Zappa for anarchists young and old
A dramatic children's concert with music by Frank Zappa, Edgard Varèse, Eric Dolphy, Anton von Webern and the Turtles.
For children 7 years of age and older.
Shazappa!
What is that noise?
Monstrous and vile...
just right for moise!
Oy...
I mean ME.
And for you?
The creaking...
the creaking...
the creaking...
the squeaking...
the buzzing...
the beeping...
Can you hear it?
The howls of the owls...
the squawk of the hawk...
the whistle of gristle...
the rattle of the cattle...
the grating of the plating...
the blat of the cat...
The dromedary has a hump - that won't make anyone jump
But I'll tell you something no one knows, if you lean in good and close...
The dromedary farts fog
So loud that the planets get jogged
The moon flies out of its orbit
And lets one of its own for fright!
The stink is so bad it reaches the planets
And someone says, find the moon and stop it!
Let the Earth know, someone needs to get up there
lasso the moon and clear the air
sing it a little lullaby
and bring it back, by and by.
But:
Neptune doesn't wanna
Saturn isn't gonna
the Sun wants to work on its tan
and Pluto is in plutonic love!
So Mars sends out its UFOs
into the darkness of the cosmos.
Unidentified flying object has landed on Earth!
47 Kilo Charlie, 38'22" North, 22" East.
July 30, 2019:
The following needs to be done, and only I can do it.
Stones to grease, pigs to release
strings to cut through, doors to costume
handstands to try, run and then fly
posters to paint, file a complaint
Bikes to bend so that they wobble,
turkeys to scare so that they gobble.
Water the flowers so that they grow,
paint the nail of my little toe.
Hide the keys so no one can find them,
promote my band so someone will sign them.
And with a lasso, or a curtain rod,
catch the moon.
Stop!
Enough.
If your parents are as sour as pickles
and give you nothing but angry prickles,
then stick them in a jar and close it tight,
and your life will be full of delight.
The examination has let us know
that even a cabbagehead can grow
It just needs a nose to pick,
wax for the ears,
eyes that cross,
and a mouth to recite the stupid rhymes in its head
whether standing up or lying in bed.
OPERATION CABBAGEHEAD
Voltage adapter, 250 volts/13 amps
Brass threading for light bulbs
Insulating tape
- but red!
Potatoes, waxy
and firm-cooking!
And finally, I need
flax.
The cabbage is growing too high for me
my pot is boiling over, you see
I still need to peel my shoes,
sing the blues,
count ones and twos,
and cook the stews!
Voilà!
Look what I've done this time!
As entrée, we have trash collection parfait
Next: lightly-grilled shoe from the barbecue
And for dessert: skinny-dipped banana. Bon appetit!
Welcome to another edition of 
"Grating Performances".
Tonight, we are happy to present a very special program:
"Bebop Tango", a CONTEMPTorary dance theater.
It's my pleasure to introduce to you the performers in this evening's premiere:
Suzie Creamcheese
Rance Muhammitz
Uncle Meat
Disco Boy
Thing . . . Fish
And Larry the Dwarf.
(Whispered chatter)
And now, the dancers you have just seen are joining me in the studio.
I'd like to start with you, Suzie Creamcheese:
First of all, conGRASSulations!
The way you BRAN over the dance FLORA - that was aHAYzing!
a-HAY-zing.
And your movements, the different STEPPES – I was completely FARMED.
And now to you, Mr. Rance Muhammitz.
You seemed very relaxed on stage.
Do you ever get nervous before a performance?
What do you do for anxiety?
Do you take baldrian drops?
Or maybe raindrops? Or...
...drops of sweat! They help me a lot; I prefer drops of COLD sweat. An old home remedy.
And now to you.
Mr. Disco Boy, funky moves!
Your dance steps are phenomenal.
How do you remember the steps?
Do you use mnemonic devices?
Or electronic devices? Mobile devices?
Or shall we just leave you to your own devices?
In order for me to remember anything, I need NUCLEAR devices.
And finally, to you...
Mr. Fish...um...whatever...
You took the stage like a KING SALMON.
Holy MACKEREL, what a show!
You've been rehearsing for a long time – ten years, I heard –
and now the premiere is finished.
And now, what I'd really like to know is:
How do you feel?
Are you well?
Because I feel...I feel outSTANDING!
Maybe even outSITTING...
or even outFLYING!
The moon escaped, but it left a track
I'm on my way to get it back!
Translation & subtitles: Philip Yaeger
