 
### THE ACCIDENT AT 13TH AND JEFFERSON (Book 1 only)

### 3 NOVELS

### BY: BRENDA J. CARLTON

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Copyright© 2012 Brenda J. Carlton

Smashwords edition

Cover Painting by Brenda J. Carlton 2012

Cover Photography Copyright© 2012 David Evans

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

All characters in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

What others are saying about THE ACCIDENT AT 13th AND JEFFERSON:

Customer reviews on Amazon: Bonnie said "Fantastic Reading! This book just grabs you from the very beginning. Brenda is a very talented writer and her books are something that once you start reading, you just can't put it down! A truly wonderful book and I highly recommend it and Brenda as my new-found favorite author!!! Looking forward to more!!!"

Meggie said "Thought provoking. This was a great read. I just had to know what happened next! It really made me think about how easily life can change for any one of us.

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Dedication

To every "ordinary" middle class American and to his or her story which IS worth telling.

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### Prologue

Miles below the surface of a very young planet, much later to be called Earth, chemistry and physics were at work although there were no humans to put their own names on these processes. Silica, aluminum, oxygen, and curious metals slowly became the little rock of our story, a tiny bit of granite in a formation the size of a small continent. The seas formed and gave birth to life, which spread onto the land and produced great reptiles. The great reptiles vanished, life found new forms and meanwhile the little rock of our story moved for hundreds of thousands of millennia with the shifting, sliding and buckling of the earth's layers. The rock emerged into the elements for the first time in towering mountains later, after they were worn down to a speck of their former glory, to be called the Poconos. Ice ages later a glacier snapped our little rock from its birthplace, drove it a couple of hundred miles south and left it under twelve feet of rubble.

By the time the Roman Empire fell, countless storms had washed it into a stream, where a human of the Lenni Lenape tribe found it. He used it to build a fire-ring in which he roasted a whitetail deer for his family. It lay by the remains of the fire, eventually beneath two feet of dirt, until the last of his great-great grandchildren had grandchildren.

An oxen-pulled plow churned the rock up in a farmer's field toward the end of the time when Pennsylvania was considered by certain humans to be part of England. It spent almost two hundred years in the wall of a stone barn and then another seventy years in one of the rock piles that became less and less recognizable as the remains of the collapsed barn.

Then one day in the third century of the existence of a nation named the United States of America, a man called Dwayne loaded cast off furniture into the back of his pickup truck. His wife would finally stop nagging, he hoped, if he delivered it to Goodwill. It was one of the hot gusty summer days that usually meant a thunderstorm was on the way. He tied a plastic drop cloth from his last paint job over the load and set off. He heard an odd puffing sound and looked into his rear view mirror. The wind was catching under the drop cloth and making it billow up as high as the roof of his cab. "Looks like some kind of goddamn demented mushroom, with them colors and all," he said, aloud. He pulled over and lit a cigarette and studied the situation.

He knew he ought to retie the ropes better, but his buddies were already waiting at the bar. Sloppy job, this was. He noticed a mound of stones on the other side of the road and trotted across. He gathered an armful, took them back to the truck, and dropped them into the valley between a dresser mirror and a rocking chair to weigh down the drop cloth. He looked at the bed of the truck, and then at the rocks across the road. He spotted the rock of our story, which sparkled more than the others in the late afternoon sun. It was about as long as a small chicken egg, but the collapse of the barn had split it lengthwise leaving a pickax-shape useful for Dwayne's purpose. Dwayne used it as a knife to poke some air holes here and there in the drop cloth and then tossed it toward a hill in his load where it slid down the drop cloth into the valley with the others.

Dwayne's quick fix held the drop cloth down until he got into town and to Thirteenth Avenue and Jefferson Street. Someone living in the house on the corner must be having a party, he thought. There were blue balloons tied to the mailbox and the uprights by the front door. A forty-mile-an-hour wind gust met him as he turned the corner. The demented mushroom appeared again in his back window. The rocks clattered behind him in the street. Damn it. Goodwill was only six blocks away, so he decided not to stop.

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### BOOK 1

### IF YOU TRY SOMETIMES, YOU JUST MIGHT FIND...

Chapter 1.1

Behind the house with the blue balloons, Tom Greenwood was starting to grill the steaks for his son's fourteenth birthday party. The party consisted of seven boys having chicken fights in the above ground pool, chasing each other around the yard, calling each other names, and eating anything and everything his wife Bonnie and her friend Elaine could find to dump in a basket and bring out to the table. Tom had promised Bonnie that he would do all the cooking for this party since she had to tend bar later that night and also because it put him closer to the center of the kids' attention. But Tom didn't plan for the mountain of food the boys would devour before he got the real meal finished. The ladies always seemed to make him feel foolish about such things, smiling kindly at him as they took care of whatever he messed up.

Josh came out of the pool, shaking the water out of his light brown hair and sprinkling his father in the process. "Will you take me to the video game store tonight after the party, Pop?" he asked. Josh relished these occasional days when his father partook of family life.

"You can wait a day, can't you, before you spend your money?" said Tom, flipping a steak.

"School starts soon, Dad. Time's a wastin'. I could play all day tomorrow," Josh said, twisting his face into that pleading little boy expression that always worked on Dad, but never on Mom.

"No, and that's my final answer," said Tom. Josh was surprised but he didn't complain. He was having too good a day to argue.

Tom's menu included baked beans from the deli and a huge green salad that looked like a lot of work but was really two large containers of toppings from the salad bar at the supermarket dumped on top of bagged lettuce. He did prepare homemade potato salad from scratch early this morning because Josh had specifically asked for it, or more precisely, because Bonnie snapped at him last night when he came home with supermarket potato salad. He didn't use the family recipe that Josh requested. In Tom's opinion adding expensive deli olives and roasted red peppers to the potato salad was a big improvement which also demonstrated that he couldn't be completely bossed around. "Bonnie," he said in her general direction. "Bring out the salads, will you? They can eat them before the steaks are done." He was getting more and more embarrassed by the ladies' frantic efforts to feed the kids.

"Good idea," Bonnie said. Elaine nodded in relief. They brought the salads out and the kids tore into the food.

Josh's best friend Max, temporarily sated, came over and said, "Mr. Greenwood, would it be all right if we got the volleyball net out of your garage?"

"Sure, Max. Help yourself," Tom said. Max was Elaine's son, the same age as Josh. Max and Elaine were their catty-corner across the street neighbors in an old residential neighborhood where the streets ran in nice logical straight lines unlike the self-conscious new developments where Tom installed wallboard. Max was the only one of Josh's friends that called him Mr. Greenwood, even though he had known him far longer than any of the others. Some of the kids called him Tom, which he didn't mind. But most of them talked to him as if he didn't have a name, which he did mind.

Max and Josh had one important thing in common besides having gone to school together since they were four. They loved to play baseball. Tom played football when he was in school and he used to think that nothing else really counted as a sport, but now with Josh and Max in the game he was a big fan.

The boys got the net set up and a volleyball game started just as Tom finished the steaks. So the steaks cooled until the first game was finished, but at least that gave the adults some time to relax, so Tom didn't complain.

They sat in plastic chairs by the pool, and Bonnie passed around some "grown-up punch." Elaine said, "Is Josh disappointed about being in the middle school for another year, now that they've taken 9th grade out of the high school?"

"When did they decide that?" said Tom. Maybe he didn't pay enough attention to such things, but Bonnie could have told him.

"About a month ago," said Bonnie. "Josh thinks it will be cool to be in the oldest grade in the school twice. I think he was fairly intimidated about going to the high school anyway, although he wouldn't admit it." She addressed her answer more to Tom than to Elaine. She consistently gave Tom's clues about Josh in ways that never implied he should already know these things.

Tom said, "That does sound like fun." Bonnie gave him an approving smile.

"Max is disappointed. He wanted to get into some of the science labs at the high school," said Elaine. She took a sip of her punch and looked disappointed as well.

"Is he in all honor classes again?" said Bonnie.

"Yes. We're hoping for some college scholarships by the time he finishes. He's a hard worker," said Elaine.

"He's just a kid. He needs to have some fun," said Tom.

"He does have fun." said Elaine.

"Did I tell you that Janet gave her notice?" said Elaine, to change the subject. Janet was a young woman at Webster's Gardens, the nursery that Elaine owned, who had been missing a lot of work lately. "I don't know how I'm going to get everything done until I can replace her," Elaine said.

"Didn't you say that she was thrilled to get this job? What happened?" said Bonnie.

"She found out she's pregnant. I think her parents are going to raise the baby, and they insisted she quit," said Elaine. "Moving shrubbery and small trees around all day is tough work." Elaine was sympathetic, but she was also short on help.

"Maybe she should've thought about getting married before she had a baby," said Tom. "Just an idea. You know..." Tom switched into a singsong theatre voice. "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Susie in the baby carriage."

He laughed his big booming laugh, and waited for his audience to respond.

Bonnie gave him a dirty look. She didn't find Tom's performances as funny in recent years.

Elaine said, "Hey, watch it. I was never married either."

Tom recomposed his face, disappointed because he didn't get a laugh, and said, "Really? I always thought you must be a widow." His attention wandered to the volleyball game. Josh got a good dig and Max tried for a spike but missed completely.

Bonnie said, "Honestly Tom. How long have we known Elaine?"

"So shoot me," said Tom, dutifully returning his attention to the ladies, although he had to miss the next point in the volleyball game. "I didn't know. I'm sorry if I offended you Elaine."

"It's OK," said Elaine.

"Max has never talked about a father," said Tom.

"No. Max has never met him," said Elaine.

Tom didn't understand why but he didn't ask because Bonnie's mother, Juliet, appeared with Marvin and Mitch just in time to eat. Bonnie ran to show her family to the chairs she already had set up for them. Tom got busy with a batch of chicken wings at the grill and waved in their general direction.

Tom tried hard to find something to like in everyone but he had to admit that Bonnie's family was not a lot of fun. Juliet was OK. She was just an older lady who hadn't had an easy life. Tom flirted with her a little now and then and that was all it took to get along with her. Trying to talk to her latest husband Marvin was a problem. An occasional grunt and a scowl were about all Tom could ever get out of him.

The young guy, Mitch, was Bonnie's half-brother. He was Juliet's son by some guy or another between Bonnie's father and Marvin, and he was bad news. Sometimes guys can tell things about other guys that you can't explain to the women. Mitch always put Tom into a state of high alert, as though an unspecified but hair-raising danger was lurking in the bushes.

Elaine rounded up the boys and got busy filling plates and pouring drinks. Tom watched Bonnie sitting under the maple tree with her crew for a little while, but by the time he finished helping Elaine making sure all the kids had enough food and went over to mingle they were leaving. He was probably in some kind of trouble. Juliet got her feelings hurt really easily and Bonnie would never hear the end of it.

Josh took his place in a plastic chair by the table on the pool deck for the gift opening ceremony. The first present was from Mom and Dad. It was an expensive fly-fishing outfit. "Thank you, Mom," he said. He jumped up and ran over to her chair and planted a loud smoochy kiss on her cheek. Bonnie was a fisherman who was always hoping to get her son more interested in her sport. Josh was beginning to get good at it, mostly because it pleased his mother so much. Bonnie beamed at him, and said, "You're more than welcome, honey. You're my favorite fishing buddy."

Josh remembered that Dad's name was also on the tag, and gave him a hug too. It occurred to him that the other kids might think this was dorky, but he really didn't care. The next present he picked up was from Matt, the total jock, and Ross, the emerging psychopath. The boys all had labels like that for each other. Josh was surprised that Matt and Ross went together on a present since that meant that some agreement must have been reached and executed, an amazing feat for that pair.

"Ta daaa, and the surprise is..." he boomed, showing off the new deepness in his voice. He ripped the paper and found a brightly painted blue and yellow birdhouse. He held it and examined it from all angles. "A birdhouse," he announced in his stage voice, and then he repeated in a small, confused voice, "a birdhouse? Why did you get me a birdhouse?"

"My sister makes them to sell. She needed the business," said Ross. Josh noticed his father laughing with the kids while his mother tried hard not to. Aunt Elaine was shaking her head.

"OK, let's try again," said Josh. He closed his eyes and reached for another gift from the pile. "And for your edification and entertainment ladies and gentlemen," he announced, "we now have, drum roll please..." Josh opened the present and found a never-opened calendar from two years ago, with pictures of New England lighthouses.

The kids, anxiously waiting, all cracked up. "OK. I sense a theme here. Let's see what the rest of you did to me," said Josh.

Manmohan gave him a book on how to plan his wedding. Lee gave him a Santa Claus costume.

Max gave him a set of lavender scented bath products. "Hey I might actually use these," said Josh. "Look in the bag again," said Aunt Elaine. In the bottom of the same gift bag, he found a very good catcher's mitt. He was stunned. He had occasionally substituted for the catcher last year and he really wanted to try out for the position this year. Wow.

"Aunt E. You are so cool. Mucho gracias," Josh said. She smiled happily at his reaction.

The adults went in the house to start a first round of cleanup and the boys were all hanging around the patio table waiting for the requisite half hour after a meal to pass so they could go back in the pool. Josh was surprised when Max said, apropos of nothing else in the conversation, "I wish my mom would take me fishing."

"Yeah, your mom is cool," said Lee. "All my mom ever does is work and shop. She'd probably scream if she saw a worm."

"You'd probably scream if you saw a worm too," said Ross.

Lee pushed Ross into the pool for that. Then Alan pushed Lee in, splashing Matthew's backpack, which meant Matt had to throw his wet backpack at Alan. Josh had to chase Matt around the yard. Matt led Josh right back to the pool, and jumped in, and then Josh and Max jumped in on top of him.

When Tom came out of the house to see what the commotion was, all of the boys were wrestling in the pool. Several of the boys looked worried that they were all about to get into trouble. They didn't need to worry. Tom wanted to play too. Tom did a cannonball, fully dressed, wallet and keys notwithstanding, into the water between Max and Josh sending a geyser of water all over the boys and much of the deck.

Bonnie and Elaine came out of the house. "Some boys never grow up," Bonnie said, trying to look disapproving.

"And some people don't know how to have fun," said Tom.

"And some of us have to get going," said Elaine. "Come on, Max. I need to get to the nursery before it closes tonight."

"Yeah, I'm coming," said Max.

Tom hauled himself out of the pool and then offered a hand to Max. He was pulling Max out of the pool when he slipped on the water he had just slopped onto the deck. Tom dropped Max back into the water and tried to direct his fall onto a raft lying nearby. A sharp pain in his left ankle made him yelp, and his landing on the raft turned out to be much more clumsy than comical.

The boys were startled, but only until Josh said, "Way to go, Pop," and began to laugh.

Bonnie said, "Are you OK?" Tom's ankle was already beginning to swell and turn color. "Seriously, Tom. That looks serious," said Bonnie. "Let me look at it."

"I'm fine. It's just a twisted ankle," said Tom. It really hurt but he didn't want to look like a fool in front of the kids.

No one had noticed Elaine leave, but she returned with a bag of frozen corn. "Put this on. It shapes itself around your ankle better than ice packs," she said.

Max went into the house to change. When he returned Tom said, "Josh, go get me an ace bandage, will you? Elaine, hold on a minute, let me walk you guys out."

Elaine was annoyed by the delay, but she didn't say anything. Josh returned with the bandage and Tom quickly wrapped his ankle. He tried putting some weight on it and it seemed sturdy enough. He took a step and it pained more than he cared to let on. He grabbed one of the baseball bats propped against the fence and made a show of using it as a cane.

"Come on, Josh, your guests are leaving," Bonnie said. Josh followed her pretending to catch with his new glove.

Elaine was struggling with two bags of leftover food from the party. "Would you guys carry these for me?" she said. Josh put the glove down and he and Max each took a bag.

The group made their way through the gate and toward the corner. Tom limped more than a little, and the women talked too quietly for him to hear. A wind gust tore the balloons from the front stoop. The blue balloons skittered across the front lawn toward the street. Tom stopped for a minute to block their path and pick them up. Then he tried to catch up to the group wincing from the pain in his ankle. He noticed a Dodge pickup truck with a rusted tailgate partway down Jefferson Street with a multicolored tarp billowing and flapping in the wind behind it.

"Did you enjoy your birthday, honey?" said Bonnie, when the group reached the corner with Tom bringing up the rear.

"Way cool. Thanks, Mom," said Josh. "Thanks again for the glove, Aunt E," he said, remembering his manners and turning around.

"You're welcome, Josh," she said, smiling. She took the grocery bag from him to carry it across the street.

"Happy Birthday, Josh," said Max.

Max made a move to cross the street, and then decided to wait for a motorcycle to go by first. The biker leaned way over rounding the corner too fast and nearly caught his exhaust pipe on the asphalt. Everyone watched, fascinated, as he skidded almost out of control when he hit the group of stones that had just flown out of Dwayne's truck, now oddly lying in the street. Our small rock shot out from under the rear tire and seemed to fly straight for Bonnie's face. She instinctively put her arms up to shield her face and Tom tried to jump into position to either shield her or shove her out of the path of the projectile, but due to his bad ankle he could not reach her in time.

She screamed as the sharp end of the rock sliced deep into the side of her neck. Blood immediately started pumping from her neck in a rhythmic fashion that Tom, shocked as he was, knew was catastrophic. She tried to tell him something and couldn't and sank to a wobbly sitting position trying to hold in the blood squirting between her fingers.

Tom saw that neither Josh nor Max, because they were standing on the other side of him, had a line of sight to the terrifying wound. The kids did not need to have that gory picture in their memories, so he grabbed his son's arms and turned him away from his mother. Potato salad and pretzels flew everywhere. "What's happening?" said Josh, squirming in his father's grip, frantic and angry at not knowing. Tom's fingers were bruising his arms.

"Your mom is hurt. I'm going to take care of her. Go back. Hurry." he said, looking over his shoulder at the same time. Bonnie was slumped over on her side, already unconscious.

Tom gave Josh a shove toward Elaine, who was already calling 911. "Get the kids out of here," he barked and then was on the sidewalk without waiting for a response, kneeling in a growing puddle of warm fragrant blood, searching with his fingers for the ends of a vein in the wound. Bonnie was getting cold.

"Don't look back," he yelled over his shoulder as Elaine shoved the boys along back toward the house and talked on the cell phone at the same time.

"Hold on honey. Hold on," said Tom, pinching what he hoped was a vein with one hand and stroking Bonnie's hair with the other. His wife lay motionless on the sidewalk, eyes closed, unable to respond. He wasn't sure if she could hear him, but he said many times, "I love you Bonnie. Please don't go."

When the ambulance crew took over Bonnie was still alive. In Tom's experience emergency people usually spent a long time working on someone before they were satisfied that it was safe to transport them to the hospital but these people acted like they couldn't get Bonnie moved fast enough, which scared the hell out of him. In the ambulance he could see that they were upset about whatever the monitor was telling them about her heart.

At the hospital they took her directly to surgery.

Tom waited and paced. Elaine called several times, but no, he didn't know anything. She was still trying to get all the kids turned over to their parents and Josh was frantic. He waited and paced some more. He had to go to the bathroom, but he was afraid to leave the waiting room. He tried not to notice the drying blood on his knees.

Finally, about an hour and a half later, a grizzled doctor came out wearing green scrubs smeared with blood across his right shoulder.

Tom jumped up from the bench where he had done nothing but fidget anyway and said, "How is my wife?"

"Please sit down," the doctor said. He sat down next to Tom and put his hand on Tom's knee. He waited for Tom to focus and then said, "I'm sorry. We lost her. She went into cardiac arrest three times, and the last time we couldn't pull her out."

Tom stared for a minute. "That can't be right," he said. "She's a fine healthy lady. She can't just die. Are you sure?"

It didn't make sense. There had to be a mistake.

He sank back onto the bench, twisting his bad ankle intentionally and welcoming the pain as something he could understand.

"I'm sorry," said the doctor again. "Too much blood loss. Can I send someone out to be with you until you collect yourself?"

"What do I do?" said Tom. He didn't want the doctor to leave. The doctor was his last connection to Bonnie. The last person to see her alive. Letting him leave was letting Bonnie be dead.

"Excuse me. I don't understand what you mean," said the doctor. Tom knew he had introduced himself but he couldn't remember the name.

"Do I take her home?" said Tom.

"Oh. You call the funeral home and they arrange to collect the body from the hospital morgue."

"Did she suffer?" Tom asked. His mind had already wandered before the doctor answered the question.

"No. She was anesthetized."

"We have a fourteen year old boy," said Tom. Surely she couldn't be dead if he explained that she was still somebody's mother.

"Who is with your son now?" said the doctor.

That brought Tom back to his senses. "My wife's best friend, Elaine," he said.

"Maybe you should call her. Elaine can give him some mother-lovin' for the initial shock."

"OK," said Tom. The doctor rose from the sticky green plastic and stuck out his hand. Tom shook it and the doctor patted him on the arm and said, "Good luck," and then he was gone.

Chapter 1.2

Josh and his father went to Bonnie's grave the weekend after the funeral to spend some time with her, more privately.

Josh sat cross-legged on the fresh grave, and his Dad stood in his ex-army at ease position next to him. It was a beautiful early September day with a hint of fall in the air. Neither of them spoke for a while. Josh cried quietly a few times.

He talked to his Mom silently. Why did you have to leave us? I can't stand how much I miss you. Moms are the people who help you with bad feelings, so what are you supposed to do when they are the ones who go? He couldn't imagine ever feeling good again.

Tom wiped his eyes a couple of times too. Josh was too miserable to notice.

Tom wouldn't have come here at all, but Josh begged and pleaded so he agreed to bring him. Tom didn't believe in wallowing in bad feelings himself but he missed Bonnie so much that it wasn't that hard for Josh to talk him into a visit.

Finally Josh said to his father, "I never thought anything like this could happen to us."

"Me neither," said Tom.

"Dad, what are we going to do?"

"Do about what exactly?" said Tom.

"I mean who's going to buy us clothes and make sure we go to the dentist?"

"Oh. I guess I'm going to have to do all that. We're going to be fine, you know. It's just going to take some getting used to," said Tom.

"I hope so," said Josh. He really didn't think his father was up to the job, but what was the point in saying so?

I've only been a single parent for a little more than a week, thought Tom, and I've already lied to the kid. He knew that they were not going to be just fine. He couldn't afford to stay in the house without Bonnie's income. He'd either have to get a second job, which would leave him no time to take care of Josh, or they'd have to move to an apartment. He could make up the difference for about six months from savings and by selling Bonnie's car, and his two current fixer-upper Mustangs, if he could find time to get the work on them done. He just couldn't bring himself to tell Josh.

Josh began to cry in earnest. Tom couldn't decide what to do for a minute. He wanted to tell him something that would make him stop crying, but then thought that Josh probably needed to cry, so Tom didn't do anything. After Josh cried for a while Tom said, "Your Mom was a fine lady. We were lucky to have her."

Josh didn't know how to respond to that but it was nice to think about something positive. His tears slowed and he wiped his runny nose on his shirtsleeve.

"Hey Dad? Your first lesson in being a Mom? You need to carry tissues with you."

Tom grinned. "I guess I'm going to need a purse, huh?"

Josh produced a weak smile. "Maybe a backpack."

"Bye, Mom," he said to the grave marker. "I'll be back soon."

"Bye Bonnie," said Tom. He felt silly but it seemed right to do as Josh did.

"Do you want to help me get the '76 Cobra ready to paint?" Tom asked as they were walking through the cemetery back to the car.

"OK. But I have to go back to school on Monday. I'm already three days behind," said Josh.

"Right," said Tom. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah, I do. A little bit," said Josh.

"Me too," said Tom. "Maybe we should do this again."

Elaine was taking advantage of a few hours of free time on a cloudy early November day to deadhead the rose bushes in the elaborate landscaping around her patio. She overheard Max and Josh talking at the patio table where Max was supposed to be helping Josh with algebra.

"He made me quit the soccer team," Josh said. "It sucks."

"How come?" said Max. "He was always into you being in sports before."

"I was supposed to take the sports bus home 'cause Mom can't pick me up anymore, but I missed it and he was mad because he had to leave work early to come get me."

"Well, why don't you just promise him that you'll never miss it again? Act real, real sorry," said Max.

"I did, and then I missed it again. We were all hanging out after practice talking about Ross's new house and I forgot."

Max laughed. "Yeah. You did do it to yourself."

"Josh, honey," said Elaine sticking her head around a dwarf spruce that was a focal point in a sea of thyme and rosemary, "I couldn't help overhearing. I would be happy to bring you home when I pick Max up. All you have to do is ask. I'll do anything I can to help out."

"Oh God, Aunt E. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I hoped you would say that." Josh looked so relieved that Elaine thought he would cry. "I would be so grateful. Dad is really bad at the parenthood stuff. Mom always did it. He helped some, but only if it was no trouble. Jeez, I miss her."

Elaine took off her leather gloves, laid her pruning shears on the table and took a seat with the boys. "I know you do," she said. "I'm sure your father does too. Try to cut him a break. He needs time to get used to the way things are now."

"I can't imagine if you died," said Max. "I only have one parent."

She was tempted to get into a discussion about him only having one parent. He was so used to the situation that the subject never came up, but she was going to have to tell him something, someday. He did have a father who was still living but she'd promised, signed a legal contract actually, that she would never tell anyone including Max who he was. Even his birth certificate said "unknown". In exchange for that promise she received a considerable amount of child support every month, always paid exactly on time through a law office. Now that she was older and Max was not an accidental pregnancy, but a young man, it seemed that making such a promise was a dumb thing to do.

"I'm not planning on dying anytime soon," said Elaine.

"I don't think Aunt Bonnie was either," said Max. He looked genuinely worried. Elaine wasn't sure how to reassure him. She thought for a minute and then said, "Accidents like that are rare."

Max seemed to be satisfied with that answer.

"Aunt Elaine, can I ask you for another favor?" said Josh. He looked so vulnerable.

"I guess that depends on what it is," she answered.

"Do you know Dr. Lowan? He's the principal at Maple Valley Middle School."

"I've never met him in person. I heard him speak at different events."

"Right. Well I never met him in person either. But he's called and left a message on the answering machine several times. He wants to have a meeting with Dad, but Dad never calls him back. Can you ask Dad to call him?"

"What do you think he wants?" said Elaine. She imagined it had something to do with Josh's performance or lack thereof at school.

"I don't know. I didn't do anything bad. I think it has something to do with Mom dying, and seeing if we're getting along OK without her. He has that kind of reputation. I think Dad is just insulted. You know. Who is he to try to supervise us?"

"So why do you want your Dad to go see him?"

"Cause, the school will think I'm a loser if he won't go."

"Fair point," said Elaine. "I'm sorry Josh, but I don't think it's my place to butt in."

"Aw, Pleeeeze, Aunt Elaine?" Josh whined, putting on those brown puppy dog eyes that parents know so well. "Pleeeeeze?" Elaine decided that she was going to be dedicating a lot of time over the next few months, if not years, to mothering this poor motherless boy.

"All right, but your Dad won't listen to him anyway. You know, you are welcome to hang out here as much as you want. I know your Dad has to work a lot, and Bonnie always used to be home in the afternoons. We'd be happy to have you."

"Thank you. I'd like that. The house seems so empty without Mom."

"It will get better with time honey. It will never completely go away, but it will get better with time."

"I don't think so, Aunt E. I can't imagine ever feeling happy again."

"That's 'cause you're young. You haven't ever experienced grief before. You don't have what older people have – a memory of recovering from it in your past."

"Hey, Mom," said Max. "How do you know that stuff?"

Elaine laughed. "I don't know. I guess I like to study people's behavior." She was glad to see that Josh looked more encouraged.

Tom caught up with the two brothers he worked for, Ray and Jack, and the other hired help, Frank, at the four thousand square foot new home that was their workplace for the next three days. The drywall on the first floor was installed except for the family room.

Ray opened a bucket of joint compound and then reached into his apron and said, "Damn. Where's my spackle knife?"

Jack said, "Don't start that again. You mean your mudd trowel."

"No I don't. I can call it whatever I want," said Ray.

The plan was to finish mudding in the living and dining rooms by lunchtime.

Tom ignored the usual bickering and found a ladder and concentrated on his work and tried not to think about his personal life, which was like trying not to think about elephants. Jack and Ray argued about a radio talk show in the living room while Tom and Frank mudded silently in the dining room. Tom worked well for an hour but his worries about Josh and money kept coming back unbidden. Then he started to think about Bonnie again and lost his concentration. He ran his knife over the same joint one too many times and pulled out the compound that he had just finished smoothing.

"Shit" he said, loudly. "I can't do anything right today."

Jack wandered in from the living room and said, "Come on down. Let's take a break."

"It's not break time yet. We can't stop in the middle of a room," Ray said, from around the corner.

Jack said, "If Tom is screwing up, then it's time for a break. Wassa matter with you?" He started pounding the top onto his mudd bucket. Ray threw Jack the finger and glared.

Tom watched them go back and forth, waiting for a decision. Having two bosses that were locked in a perpetual wrestling match did not make for a clear chain of command. Frank, on his knees in the corner, decided to chime in. He always did that and Tom always got frustrated because it only prolonged the process.

Frank said, "Tom's got a right to screw up. He's got personal problems."

"Did I say he didn't?" said Ray. "All I said was that it's not break time yet. How am I supposed to enjoy my break if I'm looking at something that's supposed to be finished and it isn't? It's not good for my disposition."

"Ok. You keep working and we'll take a break. You gotta learn to go with the flow man," said Jack.

"All I'm sayin' is that Tom's going through some serious shit. We've got to take that into account," insisted Frank, apropos of nothing.

Tom was still standing on the ladder, spackle trowel in mid motion, with his mess drying on the wall. He wiped it off, because it would be easier than having to sand it down later, but he'd have to do the section over, and he didn't know whether to start again or not.

"In case you ladies haven't noticed, this dining room isn't finishing itself while we're flapping our lips, so I guess break already started," said Jack.

Tom said, "Well now that you all finally got that figured out...."

Jack threw a rag into a trash bag and said, "Yeah?"

Tom didn't know what he meant. He said, "What yeah?"

Jack was exasperated. "Where's the rest of that sentence? Did you lose it?"

Then Tom was exasperated. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"What comes after 'Well now that you all finally got that figured out....?'"

"Oh. Right," said Tom.

Frank started to laugh. "So what comes after it? You can't just say 'right'."

Tom started to laugh too. "Since you insist, now that you all finally got that figured out, I need to go piss."

Ray said, "I'm glad we all waited for that."

When Tom came back from "flushing" the sump pump in the basement they all had food spread out on a tarp in the studded out family room, which had a cathedral ceiling and a wall of glass looking out on a corresponding wall of glass a hundred feet away. They sat on empty five gallon buckets, and used their tool boxes for end tables.

After a few minutes of eating in silence, Frank said, "So can I ask you something, Tom?"

Tom said, "OK what?"

"It must be really tough on your son to lose his mama at a young age like that."

"Technically, that isn't a question," Tom pointed out.

"God Almighty, don't start that stuff again," said Ray.

Frank ignored that, and Tom let it drop. Lately he'd been finding the jostling with the guys to be getting tiresome anyway. Frank went on, "So how's he doing, really? I feel so bad for him. A young pup like that. Right about halfway between a child and a man. I lost my Dad when I was that young. Losing Mom would've been a lot worse I think."

Tom was getting tired of acting like he was too tough to let this bother him, so instead of evading the subject as he had been doing for months now, he said, "He wants his Mom. He's always looking at me like he wants something that I don't know how to give him. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe you should try to keep him busy to keep his mind off his problems," said Ray.

"Yeah, I don't know. I can't fix what's really wrong. I can't bring Bonnie back and I don't know how to make him feel better." There was a long pause and then Tom said, "I know what I really need to do. I need to find someone else. And the sooner the better. We both have a big hole in our lives that needs to be filled."

"Don't be in a rush man. You aren't thinking straight yet," said Jack.

"Yes I am. I know exactly what to do. I just don't know how to do it."

"What are you saying?" said Frank. "You mean you have a woman in mind?"

Tom nodded. "Bonnie's best friend Elaine. She's been like a second mother to Josh all along anyway, and she's never been married. She's pretty too. All I have to do is convince her to marry us. I keep being afraid to make my first move because I don't want to start out on the wrong foot."

"I don't know man. It seems awful drastic," said Jack.

"Let me ask you something, Frank. Do you think you would've been better off if your Mom had found a new husband while you were still young?"

"You know what? I never thought about it, but now that you ask, I probably would've hated him at first, because he wasn't my Dad. But after I got used to the idea, I think it would've been better than having no Dad at all. Unless he was a bum, of course."

"Yeah. Now that you mention it, I'd get a new wife too," said Jack. "It's awful soon, but you can't raise that kid by yourself."

"Women raise kids by themselves all the time," said Ray.

"Yeah but they're women. We aren't. We don't have the right instincts," said Jack.

"OK. So we're with you, Tom," said Ray. He seemed to think that he actually had to approve of Tom's plan. He nodded solemnly. "Yep, it's a go."

"Send her lots of flowers. They always love that," said Frank.

Tom was relieved to find that they didn't all think he was crazy. He said, "She sells flowers for a living, actually." The guys laughed.

"Yeah, well you'll think of something. Good luck," said Jack.

"Yeah. Good luck man. You need to get your charming-the-ladies skills out of mothballs," said Frank. They all laughed again. They seemed to be relieved that Frank's foray into the world of feelings was over quickly.

"Yep that's it. I've got to shake off this funk that I've been in and get happy again," said Tom, with a definite nod.

"That works for us," said Ray. "You've been a pain in the ass, but you had a good reason."

Tom didn't come home from work that night until nearly eight. Josh made himself an egg sandwich for about the twentieth time, skipped his homework and played video games until he heard the truck in the driveway.

"Dad, Dad, guess what?" he said running down the stairs to meet him at the front door. Tom was exhausted from working his regular shift plus four hours of repacking wheel bearings for another car he hoped to sell, but Josh didn't notice. "Guess what?" he repeated when Tom showed no reaction.

"What?" Tom said, shedding his jacket and assorted paraphernalia on the couch, and heading for the refrigerator. The stink from the refrigerator offended both of them but not so much as to cause either of them to make any effort to locate the culprit.

"I can still get back on the soccer team, and Aunt E said she'll bring me home from practice. Cool, huh?"

"Oh. Yeah, that's good," said Tom.

Josh spent the rest of the evening trying to get his father into a conversation that he could gradually lead around to the subject of meeting with the principal, but to no avail. Tom was trying to watch a basketball game on television and he finally snapped at Josh, who just wouldn't shut up, "Do you not see that I'm tired? You try working your ass off for twelve hours straight and see how chatty you feel at night."

Josh burst into tears and ran to his room. A little while later Tom knocked on the door and came in to apologize. "Josh, I guess I better tell you something," said Tom. Tom felt sorry for the kid, but he didn't know what else to do. He had to tell him sometime.

"What?" Josh sat up in the rumpled bed and wiped his eyes.

"We might have to move. I wish we didn't, but I can't help it."

Josh was shocked. "Dad, be serious," he said. "I don't want to move. Losing Mom was bad enough. How much do you think I can take?"

"I know. I know. I wish there was some other way." Tom chewed on his lower lip. He sat next to Josh on the bed and put his hand on Josh's knee. It felt awkward. He suddenly realized that he should have set the scene better if he had something important to tell Josh, but it was too late now. Josh sat up straighter and stared at him.

"Where do you want to move to?" Josh asked, thinking that this was just a hare-brained impulse that he might be able to talk his father out of.

"Josh, listen. I'm being serious," Tom said. "I don't want to move to anywhere, like another town or anything. We have to find a place that I can afford myself. Your Mom made as much as I did. We now have half as much money every month."

"Oh shit," said Josh, eyes wide.

"Watch your mouth," said Tom. Then, grinning, glad for an opportunity to lighten things up a bit, he said, "Truth be told, I've already said enough 'oh shits' for both of us."

"Maybe I could get a job," said Josh. "Could we stay here then?"

"Hmmm," said Tom. "I never thought of that. It's real nice of you to offer."

"Would it work? I could work after school and Saturdays." He looked hopeful. Tom was impressed.

"I really appreciate the offer. But you wouldn't be able to make enough money for what we need. Besides, what about sports?"

"I don't want to move!" Josh said. "I'll do anything. Tell me what to do."

"It won't be so bad. We'll find an apartment near a park where you can still play outside."

"A freaking apartment? Is that it? That sucks!"

"Try to look on the bright side," said Tom. "I'm doing the best I can."

"There isn't any bright side," said Josh. "What is the bright side?"

Tom tried to think of one quickly. He wished he had thought about this conversation in advance. He tucked that thought away for future reference. Josh was waiting for an answer.

"You'll be able to walk to school and stuff like that until you're old enough to drive," he said.

"Big deal," said Josh. "I know you can't help it. I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad at the world."

Tom was touched. "You're a good kid, you know that?" he said.

"So when do we have to move?" Josh asked.

"I guess in three or four months. I have to find an apartment, and get this house sold. It will take some time."

"Hey Dad, in case you haven't noticed, the house is a pig sty."

"Yeah, I know. We're going to have to spend our weekends packing and cleaning. We'll make a game out of it."

"Yippee." Josh made a face.

"I guess maybe we didn't appreciate Mom enough," Tom said.

"I guess we didn't." Josh sighed and then looked his father straight in the eyes and said, "Can we get a new Mom? I mean, not like anybody else would ever really be my Mom or anything like that. But I'd be good. I wouldn't give her any trash."

Tom didn't know what to say. He didn't want to admit that he was thinking the same thing. He finally cocked an eyebrow indicating that it wasn't a totally stupid idea and said, "It's a little soon isn't it?"

"I'll be good. I swear," said Josh.

"You're nuts," said Tom's mouth, but his eyes did not agree.

They hugged and then Tom sat with Josh and stroked his hair for a long while. Josh thought it was a bit on the babyish side, but since his father was making an attempt to be comforting, he didn't resist and he did fall asleep feeling more cared for. Tom sat for a long time watching him sleep and tried to get his tired brain to tell him how on earth to be both a mother and a father. He had always considered males and females to be practically different species. He did a good job of spelling out his problem, but he could only see one solution. Josh's solution. Well maybe it was really his solution. Hey at least they agreed.

He finally left Josh's room when the phone rang. It was Elaine, the woman who was beginning to inhabit the spaces in the back of his mind.

After the pleasantries and small talk, Elaine said, "I know it's not my place to interfere, but it's important to Josh that you speak with Dr. Lowan at the school. Josh is afraid the school will think no one cares about him, and then they won't care about him either. I wanted to make sure you know."

"I do care about him. A lot," said Tom. "I can't believe you think that."

"I didn't say I think that. Josh is afraid of what Dr. Lowan thinks."

"Fine," said Tom, wearily. "I'll have to take off of work again." He didn't need to start off by disagreeing with Elaine when she was doing something motherly.

"I'm only trying to help," said Elaine.

"I know. I know. Good night," said Tom.

Tom lay awake for most of the night in the bed that still smelled of Bonnie's skin lotion, wondering if he could find a new wife in the next few months, and for more reasons than money. Josh needed a mother. Tom needed to be part of a family too. Thoughts of Elaine floated around in his head and he tried unsuccessfully to push them away.

Chapter 1.3

Josh and Tom spent most of their free time, which wasn't much, in the first months after Bonnie died doing body work in the garage. It helped keep them busy and working through some of their emotions together with their muscles and although Josh didn't know it they raised three thousand dollars that they desperately needed to keep afloat when the first Mustang was sold. They visited Bonnie every Sunday afternoon.

Josh was home alone for a teacher's in-service day, watching baseball on TV, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door he was surprised to see Mitch standing there. "Hi Josh," he said. "I thought you might like a little company."

"I'm not allowed to have people in when there is no adult here," Josh said. Of course he exercised that rule at his own discretion, depending on who was knocking, but in this case he felt the need to be good.

"Don't be like that," said Mitch. "I'm not people. I'm your uncle."

"What do you want?" said Josh.

"Nothing," said Mitch. "Never mind. I'm leaving." He turned to go.

"Wait," said Josh. "I'm sorry if I was rude."

Mitch turned back. "Are we going to stand here at the door all day?" he said.

Josh let him in and went back to the TV. Mitch sat on the couch, tried to act interested in the game for a few minutes, and then began to fidget. "Want to play pool?" he asked.

"OK," said Josh. He loved to play pool, and seldom had a worthy opponent. They went down into the basement, and began to play. Mitch was very good. Even at fourteen Josh was almost as good. They had a great time playing all afternoon, and lost track of time, until Josh heard his father coming in upstairs. He gave Mitch a look that meant we're in trouble now and Mitch gave him a devilish grin back.

Josh heard his father's puzzled voice come down the steps. "Josh, who's down there with you?"

"It's just me. Mitch," Mitch said back up the steps and winked at Josh.

To Josh's total astonishment, it was less than a minute before his father was in the basement with a look on his face that Josh had never seen before. It was somewhere between powerful and ferocious. If he had his old army rifle he would have put it right between Mitch's eyes, but it was lucky for them that he didn't.

Tom grabbed Mitch by the back of his shirt collar and marched him up the steps. Mitch did not resist.

At the front door, Tom shoved Mitch out so hard he ended up sprawled across a bush beside the front walk. "Come back again and I'll beat the ever-loving shit out of you, I swear to God," said Tom and slammed the door without waiting for any response.

"What the heck was that all about?" said a frightened Josh.

"He smells bad," said Tom.

"What!?" said Josh.

"He smells bad," said Tom. And that was all the explanation that Josh ever got.

Josh decided not to wait for his father to be fatherly and figured he should drop by the principal's office himself between classes. He wasn't sure what he expected to accomplish, but maybe Dr. Lowan did have some way of helping them. It couldn't hurt to find out.

The secretary told him to wait. She was very kind. Everyone at school knew about his mother. She came back and said he was in a meeting, but he would try to see Josh in a few minutes. "Are you OK, honey?" she asked. "We all wish there was something we could do."

"Yeah, we're OK," he said. He didn't really like the attention his situation was causing with his teachers and the staff. He felt like a freak or something.

Dr. Lowan came out with a big smile and motioned for Josh to come into his office. Josh smiled too. He was tired of seeing pity on everyone's faces. Dr. Lowan was one of the tiniest adult men Josh had ever seen, which couldn't be an advantage in a building containing 800 kids between the ages of eleven and fourteen. "So Josh," he said. "We were all very sorry to hear about your loss. But you seem to be coping well, from what I hear. That's great." He was still grinning from ear to ear. Josh felt relaxed with him. Josh was surprised that Dr. Lowan knew his name, but then he remembered that he was now a special case.

"I'm OK, I guess. It's not easy," said Josh. He suddenly wanted to spill everything that was on his mind, but he didn't know where to start.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No, it's just me and my father now," said Josh.

"I see," said Dr. Lowan. "And what about extended family? Do you have grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins?"

"Not really. I mean, there's Aunt Elaine, who's not really my aunt, just my mother's best friend. Max Webster, who goes here too, is her son. They live across the street from us. I have a couple other relatives but they have their own problems. My Dad has a brother that we don't see much, and his Mom and Dad passed away. I don't much remember them."

"So it's mostly just you and your Dad then. How is he doing?"

"Dad is Dad. He's doing OK. I mean he never lets anything get to him. He says we're going to have to move. To an apartment, cause we don't have enough money to keep paying for the house without Mom. I probably wasn't supposed to tell you that. But the school is going to know when my address changes, aren't they?"

"Why shouldn't you tell me that?"

"Well, I guess because Dad wouldn't like anyone to know that he can't do it all himself."

"Oh, I see. What about you, Josh? How is your schoolwork going?"

"I don't really care about it, to tell you the truth. It doesn't seem very important. I wish I could drop out of school and get a job, but I'm too young." He felt really weird about telling the principal of the school that he didn't care but everything was different now.

"That's understandable," said Dr. Lowan.

"You're not supposed to tell kids not to care about school are you? That's messed up."

Dr. Lowan laughed. "I didn't say you shouldn't care. I said it was understandable that you don't right now. You've been through a big shock. And you're worried about moving. You have real problems on your mind. It's not like you don't care because you want to play all the time."

"I always liked sports more than school anyway," said Josh. "I mostly am into baseball. I really want to be the catcher next season. But I'm playing soccer this fall to stay active until next spring. I might do winter track, too."

"Would you mind stopping by to see me from time to time? I'd like to know how you're doing."

"Yeah, OK. I might do that. Thanks." Josh got up and turned to leave. Dr. Lowan came around his desk and walked him to the door. Josh felt better, although all he did was answer a few questions. "Tell your Dad I'd like to talk to him, if he has time."

"I'm supposed to make an appointment for him while I'm here. That's mostly why I came by," Josh lied. They set up an appointment for the next week. Josh wasn't sure yet how he was going to handle it with Dad, but he'd figure something out.

"Hang in there, Josh. You're doing great, so far," said Dr. Lowan. "It's going to take some time before you feel like yourself again."

Josh suddenly got teary-eyed as he walked away. He didn't feel like he was doing great.

Josh shook the mood off when the excitement of the soccer game began. The game was against one of the other two middle schools in the same district. Josh was always good at defense, and great at passing, but usually he lacked the killer instinct when it came time to try to score. He tried of course, whenever he got the chance, and sometimes succeeded, but this game was different.

Josh was assigned to play wingback, as usual. Two of the boys from Josh's birthday party were on the team. Matthew was a forward, and Ross was a full-back. Oak Ridge scored first, and then possession went back and forth without a shot taken by either side for the next fifteen minutes. Josh became more and more impatient. Oak Ridge attacked and Ross stripped the ball from their striker and sent a long pass forward to Matthew. Josh saw that Matthew was not going to get into position to get the pass in time, and moved to intercept it midfield. Instead of relaying it forward as he was supposed to, he drove toward the goal with it himself.

In the confusion that followed his breaking of formation no one responded as they had been trained to do and Josh took advantage. He made a move as though to pass it to his team's striker, and then spun and nailed a ferocious kick toward the left corner of the goal. The goalie dove for it and missed and Josh's kick scored. At the next break, Coach Ripkan slapped him on the back and said, "Great. Way to make things happen. Play your position, next time."

'Yeah, make things happen,' Josh thought. He was sick of stuff happening to him. He was going to start making things happen. At least on the field. At the next opportunity he robbed his own midfielder of the ball and tried to do it again, but this time he missed. Everyone was furious. Then Ross decided to play along and started sending passes to Josh that should have gone elsewhere according to the team's strategy. Josh scored again, and everyone's play began to revolve around what unpredictable move Josh was going to make next. Coach Ripkan yelled every few minutes for everyone to play their positions but it did not happen. Oak Ridge scored again, Maple Valley scored twice more, partly due to Josh's assists, and the game ended with a Maple Valley victory. When it was over Coach Ripkan said, "Greenwood, what the hell got into you? Keep some of that bottled up will you? We might need it someday."

Josh, flushed with excitement, said, "Just go with it, Coach." Ripkan rolled his eyes.

"Hey bro. What the f?" said Matthew, in the locker room. "Were you fighting them or me?"

"You know what? I'm getting sick of losing. If you don't play hard enough, I'll have to do it for you." said Josh.

"We only lost once," said Ross. "Get a grip man."

Matthew punched him in the arm. "So, you're going to be the star now? This is going to be fun."

"Damn straight," said Josh. He felt better than he had since his mother died. He tucked that bit of information away in the back of his mind. It would come in handy from time to time, to know how to take out his feelings, and feel right again, whenever he needed to. Coach could just get over it.

When Josh got home from the soccer game, thanks to Aunt Elaine, he decided that nothing was going to get done unless he did it and he was sick of living in a house that looked like a ransacking that had never been reported. He realized that he made more of the mess than his father did, but it still didn't seem right that he should be burdened with the cleaning. He started with the kitchen. He immediately ran into a problem because he couldn't find any trash bags in the house. He could walk six blocks to a store to get some, but by the time he got back, he would have lost too much time. He decided to improvise by putting all the trash and rotten food into the bathtub. Either his father could get some bags or not be able to bathe. That would make him share the problem.

He turned up some old Rolling Stones very loud on the stereo and got to work, dancing and singing, to make it more fun. An hour later when he had the dishes washed and put away and everything nasty disposed of, he couldn't find any cleaning sprays or paper towels to use on the counter, so he used a clean sock that he didn't like anyway and shampoo. It seemed to work. At least the counter looked a lot better than it did before. He swept the floor and dumped the dustpan behind the garage. He used the shampoo to wash the floor, and then made a shopping list that he taped to the front of the refrigerator. One room down and six to go. He hoped that his Dad would be impressed but that wasn't really the point. He just wanted to live better than this, no matter how his Dad reacted.

Josh wanted to make a nice dinner, partly because it was better than doing homework but mostly because he was sick of spaghetti and pizza, but he couldn't find much to work with. He ended up making fried potatoes with onions and some pork chops he found in the freezer. It wasn't too hard to figure it out how to cook them, once he found the assortment of cookbooks on a shelf by the back door. He even fixed some frozen green beans. It was funny how when Mom wasn't pestering him to eat some vegetables, he discovered that he missed them.

Tom came home earlier than usual that night. "Real Food!" he said. "Will you marry me?"

"You'd better look in the bath tub before you get carried away," said Josh.

"I need to use the bathroom anyway," said Tom. When he came back, he popped open a beer, and said, "What is that all about? You thought the smell of the bathroom wasn't bad enough?" Tom began to fix himself a plate to take into the living room and watch the news.

"No trash bags," said Josh. "How about we eat here? I spent all afternoon cleaning the kitchen. Let's eat at a clean table like normal people."

Tom obediently sat down and they filled their plates.

"Okay. I guess I need to go to the store."

"There's a list on the refrigerator. You better go tonight if you want to shower tomorrow morning."

"Hey, who's in charge around here?"

"No one. That would seem to be the problem. No offense," said Josh.

Tom didn't like Josh trying to take over, but he could hardly complain about what he was doing, and he sure did like the pork chops, so he decided not to respond to that. The phone rang and Josh listened while his father said, "Uh huh, yes, the thing is..." to someone who apparently didn't let him finish any sentence for four or five minutes. Finally Tom got out a full sentence. "No. I have serious money problems of my own. I can't help." The one-sided conversation went on for five more minutes and then Tom said, "I can't. I just can't. I'm sorry."

When Tom sat back down to his cold pork chops, Josh asked, "What was that all about?"

"Your grandmother. Something about back school taxes. I don't have any money to lend her."

"Oh," Josh said. He continued to eat without comment.

At 5:30 the next morning, Tom slapped the alarm twice and finally got out of bed and made his way to the shower, half asleep. He pulled back the shower curtain and the stench from the garbage that Josh had put into the tub the night before hit him in the face like a bucket of wet fish guts. He opened his mouth to yell an obscenity in the direction of Josh's bedroom but couldn't because he started to retch. He threw up in the toilet, and then to his own surprise, he started to cry. He flushed and sat with his back to the side of the tub, and sobbed until the tears ran their course. He then discovered that he had a headache from crying, but also that some knot that he hadn't realized until that moment was clogging up his insides seemed to be gone. He felt more ability to look forward instead of feeling like he was frozen in time. He washed his face, bemused by the fact that having an emotional meltdown made him feel better rather than making him into a disturbed invalid as he would have imagined. He cocked his head to the side and said to his tear swollen reflection, "Well then. Now you can stop being such a pussy."

He went to the store for the trash bags and was back and had the tub cleaned out before Josh got out of bed. He didn't say one word to Josh about the mess. In fact he even made him scrambled eggs and bacon.

Josh got home from soccer practice to an empty house again, ate another egg sandwich and spent another hour cleaning. As he cleaned he fussed and worried about how to get his father to visit Dr. Lowan. He finally decided to try to convince Dad that Mom would want him to go. Josh was ready, but Tom didn't come home until almost eight. Then when Tom did finally get home he said that he didn't have time to talk because he was going out.

"Where are you going?" demanded Josh, extremely frustrated.

"I'd rather not say," said Tom. He looked smug and secretive.

"If you're looking for an apartment, could I come with you?"

"No. That's not it."

"So what is it then? Come on, Dad. I hardly ever see you."

"Are you sure we're not married?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. If we were married, I would have boobs and I'm pretty sure I don't."

"Good thing. That would ruin your chances of scoring with the ladies when you get a little older."

"Yeah, probably. Where are you going?" Josh knew that it wasn't hard to wear Dad down. He was not determined enough about anything to stick to his guns.

"Oh, all right. I thought I'd drop over to Elaine's house and see if they need anything."

"What?" Josh stared at him. "If they need anything? Don't we need enough around here? Aunt Elaine is the one helping me, with rides, and school supplies, and whatnot."

"See. That's why I didn't want to tell you."

"What the hell are you doing, Dad?"

"Watch your mouth," Tom said. Josh smirked. If he was going to have to grow up fast, he'd talk any way he liked.

"It's none of your business, actually," said Tom. He pushed away from the table, and started putting on his jacket. Josh knew he could wear him down again if he wanted to, but there was an easier way to handle this. Since he was feeling frustrated with Tom anyway, he blurted out, "Oh by the way you have an appointment with Dr Lowan on Friday at three, and if you don't keep it they're going to give me detention."

"Yes, ma'am," said Tom.

After he left, Josh did the dishes, waited an extra ten minutes and then went across the street to ask Max's advice about some social studies homework that he didn't intend to do anyway.

Chapter 1.4

Tom knocked on Elaine's front door and waited. It had been almost two decades since he was in the dating game. He shook out his shoulders, and pasted his biggest, cutest, friendliest smile on his face. The trick was simple. Just act as if you already knew that she was thrilled to see you and don't give her a chance to consider otherwise. It always used to work.

When Elaine opened the door and saw Tom, she said, "Is everything OK? Is Josh OK?"

It wasn't the reaction the Tom was hoping for, but he smiled even wider and said, "Oh, sure. I came to see you. How're you doing?"

"Oh." She looked confused, but she said, "Well, come on in then." She was wearing jeans and an attractive blue sweater that Tom was very careful not to look at directly. He stepped into the living room and said, "Your house is lovely. I can't remember the last time I was inside. I think you must have done some new decorating."

The house did have a certain feel to it. Soft and cozy, but not overly girly. Certainly everything seemed like it was planned to look coordinated, with lots of shades of rose and green. He felt her pause, so he pushed on with, "It must be hard for you, doing it all yourself. I wonder if there is anything I could do to help you out."

"Thank you," she said. "I don't think much is different since you've been here. Maybe a few pillows or something."

"You're very talented. Don't be so modest," he said.

Max was on the couch, watching TV. "Hi Max," Tom said, tilting an imaginary hat in Max's direction.

Max looked at Tom, chuckled, and said, "Hey. Dude."

"Max," said Elaine. "Your manners."

"Mom!" said Max, mimicking her tone, with a hint of shaking his head as though at a silly child. "Your slip is showing." Then he broke into a wide grin and started to giggle.

"I apologize," Elaine said to Tom, pointedly ignoring Max. "I don't know what's gotten into him."

Undaunted, Tom said, "No problem. Are you going to keep me standing by the door all night?" He was still smiling affectionately, as though they'd already been close for a long time.

"This is going to be good," Max said to no one in particular.

"Come on out in the kitchen," Elaine said to Tom with a sideways look at Max that seemed to signify that this was not what he thought. Of course, it was exactly what he thought, but Tom didn't care. Step one was accomplished. He was in her house, hanging out around the kitchen table, which was probably farther than most other guys ever got with her.

Elaine offered him coffee and fresh brownies. She definitely had more going for her than the fact that she was the only single woman of an appropriate age that Tom knew. Attractive, smart, and a good homemaker, and she seemed to have some money too. Probably good in bed, he surmised, since she seemed to be good at everything else. She caught his eyes wandering over her figure when she turned to ask him how he liked his coffee. Oops.

"Tom, we're just friends," she said. "Bonnie's only been gone a few months."

"Hey, friends are a good thing," said Tom, trying to recover from his gaffe. "Let's just see what develops. No pressure or anything."

"Nothing is going to develop," she said. "Put that thought right out of your mind." She paused to make sure he got the point and then said, "But I've wanted to talk to you about how Josh is doing. I'm concerned about him."

"Yeah. Being a single parent is tough."

"I know. I've been doing it for fourteen years."

"How come?"

"What do you mean, how come?"

"Why didn't you ever get married?"

"Oh. I'd rather not talk about it."

"Do you like girls?" Tom thought he'd better get that possibility out of the way from the beginning.

Elaine laughed, but her eyes glared at the same time. "No. It's not that."

"So, what is it then? You're cute as a button. There must have been guys interested."

"Don't you think you're being a little pushy?"

"Nope. I'm just making conversation," Tom said. "People generally like to talk about themselves. For example, is there something wrong with me? Do I have cooties or something?"

"There's nothing 'wrong' with you. You're not my type. That's all."

Tom heard Max snickering behind the wall by the doorway. "I was thinking," Tom said, more for Max's benefit than for Elaine's, "that we could do something with the kids, like take them go-cart racing or something. They'd have a good time."

The snickering stopped. Max came into view. "Mom, please?" he said.

"Max, were you invited into this conversation?" she said.

"I'm sorry. But please?"

Josh's head appeared around the same wall. "Yeah, please, Aunt E? I know he's a dork, but you could just pretend to like him for a day."

Tom gave Josh a dirty look, and Josh grinned at him and said, "You're real smooth Dad. Trying to hit on the neighbor lady with kids around."

Tom gave up. His facial expression and posture changed back into a more natural state. "What are you doing here anyway?" he said to Josh.

"Spying on you."

Tom sighed. "I'm sorry," he said to Elaine. "You can't blame a guy for trying, can you?"

"I'm flattered," said Elaine. "Not interested, but flattered."

"That's all very nice but what about the go-cart races?" said Max. "We still want to go."

"It's OK with me," said Elaine. "Do you still want to go?" she asked Tom.

"Sure. Why not?"

The boys cheered and roughhoused their way back into the living room.

"So, seriously, how is Josh doing?" Elaine asked when they were gone.

"Seriously, better than I am. I hate to admit it."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I miss her too. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Besides marry me? Just kidding," said Tom. Elaine gave him a beautiful smile. He wanted to touch her. "No. I mean there's nothing anyone can do. I have to try harder to get the hang of being the serious parent. I was always the fun parent."

"You could try to be both at the same time."

"Is that what you do?"

"Kind of. The trick is, you have to read what he needs at a given time, not what would make you feel better. He needs to know that someone is still taking care of him, but not too much. That you like him enough to want to have fun with him, but that some things are serious. It's a tricky balancing act."

"Wow. How did you learn that?"

"I did my research. I didn't have a father either and my mother thought I wasn't interesting until I was old enough to have political arguments. I wanted to do it better." Elaine sighed, and straightened her hair.

"Hmm. I don't think either of my parents ever had a political argument. The day-to-day stuff was more than they could handle, without worrying about the fate of the world. My Dad was the type that thought kids were the woman's problem. I guess I didn't fall too far from that tree. All Mom cared about was which of her sisters said what to who, behind somebody's back, the stuck-up hussy. You get the idea."

"Are your parents still living?"

"No. They died within a year of each other, in their early sixties, from lung cancer and a heart attack.

"I'm sorry. So, maybe you can't model your parenting skills on your own parents. So you need a new model."

"Right. That's interesting. But see, I uh, damn, I'm not used to talking about this kind of stuff, um, what I'm trying to say is, well, it just doesn't feel like me, to be strict about housework or homework, or anything like that. I always hated that stuff too. It's like I'm a big phony." Tom made a face like he smelled something nasty.

"Oh, I see your point. So you want to get a new wife as soon as possible to take over the chores."

"Damn, Elaine. You don't miss a trick do you?"

"So what does the lady get out of this deal?"

Tom chuckled. "Somebody to have fun with. Sex. A date for the Christmas party at work."

Elaine laughed. "I guess that's not so bad."

Tom said, "So come on Elaine. I spilled my guts to you. Tell me the truth about why you aren't interested in dating anyone."

"All right. I guess that's fair." Elaine nodded toward the back door, and motioned for Tom to follow her out onto the patio.

"Jeez, why all the cloak and dagger?" he said, when they took their seats at the patio table.

"This isn't any of the kids' business," she said. "So here's the situation. I can't have the man I really want, and I'm not interested in anyone else."

"Is it Max's father?"

"Yes."

"Are you still seeing him in secret?" Tom said.

"No. I haven't seen him for years. Since before Max was born, actually."

"And you're still carrying the torch? I'm not saying this to hit on you, but really, isn't that too long to pine over the one that got away?"

"He is someone special."

"Yeah. Right. So special that he doesn't want to know his son. He sounds like a creep to me." Tom instantly regretted being so abrupt when he saw the flash of pain on her face. "No offense," he added hopefully.

"It's a complicated situation," said Elaine.

"Do you by any chance have a beer around here somewhere?" Tom asked.

"Sorry. I have some wine," she said.

"Yes please," said Tom. When she returned with it he took a sip, a strange taste he hadn't had for years. He kind of liked it though. Elaine just watched his face and laughed.

"Is he married to someone else?" Tom asked, swirling his wine around in the glass.

"No. Surprisingly enough, he never got married either."

"So that gives you hope, I suppose. He's somewhere wishing he had you too. Is that it?"

"Maybe. I don't have to explain myself to you," said Elaine rather resentfully. "You're the one trying to move on too fast."

Tom ignored that remark. Her story was more interesting than his. "Maybe he's gay," he said.

"I don't think so. It's not that. I really can't tell you anymore."

"Hey, you were giving me advice. Now let me give you some. No guy is worth that much sacrifice. We're really not all that different on the inside. Fairly simple creatures, really."

Elaine laughed and Tom felt a pull of affection. He was dragging out the conversation, and forcing himself to be more revealing than he ever was with anyone else because he was enjoying being with her so much. It was funny how she liked him better when he wasn't putting on a show. He found that very confusing.

"You guys are different on the outside then. In lots of ways," she said.

"In the physical appearance department, you mean? And in the equipment department?"

She laughed again. He wished he could hear her laugh every day.

"You know what I mean. Different careers, different skills, different amounts of knowledge on different subjects. You compete with each other over everything. Sports. Business. Politics. Religion. If you're all so much alike, why can't any of you ever get along?"

"Oh, that. That's just what we do to keep busy between meals and rolls in the hay."

She laughed again. "So I should take any man who's available? There's no difference really, is that it?"

"The only difference that matters is whether he really loves you or not."

"I never thought I'd hear a guy say that." Elaine looked amazed.

"I never thought I'd say that either. I took Bonnie for granted and now she's gone. I'll always be sorry I didn't try harder to make her happier."

"I think she was usually happy. Most of the time. Nobody's life is perfect," said Elaine, feeling a little more charitable toward Tom.

"Thank you. That's a very kind thing to say."

"I mean it."

"Hey, I think I should get going. Thank you for the coffee and brownies, and the conversation. I really enjoyed myself." Tom rose and opened the sliding door for Elaine.

To his surprise, she gave him a peck on the cheek. "I did too," she said. "Don't forget about taking the kids go-carting. Maybe this weekend."

"He's not worth it," Tom said. "Whoever he is."

"You really don't know anything about it," said Elaine.

Josh climbed down from the side of the tub, where he had been standing to eavesdrop on the entire conversation from the bathroom window, and went back to Max's room.

"I think my Dad and your Mom are trying to hook up," he told Max.

"Do we want them to?" said Max.

"I do," said Josh.

"I do too," said Max. "Let's try to push them together from both our sides. Piece of cake."

"Deal," said Josh.

Tom decided to keep the appointment that Josh had made for him with the principal, even though it meant missing another half day of work. To Tom's surprise, he seemed like an OK guy. Not the stuck-up, know-it-all, virtuously-mean type that Tom vaguely expected anyone in authority at a school to be. After the condolences and the pleasantries were over, Dr. Lowan got to the point. "Mr. Greenwood, I'm glad you could find the time to come in, because we're all concerned about Joshua."

Tom stiffened in expectation that he was about to get a scolding for being a bad parent, which he already knew, but he didn't want to hear it from someone else.

Lowan continued, "We've had other students at this school who have suffered the loss of a parent, and some of them have had significant emotional problems, so we're trying to keep a close eye on Josh. I have to say, you must be doing something right. He's doing much better than any of us expected."

Tom was too surprised to answer. Lowan waited for Tom to comment and when nothing was forthcoming he went on, "Has he been in private counseling?"

"No. Is he supposed to be?" Tom said, thinking that this was the part he had probably screwed up.

"Well, that's your call. I just thought that he must be getting help somewhere, given how well he seems to be adjusting."

"Oh. Well, I never thought about it. Now that you mention it, the doctor said something about that when my wife died. I forgot all about it."

"Mostly, I wanted to talk to you about the counseling services that are available through the school district, to see if you needed that kind of help from us. What do you think?"

"Well, I appreciate your concern, I really do. But no one else can miss his mother for him, can they? I don't see where the benefit is, honestly," said Tom.

"If he just misses his mother, the poor kid, he's doing great. You never know. Some kids are tortured by guilt, because they couldn't save them, or maybe lose their ability to trust anyone, because they might die too, for example. Those are the kind of things to watch out for."

"Oh, right, I see what you mean. This is interesting, actually. He doesn't trust me, but he never did. I don't think he feels guilty, but I'm going to check that out."

"Why doesn't he trust you, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Because I'm not very dependable. I never was."

Lowan laughed. "You're all he's got now, from what he tells me, so you might want to work on that just a little bit. You are as honest as the day is long, I must say that. That's a good sign."

"Jeez, man, you're embarrassing me," said Tom.

"I'm sorry."

"Ok, I'll tell you one thing that I think might be a problem. I think sometimes he's mad at his mother for leaving him and at me for being the one who lived, even though his mind knows that no one did any of this on purpose. But to me that seems like a perfectly natural reaction."

"Yes, it is. That's well recognized as one of the stages of the grieving process."

"Oh," Tom said. "I didn't know that there was such a thing as stages of the grieving process."

"You might want to read up on it. I can recommend some books."

"OK, thanks. Maybe there is more to all this psychology stuff than I thought. I always thought it was like paying money to someone to tell you to behave yourself and eat your peas."

Lowan laughed again. He seemed to be actually enjoying himself. "A lot of people think that. But it can be very helpful. I was trained as a psychologist before I became an educator. Although the truth is that I mostly wanted to see for myself if there were any major problems here, and then I would've tried hard to convince you to get some professional support."

"So you don't really think there is any major problem?" asked Tom. He was trying hard to keep up with the rapid influx of impressions: that there were people who studied such things, that he was dumb for not knowing about any of that, but that he seemed to be doing well anyway, that there were things he needed to watch Josh for, but that Josh had already passed all those tests.

"I don't think so. But let me ask you a question. You don't have to answer unless you feel comfortable."

"OK," said Tom.

Dr. Lowan's phone rang but he pushed a button to silence it. "How do you feel about being a single parent?"

"If you really want to know the truth, I feel, uh, like I, I guess something like I'm in fifth grade and this is a senior assignment. Being responsible for shaping someone is too far above me. I left that up to my wife. I always thought that was how nature worked. It just comes naturally to the women."

"You're instincts are basically good. I can tell that from talking to Josh," said Dr. Lowan. "What you seem to be missing is accepting that the job has fallen to you now. Getting used to the big change in your life. That takes some time, I know."

"I really do want to do right by Josh. I just don't feel like I know what I'm doing, so I try mostly to leave well enough alone, so I don't mess anything up."

"Here's something I've noticed in my line of work. The parents who really mess up the job--and sometimes it's worse than you could possibly imagine--they're the ones that never think it's their fault. But you're just being hard on yourself. Maybe you needed some time to mourn for your wife before you took up a new challenge."

"That's a very kind thing to say," said Tom.

"Please feel free to contact me if you want any advice. I can recommend books, and give you names if you want."

"All right. Thank you."

Tom thought for a minute and then decided to blurt out something that was really on his mind, to his own surprise. "So now, since you're an expert and everything, can I ask you about something else?"

"Sure. If it's not too terribly personal. I can only go so far as a principal," said Dr. Lowan.

"OK, so let's see if you can field this ball. How do I get a very nice woman I know, who already is like a mother to Josh, to consider dating me instead of pining away for a man who left her many years ago?"

"Well. That was a radical change of subject." Dr. Lowan thought for a moment. "Psychology isn't about making someone else do something you want. But since I like you, and since it is an interesting question, I'll give you some hints. Here is what not to do. Don't try to tell her not to feel that way about him, or that he was no good anyway, or in any way try to talk her out of feeling how she feels. That will just make her argue with you in her own mind. Give her some sympathy for what she's been through, maybe, if you can do it genuinely. She'll know if you're faking it. And she won't give up on loving a memory until she's ready. There's nothing else you can do."

Tom looked at him in amazement. "That's so obvious. Why didn't I see it that way?"

"Not really. It's only putting treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself into action. It's just inside knowledge about how people really like to be treated."

"Even women." Tom said it as a confirmation, not a question.

"Good Lord, man. Especially women. And children."

"Right. Well, then. This has been very educational. I thank you for your time."

"You are extremely welcome. Would you like to stop in again in a few months to touch base? Besides the regular teachers' conferences, I mean?"

"Yes, I'd like that."

"Stop by the desk on the way out and Mrs. Clancy will give you the reading list."

Chapter 1.5

Tom and Elaine couldn't coordinate their schedules to take the boys to ride go-carts until the middle of December. In the meantime, when he couldn't sleep at night, Tom read all the books that Dr. Lowan recommended, and bought a few more on the Internet. He began to expand from books about grieving, some of which he tried unsuccessfully to lend to Josh, into books about different personality types. He suspected that he was partially compensating for his loneliness with reading, but he didn't see anything terribly wrong with that. And he was learning a lot, which he hoped might come in handy to impress Elaine.

As they stood at the railing watching the kids whiz around the track, Elaine said, "Josh seems to be doing better."

Tom said, "Do you really think so? Honestly?"

"Yes, really. I know he's very disappointed about moving. Losing his Mom and his home in the same year is awfully hard. But he's not so..., I don't know. He doesn't have that deer in the headlights look in his eyes anymore."

"I know what you mean. I didn't help matters for a while there, because I was in shock myself. But I've gotten much better at making him feel secure."

"He's become the star of the soccer team, they tell me."

"I know. I wish I could take off on the afternoons of the games to watch him play, but I always have to work. I'm going to do it at least once this fall. How's Max doing in wrestling?"

"Just medium, I would say. But he's always threatening to become such an introverted academic nerd, that I think it's helping him stay well rounded. And he likes it. He doesn't care that he's not a star. So it's OK."

"That's good. I've been thinking about our problem with the mortgage payments. Technically we can stay in the house, but it's a bad money decision. But I'm leaning toward doing it anyway for Josh's sake. What do you think?" Tom leaned into the railing so that he could look more directly into Elaine's eyes.

"How bad a money decision, if you don't mind telling me?" she said.

"I don't mind. I don't have any secrets. I found out that we can get a little bit of social security benefits from Bonnie, which helps some. The other part is that we have sixteen years left on a thirty-year mortgage. If I refinance the balance over a new thirty-year term, I would be able to make the payments on my own. But it would cost a fortune in interest over the long term."

"I see. It's not that completely terrible a money decision. It's probably better than not owning a home at all, if you count for the facts that you'd have nothing to show for rent payments, and the house will appreciate over the years. And there's the tax deduction."

Elaine's face became animated. "But the main thing is that Josh would be much happier. He's moping around my place dreading the move all the time. Do it for him is my vote. My emphatic vote."

Tom smiled at her with genuine affection. "OK. You convinced me. I guess I'm not used to making decisions without talking it over with Bonnie. She was always so logical."

"That must be hard to get used to. I always had to do it all myself. Tell him today. I'd like to see his reaction. You have no idea what good news this would be for him."

When the boys came off the track and they all sat down with a plate of nachos and soft drinks, Elaine said, "Go ahead. Tell him."

Josh said, "Tell me what?"

Max said, "Please don't say that you found a place in another school district, Mr. Greenwood."

Tom said, "Max you don't have to call me Mr. Greenwood anymore. Tom will do."

"Uncle Tom doesn't sound right, does it?" said Max with an evil grin.

"Tell me what?" said Josh empathically. "Max, shut up."

"We are staying in the house. No move."

Josh's eyes got big. "Don't be kidding about this Daddy. Are you serious?"

Tom grinned. Josh hadn't called him Daddy in months. "Yep. Dead, no kidding, pure serious."

"How is that possible?" said Josh.

"I'll show you the numbers at home," said Tom. "You should learn about this stuff."

Josh let out a whoop that made the other patrons in the snack bar turn their heads and then half crawled onto the table, oblivious to putting his knee in the nachos, and gave Tom a noisy smooch that landed in front of his left ear. Then he yanked Max up out of his seat and started a dance with him to the music coming over the speakers.

Tom laughed and said to Elaine, "That was a success."

"I think your son is pleased," she said dryly. The beginnings of crow's-feet crinkled around her eyes as her mouth struggled to stay straight.

The boys went back onto the track again, and Tom debated with himself for a minute whether to take a risk with Dr. Lowan's advice or not. Elaine was in good spirits, and Tom decided to give it a try.

"I was thinking about what you said before about the man that you couldn't have. Mr. X, I call him in my mind. I wanted to apologize for being a smart-ass about it. Whatever happened to you, it must have been very difficult, and I shouldn't make light of it."

Elaine stared. "Thank you. It was," she said.

Bull's-eye, Tom thought. And what was cool about it was that it didn't feel phony. It felt more honest than what he said the last time anyway. He smiled and reached out to cover her hand with his. She did not pull away. He hoped she'd say something more, tell him about Mr. X, or give him a clue what to do next. Something. But she didn't. He was trying, and failing, to come up with a good idea for his next move, when she finally said, "I can't talk about it."

"You can't talk about it because it's too hurtful?" he asked, with real sympathy.

"No. I mean I can't talk about it for legal reasons."

"Oh," he said, surprised.

"But I do appreciate your sympathy. I really do. You are very kind."

"Now I see why you can't get over it. Because you can't talk about it, so it stays inside you."

She looked surprised. "I never thought of that. And I thought I was the psychological one. Are you sure you're the same Tom Greenwood that used to be married to my best friend Bonnie Greenwood?"

"No. I guess not. Dr. Lowan from Maple Valley gave me some books to read on the grieving process. I guess I connected the rest of the dots from there. You haven't been able to grieve over your loss properly."

"Well, see, that's part of the problem. He's not dead. While he's still alive, there's hope."

"Hope for what? That he'll come back to you?" Talking about Mr. X without trying to convince her of anything was uncomfortable, but Tom stuck with it.

"Maybe. More hope that he'll regret what he did and at least apologize properly. I can't ever reconcile it in my mind. The man I loved and the man who cold-bloodedly dumped me for reasons that had nothing to do with our relationship. Which one was the real one? Did I love a jerk, or a wonderful guy who made a terrible mistake? It drives me nuts."

"You wish you could get a clearer answer to that, and then you could move on? That's interesting."

"That's it in a nutshell. Plus I love Max more than life itself, but it doesn't help that I'm looking at a smaller version of Mr. X every day of my life."

"Right. I can understand that, too. I wish I could find an answer to your question so you could be free, but I've got almost nothing to go on, except being a guy and trying to imagine."

She laughed. "So, Mr. Wizard, where does that lead you?"

"Reasons unrelated to your relationship, you said?"

"Yes."

"Not another woman. You would've probably said that."

"Correct. Unrelated to any relationship."

Tom munched on a nacho and considered. "So. Have I got this right? He gives up the woman he loves, who is pregnant... Did he know you were pregnant?"

"Yes"

"He gives up the woman he loves and their child for either something he thinks is more important, or maybe to avoid something that he thinks would be damaging to him. OK. Here's my diagnosis. Immaturity. Most men don't get a clue about what's really important until they're about forty."

"How old are you?"

"Forty-one."

"So have you just given birth to a clue?"

Tom laughed. "Yeah. You could say that. Having no one else around to do it for me hasn't hurt either."

"Right. So. Immaturity. That wasn't on my list." Elaine squeezed her lower lip while she thought about it.

"I know. See. I'm not so dumb after all."

"I never thought you were dumb. Only that you never took anything seriously. That's different."

"You told Max, who told Josh, that if I don't care much about anything, then I could never care much about you."

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to hear that."

"No, I bet not. But it was very smart. I took it to heart. It's true. If I don't want anything very much, I can't be disappointed when I don't get it."

"Yes, but if you don't try very hard, you won't get a lot of things anyway. It's a circle."

"Right. So I am going to change that."

"How are you going to do that?"

"I'm going to give something my all. Namely courting you."

"Oh," she said and made a face. "That might not be a good first choice. I'm not really emotionally available."

"I know."

"OK then."

The boys came back again, happier than Tom had seen either of them since the accident.

"We've made a decision," said Max, apparently elected as the spokesman.

"What, Hon?" said Elaine.

"We're in favor of you two dating."

Tom cracked up. Elaine closed her eyes and slowly shook her head.

"Were you under the impression that we needed your permission?" Tom asked Max.

Max flatly stated, and Tom had to admit that it was true, "We could've ruined your chances if we wanted to. But you've got the all clear."

Josh added, "And Aunt E, I think my Mom would approve too."

Elaine felt cornered. But she also felt less lonely than she had felt in fifteen years. A family seemed to be forming around her in spite of herself. "We'll see how it goes, I guess," she said. "I'm not promising anything."

Tom grinned his super-sized, charm-the-daylights-out-of-'em, ain't-I-just-too-damn-cute grin full force at Elaine. The one she used to think was slightly goofy, and not terribly attractive. But this time his genuine pleasure ignited in her a spark of hope. It didn't grow into a complete thought that there might yet be love in her future, but it flickered there underneath the surface.

Elaine worked a long day at the nursery a few days before Christmas and left barely in time to pick up Max and Josh. Max was excited about their upcoming trip to Disney World. Josh pestered her as usual about what she and Tom were planning for the weekend, before Elaine and Max went on their trip. Josh never stopped looking for clues as to whether she and Tom were getting serious. She was getting used to Tom, and she liked the companionship and a little occasional making out, but she wasn't quite ready for more, especially a joint Christmas celebration. So she avoided the problem by reserving a trip for she and Max to Disney World, which she'd been promising him for a year anyway. Josh wasn't happy about being left behind of course, but she did succeed in making the point that she and Max were still independent. After she dropped Josh off and got dinner started she went out to get the mail.

She flipped through the pile at the kitchen sink, throwing the junk right into the trash, and stopped in mid motion to stare at a Christmas card envelope that she had never expected to see. The return address was from where she knew Mr. X to be: the Colorado Statehouse. He had never contacted her personally since they broke up. She supposed that someone on his staff might have a reason to inform her, well, of what? That the Governor of Colorado was broke, dying, or maybe going to jail and asking for her. Yeah right. Maybe it had something to do with what she'd been hearing on the news lately. He was being discussed as a possible presidential candidate. She put his name into a search engine once in a while and read everything there was to know about his career. She knew that he couldn't possibly risk a presidential campaign with Max and her waiting to be discovered by an enterprising reporter. She'd been waiting for something to happen.

She turned the envelope over and looked at it from all angles as if it might yield a clue as to what might be inside. The card was from David Wells himself, not some staffer. She was already sure of that.

She checked on Max, who was engrossed in his homework, and decided he would not interrupt her if she opened the envelope now. Just to be safe, she went into her bedroom, where she could hide it quickly. What on earth was Dave thinking, writing to her where Max might have come across it in the mail? It was an ordinary Christmas card, but there was a letter written on the facing page.

Dear Elaine,

I hope that this letter finds you and the child well. Do you know that I never found out if it was a girl or a boy? I would appreciate any information that you would be willing to share about him or her. Perhaps you would send me some pictures, if you would be so kind. I know it must be a bit of a shock, after my behavior in the past. I can't imagine what you must think of me. I have wondered nearly every day since we broke up how you both are doing. Now that I am older, the rabid ambition of my youth seems, well, rather unseemly. Not that that is any excuse.

I once again apologize for having put you in this position. I wish I could change the past, but I cannot do that. I really am sorry.

Looking forward to your reply, and still affectionately yours,

Dave

P.S. If you do choose to reply, please use the code under the return address to signify confidential mail.

Elaine could hardly think. It all came rushing back. She thought she'd succeeded in walling off the hurt, but the wall came tumbling down. She was so much in love with him it hurt. And he with her, at least she'd thought so then, for two glorious years at the University of Colorado. She was studying landscape architecture, and he was five years older, working on a Law degree.

She made one critical error, and she didn't know it until they found out she was pregnant, and were beginning to discuss a wedding. He knew her mother was a single mother and a doctor. She had never told him what kind of a doctor. She was not really trying to hide the information; it just had never come up. Then the scene at the Denver Botanic Garden changed everything.

They were sitting by the lake in the Japanese Garden, one of their favorite places.

"So, how does it feel, being pregnant, I mean," said Dave. He was so young compared to the man she now occasionally glimpsed on the television news. The picture that emerged from her memory re-ignited the feelings for him that she wished she did not still have.

"I don't know," she answered. "I don't know if I feel different because I'm pregnant, or because I'm excited and nervous about it. I'm not sick."

He stroked the side of her face and gave her a gentle kiss. "I'm nervous about it too. I didn't think we'd have children for years yet."

She laid her head on his shoulder, still happily feeling loved for the last few minutes of her life. "It's amazing how fast you can get used to the idea though. I already feel as if I would be heartbroken to not have this child. It's already part of my life. I never knew that would happen."

"I don't feel that way, but I guess it must be different for the mother. Because it's in your body."

"Not everyone has these feelings do they? People get abortions all the time."

Dave snuggled closer, and she stroked the hair on his forearm. He said, "I can't understand that. I know some people have dire circumstances, where they wouldn't have any way to support a child, but they could always give it up for adoption. Having an abortion seems so drastic. Not that I'm against a woman's right to choose. It just seems so drastic is all I'm saying."

"Ironically enough, people who have nothing to lose usually keep the babies themselves. It's usually young women who don't want to lose their chance to finish college, or start their career or else women who are dependent on men that don't want the child who abort," said Elaine.

Dave sat up and looked at her strangely. "How do you know that? You're not in the social sciences or political science."

"Oh," she said. "My mother has worked for years at Planned Parenthood."

"I thought your mother was a doctor," he said.

"She is." Elaine was confused by the intensity of the look on Dave's face.

Dave pushed away from her, took a few steps away from the bench and turned back to face her. He looked at her horrified. "Are you trying to tell me that your mother performs abortions?" he said. Elaine was scared. He was a different man. She considered lying for about one second, but then decided not to.

"She has spent her life helping women manage their reproductive lives. Sometimes that includes abortions. Yes."

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph. You never thought you should tell me about this?" Dave was staring at her as though she had three heads.

Elaine sat and stared back at him, unable to comprehend his reaction. "Dave, what's the matter with you? I am not my mother. If you don't approve of her, fine. I don't understand why you're acting like this." Her words started to come out faster and faster, a confused tangle, "She's not that evil. If she didn't do it, they'd get some drunk who had lost his license to chop them up and cause all kinds of infections, like long ago. I'm not trying to get an abortion."

"God, Elaine, how naïve can you be? You know that my family has been grooming me all my life for a career in politics. I can't have an abortionist for a mother in law. Can't you imagine how they'd crucify me the first time I ran for dogcatcher?"

"You should've told me before we got so involved," he said. There was some genuine pain in his face. He was still partly human. "We could have avoided a lot of personal pain."

"I can't change that now," said Elaine. "I really didn't mean to deceive you. It just never came up."

Elaine stared at him. Their relationship was history, and she knew it. She really was naïve, she realized. She was recovering from her shock enough to start understanding what was causing his terrible reaction. He didn't have a moral problem. He had a personal ambition problem. The only thing he wanted from her was her agreement that it had to be this way. She would never give it to him. Never. It had to be about her, or about them. She would never, ever agree to allow it to be about politics.

She stood up, brushed some leaves off of the seat of her jeans and made every effort in the world not to reveal her broken heart to the man she would have to learn not to love. "OK, then, I guess I'll be seeing you around," she said. Cold as a negotiation over the price of sausage. Holding desperately onto the only thing she had, a tiny scrap of her dignity, she began to walk away.

"Wait Elaine," he said. "What about the baby?"

She spun on her heel, viciously angry. "What about it? The grandchild of the devil herself?" Elaine didn't even like her mother that much, but she felt compelled to come to her defense. "Why would you care? Maybe I should drown it. Or we could go live in a leper colony."

"Please try to understand," he said. "I don't want to do this."

"Then don't. At least calm down first." She felt a flicker of hope. Maybe he'd reconsider after he'd some time to think about it. Or at least admit that there was another problem.

Elaine learned that her little flicker of hope was nothing at all when exposed to the winds of powerful people. It was ruthlessly and deftly extinguished. "I will see to it that the child is financially supported. My family has resources. But you can never tell anyone that it's mine."

"Okey, dokey," she said. "And may the devil take any other spawn that you or your illustrious family produces."

She wasn't sick before, but when she got back to the dorm that afternoon, she spent almost two hours vomiting. And that was it. The lawyers handled the rest, and she dropped out of college and came home to lick her wounds, and bear and raise her son.

The problem, of course, was that despite all that she secretly still loved him. She knew it was dumb, but she couldn't help it. She was sitting on her bed, lost in time, so at first she didn't hear Max talking to her. She looked at him without seeing and slowly realized that he'd been talking for a while. For a minute she thought he was Dave. "You really are sorry," she said.

"Mom, what are you talking about? Did you hear one word I just said?" said Max.

She snapped out of it and said, "I'm sorry. I was thinking about something else." She tried to subtly slip the Christmas card under her before he noticed it.

"Well, can I or not? Pay attention, will you?" he asked, rather belligerently. She wasn't thrilled about the tone he'd adopted towards her lately. He was at one of those ages, but she was afraid it had more to do with spending so much time with Josh, who had gotten more and more mouthy since his mother died. Which brought her mind back with a start to the subject of Tom. Suddenly she didn't like him at all anymore. What had she been thinking allowing him to slowly sneak up on her like that?

"If you keep talking to me like that, you won't be going anywhere," she snapped at Max. "Where are you asking to go? You'll have to explain it again."

Max rolled his eyes. "Tom and a couple of the other Dads that used to all be in little league with us, remember, agreed to take all the guys to a Flyers game after Christmas. Can I go?"

"How much does it cost?" she asked.

"Sixty bucks. They'll pay for the food."

"OK."

"The other Dads are bringing their wives to help chaperone. Tom wants to know if you'll come."

"Dammit, Max. Why doesn't he ask me himself? I'm not his wife. He has no right to make plans for me."

"God, Mom, chill out, will you? He is going to ask you himself. I just got ahead of him, that's all."

"You are not to push this relationship on me. Is that clear?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a big deal. I thought you were getting along great."

"I'm not so sure," she said.

"That's news to me," he responded. "I thought I was finally going to get a father."

"That's enough. Go."

"Go where?" Max couldn't remember his mother ever acting like this.

"I don't care. Just go."

Chapter 1.6

Not knowing what else to do, Max went across the street. Josh was watching a football game with Tom who was reading and stealing a glance at the game from time to time.

"Hey Max, what's the matter?" said Tom.

"Are you OK?" said Josh.

"I don't know. Mom is acting weird," said Max. Tom tore his eyes away from the TV, and turned it off in spite of Josh's displeasure so they could give Max their full attention.

"What kind of weird?" asked Tom.

"All I did was tell her about the hockey game, and that you were chaperoning it, and that you wanted her to come, and she went off on me," said Max, waving his hands about as he spoke. "About you couldn't make plans for her, and she wasn't your wife, and I don't remember what else. Oh yeah, she said that I wasn't supposed to push this relationship on her."

"Uh oh," said Tom.

"Did you guys have a fight?" Josh asked.

"Not that I know of," said Tom. "I wonder what I did wrong."

"She doesn't like you anymore," said Max. "She acted like I was in trouble for even talking about you. Maybe you should go over and try to talk to her."

"I like Aunt Elaine a lot," said Josh. "I want her to be my stepmother. You've got to do something Dad."

"Yeah, and I wanted a stepfather too," said Max. "Please do something, Tom."

"I don't know what to do," said Tom. "Let me think about it for a minute, will ya?"

"I think I know what the problem might be," said Max. He plopped onto the arm of the couch.

"What?" said Tom, cupping his head with his hand.

"Maybe she doesn't feel right about you, because of Aunt Bonnie. You know. Loyalty to her friend."

"Jeez, Max, you're starting to sound like the way Dad is now, analyzing people all the time. Did she tell you that?" said Josh.

"No. I'm just guessing," said Max.

"You don't know your butt from a baboon," said Josh, pointing at Max's rear end. "Aunt E isn't like that."

"How do you know? She's my mother."

"Boys!" said Tom. "Let's take it down a notch. I can't think."

After a pause, Tom said, "Ok, Max. Let me ask you something. You don't have to answer me if you don't want to. I'm not trying to spy on her. How was she when I wasn't around? Was she anxious to go out the next time, or acting like it was a chore, or what?"

"Um, I'd say that she acted like she was afraid to get her hopes up, but she was willing to give it a try."

"That's about what I thought too," said Tom. "Good observation."

"Lordy," said Josh. "Either she likes you or she doesn't."

Tom ignored him and said, "You know there's something I read that seems obvious, but most of us don't want to believe it. The other person almost always tells you straight off why this relationship isn't going to work, and you always think you can get around it. They are usually right."

"And she told you something like that?" said Max.

"Yeah, and I didn't think it was that important. It probably was."

"Well, what was it?" said Max.

"I don't think I should tell you. It's your Mom's personal business," said Tom.

"So are you just going to give up?" said Josh. "What about not being a quitter?"

"I don't know what I am going to do," said Tom. "You guys are crowding me. I need some time to think."

"Dad, just go over there and talk to her. Apologize for anything that she yells at you about, and you're done," insisted Josh.

Max said, "Maybe Mom is used to being independent and doesn't want a husband telling her what to do? Is that it? Am I warm?"

"No, that's not it," Tom said.

"She doesn't think you would treat me well? I can convince her that I like having you for an almost father."

"No, that's not it either," said Tom. "She likes that for you too."

"Well...," Max struggled to find another guess. "It can't be somebody else, 'cause I would know." To his surprise, Max saw a flicker of something in Tom's eyes that said he was getting warmer.

"She hasn't ever been on a date, except you, as far as I can remember," said Max. "I kind of thought it was illegal for mothers or something, until I got older."

"I know," said Tom.

"She had you," said Josh. "She must have had a boyfriend at least once."

Tom shot Josh a dirty look. "That's none of your business, Josh," he said.

Max could feel the uneasiness in Tom. He realized that Tom knew something, and slowly said, "Oh. I get it. Whoever my father was hurt her so bad that she was afraid to ever try again. I've got it, don't I?"

He didn't need Tom to say anything. He knew he would be able to see the answer in Tom's face. The possibility of getting a bit of information about his father was making him nervous, but also excited. He cared much more than his mother imagined but he carefully made sure she was not aware of it. He always feared that there was something terrible about his father that he was better off not knowing, but he also had a blank page in his story about himself that he would not be able to leave blank forever. He wanted to know, but he didn't want to know until he was sure he was ready to hear any possible answer.

Tom's face revealed that Tom did know something about Max's father, but that Max's guess about how he was affecting Tom and Elaine's relationship was wrong.

Before Tom could decide what to say, Josh blurted out, "No, you dumbass. Your Mom is still in love with some jerk that dumped her years ago. See? And you think you know everything."

Tom yelled at Josh, "Josh. That was not for you to say. How did you know that anyway?"

"Eavesdropping, Pop. One of my favorite hobbies. I don't see why everybody has to be so secretive."

"If I catch you eavesdropping again, I will beat you," Tom snapped and then suddenly stopped and looked around. "Where'd Max go?" he asked.

"To go talk to his mother, I guess. I still don't see what the big deal is."

After Max left, Elaine got out a Christmas card and began to write a reply to David Wells.

Dear Dave,

Thank you for your apology. I have been waiting fifteen years for that. It means a lot to me. Our Son's name is Maximillian David Webster, and he is in ninth grade. He likes baseball, wrestling, and he is a very good student, as you might expect, given his genes. I have never told him anything about his father. He assumes, naturally enough, I suppose, that he was the result of a one-night stand or something similar. He doesn't ask, and I don't tell. I would very much like to have your permission to tell him the truth.

Then Elaine tried to decide whether to tell him anything about herself, such as that she was still single. But then he would guess that she'd been waiting for him all these years, which would make her look like a real loser. Maybe she could just say that she was well. She made herself a cup of coffee and paced around the house thinking.

She was staring out of the dining room window when Max burst back into the house. She remembered that she had left the letters lying on her bed. She would have to make sure to intercept him if headed for that part of the house. But she was unprepared for what happened next.

Max came up to her at the window, put his face almost nose to nose with hers and said, "Who is my father?"

"What?" She felt like a cornered animal. Why now? Did he see something in the bedroom before?

"Tom said that the reason you don't want him is that you're still in love with my father. Why didn't you ever tell me?" He didn't want to get Josh in trouble, so he blamed Tom. He figured that the budding romance was history anyway.

"How dare he?! Who does he think he is, interfering in my private family business? It's not his place!" she cried out, not really to Max. More to the gods.

"Don't blame him," Max said. "We were all having a conference about trying to get you two together, because I was worried. I forced him to tell me why it wasn't working."

"A kid can't force him to do anything. He should keep his mouth shut."

"Whatever. So who is he?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't. Didn't Tom tell you that too? I didn't tell him who he was either."

"No. All he said was that you were still in love with my father. You never in my whole life said anything about him. I thought it was something you wanted to forget. A terrible mistake when you were young. Maybe you don't know who he was, 'cause some guy took advantage when you were drinking. I could've been the result of a rape for all I know."

"I know. I let you think that."

"That was wrong. You should've told me the truth. You could've at least told me that you loved him. That would've meant something."

"I'm sorry, Max. I really am. I didn't want to upset you." She was very uncomfortable having this conversation nose to nose in the middle of the dining room. "Can we at least go sit in the living room?" she said.

"So tell me now. I want to know," Max said, ignoring her request. She walked toward the living room anyway.

"I told you. I can't," she said over her shoulder. Max followed her.

"There has to be something you can tell me. Like, I don't know. Tell me what he does for a living. Or if he looks like me. Something."

"Yes, he looks like you. And his profession is the problem. There. How's that?" Elaine sat in her favorite chair and Max sat on the couch.

"Wow. There's someone out there who looks like me. That's a new idea. I have to get used to that," said Max, feeling a new connection, but then his mind immediately switched to the other question. "What do you mean his profession is the problem? That doesn't make any sense," he said in an accusatory tone.

Elaine did not answer.

Max paced and then said, "Wait. Let's play warm or cold, OK? His profession is the problem means that he does something that you couldn't handle. Like he's a cop or a soldier and you were afraid he'd get killed."

"Cold," said Elaine. "I can't tell you much, but that's cold."

"He's does something illegal, and you couldn't make him stop it."

"Very cold," said Elaine.

"Oh, I get it. He's married to somebody else, and his career would be ruined if anyone found out he had another child."

"That's a little bit warmer."

"Mom. You slept with someone who was married to somebody else?"

She wasn't going to say more, but she couldn't stand the disappointment in his eyes. She shook her head.

"No. He wasn't married to someone else."

"What? That doesn't make sense. Oh, but his career would still be ruined, somehow? That's the warm part?" Max leaned so far forward he almost slipped off the couch.

"Yes." Elaine sighed deeply. She always knew that she was going to have to tell him something, someday and it was becoming clear that today was going to be the day.

"Is he a priest?"

She laughed. "No, but that's a creative guess."

"I'll get it eventually," he said. "If I do, will you tell me I was right?"

"I'll tell you what happened but not his name. I signed a legal contract promising not to tell you his name before you were even born."

Max's eyes got wide. "OK," he said.

She walked over to the couch and stroked his hair for a minute. "Can I get you a drink?" she said, only half joking. "I think you're going to need one."

"No," he said. "Come on, Mom. Please?"

"All right. He's a famous politician."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Perfectly serious." She waited for Max to assimilate this piece of information before she went on.

"Damn," he said. She didn't comment on his language. He was entitled.

He was quiet for a minute and then he said, wonderstruck, "Then I really am somebody."

He paused again and then said, "Aren't I?"

"You were always somebody, no matter how you got here," she said. "But his influence doesn't do you much good when he won't admit you are his. He has been sending a lot of money to help support you all these years. I have to be honest about that"

"So that's the big question. Why won't he admit I am his?"

"Yes. That's the big question. How much do you know about Grandmom Sue?"

"Grandmom Sue? She started losing her memory when I was only about six or seven. I know she was a doctor, before she retired. She was never married either was she?"

"No. She was from a certain generation of women that were militant about the women's revolution. You don't know anything about what the world was like before women were allowed to have the same educational opportunities and jobs that men could have. Basically men always had all the money, so we had to listen to them, unless we were rich, or maybe if we had exceptionally nice men. But see, Grandmom Sue was one of the crusaders, setting women free."

"It sounds like Islamic countries, or like many centuries ago."

"It wasn't that long ago. Grandmom was in college. It had to be made illegal to discriminate against women at work and in business. Mostly it was a matter of convincing people that women were not dumber than men. Even a lot of the women believed that since they'd been hearing it all their lives."

"That's stupid."

"Right. Which shows that we won the war."

"What does this have to do with my father?"

"I'm getting to that. Women have always submitted to the rule of men because they could find themselves pregnant and with little children to care for at the most inconvenient times. If they could have babies only when they chose to, they could live their lives any way they wanted."

"Did you have me on purpose?"

She laughed. "No. But I kept you. It's one of the great ironies of life that people often end up doing things exactly the opposite of their parents. I'm just explaining Grandmom's philosophy."

"Which somehow seems to have something to do with my father," Max prompted her.

"All right. I've been procrastinating long enough." Truthfully, Elaine was only talking until Max had calmed down, before she told him the rest. She took a deep breath.

"Your grandmother performed abortions, among other things. She thought it was a holy mission for women's rights. When your father found out, he dumped me, and you, because it would be a political disaster to have an abortionist for a mother-in-law."

"And now he's a famous politician," Max said. His eyes were flashing with anger. "Because he got rid of us, because of something Grandmom did."

"Yes." Elaine felt a strange sense of relief hearing those words come out of someone else's mouth, expressing the same feelings that had been bottled up inside of her for more than a decade.

"Bastard. Dirty Rotten Bastard. I hate him," said Max.

"I don't blame you," said Elaine. She felt as though she might begin to float and quickly tried to suppress the feeling. This was not a good time to lose her mind.

"It's not your fault, or my fault, what my grandmother did. Why do I have to be punished for it?"

"I know. I don't think punishing us is his issue. His own career is the issue," said Elaine. The floating feeling was gone.

"Then he's just selfish," said Max.

"Yeah," she said. "One hundred percent selfish."

"We should tell the press what he did to us, and he wouldn't be a famous politician for long."

"We can't Max. He was much smarter than me, even then. I signed a contract that I would never tell you or anyone else his name. It's done now. I made a promise. I wish I hadn't, but I did."

Max rolled off the couch and lay on his back and started kicking at the rocking chair, making it rock, like he used to do when he was small. "Why does it feel like this?" he asked. "I always thought I would find out that he was a loser; someone that I was embarrassed to be related to, and glad I didn't have to deal with. I feel even worse now that I know he knew exactly what he was doing. He's more evil than anything I imagined. I feel terrible."

Elaine got down on the floor beside him, "I'm sorry, honey. If it's any comfort, he didn't ever know you. It wasn't personal."

"Some comfort. I have half his genes. If that's not personal I'd like to know what is."

"I guess you'll get used to it."

"Yeah, right," said Max.

"My father was a sperm bank. I got used to it," said Elaine.

After Max went to bed that night she looked for a long time at the Christmas card. It was one thing for her to hope for some sort of reconciliation with Dave, but how could she love a man who had hurt her Max so badly? She hadn't completely seen it from Max's point of view before. She tore up Dave's card and her reply and burned the pieces. Then she avoided Tom and Josh until she and Max left for Florida, because she really needed some time to herself.

After the New Year, Elaine shocked Tom by calling and asking him out to dinner. Josh teased him about grinning and dancing around the house, in Josh's words, "like a crazy chimpanzee," until Friday night. Tom got a haircut and a new sweater and told Josh on several occasions to shut up.

Tom pulled out a chair for Elaine in the upscale Italian restaurant in a remodeled old mansion and then sat across from her, and smiled. She was nicely tanned from her trip and seemed relaxed and at ease. He resisted the temptation to make small talk and waited to see how she would open the conversation.

"I am still mad at you," she said. "But I'd like to talk it out. I had a nice trip and that helped me to calm down."

Surprised, Tom said, "I'm glad you enjoyed your trip. What are you still mad at me about?"

"Are you trying to tell me you don't know what you did?"

"Really. I don't know."

"Telling Max that I was still in love with his father. You have no idea what a chain of reactions that set off."

"I didn't tell him that. Josh did. I was being very careful," said Tom.

"What were you being very careful about? And how would Josh know?"

"I was being very careful because the boys were both clamoring, because Max said you didn't like me anymore, and they were meddling."

"Oh. This isn't easy, is it? Trying to have a relationship with two little meddlers."

Tom grinned widely. She understood that it was because she said they were having a relationship. They stopped talking to read their menus and then give the waiter their orders.

"Did you tell Josh?" said Elaine, when the salads arrived. She took a bite and watched his face.

"Tell Josh that you're still in love with Max's father?" said Tom, picking bits of blue cheese out of his salad. "No. It's your personal business. He was eavesdropping that first time I came over to your house. Probably he opened the bathroom window."

She laughed. "Well, of course he was." Then she sighed deeply at the difficulty of maintaining any privacy with the boys around all the time. She shook it off and polished off the rest of her salad. "That was really good," she said.

Tom pushed his away. He couldn't get all the blue cheese taste out of it. "So what happened? The chain of reactions that I set off?" he said with real concern.

"If we are going to have any hope, I'm going to have to tell you the truth. I have to say it's not easy for me. I've gotten way too used to keeping my own counsel over the years."

"Yes, I can believe that," said Tom.

"OK. The reason that Max thought I didn't like you anymore was because I got a letter from Mr. X, and that put me into a state. Max doesn't know that part of the story."

"I'll be damned. Well, what did Mr. X have to say?"

"He wanted me to send him a picture of Max, and tell him how he's doing, and he said he was sorry. He even said that he didn't know if we had a girl or a boy."

Tom cringed at the 'we had' instead of 'I had.'

The entrees arrived and Elaine tasted her fish before she said, "Then when Max came back from your house that night, he demanded that I tell him something about his father. I was mad because I didn't like being cornered, but I'm over that now. I had to do it sometime, and I'm glad it's over with."

Tom stopped eagerly eating his lasagna and said, "Are you going to tell me whatever you told him?"

"Yes," she said. "That's why we're here. Given how the boys are, you'd find out anyway, and I'd rather tell you myself."

Tom wondered for a minute if he'd ever catch up to Elaine when it came to thinking about things like that in advance. Trying to impress her was the main reason he'd read all those books and was trying so hard to be more of a Mr. Sensitive.

"OK," he said. He could tell she'd been rehearsing this conversation, and that his job was mostly just to listen.

She told him everything that she'd told Max, and waited to see his reaction.

"A famous politician?" he said. "Are we talking, like, famous in these parts, like a mayor, or what?"

"No, we're talking about the national news on television. Not quite a household name yet, but he's on his way. You've probably seen him at least once."

Tom collapsed inside himself. Elaine was so far out of his league it wasn't funny. No wonder he couldn't get anywhere with her. Suddenly he couldn't wait to get out of the restaurant, before he made an even bigger ass of himself.

He pushed back his chair, and began to get up. "Thank you for telling me," he said. "I've got somewhere I need to go."

"Tom, sit down. What's the matter?" she said.

"I'm just me," he said. "I've really got to go now." He brushed against a waitress on his way to the door, and turned to put an arm out to keep her from tripping, and then he was gone.

Elaine calmly ate the rest of her meal, to all appearances, although on the inside her heart was beating much faster than usual. While she was eating, she thought long and hard about the men, two now, who had unceremoniously dumped her because of her mother. She was tainted goods. That's all there was to it. She was done with men forever. She thought she'd already decided that fifteen years ago, and she was furious with Tom for seducing her into doing it all over again. Screw him, and all his kind. Except for Max of course. She paid for both of them, went home, told Max she had a headache, and went straight to bed.

Chapter 1.7

In the spring, Josh played catcher, and loved it, and Max developed into a home run hitter but still wasn't as good a third baseman as he wanted to be. Max finished middle school ready to take all available honors courses in high school the next year, as expected. Josh muddled his way through every subject except Math, which he aced without much effort. He preferred to learn most things his own way, on the side.

Josh still spent a lot of time at Elaine and Max's house, and Max still spent a lot of time at Tom and Josh's house, but Tom and Elaine avoided each other as much as possible. Elaine tried without success to convince Josh that he would be glad later on if he applied himself in school now. Tom tried without success to convince Max that hating his father was natural under the circumstances, but that it wouldn't be healthy to stay angry forever. Both boys tried without success to convince their respective parents to get over whatever was keeping them apart, but neither Tom nor Elaine would tell them what the problem was.

Josh would always say something like, "Dad, even Max says she misses you. Just go talk to her. Please. Whatever the problem is, you can work it out." Tom would always answer, "It will never work. Ever, Ever, Ever."

Max would put framed pictures of Tom in various places around the house. Elaine would always dispose of them without comment, and Max would always put up more.

Once the boys both faked getting the flu at the same time so that Tom and Elaine would have to run into each other at the nurse's office at school. Their plot backfired when they both ended up grounded for a week for lying because Tom overheard them planning the whole thing.

Tom and Josh stopped visiting Bonnie every week and began to go to the cemetery occasionally, only when one of them felt the need.

The rest of the boys' friends continued to drift away because, by contrast, their teenage problems looked juvenile.

Josh had to go to his Grandmother's house to be babysat the week after school ended, since his father had to work, and Elaine hadn't yet figured a way for him to work at the nursery underage. Josh knew that his father had asked Juliet for help several times since Mom passed and she'd always made excuses, but Dad didn't know that he knew. Why did grownups always assume that kids didn't understand stuff like that? We're not stupid, Josh thought, watching the windshield wipers as Dad drove him to Grammy's house at quarter after six in the morning. "Thanks, Dad," he said, out of nowhere.

"Thanks for what?" said Tom.

"For not giving me a hard time about my grades."

"Your Mom probably could've gotten you to do better," Tom said.

"I know," said Josh. "But everything is different now."

Josh wasn't at all happy about spending a week with Grammy. Juliet always treated him like he was about five years old. Now that his mother was gone, she seemed to think that he was also some kind of an emotional invalid as well. Not that he didn't miss his mother, of course, but having Grammy drop by to ask him if he was OK, you poor little dear, oh my, such a pity, over and over again got very tiresome.

"Please don't give your grandmother any trouble," Tom said. "She's hard enough to deal with as it is."

"I won't. I promise," said Josh, and Tom knew he really meant it. It suddenly occurred to Tom that just last summer he would have tried to pressure Josh to joke Grammy through the day so she wouldn't get difficult. It was an odd thought. He wouldn't do that now. He pulled over to the curb to let Josh out in front of a brick row home in a run-down part of town.

Grammy was watching a show on television about homes of the movie stars when Josh came into the living room. "Oh, my. Oh, let me get you something to eat," she said jumping up, and then grabbing a sore hip. "Oh, what a pity. You must be starving."

Josh didn't see why he must be starving, but he said, "Don't go to any trouble. I'll just take some cereal and milk, if you have any."

"I bought milk just for you. We don't use it," Juliet said. Then she went into the dirty kitchen and started frying eggs anyway. After Josh finished his cereal, he ate two fried eggs that he didn't want.

"Grammy, can I hook up my video game to your TV? I can entertain myself, and I promise to put it all back the way you had it when I'm finished," he said.

"Oh honey," she said, "Do whatever you want. Oh, except there are one or two shows that I do like to watch now and then. Maybe you can fix the TV back up for me for ten o'clock. How were your eggs? I made them just the way you like them."

Josh didn't know where that came from. He always liked his eggs scrambled. She must be confusing him with someone else. He couldn't decide whether to say they were good, and therefore he'd have to eat them every time he came to her house, or whether to tell her that he preferred scrambled, and then she'd spend all morning feeling terrible because she screwed up, and act all flighty until something else happened to calm her down. And there in a nutshell was Grammy. Spend ten minutes with her, and you were immediately gripped by indecision about every word that came out of your mouth.

Josh decided to tell the truth. Later he decided he must have had a moment of temporary insanity. "I didn't really want eggs at all. I just wanted cereal," he said.

"Well, that's gratitude for you," Juliet huffed. "If your mother had lived, she would've taught you better than that."

"Would you prefer I lie about it?" said Josh. He already knew that trying to guess what she wanted and trying to give it to her was the only possible strategy with Grammy, and even that didn't work often, so he was already in deep trouble. He didn't see any way out, now that he had started something.

"No Mr. Smarty-pants. I can't abide liars. It'll be a cold day in you-know-where when I cook for you again. No gratitude these young people have these days."

Josh's temporary insanity grew worse. "Hell, do you mean?" he said.

"And now he's cussing in front of his old tender grandmother's ears," she cried out. "What am I to do? There's no decency in the world, I tell you." She didn't even seem to be talking to him anymore. She had an imaginary audience somewhere in the vicinity, Josh decided. And besides that, his tender old grandmother was all of fifty-eight years old. He was tempted to poke her one more time to see if she exploded into a geyser of Grammy parts. Maybe the shrapnel would blow that back door out, and her head would roll across the back yard, still talking. The image made him laugh out loud.

"Oh so you think this is funny do you?" she said. "I've never seen the like in all my days..." She went on but Josh wasn't listening because he was caught in the throes of uncontrollable laughter.

He finally decided that this had gone far enough. "I was kidding, Grammy," he said, acting it up. "I was pulling your leg. The eggs were wonderful."

That stopped her in mid-rampage. She gave him a suspicious look, but she bought it.

"Oh," she said. "It wasn't that funny. You have to work on your sense of humor." Then she left abruptly to go take a shower.

She left him alone most of the morning to play his video games, except for four different requests for him to help her for just a minute, to move a piece of furniture in her bedroom, to reach a jar on a shelf in the kitchen, to wipe a part of a light fixture that she couldn't reach (Josh couldn't help but notice that it seemed to be the only thing in the dining room that was being cleaned) and to see if there was a screwdriver way back under the couch. He dutifully paused his game and did whatever she asked each time without comment.

He turned the television back over to her at ten o'clock as requested and switched to reading.

Marvin came in around noon, from somewhere, smelling like beer.

"Hey, Joshua. What's that you're reading?" he said.

"The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich," Josh said, without looking up. He knew that was rude, but his patience was beginning to wear out.

"Do they make you read that in school?" asked Marvin, plopping into a chair across from Josh.

"Shush. I'm watching my show," said Grammy. They both ignored her.

Josh sighed and closed his book. "No. We do dorky stuff in school. This is just for my own interest."

"What's so interesting about it?" said Marvin.

"It's about how the Nazi's came into power and all that."

"I know all about the Nazi's," said Marvin. "They tried to take over the world and they killed most of the Jews in Europe."

"I know. They believed in racial superiority," said Josh.

"So why do you need five hundred pages to tell you that?"

"Because I want to know why."

"Because they were evil. That's why."

"Then why did the ordinary Germans let them be in charge? That's the interesting question."

"Because they were stupid, I guess," said Marvin.

"Maybe. Maybe there's more to it than that," said Josh.

The people on the TV stopped screaming at each other about mothers that slept with their daughters' husbands and Grammy turned around and said, "Marvin let him be. He's going to be educated, and they have to know things like that. I always wanted to be educated but I never got the chance. I didn't finish high school. Did you know that?" she said to Josh.

"No. I didn't know that. Why not?"

"My mother got sick and I had to stay home to take care of her."

"Why didn't you go back later?" he asked.

"I was always going to, but I never got around to it," she said. Her show came back on and she turned away.

Marvin went upstairs to take a nap, and Josh got two hours to himself until Grammy took a break from the television. "Josh honey," she said. "Would you go down in the basement for me and get some corn and a couple of pounds of hamburger out of the freezer? I'm going to make you my famous chili for supper tonight." Josh knew better than to get into another session about menus, or that proper chili doesn't have corn in it, so he agreed. He hoped his father would be back before supper.

Josh eventually found the freezer in the dirty disorganized basement. He got the items she requested and as he was making his way around a broken down washing machine he noticed a stack of newer looking boxes piled by the fuel-oil tank. They were conspicuous because they were not dirty, and they were carefully stacked. At first it seemed that they must have gotten boxes from the liquor store for storing something, although he couldn't think what, given how disorganized everything else was. Something just didn't seem right about them. He knew he shouldn't snoop. He hesitated and then went over to peek inside one of them. It was what it said it was. A case of expensive scotch, the kind that came packaged in individual tubes. There were three or four dozen identical boxes.

Josh felt a chill go up his spine and decided that it would be a very bad idea to get caught looking in the boxes. He hustled up the steps, hoping that he hadn't been gone a noticeably long time. He came into the kitchen to give Grammy the frozen food and Mitch was standing at the sink drinking out of the carton of milk. His eyes narrowed when he saw Josh coming through the basement door, and he studied Josh carefully. Josh tried to let his face reveal nothing and cover the moment over with a slightly forced, "Hi Mitch. Nice to see you," but to his dismay, his voice squeaked.

There was a moment of joint recognition, when Mitch knew that Josh had seen something, and Josh knew that Mitch was the one responsible for it.

Mitch started firing off sentences like the grand finale of a fireworks display, complete with exaggerated hand motions and a host of rapidly changing facial expressions.

"I guess you think there must be something crooked going on. Please don't worry yourself. It's all perfectly explainable," Mitch said, acting out great concern for the emotional welfare of his half-nephew. Then lightening fast, he switched to intimidation. "Some people don't know when to keep their noses out of other people's business. People have been known to regret that mistake." Then he switched again to explaining the obvious to the stupid, "You wouldn't understand anyway. It's a complicated business. There's a lady. She needs my help. She's opening a restaurant, and her ex-husband is harassing her, and I'm hiding some things for her, until the place opens. The grand opening is only in a week."

Then he switched again to lovesick puppy, "I have feelings for her. You know what I mean? Strong feelings. I really want her to make a success of her goals. I'm right there with her. She might be the one."

He seemed to be monitoring Josh's face for a sign of which of these personas Josh showed the strongest reaction to so he could build a story around it, but Josh was frozen, too scared to react to anything. That seemed to make Mitch angry. Josh's mind thought it might be just one more persona, but his emotions responded to the anger, and he lost the battle to keep his wits about him. The only battle he won was overcoming his strong urge to run away.

"Well, say something, brat. The cat got your tongue? Are you stupid?" demanded Mitch.

Josh looked toward Grammy for help, but she busied herself in the silverware drawer. She was afraid of Mitch too.

"I didn't see anything, man. I don't know what you're talking about," said Josh. He knew Mitch wouldn't believe that. "Good luck with your restaurant." He cringed and waited for a terrible reaction.

"All right. Let's keep it that way," said Mitch. "I don't want to hear that you were shooting your mouth off."

"I swear. I don't know what you're talking about," said Josh.

Mitch left, slamming the front door. After he was gone, Grammy said, "He told me that they were medical books. Something about a tax-deductible contribution. I can't understand what gets into him sometimes. What do medical books have to do with a restaurant?"

Josh said, "They're not medical books, Grammy."

"I thought you said you didn't see anything."

"I was scared of him."

"Oh, now honey, don't be silly. He's your uncle. You aren't scared of him. He's a little high strung. He doesn't mean anything by it. He just needs a nice girl and he'll be fine. Men get funny sometimes when they need a woman."

That was way too much information, thought Josh, but he didn't say anything. He laid low and played along with anything Grammy wanted for the rest of the day, fearful that Mitch would come back. Luckily there was no sign of Mitch before Tom came to pick Josh up promptly at five, and rescued him from Grammy's famous chili.

Josh was quiet and withdrawn for the rest of the evening. He and Tom spent most of the evening playing pool in the basement. It was one of Tom's favorite ways to relax, and he wished Josh would play more often. Josh only played with his father when he needed attention from Tom but didn't want to ask. After Josh had beaten him three games in a row, Tom suddenly saw the pattern, and that Josh needed his help with something. He said, "Josh, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," said Josh.

"It's not nothing," Tom said. "Grammy is a pain in the butt. Is that it?"

"Yeah, she is."

"Is it something else?"

"I can't say," said Josh.

"Why not?"

"Because."

Tom made his break and took his first two shots and waited. He had discovered that Josh hated to keep secrets unless he was afraid of getting in trouble.

When Josh didn't say anything else, Tom asked, "Are you in trouble?"

"Not kid trouble. I think I'm in real trouble," said Josh.

"If you're in some kind of real trouble you have to tell me," he said. He put his pool stick on the rack on the wall and gave Josh his full attention.

"It has to do with Mitch," Josh said. He looked pitiful.

"Oh," said Tom. "You definitely have to tell me."

"I promised him I wouldn't. Don't I have to keep my promise?"

"Not in this case. Absolutely not," said Tom. "You don't have to keep a promise to a dishonest person, if you needed to make it under pressure."

"How do you know that's what I did?" said Josh. He said it in a way that confirmed Tom's suspicion.

"I've heard things about him from time to time, around town. And I can smell his type from a mile away. I never said much because he was family to your Mom. So what happened?" Tom sat Indian style on the basement floor and gestured for Josh to join him.

Josh told him about the liquor boxes, and his confrontation with Mitch, as best he could, gesturing with his pool stick. It was difficult to relay the story accurately.

Tom listened without interrupting until Josh finished his story. Then he said, "You're not going back there. I'll have to take sick days for the rest of the week."

"Dad, are you sure? I'm not trying to cause any trouble. I don't want to be responsible for a big fight with them."

"You're not responsible. Mitch is. You did the right thing to tell me."

"It doesn't feel right."

"How dare they put an innocent kid into such a position?!" Tom blustered. "Damn their eyes."

"But Grammy is my grandmother. Isn't it wrong to think bad things about her and about Mitch? You're always talking about trying to understand people's feelings and all that."

"What do you think those liquor boxes were all about, really? You're a smart kid."

Josh said in a tiny voice. "I think they were stolen." He acted like he was as much afraid of saying something disgraceful about one of his elders as he was of retaliation from Mitch.

"You're damn straight they were stolen. What if the place was busted while you were there? Or what if something happened to Mitch's stash and he thought you were responsible. You aren't going there again, because it's too dangerous."

"But Dad. I'm not being stubborn. I want to understand. If they're in trouble, or in danger of getting into big trouble, aren't we supposed to try to help? Talk some sense into them or something? Isn't there a good part inside Mitch somewhere that we have to try to bring to the surface?"

Tom said, "If there is something like that inside of Mitch it's like the center of the Tootsie pop, but the candy shell is pure poison. You'll die before you ever get to the middle. Personally I don't think it's even there."

"What about me then? How do I know if I'm good in the middle?"

"Did you love your Mom? Do you love me, and Max, and Aunt Elaine, or even Grammy, hard as she is to deal with?"

"Yes."

"Do you think a guy like Mitch has ever felt love?"

"I don't know."

"Well, it doesn't matter. You aren't anything like him."

"OK," said Josh. He looked relieved. "Grammy said that he told her that they were boxes of medical books," he said.

"Juliet would believe they were magic pixie dust, if that's what he told her," said Tom. "She doesn't want to face the disaster she's got on her hands."

"Shouldn't we try to tell her or something? It's dangerous for her too," said Josh.

"She wouldn't listen," said Tom. "She'd just yell at us for bad-mouthing her son. She's going to have to find out for herself. Then we might be able to help her."

"What are you going to tell her?"

"I'll say that I got sick, and since I'm home anyway, I can watch you myself."

"Isn't that lying?" asked Josh.

"Yep. It definitely is."

"Isn't that wrong?"

"You or I can never have an honest relationship with Grammy or Mitch because neither of them is ever honest about anything. So we might as well protect ourselves from a bunch of screaming. Lying to take advantage of them would be wrong though," said Tom.

"Yeah. I see that," said Josh. He yawned deeply and his eyes watered. "You know what Dad? You're a lot smarter than you look."

At first Tom was insulted, but then he began to laugh. Josh gave him a goofy grin, quite similar to Tom's trademark goofy grin face, and then tried to tickle his father's armpits, but Tom easily held him away. "Now if you could only figure out why you can't get anywhere with Aunt Elaine," Josh said from arm's length. "Mr. oh so smart and sensitive."

"That's enough Josh," Tom said. "That's not your business."

"I think it is," said Josh. "I most definitely think it is. Chicken. Bwack, Bwack, Bwack." Josh began to dance the chicken dance around the room.

"Good night, Josh. Go to bed. You've had a rough day," said Tom. He had to resist both laughing at and smacking his son.

After Josh went to bed Tom thought about Elaine, drank a beer, wondered if possibly he had overreacted to Mr. X, drank another beer, thought about motherless Josh, drank another beer, and finally decided to break their mutual silence and give Elaine a call.

Chapter 1.8

"I've been thinking," Tom said to Elaine on the phone, "All this avoiding each other is too hard on the boys. I think we need to come to some meeting of the minds and find a way to get along better. For their sake, I mean. We can act like adults."

"I agree," she said, but then did not offer him anything more to work with.

"Do you want to get together to talk things over? Go out to dinner, maybe?"

"I don't see the point, really. We can just do it, can't we? Make nice in front of the kids, I mean."

Tom took a deep breath. She was not making this any easier. "C'mon. Don't be like that. I won't bite," he said.

"You have to apologize for running out on me in the restaurant like that. That was awful," she said, with more than a little hurt in her voice.

"I do apologize. Really, I do," said Tom. "I mean it."

"Fine. Apology accepted," she said. "You can come to my office at work any day between ten and twelve if you really want to talk."

"I'd have to take off work to do that," said Tom.

"Take it or leave it," said Elaine.

The next morning at ten minutes past ten, Tom pulled into the parking lot at Webster's Gardens. He was no connoisseur of gardens and landscape design but anyone with half a soul couldn't help but feel nurtured by the arrangement around the entrance, particularly the large pond with overhanging weeping cherries. He stopped to admire the setting before setting off to try to locate Elaine's office. A very fit woman in a Webster's Gardens polo shirt approached him. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"I'm here to see Elaine," he said. "I don't know where to find her."

"You must be Tom," she said. "I'm Judy. Pleased to meet you." Tom shook her hand, which was surprisingly strong for a woman. He smiled at her and to himself, pleased that Elaine must be interested enough in seeing him to have someone watching for him to arrive. "I'm pleased to meet you too," he said. "I just realized I haven't met many of Elaine's other friends."

"Let me give you a quick tip," she whispered, conspiratorially. "Elaine won't let you see that she really does want this relationship to work out. She's too afraid. You can push if you're not too pushy."

"Huh?" said Tom, but the quick little confidence was over, and Judy was right back in character as the helpful employee. "I'll show you the way, but then I've got places to be," she said. "Through the front entrance, walk all the way through the patio furniture to the dead end at the back of the store where the sign says 'employees only' going into the experimental greenhouse. Her office is just to the left of that, but it's not marked. Look for the green birdhouse painted on the door. It's like her symbol. Toodles." She strode off toward a path that went around the main building. Tom watched her go, wondering if he'd imagined her words of advice. He shrugged and made his way to the office.

The door was open, so he paused trying to decide whether to knock on the door frame. Elaine looked up from her desk, covered in papers and seedlings in peat pots, and waved him in. She looked pleased to see him for a fraction of a second but put a stern look back on her face quickly, although not quickly enough to fool him.

"Hi gorgeous. It's been ages," he said. He hadn't intended to start off on such a strong note until he talked to Judy, but it just sort of happened. Elaine grinned and motioned for him to take a seat in the Adirondack chair that apparently served visitors to her office. "Cool," he said, patting the chair on its wide arm. The seating arrangement did make him feel a bit at a disadvantage, but he decided not to let that throw him.

"Glad you like it," she said. "This is a garden center after all." She didn't tell him that she had brought the chair in just a little while ago so that he would have to sit below her. She was not satisfied yet that the score was settled.

"So. State your case," she said, secure in the power position behind the desk.

"Do you have to be so formal?" Tom asked.

"Yes," she said.

He waited for a second for her to add more, but she did not. "OK. I really am sorry, like I said before. Please forgive me," he said. "My behavior was rude that night."

"I do forgive you," she said. Again she didn't return the conversational volleyball. Still his serve. He did make a mental note that if they were to ever end up married, as he still hoped, she might be a more formidable adversary in a fight than he was used to.

Tom got so nervous that he forgot everything that he'd planned to say and blurted out, "Will you go out with me again? Can we just start over?"

"No," she said.

"Why?" Tom asked. He wasn't really surprised, but he hoped she would offer an objection that he could overcome.

"I think you know why," she said. It was clear to her that if his disgust at her family background, i.e. her mother's profession, was strong enough to make him run from the restaurant that night, there was very little hope. She wanted him to tell her that he'd thought it over and it didn't matter, but he hadn't said any of that. He was simply settling for inferior goods, because he had no other options.

Tom said, "Well, it was worth a try." He gave her his silly grin, and she wished it was not so cute.

Tom became more serious and said, "I was hoping that we could still come to some agreement to work together where the boys are concerned, even if you don't want to date me. Celibate coparents, sort of." She was still in love with Mr. X, and always would be. He had to accept the facts.

Elaine stood up, relenting on the relative power positions issue, and said, "Let's take a walk. I guess we really should talk about that part of it."

She showed him around the whole facility, talking enthusiastically about her new projects and the history of different sections. They arrived back at the pond by the front entrance and sat on a carved wooden bench. It was a rather conspicuous place for a personal conversation, but Tom was learning that Elaine never made such choices by accident. Perhaps she wanted to underscore the success of her business to make him feel small, but he knew she wasn't like that. He didn't suspect that she simply was hoping to override the scene with David Wells in her memory with something good happening between her and a man by the water.

"So then," she began, "You were saying that we need to work together about the boys. I think that's a good idea." She really, really hoped that if she was nicer, he might say what she wanted him to say.

"Really? It's that easy?" said Tom surprised. "I thought you'd put up more resistance."

"Don't be silly," she said. "I love both the boys. So do you. They need us to get along."

"Right. That's exactly what I thought," said Tom. "So it's settled then."

He had one foot in the door again. He could wear her down from there, maybe. At least he had the access. And the stuff about the kids was all true too. He was satisfied.

She was terribly disappointed but she gave him no sign of it. "First point on the parental agenda," she said, "is that I've got it worked out for Josh and Max to both work here this summer. I was doing that anyway, you know."

"I know, and I appreciate it," said Tom. "I hope I can do something as good for Max to reciprocate."

"He wants to learn all that stuff that you and Josh do fixing up old cars," said Elaine. "He feels left out, and he really does like to learn nearly anything that he doesn't know how to do. Would you teach him?"

"Of course," said Tom. "I'd love to. Why didn't he ever ask me?"

"Cause, silly, he doesn't want to admit that he's jealous of Josh."

"Right," said Tom. "I should've thought of it myself."

"We do work well together don't we?" said Elaine.

"Yes'm we do," said Tom. He leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek, but she pulled away and stood up. "I've got to get back to work," she said. "See you back on Jefferson Street."

Tom's latest restoration project, a baby blue 1971 Mustang convertible sat up on blocks in the garage minus its old exhaust system. Tom and Josh were preparing to install a new custom system with help from Max. They were used to working together like long time dance partners who could anticipate each other's moves, but including Max was like adding an excited puppy to the dance. The new exhaust system was laid out on the floor like the fossil of a metallic beast with every bracket, hanger and adapter in its corresponding position the better to explain to Max what had to be done. "And these of course are the mufflers," Tom said pointing.

Max eagerly said, "Right. They muffle sound. Something about the length is exactly the right distance to reflect the sound backward so the peaks and troughs of the sound waves moving in opposite directions cancel each other out. I looked it up."

"If you say so," said Tom. "I just know how to install them."

"That's actually very cool. Real science," said Josh.

"Thank you," said Max.

"Real science won't help you though when your brackets are crooked and the whole mess just won't line up," said Josh.

"That's the truth," said Tom. "There's nothing like experience. After you've made every mistake there is a couple of times, you know how to avoid them. So that's it. We get all the brackets and hangers installed. Rough assemble as we go along to double check position, and then assemble for real from the headers back. The tricky part is the clearance going over the rear axle."

Tom took a pair of brackets and slid under the car on his dolly. "Come under here and watch, Max. Sorry I've only got one dolly," his voice floated up through the automotive obstacles. Josh demonstrated his technique for wiggling under the car and then moved out of the way to let Max take his place.

Josh passed the workers a few parts, fidgeted with the tools, tickled his father's leg until Tom kicked his hand, and then fidgeted some more. "What's happening down there?" he asked. "Max is a fast learner," Tom's voice answered. "He's doing this one almost all by himself."

Elaine appeared in the open garage door, wearing a pretty floral summer dress and carrying a tote bag. "Morning, Josh," she said. "Where are the other guys?" Josh pointed at four feet.

The bigger pair of feet immediately shot out from under the car. The dolly rolled to a stop at Elaine's feet and Tom jumped up, brushed himself off, and said, "Hi Elaine," and stood there smiling and trying to act as though he'd been upright the whole time. Josh laughed and grabbed the opportunity to get the dolly and disappear.

Looking up at the underside of the Mustang with Max, Josh could see how far they'd gotten and picked up where Tom left off. He held the next bracket in place and Max efficiently attached it. "You really are getting the hang of this," he said. "It's kind of fun," said Max. They worked together quietly so they could eavesdrop on the grownups. After a bit of small talk went by, Josh poked Max in the ribs and whispered, "Here it comes. He does this at least once a week."

"Does what?" said Max. They heard Tom say, "Oh, by the way, I got you a little something."

"That," said Josh. "Give her stuff."

"How did you know he was about to?" whispered Max.

"He always shuffles his feet right before. I'm watching his boots."

Max laughed. "Watch this," Josh told him. He pushed off of the gas tank to send the dolly rolling right into his father's legs. Elaine was examining a book and avoiding Tom's attempt to kiss her on the cheek. Tom managed to run his nose along her ear as she turned away and Josh ran into him at the same time. Josh laughed out loud.

"What's going on out there?" Max asked.

"The usual. But he's getting better at it," Josh said still lying on his back.

"Don't I get a present? It's my birthday," he asked up at his father. Tom stepped back and said, "You said you didn't want a birthday this year after everything that's happened and all."

"Well, not a big deal birthday, but maybe a little deal birthday, though. Something," said Josh. He really didn't want a birthday but he couldn't resist the impulse to give Tom some trash.

"Something. Maybe like this?" said Elaine. She pulled a wrapped package out of the tote bag. Tom grinned one of his "gotcha", show-all-his-teeth-grins at his son. Max appeared to see what Josh got.

Josh, still on his back, took the present Elaine bent down to give him. Max rolled over next to him. They were like two toddlers playing on the floor.

The card was from Elaine and Tom together. Josh tore the paper off. Another wrapped box was inside and then another. Finally he got to an envelope which contained tickets for all of them to the Eagles hosting the Giants in two weeks. "Way cool," said Josh. "Thank you both very much."

"You're welcome," they both said in unison. Josh held his arms up for a hug, like a baby. Tom grabbed his arm and pulled him to a standing position and they hugged. Elaine kissed him on the cheek and he kissed her back. "When do I get some of that?" asked Tom. Elaine rolled her eyes but Tom could tell that she was pleased that he kept asking.

Max said what everyone was thinking but no one else would say. "I really miss Aunt Bonnie today."

"Me too," said Josh.

"Me three," said Tom.

"We all do honey," said Elaine. "Maybe she misses us too wherever she is."

"Hey Mom. How are you doing?" said Josh to the rafters. Tom laughed.

"Don't you think she's up there?" said Max to Tom.

"I don't know." said Tom.

"What do you believe?" Elaine asked him. She gave him the impression that his answer was important.

Tom thought about it a minute and then said, "You mean God and philosophy and all that? I try not to think about it. You can drive yourself crazy. Why? What do you believe in?"

The boys disappeared back under the Mustang.

Elaine said, "I believe in myself. Everyone else is undependable, unpredictable, and possibly dangerous until proven otherwise."

"Really?" said Tom.

"Yes. Really," said Elaine. She leaned back against the work bench.

"You just need a good man," said Tom.

"You know any?" said Elaine.

"Ouch." Tom made a show of holding his chest.

"I'm sorry. That was mean." She seemed to be genuinely sorry.

"You're forgiven. And kind of cute."

"You are incorrigible."

"I bet you can even spell that."

"Yep. As a matter of fact I can," said Elaine.

"I've really got to get back to work," said Tom. "Are you going to stick around?"

"For a while."

"Excellent," said Tom. "Josh, bring my dolly back out. Those brackets aren't going to install themselves."

Josh's voice came out from the depths. "They are all done. We're working on the pipes."

"OK cool. Are the adapters on the headers?"

"Yep."

"Come out anyway. Let me check them," said Tom.

Under the car he inspected the work and told Max, "You guys did a nice job." Max was enjoying the male attention. They were getting the first set of pipes into position when Max heard a different voice coming from above. "We came for Josh's birthday. Why are you people working on Josh's birthday?" it said.

"Oh. Yippee," whispered Tom in a voice that signified the exact opposite.

"Who is it?" Max whispered.

"Josh's grandmother. I've got to go."

"I'll stay here," said Max.

"I always knew you were a smart kid," said Tom.

"Cause that's what I want Grammy," Max heard Josh say. "It's my birthday and I can have what I want."

"You have to have a real birthday. What's that matter with people these days?" said Juliet.

"I'm sure Josh appreciates your interest, don't you honey?" said Elaine.

"Yep. You betcha. Absolutely," said Josh and then he suddenly appeared next to Max. He began to bang loudly on one of the exhaust pipes for no purpose other than to drown his grandmother out with the noise. Max giggled.

"I'm not doing so well," said Juliet, loudly enough to be heard over the noise. "I'm upset." Her tone became more desperate. "Really upset."

Josh stopped banging. "Dad won't take the bait. Wanna bet?" he whispered to Max.

"Mom will," Max replied. "She can't help it."

"About what if I may ask?" said Elaine politely. "Told ya," said Max.

"Oh my. It's my poor Mitch," Juliet wailed. Max started the banging this time and Josh eagerly joined in. Juliet got louder and louder to compensate.

"I haven't heard a word, I tell you, not a word from him in months," she yelled. "I purely don't know what's become of him." The next pipe went in quietly. Max was intrigued.

"Sounds like a good thing to me," Josh whispered.

"He'll be around when he needs money," Tom said.

"He's driving me crazy with worry. How can he do this to me?" Juliet said.

"I'm sure he's fine," said Elaine.

"He's not fine. He wouldn't do this to me if he was fine," Juliet snapped. Max started banging again with a bit of imitation of a flamboyant drummer. "Too much rhythm," Josh told him. Max turned to find Marvin on his hands and knees watching them. Max nudged Josh to make him look at Marvin. Marvin winked at them and then disappeared.

Emboldened, Max said loudly enough for Juliet to hear, "If I might make a suggestion?"

"Are you out of your mind?" Josh whispered.

"What?" Juliet demanded.

"Have you filed a missing persons report with the police?" said Max.

There was no reply. After a couple of minutes of quiet, Josh asked, "Is she gone?"

"She skedaddled. I guess Max scared her off," said Tom. "I don't even try to understand."

The boys both emerged. "Good. I need the dolly. We're not getting anything done today."

"Yes we are. We got it done. All you have to do is double check our clearances," said Max, proudly.

Elaine laughed. "See Tom. They did most of it for you." She was more than a little proud herself.

"Cool. Works for me. I must be a good teacher, then," said Tom.

"I'm going to get going," said Elaine. "I'll walk you out," said Tom.

At the corner Elaine carefully went out of her way to step around a certain, still stained, section of the sidewalk. She smiled ruefully at Tom, hoping he did not think her to be superstitious. He said sympathetically, "I still have dreams about that day."

"I know it's just concrete with, unfortunately, a bit of extra iron in it. I don't believe in ghosts. Not really. But...," her voice faded away. Tom smoothed her hair back from her face and kissed her cheek and this time she let him.

A few months later, Josh was sitting on his bed staring at his new laptop computer. The book report he was trying to write on Lonesome Dove refused to grow from two pages to three pages. Max was flat on his stomach on the other bed doing Chemistry homework. The room was quiet. Elaine was adamant about not listening to loud music when they were doing homework. Josh was astounded at first. His family used to be thrilled if he did it at all. They certainly didn't care how. But he'd gotten used to the quiet and he had to admit that he did find it easier to concentrate. Summarizing a long meandering story into three pages was still too difficult, quiet or not, he thought.

Tom's voice came floating down the hall, but Josh only heard a word here and there. He slowly became aware that something interesting was going on, probably because when Tom raised his voice one of the words Josh picked up was 'coercion' and another was 'money.'

Josh put his laptop down, saw Max looking his way and put his finger in front of his lips, and tiptoed to the door. He stood just out of sight from the living room, but leaned into a spot where he could hear the adults talking.

"You shouldn't do that," said Max, rolling back over onto his stomach.

"Don't you want to know what they're talking about?" whispered Josh.

"If they wanted to talk to us, they would come in here," said Max without looking away from his book. "They want to talk to each other."

"You're such a priss," said Josh.

Max flipped his middle finger at Josh over his shoulder.

Josh closed his eyes to concentrate better. He barely heard Tom say, "I don't care. I still think you don't have to honor a promise made when you were too shocked to know what you were doing."

Josh couldn't make out everything Elaine said. Part of what he heard was, "responsible for bigger consequences than...something."

Then Tom said, "Consequences to him, or consequences to Max and you?"

This time Josh heard Elaine clearly, because she must have turned in his direction. "Very big consequences to him."

"Screw him," said Tom. "I'm only concerned with my family."

Elaine said, "Why should I upset the cart if Max isn't concerned about it right now. You're the only one who's worried about it."

Tom said, "Max is more worried about it than he ever lets on to you. He needs to know who his father is. Wouldn't it drive you crazy not to know if it was you?"

Josh whispered to Max, "They're talking about your father."

"Really?" said Max with great interest. He slipped off the bed and came to take a spot opposite Josh. Josh shook his head at Max like he was a naughty little boy. Max stuck his tongue out in return.

Elaine said, "I think you're the one who can't stand not knowing. That's not fair. I told you in the beginning that I couldn't tell."

"I really don't care. I'm just arguing for Max's sake. Really."

"Theoretically, I agree with you. He should know who his father is. But this situation is more complicated than that."

"No it really isn't," said Tom. "Truth is generally very simple."

They were silent for a minute. Josh could tell they'd had this conversation before. He looked over at Max. Max was disturbed. Josh didn't understand why, but he could see that Max's face was twitchy.

Tom said, "He'll find out someday. You can't keep a secret like that forever. He'll respect you more if he hears it from you."

"I really want to tell him, you know?" said Elaine. "I hate keeping secrets."

Max brushed past Josh and strode down the hall. Josh was too surprised to do anything at first and then he hurried along behind him to see what was going to happen.

Max came to a stop right in front of his mother and said, "So tell me then."

Josh skidded to a halt at the door of the living room.

Elaine looked at him and didn't say anything. Max crossed his arms in front of his chest and said, "It's my life. Tell me."

Elaine looked at Tom. Tom said, "You said he never directly asked. Now he's asked."

"Were you eavesdropping?" she asked Max accusingly.

"Yes," he said without embellishment, or embarrassment. "Mom, come on. It's time."

Elaine took a deep breath, blew it out slowly and said, "Yes, you're right. It's time."

She made a face, picked up the remote control and said, "How about I show you? It shouldn't be too hard to find him."

She flipped to CNN, and held up a finger for silence, and waited until they finished a story about a fire in a coalmine. Then they moved on to the never-ending political news about the upcoming presidential primary. George Curfani, senator from Illinois had announced today that he was seeking the nomination. Elaine was still holding her finger up, intent on the TV screen and gave Max no clue what they were watching for. Tom shrugged his shoulders in response to Max's curious look in his direction.

Then they showed a still photograph that they'd been showing all week of David Wells, the Governor of Colorado, and speculated as to whether his long awaited announcement was going to come in the next few days.

Elaine lowered her finger toward the screen.

Josh was getting tired of standing in the doorway and came in and sat on the couch.

"I see," said Josh. "It's obvious."

"What?" said Max.

"Look at him, man," said Josh. "You're not his son. You're his clone."

"David Wells?" asked Max. "Really?"

"Do you know something about him?" asked Elaine.

"Yeah, I do," said Max. "We've been doing a unit in social studies about elections." He sat down where he stood, at his mother's feet. His brain was too busy to think much about where he put his body.

"Wow," Max said. "You weren't kidding about big-time consequences."

"No. I wasn't," said Elaine. "I'm going to have to tell him that the cat is out of the bag. I'm sure he wasn't going to run anyway. Too much possibility of a big scandal."

"Wow," said Max again. "Can I meet him?"

"I guess that's up to him," said Elaine. "I don't know."

"Wow," said Max for the third time. His brain was starting to catch up. "If I didn't exist he'd be running, wouldn't he?"

"Yes," said Elaine. "Serves him right. He dumped me, and you, although you weren't born yet, so he could get to this. And now, for the same reasons, he can't close the deal. I guess he wasn't quite as smart as he thought he was."

"Wow," said Max again.

"Let's stop talking about his problems. Center of the damn universe," said Elaine. "How are you?"

Max thought for a minute and said, "Like my life suddenly makes more sense. I'm not half human and half mystery. I'm a real person."

"Good," said Elaine. "I'm glad."

"How about you?" Tom interjected. "How do you feel, Hon?"

Elaine grinned. "Like a big weight I've been carrying around for sixteen years is suddenly gone."

"Excellent," said Tom. "Now can we really start going out again?"

"Maybe," said Elaine. "Are you sure you're really OK, Max, honey?"

"I don't think anyone cares how I'm doing," said Josh, "but since you didn't ask, I am fine thank you. Max, bro, your other pop? Are you going to tell people about him?"

"Wow," said Max again. He looked at his mother. "I could ruin his life if I wanted to, couldn't I?"

"Certainly," she said. "Do you want to?"

Tom started to say something, but she held her hand up to shush him. Tom's the one that wanted to get this over with, so he'd have to see what happened when all the balls that were set in motion began to roll. This question was strictly and only for Max.

Finally Max said, "No. I have a father now. David Wells can be deprived of my delightful company until hell freezes over and he dies a lonely old man. I just needed to know. I'm not going to tell anyone."

Elaine got tears in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you, Max," she said. She reached over to pull him up off of the floor and hugged him hard.

"Can I say something now?" said Tom, when they were finished.

"Yes. I'm sorry," said Elaine.

"You are beautiful," said Tom.

Elaine smiled at him, and at everyone.

Josh said, "I won't tell anyone either, then. Mr. Details, that's me. Always have to tie up all the loose ends, while you people get all the good lines," which resulted in Josh and Max having a pillow fight with the couch cushions.

Tom and Elaine had a wonderful night. Elaine was late to work and gave every employee at the nursery a free hanging basket. Tom was learning that getting into the messy emotional stuff that he used to think men were supposed to avoid was quite a turn-on for the women. Who knew?

Chapter 1.9

After a few months in the high school Max was delighted to find himself in a small group of honor students where competing academically was a social world onto itself, instead of nerdy behavior that the other kids teased him about. Josh was a solid middle of the road student and discovered a new interest in drama club, where he met his first girlfriend, Winifred Febre.

Winnie's parents were both computer software developers that worked ridiculously long hours, leaving her and her older sister to fend for themselves most of the time. Elaine accepted her and encouraged the relationship immediately, thrilled to have another female in the mix. Max teased Josh about her from time to time, citing his own intention not to get involved with women until his career was well under way. Josh's consistent response was, "We'll see. It may not be up to you." Max intended to organize every aspect of his life on a timetable and flowchart. His career plans were firm, but secret. Josh on the other hand had only a vague idea that next year may follow this year. Winnie was invited to Thanksgiving dinner along with Tom's brother, Pete, and his wife Karen.

Pete was a police officer in Wilmington, and Max spent quite a while talking to him about his job. Karen was drinking steadily and rolled her eyes to mean that she was sick to death of Pete's job. To be polite, Josh asked her several times about her job in the Recorder of Deeds office, but she always answered in two or three words and then fell silent again. Pete was in the middle of telling Winnie and Josh about a recent murder when Juliet and Marvin arrived uninvited.

Tom was infuriated, but Elaine greeted them warmly and arranged extra seats at the table.

When the conversation soon began to drag, Winnie said to Pete, "Mrs. Tyler's son has been missing since last February." Winnie loved mysteries, and was disappointed that no one else seemed to care about solving this one.

"Mitch?" asked Pete.

"Yes, Mitch. I only have one son," said Juliet.

"He's probably OK," said Karen. "He'll come home when he runs out of money."

"Yes, I'm sure he will," said Juliet, with a nice smile.

Josh was confused. Whenever one of them tried to tell her that she accused them of being heartless, because they weren't frenetic enough to suit her. He said, "I thought you told me that he must be in terrible trouble, or else he would call. He would never make you worry like this, and all that."

"He's fine. I'm sure of it," Juliet said. "Why must you be so dramatic?"

"He's not being dramatic, Mrs. Tyler. I heard you say all that too," said Winnie.

Juliet smiled, but made a mental note to try to embarrass Winnie before the day was over.

"Have your local police tried to trace him?" asked Pete.

"They're useless," said Juliet. She seemed very uncomfortable, even though everyone was trying to help her with her problem. "I'm sure he'll turn up soon. It's no big deal."

She started to move away, but Pete said, "I can check around. I'll see what I can find out."

Juliet spun on her heel, surprisingly quickly. "Oh, no. Absolutely not. I wouldn't want you to go to any trouble," said Juliet.

"It's not much trouble," he said.

"I'm disappointed with you, Josh," she said, angrily. "This is hardly the time or place to get into personal family business. Your young lady's manners need some work." She strode off to the kitchen angrily

"What did I do?" Winnie asked. "I didn't mean to start anything."

"That's my grandmother for you," said Josh. "You didn't do anything. It all depends on what critter crawled up her butt and died lately."

"Now, I'm curious," said Pete. "Something's weird about this deal."

"I think you should mind your own business," Karen said, sloshily. "Nothing good can come of messing around in Juliet's life. It never does."

"I'll do as I please," he said.

A week later, they all watched David Wells make an announcement on television. Max felt strange watching him take the podium at the Colorado Statehouse. He wasn't yearning for some contact with him, like he thought he might be. He didn't hate him either, like he did for a while. He was mostly curious, and hoping for some insight into the man that might explain some things about his own makeup. He kept thinking that it was weird that something that most people take for granted, knowing what parts of you might have come from each of your parents, was so enticing, and yet so scary for him.

David Wells said, "Thank you for being here today. I will read a prepared statement and then I'll take a few questions."

"I will not be seeking the nomination of my party for the presidency of the United States. I wish to serve the people of Colorado as governor for my full term, and another if they'll have me. There is much work still to be done in our own state."

Max said to Elaine, "We did that, didn't we?"

"I wrote him a letter, telling him that you knew," she said.

"Did he write back?" he asked.

"Not yet," she said. Max turned back toward the screen.

Wells talked on for a few minutes about educational initiatives, highway improvements and taxes in Colorado, and then said, "I'll take a few questions now."

"Yes, Marie?" he said, indicating a reporter in a red sweater near the front of the room.

"Governor Wells, will you be running for the presidency in four years?" she asked.

"No," he said. "I will not seek the presidency at all."

He called on another reporter, who said, "Governor Wells, you've been a favorite in the party's stable of possible candidates for a year now. There must be another reason why you will not run other than desire to serve the State of Colorado? What is that reason, sir?"

"Any reasons other than what I have already stated are personal and not political," he answered.

"He's almost honest for a politician," Tom observed. "He could've easily dodged that question."

Max made note of that comment.

Josh said, "He does look a lot like you, doesn't he?"

"Shut up a minute. I want to listen," said Max.

A reporter asked, "Which of the candidates who have already declared do you endorse?"

"I have not made a decision about that yet," said Wells. "I have only made my own decision over the past week."

The discussion went on for five more minutes, with the questions all trying to force Wells into making a comment about one or another of the other candidates, but he never did.

Elaine turned off the TV and asked Max, "What do you think?"

"I don't know," he said. "I thought he looked unhappy."

"I thought he looked arrogant," said Elaine.

"I don't think so," said Max. "He's a politician. Aren't they all like that?"

"He looks like a man whose career just came to a screaming halt," said Tom. "He's trying to put a good face on it."

Josh said, "At least he speaks in sentences that don't go on for twelve or thirteen lines in search of a period like most of those dudes. I'd say that means that most of his brain cells are connected to one another."

Max smiled. "Keep talking like that and people might get the idea that you're becoming educated," he said.

"Naw, it was a one-time slip of my coolness, just for you." said Josh. "I thought you might like to hear something positive about the guy."

"I still think he sounded arrogant," said Elaine.

The guys all understood that Elaine had every right and reason to think whatever she wanted to about Wells, so they didn't argue about it anymore.

Pete called Tom around the first of the year, on a Monday evening, when they were all sitting at the dinner table having roast pork and sauerkraut. "Remember at Thanksgiving, your ex-mother-in-law, and Josh's friend and all, talking about Mitch going missing?"

"Yes," said Tom.

"Well, I forgot about it for a while, but I remembered today, and decided to look into it. It took me all of half an hour to find out where he is. You wanna guess?"

"I never really wanted to know anyway," said Tom. "But go ahead. Where is he?"

"He's serving three to five at Graterford Penitentiary for breaking into a truck at a rest stop on the turnpike. He's lucky the trucker that caught him in the act didn't kill him. He only broke his jaw and his arm. What an idiot."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud," said Tom. "And the way Juliet went on about it. Wait until I tell Josh about this one. Thanks."

Tom sat back down at the table and Josh said, "Tell me what?"

"That was Pete," he said. "He found out where Mitch is."

"Where is he?" said Josh.

"He's in jail. Where he's been since last February."

"He's in jail?" Josh exclaimed. "Jail?"

"I told you to stay away from him," Tom said, calmly, putting more mashed potatoes on his plate. "If you would like to tell me how wise I am, you may begin."

"Do you think Grammy doesn't know, or do you think she's lying?" said Josh.

"Oh, for God's sake, she has to know," said Tom. "She probably visits him."

Elaine said, "She wouldn't lie about something like that, would she? We have to tell her."

"She has to know," said Tom again. "She wanted to get a lot of sympathy and save face at the same time. It worked too."

Elaine said, "Are you serious? Do people do things like that?"

"She's probably convinced herself by now. Her grip on reality isn't too tight sometimes."

Josh said, "Well I don't care. I'm going to bawl her out for what she put us all through."

Tom said, "Do you really want to muck around with whatever goes on inside her head? What would it accomplish?"

Josh said, "We can't pretend that we don't know. That's the same as lying." Josh was irate and still adding one memory after another to fuel the fire.

"She'd deny it," said Tom.

Josh's fire was still on the rise. "Come on, Dad. Come with me to talk to her. I'm not going to let her get away with her stuff this time. She's gone too far now."

"Maybe we should all go. She might have a harder time lying to a whole group of people," said Elaine. "Plus, there's still a chance that she really doesn't know. Then we could keep Josh from beating up on her for no good reason."

"All right," Tom said. "But I'm warning you. No good is going to come of this."

Max said, "I'm half-ass related to an almost president and a convicted criminal. What the heck does that make me?"

"A middle-middle-middle-class American. Right smack dab on the pinnacle of the bell curve. Exactly halfway from anywhere," said Elaine.

"Right," said Max. Sometimes his mother's logic was irrefutable.

After the dishes were cleared they all set out for Juliet's house.

Juliet answered the door, and looked apprehensive. When they were all seated in the living room, Josh came right to the point.

"Grammy," he said, "Did you know all this time that Mitch was in jail?"

Juliet became terribly calm and concerned. She shook her head and said, "I'm worried about you Josh. How do you get such wild ideas? Who would put such a thing in your poor head?"

"We found out through the police," Josh said, gritting his teeth. "I guess they know whether they locked him up or not."

"Oh, I see," she said, smiling. "Now I understand. It was Pete, wasn't it? He never was right in the head. You don't listen to him, honey."

Marvin said, "Yep. That Pete's a wacko."

Tom got up and said, "Come on, Josh. Let's go. They didn't want to know where he was after all."

"I'm not done yet, Dad," said Josh. He turned back to Juliet. "It was wrong of you to get everyone worried when there was no cause. You were mean. You have to say you're sorry."

Juliet started to cry. "Why are you doing this to an old lady?" she sniffled. "How did my good little baby grandson get so cruel?"

Elaine rummaged in her purse for a tissue to hold out to Juliet.

"I told you," said Tom, totally unimpressed with the waterworks.

Juliet went from sniffling to vicious in less time than it took Elaine to pull back the tissue that she was holding out.

"What the shit does that mean?" Juliet shot at Tom as though her mouth was the muzzle of a firearm. Or maybe her GI tract was just connected upside down, so that what came out the top was what usually comes out the bottom, he thought. "Told him what? That I'm crazy? You're the one that put him up to this, aren't you? You put him up to this. You never liked me anyway."

"Mrs. Tyler, I don't think Josh meant any harm," said Elaine with exaggerated calmness. "He was only trying to help you find out where Mitch was."

She thought she could talk Juliet down before a full-scale war broke out. She could see that Tom was fuming but tightly controlled. Josh was enraged, but of the variety that was making him temporarily speechless. Max was horrified. She thought for a minute that she should probably have left him at home, but then consoled herself by deciding that he'd have to deal with people like this at some point in his life, so this might be a good educational opportunity for him. At least they had safety in numbers going for them.

"No one asked you people to meddle in my private business, Miss Society," Juliet sneered at Elaine. Elaine was not at all used to being spoken to in such a tone, but she tried hard to manage the situation with as much dignity as possible for the sake of setting an example for Max. Being reasonable was now strictly an act, because it had taken less than five minutes for Juliet to fill Elaine's head with an almost irresistible impulse to break something glass across Juliet's face, an image the likes of which Elaine had never had to resist before.

"Actually, you did," she said. "On many different occasions."

"We all got along just fine before you got involved," Juliet said, challenging Elaine with her eyes.

Josh snapped out of whatever state of mind had gotten hold of his tongue, possibly to come to Elaine's rescue, and said, "You never answered my question. Did you know that Mitch was in jail all this time?"

"Yes," Juliet half-screamed at Josh. "There! Are you happy now? Yes, damn you!"

Max was about ready to start digging a foxhole in the living room floor. He crossed his arms in front of his body and folded his trunk down almost to his legs.

"We can leave at any time," Tom said to Max.

"No, Grammy. I'm not happy. How can I ever trust you if you lie to me?" said Josh. He reached out his hand to put it on Max's shoulder. "And you're scaring my friend. Why don't you bring down the nastiness a notch or two?"

He must have gotten through to her. She looked at him without the ugliness for a minute or two and then said, "If I'd told you all that I was upset because they locked up my Mitch, you would've all laughed at me." She stuck out her lower lip like a little girl and for a minute Josh had the clear impression that he finally was seeing the real Grammy, about four years old.

"No we wouldn't," Josh said. He moved his hand from Max to her. Tom was repulsed. Something about her felt contagious to him. Elaine felt an urge to mother her, even though she wanted to hurt her just a minute ago.

Josh went on, "We'd have been more supportive if we knew the truth."

Tom wanted to say, "Watch out. You're about to sign up for a lifetime of providing her with sympathy all the time," but he kept his mouth shut. Josh seemed to know what he was doing.

There was a long silence. It became so uncomfortable that Max said, "We'd better be going soon."

That seemed to bring Juliet back from wherever her thoughts had taken her, and she said, "I'm glad you know," to no one in particular. "I guess it's easier that way."

Marvin spoke up again and squeezed six words out. "Easier for me too," he said. "Families suck."

Josh gave his grandmother a hug. "Friends, again?" he said.

"Yeah, I guess. But you still have a smart mouth," she said.

"Everyone says that," he said.

"Let's go," said Tom. He nodded toward the door. He was glad that Josh got whatever he needed from this, but he emphatically did not want to give Juliet another moment of attention.

On the way to the car, Josh said, "She never did apologize for lying."

"No, and I'm sure she never will," said Tom. "It's not possible for her. But you still did very well. A lot more than I would've done."

"Thanks," said Josh. "She's the only grandmother I've got. Damn she's hard work though."

"Yeah, I know," said Tom.

Max said, "Maybe I should be glad that my grandmother's in a home and doesn't know who we are."

"Yeah, really," said Josh.

Elaine surprised them all when she said, "That woman is not in her right mind. You should be trying to make her get help. You just ignore the problem."

"As if she would ever listen to anyone. What a pointless effort that would be," said Tom. "Never gonna happen."

"I'm serious," said Elaine. "She's sick. She should have treatment."

"Probably," said Tom. "No definitely. But you can't help people that don't want help."

"You have to try," she said.

Tom seldom took anything so badly. He was deeply offended that Elaine would criticize him like that. There was a definite cooling off period in their almost-relationship for quite a while.

Chapter 1.10

In June, Tom left work early and drove to the high school for Josh's last baseball game of the season. He felt bad that he'd not been able to see any of Josh's other games but he couldn't afford to miss any more work. It was a wonderful day to be off though. There was a bright blue sky, and it was eighty degrees. Perfect baseball weather.

The game was lightly attended. Twenty other adult fans were dispersed in the bleachers and about another twenty kids were all sitting together in the front rows. Tom took a seat about halfway up the risers to the far right so he could see more of Josh behind the plate from the side. The boys had not come out of the locker room yet.

Juliet trudged across the grass from the parking lot toward the field and Tom stood up to wave. She spotted him and lumbered up to sit by him. "It was nice of you to come," he said.

"I wouldn't miss my grandson's game for anything," she said. Tom tried to think of something to talk about besides the subject of Mitch. "How's work at the nursing home?" he said.

"Same stuff. New day," Juliet said, and sighed. "I'm getting too old for this. I did lose one of my favorite clients last week. I hate when that happens. Mrs. Gianopolis was a real sweetheart. Her mind was sharp right up to the end. She died in her sleep. She was a hundred and two years old."

"That's a very long life," said Tom.

"Did you know that she retired from nursing the same year that Bonnie was born? She was retired as long as Bonnie's whole life. Isn't that weird?"

"Yeah, that's weird," said Tom. He was watching Elaine come toward the field from the school. She scanned the area and Tom knew that she had spotted him. He waited to see what she would do. His heart beat faster hoping that she would come to sit with him. He knew that she was not at all anxious to have to deal with Juliet again. They'd argued a number of times about how to handle her. He hastened to continue the conversation with Juliet so as to seem nonchalant to Elaine. "Did your hundred and two year old lady have family?" he asked.

Juliet nodded her head. "Listen to this," she said. "Three kids of her own, but one died a couple of years ago. He was almost eighty himself. Five grandkids, twelve great-grandkids, and three great-greats. Can you imagine living to see great greats? Those are your grandchildren's grandchildren."

"Yes." Tom cheered silently. Elaine was definitely coming to sit with them. He nodded to her as she put one foot onto the bleachers. He said to Juliet, "It sounds like the great-grandkids were not breeding as well as the grandkids."

Elaine took a seat on the other side of Tom. He smiled and said, "Hi."

Elaine smiled back, and said, "Beautiful day isn't it?"

Juliet said, "That generation was just getting started."

Tom explained to Elaine, "We were talking about a lady in Juliet's nursing home who just died at the age of a hundred and two." They had been tense with each other since the big fight with Juliet, talking mostly about the logistical details to coordinate doing things for the boys.

"I don't think I want to live that long," Elaine said. She looked lovely in jeans and her Webster's Gardens polo shirt. Tom thought she might have put on some weight and that it suited her.

"Why not?" he asked.

"If I get too old to grow plants and design gardens anymore, I don't think I'd want to go on," she said.

"Oh," Tom said. "It really means that much to you?"

"Yes. It does," she said.

"I didn't know that. I learned something about you today."

Elaine gave Tom a quizzical look.

"What?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"How are you Juliet?" she asked.

"I'm not so well, but thank you for asking," said Juliet with a deep sigh. She took a dishtowel out of her bag and started mopping her face with it.

Elaine knew better than to ask what was wrong, so she said, "I'm sorry to hear that. You must be very proud of Josh. He's a natural as a catcher."

"Yes. The poor little thing. He is though. A good catcher, I mean. It's my son that's the problem."

Elaine had no idea what the problem was, but she said, "I hope it all works out."

Juliet was undaunted. "That jail is making him sick. I don't know what I'm going to do. Mothers worry, you know. I'm sure you know. You're a mother."

Tom turned his head so that Juliet couldn't see and rolled his eyes at Elaine. She tried to suppress a smile. "I'm sure he's fine," she said to Juliet. "Try not to worry. It's not good for you."

Juliet was starting to get wound up. "First a kidney stone and then a something in his you know -- parts," she wailed. Then she hung her head and stared at her hands in her lap. "They don't feed him good food. They're killing me with worry."

Elaine was spared from having to respond when the boys came out onto the baseball field. Josh tipped his hat toward them, looked at his Dad, pointed at Elaine, and gave Dad the thumbs up sign, and then took his position behind home plate. Max ran out to third and did not make any acknowledgement.

The opposing team, Indian Valley's first batter hit a single on the first pitch. The second batter advanced him to second on a foul pop-up that Josh caught. Elaine, Tom and Juliet yelled and clapped. Then came a line drive into left field. The left fielder got the ball to Max in time for him to tag the runner at third. A strike out followed to put Maple Valley at bat.

Lee hit a double, followed by two strikeouts and then Max came up. Elaine was animated, jumping around in her seat. "He's a hitter," she told Tom, grinning. "Bring him home," she yelled out to Max. Tom thought she was adorable, which made him sad.

Max didn't swing at the first pitch. He missed the second. He put everything he had into the third and sent it deep into the outfield almost exactly halfway between the right and left fielders. They both scrambled for it. Max made it to third and the runner came home.

Josh came up next. "Come on, bro. Bring me home," Max yelled from third. Josh swung at a dirt ball that he had no business swinging at. "Settle down, Josh," yelled Tom. "Let them go."

"Let him be. They're just kids," Juliet scolded him. He ignored her. Elaine put her hand on his arm, and he was so conscious of it laying there that it felt charged. Josh let the next ball go by. "That's it," yelled Tom.

Then he let a strike go by and Coach Zeller yelled, "What're ya doin'?" Finally he hit a grounder, but Indian Valley chased the runner down between home and third and the inning ended.

"He'll get 'em next time," Elaine said. "He's grown three inches this year. His new arms are hard to get used to."

"Yeah," said Tom. "He's gone through three shoe sizes in six months."

By the end of the fifth inning the score was tied at four. Josh still hadn't gotten a hit, but he was doing well catching. Max brought in three of the runs, but he missed a throw at third that let three of Indian Valley's runs come in, so his performance essentially canceled itself out. Juliet left, saying that she had an important errand to run, but Tom suspected that she was just hot and bored because he wasn't paying enough attention to her.

Tom was acutely aware of Elaine next to him, with no one else close by. He badly wanted to put his arm around her. She seemed to sense it and moved about six inches further away.

Indian Valley loaded the bases with one out. Their batter popped one up into left field but Lee missed it and by the time he got the ball to Max three runners had gone by. Max tagged the batter coming into third. Two outs. He spun and fired the ball toward Josh who still had time to tag the runner coming into home. It was Max's most impressive fielding move of the game.

Josh was poised and waiting for the throw, and impressed that Max executed it perfectly. The runner was a very big kid, six feet tall and still growing, and closing in on two hundred pounds. He bore down on Josh like the fullback that he was during football season. It was raw intimidation but Josh held his ground, left foot planted on the plate. At the same moment that Josh reached to the left to make the catch, the runner theoretically dove for home, but the move he executed was really a barely disguised tackle. He hit Josh, off balance, square in the knees. The ball flew out of Josh's glove. He went down hard on his back and heard a bone crack in his right calf. His vision went fuzzy from pain.

Tom didn't think about what he was doing. He was on the field and had the fullback by the front of his shirt and was trying to throw a punch in the kid's face, without any trace of logical thought. But his arms wouldn't move because two coaches, the umpire, and a couple of other guys were trying to stop him.

"If this little bastard ever plays baseball in this county again, I'm going to kick all your asses," Tom yelled at the other men. "I want him arrested."

The kid was as strong as Tom, but he was scared, so he waited to see what would happen. He could take one man-sized right cross to the jaw without permanent damage. Tom was determined to prove to him that he wasn't as tough as he thought he was.

"Mr. Greenwood." "Tom." "Tom!" Max's insistent voice broke through Tom's rage. "TOM!"

Tom turned to find him in the general melee.

"Tom," Max said when they made eye contact. "Josh is hurt bad. He needs you."

Elaine was already trying to tend to him, since everyone in authority was busy trying to restrain Tom.

"Dad?" said Josh, disoriented.

"He's coming honey," said Elaine.

"Where is he?"

"He's trying to punch out the kid who tackled you."

Josh started to laugh and cry at the same time. When Tom got to him, he was getting hysterical. Tom asked him how he was doing and he pointed at his calf, laughing uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" Tom asked. Meanwhile he looked at the calf and looked at Elaine. "I don't think we should try to move him," she said. It was a compound fracture. Even to a layman it was not hard to see that what was sticking out of Josh's calf was bone. Coach Umbridge said, "I already called the ambulance." The school nurse appeared from somewhere, and put ice around the wound and on Josh's forehead. "It's bad isn't it?" Josh screeched, and then stopped laughing and gulped ragged jerky inhalations like a two-year-old coming down from a crying fit. "Take, inhale, me, inhale, to, inhale, the, inhale, closest, inhale, MORPHINE!!"

"Squeeze my hand," Tom said. Josh was strong. He squeezed Tom's hand so hard that Tom was afraid there would be more than one broken bone in the family.

The ambulance crew arrived and while they were stabilizing Josh's leg for transport Tom remembered the baseball game in progress and the crowd. He didn't see any sign of the kid who he'd tried to punch. Someone must have hustled him away. The rest of the kids were standing around waiting for someone to tell them what to do now.

"We're not going to finish the game," Coach Umbridge said. "Everyone can go."

Elaine asked Max if he could get another ride home if she rode to the hospital with Tom and Josh.

Max said, "I want to come with you."

"It's just going to be a lot of sitting and waiting," she said.

"I don't care. He's like my brother."

"Will one of you please keep me informed from the hospital?" Coach Umbridge said. "I've never seen anything like this in twenty five years of coaching baseball."

At the hospital Josh had to have surgery to set his leg.

"I should've killed that kid when I had the chance," Tom grumbled while they were waiting to hear that Josh had been moved to the recovery room. "I can't believe that you can do something like that with no consequences."

"And if you had, Josh would be in surgery with his Pop at the courthouse getting himself arraigned," said Elaine. "I don't see how that would help the situation."

"It's not right," said Tom. "Do you think that kid had it in for Josh for some reason?" he asked Max.

"Neither of us ever saw him before, as far as I know. He's just a wild kid, I think."

"It was cool, you going after him like that. At least you scared him for a minute. I'd have done the same thing if I were a man," said Elaine.

"Why wouldn't a woman do that? What about the famous 'mama bear protecting her cubs' instincts?" he kidded Elaine.

"That kid is already the kind of man that scares the crap out of us," said Elaine. "But I was proud of you though."

Tom beamed. Then he said, "I'd have thought that you would've been horrified at my lack of self-control."

"Quite the contrary. You haven't had all your basic instincts beaten out of you. I like that."

"I thought you didn't like Tom anymore," said Max. "What's up with that?"

Elaine gave him a dirty look. "Max...," she warned. Then she smiled at Tom. He was more confused than ever.

Max said defiantly, "You guys stopped....whatever, dating, courting, whatever, the night you told me about my father. Was it my fault somehow?"

"No, Honey," Elaine hastened to say. "It wasn't about you."

"Good," Max said. "But I wish I knew what it was so I could try to fix it."

Tom could tell that Elaine was very uncomfortable but he was worse. They were sitting in the same waiting room where the doctor told him that Bonnie was gone, although Elaine and Max didn't know that. In the silence that followed, he felt Bonnie nearby. At the same time he was sure he was imagining it.

Bonnie's voice was inside his head. "She misses you," she said, or he imagined she said.

He didn't answer her in words, even internally. It was just a feeling. I'm not good enough for her. She's only being kind.

Bonnie's answer was, "you damn fool," and then she was gone.

Tom simply accepted it, real or not. He hesitated for a half a minute, made his decision, took a deep breath and said, "I'd like to fix it too. What about you?"

Max crossed his fingers on both hands and held them in front of his chest.

Elaine stared at Tom for a few seconds and then said, "What about my mother?"

Tom looked at her like she had three heads. "What on God's green earth does your mother have to do with anything?"

Max started to say something, and Elaine cut him off with, "Shut up! Now!"

Max pulled an imaginary zipper across his mouth.

"Are you trying to tell me that you didn't leave the restaurant in such an almighty hurry that night because you were repulsed by what I told you about my mother?"

"Good grief," said Tom. "No. I have uglier skeletons in my closet. One of my grandfathers was a Nazi defector. I don't expect anyone to hold me responsible for that."

"Then why in the hell did you leave?" Elaine was angry.

"Because I felt like a fool when I found out who I was competing with." Tom acted like he was explaining the color red to a kindergartner. "Mr. X is a real VIP. Dumb old Tom Greenwood thinks he can win over a woman who's in love with, like, Henry Kissinger, or somebody."

Tom studied Elaine's face carefully. First she looked amazed and then she started to giggle. Max started dancing in front of the plate glass window. They both pointedly ignored him. He wouldn't let them. "Go, team, go," he began to chant. Tom relented and gave him the thumbs up sign. Elaine started to laugh out loud.

"And what did I learn and then never believe about men's egos?" she said. "That beats all."

"Huh?" said Tom.

It was her turn to explain the color blue to a kindergartner. "That was when I changed my mind about David, you big dork. That's what I was working up to telling you in the restaurant that night. I had to tell you the whole background so you would understand how I got to the point of changing my mind, but you didn't let me finish."

"And what was that little thing about women changing their minds?" said Tom. "Touché."

Max's dance in front of the window now included arms up in the touchdown signal.

"Bonnie's right. I'm a damn fool," said Tom.

It was Elaine's turn to say, "Huh?"

"Never mind," said Tom. "So, lady, would you like to go out to dinner with me on Saturday night."

She leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. He turned her face to give her a real kiss, slightly abbreviated due to Max.

After much too long an interval to be decent in a hospital waiting room, even if they were the only ones there, she pulled away and said, "Regarding Saturday night, I think we'll probably be taking care of your injured son."

"Right. So I guess we've already moved beyond dating and directly into domestic bliss," said Tom.

"Except for the sleeping arrangement," said Elaine with a wide grin.

"Mom!" yelped Max. "My tender ears."

"YOU, little one. Did you want a father or not?" she said.

Max rolled his eyes. "Maybe," he said. He punched Tom on the arm and said, "Can I be the one to tell Josh?"

They finally went in to see Josh in the recovery room. He was groggy and in pain and not sure where he was or what had happened. Tom tried to explain, but he fell asleep again while Tom was talking. When he woke up again, he asked, "Did they give him the run?" His head rolled away to the wrong side and Elaine rolled it back over so he could see his father.

"I don't think so," said Tom. "They cancelled the rest of the game. How are you feeling?"

"Like someone cracked my leg over their knee like a piece of firewood," said Josh.

"That's pretty close to the truth," said a very old doctor who had just come up. "We had to put a pin in it, but you're going to heal just fine."

"Can I play baseball again?" asked Josh.

"I don't see why not," the doctor said.

"Yippee," said Josh, in a voice that was fading away. He was starting to slip out again. Max was impatiently waiting to tell Josh the news, shifting from one foot to the other, and drumming his fingers on a tray table.

The doctor checked Josh over, and said, "We'll want to keep him overnight, but he'll probably be able to go home tomorrow afternoon. He's as young and healthy as they come."

"Take it easy on your brother for a while, OK son?" he said to Max and then he left.

Max wiggled Josh's shoulder to keep him awake. "Guess what, Josh," he said.

"Good throw," said Josh drowsily.

"Thank you," said Max. "You're the only one who noticed in all the commotion. Guess what? Mom and your Dad made up."

"Really?" Josh was awake again.

"Yes, really," said Elaine. Josh looked at Tom for confirmation. He nodded.

Josh put on his best English accent and said, "Crickey. The things I have to do to keep you people sorted out. Bloody well time." And then he slept for six hours.

Chapter 1.11

A couple of weeks after Josh was injured Tom made a decision. Over an amazing table of grilled bluefish and fresh tomatoes, mozzarella and basil and a small mountain of corn on the cob, ah the joys of summer, at Elaine's house because it was her turn to make dinner, Tom shocked everyone by saying, "I want to go to the Philadelphia Zoo."

"The zoo? Why?" said Josh. "Besides I don't think I could do it on crutches yet."

"I mean just me and Elaine. Not you kids," said Tom. "Will you go to the zoo with me Elaine?"

Elaine was as surprised as Josh was. "Have you ever been there before?" she asked Tom.

"No," said Tom. "Never have."

"What are you up to now?" said Max. "Are you making up for your lost childhood or something?"

"I didn't have a lost childhood. Just a different idea about wasting money on luxuries childhood."

"Education of all sorts is not a luxury," said Elaine.

"I know that. I didn't raise me. We're getting way off the point here," said Tom. "Will you go to the zoo with me or not?"

"Yes," said Elaine. "I'll go with you. It sounds like fun. I've never been there without chaperoning a bunch of kids."

"Can you take off work on Saturday?"

"Josie can cover for me."

Josh said, "I wish we could go too."

"Maybe next time," said Tom. And then he wouldn't talk about it anymore.

Tom and Elaine arrived inside the zoo around noon on a breezy partly cloudy but very hot day. Inside the main entrance several groups of excited children made lots of noise and one little girl nearly ran Tom over while he was examining the map, trying to get oriented. "Where do you want to go first? Do you have anything in particular that you really want to see the most?" Elaine asked him. Since he'd never been here before, she was willing to let his curiosity be their guide.

Tom pointed to a feature on his zoo map. "See this thing called Bird Lake?" he said. "I really want to go there." Some of the noisiest kids moved away and there was a moment of relative peace. Elaine was bemused. Of all the creatures he'd never seen in person before, he was the most interested in birds? There were plenty of them at home, granted not the more exotic ones. But still, little ones and the bigger ones like the vultures and the hawks and the herons, and the occasional sighting of a river eagle.

"OK," she said. "If that's what you want. So why the sudden interest in animals, anyway?"

Tom put on an exaggerated show of being offended. "I'm NOT just some grease monkey like you think," he said. His face indicated that he was only playing. "I can have other interests."

"Yes, of course," she said. "There's nothing wrong with real work, only with a narrow mind."

He seemed to be pleased with that answer.

"Can we see the gorillas," Elaine asked. "I always wanted to spend more time with them."

"By all means," said Tom with a bow. "The lady must see whatever she pleases."

At the gorilla exhibit, Elaine was content to stand quietly and watch for a long time. The gorillas outdoors were sitting around not doing much of anything. It was very hot after all. Inside there was a mother nursing a young baby. Elaine wished she could hold it. There was also an old male silverback sitting on the supersized stair arrangement examining an inner tube. Some youngsters kept trying to take it from him and he kept swatting them away. "Not too different from our kids, are they?" she asked Tom at one point.

"No. Not really," he said. Elaine looked at Tom from time to time to see if he was getting bored, but he seemed to be OK. "What do you find so fascinating," he asked after a while.

"They seem so almost human, but then also not human at the same time."

"I know this sounds dumb," said Tom, "But I'm mostly surprised that they are real and not something that some movie person dreamed up."

"I know what you mean," said Elaine. "Really."

"Are you ready to go to the Bird Lake yet?" Tom asked. He wasn't pushing. He was being remarkably patient.

"OK," she said. "I've gotten my fill."

They walked the long way around the primate exhibit to see the orangutans and the chimps on their way out. They passed the large cats, but only observed them briefly and then they arrived at the lake. Tom walked halfway around the large lake studying the waterfowl. Elaine wanted to give him the same opportunity to immerse himself that he'd given her, so she didn't talk for a while. She had the impression, though, that he wasn't all that immersed. He seemed to have something else on his mind.

He stopped at a bench that seemed to be what he'd really been looking for and asked with a questioning nod of his head if this was a satisfactory place to sit. They watched for a while. Presently Elaine asked, "Do you think the Canadian geese are part of the exhibit or are they just using the water as they're passing through?"

"I think they're just passing through," he said. "But I really like the swans, don't you?"

"They're beautiful," she said. The conversation died again.

Finally he said, "Elaine, I brought you here to ask you something."

She didn't see it coming. She should have, but she just didn't.

Tom slid off the bench, got down on one knee, pulled a jewelry box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal an acceptable diamond ring. Elaine was totally shocked. A young couple stopped about ten yards away to watch.

"This is the real one, Elaine," he said. "I'm not kidding around. Will you marry me?"

He looked up into her eyes with more of his soul exposed that he had ever shown anyone, including Bonnie. Tom was intolerably nervous waiting for her response. In all of his imaginings about what she might say, he'd never imagined the real response.

"Bonnie was my best friend," she said.

"I know," Tom said, still on his knee, and afraid that this was not going to end well.

"She was your wife," she said, leaning forward. "It doesn't seem right."

"I still miss her. I always will," said Tom. He did not try to talk her out of her feelings, although he no longer remembered who had taught him that idea. It was now a part of him.

He felt clumsy having this conversation on one knee, but he was afraid that if he got up he'd be giving up, so he stayed. The young couple moved away. When Elaine didn't seem to be inclined to say anything-she was still a bit shocked, he supposed- he said, "Until death do us part has happened. I never expected that, at least not until we were about eighty years old. But it happened anyway."

Elaine said, with the most curious expression on her face, "Right. Until death do us part? Right, then."

Tom could see something happening inside her. He waited to see where her line of thought was going and felt a strong emotion. Love.

"Does that apply to friends too?" she asked.

Tom smiled gently. "I suppose," he said. "Although I don't think friendships have to be registered at the county courthouse."

"Not yet. Don't start giving the government any ideas," Elaine said with a smile. She was out of her trance.

"Yes," she said next. "I accept your proposal."

"Really?" Tom asked astonished.

"Yes, really," she said.

"Thank God. My knee is killing me," he said getting up gingerly.

Tom put the ring on Elaine's finger and then they kissed deeply on the bench, with Tom rubbing his knee at the same time, hoping she didn't notice. He heard a loud meaningful cough behind them from someone who didn't approve. He turned to grin at the person, who turned out to be three grandmotherly ladies. "We just got engaged, right here," he told them.

One of the ladies said, "Mazel Tov." They all were smiling. Another lady, not to be outdone, said, "Together may you comb your great-grandchildren's hair."

"Thank you. Thank you very much," said Tom in his best John Wayne imitation.

"He's a keeper, honey," said the third lady to Elaine.

As Tom and Elaine were walking back toward the entrance arm in arm, with a bit of smooching now and then, pausing to observe anything that interested either of them with no plan at all, Elaine asked, "So how did you figure out that you had to do it by water? That was perfect."

Tom said, "Your friends at work clued me in. I did good didn't I?"

"Not bad. Not bad at all," said Elaine. After a few more exhibits, the clinical discussions of the mating patterns of animals were getting to be more than either of them could bear. So they found a motel on the way home.

Tom and Elaine decided to marry in November, thinking it wise to wait until at least a couple of months after the second anniversary of Bonnie's death, which was also Josh's sixteenth birthday. There was a spirited debate about which house to live in. Elaine had spent fifteen years on the gardens at hers and it would be like losing a child for her to give them up. The boys were in favor of Tom's house because of the pool. Tom really didn't care. A compromise was eventually reached. Tom and Josh would move into Elaine's house and they would get a family membership at the YMCA and promise to take the boys frequently to swim in the outdoor pool in the summertime.

Then there was the subject of money. Tom was astounded to discover just how profitable the garden center was. That income, combined with the money Elaine got from Wells until Max was eighteen, was more than enough to allow Tom to reconsider his options. Since the garden center was the big money maker, they discussed Tom quitting his job and helping Elaine manage it. She offered to make him a full partner. Elaine was getting tired of being completely responsible for it herself. Tom was leery because he didn't know much about plants or about business. He could learn but he was finally forced to admit that he didn't want that much responsibility.

"Well, then, what do you want?" she asked. It was a fair question, but it threw him into a spin. He'd never thought about what he wanted. It was always a question of what he could do to keep the wolves away from the door.

He tried to talk it over with the guys at work.

"What would you do for a living if you weren't doing this?" he asked Ray one day, right in the middle of offloading a pallet of drywall.

"I was going to be an accountant," Ray said. "I drank my way to failing my first year of college and here I am."

"An accountant?" said Tom. "I can't picture that. Why an accountant?"

"I like numbers. Pretty good at it too. All accountants aren't pussies you know. I had an Uncle George who was one, and he was six feet four with hands like hams. Made good money."

"I don't think I'd like accounting," Tom said.

"Don't suppose," said Ray.

Jack said, "I wasn't going to be anything. I just kind of took anything that came my way."

"So," Tom asked him, "What would you do now if you could do whatever you wanted?"

"Wow, that's weird to think about," he said. "Let's see. I'd be a fisherman. I love to be out on the water. No dust."

"How about you?" Tom asked Frank. "What would you do if you didn't have to do this anymore?"

"I want to do this. Seriously. I never wanted to sit at a desk, or have anything to do with a big company and bazillions of different bosses. I want to look at something at the end of the day that wasn't there when I started."

"That's cool," said Tom.

"So what's the deal?" said Ray. "Are you having a midlife crisis?"

"No. I'm getting married in a couple of months. She's got money. I could make a change if I wanted to."

"So what do you want to do?"

"That's what Elaine keeps asking me. I don't know."

"Be an investment counselor," said Jack. "I have a brother-in-law that does that and he makes big bucks."

"I don't need big bucks. I'm just wondering if there is something I'd really like doing," said Tom

"Then give me the bucks you don't need," said Jack. "I need them."

Frank said, "How about selling something? You're good at schmoozing people. And you can wear nice clothes."

"Naw," said Tom. "It's too high pressure. And I don't like telling people they have to buy something if they don't really need it, or can't really afford it."

Much to Tom's embarrassment the guys all laughed at that. "Since when have you gotten so virtuous?" said Ray.

Tom decided to spit something out, just to see how it sounded coming out of his mouth. "I'm kinda thinking that what I really want to be is a teacher. Maybe elementary school. Little kids are so trusting. Everyone in the grown-up world is out for number one."

"Are you going to wear a skirt?" asked Frank, and they all laughed.

"There are lots of male elementary teachers," protested Tom.

"That woman has turned you into a wimp already," said Ray. "You're out of your mind."

That night, Tom told Elaine that he knew what he wanted to do.

"Good," she said. They were sitting out on her patio, with tiki torches burning, and fourteen different kinds of white flowers that Tom could not identify, although Elaine was determined to teach him, all glowing in the sunset. She planned early in the spring for summer evenings such as this one. Tom didn't know how he'd gotten so lucky. Josh was out of his cast, but still using crutches. He and Max were playing chess on a rug by the stone steps from the patio into the yard.

"What do you want to do?" asked Elaine, when he didn't go on.

Tom took a sip of wine and said, "I want to teach elementary school."

"Really?" said Elaine. "Have I told you today that I love you? That's fabulous."

Josh and Max looked at each other, and looked at Tom and, for once, decided that silence was appropriate. Maybe they were just growing up.

Chapter 1.12

Tom started taking two night courses at Montgomery County Community College to confirm that his ancient allergy to homework was really gone. If the experiment was successful his plan was to quit his job in the spring and go back to school full-time. He could finish in three years, counting a few credits from his tour in the Army right after he finished high school.

Tom and Elaine's wedding was held in November. It was a small affair, with twenty people. They decided not to invite Juliet and Marvin because they were Bonnie's family, but Juliet was relentless, claiming an inherent right to see Josh perform as Tom's best man, until Elaine was forced to admit that it was an honest oversight, so Juliet would finally calm down. Tom fumed for a few days, but in the end decided not to let her ruin an agreeable time in his life, and let it go.

The wedding ceremony and the reception were both held in the banquet room at a restaurant in a building that dated back to the revolutionary war. Elaine waited in the rest room to make her appearance with Josie, her office manager at the nursery.

"You look absolutely spectacular," Josie said. "Did Tom see your dress? That's bad luck you know." Josie was fussing with the orchids in Elaine's hair.

"I know," said Elaine. "I feel weird about wedding traditions at my age. That's for the young girls. But I didn't let him see it, just to be on the safe side."

Elaine was wearing a pale blue cocktail dress that showed an ample amount of cleavage, a rarity for Elaine. The bodice was beadwork in shades of ivory, lavender and several different blues that were so pale they seemed like reflections in tropical waters, and the skirt was chiffon that billowed around her like a cloud whenever she moved. Elaine's application of beauty in her life was usually in the arenas of gardening and interior decorating, not on her person, but she had plenty of taste to bring to bear when the situation called for it.

"Wait until Tom sees what we did to the room," said Josie. "It'll knock his socks off."

There were five incredible arrangements as tall as Elaine, from friends in the industry, of exotic orchids worked into live topiaries in the shape of doves, so that the effect was of a row of birds in flight shedding flowers from their wings, leading to the arbor where the ceremony was to be held. The staff at the nursery had knocked themselves out to decorate the rest of the room as a joint present to her and Tom. They paid for all the materials they used and donated their time. The arbor was covered with climbing white roses and pale blue clematis plants that they had forced into bloom out of season in one of the greenhouses, and surrounded by pots of also forced pastel tulips and bleeding hearts and live giant ferns, so that the effect was of a fairytale cottage garden. On the tables and under the windows were arrangements of gardenias and roses in shades to match Elaine's dress that contributed their perfumes to the room. A pair of live plum trees in full bloom flanked the entrance.

"He'll like it," said Elaine. "It's not like he's that particular."

Josie said, "He's a good guy, Elaine. You're not having second thoughts are you?"

"No, it's not that. But there are some things that I am never going to have. Like him appreciating the floral work."

"Big deal, Elaine. I'm sure there are things he's never going to have either. Maybe fishing together like he did with his first wife, or something. He's a good guy. It's not like they exactly grow wild in every field," said Josie.

"Yes, you're right," said Elaine. "I don't know what's gotten into me."

"How are you getting along with his son?" asked Josie, putting the finishing touches on the flowers in Elaine's hair.

Elaine chuckled. "Great. He's a fun kid to hang out with. Wilder than Max, but who isn't?"

"Well there you go then. Money, Sex and Kids. The lethal three subjects that kill second marriages. You're golden."

Judy came into the restroom. "Wow," said Elaine. "You sure do clean up pretty."

Judy was to be Elaine's maid of honor. She was wearing an elegant pink shirtwaist dress with pearl buttons and her usual ponytail was wrapped up into a bun on top of her head, surrounded by pink rhinestones. She laughed and said, "Thank you. I'll try not to embarrass you by throwing a line over the rafters." Judy was a tree surgeon who spent many workdays suspended in a harness with a chain saw. "I have to admit, though," she said, "whoever decided to stick four penny nails under the ass-end of women's dress shoes was a pure sadistic bastard." But then she sashayed down the length of the restroom like the best of runway models to show off her dress, and that she could play dress-up when she wanted to. Elaine laughed out loud.

A thought crossed through Elaine's mind that this was a different flavor of women's liberation altogether than her mother's Cambridge coffee house version. But maybe we couldn't have gotten here without going there first. She pushed it away. She had had about enough of her mother's strident voice always hammering away somewhere in the back of her mind and endless internal arguments with someone who wasn't even there. She resolved that now that she was finally getting married, she was going to banish her mother's opinions altogether and start fresh.

Tom had to take Josh to pick up Winnie for the wedding. He was teaching Josh to drive, a terrifying experience, but the prospect of Josh getting around on his own was appealing nonetheless, especially since Winnie came on the scene.

He waited in the car while Josh went to the door to collect her. When she came out Tom was surprised again, as he was every time he saw her. Surely it was not possible for a girl her age to be so tall. She was nearly six-feet and probably not finished growing yet. And she didn't even play basketball.

"Hi, Winnie," he said, when she got into the back seat. "You look pretty." He couldn't see what she was wearing under her raincoat, but it seemed like the right thing to say. She did have makeup and big hoop earrings on.

"Hi, Tom," she said. "Aren't you excited? This is your wedding day."

"Yes, of course," he said. Actually he was anxious to get it over with. The day itself didn't matter. The marriage did.

"Are you going on a honeymoon?" she asked.

"Nope," he said. "Just taking a week off of work, but we're not going anywhere."

"Oh," she said.

"They're afraid to leave Max and me unsupervised," said Josh.

"That shows they have some sense," said Winnie. Tom suppressed a chuckle.

"What did you get them for a present?" she whispered to Josh, although Tom could easily hear her.

"I didn't get a present," whispered Josh back. "I'm just a kid."

"You're kidding," she said. "Really, what did you get them?"

Tom started humming loudly, mostly the tune to Brahms wedding march, but somewhere along the way it turned into "Oh come all ye faithful."

"I didn't," he said.

"Yes you did," she said.

"OK, I did," he said.

"I knew it," she said. "What is it?"

"A box of condoms with holes in them," he said. "I want more brothers and sisters."

"Na uh," she said. "Anyway, what for? You'll be gone before they are old enough to go to school. Do the math, genius."

"I can do the math," he said. "I could still be like an uncle. It would be fun."

"Come on," she said. "What did you really get them?"

"OK," he said. "I made them a lamp in shop at school. But I did get them a box of condoms with holes in them as a joke."

"That's cool. A handmade gift," she said. "Now I feel dumb. I got them candles."

"They'll love them," said Josh. "Maybe I'll get more brothers and sisters after all."

The ceremony was brief, sensually overwhelming with simultaneous beauty in words, colors, music, lights, fragrances and movement, and by far the most romantic thing that Winnie had ever witnessed. She cried but not over Tom, or Elaine, or even Josh. She cried not over the particular, but over the universal. Witnessing the joining together of a man and a woman was like watching life itself being created. Without that union, nothing else of any importance could follow, but with it all manner of happiness and creativity was possible. Winnie was very young.

Since it was such a small crowd, there was no reception line. Everyone immediately began to mingle. Winnie stayed close to Josh hoping he'd help her through all the introductions, but he had something else on his mind. It didn't take long for Josh to shake her off and grab center stage to offer the best man's toast.

He clinked the side of his glass to bring all eyes in his direction, and to make Tom and Elaine kiss, and when he was happily basking at the center of attention he began.

"Two score and three years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent my Dad, and then a bunch of other stuff happened, and now he's married to my new stepmother Elaine."

The laughter of the group was like a rich sweet desert to Josh's ego. He and drama club were beginning a lifelong journey. He continued, "Elaine was conceived in a test tube, and dedicated to the proposition that all women are created equal to men." He looked over and saw that Elaine was dabbing her laughing eyes with a tissue. He winked at her.

"We are now engaged in a new marriage, testing whether any marriage of such a man and any woman so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We have come to dedicate a portion of our afternoon to wishing the new couple well, that the marriage might live. This we may in all propriety do. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this marriage. The brave man and woman who dare to love again after all the events that have brought them to this place have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract. And from the bottoms of all our hearts, we wish you love, luck, prosperity, and happiness that shall not perish from this earth."

The room burst into laughter and applause. Max yelled out, "That's Shakespeare, right?"

"Absolutely," said Josh. "Hamlet's famous Gettysburg soliloquy." Josh took a deep bow with a theatrical sweep of his arm.

Satisfied with his moment in the limelight, Josh was attentive to Winnie for the rest of the afternoon. They realized that Max was feeling left out while they danced and kidded around with people, so Winnie danced every third dance with him.

Max, Josh and Winnie sat with Pete and Karen for the meal. Winnie was fascinated by Pete's police stories. Juliet approached the table during a tale of a robbery gone terribly wrong due to the robber's heart attack, cut Pete off in mid-sentence and announced with lots of drama, "Mitch is going to be released in a week. They wouldn't postpone the wedding so he could come. No one has any manners in this family."

Josh stared for a half a minute and then said, "No one was ever going to invite him anyway."

"Joshua. He's your uncle. He's family," Juliet protested, putting her hands on her hips and stretching her bejeweled jacket's arms to the breaking point. Everyone at the table heard a rip as the front of the shoulder seam gave way. Karen, already well lubricated, busted up laughing and everyone else stifled a grin as best they could. Juliet tried to act like nothing had happened until Josh said, "Grammy, I think we've got some duck tape in Dad's truck."

"Brat," Juliet said and then she stormed off.

"Is she always like that?" Winnie asked.

"No," said Josh. "Lots of times she's worse."

Josh and Winnie moved on, and soon found an excuse to go outside with Ray and Jack to keep them company while they smoked, which then gave them the opportunity to find a nice secluded grove where they could kiss for a while.

Elaine had a surprise for Tom, and she wanted to give it to him before the party wound down too much further. "Do you know what happened to Josh and Winnie?" she asked Max who was playing chess with Josie. Elaine realized that he must have smuggled the set in from the car. "Would you go find them for me?"

Max looked and said, "It was a beautiful wedding, Mom." Elaine hadn't seen him look so happy in a long time. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, "Thank you honey. You know, I never thought I'd ever be married. I still can't believe this is happening, sometimes."

He said, "Well, it took you long enough, but it was worth the wait. I was getting really tired of it just being the two of us."

Josh and Winnie appeared by the table and Elaine said, "Tom, come over here, will you?"

Tom came over and said, "What's up?"

Max already knew what the present was. He was involved in the planning. It had been a bit of a project to keep both Tom and Josh in the dark, but Max and Elaine had both learned that Josh was constitutionally incapable of keeping a secret.

"I have a wedding present for you," said Elaine, smiling mischievously at Tom.

"Uh oh," he said. "Were we supposed to get something for each other?"

"I just wanted to," she said. "It doesn't matter if you got anything for me or not."

"OK," he said. "I wasn't aware, you know. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," she said. She didn't expect him to get her anything. She really didn't expect much of anything from him at all, except that he didn't break her heart, which didn't look very likely to her, and that he relieve her loneliness, which he did quite well. And she found that her sense of human touch and her sexuality were more lively that they'd been in years so she really didn't know what else there was to expect, given that in her experience life never resembled a fairy tale.

She handed Tom a wrapped package about the size of a shirt box, adorned with fresh greenery and roses in a corsage holder. "Is it clothing?" he said. "Look inside," she told him.

He opened it and took out a fat office folder. "What is it?" he said. Jack and Ray and Frank appeared beside Elaine. Tom started flipping through the papers in the folder.

"It's from all of us too," said Ray. "It's a community present."

Jack said, "Did you get it yet?"

"No I don't get it," said Tom. He looked at everyone confused. "I can see what it is. It's plans for an addition to a house, with brochures for all the materials, but..."

"It's an addition for our house," said Elaine, smiling triumphantly. "It's two rooms. One is a study for you for going to college, and when you are a teacher. The other one is another bedroom so the boys can each have a big room. I already designed it all with the guys, who are volunteering their time for the dry walling. But we can change the design if you don't like anything."

"Wow," said Tom. "I really don't know what to say. Thank you everybody."

"Hey, I think I need a drink," he said. "I'll be right back." He turned and took two steps, and then did a Columbo impersonation, turned and scratched his head, and then slapped his forehead. "I almost forgot," he said. "I did get you one little thing. What did I do with that?"

He started searching all his pockets, and finally came upon an envelope in the breast pocket of his tuxedo. "Would you believe it?" he said. "There is something here for you."

He handed the envelope to Elaine.

"You sneaky dog," she said. It was his turn to grin playfully. She opened the envelope and found travel documents for a week at an all-inclusive resort in the Bahamas, commencing in three days.

She looked at him and said, "But I thought..."

"Josie and Judy," he said. "They're taking the boys camping for a week while we're gone."

Elaine looked at Josie, who said, "Elaine, they'll be fine. We'll take good care of them," and then at Judy who said, "Go girl. You'll never get another chance to have a honeymoon."

Tom looked at her anxious and worried, "Is it OK?" he asked.

And that was the moment when Elaine realized that she really was in love after all.

"Yes, dear. It's much more than OK," she said.

Chapter 1.13

By the time the boys graduated from high school, Tom was two years into full-time college himself at West Chester University. Wells had been reelected to the governorship and no reporter had yet discovered Max's existence. Wells was sending Max Christmas and Birthday cards, and calling every three or four months to be fatherly. He asked Max if they could have a meeting about every other time, and Max always said no. Max was afraid that somehow it would ruin the family dynamics that suited him just fine.

Max was heading to Princeton next year to begin premed with the intention of eventually becoming a psychiatrist. Wells would pay for as much education as Max wanted, wherever he wanted it, and Max saw no ethical problem with spending lots and lots of Wells money. It all seemed fair to him. He knew that someday they would meet and probably become friends. Max just wasn't ready yet.

Josh intended to go to Temple, mostly to play baseball. He still had no career plans other that a vague hope that he might become a professional ballplayer somehow, but on graduation day, Tom and Elaine found out that there was going to have to be a change in plans.

Juliet and Marvin sat with Tom and Elaine in the football field bleachers at the graduation ceremony. Juliet was forty pounds thinner that she was when they'd had the fight about Mitch. Mitch was released from prison at the beginning of the boys' senior year with new contacts in the world of stolen goods and by Valentine's Day he succeeded in getting himself killed in a fight over the proceeds from a stolen Winnebago. Strangely enough, after that Juliet settled down considerably and taught Winnie to knit, and took Josh fishing just like his mother used to do. At the age of eighteen, he had the patience to enjoy it. Marvin still spent every word as though it cost him a day of labor to produce it. Maybe it did, because he'd had two small strokes, and the next would probably be his last.

After the ceremony everyone, graduates, parents, and general well-wishers searched for each other in the field, and everywhere within a half-mile radius. Tom posted Elaine to stand guard over Juliet and Marvin by the football refreshment stand and ten minutes later came back with Josh in tow.

"Congratulations, Josh," said Elaine. "I am so proud of you." She gave him a big hug, and then so did Juliet. Marvin shook his hand and said, "Never take a wooden nickel."

"Five words," said Josh. "I really rate."

"Couldn't you find Max?" Elaine asked Tom.

"I looked everywhere," he said. "I'll have to go try again."

"Wait a minute, Dad," said Josh.

"How about Winnie?" Elaine said. "I guess she's with her parents. I'd like to see her," she added.

"She's telling her parents the same thing that I'm about to tell you," said Josh.

"What's that?" said Tom.

Josh looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. "What?" said Tom again. "I've got to go looking for Max."

"I saw him," said Josh. "He was over by the fence talking to some guy."

Elaine looked over where Josh pointed and was able to make out Max in the crowd. And then she saw that the guy he was talking to was David Wells.

She put her hand on Tom's arm and showed him where to look. "It looks like Dave wanted to see his son graduate," she whispered.

"Good," said Tom. "One more hurdle crossed. I hope they get along."

"So do I, actually," said Elaine. "It's time."

"Should we go over there and shake hands, do you think?"

"No. I think this meeting should be only for the two of them."

"OK, Josh what were you going to tell us?" Tom asked. Josh kicked the dirt at his feet, and cleared his throat several times.

Elaine got the sensation that something serious was on Josh's mind. "What is it honey?" she asked kindly.

Josh took a deep breath and looked up at both of them, and said, "OK. Here's the thing. Remember that box of condoms with the holes in them?"

Tom shook his head and then started to laugh. Elaine shook her head in unison. They were becoming as married people often do, moving in synch. Elaine said, "Does she want to marry you?"

"Yes," he said.

"Yippee," said Elaine. "I'm going to be a grandmother. I hope it's a girl."

"What about your schooling?" asked Juliet.

"I'm not going," said Josh. "I'm going to have to get a job."

"I've got you covered there," said Elaine. "Excellent."

"I wish your mother was here to see this," said Tom.

"Me too," said Josh. "No offense, Elaine."

"None taken," she said.

Josh and Winnie were married at the end of June. Winnie worked in the office of a medical practice until she prematurely went into labor in October. It was a beautiful breezy sunny day when Josh got the call at Webster's Gardens, where he was rapidly learning the business, and enjoying it. He never would have been happy indoors all day anyway. He answered his cell phone on the back of a flatbed delivering balled Kousa Dogwoods and Japanese Maples.

"Josh," said Winnie. "I'm at the doctor's office."

"Yes," he said. "Isn't that where you're supposed to be?"

"No. I mean yes. My water broke. The baby's coming."

Goosebumps went up Josh's spine and then all the way over his scalp. "Now? Where do I go?" He started talking faster and faster. "It's not supposed to happen for another month. Is the baby going to be all right?"

"Come here to take me over to the hospital," she said. "You don't have to hurry."

"On my way," he said. He jumped off the truck and yelled, "We're having a baby," to the summer kids that were making room for the new stock. He ran as fast as he'd ever run to find Elaine in the greenhouses.

When he found her he said, "Winnie's having the baby. I'm on my way to take her to the hospital. Tell Dad."

"Wait. I'm coming with you," Elaine said. "You're too excited to drive."

Winnie was calmly reading a magazine in the waiting room at her doctor's office. Elaine lingered by the door and watched Josh go to her. "Come on. Are you all right? Does it hurt much yet? Oh my God, I can't believe it's happening already. It's not good for the baby to be early, is it? Jesus," he said all in a rush before she could respond to any of it.

"Hi Honey," Winnie said, smiling. "We're going to have a baby."

A nurse came over and said, "Mr. Greenwood, Winifred needs to go to the hospital, but first babies usually don't come quickly. Take your time. Easy does it."

Josh helped Winnie get her swollen body out of the chair, and Elaine came over to help. "I can walk," she said. "I'm not disabled. Just pregnant."

"That's it," said the nurse. "Dr. March will be over in a while. You just get settled in."

When Winnie was settled into a birthing room at the hospital a nurse came in to check her. Elaine went out into the hall to give her some privacy. When she went back into the room Winnie let out a loud groan. Her contractions were getting stronger. Josh said, "The nurse said that she's already dilated six centimeters."

Winnie said, "I called my parents. They'll be here in two hours. They both take the train into Philly for work."

Elaine sat on the bed with her and said, "I called Tom too. He'll be here soon."

"Did you call Max at school?" said Josh.

"I left a message on his voice mail." Elaine said. "How are you doing sweetie?" she asked Winnie.

"Good," said Winnie. "It's not as bad as I was afraid of. At least not yet."

"You were in labor for a while before your water broke, weren't you?" asked Elaine.

"I don't know. My stomach got hard and soft and hard and soft, but it wasn't what I expected labor pains to be."

"You're one of the lucky ones," Elaine said. "I had a friend who went like that."

"Did you have a hard time with Max?" Winnie asked. A contraction began and Elaine waited for it to pass before she answered.

"He was a C-section," Elaine said. "He tried to get born feet first and it didn't work."

For an hour Elaine and Josh took turns letting Winnie squeeze their hands and rubbing her back when the contractions came. Josh paced the room a lot in between his turns. He stroked Winnie's hair away from her forehead, and kissed the top of her head during every contraction. "Make noise if it helps," he said. "Who cares if anyone hears you? You're entitled."

"I feel like I have to push," Winnie said.

"I don't think it's time to push yet, sweetie," said Elaine. Josh was already gone, looking for a nurse.

He was back with a nurse in a few minutes. Coming through the door, she was saying to him, "I'll see, but it's too soon."

The nurse checked Winnie, and said to Josh, "Uh oh. I see the top of a head showing. The baby has blond hair. Take a look." Then she was gone and within a minute a whole team of people in green scrubs came pouring into the room. The bed was converted into a delivery table in a flash and one of the women in green put her hand on Winnie's cheek and said, "I'm Doctor Gibson. Dr. March seems to be on his way, but I guess your little one is going to beat him."

Winnie made a noise that was indecipherable.

"Should I stay?" said Elaine.

"Are you grandma?" said Dr. Gibson.

"Yes," said Elaine.

"Then you can stay if you want to. Do you want to stay with your wife up there, or watch the excitement down here," she asked Josh.

He looked at Winnie to see if she had a preference but she was in her own world at that moment. She was starting to push.

An inch of the head emerged. "OK. Let's wait for the next contraction and push into the middle of it," said Dr. Gibson. "We're going to have a baby in a few minutes."

Winnie rested until the next contraction began and Dr. Gibson said, "OK, give me a good hard push."

She grabbed the rails on the bed and two nurses leaned on her legs, and she pushed. Josh put his arm around her shoulders, but Elaine could see that Winnie wasn't aware of him. Three-quarters of the head was out.

Elaine was thrilled. She'd had a baby once, but she had never seen one be born.

"Come here," the doctor said to Josh. He obeyed and she positioned him beside her.

"OK. Another good push," she told Winnie, who had only gotten about sixty seconds of rest.

And just like that the majority of the baby was born. Elaine could see the back of its head, and most of its back. Elaine watched, fascinated, as in one fluid continuous movement the doctor slid an arm under it as it emerged, pulled it the rest of the way out, and turned it over. "It's a boy," she said. "A little one." A nurse, or maybe a female pediatrician, Elaine couldn't tell, immediately took him.

Dr, Gibson guided Josh through cutting the cord in a rush. Elaine was so enthralled by what she was watching that it took her a minute to realize that there was a new noise in the room. The baby was crying. Another person had joined the universe, and he had a voice.

"Can I see him?" Winnie said, weakly.

"We need to take care of him some first, sweetie," said Dr. Gibson.

The lady with the baby took him to a station by the back wall and said over her shoulder, "three pounds, twelve ounces." A group of people did tests on him while Dr. Gibson relieved Winnie of the placenta. That part of the process was not romantic. When one of the green ladies brought the baby back, he was clean and dressed and wearing a blue stretchy hat. "He's fine," she said, "Just tiny. You can hold him for five minutes, but then we need to put him in an incubator." By then Winnie was tucked nicely into bed, with her legs back together. Elaine was amazed by the efficiency of the whole operation.

Winnie held the baby with Josh leaning over her and they both soaked in every curve and wrinkle of his face. Elaine watched them getting acquainted with their new son. The new parents had forgotten about her, which was fine. She felt that it was a great privilege to be a forgotten witness.

"Does he have a name?" Dr. Gibson asked.

"He's Jeremy Thomas Greenwood," said Winnie with an ocean of pride. "Jeremy for my father, and Thomas for my husband's father."

"That's lovely," said the doctor, and then she left.

Josh said, "I didn't know if I was going to feel like a father. I'm only nineteen. But I feel like a father already."

"What does a father feel like?" said Winnie.

"Like," he hesitated, "like a king."

They took the baby away. Josh stayed with Winnie while she slept for a while and Elaine went downstairs to wait for Tom by the entrance.

She saw him coming across the parking lot. "How's she holding up?" he asked when he got close. "You have a grandson old man," she said.

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Really? We have a grandson, lady. Wow."

Elaine kissed him and then hooked her arm through his. "Is the baby in any trouble?" he asked. "It came early."

"No, he's fine. Only three pounds, twelve ounces though. He'll have to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks. Winnie's fine too."

"Oh, good. That's a relief," he said. "Don't you dare say that you are disappointed because you wanted a girl. Don't you dare."

"I'm not," she said. "He's already him. How could he be anything else? Wait until you see him."

When Jeremy was released from the hospital, Josh wanted to take him to Bonnie's grave so that his Mom could symbolically meet her grandson. He was afraid that Winnie would think that was too weird, but she didn't. She understood.

Jeremy started to fuss as soon as they got there, so Winnie sat on a bench nursing the baby while Josh stood looking at the marker. Bonita Sheryl Greenwood, it said.

"I haven't been here for a long time," he said to Winnie. "I used to come but then I stopped."

"You're here now," she said.

"Hi Mom. You have a grandson," he said. "I miss you."

He was quiet for a long time. After a while Winnie said, "I wish your Mom had lived to see how well you turned out. She'd be very excited about the baby."

"I think she knows," he said.

"Maybe she's your guardian angel or something," she said.

"More like, maybe she can't do anything magic, but she's always watching." Josh turned to look at Winnie and smile. "Unless there's a good football game going on somewhere. Then she might not be paying attention."

Winnie laughed. She switched the baby to the other breast.

"I had a good mom," he said. "I'll always miss her, but I know she did the best she could for me while she was here, and that will always be with me."

"Mrs. Greenwood," Winnie said, "I'll take care of both these guys for you. Have some fun wherever you are. I've got it covered."

Josh and Winnie took Jeremy home. Between frequent nursing sessions and studying Jeremy's every move and gurgle lovingly as he slept, they spent their first night as a family talking about what might have been different if Josh's mother had lived.

###

Read the full book to find out what happens in Book 2 (Tom is killed instead of Bonnie) and in Book 3 (Josh is killed instead of either of his parents.)

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About the Author

Brenda J. Carlton lives in Collegeville, Pennsylvania with her husband Robert. She was born in Philadelphia in 1954, grew up between Coatesville, PA, and "Amish Country" and received a BS in Biology from Muhlenberg College in 1976. She has been at various times and in no particular order, a laboratory technician, a pharmaceutical development manager and consultant, a statistician, a small craft business owner, a mother of two and stepmother of four, grandmother of six, a waitress, a mental hospital aide, a National Merit Scholar, an amateur painter, a home remodeling do-it-yourselfer, an avid reader, an occasional philosopher, now a fledgling author, and always throughout it all, an passionate gardener. She is also the author of DRUG MONEY.

Acknowledgements

I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to my husband, Robert Carlton. Firstly, and very importantly, the original idea for this book –start with a freak accident involving three related people, have a different one die each time and compare the results—was his. As I worked on developing the premise from there, it became something very different from what he might have done, but he went with it and provided a wonderful sounding board for ideas. I know I stretched his patience to the limits when it took me six years to finish. I could not have done it without him. At many points, his faith in me was stronger than my faith in myself. I must also thank him profusely for picking up much of the slack around the house and in the gardens, especially in the last year of this journey we took together. Thank you, honey.

I must thank my daughter Megan, my mother-in-law Joan, and my friends Pat and Martha for all their help in providing feedback as test readers and for proofreading. I also thank my son David for his expert photography of my cover painting. I also could not have finished without lots of help in our extensive gardens, which my daughter-in-law Tina and my grandchildren Kalee, Sutton, Jasmine, George, Aubree and Gavin all provided, turning the kids into expert little gardeners in the process. And thanks to Frank Cacciutti for permission to use his restaurant and to the following people who answered various fact checking questions along the way: Jeff Brum, Robin Carlton, David Evans, Tina Evans, Pat Canfield, Brett Trego, and the White House Historical Society.

Thank you everyone.

Connect with me online at <http://www.brendajcarlton.com/>

