So, I Just Watched The Mule Clint
Eastwood has two separate threesomes in
this movie so if you just watched my
worst films of the year list that came
out just a few weeks ago up there then
you will remember that I put Clint
Eastwood's last film the 15:17 to Paris on
that list of the worst films from last
year and oh boy has he already made it
into the 2019 list with this entry
so The Mule is based on a true story I
believe it was from an article in some
sort of newspaper it's the story of this
90 year old man who is a herpetologist
after his shop gets shut down he needs
money to provide for his granddaughter's
wedding and for a bunch of other things
that all crop up and so he becomes a
drug mule for the cartel and then it's
just kind of following him as he does
this and tensions start to rise between
him and his family and then with the
cartel and there's also an investigation
going on and it's really really bad like all
the writing of it is just very very
wooden and just feels like there's no
passion behind anything that's going
on here and it's kind of one that's
tough to describe certain aspects of it
that are bad because you can't really
get it without seeing it but don't go
see it because it's boring and a boring
film is one of the hardest ones to
describe because you're just sat there
going like why is this still
okay so the movie opens with a prologue
in 2005 where Clint Eastwood is winning
like the herpetologist of the Year award
or something and because he's going to
receive that award he misses his
daughter's wedding
but like all the award is is a Crystal
vase I feel like you could have just like
written to the people and said oh sorry
I won't be able to make that it's my
daughter's wedding on the same day I
feel like they would have understood
that like this is not this is an easy
choice here Clint but yeah that whole 2005
prologue thing though adds literally
nothing to the rest of the movie that
you couldn't have explained away through
just a line of expository dialogue
I mean basically the only important
thing that comes out of it is that he
misses his daughter's wedding and
therefore has strained relations with
this family and you could have done that
just by having someone say well he
missed my wedding you know and but even
within that scene and then following on
from that you find out many other times
just how much this character hates
technology so in that opening scene he
sees a guy who's there talking about
and here's how you can sell your flowers
on the internet and he's like huh
the Internet and then it cuts to 2017
and he's closing up his business he's
like god damn internet put us out of
business and then regularly throughout
when he sees people on their phones he's
like hey you kids on your phones maybe
you should pay attention to the world
you're always looking at the screens man
yeah this really is just an old man
yells a cloud kind of a movie after his
business gets closed he's gone to his
granddaughter's wedding yeah so he goes
from misses his daughter's wedding in 2005
and then 12 years later it's his
granddaughter's wedding oy vey
and also I feel like I should point out
that between 2005 and 2017 Clint
Eastwood clearly has not aged in that 12
year period so either he's a really spry
looking 90 year old or he was like
really looking bad when he was in his
late 70s yes but he's at his
granddaughter's wedding and after
there's this whole argument thing
just some guy some Mexican guy called
Rico comes up to him and is like sees on
the back of his truck that he has like
stickers from various states he's been
to he's like oh wow you've you've driven all
over the place huh Clint Eastwood out of
nowhere just like yeah and I never got a
ticket like he wasn't asking about that
but because of this because this old man
like this 90 year old man has said that
he never got a ticket and has stickers
from other states on the back of his
truck the guys like you know what you'd
make a good drug mule yeah every single
Mexican character in this movie is a
drug dealer and Clint Eastwood is
spending a lot of time with all these
Mexican characters and I have to say
considering that it is less racist than
I thought it would be so points for
being not very racist although there is
a moment when Clint Eastwood cause some
black people Negroes yeah that happens
in a 2019 movie there's this scene
where he's walking out of like a shop he's
just carrying this big box of
raspberries as he's walking out this
shop and he sees these people working on their
motorbikes and like they can't get it to start
and he starts trying to give advice do
you know yeah well you know son if you
do such and such a thing with the bike then
it'll work and stands up and it's it's a
woman working on the bike and he's like oh
oh sorry I thought you were a man didn't realise that
you were a woman like you know we're not
women well then who are you
we're dykes on bikes and then Clint
Eastwood as as he's walking away they
try out what he says and it starts
working and they go hey thanks old man
and he says you're
welcome dykes
so I I mentioned before about Clint
Eastwood having two threesomes in this
movie and yes that is genuinely a thing
that happens one is just in the middle
of this montage of him driving and being
followed by two cartel members who are
there to supervise him and they are just
watching him and he's just at this hotel
room and he's dancing around with this
woman presumably a prostitute and then
another one shows up and the two of them
are dancing
oh three of them sorry i dancing closes
the door and then kind of cuts to
however long later and the two
girls are leaving carrying their shoes
in their hands like there's a oh so
Clint Eastwood just had a threesome in
this movie that he directed and produced
'kay and then later on he gets taken to
meet the boss of the cartel who is
played by Andy Garcia which it's so
weird to see him doing something like
this after the last couple of times I've
saw him were in Mamma Mia! Here We Go
Again and Book Club but he's the crime
boss he's terrible and they say he gets
two gi-gets this girls that you know
you're gonna take him off to a room and
you're gonna treat him real nice so she
takes him there and she's you know she's
about to starting a good time with him
and then another girl comes in and goes
hey can I join in and so Clint Eastwood
has two threesomes in this movie I mean
you can't make this up I am NOT making
it up there are two separate scenes in
this movie where 88-year-old
Clint Eastwood playing a 90 year old man
has threesomes with women who at most
are in their 30s I mean if you added up
the ages of the four women that he
sleeps with in this movie you would
probably get somewhere close to his age
but as well as the whole Clint Eastwood
thing there's also this plot with
Bradley Cooper and Michael Pena as the
DEA agents
who are tracking down the cartel and
trying to figure out who the mule is and
it genuinely feels like they are in a
different movie like I feel like they
only saw the bits of the script that
they were in and had no idea what the
rest of the movie was and so they were
just like really just they're there to
pick up a quick easy paycheck it feels
like they they put in no effort into
their scenes like half the time they're
just sitting in a car as well as that as
Laurence Fishburne plays like the
head of the DEA literally every single
one of his scenes takes place either in
the same office or out in the corridor
except for one scene at the end when
he's at the court so I feel like
Laurence Fishburne was on he had like a
couple of days free and you know they
had him on set for like a day and a half
it's it just really doesn't gel with any
of the rest of the movie and it's just
there to pad out the runtime which good
grief they do enough of that I mean the
rest of the movie
I'd say about 30 minutes of this movie
probably of this two-hour movie is made
up of Clint Eastwood driving along in
his truck singing and genuinely is just
on a lot of really long annoying scenes
of Clint Eastwood singing along to like
old Rat Pack tunes as he's driving
through the desert someone somewhere
paid for this movie like someone said
you know what this is the movie we are
gonna invest our money in this is what's
gonna bring in big audiences see yeah
this movie is really really bad I cannot
say just just how boring it is and how
misguided it is to have Clint Eastwood
have two threesomes in it and for him to
call a black family Negroes and for him
to talk to the dykes on bikes
I mean do not go see this movie is what
I'm trying to say there's there's a
bunch of stuff out right now that you
could go see so please do not make it
The Mule make it so that I'm the only
one who had to suffer through this don't
do this to yourself thank you so much
watching my video about The Mule if you for
some reason went to see this terrible
movie let me know what you thought of it
in a comment below click up here to
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videos by me now if you'll excuse me I
need to go take a long shower so that I
don't have to think about Clint Eastwood
with his shirt off anymore
