 
## Southwind

## Calls

### BOOK ONE

### A Novel by

## MEL SCHANZ

### Copyright

Copyright October 5, 2017

Cover Art copyright October 5, 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, photographic recording or otherwise) without prior written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages, in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.

All characters of this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons living or dead, is coincidental.

### Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 2 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 3 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 4 ~ Avery

Chapter 5 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 6 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 7 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 8 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 9 ~ Avery

Chapter 10 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 11 ~ Avery

Chapter 12 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 13 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 14 ~ Avery

Chapter 15 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 16 ~ Avery

Chapter 17 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 18 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 19 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 20 ~ Avery

Chapter 21 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 22 ~ Avery

Chapter 23 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 24 ~ Avery

Chapter 25 ~Ashlee

Chapter 26 ~ Ashlee

Chapter 27 ~ Avery

Chapter 28 ~ Ashlee

A Note From The Author
The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong. ~ Laura Ingals Wilder

### Prologue

A call came into the station of a possible vehicle accident on Lone-Star road. Officer Needles grabbed his jacket and slapped his deputy on the back. "This is us, Blacko. C'mon we'll catch a bite to eat on the way back."

Deputy Blacko Braun and Officer James Needles climbed into the squad car and buckled up.

"Light 'em up, Blacko," Needles commanded as they sped off in response.

The 911 operator reported the accident location at the bottom of Lone-Star hill. The clump of higher than normal land wasn't actually the name of the hill, but the locals called it a hill because there weren't any mountains in Kansas, and it was the largest mound around. Also, it happened to be on Lone-Star road. The rain had been drizzling since five in the morning, which made driving fast difficult. Needles feared he'd crest the hill and find himself on top of the accident, so... As he began climbing the hill, he slowed. On the downside, he saw a car overturned in the ditch and a pick-up truck lying on its side in the middle of the road. Needles parked the police cruiser sideways in the road, lights running, at the top of the hill and they continued to the site on foot. He didn't need oncoming traffic plowing into the accident after roaring over the hill.

Needles spotted a boy kneeling beside a man in the ditch. He wasn't sure whether the man was alive or not, there wasn't any movement. The emergency medical team parked on the other side of the accident as Deputy Braun rushed to the boy.

"Hey kid! Are you okay? What happened"

An EMT felt for the old man's pulse, "It's weak, but he has one!"

Officer Needles took point barking instructions to the EMT's who were getting the stretcher. "Let's get him out of here and to the hospital."

Another EMT checked on the other vehicle. The car was jammed up badly; the small worker shimmied in and out through the back window. When he emerged, lacking color, they knew; it wasn't going to be good news.

"They're gone," he managed to croak.

Needles turned toward the boy, "Son, what happened here? If you know something, you need to tell us."

An EMT checked the boy over, "Are you hurt anywhere?" He slowed while checking the kids' head, nose, mouth and eyes, "I smell whiskey. Are you drunk, son? Hey kid, have you been drinking and driving?"

The boy didn't say a word.

All of the sudden, the boy turned toward the ditch and vomited, violently. After heaving, he turned toward Blacko, looked him square in the eyes, and passed out.

Officer Needles picked the kid up, turned to the EMT's and instructed, "Take the old man to St. Francis Hospital in the ambulance; I'll transport the boy in the squad car. We'll get him checked out and when he comes to, start asking questions. Deputy Braun, call a bus for the other couple. They'll go to the hospital to be pronounced. You're probably going to have to get the Jaws of Life out here to cut 'em out."

"Yes, Sir," Blacko replied.

Needles carried the boy to the squad car and led the ambulance to the hospital, lights and sirens. He had a hard time believing the kid was a drinker. Something wasn't right about it.

"But what? He reeks of whisky, he's disoriented, and he passed out..." he said out loud to the open road before him.

At the hospital emergency drive, hospital personnel were waiting with a gurney for the boy.

"I want full blood work-up done on him."

"Will do, officer," the nurse replied as she pushed through the ER doors.

Nearby, the ambulance unloaded the old man. Needles stopped, checking on him, "How's he doing?" he asked an EMT as they whisked by.

"It's not looking good; we lost him twice on the way in. It's going to depend on if the doc can keep his heart pumping, or not."

This was not how Officer James Needles expected his day to go. He wandered over to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup.

"You okay?" a nurse questioned.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he replied, wiping his brow and looking toward the surgery room doors. Nurses were running in and out, but he hadn't heard anything on the condition of the older man.

He sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours before he saw a young blonde girl race through the emergency room doors. She was frantic. Her eyes searched the room before she ran to the nurse's station and asked for Avery Harrison. The nurse asked her to take a seat and someone would come for her, but she was too upset to sit. Another woman, and a girl about the same age as the first, came through the doors a minute later and calmed her. The mother tried getting information on the boy named Avery, but was told the same thing.

A raven-haired nurse came into the room and tapped Needles on the shoulder, "Can you come with me please, officer?"

He arose and followed her down the hallway to an exam room where the kid sat in the middle of a hospital bed, hooked up to machine's spitting out information on his vitals.

"I can't get him to say anything," Needles admitted to deputy Braun when he entered the room ten minutes later. "Why don't you have a crack at him."

The young deputy nodded.

After a few minutes of asking the kid questions, and getting no response, Blacko too, was exasperated.

"Why can't you just tell us what happened?" he asked. "Two people are dead, and I understand your father is in the operating room fighting for his life!"

The door burst open and the young blonde girl from the waiting room entered asking for Avery. She seemed distraught and confused, but relieved to see the boy was okay.

The kid sought her eyes and spoke for the first time since the two officers had been with him. It was an apology of some sort, for what he had done, but it left Needles, Blacko, and the girl more confused. The door opened once more and both officers watched as the raven-haired nurse glanced around frantically, found the girl, and told her she was needed elsewhere. She protested, but Needles and Blacko said the kid would be fine; he'd be under their supervision.

Ten minutes later, the entire hospital heard the girl scream.

### Chapter 1 ~ Ashlee

_I can't believe I'm really here,_ I thought for what seemed like the one-hundredth time in the last minute or so. I never wanted to see this God-forsaken place for the rest of my days on earth. Too much heartache. Too many people subjected to devastation and loss. _The air even smells of death. The dirt is old, and... Oh, my word, I need to turn around and go back to California. I hate this place. I hate the memories it releases. I want to leave, badly._

But... I can't. I promised my brother I'd take care of things. Of course, he couldn't take leave of his work and care for things, and... I happened to be unemployed at the moment, not by choice, of course. So, here I am. Back in Kansas for the first time in twelve years.

The ranch I grew up on was going to be auctioned off in two months. For the next eight weeks, my job was to figure out a way to save the ranch, or get it ready for auction. My brother, Toby, wasn't specific on which he preferred, but I had to admit, it'll be hard to let the place go after four generations of Brackens. Since our parents had both passed away, the ranch ownership fell to Toby and me. However, with ownership, came responsibilities. It seemed we owed over ten-thousand dollars in back taxes on the property; plus, the loans were defaulted, and the banks wanted their money. Or, the ranch would be auctioned. Approximately two-thousand acres, the main house, two ranch-hand houses, three cabins, several barns, cattle, and horses were possibly going up for auction. I had my work cut out for me.

I moved to Monterey, California the week after my parents' funeral. My brother, Toby, lived there with his wife, Jenna, and their two daughters. They were more than willing to take me in. Toby knew I'd never survive in Kansas; he knew the people would never treat me the same. Sure, everyone would forever be pleasant, but they'd never remove the kid gloves. My brother basically saved my life. By taking me out of my hometown, I wasn't met with anyone reminding me of my past. I didn't have to say I was doing okay when asked, even though they didn't really want the answer; they were only doing the polite thing in asking. Because...what do you say to the fourteen-year-old girl whose parents are suddenly dead?

I was lost in my memory when my son pulled me back, yelling from the back seat of our Jeep, "Wow, Mom! Did you see that? That shop has a huge horse statue on the roof and horse shoes all around the door."

I cowered in the driver's seat and put my hand to my ear closest to him, "Yes, Eli. I saw it. I saw it when it was lowered onto the roof back in 1997, when I was your age."

"Wow..." he whispered as he stared. "That's a long time ago."

"Yes, yes it was. Your mother is as ancient as the dirt we walk on."

He laughed, "Well, you're not that old, Mom. But the 1900's were a long time ago."

I continued driving through town at the speed of a turtle winning a race. Turning from Main Street onto Lone-Star road, I shivered. I was driving the road my parents died on. It hadn't dawned on me, until the last turn, what I'd be facing, coming back to Kansas. Tears filled my eyes, but I quickly back-handed them aside and sucked it up. No way was I going to let Eli see me cry over the memories of this horrible place. _Get in. Get the place ready. Get it sold. Get out. Stick to the plan,_ Ashlee, I told myself.

I was like a trained war veteran. I drove methodically over the hill where the accident happened and straight to the ranch. Breathing wasn't an option through the route. I pulled into the ranch drive, and barely had the Jeep in park before Eli was jumping out and running for the first barn he could see.

"Eli!" I yelled, but there was no way he was listening to me. The only thing he spoke of the past two days of traveling, were the horses. He couldn't wait to see them, brush them, feed them, and hopefully, ride one.

"Eli Devin, you wait for me!" I yelled again, throwing in the middle name for emphasis. I rounded the barn door the same moment he reached out and touched the first horse. His tan hand lay on the smooth brown fur of the large animal. I listened and watched as he told the horse he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. My heart melted. My son was standing right where I stood, with my father, doing the same thing as my father and me. It was our spot. Tears threatened me again as I moved to stand behind him.

I reached into a nearby bin and fished out an apple. I knew where the treats were kept since the horse manager, Frank, was one of the few left taking care of the place.

"Here," I said, as I handed him the fruit. "I bet she's dying for you to give her a treat. But... Keep your hand flat, like mine," I showed him how to hold his hand completely flat, "You don't want to lose any fingers while feeding her."

"She? Are you sure?" he asked, and I nodded. He seemed okay with my answer as he took the apple, held his hand exactly as I had, and moved closer to the horse, holding the offering. The horse didn't need to sniff the apple to know what she was getting, she lowered her mouth and plucked it right off his hand. He jumped back at the sight of her teeth but recovered with a sweet, sweet giggling sound. Oh, it was so good to hear that sound from him. The kid didn't know pain like I did, but he was always conscious of my pain. He knew what I'd been through. He knew of his father, and... Of course, his grandparents.

We stayed in the barn petting and brushing the horses for over an hour. I knew my son always had a thing for animals, especially dogs, but he was seriously in a horse coma and I couldn't bring myself to pull him out of it. He asked their names and I managed to remember the few who still called the Bracken Ranch home, but some were new since I'd left.

"The one you fed the first apple...she's named Sunny. She was my favorite horse to ride because she was fast." I pointed farther down the barn stalls to a grey horse we'd also given a treat and a thorough brushing, "The grey mare is Patty, short for Patricia. She was another favorite to ride because she was slow."

He glanced at me with confusion.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued explaining, "Sometimes, I felt the need to ride like the wind through the pastures, and sometimes, I felt like being lazy and enjoying a stroll. You know, like when you want to surf, I see you take your board and ride the waves like you'll never be able to ride again. And then, other times, I watch you lay on the beach where the water laps at the shore and you simply relax."

He glanced from me to Patty and back to Sunny. "Hmm... I get it. She's your wild waves," he said, pointing to Sunny, "And, she's your lazy beach day," pointing back to Patty.

"Exactly." I nodded and ruffled his mop of raven hair.

I heard a sound coming from the barn entrance and turned. As soon as I saw the person standing in the frame, I knew who it was; a squeal left my lips.

"Fraaaannnnk!" I ran to him and almost knocked him down with the enormous bear hug I laid on him.

He returned the squeeze with equal strength, "My girl."

We rocked back and forth for a good minute before I could let go.

He pulled back, taking the sight of me in, but kept his arms locked on mine, "My girl, how long it's been. Look at you; you've done grown up on me. I can't believe what I'm seeing; I mean... I always knew you'd be a beauty, but you're more gorgeous than I ever imagined."

"Now, now. No need to flatter, I'm the same old Ashlee as ever, only a bit older. But, you Frank, you don't look as if you've aged a day. What is Mrs. Butler feeding you? The fountain of youth? And, how is Lannie? God, how I miss her homemade peach ice cream." I laughed softly and squeezed the man's arm one more time before letting go.

"Oh, you know Lannie, she's busy entertaining the grandchildren with stories of a honey-haired little girl who used to live around here; a girl who was always causing mischief, climbing trees and making Sunny jump fences. And, of course, she's still making peach ice cream. I'll be sure and put in the request for you." He winked before I caught his gaze over my shoulder, toward the horses. He whistled long and slow, "Must be the boy." He leaned into my ear and hugged me once more as he whispered, "He's beautiful, looks a lot like his grandma. She'd be so proud of you."

I followed his observation of Eli, and for the first time, saw my mother. It was funny. I'd never thought either one of my parents could be seen in him, but now that Frank had made mention of it, he _did_ resemble my mother. She'd had dark hair with steel blue eyes as had Eli's father, Devin. A thought quickly crossed my mind as I pictured Devin that summer we were together. _I was always drawn to his gorgeous eyes, never once realizing they resembled my mother's._ I shook the thought off as soon as it came on and started walking toward Eli; pulling Frank along.

"Frank, I'd like you to officially meet my son, Eli. Eli, this is Frank. He is the head honcho at the ranch and knows everything there is to know about horses, barrel racing, foaling, goats, dogs..." I rattled off as I met his eyes over my son's head and smiled, "and, pretty much everything that goes on at the ranch. He worked for your grandparent's from before I was born. And, his wife Lannie, is one of my most favorite people, ever."

Frank knew about Eli and Eli knew of Frank. I'd been sending the Butlers photos and letters of my life in California since my brother had convinced me, three months after Eli was born. They'd always been like grandparents to me. Young ones, since they were only around ten years older than my parents, but still, they treated me like family, and I them.

Frank held out his hand, "Pleased to finally meet you, young man. Are you thinking of helping out, here in the barn, during your stay?"

Eli shook his hand and glanced at me, "Well, mom says we aren't staying here long," Then looking back at Frank, he continued, "but, I'll do whatever you let me do. Like brush the horses and ride them and stuff."

"And, muck out their stalls?" Frank asked. "You know what mucking is, don't ya?"

"If you mean being the pooper scooper, then yep, I know what it is, and sure, I'll do it. I want to do everything there is to do with the horses!" He grinned. "Especially Sunny."

"All right, Partner," Frank shook his hand one more time. "We start at six-thirty in the morning; right after breakfast is eaten; you'll need to make sure you get a good night's sleep."

Eli nodded and left to tell Sunny all about it.

While keeping my eye on him, I turned toward Frank, "Listen, Frank, you don't have to do that. With everything going on around here, I don't want you to feel you have to entertain Eli too. This has to be hard on you and Lannie." Ashamed, I dropped my chin toward the dirt floor of the barn and scuffed my shoes back and forth. I really didn't know what to say to him, in less than two months I was going to sell his livelihood. He was around retirement age, probably sixty-five, I guessed, but... Farmers and ranchers never _really_ retired. _What were him and Lannie going to do for money?_ Guilt washed over me. _Could I really take away their way of life?_ They lived in one of the houses on the property too, so... Not only their cash flow, but also their home.

"What are you and Lannie going to do?"

He placed his fingers under my chin and brought my wet eyes back to his, "Now, none of that nonsense, Ash. You don't need to take no blame for needing to sell the place, or even wanting to, if it comes to it. Lannie and I will be fine. We have a place to stay with our youngest boy and we'd like to travel some too."

His explanation was barely convincing. I could tell, he was trying to convince himself as much as he was me.

"You do what you need to do. Ranching has changed from ten years ago, even though we still make pretty good money on foaling and barrel horses, it alone can't keep this ranch afloat. If beef prices were higher, it'd be better, but I don't know much about that. Believe me, I've tried and checked every which way to bring in more money, maybe if the back taxes weren't owed, or that weasel Clarkins didn't run off with the money. Either way, I can't see how to get out from under this mess and make it profitable again."

A tear dropped onto my cheek. I backhanded it, and pulled Frank in for another squeeze. "I'm going to need that peach ice cream a lot sooner than I thought, Frank."

### Chapter 2 ~ Ashlee

I unlocked the back door of my childhood home and stepped inside. The strong smell of old wood drifted through me like a ghost. I flipped the light switch and the mud-room brightened. The electric had been on, and paid, over the years, but the windows had obviously not been opened in quite some time. _The place could use a few days of air movement,_ I thought. Eli followed, pinching his nose. The mud-room was large. It easily housed a few people, the clothes washer, dryer, and boot racks along with jacket hooks. My grandfather added it to the house in the early sixties, per my grandmother's refusal of any muddy boots allowed in her house. The rule still stood. I slipped my shoes off and Eli followed suit. Through the mud-room the house flowed in a sort-of square. If we went to the left, we'd step into the kitchen and then dining room. A right would take us into the main family room, the staircase, two downstairs bedrooms, an office, and a powder room. I turned left.

Eli walked ahead of me through the kitchen where he noticed a framed picture on the wall, "Hey, Mom, is this you?"

I set my bag on the table and glanced his way, knowing exactly which photo it was. The one of me when I was about 9-years-old, riding Sunny for the first time. Dad had brought her home from a livestock auction in Montana. He went for one-hundred head of cattle, but came home with my horse. The cattle made it back with him too, but Sunny was the prize of the auction. She was a year-old filly, and hadn't even been for sale at the time. She belonged to one of the rancher's when my dad noticed her; instantly knowing she was the one for me. I later found out, by listening to one of my parents few arguments, he'd paid a thousand dollars more than she was worth. My mother was upset with him, saying he needed to stop spoiling me, but my father didn't care. I was his baby girl; I was going to get whatever he wanted to give me. My mother was exasperated, but still, I heard her giggle. I'd peeked around the corner and saw my father kissing her neck; telling her both of his girls were going to forever be spoiled so she might as well give-up complaining. I went back to bed and dreamed of marrying a man like my father, someday.

"Yes, it's me. And, that's Sunny, the day my daddy brought her home. Wasn't she beautiful? In fact, she still is."

"Wow! She's old. How old do horses live?" he asked, forever interested in animals, along with all their facts.

"Well, let's see, if I remember right, that picture was taken in nineteen ninety-seven and she was a year old, so... That'd make her about eighteen-years. She still has many years left in her. My grandfather had a horse like her who lived to be thirty-seven."

It was strange, feeling this wealth of suppressed knowledge flooding back to me. I shrugged my shoulders in thought, _must be the atmosphere around this place, or something about coming home._

He mouthed the word wow once more before moving on, in search of more interesting things in the old house. I shook my head and thought about how much there was for him to learn here. I'd kept everything dealing with the ranch from him his entire life; _why had I?_

Low enough for Eli not to overhear me, I muttered, "Oh, Toby. You knew damn well what you were doing when you sent me here with Eli. You rascal."

Together, we wandered through the downstairs, flipping on lights and opening windows as we went. Except for the sheets covering the furniture, and layers of dust on everything, it looked exactly the same as when I'd left, twelve years before. Panic rose in me as I thought about my parents and all that had been lost. I punched a fist into my father's oversize recliner. Eli turned sharply from the bookcase he was checking out.

"You okay, Mom?"

"Yeah," I spoke shakily, inhaled and tried again, "Yeah, I'm good. There are a lot of memories here; I never thought I'd come back and face them. But, I'll be fine, Bud, I'm a Bracken. And, Bracken's are strong people." I smiled at him and got a slight smile in return.

You're not fooling anybody here, Ashlee.

"Listen, Bud, let's take our things upstairs to the bedrooms, see how much dust we have to remove to stay the night. What do you say?"

"Sounds good to me, Mom. I'll carry your bag. Because, there's something else Bracken's are, and that's polite," his smile reached his eyes.

"Oh, how I love you," I squeezed his shoulders and thanked God silently again for sending him to mend my broken heart.

I led the way to the antique staircase, a mainstay of the home. The long, winding, maple railing was something I slid down daily, as a kid. I ran my hand over the railing, reminiscing before we ascended the stairs. On the fourth step from the top, I stopped, backtracking a step. Since Eli was behind me, he also had to stop.

"Wait." I held my hand up. I stepped back and forth between the fourth and fifth stair. On the third trip, I finally got what I wanted: A loud wooden creak. "Ah... There it is," I smiled and rocked back and forth again.

"Mom? What are you doing?"

"Making sure no one fixed the creaky step," I smiled as I ruffled his hair and proceeded up the stairs. As Eli followed, he stepped on the creaky step, it creaked once more and we both laughed.

At the top of the stairs, I turned left toward my old bedroom. I opened the door and was instantly transported back to my childhood. After pulling off the dust protecting sheets, I found my bed was made with my favorite quilt. When I'd left the house after my parents' death, I didn't want to take anything with me. I didn't want memories involving everyday things surrounding my parents. I wanted to keep my favorite things about them, in my heart. Not, physically hold onto them. I wiped at a falling tear and moved on, letting Eli bring in our bags.

I watched him walk around the room, unimpressed until he saw the line of eight ceiling-to-floor windows and the view they allowed. One thing my great-grandparents had done when they built the house, was build large bedrooms. My room sat facing the back of the house with an incredible view of the large lake beginning a hundred and fifty, or so, yards behind the house. The lake covered roughly 16 acres of the property. My brothers' bedroom was directly across the hallway but faced the front of the property. Even-though the bedrooms were identical in size, and both had the same beautiful windows, Toby had always complained that I had the better bedroom because of the view. I pushed through the door at the end of the room and walked into an over-sized closet which passed through to a bathroom. I continued walking through the bathroom, before exiting into my brother's closet, and then his bedroom. Eli followed and was amazed with the layout. He met my eyes with his wide open, and for the third time, mouthed the word _wow._

"It's called a Jack-and-Jill bathroom," I explained. "If your Uncle Toby beat me to the shower growing up, he'd stay in it forever and I'd have a cold shower by the time he finally finished. It's hard to believe he was mean to me, isn't it? But, don't worry, I got him back by spending at least ten minutes first thing in the morning in the bathroom because I knew he had to relieve himself. I wouldn't even be using the bathroom, or anything; I'd lock both doors and give my Barbie dolls a swimming party in the tub. Toby would have to go downstairs to the bathroom, or outside. Oh, how he'd holler. Funny thing was...my daddy was the one who told me to do it. He said he deserved it for sleeping in and not getting up early, helping with the chores."

My thoughts continued... _I hadn't known much about teasing a teenage boy at the time; I was eight and Toby, eighteen. The next year, he moved to California and I didn't see him much except for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the summer, while he was on school break._

I led the way through Toby's room back to mine. His room had a king-sized bed in it for when he and his young family had visited from California.

"You can have my old room and I'll take the other one," I relayed to Eli; he nodded.

After opening the windows, stripping the sheets, and dusting the bedrooms, I called Eli and asked if he wanted to go into town for a few more cleaning supplies, new linens, and some dinner. His answer came in the form of running for the stairs, the back door, then the Jeep. By the time I made it there, he was buckled in and ready to go.

I looked him over and questioned, "You must be hungry, huh?"

"Starving!" he replied. "What is there to eat in this town?"

"You know, I'm not sure what's here now, but when I was growing up there was an amazing diner known for serving the best burgers and fries. Plus, they had chocolate shakes to die for. What do you think? That is, if they're still open."

He nodded eagerly; I put the car in drive and headed toward town. As I drove through town, for the second time, I took a few moments, glancing around the scenery. It was almost as if I time traveled to when I was a young girl, living in the area. The family owned drug store still occupied one corner of the square. _The Nelson family had owned it,_ I remembered. _They had two daughters and a boy, the boy being in my grade. Dalton,_ I believed. _I wonder if they still own the store?_ Next door to the drug store, were a flea market and flower shop. Those were new. Farther down the street, the old bookstore remained next to my mothers' bakery. The bakery, of course, was gone and a café occupied its place. It had and new awning, redone with red and white stripes, but the same bright-white, massive door invited you in off the street. The cafe was named Vera's and I thought about trying the cuisine, instead of Bob's Diner, if it was still in business, but decided against pressing myself into dealing with every memory in the same day.

"Breathe, Ashlee," I whispered to myself. "It's merely a building." _Yeah, a building you spent your entire childhood in, no big deal._

Sirens went off on top of the car behind me. Thinking the officer was responding to a call, I pulled over, letting him by. I was surprised when he pulled in behind me.

"Oh great. What did I do to get pulled over?" I berated myself, loud enough Eli heard me.

"I think maybe you were speeding, Mom," he replied.

"No way was I speeding, I don't speed," I countered while I dug into my glove box for my registration. While living in Southwind before, I wasn't yet old enough to drive; I hadn't paid too much attention to the speed limits. Although, I knew the main drag was a slower speed because my dad always complained about driving extremely slow on our way to the bakery. _But, how fast was I going?_

The officer stepped up to my window. "Good day, Ma'am, Son," he nodded to Eli in the back. "Could I see your license and registration, please?"

"Um...sure," I replied as I handed them over. "Is something wrong, Officer?" I looked at his name badge and read Lieutenant B. Braun. _Hmm... The name didn't ring a bell with anyone I could remember from my childhood, but I didn't really know many officers back then, either; only the officer who was at the scene of my parents' accident. Needles was his name; he was most likely old and retired._ Lt. Braun was not old. Young, possibly early thirties and I noticed he was of Indian decent. _He could be older though,_ I reminded myself, _everyone knew native people aged well._ I found it interesting the police force let him keep his hair long, even if it was nicely kept back in a hair tie. I also noticed he had the traditional police cowboy hat which had been adopted in the Central United States. My mind raced as he checked my papers.

He inhaled audibly as he checked my information, then glanced at me again before replying, "Well, I see you're from out of state, Ma'am," he paused. "The town square here has an enforced speed limit of twenty miles per hour and you were traveling at thirty-five. Did you not see the signs posted?"

"Really? Thirty-five? Are you sure that's accurate?" I was in disbelief. I never sped. Ever. _How could I have missed the speed limit?_

"Yes, Ma'am, it's accurate. The radar gun doesn't lie," he replied dryly before asking, "Where are you headed?"

I was still in disbelief. _How could I have been driving over the limit?_ I shook my head, clearing it. "Oh...uh...we're...going to get some dinner and to the country store. Listen, I'm sorry, I should've paid attention more, so...whatever you need to do, write me a ticket, or whatever, I'm sorry, I must've been distracted and missed the sign."

"Listen, I'm going to go run your license and make sure you don't have outstanding warrants before we talk about tickets." Lt. Braun tapped my registration on the car window-sill before returning to his squad car.

"Holy cow, Mom!" Eli exclaimed from the back. "Thirty-five! You were going fifteen over the speed limit. He is so giving you a ticket."

"Oh, thanks Eli. Exactly what I need, you explaining to me how I broke the law." I peered into the rear-view mirror at Lt. Braun in his squad car. _What was it my friend Ellie was always telling me got her out of tickets? Tears? Boobs? Damn, I couldn't do either one of those; my kid was in the car with me. I'll have to suck it up and take the fine, I guess. I deserve it anyway, I was speeding,_ I thought. I glanced again and watched as the Lieutenant stepped out of his car. He was in great shape with long legs and a built upper body. I wondered if he was single. _Oh, stop it, Ash. He's nowhere near your type. Whatever your type is._ He held his ticket pad along with my registration in his hand. _Oh boy, here we go._ I tried to conjure a genuine smile but wasn't feeling it so instead I came up with something resembling constipation.

"Well... Ma'am, seems to be your lucky day," he handed me my papers and continued, "I'm going to let you slide this time with a warning since you're not from the area, but don't do it again. We like to keep the streets safe around here for the kids and the town folk who walk regularly in the area."

"Are you sure?" I was both flabbergasted and ecstatic with not being cited. "I mean, I'm grateful but I don't want you to get in any trouble for letting me off with a warning."

"No, Ma'am. No trouble at all; we'd like out-of-towners to know we're a pretty good folk here. Now, is there anything I can help you find Ms. Bracken? A Motel? Restaurant?"

"Oh...um, we don't need a motel, we have a place to stay, but yes, you could probably help me with a question I have. How about Bob's Diner? Is it still in business? I used to live here when I was a kid and was hoping to take my son for a burger basket and shake, if it's still open, that is."

Lt. Braun smiled before nodding, "Yes, Ma'am. Ole Bob is still back there grilling too. Burger baskets are better than ever, and the shakes are still delicious."

"Awesome. Thank you, Lieutenant, I'll make sure, from now on, I drive the speed limit," I assured him before I looked over my shoulder, making sure Eli was still buckled. I turned back to the Lieutenant in time for him to nod and raise his hand in farewell. I pulled back into traffic, which was virtually none, and headed toward Bob's Diner.

### Chapter 3 ~ Ashlee

Five minutes later, we pulled into the diner parking lot; the smell wafting out the door was amazing. Eli climbed out of the Jeep and walked with me to the entrance. Inside the diner looked about the same as I remembered it. Same red vinyl cushion booths, same bar stools with the same red vinyl covering them. Same jukebox in the corner. Same Coca-Cola sign on the main wall along with license plates from all over the United States; several of them from Kansas. Same sticky floor. Eli wanted to sit at the counter; I obliged, and a young waitress came to wait on us. I didn't recognize her as anyone I knew, but decided everyone would look different being twelve years older than the last time I saw them.

I ordered two burger baskets with the works and two chocolate shakes. Eli asked for money to feed the jukebox, so I dug a couple bucks in loose change out of my purse and sent him off. The waitress came back around and asked if I wanted anything else to drink besides the shake and I decided on an iced tea.

As she poured my tea she nodded over toward Eli, and asked, "How old is your son?"

I was happy to make conversation with an adult since most of my conversations involved a certain little boy. "Eli? He's eight; turned eight in May," I turned my gaze on Eli and smiled before I asked the common courtesy question in return. "Do you have children?"

"Me? Yes, I have a son who's five, a daughter who's two, and one more on the way, due in November," she blushed.

I thought about how young she was with two small children and another on the way. My eyes dropped to her waist line and I thought there might be something there. November would make her about four months along. She was petite and her smock big...it was hard to tell.

"My goodness, you're so young," I was young when I had Eli. People must've thought the same of me as my belly grew and later as I ran around with a toddler on my hip. I cleared my throat and corrected, "I mean... I was barely eighteen when I had my son, but it was definitely hard with one child. I can't imagine three kids."

"Me either," she spoke with despair. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I love my children, but I am exhausted from chasing them around and being pregnant. At least my son starts school this year, that'll help take some of the burden from me, but I still have the rest of the summer to make it through. Lord, help me. I'll be fine though; my husband and our parents are around and love the children, so... They take them occasionally. Not as often as I'd like, but a break is a break, right?"

"I hear you on that. I had my brother and his wife when my son was a baby, it wasn't much, but it worked, and they loved him like their own, still do," I explained. "If you don't mind my asking, did you grow up here? You seem familiar... I moved away when I was younger and haven't been back. I'm having a hard time placing faces with names."

"Oh no, not at all. Yes, I've been here my entire life. My name's Chloe. Chloe Davis," she held out her hand to shake mine. "Trenton was my maiden name. Bob's my uncle," she added as she pointed over her shoulder toward the kitchen.

I strained my brain thinking over Bob's family tree for a moment before it came back to me. Chloe was the daughter of Phyllis and Jack Trenton. Jack is Bob's brother making Bob a Trenton too. And, if I remembered correctly, Chloe had a brother a couple of years older than me.

"I'm Ashlee Bracken. So... Chloe, you have an older brother named Danny, right? I think there was a Danny Trenton who was a couple of years above me in school."

"Yes, Ma'am, that'd be my big brother. He tries to go by Daniel now, but we all still call him Danny. He lives in Texas with a wife and two kids of his own. We don't see them too often. Mainly the holidays and a week or so in the summer when they can get days off work and come home. They'll be in town in mid-July; I can't wait to get our kids together. The cousins adore each other," her attention traveled toward the end of the counter where an older gentleman sat down. She nodded at the man and said, "Well, looks like I better go grab some coffee for Paul, it was nice talking to you, Ashlee. I'll have your burgers out soon."

Eli pulled himself onto the stool next to me and inquired, "Who was that, Mom? Do you know her from the old days?"

I shoulder bumped him lightly and laughed. "No, Bud, but I knew her older brother Danny. He helped out at the ranch when he was starting high school. Nice kid, but my daddy wouldn't let me be alone with him. Something about hormones... I didn't understand at the time, but now, I completely get it."

"Hormones?" he questioned. "Oh, those would be those things Aunt Jenna talks about with the girls, huh?"

"Bingo. Someday you'll get them too," I explained as Chloe brought out our burger baskets. "Hopefully it'll still be years before I deal with your hormones though, Bud. In the meantime, let's eat."

"You two enjoy your dinner and don't forget to dip your fries in the shake," she set down a few extra napkins and smiled before she stepped away.

"She wants me to dip my fries in my shake?"

"Oh! I forgot about that little secret. Yes, it really is delicious, try it," I said as I demonstrated the procedure. I took a big bite of the frosty fry, "Mm... Devine," I'd forgotten how delicious Bob's fries and chocolate shakes were together. _God, I'm going to pay big-time for this._

Eli gave me his best _are you delusional_ stare but shrugged his shoulders and tried the concoction anyway. His eyes lit up as he tasted, waiting until he was done to give his review, "You were right! It's really good!" he took another bite, followed by another.

The burgers were exactly as I remembered: delicious. We ate the rest of our meals in silence and I left the money on the counter for Chloe. Her tables had picked up since we'd begun eating so she had only enough time to check on us once and leave me the check. I gave her a little wave as we walked out the door and headed for the country store.

It took the better part of two hours to find everything we needed at the store; by the time we made it back home, the sun had set. The light was on in the kitchen of the old house, but I didn't remember leaving it on. I climbed out of the Jeep and told Eli to stay put while I investigated.

"It's probably nothing, Bud. But, I want to be completely sure no one's inside."

As I stepped on the back-deck steps, I heard muffled voices but couldn't make out words. I took hold of my mace on my key-chain and opened it, ready to spray. Moving closer to the back door, I was able to see the counter-tops, but not the table, the partial backside of one person sitting at the table, and the legs of someone leaning against the counter. I was ninety-five percent sure I knew who the intruders were, but in-order-to be one hundred percent, I'd have to move closer. With my nose pressed against the back-door window, I saw fully who the person sitting at the table was. She had grey hair done up like she'd recently been to the beauty parlor.

I stepped back, ready to tell Eli all was good, when my foot landed on something, or someone rather. I yelped and we both fell backward down the two steps and onto the ground. I sat up, somewhat recovered and met my son's eyes. He grinned.

"Eli Devin! You were supposed to wait in the Jeep. You about gave me a heart attack and could've broken both our necks. What are you doing?" Something large and white in his hand caught my eye. "And, what are you planning to do with the milk?"

"I'm protecting you, Mom. What if it's a bad person and they knock you down or something worse? And... I was going to clobber them with the milk, of course."

"Well... Bud, you already knocked us both down, so I guess whoever is inside can come and get us. However, I have a feeling they won't be hurting us," I turned my attention on the back door where Frank and his wife, Lannie, peered out. I smiled and waved we were fine. "Go fetch the groceries and I'll introduce you to Frank's wife and the best ice cream you've ever consumed."

Ten minutes later, we sat around the kitchen table while Eli devoured his second bowl of peach ice cream. Lannie had given me a hug, which seemed to go on forever, before I was allowed to introduce Eli. Then, she insisted we sit and enjoy the ice cream while she put away our groceries. And, I let her. Not because I was exhausted and needed someone to wait on me, but because I knew she wouldn't let me protest, she was a grandmother, after all.

"What do you think, Eli?" I asked, knowing full well it was the best he'd ever had.

"The best. I don't even like peaches and it's good," he exclaimed. "And, I can't believe you let me have a chocolate shake and two bowls of ice cream on the same day. It's like my birthday, or something."

"Well, don't get used to it, Bud. This day has definitely been a special occasion kind of day; a lot of firsts for you. Your first horse encounter, first time you've been to my hometown, first time you've met Frank and Lannie," I chucked him under the chin and smiled at Frank.

We talked for a good while with Frank and Lannie before I began yawning uncontrollably.

Lannie met her husband's eyes and said, "I think it's time we head home and let these two angels get some shut eye. They've had a big day and there are going to be longer days ahead."

We were all avoiding the subject of auctioning the ranch, but I knew we'd have to sit down and talk about it by tomorrow.

"Come by tomorrow morning for some coffee and I'll make biscuits and gravy for y'all. We'll start figuring out what it is I need to do here, okay?"

Frank glanced from me to Lannie and back at me before nodding his agreement.

"All right, Dear, sleep good and you too, young Eli." Lannie kissed his head before mine and I felt a sudden warming. No one had done that in years. Not since my parents. I felt tears threatening and hurried to stand and open the back door for my guests, hiding my emotions.

After they'd gone, Eli asked, "Mom, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Bud. It was a little emotional seeing my parent's friends again after so long, but everything will be fine, and we'll have a great summer with them, making memories for you to keep forever. Listen, let's leave the dishes in the sink, take these new sheets upstairs, and make some beds so we can have the good night's sleep Lannie was talking about. Sound good?"

"I'm so tired I could sleep right here in the ice cream bowl," he replied.

We both laughed.

After beds were made, and teeth brushed, I tucked Eli into my old bed and said goodnight. I walked downstairs, checking the locks one more time and turning on the light over the stove in case Eli got up in the middle of the night. Glancing around the family room as I walked toward the staircase, I noticed a picture I hadn't remembered seeing before. It was displayed on the sofa table; the frame, a lovely rose design hand cut from wood. I turned on the lamp and picked up the frame. The picture was one of my parents with Toby and I from the last time we'd all been together; the Christmas before my parents' accident. I couldn't believe I was seeing the photo again after all these years and knew for a fact my mother, nor I, had ever put it in a frame. Let alone the intricately carved one in my hands. I remembered the day well.

It was Mom, Dad, Toby, Jenna, their girls, Frank, Lannie and I, sitting in this very room. We were opening presents while drinking coffee and hot chocolate on Christmas morning. I'd opened a gift from my parents...a new camera...one I'd been looking at through the window of a shop downtown when I would go to my mother's bakery. I never said anything about wanting it to anyone except my best friend, Clare. Had she told my mother? Possibly, I'd never thought about how my mother knew I wanted the camera. I remembered putting the film in the camera and snapping away at my family. We all laughed over it and eventually everyone got tired of me telling them to smile. Lannie had taken it from me and told the four of us to pose in front of the Christmas tree for a family photo. We did, and a couple weeks later, when I developed the film, I looked through the photos, showed them to everyone I knew, and then they went into an envelope shoved into the back of my desk, forever forgotten.

Until now.

Tears sprung to my eyes. I knew Lannie had done this for me, and I knew she meant well, but... _Didn't she know I wanted to forget all those memories?_ The joy I felt with my family growing up only caused me pain now. I set the frame down and turned off the lamp, climbed the stairs, got into my pajamas and the extra-large bed. The room was cool for a June night in Kansas, but the new sheets and quilt I pulled out of the cedar chest, were comfortable. I had all the lights out, but with the wall behind the bed almost a full sheet of windows, there was still a large deal of moonlight shining in. I laid back and rolled my eyes toward the presence of light. I could see the moon in the night sky; it was full and bright. I laid there staring at it. Everything was peaceful, serene.

Until... Something touched my foot, and I screamed.

"Mom?" Eli asked from the foot of my bed. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come in."

With my hand on my racing heart, I found his steel blue eyes in the moonlight, "No. No. No, it's fine. I'm fine, Eli. I was startled is all. Do you need something?"

"I guess I can't sleep. You know, being in a new place and everything. Can I sleep with you tonight and then I'll try to sleep on my own tomorrow night?" he pleaded.

I scooted over on the bed and made room for him, "Absolutely, Bud. Climb in and keep me company. I'm actually glad you came in here, I wanted you to sleep with me too, but I didn't want to make you." I pulled the quilt on top of us and nestled into the pillows once more.

We lay there in quiet for a few minutes before Eli asked me another question. "Mom, do you miss them?"

"Every day, Bud. I think about them more than I want to. I know that sounds bad, like I don't want to think of them, but what I mean is, every time I think of my parents, I feel pain and sorrow. So, I try to put them far out of my mind," I sighed before adding, "I didn't realize until today when Frank pointed it out, but when I look at you, I see my mother's eyes, my father's big forehead, and his ears that stuck out a little."

"Big ears?"

"Yep, not quite as large as my father's but they're growing every day."

There was silence again and I knew my little man was processing this new information. We didn't talk much about his grandparents, and now, in the past forty-eight hours, we'd spoken of them almost as much as his entire lifetime.

"Don't think I don't like looking at you because you resemble them. Eli, I love that you have something from my parents. It means they really lived. The same as the things you have from your father. It keeps a part of him alive."

He shrugged in the bed beside me.

"Kind of deep for an eight-year-old, huh?"

He giggled that sweet, sweet sound I love. "I love you, Mom."

"And, I love you too, Bud." I answered. "Now, let's get some sleep so we can tackle tomorrow."

He was asleep in minutes. I fell asleep much later, dreaming of a raven-haired, steel-eyed boy who stole my heart years ago.

### Chapter 4 ~ Avery

"And you're one-hundred percent positive it was her?" Avery questioned as he sat at the bar in Uncle Bob's diner. Bob wasn't really his uncle, but he grew up eating with his pops at the very bar and when he returned to Kansas, he resumed his old habits.

"One-hundred percent," Chloe answered. "I mean, she introduced herself as Ashlee Bracken, and she looks the exact same as she did years ago except prettier than I remember, as if that's even possible. Anyway, hair the same color. Freckles in the same spots, and... I don't think the girl has put an ounce of weight on. Only... Maybe, she has boobs now?"

His eyebrows rose but he said nothing.

She rolled her eyes, "Never fails with men, say the word _boobs_ and they're all eyes and ears."

He shook his head at the thought of his long-ago friend grown up and womanly. "Did she say why she's here?"

"Nah. We didn't get to talk about that because it got busy in here right after I gave them their food," she answered.

"Them?" his ears perked at the mention of someone accompanying Ashlee to Southwind. "Who was with her? Her brother? Husband?

"Nope. Her son. Who's eight, if I remember right."

"A son?"

"Yep, a little boy. Dark-haired little fella."

"A son," he repeated. "But, no husband?"

"Not one that I saw, and no wedding band either," she placed both hands on the counter-top, leaned forward and smiled. "Avery Harrison. You still have a thing for Miss Ashlee? What happened to that blonde from Wichita? She sure was pretty."

"She wasn't entirely interesting," he answered. "She went on and on about her cat and how he needed to be bathed every other day. I kept thinking, don't cats bathe themselves? I had to make an excuse not to see her anymore. It's a damn shame too, she had the longest legs I'd ever seen."

Chloe, a person of small stature, dreamed of the legs too, "Yes, I do remember the legs; they sure were long."

He caught her longing for long limbs and laughed.

"So... You're thinking of starting something up with Ashlee again?" she questioned, seriously.

He steepled his fingers in front of him, pondering the thought a moment, "No. There's no way for there to ever be something between us again. She'd never forgive me."

"People forgive, Avery. And, she's had quite a few years to come to terms with her parents' death. You never know. Then again, I don't know, maybe you should steer clear of her. You'd be a pretty large reminder of her past."

He met her eyes once more and nodded, "You're right. Ashlee doesn't need to be reminded of what happened in her life the last time I was involved. I'm sure she's well aware," he said, quietly. "I _do_ wonder why she's here, now, after all these years. It's my understanding she hasn't stepped foot back in the state of Kansas, since the funeral."

"Not sure, but I can tell you she didn't seem like she was going to be staying long, that's for sure."

He cocked his head in question, "Why do you say that?"

Chloe cleaned the bar-top next to him and replied, "Well, probably because of the list she was working on. It was a to-do list, and it only had a few items on it, which were: horses, cattle, land cost per acre, and hired help. Each one followed by a question mark. Sounds like she's looking into selling the ranch and I'm sure there will be a buyer waiting on the doorstep the moment anyone in the state of Kansas knows it's for sale. Heck, probably Oklahoma too, land is hard to find these days."

"Tell me about it. I've been looking for something to buy for three years now. Hell, at this point I'd even settle for something to lease," he replied. He slapped down some money for his tab and stood to leave. "Well Chloe, it's definitely been an interesting talk tonight. Thanks," he nodded and added, "Tell your husband I said hello and I might have some work for him to do on that old church soon. Will you keep me informed if you find out anything new on Ashlee? I think I'll stay out of her way."

"Will do," she nodded.

Avery left the diner and climbed into his truck. He idled in the parking lot for a few minutes thinking about this new information. _Ashlee Bracken was back in town._ All this time, he thought he'd never, in his life, see her again. Not that he didn't want to; he'd always wanted to see her again. He thought of her often. So often, that once, while attending school in Portland, Oregon, he took off and drove all the way to Monterey. When he arrived, he slowly drove past the address he found on the internet for Toby Bracken. He couldn't bring himself to stop. It wasn't right. After his drive-by, he drove to the Monterey State Beach and sat on the sand, watching the waves roll-in while the sun set on the horizon. He slept in his car at a truck-stop before returning to school. Sometime in the quiet night, he decided he was not meant to be in Ashlee's life and had to let her go. He was really never good at the let her go part, because he still thought of her, but he never again drove eight hundred miles in one day to sit on a beach because he chickened out on seeing her.

But now, she was on his turf. And, she brought her kid. _Where was her husband? Back in California probably,_ he decided. He shook the thoughts from his head and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for home.

Later, he sat on his front porch and watched the Bracken house in the distance. There was definitely some activity inside, but how was he to know whether it was Ashlee or someone else. He'd have to investigate further, after dark settled in.

"Until then," he said out loud, "I'll chop fire wood out back. That'll help take my mind off her."

Four hours later, it was midnight and he was dressed in all black. He took off at a jog for the Bracken Ranch with a pen flashlight and a pouch of small tools. His plan was to scope out the vehicle in the driveway and if he didn't find information about the resident, he would maybe, possibly, go in the house through the back door. He didn't like the idea of breaking in, but his curiosity was killing him.

He crept behind the Jeep and peered over the doors into the seats. No hard or rag-top on the thing so he didn't have to worry about a car alarm. The only thing in the vehicle was a folder on the front passenger floorboard. He picked it up and flipped it open. The folder, along with all the contents, about fell to the ground when his pen light shined across and he read: TOBY BRACKEN and ASHLEE BRACKEN: PROPERTIERS of BRACKEN RANCH, SOUTHWIND, KANSAS.

_So, it is her after all._ The rest of the folder consisted of numbers and prices for livestock. It also listed the land perimeters, the longitude and latitude coordinates as well as elevation. The population of Southwind, population of both Sumner and Sedgwick counties and the population of the state of Kansas, were listed at the bottom.

"She's selling," he said out loud. "But, why after all this time?"

He closed the folder and placed it back where he found it. Something in the back seat caught his eye and he reached in, picking it up. It was a toy surf board with a movable surfer dude on it. He chuckled. Of course, her kid would be into surfing, they practically lived on the water in California. It was probably all the kid knew. He wondered if it bothered her, the kid wasn't carrying around a toy horse, or if she didn't want that part of her life known to her son. He put the toy back and turned off his pen light, deciding against breaking into the house. He found the information he was looking for, now what he planned to do with it was a different story. He'd have to go home, think it over.

While walking, he thought about the times he'd walked the same dirt road with Ashlee, all those years before. Happy times, they were. He often wondered if he'd made the right decision twelve years before, but then, knew he couldn't answer that without seeing if she was happy. He'd watch her from afar and make his assessment before letting her go for the final time. She didn't need to know he still pined for her, but he needed to know she was happy with her life.

He fell asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow. He dreamed of a honey-haired mermaid sailing on the high seas, with her dark haired little boy surfing alongside the pirate ship, which belonged to the vineyard king of California.

### Chapter 5 ~ Ashlee

The next morning, I was up before the rooster crowed. Literally. The ranch didn't have a real living rooster, only the plastic one residing inside a cuckoo clock downstairs. It had always crowed at six in the morning while I was growing up. I hated the blasted thing. My mother hated it as well, but my father loved it, so... We put up with it. I was in the kitchen sipping my first cup of coffee when it crowed. Turning my head slowly toward the family room, I gave the thing a death stare.

"Are you freaking kidding me? That thing still lives?" I spewed, to no one in particular. I immediately marched into the room and on the sixth crow, yanked it off the wall and threw it across the room. It didn't break, but the rooster, dangling by a wire, appeared dead. "Your days are over, stupid rooster cuckoo."

I wasn't sure what had come over me, why the anger flared from both nostrils suddenly; possibly, it was coming back to Southwind and everything it entailed, but I felt frighteningly better after throwing the clock. I took a deep breath and calmly walked back to the kitchen, setting the ingredients out for the biscuits and gravy, and got started. Twenty minutes later, the biscuits were cut and ready to go into the oven. Gravy was simmering, and I decided I'd go ahead and scramble eggs for Eli, as well. I figured it'd only be minutes before he woke up, as he's an early riser; and found my premonition correct when he wandered into the kitchen as I plated his food.

He sat at the table and said good morning. I set his plate before him and dropped a kiss on his head.

"Good morning to you too. Sleep well?" I asked, knowing fully well he did, as he had kicked me in my side all night.

"Yep," he answered before he took in a fork full of eggs.

I poured myself a second cup of coffee and reached into the cabinet, collecting mugs for Frank and Lannie, who I saw walking from the barn to the house. _What time had Frank gotten here this morning? Early, for sure._ I finished pouring their coffee as they walked through the door.

"Have a seat Frank, Lannie. Good morning, I have the biscuits and gravy all ready to plate if you're hungry, and here's some coffee."

"Thank you, God bless you, Dear. And, good morning to you too," Lannie praised as she hugged me before taking a seat at the table beside Eli.

"I could smell the sausage gravy from the barn," Frank chuckled, as he too greeted me with a kiss on my forehead before sitting.

We sat around the old kitchen table, drinking our coffee and eating our biscuits as if we hadn't parted the night before. Lannie asked Eli about school, his friends, Uncle Toby, Aunt Jenna, and cousins: Sarah and Rebekah. The two of them were perfect together; exactly as I remembered myself and Lannie talking years before. Lannie always had a gentle, kind heart, and was a great listener. I was thankful Eli was able to meet her and Frank _. I'd have to make it a point to visit after the ranch sold, no matter where Frank and Lannie ended up._

Their conversation gave me a few minutes to speak quietly with Frank about the livestock on the ranch and where I was supposed to start.

"Two thousand acres of land; which includes the three acres the house sits on and the twenty acres the barns and ranch-hand houses are on. Twenty-two horses, six of them foaling now, eight foals from this spring, roughly one-hundred and sixty Black Angus, six goats, two dogs and three cats with one of them about to pop out a litter of probably four or five more kittens. Then, you have the four horse handlers, the cattle manager, two cattle hands, Lannie and myself," He took a sip of his coffee and watched as I absorbed the information.

"Well, damn," I muttered as I added a cube of sugar to my cup and stirred. "That's a lot of ranch." We sat silently a few minutes; I tried my best to breathe evenly, "Frank, I knew there was a lot going on here, it's just...just...oh, Toby never told me exactly how much. He told me to come out here, look at the books, see if I can fix the problem, and if not, auction the ranch off to the highest bidder. You know I have a lot of good and bad feelings for this place and my original plan was to come here, get it ready for auction and sell... But, how can I ruin everyone's lives? I can't be responsible for that."

We sat in silence a long moment. Even the ever-talkative Eli was eating as quietly as possible.

"I'll tell you guys what," I broke the silence. "I'm going to spend a few days looking over the books and figuring out if I can save it. I won't make promises I'm not sure I can keep, but I do have a degree in accounting... And, if I can figure out a way to pay the taxes and save the ranch, I will. But if I can't, you guys have to be ready to let it go. I let it go twelve years ago and thought I'd never want to see it again, but then there's Eli," I paused, glancing at him, "he's been looking forward to our time here for over a week, if I can only end up giving him a couple months of this place, I'll give it."

Frank and Lannie both nodded.

We parted ways with Frank taking Eli to the barn for the official grand tour. I took my third cup of coffee into my father's office and exhaled through the hair falling in my eyes.

All right, Ash. Let's see what we have here.

Two hours later, I sat on the floor, crying _. Why did I ever think I could do this? And, what was Toby thinking?_ Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket, I tapped Toby's name. It rang once. Twice. Three times.

The voice mail picked up and my niece Rebekah beamed over the message, "Hi. You've reached my dad's phone. He's currently being held captive by my mother, me and my sister. If you want him to call you back, you'll have to leave a message and maybe we'll let him go. Goodbye!"

I smiled at the new message for exactly one second before I remembered why I was calling, "Toby," I demanded into the phone. "I hate you. No, really, I hate you, right now. Why did you do this to me? I can't do this. There are too many memories here and I can't be around this place. I'm coming home, and you can hire someone to come figure this out. I'll be home by the weekend. Bye."

I dropped my cell into my lap and pulled my knees to meet my chin, burying my face in them; I sobbed. My parent's picture lay at my feet and papers pertaining to the ranch scattered around my body in a circle. _How could my brother think I could do this? He knows I don't talk about this part of my life. The past is the past and needs to stay there. That's what I always tell him. How could he do this to me? When I get home, I'm going to beat him up. I'm not going to stop punching him until I can't feel my fist, or the police are called, whichever comes first._

A few minutes later, I heard Eli in the house, calling for me. I quickly wiped my eyes and pulled myself together. I pushed all the papers into a pile and shouted I was in the front room, the office. He made it in the room the same time I stood, stacking the papers neatly on the desk.

"Mom! Mom! You've got to come to the barn and see the new kittens. They are so cute and cuddly. Frank says we shouldn't pick them up yet or the mama will get mad at us, since they're newborns, but he let me hold the grey striped one anyway. She had them while we were asleep last night. Isn't it wicked? Frank says by the time we leave here the kittens will need to have new homes and I could have one if I want. How cool is that? I want the grey striped one. Frank also said after lunch I can help him saddle up the little paint and he'll lead the horse with me on her back in the paddock and then, if I'm good enough on her, he'll let me ride a little on my own but only if you say yes, so... Mom, say yes, please! Pretty please? I'll be extra careful and do whatever Frank says for me to do. I promise. Please?" Eli pleaded, causing me to forget how mad I was at Toby.

I wrapped my arms around my son and gave him a tight squeeze before I spoke. My throat was tight with sadness and my eyes filled once again. _Breathe in, breathe out,_ I told myself before kissing his head and chuckling.

"So... The grey striped kitty, huh? And riding horses, are you now? This sounds like a big day for you. Do you think you'll really be okay on the horse without Frank? Maybe we'll work up to the riding by letting you be lead a few days, huh kiddo?"

What was I saying? Only a moment before I was planning my escape and never coming back. But, how could I break my only child's heart?

"I don't care what we do as long as I get to ride on a horse. They're so beautiful and gentle and huge. Will you ride too, Mom?"

The question caught me off guard. I hadn't been on a horse since the day of the accident. I didn't think I could do it. _Talking to them and feeding them is one thing, but riding? No... There's too much heart involved with riding... And, currently, my heart was shattered._

"I'd love to watch you ride, Eli. But, I might be a nervous wreck about you riding for the first time for me to be on a horse while paying attention to you."

"Okay, Mom," he said as he backed out of my embrace. "I'm going back to help Frank and check on the kitties again. I'll see you for lunch."

"You got it, Bud." I agreed as he left. I walked over to my cell phone, still on the floor. Picked it up, felt like chucking it through the window, but instead, hit redial and listened as Toby's answering machine picked up again.

"Damn you, Toby. You sent Eli with me to make me stay here, didn't you? You are such a turd and I don't hate you anymore but I'm totally mad at you for using my kid that way. Have you no shame? You'll pay for this. You hear me? Of course, you hear me. I'll give it one week. One-week, Toby. And then, we need to hire a lawyer and accountant to take over the sale. Comprende? Adios," I clicked end and slid my phone into my back pocket.

All right, Ash. If we're going to get this place ready for another accountant, let's start with organizing these papers and counting the assets we have.

Two more hours in the office and I was ready to pull my hair out. My brother had told me around ninety thousand dollars would be needed in order to keep the ranch. He was wrong. It was well over half a million.

"There's no way," I observed. "There is absolutely no freaking way I can find five-hundred thousand dollars." _God, what am I going to do? I can't put every employee out of a job, Frank & Lannie out of a job and home._ My severance pay was not much over twenty thousand after I paid the taxes on it. Even if I dumped it into the ranch, I'd be nowhere near the amount needed.

I folded my fingers together in front of my face and ran them up the bridge of my nose. "Lord, please send me an answer," I prayed. "And, make it one I can understand, please."

I pushed my chair back and exhaled heavily. Knowing I needed a change of scenery if I wanted to think straight, I left the office and prepared lunch for the hungry boys. On my walk through the house, I glanced at the picture of my parents, Toby, and myself.

"What would you have done, Dad?" I asked him for the first time in twelve years. "Mom? What would you do? We already sold your bakery, years ago, throwing the money into this place. What should we do now? Let it go to the bank? Auction it off and say goodbye forever? Maybe I could sell the cattle. Sell some of the land...there's a thought. Is that what you would do, Dad? No. You wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, would you?" I shook my head and walked toward the kitchen.

It was a noisy lunch with Eli babbling on about the animals he'd seen. Both ranch dogs were now his new best friends because he kept throwing sticks for them. Frank remarked how they probably hadn't had as much play-time in their entire lives as they had today. I nodded. My mind, busy calculating.

Noticing my quietness, Frank nudged my arm, "How bad is it?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, glancing from my uneaten sandwich to Frank and back to my lap, "Over five-hundred thousand. A lot more than I can fix; I don't know anyone who could fix this mess. I'm sorry. I wish there was a way to save it. Not for me or Toby, but for you and Lannie. And everyone else, animals included, who call the ranch home. And... For Eli and Toby's girls. It's not fair to everyone here to lose this. I'm sorry." I apologized as I pushed my chair back, stood and quickly left the room before the tears started once again.

I sat on the closed toilet seat in the downstairs bathroom and let the tears run. I needed to get it all out. Between sobs, I muttered to myself, "Go figure, Ashlee can't save the day."

There was a soft knock on the door.

"I'll be out in a minute." I replied rubbing my hands over my eyes. I wiped the tears away before washing my hands and opening the door.

Eli stood in front of me, "Mom, nobody is expecting you to save the ranch. Everybody here knows about the money grubbing fool who ran off and left the ranch to rot. They're all planning on moving off the ranch in a couple of months. It was cool to come here and see everything and all the animals, but they don't expect you to fix it. Frank told me in the barn."

"Oh," I replied. The wealth of knowledge my son knew on the subject threw me off kilter a moment. "Well, Bud. That's sweet of you, even if I don't think you're quite old enough to be calling someone a fool. You know how I hate to let people down. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I guess the whole coming home thing has gotten to me." I took him in my arms and squeezed him hard for the third time that day.

"Mom...you're squeezing the air outta me."

I smiled, laughed a little, and released him, "Thank you, Eli Devin. You don't know how much I really needed that. Now, let's go finish our lunch, okay?"

He nodded and led the way, pulling me back to the table.

Frank munched away on carrots and respectfully didn't meet my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Frank." I acknowledged as I lay my hand on his shoulder. "Coming back here has been more challenging than I expected. I'm not handling it well and I need to get a grip. I'll look into the numbers again tomorrow and call a few friends back home who deal in property sales and accounting; see if they have any innovative ideas for me."

He met my eyes and took my hand from his shoulder, holding it in his, "Sugar, I already told you, it's okay. We're all prepared to lose the ranch. And, if we do, we'll manage. You need to do whatever it is that you need to do and the rest of us will get by fine. Besides, if you have a buyer, maybe the new tenant will need an old ranch-hand and keep me on?" He smiled at me and gave my hand a squeeze, "Now, you sit and eat that sandwich while we go saddle up the little paint for Eli to try his hand at riding." He pushed his chair back, set his plate in the sink, winked at me, and followed Eli out the back door.

It turned out Eli was a natural in the saddle. Of course, the little paint, named Brandy for her rich amber swirls of color, was probably the gentlest horse in the team, so gentle he could've been doing cartwheels on her and she'd walk exactly as Frank instructed.

"Mom, isn't this awesome? I can't believe I'm on a horse. Won't Sarah and Bekah be jealous? Call Uncle Toby and tell him. And... Tell him to bring them here to see me...maybe they can ride too. Will you call him, Mom?" he spoke a mile-a-minute again.

"Okay, okay, just don't let go. Please, Eli. Brandy may be gentle, but you never know. How about I let you call your cousins later tonight and you can tell them yourself?" I asked as I dug in my bag for my camera and began filming his first ride. Eli hated it when I filmed him, mostly surfing, but also doing normal everyday things, but I wasn't about to let this one go without a small glimpse of the recorder.

Without meeting my eyes, Frank, while walking around the paddock carefully watching Eli and Brandy, suggested, "If you want, I can saddle up Sunny for you and you could take Eli out to pasture for a better ride."

"Oh, um... No thank you, Frank. I think my horse riding days are in the past," I put the camera away and pulled my bag strap up my arm, "I love how Eli is enjoying it though; it's enough for me."

"In time, Ashlee. Give it time," he replied with a glance my way.

I turned away from the boys in the pen, toward the barn and the neigh of my beloved horse. _Oh, I felt the pull all right. I was ignoring it the best I could for now, though._ We spent an hour walking Brandy and Eli in the pen. Frank had to get some work done so he left the lead rope with me when I said I was comfortable with Eli and the horse. The dogs sat at the fence watching Eli go around in circle after circle.

"Mom?" Eli asked.

"Hmm?" I was caught in a daydream, "What is it, Bud?"

"What is that tire doing hanging from that tree over there?" He inquired as he pointed past the barns.

I turned my attention the direction he was pointing knowing exactly what he was talking about. "That's my old tire swing. A rope is tied around it and then tied to a branch, so it can swing freely, back and forth. I used to swing on it all day long. Mostly on Sunday's after church. Sometimes I spent the better part of a day swinging and my parents had to come looking for me. You can't see it from the house, only from this side of the barn. Do you want to go check it out?" I wasn't sure I wanted to go to the swing, but I also didn't know if the rope was good anymore and I didn't want Eli breaking his neck on it if it was bad.

"Definitely."

"All right then, let's take Brandy in, brush her down and then we can take a walk over to the swing."

We spent half an hour brushing Brandy and feeding her treats. I stopped by Sunny's stall and gave her an apple too. She neighed and stomped her hooves into the ground.

"I know... I know, girl. I miss you too. But I can't ride anymore. I can't, Sunny. It hurts too much," I leaned forward nuzzling her nose. She licked at my neck. Horse kisses. Wow, how I had forgotten about horse kisses. "I'm sorry," I pleaded as I turned away. "C'mon, Eli, let's walk."

Once at the tree, I checked the rope and found it fairly new. I should've known Frank would've replaced it. I'm sure his grandkids swung on it all the time. _Great, another thing I'm going to take away from them._

"Well, go ahead, Bud. It's safe." I nudged.

Eli hopped on and I watched his face brighten while his blue eyes lit with the thrill of it. He quickly climbed, sitting on top of the knot and I pushed him a few times, getting him going. He enjoyed himself as I sat down on the ground and relaxed. I watched him swing back and forth a few minutes. He was carefree and loving it. I laid back in the warm, plush grass with the shade covering most of the sky overhead and closed my eyes. Almost immediately, I began daydreaming of a time when I was twelve-years-old. I was swinging exactly as my son did.

******

I swung with my head back and eyes closed, enjoying the feel of cutting through the air without seeing where I was going. All of the sudden, water hit me square in the face. It went up my nose; I sputtered and gasped while trying to catch my breath. I didn't even have to open my eyes to know what was going on. Avery. I knew he was nearby and armed with a loaded _Bazooka_ water gun. The question was: was I going to keep swinging and take the water assault? Or, hop off and retaliate? It took me to the count of three to decide.

"Oh, Ave. You better run. And, I mean run fast, because you know I'm faster than you," I hopped down and ran for the dock. I kept a loaded _Bazooka_ of my own in the bench seat on the dock. I made it there as Avery opened fire on me again. "Not smart, sticking around, Ave. I'm going to get you good," I reached into the trunk of the bench and grabbed for my water gun. I felt nothing but emptiness. "What?"

"Looking for this, Ash?" he peered over the bench lid, holding my gun as well as his.

"So not fair, Avery. Give me mine, or die!" I retorted. I stood and gave a quick glance around for what I could use on him as a weapon. Nothing.

"No way, Ash," he challenged. "I'm going to soak you through so bad you'll have to wait hours to dry and there's no way your parents will let you in the house as wet as you're going to be. Get ready!"

"Avery... Just...hold on a minute." I spotted a bucket nearby. Maybe I could fill it with water from the lake and throw it at him. Too late, he caught me looking.

"Don't even think about it," he stated while aiming both _Bazookas_ at me.

I inched further away. The edge of the dock was within a step from me. I had an idea. If I could lure him close enough to me I could move quickly and push him into the water.

"Avery, this really isn't fair," I inched further, he matched my step. "Okay, come and get me. I doubt you can shoot me with both guns at the same time anyway." I took one more step and timed it perfectly. As he stepped closer, I made my move swinging around on him and pushed. Only, as I pushed, he pulled and we both went pouring into the water.

We came up laughing and splashing each other. Now we were both soaked. He'd been right, my parents didn't let me in the house until I was dry. I stayed outside until dark, but it was well worth it.

******

I smiled to myself while I lay on my back watching the sunlight filter through the tree leaves. My smile faded as I remembered the reason why Avery wasn't in my life. Why we didn't finish growing up together and how he ruined my life as well as Toby's and our parent's. I shook my head and sat up. Eli was climbing down from the swing and walking toward me.

"What do you want to do now, Mom?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe go back to the house and clean up a little before dinner. Do you want to help me... Or, are you going back to the barn?" I asked as he gave me his hand and I pretended to let him lift me up.

"I'm going to check on the kitties and then play some more with the dogs. Do you know their names are Red and Fred? That's weird, huh?"

"That is weird. Who named them, Frank?" he nodded, and I continued, "He always came up with interesting dog names when I was little. I once had a Collie named Colleen and a Sheep dog named Bo Peep. Frank brought both dogs to the ranch full grown. Then, he brought a puppy and it didn't have a name, so he let me come up with the name. He was a German Shepherd, so I named him Germaine. Frank loved Germaine."

"You had a fun life here, Mom," he commented.

"It was, wasn't it?" I agreed before turning on the mom voice, "Listen, I'm okay with you hanging out around the barn, Eli. But, make sure Frank knows where you are so we don't have to look for you come dinner time. Okay?"

"Got it, Mom!" he yelled as he ran ahead of me.

On the walk back to the house I dallied around, enjoying the outdoors. It was something I'd always enjoyed in life. Even when I moved to California, I always felt the need to be outside in fresh air. I realized the outdoors had always been a constant in my life; one of the few things which brought me joy.

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and soon enough it was time for bed again. I walked Eli upstairs and asked if he wanted to sleep with me again, but he said no. He was comfortable with the house; he thought he'd be okay. While tucking him in, I noticed a light in the distance. It came from Avery's old house. _Well duh, Ashlee, somebody would live there now. It's been twelve years; I'm sure the place has been sold._

### Chapter 6 ~ Ashlee

I stared out the lofty window, remembering the day almost twelve years prior.

******

I was so excited for the day; I'd been planning it for an entire month. I was fourteen and my parents were finally letting me go to the lake with my friends. The big lake, not our ranch lake, which was decent-sized itself, but the city lake was four times the size, and not on our property. We had plans of camping out, swimming, and simply having a good time like kids our age were supposed to do. _The best part?_ My boyfriend was going to be there too. I secretly planned on walking beside the lake with him holding my hand and then, when we sat by the campfire, he would wrap his arms around me and maybe...maybe...maybe, we would kiss for the first time. It was going to be the best day of my life by far.

I'd made an apple pie to share at the lake. My friends always gave me a hard time about what I was going to bake them. My mother owned the bakery in town called _Sweetie Pie's_ and she taught me everything she knew as soon as I could stand in a chair next to her, mixing ingredients.

My plan was to surprise them with a fresh pie. I knew my boyfriend, Avery, would love it, he loved my mother's baking.

My mother and I stood in the kitchen of our old ranch house sifting, measuring, and rolling out crust for the pie. I knew a talk was coming. I could feel it in the air. After all, this was the first time my mother and father were letting me go on a camp-out where there would be boys.

I began sifting the flour, "Okay, Mom. Let me have it." I announced, in my most adorable, daughter-can-do-no-wrong, voice.

"Have what?"

"The talk." I knelt on a chair as I sifted and glanced over at her. She was trying her best to appear blank-faced, but... I knew instantly she was pulling my leg. I purged ahead, "You know. The talk. The one where you tell me to be careful around the lake. The talk where I should be sure to walk in groups of people, not by myself. The talk about staying back from the fire, so not to become the fire. And, probably the most important talk where you say I'm only fourteen and shouldn't be caught-up in kissing Avery." I glanced at her quickly, trying to catch her reaction to the last statement.

Her poker face continued as she chopped apples.

I couldn't believe her; she wasn't going to say anything about my revelations? How interesting.

"Well, are you going to have the talk?" I implored, maybe a little too impatiently.

She cleared her throat, "It sounds to me like I don't need to talk to you about any of those things. You asked, and answered, correctly, I might add, all of the topics by yourself," she smiled. "I _was_ going to tell you something, though."

_Here comes the lecture_.

She stopped chopping and held my attention, "Ashlee, you are an extremely smart young lady. You had all the right answers to questions a mother should ask or warn her teenage daughter before she goes on her first unsupervised camp-out. Your father and I are proud of you. I'm confident, if you are in any trouble you can find your way out of it," she picked up a pie plate and emptied her apple pieces into it. She smiled at me before continuing on with the pie and her talk, "But, if you come home with a hickey, or worse, pregnant, your father will have to kill sweet Avery and hide the body somewhere in a rock quarry... Or, better yet, feed him to the rattlesnakes in Oklahoma. Understand?"

"Mother!" I exclaimed. "I've not even kissed a boy!"

She smiled at me, "I know, My Darling, and that is why I trust you fully, but keep in mind the consequences, for Avery's sake, okay?"

I cleared my throat, "Understood."

_Had I grown up?_ My mother and I had a great relationship, but this was beyond her normal speeches on maturity. I did feel like I'd grown a lot since the summer before. Only a year before, I was busy being lazy, hanging out in the lake or riding my horse all day. But, this summer, my parents gave me a lecture about responsibility and how I needed to earn my keep. I'd always helped with chores on the ranch, but this was extra stuff, real working stuff.

At first, I groaned. I liked my life of luxury I'd been living and didn't want to give it up. But then, Avery, my best friend for years, asked my father for a job in our horse barn. I changed my mind about working awfully quick.

Avery and I had always been friends. Well, at least as-long-as I could remember. We lived only half a mile from each other. His house was a log cabin, and nestled in the side of one of the only hills in the county, which happened to sit right behind our property. I loved looking out my bedroom window at night and seeing the light on in his window. He had the loft bedroom with a spectacular triangular window. I couldn't see Avery himself, but seeing his light made me feel connected to him.

We sometimes played a goodnight game. First, I would switch off-on my bedroom light, then Avery would answer by switching off-on his light. Finally, we would both wait 10 seconds and switch off at the same time. It was our way of saying goodnight.

Besides the houses to the north of the Bracken Ranch, we were the closest houses to each other; we grew up meeting each other halfway between our houses to play. We met so often, my father ended up moving my tire swing from our back yard to a tree in our meeting place.

The last school year I lived in Southwind, our eighth-grade year, I began to see Avery differently. He was my best guy friend, but I knew he'd become more than a friend. He was different too. Sometimes he'd brush up against me and I'd feel a warm buzzing sensation run through my body. Other times, he'd move my hair off my face, something he'd always done, but now, I'd blush. I found myself brushing my hair all the time, or constantly applying lip gloss. I wanted him to see me as a girl, not the tom-boy he'd always known, and I hoped, possibly, he had these same feelings for me.

It turned out I was right. When Avery showed up for work in the stables, on that first day of summer break, I knew the feeling was mutual.

He walked slowly, to where I was pitching hay, stood two feet from me and cleared his throat, "Hey, Ash. I was wondering...wondering if you want to uh... Be my, uh... Girlfriend?"

Shock swept over me. Just like that, he confirmed both our feelings were stronger than friendship and asked me to be his girlfriend! I nodded nervously. Before realizing I was moving forward, I stumbled out of the stall and almost ran the pitch fork straight through my body. He caught me before I did any real damage. I blushed tremendously as he held me.

As I stammered for words, he coolly added, "Well listen, if you're going to throw yourself into my arms because I asked you to be my girl, then I should've done it years ago!"

We both laughed.

It was the start of the most amazing month of my life.

******

I shook my head of the memory as I stared into the dark evening. The light in his bedroom twinkled.

"It's Avery's light that's on, that's what's bothering me about it," I pondered out loud.

"Whose light is on, Mom?" Eli asked.

"Oh, no one's, Bud. Do you want me to close the drapes? There's quite a few open, it's bright in here. Maybe I should leave the one on the end open for moonlight...hmm?"

"You can close them all and leave the light in the closet on."

"Sounds good to me." I walked to the windows and began closing curtains. When I got to the last one, I took one more glance at Avery's old house. The light in his bedroom had been turned off. I pulled the curtain across and turned to my son, dropping a kiss on his forehead, "Goodnight. Remember, I'm right across the hall."

"'Night, Mom. I love you," he replied.

"Love you too, Bud."

An hour, and an extremely long soak in the bathtub later, I decided to head to bed. I fired up my laptop and began searching land prices in Kansas. Researching cattle, horse trade, ranch prices, even the price of goats. _At the going rate of $1320 an acre, if I sold 500 acres I could pay off the debt owed and back taxes. But, would the other 500 acres of land be enough to run the cattle on? And, if we sold some of the cattle would it still be enough income to run the ranch? It would start us off with some cash, but how much income would it be? I'll have to sit down and run the numbers again tomorrow; get Frank's view on it,_ I thought.

After what seemed like the one-hundredth yawn, I caved and shut the laptop down. Suddenly, bright light flooded the windows behind the bed. I turned to investigate, but was blinded by headlights.

"What the hell?" I demanded.

Jumping out of bed, I grabbed my brother's old baseball bat, fled down the stairs two at a time, and quickly moved to the back door, not slowing up until I was peering out the back window.

Someone was in my driveway leaning against their dark sports car. Because of the bright headlights, I couldn't tell who it was.

"Ashlee!" the person yelled. "Ashlee Bracken!"

I _knew_ the voice. Yanking open the door and running down the steps, I flew to my childhood best friend. Within ten steps, we were in each other's arms.

"Clare! Oh, my goodness, Clare!"

We hugged, swung around, and hugged some more. Tears streamed from my eyes. I held tight onto my oldest friend. Neither one of us wanted to let go of the other, but we had to if we were ever going to breathe again. Clare pulled herself back, then punched me in my shoulder.

"Ouch! What was that for?" I asked as I grabbed my shoulder.

"You've been in town, for the first time since we were fourteen, for over twenty-four hours and you haven't even called me? I'm a little upset. I've known since last night at eight when I heard from Chloe Davis. Chloe Davis! Can you imagine her telling me about my best friend? Why didn't you tell me you were coming back? My God, Ashlee, why haven't you returned my calls over the years?" she demanded. I saw her eyes flicker to my right hand where I still clutched the wooden baseball bat, "And, what are you going to do with that?"

"I'm sorry, Clare Bear." I caught her smile at the use of my old nickname for her. "I was a mess when I left here. I know my brother talked to your mom and told her I wanted no ties to this place. I'm so sorry, I know now it wasn't good for everyone here who knew me, but it was the only way I survived. Hell, I'm having a difficult time coping with all of it now, being back. All the awful memories are haunting me everywhere I turn." I saw her grimace. "But, not you Clare; I should never have cut you out. I see that now. There were numerous times over the past decade where I needed you. Even if it was talking on the telephone, email, or hell, even snail mail, I should've kept in touch with you," I laughed and raised the bat to show her, "And, this? I was prepared to clobber whoever was breaking into the house. I don't know how I would've managed, but I would've tried. C'mon inside and have some tea, or something. And, shut those lights off, my goodness they have to be the brightest things I've ever seen," I added as I waited for her to turn the lights off and come with me.

"Jeez, bossy much?" she stated before covering her laugh. "I see that hasn't changed, at least."

We sat at the table and caught up for over two hours. She married a police officer, a hot one who was six years older than her, she'd said; three short years before. They had a baby only six weeks ago, who was left with one bottle of pumped milk and if she wasn't home by midnight her husband would have to send the search party out, which he would do if it needed to be done. A baby's feeding time was nothing to mess around with and if he had to, he'd use the entire SWPD to find her. It was already eleven thirty and all we'd talked about was the impending sale of the ranch, the baby, and Eli. She cried when I told her about my teen pregnancy and Eli's father.

"Oh, Ash," she sniffled. "What do you have to do to catch a decent break? And, now the ranch? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Clare Bear. I really don't know. I think I figured some things out earlier; I ran some sale numbers on land, cattle and equipment, but it all depends on a buyer. But, don't worry about it; I'll get it figured out. If there is something I excel at, it's definitely numbers and finding money."

She nodded before placing both hands to her breasts, "Ouch! I'm going to have to go, Ash, but tomorrow, between nap time and dinner, or somewhere in there, I'm going to be back, and I'll bring Sam and I want to meet this little man of yours. Deal?" She stood, stuck out her hand, and I happily took it, shook and pulled her into a big hug. "Careful, you'll get Sam's midnight snack on yourself if you squeeze too hard."

"I'm sorry; I'm so extremely happy to see you and can't wait until tomorrow to meet the little darling." I backed off and we walked hand-in-hand to the back door and outside.

Goodbyes were tough; however, we knew we were getting together in approximately twelve hours. We parted with smiles and promises of exchanging children the next afternoon.

I went inside the house and sat down at the table. I thought of the last time I'd seen Clare, at my parent's funeral, when I broke all ties to this place. I wanted nothing to do with anyone from here. Now, I saw how it wasn't the right thing to do. _But at fourteen, how could I know?_ Of course, it was the right thing to do then, it was the only thing I could do if I wanted to survive.

I drifted back into my memories for the second time that evening.

******

I was cleaning my bedroom and putting my things into my duffel bag when the phone rang. I checked caller ID. _Ugh, it's Clare. She better not cancel on camping. If she can't go, then I can't go._ Those were the rules both our parents agreed upon if we wanted to go. The phone rang a second time _. If I answer it she can back out, but if I let the machine answer it, I can say I never heard the message, right?_ I thought.

Rrrriiiinnnnggggg!

Third ring and the machine picked up. "Hello, you've reached the Bracken residence," Toby's voice said. _I didn't know why we hadn't changed the message on the machine; Toby had gone away to college seven years before. I guess my parent's felt he was still in our house if his voice was on our machine, possibly?_ He continued, "We're not able to get to the telephone right now; leave us a message after the beep and we'll give you a ring back. Bye for now!"

Beeeeep!

I waited anxiously for Clare's voice to say she was bailing on the trip.

"Uh... Ashlee? I don't know where you are right now, but I really need to talk to you. There was an accident on Lone-Star road and May told me that Jewel told her that Sammie's mother was driving by and saw Avery's bike and his dads' truck and well, my mom did some digging and found out they've both been taken to St. Francis Hospital. So, we're on our way to your house to take you there. I really hope you get this message; we'll be in your driveway in about 5 minutes. Bye."

_What?_ I plopped down in the middle of my floor in disbelief. _Avery in an accident? I talked to him two hours ago. He was excited about our evening. I can't believe this is happening._ I ran downstairs, leaving my bag half-packed, slipped on my shoes and wrote a quick note to my parents. They'd left for the country store to pick up last minute menu items for their annual Independence Day barbecue. I still couldn't believe they were letting me do the friend thing this year and not requiring me attend their silly, boring, traditional barbecue. I signed the note the same time Mrs. Watson drove up my long driveway, honking.

I hurried to her car and hopped inside blurting out, "Okay. What do you know?"

Clare looked at me with worried eyes. "All the hospital would tell Mom was, yes, Avery and Mr. Harrison were both brought in as the result of an automobile accident. No status on their injuries or anything else."

"I guess all I can do is cross my fingers, say a prayer and hope they're both all right," I shared my thoughts out loud. Staring out the window the full twenty minutes it took to drive to Wichita, was one of the only things keeping me sane. Clare holding my hand was the other.

Mrs. Watson pulled into the hospital emergency room parking lot and I jumped from the vehicle before she had it in park. Butterflies tumbled in my stomach. _He's okay, he's okay...please God; let him be okay._ I prayed continuously as I charged into the emergency room. My eyes went everywhere all at once, franticly searching for what to do. I noticed the nurses' station and decided it would be a good starting point.

I was asked to take a seat in the waiting room until someone could help me, but I couldn't sit down. I desperately paced the room. Mrs. Watson tried talking to the nurses, but she too, couldn't get any information. After what seemed like hours, I caught a break as one of the nurses spoke loudly to another about the young boy in exam room three. I quietly ambled my way over to the room and silently opened the door.

Avery sat on the bed; his hands in his lap; his face down.

"Avery! Avery! Are you okay? What happened? Clare said you were in an accident and the EMS brought you here. I heard the nurses say your dad is pretty bad off. Is it true?"

Avery glanced my direction with wet eyes and responded hoarsely, "I'm sorry, Ash. I didn't mean for it to happen. I hope you forgive me, but if you can't, I don't blame you." I took a step forward and his green eyes met mine as he continued, "I'm an awful person and I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." His hands covered his face and he sobbed.

I was confused, but advanced anyway. "I... I... Don...don't understand, Ave. What are you sorry for?" I was at his bedside and reached out to take his hand in mine, but he pulled away. Stunned, I looked at the officers and demanded, "What is happening?"

"I'm not sure, those are the first words he's spoken; if you can get him to tell you more, you're doing a better investigating job than me." One of the officers replied.

The door opened, and a nurse stepped into the room. "Oh, there you are, Miss Ashlee. I thought I saw you come in here," she stated before asking, "Do you know Avery Harrison?"

I turned toward the nurse and found Ms. Kline, one of the organists from my church, "Yes, I know Avery. He's my boyfriend and our families have been friends for as long as I can remember. Why?"

Ms. Kline took a moment before answering, "Oh, well... Oh my... Well, why don't you step out here with me a moment. I need to talk to you about something."

I protested, "No. I really want to stay with Avery. He needs me right now, he's in shock and I don't think I should leave him."

Ms. Kline shared a look with the older officer before continuing, "Officer Needles will watch him for you. He'll be fine. I promise."

"Yes, he'll be fine, he's not going anywhere," the officer responded.

"Go Ash," Avery's tired voice said into the stale air.

I tried meeting his eyes, but he refused. "I'll be right back, Ave. Okay? We're going to figure this out as soon as I come back."

I reluctantly left the room, following Ms. Kline through the lobby. Clare and her mother were sitting where I left them. Clare was crying. I glanced over her with a questioning expression, but Ms. Kline ushered me to the Chief of Surgery's office, before Clare saw me. She motioned for me to sit in one of the big leather chairs, so I did.

A moment later, a large man, wearing nice dress pants, a light blue button-up shirt, and a navy tie, stepped into the room from a separate door. A mousy lady in an out-of-date skirt and shirt ensemble followed him. She closed the door behind them. Ms. Kline was still in the room. Worry flooded her face. _What in the world is going on here? Did I do something wrong? I mean, I know I probably wasn't supposed to be in Avery's room, but this is over the top._

The man, graying hair and beard, cleared his throat and inquired, "Are you Ashlee Bracken?"

"Yes," I acknowledged quietly, not sure where he was going with his question.

"Ashlee, I am Dr. Hedge, the Chief of Surgery here at St. Francis and this lady here is Mrs. Blane from the Department for Children & Families. I need to ask you something, Ashlee," he paused. "Do you know where your parents are, right now?"

_What? My Parents?_ I was extremely confused as to why the Chief was asking about my parents, but I decided I'd better answer anyway.

"Yes, they went to the store to pick some things up for their barbecue tonight. Why? What do they have to do with Avery, or his dad, being hurt? My parents would allow me to be here with him, if that's what you are concerned with."

Ms. Kline sniffled as she stood beside my chair. She handed me a tissue and pulled my hand into hers. I wasn't crying; I stared at the tissue for a moment before my attention went back to the chief.

He studied my eyes before speaking again, "No, Ashlee, that's not it at all. I don't know how else to tell you this... Your parents...they were involved in the accident too. Their car was struck before flipping over into the ditch where they died upon impact."

"No, they weren't!" I exclaimed as I bolted from the chair. "They're having a barbecue later. The same boring one they have every Independence Day. They went to the store and they'll be back soon. You can call them. You'll see. You're mistaken." I looked from Ms. Kline to the Chief and back again. It didn't help, Ms. Kline was bawling her eyes out.

The DCF lady, Mrs. Blane, wrote in her notebook while feverishly looking me over.

I stumbled with my thoughts as I sat. _My parents were alive, right? This has to be a huge misunderstanding. My parents would've taken Lone-Star road to the country store in town. Is that the road Clare said the accident was on? Yes. It was Lone-Star road._ I dropped my eyes to my lap, remembering what had been said, and what I knew of my parent's plans for the day. _Could it be the truth?_

The chief and the women in the room were quiet; I suppose they were letting me absorb the information, it felt like ten minutes had passed since the Chief had spoken but in all actuality, it had only been about a minute. I felt tears spring to my eyes. I attempted forcing my eyes open wide, trying to keep the tears from spilling over. _This is not happening; it isn't real. My mother and I baked an apple pie that very day. I rode horses while checking fences with my dad, at first light._

I cracked. Slumping hard into the chair, I covered my face and the tears spilled from my eyes. The Chief, I'm sure not knowing what to do with me, came around his desk and knelt before me.

He let me have a few minutes to grieve before speaking.

"Ashlee, my Dear, I am beyond sorry this has happened. I can't imagine how you must feel right now, but believe me, it is perfectly normal for you to cry. Mrs. Blane is specialized in the area of helping children and teens cope with loss. If you have anything you need help understanding, she's here to help you through this. We will all help you through this."

Stunned, I studied the Chief a moment. _My parents were pretty much all I had, and here he was asking me to cope? Right now? There was not going to be coping. Not for a long time._

I took another tissue, wiped my eyes and stood. All three professionals watched me with perplexed faces.

"I would like to see my parents...and...and, I need to call my brother."

"I... I... I don't know if it is such a good...idea. To see your parents, I mean," the Chief was grasping for words, and they were not presenting themselves easily to the man who was normally at ease with being formal. I could tell he hadn't dealt much with the grief of a teenager who lost both her parents at one time.

As I began to open my mouth and demand I see my parents, Mrs. Blane spoke for me, "Actually, Chief Hedge, it might be helpful for Ashlee to comprehend the circumstances if she could see her parents as soon as possible."

She thought in relative terms. I wouldn't know, or appreciate it, until much later in life, but the DCF lady was my saving grace in the lonesome room. The sooner I saw my parent's bodies, the sooner I'd be able to have closure.

"Well, if you insist it will help, then I don't have any qualms with it. Let me call downstairs and have them ready to be viewed," the Chief replied.

I could tell he was uneasy about the entire situation. Obviously, he hadn't lost a loved one, because, the only thing I wanted to do was see my parents. I needed physical proof of this nightmare.

Chief Hedge called somebody in the morgue, then hung up. He stood and opened the doors which lead the way to the elevator. Mrs. Blane asked for my brothers' telephone number, whom she called on our way to the basement elevator. I could hear Toby freaking out. Not crying; but really freaking out. He asked about me and upon finding out I was nearby, demanded to speak with me. I shook my head no in response. As I followed the Chief out of the elevator and down the long corridor I heard Mrs. Blane tell him I refused to speak and not to worry about it, it was typical behavior of a fourteen-year-old, in shock.

We stepped inside a cold room which seemed to be completely white and flooded with light. Two gurneys lay side-by-side with sheets over bodies. A morgue employee stood nearby. His name tag read Richie. Richie had dark hair. It was dark as night and the exact same as his eye color. I felt weird noticing the small things on my journey to meet the lifeless bodies of my parents, but at the same time, it felt natural. Everything seemed to pop out at me, screaming to be noticed. The titanium knobs on the morgue drawers, the fluorescent lights twinkling erratically over my head, even the gleam of the newly polished linoleum floor drew my attention. A shiver ran up my spine bringing my attention back to the task at hand.

My gaze returned to Richie. He wore the normal morgue attire: white lab coat over blue hospital scrubs, white booties covering his converse and powder blue latex gloves on his hands. He watched as we filed in; glancing my way but quickly changing the direction of his attention to the Chief.

"Chief," he acknowledged. The Chief nodded in response. Richie then moved across the room to the two bodies and gently peeled the sheet back, revealing my father's face.

I gasped. Upstairs, I was beginning to absorb the horrible story I was being told, but I hadn't let myself truly believe it _. I hugged my father this morning when we finished the feedings,_ I thought. He looked the same. Well, maybe a little less color, but still he didn't look mangled at all.

I collected myself and opened my mouth to speak, "How... Um... How did he die?"

Everyone in the room turned collectively toward me, in shock.

Richie glanced from my father's body to the Chief and back to me. "He was...he was, severely injured, internally," he managed to say. "He died upon impact; there would've been no suffering."

I nodded, and my eyes went to the second body in the room.

Richie followed my eyes to my mother. He pulled the sheet back on her, this time it was Ms. Kline who gasped. All eyes in the room went to her, except mine. Mine, remained on my mother. She looked worse than my father. I could tell her face was injured in the accident. It was cut deep. She'd been cleaned up, but when there's a gash through a face from the forehead to the chin, you can't miss it.

"And, my mother?" I urged bravely.

"Your Mother's death was also caused by internal bleeding. Although, you can see she received a laceration on her face, she too, didn't suffer. I cleaned her up the best I could before the medical examiner takes over for the final examination. I'm sorry for your losses, Miss Bracken," he apologized as he lowered his eyes to the floor.

I felt like I was going to hurl, but I managed to keep it together. I took a step closer to my mother and then another. The Chief reached out in protest of my motion, but Mrs. Blane grabbed his arm, restraining him.

"Let her," she whispered.

I stood beside my mother's lifeless body. She appeared okay. I thought she would look, well, dead. But, she didn't. She seemed as if she were merely sleeping. I reached out and touched her hand. It didn't feel warm, like her normal temperature, but it wasn't ice cold either. Her skin was soft. I don't know what I thought it would feel like, but it wasn't what I expected.

"Oh, Mom..." I whispered. "Why? I don't know why you had to leave me? I need you so much, right now." I didn't cry; anger outweighed the sadness I felt in the moment.

"Take all the time you need, Ashlee," Mrs. Blane encouraged, behind me.

I wished she'd stop talking, and wanted to tell her as much, but I didn't acknowledge her. Instead, I turned my attention on my dad and touched his hand too.

"And you," I accused. "You were teaching me to take care of the stable. Who is going to do that now? The horses will be lost without you, Daddy."

Grievance is odd when your blood simmers at the same time. It was difficult, picturing my life without my parents. _Where would I go? Who will take care of the horses? Why did God need my parents right now? I felt I needed them more than He should. Was I angry at God Himself for this?_

I lowered my lips toward my Dad and placed a light kiss on his forehead. I did the same to my Mother. Despite the chemical aroma of the room I still caught a hint of my parent's scents. I closed my eyes and prayed over their lifeless bodies a moment.

When I finished, I held my head up and simply uttered, "Goodbye, I love you both." I turned and walked out of the room.

Mrs. Blane had tears streaming down her face and Chief Hedge's jaw hung open. I didn't care; I was furious.

One week later, I started my life without my parents or friends, in California.

******

Even though the memory of that day was pushed to the back of my mind all these years, I still found it seemingly fresh.

I stood from the table, cleaned the tea cups, and locked the back door. I checked on Eli one more time before turning myself in once again for sleep. It took me a long while to shake the memories from the top of my head before I could rest, but once sleep finally found me, I slept all night without moving a muscle or waking from any dreams.

### Chapter 7 ~ Ashlee

The next morning went quickly. I spoke with Frank about selling some of the land and he let me know we'd have to sell off half the cattle too. I wasn't happy about that piece of information. I was hoping the ranch could run the herd on the remaining five-hundred acres of cattle land. But if we did sell, on paper it appeared to be roughly one-hundred thousand in profits which could be absorbed back into the ranch. Over time, with good profits from foaling, and the sale of beef, the ranch could grow again. What hurt the most was the sale of the land. My great-grandfather's land. _How could I let it go? Even if Toby, or myself, never planned on living here and ranching, it belonged in the family, right?_ My stomach turned somersaults.

Late in the afternoon, as promised, Clare pulled up in her shiny little red car. I oohed and awed over Sam, who turned out to be Samantha and a beautiful, dark-skinned, baby girl. Clare was duly impressed with how handsome Eli was. After we shared the homemade chocolate chip cookies I baked that morning, along with fresh brewed iced tea, Eli asked if he could be excused to help Frank or play with the dogs. I thanked him for being patient and meeting my friend and her baby. He surprised me by turning toward Clare and letting her know it was nice to meet her.

"Hey, stop right there, Bud," I demanded.

He froze before turning and facing me.

"When did you become so grown up?"

"I'm not grown up, Mom. I'm eight," he kissed my forehead exactly as I often do for him and ran to the door to play.

"He's protective of you, Ash," Clare commented after the door closed. "He knows about your parents?"

"Yes," I replied quietly. "And, also his father; unfortunately, he knows way too much pain for a kid his age."

"Well, I don't think he really knows the pain, but he knows that you are pained. After all, he never knew any of those people. He can't actually mourn someone he didn't know, can he?" she questioned as she peered at me from under her massive wavy hair while Sam started to fuss in her lap. Clare had always been beautiful. With her olive coloring, dark-auburn hair, and green eyes, it was a combination to die for. As an adult, she'd blossomed into a more intriguing creature. I knew in my mind, she had people staring on the streets when she happened by.

"I suppose not, Clare Bear. And, what are you? A Psychologist? Therapist?" I asked jokingly.

I wasn't at all prepared for her answer, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am; the only one in town too, by the way."

"What? You're serious?" I asked, astonished. "Well, I guess we haven't gotten around to talking about our careers, or schooling, have we? Tell me all about yourself after high school graduation, and if you need to feed Sam, go ahead, I nursed Eli until he was a year old; I'm not offended by women nursing."

"Okay. Don't mind if I do," she replied as she unbuttoned her nursing top and began feeding her daughter. She told me all about her years from graduation until the present. She'd attended the University of Kansas on an academic scholarship, was an honor student with a 4.0 grade point average. This didn't surprise me one bit. The Clare I knew before I moved away was a brain, so why wouldn't she still be while I lived far away?

Her scholarship covered everything in her first four years except her meal card and some books. Her parents picked up the tab on those items. She didn't work while studying for her degree, per her parent's request, but she came home over the summers and worked at Bob's Diner. All the money she made in tips helped her get by until she would run out around spring break. Then, her parents would help her out until the summer again. After graduating with a Bachelor of Science degree, she enrolled in the Psychology Graduate program at Washburn. This time, she wouldn't let her parent's help her; she took a job as a student counselor with a private school in Topeka during the day and busted her butt at night with her classes. It took two years to finish her master's, but she did it and her parents couldn't be prouder.

After graduation, she debated staying in Topeka, but then her father fell off scaffolding on one of his job sites, her mother struggled to care for him alone. Her father was a teacher by trade, but in the summer, he picked up work doing painting jobs. She made the decision to move home; putting her career on hold for what she thought would be a few short months. Little did she know, it would take an entire year to rehabilitate her father's legs. When the time came, she decided it was time to put her degree to work. She rented a small shop on Main Street and opened for business. The only problem was, no one in Southwind seemed to need counseling. For two months, she sat in her office and waited for someone to need her.

"It was the most boring two months of my life, Ash. Not one customer," she recounted as I took the happily fed and burped Sam from her, cuddling her in my arms.

"So, what did you do?"

"Well, I didn't do anything; God did," Clare answered. "And, since that day, my life has never been the same."

She continued, telling me about a bank robbery in Pittsburg, Kansas, which had State Troopers chasing the fugitives through the state.

"They escaped to North of Southwind; the local police knew they were headed this way and were prepared with stop sticks across the road. Well, the vehicle hit the spikes and careened off the road where the guys escaped on foot. The officers chased them to an abandoned barn on the old Casper property. It was a standoff between them and the Southwind police department which consisted of exactly five officers plus the state troopers who were still in pursuit.

"The standoff lasted throughout the day, night, and next day. Around ten in the evening, the second day, the troopers said they were going to throw tear gas in the barn and go in. While they were working out the details, they sent Officer Braun, of the local police, around the back of the barn to report back their location and activity. One of the fugitives saw him and drew his weapon. Officer Braun got off a shot, but one suspect shot back at him. After the shots were heard, the troopers threw the gas and were able to get to the two robbery suspects who were still standing.

"Officer Braun was hit in the stomach and they weren't sure if he'd make it, but after a couple of surgeries, and an outpouring of prayers from the community, he pulled through. The fugitive the officer shot, died on the scene. The other two were taken to county jail, then on to prison to await trial. They were both found guilty of several crimes throughout the state and are serving time in the state penitentiary in Leavenworth."

"Holy cow, Clare!" I exclaimed. "That's unreal; it doesn't answer the question of what happened with your business, but it's incredible."

"Oh," she laughed. "I guess I left that part out. When Officer Braun was released from the hospital, the department wanted him to be professionally evaluated before returning to work; I was the only professional around. My professional opinion found him needing more time and sessions before returning; once I did release him, people started to ask me about my business and what I could do for them. A few of the churches in town use me for pre-marriage and couples counseling, I do the crisis counseling for the high school and then I have a few clients who I think are completely fine but still come and talk to me for an hour every week, or so."

"That's great. So, it took a busted bank robbery to create your business. That part is not so good, but at least the officer was better and was able to work again."

"Yes, well it turns out that a few months after our sessions ended, and he was quote-unquote normal again, he kept coming back saying he needed to see me. He wasn't sure what it was, but he couldn't sleep at night because he needed to talk to me. I informed him it was probably PTSD and we should continue sessions even though he was released to work. He told me I wasn't understanding him, it was me he needed to see. And, if I was a good therapist I would recommend that he ask me out on a date," she giggled. "I told him I couldn't date a patient. He replied with, _Fine, you're fired. Now, will you have dinner with me?_ "

"And... You said yes?" I eagerly asked.

"Well, yes and no. First, I said I needed time to think about it. I didn't want to ruin my business, or my reputation, because I found him extremely attractive, interesting, and intelligent. Did I mention, extremely attractive?" she laughed. "I thought about it, talked to the police chief about it, and thought some more, before my father said, _Sweetie, will you have dinner with him already? The man is dying every day you don't give him an answer._ I said yes, the next day and the rest is history. We married three years ago and now we have Sam. I couldn't be happier."

"Officer Braun..." I tested out the name. "Why do I know that name?"

"Probably because he pulled you over for speeding the other day," she replied. "I heard it from him when he came home yesterday from working the night shift. I'd finished telling him you were in town as I heard it from Chloe. He wanted to be the one to tell me because he worried how I would react, but he'd been busy all night at work. He said you were going fifteen over! Is that how they drive in California?"

"Nah, well... Maybe, some people. But, not me. I was unknowingly speeding past the bakery." I gave Sam a little squeeze as she yawned and stretched one arm out of her swaddling. "My goodness she's gorgeous. Her daddy is Native American, right?"

"He is. His great grandfather was from the Kaw tribe but because he married outside the Kaw Nation his grandmother is not complete native. However, she married a Kaw. Blacko does have quite a bit of native blood. As does our little Sammy."

"Blacko, huh? Boy they sure didn't help a kid out much, did they?"

"Well, his true Kanza name is Ak'oda, but ever since he was a little boy they've called him Blacko, and no, the name sure didn't do him any favors. He received a lot of _Flacko_ from his fellow academy officers," she laughed. "Actually, he takes pride in his name. He was named for his grandfather whose name was also Ak'oda. Usually, we visit the reservation for celebrations and such. At first, he was nervous about me meeting his Native family, but they all loved me right away, welcomed me into their family. They even went as far as to say if things didn't work out between Blacko and me, I was welcome back, but Blacko was not. Samantha was christened in the church last week, but we're having her Kaw ceremony the Monday after this coming one. The elder tribe members will give her a Kanza name; she'll still go by Sam legally, but it's tradition to be named by the elders. Will you still be here? In Southwind? I'd love for you to be a part of the ceremony, if you're here."

"I... Uh... I might be." I stammered. "I'd love to be present at the ceremony. I mean, I hope I can figure the mess out around this place before then, but even if I can't, you can count on me. I don't plan on falling out of friendship with you again, Clare Bear. And, I'm truly sorry I did in the first place. Will you ever forgive me?"

"Are you kidding, Ash? I could never really hate you. Besides, you know all the embarrassing secrets from my childhood. I'm so beyond happy to have you back. Hey, why don't you and Eli come for dinner tomorrow night? You can formally meet Officer Braun."

"That sounds great. What should I bring?"

Clare tilted her head and smiled at me. I knew exactly what she was asking and returned the smile.

"No problem, apple pie it is. It's been a while since I've made one, I usually only bake them for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but for you, I'll do it."

We parted after another half hour of gabbing over people from our class and where they were now. I was thankful Avery wasn't brought up; I didn't want to know what became of him. _The low-life probably went straight from juvenile detention to prison,_ I thought.

It was dinner time. I'd prepped hamburger steaks in the morning; I went to work dressing them up before calling Lannie over for dinner, along with Frank and Eli. As it turned out, Eli spent his entire afternoon feeding the horses, mucking a few stalls, then swinging on the tire swing. Frank checked on him from time-to-time; Eli asked if there were any fish in the lake. The next time Frank came back, he brought two fishing poles. They didn't catch anything but saw two snapping turtles, and a snake. Frank said the fish were probably on the other side of the lake, near the dock, because they like it over there. He promised to take Eli on another day, probably Sunday afternoon, if that worked for us. Eli met me with pleading eyes. Of course, I couldn't turn him down. He almost jumped out of his chair celebrating; he was one-thousand percent sure they'd catch some fish on Sunday.

We ate the rest of dinner with minimal conversation. I could tell Frank and Lannie had questions for me, but I didn't have answers, so it wasn't discussed. After dinner, Lannie pulled another batch of homemade ice cream out of the freezer and mentioned it was a rare, cool, June evening and we should enjoy our dessert on the front porch. We all agreed and took our bowls out front where Lannie sat with Eli on the porch swing and Frank and I sat in the wicker chairs opposite the swing.

"Penny for your thoughts, Frank?" I asked, knowing full well he was thinking over the information I'd told him that morning about selling five-hundred acres or selling cattle.

"Do you really think we could make it work by selling the land? We'd have to sell half the cattle for sure. Five-hundred acres isn't enough for a hundred and sixty head of cattle... At least, I don't think it is. I'd have to talk with Ryan to figure out for sure. Have you met Ryan?" Frank glanced at me. "No, you wouldn't have, would you? Well, Ryan is the cattle manager. He came to us a couple of years ago from Wyoming. He's been in the cattle business since he was walking. He's good," he nudged my arm and chuckled. "And single, I believe."

"Oh goodness, don't you start this business of setting me up on dates; Toby and Jenna do it all the time back home. So far, their success rate is zero," I definitely didn't find this subject matter funny. _The last thing I needed was a man coming around. I'm sure he'd be telling me how I needed to sell, or not sell, or whatever he thought. He'd probably think I couldn't do anything myself. No, no men for me right now._

"Just pointing out a fact; you can do as you like with the information," he smiled his devious smile he'd always used on my mother.

"I suppose I should meet with him. He's going to have whatever answer is needed on the cattle. You think he'll be around tomorrow?"

"Yep, I should see him about six in the morning; you want me to send him right away?"

"Oh, goodness no, I plan on still being in my pajamas, asleep. Send him around eight, that way I can at least have a couple cups of coffee in my system. Hopefully, I'll be alert enough to listen to his mumbo jumbo about cattle... Which, I'll totally not understand. I don't know how you can talk about horses to me all day and I can comprehend every detail, but when it comes to cattle I have no clue."

"You and me both kiddo, you and me both."

We both laughed at that.

Later that night, after Eli was all tucked in, I sat on my bed with my laptop trying to learn all I could about Black Angus, and what it took to care for them. I fell asleep, sitting up, with my laptop still open.

### Chapter 8 ~ Ashlee

At eight o'clock on the dot, I heard a knock on the office door. Eli was already in the barn with Frank. I'd been up for an hour, getting the office ready to welcome an employee.

"C'mon in Mr. Payne; sorry about the mess; I've been spending some time getting everything in order," I explained as I finished putting some papers away in a filing cabinet behind the desk. "I hope you..." I started to say as I turned to face the cattle manager, but my words left my brain when I saw him. _Holy mother of God Himself, he was drop dead gorgeous._ He stood in the doorway; the entire doorway. Meaning, he took up every inch of the small opening between rooms. His shoulders filled out his grey V-neck tee shirt which didn't do well hiding the bulge of arm muscle beneath. And, his abs... My goodness, I could see the outline of each-and-every abdomen muscle through the fabric of the shirt. He was tan and his jeans a faded dark wash with an accidental tear here and there. He had on boots and his feet were huge. I was sure I appeared a fool gawking at him. I wasn't about to meet his eyes.

"Miss Bracken," he coolly questioned. He stepped into the room and held his hand out for me to take. "I'm pleased to meet you."

I had to meet his eyes; it wouldn't be businesslike to _not_ meet his eyes, but oh how I didn't want to. I bit the bullet and raised my eyes to his face. His gorgeous face, round eyes the color of rich milk chocolate, a chiseled sharp chin, a smile which reached his eyes, and a tan to die for.

I pushed my hand forward and choked my words out, "It's nice to meet you as well, Mr. Payne. Please, take a seat."

"Yes, Ma'am. You were saying before, _I hope you_... I'm not sure I heard your entire sentence, Miss Bracken," he questioned.

"Oh... Oh yes," I had to think what in the world I was saying before I lost every thought in my brain with a look at the Greek God before me. "Um... I was saying, I hope you like coffee because that's all I have made this morning. Will it do?"

"Coffee is perfect, thank you, Ma'am."

I was grateful I could turn away from the gorgeous man and pour two cups of coffee at the side table; it gave me a moment to pull myself together. _What was wrong with me? I don't normally drool over people; actually, I don't drool period. Get it together, Ashlee Bracken. This is business, you can do this. Inhale...exhale...okay, you've got this._ I turned back around with a smile and handed him the coffee as I sat down with my own mug.

"Thank you for meeting with me this morning, Mr. Payne," I managed.

He held up a large calloused hand. "Please, Ma'am, call me Ryan."

"Thank you, and please, call me Ashlee, not Ma'am."

"I'll try, but I have to warn you, I was raised to respect people higher than me in position; that includes, women and bosses, which you happen to be both," he laughed, "Now where would you like to start with the cattle business? I can report numbers and sales over the past couple of years, but... Before I was hired, I'm afraid I don't have anything."

He opened his canvas bag and pulled out a four-inch three-ring binder with words and numbers on every sheet. I felt dizzy. If I was going to make it through this, I was going to have to be honest with the heartthrob.

"I'm going to be brutally honest here, Ryan. I know absolutely nothing about cattle. Horses are my thing. My father knew cattle, so he was able to do the complete ranch thing, but I never learned the cattle side of it. I know what _Google_ tells me; a Black Angus is worth roughly $3300, and it takes approximately 6 acres per head of cattle when relying on grass feed only. We are a grass fed only ranch and have about one hundred and sixty head using up a thousand acres. Truth be told, I'm thinking of selling off five hundred acres. In-order-to do that, I'd have to sell half the cattle too," I watched his expression go from intent listening to slight frown. "Of course, I haven't looked for a buyer or anything. I have about 7 weeks left, before the ranch goes to auction, to fix this mess. If you have any suggestions on how to go another route, I'd love to hear them."

"Well, I'm not great at finances, but you have the math right on the cattle. I can't run the current cattle on five hundred acres, that's for sure," he stated. "You're sure you'd have to sell half the cattle land? What about the horse pastures?"

"Ryan, I'm sorry, but I know horses. Not cattle. And... The acreage I would sell is on the backside of the land. That's cattle land. I'm sorry this in your department and not Franks, but it is as it goes," I replied coolly.

His delicious eyes watched me intently for a moment before he nodded, "I understand, but if you'd give me a chance to educate you on the beef side, maybe you'll change your mind. There is a lot of money to be had in the industry. Would you take a tour of the property with me and let me show you a few things? I promise not to take up more than a couple hours of your time."

I sat back in my chair and thought about it. Smiling, I replied, "I suppose a couple hours of fresh air would do me some good."

"Good. I'll saddle the horses for us. You want Sunny, right? I heard she's your mare."

"No!" I practically screamed then carefully cleared my throat, "I mean, no thank you, I don't want to ride today, we'll take the Gator."

"Uh... Okay, I suppose that'll work too. Are you sure you don't want to ride? It's a beautiful day for it," he asked again.

"No, the Gator will be fine."

"Okay, Ma'am," he said. I gave him a frown and he corrected, "Ashlee. Sorry, it's hard to break habits in a woman's presence."

"All right, let's go on a field trip, Ryan." We both stood, and I walked through the door after his gesture of me leading the way.

Outside, I peeked in on Eli, who was hovering over the mama cat and her kittens; then, we hopped on the Gator and headed for the back thousand. The back thousand was what my great-grandfather named it when he laid out the fencing between the horse and the cattle pastures. I loved saying it as I was growing up because it sounded ritzy. Now? It depressed me. I may have to sell some of the back thousand.

We rode in silence a few minutes before I began pointing out things which were different from when I grew up on the ranch. Some new trees had been planted, creating a downwind draft on the west side of the lake. The lake, which was over sixteen acres of the property itself, ran behind the main house to the west of the three horse barns. I noticed a boat ramp on the south side along with a new wooden cabana and benches. I wondered whose idea it was to build the new dock; it didn't seem like something Frank would do. _Maybe Ryan put it in?_ I shrugged my shoulders in wonderment; whoever constructed it, had done a beautiful job. I could tell it had wood beams on the underside of the roof and carved benches. We weren't close enough to see what was carved into them, but whatever it was, they were beautiful from a distance.

"That's nice," I remarked as I pointed it out. "Did you do that?"

"The shelter and benches on the dock? No. It was here when I arrived. I think it's been here a few years now, at least I remember someone explaining it to me when I came on," he replied. "It's good work; I've sat there and fished many times. Nice shade and a quiet place to escape when you want to be alone."

"Hmm... I guess I'll have to ask Frank about it. You're right; somebody is incredibly talented."

We moved on, approaching the road running between the horse and cattle ranch. The first thing upon us was a decent sized pond within the fences of the cattle pen. Around twenty to thirty heifers were wading in the shallow of the water. We pulled up alongside the grassy shore and stopped for a few minutes. They gave us notice but went right on wading and enjoying themselves. Ryan spent some time explaining the needs of Black Angus and what grass was planted for feed. I tried to listen, I really did, but it was honestly more information than I wanted to remember.

We motored on to the heifer pens and the adjoining birthing barn. One thing I could probably understand was birthing. I watched and helped birth almost every horse, we had on the ranch, from the time I was five years old until I moved away. We parked the Gator and he lead the way inside the birthing barn. There were twenty-five birthing stalls in the barn. At the time, seven were occupied. Two Heifers were already new mothers and nestled with their newborns under low lighting. Music was piped through a surround sound system.

"Mozart?" I inquired.

"Yep, along with Beethoven, Bach, and some other ancient men; studies have shown it calms the mamas the same as if a woman was giving birth," he replied.

"Well, I don't know what most women want in childbirth; all I know is that I wanted an epidural before we even made it to the hospital," I laughed.

"Back at the house, I didn't realize that boy was your son, he's dark haired and you're blonde. I thought maybe you were talking to one of Frank's grandchildren. How old is he?"

"Eli? He's eight. And, he takes after his father in the looks department," I answered. "He loves every single animal on this ranch and wants to take them all home to California with us."

"Eight! My goodness, Ma'am! You must've been about thirteen when you gave birth."

"Ashlee. Remember? And no, not quite that young. Eighteen. Still pretty young to be having a kid if you ask me, but at least I had my brother and his wife to help me through it and now... Well, he's the love of my life."

"I'll bet," he walked toward an occupied stall, I followed. "So... His father... is he...back in California?"

I stopped a few feet away and exhaled audibly, "He's not alive."

Ryan turned toward me quickly. His eyes searched my face before he spoke, "Oh... I'm sorry, Ashlee. I... I didn't mean to be intrusive. I'm deeply sorry. You're so young; I would've never thought you to be a mother, let alone a widow. I hope you will accept my apology. I am truly sorry."

I waved a hand at the notion, "It's all right, Ryan. He passed away quite a long time ago. Eli never knew him, so it's not a huge deal with us. He knows he looks exactly like his father, though. And, he's seen pictures of him. His fathers' parents are alive and well; he visits with them often."

Ryan took a step toward me, pushing a wild hair from my eyes. "Forgive me for being out of line, but back at the house, when I first saw you, I thought you were beautiful... But, motherhood makes you all-the-more-so."

I laughed. Watched him watching me, and then laughed some more. "That has to be the lamest come-on line I've ever heard. Me? Beautiful? And, beautiful because I'm a mom, as well? That's funny stuff, right there. Are you sure you're in the right business? I mean, maybe you should think of taking your show on the road."

"I was being serious. I think mothers are beautiful. And, you're young. When Frank told the ranch employees you were coming here to try and save the ranch, I pictured someone forty, graying, and frumpy. Not somebody as young, and pretty, as you. I figured the first thing you'd do was can all the staff and save the pay. Then you'd sell the livestock, keeping about four horses and Frank. I'm surprised to hear you're thinking of selling off a fourth of the land. If I were you, I'd do whatever I could to keep the land; it's worth more now, and tomorrow, than a few ranch hands and a hundred cattle will ever be worth, there, you have my two cents."

I watched as his animations grew as he attempted explaining.

"And, I'm not feeding you a line. I really do find you attractive. And, I think all your decision-making power is kind of making me light headed, right now. Mind if I sit down a few minutes?"

I laughed again and followed him over to a bench between birthing suites.

"You really thought I would fire everyone?"

We sat side-by-side on the narrow bench with our knees almost touching.

He nodded.

"Well... I have something to admit. I had some time to think on the two day drive out here, and... And, all I could think of...was selling. I planned on cleaning the place up and auctioning it off because I wanted nothing to do with it. I moved away when I was fourteen...when both my parents were killed in a drunken driving accident. There are too many bitter-sweet memories here for me. However, I didn't expect my son to fall in love with everything here, animal and person. After one day on the ranch, his spirit came alive. I mean, he came out of his shell and started acting alive again," I clarified. "I've always been a girl on a mission. My father used to call me that. Everything I've ever done I've either gone at it horns-a-blazing, or not at all. I want Eli to feel that. He's shy. He acts as if he has to protect me from people because I'm alone. But... I keep telling him I'm not alone, I have him, my brother and his family, plus a handful of friends in California."

I closed my eyes and dropped my head toward my lap, where my hands were clasped. Ryan reached over and took one of my hands in his own; he caressed my knuckles.

"You don't have to be strong for your son to know you love him. I guarantee he doesn't doubt your love. Also, you don't have to save the ranch for everyone here to know you care. And... For the third time, I really do find you beautiful...say yes to dancing with me this Saturday."

I met his eyes in shock. Here I was, pouring out my thoughts and fears over losing the ranch versus keeping it alive for my son's sake. And, here he was, using the moment to get a date.

He smiled as my thoughts ran. Genuinely smiled. The smile was contagious.

I caved.

"Oh really? Like a date? I haven't been on a date in a few months. Not since the last time my brothers' wife set me up with a college professor of biology. I had to hear about plant life from appetizer until dessert. And, then... Then, he had the nerve to try and kiss me goodnight."

"Try? I take it he didn't succeed?"

"Oh no... He most definitely did not. I was getting into my Jeep at the restaurant, he came around and put his arm on the cage and leaned in like he was going to kiss me. Meanwhile, I saw it coming a mile away and started the Jeep. When he leaned in, I pulled out into traffic. Not only did I bump his head on the roll cage, but I also ran over his foot with my back tire. My sister-in-law, Jenna, was horrified and hasn't tried to set me up since. My brother, however, gave me a low-five behind her back," I smiled. "You don't have to worry about me decking you or anything, unless you talk about biology of any kind."

"So, is that a yes?" he asked, hands in prayer.

"Yes, I believe it is," I pushed his hands down and laughed. "No need to pray about it, this place is making me do things I'd never do at home. Maybe I'm coming out of my shell here too. And... Besides, I find you mildly attractive as well."

"Only mildly?" he laughed. I shot him a _so you think you're cocky look_ and he added, "I'm teasing, and glad you said yes; how about I pick you up at eight and we'll go to Rose's Barn for some dancing? Sound okay? Unless, you'd rather get something to eat. However, I find with most first dates, women don't want to eat, and the meal is wasted."

"You know, you're an extremely intelligent man, Ryan. Now, what else is there for me to see on the cattle side of things?"

"A lot more, c'mon, let's go check it out," he replied as he grabbed my hand. We walked together toward the doors, and the Gator.

We spent another hour touring the property and pastures. He showed me the boarding pens and transport trucks for sales, explaining how he and another couple of ranch-hands go once a month to the stockade to sell off beef. He also showed me the bull pen. Currently, we housed six bulls, each in their own pens and ready to do their duty when a heifer was brought up. I closed my eyes at the thought, making a point of pushing the notion of sex to the back of my brain. For the past nine years, I shared my fair share of kisses, and even attempted getting a little frisky with clothes on during one date, but that was it. I was too afraid to commit to someone. I feared they'd either leave me, die, or not love my son.

Ryan returned me to the house and we parted ways with a promise of Saturday night. _Wow_ , I thought. _My social calendar is filling up lately. I had dinner every night with Frank, Lannie, and Eli. I had a dinner date tomorrow night with Clare, and her family. Then, Saturday night, I was seeing Ryan. Busy, busy, busy._

I walked into the barn hoping to check on Eli only to find out he was down at the swing. On my way to him, I saw a pick-up truck pull up to the house in the bottom of the hill. Avery's old house. A man in a baseball cap, tee shirt, and jeans got out and carried bags into the house. _Looks like someone did buy it after all,_ I thought.

I crept behind Eli and gave his swing a great big push, "Gotcha, Buddy."

"Mom," he greeted. "I saw you come back on the Gator and go into the barn. And, I heard you moving through the grass about twenty steps ago. You're not quiet when you sneak up on people."

"Well, bummer, I thought I was being pretty sneaky," I walked around him and leaned on the tree and inquired, "Are you having a good day out here?"

"Yeah, Frank took me over to see the goats and I even got to feed them. Goats are pretty weird looking, don't you think?"

"Hmm... I've never thought about the way they look; I did think about them eating whatever I gave them. One time I gave them one of Toby's old shoes and they fought over the smelly thing."

"Ew... Uncle Toby's shoes? Those smell disgusting," he exclaimed. "We fed them some of the older apples from the horse bin. Frank said they would think it was a treat."

"Yep," I nodded. "Sounds about right. Listen, I have more work in the office and I'm going to make some sandwiches for lunch for you hardworking boys. Why don't you swing a bit more before coming on up to the house for lunch? Don't forget to get Frank on your way though, okay?"

"Got it, Mom."

Back at the house, I did as I said, then retreated to the office with my iced tea and PB&J. I ran the numbers again. _How could I save the land and the jobs,_ I wondered? I wanted to do both, but I couldn't see it as a possibility. I thought about calling a friend and colleague from California, getting his input, but since he worked for the company that let me go, I didn't think it was right to call him while at work. Instead, I emailed him, so he could get back at me when he was home.

Around three o'clock, I went looking for Eli again. This time, I found him in the barn with Frank; they were attaching a harness and lead rope to a foal.

"She's a bit young to ride, don't ya think?" I asked.

"We're not going to ride her; we're going to lead her. Frank says it's time for her to learn she isn't in charge. He says it's kind of like when you give me a time-out for being bossy."

"And... I bet you're dying for the chance to oversee someone, or something, aren't you?" I guessed.

"You guessed right." he replied as he disappeared into the training ring with Frank.

I turned around as something head-butted my shoulder. Exactly as I figured, it was Sunny. She neighed at me before stomping her hoof into the dirt.

"Hey, girl. Fine, I'll get you an apple," I reached into the bin and pulled out a nice red one. She neighed again and stomped again. "Okay. Okay, Sunny. Here it is." Handing it over, I continued talking, "You know girl, you could learn to have some patience; no need being greedy or whiny about it." I rubbed her nose band and scratched behind her ears. She was smooth and her dark-brown coat shiny under my hands. I had a sudden urge to saddle her up, but shook it off and headed for the house instead.

After dinner, Eli and I went to the grocery store and bought the ingredients I needed for the apple pie. I didn't get pulled over and I didn't run into anyone I knew from my childhood. I considered it a successful trip. Our day had been entirely full of many new, and some old for me, things. The two of us slept soundly through the night.

The next day I got started on the pie making right after breakfast. Frank told me he was planning on going to the horse show in Tulsa, Oklahoma on the upcoming Monday. Lannie would be going with him as well as four of the barrel trainers. They were looking to promote two of the 2-year-old geldings and four of the 3-year-old fillies, for purchase. With seven new foals this past Spring, they needed to move horses. Regardless of what went on with the ranch, business needed to continue as normal until decisions were made, and I agreed.

He threw me off when he asked if Eli could come along with them. I wasn't sure how I felt about letting Eli out of my sight for an entire day, but I knew he'd love the time with Frank and the horses. In the end, I caved, but only as-long-as Eli could come over on Saturday evening and hang out while I went on my date with Ryan.

"Of course, he can stay with us, as a matter-of-fact Lannie was going to have me ask if he could stay the night with us Saturday because our two grandsons will be staying with us and they want to camp-out" he explained. He turned his head and looked me straight in the eyes and inquired, "You know what you're doing with Ryan?" He didn't blink, but continued, "I mean, do you need me to have a talk with him about keeping his hands to himself? I know I told you he was single, but I was just poking at you about it. I wouldn't know, but I've heard he's somewhat of a playboy."

"Really? Ryan, a playboy?" I laughed. "Nah, Frank, I'll be fine with him, especially after I told him how my last date ended with the guy receiving a concussion and broken foot courtesy of me and my Jeep."

At that, Frank laughed. "Well, all right then, if you need me to step in, say the word."

I told Frank there was an extra pie made and sitting on the counter-top for him and Lannie, but he needed to let it cool all day or it would be ruined.

Eli again spent the day in the horse barn with the kittens, dogs, and horses. He was excited when he learned he'd get to watch the trainers run the horses through the barrels. I heard about it all at lunch, and as soon as he finished his sandwich he was going to swing for a while. He disappeared while still chewing his last bite. Frank exited soon after and I was left with nothing to do. I decided on reading a few chapters of a romance novel I found on a shelf in one of the downstairs bedrooms. I fell asleep within the hour.

### Chapter 9 ~ Avery

It didn't matter what Avery did, or attempted to do, trying to take his mind off Ashlee. Nothing seemed to work. The day after he rummaged through her Jeep, he spent hammering away all morning at his job site. Literally, he hammered all morning. His crew steered clear of him after the third time he barked orders angrily. He wasn't normally the demanding type. He prided himself on hiring the best crew in the business, so he didn't have to bark, scold, or reprimand employees. But, right now, he was in a mood.

He simply couldn't get her out of his mind. Turning his radio up, he delved deep into the precision of the altar piece he was constructing for the Lutheran church. His crew wisely avoided him by taking their projects to the front lawn. Most were securing church pews he'd recently refinished. A few were sanding, painting, and sanding again on a twelve-foot center aisle cross. He knew he should lighten up with the crew, but he didn't know how to do his work, be nice to his men, and forget Ashlee all at the same time.

Around noon one of the men ventured in, inquiring if he'd like lunch. The volunteer was Rat. Avery found it fitting, him being the guinea pig, with a name like Rat. He was a young man from a small Missouri town who received his nickname, courtesy of his siblings, when he was a teen. He preferred sleeping in the barn with the rats rather than the two-bedroom farm house his family owned. Avery didn't blame him; Rat had nine brothers and sisters. The boys often slept outside in the summer and on the floor by the fire in the colder months. It was too crowded for Rat, so he found himself a place in the barn. His real name, Avery learned upon hiring him, was James Reynolds. Rat was a decent sized boy for his nineteen years. His eyes, hair, and skin were all dark brown in color. If Avery didn't know he was a white kid, he'd think he was Kaw. Rat joked about growing his cropped hair out in the back to involve a rat-tail, but he hadn't as-of-yet. Kansas experienced all seasons equally; most of the men kept their hair cropped short in the hot summer, letting it grow in the colder months.

The big kid, stopped ten feet from Avery, but didn't speak.

"Need something?" Avery chided.

"Well...the guys... Well, they were wanting to know if..."

"Rat, if you don't spit it out already, so help me God Almighty, in this church and all, I will drive this hammer and nail through your ear and leave you pinned to this alter as a sacrifice. So, for God's sake, and your own, what is it?"

The kid glanced from the hammer to the nail in Avery's hand. "Do you want any lunch?" he blurted. "The guys and I... We're going on lunch, now. Do you want something? Err...do you want us to bring you something"

Avery couldn't help but laugh. When he was able to stop he put the hammer and nail down and turned to his employee, "Do you honestly think I would've hammered your ear to the altar, Rat? I'm sorry I've been an ass all day; I've got things on my mind, and no, I don't want any lunch, but thanks for asking."

"I wasn't sure if you'd do it or not, Boss. I mean, I don't think so, but you've been yelling, and... And... Well, it's not like you to get mad. I drew the short straw," he motioned over his shoulder to the front lawn. "They're afraid of you throwing something again."

Avery glanced past the kid and through the entrance where his workers gathered together, eavesdropping. He observed the pieces of broken chair in the doorway. He'd thrown the chair at the door, where it smashed into splintered pieces, when he was pissed off over trying to fit two pieces of custom lumber together, and failing. At about that same time, his workers decided to enjoy the beautiful day outside.

He shook his head, "I'm sorry. Will you guys forgive me if I pay for your lunch?"

"You don't have to do that, Boss."

"Yes, I do," he asserted. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills. Pulling a few off the top, he handed them over. "If you're going to that cafe on the square, bring me back a Reuben and a Diet Coke. If you're doing fast food, I don't want anything."

"Thanks, Boss," the kid smiled and stepped back out over the broken chair.

Avery hammered, nailed, and sanded the rest of the afternoon away. His boys eventually made their way back inside the church completing odd jobs, but kept quiet for the most part. Around five in the afternoon the men departed, and he finally stepped outside, plopping his tired body down on the front steps of the church. _What am I going to do about my Ashlee problem?_ Even though it shouldn't be a problem, he sure saw it as one. He wanted to see her, talk to her. God, he never stopped thinking of her. _Maybe, if I saw she's doing well, I could finally put my feelings for her to rest, and move on._

He folded his hands in his lap and attempted prayer for the first time in a long time. When he was a young boy, his pops and him were regulars in this very church. After the accident, he lost Faith. While in Juvie, he had the opportunity to worship with a volunteer minister, who came by twice a week, but his hate was strong and instead of reaching out for forgiveness, he refused. He figured God didn't have time for a kid like him, he was a lost boy. _Is it the church pushing me to feel the need to pray? Or, is it because I've neglected religion within my life for so long?_ He didn't know, but in the moment, he felt the strong need to converse with God. _His only problem?_ He didn't have a clue what to say or how to proceed.

After a few moments of debating how to begin, he stood and went to his truck. From behind the passenger seat, he pulled his guitar. Since he learned to play, he was better at expressing himself through music rather than talking. _Maybe prayer worked the same way._

He returned to the front steps and strummed a few chords in tuning. _What would be an appropriate song to sing to God?_ _Amazing Grace_ was the first which came to mind. He played through the first verse with ease. It was interesting how, even after ten plus years of not attending church, he still knew the lyrics like the back of his hand. He played through the next verse but without knowing the lyrics, he was only able to hum along. After the third time through, he felt the need to move on to something expressing him; not necessarily, the church.

_What should his prayers to God be for? Happiness for Ashlee? Forgiveness for himself?_ He felt the pull of misery for both. He hoped he was wrong about Ashlee being miserable; she surely didn't deserve it after all she'd been through.

While strumming a few random chords, he remembered the first time he heard the popular song _Demons_ from Imagine Dragons. He'd felt the singer was telling God he was not worthy of Him or His love. He strummed the chords and began singing. Within a verse, he was fully into the music and lyrics. They pulled him toward a feeling of sadness, yet sincerity. As he sang, he wondered how Ashlee felt when listening to music which reminded her of feelings. Specifically, the feelings of him, her parents, the accident, or Southwind. _Did she only have ill feelings for the area? Almost her entire childhood was in this little town, how could she possibly want to forget everything she'd been taught and everyone who'd been the teachers of those memories?_ The sadness was overwhelming and caused him to pause in his playing. When he broke from the lyrics and chords he prayed silently for his long-ago friend and her brother.

He picked up the song where he'd left off and played through to the end. Afterward, he bowed his head and thanked God for his mercy. He realized, without God around him, he never would've accomplished all he had. His answer was crystal. Steer clear of Ashlee. For her, to see or talk to him, it was only going to cause more heartache for the woman. Woman. Even thinking the descriptive word for his best childhood friend, felt odd. But, he'd have to stay away; it was the right thing. The last thing he wanted, but... The right thing.

With a foggier head than before, he stood, locked up the church and drove home. When he turned by the ranch on his way up his drive, he didn't see any signs of visitor life around. _Maybe she already left town,_ he thought _. Well, let's hope, because this staying away business is going to be hard to manage._

Once inside his house, he microwaved leftover chicken and rice from two nights before and sat at his high-top counter facing away from his large front windows. If lights came on in the Bracken house, he didn't want to know. But, trying to ignore the ranch house only lasted a few minutes before he couldn't take it anymore. He swung around on the chair and brought his warmed plate with him to the front room. The room had a panoramic view of the lake and large house down the lane. Still, no light filtered back toward him. _It's probably for the best. She was better off not knowing he was lurking in the shadows of her life._

He finished eating and stood. Took his plate to the kitchen sink where he rinsed it and slid it into the dish-washing machine. When he turned around, he expected to see light, but still nothing. He sighed. _Why was it so important she still be in town?_ He didn't have any rights to her and sure as hell shouldn't. He needed to get over his infatuation with his younger self's crush, and get over it now.

Instead of flipping through a few television shows or news stations he decided he'd get a jump on tomorrow's plans and headed upstairs to his old bedroom. When he bought the house, six years before, he'd converted his old bedroom into a draft room where he could work quietly. And alone. The main floor of the log cabin style home had three bedrooms, a kitchen, front room, with a large fire place, and two bathrooms. One was attached to the master bedroom; the bedroom his father used to occupy. In the loft, there wasn't a toilet or running water, but it wasn't far if he decided he needed to make a trip away from his drafting desk. He often thought of installing a half bath in the upper room, but he'd never gotten around to actually doing the work. There was always someone who needed, or wanted, something done. Always a new project beginning. No, in the six years since he'd gone through carpentry school, he'd been quite busy with the projects of others, not his own. Sure, he'd worked here and there on his home, but no major projects were needed, only minor repairs had been done. He'd love to rip apart the loft someday and convert it into two bedrooms with a bathroom between them. _But what for?_ It wasn't like he would ever marry and fill the home with children. No. He knew the answer to the marriage question before being asked. _No one would ever be Ashlee._ The only girl he'd ever loved and would continue to love for the remainder of his days on this earth.

### Chapter 10 ~ Ashlee

The evening was breezy for June, in Kansas. I chose to wear capri pants with a tee shirt and sweater, and made Eli wear his USF hoodie. He grumbled about not being cold, but in the end, did as I asked. We arrived at Clare's house via gps without any hiccups and with a pie that had both our mouths watering. Clare's house was unique; I'd seen A-frame houses before, but had never ventured inside one. I found it cute, cozy and extremely Clare. Everything was decorated for summer and fishing. _Blacko must really be into fishing because I know how Clare feels about fish. She would fish with me when we were young, but she never caught anything. Mostly because she babbled the entire time...and... I always had to bait her hook; she was not about to touch the bait._ But, Clare loved decorating anything and everything. It didn't matter if she wasn't a champion fisherman; she could decorate like a champion decorator. The champion met us at the door with Sam in her arms.

"Ash, you made it. Hello, Eli. I'm pleased to see you again so soon. Come in and meet Blacko, even though you've technically already met."

"Funny, Clare, real funny," I smirked as I set the pie down on the counter and took Sam from her. "I'll trade you kids for the evening, you play with Eli and I'll steal all of Sam's kisses."

"Deal," she agreed as she ruffled Eli's hair. Clare showed him where the massive fish tank was and pointed out a couple of the types of underwater creatures.

"Hi, Ashlee. Pleased to meet you," Blacko held out his hand, "Welcome back to Southwind."

"Yeah, sorry about our meeting before, I didn't know you were Clare's husband... And, I'm sure you hear it often, but I honestly never speed, you can ask Eli. He gave me a hard time of it after we drove off," I pleaded.

"I won't tell if you don't," he teased as he winked at me.

"Thank you," I nodded. "Your daughter is beautiful, by the way. The absolute best baby I've ever seen."

"Well, thank you, but I can't take the credit for her, she takes after her mother," he replied, meeting Clare's eyes as she came back into the room.

Awe...aren't they adorable together? A perfect couple.

"This house is really amazing," I said over my shoulder. "The lumber, and design, is to die for. Did you have it built? I know you decorated it, Clare, I can see your hand in it." I turned a full circle, taking in every detail before settling Sam in my arms and my attention back on the Brauns. My oldest friend was busy pouring three glasses of red wine.

"Uh...is wine okay?" she asked, ignoring my question.

"Absolutely," I studied her closely as I accepted the glass. "I've needed this all week. Thank you."

She smiled and raised her glass for a toast, "To reconnecting with an old friend."

We clinked glasses and sipped the wine.

"Wow, delicious. What is it?"

Clare checked the bottle, "Well, it says Coast View Vineyard Syrah on it, but I like it because it's red, we don't have much selection at the liquor store here, but if I make it into Wichita I pick up a couple wines from out of state," she noted. "This one's from the city."

"You're kidding, right?" I inquired. "Let me see the label." I set my glass down, not willing to let go of the baby, and took the bottle. Sure enough, it was as Clare said it was. "You're going to find this funny, well at least I do. This wine is from Monterey, California, where Eli and I live. I've always wanted to visit the winery but have never made the time."

"Looks like the winery found you, cheers again," she clinked my glass again as I exchanged the bottle for the glass.

I took another generous sip, "So... The house? Please tell me who your builder is. This place is gorgeous."

Blacko glanced at Clare before replying, "A guy from Oregon built it; we found his company after seeing some work he did on another house in the area."

"Well, it's absolutely gorgeous, if I ever need something built, you're going to have to give me the company's name," I expressed.

Dinner was amazing; grilled salmon with fresh steamed carrots and green beans. We ate, and talked, and I learned all about the Kaw tribe Blacko descended from. Eli was extremely interested in Blacko's family and when Blacko told him he had a chief headdress from his great-grandfather in the other room, he couldn't hold still long enough for Blacko to try it on him.

"There you go," Blacko said as he fitted it to Eli's head. "Fits perfectly."

The three of us laughed. The headdress was truly about three sizes too big. The feathers stood erect across the top and flowed all the way down, touching the floor on either side of Eli.

Now, all you need are moccasins and war paint, and you'll be a chieftain," Blacko said.

"Hold on, Eli. Let me grab my camera," I received a groan from him at the mention of the camera. I handed Sam to Clare as I ran out to my Jeep, calling out over my shoulder, "Just one photo, you never know when you'll ever get to be a chieftain again, Bud."

When I returned, Blacko was putting black war paint lines on Eli's cheeks with Clare's mascara.

"Okay, smile," I begged. Eli obliged, but it didn't look right. "Okay, don't smile. I think you should be serious for this photo. It'll make you look more like a grumpy chief." He folded his arms across his chest and gave me a serious look. I snapped a few pictures, "Perfect, now wait until your cousins see this, they'll be jealous for sure."

"Yeah," he beamed. "Especially Bekah, she's going to be jealous that I had on make-up because Aunt Jenna won't let her wear any like Sarah does."

Everyone laughed at the statement before I asked who was ready for pie. A resounding _ME!_ echoed through the high ceiling in response.

Forty-five minutes later, we had finished our pie and Clare had Sam in her bed, sleeping like the princess she was. Blacko and Eli were in front of the television watching _WWE Smackdown_. Clare and I were able to sit at the table and talk.

She asked me about my college and how I managed with a baby, commenting on how she couldn't imagine having college classes right now with Sam only a newborn. She wasn't even sure how it was going to work when she decided to return for some clients. She'd have to find a good sitter because Blacko was on nights and needed his sleep during the day. Right now, she was seeing a few of her higher risk clients when Blacko, or her mother, could keep Sam for an hour or two, but she was almost ready to go back to half-day hours.

When I mentioned I had a date Saturday night, she gasped, "What? With who?"

"His name is Ryan Payne. He's the cattle manager on the ranch. I met him yesterday, but he is dead set on taking me dancing."

"Ryan, huh? I know who he is. He's that drop dead gorgeous piece of eye candy who runs around in the best pair of jeans I've ever seen and a cut off sleeve collared shirt. Am I right?"

"I heard that!" Blacko commented from the family room.

"And... I love you babe!" Clare shouted back. She smiled at me. "Isn't he awesome? Blacko. I'm not talking Ryan, now."

"I'd say so, since he let his wife get away with fawning over some guy in the same town as him."

Blacko walked into the kitchen and dropped his arms around Clare's shoulders, "It's because I'm the law, and I can give him a ticket, or arrest him for breathing in, or out, of the wrong nostril if I want, that I allow my wife to fawn." he boasted. "So, Ryan, huh? Well...keep an eye on him. I'm sure he means well, but I've seen him out with several different women. Could be looking for the _right_ woman, or he could be a womanizer. Either way, I'd rather not see you hurt by the man."

"Thanks, Toby," I murmured. "Sorry. You sound exactly like my brother Toby, preaching at me before a date. I hear you loud and clear, but I think he's turning on the charm for me right now because I'm in charge of the fate of the ranch. I guess we shall see. It's the reason I agreed to the date, I thought...if I can get close enough to figure it out... I'll have a better feel for the cattle side of the ranch."

"Decent plan. I like the way you think," he agreed. "You think like an investigator, want a job in law enforcement?"

"Uh... No, I'm good. Well, I am currently unemployed, but I'm good with numbers, not people. Thanks though. Hey, I am going to need to get going and get him into bed," I pointed over my shoulder to Eli, who was falling asleep on the sofa.

Clare walked with me while Blacko helped Eli into the jeep and buckled him in. I hugged Clare and told her to come by the house on Sunday and I'd let her know how my date went with Ryan.

By Saturday night I was wound tighter than my parent's old rooster cuckoo clock, which was still dead from when I chucked the thing across the room. Eli had left for Lannie and Frank's house after dinner, and I was busy pacing the family room floor to a wear. Finally, at ten before eight, I saw headlights coming up the drive. I let out the breath I was holding in time to suck in another sharp one when I saw him. _My God, the man was gorgeous._ He was wearing dark denim straight legged jeans with cleaner boots than he wore on the ranch tour. He had on a white button-up western shirt, a black Stetson on his head, which, unfortunately, crushed his dark hair down over his ears, but it was well worth it to see it curl around his shirt collar. Those chocolate eyes met mine and I smiled.

"Wow! Ashlee, you look great. I love the shirt... And, your hair is gorgeous," he complimented.

I'd chosen a yellow halter top, showing off my California bronzed shoulders. It paired well with my butt hugger jeans and brown cowgirl boots. The belt I chose, had a buckle the size of Texas which read _COWGIRL_ in rhinestone letters. My blonde hair, which I usually kept in a loose knot at the base of my head or in a braid, was left down and straightened. I didn't have overly curly hair, but it did have a decent wave down the middle of the back. It was enough that if I wanted it straight then I had to use the straight iron. It fell forward on my shoulders. Ryan reached for it, moving it back. I shuddered at his touch.

"You're a knockout," he declared while looking me square in the eyes. I thought he was going to kiss me the way he was staring, but he moved, tugged my hand, pulling me to his truck. "C'mon, let's go wear out the dance floor before I do something really stupid."

The Barn was an old place the Southwind community had kept in business for over fifty years. Rose, the owner, was the namesake. Her father named it after her when she was only a teenager. He passed some thirty years ago, and she inherited the bar. It was actually an old barn converted to a bar and music hall. I hadn't been inside when I lived in town before, because I was a kid. But... Everyone in the area, of any age, knew about The Barn.

We walked through the front doors and, for the first time since returning to Kansas, I worried about running into someone who knew me from years before. _What if someone, who knew my parents, started talking about them? What if they asked me how I'd been all these years? I hadn't prepared myself for questions._ I gulped audibly.

Ryan squeezed my hand, "I'm going to get us a couple of drinks, the band won't start until nine; we can hang out, and talk, before it gets loud in here. What do you drink?"

"I'll have a Budweiser, please," I answered. I looked around the place and didn't seem to recognize anyone; no one seemed to be staring at me either, this was good.

"Coming right up," he replied as he turned toward the bar.

I saw a few different men pat him on the back as he walked. I wondered if they were giving him congratulatory pats for bringing a new girl, or if they were simply overly friendly. _Both Blacko and Frank warned you of the man's womanizing, remember?_ I shook off the thought and turned my attention to the interior of the bar. The workmanship was unbelievable. The place had obviously been remodeled recently; it was definitely not fifty years old on the inside. The beams across the lofty ceiling appeared new, and... The light fixtures, sure weren't antique. The stage area was obviously newly built. And, the bar, the bar was a gorgeous pine with a glossy epoxy glaze over it. I had slowly walked toward the bar while admiring the scenery and ended up right beside Ryan.

"Oh, hey," he said. "I was going to come back, but this will work too if you want to sit at the bar."

I ran my hand along the shiny surface and accepted the beer, "I wouldn't mind sitting here if you don't, this bar is absolutely gorgeous. Do you know the builder?"

"Yeah, I know him, he owns a local lumber company," he acknowledged. "He does nice work and seems to have his hand in building everything around town lately."

I got the feeling Ryan liked the work, but not the man, "So... You don't like him much, huh?"

"Nah, he's fine. He and I got in a heated disagreement a few moons ago over a little misunderstanding involving a woman," he assured me. "Sorry, I'm not proud of it and I have to admit we both probably had too much to drink, although people say he doesn't drink. I don't believe it."

"Hmm..." I glanced around the room again and shivered. I swore I felt someone's eyes on me, but, again, none of the faces nearby were familiar.

I finished my beer and Ryan ordered us two more. We drank the next round slower, talking about cattle and land and how I was trying to save the land, until I waved the subject off.

"Let's enjoy the evening. I don't want to talk about saving the world tonight. I haven't been out with anyone in months and I really need to let my hair down and enjoy it while I have the night without my kid. You understand?"

"Yes," he nodded. "You want to be a grown-up with no responsibilities tonight?"

"Exactly."

The dance floor belonged to us for a couple of hours and a few more beers each. We came off the floor after the band played a slower Jason Aldean song, giving our feet a rest, and requested another round of beers.

I felt the same _watching me_ feeling and decided to ask Ryan about it. "Do you feel like someone is watching us?"

He took my hands in his and replied, "Honey, it's not us they're watching, every man in this room is watching you. They're all ready to punch my lights out and snag you up. Don't you see how beautiful you are?" he leaned in close and placed his warm lips on my neck gently.

"Please don't," I cautioned.

He stopped nibbling and backed off with question. "Don't kiss you?"

"No!" I practically screamed. "No, you can keep doing that, it feels amazing. I mean, please don't say how gorgeous I am."

"Oh, well... I'm sorry I can't stop telling you because it's the truth." His eyes searched mine, "But, I'll definitely keep on kissing you." He leaned forward and kissed my lips full on, and strong.

I wasn't ready for the strength of the kiss; I sort of lost all air in my lungs; I broke off and got my breath before we tried again. He wasn't a bad kisser, but he wasn't great either. I didn't feel chemistry like I hoped I would. _What is your deal, Ashlee?_ I berated myself throughout the kiss. _Why can't you let loose and enjoy this unbelievably good-looking man throwing himself at you?_

He broke off the kiss and I faked an Mm...

"I think I'm ready to go home if that's okay with you?" I stated.

"Yes," he breathed heavily into my neck. "Absolutely, let's get out of here."

In the parking lot we found his truck and climbed in, "You okay to drive? I mean, I don't know you well and you don't seem drunk, but I'm a little tipsy, and well, you know."

"I'm good, Ashlee. I didn't have as many as you and I'm much larger," he met my eyes and I'm sure saw my _I'm not sure about you look_ and continued, "Look, if you want to sit in the truck for a couple of hours while we both sober up, that's fine with me. I'm sure we can find something to do," he wagged his eyebrows up and down.

I couldn't help it, I laughed. I don't think he was thrilled with my reaction because he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to his side. I was shocked but not as shocked as when he dropped his mouth on mine and assaulted me with his tongue.

_Eck,_ more kissing. I broke the kiss, "Let's just go, okay?"

He nodded and released me, waiting while I buckled up. I got the feeling he was disappointed, not angry, but not happy either. It was a quiet drive back; I fiddled with the radio hoping to take some of the tension out of the air. I stopped on a Kenney Chesney song and hummed along.

When we arrived at the ranch, I was nervous about what he expected. I wasn't feeling any romantic feelings toward him. _Why?_ I asked myself. _He's gorgeous. Why am I not interested? Maybe I just need to get to know him better._

"Is it okay if we hang on the front porch and talk a while?"

"Sounds good to me," he replied as we climbed out of the truck. He seemed to have lost the ounce of friction he held before.

We walked around to the front of the house and climbed the steps, sitting side-by-side on the swing, "So... Tell me about yourself, Ryan. Where are you from? What is your family like?"

"My family?" he questioned.

I nodded as we began to swing.

"Well, I was born and raised in Cheyenne, Wyoming and grew up with four brothers and three sisters, so family reunions can be a little crazy," he boomed.

"Wow! That's a lot of kids under one roof. Are you close with them?"

"No, not really close," he confided before adding, "Well, we grew up close, but not now. As adults, we have our differences. Six of the eight are older than me, so... I got teased a lot. And, I'm only five minutes older than the youngest because we're twins."

"Twins? Wow, I only have one brother and he's ten years older than me; I know nothing about having siblings. It must've been amazing growing up with a twin, huh?"

"There were good and bad moments, I suppose. Valerie was a good best friend until we started school. Then, she only wanted to be around girls, but if anyone ever tried to start something with her I put an end to it quickly. She hated that about having a twin brother. Every boy she was ever interested in never had a chance because of me. My parents had to tell me to cool it when she was asked to the prom," he laughed. "I said, _Fine, I'll lay off the threats, but Val has to learn how to defend herself._ So... I taught her some moves and haven't really worried too much about her since."

His response got another laugh out of me. _See there? He has a soft side. He's handsome, ridiculously beautiful, and a decent brother to his sister._

"What are your parents like?"

"My parents are nice people. Still married and recently celebrated their forty-seventh wedding anniversary. They were quite a bit older when they had my sister and me. You see, we were surprise babies; my parents were high school sweethearts and married at twenty. They waited two years, then started having babies. They popped out one every other year until they were thirty-two, and then, no more babies came their way. They assumed they were done. We were quickly dubbed the surprise twins. My family likes to give us a hard time about it."

"It sounds like a fun time y'all had growing up," I yawned. "I'm sorry, Ryan; I seem to be getting sleepy. Do you mind if we call it a night?"

"Not at all. I had a great time with you tonight, and wanted to tell you you're a great dancer."

"Thank you, so are you. We should do it again sometime," I suggested. _Only, not the kissing part. But, here he was taking my hand and placing his hand on my face all lovey-dovey. Oh no! He's going to try again, isn't he?_

I was correct; he tilted his head and leaned in. _Okay... I'll give it one more shot._ I leaned into the kiss, trying my hardest to enjoy it, yet there was no real feeling or spark. Absolutely nothing. We ended the kiss and he walked me around the house to the back steps. I unlocked the door and said goodnight.

"Goodnight, Ashlee," he replied and left.

### Chapter 11 ~ Avery

Everyone needs time to let loose once-in-a-while, and Avery was no exception. He decided a night out would be the best cure for his dilemma. Problem was, he wasn't currently dating anyone, and he couldn't think of any woman he'd dated in the past who he wanted to spend time with. Most of the girls he saw were nice, decent, but none were Ashlee, and by his demented brain, if a woman didn't make him laugh like Ashlee had, then it wasn't worth wasting either of their time dating.

Every other Saturday, he had a gig at The Barn. This was his weekend off, and he usually didn't go to The Barn on his time off, but he also didn't feel like driving into Wichita, just to unwind. So, here he was, sitting at a back table drinking his Diet Coke, and listening to the band warm-up. He didn't drink alcohol. His buddies gave him a hard time about it, but he knew the outcome. Since the day of the accident, twelve years before, he had been completely sober.

Rose stopped by his table, chatting with him for ten minutes, or so, but other than the one conversation, he sat alone, listening to the music. It was dark where he sat, and he liked it. He could almost see the entire room, but his hiding spot was virtually invisible to the room unless a person wandered to the table. He sat with his ball cap low on his forehead and feet propped on the chair across from him in hopes of staying invisible. Drinking his soda, he scanned the faces of the crowd as it grew.

He froze. Proof. Ashlee Bracken in the flesh.

Her honey colored hair flowed past her shoulders and she wore a bright yellow top which showed off every bit of her gorgeous figure. It was his first real glimpse of her. Even after Chloe spoke of her, after he investigated her vehicle and confirmed it was indeed her, a miniscule corner of his brain said she didn't exist. Not in Southwind.

"Ashlee," he said out loud. "Why do you do this to me?"

Rose caught his gaze and immediately came by, offering words of advice.

"I know, I know. No need to tell me how stupid I'm being. I only learned she was in town this week and I sure as hell didn't think she'd be out dancing with _him._ "

The older woman smiled, "Avery, you little green jealous thing, you know what I think of you and her, as-well-as your determination to stay away, but watching you sit here in agony, watching her, is complete insanity. Either go home, or go bump into her, and act surprised to see her after all these years."

He snapped his head around and met her eyes, "Talk about insane. I can't do that. And, I won't! God knows what she's been through. I'm the last person she'd want to see."

"How do you know? Maybe after all this time, she's forgiven you and your father. Although, there's nothing to forgive you for, and I'll never understand why you did what you did, and why you wouldn't let me tell the police the real story, but... That's in the past and we don't need to dwell on it, I know. Maybe it's in her past, as well."

He glanced at the dance floor where, once again, she floated across with Ryan _. Why him? Are they an item?_ He wondered _. Was Ryan the reason she was back in Southwind? Did they meet because of the ranch and begin dating?_

He shook his thoughts off over their relationship, or lack of relationship, and without looking, replied, "Never going to happen, Rose. Our time was as kids and that ended badly. I need to move on, give her the space she deserves. I'm going to slip out the back door, if that's okay?"

Rose grunted, "Chicken shit."

He laughed and tipped the brim of his dirty ball cap at the old woman. As he turned to go, he stole one last glance of Ashlee twirling on the dance floor. _Damn, that girl will be the death of me, I swear._ His trip home was long and unmemorable as he only had thoughts of a honey-haired, gorgeous girl, and her curvy dancing hips.

He tried everything under the sun to fall asleep, but his thoughts were on the ranch and if Ryan was staying the night or sleeping alone in his own home.

"Ugh!" he practically yelled as he threw the blanket off for the thousandth time. "Why is it bothering me so much? If she wants to date Ryan, dance with Ryan, sleep with Ryan, or hell, marry Ryan, why should it matter to me?"

Pushing himself off the bed, he walked out to the big front windows and sighed.

"No lights on. Well, that could mean she's either not home yet, asleep, or...in bed with Ryan," he admitted. He pulled his jeans and tee shirt back on, slipped his feet in boots, and smashed his ball-cap down on his head. "There's only one way to settle this, now and forever,"

He hastily grabbed a red rose from the refrigerator. There were three roses and he had plans for all of them, just as he did every other week before, but tonight, one of the roses was serving a different purpose.

On the walk to the ranch, he attempted talking himself out of spying probably a hundred times. None of which worked. By the time he made it to the back door, he didn't even remember the walk from his house. His focus was on seeing if Ashlee went home alone... Or, had company. He was right about the lights being off. No vehicles were in the drive besides the Jeep he saw the other night, which, he already knew belonged to her. He walked the perimeter, his attempt at talking himself out of his crazy plan, before stopping at the bottom of the deck stairs.

He gulped, "Maybe she hadn't come home at all?"

_Only one way I'm getting sleep tonight,_ he thought before pulling his small tool set from his back pocket and quietly stepping onto the deck. He fit the lock pickers into the back lock and turned until it unlocked. He didn't make a habit of breaking into homes, but with his line of work he often found himself locked out of work sites. He bought the small lock picker, and ever since, hadn't had any issues.

Inside, he kept to the shadows of the kitchen. He laid the rose on the table and peeked around the wall into the family room. No lights on, no one seemed to be in the room, either. The question of the moment was: _where would Ashlee sleep, her old room, her parents' bedroom, or the downstairs bedrooms?_ He quickly decided on checking into the downstairs rooms and found them empty. Next, he crept up the stairs, being careful not to step on the fifth step, remembering it creaked. He was sure it hadn't been fixed since the house looked exactly the same as it did when he was last inside.

Upstairs, he decided upon checking Ashlee's room first. The door was slightly ajar. He didn't hear any sound coming from the room, so he carefully stepped inside. The curtains were all drawn, making the room dark. Adjusting to the darkness, he saw the bed empty. However, it didn't exactly relieve his stress. If he didn't find her at home, then she went home with Ryan. He didn't like that idea at all. He moved through the room toward the bed. Her giant teddy bear sat on the bed. He smiled.

He'd won it for her when they were thirteen and the carnival came to town. _She'd been having trouble knocking down all the bowling pins in one of the carnival games. He'd worked all afternoon on winning game-after-game, in-order-to turn in his previous prize and graduate to the extra-large teddy bear. When he finally won it, he gave it to her. She was so happy and couldn't quit giggling about it all evening. He knew right then and there, he was in love. Ashlee's laugh was enough to lure him into a love induced coma and he hadn't ever come out of it. For some reason, it took him an entire year to conjure up the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend._

He shook the memory from his head and crept to the walk-in closet. When he opened the door, it creaked, loudly. He hadn't expected it; he held his position. If, there was someone home, and they heard the creak, he'd find out soon enough. Suddenly, he heard feet hit the floor. He slipped inside the closet and hid in the darkness, waiting to be caught. He heard footsteps across the floor somewhere upstairs but knew they weren't coming from Ashlee's room. _Toby's room,_ he cautioned. In the same moment he thought those words, he heard the bathroom door open and someone step inside. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but decided it was a female voice. He also decided he needed to get moving pronto or her next move might be into the closet he occupied. They would be face-to-face. _That,_ would _not_ be good. He slipped back into Ashlee's bedroom and crept down the hallway. Forgetting about the creaky stair, he stepped square on it.

Creeeaaakkkk!

He didn't think twice before bolting for the back door.

Outside, he hugged the back of the house, staying out of the sight line. Even if she turned on the deck light, she wouldn't see him. But... If she stepped fully outside...well... It would be doomsday for him.

A minute went by. Five minutes. Ten minutes. He exhaled audibly, but quietly. Ashlee wasn't coming downstairs to check. He stepped away from the house and began the walk home. Somewhere along the half-mile trek, he realized he shouldn't be happy she was alone. It meant she wasn't with Ryan, and that made him feel good, but it also meant she probably wasn't attached to anyone. _She's not married, or she wouldn't be out dancing with Ryan, right? So... She's a single mother and has no one holding her at night. No. The revelation doesn't mean she's up for grabs, Avery. Especially for you._

He slept horribly. Knowing she was home alone was worse than knowing if she was with Ryan, or not.

### Chapter 12 ~ Ashlee

I walked through the mudroom and family room, before turning and climbing the stairs to my old room. Out of haste, or confusion, I grabbed the gigantic teddy bear off the bed and hugged it to my body. Looking out the windows toward the darkened hill and Avery's old house, I saw the light on.

"I wonder who lives there now." I said out loud to the bear.

I couldn't see the hill in the dark, but the right amount of light lit up the outline of the house and the stars beyond it twinkled in the night sky. I thought about Avery for a moment. _What evil trick had fate played on us twelve years before? Where would we be if fate had not gotten itself involved? Married with two-point-three kids like the rest of the normal citizens of the world?_ I shook the thought off and closed the curtains.

While setting the bear on the bed I noticed Eli's journal on the side table. I loved how he enjoyed writing and I was somewhat tempted to read what he had to say about this place, but in the end, I didn't. Sometimes he shared his writings with me, but I'd never snooped. I wouldn't do it tonight either.

Slowly, I walked across the hall back to my new bedroom. I stripped my bar clothes and climbed into the bed in my underwear. It was nice, sleeping mostly naked without Eli around waking me in the middle of the night for something _. I should do this more often. What? Let Eli sleepover so I can be naked? Man, Ash. You're really living the high-life here._ I laughed out loud at the thought.

I yawned and stretched out in the bed, falling asleep with thoughts of a gorgeous man who I had no chemistry with and a beautiful son who loved a ranch I wanted to sell.

It was a restless sleep with dream, after dream, after dream. I woke with a start around four in the morning and felt someone watching me again. I sat up in bed and focused my eyes but saw no one. A strange sound came from the bathroom, so I climbed out of bed to investigate. _Surely there was no one in the house; if Eli wanted to come home in the middle of the night, Frank or Lannie would've called first._ I made it to the closet before remembering my brother's bat by the bedside table. I also decided it would be best to throw on my robe in case there was somebody there. I didn't need to scare them with my less than adequate breasts. With robe tied, hair piled high on my head, and bat in hand, I gently pushed open the closet door. Thankfully, there wasn't anyone lurking inside, but a strange scratching noise came from the bathroom, so I continued. I found it empty as well. However, the wind pushed a tree with long branches against the windows causing the mysterious scratching.

"Well that makes sense." I said out loud to the wind and tree. "I guess we'll need to trim you soon, so we can all sleep quietly. And... I'm talking to a tree. Back to bed, Ash." I closed the bathroom off, followed with the closet door, hoping to sound proof the bedroom from the tree.

I put the bat back, removed my robe and climbed back into bed. This time, it took quite a while to fall asleep, but at least I knew I was alone in the old, creaky house. And... it would be morning soon.

A couple hours later, I woke with a mission. I was going to figure out how to save the land. _Maybe if I sold the cattle we could get out of the beef business. Ryan would be out of a job, move away and I wouldn't have to tell him I felt nothing between us._ It was a thought...but, deep down I knew I didn't want to get out of the beef business, and feasibly, it wouldn't pay off the taxes owed.

"Now what?" I asked. "Now... It's time for coffee," Throwing on my robe, I ventured downstairs in search of the rich brew.

On the kitchen table, I came across a single red rose. _Weird, I don't remember Ryan giving this to me last night. Where could it have come from?_ Fear crept up my neck as I thought about the noise I heard in the house while I slept. Instinctively, I placed my hand on my neck trying to make it stop. _Oh, stop it Ashlee, no one was here. Ryan must've brought it with him and forgot about it once we started talking. He was kind of shell shocked over my yellow halter top. Yeah, that's probably it._

I picked up the rose and found a skinny vase, displaying it on the table, "There. I've never been given a rose before." I frowned at the thought. _Twenty-six years old and I finally received my first rose. I'd have to remember to thank Ryan when I saw him next._

An hour later, I was sitting on the front porch with my second cup of coffee, enjoying the breeze brought in by last night's winds. Frank pulled into the drive with Eli and they both headed my way.

"Mom! Mom!" Eli shouted as he ran toward me with a cowboy hat on his head. He yelled his words frantically, "You'll never guess what I did last night!"

"Whoa, hold up there, Cowboy. First off, come here and give me a kiss," I pulled him close for a hug as well. "Okay, Bud. Now, slow down with your words; and, you don't have to yell, because no matter how old you may think I am, I still have my hearing. Go on, what did you do last night?"

"Well..." he spoke while glancing at Frank. "Frank's grandkids were over to sleep last night too; we got to sleep outside in a tent. A real tent!" he exclaimed. "And, not only that, but we also got to ride the bucking bronco barrel!" he took in a big breath from all his excitement and fell back on the porch swing with me. Exhaling loudly, he continued, "It was the bestest night ever!"

"Wow, that _does_ sound like a lot of fun." My eyes focused on Frank. "You have a bucking bronco barrel? Please explain, so I don't think you actually put my child on a bucking bronco... Or, taught him to barrel race."

Frank smiled as he sat down in one of the chairs opposite the swing, "Nah, it's an old barrel tied up to four posts. It allows it to move freely like a bronc. The grandkids love it and so did Eli, it seems. In fact, he got his first cowboy hat for staying on eight seconds. He's a real bucking bronc cowboy now."

I laughed as I ruffled Eli's hair, "That sounds like a great evening... And, the only kind of bucking bronco I want to see you on, Bud. Hey, It's about time for a haircut. Maybe we should venture into town and find a barber today." He always liked his jet-black hair hanging over his eyes and ears, but it was bordering on fitting in a ponytail.

"I want to cut it short like the cowboys," he replied.

"Really? Not your usual surfer do?"

"Nope, I want to look like all the cowboys working the horses."

"You're really embracing this cowboy thing, aren't you?"

"Yep," he smiled the same gorgeous smile his father had. "I want to grow up to be a real cowboy and ride bucking broncs."

"All right, Bud. But... Let's settle down on the growing up thing, okay?" I pleaded.

"Yes, Ma'am."

I sent my son to the shower before he disappeared with Frank to some unknown place, and I went to the office where I sat in my father's leather chair. Before getting to work, I daydreamed about a raven-haired little boy riding a bucking bronc. I shook the thoughts away as I opened my laptop. A reply email from my colleague and friend, Jack, in Monterey, was waiting.

From: Jack Lance

To: Ashlee Bracken

Re: Ranching numbers...wth?

Hey Ashlee,

First off, I was wondering where you disappeared to and then I get this weird email asking about how much could you sell a ranch for and all that. Wth Ashlee? I never even knew you were from Kansas. I mean, I knew you weren't born and raised in Cali, but Kansas? It explains a lot. Lol. Also... That's a massive amount of land you have there. Over two thousand acres? Holy shit, Ashlee!

So... The big dogs let you go for some sappy young thing in a red dress (which, btw I'm not complaining about looking at her all day, you wouldn't believe how long her legs are or how short her skirt is) but she is as air-headed as a feather blowing in the wind. Not sure what her position is in the company but it's not accounting, and I'm one-hundred percent sure she is Junior's side piece of meat and he wanted her to come to work with him. She doesn't compare to you and I miss seeing you every day, along with our laughs.

Anyway, enough about this place, which is, totally boring without you, so... Ranching, huh? I checked out a few companies for you and even went as far as checking with AgStar on operating loans, but because of the ongoing lawsuit over the tax fraud from that douche who stole from your family, I'm sorry about that btw, you can't get approved for one until the lawsuit is settled. You could file for bankruptcy protection to help being from being auctioned off, but you'll still have to come up with a few thousand in the next six weeks in-order-to file for protection. However, if you did file for BP, you won't qualify for any loans for years.

Now, if you sold the cattle, like you asked about, and paid the back taxes, it would buy you the time needed to file for bankruptcy protection until the lawsuit settles and the ranch can start running a profit again. I know you don't want to give up your family's land Ash, but it may be your only option. Unless you want to let it go to auction and wash your hands of it forever. My personal advice? Don't lose your family's legacy, for Eli's sake, and tell the little squirt hello from me.

So... Long story short, you could: sell a little bit of the massive amount of land, finish off the lawsuit, get the money owed back if the jerk hasn't spent it all in the Bahamas yet, and then let's have ourselves a big ole barbecue "ranch style." I'll visit, bringing Victor and Ells with me. They'd love to learn to rodeo, and maybe you can charge them for lessons to make some extra cash. You never know, I could become the next great black cowboy!

Best of luck, Little Mama. Keep me in the loop please!

Love you Sista,

J

sent from my iPhone

The email put a smile on my face. I wasn't excited about selling land or cattle, but I missed Jack's humor, tremendously.

A few friends from our business, and accounting classes, at USF were tight. Years after graduation now, and we still managed to stay in touch and often had business dealings with each other. In the beginning, two men from our class had tried to hit on me; Jack had stood up to them both like he was my big brother. I wasn't interested in either one, so... He guarded me. I laughed out loud as I remembered our chance meeting on my first day of junior year at the University of San Francisco.

******

I was a transfer student from junior college in Monterey; Jack was a four-year student from USF. I walked into my first business class, Financial Management, and immediately heard the comment, _look gentlemen, fresh meat._ I glanced the way of the comment and saw two big guys staring me down.

Neither were remotely my type, as if I even knew what my type was, but I decided to be bold and replied: _Dream on, losers._

This taller than life black man emerged from a table sitting behind them and said, "Lay off, Fellas. She'll eat you for breakfast." Holding out his hand, he introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Jack and these idiots won't be a problem for you if you stick with me."

I nodded my acceptance of his offer and he led me to the other side of the room where two other business students sat.

"She's in," Jack told the two of them as they introduced themselves to me.

What I was in for, I had no idea, but they ended up being my best friends throughout the rest of my college days, and beyond. Especially Jack.

******

I re-read Jack's email before responding.

From Ashlee Bracken

To: Jack Taylor

Re: Re: Ranching numbers

OhEmGee, how I miss you. Thanks for making me laugh, and you're welcome to visit anytime in the next few weeks and try your hand at the cowboy thing! I'd love to see it.

Sorry about my replacement, she sounds, uh...interesting? Send me a picture please. Is Junior constantly drooling over her? I'd be willing to bet he is. What a disgusting creep. The only thing I don't miss about that place is his constant inappropriate remarks about me and my body. Gah!

It sounds like all your thoughts on the ranch coincide with mine. Go figure, great minds think alike and all that nonsense. I'm going to consider bankruptcy protection. It really sucks about selling some of the land, so if I can, I'd rather not. The more time Eli hangs out around here, the more he comes alive and finds himself. You should see him, Jack. He loves the horses and helping with the daily chores. It'll be hard to pull him away when our time is up, and he has to return to school, but I'll have to. Maybe, if I sell some of the acreage, keeping the rest, plus the horses, he'll have a place to visit when he has time out of school. I can only hope, because... He's a different kid out here.

Anyway, I love you, Jack; come see me soon so I can laugh at your ass on a horse.

Ash

I closed my email and immediately _Googled_ Operational Loans and then Bankruptcy Protection. I knew both well from extensive case studies in school, but since I'd only done accounting work after graduation, I thought it best I be re-educated. Jack was right; no bank was going to grant us an OL while pursuing a lawsuit. _Maybe we should drop the lawsuit?_ No. There's no way Toby would agree, he was pissed about the weasel taking the money and running. He felt it was his mess-up since he hired the jerk and was going to sue him for whatever he could get whether he got a penny or not. I didn't disagree with him; after all, it was about family pride.

I researched bankruptcy protection for a couple more hours, stopping only to refill my iced tea. I was knee deep in assets versus debts when I heard a car pulling into the drive. My Clare Bear was here.

I met her at the back door and removed Sam from her arms right away.

"Well, aren't you the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, Little Lady?" She was decked out in a baby pink ruffled dress with matching ruffled socks and slippers that were too big for her tiny feet.

"We came from church, Blacko had to go to work early because some deputies are out of town on training. They're short officers right now." She followed me in and set down my pie dish along with some chips and homemade salsa. "I brought this to eat while we gush about your date with the hottie." I must have made an unpleasant sound, because she laughed, before questioning, "Oh no! That bad, huh?"

"Like no chemistry at all," I replied. "I don't understand how one person can be so ridiculously good looking and I can have no romantic feelings whatsoever for him. What is wrong with me?"

She waved her hand at my rose, "Well, at least he's a gentleman and has good taste, right?"

"Yes, you can say that. He did everything I asked of him. Danced, took me home when I wanted, kissed me and even left when I asked. But the funny thing is, I don't remember him giving me the rose. I found it lying on the table this morning. It's kind of been bothering me but then I guess he must've brought it when he picked me up and forgot about it. He did drop his jaw a little when he saw my barely there shirt and tight jeans," I put a squirmy Sam over my shoulder and rubbed her back.

"Hmm... Probably right about that. Jeez, Ash. You do look great; the same as you did when we were kids, except...well, maybe with a little more hip. Careful with her, I finished feeding her before leaving church about ten minutes ago. Here," she said as she pulled a burp cloth from her purse, "You may want this to protect your shirt."

She placed the cloth over my shoulder in time for Sam to belch. No spit up, but I thought she must feel better with the air gone from her tummy.

"Wow, Girl. You definitely take after your mommy."

Clare reached across the table for my hand and squeezed it. "Oh, how I missed you, Ash. I hope when all this ranch business is over you'll visit and maybe I can get Blacko to take Sam and me to California."

"That would be wonderful."

We talked for a couple hours before Eli interrupted, wanting us to come outside and watch him ride Penny, a horse we had on the ranch since I was five years old.

"Penny's still around?" Clare asked, astonished.

"Yep, and so is Sunny. Remember when we used to ride them all the way to the north side?" I asked. "Of course, Penny is quite a bit slower these days, but only because she's older than Sunny."

Penny was a Rocky Mountain horse; one of the best my father had ever bred. The horses' father, Silver Penny, was a champion breeder/show horse, one my father wanted to breed more with, but before he could, the steed was killed in a tragic accident on a windy road coming back from a show in Montana. Frank showed Penny at horse shows for years where she won numerous awards. She'd been bred four times, producing four silver dapple colts. They were beautiful and sold for high dollar like their grandfather. Penny was retired from showing now, and Eli had picked her as his favorite to ride.

Eli was getting better at leading. So, Frank had let him ride in the paddock the past few days. I wasn't ready for him to be turned out to pasture yet, but I _did_ have to agree with Frank, he seemed to be a natural at riding. He pulled up the reigns and took Penny to the other side of the pen where the goats had gone under the fence into the paddock. They exited quickly when the horse and him persisted.

Clare stood with me while we watched him walk Penny around the pen. He managed to trot. Then, march the horse.

"Just like old times," Clare whispered.

I smiled while watching her watching Eli. _Yep, just like old times._

We said our goodbyes and Clare left me the information for Sam's naming ceremony. Eli and I promised to be there. I mentioned once more how he needed a haircut, so... We went into town hoping to find somewhere to get it done.

We settled on a barber shop on Main Street. It was only three doors down from my mothers' bakery. When he was all clean cut and looking handsome again, I gave in to temptation and took him to the cafe, showing off what was once his grandmother's.

I wasn't ready for the onslaught of emotion I felt when we walked through the doors. It was like time traveling. The name was no longer _Sweetie Pie's_ , but now the marquee read V _era's Café,_ in bright blue lettering. The doorway was the same frame and so were the colors, but the decor inside was different. Instead of the black round tables I grew up with, there were square tables with booths. The coffee mug wall paper was replaced with bright yellow paint and pictures of menu items were hung on the walls. One thing remaining the same was the ordering counter. It was still a beautiful cherry wood with a gloss coat. I could almost see my mother standing behind it taking orders.

I shook off the memory and asked Eli what he'd like to eat. He chose the turkey melt and I chose the chicken salad sandwich. We sat in a booth and waited for our food to be delivered. Eli asked what it was like when it was a bakery; I pointed out the differences. Plus, told him of some favorite pastries my mother baked.

"Chocolate chunk muffins, giant cinnamon rolls, and key lime cupcakes were some of my favorites, but her apple pie was everyone's favorite. People came from miles around to buy a whole apple pie. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, she had pages long of orders. I helped; that's where I learned to bake her secret recipe. She also taught me to bake everything else I know," I praised.

"You miss her a lot, right, Mom?"

"Of course, I do, who wouldn't miss their mom? But hey, just because my parents died young doesn't mean that I will too," I watched emotions play across his little face. "You understand, right, Bud?"

"Yeah," he answered. "Aunt Jenna told me. Everything is different for everyone, and just because my dad died before I was born doesn't mean the same will happen to me. I got it."

"You have the best aunt," I said as our food was set in front of us. "You know, I don't want you thinking something is going to happen to me or to you because it happened to parents of ours. Now, this looks delicious, let's eat."

I was right, it was delicious.
Chapter 13 ~ Ashlee

Later that night, I prepared Eli's things for the trip to the horse trading show the next day. Frank wasn't sure how long it was going to be, so I packed an overnight bag in case they stayed over in Tulsa. Everyone was leaving at four in the morning, so it was early to bed for all. I sat awake in my old arm chair, clutching the giant teddy bear to my chest, watching Eli sleep.

I didn't pray much anymore, before the death of my parents, we attended church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. We held church picnics at the ranch, around the lake, and my father would saddle up some of the ponies for kids to ride. The moms and grandmothers passed around recipes, and quilts, to be seen and shared. Clare went to the same church as my family. In fact, about a third of the town went to the same church. It was a huge stone and white church located on the street north of Main Street. The steeple was seen for miles before town and it towered over the buildings on Main. I remember our preacher telling me not to lose God before my parents' funeral began. _I didn't know what he meant at the time; how could I lose God? I couldn't see him in the first place; how was I to know if I lost him, or not._ It's one of the only things I remember about the days following my parents' death. After the tragedy of losing Eli's father, I understood exactly what the preacher meant and decided, then and there, _God wasn't around me in the first place; I didn't need to fear losing him._ When Eli was born, I cried as I realized God had really never left me, it was me who left Him.

I didn't attend church in California, but my best girlfriend, Ellie, was always asking me to go with her. I told her I couldn't do it; she knew all the heartache I'd suffered and understood my reasons for not attending services, but she still encouraged me with her random scriptural texts, and emails, loaded with bible verses. I received a few messages from her since arriving at the ranch, but, I'd yet to let her know where I was until a text the day before.

Now, I sat in my old room and watched my baby boy sleep. He appeared angelic. I smiled. He had a new sharp haircut which was shorter than he'd worn for quite some time. His cowboy hat hung from the bed post by his head while the blankets were pulled up to his chin as his soft snores escaped.

"God, thank you," I said out loud. "I know I don't say it enough, but thank you. He's perfect."

I slept uneasy knowing my only child would be miles away the next day, and possibly night, even knowing he'd be in great hands with Frank and Lannie. Their youngest grandchild, Justin, was traveling with them too. He was only two years older than Eli; I knew they'd definitely keep each other company on the trip, but it's never easy letting your child out of your sight. Finally, around midnight, sleep found me.

I almost missed the alarm to wake Eli, not that it really mattered; all I had to do was throw him in the truck in his pajamas. Lannie was planning to dress the boys when they were closer to Tulsa. They were pulling a fifth wheel camper with all the amenities. The other ranchers were pulling three horse trailers between them with the seven horses for sale. I waved goodbye to my family and went back inside, hoping to conquer more sleep.

As I lay in bed, attempting that elusive sleep, I thought about what I'd done. _I waved goodbye to my family. My family, was here? Here in Kansas. That's not right, is it? My family is in California and consisted of Toby and Jenna and the girls. Isn't it?_ I fell asleep dreaming of wild horses running over two thousand acres of beautiful rolling hills below the majestic Kansas night sky.

On Monday, I was completely bored. After booking an appointment with a lawyer regarding the bankruptcy protection, for Wednesday, in Wichita, I had nothing to do. I cleaned the house from top to bottom in less than two hours. I had yet to go into my parents' bedroom and stood outside the closed door for twenty minutes before I decided to leave the house. I ventured to the horse barn and talked to Sunny about how I stood outside the bedroom door like a coward.

"It's like I can feel them inside their bedroom, Sunny. I know it's silly, but I swear I can see them in there. Mom is wearing her favorite rose-colored sweater with her baking apron over and her khaki pants. Dad's wearing his Wranglers with his blue plaid button-up shirt and silver champion belt buckle for barrels in 1980. I feel like I can step inside and sit and talk with them."

Sunny nudged me in the shoulder and I brushed under her mane again.

"Okay. I'm brushing. It's all about you, isn't it?"

"You'd rather talk to horses than people, I see." A voice said from the other side of the stall. I couldn't see the person, but... I already knew the voice as Ryan's. I smiled as I came around Sunny and hung on the stall door.

"Hi, Ryan."

"Hello to you too, Ashlee. How are you today?"

"I'm doing well," I lied.

"Really? So, you must always talk to horses about your problems?" he inquired.

I shook my head, "You got me there. I usually don't, but I've only been back on the ranch, and around my horse a week; it seems I've talked to her more than I've talked to my therapist in the past twelve years."

He laughed at that, opened the gate and took my hand, helping me step out.

I don't know why, but I felt the need to hug him, so I stepped right into his arms. We weren't that close. I'd known him less than a week, went on one date and kissed him a handful of times with no chemistry. _What was I doing?_

"Well, this is nice," he remarked.

I broke the embrace, "I'm sorry; I'm lonely and taking advantage of you. Frank and Lannie took my son to Oklahoma for a horse show; I've been trying to occupy myself all day, but here I am standing in the barn talking to a horse. You're the first person I've seen since four o'clock this morning. Unless you count the ghosts of my parents, who I think, probably, don't count."

He laughed. "It's fine, Ashlee. I have to say I'm surprised by the hug, but not upset by any means. Saturday night I... Uh... Well, I didn't feel you were into me; I figured you wouldn't want to be around me again, let alone accept a hug."

"You could tell?" I asked, mortified. I threw my hands over my eyes, hiding.

"It's okay," he said as he peeled my hands off. "Don't feel bad, I wasn't feeling _us_ either," he explained as he waved a hand between us. "Don't get me wrong, I think you are one hot mama and you sure can dance, but kissing you...well, it's like kissing one of my sisters."

It was my turn to laugh, "Ouch. Well, I guess that makes two of us. Kissing you was like kissing my good friend Jack. Which is weird because I've never actually kissed him in that way, but I imagine it would be the same."

"And, I assure you I've never kissed my sisters in that way either, I err...just imagine it would be the same," he reassured me. "So..." he stuck out his hand, "Friends?"

"Absolutely," I agreed while shaking his hand.

"Now, as your friend, what is this ghost business about? You didn't actually see them, uh...you're parents, did you?"

I waved my hand between us as Sunny neighed; I turned to run my hand down her forehead again.

"No, I didn't see them, I was telling Sunny that I spent twenty minutes outside their bedroom door and couldn't go inside, because, I swore I could feel them inside the room. I know it's silly, but I really haven't been in that room since the day of the accident."

"Oh; well shoot, as your new B-F-F I suggest we check it out. I can be the sacrificial lamb if you'd like?"

"Nah, I think I'll wait a few days before trying again. But I wouldn't mind having company for dinner, if you're interested, that is?"

"Sounds good to me, I'm always up for food," he teased. "Burgers okay? Or, are you into eating healthy salads? Oh God, please tell me you're not some snobby vegetarian. You probably are, aren't you? I mean, coming from California, and all?"

"You know I was born and raised on a cattle ranch, right? The very same cattle ranch you happen to be employed? Nah, I love a good burger. With...a salad on the side."

"Okay then, I'll grill, you make the salad. Six o'clock sound okay?"

"Sounds perfect. I have to feed the horses, take a shower and then, you'll find me in the kitchen," I stated as I dug into the feed bin.

My newest best friend stuck around and helped me feed everyone. We fed the horses in the stables and took fresh hay to the ones out in the pens. Most likely, they'd graze all day on the grassy plains, but Frank always kept the hay bags full, and I didn't want to be slacking on the one job I was given while the ranchers were away. We parted with plans to meet in an hour, on my back deck.

Ryan cooked a great burger, perfectly seasoned and grilled to my favorite, medium-well. I put together a fresh salad with homemade vinaigrette dressing. We each drank a couple glasses of iced tea along with our dinner. I brought out what was left of the apple pies I'd made, and we topped it off with Lannie's homemade vanilla bean ice cream.

"This pie is the most amazing I've ever had. You made it?" he asked with a fork-full of pie and ice cream headed towards his mouth.

I laughed, "Yep, my mother's recipe. She taught me how to bake by the time I could stand on a chair. She was always in the kitchen baking. Or... She was at her bakery downtown."

"That's right; some of the ranchers told me your mother had a bakery in town. I heard it was the best in the Mid-West," he took my hand in his across the table. "Listen, Ashlee, I'm awful sorry about your folks. I know it can't sound like much, since... I didn't know them, or you, at the time, and I haven't been in Southwind long, but I can still empathize with you. If I lost my parents, even now at thirty years old, I'd be lost," he cleared his throat. "So, I'm sorry you had that happen to you, especially at such a young age. And, I'm not trying to make moves on you; I'm just being your friend."

"It means a lot, Ryan, thank you," I nodded while successfully keeping the tears at bay.

We sat and talked of our favorite things and the things we couldn't stand. It turned out Ryan had never been to California; I described my favorite things about the state, and coast, in detail. We made plans for him to visit when I went back home. He preferred it be during the coldest time of the Kansas winter.

Around ten, he pushed his chair back from the outdoor table and took our plates to the sink. I followed him inside, watching as he bent over the table, inhaling the rose.

"That's a pretty rose you've got there, Lady," he smirked before embracing me, planting a kiss on my temple and heading toward the door. "Well, I really have to run; I have to be up early for tagging and vaccinations. Ole' Doc will be at the cattle barn by six wanting to get started. Thank you for having me over for dinner, the pie was beyond delicious. I'll see you around, Ashlee, I'm sure."

I focused on the rose and smiled at his nonchalance, "Thank you, Ryan...for a great evening. Bye."

I waved and locked the door behind him, smelled the rose on my way back through the kitchen and smiled. It was nice having Ryan as a friend. Why we had no chemistry was beyond me, but sometimes it fell that way. Maybe, I'm not meant to date...or marry...but, I could always use more friends.

Two days later, I found myself sitting in a lawyer's office in Wichita, waiting to be called back to discuss options and possibly bankruptcy protection. I flipped through a business magazine while the Today Show played from a nearby television. A few chairs away, sat an older gentleman, who I guessed to be in his mid-seventies. He was bald on top and barely had any hair left around his ears and neck. Actually, his eyebrows had more hairs in them than he had on his head, and they were whiter than Santa Claus' beard. I thought about how I hadn't noticed too many changes in myself since eighteen. The biggest change was becoming a mom, but from the time of Eli's birth and falling back into my pre-pregnancy weight, which I was told was fast since I was young, I hadn't changed much at all. My hair was the same honey colored blonde. My skin had always been tan and freckled, but probably more so from the California sun. My green eyes were the same they'd always been; my father had referred to me as his Emerald City, due to my eyes. They were his eyes, only brighter. Toby resembled our mother... but, I was a carbon copy of our father.

While I was lost in thought about my parents, the older gentleman was called back to the lawyer. I turned and watched a young boy skateboarding down the sidewalk and was reminded of what Eli said to me Tuesday morning.

******

"Mom, can we move here?" he pleaded quietly.

I was sure my mouth dropped to the table. My eyes flew toward Frank; he shrugged his shoulders and went on sipping his coffee.

Move? To Kansas?

"What about Uncle Toby and Aunt Jenna, Sarah and Rebekah, back home?" I questioned, not sure what to say. I knew he was enjoying himself here, but move? I didn't think I could give up my life in California.

What life? You have no job, remember? No man, either. Some life you'd be giving up.

"Well, we could visit them, and they could visit us, I guess?" he volunteered. "I mean, if you can save the ranch from selling... And, all that stuff."

"Eli." I looked at him and took his little hands in mine. "Eli, it's not that simple. I know you're having a great time here..." I trailed off as I saw his steel blue eyes droop. Placing my fingers under his chin, I lifted his head to mine. _God, I would do anything for this kid, wouldn't I?_ "But... Eli, if I can find a way to get it done; I'll consider it."

His eyebrows shot up.

"I said I'll think about it, okay? Besides all the ranch stuff, I'd need a job."

He nodded eagerly. I glanced from him to Frank and then told Eli to wash his hands before he ate breakfast. Since the day we arrived in Southwind, I was constantly telling him to wash his hands. They were perpetually covered in dirt from the ranch. Plus, he'd already been out in the yard playing with every animal he missed while in Tulsa. He ran toward the bathroom as I shook my head and buried it in my hands.

"What if I can't do it, Frank? What if I don't want to stay?"

Frank sipped his coffee before speaking for the first time since he had said good morning. "Then you don't, Ashlee. The boy has to learn he doesn't get everything he wants. Of course, he wants to move here," he waved his hand around the air, encompassing the entire ranch. "There's horses, kittens, dogs, goats, fishing, new friends, and whatever else he loves right now. He's basically a long-lost cousin to my grandsons and loves that tire swing as much as I remember you loving it."

"And, he has you and Lannie," I noted.

He hadn't taken his eyes off mine, he nodded.

"He already treats you like the grandparents he's never had. I mean, he has his fathers' parents, and they absolutely love him, but... He hasn't had anyone on my side except Toby's family, and me," I admitted as I gazed out the window into the front yard where the goats had wandered.

"Hey," Frank said. "Don't worry about it, Kid. You'll get it figured out. Pray on it."

I exhaled exhaustedly and snorted, "Pray on it? That's a good one. Sure, God's going to tell me what to do. I'm sure he's going to tell me where I should raise my son, but he couldn't tell me what to do after my parents died, or after Eli's father was murdered. Eli will never know his father." I quavered as emotions overwhelmed me. Anger boiled to the top of the current list. I wasn't angry at Frank, but he was going to get the brunt of it because there was no one else, "Where was He, Frank?"

Frank shook his head, "We don't know, My Dear. We don't understand why it seems sometimes God stands right beside us and sometimes he's on the other side of the room watching us suffer," he took my hand in his, "But, I'll tell you something, Sweetheart, He is here, He does love you and He won't forget you. We don't know why God put your parents here, then needed them back so soon, but... He did; we have to trust in Him. I know that sounds hard, but you have Eli looking at you for answers now. He's looking for where he fits in; it seems to me he fits in right here."

He dropped my hand and pushed his chair back, "Don't turn your back on God when your son needs Him, Ashlee. And, you too. We all do. I know I do, I wouldn't be a quarter of the old man I am today if it wasn't for God carrying me around all the time, and if it wasn't for Him giving me Lannie..." he dropped a kiss on top of my head and grabbed his hat off the porch post.

"Frank," I sniffled before he walked off. He turned and looked at me. With tears in my eyes, I whispered, "Thank you."

He smiled as he picked up my hand and gave it a squeeze, "Anytime."

******

I turned my attention back to the waiting room as the memory faded. _God is with me,_ I vowed.

"God," I whispered out loud, "I'm going to need a miracle. If it's your will for Eli to be on the Bracken Ranch, in Kansas, we're going to need a miracle to save that ranch."

The receptionist called my named and Mr. Shields stepped out of the office, introducing himself with a smile. We shook hands and I followed him into a board room where he had Colombian coffee waiting for me. I already liked him. I inhaled deeply before I set my mug down on the table, letting it cool.

"Coffee lover, eh?" Mr. Shields smiled.

"Yes. Well...at least I'm a lover of excellent coffee. Not the fast food kind, but the kind like this where I can tell someone, somewhere in this world, took their time and grew the perfect beans, exclusively for me. I haven't had anything great for the past two weeks."

"I see," he pondered. "I'll be sure to send you home with a bag of it then. A client of mine, in Colombia, sends a case each month; I can never finish the entire supply before another arrives. I understand what you mean about the beans being grown exclusively for you. I didn't know I was drinking bad coffee until I started drinking this stuff."

I smiled.

I sat in a chair at the conference table opposite where I thought Mr. Shields planned on sitting. He proved my assumptions right by taking his seat at the head of the long glass top table. Shields was probably only a few years older than me. He had an extremely physical physique; he appeared to take good care of his body with exercise, or outdoor activities, at least. _He has a decent tan, so... He must be outside a fair amount of time,_ I thought. I didn't see a wedding band on his finger, but that didn't mean anything these days, men were always taking them off for this reason or that; however, he also didn't have a tan line on his ring finger. At around half a foot taller than I, he was tall. His dark hair had a few lighter strands of golden-brown near his ears and his brown eyes were the color of deep cocoa. If I was interested in looking for a man to date, Mr. Shields wouldn't be a bad place to start. I wasn't sure if he was my type, or not, because again, who knew what my type was, but he seemed pleasant enough. I smiled at the thought as I pulled out my papers with numbers written all over them.

Mr. Shields checked over the information I was able to research; I mentioned how I was thinking of selling five hundred acres to pay taxes and loans.

He met my eyes sharply, "You would sell the land?"

"Well... I..." I stammered, "I don't want to, but if I don't have a choice, I'd rather sell a piece than let the entire thing go to auction."

He nodded and seemed to have recovered from the revelation of a possible sale.

"I've thought of quite a few questions though," I added. "If I sold five-hundred acres, I'd have to sell half the cattle too. What if selling half the beef couldn't keep the ranch going? Should I get out of beef and attend more horses?"

"Those are definitely good questions," he acknowledged. "Unfortunately, they're questions I can't answer for you, either."

"Thanks," I groaned.

He laughed. We talked more about the land, the bankruptcy protection option, the sale of the beef and land. Mr. Shields had good things to say and talked me out of filing bankruptcy protection for the time being. Saying I was on the right track with the sale of the acreage, but that he recommends keeping half the beef because beef prices were on a steady incline.

We crunched numbers for another half an hour before he asked, "What about leasing the land out?"

"Like renting?"

"Yes, like renting," he replied. "You get someone to lease your land for say, a two-year contract and they run their cattle on it while you get paid a monthly, or yearly, lease. You'll have to sell the cattle like you talked about, but you could possibly sell to someone who needs land to rent. I come across cowboys every now-and-then. Come-to-think-of-it, I happen to know a man currently looking for land to rent. I don't know if he's looking for as much as you have, but I know he's looking for land. He's not into cattle, so... You'd have to sell your livestock at auction. He's a builder; he's looking for land to drop his lumber and needs a build site for the next few years. If he wouldn't need the entire five-hundred acres, you could lease the property in sections. Maybe there are more renter's out there looking for something. With a few tenants, it could be what you need to pull out of this and not lose the land permanently."

"Hmm... That's a real possibility, I suppose," I replied. "It would mean I'd keep the land in the family." The more I thought of it, the better the idea was sounding, "Could you perhaps contact the man and let him know you have some land if he's still interested. I don't feel the need to meet with him, you could do the dealings and take him out to show him the land if need be. I can sign whatever as-long-as you feel it's a good deal for the ranch. I'd be thankful enough for not filing chapter eleven. Hopefully, the lawsuit will be settled, and the back taxes will get paid. Possibly, in the next two years my family could be out from under this mess. I know my son will be happy if we can save the ranch; he loves everything about the place."

"I can get started on it right away. As a matter of fact, I'm having lunch with the man today. Are you sure you don't want to meet him, you could join us for lunch."

I glanced at my watch, "No. Thank you for the offer, but I need to get back to the ranch and my son."

We shook hands and parted with a promise of him letting me know how the lunch conversation went.

I smiled all the way back to the ranch.

That night, I went over the details with Frank. He thought it was going to be our best option, as-long-as the interested party was paying a sound rate on the acreage. I went to sleep with a smile and prayers of thanks to God.

### Chapter 14 ~ Avery

Avery pulled into the restaurant, in Wichita, ten minutes before lunch was scheduled with his good friend. He met Jacob in Portland when he was attending Pacific Northwest Carpenters Institute; Jacob was enrolled in Portland State University Law. They were both at the _Crystal Ballroom_ when an inebriated young lady didn't realize a guy was trying to take her home, most likely expecting an _easy_ date. Once they figured out they were both on the _rescuing_ side, they persuaded the guy to get lost before putting the young woman in a cab with one of her friends. Both men went back inside the _Crystal Ballroom_ and bought each other a drink. Avery didn't drink alcohol. Instead, he drank a Diet Coke while Jacob took full advantage of Avery's dime and ordered a whiskey straight. The friendship began. When Avery moved back to Kansas to pursue his construction business, Jacob visited him several times before he decided he liked the area. A year later, Jacob bought his attorney business, clients included, from an old man who wanted to retire to Florida.

Besides hanging out from time-to-time, and Jacob helping him on a project here-and-there, they met for lunch every Wednesday. He'd built Jacob's house halfway between Wichita and Southwind, on a twenty-five-acre plot of land. It was his first full home build; he was proud of how it turned out, and... Also happy by how many people stopped by, in awe of the workmanship. Jacob wished the traffic would die off. He once told Avery, _if he knew he'd have to open his doors to complete strangers, showing off the house, he'd have bought a double wide and planted it on his land._ Avery laughed, but was sincerely grateful to Jacob for being his first build.

Jacob pulled into the parking lot right after him and the two shook hands before entering the Mexican restaurant. They always met at _La Chinita_ on North Broadway. There were quite a few Mexican restaurants in the middle of the continental United States, but _La Chinita_ was definitely the best. They ordered their lunch specials before Jacob sprung his news.

"I may have found land for you to lease," Jacob informed.

"Really?" he inquired, raising his eyebrows. "Near Wichita, or Southwind?"

"Southwind. Actually, within two miles of your place."

"You have my attention, explain."

Jacob took a drink of his iced tea before beginning, "A lady came to see me today. An attractive young lady, I might add. Actually, if we're talking sexy on a scale of one-to-ten probably a nine-point-nine."

"Really?" he asked for the second time in the past minute. "Not that I care about the attractiveness of the woman, but why does she only get a nine-point-nine, not a ten?"

"She's blonde," Jacob shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "You know I prefer brunettes."

They laughed as their food arrived and Jacob continued, "So, anyway, she has roughly two-thousand-acres and needs to lease out around five-hundred to pay back-taxes. She is going to sell half her cattle, if not all of it, but... I know you're not looking to get into the beef business, so I told her my interested party would rather not buy cattle."

Avery dropped his fork onto his plate. He rubbed his hands up over his eyes and picked his napkin up off his lap, coughing in it.

"You okay, Man?"

He stared at his friend blankly, "This woman..." he began before coughing again into the napkin. "You said she's blonde, right? What else can you tell me about her?"

Jacob smiled, "Oh, so now you're interested in the woman? What do you need to know besides she's good looking? I invited her to lunch, but she had to get back to Southwind."

"Her height. Her build. Eye color. If you have her name that would be the best answer," he felt himself turning red under his collar.

Jacob was puzzled but answered the questions anyway, "Her hair is blonde; I already told you that when I said it was her only flaw. As for the rest, the answers are medium height, thin, green eyes, and Ashlee Bracken," he reported. "Listen, I'm not sure what it is you're obviously getting upset about, but... I'm telling you the truth when I say there is land for lease."

"I can't," he muttered.

"What?" Jacob questioned. "I'm not one-hundred percent, but it sounded something like you said _I can't._ I can't what? Check out the girl, or... Lease the land? I don't see any reason why either one wouldn't work for you."

Avery sat back in his chair, dropping his napkin on the table. He exhaled and eyed his good friend, "No, you wouldn't know why I can't do either one of those things. It's a long story, but in-order-to shorten it, I'll say that I have a history with Ashlee, and... It's not a pretty one."

"So, you went out with her and then never called her again. Maybe she doesn't remember you?" he chuckled, "Okay, we know that's not a possibility...no one ever forgets Avery Harrison. All the women in the surrounding counties throw themselves at you every chance they get; I've seen it firsthand."

"You're funny," he replied. "No. It's more than a one-night deal, Jacob. I went to juvenile detention for her. She's the girl whose life I ruined when we were young teenagers. Do you remember me telling you about the drunk driving accident when I was fourteen?"

"Oh, Man... Dude, small world, huh?"

"I'll say."

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Jacob cleared his throat and said, "You know, she did tell me to contact the party interested in leasing and work out the details. She didn't want to have anything to do with it, said she'd sign where needed and the rent could be deposited automatically into the ranch bank account. She's trying to keep from filing chapter eleven or auctioning the ranch off."

He thought over Jacob's new revelation. _Could he possibly lease Ashlee's land without her knowing? Would he feel comfortable with the situation? Most likely she'd eventually know about it and would be upset. He couldn't do that to her, could he?_

They finished the meal while talking over the situation. When they parted ways, he left Jacob with no clear answer, except he'd think about it. Give him a week and he'd have a definite answer. The entire twenty minutes it took to return to Southwind he pondered if he could go through with the lease or not. _Was it ethical? Did ethics have anything to do with it?_ It was the perfect piece of land for his building. Less than ten minutes from his house, quick access to lumber, and he'd no longer have to make several trips to Wichita for supplies. Technically, it saved him valuable time and money. It was tempting to say the least, but if Ashlee ever found out, she'd kick him off the land for sure, he was positive of that. However, if he could remain anonymous, he could help save the ranch from auction.

He had a lot to think about and a huge decision to make.

### Chapter 15 ~ Ashlee

Friday night, Eli and I had dinner with Clare and Blacko again. I enjoyed hanging out with them; I hadn't known adult conversation and friends were missing from my life until visiting with Clare. It felt comfortable, like part of a family, and Eli enjoyed playing video games with Blacko. I explained to Clare how it was good for him because his adult _man_ influences were Toby, his grandfather, my two friends Jack and Victor, and now Frank. Clare agreed the bonding was good for Blacko as well. He had his Kaw brotherhood and his fellow officers, who sometimes alienated him due to his heritage, but this was a new relationship and it was good for him. We had a glass of wine on the back deck while Sam slept in a wrap Clare wore across her body.

"So... Leasing the land, huh?" she questioned.

"Yes, it appears like I'll be around for a while. At least that's what Eli wants, and to be honest with you, I don't have anything holding me to California except Toby's family and a few friends. Truthfully, I'm enjoying it here. Did I tell you that I went to the old bakery? I did, I took Eli and we had sandwiches. I didn't even have a freak out moment, although I still haven't gone into their bedroom."

"It'll happen, Ash. Don't worry about the bedroom. Someday, you'll need in the room for some reason, or another, and not think twice about it," Clare reassured me.

"Yeah, probably," I conceded as I took another sip of my wine.

"Hey!" Clare shrilled, startling me and the baby, "Oh, sorry, Sweetie," she calmed. "I have an idea. Ash, do you want to go dancing tomorrow night? My parents are keeping Sam a few hours. Blacko and I are going to The Barn for some line dancing. I'd love it if you came along. I only have as much time as a couple of bottles, but at least it's some time away."

"I think...that sounds great. Honestly, I only had plans to sit at home, and do nothing. Eli made plans with Frank and his grandkids for another sleepover. I swear, if we do stay here, I'm never going to get to see my kid again," I laughed. "Maybe I can convince Ryan to go too. Even if we aren't romantically involved, he's an excellent dancer."

"To dancing," she lifted her glass and clinked mine; we drowned the last of our drinks.

Way too early on Saturday morning, Eli and I were awakened by Lannie shouting up the stairs for us to come quickly to the barn. I closed my robe over my tank top and sleep shorts before throwing my boots on. It was a fantastic look for me, but Lannie was frantic; I didn't know if the barn was on fire or what was happening. We ran to the barn and found a horse in labor. Birth was happening sooner rather than later. Frank wanted Eli near, so he could witness his first ranch birth. I'd seen numerous births throughout my childhood but was always amazed at the process. Frank had a special spot reserved for Eli to sit; it was high upon the stall in a makeshift chair. I told everyone I was going to make coffee; I couldn't do this without caffeine. I'd return with the hot brew for all the early morning witnesses.

In the way of births, it ended up being a longer one. The mare had birthed once before, but it didn't guarantee this time would be faster. Around four in the morning, three hours after we were called to spectate, the foal was out, and the mama was licking her clean. Frank was down next to her whispering how she did an excellent job and her baby was beautiful. Eli was all eyes and ears about every detail. I yawned and asked if he wanted to return to his bed or if he was going to keep watch. His decision only took a millisecond; he stayed. I retreated to my bed and pulled the blankets over my head; smiling ear to ear, my son, the rancher, was in love with all the animals on the ranch. My dreams were filled with a raven-haired, steel-eyed boy surrounded by animals from all over the world.

The day was busy with the new foal. Eli found me every time she accomplished a new task. Of course, she stood, walked, and ate from her mother, all before I woke the second time, but... Then, I had to hear how she tried running, how she sounded neighing, and how she was taking a long nap. Too long for my kid's patience.

"Jeez, Mom, I think being born exhausted her," he said as we glided on the porch swing. He had his favorite kitten in his lap and Tiger was purring quietly. He stroked his scrawny back and then inquired, "Did you know Frank said I could name the new horse? What's a good horse name?"

"Well, that depends on what she's going to be, I guess," I answered. He looked up at me with a questioning face and I elaborated, "See, if she'll be a barrel racer then she needs a name an announcer can say easily but still makes her sound fierce. I once had one named _Paint the Wind_ and another named _Double Time_. If she's going to be a breeder, then she needs a prominent name and it'll have to include her father's name at the end. You always include the steeds' name of the offspring. She might end up with five or six names, but you'll only call her by one name."

"Oh. Well, how do I know what she is going to grow up to be?"

"That would be up to Frank. I think it depends on who her father was and what markings she has on her. You'll have to ask him."

Next thing I knew, Eli was throwing the kitten in my lap while he ran off calling Frank's name.

"Well, he sure is here and gone in the blink of an eye, isn't he?" I asked the cat. Frightened over what had happened to him, the striped cat disappeared into the nook of my arm, hiding his face. I gently stroked his little body, coaxing him to take-a-peek, "Don't worry, Tiger. He'll be back for you I'm sure. Well, he'll be back for lunch anyway. The kid doesn't say no to food."

Frank came to get Eli right after dinner; the boys wanted to go fishing. They planned to fish, and camp, on the north side of the lake. I was assured their camp-out would be supervised so there was nothing for me to worry about. _Go dancing with Clare and have a great night,_ I was told. Earlier in the week, when I was in Wichita, I bought a couple of shirts to fit with the Kansas climate and line dance scene. One was a turquoise colored, button-down with no sleeves and the other was a girly cut red tee shirt with _Cowgirl Up_ written in sparkly lettering across the front. I decided on the turquoise one with my faded tight jeans and boots. I wore my favorite belt buckle, it read _BRACKEN_ in rhinestones. Ryan and I planned on meeting at The Barn as he was coming from out of town and wouldn't make it back until around nine.

I told Clare, I'd meet her and Blacko and went early. I wanted to talk to Rose about the building. I was eager to find out who remodeled the inside and built the new bar. I took a stool at the bar and let the waitress bring me a beer while I waited. Ryan had told me Rose was in her seventies, so I expected an old lady to hobble out with her walker. I was not expecting the lady who stopped opposite me at the bar. She had silver hair cut short like most older women do, but hers was done up with hairspray and gel, keeping it standing on end in a spike do. The lady had wrinkles everywhere, pink lipstick, and cat eye makeup. She was decked out in black spandex pants, a plaid hot pink and black, button up shirt, along with black cowgirl boots. Surprisingly enough, she pulled it off well. She studied me the same as I did her.

"I'm Rose," she stated. "You're the one who was asking for me?"

I was too shocked to speak at first but recovered quickly, "Yes, I... Uh...you're Rose?"

"Yes, Ma'am. That's what I said, isn't it? Is there something I can help you with?" she demanded gently.

I dropped my attention to the glossy wood on the bar, "Yes, sorry, I was wondering who you use as your builder. This bar is gorgeous. The beams in here are new, aren't they?" I questioned while nervously smoothing the bar flat with my fingertips.

She leaned forward, followed the path my fingers took as they created an invisible line down the bar, before returning to my stare.

"I use Harry's Wood," she replied bluntly. "He's local and he's good. He takes his time to get it done right the first time. He doesn't have much overhead since he works alone or with a small crew. Only problem is, the job takes about twice as long as big companies can do them, but I don't care much about that." She came around the end of the bar and sat on a stool next to mine, "Are you looking to build around here, Honey?"

"Not at this moment, but... Maybe... In-the-near-future. I don't have anything per se, I need built, but I find myself mesmerized by the mans' work," I said as I held out my hand. "Hi, I'm Ashlee. Sorry about the stare down before, I was thrown off by your clothing and make-up for a place like this, especially the central United States. I'm used to seeing your look in California, but not here. You look awesome by the way. You have to let me in on your anti-aging secret."

Rose dropped my hand, smiled, and took a wine glass from the bartender. She pointed to the dark liquid inside.

"Elderberry wine. Shh... It's a secret. I drink a glass a day; sometimes, I drink Elderberry juice too. Would you like a sample?" she motioned for the bartender to bring another.

"No, it's okay. I'm actually fine with my—" The bartender set another wine glass down on the bar top in front of me. "—beer." I replied. Out of politeness, I lifted the glass to my nose and took a sniff. _Hmm... It doesn't smell bad._ What in the world an elderberry was, I had no clue. I tipped the glass and found out. Setting the glass on the bar, I savored the taste a moment while Rose waited my response. It wasn't bad. _Not bad at all, truthfully._

I took another sip, "Wow. It's pretty good. I have no idea what an elderberry is and what it's supposed to do for my health, or beauty, but it's delicious."

"Elderberries are good for everything. They make your hair luscious, your finger nails, teeth, and bones strong. Plus, there's all kinds of vitamins in them. Honestly, I don't care about the health benefits as-long-as my doctor says I can have a glass every day. Oh, listen, Ashlee, that's what you said your name was, right?" I nodded, and she continued, "The builder, he's going to play guitar and sing tonight. Has a great voice, that one. And, he's not bad to look at either."

"The builder sings?" I asked, astonished. "And, plays guitar?"

"Yep, he's on at ten so stick around," she noted, sliding off her bar stool. "If you get to talk to him tell him you're a friend of Rose's and he'll be sweet to you. Otherwise, he's kind of grumpy; hard life and all that."

She waved her hand in the air, disappearing into a door behind the bar. I assumed it was her office. I turned in my seat at the same time Clare and Blacko stepped through the front door.

"Starting without us, I see," Clare pointed to my drinks on the bar.

"Just one...err, two, I guess. Rose made me try this Elderberry wine, it's delicious. You want a taste?"

I held my glass out and she sniffed. Her eyes brightened. She shrugged before taking a drink.

"Mm... That's good stuff. I'm going to have to order it instead of my usual Pinot Noir, "Bartender!" Clare waved and asked for a glass for herself and a beer for Blacko.

Ryan crept into our group and saddled up to the bar right behind me. "Hi gorgeous," he greeted, grabbing me from behind.

"Ryan!" I screeched as I turned around in his arms for a hug. "I'm so happy you could make it, and equally happy I won't be the third wheel."

All three of my new friends laughed.

We spent a few minutes with introductions. Clare was able to finally stop drooling when her husband and Ryan arm wrestled, and Blacko won. I was pretty sure Ryan let him win as not to hurt Blacko's pride. Not that Blacko wasn't built, but Ryan was definitely the bigger guy. The builder slash guitarist slash singer hadn't started up yet. However, country music was piping through the speakers, so we took to the dance floor for a few songs before getting some more drinks.

At exactly ten o'clock, the man took the stage. He was taller than me but not like Ryan or Blacko. Probably five-foot ten, or eleven. He had what I thought was blonde hair sticking out from under his cowboy hat, but I couldn't see his face at all; his hat was set low where he didn't allow much to be seen. _Mysterious. Hmm..._ His shoulders were broad; his chest built. _Yep, he looks like a builder._ He sat on a stool tuning his guitar while we sat at the bar drinking our drinks.

Blacko turned to our group and questioned, "I wonder why he's wearing his hat low on his head? Trying out a new look or some—ouch! What was that for?" he demanded of Clare.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Did you hurt yourself?" she pleaded. I didn't miss the look exchanged between them.

"What's going on, you two?" I asked.

"Us...err...nothing. I mean... I think Blacko should think about spinning me on the dance floor," she declared. "C'mon, Love, let's go. He's playing one of my favorites."

The guitarist strummed the familiar chords to _Check Yes or No_ by George Strait.

Ryan took my beer from my hand, before pulling me to the dance floor after the love birds and echoed, "Let's go, Love."

"You do remember we've already established there's no fire between us. Or, have you changed your mind?"

"No. I was giving you the couple treatment. Wait... Have you changed your mind?" he stopped right in the middle of the dance floor, meeting my eyes.

"I wish," I admitted before I leaned forward and gently kissed his lips. "Nope, still big brother material, but one hell of a dancer, so let's do this, Love."

We danced through George, Garth and a current one from Dierks Bentley before we took a breather. I downed my beer while watching the singer slash guitarist slash builder on stage. He traded his acoustic guitar for an electric one and started off with one of my favorite Keith Urban songs. I enjoyed the guitar solo in the song and sat back on my bar stool, soaking it in.

"God, I love this song," I shouted into Clare's ear. "And, he plays it so well."

She nodded and replied, "Yep. He's extremely talented, Ash."

We drank, ate pretzels, and danced the evening away. The guitarist took a break. When he said he'd be back in forty minutes, I told my friends I needed to step outside for some fresh air. None of the four of us smoked, but all the smokers were outside. I walked right through a cloud. Choking on a lung full of second hand smoke, I began a coughing fit.

I was still coughing when Ryan came up behind me, "You okay?" He worried while patting my back as I leaned over trying to breathe.

"Yeah, fine" I managed between breaths. "I don't handle cigarette smoke well."

Clare and Blacko came to stand beside us. "You need me to arrest someone?" Blacko teased.

"Yes, please. Arrest them all for contaminating my lungs," I joked. I took another deep breath, "No. Really, I'm good now; I needed to get a couple breaths of fresh air, is all."

I'd had quite a few beers already but was enjoying myself; I didn't want to go home yet. Plus, it was still early in the night.

"Wow, I can't believe how nice it is out here tonight. I'm going to soak this in a few minutes. Look at how many stars you can see!" I pointed to the purple night sky and all the twinkling lights.

"Are you sure they're smoking cigarettes?" I heard Clare ask Blacko.

"I'm fine; I'm not high, or anything. At least, I don't think so, I've never been high; I guess I wouldn't know, would I?"

"Well, when you start talking stars, night sky, and beautiful, you sound a little dopey. Don't they have stars in California?" she clarified.

"Well, of course they do, Silly. But, the sky is never purple. It always seems there's light coming from somewhere," I laughed, adding, "City lights don't let the sky darken where you can see thousands of stars, more like one-hundred. One time though, almost nine years ago, I went out on the Pacific in a sail boat. I saw the stars in a different light. Literally."

"Do you want me to take you home, Ashlee?" Ryan questioned.

"Nah, this party is just getting started. Let's go back inside and dance."

"You sure you're okay?" Clare worried.

"I'm okay. I promise. I don't drink often, but when I do, I don't seem to have problems," I explained. _Okay... Maybe I was feeling a little buzzed, but I'm having fun. And, I haven't had fun like this in a long while._ I wasn't about to let my friends stop my fun.

"If you say so," she replied.

"C'mon, let's go dance," I ordered as I pulled Ryan along.

The guitarist was gearing back up with his acoustic guitar. I went straight to the bar and ordered a glass of water, showing my company, I was doing fine.

Blacko laughed and I heard him call me a Little Spitfire.

"Exactly. That's how I remember her, and it's also what worries me the most," Clare laughed too.

We hit the dance floor for a few more songs before I leaned close to Ryan's ear and whispered, "I'm thirsty. Let's get another beer."

"Sounds good," he returned with his own whisper.

We left Clare and Blacko dancing a slow one to _Keeper of the Stars_ by Tracy Byrd, and sat at the bar.

I put two fingers up and yelled toward the opposite end of the bar, "Bartender, two please!"

We sat through a few songs and had a decent conversation about the cattle and how the plans were possibly changing. Ryan said he understood I had to do what I had to do with the property, but he hoped to stick around Southwind and work the ranch if he could. I told him, of course, I wanted to keep him. He was, after all, my newest best friend.

A lady in a blue dress with a hefty chest sat down on the other side of Ryan. She had long, gorgeous dark hair and seemed to be alone. I caught Ryan checking her out and laughed.

"What?" he attempted playing innocent only to bust up laughing within a few seconds, himself.

I hopped off my bar stool, feeling like I was ten feet tall and bullet proof, I walked around to her side.

I stuck out my hand, "Hi. I'm Ashlee. I was wondering if you came here alone, or... Have you got a date?"

"Ashlee!" Ryan shrieked and grabbed my arm, pulling me back. "Forgive her, please. She doesn't have a clue what she's doing, and she may have had a bit too much. I'm sorry."

The woman waved a hand and said, "No, its fine. I'm sorry though, I'm not into women."

My mouth dropped open in shock. When I put it back together, I choked out a response, "Oh. Uh... I'm not either, I was asking for my friend." I explained poking Ryan in the chest.

She smiled and held out her hand across Ryan to me. "In that case, I'm Greta. Greta Hastings. Aren't you Ashlee Bracken?"

I looked her over before remembering a Greta back in middle school, "Yes, I am. Greta? Hastings?" I tried the name out. "Oh! I remember you. We rode the bus together; you were a couple stops before mine. How have you been? What have you been doing?"

"Oh, fine. I moved to Texas after high school, spreading my wings; you know what I mean?" she shrugged her shoulders in an understanding sort of fashion.

"That's great. Whereabouts in Texas? I've not been there. I've been in California since before freshman year and I'm still out there, but visiting Southwind for a few weeks."

"Galveston. I completed nursing school down South, and then came back here last year to help with my father's daily care. He was ill, terminal lung cancer."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Greta. Losing a parent isn't easy," I gulped. The realization of the door I opened came a moment too late and I couldn't prevent her from acknowledging my own parents' death.

"I'm sorry too, Ashlee. I never got to say it when the accident happened, and... Who knows if I would've said anything, we were young, but you do know what it's like to lose not only one but both parents. People say it'll get easier over time, but... I think the saying only comforts the person saying it."

I nodded my agreement, not trusting myself to say much on the subject. Suddenly, I remembered Ryan, beside me. I saw him look her over top to bottom, so... I pulled him into the conversation.

"Let me introduce you to my cattle rancher, Ryan."

"Well, hello," she greeted as they adjusted the space between them. "I'm Greta, and... I'm guessing you heard."

"Ryan," he acknowledged with a handshake.

"OhEmGee," I chided, rolling my eyes, "Will you please stop ogling her and ask her to dance."

They both glanced at me with question.

"Go. Shoo. Dance." I urged, pushing them toward the dance floor.

I watched as they moved and smiled to myself. _Well, at least he seems to like her well enough; maybe they'll have chemistry._

Clare and Blacko returned, giving me a questioning look.

"It's fine," I explained. "I sent them out there together. I didn't want Ryan to feel like he was saddled with me all evening and couldn't play the field."

"Ah, got it. You're truly the all-around greatest friend someone could ask for, Ash," Clare hugged me.

"I know, I know. Best third wheel ever."

She laughed, "We're ready to head out and relieve my parents of Sam; do you need a ride home?"

"Nah, I'm all good," I replied. "I'll probably settle up here in a bit and go home too. I have to make sure she's not going to eat Ryan alive. You know that's Greta Hastings? My-oh-my, how she's changed from the freckle faced, pig-tail wearing, braces dork, huh? Not to mention her former flat chest."

"Yes, she has. She went out with Brandon Scott during junior and senior year and I heard she left right after high school because she caught him messing around with Cindy Morton the night of graduation. Rumor has it she wouldn't sleep with him, so he tried Cindy. Rumor also has it, Cindy decked him because he told her Greta and he had broken up. And, he had to see a doctor because he couldn't stand up straight for an entire week. Can you imagine?"

"Poor guy," Blacko said.

We turned toward him, asking in unison, "What?"

"I was thinking of his family jewels," he explained.

"You would, Honey," Clare sighed as she touched his cheek. "But in my book, and I'm thinking most women's, any guy who is a two-timer deserves to be decked. Amiright?"

"Absolutely," I declared with a smile, "Hopefully Greta will have better luck with Ryan, at least they seem to be enjoying each other."

We said our goodbyes and I ordered another beer. Sitting alone at the bar through a few songs while Ryan danced with Greta, I watched the guitarist play. One of the songs was _She Used to be Mine_ by Brooks and Dunn. It was a song I'd heard often while growing up. Most people think Californians listen to West Coast rap and alternative rock, but actually country music is played as often if not more, in some areas. Monterey, wasn't any different. I listened to an array of music, but country was still my favorite genre.

The singer began the first verse, singing about a woman who'd left him, how she was linked with a new man, how they danced and how he once had broken her heart. The lyrics seemed personal and I couldn't help but think the guitarist himself had once felt the grief he sang of. All artists of music intrigued me. My niece, Rebekah, was aspiring to be a recording artist. It was all she spoke of lately as she pleaded with her mother and father to take her to Nashville for summer vacation. She'd started with the piano at the age of three, not long after I had moved in with the family. She quickly mastered several songs and moved on to the violin, fiddle, guitar, banjo and drums. She was well rounded in the music department and sang along with everything she played, except the fiddle and violin, as it was hard to sing with an instrument under your chin.

I brought my attention back to the song as the singer sang the chorus two more times before the song ended. I watched him play and sing and then caught him looking my way. Catching his eyes sent a shiver up my spine and I turned my head toward the dance floor quickly.

"Those eyes," I stated out loud. I could feel them on me; I didn't dare glance back his way. The song was sad, and I felt a tear threaten my make-up; I wiped it away quickly. _What on God's green earth am I crying for?_ I demanded. I finished my beer and ordered another.

Ryan and I danced a few times between him and Greta's turn on the floor. The three of us chatted at the bar when we weren't dancing.

An hour, and three more beers later, I felt the need to pee.

"I think... I may need to use the little girls' room," I volunteered.

Hopping off my stool, I felt the room began to spin. I thought I was going to face plant right on the bar floor, but Ryan caught my arm.

"Whoa there, Missy," he cautioned. "I don't think you're going to make it to the restroom without help. Greta, you think you can help her inside?"

"Sure," she replied.

They walked me to the restroom, where I was able to get inside and remarkably, still undress myself. I sat on the toilet while Greta messed with her hair and make-up.

"Greta?" I pondered.

"Yes, Hon, do you need help?"

"No. No, I'm okay, I wanted to say thanks and tell you how cute you and Ryan are together. He's a good guy...that Ryan," I managed to slur. I knew my words were off, I could feel the drunkenness overtake me. I heard Greta laugh.

"Well... Thank you, Ashlee. I think he's really nice and I'm hoping he likes me too," she paused. "Can I ask you something, Ashlee?"

"Yeppers."

"Okay," she continued. "Why aren't you going out with Ryan?"

"Me? Uh... Well, we kind of tried...tried that out last weekend but it felt like kissing my brother and he says I feel like kissing his sister so we decided to hell with the love thing and settled on being friends," I tried explaining, but half of my words were unfinished. I wanted to go to sleep on the toilet.

The P.A. system announced it was time to close-up for the night and everyone needed to pay tabs.

"Crap!" I shrilled as I fumbled with my jeans and exiting the bathroom stall. "I need to pay my tab," I explained to Greta's shocked face as I stumbled out of the door and attempted walking toward the end of the bar and my blurry friend Ryan. The bar seemed farther and farther from me the more I traveled toward it. I stopped, feeling the room spin again. The outline of a person stood before me, blocking my path. I tried focusing on the face, but no matter how many times I blinked, I saw Avery Harrison. The last thing I remember before the lights went out was saying Avery's name out loud.

### Chapter 16 ~ Avery

_How long was she going to be in the damn restroom? Seriously._ Greta and Ash had gone in there what seemed like ten minutes before. He'd already packed up his guitars, unplugged all his equipment, loading them into his truck. He came back inside to collect his cut from Rose and pay Ashlee's tab. She was not looking well when Greta and Ryan helped her to the bathroom. He didn't really want to run into her while she was coming out, but he needed to make sure she was going to be all right. He'd watched her earlier in the evening while he played, and she'd caught his stare. He hoped she didn't recognize him, but he didn't see her look at him again all night. _God, she was beautiful. Then you throw in that blue shirt and those tight jeans? Perfection. Stop. Just stop thinking of her, Avery,_ he scolded himself. He shook her from his mind the same moment she stumbled out of the restroom fumbling in her pocket for something.

He tried to stay where he was at one end of the bar, but she wasn't exactly walking, more like stumbling, and Greta was failing to keep up with her. He caught her eyes for a moment, noticed the glassy look and her confused expression just as he reached out, catching her.

"Avery?"

It was all she said before passing out in his arms.

"I've got her," he spoke to Ryan as the man tried to take her from him.

"I believe you when you say it, but I need to make sure she makes it home safe," Ryan answered with a glare.

"I know where she lives. I've got it under control," he assured the cattle manager as he cradled her in both his arms, her head slung back over his arm.

"Are you sure? What says you're not going to take advantage of her in her inebriated state? Or, murder her?"

"Seriously? Do you honestly think I'm into somnophilia?" he questioned. "I'll be a perfect gentleman."

The two men stared each other down over Ashlee's collapsed body.

"Rose!" Avery boomed.

"Yes?" Rose came around the bar between the men.

"Please tell Mr. Payne here that I am perfectly capable of taking Ashlee to her house and that I will not under any circumstances rape or murder her," he commanded without taking his eyes off Ryan.

Rose cackled, "Oh dear, he better not rape, or murder the poor young thing, or... I'll shoot him dead myself."

The two men continued staring.

"Fine," Ryan conceded. "I'll follow you to her house in her vehicle. Greta, you can pick me up there. Does that work for you?"

"Absolutely," she replied, enthusiastically.

Avery watched the two of them exchange a heated look and caught their intentions. He rolled his eyes upward. _Really? Flirting? While we're trying to figure out what to do with the woman passed out in my arms, they're seriously thinking about their rendezvous after._

Exhaling, he turned toward Rose, "Thank you for vouching for me, Rose." He bent slightly and kissed the top of the old woman's head. "I won't disappoint you, and you won't need to kill me."

"You better know what you're doing," she scolded loud enough for his ears only.

"I promise, I do," he replied. He pushed past the crowd, toward the front, catching Rose's look before he backed through the door. _I'm definitely going to be grilled for this, but...right now, I'll worry about getting Ashlee home safely._

In the parking lot, he ran into a snag. They needed keys to Ashlee's Jeep, but no one saw her with a purse. He thought about her skin-tight jeans. No way was he going to attempt digging in her pocket with Ryan standing right there accusing him of wanting to have sex with a sleeping woman.

He met Ryan's eyes and asked, "What now?"

Ryan shrugged. They both turned their eyes toward Greta.

"Oh, for the love of all things holy," she said throwing her hands in the air and moving between the two men. She bent over Ashlee and felt both front pockets until she found the key. After digging it out, she handed it to Ryan, kissed his cheek, and whispered she'd meet him at the Bracken Ranch.

Ten minutes later, Avery pulled up the long drive; Ryan right on his tail, in her Jeep. She was still passed out in the passenger seat of his pick-up truck, her head leaning against the glass of the window.

He glanced her way, "What am I going to do with you? You were supposed to stay in California forever and I was never supposed to see you again. It was my punishment, remember?"

She made a sound through her nose and stirred against the door. He turned off the ignition and hopped out of the truck. On the other side, and with Ryan acting as his shadow, he carefully opened the passenger door and caught her before she fell. She immediately put her hands around Avery's neck and murmured _thank you_ into his chest.

"No Problem," he replied as he carried her to the front porch swing. He laid her down and then stood, hovering.

"You're going to leave her there?" Ryan asked.

"No, but I need to go through the back door and open the front before I take her the rest of the way. Do you have her keys?"

"I'll do it," he replied before walking around the back of the house. In the same moment, Greta pulled into the drive. He held up his finger, letting her know he'd be a minute.

Thirty seconds later, he popped through the front door and propped it for Avery to carry her inside. He looked at Greta waiting in the truck, "Are you sure you got this?"

"Positive. I'll help her in as soon as she is coherent. I don't want her vomiting and choking on it," he insisted.

"I'll leave you to it then, Man. And, listen, I'll be stopping by tomorrow to check on her, I better find her healthy, understood?"

"I already gave my word; no harm will come to her."

Ryan looked Avery up and down once more before walking to his truck and leaving.

"Have a good night y'all," Avery called after them as they drove away.

After Ryan and Greta were gone, he sat on the swing next to Ashlee and she snuggled her head into his lap as if it were her pillow. She stirred, before returning to a slight snore.

"Ash, what are you doing? Don't you know how to drink? Of course, you don't. I could tell from the minute I saw you, you're not much of a drinker. And... I'm guessing you're about a buck-twenty; how'd you expect to hold all that liquor?" he smoothed her hair and she settled her head, facing the porch ceiling.

"God, how I've wanted to hold you over the years. How I've wanted to see your smile, your laugh, your face," his attention traveled across the yard toward the horse barn. "Remember when we used to ride Sunny and Penny all afternoon? Remember when you said nothing would ever keep us apart?" he shook his head at the thought. "Well, that wasn't meant to be, was it? God had other plans for us. And now look, I'm here talking to you and you're passed out and can't even respond," he kept his gaze away from her. "I'm sorry, Ash, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for protecting my pops, I'm sorry for your parents, I'm sorry for us. I could sit here and say sorry a million times and it will never be enough; no, it'd never be enough for me, or you."

He felt her move and dropped his eyes to her face.

"Avery?" she asked.

"Yes, Ash, it's me."

"I..." she began before quickly pulling her hand up, covering her mouth, "I... I think I'm going to be sick."

He sat her up, supporting her as he led her down the front steps to the ground, right before she heaved all over the bushes.

"It's okay, Ash," he told her as he held her hair back. "It's normal to throw up after drinking as much as you did."

She retched again, and again, before she paused. She looked at him and demanded, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm helping you. You were at The Barn, you were really drunk, so... I helped you home." He saw the look of disgust on her face, and instantly knew. _She hated him. Of course, she hates me, why wouldn't she? Her parents are dead because of me. I'd hate myself too,_ he thought.

"No. I mean what are you doing out of prison?" she spat. "You're a murderer! Why are you out of prison? Why? Toby said you'd be there for a long time and I'd never have to worry about seeing you again. And... Oh... Oh, my goodness...the world...it's spinning so fast."

He attempted helping her stand, but she pushed herself away dramatically and fell. He went to her and tried helping her onto her feet, but... She put her hand out, stopping him. Tears streamed down her face.

"Don't...don't you dare touch me," she yelled as she sat on the ground for several minutes.

He wanted to help, but she was adamant upon him not touching her. She dry-heaved for quite a while. Finally, he took hold of her arm, comforting her carefully, and getting away with it for a moment.

"Listen, Ashlee, I know it's a shock seeing me, and... I tried my hardest to stay away from you, but tonight, I couldn't. I had to make sure you were safe."

She pounded her fists into his chest while crying in pain; he caught her wrists in his hands and sank to the steps as she did. She was hysterical, and he felt awful, causing her pain.

"Ashlee?" he asked as he placed his hands on either side of her face and made her meet his eyes, "I'm sorry. As-soon-as you're safely inside, I'll leave."

She held his eyes with her own, took several deep breaths, stood and pointed to his truck, "Get off my property or I'm calling the police."

His eyes flickered back and forth with hers, wrestling with every emotion in his body; he said nothing.

She quavered and pointed again to the truck, "Get out of here. Did you not hear me? Get out of here, I never want to see you again!"

"Are you going to go inside?" he still held her. She realized, and pulled free.

Tears ran freely from both eyes. She hadn't wiped at them, and he desperately wanted to brush them away for her. Her face was bright red with anger and beginning to turn purple with her screaming.

"Go!"

"Answer me first," he coaxed.

"Yes!" she screamed again at him. "Now, get out of here!"

He hesitated, wanting to say more, then, thinking better of it, turned to leave. He decided he'd take his truck and drive down her drive where she couldn't see him and park. He sat in his truck and turned, catching one more glimpse of her before turning the key. She stood in her front yard with her hands on her hips waiting for him to go. Reluctantly, he left.

Chapter 17 ~ Ashlee

"What the hell just happened?" I asked myself as I paced. "I was out dancing with friends and somehow end up puking my guts out, in my front yard, while Avery Harrison holds my hair back? Avery? How? What?" I couldn't fathom where to begin, "What is he doing out of jail? I know he went in as a juvenile, but didn't he transfer over to prison when he was eighteen? I mean, he killed two people. My two people! Doesn't that constitute jail time for the rest of his life?"

I sank to my knees...covered my eyes, and bawled. Sitting for quite a while, I didn't know how much time passed, but... It felt like an eternity and nothing. _Minutes? An hour?_ It really didn't matter; I needed the meltdown.

I heard a familiar neigh from the barn and my head instinctively shot up. I wiped my cheeks clean and stood. _Sunny. I need my horse._ Happy the dizziness had left me with the massive puking, I walked over to the barn. Inside, I found her alert and stomping.

"That's right, girl. I'm ready to do this. No better time than the present," I assured her.

I entered the tack room and pulled everything needed to saddle her up. I was still a little queasy, but didn't feel I was going to pass out anymore. I whispered to Sunny as I prepared her for the ride. I talked about my parents. How beautiful my mother was; how hard working and handsome my father was; how much they loved me and all the animals on the ranch... The tears ran down my cheeks as I spoke. I finished saddling and opened the gate. She marched out, not needing me to lead her through the barn entrance. I saw Avery leaning up against the fence post at the edge of the property.

I mounted Sunny before throwing him a glare, "I told you to leave!"

"And, I promised some people I'd make sure you made it safely inside your house," he insisted. "I can see now, you aren't going to be agreeable. Somehow I'm not surprised."

"You," I huffed at him. "You, don't have any say over what I do, or don't do, Avery Harrison. You need to leave." My horse was ancy to ride.

"I'll keep my distance, Ash, but... I'm not leaving until you're in for the night; I promised Ryan."

"Ryan is not my keeper either," I hissed. Tired of this cat and mouse game and wanting to get away from him, I spat, "If you aren't leaving, then... I am." I turned Sunny and we bolted for the open pasture.

_"ASSSSHHHHLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_ I heard him yell behind me but didn't care. I wanted to get away and be free of the nightmare.

I was thankful horses could see well at night, because it was pitch black and I couldn't see a darn thing. No moon, only the stars and the deep, dark purple sky. I took my aggression out on Sunny the first fifteen minutes of the ride. She was panting heavily by the time I realized she hadn't been ridden hard in a long time.

"I'm sorry, girl," I pleaded with her as we slowed.

We rode in silence for another hour before I turned down an old country road which led to the edge of town. When we cleared the brush, we stood at the edge of the town cemetery. I stared. I hadn't attended the burial after my parents' funeral. I was too hysterical during the funeral to stand up; Jenna took me back to the house where I packed up a few things, waited for Toby to return, and left town. I remember Jenna whispering to Toby how I needed to see someone in California because I was a zombie. And, I was. After a week in California, Toby took me to talk to a therapist named Dr. Sharon. I remembered it was her first name and since I was young, she wanted to be on a first name basis. Jenna was right; I needed to talk about my parents. It turned out I was in shock and I needed twice weekly visits to learn how to cope. I stayed with Dr. Sharon for a year before declaring myself healed. Dr. Sharon didn't exactly agree, but... _did_ decide I'd put enough of the trauma behind me, allowing my visits to decrease to every other week. From there, I weaned down to a session every other month and by the time I was pregnant I wasn't seeing the good doctor at all.

As I sat on Sunny's back, I wondered what Dr. Sharon would have me do.

"Do I go in?" I asked the non-present doctor.

_Of course, you do, Sweetie._ In my head, the doctor answered me. _It's where your parents are resting. You know they're in heaven, but you want to see where they're resting, don't you?_

I glanced around, not one-hundred percent sure Doctor Sharon wasn't present. Or... It could be my subconscious answering. _Yes, Ma'am, it was definitely a hallucination._ Sliding off Sunny, I led her through the gate.

"If I'm going in, you are too," I threatened. Sunny nudged my arm in response. "I don't have a clue where they're buried, Sunny, and... I can barely see," I pulled my cell phone from my back pocket and turned on the flashlight app. It was bright, allowing me the ability to read names on tombstones, "Well, there you go; something useful for once."

Sunny and I walked the graveyard for twenty minutes before I found my parents. I tied the horse to the nearest tree and let her graze while I went back to the burial plots. They were together on the same dark-grey granite headstone. Two hearts intertwined on the front with their names inside the hearts. Their birth dates, they were only separated by one year and two days, with my mother being older, and, of course, their death dates the same. A shiver went down my spine. I fell to my hands and knees on their plot and wept for them. When I could no longer kneel, I laid down on the cool grass, closer. As I curled onto my side and cried for the parent's I loved so dearly, the thought of how I ended up here, in this moment, didn't elude me. _Avery. Damn him. All of it was entirely his fault. None of this would be happening right now, if it wasn't for Avery, and the accident he caused._

I remembered the day we were planning to go to the lake, years before, when it all began. I knew it was possible some of the older boys were going to try and score some beer. Avery and I had talked about it and agreed we were going to _Just Say No_ , when offered. We decided together; we were too young. Not to mention, our reason for going on the camp-out was to spend time together as boyfriend and girlfriend. I always wondered what changed his mind. _Why did he decide to drink anyway? And why was he already drinking before going to the lake? Didn't he think he'd get caught; if not by his dad, most definitely by my parents who'd be driving us there?_ Surely, he'd know they'd smell alcohol on him. He was always telling me how his dad reeked of beer after one or two drinks. I never understood why he changed his mind about the drinking; he was adamant about not drinking because his dad had issues with alcohol. _Had he decided to try and impress the older boys?_

"Well, I guess if I really wanted to know, I could ask him," I noted out loud to my parents' plot. "Although... I don't plan on talking to him...ever again," I sat up and declared. "That's right, Mom and Dad. I'm not even going to speak to the jerk. I'm going to go home, pack my bags, and get the hell out of here," I stood and brushed off the grass I had accumulated while lying on the ground, when something on the top of the headstone caught my attention. Two single roses.

"What?" I stammered, "Who?" I shook my head, thinking about the single rose I found on my kitchen table a week ago. I picked up the roses and noticed they were wilted, "Oh no, tell me he did not leave the roses." Yet, I knew the truth of it. Left outside, with no water keeping them filled, they appeared about a week old.

I moved quickly to Sunny and mounted her saddle with the roses in hand. I rode her at a gallop all the way back to the ranch. Since I was on a mission to get there, I took the shortest route and was there within twenty minutes. Sure enough, he was still at my place. Although, he must've thought he was something, because he was lying on the front porch swing with his cowboy hat on his face. _Asleep? Oh, I sure hope so, because I have plans for him,_ I thought. Quietly, I lead Sunny into the barn and removed her saddle. She immediately went to the water trough and drank thirstily.

"I'm sorry, Babe," I pleaded with the animal, "I guess I worked you out, huh?"

I gave her an apple and brushed her down quickly. When she was all taken care of, I snatched the roses from the chair I'd set them on and marched toward the front porch.

"Get up!" I yelled as I dumped the swing.

He fell to the floor with a thud and his arms flailing. If I wasn't so pissed off, it would've been comical.

"What?" he sputtered. "What the hell, Ash? Are you out of your mind?"

"Yes!" I shouted. "As a matter of fact, I am. Get the hell up and get out of here you...you...you sicko!"

"For the love of God, Ash. I simply wanted to make sure you were safe. If I thought you wouldn't have me arrested I would've saddled up and gone after you, but I can see you made it back fine, still awfully pissed," he conceded as he rubbed his tail bone and attempted to stand, picking his hat up along the way. "Can't a man be a gentleman and make sure a girl is okay?"

"A gentleman?" I snapped. "You're hardly a gentleman Avery. First, we know your offenses, but in-case you've forgotten, I'll check them off for you. Let's see... There's trespassing, breaking and entering, kidnapping, and of course, there will always be murder at the top of the list. Would you like me to call the police now or do you want a head start?"

He looked at me through a screen of dirty-blonde hair which fell in front of his eyes. _Oh, those gorgeous steel eyes. Stop it, Ash,_ I scolded, _he's a jerk._

"What are you talking about, Ashlee?" he implored as he put his hat on his head and quickly moved away. I watched as he glanced at my fist hanging tight at my side. "I haven't trespassed, or kidnapped, and... As for the murdering..."

"Stop!" I screeched. I was not going to let him finish that sentence. "Just stop! I don't want to hear a word about the murdering, absolutely nothing about it!" I pointed a finger at him in warning, "As for the trespassing, and breaking and entering, though, I have proof." I shoved the roses at him, "Do you know where I found these? Of course, you do. I found them on my parents' headstone! And, last Saturday night, I thought someone was in the house, but...after investigating, I found no one. However, in the morning I found a single rose on my table. It was you, wasn't it?"

He stepped down the steps to the ground backwards and held his hands up, "Listen, Ashlee, I can explain—"

"—Avery Harrison, I don't want your explanations. I want you to go away and never ever come near me or this ranch again," I interrupted. "You've been the reason for many years of my broken life," I jabbed my finger into his chest several times, getting my point across. "I can't be near you. You disgust me. And, I still can't figure out why you're not rotting in prison, but that's a question for my lawyers, so go on and get out of here, I'm sure the police will catch up with you tomorrow."

I shoved him away from me.

"Oh, Ash... Please, let me..." he attempted.

"No!" I interjected and shoved him again, "You don't get to _Oh Ash_ me, ever again." I ran for the back porch and disappeared inside. I came out holding my grandfather's old shotgun in both hands, cocked it and pointed the thing at his head.

He stopped dead in his tracks, throwing is hands out in front of him in protest.

"Ashlee," he pleaded calmly. "Now, don't do anything stupid; I'll leave. Okay? Okay. I wish you'd let me explain some things to you," he countered as I aimed the gun lower on his body. "But... I can see you're serious, so... I'll go."

He backed away, walking backward down the drive toward his truck.

I followed him a few feet, keeping him moving with the shotgun on him. As-soon-as he was in his truck and pulling away, I fell to my knees and started shaking. Gun at my side I kicked it away. I sobbed into my hands a few moments before I took a deep breath, calming myself. I exhaled slowly, wiped the tears from my dirty cheeks, pulled myself up, and picked up the shot gun. I opened the chamber, and... As I expected, saw no bullet inside. I exhaled again and turned to go back to the house. Once inside, I shut and locked the back door before placing the gun back above the doorframe. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but I trudged through the downstairs checking every window and door anyway. I wasn't sure how Avery had got into my house before, but I wasn't taking chances on him getting back in. After securing the entire downstairs, I went upstairs and straight to my shower where I hoped to wash away the entire evening.

Ten minutes later, I was in a towel in my old bedroom looking out the windows toward his house. There were lights on in several rooms of the house.

"He must live there. Who else would?" I asked the empty room. "Why is he here? I mean, if he's not in prison, for one reason or another, why come back here?"

I watched a shape move across a lighted room and wondered if it was him. The shape appeared his height, it definitely wasn't someone small. I moved away from the window then laughed at myself; no one could see me looking, all my lights were out. I watched the shape move from one room to the next and then back. _He's pacing. Yep, it had to be Avery. Who else would be up at four in the morning pacing?_ I dropped the curtain and grabbed the giant teddy bear as I plopped onto my old bed.

It didn't matter he was here; I was getting out of Kansas, this time for good. I would leave after Sam's naming ceremony. Eli and I were hitting the road first thing Tuesday morning. I lay down on the bed and pulled the blankets to my chin. The house was lonely and too quiet. So-much-so, I couldn't fall asleep. _Or, was it my crazy night? Yes, probably the crazy night. Most likely, the adrenaline rush kept me awake._ I wondered what would happen to the ranch after I left. _Would the family lose it? If I stayed here I'd obviously run into Avery on a regular basis; that option was definitely out._

I sighed.

I could run accounts from California or Toby could find another way to deal with this mess. Either way, I was gone. I felt a small pang of guilt for Eli, who I told earlier in the week I'd try to make this place work. _Who was I kidding? I couldn't stick around here with my parent's murderer free and roaming the streets of the same town._

Sleep came for me around five o'clock. Thankfully, Eli didn't come rushing in, waking me, when he came home. Everyone left me alone, until noon, when Lannie knocked lightly on my door.

"Ashlee?" Her sweet voice questioned as she peeked from behind the door.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stirred in the bed. I was confused as to why I was in my old bed but then the revelations from the night before filtered through my groggy head.

"Ashlee Dear, are you awake?" she asked, worry in her voice.

"I'm awake, barely," I grumbled. "I'm sorry I'm not up to get Eli yet, I had a long-late night."

"We gathered, Dear. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Oh God, no! I want to put it all behind me and move on."

"Well, that's probably best," she offered. "Do you want some food? I have Reuben sandwiches in the kitchen; I told the boys I'd come wake you and get you to eat."

"Coffee. Only coffee, please," I pleaded. "I'll be down as soon as I'm dressed. Tell the boys not to worry about me."

The grandmotherly woman closed the door. I reached for my robe, slipping into it. Five minutes later, a trip to the toilet, and a tooth scrubbing, cleansing away my vomit breath, I found myself sitting at the kitchen table, coffee waiting for me.

"Mm..." Was all I could utter as I took a deep breath of the aroma coming off the mug in my hands. It was Heaven. I sipped the black liquid. "Double mm..."

"Good, you really like it?" Lannie asked. I didn't miss the wink at Eli.

I watched the two of them suspiciously before turning toward Frank in question. He shrugged his shoulders. Eli couldn't hold his laugh any longer and busted up.

When he could finally speak, he explained, "It's coffee from the mail."

"It came in the mail?" I questioned.

Lannie nodded. "Yep, I picked up the mail yesterday and this was in it." She held up a plastic container labeled coffee. "It read _Bracken Ranch_ , so I opened it, I hope you don't mind. When I got to the inside, I realized it was meant for you. Here's the note which came with it," she handed me a slip of paper.

Ms. Bracken,

It was a pleasure meeting with you regarding your family's ranch. I hope this coffee finds you well and you can enjoy it to the fullest. Please know that I am diligently looking for a tenant for your land and hope to have one secured by the end of the following week.

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call upon me or my receptionist. We are at your service for anything and everything. Whether it be research, or sharing a cup of the best Colombian coffee, we are here to help you.

Best regards,

Jacob Shields

I refolded the note and set it aside.

"Jacob, the attorney I met with in Wichita regarding the ranch," I explained. "He had the best coffee and said he'd send me a bag," I took another deep breath of my mug. "God, he is amazing. Maybe I should marry the man?"

The last comment got Eli's attention.

"Really?" he questioned. I couldn't tell if it made him happy to hear of me marrying someone, or... If he was worried, but it appeared he seemed excited over the prospect.

"I'm kidding, Bud," I replied. "I was merely joking about it because the man knows good coffee and I am an addict."

"Oh. I got it. You're being funny."

I nodded as he went back to eating his sandwich.

I changed the subject. "So, what have the three of you been up to so far today?"

Lannie glanced from Eli to me, "We've been to church and then we went to the deli to pick up these sandwiches. We usually eat the deli on Sunday's after church; we decided to get ours to-go and bring one for you."

"Thank you all for that. I'm sure I'll eat mine eventually, but right now, coffee is the only thing I think I'll be able to handle," I said before I sipped the black liquid. "It was a pretty wild night as far as nights out go. Clare and Blacko sure can party, as well as Ryan. And, speaking of Ryan, I think I set him up with a decent girl last night." I rubbed my aching head trying to remember how the night went before I saw Avery. _Avery. Damn him_. Even the thought of him this morning pissed me off.

"Eli, Bud," I coaxed, "If you're all done with your food why don't you clean up and go play with the dogs for a while. I'd like to talk with Frank and Lannie.

He held my eyes a long moment, curious of what I couldn't say in front of him, I'm sure, "Okay, Mom. But, you know I'm almost ten, so... I can handle adult stuff, okay."

"Eli Devin, you're not even almost nine, so how could you be almost ten?" I insisted while laughing at him. He flashed me a smile, melting me into a puddle, then... he was gone.

"So... What's eating you up this morning?" Frank began.

I exhaled the breath I was holding and lowered my head onto my crossed arms. Lannie rubbed my back before I lifted my head and began, "I saw Avery Harrison last night."

I didn't miss the look Lannie sent Frank. I sat upright and watched the two of them carefully, "You knew he was here?"

"Well," Lannie started. "Oh dear, Ashlee he's been in Southwind for quite some time now. You didn't know?"

"No. How would I know? And, more importantly, why is he here? Why isn't he in prison?"

Frank began this time, "Well, Honey, he was in the juvenile detention center in Topeka... Then, his father woke up from the coma and-"

"—His father? He still has a father? I thought he died too?"

"No, after the accident he went to emergency surgery then was in a coma for two years before he woke up and—" Frank was still talking when I interjected.

"—Well, that's just great. His father got to live... And, mine died. How awesome," I replied, angrily. "Still doesn't explain why he's out of prison or why on earth he would come back to live in Southwind. What a complete idiot."

Lannie met my eyes before inquiring, "So, I take it running into him didn't go so well?"

I glared at her. It was wrong, and she didn't deserve it. But, I was angry, and I didn't care at-the-moment, "No." I barked. "It did not go well at all. Should it have? I was puking my guts out and he was holding my hair back. I had to chase him off with my grandfather's shotgun," I pointed toward the back door where it resided. "It was unloaded, of course, but he didn't need to know that."

Frank laughed, "Well, it's probably good it wasn't loaded, or he might be dead right now."

"Oh, I wasn't going to shoot him. Well, at least I don't think I would've, but maybe I'd have shot a round in the air to get him moving," I reasoned.

"He was mean to you?" Lannie questioned.

I turned, tilting my head in question before I answered, "No. I suppose not, but he wouldn't leave the ranch." I whined. "I rode Sunny for two hours and when I returned he was asleep on the front swing. Of course, I dumped his ass on the ground," I smiled at the memory. "I sure hope he broke his tailbone too, probably not though, since he walked out of here." I buried my face in my folded arms again, "I can't stay around here with him in town."

"What was that, Honey?" Frank worried. "We can't understand what you're saying with your head buried in your arms."

I lifted my head and repeated myself, "I said I can't stay in Southwind with Avery here. I can't do it." I looked from Frank to Lannie and back again.

Frank nodded.

"I'm sorry, Frank. You don't understand what it took for me to get him out of my head the past twelve years, coming back here was already hard enough; adding my parent's murderer into the mix? I can't do it."

"Now, Ashlee—" Lannie started but I wasn't going to let her finish.

"—No!" I interrupted, "I can't do it. Eli doesn't deserve to have his mother freak out on him, and I can't chance seeing Avery again. Poor Sunny has probably not run as hard as I ran her last night in a long while. I'm going to go to baby Sam's naming ceremony, and... Then, Eli and I are leaving Tuesday morning. I'll deal with the accounts, and land, from California." I watched as Lannie's eyes filled with tears and added, "It doesn't mean we won't be back to visit, but it does mean Eli and I can't stay."

I shook my head, "And... And, I've been giving it serious thought the past few days."

Frank and Lannie both looked at me with shock over the statement.

I continued, "Listen, Eli loves it here, and I was seriously toying with the idea of moving permanently, but if psycho Avery lives right up the street, I can't handle it. I can't have the reminder every day."

"We understand," Frank acknowledged while taking Lannie's hand in his. "We'll miss you and Eli both dearly, but you have to do what's best for you."

Lannie nodded her agreement.

I exhaled audibly, "Everything is so messed up." I drained my coffee and pushed my chair from the table, "I'm going to shower and get ready to go to the reservation with Clare and Blacko. Please don't say anything to Eli; I need to talk with him alone."

They both nodded before we were interrupted by a knock at the back door. It was Ryan. I motioned for him to come on in.

"Hey Frank, Lannie," he greeted. "Ashlee. How are you this morning?"

"Oh, probably doing better than I deserve. How are you?" I quickly glanced behind him making sure he was alone before I leaned forward and whispered, "And, how's Greta?"

He smiled. God, he had an amazing smile. _Why again is there no chemistry between us?_

"She's fine. Real fine," he smiled again. "Listen, I wanted to check if you were okay this morning. Last night was a little rough around the edges. I'm pretty sure you drank your weight in beer."

Frank stood and said something about going to the barn and seeing about a horse the same time Lannie excused herself to help.

"Wow," I joked. "I guess talking about my inebriation will clear the room. Duly noted." I walked into the family room pulling Ryan behind me and sat us down on the sofa, hoping to gossip over the night before, "I'm seriously okay. Yes, I tied it on too much last night, but I somehow survived and it's a new day. A day of no alcohol, I'll add." I smirked, "The real question is how fine Greta is? You two hit it off; did she go home with you?"

He laughed and shook his head, "Now, Ashlee, My Dear, a true gentleman never kisses and tells."

"Ugh. Do you seriously have to be a gentleman right now?" I teased. "I have zero love life; I need details, or I'm going to die an old woman with no hope or dreams for romance."

"Well, I don't want to break Greta's trust and I surely don't want you to die over a lack of romance, so how can I put it delicately? Hmm..." he pondered out loud. "How about I tell you she went home in one of my shirts?"

"Ryan!" I exclaimed as I clapped my hands together in praise. "You dog, good for you."

"You're okay with it? I mean, you're not mad it wasn't us?" he waved his hand between our bodies in reference.

"No, as much as I wanted there to be something between us, there isn't, so what kind of a friend would I be if I wasn't happy for you when you found someone who you connected with? I hope everything works out for the two of you, and you live happily-ever-after, and all that," I congratulated him with a hug and a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, Ashlee," he replied. "Of course, it's early, but I think it's a good thing when a woman tells you she'll return the shirt the same night and promises to cook dinner."

"Definitely a good sign," I beamed. I decided I didn't want to bring up the Avery conversation and how he became the one taking care of my sorry drunk ass. Instead, we spoke a few minutes more about the cattle before I remembered I was supposed to be in the shower getting ready to go.

### Chapter 18 ~ Ashlee

After a shower, blow drying my hair out, and dressing, I called Eli in for a shower of his own while I sat at my old vanity applying make-up. I debated whether to tell him about our impending early departure, eventually choosing not to. There was no need of upsetting him before the naming ceremony and ruining baby Samantha's day. I helped him dress in his jeans and plaid button-up shirt he'd picked out. He slid his tennis shoes on before picking up his hoodie from the bed.

I stood back, examining him. With one hand rubbing my chin, I pondered out loud, "I don't know, Bud... But... It seems as if you're missing something."

He looked himself over from head to toe, "What am I missing?"

I bent and pulled a box from under the bed and let him open it. His eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw what was inside.

"Really? Real cowboy boots? Do I get to keep them?"

I laughed, "Yes, they're yours to keep. Go ahead, take your shoes off and slip the boots on."

He slid his little feet inside and tucked his jeans inside the boots.

I laughed again. "I think you're supposed to put your jeans on the outside, Bud."

He shook his head back and forth, "No way. I want Blacko to see my real cowboy boots."

My smile may have been genuine on the outside, but I felt downright awful inside. I basically dressed him up as a real cowboy today...while planning on tearing his little heart out tomorrow. _He's going to hate me._

When we were completely dressed, and ready to leave, we walked downstairs and waited for the Brauns.

"Mom, can I ask you something?" he questioned at the bottom of the stairs.

I looked him up and down; he'd added his cowboy hat to his ensemble, "Sure, anything for you, Cowboy."

"If it's a celebration of baby Sam, why are you so sad?"

I thought about it for a long moment before answering carefully, "Oh, Buddy. I'm not sad. I'm not sad about Sam, or the celebration; you know how sometimes you think real hard about things?" he nodded; I continued, "Well, my mind has been busy thinking about other things today. I promise you, I am not sad at all."

A horn honked in the drive. He nodded his understanding as we shuffled to the back door, and our ride.

Blacko climbed from the sharp, dark, grey F150, and opened the back doors for us. I thanked him and whispered to notice Eli's boots as I climbed into my seat. He winked before making a huge announcement over how awesome the boots were and how everyone in the Kaw Nation was going to be jealous of them. I mouthed _thank you_ as Eli beamed from his side of the truck. We sat on either side of baby Sam, in her infant car seat.

"Hello, Gorgeous... How are you doing today?"

Samantha answered with a cute baby gurgle.

"So... How'd the rest of last night go?" Clare asked, half turning in her seat to face me.

I'd made the decision, before leaving the house, that I wasn't going to mention Avery to Clare, or Blacko. I didn't want to talk about him in front of Eli, and... I honestly didn't want to rehash the entire night of my physical sickness. For the second time in ten short minutes, I told a small lie.

"Oh, it was fine. You know I introduced Greta Hastings to Ryan before you left, right?" both front seat passengers nodded, "Anyway, I think I hooked Ryan up, not only with a dance partner, but also with a girlfriend. He stopped by the ranch this afternoon and mentioned she was coming over tonight and cooking him dinner."

"Look at you, the matchmaker, but... Now, you've lost your dancing partner?"

"It's okay, I wanted to take a break anyway and listen to the music. Wasn't the guy playing great? I don't know why he's playing in Southwind. He could probably have a career if he went to Nashville, or L.A.," I speculated.

I didn't miss the look Clare and Blacko exchanged but brushed it off as couple's stuff before Clare shrugged her shoulders in an _I don't know_ sort of fashion.

"Rose says he's the same guy around here who owns _Harry's Wood._ Hopefully, I can get him to do something for the entrance to the ranch, the old _Bracken Ranch_ sign is rusted and I'm thinking of replacing it."

It was only about an hour and a half drive to the Kaw Nation Reservation in Kaw City, Oklahoma. The ceremony was taking place at first light the next day, so we were spending the night with Blacko's family on the reservation. Eli kept us entertained for the first half hour of the trip with stories of fishing, camping, and riding the bucking barrel. When he finished, Blacko told us how the ceremony would proceed. Eli, of course, was mesmerized by anything and everything Blacko had to say about the ceremony or his people.

I was lost in thought over my problems from the night before. As I stared out the window, I swore I saw Avery riding a black horse alongside the truck. I shook my head, removing the vision. _What was I thinking? A horse couldn't keep up with a truck going seventy-five miles-per-hour on the interstate, let alone the question of why he would be riding to the reservation in the first place._

I fell asleep for a few minutes and woke with a start when Blacko stopped the truck at a rest stop ten minutes from the reservation. Clare wanted to nurse Sam before being overwhelmed by all the family, and tribe members, who would hover as soon as we made it to town. Eli and I got out of the truck to use the rest stop facilities. We walked around the grassy area, giving Clare privacy. Blacko pulled a football out and asked Eli if he'd like to play catch for a few minutes. He did, and I smiled at the boys as I walked back over to Clare.

"You know Blacko loves this, don't ya?" she informed.

I nodded, "Yes, I can see, about as much as Eli loves it. Actually, he loves anything Blacko says or does."

I sat down inside the backseat and left the door open. Clare sat in the front, feeding Sam. It was quiet, the sound of Sam nursing, and the boys laughing, being our only background noise.

I broke the silence, "Enjoy her age now, before long, she'll be running around, and you won't be the only person she needs. I remember when Eli needed only me. Not that I'm complaining about him needing, or wanting others, more of there being a time where _I_ was the only person who could comfort him." I sighed, "I was the love of his life and he was mine."

Clare laughed as she put Sam across her shoulder and began softly burping her, "I think you're still the love of his life, Ash. And... I know he's yours!"

I smiled, "I suppose so, but it seems I have to share him with more and more people these days. You should see him on the ranch, Clare. He's gone right after breakfast and I have to search him out for lunch and dinner!"

Sam looked over her mother's shoulder at me; I reached out my finger to let her curl her fingers around mine. She burped, spitting up a little. I wiped her mouth with the edge of the cloth on Clare's shoulder.

"Feel better?" I asked the non-talking baby.

"I hope so. Now, we won't have a fussy baby, right, Sugar?" Clare answered for her daughter and asked her own question. She cradled the infant as she climbed out of the truck. "Let's get you a fresh diaper and get back on the road."

We arrived in Kaw City around six in the evening. The sun was beginning to fill the sky with beautiful rays of orange fire. The sunsets in California were beautiful when they hit off the water, but they had nothing on how the Kansas landscape created bright rays of streaming colors. I snapped a picture out of the rear window with my cell phone. Even-though we were currently in Oklahoma, I wanted to capture every sunset I could. If I was going to miss anything about the central part of the states, the sunsets were definitely near the top of the list.

We drove through town making our way to the Kaw Nation Tribal Headquarters. There were many people out and about on the streets. In all my years growing up in Kansas, I hadn't seen as many Native Americans as I saw on the streets of Kaw City. I looked and tried, but couldn't find one full-blooded white person. Or, any other race than Native. I sat in my seat, amazed, thinking of the Kaw losing their land in Kansas and being forced to move south to Oklahoma in the late 1800's, I could see why they'd be bitter. I couldn't begin to imagine how it'd feel to have the ground I walked, harvested, and slept on being ripped away. The only consolation, I knew from middle school History class, was when Kansas House of Representative Charles Curtis, or _Indian Charley_ , as he was known to the Kaw tribe, pushed for, and succeeded with the Civilized Tribes of Oklahoma and land was granted for each and every person of the Kaw. Even-though they lost their own government, they had land again. However, it was located in Oklahoma and not their original beloved Kansas ground.

Blacko pointed out the Nation Headquarters and slowed while driving by. We then continued to our residence for the night, Blacko's childhood home. Clare made the introductions as Eli stood mesmerized. We laughed as each male member took their turn dressing him in different pieces of Kanza Tribal wear. He was in Indian heaven. I thanked all of them for their hospitality and sat with Clare, her mother-in-law, and her grandmother-in-law, on the massive front porch. We sipped a delicious berry tea. We talked of everything, from my friendship with Clare over the years, to the ceremony the next day. The boys played Indians on the front lawn. Soon, small bow and arrows came out, as well as a tomahawk, some spears, and a rifle. Of course, it was all in fun, and the men had Eli's safety in mind. I wasn't worried in the least as I sipped my tea and remembered my conversation with Clare earlier about the people coming into Eli's life.

_As-long-as they continue to be positive influences,_ I thought.

Then, I remembered Avery, "Now, there's one we'll have to stop from coming into his life."

"Did you say something?" Clare asked.

"Me?" I questioned with innocence. I shook my head, "Nah, thinking out loud, I guess. It's nothing." I stated as I waved my hand between us.

"Okay, but if you want to talk about whatever it is bothering you, say the word and I'll be here, listening."

I sat astounded; I had nothing to say in response. _How could I deny her claim, or confirm it?_ I told myself I wouldn't tell her anything about Avery until after we were back in Southwind and Sam's ceremony was finished.

"The minute I have something to talk about, you'll be the first to know," I replied. She nodded, giving me one of her fake smiles I remembered from our childhood, which in turn, had me laughing.

Soon, we were saying our goodnight's; I was half dragging Eli to a bath tub, and bed. We had an early morning and I was dead tired from being up late the night before. Eli and I slept in the same bed. Which, was really a large cot by the open window of a bedroom in the rear of the house. He told me several times before finally succumbing to sleep how it was the best day of his life. It warmed my heart deeply to hear his enthusiasm for new things. He slept soundly beside me while I lay awake thinking things over.

The next morning came early. However, Eli and I were up and ready to go before Clare had Sam ready. Blacko was patiently pacing the room as Clare prepared their child in her tribal gown. She wore a handmade gown of red, orange, yellow, and blue; she was certainly bright and beautiful.

"Wow! Look at you, Gorgeous," I cooed as I let her curl her tiny fingers around one of my own.

"Let's hope she stays gorgeous and doesn't spit up all over the dress," Clare fretted. "She's had an upset tummy all morning; I'm hoping, since it's been thirty minutes since her last episode, it's passed, but you never know with her."

Sam's beautiful brown eyes held my face.

"You have a sour stomach today?" I questioned. Sam rewarded me with a smile. I'm sure, as young as she was, it was gas, but I liked to think it was a smile reserved for me.

I wore a red sun-dress complete with bright yellow sweater. Eli wore his best blue jeans, long sleeve button-up shirt with collar, and his new cowboy boots. Before we stepped out of the house, one of the relatives draped a band of brightly colored fabric over Eli's shoulders. He wore it like a scholar wears honor chords on commencement. His smile, ear-to-ear, matched my own; he fit in well with Blacko's people and they were extremely accommodating with him, too.

It took us less than ten minutes to drive the short distance from the homestead, to the tribal building, where we parked and hopped out of the truck. I kept a hold of Eli's hand as Clare, Sam, and I followed Blacko through the mass of Kaw people to the tribal building. Blacko stopped outside the doors, gave Clare a kiss on the top of her head and motioned for all of us to wait on the bench nearby. We sat down on the huge, carved, log bench while Blacko entered the building with his mother, and grandmother. Two women from the other side of the street came across to us and offered us cups of something that smelled of tea. After tasting the warm liquid, I wasn't one-hundred-percent sure it was tea, but whatever it was, it was delicious. They offered Eli some goat's milk. He took a sip before he quietly asked me if he had to drink it all, or... If he could pretend, because it was disgusting. I laughed quietly to myself, before shaking my head no. I took the cup from him, holding onto it along with my mug. Clare and the women were speaking about the ceremony when she turned, introducing the women to Eli and myself. They were pleasant but spoke minimal English. I was quite surprised to learn these people, in the entire modern world, lived and spoke, a primitive culture. However, after further thinking about the situation and seeing the population as mostly Kaw, I decided I'd be somewhat disappointed if they didn't keep up their native tongue. One woman, especially close to Clare, requested to hold Sam. Clare obliged as the older woman told us of the tribe traditions.

When Blacko emerged from the building, he was followed by an old woman carrying a walking stick. By the looks of her, she was probably near one-hundred years old and Eli whispered that very thing to me right before we were introduced. Her name was Wa-tce'-da and the woman who was holding Sam quickly told us it meant _Snow blows against her, makes her cold_. Of course, I giggled inside myself at this, but I also had respect for their names and interesting meanings. She was the elder of the tribe and Blacko's great-grandmother. His great-grandfather had passed to the spirit world twenty years before and the tribe was transferred to Wa-tce'-da's hands. Even-though Blacko's Grandmother, Lilyanna, was accepted in the Kaw Nation, she could not be an elder because she was not Kanza blood. She was of Scottish-French decent. Lily married Blacko's grandfather 60 years before, but since he had passed on a few years ago, the tribe would not become the responsibility of Lily's, but of the next Kaw in line. After Wa-tce'da, the tribe would go to Blacko's parents, Bo'su and Na'gije Braun. Their names meant _Hail_ and _Makes-Soft-Sound-While-Walking-On-Snow_ , respectively. Na'gije was the descendent of Wa-tce'-da, with Bo'su being a descendant of another Kaw Nation tribal council member.

Na'giji, who everyone called Giji, sounding like GeeGee, explained to us why they practice a naming ceremony. Most of the living Kaw took on American names at birth and their Kaw name at the naming ceremony. As they grew older they would decide which one to be known by. Bo'su wanted his son named Blacko at birth so that's what Blacko's name was. At his naming ceremony he was given Ak'oda, which _meant Hole-Under-The-Wing-Of-The-Eagle-When-He-Is-Flying_. His mother told us he chose to go by Blacko by the age of three because his grandfather went by Ak'oda, as well. Clare, of course, already knew these stories, but she sat and listened to them eagerly as if it were the first time. I watched her with interest and remembered she was always the one in school who loved a good History lesson; it seemed that was exactly what we were listening to right now.

Wa-tce'-da said some words in the Kanza tongue and Eli was all ears. Clare glanced at Giji, and she nodded. She rose and walked with Sam over to where Blacko and Wa-tce'da stood. From there we played follow-the-leader to the clearing across the street from the building. Giji asked the God parents to come forward. I left Eli with the man who had given him the honor cord and walked to the center of the circle. I noticed another young lady coming forward as well. She was dressed in all green with tiny black striping running down the back of her dress. She was of medium build, not thick, but not awfully thin either. She resembled Blacko in the face, however, her eyes belonged to someone else. Her jet-black hair was braided and fell to her waist. I caught her faint smile as we both stepped into the inner circle, consisting of Wa-tce'-da, Bo'su, Giji, Blacko, Clare, and Sam.

Tribe members began appearing from all over the clearing. They arranged themselves into a binding circle around the eight of us. Blacko had explained this part to us on the trip. It was important in the Kaw naming ceremony because the two circles symbolized connecting God, and Heaven, with Earth, and Nature. More words were said in Kaw along with Wa-tce'-da waving a stick of something burning, possibly incense, around Sam's head. She then bent and whispered something in Sam's ear. Next, she kissed Sam's forehead, before whispering in Blacko and Clare's ears. Clare and Blacko exchanged a look and smiled. Giji and Bo'su were told the secret. The woman in green, who was obviously related to Blacko, and I, were the next to hear the secret. After hearing the words, we took our turn kissing Sam's head. Wa-tce'-da then motioned for Giji to hold up baby Sam for the entire tribe to observe and hear her name.

"Ak'a Mi" Waynoka spoke to everyone, "South Wind" she added in English. Everyone recited her name as heads bowed to her in reverence, followed by the chanting of her name. I caught a glimpse of Eli holding two tribe members' hands and reciting _Ak'a Mi_ along with everyone else. My heart smiled.

After the ceremony, several Kaw came forward reciting Sam's tribal name and kissing her forehead. I shook hands with each one. Some of the elders gave Eli tokens to take home with him. They ranged from arrowheads to pouches with small stones inside. One elder gave him a headdress which was smaller than the chieftain one Blacko owned. It had many feathers hanging from it, as-well-as beads. Eli let the man put it on him. He danced around the circle with the other children and my heart melted into a puddle. The same elder brought me the most beautiful dream catcher I'd ever seen. It was as big as a porthole on a navy ship. The feathers and beads, which hung from it, matched those of Eli's headband. I graciously accepted the token, kissing the elders' cheek with gratitude.

We spent the rest of the morning with the tribe, celebrating. I heard many stories from Blacko's childhood and learned more about the Kaw-Kanza history. Blacko's mother watched his handsome face with admiration. I saw the same look on Clare and knew she was completely happy with where her life was.

Around four in the afternoon, we said our goodbyes, and climbed back into the truck, taking our leave. Eli was wiped out... Frankly, so was I, but that didn't keep us from gushing over the ceremony most of the way back to Southwind. Eli fell asleep about thirty minutes from the ranch; Blacko carried him inside to his bed for me. I stayed behind needing to speak with Clare.

"Clare," I fretted as I watched her through her rolled down window. "I'm going home, to California, tomorrow."

She looked sharply at me and begged, "What...why, Ash? I thought you were here until August?"

I dropped my head and watched the ground beneath the truck, kicking a rock with my toe of my dress shoe.

Sighing, I replied, "You wanted to know what was bothering me yesterday? Well, Saturday night, at The Barn, I ran into Avery. I have no idea what he was doing there, but... I do know, I can't have anything to do with this place, as-long-as he's around. I can't handle it again. All the memories it drudges up—I'm so anxious about every little thing—and I can't seem to catch my breath since I saw him."

I didn't want to meet her eyes in fear of what I'd see. When I finally lifted my head, I was correct in assuming I'd find them filled with tears.

"I wondered if you'd run into him, or not. Everyone told me I couldn't tell you he was around, but Ash... I really wanted to. They told me to let you find out on your own; that you'd have to deal with it in your own way. I'm beyond sorry, Ash...obviously, it didn't go well?"

"Ha! Uh... No," I huffed. "It did not. And, not only did he rescue me from face planting when I passed out, but he also saved me from drowning in my own vomit. It was humiliating to say the least."

Clare opened her door, hopped out of the truck, and pulled me into her body. She rocked back and forth as I cried into her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Ashlee. I didn't know you were still having a hard time with everything, and... I wish you'd have let me know you were drunk, we would've helped you home when we left. Where was Ryan during this time of need?"

I held her tight, "Ryan? Oh, he was there, he had Greta hanging around him, so... He was occupied, but he was still trying to help my drunken ass. But really, when you and Blacko left, I wasn't bad off; I think I drank too much, after that, in a short time period. Believe me when I say, I won't be doing that for a long time... Or, ever again."

"I sure wish I'd stayed around to see you! Not necessarily to help, but to see you drunk would be a hoot. Remember when we were kids and we got into your great-grandfathers hundred-year-old brandy? Oh man, were we in trouble. I never saw our mother's so mad. And, my dad was livid. He kept saying how he was going to tan my hide," she reminded me.

I laughed at the memory; I'd forgotten about my first time being drunk.

"And, my father, don't forget what he did."

"How could I?" she agreed. "He's the reason I don't drink more than a glass of wine at a time. You know I've never been drunk again in my life?"

"I guess, besides Saturday night, I haven't either," I answered. "Must be what mucking horse stalls when you're hungover, and nauseated, does for you."

"Remember how bad it smelled and how you kept puking from the mix of liquor and the horrible smell of manure? Man, that was the worst of it. Nope, I never again drank that much," she let go of me and stepped back. She didn't bother hiding the tears falling from her eyes, nor wipe them away.

I squeezed her hand, "Don't worry, I'll come visit. Besides, I have a God daughter here; I must come back, and... Eli loves it here. I haven't told him yet. I don't expect it to go over well."

"You do what you have to do, Ash. It's you who has lost abundantly, and I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to stay around with the memories. But, I have one thing to tell you now that you know," she took my face in her hands, holding my eyes with her own, "He's changed. He's not a bad guy. And, things aren't always what they seem. Okay, that was three things. Sorry."

I studied her for a moment before replying, "I'm sure he has, Clare, it's been twelve years. We've all changed; however, it doesn't change anything from our past. I love you, Clare Bear," I hugged her quick. Blacko was back outside and coming toward us. I hugged him, thanked him quickly for the past two days and hurried to the house where I shut the door and bawled my eyes out.

### Chapter 19 ~ Ashlee

The tea pot whistled as I pulled a mug from the cabinet. In the same instant, I heard a rap on the back door. I figured it was Clare, coming back, hoping to comfort me.

Wiping my wet eyes, I called loudly, "It's unlocked." I poured my mug full of hot water and set the tea kettle back on the stove top, "I don't know what you're going to accomplish by coming back, Clare..." I turned toward the door and stopped dead in my tracks. Avery stood inside the closed back door. He held his hands up in the old _hands up, don't shoot_ gesture. I wanted to tell him to get out, but I couldn't find my speech before he spoke.

"Ashlee, please, just hear me out," he pleaded.

I stood shock still. He wore faded Levi's with cowboy boots and a tight, grey tee shirt. It fit his biceps and chest perfectly. Model perfect. His sandy blonde hair was disheveled, yet precise. It curled onto his neck and almost touched the collar of his tee. I felt his eyes on me as I inhaled his appearance, lingering over his beautiful mouth a moment too long. It was the first good look of him I'd had in the light, while not being inebriated. And... _God, he was gorgeous._ I shook some sense into my head, remembering; I hated the breathtaking specimen.

"Honestly, Avery," I managed to say as I pulled my brain into order. "I can't really handle this, right now. I said I don't want to see you, ever again, and I meant it. There's nothing you can say to me to forgive you. Ever. End of story. So... Please, go," I waved toward the door.

"Ash, I have a lot to say to you. I can't seem to find the words... But, I promise, I have things I need to say," he stepped toward me as I moved oppositely around the kitchen, placing the table between us. "I can't think when I'm around you. My brain tells me one thing, but my heart tells me something entirely different. And... I'm sorry I'm a horrible reminder of your parent's, but I have to talk to you... I have to tell you I'm sorry," he begged while moving around the table toward me. I moved, matching his steps.

"Sorry?" I countered, shocked. I stopped moving but continued talking, "You're sorry? Both of my parents are dead. I was orphaned at fourteen. I will never see my parent's again. I will never hear them laugh or cry. I will never hug them or be kissed goodnight. My child will never know his grandparent's. My father will never walk me down the aisle... And... And... You want to say you're sorry?" Tears were again streaming down my cheeks, but I didn't care; I wanted him to see my pain.

He'd been inching closer while I pleaded; I hadn't noticed. Taking hold of my upper arms with his hands, I flinched at his touch. He had a good grip on me, but it wasn't struggle worthy, yet... I didn't want to move away.

I glanced from his hands to his eyes and whispered, "Please... Don't."

"Ash," he returned the whisper as he pulled me into his embrace. "I want to explain myself, but... I don't know where to begin. I can't seem to talk when I'm around you. I lose all thought when I see your eyes."

My body betrayed my thoughts as it melted into his embrace; it felt amazingly good, him holding me. _What would happen between us if I caved? Would I be betraying my parents' legacy?_ My thoughts clouded as my brain came to its senses and I pushed away.

"You don't know me anymore. You don't know what I've been through and how hard it was to get where I am today. I'm angry, Avery. Angry at you, at my parents for leaving me, at God for taking them, at Toby for having our parent's longer than me; the list goes on and on," I bawled. "I can't talk to you, or see you. It opens old wounds I've worked hard keeping closed for years," I walked to the back door and opened it. "I need you to leave. I need you to go away and promise to never come near me again. I can't say I forgive you because I don't. My heart is broken; it'll never again be whole." My cheeks were wet beyond belief as he remained by the table watching me. I sobbed, "Please, Avery."

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again before walking toward me. He searched my eyes.

"I get it. You'll never heal. I wish I could put sentences together, or figure out how to talk to you, Ash, but... I can't. So... I'll go. I'm not promising you I won't come back and explain everything once you've had time to digest. And, I can figure out what in the hell I want to say. I will, Ash; I'm promising you that, right now."

"Avery, please... Respect my wishes."

"Tonight... I will, but, Ashlee Bracken...you and I are not finished; I feel it, and I know you do too. I can read you like an open book; you forget how well we once knew each other," he stated as he moved closer. "Before I go, there's one thing I have to do..."

"What?" I whispered, frozen against the open-door.

"This," he said before his mouth was on mine and he enveloped me in his embrace. He held me pinned to the door frame for what felt like minutes. His mouth, hungry for mine. Before I knew what I was doing, I responded to the kiss in like fashion. We searched to the answers of our past within each other. When he broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against mine and whispered, "I'll leave you now because it's what you want, but you must know that I never stopped loving you. I think about you all the time. Night and day. You'll be the death of me; my last coherent thought will be of you," he kissed my nose. "I love you still, Ash."

I watched the emotion play across his gorgeous face while listening to his declaration before doing the only thing I could think to do, I slapped that stunning face. My own reaction was covering my mouth in astonishment at what I'd done.

He smirked, but I could see the hurt along with the angry red mark my hand left.

"Goodbye, Ashlee," he stated before he left, closing the door behind him.

My body slid down the door to the floor where I sat, for what felt like forever, touching my lips. I was lost in his kiss. He was a good kisser for sure; and, I felt like melting under him when he touched me _. But how? Damn you, Avery. I hated him, didn't I? You're responsible for all the pain in my life, how could I feel anything but disdain for you?_ I shook away my thoughts, pulled myself off the floor, and locked the door. I needed to clear my head. The only way I knew how, was by riding my horse, or soaking in the bathtub. Since Eli was asleep upstairs, riding my horse was out of the question. I took option number two: soaking in the deep tub while drinking my tea. Of course, the only thoughts crossing my mind were of Avery and the kiss. _How was it possible to feel something for him like I was feeling, and how in the world did he expect me to love him? After everything we'd been through?_ No way could I do something remotely insane to my parents' memory. But... Then again, a small part of me, whether it be physical need, or a bond we shared for each other, wanted to get dressed and go to him. I scolded myself for feeling anything remotely romantic for the murderer. After toweling off and climbing into bed, I was asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

The next morning, after breakfast, I told Eli the news about going home. As predicted, he didn't take it well. He stormed out of the house in the best way a kid his age could. _Probably to the barn to convince Frank to adopt him,_ I thought. I packed our bags and made a phone call to Mr. Shields about the go-ahead with the sale of five-hundred acres. I decided to get everything over with. With the extra money, Frank could invest in more horses and we could build another horse arena for training. Frank understood my reasons for selling the land, but he was still surprised I went through with it.

I had all our belongings packed in the Jeep by ten in the morning and went in search of Eli, finding him on the tire swing. I stepped behind him and gave the swing a big push.

"Listen, Bud. We'll be back, I promise you, but... Right now, I need to go home, okay?"

"I know," he replied without looking at me. "You already told me, but you also said we'd be here until the middle of August."

I cringed at his tone, "I'm sorry, sometimes things change for one reason or another. Right now, I need to get back to California because I have some things to deal with. Also, I need to find a job."

"Mom," he met me squarely with little to no emotion, "We both know you don't have to find a job, you can work here."

"Well... There are other things swaying my decision, Eli. Adult things."

He sighed as he made the tire twist, "Fine. I'll get in the car if you swear we'll come back. I have a horse to name, Frank is going to teach me to ride barrels, and Blacko is taking me to the reservation again. The elders promised to teach me how to smoke a pipe."

I stopped his spinning and ruffled his little head before taking his cheeks in my hands, "Smoke, huh? I'm not so sure you're old enough to smoke anything. I solemnly swear, Eli Devin, we will come back. I told Clare the same thing, you can ask her yourself. Now, let's get on the road, I want to make it to Albuquerque before we stop for the night."

He smiled at me and hopped down. I took one last look toward Avery's house before turning up the path. Eli surprised me by holding my hand on the walk back. We had to say goodbye to all the horses we knew the names of, the kittens, the goats, and the two dogs. We also said our goodbyes to Frank and Lannie, before climbing into the Jeep. I drove down the drive with Eli turned around watching the ranch become smaller and smaller the entire way. He barely spoke to me the rest of the day, and I deserved it. The kid knew pure happiness for two weeks; here I was, stealing it away. I knew it wouldn't last; it was a long trip back to California, he'd have to ask to eat at some point.

### Chapter 20 ~ Avery

_Why in the world did I do that?_ Avery thought. _It was bold, and stupid. She said she didn't want to see me, or... Talk to me. I should've been respectful and listened. But... By God, the woman won't listen to reason, or anything, for that matter_. He _had_ to kiss her. He'd been dreaming of those lips since he saw her in The Barn, with Ryan, the week before. He knew Ryan and Ash weren't a couple. With Ryan and Greta going home together the other night, she obviously wasn't involved with him. She didn't seem to be attached to any man, at-the-moment. He remembered a piece of something she'd said when she was angry. _What was it? Oh yeah, something about her parents never getting to meet her child._ And... Chloe had been certain the boy with her at Bob's Diner had been her kid. _Where was his father?_ _I don't believe she's married. No wedding ring;_ he'd checked her finger the night she was passed out. _And, if she's married, would she have kissed me back? Surely not. Divorced? Could be. But, the Ashlee I knew growing up hadn't believed in divorce. Of course, we were young then, people change._

He was in his yard spreading the delivery of chat he had piled at the end of the drive. His plan for the day, consisted of outside labor. However, somewhere around ten, he caught a glimpse of a young boy on the tire swing. He wondered if it was her son and didn't have to think long on the subject when he spotted Ashlee walking toward the kid. He decided to disappear to the house and watch from his window. They were having a discussion of some sort and the kid didn't seem happy. Ashlee appeared as if she was making a deal with him. He remembered the days of making deals with Ashlee Bracken. _Man, you didn't cross her if the deal didn't go her way._ There were a few of those deals where he had to make sure she came out getting the best of it, or... She'd be mad and wouldn't talk to him for a few days. He peered out through the curtain again and saw the boy hop down. He fell into step with his mom, taking her hand. As he dropped the curtain he witnessed Ashlee turn, glancing his way. A flutter went through his chest. _Why would she look if she doesn't care?_

He worked through the afternoon, sweating all his frustrations out. He knew he'd never forget her; punishing himself with hard labor was his only choice.

"Pft!" he grunted under the handkerchief he'd tied around his face, covering his nose and mouth. His real punishment for what happened would be him forever haunted by her. And, now, as he'd seen her as an adult, he was haunted by a whole new image. Her curves, gorgeous eyes, and flowing blonde hair; she was seriously the perfect specimen of a woman who obviously belonged in California. She didn't look, or act, like any Kansas girls he knew. Yep, he'd dated a few, on-and-off, but none had ever caught his heart. The last woman he dated had hinted of marriage. But, he couldn't marry someone when his heart was with another.

"Ech!" he threw the shovel to the ground in disgust. He had to stop pining for her. He didn't deserve her; he'd ruined her life, along with his own, twelve years before. Somehow, he was going to have to find a way to get over her. He exhaled loudly, bent, picking up the shovel, and finished the job he'd started.

Four hours later, the driveway chat was smoothed, and he was beat up. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his tee shirt he'd shed hours before.

"I don't know how long I'm going to give her before we revisit what is going on between us, but it'll be soon, otherwise I might combust," he said out loud. "I'm not giving her more than a few days; we live less than a half mile from each other, if she's all I think about, I'm sure she's thinking about me too."

He put his tools away and got in his pickup truck. After driving around town for nearly twenty minutes, he pulled into Bob's and sat at the counter. Chloe brought him a Diet Coke.

"Why the long face, Avery?" she asked.

"Oh... I've had a lot on my mind lately," he answered before realizing he hadn't asked how she was doing. "I'm sorry, Chloe, how are you doing? How's the baby coming along?"

She rubbed her growing tummy, "Oh, he's cooking pretty well right now, I'd say. Only four months left, before our little boy joins the family. Then, I am done with having babies. Forever."

He smiled but it faded quickly as he thought of never having kids himself.

"Man, she must be something if she's the reason behind the pouty puppy-dog face," she pondered while leaning on the counter.

He glanced from his menu before handing it to her, "That obvious, huh? Well, I guess I'll have to drown my sorrows in the deluxe Bob burger, with large fries, please."

"You got it, Boss Man. You know, a peanut butter shake would turn that frown upside down," she suggested as she moved down the bar to the computer and entered his order.

"You trying to fatten me up?" he teased, shaking his head. "I'll tell you what, you go ahead and make that shake and I'll see what I can do about the smile part."

She beamed. In turn, half the smile appeared.

The shake was delicious; it made him forget Ashlee for almost an entire minute. Chloe rolled silverware while she talked about her kids and husband. He listened, giving her an appropriate _Uh-huh_ , when necessary. She rolled and talked; he played around with his shake. She brought out his burger and fries. He continued eating and she continued rolling. He must have been day dreaming, not giving her any of his obligatory listening responses, because she asked him what her name is and without even thinking about it, he answered Ashlee.

"Ashlee Bracken?" she exclaimed. "Have you lost your mind? I thought we already discussed all the reasons why you can't chase after her. What... With the past the two of you share, and all," she said when he gave her a look. "Did she come to town to find you?"

"Nah, she came to town to try and save the family ranch from being auctioned off. That, I know for sure," she gave him a questioning look, so he elaborated, "We have a mutual friend who informed me."

"Aw... I see, well, you should probably stay away, don't you think?" she asked. "Plus, she has the boy. A real gorgeous boy if I remember correctly, who...didn't look a thing like her, so... He must resemble the father."

He put his hands up to slow her down, "Did she say anything about a husband?"

"Not that I can think of, but I remember she didn't have a wedding band on either."

He rubbed his hands across his face, "Yeah, I noticed the same. So, the kid is a good-looking kid?"

"You haven't seen him? The kid is downright gorgeous. He has eyes I've only dreamed about and hair as black as the deepest part of the ocean. Not that I've ever been to the ocean, you know, only what I've seen in pictures. His daddy must be something to look at."

Not liking the idea of Ashlee with another man, and a supposedly gorgeous man at that, he decided he'd play devil's advocate, "Maybe he's adopted, or fostered?"

"Nope. He's her son all right. She told me so herself when we met. She said she had him young. Her brother and his wife were a great help. Sounds to me, like there's no husband, but that doesn't mean you, Avery!" she caught on to what he was really asking. "She's off limits, remember? Did you talk to her?"

"Well yes, but she told me to get lost," he answered. "Pretty much what she should've told me, but I couldn't resist...so, I kissed her. Now all I can think about is the taste of her lips. Damn, they're delicious; I can't believe I'm saying this, but, even better than Bob's deluxe burger."

She laughed, "What are you going to do about her?" She'd stopped rolling silverware and was once again leaning on her elbows listening to him gush.

He took the last bite of his burger and after chewing, replied, "I'm going to do exactly as she asked me to do. I'm going to leave her alone. For now, but... Not forever. And... I told her as much."

"But, do you think she really means to leave her be?" she questioned, he tilted his head in confusion, and she continued, "You know, some women say, _leave them be,_ but they really want you to chase them."

He shook his head and wiped his mouth with his napkin. He stood, removed his wallet from his back pocket and dropped a twenty-dollar bill on the counter.

"Not this woman, she's one woman who says what she means. The first time she said it with a shot gun pointed at me, the second time, she slapped me. I'm pretty sure she meant it. Keep the change Chloe and thanks for the talk."

After driving circles around town for another twenty minutes, he decided to stop in the post office and pick up his mail. As he opened his box and retrieved the mail, he overheard Frank talking with another rancher about land for sale.

"Five-hundred-acres. Put it up for sale today. Yep, she said sell it, she wants nothing to do with it and she's going home."

Avery glanced at the men again; double checking it was Frank talking. It was _. Ashlee was selling the land? Why would she do something like that? And, going home? Back to California?_

He closed his box and left the post office immediately. He had some thinking to do and he needed to be alone to do it; he drove to the only spot he knew would help him, the lake. The Bracken Ranch Lake. He pulled his truck to a stop about 20 yards from the benches, pulled a bottle of water from his console and walked over to sit down. This was the place he came to think about the most important things, his happy place. The benches were identical and faced the water. Because of the size of the lake, he couldn't see the house, but he knew exactly where it was, from his position.

He lowered his head in meditation, thinking about his time in juvenile detention; about his pops laying in a coma for two years after the life-saving surgery; and, about the accident. Even though Dr. Mara, his therapist, said he had to find a way to forgive himself, he still, all these years later, felt the need to bear the blame. The doctor helped him get to a place of acceptance, but... Ashlee showing up, brought back all those feelings of guilt. And... Obviously, she still blamed him for her parents' death. _Would I be any different if I were in her shoes? I am somewhat responsible, aren't I?_ God, he didn't think seeing or talking to her again was going to dredge up all these emotions; but, here he was, contemplating life's struggles once again.

His head shot up quickly at the sound of a neigh. Bracken horses were turned out to pasture. He saw their silhouettes grazing across the lake. He was sure one of them was Ashlee's favorite: Sunny. Probably the one looking his direction; the same one who'd neighed before.

"What?" he shouted at the horse, her ears perked up. "What do you want me to do about it? She won't talk to me. And... What can I say? Every time I'm around her, I can't find the words. Plus, she's gone. She left town. How am I supposed to speak reason to her now?"

Frustrated, he sat back into the bench and dropped his head into his palms.

Another hour of sitting alone, throwing weathered stones into the water, he decided it was time he headed home. Not that he had anyone wondering where he was, but he had chores needing finished before sundown. The dilemma was going to take more thinking from him, but he was determined to fix things. The issue could never be completely resolved, but he wanted to ease at least some of her pain.

On the drive home, it hit him. _Land. For sale. Ashlee is selling land. I need land. Two birds, one stone. Jacob's idea of him leasing, only twisted._

"Duh!" he said out loud. He didn't need the large amount of land she was selling, but if there was a way to purchase and only use a small section for his shop...keep his business going...he might be able to work it out.

His business did extremely well. With orders coming from all over the Mid-West region. Not only Kansas, but also, Oklahoma, Missouri, Arkansas Nebraska, Colorado, and Texas. It'd been eight years since he filed for his first business loan and was denied. After his dream of becoming a master carpenter and builder, was shot down, he kicked it to the curb and enrolled in school. After two years at Pacific Northwest Carpenters Institute, he came home to Southwind, looking to build. It took another year to sell pieces he'd been working on for years. However, once the people of Southwind saw his gift of woodworking, they were amazed. He had orders piling so high he sometimes had to work around the clock to finish them all. Once word spread of his custom pieces, he built up his business with a reliable trustworthy crew. He saved every penny he made; only using whatever money he needed to live off. He never had money growing up, and didn't know what to do with it once it started pouring in; so, it sat in his bank account. He held over half a million dollars.

He knew he wanted to spend some of the savings and build a large site he could call home to his business, Harry's Wood. He lifted his cell phone out of the truck console and dialed his friend Jacob.

"Avery," Jacob greeted from the other end of the call. "Exactly the man I wanted to speak with."

"Really?" he questioned. "And... Why is that?"

"The land we talked about in Southwind, the five-hundred acres for lease... the same land you wouldn't lease because of the history with the woman? Well, now it's for sale. I see no reason why you can't buy from Miss Bracken, do you? And, if it means you'll have a permanent place for your business, it's what you wanted, right?" he speculated.

"Yes. It's what I wanted. And, it's still what I want, but I have a curve ball to throw at you, my friend."

"A curve ball?" he groaned. "You know I don't do sports."

"I know, I know, but this one is going to be a dandy. I think in the end, you'll approve. Do whatever it is you have to do to get the land purchased. I want to pay the asking price and don't want to negotiate. You set it up and I'll be there to sign on it as soon as you have it drawn," he wiped his brow again. _Could he get away with it?_ _He was positive he could._ He continued, "Listen, Jacob, let's have lunch as soon as you have the papers, I want to move forward quickly before Miss Bracken changes her mind."

You think she'll change her mind again? She was adamant on the phone; she wants absolutely nothing to do with it.

Avery chuckled, "No... At least I doubt it; one thing I know for sure, when Ashlee makes up her mind, she sticks to it. But, in-order-to play things safe, let's move forward as soon as the bank allows the purchase."

"Are you sure you don't want me to haggle the price? I'm positive I could get her to drop it with the quick sale."

"No!" he practically blurted. "No, I just want it bought and mine. Call me when it's ready, okay?"

"You got it, Boss. It shouldn't take longer than a few days."

They both clicked off. Avery let off the brake and headed home. If his plan worked, he'd finally be able to build his perfect idea of a home for Harry's Wood, _and_ make peace with the demons from his past, in one fell swoop.

### Chapter 21 ~ Ashlee

Eli and I made it home in two days, as I expected. It was a long drive, but I was happy being back in Monterey. Eli? Not so much. He marched into Toby and Jennas' house and told Jenna right away that I was the meanest mom in the world and I'd promised him we could move to the ranch and he could have a kitten, neither of which was I giving him, and... I had lied.

I arrived in the kitchen finding Toby and Jenna looking from Eli to me, and back. Luckily, Sarah and Rebekah decided to treat Eli to a homecoming surf and ice cream party as soon as they greeted him. I was relieved. I gave him a hug; he eventually caved, returning the hug, before leaving the house. I turned back from the front door with tears in my eyes.

Jenna stood, pulling me into her arms, "Oh, Honey. I'm so sorry. What can I do for you?"

I sobbed, "Nothing...there's nothing anyone can do. I'm going to have to deal with this on my own. I thought I'd put everything behind me, but then again, I never thought I'd see Avery again."

We pulled apart and Toby came, offering his sympathies, "Ash, it's going to be okay, sit down, tell us all about it, you were so frantic on the phone, we only got that you ran into Avery and were coming home, selling the ranch."

I laughed at his way of putting it, "That's pretty much it."

I told them about the entire time I spent in Southwind. About Frank and Lannie, Eli and the animals, Clare, her husband, their baby, the Kaw naming ceremony, the drop dead gorgeous cattle manager, Ryan, and finally, Avery. We talked it over a couple of hours. Unfortunately, I didn't feel any different about the situation after rehashing it, than I had before.

They let me speak, asking their questions, here and there, as the story unfolded.

When I'd finished, Jenna questioned, "I know you're upset about seeing him, after all these years, but...setting the anger aside, did you feel anything at all, about him?"

I met her eyes in shock, "Did I feel anything good toward Avery?" I repeated, a bit harshly. "How could I? I can't forgive him for what he's done. You do realize he's solely responsible for our parents' death, right?"

Toby reached out and held my hand. "Ashlee, Sis, I know you want to blame him, but he was only fourteen years old. He was just a kid himself. What happened was an accident, it wasn't done in malice. I mean, Rebekah is fourteen now, do you think she'd intentionally kill someone's parents and you'd never forgive her for it?"

I glanced at our linked hands. "I... I don't... I don't know, Toby. Rebekah wouldn't drink, or get behind the wheel of a car, so... It's hard to fathom the scenario. But... Maybe I couldn't forgive her either. It's just...there are consequences for our actions. Whether it's an accident, or not..."

"Right, but Avery paid the consequences when he served his time in juvenile detention," Toby reminded.

"Are you kidding me?" I slammed my hands down on the table and stood, "Time in Juvie? Is that all mom and dad's lives were worth to you? Well, not for me. They were my entire world. You had them for ten years more than I did. You had Jenna and the girls before our parents were gone. I had no one."

Angry beyond belief, I turned and ran out of the house. I ran, crying all the way, to my own house. I unlocked the door, went inside and threw myself on my bed. I didn't care I'd left my Jeep at my brother's house, a mile away. That my son was with his cousins, or... that some of my great-grandfather's land was being sold. _Sell it all. I never want to see Southwind, Kansas, or Avery Harrison again._ I fell asleep crying my eyes out into my pillow.

Later, Eli stood in my doorway with Jenna standing behind him.

"Mama?" he asked. He never used _mama_ anymore. He'd outgrown it at three-years-old; he began calling me mom when another kid on the playground called him a baby for saying: _that's my mama._

I met his eyes from my spot on the bed, "Yes, Bud?" he stepped into the room; I moved over on the bed, making room for him and Jenna. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess, I promise I won't be like this forever."

"I know, Mom. Uncle Toby and Aunt Jenna told me about your friend Avery. I didn't know about him and what happened with my grandparent's. He's the reason we left the ranch?" he fiddled with the pillow sham I had kicked to the end of my bed.

I pulled him into my lap, "You don't need to worry about any of it, Eli. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't think you needed to know, but... Yes, he's the reason I wanted to come home. It has nothing to do with the ranch, or all the animals you love there, and everything to do with old memories I'm dealing with.

The three of us talked a while before Toby showed up for Jenna. Along with Eli, she'd driven my Jeep home. Toby stepped into my family room and I immediately hugged him.

"I'm sorry I was awful to you," I said into his shirt. "I'm so angry lately; I don't know how to deal with any of it, but I'll try my hardest to fix it. I promise."

He stepped back from me and met my eyes, "Ash, you don't have to apologize to me. And, I'm not going to ground you, or anything," he laughed. "You're a grown woman, not my underage sister living under my roof anymore."

I dropped my head slightly, breaking the eye-to-eye connection, he immediately brought my face back to his.

"Truthfully, I should apologize to you. I've known Avery was out, living back in Southwind, for the past six years. Frank told me on the phone, but I never thought about your connection with him. So... When I sent you back... I... I guess, I wasn't thinking about you and him running into each other... Or, it causing any problems. Can you forgive me?"

I smiled, thinking of his omission and sincere apology, there was really no need for it. He was right, he didn't know the relationship I'd had with Avery because he was long gone when it developed.

"Of course, I forgive you, Toby. It's not your fault at all, but I forgive you for not telling me."

We shared a group hug with Eli getting squished in the middle. Toby and Jenna left us for the rest of the evening, promising a trip to the beach the next day.

The next week went as slow as molasses pouring from an old mason jar. I spent a lot of time in bed or on the deck watching Eli in the surf. It was exceptionally warm for the end of June in central California. Nothing took my mind off Avery, his gorgeous smile, or haunting eyes.

I dreamt of him every night. We'd ride through the pasture together, picking apples and baking my mother's apple pie. One would think I'd dream of us as kids since that's how we last did these things, but not one dream portrayed us as children. Every moment was of the Avery I had met only days before.

In one dream, _he pushed me on the tire swing. I giggled and shouted faster, faster. He jumped onto the bottom of the tire with me and turned to face me. His face inches from mine, he whispered, "Kiss me, Ash."_

At the last moment, I turned my face and his kiss landed on my cheek. I threw my head back, laughing. He hopped off the swing, trying to stop it so he could catch me, but I was too fast for him. I whipped my legs off the tire and ran, yelling back at him, "Catch me, Avery!"

_I heard his feet pounding the ground behind me and I turned, glancing over my shoulder._ The dream evaporated, Avery along with it. I tossed and turned for an hour and a half before I finally gave up on sleep and went outside on my deck.

I was lucky. A real estate friend of mine, found the only place on the Pacific with a view, in my price range. I sat and thought of the recent dreams while waiting for the sunrise. Eli found me in the early morning and snuggled into the quilt I had draped over me. We sat silently for a long while before Eli asked if he could watch cartoons. I let him and ended up sitting on the deck until noon.

Soon, Sarah and Rebekah came to see if they could take Eli to the beach down the coast where they usually surfed. I let him go and sat the rest of the day on the deck. My laptop sat open to local job listings, but I never once looked at any of the postings. I sat all day staring at the ocean and it's ever changing waves. Jenna called around six in the evening asking if Eli could stay over. The girls were having a _Transformer_ movie marathon and Eli didn't want to miss it. I gave the okay before retreating to the deck once again, with a bottle of wine and a glass.

Around one in the morning I decided to attempt my bed once more. Again, I dreamt of Avery. This time we were dancing around the old wood floor at The Barn.

He twirled me around and around, but at the same time he was playing the guitar and singing on stage. I couldn't see his face; his cowboy hat was covering most of it, but the singer's mouth was slightly visible, and... I knew at once whose beautiful lips they were. He was singing a song about a girl who used to be his. I knew the song, but I couldn't remember the words. The only thing I could recall of the lyrics were that a woman walked out on a man. It was sad. He appeared lonely while singing and playing his guitar.

I woke up in tears of sadness.

An hour later, I was dreaming again.

This time, _my mother and father were telling me to hang on tight. I was riding Sunny; we were flying past everything, going much faster than we should be, my parents repeated for me to hang on._

"Hang on, Ashlee!" My mother yelled through the wind. "Avery is coming to save you."

Sunny and I were flying around the pasture and she didn't seem as if she was stopping anytime soon. We jumped the entire lake and she continued running. I could see a deep ravine gathering closer; I began to scream for help. At the same time, Avery tried pulling Sunny away with the reigns, but he couldn't get her to comply. We raced around the land, which constantly changed from flat pasture to rocky mountain range. Avery yelled for me to hold on as he safely pulled me off my horse onto his. Sunny continued toward the ravine without me. I screamed in fear as Avery pulled me tight to his body.

"It's okay, Ash," he whispered in my ear. "You're okay now, I've got you. I love you. I'm never letting you go, not ever."

He rode his horse back around the lake and I slid off into my parent's arms, shrieking with alarm, "Sunny!"

"She's fine," My father reassured me, pulling away and pointing toward the lake where she stood, drinking. "See? Everything is all right; Avery was here to save you."

I turned toward Avery, who was still on the back of his horse and questioned, "Avery?"

"There's nothing to worry about, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere; I love you. Can't you see that?"

I stared at him in disbelief before turning toward my parents again, "He loves me?"

My mother took me in her arms and turned me to face Avery, "He has always loved you, my sweet, sweet Ashlee. We've always known he'd love you forever."

I kept my eyes on Avery as he reached out his hand.

My mother gave me a slight push forward and said, "It's okay, Darling; you don't have to worry, Avery will take care of you. He saved you, didn't he?"

"Yes," I whispered as I took his hand.

The dream faded away again as I woke up to the strong, unmistakable aroma, of coffee. I spent a few minutes adjusting to the morning before I climbed out of bed and followed the scent to my kitchen.

Jenna stood at my kitchen counter sipping a cup of the delicious brew.

"Hey," I acknowledged as I reached for a mug and poured my own cup. "What brings you here so early?"

My sister-in-law laughed, "Early? Exactly what time is it in Ashlee-Land?"

I glanced at the microwave clock, "Holy bejesus! It's past one in the afternoon? How on God's green earth did I sleep the morning away?"

"My money is on the lack of sleep you've had lately," she shrugged her shoulders before hastily adding, "Sorry, Eli told us you're not sleeping well... And, when you do, you wake up crying, or screaming. He's concerned."

I sat down hard at the bar and exhaled audibly before beginning, "He's right, I guess. I've been having a lot of dreams, or nightmares, I guess you could say." I told her most of the ones I could remember and how they were all concerning Avery. Some were fun times we were having together; others were frightening, like the one I had only minutes before.

"You know the really weird part?" Her eye brows rose in question and I continued, "In all the dreams, I'm my current age, and Avery his, but my parents have not aged a day past when I saw them last."

"Well, that's understandable, Ash; you wouldn't know what they'd look like today. I think it'd be weirder if you managed picturing them as old people and knowing they were your parent's. Don't you?"

I thought about it a moment and agreed with her, "I suppose so, huh? Hey, what do you think they would look like today? You think my father would be bald?"

"Most definitely," she admitted. "He was already starting a bald patch on the back of his head, I can only guess it would've kept eating up the rest of his hair."

We laughed before sipping our coffee.

"But, your mother," she continued, "Your mother would still be gorgeous, she'd still have beautiful dark hair like your brother's and those haunting blue eyes Eli inherited. I always wondered how you ended up with your father's golden hair. You'd think, with how dark your mother was, any children she produced would receive the jet-black hair no matter how blonde the man she married," she picked up a lock of my hair, fiddled with it and dropped it. "But no, you have your father's coloring. You know, you look exactly like him, don't you? I mean the womanly version. And, I'm one-hundred percent sure, both would be extremely proud of how you turned out. Don't worry about the dreams; I'm sure they're the result of your visit to the ranch. Probably nothing really, but if they're keeping you from sleeping you should see your Psychiatrist about some sleep aids."

I waved her off, "Nah, I'm sure I'll be fine once I get back to a routine. Find a job, get Eli back to school, and all that." I replied as I glanced around, "Hey, where is the little squirt anyway?"

"Uh..." she began. I turned sharply toward her, knowing the sound of her _uh_ wasn't a sound I was going to be happy with. "Don't be mad, Ashlee."

"What do you mean, _don't be mad_?" I demanded as I pushed my chair back from the table and went to look outside. He wasn't there. Jenna's BMW was in my driveway, but no Eli, "You cannot begin a sentence with _don't be mad, Ashlee_ ; where is my son, Jenna?"

"He went with Toby," she replied.

I relaxed, "Oh, well that's okay, why the frightening tone? Where'd they go?"

"The Ranch," it was barely a whisper.

"What was that?" I rounded on the bar and ground both palms into it while leaning toward my sister-in-law, "I'm not sure what you said but it sort-of sounded like The Ranch, and the only place I'm familiar with known as _the ranch_ is the one my family owns in Kansas; the very same Kansas which happens to be sixteen-hundred miles and a twenty-four-hour drive from here. Surely, you didn't say The Bracken Ranch, did you?"

She put her hands up and blurted, "Toby got a call about the land. There's a buyer but they needed either you or Toby to be in Wichita for the sale, so... Toby said _no way in hell he was going to have you go back with the way you were so upset, so_... he said he'd go, it'd only take a couple of days to get there, do the sale and then two days back home. I agreed, and we packed his suitcase. Everyone said their goodbyes, including Eli. Then, the girls and Eli went back to the surf. Two hours later, the girls came in asking if Eli was feeling better. I asked them what they were talking about and they told me how Eli said he had a stomach cramp before they even got in the water. He'd come inside to lie down. They were checking on him. We couldn't find him anywhere. I was getting ready to call you to ask if he went home when Toby called and said he had a stow-away. Eli had crept into the back of the SUV and kept himself hidden until he had to use the bathroom outside of Bakersfield. Toby was beside himself on what to do, but Eli insisted he go with him to the ranch—"

"—STOP!" I yelled. "Please, stop rambling," I started pacing my kitchen, "How could he do this? Isn't that like running away or something? Oh, that boy is going to be in some deep trouble when I get my hands on him, Toby too!" I hissed as I pointed at Jenna. I went to my front door and grabbed my keys off the hook, "How long ago did they leave?"

"Um... Yesterday."

"What?" I yelled at the poor woman for the second time in less than a minute.

"Yesterday afternoon. The call came yesterday. They should be there by tonight. What are you doing?" She asked as I opened the front door.

"I'm going to Kansas to get my kid back, of course."

"Like that?"

I checked my clothing and found myself wearing only an over-sized tee shirt and panties. I shut the door quickly and hustled to my bedroom.

"Oops, thought it was a bit drafty in here."

"I thought maybe you'd want to go after them; your Jeep is already packed and ready to go," she relayed as she followed me into my bedroom. "Get yourself dressed and let's hit the road."

I pulled my head through my fresh tee shirt and met her eyes quickly before pulling shorts out of my dresser, "You're going too?"

"If you think I'm going to miss you kicking my husband's ass, you're dead wrong, Sister!" she laughed, "Toby has needed a good butt kicking since I don't know when; I'm planning on being front and center for the show."

I slipped my sandals on and smiled at my sister-in-law, "Well then, I'll try not to disappoint. Let's go."

"Hey. Where did you get this?" she asked as she pulled off the over-sized dream catcher hanging over my headboard.

"It's a dream catcher."

She rolled her eyes at me, "Duh, dork. I know what it is. I asked where you got it."

I took it from her and smoothed down a feather between my fingers, "My friend Clare's husband, Blacko. His family gave it to me at the naming ceremony for their baby. Why?"

"Because..." she paused, "Because you, my dear sister, have been having outrageous dreams. Did you ever think it could be because you had a powerful spiritual dream catcher hanging above your head? Hmm?"

I looked from Jenna to the dream catcher and back to Jenna, "Are you crazy? It's a hand-made trinket, not a magic wand."

"Just a trinket?" she gasped. "It's an extremely powerful trinket and I'm positive if you removed it, you wouldn't be having those dreams."

I stood in the middle of the room staring at her, "Perfect. I've been cursed by the Kaw to forever have nightmares of Kansas and the man who killed my parents. Come on, let's go get my kid before something else happens," I threw the thing in the trash on the way out the door.

We were out of Monterey and on the highway within the half hour.

Chapter 22 ~ Avery

Avery fidgeted with his shirt cuffs and pulled at his collar. _Damn shirt_ , he thought. He wore a long sleeve, button-up, grey, business shirt and a navy tie with little pink swirls in it. It seemed girly, but the sales lady at the department store assured him, it was what all business men wore to meetings. _Who was he kidding?_ His comfortableness wasn't because of the shirt; it was due to the major purchase he was making in the next few minutes. He already saw his lawyer friend, Jacob, walking back and forth between the meeting room and his assistant's desk. He heard him tell her to have copies of all sale clauses for the land ready and on his desk in ten minutes, and that, was ten minutes ago.

The front door swung open and a tall man, Avery guessed him to be in his thirties, stepped in. He had on a similar monkey suit to his, and when he noticed he wasn't alone in the office, he nodded. The man walked to the receptionist window and spoke quietly. He was waved toward the coffee and waiting room chairs while she told him it would be a few minutes. The man passed on the coffee and took a seat opposite Avery. They glanced at each other once more. Avery thought he looked somewhat familiar; his dark hair and deep blue eyes caused him to stand out from the rest of the world. Only one person he'd seen in life had the same complexion, hair, and eyes. Ashlee's mother: Francis Bracken.

The receptionist returned to the room and addressed them both by name, "Mr. Bracken, Mr. Harrison; Mr. Shields will see you now. Follow me, please."

Both men arose and proceeded to Jacob's office. Avery motioned for Toby to go before him. He didn't remember much of the man from their younger days, but noticed, now, as an adult, he was built much like his father, Mr. Bracken. The last time he'd heard the name was in a court before a juvenile detention judge. Only the judge wasn't talking about this Mr. Bracken, he was speaking of the elder, the deceased Mr. Bracken.

It didn't appear Toby knew who Avery was or remembered him at all. _It's probably a good thing. If he knew, he might not sell me the land; I'll have to play this cool,_ he thought. They were ushered into a conference room with a large, glass-top, wooden table. Avery new the table well. He'd built it for Jacob a few years back. He slid into one of the chairs surrounding the table and the other men did the same.

"Gentlemen, would you like coffee, tea, or water?" the receptionist asked.

All three men put their orders in and the receptionist left to fill them. Besides the lawyer, Toby and he, a legal assistant and a secretary were present.

Jacob shuffled some papers and after being situated he made introductions between everyone present. Avery noted Toby's firm handshake and what seemed to be a genuine smile.

Yes, must be oblivious of who I am.

Jacob continued, stating for the record what it was they were all doing in the same room. The secretary typed away as if she were writing a book.

"So, let's get this straight here, Mr. Bracken, you are prepared to sell the proposed five-hundred-acres in question for thirteen-hundred dollars per acre which comes to a sum of six-hundred and fifty-thousand dollars," Jacob glanced at Toby for reply.

Toby nodded, and replied, "Yes, Sir. You are correct."

Jacob continued to Avery, "And, Mr. Harrison, you are prepared to pay the asking price in full?"

It was Avery's turn to nod, "Correct, I'll be transferring funds from my account to the Bracken's account via the bank today.

The statement had Toby's attention, "You're paying cash?"

"Yes, Sir," he answered. "I own a business and have cash saved up for this very investment."

"Impressive," Toby acknowledged. "And, may I ask what you are in the business of? I'd rather not sell the land to something illegal, you understand, right?"

"Absolutely," he answered. "I design and build wood structures, anything from a remodel, to building from the ground up. Plus, some custom pieces here and there."

Jacob interrupted, "Yes, he does. And, I can vouch for him being in a legal trade, Mr. Bracken. In fact, this table is one of his custom pieces."

Toby examined the table. Avery watched as the man ran his fingers over the legs, and around the sides of the intricate carvings. There were books, scrolls, and fish carved into the edges. The legs were swirls and bent perfectly under the glass to form a trout in the center.

"Interesting, fish and books?" Toby questioned.

"My favorite things," Jacob admitted.

Toby laughed, "Well, whatever it is that you enjoy, Mr. Shields, it's beautiful work, Mr. Harrison. I have no problems selling to you, if you're in a legit business."

Avery and Jacob laughed before Avery added, "Yes, definitely legit."

While Jacob finished the necessary paperwork, the two men talked about Avery's woodwork. Coffee and tea were refilled; tiny sandwiches were brought into the room.

"Uh-oh," Jacob's voice interrupted the conversation.

"Uh-oh?" both men echoed.

"Well, it seems I've hit a snag in the paperwork," Jacob explained. "I don't think it's going to be a problem, but it could be."

"Well, what is it?" Avery inquired.

Jacob glanced from Avery to Toby and replied, "It seems we _are_ going to need your sister's signature after all, Mr. Bracken." He shook his head, "I thought I looked over every possible signature needed on the paperwork and told you it could be done without her, but there is one place where she'll need to sign before it can be completed. It's a signature saying she's in agreement with the final sale."

Toby appeared ashen, "Okay, can I fax it to her? She's in California and I highly doubt I can get her back out here anytime soon."

"Yes. A fax will be fine, let me get my secretary to send it. Do you have her fax number?" Jacob requested.

Toby nodded and pulled out his cell phone. He rattled off some numbers before adding, "Let me call her first; give her a heads up a fax is coming so she can make sure the phone line is open."

"No problem," Jacob answered.

Avery exhaled the breath he was holding. "Whew... I really thought it was going to be a lot bigger uh-oh than that."

"Me too," Toby answered.

"Well, sometimes family won't sign-off on the sale, so I think my _uh-oh_ was more of an _oh-no_ we're going to have a family feud over the sale, and, since I met with Miss. Bracken a couple weeks ago, and she really wanted to hold onto the land, I'll admit I was a little worried it would be a real snag," Jacob explained.

"She's changed her mind," Toby replied.

"Oh?" Jacob asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid she drove home last week upset and doesn't want anything to do with any of it. That's why I'm here dealing with it," It was Toby's turn to explain.

Avery stopped toying with his empty coffee cup. He glanced at Toby sure he'd be glaring at him, but he wasn't. His conversation was solely with Jacob.

"I'll go make that call," he said as he pushed back from the table and left the room.

After he was gone, Jacob stared Avery straight on, "Well, shit. This is the girl you ran off last week? You mean you ran her all the way back to California?"

Avery nodded.

Jacob rolled up a paper and smacked him on the head, "What is the matter with you? You're always causing women to run from you. Don't you know how it works? You date a woman, you marry a woman, you have kids, and you live happily ever after. End of story. Jeez man, what about you repulses women?"

"All the women in the past have left because I was stuck on one woman. Ashlee Bracken. The same girl I've been stuck on since we were in Kindergarten. Finally, I get a chance to see her and she runs away," he shook his head, "And, she had every right to run. I'm trouble for her."

"Is there any chance at all she'll back out of the sale?"

"If she feels the way she says she feels about me?" he asked himself out loud, "Not a chance in hell she'll sell to me."

Toby returned and reported he left a message on her answering machine. Since she wasn't home, there was a good chance the fax would be on; go ahead and fax the papers.

The men couldn't go any farther without the signature, so they departed with the notion of meeting to finish once Jacob received the returned fax, signed.

On the drive back to Southwind, Avery thought about how his plan will never go through now they'd hit the snag they hit. _There's no way she says yes. Absolutely no way. You heard Toby; she was upset when she went back to California. If she was that upset, she'll never let me buy the land._

He pulled into the drive leading up to his house. The same drive which went past the tire swing. He saw a dark-haired little boy swinging high on the tire. It couldn't be one of Frank and Lannie's grandkids, they were both older, taller. It had to be Ashlee's boy. He did the one thing he probably shouldn't be doing at-the-moment, he pulled to the side of the drive, turned off his truck, got out, and walked toward the swing.

"Hey," he said to the kid.

The kid looked up from his lap like he was in trouble. The furry ball in his lap got away from him and crawled up his shirt to his neck where it tried to dig its tiny claws into the kid.

He yelped, "Ouch!"

Avery moved toward them, helping to release the creature from the kid's neck, offering the fur ball back to his little hands.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare the two of you."

"It's okay," the kid replied sadly, "I was holding him because he's mine, but I'm not allowed to take him home with me."

"Oh... Well, why not?"

"My mom says no. I live in California," he looked at Avery and questioned, "You know where that is?"

He laughed, "Yeah buddy, I sure do. So... You're a long way from home, aren't you?"

"I suppose so. Two days it takes to get here. I was here for a couple of weeks and then we went home and now I'm back and I'm not leaving. I don't care what my mom says. She can stay in California; I'm going to live here with Frank and Lannie."

"Really?" Avery was amazed at the kid's certainty, thinking he sounded exactly like his mother at the age, "And, how does your mother feel about this?"

The kid hopped off the swing and cradled the kitten near his shoulder. "She doesn't know yet, but when she finds out I came to Kansas without her she's going to be pretty mad, so... I'm not going back."

Avery choked on his breath, "You what?"

The kid looked at him before sitting on the nearby bench, "I hitchhiked here from California, but it was in my Uncle Toby's car, so I didn't do anything illegal, right?"

The kid met Avery with his big blue eyes; Avery returned the blank stare.

"Oh boy, I'm going to be in trouble, aren't I?"

"I'm thinking so, especially as mad as your mama is at me. She's probably going to tan your hide," he acknowledged.

The kid looked up at him in question, "Tan my hide?"

"It's a back-country way of saying spank your bottom."

The kid thought about the saying before asking, "My mom is mad at you? Does she even know you?"

Avery inhaled and stuck out his hand to the kid, "Avery Harrison."

The kid was hesitant but eventually took his hand, "Eli Devin Bracken," he said, "You're right, she is mad at you, actually, she's mad, sad, upset, crying, and angry. Are angry and mad the same thing?"

"I believe so. She's so mad, she's crying?"

"For the whole week," Eli answered. "See why I had to escape?"

"Don't blame you. What do you think is going to happen when she finds out you're gone?"

Eli sat still for a minute, slumping into the bench before replying, "I guess I should go find my Uncle Toby and ask him to take me home, huh? She's probably crying some more by now."

"I think that's probably a good idea," he replied as he stroked the kitten in the kids' arms.

Eli stood and tucked the scurrying kitten back into the crook of his arm, "Avery?"

"Yes, Eli?" he questioned.

"Did you really do it? I mean, I've never met a murderer before, but you seem nice and not like a crazy killer. Not that I've ever met one, though."

Avery stopped fiddling with the piece of grass he'd plucked and watched Eli. He hadn't prepared for the question. He inhaled and exhaled deeply while coming up with his response.

"I..."

What exactly does one say to that question?

He took a deep breath, "It was an accident and I was young and stupid. I'm... I'm really sorry, Eli, about your grandparent's, and all."

Eli shrugged his shoulders, "Eh, it's okay. I didn't think you meant to do it, but my Uncle Toby only told me about what happened to my grandparent's when I got back to California last week. If it was left to my mom, she would've never told me. If it helps, my Uncle Toby doesn't think you're a killer either."

"Well, that's a relief," he replied, more to himself than Eli. "I am really sorry that you never met them Eli. They were nice people and treated me like their son just as much as your mom was their daughter."

Eli moved the kitten around in his arms as he turned to walk away, "I should go find my Uncle Toby. Bye, Avery."

Avery stood and started walking toward his truck. He glanced over his shoulder watching Eli walk in the opposite direction, toward the barns.

"Hey, kid."

Eli turned, "Yeah?"

"Good luck with your mom," he chuckled. "I suggest you start with how sorry you are and how you didn't mean to make her worry or scare her."

Eli shot him a smile and turned, running toward the barn.

### Chapter 23 ~ Ashlee

We pulled into the ranch around eleven at night on our second day of travel. I was bushed, but I wanted to verify my child was alive and well before I hit the hay. Jenna had contacted Toby from her phone when we cleared the Sequoia National Forest and were in cell range. I'd decided not to tell Eli I was on my way; Toby agreed. All lights in the house were off except the kitchen where Toby was waiting for us at the table. He pulled Jenna to his body for a quick kiss. When they parted, I punched him in the stomach. My punch wasn't hard enough to do any real damage, he dramatized it anyway.

"Ouch!" he grimaced, doubling over in pretend pain. I knew my brother surfed six out of seven days a week; plus, he ran three miles a day and lifted weights. A girly punch from his kid sister, was not bringing him down. "What was that for?"

"Don't be such a baby; we both know I didn't even dent your first layer of iron abs. And... My hand is probably worse off than your stomach," I quipped. "The punch was for taking my son with you whether you knew he was with you, or not. Someone had to get punched; you seemed like the best candidate. My God, don't you check your backseat before you go on a twenty-four-hour road trip? I mean...you weren't going to the grocery store, you were going... Across. The. Country. Hello?"

"Yeah, Ash, because everyone expects to find a stow-a-way in their car; besides, he was fine. He wanted to get away from his mother who was in a _pain-coma_ and became a _zombie_ after coming home," he replied using finger quotes around Eli's terms. "At least that's what he told me once I knew I had company and we had a conversation about why he _ran-away_."

I pulled my fist back again but thought better of it; it was still throbbing, "I was not a zombie!" I countered, maybe a little too loudly because Jenna put her fingers to her lips and shushed me. "Okay, okay," I admitted as I set my bag on the table. "Fine, I was a zombie, but, I'm not anymore, and... I'm ready to get my kid and leave."

My brother took my hand in his, rubbing my knuckles, "Before you jet out of here, Little Sis, it turns out I'm going to need your signature on a document. You have to sign saying I'm not robbing you of anything and you agree to the sale; nothing big."

"Are you?" I implored.

He met my eyes with question.

"Ashlee," Jenna chimed in, "Do you honestly think Toby would pull one over on you?"

"No," I laughed, "But watching him squirm when I asked was fun. I'll sign whatever it is as-long-as I can get out of here. Forever."

A chill went through my body as I spoke the words. _Why did leaving Kansas suddenly feel as if it would be the biggest mistake of my life?_ I shook off the feeling and excused myself to bed, it'd been a long day of driving, which I did most of while Jenna gabbed. I enjoyed girl talking with her, but the conversation had come around to Avery too many times for me to be comfortable.

I climbed the stairs and stole a glimpse of my sleeping child. He was curled in a ball on his side, sound asleep, hugging my large bear. I bent and kissed his forehead before leaving the room quietly. I had plans for the kid in the morning and I wanted him to be surprised when he found his mother at Bracken Ranch. I stepped into my brothers' old bedroom, wondering if he and Jenna had plans to sleep in the room or if they were taking the master bedroom. There was no way in hell I was taking mom and dad's room. So, I got undressed and climbed into the now familiar bed. There were two more bedrooms on the main floor, both had a bed in them, but probably not clean linens. _Unless Toby dressed them,_ I thought before shaking my head and laughing. _Who am I kidding? It's Toby, he probably hasn't made a bed in his entire life._ Before Jenna, our mother made every bed of his. When he moved away for college, already in a serious relationship with Jenna, she probably made is bed and has been making it every day since.

Lying back in the bed, as I had done the first night, only a month before, I noticed the moon was again shining through the large windows behind me. Stars filled the night sky and I heard an owl hoot in a nearby tree. Sleep was right around the corner and I could feel the pull of the dreams I was having while in California.

"Please, don't dream of Avery; I left the dream catcher in California," I prayed aloud, before succumbing to sleep. It worked. At least I believe it worked. When I woke, I didn't remember dreaming at all.

I woke earlier than I would've liked, after two days of driving. I crept downstairs, wanting to cook a hearty breakfast for my little run-away. I hoped it would be ready by the time he bounded down the stairs and out the door, before he visited whichever animals were on his mind today. I fixed his favorites: waffles with strawberries and cream on top, scrambled eggs with bacon on the side, and a large glass of chocolate milk. I sat in a chair hidden from view of the staircase and patiently waited with my coffee. It didn't take long, with the smell of bacon floating through the house, all three of the house guests were soon making their way toward the kitchen.

Toby was first; when he saw my spread, he only had one word, "Nice."

I grinned. Jenna laughed, got herself a mug of coffee and took a seat beside me, out of view.

"Please tell me you made extra," Toby pleaded. I shushed him as we heard little feet on the stairs.

"Uncle Toby?" Eli shuffled into the room rubbing his eyes. "Did you cook? Do you even know how to..." his question forgotten when he realized I was sitting at the table with Aunt Jenna. He gulped audibly.

"Well hello there, Bud. Aren't you going to say good morning to your mother?" I demanded with a devilish grin plastered on my face.

He remained frozen in place.

"Did you not think I would know my _only_ child was missing?" I threatened, reminding myself to remain calm. _He's only eight. Yes, he hid out in his uncles' car and travelled over sixteen-hundred miles without permission, but still, he's only a kid. Remain calm._

"I'm sorry," he pleaded before beginning his reasoning. "But... You said you were _never_ coming back to the ranch, and you were crying all the time and I just wanted to come here and get Tiger."

I looked at him like he was crazy, "Tiger?"

"My kitten," he answered, his eyes working me over. "You know Tiger, he's the striped one. I want to take him home and you said I could, remember?"

How could I stay mad at this kid? I couldn't. I would, however, have to let him know how scared I was.

"Come here," I gestured for him as I pulled him by his little hand onto my lap. Giving him an extra squeeze, I told him all the reasons I couldn't lose him; of all the pain I'd be in if he ever left me; that I had him for the next ten years whether he liked it or not; and, how he couldn't get rid of me so easy. Yes, I'd be a better mother and get out of my pajamas before nine in the morning from now on, but he better never-ever pull something like the stunt he pulled, again. He agreed, gave me a big kiss, and another hug.

"Now, eat your waffles," I encouraged as I pushed him off my lap, toward his chair. The four of us ate, talking between bites.

Afterwards, Eli took Jenna, Toby and I on a tour of the barns where we were introduced to the horses, goats, dogs, and kittens; including Tiger. He beamed with pride while showing off his foal. He'd settled on the name Shadow and it seemed to suit the little girl perfectly. Jenna was in love with the her and asked Toby if she could have her own pony.

When our tour ended, Toby and I left for the lawyer's office, while Jenna stayed behind with plans of fishing with Eli.

On the short trip to Wichita, I noticed Toby seemed distant; on another planet. He usually drove determined, but... I could tell, when he blew past a red Ferrari without noticing the misplaced car, he clearly wasn't paying attention to his surroundings.

"So, what's the problem?"

"Huh?" he questioned, "Oh, what was that?"

"I asked you what the problem is," I repeated. "You're either on another planet, or something is bothering you...big time. And, since I can see you're right here with me, I can only assume something is eating you up."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you have?"

He chuckled. "No, I was just reminiscing old times spent out here with Jenna; when we were kids, and stuff," he looked from me to the road in front of us again.

"Uh-huh," I countered. I didn't believe him one bit, but if he didn't want to talk about it, fine.

We pulled in front of the law office mere minutes shy of ten o'clock. Mr. Shields was waiting for us in the conference room with papers laid out on the table, ready to sign. He wore a dark button-up shirt with a lavender tie. The color combo made him all-the-more attractive and I blushed under his smile. After greeting each other, we spoke a few minutes about the sale of the land.

When Mr. Shields began telling us about the buyers' plan for the land, I held my hand up and said, "If it's all the same to you, Mr. Shields, I'd rather not know any of the details, tell me where to sign and I'll be out of your hair for good. Toby can handle all other paperwork."

The lawyer hesitated but after a nod from Toby he pointed to the line where my signature was needed. I took a deep breath and signed the acreage away. I twisted his expensive pen with the fancy _Shields Law Firm_ logo closed and handed it back, before clapping my hands together, proclaiming, "Well, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I'm going shopping for a couple of hours before I have to be back for you, Toby."

They both laughed, I shook hands again with Mr. Shields, said goodbye, and Toby walked me out to his car.

"Are you, all right? I mean, you just agreed to sell five-hundred-acres."

"So, did you," I reminded him. "Nah, I'm good, I have something to do here in town and then I'll be back for you about noon, okay?"

"Sounds good, Sis," he replied as he gave me a peck on my cheek. "Behave yourself now, I don't want to hear of you making trouble in the city."

"Me? Get in trouble? I highly doubt it. It's you who needs reminded of how to behave; abducting children and all..." I watched him give me a halfhearted smirk as I climbed into his car and left.

My errand was more of a task. I wanted to find a flower shop in Wichita to deliver arrangements to Southwind, throughout the year. I was hoping to set up a monthly delivery of flowers to our parents' grave. After seeing it practically bare, I decided a fresh arrangement would help liven the plot. The irony was not lost on me.

It wasn't hard, finding a local florist who would do the job. However, we also had the daunting task of deciding which arrangements should be delivered throughout the year. What I didn't want, was spring flowers delivered in the foot of snow that could easily fall in January. After a long look through the picture book of choices, I had every month chosen for the next year. I decided I would deliver the first month since I was in town. The florist designed a beautiful bouquet of white star lilies, red poppies, and blue grape hyacinths. She accented the arrangement with plastic red, white, and blue stars in celebration of Independence Day. I loaded the flowers in the car and returned to gather Toby.

He noticed the flowers in the back seat before I could say anything and inquired, "Who are those for?"

"Mom and Dad," I answered nonchalantly. "I was at their gravesite a couple of weeks ago and it's extremely boring; plain. I mean, the head stone is nice, but there's no personal touch."

"Why did I never think of that?" he asked, either himself or me, either way we both knew the answer. He's a guy; he'd never think of delivering flowers to a cemetery, he hardly remembered to have them delivered to his wife on their anniversary. We shared a long look before busting-up laughing.

"I ordered deliveries for an entire year," I declared. "They'll bring a new flower arrangement each month and throw away the old."

"Well, aren't you the thoughtful child," he teased. "No, really, that was nice of you."

I nodded, and we rode back to town in silence.

### Chapter 24 ~ Avery

Avery couldn't believe Ashlee signed. And, that she was back in town. _What did it mean? Who was he kidding? He knew exactly what it meant._ She was frantic because her son left the state without telling her, and... She drove halfway across the country to get him back. He didn't blame her, he would've done the same thing for his child, if he had one, and he still couldn't believe the kid had left his mother the way he did... Or, that his uncle didn't turn the car around when he found him in the backseat. He shook his head. It didn't matter, she hated him, wanted nothing to do with him, and it was definitely a warranted emotion. He was ultimately responsible for her pain and there was really nothing he could do to make up for the loss of her parents. Except...there was one thing he could do... And, he was about to finish it once and for all.

Jacob poured him another cup of coffee, "Now, you're one-hundred percent positive you want to do this? You know, I can still tear up the second part of the sale."

"Yes," he answered. "I have to. I've taken too much from the Bracken family to take their grandfather's land as well; show me where to sign."

"Sign here, and here. Then, on this page, here, and your initials in the box there."

Avery pulled the pen out of the wooden box holder, "They signed the papers without question?"

"Yes, Sir," Jacob answered. "Neither one bothered to read through the document; I easily pawned it off as another signature needed for the sale. The land has been legally sold to you and gifted back to Ashlee and Toby without their knowledge. You've paid for it and paid the gift tax ahead of time so there will be no fees for them to pay except their normal taxes on the land, which they would've paid had they kept the land.

"Perfect."

He left Jacob's office and drove back home. He wasn't necessarily happy, but he wasn't sad about his life anymore. He felt good about the decision he made, taking blame for the accident twelve-years before, but now, he was making peace with the realm of the entire situation. He was finally able to give something back to the Brackens, instead of taking it.

He pulled into town late in the afternoon, deciding he had one more stop, before heading home. He parked alongside the road and walked over to Mr. and Mrs. Bracken's grave. While he stood and respected them for a moment, he thought about everything Ashlee had been through.

"I'm sorry for what happened on that road twelve years ago. I'm sorry my pops was such a mess, I'm sorry he took you from your family, and I'm sorry you've missed all this time with Ashlee and Toby," he lifted his head from speaking to the ground. "You'd be so proud of them. And, you're grandson Eli, man he's something else," he wiped a tear forming in the corner of an eye. "I miss you both more than I ever thought possible, but... I'm going to leave you in peace from now on. Thank you for your time and children."

He placed two single roses on the headstone, backed away, and picked up his guitar from where it rested by a tree. After walking the short distance across the cemetery, he took a seat against the backside of his pops' headstone, as he did every week. The headstone was large as far as headstones went, somewhere around three feet tall and two feet wide. It was made of black granite stone. His father's name was etched in white. He leaned against the cool stone and situated his fingers on the guitar, strumming slowly, tuning as he went. He didn't have songs of his own; he wasn't intensely serious about playing and had coincidentally learned how to play in music therapy class, a mandatory part of his time in Juvie. He seemed to pick up on it quickly, and enjoyed playing, so he kept at it after his release.

He began the chords for the song he played his pops every week. It was a song by country artist Joe Diffie, a song about all the things in life the singer had but if he didn't have the one thing he really wanted, the person he couldn't bring back, he was nothing.

He played on until he finished the song, then set his guitar next to him and bowed his head in prayer. When he finished, he stood, picking his guitar up as he did, and turned.

### Chapter 25 ~ Ashlee

I dropped Toby off at the ranch before heading to the cemetery. After parking on the side of the road, I took the flower basket and walked toward my parents' grave. As I neared, I heard the strumming of a guitar and faint singing. Intrigued, I followed the music, forgoing my original plans. The closer I came to the music, the more familiar the voice became. When I was close enough to figure out where the music was coming from, I saw a pair of jean clad legs, cowboy boots attached, leaning up against the back of a giant headstone.

I stood quietly; listening. The melancholy music coming from the other side of the headstone was mesmerizing. For a moment, I lost myself in the sad tune while thinking over everyone I'd lost in my life. The music ended but I hadn't noticed. My eyes flickered to the name on the headstone, knowing what I would find.

Sure enough, it read:

Here Lies Fredrick Gregory Harrison.

Born April 1st, 1962.

Entered Eternal Rest August 15th, 2004.

"He will cover you with his Feathers and his Faithfulness will be your Shield" Psalm 91:4.

I stood staring at Avery's fathers' headstone; I felt the tears threaten as I realized Avery had risen and turned. Our eyes met as I released the sob I held. The hot tears fell on my cheeks quickly while I turned and fled.

"Ashlee!" I heard him yell after me.

I could feel his boots hit the ground and knew he was chasing me down. I made it within ten feet of my parents' plot before being grabbed from behind.

We were both winded, but once he caught most of his breath, he spoke, "What are you doing here?"

"Me?" I yelled, furiously. "What am I doing here?" I pointed towards my parents' grave, and spat my words in his face, "I'm visiting my parent's. What are you doing here? And, really? You had to bury your father in the same cemetery as my parents?"

"Ash," he exhaled.

I could tell he was exasperated with me, and knew I should settle down, but something about this man riled me. He wasn't trying to hurt me, but every time I looked at him I remembered the pain he'd caused.

"Ashlee, you and I both know it's the only cemetery around town. It's a small area, and our parents knew each other. Will you ever put this in the past?"

I searched his eyes with confusion. _Why should I have to put it behind me? That would be like forgetting... I'd never forget what this man did to my family._ I pushed away and walked swiftly toward the grave. He stayed where I left him, ten feet away.

"I don't know what you expect me to do. Forget the accident ever happened? Forget you killed my parents? How can you ask me to do something like that?" I demanded as I wiped my wet cheeks. Frustrated, I bent and placed the flower basket in front of the headstone before turning, "And, why? Or, rather, how did your dad die in 2004 instead of the day of the accident. I was told all three we're killed in the accident."

He glanced at me, scuffed his boot on the nearby tree, before kicking it hard. "Dammit, Ashlee, I don't want to talk about the past. Don't you think it's been hard for me as well? Don't you think the demon's haunt me?"

Whipping my head around as I faced him, I yelled, "Hard for you to get over? You caused this mess. You're responsible for everything."

"Ash, it's not that simple," he stepped toward me but kept his hands in his pockets.

I watched him watching me. He wasn't threatening in any way. Unbelievably, the pull to him was almost magnetic. Everything was confusing. _How could this man, whom I loved as a boy, yet hated as a man, give me the butterflies I currently felt?_

I shook my head and spoke evenly, "The fact remains, you are solely responsible for the death of my parent's. It may be something I can forgive someday, but it'll never be forgettable. There's nothing more for us to say to each other. So, please, stay away from me and my family."

I turned on my heels and walked to my Jeep. He didn't chase after me. I got in, cranked the engine and sped away.

I don't remember the drive back to the ranch. I remember getting out of the truck, storming inside the house and throwing my keys on the table. No one was there. I called out for Eli. Toby. Jenna. No one answered.

I snapped, "Great, just great."

I stormed back outside to the barn; I found everyone gone as well. After kicking a bucket, punching the punching bag hanging in the corner, and knocking over the bin of apples, I attempted calming myself. I picked up an apple and walked toward Sunny's stall; she'd begun neighing as soon as I entered the barn. I spoke for a few minutes about the craziness my life had become. I'd calmed, somewhat, so I decided we could both use fresh air. Prepping Sunny took me all of ten minutes. I lead her out of the barn as Clare drove up in her red sports car.

I welcomed her embrace.

"Ash, I'm glad you're back; I really have to talk to you. It's about Avery."

Mid-hug, I held up my hand and stopped her, "Clare, I know you mean well, but I can't hear any more about Avery, right now. Or, ever. We spoke at the graveyard, less than thirty minutes ago, nothing has changed. Actually, it's worse than I thought. He wants me to forgive him, forget the whole accident ever happened. I can't do that to my parent's. I don't know who he thinks he is, but it's never happening. I'm leaving tomorrow and not coming back for a long while." I saw the hurt the statement caused my friend and immediately added, "I'm sorry, Clare. It's not forever, only for the time being...until I can sort things out; heal this hurt. And you, Blacko, and Sam can visit me anytime; I'll even fly you out to me. Well, if I can get a job and paycheck soon."

She waved my rant off before pleading with me, "It's important, Ash."

"I know, everyone says it's important I forgive him, but I can't, not now, maybe not ever," I said as I put my foot in the stir-up and swung my leg over the saddle, sitting upright. I turned Sunny toward the pasture, hoping I could escape this madness.

"Avery didn't kill your parent's."

I froze. Sunny took a few steps forward before I turned her back. "What?" I croaked. Getting angry over the ridiculous length she was willing to take me, I looked her straight in the eyes and demanded, "What do you mean he didn't kill my parents. He told me he did at the hospital," I looked at my watch realizing for the first time it was July fourth, the day of the accident, "Exactly twelve-years-ago, so don't stand there and try to convince me he didn't."

"He didn't do it," she declared again. "Can you stop being pigheaded for one moment and give me a minute to explain? I have to tell you. I know everyone wants me to keep quiet, but I can't anymore. Not to you."

Not one to be held in the dark, I replied, "You have exactly sixty seconds."

"Okay...well, can you come down here, so I can talk to your face instead of Sunny's ass?"

"Your time has already begun," I informed her.

"Fine, have it your way, brat," she replied before she stuck her tongue out at me. "The day of the accident, Avery's dad, Freddie, was at The Barn drinking and Rose took away his keys. She called Avery to come pick him up, so he rode there on his bicycle. While he was inside paying the tab, or whatever, Freddie got behind the wheel and took off. Avery chased him down, but was too late. The crash had already happened, and Avery didn't know what to do. Feeling distraught over seeing both your parent's dead, he took the blame, said he was driving."

My mouth dropped open in shock.

"He went to juvenile detention, just as you heard, but the part you've never heard, I guess, is how his father, Freddie, was in a coma for two years. When he woke, he found out what Avery had done and told the police the true story. It took about a month for the story to be collaborated with the evidence, but when it was, Avery was released."

"You're making this up," I spat.

"No," she protested.

"Repeat it."

Clare rolled her eyes, "Oh my goodness, Ash. Has anyone ever told you how bossy you are?" I didn't answer. Instead, I stared her down with my lips pressed. "Fine...fine, if it'll make you happy."

She repeated the story verbatim.

"No one wanted you to know. I guess because you'd moved forward, they didn't want to bring up the past and have you slip back into depression. But... They were wrong, Ash. I wanted to tell you that first afternoon we caught up with each other, but... Frank and Blacko told me not to. You were happy. They didn't think you would run into Avery while you were here, and they never thought you'd think about sticking around after you fixed the ranch problems.

"I don't understand. If this outrageous story is true, why didn't Avery tell me himself? I mean, he's had ample opportunity to do so?"

"I think he tried once, but you wouldn't let him talk, something about a shotgun aimed at his head and then his nether regions," she chuckled for the first time since the conversation had begun. "I ran into Avery at the hardware store two days after you left town and he told me all of it. Listen, Ash. If you want to find out if I'm telling the truth, go to the library and look up the August newspaper for 2004. It's all in there; the release, Freddie's death, the entire story is there."

Sunny, becoming agitated at the notion of not yet running, turned a circle. "I will. But, first... I have to turn this horse out or she's going to buck me off," I nodded at Clare as my eyes filled with fresh tears and yelled _Yah!_ Sunny turned and took off without being told twice.

We ran for a good half hour before I brought her around the South side of the lake. I saw the carved benches and canopy and hopped off giving Sunny a rest. After tying her to one of the posts, with enough slack allowing her access to fresh water, I stepped on the dock. I ran a hand on the back of a bench. The carvings, laid in the seat-back, were of wild horses running across an open pasture. There were roses embedded throughout the design. They were beautiful. The intricate details of the horses' manes flying in the wind and the landscape surrounding them was breathtaking. I felt as if I could hear the thundering hooves running through the pasture as I watched the carvings run wild before me. I sat on a bench, facing the rippling water.

Was what Clare said true? And, if so, did it change anything?

I closed my eyes and listened. Sunny was munching grass; the water lapped the dock; and, in the far-off distance, I heard a cow call out to her calf.

Why would my family keep this secret from me? Was it true they worried about me being suicidal?

After my parents' death and moving to California, I'd had a bout where I cut myself. Never deep enough to do any real damage, but enough to bleed and feel something; physically. The emotional pain had me so beyond numb, I needed physical pain to feel alive. One evening, after an emotional roller coaster of a day, Jenna found me in my room passed out and bleeding. Apparently, I'd cut my wrist deep enough that I had passed out, missing dinner. She called to me, but I never came down. When she came looking for me, she found me crashed on my desk and bleeding. The ambulance was called, and I stayed in the hospital for a few days while everything was sorted out. They put me on medicine and I started seeing a therapist.

_Yes, I bet they would've been worried I'd hurt myself again._ I decided I owed it to myself to check the story out. A fish flew out of the water and plopped back in about twenty feet from where I sat. The sudden movement caused me to jump out of my seat. When I came down, I noticed another carving on the front of the bench.

It read: _In Loving Memory of Francis Bracken. My mother._ I read the front of the other bench. _In Loving Memory of Tobias Bracken, the III. My father_.

I read the scroll work once more and then ran a hand over the bench carving. The craftsmanship was excellent, most likely they were made by a professional wood craftsman. A random thought of Rose at The Barn entered my head. She'd said a professional builder did the work on The Barn. _Stick around; he also plays a mean guitar._

My fingers went to my lips; they burned as if I could feel the lingering kiss. _Avery. Avery was the builder and the guitarist. He was playing at the cemetery, it had to be him. He was the one who built this memorial; who else would've built it?_

I stood, hopped off the dock, untied Sunny, and mounted in less than thirty seconds.

"Yah!" I yelled as I swatted her flank. We rode back to the barn, finding Frank there to meet us. I slid off my horse as Frank nodded.

"I was thinking I was down a horse," he greeted.

"I needed time and a friend," I replied, "Frank, can I ask you a couple of questions?"

"I suppose so. Not that I'll have the answers though."

"If I'm thinking right, you will," I began as I started stripping Sunny's saddle. I breathed deeply, "Did Avery's father kill my parents? Or, is Avery responsible?"

He dropped the brush he was fishing out of the bin and met my eyes, speechless.

Question answered.

"Okay... What Clare said is true...why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Ashlee," he stammered, "You have to understand...we wanted to...but, didn't know how you'd take it. It was discussed when old Freddie let it be known Avery had plead guilty to a crime he didn't commit. It was a unanimous no. You'd been in the hospital the year before; it was a dark time for you and we couldn't see you slip back there. Then, when you came back here, Lannie and Clare thought we should tell you, but Toby said no. You had Eli to think about and what if you slipped away from us? What would Eli do without his mother? He'd already lost his father."

I put the saddle away and then the horse blanket. Frank handed me the brush he recovered from the bin. I started on her mane and worked my way down her long, lean body.

"I'm a big girl, Frank. I think it's time to stop letting Toby make decisions for me. I really wish I would've known this information for the past few weeks. I don't know how it would've change my feelings about Avery, but at least I wouldn't have yelled _you murdered my parents_ at him every chance I had. But, I'll be letting Toby know it was my decision to make, not his. I'm twenty-six-years-old for Pete's sake!"

I put the brush away and checked Sunny's hooves. They appeared clean, and decent. I grabbed a couple of apples from the bin and treated her.

I turned back to Frank, "What do I do now?"

He laughed, "Well, Ashlee, I believe you said you're a big girl, I think it's time for you to figure it out, isn't it?"

Laughing back at him, I leaned forward on my toes and kissed his cheek, "Thank you, Frank."

I left the barn for the house. Walking in the back door, I found Toby, Jenna, Clare, and Eli, sitting around the table. No longer upset about the cemetery incident, I gave Toby and Jenna a cold stare before glancing at Clare. The only person I was not upset with, was Eli.

"Everyone," I greeted before washing my hands and turning my focus on Eli. "Bud? Could you go see the kittens and give your Uncle Toby, Aunt Jenna, Clare and I a moment of privacy? We have adult things to discuss."

He hopped up, hugging me on his way out.

"Ashlee, hear me out—" Toby began.

"—don't even," I cut in. "It is my understanding that you two," I pointed between Jenna and Toby, "...have kept some truth from me for the past ten years. I understand your reasoning," I put my hand up to stop them as both had begun speaking their own defenses, "and... It's not that you didn't have the best intentions, but I think you should've thought a little more of me and my growth. Yes, you probably did the right thing when Avery was first released, but... When I came here, four weeks ago, was that not the prime time to explain to me and let me make decisions for myself?"

Jenna and Clare both nodded.

Toby arose from his seat, walking around the table to where I stood with my arms crossed over my chest. He engulfed me in his arms.

"Ash, I'm sorry. It's hard for me to think of you any other way than when you came to live with me. You were a total mess, and I only have thoughts of protecting you. I know it's not a good excuse, but I was worried about Eli losing you if you had to deal with this whole mess again. And... Look at you last week after running into Avery. You were a disaster. Such a mess that your child hitch-hiked his way back here."

I glared at him, "Watch it, Buddy."

"Okay, okay. I see now it wasn't a good idea, keeping the information from you, as you found out anyway," he stepped back, holding my stare. "Can you forgive me? Us?" he pleaded as he waved his hand at the two ladies sitting at the table.

I met each of their eyes and nodded before Toby hugged me hard again. Wiping tears from my wet cheeks, I replied, "Like I could ever stay mad at you three. You're all the family I have, well, you guys and Eli."

"And, Sarah, Rebekah, Frank, and Lannie," Jenna added.

"Don't forget Blacko and Sam," Claire chimed in, "Oh! Or, the extremely delicious Ryan."

"Oh yes," I assured, "The ever gorgeous, but lacking in chemistry, Ryan."

"Am I missing something?" Toby puzzled. He glanced at his wife, who shrugged her shoulders. "Wait, are we talking Ryan, the cattle manager?"

"Yes. That would be the intensely, delectable Ryan," I giggled. "Who, by the way, I need to speak to about the sale of the land; with less land to run cattle on, he's going to need to procure the sale of sixty head. Anyway, he's the one I told you about when I returned to California, remember? Polite, gorgeous, and looks great in a pair of jeans, but... there is absolutely no chemistry between us. Believe me, we tried. Nothing. Nada. Zip."

Eli burst in the back door causing our attention to change, "Mom! Mom! Can we buy fireworks? Did you know it's the fourth of July? Can we...can we, please?" he seemed to be shouting all the while he was pleading; his hands clasped in prayer in front of his little face.

I'd forgotten about fireworks. In California, I'd never felt like celebrating Independence Day, since... it was the day of my parents' death. But, with Eli getting older, and wanting to blow things up, I was beginning to feel different about it.

Toby glanced at me and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Why not, Bud," I approved before turning to Clare, "So... Clare Bear, where does one go to purchase fire crackers in Southwind nowadays?"

"Boy are you going to like what I have to tell you guys. About ten years ago, they started a huge celebration downtown on Main Street. It begins at five o'clock with a parade. Then, there's barbecue and music in the park. It ends with a huge firework display over the lake. The fireworks start about nine-thirty... Or, whenever it's dark enough. And, you can see them from Main Street, but a lot of people go out to the lake and watch them over the water. If you want to shoot off your own, smaller fireworks, you can buy them downtown from a vendor. The police section off a parking lot and let the kids take turns shooting them off safely. Lots of kids enjoy it and the police are nearby if something goes wrong. Blacko will be there supervising."

"Perfect!" I turned my attention back on Eli, "Does that sound okay?"

"Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" he hollered. "I can't wait for the parade and to shoot my own firecrackers off."

"I'll be keeping a close eye on you, Little Man," Toby said, as he pulled Eli's arm back in a chicken wing, teasing him. "No setting the town on fire."

"I won't set the town on fire, but maybe a car or two," he teased back.

I turned to Clare, "Will you be going too? I mean, Blacko is already there, so... Will you be out or staying in with Sam?"

"Well, I wasn't going to take Sam, but I bet my parents will keep her while I go for a little while."

"It's a date then...let's see, it's four o'clock now. We'd better get cleaned up and head downtown. Clare, we'll meet you there!" I called out as I headed for the stairs and a shower.

While showering, I thought of what needed to be done and who I needed to have a talk with. _He can wait a little longer._ I wanted to make things right; hoping I wouldn't make things worse in the process. Plus, I wasn't entirely sure how I was feeling about him, or the situation. _Time alone, after the celebration, will help me process the situation fully._

I hadn't brought much clothing with me for the unexpected trip, but I still had the red dress I wore to Sam's baby naming ceremony, hanging in the closet. It was a halter top dress flaring at the waist into a fun, full skirt. It tied behind my back and really showed off my shoulders and waist line. I combed through my golden hair and stood before the mirror hanging on the bedroom door. If I gazed long enough, I could see my father. It was his green eyes staring back at me.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," I whispered, "I don't know why I feel guilty about this, but... I do, and... I'm sorry. Think of it as a celebration of your life. And, Mama's too." I grabbed my sandals from my suitcase and went downstairs. Eli, Toby, and Jenna were ready to go.

The parade was great. Short, but fun. The fire and police departments led the way, followed by the high school and middle school bands. There were a few businesses with floats as well as a Miss Firecracker in an old T-top Camaro followed by her attendants in like-cars. The end of the parade consisted of most of the local kids riding their bicycles decked out in red, white, and blue crepe paper and pin wheels. It was wonderful, and Eli was all eyes when he saw the kids ride by.

He tugged my skirt, "Next year I'm going to ride in the parade."

I smiled at him; my little man was making plans to stay in Southwind...again. _Inhale. Exhale. Just breathe, Ashlee._

After the parade, we ate the best barbecue I'd eaten in years, along with roasted corn on the cob, and fried pickles. Again, Eli was in celebration heaven. We wandered around Main Street, stopping at each vendor, and glancing over the homemade merchandise. At the last booth, I bought twenty dollars' worth of fire crackers. We walked to the partitioned off area in the Southwind State Bank parking lot. Eli and Toby worked together, setting their explosives off. They lit black cats, smoke bombs, snakes, slow moving turtles, and even an army tank.

Eli turned to me, "Mom, this one is for you. It's called flowering garden, so watch, okay?"

"Got it, Bud, I'm all eyes," I replied as he ran out and met Toby with my flowering garden. Toby handed Eli the punk after he set the cone shaped firework on the pavement; my son bent at the waist, lighting the fuse. They ran back to us girls when they saw the first spark.

It started out slow, spitting sparks straight up, out of the cone, but... Once it picked up speed, it was a steady stream of brightly colored sparks flowering upward.

"Wow!" I whispered in my sons' ear as he sat on my lap, "It really _is_ a flowering garden. It's beautiful. Thank you, Bud. I love you."

"I love you too, Mom. I hope this makes the day better for you."

My eyes filled, "It does, Eli. More than ever, it does."

After the boys burned through their explosives, we walked around attempting to find the perfect spot to watch the firework show. Clare had to leave, she was watching the show from her parents' place. She invited me along, but I pleaded sleepy and asked for a rain-check. After all, I was still tired from the long drive from California. Eli wanted to stay with Toby and Jenna; I wanted to go back to the ranch, so... I let him stay with them. I got in the Jeep with a heavy heart but a smile on my face.

### Chapter 26 ~ Ashlee

Back at the ranch, I sat on the front porch thinking of my parent's and what Avery had done _. Why would he do such a thing? What did he have to gain from it?_ Nothing, that I could think of.

The first boom went off and I jumped. After the initial shock, I stood and walked around the backside of the house to watch. Another boom, and a crackle, and I decided I needed a better view. _The benches. The view will be incredible sitting on the dock._ I climbed on the Gator and drove through the pasture around the lake. As I pulled up, cutting the engine, I realized I wasn't the only person with the idea. I knew it could only be one person. Avery.

His back was to me as I stepped onto the dock. I knew he knew I was there; a person couldn't miss the engine of the Gator. He hung his head, resting his elbows on his knees, while he sat.

"I suppose you're going to tell me to get out of here, as well."

I stopped short of the opposite bench. "No," I replied as I sat down, keeping my gaze out at the lake.

"No?" he questioned as he swung his head up looking at me for the first time. "Well, there's some relief, I was running out of places I was allowed to be."

I sat on my mother's bench, not knowing what to say, or do. A big boom went off in the distance and I jumped. I saw him turn his attention toward the water and night sky through my peripheral. _I could do this, couldn't I?_ I shrugged my shoulders in answer to my question, it didn't really matter if I could, or not, I had to know.

I cleared my throat and dared, "Avery?"

He turned toward me, giving me his attention.

"Why did you do it?" I inquired.

"Well, that was fast," he shook his head, "I thought Jacob said it would be a week, at least. Where do I start, Ash? I owe it to your family? I had the money to spend? I felt guilty? I wanted to? Pick one, any one; I think they all fit the question you're asking."

I was dumbfounded. _What was he talking about?_ I tilted my head quizzically at him. He noticed my confusion and opened his mouth to speak but I began first, "Who is Jacob?"

"Who is Jacob?" he repeated the question, "You know, Jacob...from Wichita? The lawyer?"

"Lawyer?" I echoed, "Oh, you're talking about Mr. Shields, the lawyer from Wichita." It dawned on me who Jacob must be, but then I was left even more confused, "But, what does he have to do with the accident?"

"The accident?" he asked as he stood and walked toward the railing at the edge of the dock.

"Yes, the accident," I repeated, "What does he have to do with the accident? Was he your lawyer for the trial?"

He turned sharply, "The trial? What are you talking about? There wasn't a trial. I pleaded guilty and went straight into the system. Do not pass go, do not collect two-hundred dollars, and all of that stuff."

I was hurt by his tone, but pulled myself together and stood. I walked toward him; watching him, watching me, as I neared.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Avery. I'm just trying to wrap my head around why you told the police you killed my parents, when you didn't do it."

He searched my face as I was within a few feet of him. "I..." he began, but stopped himself, "Someone told you, huh?"

"Clare spilled the beans," I admitted. "I'm sorry..." I glanced out at the water, I couldn't look at him while apologizing, there was too much between us, "I'm sorry I called you a murderer, like, a thousand times."

"It's okay, I deserved it."

"What would cause you to say something like that?" I demanded, "And, why would you take the blame if your father was the one drinking and driving?"

"You wouldn't understand it if I told you, the investigators never understood when they released me after my father woke up and confessed," he confided, before adding, "And, Ashlee, I... I... I _am_ responsible. It's my fault and that can never be changed, so leave it at that and go back to yelling and hating me."

"How could it be your fault if you weren't even there when it happened?" I implored while he held my stare. I folded my hands over my chest and stood my ground, "Please, make me understand."

"Make you understand?" he murmured as he turned away from me and back to the view of the water, "Yeah, right."

I stepped next to him and gently touched his arm. His attention was mine. He turned, facing me.

"Yes," I said sternly, "Make me understand. Please, Avery. I need to know the entire story. I deserve to know, don't I?"

He held my stare once again, before shaking his head and exhaling, "All right, you want the truth, Ash?" he inquired, and I nodded, "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you it would be too much."

"I won't."

He took my hand and pulled me to the bench he'd sat on before, my father's bench. We sat next to each other as he watched the water.

"It was dark out. The rain coming down was frigid. Do you remember? It shouldn't have been cold. It was July, in Kansas, it shouldn't have been cold. But, it was. I was peddling my bike as fast as I could, not sure if it was going to matter or not." he relayed, before slipping into the memory.

### Chapter 27 ~ Avery

******

_This shouldn't be happening_ , he thought. He should be at the lake, camping out with his friends, holding hands with his girlfriend, telling ghost stories, and lighting off fireworks. But no, he was stuck being the adult in the father-son relationship. When tonight was over, his pops was going to hear it from him and things were going to change.

He couldn't believe this. He'd been trying to take his pops home. His pops had been drinking, again. Like the last time, and the time before, Rose called him from The Barn Bar and Grille.

"Avery, Honey, I'm gonna need you to come down here and get your Pops. He's causing a ruckus, and getting some of the locals' panties in a bunch. No, I know he doesn't mean any harm, but even so hon, he's gotta go."

"I understand, Ms. Rose, I'll be there in a few minutes," he hung up and ran his hands through his wavy mop of golden hair. _What was he going to do with his pops?_ Ever since his mom left it had been rough, but they got by. He thought his pops was getting better at being sober, but then guessed he was only getting better at hiding it from him. After all, it'd been a few months since Rose had called him. He grabbed his bike from the front porch and sped down the hill for The Barn. When he arrived, he found his pops outside on the curb.

"Hey, Pop," he greeted, wondering how bad off he was. "Let's get you home."

"Just leave me be, Son. I ain't goin' nowhere. Damn Rose kicked me out for no good reason. Big deal; I disagree with a couple guys in there 'bout the land I sold being turned into a strip mall. So, I got a little mad and yelled at them no good yellow-bellied city boys turning my land into a mall. It ain't happening, I'm telling ya now, boy. Ain't no land around here need to be no girly shopping center."

"C'mon, Pop. Don't fight me on this, get into the truck; let's go," Avery got him to stand and put one foot in front of the other, but his father had at least 60 pounds on him, and was doing everything in his power to stop him from helping.

Rose stepped outside the bar door and handed Avery the keys. "Looks like you need some help there, Avery. Here, let me, I've done my fair share of helping grown drunken men into vehicles in my day," she met his eyes underneath his fathers' arm and nodded. "Now, there's nothing to be ashamed about. Your pop isn't the first old man I've kicked out, and he won't be the last, I'm sure," she chuckled. "But, hopefully, he can go a few months before the next time you're needed to pick him up."

"Yes, Ma'am," he acknowledged, "We can hope, right?"

After his pops was in the passenger side, Avery walked around and hopped in to drive. He wasn't old enough to drive legally, but... The alternative wasn't something he, or Rose, would allow. He put the key in the ignition the same time Rose asked if his pops had money on him to pay his tab.

"How much?" he asked.

"Twenty-six-fifty; but, if he doesn't have it, he can bring it by tomorrow when he sobers up."

"No, Ms. Rose, I've got it here. I don't want him to have a reason to stop in here for a while," he replied as he got out of the truck with his pops wallet in hand, and seeing his bike still on the curb, he added, "I have to throw my bike in the bed of the truck anyway. I'll come in and pay first."

He followed Rose inside and handed her all the cash his pops had in his wallet. When she saw he gave her forty dollars instead of what was owed, she started to disagree.

Avery put his hand up in protest, "It's the least I could do for all your trouble."

The older woman smiled, "You're a good kid, Avery."

"Thank you, Ma'am, I try," he nodded. In the same moment, the unmistakable roar of an engine came to life.

Both he and Rose bolted for the door and were horrified to find Freddie peeling out of the parking lot before they could stop him. Avery hopped on his bike, not sure how he expected to catch him, but he couldn't think of anything else.

He heard the crash before cresting the hill. His first glimpse of the downside confirmed his worst fears. He jumped from his bike and ran the rest of the way down the hill, screaming for his father all the way to the overturned truck.

The indubitable odor of fuel filled the air around him and he knew he didn't have much time before the truck could burst into flames. He found his father and dragged him to the ditch on the opposite side of the street. That's when he noticed the other car. He'd thought his pops had flipped his truck in a solo accident, but it turned out he hit another car head-on. It lay on its side in the ditch.

He ran to the side and tried to pry at the door. It wouldn't budge, but the back window was busted, so he pushed the remaining glass through and climbed into the car. He yelled for the people in the car to stay calm, help was on the way, but he didn't get any response from either of them. He made it through to the passenger seat and moved the lady's hair from her face. Horror struck him.

It was Mrs. Bracken. He looked in the driver's seat. Again, horror set in. Mr. Bracken.

"Wake up! Wake up, Mrs. Bracken!" he yelled as he shook her lifeless body. No response.

He calmed himself and thought of emergency services. He'd studied a life-saving chapter in Health class only months before. _What was he supposed to do? Pulses, check for a pulse._ He put his fingers to Mrs. Bracken's neck. Nothing. He tried Mr. Bracken. Again, nothing. _How could this be happening?_ He couldn't get them out of the car and was sure they were both gone. He wanted to cry, but he needed to focus. _What was he supposed to do?_ His pops lay in the ditch, drunk, possibly dying, and his girlfriends' parents were trapped inside their car, dead.

He kept thinking about how if he didn't leave the keys in the ignition while he paid his pops tab, none of this would be happening _. It was his fault. Two good people were dead because of his actions. What could he do?_ He crawled back out of the vehicle.

"What do I do?" he whimpered. Sirens were beginning to wail in the distance. He pleaded, "Please God, tell me what to do!"

He ran both hands over his face, thinking hard. There was only one thing he could do. Someone had to take responsibility for the accident. However, it didn't appear his pops was going to live. The truck was still running, but fuel was no longer leaking everywhere, so... He ran to the truck, reached behind the driver's side seat, and grabbed the secret flask he knew would be there.

"Please, let there be some left. Yes! It's half full," he shouted out loud. He unscrewed the cap and took a deep breath. "It's now or never. The sirens are getting closer," he said a quick prayer and took a big swig. "Disgusting," he choked. "How do people drink this stuff?"

He took another drink. And, another. And, another. He drank the last drop as the first squad car and rescue truck arrived.

_Wow! Was he feeling it already?_ His throat burned; his head spun. He went back to his dad's side, knelt next to him and held his hand. He began crying. _What was going to happen now? Did he just make the worst decision of his life?_ He was washed in guilt.

Two officers rushed to his side.

"Son! Son! Are you okay? What happened?"

An EMT checked for his pop's pulse. "It's weak, but he has one!" he yelled back to the other one getting the stretcher. "Let's get him out of here and to the hospital."

Another EMT entered the Bracken's car through the back window as Avery had, moments before. He watched under his wavy mop of hair as the man emerged, face ashen.

"They're gone." the EMT croaked.

An officer looked over at Avery, "Son, what happened here? If you know something, you need to tell us."

An EMT walked toward Avery, "Are you hurt anywhere?" he asked as he began checking his body. First his right arm, then his left; he checked his head and torso. He stopped suddenly, meeting Avery's eyes, clicking his flashlight across them quickly.

"I smell whiskey. Are you drunk, Son?"

Avery wasn't about to answer. He only wanted to be quiet and let the officers do their job.

Suddenly, he didn't feel so good. He turned toward the ditch and vomited. _Man, if whiskey burnt going down, it was like hot lava coming back up_ , he thought. He looked up at the officer in shock before all the lights went out.

******

"When I came to, they were carrying me inside the hospital. They took my blood and checked all my vitals and then set me up in a room to wait for whatever happened next," he relayed. "There was this officer there. Officer Needles, he's the police chief here now, but back then he was only an officer, anyway he came into my room and started asking questions."

He slipped back into the memory.

******

"Why?" Officer Needles asked.

No answer.

"I don't understand it, Kid. Your father is fighting for his life in the emergency room, another couple of people are dead, and you want me to believe you were drinking and driving. Well, the tests confirm that you've been drinking, just not when. But, you don't even have a scratch on your body."

He sat completely still.

"Listen, Boy, you're facing some serious charges here unless you can let me in on the facts of the matter."

Suddenly, the door opened. It was Ashlee; his time to pay the Pied Piper.

"Avery! Avery! Are you okay? What happened? Clare said you've been in an accident and the EMS brought you here. I heard your dad is pretty bad off and is in surgery. Is it true?"

He turned to face her with wet eyes and replied hoarsely, "I'm sorry, Ash. I didn't mean for it to happen. I hope you forgive me, but if you can't, I don't blame you," she took a step forward and looked into his eyes as he continued, "I'm an awful person. I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you," his hands went to his face and he sobbed.

"What are you sorry for? I don't understand," she turned to the officer and asked, "What is going on? Why is he sorry?"

"I'm not sure, those are the first words he's spoken, so... If, you can get him to tell you more, you're doing a better investigating job than me," Needles replied.

The door opened again. This time it was the nurse, "Oh, there you are, Miss Ashlee. I thought I saw you come into this room," she paused for a long moment as she took in the scene, "Do you know Avery Harrison?"

Ashlee didn't turn away from him, "Yes, yes I know Avery. He's my boyfriend and our families have been friends for as long as I can remember. Why?"

The nurse faltered, "Oh, well... Oh my... Well, why don't you step out here with me for a moment. I need to talk to you about something."

Ashlee protested, "No. I really want to stay with Avery. He needs me right now; he's in shock. I don't think I should leave him."

He removed his face from his hands, "You really should go with the nurse, Ash; you're going to want to hear what she has to say."

She stared at his face, "What? Why?" she asked, confused. Turning to the nurse, she pleaded, "Why do you need me? It's Avery that needs someone right now. I can't leave him."

"I wouldn't ask for you, Ashlee, if it wasn't important," the nurse nodded at the officer, "Officer Needles will watch him for you. He'll be fine, I promise."

"Yes, he'll be fine, I'll guard him for you," Needles acknowledged.

She reluctantly left the room, but not before turning back to him, "I'll be right back, Ave, okay? We can talk when I get back. Let me go take care of whatever it is Ms. Kline wants me to, and I'll be back."

He couldn't watch her go, he knew he lost her forever.

******

"After you left the room, I told Officer Needles I was guilty and to arrest me. I didn't want a lawyer, or family, to consult with. I would serve juvenile time for vehicular manslaughter. I was lucky, I'd be released when I was eighteen. But you, Ashlee, you would go the rest of your life an orphan. You see, I was getting the better deal. I was responsible for my pops being behind the wheel. It was my fault. I had to pay the only way I could."

### Chapter 28 ~ Ashlee

Tears streamed down my face. I couldn't speak at all _. How could I? After how he told me he confessed to a crime he didn't commit over guilt?_ I wiped at my cheeks before turning.

"It was never your fault. You can't be responsible for what your father chose to do. Does it suck? Yes. But, it doesn't make it your fault. My God, I can't believe everyone let me think it was. I treated you so badly. I feel awful yelling at you the way I did. Talk about making someone relive their past. I'm sorry, Avery. I can't possibly fix how I made you feel."

"Don't beat yourself up too badly. Even if I didn't take the fall, our lives were over."

I met his eyes and saw disappointment, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on, Ash," he protested as he stood. "Can you honestly sit there and tell me, after the dust settled on your parent's deaths, and my father being in a coma, that you could look at me the same way? I had a choice and I chose the right thing. I was responsible. Someone had to pay. Why not me? Things would've never been the same between us. I would become the son of the man who killed your parent's. That's not something I could be. I didn't want your pity then, and... I sure as hell don't want it now," he chided, leaning against the railing again.

I sat motionless. _What would it have been like between us? Was Avery correct in assuming we'd never be the same?_ I thought about him being the son of the man who killed my parents and disagreed. Shaking my head, I pushed off the bench and crossed to him.

"You'd rather be the boy who killed my parents than the son of the man?"

"At least... I'd be locked up and you could get on with your life, not having to worry about being around me," he turned, facing me. "Ashlee, you lost both your parents, I'm not going to pretend I know what that feels like even now, at twenty-six, but at fourteen, I can't imagine how bad it must've been."

"And, you lost both of yours too," I replied softly, "With your father in a coma, and your mother absent, you were an orphan as well."

He met my eyes for a long moment, "It's different, Ash. First, I already had my mother coming and going for years, I was used to being without her. And, my father, well...he was an alcoholic, he wasn't always there for me. At least, with me locked away, you could get on with your life. You could mend. I'm sure it was rough enough without me there, reminding you."

I reached up and carefully touched his cheek. He froze. "Let me enlighten you on what your choice did to me. Not only did I lose my parents that day, I also lost you, my best friend. I lost my home. I lost Clare. I lost my horses. I lost everything, Avery. When I went to live with Toby and Jenna, I became a recluse. I went to school and home, that was it. And... And, most of the time, I didn't go to school. I skipped. Until Jenna found out, then I was made to go," I held out my arms, wrists facing up, "I was numb. So numb, I cut myself; hoping, through the physical pain, I'd feel again. Yes, it was partly because of my parents, but also because I lost you," I stopped for a moment before continuing, "Now, I know we don't know what would've happened, but I sure wish we would've been given that choice, don't you?"

"I would've become a ward of the state, and you still would've hated me," he maintained. "Look, I'm sorry it was horrible for you, I believe you when you say it was. I hoped it wasn't. Every night, in Juvie, I prayed you were happy, wherever you were; I prayed you found someone new to laugh with. I prayed you found a better man than me. I never asked Frank, or Lannie, about you when I was released. I went straight to my father in the nursing home and told him I was upset with him for telling the truth. He was going to be tried for the murders. He was old, and frail. I was angry. I told him as much. I never forgave him for waking up from the coma and coming clean."

He dropped his head in his palms and cried softly.

I wrapped both my arms around his waist and leaned my forehead into his shoulder, "It's all right. I'm sure he knew you were angry at the time, but... Over time, he probably knew it was better for you, being out of Juvie."

He lifted his hands from his face. Holding my eyes with his, he replied, "No, he never knew I would forgive him. The nurses found him dead the next day. He stole a bottle of pills off the nurses' cart and took the entire bottle that night. I never spoke with him again."

I stepped back, "What?"

"Yes. He killed himself. He was awake from the coma for a month and four days before he took his life."

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Avery," I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"There's my messed-up life in a nutshell," he murmured. "Looks like I'm a real winner here, huh?"

I released my arms from his waist and turned, pacing the dock. He remained at the railing, watching the lake collide with the floating wood. _Was this something we could get past? My parents? His father? Both our lives the last twelve years?_ My hand rested on the back of my mothers' bench. I glanced at the opposite bench and my heart filled. _We could. I knew, right then and there, our parents would've wanted us to try. The dreams from California flooded back to me. In them, my mother and father continued to tell me how Avery saved me. How he was always there for me. How he would never leave. He loved me._

"That's not entirely true, Ave," I used his nickname for the first time as an adult. I pointed at the benches behind him, "Look at these beautiful pieces of art. They're completely gorgeous. And... You can sing. I heard you at the cemetery and know you were singing at The Barn. You have a construction and wood working business that seems to be doing quite well, if I've heard right."

He met my eyes and half smiled, "It's true, the business life is well. However, for the large projects, I need a shop near Southwind or I need to move into Wichita where I use an old airplane hangar as my warehouse. I can't continue the way I am going; the drive to and from is killing my work time.

"Well...the Bracken Ranch is five-hundred-acres smaller as of today," I revealed as I sat down on a bench. I put my arms along the back and relaxed; my comfort level increased as our secrets fell into the open.

"I know. I'm sorry you had to sell," he replied as he sat next to me.

"Yeah, me too," I confided as I lay my head back on the bench. "I wish I could've figured out a way to keep the land and not let my emotions get the best of me by impulse selling."

"What do you mean, impulse selling?"

"I never meant to sell the land. Mr. Shields and I had a plan to lease out the land and sell half the cattle. When I ran into you that night," I waved my hand in the air, "The night I was so embarrassingly drunk, sorry about that by the way; I was so upset the next day... I bolted town as soon as I could and told Mr. Shields to sell. I didn't care what happened with my great-grandfather's land as long as I didn't have to stay here and deal with it. Or... See you," I added quietly on an exhale.

"Ash," he said calmly, "I have another confession to make."

My eyes went to his face as I tried reading him; I saw nothing warning me of what he was going to say, "Yes?"

"The land you sold?" he questioned while searching my face. I nodded for him to continue and he exhaled audibly, "I was the buyer."

"What? How did I not know this?"

"I told Jacob, err...you know him as Mr. Shields, not to tell, however I think your brother might already know. You see, Jacob is a good friend of mine and when he let me know it was for sale, I decided I wanted to buy it. I needed the land for my business," he added as he watched me, cautiously.

I sat quietly on the bench, thinking.

"Say something," he urged.

I shook my head slowly back and forth, "Well... I guess, if I had to sell, I'm happy it went to you. At least it went to someone who will take care of it and has good use for it. Wait. You don't have plans to bring in some out of country illegal farmers, do you?"

"Out-of-country illegal farmers? Uh... No, I don't even know where to find any. You and your brother are alike in so many ways," he added under his breath.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, just a little something you both said...to tell you the truth, I wasn't going to buy it, but when you bolted town, as you put it, I felt the guilt all over again; I came up with a plan to buy the land and have it deeded back to you and Toby."

"You what?" I shrieked as my head shot up, our eyes meeting. "Deeded it back to my brother and me, but how? And, are you telling me you had three quarters of a million dollars to blow on land you weren't going to end up owning?"

"Actually, I did. And, as for deeding it back to you and Toby, it was simple, Jacob had you sign the papers and you didn't even realize you were signing more than you needed for the sale. It was only two extra signature boxes each," he took my hands in his and rubbed my knuckles. "I owed it to your family, Ash."

"No," I said bluntly. "Dammit, Avery. You don't owe anything to my family. You need to stop feeling guilty...you're not responsible for what happened to our families." I took his face in both my hands. "Do you hear me Avery Harrison? You. Are. Not. Responsible."

He held my stare but said nothing.

I dropped my hands, "Got it?"

"I heard you, Ash. But, I don't know that I'll ever really get it."

"Well, you better get it," I said sternly. "And, I can't accept the land back. It's rightfully yours."

He laughed, "Well, too bad for you because it's not mine, it's yours. It was only mine for approximately five seconds between signatures. Except, you and Toby really are leasing it out to me. Only twenty acres though."

"No!" I stomped my foot on the dock, "You can't just go around paying other people's debts." I waved my hand in the air, "Or...buying their land and giving it back to them without their knowledge. Which, if I knew anything about law, I'd be willing to bet what you did wasn't legal."

"Not illegal one bit," he mimicked my stomp. "And, yes... I can... And, I did. End. Of. Story. Ash. Understand?"

I sat back and pouted. After a few minutes I sat up and countered, "Fine, but I'll be going back to your good friend, and co-conspirator, and making you the property manager, as-well-as the builder of the property, so you may build your shop on the land... and," I put my hand up to halt him from speaking, "there will be no rent paid on the lease. It will be free use for lifetime."

"Ash..." he began then flinched when I backhanded his chest, "Ouch. What was that for?"

"You deserve it for sneaking around behind my back, pulling one over on us. I can't imagine what Toby is going to say about this. He's sure to be pissed; out of everything in this world, he doesn't do freebies."

"Noted. I'm hoping, since we are on speaking terms, versus yelling, you'll let him know for me after he's back in California."

"That's the way I would go," I agreed. "And, I doubt he knows the land is ours again. At least, if he does, he didn't say anything to me about it."

"So... Now that _we are_ on speaking terms, was signing the papers what brought you back?"

"Actually, no," I answered quietly. "My son brought me back." I sat up and watched him, checking his reaction to this news. "I have an eight-year-old son."

"Oh yeah, Eli, I know," he responded evenly.

"You know?"

"Yeah, we met at the tire swing. Good kid, even if he is a run-away," he teased, gently chucking me in the ribs.

I took the ribbing and stared cautiously at this man who I knew as a boy. He was something else, that was for sure. He caught my stare and I turned away, looking toward the water.

"Can I ask you a question, Ash?"

"I guess," I answered, turning back to him.

"Uh...Eli's father? Are you with him? Married?" he quizzed while searching my eyes.

"Why? Are you interested in married women?" I teased.

"No. Absolutely not. I'm not a home wrecker, but I have to warn you, Ash. Like I told you before you left town, I'm not over you. And... I wouldn't have kissed you if I thought you were married."

My cheeks burned red with embarrassment. _Of course, he knew I wasn't married. That kiss wasn't for any woman; it was for one he cared about deeply._ I could still feel the kiss on my lips and touched them while thinking of what I should tell him over Eli's father. _The truth. Always the truth._

I met his eyes with honesty, "Well, it looks to be my turn for story-telling." I exhaled, "After moving to California and getting into the trouble I told you about earlier, Toby and Jenna made me see a therapist. It helped. Of course, I didn't want to go at first, but after a few sessions I looked forward to my time of talking to someone about what consumed me. A couple years into therapy I was doing so well that I didn't really need it anymore.

"However, I needed something to give me the feeling of worth. The summer before my senior year, I began working at the boat yards; scrubbing gunk off boats. It was actually quite funny for me. I'd think about all of the horse stalls I mucked over the years to now scrubbing the sea life from sail boats. It was similar work, except, when I talked to the boats, they didn't stomp, or neigh back, in response.

"All the ridiculously rich people kept their yachts at the boatyard. During summer break, I met a boy whose family owned a boat. Devin was his name. He attended a college in a nearby town and was home for the summer, visiting his parents, before returning for his final year of college. I hadn't given any boys any attention since you. I'd never even kissed anyone. But... I fell head over heels for Devin. Or, at least I thought it was love. He had hair the darkest shade of coal and eyes as blue as steel. He took me out on his parents sail boat and taught me how to turn the sails. It was the first time I felt alive again. We spent two months kissing, and sailing, and holding hands. Devin knew I wasn't experienced with boys and regularly told me it wasn't a problem. He truly enjoyed my company.

"On our last night before he returned to college, he took me out for a sunset sail. It was gorgeous. After the sun went down, and the moon shone brightly overhead, we laid on a blanket watching the stars and sipping wine. I knew then, I wanted to give myself to him. I wasn't sure how he felt about me, but I was tired of feeling completely empty. He was polite. Even tried talking me out of it, but I was sure. Eventually, he gave in. I had no regrets afterward. I read somewhere how the first time can be awful and even hurt, but I was already hurting, and for so long. To me, it felt like I was finally letting go of something and taking back my life.

"Devin was sweet. He knew I was suffering from pain in my life but when he asked, earlier in our summer romance, I told him I couldn't talk about it. However, he knew it was about my parents. He wasn't dumb; I lived with my brother and had no parents. He pulled me close afterward while I sobbed. I cried for my parents, I cried for my life taken from me in Kansas, and I cried for my broken heart as it finally mended. I told him everything. He shared how he was having a rough summer between his parents encouraging him to enroll in law school or choose what he wanted to do, which was teaching. He was actually supposed to be at a meeting discussing his future in the law firm his father owned the day he met me on the docks. I'd intrigued him; he skipped his meeting altogether. He always said my smile saved him from a boring meeting.

"He was sorry he had to return to school and wished he had more time with me. I told him I was fine. What we had was great... But, I wasn't going to make him commit to me then and there, if he had a girlfriend back on campus, I understood. He laughed, telling me how strange I was. Most girls demand they stay true to their man while at school and come home every weekend to see them. I was definitely a different breed and if he didn't get to keep me, somebody was going to be a very lucky man someday.

"We said our goodbyes as he promised me Labor Day weekend. We talked daily for the three weeks he was back at college. He even told me how much he missed me and couldn't believe it but thought he must be going mad because he had never felt about any girl the way he felt about me. _I must be in love, he had said._

"The Friday before Labor Day, he packed his stuff and called me, letting me know he was leaving and should be in Monterey in three hours, all he had to do was return two books to the campus library and he'd be hitting the road. I was going to meet his parents while he was in town. Everything was set.

"Two hours later the news reported a shooting on the college campus where Devin attended. The gunman was a disgruntled student who went on a rampage from the dean's office to the Library. Thirteen students, two professors and the Dean lost their lives. Devin was one of them.

"A week later I found out I was pregnant. Devin died never knowing he'd be a father." I ended the story looking squarely into Avery's eyes.

"Ash, I'm so sorry," he said as he took my hand from my lap and began stroking my knuckles once more.

"I know, right? Every day I asked God how much pain I'd have to endure in my life," I confided.

"I can't imagine, but then again, you have Eli..."

"Yes, I have Eli," I echoed before I told the rest of my story. "After learning to live life, I suddenly found myself numb again. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant for the first five months. Then my sister-in-law, Jenna, accidentally walked into the bathroom while I was getting undressed for a shower and saw my tiny baby bump. She screamed, then covered her mouth. The horror on my face at being caught pregnant in their house was probably enough for her to realize I was embarrassed over my situation. She started bawling, pointing to my little belly and screaming under her covered mouth. I wrapped a towel around myself and went to her, closed the door and pulled her in into my arms.

"I had no emotion over the whole pregnancy thing. I figured my life was always going to be a mess and this was the way things were destined to go. I wasn't even sure I was keeping the baby. I'd already met with three adoption agencies as abortion was definitely out of the question. I was unaffected by the complete mess of it. I was having a dead man's baby. Our child would never know his, or her, father. So... Not knowing the mother wouldn't really be much different, would it?

"Jenna cried. Boy, did she cry. Neither her nor my brother knew about Devin except that he was a local boy who went to the college where a gunman opened fire and he was one of the unlucky people who lost their life.

"I told her everything. She cried because I couldn't. It saddened her how I'd experienced so much pain in my short life, so much pain that I had no feelings over the crisis. She told me she loved me and would do whatever it took to help find the baby adoptive parents, or, I could keep him, or her, and... She and my brother would even go as far as raising the child as their own if I wished. But, I could not quit high school and college was still in the plans.

"I laughed so hard at her I almost had real tears for the first time in months. I told her, _you haven't even told my brother yet, how do you know he'll let you raise this child?_ She replied with a straight face, saying: _Toby doesn't have a choice in the matter. If he won't let me keep the baby, he can go sleep under the highway._

"I cracked a smile. It felt as if I took my first breath since August, knowing everything was going to be all right. The baby would be okay. We both would survive.

"Four months later, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy with hair as dark as coal and steel blue eyes. I named him Eli Devin and decided to keep him. It was four weeks before graduation and I'd asked to take my final exams early before receiving my diploma. The school had no problem with my request as long as I walked in the graduation ceremony. Not many pregnant students went on to graduate high school, the school wanted to show the community, and students, it could be done. So, in June, I walked across the stage and heard my name read along with the National Honor Society awards. My little family cheered from their seats and Jenna held up Eli to see his mama graduate. After many months of not feeling a thing inside, I had tears.

"The following fall, I enrolled in the local junior college and took as many hours as I could. Eli went to daycare, and when I had night classes, Jenna, Toby and my nieces doted on him. They were beyond sad when I packed myself and Eli up and moved to San Francisco, moving into our own place and attending the University of San Francisco. But, I promised to visit every moment I could.

"I graduated from USF two years later with a Bachelor of Science and business degree. I moved back to Monterey to live near my brother's family and landed a job with a local company as an account manager. I enjoyed my job for the next four years, secured an awesome rental house a mile from Toby and Jenna's. Eli and my nieces love each other tremendously. The first of June, my brother received a letter stating our family ranch was going to be auctioned off if we couldn't come up with the tax money owed. Apparently, the ranch accountant, whom my brother hired a few years prior, embezzled funds and hadn't paid the property taxes owed for the past five years.

"My brother couldn't leave because of his work and Eli was begging to go, so here I am, full circle, back in the Mid-West." I ended.

"I don't know what to say, Ash," he spoke. "I'm sorry. Sorry about Eli's father, sorry about the ranch."

I stood but didn't let go of Avery's hand. Instead, I pulled him to his feet and we stood inches apart. I felt his body close to mine as I jumped into the deep end.

"I'm not sorry about any of it anymore, Ave," I said, quietly.

"You're not? Why?"

"Because... It was the long route, and definitely the round-about way, but it brought me back here. And, look...just look, where here is."

"Where exactly is here, Ash?" he croaked.

"Standing on a dock in Southwind, Kansas, on a star filled night, with you, Ave," I whispered.

His eyes stayed on mine.

I held his stare as long as I could before the shyness in me won out, dropping my eyes to our intertwined hands between us. _Keep the nerve, Ashlee,_ I told myself. I exhaled the breath I was holding. "I have a confession to make."

He remained silent as he waited for me to lift my head and begin.

"When I went back home...to California, after seeing you for the first time in all those years, I was a mess," I searched his face for understanding. He nodded, and I continued, "I couldn't sleep, eat, or function as a normal adult, let alone a mother. It's the reason Eli dumped me for this place, but that's beside the point...anyway...when sleep did catch up with me, I dreamt of you."

The statement got is attention; I watched as his eyes bounced back and forth around my face.

"You dreamt of me?" he asked. "Like throttling my neck or five-hundred different ways to kill me, dreaming?"

I smiled, "No. No, not at all, actually the total opposite, the dreams were always about you and me together...as a couple. We danced, you played guitar, and you saved me...my parents were in the dreams too. And... And, they..." I couldn't go on, a tear dropped from my right eye.

"Hey, it's okay," he comforted as he pulled me into his embrace. "It's okay now. You don't have to go on. I get it, you were shocked over seeing me again and confused. It's okay. Shh..."

I sobbed quietly into his shirt. He held me tight, giving me the strength to continue, "No. I have to go on," I stepped back slightly but not enough where I left his arms; it felt good being in his arms. I glanced over his features before settling on his eyes. "My parents, they were in the dreams too. They were comforting me, telling me not to be afraid because you were here to save me, and you did; several times, you saved me. You kept me from drowning. You killed a mountain lion from having me for dinner. You rescued me from falling into a deep ravine on a wild ride with Sunny. It was all so confusing. Every time I woke, I bawled. I'm sure I was crying over my parents, but somehow it seemed like more. You know, in the years since their death, not one dream was about them."

He nodded, "I've never really thought much about what dreams mean, but it sounds like your subconscious knew something your brain didn't."

"Funny, Doctor Clare said the same thing."

"Well, I'm not as smart as Doctor Clare, and I hear she's the best at what she does for a living, but it sounds about right to me," he concluded.

"There's one more thing, when I went to the Kaw reservation, with Blacko and Clare, for Sam's naming ceremony, right before I bolted town, one of the elders gave me a dream catcher. In California, I hung it above my headboard, because you know, it's a gift and it's beautiful. Anyway, Jenna thinks it's responsible for the dreams. I wasn't for sure, but Clare and Blacko agree with her. They say the Kaw people are strong and they believe the spirits can do unimaginable things. That the ancestors were pulling me back...back...to you."

Now it was Avery's turn to exhale audibly, "Well... I guess it's not hard to believe. I hear the natives have magic powers. The question is, how do you feel about it?"

I smiled, "I think Southwind was calling me home."

His eyes darted over my face again, "Southwind calling you home?"

"Yes, but not home to run the ranch...home to you. The dreams, the signing of the land sale, my son running away; all of it was a wake-up call, a call to come back to you. And, because of those circumstances, I can do this," I added as I leaned in, bringing my lips to his. It was a small kiss, but I was testing the waters.

He searched my eyes. I let him and felt as if he were searching my soul, "Are you sure, Ash? I mean, earlier today you were yelling at me; calling me a murderer."

"I'm absolutely positive. Southwind calls," I leaned in, this time he met me halfway. The kiss was soft. Our mouths moved side to side, over each other, tasting and believing. It was real. We really were here, together, after all the years apart. I ran my fingers through his hair at his nape as he wrapped his arms around my waist pressing his body to mine. I kept his lips locked with mine; there was no escaping my heart this time. The kiss intensified as my body responded into his.

A pained sound came from his throat as he broke the kiss, "Ashlee, I..." he stammered, resting his forehead on mine.

I laughed, "Take it easy, Ave. I'm not going to jump your bones right here on the dock. I'm sorry, I've thought about the kiss you left me with too many times to count. Really, I'm a take-it-slow kind of girl," I explained, "And, I've... I've only been with one man, one time and it produced one kid... I think I'll be cautious."

He laughed as well while pulling one of his hands from behind my back and taking one of mine, holding it between our bodies. He bent and kissed my fingers tenderly, "Well, that's good. Because... I can't think of anything except you...naked in my bed...right now. It's good to know one of us has morals. And, I want to have morals with you, Ash. I hope I can. I've been dreaming of this moment with you since we were fourteen-years-old."

"I don't necessarily think it's morals," I interjected. "I think it's my inexperience."

He laughed again, "Well then, shall we dance and get to know one another, again?"

"Dance? We don't have music."

"That, I can fix. Stay put," he commanded as he let go of my hand and walked off the dock toward his truck. He turned the key and the smooth voice of Eric Church flowed from the truck speakers. He hustled back and grabbed me by the waist again, pulling my body close to his. He moved me slowly to the rhythm of the slow melody.

After the first song ended we continued dancing through the next. I raised my eyes in thought and he caught my expression.

I explained, "I thought you were going to fix the music problem by playing me some guitar and singing."

I felt his chest rumble through mine as he chuckled, "Well, if I played, then I couldn't dance with you. Priorities, Ash," he pushed me from his warm body, twirled me around, "I've been dreaming about dancing with you since I watched you dance with Ryan Payne at The Barn, three weeks ago."

"Three weeks ago?" I questioned as my body pressed against his again, "I only saw you at The Barn two weeks ago. Are you telling me you saw me before I saw you?"

"Guilty," he admitted. "I've known you were in town since the day you arrived. Small town, Ash. Did you forget how that works?"

I smiled up at him, "I suppose so, but I didn't know you were here at the time, so... I guess I didn't have to think about it. What did you do for the two weeks before I found out?"

"I died a little every day, thinking about you. I barely worked; you can ask my men on the job site. They've had enough of my jerk attitude. I trespassed on your land, broke into your car and house...lord girl, you make me do all kinds of criminal things."

I laughed in turn, "I suppose so, but you can do whatever you want now, Ave. So... What are you going to do?"

"Oh, that's easy, I'm going to enjoy every minute you allow me," he twirled me again but this time, when he pulled me back, he planted me tight against his body, "And, I'm not going to let go until you make me."

"Mm... I doubt I make you; this is exactly what my heart has been missing. _You_ are what's been missing."

His eyes glistened, "I've waited years to hear those words. I can't believe I'm hearing them, Ashlee."

"I can't believe I'm saying them," I giggled. "You're a good dancer, you know?"

"I know a little of what I'm doing here. But you, you're a great dancer. It practically killed me watching you with Ryan. I was happy when he started dancing with Greta and you sat out a few. I'm not sure how much more I could've endured of the two of you in each other's arms. It was getting to the point where I had to make the decision between throwing down my guitar and punching his lights out... Or, faking sick and going home."

"Aw...jealousy, it's a strong emotion. I'm happy for your sake, and Ryan's, we took a break from dancing."

Laying my head on his chest, I let him move me around the dock. After Brad Paisley sang _We Danced_ , I raised my head with question, "Avery?"

"Hmm?"

"Where did you learn to play guitar and sing?"

He glanced over my face smiling, "In Juvie. It was part of group therapy. We each had to pick an instrument and truly attempt learning to play," he turned me in a slow circle before continuing, "The drums were already taken by Scary Rob, so... I chose guitar. It was only natural I sang with the songs I learned, and actually, I enjoyed it. After I was released, I kept playing." His gaze was far away. Over my head, past me, toward the lake, "It's been a mainstay of getting me through the past twelve years."

I placed a light kiss on the opening of his neck, "I think you play wonderfully. I didn't know it was you at The Barn, but I was mesmerized by your voice and playing. I think I pushed Ryan to dance with Greta, so... I could sit and enjoy the music, alone."

He twirled me around and dipped me to Luke Bryan singing _Do I_? When he brought me up I placed my lips on his and we kissed.

I broke the kiss with one more question in my eyes, "Ave? Who is Scary Rob?"

He laughed, "You don't even want to know, Ash."

A Note From The Author:

Thank you, from the depth of my heart, for choosing to read my first novel. This project has been in the making for a few years. Only recently have I gathered enough courage to click publish. I'm not an English professor, an accomplished blogger or a best-selling novelist. I am, however, a dreamer. Stories of these characters, and many more, have flooded my mind for years. At first, I had no knowledge of how to set them about, but, after a lot of research, I think I've figured it out. Mostly.

All praise and glory to God above. Without Him, who sent his son, Jesus, as well as the Holy Spirit, nothing would be possible.

Thanks all the way to the moon, around Saturn, Jupiter and ten other galaxies and back goes to Ms. Nora Roberts for being the amazing storyteller she is. Ms. Roberts will always be my literacy hero. If I ever have the opportunity to meet her, I will most likely pass out...or, pee my pants...or, both.

Special thanks to my family for their support. My father, Ray, for being the hardworking man he always has been and showing me what a man should be. My mother, Candy, for always being there when I need her (and yes, I still need her as an adult), for listening, and for turning me to reading at a young age.

My children. Kenna, Koen, Kammie and Kampman. For teaching me life lessons. For making me a mother. Life would be completely dull without you all. Thank you for having the best personalities in the world. Each one different and each one special.

And, my husband, Jed, for putting up with me and my love of reading and writing for the past twenty years. Among other things, which I can't list here, as it would be an entire book itself.

There are two teachers in my life who I will always cherish. My baton twirling teacher, Beth Wilson and my Senior English teacher, Amy Gray. Both women were inspiring in so many ways. Whether it be teaching me to use my talents or how to treat others, I learned from the best.

To many friends and other family members, thank you. All character names and the town of Southwind are fictional, however, if you happen to see your name used, don't freak out. The character is not you, but I wanted to use your name in appreciation of your tie to me. My siblings, Justin and Rebekah, along with my cousin, Sarah: this means you!

I didn't use an editor. I wish I could afford one, but it's not in the budget this month. I did, however, edit the story one-hundred times and then once more for good luck. I have some English teacher friends whom I could've asked, and maybe you're saying, _Girl, you should have._.. But, I'm horrible at asking people to do things for me. All mistakes are mine. If you find one, you win something. A hundred bucks sounds good. Just kidding. I'm not made of enough money to pay for an editor, how could I afford a prize? For real though, if you find a mistake, please let me know. I didn't write this novel to become rich or earn my fifteen minutes of fame. I wrote it for myself. I wrote it to clear my head of the characters and their antics. I wrote it for them.

So... If, you read through the entire story of Avery and Ashlee, please write a review and share with your friends. I appreciate it. The second novel has been finished. Look for it, titled: Southwind Loves: When Friends And Barbecue Combine.

You can find updates on the Southwind series on my blog at melschanz.blogspot.com

Favorite Author me on Goodreads at Melschanz

Find me on Twitter at melschanz

And on Instagram at melschanz

Much love and happy reading,

Mel

Pay no attention to my browsing history... I'm a writer, not a serial killer. ~Unknown

