>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE AGAIN.
>> WELL, THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING
ME TO MEET ERIC HOLDER.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU GOT TO
MEET HIM?
>> JUST NOW.
HE WANTED A PHOTOGRAPH WITH ME.
CHEESY OLD COMIC LIKE ME.
A GREAT MAN.
IF HE RUNS, I THINK I MIGHT COME
AND HELP HIM.
I THINK HE'S FANTASTIC.
I REALLY DO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YEAH, HE SEEMS
LIKE HE'S GOING TO DO IT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU SAY, YES,
I'M THINKING ABOUT IT, THAT'S
MEANS YOU'VE ALREADY DONE IT.
THAT'S WASHINGTON FOR RAISING
MONEY RIGHT NOW.
WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEING PART
OF TONIGHT'S FURRY HAT.
NO ONE ELSE HAS SHARED FURRY HAT
BUT YOU.
YOU'RE IT.
>> VERY SPECIAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I WANT TO THANK YOU, I FEEL VERY
PROUD OF THAT.
>> Stephen: NOTHING MAKES ME
HAPPIER THAN TO SEE JOHN CLEESE
IN A TRULY STUPID HAT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> I WAS WATCHING YOU TONIGHT.
YOU'RE SILLIER EVEN THAN I
THOUGHT.
>> Stephen: OH, GOOD!
WHAT AN HONOR!
>> IT'S A VERY HIGH COMPLIMENT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, SO LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING HERE -- WHY NO
SIR JOHN CLEESE?
SURELY YOU HAVE CONTRIBUTED AS
MUCH TO BRITISH CULTURE HAS SEAN
CONNERY OR SOMEBODY LIKE THAT
WHO'S ALREADY GOT A "SIR."
>> I'M TOO NAUGHTY!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT SIR ELTON
JOHN?
ELTON JOHN WAS NAUGHTY!
>> YES, BUT I'M UNTRUSTWORTHY
AND IRREVERENT AND VULGAR.
>> Stephen: DID YOU BORROW
MONEY FROM THE QUEEN AND NEVER
PAID BACK?
( LAUGHTER )
>> NO, EARLIER I WAS OFFERED A
CBE, WHICH IS --
>> Stephen: COMMANDER OF THE
BRITISH EMPIRE.
>> Stephen:.
GOD, YOU'RE GOOD!
YES!
( CHEERING )
>> Stephen: WHAT IS NIGHTHOOD,
O.B.E.?
>> YEAH, BUT LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT THE C.B.E.
IT'S COMMANDER OF THE BRITISH
EMPIRE.
I SAID, CAN I CALL MYSELF
COMMANDER CLEESE, LIKE COMMANDER
BOND?
AND THEY SAID, NO.
AND I SAID, WHAT IS THIS BRITISH
EMPIRE?
AND THEY SAID, WELL, THERE ISN'T
ONE ANYMORE, REALLY.
( LAUGHTER )
SO THAT'S NOT WORTH IT.
>> Stephen: HOW IS IT
DIFFERENT?
IS IT BETTER?
>> WHAT?
>> Stephen: COMMANDER?
THERE'S COMMANDER OF THE
BRITISH EMPIRE, THE ORDER OF THE
BRITISH EMPIRE, A MEMBER OF THE
BRITISH EMPIRE, AND THESE THINGS
ARE GIVEN OUT TO PEOPLE TO MAKE
THEM FEEL BETTER ABOUT
THEMSELVES IS THAT AND WHAT'S
THE BEST ONE?
>> THE BEST ONE IS THE ONE I WAS
OFFERED, AND THAT WAS C.B.E.,
AND THEN I WAS OFFERED A PIRAGE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
>> Stephen: LORD?
YES.
I COULD HAVE BEEN LORD CHEESE.
>> Stephen: YOUR FAMILY NAME
WAS CHEESE.
>> MY DAD'S NAME WAS CHEESE WHEN
HE WENT INTO THE FIRST WORLD WAR
TO FIGHT.
I WISH HE CHANGED IT TO
SOMETHING SENSIBLE.
I WAS ALWAYS TEASED IN SCHOOL.
WHY DIDN'T HE CHANGE IT TO
ROCKEFELLER?
NO, I WAS OFFERED A PIRAGE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU GET?
I WAS OFFERED A PARTY IN
ENGLAND CALLED THE LIBERAL
DEMOCRATS, AND AT THE END OF IT
WHEN HE RESIGNED AS LEADER, HE
SAID, THE HOUSE OF LORDS, AND I
REALIZED I WAS ASKED IF I WANTED
TO BE LORD CLEESE, AND I LOVED
THE IDEA BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE
ANNOYED THE PYTHONS SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, BECAUSE
YOU'RE COUNTERCULTURAL.
>> OH, YES, AND THEY WOULD HAVE
BEEN VERY CROSS.
( LAUGHTER )
AND HE SAID, BUT THE ONLY THING
IS, YOU HAVE TO VOTE ALL THE
TIME IN THE HOUSE OF LORDS.
I SAID, DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO
BE THERE IN THE WINTER?
HE SAID, I'M AFRAID.
SO AND I SAID, PASS.
( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE THING ON
MY BUCKET LIST AND THAT IS NEVER
TO BE COLD AGAIN.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WELL, YEAH, I CAN
SEE THAT.
I CAN SEE THAT.
DONALD TRUMP, YOU'RE FAMILIAR
WITH DONALD TRUMP?
>> I'VE HEARD THE NAME.
>> Stephen: YES.
( LAUGHTER )
HE SAYS HE THINKS THE BRITISH
LIKE HIM.
DO THEY LIKE HIM?
>> NO.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: HE LIKES THEM.
I THINK HE LIKES PEOPLE FROM THE
U.K.
I THINK HIS MOM IS SCOTTISH.
I THINK HIS MOM WAS BORN IN
SCOTLAND, BUT HE DOESN'T TRUST
CONTINENTAL EUROPEANS.
>> HE DOESN'T TRUST ANYONE IN
CHARGE OF A DEMOCRACY, DOES HE?
>> Stephen: NO.
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>> IT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: BIT OF A MILESTONE
"A FISH CALLED WANDA "--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SURE.
CELEBRATES ITS 30t
30th ANNIVERSARY THIS MONTH.
IT HAS A SAD BUT EXTRAORDINARY
HONOR OF SOME KIND.
WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT, A MAN, I
BELIEVE HE WAS DANISH --
>> HE WAS A DENTIST IN THE
SECOND LARGEST TOWN IN DENMARK.
>> Stephen: TELL THE PEOPLE
WHAT HIS REACTION WAS TO SEEING
THE MOVIE.
>> WELL, HE WAS FAMOUS, AND
AFTER ABOUT FIVE MINUTES, H HE
STARTED TO LAUGH, AND HE NEVER
STOPPED.
( LAUGHTER )
HE HAD A HEART ATTACK ON THE
THIRD DOG, AND PASSED AWAY AND
HAD TO BE CARRIED OUT OF THE
CINEMA DURING THE --
>> Stephen: YOU LITERALLY
KILLED A MAN?
>> I KILLED A MAN.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR
REACTION WHEN YOU FOUND OUT?
>> DELIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WE'VE ALL GOT TO
GO SOME TIME.
>> WE'VE GOT TO GO SOME TIME.
>> Stephen: I WOULDN'T MIND
DYING.
>> I'M NOT SURE HOW ONE SHOULD
GO, BUT I THINK LAUGHING IS
PROBABLY THE BEST.
BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT
KEVIN KLINE.
HE WAS WONDERFUL.
I SAID TO KEVIN, I'VE GOT TO
TELL YOU, WE KILLED MAN.
HE SAID WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
SO I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE DENTIST.
HE SAID, EXACTLY WHICH SCENE?
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELL, JOHN, LOVELY
TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> IT WAS REALLY NICE..
>> STEPHEN: JOHN CLEESE,
EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY ARCTIC MONKEYS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
