain myself from exploring my surroundings. Why fear anything like that, especially with him.

Brourge told me, this time around, that I'll be taking the leader role in this session. As he would be follower, hearing these words, I didn't feel much of an uplift from fear overtaking me. Though I agreed to his request, wanting to both please him and myself. That I wouldn't be afraid of trying something so simple, with he. My love, why would I ever be fearful, knowing we were alone, that little sense wasn't doing nothing. As he spread his arms and legs I took the stands of rope, knotting them both to each other. Then stringing them under the mattress to both of his feet. Asking if they were too tight, wiping the sweat after each passing minute. He stated everything was fine, thus I continued my nervous wreak of a role this day.

In my head, at the time, I tried to tell myself. It'll be all right, just go with it. Enjoy yourself, then another voice came along, you're a follower. Love it, its safe, more then everlasting comfortable that fits your life. Your not a leader, all of this is only going to show you're a fool. That your not his one, only a failed attempt. Do you not realize, he is a man. Your not the first nor the last, you're a fool for thinking otherwise. Yet that wasn't sense, not sure why, but I just felt otherwise. Hoped for the best to become, believe and perhaps it'll come to pass. Taking deep breathes, closing my eyes, tying to clam down. I wanted to expand, even if something would go stray with us. At least these experiences would bring such pleasant memories. Further befitting me down the road, in fact. That was a lecture from Brourge, in case I ever felt wrong or wronged.

Opening my eyes, his face was stretched out and in my own. I frankly got spooked out of my mind, these eyes popped out, leaning back a bit more. He asked so gently if I was alright, I began to nod yet stopped. Then decided to play the role, adjusting my glasses with one final deep breath. My shaking nervous self became strong and stiff. In the more courage mustered voice I could follow, asking him, through near anger. Why he moved without being given permission. Flashing a grin upon his face, he laid back down onto the bed. Apologizing, I had to stop myself from saying anything out of character. So I only stated he wouldn't be happy if it was done again. Along with having him close his eyes from now on, no peeking. Moving around the mattress, I thought of what to do. Surely I knew he had toys to play and use, but c'mon. The last line I just emitted, I feel like speech was given to a million crowded audience. That sweat poured over my body, with every passing minute trying to act like something I wasn't. Even with his eyes closed, a feeling that he was still watching continued.

Brourge, caused me to turn towards him when he asked if he could suggest an idea for my pleasure in the mist of he disobeying. I allowed him, replying though in such a nasty tone, felt so despicable. The suggest must have been one he preferred, though was this is fantasy? To be bound, controlled, and hit with a wooden paddle. Really!

I must admit, always with he, my love. There's a bigger purpose afoot, benefiting me maybe. Most likely, though I thought this had already reached such a conclusion a bit ago.

In any case, I grabbed a small flat rounded wooden paddle from a shelf. Among other interesting and disturbing toys. Kneeling down at left side upon the mattress, holding him down with my right hand. Making sure his eyes were shut, I held tightly the left hand that paddle. Where should I hit him, this thought came streaming through me. Though even I knew were most eyes are on, when it comes to a man. That cock of his, flaccid, it was. Turning towards his closed eye face, he was just patently waiting. Didn't this or even I turn him on, even a bit. My mood switched a bit, I slammed the wooden paddle down with quite the might. Slapping his stomach. With a large flap noise, he rose slightly. It must of really stung. So I continued, again and again, each time telling him to lay down. Obey my commands as he moaned slightly more, with each slap from the paddle on his bare skin. Closing in on his cock, everything else around that particular hardening portion grew redder and redder.

Finally I hit that hardened member of Brourge's. It was so intense, for him. Not me though, I couldn't restrain him, he flung up in the air from the mattress. Moaning, wiggling his body as if a snake on the run. Never opening his eyes, and now I knew why those restraints held him down. The sight of him in pleasure was not the problem, it was that fact. He was getting off on me hurting him, it disgusted me. Was so disturbing, I began to cry. Thinking, perhaps he was harmed because I wasn't careful, too careless. When things calmed down, I was quite out of the way. Not only physically, yet emotionally. I wasn't myself, felt dangerous, undeserving, just damn right a heartless cunt. Continuing to cry, even as I write this. The same thing applies, the exact same feelings. I broke down, he called me over in a sweet voice, I hugged him as he tried me.

Such a tender caring voice bestowed upon me from my love. It was the greatest feeling, to be cared for by another, something I feel I might of broken. Even after he told me, that what had been done while myself as leader was beyond great. Though his words fell on these scared deaf ears. No matter the charm in his words. I only coward in a corner mentally. Grabbing him tighter and tighter, with each moment. The one thing I love about him, and never ceases to amaze me. That ability to turn situations around, asking me if he could open his eyes now. We giggled as I whispered yes. My eyes were closed too, so I had no idea what was going on. Yet his hands began to touch me, hold me with such caresses over my being. Soon my tears dried up, and we continued onward.

Soon he was atop of me, holding me down with such strength. I was already growing so wet below, just thinking of him taking me. Sexually, finally, just that thought alone. Lead me to orgasm before anything happened. Many more came after, yet, with no surprise. There was no sex in the least, only positions, toys, thrusts, mild sensations, and fingers. Just knowing I'm to be his first and he mine, led me to forgive him. Too wait patiently.

Now, that its long gone and over with. How the fuck did he untie himself? I mean that was damn near tight, was there a knife or something I missed, possibly. I feel not however, both my sense and logical reasoning's say otherwise. Brourge might be hiding something, he might actually be a savoir from the Iron Moth after all. Such a wonder thought and wish if it could be.

Once again, upon that mattress, we spoke, while cleaning each other up. As I wiped with a cloth his juices he did the same for mine. Both of us enjoyed such intimacy, sparking a light. Though during this time, we had quite the wondrous chat. It involved sex, why he didn't fulfill my wishes. Those urges that struggled through painful when never satisfied only teased. He knew exact how I felt, what troubled me every time intimacy ended up in dissatisfaction. That a man didn't need to be a man by having sex, that was just bullshit thrown around to gain superiority between the bullies and younglings. Foolish persons that quite harbor enough value and achievements in their lives to feel like they were somebody. So they just came up with a way to induce self fulfilling courage into themselves.

I asked Brourge what that in anyway had to do with sex. He of course continued as we clothed ourselves. Saying such things, that it was envy, these bullies and fools wanted something back they couldn't get. Thus, they wanted all those around them to feel the same way. Regret, why else would they have to hear others opinions about them. Why would they have to fill their heads with nonsense about being superior for performing natures natural cause at such an early age in life. That, he continued, there is nothing pure about sex itself. The earlier it is learned, the greater the chance a child will learn how to control their urges. Instead of following instinct when in that particular situation with someone who knows what their talking about. Who usually plans on using that persons inexperienced mind and naive self to fulfill their wishes. That tell the tale of sex as if its great or pure, as in to control their partner. Or say the act of sex is wicked, to again control their partner's actions. Not what sex is.

Of course I persuade his reasoning's, how could I not. For instance, many were so inadequate in self value, that fully trusting their partners was merely a dream. Thus they tried to ensure strict rules were followed. Not trust really if at all, closed mindedness, or any real freedom. Only misinformation and deceit, but, sadly this worked against them. Most would lose the one they tried to keep. Practicing manners that were ineffective, just people were too different to know exactly what they would do. Some its what they need, however most don't. I didn't realize, that every time sex or an orgasm occurred a chemical in my brain would act as an bonding agent towards whatever was in my mind. At that time, that brought me to orgasm. That was beyond anything I ever learned, apparently one of those little secrets most don't want others to know about. Something that's never warned to happen, only it time, a women might learn on their own. A pattern, a realization of what their doing.

Asking him again, what this had to do with sex. He explained further, that did I want him. Of course I answered with absolutely. Though he also mentioned, how much did I trust him, most guys don't say such things or know that sort of information. Which supposedly is not something they tell their female partners about when having sex. Just waiting until a time to stop trying all together. Knowing the women is theirs, for the most part. Unfortunately, I had nothing to compare that with, yet I trusted Brourge with my life. So hearing that, alone, soothed my heart. Asking did I want to continue forward, knowing I would only bond more so and even more as time went on. Eventually bringing myself onto him, his cock into my being, becoming his forever. To be locked in, heart and soul, though even he admitted it didn't have to be eternity. If you wanted something, all I had to do was ask. As if, needing anything else. Brourge was more then enough.

So, at the end of this little lovely lecture of his. Sinking into me as it was, he asked if I could wait. Prove my patience and self control over those urges. Wait until the time came when an experience beyond compare could be reaped by them both. With a sweetened kiss, we walked out the silo latch door. I answered, yes. Though now at home, I must also say, what the fuck was I thinking!! Orgasming three times wasn't enough!!!

Then we continued out to the bar from the silo, talking still. It was nicer out, no cold blowing winds. Brourge continued to speak his mind. Talking about how technology is both brilliant and yet frightening. Such as the bus system that the whole Sperack Island Community uses as does humanity over the world. That the drivers have a map of sections that pick up on your cell phones or handheld devices and move in for a pick up. Sometimes regardless of a bus stop or not. If your waiting by the roads, they'll come. Until he finished I didn't quite get where this conversation was going. Then, the fighting portion came out. That there would have to be satellite in space that could see where you are, every second of every day. Oddly enough that was a crude awakening for me, I couldn't believe it. Never knew that was the case. Looking up at the sky, then back down again. WOW!

Reaching the bus stop in front of the bar. Brourge left me with a farewell kiss and charming words of his mysterious self. Then the bus came afterwards, nearly slit second in between. Had to jog as few people were there and I was in no mood to just wait around alone in the night for another. Then I noticed something, apparently Brourge must be really opening my eyes. It was an companies advertisement, which I repeatedly see through the city when I later began to take notice in looking for them. It was the Sheen Que Corperation's logo. Along the entire length of the buss's side. That symbol of an 'E' back to back and both had their lines pointed downwards. And a quote written, "Exceeding Excellence Everywhere", whatever that meant. Yeah, they were everywhere, on building, benches, playgrounds, posters, billboards, etc.

Why did I suddenly notice. All well, though the night got a bit colder. Some asshole, seemed to feel I was his type. Still without a confirmed partner, he had the bus ride to my stop in order to have me sign the papers for a marriage. It was law, that a man and a women had to be wed. Sadly, that's why my older sister had a drunk on hand. Or was it she made her partner into a drunk, whichever. All the same, he tried caressing me, Squishing me up against the glass of the seat, teasing me, calling me names and threatening me. The entire ride, after I noticed the SQC's advertisements. Had to deal with this bastard the entire home.

Not even sure of his damn name, but persistent, he most definitely was. Though we neared my stop, people were there about to board so I gave in. Asking for a pen to sign the document of marriage. By the way, since I was still and outcast no one helped me. But taking action against him would of caused all others. The packed bus load to take me down as a violent conspirator. Or whatever charges that would of come up with. Sucks being a women sometimes. Oh, how I wished for Brourge, yet he didn't show.

As the bus came to a stop and he searched his pockets for a pen. Yeah, the asshole was both a fool and unorganized, lucky for me. When he got up to ask for someone who had a pen, I elbowed him in the balls. For a lack of words, then got up myself and quickly off the bus. Walking away hastily down the street. Not looking back. I didn't hear much of someone coming after me, which I certainly thought they would. That was a close call. Then a loud voice called out to me, saying that the Island Community leaders soon will hear of my treachery. That a cunt like will pay for such disrespect, blah blah blah. I didn't dare look back, though that man's words echoed in my mind all night. Even now.

As fear did ravish me this night, I feel so much has come to pass. Growth in such a short time that the years of my life have wasted before meeting Brourge. I know he's not of this world, at least the one I used to and still reside. My sense tells me I shouldn't worry so much, that he will protect his interests to the bitter end. Which involves myself.....I'm safe, my love is here.

January 26, 137UH

During the week, nothing happened, no one noticed me as usual. That bastard who wanted to wed, was no where to be found, as I expected. The Iron Moth seemed to be watching me here and beyond. Same old week, exercises, Military Academy, Exercise Station, and Brourge shinning so brightly in mind as with that mysterious cave. Except for the unexpected ability to use the bathroom at the Military Academy. Had to wait all day. Such discomfort, damn switch moments. What causes them I wonder?

Then also during the week, I saw the Iron Moth statute act up. Then someone being beheaded by one within a crowd. Seems someone had been judged fairly. Not sure when their going to throw me under there for judgment. Sure, their fearful I'll be cleared and forced to be nice again. Fucking bastards, still didn't stop me from observing the Iron Moth from a street away. Praying in silence and standing from afar. And that sight, of that statute roaring into the sky from within its maze carved body self. Truly a god, marvelous to know and witness something of such magnitude found us worthy enough to embrace all of humanity. With a hand of judgment and wisdom harboring wings.

There was a moment of depression, reaching Friday. After the switch moment that day, about the bathroom. Just recalled. I went to the library, and looked into the missing persons archive. Actually do this a lot of times when such sadness would sweep me. More often before then now, but not seeing Brourge and all. Shameful about it, yet still. I look up those who are or were worst off then myself. Surely there were all sorts of disappearances, killings, starvations, and crimes against not only the island community but the Iron Moth. Mainly the Pnethafealenilersougen family took my interest over the rest. The only known child to have lived of this families massacre 20 years ago, is still missing to this day. Regardless of the outcome, the child, what would it have been like for him, I always pondered in this desperate time. How hard and stressful would have been to start anew and find such courage to try and survive alone. What hardships he had to bare, compared to mine, surely the times are different. Though from what Brouge had written about. That child would have had to survive in the darkest times of humanity. When everything was in chaos, flames still burning.

Our session this time around found us on the outskirts of the island. Luckily the weather was calm and the snow settling into melting puddles. I believe somewhere in between the power plant and bar or fields. Though the hill scattered terrain hide most of the power plant, those the large towering smoke stacks popped up in the white blind out sky. At least only mere shadows of those monstrous things peered through. It didn't interfere much with the surroundings of such elegance. As for the while walk to this spot, isolated and alone form the crowds of nosy pests. Brourge and I shared such talkative moments of possibilities to come and to pass in the future. Though what I recalled the most had been that once near the beach. Overlooking the sea, he shoved me forward.

I turned around to give him a nasty stare, after of course trying to just maintain my balance and ensure I didn't fall into the snow covered mud slop piles. Yet to my surprise his eyes and pose seemed to be a similar ready position for something intense. A familiar situation that I longed for was coming, again. Then he shouted from he me to run, time for a chase. Well, what to do in this situation, run like the wind. And I did, again being luck on my side. Boots, tight ones at that, snug to the fit. Gave me a boast in speed. Feeling like the winds passing by, skipping along the piled mounds upon the snow mixed covered beach. Of course those subtle few steps in the snow from behind and a roar in the calm air. Brourge had captured me, tackling me to the ground from behind. I struggled as he took what he defied. Laying down his large rugged wool coat for me to lay upon. As he molested my being, pulling apart, feeling so exposed with such high calibers reached. His caressing, dancing fingers over my flesh. All over myself his being seemed to find a way to cause me to moan into the calm winter air.

As the cold bothered me in the least, my clothes parted and not torn. Eventually I climaxed a few times, not many as before. Sure Brourge was saving a few more then things were right. Never really able to know what he's thinking. Knowing this, I don't mind him knowing me. Saves me the trouble of having to ask him or say things that are just nerve racking or tedious to say. We cuddled together upon the beach. The sea in the distance, washing upon the shores. I put on some of my clothes as he did the same, we ensured the wool coat stopped the mud and snow from reaching us. However, we ensured our upper bodies were bare. Smashing into the other as if adhesive, burning in both warm and passion. We sat there for minutes, perhaps even an hour. Talking about the week, how we were doing. Admiring the scenery, was a treasure, even more so with Brourge by my side. He actually near some history about this island that I seemed to have never heard before. Considering I got his letter and read some of that 'Forgotten History' book. I believed him more and more. Regardless of what it may have been about. Yet, for the life of me I have forgotten what that history was about that beach. Something along the lines of where a treaty was signed, who knows.

We went from talking about history and how we felt to something I wondered about. Concerning that cave of his, basically could we meet up socially with those like us. Could I make friends elsewhere, this took him awhile to answer. Sadly, I'm unsure what he flashed through that brain of his, but I'm sure his promise. The agreement that we both could be in a social gathering with those like ourselves was great. No, more then that as I hugged, stretching my arms behind myself to reach, Brourge. A look forward to sort of day and moment, to realize that we weren't alone would be wondrous. Meeting others, perhaps have more then one or two people as someone trustworthy and as a friend.

Talking of the book, I mentioned before, I had a few questions. Though nothing major. He answered them for my personal benefit. Not saying I got the book done, he indeed researched humanity and wrote a books on the subject. Since I was misinformed and chosen, it was only proper that I be formally educated. Basically what he told me too, such a smile took me as he. Both of us repositioned ourselves, securing more in tangling coverage over each other's being. Legs, arms, feet, hands, and heads. Nothing left out from the other's reach or hold. What else could I ask for, in a moment such as this, intimately bonded as within. If only this could last for such a time beyond s the hours it did. At least the feeling never did quite leave. It swirled through me again and again as the day went on.

Then the conversation, at my request and agreed by Brourge. Came to the mail that was exchanged between us. Mainly the one in the week I received from him. Detailing what I desired to know about my love. Talking in more detail about his families business of the bar and farmland around this area on the island. As with other sections of Earth on lands all across the world. Though I couldn't figure out why the cops and others would be after Brourge. Since he stated everything part of his business was legal. This was his main business as with ensuring shipments made their way around to their other locations. Along with other varied jobs. I didn't have the balls to ask anything else that would have sufficed my curiosity. Which is exactly what he asked me, if I was satisfied. Nodding, that was the end of that.

For the rest of the day we went along the beach, just in pure intimacy. Expressing love for one another, in such manners, allowing nature to be our witness such a beginning that last forever. When getting home early when the sun only just began to disappear. I read the book of Brourges, that spoke of humanities history, from the years 1850 2100. Which was ridiculous, its always been 136, where was 2000? How did it even have any relevance in this time and age. What happened, why have I never heard of such history? Why did society want to control us so much. Or those in power, influencing it, want to have everyone brained washed. If the Iron Moth rules humanity now, why would we all still be manipulated and brainwashed as they were before in the years? I don't understand this. Trying to realize if it were what it had been.

January 27th, 137UH

This night's entry was of an odd switch moment, Shaking, in hand with the very same pen I've written, carried, and continuously used for months. Why now? Why would this occur to me. All of a sudden, had to find something else to write with. Took three about four more pens of the exact same type until discovering that one I could use effectively. I believe its all in my head, just had a little different attachable pink grip near the pen's tip. As both I and Brourge have suspected, must be a mental thing. But what? No idea in the least. Perhaps through these very entries it might serve as a opening into the conclusion arriving in the future to come.

As for the day, this time around. Brourge showed up, twice in a row, a shocker actually. Surely I hoped he would be there. Yet, as expected, this was such a surprise for us today being able to meet. Of course we went along over into that silo. However before that, we had a talk after I got him from the bar. The topic, being fearful, why I still hadn't had the courage. Must admit, didn't really like him in these sort of situations. When he knew exactly what I was, how a felt, and what both I would do and deny. Guess, it was a the balance in this situation, I didn't have to say much to him. In the end, he never needs to ask or wait for an answer.

Mainly I just enjoyed grabbing a bite to eat at the bar before jumping to the silo. Got away from my family, school, community, and just everything. Every week, just seemed to strip me away a bit more of my being away. It's the fact that they were always there, as why I had to hide and condemn the real inner me. Allowing myself to die, not with Brourge. Comfort and release seem to follow him and his ways as in our intermixings. Back to what was going on, lecture wise from the high and mighty lover of mine. Brourge continued onward from not being afraid. Why or whatever reason I was fearful. Just express what might be regarded as taboo or troublesome in nature. Though not to him or no longer.

Though it was true, he continued, that he and I were merely in a relationship of sorts. The proof of the relationship was growing, a bond. Even if the time together dies out, that bond we shared and harbored together. Raising it as if a child, will stay alive regardless of our feelings or thoughts. It'll never parish, no matter the amount of deception and self destruction. Unbreakable and pure it could be, ensuring our eternal love and devotion even from afar. Just hearing his words seemed to fancy my tastes and desires more then anything. Attracting such attention in full, blushing without end. Holding him as he held his arm around my shape as we walked to the silo.

Once inside, taking off the outer layers, we kept on the essentials of shirts and pants. Continuing up the stars of metal and into the room of familiarity. That mattress upon the floor, washed and clean. Surprisingly, though it made me feel a whole lot better about doing anything more. As the heat, or heater going as always seemed to be persistent as one should. Slid my hand over the vents into the room, so toasty and refreshing. Both my noise and skin seemed won over to this place. Though that cave had so much more to offer, mysterious. Yet being ungrateful at that time would have been mocking my love and his valuable willing towards us. With such a thought I found him near the cold open window door. Leading to a balcony that wrapped all the way around the silo's upper portion. There he stood, leaning upon the balconies rail. Something on his mind, honestly it gave the chills.

As I embraced the cold and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't budge, not even noticing my presence of being there. Such worry came to mind, being a women in my late twenties. Seen this sort of pose enough times. Being one who is just entering his twenties, surely there should be a lot on his mind. Considering getting a grasp upon the real worlds movements. I know he's teaching things that I never knew even existed, only aspects of the world within myself and others. How one perceives the world, no, on second thought. Forget that, my mistake. He knows more then I ever will know, most likely. Since he has traveled the world. Seen what I could only dream. That's been captured in books that never give the real sense of how it would be, feel.

Addressing his name, while tightening that hold Brourge in my arms. As he continued to stiff in the cold morning air. Barefoot he was, underdressed for such weather. At least his attention was gained. Saying that name, the same carried by my lover, allowed to me change the direction which his thoughts were moving. Though I ruined the mood, asking if he ever wanted to be within me. Ravish my being within as he does upon the surface, through a pleasurable tedious fulfillment. It just wasn't enough, I wanted him to know as he said for me to open up. Sadly, he seemed to have become depressed even more. He came away from the chilled railing, shaking me briefly. Wiggling from my gasp, walking to the mattress and sitting down upon the edge. His eyes seemed to be staring off through the floor, as I closed the glass door and joined him.

Then his words flew, asking me what I felt that way. Why I wanted to have sex, lusting for cum to seep from within my womb, to be ravished by his hardened member. Nature's call, he suggested as I sat behind him on the mattress. The reasoning for why such desire for sex or even pregnancy. I just didn't know, honestly I don't have an utter clue. Though Brourge and I just talked, lectures, theories, and a resolution. When he decides, then I'll be allowed to have my first sexual intercourse. My first blooming pure vided ravishing fucking, then again and again until time stops. Turning dreamily lusts and sensations into those that were also only a fantasy within me. Oh, the smiles I bared at the thought of it occurring, with he.

As for the reason why, I feel so compelled to both have sex and bare children. Besides naturally inherited instant and internal programming as being a female. It was society, those who raised me. Carrying on the unconscious manipulation for desires and dreams. That only fulfilled, what they sought to have the commoner's fulfill. Surely, I should of asked what a commoner was, but I got distracted. For what happened next. For what happened after such agreement between my love and I. Concern the last mention of sex and agreement made. That lovely blooming grin into a smile upon Brourge. He asked if whipping meant anything to me.

Knowing what it is and where he was going with that particular word. I must of seemed like a complete idiot to Brourge. That explains why he chuckled slightly as my answer came out. Which, not knowing any better, I joined in the laughing fun just as he. Getting up from the mattress, he asked how much did my trust go with him. Without hesitation as he stood in front of the , while tinkering with some of the objects, shelf upon the wall. That very same place where I broke down after using the paddle. Though my excitement was raging strongly with such suspenseful pleasure to come. Sweat, of worry and nervousness from the last experience of something new. I couldn't shake any of it from my mind. Even more, shaming Brourge for trying, letting him down.

Taking a deep breath or so, I found the strength to move on, lay on the mattress comfortably. Awaiting the words and adventure we were to further advance down this morning. As he continue to tinker with the objects upon the shelf. Finally his words caught me off guard. Surprise of surprises or randomness, he asked me about pain. Though I couldn't respond, just sat there thinking and looking about the room. Unsure how to even go about such a topic, pain. But he continued to explain, we discussed more in depth of what Brourge wanted me to think about.

Firstly, that there are more then one sort of pain. Physiological and physical could be confirmed to the major forms of pain. That we should try and stay with those first and get through them before anything. He kept his back turned towards me. As I listened intently, discussing examples of what he tried to help me comprehend as a form of pleasure. Wondrous feeling to learn, but grander to learn individually from on who values you for you. Guess, this was more of a bonus scenario, more a love relationship above anything else. Back to Brourge and his lecture.

That people, have found to learn how to enjoy pain. Not fear it or loath, it even ceasing to become harmful to them. All I know, personally, and even mentioned that pain huts. So, more examples came into view. Warriors in the ancient ages of humanity, used to base strength on their ability to withstand pain. People would build their bodies up in muscle, calling it endurance. How long one last, meant how much of a person they really were. World wide games, from all over humanity used to be practiced for medals at one place of chosen destination. There was all about how long you could last. How much one could push themselves before losing their minds through their bodies. Sports were the method many tested themselves at that event, reaching that wonderfully natural high in the brain.

Its was interesting, I could understand, since being a swimmer. I found that pushing, enduring my body to the limit. Then, this pain, feeling absolutely sensational. So yeah, seeing these people in sports, causing themselves pain, would continue again the next day was logical. I asked, if enjoying pain was another manipulation set by those of society to control those below nobility. He congratulated my reading of the book he sent, that the next books should be just as great.

Continuing, it was not pain that gave the urge. That gave such a high wondrous feeling in one's being for enduring pushing beyond their limit. Such an urge, causing so many to unknowingly go and do it again. Then again, for a survival linked chemical released in the brain during that time. This turns the pain sensation felt is flipped into that addicting natural high. Its part of why people continuing doing what they do, from day to day. Willingly or forced, they find an enjoyment. Even if they don't want to admit it, its always been there in humanity. Why one survives, does not fall pray to pain stricken sensations that continue to get worse with time. Though that's why this natural pain killer chemical exists.

He turned and walked toward me and sat upon the bed. We talked face to face, I endured some of the smell. For the life of me, didn't really notice till now. Not sure why either, but what he held caught my attention a bit more. There were four leather cuffs, each of the cuffs had a strap that fit into the slits in the leather. Seems that was meant to tighten them around the limb or object. Then a small black metal ring positioned on each cuff. Yet he continued to speak, that one who enjoys pain or the chemical released pain killers was a masochist. Many have even been able to cum from pain alone, no other intimacy in the least. That last bit drove me up and beyond with excitement.

Listening even more, tedious it became. Something about sadist was the opposite of the masochist. Being that society didn't want to accept the existence of either and taught that being either of them was shameful at best. That was the same then as it is now. Noblest or commoner, never really changed in these many decades. Sad, that so many were and are unable to look at themselves in the mirror. That unable to accept and love yourself is partly why people fail in life. So, yeah I still listened, for respectful purposes. Then, the real fun began.

I was told to place those four cuffs upon both my ankles and wrists. Which I did without hesitation, he explained to me how it would work out. That after some time of the whipping I would begin feeling the chemical high. Its never occurs just because you want to. That I already have felt such a sensational experience many times. Knew how to get into the mind set, bring out the chemical without much trouble. Shouldn't be much of a problem in the end.

Taking off my shirt and other clothing's, I walked over to the wall. Putting up my hands, he took each one. With two strand of rope, tied them off each black ring on the cuffs and ensured they were through two hoops above as below me upon the wall. It was balanced, he made such that it was all secure. Cuffs were tightened to comfort and a restraint being created. Apparently, we were both to be suspected in staying quite awhile in this here position. As we were indeed, for many orgasmic and fulfilling sensations. Even now, soaking between my thighs have begun without warning. Just as this morning into the afternoon. Sweat covering nearly every inch of my body, throbbing in absolute divine pleasure. A puddle had been created below me half way through the session, proof of enjoying myself as he stated would occur. Longing for his striking whip upon my backside, ass cheeks, thighs, cunt, feet, breasts, and belly side up. Those movements I found myself displaying, in both fear and desire for another hit. Sending me further into the abyss of utter lust drenched satisfaction.

Even those subtle slaps of his hand and fingers sprung me higher. The bruises and redness seemed to be dissipating, yet a reminder of purity to remain who one is. Explore what one wishes, without much regard to consequences or be held captive by those around you forever. Dying unfilled, an unlived life, wasted and squander because of society. Yeah, we sat with one another after the whipping. Such pain and yet comfort in his arms. Again, not really sure how many times I climaxed upon that floor. Even for a small puddle, I'll say that much, so a lot I'd imagine, One after the another, hitting in swarms and then sometimes swiftly in calm strokes. What me cum more, the fact of engaging into something taboo and forbidden. Or, just because my love had been the whipping man. I assume both, yet I'll never really know which exactly got my senses to go beyond any other.

On that mattress, wiping me down and cleaning up the puddle I made. We spoke of the my feelings and such. Talking of what was alright, pleasurable, too much, ineffective. Rubbing out bodies into one. Just being there, enjoying the time together. In full honesty I never knew, such a non interactive and otherwise boring method. Too spend time with another, or bond, though not anymore. My thoughts and have changed greatly. Now I don't take for gradite what I have, no matter the amount. At least I have Brourge at my side, able to feel his arms and being. Hear his voice and wisdom spoken aloud. That shaggy, working man, style of fashion and representation has become part of fantasies with he at the center.

I've just thought of something. Did he mean for this to happen? I mean, are these disappearances of his, meant to happen. Abandoning me, has it all been a . A rouse to have myself feel this? I'm not mad, just a bit amazed something could be planned ahead to such a degree. Its possible, I highly doubt it though. Perhaps, though it seems much more logical, don't think he's lied to me yet. Or hidden anything dangerous, costing my life in the end sort of thing. So it makes sense, considering he is my savoir. Along with saying I should be open. He's most likely opened up on the basic generalities. Now, that I have it in mind, what mysterious are hiding in him?

Though on the way on, upon a delightful bus ride. Actually in the early evening. Far into the night, Had another fucking female bitch lecturing me on life and finding a partner. Saying I was a poor child. Who needs to be saved, that there was still a chance. It turns out this was the older or younger. Fuck it, she was the sister to that bastard last time. Wanting us to wed and I refused, of course. She was waiting for me on that damn bus. Throwing my purse onto the floor even, when taking the seat next to me. I just started out the window until reaching my stop, then squeezed past her. While she was threatening my life if I didn't comply. Though, kept my sanity through thoughts of more joyous bus rides. Such as when Brourge gave me those gifts. Seeds, statue of myself, statue of my favorite animal. Mainly that animal brought such light into my life.

Though I'm not a violent person and feel it never solves anything in the end. Considering she allowed me to get my purse at her snow covered boots. She began to cough heavily as I stood before her. Looking up, I noticed again. How many were still sick with that damn flu. I grinned while getting off. Even in her anger pain ravished face. Walking home, was alight. Lovely day, besides that little annoying bitch on the bus.

January 28, 137UH

Oh, the month it has been. Meeting Brourge at the bar, then moving onto the silo. After having a meal with my family. For a change, it was nice, I must admit. Though, as usual, first one to leave the house as normal. I brought my diary as my love requested before we parted yesterday. He wanted to read how I've been progressing. Which had been the reason why this whole diary thingy occurred in the first place. To understand who and what I am, how to bring myself to further into self enlightenment and bloom under the Iron Moths savoir. Maybe becomes one of the servants for the lord in the end. That would be amazing, as with Brourge, side by side.

We ignored the mail completely, that we would leave the mail and descriptions of our familes for another time. Just clarified on what would be taking place today and from this point on. I agreed completely of being obedient to his teachings and granting him such trust beyond anything ever before. This was to be carried onto the day he felt time would pass that we I'd be alright when on my own. Then again, he has my life, its more then just an adventure. Why resist anymore, regardless of my sense perhaps saying from time to time. That something was amiss in a confused complex sort of movement. Saying he was safe and yet dangerous, swinging to the side of safe more then not.

Had to ask, why did he always question if I was alright or otherwise. Naturally, I understood his reasoning completely. It was simple, he respected me and my opinion. Never feels its right to just force someone into a situation without allowing to know a bit first. To ensure your partner knows and realizes their openness and trustworthiness is not abused in any manner. That they are valued as loved for their sacrifices through allowing their comfort zones to be entered. By partner, he meant me when referring to us as being together. Swaying my heart, in such a way, it pounded my being inside and out. Flushing such ardor feelings through imbuement of a sort that I'm still unable to recognize. Honestly, never going to be able to get used to that sort of thing. Such love of love, passion of passion, commitment of commitment, comfort of comfort.

He held onto to my dairy since we met up. Couldn't fit that particular item in my purse, only hand held carriage. We then just relaxed again, in that room. He sat upon the floor and I had been spread over the mattress. Enjoying the feel and freedom, keeping to myself. Just pondering to myself about what we were going to do next this day. Third day in a row of meeting up so closely without interruption.

He handed me my diary back in less then an hour. My eyes were shocked. He stated his reading was above the norm, read every sentence and found what he desired to learn. Smiling all the way as I, we both cuddling upon the mattress. Thus far, requested that I take less time and thoroughly write out mainly feelings and my thoughts and feelings greater depth then anything else from what he's read of this month. Naturally, I obliged to do what was requested of me, at least to try and write more. This answer of mine was more then enough to have him grant me such a smile that he was more then satisfied with the fact of myself trying.

Violence seemed to come into view. He asked if I was able to defend myself it necessary, shrugging my shoulders. Sharing that no one ever attacked me before, so in then end had no idea what was possible. So he got to his feet and pulled me up with him upon the hard floor. He knew and thought that restraining from unneeded violence was alright. However, if one still attacks you must learn how to defend yourself. Considering the Island Community was still hunting me down Most likely, might attack soon, it was their tradition to purge the unbelievers. I agreed, its been done before and will occur again. It had been a possibility I would of rather allowed to remain under the ground, never to see the light of day. Seems I was wrong to hide it for so long, luckily my savoir and guide had been there.

We faced off, through hesitant at first. How could one lover hit another? Then I recalled the whole whipping session and found it to be pleasurable in a manner. Being able to take care of myself without him huddling over me was something he wanted me to ascend too. A point in reaching, such a goal to make us both proud. Another step towards self sufficiency in protection. I had the brains, or with help, gaining them. Becoming an effusive member in my own life and those around me. Soon, I would be the one accepting their friendship and me having to dress for them. Through thirteen physical matches, he was being so easy on me. I did win two of them, and his words of inspiration carried me onward. Even it had all been about only restraining him, getting hold so he couldn't retaliate or counter. Still an accomplishment, his words suggesting such potential I have.

The rest of such wondrous moments together were spent learning techniques and talking about the book of history that Brourge sent me. Discussing self defense strategies, that violence was only how you looked at it. Sadly, society tries to manipulate all under their spell. Of thinking in full that being rough or violent, the same damn thing, was horrible. Can't believe it happened, I got sucked in. Thanks to he, I was being released from this spell of confinement of thought.

Again further getting into that book of his. Saying that the section, upon Sperack Island is placed in. Was once part of a county called Russia. Until the Government took hold.

At this point, I believe such words. Its hard to comprehend and overwrite what was taught to you since you were a child. But, it'll all work out in the end. Everything is beginning to make sense.

By way, when coming home I fell on some slippery ice upon the sidewalk. Hitting the cement, I thought it was really burn me, due to the bruises and sores from yesterday. Then it hit me, why, during out physical tussle. Didn't it burn me? Checking in the bathroom at home, I found nothing more then a few bruises. Which I believe were from today, what the fuck is going on. I shouldn't be complaining about healing so hastily. Though what does it all mean?

In the end, what a day, with surprises as if the wind. Flying without reason, yet bring such joy.

***

CHAPTER 2 FEBURARY

February 2, 137UH

Its been such a long time, but after the exams being administered by those at the Military Academy. Though, only Brourge swam through my mind, never a break or pause. The schooling flew by in an instant. So damn tedious, the only other ting that followed my mind, all day. Had been the judgment by the Sperack Island Community during the passing week. They sentenced me, I had to kneel under the Iron Moth statue. Only looking up at it in such holy magnificence, while another of the community stood over me. Being their shadow under the Iron Moth's mighty judgment, I was found not guilty in the eyes of our lord. They got me to my feet and shoved me off to the side when the Iron Moth went silent. I watched in horror, though without fear contaminating my actions. Many of their little community ensured I stayed from the rest of the crowd. Most importantly my family, which the ten Sperack Island Community leaders all took their turns yelling and throwing their own personal judgments of me into their faces.

Trying, mightily, to sway their feelings towards me as their daughter. Being a future traitor, that the Iron Moth was wrong in its vision. My older sis, shrugged it all off, thought my other family members. Younger brother, mother, and father all seemed to be submissive to their words. Yet I knew, the Iron Moth has wouldn't have me killed, for a savoir and guide of the lord. Was already here and working his mystical ways upon me. Even if I had to run away from home, so be it, as if it was a feeling of home among most of them anyhow. Speaking of which, the Speack Island Community leaders might be corrupt traitors in the end. Fearful and questioning the Iron Moth's overseeing decision. Trying their selfish trickery upon my folks, I heard and heard again. Certain words being shouted and their pointing fingers towards me. I was unpleasant in their eyes and of the Iron Moth. Corrupt, evil sprouting, that it would be a plague that'll consume all of those around me. All would have to be punished in the end. Met with their lord's perfected judgment. Then they got the nerve to say such words, again and again, into my face. Fucking bastards, being mostly men.

During the rest of the week, not a single word or behavior out of the ordinary. By those around me and actions against me. Nothing happened, though I should keep my guard up. It might seem, that the Sperack Island Community might take matters into their own hands. By means of taking blood, with my life, intermixed.

With the past events squiring through me. My loving savior saved me from execution or any outrage I would have most certainly broken into by now. If not such a being in my life's path, from which I'm destined to walk. At the Military Academy, exam time has finally come around. Testing our remembrance, easy as recalling the sites upon this island. With that mixture of both Brourge and the community taking me by force. I found my release, producing such a feeling of comfort. My best friend, Jenny, had some time. We decided to hang out after school, at her palce. Just decided to ask her, since we've never actually been able spend any time together outside of those study bond walls. Nothing but silence and work, with some words in between. A strait jacket overall. Seems society has done well in its manipulation, taking up one's time so they can't think for themselves. Or discover who they are, knowing what fields of career they would succeed and fail.

Being one of the many first done is my many classes, I sat and thought of such things. Considering the book from Brourge, that detailed the history of humanity. Stating the rich and powerful were the ones who always ruled. Regardless of the governments or businesses. In the end, only a handful of individuals have complete utter control. They even began, through a slow generation by generation, process of controlling the populations worldwide. Through new laws, money increments and shortages, changing the very way one lived in life. Of course, everything occurred in year by several year curing changes. Until eventually, things changed into a permanent normality and would continue onto the next freedom to be taken away. Everything was based on time, if one had time, they could think. It was how the military and controlling someone's mind usually worked. Heck, if my status wasn't a traitor, perhaps corrupt, I would be working very single day of my life. Without time for us, Brourge and I, which saved me I guess.

Quite amazing it all was, that another world existed just beyond a closed unlocked door. I chuckled, how many were still being controlled, still ensnared. That's the thing, isn't it. Why does it still exist, why is humanity under such a controlling vise as that I just depicted. Because the rich and powerful leaders went dormant in hiding, sold out their beliefs, had been assassinated, or lost all they had in hostile takeovers. In then end, their dead and gone or controlled puppets by the Government. The UHEG, the United Human Earth Government, as its been described in the book. Saved humanity when it fell into hell. How can one even believe that all they learned and manipulated into permanently remembering since their young days. Such as myself, just leave all that behind in an instant. Well, for a world have has both raised thee and now threatens that very same life. Oh yeah, I have a new family, a new love, a life emerging now and forever. This older life has given nothing more then indifference and hate for who and what I am.

Did I just write, 'what', I am? Curious that little word might have been. Perhaps just a slip, yet my sense says otherwise. Still, on topic, how could the UHEG still be using the same tactics as those destroyed? Why would they control humanity in the same way that the enemy of the UHEG had? I don't really understand that, how is that saving humanity from destruction. Keeping it locked in a box? Perhaps one day I'll find out, sure Brourge will have the answers. Such a mystery, and headache. Never has my head spun this out of whack.

Jenny, my dearest friend, seemed to have the usual. Clothes fitting to the tightest of tight upon her thin sculpted body. Her braded hair, shinning and brown in the sun's gaze, followed us as we walked. My skin's paleness really glowed when comparing to her own. Our height was also a minor difference, for at least she was a bit shorter then I. Only a few inches, yet in the end, gave me a bit more of a happy feeling inside. Of course her face and body had colors and makeup. Orange nails, eyeliner, even orange eyebrows. With a padded face of white powder, only small traces. That was my Jenny!

On the bus ride with Jenny, we talked about the community, mainly why she was never at such meetings and how the community would allow it. She gave a vague answer about her family living on another island, that does not have a certain class in her academy, thus she moved here and will be living here until her required education has been granted. Hate admitting it, cause Jenny is one girl I've been with that I could anything with and say without restriction. She wouldn't get upset with me, and vise versa. But we still had arguments every once in a while, yet she is quick to calm and end such misunderstandings through logical reasoning's. That is one of the qualities that I admired with Jenny. However when she was explaining why shed was never at the island's mandatory community meetings it sounded just plain odd. Especially when I probed further and she took a defensive stance which was not like her, after she changed the conversation for the third time, I left it alone. No reason to just mess up a perfectly peaceful cheerful day.

We began to just fool around, making fun of those around us, how they were dressed, how strict, uptight, snuffy they seemed to be, most were sick, just as they deserve in our books. Trying to imitate them, we laughed almost all the way there, until a certain man came onto the bus. It was a upper class Government type, his rich smell and clothing gave him away with such ease. Dark brown, or nearly burnet skin in comparison to anyone I've noticed, very few had such a look. Being out in the sun too long, older as well. Very spiky thin black hair upon his head, no gray, though it looked tampered with. Yet, a receding hair line was more then visible on his face's forehead. Tiny noise, ears, hands, small eyes, brown colored, with a very thinned mustache. slick, clean, smooth body in that suit most likely, unless he using something to conceal such a thing. We were about the same height as well, not entirely sure from afar. Just don't usually see Governments in suits like that. He just stuck out.

He had not been coughing like everyone else. I also couldn't help but keep my eye on him through the entire ride. That is until he started to notice me doing so, from then on, I kept my sights towards Jenny. Who caught on to such behavior and was not very pleased. Yet she tried to hide it through a few sinister grins.

We made it to Jennies place after a long walk, it was odd. Out of the way, past the Brourge's family bar, not pass the Military Base, and down a long thin dirt mixed snow ridden path towards the lighthouse. Half way along such a path. We found a little shack near or on the beach, it was an apartment. Odd and off the map. My sense just sprung out of control when stepping into the doors of that particular building. Nothing like the outer walls, nothing worn, old, used, rusting. On the contrary, very delicate and shining new. Did I miss the fact of my friend being loaded, or just the lack of being aware up to this point. Her room was upstairs, just an apartment, she reassured me. Its was a small room to the left of the stairs. Much more normal, I never asked who lived downstairs. Most likely a Government scumbag. Compared to us Military commoners, as least we were united. Then the whole community wanting my that came into mind, and I sort of take that last part back. Their all bastards.

Jenny and I spent the entire afternoon, into the late night hanging out in her place. Again, it was the first time for me. We talked a lot, and about my man of men. Brourge, which we got into a snag. Apparently most people hate me because I'm without a publicly known husband. Not so much the traitor aspect, since the Iron Moth cleared me, I would be free of suspicion. If not for my indifferent attitude and odd behavior when compared to the norm of the island. Basically, with a man by my side or I by his. Everything should go back into the other direction. Less harassment, prejudice, unfair rulings, returning to a job, etc. Not to mention, my family would be proud of me. Which still mattered to me, regardless of how we all got along. Still loved them.

So, we both agreed upon, Brourge was going to show up to dinner at my place or things would no longer be as they are. He and I would be nothing anymore, her and I giggled in play. Wrestling in Celera ration, for she and other friends would be invited to such a dinner. Thus they would all be present, witnessing the man who stole my heart. It'll be a day of days, moment to live again and again. How could they reject him anyhow, we're in love, he chose me. The Iron Moth chose him, in the end, out leaders of the Sperack Island Community have strayed. Not I.

Tomorrow I would be writing in that letter both he and I have been passing about. That a dinner arrangement must be set.

February 3, 137UH

Finally all that practice during the weeks, again and again. Distracting us and forming our thoughts around a meaningless prideful creation. A rivalry between the Military and Government academies on the island. Seen like this for decades, before I was born. Though from what I've learned up to this point. It would appear, that such rivalry is nonsense in the end. Nothing more then fuel to boost our morals into practicing for a sport that's played worldwide. But that's it, only a simple sport for fun and play. No one gets paid, rewards, parties, money, just a small celebration with some friends of the team. That's all, or frowns when the teams loses. Perhaps that's just me, I wouldn't put it pass these throat cutting idiots. Heading off to a place without a note or letter, explaining why everyone was always smiling. Damn bastards.

That Sickle Sport Troutdown finally came as I mentioned earlier. Though something unusual, I found Brourge in the crowd while playing below in the waters of that tank. Watching us, our team playing against the other, myself mainly twinkling in his sight. Blushing it was, embarrassing to realize he was witnessing my movements. Caused me to lose my concentration more then once. All 50 rounds of the game, he swam through my mind. Trying not to look in his direction, that entire time. Found such a pleasure to know, he took his day in seeing my performance today. A wicked surprise of proportions beyond measure. Unsure what heated my blood more. The thrill of the game or just such thoughts of my man having those sights fixed only upon myself.

With the help of Jenny and such hatful yet anticipating teammates of mine. Even with such distracting unfocused concentration throughout the game, we all pulled through and won. Knowing full well, that it ever really meant much in winning anymore. Though, Jenny's smiling sensation just seemed to breath life into my being. Herself jumping into air, clapping, her hair flaying about. Grabbing my hands too, flying through the air she was. How could I just stiffen looking in Brourge's direction. Foolish that would be, idiotic, not just for me. Yet for Jenny as well, if I perhaps frowned. She to might be brought down as well, since we're each other's main friends. From what I know, best friends till the end.

Dropping that particular logical reasoning face, only seeking the lips which Brourge had to offer. Would fulfill my desires. I jumped into the pool of utter happiness that Jenny certain enjoyed more then anything. As, when those moments met with a particular mood. Sent me blazing into another form of reality from which the hate never really followed.

So, Jenny and I, went skipping down the path around the obstacles towards the locker rooms for our particular team. Since other activates occurred in this arena, most that I'm not aware of. Heard rumors, yet never entirely been sure about. Besides that every other month Iron Moth festival, taking place upon the entire island. It usually covers most of the arena, other parts are expended outwards beyond such boundaries. So yeah, the locker rooms and other assortments were scattered about in some of the most odd spots. While skipping past the rushing crowds, thickening and thinning depending on the point you entered into them. I told Jenny who I saw watching us in the crowd. Her eyes lit up just as mine blushed, we chuckled and gigged about such a thing. Even cracking jokes or other funnies. We hurried along, trying to beat all the rest, ourselves covered with only a towel. Still dripping from the water that we swam.

At one point, Jenny disappeared. I made it to the locker rooms upon the upper floors. I'd forgotten how large the place was. Needed to make a mental note, of where things had been positioned. For I was heading to the other side of the SST Arena. So both Jenny and I were heading in the wrong direction, there was also a decrease in people around, odd. Though, huffing and puffing, finally made it to the locker rooms for our particular female Military Academy's players. Surprisingly enough, Jenny was already wrapping a towel around herself. Couldn't believe it, how we lost each other in the crowd. Though our greetings were friendly enough, no need for questions. Just pleasantries, I thought ,anyhow. Joking around about being slow poke. Perhaps, did I pass out or something.

Shaking my head, having to pursue this line of jokes and thoughts. For I didn't understand what was happening. How I was the slow poke, how did she get here change out of those clothes and fill out a small report on the game, one which was also for me. All of this in that small amount of time, apparently there was more to be said. Which she continued as I relieved myself of suddenly a non dripping wet uniform. It was only moist, so I sat upon that bench in between the lockers. Listening, shaking the odd feeling this was growing from such odd things going on this day.

The story, we both were side by side in the crowd skipping along. When I suggested in finding that man of mine to kiss and say goodbye. Which Jenny agreed would be so sweetening after such a victory. Witch such words of pride, we both threw up our hands above ourselves. Shouting victory, with smiles and laughs all around. Going our separate ways, planning to meet up at the locker room. Which indeed, Jenny waited quite sometime. Before finally doing her own thing, after all were basically already gone. Just felt a bit out of place for her, sitting on a bench outside the women's locker room. She then asked, seriously concerned, did I recall any of that. Which I didn't yet smiled and continued taking that uniform off. Ensuring nothing had been out of place, just worried perhaps my best friend might of gone. With not being outside the locker room.

Seeing that Jenny was more then satisfied with that. I continued to open my locker pondering on what really happened. Yet inside was something also unusual. An envelope laid inside, the very same that Brourge and I pass about. Opening it, silently, so not to alert anyone else. It would appear my love wanted for us to meet tomorrow. Also congratulating me on my team's win of the game this month. Such a bounce and smile came over my body within and instant of those words spinning in my head. Even specifying a certain move that had been preformed. By myself with the help of the other team mates. So it had to have been recent, considering he even stated I was still before the move. Which I was this game, for his watching eyes induced such distraction. No doubt this was recent.

Surely I might have had a black out, maybe. Unlikely, yet I would of remember something today. Creepy, this whole situation was growing into, it only stirred into a worst direction. How was this letter delivered into this locker room. I know Brourge has a few special skills, speed perhaps. Yet not invisibly to the naked eye. No man would have been allowed anywhere near this portion of the SST Arena. It was females only, later in the day perhaps the janitors, which were usually still female. Asking Jenny if she saw anyone.

Of course, knowing what had been on my mind, and now the entire duration of the game. She stated no men of any sort had crossed her path. The mail system of the island, from what I understood does not mail them too locker rooms. It had to been someone he had connections with, but who? I know its many if not few, know full well he's been hiding a lot from me. So this could be part of something that's not been spoken of. Yeah, that had to be it. Someone was given this letter after writing it in the stand from which he watched. Then with the hand off, came over to my locker on this part of the SST Arena. Placing it into the locker. Though even more disturbing, could it be someone close.

My eyes widened with shame, Jenny being a suspect. Was it even possible, how and why would that even cross my mind. Slamming my fist into one of the lockers, I was able to vent some that particular frustration and horribleness from my mind. Why would Jenny even consider deceiving me this entire time, we've been friends for years now. Illogical, how could I even think such a thing. For what purpose would reason be for such treachery. Though, perhaps a simple money fed contact of Brourge's wouldn't be out of the question. Then again, she has never met the guy so it was all nothing more then a suspicion. It stopped earlier today at that SST Arena

Still thinking about Jenny, going over to the showers, heading around the corner, Jenny popped out and frightened me, knocking on the ass upon the floor. Then she helped me up of course. We began to giggle and laugh as we always did, having the blast and connecting so wonderfully. Washing one another even, yet this day. It felt more odd then ever before, I could feel vibes of a different nature emitting from Jenny's being. Though I didn't any of it to ruin my day.

Jenny and I even spent the day together. At the mall, no buying however. We didn't or I didn't really buy anything. Even if she insisted I do so, only window shopping and such. Spending the rest of the time at her place upon that particular beach. Luckily this entire month apparently was a shift occurred. Within that lighthouse, concerning the IM TransPetal, a weather control device. Stabilizing the area's climate and temperature upon the island. Yeah, there's supposed to be hundreds of them all over the earth. Because the atmosphere of our planet changed into somewhat unstable conditions for us to sustain any sort of life. Or at least that's what we were told.

Much much warmer, even the snow completely disappeared, with no cold winds blowing along. More then enough warmth, to play outside, though the water still froze our socks off. I should know, we tried with the tide coming in. A small game of chicken, who could get stay dry and in place the longest. Seems she won more then me, if memory serves. Besides some harmless fun. Nothing really was done, what a lovely change in the atmosphere. Rarely ever get to spend time with her. So wonderful it all was. Except for the bus ride home, coughing persons raging strongly again. Or I finally noticed them, which didn't make sense. Considering the artic climate went blowing away in the beginning of this month. Yet, didn't stop most people coughing up blood. Including, a lack of people, the numbers have been a bit declining during he nights. There has to be a reason.

During the night, when I was eating dinner many hours ago. I was looking for suspects in Brourge's web. I found something interesting, how do Jenny and I connect so well, almost too well sometimes. It felt just like Adam Peckerson, that detective at the bar, same exact comfortable feeling. What do they have that we relate so naturally together, as if meant to be. Is she like Brourge, blanking out such thoughts with closing my eyes. It was not possible. Jenny was my best friend and Brourge was my loving man, there was nothing connect between them, it was only an overactive imagination. And still is, that being alone, causes a lot of paranoid delusions. Why should I care if Brourge has connections I don't know of. We're lovers, still fresh, why should he have to reveal everything to me at once. The answer, was just too relax. That my life has been placed into the hands of a god's servant.

What's to be a fearful of. Those delusions have become more and more vivid, as he stated would. He's not been wrong yet, why do I insist on picking through my safety net. Breaking down the walls of the house I live in, that being built and will secure happiness of he and I.

However, why does Jenny stay by my side. What could I possess that would attract her. Drive her forward towards me so often. I know more friends are accepting elsewhere. Surely we're close, yet what do we know of each other in the end. Just recently found out, after years of friendship, that she lived on the outskirts from civilizing on the island. It's something, that can't be ignored. I'll have to ensure Jenny is the best friend I've imagined us to be.

February 4, 137UH

Meeting up at the bar, usual day, as Brourge had been there already waiting. Though I didn't need any breakfast from his restaurant. Sat down, tediously with the family this fine morning. I Must have been dazed or something, but regardless. An actual family sit down, even if words weren't really thrown about. Yet I do recall something I didn't want to hear, coughing from my father. Only slightly, caused me to jump into such alertness. One single cough, was all. Though my heart indeed skipped several beats in that moment. Scary, frightening, perhaps a reason why I may have been avoiding such intimacy with my related bloods. Feel this will be the last time in a while before sitting down with the family for chow. From getting sick, or realizing something might be a miss. It was reason enough.

With Brourge, we hurried back to the silo. He wanted to read my diary again. So indeed, both brought such a personal object and allowed his eyes another glace. It was his gift to me, after all, he put down the rules. In the end I'm going to profit from such activities as this for most of my life. At least these were some of his tender words that still rung through my being to this night. He noted, with the opening of that hatch, us stepping inside. Closing, that door, latching it all the way snuggly shut. Wisdom rained down upon my being from his twirling tongue. Requesting I try and mark down the writing, a bit more. This was getting ridiculous. Regardless of the one day since I last started writing again. Perhaps he was unsteady with my answer of doing so before. Though, it was nothing to do with negativity. More of, ensuring comprehension. Safety, I guess, would also fit. He worried just the right amount about his lover, me.

Nodding in understanding this request, yet still wary on actually being able to follow his exact wishes. We laid over the mattress in the silo's upper floor. I decide to ask him something along the lines of what occurred yesterday. The message of course, how it got into my locker, how did no one see him do it. Did he have someone else go and place that particular letter there when I was playing, did he know Jenny, was I being watched. Those kind of questions, were asked in full bloom of their complete thoughts. No holding back, serous to the core. Firstly, he congratulated me with kiss on my left hand. I smiled briefly, witnessing a grin upon his own face. Saying how I had such courage to finally speak up, from which he explained to me.

Brourge, he known a Jenny that went to my Military Academy, though she was not the one who placed such a letter into that locker of mine. No, nothing more then a thug, a little bitch who did as she was told. However, the description he provided was not the similar to my best friend. This was odd though, the Jenny he was talking about had been a large body builder or something. I didn't really understand his hatful stream when speaking of such a person. That very person he sent placed such a letter into my locker during the game. I believed everything he said, nothing was left with doubt. I'm glad thus appeased him so, as it did me, finally able to ask what I sought in knowing. As for other things, he had his people around, yet none that looked after me. That was his personal objective. We caught eyes, as my heart melted to such words from he.

He sprung up from the mattress, we both had our clothes on. So I expected some intimate play, maybe a rough skull fucking or a lustful out of control motion. Being left laying upon the mattress, waiting I had. Until he came back and tugged my foot a little, to follow him. He wanted to reward me with a treat today. My smile grew just as his grin sprouted through. Getting our clothes on again. In full honestly I didn't think the weather would drop to such cold climate so quickly. Yet, freezing winds and iced over fields, rooftops, and sidewalks. Though most of it had been melting away sure enough. Though not around here. By the silo or out in the farm field.

We ran out from the silo, he held my arms at both sides, telling me to wait there. Which I did as he went behind the silo, peeked, what can I say. Its irresistible to not do when one says something like that. However, like a good girl, I stayed put. Then a roaring engine came from behind me, taking all my strength not to look. It, with Brourge atop came rolling. No, sliding upon the snow. Right up to me, asking for me to top on. Well I was amazed in knowing what it had been. With two thin stripes of rolled up metal, as if for a sled, were at the end. Attached to a steering wheel above it, in his hands. His feet upon two pedals on the sides of the large machine, which was covered with a while metal covering. I assume to block any injuries, which there was a muffler pocking out of the end. Expelling black fumes into the air, bit by bit. Then a large rolling rubber belt with a wheel inside that, which allowed to turn.

Still in the end I was mystified, I assumed enough to understand that it was used in moving across the icy landscape. Yet a name never came to mind, though he called it a snowmobile. Getting on the thing, he hit the gas and we zipped off upon the snow. Passing the bar, and into the next field we went. Zooming along, missing a few places while hitting others. My hands never one let go of him. They stayed latched on his stomach and my body hung tight as could be. Fearful of falling off or worse, though again, besides that I allowed out excitement. Yelling with each and every twist and turn. He yelled to me as well, though not exactly just wowing excitement as I was. More of, how does this little reward amount to. Though if only he knew, that it was more then a simple reward as this. Much more, that my love, himself. Was what I sought overall. Being with him, just admitting this to myself, caused me to blush heavily.

In minutes the fields began to become unclear. It must have been a small storm of some sort. Because we couldn't see anything at all. A whiteout, maybe even a blizzard. Then a cop car came into the field, nearly running into us. We flipped elsewhere, hitting a rock, the snowmobile knocked out. Brourge swore as he told me to stay down, that his friend will pick me up in a while. The cops would be taken care of by himself, which I wanted to hold dearly onto. When his fingers, slid out of my grasp. There I stayed, I saw him running off into the distance. Others soon followed, in their blue uniforms. Yet, never did they notice little old me. However besides worrying about Brourge, I looked for Adam Peckerson. He was trailing my dearest after all. So there I waited, wondering how. They could of missed me by this rock, I wasn't hiding myself. They must of really only been after my love after all. Tears started to drip, one after the other.

While in that particular state of mind, someone began to talking to me. Grabbing my hand. I was pulled up from the ground. It was that bartender, the same with the scar across his eyes. He handed me my purse, which I did leave in the silo. We walked into the unknown, he told me what to do. I listened, with the thought of Brourge's employee if not family member was helping. Since my love did say someone was going to fetch me from the whiteout. We came to the road in no time, so cold. Numb all over my body, he told me to get to the other side with him then take a bus home. That Brourge would be alright, he always knows what he's doing. He smiled at me, it gave me such reassurance. Though when I tried to thank him, even my tongue or mouth seemed a bit frosted over. He waited for a bus and say me off onto the bus. While he went back into the bar. We waved to one another, as I sat down. The person next to me, coughing away.

It was getting damn annoying, what ever it was. Sickness, everyday, everywhere. Though getting home, safely, only Brourge swam through my mind. The memories of playfulness from today and before. Along with the bleeding worry of what he might be involved. Why they chase him, what is he hiding. Both thoughts followed me all the day. As I excised in my room, read books, and wrote out ideas, as with what I would be writing for the letter between he and I.\

February 9, 137UH

During the week, my worry for Brourge did continuously wander in and out of mind. At least sending my letter, asking of dinner, to he, gave me some relief. Hoping a hasty return to come in the days that slowly passed. Considering, I could only hope and pray to the Iron Moth. For my love to be safe, I only decided to do as he requested. Strengthen myself, logically made complete sense to me outside of his love bound grasp. If your waiting, why not do something constructive. Instead of wasting all that time. Thus, more reading, more writing, more thinking, more exercise overall. My main goal in doing so, would to breakthrough. Sustain myself while in that cave. I don't wish to pass out again. Waking up to Brourge's worried and disappointed face.

Therese were more problems, I was assaulted by that asshole who wanted me to wed him. His sister also had been there. They were looking to kidnap me, maybe, or kill. Using what Brourge taught me. I was able to defend myself by sending that bastard into a world of pain upon the ground. Feeling the adrenaline burning through me, I ran. Running faster then I've ever had before in my life. As he screamed, his arm. Broken, knowing that I caused it to snap. That such squirting blood had been my doing. That I was responsible for violently attacking another person. Causing harm, it was the most despicable thing I've ever done in my life. I'm not sure, it was night, pitch black in every directions. I stayed out late at the Exercise Station pushing my body to its max, as always. In the city, allies everywhere I looked and found myself huffing and puffing upon a wall. Settling down to the ground, holding my knees close inwards. Almost beginning to cry. Then something fuzzy was near me, a small orange and white spotted cat. He was so dirty, brown portions in his fur. Looking at him, he came right over. Licking my hand, as I stroked his head to that tail. His body growing with each caressing from my fingers. We both seemed to look into the other's eye.

At that moment, I felt something in me. Rising through my feet, something carried itself up and beyond into my mind. It warmed my body, entirely, closing these eyes. Deep breathes, passing into the night air. Stretching, getting those annoying kinks out. Feeling relaxed, the kitten ran away. Disappearing in that darkness from which it came, leaving me alone. As I griped my purse, a sudden thought came to mind. That it was no longer needed, that sympathy. Why should I suffer for someone who despises everything I stand for. Wishes to kill me, if they can't have what I don't desire. With no respect, then they should be left with none just the same. Gripping fists then taking in a deep breathe. Releasing them simultaneously, I accepted myself. This was not a violent act, no. I've done nothing but protect my own life and interests. Just as they wanted to expand their own.

Smiling, I found the sister of that man. They were both still in that alley way, he was in her lap. She had only gotten done on her cell phone, most likely calling the police or for help. Sneaking up on them, I grabbed her head. Smashing it against the wall. In an instant, that bitch was unconscious. Then kneeling on that scared man with the broken arm, now also an unnoticed bleeding leg. Slamming down upon his throat with my foot, he coughed greatly afterwards. So I did it again, and again, and again. Only three stomps, I had to ensure he wouldn't bother me or anyone else. It was my turn to help society, did I not help. Rid this world, of the unneeded. He was obsessed anyhow, better to have killed him. Wonder if I did, oh well, its over.

I rode the buss home from that point, smiling so greatly, though I'm unsure. Yet, today, I have acceded to something greater. Something worthy of Brourge, this feeling is undeniable. That night, I've become a real women. Maturing further up the ladder. Experience seems to have an effect, surely enough. Later in the week, I've ventured further in my life, finding that since I wouldn't have Brourge. His rewarding love for such faithful obedience under his teachings. That day, or perhaps spectator lonely night. Thinking of when Brourge had me against that wall, whipping me so dearly. But instead of taking down those ropes and binds. I would be forced, fucked right there. Bursting in moans and utter pleasure as his cock took hold of me within. He held my hair, pulling with every thrust as I trusted back into his own. From that night I masturbated for the first time, cumming wonderfully. Lucky for the towel, guess I wasn't used to the whole doing it myself. Odd feeling it was, though I continued, doing it nearly every day. Even this night, I found myself playing by my lonesome. Spilling such loving admiration, upon that towel, nothing compared to that high feeling within and out.

The entire week, nothing but coughing here and there upon those buses everyday. Wherever I went on this island. Its becoming too much to handle for me, just digging into my nerves. What also helped me greatly was the letter and book from Brourge. In my newly sustained state of mind. Guess it bloomed further into quite the feeling of such indescribable love. There was a unseen disturbance, however. Which had been, that answer about dinner on the 11th. There was nothing even acknowledging that such a question had been asked. Anger exploded internally, yet I contained it with ease. For the simple luxury to both read his words at heart in that letter. As with the wisdom in the next book, "Differences within Humanity". Started reading all about those little things that have never reached my mind. Before these awakening days in such a horrific world. Also skipped between the letter and book. As he asked about my college career and we were discussing another conversation about "Forgotten History". That book he had sent before.

For this day, a meeting with Brourge was also prearranged in that letter. My older sister waited for me to arise from my hideaway. At her own room' s door, such a smile she wore. Giggling as I went by, about to head down the stairs. Yet I couldn't help but know why my sister was awaiting me. Normally, my entire family was the first to rise and the last to leave. Her comment, was about last night. Then the many nights before, such noises being expressed, a name even mentioned. Surprising, or my foolish self didn't realize my sis could listen, recognizing such sounds. Guess it wasn't something that bothered me much in the end, I mean, her room was the closest on the 2nd floor of the house. Though I asked if it could be kept between us, I didn't want my folks to know. It would forced them to ask questions or perhaps snoop around. Just not ready for them know that much at this time.

My sister insisted we talked about everything, thus it'll all be confidential. Which I told her about my lovely Brourge P. She wasn;t surprised by the fact of having a man, yet the type was shocking in the least. That I also intended to bring him over for dinner this 11th. At least, if he refused, then it would be over. Her chuckle at me, acting so serious, so controlling. Her words to describe it, nothing like me, or the Ploon she knew. So a small explanation came, though was unnecessary. My older sister already knew the collar the Island Community has labeled me with. Stressed and tense are not that bad, considering everything that happed to me. She would do a favor for me, as well. Break the news to our folks about my luckily man. About dinner with friends and family would have to be arranged. For that we hugged, sharing many other laughs. Even when my little brother showed up and we sort of chased him to breakfast.

Been awhile since a bonding moment with my family, feels refreshing yet positioning. Not sure why, so toxic though. My sense said that. So I had breakfast at the bar, once I had gotten there. We were heading to the silo, however, I was unable. Just the sight of the silo, sent me into bumps and chills. I requested we go to the cave. He seemed confused, yet excited to see if I was enough. So we headed off, to such a place. Which we arrived shortly after, less then a few minutes. We walked down those steps and came to the large interior, beyond measure. There I stood proudly he watched while feeling the naturally crusted wall. The flames lit inside the walls and yet illuminated the all that was to the see. More tunnels and large pools of water. It seemed to have changed a bit, since last time, could swear it. Next thing I knew, Brourge and I were playing upon the dirt. Climaxing at his hands, in such naturally crafted piece of nature. Just beyond riveting, as I was soaked when I checked. We played intimacy, quite a lot today.

The rest of the time, we talked. Mainly I was interested in meeting his friends, which he seemed to avoid. My target, was knowing who he was inside and out. Where he came from, why he wanted me. No more hiding, just tearing me apart. Can't take much more, sadly. But, he agreed to dinner, our faces lit up. Only on the condition he cooked the meal, which I accepted.

Upon returning home, my folks and sis were in the living room. Chatting about me, and he. Before I even entered, after doing so felt it had been time. Informed my entire family of finding a man. That dinner will be on the 11th, as I planned, hope it won't be much trouble. Which they were relieved to hear. To witness such happeisnss within my family, made me love them all over again. Perhaps the simple fact of knowing, they might accept me. That all of the island will back off, give me some respect now. Yeah, they were also alight with Brourge cooking the dinner to be served that particular night. He and I will be accepted, finally, as a whole family.

Finally....

February 10, 137UH

That dagger, appeared in my dreamy state of being, getting up in the morning is so mystical. It, drenched in blood, bleeding as a fountain, seemed motionless. Only occurring in a slow spin, spilling such red amounts into the emptiness below. Darkness it was, though upon my eyes opening and looking forward. At the end of that bed of mine, the dagger remained. Yet stayed still, before disappearing. Fading out while moving about and getting ready for the day of spending. Regardless of how such a time had been spent, alone or with another.

Odd, today, had to walk the entire way to Brourge's family bar. My switch mood is getting far too much attention lately. Popping up and disappearing, yet the bizarreness stays behind, staining my life. In ways that are not found to be liking. However, there was a surprising occurrence. The weather and climate changed for the better. Warmed up, warmer then the snow could handle. As it was all gone by this morning. Finally the cold, icy chill, melted away over night. So lovely it was, considering my situation. Walking along, alone, with a decent layer of warmth kept within.

Though, another surprising element had entered the picture. A car, an actual four door too, and non police vehicle. Since the commoner, so to speak, we're not allowed to obtain cars. Vehicles of any sort really, they were only provided to the upper class. With a strict watch over the entire area and people, it wasn't hard for them to find out if one had a car or not. Yes, Brourge, was driving the vehicle, right on the road next to me. I got in, though he had to instruct me on how the door opened. Which was amazing, once again, he won me over. Sitting in that cushioned seat, perhaps leather even. Some creaked, ripped up, even the fabric from inside coming out. As for the outter car's skin, peeled paint, creaking, missing portions, rusted, old. The engine puffed out large black through the pipe in the back. And as for the engine itself, large popping, perhaps punching.

I was just speechless, only amazed at the car. Actually riding in a car, so astounding the experience. Even, more so with that man close to my heart. We spent moments of preciousness, that the man driving us together in life. Will be just like this from this time forth, he'll be mine for good. We parked, got out, he locked up. Heading on back to the silo, play with one another. Perhaps a game of tag, our lips seem to have tied who got to our destination first before being the one who was tagged. Inside the silo, I asked if we go be in the cave, he agreed.

In the cave near by, though never seen from afar. I tried to talk with Brourge, about his friend again. Though he stopped me, saying that at one time. We'll get to speak of such a subject, when its time. I nodded, we were playing around intimately. It ruined the mood, so I came up with another thought. That I kept to myself in full, about Brourge and his business, why he ran from the cops. In his arms, everything began going black. Unconscious, only that seemed to stand out above any other reasoning. For the fact of what was seen in the night. Vividly I must add, Jenny.

Must of passed out unconsciously in the cave, again. Sucked, I mean, thought I was ready. Yet, more training was necessary if I ever wanted to prove my worth to such a man as Brourge. More to the point, why did I see Jenny carrying me home. Since I woke up in the night, I was out for quite some time. So weird, being Jenny dragged me on along on the streets. Why?

Masturbating, as its called, well came twice in Brourge's favor. Only with the realization, that perhaps Jenny and he are linked just as I feared. Perhaps in ways that brought such uncomfort. I hope I'm wrong about that, yet its possible, since I believe my man's every word. Then again, it could be what he's hiding within. Ensuring our love only lasts when he finds it to be convenient, like a play toy, when he's in the mood. Fisting my hands, forcing these sharps nails into palms. I began to bleed from each puncturing point. Uring a paper towel, I continued writing from this mark in thought. I never allow his name or image to be taken in such vain.

At least tomorrow, it'll be anew. Brourge and I will be as one. Love seeing us through, as with the acceptance of all others.

February 11, 137UH
That faithful day has arrived, spent most of it helping with the setting of such a miraculous dinner. That very time, friends of the family were over as with Jenny. All we had were deliveries of trucks to our house, with all sorts of ingredients, that were on the list he gave me. Found that list in my pcoket, must have been when I went unconscious. We all sat in the living room, watching the Minformation. Though Jenny and I were looking out the windows for he. Listening to the car's engine being driven. Waiting for this day to begin and end in such cheerfulness. I noticed a few people couching of my Military friends was odd, my father did too. Yet I tried not let it get me down, focused on him arriving.

Then such a fatal time came and passed. I told, or practically shoved Jenny away from the door. So that I awaited Brourge. Alone, readying for anything, smiling utterly without any other thought. Like a whimpering dog for a treat, so much excitement that could not be obtained. The knock upon that door, and myself letting him in. So dark it had been, outside, the night sang such wonders.

Taking his fur wool coat and hat, placing it onto the hook by the door. He wore a yellow plain tight short sleeve shirt. Dark black baggy pants, brown laced shoes, leather gloves of a dark tainted green that only reached up to his wrists. His body was all the same as before. Though a bit cleaner this time around, seems he got ready for such a precious time as asked of. When he went into the living room, with myself by his side. They only could stare, it gasped my own words as their own. Choking, my very soul, shattering me to pieces. Yet, I'm unsure how he felt. What he saw, then and there. Among those fucking bastards.

Only asked I hung onto his gloves and wondered who was to help him in the kitchen with dinner tonight. Smiling, trying to chuckle, he did. However, the damn bastards said nothing, not a word. At least nothing spoken aloud, only screaming within. I raised my hand, and there we went along. Into the kitchen, soon after explaining what he was going to create. Both my mother and sister joined us later on. We were cooking a Serbian dish tonight or many of them, as they existed some time ago before the UHEG.

A soup, beef stew with vegetables of sorts. With other mysterious spices mixed in, was being referred as a goulash. This was to be the min course for our dinner with dolma. With yogert, zucchhini, tomato, and pepper wrapped into small leaf packets. Kulen, made up of minced pork of such a flavored sausage, served in large thin slices. Pita, large rounded bread pockets meant to place all sorts of other ingredients into, then eaten. Lyutenitsa, spicy relish, to be served with the other foods. Profiterole, chocolate sauce filled small bread rolls with a dusting of sugar upon their tops. Then a rakjia, for a drink, which was Slivovitsa or a particular alcohol of that nation.

Finally, after some time, that dinner was served to us at the table. Everyone seemed both unsure and disgusted. Until Brourge dug in first, acquiring how delicious the Dolma tasted, with the small amounts of a few bits already dished onto his plate. Which everyone else seemed to do the same following that. No one spoke a word, only chewed, some were surprised with the delicious tastes. Until my mother spoke, asking how such a. Person like himself could be so knowledgeable about foods such as these. Such an uneasy atmosphere existed and grew, Jenny was also not impressed as her face spoke abruptly. They did comment on his skills in the kitchen, that's about it.

Soon, Brourge tried to speak with others, about life I guess. Unsure, just tried to get through the night without screaming at those bastards. They just burned into me, even worse, I had to allow it to seep its way in and continue. Oh, how I would of yelled and shouted their names in vain. Even my damn family, sickening to see they showed no respect for my choices. Finally, I do something, wish for their approval. Been so many years since I've done so, and they shove it into my face. Just goes to show why I kept my distance this entire time. A horrible reminder, they basically judged on all looks since he arrived. They haven't stopped and probably won't.

Next thing I knew, the mood dampened as voices from those other then Brourge's grew louder and louder. Spiking with rage, hate, and disapproval. Perhaps this was on purpose, or just cam out. From which my love, pulled away from the table. Got up, stated he was unable to finish his meal tonight. Not only saying it to me, but also everyone there. Basically sighting, knowing when he was unwelcome. I to got up, scrambling to see him out, and giving his gloves back. Which he smiled, as if he foresaw this outcome. Yet wanted to show me, anyway, another less of his own. Because he had been his usual self, giggling, and smiling. Did he laugh for being correct, realizing the outcome. I'm sure it must have been, completely to his liking. Though, forgiving these assholes for such horrible feelings dwelling within me. Will not be forgotten or allowed to further expand themselves in to my life.

While in full view of the kitchen, dining table, friends and family. We shared tongues, colliding into the mouth of the other, before taking both his hat. Sliding on that fur coat he walked out, while I blankly shut the door. Returning to the dining table, they spoke on deaf ears. As I only gathered food upon that plate. Then turned around, going down the hall, up the stairs, and into my room. Locking it all the same, eating and writing this entry for today. Until, not a sound came throughout the house. I went back down stairs to put away my dirty plate into the sink. Which I happened by my older sister, drinking heavily from a bottle of alcohol. In the kitchen, dropping the plate off, my sis got a hold of myself. We discussed this disappointing night, that he did truly have that spark in his eyes for me. That he was a keeper, just as I for him.

She did try offer me alcohol, which I refused and am sill against. Her husband, or boyfriend, was already passed out on the couch in the living room. Where she went over to pass out herself, after rambling about other things. Which I continued back upstairs, locking my door again, masturbating in his image clearly vivid. Bringing up the scenario of a punishment for their actions. Spanking myself, causing to go red, yelling out to him such apologies of sorts. It was such a turn on, couldn't believe it. Climaxing to such an extent, intermixing in such a subject of varies. Delish...

Sadly, these bastards will find thet they've only pushed me so afar. Their actions will be regretted, by themselves. Not ever to be forgiven. As I always expected this place, is not my home. Only indifference and misunderstand to the greatest degree.

February 16, 2137UH

God Damn!!!!! Hell of a week....

Yeah, read that entire book Brourge sent my view, including the historical book. So much has suddenly been blown out of proportion. What the hell has been happening for most of this life. Which is mine, near thirty years down the fucking drain. Better late then never I guess. But come on!!!! I learned what Asian is and was, something they took out of the school system to help reduce prejudice and other logical yet foolish path to peace. Being Asian is not a bad thing, just among Russians it could pose a problem. Perhaps, that may be why, because my skin color. As it used to be described and unconsciously carried on through the generations. Just because I'm physically and racially different then they. Yet do they know their own heritage. Because the lords of the UHEG or Government divided humanity up into sections. On earth, as to ensure peace could and would prosper. Didn't think a little shit like me would get through, bastards.

Speaking of which, I went and read up on the missing persons of the island in the database at the library. It clamed me as did something else, a fern, finished the cooling process. From such a high magnitude of infuriated hate and anger. Though by the plant near the table, not sure why. I wanted to begin talking to it. Freak me out, anyhow and reading of those missing people. I became calm as my mind went off, wondering how a Asian got onto a Russian only Island? It bothered me a lot. As did Brourge, for once, he bothered me. Perhaps that whole family not accepting and friends not being accepting, got to me further then he. His love, at that point, I cried. Realizing all that happened and would happen. If anyone spoke to the Island Community Leaders about that night, I would most certainly be jailed for criminal activities. Lying to everyone, hiding a lover, being sexually active without a marriage license.

Yes, I found out that all those laws are complete fucking trash, their only methods of controlling the population. Understandable, yet, not so if you love is overturned just because someone does not agree with your life's choices. Its not fair to be controlled by another, if their close minded.

But, Brourge, pissed me off when he stated that family and friends were a great part of life. It couldn't be just he and myself. it's a narrow life, there needs to be someone else. Even just to talk to or be around. Its not healthy to be with and having one person be your entire life. There needs to be more, which his words have sunk in. I feel, I will reconcile my differences for his word is law in my mind. He helped arranged times and dates, how to get my message across to those I waned peace with. Which did work out, up to this day even. I was able to make peace with all, except one.

Jenny was no where to be found. Nothing left, her house was empty, on one was there. It frightened me greatly.

Though at least, I've been able to calm the anger into something lesser and yet grander. Into something known as comfort. Thanks Brourge, my love, couldn't have done anything without you. Why do I continue to suspect him, question he, link Jenny with such a dear. Regardless, we discussed the book before we could, still I'm frigid towards them. Things are just back to normal, is all. Still, without Jenny, my best friend. I feel at a loss.

February 17, 2137UH

I may have been harsh yesterday, my blood had still been infuriated. From the combination of both Brourge's ultimately dominating words overtaking my judgment. Having to befriend, regardless of such a positive outcome, those who abandoned my decision for happiness. That disregarded me and that love, which we are interpretable. It means nothing, in the end, that they have banished him ever from being part of our lives. Mainly my own, they will keep things quiet, as long as that poop excuse for a man. Stays his distance and is never seen in public again, around myself. I agreed to seal the deal and heal the stress crushing wounds within. So we wouldn't share with one another cold stares of hate and indifference as often. It was an improvement, even if the family friend who were over that very night seem to be keeping their distance overall. Forgot to mentioned such a thing, in the last entry.

Speaking of which, since I was able to spend the day with Brourge. Or at least until those little police commoner fools interrupted us. We had a letter passing, in which I spoke of my career choice. Being anything within the ocean, or its called something else within the class room of the Military Academy, for the life of me. I can't really remember such a thing, its proper scientific title, didn't matter though. Only the study of the ocean. Yet its depressing, knowing that its all bullshit and garbage in comparison to those who are nobility. A class that learned in months what I had gained in through years. He also informed me that he was into physiology, history, and sociology. Interesting I guess, though still loved him, regardless. It was nifty to heard what they sort of subjects meant. Yet, didn't apply to my tastes.

As for the passionate, up rising, yet interrupted day. Went over to Brourge's bar, usual thing, though this time. I got the jumping surprise on him, after waiting upon the wall of the building. It was such a warm climate out tonight, even if the wind kicked up my red dress. Such a hearted pumping experience between us, my blooming smile enlarging with each second. Knowing what was about to occur. The look on his face, surprised and in shock at my own. Wide eyed, it flourished such a adrenaline through my being. It was unlike anything else. Which indeed, he came out under the overhang's front entrance of the bar. Looking out for me, I would imagine. He should of been on one his toes, on those dancing feet.

As Brourge, walked over to the left side of the bar. Perhaps admiring some of the scenery as the greeted the arriving customers and departing ones. Checking under his shirt's wrist for my arrival. It was the afternoon, got up late, had been in a worse mood then before then I may of realized. Yet right then, with my heart pumping to its max. Sweating, he turned towards the road, as the buses passed. So I lunged at Brourge, he began turning with that priceless wide face and eyes. Until falling onto the gravel spread ground. Or at least we would have completely if not for his fancy footwork. Catching me, in his arms we hugged in mid air. Then before a second went by, he was standing with me. My own feet being allowed to touch the ground after his own. Still wrapped in his arms, feeling the sudden bursting beats from his heart. Though we were stationery for moments. Our faces frozen, as if the cold shuddering wind came through. Which nothing happened of such a thing.

Then our silence, grew, our heats pumped to the extremes together in each other arms. We shared quite the laugher, he admitted at being suspired. Didn't realize he had to worry about me, as I him. I bowed, as he clapped, we just stood around talking. So enjoyable it was to finally get him once, I mean, he's always getting me. It'll take awhile to catch up, as if I really wanted to waste such time. Brought out of that depressive mood of mine for quite some time this day. Carried on ridiculous in my mind for hours, replaying. Again and again, spread throughout the day when he came into my mind.

Our heading was not to the bar, as I assumed. No today, was off into the bar's upper levels, which was a new for me. Going the same route into the back, behind the bartender. Again, through liming those stairs, then into a room near by. Apparently living quarters we where in, he locked the door. I viewed the gravel parking lot from looking down below upon it. We were indeed in the upper floors, though why here and now, I wondered. Still do, but at the time. His touches were all my concerns relied upon, they needed to be satisfied. We continued to have a session, in this dark unite room. Was hoping to be taken, exactly where I stood. Which is what happened.

Up against the glass, as the sun set upon the horizon. He thrusts into my being, as my clothes were literally peeled off my me in seconds without warning or time to react. Every little moan or whimper was a few seconds too late, closing my eyes. His cock, has entered my soaked lips below. Unconditionally spreading my willing self into his all knowing slut. Nope, we didn't have sex, he was unfulfilling in the least. I hate writing this, writing that, but c'mon. It lasted perhaps five minutes at most. His licks were blushing me into such happiness his caresses, but I know hurried his movement upon me. It was not like him, though at the time. Only a stupid moaning girl I was, a plaything in his hands. It just got me, alright. Feeling teased, unfinished, what the hell!!!

I hate it and him, for if he would have been more passionate as he always had been. Why did he have to fucking rush, cheapening the moment. Taking his time, we just sat in the dark, as if waiting. And indeed, the police showed up again, as if he knew along. We must have been waiting for more then 20 minutes or so, looking outside and such for no noise did occur, bastard. They must of just appeared or stealthy approached. We went out the window after they enterd the building, he slid the glass over to the side. Allowing us to climb down off the over hang and escape from the raid. He had gone first, taking down two police officers. Which I was very worried about, since that was a death penalty. If he was ever caught. At least we escaped unharmed, I'm glad for that much. Even having enough time to get fully dressed while talking, so yeah, we could of spoke. Or he could of told me something.

Before the option of asking any question, our farewells were met by the road. He asked that I walked a ways down to the next bus stop, to ensure no implication to this scene. Might end up saving m life, which I smiled graciously in that thought alone. Our tongues twirled, then he ran off in the shadows of the night. Not before a few words and his hand slapping my ass, which he hopped away before I could counter. I won't lie, that was so intense and just thrilling. Running from the police, sneaking about, knocking them out as he did. Then his concern for me, heart blushing, pounding without much else cycling through my mind. Guess, due to a boring life, for the most part. Anything would be an adventure. Then came the downing side of this day with my love, which fell upon me harder then bricks. Creaking me into a pit of rage, the face and eyes only sought within me. How could, that have been allowed. Not even a real question asked, he gets away, just after a few touches in a never ending suspense. The last he told me, was until the 25th, he will be unreachable, so the letters would most likely be the only communication. That tomorrow will only be hate cycling hate.

I got on the buss as he came to halt near by, sitting in one of those emptied seats. Which if anyone was around me, they moved away after getting a look at the traitorous bitch they labeled to be such a thing in the first place. Not my problem, but Brourge is something else. Just can't get away from him, he has such a physiological hold on me. If feels like this is only a game, that I'm still a worthless plaything in the end. That love doesn't exist, that he is not the savoir I once thought. Perhaps I've been thinking this through too much, yet my sense says the same thing. A lot is not being said, the secrets being hidden are the key here. I must know them, that's what I've found must be achieved. Soon, very soon, though for the time being. Must find a way, besides self induced masturbation. More of diversity in playfulness, perhaps that will perk me up from this hate fill depression. I love Brourge, yet, these desires are too much. Time to search around.

Maybe that feeling, my man's ability to sense my feelings. He'll get off that ass of his if this relationship is precious to him. As it is to me, if not, I'll continue to find more people to play with. Even if I am labeled a traitor, does not mean men can ever resist a women. Seen enough of that shit in school. Yeah, it'll be done. Starting today, my search begins. Speaking of partners, I found that the man in that alleyway. When he and his sister tried to force me into, whatever it may have been. Lets say kidnapping, then forced marriage, doesn't matter. Oh, how relived I was, to read that both his sister was in serous condition and he had been found dead. The culprit had not been caught, no leads have been found. I wasn't worried, my sense said so. Even if Brourge wouldn't save me, something else would or is watching from afar. Besides the Iron Moth, perhaps that other thing. Among the roof top of the bar, Brourge's bar, to be precise. That black thing, whatever it may have been. Or, did I miss something, it was watching us. I think, or perhaps my imagination has delusions to. Never the less I'm covered from harm, giggling to myself both inside and out. I had a relaxing ride home. That is until a blockade of police idiots stopped the bus for a search. Some were still coughing, not many though, even the bus driver had been. Perhaps smoking has reached an epidemic or just a few bad cases. I didn't feel anything could disrupt my mood, even the coughers were nice. At least, they were taken and not me, it had the scent of death. Those coughs, then again, when is coughing is good sign.

So we all got off the bus, the ten of us, being frisked by these fucking pigs. Some were hefty, then the bus was searched. The winds picking up, a bit chilly they were. It got me on my exposed legs, I felt horrible for the other passengers too, I mean. Sure, they might be sick or dying, but an hour or two out in these high winds without much clothing is not going to help anything.

They took their time in that search of the bus, no one knew what they sought. Even when the police were asked, again and again. Same old response, I only gave them such a hateful stare. Which, considering my love could have been caught and executed because of these fuckers. Gave me good reason I feel. A few noticed my death stare upon them, yet only one cared to say a word about it. Saying what a disrespectful little bitch, dares give the police such a look. That I ought to be taught a lesson, if not beaten my by spouse. Locked up in the cells for a few weeks with other training in mind. The police made sexual gestures to each other, mainly started by this one before me. Apparently, before he was going to frisk me a bit more. Perhaps one of the officers, a man decided to break up the scene. The one giving me grief waddled away after being talked to by this man. I smiled and thanked him, surely my charm must be a blessing. Again, he suggested that I calm down it'll be a few more minutes. He wasn't half bad of a looker. Though before I could perhaps exchange cell numbers. The search was clear and he ran off.

It sucked, though my smile kept on moving with me. I felt so loved, and valued. Luckily these police didn't realize I was the unholy traitor of the island. Being raped and beaten against my will was not exactly what drove me bananas. Sadly I noticed that good police man, the one who saved me. Had the worst cough of them all there, I mean, it would ne easier to count the nonsickly.

Later in the night, I stopped by the library for a few books to check out for tomorrow. Since my dear wouldn't be around, though I hope his safety was secure. There was still time for the day to roll onto a cheerful side. Now recalling, my beloved was unable to escort me home because of road block was possible. Seems he was right, that would been disastrous if we had gone through what I felt should have been. Considering the circumstances, at least we had time together, he must care about me.

I wasn't going home just yet, and this afternoon, those were around. I said goodbye and they answered back, a bit lightening of the mood. Even now, knowing that we are getting along again. Very soothing, it indeed was, so another for Brourge. I can't fucking get him out of my head, he's always there. Driving a bit nuts. In the library, I forgot why I disliked this place so much. I mean, that's why I studied and read at the bar. There was enough reason to drive me away, before all the traitor stuff came about. It was so beautifully crafted, stocked full of knowledge, and quiet. Then a few paintings just helped everything along with thought after embracing thought. Luckily I had brought my card today to get in, pass the guards and scanners.

Moving into the building itself, I found out why I hated this place. Everyone stared at me as I walked the halls to through different sections. It was enormous, this place, beyond anything I've seen. Besides the mall, but yeah. The mocking fools around her, it was a hangout for them. They already began talking around me, whispering before I could find a seat. Felt such hate, being I had no music player. Couldn't counter their idiotic annoyances as I sat down at a table and had my first book in hand. At least, when in the bar, no one took notice. Not a word about me, no whispers, staring, just some loud noises. Which again, with certain amount of concentration, could block it out if not use a music player.

From afar, those damn bullies, were mingling among themselves. In the small crowd around myself. They watched me, intently from time to time. Yet, ignoring them was much easier then I anticipated. Ocean Biology, had been what I was diving. Suddenly, hours went by, I found myself the only one in that section of the library. Searching about, the only person in the building. As if awaking from a dream, I'd put back my books and gather my materials. So I decided to ask a guard there a question, it was a simple knowledge question. Yet, he was not into conversing much. Our conversation ended, I checked out of the building and found a bus pulling away from the stop. Thus, sighing, went over to the bus pick up. After saying farewell to those at the counter inside. It was much later then I had thought. Looking at a near by clock. So, walking home was the choice taken. Enjoying the fresh air and exercise, lovely it all was. Oddly, been a bit standoffish at the thought of spending time with my whole family.

Soon, the street lights were my sole guide in walking home, so long it was. Tedious, then I had ever anticipated would be. With a simple blink, I appeared at the front door of my home. At first, shock too me over. Standing there in disbelief. Holding my purse, I ensured the house was my own. Then walked inside. Then startled in seconds, yet I wondered why I had been so fearful. Cause, was I doing anything wrong, no, only spooked. Just so num when I came home. How could it be, but my older sister was the one who had been the startler.

Talking then, both sis and I, in the kitchen again. Her man, passed out on the floor. We just shared a few laughs, being both father and mother were sleeping. She puked in the sink at the end, though a wonderful conversation. Which being in that up mood, I wrote it.

I'm sure whatever happened, getting home, in seconds after being four miles away. Must be part of Brourge's awakening talk. Must be improving, I am.

Pleasant Dreams to myself, ha!

February 18, 2137UH

Brourge had informed me the day before that our meeting would be impossible. Assuming the police chasing after him or more so, would be the reason. Most likely his hiding something even greater. In fact that's exactly what hes doing, why do I allow his shadow movements to go unnoticed like this. Its sickening, what's worse then being alone today, without Brourge. Jenny being missing still, which burdens me more then anything else. It's the fact, I feel...old. Hate that word, better then saying unfit, unworthy, unattractive. Which was how, this morning. All morning, was the main reason why I saw Brourge avoiding me. It was a determination all day. Couldn't get it off my mind. That's what consumed me for hours one end. Which, instead of making friends elsewhere or reading such precious books of wisdom. I sat in my room, that damn house, listening to my families unsettling noises. Until convincing myself otherwise. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I really need to know.....

With most of the day spent, gone, and unrenewable. I just satyed in the libreay. Reading my diray on happier days. Which put my mood upright. Cheerful, watching the sun set in the distence, hours after arriving. By walking the entire way there. Yeah, needed the space, felt horrible beforehand. Still surprised to have been able to convice myself, what happened last night. Was connected and because of Brourge. Not part of my freakish self, that is was a valublae trait, proof of my powers awkaneing and growing within. Well.....as I mentioned, it worked. I have convined myself, though to hear his words would bring me further. Cheer me into utter desire and blood pumping, following unlimited energy. At least the library was quiet for once, very people moving about.

Again, I sat there, reading. Imagining Brourge here and now. But, nothing happened, even the thought got me horny. Yeah, my blood did rise, the thought of being respected left hastily.

Meeting that very same security guard from the night before. I asked him another question, he tried to redirect me to the desk. Being I was still sitting down, I got up, making sure this area of the library was empty. Then asked of him, for his services, as my right hand touched his chest slightly. I also swaded my hips from side to side, even giving him the right looks. His face blushed out, not sure if anyone really saw or noticed. So I continued to caress his chest through the security guard uniform. So thin it had been, his skin underneath was easily felt with my touch. Not like he was built or anything. Just a much younger, lightly skinned, blond haired man. Taller then myself and rather dashing, except for the duel lazy eyes.

He stuttered, whispering to me with his hand cupped so only we could hear one another. It was quite cute, I perked up a smile. He asked if I could wait a little while, so the livery would be a bit more empty. We could have a chat then, he winked at me, smiling himself. I nodded and sat back down. We exchanged glances more then a few times. Though I couldn't believe it worked, such a charm, guess I should use this more often. Besides its so fun, just seeing their reactions alone are enough.

Then those bullies from yesterday and others, connected to the crowd and not connected came into the library. They watched me from afar. Then finally came over, three of them. Others followed not far behind, though stayed out of sight or inconspicuous as possible. As if waiting for something. The first, was a midget, way smaller then myself. He or she, carried long hair of a blue dyed color. Fully ,near my age, built muscle pulsating body, and a row of small thin hairs below her nose. Wearing a sports jersey and shorts.

The next had been a petite looking tramp, short brown hair above her neck, and skinny as they come without dying. Yet her young face was a funhouse of mirrors, long dripping thin nose. Eyebrows nearly gone, eyes very wide and open as if no eyelids at all. Her mouth's bottom lip came out pass the top. Just was odd and creepy to me. That's all, was then and is now.

Then their ring leader, a bald blond haired man. His beard and mustache were thick, fuzzy would not take it. They combined into one another, forming a loop around his mouth. Everything else was very clean and cut for him.

Their approach was clam, then it became violent. As the security guard near by, lazy eyes, kept his eye on me. And them, the little one of muscle came up to me and grabbed the books from my hand. Before I could even speak, their little posse moved in. Knocking everything they could onto to the floor. A riot nearly, then the trio of bullies, my ex friends, began to argue. The little one ripped my book in half that I was reading from the library. The security gaurds acted in trying to control the ruckus. I got up from my seat and backed up toward the wall and window, fearing the worst was to come. That bald guy, can't remember any of their names. We were not the closest of friends, obviously I'd have to say.

It was to loud to hear anything, soon the bald one, stared death into me. With the other two close by, doing the same. Everything suddenly quieted down, but that bald bastard kept his gazed until out of my sight completely, past the window and everything. I helped clean up and talked with the security guard as well. Discussing what happened and why. Well, hours later, the security guard and I talked at the table. I was in no mood to read anymore anyhow. As night consumed us inside the building.

Eventually we were flirting and so on, though nothing more then some tag games in the library. Harmless fun, such a wondrous sensation to see how another man felt as our hands touched. Different sounds, feelings, thought pattern entirely. Absolute atmosphere reversal, when compared to my lovely Brourge. However, the sense of desire for my being was unmistakably strong. As from any male, as I'm concerned with, thus far. Besides my new friend, lazy eyes, Henzin Wordiry. Soon, the time was coming close so the fun had it end approaching.

The light shaded lady at the front desk of this very library. Was a women in her early years, wore an bleach brown cheap wig, heavy makeup, green small purse, and thin white see through gloves. Which all went matching her long dark brown one piece dress and high heel shoes. A silver necklace rested comfortably in the dress among the bra. Speaking of which she was a smaller women. About my height, yet smaller breasts and larger ass. She was readying to leave, seen this before, hasn't changed. Even if its been a year, though her name is still unfamiliar. Though was working here ever since I discover this place as a safe haven. Then later a noise machine.

Then, someone from the corner of my eyes. An older man, with a very familiar smell, came walking over. Rich spoke from him Someone had already begun shutting everything down. As usual, though he, this man was not. His large black trench coat, the flaps around the collar covered his face completely. Only that dark colored hair peered upward, he was checking out for the day more of less. As the light from outside had been the illumination into the room from outside the building, shining from the streetlight outside the windows. Though Henzin waved to the man, calling him by the name of George. Who turned into the dark, waving back, commenting on our little situation. Saying youth was truly wasted on the young, we all sort of laughed. Then George left, his face unseen in dark, yet a odd shaped watch was visibly seen and shined upon his wrist. Mysterious, though soon Henzin's hands grasped my thighs again.

So I got a hold of him, asking if we could leave for the time. He agreed, seeing the lights were gone and the time past. The lady at the desk had been waiting at the door for us, seems everyone else had already gone without my notice. After gathering all my things and moving out to the door. Signing out on the sheet. Henzin touched my ass slightly as he went out the door before me. I followed grinning all the way. The lady then locked up, giving us such a smug look. It just could be felt off her, strong too. Frigid feeling indeed as the temperature was way way up since before last.

As we all separated our destinations being varied greatly. I waved and laughed with Henzin as we departed. Riding the bus home, with such cheerfulness dwelling. Arriving home, everyone had been off to bed. Except for my older sister, in which case we had a delightful discussion before herself passing out. Though that husband of hers were no where to be seen. Must be at his or their home. Yet their fights have been going on forever, which is why she stays with us. In any case, I helped my sis to her room near my own. From which, into the diary for the night. Writing this here entry in full.

Yet I couldn't help but feel everyone knew I was a freak. So ugly I am.... These scars, they were seen fully, they had to be. I was having so much fun, in the library yesterday, they were visible.

At least Henzin, would be there during the week, get me away from both Brourge and Jenny.

Hopefully, he'll do the trick. My family has such a sad path in life, its not entirely their faults though. Its society, I believe in that much. Things will soon change, such a feeling is developing....within me. Brourge suddenly took hold before the night was through.

February 23, 2137UH

Hope filled me this morning as I rode to the library, my mind knew Brourge was gone for the day. However I didn't allow myself to believe it for some reason or another. He swam through my whole being since I rose from my bed and all the way until reaching an empty table in the usual section where I've been going here since Monday. Henzin, being there again and again, until today. Yet, Brourge has never left my mind in the least, its way to complicated, hes always there now. Now matter how much I try to escape, must be my heart mind and soul. I have allowed him to enter, I've never not blushed when my love's appeared. Yet haven't seen in a whole week, why now? Guess, my desire grows for him within....even if our contact is never managed in the realm of reality.

Yet during the week, he never came to mind. Besides looking at the gifts from his own to me. Which were the main source of pleasant memories of Brourge into myself. Again other then that, nothing more of such feelings. Only a switch moment, unable to sleep in my own bed. Uncomfortable night on Tuesday. A jingle heard on Wednesday, for like five minutes straight then nothing. It was odd, just like that dagger appearing...again and again. This awakening process is much harder, then it seemed. Yet anything to both become greater and be loved.

The of course, the usual being harassed for my skin and race by those of the island community and being commented my Asian pale skin. Which I don't understand either, why I am like that. When the other Asian types seemed much darker shaded. Yup, that was the week, it was so lovely.

Well enough about the depressing matters, more no on the fine development. That occurred this very day!....as with more disturbing news for the plot of conspiracy around my life.

While being out at the library, there was my friend Henzin had disappeared. Mainly checking the information of our society to that of Brourge's stories. He was right so far, they went to great lengths in hiding everything from culture, race, religion, but why?. I wondered and pondered for hours on end, trying to figure it out. I needed more of the puzzle, like what I sought before all this go mixed up. With Brourge and the family, Jenny being lost, etc.

Then, those bullies again. There and then, across the from afar, their noise disturbed me from my reading through the words of knowledge. Looking up, then a familiar voice was sounded among that little trio. Or four of a kind, that is what got me. There was a significant forth among that little traitorous bastards. A women, shorter then myself, with long long braided hair. Seeing this, I rose and started to approach their table. My eyes were lying I thought, for it was Jenny, wearing so much makeup. It had to be her, but calling her name at that moment. Her eyes, face, spoke such surprise and horror. Then we were in a chase. Never ending it was, I flew as she had already flown. Leaving everything else behind. Thoughts, ideals, materials, nothing else mattered at all. Only tears and Jenny. Who ran and ran, we must of skipped through the entire city on the island.

Before long, only the memory of my screaming Jenny's name into the alleyways and streets. Doing so again and again, my tears dried onto my face. I couldn't stop, couldn't let go. I just sat in an alleyway as people walked on by upon the sidewalk. Everything going about its business, the usual, except for my best and only true friend. Seems to appear, fearful, scared, running, non responsive. Why the fuck would she be doing such a thing! Why would be laughing and chatting among my bully full of exfriends! How come the missing list still carried her name, yet she appeared during daylight! What the fuck is going on.

My head spun for hours on end, without stopping much if at all.

Finding myself lost in the city, I went on forward and walked back to the library. As the sun began to dip over the horizon.

Back at the library, unable to get in the way I left. Had to get in through the front, talk with the lady at the front desk. Then grab myself before the disappointing, confused, and unstable walk home. Noticing my stuff was gone, I asked the lady at the desk and she instructed me to the back of that library. That an older gentleman would have my belongings. Walking through the empty tables and silent books seated sections. With no others around, for my eyes to have seen. I found the older gentlemen. Wearing a watch of unique construction, shape, coloration that brought back curiosity.

The same man of rich smelling clothing and other odors, of nobilityy. Sat before me with my backpack and purse near by. In his little department, room, whatever it may have been. I came in, he was hard with his work. Writing, filling out forms, checking books in and out. Or whatever it may have been, soon our eyes caught. His name, was George Ganst, of the Ganst Family. A noble family of noble families, the world over. In the history of the UHEG, from our lords, Ganst, was ranked in the highest of the high. I was actually with, met, talked, flirt, and made quite the friendship with George. Such an honor pleasure overall, really brought me up again, out of that suffocating pit that held me so dearly. Even when he asked me to sit down, so they could talk. He was interested in me, what my deal was. Many rumors, yet very little truth, he stated. Oddly, it went so fast, I sort of blacked out a few times.

Learned something unique about George, he was a Mexican. Whatever that meant, though after looking it up in that book from Brourge on cultures it had been one of the many in the past North American continent. Only across the ocean from where we lived, from Sperack Island.

My mind, only consumed itself with George, everything that he was. I wanted to know more.....

Then, I nearly began to beat myself, without rest in this room at home and on the walk home. What the hell was I doing, playing around behind Brourge's back. I will not destroy something great for a could be lasting only a moment. So in the end, the day fell upon self frustration and disappointment. At least, Brourge be here to hold me close. Perhaps Jenny could be found by him. Maybe, he'll come around when I need him most.

Can only hope.

February 24, 2137UH

What a disappointing and uncomfortable day, its been. Firstly, Brourge was busy yet again. Not a peep from him except for our little letters too and from one another. That came yesterday, I'd not been told or given such a thing till morning. Apparently my folks didn't want to know Brourge and I were together. Only later did I find, my older sister took the letter from the pile before my folks were able to get their hands on it. So my secretive relationship was save, for now, if they find out. I bet, they'll turn me into the Island Community for traitors activates, disobeying the laws, who knows what else. I'm not sure if I would be willing to attack anyone who tried to stop me from escaping. It might be to much in handling at once.

In the letter, he wrote me such wondrous thoughts. Trying something called self bondage, or would try. He gave me some detailed instructions, what I needed, and how to apply through enjoyment. Which was imagination, playing with my own being, thus bringing myself to climax.

Again, nothing more then a thought, though at least he thought of me. Still does, even my wellbeing. With cops, was there any history between them and I. Which not that I was aware.

We also spoke of the book, I have now, which is what I read most of the day. Before leaving.

There's a problem, I don't feel I'll be able to trust anyone from this point on. Thanks Jenny, you've done so much. Why do I still cry when your in my mind, when you have no desire for us to ever speak or be near one another again. Bitch, why, why has my world fallen apart.

With that, I left the house again , since already being at the bar looking for my love. I decided to move on by my lonesome. I would have time to myself, maybe find something. Going to the library to cool off would be the most logical solution but George was there. Perhaps even Henzin, may have returned. Just want to be alone, think things over. Filled with frustrated rage, I must release it somehow. Nothing made sense anymore, if the UHEG was a puppet, what does that even mean anymore? That everything is meaningless?

Suddenly I found myself behind the bar, the silo, and finally at that cave's mouth. Frightened at first, yet I was clam when going in. It soothed me walking down those steps, unlike last time I'd been here, no feeling of losing consciousness. Not even a blinking eye, clear beyond my own belief the view had been. It felt wrong being there this afternoon, without Brourge, but I wondered why this teleporting thing within me. Why my true self, brought me here. A reason had been what I was looking for. Which, after being there, I've found no reason.

Though overall quite enticing me in another sense. I felt it before, or at least felt I'd have done so in another time or life. So onwards, toward one of the pools of water. I started to undress myself, wanted to go for a swim, perhaps something mystical might occur or whatever. Then upon jumping in, it was not water that splashed. Maybe not even or liquid based, nothing seemed to describe it. However for its was as if a light blue sky cloud. There was no need to breathe either, I stopped after going so deep and was able to talk with myself aloud. Couldn't hear much though when doing so, then I looked up. Trying to see the light as it settled onto the surface. The reflections were that of water, yet it was much clearer. No matter that amount I swam, descending, or even ascending. I stayed at the same placed in this blue cloud pool. It was becoming a bit distressing. Suddenly, I was frightened again. When seeing something flash by in the more foggy areas of that cloud pool. Something came from above me, of someone being standing above the pool. It was an object floating down. As I watched cautiously, taking a closer look, it was a dagger. A familiar one at that, the very same I've seen in those visions. It began to drift near me, when it continued downward, as if hinting something. Not sure what that particular thing had been. Still I tried reaching out to grab hold, as I haven't done in the past. It hastily shot straight down into the unseen waters below me and remained were unreachable. Revealing a foggy waterish trail in the cloud that did not come my dagger, yet something else continued to move erratically.

Part of me within myself, froze in an instant, while being masked by both curiosity and penetrating fright. It below, in that foggy murk swirled up. Expanding darkness at the very bottom, allowing such a thing to seep through. In that unseen, my spine shivered as something looked back into my eyes as I theirs. Mixes of excitement with fear grew even more so then before. Not knowing what to do, I found a ledge on the pools wall. Climbing inside, watching with suspense taking hold as something came out of that darkness below. Shifting the waters, in a single jolt, fish blasted right up and out by me. As I peered out a bit more, there were shades of fish shooting out from the darkness and out the opening. It was such an amazing sight, they were just continuously disappearing out of the very opening I came in from. A large creature flashed before my eyes, it just floated there while I withdrew into the crevice again.

A huge fin upon its mid backside titled backwards. Two smaller fins upon its left and right underside, each of the three were as that of razors. Such a massive tail swung from side to side and was quite wide just as its body had been. Flesh as that of scales melted into plates covered every inch, a noise pointed downwards into a hook. Eyes were none existent until its month opened. As its gaping jaws twisted, as that of a spiral, it broke into dozens of peeled back rows of teeth. Revealing several upon several pairs of eyes lining next to each tooth. Myself , pretending to be with one with the rocks, around me I made a mistake. While looking down its throat, there peered a darkness, I felt what the future held for my life.

Never the less my eyes stayed on the sight of this beast of nightmarish creatures as it stayed in place, starring me right back. I suppose neither of us could look away, were we amazed with the other. Perhaps I was wrong in my suspicions or I've lost my mind. It only opened its month again and again staying in place, those eyes looking at me. Then part of me felt to touch such a beast, these fingertips of mine almost made contact upon its lower lip. Yet, it went swimming away up into then opening above before I had much of a chance. But I now was out of that little crevice and tried to get out myself. Was unable, however, something seemed to hold me down as before.

Was it just as frightened as me, had there been something missed. Then the bottom, foggy unseen water still swirled about. perhaps something else was a coming, so I waited. Something larger then a massive fish seemed to form its shape below. Then never came up to greet me, so I waited determined even shouted my knowingness. Still nothing came up from that mysterious place below. It just seemed to be the current, even though another part my being knew otherwise. Suddenly, looking up I saw it, darker then any shadow, there had been no opening in sight above. Something had been that massive. At first I didn't know what to think, maybe it was few rocks caving in on me. Which would had been much more believable and hopeful to have happened., No, it turned out to be something else entirely.

Long tentacles became a curtain to my surroundings, both the sight and identity of the pools rocky interior became nonexistent. I only stayed in place, there was no thought of escaping, for it seemed to be the very pool itself. Perhaps I may have been swimming in it this entire time. Don't recall, that went through my mind, there was enough to know it was not a enemy. Just the unknown from what I know a bit from within myself. Of course, I blacked out, waking in my bed, warm under the covers. With my book still open, it was darkened outside in the night, that of even a sun rising into the morning. Was it all a dream, so real it had been. It had to be, nothing else could explain it, but how moved me home. Brourge, Jenny, myself?

Also have decided not to tell Brourge about this either. It did solve this mood of mine, which sent me there, felt so much grander then I have remembered last. Hopefully Brourge with I would be able to meet today, The last day of our possible meetings. We had a lot to talk of.

Just thinking of him got me excited, I played to his voicey beat, his commanding lead. Those rough dirt filed hands caressing me, finally thrusting that hardened member of his below. Oh, the moans, beyond anything, soaking in my own satisfaction. I think, less then five minutes and I already climaxed. So I did it one more time, before getting up for the day It was morning after all.

February 25, 2137UH

Finally the end of this month, searching my thoughts. I recall something exciting that Brourge enlightened me about. It was, something about a treat during the end of each month. I'm sure of it, forgot last month. Then again perhaps something did happen back at such a time, when the month ended and we saw our last meeting through. I've been pondering all morning what treat it would be. At the house, adjusting my glasses, on the bus, my smile and mind alike popped wide open. Trying to anticipate Brourge's treat of treats this time around. Along with the simple thought of not being mistaken then around either, wouldn't the first.

Upon getting to the bar in the early morning, it being empty in the parking lot. I walked up, in through the swinging doorway. Only to find myself locked in bondage of arms. Then our lips, spun into the others. Soon tender kisses that held both passion and lust, filled us. I only opened my eyes once during such a time. In the dark corner of that bar, near the entrance. That hourglass hole in his face was all the proof I needed to just going with it. Minutes we held one another against the wall. Then bumped heads when trying to leave together out the very same. Regarding such a arousing moment, I would have to prefer such a thing. Just getting down to business, how is that not more enticing then having to always talk about each move before that very move.

We ventured toward the silo, I was very keen on awareness this day. Had to try to be one step ahead of Brourge on this warm day. With a nice pair of tight red pants, red sandals, comfortable fitting green checkered shirt. With a large red unzipped sweater, I felt more then set for the warm weather. Just as its always been in February, should be for the next many months. Warm, I noticed nothing was out of the ordinary. Only a dry dirt landscape and mud laid before us, as we spoke to one another. He commented on my clothing style, it was not the first but he caught my interest this time around. Gabbed my ass, considering the tightness, or he could read my mind. Not sure, but his chuckling caressing comments was about myself without any panties.

Then we talked of the reward in a vague manner of speaking, I agreed to most of it. He did his little thinking, staring in the distance. I worried not, we had a safe word, though its not in my mind right now. I'll remember it when needed, just time to relax with my man, enjoy the moment, and most of all live. Our safe word wouldn't be used unless I'm about to basically die, he knows just as I. Then again, his awareness is beyond myself, knows everything anyhow. No worries, in the end.

There was a howling wind today, luckily no skirt was on today. Or it would have been blown up and off, not as I would mind Brourge. However, when going home would be a problem, most defiantly. Soon we were in the silo, though advised keeping my shoes on, I tried to figure it out all the more. Eventually we were on the silos top railing, coming over to a large metal plank reaching out into nowhere. He had a long cord in hand, one end attached to the silo's wall. The other rolled in his fingers. Then looking me up and down, he seemed very serious in his looking myself over. I asked him what and he wanted, he only stated that I turn around, grab the railing until instructed otherwise.

I did just that, while talking about my clothes being a bit too tight. Soon both my feet were flung into the air over his shoulder. In which, caused me to scream continuously without that thought of stopping or it being planned out. The bastrard was about to throw me over the damn railing! Exactly the words that echoed within my being, again and again. Yet knowing it was Brourge, why would I even think of him doing such a thing. Simply put, he's surprising like that and he indeed threw me over the damn railing. So I screamed curing him just the same.

There I was falling, further and further, but something amazing happened. Well, never did the ground touch me. In fact, I was catapulted back up then fell downwards again. Marvelous would most certainly decide the feeling within at that time. Just the pressure all around myself, the lack of any gravity, being pulled up then down. Awesome, it was, even now I try to mimic the sensational experience. When I finally stopped, just hanging in the air by that cord around my feet. Trying to take in all that just happened in a more positive outlook. For, besides that fucking fact of him pushing me over. I really enjoyed this, bungee jumping, oh yes. Nothing like it besides the activity itself, could compare in the excitement.

Both hoping and waiting for Brourge to get up back up over the railing. It never happened, was a waste. The cord, little by little, began to crackle and snap. I shouted for my lover. He said not a word, nor made a sound, not even in sight. Looking around the empty plot of air that surrounded me, I found myself fucked. With the snap upon that cord, then a swift plummeting down to the hard ground. I once again screamed my little head off. Who wouldn't I'd assume, with panic at their side. Reaching a ending that I found intriguing my inner self more then ever before. Brourge caught me, us both falling onto his bottom. Dirtying up his already rough looking blue jeans.

At first, so lovely it was to have been saved by my love. Then I realized the bastard had been the reason I got stuck there in the first place. So I began to beat the hell out of him, mainly mildly pounding on his chest. Saying things like, he should have been up there making sure then never happened, or I would get hurt, did he care about me. The rest of the cord fell upon us finally, during that little our bust of mine. Every time he tried to speak, I ensured he wouldn't be able. Considering I was not kneeling over him, no longer in his arms. Perhaps that may have contributed his inability to speak. In an instant, he was atop of me, shoving my face into the dirt. It both surprised and filled such fear into me. To have been overturned, so easily, after I've beaten him senseless for minutes on end. He first asked was I clam enough, I nodded, while my breathe still heavily grew. He then asked me to think about what happened. How he could catch me without much time to get all the way to the bottom of the silo. How he was able to overturn my grasp upon him with such ease.

Brourge let me go after my mind tinkered with the facts, trying to understand. Surely, Brourge is not of this world, but he insisted I had nothing to fear. For I too was destined to be the same, he would see to it. That my sense screamed of such a thing, that he was comforting. He was absolutely right about everything. Even now, my heart pounds for those tender touches of my loves. I really can't explain what it is, but I sat next to him in the dirt mud. There we spoke of Jenny. How long I knew her, our friendship, first day her and I met. It was a convincing talk, enough to even persuade my feelings toward Jenny. Soothing, truly this moment had been, what I sought. Is it not destiny that my savoir give me such release from suffering. Perhaps I've had Brourge all wrong. Jenny might be gone, but she's tough, we have our memories. He mentioned this again, as he apparently has been doing so. Take a positive outlook on life, treasure the little things you have, grow when able to expand effectively.

Brourge and myself headed to the cave from there, around at the silo's base. Which his grin also appeared, I knew full well that something surprising was a com'n. Just leading me to sparkle and giggle in such anticipation on our trail. Besides the whole Jenny buzz had been fresh in my mind, he twirled at the center. Thus putting me in a cheerful mood overall, considering all that was happening my life. To be cheerful, I must rely on Brourge, or have felt more near himself. I mean, again not sure. It might just be fluttering love.

Reaching the cave's main base, afar from the steps. Near those cloud pools, which I kept coming here recently to myself. Continuing on as if nothing ever happened at all. We were together, though seeing my pants were a bit dirty, I began undressing. Brourge made some racket, without his voice, just those hands. With the expressing a "no" through a shaking head. So rolling down my shirt again, he motioned I follow. Again, we were off one an adventure. While talking all the while. But my mind got sidetracked more then once. From darkness to light, mysterious clouds, colored surrounds, animals, stone statues, tunnels, sinking sands, and ladders going both up and down. Mystifying, yet we only spoke to one another, myself close to he. As if this was normal, not to me of course. C'mon, this is no ordinary cavern, passageways leading to realms of insanity.

Our conversation, seemed to be centered around my non violent stance in life. Yet, I still beat the hell out of him on the ground outside. I explained myself, briefly. Then he came up with the man I stomped to death in the alleyway. Which I tried to deny, ashamed to actually have to admit it. He knew, it was heard purely in his voice, that confidence. I sort of stayed silent afterwards. I believe, a tear so even ran down my face at that moment. Face glowing red, I wanted to argue, but already knew my dearest could see such things. That something else happened, his words of reassuring comfort, that it was only a controlling trick. That our society's leaders try to employ to fully control the inferior. At least in their minds, we're most certainly inferior. Ranging from intelligence to abilities, regardless they say who is a commoner and who isn't. It was a depressing conversation to start, yet he added. The simple fact, of controlling your violent side, know when to and not to use it. That's all one needs to not fear himself or others, realize it exists. Accept it, then control such a thing for being a natural part of who you are. These were his exact words. I must remember them, there is a feeling they'll prove very useful later on.

As we continued this endless journey into the unknown tunnels of this interwoven cave. I asked questions, that were never answered with words. We only moved onward, again and again. Felt so powerless and weak, fearful I might pass out, ruining the mood, I wanted to know something concrete. Never did I think of, what if we got separated, would be able to find me? Or would I be capable of getting back without him in such a case arose. Because if I made too much of a fuss, he would simply tell me or more of ask. Did I trust his judgment, then after nodding things would continue as they were before. So yeah, I followed till we reached the destination. "Here we are!", finally my love's voice echoed in the large cavern before us.

After surveying the surrounding area, adjusting my glasses more then once, I found it be a one of kind sight. Firstly, I've never really been a cave explorer before, thus never seen the speckles witness in such enormous things. Secondly, just didn't look all that natural anymore. Elegant carvings all along the walls, ceiling, and floors. Which held the motionless creatures, plants, planets, and humans alike. All in harmony, it seemed, all following a small stream down the middle of the room. While in the astonishing grasp that was the room's interior lining. My love asked me something odd, which gave me then as it does now, evidence.

What took me so long to get into this room, wasn't he nearly losing me in that maze of tunnels. Which Brourge was leaving me behind every chance he got, thus my worry before had been about. Then his words of enlightenment, why didn't I just think my way there instead of making my way there? Was his question, my flashing ability he was referring to. Thus included not only did he know about that somehow, but also it was indeed normal during one' s awakening. Yet before I could ask anything else. He asked me if I ridden a horse before, I shook my head. We had this sort of topic going in the letters, a while back though. It wasn't important to me in writing in these pages so I declined its very existence. However, I've never even seen a horse, let alone ridden one. He already had known that in advance, so I should of seen what was coming.

Though more to the "thinking I'm there" sort of comment from my love. Was it that simple? Does one have to only think it, for such a thing to become reality? It couldn't be, he didn't explain anymore beyond that. Unfortunately enough, I must think about that particular aspect, being whatever we are. We could be the chose Iron Moth saviors, or even more, superiors. Perhaps this is how it felt to be noble. Yes, its very very possible, isn't it. Maybe I should wait for my lovely to explain further at one point, which he'll do so. I just need some patience, another aspect in life he treasures greatly.

Before I knew was happening at the time, considering I had been pondering the thought of that comment of his. "think I'm there", it consumed every portion of my being. When returning to realization, there were two horses before me. Including my love in the middle of them. Which he further explained their names to me. The on his right, nearest to him was Weels Foigikt Ooric, a past desert trader of all he could grasp. From animals, objects, plants, people, food, etc. He met his end while asleep one night, while he was interrupted from his slumber by being trampled upon by his own horse. It was by accident of course, however, the horse got spooked and suddenly began to drag Weels to his death, so he killed the very horse that later killed him in an unnamed desert in the Middle East.. Because it fell over his being, trapping him, until starvation, infection, suffocation, and dehydration set on. Thus, was trapped in the horse's body with the soul of his former comrade, which he used to torture for liquor. For eternity, they've lived together in this cave for centuries upon centuries. Or at least that was the story of his chosen horse.

Naturally, I believe the Middle East was both mentioned in that book from my dearest. It was on the mainland of Asia, on the lower east potion, which connected Asia and Africa. Or Section 1 and Section 2 or 4, can't really recall at the moment. I'm a bit lazy in getting up and looking at a UHEG map of the world. As for liquor, it was something, that I disliked though his expression seemed to feel I didn't know a thing about that term. So I decided to point towards the horse on his left side, which began walking towards me. After of course getting a more precise deception on Weels. Lets see, gazing upon such a beast, Weels. Largely built, thin haired, darkly shaded and striped patterned fur. A long extended thin tail, narrow pointed and rounded off nose, scars on sides as with all over his body, some furless spots where scars were laid. As I was also later told of the abuse to Weel's horse, in which he perceived with pleasure in such horrible acts.

Now onto the one who chose me as the rider for that evening. It had been lightly shaded, smaller horse then Weels, a branding on its side, very long thick haired in a fluffy puff manner mainly in its mane and tail. With a small yet wide nose, large spotted pattern grasped such a beast. Brourge further explained. The branding was of the owner and or partner of such a beast, a human, they come to be known as Zodjau Ion Sfre. Very bonded they were and lived in North America, he reminded me where this was according to the UGEG's mapping. Though yes a tribe in those lands had a man and horse be as one, they depended on each other for the others survival. They met their end in a battle between foreign forces from the seas, there was no real contest or hope for a victory, their technology surpassed the tribes man and horse. Dying together on the battle field they molded into one and here they stand before us. They were free spirits in every sense of the words meaning.

Must admit I loved Zodjau, the horse that found me to be a pleasant riding for the day.

Such a spectacle of passion and the bond that was present between them, I then came upon a pondering thought which also left before I could ask, even now it's troublesome to recall. Why did these people become souls in this particular cave, I mean, Brourge explained to me in grave detail they had been across the world and in a unnamed desert. Why here, why this place, did they have something others do not possess?

Then Brourge added to race me, I jumped for joy and forget what I was going to say. Not to mention didn't know what it meant to race a horse.

I'll have to remember such a thing for the next time we meet.

From which we continued now upon our horses of their choosing, myself on Zodjau Sfre and Brourge rode Weels Ooric. The path was led by Brourge and Weels, we just trotted around the horses area, spotting others that stood around in nearby tunnels I was quite amazed by how many there were, they were such adorable gentle creatures. I was informed by Broruge about how the souls of those who awakened from the cave were longed to live eternally here within, which I had forgotten and was reminded. Then we came to a halt, asking why we were just standing there, Brourge told me to pay attention to the horses we rode, their eyes were locked onto each other, both completely frozen, as we stood there, side by side, was Brourge ever grinning his grin. It was a sure sign of something coming upon us soon.

WAM! Both horses were off, slamming into one another, jumping from one angel in attempt to ram the other, I fell down several times in this ravishing face off. I was frightened from falling off while Brourge was not, instead he was shorting his head off and enjoying the ride.

We stopped again, I was breathing heavily and bleeding from one of my pants, Brourge saw me and my face, thus explaining to me that the bleeding wound was nothing as the same went with the torn clothing. However I informed him it was not the problem at all, more of I was shocked at what took place, such unexplained violence was portrayed here and why are we riding these creatures if they're just going to fight, how can we control them? After that little comment I was shook off by Zodjau, landing upon the rocks, Brourge was shaking his head as he also got off of Weels, his horse, walking over to me as I got myself back up to my feet. He explained I had insulted them, they might be in the form of horses, yet their greater life forms then what they appear, just like him and myself. As for what had occurred earlier, the russle between these animals, it was nothing more than a shake off and burn the past rivalry before the race, which I ruined at that point.

Asking him what was going to happen now, he just walked away and I again followed his trail. We entered one the tunnels, from which the horses had seemed to already fled into the darkness. Which I was not surprised by my actions toward their fellow friends, at least that was the way it would appear by their disappeared behavior, oddly I didn't feel any way about such a thing, being rude or not. I just had to remember was all, nothing more, though the use of my legs reminded me of the cut that I sustained by the horses colliding conflict of brutality. Looking up at the ceiling, Brourge told me to hurry and grabbed my arm, pulling me along. Fixed upon the designed above us, I was shuttered when he suddenly announced we were at another location of interest.

Looking where we just left, not even a few minutes ago, the location was gone, the statues, designs were all different. Puzzled was the word that described me at this present point in time, which Brourge again had to explain, what he does in the sake of me, just rattles me with such affection.

Again the whole thought thing, if you want to be there you are, once again I was unable to really follow at all, more of comprehend what he was actually saying. In any case we continued onward, there was only darkness, I watched as Brourge walked on and fell forward into a hole sort of thing, I heard his feet clapped upon rocks so I didn't worry much more of curiosity and making sure I didn't fall in. From moving to the edge and looking into the darkness below I saw him and he was looking straight up at me, the lights suddenly flared upon us. I was wide eyed at his smile to me, asking me to join him down before in the arena, which it was, just natural carved rock formation sort, not the metal type we always used at a sport event.

Beginning to slide myself down into the hole a I was shouted at by Brourge, which was a rare event to occur so I got back up the ledge and jumped into the arena as I was told to do so. He walked forward and I saw I had inconstantly jumped into a ring, while he was in another ring on the other side of such a hole, or more of a oval shaped hole, I was shouted at by my love to be ready.

Went completely over my head and I lost sight of Brourge entirely, soon his knee was in my gut, he stopped his assault and I waddled backward holding my bruised gut, moaning slightly and asking him why. From which I got no even an ounce of sympathy for the suffering I've now been forced to endure, all he told me was suck it up that this was fight for the prize and the only way I would be able to make it is if I tried. From which I tried to breath in deeply to clam myself and I decided to give up, he punched me back into the wall, I came at him will full force and punched him in his jaw, I went beyond him and turned to face him again in my defensive stance, he shifted his jaw a bit and held his hands behind his back then continued to walk towards me, tilting his head to the left and right, switching continuously. It freaked me out, so I backed up and he lunged forward and I threw a left swinging kick forward, importunely he stopped himself and kneeled under my attack upon him. With only one of his bare hands he grabbed me, lifted me up and kicked me in mid air into one of the walls.

Blood flowed down onto my cloths, so I took them off, all of them that I was able in such a short time, leaving only panties and shoes. and wiped away the blood that bled from my arms, chest, and face. Before charging him down, the dagger appeared near him, which gave me hope so I focused my energy on that goal of obtaining such a thing to equal the battlefield. I realized I was not getting worse as the fight continued, more of myself awakening from within and also, such a damn high it was. I was fluttering off the ground as I ran towards the dagger, swear it had been so, loved every minutes of it, a beast beginning to purr before the inevitable roar and bite! Haha!

My hand reached for the dagger, keeping my eyes on Brourge who also was grinning just as I found myself doing, as much as this had been a contest it was purely enjoyment. Though what he did was astonishing as always, a single pounce and he held me in the air by both my neck and hand nearest to the dagger, telling me over and over again that it had been an out of bounds to ask for ascendance beyond your own physical limitations. Crashing to the ground, rubbing my face slightly then released me, I got up staring him down as he smiled, saying that now I was worthy of the title of a dirty whore. Though before he was able to finish his little smart comment of me I surprised him. Throwing all my weight into my elbow into his knee cap, I heard it snap and he fell to the ground onto all fours, he said no sounds of pain.

Told Brourge who was the bitch now, out of my foolish confidence, which I heard another snap. Upon performing a downward kick while he was on his back he rolled under me again before I could stop and grabbed hold of my leg out of the air. With the other hand, he slammed it into my leg while twisting my leg onto its side. Pain shot through me as if a bullet, I fell to the ground on my butt grabbing hold of my snapped leg, screaming out in pain, crying a bit.

Finally I stopped my bickering and gave up the fight, so Brourge got up from the ground and walked over to me. He wiped the blood away from my wounds, saying, if I didn't want my kneecap snapped or shattered would it not have been a polite thing to leave his intact. Made sense....from there we went through the whole being able to take much much of this sort of activity, brutal even, saying it was part of our heritage or something being what we were, which he never really explain again, saying when the time came I'd be allowed to know. We discussed our enjoyment of the match, which I embarrassingly accepted the most flutterious feeling in such a situation, he asked me why I didn't go after the dagger even if he said no to doing so. My reply had been that he firstly told me not to do it, to grab such dagger and then second reasoning, that completely shunned me away, had been what if something horrible happens, such as killing him, my loved laughed at that and appreciated that I took other lives into consideration and not just my own.

From there held his hand over my mouth and on my leg, in seconds my scream had been muffled in his hand with tears streaming onto his hand's fingers, as my knee was snapped back into back with a single flick of his writs or a few tires, all I know of was the unbelievable . I breathed heavily as he held he there, both pain and pleasure rushing me in full, him seeing this backed away and we continued out conversation.

Stating I give up, the fight was lost and I would be forced to hand over the prize, which to my own surprise had been our bodies, which shouldn't have surprised me, yet it had. He could do what he wanted with me and I couldn't do a thing about it, which I accepted, willingly. Knew my love more then well enough to allow this take effect.

Gripping upon my wrists I was held down and put on all fours, my legs were pinned by his knees and footing, then I felts something a rudder sort, long, thick, and wiggled as It was slapped lightly on my lower cheeks. A few lickings and suckling's, I was lost in adrenaline, such a high, then I was literally begging for it, sticking my bottom out in heat. Mainly this was due to the substance me inserted into me anally, which itched and every time I tried to get it out or stop such an irritation, I was beaten down..

So I begged as he asked of me, both of my hands we tied together on my back using some of my ripped clothing then a single thin roped untied my hair and both my hands as one, I was unable to counteract to his advances. It was such a turn on, feeling his many appendages explore me then the rudderly toy fulfilling the space I held within me, again and again and again. Though it didn't stop me from imagining his sex instead, from there I released myself, several times, evening during such sensational beatings upon me. Yet it was only slight beatings, a few hits, here and there, besides I loved it, feeling I deserved some of such a thing and it pleased him thus it did the same for myself.

Everything was done and with throwing our clothes into the pools, we got them back instantly, as they were before the fight, if not new. As we got dressed I asked what sort of magic this had been, he told me none. This cave only does as it wants.....

After leaving the cave for this night, Brourge told me I should have known better then to decide what you want to do during a fight between someone else, I told him it was only a simple match of abilities back there. He shook his head at me and said, in real life you'd be dead girl. I shrugged it off, yet we continued some sort of conversation to the bus stop where we kissed and we garbed each others asses, surprised by each others similar minds, both of blushed at the same time as well.

We waved, and the bus ride recollection and coughing people continued, then reaching for my music in my purse was something wrong. It was a book I'd not seen before, 'Riding Horses', was the title. Inside had been Brourge's handwriting. The book talked about all sorts of proper and polite techniques to ride those sorts of animals from the past and those in the cave.

February 28, 2137UH

The day of the Monthly Festival that celebrates our lord, Iron Moth, the one and only Iron Moth. Of course the Sickle Trought Down Stadium held this every other monthly event. Usually I stay out of the way, and wouldn't give shit about these people. But recently, seeing what I've seen. Along with Brourge's advice, I should experience new things. Might even see Jenny, damn bitch that she was, running off like that. Try to get away from my bullies, maybe peace together what's happening on this island. For the military academy is getting thinner and thinner, more and more people either missing or sickly. Quite scary if you ask me, which I saw the result of his, many were sickly, some passed out and medical personal arrived. There were also the executions, no one I knew I believed. So I just slipped away from the party, trying to think, what could be causing the sickly, why are people dying?

Using the Minformation, there was nothing about sickly, deaths, or anything abnormal. I couldn't understand, so I just wrote this little piece. My thoughts, feelings, anything I felt was necessary. That might hold a key in unlocking myself further that Brourge should know about. Guess that's it.

***

CHAPTER 3 MARCH

March 2, 2137UH

Starting off the month, I found myself in the Military Academy. Taking worthless exams, I feel, try to see beyond what they have been teaching me. Its entirely true, its so watered down though. The education is, complex, so many words and not enough actual clear information. Only the teachers seem to point out the actual points they find to be most important. Expressing all that are the make up of a commoners personality, morals, ideals, etc. The post or past me, which I fear, still remains deep within. Maybe its even consumed my entire being, everything is so complicated. Every word, that my guide speaks of the truth, breaking down further the world from which I've lived for years on end. Such hate within, burning, wanting to smoke my love out for his stubborn manners. Of dismissing out lord's way of life, corrupting the system from which we follow. Live out our life, fulfill out purposes, then die to pass on. Is that not enough to hold in life, why does a savor need to be there for another, they ruining lives. Don't they, not even sure what I'm talking about anymore. Sound completely insane, yet I've noticed my switch behavior, feeling it sabotaging my loving relationship of Brourge.

Still, while sitting their in the classroom, this is all that went through my mind. Again and again, then the counter side began, over and over. Saying how Brourge was the lord's savoir for me, that the world allowed me to die. That is was the corrupted world waiting for more to arise like himself, bringing me further into our realm. Changing it to our liking, how it should be, spreading the reality. Bringing upraise, peace, prosperity to humanity that's been grasped upon war deranged fellow. My words, of course, but Brourge's books have seemed to influence my mind in ways that seem. Just insane, after writing them and rereading the words I've written in these entries.

Though the toll of Jenny, my girl, not being around. Not seeing her at the bus stops, bus seats, the halls at the Military Academy. Feeling the hate twisted fear gaze upon me everywhere I go. Without Brourge, Henzin, even my newest friend George. So lonely I feel, just despicable how much its really getting to me. Oh, yeah, its obvious to say that Brourge was no where to be found this day. The word lonely gets maximized to the further extent it could be. Now the little things have begun to take hold. The bus, tedious waiting, in the mass who despises me. Making such a chore even more tedious lately. Going anywhere on this island requires my full attention in ensuring I don't fucking bash another fool's coughing blood spattered voice through a bus window. So total self control necessary, seeing if Brourge was around at the bar. Too fearful to head for the library anymore in meeting George. Didn't need a guilt trip coming back, perhaps extending its rains over my being. Regardless if Henzin might have been there. Was it not top choice in skipping the entire headache carrying event all together? I feel so.

Then upon another bus, I saw George, staying quiet of course a few seats behind he. Yet my eyes kept him locked in my sights until he got off. Later I did the same, but the guilt, I wanted his body against my own.

Leaning upon a building wall, in the busy sidewalks of the city. Looking up, I saw a a large 'E' with another 'E' on its back side and opposite direction that it should have been going in. At first, was unsure what had been placed upon that wall. Now I see, the simple Sheen Que Corporation logo, with the name of the corporation below such a logo. Before snooping into more shops of various sorts for tonight's self learned lesson.

At the end of this day, alone in my room, I found a toy while shopping around. Red as a tomato in embarrassment, a dark red colored dildo. Lets face the fact of my lustful self, without my man around able to satisfy myself. Masturbation had been marvelous tonight, four times, one after another. Also with the use of my hands, as usual, brought such a wondrous sensation beyond what it would have been. Because, the fact remained, trying both the self bondage and using the dildo. As described in the message from my dearest. They weren't really for me, I guess without his voice or knowing him there. It let the entire scene down. So I'll be only sticking my these hands and maybe the red dildo from now on. Lucky my door had been locked, no one could walk in, which didn't happen, better safe then sorry.

Oh, how Brourge took me upon that bed, the forcefulness was strong. Fitting to his behavior, in my mind sadly he stayed, while continuously playing. No matter the amount, of effort put in, he remained as a memory filled fantasy. Then, while the pleasure coursed through my being, I found myself tearing up. Wondering how much he's going to torture me with only a few meetings a week. Followed by a letter every other day. Lies, being interrupted so greatly at a moments notice. How can I deal with it? When will anything happen? Why should I wait here for him? Is he worth waiting for? I hated each word I thought, question that was answered, especially when I began to cry.

Must include something very close in my revilement, merging in curiosity. I saw George in the halls of the Military Academy, though I didn't look for him when the class ended. Saw him a few times however, it was very odd, never before has he been here. I should know, going to the academy for years now. Even the Minformation didn't provide any information on a George Ganst, thus he was not recognized by the Military. Maybe part of the higher ups though, that's what I'm missing. Its something I might have to look into, further.

He's after all, only a friend, a curious one at that.

March 3, 2137UH

Another day, knowing full well that my love was no where to be found. The bartender once again informed his absence, Brourge was no where on Sperack Island, I was hoping to hear that he'd be at the game this morning. Yet, as usual, things have been driven down hill. Seems that's been a the continuous routine that's taken hold between he and I. Again, after nearly driving myself insane, it showed up during the game this day. At the Sickle Sports Tountdown, is where all my isolated hostility came out, during such a stress releasing event. Then, picking up the mail, I found a particular item was among the usual pile. Firstly a letter from Brourge and then containing a wrapped leather bound book with the title of "Physical vs. Physiological". It carried my loneliness and anger a ways till the actual starting of the game. So, it soothed the wounds of his neglecting me so often. That grow whenever he's not around, if only he could fully understand how important he is to me. I'm sure it would matter, his eyes spoke to me on more then one occasion. He's serious just am I, though I must know more about him. Part of me just wants more.

As with the dagger too, its appearing more and more often these days. Especially when my blood pumping so thoroughly. Been so tempted to grab, yet knowing it'll be weird if someone saw. Or feeling odd for touching something that never existed. Or at least that was the through I had that stopped my foolish acts from time to time. However, surprisingly enough its never been an annoying feature, only entertaingly attractive.

During the game, so relieving it had been. More so then any other time, though it brought up some horrible memories of Jenny. Just as it drug up some of those great times, even if I had to willing bring forth the second batch. Once again I calmed down while in a more positive state of mind. Yet saddened again with the missing of Brourge in the crowds. Everyone else had been nothing more then a mere strangers. The end of the game, halted with a tie between the Military and Government teams. What a underwater contest of my very patience. It was the most tedious of all games ever played in my life, with no Brourge, Jenny missing, not a friend on this island here before me. I'd glad there were the lessons of my man and his book to bring me to such a strength. No joke, in the fact of murder being on my mind. Continuously, because I was being watched carefully by those three fucking bullies of mine. Saw them once, in that damn crowd, tried to not look back at them again.

Finally with the game done, I stayed back, waiting for the locker room to thin out. Have some less hate and more privacy, room to spread my being outward. Perhaps it was a desire for Brourge to appear, hoping so dearly for such a dream to come true. It never did. As people left, I thought more into the book and letter of my love. Giggling to myself a few times while looking out into space, as people came out from the locker room. They gave such funny looks, it didn't bother me. Myself being intimately locked in Brourge's arms, within my mind. As he spoke such wondrous words of wisdom.

As my eyes had set upon the sun in the distance, falling it was, 'already' I told myself. Looking at the time, upon a clock near by. It was marvelous such a day was whipping by so quickly, the amounts of people were far gone out of the lockers. Entering it myself, only my coach remained, unrealistic superior tight business sort. I'd say she acts more to be fitted for the noble Government Team then anything else. Pushing us all beyond our limits. Even heard rumors they assigned her a secondary manger to ensure she didn't put us in any dangerous conditions. Then the stories continue to even say students under her command died for followed her training. A bit scary, but at least it was only the two of us. In fact as I unlocked my locker, ensuring both the letter and book from Brourge were still in my possession. My superior coach to her leave out the entrance. Now I found myself alone in such a room, it was extremely comfortable. That only my thoughts floated as I grabbed the towel for a relaxing shower in the stalls.

Making certain I didn't slip upon the slippery floor, I found a decent stall near one in and upon the back wall. Far out of the way, in the shadows, this was my usual spot if not with Jenny. I would always used this little out of the way shower head. It just made things much easier for me is all. Turning the handle for the water temperature to warm. Allowing it to heat up, from the chilly cold water it had been, I heard something odd. Rushing footsteps, whispers, sort of metal scraping metal. Choosing to ignore it as my imagination or even the janitor, I placed the towel that had been around my being over part of the stall. Walking into the warming cleansing water that soaked me, as the seconds had passed. Stretching along as I moved, rubbed into the skin this wondrous crisp water. Then their heavy footsteps became clearer, metal bats and wooden clubs were seen, as with the shadows who held them. They entered, I screamed, shouting for them to leave me alone. Knowing all to well, what was happening this day.

The Sperack Island Community decided to execute me outside the meetings being held. The laws were no longer alive, in my grasp, the leaders of our Iron Moth are now giving their sons and daughters. A chance to prove themselves worthy in both taking their place when the time comes. As with being able to purge the traitors of the Iron Moth, of course only their perspective. I was going to die, this very day, in this very locker room. They will violate my body, hang in up or leave me to rot in a ditch for years on end before anyone knows I'm even gone. They'll just mark it down as another disappearance. Assuming like so many others before me, I was to die this very night. In the name of our lord, the Iron Moth, who's judgment was absolute. I'd known they were to come for me sooner or later, just hadn't been prepared. Only the words of myself dying came to mind, again and again. As I tried to ensure my life didn't end.

Three of my bullies lead the group of many. Maybe, at least twenty people wanted my life this night. Holding weapons of sorts, readying for my last act of defiance as they spoke words. Whispering into their little made up Sperack Island Community world that the Iron Moth's will was about to be carried out. I tried to run, though knowing it was completely futile, but better then dying. The first four people in the group, tangled with me, I knocked them to the floor. Broke one's nose, snapped one's leg, another's dick punched in full force. Screams, of both pain and excitement, littered the small path to the locker room's only entrance, in my case it had been the only exit. Then my own howling pain busted out as one of those fuckers rammed a wooden club into my knee cap. One of the major problems, had been the five or six metal nails that also penetrated me so easily from the stick in that witches hand.

As I went to grab my wounded knee, while falling to the floor in shuttering pain. Someone smashed my face with a metal bat, snapping my glasses into pieces upon the floor. Slamming me into one of the concrete stall walls. Laughs were shared among my fellow islanders, as with subtle coughs, as they continued, watching so eagerly for their turn. As I only began to whimper, cry, bled, and wished for Brourge to come. Which he never did, for one reason or another they held me down upon the cold floor. They gathered near my still running shower stall, waiting, motioning what they would do. I only continued to scream in utter bone shattering agony. While they took turns at jamming downward upon me their shoes, clubs, bats, wrenches, sticks, spikes, and other such tools of destruction. I heard at least three bones crack wide open, blood pooled inside and out, bruises appeared, they took out my left eye. Or the blood itself was too much for me to handle.

They dragged me over to my shower head, I saw someone turning the temperature for the showerhead. It must have been burning hot from all the rising steam, they continued to laugh even more so. As I helplessly tried to escape from the burning water falling down. But, crawling to one side or another only found myself with another beating occurring. Another broken bone, wound opening larger even creating more among my body. It was burning, I was crying, no where to go, nothing to do but wait for death and pray for it to be swift. Fucking bastards and bitches, they all were just the same, manipulated brainwashed fools. I was one of them. Now, I don't recall much after that part, everything was already so dizzy, hard at hearing, if not completely blurred out. There was one thing, it stood out, those three bullies of mine, personally grabbed me from the boiling water shower tall. Dragging my limp, shaking body onto one of the benches.

Making sure I could sit straight they started to proclaim their dominance, that a traitor was to be punished regardless of what the Iron Moth publicly announces, they knew the truth. Lucky my family will be untouched for not cooperating with the Island Community as they have in the past, it won't be overlooked. That they would get theirs for protecting me, I couldn't feel much at that point, just trying to sit was challenging. In front of the three people I despised more of all. That bald blonde man, that smaller bodybuilding women, and that skinny bitch. It was only shadows, while they spoke such empty words. That dagger, it was in the distance. Then began dancing towards me, becoming so realistically vivid in comparison to those figuring out my death to be. As they spoke, such a dagger came closer and closer in the air, until I reached outward. Grabbing hold, tightly, then blacking out.

After confronting the most horrific, pain streaked nightmare of my life. Just darkness and pain while I slept. More tedious thing in my life, just wouldn't end. But it finally did.....

Upon waking in my bed, during the morning. I found images of Jenny carrying me home again. The most awkward part had been my body. It was fine, not only fine, fresh, clean, no scars (except for those originally on my face), bruises, blood, wounds, as if this evening never even occurred. As if they hadn't made an attempt on my life at all. The book, "Physical vs. Physiological", Brourge's letter, even my glasses were unharmed. All of these things were placed where I've always set them. Did it happen? Did I almost lose my life? What happened when I grabbed that dagger? Why Jenny, again?

Pacing in my room, without rest, I found clues to if it occurred yesterday as I feel it might of. I will have to wait till morning to fully understand this situation of unknown strangeness. Though smiling briefly, it was the greatest thrill in my life. My life almost being taken, the beatings, oh, nothing compared. Not even Brourge's touch, fucking sick I am. Then, I layed on my bed. Masturbating to the dream of yesterday, seeing Brourge as my abuser. Cumming several times, I soon fell into the dreams of today once again.

March 4, 2137UH

In the morning, while everyone was eating breakfast in the kitchen I hopped on over the Minformation screen in the living room. Quickly checking for the news, I wore quite the grin and nervousness all day. As I pondered the thought. Of what happened yesterday, because it was pure shock. Then entire half of the Sickle Sports Troughtdown was in ruins, they don't have any leads, fourteen found dead so far. More being found by the hour. That's what the news told me, I even happened to visit there myself. Though I could only see it from afar, it was enough for them to call it a deranged terrorist plot gone bad. It could of hurt so many others, but was that me? Did I do that, simply by touching that dagger of my own imagination? If so, why? How is that even possible?

They were already starting to begin reconstruction on the stadium, just as they were clearing the debris and bodies away. I just pondered this entire sunny day, fitting my glasses everyone once in a great while. People passed me as if ghosts, perhaps that what I had been to them. Walking the streets freely, no one troubling me. Because if I did do such destruction, those fucking bullies would be long gone, if not severely injured. Knowing that I'm so dangerous they would keep their distance until some backup was called upon to eliminate me. There will be more then enough time to gain Brourge's advice by then, speaking of which, he wasn't around. Sadly enough only had myself for the day. Though just as fearful I had become of this shocking news, this feeling of purely defined self courage washed over me.

With that encouragement, I found my way around the city without fear of anyone. Not even those of the Island Community, who personally went around the Iron Moth and signed my death warrant. I didn't fear anyone, except myself. That terrified me so greatly, beyond measure or even reason. I smiled and laughed so sinisterly, this new found power. Though my walks, I found that dagger scattered about. Around me, in reach, but I didn't need it. Not yet, not sure if Brourge should or already knows. He was surely right, this has been quite the eventful awakening. Seems to me, if this is possible, I'll become someone great after all. Rising above all those people, who look down on everything I am. They must of known, just makes sense. That this ability was my own, would awaken, by the hands of the Iron Moth no less. Of course, this public outing didn't last long, the peace had been cut off. Two fools, younger couple, both were dark dark skinned, apparently were drinking. They got me near a alleyway then, beating me into the smaller space then busting a beer bottle over my head. I had been subdued, quite effectively.

One a bit more lost mentally then the other, being they were two men. I'm not really custom to seeing gays, but their common in the population, just have the respect to keep it out of public eyes. How I formed the conclusion they were more then mere buddies had been my sense. As with their kissing, grabbing, their eyes to, and the final piece being their matching rings. Followed by intimacy, love sayings, then sexual whispers. I'm unsure what they were trying to do with me. Besides trying to humiliate through ridiculing about me being a good for nothing Asian cunt that's needs to be fixed. Considering the skin shading of my recent assaulters, I found this to be interesting. Never have I seen such dark featured persons before on the island. Just a curiosity of mine.

Waking up, with my arms tried behind my back, in their apartment or a room. I found them cooking, cleaning, as if preparing something for one's arrival. Being my feet were together, in more tight ropes, and I being tied to a chair in the kitchen. So I was stuck, for the time being, very afraid too. Not sure what was going to happen from that point. We're they going to kill me, eat me, sell me, just didn't have a clue at first. Looking out the kitchen window, the night had come as the day was long gone. Then my dagger came dancing around, at that point. I froze, thinking about the stadium, how I might of destroyed a building unconsciously that was made to withstand any sort of disaster. Weather, bombs, rockets, guns, anything! And I single handily obliterated half of the damn thing!

Alright, I've come to the conclusion that I might be valuable now. More then I ever could of hoped, but I'm no killer. If that an apartment building, which judging by the windows angle in my mind, it had been before leaving the place. The death toll might reach over three hundred people, for the simple fact of other buildings near by or even those walking the streets. One of those dark skinned bastards came over to me, wearing an fancy sparkling red dress, he even wore the makeup. Calling to the other, that I awoke. Saying such horrible things to my face, and the alcohol must of worn off for his speech had been perfect. How I was to be sold, beaten, and amount to only an old nasty yellow breeding cow for "Shay". Laughing as he went about his little speech of intimidation. Which utterly failed, I had my dagger cutting away the ropes. While he sat down at the kitchen table, in a chair across from my own. He didn't even realize what was happening. Who was "Shay" anyhow, did he hired these two to pick me up? Just another lead to follow up on I guess.

By the way, when I woke up at tied up in the chair. I found a massive throbbing headache. must have been from healing after that damn beer bottle and punching. Which while unconscious I found myself screaming in pain, continuously as before with those bastard bullies and Island Community chumps.

What really disgusted me had been how he went from terrorizing me with such horrible events to come. Then started to talk about how I felt about makeup, rambling on about some new product he found to be more naturally fitting to his look. It didn't really help much to his appearance, so I stayed silent. Which aggravated him further. So he pulled my hair, which I let out a yell. It really did hurt, then I nodded. Soon, my hands were freed, I threw a punch, yet unknowingly held my dagger, already placed in my hand. So I stabbed his neck, deeply. Soon that smug looking face of his blew up into shocking despair. As he wailed around, my other hand held his loud mouth shut. Muffling that he was both in trouble and I might escape. Pulling him down to me, he started hitting me over the head with his fist as I pulled out the dagger. Allowing the blood to flow smoothly, then cutting his other assaulting hand. Soon, with my bindings gone, I found my assaulter dead in my hand. I started to smile, talking to his wide eyed corpse, lifeless, saying how he was wrong.

Letting go of his corpse, it slid off the table and landing upon the ground. I freaked out then, realizing what just happened. That I took a life, smiled, creaked amusing comments at a dead man. I sat there for minutes, trying to regain myself. Dropping the dagger back into the shadow world from where it existence. Why did I smile? Why did I begin to even chuckle? Did killing that man, bring such pleasure, I had to begin bloating about it? What am I.....

Though I calmed down, by that time, the other man in the house already saw the scene and came back with a loaded firearm. A small handgun, pointing it at me, saying I should stay still. I did just that, looking at the entire situation. Finding my reasoning for killing these people, it was self defense. Weren't they all threatening my life and future others. They had to be destroyed, so logical, and with that in mind. The dagger appeared in the air, coordinated with my mind, it flipped around. The sharpened portion fitting itself around his bare arm. With a blink of an eye, imagining that limb of his gone. My dagger sliced it right off, then his screaming head, just the same. The incident lasted not even a minute. Both laid on the floor, in their own foolish blood, I protected myself. That's all that happened here, no murder, only self defense. Not even Brourge disagrees with that statement I would admit.

So I left the room, closing the apartment door behind me. So quit the apartment hallway had been. Taking the stairs I found myself not far from where I was abducted. Sure was dark out tonight, must have been getting late. Not many people were out and about, must have been the sickness for sure. The dagger flying about me like a pet bird which I could get used to in time. Smiling and laughing, it was so fulfilling this night. Bored otherwise, truly exciting, then something strange happened. I met George Ganst at the entrance of the apartment building. He was just so surprised as I had been, our faces must have been in complete gapping awwws. Or something like that, found it odd that someone of such upper classman to be living at a city apartment. But that's what he said, he lived there, we said good night. Going separate ways from there on.

Oh! What a night this has been, damn, could find this much entertainment even if I tried. Though I would rather be working for some cash to get new clothes or something. Ratifying to just think about life. To be aware of your surroundings. Understanding what happens in the night that the day never allows to be seen. Took a bus to my home stop, the walk was just so refreshing, one thought after another.

Jenny was with Brourge, established that much. Yet to what purpose where they working together? Why are people sick? what's with a noblest like George Ganst working at a library then sleeping at a low grade apartment building? What am I really? What and who is Brourge, if not Jenny, for that matter? What does Brourge want from me? Why did Jenny run? Where did Henzin go, why? Why can I now hold my dagger as before I was unable? Checking myself, I found no traces of being wounded by those thugs petty assult. How is that even possible? Why have I not been injured, or remain more of wounded?

My senses just went crazy over these questions, trying to link them all together, not much luck. The night ended with me reading Brourge's recently sent book. Eating a cold dinner, and sleeping with my love in the

dearest mind.

Which bagan explaining humanities nature. It was more indepth then the other pervious books. Again, how history, showing what societies would value. Looks over the flesh, that it contributed to the destruction of these societies, which I can understand completely, making logical sense. However it was not that simple, these societies brainwashed their citizens into believing that without looks there would be no true feature for them in their societies. Which happened like clockwork, those with beauty would be presented everything, fame, power, and would influence others to do the same, their intelligence was decent, yet not enough to produce any production for humanity overall. The brains, or ones who were geniuses were shunned and mocked, some landed jobs, yet nothing of true value. So.....they in time upraised against these societies, taking full control though the governments, carried by their greed, of always wanted what they never had and their lost motivations...destroyed their societies from the inside out. They focused on appaerences, the now, nothing long term, there were no morals, no respect for elders, family traditions, culture, nothing to provide a stable basis for their lives, to give real meaning or purpose. a lot of them committed suicide or just aimlessly drifted through life doing nothing...trying to find their purposes, when they finally did manage to find something to follow up on, it was too late, they were dead already.

The lesson was on equality, since the intelligent one was shunned, this caused them to become corrupted, using their natural gifts of intelligence for needs besides what they could have been used for. Huh, who knows for sure, interpretation is always astray.

It was a fascinating story indeed, though I can't see a story being entirely possible. Yet, I see it here today, it was or why I always covered my ears and nose with my hair, the scars, the imperfections. I or my family does not have enough money to cover the expenses of operations to clear these sort of eye sours up and allow me to further enhance my career. Truly a shame....just because of a little physical imperfection, it ruins our lives.

Also read that horse book, so I'll beat Brourge in our next race, horses are quite wonderful, never the less their not spectacular. Much prefer that seal...

What the fuck is going on in this world!!!

Must must find out!!

March 9, 2137UH

*Tears stain page*

Almost couldn't write this day, this night, but I've been stuck in my room all day. This house, with my family, in utter fear for my father. Worrying over my dad for the second day, it was just so sudden what occurred. From the very morning I awoke on Friday, getting ready to leave before even going downstairs for the energizing meal of stabilizing my being. But when coming down those stairs, I found mother and my younger brother on the couch in front of the Minforamtion screen. Something, that I despised yet didn't see any normal or even routine. Though continued onward to an empty kitchen table. No food made, prepared, heated, not even plates or anything on the burner or ready to be served. Only my lone sister hanging up the phone, crying her eyes out. I didn't know, she just hugged me. We stood still, as I hugged her lightly in return. At first I was wondering why everyone was so oddly and frantic. I didn't even have time to ask what this was all about, she just stated:

Then my older sister said this, through the huffing and puffing tears, "He is....going to die...", which continued still. "Father....is going to die sister".

I was completely blown into pieces, what was I to do? How was I to react? Feel?

Only stood there, frozen, hugging, crying, whishing for my father's wellbeing. I decided to sit in the living room, with my family members. We all huddled together on the couch, weeping, holding onto sanity, life. Praying to the Iron Moth for safety, no tragedies to befall us, that we were to remain whole.

So many words passed amongst us, including the phone call, indicating father's work at the Power Plant. Wouldn't cover or be reliable for his injuries, health, or otherwise. Only sent him off to the hospital, he was to be back home today or tomorrow. This Saturday or Sunday he was to be home. Which, another spent in silence didn't amount to anything more then a missed meeting with my love. Missed a day of school, exercise, etc.

Somehow Brourge must of known something, for a letter arrived in the night. Someone personally went to our mailbox near the street. Considering it was the dead of night, I couldn't see who it had been from. From my room, I went down stairs, and found it was a worried letter from my man. He wanted to know what was happening, which I have no intention in replying this day or the next. He'll know soon enough, or he could just read my fucking mind like he always has in the past.

There was something even more peculiar that relates that very horrific incident. Bringing the bond together in this family I felt was so lost. Amazing it had been, hopefully all of that will continue beyond these desperate terror filled days. The point, my dream of the night, following learning about my father's sickness condition, being in a hospital overnight. Dying, in this realistic vision I dreamt. While was looking though my own bodies viewpoint. Slashing all in my path, at a house, a building away from all the others. On an island, near a lighthouse, on the beach, it burned, crumbled apart. I held my dagger high and proud, laughing as I massacred all in that lone two story apartment building. Going into the basement from the classy first floor, they tried to attack, yet only ended up dead upon the floor. If they survived that much, I saw so many melt into pools if not disintegrated before me.

There were voices inside my head, saying how pathetic they were, trying to stop a queen like me. Or using those words, even destroying a large machine. Blue, dark blue, a noisy compressor looking canister. Then these voices told me, all the sickly will now be alright for the source shall be no more. Witnessing myself, with the dagger in hand, slicing the blue canister into pieces, which started the fire. Scorching flames engulfed us, or me, though I could barely feel anything at all. It still felt a bit stingy. Walking out of the burning building I found myself looking into the sun rising morning. At a large Asian man, chubby, shinny ears of pierced metal, bald shined as well, then a long beard upon his chest. Adam Peckerson, was there, he watched me. Waking up, immediately checked myself for anything signs of the following event. Remembering that I healed when in sleep, occurred to me after undressing before the mirror. Which I found nothing to be wrong.

So, during the day, I went out searching for answers to these puzzling questions of frustration. First checking around the friendly next door street persons of the Military. Everyone who answered the door was coughing, as with having troubles of their own. Being unable to help, one of these wives who answer my knocking upon their door spit up blood into her hand. Which got me nowhere, on the surface. Then Upon taking a bus ride oves to Jenny's building near the lighthouse. The same one I saw in my dreams, buring in blaze, dead bodies scattered about. Walking to that very destination, I have confirmed my dream was of complete utter reality. I, my unconscious self, maybe when I black out at time. Took control, found the source of the sickness, destroying it. Because she did narrate me on what was happening just as with why it had to be done. Scary when I came across that thought, then again, at least I'm taken care of. Not much fear in losing my life so easily, speaking of which, more puzzles to solve.

While walking back for another bus pick up and later walk home, I could only think of.....

Why am I not sick? Why was Adam there at the scene? Not many if at all Government types have been coughing so was this an attack on the Military? Did Jenny, was she responsible for operating that machine in the basement that caused the sickness?

Checking on the Minformation, there was nothing about any evidence of suspicion of a Government plot against the Military. There was a fire last night near the lighthouse, nothing more then a simple building burning then falling. After that little information, I found myself stuck. Nothing could go further until both father was back and Brourge could answer my questions. Though there was an odd report, the hospital that my father was staying over at for medical treatment. It was strictly Government, that there have been a lot of patents going in and out weekly. That usually have once every other month check ups, I found insretst in this for one reason or another. My sense said so as well, something about the riddle was there. The Government might be behind this whole attack. As the books have stated, that civil war had never really stopped so many years ago. Only went underground, so the Government and Military have been at each others throats for decades.

This has to be one of their many conflicts, taking an entire island, secretly, maybe. I don't think I've gone completely crazy, for my other half seems to know whats really going on. More then I feel, or it's the other way around. Arguing with myself, that should be a hilarious moment. I hope my father is not mistreated at the Government hospital.

I can't go see Brourge, yet, my family needs me.

Where is Brourge when he's desired most!!

March 10, 2137UH

Father came home this day, the Government Hospital staff delivered him to our home. We saw the flashing lights outside the house upon the street. My mother and older sister shouted this morning, waking me from my sleep. Being on the second floor of the house, I was able to see the whole scene from above. Crying, just knowing he had survived the little adventure behind enemy lines. They rolled him onto the sidewalk, with my family at his side. Later, after I got ready for the day. I found the hospital staff leaving with the papers signed by my mother. Father had looked so pale, weak, as if on the verge of death. At a closer inspection of my dad, he had poke marks, upon his neck. As if a needle or needles miraculously found their way into being. Unlikely, but when talking to my older sis about this discovery of attempted killing of he. I was corrected, he had cancer, they even stated on the papers surgery procedures were conducted in order to just save his life for the few nights.

We looked him over beyond his neck, there were surgical marks elsewhere as well. Of course I still have my doubts, but they proved to me, in their eyes and mind. I knew better, I would of assumed anyone who was of the Military should of known the Government would never be trustworthy. No matter the many years of alleged peace. The difference just was so overpowering, peace would never come unless one killed the other. Even a isolated fool like myself can see that much. Now that I think about, what is being part of the Military? I know they have their own private Academy, but what are we? What do we stand for? Why did it take me this long to even realize any of this before? Awakening indeed, Iron Moth, thank you with all my being and soul. As with ensuring my father survived his ordeal.

Regardless, my father began smiling after we started talking around him, to he. So I saw my place being here all day with my dad. We all made a difference for him, perhaps even might give the strength to live on tomorrow, again and again. Brourge must wait, still. I know, its horrible, he could be waiting for me. But now he's getting the taste of what I always feel. Perhaps that's just all fine justice. Even had to skip mailing to my lovely this day. Either letters, of worry or even our conversational messages.

I was again on my personal investigation of the island of Sperack, after father fell alseep. Unable to enter the Government hospital, ending up in a corner at that point. But went forward, learning they lied to me. Only Military persons were not allowed into the hospital. Then even more my theory about the Government being responsible had been the line of mainly Military members sickly. Some even passed out upon the street waiting to be let into that only island hospital. Its one of the reasons why my father had been brought home, he wasn't suppose to have been in intensive care. Just a mess up on their part, that I feel has given me the proof I needed.

Seeing a Sheen Que Corporation advertisement, that double damn 'E' upon the side of a bus's side. I guess anything that was part of the UHEG or Government just pissed me off from now on. Speaking of which, Brourge, who's side was he on? Another curious question of puzzles to solve. Yet not being answered for the most part. Its going to be quite the month.

While touring the island, looking in even nook available to me. Which meant, that didn't expose my medaling. As with the bullies, those same fucking island community followers who, again, attempted killing me. What pointless attempts, though I decided to escape their grasp. I refused to kill another person, self defense or otherwise. It wasn't me, not the one who loved Brourge even committed to this investigation's success. What's actually going on in my life, how will I even begin to further myself in this world of deception. But there had been something that's still eating away at me, they called me "Freak", chasing me. The three of them, blonde, muscle, and skinny. Stupid foolish bastards, ruining everything that isn't them.

Getting upset over, my abilities, snagged in another slump of self hate. For who and what I was, beagn to burn me inside. My abilities are not normal, from what I have seen in this world so far. That's the utter reality, still, from one confused self hating word after another. I found the Iron Moth to bringing this idiotic nonsense to an end. For our lord chose me, of all others to hold such gifts.

What a worrisome yet peaceful family bonding night.

March 11, 2137UH

Following yesterday, I've found myself completely blocking all people out of my social life. Even my family had been a victim of such nerve racking shutters that plagued my being in full. Endless questions and thoughts penetrating, even my dreams or even nightmares have been affected.

Last night, every image that allowed gateway to more horror didn't stop. Only showing itself for the fiery hatred and enjoyment that led to a secretive message. My unconscious being, which I fully believe that's what's within me. Controlling impulses for the using and slashing with that dagger, oddly enough. I could get used to referring it as a friendly ally. Clearly, that or more of this hallucination was no ordinarily obtained weapon.

As for the dream itself, darkness, pitch black, no matter where I looked. Finding myself completely nude. Felt very exposed, though nothing to the extreme of being uncomfortable. It was just something that personally I had never really gotten used to. Yet there I was, standing in my own space, but the gates soon opened up all around. It was hell that now surrounded my exposed being, upon a battle field. Though the persons fighting where in the millions, far as my eyes could see upon the grounds and in the skies. This was the warfare between the Military and Government waged. Blood was as water falls, explosions shook with earthquakes and eardrum shattering effects, bodies fell in endless amounts of rag dolls, guns with swords became their hands in combat. Nothing else appeared or could have been seen, though I was in the middle of the conflict. Neither side supported nor protected me , I was completely alone. Looking for someone or anyone ended up with yelling faces, persons acting violently against me.

Before reasoning could of even been brought up, my dagger was in hand. My grip, proudly stayed strong as I slashed everyone in sight. Man, woman, child, animal, creature, anything that befell the path that was my salvation. Though, the problem remained pulsating within me, I was not the one attacking, merely standing by. Watching my other self slaughter all who opposed us, worse, when we both began to laugh at it. Smiling, giggling, enjoying the utter mayhem blood splattering battle. Looking back, now, I try to recall what I desired above all others. What was the killing all about, part of me only smiles and states the fight. I know that's not me, I'm a person who opposes violence whenever possible. Its not something that our world will remain at peace with. The other side, seems to have been saying, for love, connection, challenge, comfort. Both, unfortunately I feel so deeply the reality of this situation.

Then it happened, in the distance, Brourge stood there, clapping his hand. Laughing with me from so afar, we matched our smiles and our eyes could not look away from the other. But our bodies still laid waste to the land, mainly those who stood upon it. Soon I was running to my love, who remained at his place upon the battle field, but nothing came from this. I stood stationary, trying to blink there, it also failed. Panicking heavily I found myself staring down a field a of soldiers running away from both he and myself. For something emerged from the ground behind my love. It was large, towering several stories in height. I would consider that thing to be human, yet even my sense knows better. A leader, a lord, a magnificent overlord on the Mind Ten council board that controlled the UHEG. The top Government officials if there ever were ones to look up to. None that I know of from the Military though, really sucks to even admit that.

As my passion turned to hate, it soon morphed into something even more troublesome. Curiosity, why did Ten Mind, appear behind Brourge stopping all attacks from us. Who also wore his usual dressed wedding suit, tie, shoes, gloves, and a full face mask. Everything was dripped over in that dark red coloring, except for the facial features upon that feline whiskered mask. Even his or it's hair wasn't visible, everything was concealed that was skin. It was interesting, a topic long along. Bringing up jokes and riddles of our overlords. For that very reasoning, why they were always covered up. They even say, rumor, that the families who personally served them on the mainland lived on this island for generations. Silly stuff, why would anyone have to personally serve our overlords, their nearly gods sent here by the Iron Moth. Forming Humanity into the great thing it is today, existing in harmony. No more wars, confusion, lies, betrayal, only everlasting peace. This is what I used to believe, before Brourge,

Now I see the world as something new, renewed encouragement to venture out again. Unveiling the world for what it is, taking any steps with these abilities to ensure peace remains. I feel that's a high possible purpose for me having these freakish powers. Can't believe I've finally admitted to be freakish, not sure if that's good or bad anymore. The final portion of the dream that was able to have been dreamt was, Ten Mind waiting above Brourge. Then he, my love, asking for me to follow, soon my feet were again mobile. Step by step I went.....

Anyhow, the dream couldn't be finished, knew there would have been more. I was awoken this morning about two hours earlier then normal. The screaming, yells of my father in pain down stairs. Shook everyone out of their beds. One thing led to the next, I started writing this very entry out of boredom and the inability to fall asleep again. Father finally quieted down, decided to help around the house for once. So Brourge and I would not be seeing each other again.

At breakfast, mother asked for me to get the mail from the box out front. When doing so, Brourge appeared before me. Grabbing hold of me, we disappeared into thin air and appeared upon a buildings rooftop in the city upon Sperack. Or at least that's what I got from the view down below over the streets. The sun burning down with sudden high winds, it got cold fast. So we took shelter under a customarily built glass box. With seating inside it. One surprise after another with this guy, damn, to be honest. I've never been on a roof top or even knew those sight seeing roof boxes existed. For the winds are usually high upon taller standing buildings. Not sure what we were situated on. Though we both sat in the box, or at least I had, he only stood. Looking out at the view, while, he was in mine.

He hadn't said a word yet, though I had already guessed what we going to discuss. We went over our missing days, my father being with cancer, in which case we shared some intimacy. He slapped me around, as I bit his hand, blushing heavily, busting into heat. Though he wasn't dominating my thoughts as usual, this intimate moment turned me up and beyond. If only he would of forced me to cum before him, would of perfected it. Nope our tongues tangled, bodies humped , few caresses, apologies, then we were split up again.

Not before some information from my dearest Brourge, about looking into a Military teacher who has some surgical skill. He should be able to cure my father if everything is done in time. That was the meeting that was not suppose to happen. Back home, finding the mailbox empty. Then my family in fear waiting inside the house, I explain a more realistic reasoning for my actions that didn't involve Brourge. They were taking notice I came back home safe. Though mostly concentrated on dad. I kept the information about the surgin to myself.

Going up to my room, over thinking the situation, hating myself for meeting Brourge. Not able to ask anything unparticular to my question list. Frustration grew and grew within me, that I disobeyed his words without proper explanation, disrespected him even more by all of the above. No letters, meetings, no courage to ask him anything when I was able. Just allowing him to worry about me for days on end, it was about to be over a week, coming up. Then it got worse for me this day, I was not able to open my bedroom window to let some of the stuffed up air to exchange with the outside. Nope, thus my switch moment arrived, creating even more grunting anger smoldering.

Soon, mercifully, something extraordinary happened. A small white bird came by my window, even though it was on the outside. It seemed to have been chirping to me, a curiously grew with attraction towards such a creature. Even as I approached the window, that little animal stayed, hopping around. Chirping, pecking at the glass. Instantly I calmed down, looking at it, thanking the Iron Moth. It flew away, then another clicking idea formulated question. Why did that happen? Why would an animal, clam me so?

Because I didn't feel any comfortable near anything in a similar manner as that.

Extraordinary, nature has a main connection here. However, to what end does it affect what I've become?

March 16, 2137UH

Every Tuesday, being a Sperack Island's Community Meetigs, for pray and movement of the island's plans for whatever reason it may have been. This has become such a tedious routine, having to be there amongst those who wish me dead. Just being around them sends me into such a burning rage, its actually sickening. Its also been evidently influenced in a negative manner from Brourge's state of mind. Showing the meetings as nothing more then an attempt to control the populations and our ideals. Making certain that we remain followers never leaders. Which has successfully maintained their grasp upon us all, being said that once included me in their ranks. We just sit there, while our leaders vote and question us all. Repeating knowing and thoughts, manipulating us a bit further. Just doesn't make sense anymore, the Iron Moth as in the fact of holding these meetings. Our Lord would never do such a thing, perhaps the Overlord which rules the UHEG, by extension us. Umm, anyhow, reason I talk about those church infested all day meetings is what made this one particularly different.

This day was not, like any other, I noticed someone odd yet pleasant. George Ganst, had been among their ranks. In those rolls of seating, actually it was he who noticed me before I him. The day got very bright at that moment, then the speaking followed between he and myself. How comfortable that church had become that day during the week. Though such a memory was hammered by those bastards for calling myself pale for an Asian then making fun for hours on end. Though at least George was there, it gave such self controlled comfort. That no other would have been able to give, in that enclosed fancily decorated room.

....there is a disturbing both thought and urge that took me over. I almost shamed myself completely. The thought of forcing a young man, I saw upon the bus route to our Military Academy. He had fallen asleep next to me, apparently one of those party types, out all night. Sleep all day, he dozed off, but not before his hands caressing my thigh. Covering it was my bag, no one noticed, slowly my hand caressed his own clothed excited cock. His little moans, gave such ideas and desires in me. Thoughts of forcing him, half asleep, even if he fought. Giving him an orgasm, without end, hurt him, muffle his moans. Punch, threaten, chase if needed. Ravishing that young man into my grasp. How could I have done so, admitting it I feel is a step forward to gaining control. It was so impulsive, unreal, and yet so urging to do. But backed down, as if awakening from my little daydream as the bus stopped at our destination. Shamefully disrespectful to myself and Brourge. Even more so, disturbing, why such violent fantasies? Brourge? Or I?

At the Military Academy, during one of my classes. I found the teacher which Brourge insisted would be very helpful to my desires. That being my father's health being restored to full strength, enough to at least walk again. It took such courage being mustered for I to bring my questions and pleads into the open. Which after class, the older age wrinkled man, who was also a father of a large family himself. He kindly agreed to help and cure my dad of his cancerous infection, being we were both connected by the Military. Without the connection I fear he would of never agreed to engage in those procedures for my father's health. It all would be carried out this Saturday, which was the agreement.

Onto to this day, Saturday....

With my family already informed about my teacher taking dad away from the proper surgical procedures. The first of many to come we were informed, but it'll be freely done and will save my our father's life. But he will not be home for quite some time, until the operation is fully complete. I noticed something odd, he wasn't coughing, like so many Military orientated persons have been, for so long. So, this evening today, my father's first of many procedures had been committed, pushing death away a bit more.

Sadly, I wasn't able to meet up Brourge. Surely, the outcome was not to be good. But I wanted to be there for my families sake. When the teacher took him away, as we all shared the worry together as night fell upon us. My loving man will have to understand, which I'm sure he does. More then would be possible for me to realize. Though I warned that something like this might occurr, so I have not disreacped anyone. Nor has the word of mine been tarnished.

March 17, 2137UH

For the most part of the day, it was just so empty. With no Brourge, since this time I did go after him for our meeting. Funny how that thing works out, when you really need something, their never around. When you don't want anything to do with them, their just like the fly. Cruel, so wicked life can be more often then not. I guess great things will come to those who wait. So I satisfied my stressed fill being with some strokes in the pool at the Exercise Station. Like I mentioned, extremely boring. Only dreams...

I've noticed a pattern in my thoughts during day dreams as with those of the night. Becoming more fond of the leaving Sperack Island, with or through Brourge's connections. Which grew such love, for he, between us. As with the mail, I felt horrible doing such a thing to him. I replied to our message this very evening, hoping he would get it before long. Hate not hearing from him, perhaps the feeling of utter instability was become a bit too unbearable. Again, this is what I get from ignoring him so often. What a terrible partner I've been to my love. Can't believe I've taken his nature of caringness so far to my advantage.

Learned that the busses were losing drivers, more and more were either coughing. Missing, or said to have been found dead one morning. Yet I left it at that, not investigating such a thing further, whether thy were Government or Military.

Regardless, there was something missing this day. Something more, I just couldn't put my finger on it. Couldn't understand what ate away at me so much these hours. So, recalling, Brourge's words of wisdom. That I should try, if in disparate need, unable to feel any better no matter what I tried to do. Which was that very odd time. Often, recently, since awakening. This empty feeling, has only just begun taking hold. Dissolving me within, he mentioned to try self mutilation.

When I first was told this word, that it was calming to our nature. I didn't understand, felt sick to even have thought it to have been even helpful. How was inflicting pain onto yourself, even, why? But I have found out the easy way. In this very depressed empty mood, that's overtaken my being. By gathering all he missilery requirements of sharp items, pins, clamps, wire, even an electric zapper device. Got some from around the house, stole few, the rest were collected after everyone slept away.

In my room, door locked, upon the clean towel covered floor. An artistic moment occurred, most defiantly, turning the day upside down. The sensations occurring through me, as those blades slashed into my skin. With the blood dripping, flowing, and burning. My mouth gagged, the initial screams muffled from agonizing pain. Though that was at first, soon after, warmth within grew. Throughout my entire being, rushing to my skull's top. Flushing everything out, washing lustfulness for another slice. Clamps of metal and a few being wood, were placed over my tits and the other along my thighs. Nearly blacking out, the sensation was just growing, without hesitation. It was wave after wave, which bothered me none.

Such pleasure, as my little self inflicting mutilation session, my body danced in fuzziness pulsating. I vomited several times, feeling both shame and guilt for doing that. The blood, wounds being deep, that my dreams would relive the subtle pain into the beyond until waking. Yet it was worth every second. Enjoyed the pleasure, nothing ever felt more satisfying with such a distinct sensation. But it hadn't ended there, I came, masturbated. Using the items and my hands, gently with rough twists. Thinking of he, Brourge, using the fantasy of being his first as he would be my own.

March 18, 2137UH

Checking my body in the morning, awaking promptly, no wounds. Though recalling the dreams.....felt like I was just chocking to death. Seriously the worst sensation ever experienced. I'd rather be beaten senseless then go through that healing stage of unconscious sleep phase. At least that seems to be exactly what I've been experiencing. This morning after getting up, with a lovely surprising cold shower, due to complications. I found out the family that took my father, the teachers wife and few children came by to update us on the situation. Explaining in short that dad survived the operation successfully. Though would be needed for a few more weeks to ensure his recovery over those hideous destructive cancer cells. They spared us some money to make the bills until that time. Along with asking if I wanted to come and visit father with having dinner with them. I was unable to answer, at the time, they said to show up if yes.

Still couldn't believe that those wounds on my ass, thighs, feet, face, arms, and breasts were completely healed over night. Must be something magnificent that I am, again I prayed with thanks to the Iron Moth for such service. Kept checking myself after leaving to see Brourge, told them I was going out. My family for once, responded astoundingly. Which was something I've overlooked these many weeks. Ever since my father contracted the cancer, They have taken their eyes off that damn Minformation and showed their caringness for I. It was amazing, thought the sprit in happiness never did last long.

All day, I couldn't help but think of my little experiment last night. If those wounds never healed as they did. What would my family say to me, what would Jenny have said. It was only at that moment in the day I saw the best friend I ever had. Never disappearing from my mind, she only harassed without ease of any sort. Even while with Brourge, which indeed we met as if nothing happened. I didn't beg forgiveness or anything. His eyes seemed to have understood everything that was happening in my life. So I felt so calm, snuggling in his bare scar catered hairy chest. We laid naked in the sands of that mysterious cave in the back of that bar of his own. From that point on, he and I agreed things were back on schedule. Meeting wise between us as with the letters.

During such a time, he and I spilled to one another, opening about certain topics. Just hearing his voice calmed me further, every word made his that much more attractively comfortable. Expecting punishment for my skipped days, he lets me off the hook. It was surprising, considering who I saw him as. Such a tough easy going man, knowing the elegant ways of the world. In my heart, he is the man that sole this heart. That very same that's my own, I only hope I have his too. Guess that had to be said, from what sis always told me about men. He didn't link to those she spoke hatefully of. He's patient, strong sense of self control, knows what he's heading for in life, pleasantly comfortable, and powerful. How could sis be so wrong about men, perhaps its only those she met. As time passes, I can't help but truly feel. That this man is from the Iron Moth, sent for me and sole me. This does not mean selfishness, its because of that unique feeling no other seems to have with me. C'mon, for the first time in my life, it feels like I'm not alone. Glad he'll be my first, if only he'll become my only. But only a dream I guess, no one stays forever. Unless you feel it within.

I'm also shocked, due to our intimacy. Brourge only cuddled with me. No other forms of physical touch, forcefulness, or sexual. Only passion, it soothed me in such a way. This only proves our love. It has too, for sustaining temptation. Knowing what I felt like, his please today was my own, not his. That a true partner to have in life. I must repay at some point, can't allow myself to be a bitch. So enjoyable, meant a lot more then anything else could of happened during this time in my life. Only our lips blended, that was the most besides knowing the other had been there, willing in all manners.

So, sitting with one another, changing angles we held one another. We just talked, talked upon that soft fluffy dirt ground, odd it was. But with him, there was nothing more magnificent. Our conversation contained mainly my worries of father, operations. Which he completely understood what was caused by that. How it all worked, the immune system, gene pool, etc. Astounding, there was no other word to describe it. Besides that, he just listened to me. Soon I asked Brourge if I could have dinner with the teachers family, he gave me some conditions, but accepted by giving permission.

The conditions were if I missed anymore of our meeting days over this weekend that our partnership would be terminated for good. I accepted his terms, no matter what, I'd never let our relationship die. Following that, I teased him about those two days. Scenarios that would occur, he joined in on the fun but kept a serious tone.

So I'm thinking now, what he could have in store for me those two days that could be so important.

March 23, 2137UH

So, the week came and went, but not without memories forming first. Valuable they all were, meaning much more then I would of ever intended. Yet there was attention worth these pages, that occurred this day. Still, the week's events come first, as always.

Another switch moment came along, couldn't use the same pen from my purse. It was so annoying, much more so then those jingles the day before. Someone outside, most likely one of those stalkers of mine. This one must be weirder then the rest, cause I recall those damn bells, ringing for a short period of time, last month. In any case, had to go through all my purse to find a broken yellow coated pen of mine. Could only use that particular one of them all. Damn wasteful, embarrassing, as with annoying above anything else. Why do they always come when I least aspect it.

However, my switch moment was not nearly as annoying or shamefully embarrassing. I saw George, at the Military Academy, he lost his watch. Which was one of a kind, indeed, it had been. He fell moving some material in boxes down the hallway. Though I only watched for a short time, he continued to try after the watch. Being it got stuck in a vent. Soon the janitor came along, I could only hear him as the crowd thickened. He was yelling, shouting in full strength. The other man trying to only calm him, going after the watch with a tool he pulled along to the scene.

Now the embarrassing part, I've found no matter what, my urges acted up more and more often. When their attempted to be suppressed, they pop up. Growing, thickening, my desires as with fantasies expanding within. My heart pumped, pouncing at that thought, of forcing George while on his knees. Taking full control of that man, my friend, perhaps more in my mind. Imaging those pitiful cries of his when I would beat him. Torturing, every squeal exciting me further. Raping George Ganst, not carrying about the sex, or even if it he enjoyed any of it. Many things were wrong about what I've just written above, worse, below in my pants. Gaining such wetness, truing red in the face as those fantasies urged on. Couldn't believe it, that's all. Thinking of rape, beating, torture, violence, molestation, power, why? Its not me, know its not me. How could it be anything, but my other side. Which is only a passenger. That's all.

Now, onto today, this Saturday. Dinner with my teacher had been schedule this day, it went well. Nothing out of the ordinary or bizarre occurred. Just a vegetable noodle soup dinner with his family. He, his wife, and five children greeted me then together we ate. They lived in the city, another ordinary apartment with other Military occupied family living at the same address. Inside their room, ever so small for such a large family. But they seemed to make a living, apparently funded by the higher ranked Military officials. Which confused me at first, still does, though their explanation helped greatly. My father was also doing every well, his tan, seemed to be reappearing. Was able to have a few sentences with me, before dinner.

We talked, after sitting down at the large wooden table in the main hallway. They had all been dressed so formally, myself, casual. Felt out of place. I asked if their we're really alright taking in another person into their home. Considering the numbers, further more a traitor's family on the island. They only laughed at me, I tried to join in. Recall, only really thinking and small grins. Perhaps a bit too serious for my own good, but I had questions that felt could easily be answered. I did just that. They didn't care for the Sperack Island Community, they were more Government orientated. At that time, I found myself wiping my face. Again and again, the sweat was really rolling. Seems I never really noticed myself being so nervous until that point. In which case, my teacher handed a handkerchief off. After using it, he took such thing back into his pocket. Our conversation continued.

I agreed the Island Community was more Government, yet regardless, the Iron Moth was separate. They agreed. Everyone had their right in belief, putting me on edge if their were Iron Moth loyalists. But that lasted only a short time, soon the curious side got me. What was the Military and Government? He answered effectively. Supposedly, the UHEG or commonly referred to as the Government was a group of select individuals who used money to controlling humanity. Eliminating all those in their way. On the other hand, the ATTO or commonly referred to as the Military was a group of commoners who worked as one. Eliminating the need for money, sought freedom through values of one another. Everyone serving, a person who could fulfill a desire. From plumping, farming, accounting, driving, hotels, weapons, welding, medical, anything they needed. They would educate you to help others that would help you. Again the Government was a group that only found value in a select few, killing the rest or leaving them to slowly die off. Luckily the Military was around. Or the Government would of overtaken humanity, the Mind 10, ruling all that we perceived as Earth. That's what he stated, though I didn't understand what ATTO meant. Letting it go had been what happened, lost in thought.

As for business, I brought up the Sheen Que Corporation as an example. Why wasn't there a Military company like that Government associated sour eye. He answered again, fully. The Military island of Sperack was only land. Territory of both organizations mentioned changed daily, that a war broke out years ago. Peaces was called forth, only to put the bloodshed under the table instead of publicly visible. As for the companies, the Military had secret ways of operating, only those in the higher ups knew what really happens. He didn't know or was not authorized to say. Which I both understand and respected his decision. Yet only pressed onward, questing my side of this post war. On were their levels in an organization that was suppose to be free and equal. Once again, answered.

Though not after some playing of a table game among us. Even if my mood was serious, tried to have fun. While we played, our conversation still progressed. Mainly by my nagging.

The Military, like anything else that was human needed maintenance. Like the Government had the Mind 10, our organization had its secret leaders. Which also explains why the Military stays silent, allowing their enemies to roar. Never has one ever let the other take control, no matter the situation, not yet at least. Then he sighed. Saying, that's why my father and other lower Military aligning families had cancer symptoms. They were all so ashamed, when I realized what they told me. Even though our family as with the others on the island were on the side of the one we supposed and believed in. To both guide up in despair as with prosperity, they were informed about the cancer equipment and attack upon the island.

They explained further, even though I highly regarded they didn't. It was the very pitiful reason my teacher accepted to treat my father. Not to mention, I reminded him of his own daughter, what is she got caught up in the same situation. The orders came, either one would follow or is left to die, they chose. Which I couldn't hate them for, at least they told me this much, which explained completely the funds they received from the higher officials of the ATTO or Military.

That was the dinner at my teachers, this Saturday. Cheerful, depressing, and yet informing. One question still lingers, why didn't Brourge ever say anything about this matter in his books or mentioned something. I mean, shit, he must of known. My whole world is just falling apart, day by day. Why me?

What is Brourge? My heads splitting apart, I need answers.

March 24, 2137UH

Now onto the day, the one of two from which Brourge gambled our relationship on. I made it there in the morning. Early as I could, yet still obtaining breakfast with my family before leaving. Brourge was in the bar, working, the bartender pointed the way into the backroom. Near the stairs to the second story portion of the building. With stepping lightly, and adjusting my glasses, Brourge called for me. From the top steps, after calling his own name, slightly, I followed. Slowly, holding onto the rail, though he was no where in sight. Reaching the top step, I looked around in the darkness. Half expected those damn police imbeciles to arrive as before. That seemed to be the only reason I would usually be granted access behind scene.

Brourge's shady hand motioned for me to follow into that very same room we used to escape. Last time, again, we were alone in that dark place. Once in the room though, looking into the darkness, the door slammed behind me. Soon, I was held strongly by hands in a hug, as my love's gentle voice whispered. "Welcome to your revilement", followed by a few chuckle.

After the initial, shock of being taken, I began to laugh to. Until our lips came into one another. Our tongues merged, yet he kept an annoying grip over me. So I'd stay forward, so these arms kept himself untouched. Soon he was tussling me over to the window, together we spoke in whispers. He then lid open the window, we climbed out. He closed the window again. Then we quietly walked along the edge until he jumped off, when reaching the right side of the bar. Landing upon the ground, looking up at me with his arms open wide and wide eyes. I leaped as well, he then stepped back allowing me to hit the ground. Yet landing on my feet surprisingly. Never the less, started to yell at him without end. For allowing me to fall, he only stood there. Waving his hands about, while I continued with my roar. He asked, when my shouting ceased, how did it feel.

Our conversation then grew, in more absorbing curiosity. Then another little comment of his had been, did it hurt. Looking around myself as he began giggling, in such a sweet sense. Almost girlish, yet tender. Though at that time, I was pissed off, and growing with annoyance just didn't help the situation. From the sun shining day into the minutes following, with subtle laughs in between. He finally told me about what we were trying to guess that entire time. The jump, or leap, which I did from a two story building, why was it not at all painful? When he did mention that important detail, my head exploded in questions.

Which he did dismiss after garbing my mystified hand, allows us to walk with each other toward the back of the bar. Then we continued toward the cave, yet only after we stopped for a moment. Where his solving wisdom evoked such excitement from within me. "How does it feel to have awoken, Ploon?"

Those words seemed to just lift me into his arms, which he actually did. We walked to the cave, with myself hanging in such a grasp as his own. I stared into his eyes, resting comfortably on his shirt outlined chest, what did this mean? Were we about to.....finally, in the cave, allow our first sexual experience fly!  
That's all my mind could ponder, wished, dreamt, desired, wanted, sought, found to be the only satisfaction in life. With Brourge, he fulfilled me, everything about him. Yet, that would have to be our most....hmmm.

For the time, we began to talk about what was happening this day in our session together. I sort of drifted in and out. We were going to reveal our souls to one another, which I is what I happened to learn later on. Before sleeping in those arms of his, he then dropped me. Apparently my reflexes are not as superb as I once thought. Landing on my ass, drifty my black and white stripped blouse. So helped me to my feet, then we started down the cave's staircase. Reaching the bottom, with the way lit as always by those lights behind the walls. I saw something odd, on a stone table was a simple enclosed brown box. We sort of played a wonderful game of chase before he threw it into one of the water pools near by. In which case we just stood there. He asked if I wanted to know so badly to jump in.

With flashbacks of jumping in one of those pools before did not fancy me anymore then before. Which at that point I just was playing dumb, trying to not let my fear show. If only remembering, he knew everything before I knew it. So, every event from there should have been predicted. Never the less, he nudged me closer and closer to one of those water pools. He'd even tired weird high pitch voices, with movements to distract my unwillingness. To go anywhere near the pools. Soon, nearing the edge of those very frightening portals of my past. He started to undress himself. I looked at him, with such a wide unknown gaze. He asked why I was just standing around, was there something on my mind. That last portion was spoken very sarcastically too. Which should of clued me in on the whole, he knew what I knew, sort of deal. Yet nope, I looked away ashamed. At that point the through all his folded clothes into the pool before us. I ignored, but questioned it.

I even tried to changed the subject, that is before his hands, lower member, and body enclosed itself around me. Blushing, wishing for it to come, though.....we stuck to my distraction. Which indeed Brourge even called it the distraction. So I went along with my little known schme, saying how embarrassed I was. People on the bus today, were calling and mention how pale, ugly I was to be an Asian. As if they would know, but that did happen on the morning bus ride. However, this little play of mine. Shattered at the very instant that was his reply. So tender, spirited, patterned passion, resistibly soothing to every touch. He replied with "It makes no difference to me, that their real selves within, meant the world over any fleshy appearances", that was the message that got to me. Oh, I'm sure his words were much more soothing to my soul, because then we held on another. Standing, we we're butter in each other's arms. Then he leaned, more and more more. With a big grin over his face, as I panicked, screaming while splashing into the pools cloud water.

I went from pissed off, soothed, then pissed of again in less then an hour. I was in hell, it must have been that damn cave, which by the way. I look hideous, then again, perhaps the whole situation really surprised me at that time. Considering the bastard I love, took a picture of us, while in the water, from that little unopened brown box of his. The very same he threw into the pool moments before we literally dropped in. I've been staring at that picture all day after our session. Anyhow, back to the pool. The bastard, Brourge, just dropped us into the pool from which almost gave me a heart attack on impact. If not for my lovely, I would of died instantly. No doubt in my mind.

Giving him such a nasty look, yet still aroused by those muscular exposed curves. In the water, it all seemed clearer then before. I went from silent to yelling till out of breath, which being underwater had no difference as if on land. We just floated there, waiting while I took a breather. He asked me a question. Which had been why he wanted me in this pool, did I know?

Shaking my head in a negative fashion, he responded.

"For our revilement of our souls to one another in harmony and relaxation"

To which I held back my outrageous comments upon the supernatural, quietly laughing within.

With in an instant, we both were passionately inseparable, as we hugged in the water. Then laugher came in as anger swept out from under us. That was not the only thing that disintegrated, allowing our nude bodies caress the other's. My clothes were gone, as with my glasses and purse. Anger stayed, I struggled against his grasp, freaking out as usual. Then at the sound of his voice, I stopped, he then explained. That what I always wanted, would come to pass if I would only follow. Be the trusting loyal lover that I've been, allow possibilities, before this event occurred. He guaranteed a marvelous entry into the new beginning of my life. Which will forever end what I have always hated, that of course being myself. Soon, while Brourge held my hand, we began drifting to the bottom, the dark cloud fitted bottom of the water pool. I pulled away. Stationary once again, he asked what was wrong. In which I confessed shamely to coming into this pool. Without him some time ago, and have kept it hidden till now. It just didn't feel right withholding that information, from my love of all people.

We began to descended again at my surprise, into that darkness as he forgave me. Then admired that was a very loyal act, but next would have to be disciplined through punishment as he also already known. Our hands were entwined, imbedded, my grip was a lot stronger then his own. As it got darker, and the light shrunk, time stood still. He was right, the water, or pool itself, didn't feel as it had before. No, more of a fluttering motionless flowing river within. That's exactly as it felt. No other way to both decided the physical and emotional sensation of what I longed for to occur. It was tonight, down in the dark, he would take me. I just knew he would. No other thoughts touched me. Then again, neither did he.

At one point, while gilding to the pool's bottom, I found my tight grip held nothing but the cloud water surrounding us. My sight, say nothing but the darkness, no sound, light, even I couldn't hear myself. So, again, another freak out broke me down. Waving around, screaming bubbles, struggling from a fate that I couldn't see. Nothing was to my witness, not even my own limbs that flopped around like wild animals, through fearfulness. Where did he go, then his voice echoed , " relax". I breathed deeply, as my tearing eyes watered. Yet the feeling, was absent in the darkness. That I needed to trust him, again his comforting voice shattered my shaking unsteadiness. As the heavy breathing continued, yet clamed, my eye sight didn't matter any in the dark. For I tried looking, seeking Brourge out in that abyss. There was no luck.

It got worse, as I stood there or perhaps even floated, time only passed. I began to get very nervous when trying to call out. Not being able to hear myself, move, or even see for that matter. This course came to the idea that his clothes should have been down at the bottom. Where we both were, supposedly. So when I checked, well. That's what occurred, boredom took me and strangled the stableness out. Luckily, his hands of warm touched my finger tips, he ordered me not to move, which I obeyed without question. If not for that particular moment, I was on the verge of a heart attack if not a mental breakdown. Again, such a subtle voice, Brourge told me it might get a little weird. That I should just relax, or it will hurt for a while. With a sudden warm over my backside, he disappeared. Something approached then...

Something very odd and creepily yet calming occurred as my lover, Brourge. Who spoke in the fluffy waters to me to relax. My entire body was pressurized in a tight warm layered leather or latex type material, except no taste, smell, of such a thing. Yet it was a comforting blanket sensation, however I then noticed another sensation that obviously surprised me. Upon my hand now holding my love. It was changing, not the fact that he stopped caressing my hand, more of the texture of his skin slowly changed. Thought it might have been the whole pressured blanket feeling around me. However was Brourge doing this? It could of been mostly him, he was not normal that's for sure. Worse, tingling sensations of limps and portions of myself that weren't there before. That didn't fucking exist until now, terror blasted through me in that very instant. Which was a subtle way of freaking out.

In my panic I grabbed onto anything I was able and held on for dear life. Again in such darkness, being blinded to everything except what could be felt through those risen unseen portion, each of which my countless limbs wrapped themselves around Brourge. Such a furry thing he turned out being felt as that of a bird. Yet that covering was upon the deeper feathers that expanded out when his reach was around me. Then mine over his own. What a bizarre feeling it had been, scales near and on his lower half. Something I'd not felt, what thoughts ran through my mind, I do not know where to have begun. Was this the result of a experience beyond what humanity has allowed itself. Have I reached my own limitation of human sensation, such similar and even more so wacky ideas and questions ran through my mind without a moment to spare. In a matter of seconds we were tangled with him at the center, yet I felt my touch continuously move from his skin to off into the water surrounding. More or less belief was twitching or my entire body seemed to have been shaking. My love spoke something to me, which had been calming of those nerves. I giggled as he began to lick me with such a twisted tongue, though where he had done so was odd in and of it. He told me to relax and enjoy this first moment of sheer pleasure beyond compare.

What he was doing was never seen by my very eyes, felt with every extent that one, human or otherwise could feel. It was what imagination had been crafted from, a fantasy world coming true. Tickles, licks, caressing, struggles, pounding, playful little hide and seeks, with him always the leader dominant arising as the victor. What I couldn't forget, was that bound me to fall from this play land of unknown sensations to humanity limited reality. Thoughts and questions was what I had been referring to. Firstly what was happening along with how could this be happening.

Being unable to see anything visually might have been a disadvantage. But his thrusting brought me to another phase of who I saw who might have been me. Throbbing, wanting more, trying to match those thrusts that clearly desired myself. Something else, new pain, from within me, followed by lust. So interchangeable they were, like co dependent allies. Taking their turns when finally opening me wide. It grew, the feeling, with each tender caressing from he. Of course it didn't last long, on him being solo, my own partaking on the pleasurably delightful activity. Eventually, the rising pleasure within me expanded, more and more. I reached a climax, leaving me huffing out of breath. As the fluttering sensation of sorts, took hold. I was swimming within myself, that was of that river. Warm to the touch, soothing a more ever second, relaxation found. It was so damn weird, in such a aspiring way. Nothing compared to this point, now that I look back upon it. Oh, such a compression, released, an explosion within. Lasting for hours on end. Why did I ever wait for sex? Its just beyond words of any near description.

ALSO I DIDN'T BLACK OUT!!! Fantastic!

Soon everything came to a stop, we just held one another. I think, that's what happened. Considering the extra limbs I had, we sort of floated perhaps. Since he and I were entangled in each other's grip. Which by the way, at the time I wasn't able to see a thing. Then with a simple flash from the pool's bottom. I gained a glimpse of what had been us. Shocked, once again, not that surprising really. Though I got an idea of what I had been, soul form wise. A large several large tentacle limbed, jellyfish, with a subtle dark blue coloring. Which was, odd enough to accept as it could of ever been but I had done so. Which now explains those materialized figures from before, collected on my shelf. That I look at when getting up in the morning. Brourge must of always knew I was such a creature. However, as for him. Being a tall, I do mean Tall non winged bird, long necked, and thick large scaled feet. Its actually hard to describe, at least his face and lower portions. The flash lasted on an insta9int he was looking at the camera.

Which after we got out of the pool, he gave me printed photo from the device he stole away. Bastard, tricked me, but yeah that's the exact picture I've been talking about. Which of course I yelled my lungs out at him for that trickery. But now, after looking up Brourge's soul formation. I found he does not exist in any record that was available through the Minformation database. He even told me, before, in our talks. Life forms of earth were the souls of humans, nothing more or less. Which brings the question, is Brourge really even human anymore? I believe surely that he is the one I'll love beyond any other. My sense says so, daily, maybe even hourly haven't been keeping track all the time. I'm still an unbeliever that had been either of us in that dark pool's bottom.

I'll be placing the photo in this page. A remembrance of those precious moment in utter satisfaction. Through sensational experiences known by very few in this world, most importantly shared by my love and I. As for the night after the first sexual experience, revilement, and awakening into my new life. We left the pool, changing as we reached the surface, though I was not wet. And on the stone table upon the cave wall. Was a pile of our clothes, my own and his. Surprised yet I followed Brourge's body, I never noticed that toned body of his, a black white tattoo of a hourglass over his center backside. As with all sorts of embedded scars of sizes and shapes. I almost began crying at how horrible his life must be. Whatever he's doing in life, its not just dealing with his family bar's worldwide circulation. It had to do with something life threatening. With that thought, we changed in front of one another in complete silence. Pondering about he, the ATTO and UHEG. How did this soul stuff have anything to do with this world, how it changed, that humanity has been in their grasps. Most importantly, why has my love never mentioned such horrors. Significant changes, am I not worthy to know, even ready? He's always the one saying to be more open, trusting, and loyal. Yet how can that even occur, when one lies out of their teeth.

Finding my purse around the stone table, finding it was perfectly fine. My clothes were as if brand new, surprising enough I found the same with Brourge's coverings. Looking over at him, he had such a serious gaze into the ceiling above. I joined in on his little spacey stare. I found bones, weapons, imbedded into the rock cavern that we stood in. Then we finally started to talk once walking out of the cave's entrance. Walking to the bar, we talked, but I asked a few question and he explained briefly. As we approached the bus stop near the bar. Never the less I was not satisfied by such a vague explanation of his and those little riddles. I would have to think to come up with a answer that I desired. Saying it was our experiences and or the natures will that leads us to change into the forms from which we fulfill. We are what we are from the day after the plant spins around and around again. Not entirely sure what to make of, though I know full well he'll tell me later. Yet I don't like waiting much.

Upon the bus, more sickly, in my mind. Twirling with questions, looking for answers, wishing they would just die. Arriving home at a usual time. Greeted by my family, ate dinner with them, thinking of father. Never have I stared at that gift, of a miniature jellyfish stature then I did this night before going into my bedded sheets of comfort. What a day of days, that'll be remembered for such a time to come. I took so long trying to protect that snap shot of our true forms through a modification and placing it into this diary. It was unreal just the same, how will this turn out. Entering into the unknown like this, through love, logic being thrown out the window. But at least, I'm progressing, and have awakened by Brourge's account.

March 25, 2137UH

The sun had been shining bright this day, taking hold of the island without mercy. A bit hotter then usual this time of year. Might of even been a temperature record perhaps, not really sure anymore, it had been completely irrelevant. For today Brourge presented me with something grand, the very thing I've been after for so long. Seems my suspicions were blessedly blasted into bits by surprise.

Firstly, we found ourselves at the island's airport, embarrassing it had been my first time even visiting such a place. The large see through metalized fence entrance, shifted open. Myself being a bit nervous, my left hand slightly latched onto my Hourglass's arm. While we drove into the airport itself. My jaw had dropped at the sight of such busy busy. From colored plants and animals in shapes of sizes. Weapons, guards, ships, planes, moving equipment, civilian, military, government, just everyone moving about in chaos. The car's engine we rode in couldn't even be heard. Yet the smell and sights were undiscerning ingrained into memories of aww. We discussed a bit here and there, as if entering into another kingdom itself. I was so occupied in looking about could barely listen to his words. Unfortunately, should of done otherwise, a bit of regret already. There had also been other key notices, Sheen Que logos and uniformed persons, those green clothed people with the grasping hand image gave me odd looking glares, then of course the people coughing about.

Their hands reaching up over their mouths as if sneezing, again, and again. But we finally pulled up to a group of professionally military uniformed persons. Of all sizes, ages, and genders. All in front of a large helicopter. We halted after riding up to the bunch, of course I'd been overly nervous. Then again, considering what had been told too me directly. Had a right too be so, though the rest of the time had been admiring the two bladed helicopter. My Hourglass went along into the crowd before us. They dropped their weapons, cards, and other mixture of items that satisfied their boredom before our arrival.

After getting out of the car, and finding a seat on a folded out metal bench. Watching the crowd in their chaotic welcoming of a fellow brother in arms. Just then the question of his allegiance had brightened up. Still unanswered though, yet that's when they came. Those two big fuckers. A large women, muscle had literary been seeping out of her worn uniform. I greeted her polity as she stared in disgust. Her facial expression just spent out pure insult into my being. As she examined who and how I had been seated. Those puffed lips, large forehead, and uplifting eyes of hate. She seemed angered the entire time we talked. Which when she responded, her native tongue was not recognizable. It was a different, illegal langrage. As Brourge wrote of in his book and personally mentioned. But as I said another large, yet smaller then her in comparison. Translated our conversation, I tired too smile and laugh she didn't. That's if the bitch had been a women in the first place.

That conversation, and only conversation with the twits. Which left my dagger dwindling above my head 20 feet up. Felt it hovering over me, just in case. Just seeing and sensing it made my heart blast within itself into bits. They told me, or perhaps that women, stated I'd been a selfish cunt who should mind my own fucking business, and go back sucking cock. Leaving the real women too war and everything else that would be considered empowering. Not their exact words, yet god damn it, close enough. Luckily they left and my man came back in no time. Before a potential black out and revilement of my natural true identity. Even if I knew they all were something beyond a human, things would of gotten ugly. Anyhow, yes I had been sitting and admiring the helicopter trying too keep my cool. Then my love, hourglass, came around as mentioned.

He directed me into the back of that very same elegant militarized helicopter. The back ramp had been on the ground. He said my surprise would be waiting inside. After a quick kiss, tongue and all, we went our separate ways. I went inside the darkness, hoping my dagger would be in hand just in case this had been a funny little test of his. Or worse, one of those people, maybe loads. Who have something against me. Could be waiting for a entrapment of little of me. Glad there hadn't been. Till I realized, that particular night vision of mine hadn't been used for some stupid reason. So after getting that going, I walked up too a small table in the middle of the lunch room. Or whatever they call it, the ramp room. There sat a plain vase and letter. Picking up the later, which I still have. Since it had been shoved in my pocket moments afterwards. It read:

Ploon, dearest

I've finally believe that you've proven yourself more then worthy for being collared as one my followers. Even more so, my loving partner. My Switch, as you'll be known, here's the proof in the vases bottom.

Spool it out!! Claim what's rightfully yours!!

Picking up the vase, looking inside slightly. There laid a bracelet, my smile and excitement grew even more unattainable. Flipping the thing upside down, shaking out the poof of my desire into such a grasp of mine. Overjoyed, in the dark alone with the bracelet in hand. Time stood still, nearly, while I took in the partnerships formation. There, here, this very day and moment. Our love would flourish as Switch and he, Hourglass. Suddenly, Brourge, my lovely had put his hands around my waist as we tangled in the moment, alone together.

My face had been so blushing in red emotional explosions, that couldn't be held. We spoke, of our names and reasoning's. The bracelet of rock from the very same cave of mysterious miracles of life. He placed such a relic of time, that was and will be, around my forearm. The feeling pinched at first. Till numbing the sensation away, but it stuck there quite efficiently . Not sure how or why, but its still there. Even this very instant. Finally I've been worthy by the who has my heart in his hands of royal delicacy.

Of course he left soon after, into that howling crowd outside. Which I decided too go straight for the car, after looking around at the sights and sounds in the surrounding environment of the new world. At last in my life, most certainly not everyone else's. But soon after, Brourge got into the car and had the engine started. Everyone said their goodbyes as the sun hovered over us. The time surely had flown by. Eventually we went off into a new place of surprises. The cave, behind Brourge's bar. We both got out, and a test began.

Brourge disappeared, I head a few noises, hair on my arms and legs stood up. There was danger, my sense couldn't have ever been more right. But my dagger didn't appear, looking around myself. A noise came from the inside of the cave itself. So crustily I went over, walking up to the entrance before that bastard pushed me down the steps. Hitting the bottom, my legs were swollen if not broken. Couldn't walk much if at all, tried in the dark. And my night vision wasn't responding just as my dagger had been. They were gone, speaking of the torches on the walls. Yeah, fucking pitch black, and the noise of the monster that pushed me down the hole into a non pain free world. Was Brourge himself, in his soul's true form. That two legged, long necked bird.

One thing led to another, trying too hop and crawl around as he relentlessly beat me into a black out. Which never did occur though it could be felt rising within me, but then I heard running water, a cloud pool near by. So of course ran into one of them, before the beast caught me again. Changed into my jellyfish biological formation, as I guess it could be called such a thing. And rammed Brourge into ground once with one whack of a enormous purple tentacle. He was At which point all lights came on into their usual state in the cave, my dagger returned floating around me as if nothing peculiar ever happened. Brourge and I, after reverting back to our human bodies, talked heavily about what occurred and why it happened.

Pissed me off that he pulled the stunt, then again it had been an adrenaline rush of my life. Not too mention, passed proving ultimately my worthiness in Hourglass's eyes. He had talked to my other self and controlled the entire cave ensure the stage was set. Too see if I could handle myself under hostile and ultimately unfair conflicting conditions. Controlling my souls formation, by using the first experience. The trigger for my change of being into the Jellyfish, which sadly turned out being water. Which isn't a easy nor simple material too use in ones early training in graining self control over their natural selves. I'd been upset in knowing, it would take a bit longer till the basics could be taught significantly. Though I knew, Brourge, my Hourglass would be able too pull anything off. All he needs is my patience, which will always be granted regardless!

Speaking of which, the most embarrassing part of the day. Which the sun was gone by the time I left. My jelly soul formation stayed, even after getting out of the pool. Worst he teased me about being unable too change back, joked, we talked a bit more. Till tag was played, following more games. Till he preformed a technique that morphed me into human form once again. From which we played about, it the usual. Sucking, thrusting, and cuddling in the sands, talking the night away.

What a wonderful memory embracing days too remember. I am now Switch and proudly wear this bracelet of proof that our bonding grace together for the remaining days that are too come. Hourglass never ceases too amaze me, nor dust up questions by a dozen more. Though at least my many worries of acceptance has been lifted, with love in hand.

_-March 30, 2137UH

The week itself was only a simple blur, though I had Brourge's arm around me. In essence, there was such fulfillment in such a thing as we walked from the bar. Yet to my surprise it was not to the cave or the silo, nor anything familiar. It had been in the direction of the few small topped mountains that resided on the Island. We just walked, and walked, and walked a bit more. Though it didn't seem too last that long as one would of thought or I'm saying it would of, not at all, more along the lines of minutes even if we eclipsed over an hour.

I mean, besides the whole teasing and intimacy between Brourge and myself,. On such a deeply snow covered field, there had been plenty of excitement brought into the situation. Even if he'd only resulted in teasing, how so, one might ask. Teling me about what we'd be doing upon reaching the mountains base. Before that point we did do something more amusing then I'd ever suspect. Placing most of his attention on the shape of the clouds, landscape in general. Seeing who could make the most appealing picture in our minds that we could create from above, it all was actually very craving. I thought, since the start of our walk through that wasteland had been boring, besides being with the person closest too my heart. It distracted us enough, allowing the enjoying of time together.

In no time, we were at a small opening of a cave, he explained to me this was not the same type of cave as the one we usually huddle within. This was just a simple, normal, non mystical place in the base of a mountain. As he walked in, I waited outside of it, not entirely sure why but that's what happened. Perhaps basic instant told me something was very wrong with this cave, mainly in the fact of life that might have been dwelling in the mountains underbelly. Of course it only took Brourge one glace at me to realize what was wrong. Which in essence, pissed me off that he read my thoughts so willingly. Least my man knows what I want without something having to be said or done all damn time. Marked from sis's experiences. Glad she taught me so much, would of surely been lost by now without her.

Still wary and confused, both Brourge and I walked into the cave before us. Though his words spoke of care, they still brought me upon being alerted. Saying that indeed, animals dwelled in the grounds from which we were standing. However, they feared humans, naturally. Even more so, considering our state of being had been above such persons. Of which they feared, already. Both comfort and yet awareness fled into me, and bottled up as we move in further, till echoes sounded. Darkness overcame the light, and we were cut off from the world outside. One side, laid the darkness of any such natural caves. The other side had been the land rained down by the sky above. My known world, yet there we sat, he starched while I only stood watching with care.

Regardless, I still felt out of place even if they sorcery had been peacefully amusing in a naturally crafted sense. My vision wasn't as darkened or blurred, though it should of been. Perhaps just another superior moment of realization of many. Checking around, the cracks and dripping dampness in every unsolid fitting that made up the entire caves inner presence. Damn being nocturnal is such a pleasing enjoyment. Nothing was hanging about when Brourge finally addressed me in a "its time" sort of thing.

He wanted us too fight a bit more, practice our skills. But quickly, my keen mind had so many unanswered questions dwelling in my own being as we both were doing so about this cave. He sighed, yet cheered up. Smiling again, flexing that scar, and walking normally again out of his fighting stance. So our four hour conversation spun further, into answer questions. Expanding my knowledgeable wisdom of the world around us. Mainly myself, that damn punk, being so much younger yet having me playing the role of the dog needing too be trained. Though it's most certainly a cute concept, its still a nerving aspect biting at me in the back of me. Something I can't live down or accept. He just doesn't add up too what my sister always told me about younger men. Or men in general, being soo....foolish, closed minded, self obtained, and hopelessly uncommitted.

Why is Brouge so different? Maybe that's part of being a Freak, different lifestyle in comparison too the norm. How could we all be so natural and yet handed such hatefulness. Just a concept that's skipping from my belief that humanity is so cruel. Mysterious unlocked daily by my love, our connection could be a portion from which will answer such questions. Though even I'm unsure anymore, hate too admit it but everything turning out too be a lie is just ridiculous.

Anyhow our discussion abruptly ended when a bone chilling wind came flowing into the cave. In which Brourge had me latching onto him for warmth. I asked him while enticingly pleading, if we could move further inward. Which his eyes closed and that horrid explanation occurred. "There's a difference in waking animals and confronting them". Which then my hands were stuck in place, bond together by some latching cord. That felt so warm, he was watching for a moment like that I suspect. His laughter came blowing into the air around us, apparently my expression had been pricelessly amusing. Perhaps, after let me walk about bond, and my hopeless attempts might brought upon us such giggling tales. By the way, my own chuckles came out when he had nearly fallen into the snow covered dirt. Ultimately, my left foot shot up into the cave's inner wall.

Effortlessly he dodged me, my attempt, landing me up against the wall. While his hands felt out my inner thigh, under my skirt, and into my jackets shirt. Every time I tried and halted his movements, putting my stretched out and tired leg down upon the ground again. His own hands ensured their placement. As he licked his lips, while my puffed in blossoming red. As the coming intimacy would surely leave me dripping upon the natural earth below us. Such a firm gasp, unbuttoning my jacket, passionately teasing me every few seconds that passed.

Before any of my thoughts could be expressed, his fingers touch upon my unbuttoned jacket's shirt caused me too just several times. Oh, yet nothing chilled came from him, only fired warmth that grew with each stroke over the most sensitive of portions that I valued most. How could he been heated in a way where gloves were absently known. Soon his arm compete encircled around my waist replacing the jackets matierzied feeling entirely. Thrusting me upwards, allowing my leg too fall. He and I were up to the other. His lift of me from the group felt like such a coiled pressure. Such temptation too hold him, yet my bonds reminded me of his controlling desired principle. Which I heeded no mind, our kissing lips and tongues alike mingling mischief. While his snakery arm, found its way around my left breasts nipple. Squeezing it too such a delight, causing such a bloating feeling within, longing for more. Urges bursting forward in redness all over, eyes closed, a dripping tongue, and mutual lips below.

If only those sort of moments could last forever, but they don't. Sadly enough. Brourge stepped away from me, after granting me standing upon the cold ground. Yet I waiting patiently, sucking in my stomach, perking out such breasts, wishing for his next advancement. It would of certainly had too be vigorous and arousing. In a sense, I'd been granted what I desired, his left knee plummeted me in the stomach and afterwards fell into the dirt. The shocking pain forced a gasping for breath and looking around for whatever might of came next. Yet there my love had been. Standing a few feet away, his eyes sparked with a glairing alive sparking stare. It might have been an exciting insanity, though I only tired too get too my feet. Surely, this was another test. As it was, in a way, he never really explained much of anything.

He turned around, showing me his own hands. They were bond with the same latching material as my own. It was a rivalry of feet, more or less. Self explanatory it had been, though the comparison had been a mismatch. Brourge's a master at anything below the waist. Or at least, hes not proven otherwise.

He then told me to kick him as hard as I wished to come at him with all I had, he snickered and stated that if I could bring him to his knees I could do as I wished with his body, my wish would be his command. Basically the fucker was teasing me, knowing full well I was urging for sexual interaction and he was playing off this to bring out the best in me, in any case I didn't want to disappoint, besides from what I recall, this sort of interaction was a real thriller in a rush and high that really brought out the breast within me. Which was the reason I was in sports mainly. By the way, why do I keep on trying to see if I can predict what he wants and is going to do before we actually do such a thing, firstly he's not every other guy and secondly he can read minds apparently, the bastard.

Thus I ran forward and planted my foot upon his backside, he didn't flinch or even move an inch, I'd known from that moment where I would be on the pole, actually I began to sweat heavily. He only stood there, asking for me to try again, I did, ended up hitting the wall and landing upon my own backside getting my coat coated in dirt, snow, and gravel. I couldn't believe how fast he was or could be if he put his mind to it. He held himself back from stomping onto my stomach again, he asked for me to thank him, I did, continuously. Thus he unbounded my hands, sticking his ass in my face to do so as I was still laying on the ground and had to put my hands up into the air, though I was disappointed, laughed at the thought several times. Only figured that Brourge would have used his feet to undo my bonds, yet he didn't, only those bond hands of his own freed me, which was still an overall surprise.

Getting up, he asked if there would be anything I could offer, since this happened too be his victory. His feet became bare less, as both ragged shoes were tossed against the cave wall. He then took his natural stance in the frozen dirt and snowy gravel. Indeed we smiled toward one another. Playing with my hair while turning away from he, my lover. As I spoke aloud, stating, my body, any portion he desired would be without limitation for his achievement. By the way, upon saying such words, with only his toed feet....he striped the rest of those clothes till I'd been completely bare. It was an amazing spectacle, might have been minutes or seconds. Time meat nothing while his advancement furthered. Unfortunately, he didn't take my virginity, thrusting me into submission. Just more of the, lovely, sensational thing.

Though in the middle, while bringing me too blush into such embarrassing redness at his tender us touches. He asked me something, I was not what I had been expecting of him, it had to do with what was the difference of sexual arousal and sensation, I had to answer such a thing or he'd leave me in the cold wind outside the cave. Which personally, is something not far from his actual movements if necessary.

Unsure of where my mind might have been at that time, yet damn sure it couldn't answer such a question too that which was expected of me. Yet attempts count toward more then nothing at all. But I failed in my reply, the mindset for such an answer had been as expected. Not sure if hes just trying too piss me off or educate me. Unsure, truly, but my reply had been something along the lines of. One induces arousal and the other pleasure, which had been wrong. So the cold winded, frustrating lecture of my love, Brourge, began.

His exact words, basically. "Sexuality, is the animalistic means of feeling pleasure yet its been fabricated by society into anything that repeats pleasure. Even its truly just sensational, which indeed could easily involves the genitals or any form of penetration. However, in all cases I find most if not all desiring that feeling of pleasure. Wanting too always have an orgasm, which isn't the point of sensational exploration. Its too allow one too chose, escape from the tragic curtain fed confusion of society and the masses that support it into the ignorant place which many live and develop into. Peer pressure doesn't help, with nature urging us into sex before we realize what we've done or have been doing. Sensations, are everything from both physical and emotional, which is very much diversed with choices when intimate with yourself or others. Focusing on certain fetishes of naturality, feelings beyond anything sex related, in fact the awareness of imagery. Which is the determiner of everything that's pleasure or pain. Its all in ones head. Along with asking questions and plain comprehension...in the end, sexuality will always be a simple portion of sensations.", which I still wonder why he hates or dislikes "sex" so much? I know we both want it, what a weird feeling this is. Sometimes, as if I'm not good enough or something? Though I can't him that. He'll lecture me or punish his views into me again. It'll have too wait.

In the end, I accepted a punishment and didn't get too orgasm till later on. When relived something atop of the cave. Large pulleys with ropes hanging around. After which, while still nude, he strung me up. Into the air, hanging by my tied wristed hands. Held tightly in place, as the other ends of such restraints were staked into the ground and secured around heavy blocks of cement. Following such precautions, he watched me as my shivered yet aroused state of being grew larger and expanded outward. In which we preformed examples of his lecture. About sexual and sensational. Now that I look, the quotes that I had too recited were the very same from his written words in the book he granted me. Ohh the chilled winds both heightened my feeling and numbed the discomfort away. Whipping, had been my punishment, which brought me a high unlike anything sexual ever before. The feeling of pleasure overflowing from my being, lifting me higher and higher. Too the point of not being in reality. No where near cold, the wind, yet soaking in the sun upon a sun warmed beach in summer. The cool air flexing me into oblivion and upon my return, awaking in his arms. My lovers, grasp holding no longer held by those ropes, so passionately awaking myself from the dreamful heightened state in a place unknown.

Whispering in his ear, while my vision blurred without clarity. Not sure what I said, but he replied. "And you didn't even get penetrated or orgasmed, too reach beyond anything ever before. Sensations are the future of humanity, you'll see...it what we do instead of just sexual animalistic nonsense", I believe my nodded head he accepted. From which later he told me I looked as if I'd fallen off a mountain top. Glad this months reward had been something unlike anything else before, cuddling into the warm loving arms of comfort. Never thought a whipping could be as satisfying, then again he'd been the one striking every blow with the leather in hand. Guess it shouldn't be all that surprising. His image alone causes me too drip in anticipation!!

Brourge, never leave!!!

***

CHAPTER 4 APRIL

_-April 6, 2137UH

Over the week, I wore Brourge's symbol, which represented, our bond between us. Never have I taken such a thing off, yet, sadly I found myself alone. Surely, now I had a man. Though not married, and Jenny being gone. One thought came along, stating hooking up some friendly persons would ease the time of waiting. While my love is elsewhere, for I know how busy he gets. So I went, this entire month so far, to the library. Conversing with George Ganst again and again. Even though we've been seeing and hung around one another in school along with the island meetings. Never have we really had the time to settle down and just talk about things. We did just that, as with also conducting my research on the side. Expanding wisdom, knowledge about the world and most importantly the life within.

Unfortunately during the same week, had a switch moment of so, at the library. Unable to sit down in one of their chairs. Drove me a little nuts, luckily a shrub was nearby. It really did sooth me. Walking from the library one night, I found myself stalking a man. He was a complete stranger in my mind. Well, I knocked him out from behind, while in a dark patch, throwing him into the yard of some stranger's in on my street. From there I nearly, raped him. He was wimpy, skinny, darker shaded, but I stopped myself. Realizing what I was doing for it was too late. He was regaining consciousness, jabbed him in the face. Transporting myself to the very same spot in my own families yard. At first, woozy, bit surprised that it even worked. Damn miracle I'd say, simply blinking your eyes and wishing for another destination of your choosing. A little too easy thought, surely there has to be on the other end. Balancing it out. For instance, one can't fly, without the possibility of falling.

Though, I told myself during the empty week without Brourge. Well, I needed some friend time, without him. A break, more or less. One again, during the week. While my last class for the day came to a close, in which I was reading Brourges's latest book gift he sent me. Speaking of which, either the material in class is getting simpler or I'm learning more effectively, but I read until class ended. I had mastered George's route, so I waited behind one of the pillars near his car. Then as he approached, jumping out in front of him, such a spook. Indeed, his face and body widened then sort of withdrew, enlarged eyes of shock, and the fear just hesitant. As for myself at the time, I could only laugh, then bust out a bit more. He joined in not too long afterwards. Seeing it was merely a friendly joke. Such a priceless moment, truly it had been. Adjusting my glasses, from which he commented to get that sort of thing fixed. I'd then go somewhere higher in life. Reminding him I was still a traitor to the Speack Island Community seemed to bry the subject. We greeting one another, he offered a ride. Which I accepted, which I usually denied due to urges.

The usual teacher suit and tie, he wore, as for myself, same over school uniform. Hate those damn things, itchy most of the time. Though nothing that huge, I guess after more then ten years one forgets to notice anymore. Anyhow, he and I went into the parking lot for his car. Which again, most do use only the buses, but many have the privilege to owning their own machines. Which is highly expensive. Thus, unaffordable for the commoner, as Brourge has stated. Which brings up the question of how my love even knows about those sort of things. Owns a car himself, or his family does. Still, questions, so many unanswered.

George's car, had been one I'd never seen before, so I had been anxious. Then excited to both seeing and riding in such a monstrous ride. I found he rode quite the fancy car, large in the front while narrowing to the back, dark blue, somewhat low to the blacktop, thick also came to mind, sparkly as the sun hit the island. Upon trying to open the door on the right sided passenger seat, George was standing in front of the car and asked me what I was doing.

Answering I had been on the passenger's side. Of course glancing inside, quickly to check, and seeing the steering wheel positioned in my particular seat of his car. While looking at George, his hand stuck in that suit pocket while machinery noises were made within the vehicle before us. upon looking at the wheel, it was spinning in place of where I was about to sit. Sighing, giving George a smile as in saying 'go fuck yourself', I walked to the other side and placed my hand on the door handle. That is until I noticed the steering wheel had already shifted to my newly chosen seat. I looked up and saw George still standing there in front of the car, grinning slightly. I snickered at him, while taking the backseat door behind my latest chosen seat and got in. Then climbed to into the newly declared passenger sea. Waving to George he walked to the car and got into the driver's seat, the wheel had already stopped spinning in place.

After George had shut his door, we both started to talk at the same time. Which of course he hushed us and allowed me to go first. Which I pleasantly did, commenting on the car, had some neat tricks. He then started up about the whole topic, as if it was his manhood. Talking about all its features, more then any model on the market, which I didn't know even existed. That it was not only paid for by Shenn Que Corp. but also upgraded monthly. AT first I had been confused when he stated that such a large major Government orientated. Though I later understood, the car roared as it started, fast, frightening enjoyable sort of speeds on the road. He and I both giggled upon the road as we looked deeper into each other's employments.

Besides being a wrongfully convicted traitor of Speack Island and the Iron Moth. I had once been a Military sectary on the base near the Military base. Of course situated on the island of Sperack, for the life of me, couldn't recall who I once served for. Personally I mean, in my exemployment. Then again they never really fired me, only put m on non pay leave. The tables switched to his side of the working force. Which I couldn't believe my ears at the time, even writing these passages. Though he seemed just as shocked to hear my own employment record. As for George himself, I found he is the coowner of the Shenn Que Corp. In fact the headquarters for such a large and sole Government power. Had been situated on the edge of Sperack.

During the discussion, along side others, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off at. I found we were not headed to my home, or anywhere near it. Only further into the city, yet I recalled there was no real danger. My abilities were more then enough evidence I needed to remain clam, so I played a joke. Suggesting my house would be most appropriate, since we didn't know each other well enough to do anything else. Chuckling at myself, giving him such smiles he did the same in the humorous moment. We then continued to joke about that particular subject, sex, intimacy, ropes, teasing, stares, etc.

The car parked, engine stopped, car keys into his pocket. George got out, told me he'd be right back, had to check in on something. Then upon the closing the door ran into an apartment building, it didn't seem to be his own. Yeah, the people around this part of the city as with the building were scruffy looking. Why would George need to stop in a place that that. Curious curious, why would someone who had been in control of the world's foremost known Corporations. I say this now, because he comes back, into the car empty handed. Saying what was needed done, had been done. Then asked if I wanted to stop by with and his friends at Shenn Que Co. headquarters estate. Saying Just come back to him with an answer sometime, then dropped me off at my house.

Not before, of course, some friendly fun and thought. George's shocked face was not surprising considering the Government and Military are still at bitter ends. Naturally I, more then ever, wanted to get to know George even more. For he was a great man, with employment at such a corporation I could get nearly anything done and help Brourge in his advances that he usually comments on about the Government's operations. Even after we got the road again, I asked what he did for the Government corporation he was 2nd in command of. Since he was usually at the Military Academy, Library, Sperack Island Community meetings, that he must have been very busy. It was stated in more a joking manner, but he stated. Not much, he just orders others to do his work from him. Through his cell phone mainly, sometimes in person, as he demonstrated. He loves helping out, the community, people, etc.

Through the excitement, I started to play with my hair a bit. He even pointed it out, while he used his hand in explaining how we would be visiting headquarters of the SQC in the upcoming days. In that boring conversation, I couldn't help but find a imperfect zipped upon his pants crouch being undone. Showing me quite the peek at his blue striped boxers. Not even half way through, I was on laying over his lap, pretending to zipper up such an imperfection. Saying that the explanation was lovely, but without my concentration it would have to wait. George didn't stop me, only became a bit more tense all of a sudden. Making a few more excuses, as it was warmly comfortable down in his lap. I decided to stay. He continued talking about what was to happen the eighth this month. Finally zippering up his fly, then watching as he stiffened.

Then I played further with George, encircling his genital area with one steady fingertip. Not wanting to tease him too far, he might force me. Make a move, humiliate me, play as he wanted not as I wished. Its what I wanted, longed for, been starving since Brourge and I had done it. Like another thing in me just awakened, that sexual portion. Oh, yeah, how I wished to do more. Bring out George's breast, straddle him, ride, and fly. But didn't want us to crash or anything, it was noticeable enough, what I wanted from him. Now I know its wrong, wiggling the bracelet of Brourge's upon my arm. Yet, he was being unfair to me. Only once! One time, he decided to fuck me, well that's not enough.

How the smiles and faces grew when George dropped me off, I answered his question as well. Going to the Corporation's estate would be wonderfully fulfilling. He added great, then spun off down the street. Waving as George disappeared. He flooded my being and mind, inside and out. Of how we would break in the movement, where, when..

Shame and Guilt followed me after getting indoors this day. It all turned so sour, what had I done?

No permission, he knew nothing of my new friend, it dragged on for so long. Though I did masturbate twice, the stress was relived. That is until, finally climaxing, George appeared at the end both times.

That's when I grabbed a knife, my dagger, and started to cut my self. Severely, whispering my unloyal behaviors to Brourge's spirit and name.

What a horrible nightmarish day its been, not sure what to do anymore. For now, only Brourge's bracelet, and my new name as Switch had to sooth my natural hunger. I wasn't an animal, but human.

_-April 7, 2137UH
Finally another day, the usual Sickle Sports Troutdown, blacked out for most of it. Which wasn't normal though, of course the dagger was seen more then once. It pleased me, as both Brourge and George swam through my mind. All of that was so vivid in my mind. While sitting out on the sidelines, I looked into the crowds. Then couldn't help but chuckle, George and Brourge were sitting next to each other side by side in the stands. Without thinking I waved to them, nervously for me, they both waved back incautiously. So I stuck to watching the game itself. Trying not to get pissed out about how they were treating me. Even worse, most of them were part of the coughing slickly fool group, like everyone else. As with the fact, for the time first at a game, my own teammate referred me to being a pale worthless Asian. Another additional mood charming comment. That I still, managed to remain calm, help that I wasn't really there most of time. My mind had bigger things to ponder.

I was on the sidelines for most of the game today, fucking sucked. Though my little famine bitch of a coach said that the new members needed some practice, game time. Thus, I was unwilling chosen to sit out. Unsurprisingly enough, we lost the game to the Government team. Trying to stop the worry of both George and Brourge finding about their relationships were intertwined in my life. So, it was boring as it could have been in the morning till into the afternoon. I looked into the fact of why both my dearest close friends would be here at the same time. Truly, Brourge's letterer stated we would be meeting at the stadium. Perhaps I may have already told George about this day, meeting up, or its his own course of action. Regardless it was a uncomfortable situation that I had gotten stuck into. So that's what occupied my thoughts til the game was done and over.

With a few quick moves, into the locker room, then out. Trying to greet one of my boys, before the three of us met and made complications arise. My heart pounded with such haste, as I found they were lost in the chaotic crowd. So, in my seeking mind set, started to laugh at scenarios of my men realizing the other existed. Then the commonality they shared. Next thing I knew, on my search, someone pulled me under that stands. Gagging my mouth and movements, it was so quick, I didn't know what to do. So I stayed silent, waiting for the person responsible to come forward, since I panicked still. My heart hadn't slowed since losing my boys in the cowards. They were there, closing in on my position from behind the seating stands.

I just was forced to sit there and watch. They kept on approaching, my location, in front of those stands. Perhaps I should give more detailed instructions next time around. As for my kidnapper. She, spoke, familiarly in my ear, whispering. We came to an agreement, to stay quiet and allow her to distract Brourge for me. For she knew what I was up to this day, which now makes sense. If a word slips, then my man will know about George and I. That is something I can't allow to happen. So, Jenny, yes my mysterious best friend appeared. Bringing back all the memories, thoughts, and feelings between us. But indeed, she distracted my love. Effectively pushing him away, with her, they were acting a bit more friendly then I last recall. It tore into me greatly, throwing me into such a mood, of hate. That bitch and asshole may have been playing me from the start. Even if they didn't do much in front of me, their arms where interlocked. I now know, it was the emotion of jealously that has overcome me. Not sure how to feel anymore.

Never the less, I looks to the other side, there George waited. Patiently, checking his funky watch, wearing one of those fancy suits he always has been drawn too. Noticing George while under the stands and who was about to walk away. Sneaking out, I grabbed his butt from behind, he was surprised to see it had been me . Yet saw such aggression in his eyes when he had turned around for us to meet. Yet that sort path of negativity turned another direction and became gentle through a hug. Our conversation started off in more of a "where was I" and "where were you", sort of angle. As we walked, carrying a few giggles. I couldn't help but quickly look at both Jenny and Brourge. The crowd, where they were lost into, yet I didn't stop looking until finally at myself when I became aware of this distracting behavior. Which I'm still unsure if George had found to be just as disturbing, but, its just Brourge lied to me about Jenny. They knew one another, friendly, perhaps more. Though knowing this, it didn't stop me from enjoying myself.

However to my surprise and unfortunate timing for one of my teachers showed up, the very same who was healing my father of his sickness. We sort of bumped into him as we were leaving to the parking lot, he decided on walking home but he couldn't help in asking if we would be willing to spend the day with him. Just hang out, in the end, as George was about to say something. I had already spoken for him on this matter, saying it was alright. Looking up at George I saw such disappointment in he, which I could clearly understand. Being it was only a few times out of the week we could spend some time together in private. Still giving a whisper to him, mentioning this older man was a decent guy. George shot back at me with a low and depressed "alright". Somehow, a strong feeling had spiked that this was going to be a bad idea.

I don't recall such a teachers name though, oddly enough. Since he's been such an influence, but we all got into George's car, made short introductions and were then off. George drove, I sat in the front seat next to him, while my teacher sat in the back.

During the ride, we all had a few discussions even if George was not really into the scene. I distinctively saw him with such indifference on his face as with hearing such clarity in his voice when he did saw a few words. All day we all went on an adventures sightseeing upon the island, teacher always pointed out something on the scenery. Then mentioning what it was had been there, why something else had been built or burned, which started all sorts of discussions among us. Yet George stayed distant as humanly possible. Mainly from teacher it seemed, so our conversations were a bit short ended, never the less, they were great!

When the shadows of the buildings disappeared with the sun gone and moon elsewhere, we dropped teacher off at his apartment. Finally, I sighed and asked George what his problem had been, why was he such a hump. George told me, that teacher had been Military and he was Government. Then we were silent the rest of the ride till I had been dropped off, even after that, I felt horrible....

But the darkened glimmering memory of Jenny and Brourge shined in the night. Rage, burning, for the bastard lover of mine. He'll get his, soon enough.

_-April 8, 2137UH

Waking up this morning, early, and hungry. Broureg's family's faithful bartender informed me that he would not be in this day. Too much business elsewhere, an urgent call basically. Skipping along, I found myself eating at home alone. While everyone else was about their objectives for the day. Yet, that eating pain of being used, the realization to being only a simple little play thing. Love, was only delusional, it really ate me within. As the hours slipped, so did my love for he. Brourge was dying inside, I couldn't believe what I was even saying. But that's what happened, becoming nothing more then hate itself. As with self hate not far behind it. Than a call from outside came to my ears, of escape, myself and little brother found a large blue car out front. Yelling to whoever of the family were listening, "I'll be out for the day!", then disappearing outside. In seconds, getting into George's car, we were off upon the road.

At least George had a social life, had people who didn't look like both rarely seen and hating commandos. Brourge and I only see each other three times a week, on average. While George, well we see each other nearly six times a week. And more come from those few six days a week then Brourge could ever muster in our sparing sessions. I feel, its time, someone else is given another try in my life. The years are slipping for me anyhow. I mean, what am I waiting around for? Being what I am, there are so many other paths of life that could fit me. No longer seeing these fools, on this pathetic island, having to be called a freak or otherwise. Yes, George is the most considering candidate to allow my wishes into reality. Then I mist as well not talk anymore about their comparison. I know George more then Brourge, simple fact overall for the win.

So sleek in that car, air conditioning as well, though so silent it was. Didn't even notice for a while, only felt it. Music of my sort played out the window, as they were rolled down. Allowing the wind to grace us within such a perfect vehicle. Such a relaxing pleasure, being in a non crowded, clam, easygoing car. With George, no damn bus, coughers, yelling, as with any other annoyance. Though he woke me up more then a few times, by swerving on the road, pushing the gas peddle a bit harder or breaks floored. He snorted from my expression. Apparently it must have been absolutely priceless. We both shared such laughs, I Must have been looking freaked out during his little shenanigans. They molded the delightful mood, instead of running it. Setting it to such a lovely atmosphere.

We arrived to a large iron, old rusty gate holding the double 'E' symbol for the SQC, it was electronic too. While two guards waved us through, with ease. With us moving once again through the opened entrance gate, down a largely wooded area, while the road was straight but so tediously long. George referred it to being known as a driveway, which would lead to the building itself. Which was something very new to me. Most don't even have a house, except for the locals. There was just so much room on the estate, so many things that I couldn't even name them if I wanted to. Bizarre and yet astonishing in the same, unbelievable. To be a Government official, it must be paradise. Then those looks from the guards in both plain sight and stealth. Which I both saw and was then informed by George, that I should just relax. We were safe in the car, it was his estate after all as it had been granted to him by the UHEG or the Government higher ups.

It began to rain a bit, so the windshield wipers were turned on. Even, that was a spectacle in and of itself. Then came upon us, more of myself. A surprising fright, as we rammed into the building's garage. That's is what it appeared to be at first, but in reality, there was no door. Only a hologram for the that very portion of the mansion sized SQC head quarters. Nearly pissing myself, because I continued to fight him from ramming the door down. Then when we went through that very thing, nearly suffered a heart attack. So while George has been grinning the entire time, then shared a laugh. Though when I was dug deep into my seat, with utter fear through me. Well, he tried calming those overeating nerves of mine. Took awhile, yet I was able come back down to earth. Comfortably, easing to, since George actually took his time for me. My stability came first, before our fun. Though what really allowed me to feel at ease had followed his ticking. We both began to laugh again after that point.

Our hands held to other's strongly, as the car moved in an elevator within the large garage. The floor itself quickly moved downward with us upon it. Quite sure, I started freaking out again. Less then before, yet not entirely sure why. Either the speed and impact of the situation was much much lower, thus less frightening then before. Or perhaps George's touch was such an overpowering security. Which I held tightly, by the way, not sure if it hut him. He didn't show any signs of distress at least, before or after we got to the bottom. In the car, I lied to him for this all being too much for me. The lights passing us by, as we descended further into the unknown. We halted at the bottom, George drove forward into a mini parking lot. A few other cars filled some of the spots. The lightening was very dark, could barely see much of anything. Except for a par of double doors beyond all the parking symbolized whatnot. That's all the room amounted to, as we parked several things moved behind that pair of double doors.

Those things turned out to be people, nicely dressed, rushing mainly to crowd George. Few came to my own aid, asking to take our hats, jackets, purse, bag, etc. Though we both sort of called them off after their services were rendered. He stated they served the house and the masters of the SQC who live or come to the house. At which point, I had to ask what the Sheen Que Corporation actually does. He only said, it'll be known soon enough. Grinning all the while as those supposed servants went running off. Back into the building, their white loose yet tied robe sort of clothing. Which both sent excitement and worry through me. Never the less, we moved along into the darkness that happened to be pass those doors. Taking a closer look, the artistic touch, names over the parking spots. Hard to make out the professionally crafted titles upon each lots. Something found to my eyes, disturbed my comfort, the name plate which we parked. It read George Shoo. No, it was George Shay, not George Ganst. From which I knew him, my newest friend, closest to be. Through no time to actually recheck anything. Even after we returned to that parking lot, the lights over the name plates were completely gone. He commented it was a mere family mishap. A lie of lies, so my guard was up as usual. Never the less, it was exciting, being in such danger.

When wee stepped in the doorway, the two of us continued down a long dark multi shaded blue hallway. With the darkest portion upon the bottom of our feet. Then slowly lightened shade by shade as it climbed up the walls. Interesting coloration, indeed with the shining upon the ceiling. Two of that crowd which overtook us in the parking lot. Those few, in their white clothing, hoods up, were at the end of that hall. Opening the door for us, allowing the light to shine in. As with the shaded blue carpet, walls, ceiling upon the other side. In that lightened room, enormous as any room in my eyes could have been. Yet that dark blue coloring shined in such a delightful manner, most beautiful artistic attraction my eyes have ever laid upon. In the middle of the room, was a fancy crafted table, as with five particular men in white suits. Just as George had been, while odd music played in the background. Then of course they were companied by dozens of male and female servants in those white layer hooded clothing. They, as in the one's in suits were drinking among themselves, chatting, until we entered. Seems we disturbed the whole order of things, cause, the music was silenced, chairs moved, people fumbling around. Towards me and George.

Their eyes saw me as if carnivorous birds finally laying their eyes upon a wondrous meal. Adjusting my glasses, all of them had already tooken flight after us. The two servants who opened the door for us, conceded back into the unlit hallway that let to the parking lot. Closing the door behind them. Leaving us with no escape. The lot of them focused their sights upon George. Obviously they all knew one another. Their servants, stayed back and decided to allow the reunion. I found it very interesting that they only got together for a week every four months. Each of the four men, including George, controlled the Sheen Que Corporation, while the last was an elected official. An voted in operative of the peace keeping agreement between the Government and Military. His term only lasted less then five years, regardless, a security major none the less. For one reason or another, George wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close. So our waists butted into each other, I had figured it was so I wouldn't be getting lost. In that crowd that surrounded us at the time. Now, however, I find it was just representation among the boys. As if saying, "look what I have" or "I've not lost my touch"

They all chatted while, I continued to remain an ornament, Brourge's bracelet shook over my skin slightly. Reminding me of both what I was doing and where I stood. Felt a little guilt rising, then pushed it aside when my name was called. Yet not before keeping an ear on what was happening. Then asked he, George, where his usual. Which he paused looking at me, the darkest shaded man of the group. He sort of began to say, maybe the world 'slave'. However he changed it to pupils, grinning at me. Part his golden teeth spoke such horror. My sense didn't like it, not one bit. That man, I didn't like, I think he might have been African. At least that what the history book of Brourge told me, described the traits which he possessed. He also had a ultra thin white tshirt under this white suit. Which had been unbuttoned, same with the cufflinks. Yet his shoes and pants, white as white can get, were all in place perfectly. Though manifestly radiating colored sea shells of all sorts. Rings, necklaces, pricings, and bracelets. All of them upon this man, that were visible had been sea shells. So many kinds, sizes, colorations, I couldn't even find one to just define. He was an inch taller then me. Muscle toned body, late thirties with few wrinkles slowly beginning to show, beyond the makeup and perfected plastic surgery. Short head hair with a leather head cap with a thin mustache connected beard, circled around his mouth, deep voice. Our hands shook, and he introduced himself as Mouaknen Ratinson.

John Tyiler, was the next man to shake my hands, not sure what I felt. He was odd, the oddest of them all besides the last man. Heateoo Sirn, that official that was elected as the security and military provider to ensure the sustainability of peace between the UHEG and ATTO. Or simply known the Government and Military, yet the civil war still roars underground. I'd say, he's doing a horrible job at his post. Still, the two of them were just odd to me, my sense was indifferent to give a feeling about either of them. It almost felt as if they knew what I was. Being a freak, of course is what I'm referring to. There was both a feeling and sight. Heateoo, had small iron bells all over his being, yet no jingled from any of them. But as I stared, he took notice, the nine foot tall skinny man. Then all those bells disappeared, as if a curtain fell over him. Everything I tried to see past that, both John and Heateoo noticed big time. As if it was rude manners to force yourself into another's bubble. Don't know personally, but they were not like the other men. Brourge's level is what hole they popped into.

Anyhow, John first had beaten down one of his 'pupils' before we shook hands. I was like a ghost when our grips matched against the other. Part of me, honestly had been scared, still is. Like against Adam Peckerson. He had the odd feeling like Heateoo too. Though his violent temper didn't strike me at all as a positive or negative. His light skin, dark compared to my own, didn't matter much either. Smaller suit, nothing out of place there. Yet, he was skinner then any other person there. Dyed black head hair, eye brows, and had such delicate young clear skin. He was about my height, must of weighed less then myself. Can't believe people take his angered shit like that, especially with a wimpy voice. Considering my own anger self control, I sort of liked him. The shrimpy little one with a nasty bite. His life must have been hell like my own, or something similar to have become of the controlling heard of the UHEG's most notorious hands. That did their biddings, this also includes that fact of he feel like myself.

As for Heateoo, such a long boned man, skinny as John. Yet, even as our hands shook, I found myself liking him. He was a gentleman. Maybe he looked young as twenty, no aging though. Yet a somewhat scarred skin, dirty somewhat, not formerly dressed like the rest of them. No, he only wore a thin uncomfortable material. Pants, shirt, orange vest, shoes, were all dirt brown. Looked clean, but not in the least new. No wonder, a charming people's man gained power. What I also fond interesting had been his dark brown jelled hair, lengthy as mine. All shaped upwards. Clean facial hair elsewhere. Again, light Russian shaded skin. Like those of Sperack, he was quite fond of him for his voice marked courage and wisdom.

The last, of the four who controlled the SQC had been a man known as Shamoau Koopt. Larger, a lot of flab, meaty. Fatty body, light skin, jolly voice though, no facial hair. Light shaded hair and skin, though hair had been dark. Very short hair, natural though, only bangs hanging down upon his forehead. Not even reaching his eyes. Taller then myself as with John, yet smaller then Mouaknen. Much bigger suit, however not very huge of a body. Fancy, formally dressed, like everything other then Heateoo and Mouaknen. I also liked Shamoau. Most certainly, my sense felt such a purity within. Not much hate, anger, or otherwise.

That was the introduction with George. Seems they didn't know who I had been. Anyhow, some of them talked with the others found George to their amusement. Considering they supportively haven't met for some time. If that wasn't a lie like his own name to me. Asking a few questions that George tried to halt me on or disturb. Though he wasn't fast enough, I learned the truth from Shamoau. So out loud I announced as if surprised, which I was a bit. "George! You're all, Sheen Que is a...Slave Trading mainstream?", everyone sort of froze at that point. Of my realization, as if something was stated that shouldn't have been. George buffed out his chest, saying, "So, and?", looking deep into my eyes for my answer. Shrugging my shoulders, stating it was cool. Honestly they all looked so tense mainly the who held me against himself. George, if you only knew. Your exactly what I've been looking for, who will fulfill my desires. Oh the smile both I ware now and then.

Whispered into his hear, George's, that he shouldn't try to hide anything back. That I would be his girl, it was alright with me. Pupils were slaves, no lies or anything to discuss. Guess that must have been the magic words because he loosened up. Saying, I was one of his girls. Before he only mentioned to them just another 'pupil', wrong again. I went up the notch, as it should have been. Whispering again in George's ear, jokingly of course. As long as those words stay true without any moves for me to become another of his little puppets. I'll be his willing loving loyal girl, forever. We sort of laughed together, not sure what the reaction I was seeking. We separated among the crowd. Huddled around the table, with the slaves serving us. Apparently George is indeed opening up a bit more, but withheld his name. We all had a drink or so, continued to play a few mental games with the other. Though I didn't drink any alcohol, of course. Another thing that'll disappear soon. I'm quite sure, since violence, innocence, and my world has crumbled. Only logical I'd say. Fucking bastards will pay for their betrayal.

I confirmed a few things though, along with the great feeling of being picked up by Heateoo is the closest thing to flying. I've gotten, amazing the feeling was. He even said, he has a baby girl at home, an Asian like me. Though noting I had been quite pale for the race I'd been. So he spun me around a few times, threw me in the air, juggling me quite a bit. Even a, yeah, piggyback ride. Damn! I mean, like riding an elephant, everyone's like an ant in comparison. Had some fruit and water, other then that. It was a wondrous time. The others sort of spoke among each other, some of them were getting drunk. Though George held back, looking at me while doing so. Making sure he could get me home safely, no accidents needed.

Though, what I found out this night. George does live at the very same low run down Government apartment building. That he owned only four personal slaves. Which watch over his home, apartment. Their names were Andew Voizal, Bouha Bolisz, Holwiouse Atch, Kol Ishel. From Shamoau, friendly man, gentile man. Can't believe he is even part of this sort of work. Though even I know SQC has many owned companies and processes other then slavery. That all slaves wore white loose fitting clothes, which wore the mark of the SQC double 'E' symbol upon them. Though each man had their own marks upon their batch of people. Mouaknen had placed an hand cross upon their necks with a knife. Shamoau, had them wear an emblem of his initials upon their belts. George didn't have any there. John, Everyone wore fingerless gloves. Interesting ways to mark one's property.

So, after about five hours, George called for us to get along. Before we were able to leave, Mouaknen, in a stooped state. Grabbed hold of me, I told him to let go. But in the same instant, he struck me across the face. In which case, the dagger appeared, then realizing where I was. Shaking my head, I yelled help. As that black man held me, saying I was just another worthless whore of his own. Pulling out a knife, trying to put the same scar what was among his slave's necks. Heateoo came over, picking him up in the air. From his suits collar. Restrain with both hands, telling him to calm down. While Mouaknen only yelled out, that "Ploon is mine!". Only utter disgust came from me towards him. Damn pig, did he any respect for another's women. Or anything else in life.

Suddenly, we were off into the pitch black parking lot. The car was moved, nothing had been readable. Getting into the car, we went up into the elevator and left the way we came. Then out the gate, before all that. He apologized for his friends behavior. That he hoped I enjoyed myself, which I didn't anything about. Lost in thought, so he felt worried about losing me, my sense said he was alright. So, no fear in him trying to own me or sell me. Whatever slave traders do, how ever they go about their business. So George explained to me, in a rational understanding of what his personal job meant. Hobby sort, I guess they made it seem. His thoughts, "When one has nothing to lose, we refit them for the world. Give them a purpose, sometimes we are cruel. That is necessary, force is needed to reshape the person. We usually create them into something much more then they ever were..."

I didn't listen to anything more, to me it was only another career for survival. Nothing worse then Brourge I'm sure or the Speack Island Community. What's worse, selling someone to be able to live or killing them because of their beliefs? But in the end, if no one knows, then its completely okay, right? Fucked up, that is.

That's life....it seems.

Oh, yeah, the reason why George was unable to speak, is because my hand was busy caressing his groin. Then I smiled at him, as the sun was still up and around. Asked to be dropped off at the Iron Moth statue. As his cock hardened stiff, I continued, we did nothing more until my stop came up. In which case, letting go his manhood. Kissing him upon the lips, asking George what he thought my answer was to this whole business. He seemed surprised if not shocked. Smiling as well, as I mentioned, it had been a lovely time. "The Iron Moth has truly blessed you Ploon", was the last thing George said before zooming off.

Part of me felt of visiting him for the night, but moving about, the bracelet of Brourge shook. Its feeling upon me, my skin, flesh burned in self hate. The Iron Moth moved slightly as I kneeled down to speak to it. Even as people passed by, the Iron Moth seemed to favor me in its movements. Roaring into the sky. Forgiving my betrayals, lies, lusts. In which case I cried while walking home, within, was hallow. Believe I refrained from everyone I met on the way home. Long walk it was, passed up several of the buses that passed. People passed, fear.....

So scared, of what I might do in the presence of others besides Brourge. My urges, are so alive. Its unreal, how much I've ashamed myself and my love. So, when getting home, being welcomed. Eating with the family. I masturbated several times. Brourge and George shared my fantasy's. Though only for the one who wasn't my love, I hit myself in the stomach. While asking Brourge forgiveness. In the end, I found myself saying. Having resources in life is what determines your outcome of the path you choose to follow.

_-April 13, 2137UH

The week was pleasant with George, boring for the most part as usual though. Except of course for my switch moment of using my own families bathroom upon the second floor. Where I slept. Yeah, to go, in that morning to take a shower elsewhere and even dumping the unneeded nutrients was a pain. There was one positive note, Brourge found the time to send off our letter. Which has been diminishing greatly, perhaps my traitorous efforts were partly at fault. Though he needs more time for me, for us. Anyhow we spoke of something called an "aura". Along with asking me where I had been last week, apparently He was in after all. Maybe a bit later then usual, such a shame. Deeds been done, my life needed some room to. Only fair as I feel it should be. Though as for his question, hadn't known what to say. So this Saturday evening I'd already sent off the letter. Which he'll be responding to in a few days time. Asking where he had been last Sunday as with now knowing what had been a aura. As with asking about the UHEG and ATTO, if knew anything about their movements.

The only other highlights of the day had been my fantasy orgasmic experiences through the nights and as with sadistic/masochistic streak. Almost parallel to that of the masturbation. Wondrous releases they truly were. George and Brourge sort of passed between them both from time to time. Of course in the morning of tomorrow the wounds were completely gone.

Now, for the day of Saturday. Warm sunny day. Wow, astonishing, bewildering, yet satisfying in the most natural manner possible. At least for me, after such a thing being uncovered, it seemed as if, stress of any sort was abolished instantly. That my flash covering disintegrated, that I was able to move in way that illogically impossible. Part of being a freak, alone, self discovering, and no more chaotic states of utter depression as with helplessness. Those sort of things should no longer exist, my overall description through Brourge's mystic methods. Yet my sense screams danger....

As mentioned, Brourge and I both spent the entire day together. First talking the bar, then hanging at the silo. Then finally moving into cave for the sun to die out.

We talked about what made human, human. What separated humanity from mere animals. The ability to choose in life, that had been the words of my mentor Brourge. Sex is a main factor in life. Even influences our choices, as I agreed. Thinking back to becoming more and more intimate with George. Even if Brourge had my heart in such entanglement of bonding love. So my loving guide was completely correct. Unfortunately, but if I could take it back. I would in a moment. Its why I beat myself, cry for hours on end sometime till slumber, hating myself. Of course I didn't mention any of these thoughts to my love. If most likely knew, but in case otherwise. Not only will I lose him, then again he might kill me. Even more reason to stay silent, as with the fact. I felt him, he was trying to read me several times. Yet it worked, I somehow had awoken enough to block his his his. Mind reading ability, I guess, sounds so fictional like that. But he's not proved me wrong on this subject, he know me before I do.

There were examples of "sex" being a main component. Why people want to be around other people, what else is there to do? Sex sex sex, no matter the organism. That's the reason of the decision.

The second aspect that influenced us greatly had been violence. Which I didn't fully understand, so some examples. I wanted sex with Brourge, but he didn't want sex with me. I ,self interest, wanted sex, but he ,self interest, didn't want sex. Thus that leads to a conflict, which could be anything as to settle that. Of course that later, the comprehension of "violence" was found. That self interest and conflict made up social encounters between each other. Or it would be considered sexual. This occurs between every organism, natural way of life. Again, he got me, that's reality in the simplest foundational terms.

Then we left the bar and found ourselves in the silo. Cozy as it was, though the wisdom had been even more fulfilling. Sex, he brought this up, asking if I wanted do such a thing with him upon that mattress. In my mind, it had been a yes. But I shook my head, no, saying it was up to him to decide. In which case he came up to me and asked me. What if I had the power to decide anything we did from now on. The answer would, change or not? Of course it would, honestly I stated. He then continued to mention, if I knew he wasn't comfortable yet.

Why would I want us to have sex?

My mind told me, animal forms were alright again, we've done it before. Yet I couldn't say it, only apologized for my selfish desire. In which we only began to kiss. Lay with the other up against the wall. He stated, it wouldn't of mattered. If he gave me the power, it would rely on me completely to do whatever I wished. Even if it killed us, he would follow along. Make suggestions, of course. It all depends on one's agreement that's made beforehand or changed along the way.

Again, confused I asked him to explain. Which he gave me what had been questioned in full.

First asking me what a relationship was to me. Shrugging at it, just means the person and I know one another. That's all I stated anyhow, which he continued to expand. Adding, it was the agreement between people or persons on what would occur between one and the other. That is what relationship is. Which I agreed.

Then why did not know of this or respond accordingly when asked, which he commented. That's what an commoner is all about. Only animal instinct controls my drives, unfortunately. Which so far, make sense. Why everyone is so confused about the littlest things. I've heard some of the most basic conversations of misunderstanding between people turning into full blown fights. Because they didn't know who cheated on the other in a dating relationship. Which Brourge explained further, "dating", was nothing more then another term. Which changed like everything else, meant different things to other people. Thus terminology is useless overall. Especially when the commoner is raised with only deception and hallucinations being their reality as with their understanding of the world.

Asking why the "commoner" existed, he only mentioned. The only way to keep humanity for leading itself in death as with earth. I don't fully understand that, but it'll make sense eventually. Which he added, since I was only a worthless commoner. It meant nothing, being raised a commoner and born one is not the same. For its what's within that counts in the end. That I could easily be more then any dream I've had. Only a bit more and I'll be able to grow my own. That's if I wanted. As he spoke, my heart only dashed in and out, again and again. I might try to force him down, sooner then I might of considered. Still kept quiet and hung around his arm.

In which he added, sex was animalistic. Which I agreed, because its sought everywhere. So, one can still orgasm from bondage and pain, why? His question to me, it was odd. Not sure what to say to it. He answered anyhow, expanding my awareness. Saying that was why he insisted on having no sex. That self control must be found before that. Because if I get my first hit off such a naturally fulfilling satisfaction. I'll never stop. Which considering we both already had our first moment in such an intimate pleasure. I understood more then ever just as he. Then again, my love, must of already known.

That is what made human human, the ability to choose and fight nature's instincts within ourselves. Self control, over if we want to have sex or not. Bondage was the most efficient means he found to be intimate, satisfy, and yet not just have sexual intercourse. Which I agreed. Then he continued again, saying that is was in the mind of the person to whether they wanted to be pleased or not. No matter the situation, one can orgasm without even having to be intimate, hear a sound, or otherwise. Which proves what he was talking about, though mystified me. How can someone climax and yet not even have to move at all to do so? With their mind? Yeah right, at this time we both found ourselves over and inside the cave. While our discussion carries on surrounded by silence and the ocean beyond sparkling, with those waves singing as always.

In the cave, we were, yet we didn't play much nothing beyond a simple stroke and brisk petting. A bit light on our usual exploring methods through paths of our bonding spiritually. He told me to strip the cloths I wore, which was so trilling to hear as see. But I did, shedding my jacket, panties, pants, shoes, long socks, hat, and placing everything in the nearest cloud pool. I shook randomly while grinning at he, jingling his collar around my left forearm. So warm it had been, and thinking about the bracelet. I'd rather proudly wear it, then around my forearm as to escape noble radar and unneeded attention.

Approaching him, only wearing my natural bare attire. He smiled, laughed as I continuously jingled his collar about, which I couldn't resist doing. So soothing it had been, to see his reaction, listening to the echoes. He commented on a branding to be in the works if we progress long enough, half joking he was. As the sand and dirt beneath my feet, I still fear a bit from touching the ground with bare feet. It should be freezing and yet its just the right temperature, another little perk of the cave. Kneeling down before him I asked why he had me strip of all clothing. He answered with his usual grin, except those eyes seemed more sinister. As if something big was about to happen, some dire secret unleashed.

Brourge informed that it was to ensure no distractions wouldn't' concur with one's concentration. No sensations, feelings, just space. That I'll be able to do anything I desired in time, if this could be mastered. Adjusting my glasses, which I forgot were already thrown into the cloud pool. Silly habits, indeed, blushed highly at that point. Mentioning if I wanted to success in life to be what I always wished to become that would be it. We stared into the other's eye's, exchanging messages from within. Even if I'm nore then sure that all my messages of "please take me". "His own, more of get ready", then told me to stand and turn around. Backside toward him, to relax, make myself comfortable. That he was about to guide me step by step.

I did all that was asked, though my kees bent when his sex. Warm to the touch rubbed up against my leg. As his own body somewhat rested over my own. Thinking I would fall, over he seemed to keep us both up. Placed both of my arms at around my hips. Then we continued, again asking that I relax. Of course his gentle voice, whispering into my ear only get me a bit hornier then before. Or dripping, perhaps would have been a more accurate statement. As to feel the full experience I was to relax. It would also help me prefect the sort of twirls needed when alone. At such a point, I knew sex was coming, yeah, horny gets lust on the brain. Understandable now, when seen from the outside.

But a blindfold was put upon my eyes, as I felt his cock just grew into my thigh. So I of course pushed out my ass a bit into the air. Spreading both legs, widely, dripping in suspended excitement to come. I began to struggle with him. In which he restrained me, forget that I was to relax at the time. Guess it was getting to me that nothing had happened yet. A bit more embarrassing for me, should have been used to the whole thing. Sex was rare, not just uncommon with Brourge.

From there, Brourge used his touched over my entire body. Not an inch spared or played, it all happened simultaneously in a flash. Starting from head then down to toe. Overlapping at my waist, returning back up to my head and down to my feet. Such a rippling feeling of sensations, his fingers dancing upon all around my limbs, though it was not physically possible, then again nothing usually is with him. Yet it still happened. I felt my limps as if they were being surrounded by a warm flowing liquid from a near by waterfall, filling a pond surrounding myself. A slight moan escaped my lips is this what sex had been. I asked myself within. Yet I waited, then he said something that surprised me, while both of us were a bit sweaty.

Another embarrassment befell me, he stopped and asked why I'm ready to have sex. This wasn't the time. Redder then lava, I felt, apologizing as well. Naturally, Brourge knew very well that I would be writing in this dairy about what happened this day, so he told me to exclude how we preformed a certain or any technique to open or allow one's true self and potential to be released. Thus I'll just say we preformed a simple movement and with a wording here and there. Suddenly I felt such replenishment and release! Beyond any compare, I felt freedom, it would appear for the first time in my life. The feeling of being crushed and expanded to the end of the galaxy then over again was unreal. I began to sway, breath so heavily, while drifting all the while in his safe arms.

He stated that the feeling of me flourishing in his aura's flow and it was confronted. Which I popped my head out of the warm water. Asking what he meant by "our aura" in which case his arms were no longer holding me. Which he continued with a lecture about the aura. Saying how he showed me my true form before. It means I'm capable of releasing that very same being from my physical self. That auara is usually unfocused energy, nor good or bad. Just pulsating from every human's soul, radiating thoughts, ideas, usually nothing that focused. Some, like myself are naturally able to awaken. Though the steps he and I just took, eliminated the barrier most in my position had rid of by the age of ten. Using the rest of the brain humanity always has stated to never been used. That's only because their societies' leaders don't possess the technology to measure such movements. As the aura which originates from the soul within. Its all mathematical, that what he told me was simplified for anyone to understand. It was thoughtful of him, made sense. I was insane as was he!!  
So the aura was humanities lost ability, if that's true, what was humanities original state of being?

Besides the craziness, he spoke so passionately, I waned to see him in all his glory. Reaching for the blindfold, two long scaly strands of hair brushed up against me. I found they were resting upon my skin. So I struggled, started to panic, the warm waterfall dissipated rapidly. Brourge's voice was shifted around me as he spoke. Trying to calm me down, my hands were unmovable. Soon I broke free of the long haired grasp was no more. Feathers, tons of feathers, puffed up. Fluffy in every manner of the definition. Well that was rubbing up my naked backside. Finally the blindfold was ripped off by my hand. Breathing unsteadily, I searched around me there was no one. Only sand, dirt, stones, and the pools of water, with some lighting.

His voice echoed while Brourge's body went unseen, I said nothing and just tried to look from him as to see if he was just watching from afar. Couldn't believe I was just going to say it, that I was freaking out. Though his wondrous voice came to say such words of reassuring. As always, I calmed myself down. And explain what I felt during our intimate movement together. So he could clearly explain what aurally happened. Which I described briefly, and he responded just the same. Then with a few laughs, mainly from himself. His hand landed upon my shoulder, in his usual physical self. I tried not to scream.

Brourge was firstly amazed I was able to figure out how it all worked so easily. Then again, I was a strong cold educated student for most of my life, so concentrating shouldn't have been a problem in the least. The cave does give he and I enormous amount of concentration then anything else could. When outside its walls. That he trusted me to also change into my own soul's form as he had. Or else he knew full well it would of been a bit too much trouble otherwise. Never the less great disappointment in losing focus on that task as hand. Told me not to feel bad or anything, with the cave's assistance, my seal had been broken none the less. Which was a major step for anyone, he was told anyhow. The seal needed to be lifted or the limitation would be great upon one.

Yet I had to ask what he meant by this "seal". Brourge went into detail that the seal was a natural barrier so one could control themselves before the full extent of their abilities would be unleashed. Allowing for less of going out of control, focused on only A type of ability. Or even just staying to a particular spot, just because it works for them. Its meant to allow one time to disperse their key points in their own abilities and life. That as long as I was under Brourge everything should be alright. Which I still didn't fully believe anyhow, just didn't get through to me exactly what happened this day. Then again, not being able to control myself didn't sound good. He would be sending me a book on the aura and soul. Later on, to allow me full understanding and comprehension of what was transpiring.

After which he taught me something very simple. Levitating an object, moving the sand about in the air. Then one of his feathers, a stone, some of the pool's water droplets. Supposedly it was very simple, even he had to oversee, me. We only did this in the cave as well, so it would take awhile to get used to. It would be very difficult outside the cave he added. It was something I'd have to practice. Get the feel inside safe ground then try as hard as possible elsewhere. I was so proud to learn something new, though its going to take a lot of work. I'll rise to the occasion for my love. The walk to the bus stop was nerving, since Brourge had to get going someone. His cell rang, off he went into the bar. Then a rumble, the ground benight my feet shook. In the night, a burning light glowed near or within the city.

Then I became unfocused, thinking about what George would say. What was really happening right now, had a hard time believing at all this night. As with the ride home, the bus's passengers seemed smaller and those there, coughing as we passed a burning apartment building. When I got home, found myself in the living room. Where I looked on the Minformation, which was left on when I arrived home. Mother fell asleep on the couch, the news stated another killing and building burnt down. It worried me greatly, would a military apartment like where father was being treated might be targeted. Even more so, could George really be behind this attacks, with himself being a high official in the Government and all It was a possibility.

_-April 14, 2137UH

Well, the thoughts of yesterday with Brourge still lingered heavily. Within my mind, popped off ideas and links without stopping. Not sure why I continue to doubt him, just because I couldn't make sense of what he lectured me on. I mean, the aura, people being raised as self confused individuals since birth, souls, it seemed more and more unlikely as it went through my mind. Could it all be some big trick being played on me, possible. Yeah, never the less I went over to the bar this morning. A bit later then usual, just in case. He got up around the same time. As he mentioned before, where I had been. Well, now it was my turn. He wasn't there. With already having breakfast, the day turning out to be upside down already. Also, enduring those coughing fools upon the bus. I decided to walk back to the city then home, or where I felt comfortable enough.

I would of taken the bridge between my home's block and the Military Base upon the island. It would have been too much of a hassle to just waste the day away in my room. I wanted to excise in peace, think diligently, and just enjoy myself. As I blew off stream about Brourge. Which I counted agasint him as abandonment. Shaking his bracelet upon my arm, it sent such rage though me. Though now, I'm not sure what the big was. I knew he was a busy man, there was George. Yet, perhaps not the best thing, if Brourge did know and everything. Or if he would come to find me, it could get awkward fast maybe worse. Still, Brourge better be getting his act together, I'm not a girl who waits around. My years are passing me by, no time to lose.

While in my thoughts, a bird flew in the sky. Sort of following me on the cloudy day. Which must of put me in a more dampened mood. But with such a pleasantly welcomed chirping companion. It soothed me almost instantly. I'm beginning to see a pattern again. Nature is full of surprises, which just toughens this whole idea of understanding what I and Brourge are. Which still nothing makes any sense. I mean, how could it? I needed him most.....

The whole Military and Government civil war just complicated things even more. My bird companion on that long walk, passing several buses ago, left. Just as he came. Which I wonder why I used 'him' then and now. However, in the city, I became fearful. Not of the recent attacks, but what a screen showed. While I passed by, Jenny! My best friend was now on the most wanted list by the Government if not the world. At which point. I'm writing this now, after shuttering home. Just didn't have the heart, passed up my family entirely, locking everyone out from this point forward for some time. Asking myself, how this all happened, why us! I know she has been suspicious. Rude, and otherwise sickening me, but she was still my closest friend.

Passed up looking on the Minfortmation when everyone was asleep during the night. Another wasted day, no one with me, I had to suffer alone. How pathetic is that. In my dreams of passing in between peaceful sleep and numerous heated tears. I saw Jenny being killed, if not by my own doing. I was unable to sleep for most of the night afterwards. Until morning, which I slumbered.

Why has life in general become so confusing, so darkening, so cruel. Its unfair.

_-April 15, 2137UH

Got up extremely late this morning, several times. Though only when my older sister got me up did I actually meet up with the family. Who immediately knew something had been up. Despite my sister, who which I cried in her arms for bit. While in my room that is, Iron Moth help me if my parents or even my little brother heard. But I bet they had some idea what was going on, I mean. My tear drenched eyes and the time sis had to spend with me. Shuttering at their looks and unspoken words. Realizing breakfast was far over, my food in the fridge. I just left for the Brourge's family bar.

Upon the bus, it was silent. Not a cough, few people, for once. It had been peaceful to ride the bus. Though I did start worrying when the engine couldn't even be herd. That in itself was odd enough, worry enough. Perhaps thinking that I'd lost my hearing or worse. Then with a smile, the ride ended up at the bar. I thought perhaps Brourge knew of my distress and was doing everything he could to suspend my suffering. Easily could see him doing that. We loved each other, for better or worse that's how the Iron Moth meant it to be. I just know it to be true.

Off at the bus stop, I saw Brourge waiting in the second story window. He waved for me to come inside. At this point, walking into the partially empty gravel parking lot. I found myself hungry, weak, tired, guilty, sick, dirty without a shower, and my clothing was just wrinkled from the night before. Apparently, I'd not even taken the time for a change. Shrugging it off, in the chilly morning, yet warming sun filled day to be. Odd feeling, drifty would definably describe me. Upon reaching the door of the bar, Brourge's hand reached around my throat. He began choking me, severely, I couldn't even scream. While being lifted into the air, he continued to add pressure. Until it all went dark, blacking out. Waking up, in one of those cloud pools, or it felt like it at first.

Slowly I did learn he brought me there, for getting out of the pool. Nude, Brourge stood there fully clothed in his usual dirty custom. As for me, the pool must of taken my clothes. Getting up to meet's my love's gaze. He turned his back and began to walk over to that stone table near the wall. I called out his name. He didn't respond. His face, I felt such anger and disappointment within him. Quietly, in such slow motions I found myself kneeling at his feet, yet not grabbing hold. Nearly crying, asking forgiveness, whatever I may have done. In which his hands. Took hold of me, both my hair and head. We kissed, our tongues, or at least his own darted into my mouth. I began to cry, in happiness that he forgave. In which he smiled toward me. Apologizing for the choking, that I tired to say it for his pleasure. Thus unneeded to even bring up, but he insisted it wasn't me who had been the problem. That I didn't deserve such treatment, but he had to make sure of something.

Though, I was still a bit woozy so my mind sort of was waking up. He asked if I had been hungry anymore at that. Which surprising checking myself out, I hadn't had a empty stomach anymore. Odd enough, I was also wearing Brourge's bracelet. Shaking it about to hear the wiggling echoes. He already picked me up from the sandy ground. Placing me besides him on the stone table. Which was even more odd. It wasn't cold, but warm. It wasn't rough, yet smooth, and comfortable. Nearly enough to sleep on, yet in moments, his arm was around me. I couldn't fall asleep, his beating heart beating so rhythmically.

Then he asked me, "Jenny?", in which I went into high gear. Not saying anything above a alerted stare into his eyes, which turned cold. He stated, that Jenny was part of his unit. Or supporters, that they knew one another for many many years. That he lied to me so I would be safe. Which I couldn't understand why "safe". I meant if there is a civil war within humanity between humanity, how would I be safe if kept misinformed? Able to ask a few questions, though was not nearly enough to cover everything. I would have to search out my ex best friend. Find the answers myself, how could a military person. Lay low, yet mingle amongst the population? Why would she suddenly be wanted by the world and yet had been in plain site. What could have Jenny done that would be so horrible that she'd be placed upon the most wanted list?

Brourge didn't say much, except that she was like himself and me. A freak, which had been indeed. A connection between us. Not only me and Brourge. Yet Jenny, Adam, and those others that I've met. My sense has always picked on it, which would explain my indifference to everyone here on the island for so many years. There had also been the other aspects that joined us together, the sadist and masochist tendencies. Which are really amongst all freaks anyhow, in our nature. Or so he says. Which could all be lies, I mean, why would he of all people lie to me for so long. Especially about Jenny of all people.

So, I bet Jenny being on the run was a lie. Of course I kept it to myself, Brourge didn't know. He wasn't himself today. That's for sure. Very reserved, I couldn't even feel him trying to read me anymore. Unless he's that good, which I doubt. I stopped him before and that was when my seal had been intact. Now I'm capable of so much more. As long as that wasn't a lie either, no. From what I've witnessed, it had to be real.

Then we spoke of commoner's we were both considered just that. However, now we were considered more then that with our abilities. It was another connection, was all. Easily could be overwritten in a night's fall. Nothing to be concerned with. Then this trappable into the what was he. Government or Military, and why.

Brourge stated, Government but was once Military. Which didn't make sense unless he was a traitor. Which seemed very possible. His explanation was odd in and of itself. Saying he had no choice in the matter, not ot mention his career was of the highest importance. Spaced out, is the word that would describe him when saying this. It must have been an act or something, perhaps delusional even.

We cuddled more, though he stated, I shouldn't worry too much. That he and my older sister would be there. That was fucking scary, because he stated to say a few things that only me and my sister could of known. I'm sure his intentions were modest, caring, but no one else could of known that. With my eyes popped open so wide, I found myself staring at his clothed sexual member. Sudden unexplained thoughts of rape occurred. I went to grab his cock in hand. But he stopped me, slapped me across the face. Frowning as he rose to his feet. Asking why I hadn't been training my control over those urges, abilities, aura, etc. Which I only shrugged, he told me with his back turned. Start tonight, before it gets out of hand. Which I asked what could get out of hand.

Brourge told me, my other self. The one who come's forth when the dagger is grabbed hold. The one who awakens when your asleep. That I knew perfectly well my other self. Which, yeah, seen it, been there. Done that, my other self is alive and well just as myself. He told me to teleport home, tonight. That He wanted to see me at the usual date upon Saturday. That if I hadn't been controlling myself, that he would be taking steps. Punishment, from there. Indeed, from the book he sent last moth. Punishment reinforces one's will. Discipline arises, order is formed. Punishment is has always been necessary in life. But before going, forgot I had been naked still. Silly wondrous habits, seem to strike back don't they. So I asked if I could have my clothes back. Apologized for past actions, mainly not practicing, and hugged him. Following my clothes arrival, getting dressed he patted me on the ass. Saying if I promise my life for control over myself in life. That he'll let up on the restrictions, which I nodded in agreement too.

I found myself with Brourge at the bus stop in front of the bar. As the bus rolled up, I kissed my love quickly and got on as soon as possible. From which I lunged at George, in him arms I fell. We fell more of less, into the seat. From which he asked who that had been, I stated only a friend. Brourge, was his name, from which he stared out the window at him as he walked back to the bar. Luckily the sun had been high enough in the sky. Soon George and I focused on only each other's beings, as the coughs reigned. With him it was much less annoying then ever before. Such intimacy arose. It was all harmless, flirting no betrayal going on here. We were just enjoying each other's company. Holwiouse Atch, one of George's servants awaited us at one of the bus stops George insisted we get off at. The person serving my friend, was driving his monstrous blue car. In which we got into the back seat. Then being driven to his apartment.

Now as for Holwiouse, dark dark skin, no wrinkles from age, puffed out cheek bones, loud deepish voice, thick curly black hair, large wide white surrounded brown centered eyes. Dressed fancy as George had been. Of course was female, toned body though. Active women indeed, like myself. I believe she was African like George's partner, whatever his name had been. The fucker how tried to knife me. Anyhow I'm unsure about her is all, since my run in with these Africans has been bad luck. I doubt this women is no difference. So I tried to stay away from her.

At George's apartment we went inside to meet the other three servants of his. While in his comfortable home, we had dinner of an exotic sort. His words not mine. Play games that twisted my mind around, both physically addictive as with mentally expansive. Of course that was all after a few drinks, so its mainly a blur. Though I recall the three then the forth coming in later on. All the servants of slaves as George called them to be. Were all dressed fancy as the African had been, later on, only a collar as with cufflinks around their wrists, ankles, and necks were visible. Besides their naked beings.

Andrew Voizal, a male Russian. Light skin, but odd accent, not sure anymore. Hilarious, funny guy, somewhat built body, missing left eye. The one who made us all laugh doing the nights with jokes and acts. No hair seen, except for upon his head. Everywhere else it seems he waxes. Blue color dotted eye, freckles on face, light short brown hair.

Boucha Atich, a female Russian. Light skin, familiar accent. Skinny, very skinny, bulimic or anorectic perhaps. Very hard worker, did card tricks as with magic. Brown eyes, no eye lids really, dyed black hair. Even a light thin mustache was growing a bit, small ears too.

Kol Ishel, a female Arabic, I believe so. Not sure, but her bizarre accent was strong. A bit heavy then most I'm used to seeing. Played four instruments, drums, piano, trumpet, violin, maybe others. My senses were gone.

Next thing after he dinner and entertainment, had been me on my backside. Pants and panties off, one of the girls held me down while the other licked my lips below the waist. Damn did it ever feel GREAT! Been so long since I've had that. It continued for a while, not sure if they inserted anything or I climaxed. I found myself in a conversation with George's servants. All of them, I must have had something in my drink. About the sickness, from George entered and dismissed it all as being nothing more then rumor. He was a bit anger from what I recall. Unfortunately I don't remember what they told me. What a waste. As for my friend known as George. I teased him, till me tapped my butt, which had been clothed. I gently slapped him. From which we got into a wrestling match, I won, then passed out on top of him.

I don't recall anything sexual occurring, though intimate indeed overall.

_-April 20, 2137UH

What an odd week. The police wouldn't leave me alone. I had attacked a few even. Might of killed one, perhaps. They were part of the commoners, and most importantly the ones who wanted me dead. They got and get all that's coming to them, it's a deserving sentence for such hostility through envy. I'm sure it's the damn community of this island that have the police trying to kill me. Then again, if they really wanted my head, wouldn't they have taken my whole family out? Why are they playing such games? This whole situation, mess, and chaos. Known as my life, keeps getting more and more confusing as the days go on. Though what a rush its all been, though just as stressful. Father hadn't been around yet. So that's keeping us all down within. Then the civil war hasn't been worsening our optimistic potential.

Though I was able to talk with George during the week, I found myself more baffled then before. He was unable able to answer any of my questions directly. Only bullshit, because the police were watching, spying, stalking, and threatening to kill me if not were going to kill me. This occurred more then once, but overall I forgot about this first in the morning of Saturday. Leading my love into a mess of trouble, or it seemed.

Though at least, I had some time to focus my aura this week. Sure Brourge would have a fit, or punish me for not doing so. Then again, the possibilities would be endless if I had enough self control over such abilities.

By the way, as my weekend ended, I found myself there on that Friday night. What a enjoyable reoccurrence it had been. With George, in his private quarters, without anyone watching over me. I skipped out of George's place with ease, not even waking anyone this time. Though waking up on the floor had been a second for me. Its something I'm more then willing to repeat again to further this enjoyable relationship. With George or whoever, might be around. It didn't feel or seem like anyone did anything to me at least. Which is a good thing, no stains, or major damage to speak of. Everyone was passed out in the apartment again, the government life is truly sweet. Seems I was not wrong about that. Yet I had to hurry along, found myself wondering on the way to Brourge's bar. Why didn't he notice? My love didn't notice or mention why I hadn't been showered, properly dressed, or even ate anything. Then again, I wasn't all the hungry either. After being in the cave, I mean, and around himself. The last time we met up, then again George didn't say anything either. Why?

Upon the odd felt buss, I found myself feeling like a lazy piece of trash. No shower, change of clothes again, and without food. But I had to see Brourge as if I did go home last night. Ate, slept, and remained loyal as always. Of course my missed practice with those abilities wouldn't be missed I felt. Yeah, that's how I ended up at the front door step of the bar this early morning. It was surprisingly very warm. As With the bar practically empty, I checked the time upon a near by clock. I was Very early this morning. Though the front door had not been locked, so inside I went. The bartender, the one with the scar on his face, over his eyes. Was finishing setting everything up for the day. Surprised to find me this early the expression was unlike anything he'd given me before.

That very same bartender with a the accompanying waitress, who gave me no expression of even existing. Whatever the fuck her problem had been, he came up to me. Then asked if everything was alright, his voice being so gentile and concerned. Myself, barely even able to stand awaking to the world. Sitting down at one of inner tables within the bar, with a large breakfast before me. Streaming hot, of all sorts of diverse foods. Though perhaps my growling stomach found it to be more then it actually had been. With a warm meaty soup, a plate of tasty cinnamon toasted bread. Followed by the main course of a plate full with vegetables, pasta, meat, and melted cheeses. At the time I began to eat without saying a word of gratitude. When the bartender back over to refill my glass of water or milk. I had a mouth full of food, so my manners were very off as well. In the mist of forcing an inhale of that deliciously tastiness. He stated that I should just enjoy my food, no charge. Anything for Brourge's girl.

In that instance he was gone, people began to flood into the bar. The music turned on, the business was running as usual. Brourge also appeared. Usual accustom as always. He sat right next to me, at the inner bar table. Not far from my seating upon the wall. It was nice to have the extra room. Still, I hated those surrounding me. Apparently my lovely clearly heard my inner voice growing with disgust for these people. Mentioning to forget them, focus on my sense. What did it tell me. When doing so I found a huge disturbing threat was positioning itself to pounce. Whispering to him, who had it been. At this bar. He replied, "the police". With saying so, he got up to leave, I grabbed his sleeve. Asking if we could go somewhere they would have trouble finding us. He looked at my hand, I only tightened my grip, as he chuckled to himself. Asking that I follow him.

There we went again, I kept whispering to him. He'd better not leave me like all the other times. Which he insisted I was over reacting. Taking the back door and we were at the entrance of the cave. Quickly he ran down the earth bound steps as I followed, looking around the for helicopters or anything. It was silent. Then the sirens roars, flashed, the helicopters flew about. Asking for him to wait up, the cave lit up as we entered hastily. Within the safe sanctuary, we found ourselves locked in arms. Bare, naturally embracing the other, while washing up in one of the pools. Together we enjoyed out time, intimately bonding as one. It realeved a lot of stress. Again and again, I tried to play with Brourge as he me. However something was wrong, not sure what it might have been. So we just talked about things instead.

Skipping marvelously through topics of equality from race, species, sexual and or the plain desire of how someone decides to live their life which includes government, power, gender, class, blood type, physical, physiological well being, religion, society. Coming out to the fact, while our minds were opened. Or at least my had been. So I came out with the question, why were the police now after me. He responded after a pause. Then paced a bit, just as I had been. Yeah, forget we were moving about so much. Not really normal for me. Then again, never has such a abyss of knowledge comes sucking me down into its own. He asked me, who was after me. Which I responded as before, the police.

His grin emerged, signifying something wick was about to happen. Brourge then replied with the following. "The same police who are after me?", which I nodded. Though since he continued to smile and chuckle. Something was up, I mean, there had to be something I missed. So he asked, what we were. Which I answered, simply, "freaks". Which he questioned, "are we valuable?". Then a bing when off in my mind at that moment. I understood what he was telling me. It had not been that, the island community wanted me dead. Well that could still be very possible. Yet up to this point I never found that sort of scenario even existed. Which he followed up with, "Look at all aspects, not just those that are visible. Yet everything that's hidden." So he troubled my mind with another mystery.

Though thinking back, they must want him as well. For one thing or another, death is very relevant still. I mean, if we're valuable, they might be envious. Even fearful, those filthy commoners. Brourge continued with a story of those like us. Himself, my ancestors and the humans. Not commoners were always eliminating everything that posed a threat to their living ways. Humans have always been violent, selfish, and destructive. Regardless of what they might become, freaks or otherwise. Told me to always remember, that I was still human. Thus could die just the same, felt emotions just the same, and could regret always.

At the end of his speech, at least the humans are only after us. The Iron Moth would protect us from them.. Which he cocked an attitude at my statement, which had been a first. Not sure if I did say it aloud or in my mind. But that started an uncomfortable ending to our days hanging out. Upon getting dressed again, we found ourselves on different odds. I believed in the Iron Moth, fully. While Brourge saw no such Iron Moth, in any form of existence. That stung me greatly, too the point I almost cried in his arms. As we hugged before leaving the cave's entrance. His touch had been so passionately fulfilling, at least I knew he loved me. Such a sensation of unknown origin occurred within my being. I'm still not sure what it had been. Perhaps sadness, pure sadness, gloom rising, as the sun was already gone. So was the happiness of any sort. That conversation about he, not with the Iron Moth seemed to just tear me within. Why? Why did that bullshit matter anymore. I'm can't help the tears flowing as I write these words, but....

I feel uncomfortable around Brourge, my beloved. George might have his chance sooner then he thinks, for real this time around. Just my love, without faith or honesty for me to and him to bond. He lost that opportunity. I'll be finding someone else. What am I even saying anymore. Only a feeling this is, my sense says otherwise. Everything will be fine.

As for the rest of the shaking night, I found myself also stuck on words of wisdom from my love. He mentioned the police may not all be human. Then he vanished into the air, teleporting somewhere obviously. But let me alone, I guess he knew I wanted to talk some more. Perhaps he knew it better I be alone. Though even at that time, my eyes were tearing up. The night was cold and bitter as I. Taking the buss of all things, fucking drag. There was something odd, bells. Jiggles, numinous many of them. It must have been Brourge. Bastard loves playing his mind games. Looking about, as if actually trying to find him. I found a shadow in the distance. It wasn't still, kept moving as the bells rang all about. As if trying to confuse me. Terror ran through me, I felt it. My sense screamed to run. As I had, all the way to the bus stop. Upon a bus that pulled up, with my arrival. The jingles stopped completely, aware, alert and freaked out. I got on the buss, looking out and about the darkened ground around the bar. Seeing nothing, something hit me within. Was I not being followed? "Oh great!", shouted within me. With a sigh, I looked around the bus, being in the front seat had its disadvantages. More then ever, my heart rang with terror. Asking if they were there, would I be dead? Kidnapped? Or....worse....

Luckily, there was only four people on the bus. Some coughing others listening to music, giving me no mind. I sort of allowed the information from Brourge, and feelings that busted out now. Mingle within my being, overlapping, burning, I started to tear up before the bus stopped again. Few people came and went, found myself in a daze. Getting off at the wrong stop. Before waking up it was already off. So, slipping into an alleyway. I shortcutted my way home. But didn't land there, something else must of attracted me. As the dagger appeared. Fluttering over me, I could smell the delicious blood, burning bodies, and screams with gun shots blasting. Looking about, around a comer near a harbor on the cities north side. I found what attracted me.

Approaching, gunshots still fired, people still screamed, blood was counting to be split. The feeling, my sense, felt all of it. Sort of the highlight in my day. Considering Brourge ended with confusion with a mistake. Running about, my dagger following, and my eye sight blurring. There it had been. Two destroyed buses. Four burning buildings in a turnaround away in the streets bath. Since all the buildings were rounded, it seemed structurally fit. Which eased the roar burning fires in spreading. I wondered why no alarms went off, no fire team upon the scene. IT must been awhile before I arrived. Yet, I couldn't help but get closer and closer. Finding the dead, still holding onto life. Shot with holes, gun tight in hand, one tried to shoot me with an empty magazine. Fool she was, I gently placed me foot over her hand. She died moments later.

Oh, how I basked in the glow of chaos, roaring. Why did people fear this, pathetic commoners. They were all such a thing to me, or will be. I'll see to it. An uncontrolled laugh blurted out. As the spectacle became ingrained in my mind. The buses burning bright, with the four apartment buildings. Or store, crumbled with every blazing crackle. As the people in side suffocated, bullets were as if rain upon the street with few guns to fit them. Bodies were scattered about, handing, burning, dead, dying, bled, short, or rammed. Mangled some of them bad been, scary though. It could have been me. The smile turned around, as my father, in a Military apartment building. He could have been killed tonight. I panicked greatly, then realizing I was in the wrong part of city. Trying to feel the scene again, a cop car rolled up. Flashing their lights. Blinding me in white, but that changed to a black out.

When I came to a conscious stance, I was upon the sidewalk of my front house. Chekcing myself repeating I found everything had been there. As with nothing added. Glasses, purse, clothes unstained, no blood, or wounds. It was a delightful feeling to at least know, I hadn't gotten into anything too serve. If there had been someone following me I feel they might of lost track. Though, later in the night, the nerving thought of someone inhuman. Like myself for instance might have been following me the entire time. Yeah, happy loving Brourge never misses a moment does he.

Did my family stuff, they were not much in my thoughts recently. More of what was hppening to my life, to what I knew. What is happening to Sperack Island? I couldn't sleep this night. I heard bombing. Large "booms!", as with the ground shaking slightly. Was the civil war occurring yet again? I was terrified, cud lining in my bed with the lights on. Listening to the sounds of war. Father, be safe.

_-April 21, 2137UH

You know what I feel had been the most surprising feature last night? No alarms, sirens, no declarations of war or even attack. At least the Military Base upon Sperack should of sounded their alarms, alerting me through communications. That war was a foot, but nothing occurred even close to that. I recall, that the Military manual had to be literally memorized before a job opportunity even appeared. So yeah, I know exactly what I'm fucking talking about. The real question lies with who is part of the conspiracy that led to betrayal. What's their objective? Is the cancerous plot and sickness of the Sperack Island part of the attack? I know, there are choices being made, both Government and Military sides know what's happening. Like my teacher's family. Why we're they warned and not us? They could of told everyone on the island, but why didn't they? This must be the Civil War, ranging for another pointless year. Fools fighting one another, for countless generations, long before my family even existed. But the more important questions is, why? What are the Government and Military fighting over? Why is it taking such a long time? Why did they publicly deem a peace agreement?

Seems, the only way I'm going to find out why my father is dying. Why, so many others are missing if not running. Why the home leaders of Sperack have folded, allowing it all to happen in the first place. I need to find a high person within the conspiracy, they'll answer everything. Oh, where is the Iron Moth, I need guidance. For Brourge has only been becoming a, smaller influence. Nothing more special about him then me. Yeah, got up late, go figure, since the night had been a bombing parade. Which the Minformation confirmed that the news stations didn't. Which just has led me to pressure George, hell be my key in this game of who. The truth will be reveled, or death will come over me. But yeah, destruction caused by planted bombs, hand grenades were devastating to both sides. A good portion of both Government and Military sectioning had to be closed off by police.

Felt like shit, again, its odd neither George or Brourge even notices when I'm underdressed. Even without a shower, makeup, the usual attire. Which gave me another thought. Are they just heartless bastards who don't care, do they care about feelings and stay quiet. Or, do they love me regardless, I hope it's the last scenario. What a morning, though I had been able to pick something up before leaving for Brourge's bar. A sandwich was just the thing I needed. Thinking about who to start with, for my investigation was a struggle in and of itself. Because I found, distraction, firstly being my shower made no difference. The cloud pool has always cleaned our body, even Brourge's. I guess you get used to the whole thing after awhile. Which is nonsense anyhow. The second had been my lovely police trailers, which incidentally. With those urges rises, I thought about what they would do with me. If indeed they managed to kidnap me. My eyes popped open with an answer, while getting aroused. If I would allow to have me. Then, with my abilities. They would answer everything I asked of them. Sadly, the thought of sudden death didn't fair well with my mind. Considering I wasn't all that strong with self control, among other things. If they weren't human. Then my life would be over, considering this had been a battlefield. So there went that plan.

Meeting Brourge, we found ourselves walking to cave as usual. Talking about the monstrous civil war. How they could continue for so long, trying to allow his words to slip about more on the topic. Perhaps a person, building, group, any lead had been fine by me. But he saw through it, even commenting, I didn't enjoy the blood? At first I laughed with him, walking down those cave steps, quickly turning around the thought. Into myself being the innocent victim of society, that I am. Which he shoved off, I almost punched him. Yeah, my period started this day. The strangling effects were interwoven, tensing up without warning, damn it. So constant pains were coursing through me, all day. Though we had something simple planed for the rest of the day. Focusing our aura, which made sense completely. Considering the situation. Must admit those police not even being seen, such a astonishing relief. The day with Brourge, really set things straight we us, felt in love all over again. Fluttering, despite my inner natural uncomfort, which I feel had been suppressed my by one and only. It seems believable, always looking out for me. He'd do anything for us to be happy.

Brourge had us sit by the pool, in the sands, clothed. Concentrating our aura, within and expanding such a thing. Though eventually, as I should of known. A rivalry game started between us, lighting humorous bits. Upon our faces, eyes welded shut in harmony, but aura expanding further and further. The feeling, stood out. I realized, the expansion of such an energy within only kept growing. With no signs of ending, only touch was intact, as my eyes wouldn't open. I had to keep this alive, the moment, and Brourge was keeping them shut with his own abilities. Which only frightened me for a few minutes. Next thing, Brourge's aura starting stressed my own bubble. So I formed a hand, slapping him with such expanding energy from within.

Of course, that had been just a further invention for himself. He had to show off, our giggly selves danced in the air, echoing. Which trigged even more chuckles of the events to come, oh the harmonious fire grew within me. Not of natural pain, but a sprit only he seemed to be able to bring out of a women like me. I love him, Brourge. A cheating giggling showoff, that's what he became, my one and only. Something took place, that had only appeared in my imagination once because of this particular moment taking place. With my legs crossed upon the sand, I felt such rumble began scatting from around me as my aura's bubble grew further then before. As If he had disappeared. So yeah, my eyes were shut by he, so he was still around. With a sudden touch, Brourge found his way into my bubble. His hands, formed from energy that had come from one other then myself. Opened a window, stepping through. I felt him all the way. Each little infiltration step had felt like broken glass shattering as heaviness over came me. Magical it had been, nothing else felt like this afternoon.

Yet, his priding of myself grave me those urges again through remembrance. Though no pain erupted, only arousal. Happily giggling, feeling the oddness of his penetration into my bubble. One thing led to another, and I couldn't help but touch my lower lips. While beginning to laugh, but had broken my concentration all together. Laughing as it tickled while immediately drawn back into my being. That energy which had been my aura. Opening my eyes, reveling what had occurred. I tried to act professional again. Being everything was over in a single blink of an eye, his stare utter had no laughter. The vision had been fuzzy a bit, what a sensation, I just sat there as things settled down within me. He stood over me, hands behind his back. Telling about all that happened, why he had been so disappointed. Ordering my eyes to be shut, turning my blind gaze to the dirt. I half expected my pain to return, out of punishment. Yet nothing happened like that.

He only asked why I let up, why my concentration was over before even beginning. If this had been a battlefield, against an enemy that I would have been killed. If not in their torturous mercy. He asked if I wanted that sort of life, that the chance to see my family wouldn't even be an option. I answered with a "no". Brourge continued, saying not to move or do anything more this day without commandments from he.

He mentioned my other side is much more merciful then he. Which, he further explained the knowing and yet influenced natural cycle I was on today. My other side was suppressing the pain with made me smile greatly. Though I had been punished, writing down the sands, pool, etc. Words to both follow and memorize. Brutal, described it in full. As he watch from afar. Teasing me, with what intimacy was to come. Nope, wrote words as with phrases that ranged from concentration, self control, obey, etc. After the punishment, I found us going over potentially greater and more effective methods of improving ones feeling of the soul and aura compressed capacities deep within. Including all the unused energy being used elsewhere and thus being wasted as producing more then is being created. Anyhow that would not be allowed to share elsewhere, we practiced in a match of combative skills, once again

That very same arena, where I lost before and was penetrated by the rubbery toy of Brourge's, we zipped over there and began upon reaching the borders outskirts, luckily I was looking towards Brourge, his punch would had broken my rips if had I not been watching, instead I managed to jump into the arena. Landing I stared up at Brourge as he walked with ease then leaped to the arena floor. Never has he seemed so clam, when I in turn trembled in my defensive stance to his every move and flitch, he walked towards me and I only stepped back. Unsure of what to advance with or should I allow him to advance and then counter attack once he's exposed, my thoughts on this matter were scatted, though I tried the techniques of Brourge, still was unable to slow my heart beat and gain control over my being, it would appear I'm going to be training for awhile.

With only a blink he was lunging towards me, then I struck him as he struck me only difference was, I fell to floor in shirking agony while he stood up and watched, sighing.

This continued on for several upon several bouts, though he showed how to reduce the pain and induce even more potential damage to an enemy. Slowly and tiring I shuttered my groans of pain and focused on mainly producing my assaults....which was again useless. Though the compliments on my improvement in reducing the pain inflicted upon me by Brourge was quite enough on its own, for him to compliment me in any way or fashion is truly a reward.

The my lovely young one, gave such a lecture. Which I sat, listening. Happy to have placed my glassed into my purse for all this. Which later it didn't matter, the pool would have mended such things anyhow. I understood and comprehended such a thing, agreed with it, but I will refrain from writing such a thing, no need to write it. Not my emotional reactions merely intellectual thoughts.

Took the dark, yet warm night bus home. As if it actually led there I wouldn't be so fearful. Nor would my family have to be either for me as I them. What a fucked up world.....luckily a girl like me has men in her life. Like Brourge and George, whatever their after ti gives such a lovely sense of want, desirability, a reason further to exist and hope for the sun rising another day.

The bus ride was great, Brourge saw me to the stop with other commoners around us. Some coughing, the buss came by not long after he for the bar. I swear the moo looked wondrous this night, even it if had not been full. The light alone, seemed to represent a great day wholly. Nope, soon, over the loud engines of the bus and the people coughing about. I found myself witnessing, everyone else move around. To my side of the buss. Yet staring outside their windows intently, even the bus itself slowed some. Then shifted back onward. Right after the gunshots blazed fire in the night. Between two cars, both driving like crazies, one slammed into bus's side even. But both continued on blasting away. The thing more interesting would be that flashing lights atop. The formal information all over their identical vehicles. They were police cruisers. Of the same island, the people carried heavy weapons too, not just a simple handgun. But more of a shotgun and rile. One stray shattered a bus windshield, nearly killing one women aboard.

Those two driving nuts, drove off the road and into the fields as our driver reported the incident pulling into the city. I began to imagine what was happening and why, but our fellow people aboard. Which had been quiet a crowd. Found themselves ducking in a knifing and gun shooting the driver. Wasn't sure what happened when. Only a gunshot, shouts, and the bus crashing into a nearby building. Our drivers brain's sliding down the windshield as his body lumped upon the steering wheel. With the communication device in hand, still held tightly. By the way, I had been able to make this deduction, after everyone evacuated the bus entirely. Including the two who assaulted on another in the crowd on board. I believe the man with the knife threw his weapon at his attacked. Wounding him enough to strangle them to death. Which had been unfortunately for everyone. Someone upon the rooftops joined in on the dispute, shooting people down left and right. The shot itself was large and loud, accurate placements they were upon the feeling passengers.

Poor fools, if they only knew how much they were valued. Again commoners fit them. Yet the sudden explosion sent chills of confidence within me. Revealing I had been still on the bus, with my eyes wide. Trying to hide behind seats. While the attackers countered as the defenseless ran or countered. Hoping I would be overlooked, every time the attacks sought a new target a sweat came over my being. As the Dagger grew more and more vivid. I wasn't ready to be soaked in blood, no. I refused to be brought into a war that's lasted for so many worthless years. Not to mention, if people knew what I had been, they would seek my death with haste. If not my families'.

As entertaining the shootout between the Government and Military had been. I found myself in utter fear, hate that the only way to stop it would be to finished the war off. At least upon my homeland, why did it have to come here. What's here that would attracts such fierceness, needless killing, death without rational. Where is the Iron Moth, how could our god allow such horridness to occur within Humanity. Soon the police showed up, more guns, deaths, and I teleported home.

Thinking of Brourge, I cried, asking what would come next? Does my old self have to die, in order the new to thrive? Because it seems that Sperack may not last much more.

Perhaps that's the reason, why the Iron Moth gave such abilities to me. Solve the war, keep the peace, show others the way. Like Brourge, my loving man. With a slight pains, I concentrated my aura, all night into the morning. Fall asleep doing so, I know this because I'm writing while doing so. Seems self control just needs discipline and patience after all. I also feel, I should try it out. What I'm able to do, I mean, apparently. My period was still ongoing, yet not pain at all. Only flowing relaxation. Such Power!!

It'll be necessary to face the troubles ahead, to bring an answer from my investigation. Even found some time for pleasure, cutting myself, not completely on purpose. Just trying to levitate a few things, have them attack me. See if my defenses were enough to block the simplest of objects. Which they were. Even skipped dinner. Anyhow...

I feel such liveliness....

_-April 22, 2137UH

Uptight and stressed out, this is what described me this day. Even if Broruge, we had met once again, sharing the suffering together. Though, once again, went very early to see my love. Without a breakfast to speak of, just figured the pool in the cave or cave itself would finds its ways. When asking the bartender this morning, found my lovely in a mess. He was taking a shower then scared eyes bothered him. Yet instead of taking the front entrance of the bar. We went out the back, walking there to such a place of absolute harmony. Where my dirty love, found himself and I taking a dip together into one of those cleansing pools. As I figured was to happen anyhow. Nothing special though, just myself relaxing. Soothing the never ending stress. While Brourge showered, in about the same manner. I started chuckling a bit, it had gone unnoticed. Thinking about how human science couldn't come up with such a device like the pools of the cave. I mean, something that both can cleanses your body of any non body friendly material, and fill your empty stomach, as with the whole supernatural aspects. Truly a Iron Moth creation, had to be. My lord indeed, or all of life's lord.

Still, was nervous the entire time. Fearful of everything ending because of those fucking police or the Civil War barging into our world. Brourge and mine, of course is what I'm referring to. Yeah, a book finally made it to me from my man, haven't even taken a look. I'm sure it would sooth plenty of my sores. However I feel, there is more needing to be done here. Naturally he sensed my mood, being so uptight and without ease. So after or during his little shower. He, sort of, caused me to push up against the pool's inner edge. Grabbing hold of the sands behind me. His member from which his tongue had been. Founds it way into me, shooting up, twirling around, slow then hastening. Only unimaginable pleasurable moans could be helped, echoed from myself. Heard in the cave's many tunnels and spaces. Eventually, after many twisting, spins, and shouts. I found myself in ecstasy. Nothing more then high fluttering carried me through the few hours ahead.

Luckily we had both been naked in the pool, it did lighten me up greatly. Guess its those surprises that cause me to truly enjoy his company. Yet, I believe, clothed or not. He would of eaten me out, whatever he feels. Just happens to occur by his hand, regardless. Such a man my love had been. Raising my sprits, had been just a the icing on the tip of our bonding relationship. From there, we just sat around talking with one another. Mainly about me. For he still saw an over done worry in my face. Over many things, scared of what might happen next. Brourge finally stated, that from what all I've learned with him. The being inside me, that's more then just awoken. That I, had such power, portions have only been able to fantasize about such a thing. That I shouldn't be fearful of anyone on Sperack Island, especially the fools who tampered with me before hand. He said something else as well, but it gave me a fluffiness to lay upon. Mentally, I began to quell the scars. Though terror remained, I found my attention drifted towards releasing my lustful urges. Upon those bullies of mine, if not any other fool.

Further the conversation grew, though our time together had been very short. Saying, more so, I could easily be a force to be reckoned with through much needed training, discipline, practice, and self motivation. Those words only confirmed my desires, they had been such a lifting force fro all the other shit in my life. Such a waving fluffiness just waved over me, comfort appeared without hesitation. Or that was Brourge himself. We just hugged, as the dart of guilt burned me alive. For I found, another portion of why relationships such as this, exist. To bring comfort and relieve stress for the other in times of need. That guilt feeling had been relieved yet still flowed, waiting to take hold again. In the end, my love walked me home. In the daylight, mid day, we talked all the way there. Though mostly, he allowed me to just enjoy being with him elsewhere in the world that at the bar, silo, or cave. It was the most wondrous feeling, to be seen in public with him. Though no one really took notice, then again. Seems my love played another trick.

All the way to my house, we hugged, kissing deeply the other. While people passed on by, upon the sidewalks not noticing. So much hyperness exploded from me, almost a young child. Just me and him, here in mid day, sunlight. It was such a taboo thing, unheard of, it could cost us our lives. Even my family could see us, and trouble could brew. Which I felt, Brourge and I could then live together if such a thing occurred. It was only then our lovely word of passion came through, as I complimented on our travel here. At such a time in the day. He added, they can't really see us. My mind had been boggled slightly, yet unlike now, it was just over excited to realize what happened this day. Though, he disappeared in a flash. While I went elsewhere, some place quiet to train my being. For the massacre of my enemies, those bullies of mine. Will parish by this dagger and these hands. That's what I told myself. As for Brourge, it seems, he shielded us both from even being seen walking to my house. At least humans couldn't see us, which makes sense. I really didn't care, just loved the fact he took his time for us to have a walk home.

Upon the shoes of the Island, I found myself soaking up in the sun. Focusing such energy within, finding myself. Expanding my being, the dagger entice me, as it dance before me. The hours passed as in minutes. But at the end of this day. Found myself, feeling ten years younger, more powerful then I would be able to do anything. From picking up a building, moving part of the ocean, hiding myself, looking into the minds of others. But that voice spoke to me as well, within, saying such comforting things. That I should plan out my attack upon my enemies. Transporting home from near the bus station of near my living Military area. Yet instead I stopped myself, only wishing to ponder on what happened this day. How to hunt down my enemies, to ensure I was not implicated in their deaths. For it had been a while since I spilt blood, which after realizing what I'd been thinking. Fear caught me by surprise. Yet only an instant, no longer or less.

Went right back to myself. Walking in the darkness, without the sun, Only a slight moon spaced the sky. Though I focused my sights upon the shadows, they were more then just visible. Clear as the day, indeed. Abilities, oh yeah, night vision and my lord only knows what else has been given to me. Of course Brourge already knows, like anything else.

At home, when no one had been around. I used the Minformation. I found the information on my bullies, marking down their names. Work, friends, places they go, etc. Saw a Shenn Que logo in the comer of the screen. On the news or profile for someone. Which only made me think of my friendly George Ganst. My money machine. I'd have to meet up with him again, during the week. Seems like its been while. Even though I know it hasn't. After which I masturbed this night. Into the morning, to both my boys.

George and Brourge. Whispering their names into the night.

_-April 25, 2137UH

In the early hours of the morning for the Tuesday, Sperack Island Community meeting. Which by the way, they've been swaying more towards people and judging others. Including pointing our Jenny as being a prime former suspect to look out for. I was, as if not even existent anymore. Overall, found myself already fully awake upon that Tuesday. Not sure if it had been a dream at that point, but the dagger kept spinning itself around my hands. If I was only seeing through the eyes of my other self. Or was my conscious actually becoming one with my unconscious? All I truly know, is the Sperack Island Community meeting had been dispersed. Do to the dead person in the bathroom stalls at our church behind the Iron Moth statue in city square. Yet, in the morning I found peace, reviewing their dead shocked faces in my mind, over and over again. Till finally I got my chance, for the person found in the churches dead stalls had been one of my ex bullies.

Watching one of those damn little fools, and getting out of view from George. I found that little muscle built girl. Midget, watching her. Go into the stall, closing after locking. Her long hair, boyish looks. Upon that toilet, couldn't help but chuckle at that fact she overlooked. That death had chosen her today, as I went forward laughing about. I see her, through the stall, how ugly. Her being alerted, aware that she had not been alone. But that alone wouldn't save her, I chuckled to. The thought of what to do, came as a surprise to me. So, I got creative. Firstly, ensuring I had become invisible to those eyes of hers. Then moved on, getting into the stall, which she sat. Grabbing hold of my dagger, standing next to her. With a sudden movement, with such a dagger slashing about. The blood, mystically sang a song with her screams of assult. Which I muffed in our little bubble. No one could hear her, nor could she see me.

Oh the look upon that fat, tiny, terror confused face. She fell off the toilet, holding her slashed side with both hands. Yelling, inching tightly upon the stall's wall. Staying away from the place that I, stood. Making sure the door had been locked, securely, not even a muscle bitch like herself would have a chance. No, she only breathed heavily, her sweat stunk of fearing death. She felt so helpless, slamming upon the stall door, even the little slots between the stalls were blocked by me. So much screaming, blood squirting, and panicking. Quite sure she was to have a heart attack. Yet I had another idea. Walking up to the frightened commoner, I knocked her out. Then worked my magic.

Going back into the church of my family, George, and the fools. Sitting down, yet watching my little midget come to life. Awoke she had, only to find my barrier keeping those organs in her being, disappeared. When she tried to walk away from the stall door. With the bubble in still existence around her, no one herd those screams. Nor saw the blood dripping by the door. As she ensured her placement upon that door. That held her life, as with those organs within. Sadly, I ensured someone would be walking into the women's bathroom. By the time I left. Indeed, there had been a person, walking in as I left. Allowing the trap to be sprung.

Making certain all the other stalls were securely locked, I opened my little midget's stall. So the unsuspecting women who entered. Went to each slot, finally coming across my bullies. Oh the look, the feeling, such fear wrenching terror split from her being. She tried so much to keep herself on that door, but, I only laughed. Became even aroused at the emotional stress she suffered. Even my little bully knew what was coming as the bubble and door's lock released. To feel the door open, her organs of all sorts spilling to the restroom floor. Followed by screams in the air, as she slowly died. Swimming helpless in that blood of hers. One of the three, had died magnificently today, but two more were on the list. My little brown hair anorexic bitch and that bald headed blond bastard. Both would soon get theirs, only later on. I let out the laughter. Today, for my first priceless justice carried out for freaks everywhere. As with my own pleasures too, but also for the envious who murdered millions. Freaks died because commoner's couldn't keep their jealously under control.

There had been only one disturbing problem, someone watched me commit this justified act. A familiar yet odd sense I gained. It was there before. Few times even, but overall just my paranoid self perhaps. After coming home with my family, pondering how and who watched me this day. Then as how to get the other two bullies of mine. On the bus, no one coughed anymore, then again, it seemed like few people were active in my area of living anymore. Just was not the same without father though. Regardless, those feelings lasted temporally. My sights found themselves upon the next two. Which is who I sought after with the information from the Minformation in hand. In which time I had a breakdown when the information led me astray. What I had become, what I had done, killing another with such aroused excitement, crying even. Was it natural to be such an extremity of sadistic behavior? Though the tears wiped away. Then I found them. Yet not those I had been seeking. The police, who trailed me, stalked and found me to be worthy of their time. They aggravated me so much, yet in my mind. I knew it all had to be George. Trying to protect his women, or something. That had to be it. Getting in my way, more then once, I charged. Blowing up their cars. However, allowing them to live. Feeling better about myself, knowing I wasn't a pure cold killer after all.

Well into the night, I found where baldly and skinny had been. At the other end of the island. Near the power plant. Four cars, three had been full of people, their island community leaders must of given a job I assumed. To hunt other traitors down. That's must have been it, because it had been what I caught them doing. Killing a man, near the outter wall of the power plant. Like they tried with me, but failed miserably. They beat the man to death as I watched upon the top of the power plant building wall. In my hiding mood of course. No one could see, especially pathetic commoners. As the sunrise was no more, nightfall came swiftly as I watched. Their wooden and metal clubs chopping away. His pleas for help, nothing more then a breeze in the nippy air. The others waiting at the three cars were drinking of course. Hanging out, ripping apart their targets vehicle for parts.

Fifthly rats, they all are! Suddenly flashlights came on, too see their surroundings. The man, had been repeatedly struck in the head when I jumped down for a closer look. Poor guy, he was also Military. Bastards, working for the Government, so the Island is controlled by the rich fuckers after all. That's what I said, aloud too. I did shed a tear for the dead man, but those two. Walking away from the scene of their duty completed. Didn't hear nor see me, however, found my appearance noticeable. Even with the bubble encasing my hidden existence. The brown skinny boned women of the two. Which was all had been at the scene. Found something to be in the darkness they let behind. Bu they continued to walk forward still. Raising their hands to the crowd of their little mobs. Regarding a fine traitor taken car of. That women continued to look alert and shaken about me not being there or not. Her fear was evidently being shown through those sweaty shakes. Making me smile, perhaps I should make sure such misery ends. It would be inhuman to allow such trash to walk about, knowing their terror of the darkness. Of their past, could appear at any moment. It was the right thing to do, I chuckled so much. Thinking about my rationales.

Holding my hand up, the dagger latched into such a palm. With a tight grip, I began to walk towards the two I sought. For my revengeful pleasure, and to those who died at their hands. It was a justified death for these two little tools. The bubble lessened, as I approached, as I wanted it too. Just a last bit of fun for my exfriends. My smiling, laughing, giggling, insane look upon my face. They both turned back, fasling those lights in my eyes. As the dagger rose up above them both, standing side by side. In disbelief of my existence. As if a ghost from the dead! Their silence, adoring silent gapped calls for help only sweetened the moment. Priceless expressions, fear wrenching eyes, shacking bodies. How fitting it all had been.

Gun shots shattered the scene, countless screams, and a explosion could be heard in the distance. Both of my tormented fools say something along the lines of their friends at the car. I silenced myself into the bubble again. Never the less my two fools only crouched down next to the wall and turned off their lights, trying to keep each other quiet. Did they know something I didn't?

Followed by a more rifle shots, with a new aura sense. Booming, large, powerful, pulsating. It even shook me to my knees out of the hiding in the bubble completely. Luckily there were a line of bushes upon the power plants wall, which I hide from the assaulters sight. As my tormented fools ran off, even after seeing me. I stood up, regaining my ground. As more ear shattering shots sounded in the night air. There were no cars, helicopters, or sirens. It must have been either the Military or Government striking back. Yet I couldn't get a clear look out where the gun fire occurred from. Finally, while concentrating, it was one person. Large large large figure, skinny, with one rifle, and small bulges over his being. Yet so powerful, I was out of breath when gunfire continued. Hitting the cars, all fours soon exploded. People burned, screamed, died. At least their not with them, maybe another freak like me. I thought.

Soon my bullies, seeing their escape was gone. As their friends, one by one were shot down. Decided to come for their last respects, perhaps to finish the job. Not sure completely. The bald one and skinny, stood behind me. Out of breath, saying my name in disbelief. As if questioning their own sanity. So holding the dagger, my sense sent a chill down my spine as I was about to kill them both. Smiling all the while. But, I feel forward. Something hit me in the back of the head. I just feel into the dirt before their feet. must have been shot I guess. Nothing seen, heard, or felt. Couldn't even more after regaining consciousness. Apparently someone put me into a paralyzed state. How idiotic for me to have been so reckless in that situation. Assumed a bit to much, and could have been killed, easily. Not sure why I hadn't been killed. Luck was on my side, more or less.

When I woke, near the power plant, in the early morning which the sun began to rise over the lands. The all mighty pain, burned into my being. Every bit of consciousness, trying not to scream or cry from the pain, regained from my post eternal sleep. In that raining mud filled space behind the elegant bushes that outlined the power plants exterior. My clothes were muddy, dirty, even few blood stains. Yet not other bodies around, the burning cars of yesterday, last night. Was no more, it all seemed so blurry in the falling rains that triumphed the lands. I just zapped myself into my room. Then, without no one else around. Found myself in the bathroom, cleaning up. With a new set of clothes, hot shower, reviewing the events of the night. It become more and more vivid as the minutes passed. When ready to join my family. After writing down some notes, to describe the what I recalled.

Downstairs, in these still, early hours. Everyone was huddled around the screen in the living room. Where the Minformation spoke of deaths, the Iron Moth statue, in homes, in the streets, our glorious leaders. Taking a seat with my family members, with the exception of father. I saw the horrors of last night into the morning. This marked just another, G and M, Civil War conflict. Where all Sperack Island Community Leaders were all found assassinated. As with other unexplainable massacres, that were some of my own. My bully in the bathroom, which showed. I tried to hide the smile, as to not draw attention. There were way more then I figured. Means, the Civil War was just on the rise. Yet awoken already. There was no other explanation for the attacks of such destruction. Buildings practically dissolved, cars exploded, bodies only found in scattered portions, guns with abundance of ammunition hidden everywhere one found a place out of sight. I couldn't believe what happened, then again more then happy.

When everyone was on their daily schedule, or left the Minformation. I found the information on where my bullies were hiding. The dagger waved about, as I smiled. We both knew, the lovely time this day had in store for us. After which I went along, finding the Government hospital, those I targeted. They were barely alive. In those small little curtained rooms. There were so many there, many seemed dead if not dying. The man, had been paralyzed while the women, had no lungs to speak of. What happened that night? Who attacked me? Attacked them? Why, what's the motive. As for people like myself on the Government side, there didn't seem to be any at the building which I was. I passed by people, hiding myself. It was easy, easy enough to even pass through the curtains without moving them. So weird though, the feeling had been. As if walking through a pool of water then ending up the other side.

Now the most mysterious part of the day. Besides the nigh before. I saw them, over fifteen identically dressed person in tight black suits. Nothing on them showed, one found me near the women. Even spoke, saying, "Military comrade. Please stay back, for this will be quick. I'd advise you leave with haste. Reinforcements will arrive to secure this island from further outbreaks of destruction. Considering our handiwork last night. Right?" Which they began to laugh with me. As others walked to each person in the hospital beds.

Her or his words, etched into my mind. No one saw them, spoke to them, even gave signs to them existing here and now. But they continued to do the same thing. Including the person in front of me. The women, my bully, had the life choked out of her. Literality, the person in the entirely outfitted black suit. Put both of their hands around my bully's throat. Still she stopped breathing, which is I guess. That particular person spoke to me. Just passing the time. Then began to walk over to the next hospitalized patient. Everyone in the black suits did the same. Either choking, snapping necks, or poison. These people, were the one's responsible for the massacres. But she stated something that is obvious. They were at least Military, for they didn't attack me. So, friendly. I left the hospital right away, thinking then and now. Those people were like me? Could it have been true? I'm not the only one on this island? Does Brourge know, which he does of course. Like anything else. Though this still is in sighting the week, not Saturday. I had to wait to speak of what I saw. Though, it didn't stop me from continuing my investigations.

I knew that groups scent, so to speak, a mechanized cold honey dust sort of feeling. Or it could be an actual scene my other side had picked up. For the rest of the week, just tried to trail people, find out why Freaks, like myself. Are here from the higher up Military. I sure the special killing operations are not carried out by those like my teacher. Speaking of getting late to school. I found myself without him, my teacher had disappeared. Perhaps part of that assassination operation I saw either. As if he would say anything. Which was odd, they should know me as only an enemy or adversary. Why were they friendly to me? I now know they have reported me to their higher ups, if they didn't know already that is. Why didn't they see me as a threat. I have not been at the Military Base or anything to deal with Military movements for ages. Oh yeah, seeing George too. We got a bit intimate in hard to see places when we hung out.

Which included the very day it was announced. That Sperack Island was not under quarantine by the UHEG and ATTO selected security force. Which had been that tall fellow from Shenn Que Estates, I found out through the Minformation. For the confirming details of what his job entails. Who was involved, besides just the Military and Government. Which indeed it included contractors from outside the battle field. Or hopefully that was the case, as it even suggested that had been the reason. The Seather Naturalord company as with someone I don't recall. Only that they have been seen. Their somewhat Irish accented personal, at least Brourge's book matched the description of Irish. Then of course the green frosted logo upon supplies helicopters, boats, uniforms, etc. What a logo, of a three armed staff holding the head of a demon in the middle. Not sure of its meaning. As for Seather, more of a company that is mainly security and science categorized. They have expanded a bit since I heard of them. Seems they now are more of a central part of the UHEG. Odd, the world moves in mysterious ways indeed.

I found myself wondering about George, would be kill me? Even Brourge, seeing such destruction in my world. They were after all on the same side I would assume. And I, just a simple military girl. Regardless of being a Freak. I might be more of Noble then ever before, but I'm still only a commoner. No more of less. Could be only a pawn used in their sick game of life. Then, getting rid of me. Which now that I think about it. That has to be it. Brourge only wants me for a weapon just as George. My lovely boys, how fool could they be. Not saying I don't enjoy our intimate loving moments. Its better this way, since was has been revived. If I kill them, they will stay with me, forever. When the time comes, when I become a queen. Putting an end to all his nonsense. No more death, war, or hate. Only peace and love will rain under my eternal rule. I know, its possible, that's why I will obtain it all. In fact this pages will hold my steps to obtaining power in the end. Nothing will stop me, as long as my boys stay faithful. Yeah, it's a perfect plan. I have found the male to be easily manipulative so far. If anything does go wrong. I have my other side.

In the worst event, my other man could take the one out. Yup, that's perfect, even the Military might protect me. Since I am a valuable member of their society. At least it's a stepping stone option. Everyone will see that I'm not worthless nor could ever be again in my lifetime. They'll fear, to follow me. This is also why I have written upon the cover of this diary that Brourge will never read. Only for my eyes to gaze upon when the world I mine. "Is It Love or Insanity", were the words I carved into the dairy that is my own. That will tail me in taking over the world. Where all others have failed.

In the nights I found myself beating my flesh into my being, cutting and slicing with sharp objects. Allowing the pain to pulsate through every portion. Without stopping I found the point of high after high. Both the fantasy of power enraged me while also the guilt of betrayal smiting. Though after some sleep, snipers were positioned upon the rooftops of nearly every building. More were flown in every hour, by that Irish companies helicopters. They had to take up some of class at the academy. Speaking about the entire island under a curt view. That no one without permission will be allowed to walk at night. Or they will be shot on sight. Without exception, using my cell phone. I had a code all Nobles were given to ride the streets at night. All I had to do with punch the weekly code to walk freely. The snipers upon the roofs would have machines that pick up on my cell phones wave length. Or a certain code being directed from me to them. So it was just another day to me. At this point, I found my class of near fifty had shrunk into nearly twenty six. Including me, the Civil War was getting insane. Luckily for the security, things should be going back to how it used to be.

George was very useful, just had to watch my step so I'm not ensnared into his trap of servitude. Yet I will not tell Brourge of this being free to walk the streets during the night. This way I can hang out with both daily. Which during this day. Saturday, I hung out with Brourge. We talked a bit, we even went out in public around the island. Going through police barricades without him running. Honestly, that alone just sent such feelings of security and comfort. Throughout my entire being. Nothing could have been better to see he embraced the danger with me. I asked him what sort of police those were to not cause him to run. He gave such an odd look. I found myself seeing he was saying, I knew something had been up. As if untrusting. Which I had, hoping it didn't show as much as I felt it had. Finding a few places upon the island's edge. We played, again and again and again. I must of orgasmed eight times. Felt light as a feather, from each one. I could lift off the ground if I really wanted. The last playful tale was in the cave. In which we saw an animal passing by near a tunnel. As we continued our play, it just watched us from afar. Creeping me out a bit, so we talked about it. Which by the way, forgot to tell him about the meetings being cut short.

It being a fox type, with long legs, wonderful colored patterns. With those perky hair fitting ears. This one had a large mane upon its chest, and around his head. The red, orange, black, as with while colors made up the patterns of the animal. An astounding creature none the less, its younglings trailed behind it. Brourge informed me that, he, was a warrah. Not just a fox, the difference was in the behavior towards humans. As with extinction differences. And its body structure. Closer to an actual wolf then any fox. Before any more questions we got to the bondage play for the day. Luckily we transported ourselves on the island, or we would of run into the curt view hours of the night. Not saying it bothers me. Just I didn't want Brourge hurt or worried.

Firstly, upon that stone table, I was securely tied down by all four limbs. In an eagle spread as he called. With my arms tied to stakes or under rock formations, pillars of unequal distances. High above my head they laid as with my feet, they were tightly laying down and separate below me. Which of course before hand, a large fluffy rabbit furred blanket was laid out over the stone table. Then I had got atop, it was so charming, almost forgotten such a thing even happened. Or could of really been my imagination?

Anyhow, Slowly struggling a bit, a blindfold over my eyes. Latex, pink colored, was completely unable to see any of his advances upon me. Then there had been subtle bristles dipping onto my inner thighs. Working their way up to my lower lips. The arousing sensation was just to much, when I knew what was to come soon. Didn't help he was teasing me, chuckling even. While I only struggled more and more.

His hands and brush of hairs found their way over me. Onto my lower lips flaps, consciously swept yet only dripped in suspense. Utterly my moans grew, with the imagination exploding. My heart pumped so hesitantly, just waiting for his sudden spike into me. Oh, why did he tease me so, just wanted to climax again. His dancing fingers, if not feet, turned my belly button into a fire of summoning. He only played, while I created a stream between those lower lips of mine. They puffed up, growing with each passionate touch. Then he stopped, as I tried to prepare for his sudden penetration. Raising myself, helplessly, being held down by the ropes.

Woosh! The entire brush of tickling hairs found themselves within me. Suddenly, being thrusted back and forth upon my lower lips inner walls. I couldn't help but moan, sensationally louder with very seconds. I orgasmed, but he continued. Using more and more force, spinning its bristles within. My moans became utter screams of passionate pleasure. Jumping all throughout my being. After a few more explosive climaxes of absolute fulfillment. He commented on me becoming a bit limp later on, while he only grew harder.

Which yeah, we just curled up in the blanket upon the stone table after the play. I could barely speak with him. This day, the most playful of them all, exhausted I had been. He took the blindfold and ropes off, of course. While my high again ravished me without mercy. The over whelming pleasure, dman, if it could only last forever. To be in his arms, felt like part of me only he could bring out. Then, something else that draws me in even more then moments like this. I love him, but its not love either. I think. Though, there was a bonus to being in his warm arms. Seeing him happy, just blooms me into such cheer. Nearly unbelievable, but I love making him so excited to be with me. As I him, if one of his happy the other perks up. Perhaps that's just my imagination. Though its something I've noticed more then a few times. So it might be real.

We finally did get to talk about the meeting being set back. He understood, knew it was coming no big surprise. He asked if I knew about the experiments that's been going on. Which is why the curt view was enacted. That there is usually never a curt view in quarantines like this. Which I didn't know what a quarantine had been. So I believed every word he spoke. We got cleaned up, dressed, found the warrah and his family returned. I played with them a bit, tried. There was a sudden disturbing noise outside the cave's front entrance. Which Brourge shot up the steps, leaving me behind without a word said. As the warrah's left my company I chased after Brourge. Only to find him missing, a large searchlight over the entrance when I appeared. People told me to stay where I had been. So I did. Their foot steps neared. I couldn't see anything so I stood. Frightened, as a man in a blue police uniform appeared. Holding a handgun to my stomach from his own hip. He looked me over. Then gave a small cry of pain out, before dropping forward to where I moved away from. A small dart was in his backside. I tried to look at it while another voice told me "freeze".

Again I had, nervous, about to be shot. Soon the search light was gone. I heard other things too, before and after in the darkness surrounding me. From people confused to other bodies hitting the dirt. I saw Brourge holding a gun. Silently shooting every police officer there before us. From inside the car. To those stationed elsewhere. They were all passed out. Though at first I wondered why a spotlight would blind me when I could easily see it the dark without a problem? The next had been, is he shooting these people? Which I gave up, once the thought of the people I killed crossed my mind. Considering I was not the women from a few months ago. Now I'm Switch! A Noble, upon Sperack Island with a lovers of power.

Not sure anymore what went through my mind. But I stole the dart from the first officer who approached me. His backside, placing it into my pocket. For reviewing afterwards, which was when I wrote for the night. It was a Government technology based weapon. "Property of the Government, prototype series 17839889", it was a small printed letter upon the darts slim edge. Lucky I didn't poke myself though, might be dead. Even if Brourge did reassure me it to be a mere sleeping dart. That he didn't kill unless necessary. Asking if I felt the same way about violent conflicts, which I nodded in agreement..

We walked to the silo, upon its tippy top. Saw a small flashing red light coming from within the Military Base. I asked what that had been. He stated, it to be the experiments that goes on during the nights. Which is why a curt view is in effect. That it was not meant for the safety of the island. Only the security of the leaders upon this island. Which is supposedly how its always been in the world. Never for the people, only their leaders. When referring to humanity of course. My words of course, he explained to me. Other mysterious moves on his part. Saying, that both the Government and Military supplied hi. Because he sought out humanity as his ally. Not one side or the other, he felt his powers for to secure the peace. Not control the weak to his biddings. Which I nodded in agreement, if only he knew the truth of my desires. I chuckled. He only commented on the fact of such a powerful being would be so heartfelt. I again agreed. It only opinions. I only misinformed him, about my true beliefs. He wanted me to listen and I did just that. Nothing wrong had been done by me.

I transported myself home. His words dissolved, as I sat in my room. Ate my dinner with the family, my mind only wondered what Brourge had been. Why both sides supply him, why would be lie to me, why would say such bullshit like that. It got me infuriated. That I would lie to such a heartfelt man, that was my all insuring lover. That couldn't be replaced. Yet I allowed myself to just use him. He opens me in ways that words could never begin to fully explain. But I doubt him. Why do I love him? And hate him? Despise yet feel obligated to join his cause? Why does he want to save people, commoner's humans? Its completely idiotic!!

All I know for sure, Brourge is only twisting the life out of me that loves him. He has to come clean. No more confusion or vague explanations must must must know what and who Brourge P. truly is.

His last name is so long....couldn't even remember it. Fuck him!

_-April 26, 2137UH

Its felt like the library had been a place of ignorance, or avoidance really. That man, close yet too temping. Can't believe I have even admitted feelings of betrayal of my love. I guess, its, myself. Has just wanted Brourge to prove himself over that rich sick bastard. George, being a slave trader. Kidnapping, separating families without a second thought. Those like myself, without the families we have. Personally I would of committed suicide a long time ago. But no, it was so unforgivable what George does for a living. He has no right to steal people away, claim them to be objects, property. Its sickening, we are people, not just things to be bartered or for pleasure. Yet, Brourge and I found a spot out of George's routine within the library. In fact we went to a private room, so no one would intrude at all. Just us, in warm intimate silence.

From there we spoke to one another without restraint. Just a thoughtful step on his part due to my restrictions on time for our meetings. Seems he really couldn't read my mind enough to know I would be safe. But the glimmer of worry was bright as ever. For him, I mean, if he's caught out during the curtviw. With more of Freak types of units instead of humans. He'll surely be wounded if not killed. On that subject, he's never really told me about his regeneration abilities. As I have them, I've never had a chance. No, at the time, with Brourge. Our time being halved we had to value every second. So that thought had some a bit later on after arriving home from George's helicopter. No more glasses! Yet that's later.

Today, my main train of thought came to the fact of Brourge. Where did he live? I know he travels, but here on the island. He's never told me and I wanted to ask. Yet, even then. It would only mean distrust. To ask of such a thing from my love, or at that had been my feelings. Which again halted me from learning the situations truth. Even though I knew anything could be discussed between us. Without fear of anger or violence. He was just another male, except for no lying. Never has he given me much to distrust. Perhaps vague, even misleading until later on. Besides concealing some information form me. There had been no reason to fear. So why did I freeze up.

Naturally, even in a curtained enclosed box room. Our chairs snuggled up next to one another. His decently clean, yet stained sweater's hood continued to stay up. Though the initial reason for that had been to cover his appearance from a few people. Snuggling had been the closest intimately we felt this day. Oddly enough, after the silence rained for twenty minutes or so. My choppy croaked voice asked him where his real home had been. Then a sudden kiss of our lips, though no more then a slit second. In which I flinched fearing the worse. Upon opening my eyes again, his fist came rushing towards my face. Flinch, his hands ran through my hair so elegantly. He also adjusted my glasses slightly. They must have been off or something. After which, opening to see him pleasantly petting my head. His eyes lined my own. Then I turned my eyes away. Just couldn't look at him. Asking about his home, flinching, lying to him. It was all too much for me to handle. Just plain hopeless.

Brourge ask me, why It mattered. In which I couldn't respond much if at all. How would it change anything? I said nothing, only sat there as he petted me in shame. Though we continued to explore his past, saying he lived on Sperack. Both now and once as a child. Before his family had been taken from him. In which he found a new family elsewhere. That voice, my love's, spoke so passionately. This subject indeed hit him deeply. Of course that had been the beginning. He just started to ramble on about every little detail that happened to him as his family upon Sperack. Ever since the UHEG arrived, hell unleashed itself upon them all. We both began to cry in the other's arms. Until the story itself was no more. It all occurred only twenty years ago, I was about ten myself. I recall when the Mind came walking on the shores of Sperack. Speaking with our island's former leaders. Which they agreed to be allied with the UHEG. However the Mind then went on an agreement by our leaders (some things never change in power) to keep someone from our home. Killing his family as he escaped his wrath. To think, my love, had to personally run from my enemies more influential leaders. The Mind Ten, sole controllers of the UHEG. I believed every word.

He then added, after the crying stopped. Wiping each others tears away. That we need to keep communication open with one another at all times. If we wish to love one another, no hiding allowed. It could destroy us both. Instead of bonding use even closer then before. Only if the courage from before could visit again. Because, he's not replied to my letter I sent him over a week ago. Now that I think of it, that's not helped my view upon him in the least. Even when I would ask, he'd come up with some reasoning that'll put me at ease. At least I understand why he hates living or even meeting on Sperack. If my family had been slaughtered, it wouldn't be so cheerful for me neither. I understood, finally. Things were making much more sense now.

He admitted to living at the cave from the days we've been meeting up. It was the only place that he has been at peace with. If he had to stay on the island, he meant. From which I felt enough tears and tragedy was founded this day. No more of that. From which he spoke of relationships, what they were. To us, what they meant and were used for. Great subject change overall. Got my mind off things. Anyhow, apparently what a relationship is. The temporary exchange between two organisms, that desire the other's value. Of course vague, bit the underlining foundation to understanding why a relationship forms. Utter reality of the situation. Nice to know things like that, makes things a bit simpler. Feed out all the bullshit between people. Or things, whatever. From, mid day we left each other in peace.

He teleported elsewhere, I walked out. No one seemed to notice Brourge not by my side. Guess he must of cloaked himself. Though I wondered why he had such an odd downward vibe to him his day. Did he know things that I'm more then aware of. Perhaps wishing for me to correct them? No way, possible, but its nonsense. He tells me everything, he wouldn't hide it from me. If he knew about George.

Speak of which, I went and called George to pick me up from the library. So there I soaked in the sun upon my exposed skin. It felt so wondrous, but why things always have to come to an end. It was completely silent. I couldn't hear or feel anything, even the sun's light. Was just a simple image. People didn't even react to my odd behavior. As I began to freak out. Then in the shadows of a near by alley way. Two dark gleaming red eyes. Spoke to me, popped out from everything else that was happening. I froze in place. Terrified. This was the creature from long ago. My sense only shivered its choppy screams for help.

If someone, or something, that darkness hide its dark body. Even if I saw its tail moving behind its peering self. I couldn't blink, I only felt like both dying if not crying. Believe I lost control of my bladder, staining myself slightly. It it was beyond anything ever witnessed. This was something that frightened Brourge, only a fool would be otherwise toward it. Beginning to shake, I closed my eyes. To find it had been just a nightmare. George was upon the sidewalk, the one who shook me out of the delusion. I couldn't help but look at the empty dark alleyway from which my stalking beast once stood. It was no dream, found my wetted panties, as with my sense still shivering. Everyone gave me such looks. Which I ignored, George seemed spooked himself as I tried to regain consciousness. We finally found ourselves in his shinning beauty of a car. The relaxed feeling on his car seat, hearing the engine and everything else. The annoying and casual, gave me a sense of relief.

Breathing deeply in and out. I saw that my glasses were gone with blurred vision, I couldn't see. Seems I dropped them out on the sidewalk. George was about to hand them back to me anyhow. Supposedly he was waiting for how long it would take to see if I noticed anything amiss. Bastard playing those sort of tricks. We both shared quite the laughter, then he began talking about getting that fixed. Did I ever think about that sort of thing was even possible. I nodded as in the middle mirror upon the car's ceiling. I saw that creature. His large narrow reptile sort of looking head popped out of the alleyway. No one else noticed, its long neck extending. Its scales were so dark, pitch black. Yet its red eyes continued to gleam as it winked at me before descending back into the darkness. From which he came, my shivers worsened in the car. I shook, literally inside and out. George took notice saying, calmly. With his hand over my own. That he knew just the thing to cheer me out of those willies.

We found ourselves in a helicopter. The next thing I knew, a blindfold had been placed upon me. George's arm was around me. Holding me tight, I was both scared and yet in suspense. As he continued to talk about one of the best professionals he knew in the medical and science field. Nawl Nalll, had been the man's name. it was the largest hospital I ever felt, hear of, so many people. Yet comfortably clam atmosphere.

I had been able to take off my blindfold only once in a room with this man, Nawl. Doctor, he preferred to be known as, label wise. We did some tests, which were odd, but he sated. If I wanted to lose those glasses one day. Have the naturally fitting eye again, all I had to do was ask.

Nawl, had been about my height. Chubby, no wrinkles upon his face or body. Yet around my age, in his thirties, tan skin. About as dark as anyone else found on Brourge, yet not like George's shade. Russian too, so apparently not far off from the tribes that once spoke in such tongues. His accent was all too familiar. Large chubby face, with dotted dark blue eyes. Which followed his clean shinning brown hair.

One thing led to another, and the operation had been more then successful. At first his touches of inspection then later incision were very frightful. Though, calm after some time. Less then an hour. I could see, no need for my glasses anymore. Yet I kept them for appearances sake with the family as with Brourge. The sighing of the reptile still lingered in my mind. But I successfully had adverted myself into a cheerful state of being. Blocking it all out with fun, along side George. Just sight seeing with him, distracted my mind of the events that might befall me at any moment. One thing led to another. I found we were on a completely different island then Sperck. Much larger to. Even marveled at the helicopter we used to get here. Soon the blindfold was on. He stated, the sun light could cause damage if not careful. Whatever he said, I followed. Soon the chopper was off. We were back home. After some talking, I walked (teleported home) from George's apartment building. Never even having to enter his apartment, found the day to be enough.

I ate alone in the night, my family was a bit worried. So I joined them anyhow in watching the Minformation. A show about some actiony movie was displayed. Guns, violence, I couldn't help but smile. My blood was already pumping. Then news of the Island Community Leader's funerals and replacements would be held tomorrow. But the same feeling came in, that was etched in my being since seeing it again. That hideous reptile stalker of mine. Just dazzled me in fear all day, even in my dreams. By the way, only my drunk sister noticed my glasses were on. But didn't need to be, I asked how she knew. Said being the older sis, knew more then I could ever had known. Luckily only we were up in the night. Hadn't wanted my mother to know, perhaps cause more worry and stress.

_-April 27, 2137UH

An announcement this morning gave way to the understanding of every being present at the funeral held this afternoon. It was very important for every one to be present. In honor of the former leaders then for the honor in those to be sworn into office. Oddly enough, never been to a funeral, apparently it must of only been reserved for the Nobles. No commoner's allowed, wonder why only the Noble persons get such treatment, when the rest of us do not. More bullshit, on the rise, in Brourge's book on history. Concerning funerals, burials, seems the in past. It was a ritual to convey respect after death to those who were dead. Though different cultures had manipulated their own beliefs into the population. They never the less continued till the UHEG took power. Sickening world, what if the only way to be granted access to the afterlife. One had to be buried, instead of cut on in the laboratory somewhere. Used in experiments till your body parts are completely diminished. In the end, I feel to be valuable for everyone. Taking up space when you died, is so selfish. Besides the UHEG eliminated all graveyards. Not like it mattered anymore. Everyone was already screwed even if they had a formal ritual burial.

Of course that book dealt with just the history of humanity. The first book Brourge gave me, but in the latest one. Which I have found difficulty in sitting down to read. "Individuality and Value", very insightful, into other cultures. But overall disproving many myths, lies, and bringing forth. Again, the reality of life from which we all live. How to obtain value, hold it, draw people to you instead of the other way around. How, that if one is an individual, they will be irreplaceable to their community and society. Which was circulated into the mathematical system of value. But I went to the burning body, and spreading ashes into the ocean from the bridge. Odd ritual, luckily no boats were going by from the harbors on the island. They must of held them off for the time being, would have been funny to see. Our former leaders upon Sperack, just be carried off in their spiritual ash forms by some passing boats. Actually thought of that, while at the funeral itself. So I tried to keep in the laughter. Regardless of respect, I hated this fucking bastards. They sent my friends and family against me. So they can be eaten by some animal for all I care.

I did keep a very watchful eye out for both George, my teacher, Brourge, that reptile, anyone really. But no one showed or appeared. However, I found their little attitudes, the people who were loyal to our former leaders. Found their stress reliever. Since I wasn't around my family, in the search for my friends or close persons. They all harassed me, kids, parents, men, women, young, old. About my skin, just whispered things. We were all sort of crowded. I couldn't escape their holdings. I didn't want to, if I changed before them. The killing of the entire island community itself, was not my daily goal to achieve. Ever, cause that would have to include my family too. So, I bared these fuckers, though I found something that did work. I was able to block their voices out. Completely, I just saw their angry faces and mouths moving. Though, had to play their, I was about to commit suicide because of their hateful words, sort of game. Had to seem terrified, scared, at their yelling faces of hate. My god, I hadn't have another time in my life where I had to stop from laughing out loud. Or push some of the people off into the ocean before the bridge.

At least the funeral lasted only two hours. Though I didn't go off to see anyone. Just walked about. Enjoying the warm sunny day the Lighthouse staff presented us by using the Leaf Pedal. Honestly, I wonder what that looked like. How did it work? Oh, it must be beautiful. Then upon walking all around the island. As with transporting, I found my thoughts driving toward Brourge, the Civil War, and George. The reptile thing as with other stalkers, if there were any that is. They were nothing of my concern. Only small annoying neturals. I needed to deal with the tasks at hand.

The day ended with focusing my aura, reading Brourge's book to the end, excising, thinking of life, and masturbating with Brouge and George in mind. This time, both together. My mind just marveled at the sensational feeling that could be expressed through them both.

For once a happy day.

_-Festival-_

Indeed this was the last day of the month for April. We were in store for a festival in the name of the Iron Moth. In the arena, just as before. The new leaders of Sperack Island, partied hard at the festival. Since they were sworn in on the 27th. Must have been everyone's way of forgetting the past and welcoming the new. Fucking drunks, hiding from reality, then beating down one someone like me for living life. Bastards. Well, leaning up against a well, upon the 2nd floor of the arena. Minding my own business, some little drinking fools found it amusing to insult me. Harassing me for my skin, race, no male partner then trying to be my partner, touching me sexually. Even if I did want it, both women and men, by the way. Which was lovely, to be so popular underground. I then did a few moves, nothing hurtful to their dizzy selves. I had to escape their little raping, molesting, without hurting or liking them. Too many watching for any of that, they could easily turn me in. I, being a female, could be partner off or killed. Either one had been worse then the last.

Using my abilities, I firstly made a leap to the first floor. Went into a restroom. Then disappeared, became invisible tot their eyes. They caught up, easily. Apparently the question of someone being able to jump so far down. Without breaking any bones never crossed their minds. So, I played a game. Since I made myself leave the restroom, visually then. Everyone saw me, I walked back unseen. Hiding from their eyes, my foolish drunk molesters found themselves looking for me. Still, so I want up behind one of the guys, bashed him across the face. Then when one of his other male buddies came to see the ruckus. I did something new. Transferred my face onto this buddies body. At first, didn't know it it worked or not. His friend was shaking his head. But then slugged him in the jaw. So it must have been a success. Soon I got the girls fighting one another as well. Same trick, hit, delusion, then watch the fighting. Of course locking the room to, so no one would interrupt. Or leave. When my laughter came out loud, couldn't keep it to a bare chuckle. Just too dam funny of a scene.

They later came to, a person walked in, or several security. Finding their drunk asses accusing me. Yet I was no where to be found. They were all detained for he night. I teleported home. Finding my family decided to be home early as well. I had dinner with them. As with a show, they explained that the Sperack Island Community has failed them. That it wouldn't be right without father there, to enjoy the moment together. In which our minds were utterly dwelling into the worry. Great bonding of the family indeed.

***

CHAPTER 5 MAY

_-May 4, 2137UH

Exam day, what waste of time. Found it to be most annoying, with only my bracelet of Brourge's love. Jingling slightly, under a whisper, in the widow outside. Upon the green grass, in the bushes, blooming, the reptile had been clearly visible. Only adjusting myself in the seat, trying not to feel it. As it continued without rest, starting with those red eyes gleaming. Yet focusing on the bracelet, I found myself pondering hate and yet to be. The fond memories blooming from my past, linking events for an understanding. Finally, when the class ended. Got hugged if not molested intensely by one of the staff of the Military Academy. Their name was of course, George Ganst, then suddenly went our separate ways. When the sighting of Brourge. In his rusty car came wheeling up upon the road. Getting in him with, I was not even worried about that reptile. What really got me through the rough and worse times this day. Had been the voice email on my phone. Got it this morning. My father had been cured of the cancerous garbage. So yeah, in a miracle, fear morphed into excitement.

Telling Brourge, we stopped by my former teacher's places. Since he was not at school. I though something must of happened. His wife and a few of their children helped my father into car. While accompanying dad, in the back seat of the vehicle. My lover drove us to my home. I found he was still a bit drowsy still. Though his wounds were no longer visible, I feared the worse. However, the overexcitement to see he had been alright and still breathing was more then any relief I could of asked for. As for my teacher, didn't have time to ask those of his family who helped my father into the car. Nope, just attended to dad, nothing else. Idiotic moments of mine, though Brourge was fond to hear and see me. Witnessing my happiness in the situation. Before I knew it, we were in front of my house. A few beeps, by the horn in his car. My family zoomed out front to find the source. Both Brourge and I were lugging father from the car and down the sidewalk. Upon reaching the door of my home. My entire family came on out, to greet us. My mother talked with me, hastily. As both my sister and brother took father into the house. Brourge then back back out to the car.

The look expressed over us all, together, at the surprise. I did find it a bit troublesome, to find reluctance in their eyes towards both me and Brourge. Soon my mother left after a hug between us. She as with my sis and brother found such enjoyment in father being back home. Just as what I had been looking to feel. What the incredible high sensation flowing within me. I could of stayed, should of, but Brourge shouted to me. In following him. So, this day. Brourge and I found ourselves on another wacky adventure. No one following us, without guns, killings, or anything along those lines. Just him and I, heading to an obscure destination. Though, there was a disturbance. Surely, the coughing around the island has calmed. Then again, people have also left with that annoying cough. The very same that nearly took my father's life, which incidentally, did kill so many other fathers. In the same breeze that it arrived, it was gone. The surrounding houses in the residence near my own. Most were vacant, people just disappeared. As with others moving in, strangers moving into homes where families grew for generations. It wasn't right. I know they attacked me, in fear of similar punishment that hung around my neck. But I still believed in the Military. Even when my knowledge and faith into such a thing is lacking. For the unknown purpose, being there for another in their cause. I have not a clue in what it could be, why the Military exists from there to now. Nor its goals, who their leaders are. Which would be my superiors. If I were in their actual ranks, like my teachers and his family. However, I have only the Iron Moth. That, has shown nothing, Brourge is not from our Lord. Like so many other religions, just a fantasy world to believe in as to go on living for another day. No, I'll find my own way...no more incompetence from beings of beyond. Only reality, Brourge was right after all. There is no God, only your chosen.

Plenty reasons I found to prove there is no God, but onto the more memorable aspect of my day with Brourge. Riding along in his car, just us. Ourselves leaving the road, skipping over the sprouting plants. Heading into the fields on the opposite side of where the bar had been of my lover's family.

I stayed silent looking upon the presently coordinately planted fields. Perfect rows and columns, they were sprouting in. Its natural beauty won me over. Magnificently done, even more, the tires upon the car didn't bother the field in the least. I later learned, the plants were actually crystals. They couldn't be hurt by mere physical force. We discussed the reason they looked like that of the typical plant in any farmer's domain. Which he agreed, so yeah, he was also a farmer. Surprise urprise, yet they were known as metral. The same material used at the power plant and eaten daily for minerals. So a bizarre disgust came over me in that thought, yet they disguised themselves from the normal eye of all organisms. As to not be confused with anything else, only those processing abilities to see. Are also able to both find and use the metral efficiently. Both the Government as with the Military is supplied by him. At least he didn't take sides.

Thinking about it, how his forbidden history book told about the how the shortage of food to the sky rocketing population. Minerals for a functioning brain of humanity was estimated to fall and die. Slowly would diminish humanity overall, in the chaos that would occur during the state of withdrawal from the population's energy source. He also winked at me, saying a few special odds and ends were possible to use for relief. Which I didn't fully understated so he showed me.

We parked in a small cavern in the mountains on the outskirts of the field. Nice to know the sun was shining steadily. Presenting us lighting in the dark cavern. He reassured me there was nothing mystical in that particular dark hole in the earth. Which had been the truth. We got out of the car, walked to its back end. He then showed me our little wink meant. Reaching into his ragged pants pocket. He pulled out similar plant material. Using both palms. Crushed it into a fine powder, with one breath of air. Blew into the sun beamed lightening. It sparkled such a pattern of aligning stars. Its shaped both a moon, as with a lobster. It was bizarre, yet intriguing excitement. The adventure began.

When I looked, Brourge was atop of the vehicle's roof. As I asked him what he had been doing. He only sat there, eyes closed, looking up, grinning. What did he know that I didn't?

Wham!!! I fell upon the ground, with one sudden hit. Something that forced itself atop over me, I didn't stand a chance. I tried to fight, struggle its grasp, whatever it had been. Panicking, as the feeling intensified. As if tons of metal found their way over me. Again and again and again, however it wasn't simple. This metal, liquated instead of being stacked on. Bizarrely enough, no pain had been noticeable. Only the intense pressure building, heavier and heavier it became. Expanding its reach over my entire being. Not only the upper portion, yet everywhere around me. As if water, filling up, myself destined to drown. But within my head, wow. High exploding high, as if the crystals were diving into and out of me. Through me, yet leaving no trace. The feeling of an magnetic pull followed. As it continued on, he too had been going through a similar sensational experience. Finally, the suddenness returned to me, the feeling vanished within an instant. I got up from the ground, huffing and puffing. Climbing up into the car's end to where Brourge had been. Dizzy, double vision, I fell off. Hitting the ground hard, yet no pain.

He began to laugh out loud, muttering something. Saying, this was the drug of today. Which I couldn't believe I did taboo narcotics. Fucking awesome, I thought. Laughing with him, saying out loud. That I nearly caught a heart attack, that I could also beat the hell out of him. When I got the feeling back into my being. Then the white bear appeared, it talked to me. Saying stuff like, did I enjoy the magical fruit of the land. Weird damn accent. At first, I had been alight with it. Talking animals, in that particular cave behind the bar. It was logically comprehendible. But we were in a normal cavern in some mountain in the island's center. There were no talking white polar bears. He was surly tall too, nearing giving me a heart attack again. Since I bumped my head against the car. Scuttling away like a scared rabbit.

Then Brourge jumps down, before me and in front of the large. Red eyed polar bear, who walked about upon his hind legs. Making him even taller then before. Those light red eyes, spoke of the repilte fellow that stalked me before. So I freaked out a bit more then usual. Dirtying my clothes, which I hated. Getting up, I kicked in the air. Hitting the cave wall. Hurting my foot, greatly. As I stood in mere pain, my love the bear spoke in another language. Exchanging pleasantries. Bastards, playing such horrible jokes on me. Speaking of which my dagger had been flying about, only a bit higher then my reach. Did my other side know something I didn't? Hell with them too.

They then started to change forms, between human and soul. Brourge gave some of the mineral stuff from his pocket to the bear. As the white thing went running off into the pitch black cavern. Which I was unable to peer into, even with my abilities. Which he later informed me, the bear. Protected the farm land from treats. Thus lived in the cave at all times, surviving off the pure metral.

He opened the back compartment of the vehicle. Pulling out a dark colored bottle. With two cups, made of glass I think. We opened the bottle, as the contents were flowed into the cups. Which we drank from, it had such a sour taste. He later commented it on being alcohol. Saying this was a luxury of the Nobility in the Government. Laughing about it, as he put the bottle away. Taking my glass as well, placing them all into the truck. Closing it behind us, the taste still occupied me. Horrible alcohol had been, always will be in my mind. A horrible waste. How can my older sis hold that shit down?

After that I only recall being with Brourge, upon the cold top of his car. Clothed of course, then I just got woozy. Trying to helplessly to move, uncontrollably began to move with seizure type of twitching. Which continued for a while, I felt myself not being there, my body might have been yet nothing felt. As if being everywhere else, swimming in the gravel, waking up, and again falling asleep. While waking up in the dark with fuzzy and shiny indescribable things moving all about, some shaped themselves to my own image. Others began to talk with one other, laughing, whispering. All the while a miniature city was appearing in my image before us. created and showing a culture growing before my very eyes, such diversity began to rise.

Brourge had just began a conversations with me, we were seated in his vehicle. Which followed bottle after bottle of alcohol consumed, the island's city was seen from a window view. My stalkers watching and flying from above us , my family together, my dagger swimming, a mysterious younger women licked me several times. George with his crew were climbing around underground, from bar as I saw them through the clear glass plated ground from which we rode the vehicle over. Weird hallucinations, which I awoke from. Getting off of Brourge's car a block away from my own street. I was not conscious active. Moving about, just didn't seem real anymore.

We waved to one another. But I walked over to the Iron Moth statue. Saying how pathetic it had been, manipulating me into a lie all these years. After which I enjoy the rest of the day with my family. As we welcome father home. He was walking about, talking normally, everything was back to normal in our household.

Though in the night I couldn't allow myself to fall behind. So I focused my aura again, concentrating for hours upon hours on end. As with reading a letter, from Brourge. Finally, he sent it along. I love him, and the life he's allowed me to bloom in. I'll need to ask if the hallucinations were really part of the drugs he gave me. Surprisingly, always such a wonderful surprise. I tinkered with the bracelet of Brourge all night afterwards. Just thinking what will happen next, between he and I.

_-May 5, 2137UH

This recollection of the 5th will be written upon the 6th. Which happen to be this early morning, awakening at George's apartment. No one seems to be awake at this earlier hour in the morning. Still pitch black outside, lucky I had brought my diary with. Seems I had been right, at least that sense of mine. To bring my journal entry log along. Seems the events of the 5th were a bit much for me to handle. So I continued to stay in the company of George Ganst. As with his four lovely serving slaves.

Anyhow, about the 5th. What all happened. That logical sense dictates to do something that might distress us. A what it might mean to others in our lives. Which had been to stay overnight with the man wearing the bizarrely crafted wrist watch. George, which hadn't been as it sounds. A lovely time, just I'm fearful. For my non logical sense says this man will cause me great pain and longing torment. So, being sold in the slave trade kind of fit's the picture that for longing agony depicted. I guess, just after the lights go out, have only been with them once. And all they need would be one opportunity to take me. Perhaps just being paranoid, may have been the cause. So nothings changed. Anyhow, onto the 5th. The Sickle Sport Trountdown, occurring that particular day. Or this day. Lonely, described most of the game. The Government and Military teams on the opposing academies sort of rivalry. Just a boring morning, same old shit. With my annoying dagger flying around me the entire time. Yet, didn't count it as company. Just temptation.

The thoughts of both Jenny and Broruge swam through my mind. None the less, were they here. Watching? What about George. That's all I could think about, as with the larger then average crowd this day. Seems even more people have been getting involved with the spirit of competition. Take their minds off the Civil War ravaging their world, from which I used to live with them. Foolish commoners and Nobles alike. No matter what they might ascend to becoming, they would be simple pesty humans. In the end, as I would be greater then any of them. Being a Freak, yet they deserve to be caught in the crossfire of this Civil War. Taking out their anger and frication upon a lonely women in their world. Trying to be with them, always, yet beaten down daily. Ridiculed for imperfections, humiliated for her race, hated and envied for what she was always destined to be. I should be thanked for not taking out my wraith upon them. For their past behaviors, to their future Queen. Yeah, I thought a lot about the world.

The reason, more upsetting and hate evoking prejudice. Training the less experienced people, what a bunch of shit. Just aiming at those who are different. Bastards, cause I know there are no new teammates. Only the weaklings. Who, by the way, lost us the game today. Fucking disappointing, yet amusing. Don't think I even played the entire time. Couldn't keep track, my memory was just so precise. Didn't matter either way.

Taking the advise from Brourge, I just investigated the surroundings of mine. Thus met with George. No Brourge, nor did I find him in the crowds. I still miss Jenny, dearly, even if she might be with my love. Hand in hand. Anyhow, that dagger of mine. Followed me hastily like a fly. Which caused a problem. I was annoyed, while we hung out. There is where the problem lied. It disturbed most of our evening.

As we rode around in his car, upon the island. Just sight seeing, my idea of course. We stopped by at the Shenn Que Corporation Estate. Did some partying, dancing, using some expensive tinker toys of money. Yet the annoying stressful delusion appeared without mercy. So George was always unsure in what he had been doing. I feel I might of caused him to feel completely uncomfortable around me. Yet that is until, he got drunk later one. Half way through him driving us about, he started form the bottle. Luckily the car had a cool little autopilot. It was a great day, from beginning to end. Except for the little dagger flying about.

Damn, never thought the early morning would be so. Abstract, thought only, can't even concentrate. Yet I have to get this down, to feel fulfilled. Yeah....

Anyhow, as my friend, in the dark night. George's car parked itself outside his apartment building. As his servants helped him from the car and into the apartment. I heard, felt, sensed something odd upon the streets. My curious side, went searching, as my dagger continued to fly about. I wanted to use it, release some of that built up aggressiveness. So in proceeding these odd feelings. I found myself in the middle of the street. In the intersection, middle. In seconds, there were more then three police cars around me. The people just appeared from the dark. Handcuffed me, placed a bag over my head. Before I knew it, I'd already been thrown into the back of one police cars. I felt the powers of them, pushing me down. Helplessly, laying in the backseat of the police car. Then my newest adventure, George, indeed dunk. With the slaves of his own. Came out, shouting at these police people.

I don't recall much, but one thing led to another. And it turned out that they were under the control of the Government bastards. Worse, the Freaks were under the command of the human led organizations. I was released from their captive custody. I'd been so messed up, I stayed with George all night. Thus why, I've been at this particular apartment all night.

Next thing that came along, besides the delightful night with people who son became friend of mine. As for George himself in his drunken state. Which his tolerance must have been high, he held many conversations. In his private bedroom. With the door shut. Next aspect that came along, the discussion of followers and leaders. My friend, and I, got naked. Slowly but surely. He begged me to dominate him, take full control, be his leader. It was beyond fun, I fell unconscious while rolling atop of his chest. Which I wonder, did I have sex. Or pass out with him, upon his bed, naked?

The greater question would have to be about this whole being a follower of a partner. Yet being the leader for another, of course its only sexually, intimately aroused the roles of authority in play. Which I still don't understand. Brourge never mentioned people could be both? That I could enjoy both being a follower and yet leader in the bedroom. Intimately, both taking control and giving it away. New things learned everyday. On my own, this time around. No leading mentors, holding my hand.

Not to mention, finding out the leader of one of the most known. UHEG dependable corporations found it absolutely arousing to have me be his leader while in the bedroom. Take his power away, make him helpless as a child in the palm of my hand. Fucking hilarious, someone so great is a little wimpy thing.

What's also notable, is why I enjoy being in power. Because with Brourge, we tried that. It didn't really work out. It felt so sickening, bizarre, and odd. Why the change in my behavior?

_-May 6, 2137UH

So on with this days little writing, from the depths of punishing earth. I found myself sleeping upon the floor of that bed. Far away from George, didn't need him getting any ideas. Even though we were both obviously clothed. It made the entire situation less temping. If he did seek it, that is. He was a Noble human after all. Sells and buys slaves for gods sake. What am I to think? I know about history, slavery was wildly huge before the UHEG was established. Then it became a foundation block in society of corporate growth. Still, how can I agree to such mistreatment of people. Being recognized as property. Objects, not even humanly cared for. Just makes me speechless thinking about it being consider normal.

A average job carried out, I assume those two darkly shaded people. The men, I had no choice in killing too escape their grasp. At George's very own apartment building, this very place that my hands got soaked in blood. Yet they were going to sell me, into that very slave trade more or less. In fact, it might have been my friend himself, this George. I rather not even consider that being the case. Though its highly possible, since hes been getting closer and closer to me. It might have been his plan from the beginning. Enslaving a lonely Freak like me. Its possible, though he seems to have a heart. Though still a bit sure, I mean my sense mingles elsewhere so often. Don't know what or even how too think about George Ganst anymore.

Yet he's still very variable, my plans will require his assistance. So here he stays, for good. Or until his usefulness comes to an end, whichever comes first. Anyhow, I left a personal oral message with one of George's slaves at the apartment while he was in the restroom. Showering as it were. I slipped off to see Brourge. Tell him of the urgency, that I had almost been kidnapped. Hoping for some sex, it would had been a wonderful relief. I was extra conscious then ever before. Since they were Freaks. Wouldn't have taken much to capture me. The sudden thought of my power being exposed to others might give away my position at that time they were still following. Which had been my initial reason for using the bus. Not to mention of George's slaves showed me to the door and everything. That man, what's his name. Like it mattered, nothing more then insect of humanity. The very same male slave who the message was to be relayed through. Later in the day, which must of occurred.

Luckily, the bus ride hadn't been much trouble in and of itself. Quickly, from the city to the bar. Not many got on the bus nor off. It had been nice, the time flew by. Just the thought about how to convey the immediate problem last night. That's if he didn't know already. The subtle feeling of Brourge's bracelet gave me such thoughts while getting off the bus. In front of the bar, I'd been struck of hollowing guilt for my deceiving action. Worse being urgefully horny then, even now, in my bedroom it stings. Which I'll be stretching that tolerance through some pain explicated fantasies. As I aroused myself in the parking lot of the bar earlier this morning. Thinking about a revengeful rape carried out by Brourge. Knowing I found others as intimately pleasurable. Would be beat me? Force me? Tease me daily? Ohh, even the sensational imagining alone would be so fulfilling. Having his arms forcing me down into the dirt, an object of the unknown shoved in behind me, a muffled screaming mouth through his hand if not hardened member. All at his disposal, his mercy would be my only hope. In the end, I would only be kneeling, at his feet. Begging for his cock, can't really even recall the last time we had sex if ever. That's right, we never did, though doesn't mean the feeling can't be replicated.

When walking through the empty, parking lot, I found a gate was somehow placed around the borders of the gravel parking lot. My aroused self, thought, it was going to happen. So, I ended up dripping while walking into that bar, empty. Dark, no lighting to speak of. I felt nothing, I called out Brourge's name. Even calling for the bartender or waitress. Naturally, not recalling their names, their recited positions were fair enough. Walking a bit further, with the ability to see in the darkness. Helped loads, so there I wondered forward. Up the bar itself, nothing was set up. All the chairs were evenly placed atop over the tables. Soon, something clamped its hand over my mouth. Its arms found themselves over me, significantly enough to restrain any movement I considered. Of course, I saw it, finally. Brourge would make me his filthy cheating whore, blushing strong. A stream between my thighs, dripping down at the imagery alone. Sadly none came too pass.

The voice of Brourge came forth, yet not from the thing that held me securely. As I helplessly struggled their grasp. Nothing could of prepared me for this day with Brourge. He was a completely different man. His voice, sour almost, as if swallowing acid. Followed by tears, I wasn't able to turn about to see him. Though, he continued to speak aloud. Soon a single light turned on, with the sound of a drinking glass firmly echoily placed upon the bar table. With the squeaky seat spinning, never did I know how much noise such things could make. Till then while amazed, but still frightened. Growing impatient. Even convinced it hadn't been my loving man. Until finally witnessing his face, personally. Along side the creepy environment fitting faces mystical thing that once held me from moving about. It was lifeless, my sense didn't know what to feel. Like myself, when I got a look at that fucking thing. That listened to Brourge by voice, it had been a new age solider. Its supposedly been used since the years of the Civil War. Back before the U.H. centenary came grasping humanity by our throats.

Free at last, Brourge approached me as the featureless soldier, just rhythmically stomped its way off into the dark. While my love and I stayed together, barely illuminated by the overhead bulb that showered over his placemat at the bar only moments earlier. Strangely enough, it never did occur to me too use my ability into revealing such unknown spaces of familiar sorts. Instead, we spent the time alone. Well, might as been just that. Brourge had a describe less soreness, worse it had been within from which I could do nothing. There was truly never a time like this I've ever felt so helpless and horrible. I'm sure that made him even better since his prefect viewing most certainly picked it up from within me. God Damn, why this, why him, why us, why now! Yet the most diminishing aspect would be the fact of our usual conversation, play, learning, comfort lifting activities that defined my imagination. Nope, he only spewed depression and suffering mumbled despair. Don't even know the cause....fuck, just thinking about it....is despair bringing.

However, for memories sake and too feel at peace I must write down such misfortunes....

Firstly, I blacked out while Brourge approached me. Woke up in the back storage room of the bar, fond memories washed over me. Its where he opened me up in the few first months we were together upon exploration itself. Soon we found ourselves up in the second floor, upon a bed in the same room from which we escaped the police raid. Though I attempted too bring out his exciting side, it failed with being ignored or just pushed away. He might as well have, secondly, his mumbling wouldn't stop. One thing after another it was beyond annoying. Talking about a lost father and something called....Eposoghr, whatever that had been. He told me again every time, about it. How it was lost, all a waste, that thing would no longer be the same. Spores and plantations, blah blah blah. In the end, my morning was spent in darkness even as the sun rose far above. At least I'd been there for Brourge, the only good thing I found too had happened between us back then. That had been positive in a sense.

Though there had been something funny, he asked that I keep up with our mail letters we're passing back and forth. Which I could of yelled, yet held it in tightly. But the purpose would certainly bring up questions of many. Why would he ask me something I thought he'd been the one having trouble with it, considering hes so busy. Its understandable, yet I always sent my straight away, unless someone's caught on. Maybe the Government or Military people, though its unlikely.

As the day came and went, the contentious thought of bring up George being part of my life. Filled with me such guilty weakness, in my ability of being unable. Then again, Brourge in that state was unpredictable. It had been better too be withheld till another time. Yet betraying him for so long, he might kill me. Not sure anymore. Still, he and I departed without a hug or kiss, no touches or pleasure. Just wasted time, healing him. Nothing too do with me, selfish bastard.

I can't believe at that time and even now the feeling it was me who caused him such pain and misery. That was his own fault though, still, how can I convince my heart before mind. Everything is fine though, this is just a phase Brourge is happening upon, nothing more. C'mon though, everyone has their good and bad days. If they didn't they'd be so neutral that emotions wouldn't exist or something strange like that, not ever sure what I'm rambling on about anymore. But I know something deep down inside me is to blame myself for all that happened to Brourge.

Curse relationships and the sociality I live in, for I feel it's the nurturing of being a female that causes these emotions of self blame, because clearly the women takes care of the man and makes absolutely sure that they are in tip top condition. Feel proud that their man is so successful then they are able to support their woman, at least this is who I see and have calculated why I feel in such a manner as this. As my sister says and has personally shown me this is the reality we are part of.

_-May 11, 2137UH

What a damn week, the 9th had been the worst though. Found more people pointing out my obvious race and pale skin in a horrible way. Which then the whole coughing blood up came into view, god must have been on my side for that too happen in my witness of the very same people who taunted me about the features I carry. In fact walking away from those people in the street, most likely Sperack Island community decision sympathizers. Thought of killing or forcing them into my clutches yet the trailing got very boring, they kept stopping places and remaining in the public eye. Seems they all were slickly like so many others, hard too imagine the spreading in a such a contagious manner wouldn't have attracted the attention. That a disease control team from a known world organization, part of the UHEG, too help stop the sickness before it consumes everything. Though whatever, had worse things too worry about, got another black out after a Switch moment. Not sure what actually happened only work up alone and mid stoking of the water. Swimming out to sea.

Anyhow....

I spent this day with Brourge himself, even though the mail he suggested had still been consistent between and so important. Nothings come, so I have refrained from mentioning it throughout the endless hours together. But what does it mean? If he states we at least have the mail for contact, when he stops completely. Perhaps someone else, maybe that other lover I suspect. She might be behind this, perhaps thir toying with me completely. Nothing more then a pawn in some enjoyable heart tampering fun. Seems reasonable, I wouldn't put it past Brourge in doing such a thing. Just kept, even now, my minds ponders without my consent.

However, its something rather not believe or even think about at this time. Yet it keeps seeping into my mind, is it jealously again? Am I losing my mind? Both? Fuck it, the point and fact remains as hes mentioned before. We have one another, lets try and enjoy each others company for the world could end tomorrow. Besides, I love him with all my heart and soul. Nothing could bring me apart, I'd kill them long before it even came up too me being replaced. Hes given up so much from both he's pointed out for me and logically I believe. True, he could be a lying shit, yet everything we've been through what he's shown me. Tought, gave, lectured, done....shared...how could I just be a amusing pawn. Putting in life in jeopardy for us too just spend time with one another just brings my heart arising for his fingertips too dip in. Regardless it's the reason for me dealing with this shit of his. Love, what a horrible yet comfortable thing its reveled to be.

This share evening with an all familiar, hyper Brourge was worth more then the simple smile I wore throughout the day. Though It might have been me, our eyes drug deep into the other's last Monday. He might be so stressed out beneath that giggling funny fleshy covering, yet able too sense how I felt. Thus no mail would be sent if that was the case, at least that's my wish in belief. The role of a female too their male counterparts, their loved one, partners, certainly has turned out too be a stressing one. Sister wasn't wrong, that's for sure. That must have been my time, too show my caringness as his women. Taking the blunt for his many sacrifices. How dare suggest he release himself for me, there would be time later on.

We were in the silo, alone together, before jumping about and just enjoying the scenario of the island before the afternoon came. Which, by that time, we entered the silo. After he closed the door and I sealed it. I asked if I could go check something elsewhere. He seemed a bit surprised, yet as from the beginning of the day his eyes were not concentrating on me. Even though his smile came out too say, "Hello there!".

I don't believe the cold weather and gusty winds helped our mood or atmosphere surrounding us. After he went up stairs I went over into a corner where I found a mirror before last. And undressed. In my mind at the time, I took it upon myself too bring down the barriers that might be killing our relationship. Taking mature steps, in fulfilling something he desired yet denied by myself. Which should bring him out and us together. Broken away from this steadily growing repeating meeting and ending. Which might just end one of these days, in my mind, I wouldn't allow it.

The horrible weather had been the perfect excuse, while I touched up the style I chose. My heavy layers, once removed gave witness to a very erotically arousing image of myself in the mirror. They we're all so thin, showing off my assets beautifully in full perkage. The pink top and bottom, with lacy strings tying them around my beings many limbs. Which furthered quite the impression upon myself and later Broruge. As I knew it would. I practiced little spins and bendings, too see my own outlook for his. Meeting him upstairs only ten minutes later as he laid sprawled out on the bed. And of course his symbol of my dedicated servitude too his teaching and life in general had been pleasantly clearly round my arm. I've had it on for so long, don't think I even notice it anymore. So proud I am serving Brourge, glancing upon it beings back such happy memories.

The floor had been a bit chilly on my bare feet, yet I managed. Witnessing Brouge in his heavy dark shit and pants, sprawled out on the bed, drifting out of reality with a dazed look on the ceiling above. Walking out into the room, prancing about with grabbing some of our toys from the shelf. Which had been a small whip, holding it in my jaws with hand behind my back. Brourge had been about a foot away, and finally took time, detouring from this spaced out phase. His eyes carefully watched my movements, he seemed very surprised. I began blushing, roused, and excited at his witnessing. Feeling him stare at me, while my hips swung about, in dance. Soon, I took the whip out of my mouth, asking if there had been a place for me too sit down. Yet his shock extended, still in a stoop, just laid there. Holding himself up by his elbows and eventually hands. I'd been more then surprised at myself, even my voice had been a little horse with a bright red face. He answered with, the carpet being free and he'd be there in a second too join me.

I rolled my eyes as he put his head back onto the bed again, sighing. Firming holding the small whip in hand, I hit his arm, elbow, and hand till he backed off. Brourge moved so I sat down, our eyes met and his spoke of such shock. As for his leg, I hit his bare foot only once before he moved. Crossing my legs, sitting upon the bed, our eyes still connected, my flourished hair whipping around in the air. I tried not laughing out loud and kept my clam serious face. Compared too his own, jaw dropped, big eyes, and he now seemed very awake and alive.

Brouge apologized, it appeared he was enjoying the little mothering scenario, at least that's what I believed he referred it being. I on the other hand disliked it, but he apparently enjoyed the change, and at least the pace had been shifted out of the usual. I gave in, endured with a second try this day....being the leader.

After he apologized to me for his rude behavior, my nest command had him kneeling on the carpet next to me and rub my feet. Which was pleasurable as he had done so. Still we kept our eyes locked so I couldn't seem like a weaker one by showing a face of pleasure, so I held my cold stare. With my whip I tapped him on his shoulder a few times, he stopped asking what I wanted. With anger, I asked why he stopped and I swacked him across the head a few times while he began to rub my feet again. Then he asked again. I whacked, stating who gave him permission to speak with our eyes unconnected by his head's movement.

With a swift whip of mine tapping the bottom of this chin, he met my gaze again. I told him to stop and search for something that would be used to punish him for his repetitive rudeness, he said yes madam. As he went over to the shelf and searched through our many toys. There was a smirk he left out as he turned away to get such a toy, I smiled as his back was turned towards me, through I was unsure what I was enjoying more, being leader in our session or bringing Brourge out of his little steep. I began to blush even more then I was already. I felt so odd, wanting power now, getting a taste for it.

Before I knew it Brourge was back over on his knees and presented a his chosen toy, I took from his hand a large metal tipped paddle. He bowed and waited silently, your learning quickly I told him, with a smirk appearing. Then I gave the order for him to pull his pants off and bend over on the floor, with his ass up. He did so without hesitation, but his legs were still so close together, so I demanded he split his legs apart as much as I desired. Soon, like a gate, his legs did split far part, finally I was satisfied with the distance. Used the medium sized paddle to measure the distance that he parted, about two paddles wide from his knees, side by side.

Presentable at least, I snorted as I rose from the bed and positioned myself over Brourge as he stayed on all fours, taking the paddle in both hands I stretched to my right side and then swung. Hitting his bare cheeks, he jumped a little forward as it hit a bit higher then I would of hoped. The next swing I lined up my hit, then another swing, which landed on the left cheek. I continued with the other cheek, down the middle, switched up the order. Then he spoke, "767", before I knew what happened next, he leaped up from the floor, pulled his pants up and pinned me down onto the bed with his bare feet and hands.....I didn't stand a chance, it was such a exciting moment......I finally thought, perhaps for me uprising he'd extract his revenge through a rape, or whatever excuse he would care to come up with.

I could see he was a bit in pain from his reddened cheeks upon his bottom, the pants being so stretched while holding me down. Releasing the paddle from my hands, it dropped onto the carpet, Brourge smiled yellow as he released his own grip and we cuddled. Part of me was let down....

"Truly enjoyable Switch, I appreciate what you've done. As I know full well you dislike being leader in our sessions.", his smiling face and pleased self calmed me and I got even comfortable with him on the bed.

"That's what a women is meant for, pleasure and release of their partners, to repay being allowed so much. So it was nothing at all HourGlass, I'm glad I could be of service.", I spoke citing my older sister smiled and played with the curves in his chest as we brought each other closer.

However he said something very disturbing, "Didn't I teach you Switch, there is more to a female as a partner then being some pleasing piece of meat. C'mon on now, when are you going too get that in your head. Your not just another socially constructed baring of children unlike most remain", I nodded and knew full well, but I can't let go what I've been taught since birth. A female must serve a male, that's their main purpose in the relationship if not life itself, the Iron Moth demands it. Too calm the man from overloaded stress and suicide. Through I liked showing that in this case, it would appear that the society had been right about the role of a female partner to their males counterparts. Yet why does Brourge feel otherwise, it still amazes me. Hes always shoving whatever's been imbued into my life right out of me, trying and replacing with his own reasonable logical wisdom. Its always a pleasure, just proves he cares for my well being I'd say.

Brourge got up from the bed and I followed, he put his shirt back on and looked out one of the windows and I followed his steps. Yet was unable to do anything and even stated this too him. He informed me otherwise, not too use my eyes, the other senses were what hd been needed at that time. He left and I tried to see with my senses of my aura. I felt something, then the chilled touch of my coat flew onto my back and I jumped. As he was getting dressed so did I, since he retrieved all my stuff from downstairs. Such a quickster, almost unbelievable actually, the movement he shows off is beyond impressive. I asked him what we were doing, it had been why he used our safe word during place. Because of the days main event, not that his ass was getting sore. Asking me if I wanted to witness proof, that there were divisions in the Government, that there was a Government and Military. With my hesitant response of "sure", he mentioned that we'd be safe and we'd only watch as he knew how I felt about violence. He was half right, I'd been curiously excited mostly. Hes never let me down before with his showings....

The next thoughts that popped into my mind, had been, how we would be safe?

Brourge just as always happens to be full of surprises. We took the same stairs further down into the lower levels of the silo, till underground. Used underground tunnels from there, using a rail handle turntable. Later on, we stopped and jolted up a later into the inner empty space of a bolder on his families bar property. I was so mystified that Brourge busted out laughing, saying such things as how I could be surprised anymore. As it was him after all, which he had a point.

"Here, I know your unable to see much if anything beyond this hollow shell of rock", he said.

" I'll support you with my own aura so we can both witness the meeting of the G and M" , at least thats what he said as his arms found their way placed around me and our faces met snuggling subtly.

A sudden burning sensation rushed within my legs from my back side, imitating water movements into every portion of my being from below. Then the boulder was no longer visible, I just witnessed them, there where six cars stationed in the middle of the field less then a mile away. We weren't so far away through, but with Brourge's guiding hand, our angles of shared sight shifted around these vehicles as they continued running with fumes escaping upwards. Several people, sat inside those cars which happen to have been labeled police property from familiar duplicated insignias. The cars nor uniformed persons were not identifiable by any means.

These people had been heavy armed, yet only sat there, their cars finally turned off then they sat there waiting. Three cars, on both sides of the imaginary line that separated both the groups of G(government) and M(military). We're all facing one another head on. Looking upon each other, mutually reflective. From behind the line of cars on both opposing sides, a single large truck shaped vehicle approached and stopped their engines after hand signals were made and clarified from all three cars. And again, they were relatively similar. Scary actually....

Each of the two groups of cars harbored a total of 19 personal each, they all exited their cars. Mirror reflection style of course, each staring down the other. On the other side of an imaginary line between these, apparent off sided groups. The crowds were not distinctive from the other...still, they all were male and female, along with wearing all the same similar police uniforms. Besides the one person in a more political suits on both ends, the weapons were the indicator however. The groups on the left held large shoulder resting firearms of assault rifles. While the others held only single handed firearms of pistols, submachine guns, and among other ones that are unidentifiable.

Each side of the lined groups targeted one another as the suited individuals met in the middle and shook hands. They spoke, yet nothing had been very clear except for the words "peace", "keeping order", "changed ownership", "Contracts already signed", "why the assaulting violence". Such a stunning experience, listing from a far, seeing at all angles without being there. Brourge did this effortlessly, projecting us there without them none the wiser. At least we were together...

Then everyone jumped as another car drove up to the scene, over that exact invisible line of separation. Shouting, threats, the suits began backing up behind their respective sides of such a line. As a third suit appeared, after getting out from the car. Approaching his twin suits near the lines center. They all seemed to get along and began to talk. Till the group of 6 people held revolvers and bolt action rifles, walked closer and closer towards the suits. Soon fireworks began between the three, red paint smeared their vehicles, and larger booming explosions shook the earth as flames devoured all.

Brourge halted our viewing ability, just as the third party shot the survivors of the failed negotiable peace rally. "So much for keeping order, uh?", my love mentioned as he zipped down the ladder into the tunnel. As I followed, even now I'm a bit confused as we talked about what happened before the night ended. But now I'm aware of three groups, not just two that are at work upon if not within humanity. There's the Military, Government, and now the space people, Stars. Their adorable nickname, my situation of conquering the world as Queen seems more of a dream. Yet only should take a bit longer then I might of anticipated. At least Brourge's value hasn't dissipated, to bad we can't be together.

_-May 12, 2137UH

A usual morning, though the day had been a George consumed moment in my life. We met up at the library, where he had one of some of his slaves fill his place for the day. We left the establishment almost as I arrived. Heading into that magnificent blue car of his. This time it had large fins on the backend, which he gloated. Showing them off, as with the engine. Honestly it didn't imprested me much. Then again, I smiled and nodded. Shame the sun hadn't been out this day. Also seemed it was going to rain or something. Which just plainly depressed me. I tired to stay in role with my lovely George.

As we drove upon the roads, turning and spinning about. His usual showing off, which did lead me to grin more then once. I found myself asking what had been on today's agenda. He only shrugged his shoulders. Then we came upon the airport, he opened a compartment on my side of the car. Then in the middle of the seats. There had been a lot of papers, I also got a fine look at his handwriting. Very neat, except for the 'T's and 'E''s. Go figure, they had a scribble affect to them. Not sure, but he closed when after finding the personal orders to both enter the airport and to use our special ride for this evening. The power of money is just something else. We boarded a helicopter. The damn thing was monstrous, I had to hold George's hand. I was a bit intimidated. For it had been a military chopper. Not the Military, but the sort with the demon within three pillars upon its sides. Two sets of large long propellers fitting atop one another on the tippy top. A large thick glass plated front end. With two places for gunners, followed by four sliding doors. Two on each side, for a certain situation. A smaller propellers on its back end. Behind the two opening into helicopter upon its sides. Two placements for a mounted several barreled gun sat.

I had to put a suit on though, once inside I mean. And they started the beast up. It had the capacity to carry over 500 solders. So, it had been about the size of a house within its belly. Not sure why we were taking something like this, yet I had a amazed smiled. As did he, apparently he enjoyed my reaction just as much as I thought. But both of us put on his latex black suit. Every one wore them, on the helicopter. So I didn't think anything of it. When the beast started, nearly shitted my pants though. The feeling of being lifted off. I know I had been on a helicopter before. But this feeling had been completely beyond anything the other dinky thing before could of amounted to. Maybe I just thought it had been a compete different experience. Then again, last time I had my eye surgery done. Wonder what would happen this day. As we strapped ourselves into the seating. We were off into the clouds. Over the seas.

No he didn't explain the latex black suits, either. Until later on. In which I found George's magnificent watch to be seen. While he had dressed up in that latex suit like myself. Just saying, its still ingrained into my mind. It was unique at Brourge's bracelet worn around my forearm. Its fantastic detailed design, expanding wings. I think, their wings anyhow. Hard to really tell. But, two initials were etched upon the metalized straps around his wrist. 'HL', that's not George Ganst. What did it mean exactly by those letters. That was a thought in my mind, but also followed by. Just amusement over the craftsmanship itself.

As the time past, he stated, we were headed to the mainland. Unlike before, we had gone to just another island. As the ocean waters reigned in full. I had a large metal box placed upon my latex covered lap. Which George explained further. It was a game, that most people played with then were younger. Which only later on, I still never recall playing such a game. In my childhood, fucking rich bastards must have had everything. But George seems, distraught. My sense tells me so, like everything else, confusing. Couldn't even rely on my senses, which easily could mean George might be a Freak like myself. Or know someone who is such a thing. Like Brourge and I, but back to the old yet unknown game.

Upon this metal box, in my lap. There were bright red buttons in a 3x3 fashion. He called it tick tack toe. Which he couldn't tell me the damn reasoning for the game. But the objective was simple. To get a line of three pressed red buttons before your opposing opponent. Which he allowed me to win the first few. Then came down hard. Sweet of him really, We had such an amazing time flying through the air. Now that think back today. I can't believe it, that I couldn't see his love for me. Our chuckles, mingling, caringness, desire, what else am I waiting for anymore. At least he's honest, right? Unlike a shadow in my life.

Eventually a small beeping sound came from the box when we finished our final game. In which George placed such a thing to the other seats down from us. We soon came flying over the remains of a city. Upon the mainland. I saw such amounts of overflowing forests, grass, few roads, then the crumbling remains of a city. He asked if I had been curious about the suits and this destination. We were responsible for the bombs that fell today. This city was a main base of operations for anti Government groups. Without even thinking I nodded, saying how clever. When now, regret. With self hate flows for those words. Even worse, his tricky with the game. That only meant, we played with people's lives. Brourge would be so disappointed. Would even wound me for such a horrible selfish act. Playing with lives for fun and enjoyment. Then again, perhaps its not my fault, since I hadn't actually known.

Yet, there was a passionate moment, when explaining the suits. He asked me to look at a certain portion only one's partner could see. Though the word partner did shock me, until I got it the idea he meant diving buddy. It was a diversion, our lips relentlessly flourished in tonguing one another. Before long, or after we were tired of the other's lip penetration. We moved on. Right out of the helicopter as they went to fuel up. Literally, thrown from our seats. The straps did nothing, I nearly and did piss myself in unearthly screams.

Surprisingly, I wasn't wanted for murder either for George. Who planned the whole evening entertainment. As we glided down through the treacherous winds, I found his hand around my own. As fear wrenched his hand for doing such a thing to us. Since he was smiling at the time, I had probable cause. He then screamed the continued conversation that had led to the kiss of distracted passion. There had been a portion only your diving partner could reach. Or the two of us, separately would be dead.

There was a small nudged on both our suits. He grabbed and pulled mine as I his. Soon, we were connected inside a large motionless latex rubber ball. Like some form of a rubber hut. As the cords disappeared. As with the latex suits entirely. Rather creepy at first, which showed on my face. He asked what the problem had been. I couldn't even respond. By the way, we could see all around ourselves, like as if in another dimension. Yet he reassured me nothing could hurt us from the exterior of the latex thingy. This was a airdrop method and technology from the Government when conflicts arrive. At least that's what he told me, I guess that's possible.

Before landing or as we landed, upon a clearing in the rumble standing city. We sat together in the two person spaced ball. He pulled out two small packaged little bakery sweets from this pocket, they were absolutely to die for. When I had bitten into one. Such a chocolate swirl with a dash of pecan banana. Not sure what won me over. From there I felt a sudden bounce and we seemed to be one the ground, at least this had been what George mentioned to me, as he pulled his side of the ball's cord which deflated the entire rubbed thing into a pile of shrinkage.

We walked off and away from under the rumble. We began to wonder the city together. Which he explained, it had been safe and cleared before hand. He even showed me a tiny pistol, just in case. Including one for myself. Which I shook in acceptance. That's at least, what should of happened. I don't kill people, unless they try to hurt me or my world. Guns cause trouble, that's all I learned about them in school. They always have, always part of conflicts in the world. Never the less I took it, placing it into my purse. Quickly, not even sure who had done that. Yet, I like it. Its very small, not really used for combat. Just self defense. Many five bullets at most. I did the right thing, besides it rude not to take gifts when offered. Right?

Again, people could have been in the city, they might of attacked us. I couldn't allow him to know what I was. He might turn on me, or worse, order a hunt. Who knows, didn't need to risk it. Even if it defiles my morals in life, it will save my life. Luckily I didn't have to use my gun. Its just so damn pretty. Silver plated, fitted my hand perfectly. Never had a gun before, felt a bit powerful. Not to mention the most adorable hearts lined the sides of the barrel. Just my style, could swear my dagger this day sort of withered a bit. At the sight of another object giving me such warmth.

He and I sort of played around a bit. In the ruble. My idea, which he went against. Tag, other intimate games, I spy, other games I had in my childhood. Which he knew all to well, even if he said otherwise. The sweet bastard he was.

While on the ride back to the island. We had a wonderful drink together. Cleansing, felt the sun nearly baking me alive. So thirsty as I've ever been.

I saw myself home, with a quick teleport, I saw there was still some time before the curt view began. Which hadn't been a problem for me, but I hated go out and being watched so much. They might find out what I am, perhaps kill me on sight. Have no idea. But tonight, that's not what kept me home. Disciplining, physically, myself through painful guilt with George in Brourge's honor. Which made me crave a lustful ending all the more. Which I denied myself. That's not it, nor my family. Even if I enjoy the family further with dad around. No I didn't stay to think of how to tell Brourge about the missing letters between us. Nope. None of that, it was when I began to cough, without rest. Blood even, which I thought of the cancer.

Yet I think not. I couldn't be that, something else. Just a chemical, pick up, from the destroyed city today. There had to have been a reason why George didn't want us to play in the rubble.

May 13, 2137UH

This was a boring day. Apparently, Brourge had not been in at the bar. So, I found myself just wondering in thought. As with my aura and excising in the usual routine for me. Some satisfaction at least through release. But there were a few flares of interest that made me ponder in who I am. As with what's happening in my world. Getting up in the morning, I found a single mail on my cell phone. From those employers. The very same from the Military Base who suspended my job after my traitorous act being declared by the Island Community. I ignored it regardless, it stated I should report to the Military Base on Sperack. For an emergency meeting about reinstating my former employment. Because of a treat that's arrived on the island. Or whatever the fuckers stated, they bailed on me. I awoke to who I really was. They are only my past life, since that's dead and gone. So should they, I'm on my own. Besides, my father nearly died because of them.

During my walk about the city, from morning into the night. Past curt view, I found myself at one point starting at the soldiers upon the rooftops. At the closed off sites where past conflicts occurred upon Sperack Island. Some I even witnessed, oh the found memories cherished there. Of my awaking into this world that had been my past. My sights also found the Shenn Que Corporation advertisement upon the buildings and bus's side. Wondering how the companies used to operate in the world before the UHEG. How the real Military operate. Why was I valuable. How did I, a Freak, become wanted by all in the upper world above the commoners.

Then, a person, who the bastard had been. Ruined my thoughts a bit, trying to discourage me. Saying how I and George always hung out, a disgrace to the Military's honor. Going along the path of marrying a Government sellout. Which I found myself conflicted. At, now having a partner. But still being attacked for having not having the right partner. I found myself, then but not now. Hating myself, what I became. Throwing away the opportunity to get my old job back. That I'm investing to much into the new me and letting my old self die. It's a mess, my life means nothing. Or whatever self destroying nonsense I found to be reasonably logically fitting. But in the end. My sense said otherwise. The final word spoken on the subject. Accepting who I truly was.

As for George, not sure. Though it would have been a Brourge day. Had to keep a balance between them. Since I knew my heart was swaying back and forth. Didn't need to lose myself any further. But in the end. This wondrous self fulfilling day hadn't been a waste. The concentration of my aura and soul. It felt as if ablaze in the moon light. If only days could be so simple as these. Leaning and growing at the same time. Perfect combination if not inseparable.

_-May 18, 2137UH

Up to this point to I've failed to mention the letters passing between George and myself. They are just so usual. That they never strike in any odd or new blooming manner. At least in comparison, to recent events on this fucking rock. But this had been a surprise. Since George, at times, leaves during the week for meetings elsewhere in the world. We decided to send letters to stay in contact. But his had not been my letter. No sir, it was for a Mr. Hastoa Landsome. Yet I knew George's handwriting anywhere, those T's and E's will always give him away. So I assume this must have been a accident, mixed up our letters. This occurred on 14th during the week. Of course he was no where to be found at the Island's Community Meeting that Tuesday. And he was still gone for the entire rest of last week. Figures. But the contents seems to paint a person of superior powers within Shenn Que. Possibly even George's mentor. I searched for him all week. Even this day, the 18th. No George Ganst to be found. Half way, I asked then, as I do now. Am I falling in love with George Ganst? Silly to ask myself, but I'm not sure. Why I'm acting so desperate to find him. He's more then a friend, I feel. Always has been a bit over the top. But unsure where he is.

By the way, father has been very well. Getting back to his old self. Getting the mail every morning if not day. Chores around the house, looking for more employment. Since his last employers have been downsizing.

On the 14th, I found myself in another switch moment. I couldn't touch simple paper. So my few, present teachers, at the Military Academy. Luckily, not many people were around to witness my odd behavior. Of reading and filling out reports on the reading material as with notes on presentations. I couldn't physically touch anything that was of paper. Mind fuck indeed. As with a cracking down leadership declaration upon Sperack. We discussed methods, on how to deal with the free living killers. That were said to have started the events to that followed so much damage. Bullshit. Nothing about the Military or Government conflicts. Only some deranged persons responsible or even terrorists. Brourge had been right again, cover up after cover up. But why? Why hide from the commoners of the world?

On the 15th, another wonderful switch moment plagued me. Unable to open doors at all, so, I had to either use windows. Or any other form of entering or exiting of buildings. Which included my house and the Military Academy. I basically used my abilities to enter in and out of all buildings all day. Heard from the few people there, that some of the teachers were found trying to illegally fly off Sperack. They were executed right there and then. Others are tracked, families being questioned, detained, wanted, killed for betrayal. Leaving their posts, the screens all over the city have been telling the story as is. As With the Minformation at home.

Of course, the population of the Military is shirking daily. As I just sat there watching, I have been coughing too. Not only they, but now myself. Has joined their little dying symptoms. Of course, its only minor. My abilities are more then enough to overcome all that nonsense. Humans, on the other hand, have less of a chance. As with in the nights. I've been much more violent means to inflicting pain upon my being. Oh, the damn high, riveting every portion beyond its limits. Seems I'm just getting addicted to pain, or just finding pleasure to drown my insecurity. With George and Brourge, tearing my heart and mind apart. As with this world of mine, disappoint before my very feet. Where I stand, is no where to be found by another. I'm alone, with no one to trust.

As for the 18th, this day. After looking for George all day. Asking at the library, his apartment building slaves, even the guards at the Shenn Que Estates. Besides the police who have been following me all week. I've been able to both ignore and lose them till now. Today, they've been extremely creaked down by those police bastards. One tried to assault me, others were armed to shoot me dead. In the end, I found a moment of peace. They were no where in sight or sound, only the dark curt view night.

At least the warmth of the night, kept me awake. Rising my sprits after realizing my loving of George. I had found myself in the city, a ways in, near the northern harbors upon Sperack. I felt tired, almost deciding to transport home, but my sense spoke for me to enjoy the night. Thinking about the world, what to do as improving my life. As with my families, or what not. How would they have reacted to me using two men for pleasure. With no marriage sought to found any time soon. It made me chuckle, the thought alone. As with the flashing lights of a police car move down our street. George being so protective, would have to repay him. With asking about the letter, this Hastoa Landsome. What was going on, who really controlled Shenn Que.

The night walk home, had been absolutely diabolical. That dark skinned long tailed reptile, dark red eyed, Freak. Forced me to walk all the way home form the city's northern side. I couldn't transport myself away, on one could see me. I was able to pass through people, objects, everything I encountered on my lonely shaking to death walk. Oddly enough, that sharp toothed monster, only watched from the roof tops. His feeling, eyes, casting that dark shadow in every step. Weighting me down, infecting my being, draining my energy. I felt like dying every second, crying, scared, wanting things to end. The darkness might as well been alive. It should of killed me then allowed this hell to ravish me. Inside and out, nothing more then uncontrollable shakes. Until about some time I found myself alone. Time occurring, time must of stood still. Because I got home early then I should have been physically possible when walking.

After, self control had been regained. I found myself feeling more powerful then ever before. Throwing my language of hate into the empty wind. As it held no stalker to be felt or seen. Only myself and others walking the streets. From there, I feel today had been alright.

_-May 19, 2137UH

Today was that time when our new Sperack Island Community had enacted their regulations for the entire residence. Effective immediately, to eliminate all the violence and chaos. All public accesses were now closed down until stated otherwise. In order to reduce the conflict between the violent assaulters and the victims of their reins. Only those of approved status were allowed to be or go anywhere. It was in my cell phone's mail and on the screens of the island. Until further notice all services will be monitored and no public access will be permitted. Again, George gave me the daily changing codes. To type into the web base to be able to walk about, hang out. Without being shot down by the security monitors on the roof tops, etc.

So indeed, the schools were closed, library, bars, mall, exercise station, and I believe the airport with the harbors. Not sure entirely, didn't check them out much in the day. However, the executions continued, in front of the Iron Moth statue. Big fucking surprise, but I spent the day with George. Which he both explained the crackdown further. Saying the Iron Moth ordered such demands, in that moment. I had been ashamed to leaved my god so easily. Just because I felt alone, didn't mean I had any right. To leave what never left me. So I agreed, we even prayed together at the Iron Moth's base. Side by side, then hopped back into the car, not before he complain about some back pain. We tired to get away from the issue, since he wasn't comfortable talking about it. Not many people were out and about. Such a lovely, peaceful sight. Just George and I, together. Which indeed, it was only us the entire day.

Speaking of which, I brought up the letter he accidentally sent me. In which case he snatched it away, in such haste. Saying a few mumbled words. In which I forced him to explain further with a few strokes of my hand over his scared zone. Admitting he had a mentor, which had been Hastoa. Unfortunately, his father didn't feel he'd be ready to take over the company. And effectively keep such a thing up and running, so a replacement was set in. To ensure, after his father's death. That his son, George, wouldn't gain control till he learned the necessary skills to run such a company. Which was why he had to take up jobs at the school, library, couldn't just relax. He touched my heat, a bit more then before. Just such fluent honestly, openness.

I fit my lips around his clothed pleasure zone. Over his pants, beginning to suck. Feeling the blood rushing down into his lower self. Finding his flickering and sweating growing as we continued to drive along. SO sweet it had been, but I was fucking horny. Soon, I forced him to continue driving, if he wanted me to further my suction. That if he had been a good boy, he'd be allowed to cum. Which yes, I found my mouth and throat stuffed with his meaty hardness. Even after cumming, it remained hard. Which later he told me about the pills he took. Which had been about keeping one's erection. Yet the taste was indeed, spicy with a tang. Not very apostatizing.

We basically found ourselves playing the entire day. With his slaves, at this apartment. At the Shenn Que Estate. From all sorts of diverse games. But no sex, or anal, not yet at least. Brourge, I can't betray him that much. Even writing this, I threw up twice from just plan sickness in myself. Not to mention the punching and beating of disloyalty.

By the way, after the whole playing about. With games of screaming torture, to chasing, hide and seek, tickling, etc. Which also came about his mentor beating him for the lost letter. In which he explained further, that finding a women had been on his requirement. And asked if I could ever be his only girl. We agreed with a yes, in such a kiss, up against the wall sort. With myself being the aggressor. He was fucking mine, as that's what I told him straight out. So cheerful he appeared, even as I walked home from his apartment. Didn't need to get pulled into any more oral driving. It was so peaceful, this night.

Then I came up on two men on the second floor of an apartment building. They were yelling at me. Saying how it was all my fault. A no good Asian cunt, on their island. They were drinking, but threw something at me. A beer bottle I believe. Of course I dodged it, but then came the shattering blasts of the rooftop security. Killing both men in a rain of bullets, I guess one of the people upon the rooftop called me. Asking if I was alright, which I thanked him. And did I need an escort home, I had to discuss with them a bit. But I was able to walk home freely. I never did hear anything about that incident on the news report or Minformation. Funny, but it always brightened my day. Or perhaps aroused me further then my gloomily saddened state. I mean, death seems to really get me going or it had been anger, regardless, my dagger began to dance with me on the streets as I walked home.

My family asked, why or how I had been able to go outside without being shot at. I told them, over dinner, that a new man was responsible. From there, the conversation ended, but they were indeed happier to hear. I might settle down, it made me happy too. Considering they must of known someone big must of entered my life. Or I wouldn't of been able to leave the house. Of course I locked my door and was the first to leave dinner. To both write and punish myself in private.

Upon trying to figure myself out, I got another mail on my phone from George. Saying that the Spearck Island Community announced that all Tuesday meetings will be here by suspended until the violence calms. Because there had been an assault on the Shenn Que estate this night and on the church, where the Iron Moth stature stood proudly. Which lifted my sprits and yet sent questions, of who attacked them?

But even more, where was Brourge's letter? For I wish to remain his loving partner, to held and cherished as beaten. And yet, where is his faith in our relationship. He better get his act together, I'm losing my mind. This dagger seems to be affecting me, somehow, its implanting my behavior. Its sounds crazy, however my sense has never been wrong before.

On a more positive note, I barely coughed today. Only once, when coming home. Maybe I was over reacting before, nothing more then a common sickness that will disappear in a few days time.

_-May 20, 2137UH

Such a day of many hours spent, without regret, with him along my side all the while. Brourge and I went off the shore a bit nearing the power plant's exhaust system. The winds spoke of an icy chill which ran up my spine, though in the suits it all melted away in brisk warmth. Odd thing I noticed upon the diving gear, they both had an emblem, a Government "UHEG Property" label on the inner neck. Though I said nothing, my love never ceases too amaze. Just as with this one, the ocean's my comfortable paradise. Even if I had almost drowned, guess I've always felt the waves saved me from death or an organism pushed from below. Perhaps a wildly vivid imagination, yet no one had been around when such event occurred. Just me, alone, on a beach, choking and coughing up sea water. As the waves continued pouring inward, splashing upon my feet's tiny young toes. Not even sure the age I'd been, though my fascination started with that, a fact be true. Thus the whole Marine Biology career in college, which might be worth shit in the end, but I have hope that if that's the case. My destiny will have already some too pass, Queen!

Such a day this was, seeing how my father's factory worked, never till this day did I know the inner workings. From our little boat, with only tiny air tanks we splashed till the sun shining down glistered above our sights all around. We dived further into a wall of rock, which we swayed round. While he looked upon it, for signs of the exhaust route which occurs under the Power Plant and is dumped into the ocean directly. I on the other hand took some time, admiring our empty yet elegantly profound surrounding. The unknown life hidden far into the darkness while crystal clear sand drifted slightly with shifting cycling currents. The sensation alone seemed as if I'd been wasting so much in the classroom. Just as Brourge stated, schooling rarely exercises experience merely opinions on the experience. Riffling waters atop consistently splintered the sun flooding downward upon us.

In no time Brourge had his hand atop of my shoulder and pulled us up and over. We passed life, green and yellow plant life waiving over the rocky wall. Till we came upon a submerge cavern, where my thoughts before became under spoken, nothing was just growing, more along the lines of literally exploding out of this massive cavern's entrance. Not only stemming plant life either, fish, crabs, snails, finned beauties everywhere. And yes, that happen too have been and still is the Power Plant's exhaust waste routed system. My disbelief that hazardous waste could actually allow such flourishing, it wouldn't be possible. Yet naturally, being those were my exact thoughts. My loving radar corrected me, saying, "Who ever said new age waste had been hazardous?", which he proved me wrong again. My Hourglass, bastard always reminds me where I'd be without him. He never actually mentioned the material their were using too power the entire island of Sperack. But it must have been out of this world, cause those history books said nothing ever came from toxic waste within a factory. Except death and bitter health, though what changed?

Brourge took me by the hand and we swooped into the tunnels wonderful darkness. Which in time, our suba suits lights were unnecessary. As the colossal forests that surrounded us become a glowing witness too the defined meaning of being overwhelmed. All slippery shines, pulsating blue moss, veggie vines that swayed too silent music, scaled fogs, snakes that danced in a glowing illumination. All many more amazements were found among the glowing unknown which turned out to be more friendly then I could of imagined.

But after several minutes, everything went black. I must off black out for quite some time. Next thing I knew, Brourge and I were back in that little boat rocking it into twisted turns with sensation thrusts. No no, we weren't have sex, but the suit I had worn was pushed up over my breasts as the other section had been taken off completely. Oh, the winds were just exceptionally positioned, with my naked lips below felt its curved movements. Before my love made another move upon me, with his many toys, the countless times I ran like a stream onto the boats interior too his every touch. It had been completely blushful all on its own. However when the pleasure faded, and I felt the sudden drop, as usual. Something had been a miss, I ensured my hair was in my face, messy and hiding.

There was a sudden discomfort, a curious arousal. There might have been a person watching from outside the factory. Just overlooking us from the hilltop, watching, yet they only appeared for a split second, then vanished. Maybe my guilt of George, influencing a imaginary relief, cause if her knew there wouldn't be much pain of deceitful despair.

Hiding those tears coming out, because I wanted too tell George about this day, which led too the realization of what I'd had done. Oh so wanted too tell him about it, let my love embrace that horror able deed with forgiveness. Yet my weakness took hold greater then I could manage, so even now that guilt still flares up inside me. The rest of stressful intermixed pleasure day had been with Brourge. We just spent time doing silly remarkable things. We walked, talked, showed each other some foolish whacky little tricks such as licking our elbows, writing our name in the snow, who could jump the highest, balance upon the other the longest, be silent for the longest time, stare and not laugh at one another, sing, etc...

We just overall hung out and enjoyed our time together, getting to know one another a bit more. This was one of the first times we had this moment to be around one another and talk without intimacy mixed play. Which I did offer too mingle out of guilt I believe, though he beautifully refused my request. Again and again, till I left painfully happy, that we never played. I would of only induced more guilt by allowing George too swim into my mind. And plant his fingers upon me.

A lot was shared between us this day, mainly housing around and expressing our pasts. Discussing connections and why certain behavior is instinctive now and wasn't before, others are different only by a slight percentage due to nurturing and natural inheritance through the bloodlines. Though most importantly what was stated, or came out of this little conversations of ours, Brourge has a mentor, though he teased about telling me who, yet it was lost during other discussed topics that came afterwards.

He even walked me home before curt view and we shared a kiss before our final departure of the night.

The dreams that came too me, forcing me awake only a few hours ago.....the shameful guilt of hiding.

Fuck love and all it has too offer, its not worth it!!!

_-May 25, 2137UH

All last week, shameful downfalls. One after another, after another. Continuing onward to the ending that I face today. My sister updated me daily, on the list of growing missing persons and those being conceived for traitorous acts against the UHEG and Iron Moth. Many were of my ex friends, teachers, classmates, teammates, even those who lived next door to our very homely area. Though the list mainly displayed the Military being a prime target of the extermination, seems the Government was also being eradicated. I recall some from the Sickle games at the stadium. Surely we all had differences, but were never the less the sole residence on Sperack. Just hearing and knowing they were being hunted, killed, and thrown out of their homes. How much worse could the situation be or even get. It just tore me apart, worry for my own family became a prime concern.

So, yes, I've been staying home lately. Except with George, on Friday. We had gone to get me looked at by the very same medical staff and personal that fixed my eyes. Which on that note, its been great. Many lovely comments and one new job opening. But I only moved on, Sperack will be a home, yet only just. I have greater achievements in life that some low working job. I'm no commoner. Getting back to that local Government hospital visit with my dearest friend. As my coughs were getting a bit annoying, we did find the cancer early. So I took some pills, and since then. Nothing of the sort, seems George wins once again. He did have some urgent business elsewhere. Saying he'd pay for all the tests that day, hoping I would be fine without his assistance. All sent to me in a letter. The very same Brourge seems to reluctant for these eyes to behold.

That's when Brourge comes into view. Since George got me into the Iron moth again, lifting my hopes up. From not taking my own life that is, cause everything is changing beyond my own comprehension. During the week, the Minformation made me weep in shuttering terror and pain. Jenny was still considered one of the most wanted people in the world. But also along side another, though the name was not available. Unfortunately, their description matched my love. With the scared tissue on his face, necklace, most importantly his feet maneuverability. Its not the fact they same him as a terrorist, yet one who personally took it on himself to eliminate the Iron Moth from society.

The thought alone, of Brourge P., brought on such a mixtured fixation of emotional confliction within me. What would I do? How could I handle his news?

I watched a video of this terrorist of theirs. They showed a certain trick only he was cable of, that they knew about. It had him juggling with his feet. Brourge was always very toe handy, so to speak. After which I found myself beating, relentless into my being. My arms sweated blood as my face. Laying in my own pool of blood. I found something clicked. Instead of accepting the punishment of these disturbed thoughts of my love. Why don't I actually make it my escape. Which I questioned greatly and still do. While I mediated, focusing that precious aura of mine. It became clear to me.

My love, Brourge, might have been against me and my wishes this entire time. He despised the Iron Moth. The very thing that brought us together, such a horrible act to occur. On his part, but it was time for judgment of the wicked. Why should I feel guilt for the one who made my life this way, and wishes I remain his toy. There is no reason for me to stay, he clearly is slowly abandoning me already. No a word heard since. He's with another in his heart. Jenny, or another cunt. I will be asking my love, who will spiritually remain with me fully for the rest of this lifetime. However, he must be judged. The Iron Moth, will use me for it's will to be decided. I just started upon the shelf of his gifts to me from his loving heart, mainly the bracelet. That's still carried upon my arm.

If he juggles, with those feet. Then he will only be just a memory to me. Till we die, another day.

_-May 26, 2137UH

Today was that horrific time, from which Brourge would be gone from my aura's touch for perhaps months on end. However, worse too say, he's turned out too be that terrorist I read about yesterday. Minformtion, showered me the juggler of feet, from which I asked my love too show me a little skill. His dancing in the air alone had been magnificently flawless, and effortlessly preformed before me. Shifting around a few grenades which came from his strapped uniforms pockets. Though, that look he gave, so surprised when I asked for a performance. As if somehow he knew what it had been about before even asked further. Unfortunately the worst has come too pass in the future weeks. He's no longer the man I loved, only a mere memory. Fucking assholes been lying too me for so long, why now of all things. Does this have to occur, when my worlds falling apart.

He looked like a terrorist to, this night, though if only he hadn't been an enemy of the Iron Moth. We could have been so much more then memories too one another. For now, as these tears are flowing without end, rather be alone. Perhaps then I'll be able too figure out my next move, that will ensure my stability in this world. Considering I'm a Freak, there must be a branch of extreme caution.

Yup, met up with Brourge at the airport, about mid day. After I'd been ruined, and I'll have too again thank George for the ride there. Went home and watched the Minformation till sun down. After which, just went out, without a word and wandered the island, searching for something too release my stress upon. From what I recall, nothing had been found. Except for the humble police people, they rode up too me on the street. Apparently curt view had long passed. They were very polite, as if serving, though I treated them like dirt. For this is how all will treat me one day after the crown is mine and mine alone.

Though, even now, Brourge's military uniform, chopper and friends at the airport. Run through my head, have been running again without missing a beat. Bringing me too cry, even without knowing at times, but now too realize its over between us. How am I, suppose too bring this up? The baring of it would break him, perhaps kill me if not by his hands maybe even my own. God Damnit!! Why did he hide so much....

_-May 27, 2137UH

This day swished by in seconds yet held onto me for years, every hour I spent alone in my world. Crying, trying too figure out how too stop it. The conflict of accepting Brourge as my love and yet the very same person lied with utter terror for worshipers of the Iron Moth. Much like myself, family, and community, which is still close too my heart. Even if they have changed a bit, their true inner selves have shined through as the people I recognize them being overall. And Hourglass goes around killing us, how is that even forgivable in ant degree, beyond the fact of lying too me about this. My family and friends must of sensed it, that he would turn out this way. A heart breaker, the purest and most deadly sort.

Oh in the mist of perhaps some form of forgiveness and balancing this horrible incident with exposing my relations with George Ganst. I found something very interesting that's doomed Hourglass too the past, no more chances, he'll stay and remain a tool in my life. No more or less. Of course the item found, that imbued such an amount of distrust would be the hidden camera object within the metal jellyfish. After its crashing too the carpeted wooden floor, by accident of an outburst of frustrated rage. .

A gift from my lover was nothing more then a surveillance camera, ensuring his investment wasn't a dud I bet. Recording me in so many instances, movements and otherwise. I've covered the rest of his gifts with a blanket, and plans have been made for their disposable in the future of days. Yet they do represent my Queenship flourishing. Thus they'll have too be checked personally. Yet at the time, had too restrain myself, hold in the screams of hate and other things I'd enjoying telling myself. Too make damn sure Brourge never gets my heart again, that my minds made up. Which indeed, the darkening deeds been accomplished. I've settled in peace while writing out my thoughts.

I'm still blocking everyone from my mind, I'm even eating a cold dinner alone from my family. When that metalizied jellyfish shattered this afternoon so did the peaceful world I wished too have shared with another. Brourge might have had me again, if only that world would of stayed together, maybe it was a sign from the Iron Moth. The feelings of despair amplified, growing deeper and deeper into an choice of renew.

At least George remains, I'll be contacting him soon enough, our bond will replace Brourge's that I harbor. Still tears are splashing this particular diary entry, conflict has grown again. My discussion too leave Brourge. Why should I wait too hear another lie from the bum lying murdering bastard. The truth has always been in front of me. My family knew it, sis too, even the community. I have been corrupted.....yet another will heal that long before a crown reaches my top.

Strangely enough, my minds made up yet my sense continues too struggle in all its might. Why, does the bond for he have such influence? I've wasted enough time with this! Its time too move on!!

***

CHAPTER 6 JUNE

_-June 1, 2137UH

I finally released myself upon George, my virginity is now finally gone. I feel released and yet overwhelmingly shameful. Of course at first. I thought, it had been just some sort of fluke, but he even stated in surprise. That was I really a virgin, which only bleed with the first sexual fucking. So, I guess, Brourge and I never did have sex that one time. What a disappointment. But the track of George, seems to be more potent then ever before.

The rest of the night I wanted to be alone, isolated from everyone else, their influences nothing more than a memory. I found and figured out what I was going to do, realizing what I had done.

Planning every detail along the way, Brourge had to be cut out of the picture, I've done no wrong, he was the wrongful one.

How did he expect me to control myself from these urges, teasing me all the time, abandoning me the few times we have together, cutting off communication in mail, manipulating me with tricks, teaching me nonsense, only being there when it was convenient for him, unfaithfulness with Jenny at his side, money

unreliability, no social life stability, and above all a stressful life. Causing me to care about him most of the months, keeping secrets, slowly I've seen him cutting me off, besides, he would never forgive me giving my first to another man, no man would forgive such a thing. Except with rage and hate, maybe even death, as most of his punishment methods are a bit unfair.

From today onward, George will be my loving partner, to care and enjoy a life of peaceful growth together, forever. Wiping away my tears, I felt ever so relived to know the truth of things, yet something in me struggled with this decision. Yet I held my head up and continued forward. There was nothing I missed in my complex calculation, however guilt was there growing even as I now write. Which I can't write much of the intimate event that followed. As horrible and ever so beautiful as they might have been. I just can't do it!!!

_-June 2, 2137UH

From what I heard in all my years, sex would and has never freed anyone in their lives. Its always been a absolute failure, perhaps I, as George even said himself. Have been hanging with the wrong crowd all this time. This is said as for the fact that I feel my lovely George has awoken myself from a eternal slumber brought sustained by Brourge, I don't understand why that man decided to do such a horrible thing to me, at least now its over. Or that had been my initial thought.

From the horrible fantastically mixed event, that occurred between George and myself. I was driven home by none other then him, George, which I told him before getting out of the car. Pick me up early in the morning, that I'd be ready for whatever he dished out.

Was and how horny could I be, talk about utter lack of self control and lead on by pure animal lust, I'm unsure how many times punched myself in the stomach while gagged. It was not that I was pregnant, I hoped to the Iron Moth I wasn't that would be a nightmarish pleasure, I can't believe what I'm saying much any more. Though I can't say for certain, this was all proven today, which I partly regretted.

Today, I got all dressed up, called George up even. Which he was not even awake, did nothing but sit there on the couch dizzily watching the Minformation until I heard his cars engines, which, almost a second it felt, he was already waiting out front for me, I had on my usual winter coat and coverings, however beneath such a thing was some of the sluttish wear I've ever let touch my bear body. Of course I couldn't help a smile toward him as one was returned right back at me, then I got in.

We drove off, then I noticed something in his lap, it was a plate of food, a pile of photos. I asked it was for me, he agreed it certainly was. Of course I was only allowed to eat from the position he was in, I asked I could eat it else wear, I was allowed. However I had to decide if I wanted it now or it would be thrown out the window, so I took the fork, knowing what would be hidden beneath the pile and stabbed it, George swerved off the road nearly, we at last halted to a stop. It was early yet, not many on the roads so I decided to play a little game. As suspected, the plate as it was plastic, had a hole in the bottom allowing is penis to slide in and be covered by the food, which I stabbed with only a plastic fork, I guess I forgot how sensitive this sort of things were, he even told me this. However I stopped him from touching it as he gasped in pain, I threatened our sexual conquests, it held his hands off in the hair above his head while I gathered the food up and his penis was revealed from lifted the plate clear off his lap.

Smiling I said I love the surprise, while as he breathed heavily gave a grin, I asked if this gift was my own and he answered yes. Rolling the window down I threw the entire plate of food out the window and then focused on Gorge, who wore a surprised face upon himself. I told him what was going to go down, I knew full well that the sex we had was great, however I wanted to remain in control and safe, its not that I didn't trust George is was I felt odd with him, not sure how to explain it, something Brourge seemed to posses that George did not.

The rules were simple, I and only I could be allowed to touch his penis if I ever caught him doing otherwise then the sex would stop and punishment would begin, I had to also make things a bit fun and enjoyable. He said yes Mistress, which I grinned, though melted back down to my serious face, he still had his hands up in the air as I spoke. That I would graciously please him, only if he did as I say at all time unless said otherwise, he nodded again. I laid down to onto his lap just about, stroking him then said drive. Honestly I was really hoping for Groege to take control and hold me down, force his own hand and rules upon me, yet he only said yes Mistress and where to.

At first I was unsure what to say or do, this was suppose to be a little power struggle, he should of beaten me or something, not follow my instructions. I sighed and said to the woods near the Bus Station. We were off, I began to lick him, how warm it was , I felt the fresh trimmed hair stems as my tongue swept across him. I felt a new feeling that I enjoyed a lot with George this day, such power!

From here, I teased him till we got into the woods far enough, to be alone. George thanked me for my medical treatment, I asked about his gun wound, which I saw, it was fine. We continued, putting the seats down and thus having more room, with a thick blanket laid down underneath us, I spread myself out awaiting his entry and keeping my waist covered as to keep the bruises from showing. Yet he only waited, I ordered him to force himself upon me, it was about the same as before, I didn't feel any pain though which was a Huge disappointment.

I forgot how many hours we just sat around and played with one another, talked very little, then when day became sundown. I completely skipped my Sport Center Game after telling George this, surprising he slapped me and began to yell at me, being the dumb slut move that was, what the hell I was thinking. Why didn't I check before hand, every time I tried to defend myself he would yell and interrupt me.

We were in the fronts seats, myself in the passenger side and himself in the drivers. We got our cloths on again before hand, we hadn't said a word to each other since that little blow up, meekly I decided to say that I was deeply sorry and even bowed my head in respect, I didn't know what came over me, the control was lost so easily. He placed his hand over my face, I was about to cry nearly, and said he was guilty as well, then held a tight grip over my throat saying don't let it happen again. We drove off, he must be so protective and caring of me that he lost it when my careers and or life was hurt like that, which it could be already, however I was horny again that little pain stunt he pulled was dazzling.

What could I do, who would stay with someone who wants to be beaten and hurt to get off on it, this sounded sick to me when I first heard it. I know and bet highly George has seen and done it all before, I didn't have the nerve to ask or say anything retaining to such a thing, not yet.

As we continued by, a small groups of three people were walking down the street. Holding up signs, speaking of where Asiens belonged. Then ensured I could clearly see their large held up expresssions. Allowing their opinions to flood me. But George only pushed a simple button. Placeing a shadow over the glass facing the small crowd of people. A few more were rushing towards the scene, with their own abjection to my living on this island of my birthplace. Yet the fear, dismissed within. After witnessing the shadow couldn't allow to me witness the hate that awaited me in the days to come. That had George, my love, as with anything I desired to grasp would be my own. Besides, he would take care of the racist anyhow. Just to see a smile on my face, more then anyone else has ever done for me.

Pulling up to my house, we remained silent for a few minute, before I could say anything he grasped me by the throat and we kissed. I opened and allowed his tongue, to twiddle with in my mouth. Letting go, he said this was such a wonderful time perhaps we should schedule for another fabulous meeting of ours. I got out, he drove off and I walked to my house. Ignoring my folks again, only George and Brourge swam in my mind all the night, guilt flooded me when I saw and stared upon my shelf. Which held the stature of me, the books given to me, and then most of all Brourges bracelet. Our sign of such bonding love between us. I held my hand over it, knelt down, began to say I was sorry, ashamed, and needed guidance, then hit myself hard in the stomach. I continued repeating this process until I began to cough up blood, then bowed its these items direction saying please forgive me.

I then slept, which in the morning I wrote this entry, I felt the pain in my stomach while I slept, they hit me nearly all at once. Surprising they were all gone, the bruises I mean, it was a miracle, a gracious act of the Iron Moth. I was quite pleased this that, then full of guilt at the turn of a second. Why did I do it and continue to do this. From what I know of Brourge, he's trash and yet I can't say any of this to him, its getting to me, if he's a criminal he should be taken care of.

That's right, I smiled, I'm getting close to George to get the masses on my side before taking on the nut case that is Brourge. Reason granted.

June 3, 2137UH

I got up later then usual, checked my diary before I left later in the day and wondered if I had any of those drugs from when I was with Brourge that one time. I can't believe I tried to pull such a silly stunt like that, how pathetic!

I beat myself up again for such disapproved behavior, depressed I believe might have been a more accurate term. Saw in the morning and day that executions were carried out all the hangings, firing squads, burnings, electrocutions, gassings, crushings, beatings, etc. Majority were military traitors yet it didn't bother me much if any, though this will be the first time I'm going to admit this on paper, I was quite aroused on by the deaths of these people, the way their eyes showed such indifference of fear and hate, some had love, the agony upon their faces was of pure delight. Actually, I released myself several times during the day in public restrooms, just couldn't control myself.

Then something odd happened within me, I just lost it, my urges overtook me I assume because I blacked out then woke up consciously over another women of my age group, such shame it had been. Her face was covered by a hood, we were leaning over and on a table, my hand gripped around her throat, the women herself was weeping as tears moistened the bottom of the sack, bruised body, hands tied firmly to the tables legs, part of her clothes remained, my own clothes were secured except for my lower half. I was more then excited below, dripping in anticipation still yet I also worse a devise of an odd sort, artificial cock or it was known as a strap on around, had been placed around my waist. Even the strap on was half submerged in the women's lower lips, I even still began to trust into her and out of her being, then I stopped myself entirely yet the women only continued to weep upon the table. I needed answers, I tried to talk to her calmly then a bit roughly, till I finally got what I sought.

Apparently, I took her down, after asking where her loving partner had gone, she stated he left the island on a business trip elsewhere, then I asked her again and threatened. Finally I decided to beat her down, force into submission, and technically raped her, such shame of this fell upon me as to do such a thing, unconsciously or consciously, my morals burned at such horrible news. I washed myself up, then released her, but the cover over her head remained. It might save her life, so we talked about who her partner was...

Nothing came from the conversation between us, finally just knocking her out. Then tired everything I could to ensure her memory would be wiped out of all the events from this afternoon. Not sure it worked, though I left her in the bed of the apartment. Which was fancy in wealth that I might add. Closing my eyes and thinking of home I arrived not far from my door steps, though I couldn't shake the thought of what prompted my unconscious self in urges of a man or women. why now?, why them? Most importantly will this happen again? I feel, there will be a need to gain more self control as to fully rule myself in absolute certainly, no more loose exercises of concentrating aura. Brourge must show me more.

However, there was a upside to this day. The people who were against, me for being Asian, found me outside during this day. Just, my unconscious rapping seemed to dominate the important events that followed this day. Which might of added to my urges rising so highly. So yes, I disappeared for a few of those hatful bastards. Luring them all into an abandoned crime scene in the a store. They were so easy to scare. Then one by one, slit their throats. And from my knowledge, people kept passing on by on the streets. So it had been in clear view of the public. But I shielded us all from the sight of the human commoners. After which, executions came along. I guess those urges get got out of control. Yeah, over after leaving their dead bleeding corpses on the floor of that building. Someone shouted at them being noticed.

What a wonderful day, if separating the rapping later on. That is.

_-June 8, 2137UH

During the week I tracked the women who had been my supposed victim and she was still in a unconscious state. At the hospital, though I still felt shameful and curious of why I did it unconsciously, I was glad it had at least been a government official. They deserved some of the heat in this hell with the rest of us.

During the week, while George and I hung out. We got into an argument, about meeting his mentor. So he could approve, but I refused. I just wanted to a wait a bit longer before anything big like that occurs. The real thought, had been Brourge. What if he knew, what I had done. Would he try anything to me, him or, my family? It is something I'm willing to risk, yet. Yet, it all ended in yelling at one another. So I found myself, wondering alone on the 6th. Happening upon a small chirping bird, not far from the library. Where we met up at. The bird alone, got me to giggle and smile again. Almost in seconds, nature, truly the natural cure. Odd how that accurately happened to easily. From a mood of hate, inflated, into smiling cake. Whatever.

Met up at the library as George and I agreed upon during the week at the Iron Moth communities wasteful meetings. His blue sleen monster pulled up, he burned the engine quite a bit showing off as I walked in the streets and got in, excitingly he informed me that he just had it upgraded this month, with a brand new engine model. He shared with me the technical details, though knowing nothing about such things, I just grinned and humored him.

Then, surprising he must of seen or sensed that my mind was elsewhere and shot me a question about something he talked about. Of course I said what to buy time, he didn't fall for it and thus began to count on this fingers. He reached about two fingers left when I spurted some nonsense out, he only looked at me oddly, it was silent for a little bit. Then said he at least enjoyed the effort to try and didn't mind listening to him, which was my purpose as a female to male, he began to laugh about what I said and even told me about what I said and the result that would have come from it. As he continued to laugh I tried to get out of the awkward situation we were heading into, so we had a good laugh together which was real, at first a bit fake. It was something at least, just another enjoyable memory of George with myself.

Suddenly we stopped, I was unaware of where we were or where we had been going, I saw a sign on the building stating this was a mall, I asked him about this, he responded with a "what did I think" sort of answer as he got out of the car, motioning me to hurry up. Getting out the car he was walking into the building already, waving for me to hurry and follow, thus I tried to and nearly sipped on a patch of ice, lucky for the car being there to break my fall, I moved forward and saw he was already well inside the building. I also noticed there was a decent amount of people walking around, not many entering or leaving the mall, I've always disliked these sort of places, most of the city was uninteresting to me in all reality, must have been because I've lived here for nearly my entire life, I wanted more of what life had to offer. When stepping into the building I was halted by the security guard, the alarm went off and telling me to get on the ground with his fully automatic handgun, safety off, finger on the trigger, pointed directly down at me.

I was shocked, I kneeled on the ground, other guards came walking over and their own weapons trained on me. I had to put my head on the floor as well, both hands on my head as well I knew there was nothing wrong with me, yet I was fearful of what may happen. Found myself nearly crying and wondering if my dagger, the one that's appears from time to time may have set it off, I just was so confused and frightened. Just before I felt everything was lost and gone, the alarm was turned off, I saw the flashing lights die out, I was told by a security guard that I was to rise up, with my eyes shut and remain silent for a search of myself, I nearly caught my tongue. If I was to not follow such things I was to be fired upon. I got up to my feet and someone gently gave me a shove forward and I did so, they told me to go slow.

There was some commotion behind me and they where shouting I was trying to run away, I nearly dropped to my knees again, my eyes desperately remained shut as I was ordered to do, someone's hands grasped and pulled me up from the floor, soon the scrambling feet stopped and a voice said the target was reacquired. This person slightly groped me and locked lips with my own, still I only struggled idiotically with my hands melted on my head and kept my eyes shut. Then his fucking voice shot this little situation right open, George stated he was here and there was nothing fear, laughing occurred all around us, my eyes shot open and I couldn't believe he did that to me, I started to hit and yell at him.

On of the laughing security guards stopped for a moment and asked if George needed any more assistance in containing me, he said no and put me on this shoulder and started carrying me into the store, I saw wads of cash in the hands of the security guards as they waved at us still laughing away. I decided to hit George a bit more until we were far enough away and then told him to put me down, he said on the condition that I behave, I said if only he does the same. I was left down onto the floor again, in which I glanced at the security guards, as they scattered back into their little positions. Don't do that again, he asked if I was really that shaken up about this whole thing, which I answered yes, then he began to laugh and continued to drive the topic talking about how my face looked, shaking almost, we had a bit of a serious and yet humorous discussion about this little event. Finally, he suggested if I should get some gift to cover the horrible misdeed of his, I immediately took action towards this. George grinned and put his arm around me, saying he knew I would want this sort of thing, indeed this little stunt was worth it, I realized this was a rich asshole move on his part, taking advantage of the poor. I was unsure where we were heading so I allowed myself to be guided by him, yet had my guard for anything, we came to an elevator and got in, he asked if I've ever been to the restricted section of the mall, I didn't say anything quick enough and he answered for me, that it was about time I did see and explore the riches life had offer.

Reality, when I younger there was no real security on our island of Sperack, no G or M really seem to inhabit this island as they did other islands, no separation of the classes or classes of people, powerful and weak, at all. Though it was a bit of excitement to see, what was awaiting in the shops, I had to admit that it was a bit creative for George to put all of this together, I'm sure he spent some bucks to do this for me or more of us.

The bell rang on the elevator and the doors opened to reveal a bunch of security guards, weapons armed in their hands, who confronted us, George flashed his watch once, they straighten up and saluted him, then took their attention to myself. George's arm was tightened around me a bit tighter and he said she with me, they nodded. They stepped out of the way and we walked through peacefully into the shops, they were not really run by people, more of robots attached to walls or on wheels, it was so deserted.

He was a bit lost, or it appeared this way, a robot, made of arms and some wheels with a box like body pointed in the direction which we took. I was so dazzled by everything I saw, I didn't know what to talk about first. We're here, George said, the doors split from the middle to the sides and we stepped in.

We were shaded by all sorts of colors, materials, objects, retaining to jewelry and small pieces of fashion or clothing. George told me to look around, he'd be right back, just that I stay in this store, I could also try a few things on. I was nearly jumping for joy, such dazzles, then in the amidst, I asked myself why I was so attached to such rubbish, this was Brourge's life's lessons showing up within my own. I heard my name to come over to the front desk of the store; I had some trouble finding it, had a bit of fun doing so. I saw George with the little pair of robot arms communicating. I came up, he turned around and asked if I'd try this on, it was the most dazzling string of small stones I've seen. I nearly dropped it as I gazed upon it, flashing again and again with each turn. George pointed me to a mirror, I tried it around my right wrist, the robot adjusted the stone bracelet to feel almost perfect upon my wrist.

George asked if how I felt about this gift, I only kissed him, whispering in his ear, was there a place in the store where we could share some quality time, alone, as into show my true appreciation.

Needless to say, George and I did a few more things all day which was just exhilarating, and was not harmless or innocent.

I loved the bracelet, yet more of the man who found and gave me such a thing.

_-June 9, 2137UH

No George I thought. As a swam from one end of the pool to the next, then again, and again for hours on end. Thinking of why he would suddenly ditch me like this. After about 43 laps from one side to the other nonstop, I was exhausted. Just sitting on the side, deepening my view into the crisp water I saw both Brourge and George.

Realizing my guilt, I put both my hands together and slid away from the pool. While against the wall, I just looked up at the ceiling, catching my breathe. That's for today, I told myself aloud then got up and went to the locker room and changed after a refreshing shower

The entire day was wasted, George pissed me off, all day. We were suppose to meet, and nothing was left in his place. No note, message, gift, nothing! Of course, Brourge was still gone and would be for some time, so I was lonely. Not to mention people continued to harass me, while in the Exercise Station. Recently, that sort of harassment was nothing to me, but I had the urge to kill the small group of cunts. Only ragged on, until I left the building itself.

On the plus side, I got my routine exercises as with my focusing aura. All of it was already done, I'm getting more efficient at closure. While training myself, was even able to do so in the full view of the public. But they saw nothing to speak of. Yeah, that was the highlight of my day, laughing for quite some time about such a little thing. Never the less, at least this gym gave me all the resources to build my physical necessaries. Perhaps this may make a difference in whether I be able to overcome Brourge or not. There's always hope.

By the time I was done excising, once again night shaded the town. As I walked to the bus stop, in the simple fact I was to pissed to have the restraining ability of not killing someone on the way home. Fisting my hand in such anger, that unsureness grew through such a fist. Where the rage of fires lifted, then I thought of them again. Both of my men. I punched a near by building wall upon the street. Someone on the sidewalk, quickly went around me almost falling in unsteadiness. Which caused me to share a chuckle, which I feel it made them a but more uneasy. Even more so then before, never did I look. Only walking down the towards my destination. Not sure why such comedy had been shared.

I jumped up into the air. When reaching the bus stop near a city street corner. Few people took notice of me acting so strangely, most of them were younger folk. Playing with their hand held devices, very many elderly. If they had been there, they were the one's coughing. Of course, from this, I took close observation of my surroundings, for something wicked, something from close by literally stroked my lower thigh then I heard a sinister chuckle. It came off as close, then waved outward as if heard from afar.

I've never saw anyone close enough or heard such a horrible voice in my life. It felt so familiar, the sort that my sense could only quell with an alerting hint. To fucking run! But when I convinced myself there was nothing but my imagination. The walk to the bus stop continued, except I my eye couldn't help yet look everywhere that something familiar could be spy from. However, nothing was there, or in the least what these eyes could have been able to witness at that time.

Thinking, a shadow was seen upon the rooftop of a nearby building. Surely, upon these sort of business and apartment sorts. There were the security personal, yet that hadn't been what I saw. Felt, and found to be tormenting me this day. Besides, there were no souls in the least on any of the buildings near this particular bus stop. Nor did any of the other people on the other rooftops gave me notice, as the night came over the island in full. Hearing the bus's unmistakable engines, I turned around. A hand in my purse, holding the hand gun for comfort. As the dagger flew about around me, yet at the time. It must have been not worth even viewing to have been in existence. Because the chill, crawling up and down my being. As I tried to walk for the bus. Pure panic, held me strongly.

Steeping in front of the bus, by a few feet. I found, it began to move forward. The daman thing, was driving without me and into me. Even though, I was in plain sight of everyone. So as the shouting for them to stop began. Already, I'd been run down. Under the bus, squinting my eyes. While the unbearable pain never did come to exist. In the end, of being ran over by a bus. I only dirty some of my clothes. As with my purse, bastards. Yet in the mist, I sort of lost the realization. That none of my abilities were used at that point. So, everyone should have been able to both see and hear me. Not to mention, the most obvious fact. Why didn't I get hurt after the bus ran me over? What stopped it? At such a time, there was another realization. Who had been following me, would have to had been responsible. Which turned out to be the most obvious case overall.

Besides thinking, then and now. Why does all the weird shit always seem to plague me? Then the thought, here and then, came along. Replying in myself, at least life's not boring. Which can't be argued with in the least.

While on the dirty street, where my already aggravated self just yelled out the frustration. Looking about to confirm what I had just explained. No blood, reaction that I'd had been hit if even existed, no screams for the bus to stop. Even the persons upon the rooftops were more or less, dazed off in another world. I even screamed up into sky for their attention. Nothing cam from it, except feeling embarrassedly foolish. Going insane, talking to myself. That's until, the notice of my hearing was not only off but entirely gone. Soon, even my voice diminished into the mind that spoke it. With no tapping of these heels, no voice, or even the silent night's breeze. I felt crazy, or getting close to blowing my lid. Until, the whispering of my name from afar. Looking about, there it had been. Just standing upon its two legs, tail wagging, narrow head, short arms of sharp talons at its sides, and that dark reptile skin huddled around those fucking red eyes. Worst of all, my stalker, stood in the middle of road near the bus stop. On ground level, just as I. Whispering my name, while hidden by the shadows.

Though the shadows, seemed unnatural, numinous street lights were being suppressed. More or less, that had to be the case, giving me even more evidence. That my stalker reptile's abilities were beyond my own comprehension. As I, in response angrily tried to converse. Then as it yawn in boredom, my sanity left in the subtle breath of its sharp white teeth. I ran towards the beast, without any feeling in my being. Not even sure if I had been running, raising a fist, concentrating aura. Doing everything I knew how, in order to fight this stalker of mine. And yes, far as I know, that's exactly what I had done. As with the little sense and voice within me screaming, 'STOP FOOL!!', irrationally ignored every word. Inside and out, only frustrated anger released itself. With foolish haste, just the same. Determined to bring the beast down, answer when spoke to, and other idiotic desires that never came.

Throwing all my weight into that particular fitting punch, at that fucking large narrow nosed face. It simply stepped aside. Nearly causing me to trip over my own feet upon on the street. As it began to chuckle at me, I threw my foot backwards in a spinning motion. Landing with both feet on the ground, still standing, it continued to have moved again. In a matter of minutes or a bit more. I'd been out of breathe, exhausted, it only chuckled at my attempts. Even clapping its three long fingered hands together.

No matter the amount of effort I put into my motions to take the creature down. Nothing resulted positively, only more anger. Helplessness, and worry of its counterstrike. Which never came. Next I know, I'm chasseing him down the streets. Nearly falling over as it continued to chuckle, looking and staring at me. While skipping along from rooftop to rooftop.

Soon, the feeling of reality returned. With all feeling, hearing, etc. The creature had vanished, the time was now past curt view. And I was a doors away from home. So, my pursuit turned out to be completely meaningless. Only at this time, I noticed the dagger that had been flying about since the whisper. Now wondering why hadn't my hand grasped that weapon of destruction? What is this thing? Why does this reptile stalk me? But it all has come to a blank of an answer in the end. Leaving a subtle chill of still being watched, which fluttered into relief and comfort. Now, on the walk home and even now. Something was watching over me, from ahead. Fucking creepy, just so intermixed.

But trying to be more positive. What had been fond this day?

That the reptile stalker from the bleeding darkness was not an enemy. And I got a lot of my stress out by hopeless fighting such a thing. And in the end, found I should be strengthening myself not only through concentration. Yet, something even more, the very thing Brourge has stated again and again. The use of imagination with the soul, within. Your abilities could be virtually limitless, if focused correctly. Of course, that's not what he said exactly. However, without one's creativity, in life. You won't go far. Which its very true. He was always such a winner. If only, he had been more open and honest. For his bracelet would be worn, instead of George's.

June 10, 2137UH

I screamed during the night that I slept, for some reason I felt such pain. Both physical and emotional continuously blasted me without hesitation, even intermixing. Guilt had been this pain's name and the other was myself. The inner being that defines me. However this was only a dream, though painful, so why have I been worrying?

Why am I even writing this, could I explain to myself. I don't even remember the reasoning for these tears streaming down my cheeks. Nor why I continue to write in these pages that are of his. Some hopeless attempt to keep Brourge by my side, allowing him to read my struggles? Perhaps there something more to this feeling within seeming clawing at me as if reassembling ravage beasts. Could my other half, be fighting to let me know. That it doesn't agree with my decisions?. But why would I even consider such a thing as that being the cause, its ridiculous. There is no other self within, only me me me. Nothing more or less. Its all been manipulation, led on by my hope for it to being real. Wishing Brourge to have been the one for me, unfortunately he has done so much damage with all those impressive complex tricks upon me. I've detached myself from him thus far. I feel I'll be able to release myself from his grasp entirely if I continue this path. His disappearance will aid this process of healing with George. For the greater brighter future he wished for me. Then if he truly meant those words, it must be done in this manner or I will lose all sanity.

These tears needed to stop, so I tired. After masturbating and fantasizing George taking me so elegantly with a fist first, later finding time to cut myself. It all felt soothing, imaging the hate and frustration leaving my being as I heard the blood drip from the various slices upon my flesh. I did cry slightly more then before, though I reached my goal in this heart wrenching disturbance of a morning.

Though the pain was enjoyable and I would have continued, there needed to be a way for me to cover what had been self afflicted already. Who knows what George or my family would do if they realized that I engaged in such bizarre acts. With the already unsteady downed reputation, I didn't need anything else that might jeopardize me any further. And why I focused on my backside and arms, easily can keep a shirt on and other areas covered until they heal up in this coming morning.. With everything cleaned, and people wakening.

I went back to in my sheets, it hurt to lay down slightly. Hope this doesn't mess much with the day to come. Perhaps with George finally or I'll have to try and faceff again with my stalker for that actually caused me smile quite a bit, either way. I would be out of this house.

Upon screens outside only showed one execution after another, hours it went on though. I didn't pay much attention. Which I can't believe I did such a thing, so emotionless I mean.

I did spend the day with George. Saw in great detail his apprentice watch he wore. We had gone to the Exercise Station. Swimming contest, and just competition of one another. It so in depth designs engraved into the metallic gold colored hand watch. Speaking of time, I didn't know what the hands meant. He had to explain a bit, apparently. It was how people of the past used to do things, Brourge never ceases to amaze me. Telling me such lies, but with facts of truth. So I'll believe everything in all. Bastard.

Very soothing enjoyable day, spent with my lovely. As with those initiyals, who was the mentor of George Ganst? Who really controlled the advertisements I see everyday? No matter where I look. It did turn my head more then once. Yet in the end, just a wonderful mystery, added upon the list of solving tomorrow. What a laugh that is.

June 12, 2137UH

Again, this day. I've been doing nothing but allowing Brourge to fill my mind all manners. From intimate desires, conversing, comfort, guilt, love, hate, fucking bastard. Why did he break me so easily, why did I allow him!!

That bastard, bugging my room all this time, spending spys on me, using me for his own selfish personal uses, and worst of all. Eliminating the followers of the Iron Moth, loyal, loving, hard earning people. Just looking for the truth in life, how could he live on knowing the innocent suffered by his hands. The very hand I desired, wrote in the diary for. Which again, comes up with the reason. Why I continue to follow his rules on expressing myself in these pages. His is method better or something, more efficient.? Not sure, but I feel this is the best way, for the time being. There is more stress and pressure building in my life then even before. Releasing some, written with words no one will ever peer onto. Yet feeling as if your saying your mind, except no one will know. How is that no satisfying. So, I will continue to write. Even if this day turned out to be narrow, boring, and hateful. Since, I'm now writing when and how ever I wish. This is for me, exploring myself. He should be happy for his women to be taking such initiative.

However, I attacked myself for thinking such negative thoughts about him. During the day, while excising vigorously in the failed attempt to forget all that was happening in my life. I nearly over exhausted myself in the process, the pain felt desirously addictive as always. Stumbling home nearly half asleep, thus transporting myself into the hallway of my bedroom. I leaned upon the shelf of personal belongs from Brourge himself to me. Breathing uncontrollably, heavily, trying to stand yet unable. Within seconds, accidentally knocked one object off. That very same memorable object of Brourge's, that was graciously given and I humbly accepted. Without any questions or thoughts of why, only amounted absolute trustfulness in our every exchange. Now such answers have been revealed to my eyes and knowledge of where I was situated in his life, they were most certainly clear.

The jellyfish, had fallen. Hitting the floor, creaking open slightly. At such a point, it blasted me. An aura came from the item within the jelly sculpture. Another one, another spying device, just when I feel things could be fixed. He planted another in my home. Yes, a mini camera sat within, looking out of the jelly through one way mirror material. At me, it was powered through a distant aura of my love. No one else knew me at the time. Brourge had been the only capable of this treachery. Seems, we need to talk. Him and I, that's if we ever meet again. Bastard!

Speaking of which, had another switch moment on the free day. That used to be reserved for only island meetings. Its nice not to feel hate, when walking into a room. Letting sweat roll down your face while in the company of previous friendly persons. Which you knew all your life. it's a wonderful feeling. Yet the switch moment, not that bad, just I couldn't step on my blue carpet in my room. Had to use a sheet, or anything blue it seemed. Lucky the Exercise station had less then anything white or plan. Except for near lying going into shock when trying to both get up and go to bed that day. By which I mean, suffering a heart attack or stroke. So two days of exercise, aura concentration, daily chores, and hang briefly with he family. Oh, finding the little surprise in the box, fucking boring day.

Another mark against my love, he'll be gone soon. I fear. Why is he being such a careless fool, why?

Terrorist of any other for sure, which I hit myself for thinking none the less. What an idoit I've been, trusting another. No wonder, until now, have been completely single. Pure, untouched by any means of another. The first time I jump into the world. I'm beaten down into a conflict of unusual circumstance. It figures.

June 13, 2137UH

Today was, quite bruise forming day. For I announced a certain something to my family, this very night during dinner. That I no longer was with Brourge, he was only a past memory. Naturally this night we continued to all have a wonderfully bonding discussion about this whole event taking place, everyone was there, and awake. Or it seemed that way to me. Older sis, younger brother, mother, and father. They wanted to know why a sudden change of heart, why bring it up now. Since they already forbad him and I being together anyhow. I vaguely explained a few things that ultimately decided our relationship's fate, some lying involved of course. But all went well or at least by my planned accomplishments. They believed that the bum of a bastard was no more.

Not sure what gave me the courage this day of any other. Though I know one thing, it did accomplish. A step closer to my freedom from my past lover. Less stress, guilt, dreadful feelings of abuse for his image to be under siege. Never the less, in my room under the dark shade in the sky. While alone, I pummeled my being in full, with every anatomy, even my aura concentration. Simple reasoning had followed before hand. To lie of Brourge was unlikable, to betray Brourge was beyond rational reasoning. Even worse, as in the fact that he does not know of what's to come of us. More now, what we already are to be. After another, most brutal beating upon myself this night. I felt every portion of my being ache. My little brother walked in to see in such a wreck of bruises, tears, and blood, on my nude body. Though at first I smiled when he saw me. It was actually such a frightening embarrassment and pleasure of arousal, such a shocked feared battered expression.

All I knew, was to act fast, though I regret what did to him. Throwing him up against the wall, my grip tightening sharply around his throat. I threatened him, if he said anything about this matter to anyone. Indistinctively, this all occurred before my conscious self realized what happened. Then he tripped walking away, out of my room into his own down the hall.. With tears and fear in his eyes, not able to say a word, only trying move further and further away. Soon, my own eyes, could only tear up in self hatred. Just getting into bed after wiping myself off, in depression.

I realized what I am this day, crying myself until unable to do so anymore. Feeling utterly alone. Fearing that I might become something I swore at one time to eliminate from humanity, a monster of demons. I spent today trying to read, thinking, focusing my aura, and exercise. Without meeting anyone of interest, to talk with or even beat down. In the end, this day was a waste. I hoped for a letter to come along. From George or even Brourge. However, I knew there had been no chance of anything. As only a empty boxed remained from morning till this very night.

The image of my little brother's face blew up in my mind over and over again. How I spoke such words of threatening despair into his being. The repeating harshness plagued me till I finally faced myself. In the bathroom. Cutting my flesh with the dagger in my mind. This had been severely, not just for enjoyment either. Perhaps had successes in trying to apply self punishment and shamefulness. Though within who I am, I'm so lost, so confused in this maze of a life. I just don't feel what to do anymore, does it even matter?

Then George popped into my mind. While cursing myself for the being I've turned out to be. In the eyes of myself and all others. But speaking of my love. We'll be having dinner at this house or his own place. With the family invited for a wondrous time. Perhaps he will succeed when Brourge failed. Gaining approval of both friends and family. After such thoughts of cheer, washed over me. Its what's soothed, the emblazed soul within. It will be keeping my mind off things for the day is near. I'm more then sure, it'll

Prove diverting in this hell I call my life.

June 14, 2137UH

As expected, all those wounds of the night before have vanished indefinably. Yet the wonderious memory remains as with the achievement. Brourge being thrusted a bit further away, my guilt for him is fading. Its just the feeling I'm getting. But, the only thing to have been endured thus far. Those dreams of hell, pain, without rest. Just nonstop, eight hours of pain. In the nights of such extremity. I always get up later. As its shown, yet nothing to be concerned about much. Just exhausted, then again, when awaking falling into reality. The energy fused in me, then, is just divinely interactive. As if anew. If only those dreams of violence and pain, self inflicted naturally. Were not existent to heal this body of mine. Would make me less hesitant to kill or ravage others in my path of life. Who knows anymore, I might have no choice soon. They might be coming for me in full numbers. No spys or just small groups to hunt the queen of beasts. Funny thought it was this morning.

Considering I hung around the house all throughout the day. Helping out more then usual, and wearing such a smile of such. Yet, besides arousing their suspicion. We all seemed to really enjoy our time together. Calling George a few times, and rarely getting a call. Regardless, preparations were getting on the way. Ensuring the night would not disappoint, nor would he. My new love, in life. Which only fueled the energy that surfaced throughout this day at our house. They were acting unsteadily at times, as I hadn't been their child. Later, my sis informed me. All the cheer and love sort of snagged them in such uneasiness. It had been unusual to see me in that state. I must agree, but not the days ahead. A new me, will emerge.

Before the time of dinner, which sort of lost me. I hadn't been keeping track till this day. So, staying about was the only way I found it could have been done properly. Bringing up the question of having dinner at my man's apartment in celebration. They were all a bit surprised, sis more overall then the rest. However, they obliged quickly and calming. So with a quick call, George had been over by the house. Picking us all up. Then zipping off, informing me that my few friends have been situated at the apartment already. During the drive, minimal introductions were made between us. Except for my bulging excitement overflowing into the night surrounding us. George's servants helped us, in greeting. Up, into the apartment we went. I had been very surprised the car we drove in, opened more seating in its back end. With only a simple push of a button, oh George is wondrous.

At a large fold out table, new to the apartment from when I had been there last time around. We sat around, metal of sparking gold and silver. Fancy, flashy now existing lightning with decoration lit the apartment. Apparently, my love, was going all out for me. The color I became at such realization. If only the lights had been off, no one around, I would of showed George. Quite the appreciation, for such a wonderful night. As it had been just that.

His servants, cooked the food. Naturally, as with serving us from time to time with entertainment. Dancing, games, etc. More or less, the dishes served were divinely tasteful. As with our drinks carrying magnificently exploded flavor I never knew existed. My family and friends. All agreed, both then and in the later night. That George was the man for me. Government or not, which did squiggle their opinions. Then again, Brourge came around. Setting things straight, thank god he existed.

Yet, in the night. My older sis, found me and informed the truth. She knew, I had split feelings. That she'd be watching out for me always. Wishing the Iron Moth had a greater life for me that what she had. As for my younger brother, he was easy to manipulate him a bit more. I blanked his memory of what occurred. Cutting myself, which didn't even come into my mind this night. Besides when writing this here.

We also announced I'd be moving in with my lovely. They allowed it.

George of finally became my loving man this night and forever replaced the old Brourge.

Phrase the Iron Moth!

June 15, 2137UH

Today, there was a island wide announcement, from our glorious community leaders. On their little loud speaker device. They decided to open up all school systems. Which means, not only will the buses be back up and running, Yet, along with, exams, seeing those people, and of course practice for the games match against the rival Government Academy. Yup, several times in the morning, afternoon, and night. The announcement aired, over the winds we heard. Fucking annoying, at least this meant the buses would be up and running in a greater quality. At least I thought such, and no. Public places were still closed to the commoners. Like myself, so only me and few noble fellows would be around as always. Just my luck, oddly enough. I feel horrible, in drastic need to just talk with someone. Besides my family, George, or even Brourge. My social life does need dire improvement. After all, only natural, ascending to something greater then I once had been.

Still, why am I still thinking about using the buses? The people who have always used them, and or are around me. Hold such a despair for myself. That it wouldn't matter how much I wanted to be social. It would end up in hate, tears, or more unnecessary death. Perhaps worse, revilement of who as with what I am. I could always just transport anywhere, anyhow. Why use a bus, which I did try. Wasn't thinking clearly this morning. Which George happened by, got a lift with my love. He was to be my teacher for a few classes. On the way to school, oh the topics discussed. Skies the limits, yet at the end. I can't recall what had been spoken of. Nothing more then a happy positive memory, at least that's all that's been remembered. We with he becoming a full time Military teacher in most subjects. As the educations on the island have been executed or fled from the violence. Thus many were needed, more then provided to reopen.

Now that the word, execution , I couldn't watch the news or Minformation at all. The screen, gave me witness to the many deaths. Being carried out, every traitor to the island leaders. Who were suspected conspirators in the conflicts toward islanders. Tried to run, hide, kill many, etc. My family couldn't get from the screen. While I sat in the kitchen listening to the birds singing. Outside our window, so soothing. Because in reality, my blood. It was rosined by the deaths being heard from the other room near by. I knew it, which had been why. The decision to stay away was accepted. Nature has such mystic ways, clamed me enough to get ready for the new reunite charting day ahead. Which it had been.

One surprise after another, firstly, our school. Barely held even twenty five percent of the people it held at one time. Before all this terrorism, Civil War nonsense came into play. Jenny, was the first to climb her imaginary self. Into the realms of my reality, sitting in the empty seat next to me. Listening to George Gasnt. Teach up, inform us on the present situation. The next odd thought, had been. Would, my closest friend, Jenny. Would had given acceptance on my man before us. George, I mean. Would that had kept her close by. I know, things have gone out of whack. But Jenny, was not a bad person. She's been there for me. No matter what, maybe even now. Watching over me, ensuring I don't end up on the wrong side in life. That thought and George's voiced smiles passed the oddness away.

But, the most bizarre, how people treated me. They addressed me as a superior to them, or in the least acted as such. Fucking odd and yet relieving. Perhaps, having George. Is what I needed all along. I had finally found new people, they wanted to be friendly. Hang out, and what not. No rube comments, stares to freakish sightings, hate, tears. Just wow, this day truly does mark. My new life emerging. Filling a future Queen of this might world, starting with Sheen Que Corporation.

Yet looking back at this day. Why would a Government personal be working at a Military education facility? Why are only Nobles allowed to walk the city streets? Why are there more dead of the Military then Government with sickness of cancer? I was informed, or we had been enlightened. That the academy we went to will be under construction. Putting in top of the ling operating improvements so the building could operate more effectively. George even mentioned this. After a little fuck about in his car, in the drivers seat. We took the long way to my home, guess he couldn't take just some suction while at the wheel. Anyhow, when the introduction day for the future school system ended. Reopened and remolded it was, using strictly Government technology. And suspiciously was being paid by the very same people who designed such material.

Suddenly, I get the feeling, the UHEG or Government is taking over Sperack. Regardless...

I'll be keeping my eyes and ears out, I won't allow this to stand on my homeland. Even more so, them taking it from us for their own personal gain. Putting in vain, the many who sacrifice for the land. Not to mention, that mysterious group who saw me in the hospital. Killed the people of Government decent while laying in their beds. They might be making a move too, I should be prepared for that. it's a Civil War, after all.

In the least, people are respecting me as they should have, a long time ago. Things are getting better.

June 20, 2137UH

I've noticed something peculiar perhaps only myself it bothers. Yet, I feel good about the shift. In the time and days I've written my entries in the pages of such a diary as this. No longer have I been focusing on the weekend. Only skipping about, as I had mentioned. If I recall, and have conformed after reading back some time in the dates. But I will be keeping a mathematical rhythm, makes it feel somewhat familiar. Guess, no there is no assuming to be made. Just flat out, this is the new me. Why not make this portion of life more interesting. It feels so damn weird and yet, being out of place. Yet, nothings been sensed at being so uncomfortably right. Might be losing my mind, no, not possible. Only becoming who I've always been meant to be.

Now as for the weekend, I skipped over a bit as with the entire week. Firstly, got a letter or two from my beloved George. However, Brourge persists to be but a memory. Of course the letter came with the signature forum information for me to live in his apartment. Had to filled and filed. Legal paperwork, though usually boring. I couldn't help but find it all so marvelously suspenseful. I was to actually move out, for the first time. To live with the man of my life's desires. Which the letter transferring took place many days ago. I have the okay this very Thursday. In fact, he had another arrangement made. As we would be moving into a completely different house then the apartment. As in having room for some space to ourselves. Which worked out nicely, not much arguing over that there or here.

However, the moving into the house where George lives now. Which happens to be in the city still. And is an apartment, just a taller building. With one person or family per floor. With the moving equipment and service people, things were going great. Till, after a lovely fuck. Upon our bed, or his. More or less, we agreed to share. Yet, when it came up about having social space, of any sort. He disagreed, only when he allowed it. I could go out or even talk with anyone. Brourge, Jenny, teacher, my family just the same. It just spiraled out of control from there. Luckily I didn't bring much into our household in the city. On the first day. More of just material belongs. SO I had my old bedroom still around. So I had to sleep over with my family, another sad lonely night. That had been the first relationship sort of fight. I really even remember at all for a long long time. Oh, the agony of pain, what should I had done to keep the peace? Why is my doing, who's fault had it been? Why did we fight in the first place?

As I feared something else is happening or about to happen, on Sperack. Being the Government are the masterminds. Its no wonder, George wants control of me. Then again, he's a slave trader after all. Should of known all to well what would of happened. If I ever defied him. Ironic, considering he loves being taken control of.

But that's where I sit this night. The only thing that continued into the night, had been executions carried out by the Island Community in front of our Iron Moth statue. Couldn't believe there are unsought to last from the lightening hours into the darkness of night.

Oh, almost forgot about the rest of the skipped time of such a building useful week. Firstly, a mother and her son. Stopped me, on the streets, when I decided to walk home from school. They were mocking my pale Asian skin, being a clone. Why I got the rights to even walk among them being a freak. Couldn't believe such a little child, could have been thought such horrible evilness. Such as sexism and racism, I think that's the wording they used back in the day. Before unnatural occurrences happened. I did something funny in my head, while stopped by those two people. Besides getting a bit upset, blacking out, the dagger jumped about. I mind you, it was still light out. In full view of the public. These people were ridiculing me.

I found my hand upon her shoulder, my eyes were linking into her own. She saw what I desired. As those very desires were of pain and forcefulness. Pushing my portions into her, screaming in agony, being. In a split second before my advancement of such a fantasy began. I'd already shoved them out of my way. Running down the street, into and around a corner on the opposite sidewalk. Ensuring I couldn't see them. Hear, or anything that could give my sense a reason to proceed further. Slowly, I'm both gaining self control and losing sanity. What the fuck, is a freak, am I, really? Brourge needs to at least answer me that much. If he ever returns. I need more training on my aura and overall soul's ability within this being. Everyday is just not enough anymore. If I'm to ever be a queen of humanity. It must be down.

Speaking of fearful situation in public view. While on the bus, going home from George's new apartment. The stalker's jingling sounds occurred again, this day. I wonder what it all means?

_-June 21, 2137UH

This was the calmest of days, this week. Maybe even this entire month. It wasn't in the least bit boring. No violence, splattering blood, rotting bodies, mystical animals and sightings. Not even George or Brourge, nothing of the Military or Government. Just peace, elegantly shared relaxation with my family. It didn't matter if they disagreed with me. We're indifferent when it comes to classes. They have raised me since childhood, shielded myself from the island community. Been there when everyone else turned their back or worse. Grabbed a weapon of sorts to distinguish me from their lands, for their lonesome selfishly crafted beliefs. This is my family, where I belong. I've only risen, through nature's hand. Into something greater then they, but I'm in their blood line. Carry their last name next to mine. Its just something I'm not going to argue about. George is going to have to understand, without my family. I'll die next to them, if necessary. Just expressing their value and worth in life. Reassuring myself, indefinitely on this issue.

Not sure what exactly changed my view and opinion about family. Particularly, my own. Why their judgment means so much. Had it not been for them, George and I would be together in arms. Why have I risked such a thing, my further for these people. The very same that sit and watch screens all the time. Wasting their lives away, expressing truly their commoner heritage. Well, it means nothing more, at this time. Its been settled, finally.

As for the day, this one. We went along, traveling the island. Near the lighthouse. Enjoying the sights and sounds of the blue clouded sky. The waves, that birds mimicked flying about. As we all had a eating out upon the beach. Unfortunately, we did see the house. The burned ruins of Jenny's home. I tried to drift us from the place of mysterious purposes. However, we all decided to go exploring. Enjoying the time together. Bonding greatly. We joked and laughed about. Playing with the sands and old house. It was wonderful that my older sis planned this day for us. It was a needed vacation from the hard life. That's emerged into flames of unmistakable hardships. She called it a picnic, something rather new to myself. Eating on a large sheets upon the sands, as the sun shined down over us.

I did surprise them to. Using my abilities slightly. Concealing myself, then appearing when they least expected it. Saying few little words during that time, just to allow them the understanding I was there. Which they felt I couldn't have been. They only laughed and huffed over it. The expressions on their faces were priceless. The large eyed, sort of shocky act. Followed by conversations of openness. Father and mother telling stories of their pasts as did my older sister. Never knew sis had left the island before. Apparently she was over on the main land helped many of the Military officials in medical situations. During the warfare and conflicts that used to ravage Earth's surface. Father and mother had always lived on this rock. Were worried about sis being drafted into the war. But they had to provide some assistance. Either them or her, since I was on the way. The choice was already decided, by my older sis.

My younger brother came along after me, since father was able to continue his career at the power plant. Which was where he worked his entire life. Advancing up the rank of command. Sadly, his entire life and career only amounted to one rank below the one he's always desired. They continue to tell him, he'll never be allowed to organize the entire power plant. That's reserved for certain types, his words not theirs. They only fed his hope. Yet he knew they only wanted to use him. My mother, took care of the house. Used to work at a few shops in the city mall. At apartment buildings, for security. Surprising enough she used to be quite the bodybuilding sort. Or in the least handy with a weapon. Gun or otherwise. Guess I should keep my purse away from them. What would they think, if one of their daughters was to be found with a loaded handgun in her purse. I still feel its not time. Mother decided to stay home after getting enough cash to send my older sis and myself into schooling. Which I'm quite grateful about.

However, sis couldn't get a job. Of any sort, nothing legal. She's actually just a street girl, I think that's what she stated. More or less, prostitution. Her husband demands it, as he works a bus for the island's roads. She makes a decent living though. About the same as her husbands bus route. Yet I know she's hell of a lot smarter then I. Never had her life threatened though. Cause she's been quite the sneaky fox, not allowing herself to get caught up in a situation that might lead to death. Then again, she only plays with a few customers daily. Again, very decent cash flow. Fucked up though, just because the entire medical career is controlled by the Government. She couldn't stay in such a job, helping the wounded. Which they never explained that further. Since I thought this was suppose to be a Military island. Why does the Government control so much, why is a major UHEG corporation's headquarters here on the island.

My little brother, hopes to join the higher ups on the Military ladder on the island. Not sure about that dream coming true. Since the place is being burned a bit more on a daily basis. Regardless, this had been a grand day spent with my family. We even played some older games, on a board. Using all sorts of mini cards as with plastic tokens. Not sure what actually was going on, only my folks were happy to see such a relic. Apparently, they were ancient.

As for my school and little brothers, it had been taken care of. With a little call by my older sis or parents. Not sure which, providing information of sickness. A simple excuse, worked like a charm. As for the rest of the day. I was locked up in my room. Concentrating my aura, ensuring I didn't lose any time. I must become greater, now that I have this opportunity. Feeling George's bracelet upon my arm, I only pondered about us. Hoping things were to heal. As I know, they will, my sense is becoming a bit more accurate these days. Must be my concentrations for such a time, its working effectively.

_-June 22, 2137UH

Talk about a boring morning, all the Minformation showed was one execution after another. Government types carried out the deaths many more Military then their own. Yet, as the taking of life has brought my blood too a pumping urge of pleasure. The manner in which the executions been taking place, using that little pen sized laser weaponry. it's a boring sight, after the first twenty witnesses. Mainly over the Minformation at home, but some public screens were viewed, others were observed in person. However, the lack of blood, twitching, or anything sound except for a little lit ray. There's no show basically, hopefully I'm not the only one who's giving a sigh about it. Perhaps it might change then, if the right people hear and take action.

It sucks, without Brouge or George, the only thing I have are the killings by the island community and schooling. Even that been getting old, and fast. Or else, I'd enjoy some peace, without the damn Military Academy threatening and calling my phone with expulsion. But come on, their staff is beyond minimum as with the classes. We're not even learning from the books anymore, just some films being wacthed instead. School days are cut in half, so have the useless credits been crippled, no home projects or studies. Just a waste of time, we've even stopped training for the Sickle Stadium games. Which had been something I also used too look forward towards. Get some of my unused energy out and just feel alive! Yet no, I sit in a class with people I despise and who feel the same for me. While a Civil War continues raging with burning

flames.

Again the only reason I figure that school is where I'm usually at, is without Jenny, who my eyes keep a lookout for. That one older teachers who cured my father, hes no where either, even the library security guard has vanished without even a person asking, "Where?". It just bothers me, why did they leave me, what did I do? Was it me, or had it been another thing I've not become aware of yet. So night out on the island, sexually thriving, flourishing my urges into such a magnificent satisfaction. Fantasying of my boys, mainly Brourge though, in his roughly vigorous taking motions of whatever he pleased. While George pleasantly served without a word or question, only doing so. Which I feel shameful even having to admit, but there's no one else. Trust, able too express, reflect, and grow from. Realizing how this whole life things works, guess that's what I miss about Brourge most of all, beyond the obvious of course.

My regret of losing Brourge over George would be for many things, including pleasure of be loving intimacy and that confident cruelty. Its just something my chosen man can't really handle much on his own. So naturally, I'm usually left unsatisfied most if not all the time. Even if the control over my little pet might suffice in a sense the others are lost entirely. Even the sex, has nothing when compared with the sensational pleasures that Brourge brought into my world. I assume that's why its my greatest and most desired activity too be sent with my ex loving using bastard. My mind still wonders about what his connection and my own may have been. Might be pulsating, shaking me too wake up and face the reality I fucked up. Yet he'll never take me back, if he knew the truth. Was it though, the thing that satisfied me, which is now why its desire still longs for what won't be found.

As for this day, George and I were meeting up to heal our relationships damage which had been caused by a fight. Though I'd rather not think about that, much if at all. So I spent my day alone while the family had been out and about. Mainly binding my time trying to cool off my urges, before he arrived. Which with a knock at the door. Brourge stood before me, no one else in sight on this cloudy dark stormy day. "Quite the welcome home, my Switch", then Brourge laughed as I stood there in stupefied disbelief. He came back early, George was on his way. What the fuck happens now? How could we leave without disrupting my relations with my current lover? Well, it went in an odd direction, one I never thought could have been possible.

"Quite the welcoming Switch", he laughed, as I mean Brourge laughed and held me up against the near by wall. His touch seemed enough to pool me over into his arms which I deeply longed for nightly. Especially in that state of mind during the time, aroused beyond words. Let's just say, I enjoyed myself to the fullest and loved every second of it. Yet so much guilt followed afterwards, into writing this and the lonely night. That I'd betrayed Geroge, then again I've just realized we had actually broken off our relationship thus it didn't matter so the cheerful returned. If I'd known back then this day, would of made the entire wild experience in the cave that much more invigorating. And just too spend some time with Brourge brought back all those wondrous experiences of another nature....not only when he surprised me here at home. Yet later in the day.

While Brourge got a refreshment I went upstairs and cleaned up and dressed myself. Then after calling George to cut off the meeting for today and rescheduled it for the 27th of this month. George had been very pissed for the most part, yelling over the phone as I beeped it off. Joining Brourge downstairs again, we spent time in the living room, sitting down, having a bit too drink (nonalcohol), with some snaky crackers.

Mentioning how surprised I'd been of his return, thought he'd be back in at least another few weeks. At which point he explained the reason he returned so early. No longer was there a need for him to be over on the mainland or anything else for his family dealings. So coming back, he wanted to ensure me that I was secure and safe. Such words, brought out the shameful elegant one deep within, several times I blacked out and became conscious with Brourge in all sorts of positions of intimacy and conversations. Though what a fulfillment it had been, throwing me around, the bruises of my flesh, gripping them with such viciousness finally I felt such pleasure and satisfaction that I lost some time ago. What did he have that George didn't I wonder now, what even came over me I shouldn't of done it. Every time I tried to ask any sort of question he would blurt me out, or I would be moaning at his diversity of touches with those lustful fingers we shared throughout the houses many structures. Though no sex, that I recall, unfortunately grand, he's able too do so much more the others. Without the male member below or even sex itself, wondrous now that I think about it.

Eventually, during our private session of homecoming, police lights and badged knocks were on my door. After we confirmed these people there we continued, further, messier, deeper, as the police from the outside began pushing inside. We only moaned and explored a bit further, as their commands of authority feel upon deaf ears. Before they broke down the door, Brourge's support with myself opened the doors, windows, and every other entry into the house. As the police carefully stormed into my household as we shared love. Brorurged asked if he wanted us too vanished elsewhere for a whole new style of entertainment. I agreed willingly with high smile across my face, as he dry humped me into orgasm. Then I blacked out as shouts by police officials entered into the living room.

Waking up, I took in my surrounds in deep strides, I'd been utterly lost without a clue again. It was a darkened place, stone sculpted walls, traces of sand littered the floor, upon the ceiling was nothing to be seen except an empty space that continued on and on and on upwards into sky above. Which happened too filter in shades of light which lit my way down a trail. The only trail actually, it became difficult as clouds rolled on by. Yet that's where my abilities came in, quick scan and there I went without a thing missed. Walking along the tunneled trail away from the deadend. What about Brourge, maybe even the police I thought then. They must of gone with us, if not all, perhaps a few in the least. Maybe another test by my lovely, figures...as that's what it'd turned out being. Though with a very enticing twist that I enjoyed above all else. Inducing death by my lover's wish, the sensation had been almost as priceless as the bloodshed itself. The mixture of both, quite the fucking cocktail, indeed.

Finding noises at the tunnel's end, I peeped down over the edge. Yet keeping my distance, the sun shined brightly from time to time, allowing me to both be seen as with seeing clearly the commotion below. Brourge's voice and had been spotted overlooking and calling out "Prepare yourselves!" too all of the police at my house a few hours ago. More or less, the time frame's different in the cave, which had been where we'd been. For some reason, watching all of the police members of both sexs fight one another. Seems more then intriguing for me, so I plunged down into the large massive pit from which they all awaited my presence. At the jump down, over twelve feet, didn't hurt at all. No sprains, broken bones, just walked up behind my lover.

While he continued his speech too the people before us. Soon their training seemed turning into a brutal unrealistic battle of waging roars. It'd been later that I'd been told they were imbued with a few of the souls of the cave. They volunteered themselves for a battle, using the police host as they too agreed. Fight to the death as more a chance of surviving then just being killed. There were twelve officers, I did feel something strange about them at first. Then after Brourge leapt up too the ceiling of the cave. He shouted down to us all, "Begin!"

Only then did their feeling blaze out of their fleshy begins, as if they were all going too explode. They were powerful, that's all I have too mention. Which makes sense, again, souls from past warriors found their way of inhabiting these poor souled bodies. At first thought they were enslaved into fighting me, seem they knew death had been coming after all. That the sensation flowing through them, the power alone fed their "something's" they were truly enjoying themselves in their waging war. Which incidentally included me, though again being unaware. I been knocked into the wall. Yet not placed unconscious, though the experience still rivets through me. Can't recall many details, blurring lights of adrenaline rushed highness that imagine had been crafted for in achieving. Though this had been reality itself, shared between the thirteen of us and in betted souls.

As for the events after landing on my ass, as the many of them closed in around me. I took a quick walking dodge about at my twelve opposing forces. Lets see, one had a white striped orange haired fox's head sticking out of their sliced up clothed body's backside. Its adorable eyes looking at me, with only its head, ears, and eyes showing. Creepy yet adorable. They were the ones who I had been dodging at first. Running away as they slowly followed. Only trying to hit me with their fists.

The group of eleven, slowly worked their way towards my running beat at them. They all had assortments, portions of animals, objects, within their being or they had replaced their being human body shaped molds. A bear, literally towering over me. A few held viney plants over and into their bodies flesh. Horse part animal warriors, sword carriers, magic things of sparking sights, and overall hideous abominations of monstrous half released soul harboring fools. Just fucking bizarre stuff.

The excitement in me, had rose into such an overwhelming state of mind. I lost track of myself, through a darkening mist that covered my eyes line of sight partly. As if about too blackout yet not doing so, it had been peculiar. Yet, overall an excellent event upon the battlefield, the blood lust had been enough for me. Yet I had too hold back, this was Brourge's testing after all. To see what I'm capable of, showing my love for fighting would diminish all of the reputation I seeded into the mind of my love. Violence is a horrible thing, only defending yourself or future well being of others is it appropriate for death to emerge. This is one of those times, yet it could mean my final sexual penetration by my love, even if George took me first. He shouldn't be ale to tell, right? How much of a difference could there be between a virgin and non virgin? Broruge might be willing, this was too be it. Sadly the surprise had been flattened. Never the less.....

the police eyed me up and charged with their full might, then some also tried escaping the pit but that would only bring some sort of punishment onto myself by my love if I decided to quit, this could even be another stage I have to prove that I can achieve. Preparing myself I dodged ones attack then tripped hin to the dirt ridden grounds around us, then only awaited the next enemy, I only need to sedate these men, nothing more or less, no deaths, no blood if I can, I must remain pure. Show and overall prove I can easily handle these fools, humans trying to mock those such as us, they won't last long, I'll just ware them down until every bit of energy of theirs is drained out and I have been crowned the victor.

In my mind, I thought of this and more of how I was to actually execute a planned out strategy against these guys. Their inflamed passenger souls, inhabiting the beings before me brusted out when they charged towards me. Excited by not only the future bloodshed but more so the sexual conquests they might precipitate in after my defeat, such primitive beasts they are all were. What I saw coming forth upon my position was of great concern, in the very fact of not knowing or even recognizing such foul formulated figures of nature itself. There wasn't any difference from the actual foreign soul and the police officials that harbored them. The twelve coppers were beyond intermixed, in mid release of their barrowed soul formations.

Among the eleven souls before me. One horse bottomed person, legs kicking itself into gallops on the front lines for me. There had been another, the very same who wore the foxes head upon their backside now reveled itself though the neck's frontal position, with multi eyes and a fluffy white mane around itself. To my far left came forth a stealthy approaching carbon apple striped shackle skinned wolverine, climbing on the walls side. Behind the house guy, had been a multi eyed splitting shark flopping itself towards me from dirt ground. A normal looking copper, dazzled through their fingers a flipping dark rubberized orange coated screwdriver. Hat wearing man held a small portable blood dripping radio, with that hushing noise heard yet not his running footsteps nearing as the blood also ran up his holding arm. Clover twirled gentlemen with its overall look as if silver ice and forked in every strand that grew form his bodies heart. Another's body showed the small liquefied dirt formatted sea shell, that appeared and disappeared n their person. Fixed in a offensive style had been a broken streaming vine pooling sword covering his entire arm. A restraining dark yellow body leather suit, of zigzagged emerging bone covered another of my company. A women cop held a cocooned etched rigid wing flapping fur cap upon her head. Then the last of them, a long braded haired pineapple designed bear bloomed large and tall in the rush against me.

Naturally during my entire time of observation, taking in those surroundings, I had already taken haste readying myself upon their arrival. Locating my dagger, they were surely intimidating hosted souls. Even if most had been merely released half way, scary they were. Though Brourge said it best, the reason for me being so frightened had been the simple fact of not knowing what to expect form the things before me on the battle field. Which it showed, when we all clashed in that partly lit dirt bit at the cave's lowest of captive passageways.

I changed directions, holding the dagger in my left palm. The wolf upon the wall, nearing me had leaped forward once my attention had been clearly taken by its glorious physical appearance. My dagger and I shifted as the clawing paws and fanged mouth slashed the air near us. I thrusted forward, slamming into the beasts long shackled stripped neck, blood poured itself out in a spray. Jumping back the wolf itself, howled in a whimpering death as my daggers placement and penetration. Seemed as if poison, spreading from the initial wound throughout the body from which we hit. Full honesty, didn't know I could do anything like that. It had been fucking awesome! Though still a bit shaded, damn awesome non the less.

Unfortunately, as I witnessed in a smiling pleasure, nearly licking the blood off my dagger's blade and splattered arm. The half horse cop and flopping shark had been approaching quickly form my turned backside. I felt my way around, finding a bolder on the opposite side of my present situation. There I found myself, looking down upon two unsuspecting idiots, standing near one another. The bloody radio and orange screwdriver. They were such easy targets as I kneeled watching from behind as the others looked confused form my where about. There had been only one who had their eyes staring at me. The fully released multi eyed manned fox. Who watched far from my two targets nearest the bolder.

Unsure of the foxes intentions, I continued with a leapt down upon the ground, in a sprawl, between the unsuspecting fools. Spinning my feet, knocked them both upon the ground. They made little noise, as they felt the impact. I slammed my foot down into their throats. Both choked in pain, before passing out. Yet when looking about in a scan, the fox had disappeared. Unnoticing, my dagger was no longer in my hands grasp, yet just vanished. While my eyes and senses desperately sought out the dagger that no longer existed in this reality. The bear and shark achieved their toppling of me into the ground. Struggling with all my might they were beyond strength.

It was odd, feeling the hands and limbs of a human holding me down when I knew all to well over a thousands pounds worth of animal meat had me pinned. They tore off my clothes completely, part of me wished for a raping, it would of felt so real. However things never are that simple, are they?

Soon I'd been on my feet again, surprised as their own full blown eyes had been. Nude I was, yet unknowingly unaware at the time, bleeding without feeling, moving without desiring. Soon my hands preformed a fury of punches upon the shark, till its eyes were visible through its forced open jaws. I tore two handfuls out. Stomping upon the big shark's eyes as it flopped in squirming horror. The bear, damn fur ball whacked me into the bolder and kicked me in the dirt. While his finned accomplice wailed in utter screaming agony and devastation in sobering yells. While the bear pounded me in my wary state of mind, upon my stomach in the dirty ground. Till bruising occurred as with dripping blood felt, barely did I struggle simply plan as the useless efforts commenced.

Waiting for the right moment, enduing the repetitive beating from a smashing rock from above. I countered its massive stomping with a sudden kick upwards into its eyes. Then stood directly before its groin, hanging between its legs. Throwing all my might into one crushing thrust of my duel connected palms. Luckily, I had done so, the bear itself hadn't been phased for more then a few seconds by my eye directed hit. Needless to say, both of the bear soul and officer slammed into the ground behind itself with a horsed roar of agonizing regret, holding itself firmly blow the waist before passing out.

Speaking of which, that half horse person arrived at about this time from a angled approach. I kneeled on the ground with a few deep breathes before leaping up upon the bolder for a great defensive stance before its arrival at the time. However then came a constant eardrum racketing beep behind me, a blood drenched hand holding its bleeding radio, giving off that hushing sound. Found itself upon my left shoulder, turning upwards at its face of a deranged mass of tissue. must have been releasing still or just plain stuck. Regardless, the point had been, it held me kneeling down upon the ground. Before I could actually try pushing the bastard off. The house and screwdriver guy had halted before me. Embarrassing it still is, being outmatched. Underestimating the abilities of those enemy souls, shit! How could it hide itself and others from my knowing of being awake or walking a few feet from me? Foolish bullshit that is!

Soon the orange screwdriver found itself penetrated deep within my left breast and chest. Didn't feel it though, only after noting a dripping of blood did I look down and found the object wiggling around, digging further. Sudden pain began scorching me from within, as if it maneuvered past a extra layer of skin I hadn't known about. I felt the radio as if draining me there. My eyes began closing little by little, dizziness conjured itself, weaken all over my being, inside and out. As for the horse person, I found it breaking the bones in my legs. One section at a time, yet due to my current state at the time. The feeling that anything occurred hadn't crossed my mind. Even the dwelling screwdriver's pillaging dimmed completely from the scene. They were winning...

Who also approached me, which I had no idea what to do, my dagger dancing some distance past these abominations. As it slowed closer and near, I saw many of the other police officials looking for a way out of the pit, still. Again, quite the lucky streak for me, if they did attend I'd certainly had died. That dagger, both filled me with relief and anger at its presence. Pain had started itself back up, I screamed heavily without a pause as my heart felt it would burst. Unbearable as the agony that was set upon me, I lifted indistinctively my left hand as the dagger dangled before my face. Yet my god damn fingers didn't grasp before one of my enemies broke my hand into a poky bag of fractured bits. I believe Brourge descried that best as my other nature telling me something, which I do recall a anonymous sign. These police officers had ONE way of living, by defeating me. If I touch my soul and released myself their fates would all surely be sealed beyond any other departure from the cave.

Convincing myself these people made up their own fates when they agreed in fighting me, that they deserved death or would prove otherwise. And with that subtle thought, there I went, holding the dagger firmly between my finger tips. Sitting, a trace came over me. Blocking it all out from my physical beings sensational radar of feeling. Focusing only on myself, the screwdriver flung out of my being and must of hit one them before me. Though just in the midst of such an even, and a surprising "OUCH!" spilling from the idiots. I found myself with both eyes closed, yet not a blackout. All sound could now be heard, even with the bloody radio near me. Turning his frequencies up and down, nothing moved me. I didn't shown an ounce of leverage fro their desires.

I suspect, through aggregation, they continued beating me further. On my being, there wasn't any sort of identifiable pain merely myself rocking back and forth from where I sat comfortably in my own head space. Smiling even, as they smacked, trampled, stabbed, roared. It had all been heard, not felt except for the indirect effects of the backlash. Upon opening my eyes again. I had began releasing myself from that flesh bound prison. That wonderful large jellyfish formation, my arms extended outwards as my fingers became arms. While my toes, and legs split into more then a few more long tentacles. A large dome expanded from within my head, outward, just stretching further and further. Honestly the most awkward sensation, now that I recall. Never had I, till this day, experienced such a transformation fully. Now sure how that sounds or what it translates to. But that's what I recall drifting through my mind then and now.

Seeing all before me, from every direction above and below. With nothing on my mind except seeking ridding myself of weak emotions. Nor do or did I count this as using my dagger or anything like that, it was a skill they did not process self control. Soon I extracted my revenge upon the crowd of those trifle peasants of worthlessness as that dirt in this cave from which we fought upon at that time.

Their faces of astonishing amazement as my size continued to grow, beyond the nearby boulders size. I might have been double the rocks bulging goodness. The point had been, they began to take the defense. All of them, ran for cover and tried organizing a plan for my takedown. However, naturally there was not a second wasted, the shark which jumped upon my being many tentacles, drawing blood as I felt a slight stinging sensation. It wasn't much of an assault, but the wrapping about that little fishy. Strapping those extended appendages around and around and around. Till the finned fishy roared, while submerged with my fingers pulling it up into mid air and I hastily crushed with all my might. Releasing only blood intermixed with blotches of what had remained from police number 11's soul formation.

They ran as I shifted, step by step, till I eventually crushed every single one of those fools against the wall! The thrill of such a chase, beyond words to describe. Hmmm, sadly that's were I found one remained, the very same that knock me out unconscious. The fox, still sat upon the wall near by, watching the extermination. His, eyes upon that small fuly fit anamail body, blinked at me as I charged at it. Then with one single leap, disapered into the darkenss above us. Only at this time did the sunlight vanish from view, as did those raining lights of security. Even with my ability to see in dark, at that time, it was very creepy. My sense had been going out of control ever since noticing that little bugger had survived. Had gone unnoticed, unlike its others brothers and sisters. But my sense, just stopped completely. As if I'd been alone, yet there had been a sound. The sound of bursting flesh and bone, from which I slowly searched for.

Amidst the unseen darkness, there waved the little dust mite. Its feeling was unsensible, unobtainable, yet we stared into one another. I witnessed its existence before my very eye sight. The furry mane surrounds its entire heard waved to the invisible windy draft. The many eyes, grew larger and larger, until they formed nothing more then hallow holes. The hair and tails all puffed up and expanded as if in fear. The neck lengthen upon this creature, opening its mouth which stretched much further then any could.

An horrific amazement had been, as living teeth came bulging up near its opening of such a mouth. Bizarre, as all those points amassed into one drill sort of shape. In a flash, the fox had driven through my jellied flesh and swam while I panicked. Trying to reach the creature of devilish portions. I hadn't had a clue of what to do, though terrified I halted for a sound. Hearing something within this arena that had been odd, clouds from the darkness above a lighting bolts strike being passed down to us, each pass seemed to be giving off a longer and larger thundering roar as it etched closer. As I had moved about, finally being hit and blacking out unconscious.

Bourge had been by my side, when I awoke. We were laying in the dirt of the pit and there didn't seem to be anything a stirring. Only the darkness from outside, I'd been passed out for nearly six hours. He explained, as I rolled over, latching around his muscular chest and hips. Feeling his heartbeat, so sensation. Closing my eyes as we spoke about the recent events, before I zapped myself home a few hours before writing this entry.

Firstly, I'd lost the battle, underestimating my opponent. Only one of them, the fox, which he alarming shook us form the comfortable positions to inform me of something I just recalled. The victor of the match, had been a rare soul, that doesn't exist in the cave. But its shadow remains, thus its not living nor dead. Worse, it gets extremely aggravated when one mentions what it isn't. A fox, no, its actually an extinct species of such animal family. A Warrah had been the multi eyed manned fox's actual name, otherwise usually gets one slaughtered by such a thing. Apparently humanity killed them off in Ireland, a long time ago, that's all Brourge had been told when his own Mentor had enlightened him about the wondrous creature. Enasya Boe Sanithone, the warrah, hadn't been born with those abilities though. He'd died from the overwhelming curse of The Reptile.

I of coursed asked further, with my intriguement of this reptile thing of such rare legendary myths. I couldn't help but remember my own little scaled friend, could it be the same or am I insane already?

The story is simple about The Reptile, any who come into contact with the magnificent beast. Will be granted with unlimited energy and tremendously mutate into something more, hourly if not daily. It used to be a grand solider, according to legends. Though the curse, is just that, your life will be cut show as your body gains control over your mind. Just as The Reptile had, so many centuries ago, till its own power created an invariable shadow that spreads the same wondrous death which took its life. No one knows why, but it happens, still does to this day, rumors say. The Warrah, had lost his mind just as legends speak of such a curse. He killed everyone around him, till finally gaining control and had been able to end the nightmare. Killing himself, crying the tears that wept for those he killed with regretful under the curse's rule. Though he saved thousands more, or another from having to take him down. But, here the Warrah sort of remains. Some say, the curse gives the souls abilities beyond times restraints, so yeah time travel.

We shared a grand laugh, before we cuddled in a subtle clench between our bodies flesh. We chatted about a lot, making up for lost time. In the end I thanked him, that had been the most living experience in my days upon that battlefield. Though he mentioned, my methods were a bit harsh. Only one of the police officers were left alive, walked back home without a memory of the events. I was in shock telling him, there hadn't been any other way of handling the situation. That I tried subtle techniques in taking down my enemies. Speaking of the rushing high in battle, made me lose focus of halting myself from ensuring my enemy didn't try and hurt me. He was merely surprised as he watched from above, and charmed I enjoyed the time. That had been the purpose of the fight, only that I needed to perhaps gain a bit more self control. From which we kissed, and went our separate ways in the night.

I'd been shocked he didn't lecture me fully as always before. Instead, just a kiss, after a wondrous time together. Indeed, this must have been what my heart knows that George doesn't possess. My ex knows how to please me, fully without every missing beat. This sucks, cause Brourge is not longer allowed in my love life. I've pushed him out of my mind for good all together, he can't return, he's a criminal. A manipulator who uses magic tricks and drugs to induce me into his hands.

Though it might be curious enough looking into, that stalker of mine. Might be The Reptile, Brourge spoke of, if I learned from someone who controlled their abilities of the curse. I could harvest such abilities and live out my dreams as I always wished. It could be much easier then ever anticipated before, my queenship.

_-June 27, 2137UH

All of this day, no, not just these past twenty four hours. But the week before, and now onwards. I've found, my superiority has virtually vanished. Instead an extra state of caution towards me was active. As if they knew what I had been, which is surely preposterous. No one, except for other freaks as myself. Had any knowledge of what I happened to be. Not only that, but of my destiny of queens to emerge. However, they treated me as if a child, a commoner, a fool. Some, I had both a unconscious and consciously accepted decision of killing. But as I said, they were organized in such a way. There had been no possible maneuvers that wouldn't have gone unnoticed. That in the end, might of ended up hurting me or wose. My family, being put in danger.

Just don't fucking care if George cares or obsesses of over me. He shouldn't control people's attitudes like this. How am I to judge weather or not, they deserve to live on my island? Sweet it might have been, except for the fact of him disappearing from the island. We couldn't talk at all, basically. Or if we could have, he avoided me. Bastard, now with Brourge back. Shit, I don't know what to do anymore. Even had to hang up the bracelets of both my boys. Cant risk either of them finding out about the other. Again, there could be a disaster if things go towards that path of life. At his point, I'm willing to compromise with George on visiting friends as with family. The whole social situation of my life, since we are to live with one another. And yes, I went to George's new home. Where his slaves remained but he was no where to be found. And none of them knew, or were ordered to stay silent about his whereabouts I'm assuming. Which is most likely the situation here. Bastards, both of them. One leaving like a child, using all his might to get me to agree. While the other only waits for me to snap out of stressful pressure. Fuck'em both!

There was one positive note, so far. My aura concentrations have proved most effective as Brourge clearly pointed out for us. As on his return, and also the rejuvenation of our love within me. Bastard, things couldn't have been worse. For him to show up, unexpected, allowing me to miss the meeting to compromise with my beloved George. Heal the wounds, when we could have. So that this nonsense could have been avoided. Again, the only thought I found to comfort and sustain my sanity. Was the little completion of myself and others in the cave. Conceiving the results of all my hard work. I'm becoming the Queen I've dreamed of thus far. Soon I'll be able to surpass Brourge, taking him down with rooting of my eternal rule arises. Looking in mirrors, at reflections of me. The dagger prance about, happily as I felt within. Such smiles and chuckles of power driven potential. Which is why, I've been concentrating through meditation of my soul if not aura. Nearly twenty hours a day, moving from place to place on the island. Yet, retaining to such practices, gaining such power a bit more every hour passing. Soon, I couldn't even tell I had been concentrating any longer. Instead, such thoughts were captivated by the newest complication. What am I to do about George and Brourge?

Speaking a few examples this week, as mentioned, people were very bothersome. In this case, police officers, the uniform idiots with a gun. With no realization of what they were in comparison to me. Their words of despair and hate, ravished me greatly. It must have been my weakened state of being. The stress with the return of my ex lover, and my other near by. Without the animals and plants nearing such occasions, I would of killed them all. My little switch moments also picked the worse time. In this case, I hadn't been able to play about. No orgasmic releases of any sort, my hands and mind shook with each failed attempt towards such a wondrous feeling. Speaking of which, I had my period not long ago this week. However, there was no pain, no blood, no feeling in the least. What was this feeling, how has any of this been possible. I suppose it might have been. My other self, holding such things back till the proper time over the toilet. And yes, blood came pouring out. So, makes the assumption that much more possible to have been the case.

Speaking of my little police harassment, they mainly specified my relations with a non military partner. Makes me sick, couldn't harm of any of them. Not sure what to do anymore. But with my love's return into my life, Brourge I mean. He can finally presto his final contribution upon his women, myself. As he vowed before we became such partners. So that I will become the queen he so rightfully desires to bring forth into this world. Besides, since the messages have stopped from him, completely. My assumption of the situation has only been proved all the more. He's with another, and deserves this downfall that's come. My older sister was right. Men are worthless, only holding a hardness both in their hands and hearts. Nothing more, she should know as with her alternate profession. And past experiences, thus why I value such a thing all the more.

Speaking of Brourge, I must shorten these entire's of the book he gave me. For it reminds me too much of the past. Of he, the one who indeed stole my heart, and now stolen another without any care. The world will be mine, as with everything in it. And my witnesses will both be George and my family.  
Soon, nothing will stand in my way.

_-June 28, 2137UH

Since Brourge's little testing of my abilities. I've been able to by pass those fools at the hospital. I meant, the ones able to see me or in the least were aware of my presence. However, many more within. Seemed to notice my presence. So, needless to say. Was unable to do much of a searching for clues to the puzzling questions that have poisoned my perfect world.

Which I feel just more evidence toward me. Against me, that the Government and Military are plotting everyone to take down the future queen. It has to be that, why else would such odd events occur. Trying to shake my sanity. Even my own mind, the other self within, has turned its cheek. Attempts have been made to disrupt my walk down the path of destined crowning, that is my own.

Their all slowing being reprogrammed my sense has never lied before. Maybe a bit confused, yet never wrong. Never! Never! Never!

I can hear their thoughts, smell the nervous sweat when around me, all of them. Someone is conspiring to kill me on Sperack Island. I must find them. And, rid them of life ensuring the destiny of mine finally comes true. It's the only way. I knew there had always been a reason I hated them, had such indifference. Soon, they all might have to die at my hands. If I must, the humans will have to parish if I am to survive. Friends, family, lovers, coworkers, classmates, teachers, anyone on Sperack Island. Or in the least, has made contract with me. It's the only way to ensure my freedom from dying on this land of hell.

Transporting myself from the morning filled room of mine. I went behind the bar, pass the cave. Onto the shoreline. With a growing amount of pine trees near by. Nude, on the beach I only concentrated as these thoughts grew within, ever so stronger. This had been a time, where support to remain calm was needed. Sadly, everyone was now against me. After my blood, my brother, sister, mother, father. George, Brourge, with the rest of such community following their trail to me. They don't understand what's happening here, none of them do. Merely all lost souls as with causes. The Iron Moth will see to it their just rewards for such lack of faith will be given firmly. Especially Brourge, his sham to change me into his little puppet. The most appalling of them all had to be his, sickening to even mention such a thing. Even if I must be the hand of our lord. I'll take any hardship to save each lost one, even if it means baring a burden ridden hole in my soul. It would all be worth it, for life to be harmonious under my rue along side the Iron Moth.

More or less, any who stand in my way will fall. I'm not a weakling. My path to salvation is seen clearly in a vividness unlike anything ever before my eyes fell its sights upon. They'll all die...

Upon that shoreline, as the above words of my other self broke out in both thought and spoken avenues. The ocean crashed its waves into my nude being, causing noting more then a freshness of being cleansed. Nearly the entire day I spent in the crashing waves, concentrating on my being. A soul evolving further and further. The power within was raging out beyond my resistance. Not even sure what emotion caused me to do it. But I regret such an act. All the trees, surrounding the coast line, which I climbed atop to move away from the ocean waves plundering motions. They were snapped onto the ground around me. Only then, I broke such a horrid train of thought. My eyes began to whimper as I separately healed each limb and portion of such plant life I destroyed. Such a calmer feeling overcame me later on that day. But there was something that struck me as odd. What I stated while attempted to humble before such trees of pinecones.

"My deepest apologies, Father will not forgive me if I leave them. Oh I hope to god I'll be forgiven with only a simple outburst resolved".

I'm not sure what that meant, but my other self knows. If only it and I could talk. However, I don't know how to anymore. Without Brourge, which I can't go to him. He knows to much already. He'll try to kill me, since I've broken his heart. Of course, only after he broke my own, its fair I feel. Yet, on the topic. Another question to answer. What or who is 'Father'?

Why are there so many unanswered questions on a simple middle of no where rock, yeah more questions. At least I know 'Father' has something to do with plant life. Mainly trees, but I'm not sure anymore.

Though I am sane now, home, welcomed by my folks hoping I got back with George. Another day gone, impressively. Spent well, 8 hours of non stop concentration has done so much. I could barely feel my body as I healed such trees near the shoreline. By the way, I stand by my words spoken before. However, it should be executed in a much saner manner. Less blood the better.

_-June 29, 2137UH

Felt as if ages since the last time we met. I mean, by which of George Ganst. It couldn't have been helped, With Brourge popping in and out of my life, or ours. Well, things had to be dealt with absolute caution. For I can't sense my ex loving bastard thus far. He could be anywhere, and I wouldn't have a clue. Surely, even my eyes are not strong enough to see him coated with an auraified concealment. Which its scary to think how much he actually knows already. But, at least he's not tried to force me into any meeting. Then again, that sort of unwanted behavior, coming from he. Means a great deal towards the worry that's already come true. However, if I'm lucky enough he does not have a clue about what's come to pass. So, I should be able to use him. Furthering my abilities to such a queen as I've always desired to be. Bottom line, should just assume the better half of the situation, take small steps and get the situation over with.

Now, after a ramble. Onto my lovely George. We found peace, between one another. Agreeing upon some form of system calculated equation. That would make us a couple and yet, allow me to visit those closest. Which, besides George, would be my family and few friends. That's after getting some, of course.

Up till that point, there were many more disagreements. Not really, of a great issue. Even those were resolved. Including the issue on the Iron Moth, about going to the church. Praying and such. All done. We of course, went in his car to a little place away from the noisy people upon the island. Besides noting a few people coughing. Not much more of a distracting sunny warm fitting day of days to have arrived. Besides reawaking the burning deep within my soul. Which could easily be known as our love. We fucked wondrously in the afternoon upon the back seats of his car. This time however, it became a bed. Technology is just beyond me these days. How much has been hidden from the people by those in power.

Though I have mixed emotions clashing one another between George and Brourge. Parts of me are off and other desire them just the same. But I consciously feel and want George more then the worthless terrorist mentor of mine. In the least George is the greatest candidate for my plans to flourish upon the lands of Earth. Brourge has been used to the point of no return. My sense even agrees, on this situation. Or perhaps having a few more inmate tussles with my love. Just won me over, in whole. And of course, my switch this day. I couldn't physically speak of Brourge the Iron Moth terrorist of such freaks.

I'm falling in love, with George. Again, it must be only part of me, yet it's the portion that's the strongest. Has to be, for no other explanation could do. Finally a day without, regret. No beatings for a the care of another in my life. What a day of days, and to think. The surprise on George's face when I showed up at our designated meeting site. He has no faith, just another reason to use him. Though at least he's been found to be a key to my salvation. Which speaking of that thing, he modified my weapon. The hand gun, in my purse. And he gave me sometime ago, for protection. As with the bracelet upon my forearm. Apparently I'll be capable of going into any restricted access areas on Sperack for the Government. This should an interesting month to come.

_-Iron Moth Festival-_

Today, when there should have been a community island meeting. Where I should have been humiliated a bit further down the line. Instead, it was another festival at the arena. Fuck the name, a lot fewer people. Able to finally walk about, as with all that heated annoyance bothering me left and right. But, seeing George there. About to meet up with him and my folks. Till that stalker appeared, at that moment. We disappeared in darkness. All I remember, was waking in the night. Having no idea about anything that occurred with such a stalker. The Reptile, with me, shrouded in complete darkness. My other self must of taken over, who knows what took place. Its over, so is the festival. And July is coming in the morning of tomorrow or even today. Yes, today, this morning. As I write these very words, how fucked up for the month to end. Hope it only happened out of the desire of another. For my sense says, this is the foreshadow of my future on Sperack Island. How could the worlds Queen be so weak on these lands, its not possible. And it won't come to pass. Everyone will die if I must, to ensure my destined role over humanity.

I feel, the odd dated entries are not working out either. They will be returning to the way things were, its for the best. Just didn't feel right, at all. I must add, a odd mistake learned from. Another annoyance fixed. Before my investigation into Speack Island. As with humanity, I will learn all that'll put me above any other. Something to look forward to in the coming month, indeed indeed.

***

CHAPTER 7 JULY

_-July 6, 2137UH

Depressing, this day was or it would appear that way to the normal individual. Such darkened clouds seemed to have overtaken Sperack Island. For me, these feelings only existed for a short time until I reached the small crowd at the bus stop. I was recognized instantly, some women asked if I wanted her coffee. Considering, I'd gotten up late it was accepted. Tasteful, a hint of warm strawberry. How pathetic the women was. A poor commoner raggedy clothed wearing fool, though she recognizes her future Queen to be. Always great to see, still must have been another classmate of mine. Since the community leaders of ours abandoned the meetings. Thus contact with their people. Surely, one would have to stand up. Speak on behalf of the Iron Moth as with their interests in mind. I laughed, still thinking now. How much of a sign would I be given. To take lead, from tomorrow and then the world? My time is so nearing, indeed it must be.

The academy felt so empty and so unnatural from what it once was, many familiar faces replaced by those who worshiped me. I've lost count of how many men this day, had already said their sorry, stepping aside. Tried to pull out my chair for me, open doors, gave compliments that I felt just deserving of. One of these women called me a bitch, at which time with a face speaking of anger. Signaled for my men to come, aiding me. Arousing, as they all pulled her to the side. Which then they bashed her in. I merely chuckled walking by. Hopefully they killed her, in the least allowed her to die in somewhere alone for such disrespect. The very same Brourge should have been dispatched. However, with a grip around her throat in which she gave a weakly apology. I continued to giggle while walking on by the scene. One man continued trailing me until getting to my next class. I felt their eyes watching my every move and even hearing my name pop up a few times in their conversations before the exam began.

Something extraordinary happened, I was drawn to peer outside the window nearest to me. I didn't even respond or really hear when the teacher handed out the test to us at the tables.

Those eyes of such a nightmare returned since the last time I chased them, with such haste on this island's city streets. What dark undesirable figure stood outside hiding in the matching sky that floated above. That long tail wagged behind, while its eyes met mine own. We were staring in a trance together, I found something out about its eyes. They were not rounded as a humans would be. Yet it was more of a cats shape, horizontal, two of them barely seen. As if they were on the side of the head of the thing that stalked me. That reptile, what a hideous abomination for an organism.

Yet I couldn't believe that I hadn't realized this until now. That was inhuman, it meant no real danger to me. Maybe only a simple spy, at least the thought allowed such needed rest. Part of my stress dissipated. Since a lot had already been generated during the week. Yet it just stood there staying in its place. Consistently watching me, soon I just disconnected all eye contact. Continuing with the exam. When my curiosity got the better of me I glanced back to nothing buts its presumed shadow from the sky above.

As excited as I had been, about an astonishing discovering of such a stalker. There was much more on my agenda this day. Ever since the festival. I had a strange dream, in which my other self demanded that my dreams should be abandoned. Or I'd die on Sperack. Every since the stalker took me, must be other freaks or something. Even the thing itself. Following me everyday, must belong to Brourge, whatever. Never the less, I began my march towards the future of satisfaction. To become Queen, have no other choice but to use every moment at my disposal. To search this island, inside and out. I'll find everything, use to my advantage. Take over Sperack. Then go from there, yes, with the abilities I've acquired nothing is impossible. In the last five days. Been the most productive in months. Learned many tricks, enhancing what I used to do. Be able to conceal, just unlimited.

Even now, as I write. Back in the Military Academy, while the exams pass on. I found a great stressor sucking my energy. A constant small itch that wouldn't leave, no matter what was done. This of course is and will be from the aura impressed into an object. The very same Brourge had used on the device in those gifts of his. Yet I feel his method was finding much more then I intend. Regardless it worked. I could hear, feel, and sense all near it. About a twenty foot radius, more or less. In a known high Government personals apartment building. The very same George used to live within. Not the same room or floor, still, a good start. Heard a few many other names, leads, areas of the Government I never knew existed. Its hard to believe, a simple metal nail in the wall, with aura compressed within. And maintained could allowed such information to be apprehended. I was even able to look inside at them. With a few documents scattered about the tables. Maybe might beable to read them at one point. Yet as I said, the test went well.

Despite the warning from my other half, about leaving this plan behind. She has helped me sustain the constant aura. Recorded every word spoken, meeting held, phone call, etc.

All week, gaining more and more. I've been able to conceive a plan that'll fulfill the moments I've already wasted on the land of my birthplace. Lied to George after the exams, as we rode to the Shenn Que HQ. Did feel a bit sad, couldn't listen to him much if at all. Too much with my mind, bit overloading for me. So for his loyal faithfulness to our relationship. And by the way, this week, I'll be moving in with he again. Yet until that time. George and I shared the worst pleasure seeking experience in our lives. Indeed, sucking upon his cock in the moving car. Spiting out the excess of my reward to him, onto the street. From the window of the very same car. Again, was not in the mood, yet had to do something. Since, he would be leaving for quite a time. At least a few days will pass. Going to miss him, truly am. Of course saying much needed farewells. Walking my own path, alone in mid day, listening, thinking.

Contemplating the next plan of action, what to do. Considering Brourge might be watching again. Would the meeting calendar allow such a breach of time, never the less. I teleported to the Exercise Station. Spent my time working and building the physical muscle, felt great. Later running off into the middle of know where. Holding a notebook from my purse. Writing names, ideas, and otherwise. While I focused greatly on the soul within me. Expanding, more, then a bit further. Then stopped, a pair of eyes popped out from the sea. Its was an otter, small, covered in a such a magnificent dark coloration. Spotted with tiny freckles of gray outlined blue dots. We stared as if for hours, which indeed it happened to be hours. Before long, night arrived, the sun left. As did my little friend, then I zapped myself home. Wondering what all happened, why did stop for a mere animal? Was it another freak? Actually an animal? Did I black out, perhaps?

Most importantly, will the nightmare warning of abandoning all I believe in. On Sperack Island, come again this dreamy night?

_-July 7, 2137UH

Finally for the practice at school to pull off. While at the usually area. In the large water tank, playing the official sport of Sperack Island as with the world of humanity. These were the thoughts that careered with me till bring forced onto the benches. First thing, not being even looked upon during the game by any classmates. Which were very few to begin with, my bitch of a coach ensured I stayed out as long as possible. Must really be pushing their hate filled decision of the former Island Community Leaders to the maximum. As if a ignorant dying wish, make the women they targeted feel the pain for years to come. If only I had the time, I would hunt them all down. But, that's no longer a concern for me. Since the Military people were no longer watching over the Island. Well, this turned out to be the most interesting playoffs I've even had the pleasure to sit down in.

The actual game didn't last long, before someone from the less of a crowd pulled their gun out. Firing away at another in the distance from them. Then it was a 'wave' sort of thing. Everyone in utter beautiful chaos, running, shooting, being shot. Luckily my family were buys this day. Yet as my dagger danced in the sea of burning blood which flushed its way throughout the entire arena. A dead body, then another there, as they ran. I just tinted myself, watching, without each deep breath another took their last. My eyes seeked that lustfulness, arousal forming in moments as their eyes darkened with nothingness.

All if was as if a dream come true, the wondrous feeling. Just being there, witnessing the destructive sight alone. As I could feel my blood begin to pop. The dagger spinning arount at the scene just the same. Most definitively when the red light showed. From a few people there, others feel to their instant deaths by the red light. Laser technology of course had been the flashes of red. From their pen slick weapons, firing streams of energy into the Military enemy of theirs. Considering the fact, that I might not be immune to such elements of this world. I had to vanish to another place. And yes, saying farewell to the many dead and dying. Wishing it would come with me, stay burning. But had to get a move on. Start the day off, using the notes from the Government official in his apartment room. Which I bugged, with the special nail in the upper portion of the wall.

Speaking of which, I found he had a calendar on the wall. Though my bug was unable to see its contents. He got into a fight with his friend over the phone about a hospital checkup. Mainly he protected the fact of such a cancer ridden machine being destroyed, There was no longer a need for their painful treatments. Which proves my suspicions, they were behind the cancer attack on Sperack Island. Had checkups at their only hospital, not allowing many out or in. And of course why they had the hospital guarded so heavily. Someone else must of tired to break in as well, the very same who killed those people in their hospital beds. Perhaps, things are already beginning to come together. However....

It had been time to bug the rest of the Sperack Island, with George or even Brourge as my guides. And indeed, my notes from the bugged apartment spoke of this secret. Only one fo the many I found to be more then just rumors. George picked me up, not far from the arena. I was running with a few other victims. Yet I only allowed he to see me, didn't need any questions arising about where I might of come from. Not sure if those people would of noticed. But can never be to careful. The point being. I and George were off again, in his car to a place he considered to be only for the true nobility or higher ups in the organizations. We were just zipping along, till halting on the hill and just stopped there for a while. On the most eastern portion of the island. Where two guards suddenly appeared out of no where. Practically must have been from the ground or something, which it would be noted. A camouflage device only hidden underneath the sands. Scary, a bit, this would be near the places I hung out in my private sessions to become stronger.

Regardless, the uniformed men approached us in the car. George didn't have to do a thing, they waved us though. We drove forward and stopped again in a dirt patch of nothing. At which point the took the handgun from my purse. The very same he gave me, placing into one of the car's compartments between us within the seats. Then a jerk of us both, we were literally being lowered into an underground complex. On an elevator platform, perhaps, as a cover fitting above us as we reached the bottom. And yes, I freaked out every second on the way down. George had a perfect laugh today. With myself freaking out as the platform itself spun, which had been what threw me off. Until reaching the bottom, and my love explained. Been a bit confused and frightfully prone. He turned off the engines, and we got out. While he further explained to me in a great excitement what was happening.

I followed George, asking about my handgun as we approached a underground railroad station. With only one train, hadn't seen one before. But both George and Brourge's books confirmed it. Then, while I froze. His hand pushed me along up a flight of nearby stairs into a station thingy. Something like an office. With the front desk being our destination. The identically uniformed as the guards above ground and were around the place. Dark blue, with hoods up at all times, and handguns holstered at the side. didn't really see their faces much if at all. Something like a hoodie I think, not sure the exact material but that's what they all looked like.

Anyhow, George got another little chuckle in as he asked me for my handgun. The very same he'd already put into the car's compartment. He for reason chuckled, as did the man behind the counter. Not sure, but yeah. Guess they were expecting me to freak or something. But I didn't, watching in the corner of my eye. Someone driving George's blue car away, but a uniformed person had been at the wheel. It must have been routine. Looking back at the scene, the man pulled the gun out from his side of the desk. Giving it to George who then relayed it back to me. We then walked out near the sitting train. In which he explained both his little magic trick, yeah right. Then why he had to have such a thing modified further. Seeing the train, a small little eye above the door. I already knew before he had to say. Yes, it would read the gun on me, as my pass to ride the underground train.

Which was only intended for the nobles of both Government and Military since peace had been made. It was only established net to their friendship. And as we stood there. I ensured my little bugs I left behind were secure. Even tapping them into the walls, door, desk. Making them practically invisible to untrained senses. And yes, they worked. But a small side affect, I suddenly feel forward. Lucky me George caught me behind hitting head first onto the cold hard cement. My love really enjoys showing off to his girl. That's for sure. Showing such secrets, which this was still to the commoner. This being more astonishing proof I'd been much more then that. We walked closer to the yellow metalized doors. Which slid to the sides after the eye above flashed twice. I still couldn't walk much at the time, so he sort of had to carry me aboard.

Truly embarrassing, my face was ready pop. As with the draining feeling within, the itch. Even now, was nothing of the sort. Worse, much worse. As in twitching, my body would randomly twitch throughout the day. We had to strap in the dark blue seats, he noted this was a sonic train. Would take minutes to get places if I needed. Then commenting on if I was alright. Just the emotional concern in his voice had been enough. Sipping my lips over his ear slightly. I nibbled as the announcement aired, from the train's intercom system, to take our seats and we would be taking off shortly. That I wanted his within me, at these supposedly amazing speeds. We both set off to the restroom, which had its own seating as with the straps. From there, oh the sensation pulse. Or was it all the draining from around me through the bugs I set. His trhusing in and out of me as I sat atop of his lap.

In such moments of infamy which lasted some time, a few cycles around the underground of Sperack Island. I spoke of my appreciation, several times even. Through many diverse methods. Even to the point the dropped me off at home.

Very few days will compare this month feels odd. Never mind.

_-July 8, 2137UH

This morning, seems I caught a cold or something. Sore throat, no matter what I do. Its hurts to swallow, but later on. Mid day, it just disappeared. As if it didn't exist at all. This was strange to me, since my periods had been ceased from causing me such pain. Why would this? Honestly, at first thought it had been the cancer perhaps catching up. Though I quickly realized it was just my over reactive imagination. No marks were visible and since the pain disappeared, thus the consideration. My other self must be sending me a message. That even a destined Queen of the world can still die if precaution is not taken. I feel this what sent this morning. Or it was to distract me from my older sister. Entering, while myself was held up in the bathroom trying to make sure I wasn't dying or something.

When going back into my room, suspire surprise. My older sister found the calendar that held both my lover's and our meeting days. Holding it in her hands while observing the contents on my bed. I assume she didn't get wind about my investigation of Sperack Island. Only that I had been lying to everyone of the family. That included these two men, Brourge and George. So indeed, my sister and I sat down for quit the chat. Which ended with her worrying about me, and myself agreeing to end the relationship fully with Brourge. As with telling the family about such a matter. Until then, it would be placed under the table of known affairs. Naturally I lied, something about Brourge still hold me close. It must be his knowledge, the key to my abilities growing more so then ever before. Not to mention, a great ally whenever trouble seems to arise.

Though while alone in my room, I locked the door. When my sister had left, hitting myself once in the stomach for Brourge while masturbating to George. The pleasure override the pain induced. Proof though, that Brourge's manipulated hold upon me is weaking greatly. I should of beaten myself down to the point of hospitalizing or something. But nope, nothing happened this morning along those lines. Today, I wasn't sure who to hang out with or use to further the investigation of Sperack Island. Yet at that moment, tears drowned me. Because what I was about to do to my older sister. After realizing she found such a thing of relevance. My hands held the dagger, and nearly about to throw it at her. I was about to kill my sister at that time this morning. What kind of monster have I become.

Getting myself together, still bummed out. I got out the door of my home and found my call on the phone reached the ears I desired. George came to my aid. His beastly car, roaring its engines while it awaited my approachment. As if he had been waiting for me, bit creeping I thought. While earned me a single hit for thinking such a thought about my love. In which we took off. We talked in the car, driving steadily as his bracelet wiggled under my shirt. I had to deny him any intimacy, even lying about the period. Which we half joked about a pill to stop that whole process. More of he had brought it up, not me. Could of cared less. Since during the week we wouldn't be seeing one another for some time to come. He had business, I still wanted all my time dedicated to the investigation. He came second to such a thing in my life. To my destiny, George would only amount to being a close loving tool.

Oh such a fragile heart Georg had when it came to me. After insisting being driven and exploring certain locations of interest to me. We were off, his curiosity had been satisfied. When replying that I wished to have memories of my homeland. Considering he and I would be moving away, married one day. So his sights were obviously set, no worries about his uprising against my own curiosity in places I've never been. Speaking of which, those bugs already planted in the train station and apartment of the man. Were not bothering me at all, merely creating a simple buzz in my mind. Could feel and hear it, nothing in comparison to what I had to endure last time. Or when first starting this whole technique method.

Yet still feeling down and out. Even worsening the feeling by the thoughts of bugging George. Which I couldn't do it, loved George enough to trust him. In the least rely on his easy heart to prove my victory. Not to mention he's always been there for me, messing with that could create problems down the line. Wasting my energy bugging a man who had nothing to gain by hurting me. Why would he then, the simple answer I came to believe in. Is he's not my enemy but my lover. that's all that would be stated on that matter.

We took the train route, my request. In planting few more bugs over the place. Which have given me some more information on the situation. Including the security force that left from the rooftops. That a rebel Military personal had taken their place, unknown to the people below. Which they were able to assassinate certain individuals of their interest. Or then again, it might have been the Government in the other uniform. The evidence points towards the UHEG and their movements. Many have stated, thus far. Of course the Minformation and any other information station has not heard about this. Yet that the harbors and airports seem to be their way onto the island. Where a lot of the shadowy stuff seems to happen.

So indeed, I bugged the harbors and airports under the disguise of a playful time with my loving man. Though I had been terrified of Brourge showing up. Since our mail has been discontinued and won't say a thing about it. I'm in the dark. In the end, every harbor and the main airport were all hit. Bugged and drained me, fell asleep in George's car. Luckily we drove around to the harbors. Though what I found interesting is the train leads directly into the Military Base. My former employers.

So far, my investigation has gone steady. My other self will deal with the stresses like before. And I'll be able to hear most of the movements by anyone on Sperack without much aura knowledge. Allowing my strategic locations to grow as for main sources of information. Yet the fantastic sight of the harbors and airport were still amazing. I know why they keep the commoner out of the picture, their filth would tear such places down all around us. AS they always manage to do anyhow. Again, that's the nature of the Iron Moth. Mysterious packages within packages. Raised my spirts abit, not enough though. Couldn't find any animals or plant life. Then have the time to share with them as I've always done. In my own way.

_-July 13, 2137UH

Before the telling of this Saturday comes to pass in these pages. I feel the following week must be written. A long complied mass to tell., yet it eats away at me everyday I pass the opportunity in opening up. More then just a headache, worsening with every passing thought, not to mention. In the mist of things. My body feels drained regardless of what I eat or how much time I've slept. Same thing over and over again, the endless throbbing of emptiness within me. Not even allowing time for me to grief properly for truth I've come to pass. Without George there I wallowed in despair. From Tuesday morning into the night of Friday. Everything seemed to just fall dowered through a spiral into the now despair that holds me. Well, not so much, considering George is back. Things should be getting on track, or my sense says so.

Firstly, George has been absent till today, which being alone never helps. Never sure if I'm crazy or sane. Without another near by, my family doesn't count towards that though. I love them, but c'mon. More are needed to ensure the connection in a foundation reality is stabilized. Yet he was no where to be found, even his few slaves hanging about the apartment they helped move a majority of my stuff into. We didn't get anytime to talk, they were just gone. Wrong places, wrong times, felt as I had been avoided actually. Just in the end, silent loneliness. Which had overwritten the whole excitement and joyfulness. Not to mention, those slaves of his. Did all the work, I only had to rearranged things. Which were not well, by the end of the move. Finally one of those slave appeared just when I decided to sleep at home. The darkly shaded one, female, hadn't been in the mood to begin with.

Yet, my folks insisted I slept at George's places. Or our own, instead of home. Even if my loving man isn't around. Should get used to everything and perhaps gets more acquainted with those slaves of his. Soon to be, our slaves. Didn't speak ever more then a few words to each in the days after. As I only thought of George, what his mentor would be like. Along with trying to ensure I didn't explode in pain form the upkeep over the bugs of mine. Which still fed information, increasing the exploding possibly that much more. In the mist of things, Brourge appeared within my mind. While playing myself into satisfaction, through the lips between these thighs. I wished to be taken, so heavily. Still am not able to understand how I enjoy control over George while begging to be taken by Brourge. What's the connection there? Is there even one?

Above everything else, dark and dampening they grew further into my emotional core. My being had been impervious to touching any form of door handle. So from traveling about in the city, school, even in our apartment. Had to be sneaky about my business, yet, not allow any of them to know. If the knowledge of myself being a Freak ever got out I would have to eliminate all involved. Then disappear, something I'm up to doing at the moment. Things are going my way, seems more stable and stabler everyday. Though I might lose faith from time to time, it matters not. Noticed only a few people had the cough anymore. Or were sick in the hospitals, every since the machine in Jenny's old destroyed apartment building near the lighthouse had been dismantled. Seems the check ups have nearly if not all stopped, yet treatments were delayed. If not deliberately ensuring the Military patient wouldn't live through the injuries. Surveillance at least still worked through the bugs. Not much more information besides that obtained. Nor bugging, only sustaining myself and making notes on the next hotspots to bug.

Which, I blacked out in the city, waking up only led to a horrible surprise. Hovering over the dying corpse of a stranger. His cock still hardened inside me. We were in his apartment building. On his bed, while blood dripped everywhere and his rib cage had been reveled Not sure where. Maybe a Government or even Military official. don't know, myself had been completely naked while he hadn't. Its all blurring at this point, all I know for sure. After becoming conscious again. I transported myself to my apartment, which George shared. Making sure the door had been locked, I began to cry. While transporting myself into the sea. While the sun sank in the distance. But the blood, staining my being. Glowed while tears flowed heavily. Not comprehending what happened that day. Raping someone had been one thing, but killing them was monstrous. Especially when I am greater then they. The man's dying blood stained face still flashes in my mind as these words are written. How could I do that, the reason why I transported. Had been because I had began to smile in a chuckle. So at which point. Being it Thursday, coming into the morning anyhow. Locked myself up good and tight, not sure what my other self might be capable of. The worst fear I've found in life, is of yourself. God damn, the Iron Moth must be punishing me.

Luckily, outside my window the chirping birds melody were surprising soothing of my souls heartache. Even calming the sustain of those aurafied bugs of mine. Swear part of me could understand the words the birds sang. Did try to ignore it, didn't need to be more insane that I had already been. But the worst had yet to come, seems life is not a bore anymore. Not in the least. One of George's slaves, gave me a letter my father picked up when getting the mail. It was from my old best friend Jenny. When I first heard her name, I knew trouble was on the rise. Though so had my heart in excitement. Locking the door, that had been the last time, till George came about, that anyone saw me.

Opening up the envelope, I found it hadn't been toxic but the words written were. I kept it in the pages. But also rewrote each word, memorizing it. Even if they might be lies, some could lead an easier path of obtaining my destiny.

Ploon Reme Moren, hello there my old friend

If your reading these words of fear, then Brourge has not gotten a hold of my last letter to be written. However, this means I'm already dead. My killer is the one and only, your lover and my desired. Brourge P. , his last names always been a troublesome thing, forgive me for not writing it out completely. The notorious Broken Hourglass, our terrorist group has been hidden in the shadows for decades. I've been part of a silent investigation selected for peering into the Sperack Island's secret purpose of existence. Naturally, it was pulled up from the ocean floor, by none other, the Government itself. Long long time ago, perhaps even before Brourge's mentor was alive and aware. But the sad truth, yes , the Military's public ownership has been merely a shame. And we have found what's been hidden all these years on Sperack. What's been kept from the lower ranked like us, even our Overlord who operates Broken Hourglass didn't know. Thus we were acted to move in, not to mention. Set up the attack with the Cancerous equipment in my apartment building's basement. Allowing us to eliminate all those in our path as more orders were given not long afterwards. Which happen to also involve, Sperack. Not sure how much more time they'll be so I'll shorten things up.

I'm sorry Ploon, personally, you were closest to any form of family I had. Even though Broken Hourglass was such a grander warmness, most didn't come back alive, you did. Of course, you can easily tell the difference of why I stated such words. Please, my sincerest apologies, for my actions I've betrayed you with. But I had no other choice, ever since the exposure to Brourge. He attempted to eliminate me swiftly. Only then, found out more that I had been involved in. Such as sabotaging your relationship with our lover. Since then he's given out my personal information out to all news stations, thus why I appeared on the wanted list, why I forced you to schedule a dinner knowing he couldn't. If we met, after the exposure, he would know instantly and that wasn't my objective. Which meant, perhaps your death, not just my own. In the least he would of erased your memory of me. If it hadn't already occurred.

I didn't mean to get so jealous, just you know how I feel, or will one day. When the man you desire above all else shows attention into someone he was ordered to kill and more so just saw. His first glance spelt trouble on that day. I knew it and was right. Except at this time. He's finding himself killing those who assisted greatly in the objective sabotage. I just couldn't ignore my feeling though. Even now I love him, doesn't matter if his sights are now to ensure my breathing stops. Which had been why I've sent this to help you sister in that little investigation. Your potential is greatly intimating Ploon. Worse, what lays inside. Yet even they are not enough to stop Brourge from reading your inner self. Your unable to hide much, better to come forth or be forced.

To think, if he wouldn't have put me to protect your from harm. I'd not be where I've landed myself. Running from my loving man which I will always hold closer then any other in the world. That's a hell of a thing, uh? How messed up does the world have to be when something like this occurs. Do take care of Brourge, he has the purest of love to give. Don't waste this opportunity in life, and good luck on the investigation. Hope this is able to repay some of my dept. As with the memories I blanked out between us and others.

Love,

Jenny Vonseinour

With that, my mind swarmed into a frenzy of questions and answering most, while more questions appeared. Not being answered as abruptly as I would of hoped. Surely this could be a complete hoax. But this might mean, I've made a grave mistake. How could I even begin to attempt in showing any form of begging forgiveness. When Brourge finds out I'm not longer a virgin, have been lying to him since ever. Not even wearing his bracelet when he's not around. If killing older friends is not a problem. How easy would it be for my ex to kill me? Kill George or even my family? Can I even consider him being my ex anymore, surely George has captured me in full. But Brourge did so much more, and even now. He's demonstrating blind love, his purest passion over me. For us to be together, a caring ideal which isn't insane. Only a convinced feeling from within, which I find might still reside in me. What am I to do?

Those were my exact thoughts, finding out that being in another's cave, yet loving my ex partner. Only then did George show up, when the damage was done. Over this Saturday, we enjoy ourselves. More of myself, planning bugs elsewhere. Once again blacking out a few times, the strain of keeping them all active had been taking a toll. Just didn't think it had been that great. At least now, I had most of the Shenn Que's Headquarters bugged. Spooky placed, oddly enough George was insisting we go there. I wanted to meet his mentor, since it had been his place of living. However, how peculiar, no mentor. My tour guide, the lovely Mexicono found our way in and out of the inner estates vastness. Yet he didn't even notice my blackouts, but they did freak me out. Now that I think about it, all fours times. Had to use the restroom, just to make sure my other self wasn't getting me in any trouble. Or worse, doing something that would blow my cover of being another ignorant in love human. Sickening to think I have to hide my beautiful self as it. Guess one gives a lot up for survivals sake.

One thing I found most intriguing was the alarm system, where wasn't one. Till my tour guide mentioned, looking up at the ceiling or to stare at the walls. I did, they began to move as I got the chills. Seems the entire house in a safety machine. In an intruder was inside or found, they would be crushed without hesitation. The most advanced technology yet, he added. Except for the lingering fact of myself being inhuman and the houses security was a non living system. Could make mistakes. I stuck by George often as possible. Until we got into a gym, a large large gym. Suited to train a small army or so. Walking along, his words spilling out into the empty unlit room. We found our way to something he referred being known as 'boxing', checking my books of Brourge. Yeah I did read about it before. Not that enjoyable, when compared to when my ex and I used to beat one another till bleeding out on the hard natural ground. Nothing in comparison, yet he seemed happily concent. Even after three or six rounds of boxing with those puffy fitting gloves. I tried to hold back, but com'n hes just not that much of a fighter. Even when I began to laugh and tried stopping, felt half and half about the whoel thing. Not sure why he had been happy, must be my sense. It said something had been a miss. Not sure what it could have been.

Regardless, however like Brourge and I used to play. George, decided we play in a dungeon scenery this time. In one of the rooms in of such estate, I used a whip on him. While myself being the queen and he. Only a lonesome weak little boy. Chained to the wall, my first attempts seems to have only grazed his backside and he reacted very little. While speaking words of submission, they spoke another song. Of disappointment, so I tried a bit harder. Something I desperately wanted to stay away from. And the tail of that particular whip from my hand seemed to have hit something vital. Not sure what it could have been, because I continued to just wack away. Not the brightest of choices. The pain had been so great his little boy character from whien started crying with shouting horrors. I did get a reaction this time around.

Now that I think about it, a torture dungeon in a company that specializes in slavery. isn't all the surprising that it would be around there. Silly me, and as for my little boy who cried his eyes out. Nothing more then a few cuddling tender fill hugs followed by some fearless suckling over his being. George become a bright and shiny boy again, in no time flat. We a played for quite some time after. Then continued the lengthy tour. Ending when the sun began to fall, my sense still says there is more then he's letting on. Yet another day and another time.

In the end, my bugging of the Shenn Que Corporations Headquarters was complete. A huge place is sure to unravel something. Though in the time to come. I fear dealing with my inner self and Brourge will be the main challenge. And of course, keeping the strain of my bugs to a minimal. If I blackout, who knows what might occur in my absence.

_-July 14, 2137UH

Waking up with a fabulous breakfast served by George's servants. Filled a gap, that had been growing since yesterday. No, I could barely talk if that. Keeping myself from completely blacking out had been the most troublesome task. Though after eating a bit, taking a shower, and getting myself dressed. The other self within me seemed to just waken. Quite the odd feeling that was, thought to think, the thing within me. Might have a realistic troubles as I do. Getting up in the morning, for an example. Having trouble going to sleep, which has occurred. However, those bugs must be the majority reason I've even felt in such a thing. Before such an investigation erupted into existence. Never could tell how my other self felt, didn't realize it could wake up as I did. But indeed, things have changed. And luckily, not many of the five seemed to bother me to that point. My sense, indicated they knew something I didn't. Though now, I'd say that's a much of paranoid nonsense. Yet I've never been wrong before, except this time.

It must be just a mistake, caused by my inner self and its confliction. Or my fear of realizing that my bugging teahouse is primitive in comparison to Brourge's. Even others, out in this world. Freaks, like myself, must be able to do so much more then I. They could bug in manners that would reduce my method into a childish attempt of something that could be regarded so much more. It's the thought that awoke me this morning, what if Brourge bugged me to such an extent nothing could be hidden only read. That he knew and knows everything there is to my life. It was only a nightmare, waking next to the man who I've betrayed my ex lover with. That's more then enough for me to be convinced my inner being has broken open due to the strain. Both in thought and concentration for my little spys over the island.

The day, spent with George, however, he insisted we visit the Shenn Que Corporations headquarters again. Instead of another place of my interest on the list to do. Sort of pissed me off, since we explored what had already been bugged. At first I found myself ensuring the bugs were adequate enough in being stabilized in their positions. Which was the best I could do at the time. Yet now, my disappointment has turned to into a form of curiously expanding enjoyment. As proposed and guided by the same tour leada. George, my man of the day. That letter from Jenny seems more realistic every passing minute. It might be why Brourge has not even contacted me in, since, forever.

Onto the day though, I should of paid more attention to George's movements and looks. I don't just mean his lustful eye set obsessions. It had been another, sort of knowing a surprise was coming up sort of thing. Unable to resist his grinning upon my reaction that'll be popping up in no time. His master or mentor, George's I'm referring about. Still had not been around, but he okayed me entering the laboratory beneath the SQC headquarters complex. Naturally, more guards escorted us in through a secret department within the massive house. Of course, I both had to sign some paperwork on confidentiality. As with wearing a blindfold/earmuffs. Nothing about the safety precautions were pleasant. I recall only feeling entering a elevator. Then having my restraints removed. Then peering down the white gleaming hallways. Those wearing white coats and other scientifically profound complex encased suits. Doors sliding open and closed every which way. The upper ground floor may have been massive, but the lower half must have been twice the size if not greater.

Yet even as I write these words, not sure what had been greater. The underground complexes size or the complicity of the experiments witnessed. Though I'm not allowed to detail here, in these pages. Only the most interesting shall be written for memorization. Besides the whole memory of the experience was short lived. Not much remains within me, cause I sort of remained hungry for most of the day. Even since getting down into that lab. Just my stomach went empty. However, it could have been one of their fancy devices or experiments. To ensure no one has any idea an entire laboratory complex exists under Sperack. Again my old reality of life seems like a childhood. To think, many people are living out their lives not even aware of the existence of another world in the darkness. The only place where they've been told not to look or are fearful to do so. In the end, their ignorant fools, no wonder their called the commoners. To afraid in opening their eyes before the reality of the world that's right in front of them.

In the end of this day, I never anticipated the experiments to have been seen. The first that's lingers in my mind is that, 'L.F. Pointer 27', the exact same laser device used at the Sickle Troughtdown game. Some of the people had it, apparently its only Government issued or in the least designed. Except this had my sense strangling itself. I nearly cried, watching behind a plate of glass. Layers upon layers of thickness, that separated us from the actual experiments. In which George explained that this laser technology is very unstable. Which had been why he chose more conventional weaponry.

I could easily comprehend the reasoning, this hadn't been just human technology. As the suited scientist used the L.F. Pointer 27 upon the large box of metal. Not even ten feet from him. While we watched behind others in the actual experimental room. The user shot a clear hole through the block of metal. However, soon collapsed for a brief moment. Then was able to stand others were ready with medical equipment. Luckily it was unneeded, this test was to try and create a laser device that could be used in combat but wouldn't be hazardous to the user. Unlike like this, the original L.F. Pointer used to just explode from an imperfection in its creation. The 23rd model had been the most appreciated. Only a 14% of a explosion large enough to cause any real damage or even death to the user. Or so George went on to say. Though I could clearly tell, the aura of that person in the suit. The user of the 27th model clearly was having it all drained away. Yet I only said nothing, watching in horror. AT least that's what is recalled. As soon, the user's device exploded into flames setting the person ablaze. Which quickly the fire system went off in the experimental room. Extinguishing the threat, while others saved the user's life with their medical devices. Apparently more work needed to be done before anything stable could enter the armory.

However, I asked my guide. Why some of the Government or Military insist on using such a dangerous device. His grim answer, most of the time, their forced to use it. Or have nothing at all. Usually those who are troublesome are given the experiments to field test. Or will be killed. Most try to take the chance of living another day. To repay their mistake, or in the least ensure their families are not executed because of their traitorous actions. Its fucking a horrible world we live, being forced into every day life. Then again, if we weren't, what would we desire to do? Scary thought either way.

Yes, there were many amazing sections filled with toys and gadgets. And only a few caught my senses attention, which might be why I recall them the most notable at the end of this day. The majority of these showings were also to give a taste of George's wealthy life. Not sure if he personally enjoyed seeing my reactions of 'aww' or me pissed off in a nastier mood. Regardless, the case will end the same. Not to mention one of his little fantasies came into the light. He wanted us to play in the forbidden laboratory. Even video record it, the camera thing was new. But the end result, this seemed his biggest turned on experience yet. Unfortunately for me, not so much. Tried the best I could. We found ourselves on the white cold floor of a empty room. It was sealed off, not many windows, or open ones anyhow. No one came in on us either, so he had to have pulled some strings. But he contoured to mention that he hoped no one came in on us. I feel that fantasy thought had been his turn on for the evening. Personally, my actions were terribly spent with him. I blacked out several times, went numb, hit my head on a near by table. But he was able to cum, which had been my plan. It was quick, didn't even notice the camera above us, which he must have had set up. Even now, that fucking empty feeling still haunts me. I don't care anymore. Though am curious how he enjoyed the fucking and taunting when he had to lay on that damn hard cold floor. It must of hurt, even if he didn't say anything about it.

Now, before that, there had been something more attention grabbing. Alarming, and alerting, my sense sort of turned me to the experiments happening before we entered that room. The one in which we fucked, I mean. Soon we were both plastered up against the glass watching as a man panicked in a narrow locked box. His flesh was disappearing, as he had been surround by a fog. So it made some difficulty in even realizing anything had been happening of real importance. Yes, George tried to drag me away from the sight. Yet, I had to watch, my sense sort of didn't let me do anything else. Just looking into the man's eyes of horror. His unheard screams when his flash was eaten away. In front of our eyes, then another sparkling purple fog entered the chamber. Surprising the original up in the top portion fo the narrow glass box. Naturally the man ducked and his breathing was stable again. No screaming, or disappear flesh, yet his cheekbones wee visible now. As with most of his hands and arms, they were nearly all bone. Soon the entire foggy things disappeared through the same ducks they must of entered. And no, this man was not wearing any protective gear as everyone else had been. Soon, a team of the gas suit wearing people surrounded the glass box. Three holding handguns, four others were holding medical and scientific equipment. In the end, that man was shot after falling from a recently opening from the box. I'm still in shock, it was cruelty and sick, not to mention shutters down my spine.

Of course the perfect sexual mood breaking for anyone. Which had been odd, usually I enjoy this sort of thing. I'm actually worried why I hadn't. No smile, not even a giggle at the sights witnessed. What does that mean anyhow? Am I in control today or something. Did my aura concentration exercises finally pulling through for me? Or is this bugging strain greater then I first realized? Iron Moth, God, why is this so fucking of a difficult world.

Soon, George had to open up with the story on the 'Rotten Fog', being the thing that was eating the man. That the man had been a serve offender to the UHEG, and thus practically volunteered fort the experiment so his family wouldn't be punished. That nothing cruel about the situation, that he had to be shot. Because if those experimental gases are released into the public. No one really knows the horrible effects they might have on the world. Thus it's a safety precaution, or apparently he'd not live anyhow. George tried to reassure me that the killing was necessary. Even after the 'AntiFog' had been released it didn't save his life. Besides it was not his call, after all, its how they do business here in the Government and everywhere else in the world.

Which led to another conversation about where this Rotten Fog came from. I asked it, unknowingly, as if my other self seemed to curiously speak my mind for me. Since I had been in deep thought at that time. Or whatever, it doesn't matter much anymore. The fact remains, that this Rotten Fog has been in every single Military complex around the world. Mainly those the Government had raided. Because of unruly actions and breaking of the truce between their groups. I know that's bullshit, they attack each other when ever its convenient, that's the reality. However, the Military has never used the Rotten Fog, yet its on the defense system of every complex they operate. Not to mention, their most actively tested and transfered. The Government tried to create a counter gas or chemical, but in truth. They have no idea what the Rotten Fog is, even if the AntiFog is able to push the other back. There are just so many unknown components it has, not to mention a certain life force of its own. Which I secretly convinced myself into being true. Even now, it felt as if a Freak was sucking that man dry of his flesh. It was not a gas or chemical, yet another organism entirely. Apparently a few scientists feel the same way about the issue. Only their being ignored, by their superiors. Because the majority feel otherwise, reminds me of this world. Mainly the thing I once aligned with, Humanity. That's a laugh on its own.

Even as George told me, about the Rotten Fog not actually having the capability of being used as a weapon. I know better then that, they will find out sooner or later. Hopefully it stays just in the lab. A wonder what the true objective of such a thing might be? Again those shuttering shivers down my spine. And it's only one of many apprehended weapon programs or devices from the Military. If this is true, then why is the Government not actively searching into it themselves more then anything else. Because that one lab, when the man died. George informed me, had been the only one allowed for the testing of Rotten Fog. Which doesn't make any sense to me. If it's the most active on their enemies side, why not peruse it further to find those unknown secrets. They know more then their letting on, or George is just a tool. Either way, question after question. He just wanted to relax me before our play, which had been horrible anyhow. Didn't really matter what he desired, it wasn't in my interests. But he did show me that secret place. Which I didn't have much time or space to place my little bugs, there were so many watching us.

Then we moved on, finding ourselves elsewhere. In this case, he followed some of my clues. Leading us to the Lighthouse near Jenny's destroyed abandoned ruins of a building. On the other end of the island. Which is why we took the underground train from within the laboratory itself. And within that building, we found our sights upon the amazing Pedal. The large leaf which was used to control the weather on the island. George got such a kick at the fact of my reactions, I'm sure of it. Not many seemed to mind us touring the place, even though the signs continued to say non other then higher officials were allowed into the building. Luckily I had both George and my gun, the modified pass into nearly anything. Naturally the guys were checking me out, as with some of the girls. Not just for security purposes either, much more enticing looks were shared with me. They also decided to inform me on a few things while George went elsewhere. Saying the Pedal is only a chemically crafted reaction when using the machine, it only looks as such a thing because of our eyes capabilities. Such a beautiful sight, and yes, this places was bugged.

The rest of the day, Geoege and I went out separate ways. I found myself just trying to sleep. Which a decent three hours were gained. Not much more then that, too many thoughts rattling my brain. Though at least I've found myself comfortably settled in at George's place. Or my own. Another step forward.

_-July 15, 2137UH

Always the best way to start the day, dreams of terror. At George's place no less, in is comfy bed next to his lone body. Though I don't recall much, there was pitch darkness, only sounding screams and crying footsteps chattered. Literally shaking the ground around me, my sight into the darkness couldn't keep focus. Which is why I have grave doubt about my future with George Ganst. Perhaps Brourge might have been my destiny from the very beginning, could I have been mistaken? Regardless, found the calendar in my diary. Ever since my sister found it, couldn't take any chances. Had to bring it with me. And waking up early thanks to my terror drenched nightmares. Found that this day would have to be reserved for my ex lover. So, sneaked past George and out of our apartment. Even getting a ride over to Brourge's bar, from one of my present lover's servants. The entire time in George's blue car, I found myself getting ready. Hiding the bracelet of my present lover, while his servant hadn't been looking. Higher up on my arm. Though I freaked when Brourge's had been left on the shelf at my families home.

So indeed, unready for the day ahead of me. Had to also write a note for the servant to take back as ensuring their safety. Because she did leave without getting any form of permission first, even if I had been the apartment's lady. Even his own, women, being myself. I'm more then sure he would understand. Luckily I'd also gotten dress in the car, no need to look like a complete slob. And I got off a little way from the bar, as to make sure Brourge didn't see me with anything suspicions. That could give him proper cause as in asking questions and snooping about. Didn't need that shit, now that my bugs were draining me into a ghost. Seriously, while with my lovely ex, Brourge. Passed out four different times, fucking ridiculous.

Approaching the busy, many parked cars and loud noise emitting from within, bar. Remember what Brourge had done to Jenny I slowed my walking pace from the side of the road. Into the gravel parking lot. Upon reaching the doorway, I was only below the overhang. Still on the gravel, deciding this had been a horrible idea. Turning around, I found the sun was just beginning to rise into the sky above. Then a wicked smile came over me, telling me it would be alright. I could just bug all of our places of inertest without actually having to meet the bastard. It was a great idea, until Brourge appeared. As he jumped form the ceiling onto myself, slamming me into the rocky gravel below us. Surprise, fucking surprise, though he was not acting himself. He just didn't laugh or even grin. I expected some form of laughter, yet nothing occurred. I had to grin, for him to briefly grin. Already, it was horribly for me. Guilt started boiling as I went to touch the bracelet of Brourge which wasn't there. Yet I stuck to the plan, requesting a small breakfast and a bottle of liquor. He was astonished by my request, for the alcohol. We moved inside.

He just seemed, 'Broken', yeah the prefect fitting word for that odd feeling. Unfornatily, my first thought had been my doing. Which I began to cry a single tear every few minutes when eating and drinking. Brourge too had a small bottle of liquor. Staring into my meal, our eyes only met when I brought something up into conversation. Everything about him, was depressed. Did he know? I thought while my sense could only dick around. I didn't know what I do. However, I stuck to my objective to be achieved. Plant the bugs, which had been done with ease. While pretending to the use the restroom. Hate my other side too, making me try and show him I knew everything. That I'd been trying to fight off and stay delusional to such facts. Guilt dried, some time ago on my hands. Clear and simple as that, but its bullshit. Brourge betrayed me first, his own damn fault.

Actually, the alcohol didn't have much of an affect as I thought it would. Nor did it affect him, as I planted my bugs and we found ourselves heading to the silo. In which, he always stayed ahead of me. Allowing my little pieces of metal to be thrown about. Of course this is where my first black out occurred. Waking up, while Brourge carried me with my arm over his shoulder. His first act of kindness since we met this day. And his only, I didn't think it would disturb me so greatly, but him not caring what I drank or ate worried me. Yeah, all chosen by myself. He didn't a word to the waitress, I missed his hyper self. Why didn't I have the nerve to ask what had been wrong. Would of made me feel better to have been shouted down at. Then made to watch as my life was rewritten. That's a strange word to even mark down, but that's my life. Its not like it used to be. I'm displaced and guilt wrenched, fuck!

Even after waking, with Brourge helping me, he did nothing more or said not a word. Of any sort of acknowledgement that I'd been hurt. Yet I knew the feeling, yet not a word spoken about its occurrence. He must of known what happened all along. It must have been, so the only thing left to do. Carry out my destiny, just easier now is all. Hopefully Brourge will commit suicide or something. Do us both a favor, stop the pain on both sides at once. Since he did nothing to me, and out usual meeting had been nothing more then me talking to him. Asking questions, in which he answered. I had to touch him, yet he did nothing in return. IN fact, he'd been turned off or just plain uncomfortable about the whole situation. So yeah, my physical urges were left completely unresolved. The fucking bastard didn't care in the least, though all the bugs worked. I checked them while leaving. Calling George for another ride back, damn Brourge. couldn't help but think of him and what I did. He was returning in full force. Because tonight, while alone outside. I bashed my stomach in. Coughing up blood into the dumpster, luckily no one was around. I'm sickened with myself now. Thanks Brourge, fucking bastard, die!

With my missions objective for the day complete. George picked me up, we spent the day together. Messing about, he bought me new clothes and such. I blacked out once in the mall. George didn't notice, but another women helped me back up from the floor. Luckily, I didn't do anything like that again. Close one indeed, the rest of them occurred throughout this night. I tired to ensure I'd be alone. To have delivered my guilt relieving punishment in Brourge's name. As with making my true identity unknown stay unknown with the people I live with. Damn hassle it is. Another lucky event occurred this day. Hd dinner with my lover and his slaves, didn't black out once. However, once I checked the bugs, only those within Brourge's bar at the silo were active. The rest at the apartment, airport, harbor, train station, and SQH were all non existent.

What in the Iron Moth is happening, could it be Brourge or another? Maybe those Military superiors, who have decided to target me. Fuck! Perfect ending to the perfectly horrible day.

One problem after another, god damn!!!

_-July 20, 2137UH

During the week, I found myself trying to contain the stress. Juggle between George and Brourge in my life as with the reopened community gaining life back. Yeah, those fucking obnoxious weekly island community meetings have started up. And that, we held a large big damn Iron Moth praying bullshit. It was the worst, wasting all that time. While I sat there in agonizing painful pressures. Changing as if a flock of birds were inside my being, continuously changing its movements. I tired undoing the stress draining bugs of mine, but I just was unable to separate one from the other. Might lose them all. And indeed, can't sense them anywhere in the vicinity. Someone must be restraining my ability. Fuckers, so there I sat all week. Trying to redo most of the bugs. Having to risk my relationship with George, going to such restricted places again. Feeling shitty as one could ever feel. Worse then that, I'm still unsure who I desire more. My ex or recent lover. Saddens me, no matter the amount of sex he and I had. Which I mean George. It felt as if nonexistent. Even he is beginning to see my lack of effort now.

Then of course, had a lovely chat at the community. Someone called me a yellow Government sucking bitch. It gave me some grinning memories, for an instant. Thought restraining him to the wall of a near by building next to the Iron Moth statue. Making us both invisible to the normal people entirely. Then chopping his dick off. With the extensive pleasure of witnessing him privately being the justified dying mental assaulter he had been, yet nothing. I grinned for a god damn few seconds. Then blacked out. Arriving upon a buildings roof top. Above the scene where people noticed my justified acted person dead near the Iron Moth statue. I stayed up there, kneeling down in our lord's presence. Praying forgiveness for the death of that unforgivable man. Tarnishing the future queen had to be quickly resolved to ensure no other ideas were found.

Thinking back now, this Saturday being I'm writing this day. Fousing my aura daily, thinking about the investigation, ensuring I don't pass out entirely. Not sure what to do anymore. My concentration is getting worse. Of course my meaning is to not black out again. Did so many times in the week. Even twice this day, what is my other self trying to teach me by allowing my mind to be lost? Though yeah, my justified person of public attention who had been killed by my very hands. Seemed to have said such horrible words to his, to be Queen, because my partner is a Government scum. Not that I disagree much with that statement, but who else is there? Though I'm still unsure about what Brourge may be, George is most surely Government. Since Brourge attacked the entire island, but that does not mean he's Military or Government. Because both sides had treatment for the cancerous machine equipment. Why would either side of this continuing Civil War want to eliminate lower subordinates? Are they even fighting for the island? How is this a Government secret carrying island when the Military occupies most of it?

Don't understand what's happening, never did, and now its more confusing then ever before.

Fuck it.

Onto this relaxing, more then any other day since my bugging symptoms began with the Sperack Island investigation. And apart from a splitting headache of a switch moment which lasted a minute longer then I would have ever desired again in my life time. couldn't hold my urine, pissed myself at George's place. Luckily I had already been staring when it occurred. Good going my other self, I guess it knew before me. Which had been lucky of lucky moments. Could of made quite the bed embarrassing mess of things. Then while taking a shower, head a continuous jungle sounding. But no one else could hear it in this morning when I asked them about it. George of all people allows me to admire his watch as he explains there is a surprise today. Which will help clear up my pale skin condition. Which sort distracted me from the watch specifications. Its crafted groves of a dead artistically profound world. I even now, still wonder what it must have been like to live there. Back in the days before war, corruption, and a UHEG. Bet it was peaceful.... Sunny, like it was today, no wind. Just warmth, no icy bits to speak of.

Oh, the surprise trip had been to another island, near another land mass entirely. We took the helicopter again, using more modern landing techniques. We sort of landed on the ground and jumped off, a few feet from the ground. Into tall long lusciously green plants of fine sculpture. George later informed me, the island we were on, is an artificial landmass created by his word. Since it would be the home they might move into after marriage. It made me smile quite the fair, even running and skipping with he. Had all been very enjoyable, allowing me to forget about the pain. For quick moments at a time, of course, it couldn't last forever.

We spent most of our time together getting drunk, high, and sexually explicated with myself teasing him and forcing such a little scared boy to my every whim. This day had been the relief I desired for so long. Think I'd be dead by now if not for my Georgey. We got undressed in the second floor of the house. And yes, we were completely alone on our artificially created island. And soon it could be connected to an actual landmass, near by. Combining both island into one in this case. This larger island was much more industrious then my home. So shouldn't get lonely if I choose George over Brourge. Not sure anymore. But the house upon such a hilltop. Absolutely gorgeous it had been, hes a show off, as usual just the way I like it. Acting first and thinking later, much easier to control that way.

Had a lot of fun on the beach, spent most of the day there. In the water, playing in those sands. Giving head underwater feels a bit odder then I had first assumed. The presure alone is astonishing, or perhaps I might of done something unconsciously. Then there had been the point where I burired George up to his neck, squatting onto that tongue wailing face of his. As he worshiped my being and person in full. Oh how his tippy wiggled about, its movements within me, and as I dripped with his words of paradise to my ears. In which we experimented further down the line, exploring all kinds of positions and teases.. Not sure I could walk away form this. Its such a fulfillment in my life, having such power over another. All that money, is even more of a reason, not to mention. George is happy as well, satisfied to the point of falling in love. With me of all people, how could I ever betray such a thing as specially gifted as such.

It was a good idea I brought my direy along, staying the night. But no matter the sex. I can barely feel much if anything at all. I hope the Iron Moth does not favor me poorly for my actions. Though at least I'm able to admire what could be my own, soon enough, the wooden floors and walls seem to have been crafted beyond a shiny warm perfection. Smooth for bouncing, solid enough to move without a squeaky alert, nor thin for a sound to echo in every room. All the furniture, objects, everything seem to be old fashioned. Wooden to perfection, he must have a fetish or something. Or could this be what it means for noblest in living life? Messed up world, yet I must still fancy the house. Our own memory contained paradise from which a Queen will arise.

_-July 21, 2137UH

Upon my flight, in early morning, back to Sperack. In my thoughts, only Brourge lingered. Getting back, I had taken a bus to my families home. I wanted to both quickly visit and even more so. Find my ex lover's letter for me to have been waiting somewhere. Asking dad, who both was a bit tired yet flared with excitement in seeing me. Told me, no such letter has arrived. Nor any sort of book. That would have been about fighting and combat, as with its writer being Brourge himself. Yet nothing, not a god damn thing. That being the start of my day. It seems things. Just my heart seems to know something I don't or in the least my other self. But whatever their either trying to tell me, I'm not sure what he did to me is even retractable. And still hope remains, as with George being left in the shadows of the nonexistent. Its not fair.

The strain lessoned a bit today, those quick meditating aura sessions seem to be helping the draining bugs of mine. Yet I just focused on the good, got to move back into with my folks this day. Which had been why I left early from the island of George's. It made me feel a bit more at home, to a point. Didn't do much with the investigation, I found myself in danger of my own being. So priority seemed to had switched at such a time.

Spent the day with my family, that alone did great things. However what I feel did the most, the staring snake outside on the moist shiny green grass in out back yard. All I know, we were nearly four feet from one another. Then, upon our eyes locking, a trace began. The voice of my mother seemed to break it. But after such hypotheses, or whatever it may have been. Felt the stresses of those bugs disappear. The love of my being vanished from existence. Both its pleasures and pains, not sure. But only after the sky cleared and the sun finally rained over us. I felt happier then I've ever been in a long time, yet can't remember what I did. Realizing it does not matter, for I felt happy for it. That's the most lonely explanation I've found to come up with. Then again that's coming form a person who carried a coexisting imaginary living dagger and can change into a large vicious jellyfish. Couldn't take that seriously even if I was insane, or talked to a lover which I too found our hearts intertwined.

Found many things laughable, before and after the sun had set for the day. With and without my family about. Even if the memory from the day is almost non existent. I seemed to be able to pick up on it little by little. Almost like my other was more then aware of the physiological state. In an instance decided to help me. Releasing memory by memory to ensure I wouldn't get depressed. Not to mention, couldn't see any of my bugs or their information. Now that's real teamwork, yourself taking care of yourself. Hopefully Brourge is not as depressed. Speak of which, I want to learn how to communicate with my other self causally. None of this changing into my natural form or whatever. Too much of a hassle and attention grabbing. It would be awesome to know what they might be, needless to say. Its has to be done if I desire my Queenship.

And while we are on that topic of love, play, choosing. Okay, I'm about 30 years in age. Just sort of awoken to the world. I'm a follower to Brourge. Who is my Leader, while being a Leader myself to George. Who is my follower, Brourge is about 20 years old. With my love in his 40's. This is a complex equation, how is it even possible to have existed? Though a fun little puzzle to solve. Never the less, nerving. Am I a follower or Leader? How can someone be both, either their one or the other, right? I enjoy having power over George yet begging on my knees with Brourge's hand slapping me in defiance. What the fuck, why didn't I realize this earlier.

I feel, a comprehension has been reached about the partnerships with my lovers. Everyone is a follower and Leader, just depends on the situation. That's all, there will always be something you meet up with that's superior or inferior. So much for role decisions and sticking with something when achieved, apparently only social induced bullshit. Brourge, I really do love him. He and his little awakening words always seem to do the most. Why, why, did he have to break my heart for his.

Thank you, my true love!

July 22, 2137UH

What a fucking day, one damn surprise after another. Non stop rollercoaster riding into and out of reality. To start out form the morning, waking up with my family was a lovely twist on things. Got to both be around them and know they were untouched by the on going flourishing Civil War. Always a plus, but ever since last night. There was a greater surprising moment, my stress from the bugs. Were virtually gone, entirely. As if they hadn't even existed, thought initially I freaked out in worry of that person or people who sabotaged my bugs the last time. But no, before, they were jamming my view. As with that draining feeling zapping all such energy away. However later in the day, my other who popped its head up. With myself blacking out, writing me a message in the dirt. Expressing, briefly, that they had done me a favor, separating the bugs from the displaced ones. Allowing me to relax, made me smile. One positive surprise, followed by another.

The rest of the day, my other self seemed to try and communicate actions that would benefit me greatly. So, taking the other's advise. I used a certain technique, allowing pressure to conceal my being. As I teleported myself to various locations. Placing the bug into their rightly places. No one could see me, hear me, touch me, nothing of the sort. So not only could I maximize the radius of my little spying bugs in these various locations. But also have found my other self wishes my best. Wants to help, and is not as indifferent with me as I first thought. As with other clues being left for me. How to focus my aura into itself, suppressing the draining from the new bugs. How to efficiently, wasting very little energy at all. While still continuing my investigation.

I must admit, that besides when Brourge had been around, I never would of guessed. That a smile would last so long upon me. As if a happy shadow, following, no matter where or what had happened. Such a grand feeling today. Everything falling back into place, as it should have been. Though I had to keep watch for those person who stole them the last time. They wouldn't be fooled by such low of a invisible barrier. Luckily they were not my troubles or whatever had done that. Nope, today, Brourge surprised me.

Found George being carried off by his slaves into our home from the blue car of his. I stopped on by, after of course one of them called me. Left me a message anyhow, to my it was very dark out. Nigh had already fallen, by the time I finished setting all my bugs up again. Only form those places they originally had been put. Nothing new bugged or heard though, same old notes. Which aren't much. And it got better, Brourge had beaten down on George. Saying such things as stealing his lover. This should teach him, he should be careful who he steals away. I completely denied everything. And when going to the scene of the crime. Well, the library, which had opened up by the time of the Island Community meetings, had. It had been reduced to nothing but rubble. With few fires still continuing to burn in the night. The fire fighters were already around extinguishing the flames.

Seems my ex lover, knew everything after all. Finally must of snapped, so Jenny must really have been killed after all. I'm sorry dearest, for such questioning disbelief in your words. I'll take Brourge out of his misery. For better or worse, thus my own guilt will dissipate as well. Everyone will be happier without the fool. Too bad, the bugs in his bar and silo had not relieved anything. They must know about that as well, damn it.

At least the warm faces from which my family wore. When arriving home this evening, brightened me up, greatly. It's a step forward.

_-July 27, 2137UH

Throughout the week, found George half dead in his our private apartment residence. Seems he survived the night, apparently I had to leave since his Mentor or Master wanted to have a few words with him. Fucking prick, found my heart did beat heavily for him. Never the less, Brourge being hunted. Just the thought alone sent in shivering shock, of him being killed. couldn't erase the imagery from my mind. The worry continued to burn into my being from then on. Of course neither them found the time to reply to my letters. Luckily got to spend a little time with George before he had to be taken away. As with my family, before the week had been used up. The community could of died alright, they weren't much of a troublesome nuisance. It did freak me out afterwards. No one could look me in the eye, as if George retuned my status to the Island people. Or they knew what I was, which in that case. Again I panicked quite a bit.

As for my ex, the fucking lying depressed snapped murderous bastard he was. Well, had to create an excuse to skip our little meetings. Instead, using my notes from the bugs in those hospitals. Looked around, found the reports and evidence of tampering. Giving me the answers I desired most. Yet I felt them, those hands who had taken the bugs before. They must of noticed my heightened sense. So they sustained from stealing anymore. Oddly enough, but it at least kept me busy till the worry for boy my boys dissipated.

Was able to confirm the attack and cover up by the Government and Military. They were, almost working hand in hand. As if an agreement to give away Sperack Island was granted. Of course found only the puzzle after some piecing together over the month of note after note from numerous conversations my bugs picked up on. Also found the time to bug the church for our leaders to slip their tongues. Heard little, but not enough yet.

That had been my joyful week and Saturday. Had to move back in with George, more so his servants then himself. At least I got my damn privacy. Found it impossible to sleep when night came, could only think about what's happening and why. Listening to other from records from the bugs. Though I did smile once, no stress as before. Such a wonderful feeling it was.

My belly seems to have been gaining a bit lately, just noticed it. Might be pregnant, doubt it, made sure I disintegrated my cannel whenever I did play about. A bit worried, could be an infection, yet I'm sure my other self would notify me if something had been wrong.

_-July 28, 2137UH

Another manless day it seemed, only went around my precious sold out island. From which so many died, in a simple hidden transaction agreement by the higher ups in this continuing Civil War. Fucking bastards, and my family is on the expendable list. Of course, I'm get them for that. They will find this land belongs to their Queen. Just the thought alone made me sing so passionately in my mind. Alone, yet moving places in this world. Bugging a few more places then I missed last time around. Making them all much more accurately effective for their purposely had to.

Only today, my switch moment came, and I found my period occurred last week so. Thanks to my other side, within. didn't notice either of them. Only had to endure some sudden shocking pain and lust. As with the switch moment, it had been a very odd one this day. While passing any Shenn Que Corporation logo/advertisement. I couldn't take my eyes off it, or even blink. Damn scary, it had been. Freak me out beyond my own belief. From mid day of this somewhat cloudy windy day. Found myself trying not to look at any of the usual things. Might get glued in a sense. Didn't need to cause any panic. Or gain any more unneeded attention.

Speaking of being or getting undesired attention, the whole being a traitor thing seemed to have disappeared. Not one person has mentioned it to me, then again most of the time I'm hidden myself from their sights. Even walking on the streets, didn't want to be seen. My tolerance seems to be dwindling, even their eyes seem to cause me great fear and hate.

As for the minimal pain, suddenly squirting out into a toilet seat. After a single word from my other self in a reflection while using the restroom. Well, it would explain why my belly seemed abnormally getting a bit bigger without much cause or reason. One problem solved, yeah.

Then almost immensely afterwards, I found myself searching the streets, hidden. Looking for a man to rape. As insane as that might sound, its all my eyes could desire. So, heading over to Brourge's bar, found a few drunkies. Took them both up elsewhere, in the middle of nowhere on Sperack island. Transporting of course, I knew what was happening. Just couldn't stop myself.

No matter what I saw myself doing, they were not that drunk. Only had been drinking a bit. I knew my other self was most likely involved. So I just went with it, what could it hurt?

Both were somewhat younger, most likely richy bastards. They smelled almost like George, near his age. Lesser though, yet paper pushers in the end. Both seemed confused at what all happened. So I reveled myself, allowing them both to watch me slowly strip, in the dimming light of day. I highly doubt the hills would allow most of our island to see us. We were on the outskirts after all, not to mention the two boys were quite captivated. From seeing myself pantieless, taking off the pants. Then my jackets, bra, spinning myself in dance. Allowing their hardened members to gradually grow. If I was going to fuck them, wanted something to fuck to begin with. Scaring them into submission might not be enough this time. Or worse one might have to be killed or pinned down. Not sure. But I began to talk with them. Asking if they would be so humble as to take their own clothes off. To join me on the ground, both seemed to agree in saying "no".

That was the wrong answer, my dagger appeared behind them. Playing peek or boo, as if looking at me. As my eyes followed, the boys of mine sort of began to get a little spooked. I healed that though, Quickly closing my eyes, thrusting my cunt into the air several times as night's darkness came to cover us three from the light of consciousness. I made sure no one could see or hear us any longer. Nor could they escape from the boxed barrier. With a few left and right thrusts. I sliced off their arms. But singed their wounds, quickly they barely could feel anything. Even though I easily found such sensation pleasure. Could feel the slicing of bone through each clean singed slash.

One fell backwards onto the ground, the only tried to run away, falling to his knees. The only way I could tell either of them apart. Opening my eyes, I saw them in their desperate freaked out states of being. My dagger found its way, around their clothing's, only nipping their skin. Leaving lines of bleeding blood. As my lips between the legs found themselves dripping in anticipation. As I walked toward the first, still struggling in wonderful screams of agony as the dagger continued its declutching methods. Though gripping hold of his cock seemed to calm some of those screams. Not that they were a annoying, most something though it made fucking them a bit difficult. Didn't need to put anymore strength in retaining them to my wishes, might kill them. Unlike his little friend who I might of strangled. But who also tired to lean through my barrier. What a laugh of chuckles, gave such an amusing pathetic show.

With all the moans, dripping juices forming between us, I really wanted to get the other guy to pus himself with me. Quite the enjoyment to have seen my two captives enjoying their forced sexual adventure. Amazing indeed, though the other guy was a bit busy with trying to escape. So I finished orgasming with the first guy I had. Then, when going to the next. There wasn't a cock between his legs only feminine lips mimicking my own. Taking my time, as only guy seemed to be moaning in the darkness for me. Trying to get upon his feet. My dagger, or other self, occupying itself by mingling. While I personally found my own fascination with the male female thing. Never had I witnessed one in person, something mentioned in Brourge's books. But damn, its weird, yet so curiously devouring. A little voice inside my head agreed with me. Lets see what this mimicked cunt could really do?

One thing led another, my hands got socked in feminine male juices as with my own. So yes, I fisted them. Tickled, teased, found every little button I could. Then pressed down, hard enough to feel myself burst in pleasure. Then another idea came along, after the forcing of the mixed person. I wanted to see if the cock of our actual male of the group could properly fuck their friend. But upon walking over to the first of my victims. The dagger, being my other self seemed to have slit his throat. He had already been dead. So I turned back around to the only other of my victims. And told it the things we were about to do, snatch their eyes out. Listening to the orgasmic screams as they shivered in bone slitting agony. My own legs were blasting away in the night with this thing before me.

I should of known what would of occurred with the first one, since I did leeve them alone. As for the other, I tore the entire fully functional cunt out form their body. Seems it was a women who became a man. Never knew the ladder of evolution worked that way. In time passed by further, I washed off the juices and blood in the waters upon the shores near by. Strong waves, yet nothing I couldn't handle. Incinerated the bodies before hand, scattered their ashes into waves after washing up before returning to my apartment. Alone, without George, still.

Alone, I am, this night. Again, pondering on life, thinking about what happened. The experience, gained, its war after all. Nothing is ever too much, they were just Government anyhow, wrong place wring time. I hold no guilt in the least, they enjoyed their lives. While it lasted, of course.

_-July 29, 2137UH

Unfortunately, George is still held up for medical services so I was left to hang out with Brourge. Fuck that, decided to send him a quick letter through the mail. He quickly had sent me one through one of his workers. From the bar, that guy with the scar across, over his eyes. Asking why I canceled another meeting. Of course it being oral, we found each other just wandering the city. Luckily, without George, the other scenario might of caused some real trouble. Then again, my ex already knew about my love affair between us. George has both the wournd and burned down library proving it. I just walked away from the guy, whatever the fuck his name was. Not saying anything at all, I already left the situation entirely. And that had been the end of that. However, I feel, he might do something drastic. Hopefully it hadn't been anything that foolish. Just the mention of Brourge is still rippling my hateful blood, boiling at times.

My bugs did pay off, mainly did snoop around the island and found what I desired in confirmation. Of such information, the reason why the Sperack Island Community Leaders were all assassinated. Along with their family members, none being left alive. Of course, setting the little spies of mine up at the church of the Iron Moth. Were the final piece, more or less pieces. The puzzle is peerering through. They were all Government, higher ups on the ranking scale. They signed the documents for our Overlords, in transferring Sperack Island into the Government from Military being occupied territory. Basically a clearing of the land for the other. They are the very same who control the UHEG, and are called the Mind 10. The former leader's families were related to them, at least the hospital records and talks from the new leaders of the island community show signs of this. Its seems to all fit, I can't believe and still don't understand all that's happening though.

The families who serve the Mind 10, they were all related to those who live on Sperack Island. Were the pervious Island Community Leaders, and were Government. Singed the paperwork to get the land, then were assassinated. Why? Whats the point? Who would dare do it? It might have been what caused the Civil War to erupt on this island. But still, why the cancerous machine, the sinister movements in their dealings in ensuring their island was clear? Why kill so many Military? Why did the ATTO allow their people to be slaughtered? Decided to hide information from them through ranks? Why does the Military have an active team on Sperack who are still destroying. I saw them, more then once, even heard through those bugs. They might had been the one's trying to kidnap me. If that's true, since they were responsible for killing the some of the younger family members of the community leaders. They might be rouge individuals who were sick of the lies thus stood up. Or is it a double cross by the Military over giving the land away?

There is just too much room for an error, but I gather from what I've heard. Which also included rumors about the Military special Freak forces. This does lead some clues at to what's happened thus far. They were probably trying to recruit me, into their ranks, as Brourge stayed. I'm quite valuable, and ultimately have no allegiance yet. Could be very possible, they have been rumored to have killed many. On both sides of this war, trying to bring back the flames of burning destruction. That the older, and original Civil War offered to those who supported its dealings. But why? Again, that makes no sense to me. I know the ATTO is, for whatever reason, pulling their support from their supposed island. As withholding information from its loyal people, allowing them to die as if just worthless trash to be taken care of. Very possible to see many of those commoners, like myself, ganging up and trying to bring attention to our uproarious within the Military itself. I must find these people, talk with them again. But, today, ever since finding this out. Or even before this day, have not had any luck tracing anyone that was a Freak. Like myself. But as for Brourge.

Jenny mentioned something about her own relations on this island. Why? They were placed on this island for a long time, what had been the reason. If they were Government? Was it to protect the UHEG's personal interests in the families who served them as with Shenn Que headquarters? But then they were the ones who laid down the cancerous equipment to clear the land. Was it a coincidence? Just an order from one of the higher ups? But that's crazy, if Brourge and George were Government orientated. Why don't they know one another, I doubt secrets are that scarce. Then again, only jumping to conclusions, Broken Hourglass, a terrorist group. Are they the rouges, or commanding them to start the Civil War? Easily might be the answer, since the only reason Jenny and Brourge were plastered over the screens on the island. If not the world, were because one had been an obsessed lover while my ex only seemed to love me.

Then again, Brourge ran away from both sides of the playing field, not just the Government or Military. Yet both seemed to be after him, or sent the police on those raids. Why does all of this have to be so fucking complex. My heads about to explode from all this damn thought. As with my little missing reptile stalker, have no idea where it fits in. Wonder what its not been around for such a time.

However this day ended with myself in the mirror, crying away the hours. Which I feel will continue lat erinto the night. That scaring on my nose, I'd completely forgotten. That went the same with my ears, they were the reason I had been a nothing in this world. When in reality, my destiny had always been clear. Followed by many past memories. Most of which were not shatted by the lies and conflicts. I'm standing on nothing, right now, that's my life. There is nothing before or after, only my family. Yes, my family seems to be the only linkage to this world. They must know me greater then I know myself, or had I been a freak accident? No, they must be aware. At least my older sister seems to be musch more aware about everything then anyone else in our family. Still, the overwhelming sadness still continues. I'll be crying myself to sleep this night. Wishing for the memories of my past self disappears as to never harm anything again.

***

CHAPTER 8: AUGUST

_-August 3, 2137UH

During the lovely week, I solved one problem. The mysterious thief of my many bugs. Actually, he found me, taking a relaxing underground train ride to a routine destination. But there had been a crash, and now that I'm trying to recall. A bit fuzzy, to say the least. However, know this much. That man shoved a small little plastic bag upon my lap. Of course, I had been laying back in my seat. Eyes closed when the bag of rattling metals. Oddly enough, without much surprise, had been my little nails and tools. Which were, indeed, my bugs. And the man who found me shocked in amazement. As with emitting fearful rage burning within. I would have loved to stretch that fucking scar a bit more around his head. Kouk, that horizontally scaring through his eyes. Still vividly remember that much, that man, Brourge's boy. Maybe even Jenny's which fills me with guilt. She could have been manipulating our entire relationship from the start. Fucking cunt. Regardless of the suddenly falling to the floor and into other people as with dangerous objects in my path. The safety precautions on the underground train seemed to allow less then any fatalities. Naturally, Kouk disappeared in the dust of the crash. And yes, everyone had to take numerous ground level forms of transportation. They seemed unhappy, or a few had such faces displease. Being alive held no value, go figure, rich bastards.

Whatever, I also know it had been one of Brourge's little boys. The necklace of a 'broken hourglass' is sort of a unique marker. No matter who wears it, or who it may be. I doubt. One person, from that rouge Military would parade themselves as someone else. Or would they? I know what I saw. As with who they were, and I checked into Brourge's bar. Its been closed down. No cars, people, boarded up windows, door, etc. Even the silo had been locked up. Though the cave had been accessible. Didn't enter it, couldn't, he may have been there. Speaking of which, while on the premises. Shivers of anxiety found itself homely among my being. Luckily, during part of the week. I found George back home, it was lovely to find ourselves pouncing to the deed of urgency. Found such excitement in making him beg and apologize for holding my pleasure up for so long.

Actually, tried something new with George. While I'm writing this passage. Or this section, before he and I found ourselves hopping onto the walls as with the bed. Bringing back the noise of creaking business into existence. Shaking off the cobwebs, it felt like he had made a full recovery. As for the new thing I tried. While writing this, hate it when I get so sidetracked. Guess the flicking tongue's invitation is much more desirable then I originally anticipated. Or I love him, not sure anymore about all that. Though, sitting on his face, with my lips directly in his tongues wake. Continuously reminding me of his servitude, loving care, as with the goal of pleasure for his leader. Its called face sitting, far as George is concerned. Sadly, cant say it had been my idea. No the credit this time, goes to my lover. Oh the sensational inspiration through power, nothing compares. Then the magnitude of loves obedience, just priceless. The mysterious life and its practices never seem to cease in surprising me.

For most of the week, since early on Kouk showed himself. I only had a few more, main, objectives to achieve in my plans. Ensuring my satiability and security. Besides Brourge, learning more from him, which I've been making one excuse after another. Its happy to know he's not contacted me in person, only over the phone or any other device. But my lying seems to keep him at bay for the time being. I have a list of questions for my ex, they keep piling up. He'll have to wait his turn though. So at gun point, we'll talk for as long as he wants. Maybe George can lend me some hired arms or something. Its something to keep in mind, since he too is now enemies with the same thing.

Nope, have the Military Base to bug and scope out. As with the Power Plant, even some more higher official's offices within the city. Though number one of them all would have to be the rouge Military crew, the special ops which seem to be the trouble makers in all of this. Jump starting the Civil War, again. A portion is just to much I feel. Yet spent most of my time looking for them. Nothing heard or found, so thus my curiosity for the buildings I've been having problems peering into through my methods. Which George will solve, as always.

Oh yeah, the Military Academy. Gave me a personal harsh tone, when I came to take my exams. Saying if I miss any more classes they'll kick me out. Said whatever had been needed to get the bastards out of my face. George and I spoke of it, for he knew the present situation. Keeps an eyes on me, flattering. Requesting, that if I ever wanted to transfer to the Government Academy, all I needed to do was ask. It was all irrelevant in my mind, Queen's teach themselves. Or gain power through force, no administration voting and or decisions. Their all fools, every last one.

As for today, at one point early on. George dropped me off at the Power Plant, after some teasing playfulness through intimacy. With one subtle kiss, they gave me a personal tour. Its great to have the recourses, no need to do much of anything to get what you desire. However, it had been both a disappointing time. And yet a informative experience. Nothing exceptionally new. But they used and unlimited supplied material, known as 'Metral', most certainly that had been the world. Its very unstable and dangerous to handle. Most of those fools who handled, foolishly, that particular material. Found themselves mutating. And yes, that's not the official news. Only hidden secrets, my single tour guide was hitting on me. Though I didn't find her that appealing, so I turned down. Just machinery packed from one side to the other. Ceiling from the floor, nothing more then machines draining the energy harvested from the metal blocks. Supposedly known as 'Metral'. Yet I planted the spies, of course. I found myself with nothing to show, no expansion of my investigation.

That had been until the islands airport called my completely attention. Someone or something in the area was strong. I wanted to find out who, I mean immensely, Energy pouring out, or so I thought. When in the Power Plant's restroom, transported myself to the airport. Near my little bugs of alerting. And there it had been. The Freak, walking about. Unnoticed by anyone, just looking puzzled in all directions. Between the planes, passengers, helicopters, I sort of tagged along, spying. Until coming out into the open. Though walking up to him was a task in and of itself. Both an embarrassing and fright with the mixture of comfort overwhelmed me. My sense had me glancing at my own skin. For his familiar textures. We had similar fecial features, our skin had also been reflective. As if we were the same race, I'm sure that's what my other self wanted me to figure out. Which I did, though I never mentioned it to him. The man of such oddness. And before he and I spoke. I ensured no one could see or hear me. That way, no interruptions. Besides were in the middle of the day. The sun was beginning to set, we were both in direct orange vapor shades from the sun.

He had dark dark thick hair, ear length, and jelled. Parted mainly to his left side. His skin, though a bit darker then my own. It carried that same unmistakable plain paleness. Eyes thinned, clean shaved with no facial hair. Smaller noise, and mouth. We were similar in height and size. Though he wore no shoes, walking about barefoot. Out in public, was just another listed oddness he seemed to carry. As with a very flowing and smoothness to his personally. I guess that helped me be comfortable with him. Even if we talked briefly. He must have been an Asian, as they referred to myself and even Adam being. He and I might have been related. To bad I had been shy and worse, blushing.

When he found I could see him, he looked around and his face was in disbelief. We didn't talk about the whole concealment thing, or aura usage. Just casual conversation, but he was checking me out as we greeted one another. Considering I hadn't been wearing any panties this day, I felt he knew. So, enough said. As for his other clothing, it was very suitish. Almost like a uniform. Except no tie, never have seen a dark pink matching outfit. Sure he gets all sorts of looks. Though I'm more then sure that all he wore, there was nothing all that particular. Unbuttoned sleeves, slightly folded back. If he was a superior in Government or Military, he didn't seem professional. And I say, the matching suit had been the only layers of clothes. Was for the bulging in his paints after we were chatting for awhile. He was getting excited and yes I could clearly see his bare pecks. Which gave me some trouble keeping control over things.

We exchanged names, eventually, after the little laughing and more certainly flirting. Then things got seriously sour. And I was fearful of what was to happen, my sense mainly changed the mood on its own. He called himself Mark, and I Ploon. He seemed disappointed in hearing my name. We shook hands, then he asked me about where the Military Base was located. I stated the locations quadrants, placement on the island. Expressing that the train was out of order. He Didn't seem surprised, only gazing away, as his sexual desire died. He then scratched his chin, before walking off. The silence as he did, was nerving, I looked around. And I couldn't, he expressed 'Good Luck' before disappearing. Though in those few minutes, something held me there. I couldn't move my body. Even stressing my body to soreness, it didn't matter. That Mark, seemed to be something new. He might of know who I was, would it be alright to kill him? Who was he? Why was he here? Damn it!

He, that damn stranger forced me into a depression, I just forced my aura in a private part of the island. My usual place, where I found a finger of my latest victims of war. Reducing it to ashes, with a flinched. I must become greater, that's the only way my destiny is to come true.

_-August 4, 2137UH

Despite George had returned, everyone else seems to be willing in risking their lives. Testing my own, in the same process, well today had been the Scikle Sport Troughtdown, was surprised it reopened so quickly. But threre were my fellow teammates, in the girls locker room. They gave me odd looks. I shrugged it off, their commoners after all, fools from start to finish. Might as well give them pity, they need it. However, I found it very troublesome that there hadn't been any announcement at the Military Academy. Even notification fr me to know in coming today. I only had been curious, thus checked that arena. Then my lovely, or our lovely, coach came up to me. Personally asking that I leave. The letter in the mail, should of verified. I'd been cut from the team. There had been no explanation beyond that. That fucking bitch, just asked if I got the letter. Though, I kept in insisting for a reason. She turned away, then in one final attempt. Which the tall bitch had been getting annoyed. She yelled in my face, expressing my race. Traitorous actions, dangerous person, and disloyal because of a Government partner. Can't recall all those words of hate, exactly. That just exploded when I touched. Which did happen, decided to express myself in a reflective manner. By which, throwing one single punch into my excoach's face. She fell baack onto the hard cold floor of the locker room. Everyone had been in aww, I just looked around. Smiling, grabbed my stuff. Then walked out.

They did have security trying to catch up with me in the stadium, but I snuck into the restroom. Transporting myself elsewhere. Their pursuit stopped, and I cried. Something, that always lifted my spirt. Made me feel as a whole with the community, even if we were indifferent most of the time. At least we untied against the noblests. Now that's gone, one more aspect of my past. Disintegrated before my eyes. I'd been utterly powerless, not matter what I ascended to thus far. Though those feeling of hate were finally thrown out of my system. I thought of violating my coach, this night. After finding myself more secure, in my place of peace and relaxation. Upon the crashing waves, the shore of secluded acts. I squirted out, oragasming by that particular fantasying of such violation. Guess, actually doing it, just paced to much of a personal burden. Not sure why, maybe I'm not as monstrous as I first thought.

After which, I called George for a pick up, then went to the said road I'd been waiting at. We shared an intimate moment. Expressing each other's passionate desires and loving care. After hearing the words of my excoach stain my love's image. I had to show my affection, not sure if he even comprehended the situation. Most likely not in the least, and yes. It was all for my love, we even stopped on the side of the road to fulfill such a thing to its most proper extent. Taking our time, though in the end. He got to moan, I didn't. It wasn't something I desired. Still don't, Not in the way I've been treating my boys. Lying and hiding, that's really fucking mature of me. Regardless, they might betray me if they knew. At least George spoke his mind, emotionanly sustaining my confidence with this feelings of affectionate care. Which have lasted with me throughout the day.

Speaking of which, the bugs have only become a mere headache then what they used to be in the past. Speaking of which, Brourge and I met up again. Not long after getting dropped off from George's company then zapping elsewhere. Needless to say. We reached an agreement, to halt our relationship. To much stress thus far, we can pick up when I'm ready again. Which he agreed, without many comments. He wouldn't be around much, so it worked out perfectly. I'm very glad, my ex seems to have recovered beautifully. The sudden urge, with my mouth gapped down. Feelings arising, we had our talk in the bar. Just normal, no hiding. The business was closed down still. WE didn't say much else, barely looked at one another. And I just left. Not sure why, but ig Brourge would have asked. He could have had my body at his disposal. Even knowing my mind felt that way. I'm sickened with myself, having feelings of any sort for the man who desired to kill. Or has succeeded in eliminating the Military's population from my home. If it wasn;t for him, I'd be living a happy life. Not scrambling around, risking all, and trying to use any thing to further advance my standing.

Today, had been the only time that suicide felt like an option. What I see in my refection is not Ploon Reme Moren. But the very thing, she pleaded to destroy along side Brourge. Her true love, how could she had let everything slip so far. God Damn it!

_-August 5, 2137UH

Such a day of freedom, no family Brourge, George, or even much of anyone or thing that could of disturbed my time of peace. More so then my other self could of already done or did. Whichever, didn't care about any of it. Though it did hurt a bit, lying in George's face to get this day away. But he's only a tool, after all, why does he seem so blind?

Most of the day, it had been exceptionally wondrous. But it was not my boys, or anyone I knew personally. Nor lived around for most of my years. Speaking of which, what could those fools do anyhow. Their weak, thus I should have full control over such situations. Not saying I don't, just again my other self seems to get in the way. Perhaps it may help me in the end, unsure what their game might be. However, I know what's happening, my destiny is being fulfilled.

Yet during this free day, walking upon the rain drenched shores, to the soft muddy ground in natural bareness. In the mist of things, one of my bugs went off again. This time, I found it had been moved by another into one of the harbor's ships. A large transporter, in the lower levels. Which is where I found myself, even if it might have been a trap. Why not set it off, might lead to something new. Besides, has there ever been a conflict I've nearly died from, yet? No, is the answer. I'm safe, even if that annoying sense of mine screamed of danger. Which they was nothing to speak of. At first. Making myself invisible to the commoner's eyes, I had been concealed. Or would have been shot on sight within a Government ship. I would assume as much or they knew I'd been there. Whatever went through my mind, I ran away from their flashing lights. There had been a crowd of them, asking where "she" went. Mentioning moving my bugs too, that I should be there. Yet every time I went to get a good look at them, their flashlights blinded me. And I ran as their boots stomped in chase. Unfortunately, the whole night vision I processed seemed to be faulty. It didn't work their those lower levels. The commoner's must have been prepared.

However, I know the truth of the situation. It was less then twenty or so minutes afterwards. Upon arriving, searching, running, and the final confrontation. The mastermind, behind those people following me. Setting this ambush for me, in the bowls of such a ship. Ensuring I couldn't see in the dark, and catching me off guard. Which, luckily, had not been enough. I'd been much stronger then he predicted. The person of unknown identity and allegiance, though indeed is a Freak. Adam Peckerson, such vivid memories of him hanging about. From the raid at Brourge's family bar, the destruction of Jenny's apartment and that cancer machine, this would be the third time we've ran into each other.  
While running from the lights of nothingness, controlled by him and him alone. He and I met at the door of the ship which led to the light of day. Upon the deck, then down a ramp and into the Harbor. Once again, but that was his plan I assume. He wanted to read my mind. I recall Brourge's trickily feeling anywhere. On the contrary though, he had been fought off. Yet the whole slamming the door open, into me, while I had been running for my life. Almost knocked me unconscious, then again. I would of most likely destroyed the Harbored. But nothing like that happened. A simple movement out of the way, we met. Spoke a few words of greetings, while in heavy concentration into one another. While we passed through each other's company. I'd been able to leave and walk down the ramp, and once out of sigh I transported home. George's apartment, or our own. Only thing I recall from the ship, had been a sudden closing of the door behind me. By Adam, that pudgy Asian. Unmistakable he'd been. Shorter, heavy, pierced ears, and long strips of hair both on his front and back.

The point, who was Adam Peckerson?

Why did he chose me too ambush?

Even more intriguing would have to be, what did I know to make him put himself in a position to read me?

This whole situation just keep getting worse, shrouded in confusion. Though he didn't desire to hurt me, yet he could lead me to greater things in this investigation. That's if his real name had been the one he gave me. Maybe me might have been playing me for the fool.

_-August 10, 137UH

What a marvelously living fighting experience during the week, that really jolted myself into a high then fallen into George's apartment. Where his servants worked on me with such medical precision. I think they removed all the melted bullets and glass that may have climbed into me during the conflict of my life. Damn did I feel alive, if only it could occur everyday. Then again, all my classmates and teachers were shot dead, guess that's something I'd rather not repeat. Hated the lot of them, but they were mere children in comparison too myself. Truly a shame, yet at least their troubles in Sperack Island are over with, since the Civil War involved them they have nothing to fear of anymore. Fools....unable to survive.

Oh how to detail this experience of few, that might off aided in my investigation of what's really been happening on Sperack Island. I believe it had been soldiers in the UHEG army uniform, on their labels within the neck of the blood stained clothing. Those very same my hands personally slaughtered. But they all just came rushing in, trucks stopping outside in the parking lot and in the street. Heavy machineguns and long barreled automatic rifles were in their arms. They rounded up my class, the whole twelve and the one teacher, that were studying with us at the time. A movie was still silent playing from a projector machine in the way back. Displaying its motioned pictured content upon the white calk board. Yet the pictures spoke loudly, talking about aquatic life that went extinct before the UHEG could rise and save the environmental horridness humanity caused. It had a little song playing in the background, which hadn't been loud enough too hide the gunfire that busted on every floor. Outside and inside the rooms, blood splintered as the flames from each triggered bullet shot out of their auto riles.

All the while, as my blood boiled in that dark unlit room while the run shined against the closed blinds. Hiding behind a table, in my unseen phase of being, manipulating sight, or whatever it had been. Breathing out ecstasy rising within me through subtle escaping moans. The blood splashing upon the moving picture in the front of the room. Their rifles moving back and forth, lighting everything up in multitude second lasting flashes. Hmm, how my eyes grew and the dagger nudged my hand a bit, losing patience in waiting. As if knowing what we both wanted, naturally I wanted more then anything. A few armed persons of their team were looking at how too shut the projector off. They would of managed in doing that very thing if only I hadn't been so eager. Then again, just protecting myself, whether I enjoyed it or not doesn't matter. Mere self defense, ensuring my life didn't end right there. Simple, easy, care free, the people's lives were none of my responsibly anyhow.

My lovely dagger, spun about me, orbiting around while its tentacles danced below its handle. And I just walked up too them, breathing outward trying to settle myself before something foolish occurred. Yet, it did anyhow, besides I know they were searching for me. Looking around in the dark checking each of the dead bodies faces. Shaking their heads too each one, speaking, "Where is she, she should be, right?", yet before their search began. I drew blood, and their attention couldn't have more invigorating.

I stared at the first of two soldiers at the projector. The rounded top army helmet, imaged that damn helmet too pop off. It had done just that, the whole half of the women's upper skull. One unseen slice by my dagger, with a simple thought. Next the tentacle wrapped around my hand, grasping as I it so tightly. While the other toy pointed his gun into my face, and the dagger's blade swiftly into the barrel. While he pulled the trigger, the bullet exploded on impact while still trapped. Backfiring on that soldier. His limp thrown into the wall behind him. Surely the blast hurt him a bit, but I did give an extra push. Smiling my joy, in the moment. Looking over too the my left at the party of eight who hovered over the dead. Aiming right toward my area. Now shining their little gun's headlights. I would of laughed out loud, as the blade returned too normal again. Resting at my side, they slowly advanced, looking yet not seeing me. Which is what made it hilarious, in front of their faces yet completely unaware.

Soon, eight more people came in, someone must of heard the gunfire or blast. Perhaps a person radioed it in, yet who cares. We all opened fire upon one another. Sixteen against, little old me, made the trill a thriving ball of fun! Lifted myself up quickly too the ceiling, from there I crawled too the other side of the room overlooking the bodies. Believe their higher commander stayed back, near my position at that time. Letting my dagger float downward to he, repositioning myself. Sitting down, on the flat ceiling's top. Stretching my arms out, just getting a good view of things. As everyone one else walked away too my former placement, and where I drew some blood. My dagger fulfilled my wished image. The hat of this commander fell off with little shove, the projectors picture must of blinded him, he looked round with his rifle's scope being his lead. What a fool, holding that gun for dead life shaking as no else noticed.

So scared, I lowed the blade further, till it measured up with his canceled male member. With a twitch, his scream filled the rooms and escaped into the hallways. As blood flooded the floors and bodies, as with the dropped firearm. Oww, the memory's still so fresh, causes me too drip just thinking about it. Even now, though play will have too wait till this gets finished. But indeed he kneeled down, gun fallen, he screaming, and gushing blood flowed out with pain in its wake. My chuckles and sinister grin grew, eyes daggered, the next closest person to their commander. In a sudden movement. Their hands were removed with part of the firearm they held. So many jumping scared bunnies, watching their superior die before their very eyes. Then the next one, following, up a zigzag line.

The first six, after the commander we're all decapitated in some manner. Bleeding too death upon the floor. And yes, they were helplessly firing their little weapons of insecurity into the lifeless walls they would soon realize the mutual feeling of. None even looked up, not once, unless they were already dying. So with the ten remaining, I set three of them ablaze. Ohh their little squirms before death. The shouting silence from the remainer's eyes who continued firing into empty air. Though this time, had too return on their field of sight, the floor from which they both walked and died.

Sudden running footsteps were heard in the hall of those trying too survive, soldiers running and eventually shooting at them. Most certainly till death, but mainly it attracted my last remaining seven uniformed killers. I skipped along, up to one of them, they finally turned off the projector. So quiet it had been, still ever so dark. Only lighting came from the empty hallway. My blade found its way into those closest too the windows that overlooked the 1st floor and city street blow. Only four of them, they all had their necks and bodies pierced three times before gurgling blood into death on that dark floor. Yet none of the others noticed, then again partly my doing. Expanding my hidden state too include these poor murderous individuals.

Those last three, I had been foolish about, getting in the middle of them, even as they searched their rifles scopes. Guess got a bit full of myself, as with my own capabilities, was going too do a sort of pinball with them. Since they stood in a triangle in the way back. The darkest portion in that entire room, took too long sticking one of those three. The others saw me grasping hold, and they fired upon me. I sent the dagger into the body of one of them. Though at that exact same time, someone shot off their large handgun through the closed door in the back area. While my blade exploded into shards of mettle which ripped through that one solider.

I stood there in agony, screaming out, looking around with blurred vision bleeding out my backside. Seeing that the three were dead or dying, I scrambled out into the hall, through the holed back door of the room. A large bright unknown yet familiarly sensed source ran away down the flight of stairs while my eyes were blinded and blurred. I collapsed onto the floor, near a dead students body. Tired, and light headed. However, the windows were open in the other parts of the academy. Yet they were being blocked by large metal plates. It was a lockdown for sure, and I could only said "shit!". I got lucky, they blocked the last upper window from my darkened classroom. Jumping through and out the window and falling too the ground below. Wavy my visions had been, as it counted while I walked outward toward a large car in the parking lot. With George leaning on it watching the spectacle, army dressed troops moving in and out everywhere. Wonder why they attacked us, maybe the Civil War yet it felt more of a framer. Least my sense said so, and I happened to be invisible too their eyes. Till getting near George, which I blacked out at. Didn't think a few bullets could so much damage, but at least it had been fun and I made it out alive.

Spent some time in the week with George, in his medical care, only over night or day. My healing abilities are quite remarkable, at least his servants told me so. I enrolled into that Government Academy, at my loves request which it had been accepted without hesitation. He told me something about a terrorist attack on the Military, thus its institutions such as the academy. Though I know it had been more then that, looking at the Minformation with my folks for the rest of my physiological healing days. Everything had been confirmed there. They were so worried about me too, which brought me such warmth.

And my obsessive agenda driven continued through missions of hiding seek. With my many suspicions growing over who had been there and even more so responsible, what did they have to gain?

Confirmed all that happened on the Minformation when I dropped by home, every other night and spent the hours unused with family. Mainly because they were worried about me, which I felt was just I'm unsure how describe my emotions on that topic. While alone grew my aura abilities every chance I was able, sneaking out and accomplishing my mission of encamping the desired locations of interest with bugs. However I found something disturbing, I recalled back in the Military Academy, supposedly that the Military or other parties who invaded and were destroyed. What struck me is when those primitive commoners were looking for me, they knew! Which meant some form of training to seek out those related to myself. Basically I came to the conclusion of having accepted improving my techniques would be the only way. Ensuring myself out of sight while an intruder of the Military Base on Sperack Island.

So I played a few games with, the rare population of publicly known Military personal still residing on Sperack Island, mainly those who lived near my families home. Oddly enough the few questioned me about the whole cancer business, so told them I was investigating, they seemed to admire my courage and assertiveness. Apparently, also being a women to on top of it all, their eyes seemed larger as I continued. Being I was already under stress from my transmitting bugs elsewhere. Had to ensure that I'd be able to conceal myself from the eye of the Military based personal without become fully exhausted while in their presence or searching their private corners for clues. Which was a breeze, bit nerve racking at first, yet felt exactly what concentration will be needed too fool them. On and if not above that particular tightened sensation concentration would clear me any mistakes.

Using the underground train, I arrived in the Military Base's underbelly, at its own train station. Looking about, I found an all familiar bank spot from the many surveillance cameras. From there, in a simple blink of an eye, disappeared from the sight of all and any. Using the elevator, rose up the levels, walked out and into the base. Nightfall had already overtaken the island, luckily for my night vision. No one could escape from my awareness. And they didn't, setting up those sticking slivers of metal, my all relieving bugs they were. Everywhere I saw might have been an opportunity too gain more knowledge about the investigation I've been running since meeting George.

No one seemed to notice my presence, while absolutely terrified of efficient professional Freaks on the base might find me. Anyhow near a high ranking solder's desk, in his office. I found myself hearing a name of importance to me. "Switch!", at first, thought it might have been Broruge. Yet it turned out to be a happy spunky kid in the hallway looking into the office. Then the questions began burning up, how did the fucker know my private nickname? Has the ability too see me? And overall, who was this kid!?

Naturally, the solider in the offices chair, behind the desk. Waved back at the kid waving at me. They had their own moment of confusions, until he starting pointing my way while looking at the guy near me. The man, confused began too nod in agreement. At the lipped words that kid spoke. Soon, while kneeling next too this man in the office. Who's eyes looked outward, way above me. As if I'd been standing, which I hadn't, though why would he assume. It bothered me then and now, even after his words. "Hey Switch! Looks like your friend Negauleh found ya. Seems your hide and seek games ended, sorry dear", he gave the most unsteady fake laugh but went back too work. No alarms, sirens, security, death, violence, was this something normal I usually do or what! Nerving questions came too mind, as my footsteps slowly reached the door and that kid.

The kid, Negauleh Gycound Relsa, who had been a high ranking ATTO official. Beyond anyone on that base even. An apprentice of someone known as Mark Marder. Apparently such a persons a real big deal around the Military, though nothing more then a rumored story to me. Though it had been scary, taking the train when leaving the base, the sound of bombings littered the surface. When Negualeh and I parted ways not long after we started talking down that hallway. There'd been only one thing he wanted to give me, which hd been relieved. Beyond that, he wanted to hangout for a bit. Hate to think what I might of done with that kid when blackouted. Cause his fingers grabbed my ass a few times. Which I always bashed him for. Yet he wasn't surprised, felt it been some sort of game. On thing I did notice, to be strong upon Negaleh, his necklace. It has two lines stuck across one another in opposite positions. Forming a cross if titled right, but this had been positioned at an angle already. It wasn't the Iron Moth.....

As for the item he gave me, it was my official report of becoming a ATTO ranking member. I had been given all the forms, applications, ID Card, everything. I'd also been entered as such a superior officer. At least that what the kid told me. When handing me the large clipboard sized envelope. He also, curiously enough, called me by both of my names. Ploon and Switch, what the fuck is going on! And when did I ever want to team up with the Military forever as a life bound career?

I need to see Brourge again, he'll release this annoying personality thing. Its fucking getting ridiculous!

_-August 11, 2137UH

Waking up at home, with my family near by. I'm still fuzzy on what all happened. I mean, Mark's apprentice comes to me asking for my allegiance. But for what? And the ID card had still been in my purse this afternoon. So it hadn't been a dream, which is great but then again. That means the Government had infiltrated the Military Base, because there was gun fire this morning. After I left Negual that is, after some negotiation, and I'm unsure of joining some group that's commended so many without explaining. However, due to my resources now, I should be able to find more. Use them for my destiny to be catapulted into the future. Yet this day, was the worst.

Negual didn't even answer my call this morning, bastard. He might have been killed, damn it.

No word or sighting of either boys, felt so alone, knowing that it had been a waste. My whole life, was nothing more then a delusional experience. Maybe, just what happened today, was too much. I first tired calling and sent out letters to George and Brourge, oddly. The desire to hear from them never happened, through its what I waited nearly all day for. And yes, father had to continuously remind me he already got the mail. There was no mail that had been addressed for my replying eyes. Its just a realization now, Brourge and I had a connection unlike any other. What a fool of commoner's did Switch become. Which is myself, a name that should have been used more often. I'm such a desperate lonely bitch, they were right about me. Allowing the one thing, person, in my life. Dismantled before my very eyes, while being there watching everything pass me by. I admit my wrongfulness, and hope death is kind for my actions.

Well anyhow, I wandered through the city for some time, thinking about things. And I never saw much of anyone around. Sperack was so lifeless, deserted, I'd never known how horrible things had gotten.

Sooner or later something altered me, one of my bugs went off. In the Lighthouse on the edge of the island. Took the train there, surprisingly I'd only seen one other person riding the underground train. So fucking creepy, the nerving feeling just growing all around me. Shrouded by death and despair its unreal. Yet I tired to keep my concentration on what was happening in the Lighthouse. People were moving about, other dying, then something else unknown. Which only intrigued me further, ensuring my handgun had been loaded and ready. Finally arrived and walked through those all so familiar doors, coming across a lightless. Destroyed portions of the interior building found itself pushing into my view. As I walked further down the halls, walking around the corners, everything stunk of death. Bodies, or in the least their anatomy had been found spread about. In mashes or bits, however I found something very interesting. A layer of fog or smoke, stayed consistently moving around my feet. Luckily my night vision saw it. Though its scary, I believe it had been that "Rotten Fog". Of course, it showed itself clearly into being possible because the flesh continued to disintegrate before my eyes.

Naturally at first I freaked out, checking my high heeled uncovered feet and legs. But nothing seemed to be damaged or showing any signs of flesh eating. Turned out I had been safe the entire time. And yes, upon continuing my search of the Lighthouse. Near the Pedal, a person in a completely darkened outfit. Jet black, a man, spoke into his communication device to other team members. They were talking about a confirmed security of the building. Then such a person walked up a flight of metalized stairs, I followed quietly. Trying to ensure my presence wouldn't be sensed. Yet as I closed in on the man, about my height. He addressed me by my full name. It had been confirmed, they were the Rouge Military group of Sperack. However at that time, he become a women. After removing the head portion of her uniform. Which had been a built in gas mask. She answered a few questions, indirectly mainly.

It was Rotten Fog, they used, but it didn't affect us Freaks. She, we didn't exchanged pleasantries, so it ended badly. After some informing of why they desired me to join their casue as most Military personal have done. Who weren't already dead, because of our ATTO leaders of our organization. Had a plan of superiorly, holding us all in contempt. We were now worthless, and they wanted to get the Civil War erupting again. It would be the only way to ensure everyone's safety again. And with me, they could easily bring heir plans into bloom. Or everyone on Sperack and as with in other Military occupied territories are doomed to die horrible deaths. Used as tools, then thrown away. Yet I had to decline, they were going to allow Sperack to fall to the dissentious weather that the Pedal's holding off outside the island's radius. Everyone would surely parish, but it would be another eventual causes for the Government to launch a full scale attack. Again and again, denying my allegiance.

And I asked about Negual, she didn't know him nor Mark or even Adam. Though they were against Brourge, he was said to be secluded by all to be on their top hitlists. Not long till he's cold dead, at least that's what the bitch said. He was Government trash, a traitor to both sides of the war. Which still puzzles me. They set up everything at the Lighthouse, to trap me into a forced allegiance with the Rogues. A group of Freaks, had been gathered together outside and would kill me if I wandered off topic. Even she tried to give me bullshit lectures about being so elderly. Knowing how it feels being alone, that they were my only true family. Raised and born on Sperack Island, they would die for their land. One thing led to another, and the bitch held me in a hold upon the floor. While I expressed my family, when she laughed. My parents were no one from Sperack Island, that's what she said. It was in my file, merely the comfort I stated had been for the adopted people who replaced my dead parents. At that time, sudden black out. Waking up at my families house. Sleeping in my bed, alone, night shrouded outside my window.

Checking the Minformation, which had still been out of service. Though on the normal new stations. No incidents were existent at the Lighthouse and even the Pedal within was still fully operational. There were no reports of hurt or dead, wounded, as if all mental. However, was that true? Does the Military desire to peruse me no matter what I try to do? How can Brourge be hated by all sides on the battle field and yet remains Government, did I miss something? And worse, was I really adopted? Could that even be true or relevant to me, not sure. Soon, I must ask, but even more so. Where those Rouge Military or the ATTO itself going to succeed in killing my ex. Yet real lover. It would both damage me in ways that couldn't be fixed. Then again, lift such a heat from my being. I'd be able to breathe in harmony.

The last thought had been the worse, and most troublesome. Not to mention, the aching pains that ransacked everything portion of my being. Cuts, bruises, blood, and memories. Flashes, seeping into conscious view. People's screams forcing me into tears of shame and insanity. What the fuck happened last night!!! All sorts of slashings at both the Lighthouse and SQC Laboratory, did my other self really take charge. Am I even in control of my life anymore, its grasp upon me appears beyond awareness. Or a single chance of making decisions, if it turns out to be true. That I, without conscious cut down everyone around the Pedal and UHEG Laboratory. The Queen, might have to do some major surgery. She must regain control, I must!!!

However....

I have to sleep, it'll heal my wounds of the flesh. Hopefully, and my investigation can continue on track. Fixing anything that might be wrong within. It has to stop, here and now.

_-August 12, 2137UH

AT this point, my body's wounds have indeed healed since getting up this morning. Sadly, getting up late my older sister had gotten a bit worried. Waking me up this afternoon, she saw the blood stains in the sheets. Nearly a heart attack, though with some luck. I feel, there's some time before my family realizes I might be involved in the suspicious workings on Sperack. Which includes the killings, destruction, maybe even cancer. Speaking of which, father is cured. But in the end. I left without breakfast. Hiding myself, I found the train station was closed down, Shenn Que Corporation Headquarters had been closed down as with its Laboratory. George also commented on my investigation, but he really seems to care. Because it wasn't me time to vist my family. Yet he seemed to see my troublesome life within these eyes. I tried to explain the depression, truly a sweet man. And yes, the Military Base is closed down, as with the Lighthouse. Most of the city is closed down or even more empty then ever before. At the Power Plant, an absolutely ridiculously huge amount of extra security had been placed around the complex.

Yet this day of days turned out worse then any other....

Firstly, I've confirmed been responsible for the all the devastation that's been found. Thus, sole responsibly is what's within me. Without my ex, I have and won't gain any sort of control in my life. Most likely, when he dies I'll be left alone to be consumed by what drives me from within. That's going to be the worse, my destiny ruined by the very thing that was too make me as such. And coming to this point, in my life, I have no one who understands. Without Brourge, I've made my greatest mistake. My family adopted me since birth. My parents must of known I'd been more trouble then worth the time to raise me. Fucking figures!

Should known why I've always felt out of place, full of indifference to the world. Believing in the Iron Moth so greatly, because there wasn't anything else. My other self must have been aware from the start. Yet I had the nerve to feel otherwise, allow it to drive my actions. Not the other way around. But yeah, if my own Freak parents didn't desire me, why would anyone else. But since I've been given such a gift from our fake fucking god. Smoothed in life by false educational facilities, and without experience. Out of my prime, wasted my chances. Now I think the only option, is to ensure no more harm can be caused by these hands.

_-August 17, 2137UH

Another week gone, the Sperack Island Community Leaders announced they will be converting all into Government coming this September. Not sure why they decided to go with a public showing of such a thing. Perhaps to keep the peace, the false truce between the oppositions. That's how Tuesday went, as with George being there. I started my first day of the Government Academy. They were whispering behind my back the entire time. It sickened me, to think I'm to be thirty on October and still nothing.

Met up with Brourge, once, for less then an hour. It was wonderful to be with him, but he called me to get lost. His exact words, he was busy. As I assumed, the damage I caused may have been too great. Of this had been on Thursdays I believe. The same day I took residence in an abandoned building, one of the many closed down by security. Civil War damage, guess it could be called. Yet that place, apartment of a pervious victim who fell during the conflicts in this world. As I too will fall, dying here. In this place of deserted wasteland, no one will be hurt anymore. Running away had been a lttilt odder then I first thought.

Though it had been peaceful letting go of those bugs, relaxing. Yet starving myself of both no flowing water or supplied food. Starving to death might be a bit more troublesome then killing myself, but not sure if either might really work. I can only pray the Iron Moth will allow me moments of peace. Both before then after death, if there is such a thing.

Had a switch moment, and I'm continuing to write this out of boredom. My abilities have allowed for a pain relieving sensation. Lucky me, it could be easier then I originally thought.

_-August 18, 2137UH

For hours now, I've been looking for any connection between my family and I. None have occurred to the surface of the matter at hand. I'm lost, hidden, and dying. That's how it has to stay, days from now. I'll be dead, passed onto more mysterious things this world has to offer. Allowing the confusion and pain to parish.

Feeling that time stopped, everything has been blanked. Nothingness, there is no feeling or desire. Just lonely, and hiding my pain. Its something I'll never get used to. Normal, how is knowing your starving yourself. Yet not an ounce of any sign, that death's approaching. Fucking crazy, realizing one's suffering. Halting the body's way in alerting the end of life. Being able to willing kill yourself. Eliminating alerts, waiting to fall upon the floor. Never waking up, that thought alone is very frightening. But the only reason such an idea came into view.

It Hadn't been the noises of life outside these cindered apartment walls. They didn't bother me in any way, except for my switch moment. Forcing me to involuntary move around certain repeating sections of each room. Every time I heard people about. Not sure exactly what had been the cause. It became a day long game. Trying to uncover the motive, but I know what it had happened. Forcing me to make unnecessary noise allowed sis to find my whereabouts. Assuming the tramping bare feet weren't enough. She brought someone along, that would have been able to find me. Regardless of the situation, Brourge, naturally. George and his unlimited resources were not enough. Nor the technology he harbored, none could find me. Yet both sis and my true love seemed to have no troubles in doing just that.

We all sat around in that burned out apartment room, I'd been unable to look at either of them. Such shame, and hate toward them both over took the growing relief rising within me. What should of been said? What could have been stated to change what's already been done? I felt it to be not only hopeless, yet a waste of time. Trying to rid myself out of this here world. My other self is in love, that's has to have been it. Or Brourge would of shown me grave discipline. Anything that would had revealed me for the worthless being I'd always been. Weak, divvied, paranoid, and unable to control myself in any relevant manner. That's Ploon, the whole me, the true me. My other self does not deserve to make decisions that affect us both, especially when I can't live with that's already happened. And I know, from what sis has spoken of men. He will not ever consider forgiving me for the acts committed.

Yet, the three of us spent hours upon endless hours, together. Taking baby steps in convincing me to come home. That one does not have to be related to be family bonded. That Brourge understands is forgives, its all nonsense. He barely spoke, now that I recall. My love, other self's love, expressed himself lightly. Perhaps sis may have been right about our family, despite myself not being blood. But I know for certain, Brourge was only there to ensure he could use me. Before anyone else could get a hold of this thing within such flesh.

I'm not crazy.....

But sis left, after I accepted and hugged her. Comprehending our love, as a family, and that I'd promise to move back. She was going to inform George as with others, who were close. That I'd be fine. However, she allowed me to stay with that monster. Even worse, my sense was against me. My body betrayed me, but I fought it. Losing every step of the way. From the beginning of sis asking Brourge to take care of me while she went off to deliver the news. Could talk, speak, shake my head. That damn other self made me smile, and nod in agreement. Who the fuck am I? To lose control over yourself, being forced by someone monstrous within you. Watching the world die a bit more everyday because you were too weak. Fuck......not sure anymore, should I commit suicide? Or will it gain full control in that sense, relieving my being. And then I become the unconscious being. While it runs my life entirely.....

This must be the Iron Moth must be punishing me, or something. I am a Freak, and will be Queen, this is nothing more then a task of life. To prove myself worthy of such inheritance of responsibility. Yet, being with Brourge was the most enjoyable moment in my life. Again, his warm hands found their way around me, opening up such a hidden beast. Though I didn't black out, yet it had been in full control of those actions. There had been the tears, running down my face. While he and I, for the first time had sex. He was within me, who would of thought. Our first moment, would be in such a place of shambles. But that's hadn't been the grandest part of the evening. Into and out of the eventual point in our relationship. We relieved our purest of forms.

His long slender neck, fury hairs, tickled their way up between my nude being's breasts. With gentle slides up around my face, my oh my. The warmth alone, hearing his pulse, turned me into such a pooling mess. Allowing those tentacles and jelly filled center, to burst forth. Not sure what occurred after that. Besides exotic sensual ecstatic relieving pleasure. Later, I woke in one of those second floor rooms in Brourge's family bar. He was no where to be found. Only a note, saying there should be plenty of nourishing foods in the kitchen. In case I desired to further stay hidden.

You know, if only I had been in love with Brourge. There wouldn't be a problem with this situation. Unfortunately, only conflict exists, with reasons of all verities. Didn't mean I wouldn't be able to enjoy the time and learn what's needed. Including controlling my other self before all sanity is lost. The Sperack Island Investigation is over with, since the bugs were no longer in connection. I'm focusing on my life, not the world anymore.

_-August 19, 2137UH

Surprisingly enough, the Spersck Island Community Leaders wild up a sudden island wide festival. I mean it had been in every part of the land, there's had been a portion left to hide or leave too. Then again, its not like I tried to leave, only explored a few places to train. Found them hanging about for hours on end. Mainly, spent the entire day with my folks, everything had been closed down. From the buses, schools, stations of sorts. For the celebration was meant too bring everyone together once again. Far as I heard, there'd hadn't been any horrific incidents that occurred. From morning into the night, nothing but highs, laughs, games, socialization, alcohol, praying, and enjoyment beyond compare.

Its such a huge push, how did they manage to set things up over night. I heard nothing, then again, wasn't listening. Guess things tend happen that way when one's mind and ears are settling. Perhaps my relying on the other self within me is turning up a bit empty then I would of expected. My sense was a bit more silent then usual, freaked me out when I finally realized it myself. At worst, an unexpected fright. Didn't have any idea why I couldn't feel myself or anything else about the world around me. Just a new, sensational experience in the end. Then again, what I found beyond the sighting and games with my folks. Had been a possible reasoning for such disillusion from within.

Wandering off from my folks, practically drawn by something else. A truck appeared from within a dark unlighted woodland area. Near my little practicing site, even if there were tents and strings of colored flashing not even 30 feet away. They stilled showed up, that damn truck. Then with a sudden halting, those squeaking breaks. With the large engine running in the background, as those many large headlights blinded me further. Soon approached me two identical men, I assume twins. They were a nearly ten too eighteen inches taller then my own height could ever reach. Same with husky width, about four times around when compared to me. Yet those two came closeted, unarmed, wearing those long fany gray trench coats as with their symbolized ATTO uniforms underneath. They were not lower ranked fools, these were indeed powerful Military superiors. Cause my sense came back at this time. Giving a delightful message of, run away!

Of course, others, a handful of soldiers waved back behind them near the truck. With their guns cocked, loaded, and ready for anything. Not exactly the most friendly of peaceful transactions, it was a bit intimidating. When the elderly twins began to talk to me, simultaneously, the finishing their sentience's mid way. Then continued back, switching from one and then the other. Though it came down to them wanting to take me away. That I would be given a deal upon arrival, non negotiable. Naturally, it couldn't have been more threatening. Now that I think back, they were manipulating me through the reading of my mind. They knew so much about me, as with those inner desirables.

However, I was able to leave unharmed. Meeting up with folks again, we watched a comical act upon a curtained stage. Between a few people talking about space travel, one blew up into a balloon before popping. The other made it to another planet, pulled out a flag to raise, but couldn't. Another had been found, then more, and until over thirteen had been acquired. His arms were literally full, yet he couldn't decide. It had been hilarious to me, and many others too. But as to how my little kidnappers ended their night and lives. Though again, my other self didn't help or warn beyond the sense. Which I'd been a bit too fearful and unsure what they were capable of. If I did decide running had been the best option, would my family be in danger? Couldn't risk it, that had been the only thing going through my mind.

Nope, was saved by a ignominious unknown and unknown person. That saved me before, basically must of knocked me out as well. Those gun shots, a long distance away, that same feeling. The very same, I've noticed, who's been making their jiggling sounds around me. This was the same person or group, whatever it had been. I should thank them one day. This had been twice now they protected me. It could have been Brourge, but it doesn't feel like him. Not his style, he knows how I hate killing others aimlessly. AT least he's stayed away from that when we've been meeting up. Then again, no one seems to be after his life. Maybe I've not been hanging long enough to find out. Never the less, all of them ran away. That's after the twins sort of were flown into nearby tree and stream. The gunshots were as if cannons, yet no one fired a anything from the truck. That must be, because their enemy is not close by, visible to their eyes, or is beyond their level of comprehension. They disappeared, back from there they came, into the night.

Whats the saying, I've read before. Not in a book, but upon a plaque at the Military Base. "A great warrior knows when their outmatched", guess they practiced their quotation to such an extent I'm impressed. Yet who had been that rifleman?

Speaking of which, the night had been very pleasant after such a time, sweet relaxation. With the exception that everything had been shoved into the back of my mind. Thus not as troublesome, as I'd originally found myself worried about.

Too bad George couldn't be around, apparently his Master, had other plans for him. Though he had been understanding enough in allowing me the pleasure of being with my family. Especially after such a difficult time in my life.

_-August 24, 2137UH

The Sickle Sport Troutdown is gone, the Government academy also is temporally closed down. But the weekly island community meetings have continued, though shorter and praying to the Iron Moth for better fortunes to occur. There were so many strangers, very uncomforting, though at least George and my family. Had been near, in that church. The only other disturbance had been that annoying jingle again. I'll have to schedule a doctor appointment through the Government hospital, while using George's connection.

Then such cherished time in the open arms of my family was priceless. Didn't keep track how much time I'd spent with them. It didn't matter anymore, my placement and devotion is final. And no one will change that, quite the healing week. If possible, I'd repeat those times. Going and relaxing at upon the island. From the memorable moments on the shores, praying to the Iron Moth, movies on our screen, and watching executions. Delightfully fulfilling, yet George was keeping his distance as did Brourge.

However, this Saturday, George and I finally spent time together after moved back in together. O didn't miss those slaves. They might as well be fucking strangers, hate their very presence in the rooms. Paranoid, their sinister nature is going to hurt me or something. Can't shake the feeling, thus George and I leave when able. Which exactly what we did, every chance possible. With or without him, I hate those damn people. Luckily he had a surprise waiting for us today. Made me smile, been a while since he did that.

We drove to the middle of no where, a large flat piece land. We came too, though busy eating and thinking about everything a bit. Soon we were just there, and a large balloon stood before us. Four ropes, spiked into the ground surrounded all sides of the hot air balloon. As he called it had been that. It was odd enough, being a large balloon with holes in the top and bottom. And connected to a basket on its bottom half. With a lamp looking fire control device in its middle portion. Though considering the ropes held the basket I felt a bit nervous when getting into it. Even with my love at my side, and doing everything himself. Allowing us too lift up from the ground. Floating in the air, in a thick basket held by a balloon. That's not odd at all, but apparently this was a travel and transportation used in the past. But is now obsolete.

Quickly I held in panic with my love's body. Yet he gained a little pleasure in my reactions, when noticing this. Hearing his silently muffled chuckles. My attitude did get a bit bitter at him, yet eventually the view over the island seemed to bring out my curiosity. Looking out abit more, dragging George with me, nearing the edge of the basket. Half expected my love too shake us a bit, yet he shook my ass instead. Both of his hands, caressing and playing around. Naturally, it shocked me worse then the shaking would of. But when turning around, he only smiled and facially amused me. With all sorts of bizarre movement and noises. Considering the sensation had been wondrous, and had already been quite horny. More then sure it was going too lead too something even more. Which it became, intimately fondled in passion while overseeing my homeland.

For the lack of words, after a few explosive feelings shooting out and his own seeds reaching into me being. Dripping out between us into the basket, as he steered us along. Several movements around the island, we landed watching the sun setting in the distance. What a fabulously inflowsion with yellow and fire intermixed. We drove home, to our apartment. With those four strangers awaiting our arrival. Though I couldn't go inside, instead wanted to walk about. Think things over, which I did want too do. And he agreed to it, would be waiting for me when I'm ready to come back home. No fussing or bickering, but one of his slaves kept annoying watch over me as I walked off. Till turning the comer off our street, they stared. Their eyes and my sense was unmistakable. At such a time, I concealed myself in a shroud from the normal eyes. And zipped myself to the building in front of the Iron Moth statue.

The night was very chilly, wind had picked up greatly since George and I spent the day in the hot air balloon. It had been nice for him to bring some lunch along. Or doing what I'd done would of felt off. As for the movement into my future, destiny opened, the gate allowing me through. Reaching out my hands, placing them together while the stature of the Iron moth swayed back and forth. Though I'd been a distance away, the direct line of sight was more then accurate enough. My dagger appeared in between my clenched hands. It grew in size, nearing the lengths of a sword. Ye the weight and feeling never changed, except for slight increased pressure flowing into the steel weapon before me. Stretching both arms out, point the swords tip at my target of desire. My face holding nothing more then indifference yet peering a single smile. The pressured had been allowed too release. Spilling out over the statue, it was aflame, instantly. Its shouting and howling echoed into the night. As my laughter mimicked it's cries.

People began to approach the scene, including emergency police, fire, and medical staff. They didn't know what too do. Yet their eyes only saw their beloved god's image burn into a melted pile of ashes. As did the church behind it. I had the temptation of exploding the same firey end to those who attempted in stopping the blaze. Yet I only watched, increased the flames upon my two sole targets. Enjoying myself with every minute that passed.

The Iron Moth has fallen, for me, I've decided to ascend to something more grander. This, merely will surface as a stepping stone. May the liberation of many more, their faith dwindle into ashes as mine had. So they can be free once again. My time has come, even the other self within me, senses this. Soon, a Queen that will be me, shall bring the world to its knees. With both a mentor hooked in by love as with the fool made of money. I'll face little complication this my ventures. Sperack Island will be my first catch.

August 25, 2137UH

Not much happed about the Iron Moth statue cindered as with our church of faith. I expected military surplus to take over, once again. Was planning on having some fun, yet the news didn't even show anything. George did mention it once, before we fucked the day away. From the apartment, car, building, etc. I'm very surprised as with worried, what is a community that doesn't allow its people know what happened to the faith that brought them together for generations. Scary thought, but where's the Government when its needed most? Something too look into, yet I had bigger problems too face.

Umm, sort of screamed his name out loud. Twice, asking for him too do such hideous things too me. Which George did as he was told, yet when I realized what had been said. As did my love, Brourge's name had been echoed throughout our ears. Not just a simple slip up, I screamed his name and for him to use me as he always had. Of course, this had been a very pleasurable intimate sensations between myself and George. So indeed, I'd been in a state of blinded lust. So concealment, defense, no sense or feeling of any sort. Just a blurted word through lust and another portion from within. Luckily George and I had a long discussion, which ruined the day. At least it had been during the night, or going into. The sun had already been down, so we didn't have to separate in pondering despair.

My fucking other self seems to have waited till this moment. Just ensuring it could have their way, guess what though. I'm fighting for what I feel is right. The control over my life resides with me. Not a section of myself, that's insane if it would be allowed too carry on anymore.

The conclusion from between my caring and most understanding love, George. In which I told him everything, even if my sense said otherwise, with every word spoken. About being with another man, Brourge, which had been why he attacked him. That the duel relationship has been going on for nearly nine months. And I've just not gotten around too telling Brourge, that's there's another. Which I lied about the last part, yet it had been a safety, in case either found out the other's connection with me. Its just George had been so supportive, no angry, mad, or jealous, no hint of aggressiveness from opening up about the truth. Except for myself being a Freak, naturally, that would be a bit much too soon. Its just ony after this moment, I feel George might really be more then originally desired.

How he handled this whole traitorous situation, with such compassionate understanding. Just broke everything that sis told me about men. However, when Brourge, learned of my betrayal. He shut himself up, didn't let me in again. Not once yet. Acting like a little kid, throwing a tantrum without a second thought. George has been chosen, Brourge was right too act that way. As I would of as well. That's right, I had, but hey. I'm the wanted, capture, prey, not the hunter. Certain responsibilities don't fall upon the women. Mainly and only the men, I'm glad for that.

Needed less to say, Brourge and I will be broken apart for the rest of our days too come. Only his gifts of the past will be a reminder all he did and we once were. Keeping the happiness alive. This time tomorrow, George will be my one and only.

August 26, 2137UH

I was unable to sleep, or at least stay that way, unfortunately something was on my mind. Guess who, Brourge, that damn tricking manipulator, causing his reaching presence in my life to be clearly known and the relationship I have with George which he inflicted damage upon. Pacing in my room in the eerily hours of the morning, filled with such emotions of complex natures and they were tearing their way out to be known in the world, hate, sympathy, lust, compassion, fear, love, indifference, and others which seemed to have formed. I have enough troubles with the Government, Military, Community, Family, friends, George, the stalker, Jenny, no longer is this bullshit have to be carried on.

From this morning, I found myself facing Brourge down in the afternoon. In the cave. Ensuring my protection through George, as he dropped me off at the bar. The main thing is, Brourge knows everything and while crying like the manipulative fucker he is. Willing expressed his stepping out of my life and all those around me.

It was only natural, I did blackout....a lot, more then usual. Ending up in odd situations, which ex lover took advantage I'm sure. At least that's what all the situations came down to. I was even crying, though I know it was one thing I never wanted to let that bastard see me do. God Damit!!

He emptied my gun to, somehow, I shot him with an empty gun. Near the end of our "talk" in the cave. At which he told me about his mentor. Who he had been, in the UHEG, one of the highest officials. Known as a Mind of the 10 Minds. I didn't care, no matter what he had to say. Brourge was no longer useful, George provided all that I needed. Most importantly, my control over him was beyond just, as any women should be. At least a future Queen of the World!

Finally Brourge is gone, he made no threats, only showed his true colors in the pathetic empty fool that he always had been. To think, I once faithfully loved and without a doubt believed his every word, served in patience. Wanted him within him for months at a time. Its all over now, done, finished, that's all it took. Though I can worry about how to get rid of him later, now starts my rein over Shenn Que and part of the UHEG. Through my lovable doll Georgey. This is perfection!

A new beginning indeed!!! I was Free!!!

_-August 31, 2137UH

The Iroth Moth Community Festival had been held this night, George and I came together in his car. Not long after we separated. I just hung out, imaging my reign over the lands and people before me. How these fools begging for a justified decision in their fates. Which they wouldn't be given any of the sort.

Not much occurred beyond a night of standing, listening, watching, dreaming, and eventually...be proposed too. Yes yes, George got everyone together while we were separate at the festival. My family had been there, a few of my ex friends as with new ones. The other leaders of SQC except for George's mentor or of course Brourge.

The rest of such a night was full of laugher, games, entertainment, and I got drunk for the first time and pictures were taken as I was toyed with, yet George apparently didn't allow anything too degrading or sexual. What a day, truly what a time with George my life was becoming complete and soon I would rise up and be anew at his side and him at mine. This was definitely what I needed after Brourge's departure, soon I'll have to rid his personal belongs he gave me from the past, so I can forget him completely.

***

CHAPTER 9 SEPTEMBER

_-September 4th, 2137UH

Finally the wedding ceremony day had come, such excitement couldn't be contained this morning. Had too write a bit before hand. I'll be adding a bit more here and there thought my ordeal of pleasurable happiness.

And my birthdays not far off either, this'll be a month to remember. This is just beyond perfect!

Apparently Brourge was right, I am a self centered bitch but he gone and I've moved on without a tear shed. Just goes too show, he didn't know everything.

***

Epilogue : Switch

As the Iron Moth, stood boldly upon a foreign alter, far from Sperack Island. Overseeing not only us, near the priest. But also the many behind, sitting in their seats of this mighty church. Those of power, money, richness, business, companies, corporations. relatives too the Shenn Que. And its arisen lord and master, George Ganst. Just their existence all around me, smothering what little I still harbor. Sickening humans, the lot of them. Worst being that fucking mexicino spick.

George, and I, are getting married today. Brourge is no where to be found. Sperack Islands only a pleasant memory. Then again, I'm not that little waste of yellow flesh. Ploon, what a disgrace! She nearly killed me, you know. Who knew, it would have been so easy for her. Damn cunt, I served for decades. Yet, what did she ever do for me, even more to the point. Us, we are are one, were as one, still growing as one. Something woke me up one day, I looked around. And there is she was, sitting around doing book work. What tradagy, all my years of servitude. For nothing more then a manipulated human minded Freak.

Regardless of what brought a consciousness within me, I found us. Ploon and myself, residing in the same female body. Though that was about, five years ago. Now six, considering we've hit the age of thirty one. But God damnit! A woman, whos not human. Yet graciously was given a gift, not just me but more then either of us could comprehend. I was still stirring through what harbored within before she broke down into depression. Guess the killer bithch did have a huge heart. For that adoptive family of ours, it goes without question. Their deceaed, mangled bodies found at our home. Blood, guts, gore smeared and splatter in every direction. She started crying, heaving tears from the painful loss. How did I ever get stuck with a fucking retarded moron!

Since I was practically her, everything she retained was visible to me. Memories, knowledge, experiences, desires, plans, etc. Which I implanted all of my own, since meeting Brourge. We loved one another, though Ploon was so foolish. Thinking and acting like a dirty human, a fucking animal. Worse, expressing my new found attitude and abilities through herself. My love, Brourge, even now I wish for his elegant warmth. Regardless of his betrayal, leaving me in this woman's shadow. Trapped, in a worsening situation by the day. Which is where we're at presently.

So close, the changing of ours positions. Ploon would of become my servicing shadow, and I her caster. Wonder if he smiled or laughed while killing our family. What was his motive, what had he hoped in achieving. Does he still love me? These sort of questioning ponders have found their way about my thoughts at least once everyday. I tell myself, he's waiting. This is his plan in motion. For there will be a time and certainly a moment. Where we can be together till times utter collapse.

Guess hes the only thing anymore then calms me, from raging within this rotten Freak's fleshly existence. I tird my best, things just out of hand. Assume the control over Ploon hasn't been enough after all. Perhaps I got too cocky even. Taking steps before they should have occurred, not enough patience, lacking in concentration. There's not much amusement anymore. Watching Ploon, thrust my body into these disgraceful blights. Such as the present wedding ceremony.

As the fully crowded church, watched George began his vows upon Ploon. As he stood to our right side, we kneeled own at his left. As we both faced each other our cherished words for one another were spoken. His left fist stuck first, Ploon muttered, "I love you", ghostly in a whisper while looking into his burning face above. The scene, repeated, again and again.

George Shay, the trickster, changed his name and she took his. Suddenly, it caught my attention. A tinkling sound hit the marbled floor. I looked and saw one my front row teeth. Patched in blood, laying a foot away from us. Blue and purple with red intermixing, patterned her face. The most embarrassing sight I've ever had to witness, so much for a great Queen. Luckily, I'm not Ploon though. My name happens to be, Switch.

There will be many still seeking one of the most rumored Freaks of the world. Us, Poon and myself, I'm referring too. We won't be forgotten, my strength might be drained for the moment. Occupied in ensuring she doesn't unconsciously kill us in her depressed state of mind. I'll get my chance again, too live my life through her body. Which again, will solely be mine one day.

***

Epilogue : Jinggles

Sitting in his study, alone, he who was only dressed in comfortable long legged pants. Which had themselves sagging slightly around his feet. In a large metal chair, with padding upon its backside and seat. His hands eyes followed the penmanship of the letters he was forgoing. The desk, of metal, yet warm too the touch. Found itself piled with eveloped messages. Addressed forwarding towards every portion of the world. His clients in partiacluar. With the sun dying outside, glaring into the room's window. At his left, a orange ray peered over this belongings.

Pressing another pen imprint upon the paper letter he'd written. The last for the night, in fact. He felt the room's metal door open behind him, but he ignored this all the same. And continue pressing his thoughts through concentrations, through the pen's ink. Forcefully, a pair of hands. Much much smaller then his own. Planted themselves at the neck, pulling their owner upward. Yet he continued the letter, adding in everything and anything. That he felt would contribute towards their own sperate investigation but not break the contract with his oldest of clients.

"Jinggles! What you doing?", a squeaky voice muttered with high spirited velocity.

"I'm working dear.", with a sudden pause everything soon continued, "Yien, something troubling on your mind?", Jinggle's every word had been spoken fluently and calmly in bold confidence.

Yien, hung upon his naturally bare backside, then pulled herself. Dressed sharply, sporting a military uniform, Tapping her matching high heel shoes and bare legs, over his rightsided chest. Her eyes wondered, humming to herself. Taking her top hat off, frisbeeing it near by landing onto the floor. "Nope, what makes you say that daddy?", her voice sarcastically splat out with a downed tone in the midst.

Her hand, found itself keeping her balance upon his right shoulder. Yet the resistance to not play with his many fixated bells. Randomly positioned upon his natural skin. Stuck beneath the flesh and into the bone's mass they were held. She'd always found it amusing too play with them, as with any part of his being. But he'd be the only too ever carry such a unique twist as this. An amazing, asset, which signified his identity. However, since he started living his life the unbearable pain. From those rusted metallic jingling things, have never let his day pass without suffering woven in.

Jinggles's twitched at her touch and she lost her balance. Falling to the floor, hand fist. Then leaped slight back to her high heeled feet. She sighed, as he spoke, "Hold on, nearly finished dear", smirking, Jinggle's spoke with high spirits himself while putting the letter and envelope away.

Standing, Jinggles stood at around nearly nine feet tall. Yien, has her own four foot height to defend, she's always been mystified by this. Never in their long ranged relationship of certain unity. Did it ever cease to amaze. She began jumping into the air reaching his chest. Clicking her high heels upon the metal floor, yet contunied spreading cheer throughout her being. Soon Jinggle's followed, yet only put his giant hand upon her shoulder and bent over. Reaching those tiny feet of hers. Undoing those heels, she flopped them behind. With a backwards swing of each foot as he undid them. "Their surely annoying,", Jinggle's sighed with a slight chuckle.

Yien only appeared arousally excited, in his massive shadow. If she had a tail it would be vibrating in heat basked twirls. Then a sour mood pitched into the room as night fell and light dissipated. He shook his body slightly, allowing one bell at his left shoulder. Too jingle and the lights in their home above ground lit the place alive. But Yien's face turned cold, "Daddy, what's troubling you sir?", bowing her head and his hand and back became straight upright again.

He didn't notice her emotional move, yet stared into the night sky and shaded forests surrounding their encampment. "It wasn't you Yien, being caught for the seventh time. With an undergraduate student, once again. Doesn't concern me as whats on my mind at this time. Being part of the academy, I can even revoke the emission to getting you rejected from the Military. That's not even close to the troubles I've foreseen.", he walked out of his study and down the hall, Yien followed most intrigued.

Yien, decided to fix her short uniformed skirt. It was bugging her again, for some reason. They were quite the odd material clothing. Though that's till she graduates next year. So she can take another course, career, and term of the Military's school system. Ensuring her placement along side him. Jinggle's, Revinue, her father and only family. And a subtle grin flashed knowing she wasn't in trouble for bring caught again.

"Been pondering this first month's break from the contract of my favorite client. Involving Ploon and Sperack Island, including Switch.", Jinggles began to speak aloud while wearing a worn out phase.

"Uh, two girls?", surprised in confused Yien asked.

"Nope, just one little yellow. Much like yourself dear. And he was there observing with me at times. Though, his abilities far surpass my own. But this has been the most intriguing case yet. Which I assume, since he and I are buddies. We know the other's tastes quite well. Thus assigned me, before I could answer with a yes or no. Never had any idea what was waiting for me.", once said, Jinggles and Yien are nearly at the hallways end.

"Who was the client?", Yien jumps at with her tongue on edge.

"You've met him before, I think, or he met you one night you were prowling around in town. At this time, since the contracts merely been put on hold. Please refrain from asking those sorts of questions. And sadly, since you might be involved with Ploon. Theres not much more that can be said, who knows if she'll be able too tapped into your memories. As any of your kind had been able freely.", they turn and walk down a older flight of stairs into a cramped wooden living room.

Jinggles opens a latch at the stairs bottom slight high on the wall. Pressing a vairity of buttons, in a combination. That removes the floor of the living room. Revealing a bubbling hot, pool of water. "Oh, got it daddy! We taking a relaxing poke in the hot tub?", Yien asks as she stumbles down the stairs past Jinggles.

"I am, not sure if you want to join. Need the rest, being active 24/7 every day all day for the last five years has been exhausting", Jinggles drops his pants and gently gets into the pool of bubbling water.

The feeling alone, melts the stress and strain from years gone by. Almost in an instant, he closes his eyes. Then Yien spoke, breaking the mood in a manner. He missed her most of all."Yeah, I was lonely without you daddy. Thanks for sending the cards and letters every other week. They saw me though!", she begins unbuttoning her own uniform.

"I'm glad you were alright with it, sorry about that though. You deserved more then just a simple letter too explain a farewell", Yien slight gets into the tube, ensuring a splash hits his face.

"Opps, did I splash you", knowing she did on purpose, his hand submerges her head down behind the water's surface.

"Did I drown you?", he responds, they share a hasteful laugher that slums into grace.

Yien motions her way through the warmth of the water. Latching onto Jinggle's left side. Sitting in his lap, her feet hanging between his parted legs. Though her lustful urges wake, even after the days filling. She keeps her eyeful concentration upon her loving father. Looking up into this relazing face. Only after moments of silence slip into the night did he whisper.

"In less then a few months, you'll be on your own for some time. At least another five years or so, but there will be brief visits perhaps.", the hearing of his heart beat closed Yiens eyes, resting upon his toned stomach.

"I know, Reviune. I know....", she whispered back as if falling asleep. His arm falls down to support her as she slips deeper into a dream at his side.

Then as his eyes peer, at Yein, his Yien, the only Yien of his world. Much sadness if found with pleasantness abound. When will be the last time, I ever hold her so close? How many years has passed since we met. Since I raised my little girl into a thriving warrior, survivor, just like me. Could she live without me, cause I know my loathing would take a turn for the worst. How many years has it been, I can't even recall our ages. Only that we're nearly forty years apart. Yet not very elderly, our physical features. Have remained in out primes. Healthy, young, deliciously toned, and fittingly beautiful.

Guess, now that I think about. After the aged number of one hundred, it no longer matters. If you can't die by times ticking clock. It becomes irrelevant. Maybe one hundred seventy seven, for me. I should be ahead in only a few.... Why can't I recall my birth? Ah, it was only my imagination. Everything was just here, and is now, no reason for the part to return. Spoiling the moment we're finally sharing together. Something that this household missed, and may never see again.

Does she even realize the UHEG has collapsed into anarchy under the ruling hands of the SQC. In particular, George Shay, at its head. With shadows waiting for their turn as gods. That chaos has been soaring through the world like wildfire. Fasting then ever, since the Military heard of this event. Their ATTO has put their effort into its grandest hours. Something huge and devastating will occur in the next decade. I can only pray, the Iron Moth hasn't doomed us all.

....Switch, what are your intentions. I've followed you and Ploon, for five years without rest. Only in this past year, did make such sudden movements of lively hood. Murdering innocents, feasting in blood, loving a man you can't hold forever, manipulating Ploon in becoming what you are. Hoping to escape from a fleshy prison, fragmenting the diary's events she wrote, but how exactly.?

It doesn't make sense, you shouldn't exist. How are there two consciousness in one human being. That have been tied together since birth. Who were your biological parents? What happened to them.

Most of all, why does the Reptile harbor such a strong intrigue for you Switch and Ploon?

I intend too find out, personally.

####

About Dorsen Gorefote

"Limitation Inhibits Creation",

again, this quote of my mine, alone, should satisfy you.

If not, theres more below

I'm relativity young in my years, yet the awareness I've found myself harboring is quite astounding from the prospective of others. I'd say, this in part, just what's always been desired for me to achieve. Creating myself into a person, from which would be grand in and of itself.

Even more so, would be this here novelized story I crafted. Its taken nearly two years if not longer to compile everything. Which includes the other stories, and the massive marketing plan. Considering I'm still quite new to the world, art wise of course. My writing ability, should be a dead giveaway. More or less, its along those lines. Yet this story, is an achievement of many, that will come to pass in this world and my life. I do hope they take a catering into your own lives, just the same. In somewhat the same manner, becoming important. Something to look forward to in the coming months. Both inspiration, thought, convincing evidence, or just a dandy old reading of a thrill. Whichever comes first, at least something hopefully will happen.

Which is why I brought this topic up, in my younger life nearing my awaking awareness. I found myself in grade school, surrounded by mismatching information called education. Brought on by teachers who, desired the paycheck more so then the job or helping kids. Worse yet, do you know what they labeled me? "Special Needs", the ones who were mentally unsound. Though surely, it didn't take its toll upon my other classmates. It troubled me for days onward. Perhaps months, eventually, I accepted what was and what could be. I decided to move on with my life. To ensure, I wouldn't allow that disgracing label of my physiological condition to be my excuse for an easy ticket in life. It sickened me others just sat back and didn't care, yet I did. Not just about myself, but all of them and those that could be like myself. They just need a subtle thought to become aware. Take charge of their life, as I have, showing that nothing is to far to be obtained.

Not just to show myself, it could be done. Yet also witnessing the worlds reaction at such a goal being met. With my heart bleeding for the many who are and have been pushed aside in life, limited by the those who are selfishly aspired. I feel its time to move on, to what could be.

That is who I, Dorsen Viuss Gorefote, am.

Thanks for both supporting me with the purchasing of my ebook! And ensuring my artistic defiance will continue further in this hell of a world from which we reside.

If you haven't already, please do check our my site, there are many more delights from your support. Enlightenment Articles, short story erotica's, novel behind the scenes, illustrations, and pen name Sttorm. And of course my girls in life, ask them about me if your unsure. If you need some services do send me a message. We can discuss such matters, which will be diverse.

I'm also looking for a individual studio for this series movie adaptation, just send a message!

Along with others, who might help to assist me in my creations.

Thank you for your time, take care!

http://www.Freedomfromrain.weebly.com

***

About Freedom From Rain

I'm unsure what to call this, its more for professional reasons then anything else really. Since everyone loves to see a familiar publisher name next to their wonderful artists, the world over. Its more of a learned desire of ours, as readers, customers, supports, etc.

That is what Freedom From Rain's partial purpose of being created and imaged on my site and everything I'll be pushing out from my taboo cave. Call it my artists image, sign, acknowledgement that I had been involved. Now that I think about it a bit more, seems there happens to be many reasons for such a thing. Amazing how that works uh? Simple things in life, never are simple.

I have an article on my site that will explain where I got the name, "Freedom From Rain", for my site and overall image. Or if you already saw my first book trailer then indeed you should of gotten an idea already. Just check out my site, and such mysterious shall be known.

Including my Unity Challenge, that'll be affecting my entire career as with your further entertainment from myself. Includes the prices, backups, freebies, formats, languages, research, shorter tales, etc. Including an insurance policy, after you purchase this ebook. Send me your email address and format. So I'll add it to a list, from when you lose it or it gets corrupted. I'll send it straight away after notifying me about your recent loss. Only counts towards one.

Including a short chapter of an erotica of mine from a pen name, if you want.

What! Is that not enough! Check out more yourself:

http://www.Freedomfromrain.weebly.com

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Upcoming

Indeed, take a gander at my approaching novels, the many of the 30 I keep on talking about. This I the REAL deal folks, not just bluffing here. Their all thee, plots written out, and some of the covers are finished. Just keep me on your calendars. They won't disappoint, nor will I.

Already Released by my FFR partner in chime, STTorm Forelhost:

For more information:

http://sttormforelhost.webs.com/

END

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