

* * * * *

Smashwords Edition

Published by Amanda Lanclos at Smashwords

Copyright 2016 – Amanda Lanclos

License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author's imagination and used fictitiously.
Adult Reading Material

This book is intended for mature audiences, 18 years of age or older. This book may contain graphic content of a sexual nature, not intended for underage individuals.

*****

#

To my mother, Lisa DeDeaux. The woman who believed in me, even when I didn't always believe in myself. I know you are not here to physically read this, but I honor you with it. Also, to every man and woman who has fought for my freedom in some form of the Military.

# Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Sneak Peek

#

Walking down the road in my APC with my M16 in my hand and my 9mm pistol in the holster on my belt, I keep my eyes open looking for any threat. My brothers are ahead of me and for the life of me I cannot shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen. Johnson looks over and I hear in my earpiece "Carter! Down the road."

Looking up at Johnson, I see those blue eyes that are always so alert so I follow them to where he is looking. About fifty feet in front of us, sits a group of Taliban men, waiting to hear the word and unleash their vengeance on the American Marines making their way to them. On days like today, I look at my brothers and think about why the hell we do this to ourselves. I think of my girl, Mary-Beth, at home and know that she is the reason behind it; because these bastards killed her mother and sister. They were in that plane that crashed into the field in Pennsylvania on September 11th. Leila, her sister, was sitting next to the man that called his wife and decided to take down the plane that day. Their mother was sitting in the next row and she was trying to use the phone to call their father, but could never reach him.

Everything goes quiet as I watch my comrades walking towards the crowd of men that are trying to break into our makeshift base. We have a couple of tents set up a few miles out from the camp in Kuwait. It's hot and humid, which makes wearing this gear even more miserable, but it's something you grow accustomed to. That's when I see it; the men keep looking back and forth between us and a spot just ahead of us. I'd been in a situation before that was very similar to this. The way the men were staring between us and a spot in the ground, made me believe they had a bomb hidden. At least, that's what happened the last time, my group was just the second one so we weren't affected. They are just waiting for us to set it off. Jackson is the leader in this mission so I try not to make a scene in front of the others, but I know the repercussions could be fatal, if I don't say something.

I run towards Jackson; he's the first in the group and at least thirty feet ahead of me, followed closely by Andrews, Black, and Miller. I scream, grabbing Johnson, pulling him behind me as I try to get Jackson to move away. "LANDMINE JACKSON! MOVE YOUR ASS!" But it comes out of my mouth too late. I see the events unfold before he event steps on it; I am going to lose four of my closest friends and confidantes in a matter of seconds. Mary-Bet's beautiful face flashes through my mind as the mine detonates. I cover Johnson's body with my own before everything else goes black.

#

Jerking out of the bed I gasp, my body is drenched in sweat from another nightmare. It's something that I've grown accustomed to. For five long months, I have been dreaming of the events of that night, only to wake up and have it become reality when I look down at my lower half.

Today is the day I get to leave this hellhole I have been placed into by the VA. I look around the room at all the high tech equipment they have surrounding me. There is a heart monitor and it is beeping like crazy as my eyes land on Mary-Beth sleeping peacefully on the pull-out couch. It took two months before I could return Stateside after the bombing; I had to have extensive therapy for the burns I sustained. Luckily for me I didn't have any scarring from the burns, however my legs couldn't be saved.

I can smell the hospital smell, you know what I mean? The clean smell, the smell of alcohol wipes, and the smell of iodine as it goes on to clean your skin. That is a smell I don't believe I will ever be able to forget. It will forever be etched into my brain.

An honorable discharge is what I got after having my legs blown apart and four of my best friends stripped from me, courtesy of Al-Qaeda. I have been through three extensive surgeries, and unfortunately by the end of them, my legs had to be amputated.

I look over and smile as I notice Mary-Beth lying on the couch of my hospital room, her brown hair covering her beautiful face. I laugh softly as I see the drool running down from her plump lips, to her chin then onto her pillow. She waited for me for three years after high school and I thank God every day because, let me be honest, I would have given up a long time ago if it weren't for her. It was hard for anyone to stay faithful to someone who wasn't there.

I went to college for a year, but decided it wasn't the right thing for me, but I'd proposed to Mary-Beth and I needed to make sure that I could provide for her. I decided at nineteen I wanted to be a Marine, so I enlisted. It took a month before I got to boot camp, but I surpassed and came out on top of my class. I served one tour in Iraq by the time I was twenty and now on my second tour, my career has ended at twenty-three.

Mary-Beth stirs, sitting up, wiping the drool from her face as she catches my eye. Standing from her makeshift bed she comes to the side of my bed.

"Did you sleep well?" she asks. Looking into those beautiful emerald green eyes, I see when she realizes that I had another dream. I won't deny it; she sees through my lies anyway.

"Eh, I had a rough night but it will be fine. I'm just ready to get the hell out of this place." I smile and lean into her hand when she places it on my cheek, but a feeling of dread washes over me as I look at the wheelchair they gave me as a means of getting around.

I hate that damn thing. I am a man. I shouldn't have to rely on anything to help me get around. Well, except for my midnight blue 2012 Mustang GT waiting for me at home. I thought I had a good reason to hate the men that performed those acts of terrorism on September 11th, but after February 2013 the reason behind my hate has changed. If I could, I would kill them all with my bare hands. I would.

"Are you ready to get out of here? I know a little girl who is going to be so excited to see you again, " Mary-Beth smiles. When I shrug she lets out a sigh, "Jameson, I know you're dealing with a lot of loss baby, but you have to remember, you're here and you survived. You cannot leave; I need you here with me." She lets out another sigh, looking me in the eye before she speaks again.

"I think God kept you alive for me. He knew if he took you away I would never be able to breathe again. After losing Mom and Leila, I could never imagine losing you. You're the greatest part of me. Even if you feel you're not whole, you are. You're alive and you're breathing. That's got to be worth something." A tear runs down her cheek as she looks at me, causing my breathing to hitch. I am being selfish. I am alive while four of my brothers were laid to rest. Their families have that burden to bear, while I just have to carry the thought of being half the man I once was.

"You're right Mary-Beth. I'm glad to still be breathing but it doesn't mean it's going to get easier. How am I supposed to go on? Knowing it could have been me; should have been me." I look down at the sheets and twist my hands into them so I don't have to look into her face. I know what's in her eyes; pity mixed with agony and I want neither of those emotions when I look at her.

She huffs, a couple of strands of hair falling into her face as she does. She walks over to her bag, grabs it off the floor and scurries to the bathroom, slamming the door. I wait until I hear the water running before I take a deep breath, lift my blanket slowly and look at the bandages on my now non-existent legs. I don't need to unwrap the bandages to know what is under them. My stumps are not anywhere near attractive, but I won't let them bring me down further than they have. I could sit here and scream at God, or hate myself for what's happened \- or I can make lemonade out of my lemons. I let the air leave my lungs in a loud groan, thinking of what the future holds.

I grunt loudly as the two nurses' help me from the bed to the wheelchair. "Man, you're going to be walking in no time with the physical therapist you were assigned. Blalock is the best in the profession around here," Kurt, the orderly, says as he wheels me down to the front of the hospital.

Mary-Beth is standing by her red Honda Accord with a huge smile on her face. "You finally get to come home." She squeals as she bounces up and down, while clapping her hands.  I laugh softly as I place my hands on the gray cloth in the car. I put one hand on the console and one on the dashboard as I try to not fall on my face. Kurt helped me several times to learn how to do this, so I don't want to look like an idiot.

Kurt steadies the wheelchair as I pull myself into the seat. I guess that's what I get for making fun of Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump. Now I'm the real life version of him. "Thanks for everything Kurt," I say and salute him before he shuts the door. Mary-Beth slides into the car and I notice her shorts ride up her already exposed thighs. "Baby, you're trying to kill me," I mutter with a grin as she gives me a wicked smile.

"No, I am trying to keep you alive, thank you," she replies as she starts driving to our house. We pull up to the house; a simple townhouse covered in brick, nestled between four others in the complex. I shake my head when I see the ramp that's been put over the few steps of the house. I hate that they went out of their way to make sure I could get into the house. I didn't want to feel like I couldn't do stuff for myself and this ramp was just a reminder that I was not the same person I was when I left. There is a white picket fence for Maggie, my golden Labrador, in the backyard. _Man how I have missed her!_ Mary-Beth gets the wheelchair out of the trunk and brings it over to my door.

"Thanks," I grunt out as I position my hands to move myself from the car to the chair. I will be so glad when I don't have to worry about relying on someone else to help me.

Mary-Beth stops at the front door then walks around me. "Wait right here Jameson. I'm gonna go put Maggie in the backyard so she doesn't jump all over you before you can get situated." She starts to open the door but I grab her arm.

"I want to see Maggie now, please." I smile as I push my chair up the ramp, wheeling myself into the threshold. I laugh when Maggie jumps onto my lap, as if she weighs ten pounds. We wrestle for a bit as she jumps around licking all over my face. Well at least one of my girls was excited to be reunited with me. It wasn't that Mary-Beth wasn't excited; I was torn and mangled when she first saw me. I guess that deserves a pass for not being enthusiastic.

"She's really been missing you the last few years, but a lot more since you came back for a week before your last deployment. She did a lot of moping. I suppose we owe Tanner, the kid next door, for spending time with her. He likes to play ball with Maggie. I think the kids at school bully him and she seems to be therapeutic for him." Mary-Beth smiles and pushes me into the living room before walking back to the kitchen.

Maggie jumps down and starts pawing at me to rub her head, so I rub the top of her head making sure to scratch behind her ear like I did when she was a puppy. I can't believe how big Maggie is. She has one ear that flops and one that sticks up in a funny way. Her long hair is all over the house, but it's totally worth it.  It's amazing how a dog will never forget a person who cared for it. Well I'm sure they won't forget the person who abuses them, either.

"Here baby." I turn to see a beer sitting in front of my face. Thank the good Lord for this woman, who knows me so well. I take a sip, moaning my approval as the familiar taste slides over my taste buds. "I was gonna see if you wanted to go to Hooters tonight. Mason and Luke wanted to see you, but if you're not up for it we can stay in and I'll order some pizza." She smiles as I look up into her face. It wasn't that I was trying to avoid my two best friends, I just really didn't want to be seen right now.

"I think I'd better wait a few more days before I try to do the social thing. Hooters isn't really the place for me to go, not like this." I point to the chair and Mary-Beth's smile disappears.

"And why not?" _Uh oh, bitchy woman is out again._

"Mary-Beth, I'm in a damn wheelchair and it's always so packed in there. I wouldn't be able to get around," I groan, my eyes hardening. I won't budge on this, this shit sucks... having to worry about what people will think of the poor crippled man.

"Jameson, they have to be able to accommodate you. It's against the law not to." _Here goes momma bear Mary-Beth._ It's something I have always loved about her; that she never lets people get picked on. She tried to be superwoman to everyone when we were younger. Well, except to Luke's sister Sam. It was like they had a competition or something. Speaking of Sam, I need to check on her. I haven't spoken to her since the night I left for Afghanistan.

"You're right Mary-Beth, but I'd rather not go for a few more weeks please." I pet Maggie's head again as I turn on the flat screen to watch some LSU football. Don't judge me. Les Miles puts on a nail-biter and it's not always easy to see my Tigers play where I've been on deployment.

"Okay, I'll just go order us some pizza then," she huffs, as she walks her sassy little ass back into the kitchen. For once I actually feel like a man again. Pissed off woman? Check. Dog by my side? Check. Beer in my hand? Check. Step one on my road to normalcy is complete.

I sit on the couch with Mary-Beth and Maggie on either side of me. Funny how they can come and go as they want, but I have to move from one seated place to another. I eat my greasy pizza and groan; hospital food sucks compared to this. Grabbing Mary-Beth's slender hand I watch as the diamond I placed on it sparkles. She squeezes my hand and lays her head down in my lap as I watch the game. I take a pull of my beer, reveling in the feeling of how nice it is to have her by my side again.

"It's nice to have you back Jameson," She sighs contently.

"It's good to be back. I've missed being all domesticated," I chuckle lightly when she slaps my thigh.

"Not funny. I know you feel like you're not enough anymore, but baby you'll always be enough for me," she looks at me with those beautiful green eyes I've loved since we were sixteen.

"I know Mary-Beth. It's just hard to explain." I put the beer down as I run my fingers through her hair. I watch as she closes her almond shaped green eyes.  This is my Mary-Beth; she's the reason I spent hours with Luke, catching fireflies in mason jars. I wanted to light up the blanket where Mary-Beth and I made love for the first time, behind old man Rayborn's barn. I remember this look of bliss on her face after that, and now I remember why I survived that bomb. She needed me, and dammit I was going to be everything she needed. Even if I am only half the man I used to be

#

Wheeling myself into the office to be fitted for my therapy to be able to wear prosthetics, I am overcome with anxiety. These episodes have become a permanent fixture in my life. The last one was two nights ago when the first time I tried to make love to Mary-Beth since I got home from the hospital last week. It was not a blast in a glass like I expected. A man with no legs is not the best to try to have sex with. I mean honestly, how can I be when I can only sit in this wheelchair or move to the bed?

Mary-Beth walked in wearing her little silk nightgown, taking my breath away. I can see her nipples pebbled under the silk of the nightgown and a shaky groan is pulled from my lips. I clench the sheets of the bed, wanting so badly to walk over to her and take her like I had in previous escapades. I groan in frustration as she walks to the bed.

"Jameson, you don't need to be frustrated baby. We will get through this." She smiles at me, her brown hair falling in waves over one of her shoulders. I lick my lips as I see the tiny purple strap of her nightgown slide down her slender shoulder. I look at her with hunger in my eyes and for the first time since we have been back together, I am actually turned on. I want to sink into her heat and make her scream my name. "Mary-Beth, get your sexy little ass over here right now," I say huskily. I see her eyes look over me from the tip of my head to the erection pushing against my boxer briefs, all the way down to the nub of a leg. I see the flash of pity in her eyes, but I try to ignore it as she sidles over to me on the bed. I grab her hips when she's close enough, smiling at the sound my movements pull out of her. I haven't heard that whimper in a very long time.

"Jameson, are you sure about this?" she asks a little breathless. I answer by pulling her up to straddle me, my lips crashing into hers and wrapping my fingers in the silk of her mousy brown hair.

I rejoice in the feel of her on top of me again, but I can't help but feel a pang of remorse that I cannot please her like I used to. I try to focus on the here and now. Instead, my mind flickers back to the times where I would push her up against the door with her arms and legs wrapped tightly around me while my hips slammed against her.

Thinking of this is all it takes and down he goes. Mary-Beth looks at me with a glare and sighs. "I knew you weren't ready for this Jameson! Now you have me all worked up and you're not even in the mood." She huffs, sliding off me and leaving the room. I sit there watching the empty doorway thinking about what the hell just happened. Way to ruin a moment J, way to ruin it. I slide a hand through my hair and sigh as I roll onto my side and try to be grateful that I am still alive.

I snap out of it as I hear someone calling my name. "Mr. Carter?" I nod and let out an affirmative that I am indeed Mr. Carter. I let them direct me to the room I will be meeting my therapist in, to be fitted for the prosthetic legs. My mind is spinning when I look up and notice Samantha Blalock in front of me. It's been two and a half years since I have seen Samantha, but she hasn't changed one bit, or maybe she has. I take in her blonde hair with the purple streaks running throughout and the sleeve of tattoos she has running down her arm. Well, well, well. Someone isn't the typical girl next door we all thought she was growing up.

"Well, I'll be! It's the infamous Jameson Carter! How are you?" Sam smiles at me as I look into her steely grayish blue eyes for the first time since we graduated high school. Of course Sam would go and make something of herself. She always had that nurturing way about her.

"Seriously, Sam? How am I? Did you really just ask me that? I'm missing my damn legs," I snap, wincing when she recoils. But then, as quick as it came it's gone and in its wake is another Sam, someone I don't know. She's become professional, not the girl I made mud pies with growing up. She smiles, but it never reaches her eyes.

"Well Carter, you surely have not become any less of an ass since high school. Quit feeling sorry for yourself! If you want my help, I don't allow anyone to wallow in self-pity. I expect you to get your ass up on your prosthetics and man the fuck up." She stares at me and waits for an answer.

I gulp and look at the girl who was always quiet and never got in anyone's way. Actually, come to think of it, I am pretty sure she was the mousy kid all the preppy girls like Mary-Beth shoved around. "I'll be damned! Samantha Blalock grew some damn balls!" I grin, looking at her.

"At least someone did," she retaliates as she sits down in the chair and pulls up to my legs.

"Really, low blow," I growl as she pats my hand.

"Don't come in here acting like a big shot. You will get put in your place. We aren't ten anymore, Carter." She smiles while she grabs my knee and starts to unbandage it. "Any phantom pain?"

Really? Phantom pain? "Not yet, but I was on a lot of meds in the hospital." I meet her eyes as she shakes her head.

"Be prepared then. They are a bitch when they finally happen." She pulls off the bandage, looking at my nub right where my knee should be. "Healed up really nice. You're gonna do great with the prosthetics we have. Since you're almost like family, I'll make sure you've got the best." She winks before standing to walk out of the room.

"Thanks, Sam," I wince. I am so not used to having people help me.

An hour later I have my legs taped and have tried on ten different prosthetics. I finally find a pair that I actually feel comfortable in. Sam surprises me by keeping me in my place and not letting me feel sorry for myself.

"You have no reason to feel sorry for yourself, Carter. You get to breathe another day and you get to see the light of the sun in the morning. When that doesn't happen, then you have a reason to be sorry, but until then, shut up and get up," Sam says. She stands, holding her hands out to help me up.

"Are you kidding me? I don't want you to help me up! If I am going to do this, I am going to do it by myself," I growl out. I'm a damn man for crying out loud. I may have lost my legs, but my balls are still between my fucking legs. I watch as Sam just stands there and stares, before letting out a long huff.

"Look Jameson, I know you have this man complex, but you have to let me help you for now. I can help you from the table, but once your stupid ass hits the floor, the big dogs have to come pick you up. So what's it gonna be?" She eyes me, sighing when she can tell my mind's been made up. She takes a step back, puts her hands on her hips and looks at me while I stand on the new legs I've been given. Lord wouldn't you know? The bitch was right! She laughs! She actually fucking laughs as I fall to the floor on my ass. "I told you so." She smiles and this just pisses me off more. When did sweet innocent Sam become such a bitch?

"You knew I'd fall didn't you?" I growl as I try to push up on my hands. I don't really know how to work the prosthetics and I keep landing on my ass again.

"I told you. Now sit your ass there while I call for help," she laughs out. Then she turns and walks out of the room, leaving me there lying on the ground helpless, yet again.

Two days later I am back in the physical therapy room watching as men and women just like me are put back together. I can tell Sam is in her element and that she loves doing this. She sees me and walks over, hands on her hips and beams, "Ready for day number two?"

"You're a bitch Sam." I raise an eyebrow as she throws her head back, laughing.

"Well, I'm the bitch your momma warned you about." She laughs softly while I shake my head.

"Wow, don't do that! You're not Luke." I laugh and she slaps my arm. "Hey! Don't slap me! HELP! She's beating me!" I yell out and the guy working with a woman on walking with her one leg and prosthetic laughs.

"They know we grew up together. I mean most of them know of you whether you realize it or not. You're kind of a Hero around here." She looks at me, with a look I'm not used to seeing. She's proud of me. She starts to tape up my legs. "Hurting at all today?" She looks at me as she rubs over my sore legs.

"Not so bad. Yesterday hurt like hell. It felt like fire ants were attacking me." I gasp and then I feel it \- my first bout of phantom pain.

"I told you it was coming." She looks at me, my hands white from gripping the bed and clenching my jaw to not yell in agony. "Right here?" she asks as I look at her like she's lost her mind. She is rubbing the air where my calf used to be and it actually seems to be making the pain ease up. My breathing starts to return to normal and I gasp.

"Thanks," I pant from the exertion I just placed on myself.

"Anytime. That's part of the job. Every person you see in here has gone through it, and it isn't over; it will happen again. It's part of getting healthy." She has a sad look in her eyes, but for once when I see this look from her, it's not pity - it's understanding. Does she think she understands anything that I have gone through? Sam hasn't gone to war; she hasn't seen the things I have. She's been in small town Louisiana and probably will never know what it's like to feel damaged.

Two weeks go by and I am starting to get better on the temporary prosthetics Sam has me walking with. I am sitting on the table waiting for Sam to come in the room. Glancing at my phone, I see that Blake Johnson has sent another text. He just doesn't know when to give up.  I'll call when I'm ready.

Sam comes into the room with purple scrubs that have an outline of lime green on the neckline and the strings of her pants. I have to hold back a chuckle when I look down to see the bright ass lime green sneakers she has on her feet.

"Morning, Jameson.  I want to look at your legs for a bit before we start your therapy. You okay with that?" She smiles at me and then she sits down on the chair. She meets my gaze and I notice again that the light doesn't touch her eyes there anymore. What the hell happened to it?

"Yeah, they've been kind of tender the last few days." I put my arms down by my side and lean forward a bit as Sam starts to un-bandage my legs.

"That's totally normal. Bruising will occur the first few weeks, but as the skin toughens, it won't hurt as much. That's why it takes so long for people to get up on their legs after something like this." She smiles and touches what's left of my leg.

"Ow," I hiss and jump as she hits a tender spot.

"There's a pretty big bruise here. Sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt you on purpose...this time." She looks at me and laughs. "Tonight, when you get home, I want you to soak in the tub. Get some Epsom salt to put in it. It will help you with the swelling a bit." She smiles and stands up. "Now it's time to wrap you back up and get on with your therapy." Yep, she totally wants me to die.

I hate the parallel bar thing they make me hold onto while walking. It reminds me of the monkey bars kids play on at the playground, only they come up to my hips and don't have the little bars going through it. I walk on this holding the bars as I take steps. This is ridiculous. Is it really that hard to walk on these things?

I let go of the bar and almost topple face first. Okay, yes. It really is that hard to walk on these. "I told you to quit that. You're going to hurt yourself even more, Jameson. Just listen to me for once, please," Sam says from behind me.

"I do listen," I say and she laughs loudly.

"Sure, that's why you broke your arm in second grade, huh?" I laugh. I had forgotten about that. Luke, Sam, and I went down to the creek and Luke told me he didn't think I would use the rope swing to jump the bend and I of course disagreed. Sam begged us both to stop and kept saying that someone would get hurt. And what do you know? She was right. I couldn't play peewee football that year because my arm was broken.

"Point well taken," I huff as I walk more on the prosthetics. A girl is beside me learning to use her hand prosthetic, and I have to give it to Sam. These aren't the cheap prosthetic hands. These are the ones that have the covering to actually make it look like it isn't fake. I mean, yeah you can tell it isn't her real hand, but from a distance it doesn't look artificial

I use my head to point in her direction and look at Sam. "What happened to her hand?" I whisper to Sam and she smiles.

"She doesn't bite. Ask her." With that she turns and walks away. Well, great. I don't want to be friendly. I just want to walk again.

"I heard you ask her. I got bit by a rattlesnake in the desert sleeping. They had to cut my hand off to save me. We were too far away from help so we cut it and made a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. So here I am." She smiles. "I'm Jade." She waves her hand a little and then starts to practice picking up things with her new hand. "I heard about you, LCPL Carter. You saved one of your guys. That was a brave thing to do." I groan, and she gives me a sad look. "I won't say more, but it was. I know you battle with the four you lost, trust me. I lost one myself." Her eyes glaze over as she remembers her own faults.

"Yeah, that hurts like a bitch." I laugh a little.

"Yeah it does," she says as she gets up and puts her good hand on my shoulder. "It gets easier to deal with. I promise." She gives me a sad smile and then walks away.

A few weeks later and I am actually able to walk around on the prosthetics, but I can't wear them for longer than an hour or so. Paul, another therapist, comes in and is doing therapy with me as we talk and cut up. He's a really nice guy, but not someone I'd want to piss off. He kind of reminds me of that MMA fighter Chael Sonnen. He could probably be the guys' decoy with a hat on his head.

"Paul, I pay you to help him, not give him things to rib me about," Sam says as she walks by with a smile on her face, one that I notice still hasn't reached her eyes.

"Aw Sam, we were just talking about how good your butt looks in those jeans," Paul says and winks.

"Not funny," she growls and walks away.

"Um, dude, that's your boss. I don't think you're supposed to say shit like that." He laughs and shrugs.

"She's just mad 'cause I asked her friend Sally for her number after Sam and I went out on a date last month. But you're right, she is the boss lady. I should have never have gone out with her either." He laughs a little and then goes back to helping me with building up my leg muscles again. Today I have been working on my hamstrings, adductors, and quadriceps.

"Come on Jameson, I'm going to bring you to the aqua therapy room." I look up to see Sam standing beside me with a wheelchair. Really? A wheelchair?

"Sam, I want to walk." I can see a fight coming.

"Fine, but I am bringing the chair 'cause you're going to need it." I am determined to not need that damn cell. Yes, that's exactly what it is - it's my personal cell. It confines me and makes me weak. I will learn to walk again and I will not look back. Finally we make it to the pool and I groan from the pain in my legs. "You should have sat down in the chair, Jameson. No one here is judging you. They are going through it too, and I sure as hell won't judge you. No one said this would be easy because it's not. You are going to hurt; you're going to fall; and you're going to need help. Don't be a macho man. You are going to fail if you don't let someone help you."

She takes off my new legs, then unwraps one leg while I unwrap the other, then wheels me to the side of the pool. I used to love to swim but now it isn't as fun as it used to be. I get why they have me swimming though; it really does build the muscle back into my legs and it helps soothe the pain.

"You're doing great, Jameson. Just like when we were kids. You'll be back to normal in no time, I promise you." That is one thing that makes me glad to know Samantha. She was always trying to help someone and she never gave up on anyone. That is a great characteristic for someone to have. Now if only I could have that outlook on life, because if I was her, I'd have given up on me months ago. "But, I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay, shoot." I run my hand over the back of my neck as she shifts uncomfortably. "Sam, you know you can talk to me about anything."

"How are you doing with your PTSD?"

"I'm having nightmares," I willingly admit, because I know she can see right through me anyway.

"I have a friend, his name is Oscar Tyler, he's a therapist. I think you should give him a call, it's up to you. But, I think it might help to talk it out."

"I'll think about it." I will think about it, because in all honesty, I should talk to someone. I feel guilty for surviving, for living, and I hate losing my legs. I have so much anger and hate inside of me, that I should talk to someone about it all.

"That's all I can ask of you," she pats my shoulder before walking back into her office. 

#

A couple of weeks have gone by since Sam brought up the therapist. With everything that's been going on at home with Mary-Beth and my inner turmoil about the accident, I decide to call him. I dial the number I found for an Oscar Tyler PhD, but don't hit the call button. I debate on whether or not I really need to sit with someone and express my feelings. I have turned everyone away from me, trying to hide the inner hate for myself that is swirling around. I quickly press the green phone button, placing the phone to my ear before I can talk myself out of it.

"Hello?" A woman's voice comes through the phone, shocking me a bit.

"Hi, I am looking for an Oscar Tyler?"

"Yes sir, this is his secretary. Can I help you?"

"Samantha Blalock recommended Mr. Tyler to me, I'd like to set up an appointment."

"Yes sir, of course. Would next Monday around ten work for you?"

"Yes, that would be perfect. Thank you," I run my hand over my bandaged nub as I speak, I wish I could go back to that day and change it all. That's a wish I will continue to beg for.

"Can I get your name please?"

"Jameson Carter."

"Great, Mr. Carter, we will see you next week." With that, the woman hangs up the phone. I am left, sitting in my wheelchair in the kitchen, waiting for Mary-Beth to get home from Anna's hair salon. I decide to try and be a bit more useful around the house while Mary-Beth is out. It's crazy how the simplest of tasks are now harder to do than before with this huge hunk of metal I'm bound too. Wheeling myself to the pantry, I grab the broom and dustpan, setting out to sweep all of the hair and dirt around the house from Maggie running in and out. Sweeping in a wheelchair is a lot harder than one would think, especially trying to hold the damn broom and turn the chair in a circle or move it a few feet to sweep more.

"Jameson? Baby, what are you doing?" I jerk my head at the sound of Mary-Beth's voice and as soon as her face comes into my view, I wish I hadn't.

"What's it look like Mary-Beth?" I hiss, pissed at myself for looking like a fool and being unable to do anything. Hell I can't even stand up to piss anymore. Could I really be losing all my damn dignity?

"Well, I was just asking. There is no need to get all pissy." She storms passed me, not even bothering to look at me. I'm thankful she doesn't because I don't want her pity. She comes back through, a bag in her hand. "I'm going to Anna's."

"Of course you are. You always run when the going gets tough."

"Don't. You. Dare! I've been here waiting for you to come home from fighting a fight that isn't yours to fight!" She slams the bag down, looking at me, her eyes flaming with rage.

"It isn't? So your mother and your sister? They aren't worth the fight Mary-Beth?" I know it's a low blow, but she acts as if I did this for just me. I wanted to help get the bastards that killed her family.

"You're an asshole. Losing them was horrible, losing you would have killed me." She sighs, grabbing her bag and walking out of the door. Of course she would.

Monday morning I find myself in a cream colored office, thankful that I am able to get into the place easily in my wheelchair. Since Mary-Beth wasn't able to drive me, because she still hasn't forgiven me for my actions on Friday, I asked Mason to. It really sucked not being able to drive yourself back and forth. Having to rely on someone else to help you with anything was not easy, but I was learning that if I wanted to get better sometimes help was the way to go. As I sit in my wheelchair, looking around the office with the interesting paintings of abstract crap you have no idea what it is, I get a feeling of nostalgia. They make me think of how unpredictable life is, how you can never really plan the outcome.

"Mr. Carter?" I hear a man's voice, my head whipping to my right as my name is called. I see a stocky man who looks to be in his mid forties with a gut poking over his belt. He's wearing khaki slacks with some brown loafers and a red polo shirt. He's got beady brown eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses and his hair has a horrible comb over.

"That would be me." I wheel my chair toward him as he smiles. It's a genuine smile that eases my earlier dismay.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Oscar." He holds his hand out to me, grabbing mine firmly and shaking it as he makes eye contact. "Thank you for service, sir."

"No thanks are needed." I've gotten so used to saying it, that it's a permanent reaction.

"Sure thing. Come on back. We'll get started." He opens the door as he speaks, holding it open for me to navigate through. Once we are both settled, I look around the office, much to my surprise its different than the lobby. The walls are a medium gray and have minimal things on the wall. There is a plaque as well as a diploma and a few odd and end pictures sporadically placed. "So Jameson. Tell me a little background about you, so that we can see how to best help you."

"I'm still reliving that night in my head, in my dreams, every night. I try to hide the facts from my fiancé, Mary-Beth, but I don't really know if I am. The cold sweats, the horrible screaming sometimes. It's affecting my relationship. I mean hell; most men coming home from war are jumped by their women when they get back. It's been dry around my place, if you catch my drift."

He chuckles a little as he writes something down. "I promise, you are not the only one who has told me that. Most women, they do feel relieved when their significant others comes back, but you forget. They have to overcome things too. You were trained to be a killing machine. In the year or so you were away, you've changed too."

I am silent as what he says sinks in. He is right, not only have I changed physically, but mentally as well. I am not the same guy that she let go off to war. Being taught to shoot women, men and even children if you thought they were a threat had a way of changing you. I knew several people who had to undergo extensive therapy after the shit they'd seen over seas. War was never meant to pretty and freedom was never truly free.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Oscar asks as he watches me, his eyes following me and I can almost see the wheels in his head churning as we speak.

"I know that I'm not the same, I mean I've lost my legs. But, I'm still the same guy she fell in love with, that hasn't changed."

"Well, maybe she has then. I don't know her so I can't speak personally for her."

"Mary-Beth isn't the best person when stress is involved. I'd say this ordeal has been a pretty stressful experience for us both." I look down at my hands because I don't want to see him writing facts about me in his little clipboard. My life is something that is personal and if I didn't feel like I needed to get some of this shit out of me, then I wouldn't be here.

"Stress is something that can change anyone. Let's talk a little bit about how you're feeling about your friend's deaths," he says it so calmly that I have to repeat his statement in my head several times, my mouth opening and closing resembling a fish.

"What about them?"

"You feel like it should have been you?" His eyes blaze a hole into me as he asks the question. _Really? Is that really a question that should be asked? Of course I do._

"Of course. They were my brothers. I should have been buried along with them. I shouldn't be sitting in this chair, talking to you right now." I look away, wondering why I feel that way. _Shouldn't I be happy to be alive? Shouldn't I be thanking God that I can still breathe? That I can still look at Mary-Beth and hold her, kiss her?_

"Well, that is very normal for someone in your case. You have what we call Survivor's Guilt. You feel as if you shouldn't be able to live because these men died helping you. You served with them, but I can guarantee you, that they don't want you to think that. They knew what they were signing up for."

"It's not that easy," I start to say but he cuts me off.

"It may not be that easy, Jameson. But, it is the truth. If it were one of your comrades here instead of you, would you want them to feel as you do?"

"Of course not."

"Exactly. Remember that when you feel that way again," he smiles. "I think our time is up for today. I'd like to see you once a week, but if you feel you need more than that we can schedule you for two days a week." He stands from his position in his chair, just as I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pull it out and groan when I see **Johnson** lighting up the screen. "There a problem?"

"No, it's just the guy I saved. I have been avoiding him, but he keeps calling."

"You should answer it. You think you feel horrible, think of how he feels," he gives me a pat on the shoulder as we exit the room, him walking behind me as I roll myself out into the lobby. "I bet he probably feels guilty too. Had you not saved him and through yourself on him, you might still be walking. Call him," he gives me a small smile.

"I'll think about it," I mutter, knowing that I won't be calling anytime soon. I just don't want to talk to him right now. I don't think I could keep up the façade that I am really doing all right if I did.

Mason waits patiently for me to climb from the wheelchair to my seat in his truck. Once I've maneuvered myself into the seat and buckled my belt, he takes my wheelchair and places it in the bed of his truck. I hate that my life has been brought to this, having to be waited on by someone. Losing my legs has really been a hard thing for me, because with losing them, I've lost my independence. I hate having to ask for help and Mason knows it.

"So, did it go okay?"

"Yeah, do you think you can bring me back next week?" I hate asking, but I don't want anyone else to know.

"Yep, just let me know when. I'll make arrangements. Your secret is safe with me." He doesn't look at me, but continues to look at the road. We both have several secrets hidden within the deepest confines for each other. I may not have known him as long as I'd known Luke, but he was someone I trusted with my life.

"Thanks. I don't want to say I'm ashamed, but I also don't want people to know."

"Hey, look." He turns his head, his brown eyes almost seeing straight through me. "I've been there J. I know what it's like to need to get the crap out of your head. It's okay to need help, brother." He turns his eyes back to the road as he turns onto my street. Pulling to a stop in my driveway and throwing the truck into park.

"Thanks Mason." I open the door as he does the same, walking around the truck and unloading my wheelchair before bringing it to my door. "I really can't wait to be able to walk again and not have to rely on this damn thing," I huff as I move from one seat to the next. "I'm almost positive I won't have an ass at all by the time I get to it, it will be a flat piece of nothing."

Mason lets out this huge cackle, grabbing his stomach as he bends laughing. "Oh, J. That was hilarious. Come on man, Sam will have you walking in no time."

"Yeah, if she gets that stick out of her ass," I mutter, causing Mason to stop in his tracks and glare at me with a look so fierce. _What the hell is that? Is he seeing Sam?_

"Look, shits happened since you've been gone. She'll tell you when she's ready to, but you need to know that. She's not a bad person Jameson." He almost growls the last part of it.

"Then why doesn't someone tell me?" I hiss, because I am so sick of this run around.

"Because, we all made a pact. You're both my friends and I love you both, but I wouldn't tell Samantha your secrets, so I have no right to tell hers."

"Is it bad?" I'm shocked to feel my heart dropping at the change in his demeanor. _Shit. It's bad._

"It was pretty bad, J. I saw her after, but it's not my place. She will tell you, in time. You used to be her friend at one point."

"I still am," I say, but even I know that's not true. Once Mary-Beth came into the picture, I walked out of Sam's life. Of course being Luke's best friend, we managed to cross paths on a regular occurrence.

"Keep telling yourself that. I'll see you around, man. I have to go help the old man." He pats my back before climbing into his truck, cranking it and leaving me sitting in my wheelchair right by the ramp, leading to my front door. Time to go grab a beer and see what's on the television.

As I wheel myself into the house, I am shocked to find Mary-Beth standing there waiting on me. She's dressed in one of my dress shirts and a pair of black lace panties. My mouth immediately starts to salivate as I watch her leaning over the kitchen counter, her ass in the air.

"Well, this is an unexpected surprise," I drawl as I wheel myself closer, my body starting to harden as I take in the sight before me.

"I missed you today. I figured we could try this again?" She looks so unsure of herself that I instantly feel bad. Have I been so misguided by her body language this whole time? Have I been so off course with my own insecurities that I may have caused her to have her own.

"I'd like that very much. Let's go to the couch?" She smiles as I say the words, turning and swinging her hips in a seductive manner as I wheel myself behind her. "Damn baby, that ass is amazing in those."

"I knew you'd like them," she purrs as she looks over her shoulder at me. She waits patiently for me to move from one perch to the next before she slides her leg over my body and sits in my lap. I try to stay in the here and now. Trying hard not to think about the stumps of my legs and thinking of how Mary-Beth's soft body feels next to mine.

Her lips descend on mine and every thought I had before are now non-existent. All that is left to think about is how well our bodies mold together and as we join together for the first time in a very long time I am overcoming with the love and desire that I have for my beautiful fiancé. Mary-Beth rides me until we both pant with the orgasms we have both achieved. She kisses my neck and breaths the words "I love you" into it before she climbs off of me.

"Stay right there, I'll come bring you a towel," she smiles as she walks toward the bathroom, leaving me with a huge smile because for once I feel like the two of us have connected again and we may just be able to make us work. 

#

It's been four months since Sam and I have been doing this physical therapy shit, and wouldn't you know; she really is acting like the biggest bitch since high school. I don't know if it's because she's driven with her patients, or if something has actually crawled up her ass. It's not like she's the one missing both her legs.

I sit on the examiner bed waiting for her to come in, thinking about what happened last night with Mary-Beth.  I'm pretty sure I scared the shit out of her, but she doesn't understand what I am going through either. It's hard to depend on people. Today I am going to walk out of here with my prosthetics attached to my legs, not with the damn wheelchair I have been bound to.

"JAMESON!!!!" I hear Mary-Beth screaming and shaking me but I can't stop the screams coming from my mouth. My legs are in so much pain and I just keep trying to rub them. She's shaking me like I've gone crazy and looking at me with fear.

"Jameson! Please baby! Tell me how to help you!" She is searching frantically for something.  I am afraid she may be looking for the phone to call the psych ward. I take a few deep breaths and look at her.

"Mary-Beth... I need you to rub my legs, please. They hurt." I keep rubbing the air where my legs used to be and she looks at me like I am crazy.

"Baby, there's nothing there." She looks at me apologetically. "Don't ask; please Mary-Beth, just do it. Sam normally does this at therapy. It's phantom pains. Please just do this for me," I beg her through clenched teeth and at last she complies. Finally we are able to go back to sleep, and as we do I get this feeling I may have pushed Mary-Beth a little too far.

"Jameson?" I look up to see a big burly guy standing in the room with me. "Yes, I'm Jameson." I look him up and down wondering what he's doing here with me. Where is Sam? I have come to love the teasing and banter that happens between Sam and I. Oh shit... do I like Sam? No way. There is no way. I am in love with Mary-Beth. We are just going through a rough patch and why wouldn't we? I just lost my damn legs. That's something that changes things right? It won't tear us apart. It has just put a wedge between us but we will be fine.

"Jameson?" I look up at the guy. "Sorry, um... where's Sam?" He chuckles and I run my hands over my head.

"Sam had some errands to run today and a couple of things to do, so she took the day off. I'm Patrick and I will be helping you today. Hopefully we will have these prosthetics on your legs when you leave and not that wheelchair." I immediately sit up at the sound of that!

"HELL YEAH!!" I yell and he just chuckles again. I smirk as he walks over to help me attach the prosthetics to my legs and then he helps me stand.

"You're doing pretty well on these. Sam is one of the best trainers we have, but I guess after what she's been through she knows what you all go through as well," he says and I stall.

"What she's been through?" He looks at me and then gets quiet, obviously not his story to tell. Note to self - ask Luke what the hell changed Sam.

After an hour with Patrick and sweat streaming down my body, I finally walk out of the doors to the physical therapy place, instead of wheeling. I only have to attend physical therapy twice a month instead of twice a week. This alone is amazing news.

"Dude! You got your legs! That's freaking awesome!" Luke calls from his truck as I climb in.

"I am so glad I don't have to have wheels anymore, other than my mustang." I have the biggest grin on my face. "Mind if we stop by JoLynn's so I can grab some flowers for Mary-Beth?"

"You got it my brother!" Luke peels out of the parking lot as we head into town. I couldn't be happier because I have gotten my independence back. I just needed to call Johnson, because Oscar has been telling me for three months that

When I get to the apartment, I set the roses on the counter where Mary-Beth can see them. Then I go to the bedroom and sprinkle some of the petals on the bed before I walk back out to the kitchen. I grab a few pans and start cooking some chicken alfredo, since it's Mary-Beth's favorite meal. I cut up and steam some broccoli to throw in with the food, smiling as I hear the door opening.

"Jameson?" I look over my shoulder to see Anna, Mary-Beth's best friend, and groan.

"Hey Anna," I say and see Mary-Beth walk in behind her.

"Oh my gosh! This is beautiful Jameson!" She kisses me on the cheek and smells the flowers as Anna gives a sheepish look.

"You gals hungry? I thought I'd play Mr. Susie Homemaker while you were working," I say with a wink and Anna blushes while Mary-Beth laughs softly.

"Maybe I should come back later Mary-Beth.  I um, I don't want to interrupt." Anna blushes and looks down at the floor, but Mary-Beth quickly answers.

"No, don't go.  We have a lot of stuff to do. Jameson won't mind. Will you?" She looks at me as if to say I had better not.

"If you'll excuse us Anna, I'm just going to steal Mary-Beth for a moment." I smile and walk to the bedroom.

"JAMESON YOU'RE WALKING! That's amazing!" Anna yells as I chuckle and continue to walk to the bedroom. I've always liked Anna. She's a sweet girl with auburn hair that's curly as all get out. She has a button nose and freckles. She kind of reminds me of Pippi Longstocking.

"I'm sorry Jameson. I didn't know." Mary-Beth says and I just roll my eyes.

"What's new Mary-Beth? This happens all the time. I try to do something nice for you and it always gets screwed up." I look at her, she gasps and jumps like I have slapped her.

"What did you expect Jameson! I was freaked out after last night. I didn't want to be alone!" she yells at me.

"ALONE? You are not alone. You have me!!!" I look at her as I sit on the bed, my hands in my hair. "What's happening to us Mary-Beth?" I finally look at her and see the tears running down her face.

"I don't know Jameson. I honestly don't know." She sighs and walks out the bedroom door. That's when I make my mind up. I grab my phone of the nightstand, sending a text Luke and Mason to meet me at the bar outside of town.

Walking into the living room I turn to Anna, "Enjoy dinner. There's some wine in the fridge, too." I try to hide my disappointment as I walk out the front door. A minute later, Anna comes running out of it.

"Jameson, wait." I just raise my hand and keep walking, not in the mood to hear anything more from either of them. This is how it's always been. When something goes wrong, it's Anna and Mary-Beth against the world, and sometimes me. 

#

Sitting at the table with Mason and Luke, I sip my beer. For the first time in ten months I actually can stand on my own two legs; okay well the metal legs I've been given, but still. Since Mary-Beth is being a bitch about everything I decided I needed a night with my friends.

"She really brought Anna back today?" Mason asks as he rolls a straw paper between his fingers.

"Yea, I kind of freaked her out last night. I woke up around two screaming with phantom pain." I shake my head and Mason laughs softly.

"Dude, that's still messed up. You're walking! That's outstanding! That alone deserves some pussy!" Luke slaps my back and chugs his beer.

"Yeah, well it didn't happen now, did it?" I drink a swig of my own beer and then look down at the bar. When did my life get so turned around? Oh, that's right. It was seven months ago when that bomb took people that I cared about. It seems that life will continue to take people I care about from me. I see Mary-Beth slowly slipping through my fingers and there is not a damn thing I can do to stop it.

"Dude, you should have been there the first time I went to therapy." I laugh softly and Mason sits up.

"Oh man, I take it this has to do with Sam?"

"Oh yeah, she knew I would bust my ass, but she sure wasn't going to stop me." I start peeling the label off my beer, chuckling at the memory.

"You wouldn't have let her even if she tried." They both laugh and I nod my head in agreement.

"Man, I can't believe Sam did that," Luke says smirking knowing damn well his sister would. "She's come a long way since high school. I suppose being in her profession with a bunch of men who think they are too good for a woman to help them has hardened her," he says with a grimace. I snort a response and Mason laughs, shooting his beer all over himself.

I can't help but notice how much Luke and Sam look more alike as they get older. It's kind of scary in a roundabout way. "Man, you have your legs blown off and see what the hell goes through your brain. Until you do, don't talk shit," I growl out and stare in the distance as I see the one person we were discussing coming right toward us.

Sam's hair is down in curls and you can see the purple popping through. She's wearing a black tank top that shows off the curves of her breasts. I know I shouldn't be checking her out, but damn it I'm a man. It's how we're wired.

Sam walks to the table and smiles. "Hey guys. Luke, Mom said you had better get your ass home Sunday, or she's coming to find you," Sam says and I see Luke cringe. I don't blame him because, let's be honest, Mrs. Blalock was not the type of woman you wanted all up in your space. She was one of those momma's that calls you every five minutes, and never stops until she knows when the last time was that you took a shit. I felt bad for them. I listened on to the banter around the table and looked around the club. My phone buzzes and just like that, there goes my mood. I'd think after not being answered one hundred times, he'd eventually realize I didn't want to talk. However, Johnson never was the brightest bulb in the pack.

"Guys, I'm heading out. I've got an earlier start in the morning," I say, grabbing my jacket. I go to stand on my feet, stumbling a little as I try to get used to these new legs. Sam puts her hand on my arm. I growl and then look her in the eyes. "I'm fine Sam."

"God, Jameson!" She flinches as if I've physically struck her. "I was just going to ask you how the prosthetics were working for you. Thanks again for reminding me why I hated you growing up. You're not the only person who lost something you know. Ass." She turns and walks away from me. I look at Luke and he just shrugs his shoulders. I finish my beer and I make my way home to Mary-Beth.

I walk into the apartment, grimacing when I don't see her. I hope that maybe she's in a better mood. Tonight was the night it was supposed to happen. I have my legs back and I was going to show my woman how much I've missed her. "Mary-Beth?" I call out, looking for her. I find her in our bedroom, wearing only a black lace bra that accentuates her beautiful cleavage, and a sexy little thong.

"I was wondering when you were going to come home to me, Jameson." She smiles as I walk over to her, trying my best not to limp on my new legs. I grab her hair, pulling her to me, my mouth branding hers. Mary-Beth meets my mouth with as much passion as I have, but something feels off.

"I love you Mary-Beth." She moans a response into my mouth before her fingers work to slide my shirt over my head.

I lean over, licking her neck, pulling her tits out of her bra. Her rosy pink buds call out to me. Well, who am I to disappoint? I chuckle as she shoves them towards my mouth. "Jameson," she pants out and I revel in the sound of it. This is what sex is supposed to be. I moan into her nipple, swirling my tongue, as my hand runs down her smooth stomach and into her lace panties. I suck hard as she whimpers as I slide my hand between her slick opening. I moan at feeling how wet she is.

"So wet for me, huh baby?" I mumble around her nipple as my finger penetrates her.

"Jameson! Please!" She squeals in pleasure. I look up into her face, curving my lip as I watch the look of pleasure take over her features.

"Please what?" I ask as I drag my tongue down her body. Licking inside her navel as she arches her back into my face, pulling us closer toward each other. She grabs my head, pulling me back to her lips, causing my body to stumble a little as I get used to the prosthetic.

"Fuck me Jameson." I laugh as her breath hits my face and I kiss her lips. She flips me over and pulls her thong to the side. She unzips my pants, not even bothering to undress me.

I groan out as she slides down onto my shaft and screams out her pleasure. I reach out and grab those tits I love so much and pinch her nipples.

"That's it baby!" I growl out as she slides up slowly and slams down hard. I don't know what the hell has gotten into Mary-Beth, but I love it. Perhaps I should go out with the guys for a beer more often.

I lean forward, sucking her nipple into my mouth as she bounces up and down on my shaft. I know I'm getting close and I try to help her come as well. "Slow down, or I'm going to come deep inside you in two seconds," I growl, but she doesn't stop. Then the woman leans back and slides her fingers over her swollen clit and rubs herself. That's the hottest shit I've ever seen, and it sends me over the edge. I grab her hips and pull her down on my cock as I explode deep inside her, at the same time she comes around my dick screaming my name.

"Holy shit!" I mutter as she leans down, kisses me and rolls off me and into the bed, falling asleep in a matter of minutes. Something feels off more now than ever. Even with the amount of pleasure that just passed through my body, there is a feeling of dread I can't overcome. Almost as if it is the calm before the storm. I'll be damned if it isn't a feeling I have had before and one that I never wanted to have again. 

#

Jameson,

I don't really know how to say this to you so I am doing it the only way I know how. I have put this pen to this piece of paper so many times. I don't know where to start. I love you, I do. But with everything that has happened and is happening, you've changed. You've become this bitter man, and I cannot seem to get you to come back to me. We both know how I can't handle stress, but with everything that has happened, it's just too much for me to deal with now. I am only twenty-two years old, and I know I have made mistakes. Everyone has. Perhaps one day I will look back on this and think doing this was a mistake, but for now, this is what is best for me. A place in my heart will forever be yours, but this is not my burden to bear. I hope you can forgive me one day.

\- _Mary-Beth_

"A LETTER!!!" I roar into the phone, knowing this would be on her voicemail because she was too chicken shit to answer the phone. "A FUCKING LETTER Mary-Beth! After all the shit we have been through in the last six years! Burying your mother and sister, my tour in Afghanistan, and a pregnancy scare! You leave me in a LETTER?!" I grab the window seal and try to break it with what strength I have. How can she possibly do this to me? "You know what Mary-Beth? You're a coward! A FUCKING COWARD!"

Slamming my phone down, I take a shaky breath. I should have known this was how it would go. Mary-Beth never could handle stress and I mean, why should now be any different? I'm half the man I once was, literally. Looking down at my legs, or lack thereof, I finally break down for the first time. I finally grieve for the loss of my legs, for the loss of the man I once was and the man I fear I will never be again. Sam suggested I see someone about the emotional baggage I was carrying, so I'd done that. Maybe I needed to call Oscar and meet with him today. It takes me being broken up with to realize I have truly lost everything I have worked so hard for. My legs and fiancé both literally walked out of my life. But can I really blame Mary-Beth? I'm handicapped; I'm crippled; and I am half of what I once was, not just in my body but in my mind. I am damaged. The question that remains is, is the damage irreparable?

Sitting it my bedroom, I stare at the phone as it keeps buzzing. I know he is just checking on me and I'm sure he has the right to, especially with what I am contemplating doing. _Buzz, Buzz, Buzz. New call from Johnson_. I know he wants to talk about my saving him, and that's exactly why I'm not answering. It wasn't something heroic. If I'm being honest, I wish I had been the one that died that day.

Slamming another shot of whiskey down my throat, I look at the gun lying on the bed. How many people would really miss me when I am gone? Surely not Mary-Beth since she has left. How about Sam? Sam, with her beautiful blue-grey eyes and that long blonde hair. Sam, who has helped me learn to walk again every day for the past five months, trying to help me to become the man I once was.

Even if I am not that man, I will still only be half of him. I am irreparable, and I think maybe the only way to fix it, is to end it. _Buzz Buzz Buzz._ Ugh, he doesn't stop calling me! Putting the gun back in the night stand and leaving the phone sitting on the top of it, I walk out of the room and out the door. I climb into my Mustang, thinking at least there I can get some peace.

Walking around the city for the day is exactly what I needed. Seeing all these people holding hands and kissing and all the love is just freaking great. I walk into the bar I used to frequent. Who would have known losing your legs would change everything? I knew it would change my life the day I woke up in that room in Kuwait, but the only things I thought would change, would be the loss of my brothers, my comrades, my confidants. I did not expect the sheer terror from surviving the attack. Nor did I expect to wake up in the middle of the night with pains from body parts that no longer existed. And I sure as hell didn't expect the woman I thought would bear my children would choose to walk out my door.

How do you continue to live after that? Well, I suppose you put one metal foot in front of the other and smile so that people don't know that what happened to you really messed you up. I have so many people coming and thanking me, telling me that I'm a hero, but am I really? Four of my brothers died at my hands. Even if I didn't pull the detonator, I should have known that something was fishy. And fucking Johnson! He just doesn't get when to quit! He doesn't get that I can't talk to him. I know he feels like he owes me, but he doesn't owe me a damn thing. Hell, if anything I am thankful I saved him.  I at least saved one of my brothers. I know he is going through just as much as I am. I am trying to be there, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. I know he needs me. That we need each other. Only we know what each other has been through, but I can't. Maybe one day, well maybe one day I can be there for him. For now, I have to keep my distance because I am looney enough for the both of us.

"Jameson!" I turn to the right as I hear my name. I see someone coming from the side entrance of the bar so I motion for the bartender to bring me another beer. It's Samantha.

"Hey, Sam," I hold the bottle up, then take a swig of my beer. "Want a drink?" I ask turning to face her, my hand pulling on the label of my Bud Light.

"I just came to see how you were doing. I ran into Mary-Beth and she told me what she did." She looks away and asks the bartender for a water before turning back to me. "If it helps, I think she's a total bitch for that." She smirks and I swear with that one glance from Sam I know things are going to be okay. I have friends and Samantha has been one of them for years. Even when I was an ass to her, she was still there.

"Sam, what's wrong with you?" I ask and she gasps. I grab her arm. "Wait! I didn't mean it like that," I groan and run my hand over my face.

"Well Jameson, I don't know how you expect me to take a statement like that. I come in here trying to check on you. I guess I should have just sent Luke to see your sorry ass," she huffs as I look at her. Sam has always been cute when she's angry, but there is something different about her. She has definitely changed. If the sleeve of tattoos down her arm isn't proof of that, then her attitude sure is. I wonder what happened to Samantha to change everything for her? I wonder if she will ever tell me the whole story. At one point during our lives, we confided in each other for everything. Not so much anymore.

"Sam, I meant why are you always trying to fix everyone else? You've always been that way, always running to help others. Why aren't you with someone? Why don't you let yourself be happy? Fix yourself?" I ask, but she just stands and leaves. Well hell. There I go pissing Sam off again. What else is new?

"You really are an idiot, you know that Carter?" I hear come from the door and I groan. The one person I was trying to avoid today of all days, is standing right here in my peripheral.

"I thought I was doing a pretty damn good job of hiding from you Johnson," I mutter before downing my beer.

"Well, your mom gave you up. I overheard everything with you and that girl." He sits down and asks Bart for a beer, then looks at me. "Dude, quit feeling so sorry for yourself. The guys wouldn't want that for either of us. You need to let it go." Johnson looks at me with haunted eyes and it scares me. I see those eyes every day when I look in the mirror.

"Let it go? Really, Johnson? I had my legs blown off. You could have easily been gone with the rest of them and I cannot stand to think of it," I say as I stand. I turn to walk out of the bar, stopping long enough to throw a twenty down for my beers before storming out.

"You know, you can barely tell you're not walking on your own two feet Carter. You barely have a limp. Sam was her name? She must be some trainer, your mom has been pretty informative." He calls from behind me, causing me to growl as I turn to face him.

"Why are you here Blake?" I ask trying not to make a scene in front of the town. I just wanted an ice cold beer and some peace and quiet. I can't seem to get a damn thing I want anymore.

"Because, I needed to see my friend. If I can still call you that. You're all I have left Jameson. Don't you get that?" He runs his hand through his red hair and I just look at him. "Do you know how many times I wish I had blown up in that fucking blast? Why couldn't it have been Jackson that was saved? He was going somewhere in life and he had a kid at home. I don't have anything for me here, not a damn thing. I lived and not Jackson." He breaks down and this is the exact reason why I have been avoiding him, because I cannot deal with the pain myself.

"Come on Blake. Don't think like that man.  Jackson wouldn't want that for you. I don't want that for you. You're here because you still have things to do, and it's going to happen for you. I mean for crying out loud, Mary-Beth just left me in one hell of a letter. She couldn't even tell me to my face that she was leaving me dude." I walk to my car and I know it's happening. For the second time in seven months the tears are coming again, and I am helpless to stop them. They are coming and everyone is going to see just how much of a pussy I am.

The one thing I didn't want to happen is happening, and who's there with me? My brother, my comrade. For the first time I actually feel a peaceful calm come over me as we both cry it out in the front seats of my Mustang. Today is about healing and I am going to heal, even if it takes time. Whether he knows it or not, Johnson has paid his debt. He has just saved my life.

#

Two months have gone by since the day Mary-Beth walked out my life. Two months since I stared down the barrel of my .45. Damn, I need to stop listening to Shinedown. I have continued to meet with Oscar, my counselor, to help me with the depression, but I hadn't told anyone I was seeking help other than Mason, since he brought me the first few months. I stopped going to therapy because it seemed like Sam never forgave me for being an ass at the bar that day. Luke says she's going through her own things right now. Funny thing is, I really miss Sam lately. She was the sunshine of my days and she helped me heal some. I never realized it was Sam and not Mary-Beth that did that for me, but being alone, my mind didn't wander to Mary-Beth like I expected it to. It was all Sam. She came in, invaded my thoughts, stole them from me, and turned them into thoughts of her.

I often find myself thinking of how her breasts would feel in my hands, and her tongue on my mouth or my cock, and then I have to take matters into my own hand. I'm still trying to get used to not being able to stand in the shower anymore. Man, that shit really sucks. I see Blake every other week. He takes a trip to see me and we are even talking about going to the graveyard to see the boys. I rub the pennies in my pocket, smiling. My gramps told me that story when I was younger when we went to visit his fallen comrades. He placed coins on their graves, and they mesmerized me. So when I go to see my brothers' final resting places, I am going to leave my coins for them.

Oscar, my therapist, thinks I should go see Jackson's parents. They live about four hours from here and I have been thinking about it, but I can't even go to my own parents' house. The woman that birthed me can be quite a handful. I love her, but God she's smothering me. _Knock Knock_. Speak of the devil. I get off the couch, limping to the door and stand aside as my mother waltzes in. Her brown hair is fixed perfectly and her clothing is impeccable. You never expect to see Jennifer Carter without her face on and clothes ironed. My mother irons her freaking underwear for crying out loud.

"Hey, momma." I smile and kiss her on the cheek.

"Jameson, son really you need to get up and get a job. This sitting around on this couch all day moping isn't getting you anywhere." Oh Lord! Here we go. I wonder how long it will be before she realizes I am not even listening to a word she says. "JAMESON!" Made it two minutes.

"Ma'am?" I say as I plop down on the couch again. She looks at the messy room, the clothes all over the place and moves a shirt to sit in the chair.

"You didn't listen to a thing I said," she huffs and rolls her eyes.

"Momma, I heard you. You said Uncle Scott wants me to come work for him, and I keep telling you I don't want to work for Uncle Scott." I roll my eyes and she looks sad.

"Jameson..." I stop her holding my hand up, knowing where this is going.

"Not now. I am not trying to disappoint you or dishonor dad, but momma you have got to back off. You haven't seen the things I have.  If you had, you would understand why I am so fucked up," I say and then hear her gasp.

"JAMESON NATHAN! Do you pray with that mouth?" I bust out laughing and then I look at mom crazily as she walks into my kitchen.

"What are you doing Momma?" I laugh when she huffs.

"What do you clean your dishes with Jameson?" She puts her hands on her hips.

"Nothing, I don't cook." I shrug my shoulders as she walks into the bathroom and comes back with my soap.

"You need to wash that filthy mouth out with soap and repent for that, son." I can't help but laugh. Is this woman serious? I'm twenty-three years old for crying out loud.

"Come on now Mom. I'm a grown man and this is my house. I've been put through enough in my life. I don't need you judging me," I say and with that she's got her feathers ruffled.

"I'll tell you about judging boy. Your butt better be in church on Sunday. God saved you for a reason. Figure out what it is. You lost your legs, but you can walk now. Thank God for something and get your act together," she huffs, grabbing her purse and slamming my door as she walks out. Well I'd say that went well.

"Dude, let's go get a beer or something." Luke hits my arm and I groan.

"If you punch me one more time in my arm, I will kill you," I growl out and he laughs. God he looks like Sam when he does that. Sam. I wonder if I should bring it up. Ah hell, here goes nothing.

"Luke, how's Sam?" I say and then look down.

"She's fine." He pauses and looks at me. "Dude, you have the hots for my sister, don't cha?" He smiles and starts to laugh.

"No, I just... fuck it, yeah I do," I smirk.

"Look man, it's not my story to tell, but Sam isn't ready for a relationship. We all have our own demons, and just like you, Sam's dealing with some." He stands up and I can tell he's done with Sam. I stand up and walk to the door.

"Beers?" I ask and he nods.

Walking into the bar wearing a pair of jeans and a red button up shirt, I slide into the seat closest to the door. "Dude, you just made it," Bart, the bartender, says as the rain starts pouring from the sky.

"Yeah man, it looks like it's raining cats and dogs out there. I wonder who pissed God off today," Luke says and sits beside me, and that's when we hear it.

There's a girl singing in the bar and it's a very popular song, but she's turned it into her own acoustic version. 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons is coming from the girl on the stage and Luke stands up. "No way," he says and stalks toward the stage, and that makes me get up and go after him. What I see shocks me. There's Sam, the woman that's been invading my dreams and thoughts for months now. Damn, she looks good in that purple top and black skinny jeans.  I wonder if she has on a black thong. Shaking my head, I listen to the words. Funny thing, those words describe me a whole hell of a lot. It makes me think that Luke is right and we all have our own demons. Once again, Sam helps me remember that.

"Dude, she hasn't sung in two years, not since those..." he cuts himself off. It's obvious this is what he's been talking about and I am not allowed to know.

"What are you talking about Luke?" I grab him and make him look at me but I know it's not going to come from him. It pisses me off. The song ends and Sam's eyes meet mine. I can see the tears she's trying to hold back and she gives me a sad smile before walking off the stage.

"Sam, wait!" I grab her hand but she jerks it away, walking out the door and going to stand in the middle of the sidewalk.  The rain is covering her as she looks up at the sky and just lets the rain hit her. I walk out and grab her hand, smiling when I hear the opening chords of I Love the Way You Love Me by John Michael Montgomery come over the speakers.

"Dance with me, Sam?" I look into her beautiful blue eyes, knowing she's probably going to stomp on my shoe and storm off just like she did when we were kids. But she shocks me as her eyes meet mine, and nods once. I mouth the words 'People are watching like we are insane' and she laughs softly. Leaning in and whispering, "Sam, trust me and tell me what's going on, please?" I sigh when she shakes her head no.  I just hold her closer, letting her know she has someone to count on. That's when it hits me, Sam tries to fix everyone else, because she's as irreparable as I am.

But are we really that broken? Can we fix each other? I gasp when I realize I actually want to fix Sam.  I want to right whatever wrong has caused her to be the way she is. I want to be the person to help Sam fix herself, just like she's helped us all fix ourselves; she has been the person to help make each of her patients whole. It's time someone else helps make her whole. Now to figure out what has changed sweet Samantha into irreparable Sam.

I walk into Sam's office at work, placing the roses down on the desk. "Sam, wanna grab lunch with me?" I smile and she looks up.

"No thanks. I just told Stacey to pick me up a salad on her way back." She smiles and looks away. It has been like this for a few weeks, ever since we danced in the rain. I don't know what to make of it.  I don't understand what Sam is trying to hide, but I have a feeling it isn't good.

"Sam, come on I just want to be friends, you know like we used to be?" I wince when I see her scowl.

"Yeah, like we used to be before Mary-Beth? Is that what you want Jameson? Well I can't be that girl, because that girl is NOT me anymore. She was stolen from me. Your sweet Samantha died the day you left for Afghanistan." Her chest is rising and her breathing is ragged, so I say the only thing I can think of.

"What do you mean, my sweet Samantha died?" She remains silent, then she looks at me and then at the door. "Fine I can take a hint, but I really do want to be your friend again, Sam. Even if you're not my Samantha anymore," I sigh and turn to leave but not before I hear her mutter, "I was never your anything."

Walking into the coffee shop down the street, I think back to what Sam said to me. She died the day after I left? Does that mean I have something to do with what changed Sam? Have I always looked at things the wrong way? Have I become the person she hates? I am so confused. I grab my phone and send a text to Luke asking him to meet me. I order a coffee and go sit in the corner waiting for Luke to get here from his lunch break. Maybe I can finally get some answers about what's going on.

Luke walks in about ten minutes later and sits down. "I'm not telling you. It isn't my place man." He sighs and looks at me. "But, if you like her, hell if you love her, you'll let her come to you." He rubs his hands over his face and then takes my coffee and drinks a huge gulp. "Damn, that's hot as hell!" he groans and I laugh.

"Shouldn't be stealing someone's drink. Didn't I tell you Mary-Beth gave me herpes?" I say and burst out laughing at the sheer look of terror on his face.

"Gross! Carter, that's sick dude! Don't joke like that." He cringes and I laugh harder.

"Well J. I sure am glad to hear that sound. It sure has been a long time and dude, I gotta say it's been missed," Luke says and I scowl a bit.

"Come on now Luke, don't turn into a pussy on me man," I say and take my coffee back. "But for real, Mary-Beth did give me herpes," I smirk and stand up to walk away. That's when I see Anna standing there shocked. Well hell, I guess I'll be hearing from Mary-Beth today.

"You are such an asshole, Jameson! I did not ever give you that! How dare you? Now I don't feel so bad about breaking up with you! You are such an asshole!" I laugh as I hear Mary Beth's screeching over my voicemail. I knew that shit was coming eventually. It only took her thirty minutes to call and bitch me out.

I know what you're thinking. Mary-Beth is a bitch, but she didn't used to be that way. She was a sweet girl with beautiful emerald eyes that drew you in the second she looked at you. She took my breath away and I just knew I was going to marry her. I had those feelings for one other girl and I was five and she was my best friend.

Mary-Beth and I met when I was sixteen and she was fifteen. She had just transferred to our school after being moved to live with her grandparents. She'd lost her mother and sister in that plane crash in the field in Pennsylvania during 9/11 and her father beat her because he numbed his pain with alcohol. She'd hidden it for years until someone found out the truth and her grandparents stepped in. She looked so scared that first day and Anna had instantly become her friend.

We sat across from each other in science and I remember for weeks I tried to get her to date me, but she always blushed and looked away. It took me seven weeks to get Mary-Beth out of her shell but once I did, she and I were inseparable. Come to think of it, that was about the time Samantha and my friendship started to deteriorate.

I still have no clue what Sam meant by my Samantha died that day. I pray to god it has nothing to do with me, but I guess I will never really know.

#

Two weeks have gone by since I last saw Sam, but I keep trying to get her attention. I won't give up on something I want, and by God I want Samantha Lynn Blalock.  I walk into the shop where Uncle Scott works and smile. At least if I start working here I'll get mom off my back.

"Well, I'll be! He actually shows up." Uncle Scott looks at me and comes around his desk to shake my hand. I can't help but laugh, looking at Uncle Scott with his bright orange polo shirt and khaki and orange plaid pants. He looks like a clown wanting to be a golfer. You know the type? His pants are hideous and his hair is starting to thin on the top. He is nothing like my mother and I find it funny she tries to get me to work with him.

"Sorry Uncle Scott. I just don't know how well I will fit in around here. I am not really a mechanic you know." I look at him and he laughs.

"No offense kid, but I am not letting you anywhere near a vehicle. Remember that time you tried to change the oil in Granny's car?" he chuckles.

Oh hell, I do remember that. I burnt the engine up because I didn't put any more oil in. I spent three months cutting grass and pulling weeds and anything else Granddad and Granny wanted me to do.

"So what am I doing here then?" I say and he shrugs.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about opening your own store. I know you're into music, and we need a new guitar place in town. I told your momma I'd back you financially if you wanted to do it." He shrugs and I look at him.

"Wait what?" I ask, looking at him weirdly. I hadn't picked up my guitar in three years, not since I got the call about granddad.

"You heard me. After everything that happened, I don't think money is everything and I think you deserve a little happiness." He shrugs and walks back to his desk. "Think about it and let me know, but I need an answer by the end of the week." He smiles and looks at me and I know it's a done deal.

"Thanks Uncle Scott," I say, then turn to walk out the door and low and behold who do I see? I smirk and walk towards Sam.

"Wait up Sam!" I yell and she turns and rolls her eyes.

"Hey Carter," she smiles and I wink. Wow, did Sam Blalock actually just blush. Oh she's got it just as bad as I do.

"Sam, won't you let me take you to dinner, maybe a movie? I don't know why you won't come and hang out with me," I say, trying to stifle a laugh when I see Sam is actually checking me out. I'm glad I wore the tight black tee today.

"Fine Carter," she says. "Pick me up at six, and don't you dare be late," she says as she walks off. _Holy shit! Did that really just happen?_ Did Sam really agree to go on a date with me? Damn, today must be my lucky day!

I go home and spend the day washing the Mustang, cleaning the inside and waxing it. I look up when I hear tires on the driveway. I scowl when I see it's Mary-Beth. I thought today was my lucky day, obviously I was wrong.

"Hey, Jameson," she slides out of her Honda Accord. She's in a pair of cut off shorts and a tank top. At one point I thought her body was amazing, now it doesn't do anything for me.

"Hey, Mary-Beth," I say and keep waxing the car. Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away.

"Can we talk?" Nope, not going away. I sit the stuff down and look at her.

"What do you want to say Mary-Beth? I'm surprised you didn't write a letter," I say and she looks down at the ground.

"You're right. I deserve that," she says. "But, I miss you. I just, I just didn't know how to deal with the stress Jameson. It was hard watching you hurt like that." She finally meets my eyes and hers have tears threatening to fall.

"Hard to watch? Are you serious right now? Try going through it Mary-Beth and then having the one person that saved you, the one person that made you want to fight to stay alive, leave you. In a fucking letter!" I say, bending to pick my stuff up and walk into the house. I stop when I feel her hand on me. For once in my life her touch does nothing, absolutely nothing for me.

"I'm done talking Mary-Beth. I don't want you anymore." I shrug my arm out of her grasp and walk into the house, slamming the door in her face. I hear her slide down the door and then after about five minutes, she gets up and leaves. She gave up on us months ago. There is no us anymore. I don't want someone who runs when the going gets tough. I want the person who stays and fights with me. Now I just have to sweep her off of her feet tonight, because Samantha is that person. I can feel it in my bones.

I pull up at Sam's apartment at exactly 5:59. I am not going to screw this date up. I get out of my Mustang, walking to her door wearing a black button down shirt and a pair of jeans. These may be a pair that Mary-Beth had bought because she said it made my ass look good, but I want Sam staring at my ass all night. I know I'm a guy but damn, I want her eyes on me and on me only. I knock on her door and when she opens the door I think my heart stops beating. Holy shit! Am I having a heart attack?

"You look beautiful Sam," I say as she smiles nervously. Her hair is in curls and you can see the purple peeking through. Don't girls call those peek-a-boos or some shit like that? Her shirt is black but loose fitting on the top and hangs off her shoulder so that you can see the sleeve of tattoos she has on her right arm. Damn it, those red skinny jeans are going to make my balls blue before the night is over. I will never understand how girls get into those things, but man, am I glad she did. That ass looks amazing.

"Thanks Jameson, you ready?" she asks as she turns to lock the door. I laugh when she says "Take a picture. It will last longer. I promise."

"Shit, sorry Sam. I just can't help it. You look amazing." She turns, giving me one of the biggest smiles I've seen in a long time. Well hell, my Sam seems to be back tonight.

We go to dinner, then to the movies and then we head back to Sam's house. I have had such a great time with Sam tonight. It's like we're back to being twelve year old Jameson and eleven year old Samantha, like we never missed all these years. There is something that has changed between us though. The chemistry flying between us is unbelievable. You could probably zap a fly with the electricity flying around the two of us right now.

It's been three months since Mary-Beth and I broke things off. It's been three months since I've been with a woman, and even though I want Sam, I don't want to push her. I know she has her own things to work through, but damn if I don't want her.

We pull up into her driveway and she smiles at me. "Thanks for tonight Carter. It was fun." She bites her lip and I'm done. I reach over, pulling her lip out of the cage she made with her teeth.

"Don't do that Sam. I can't control myself if you do that." She blushes and I'll be damned if she doesn't do it again.

"Sam," I growl and her skin turns more red. Damn it! Why does she have to be so cute when she blushes?

"Sorry, habit," she looks over at me. "I um, I had a good time tonight Jameson. Thank you for tonight." She smiles grabbing her purse, but I stop her by grabbing her arm. She goes rigid, and jerks her arm away.

"Please don't," she whispers scrambling to get out of the car. She runs into the house and slams the door behind her.

What in God's name just happened? She was fine all night, and now she's running from me? I swear, I have no clue what's going on, but I will find out.

Putting the car in reverse, I back up and leave her house. I pull my phone out and text her. _Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you._ Fifteen minutes later, I pull into my driveway and still nothing from Sam. Well hell. So much for today being my lucky day. 

#

Two weeks have gone by since I last saw Sam. I text and get nothing. The only thing that even remotely calms me down is running. Luckily for me, Sam gave me the means to do just that. So here I am, in the park at eight o'clock on a Friday night, running. I feel like Forrest Gump, running just to run, running from nothing, running to nothing, just running to feel the burn of sucking oxygen into your lungs. Running, so you feel something other than regret.

It seems like I have a lot to be regretful for. I regret ever leaving that day, leaving to go fight a war that I don't even understand what we are really fighting for anymore. We got the bastard that planned 9/11. We aren't there to protect their people, even though they need protecting, that's for damn sure. I have seen things no one should ever have to see.

I witnessed a child beaten and a mother raped, all because the guy could do it. Well trust me, that guy can't do it again. I've witnessed children walking into a room with a bomb strapped to them and I've had to take them out to save the other people there. It's not an easy job but when you're given a choice of life or death. You tell me what you'd do. You'd pull that trigger too, even if the person getting the bullet is a nine-year old boy.

So, I run, I run from my past. I wish I was running towards a future I knew, a future with a beautiful spunky blonde, with boobs to die for and lips that look amazing when she bites them. I run until I can't pull air into my lungs, until the white t-shirt I am wearing is soaked and see-through with sweat, and then I run a few more minutes, just because I can.

I stop under a light, gasping for breath, my hands on my knees, panting. I'm trying to slow down my breathing when I see a pair of heels under me. What the hell is a chick doing out here at night by herself?

"Here, idiot." I groan when I hear Sam's voice and smile at the water bottle that is thrown into my view.

"Thanks Sam," I gasp and gulp the lukewarm water down. Damn, she even remembers I hate freezing cold water. Can this girl get any more perfect?

"What in the hell are you thinking Jameson? Your legs are going to be killing you in the morning, your ass better take some Tylenol when you get home. Actually take it now," she yells and starts digging through her big ass purse. What is it with women and these purses they pack around? Do they really have that much shit that they need to put in there? She shoves two pills in my hand and puts her hand on her hip waiting for me to take them.

"Sam, I am not a kid, and your name sure as hell isn't Jennifer Carter." I sigh and she glares so I take the pills then look at her. "Happy?"

"Very, and your ass better be glad it was me and not your momma who found you. She'd have ripped you a new one and sent you right back where you came from. I can just hear her saying, 'I put you on this earth and I can take you from it,'" Sam says, huffing. I bust out laughing at the tone she uses because I'll be damned if that didn't sound just like my mother.

"I just had a lot on my mind Sam. I'll be fine, I happen to be a big boy," I give her a coy smile and she rolls her eyes.

"Jameson, I am just worried about you, okay? You're not Superman and your legs will be sore come tomorrow. You're okay to run on those but not the running you just did. You need to remember that you're not invincible." She sighs and then I catch her staring at my chest through my shirt.

"Like what you see Sam?" I smirk and she pushes me with her hand and that's when I notice what she's wearing. Holy shit do I like what I see! I have got to get out of here before she notices just how much.

"When did you get that?" she asks, noticing my tattoo that runs from my shoulder down to right above where my t-shirt ends. I did it that way so my mother wouldn't see it, the whole 'your body is a temple' thing. I wonder what she thinks of Sam abusing her temple.

"Um, I got it a few years back, thinking of adding onto it. Maybe even getting the guys' names tattooed on me." I shrug and she smiles.

"I bet they would like that Jameson. Come on.  I'll walk you home." She kicks off her heels, and that's when I realize I am in love. Holy hell. I love Samantha Blalock.

We walk in silence for about ten minutes before Sam speaks up. "Sorry about that night. It's just, I've been through hell Jameson and I know you have, too. But I have been through something you could never imagine, and I don't know how to tell you." She looks down at the ground. What could be so bad that she thinks she can't tell me?

"Sam, nothing would ever make me think any less of you," I say as I grab her pinky in mine, just like we used to do when we were kids.

"This might." She sighs and looks at me tears in her eyes.

"How am I supposed to understand if you won't tell me Sam?" I beg her to open up to me. "Can you just trust me to know that I am not going to run when you tell me something?" I ask quietly.

"I don't know. You were always good at the whole running away thing," she whispers as she walks.

Damn that hurt. That really fucking stings. I feel like I just got shot in the heart; the devastation in her voice as she says that, kills me. I'm done fighting it, and looks like it's my lucky day because here she is biting that damn lip of hers again.

"Sam!!!" I growl out and she gasps, startled by my harsh tone.

"Wha..." She doesn't even get to finish because I have her pushed up against the door and my lips are crashing down on those plump lips of hers. Blue raspberry ChapStick never tasted so damn good.

Sam hesitates for just a second, but then she responds to me, her hands going up into my hair, pulling us closer together.  Damn, this girl is going to be the death of me. She lets out a moan and I take that as an invitation, so I slide my tongue into her mouth as I put my key into the lock. I push the door open before picking Sam up. I grab her ass, using it as a handle to get her where I want her. I push her back up against the closed door inside my apartment, groaning as she grinds against my cock. The only thing separating us is her pants and these damn running shorts, and God does she feel amazing.

I pull away from her, kissing her swollen lips softly. "Sam, you're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and I want you to be mine," I say and she moans softly.  I push my erection against her and she screams out. Not the kind of scream I want to hear from a girl who was moaning in pleasure mere seconds ago. She has gone rigid and a sheer look of panic has overcome her face.  I don't even think she sees me anymore. Her eyes are lost, haunted.

"Please don't, just let me go," she cries out and I move away but I keep my hands on her arms, and that's when I know. I've figured out Sam's secret. Now I understand why my sweet innocent Sam died.

"Sam, I'm not going to hurt you baby, I'm sorry. Come back to me," I say and look her in the eyes. Finally she sees me, not the images in her head and she breaks down crying. She falls on the floor in a heap and I know my worst fear is confirmed. She looks just like the woman I saved in Kuwait. My beautiful sweet Samantha was raped.  I swear Luke and Mase better have gotten the bastard that did this, because if they didn't, I will.

#

Sam's POV

How do you begin to tell someone why the light in your eyes is gone? How do you tell someone that you have loved your whole life that your trust in people has become non-existent? If you're me, you don't. You let it fester inside you. You ask God why it happened to you. You wonder if there is even a God. If there is, why does he let things like this happen to people? Innocent people, people who trust with all their hearts.

That was me at age twenty - sweet, innocent Samantha Blalock. I had just finished singing at Lou's bar across town; a place I had sang at plenty of times and I frequented with my older brother Luke. It was the night after I watched my best friend of fourteen years get in the car to go fight a war, one that in my mind I didn't understand the point of. It's stupid and it needs to be over; that's my opinion. So when the three guys came up to me in the parking lot, I didn't think anything of it. I was wrong to not think anything of it. I had seen them before in the bar plenty of times before tonight, but I didn't know their names. I think one was Kyle.

"Hey Sam, that was some good singing you did, right guys?" the tall blonde guy said and I just smiled.

"Thanks fellas. It's getting late and my brother is waiting for me at the IHOP around the corner, so I'll see you later." I smile and start to get in the car when one of them grabs me and puts his hand over my mouth so I can't scream.

"Oh sugar, you're not going anywhere but with us," he growls in my ear. Then I feel it, the gun in my back and I think _oh God I'm going to die tonight_. It's all that I can think about and I know for a fact I won't live. The guy throws me in the back seat of my car and the other two get in the front and drive away.

"Please let me go, don't do this I'm begging you," I cry out, but he just laughs. I get a good look at all three of them. If by some miracle I make it out of this, I will make sure they pay for this.

I can smell the beer on their breath and I pray that maybe they will crash the car before they can do what they are planning on doing to me. But again, that doesn't work and I see us approaching the ridge above town. Once they've found a secluded place to stop, they drag me out of the car. One is holding me by my hair as I hear and feel my leggings being ripped down the middle. Then, I'm dragged to the hood of the car.

For two hours they each take turns raping me. For two hours I pray for death to come; it has to be better than what I'm experiencing. For two long hours I pray.  I pray to a God I don't even know exists anymore. If he did, then why would he let this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Was I too trusting? Was I too nice? I pray for help to come. I blink tears out of my eyes when I see it, because it's too good to be true. I see the headlights of a car coming around the curve. The guys yell and start scattering, pulling their pants up and running down the ravine. But I have seen them and I will condemn them. I will not let them get away with what happened here. My innocence was stolen, and the light in my eyes may be gone; but there is a blaze burning in them now.

I grab for my shirt, trying to cover my body when I see Mason coming up to the car. "Shit Sam! What the hell happened?" He takes off his shirt, covering my body with it.

"Don't... Don't... call.... Luke," I sob hysterically.

"Sam, baby, I have to. He's been worried sick," he says. "But first, I'm taking you to the hospital. I'll have the cops meet us there."

Mason picks me up and cusses loudly a long stream of words I have never heard him use and then he's calling the cops to meet us at the hospital. He starts to sit me down in his truck but I scream out.

"Mase don't!" I yell out and he looks at me like I've lost my mind.

"What? Sam why not?" He eyes me, "Are you too hurt to sit? Who did this shit? I'll kill them, I swear I'll fucking kill them," he growls out and I wish I could smile. Mason, Luke, and Jameson were always so protective of me.

"I'm bleeding. I'll... I'll get blood on the seat," I whisper, wincing as I say it. His shoulders sag a little but he looks me in the eye.

"Sam, a little blood isn't going to hurt my truck. Now stop acting like that. I'm taking you to the hospital." He puts me down, runs to the driver side, hops in and speeds off to town. After three long hours in the hospital and a long police report, I am finally able to go home. I thought the nightmare was over but it was only just beginning. Two months later, I found out I was pregnant.

Again, how do you tell the one person you've loved all your life about this? I don't know how I am going to, but he's staring at me and I see in his eyes he knows, or at least he thinks he knows. He thinks he wants to go into the hell I call reality. Well he had better hold on because it's going to be one hell of a ride.

Jameson's Reaction

I don't press Sam. I gather her in my arms and carry her to the couch. I know what she's going through, not the details but I know it's not easy. I can imagine that as a woman, that is the worst thing you could go through, next to losing a child.

Finally, she turns to me and with sad eyes she says "Jameson, my story isn't pretty. It's not something you're going to want to hear, but I need to get it out. I've loved you since we were twelve. I wanted to tell you when I was sixteen, but Mary-Beth came into the picture, and you were happy so I backed away. I wanted you to be happy. You deserved that happiness." She pulls on the skin on her thumb and I smile. I remember her doing that when we were younger. Another nervous habit, like when she twirls a strand of hair around her finger.

"Sam, nothing you can say is going to make me love you any less than I already do. You know that night we danced in the rain? I fell for you and I didn't realize it until tonight. I love you Samantha Lynn. I do and I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving it to you." I grab her hand and kiss it and then sit back and wait for her to continue on with her story.

"The night after you left for your second tour to Afghanistan, my life changed forever, I will spare you the details but I was singing at Lou's and Luke left a bit earlier to go drop something off to Kara. He was going to meet me at the IHOP a few blocks over." She shuffles and I can tell she's reliving the night. "I never made it there. Three guys came up to my car. I had seen them in the bar several times before that, but that night they weren't there to be friendly. They were drunk and they wanted to hurt someone." My blood is boiling. I thought Sam was raped by one person and it turns out it was three bastards. I swear I'll kill them.

"I know what you're thinking Jameson. They got jail time. I made sure of it. I would have killed them for what they did to me, but would I be any better than them?" She smiles before going back to telling me her story.

"They drove up the ridge. They ripped my clothes off and held me at gunpoint. I was a ragdoll to them, something they could just throw around. They took what they wanted and for two hours, they took turns doing things to me that they shouldn't have. Mase came looking for me that night when I didn't show up at IHOP. Somehow he managed to find me and they took off when they saw his headlights." Mason, he saved her. They left because of Mason.

"The cops found them as I arrived at the hospital. They were walking and were just getting to the edge of the ravine when the cops spotted them. One of them threw the gun they had used and the cop saw him do it. They were caught and each one got 5 years in jail without parole. Had Mason not shown up, I think they would have shot me in the head." I growl at this. A world without Sam in it isn't a world at all. Funny how I used to think that about Mary-Beth.

"A couple of months later, my worst fear was confirmed as none of them had used protection on me. At least they were all clean, but I was pregnant. I considered abortion, but I couldn't do it. No matter how that baby came into the world, it was a baby, another human being and I couldn't end its life. Even if it was conceived in hate, I couldn't not let it live. So I talked to mom. No one but Mase and the family knows about what happened. We found a school a few states away and I moved there on a full scholarship to continue my schooling. I quit playing the guitar, I quit singing... hell I quit living." She won't look at me. My Sam had to go through this and while she was right that I may have had a lot of trials in my life, I didn't go through the stuff she'd been through. She could have taken the easy way out, hated everyone that came around, but what did she decide to do? She decided to help others. For that, she has become my hero.

"That's why you became a physical therapist to wounded people," I say and she looks at me and smiles, but it still doesn't reach her eyes.

"Yes, it is. I want to help fix people, make them whole again, because for me, that's not possible." She smiles and looks at me. "I'm not done with my story." She bites her lip and I try my best to ignore it. "Oops. Sorry, habit." She looks down and I laugh softly.

"Keep going Samantha."

She takes a shaky breath and taps her foot on the floor. "I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on January 5, 2012. I couldn't keep her though because she represented everything I had lost, everything I had given up. A family that I had been staying with while I was in college adopted her. They had been trying to have a baby for years and they couldn't. Heather was a wonderful mother and Declan was a great man, the type you'd want to have for a father. So I had the baby and gave her to them. Isabella is her name. Heather named her. She's almost two now." The tears are streaming down her face and I know she's reliving everything. I could kill the bastards that did this to her.

"Now you know everything. I know you've been through your own inferno and so have I. I don't know what you want from me Jameson, but I have lost my faith. I have nothing to offer you. I can't be who you want me to be; that girl you knew, she no longer exists." Finally her blue eyes look into mine and I see it. There is light, it just needs the right spark to set it aflame. I'll be that spark or I will die trying. I will see the light in those beautiful blue eyes again.

#

It's been two weeks since Sam told me about her past, her secret. In those two weeks, we have gotten closer than I could imagine. She isn't ready for a relationship just yet, but we hang out all the time. I also opened up the store Uncle Scott talked to me about. It's going to do pretty damn well, I think. Who knew so many people in small town Hickory liked music?

I'm strumming on a guitar along with a kid who hangs out sometimes, just playing a few chords. The kid can't be more than thirteen years old and when Sam walks in wearing short cut-off jeans with a purple tank top and cowboy boots, he can't help but stare. Anybody that looks at her would think that her outfit doesn't fit the tattoo and the hair, but that is the Sam I remember.

"Eyes off kid," I mumble and he laughs.

"Dude, I don't think so. She's smokin'." This kid is looking for a bruising.

"Hey babe," I smile and kiss her on the cheek and she blushes when the kid whistles. I don't think she's used to the attention, but damn if you're going to wear an outfit like that people are going to stare. They can't help it; it's like a mosquito attracted to the blue lights in a bug zapper.

"Hey, I was looking for a new guitar and someone told me you were the place to come." She smiles and bites her lip and I groan. Is she really trying to make me hard in my store? This shit can't be happening.

"Well ma'am, today is your lucky day. I happen to have one just for you." I smirk, and lean in and whisper in her ear, "And if you bite your lip again, I'm going to have something else for you too." I laugh when I see the color come back into her cheeks. That's a goal of mine these days is to make Sam blush.

"Well, Mr. Carter, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to see the new guitar I'm about to purchase." She smiles and heads to the back room with the acoustic guitars.

"Christopher! I will tell Lyla if you don't quit staring at my ass! Or better yet, I'll get your momma on the phone!" Sam says over her shoulder and I hear the kid laugh,

"Sorry Sam, you just look so good in them shorts!" he says as she turns and slaps him upside the head.

"Hey!" he yells and sets the guitar down. "Alright I'm leaving! Thanks for playing with me Jameson! I want that guitar. Can you save it for me?" he asks and I shake my head and keep walking to get Sam's guitar.

I pull out a case, hand it to her and watch as she sits down, opens the lid, and gasps. "Jameson, really?" She looks at me with tears glistening. Damn, why does everything I do make this chick cry?

"Happy late birthday! I've got about five years to make up for." I smile. She jumps up and hugs me, then sits down and pulls the guitar out of the case. It's a nice deep purple and has her name in silver across the bottom.

"Jameson! It's beautiful!" she squeals and plays a few chords, then tunes it and plays a few more. I smile and walk away as I hear a customer coming through the door.

"Hey man, where is she?" Luke asks me and listens, hearing someone strumming. "Gave it to her huh?" He laughs softly and shakes his head.

"I love her man. I am going to prove it." I shrug and sit down behind the counter while Luke sits down. "So, um she told you?" He looks at me and in that instant I realize he knows I know.

"Yeah man, and I want to kill those guys," I roar and he looks at me.

"Sam did a pretty good job getting them to jail, and I'm pretty sure they are getting a lot worse than Sam ever did. They were pretty boys." I can't help but laugh at him and he scowls because he was extremely serious.

"Sorry, sorry it was just funny. Pretty boys?" I laugh and he looks at me.

"Dude, they went to that prep school upstate. They would come to the bar and just hang out all the time. I never thought anything of them. Turns out one of them wanted Sam and she wouldn't give him the time of day, so he took her. His friends were drunk and decided they were going to help him." I can see his veins bulging on the sides of his neck as he speaks, and I know exactly how he feels.

"I would have killed them. I know this sounds shitty, but I'm glad I was gone. I'd be in jail instead of those pretty boys" I say with a smirk and he punches my arm.

"Dude, stop. For real. It was funny, I get it, but I hope some guy with a big schlong is using them all, taking turns on them. I hope they live in that hell every day for five years, just so they know what my sister lives with every day of her life." He stands up and blinks back the tear that threatens to fall. "Speaking of my sister, I'm going to check out this birthday present."

He bumps my fist with his and goes back to see what Sam's doing. Of course, because life always deals a shitty hand, in walks Mary-Beth.

"Your momma told me you opened a shop. I'm happy for you Jameson," she says and I scowl. Is she really going to come in here and act like we're okay? We are not and probably never will be okay ever again. That dress she has on isn't going to do the trick either. Why didn't I ever notice how she dressed before today? Oh, I liked it then. Those dresses that came down to her mid-thigh, the kind that barely covered her ass? Yeah, not my thing anymore. I prefer those cut-off jeans on the blonde in the back.

"Thanks Mary-Beth. I'm enjoying it. It's been years since I picked up my guitar and Uncle Scott reminded me that I love to play the guitar," I say and she grimaces. I quit playing the guitar about a year after we started dating.

"I just, I wanted to come and say I'm happy for you. I hear you're with umm, I hear you're with Samantha." She looks at the ground and then back up at me. Does she expect me to not move on? She's the one that left, not me.

"Yeah, I guess I am or at least I want to be, if she'll let me." I look up and she meets my gaze. "Why are you here, Mary-Beth? You're the one who wanted us to be over. You got that and I am leaving you to do what you wanted. You got your way out now let me have mine," I say and then wonder if I'm being an asshole. It's the truth though, and sometimes that shit hurts. I have put up with her crazy ass and I understand she had a lot put on her having to take care of a crippled man, but damn it, I went through it too. I was there for her when she needed me but when I needed her, she walked.

"You know, you're right Jameson. I, I'm sorry." She sighs, turns and walks out. I look up and watch her leave. I notice that Sam has stopped playing her guitar in the back. I turn around and she's standing at the door.

"You just picked me over her?" she asks softly and then looks me in the eyes. Had I done that before? Picked Mary-Beth over Sam? Well hell, I guess I did when we were sixteen, but today it's time to show Sam that she is everything I could ever want or need.

"Hell yes I did!  I shouldn't have ever put you next to anyone Sam," I say and she walks up to me with her lip between her teeth again.  I swear she's trying to kill me. Is it possible for a man to die from blue balls? Once in front of me she slides her hands around my neck. She pushes up onto her toes, her breasts pressing against the solid muscle of my chest and her lips touch mine gently.

That's all I need. I grab her head and pull her to me deeper, my tongue sliding out and licking her bottom lip, wanting entrance into that sweet mouth. She opens for me and finally I can taste her, and man is she sweet. Makes me want to taste other things and I wonder if they will be as sweet.

"REALLY!!! DUDE!!! I need to bleach my eyes! Can you two even breathe?" Luke yells out and we break apart, both of us bright red.

"Busted." Sam smirks, and I laugh softly.

Leaning in I whisper "At least I kept my hands off that sexy ass of yours." That makes her turn as red as a crawfish.

"That's just gross," Luke says and goes back to playing the guitar. Sam walks over and kisses her brother on the cheek and says "Now you know how I feel watching you sucking face with the girls in the bar." Luke rubs his cheek and gags.

"Ugh Samantha! I know Jameson's my best friend, and I am glad he survived that blast. But, I would prefer not to have his spit on my face," Luke says as he gets up. "I'm outta here. You two lovebirds be good." He stands up and salutes as he heads to the door. Well, at least he didn't try to kick my ass for kissing Sam.

"Wanna go grab dinner?" I ask Sam and she smiles.

"I thought you'd never ask." She takes my hand and pulls me out the door. "Hey Luke! Think fast!" I throw my keys to Luke and he just sighs.

"I am not your employee! As many times as I've locked this place for you I should be on the damn payroll!" He smirks and then starts to kick the two boys out of the shop to lock up for me. I really do owe his ass something nice.

#

We get back to my apartment after dinner and Sam looks at me biting her lip again. "Sam, please baby, don't do that," I say and adjust myself in my pants. I swear I am going to die if I don't release.

"But, I like what it does to you." She smiles and walks over to me and straddles me. "I want you to take the memories away. You're the only person who can." She looks me in the eyes and my mouth hangs open. Did she really just say she wanted to have sex with me?

"Sam, I... we... I don't want you to feel rushed into this," I say and she smiles.

"Jameson, shut up and kiss me." She leans down, kisses my lips and grinds against my hard cock. Oh my God! This girl is going to be the death of me.

I slide my tongue against her lips and she opens up to me. I lose control. Especially when I hear the moan coming from her mouth. Oh my God, can this girl get anymore sexy? I slide my hands up her thighs and grab her ass, picking her up and carrying her to my bed. Laying her down and watching her blonde hair splay out on the comforter. "You're beautiful Samantha." I kneel on my leg that still has some of my knee and use the weight of it to keep me up. These prosthetics really have helped in the sex department.

Sam blushes, but doesn't say a word as she leans up and kisses me. I lean in and kiss her back while my fingers make small circles on her stomach. Is it supposed to burn when you touch someone? Because I feel like I'm on fire in every place Sam is touching me; my thighs, my back, and my lips. I moan into her mouth as my dick presses against her heat, and I know I have to show her what sex is really like, that it's so much more than what those bastards did three years ago.

I look up at Sam, kissing her lips, then move to her chin, and down to her neck. I love the little whimpers coming from her mouth. How her chest is rising and falling like she's just run a marathon. And to think I haven't even begun yet. I kiss down her neck to her collar bone over her tank top then down her arm with the tattoos. I kiss the white and pink lily on her shoulder and then the orange one right below it. Then I kiss the weird ass dragon thing she has going down her arm. The tattoo is so intricate I have no clue what half the shit is, but it works and it's beautiful just like the person it's adorning.

I kiss down the front of her shirt, pulling it up and sliding it over her head slowly, savoring every inch of skin that comes into view. When I see that hot pink lace bra she has on covering her smooth silky skin and the curves of those gorgeous tits, I'm having a hard time keeping at my slow pace.

Her skin turns pink as she bites her lip. She inhales a deep breath and that makes me feel even more like I'm on top of the world; I affect her as much as she affects me. I kiss her stomach, leading up to her chest, pulling down the cup of her bra.  I suck her hardened nipple into my mouth, locking my eyes on her beautiful blue ones. A very satisfying moan comes from her lips and I smile before biting down softly. "JAMESON!" she cries out and I smirk even more. I wonder if I can make her come just from sucking these tits.

I grab the cup of her right breast, pulling it down and rolling her nipple between my fingers. She moans even more, her breathing picking up and she's squirming underneath my fingers. "That's it Sam, let go baby." I moan and flick my tongue over her erect nipple.

"Oh my God! Jameson!" she moans out, her chest rising and falling. She bucks beneath me, her orgasm ripping through her throat, and into my heart. I didn't think it was possible, but I just fell even more in love with Sam.

"I can't believe I just did that," she pants and turns red.

"What?" I say and smile and then sit up and pull my shirt over my head. I stifle a laugh as I see Sam rake her eyes down my body. "See something you like, Sexy?" I lean back down to kiss her on her lips. "And, don't be embarrassed of that. I love that I could make you come just from kissing and sucking those gorgeous things." She laughs softly and kisses me again, but I am so not through with my worshipping of her body.

"I am going to kiss every inch of you before the night is done Samantha Lynn. I can't wait to see if the rest of you tastes as sweet as those lips of yours do." I smile, kissing down her chest again, making my way down to her legs, pulling off her jeans and kissing down her right leg, to her foot. I moan softly when she groans as I kiss the arch of her foot, then I work my way back up to the top of her left leg. I look down as I pull her panties to the side, getting a glimpse of what will soon be mine.

"Sam, you are so beautiful baby." I lean in and that's when she realizes what I'm about to do, and her hands go to cover herself.

"Jameson, you don't have to do that," she whispers, causing me to look up and growl.

"Move your hands Sam." I look up into her eyes, and she lets out a shaky breath. Her hands tremble, but she finally removes them. "You're sure this is what you want?" I wait for her to look at me, because I need to make sure this is what she wants. I wouldn't want to push anything on her that she wasn't ready for. As much as I want to erase the memories of her past, I know that I can't do that. I can only try to make this experience the best I can so that it dulls in comparison to what she only knows.

"Yes, please." Her eyes are bright with need and want. I know she's telling me the truth.

I wink at her before sliding my tongue over her slick folds. I love how wet she is for me already, but I know I have to be gentle. This is the first sexual experience that she will have that means something, and damn it, it's going to mean everything by the time I'm done. I work on her, sliding my tongue into her sweet opening. I'll be damned, I was right. She's as sweet as honey. Sam writhes under me and I laugh softly.

"Jameson, holy shit that feels, umm wow." I look up, my eyes meeting hers and flick my tongue over her clit. Hmmm, I wonder how far I can get in the alphabet game. I've never done it before but there's a first time for everything, right?

I start circling her clit, making my tongue move to the letters of the alphabet, and by the time I reach J she's exploding around me. Sam's body is convulsing and she's making noises I have even never heard Mary-Beth make, which satisfies me even more.

I stand up from the ground, wobbling as I get my bearings with me new legs. I slowly unbutton my pants, pulling them slowly down my legs, knowing Sam won't be un-attracted to my metal. As I pull my boxers off she gasps. I know I'm not the biggest person in the world, but I sure as hell am not tiny either. It also helps to know how to work what you have.

"Are you sure, Sam?" She shakes her head yes, in an answer to my question and leans up to kiss me.

"Jameson, you know you're beautiful too." She blushes at what she said, but she has no clue what that statement just meant to me. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not damaged beyond repair.

I reach over to the night stand and pull out a wrapper, beginning to tear it with my teeth when Sam stops me by taking it and throwing it. "I'm on the pill, and I'm clean. I don't want barriers. I've lived with them for far too long Jameson. I need you to heal me."

I groan; she's trusting me more than anyone ever has, and I have to prove I am worth it. I lean over her and kiss her lips slowly, tenderly.

"Do you want to be on top, Sam? That way you can control every aspect?" I don't want to make her regress from my own needs either though.

"No, I trust you. I know this is you. I am here with you," she smiles as she lies back on the bed.

I put one leg on the bed, making sure that my knee is supporting it before I use the other to inch closer. I can feel my legs losing friction with the prosthetic and sliding against the barrier, but I try not to let it affect me. I line myself up to Sam, groaning out as the head of my cock presses against her hot entrance. I meet her eyes and she shakes her head up and down, giving me conformation to continue. I keep eye contact with her not wanting to lose her to the memories, as I slide inside her. She winces and I stop immediately. "Sam?" I groan trying to not let her see how stopping is affecting me. She's just so damn tight.

"Don't stop, I'm okay. I've just gotta get used to it," she lets out breathily and I sigh.  I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to stop either. I move my hips slowly in and out and she starts to moan a little. Holy shit, she feels so good.

"Sam, baby, I don't know if I can last long," I sigh as I put my head in the nook of her neck.

"I think I'd be insulted if it took you a long time our first time." She laughs softly as she grabs a handful of my ass and that's all it takes. I move inside her a couple times more and I know I'm on the verge of coming, but not without her. I lick two of my fingers before reaching down and rubbing her clit while I pump inside her at a steady pace. Her breathing is starting to match mine, and I know she's just as close as I am.

"Jameson! I'm going to come!" She lets out in a breathy moan and just like that, she's pulling me deeper into her body. As her muscles contract, I lose my control, shooting my load deep inside her. I lay my head in the crook between her neck again, shuddering before I kiss her neck. Using my arms to keep most of my weight off of her. "I love you Sam," I breathe out as she turns her head towards mine, and runs her fingers through my hair.

"I don't know if I am worthy of those emotions, but I love you too Jameson, " she sighs. And my heart has just double in size. She feels the same way. Maybe, just maybe I am capable of being whole again.

Waking up in the middle of the night with Sam was an amazing thing to experience. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but God, thank you. I lie in bed and watch her as she sleeps, her blonde hair splayed over my pillow, her chest rising and falling as she breathes peacefully. I look at her, thinking about the past few months and all that we have both overcome in the time that we have. She is one of the strongest people I know and I am damn proud to have her at my side. I want nothing more than to wake her up, slide into her and show her just how much I love and care for her, but I don't want to scare her.

She rolls over, making sure to cover herself with the sheet as she smiles sleepily at me. "I thought I felt someone watching me."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. You looked so beautiful and at peace that I just was enjoying the view." I shrug my shoulder in an attempt to make it less awkward.

"I want to try something Jameson." She sits up, the sheet dropping a little, showing me the curves of her beautiful breasts.

"And what would that be?" I raise an eyebrow as she sits up and looks at me. I hate when she sees me like this; I hate not having my legs. These bandages make it extremely hard for me to feel at all sexy, even if I do have other attractive features like a six pack and huge biceps. Most people can't even tell I don't have legs especially when I'm in my jeans, but damn being exposed like this, even in front of someone that loves you, is hard.

"Don't laugh at me." She bites her lip nervously and I wonder what she has going on in that pretty little head of hers. She leans down, kisses my neck and then kisses the tattoo on my shoulder. She starts making her way down my stomach, to my already hard cock.

"Sam... you don't have to do-" but she cuts me off.

"Yes, yes I do. So shut up and let me." She says determinedly before she kisses my belly button. She sits up and I immediately come up on my elbows to watch her.

"You know Jameson, you're incredible, you're sexy, and you're an amazing man. I'm lucky to be the girl you want, even if I don't deserve it." She looks at me before kissing my right thigh, where my bandage is. Is she really trying to make me feel like not having legs isn't damning?

She works her way back up to my cock, and slides her tongue around the tip of it. "Ohh God!" I moan probably way louder than I should, but I don't care. This girl's tongue feels amazing.

She licks down my shaft and back up a few times before circling the head again and if she keeps that up, I am not going to make it through. I softly grab a handful of her blonde and purple hair and she lets out a breathy sigh. "Sam, baby that feels so good," I say breathless and she takes me into her mouth. "OH my God!" I bite my lip, to keep from sounding like a fourteen year old getting his first blowjob.

Sam starts to suck and move up and down and I don't know if I've ever seen anything hotter. She looks up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, and something hotter just happened. I am about to become an erupting volcano if she doesn't stop.

"Sam, I hiss out as she sucks me faster. I don't want to come in her mouth; I want to be deep inside of her. "SAM!" I growl and pull her off me. "Come up here. I need to be buried inside you." Had I known she could move that fast I would have said that five minutes ago.

"Hi," she breathes into my face and I smile.

"Hi there," I reply and then groan out as she slides down onto my cock. Holy shit, she feels incredible. Things totally just got hotter, too. I smile as she leans her hands back on my thighs and arches her back letting me get even deeper inside her. For someone to not have any experience, she sure knows what to do. "Sam, that's it baby! Don't stop." I grab her hips and help her bounce up and down as we both work towards release.

Her breathing picks up and her tits bounce faster as she bucks, working towards her own orgasm. I know that as soon as she reaches hers, I will be following right over the edge. I can feel her starting to tighten, her muscles clenching my dick as she bounces. "JAMESON!!!!!" Her head goes back and she shudders and that's all it takes. A guttural moan comes from me as I explode deep inside her. My cock is throbbing from the pressure built up inside of me.

Sam falls on my chest, breathing hard trying to catch her breath. I wrap her up in my arms and I finally feel at peace. It's been over a year since I lost my legs, and finally I have something that helps me feel whole. For once, I feel like I have something to look forward to. 

#

It's been two months since that night, the night that Sam and I made love. It has been the best two weeks of my life. The shop is doing well, except for that damn kid that likes to come and play the guitar. Uncle Scott stops by every now and then to see how things are. We are working out a deal for me to pay him back everything he's invested, even though he says I don't have to. He says that I've given enough for his freedom and it's the least he can do.

Sam and I have been having sex as often as we can, and all I can think about is having her by my side. She has become this ever present thought and I don't ever want to have a day go by where I don't think of her. . I am sitting at the counter with my hand on my chin, thinking about what happened last night.

"Jameson..." I look up to see Sam standing in some little sexy lingerie concoction. How in the hell men don't die of heart attacks when women wear stuff like this I will never know. It's this hot pink see-through lace thing that barely covers her tits and comes right below her ass. However, I can see the lime green thong she's wearing underneath it peeking out. Instantly my cock is hard and I am having trouble controlling the beat of my heart and my breathing.

"My God Sam, are you trying to kill me?" She smiles and comes to the couch and drops in front of me onto her knees. I don't know how I got so lucky but Sam loves to give just as much as she receives and she gives it good. I groan out my appreciation as she pulls my cock out of my boxer briefs, but then she stops.

"Uh, what?" I look down and she has that damn Cheshire cat grin on her face. What the hell is she thinking? Her hands go down to my prosthetic and before I know what she's doing, she has the damn thing off. "Sam, don't," I growl out and she smiles.

"I love everything about you Jameson, and tonight this is about you, not me. I intend to give you pleasure, and I intend to do it with you, only you. You are beautiful without these." She takes the other off and rubs my knee where the prosthetic was. This is another thing I love about Sam. It's like she knows that I don't think of myself as a man and she can see through my façade. She leans in, kisses my nub and then massages it with her fingers before she gets up on her knees again and bites her lip.

She giggles when the moan comes from me and my head goes back. Then, I feel her mouth on my cock. Fuck, she sure knows how to make the blood flow. I look down and she's staring back at me with those greyish blue eyes and I moan out my appreciation.

"Sam, please baby." She takes that as her cue and circles my shaft with her hand and starts to pump, matching the rhythm her mouth is doing, leaving me panting. She looks up at me and I put my fingers in her hair, running them through it and tugging it softly. Her teeth graze my sensitive skin, but not in a way to hurt me. My girl is teasing me and damn, it feels so good.

"Jameson!" My head snaps up at the sound of my name and a heavy sigh leaves my mouth.

"Jameson!!" I look down, mortified. I'd better not stand up or I'm completely busted.

"Uh, hi momma." I blush a little as she stands there in her black pant suit and silk shirt, both ironed and impeccable. Her hair is pulled into an elegant bun, typical Jennifer Carter style. "Son, I've been standing here for two minutes trying to get your attention. You could have been robbed!" I burst out laughing.

"Sorry momma, I was um, I was thinking." She raises an eyebrow and puts her hand on her hip.

"Son, for some reason I think those thoughts will have you burning in hell." I can't help it, I laugh again.

"Jameson, I love that you're happy, but are you sure this is what you want? I mean, I know something horrible happened to Sam. This isn't about pity is it?" Wait, what? She knew?

"What? Mom, how do you know about Sam?" I slam my hands down on the counter. I look around at the two people playing with drums in the back of the shop but other than that it's pretty quiet.

"Son, Kathy and I are close friends. How do you think you and Luke really got to be so close?" She twirls her ring on her finger, which makes me wonder if she's ever going to remarry. Dad's been gone for ten years now and she's hardly been out with anyone. "When you two first met, Luke stole your new plane that your grandpa bought for you, and you came home crying. You didn't want anything to do with that boy after that. Kathy and I, well, we made sure you would. You boys each needed a brotherly type you could rely on for anything. Luke is that for you." She smiled and looked at me.

"Momma, what's on your mind?" I look at her and she frowns.

"I loved your daddy. He made me happy, the kind of happy I see when you are with Sam. Just guard your heart baby." Her smile falters but doesn't disappear. Typical Jennifer. "After what Mary-Beth did to you, I couldn't imagine you ever getting over that. You did though, and I know it was because of Samantha. Don't lose it son, it's hard to come by." The bell rings and in walks a man in his late fifties, with salt and pepper hair, and he's probably standing at 6'2. He must work out because those arms of his are almost as big as mine.

"Hi, can I help you find something sir?" As, I walk around the counter I see mom looking at him. Holy shit, did she just blush?

"I was just passing through. I just moved here not too long ago. Well a few towns over, but a friend told me about this store. I was interested in a piano, but I see you don't have much in those terms." He looks at me apologetically.

"You're right but I have a few catalogs though. I have a couple keyboards but the pianos we just don't have a big enough location. However, I can order you in anything you want, even custom." I notice he isn't even looking at me. He's noticed something behind me and I turn.

I'll be damned. He isn't looking at the keyboards, that's for sure. "I'll go and get the book out of the office for you." I have to stifle a chuckle when I see him checking out my mom's ass. Well maybe Mr. Salt and Pepper will make my mom's eyes shine again.

I come back and Mom waves at me as she's walking out the door. "Come eat dinner one day this week Jameson! Love you!" I turn my attention back to the man in front of me.

"Roger," he says as he holds his hand out for me to shake, and I oblige.

"Son." I smirk, rubbing my arm as he stands there and laughs.

"Marine, I hear?" He smiles and looks down. "My son was a Marine. He and three friends lost their lives a little over a year ago in a bombing accident. Two of the guys were saved."

"You said your name was Roger?" My heart starts beating and I can't breathe. There are tons of things that happen to our service men. We can't be talking about the same accident. He can't be one of the guys' fathers, can he?

"Yes. Roger Andrews." I grab the counter but not before the light fades.

I come to and see Blake standing over me, and the man from earlier. "Blake." I grab his shirt holding onto him, much like I did when I learned that Andrews, Black, Miller, and Jackson would never say another word to me again.

"Will," I whisper, and the man looks at me. Blake looks confused and so does the man. "Your son. He was William Andrews?" I look at the man and he pales. Damn, same incident.

"Yes, how did you know?" I groan and get Blake to help me up. I stand there and so does Blake. We salute to the man who lost his son, the son I got to serve with, the son I let die.

"Sir, I know you're confused but I'm LCpl Blake Johnson, and this is LCpl Jameson Carter," Blake says and walks me to the chair behind the counter. "Your son was one badass Marine." I sit there in shock still, and I wonder why Blake's here.

"What the hell are you doing here Blake?" I look at him and he looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Can we discuss that later? I think this is more important." He points to the man who's standing before us, the same man that was just checking out my mother's ass.  I get scared for my mom. She liked him, and now he will never call her because let's face it, who wants to date the woman whose son let theirs die? Roger's eyes have started to glaze over with tears, but he blinks them back.

"My son talked highly of you both. He had the utmost respect for you; of all of the men he served with, and died with. You are all heroes and I can't thank you enough for protecting him for as long as you did." Roger shakes Blake's hand and then goes to shake mine but I just can't do it, it would be wrong. Blake pushes my shoulder, trying to get me to move but I can't.

"Sir, I'm sorry but I can't shake your hand. I'm no hero; I let your son die.  I should have seen what was coming." I look down and then around the shop. I want to look anywhere but at this man. Roger puts his hand on mine and makes me look at him.

"Son, let me tell you something. My Will, he died doing something he loved, something he wanted to do, with five men he looked up to, respected. You can blame yourself for whatever you want, but he wouldn't want that and I sure as hell don't either." He takes a deep shaky breath and continues. "In my eyes you are a hero; you saved him, didn't you?" He points over at Blake and smiles. "Yes, you're the one that gets to wake up every morning, and hell yes I miss my son. But, there is one thing I know for sure, my son wouldn't have been able to handle this life, and I can see you're strong. Live for him; don't feel remorse, and don't you dare feel like you let him down. You couldn't have changed the outcome even if you wanted to."

I look at him then grab him, pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry I couldn't save him," I whisper and Blake pats my back. He knows how I feel; he lives with it every day, too.

"You did though. You were a friend when he needed it, and that's all that matters." He smiles and grabs the catalog for the piano. "Mind if I take this and bring it back? I have a date with your mother in a week." I laugh.

"Um, good luck with that, and yes sir, anytime is good for me." He shakes my hand again, and then turns to leave.

"It was an honor meeting you both. I know you were both in the hospital during the service, but you should go see the boys to help get some closure. They'd like that for you. Would you want them to be sad or would you prefer that they let you live through them?" Damn, that man was smart.

"Yes sir," Blake and I both say in unison as Roger walks out of my shop.

#

"You are not off the hook Johnson. What the hell are you doing in town?" I look at him and he blushes.

"I uh, I had a date with Anna." His hand brushes over his nearly shaved head and I laugh.

"Pippi?" I double over and I look at him.

"Damn, I should have seen that coming. You and Pippi," I laugh out loud while shaking my head. He looks at me like I'm a moron.

"Who the hell is Pippi?" He puts his hands on the glass counter and I laugh harder. Oh shit, he likes her more than he's letting on. He's already getting defensive over his woman.

"Dude, chill out. She just reminds me of Pippi Longstocking that's all." I shrug my shoulders and go over to the guitar room and start picking up. Blake follows me and helps, as we listen to the kids drumming away in the other room.

"I can see it, now that you point it out, but don't tell her I said that," Blake says. I laugh softly and then smirk.

"I like Anna; it's her best friend I don't much like anymore." I let out a sigh and Blake just nods, letting it go.

"So, about what Mr. Andrews said?" The tension in the air could be cut with a knife over what Blake just brought up.  I am not ready for that, at least not yet. It's not something I am sure I will ever be okay with, but I suppose I need to have closure. It's just hard to get closure on four men that were your best friends.

"Uh, I'll think about it." I put a box on the shelf and Blake just shakes his head. "Think about it Carter. We both need this. We can go together instead of apart; we can still be a team." He punches my shoulder and gives me a sad smile, then turns to walk out.

"Call me when you decide what you want to do." With that he's gone, and the kids are walking out of the store as well.

"Thanks for letting us jam today Jameson." I smile and walk behind the desk getting the keys. It's time to close up and get a repeat of last night.

I walk into the apartment and notice Sam isn't here yet, so I go into the kitchen. I start getting out the ingredients to grill tonight. I grab the steaks and the vegetables I had marinating in the fridge, along with a beer, and then head to the patio.

I turn the radio on and smile when I hear Bottoms Up by Brantley Gilbert. It's really becoming one of my favorite songs, especially with the comment about the country song making a girl move like that. Yeah, that's awesome. I smirk and take a swig of my beer and put the steaks on the grill.

About fifteen minutes later, I hear the door opening and look up to see Sam. She's got her hair in a ponytail and her blue scrubs on. She smiles at me and then scrunches her face a little. "What's wrong babe?" I sit the tongs down and walk over to her. She looks like she's got something on her mind.

"Tomorrow is Isabella's birthday." She sits down in the chair, pulls her knees to her, and looks at the wall. I know it's got to be hard for her. She may not have wanted her baby because of what it stood for, but don't women bond or something with the baby while they are pregnant?

"Sam, you know who her parents are right? They live what, four hours from here?" I kneel in front of her so she can see me.

"Yeah, but I can't go there, not anymore." She sighs and I growl. I don't like her being hurt and feeling like this; it's not fair.

"I thought you said they were your friends Sam?" I put my hands on her arms and rub circles.

"They are." That's all I get? What the hell? I am not good at reading between the lines. I wish she would just tell me what she means.

"So why can't you go see her?" She finally meets my eyes and her eyes are haunted.

"I could ask you the same thing Jameson." She stands up and starts to walk towards the door, but I grab her hand and pull her back to me.

"Explain to me what that means," I growl.

"Your steaks are burning." She turns to walk away again and I pull her back to me.

"I don't give a fuck about the steaks. Tell me what that means." My nostrils flare as I try to control my breathing. Four years as a marine has done nothing for my control, especially where Samantha is involved.

"You're asking me to do the same thing you're too afraid to do," she says quietly, not meeting my eyes.

"Sam, baby, I don't know who lied to you, but I don't have a child somewhere. If I do, Mary-Beth had better get to explaining quickly." I look into her eyes and she laughs softly.

"No Jameson, you are asking me to face my greatest fear. I can't, just like you can't let the guys go. You can't bring yourself to find closure either, because if you do you might be happy and you can't let yourself be that way. I... I can't be completely happy, because I gave up something precious, something innocent, and something I was supposed to protect. I can't see her because I couldn't protect her." Sam finally meets my eyes and that's when I understand. She can't forgive herself for not being able to face what Isabella represented for her. And I can't face the graves of my brothers for what they represent.

"How about I make a deal with you?" I look into her eyes and I smile. This has got to work.

"I don't know if I want to make a deal with the devil," she jokes and bites her lip. I chuckle and kiss her nose then pull her to me. I wrap my arms around her pulling her close, our chests touching.

"How about if you go to see Isabella tomorrow and I will go this week sometime with Johnson to see the boys?" I look up at her and she smiles.

"I told you, I don't make deals with the devil. You sir are the epitome of the devil in disguise." She laughs as I grab her ass and lift her up, her legs immediately wrapping around my hips.

"If I am the devil, what does that make you?" I growl into her neck as I walk us to the bedroom.

"A fallen angel," she replies and then kisses me.

We lay in bed together; my hand stroking Sam's naked back as she lays on my chest snoring softly. I smile as I grab my phone from the dresser. I've decided that it's time for me to face the music. I haven't wanted to look at these pictures in over a year. It's too scary to see the faces of the men I served beside, the men who lost their lives protecting the freedom of the people I love. People like Samantha who, even through her own trials and tribulations, help people in need, never giving it a second thought. I flip through the folders until I find the one I haven't looked at in over twelve months. There are a ton of pictures of Will and me playing basketball in the makeshift courtyard in the desert. There are a few selfies of Blake and John and then there is one of Matt sticking his tongue out like an idiot. I chuckle out loud at this picture and Sam stirs on top of me.

"Whatcha looking at?" she asks and then sits up as I show her the pictures. I hand her the phone and in the first picture there are six guys. I point them out to her as she looks at us in our workout gear; we really did do everything together.

"I remember the day we took this. We had just finished working out and we were ribbing Jackson, the one in the blue gym shorts about calling his wife Kate. His son was born about six weeks before we took this, and he died about three months after. He never got to meet Matthew." Sam goes rigid in my arms but she keeps quiet, then finally she relaxes.

"The black guy is Grant Miller and he was the one doing most of the ribbing. He and Jackson were best friends and were very close." I smile and point to Will, and sigh. "This was Will Andrews. He was the one I was closest to, next to Blake. I met his father today." Sam sits up and stares.

"You WHAT?" she yells and I laugh softly.

"Mom has a date with him this week." I smirk and Sam looks at me like I'm crazy.

"You had better explain now mister!" She sits up, crossing her legs, forgetting the fact that she is completely naked. "Oh no you don't mister! Up here!" She grabs my face and makes me look into her eyes as she grabs the blanket and covers herself up. I huff and she laughs; hearing that laugh is the best thing ever.

"Yeah, well today a man came in to buy a piano. It turns out that it was Andrews' dad, and he had the hots for my mother." I laugh and Sam shakes her head. "Oh and Blake is dating Anna." She looks at me and gasps.

"Really?" She cocks her head to the side and scrunches her nose. "Actually, I can see it." She laughs and leans over. "You are so not off the hook. What did his dad say?" I look at her hoping we could drop this and get on with the hot sex I plan on making happen again, but I see in her eyes that it isn't happening.

"He told me that I needed to stop blaming myself. That the guys wouldn't want that for me, and that he doesn't want that for me." I look down at my hands and she grabs them, which makes me feel stronger. "He told me that I was a hero for what I did. But damn it Sam, how can I be a hero when the guys that I was supposed to protect ended up six feet under?" I look down as the tears roll down my face. I've tried to hold them in and I can't do it right now. Luckily for me, Sam doesn't say a word. She squeezes my hands and then pulls me into her arms and just lets me cry.

I wake up to a wonderful smell, bacon. Who in the hell doesn't love bacon? I get up, pull on my black boxer briefs and my prosthetics, then trek down the hall to the kitchen. Sam is standing in the kitchen in her black tank top and hot pink boyshorts that make her ass look phenomenal. I stand there and watch her for a minute as she dances around the kitchen listening to _Tough_ by Kelli Pickler.

She has the spoon in her hand like a microphone and is singing and jumping around. She stops in her tracks when she spots me. "Oh babe, don't stop. I was really enjoying the show. Think I could have a private showing in the bedroom?" I point to the tent in my pants and she laughs then comes and kisses me.

"Nope, you have just enough time to eat breakfast before we hit the road." She smiles and I look at her confused.

"The road? What are we doing? Going running?" I look at her as she puts my food down in front of me. I immediately dig into the scrambled eggs.

"No. We are going to a two-year old's birthday party." She smiles and busts out laughing when I spew egg all over the counter. She'd better be glad I wasn't eating my bacon or I'd be pissed.

"Really?" I look at her, thinking she's making it up.

"We have a deal Mr. Devil." She looks at me and holds out her hand for me to shake. I shake on it, and wonder if I am really going to be able to keep my end of the bargain. We eat the rest of our breakfast and then get dressed. I'll tell you this, seeing a hot blonde standing near an unmade bed with just a lace bra and panties makes it hard to control your body. Finally, she is fully dressed and we are heading out the door.

Tuscaloosa here we come.

#

Three and a half long hours of riding in the car listening to all kinds of horrible music that Sam listens to, and we are finally here. Sam has gotten quiet, even after we listened to the Backstreet Boys for a whole hour on the way here. We pull up to a white house on the corner and see all the cars surrounding it. I can tell that Sam is nervous and I suppose she has every right to be. The house has white columns and green shutters and it looks like something out of a magazine.

I can see one of the reasons why Sam decided these people deserved the miracle she brought to them. She gets out of my Mustang and grabs the present we stopped to get a few miles back. She takes a deep breath and starts towards the house. I walk beside her and grab her hand, she squeezes and then drops it. I've got a feeling that this isn't going to turn out well. It's hard to explain. It's kind of like the feeling I got before the bomb detonated. It's the feeling of dread. I'm hoping I'm just nervous for Sam. I want this to go well for her.

We walk to the house and knock on the door. An older man with a beer gut and balding, gray hair answers.  "Hey Mr. Eli, how are you doing?" Sam says and the man scoops her up in a hug.

"Well, I'll be! Sam, I was worried we'd never see hide nor hair from you ever again! What in heaven's name is that in your hair?" She smiles and tugs at her sleeves. She hid her tattoos because she was worried what they would think.

"Well they're purple streaks Mr. Eli. I like them." She smiles and he laughs.

"They suit you kid. Who's this young man you've got with you?" He looks over at me and I shake his hand.

"My name is Jameson Carter." I smile until the man goes pale. What the hell is up with everyone doing that? Out of the corner of my eye I see Sam shake her head sharply and the man nods. What the hell?

"You two come on in. It's nice to meet you, son." The man steps back and looks at me again. He's almost acting like he's seen a ghost. We walk into the house, and then I'm the one seeing a fucking ghost.

"Matt?" I stare at the guy. This cannot be happening. I grab Sam and then walk over to the man I see standing there in front of me. "Matt?" I ask again and the guy finally looks at me. He's not Matt. His jaw isn't as defined, and he has green eyes where Matt's were brown.

"No, I'm sorry. My name is Declan. Sam! You came." She smiles and steps around me to give him a hug. OH shit. Declan is Matt's brother. He's here with Heather. As things start to piece in my mind, I see her. Kate. She steps into the house and I just stare.

"You knew?" I breathe to Sam and she lets out a sigh.

"I assumed. I didn't know for sure." I gasp when I see a kid about two years old walking by the door, the spitting image of Matt, and I know who it is.

"I need to sit down, now," I tell Sam and the old man that let us in, as he pulls up a chair.

"Who is this Sam?" Declan asks. Kate is still beautiful but I can tell she's lost weight, something she didn't need to do. I need to get out of here.

The old man grabs my shoulder and leans down. "It's alright. Just take a deep breath. You're in shock son, but we ain't gonna bite ya." I breathe in and out and then meet Sam's eyes, and she winces. Yeah, she knows what to expect when we get in that car. I look up when I hear someone say my name.

"Carter?" Kate walks up and stares, waiting for me to say something, but I can't look at her.

"Jameson." I hear Sam behind me and finally I look up. This shit cannot be happening, not twice in a week. I have avoided this for over a year and I am not ready for this, especially not with Jackson's family here. They are the one family whose kid should have been saved.

"I, I need to go," I say and rush for the door but Kate comes after me. Why does it have to be Kate of all people?

"Carter!" she yells at me and I stop, turning to face her. She walks right up to me and jabs her finger into my chest. Damn, no wonder Matt liked her. "You wait a god damned minute. Why haven't you returned my calls? We needed you; we were a family! YOU were his family! But you disappeared. The last I had heard was that you were in the hospital." She's still poking me and I let her, the pain is a welcome distraction from knowing that Sam has betrayed me. She led me into the lion's den. I thought she didn't make deals with the devil. She was right because you can't make deals with yourself.

"Jameson Carter! Are you even listening to me?" Kate slaps my face and I growl.

"Damn it Kate!" I let out a sigh and she breaks down.

"I lost him, and then you, too. Blake couldn't find you, Mary-Beth said you broke up and didn't much like her anymore. I know we only met at basic but damn it Jameson, you were like a brother to all of us." I look at Kate and I grab her and pull her to me.

"I'm sorry Kate, I just," I stop myself and take a shaky breath and continue. "I couldn't look at you because I let you down. He should be here with you today, not me." She looks up at me and sniffles as she holds my arms.

"Jameson, God took him yes, but I was given something great. I see him every day in Matthew; I still have a piece of him. You, well God knew you needed to help out sweet Sam. Or at least I assume that's why you're here." She puts her hand on my cheek and smiles.

"You were left because your time wasn't destined to be up. Now don't be mad at her for making you face your fears, because she's facing hers today, too." She kisses my cheek and turns to walk back into the house. "And, Jameson?" She turns to face me and I raise an eyebrow. "You're still on my shit list. Your ass had better not go off the grid again." She walks into the house, and out walks Sam.

She sits down on the step of the front porch and looks at her feet. "I knew if I told you, you wouldn't come. Jameson, I know I was selfish, but dammit I needed you with me. I wouldn't have been able to come here, and I should have told you beforehand but I just couldn't risk you not coming. We both needed this, and here we are." I walk over and sit down beside her. I smile because I know she's right; we did both need this and although hurt by her deception, I am grateful she led me here.

"I am so pissed at you, and you're going to get yelled at a lot on that four hour drive back home, but you're right I needed this. Now let's go Devil." I smirk and she looks at me questioningly and then laughs herself. That's one more thing I love about Samantha; she always gets what I mean.

We walk into the backyard and Sam's hand tightens on mine when a little girl comes running up to us. She has on a pink dress that says 'Birthday Girl,' but even without her wearing that, I know who she is. She has Sam's small button nose, her steel grey-blue eyes and her full lips, but her hair is dark brown and in ringlets. "Hi. I Izabewa. You pwetty. "She smiles at Sam, and I squeeze her hand as I see her tear up.

"I'm Sam, and this is Jameson. He was a friend of your Uncle Matt's." Sam smiles at Isabella and then at Heather and Declan. This is nice, seeing Sam finally starting to heal, getting to see that she did indeed protect Isabella, and to see that no harm can come from her parents.

"Bounce in bouncy house?" Isabella asks and grabs Sam's hand. Sam smiles at me and goes with Isabella.

"You two have done so much in all of our families' lives." I turn to see Declan standing beside me and I wince a little. "Samantha gave my wife something she could never have, and you; well, you gave my father, sister-in-law and me some peace. Peace in knowing that my baby brother had a person who cared for him just as much as we did. I know you don't believe it.  I see it in your face, but we don't hate you. How could we? Matt loved you; he talked about you all the time. If the roles were reversed, I think you'd want him to be happy." What is this? Is there a record broken somewhere in my head? Déjà vu times two? God what did I do to deserve this?

"I want to say thank you for everything you did for this country Jameson, because I of all people know that freedom is never free." Declan places his hand on my shoulder, pats it and before I can say a word he nods and walks away. He leaves me standing there, thinking about what he said while watching Sam bounce and laugh with Isabella. At least one of us is going to heal from this experience.

After we watch Isabella open her presents and eat cake and ice cream, it's time to get back on the road. I shake Declan and Mr. Eli's hands and Kate snatches me up into a big hug. "Don't you dare be a stranger, now. You may not think it now, but everything and I mean EVERYTHING happens for a reason." She meets my eyes and smiles. How can they all make it look so easy? She lost her best friend, her husband, and the father of her child, and she is standing here smiling.

"I know what's going through that mind of yours Jameson and it's not. It's hard every day, I see him every day, and that's why it's not as hard. But it still hurts like hell." She smiles and puts her hand on my arm then walks away. Heather hugs Sam and tells her thank you and to come back whenever. Sam and I get into my Mustang and start the trek back to small town Louisiana.

I sit in the car for over an hour with my jaw clenched tightly. I have so much to say and don't know how to even start. I know I shouldn't be mad at Sam because she was trying to do something she thought was right. She says she needed me as much as I needed her, but dammit I wasn't ready for this.

"Jameson, please don't ignore me." She sighs and looks out the window as I look over at her. She's trying to play the victim? This makes me mad.

"Oh, no. NO ma'am, you do not get to play the victim here Samantha!" I growl and grip the steering wheel tighter. "You threw me to the damn lions!" I yell out, pissed beyond belief.

"If I would have told you, you wouldn't have agreed to come," she says softly and looks away.

"EXACTLY!" I roar. I look down at my hands to find my knuckles white from the death grip on the steering wheel.

"Jameson, I didn't mean to hurt you. I honestly wasn't sure if it was them until you saw Declan." That's all she says and then she gets quiet. She looks down at her hands and starts pulling at the skin around her nails.

"I was blindsided Samantha. Those people you just brought me to see, they lost someone amazing! I'm still here and I couldn't save him! You brought me to people who should hate me!" My heart is pounding and my lungs ache as I try to breathe.  I know my veins are popping out on the side of my neck and I probably look like as red as a Solo cup at the moment, but I don't care. Let my face match my mood because I am beyond pissed. I am infuriated.

"I was only trying to help you Jameson! You shut everyone out. I didn't know for sure that was Matt's family. I knew Kate was with Matt. But, I had no clue it was that Matt.  You needed that whether you admit it or not! I am not going to apologize because it was best for you. I love you, Jameson." She turns to me, her temper matching mine, and that's when I realize she just wants me to be happy, healed, and whole.

I take the next exit and pull up on a deserted road, looking over at Sam. "Are we done fighting?" she asks softly.

"Are you done doing things I am not ready for?" I ask and she smiles.

"Yes." That's all it takes. I undo my seatbelt, grab the back of her head and pull her to me, none too gently either. This is primal; I have to show her who's in control. I have to show her that stuff like this cannot happen again.

"I can't handle surprises like this again, Sam. Please don't," I rest my head against her forehead, willing my anger to dissipate.

"I promise," she kisses my lips softly and I decide right then and there to let it go. We both needed what happened today. She needed to see her daughter was healthy and I needed to affirmation that I wasn't an evil bastard that everyone hated.

#

It's been three days since I ran into two of the guys' families. How weird is it to run into two people whose lives you have impacted so much? Pretty fucking weird, and then to know my mom is out on a date tonight with Mr. Roger. Sam wants to know when I am going to see the guys and I just don't have the answer yet. I know she faced her fear, but maybe she is really a stronger person than I am.

It's hard for me to face that I will never see them again. Seeing those pieces of stone where they are resting in a final slumber is more than enough proof for me.  I just don't know if I am ready for that. Johnson has been around my place a lot more, and I am wondering if he is just going to move in. Maybe I should just ask him if he wants to move in. The only bad thing about that would be my sexcapades with Sam. They seem to be getting heavier as the days go on.

I'm sitting on the couch with a beer in my hand when Sam walks in carrying an overnight bag and I can't help but smile.

"Hey babe." She comes over and kisses my lips and then turns to walk into the kitchen. "I hear your mom is out with a pretty good looking man tonight." She smiles from the kitchen counter and I chuckle.

"Well, I am not gay by any means but I'd say Mr. Roger sure is a good looking man. I'm glad that momma can finally be happy for once in her life. She deserves some happiness after everything she's gone through." I chug a bit of my beer and then get up off the couch and walk over to Sam.

I wrap my arms around her and lean in to kiss her neck. "Pippi and Johnson want to know if we wanna go to dinner and the movies tonight." She makes a face and I chuckle.

Anna is Mary-Beth's friend, not mine, but I understand why Blake wants to go on a double date. "I suppose we can. Just let me go get ready." She turns in my arms and wraps her hands around my neck and kisses me. She slides her tongue into my mouth, taking control. She pulls back and out of my arms quickly and struts to the bathroom to get changed.

I laugh and grab her bag and start to walk to the bedroom. Sam is so messy, and it used to drive me crazy. Hell, I am a marine and I have been drilled into keeping things spotless and in its place. Samantha on the other hand, well, she is quite the free spirit. She doesn't care where it lands as long as she can find it. If I move something, she normally can't find it, even if I move it to where it's supposed to go.

I walk into the closet and pull out a pair of jeans; I still have yet to wear shorts in public. Maybe one day I will embrace my disability, my weakness, but for today I am sticking to my dark colored jeans. I slide them on over my black boxer briefs and then grab a red button up. I roll the sleeves to just below my elbows and then spray a little cologne and head to the living room to wait on Sam.

She comes out about fifteen minutes later wearing a black skirt that comes to about her mid thighs and I am tempted to not even go.  I can't even look at what's covering her upper half because I am so transfixed on the hemline of that skirt and those damn heels she has on her feet. I shake my head a little and then continue my path up her body. Holy hell, she really is trying to make me go into cardiac arrest. The purple shirt she is wearing is loose fitting with the back cut out, and she's paired that with a black tank top covering the rest. "Sam, you cannot go out of the house like that. All the men will be staring at you," I growl and she laughs.

"Well, the only man I want will have me attached to his arm." She smiles and it actually reaches her eyes. For the first time, I notice that Sam might actually be healed.

"Damn right." She leans in and kisses me as I say the words. She had better know she is mine and only mine. I am the only man who needs to see her in anything less than this.

She grabs her purse and we make our way to my Mustang. I walk over to her door and open it for her. That's one good thing about living in a small town; mommas raise their boys to be gentlemen and treat woman right. The downside is that everyone knows your business as well as you do.

We get to the restaurant and Sam puts on her fake smile when she sees Anna and Johnson.

"Sam, you look so pretty.  I really love your hair like that." Anna smiles and Sam blushes.

"Thanks Anna, you look nice too." I smirk. I figured those claws would be reined in. Anna really is a nice girl. I think Mary-Beth was more of a bitch in the duo.

I walk over to Anna who actually does look nice tonight. She's in a pair of red skinny jeans and a loose fitting sweater type top that's hanging off her right shoulder, with a tank top underneath it. "Hey Pippi, nice to see you finally got you a good guy to associate with." I smirk and Johnson chuckles under his breath.

"UGH! Jameson, you're such an asshole. Quit calling me Pippi." She punches me in the side and I let out an 'oof.'

"Damn girl. Who taught you to punch like that?" She blushes and points at Blake.

"What? Dude, she needs to be able to defend herself." He laughs and shrugs.

"Um, I agree but dude, that shit hurt." I laugh and walk towards the door to open it for the girls.

We are sitting around enjoying a nice dinner and drinks. Sam and Anna are actually getting along a lot better than I thought they would. In all honesty though they could be good friends. If it weren't for Mary-Beth being with me and Sam being my best friend when we first got together, I think they would have been friends too.

We are all sitting there eating our salad and talking when we hear something from the kitchen. It sounds like a pop and that's all it takes. Johnson turns pale and hits the ground, ducking under the table for cover.  Oh shit, this isn't good. Anna looks at me, her eyes asking me what the hell is going on. People are staring at us and this is not good. "It's okay Anna. Just give him a minute. That crash probably triggered a bad memory for him. Sam, explain please." I go under the table with Blake and he is shaking.

"Johnson, look at me man," I say as he rocks with his head in his hand.

"Can't look up." He shakes and covers his head again.

"Blake, it was a dish or something crashing in the kitchen. We aren't there anymore man; it isn't anything bad." I put my hand on his shoulder and he finally looks at me, tears rolling down his face.

"I'm such a fucking pussy." He looks at me with haunted eyes, and I know exactly how he feels.

"No, you're not. You are one of the strongest men I know and you will get through this." I grab his head and bump mine to his. He wipes his eyes and looks at me.

"She's going to leave. We haven't even stayed together overnight because I was afraid I'd scare her with my dreams. Now, I have scared her by being scared of a fucking dish breaking in a kitchen." He sighs and rubs his face.

"Anna isn't Mary-Beth. She's a lot tougher than this. If she cares she will stay." I smile and he nods and we both get up from the table.

"I'll be outside." Johnson gets up and walks out the door. "I'm um... I'm going to go after him." Anna stands up and walks quickly after Blake.

"Well, that went well." I smirk and Sam shakes her head. It looks like we won't be seeing a movie with them then.

"Sir, I was told to let you know that your meal has been paid for, and that they wish to say thank you for your service," the waitress says as she comes to the table and smiles.

"What?" Sam and I both ask, and notice people are still staring at us. Sam can see the wheels turning in my head and grabs my hand.

"Don't you dare, Jameson. People are already staring." I smirk. If they want a show, I'll give them one.

I stand up and smile. "Hello everyone! My name is LCPL Jameson Carter. I want to say thank you to whoever paid for our meals. Also, thank you all for not making a big deal out of a man, who is living with visions of the hell he has lived through, so you can sit here and enjoy your meal in peace. Thank you for making him feel like an animal in a cage while he went through a flashback of his time in the war. I appreciate that. Have a great night."

I start to walk out the door and Sam follows. Wouldn't you know it, there is my mother standing at the door with a scowl on her face. Her damn right foot is just tapping away and she has her hands on her hips. Of course she'd come to the restaurant I frequent for her date, and of course she'd hear that rant.

"Jameson Nathan! Outside right now!" Momma turns on her heels and walks outside. "What the hell are you thinking Jameson?" She turns and looks me in the eyes. Of course she wouldn't want someone marring the towns' opinion of her.

"I was thinking that we are not some damn animals for people's enjoyment, Momma." I sigh and look around for Johnson.  I see him smoking a cigarette around the corner.

"Watch your mouth boy. I brought you into this world and I sure as hell can take you out of it." She paces and Roger comes out.

"Now Jennifer, the boy is right. Everyone was staring. They have been through enough; they don't need people making them feel like they are crazy now too." He sighs and puts his hand on my arm. I feel like I should be mad at him, but for the life of me I can't. I find comfort and peace in that touch and I want to laugh when my mother huffs and walks back in.

"I'll talk to your momma, Jameson. You're right though. I suffered with PTSD when I came home from the Gulf War. It's not easy to live with." He sighs and looks at me. "You boys have a long road, but you both have fine young women to help you through it." He smiles and turns to walk into the restaurant after my mother. God bless that man.

#

Sitting at the music shop banging away on a set of drums, I can't help but smile. Things have been going great between Sam and I, and I am actually thinking of asking her to marry me. I've been down this road before, and it scares me to death. Mary-Beth left me when I needed her the most. Will it happen again?

I hear the bell ding over the door and I see Johnson walking towards me. I take the headphones off my head and walk around the drum set. "Hey man, I was wondering when you'd show up." I walk to the back and grab two water bottles from the fridge and walk back up to the counter where Johnson has planted his ass.

"Yeah, Anna and I have been on hiatus for a week or so. We are meeting up to talk in about an hour." He shrugs and pulls at his nails, something I've noticed he does when he's nervous.

"Dude, it's all going to work out. Anna is nothing like Mary-Beth; she won't run." He meets my gaze and I know the look in his eyes, the look of the unknown.

"I started going to counseling, and it started to help, but Jameson, it's hard to deal with man." I put my hand on his shoulder and nod. I know exactly where he's been. I was lucky enough to not get the post-traumatic stress disorder. I just got dealt everything else.

"Talk to Anna about it. She will be there for you; she's a spitfire." He smirks.

"Hell yeah she is." I hope for his sake I'm right about Anna. I don't think Johnson can lose someone else like this.

Once you've been where we have, it's hard to love someone the way I love Sam, and I am sure the way he thinks he loves Anna. You wake up every morning wondering if today is going to be the day that person is stripped from your world. It's not easy to live with; you see threats before they come, and most of the time, it's a threat that doesn't even exist.

"I just wanted to come and see what you were up to.  I was wondering if you'd go with me to see the guys. I think I need that to be able to live more of a normal life." He looks at me and I sigh.

"Blake, I want to go but I just don't think I can. I'm not ready for that. I just can't deal with the stress of it.  I'm not ready to say goodbye." I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

"Dude, no one is ever really ready to say goodbye. You are never going to be able to move forward with your own future if you keep holding on to your past." He places his hand on my shoulder then drinks a bit of his water. "I'll wait until you're ready but man you need to get your shit together." I sigh and look up at him.

"I didn't tell you I ran into Kate." I look down and pull my label off my water bottle as I read his expression.

"No, I am pretty sure you left that out." He folds his arms over his chest and stares me down.

"Well, it kind of goes along with Sam's secret which is why.  I went with Sam to see her friends, and her friends turned out to be Jackson's brother and his wife." I take a deep breath in and let it out in a huff.

"Well, that sure is a coincidence, Carter. I think Fate is telling you to get up off your ass and do what you need to do to move on. This will eat you alive if you let it. It will tear you apart. Don't let it." He uncrosses his arms and pats my back.

"I'm off to go meet Anna for lunch. Call me when you're ready to face the damn facts bro." He walks out of the shop and I go back to banging on my drum set. Seems like the only way I can relieve my stress these past couple of days.

As I get to my apartment, I'm reminded of how things have just been crazy lately. Sam and I are living in a pattern, which is nice, but it seems like things aren't flowing as smoothly. It's been a month since we went to see Isabella. Sam has been much happier knowing that she actually did protect the one thing she thought she couldn't. Seeing Isabella happy made her happy. It gave her the healing she needed to move on with her life. I've come to realize Samantha Blalock is way stronger than I am. She doesn't give up on things and she makes herself deal with the past.

I am a coward; I can't deal with losing four guys that meant everything to me. I can't deal with knowing or thinking that I could have stopped what happened, even if I really couldn't. It's hard for me to accept that there was nothing I could have done to save them.  That is the hardest thing to get past. There was not a damn thing I could do to save four outstanding men; four sons, one father. Looking into the face of Matt's son hit me the hardest, to know that he never would get to meet his father.

I go into the kitchen and grab the bottle of whiskey, taking a huge gulp, welcoming the burn. It helps to dull the pain in my heart as the heat slides down my throat and into my stomach. An hour later, the whole bottle is gone and I am lying on the couch when I hear the door open. The bottle is right beside the couch and I know she can see it.

"Jameson?" Sam stands in front of me, leaning over me as I lay on the couch. "What the hell are you doing? Did you really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels?" She waits for an answer but my mind doesn't comprehend a damn thing she says, so I just grunt, rolling over and fall asleep.

I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache and look over to see a not so happy Sam sitting in the recliner just watching me.

"Get your ass up. We need to talk. There's a bottle of water and some aspirin on the table in front of you." Oh shit, that doesn't sound like a good talk coming my way.

"Sam, please not right now." I start to lean forward to take the pills and my head jerks with her tone.

"Oh, it's happening now Jameson. This is beyond ridiculous." I sit up, taking the pills and drink the whole bottle of water.

"You promised me if I faced my demons you would do the same. Well, I have been patient.  I have tried to wait and see if you would do it, and you haven't. Jameson, you either face the past and move on so we can have a future, or I am going to walk out of this door and I will leave you to delve into your past. Alone." Wait, what? Did she just say she was leaving me?

"Sam, I am not strong like you.  I can't go there. I... I'm not ready for that." I sigh and put my head in my hands.

"Jameson, I know it's hard babe, but you're killing yourself with the guilt." She comes and sits beside me and grabs my hand.

"What you're doing to yourself Jameson, it's not healthy. I know because I have lived it." She shakes her head. "I cannot watch you go down the same destructive path I did.  After I gave Isabella to Heather and Declan, my life changed. I drank all the time because let's face it, I could. I didn't have a child inside me that I had to worry about anymore. So I drank." She runs her fingers through her hair and looks at me as she relives her past yet again. This is the side I never got to see.

"I drank, and when the pain inside of me became so unbearable, I inflicted pain on myself." She smiles and points to the intricate pattern running down her arm. "It cost me over two grand for this arm of pain, but it helped me get the pain out in a healthy way. Man, you should have seen mom's face when I came home the first day with one of the tattoos. It was this lily right here."

She smiles and points at the purple lily on her arm. "I drank, I got tattoos and I slowly lost the sweet Samantha I had always been. I see you going the same route Jameson." She gets up, kneeling in front of me, and puts my face in her hands. "Jameson, all that this is doing," picking up the empty bottle of whiskey on the floor, "All it's doing to you is numbing something you can't get rid of, and it's making you even more miserable."

"You need to face this, and until you do, I'm done. We can't have a future if you can't let go of your past." She kisses me on the lip softly and then stands, grabs her bag and walks out the door.

Well fuck me. There goes the second woman my life has sent packing. The question is... is Samantha worth facing my past?

A week has gone by; a week of my music store being closed because I am too drunk to get up and go open the doors. My mother is not happy about that. "Not everything in life goes the way you want, Jameson," she says in her perfect little tone.

She tells me like I don't know that. I sure as hell didn't want Jackson to step on that damn bomb. I sure didn't want my legs to be blown to shit, and I surely didn't want Mary-Beth to walk out. Even if a better relationship did come out of it.

Hearing a knock at the door I ignore it, but then a key is placed in the door and I perk up; she's come back to me. I sit up and look at the door and then I see the bright red hair in the sunlight. That is definitely not Sam.

"Jameson, I saw you lay back down. Get your ass up now, Carter!" I growl at Blake; I don't want to deal with him today. "Really Carter, are you going to let this keep you from being with Sam?" He growls and slaps my face. "Wake the fuck up Carter! You are ruining your life and none of us want that for you. Not Black, Andrews, Jackson, or Miller. Get up, get showered and dressed.  I am making the decision for you." He pulls my hand and helps me up and into the shower. "Sober up, man up, grab your coins and let's go."

I turn on the shower as he walks out of the room and I groan as I pull my clothes off. Damn I smell horrible. When was the last time I took a shower? Oh yeah, four nights ago. I step into the shower and huff as the hot water runs over my skin. I imagine Sam and how I want a life with her and I realize Johnson is right; none of the guys would want this for me. It's just not easy forgetting something like what I went through. I grab an overnight bag and my wallet.

I walk into the living room, nod my head and walk to the door. I don't have to say a word; it's time to deal with this. We both get in the car and then he speaks.

"Your mom bought the ticket this week, for both of us. She begged me to bring you Carter. You're losing yourself man." Blake looks at me and then back at the road and doesn't say a word until we are on the plane headed for Virginia.

#

Walking into Arlington National Cemetery is something I haven't done since my father was buried. It wasn't so hard to do then because I was thirteen years old. Walking into it now to say goodbye to people whose deaths feel like your fault, is as equally painful as the physical pain I have dealt with. My heart is beating fast and hard in my chest and I fear I really may go into cardiac arrest. I thought I was ready for this but I am most certainly not. I start to hyperventilate and turn to leave, but Johnson puts his hands on my chest.

"You have to do this Jameson. Do this for your future; do it because you need to. Don't let this stop you from moving on with your life. You need this. If you want a future with Sam, you need to take this step. You're already here.  I'm with you. We have survived something way more dangerous than this. We can do this together." He puts his hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eye. He's right but I just don't know if this is something I can do.

We start to walk down the rows and rows of grave markers and finally we reach the four we are here to see. I pat the coins resting in my pocket against my thighs. I can't help but smile as I see all of the coins on the graves of other soldiers. Johnson stops and lets me walk over to the first grave; it's like he knows this is something I need to do alone.

I read the first one and I kneel down on my leg that still has the knee attached and the tears start to fall.

Matthew Jackson

Beloved Son, Husband, & Father

2.22.90 – 5.10.12

I put my head on the ground beside Jackson's grave and the sobs overcome me. I know I must look like the biggest damn pussy ever, but I can't help it. I cry for the man who will never get to hear his son say daddy, the man who won't ever get to hug his wife again or hear her say she loves him. I cry for the friend who I will never get to make fun of his damn Alabama accent and I cry because I couldn't save him. My body is shaking with the pain and the tears I am letting out, and I don't even realize Johnson is sitting beside me comforting me as I let it all out.

I thought I let it out before today, but I never really let it go. I realize that now, and as I cry. I realize that everyone is right. Jackson, Black, Miller, and Andrews wouldn't want me to feel this way. They would want me to live my life, live for them. I still feel guilty for not acting sooner, but I know I didn't plant the bomb that detonated and took my comrades from me and those they loved. I look around me and notice the sun is starting to set. I look up, my eyes swollen from the grief and guilt I finally shed and catch Blake looking at me.

"What happened here today stays here, between brothers." He smiles a sad smile at me and pats my back. "But, we've been here almost two hours and it's getting late, so we need to go ahead and finish saying our goodbyes then head back to the car."

I stand and look at the graves. I take a deep breath and let it out. "Nothing can prepare you for the loss you feel when you lose people you care about. I know I never told any of you, but I cared for you all. You were the brothers I never had, the best friends a guy prays for. I'm sorry." I choke up and then keep going. "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to save you all. God must have needed you more than I did. I know you're all up there partying it up. Jackson, Matt, well little Matt I guess, man he's just like you. He loves that damn Jason Aldean and Luke Bryan. He made me sing with him when I went to meet Isabella. I think you'd like Sam, actually all of you would. Will, man your dad and my mom, what do you think of that? We really could have been brothers at one point."

I smile and take the quarters out of my pocket and place one on each of their graves. Then I take the four dimes I have been packing with me and again, place one on each of their graves, followed by the pennies. Next, I place the one nickle I had and put it on Jackson's grave. I wipe the tear that falls once again as I stand. "Goodbye my brothers." I turn to face Blake and I give him a sad smile. "I'm ready to face my future now, Johnson." He pats my back and smiles.

"It's about damn time you opened your eyes man. I couldn't let you lose Sam; she's the one that you never want to let get away." He smacks my arm and then starts to walk back towards the car. I trail behind him and look at the graves as we pass. Walking through the cemetery, I wonder how many men and women died some horrible death, and how many died as old men and women. I look at the sky and pray to God that I am one that dies an old man with Samantha by my side.

"Let's go Johnson. I have some time to make up." I smirk and start to walk past him.

A day later and I am sitting on Sam's porch waiting for her to get home. I see Luke's car coming and I just stay sitting. He isn't too happy with me right now either. I can't blame him though.

"She ain't in town," he says and comes to sit beside me. "Jackie, three doors down, called to tell me you were sitting out here waiting for her. She went to see Kate, now that she's faced it, she wants her friend back." He sighs and looks at me. "What are you doing here anyway Jameson?"

"I went to the cemetery. I want my future; I don't want to live in a past full of pain." I sigh and put my arms on my legs and let my head fall. "I want my happily ever after with Sam." I look at him and he smiles.

"It's about damn time you realize she's the one. I couldn't stand Mary-Beth." He laughs and I just look at him. Even if she wasn't the nicest person, at one point I loved her.

"I know you were in love with her J, but I knew my sister was the one for you. Remember that time I caught ya'll kissing in the tree house?" He laughs and I blush. Sam was always telling me I was a chicken and I leaned over and kissed her and then asked her who the chicken was. She blushed and Luke made gagging noises. I was ten and Sam was two months shy of nine.

"You're right. I did love Mary-Beth, in the sweet innocent way you first love someone. But the love I have for your sister?" I run my hands through my hair. "That kind of love only happens once in a lifetime. It's bone deep, it's earth shattering, and it's real. It's the kind of love you search for and once you get it, you hold onto it for eternity. You don't do something stupid like I did to lose it." I smile at Luke. "So, when you find that woman, don't you dare be an idiot like I was." I pat his knee and we both stand up.

"Wanna go grab a beer at Lou's? Maybe shoot a game of pool?" Luke asks and I nod.

"Yeah, just let me put this on Sam's door." I grab the poem I saw on the internet the other day. That damn Facebook has everything. It showed up in my news feed from a friend liking the woman's post and it fit Samantha and me perfectly. I only hope that she still feels the same. I grab the paper and the note I wrote and slide it under her door.

Sam, I know you're angry with me, but I did it. I faced my past. I can't lose you too.  I am sorry I wasn't as strong as you are, and I admit that I'm not. I want to be everything you think I am. I want to be the man you want me to be. Please Samantha, let me be that man. I saw this poem and it reminded me of how I feel about you. The lady that wrote it must have known what I felt for you.

NEED

By: Julie Mishler

I need you

I need to feel your arms around me

Pouring your love into me

Making me whole

Touch me

Let your hands

Peruse my body

Piece by piece

And worship me slowly

Kiss me

Let your tongue run all over me

With your fingertips trailing behind

Passionate and fierce

Primeval lust

Fire burning

Desire overwhelming

I'm ready to combust

I long to be with you

To be as one

To connect on

A higher

Deeper

Intense level

Our minds and bodies

Becoming one

No words need to be spoken

Let our bodies do the talking

I am yours

Completely

No inhibitions

No fears

You and I fit together

Like a puzzle piece

Take me as high as can possibly be

Release all the tensions

You've built up in me

No more teasing

Satisfy me

I need you

To touch me

Kiss me

Fill me full of you

Make me whole

I need you

I crave you

I adore you

I love you!

I leave the note for Sam under her door and turn to face Luke. "Let's go drink a beer." I smirk and walk to my car. "You riding with me or meeting me at Lou's?" I ask and climb into my car. I can't help but laugh as his big ass jumps into the front seat of my car.

"Just like high school man." He smiles his toothy grin and I laugh. He was always the funny one.

"So, who are you seeing these days Luke?" I smile and he laughs. For as long as I can remember, he's been extremely quiet about his conquests. There was this one girl in high school, her name was Jolie. She was the one I always thought he'd be with until she moved away.

"Actually, I am interested in this girl. Her name is Skylar. She's got jet black hair and bright blue eyes, and she is beautiful. But she doesn't really know I exist." He shrugs and I chuckle.

"Dude, she knows. You light up a room when you walk into it. Don't let her keep acting like she doesn't know you exist." I smirk and keep driving to the bar.

When we get to Lou's, I order a pitcher of beer and grab a pool table. We carry on and talk when this girl walks into the bar in these short shorts and tank top. You'd think she worked at Hooters with an outfit like that.

"Dude, that's her." Luke looks over my shoulder and I look between him and her. Talk about the kind of girl you don't bring home to momma. I keep telling myself to pick my jaw up off the damn floor, from the shock. But, I just can't do it. "I'll be right back." He smiles and I chug a glass of beer just to relax before he brings her over here.

"Skylar, this is my friend Jameson. Jameson, this is Skylar. We have a couple classes together." He smiles and she blushes.

"It's nice to meet you Skylar." I bend over to shoot the six ball into the right corner pocket of the table.

"You too. I just moved here from Georgia about three weeks ago.  Luke here has been trying to get my attention since day one." She blushes and then looks around the room like she's worried.

"Well, I hear Georgia is very nice." I smile and shoot the one ball into the side pocket of the pool table. I stand and use the chalk cube to prime the stick and lean over to take another shot. I wonder when I will get a phone call from Samantha.

"Hey, I think I am going to call it a night. Skylar can you give Luke a ride back home?" I smirk knowing I just put this chick on the spot.

"Um, sure I can." She looks a little nervous, but I can see she likes Luke, too. Good, he deserves someone, even if she does look a little, well my momma taught me if I couldn't say anything nice, not to say anything at all. So I guess I will listen.

"It was nice to meet you. Luke, text me later." I pat him on the back and walk out of the bar and go home to wait for a call or a visit from Samantha. I just pray that for once I am not too late. I can't take losing someone else over my stupidity of not seeing what's in front of me before it's too late.

#

One week. It has been a whole week since I left that letter on Samantha's door, and she still hasn't returned my phone calls. I keep waiting. I know she is the one for me and I cannot live without having Sam in my life. I love her and I need her. She has made me face my demons and I am actually a lot better off for it. I know that I will never get rid of the guilt from that day, but I feel like I can now be happy. Maybe I can even have a family, if the stubborn woman would call me back.

I am sitting behind the glass counter of the music store when I hear a ding over the door. I look up to see Mary-Beth walking in and I can't help but roll my eyes. She looks good in her fitted tank top and yoga pants. She must be heading to the gym.

"Jameson." She smiles and puts her elbows on the glass.

"Mary-Beth?" I look at her wondering what the hell she's doing here.

"Look, I umm, I'm moving back to Ohio. I was wondering if you wanted to take Maggie? I know I took her and I probably shouldn't have, but I didn't want you to be happy. I wanted you to feel the same way I did. I felt like I was gypped of the happy ending. You, well you weren't you when you came home." She looks at me with those emerald eyes I used to love, and now I realize she really is the bitch everyone said she was. She only thinks of herself.

"Yeah, I'll take Maggie.  I bought her anyway." I look away and run my hand over my face.

"I realize now why we didn't work. I wasn't meant to be yours. I thought I was, but I should have known a very long time ago that I would never be what you wanted. You've looked at Samantha the same way you do now, for years. I am moving away and you get to live your happily ever after." She looks at me sadly and gives me a half smile.

"Yeah, maybe you're right Mary-Beth. I was meant to be with Samantha, but that doesn't mean I didn't love you. You were my world and then you smashed it. I was broken and needed you, and what did you do? You left and broke me even more. Samantha did what she always does. She picked up the pieces and put them back together." I look her in the eyes. She needs to hear this.

"You're right Jameson. I just hope we can still be friends after this." She smiles and I walk around the counter.

"Sure, Mary-Beth. I'm willing to let things go." She walks up to me and throws her arms around me in a hug and pulls me close to her. I, out of habit, wrap my arms around her, not thinking anything of it.

"I really am sorry Jameson. I couldn't deal with the stress, but it never meant that I didn't love you. I never stopped." She smiles and before I know what is going on, she has her lips on mine.

That's when I hear a gasp. I rip my lips from Mary-Beth and look up just in time to see Sam walking quickly out the door of my shop.

I look at Mary-Beth with pure hate on my face. "What the fuck are you doing Mary-Beth?" I am so livid I could kill her. I could seriously wrap my hands around her neck and break it or choke her.

"I'm miserable without you Jameson. I know I let you go, but if I can't be with you, I won't let you be with the one person who has always been my competition." She smirks and looks at me. "And, I'm taking Maggie with me to Ohio, so you're not getting her either." She smiles and walks out the door.

I am grateful that I have the training I do to keep me from mouthing off, or pulling out my knife and really stabbing that bitch in the back.

An hour later, Luke comes storming into the shop. I have tried to call Sam and I keep getting her voicemail. This is not looking good for me. When Luke's veins come popping out of his throat, you know you're in trouble. "Your ass is grass, Carter," he growls out and punches me right in the eye. Okay, he hit me first.

"It's not what you think damn it!" I growl out not wanting to punch him but he comes at me again. I love Luke, but he is not about to beat my ass. I block his next punch and ram my knee into his stomach. Guess he forgot I have titanium for legs when he walked in here and wanted to threaten me.

He's on the ground and trying to catch his breath. "Low blow," he huffs out and I smirk.

"Like I told you, it isn't what it looked like." I walk over him and lock the door to the shop. I go and sit on my ass beside him and wait until the coloring in his face goes from red to normal.

"What do you mean? How can it not be what it looked like? Sam saw you kissing Mary-Beth! I'll fucking kill you!" he growls as he starts to sit up and reach for me again.

"Luke, she did that shit on purpose. Mary-Beth came to tell me she was leaving, and that she knew Sam was always the one I'd end up with. She asked if we could be friends, so I said yeah I forgave her. She hugged me and then next thing I know she has her lips on mine as Sam's walking in the door." I let out a strangled sound. I was so close to getting her back and she just walked out the damn door again.

"Dude, you're serious aren't you?" He looks at me; the question on his face couldn't be mistaken. I just put my head in my hands and groan.

"Yeah, now how will I make it right?" I stand up when I hear a knock on the door and notice that it's Anna. I walk over to the door, unlocking it as pushes through it to hug me.

"Jameson, I am so sorry!" She cries softly into my shoulder. "She's my best friend, but I just can't talk to her anymore. What she did was wrong." She pulls away and wipes her eyes.

"I know it's not your fault Anna, but Sam saw what she did." She looks at my face and then walks into the back and gets a bottle of water.

"Put that on your eye. I guess Luke got in a good punch?" I smile and she laughs a little. "He really didn't do it this time, Luke." She looks at me apologetically. "I should have known she'd try this." She looks down and I can't help but speak.

"You didn't know she'd do this though." I put my hand on her arm and I realize that Anna really is a good person. What made her want to be friends with a girl like Mary-Beth, I will never know. Anna is kind and soft spoken, while Mary-Beth is vindictive and opinionated. Anna is the yin to Mary-Beth's yang.

"But I should have seen it coming. Mary-Beth has always, and I mean always, disliked Sam. I never understood why because Sam never had a mean bone in her body. But I get it now." She looks over at Luke and then at me and twirls a piece of her auburn hair in her fingers.

Luke and I both look at each other confused. "What do you get? I am so lost in this conversation," Luke says while scratching his dirty blonde hair.

"Mary-Beth, she has always been jealous of Sam, because of your friendship. It was easy, never forced. Remember when you first met Mary-Beth? She was a bitch to you. You never had that relationship with her that you had with Sam. It's like Fate made Sam for you." She looks at me and then to Luke.

"You're right Anna, Mary-Beth was a bitch, and I went after her because she was what I couldn't have. But, I never had those feelings for Sam back then. Mary-Beth was the only person I saw, until well... until I came home." I look down and back up to see Luke texting.

"Sorry about your eye Carter." He smirks, and I chuckle. His ass isn't sorry; he has always tried to land a punch on me since we were kids.

"Sorry about the metal to your gut." I slap his back and he coughs a little.

"Well dude, at least it wasn't my nuts. I want kids one day; a day that is very far away." He smirks and smiles at Anna. "I'm off to meet Skylar. You two be good and I'll talk to Sam. Just let her come to you. She has to calm down. I should have known you wouldn't go back to Mary-Beth." He puts his hand in a fist and holds it in the air waiting for me to bump mine against it. I comply and he turns to walk out of the shop. He walks with a bit of a pep in his step. I laugh and he turns to look at me. "What?" He looks around confused. "Am I bleeding or something? Got something on my back?" I laugh a little harder.

"Nah man, you just got them moves like Jagger." I laugh again and Anna looks at me and then Luke and starts laughing, too.

"Ha, you're right Jameson! He does have some moves like Jagger with that walk!" We both laugh and Luke just gets mad.

"Whatever!" He smiles. "You're just jealous 'cause you can't do it." He sticks his tongue out and walks out of the store.

"I am sorry about Mary-Beth. I knew she was mean sometimes, but this really is a new low. I'll talk to Sam if you want." Anna puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles.

"Thanks Anna, but it's time for me to be a man. Sam will come around; I'll make sure of it." I smile and start to contemplate ways to make Sam come back to me.

"With that look you have on your face, I'm going to leave you to your conniving." She grabs her purse off the floor where she dropped it and smiles. "I know she's my best friend, but I never thought she was good enough for you. Sam is the one that belongs with you." She turns and her hazel eyes meet mine. "If you ever, and I do mean ever, repeat that I will cut you." She smirks and turns to leave. "Or Blake will." She shrugs and leaves the store.

Conniving... is that what I am doing? Well, yes. Yes it is. I am going to be sneaky, and conniving, and I am going to win Samantha back. I am going to start right now.

The bell dings again and in walks Roger. Well, hell. I suppose I will start after I order the man's piano.

"Jameson, I wanted to talk to you about something." He sits down at the counter. I smile and look at him, wondering what my mother has done now.

"Sure thing Mr. Roger, what can I do for you?" I go to sit then stop and look at him. "Would you like a drink? Water, Coke, coffee?"

"No, come on over here and sit down." He looks a little nervous. What in the hell is going on?

"Mr. Roger, you can tell me anything. As long as you didn't kill or hurt my mother." I smile and he looks up at me and smiles.

"Definitely did not kill your mother, and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt Jennifer." He rubs his hand on his neck and grimaces a little. Oh shit, that's the same kind of nervous I was when I asked John if I could marry Mary-Beth. Is he about to ask me if he can marry my mom?

"Jameson, I know it has only been a little over a month since I met your mother and we started seeing each other, but I love her." He starts to continue but I hold a hand up to halt him.

"My mother has been through heartache and loss. She is a strong woman, and she deserves happiness. She deserves to have what she had with my father again.  He left her too soon, and I have not seen her this happy since before he passed. So if you're asking me if you have my permission, of course you do." I get up and pat him on the back but he pulls me into him and hugs me.

"Thank you, I want to make your mother the happiest person in the world." He stands and smiles. "Would you like to be there?"

"I think you'd better do that alone. Do it somewhere romantic; my mother is a rather private person." I pat his back as he stands to leave.

"You are definitely right about that, son. I think my Will would have loved Jennifer." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"I know he would have loved my mother. I wish he was here to see it. We really could have been brothers." I smile and walk out the door with Roger to go and win back my woman; but before I go win her back I need to make a pit stop of my own. 

#

I take a deep breath and wait for Sam to come out of work. Leaning against her car door probably isn't the smartest thing I could do, but it prevents her from driving off. I smile when I see her walk out wearing those god awful purple scrubs with the hot pink trim. She looks up and spots me. I can see the instant scowl, but she is determined to not let me bother her.

"Move. Now," she says between clenched teeth.

"Not until you listen to what I have to say Samantha." I smile knowing I am getting under her skin. I love this part of our relationship. We have been this way since we were kids. I would do something to piss her off and she would scream and throw a tantrum. I want the tantrum; I want to evoke some kind of emotion in her, because as long as I have some kind of emotion, it means she still cares.

"Jameson, Luke and Anna have both talked to me until they are blue in the face. I don't care. I know what I saw. It is something I can never unsee." She looks away and then back at me. "So move." She starts to walk towards me like she really thinks I am going to move.

"Sam, I am not moving," I say through gritted teeth. If she wants to be a bitch then I'll be an ass, and an even bigger ass. "If you want to know the truth then ask me. Don't run like some scared little bitch with her tail between her legs. I'm surprised you didn't punch Mary-Beth yourself." She laughs a little.

"I wanted to, but then at the time I didn't think you were worth it." I exhale like I've been punched. Hell a punch may have been a lot better than what I just felt. "How would you have felt if we were fighting, and you come to see me all over Paul at work?"

"You're mine, Sam," I growl and grab her to me, branding her with my lips. I have never had the feelings I have for Samantha for anyone else, and I am not letting what I have go, without a fight. I give her a cocky grin when we pull apart, her eyes hooded and her lips slightly swollen from my kiss. She looks, well damn it, she looks pretty hot right now.

"Jameson, I am not! What the hell is this? When did you become Mr. Alpha male? Just so you know, the last time I checked your name wasn't Christian Grey." Wait, what? Did she really just compare me to a damn crazy man in a book? Why do I know who he is?

"You're damn right my name isn't Christian Grey. Have you seen who that dude was made after?" I chuckle and she slaps my arm.

"We can talk at your house. I'll meet you there." She pushes me out of the way and I move this time. I walk away from her Honda, making my way to my Mustang a few feet from her. I slide into the seat and the car roars to life as I turn the ignition. I pull my Ray-Bans down from my head to my eyes and then put the car into drive. After ten minutes, I am back in my townhome and I look around waiting for Sam. Sure enough, she comes pulling up into her spot right after. I wonder if I should ask her tonight or wait until another night.

I watch as Sam gets out of her car and pulls a bag from the backseat. I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. She knew she would be coming back today.

"Get that shit eatin' grin off your face, Carter. Just because I have a bag doesn't mean I'm staying. We still have a lot to talk about." She pats my chest and starts to walk to the door. She turns to look at me as I follow her, then unlock it.

"Hey, did you watch that girl who's missing both her legs on Dancing with the Stars?" I ask her. I had heard about the girl from mom and I looked her up on YouTube. That girl was pretty amazing. She snowboards and can dance like it isn't hard to do. She inspires me.

"Actually I did because I've met her. She does inspirational speeches as well. She's been to the office." She smiles and bites her lip.

"Sam," I rasp out and she looks at me startled. Then the light clicks in her eyes and she quickly removes her lip from its captive; but not before she runs her tongue over it. "Sam! UGH! You're killing me Smalls!" I huff. Walking into the house, I turn to look at her when I hear the giggling.

"Wow, you really may be more like Mr. Grey than I thought. Please don't tell me you're into that kinky shit. The whips and chains and tying up?" Her nose wrinkles a little at that and I can't help but laugh.

"Samantha Lynn, do you want me to tie you to my bed like a caveman?" I stand up and walk over to her as I notice her chest rises faster. "Oh my, you naughty girl, you do." I chuckle as one side of my lip curves up into a smirk.

"NO! No I don't. That isn't for me, especially after well..." she trails off and I immediately pull her to me. I forgot about the experience she had, and I couldn't imagine being bound by someone else's hands and used.

"Baby, I was only teasing.  I would never in a million years want to tie you up. Now I may want to put you over my knee and spank your sexy ass for not listening to me or calling me back when you found out the truth. But no, I would never do that. I am not into that, at all." I kiss her forehead and she scrunches her face again.

"You are still not off the hook, mister! I'm still angry with you!" She looks up at me and bites her lip, and I can't help it. She knows she is doing it. I groan and wrap my fingers into her hair and pull my lips to hers. She moans and that's all I need.

"Wrap your legs around my hips Sam." She jumps up and does as I ask. It's been far too long since we had this. I need this woman more than I need the air to breathe. I push her back against the wall and I slide my tongue into her mouth, tasting the sweet essence of Sam. She tastes of chocolate peppermints, which is funny because growing up she hated anything minty. I moan into her lips and slide my hands up her scrub top to her stomach, over her belly button and up until they graze the underside of her tits. I moan into her mouth, both of us breathing heavily.

I pull away, breathing in a lung full of air; my chest rising and falling fast and hard. "Sam, if you don't want this, tell me now. If I keep going, we aren't going to stop." I watch her eyes as I wait for her answer but she doesn't say anything. Instead, she grabs the back of my head and pulls my lips back down to hers. That's all the invitation I need. I pull at the edge of her top and lift it over her head.

I lean down and kiss the tops of her smooth tits, over the silky curve. I meet her eyes as my hand slides up and pull down the cup of her black lace bra and pull her pink hardened nipple into my mouth. I moan and swirl my tongue around it before softly biting down. I revel in the fact that she starts bucking against the wall. I pull the other cup down and repeat the same extensive exam of her nipple with my tongue.

Her hands are in my hair and I groan as she pulls my head up and attacks my lips with her own. We both are losing control and I know if I don't try to slow it down, this will be over before it has even begun. Our eyes meet as she bites that damn lip again.

I pull her hair into my hands and kiss her as I turn and carry her to our room. I am going to do the best I can to make sure this woman never leaves me again. I put her on the bed and slowly pull those scrub pants and that sexy little barely there lace G-string down her legs. She lifts her hips to help me. Then I slowly untie her tennis shoes and take them off her feet. I snatch the scrubs off her feet as she laughs, and I look at her then bite my own lip. She moans and I chuckle... "Good. Now you know what it does to me."

I lean down and run my hands up her smooth legs and thighs. I look at her and kneel on the floor. I grab her behind her knees and pull her to the edge of the bed. "God Sam, I have been missing this. I can't get enough of how you taste. It's the sweetest taste in the world." I lean down and run my tongue over her swollen lips.

"Jameson!" She jerks a bit and I smile, it's nice to know that I am the only person who has made her feel pleasure like this. The bastards that took that from her should be six feet under. As that thought runs through my head I growl causing her to she jump.

"Sorry." I meet her eyes and wink then go back to licking her clit. I moan as she arches into me.  I swirl my tongue into her entrance and lap at the sweet nectar that's dripping out of her. Damn, she tastes so good. I could do this all day, every day and never get bored.

"Jameson!" She sits up really quick. "Listen." I stop and lick my lips, listening. That's when I hear it. Someone is knocking on the door. That better not be my mother.

"SAM!! OPEN THE DOOR NOW!" It's Luke and he sounds scared to death. I get up and throw Sam her clothes.

"Put those on, I'll go see what he wants." I walk to the front of the house adjusting my damn dick. Wait until I see him with Skylar; I am going to cockblock him so fucking bad.

I open the door and he looks at me with fear in his eyes. "Where is she?" He looks around and then down. "Oh, shit. Sorry." He blushes and walks in.

"Yeah, your ass should be. We were making up." I smile and he makes a gagging sound.

"She needs to hear this." He looks up as she walks out. It takes her one glance to realize something isn't okay.

"What is it? Is momma okay?" She looks at him and then at me. I shrug because I have no clue.

"Sammy, sit down." He pats the couch next to him and I know this isn't going to be good. "They got out today, on good behavior," he says and her face goes pale.

"WHAT?" I roar, pissed because I know exactly who 'they' are. "I'm going to kill them all!" I jump up and walk around the room.

"What do you mean? They got out? How?" Sam barely speaks louder than a whisper. Her hair is in her face and I can't see what she's thinking, but I can tell she's crying. I walk over to her and put my arm on her shoulder. She shakes off my arm and stands up. "I, I have to go." She starts to reach for the keys and Luke takes them.

"You're not going anywhere Sam, at least not without me." He puts his hands on her shoulders and starts to pull her towards him in a hug.

"GET OFF ME!" She starts to thrash into his arms, and Luke and I both stare at each other. "Please, just let me go. I can't be around anyone right now. I'm going to go home. I'll call Jameson as soon as I am ready to see someone. Please, just please let me be alone." Luke lets her go and she runs out of the house and gets into her car then drives off.

I look at Luke not sure what I can do. "Get in the car," I say to Luke and we both storm out of the house. I get into the car and put it into first and start following Sam. Once we see that she's home, I turn and make my way to the Courthouse.

"What are you doing, Carter?" Luke asks as I turn into a parking spot at the court house. I just get out of the car. Why do I need to explain? He already knows exactly what I am doing. I see Mason pulling up on two wheels beside us, and I know for sure Luke knows what I'm doing. No one is going to hurt my girl and get away with it.

"I need to speak to the judge." I look up and see Karla, one of the girls we went to high school with.

"Jameson, I wish I could let you in there, but I can't." She looks at me sympathetically behind her square shaped glasses. Her brown eyes are filling with tears. "I feel awful for what happened. I saw Sam's name on the file before I gave it to the judge. I don't think they should have been let out. There is nothing we can do." She looks down and then looks up at Mason and shrugs. He pats her hand, and I wonder what is going on with ole Mase and Karla.

"Thanks anyway. I mean Karla shouldn't they have been given another trial or a parole meeting? Shouldn't she have been able to fight it?" We all stand there looking for answers.

"I didn't tell you this, but they come from rich families. The kind where someone says jump and you say how high." She sighs and looks at us. "So, no.  I don't think there is a chance to keep them in jail." She wipes at a tear and then smiles. "I need to take the next people. I'll call you later Mason and I will let you know what I can." She waves at us then looks at the lady behind us. "Can I help you ma'am?" She gives me a sad smile as I turn and walk to the door.

"Well Mason, you gonna explain that?" Luke pats Mason on the back and stares at him waiting for a response.

"What? Karla? There isn't anything going on. We're just friends." He blushes a little and I laugh.

"Nope. Definitely more than friends." I elbow him in the ribs and we walk until my phone starts to ring.

"That's Sam. I'll see you guys later." I turn to Luke, remembering he rode with me, but he just smiles. "Shit."

"Go, I'll ride with ole' Mase. I've got to find out the dirt on him and ole four eyed Karla." He smirks and I swear I hear Mason growl. Just friends my ass.

I use the key Sam gave me and walk into her apartment. I see Sam huddled on the couch. I immediately walk over to her and lift her into my lap. I rub her arms and try to soothe her.

"Baby, I'm here and I promise you those bastards will never ever touch you again. I will kill any one of them that tries. Do you hear me Sam? I will put a bullet between their eyes." I rock her and she grabs my shirt sobbing into it.

"Jameson." Her grip on my shirt tightens as she breaks down. Her shoulders are shaking with such force I'm afraid she's going to break something.  I can't seem to make them slow down. I am at a loss just waiting for her to continue on with what is going on in her head. "I, I don't know what to do. I mean, these people, they took from me, something I can never get back. They, they deserve to rot in jail." Her eyes look up to meet mine, and I am met with a stormy gray; like a cloud when the storm is approaching, dark and dreary. The look in her eyes scares me. This is not my Sam. This is the Sam that went through something she doesn't believe will ever go away.

I smile and wipe some of her tears away, and then kiss her nose. "Sam. Those men do deserve to rot in jail, you're right about that. But if there is one thing I can be sure of and I can promise you. It's that those men will never ever set foot near you again. I will kill them." I grab her head and pull her to me so she knows that I mean business.

"I love you," she whispers and grabs my neck and kisses me. She puts everything she has into this kiss and I know exactly what she is trying to do. I unwrap her hands from my neck and pull her off my lap and sit her down. "What are you doing?" She looks at me, her head cocked to the side a little, in confusion.

"Baby, I know you're trying to take your mind off of what's going on. I just can't do that right now. Not with you in the state you happen to be in right now." I wince after I say that because I know it's going to be a fight. The blue in Sam's eyes is non-existent right now; all that's left is anger and sadness.

"MY STATE?" She stands up and storms towards me, her sadness replaced with rage. "You'd better have a damn good explanation for that Jameson Nathan!" She hits me in the chest and I let out a grunt.

"I just meant that you're upset at the moment." She hits me again and I grab her hands. "Dammit Sam! It's not that I don't want you, but forgetting isn't what you need to do. You need to be ready to fight these bastards if a hearing comes about. You need to be calling the courts and making a stink because they didn't have a hearing or give you notice before they let these assholes back out into the world." I look her in the eyes and watch her reaction.

"You're right, but Jameson." She looks at me frightened. "What if they find out about Isabella?" Her face pales and she falls to the floor. "Oh, God! I can't let them find out about her." I sit beside her and grab her face, making her look at me.

"Sam, even if they do, there is not a damn thing they can do to her. They raped you. Do you honestly think they would have a chance in court trying to get her?" I make her look at me because she knows I'm right. She is just trying to find the worst possible outcome for the situation. But the only outcome I see is Sam getting over her fears, because I will kill them if they try to touch her ever again.

"You're right. I just want to go to bed now. Will you stay with me please?" She stands up and I get up with her. I follow her to the bedroom and I pull off my t-shirt and jeans as she changes into a tank top and pajama bottoms. I pull the duvet back off the bed and I wait for Sam to climb in. Once she gets in, I slide in behind her and wrap my arm around her waist. Her shoulders are tense, but at least they aren't forcefully shaking from the sobs that ripped through her earlier.

She takes my hand and wraps hers inside mine, intertwining our fingers. "I love you, Jameson." She sighs and turns her head closer to her pillow, just about to fall asleep.

"I love you too, Samantha." I kiss the back of her head and just hold her until she finally dozes off.

I wake up the next morning and slip out of bed before Sam does. I walk over to the phone and notice there are about fifteen messages from Luke, Mason, and Blake. I text each of them the same message _meet us at the bowling alley at twelve._ I walk into the kitchen in just my black boxer briefs and start making Sam some waffles. I grab the peanut butter chocolate chips out of the drawer she hides them in and pour them into the batter I made. I reach down and grab the waffle iron out of the bottom of the drawer and stand up to see a very sexy and rather rumpled Samantha.

"Morning." She walks over, slides her arms around my hips and stands on her tip toes to kiss me. "You should wear shorts more often. You should be proud of the scars you bear. It will be another step in the healing process for you. Also, it will show people you are strong." She smiles and kisses me again before walking over to the batter. "Mmmm, peanut butter waffles? My favorite!" She eats a peanut butter morsel off the counter and then starts a pot of coffee.

"I may just wear some shorts today then. If that will help you take your mind off of everything." I smile and grab the bowl and the whisk, mixing it again before pouring the batter into the waffle iron. I finish the waffles and then sit two in front of Sam. I watch as she pours the syrup on the pancakes and then takes a bite.

"Mmmm, and yes, seeing you be proud of what you are will make me extremely happy Jameson. You have nothing, and I mean nothing, to be ashamed of. You almost died to help people like them be free. You should be proud of your wounds, and you should let others see what you gave up. Maybe then, they may care about more people around them." She smiles at me but what she doesn't know is that she has just pissed me off.

I know she didn't mean it that way, but she did. She has a point though. I volunteered to protect people like the ones that ruin sweet innocent people, people who take advantage of others. Why don't they send people like Sam's rapists to war? People who want to hurt and kill? I signed up for it, but I would never intentionally kill someone, unless it was to defend myself. Let me tell you, there were times when we had to defend ourselves. Times like when a six year old boy would come up to you with a bomb attached to him. You would have no choice but to put a bullet in his head.

You're taught it's either your life or theirs, and I am not willing to lose my life so easily. I eat in silence and Sam just sits there chewing away on her waffles, oblivious to the turmoil I am fighting in my head.

"Jameson, did you hear me?" I snap my head in her direction and see her staring at me like I have gone mad.

"Huh?" I shake my thoughts and smile as I take the last bite of my waffle.

"I asked you what you had planned for the day." She runs her fingers through her blonde hair and licks the last of the syrup off her lip.

"It's a surprise, so go get ready. We need to be somewhere at twelve." I kiss the top of her head and then begin clearing the dishes. I start to load the dishwasher when I feel Sam's hand on my ass.

"I can't get ready when you're taunting me with this sexy thing." She bites her lip and that's all it takes. I grab her and she jumps up wrapping her legs around my waist. Thank God I have good balance on these damn prosthetics. I kiss her lips as I make my way back to her bedroom. Ever since I found out those men were let out, I have wanted to sink myself so deep inside of her. It's like I feel a need to mark her, to let everyone know that she belongs to me. I suppose it's time to put that ring on her finger.

#

Walking into the bowling alley with Sam is something that reminds me of old times. Before Mary-Beth and I got together, Sam, Luke and I would frequent this place a lot. Galactic bowling was the best kind of thing for any fifteen year old. It was like going to the club for teenagers.

"What are we doing here Jameson?" I just smile and keep pulling her hand behind me. We walk over to the rest of the gang and I can't help but laugh as Mason and Luke stare at me.

"Dude, this is the first time I have seen those things in public." Luke smirks and runs his hand through his hair. I look over and see that Skylar is sitting there staring at my legs and then trying to look away when I notice. The funny thing is I should feel embarrassed but I don't. I am going to embrace it; it's me and I can't do a damn thing to change it.

"Yeah, well this woman once told me I shouldn't hide my flaws." I smirk and look over at Sam as Luke pulls her into a hug.

"Smart woman she is." He kisses her head and then pulls her over to Skylar. "Sam, this is my girlfriend Skylar. Skylar, this is my sister Sam." He blushes a little as Skylar stands.

"Girlfriend? Hell, I need to make it home for family dinners more often." Sam smiles and pulls Skylar into a hug. "It's nice to meet you. Let me know if he is anything less than a gentleman. I'll kick him in his balls for you." Skylar laughs and Sam smiles. At least now she is in a good mood, her mind so far from those men that took a big piece of her.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you too. Luke adores you. I wish my sister and I were close like you two." She lets out a sigh and Luke rubs her shoulder. I wonder what that's about.

"Well, your sister is just a bitch. It's not your fault, Sky. Things will work out for the best, I promise." He kisses the top of her head, much like he did with Sam a few minutes before. Skylar keeps looking at me and then away and I know she wants to ask.

"You can ask. I see the questions in your eyes." She blushes and then gives me a shy smile.

"Luke already told me. I just, well you move so well on them. My father had diabetes and lost one of his legs a few years ago. You can tell he has a fake leg. With you, if you were wearing jeans, I would never know." She blushes and I hear Mase yelling as Karla gets a strike.

"Good job, Karla!" Sam yells and Karla does some little dance thing. Yeah, still don't see Karla and Mason together.

I walk over to the lane and start to change my shoes on my prosthetics and then go to find the perfect ball. I used to have my own ball but I think I left it at Mom's and there is no telling where that thing is now. Jennifer is a hoarder; she hasn't thrown away anything that I know of. I don't know where that comes from and I don't know how my father dealt with that being a Marine. Everything has to be spotless. Have you ever seen those hoarder shows? How can it be spotless when you don't get rid of anything?

I watch Sam interacting with the girls and I realize she is the same girl from high school. She always went out of her way to make people feel comfortable. There is just some ray of light that shines around her. She said a while back that she was a fallen angel and in this moment I can believe it. She is my angel, my saving grace, and I will make sure to be hers.

"So, how is she today?" Luke comes up beside me and asks me as he rests his hand on my shoulder. He watches Sam like at any moment she will break down again. It kind of rubs me wrong, because Sam is strong. I let it go though, because he's her brother. She is, after all, his baby sister. I know if I had a sibling, I would be overprotective too.

"She's a lot better this morning. I made peanut butter pancakes." I smile and he rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue a few times.

"She's gonna turn into peanut butter if she keeps eating it so much." He looks at me and smirks. Oh shit, he knows something. "So, Dad told me you came by the other day." Damn it, I knew he knew. I take a big gulp, my Adam's apple bobbing as I wait for him to continue. "I'm glad it's you, Carter. I always thought she would end up with you and I was right. She has needed you, ever since we were little. You two gravitated toward each other." He smiles and pats my back again. "But Jameson, if you ever hurt her, I will cut you." I laugh. Not even a small chuckle, but a full on belly laugh that makes me bend over and my sides hurt. I know I shouldn't laugh, but really? Cut me?

"Sorry, but dude cut me? What the hell is that?" I say through fits of laughter. Sam, Skylar, Mase and Karla are all staring at us like we have lost our minds, and maybe I have lost mine. Really though it's Luke because he said 'cut you'. I laugh harder and I actually have tears running down my face.

"Shut the hell up, Carter." Luke punches me in my arm and goes to bowl. We play a few games each with the guys beating the girls. After we are done, I smile and pull Sam to the car.

"Where are we going now?" Sam asks and I smile. I kiss her softly, then put her in the car and close the door behind her. I run over to the driver side and slide in. "I like that you wore your shorts today. I am proud of you and your scars." She blushes and grabs my hand sliding her fingers between mine. If I am lucky, there will be a ring on that finger in about three hours.

"I thought we could go to the beach?" I look over at her and her eyes light up.

"Biloxi?" she asks and I smile. Ever since we were kids, Sam and I loved the beach at Biloxi. I don't really know why because it's not pretty blue like Destin, but it's close to home and it's a childhood memory that feels like home to us.

"Yes ma'am. I got us a room at the Beau for the evening and figured we could hit the beach tomorrow?" I smile and look over at her as she bounces up and down in her seat.

"Let's go home! I have to pack a bag!" She smiles and her eyes light up. I think we can finally put the guys getting out behind us. Please God, don't let any more bad news come our way.

"It's already in the trunk." I look at her, smiling as I see her face. She is bouncing with excitement and I am glad that I can give her this. She reaches for the radio and I groan. Here we go again. This woman's singing is so monotone that it is painful. .

"What?" She glares at me. "Oh, you are dreading two and half hours of me singing at the top of my lungs, aren't you?" She raises an eyebrow and I copy her movement. She stares and then gives me a very smug looking grin. "Well, just for that groan, it is going to be very bad for you." She grabs her phone and plugs it into the adapter cord and holy shit she is really doing this to me. _Genie in a Bottle_ comes on by Christina Aguilera.

I can't help but laugh at the carefree Sam sitting beside me. Twelve hours ago, she was breaking down into my shirt. Today, she is laughing and having a good time. This is what I needed her to be. Even if that means horrible nineties pop the whole way to my proposal.

"If it makes you happy Samantha, I will gladly do it." I grab her hand and kiss it, then laugh as she pulls away and does the genie in the bottle move that made Christina popular. Well, before being dirty did anyway. I didn't care for innocent Christina, but damn when _Dirrty_ came out, she was all over my wall.

"It does." She sighs and looks out the window and then smiles at me. Today couldn't get any worse for us, I hope. It will only suck if she says no.

An hour later and a horrible playlist of music, we finally reach the Beau Rivage. We get out and before she can start to make her way into the casino, I grab her hand and pull her to the beach.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." I smile and look over to see the sun starting to set. I hope the guy at the hotel did what I asked. We walk up to the pier he told me would be set up and sure enough, there are candles every few feet and rose petals on the ground. Red, pink, and white petals line the pier and Sam stops me.

"Jameson, we can't go here. This is set up for someone." She starts to pull me away and I laugh. I just tug her hand and pull her to the pier not saying a word. We get to the end of it and I smile as I see the dinner that's been set up. I pull out a chair for her and she gasps. "You sneaky bastard!" The grin on her face is enough for me to know that I've done this right.

"I wanted to do something nice for you. You have had a rough week, babe." I smirk knowing this has been planned for a few weeks. I know she's the woman I want beside me for the rest of my life and I will fight for her. I won't let her walk away from me again. I need her as much as the air that I'm breathing.

"Jameson, this is amazing. I can't believe you did this for me. No one has ever done anything this nice." She blushes and then looks at me. "Except you. Remember that time when we were ten?" Her grayish blue eyes meet mine and I duck my head. I could never forget that.

"I do. What was it, a Ring Pop?" I laugh softly, smiling coyly because I do indeed have a ring pop in my pocket. Back when we were ten, I didn't know at the time that a Ring Pop wasn't proper etiquette to propose to a girl. Crazy that at ten, my heart knew Samantha Blalock would be the one I shared my future with; the woman I wanted to see round and pregnant with my children inside her. The woman who would heal me and return me to the man I was, instead of the bitter man I had become.

"Mmhmm." She smiles and picks up her wine glass and takes a sip. I get up and walk over to her, kneel down on one knee and pull out a watermelon Ring Pop and her eyes widen. "Carter, what are you doing?" She just stares at me. Well, here goes nothing.

"Samantha Lynn, you have made my life better. Hell, you have made me a better man. You made me whole again. I thought I would never be happy again, and I'll be damned if you didn't walk back into my life and change my thinking. I can't imagine a day without you now. The days we were apart were hell for me and I never want to go through that again." She starts to choke up and her hands are shaking, but I can't stop. "When I was ten I asked you to marry me. Back then, I didn't know what that meant. Now I do. It means waking up to your beautiful bed head every day for the rest of my life. It means getting to hold you before bed every night. Please Sam, let me live that life. It's my fantasy. Please. Will you marry me?" I hold my breath and wait for her answer and she squeals.

"Yes! YES! Jameson." She gets down on the floor with me and kisses me. I laugh and slide the pink Ring Pop on her finger. "Um." She looks at me, causing me to chuckle. I know she is referring to her real ring, but I think I will let her sweat it out a little. I kiss her softly and then she stands up. I give her that crooked grin that always makes her jump me.

"Sam." I reach into my pocket and pull out the emerald cut diamond ring. It's two and a half karats and has a band of diamonds around the setting. I watch her as her eyes take in the sight of the ring and start to mist over with unshed tears.

"Jameson, it's, it's beautiful." She smiles and then kisses me like it's the last time she ever will. She covers my face with little pecks and then ends up right back on my mouth again. I pick her up and carry her to the hotel, which I may add is kind of hard in steel legs and sand.

We get to the room, I lay her on the bed and start to kiss her as I unbutton her pants and slide them down. This is about the two of us. We will take our time this time. I work her pants down her legs and kiss her deeper as we both tear at each other's clothing.

"Jameson, please I need you," she moans out and then kisses me again. When she begs, I'm gone. So much for slow and steady; looks like the hare is going to win the race this time around. The tortoise will just have to win round number two.

"I love you, Samantha." I moan into her open lips as I slide my dick between her intoxicating heat. I will never get tired of this with Samantha. She is my everything and coming together like we are, is like coming home. For years I wondered where I belong. It was the main reason I joined the Marines. Now, feeling Sam this way, I know she is where I belong. I will spend every day of my life earning my spot beside her.

"Jameson. Please baby, don't stop," she breathes out as she wraps her legs around my ass, locking her ankles behind me, connecting us for this intimate moment.

"I'm not planning on it babe." I smirk and grab her thigh and start to speed up my thrusts. My mouth reaches down and takes her pebbled nipple into my mouth and I bite down softly. I groan as she lets out a strangled moan. It gives me immense pleasure knowing that Sam is as turned on as I am. In the distance I can hear my phone vibrating but I ignore it. Tonight is about Sam and I, and whoever is calling can wait.

"I can't wait to become Mrs. Jameson Carter."

"I can't wait for it either baby." I kiss her cheek and smile as she stares lovingly at the ring on her finger. I knew the minute I saw it that it would be her ring. I never got that feeling with Mary-Beth. I bought her a ring that I knew she would like. It was never a compulsion to have it on her finger. It was the right thing to do. What the fuck am I doing? Why is Mary-Beth crossing my mind when I should be reveling in the fact that this beautiful goddess has agreed to be my woman?

Sam's mouth opens in a cute little yawn and I smirk. "It's time for bed beautiful. It's been a long day for you." She just nods her head in agreement. I hear a buzz again in the distance but I don't worry about it. Tonight is not for anyone else, tonight is about Sam and me. I reach down and pull off my prosthetics, setting them beside the bed in case I need to get up in the middle of the night. Then I reach for Sam and pull her into my arms. A pang of sadness spreads through my chest as I realize I will never be able to have my legs intertwined with Samantha. She doesn't seem to let that affect her, but in a way, it affects me.

Something just feels off. I chalk it up to me just being antsy about not being everything Sam needs me to be. Finally, about an hour after Sam has fallen asleep, my eyes close and I doze off. Tonight couldn't have been any more perfect for me. 

#

I wake up to Sam shaking my shoulder softly. "Baby, you need to wake up. Something is wrong." I sit up immediately and I can see she's been crying.

"What? What's the matter?" I look into her eyes and rub the pads of my thumbs over her cheeks to get the tears to stop.

"You, you need to call Johnson. I'm going to go get some breakfast. You will need to be alone for this." She looks at me sadly and then gets up and leaves the room. What in the hell is going on? I grab my phone and I notice that there are fifteen missed calls, and twenty-five texts. I ignore them all and I dial Blake.

"Hello?"

"Dude, what the hell is going on?"

"Where are you, Carter?"

"I'm with Sam, in Biloxi." I am immediately concerned that something has happened to Anna or maybe someone he is close to.

"Are you sitting down?" The tone of his voice has me on edge.

"Just spit it out already," I snap. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it. What the fuck is going on around there?

"Jameson, it's Mary-Beth," he says in a voice so sullen I begin to worry. I shouldn't care but for six years she was my everything.

"What about her?" I grip the sheets, and now I realize why Sam has left. She is afraid of my reaction. She is afraid she will see me express something for Mary-Beth. There is nothing left for me to feel.

"Jameson, she's killed herself." His words play in my mind over and over. "Anna and I tried to stop her, but we didn't get there in time. I kicked the door in and the moment it opened she pulled the trigger." I can hear the haunted sound of his voice. I grab my cell phone and replay what he just said, over and over. "Jameson?"

"I'm here." I sit there stunned. I replay all my years with Mary-Beth and wonder what on earth made her take her own life? I can't begin to even contemplate what was going through her mind. I cannot cry; I don't have it in me. Am I really this heartless? I loved her at one point. When she wasn't a monster set out to ruin everyone. What happened to make her want to kill herself? "Why?" My whole body shakes as I wait for the words.

"I honestly don't know. We talked to Garrett and he is distraught. He said she was depressed but he didn't know it was like this." Garrett? Who was that? Had she finally moved on? I am happy that she had someone, but I am devastated that she felt she had to end her life.

"Garrett?"

"Yeah, he had been seeing Mary-Beth for about four months now. It wasn't broadcast to everyone. Mary-Beth wanted it to be a secret, but Anna knew though." He sighs. "Dude, can you just come home? I know you proposed, but I need you here. Anna needs you here."

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, as soon as Sam comes back I will."

"Wait! Sam's not there with you?" Blake sounds confused and I let out a chuckle.

"Would Anna be if you found out Lizzie shot herself?" I wait for an answer. He lets out a gruff laugh.

"Touché. Look man, Anna is waking up. I've gotta go. She's still in shock. I was used to seeing brain matter on the wall, she wasn't." His voice sounds deflated, haunted even. We both have seen so much death and it's just something we don't let affect us anymore. Maybe that is why I am not crying or expressing anything for Mary-Beth.

"Alright, brother. I'll call you when I get home." We hang up and I slide over to the edge of the bed, putting on my legs and then walking into the bathroom to get the bags. I opt for a pair of jeans today. I don't want people questioning me. Today, I need to think about what is going on. She killed herself. Was her life really that bad? I mean, at least she still had her legs. In her defense though, she did lose her sister and mother. I just can't believe Mary-Beth did it. Where did she get a gun?

I hear a door click shut and I turn around to see Sam. She looks sad and heartbroken.

"I'm so sorry, Jameson." She runs into my arms and I pat her head.

"Sam, I loved her and my heart aches for her. Not because I still was in love with her, but because I can't imagine anyone's life being that bad that they want to end it themselves." I grab her chin and make her look at me. "You, you are my heart; you have my soul. I am completely wrapped around your fingers. You hold everything for me, Samantha. Am I sad? Yes. I wouldn't have a heart if I wasn't. But I am not sad because I love her. I don't anymore." She looks at me and the tears fall.

"Why did she do it?" Sam looks so confused and I give her a sad smile. "I mean, she was beautiful. She had everything a girl could want. I don't understand. She had her whole life ahead of her." Sam breaks down again. I am amazed by her heart. This girl is crying for someone who tried to keep us apart. She tried to ruin what we had and now Sam is crying for her. It just shows what an amazing woman Samantha is. She has been through so much and she never took the easy way out. My Sam, she is a fighter.

I learned the hard way that Mary-Beth would never be a fighter. She always gave up when things got rough. I suppose this time she thought it couldn't get any more rough. "Sam, the only person who could answer that isn't here to answer it. I don't know why Mary-Beth thought the only way to be happy was to not be here at all." I start to put my clothes back in the bag, and see Sam doing the same thing. So much for this being a happy time for us.

"Maybe, if we hadn't," Sam starts but I stop her and walk over to her. I grab her arms and make her look at me.

"You and I had nothing, and I mean nothing, to do with this. Do you understand me? It was her choice to leave, not mine. Am I glad she did? Yes." I can see the questions in her eyes. "Why?" She nods slowly. "Because of her leaving, I got you. You were who I was always supposed to be with. I just got blindsided by boobs and emerald eyes." I sigh, maybe that wasn't the correct word for me to use.

"I hated her. I absolutely loathed her. Now, I feel horrible for hating her." She looks down, as if she is ashamed for having these feelings. I wipe the tears away and kiss her lips.

"She put you through a lot, but you never hated her. If you had, you wouldn't be crying." I smile sadly, before kissing her lips. "Now, let's get back and see how Anna is doing. I hear she saw the whole thing." Sam's eyes grow wide as saucers.

"What? Poor Anna! Luke didn't tell me that." She grabs my hand and pulls me out of the hotel. Well, thank you Mary-Beth, always ruining a happy time for me lately. Immediately I feel bad for thinking it, even if it is the truth.

We pull up to Anna's house and walk to the door. I notice immediately that it's way too quiet. I knock on the door and Blake opens it slowly.

"Hey, Carter." He gives me a sad smile and then opens the door for me. Sam and I both walk into the living room and we take a seat. "She's in her room and won't talk to anyone. She's just staring at the wall. I, I don't know what to do anymore." He breaks down and then looks at me. "Can you try to talk to her? Maybe that will help her. You both knew Mary-Beth differently than us." He rings his hands together in a nervous gesture and I stand up. I kiss Sam on the head and walk towards Anna's bedroom door. "Thank you," I hear Johnson whisper, but this isn't for him.

This is for Anna, the woman who supported Mary-Beth when they got the call that I may not live. This is for Anna, the woman who helped save the man standing before me. For Anna, the woman who, in a way, helped to save me. Sweet Anna, who never should have seen this type of thing. For Anna, because the Anna we all knew and loved is not with us anymore. She will never get over seeing someone die. I open the door and shut it softly behind me with a click.

"Blake?" Anna sits up and meets my eyes, her face red and puffy from crying and her hair a rumpled mess. "Jameson? Oh Jameson, I... I tried to save her. I did." She is shaking hysterically and I want to cry for her. She has witnessed something terrible and life altering. I walk over to her and she jumps into my arms. I just hold her and rub her head.

"Would you like to talk about it?" My voice is hoarse and gruff with emotion. She shakes her head no and I sigh. "It will help you grieve, Anna. Tell me what happened." I rub her hair again and she puts her hands in her lap. She is staring off into the distance, no doubt in my mind that she is reliving it over and over. She is in her own personal hell.

"She called me. She had been going off the deep end the last couple of weeks but I never knew she would do this Jameson. Even Garrett can't believe it. Oh, you didn't know about Garrett." She sits in my lap and just talks, rambles really, about all of the things Mary-Beth went on and on about. I keep stroking her hair and just let her ramble. At least she can get it out to someone and she's beginning to stop shaking.

"She called me last night around ten o'clock. She didn't sound like herself. She had been drinking and she had been doing a lot of that lately. She told me she loved me. Jameson, never in thirteen years of being her best friend has she ever said those words to me. She only told you that." I wince a little. Everyone that Mary-Beth ever loved, has left her. On my account I didn't leave, she did.

"So I knew something was wrong. I made Blake drive me to her house. She texted me on the way and said she was sorry for what she was about to do. She said she hoped people would forgive her. I knew then it was bad, Jameson." She starts to shake again.

"Garrett was on his way there too. He was trying to get her to stop too. She was determined. We pulled up and got into the house with the spare key she gave me. She was in the bathroom, locked in, and not letting anyone in. We tried to get to her. Blake, he, he kicked the door down. She kept screaming for us to go away. I had to get to her." I keep rubbing her hair and I feel a few tears running down my face. I wonder if I had reached her, if maybe I could have talked her off the proverbial ledge.

"She kept screaming, telling me to get away from her. I kept banging on the door and begging her to let me in so we could talk. She said it was too late for talking. She said something about finally seeing Leila again. When Blake heard that, he pushed me out of the way and started kicking at the door. Finally, the lock gave way and the door slammed open. I heard the gunshot before I saw it. She had the gun in her mouth. There was blood and brain matter all over the white walls. It was horrible Jameson. I could see the light fading from her eyes. If I had gotten in there five seconds sooner, maybe," she trails off.  She takes a breath and I can hear the gulp as she swallows. "Maybe. She might. Still be here." She breaks down and starts sobbing again.

"Anna, look at me." I grab her face and pull her up to look at me. "Nothing, and I mean nothing, you could have done would have saved her. She had her mind made up. She was selfish. She always has been. I hate that she thought her life was not worth living. I hate that I wasn't here for you and her and Johnson last night. I really hate that she fucked up my good night. I finally get Sam to be mine and here Mary-Beth is coming back into the picture to ruin it." Anna gasps and I immediately regret the words I have just spoken, even if they are the truth.

"Sam said yes?" She looks at me, a little light back in her eyes. I chuckle that that is the part she caught.

"She did, and she didn't even know it was going to happen. Just wait till you see her watermelon Ring Pop." I smirk because Anna knows about the Ring Pop from when we were kids.

"You didn't?" I laugh and she does, too. The first real smile I am sure she has given anyone.

"I did. Now come on before Johnson goes crazy with worry. I know she was your best friend and I know you're going to be traumatized. Don't shut him out though, okay? He is worried about you and he loves you. Don't forget that, Anna." I kiss her cheek and get up and walk out of the room.

The minute I walk out, Sam is on her feet and walking towards me. I wrap her in my arms and just hold her. You never really know the value of someone's life and of their soul until they are no longer a part of the world. For me, I know what it is for death to consume you. For others, it's not a frequent thing. It isn't something they experience on a daily basis. It isn't something that they have to worry about being on their hands. My only thought is will Mary-Beth burn for an eternity? Does taking your own life count as a trip to Hell? Did she ask the Lord to forgive her before she pulled the trigger? Will she see Leila and her momma again?

"I heard Anna laugh?" I hear Blake whisper. I look up and let go of Sam. I walk over to him and wrap him in a big bear hug. I know it's what he needs right now. His woman is all stressed out and not sure as to what has really happened. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees her best friend dying over and over. That is not something that is easy. Trust me. I know from experience. I saw four of them blow up.

"Yes, she was laughing at Sam's ring." I smirk and he looks at Sam. She holds up her right hand and then licks the pink Ring Pop. Blake shakes his head and laughs.

"Only you, Carter, only you." He smiles and pats my back. "Congratulations on the engagement. Sam's a keeper. Now, if you'll excuse me I am going to check on my keeper." He gives me a sad smile. "Thanks for bringing her back to me."

"Dude, she never left. Just give her a little time. She just watched her best friend's brains splatter onto a wall." I hear Sam gasp and then she takes off into Anna's room. I hear her in there saying how sorry she is and then I sit down knowing they will be in there for a while.

An hour later, Sam comes out all teary-eyed and sad. I think if it weren't for me, she and Mary-Beth would have been friends. They were both good girls; Mary-Beth just had a vendetta because she knew Sam was who was meant for me, even if neither of us knew it back then. She grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. She turns to look at Blake. "She's finally asleep. I played with her hair until she dosed off. Just go in there and lay with her. She wants you to." She smiles and then tugs me to the door.

"Thank you," I hear Johnson say as we walk out the door.

"Take me home. Life is way too short to do anything but live. Tonight, Jameson Nathan Cater, I want to live with you." Well hot damn, looks like my firecracker is coming out tonight.

#

Sitting in the church at the service is a lot harder than I thought. I look over at Mr. Joseph and think about what he must feel. This is the third loved one he has had to bury. At least this time, it was more than just pieces of their bodies. Leila and Mrs. Helen had been damaged and burned in that field, but they got some of them back to have a proper burial.

The service is amazing. There are flowers everywhere and I can't help but think this is exactly what Mary-Beth would have wanted. It smells like a flower shop in this place. Her father asked me if I could play a song for the service, but I just don't know if I can really do it. I will try to get up there and do my best. This is one of the hardest things I have had to do. When your brothers in combat die, you go and stand and sometimes you get to shoot the guns to give them their salute. Sitting here in my dress blues is hard because it's someone I loved. Yes, I loved Jackson, Andrews, Miller, and Black, but I never had that connection with them. Sam nudges me and I look up. It's my turn.

I walk to the podium and give a sad smile to Mr. Joe. I face the crowd and I notice my mother in the back, sitting with Roger. He gives me a small nod as if to say you can do this. I look around the room and I see Anna sitting in the front row with her mother on her left and Blake on her right. She will be taking the stage next. I shake the preacher's hand and I look over at the guitar and then back at the crowd.

"Mr. Joseph asked me to sing a song today. I know many of you know me, but not many of you know that I can sing and play the guitar and a few other instruments as well. But, before I play, I would like to say a few words. If that's okay, Mr. Joe?" I look over and he gives me a slight nod. I notice there is a guy with red eyes and tears on his cheeks in the row a few people over from Mr. Joe and I realize that he must be Garrett.

"Mary-Beth and I weren't on good terms when she passed. She did things I am not happy with, but even now I have to say that Mary-Beth taught me so much in the short time I knew her. She was a wonderful woman and she loved me. I cannot blame her for choosing to leave me when the going got tough. Hell, I wanted to leave myself." A few chuckles happen in the crowd and I keep going. "Mary-Beth taught me what it was like to love someone with all your being, to love unconditionally.  She was always a free spirit, with a feisty side. She always gave it her all. There is one thing I wish she could have done differently. I wish that she would have fought a little harder for what she wanted. I also wish I could have been there that night four nights ago. Maybe then, well everyone knows what I am thinking." I look at Sam and she smiles and then nods for me to keep going.

"I owe Mary-Beth, because she taught me what it is to love and be loved in return. I owe her, because she taught me to appreciate the person who loves me unconditionally. I pray that God lets her rest in peace. I will always have a place in my heart for Mary-Beth. I wish that you all could see the light in her eyes one more time. I wish that she hadn't done this. This town is going to feel the loss of a beautiful person for a while. And, I have to say thank you. Thank you God, for giving us all what little time we had with Mary-Beth." I walk down to where my guitar is sitting on the podium. I have gone back and forth between _Angel_ by Sarah McLachlan and _One More Day_ by Diamond Rio. Both are very well descripted of the way everyone's feeling. The day before the funeral, I hear a song by Rascal Flatts called _Why._

I worry about singing One More Day because of Sam's feelings, but this isn't for me. This is for everyone sitting in the pews of this church saying goodbye to someone they wish could have one more day with. I walk to the chair and sit down. At the last minute, I change my mind and go with the one by Rascal Flatts. I look out at the crowd and my eyes fall on Garrett's as the chords to the song come on.

I notice Garrett's eyes fill up a little more as the song continues. I start to sing the first chorus and I can feel my throat starting to close up. I am not sure if I can do this. " _It must've been in a place so dark, you couldn't feel the light."_ I pause and take a breath as the chords keep going and then continue on with the song. _"Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud. Now here we are fathered in our little hometown. This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd."_ I keep playing the song and singing and looking out at everyone as I get to the part where this world isn't so bad and how it's not like the person to walk away in the middle of the song. I finish the song and go to stand when I hear the claps of the people in the pews.

I make my way back to where my stand is for my guitar as Pastor Manny takes the podium again. "Thank you Jameson. And now Anna would like to come up and say a few words." He walks back to his spot and Anna gets up on wobbly knees and makes her way up.

"Wow, maybe I should have come on before Jameson. You always were the show stealer." I laugh a little and then Sam's hand is in mine as I sit down. She kisses my cheek and I am oblivious to anything Anna is saying. The people in the church laugh at parts and then cry with Anna as she retells her life with her best friend. She recites a poem and then steps down. The pastor gets up and says a final prayer over Mary-Beth, and then calls up the pallbearers to come and load the casket into the car. Luke, Mason, Blake, Garret, Mr. Joseph and I all stand and make our way to the front of the church to carry Mary-Beth to the hearse.  I grab the side of the casket with Johnson to my right on the other side, and then Luke behind me. Mason is on the other side behind Blake and then behind us is Garrett. Mr. Joseph is at the head of the casket and he signals us all to pick up our ends. We carry her out to the hearse and then all file into the limo.

To my surprise, they sit me by Garrett; irony at its finest. I pat him on his knee and look over at him. "I'm Jameson. It's nice to meet you."

"Garrett. I don't really know if I can say it's nice to meet you though." He looks at me with something in his eyes. I know what it is, because I expected to see it in Declan, Kate, Roger, and everyone else when I ran into them. It's blame. He blames me for Mary-Beth dying. It's not my fault. She is the one that walked out on me. Or maybe he blames me for her not being with him fully. I have no clue.

"Well, I know what it's like to lose someone. If you need a friend to talk to, I am always available to grab a beer." I look at him and smile. Hopefully we can let bygones be bygones. The look he gives me says that's a negative on that, Ghost Rider. Okkkayyy then.

"Yeah, I'll think about that." He looks out the window as we take the hour and a half drive to the cemetery Mary-Beth will be laid to rest in, beside Leila and Mrs. Helen.

Two hours later we are in the Mustang heading back to town. I see Sam out of the corner of my eye trying to figure out a way to say something.

"Just spit it out, Sam," I say and look in her direction and then back to the road. My knuckles go a little tighter and I see the glint from her ring so I relax.

"Why didn't you sing the other song? The one I heard you rehearsing the other night when you thought I was sleeping?" She looks at me, then looks at the ring I bought that she is spinning around on her finger.

"'Cause, this one fit better," I say with a roughness to my voice even I don't expect.

"You were worried about what I would think of that song weren't you?" Damn woman, she is way more perceptive than I give her credit for. She looks at me and then out the window. "That song, it wouldn't have bothered me. You may have been the one singing it, but, it was meant for everyone. Everyone wishes they had one more day with her. One more day to hear her laugh, or see her smile. I am sure one wishes they had one more day for her to bitch at them. Hell, it was what she was good at." She smiles at me.

"This is why I am so madly in love with you, Samantha Lynn." I shake my head, grab her hand and kiss her ring finger. She just understands things. I smile and think to myself that I am the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. I have the most understanding and loving woman with me.

"Jameson, I know you love me, and I know at one point you loved her, and that's okay. She was a huge part of your life. She has made you some of what you are today. I don't detest her for that. If anything, I acknowledge her for it. You are a better man, and Mary-Beth had a hand in making you that man." As she talks I realize I have fallen in love with her more in that one breath. She is kind and humble and even after the shit life threw at her, she is still so trusting and caring. I realize that I want to be like Sam. I want to see the world through eyes like hers.

"I love you Samantha and I will spend my every breath trying to be like you. You inspire me. After everything, you can still sit here and tell me this." She smiles and I kiss her ring finger again. I smile as we pull into the townhouse and she raises an eyebrow. Oh yeah, game on. 

#

Two months has passed since the day we buried Mary-Beth. Things seem to be going back to normal. Business at Sam's place has picked up and she has hired Anna to be the receptionist. I am sure Mary-Beth is rolling over in her grave at seeing how close her best friend is with her mortal enemy. Or who knows? Maybe Mary-Beth is happy that Anna has someone these days.

Blake has moved in with Anna and the wedding plans for Sam and I are going strong. We plan to marry in about a year. I love watching Sam and Anna both get so giddy about the plans. I sure wonder what ole' Paul from her work is thinking now with all the wedding plans going on. Bet his ass isn't thinking about making her jealous over dating one of the other girls now, not that he ever did. My Sam didn't want him; she just went out with him to get her mom off of her back.

I am sitting at the house with Blake and Luke, getting the crawfish ready to boil up. I throw them in the kiddie pool that Maggie used to use when she was a puppy.  I look over to see Maggie laying her head down on the ground. She's been this way since Mary-Beth left. I can tell she misses her and I wonder if this is what she did while I was gone. It's nice to finally have my pup back with me, but my heart aches that it had to be this way. She gets up and comes over to me and nuzzles my leg. I pet her on the head and then pour more salt over the crawfish.

"Dude, did you guys hear about Mason?  He and Karla took a break." Luke grabs a beer and tosses it my way. Of course, he would know the scoop.

"Wonder why." I shrug and move the crawfish around. First crawfish boil of the season and damn I can't wait. These little things are amazing. If you haven't had any, your ass is missing out. I open my beer and then walk into the house to grab the garlic, the celery, and the lemons. I'm using a trick my dad taught me at a young age. Gives the spices a good flavor and who doesn't like to eat a pod of garlic? It may even save you from the blood suckers in Bon Temps. Oh wait, that's fake.

"I heard she just wasn't ready to give it up," Blake says and we all burst out laughing but stop when we see Mase rounding the corner. He looks at us all and I know he heard it.

"No, it's because I couldn't do it anymore. We were great together, but it just wasn't like I thought it would be." He grabs my beer and chugs it. At first I want to yell at him, but I don't, because let's face it, the guy looks like he needs a damn drink. I walk over and pour some crab boil into the pot and then feel my phone buzz in my pocket.

Text from Anna - _Oh, you're going to love this dress! It's absolutely beautiful!_

"I hate your girlfriend," I say at Blake and he laughs.

"I gotta say, Sam looks pretty good in that dress." He smirks and I throw a crawfish at him.

"You've seen it?" I say as I grit my teeth. I look at him, and if looks could kill I swear he'd be dead. "Maybe, I shouldn't have saved your ass." I smile to show him I am just teasing and he just smirks.

"Maybe not. After seeing Sam in that wedding dress, I may need to steal her away."

"HEY! That's my sister so let's not go there. Even though J, I do have to say she looks beautiful." Luke is reclining on the chair and Maggie is in his lap, all thirty-five pounds of golden lab sitting in his lap. It makes me chuckle.

"You all remember this when your women go through it." I huff out and make my way back to the house. I hate when they do this shit to me; rib me like this. My primal animalistic side comes out, and I very well can't just grab Sam and carry her to the room like a damned gorilla when she gets back to the house. I am not an animal; I am a man, but I'll be damned if I don't want to make her remember who she belongs to. I sure want to prove it to every man out here talking about her in that damned wedding dress.

Two hours later and the girls get here just in time for the first batch of crawfish to come out of the boil. I notice Mom is smiling a bit more than usual, as well. It's nice seeing my mom so happy. She and Roger went to the justice of the peace and got married a few weeks ago. Surprised the hell out of me she didn't ask me to be there, but she said she wanted an intimate thing with Roger. I just said that's cool and didn't let on that it hurt me. She is my momma after all.

We are all sitting around the table with our mouths full of crawfish tails, and a few of us are brave enough to suck the heads of them. I will suck the heads on occasion, but damn these are spicy today. Skylar keeps looking at us like we are crazy, and barely touches anything.

"What's wrong with you, babe?" Luke asks as she stares at the mud bugs in front of us.

"How can you even eat that?" She wrinkles her nose in disgust and takes a bite of the potato in front of her. I can't help but laugh.

"The same way you're eating that potato that was boiled with them," I say and laugh louder as she drops it.

"EW!!! I just ate something boiled with a bug!" She starts freaking out and I laugh. Damn Yankee.

"Here babe, try this." Luke grabs a crawfish tail and shoves it into her mouth and she looks like she's going to throw up. I laugh and then I see her face change and her eyes light up. "See, not so bad. Here I'll show you how to peel it. Twist the head off like this. Grab the little tail on the end and peel it back like this." He shows her a few times and then she is like the rest of us digging into the little bugs.

"It's just like a really small lobster," I say and Sam busts out laughing. I look down and Anna is making faces at Skylar with her fingers beside her head. I laugh and realize that Anna is coming out of her shell now. She isn't standing in someone else's shadow; she is standing in her own spotlight. I knew Anna was a good person; she just didn't have the right friend. I feel a pang of guilt and regret over Mary-Beth, but I know that she was a part of my past for a reason.

"I want to make an announcement." Roger stands up and looks at us all. I look at him expectantly and wait for him to speak. "Sam and Jameson, I want you to both know that I am so appreciative of being a part of this family, and I am excited to be a part of what the two of you are becoming. Having said that, Jennifer and I would like to send you off on your honeymoon. You let us know where you want to go and we will book it within the month." I look at him and then at mom like they have lost their minds while Sam is up, hugging them both. I guess I will have to talk to mom. Maybe they can pay half, but I had planned on taking Sam to Tahiti, to the resort where that movie _Couples Retreat_ was filmed. Who doesn't want to sleep over the ocean?

"Thank you both," I say and kiss mom and hug Roger.

"Thank you." He looks at me with a knowing glance and I know he is thanking me for taking care of his son and also for giving my blessing to marrying my mother. I mean, I'd be stupid to not give my blessing. My mother lights up when he walks into the room. She looks at him the same way I look at Samantha and everyone deserves a love like that. I haven't seen my mother light up like that since my father died. She deserves happiness too. She may be old but the woman isn't dead.

We all eat,drink and have a good time, then clean up the mess. I smile as I see Sam, Anna, and Skylar; all three hugging and saying goodbye. It is great to see all of us settling down. I know Mason and Karla are on the fritz right now but I know one day he will be happy like the rest of us.

After everyone leaves, Sam and I decide to watch a movie. We sit down and put in _American Hustle_ with Jennifer Lawrence, Christian Bale, and Bradley Cooper. I lie on the couch and scoot to where she can lay down with me, and wrap my arms around her. Again, the feeling of not being able to feel her legs on mine gives me a pang of regret in my chest, but I know that it's not something I did on purpose. Christian Bale comes on the screen and the first thing I can think is oh shit. They made that dude look like shit. That's what he would look like if he wasn't famous, if he was just some common man like the rest of us. It's amazing what Hollywood can do to someone.

Sam is starting to doze off about halfway through the movie, but as she does, Maggie comes and lies on top of us. Sam rolls over and falls on her ass onto the floor and I can't help but laugh. She looks up at me with a scowl and then at Maggie like she wants to kill her. Maggie lifts her head and cocks it to the side and then slides her tongue over Sam's mouth and nose. I can't help but laugh, as does Sam.

"Ugh, Maggie! You best be glad I love you, sweet girl," Sam declares as she kisses the top of Maggie's head before she stands up. She sits at the edge of the couch between Maggie and me and just watches us. That's another thing with Sam. She can tell Maggie is hurting and missing her momma. So Sam steps aside and lets Maggie heal. I have caught Sam in there lying with Maggie at times, just talking to her about how it will all be okay. It's another reason I love her as much as I do.

"Come on now, Mags. Go get on your bed. It's Sam's time now." I smile and Maggie grunts and licks my hand and hops down to go to her bed. I reach for Sam and pull her on top of me.

"My time now, huh?"

"Mmmhmmm. I have been staring at these silky smooth legs all damn day." I run my hands over her silky tan legs. I moan, kissing her hand before pulling her head to mine and slide my tongue over that plush bottom lip. When she opens up in invitation, I slide my tongue into her mouth. Our tongues are fighting a losing battle because neither of us will give up the dominance the other seeks. I growl into her mouth as she straddles my hips and grinds her sex into my erection. "Sam," I growl out huskily.

"Well, you're the one rubbing me in places that get me all hot and bothered," she breathes out and rubs her hands up under my shirt and grabs my pectorals. "I am going to make you a very happy man right now Mr. Carter." She raises her eyebrows up and down in a suggestive way and I can't help but chuckle.

"Baby, I became the happiest and luckiest man the day you said yes to going on a date." I grab her, pulling her into soft curves into my hard body.  I lean forward as I unzip my pants, trying my best to kick them off. She grabs my face and kisses me as I slide myself between her thighs. I moan out as the tip of my erection touches the wet swollen part of her center. This is my home, this is like coming home. Samantha and I joined together is what makes everything better. She digs her nails into my back as I sink myself into her, her channel clenching and unclenching around me. I let out a breathy moan as I take my hands and slide them under her thighs, pulling her ass up. My hips are slamming against her thighs as I push into her over and over. Seeing her so aroused like this will always affect me. It is something precious and I rejoice in knowing that I am the person that does this to her.

"Jameson! Please. Don't. Stop!" she says breathlessly as I slam into her with more force than before. I slap her ass and enjoy seeing my handprint turning it red. "YES!" she screams out as she starts to move her hips with mine. The smacking of our bodies only makes it even hotter. This is what I get to have for the rest of my life, and I am damned happy about it.

"You're mine!" I growl out and she agrees with a nod of her head.

"OH God! Right there, Jameson!" she screams out and throws her head back as she orgasms around my cock. As soon as she tightens, I slam into her one final time and meet her in ecstasy. I slump over onto her now glistening back and kiss her softly between her shoulder blades, both of us panting from the exertion. I pull out, laying down beside her on the couch, grabbing her and pulling her into my side. She purrs softly into my arm and then before I know it she is lightly snoring. This is the way I always want my life to be. I cannot wait until the day I marry this woman.

I wake up the next morning to Maggie laying on top of my arm and licking me. Sam is nowhere in sight. I pat Maggie on the head before wrapping my legs in their bandages before sliding on my prosthetics. I get up and go to the door to let Maggie out and I hear Sam outside yelling at someone. I walk to the door and see two guys on my porch and one starts to grab for Sam. She is crying and yelling frantically.

"Is there a problem?" I ask as I open the door and walk out. Maggie's hair is standing on end and she is growling deep in her throat. I close the door behind me. The last thing I need is to have Maggie put down for biting some asshole. Sam looks at me with terror in her eyes and I know exactly who these people are.

"I came out here to go get some doughnuts and I guess they recognized me," Sam says and walks towards me but the big, bulky guy grabs her arm.

"Oh no you don't, bitch. I'm not done talking to you," he snarls at Sam and I react without thinking. I walk over and punch him right in the jaw.

"Your ass has five seconds to get the fuck off my property before I do that again," I say and the other guy looks scared, backing away slowly. I gasp when I see him because I'll be damned if his hair isn't the same color as Isabella's and if she doesn't have that same freckle pattern on her face. "If I ever, and I mean ever, see you anywhere near her with your hands on her again. I. Will. Kill. You," I say through clenched teeth. "Go on inside, Sam. I'll be there in just a minute." She nods and makes her way into the house. I look at them both with disgust.

"You deserve to sit in jail for what you did to her. I get it that you're a rich boy and that your family has money. Don't you dare come near her again, because I will kill for her. Got me?" I look at them both with a primal glint in my eyes. It's one you come to know being a Marine. You aren't afraid of death; it's easy to do once you've done it a couple dozen times. It would be easy to kill them, and I would gladly sit in jail for life to protect my sunlight, my Sam.

"You don't scare me," big bulky guy says and I laugh.

"I should. I've killed many men just like you. Scumbags who feel like women are put on this earth to be used like whores. Let me tell you this, my girl is not a whore and your ass is lucky I haven't put a bullet right between your eyes yet," I spit out while my hands remain by my sides in tight fists. "And don't you dare think of going to the cops, because if you try, I will make sure they know you put your hands on her yet again." I raise an eyebrow begging the guy to counter my words.

"Fine, I'll leave that bitch alone. But only because she ain't worth my breath." He grabs his hat off the ground, which I guess Sam knocked off in their argument and starts to walk off. He looks over his shoulder and yells at his friend. "Well, come on Alex let's go." Alex looks at me and at his friend. Alex, hmmm so Alex is the one that got my woman pregnant.

"Be right there!" he calls over his shoulder still watching me. He looks down nervously and then back up at me.

"Well?" I raise an eyebrow again.

"Look, I know it doesn't make up for what I did. But, could you please tell Sam I am sorry. I was drunk as hell and I have regretted this every day since then. My momma told me she heard Sam got pregnant because of us. I, I never should have done what I did, and I just want her to know I will regret it every day for the rest of my life." He looks at me, giving me a sad smile. "I didn't want to get out of jail; I knew that I deserved to be there. It was my punishment for drinking so much and trying the cocaine Tyler had that night." He keeps rambling and Sam opens the door.

"I forgive you, Alex. But, that doesn't mean I ever want to see you again. Go on and get out. I'm filing a restraining order so don't come back here." She looks at him, then at me and walks back in the house.

"You don't deserve what she just gave you," I growl and before he can respond, I walk into the house, grab Sam and take her right back where she belongs; my bed.

"Why did you do that?" I ask her as I lay her on the bed, kissing her chin before moving my lips down her neck.

"Because, just like you he needed closure, forgiveness from me was his closure." She sighs and pants. I slowly take her shirt and pull it over her head and lean in and suck her pebbled nipple into my mouth. I growl knowing that she was braless and that bastard had his hands on her arms. She chuckles a little and I look up at her while biting her nipple. "Oh... I love when you go all caveman and possessive on me, Jameson." She moans and arches up into my mouth more. I groan and pull her into me more, switching to the other nipple to give it the same affection, after all it is perfect just like the other. They both deserve to be worshipped.

I slide her panties down as well as my shorts, as she parts her legs for me to slide between. This is not like last night, it's completely different. This is about us coming together and proving that we are what makes our world right. Without the other, we are nothing but an empty vessel. When we come together, we are complete. I slide into her warm inviting sex as we both let out breathy moans.

"I love being yours," Sam exclaims as she wraps her legs around my hips and just lets me move in and out at a slow pace.

"I love that you love being mine, 'cause baby you're never leaving my side." I kiss her slowly and tenderly as we make love. She starts to push against me causing us both to start to lose control.. She is on the precipice of her orgasm and I can feel her tightening around me.

"Look at me when you come, Sam," I say and she opens her hooded eyes. She looks beautiful with her eyes half closed from the ecstasy that only I can give her. I am the one for her, just as she is my other half. What is it that God said? She is the rib of my rib. I feel that in every fiber of my being, looking into those eyes right now. Samantha Blalock is my other half, my soul mate. As I come to this realization, I explode inside of her. She smiles and kisses me softly.

"Can we go back to bed and restart this day?" she asks sleepily and I just nod in agreement. It's nice to try to forget those two men putting their hands back on my girl.

#

Who knew doing all of this wedding planning would be as boring as it has been? I don't care what we eat, what kind of cake we have, or what my tuxedo looks like. All I care about is at the end of the day, this woman with the purple streaks and tattoos going down her arms, is going to be my amazing wife. She will be mine, have my name, and spend the rest of her life inside my arms.

It's been three months since those men came to my home and tried to scare Sam. Three months since I had to make sure someone wasn't tailing Sam. Even though she put a restraining order on them, the big guy Tyler, he looks like he is out to get her still. I mean come on, you raped a girl. You deserved what you got when they hauled you to jail. It pisses me off that he feels like this is Sam's fault. He needs to take a step back and realize it is no one's fault but his own.

I hear the ding over the door of the shop and I look up. I look up to see Alex yet again. "Pretty sure I told you I didn't want to see you again," I say and start to walk towards him. He holds his hands up in surrender and looks over his shoulder.

"Look, I needed a trumpet for my nephew for school. I get it if you don't want to help me. I'll just tell my brother to come get it. I was just going to order it." He looks down at the floor a little embarrassed and then starts to walk out the door.

"Wait," I walk over to the counter and then back to him. "There are a few in stock over here." I look over and he smiles.

"Thanks." He walks over and starts to look around. He comes back to the counter with a Yamaha 2335 trumpet.

"It's a great one for beginners." I shrug and start to ring him up.

"Yeah, he's only eight but he wants to learn to play so Garrett said he would get him one." He pulls out his wallet and goes to swipe his credit card. "Look Carter, I know you don't like me and I understand why. But, I need you to be careful. I really think Tyler is planning something. I was fucked up that night, and I live with the regret of what I did every day of my life. To know that I had a hand in affecting Sam's life in a negative way, eats at me, and I hate it." He looks up, then at the floor and I exhale with a sigh.

"Thanks. I can handle Tyler." I give him his receipt and then it clicks. I wonder if Garrett is the Garrett that Mary-Beth was dating. It wouldn't surprise me. "Alex, I respect you for what you've done. It takes a man to own up to his mistakes." I reach over and extend my hand out, waiting for him to shake mine. He looks at me questioningly before slowly sticking his hand out and gripping mine. He lets go and grabs for the trumpet.

"See you around, Carter." He smiles a sad smile and then leaves the shop. I swear things get weirder around here as the days go on.

Lunch time rolls around and I hear the ding above the door again. I look up, afraid of who it's going to be, but it's just Kate. I look at her and wonder what the hell she is doing here.

"Well, look at you Carter. You seem to have done pretty damn well for yourself." She smiles and looks around at the shop.

"Hey Kate. What are you doing here?" I walk from behind the counter and grab her up in a big hug.

"I had to bring Matt and Bella down here for their fitting for the wedding. I can't believe you are going to be married in a few months." She smiles and then wrinkles her nose. "I heard about Mary-Beth. I know that chapter in your life is over, but I am sorry."

I pull her into my side yet again and kiss the top of her head. "Let me just close up shop and I will take you for lunch." I start to walk to the door and she follows. I turn to look at her. "Wait, where are Bella and Matthew?" I look around surprised they aren't running around with her.

"Sam has them. She wanted to take them to the park and out for ice cream. It's great to see her with Bella. I know that she had a hard time even looking at Bella when she was born. She just handed her over." She walks with me to the little café down the road from the store. We walk together in comforting silence for a few minutes.

"How are you, Kate?" I look at her as we walk and she sighs.

"I won't lie to you Carter. I miss Matt daily; sometimes it's a struggle to get up and get back to living without him. It's life though and I just thank God daily for giving me the man that gave me everything." She smiles sadly and then pats my shoulder.

We start to walk into the restaurant and Mason comes flying out of the door, not paying attention and bumps into Kate. "Shit, I'm so sorry. Please excuse me," he says, reaching for her hand.

"It's quite alright. I apologize for being in the way." She blushes and then meets his eyes. His cheeks turn cherry red.

"Hi, I'm Mason," he says. I laugh a little at the exchange and he finally realizes that Kate isn't the only person standing there. "Hey, Jameson." He rubs the back of his neck.

"This is my friend Kate Jackson. She is here bringing the kids to get fitted for their outfits for the wedding," I say, smiling when Kate blushes. What the hell is going on here?

"Nice to meet you, Kate." He smiles, then looks at us both. "Enjoy your lunch. See you around Jameson." I laugh softly as I see him checking Kate out from behind. Maybe we should try to get them together. It has been nearly two years since Matt passed away.

"Well, he was nice." Kate smiles and walks to the booth the waitress seats us at. "So, what's good for lunch here, Jameson?"

"They have the best pulled pork sandwiches and the fried pickles are to die for." I raise my eyebrows up and down a few times and she laughs.

"Hi there, I'm Darla and I will be your waitress. What can I getcha to drink?" I look at Kate and gesture for her to go ahead and speak. I look up at Darla and smile. Darla has been working here over twenty years and has been serving me my lunches off and on since then.  Grandpa and I used to come here.

"I'll have a Coke." Kate says and then looks at me.

"Same thing, Mrs. Darla. You sure look beautiful today." I give her my cocky grin, flashing my dimples at her and she laughs her raspy laugh. Smoking for forty years sure can make you sound not so feminine. Darla's gray is starting to show through her auburn color and I can't help but smirk. She wouldn't be Darla without it.

"Sure thing, sweet cheeks. Where's Sam today?"

"She's out with Kate's son and niece getting some ice cream and going to the park. I'll take the pulled pork and fried pickles please ma'am." I hand her the menu and Kate does as well.

"I'll take his word that they are good and I will go with that as well." She hands over her menu and then looks at me. "Jameson. I wanted to give you something. That's why I came today. It was Matt's and he asked me to give it to you if something ever happened to him. Please don't try to change it. I wanted to wait until you were happier in your life. I love you and so did Matt. I left it on your counter at the shop before we left. I don't ever want to see it again. Got it?" She looks at me as if she is waiting for me to argue with her. I won't try to give it back.

"Fine Kate." I take a sip of my drink and then grab a pickle and put it in ranch as soon as Darla sets my plate down.

"Save some room for dessert. I made your favorite, Jameson." She pats my shoulder and I groan as the flavors pop into my mouth.

"Mmmm, peach cobbler?" I ask as she walks away. She raises her hand over her shoulder to say yes.  "That woman makes the best cobbler." I smile as Kate eats a pickle and then bites into her pulled pork sandwich.

We eat our lunch and talk about how Matthew is doing and how Declan has been a big figure in his life. I am glad that Matt has family that can help so much. It's nice to not have to worry about your fallen brothers' families. Just like it's nice that my mom ended up with Will's dad, Roger. After we finish lunch, I walk back to the shop and Kate leaves me with a hug.

"Carter." I turn to look at her. "I meant what I said, I don't want it back. I appreciate you being a brother to my main man." She gives me a sad smile and starts to walk away. I go into the shop and turn the closed sign back to open. I walk over to the envelope and open it slowly. I hear a rattling and the keys fall into place on the counter. Keys I have seen before. They belong to the cabin by the lake we used to go to in Mississippi when we needed a break. I immediately think I can't keep it. Then an idea comes into my head. I will keep it and keep it up and when Matthew is old enough, I will hand it to him.

"So, she left them for you huh?" I look up as I hear Sam's voice. I look over at her and I smile.

"She did. That sneaky woman." I laugh softly and walk over to Sam and kiss her.

"Seriously, dude. You need to stop that when I am around." I look up to Luke standing there. "I also think Mason has a crush. He's over there talking to that chick like she's his only reason for breathing." Luke looks out the door and laughs. "Yep, he's totally crushing."

"That's funny, I remember someone looking like that over someone else with jet black hair," Sam speaks as she nudges him in the rib cage. He grunts out.

"Yeah, well we are kinda on a break for the time being."

"What? What the hell Luke? She is a good girl," Sam yells at him and he looks distraught. I swear I hear something like 'well her job isn't good, but he mumbles it and I can't understand it.

"I'm gonna go. I just wanted to walk you here Sam." He turns and walks out the door.

"Bye Luke! Love you!" She looks back at me and smiles. "Now where were we?" She pulls me into a kiss and I moan. This is where I belong. This is going to be my life and I am looking forward to the next day, as long as this woman is by my side.

"Don't forget about dinner tonight! I'm making your favorite!" She kisses me softly and then heads toward the door. I watch her walk out of the door as I walk to the back of the store. I hear a scream coming from outside and I run straight to the door again.

I see Tyler with his hands on Sam and Luke and I are both running to get to her. Sam slams her foot down on top of Tyler's. Then elbows him in the stomach. She then turns out of his grasp and slams her fist into his nose. Who in the hell knew Sam could fight, and I mean like lay a man out, fight.

"That's my sister!" Luke yells and high fives Sam.

"What the hell just happened?" I look between them both in shock.

"Well, I took self-defense classes in case this happened again." She smiles and then kicks Tyler in the stomach.

"Sam, that's enough." We all look up to see Officer Stephens standing there. He walks over and grabs Tyler by the arm and pulls him up.

"That is not enough. He needs to rot in hell!" She hisses and I pull her into me.

"Calm down." I whisper as Officer Stephens keeps talking.

"Let's see your daddy get you out of this one boy. I saw the whole damn thing. You're going to jail tonight, and if I ever see you lay your hands on another woman, I promise you'll end up a lot more beat then she just did ya in for." He winks at Sam and then walks Tyler down to his car.

"Damn, Sam that was sexy as hell." I walk over to her and kiss her again.

"I figured he was going to be coming around again. He was the one who provoked it the night it happened. He held the gun to me and told me if I told he'd kill me." She shudders and I start shaking and start to turn to go kill the bastard.

"Oh, no you don't!" I feel Luke's arms go around me and hold me back. "He will get what's coming to him I promise you that." He pushes me into the store and then nudges Sam. "Go calm him down. I gotta go see Skylar, we got into it again. I love you." He leans over and kisses her on the top of her head and then walks off in the direction of his truck.

"Jameson, I am okay really. I need to get back to work, my car is about a block away. Come walk me?" I nod yes and wrap my arm around her waist and pull her to me. She sighs and I just smile.

"If something would have happened to you, I don't know what I would do." She smiles and kisses me on the cheek. We get to her car and I open the door for her. She kisses me on the lips softly then smiles

"Don't forget about dinner tonight! I'm making your favorite!" She kisses me softly again before sliding into the seat. I wait for her to drive off just to make sure she gets away safely. I head back to the store and into the back.  I pick up my guitar and I strum a few chords. Before I know it, the melody of _Good Life_ by OneRepublic is coming from my fingers. I smile to myself because in all honesty my life is good. I am indeed living the good life.

#

#

One year later

It's been nearly three years since that day that changed my life, and I wish my four fallen brothers were here to experience this with me. Here I am, standing at the altar with the preacher, wearing my dress blues, waiting for Sam to walk down the aisle to me. I can't wait to see her in her dress. Everyone keeps asking me if I am thinking of running, but honestly this is where I want to be. Luke, Mason, and Blake are standing by my side, and it's great to see Jackson's wife and family sitting in the pews. The _Wedding March_ starts and in walks Anna in a fitted silk lilac colored dress that is strapless and falls down to her feet. Next is Skylar, and then Janice who was Sam's friend at the University of Alabama.

The doors close and I take a breath. They open and in walks Isabella wearing a beautiful little white and lilac junior bridesmaid's dress and is accompanied by her cousin Matthew who looks so much like his father it's uncanny. I smile watching these two walking down the aisle, Matthew holding his ring bearer pillow in his black tux and purple tie, and Isabella throwing the purple rose petals down for Sam to walk down.

The door opens again and the song _Marry Me_ by Train starts as Sam and her father walk down the aisle. Sam is wearing a white wedding dress that is strapless and shows off her tattoos down her arm. It is fitted to her thighs and then starts to flair out. She looks amazing. All the months of ribbing from the guys about this dress were worth it for me to see her like this. Her hair is swept to the side and is sticking out of a bun with a small veil tucked over her face. I think she called it a birdcage, why I have no clue 'cause looking at it now it doesn't look anything like a birdcage. All I can think of is that I can't wait to have her as mine forever. I made her mine almost two years ago, but today she will have my name and she will be Mrs. Jameson Carter.

"Hi," Sam whispers as I take her hand and I smirk.

"Hey," I whisper and she bites her lip. I groan because I pray that I don't have a boner by the time this is over with.

The preacher asks who gives this woman to be wed and Mr. Tim speaks up. My mother is looking her usual debonair self in the front row, sobbing her eyes out. Roger is patting her arm and comforting her. I smile and thank God that he gave someone like Roger to my mother.  It comes time to say our vows and I look at Sam. Here is my moment of truth, the time to tell everyone what I vow. I take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and turn to look at Sam.

"Samantha Lynn Blalock, from this day forward, I vow to honor, and cherish you. I vow to do everything in my power to show you that love fixes everything. That life is worth living. That love is worth risking. I took a risk on you, one and a half years ago and I have not regretted it. I was once a broken man, and you fixed me, you held my hand, you walked with me every step of the way. You even walked for me, when I had no choice but to let you.  I plan to do the same for you until my dying breath." I let out a shaky breath and smile when I see the tears running down her face.

"Well, how do I top that?" Sam lets out in a huff, blowing her bangs up off her forehead and everyone lets out a chuckle.

"Jameson Nathan Carter, from this day forward, I vow to honor and cherish you. I vow to strive to show you that you're worth everything in this world. I will always cherish every inch of you, even the inches you think you've lost. I will show you that there is nothing more important than the heart that beats inside of you and the love it offers me. I vow to walk every step with you until the day I die. I will stand by you just like I did when you weren't able to stand." She smiles and wipes the tears out of her eyes, and then we exchange our rings and finally I hear the words I have waited to hear.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." I grab Sam and bend her back, kissing her like my life depends on it. The catcalls in the church make me laugh and Sam blushes red all over. I have finally gotten the one thing that means everything to me. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that in reality, nothing or no one is ever really irreparable.

#

First off, I have to say thank you to my amazing husband. He has supported me and went to bed alone more than a few times while I stayed up and wrote this story. He sacrificed our time together to help me achieve my dream.

Secondly, I have to say thank you to MJ Nightingale for helping me lay this out. I never thought I could write a book and one of my fellow authors helped me see that I indeed could. Thank you for helping me outline and map out the inspiration for Jameson.

Thirdly, Jennifer Watkins, you are my support. You have been with me from word number one. Thank you for believing in this story before I even believed.

Also, my amazingly talented friend Joanne. Thank you for loving my stories as much as I love writing them. You have helped me to turn these books into something I can be proud of. I adore you and I love you for putting up with my crap.

My amazing formatter Brenda Wright! You rock and I appreciate you helping me!

To my friend Julie Mishler, who is the one who wrote the poem that brings my characters back to each other! Please don't stop writing! You are amazing!

Also, thank you for buying this book! You are helping me prove to myself that I may be good at something I never thought possible! 

#

Amanda Lanclos lives in a small town right outside of Baton Rouge. She is a full time mother to two beautiful babies as well as a bad little furbaby. She has been married to her wonderful husband for five years now and is hoping to have eighty more! She was inspired to write by so many amazing authors. She spends most of her time blogging on her blog and having her nose stuck in a book. If you'd like to know more about upcoming books and things happening with Amanda please like her on Facebook! Also, if you'd like to tell her what you thought she would love to hear it!

Facebook link - <http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Amanda-Lanclos/201396970070091>

E-mail - authoramandalanclos@gmail.com

Twitter - @Alanclos88

When your first true love comes crashing into your happily ever after, you're supposed to walk away. Not fall back in love.

#  
#

#

For the last six months I've been stationed in Afghanistan and it is something I will gladly endure to make sure my family and friends are safe. I am walking with my five marine brothers. Matt Jackson is in the front flanked by Grant Miller and William Andrews, with Kyle Black right behind him. I am walking a few steps behind Black and Jameson Carter is right behind me. I see a group of men up ahead just waiting for us to get there. That's where we are going; and Taliban men are standing there, waiting to do some damage.

I hear Carter scream and it's like I am seeing everything happening from the outside. Not like I am the one being jerked back and thrown over having the wind knocked out of me. Not like I am the one covered by another as an I.E.D. blows up.

I scream out as I hear Carter yelling and then it's quiet, as he passes out above me. This is something I never expected from him. Carter and Jackson are the strongest people I know. I have seen them both put a bullet in a person's head, because said person had a bomb. When I tried, I couldn't. So Jameson stood in and did it for me. Now, here he is again, saving me.

Everything happens in slow motion, like an out of body experience. I push Carter off of me and try to right myself, but my equilibrium has me falling over. My ears are ringing from the sound of the bomb exploding, but in the distance I see the men coming for us. They are coming to finish what the bomb started. I grab Jameson's gun and try to think back to my sniper training. I didn't excel in it; that wasn't my forte. But today, it would have to suffice. I put the gun on the ground and I don't even think about killing someone. They have taken from me and now it's my time to get my revenge. I watch as each one is struck between the eyes with a bullet from my borrowed gun. I expect to feel guilt when this finally happens but I don't feel anything but relief.

I stand on shaky legs then bend down to pick up Carter. I look around and see pieces of my brothers. This is not how I expected us to part. Life has changed and after today, I know I will never be the same. 

#

No matter how many times someone told me what to expect the moment my feet touched Iraqi soil, it wouldn't prepare me for what I was about to live through. The only thing that made this remotely easy for me was my best friend from boot camp got assigned with me. Kyle Black and I met when we were in boot camp six months ago, and were best buddies ever since.

"Damn dude, we finally made it. Let's go meet the rest of our team," Kyle shouts as he pats my back. He pulls his bag onto his shoulder as he walks towards our new home for the next three hundred and sixty-five days. I grab my bag and haul it onto my shoulders as I follow him in to meet the newest addition to my military family. "What's up, bitches!" I hear as Kyle walks into the room and I just shake my head.

My eyes meet one of the guys standing near the corner of the room. He must be the leader of the group because if looks could kill Kyle, would be dead.

"Inappropriate." I hear come from one of the guys, but I am not sure who says it. I look around and notice that Kyle really hasn't given the best impression.

"Excuse the idiot. I'm Blake Johnson. Idiot over here... I say pointing a finger at Black "... is Kyle Black." I give a salute and then walk to an empty bed. "This one taken?" I look around and finally one of them speaks. He has short brown hair that is cut in a typical fade. I glance at him and think if I needed to, I could take him in a fight. He's not a huge guy.

"No, you can have it. I'm Carter. Jameson Carter," he says as he stands and shakes my hand. I meet his eyes and I see a hint of a smirk. "Idiot, you can have that bed," he points to the bed in the corner.

"Hey! I am not an idiot. I was just trying to be cool."

"You're not," I mutter and turn to start putting my things away.

"Jackson will be back in about five minutes. He will be the one to tell you what to expect here," Carter says before turning to leave. "I'm going to eat, then work out. If you'd like to join, I'll show you around."

"Nah, I'm gonna crash." I hear Kyle say, and Carter turns to walk out the door. I run after him.

"Carter, wait!" I catch up easily enough and we both start to walk at a pace we both can keep up with. "Really, I'm sorry about Kyle. He doesn't always think before he speaks," I say and run a hand over my short auburn hair.

"It's cool, we give the new guys a hard time. Besides, we just got here yesterday so we are all just as new as you guys." He smiles and I can't help but laugh. All this time I expected to be put with guys that were experienced. It turns out Carter and the rest of them all had a lot to learn too.

"So, where ya from?"

"Small town outside of Baton Rouge, Louisiana," Carter replies as we walk into the makeshift mess hall. "You?"

"Mississippi," I say and smirk. "Tiger fan?"

"Hell yeah, I bleed purple and gold."

"Yeah me too. Never was a Bulldog or Eagles fan myself." He pats my back and laughs a little.

"Good, a person to help me rib Jackson about being a Roll Tider."

"Ugh, really? Who is Jackson?"

"Just your leader for the next year."

"Oh Lord." I shake my head as Carter lets out a huge laugh that I never expected to hear anywhere around here. War never seemed like a place where you would hear laughter.

"Speaking of. Here he comes," Carter runs over to a taller brown haired guy who looks to be a little older than me. I give a salute and Carter nods. "This is Matt Jackson," he points at Jackson then at me. "Meet your new teammate, Blake Johnson." I shake his hand as Carter introduces us.

"Nice to meet you, sorry I was video chatting with the wife. Sucks when your wife is five months pregnant and you're stuck in hell," he gives a sad smile and I just nod.

"Sorry." I say, "I don't have a wife or a woman so I wouldn't know what you mean." He gives a nod and then heads to dinner.

After dinner we all go run a few laps around the compound. I stay out after the two of them finish their laps. I run, thinking of everything I have done. I have accomplished so much in my short nineteen years. I have surprised tons of people too. Who would have thought the Valedictorian would end up a Marine? Not my mother, that's for sure.

Growing up, I was the nerdy redhead with freckles and glasses. Contact lenses surely helped me in my high school years. I really was like that kid from Harry Potter, only not Harry his friend, Ron. So I started working out, running and lifting weights. The minute I turned eighteen I enlisted without ever looking back.

I hear footsteps fall into step with mine. I glance up to see Black pounding the pavement beside me. This is something I have grown accustomed to. We have a comfortable silence in our friendship; we don't need to say a word to know what the other is thinking. He is the loud obnoxious one and I'm the quiet one. We run for another twenty minutes at a steady pace until I finally slow down and put my hands to my knees.

"Get it out your system?" He asks and puts a hand on my shoulder to squeeze it. It's nice to just have nothing to think about, to let it all disappear as you run.

"Yeah, I just felt like running."

He nods his head and we walk back to the tent where our beds are. I grab my shorts and t-shirt, then make my way to the showers.

Nine months in this place and still, I have a hard time. It seems like life is hard no matter what. Being the one from group who has a soft side sucks ass. I was put into a difficult situation with this guy. He had a bomb strapped to his chest and was about to push the detonator. Jackson gave me the order to shoot him. Carter was the only one with me and he saw me hesitate. He grabbed his gun and shot the guy without even thinking twice about it, then nodded at me. I hesitated. Had Carter not been with me I would have died. This place is not for me. I should have gone to Princeton or Harvard where I belonged. Instead, here I am, trying to act like something more than what I am.

Just what am I? I am the world's biggest coward. I wanted to prove that I wasn't just brains, that I could be something more, but that moment proved that all I am is the nerdy kid with his nose stuck in a book. I couldn't even protect myself. Had Jameson not been there, I would have let the guy blow me up. I couldn't kill him.

"Johnson come here." I turn to see Jackson standing there with running shorts and tennis shoes. "Let's go run."

"Be right there," I say as I stand. I grab my black and red Nike Shox and slide them on. I wonder if Carter told him what happened last night. I doubt he did, he isn't that type. I walk outside and join Jackson on the makeshift track in the dirt.

"What made you decide to become a Marine, Johnson?"

I should have known this was coming. I'm surprised I made it through boot camp. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, but I am not strong enough to kill someone. I don't think I have it in me. "I wanted to be more than the valedictorian of Adams High School, more than a person with brains." I shrug and keep in step with Jackson as he moves along.

"I see it in your eyes Blake, you don't think you're good enough. Only you can be the judge of your worth. I am just going to tell you, you're a damn good Marine. You think before you act, not act before you think. It makes you lethal. Remember that."

I watch him and nod my head, before we both pick up our pace. After his words I don't have anything to say so I just keep pace with him. I never really thought I needed reassurance, but now that I have it, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I only have nine more months before I can go home, when I finish this deployment.

After about six laps around the makeshift track, Jackson bows out and goes to our cots. I keep running. It's something you become good at when you're the redheaded nerdy kid with glasses. LASIK eye surgery was the best thing ever invented. Finally, I finish my run, take a quick shower and go to the barracks to lay my head down. I look up at the ceiling and think only two hundred and seventy-five more days of this. This reminder will play like a broken record until I can make it home.

Today, something just feels wrong. It's like the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. That feeling you get when you know something bad is going to happen. I can hear Matt on his computer talking to Kate with little Matthew crying in the background. The day Matthew was born was a hard day for Matt, having to watch his wife birth his child from a computer was difficult for him. I could hear him crying and telling her how sorry he was that he couldn't be there for the birth. He's four months old today and looks just like Matt.

"Let's go fellas. Time to get this show on the road. I heard there's a group of men down the way. Seems like the sons of bitches are getting braver these days. Let's go run 'em off," Matt says as he pulls on his boots. We all follow out the door in a single file line. Never in a million years could I have predicted what was about to happen. But saying no to Leo was something Lillian could never do...

Once lines are crossed is there any going back?

Or is the risk that Lillian Shaw takes going to leave her broken again...

And this time be enough to make her A Woman Gone Mad?

***Warning: This is not a shy and tender fairytale love story. It's a raw, tragic, and gritty story inspired by true events. This book is not for the faint of heart, it contains graphic language, sex, violence, and drug use. MATURE Audiences Only. Not intended for young adult readers.***

*Sign-Up Link: <http://bit.ly/1euRcHF>
