(wapoosh) TOP O' THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES!!
My name is jacksepticeye and welcome
Finally, to Far Cry 5 I've been waiting ages for it to come out
I'm waiting for ages for it to play, but of course when it came out I decided, "Oh, hey,
Let's go on a tour. Let's go all the way across America and let's not play the actual game!" But it's out.
It's finally out and I get to play it myself. It's so goddamn pretty. It's so beautiful
I went through some of the intro myself just to get that out of the way, so now
we can mess around and play for ourselves!
This is kind of boring here though, so let's (ooh)
Let's kick things up a notch!
BEEP BEEEEEP
IT'S ME, IT'S JACK, I'M BACK IN FAR CRY, FINALLY. HELLO-
Oh, somebody's shootin me
What do you guys want? I have throwing knives
Did I get you? Are you dead now? HWUH
Nice, dude, you don't even have a driver anymore. You're just gonna si- *chuckles*
You're just gonna sit there... *laughing*
Gonna sit there and wait? what happens when the car stops, do you get off?
Okay, there you go. Okay.
*COUGH*
*OH THE GASES*
Wait don't smoke at me! I- We get it, you vape, cloud proud
Jesus, get-
*NPC shouts*
Sit down, shut up.
Hello?
*Jack honks the horn*
Does ANYONE know the way to the nearest Starbucks???
I need my dirty beans
It's been about 12 hours since my last coffee (intense zoom)
"An I'm getting the shakes!
Flawless. Alright, it's time to liberate this cult outpost.
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it for the green bush!
Okay, there's guys everywhere, I gotta be careful. There's one.
Ooo, there's a helicopter right there!
Dad would like to take his kids out for a ride on the helicopter. Do you want to come?
Yes, everybody pile my helicopter, but first, shush. We got to be careful about this.
We gotta be quick. We got to be stealthy
*whispering* watch dis
Embrace the power of my ASS
Like a panther...
Aww man, where'd my baseball bat go? Oh god your face, poor face (ROASTED)
Disable that alarm...  I don't want to wake up in the morning, hit that snooze button on that bad boy
*beep beep*
Ahh... Now I can sleep. No school tomorrow!
*gasp*
I am the Batman!
I always knew. I always knew I was. How do I...
How do I- how do I climb?
Everybody around here sings. It's quite lovely.
Ha ha, watch this. KYOP! Got him!
Is he dead? Haha (breathes in)
Like a ninja
All right, this guy thinks he's playing baseball, sliding into third, sliding into second- oh, he's over the home run!
*explosion* Fuck!
I need to somehow sneak around...
My Lord you guys are blind
That works for me though, ha ha ha! Hulk smash!
BAH! BAH! BAHAHA!
Oh, jesus christ
This is fun! I'm having a good time!
Aww, this guy's singing his favorite Linkin Park song:
*singing* I'm bleeding out, take it deeper just to throw you away
Don't help him
I liberated the Green Bush! Everybody, chree- three cheers! Hip hip!
I have no friends (HOW ABOUT ME JACK?)
Hey there's bad guys! Bad guys over there!
Why is nobody shooting the bad guys?
Can you shut up?
Kill-
What? (confused Jack)
(background) (FEELIN' REAL BRAVE THERE AREN'T YA?)
(Ah) You're the one that just walked into our camp
So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about myself
How are you feeling? Oh wait? You can't tell me cuz you're dead!
Okay, apparently I have to go kill a drugged up moose.
Hmmm truck?
Helicopter?
Truck?
HELICOPTER!!! WOOHOO!
(cute giggle while talking) Let's do it! This is fun!
*singing Ride of the Valkryies*
You see this Anakin?
THIS is the high ground
Everything that the land touches is yours.(you wanna rephrase that Jack?)
All right, you guys ready for some sick manoeuvers? Hah, see you later
WOOHOOHOO! YEHEHEHESSS!
Oh, nice my boy, very nice! Bye helicopter.
*gasps* Is that the drugged up moose?!
Ah jeez!
(confused Jack)
What the fuck?
*Rubs eyes*
What's happening?
Oh God I hate this!
I hate this! You said it was a drugged up moose! You didn't say I was drugged up!!
I don't know what's happening
There's mice everywhere, which one's the real one
It's him. He's the real one
Go away!
Oh, you're not dying either, are you the real one?
You have a fucking health bar like a boss!
No, not 'LIKE A BOSS'. I mean like a boss fight.
WHAT! The mouse turned into a bear?!
Get off me bear!!
Jesus!
ooooOOOOOOOOHH!
Taste 21st century! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, now the moose is one fire! That's-that's- fire- devil-th-uh- drug moose!!
Oh god!
Is he dead? Did I do it? Oh, thank Jesus
Don't do drugs, stay in school everybody. Excuse me?
Sir
Well those are two of the most perfect shots I've ever taken in my entire life, I just needed a lift!
Shit. You don't mind if I borrow this do you?
Well I guess not he's dead, so what's he care? Hey?
Hey, you guys wanna race?
Race?
Hello! HI!
Banditos, awww did you guys see me?
Can't him yet? Oh, but that feels a lot like you see me. Oh hi!
Whoa God big boomy baby boy
He exploded! Okay, dude, are you okay, are you safe?
Not the cows! (BESSIE!!!)
That's okay, man, I'm gonna save those Bessie's after the explosion killed his entire family
The only piece that was left of Jim was his right ankle penis. Don't worry, Jack, your savior, is here!
Haha, Oh, my
Showed his ass. You okay? Whoa, whoa! Big dog! Big dog! Biiiig doggo!
But I saved you! No, come back!Wow you do not need help.
Woah, buddy, rough night huh? Oh I've been here. Have you ever been so drunk that you pass out on top of a barbed wire fence?
Me too man, me too-
Dude it's okay, okay, just stay there, I'm gonna go get help from some-
You saw nothing.
Hey, bale
And another hay bale!
Wait you see me. Oh shit. Oh, no, why did military Jesus have to come out
Here we go, here we go, here we go.
Okay that helmet, I know it probably has a tactical combat advantage, but- you're blind!
'Scuse me, can I come in?
I probably should have knocked first shouldn't I
knock knock! hey, hey
Go! You're free now! Go, run like a lamb, run through the wilderness
You're a free bird
Uh oh, uh oh!
Over that way! This guy's gonna turn around and you gonna shoot me all!
Uh oh, uh oh
I'm st- No, I'm still invisible! See?
I wonder where he went?
No, are you killing Mildred?
Stop that
Mildred is my friend!
I saved her.
Okay. What kind of- I want this one.
DOG! Pet the dog!
Oh my god, this is the greatest video game of all time
I can shoot dudes in the face, and I could ride helicopters, but I can pet dogs!
Oh, please tell me I can drive this tractor. Can I drive a tractor? Oh yes. This is the coolest game ever made!
Oh, it's like being back home and Ireland
I'm going out, going to till the crops. Going to go out and lay down all the 'taters. Get out of the way Bessie!
Get out of the way! I've some bad guys to tend to! Did I kill him? I think the cow killed him.
What?
Okay, this is a whole van full of dead people
Whoops
What're you doing?
Does that hill in the distance just say yes?
under an American Eagle
Yes.
All right Massi. You're fun, and I love you, but you're a little slow, I need something a bit more my speed
Whooo! Off roading bitches!
This is what it's all about, this is the good one. I like this one. This is my speed
And it's got a great horn. Just like me! Meep meeeep! Okay hold on hold on wait
Fireworks! Fourth of July! Freedom!! 'Merica! Oh sweet jesus
That's a lot of bad guys! Ow, and they're shooting me full of holes
It would be fine if it wasn't for my bones and organs
Do I have more bombs?
Yep
I have plenty more bombs
Fuck
*Screams of a dying cat* I got shot in the chest! I died!
This is gonna work. I believe in this. Go bomb of destiny!
Now that fucker works a treat *casual laugh of a killer*
WHOoooO!
Yeah boy, okay, okay, don't fucking die again
Dang it! You don't want to do this friend
You don't want to do this
All right if you-if you want-if you want
Stop-stop living! There's another convoy to destroy and you know your boy Jack is on the case
Okay, okay. Just roll it through the mountains you-you good you okay?
Sorry, I need to keep my eyes to the road
All right, they are. Oh! JeSUs ChRiSt!!
*Vomits up the dead cat from earlier*
*Pants like a dog*
Come back
*Vomits up a hair ball*
They're too fast I need something else
Oooo
Idea!
*Thinking* Have you ever thrown a bomb so hard, you've killed 14 guys at once?
Surprise bitches!
WhOoooO!
Come on! Come on down!
Proximity bombs, come closer
*Enjoying killing people far too much*
That's what I like to see! Okay, okay, tricky situation, tricky situation. I'm in a bad place!
I'm in a bad place in my life!! *Contemplates killing more people*
Oh! You have come to the wrong part of town today boys!
For I am all out of fucks to give! Hear that boys?
Hear that? That's the sound of the pain train. The pain train is coming! *"Imitates" the sound of a truck and train horn's child*
Excuse me. Hello, would you like to die too late? You don't get a choice in this matter
You good, sir, would you like to die?
Again, you don't-oh
Can I have that?
Guys
I want the helicopter
It would really make my life easier. Okay. Well now I've just angered you
Oh God, Oh God, get off, get off, get off, get off. Put out fire, put out fire. Why am I on fire?
I want to bring the fire! Okay, here we go. WHOoOoo YeAh! *CrAzY wAdE HEErE!*
*Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!*
Now I am the god of this world
Okay for some reason-fuck! Flamethrower?
OOOOOOOO! *Anti?*
Stop in the name of fire
OOOOHOHOHOHO *Dark?*
That is awesome, holy shit!
It looks like water fire
That's incredible. I also still like that the game has fire propagation. So when you light stuff on fire it actually spreads
That's something from far cry two, and it was something that was sorely lacking and some of the other ones so
That's awesome, I love that. I've been trying to kill these guys for a while now, and by Jesus, if I'm not gonna shove their dicks back up inside their own asses...
This is the one-this is the time I do it, this is the one. I'm feeling good about this one. Through the trees.
It's hard to hit a moving target. Huh, can you even see me? Yeah, camouflaged. Use the gun, use the gun.
Yes!
Finish the job, finish the mission!
Oh! Glorious, ooh
Twisty nippy news. Oh God, the demon cows are back
The cows are the greatest enemy watch out for them.
Uh, dude
Hello
I'm not in there anymore, dude I'm right here
*homicidal laughter*
He had no idea where I was then I just punched him in the neck
This game is awesome.
Okay, but wait,  I don't want to use my fists. I want to use my baseball bat.
This is more fun.
Batter up!
Okay. I don't like this song, change it.
That works
Aah, John, see, he's got the power of PMA cuz he's got the power of
"Yes"
Either that's a giant mummified head with its mouth open going
or
That's a bee's nest
*Jack being Jack*
*Bees Attack* AAAAAHHHHHH!!!?!! Swat The Bees!
NOT THE BEES!!
God! Sweet Jesus!?! OW! OW! OW! Stingy Sting! Ow! WOW! OW! O-*you get the idea...*
I DONT LIKE IT! I DONT LIKE IT!! *truckload of Ows*
Ah, shit, ow, my fuckin' legs
Uuugh!
This is not a good day for me.
Almost out. Almost got it. Just avoid the bee buttholes.
Ah, thank God.
*grunt of effort*
Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez.
Oooooh, don't touch it, don't touch it.
Don't let them pick your pocket.
Is this it? Is this the top--- Oh, thank Jesus.
Ah, so much money!
Whoa! I'm rich!
Ooooh, ho ho ho ho ho ho.
I didn't know you could drive Optimus Prime in this game.
Oh yeeeah.
Oh yeah!
This is good.
It's got guns on it!
It is Optimus Prime! Holy crap!
Switch weapons.
Aaah.
Okay.
Oh ho ho ho ho.
Ooh ho ho ho ho. Ooh, I'll ram 'em.
Wah hoo hoo!
Ain't nothing standin' in my way!
Now THIS is pod racing!
This is fun. I mean it's completely stupid
and ridiculous, but I love it, that's what it's all about
All about fun, man.
Hello excuse me coming through
Giant mega truck full of bullets and awesome. Thank you
*Polite, serial killer Jack* Bye, just remember the power of yes
Beep beep, coming through. I can't see behind me.
Oh God, off-road!
Ooh, this is bad.
Beep, excuse me.
Heh heh heh.
Okay back to the road again.
*suspicious growlling*
I think I hit a bear.
Huh.
Beep beeeeeep!
Whoa! Oh god, I hit--- oh god oh no, oh no, I hit the button to get out.
No, come back!
Okay, I'm just gonna sit on this back then. Okay. It's stopped, it's stopped. Get in. Just pretend that none of that happened
And we're back!
"You've been marked."
I don't know what that means, but I'm scared
Okay
*clap* Well, I'm gonna leave this episode of Far Cry 5 here. There is a lot more to explore. There's a lot more to do.
There's a lot more people---
---who want to kill me!
Sorry, sometimes people are just rude.
Excuse-hello?
Okay, I'm gonna leave this episode here. I am gonna play more of this game
There's a lot more stuff that I want to do, there's wing-suits. There's planes
There's a whole bunch of massive crap that I want to have fun with and it's gonna be awesome.
So excited to be playing more Far Cry again, but for now
thank you guys so much watching this episode, if you  liked it punch the like button in the face!
Like a boss!!
And! *whispering* high fives all round *ka-pish, ka-pish*
Thank you and I'll see all you dudes *high pitched* for the next videooo!
Have a drink oh wait sorry, that's not a drink
