- Hey everyone, Chris
here from IELTS Advantage.
And in this lesson, what I'm gonna do
is talk about Task Two, Introductions.
Recently we worked with a student
who jumped from a Band
six to a Band eight,
and what she did was not really
add anything new to her introductions
but remove all of the bad things.
So we're gonna talk about seven things
that you never ever wanna
put in your introduction,
but before that, what
I'm gonna do is show you
how important introductions actually are,
by taking you up here.
So welcome to my hometown.
I'd like to introduce you to it.
So not a great introduction is it,
just some rocks and some bushes.
Not a great introduction.
But if we slowly pan around,
then we can see that this is
a very different introduction.
So two things that are
exactly the same, my hometown,
can have very different introductions,
and that creates a very
different impression.
And they say first impressions last.
So you could have an amazing thing,
your essay could be amazing,
but if you're including some of these
seven things in your introduction,
you are going to be lowering your score.
So what I'm gonna do now is
go home which is back there,
jump behind my computer,
and show you some introductions,
and show you these seven things,
so that you can remove them
from your introductions,
and get a higher score.
Okay, so let's start
off with the question.
It's really really important
that we fully understand the question
before we can write our introduction.
And this is one of the key mistakes
that we see students making all the time
and it's related to the things
you want to avoid in your introduction.
So let's have a look at it
and fully understand it.
"Many argue that schools
are no longer necessary
"because children can learn
so much from the internet
"and be educated at home.
"Do you agree or disagree?"
So pause the video if you like
and just have a read of that again
to make sure that you
fully understand this.
So what I'm gonna do now is I'm
gonna set you a little test.
What I'm gonna show you
is two introductions,
introduction A and introduction B.
Both of these introductions
were produced by the same student.
One of them, when they first
started working with us,
and on their previous
attempt, they got a Band six.
And one of them, after they
have finished working with us
and we removed all of
these common mistakes
and we showed them how to
write an effective introduction
and they actually moved from
a Band six to a Band eight.
So I'm not gonna tell you which one it is,
I want you in the comments to tell me
do you think the Band eight student is,
or the Band eight
introduction is A or B, okay?
So let's start off with A.
"Teaching children at home
"is a hotly debated topic nowadays.
"A plethora of people believe that
"children can study better online.
"This essay will discuss why it is better
"to teach adolescents in
educational institution
"before coming to a reasoned conclusion."
So I would like you to just read that,
have a think about it.
And do you think this is a Band six essay
or a Band eight essay?
So remember one of them, the
student was getting a Band six,
and the other, the student
was getting a Band eight.
So let's have a look at
the second introduction,
introduction B.
"Many people believe that homeschooling
"is preferable to traditional education
"because learning can be done online.
"I do not agree with this
"because students require
face-to-face guidance
"and many web-based
schools are not reliable."
So do you think A is better
or do you think B is better?
In the comments just
let me know, put A or B.
And maybe if you wanna say
why you think this is so.
So what I'm gonna do now is,
I'm going to take introduction A.
And I'm gonna break it down
into its constituent parts, all right.
So we're gonna look at each
part of this essay introduction
and tell you exactly what
the student is doing,
to give you an insight into
how the examiner is thinking
about this, all right.
So let's start.
So this bit here is what an
examiner would consider a hook.
A hook is something that
you'll often see in essays,
where the person writing the essay
is trying to make the reader interested
in what they are trying to say.
They're trying to hook the reader in,
and get them to read
the rest of the essay.
This is a terrible idea
for IELTS writing class two
for a couple of reasons.
Number one, the examiner is
being paid to check your essay.
You don't need to hook them in at all.
The money that they're getting
paid is hooking them in,
so you don't need to do that.
Number two, there are no extra marks
for it being interesting
or it being exciting,
or anything like that.
You're not being judged on how interesting
or exciting your essay is.
So if you are trying to do something
that doesn't get you any marks,
you've just wasted your time completely.
So you're doing something
that is not necessary,
and you are wasting your time completely.
So the first thing that we do
not want to see, is a hook.
They are a complete and
utter waste of time.
Okay, so the next thing you do not
want to put in your introduction,
is something like this, "hotly
debated topic nowadays."
Now you'll see this in the
vast majority of essays
and you'll often also see
teachers teaching this.
And this is a cliche.
So let's have a look at what a cliche is.
Cliche, "a phrase or
opinion that is overused,"
and most importantly, "betrays
a lack of original thought."
So it is an overused phrase.
And the reason why
people use these phrases
is they don't have original thoughts.
They don't want to think for themselves.
So an examiner is looking at this,
and number one, they're
looking at it and going,
ugh, another hotly debated topic.
All right, I've seen this
hundreds of times this week.
And the examiners are human beings.
And if they see the same thing
over and over and over again,
you're not putting them in
a great mood, to be honest.
And most importantly,
you're just basically
copying something that
you're seeing elsewhere.
There is no originality in here.
And you want to, at
all times, avoid things
that the examiners looking
at that and thinking,
this person has just memorized something.
Because the IELTS test is
not a memorization test.
It is not, I repeat, a memorization test.
It is a test where they're
testing your ability
to clearly communicate in English.
When have you ever heard someone,
a native English speaker say,
"Oh this is a hotly debated topic."
Never in your entire life have you heard
someone say that naturally.
So it is completely unnatural
to put this into your essay.
Shows that you're not really thinking,
and shows that you believe that the test
is just a memorization test.
So, don't include cliches.
Okay, the third thing,
"A plethora of people,"
and "educational institution"
spelt incorrectly.
And the spelling is not
the actual problem here.
This problem here is memorizing
impressive vocabulary,
or high level vocabulary,
or Band nine vocabulary.
The examiner see this over and
over and over and over again,
especially words like plethora.
Why does plethora come up?
Because someone on YouTube made a video
called "Use these five words
and you will get a high score."
So what happens is millions of
people have seen that video,
they'll include it,
and some of those words
in their introduction.
I've even seen introductions
with all five words put in there.
And what again that
indicates to the examiner is,
that you believe this
is a memorization test.
And also, that you are not focusing
on actually answering the question,
and you are also not focusing on using
the English language
effectively to convey meaning.
Why do people write
anything in any language?
It is to clearly convey meaning,
to tell people what you think.
But instead of doing that,
you are just trying to shove in big words.
People would never use
a plethora of people.
That is just an
inappropriate way to use it.
So, often when people
memorize these big words,
they will use them
inappropriately and incorrectly.
The collocations would be wrong,
it's not suitable to
use that in a sentence,
the grammar could be wrong.
Or like here, the spelling is wrong.
You do not get any extra marks for using
big words incorrectly or inappropriately.
Educational institution,
it would be better just to put school.
All right, so you might be
repeating the word, school,
but which is better?
To repeat a simple word that actually
is effective and accurate and appropriate,
or try and put in a big
word that is actually
inaccurate because you spelt it wrong,
or the collocation is wrong,
or the grammar is wrong?
Or here, you would just
never use that word.
Why not just say, many people?
Or, a lot of people?
Again, much simpler but actually correct.
So the fourth thing that
you do not want to include
is a background statement.
So I've highlighted both of these.
"Teaching children at home
"is a hotly debated topic nowadays,"
and "A plethora of people believe that
"children can study better online."
This person has watched a
few too many YouTube channels
and some of them say you
need to include a hook,
some of them say that you need to include
a background statement,
and some of them say, just
paraphrase the question.
And what this causes is huge confusion
in the student's mind.
So they're like, well, this
YouTube channel says hook,
this says background statement,
and they get totally
confused about the difference
between a hook, a background statement,
and simply paraphrasing the question.
And so teachers also
get confused about that,
not all, most teachers are great,
but there are some teachers,
especially online and on YouTube
that get confused because how
they produced their lessons
is they actually go and look
at other YouTube channels.
And if you are looking
at other YouTube channels
that don't know what they're doing,
you're not going to know
what you're doing either.
So this is going to cause
a huge amount of confusion.
And this is what has
happened to this student.
So forget about hooks,
forget about background statements,
and just simply paraphrase
the question instead.
Your first sentence, just look
at the question statement,
paraphrase that, state
it in your own words,
and that's you done,
for your first sentence.
You're not going to be
confused, and most importantly,
the examiner is not going to be confused,
because they're like,
whoa is this a paraphrase?
What are they doing here?
I don't really understand.
The examiner has a headache already
before they've even got to
the end of the introduction.
So forget about background statements.
Okay, so the next thing we're
gonna talk about is this,
"This essay will discuss
"why it is better to teach adolescents
"in educational institution
"before coming to a reasoned conclusion."
So this is a very poor thesis statement,
for two different reasons,
and there's two different things
that you do not want to
include in your introduction.
And the key here is adolescents.
So, did the question
talk about adolescents?
So adolescents are a
specific subset of children.
Adolescents are teenagers.
They're people who are in high school.
The question was not about high school,
it was not about teenagers,
it was not about adolescents.
It was actually about children in general
and school in general.
So by misunderstanding the question,
and putting things in there
that are not actually accurate,
and not related to the question,
you're indicating to the examiner
that you haven't understood the question.
And also, what the student was doing
was trying to again add in big words.
So they didn't think that
children or school children
or boys and girls or whatever,
was fancy enough or impressive enough,
because their former teacher had told them
that you need to use big
impressive Band nine words.
So they've tried to put that in there,
and this is not accurate,
it's not what the question is about.
So not only have you messed
up your introduction,
you've messed up your whole essay
because your focus is now
going to be on adolescents.
So be very very careful about
understanding the question,
and just putting things
in the introduction
that relate to you answering the question,
because at the end of the day,
the most important thing is that
you actually answer the question.
The second reason why this
thesis statement is not appropriate
is because it has a lot of
memorized language in it.
You will see a huge number
of introductions that say,
"This essay will," and then
they talk about the topic,
"before coming to a reasoned conclusion."
So it is very very obviously
memorized by this student.
And again, this comes from the internet,
especially YouTube,
where you will get certain videos
that have millions and
millions of views on them.
Obviously students are watching them,
they trust the person talking to them,
they think that they're an expert,
so they copy what they say.
And then after a few months,
examiners start to see the same thing,
over and over and over
and over and over again.
And that is not a good
thing for your Band level.
Your Band score is going to suffer,
because again, you are
basically telling the examiner,
I do not know how to think for myself,
and I do not know how to write in English
without memorizing things.
It is not a memorization test,
it is an English writing test.
You will not be able to
go into the real world
and use these fixed phrases.
They're testing your ability
to communicate effectively
in the real world,
not memorize stuff that is totally
useless in the real world.
And the last thing that you want to avoid,
the thing that you never want to do,
is to use a memorized formula,
to treat writing in the same way
that someone would treat
a mathematical equation.
It is very very tempting
and it is very attractive,
to think that all you have to do
is just memorize the
formula and then use it.
I know that you're very stressed out,
and I know that you want
to get a high score.
But this is the last
thing that you want to do,
to memorize a formula and then place it
on any different type of question.
That's bad for a few reasons.
So this is what a lot of these
memorized formulas look like.
X, so take the topic, "it's a
hotly debated topic nowadays."
Wow, you're really impressing
people with those cliches.
Insert general background statement.
So take the background of the
topic and then put that in,
even though you've already
really talked about it
in the hook there.
"This essay will discuss Y and Z,"
well the examiner really isn't interested
in you telling them what the
essay is going to discuss.
You better discuss that.
That is what they've just asked you to do.
So it's like walking
into a store and saying,
I'm going to open the door now,
I am going to walk to the counter.
Like, you're supposed to.
Why are you telling people about that?
And then "before coming
to a reasoned conclusion,"
just another memorized fixed phrase.
Other major problem with this,
is that people tell you that
you can take this formula,
take this format, and apply
it to any question type.
Doesn't matter if it is
advantages and disadvantages,
problem, solution, a double question,
a discussion question,
an opinion question,
you can just memorize this and do that.
You can't.
Each of those questions is asking you
to do a very different thing.
Therefore, you need to
have a different approach
for each different introduction
and each different question.
I know that's going to require
a little bit of extra work.
But if you wanna go to our
website, IELTSadvantage.com,
we cover a lot of that on there for free,
so go and check that out if,
at the end of this video
of course, if you want to.
So let's look at the seven things
not to put in your introduction.
Do not put a hook.
Do not put cliches.
Do not put put memorized
high level vocabulary.
Don't put a background statement,
especially if you don't
understand the difference
between a hook, a background
statement, and paraphrasing.
"This essay will discuss"
and then put something in there
that is not related to the question,
or "This essay will discuss"
plus all those memorized phrases.
And finally, don't make every
introduction exactly the same
or apply the same format
and the same strategy
to every single introduction.
All right, the good news is,
once we took all of those things out
from our students' introduction,
they were able to massively
improve their essay.
And I say essay, not introduction.
Because let's look at
what a good introduction
can do for your entire essay.
So let's break it down again.
So, "Many people believe
that homeschooling
"is preferable to traditional education
"because learning can be done online."
So what they've done is
they've just taken the question
and they have paraphrased it.
So they've taken the words,
and they have stated it in their own words
so that it means the same,
but with different words.
So this introduces the topic,
it tells the examiner, this
person understands the question,
and they know how to paraphrase.
So their vocabulary is good,
their grammar is good.
So you are making the
examiner very very happy,
because they know you
know what you're doing.
And just from the very first sentence,
they know that this essay
is going to be easy to read.
Now let's have a look at the rest of it.
"I do not agree with this."
So the reason why this is a good way
to start your second sentence is,
it clearly demonstrates
that you have a position,
that you have an opinion on this question.
In other words,
you have just answered
the question, alright?
So it's gonna be different
from a question type to question type,
but this question type basically said,
"Do you agree or disagree?"
"I do not agree," okay?
So they're saying, "I disagree."
So they could say I
disagree or do not agree,
but they've clearly stated
what they think immediately.
So again, the examiner
has already understood
what you think about the question.
Let's continue.
"Because," okay, here's the reasons,
"students require face-to-face guidance,"
clear, main idea,
"and many web-based
schools are not reliable."
Clear, second idea.
So instead of "This essay
will discuss why homeschooling
"is preferable to non-schools,"
and plus reasons and that,
you're just wasting your time.
State your position and
your two main ideas.
Now how is this going to help the student
write the rest of their essay?
Because, what is going to be
their first main body paragraph?
They're going to talk
about "students require
"face-to-face guidance."
They're gonna explain why that is,
they're gonna put examples in there.
And then, their second
main body paragraph,
"many web-based schools are not reliable."
They're gonna put that in their
second main body paragraph.
They're gonna explain that is,
they're gonna use examples.
And the examiner will know
exactly what is going on.
What this also does is,
it provides like a mini plan
for the rest of the essay.
And the examiner will also be looking
at your main body paragraphs,
they'll be looking at your conclusion,
and seeing if all this matches up.
Is it cohesive, is it coherent?
So this introduction
does many many things,
but the two things that it
does really really well,
is it makes it easy for the student,
and most importantly, it
makes it easy for the examiner
to understand that they are
actually a Band eight student,
and they are going to get a good score
because they are helping
the reader with their job.
If you do that, you're
going to do very very well.
If you just memorize a bunch of stuff,
copy other people, use formulas,
you are going to fail over
and over and over again,
no matter who tells you that
they have some secret
method or magic formula.
They don't exist.
Hopefully this was helpful, guys.
And if you need any more help,
go to IELTSadvantage.com,
we've got a bunch of free courses,
free videos, free articles
on basically anything
that you will ever need.
Head over there and feel
free to get in touch with us
if you need any help.
Thanks very much, guys.
And I look forward to reading
your comments as well.
And give it a Like if you liked it.
If you didn't like it,
feel free not to do that.
Thanks very much,
and see you in another video.
Bye bye.
(lively music)
