So, here is the catch question.
Who took the key at the reception desk?
Well, assuming that I don’t have the key, by using the elimination approach we can conclude that you were the one who got it.
I realise that I got it. But where?
According to my Theory of the Universal Singularity, it’s in your hip pocket.
Hey! Exactly as I said.
Excuse me.
Sometimes the “forgetfulness” syndrome denotes light sclerotic changes in the cerebral cortex.
While the “chattiness” syndrome indicates that someone has a prolonged sexual dysfunction.
This is enough. Why are you walking here like there’s no-one else? By the way, I am trying to do a serious thing here.
Here.
Changes in the qualitative or topological structure of a given family
Aha…
such as the integral curves of…
Excuse me, this one is “bifurcation”.
And this one is “introvert”.
Here you put “extrapolation” for “estimated function value”, here you put “Chihuahua”, and this one is “prestidigitator”.
These three are “clip”, “organ” and “Nebuchadnezzar”…
…sir.
Smart, huh?
Smart, huh?
Then why would you ruin a someone’s completely empty crossword?
Listen, keep going wherever you were going.
Without the Newton’s apple
The 3 laws wouldn't be invented
And Dionysus was proving that
the truth was in wine
Gagarin went into outer space
And Galilei was spinning the Earth
And Mendeleev was thinking up
chemistry while asleep
Popov invented radio and moved us to
a stage where everyone watches TV
and hears the Rock & Roll
The years are passing by
And our children know
the multiplication table
When they still wear diapers
The science world is ruled
by The Theorists
Perpetuum Mobile is what
they can calculate
From arithmetics to genetics
But blondes are outside their understanding
The Theorists
The Theorists
The Theorists
Oh shit :(
Haven’t I told you that I took the first place in a contest of boy prodigies born in 1985?
I guess that the boy prodigy was growing and developing, and at 12 he turned into a pumpkin.
Seva, too bad that you are going to be constructing the nuclear plant. You’d better go the military.
Your sharp tongue is perfect for closely cropping the recruits’ hair.
You know, I’d like to make it clear that it’s pointless to discuss this.
Firstly, I have a health certificate.
Secondly, I am a young scientist.
And thirdly I have enuresis.
What do you have?
I had.
A long time ago.
A really, really long time ago.
It’s a joke… a joke.
These things are pretty nice. I wouldn’t throw them out.
I guess they were evicting the previous roomers in a hurry.
This is my baby, Camilla.
She, unfortunately, left me. It’s all because of my callousness and lack of respect to her.
Here… my Camilla.
Oh, who are you with now?
Not bad.
Yeah.
She’s cute.
Very.
But if I was her, I would leave you too.
You know what, Alesj? You do not understand a thing about girls.
Camilla…
When it comes to girls, you need both carrot and stick.
You have something sweet in your hand, feed her, and in the other hand you hold a whip and snap her, snap her, snap her…
So when she left me I understood that all the female individuals are the same.
Oh, are they?
It turns out there’s no any difference between women and cavies?
Well…
Oh my… Well, you are from different species after all.
But both have a passion about sea.
And where is Boris?
Boris?
Boris…
What Boris?
Pasternak…
To where, like pears burnt black as charcoal,
A myriad rooks, plucked from the trees,
Fall down into the puddles, hurl
Dry breast deep into the eyes.
I mean, not dry. Full. Full full full breast. And not… deep. And not…
Somebody tell me, why do we have so many defective people in our dormitory?
You are one of these smarty-pants nerds, too, aren’t you?
Yes… Yes… No.
Oh, we… We came here for constructing a nuclear power plant. So…
The quantity of fools per person should be minimal here.
When I was a child, I had a friend… This boy was an idiot. And he was very different from me or Seva.
He was stronger.
About 100% stronger.
Aha… aha.
Well, ninety… nine.
I got it.
If you see Borya Šymanskiï, please tell him he is a complete idiot, just like all the others.
And tell him that from now on, I won’t suffer any of his attentions with these…
logarithms…
Linear.
What?
I said linear.
Whatever.
I have to note this in my diary. Linear logarithms are not an option.
Seva,
Huh?
Why didn’t you give her something sweet and whip her?
And your dream will come…
Huh? What the fudge?
Hey you nerds! This is our room and we clean it.
It’s strange that you never did that before.
Here, these two eggheads. They solved your crossword in 2 seconds. You see this?
Are you sure that was them?
Absolutely.
Kolya! Kolya, Kolya!
Who are you, huh?
Who do you know here?
Do you even know what is a relay system?
Colleagues, despite a menacing term, a relay system is one of the nonlinear discrete automatic control systems.
Learned it?
And by the way, if you are going to start an intellectual fight, then you should know…
My IQ is 170.
And it’s only an Eysenck’s test result.
Yes!
That’s a serious bid…
Calm down, bro! You are one of us.
Vsevolod Zaïtsev, a chemical biologist.
And this is Alesj Žuželj, a nuclear physicist.
The supervisor sent us here. Actually, it was very good here… before you came in.
Oh, no biggie. We’ll figure this out!
We can’t drive you out just before the New Year, after all.
But I still feel sorry for you, as you’re going to experience Sine’s snoring.
Snoring trigonometric functions? A new word in the mathematical analysis.
Very funny.
Kolya… Sine.
You can just call me Nikolaj Evgenjevič.
In the optimal control theory.
Ah, relax guys.
Got something to guzzle?
Well, not really
Oganes…
Žuželj.
Mamayan.
Yeah, I remember.
Oganes Mamayan. The most important man at this plant.
Alright, alright, I am responsible for the supply.
If you make friends with me, you’re gonna be home free. And vice versa!
Borya Mihalyč Šymanskiï.
And we are responsible for maintenance of the nuclear piles.
Wish you the best.
And as they say in my home town of Odessa…
Don’t stand at the threshold! Welcome to hell.
Guys, do you use the bathroom frequently?
The thing is I need some place for my lab.
Well, sometimes I…
…sleep there.
Too bad. That means I had to run my experiments in the toilet again.
Run them, run them, honey. But I beg you, at least sometimes please vacate the toilet so we can run our “tests” there, too.
Cyanide. Painless death in 15 seconds.
Don’t worry. He still has a lot of it.
Yes. Apparently there won’t be any more salad today, so colleagues…
Right now I am heading to the refreshment room where I will get us some food using my enchantment and money.
The keyword here is money.
Money!
See you.
Привет.
Привет.
Hello.
Bonjour!
你好！
Seva Zaïtsev.
A chemical biologist. Non-smoking.
Good for you.
Ah. Not married.
And all these perfect qualities mean nothing since you don’t own an apartment.
My name is Nataša.
Nataša, you, you, you… you are beautiful. You are…
You are as beautiful as… as… Maybe as…
Fibroblastoma perineurale.
Eh? Oh, I was told that before.
Ah. Have you been compared to the biopolar bonds?
It is the same.
You will now start to sing me about photon-like eyes, won’t you?
Aha.
All you scientists want is to make the poor girl completely dizzy, then took her to a jumping-off place.
And dump her.
That’s it. I have had enough of romance.
Now I am a cynical blonde.
Just like this TV reporter.
Huh.
Well, I had disappointments in my life, too.
Your cavy ran away from you?
Well, it wasn’t just her.
I am warning you, I do not consider young and promising candidates.
Really, why can’t some old academician notice a single blonde?
Hey man, why are you just sitting here, go ahead and buy something. Don’t you see I‘m talking to a girl here?
Go ahead.
5 buns.
Here you are.
It is strange. I gave you money for 5 buns, but I got 4.
I guess you hated your math teacher when you were in school.
Uh-huh. As well as the physical education instructor and the the physics teacher.
But won’t you treat a likeable lady with a bun?
Nataša! Stop looking at him! Look at me!
Give me 5! 6! No, 7. No, 8 buns!
2 are for me, and the other 8 are for you.
Thank you.
Sine, sine… I’ve told you so many times how you should behave.
Do you remember that last time you were snoring in the library?
Firstly, it was in the Philharmonic Hall rather than in a library.
And secondly, the dynamics of the process is as follows:
As the air pressure in the lungs rises, the gases start looking for a way out,  which is empirically proven.
Yup it is.
In your language, I am hiccuping.
Hey! I’ll hit you with something, so you will instantly restore your air pressure.
Well, colleagues, let’s not come to blows!
My point is you can easily humiliate a man using science.
This is physics!
And the air pressure is irrelevant here.
I am glad that at least one among you
troglodytes
is a sane man.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks!
You’re welcome!
And this man is me.
And right now my closed system has already reduced the air pressure to the quiescent state.
Whoa?
In your language, I am not hiccuping anymore.
Whoa? How come you just called the esophagus…
Seva, you are a biologist!
He called the esophagus a “closed system”!
In this case the system is closed.
Oh really? I will explain this, schlimazels! I’m gonna show you the formula.
Eh? I will now prove it to you, using…
Who taught you physics?
This is chemistry!
Colleagues! This is rubbish. Colleagues?
You have a mistake here.
What are you doing? This is simply nonsense!
That is a regular benzene lattice here. See this?
Ah, here.
No…
Hands off!
Here, see this?
That is relative… can’t be true.
I told you, liberate me!
Well, this is enough. I am counting to 3!
99!
98!
Have you got any salt, boys?
Oops. Has something exploded in here?
What happened to you, Kolečka?
A typical system’s reaction. No biggie.
What evil genius…
…has contrived to spill ketchup on my clothes?
If you’re talking about your trousers, that was a regular scientific experiment with the use of improvised means
Hey, are you talking to a girl without me?
Unbind me at once!
Kolya, what happened?
You see, the empirical system went out of…
In your language, we had a little argument.
It’s not only that you have ruined my trousers.
It’s also that you have ruined my entire soul.
You know, these trousers… they visited lectures at the MSU!
To judge from your knowledge, they visited the lectures without you.
Borya, it’s not a big deal. You see, the laundry detergents have been repeatedly reinvented by many people.
Because this is elementary.
But you got lucky! Today you are sitting next to the winner of a republic-wide academic competition in chemistry
and the author of a paper entitled “A street mud substitute”.
So that is…
…a laundry detergent?
Better!
This is trimethyl chloropicrine in a benzene ring laced with polymorphous polymers.
On the assumption of it’s name, my trousers are even more in trouble.
The time!
Nice buttons.
I… I got it.
Boris, I am sorry to bother you again, but I’m going to ask you for the third time.
Haven’t you got a couple of spare mattresses?
Our ancestors slept mamish well without mattresses.
People who want to sleep are even able to sleep behind the wheel.
Guys, I would move to give you some room, but if I won’t get enough sleep, I can fall asleep tomorrow when we will be running the reactor tests.
And it would be a catastrophe.
They could fire me.
And… you still haven’t heard me snoring. Anyway, you won’t be able to sleep as you are not used to it.
Seva?
Uhm?
If we don’t resolve this issue right now, we will always be the ones sleeping on the floor.
Attention please.
We suggest that we solve the issue in a scientific way.
So right now, stand up and…
And screw you.
Hey guys, let me get some sleep!
Well, since the issue seems unsolvable, no-one is going to sleep.
Hey, what are you doing?
Are you crazy? Kolya!
If I wake up now, you will have to watch your back.
For a full fledged rest, four hours of full fledged sleep are necessary for a human being.
I am not a human being. I am an Odessian.
If we were living in 10-dimensional spatial coordinates, one bed would be enough for our 10-dimensional spatial bodies.
Listen up, is anybody going to the bathroom?
Uh-huh.
Seva, don’t you see everybody’s busy?
Interesting, dirty roommates. A great company to share a bathroom with.
I suppose I have 15 minutes?
Nope.
Yes, of course.
Uh-huh.
I myself only wash up in the evening.
I don’t wash up in the morning. According to simple linear calculations this saves me from 15 to 20 minutes of good sleep.
Which is up to 72 hours a year!
Why you jumped up? Keep sleeping!
It has turned out we takeh can be…
…a functional derivative.
Lie on the couch, do nothing…
I have dreamt about this since school.
So I suggest we prepare fried eggs and herring for dinner tonight.
Both of the foods are rich in selenium which is good for cognitive ability.
And for those who are into extreme can then have goat’s milk.
I will!
Like my uncle Griša who have been working at a meat-processing plant used to say, “one head is good, but two already give you a kholodets”.
We will buy 2 beds and then have a real good time!
Dumbasses…
What are you doing here?
I have been looking for you for two days, holy cats!
I… I do not understand.
You do not have to understand anything, holy cats!
Are ya the one who got da keyz?
You must say “affirmative” when talking to the supervisor.
That’s affirmative.
Mr. Supervisor!
Mr. Supervisor…
So why on earth have you settled in the 6th room?
Don’t you see that completely different dumbasses are living here? Holy cats!
We went where you told us to go.
I haven’t yet told you where to go, dumbass.
Are you kidding me? You can’t tell the difference between 6 and 9, can you?
And are these retards entrusted to build a nuclear plant? Ha!
You… Do you understand…
In short… About face!
Now go to the Room No. 9. Forward, march!
I will breed human beings out of you! Like Mičurin did with tomatoes and potatoes.
Wait.
Wait!
I protest. What a team we built here! We have already allocated everything.
— Leave your jokes for the women on the wrong side of thirty.
— Leave your jokes for the women on the wrong side of thirty.
— Last name?
Borya Šymanskiï.
Mr. Supervisor.
Borya Šymanskiï, Mr. Supervisor.
That’s how we note it down.
The smartest among the dumb is… Šymanskiï.
Who taught you to jump the gun, son?
Stand up!
Holy cats…
I will teach you what is what, Ethiopians!
According to the order of the Dormitory Supervisor…
…in connection with the production necessity…
Room No. 6 occupants, Šymanskiï…
Borya.
Here!
Here…
…and Sine…
Kolya.
Here!
Here…
…are being resettled to Room No. 9.
Any questions?
Kolya, I meant well.
“Well” is an enemy to the usual, son.
Why isn’t anybody saying thank you?
Thank you…
Forward, eagles!
And don’t leave droppings in the aerie.
Holy cats.
