

## Leavesly

Reni Huang

SMASHWORDS EDITION

Copyright 2013 Reni Huang

Dedicated to my love, Maurice

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

Chapter One

"Packages!"

Julia Kyoto slammed shut her laptop just as the door flung open. Sure enough, there sat two brown-paper wrapped boxes stacked one on top of the other affectively blocking her roommate from entering their shared dorm room. Julia bit back a smile as she watched Lexi Lin attempt to scoop up both boxes, only to strain her reedy thin arms and fall back on the wooden hallway floor with a small thud.

"Boy, those are heavy," she remarked unnecessarily, giving them a slight kick with her foot. "They're for you, from your mom," Lexi announced, locating the address label.

Between the two girls, they managed to push the boxes inside the dorm room. Strong salty air blew in from the open window, ruffling the sheer white linen curtains draped over the valance. Aosta Verde University was located in sunny southern California, nestled on a rocky cliff between Oceanside and San Diego. Yet on this late September afternoon, the weather was crisp rather than sweltering, thanks to the constant Pacific breeze blowing in from the beach.

"Let's see what Mama Kyoto has packed for you today," Lexi murmured as she unceremoniously began tearing at the triple taped boxes. "Oh, I hope it's the Shrimp chips I hinted at last time she called. I love dorm food, but I miss our weekly trips to Marukai," Lexi sighed, reminiscing about the local Asian market from the neighborhood where she and Julia grew up.

"Yeah, fifty pounds of Shrimp chips."

Impatient, Lexi grabbed her key and used its bronze teeth to tear into the box. After a final last struggle with the stubborn packing tape, she triumphantly threw open the cardboard flaps.

"So, what's the verdict?"

Leaning in, Julia recognized the content immediately.

The well-worn burgundy leather covers greeted her sheepishly, like they knew they weren't supposed to be four hundred miles away from home. Away from where she had carefully hidden them deep inside the large armoire of her childhood bedroom.

"Your journals?" Lexi said, not bothering to hide her disappointment. "Why did your mom send you these? You didn't ask for them, did you?" One glance at Julia's horrified, equally confused expression answered her question.

As private as Julia was, it was a testament to Lexi's trustworthiness that she had also been able to instantly identify what those unassuming notebooks were. They were the treasure troughs of Julia's otherwise impermeable thoughts. The yearnings and moment by moment accounts of all things important and trivial in her everyday existence.

"Do you think your mom read them before she sent them to you?" Lexi wondered. She kicked off her cherry pink flip-flop sandals and headed to the small cupboard on top of the mini-refrigerator in the corner of the dorm room.

Julia felt her heart stutter at the thought. But as the blood began to rush through her head, it cleared away the mortifying notion.

"No, you know how she is. The moment she realized what they were, I'm sure she squeezed her eyes shut and turned the other way." Growing up Julia's mom had avoided any hint of drama in her life. She believed that secrets should be swept away and unwelcomed feelings remain unspoken.

"Hm, that's true. I wonder how she found them. Don't you keep your journals locked up in some vault?" Lexi teased. She rummaged around in their snack stash until she pulled out a half-eaten bagel wrapped in a napkin. The last time either girl had bought bagels was over a week ago.

Julia had given up on organizing that cupboard after the first couple of days of school. It was hard to keep the shared area tidy at times without crossing the fine line of intruding into Lexi's personal space. She was messy, but she had a good memory. And she didn't like it when the last three M&Ms she had specifically saved had mistakenly been thrown away.

"Ew! Lexi!" Julia balked as Lexi began nibbling at the crusty edge of the bagel.

"What? It's still good," she retorted, shrugging off Julia's disapproval as being pretentious.

"It's unsanitary. Speaking of which, please stop taking food back out of the garbage."

Lexi gave her a miffed look. "When did I do that?"

"The banana I threw out yesterday? I found it back in our fruit bowl."

"I was going to eat that."

"But I had already thrown it away. It was sitting in our trashcan, with all of our garbage."

"You mean that wicker basket you keep by our desks? That basket is cleaner than my backpack. You line it with your Abercrombie and Fitch shopping bags, and spray it with Lysol. Even though the only thing we're allowed to throw into it is paper."

"That's not true. I threw away the banana in it. That's not paper."

"Yes, a perfectly good banana."

"It was brown."

"The brown ones are the best! Don't look at me like I'm crazy," Lexi defended herself, flopping down on her bed with an impish and unapologetic look on her face. "You know the best banana breads are made with very ripe, very brown bananas."

"And you were going to bake a tiny little loaf of bread with that one left over banana you found in the trash."

"Yes," she said with a smug smile. "And you just missed your chance of tasting it, what, with all your trash-talking," she paused to relish her unintentional pun. "Now I'm going to let Ellie be the one to sample my latest confection."

"Well, of course, if anybody would enjoy your dirty banana bread, it would be him." At the mention of his name, Julia glanced at the clock. "Where is he anyways? I thought he was meeting us here before three-thirty."

Lexi shrugged, unworried, and instead reached over to click on the iPod dock sitting on her nightstand. Colbie Caillat's latest happy, carefree melody floated out to fill the room. Peering out the window, Julia scanned the tall grassy lawn with the windy path that curved up to their dormitory for the familiar tall and lanky figure.

A moment later Elliott Lee came coasting down the path towards the girl's dormitory on his bike. "Elliott's here," Julia informed Lexi, who had changed into her turquoise bikini and was pulling a white strapless linen dress over it. "You're going to go swimming?"

Lexi gave her a dubious look. "We're going to the beach."

Julia glanced down at the white halter top and apple-green shorts she was wearing. "But I wasn't planning on actually going into the water. Should I change?"

"Not unless you want to. You look gorgeous as usual," Lexi shrugged.

Julia sighed at the compliment. There had been a time when appearances meant a lot to her. But she had learned the hard way that superficial things like that don't mean much, if anything, it's just more unwanted drama and heartache. She didn't care whether or not people found her to be attractive, she just wanted to know if she was expected to wear swim attire.

Everyday since the first day on campus, Julia felt like she was being thrown into all these foreign situations and it was starting to make her feel off-balance. She cherished her routines. Unlike Lexi who seemed to thrive off of these new situations as if she was on an exciting adventure.

"Ellie!" Lexi called down to him, waving from the window. "We'll be right down!" She turned and gave Julia a sympathetic smile. "It'll be fun, Lia. I promise this will be the last fellowship event I'll drag you to check out before we decide on the one we want to join."

Julia mustered up her best upbeat expression. "It's cool. C'mon, let's go."

Once outside, Lexi grinned at Elliott, who was leaning proudly against the second-hand bike he bought off his RA the first week of school.

"Hey, Els," Lexi said. "What's with the bike?" Elliott's dorm was only down the path, it took him literally five minutes to walk over.

His infectious smile lit across his face. "It's our ride."

Lexi and Julia stared at him wordlessly.

Then Lexi burst out laughing. "Ellie! When I said to get us a ride, I didn't mean your bike! I thought you were going to call that number on the A.A.C.F. flier to get us a ride to the beach."

"How are we supposed to all get on this thing?" Julia mused. "Climb up on your back?"

"Well, I was thinking," Elliott mumbled, "that Lexi could ride the handle bars. And Julia, you could put your feet on those spokes on the back wheel. And I would peddle, of course." He shrugged at their dumbfounded expressions. "It's doable."

"Ellie, we're not the circus! I really don't want to ride into this event like some magical acrobatic show."

Elliott's smile faltered. "There was a number on that flier?"

"Listen," Lexi said, waving both hands in front of her like she was erasing away this problem. "Let's just run back to your room to get your skateboard. Julia can ride the bike, with me on the handle bars."

_So much for first impressions_ , Julia thought wryly. _We're going to arrive in style: Ellie-style._ With an accepting shrug, Julia smiled. At least this was something she was familiar and comfortable with.

The dormitories faced the ocean, and there was a fairly steep and winding path that led straight down towards the sprawling beach below. There were certain turns so steep that Lexi and Julia were forced to hop off the bike and walk down until the path became more leveled. It was going to be quite a trek biking back up. Once they made their way down the pebbly path and on to the wide and paved boardwalk, it was easy to peddle alongside the strip of sand until they found Life Guard Station 42.

Chapter Two

"Hey, so do you guys need a ride to Aosta Verde church on Sunday?" the guy who introduced himself as Randall Choi said. Self-consciously, Julia wondered how many people saw them cruising in on Elliott's bike and skateboard. As far as she could tell, the rest of the freshmen had carpooled with the upperclassmen to the A.A.C.F., which stood for Asian-American Christian Fellowship, kick-off event.

"Yes, that would be great!" Lexi said enthusiastically.

"Cool, alright then, let me check our list here." Randall busied over some charts. "I'm going to put you down with Wynn Yoshida. He can fit three people in his car. Let me see if I can find him for you." Julia followed his gaze as he scanned the clusters of people laughing and chatting nearby. "Have you seen Wynn?" he called to a girl who walked by carrying a tray of watermelon.

The girl nodded out towards the ocean. "Surfing," she answered.

"I'll introduce you guys to him later. Have you eaten? There's a ton of food and drinks over there. Feel free to get as much as you want."

"Thanks, Randall."

Looking around at all the strangers crowded around her, Julia felt a moment of dizziness. Reading her thoughts, Lexi clamped a protective hand on her arm, and pulled her towards the picnic benches. There was close to a hundred Asian-Americans hanging out in a big rambunctious group. There were guys strumming their guitars around the unlit bonfire pit, girls sunbathing on a stretch of colorful towels, and more people tossing a Frisbee around on the sand. The ocean was a shimmering expanse of a backdrop, clear blue and foaming white where the waves crashed against the steady pale blue of the spacious sky.

The greasy smell of hotdogs and burgers being grilled wafted about them. Tubs of ice chilled beverages were lined up one next to another on the tables overflowing with buns, an assortment of chips, trays of cut fruit, and roasted corn on the cob.

Grabbing some ice cold sodas, they found a place to sit. After getting in a couple bites, Julia started to feel better. Everyone was friendly and relaxed. Lexi and Elliott were deep in conversation with the people next to them.

Julia noticed some of the girls checking out Elliott. It was still a bit strange acknowledging the fact that Elliott had grown into such a hot commodity. She still viewed him at times as that tear-streaked and scraped up little kid she and Lexi had first befriended back in grade school.

Elliott was an oxymoron. He had been a late-bloomer, not having hit his growth spurt until the summer between his sophomore and junior year in high school. But once he got going, he just didn't stop. Despite his height, he still viewed himself as the irresponsible slacker unable to outgrow the shadow of his brothers.

Sipping on her Pepsi, a shadow fell over her, and Julia raised her arm to squint against the glare of the sun. A tall figure towered over her, his face hidden by the contrast of the brightness behind him.

"Hi, I'm Wynn Yoshida," he said, extending his hand in greeting. Cold water sprayed on her legs as he leaned over. "Randall pointed you guys out to me. Oh, sorry," he apologized when he noticed Julia gingerly wiping away the water. "Hold on."

He turned to grab an orange, yellow and blue striped surf board leaning against one of the beach chairs. Tucking it under his arm, he jogged off towards the parking lot to a dark grey Honda Element and stuck his surf board in through the top of the open hood. Pulling open the inverted door, he searched around until he found a t-shirt and attempted to dry himself off. Tossing the shirt back in the car, he shook his head with a quick jerk, pushed his hair out of his eyes, and jogged back.

Stopping to grab a water bottle from one of the tubs, several people called out greetings to him. But he just gave them a wave, and headed back to where they were sitting.

"So, uh, sorry about the mix up," Wynn said after taking a swig from the water bottle. "Randall was telling me he signed you guys up to be in my car. The problem is I won't be attending Aosta Verde church on Sundays anymore. If you want, I can set you guys up with another carpool." He hesitated. "Just wanted to explain, so there would be no confusion when another person picks you up Sunday morning."

"That's cool," Elliott said. "Don't worry about it." He threw Lexi a grin, and motioned riding his bike as an alternative, making her laugh.

Julia remained silent next to them. She was watching Wynn, wanting to ask why he wasn't going to attend the church anymore. But she didn't want to pry. Lexi, however, felt no qualms in asking.

"So why won't you be going anymore?"

Wynn glanced up at her, surprised at being asked. After a moment, he said, "I'll be going to my home church instead. My dad asked me to help out with the youth group." He didn't sound thrilled about the idea.

"Is your dad the pastor?" Lexi asked, her eyes brightening.

"Yeah."

"I'm a pastor's kid, too!" Lexi announced with pride. Wynn found her reaction amusing.

"Congratulations," Wynn said with a guarded smile. Just then, a guy holding a football came jogging up to them.

"Hey, Wynn, are you in for a game?"

"Sure." He glanced over at Elliott. "You want to play?"

Elliott handed Lexi his plate, and stood up to join him. Noticing the girls, the guy with the football flashed an overconfident grin and said, "Hey, I'm Geoff Chen – Geoff with a G. And you are?"

"I'm Lexi with an L, and this is Lia also with an L," Lexi introduced them.

"Leah, huh?" Geoff continued in his teasing manner. "Your parents should've named you Rebecca instead."

Julia tried not to roll her eyes, but Wynn didn't bother suppressing the urge.

"Wonderful. Biblical pickup lines."

"Actually," Julia said, a bit irritated. "It's Lia as in Julia."

Lexi nudged her, warning her to keep her composure. Julia bit her lip, feeling regretful. For all she knew Geoff was actually a really nice guy, and meant no harm. But she just didn't have the patience for flirts.

Geoff continued grinning at them, unaffected, "Alright then, _Julia."_

"He's hot, huh?" Lexi teased once the guys were out of hearing, making Julia blush. Sometimes she forgot that just because she felt invisible didn't mean that she was.

"Was I staring?" Julia asked a bit self-consciously then tried to brush it off. What did it matter even if she had found Wynn attractive? To be honest, many of the guys here were. But that didn't mean one thing or another. "Not bad," she finally admitted, making Lexi laugh.

"Aw. Look at him," Lexi said, sympathy coloring her tone.

It took Julia a moment to realize she wasn't referring to Wynn. The guys were all fine and really preoccupied with the game.

Julia followed her gaze, and landed on a guy sitting alone, wearing dark jeans and a painfully uncomfortable expression on his face. He was clearly not enjoying himself.

"Do you think we should go and talk to him?"

"Please don't make me," Julia began but Lexi wasn't listening.

Julia sighed. There was no point trying to dissuade her now. Lexi was compassionate to a fault, and by the way her gaze was locked on the guy Julia could tell that her mind was made up.

"What are you going to say to him?"

Lexi shrugged, still staring. "I don't know. Just keep him company. It must be awful being all alone in the midst of so many people having fun. C'mon, let's go."

Julia wanted to say "maybe he wants to be alone," but instead got up and followed Lexi.

"Hi, I'm Lexi, and this is Julia," Lexi said, plopping down next to him.

The guy startled and gaped at them. He quickly recovered and tried to look nonchalant.

"Oh, hey," he drawled. "I'm Stan."

"What year are you?"

"Freshmen."

"So are we!" Lexi paused to wave at Elliott, who had lost track of the girls during the game and was scanning the beach to locate where they had moved to.

Once Elliott spotted them, he threw them a curious look. It was clear he was wondering who the guy was and why they were sitting with him. Lexi just smiled and waved to him again. Elliott nodded then turned back to focus on the football game.

"That's our friend, Elliott. Anyways, so how did you hear about A.A.C.F.?"

"My roommate wanted to come. He said there would be free food and cute chicks," Stan said bitterly. "But he didn't mention it was going to be a religious thing."

Lexi threw Julia a grimaced look then turned her attention back to Stan. "Is your roommate a Christian?"

Stan shrugged. "I guess. I'm not sure. That's him, over there." He pointed at one of the guys playing football. The girls didn't recognize him, but he had a pretty serious t-shirt tan.

"Oh," was all Lexi managed to say. Julia could see the wheels clicking in her head, trying to figure out what to say or do next. "Well, um, do you want to go join them in playing football? I'm sure they could use another guy."

"Nah, I just got contacts. I don't want to get sand in them."

He did blink rather a lot. Julia knew that had been Lexi's way of trying to eradicate them from this conversation. Stan wasn't a lonely guy needing company. He clearly felt like he was tricked and was protesting by secluding himself from the group.

Julia tried to think of a way to help Lexi out of this situation, but before she came up with anything Lexi blurted out, "Do you want me to tell you about God?"

Julia gaped at her in shock. What was she doing? By the way Lexi's face paled, she could tell she hadn't thought this through.

Stan stared at her a little then shrugged. "What's there to tell?"

"Well, um," she threw Julia a panicked looked, but jumped in before she could be rescued. "In the beginning God created earth, and everything was good. But then the first man Adam sinned. So then things got really bad. Then, um, there was a flood..."

Oh, my goodness! Was Lexi seriously going to give the poor guy a Cliff Notes version of the Bible? By the horrified look on Lexi's face, Julia knew she was regretting her hasty decision. To Stan's credit, he actually seemed embarrassed for Lexi's blunder. He tried not to look confused and nodded along, letting her ramble.

They had been taught how to share the Gospel message back in Sunday school. But at the moment all those Bible verses they'd memorized escaped them... something about the book of Romans.

"Wait, let me find a Bible," Julia offered and quickly jumped up. Scanning the beach towels to see if anyone had brought theirs along, Julia caught a familiar face. "Wynn!" she called out to him.

Wynn was making his way from the football game to grab his water bottle. He turned around and waited.

"Do you have a Bible with you? It's kind of an emergency!"

"Yeah, I have one in my car." He gave her a curious look, obviously wondering about her panicked tone. Julia trotted behind him as he went to retrieve it. "Is everything ok?"

"No, not really, Lexi's trying to witness to someone, and it's not going very well."

Julia was surprised when Wynn's expression turned dark. "Need help?" he asked curtly. Despite his annoyed attitude, she was relieved to hear his offer.

"Yes, please," Julia said and broke out into a sprint. She didn't want to leave Lexi alone for too long. Who knew what Bible story she was on now, hopefully not Samson and Delilah or anything too random.

Wynn kept pace, and Lexi looked up completely flustered when they finally rejoined them. Wynn took one look at Stan's bewildered expression and handed Julia his Bible, clearly irritated.

"Hey, I'm Wynn. I hear the girls were talking to you about God?"

"Uh, hey, man. Look, I don't know what kind of event this is, but I'm really not comfortable with any of this. I just came for the free food and to meet some girls," Stan mumbled, looking ready to run.

"No, I totally understand. That's not how it works here. We don't force anything on anyone. If you're interested in knowing about God, feel free to talk to any of us. But if you're not interested, that's totally cool."

"Yeah, I'm really not."

"Not a problem. There's still plenty of food left if you want any. Or if you want to get back to campus, I can find whoever it was you came with. Whatever, man, it's up to you."

"Uh, you know what. I think I'm good. I know my way back to campus." With one last look like he was running for his life, Stan took off, kicking up sand as he fled.

Julia stood there clutching Wynn's Bible, and a very bad feeling drained through her. Slowly, Wynn stood back up and gave the girls a disapproving look.

"What was that about?" he said in a low voice.

Julia felt as mortified as Lexi looked.

"Look, I understand that we want to share about God to other people, but ambushing them is not the way to do it," he continued. "That's just not how it works. This is why people have such a bad view on Christians. Did you see the look on his face? That is not a guy who's ever going to want to set foot at another church event again."

"I'm sorry," Lexi began.

But Wynn just gave her a frustrated look then turned to Julia.

"Don't ever do that again," he said, taking his Bible out of her hands. "Do you know how that must have looked from his point of view? He comes for the free food and hot girls. He eats then you two show up. Once you get him in a conversation, you go running for back up, a guy toting along his Bible." He let out an angry sigh. "If I were him, I would be freaked out too."

"It wasn't like that," Julia protested, finally finding her voice. Lexi was close to tears and starting to shake. "We actually cared about that guy, we just thought he was lonely, and when we found out he didn't know God, we just wanted to share about Him." When Wynn started shaking his head in disagreement, she rushed on. "I know it looked bad, we could've done it differently. But you don't have to come down so hard on us. You don't even know us."

Wynn stopped then and looked her straight in the eye. "You're right. I don't know you. But if you love God as much as you claim, then it's your responsibility to first of all know what it is you believe in so you can clearly share the message with someone else without having to run for reinforcement. And second, figure out a better way to go about it. The only way a person is truly saved is when they accept Christ by their own will, not because they feel cornered into it."

Julia knew he was right, but she was too upset to back down. She felt herself still glaring at him, even after he shook his head and threw them one final frustrated look before stalking off. The moment after he left, tears spilled down Lexi's face. Julia wrapped her arm around Lexi's shoulder and pulled her towards one of the life guard stations. Straggling behind the small paint-peeling building and out of sight from the rest of the A.A.C.F. crowd, Julia turned to huddle Lexi in a loose hug.

"It's ok, Lexi. The jerk had no right to yell at us like that. And I know you meant well going to go talk to Stan. I totally blanked too. But everything will be ok. We can just walk away from here and never see any of these people again. Please don't cry."

"Lexi? Julia?"

A moment later, Elliott appeared around the corner of the lifeguard station. One look at Lexi's tear-streaked face, and he went into protector mode, his face going hard.

"What happened? Why is Lexi crying?" Elliott was drenched with sweat, his legs and swim trunks covered with wet sand. He must've missed the whole episode. Julia wondered if other people had overheard Wynn rebuking them.

"Wynn yelled at us."

Julia watched with satisfaction as Elliott's face turned dark red with anger. More than once growing up, Elliott had thrown some punches defending them. The last time he did was during their junior year in high school. He was usually such a laid-back, easy-going guy that it was quite a thrill to see him roar to life when he felt his friends needed his help. Or maybe it was his rarely seen fierce expression whenever something really ticked him off, and willingness to get hurt if it meant standing up for his friends, that made Julia feel a kind of safety and devotion she didn't feel even with her own parents.

"No, it was my fault," Lexi piped up quickly. She grabbed Elliott's arm as he turned to no doubt seek out Wynn. "I messed up. I'm not crying because I'm mad at Wynn. He was right. I'm just mad at myself. The worst is to think I might have turned Stan off from ever wanting to know God."

Elliott gave Julia a confused look, and she filled him in on what took place during his football game. He stood expressionless, listening, his eyes betraying a bit of his shared mortification before he hid it away.

When Julia finished, he took a deep breath then looked up at Lexi. A grin broke his face and he said, "Three words, Lex. Resist. The. Impulse."

That made Lexi smile. It wasn't the first time Elliott had said that to her before.

He pulled her into a tight hug then let her go. "Don't worry about it. So you made a mistake. You learn from it. You move on. Who knows, maybe this is God's way of kicking us in the butt and getting our attention. I mean, we grew up in church. We have no excuse for not knowing how to share with another person what it is we believe in."

"Please stop saying 'we.' You weren't even there, Ellie. And Lia, I appreciate how you stood up for me in front of Wynn, but you know it wasn't true. It wasn't 'us' who acted like a stupid fool, it was me. But I get it. I will never do that again."

"I don't want you to be afraid to share about God because of this."

"No, I know. That's not what I meant. I'm just saying, the next time someone wants to know about God, I'm going to be ready."

By the time they headed back to join the group, the sun was starting to set. The sand suddenly felt very cold. Pulling on her thin yellow hooded jacket, Julia shivered and wished she had brought something warmer to wear. Julia turned to watch some guys toss chunks of wood into the pit and lit it with fuel and a match. As the smoke flew up into the night sky, everyone started moving in towards the fire.

The three friends went to go sit down near the edge of the bonfire pit. Turning slightly, Julia recognized the guy sitting closest to them, the one with the football.

"Hi, Geoff," Julia forced herself to say, not wanting to come across as rude.

"Oh, hey, there, Julia," he said, seeming very pleased about himself. Randall began gathering some people, who Julia assumed were on the leadership team. Geoff handed Julia his guitar and stood up.

"Can you take care of my guitar for me? I'll be back in a second."

Julia reluctantly held his guitar. Lexi and Elliott looked like they were about to bust up laughing at her incredulous expression.

In high school, they had a memorable long talk about relationships about what they looked for in their significant other. Lexi was attracted to guys who were confident and out-going. Elliott, who insisted that all he wanted was a super hot girl, finally admitted that as long as she believed in him, she was a keeper. For Julia, well, this conversation took place after The Big Heartbreak Incident that pretty much turned her off from all guys. All she wanted was someone who was trustworthy.

It hadn't always been this way. Before, Julia had kept a rather long list of requirements, most of the attributes being superficial like height requirements and athletic abilities. But then the day arrived when she realized what complete idiots guys can be, and it narrowed down the mandatory list pretty fast. In her limited experience, pretty-boys like Geoff were the worst offenders: their sugary words just a mask to their acrid lies.

Oblivious to her distress, Geoff loped off with his cocky grin to join the huddle. Julia tried her best not to project her bitter past on to him.

"Here," Elliott said and reached out to rescue the guitar from her tentative hold. He strummed out some chords, and Lexi hummed along. Elliott had a knack for bending melodies to make them sound more soulful. But whenever Lexi would tell him how talented he was, he would shrug saying "it's just a minor chord."

A few minutes later, Geoff and the rest of the leadership came back to join them. Geoff looked slightly peeved to see Elliott strumming away on his guitar, drawing an attentive and mostly female audience.

Randall called everyone together, and officially welcomed them to the first A.A.C.F. event of the school year. Soon the first song began, and someone passed around a box of graham crackers and chocolate. Julia lost track of time, feeling warm and content like one of the gooey marshmallows toasting on the fire as the familiar worship songs washed over the group. Then Randall got back up to announce that there was going to be a short prayer time for this upcoming school year.

Julia was huddled against Lexi, when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around to see Wynn. During the singing, Julia had noticed him on the other side of the fire pit, sitting on a blanket with his friends. After the first glance, she made it a point not to look in his direction. But now there was no avoiding eye contact.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" He had on a thick black hooded sweatshirt. Beside her, Lexi and Elliott both looked up to see who was talking to her. Not wanting to cause a scene, Julia hastily stood up and walked away from the warm fire. The air was much colder by the crashing ocean waves, and dark. The moon glowed faintly above, its glimmering uneven reflection on the water. From the yellow heat dimly emanating from the distant bonfire, Julia was barely able to make out Wynn's features.

Fists jammed deep inside his pockets, Wynn cleared his throat and said, "I just wanted to apologize for losing it on you and your friend this afternoon. I'd feel bad if my actions today end up scaring you and your friends from joining A.A.C.F."

Julia wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to make up Lexi and Elliott's minds for them, but she knew she wanted to avoid seeing Wynn. A frustrated sigh escaped from him when Julia didn't respond. Why did he always have to be so impatient? It wasn't a very good trait.

There was annoyance in her voice when she said, "Look, if you're worried about ruining your fellowship's incoming membership number..."

"What?" Wynn cut her off. "I could care less about attendance numbers. If anything, I wish some people would decide to _not_ join if they're not in it for the right reasons. The last thing we need are more uncommitted so-called Christians making the rest of us who actually take it seriously look bad."

Julia stood there bewildered. "That was blunt," she managed to choke out.

Her retort caught him off-guard as it did her. She usually had her feelings locked up so tightly inside that the words remain jumbled up in her thoughts until she was able to release them on to paper. Maybe the blanket of darkness was to blame. It gave her a false sense of security to say the raw honest thoughts burning in her mind.

Wynn shook his head. "Look, sorry. I've been a bit stressed out with certain obligations."

"You mean the youth group you agreed to help out with?"

"That's one of them."

"Why don't you just say no?"

"I can't. No one else will do it."

"What other obligations do you have?"

"School."

"Well, you can't get rid of that. What else?"

He gave her a strange look, as if he were thinking 'when did you turn into my shrink?' Julia was wondering the same thing, but she was too curious to stop herself. He answered her anyways. "My internship and that is one thing I will not give up. This is everything I've been working towards."

"What are you interning for?"

"Brooks Production Company. For now it's just grunt work, but it's a foot in the door. The first-hand experiences with the inside workings of a production company, from preproduction to its final editing, the press junkets and premiere, it's priceless." The enthusiasm in his voice was hard to resist.

"You want to become an actor?"

Wynn snorted. "No."

She gave him an exasperated look. "Then explain please."

He looked at her again like he was trying to figure her out, debating how much he was willing to tell. He sighed again, that same irritated sound like he was struggling with something going on inside his own head. "I'm not a big dreamer," he began, sounding a bit defensive as if he'd had this argument with someone else before. "I swear I'm usually a really practical, level-headed guy. But all I want to do is make good films. This internship is huge. I can't give that up."

_Then you should go for it_ , Julia wanted to say.

Before she could, Lexi and Elliott appeared. Julia knew they thought they were coming to rescue her. But to be honest, she was disappointed by the interruption.

"Hi, guys," Lexi said, linking her arm protectively through hers. "Everyone is wrapping up back at the bonfire. We should get going. It's still going to be a ride before we reach our dorms."

"Who drove you here?"

"No one, we biked here. And, um, skateboarded, well, Elliott did."

Wynn looked impressed. "Do you need a ride back to campus?" he asked.

But the moment had passed for Julia. Having Lexi and Elliott next to her somehow made her slip back into her usual self-conscious shell. She stayed quiet and let Lexi take over the conversation.

"No, that's alright. Thanks," Lexi said, and began pulling Julia away.

Elliott stood on the other side of Julia, acting as her body guard. Reality settled in, and Julia shook herself out of the lingering pull of wanting to stay on this cold beach hidden in the darkness talking to Wynn.

After all, he was basically a stranger.

* * *

Sleep refused to settle in. Julia jerked out of bed, nearly tripping over the two large boxes in the middle of the room. She and Lexi had given up pushing it across the floor and had just left it there.

Julia warily eyed the dark square shadows of the boxes. She couldn't leave her painfully personal diaries out in the middle of the room where they were vulnerable to innocent but curious eyes.

At the same time, she couldn't just throw them away. Without them, a part of her childhood and mere existence would disappear with them. No, they were too much a part of her identity for her to do something so irreversible.

But she could make them less conspicuous by hiding them in a memory card. Glad of the idea, Julia silently crept over to the box, careful not to wake up Lexi. She pulled out the first couple of journals lying on top of the box.

Turning on her laptop, she used the dim light flooding from the screen to read the date scrawled at the top of the first entry. It was going to take some organizing to put the journals into chronological order.

The summer before her freshmen year in high school seemed like a good place to start. She could always go back later and type in the earlier years. Propping up the journal, she began clicking away on the computer keys, the words rhythmically transporting her back to another time and place.

They were fourteen and excited about attending the high school camp for the first time. Lexi was convinced someone had raided their cabin. It wasn't until the next afternoon that a group of upperclassman boys strutted into the cafeteria right before lunch began, all dressed in super tight tank tops. The room erupted in roars of laughter. But Julia had been upset because one of the guys was stretching out her brand new Aeropostale halter top that she had yet to even wear.

It wasn't until she was standing in line to clear her plate after the meal that the boy had approached her.

" _Sorry about ruining your shirt," he had said. There was mischief in his eyes despite his regretful demeanor. "I promise I'll buy you a new one."_

He was beautiful and confident. She had instantly felt self-conscious under his gaze. Caught off guard and feeling shy, she had stood mutely in front of him until he smiled and leaned forward.

" _By the way, I'm Craig Wu."_

Rubbing her eyes, Julia made herself stop transcribing. She had thought the memories were starting to lose their jagged edge. But reliving the moments she had treasured before Craig became her boyfriend only reminded her of the turn of events that tore them to shreds.

Some promises he had kept, like replacing her shirt and showering her with many more gifts to come. But others, well, maybe he meant to keep them but well-meaning only goes so far. After a while broken promises just turn into a litter of lies.

Please, God, don't let me make the same mistake twice.

Pulling out a brand new little black memory card, she hit "save" on her laptop then tucked the journal into her desk. Wearily, she crawled back into bed.

Chapter Three

Beep. Beep.

Julia glanced up in time to see the shiny black Escalade cruising up to the sidewalk outside the dorm building. The tinted window rolled down, and Geoff's grinning face appeared from within.

"Morning, ladies and gent!" he greeted the trio as he rolled to a stop.

"Do you mind if I leave the windows rolled down?" Julia asked sheepishly, as they pulled away from the curb. There was something about the morning air, so fresh and filled with hope for a new day. She liked to savor the possibilities of experiencing something wonderful, before the wear and tear of daily life tainted it.

"Not a problem," was Geoff's easy answer, flipping off the AC.

Julia forced a smile in response, but kept her eyes on the flashing scenery outside. The ocean was on the horizon, sparkling and playful. The faint sound of the crashing choppy waves down below intermingled with the squawks of seagulls circling and diving overhead.

The SUV curved around a mountain road, and a gleaming white lighthouse came into view. It stood strong and solitude on a sandy cliff, its presence drawing her in. They rounded another bend and the ocean disappeared from view. Clusters of tall trees replaced them, and Julia slowly let her mind drift back to the conversation taking place within the car.

Lexi was in the middle of sharing some funny anecdote from their childhood. Geoff must've asked about how they all knew each other. Julia kept her face turned towards the open window, chin propped in her fist, enjoying the cool breeze. Lexi's lilting voice and expressive descriptions made her smile nostalgically.

Ever since they were children, Lexi imitated her Grammy Lois. She would take on the role of surrogate mother when her grandmother wasn't around to do so, even though she was the shortest and impulsive one.

Grammy Lois had once told them that as a little girl, Lexi's mom had nicknamed her "Tsei-Tsei," which means "Big Sister" in Taiwanese. Her mom had planned on having twelve kids, was how the story went. But a little after her fifth birthday, Lexi's mom passed away from cancer.

But that wasn't the story Lexi was regaling Geoff with at the moment. Rather it was one of Grammy Lois and how she would meet the three of them after school each day. She would walk with them back to her home and teach them stuff like how to make dumpling noodle soup from scratch. One day, they had ran out of parsley and Julia had found a solution by secretly substituting it with finely chopped grass, much to Grammy Lois' chagrin.

Before long, the thick lines of tall trees began to disappear, and was replaced by buildings and small shopping plazas. A Barnes & Noble and Starbucks whizzed by, and Julia knew they were getting closer to church. A couple left turns later, they slowed to a crawl to get in line to enter the massive parking lot.

Attendants wearing orange vests and walkie-talkies smiled and waved them through, towards the tall modern three-story building. It took a few minutes to weave through the parking lot until they found a space large enough to accommodate Geoff's oversized vehicle. Then they followed the throng of people walking towards the three large sets of open glass double-doors.

Julia sat up straighter when Pastor Jensen walked up. They had heard him preach several times before at different youth conferences, so it was pretty exciting to be at his church and to see him so close up. Julia jotted down as many notes as Pastor Jensen talked about how everyone is intricately created by God, all unique and specifically molded to play a vital role in the family of Christ. As Pastor Jensen spoke, Julia couldn't help but wonder what kind of role she was supposed to play when she could barely talk to people.

Julia was still praying when people started to rustle in their seats, and the organ played a loud triumphant hymn to end the worship service. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and opened her eyes to see a pretty girl with light brown hair and wide almond eyes smiling at her.

"Lexi and Julia, right?" the girl greeted them, her faint accent sounding musically Hawaiian. "I'm Natalie Aiea. I'll be leading the freshmen girls' small group this year, if you're interested in joining a Bible study with A.A.C.F."

"Hey, Natalie," Geoff grinned at her from his seat next to Julia, and casually slung his arm across the back of the pew. "Recruiting early, huh?" Geoff teased Natalie, and she gave his shoulder a playful push but smiled undauntedly.

"I'm having a dinner at my apartment before the first A.A.C.F. meeting this Wednesday. We'll walk to The Cove together, so you won't have to show up by yourselves. Here's my email if you're interested, would love to have you join us!" She handed Lexi and Julia both a slip of paper torn from her bulletin. Giving Julia's shoulder a friendly squeeze, Natalie threw Geoff a look that said "behave," and moved to rejoin her friends.

Julia followed the slow shuffle out towards the double doors. It seemed like Geoff knew everybody as he greeted people from the other college fellowships, such as InterVarsity, Navigators, and Campus Crusades.

Geoff was rallying up people for a BBQ. Eventually, Julia found herself back in Geoff's car racing towards a residential neighborhood.

"Whose house are we going to?" Julia whispered to Lexi. The latest hit song by the David Crowder Band blared from the radio and wind whipped at them from the open windows.

Lexi leaned in and whispered back, "I think Geoff and Randall and some other guys rent a house near campus. Seems like that's the place everyone goes to hang out."

The car slowed in front of a two story blue and white house bordered on both sides by thick oak trees. In the driveway was parked a dark grey Honda Element, all four doors opened, and dripping wet. The guy in the hunter green cargo shorts and bare feet, who was spraying down the car, paused to turn towards them as Geoff turned off the ignition.

"What's he doing?" Lexi asked. "Isn't he going to ruin the upholstery in his car?"

"Water resistant, and rubber mats on the floor, the Element is the perfect surfer car," Geoff shrugged and climbed out of his car. "Hey, everyone's coming over for a BBQ. Help me get the grill going," he called to his housemate, who continued squinting at them before finally giving a slight nod.

"Hey, Wynn."

"Hey, Wynn," Lexi echoed Elliott and followed Geoff into the house. He gave them a nod then turned to resume hosing down the interior of his car.

"Hey, Wynn," Julia parroted her friends, lingering. "How was church?"

He shrugged. "Fine, how was church for you?" He was staring at her oddly like he was wondering why they were invited over to his place.

"Good. But different, so much bigger and more organized than my home church," Julia offered with a nervous laugh. Then stopped, disliking the sound of it.

"Yeah, Pastor Jensen is good, really solid sermons."

"Yeah," Julia bit her lip, feeling overwhelmingly awkward. "Okay, well," not knowing how to finish this conversation. She backed up a few steps then whirled around and darted into the house.

There were surfboards and boogie boards leaning against the wall, and the house smelled of sunscreen and a salty mustiness of ocean wet clothes being left out.

In the front room, a cluster of musical instruments for a full band was set up, including large speakers and a sound system. The dining room had a large table in it, but looked like it served more as a study hall with all the laptops and backpacks scattered around the table.

Lexi was in the back room, which featured the biggest flat screen TV Julia had ever seen. A jumble of electronic devices were tangled to it, shelves of DVDs and videogames lining one wall.

The door slammed and Wynn walked in. He had thrown on a plain white t-shirt, his long shorts wet from rinsing the sand from his car. He gave the girls a nod as he walked pass but otherwise wordlessly headed out the open glass door to the back patio. Geoff and Elliott were already out there getting the grill set up and burning.

Lexi fiddled with a couple remote controls before figuring out how to switch channels to a Sunday afternoon chick flick. The movie was already started, but it was a Keira Knightley classic, so they picked up right away with the storyline to travel back in time to Old England with _Pride and Prejudice._ Right before Julia's favorite scene where Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy have their passionate shouting match at the stone gazebo in the middle of a rain storm, the door to Geoff and Wynn's house banged open. The front room filled with noisy chatter and laughter, bringing her back to reality.

Lexi hopped up from the sofa and Julia trailed after her as they made their way into the kitchen. Natalie and some other people were unloading bags full of grocery. "Need a hand?" Lexi offered, and they were assigned to salad duty.

Soon the first batch of Korean-style marinated Kalbi ribs were thrown on the grill and the fruit was cut, salad prepared and side dishes laid out.

Lexi, Elliott, and Julia ended up sitting on the grass outside, underneath one of the lemon trees, listening to the upperclassmen banter comfortably back and forth. Wynn clearly fit in with his friends, easy-going and confident. Julia tried not to let it bother her how he didn't give her a second glance, and only talked to his friends. It wasn't like she was being ignored. Everyone else was doing their part to make her feel welcomed. They asked her the regular questions about how her first weeks at college have been, and friendly questions about her hometown.

"So, Elliott, what was it like growing up with these two girls?" Geoff asked conversationally, between taking large bites of his steak.

"You mean other than getting my hair braided every other day?"

"Dude, you had hair long enough for them to braid?"

"Just the regular bowl cut."

"Every little Asian boy's nightmare."

"Yeah, I was their real life My Little Pony," Elliott said and the guys laughed at his unfortunate past.

After a while, Wynn got up and went back inside the house. Julia caught herself following him with her gaze, but then chided herself. Instead she made herself focus on the people around her.

There was Alison Wong, in the dainty white summer dress with the perfectly made-up face who looked like a porcelain China doll, but when she opened her mouth was loud and sarcastic. Sitting next to Alison was Mudd Hori, who was stocky, slightly resembling a bulldog, with his intimidating appearance. On the other side of Julia was Wynn's roommate, Dan Lee.

When everyone finished eating, some of the guys started up a Wii game. Other people headed to the front room and started jamming on the instruments.

"So can you guys hang out longer?" Natalie asked Julia, who was perched next to Lexi on the back of one of the sofas. They watched Geoff and Randall sweat it out on the videogame consoles. Elliott was sprawled out on the floor in front of the TV waiting for his turn.

"I do have some reading to do," Julia admitted, then caught Lexi's pleading look. It was clear Lexi was having fun and wanted to stay.

"I can drive you back to campus. We can get your books, and come back here to study." Natalie suggested. The thought of getting any studying done here was hard for Julia to imagine.

"That'd be great! Thanks, Natalie!" Lexi answered.

"You don't have to if it's going to be a hassle," Julia wavered at the wide-eyed look Lexi threw at her.

"Not a problem," Natalie insisted. "Everyone hangs out here. It's crazy right now, but we do manage to get some studying done."

The ride back to campus was unexpectedly short. Julia grabbed as many textbooks as she could, slung her knapsack over one shoulder. She waited while Lexi dawdled over her books, unsure of which one she wanted to bring.

"I don't want to make Natalie wait forever. Just bring your Earth Science textbook. That's your first class tomorrow."

"But I don't think we have a reading assignment for that."

"Then grab your Math book. If we're going, let's go."

By the time they got back down to Natalie's car, Elliott was already in the passenger seat. He was lazily twirling a pencil on his fingers, a thin notebook balancing on his knee.

"Where are your books?" Julia asked him as she scooted into the small white Civic.

He shrugged. "I just figured I'd do whatever assignment Lexi was going to do."

Elliott had copied off Lexi's class registration list at the beginning of the school year claiming the course catalogue was too confusing to comprehend.

Back at the house things had mellowed down quite a bit. In the dining room, several people were hunched over their laptops. The TV was turned off in the back room. Moody 80's music was playing softly in the back ground.

They settled in, and soon Julia was engrossed in her American Society and Culture reading assignment, tuning out the rest of the voices around her. Lying on her stomach, she wasn't even aware of how much time had gone by, until her propped up arms started going numb. She switched positions, only to see that most of the room had emptied out.

Natalie was sitting leaning against one wall, head bent over the Economics textbook open in her lap. Sprawled across the brown sofa was Wynn, earphones on, thumbing through his iPod. Julia wasn't even sure when he had joined them. His laptop laid shut on the floor next to him.

The CD in the stereo had stopped playing, and instead music from the front room had started up again. From the sound of it, that was where everyone else had gathered.

Noticing her movements, Wynn looked up from his iPod and glanced over at her. His head bent at an awkward position from where it reclined on the arm of the sofa.

"Long reading assignment," he commented.

Not knowing what to say, Julia remained silent. He sat up and pulled the earphones out, tossing the music player next to his laptop. He glanced over at Natalie, who hadn't looked up from her reading, then looked back at Julia. She felt like he wanted to say something. The urge to ask him again about his church and how his day went working with his youth group came back but she didn't. She had already asked earlier, when he was outside rinsing out his car, and he hadn't wanted to talk.

Seemingly on cue, Lexi and Elliott came wandering into the room. "Finally," Lexi said with an exasperated tone, seeing Julia close her textbook. "Did you have to read about the entire century in one night?"

Julia heard Wynn chuckle from the sofa, and Elliott plopped down on the floor next to her.

"Alright, who's up for some Kamikaze?" Geoff asked, big grin in place, holding up a gallon of milk.

Natalie groaned.

"I believe I have a bet to settle with Wynn," Geoff continued. "Are you up for the challenge?"

A wicked gleam entered Wynn's eyes. He got up slowly, confidently, rolling his shoulders and looking ready to attack.

"What's going on?" Lexi laughed, moving closer to Natalie.

Natalie shook her head. "This crazy game Randall and the guys made up their freshmen year. Every year they make all the freshmen play it, and each year the rules get more complicated and the dares more outrageous. It's a bit of a hazing for the freshmen but even the older guys still get competitive over it. Geoff was the reigning champion, but lately Wynn's beginning to steal his thunder. They're always at it."

"Alright, let the games begin," Randall announced, coming down the stairs in his sleeveless undershirt, getting pumped up. There was a whole lot of good-natured jeering and stretching and hopping around the way boxers do before the leave their corners of the ring. Lexi couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle.

"Oh, yeah," Geoff hooted, strutting around making people laugh. He chest bumped Mudd who growled at him in return. Julia moved to lean against the wall, but Randall motioned her over with a wave.

"Sorry, no spectators. We don't allow witnesses. So you either get in the game or you can go stand outside."

"Randall!" several girls protested right away, making Randall and the other guys laugh.

"I'm kidding. But I'm not. Get in."

Stepping protectively in front of Julia, Lexi bristled right away at the challenge, tossed her hair and bounded up into the center of the circle. "Just explain the rules, Old Man," she taunted with a smile, her competitive side coming to the fore. The group of guys laughed appreciatively. Randall and Geoff started talking over each other, explaining elaborate and confusing rules that centered around a deck of cards, and depending on the number and suit, there were different actions that needed to be performed.

It all seemed really complicated and kind of pointless. But as the guys continued explaining, the rest of the group began picking up energy and it was clear they were getting keyed up to commence playing.

Lexi listened carefully, nodding along despite the slightly confused expression on her face. Julia felt a bit nervous for her. Elliott, on the other side of her was also listening attentively. No doubt he would be jumping in on this unofficial rite of passage this group had created, especially since Lexi had already gotten herself into it.

The first round began, and Mudd was chosen to be the one to flip the deck of cards. The group huddled in a large circle around Mudd, all eyes trained on the cards being flipped at lightning speed. No wonder they had asked Mudd to be the human shuffle machine. The first couple of cards, no one moved, then a King of Diamonds was revealed, and suddenly the straining group leapt in unison into a human dog pile in the center of the room. Lexi and Elliott were the last ones to topple on top. From there, the game lasted for the next hour or so.

Towards the end of the night, Alison had drunk almost a quarter of a gallon worth of milk shots, and was racing to the bathroom for the third time, at the wake of the guys' uncontrollable laughter. They showed no mercy in taking advantage of the fact that most Asians are lactose-intolerant.

"I feel so bad for her," Julia whispered to Natalie.

Natalie nodded in agreement, but explained, "It's just the guys' way to showing camaraderie. If they tease you, it means you're part of the group."

"And if they don't?"

Natalie shrugged. "They're just polite, but keep their distance."

Julia silently glanced over to where Lexi and Elliott were sitting with Randall, Geoff and Mudd. Lexi scoffed at Mudd as he tried to intimidate her with threats of eating dog food covered in hot sauce as the next round's punishment.

Chapter Four

"Hey, I'm at the quad. Where are you?" Julia said, scanning the crowded courtyard as she left a message on Lexi's cell phone. Red umbrellas shaded round tables scattered around the square. The quad, located conveniently in the middle of campus, featured a little food court and bookstore.

Finding an empty spot by the edge of the fountain, Julia sat down and scanned the courtyard again. She had agreed to meet Lexi and Elliott for lunch after their morning classes. Right now she really needed her friends to help get her mind off the red ink covered paper she had just been handed back. The critique tainted assignment remained buried deep inside her knapsack, where for now she wanted to pretend it didn't exist. But she knew sooner or later she would have to deal with it. Especially since the revised version was expected back on her professor's desk in two weeks.

Contemplating leaving Lexi another message, Julia looked up to see a pair of familiar faces walking towards her.

"Hey, Julia."

"Hi, Dan," she smiled. "Wynn."

Wynn offered his usual curt nod.

"Waiting for someone?" Dan asked.

"Lexi and Elliott, they're coming from the other side of campus, Earth Science class."

"Rock-collecting class, nice," Dan laughed easily. "Wow, I remember those easy-A's days. I take it your friends aren't big science fans."

"Nope, I think the appeal was when the course description said classes were going to take place partially at the beach."

"Let me guess, they're also enrolled in Gospel Choir."

"Tonight's class, actually," Julia replied honestly, which made Dan laugh again.

"Sounds like your freshmen year schedule," Wynn smirked at Dan.

"Yeah, I'm having flashbacks already." Then he held up the grease stained bag smelling of grilled onions and salty meat and said, "Alright, real world calls. I'll see you guys around." Dan waved and sauntered off.

"Where's he off to?" Julia asked.

"Work."

"Where does he work at?"

"Some lab off campus." Wynn appeared to be debating whether to join her or not.

Julia was deliberating between saying "you don't have to stay" or "my friends will be here soon" without sounding lame, when he sat down. Without preamble he began wolfing down the Philly cheese steak.

After half his sandwich had disappeared, Wynn glanced up at her a bit sheepishly. "Want some fries?" he mumbled over the mouthful.

Julia smiled. "I'm okay."

"Are you having lunch with your friends?"

"Yeah."

The early afternoon was steadily heating up, showing no signs of catering to the autumn season. The thin pale pink cardigan she was wearing started to feel too warm.

"So you have class after this?" Wynn asked, crumpling up the greasy paper bag into a tight ball. He tossed it a couple feet into the nearby trashcan.

"No, I just finished my two classes for today."

Most people despised waking up early, but Julia was a morning person. Elliott had acted like he was going to die when he had seen her schedule this quarter with all her classes ending before lunch, until Julia reminded him it wasn't her schedule he had copied. Lucky for him most of the ones Lexi chose didn't start until after lunch.

"What about you?"

He glanced at his phone to check the clock. "I have some time to kill until I need to go."

"Class?"

"Internship."

"At Brooks Production, right?"

He nodded.

It must be cool to actually work at a movie company. Julia wondered what he got to do there. She hesitated, not wanting to pry, but then said, "So what are you currently working on?"

He perked up at the question, putting her at ease. He was still explaining the project to her when her friends finally showed up.

"Lia!"

They looked up to see Lexi waving and breathless. Elliott kept speed to her brisk pace unconcerned, despite his wet hair and damp shorts.

"What happened?" Julia wondered at his haphazard appearance. "I left you a message."

"You did?" Lexi said, checking her phone. "Oops. I forgot to charge the battery again."

"Hey, Wynn," Elliott greeted him, and Wynn nodded back.

"Why are you wet?"

"Field trip day," Elliott answered casually with a grin.

"And that involved deep sea diving in the ocean?"

"What can I say, I'm very thorough with my quest for knowledge concerning all things earth," Elliott quipped.

A table opened up, and Wynn offered to hold it for them while they went to go buy their lunch. By the time Julia sat down with her food, Lexi was eating and asking Wynn about his youth group.

"Unfortunately, I haven't been putting as much time into the planning as I should," Wynn was saying. "There's this workbook I found from when I was in high school. It's a bit outdated, but I remember it being pretty good."

"Are the kids enjoying it?"

Wynn shrugged. "Hard to tell, they're really quiet during the lessons. It's weird since they're normally kind of crazy."

"Well, if you're looking for any volunteers, we'd love to help out!" Lexi offered, causing Julia to choke mid-bite. Obviously Lexi had gotten over Wynn's rebuke at the bonfire, but to offer their help, especially without getting her friends' permission first?

Julia gave her a mild kick under the table.

Lexi glanced up at her and quickly added, "I mean we'll talk about it first. But it sounds like fun!" She swiftly scooted her legs away to the far end of the table.

Julia looked over, and saw her surprise mirrored in Wynn's expression. "Thanks," he said after a moment. "It would be good to have other people helping out." Then he laughed. "I should warn you though not to have high expectations. The youth group is really small. There're only five high school students, so if one of them misses a night, there will be a one-to-one ratio of leaders and youth members."

Elliott laughed. "I like those odds," he said in between noisy slurps from his supersized cup of soda.

Glancing down at his cell phone, Wynn said "I got to run." He looked at Julia and said, "Will you guys be at the Wednesday night A.A.C.F. meeting?"

"Yes."

"Ok. We can talk then. If you guys are interested, I can tell you more about it. No pressure." With that he stood up and walked away.

* * *

"Race you to the cliffs!" Lexi shouted over the noisy ocean wind, and took off pedaling as fast as her skinny legs allowed. Julia sighed as Elliott laughed at the challenge, and without effort proceeded to swiftly sail past her.

"Lexi, you challenge him every day, and you've still yet to win a race," Julia called to their retreating figures. She didn't bother trying to catch up with them and continued at her own leisurely pace. Tilting up her face towards the early morning sunlight, she couldn't help but smile.

Since the bonfire, Elliott had bought both girls their own second-hand bikes. They took pleasure in their newfound freedom and had visited the local farmer's market, and perused the assortment of shops and boutiques that lined the main street of town. They were now able to frequent their favorite café, simply called Beans, with its array of coffee and teas and sandwiches. It was located right on the boardwalk.

Today they were going to investigate the historic Staten Lighthouse Park that Julia had seen on their way to Aosta Verde church. By the time she wounded her way up the winding pebbled path to the old lighthouse, Lexi and Elliott were already sprawled out on the grass, out of breath. Their dusty bikes and backpacks were scattered about nearby.

"So who won?" Julia teased. They both wearily raised their arms to point at themselves. Julia laughed and leaned her green bicycle against the white picket fence that wrapped around the lighthouse. Pulling her spiral-ringed notebook out of her bag, she sat on the steps of the tower and drew in a deep satisfying breath.

The vast expanse of the ocean stretched out before her for miles, fading into the cobalt blue of the sky. Her thoughts swirled, her hand reaching for her pen and journal, and the words that appeared made her unexpressed feelings real. This was when she felt the most at peace with herself, when she felt the most comfortable and the most at ease in her own skin. As her mind raced and her heart overflowed into words on the paper, her hand flew over the pages attempting to keep pace.

If it were up to her, Julia would decline from volunteering at Wynn's church because the thought of having to talk to a bunch of strangers made her feel exhausted and uncomfortable.

At the same time, she knew people like Grammy Lois and her past youth group leaders had made a positive impact in her life. The time they invested in her showed they cared, and she honestly didn't think she would've understood God's love for her if she hadn't witnessed it through them. Wouldn't it be completely selfish if she didn't somehow return the favor now?

Julia wasn't sure how much time had passed, when she finally felt satisfied that she had adequately emptied out all her confusion, thoughts, and struggles on paper. Sensing a break from her previous reverie, Lexi suddenly popped into view.

"Hey, did you know there are two hundred and seventy-six steps leading up to the top of this lighthouse?" Lexi said, plopping down next to her.

"You counted?" Julia asked incredulously.

Lexi smiled and shrugged. "I guesstimated. We counted up to seventy-six and gave up."

"Is that what you and Ellie were doing this whole time?"

"Yup, we called to you from the real top too, but I guess you didn't hear us. You really disappear inside your head sometimes, you know."

Craning her head around, Julia asked, "Where's Ellie?"

"Oh, he's still up at the top of the lighthouse." Lexi paused for dramatic effect then added, "He's singing opera at the top of his lungs. I'm surprised you didn't hear that."

Julia laughed, held her breath and listened hard. A few seconds later, Julia managed to pick a thin thread of a low voice straining to wail some sort of melody before the distant ocean waves and howl of the wind tossed the sound away.

"Huh, I can barely hear him now. But he sounded like a yowling banshee when I was up there with him."

"I can believe that."

"Are you done journaling?" Lexi asked a bit off-handedly. She tried to appear nonchalant, but Julia knew her well enough that she was creating an opening for her to confide in her.

"Yes," Julia said. "I guess it boils down to this. I know you and Ellie would volunteer at Wynn's church youth group in a heartbeat. I'm completely fine with you guys doing this without me. But if we're sticking to our Three Musketeers pact, then I don't want to be the reason you guys don't help out at his church."

"Really?" Lexi jumped up with a huge grin. "Let's go tell Ellie the good news!"

Chapter Five

_This is ironic_ , Julia thought as she sat at the large oval table in her Memoir writing class. Of all the classes she had enrolled in this quarter, she had been most excited about this one. Yet here she was hiding her red ink critiqued covered assignment under her binder, feeling completely out of her league and doubting her writing abilities.

Professor Palermo was busy scribbling the four elements needed in a strong Memoir piece on the white board. Her long tumble of auburn curls swished with conviction with each stroke of the pen.

Julia's breath caught in her throat as her professor stared straight at her. "Lastly, don't be afraid of critique. It's meant to make you a stronger writer. There is poor writing, good writing, and then there is even better writing. Always push yourself to write even better, more poignant, more compelling."

"Want to exchange papers?"

Julia startled as she looked up from her reverie at the blonde girl sitting next to her. A glance around the room confirmed that her classmates had paired up and were busy reading one another's second drafts.

"Yes, of course," Julia said, pulling out her paper and handing it to the girl. "Sorry about that."

"No problem, I'm Willow Harris, by the way."

"Julia Kyoto."

Within minutes she was submerged in Willow's life, the words simply written on the paper weaving a legacy that traveled back several generations.

* * *

The sun was starting to set by the time Lexi and Julia arrived at Natalie's apartment at the edge of campus for Bible study. They climbed up the steps to knock on the front door.

Natalie greeted them warmly the moment the door swung open. "Hello, we're just about ready to start eating."

Taking off their shoes, they followed her into the dining area. About fifteen girls were standing around kitchen table, which displayed a large bowl of fancy looking pasta, a garden salad, and bruschetta. Natalie's apartment contrasted Wynn's house in every way. There were rows of framed photographs of Natalie and her roommates along the wall, and everything was color-coordinated and awash in pastels.

Standing in line for the food, Julia watched as Lexi began introducing them to different people. The girl standing in front of them wore a black tank top and skinny dark jeans, her long black hair up in a loose twist. Everything about her was casual but polished down to the way she slowly turned around and gave them a brief once-over.

"Oh hi, I'm Suzy Kim," she said, barely mustering up a smile.

"I remember you from the beach bonfire," Lexi said, scooping up a big heaping pile of pasta on her plate.

"Right, you're Elliott's friend," Suzy said. "Where is Elliott? Is he going to the A.A.C.F. meeting tonight?"

"He's at the freshmen guy's Bible study dinner."

While everyone ate, Natalie quickly ran through a couple of A.A.C.F. announcements and what she hoped the girls would gain from their Bible study group.

After dinner, Natalie herded all the freshmen girls back towards campus. A.A.C.F.'s Wednesday night meetings were held at The Cove. Music floated out to greet them as they neared the building.

"Are we late?" Lexi asked, a bit panicked.

"It sounds like they're just rehearsing," Julia reassured her. She followed the rest of the girls into the brightly lit foyer. There were several sets of doors leading to different conference rooms. The moment Natalie pulled open the door, the drums and guitars blared.

All the tables and chairs were stacked up against the side of the room. At the far end was the worship band with all of their instruments set up. Julia recognized Geoff singing into the microphone on the lead guitar. Mudd was on the bass guitar, a girl she didn't recognize on the keyboard, and Dan was behind the drums. At the opposite end of the large room was all the sound equipment. Wearing headphones hooked up to the sound system, and staring at his laptop, Wynn sat at the switch board.

"Let's go say hi," Lexi said when she followed Julia's gaze and spotted Wynn.

Julia grabbed her arm and shook her head. "No, he looks busy. I don't want to bother him."

Lexi sighed but shrugged. "C'mon, everyone's sitting down."

After the song ended, Geoff made his way over, a huge grin stretched across his face.

"Hey, girls, what's up? I see you're training them well, Natalie, nice and early."

"Yeah, maybe next time you can bring them by half an hour earlier and they can help bring in all the instruments and stuff," Dan joked, rubbing his arms.

Geoff laughed. "Quit moaning, Dan." He gave him a punch then grinned at the girls. "What a rookie. Begged all last year to be on the worship band, now this year he makes it on the team, and this is what we have to put up with."

Dan huffed. "Easy for you to say, you just have to bring your guitar. I have a whole drum set to lug around."

"You're killing me," Geoff smirked.

As more people entered the room, Julia started to feel a bit claustrophobic. After the worship set, the lights came back on, and Julia noticed all the leaders heading up towards the front of the room. They performed a funny skit to welcome everyone back to school year, highlighting a couple of annual A.A.C.F. events that take place during the year. The room erupted with laughter and hoots of applause afterwards, as the leadership lined up and Randall began introducing them.

After the applause died down, Randall held up his hand and said, "Last but not least, Wynn Yoshida, who takes care of all our behind-the-scenes multimedia magic."

Julia swiveled around to catch Wynn give his usual nod from the back of the room.

After the meeting, Lexi dragged Julia and Elliott to weave towards the back of the room to talk to Wynn. When they finally reach the little table Wynn had set up, a couple of upperclassmen were already gathered around him, chatting.

"Hi, Wynn," Lexi said, not shy about interrupting the conversation.

Wynn looked up and grinned. "What's up?"

"So we made a decision, and we'd love to help out with your church youth group!" Lexi announced without preamble.

"Nice," Wynn nodded, glancing briefly at Julia to see if she was in agreement on this. "Let me give you my email. If you're up for it, I can pick you guys up on Friday to check it out. You can meet the kids, and get to know them a little."

Lexi and Wynn exchange information on their cell phones just as Geoff made his way towards them.

"Hey, Wynn, everyone's headed to In-N-Out. Are you coming?"

"Yeah, sure, let me just pack all of this stuff up first." Wynn glanced over at Julia and said, "You guys want to come?"

Geoff laughed and threw one arm around Julia and the other around Elliott. "Of course they're coming, got to have the freshies."

Julia cringed at being referred to as a "freshie" and knew Elliott read her thoughts by his muffled laugh.

Chapter Six

By the end of the week, Julia got around to buying a shredder from the campus bookstore. It had been tempting at times to try and rewrite her journals, especially the painful or humiliating parts. She cringed when she read the parts about how easily she had fallen in love with Craig. She had been so blind to his inability to be honest with her.

But she resisted the urge to rewrite her past. Better to face the truth, to make these painful guideposts serve as a reminder to her poor naïve heart.

Delving into her past through her journals brought to focus the revising of her Memoir assignment. Her first draft had been superficial she realized, just touching on facts about her family history, reading more as a biography outline with no distinct voice.

She had always viewed truth as something raw and blunt and vulnerable, that she reserved only for the privacy of her journals. It had been a barrier for her, something she was unable to connect into her Memoir piece. Never in a million years would she ever reveal to another person the things she confessed in her journals. But now reading through her journals in retrospect she was starting to see the flow of a story hidden in there, the journey, the growth.

Sitting on the floor next to her bed, Julia systematically ripped the pages out of her old journal, the words safely transcribed and saved on the black memory disc, and sent them zipping through the shredder. It was a bit sad seeing the words get torn to pieces, but she knew the sacrifice she had to make to keep her journals safe from prying eyes.

* * *

By the time Wynn's car pulled into the cul-de-sac behind their dormitory, Julia thoroughly disposed the paper shreds into the back dumpster and had started on the third draft of her Memoir piece. It had been a long couple of hours between her last class and getting ready for Youth Group, giving her some space to relax and think. But at the now familiar sight of Wynn's dark grey Honda Element, Julia felt a new surge of excitement flow through her mingled in with some panic.

As a child, Julia had followed Lexi and Grammy Lois to church. She grew to love being part of that church family. Youth Group had been a natural extension of that family.

Lexi had been the cyclone, with everything and everyone revolving around her, but Julia had been content with her place in that group. She was Lexi's best friend, and for a time Craig's girlfriend.

A part of her was excited to be helping out at a Youth Group now, while the other part only felt fear of the unknown.

"Hi, Wynn," Lexi called out, as his car came to a stop.

Elliott put his guitar back in its case and stood up. Lexi had asked him to bring it along in case they needed it. He had been strumming a song, the same nameless melody he often played, while Lexi had excitedly chatted about random things while they had waited to be picked up.

The sun was starting to set when Wynn pulled into the small and empty parking lot of Leavesly Church. Around a thick leafy grove of trees, a small but tidily trimmed lawn curved around the modest paint-peeling yellow building.

"Those trees are beautiful," Julia said, admiring their coppery rich leaves. "What kind of trees are they?"

"Cherry blossoms," Wynn answered.

"Oh. I've never seen Cherry blossom trees in the autumn. I always pictured them covered with the pink and white little flowers."

"Yeah, you'll see it in the spring. The whole yard gets covered with them, like pink snow on the grass."

Julia smiled at the thought and climbed out of Wynn's car, trailing behind Lexi and Elliott. The church looked worn but well-loved. There were small attentions to detail with the hand-painted Sunday school banner strung along one wall, to the collection of mismatched used playground toys assembled under a cluster of trees to create a little children's park that displayed the care of its members.

Wynn dug around for the church keys then let them into the dark building. There was a stale smell of the room being unused during the week. He flipped on light switches as they made their way into the small sanctuary. Their footsteps echoed on the wooden floor. The pews had a worn and faded red cushion attached to it. The stage area was small and seemed crammed even with only a piano and pulpit and two large chairs on it.

Elliott set down his guitar case, the sound echoing off the bare floors and walls, and Julia filed behind her friends into one of the pews and sat down. Wynn busied himself for a couple minutes, picking up leftover bulletins from the week before, and opening windows and doors to air out the week-old musty room.

"Should we help him?" Lexi whispered. Elliott shrugged, and they remained unmoving. After pushing the side door near the stage open, Wynn headed back to them and sat down on the pews in front of theirs.

"So, this is it. Not much but its home." His usual confidence slipped a little, and Julia wondered if he regretted having them join him as his helpers. Having no words, she smiled reassuringly back at him.

"No, it's great," Lexi piped up next to her.

"So we usually start by singing a couple of songs. Chloe plays the piano, and if you want, Elliott, feel free to play along. I'm not sure what songs she chose for this week."

Elliott grimaced at Wynn's acknowledgement of his guitar. "Uh, yeah, I don't have to play."

Lexi seemed to notice Elliott's embarrassment and quickly added. "I made him bring it, just in case. I wasn't sure what the set up was like."

Wynn nodded. "Either way, Chloe tends to play really softly, so it'd be nice to have a guitar. After that I usually go over the lesson. Just a heads up, public speaking isn't my forte, I'm definitely more comfortable behind-the-scenes. But duty calls. Then after that we go over the questions listed in the book. And that's it."

"Sounds good."

"So, uh," Wynn mumbled as he swiftly pulled out his cell phone to check the time. "I guess the kids are late. But this will give us some time to pray before they show up."

They shuffled around until the four of them were in a huddle at the front of the room. Wynn began praying, and Julia couldn't help but feel his anxiety. She wondered if it was because they were here and he felt uncomfortable leading and giving his lesson for the kids with them watching him. She knew that would freak her out, having an audience and everything. Or maybe he was slightly embarrassed by his humble church and the fact that his kids hadn't shown up on time.

Lexi prayed next and Julia could tell she wanted to be encouraging with her words. She probably sensed Wynn's nervousness too, but knowing Lexi, the unknown of tonight's outcome was just an exciting challenge and nothing to worry about. For some reason she has always had that ability to fully trust in God's sovereignty over a situation, completely believing that God was about to do something amazing and wonderful no matter the circumstance.

As Elliott started praying, Julia started to feel nervous. She had never felt really comfortable praying out loud in a group. Part of it was because she was just a private person, but more than just being shy, she never knew quite what to say, and especially following one of Lexi's heartfelt prayers, hers always came out hollow and simple. Lexi giggled when Elliott ended his prayer by saying, "and please don't let us mess up the kids too much. Amen."

Julia took a deep breath and said, "Dear God, help us to know them and to love them the way you do. We need your guidance because based on our own abilities, we're so limited. Amen."

Before they could break from their huddle, the sound of a car engine shutting off and doors slamming could be heard from the open windows. Loud giggling and muffled voices wafted in along with the cool breeze of the early evening.

"Here they come," Lexi squealed in anticipation, giving Julia an excited squeeze on the arm. Julia felt a bit faint.

The rest of the night blurred, and crawled at some points. With only five kids in the youth group, it didn't take long to recognize some key traits about each one. Wynn had explained on the car ride over that they had all grown up together, their parents being friends from the church before they were even born.

Shep Yoshida was the oldest, a senior in high school, and Wynn's cousin. He was tall and very serious.

Koda Nakahara was a junior in high school, and it was clear he did not care to be here tonight. During the worship set while everyone else attempted to sing along to Chloe's muted piano playing, Koda kept his head bent over his cell phone, doing what seemed like text messaging by the way his fingers flew rapidly over the key pad. He also didn't bother to disguise his loud yawns and long-suffering sighs throughout Wynn's message.

Then there was Chloe Komura, a sophomore, who by the extremely soft way she was playing the piano either lack confidence, or was forced against her will to play. It was almost as if she hoped no one would be able to hear the music. It didn't help matters that Wynn, who was leading the singing, was a bit tone-deaf and the rest of the kids straggled along barely singing.

The only two people who really gave it their all were Lexi, who sang as if an entire choir and orchestra accompanied her. And of course, Elliott, who as usual good-naturedly followed Lexi's cue and sang along without breaking into the laughter Julia could hear at the edge of his voice. His guitar, which he had brought along, remained closed and set off to the side.

The two youngest girls were Vangy Yoshida and Pamela Komura, who are both freshmen. They were the younger sisters of Shep and Chloe, respectively. Wynn described them as being very hyper, which Julia believed to be true by their laughter and chatter when they first arrived. But right when Wynn called them to join the group, they fell silent, and now followed the lead of the older kids with their unanimated expressions and bored, uninterested attitude.

Not that Julia could really blame them. It was a bit discouraging how little the group was, and a bit funny in a sad way that there was almost a one-to-one ratio of leaders and youth kids. The most baffling part was Wynn's delivery of his message. It was robotic to say the least. Julia tried not to cringe every time he began reading off his ratty old workbook in a distant and droning tone. He seemed unprepared, and the way he spoke lacked any kind of conviction, which was so strange because he was nothing like the person who rebuked her with fervor at the beach bonfire, and not even close to the guy who shared about his church's youth group with apparent affection.

In the car, on the way over, the way Wynn described each kid, giving some funny or memorable background story on them, it was evident he cared about them. Without him even having to say so, Julia knew they were important to him. There was no other reason why he would give up attending a vibrant ministry like Aosta Verde Church to come back to this small, unorganized group unless he cared. But the way he spoke, none of it came across, least of all his love and passion for Christ. Julia almost nodded in agreement when Koda accidently let out a loud snort of a snore before Shep gave his arm a hard jab with his elbow.

* * *

"So that was interesting," Elliott said as they waved good-bye to the retreating tail lights of Wynn's car. Elliott followed the girls up the stairs to their dorm room. The car ride back to campus had been quiet except for the worship music playing in the background.

"Oh my goodness," Lexi wailed dramatically, as Julia unlocked the door and they spilled into the room. "What did we get ourselves into?" At that, the three friends burst out laughing.

Julia wanted to say "it wasn't that bad" but knew it would be a lie so she kept her mouth shut.

"Why didn't you help him out and play the guitar?" Lexi asked Elliott as he sprawled out on her bed, his guitar already in his hands as he strummed out one of the songs they had attempted to sing earlier tonight.

Elliott laughed. "Nah, it seemed rude. I didn't want to be like, well, hey, let me show you how it's done."

"And about the message, was that really Wynn up there? Who was that guy?"

Julia sighed. She agreed with Lexi. But what was there to say? It was so weird.

Elliott shrugged as well, but just continued strumming without commenting.

"What are we going to do?"

Julia sat on her bed and watched Lexi pace around their small shared room as she mumbled to herself, kicked off her flip flops, and started rummaging through their snack stash until she pulled out a bag of half-eaten Shrimp Chips.

Lexi had shamelessly begged Julia's mom over the phone to buy some the next time she grocery shopped at Marukai, and then had nearly gone into cardiac arrest from excitement when a box full of Shrimp Chips arrived a couple days later.

"Lex," Elliott signaled to her, and Lexi grabbed a handful of Shrimp Chips for herself before tossing the bag at him. Laying aside his guitar, Elliott munched noisily at the thin salty curly strips.

"Ok, this is what we'll do," Lexi said, wiping the crumbs off her hands, and going into organizer mode. "We can't quit since obviously Wynn needs our help. Those kids all grew up in the church, which means they've heard all the Bible stories. So the next level is to make it really mean something to them on a personal level."

"What are your ideas?"

"I think whenever we had to put into action something we were learning that's when it made the most impact, like planning for a retreat, or preparing for our annual music tours, or serving at different charities," Lexi listed on her fingers. "That's when the lessons we were taught became real for me."

Lexi continued to plan out loud, as Julia reached for one of her notebooks and started jotting down notes.

"And we need to do something about the worship time," Elliott said half-jokingly, crumpling up the snack bag and tossing it across the room into the trash can.

Lexi gave him a hard glare and snapped, "Ellie! Did you eat all of my Shrimp Chips? You know how hard it was to get those. Now I'm going to have to beg Lia's mom for more."

Elliott shrugged and laughed, unaffected. Lexi never stayed mad at him for long. Knowing she had nothing on him, Lexi let out one last grumble, shook out her long hair, and then switched back into business mode.

"Fine, you're right. Something major has got to change with the worship time. Els, how do you feel about starting up a worship team?"

Elliott shrugged and picked up his guitar again. "I'm fine with that, but we should run all of this by Wynn first. He is the leader."

"Oh, right." Lexi paused, then without missing a beat turned to look at Julia. "How do you feel about writing a script for a musical?"

"What do you have in mind?" Julia asked cautiously. Their youth group back at home went on a music tour every summer, performing at various churches and children's hospitals along the coast of California. But Julia had never written a full-length musical, and wasn't sure if she was up to the task.

"Well, considering that Wynn's forte is producing, and some of my fondest memories from our youth group was rehearsing for then performing our annual musicals, maybe if we cater make one for this group, it could breathe some life and excitement and purpose into this youth group."

"Do you think they're ready for that? Our youth group was really different from this one."

"That's why we'll write it ourselves, nothing too extravagant, maybe a short skit and two songs, something to get the kids thinking about how to share about God to other people. Hopefully it'll make them more excited to show up, and make them pay a little bit more attention to the messages. Wynn can prepare lessons that stem from the theme of the skit."

"I like it."

"Me, too," Julia admitted.

Lexi beamed. "Then let's do it!"

Chapter Seven

Julia spent the next day sketching out a script in between homework. By Sunday morning, she had an outline ready for Lexi to present to Wynn. The three friends stood by the curve of the cul-de-sac and waited until his car pulled into view. The second they were in the car Lexi launched into her spiel about revamping the youth group. Julia wasn't sure what kind of reaction she expected from him, but he seemed neither offended nor enthusiastic as Lexi rambled on about her Christmas skit idea. Every once in a while he would silently nod his head as he swerved up the mountain road towards Leavesly Church. Julia was trying to gauge his opinion on the whole matter, when he asked abruptly, "Do you write much?"

His eyes met hers through the rear view mirror, but before Julia could answer, Lexi laughed as if it were the biggest understatement of the century.

"Lia's been writing since before she could talk," Lexi announced proudly. "We used to hang out in one of her mom's many closets and perform the little skits she would write. Those shelves of high heels and boots were the best audiences."

"In a closet?"

"Well," Lexi explained, "they weren't originally closets. But every time Lia would ask her mom for a baby brother or sister, her mom would buy her another wool coat or purse instead. Eventually all the extra bedrooms in their home were turned into closets."

"Only child, huh?" Wynn said a bit sympathetically and Julia wondered if he was one too.

"It wasn't so bad," Julia replied, putting on a smile. Those were some of her best memories playing in her mom's closets, lots of privacy, lots of time to play undisturbed.

By the time they rolled to a stop in the parking lot, Wynn had yet to say whether or not he was in on this idea. As they piled out of the car and followed Wynn into the building, Lexi half turned to give her friends a semi-confused glanced. Elliott and Julia wordlessly exchanged looks and shrugged back at her. It wasn't until after service that the topic was brought back up.

They were gathered under a cluster of trees surrounding Leavesly Church. Some of the moms served the home-cooked meal for lunch. Plates piled high with rice, steaming vegetables, and some spicy marinated thinly sliced beef were handed out. Julia sat on one of the folding chairs under the shade, while introductions were made. Little kids played on the small slide and plastic jungle gym while their parents stood around chatting with the newcomers. As usual, Lexi acted as the spokesperson, and Julia gladly faded into the background.

Her attention wandered to the side of the church building, where she saw the youth group kids hanging out. Shep and Koda, who had already wolfed down their lunch, their empty plates lay discarded on the ground next to their Bibles and hooded jackets, were joking around while tossing a football to each other. Vangy and Pamela sat on the low wall, giggling and whispering secrets to each other while nibbling at their small forkful of rice. Chloe, although invisible to everyone else, stood out to Julia, standing off to the side of the group, looking awkward and self-conscious, disinterested in her food yet not having anything to do or anyone to talk to.

Knowing she wouldn't be missed from the conversation, Julia slowly walked over towards Chloe. Horrible flashbacks of approaching Stan at the beach bonfire skittered across her mind, but she pushed them away. This was why she was here at Wynn's church, to reach out to these kids, right? Julia knew she had nothing to offer to Shep and Koda, and she wouldn't know exactly what to say to the giggly Vangy and Pamela, but Chloe, she was someone Julia could relate to. She felt her pain and awkwardness. That was her back in high school, uncomfortable in her own skin, wanting to disappear but feeling like she stood out with neon lights flashing above her head.

"Hi," Julia said softly once she was close enough to be heard. Chloe looked up vaguely surprised. She had seen Julia coming, but had looked away unsure if she had been headed her way or not.

Chloe offered her a shy smile. "Hi."

For a moment, conversation escaped her. _What do I say now?_ _That sucks there's no one your age at church for you to hang out with? Don't worry, I totally know how you feel being lonely and shy?_ Everything sounded lame and offensive. When the silence dragged on, Chloe looked away embarrassed, and Julia knew a moment of panic.

Another second passed.

God, help me.

"Um, so what did you think about today's message?" _Whew._ Discussing the sermon seemed like a safe topic.

Chloe shrugged. "It was OK. I like the analogies Pastor Yoshida uses in his sermons. It helps to make the Bible more understandable."

Julia nodded. Pastor Yoshida was a much better speaker than his son, she thought wryly. Then felt bad for thinking so. Wynn knew he wasn't a gifted public speaker, he had said he felt more comfortable behind-the-scenes. He was taking on the position of a youth group leader not because it was his passion or choice, but because he understood there was a need and he was trying to do the right thing by teaching the kids about God when there was no one else to do it, and maybe as a favor to his dad.

"How do you like youth group?" The question came out before Julia was able to consider its appropriateness. Oh, well, she was curious to know Chloe's thoughts.

Chloe looked up a bit guiltily and looked away. "It's OK, I guess. Wynn is pretty funny. I mean, not while he's giving a lesson, I know he's supposed to be serious then. But afterwards, when he talks to us, he's pretty cool. I just wish I didn't have to play the piano during the worship time."

"How come?"

"It's embarrassing."

"But you play really well."

This was accompanied by another shrug. "I like playing the piano just for myself. I just don't like having to do it in front of other people."

"How long have you been taking lessons?"

"Since forever, my mom makes me enter all these competitions. I hate it."

"But I bet you do really well."

Chloe smiled shyly, and Julia noticed a sparkle of pride. "Sometimes, I guess. But there's this girl, Denise, at my school that's really good. She practices all the time, and because she wants to not because her mom makes her. At least that's what my mom says her mom said. But she's so obnoxious and competitive, I can't stand her."

"That's not fun."

"Yeah, but it's like my only motive to win these things. The look on her face when she loses is priceless." She laughed then glanced at Julia self-consciously unsure if she'd disapprove. "Sorry, I know that's mean."

Julia smiled at her, unsure how she was supposed to react. She didn't want to lecture Chloe and burn a bridge before one was even built. And anyways, she did understand. She didn't like being around people who were competitive and obnoxious either. Again, Julia felt out of her element. Being a youth group leader was turning out to be pretty difficult.

Keeping with the tactic of staying on safe subjects, Julia said instead, "So when's your next piano competition?"

"There's one this month, it's kind of like the semi-finals for our district. Then the finalists from each district get to perform one concerto at a regional competition in January. It's kind of a big deal, so my mom's really stressing out over it. Last year I got cut at the district level, of course Denise, you know, the girl I was telling you about sailed right through. She didn't win the regional level though, so this year that's all she's been talking about. She thinks she got robbed, so she really has it out for the judges."

"Wow, sounds intense."

"Yeah, it sort of is, I guess." She said it nonchalantly, but Julia could tell she was downplaying its importance. She could only imagine the amount of time Chloe spent practicing for these competitions, and how much emphasis her mother must place on them. She was pretty sure Chloe didn't take them as lightly as she was trying to portray them to be.

"Hey, Chloe, your mom's looking for you."

Julia turned around to see Wynn headed their way. For a moment she felt a bit disorientated. While she and Chloe were talking, they had aimlessly been walking around the Leavesly Church building, and found herself on the back side of the building, away from the crowd gathered at the front lawn.

"Oh, ok," Chloe started walking away briskly, but then stopped to call back to Julia, "Will you be at church again this Friday?"

Julia smiled and nodded.

"Cool, I'll see then. Bye!"

"Bye!"

She watched as Chloe rounded the corner and disappeared from view. A bird chirped somewhere up in the tree branches above us. Julia looked at Wynn and smiled uncertainly.

"So this whole musical idea, was it yours?" Wynn asked, catching her off-guard.

"Lexi's, actually."

"She does seem to be the mastermind behind most things."

Sensing the sarcastic edge in his voice, Julia took to defending her. "I think she was just thinking that since your passion is in films and more the producing side of things that putting on a musical would be more interesting for you. And just from our own experience, growing up and performing musicals with our youth group, we actually gained more from the rehearsals and memorizing the lines and songs than the audience members. So we thought it would be good for this youth group too, to get them engaged in the lessons that the musical presents." How did he always manage to get her to talk so much?

Unaware of his affect on her, Wynn stared thoughtfully off towards the cluster of trees then conceded, "The idea of it does sound intriguing. I just hope our group is up for the task."

"It's not a musical in the grand scale of things. It's just a short skit, with two Christmas carols, one at the beginning and one at the end."

"Do you have a copy of the script?"

"Yes, right here." Julia dug around in her purse until her fingers found the little blue memory card she had stored the script on.

Taking it, Wynn gave her a guarded smile. "Thanks. I'll check it out."

* * *

The week passed uneventfully, the days growing colder, nightfall approaching more swiftly, as common as autumn seasons come that even the envious California warmth couldn't hold it back. On Tuesday night, Julia and Lexi attended the Freshmen Girls Bible Study at Natalie's apartment.

"I want everyone to write down one way they want to grow in Christ this year," Natalie instructed them as they got comfortable sitting on the plush sofas or on the floor around the coffee table.

After the girls handed in their index cards, Natalie asked them to go around the room and to share what was written on the paper. "I hope that your experience with this Bible study group will be more than just fellowship. In order for us to encourage and keep each other accountable, we need to trust one another. And that starts by being transparent. I know it can be scary, letting other people into your private life and struggles, but I'm hoping that the friendships made during this time together will be real and deeply rooted."

Lexi kicked off the sharing time by recounting the incident with Stan on the beach. She tactfully left out the part about Wynn rebuking them, but focused on her own frustrations with failing to witness to someone.

"It was really humbling," Lexi admitted. "I've always been super confident about my faith in Christ. But I now I realize there are still so many ways I need to grow in Him."

Almost an hour later, the conversation wrapped back around to Julia.

"Um," she said, feeling a moment of panic, but quickly suppressed it. "I just want to grow in my faith."

Natalie nodded thoughtfully. "In what ways do you hope to see your faith strengthened?"

Julia shrugged uncertainly. "I guess no matter what, that I will continue to trust God, in good and bad times."

Natalie smiled. "I'll keep these cards for you, and at the end of the school year I'll give them back to you and we can see how God worked through our lives and circumstances to transform us."

* * *

Wednesday night at the A.A.C.F. meeting, Julia sat between Lexi and Elliott, feeling safe in her comfortable cocoon, then followed them afterwards to go out and eat at In-N-Out with the upperclassmen. Geoff gave them a ride, and although Wynn was also there, he barely acknowledged her. The only time he talked to her was when they happened to refill their drinks at the same time.

"Planning on pulling an all-nighter?" he asked, eyeing her choice of unsweetened iced tea.

Julia watched him practically overflowed his paper cup with lemonade.

"I'm immune to caffeine," she stated as a matter of fact.

He laughed then said, "Your script was good. I think it'll work."

Before she could reply, he gave her a smirk and sauntered off to rejoin his friends where he sat with Mudd, Alison, and Dan at the large corner table. Julia walked back to her table squeezed into the booth next to Lexi. Across from them Geoff and Elliott were busy arguing about the best NBA players to pick for the fantasy basketball league.

"What was that about?" Lexi whispered to Julia.

"I think the musical's a go," Julia whispered back and smiled as Lexi beamed at her triumphantly.

Chapter Eight

Julia's weekends were becoming synonyms with Leavesly Church. Wynn had photocopied the script and music sheets for the two Christmas carols for everyone in the youth group. Vangy and Pamela's eyes lit up with excitement at the prospect of performing in front of people. The three older teenagers seemed a little more apprehensive about the plan.

"Do we have to sing?" Koda asked uneasily.

"Who are we performing for? Is it just our parents, or are there going to be strangers in the audience?"

"It's for our church, and whoever you want to invite, your friends from school or relatives," Wynn answered Chloe.

"I'm not inviting anyone from school," Koda mumbled to no one in particular.

Lexi jumped in and said, "It's going to be awesome! Ellie's planning on putting together a worship team for the songs. So Koda, maybe you can try playing the drums."

Julia's gaze collided with Wynn's as they turned to stare at Lexi.

"Where are we going to get drums? And who's going to teach me?" Koda asked skeptically. Wynn's expression echoed his own doubts.

Lexi flipped her hair back confidently and stated, "Ellie will teach you."

Elliott, who had been quietly sitting back, his long legs sprawled out before him, looked up at the mention of his name.

"You play drums?"

"Sure," Lexi answered for him, her smile unwavering.

Elliott held back a laugh at her utter confidence in him. "Sure," he echoed slowly.

"And the drum set?"

Lexi nodded towards Wynn. "Don't you have a couple back at your place?"

"They're not mine."

"Can we borrow them?"

"We'll have to ask Mudd."

Julia thought Dan played the drums, but didn't say anything. She wasn't going to ask Mudd that was for sure. He intimidated her to no end.

Lexi smiled again. "I'll ask him."

Julia gaped as Lexi pulled out her cell phone and scrolled down her phonebook until she found his name. When in the world did she get Mudd's phone number? Knowing Lexi, Julia shouldn't have been surprised. But she still was.

"Hey," Lexi said when he picked up. "Can we borrow your drum set? For, Wynn's youth group, we're putting on a musical." Julia stared stunned, as Lexi threw her head back and laughed loudly at something Mudd said. Julia couldn't imagine him cracking a joke. "Cool, thanks. Awesome, you're the best!" Then she clicked her phone shut and gave Wynn her most winsome smile, "All taken care of!"

Even though Julia was certain Koda and the rest of the youth group had no idea who Mudd was and how menacing and unapproachable he could be, they were still impressed with Lexi's confidence. The mood within the group changed then, she could feel it. It was as if Lexi's certainty and belief that this daunting musical project was possible gave them hope, and her excitement was contagious.

Grabbing hold of the optimistic turn of events, Wynn called the group into a circle, and they began the first read through the script.

Afterwards, Wynn led a discussion about what the skit meant, and how it related with the Christmas story. The difference in Wynn's voice was noticeable. It was full of conviction and passion. He seemed excited and engaged. As he spoke, Julia looked around the circle, and saw how each pair of eyes lit up in anticipation of the weeks to come, it was like a spark crackling and jumping from one person to another. Lexi had been right, this was Wynn's forte. This was the Wynn they had met at the beach bonfire, the one with a clear sense of purpose and direction and spoke truth like a sharpened double-edged sword.

* * *

"Are you going to stay up late again tonight to type up your journals?" Lexi asked Julia as the girls got ready for bed.

Julia glanced at her laptop and shook her head.

"No, not tonight."

She walked past the stacked boxes holding her journals and didn't feel the pull to bury her past. For tonight she was happy just being in the present.

* * *

Monday morning was smothered in grey fog. The blurry light from outside glowed half-heartedly through the thin curtain draped across the window, as Julia reached to turn off pull her iPod from its alarm clock attachment, and switched to headphones so as not to disturb Lexi from her sleep. Julia loved waking up to Matt Redman's mellow acoustic worship songs. Padding over the cold floor to the closet, she ran her hand thoughtfully over her clothes. With the California beach weather it was always hard to tell how the day would turn out, it rarely adhered to the rules of the season. For all she knew, by the time classes were done the fog could have given way to a sunny and warm afternoon despite it being mid-October. Although sure she wouldn't need it, Julia grabbed a light sweater, her knapsack and headed out the door.

After her last morning class, Julia was disheartened to find the air colder than usual. There was a definite bite in the nippy wind that blew mercilessly across the campus. Her sweater barely mustered any protection against its frigid battering. Wondering if Lexi and Elliott had made it out to the beach for another class field trip despite the waves must've being high today, Julia decided to wait for their phone call in the library instead of the courtyard for lunch.

She was deep in the middle of reading her Biology textbook, fascinated by how human genes and physical and mental makeup can be found in such small molecules, when she felt someone leaning over her shoulder. With a gasp, Julia pulled away and looked up to see a mischievous grin on Wynn's face.

"Sorry," he laughed at her reaction. "I tried coughing earlier to get your attention, but those," he squinted at the diagram shown on the page she was poring over, "DNAs must be a really fascinating read."

"How long have you been standing here?" Julia asked, feeling self-conscious. She looked around but Wynn was alone.

He laughed again. "I was studying over there," he gestured towards a set of cubicles against the wall of windows. Julia stared at the hard rain lashing against the row of trees outside, the water pouring down the glass panes, the skies had darkened to a wet and somber black.

"When did it start raining?"

Wynn laughed again and shook his head. "You have some serious concentration skills."

Feeling disorientated, Julia glanced at her cell phone and noticed the time. "It's almost two? I wonder what happened to Lexi and Elliott."

Wynn shifted around while she checked her messages and shoved her textbook back into her bag with her free hand. Recently Elliott had gotten into the habit of charging Lexi's cell phone every night before leaving their dorm room. Putting her phone away, Julia stood up and he said, "I'm headed over to Brooks now, I could drop you off at your dorm."

"Oh, thanks. But, no, I'll be ok."

He gave her light clothing a skeptical look but didn't say anything.

"Do you usually study down here?" Julia asked him as they walked up the stairwell of the Science Library towards the main entrance.

"Yeah, no one ever comes here, so it's nice and quiet."

Julia silently agreed. Lexi preferred to go to the Main Library, where they could barely ever find a table to sit at. Julia had a suspicious that Lexi went there more to find people to hang out with between classes rather than to study.

Pushing open the glass doors, Wynn leaned against it to let her through. The second she stepped outside she was completely drenched. Wynn chuckled at her forlorn expression and gave her a nudge.

"C'mon, this way," he said and lightly pulled her arm along as he began a brisk jog towards the student parking lot. "Watch out for those puddles," he called back to her as they dodged their way pass the tall science buildings.

The water fell down in sheets, and by the time Wynn managed to unlock his car doors, Julia practically flooded his car with the amount of water she brought in. He reached over to grab her bag and tossed it onto the back seat. Leaning in between the two seats, he pulled out a beach towel from the rear, and handed it over to her. Julia wringed out her long hair as much as she could then offered the now wet towel back to him. He scrubbed his hair and face roughly then shook his head like a dog, making his hair stand up slightly. He peeked over the towel catching her watching him and gave her an incongruous expression making her laugh.

"Better?" Julia teased him.

He tossed the towel behind him and started the engine then quipped, "By the way, thanks for fogging up my windows."

Julia bit back a smile but didn't respond.

"So what do you have planned for this week?" he asked conversationally, as he took the inner roads back around to her dormitory.

"Usual, classes. Chloe mentioned she has a piano competition this Saturday that I really want to attend, but I think it's pretty far away."

Wynn nodded. "She's been competing in those ever since she was a little kid. Do you know where it's at?"

"She emailed the information to me."

"I have some errands to run in the morning, but if it's in the afternoon, I can drive you."

Her heart sped up. "I think it starts around three, but I need to double-check."

"Cool. Forward me the details."

Julia stared at him in wonder. He glanced at her as he pulled into the cul-de-sac behind her building.

"What?"

"Thanks. I really mean it. I think Chloe will really appreciate you coming out to support her like this."

Wynn looked away and nodded. "It's no big deal."

Julia flashed him her most grateful smile then opened the passenger side door. She waved as his taillights pulled away from the curb, and the rain continued to pour down over her. She had never loved this cold, black rain as much as she did at this moment.

* * *

The rest of the week seemed to roll right on by, not remarkable enough for Julia to give it her full attention, her only sight set on the weekend to come. She had emailed Wynn about Chloe's competition, and he had sent back a short reply confirming it. There was a short break mid-week, when her day slowed to a crawl in anticipation of seeing Wynn during the A.A.C.F.'s meeting. But he was sitting at the back sound booth as usual, and she didn't get a chance to talk to him with all the other upperclassmen crowding around him afterwards. Other than a brief smile and nod, they didn't have any contact. Lexi and Elliott were getting to know the other freshmen in their fellowship pretty well, and Julia ended up following them to Beans afterwards, turning down Geoff's offer to go out with him and his friends, which a disappointed Julia assumed included Wynn.

Friday arrived at last, and even Elliott began noticing Julia's jitters. He was in his usual sprawled out position on Lexi's bed, guitar in his arms, head thrown back staring at the ceiling, fingers lazily strumming out the same no-name melodic tune he couldn't seem to get out of his head. Lexi was at her desk downloading the songs she claimed were her favorites this week on to her iPod. Although Lexi had a revolving list of artists and genres that tended to grow and change as time went on, her current obsession was the band called The Fray.

Julia had tried to get as much of her reading assignments out of the way, but to no avail. Everything distracted her. It was the most unproductive morning, as she flitted back and forth around the room, unable to settle her mind down enough to accomplish anything. Sighing, Julia wander to the closet to change her outfit for the third time.

Lexi whirled around in her chair and said exasperatedly, "Lia, can you please stop moving around. What is wrong with you?"

"It's Friday," Elliott murmured cryptically from the bed. Julia threw him a quizzical look, did he know? He caught the question in her eyes and hid his smile. But he chose to ignore her and went back to his strumming.

Mercifully the next half hour finally ran its course and Julia was soon happily strapped into her new favorite car, and weaving through the heavy rain towards Leavesly Church. They were in for a couple surprises this night.

Lexi was helping Elliott set up the drum set Mudd had let them borrow on the stage, and Julia was seated on the piano beach waiting for Chloe to arrive, when the double doors of the sanctuary flew open and Vangy and Pamela burst in surrounded by a posse of giggling girls.

"We brought our friends!" Vangy announced as she led the group skipping down the aisle to the stage.

"Can they join our Christmas play? Please?" Pamela begged as she ran up to Wynn.

"Sure, anyone is welcomed to join!" Lexi answered for him, clearly excited about the sudden growth of their youth group.

"Whoa, hold on a second," Wynn said, and motioned to talk privately with Lexi. As he walked by, he reached out to snag the sleeve of Julia's sweater and tugged her along as well.

"What's wrong," Lexi said defensively once they reached the far end of the room.

"We can't let just anyone be in the skit," Wynn stated.

"Why? It's fun, it's the holidays. Parents will love it."

"This is their first time coming to our church, how do we even know we're going to see them again? We don't know their commitment level. We don't even know if they know who Jesus is. How can they be sharing a story about God when they don't understand the meaning behind it?"

"So we teach them about God, we explain to them the purpose of putting on this skit, the reason we celebrate Christmas. I mean, we want more people to come out to church right?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they can just join the performance."

Lexi sighed. "I don't understand what the big deal it. None of us are professionals. We didn't make any of the kids audition. If they want to go up on stage and sing a couple Christmas carols, what's the harm?"

Wynn looked at Julia, who had remained quiet throughout the exchange.

"What do you think?"

Julia looked at Lexi then back at Wynn. She could see where both of them were coming from. "Well," she began slowly, trying to find the right words. "I think we should make sure they're committed to becoming part of the youth group. You know make sure they'll show up to rehearsals and also to go through Wynn's lessons so they understand the purpose why we're putting on this skit. It doesn't matter how God brought them to church, we just need to make sure we do our part in teaching them about Him."

"Alright," Lexi beamed, "I'll explain it to them," and whirled around to rejoin the cluster of girls giggling and trying to eavesdrop in on their conversation.

Julia peeked at Wynn. He had that same unreadable expression on his face. As he walked away, he said in a low voice, "Do me a favor and get down their email addresses? And we should get some sort of contact sheet set up."

Julia nodded and made a note of it.

Chapter Nine

Julia woke up wide-eyed to the soft pitter patter of raindrops outside the window.

"What time is it?" Lexi mumbled groggily from under her thick comforter when her roommate stumbled out of bed.

"Six-thirty."

Lexi groaned and buried herself deeper into her mountain of blankets.

Slipping on her earphones, Julia tucked her iPod into the drawstring of her pajama pants, and moved to her closet, swaying to One Republic as she rummaged through her overstuffed wardrobe, pushing the wooden racks methodically, searching for the right outfit.

She managed to concentrate enough to study for her Biology midterm, and by the time Lexi woke up and Elliott wandered over to their room his hair rumpled from sleep, it had stopped drizzling outside.

"You're out of food," Elliott announced, as he shook the box of Kix he grabbed from above the mini-fridge.

"What? There were still some left the last I checked," Lexi grumbled, never having been a morning person. She tossed her hairbrush aside to examine the evidence. Taking the box from Elliott, she rattled it around until some dust crumbs and a small handful of round yellow cereal puffs rolled out. "See?"

Elliott gave her a look that said "are you kidding me?" then shrugged and reached over to grab the leftover puffs from her hand.

"Hey!" Lexi balked as he scooped them into his mouth, "Share!"

Julia laughed and grabbed her keys. "C'mon, it stopped raining. Let's go to Beans and get some real food."

The day continued to brighten up, so after breakfast at their favorite coffee shop, the three friends made their familiar trek up to Staten Lighthouse. The stoic white tower stood like a beacon on the edge of the cliffs like a safe haven above the grey and turbulent crashing waves below. Julia quicken her pace, guiding her rusty bike up the path ignoring the sporadic splashes of water from the muddy puddles that sprayed the bottom of her dark blue jeans as she pedaled.

"So what time is Wynn picking you up tonight," Lexi asked as they leaned their bikes against the stone ledge that wrapped around the base of the light house.

"You're going on a date with him?"

"No, it's not a date," Julia clarified to Elliott. "He's just giving me a ride to Chloe's piano competition."

"So can we come along?"

Lexi hit Elliott in the arm, and he laughed and rubbed it.

"What? It's not a date, right?" He gave Julia a teasing yet skeptical look. Julia knew Elliott liked music, but she also knew he wouldn't willingly volunteer to sit through a high school piano competition.

Calling his bluff, she said, "Sure, if you want."

"Cool, what time? Ow," he winced when Lexi hit him harder. "What? I just think she'll need a chaperon," his words marred with laughter as he sidestepped Lexi's attempt to give him another punch.

"Oh, look, Ellie! Sedimentary rocks!"

Julia laughed at Elliott's perplexed expression at Lexi's abrupt change of focus. But he quickly shifted gears, familiar with the fact that she was easily distracted.

Lexi turned to Julia and explained, "For our Earth Science class we're supposed to find four types of sedimentary rocks, like, sandstone, amber, limestone, and... what was the last one?"

"Anthracite," Elliott filled in for her.

"Right! C'mon, Ellie, let's go collect some," she suggested and they wandered off towards the edge of the cliff, singing, "Extra credit, here we come!"

* * *

If there had been any doubts about the night being a date, Wynn's appearance later that evening chased any lingering confusions away. Dressed casually in jeans, a dark brown shirt and jacket, he looked the same as he did any other day, no flowers or super gelled-back hair or flirty smiles.

He leaned against the door frame, surveying their room. Sitting cross legged in the middle of the room was Lexi with bright pink, green, and yellow flash cards surrounding her like Saturn's rings orbiting the planet. Lying on her bed was Elliott, his long arms dangling over the edge trying to help her sort out the conjugated verbs and vocabulary cards they had made to cram for their Spanish mid-term exam.

"Hey," they both greeted him, barely looking up from the complex schematic they were attempting to create.

"Ready?" he asked Julia as she slipped her wool coat over the knit turtleneck sweater and fresh pair of jeans, the mud splattered ones she had worn earlier that day to the lighthouse were now discarded in the laundry basket.

"Ready."

She took a deep breath, avoided Lexi's gaze in case she was throwing any subliminal messages, and followed Wynn out the door.

* * *

Too many hours later, Julia was back in Wynn's car exiting the parking structure of Copley Symphony Hall in downtown San Diego where the competition had taken place. In front of them was Chloe's parent's red minivan pulling on to the freeway ramp.

"I'm so sorry," Julia said for the fourth time since exiting the concert hall.

Wynn gave her an amused look. "Stop apologizing, it's fine."

They had unsuccessfully begged off Chloe's parents' invitation to join their family for dinner. Chloe's mom especially was very intent on expressing her gratitude by refusing to let her daughter's youth group leaders head back home unfed.

As Wynn turned in to the shopping plaza where the Royal Dragon Palace Chinese restaurant was located, Julia struggled with the need to apologize again. She seriously hoped he had accompanied her to the concert today because he wanted to hear Chloe compete. If not, she owed him big time. It seemed that every single musically competent teenager from southern California perform one classical song after another, until they started sounding like one continuous background drone.

_God, I do care about Chloe. But please don't ever have me sit though another tortuous evening like this_ , Julia had desperately thought on and off throughout the event. On top of that, she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt every time she glanced over at Wynn and saw his glazed over bored expression.

The only highlight was when Chloe's name was called and she walked confidently up to the stage.

From that moment Julia knew Chloe was going to be good. The girl who walked up those steps and sat down before the grand piano was a different girl from the one who moped around in the background on Friday nights.

Yet as the first couple of notes were played, Julia was seriously stunned. Chloe was really talented. The baroque concerto "Four Seasons" by Vivaldi, that Julia was positive thirty other kids played right before her, resonated throughout the large auditorium. But more than that, she brought it to life, building on her crescendos to an intensified climax then masterfully pulling back into a blithely exuberant melody. Her technique demonstrated her skills in showing the contrast between the different sections without losing the flow of the piece.

After her applause died down, Julia had turned to Wynn and whispered, "I wonder why she doesn't play like that at church?"

"You should ask her," he said, then grimaced when the next contestant headed up the platform. The good news was Chloe's name was announced at the end of the program as one of the selected pianist to qualify for the regional competition in January.

During dinner, which included platter after platter of succulent lobster, crab, shrimp and oyster, Julia managed to talk to Chloe a little bit while her parents and sister vied for Wynn's attention.

"You played really good," Julia complimented her, as a waiter approached their table to clear away some empty plates only to add more heaping piles of vegetables platters to it.

"Thanks for sitting through that," Chloe laughed, in between bites of her garlic smothered scallops. "I know it's not the most exciting way to spend your day."

_Why don't you play that way at church_ , Julia wanted to ask but couldn't make herself say it without feeling like it was insulting Chloe's prior piano playing during fellowship nights. How did people like Wynn and Lexi manage to be so honest without apologizing for it?

Thankfully she was relieved of the dilemma when Chloe said, "Can you imagine if I played that way at church?"

Seizing the opportunity, Julia quickly asked, "Why don't you?"

Chloe laughed like she was joking. When she realized Julia wasn't, she shrugged and said, "And have Koda and the others tease me even more? He already thinks it's lame that I play the piano so much. Anyways, I don't know the songs we sing at church well enough to know what they're supposed to sound like."

"What do you mean?"

She thought for a moment then said, "With the Vivaldi piece I played today, I've listened to that song so many times before I even learned how to play it. So I already knew what it was supposed to sound like."

"So you're playing more from auditory memory than from actually reading the notes?"

"I guess so."

_Interesting_ , Julia thought. She looked up to Wynn watching her. He smiled as if to say "I see you got your answer." But before Julia could respond, he once again turned his head away as Chloe's mom drew him back into their conversation.

* * *

By the time Julia arrived back on campus, it was past nine. Switching on the light revealed a note left by Lexi saying she and Elliott were down at the laundry room. Julia stuffed her share of the cartons of leftover Chinese food that Chloe's parents had generously insisted she and Wynn take back with them into the mini fridge.

Sitting at her desk, she flipped open her laptop and did a quick search before downloading the worship songs she knew Elliott liked and tended to play. By the time Lexi and Elliott returned with two large loads of all their fresh smelling laundry, Julia had a compilation of songs burned on to a CD ready to give Chloe the next day at church.

Chapter Ten

November brought with it a festive feeling with the leaves turning orange and red, and surprisingly the rain storm passed and there were a couple more weeks of sunshine to enjoy. It didn't do much to warm the day but was a nice change from the constant wetness. Julia was now going to bed every night with thick fuzzy socks, and Lexi had unearthed her well-worn Hello Kitty slippers from one of her boxes and unashamedly padded around the common area of their dormitory suite in them.

On the calendar above Julia's desk, there were two big Leavesly Church events scrawled out with her favorite green marker. They highlighted the last couple of weeks before heading back home for Thanksgiving weekend: the first being the youth group's outreach event at the downtown Homeless Shelter, and the second was a pre-Thanksgiving dinner at Wynn's parents' home.

"We'll be going to a Homeless Shelter," Wynn had explained to the youth group. "We can't do much in one visit, but when we're there I want you to see them through God's eyes, to look past the ragged clothes or dirty faces. Remember God loves them, He knows each one, what they've been through, all the good and bad, their hurt, their loss, their need, their sin, yet still loving them because He created them. This is why He came to earth, to save us, to redeem us, to make us whole again, to give us hope. This is why we celebrate His birth on Christmas."

"Do we have to talk to them?" Pamela had asked, looking nervous.

"If you want to talk to them, you can. But if you don't know what to say, it's ok. Sometimes actions speak louder than words."

* * *

The Saturday before Thanksgiving, the youth group gathered in the parking lot of Leavesly Church. They stood in a circle holding hands praying for their trip to the downtown Homeless Shelter. Vangy and Pamela's friends had continued to show up on Friday nights, some even showing up on Sunday mornings. Shep had also begun bringing out two guys from his high school basketball team to youth group. Splitting everyone into cars, with some of the high school senior guys also driving, they were soon caravanning down the 805 freeway.

These days the sun was setting a lot earlier, and although not yet five the sky was a brilliant blend of scarlet and gold. As the tall skyscrapers shot up around them, they pulled off the highway ramp and entered into the congested and crowded downtown. It was a strange contrast of the glistening and grand office buildings that during the day was bustling with up-and-coming businessmen and entrepreneurs and the affluent leaders, but during the night crawled with the destitute, the hungry and needy. How did society tolerate the disparity?

They pulled into the uneven driveway of the shelter which was located between to warehouses. The two-story nondescript square building was painted a vibrant green with thick bushes of shrubbery. A small fenced in open yard in the front, and what looked to be a sizeable vegetable garden along the left side of the building. There were several people loitering around the building, dressed in various layers of rough clothing, their expressions hooded and apathetic.

The group slowly exited their cars and Wynn walked up to the person leaning against the gate door of the fence. "Hey, bro, how's it going?"

Julia was surprised at how young he was, no older than twenty, dressed in layers of dirty clothes. His eyes which had been downcast as if purposely acting disinterested in their arrival, looked up cautiously and replied in a gravely voice, "It's alright, I suppose."

Wynn nodded and said, "I'm Wynn, these are my friends. We're looking for Kent and Barb Larsen, would you know where they are?"

"I'll show you," the young man mumbled, running a slow hand over his sandy brown hair and pushed off the railing, unlatched the opening.

The somber group filed into the yard and followed after him towards the open door, smiling courteously at the others lingering around. Julia was once again startled at how young most of the people at the shelter were.

The room inside was painted a calming sky-blue and sturdy wooden tables and chairs were placed neatly in rows for optimal room. The room smelled of a mixture of soiled bodies, disinfectant, and fragrant beef and vegetable stew. A clamor of activity could be heard from the backroom, the open doorframe that led to what Julia supposed was the kitchen and the eating area was separated only by a red and white checkered curtain pushed off to one side, the actual door having been removed.

Lexi ushered the youth kids into the room, with Elliott and Shep bringing up the rear. The moment they stepped inside, a tall blonde woman in her thirties strode purposefully through the kitchen doorway, carrying a tray full of warm freshly baked bread, the stream still wafting above the loafs permeating the room with its buttery homey aroma.

"Hi!" she said, caught off guard by their presence.

"There's Barb," the young man who had led them in announced in his rusty voice.

Setting the tray down on the closest table, the woman came forward with a welcoming smile, her arm outstretched. Wynn quickly met her halfway, shaking her hand.

"You must be Wynn Yoshida," Barb said. "We talked on the phone."

"Yeah, thanks for having us."

"Thank you," she replied sincerely, and gave them a big smile. "We're just setting up here, the food's hot and ready in the kitchen," and in quick order began assigning everyone various tasks.

Lexi took some of the teenagers into the kitchen with her to ladle up the food, and Julia and Chloe began setting up the beverage counter with mugs for coffee, juice, and iced water, readying the tall pitchers for easy access. Some of the guys followed Wynn and Elliott outside to talk with the people straggling in for a hot meal. They spent the next two hours serving food and drinks to whoever wandered in.

Kent Larsen, Barb's husband, was also in his mid-thirties, and was a calm but strong presence. He had thick red hair and an imposing stature, but his eyes were kind. It was clear the people who frequented this shelter respected him by their subtle show of deference towards him and his wife.

After the meal, Julia and her friends helped Kent and Barb store away the leftover food, and scrubbed the dishes and wiped down the tables. Her arms were sore and shaking from weariness by the end of the meal, but Julia was proud of the youth group kids. They had pitched in and worked hard without complaining or shirking from duty.

They followed Kent and Barb as they went outside to the courtyard where a scattered group of people still hung around the shelter. Kent pulled out his guitar and sat in one of the chairs while a small crowd of people gathered around listening, one man pulled out a deck of cards and more people sat down for a game.

"Colin, no gambling," Kent reminded him firmly.

Julia recognized Colin to be the one Wynn had talked to when they had first arrived.

He raised his hands in mock surrender and grumbled gruffly, "Your turf, Sarge." But he shoved his crumbled and half-empty carton of cigarettes back into his jacket pocket. Wynn and Shep pulled up chairs to join Colin's no stakes card game.

Lexi and Elliott sat with Kent as he began singing the younger girls huddled around Lexi like she was their mother hen. One man in dirty overalls over a puffy insulated vest and no shirt on underneath began clapping his large and scabbed hands, dancing and singing his own version of the lyrics in a loud voice to no one in particular. None of their youth group kids laughed at the odd spectacle. They tried hard not to stare, silently keeping their wide eyes glued on Kent.

One of the girls caught Julia's attention. She trailed behind Barb barefooted, complaining about being robbed of her socks and shoes the night before. Barb was preoccupied with a man who had suffered from a superficial stabbing a couple nights ago and needed his bandages changed.

The shoeless girl met Julia's eye and slowly made her way over to sit in the chair next to hers, a longsuffering sigh escaping her chapped lips, her clothing smelled of stale alcohol and urine.

"Want to let me borrow your shoes?" the girl asked Julia.

"Oh, um," she stammered.

Barb overheard and called over, "Julie, I think I can find you a pair from our back room. Just wait a sec."

Julie.

Her heart clenched and she wondered about her story. How did she end up on the streets? She was so young even under all that makeup, maybe even the same age as herself.

"Don't bother," Julie answered Barb with a twinge of disdain in her voice. "None of those shoes fit, too big. Anyways, I've always wanted a pair of Mary-Janes."

The way Julie was staring at her, almost with a sneer, unsettled her. And Julia blurted out, "How did you lose your shoes?"

"I lost them. I mean, somebody stole it," Julie divulged, her hazel eyes flashed indignantly for a fleeting moment, then faded away as she slumped dejectedly back on her chair. "I don't know who," she lowered her voice and said, "so many guys come and go, it's hard to keep track, you know?"

How awful.

"Did you run away from home?"

The girl snorted, "Home? What's that?"

Julia didn't know what to say, but at that moment Barb reappeared from the back room with what must of have the smallest pair of shoes she could find. But Julie was right. They were still too big for her.

She got up then and moved to sidle up next to one of the men playing cards at Colin's table, her laughter raspy and desperate. Julia's heart broke for her as she watched her try to gain his attention. He responded by mindlessly pawing at her shrunken form covered in soiled and ill-fitting clothing while he kept his eyes on the ratty cards in his hands.

It took Julia a few minutes to realize Wynn was packing up their group, bidding good-bye to Kent, Barb, and the people they had met at the shelter. Lexi came up next to Julia and linked her arm protectively through hers, pulling her to her feet and towards the door.

The rain began pouring before they reached the freeway, and Julia worried about the girl and her bare feet. The rain beat down hard on the roof of the car and Julia understood a measure of the heart of God.

_He's crying for these people, I'm sure of it,_ she thought as she pressed her head against the car window and water streamed down its pane.

* * *

Sunday afternoon after worship service at Leavesly Church, Julia approached Wynn and said, "Can you bring me back to the Homeless Shelter?"

"Right now?"

Julia nodded, "If you're not busy."

He was silent for a moment, and Julia wondered if he was running through his list of things to do. She shouldn't have asked. He must have tons of studying to do for midterms and everything. But he surprised her by saying, "Any specific reason?"

"There was a girl, who lost her shoes. And I figure with the rain and cold she'll need a pair that fits properly."

Wynn glanced at the bag she was holding. "What's in there?"

Julia opened it to reveal its content.

"You're giving away your shoes?"

"I would've given them to her last night but then I would have no shoes. But that thought has been bothering me ever since. I should've just done it. She has to walk barefoot in the rain, why can't I?"

Wynn considered this then said, "Alright, let's go."

Julia went to find Lexi and Elliott, who were deep in a conversation with Shep and Koda concerning cell phones. During their last Earth Science field trip out to the beach, Elliott accidentally lost his iPhone in the water and was looking to replace it.

"Actually, we were planning on checking out some phones this afternoon," Lexi explained to Julia when she told them about wanting to go back to the shelter.

"I can give you a ride," Koda said, surprising all of them with his offer. "There's an Apple store near my home."

"Any chance there's a Verizon store nearby?" Elliott said. "I want to check out the Droid."

"What?" Shep balked. "You're making the switch?"

"Uh, oh," Koda laughed. "You just awakened the dragon. Shep is a hard core Apple's man."

"Ok," Julia said, pulling Lexi off to the side as the boys continued their somewhat heated debate over phones. "So you guys are good with getting a ride back to campus?"

Lexi laughed, "We'll be fine. I'm excited! This is our first non-church bonding experience with the youth group guys!" Julia smiled as Lexi hurried back to rejoin the bantering.

Less than half an hour later, Julia found herself back in front of the Homeless Shelter. In daylight the building looked small and stark. The courtyard was empty and the front door locked. They were about to pull away when someone banged on the passenger side window.

Julia recognized him immediately. "Hi, Colin," she said as she lowered the window. "Is Kent and Barb around?"

He shook his head. "They have church then have family dinner on Sundays."

"Would you happen to know where we could find Julie?"

He shrugged and said, "Maybe Balboa Park or the marina?"

They checked the marina first, driving up and down the crowded streets. Then they headed towards Balboa Park and circled around the edge of the large block. Even with the bad weather there were still people milling around on the streets, but none of them were the girl they were looking for.

As they circled back around and the freeway entrance appeared, Wynn glanced over at her and said, "I don't think we're going to find her."

Julia sighed despondently. She had figured as much.

"Ready to head back home?

Julia nodded slowly, "it's just," she began then trailed off.

"What?"

"We have the same name," Julia said softly as way of explanation.

She heard Wynn let out a deep breath then she gasped as the car spun around in an unexpected u-turn away from the on ramp. A few minutes later he parked along the street and said, "We won't be able to find her driving around. She's probably seeking shelter in the park."

It was wet and windy and cold, but Julia refused to complain. She wasn't the one who had to spend the night outdoors. She was starting to give up hope when she spotted the familiar-looking girl.

"Julie!"

The girl halted and turned around, looking ready to flee at any moment.

"I have something for you," she continued to call out as she quickened her pace, with Wynn keeping in step besides her. As they drew near, recognition dawned on her face but she still seemed baffled at why two strangers would come looking for her in the middle of a rain storm.

"Where are you headed?" Julia asked her as they stopped in front of the girl they had been searching for. "We can drive you there? Somewhere warm and out of this rain?"

She looked distrustfully at them and mumbled, "I'm fine."

_Let me help you,_ Julia wanted to say, but the words stuck in her throat. She knew she was limited in what she could do to fix this young girl's situation. _But God can help you._ Again Julia hesitated, memories of Lexi fumbling over the Gospel message when she tried to share about her faith with Stan trampled across her mind. The urge to say something, to somehow point her in the right direction, towards God, burned inside of her. But fear and self-consciousness overwhelmed her, holding her back.

Instead Julia held out the bag she had been clutching, and said, "Here, I brought something for you."

"What is it?"

"Shoes and a bag of socks."

Hesitantly, she reached out and took the bag. "You came all the way back here to give me this?"

Julia nodded.

"You're crazy," was all she said as she took the shoes and slipped them on her blistered and mud streaked feet, stuffing the bag of socks in her overcoat pocket. Without much of a backward glance, she turned and walked away disappearing behind a cluster of trees.

Once she was out of sight, Wynn glanced down at Julia and grinned. "You are crazy," he said but his usually guarded expression slipped. They walked back to his car and Julia couldn't help but smile.

* * *

Late Wednesday evening, Julia was on a flight back home to spend Thanksgiving with her parents. Lexi and Elliott sat in the seats next to her sharing earphones connected to Lexi's iPod. The cramped quarters forced Elliott to sprawl his long legs out into the middle aisle. But he didn't seem to mind, too happy about playing with his new Droid phone.

Julia leaned back on the seat and stared out the black window speckled with twinkling city lights as the airplane gradually rose higher and higher into the sky. Grateful for some private time to think about what had taken place just a few hours ago, she let her mind race backwards to earlier that night.

It was the first time she'd been to Wynn's childhood home. His parents had wanted to express their gratitude for their service at Leavesly Church by inviting them over for dinner. Julia was fairly familiar with his parents, seeing them every Sunday since working with the youth group. Their home reflected their relaxed and welcoming personalities.

The neighborhood was older, unlike the newer pre-planned community Julia lived in with the identical tract homes crammed up close next to each other. The trees that lined the quiet street was as wide in variety as the styles and colors of each home that sat generously spaced out from each other.

Inside, the eclectic collection of furniture was worn in and comfortable. A crowded row of framed photographs were proudly displayed above the huge fireplace in the main room. Floor to ceiling bookshelves overflowing with stacks of books, commentaries, and several old sets of Encyclopedias. A board of an unfinished game of chess and several folded pages of newspaper lay on top of the coffee table.

Wynn's parents served their guests tea and sliced Fuji apple pears, wearing coordinating aprons. Pastor Yoshida's had the words "Sir Loin" printed on it with a picture of a huge steaming juicy steak displayed in the middle. His wife's apron said "Too Hot to Handle." Little chili peppers covered the front.

Lexi couldn't stop giggling over the aprons. Finally she blurted out, "Ok, there has to be a good story behind those aprons."

Wynn smirked, while his mom explained, "Wynn bought these for us for Christmas a couple years ago."

From his mother's innocent expression, Julia wondered if his parents understood the implied meaning behind the cute prints. But she soon learned not to underestimate them.

Turning to her son, Mrs. Yoshida said, "Wynn, would you like to bring your friends to the dining room? Dinner will be ready very soon."

"Oh, we can help!" Lexi offered, following Wynn's parents back into the kitchen.

Julia was about to bring the bowl of garden salad and homemade Miso dressing after them, when Pastor Yoshida beckoned Wynn over to help him take the turkey out of the oven.

With his back towards her, Wynn slipped a third apron off the hook on the wall next to the refrigerator and tied the strings behind his back. There was sesame buns smattered all over the white apron. He glanced behind his shoulder and saw her waiting to see what was printed across the front of his apron.

Lexi and Elliott ambled back in at that moment, and there was this brief look of comical reluctance on Wynn's face before he slowly turned around.

"'Kiss the cook, but don't touch the buns'," Lexi read off the caption written in bright red, and threw her head back to laugh loudly.

There was a twinkle in Pastor Yoshida's eyes as he said, "To return the favor." Then he said to his son in an overly nonchalant voice, "Wynn, you'll need your oven mitts. The turkey is hot."

With a suppressed groan, Wynn reached into a drawer and pulled out two oven mitts, with oversized buns attached to them.

"A matching set," his mom beamed at Julia proudly, and they had a good laugh over it.

"Where in the world did you find these?" Lexi laughed, moving in to admire them.

"My mom made them," Wynn grinned, throwing one arm around his mom, who was a foot shorter than him and gazed up at her son with adoration in her eyes.

The food was a delicious fusion of traditional Thanksgiving feast and homemade Asian recipes. The conversation flowed effortlessly throughout the meal, and Julia marveled at how open and easy to talk Wynn's parents were, so different from her own. The only awkward moment was when Wynn's dad hinted at his desire for his son to follow in his steps.

"The parents are so happy about the changes in their children after the three of you began working with the youth group," Wynn's mom had praised the guests.

Lexi deferred the compliment back to her son saying, "It's Wynn, he's a natural born leader."

"No, I'm a terrible public speaker," Wynn said.

"Not everyone leads by speaking," Lexi insisted. She turned to his parents and said, "The kids love him. He's passionate about God and it shows."

Wynn's dad beamed proudly at her assessment, and said, "See, Wynn? Didn't I tell you, you have the characteristics of a pastor?"

Wynn's face changed at that comment, but he tried to hide it, while his mom shifted uncomfortably in her seat from across the table.

"David," she said softly to her husband, a subtle warning in her voice.

It made Julia think back to the first time she's met Wynn. From their brief conversation at the beach bonfire, she had wondered about Wynn's conflict of pursuing a career in media.

Pastor Yoshida sat back, his posture frustrated but surrendered for the moment, knowing this wasn't the time to bring up whatever it was he and Wynn didn't agree about. Lexi launched into a safe and funny anecdote about one of their Christmas rehearsals gone wrong. Soon the awkward moment was forgotten.

After dinner they crowded back in the cramped but cozy kitchen with its counters overflowing with sweet yam pie, yellow egg custards, and sugared red bean soup filled with tiny white and pink mochi balls for dessert. Elliott was busy stuffing his mouth with the golden flaky crust of the custard, while Lexi spooned the steaming sweet soup into small colorful ceramic bowls.

"Wynn, bring your friends back to the dining room, they're supposed to be our guests," his mom scolded him lightly. She picked up the tray of bean soup Lexi had ladled and turned to exit the kitchen.

Wynn shrugged and motioned his hand towards the door in a halfhearted attempt to usher them back into the dining room.

The last one to leave the kitchen, Julia heard the oven timer beeped. Not wanting whatever was in the oven to burn she wavered for a moment then slipped her hands into Wynn's lumpy oven mitts. Julia hesitated, never feeling comfortable around anything that had to do with cooking. Taking a deep breath, she made herself reach into the scalding hot oven to pull out the hot tray of the caramelized fruit pie.

She wasn't sure what happened next exactly. She set the pie down on the counter careful to place it on top of a flat square pot holder then slipped the oven mitts off. Not finding any space on the counter to place them, Julia turned slightly to toss them on the counter behind her.

"There you are," Wynn said from the doorway. "Custard?" he grinned at her.

Julia smiled back at him as she took the yellow pastry from his hand. She was vaguely aware of a strange stench.

Then all of a sudden Wynn's eyes popped wide open.

"Watch out!"

Julia whirled around to see a blazing hot light flare up from the stove top where the large pot of red bean soup was still simmering.

"No!" Lexi yelled, appearing in the doorway with Elliott close behind her, "Lia's not allowed in the kitchen by herself!"

"But I wasn't cooking," Julia yelped, jumping back guiltily.

She ducked out of the way as Wynn leapt forward, grabbing the lid of a pot and slamming it over the fire to extinguish it.

"Lia is not allowed near any stoves or ovens," Lexi said very seriously.

Wynn removed the pot lid to reveal the culprit: a blackened scorched lump the shape of a large hand that had fallen over an open flame. Julia had burned Wynn's oven mitts, the one-of-a-kind funny buns his mom had attached to match his apron as part of their family's inside joke.

Leaning her head against the cool window in the airplane, Julia shuddered at the memory, the horror and embarrassment still too vivid. She blinked at the pitch blackness outside, the night so dark it revealed nothing then felt her face stretch involuntarily into a wide smile as her mind fast forwarded to the end of the evening.

"I'm so sorry, Wynn," she repeated for the hundredth time, at the airport.

Lexi and Elliott were already standing at the curb of the drop-off area in front of their airline, their suitcases already unloaded from the trunk of Wynn's Honda Element.

Wynn stopped to look at Julia from across the hood of his car. His guard dropped and he smiled. "Don't worry about it. You did me a huge favor tonight." Before he opened the car door, his expression back to its usual smirk, he said, "And one day, I'm going to have to hear the story about why you're restricted from cooking."

Chapter Eleven

It was a strange feeling coming back home after being away for three months. It was late and the neighborhood was dark except for the light of the moon shining down from above. The silence in the car, despite both her parents sitting in the front seats, made Julia miss Lexi and Elliott. It was ironic that she felt homesick for them even as she was pulling into the driveway of the house she had grown up in.

Julia followed mom's slight, straight-back figure into the house through the garage door. Her dad went around the car to take the luggage out of the trunk of his Mercedes Benz. Julia stepped into the quiet and spacious house its floral yet slightly sterile smell greeted her in a familiar way. Even though her family has lived here since she was a child, the furniture showed no wear, each room decorated to resemble the glossy pictures found in an Ethan Allen catalogue. All her childhood toys had long since been donated to charities. And instead of photographs of Julia in different stages of her life growing up, the walls displayed expensive oil paintings.

Her hand slid along the polished banister as she made her way wordlessly up the curved staircase towards her bedroom at the end of the long hallway. There was no point in calling down a "goodnight, talk to you more tomorrow." Her parents knew she was safely home. They knew she would still be here tomorrow when they woke up. Anything beyond that was unnecessary information.

Julia hadn't given much thought as to why her mom had found her journals, and then decided to FedEx them to her at college. But the moment she opened the door to her bedroom she understood. Her room had always seemed empty compared to Lexi's growing up since Julia's mom despised clutter. But this was a whole other level of clean. It was a museum.

Julia was surprised there weren't velvet ropes guarding the entrance of her room. All that was left was the expensive faux-antique furniture her mom had bought for her birthday back in the third grade. Everything else was gone.

Growing up in this cold home, her bedroom at least had been a refuge. It had been the only room she could personalize and create a space for herself. She had tacked up photographs and ticket stubs and a few posters as the years had gone by. But they had all been cleanly stripped away, a foreign and heavily embroidered wallpaper in its place. It matched the brand new duvet set on her four poster canopy bed.

There was a knock on the door, and Julia whirled around to find her dad standing at the doorway holding her suitcase and bag.

"Your mom fixed up your room," he said, his eyes scanning across the room slowly. Julia wondered what he saw, which differences he noticed. Even while she lived at home he didn't often come up to visit in her room. He paused, holding his daughter's gaze as if he wanted to communicate something important. After a moment he said simply, "She missed you."

Setting her things down, he turned and closed the door quietly behind him.

* * *

The next morning Julia woke up to complete silence. She wandered around the empty house wondering where her parents could possibly be. Wasn't everything closed on Thanksgiving?

She knew her parents were workaholics but who was going to make an appointment to see the dermatologist on Thanksgiving?

Julia was sitting at the kitchen counter eating a grapefruit and doing the Sudoku puzzle in the back of the newspaper when she heard the garage door rumble open. A minute later her mother walked in through the door dressed in a tennis outfit.

"Oh, Julia," her mother said as if surprised to see her home. "Sorry we weren't home when you woke up."

Julia frowned but barely glanced up at her. _Whatever, it's not like you were home when I woke up all the years I grew up here._

"Want me to make you an omelet?" her mother offered, but Julia just shook her head. She knew she was acting childish, but for some reason being back in her home brought back all those unhappy memories of loneliness and abandonment she felt as an adolescent.

"I'm going to make your dad a spinach and mushroom omelet, so it's no trouble," her mom added.

"Dad's not home."

"He's golfing. He'll be home soon."

"Wait, you both went to the club? Why didn't you just drive in the same car?"

Instead of answering her question, her mother opened the refrigerator door and began rummaging through the content before pulling out some fresh vegetables.

A few minutes later a steaming plate was set on the kitchen counter and her mother disappeared upstairs. The sound of the shower could be heard running upstairs, when the garage door rumbled for the second time and her dad entered the house.

"Mom made you an omelet," Julia said.

Her dad nodded and picked up the plate. "Are you done reading these pages?"

"You can take all of it," Julia sighed moodily, pushing the newspaper towards him. Her dad nodded again and tucked it under his arm before heading into the dining room to eat, clearly unaware that anything was amiss.

Julia was sitting at her desk, lazily surfing the web for lack of anything better to do when she heard a knock on her bedroom door.

"We'll return back home before dinner," her mother said, opening the door a crack.

"Where are you going?"

"To visit your aunt and uncle in San Francisco."

"Um, so what about me?"

Her mother looked at her blankly. "You don't like visiting your aunt and uncle. You always say there's nothing for you to do when we go."

"But you knew I was coming home for break. Did you have to schedule visiting them today?"

"Is there something you want to do?"

"I don't know, we could go shopping," Julia said, listing her mother's favorite hobby, "Or to a museum, or even browse the bookstore?"

"Everything's closed today."

Julia let out a frustrated sigh. "Ok, whatever, you could have asked me if I wanted to go play tennis with you this morning!"

"Did you want to play tennis? The club is closed, but we have the key to the tennis courts."

"No, I don't want to play by myself."

"Julia, I don't understand what it is you want."

She stared at her mom and suddenly felt very sad. No, she didn't understand. She never had.

"I don't know why I even came home."

"Is it better for you to spend Thanksgiving alone on campus?"

"Than what," Julia retorted, "To spend it alone at home?"

* * *

She ended up calling Lexi, who was in the middle of preparing an elaborate Thanksgiving dinner for her dad and the eclectic mix of people who would be showing up for the feast later that night. Ever since Julia could remember Lexi's family had the tradition of inviting the people from their church who didn't have anybody to celebrate Thanksgiving with to their home. It was a tradition Grammy Lois started, but Lexi kept it going.

Julia could remember a couple years when she was one of those misfit guests at their table. Her parents had chosen to go on vacation during the holiday since it was the only time they could take off from work. According to them, a cruise to Alaska or a trip to Venice were not fit for a little girl like her.

"Julia," her mother had tried to explain to her, "Mommy and daddy need a vacation. It's very hard work to open your own practice. You understand, right?"

But all Julia had understood was that her parents didn't want to spend their time off with her.

Pushing the bad memories away, she instead focused on the simple tasks Lexi gave her around the kitchen, like scrubbing the small brown potatoes, and adding the walnuts to the Waldorf salad.

Elliott stopped by briefly but had to leave again to pick up his relatives flying in from Seattle. Both of Elliott's parents came from large families, so every year they took turns hosting Thanksgiving dinner for either side of the family.

She hung around Lexi's home until her mother called her cell phone saying they had returned back home. That night Julia ate her turkey and mashed potatoes in near silence. Her mother avoided any eye contact, and her dad didn't seem to realize anything was wrong.

Julia spent the next two days holed up in the room, reading or writing, finding solace in her books and stories.

* * *

Monday morning at the airport, Julia watched as Lexi bravely held back her tears as she hugged her dad, sniffling over how this past weekend had been too short. Julia remained quiet, thinking just the opposite. She missed college. She had spent most of Thanksgiving weekend transcribing her sophomore year journal on to the little black memory card lodged in her laptop. She now had another notebook to send through the shredder and couldn't wait to board the plane and head back to campus.

After dropping his belongings off at his own room, Elliott reappeared and flopped on Lexi's bed as if he'd just run a marathon rather than skateboard across the short distance from his dormitory to theirs.

"Come with me to the grocery store?" Lexi begged him before he had a chance to kick off his shoes.

He groaned. "Let's just eat at the cafeteria. You've barely used up any of your meal points for this quarter."

"But I miss home and making some dumpling noodle soup is the only cure."

Julia exchanged a look with him. It was clear Lexi was missing Grammy Lois. Thanksgiving must not have been the same without her.

Pulling himself slowly off the bed, he gave Lexi a longsuffering look and said, "Ok, fine." In response she squealed and gave him a hug as they headed out back out the door.

Treasuring the rare few moments she had to herself, Julia quickly switched on her laptop. Pulling out the latest journal she had left off typing up, Julia took a deep breath.

Junior year of high school, the fateful year, was not a particularly fun time of her life. Even back then she had suspected that sooner or later she would drift apart from her two childhood friends. After all what sixteen year old boy remained best friends with two girls he wasn't dating? And Lexi was always hard to pin down. She had a revolving string of friends the same way she did favorite activities and interests.

But then two things happened that brought the three of them snapping back together again like a rubber band that had been stretched too thin: Grammy Lois passed away, and Julia's boyfriend turned out to be a liar.

She was unaware of the time when the savory aroma of dumpling soup came wafting in through the door and Julia looked up from her reverie to hear laughter coming from the common area of the dormitory suite. Closing her laptop and carefully marking the page of her journal before placing it back into the cardboard box, Julia stood up to see what was going on down the short hall from her dorm room.

Julia was surprised to see people lounging around the common area, some sitting in front of the small TV playing Wii with Elliott, while others sat around the low coffee table, their hands dusted white with flour, scooping spoonfuls of raw meat, cabbage, and ginger on small circular dumpling wraps.

"Hi, Lia!" Lexi called from the small stovetop in the corner of the room, her cheeks speckled with flour. "The first batch of dumpling soup is almost ready!"

Who were all these people? Some looked familiar but Julia hadn't taken the time to get to know any of her suitemates. Apparently this wasn't the case for Lexi. She watched as her childhood friend laughed easily with these near strangers, drifting farther away from her.

* * *

"Lia, want to toss a Frisbee outside with us?" Lexi asked, with Vangy and Pamela's little group crowded around her. It was Sunday afternoon at Leavesly Church and the youth group kids were finishing up eating their church food.

"Go ahead," Julia said lightly, not much of a fan of any sport involving tossing or catching for that matter.

Up on stage Elliott had called an impromptu worship team practice and was working on getting the little band to end each song at the same time.

"Koda, you got to look at me from time to time," Elliott said, "Especially at the end of the chorus. If I give you a nod it means we're going to repeat the chorus. If I'm not looking at you it means we're continuing on to the next verse. And if I give you this look it means we're ending."

Koda scowled. "That's kind of a lot to remember. Can't you just stop playing then I'll do this," he finished the sentence with the one and only drum combination he knew how to play which ended with him tossing the sticks up in the air with a spin.

Elliott sighed. "Alright, fine. For now let's just say we're going to sing each song through three times. From the top..."

Koda held the drum sticks high above his head and tapped out three beats before going into his usual tap rhythm. Last week Elliott tried to teach him a different beat but to no avail. Koda seemed to insist on remaining a one trick pony.

Chloe sat straight backed at the piano, and Shep stood next to Elliott plucking stoically at the bass guitar his eyes glued to the chord sheet on the music stand in front of him. It was clear it was going to take some time before they gelled together, but at least Elliott was starting to get them to play somewhat together.

Half an hour later their parents began wandering into the sanctuary looking to go home. Elliott and the guys put away their instruments and turned off the sound system. Julia and Chloe headed down the aisle towards the doors at the back of the room. They passed the last pew where Wynn sat during the practice, head bent over his laptop.

He looked up and said, "Good job, Chloe. The music is really coming together."

Chloe blushed at the compliment but managed to keep a nonchalant expression on her face. "Thanks," she said.

Then he turned to Julia and said, "You guys ready to head back to campus?"

"Yes, sorry for keeping you so late," Julia said, chagrinned. They had gotten so used to being at Leavesly Church, sometimes she forgot Wynn was doing them a favor by chauffeuring them everywhere. "Let me go find Lexi."

"No rush," Wynn said, and slowly began packing up his laptop. Watching his leisurely pace, Julia felt somewhat reassured they weren't detaining him from anything. She stood at the end of his pew debating whether she should wait for him or walk outside with Chloe to find Lexi.

"Well," Chloe said after an awkward moment of silence, "I'll see you guys next week." She gave them a wave and walked away toting her thick Worship Music Binder.

Koda and Shep walked by then, both calling out their good-byes, followed by Elliott who sauntered up and leaned against the opposite pew to wait for Julia.

"Three more weeks until the big night," Wynn grinned at Elliott, "Think we're ready?"

"Any chance we can postpone Christmas this year?" Elliott quipped, and Wynn laughed.

"It'll be good," Julia assured them. She knew the Christmas performance wasn't going to be as elaborate as Lexi had envisioned, and the music wouldn't be recording label level. But the kids had memorized their parts and learned their songs. They had come a long way since the first rehearsal.

Wynn and Elliott stared at Julia's confidence. Smiling, Elliott turned to Wynn and said, "It'll be good."

Wynn laughed. "Ok, then. Good it is."

Chapter Twelve

The next three weeks flew by and soon two big deadlines marking the end of this year arrived. The first being Julia's full-length and completed Memoir assignment. The second being the youth group dress rehearsal which was scheduled for the Friday before Leavesly Church's Christmas performance.

The stack of journals had dwindled down to the one box containing Julia's childhood years. She had emptied out the shredder more times than she could count. She wasn't sure if the frantic pace at transcribing her diaries were due to paranoia, or as an act of procrastination from working on her Memoir paper.

After her last class of the day, Julia trudged through the heavy downpour, mentally preparing herself on how to edit her memoir assignment. When she wrote in her journals, she could be completely honest because she knew no one was going to read it. Growing up, she wrote little skits for Lexi and Elliott's entertainment. They were fictional rather than autobiographical, so she still felt that protection behind the element of fantasy. In her stories Julia was The Girl stuck behind the glass mirror. The first time Lexi heard that she nearly cried and protested, the thought of anyone being trapped behind glass too morbid for her young mind to comprehend. But when Julia explained that the world behind the mirror was actually magical, a safe haven protecting her from The Ice Queen, Lexi was intrigued.

And so began their adventures within Julia's fantastical world. Lexi was The Vapor, because she insisted on having the power to escape from within the glass walls in order to rejoin the real world. Julia secretly thought this was fitting, especially as they grew older, because Lexi was like vapor: hard to hold on to. She was seemingly everywhere at once and at times notorious for disappearing when she was needed.

Elliott was The Warrior, or as Lexi liked to tease him, the Slumbering Warrior. He had the potential to be strong and protective and fierce. But Lexi was right. More often than not, he seemed to be only half-awake and not too interested in being heroic.

But this assignment was demanding something more, something until now she had only allowed to be expressed in the privacy of her journals. Was she willing to take on this challenge to face her fears? Or would she end up taking the coward's way out and giving only a halfhearted effort at revising her paper.

Her dorm room was dark except for the dim grey light from the window. Julia wondered if Lexi and Elliott were taking a "study break" at the library after class. She decided against calling them. Knowing Lexi, she's just end up persuading her to join them, and Julia knew she could no longer afford to waste time. The assignment was due tomorrow.

Tossing her dripping jacket along with her soaked socks in the laundry basket, Julia padded barefoot over to the microwave in the common room to heat a mug of water. Back in her own room, she changed into new layers of clothing. Pulling thick wool socks over her cold feet, she started to feel a little bit warmer by the time the microwave beeped down the hall. Tearing open the small square packet, Julia dipped the tea bag into the hot water and watched as the tea leaves seep dark amber.

Setting her mug within reach on the night stand, she climbed into bed, wrapping the thick comforter around herself. Twisting her rain damp hair away from her face and neck, she pulled a beanie hat firmly over her head and curled into a comfortable huddle and tried to clear her thoughts.

In her American Society and Culture class, the professor had completed the section on influential people, and was now wrapping up the second half of the curriculum by focusing on major events that shaped the nation. One section covered the Japanese Internment Camps that were designated during World War II.

Julia remembered learning about this back in high school. The same nauseating feeling that had overwhelmed her back then resurfaced as she listened to her professor's lecture on the fear and paranoia that had overwhelmed the nation on the heels of the bombing on Pearl Harbor. About how that had led to the inexcusable act of forcibly relocating over 120,000 innocent Japanese-Americans in prison-like camps, just because of their outward Asian features.

The reading assignment included articles and testimonies from various Japanese-Americans who had endured these internment camps personally. Their shared stories of hardship, humiliation, and despair over losing their jobs and homes and reputations because of their ethnicity pierced her mind. Some clung to the hope of rebuilding their lives, of making the best of a tragic wrongdoing of another's hand, suffering their consequences.

Julia remembered back in high school, after learning about this scarred period in their nation's history, she had gone home and asked her mother about it. Her mother had given her a sharp look as if bringing up the topic was offensive.

" _Why are you asking?"_

Julia took a step back, caught off guard by her mother's angry response. It was uncharacteristic coming from her mother, who rarely showed any kind of emotion.

" _It's just, um, we're learning about it in school," Julia stumbled over her words. "I was just curious, that's all."_

Her mother sat back with a sigh. She was silent for so long, Julia was about to walk away, when she finally said, "Our family was innocent. We've always been good citizens, loyal. Your great-grandfather was a surgeon, did you know that?"

Julia nodded slowly. She remembered hearing that. It was one of the few things she knew about her family, her past. It was something she knew her family was proud about, the fact that he was not just a doctor, but a surgeon.

" _He graduated from the best university in Japan. He was a respected surgeon even here in California. My grandfather was a student at UCLA at the time. He was going to follow in his father's footsteps. But then the war began. He was taken out of school. His father was no longer able to work at the hospital. The whole family was forced to leave their home, forced to live in the..." her mother swallowed, unable to say the words, as if the mention of the place was a curse on her lips._

Abruptly, she looked up sternly at Julia and stated in a firm voice, "That was my grandparent's era. The past doesn't affect us now."

Even then, Julia had known that wasn't true. The past did affect them. It either broke or strengthened them. These crucial points in their history altered them, and it effected the next generation that was learning from the previous, either trying to emulate it, or to run away from it, to avoid repeating the same tragic mistakes.

How much of her personality was the result of how God had made her, and how much was the outcome of her family life and past experiences?

A couple things came to mind: her parents' aloof and physically unaffectionate behavior towards her growing up, being semi-raised by her best friend's grandmother and tagging along with them to their church, and her Achilles' heel of being perpetually shy. Julia took a deep breath and starting typing out the words the strung from her memories, revealing more than she was comfortable about her inner feelings and past.

It was a couple hours later when a knock sounded at the door. Was it Elliott? Or did Lexi forget her keys again?

"It's not locked," Julia called out from under the thick comforter where she was holed up with her laptop.

The door opened but no one entered.

Peeking out from under her blanket, Julia looked up to see Wynn leaning against the door frame.

"Cold?" Wynn asked, smirk in place.

Embarrassed, Julia quickly pulled off the beanie and sat up, pushing back her long hair as it came tumbling down around her.

"What time is it?" she glanced out the window disoriented and surprised to see it was dark out the dim grey daylight gone.

"An hour before A.A.C.F.'s large group meeting," he said. "I ran into Lexi earlier at the library, and she said you weren't picking up your phone. Some of us are going out to eat beforehand. Want to come?"

Julia scrambled to her feet to get ready. "Sure, where are Lexi and Elliott?"

"Mudd's already giving them a ride. We'll just meet them there."

* * *

Walking to Professor Palermo's office the next morning to drop off her Memoir assignment, Julia felt her heart pounding. She had stayed up all night, making the conscious effort to tell the truth about her past, even the part she wasn't necessarily proud of, in hopes of showing how certain events and people shaped who she had become and strived to be.

She had to acknowledge the role rediscovering her journals had played. It gave her a different perspective of what God had been doing in her life. Although her different experiences had felt fragmented while going through them, when strung all together, they kept pointing back to one truth: God was faithful.

* * *

The night stung with a nippy chill and all the coppery golden hued leaves from the Cherry blossom trees had fallen, leaving the branches bare and vulnerable with their pale white bark exposed. The parking lot of Leavesly Church was nearly full and there was already a flurry of activity going on in and around the building.

"What's going on?" Lexi asked. "They know the actual performance is on Sunday, right? Tonight's just the dress rehearsal."

Wynn shrugged as he pulled into an empty spot on the far side of the lot. "I overheard my mom talking to some of the parents on the phone, sounds like everyone's really excited and wants to show their support by coming out tonight to help with rehearsals and to feed us."

At the mention of food, Elliott instantly perked up. "What are we having tonight?"

"Shabu Shabu."

"Wow, they're making a night of it, huh?" Elliott said, impressed.

Upon entering the social hall, several moms ushered them towards the decked out tables. Rows of hot pots were lined up, surrounded by plates of thinly sliced beef, a variety of vegetables, chopped up seafood, and bowls of savory dipping sauces.

At one of the tables on the other side of the room, Julia spotted Koda and Shep along with a group of tall teenage boys most of whom she had never seen before.

"Who are they?" Julia whispered to Chloe, who had rushed to her side the moment they arrived.

"Koda changed his mind and invited some friends."

"Let's go say hi," Lexi suggested, and they made their way over between the crowded tables.

Shep looked up and nodded as way of a greeting, almost a perfect imitation of his older cousin. His mouth was full, chopsticks dangling from his hand.

"Hi, guys," Lexi said, "How's the food?"

"Good, you want some?"

As Lexi settled into a comfortable conversation with them, Julia reached for a pair of chopsticks and helped to add more meat and seafood into the hot pot. A few of the new boys were drooling over Lexi or the food. Julia wasn't sure. But she did find out they were from Koda's soccer team at school.

"Hey, Julia, you want some of this meat?" Koda offered, to her surprise. He motioned towards the empty paper bowl in front of her. Julia smiled and handed it to him.

"Thanks, Koda," she said, feeling genuinely touched. Koda wasn't usually very attentive of other people.

"Chloe?" he said after passing the bowl back to Julia.

Chloe looked stunned but managed to pass him her bowl as well.

While Koda piled on the food, Julia glanced around the room to find out what happened to Elliott. She found him near the front of the room with Wynn, sitting at a table with Vangy and Pamela's group of friends. The group of giggling girls seemed to have tripled.

It was a bit funny that everyone was so excited about a dress rehearsal, Julia was thinking, when suddenly the sound of a pop followed by the smell of gasoline exploded in the room.

The lights in the room went out, and a collective gasp could be heard. The darkness was followed by a moment of unsure silence that was broken by a faint curse from one of Koda's friends.

"Aw, man. And I just cracked a raw egg into my bowl," he muttered.

His comment was followed by a frenzy of voices.

"We must have blown a fuse."

"It's all these hot pots. I knew we shouldn't have used so many extension chords."

"Alright, nobody panic. We just have to flip a switch in the fuse box."

"Somebody help me find the communion candles and the matches."

From across the table Koda mumbled, "This is going to delay our night."

He was right, it almost took a full hour before the lights came back on due to some debate between whether or not the communion candles were suitable to use in this situation. This was resolved when Wynn rummaged his old flashlight from his car, but it took some time to locate the fuse box and to find the right switches to flip. When the lights still refused to turn back on, Wynn called the fire department from his cell phone, and everyone sat in darkness while the practical jokes escalated.

First there was a squeal coming from Chloe. The guys erupted with laughter as Koda snuck back to his seat after placing an uncooked slimy squid on her neck.

"I should've know he couldn't last being nice to me," Julia heard her mutter in the dark. But Chloe soon retaliated by attempting to clip a crab claw shell on Koda's ear. Only she was confused by the shadows and caught Shep instead, who growled irritably.

"Hey, I'm an innocent bystander," Shep complained, swiping the claw from Chloe's hand. This sent her scampering back to her side of the table. Then, Koda and his friends started daring each other to add different combinations of soy sauce to hot mustard into their cups of soda to drink. One of the guys was choking on his gulp as the guys around him hooted with laughter and pounded him on his back, when two small flickers of light appeared next to Julia.

"Should've known you'd be at the trouble-maker table," came Elliott's teasing voice as he grinned at Lexi. Julia smiled up at the two guys towering over their table holding the little wicks of fire in their hands.

"We found some birthday candles," Wynn announced, his face glowing slightly from the dim light. He tossed a handful on to the table which the guys immediately scooped up. "And a box of matches, but don't waste those."

"How much longer until the lights turn back on?" Lexi asked as she scooted over to make room for Elliott to join their table. Turning a paper cup upside down, Elliott poked a hole on the bottom of the cup and stuck his melting candle in the makeshift holder.

"Fire department should be here soon."

As if on cue, the wail of sirens could be heard, just as the guys at their table were starting to burn everything from chop sticks to egg shells. As if to jostle for the best seat at a street parade, the social hall quickly emptied out as everyone hurried outside to the wet parking lot to greet the firemen.

The rest of the night carried on a similar tone of merriment. Even after dinner recommenced, and then later as the youth group was herded into the sanctuary and into their costumes then onto the stage, their parents and friends followed behind them like groupies and stagehands rather than audience members.

"You know these are the same people who are going to be watching us perform on Sunday," Pamela whispered to Vangy off the side of the stage. But they didn't seem too disheartened by that fact.

After running through the entire performance twice, the first time with Wynn making last minute corrections, and the second time all the way through with no cues or interruptions, it was already past ten. As everyone changed back into their regular clothes some parents came up to express their gratitude and praise for the new leaders.

"Seems like your skit was a hit," Wynn said, "And it's not even the real performance." He leaned casually against the pew Julia was perched on.

"It was Lexi's idea."

"You wrote it." He turned his head sideways and smiled at her.

"It was a group effort, you and Elliott..."

Wynn laughed and shook his head. "You just can't take a compliment, can you?" Straightening up he added, "So what do you think about writing something for Easter? Maybe we can try something a little longer."

"I like it. I'll start working on it," she said, and grinned happily at him.

* * *

Sunday evening finally brought with is a sense of calm. The weekend had been a whirlwind. The morning performance was decidedly a success according to the proud group of families and friends gathered at Leavesly Church. Now back on campus, Julia had a few minutes before the airport shuttle was scheduled to arrive to pick them up for their flight back home for Christmas vacation.

Lexi was in the common room watching Elliott unhook his videogame console from the TV to be stored away during winter break. Julia had spent a good portion of her time the day before working on the Easter script Wynn had suggested, and had shown it Lexi after church. She was excited about returning to Leavesly Church after vacation and getting back into working with the youth group.

Julia was turning off her laptop when she heard voices coming down the hallway. She looked up in time to see Wynn appear from the open doorway. He hesitated then said, "Lexi said you were in here. I just came by to drop off your gifts." He unceremoniously handed her a Best Buys gift card.

"I have something for you, too," Julia said, going to her closet to pull out the little craft project she'd been working on since the embarrassing incident at his parent's home. "I didn't get a chance to wrap it, but here, Merry Christmas." She held out the bulky objects towards him.

Wynn tilted his head back with laughter as he took the gift. Julia had found a pair of oven mitts at Marukai during her Thanksgiving vacation. With her rudimentary sewing skills, she had sewed together pieces of brown and black cloths together to create two faux burnt toasts on top of the oven mitts.

"This is the second part of your gift," Julia said, biting back a smile as she handed him another package.

"Let's me guess, a matching apron?" he teased.

Julia laughed. She had custom ordered an apron to match the mitts, with the words "Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off" scrawled across the front, with a picture of two burnt toast popping out of a toaster oven on it.

Lexi and Elliott entered the room then, and seeing the gift, Lexi said, "Do you like them? Lia's been working on those things everyday."

Julia blushed and said, "I'm a little slow at sewing."

"Thanks. They're great."

Before he left, Lexi said, "Oh, did Lia show you the Easter play she's been working on?"

"It's not completely done yet, but I have a pretty good idea about what it's going to be about."

"I'll get it for you," Lexi offered. From below their building a car horn honked twice. "Our airport shuttle is here," she announced after peeking out the window. She reached over to pull the black memory disc from Julia's laptop and handed it to Wynn.

"Wait, let me print you out a hard copy," Julia offered, but the shuttle bus honked impatiently again.

"C'mon, Lia, we got to go," Lexi insisted from where she stood by the door, suitcase in hand.

Wynn stretched out his hand to give back the small disc. "Did you want it back? I can just look at it later."

Julia quickly shook her head. "Oh, no, it's fine. It's not completely done yet, I'll probably still edit some stuff, so let me know if there's anything you want me to change."

"Ok, cool. Thanks," with that he shoved the memory card into the pocket of his jeans, gave her a wave with the hand holding the oven mitts, and headed out the door.

Grabbing her laptop and bags, Julia followed her friends out and locked the door.

Chapter Thirteen

The two weeks of Christmas vacation flew by with an unexpected flurry of activities, and Julia soon found herself back on the airplane with Lexi and Elliott. They were headed back to campus early in order to attend A.A.C.F.'s Winter Retreat at Big Bear Lake.

Settling into her airplane seat with her journal and favorite green ink pen, Julia reflected on the past couple of days.

Elliott's family had hosted their annual Christmas Eve party at their large estate home, which Julia usually attended with her parents. Her parents didn't ordinarily come out to church-related events, but ever since the first time Elliott's mom called her parents back in Elementary school, Julia's parents have consistently accepted the invitation until it became tradition.

Julia was waiting by the door, ready to leave for the party, when her mother came walking down the stairs alone.

"Where's dad? We're going to be late."

"Dad won't be coming tonight."

"Why not? He always comes."

Her mother didn't answer, and instead walked past her to open the door.

Julia threw her hands up in the air, exasperated. "Whatever."

The drive to Elliott's home was less than ten minutes, and they soon pulled up the cobblestone driveway leading up to the front of the large English manor style mansion.

They had barely rung the doorbell, when the twelve foot tall double oak doors flew open and Lexi rushed out to greet them.

"Hi, Mrs. Kyoto," Lexi had greeted her mother, promptly grabbing Julia's arm and pulling her back a couple steps away from the entrance.

"My, that's quite the greeting," Elliott's mom commented from behind her retreating figure before ushering Julia's mom inside.

"What's going on?" Julia yelped as Lexi practically dragged her into the row of overgrown Ficus trees outside the home.

"Craig's here," Lexi informed her, eyes wide with meaning.

Julia felt her breath escape her for a moment. But she forced herself to calm down. "Oh," she said, staring blankly ahead.

"Are you okay?"

"Um, yes," she nodded then looked up at Lexi, saying in a firmer voice, "Yes, I'm fine."

"They're in the game room shooting pool, want to join them? Or we can hang out up in Ellie's room for a bit," Lexi suggested.

Julia shook her head resolutely. "No, I don't want to hide out."

"Ok, ripping the Band-aid off it is, fast and easy," Lexi smiled reassuringly at her as they headed back inside. Festivities were at a high with crowds of parents from her home church laughing and enjoying the Hors d'oeuvres being passed around by hired waiters. A few of the parents noticed her arrival and called out a greeting as they walked by. Julia caught a glimpse of the beef carving cart being set up in the grand dining room as they passed by and she guessed dinner would begin shortly. The classical music accompanying the formal rooms faded as they cut through the kitchen and headed towards the back of the house. It was all so familiar yet her stomach twisted uncomfortably as they reached the far set of stairs that led down to the game room.

Julia hadn't seen Craig since her junior year in high school, not since the day Elliott fouled him hard on the basketball court sending Craig crashing to the ground. The shouts led to shoves, followed by a couple hard punches before the rest of the guys got a strong enough hold to pull them apart. Julia hadn't been there to witness it. But the stories spread far and wide, unfurling across their different groups of friends like a banner being raised, a flag signifying the downfall of The Perfect Couple: Craig cheated on Julia, and her bodyguard knocked him out.

"Julia!"

The greeting was sent out like a warning, and the previously rambunctious room suddenly fell silent except for the booming bass from the stereo. All eyes swiveled to where Julia and Lexi stood framed by the open arch of the doorway. The music that had previously remained in the background suddenly seemed deafening and someone reached over to lower the volume.

"Hey, Julia."

She blinked, barely seeing, all thoughts refusing to register.

"Hey, Craig," she heard herself say, as if on autopilot. She hadn't seen him for year since he left for college in the East Coast. Whenever he came home for vacation, they avoided seeing each other, either one or the other forgoing any group events that would place them in the same room.

"Lexi, Lia, over here," Elliott called out to them from the far side of the room.

Julia felt Lexi tug her along, as the room came back to life. As they passed by a group of people sitting on the couch, and Julia recognized one of them to be Craig's cousin. Julia overheard him say, "Awkward," in a joking voice. Something flew across the room and hit him squarely on the head. "Ow, Elliott. Relax," he complained, and Julia looked up to see Elliott raise his hand threatening to chuck another magnetic dart his way.

"You girls in for a game?" Elliott asked them as they reached his side.

"Love to," Lexi grinned, grabbing the darts from his hand and preparing to aim them at Craig's cousin haplessly cringing on the couch.

Elliott laughed appreciatively but placed his hands on her shoulders and steered her towards the dart board hanging on the wall. A moment later a clamor of feet could be heard racing down the stairs followed by a noisy group of kids appearing at the doorway to announce, "Dinner is ready!"

Julia lingered back as the room slowly emptied out. From past experience, Julia knew how long a wait it was before finally reaching the banquet table so she was in no hurry. But she did have to fight the strong urge to runaway and hide upstairs in Elliott's bedroom. She looked towards the door struggling with the desire to flee when she noticed Craig also hanging back, chatting with one of Elliott's older brothers.

"I think he's waiting for you," Lexi whispered, and Elliott moved to stand on the other side of her.

At the same moment, Craig glanced over in their direction and raised one hand in a slight wave. "How's it going?" he mouthed, and Julia felt obligated to move towards him.

Be brave, she chided herself. It's been years, you're over it. He can't hurt you anymore.

She tossed her hair back, threw him a brilliant smile, and said in a voice that didn't belong to her, "Long time no see."

His eyes widened approvingly and a wide smile flashed across his face. Once upon a time his was a look that could melt her heart into a puddle. But all she felt now was tension knotting itself in her stomach as she worked at keeping up the pretense of being confident and alluring.

Beguiled by her new attitude Craig stuck by her side for the rest of the night unable to see beyond the surface. That night Julia left the party feeling drained and regretting how she'd hastily agreed to join Craig and his friends on a snowboarding trip.

The moment Julia stepped into her bedroom, her cell phone rang.

"Are you sure you're up for spending five days up in the mountains with Craig? You won't be able run away or hide," Lexi asked without preamble.

"I'll be fine. You'll be there. And anyways," she added in a hushed voice, "It'll be better than staying at home. My parents are acting really strange."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one, they don't speak to each other."

"That's normal... for them."

"No, it's different. I don't know how to explain it, but before it was like they were silent because they had nothing better to say to each other. But now it's at a whole new level of weird. It's like they're purposely not speaking to one another."

"Are you sure you're not just imaging things?"

"Lexi, I don't even think my dad lives here anymore."

"What? No way."

Julia stared at the fancy wallpaper and sighed. The heavy sense of dread that had first entered her heart when she came home for winter vacation had refused to disappear. She had noticed little odd things like her dad's shoes not being on the shoe rack next to the garage door. Of course there was the possibility that her mom had donated them all to a charity and was planning on replacing all of them as a Christmas gift, but it seemed unlikely.

Her parents were early risers and workaholics, and she had often woken up to an empty house. But now he was almost never at home, some nights showing up long after dinner was over. And he no longer parked in the garage, but on the street. Julia had a nagging feeling that after she went to bed, he crept back out and drove... to wherever it was he was staying now.

But her bedroom window faced the backyard, and she hadn't snooped in her parent's closets, or asked them right out, so she wasn't sure.

"Well," Lexi said softly when Julia hadn't responded. "Are you going to ask your parents about it?"

Julia scoffed. "And have them lie to my face? They're obviously trying to keep it hidden from me if my dad's pretending like he's still living at home."

"Maybe it's not as bad as you think. Maybe there's some sort of explanation to everything," Lexi insisted, always the optimist.

"We'll see," Julia said wearily. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the truth.

* * *

The trip up to the cabin was quite the nightmare. Wanting to avoid spending five hours stuck in Craig's SUV, she had chosen to ride in the other vehicle carpooling up. Unfortunately this placed her next to Craig's cousin. He was a bit of a know-it-all, but one with no skills to back up his claims.

"Do you snowboard much?" he had asked her.

Hoping to cut the conversation short, Julia had said, "No."

He, however, took this as an invitation to be her personal instructor the next day on the slopes. Julia was horrified to find out he was an even worse snowboarder than she was. On more than one occasion, his scientific analysis on the best way to land while coming off the ski lifts ran a little long, and before he was able to finish his sentence, the lift was already wrapping around the rails to head back down... with him still on it.

Another time the cousin insisted on bringing Julia up to the steepest slope, convinced she wouldn't improve if she didn't face her fears. But at the last turn, he lost control of his balance, and to recuperate, he ended up crouching down low with his board angled straight down. Luckily he didn't knock anyone over, but as his snowboard picked up speed, he was unable to stop and continued sliding down past the edge of the snow and all the way out the entrance of the ski resort and into the parking lot.

Needless to say, Julia was forced to fake a cough for the remainder of the trip. She hid out in the cabin with a book and a couple magazines she bought at the lodge gift store. The awkward weekend was further dampened when Craig decided to seek her out.

"What are you reading?" Craig asked her leaning in close to check out the title of the book Julia was curled up on the sofa with. "North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell," he read then said, "Well, I guess some things never change, huh?"

Julia looked up and saw his teasing grin. "I haven't changed, Craig," she insisted, wanting to put a stop to any misleading ideas he might have about her. "I'm still the same, quiet, boring girl you broke up with two years ago."

Craig laughed in a shocked kind of way. "I never thought you were boring."

Not bothering to respond, Julia just turned her attention back to her book.

"Hey, no," Craig said, anger tingeing the edge of his voice. "Don't ignore me. That's what I didn't like about you. You never communicated anything to me. It was always guesswork with you. You lived inside your own little bubble. How was I supposed to have a relationship with someone I barely knew?"

Julia looked up at him, hurt. "Why didn't you say something to me? I didn't know I was doing anything wrong."

"C'mon, you can't tell me you thought our relationship was working."

"I did! I was so completely happy being your girlfriend."

"If you were so happy with me, why did you keep me shut out all the time?"

"I didn't mean to. That's just the way I am."

"But you manage to talk to Lexi and Elliott all the time."

"I grew up with them, it's different."

"I was your boyfriend, Julia. If that didn't make a difference to you, then maybe you just weren't ready to be in a relationship."

"The least you could've done was let me know when it was over," Julia murmured under her breath.

"What?"

"You didn't have to cheat on me," she said a little louder. "If you wanted to end things, you could've just let me know."

"Honestly, I didn't think you'd care."

Julia stared at him in disbelief. "So you thought I'd rather find out by going on a camping trip with my boyfriend and all of his friends, and his new girlfriend."

"I didn't make you come along. It was your choice to be there."

"No, I'm sorry," Julia said, correcting herself, "Not your new girlfriend, but your girlfriend for six months apparently."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"So you thought it would be better for me to find out being stuck out in the woods, miles away from home, watching you make out with another girl all the while thinking I was still your girlfriend?"

"If you're still so pissed at me, why were you flirting with me at the Christmas party?"

"I wasn't flirting!"

"And why did you come on this trip? I know you hate snowboarding."

"I was trying to prove that I'm over you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm tired of avoiding you. I don't want to stay home just because I know you're going to be somewhere."

Craig considered this. "Alright, so basically you're saying we're going to move on. Don't let the past affect us, kind of thing."

"Yes."

He nodded. "I can live with that."

"Hey, guys," Lexi said, entering the room with a large steaming bowl of food. Since arriving back at the cabin, Lexi had been in the kitchen, busily making a large pot of congee with the other girls. Julia took the bowl of the hot rice porridge with chopped green onions, boiled egg, and spicy bamboo shoots, grateful for the interruption.

"Wow, Lexi, I'm impressed," Craig teased her. "Hot cocoa would've sufficed."

"We have that too. I just have to shave some dark chocolate and cinnamon sticks in them."

"Show off," Julia smiled affectionately at her.

Lexi laughed, "Oh and I have nutmeg too!"

Craig followed Lexi back into the kitchen, just as his cousin came strutting up from the basement where the guys had bunked down. He still wet from his shower, smelling strongly of cologne, and headed her way. Julia groaned and quickly scooped up her book and headed upstairs to the loft area where the girls slept.

Julia sighed leaning her head heavily against the window pane.

"We're almost home," Lexi whispered to her as they finally headed back down the mountain from Lake Tahoe after the most excruciatingly exhausting couple of days.

Julia suppressed a groan and slid down lower in her seat, trying to stay below Craig's radar. She had purposefully chosen the last row of his gigantic GMC Yukon and promptly pretended to fall asleep. In the lane next to theirs a Honda Element drove by and she followed it with her eyes.

"That one is black, Lia, not grey," Elliott mumbled under his breath. She gave him a withering look. But his only reaction was to laugh and look away.

* * *

It wasn't until the day before returning to college that Julia finally mustered up enough confidence to approach her mother about her parent's odd behavior. The day after Julia returned from the snowboarding trip, her father apparently forgot he needed to make his nightly appearance at home and Julia was already in bed when he remembered to show up.

She lay in bed listening to her parents argue downstairs.

At least they're talking, Julia thought bitterly and reached over to pull on her earphones. Turning up the volume to her iPod, she rolled tightly into a ball under her pile of blankets.

"Dad worked late last night," her mom attempted to continue her charade the next morning over breakfast.

"Is he still upstairs?"

"He left early to go into the office."

"Oh."

Julia pushed her bowl of oatmeal away feeling a sudden loss of appetite. Why did her parents insist on treating her like a child? Did they think she was stupid?

"So you didn't buy dad any new shoes for Christmas," Julia stated, staring at her mom defiantly. They had unceremoniously opened their gifts on Christmas Eve when Julia had handed her parents their presents, and they returned the gesture.

Her mom looked up perplexed. "No. Did he need some?"

Julia shrugged. "I just noticed he didn't have any shoes on the rack."

"Oh."

Julia watched disdainfully as her mother tried to come up with some reasonable excuse. She saw the moment her mom gave up. And that sinking feeling lodged in her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.

"We've decided to separate for a time."

"Why?"

"Things weren't working out between us."

"And they were before?"

Her mother frowned at her. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means it wasn't like you guys had the perfect marriage to begin with!"

"So I should never deserve any kind of happiness?" Her mother said in a tight and hushed tone.

"What?"

"You're right, Julia. Our marriage was never perfect. But we stayed together for you. And now that you're grown up, I don't see why your dad and I should continue to pretend that we didn't make a mistake twenty years ago."

"But..."

"That's enough. Your dad will come back tomorrow to drive you to the airport. I'll call him to let him know he doesn't need to make an appearance tonight for dinner."

"But..."

But her mother was finished with their conversation. Without another word, she stood up and walked upstairs, leaving Julia to sit alone at the kitchen counter.

Back on the airplane, the pilot announced their arrival back into San Diego International Airport. Closing her journal, Julia realized there were only two blank pages left. But it didn't matter. She felt no desire to write down what had happened over vacation. Sliding the book and pen back into her knapsack, Julia reached over to nudge Lexi and Elliott awake.

Chapter Fourteen

Aosta Verde University was eerily empty, most students having yet to return from vacation. Even so, it felt really good to be back on campus. Julia hadn't expected to miss it so much. Geoff's Escalade pulled into the cul-de-sac behind The Cove, and Randall climbed out from the passenger seat. With the leadership's arrival, things started getting organized beginning with carpool rides up to the Winter Retreat campsite.

"Hey, _Ju_ lia," Geoff greeted her as he loped around his SUV.

"Hi, Geoff, how was your Christmas vacation?"

"Awesome. Yourself?"

"Um, it was fine."

"Cool," he laughed and leaned in for a hug. "It's good to see you again."

Julia patted his back lightly and said, "Yeah, same here."

Geoff left her to make his rounds, boisterously greeting freshmen and seniors alike, when Julia looked up to see the most beautiful sight. A dark grey Honda Element rounded the corner and pulled up behind Geoff's car, and an uncontainable smile lit up her face.

Nearly three hours later, the sky was pitch black when the same dark grey Honda Element jerked to a stop and slowly pulled over to the side of the mountain road. Lexi, who had fallen asleep before they had even reached the freeway, had barely moved from her huddled position curled up against her pillow, head against the foggy window.

In the passenger seat, Elliott's tall frame was sprawled out as much as possible in the tight space, seat reclined, head thrown back to occasionally release a throaty snore, arms flung about him. His knees were bent awkwardly and somehow seemed to take up eighty percent of the car. Julia couldn't help feeling bad for Wynn, once again being stuck with them, especially having Elliott so close to drooling proximity.

_Was it by choice that we're in his car?_ Julia wondered.

Elliott let out a slight groan the moment a frosty gush of wind blew in as Wynn shoved open his door and stepped out. "Huh? What's going on?" Elliott mumbled, disoriented, as the door slammed shut.

"He's fixing the tire chains again," Julia said from the backseat.

"What change? Like coins?"

"Chains," Julia enunciated a bit exasperated. "It's been like the fifth time we've pulled over. Can you please go outside to help him?"

"Sure, sure," Elliott slurred, his eyes closing again. He attempted to roll over but his seatbelt stopped him midway. "Give him all my change. My wallet's in my bag. Or jacket. Or maybe Lexi has it." His incoherent words trailed off and ended with a snore.

Julia sighed.

Pulling on her fur hooded parka, she pushed open the door and climbed out. The icy air made her throat hurt to breathe, and she tucked her chin into her wool scarf. Gingerly, she made her way around the car, careful not to slip on the frozen ground.

Wynn was crouched by the rear tire, glove in his mouth, examining the metal rope with his fingers. At the sound of her boots crunching in the snow, he tilted his head. The smile that lit his eyes made her feel better. Except for the music, it had been silent most of the ride up the mountain.

"Need a hand? Are the chains not working properly?"

He stood up and shrugged. "Just not used to driving on ice, I guess." He continued to watch her, his head bent since her own barely reached his shoulders. His usual smirk was gone, and his eyes softened like she knew they would whenever he let down his guard. There were parts of him that were a mystery to her still. But after the past three months of serving with him, Julia was starting to see behind the tough exterior he put up sometimes when he was around his housemates and friends.

The car suddenly shook and the slight boom of a bass beat shuddered from within. Julia smothered a giggle as Wynn ducked his head see what was going on inside his car. From the darkened windows, they could see someone's hand flickering the overhead light like a strobe.

"What are they doing?" Wynn muttered, half annoyed, half bemused.

"I love this song!" Lexi laughed the moment Wynn jerked the door open. She sat bright-eyed and cocooned under a pile of jackets and unrolled sleeping bag. Her long rumpled hair spilled around her beaming face. Still barely conscious, Elliott had apparently obediently turned up the volume at Lexi' request. And was now making use of his wide wing-span arm to toy with the lights, while still in his slumped over sleeping position.

"What's with the disco effect?" Wynn asked, back in smirk mode.

"Oh, Ellie's just sending out an SOS signal. We weren't sure what happened to you guys. One moment we're asleep, and the next everyone vanished."

"I thought maybe you guys were raptured, and I got left behind," Elliott offered, folding his arms over his chest. "Then I noticed this clown was still here," nodding his head towards Lexi, "and I figured I was still safe to go."

"So why are we stopped alongside the road?" Lexi asked, twisting in her seat and staring past where Wynn stood by her open door. A pair of headlights appeared and slowed as it passed their car. The window rolled down, and Julia heard someone call out to them.

"Hey, Wynn, everything ok?"

Wynn nodded and waved them along, "All good, we're coming." Julia couldn't figure out who was in the car, it was so dark.

"Ok, a couple of us are making a pit stop up at the next gas station. Bathroom break," the guy continued. All she could see was a sweater clad arm sticking out of the window.

"Alright, see you there." Julia watched as the car slowly continued on its way, then made her way back around the car. It wasn't until she was snapping in her seatbelt that she caught on to the tail-end of Elliott's dare.

"Who's racing who?" Julia asked.

"Lexi was talking trash again. And I just mentioned that we could probably get to the gas station first even with Wynn driving like a grandma." Elliott said smugly.

"Don't race, guys. Anyways that car is already ahead of us."

"Not that car," Elliott said meaningfully, "Lexi."

Julia gaped at Lexi wide-eyed. "What are you planning on doing? Running?" At the gleeful glint in her eyes, Julia started shaking her head. For once she wished she didn't know her so well, "Oh, no. Don't drag me into this!"

"C'mon, Lia! Please, pretty please?"

From the driver's seat, Wynn turned expectantly and raised an eyebrow. "So what will it be? Get out and run? Or ride with Miss Daisy?"

Lexi shot her a "please, have my back" look and nearly jumped out of the car, only slowing down to untangle herself from the cozy nest wrapped around her waist. "C'mon, Lia!" she shouted before slamming the door shut. Julia looked at Wynn, but he just laughed and shrugged.

"It's up to you," he smiled, shaking his head. Beside him, Elliott was pantomiming pulling on imaginary racing goggles and a helmet, all the while mouthing trash talk complete with random hand gestures at Lexi through the window.

"Oh, for goodness' sake," Julia mumbled, before unsnapping her seatbelt and pushing open the door for the second time. "Leave your cell phone on in case you need to call for a search party," she threatened Elliott before slamming the door shut.

The snow was a slushy black streak where Lexi was standing in front of the car head lights, and Julia's fingers became instantly frozen numb. From behind, she heard the roar of the engine, making her jump. Throwing them a dirty look, Julia saw Wynn and Elliott laugh at her reaction.

"C'mon, Lia," Lexi called out. "Head start!" and off she darted, disregarding any safety precautions. Julia hurried to catch up as Wynn continued to trail them slowly. The light from his car bounced eerie beams in front of them. When he pulled alongside the girls, Lexi shook her long hair loose from beneath hood of her coat.

"What are you doing?" Lexi shouted at him, not slowing down.

The passenger side window crept down halfway, and a warm puff of air blew against her face. "Hey," Elliott grinned at her.

But Wynn leaned over him and said, "Quit messing around."

"What?" Lexi challenged, slowing down her pace enough to switch into a loopy skip.

"Get back in the car," he said.

"No!" Lexi shouted, pulling her away from the vehicle. This time Julia giggled. It was too insane to take seriously. After a last look, Wynn sighed and drove away. A moment later, his car was out of sight, and all that was left was black against pitch black.

"Hm, maybe we should have thought this through," Lexi said, and they broke into a fit of hysterical laughter. They broke into a brisk run, puffs of air blowing from their faces into the cold night.

"Lex, you know I love your crazy impulsive side, but seriously you don't have to rise up to every challenge. Leave some for the others."

Lexi shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"Yeah, but look at us. We're abandoned in the middle of who knows where. And it's freezing! Did you seriously think you were going to be able to outrun a car?"

"Well, considering how slow Wynn was driving..."

"I thought you were asleep!"

"Can you blame a girl for trying to give her best friend some alone time with..."

"Lexi!" Julia balked, immediately embarrassed. "Was Ellie in on it too?"

Lexi snorted, "Please, poor boy can't act if his life depended on it. You know Ellie falls asleep wherever he goes."

By the time they saw the lights ahead for the Arco gas station, they had each other in stitches. Breaking into a run, they burst into the small convenience store behind the gas pumps, out of breath and giggling.

"Bathroom! Bathroom!" Lexi shrieked. Elliott was up ahead in line, his head cocked to one side, cell phone at his ear. At the same moment Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" sang from Lexi's cell phone. The happy tune stopped abruptly as Elliott clicked shut his phone. His tall frame turned slowly, eyes lighting up to see the girls had arrived safely.

"Hey, get back in line. I got to go, dude," Elliott grinned. His black hair was rumpled from being under his wool beanie, and his ski jacket was insulated and puffy, making him look even more like a giant.

"Too bad!" Lexi laughed. As the bathroom door opened, Lexi shoved past Elliott and jumped into the room, locking the door with a click. Elliott pretended to pound on the door. All around them, Julia recognized faces from A.A.C.F. People were filling up paper cups with hot cocoa, stashing up on cabin snacks, and chatting with each other while in line at the cashier or for the restroom.

"Here," and a steaming cup wafting with the aroma of coffee appeared in front of her. Julia turned around to see Wynn his arm extended bearing the condolence prize.

"Thanks," Julia smiled, warming her hands on the hot cup.

"So," he began with a deep sigh. "I guess there was a mix up with the memory card you gave me?" He kept his eyes down, staring intently at the bag of Funyuns chips he held in his hands. When she didn't respond, he looked up, a strange expression on his face.

"Mix up?" Julia repeated, confused. She tried to think back to the night he had come over to her dorm room, before leaving for winter vacation. "Was the memory card blank? I thought I had saved the script I was working on to it."

He gave her that same curious look and hesitated. "No... It wasn't blank." Something wasn't right, and she couldn't seem to pinpoint what it was. Then it started to slowly come to her. Julia had let Lexi read script meant for Leavesly Church on her laptop. But then Lexi had fallen asleep while cleaning out her backpack, and Julia had chosen that time to finish typing up her last journal entry from her senior year in high school. The card she had saved all her journals on had been left in computer. The same card Lexi grabbed and then given to Wynn when he had unexpectedly shown up.

_Oh. My. Goodness_.

As the pieces began to connect, Julia's mouth fell open, the blood drained from her face. She had to blink twice before managing to pull her gaze up to meet Wynn's.

"My journals."

Wynn cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yeah, I kind of figured that wasn't what you meant to give me."

Her mind couldn't comprehend it. She wanted to run, but he just stood there so calmly in front of her. Did he realize how mortifying this was? Well, he must know since now he knew her much, much too well. More than Lexi or Elliott would ever know.

"Did you read it?" Julia managed to squeak.

He gave her an apologetic look and shrugged. "I thought it was the Easter play."

She shook herself out of her trance as Lexi rounded the corner of the shelf arguing with Elliott about the package of pink coconut snowballs in her hand.

"If the wrapping is sealed it won't make a difference," Lexi insisted.

Elliott shrugged and said, "The cold air can still penetrate the plastic, plus with the high altitude the texture's going to be all hard and nasty."

Lexi frowned at the sugary balls and sighed as she placed them back on the shelf. Noticing Julia's panicked expression, she asked, "What happened?"

Geoff and Mudd joined them then so Julia shook her head and said, "Nothing."

Chapter Fifteen

"Lia, wake up!"

Julia groaned and rolled over as Lexi plopped on her bunk bed early the next morning. Lexi tried again, shaking her shoulder, "What happened yesterday at the gas station with Wynn?" she whispered persistently.

"What time is it?" Julia mumbled, squinting at the dimly lit sky from the cabin window. "It's so cold, and," she propped herself up on one elbow and gave Lexi a bewildered look, "You never wake up this early, what's going on?"

Lexi sat up and bounced on the creaky bed, "It's snowing outside! I can't sleep! And I'm dying to know what Wynn said to you last night!"

Someone from one of the top bunks coughed.

Julia clamped a hand down on Lexi, warning her to lower her voice. "C'mon, if you can't sleep then let's get out of here."

Lexi squealed and clapped her hands, "Snowy nature walk!" The girl coughed again, and Julia gave Lexi a swift kick from under her sleeping bag making her double over, smothering her giggles in Julia's pillow.

Bundling up in their heavy jackets, scarves, and mittens, they tromped through the fresh snow as Julia filled Lexi in on her conversation with Wynn. Julia couldn't tell if Lexi was horrified or excited by this news, her exclamations mingled somewhere in between.

"I can't believe this! So he knows all your secrets?"

"Well, I don't know how much he actually read."

"I bet he read all of it!"

Julia rolled her eyes. "More likely he got bored and couldn't make it past the first page," she mumbled. "This whole thing is just so embarrassing."

"So what does this mean?"

"Lexi, I think you're reading too much into this. It was just an accident, a mistake. It doesn't mean anything. I just wish it hadn't happen."

"I bet he likes you back," Lexi said confidently.

Julia laughed in disbelief. "What? Where did that come from?"

"It's all kind of perfect, don't you think? That your diary full of your most private thoughts would land into the hands of the guy you have a secret crush on? I'm mean seriously, I've known you since forever, and I still have a hard time figuring out what's going on inside your head sometimes! This way, Wynn has a head start and gets to see what a wonderful person you are without having to try to decipher your cryptic mind!"

"Lexi, I didn't know you were such a romantic," Julia said, shaking her head, "An optimist, yes. A romantic, I hadn't realized."

"But you two have been spending a lot of time together lately."

"Not really. I mean, the only time I see him is for youth group stuff. It's not like we hang out regularly. He barely even talks to me outside of Leavesly Church. And he definitely has not asked me out on a date."

"Well, how about when...?"

"No. And anyways, I don't think reading my diary is exactly the best way to get to know me."

"What do you mean?"

"I've written some pretty brutal stuff in there."

"It can't be that bad."

"You know I trust you completely, right?"

"Yes."

"But have I ever let you read any of my journals?"

"You're a private person."

"I'm a prideful person, and petty, and vengeful, and judgmental, and vain, and angry, and unforgiving."

"No, c'mon, Lia."

"Well, I can be. And it's all there in my journals. All my weaknesses, my true self I hide from other people. Unedited. It's not pretty."

"But, we all are," Lexi started to say then fell silent. Julia knew what she was thinking. It wasn't the same when someone was reading it on paper. It seemed harsher somehow.

Julia shuddered at the thought, feeling exposed.

"You know," Lexi said slowly.

Julia looked up at her, wary of her tone. It sounded more optimistic than this conversation warranted.

"He didn't seem that turned off by you yesterday. And this is after the fact that he already read your journals."

Julia stopped walking. "So, maybe he didn't read it all. Maybe he stopped right away."

"Or," Lexi continued, an impish smile creeping back on her face. "Maybe he read it all, and just liked what he saw in you."

"Not possible."

Lexi laughed and reached over to give Julia a tight hug. "Don't be so hard on yourself. I dare to say I know you more than anyone else does, and I love you. Why can't he also..."

"No," Julia insisted, cutting her off. "Please don't start, I don't want to...," she trailed off unwilling to admit it to herself.

"What?"

Julia looked somberly at her and confessed, "I don't want to get my hopes up just to get hurt again."

"Not every guy is going to be like Craig," Lexi said. "Not if he's the right one."

"Yeah, but how can you tell when he is?"

Lexi shrugged, searching for the right words. "He'll be able to see past the surface. And despite any imperfections he'll still want to know you more. And love you for all that you are."

If only a girl could find a guy like that, but from what Julia could tell, it was rare.

Not even her parents could pretend to love each other.

* * *

After gathering in the chapel for prayer and a morning devotional, Julia trudged through the knee deep snow trailing after Lexi and Elliott as they headed towards the cafeteria for breakfast.

"Why are we trekking through the snowdrifts again?" Julia called out to them, pulling her boots back up with effort with each step she took.

"Because," Elliott called back to her, "it has the best snow for snowballs!" He punctuated this comment with a swift illustration, sending a loosely packed pile of snow sailing towards Lexi.

"Hey!" Lexi exclaimed, shaking the chunks of ice out of her long hair. But she quickly retaliated by scooping up an armful of snow and heaving it at Elliott. The snowball fight escalated quickly, and Julia shrieked and tried to get out of their way.

"That's no way to defend yourself," she heard the familiar voice say.

Turning around she stared up to where Wynn was standing at the edge of the snowdrift, watching them with an amused expression. She felt her world spin, and she hated her own weak and foolish heart for that.

She had seen him earlier in the chapel, but he had already been sitting with his friends on the opposite side of the room, his baseball cap tugged down low over his eyes making her wonder if he was half asleep.

"I'm not getting into their snowball fight, they play dirty! I'm an innocent bystander," Julia said, keeping one eye out for any wayward snowballs.

From her lower position, she could see his eyes from beneath the cap. He was grinning at her as he reached one arm down. Relief flooded through her and she gladly took his hand as he pulled her back up to solid ground. They walked in silence but the moment he pushed open the cafeteria door, it was like entering a whole other world.

Inside the large mess hall the heater was blowing its warm air creating a cozy but stuffy atmosphere. Julia instantly felt claustrophobic. The noise level was loud with people shouting over each other, saving seats, locating friends, bustling about. Leading the way, Wynn glanced back at her, and Julia smiled gratefully at him as he used his height to scan the crowd for some empty chairs.

"Julia, you're sitting with us," Suzy announced, squeezing past a crammed row of tables to reach her. Behind her was a girl named Gracie Chan from their freshmen girls Bible study. "You're in our small group, and Alison is our leader. Our table's over there."

Julia looked at Wynn, but couldn't read his expression. The baseball cap effectively hid his eyes. "I'll see you around," he said and disappeared into the crowd.

After shedding their layers of outer clothing and dumping them over the back of their chairs, Julia once again followed the girls back into the crowd, weaving through the tables until they made their way to the end of the buffet line.

"There's Elliott," Suzy said, nudging Julia to attention.

"How did you get in line before us?" Julia asked him incredulously as he passed by them, hair wet for the recent snowball fight. His tray was already laden with an overflowing pile of scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausage, a bowl of oatmeal, and two boxes of cereal. "And save some food for us," she teased him.

"Here, catch," Elliott said. Balancing the tray in one arm, he tossed his extra box of cereal to Julia, much to Suzy's pleasure. Julia took a step back as Suzy practically pounced at her.

Snatching the small box from her hands, Suzy ripped the carton open and declared, "I _love_ Fruit Loops!"

After breakfast, everyone reconvened in the chapel for the morning message. Julia felt a bit lost as she searched for Lexi and Elliott but to no avail. There were just too many people crammed into the wood paneled building.

Afterwards, she followed her small group back to their leader Alison's cabin. As they went through the questions printed in the retreat handbook, Julia noticed some conflicting qualities about her small group leader.

Alison was seemingly demure on the outside with her porcelain baby doll appearance, but it was juxtaposed with her insincere and sarcastic personality. It bothered her that Alison focused more on getting the juicy scoop on the girls in her group using the discussion questions as bait, rather than delving into the meaning of the Bible passage they were reading.

"What about you, _Julia_ ," Alison practically sneered at her, although a smile remained plastered across her face. "You're so quiet I keep forgetting you're there."

Julia looked up from where she was sitting on the bottom bunk bed next to Gracie, her back leaning against the cold wall. The other girls turned to look at her as well, and Gracie wordlessly passed a bag of Gummy bears to her.

Taking a red Gummy bear, Julia squeezed it between her fingers and tried to remember what the original question was. They had gone so far off topic she wasn't sure how to respond. It didn't help matters that she couldn't seem to stop daydreaming about Wynn either. Before she could collect her thoughts, Alison let out an annoyed sigh and stood up.

"Alright," she said bitingly. "If no one else has anything to add, then we should move on to the next thing on our agenda, which is to prepare for our Talent Show."

The girls met this announcement with a mix of squeals of delight and groans.

"Do we have to all be in it?"

"Yes," Alison stated, casting the girl who was sprawled on the top bunk a glare. "The Talent Show is on the last night, which means we have to figure out what we'll be doing now so we can use today and tomorrow's free time to practice."

"Let's do a skit."

"No, Body Worship."

"Everyone always does Body Worship."

"Whatever, everyone always does a skit."

"Stop," Alison barked, effectively shushing up the two upperclassmen Julia barely knew. "I was thinking we could do a dance to Leona Lewis' song 'Bleeding Love.'"

"That's not a Christian song."

"It's called a metaphor, like how Jesus bled on the cross because He loved us."

"But the lyrics are talking about how the love cuts her open and she's bleeding love."

"So?" Alison retorted, already plugging in a tiny stereo and popping in her Leona Lewis CD.

"Well, it doesn't make sense. Are we supposed to be the ones bleeding, or is it supposed to represent God?"

"You are thinking way too much about this, Jane. Relax."

"Shouldn't we vote on this?" Jane Ngo insisted. "Some of us want to do skits."

"Look, we don't have a whole lot of time to be arguing about this. I already have a routine worked out, so all you have to do is learn it and it will be amazing."

If Lexi had been sitting next to her maybe Julia would've been brave enough to laugh. But as it was she just struggled to keep her face expressionless and watched with amusement as Alison started showing them her moves in the narrow space between the bunk beds. She was actually pretty good but most of the routine looked really difficult.

"She's on the dance team at school," Jane muttered as way of explanation at the awed expressions on the freshmen girls' faces.

"Ok, now you try it," Alison ordered after the song ended.

"There's no room in this cabin."

"Fine, it's almost lunch time, but afterwards everyone meet again in the chapel for rehearsals."

"But isn't that our free time?" Suzy complained.

"Do you want to be the only small group who's not ready on Talent Show night? I get it, you're a freshman and it's your first time at retreat. But I'm being your best friend right now when I'm telling you: Talent Show is a big deal. Every year everyone goes all out and I don't want my small group to be the one that falls flat."

"In that case I should probably be in charge of pressing play on the stereo," Jane said. "You know I don't dance."

"I'll help her with that," Julia quickly added.

Alison threw her a disgusted look. "No one needs to press play. Wynn will be taking care of all the sound and media stuff."

At the mention of his name, Julia froze. For sure now she was definitely not going to be up in front dancing. It was bad enough he'd already seen her diary, no need for further embarrassment.

Opening the cabin door as way of ending their small group time, Alison turned around and said, "Jane, you can stand in the back, no one will notice you."

_What about me?_ Julia wanted to say.

But before she could, Alison spat out, "The rest of you, just suck it up."

* * *

By the time Julia and the girls from her small group entered the cafeteria for lunch, it was crowded and everyone was already eating. Since there was limited seating left, they couldn't all sit together, and the other girls soon dispersed leaving Julia to fend for herself.

She approached the buffet cart and grimaced at the sparse leftovers. There were a few scoops of ground beef, a sprinkle of shredded cheese, and half of a cracked taco shell. Unsure of where to sit, she left a surge of relief when Geoff spotted her and waved her over to his table.

"Hey, Julia, come sit over here," he hollered from across the room, a big grin in place. It wasn't until she was standing in front of him that she realized there wasn't any empty space at his table.

She did however notice that Wynn was sitting a couple seats down from Geoff, making her hesitated. Everyone at the table looked around confused, not understanding where Geoff meant for Julia to sit down.

"C'mon, guys," Geoff reprimanded them. "Dan, aren't you done eating?"

Dan shook his head in disbelief, and pushed back his chair. "Here, Julia, you can take my seat. I guess I'm done eating," he said, picking up his half finished plate.

"No, Dan, it's alright," Julia quickly reassured him, trying to get him to sit back down.

"It's no big deal," he mumbled and left the table.

"Thank you," Julia called after him weakly.

Geoff gallantly kicked the empty chair back as way of offering it to her, and Julia silently slid into it feeling guilty about doing so. Sneaking a peak at Wynn, Julia saw him smothering back a laugh. For some reason whenever he was around his friends he tended to act a little differently and she wasn't sure if she liked that. For a split second their eyes met and the smirk disappeared from his face.

Looking down at his plate, he nonchalantly began stuffing his mouth with an overstuffed beef taco. Across from her, Geoff was holding court, cracking jokes and making the guys roar with laughter. Julia settled into her seat letting the easy-going banter flow around her without having to take part of it. She was sipping her cup of Jasmine tea when she felt a pair of eyes on her.

"Is that all you're eating?" Wynn asked in a low voice. He was staring at the measly portion on her plate.

"There wasn't much left by the time we got here," she explained.

"Here," he said, pushing his plate towards her. There wasn't much left except for an apple, some beef drippings, leftover salsa, cheese crumbs, and the last bite of the taco he had yet to finish eating.

Julia hesitated. It was really sweet he was offering what he had, but it was also kind of unappetizing. Just then Geoff noticed Wynn shoving his plate towards her.

"Didn't you get enough food to eat? Why didn't you tell me you were still hungry?" Geoff demanded and started looking around at other people's plates.

Panicked, Julia quickly grabbed Geoff's arm, "Please don't start making people give up their lunches for me. I'm good, honest." To prove her point, she reached out and grabbed the yellowish red fruit from Wynn's plate and took a bite.

Geoff was still eyeing Mudd's plate of uneaten tacos, to which Mudd responded by emitting a low growl and hovered more tightly over his plate, taking a large menacing bite out of the taco, snapping it in two.

After lunch, Julia was wrapping her long knit scarf around her neck when Geoff asked, "Julia, you coming with us to go snow tubing?"

"I have to rehearse for the Talent Show with my small group first."

Geoff groaned. "Let me guess, you have Alison as your leader, right? Man, she can be such a drag. Tell her to forget it, no amount of jumping in the air doing the splits is going to beat Big Poppa's break dancing rap."

Julia swiveled to look over at Wynn for confirmation and repeated, "Big Poppa's break dancing rap?"

Wynn smirked and nodded.

"Big Poppa," Geoff said, pointing to himself.

"Break dancing rap," Wynn echoed his eyes full of mischief.

Julia laughed, "I can't wait to see that."

Chapter Sixteen

Dance rehearsal was miserable. The routine was more complicated than Julia had initially realized, and it didn't help that both Suzy and Gracie were naturally talented dancers, taking to the complex dance moves with ease. Even Jane although stiff was starting to get the hang of it. But for some reason Julia always ended up a step behind everyone else.

After a couple run through, Alison finally got fed up with her and snapped, "You just lack confidence, _Julia._ Stop watching the other girls, that's what's slowing you down. You have to know the next move on your own and go for it. Don't follow them. We're supposed to be in sync!"

Alison huffed and marched towards the sound booth to recue the song. She had to do it herself since no one was around to do it for her. She had been disappointed when Julia had informed her that Wynn had gone snow tubing with Geoff and the others and wouldn't be able to take care of the music for them.

They were midway through the song when a flood of wet but boisterous flush-faced guys came into the chapel, sloshing in snow from their thick jackets and heavy boots. Julia froze, waiting for Alison to turn into a tyrant and yell at them to give them some privacy. But she was disappointed. The added attention seemed to only make Alison more animated as she led their small group in finishing the dance routine with a flourish to a thunder of applause.

"That was awesome," Geoff hooted from the back of the room where he was making himself comfortable. "Alright, now go enjoy the snow. It's our turn to practice."

The girls looked at Alison waiting for her command. She nodded at them and said in a sugary sweet voice, "Good job, girls!"

Having only seen Lexi and Elliott in passing ever since breakfast, Julia wasn't sure where to find them. So she gratefully accepted Suzy and Gracie's invitation to hangout in the cafeteria for the rest of free time. A couple tables were occupied by groups of people playing various games of cards. One of the tables held a familiar face, and Julia smiled with relief as she rushed towards him, "Ellie!"

Elliott turned around and smiled, "Hey, want to join us?"

"Sure," Julia said. "Let me just get something hot to drink first, I'm freezing."

"I'll come with you," Gracie said as Suzy deserted them, making a beeline to squeeze herself between Elliott and his Bible study leader Rob Morioka, the "Hoppa" as Suzy called him.

Flipping through the assortment of individual apple cider, hot cocoa, coffee, and tea packages, Julia was debating between the French Vanilla or Hazelnut flavors when she was vaguely aware of the fact that someone had joined them. Stealing a sidelong glance, Julia recognized the sleeve of the puffy navy blue jacket immediately.

"Hey," she heard his low voice greet them as he reached for a mug.

"Hi," Gracie replied back. She had taken an orange from the three-tier basket that held a variety of fruit, and was peeling off the skin.

Steadying herself, Julia looked up at him. "Hi," she echoed. His expression was guarded. Gracie was looking at her with an expectant expression on her face, so Julia added, "This is Gracie. Have you met Wynn?"

"Yeah, I know who you are," Gracie said.

At the same time Wynn said, "Oh, hey, nice to meet you."

He paused to survey the beverage choices before him then in a change of attitude he leaned over and said conspiringly, "What are you getting?"

Julia smiled, "Too hard to decide, French Vanilla or Hazelnut?"

Pretending to think hard, Wynn finally said, "Both?"

Julia faked a gasp. "Can we do that?"

Glancing over his shoulder as if to make sure no one was watching them, he said to Gracie, "You won't tell, will you?" Gracie giggled and shook her head no. Wynn looked back at Julia and said in his most serious tone, "Only this one time."

Julia nodded and crossed her heart, "Promise."

Placing the two packets together he ripped both tops open with one deft move and poured the brown powder into his mug.

"There's no turning back now," he teased with mock seriousness, as he pushed the button to release the hot water from the canister and handed the steaming mug to Julia.

"Thank you," she said before taking a sip. From the corner of her eye Julia noticed Gracie staring at her with a knowing look.

A couple card games later, Julia was stepping out of the cafeteria with her friends back into the cold snow covered grounds when an unexpected flurry of snowballs suddenly began to sail about their heads.

"We're being attacked!" Suzy shrieked, ducking behind Gracie for protection. This exclamation was greeted with a roar of laughter as several guys jumped out from behind trees in front of Cedar Chapel. Julia recognized them to be the guys from Geoff's small group, clearly done with rehearsing for their breaking dancing rap. All around her people quickly began scooping up balls of snow and throwing them back at the assailants without mercy.

"Protect the women and children!" Rob yelled in a playful show of bravado, throwing his body over Gracie, who was standing closest to him. She laughed in response.

"Forget that," Elliott countered. "I'm using their defenseless bodies as a shield," and he pretended to make a grab at Julia's arm. She laughed and moved out of his reach.

"Regroup! Regroup!" a guy from Geoff's group was shouting. They laughed and tumbled, throwing snowballs with a fury, at times blindly as snow rained down in arching clumps from above.

Upon seeing Julia and her friends, Geoff began advancing towards them calling to his buddies, "Why are these girls so dry? Is this a snowball fight or isn't it?"

To her dismay, Elliott and his friends suddenly turned towards them with the same mischievous grins. Suzy was the first to break rank and she ran away squealing, Elliott taking off after her, scooping up handfuls of snowballs as he pursued her. Gracie clung to Julia's arm for a moment before abandoning her in a shriek, followed by Rob close at her heels.

Julia stared wide eyed at the two guys standing in front of her.

"You wouldn't dare," she said, her mind racing.

Geoff threw Wynn a glance then charged towards her a wide grin on his face. Without a second thought, Julia jumped up to smash the closest icicles dangling from the rooftop off, catching one before it fell, while the others shattered across the icy ground.

"Oh, no you didn't," Geoff laughed appreciatively, but backed up slightly as Julia threw him a challenging smile and raised her icy dagger.

"Oh, yes I did," she said, feeling cocky. She glanced behind him at Wynn, who was standing back an amused expression on his face. He held her eyes, his smile expectant as if to say "give your best shot." That was all the encouragement she needed.

Fist tight around her icicle, Julia bent to scoop up a handful of snow with her free hand before leaping towards Geoff to swing an arching throw before releasing her mound of snow towards his face. Geoff ducked, dodging the white blow before rushing at her, encircling his arm around her waist and carried her off towards a snow bank. Not giving up, Julia used the icicle to strike at his back only to shatter the useless ice shards.

Still slung half across Geoff's back, Julia looked up to see Wynn running towards her with a huge pile of snow in his arms. She squirmed free of Geoff's hold a second before Wynn came knocking Geoff to the ground. Julia stepped away as both guys fell to the ground with Wynn throwing his mound of snow on top of Geoff, burying half his body. Pushing her hair away from her face, Julia thought for one fleeting moment that she was safe, when she was suddenly jerked to the ground.

Her eyes flew open with surprise to stare straight into Wynn's laughing face.

"Whose side are you on?" she yelped, pulling her arm free from his hold.

"No man's," Wynn smirked. When she frowned at him, he quickly dropped the attitude, his expression unreadable, "Truce?"

Sitting up in the wet snow, Julia shrieked and covered her head as snow flew about her. She looked up to see Elliott running back to bury Geoff under yet another pile of snow.

Wynn stood up and leaned down to offer her a hand. Julia took it, brushing the snow off her pants with her free hand as he pulled her up. Tilting his head down, he caught her eyes, reached into his pocket and pulled out two crumpled and wet packets of hot cocoa mix.

"Round two," he asked and she smiled.

* * *

The evening, after the closing worship set, Julia was still scribbling down notes in the retreat booklet, when she vaguely noticed the main lights were being turned back on and the worship team up in front was dispersing. Julia absentmindedly nodded as Lexi told she was going to join her small group and stood up to leave. It wasn't until Gracie came over to tap her on the shoulder that she finally looked up.

"Alison's getting impatient," Gracie whispered. Behind her, Suzy was staring at her strangely as if not understanding how anyone could possibly have so many things to write down. Julia quickly shoved her booklet, pen and Bible back into her knapsack and stood up.

Small group was more or less the same as before, awkward, tense, and uninspiring, which was disappointing considering how thoughtful and well-constructed the discussion questions printed in the retreat booklet were. Julia missed Natalie and their regular Bible study group back on campus.

"Do you think there's still any refreshment left in the cafeteria?" Suzy asked as they trudged out of Alison's cabin towards their own.

"Some Cup-o-Noodle sounds good," Gracie said.

"I'll share one with you," Suzy offered.

"Ok."

As the girls made their way down the darkened path, their boots squishing through the cold slush, streaking rays from flashlights came swinging towards them from the opposite end of the trail.

"Is the cafeteria still open?" Suzy called to the shadowed figures.

"Nope, just closed."

"I saved some oranges from lunch," Gracie told them. "It's back in my cabin."

"Let's go."

Turning around, the girls headed back up the path towards the Girl's Cabins.

Julia ended up hanging out in Gracie's cabin until lights out. The other girls were already changed into their pajamas. Some of them were snug in their sleeping bags, others still visiting with each other, when a knock came at the door.

"Security," a guy's voice called out.

With a huge smile, Suzy quickly jumped out of Gracie's bunk and ran to open the door. Gracie looked at Julia and they exchanged a suppressed giggle.

"Hi!" Suzy said, then whirled around and to announce, "Julia, it's Wynn!"

Julia climbed out of Gracie's bunk and joined Suzy at the door, peering out.

"You're security?"

"For tonight," he smirked. "We rotate. Is this your cabin?"

"No, I'm two cabins down."

"Lexi was looking for you," he informed her.

"C'mon, Suzy," Julia said. "Goodnight, Gracie. Thanks for the oranges."

Gathering up their stuff, the girls headed back out to the bitingly frigid darkness.

"Lights out," Wynn reminded the cabin before closing the door.

"Night, Wynn," a chorus of girls sang out and the light emanating from the windows flickered off.

Dropping Suzy off at the next cabin, with Wynn giving his protocol lights out warning, he and Julia continued the last couple of steps over to the front steps of her cabin.

"Cold out," Julia said as they reached her door, the visible puff of air escaping with each breath blew out in agreement. "How much longer do you have to stay out?"

"I'm almost done, just have to check the guy's cabins and Rec. room for stragglers," he answered nonchalantly.

Julia fought back the urge to offer to walk with him. He didn't need a babysitter.

"Well," she said, giving him a smile, "Thanks for walking me back."

She was about to open the door when he said, "Everything is good between us, right?"

Julia turned to face him. He was looking back at her the distance he usually put between them whenever his friends were around was gone.

Something about his expression garnered honesty, so she took a deep breath and said, "I was pretty mortified when I first found out about my journals. I can be brutally honest in them because I figure no one's ever going to read them."

"I'm sorry I read it."

"You did?" she squeaked, panic threatening to set back in.

He nodded.

"How much?"

"Enough."

Julia shuddered at the thought of him reading all her embarrassing entries and stood there in front of him feeling completely stripped away.

"What are you thinking?" he asked me.

She swallowed hard. Something that had been nagging at the back of her mind came racing to the fore.

"Trying to figure out what God's trying to do by letting you read my journal."

He laughed rather sheepishly, "Any conclusions?"

Trust in God in the good times and in the bad.

Sounds good in theory, but how do I trust Him when I don't understand what it is He is doing? What does that trust look like in a practical sense?

"Maybe," Julia faltered, struggling with the right words, "I think I relied too much on my journals before, I depended on it like a security blanket. I could hide behind it and become invisible," She shrugged.

"I don't think you hide."

Julia laughed. That was true only in his case. Maybe it was because he was such a straightforward guy. He spoke the truth, so it made it easier for her to do the same.

"You're the anomaly. I can talk to you."

She meant it as a compliment. But the guarded look on his face came back like a fortress.

"Ok, well, I better let you go inside," Wynn said finally.

He took a step back then headed down the path.

Chapter Seventeen

For some reason Elliott was in an extra grouchy mood the next morning.

"Where do you want to sit?" he grumbled as they entered the already crowded cafeteria.

"Hm," Lexi mused, scanning the crowd. "He's not here yet," she whispered cryptically at Julia, making her frown. She had insisted that nothing happened the night before, but Lexi seemed to think otherwise.

Elliott stopped at an empty table towards the back of the cafeteria. "Feeling anti-social?" Lexi teased him, as she pulled out a chair and proceeded to dump her belongings on it, slipping out of her snowboarding jacket and tossing that on top of the pile.

"Are you done staking your claim?" Elliott grumbled.

Unaffected by his mood, Lexi just cupped his jaw with her hand, giving it a slight squeeze. "C'mon, let's get some food into you."

A few minutes later Lexi was busy scooping large portions of scrambled eggs on to Elliott's plate, which he held out for her. Julia had a sneaky feeling he was enjoying Lexi's undivided attention, even though he refused to wipe the grumpy expression off his face.

Julia reached for the large serving spoon and was attempting to scoop up an uncooperative sausage, when Wynn appeared at her side. He appeared even more exhausted and scraggily than Elliott, but in a much better mood.

"Hey, mind if I cut in? I overslept."

"Yeah, of course, no problem," Julia said, moving aside slightly to make room for him. She glanced over her shoulder but didn't know the person standing behind them. Wynn looked too and gave the girl a feeble wave.

"Morning, Wynn. Tough night?" the girl joked easily with him.

He let out a low raspy chuckle and cleared his throat. "Not too bad."

At the end of the buffet line, Julia walked with Wynn to the beverage cart. The first cup she took from the rack was heavily encrusted with leftover food around the rim.

"That's unappetizing," Wynn remarked, leaning in close to check out the crusty residue. He reached over to lift a new cup from the rack. They both peered inside and spotted the yellowish stain along the side, and shared a disgusted look. He dug around a little more until fishing out two decently clean cups.

"Thanks."

Julia was pouring herself some tea when Lexi leaned in and whispered, "So nothing happened, huh?"

When they got back to their table, Julia was surprised to see Wynn's laptop case and Bible already placed next to her stuff. Lexi noticed too and refused to stop smiling.

* * *

The morning continued with more mixed signals.

"What did you do to her?" Suzy whispered to Julia during small group time. She shrugged also wondering why Alison was throwing daggers in her direction throughout the discussion.

"You know who's a really great dancer?" Alison said out of the blue towards the end of their small group discussion. Julia had no idea where this was coming from, but assumed it stemmed from her thinking about their Talent Show routine later tonight.

"I think she's asking you," Suzy hissed at Julia under her breath.

Julia looked up to see Alison staring straight at her.

"Ginger Rogers?"

"Kate."

_Who's Kate?_ Julia wondered, but didn't say it out loud, not really caring.

From the bunk bed across from them, Jane let out a loud sigh.

"Yes, we know. You and Kate are both on the school dance team," Jane muttered.

Ignoring her, Alison continued staring at Julia and said, "So I hear you and your friends have been following Wynn to his church?"

Julia was slightly taken aback at the turn of the conversation. "We help out with his church's youth group."

"Yeah, we all love Wynn," Alison curtly went on, obviously not caring to hear about the ministry. "He's a great guy. I just feel so bad for him."

She paused and smiled meaningfully at Julia. She refused to be baited but instead held her gaze.

Suzy shifted around uneasily next to her.

From behind Alison, Jane stood up annoyed. "Is the small group discussion part over?"

Ignoring Jane, Alison continued, "You know, because I'm sure he's really bored and lonely without Kate."

"Who's Kate?" Suzy murmured.

Julia shrugged, equally confused.

From the other side of Suzy, Gracie said softly, "Alison's roommate."

At the same time, Alison and Jane answered, "Wynn's girlfriend."

Time froze. The room spun.

The buzzing had yet to stop ringing in her ears, when Suzy sat up and said in a bored voice, "Oh, that's nice."

Ignoring her as well, Alison said, "You look surprised, _Jul_ ia. Didn't Wynn mention Kate to you? You know they've been dating since freshmen year, totally perfect for each other."

"Well, that's wonderful," Suzy said a little louder this time, pulling Julia up with her as she stood up. "We're planning on meeting some people for free time so we better go. C'mon, Gracie."

The door slammed, and Julia looked around to realize Suzy had dragged her back to her own cabin with Gracie close behind. Julia leaned wearily against the ladder of the closest bunk bed and stared in bewilderment at the two girls she barely knew.

They both stood in front of her, concern and curiosity written on their faces.

"I take it you didn't know Wynn had a girlfriend."

Julia let out a huge breath.

"No."

Suzy crossed her arms and looked at Gracie. "How crazy do you think Alison is? I mean, we all know there's something not quite right with that girl. But would she make something like that up?"

"Jane said she was Wynn's girlfriend too," Gracie pointed out.

"So you know this Kate? Because this is the first time I've ever heard of her," Suzy said, still unconvinced.

"Yeah, I've seen her pictures. They're all over their wall in Alison's apartment," Gracie said.

"What does she look like?" Suzy couldn't resist asking.

Gracie glanced sympathetically over at Julia then said, "Gorgeous."

Julia groaned. "Of course she is."

"So where is she? Why haven't we met her yet?"

"She's studying abroad this year in Hong Kong. Supposedly she's also really good at Kung-fu and got this small part in a movie overseas," Gracie added reluctantly.

"Did you know?" Julia asked her.

"I didn't know she was dating Wynn," Gracie admitted. "I mean, there are just so many people at A.A.C.F. Those first couple of weeks Alison was throwing names around, but half the time I had no idea who she was talking about. She might have mentioned it, but I didn't know who he was at the time."

"You're not dating him, are you?" Suzy asked skeptically.

"No, I'm not," Julia assured her. "I just feel like a complete idiot."

"He's easy on the eyes."

Julia groaned. "I just can't believe it," she murmured, feeling a headache coming on.

Suzy shrugged. "No harm done. Nothing happened, right? You didn't know he was taken. So you had a crush."

_But it's more than that_ , Julia bemoaned silently _. I thought he liked me too._

"C'mon, let's go do something fun. We didn't get a chance to try out snow tubing yesterday," Suzy coaxed. "Forget Wynn."

"Do you think other people knew?"

"What? That you liked Wynn?" Suzy shrugged. "I wasn't sure myself until Alison singled you out like that. It's college. Everyone flirts with everyone. It's not a big deal."

It sounded so easy. No big deal, shallow feelings.

But she couldn't get her heart to stop aching.

Why am I such an idiot?

Rubbing her eyes, Julia said, "I think I'm just going to take a little nap."

"Are you sure?"

Before the door closed behind then, Julia said, "If you happen to see Lexi, can you tell her where to find me?"

"Sure."

* * *

"Lia, are you sleeping?" Julia felt a cold hand lay across her forehead. "I just heard what happened. Are you ok?"

She rolled slowly away from the wall and opened her eyes to see Lexi hovering over her. "Am I crazy? Did I just imagine he was interested in me?"

"He was definitely friendly, and especially to you. But some people just have a naturally friendly personality. It doesn't mean anything to them."

"If you said that about Geoff, I'd believe you. But I thought Wynn was different."

"Did he ever do anything, you know, outside of being a friend?"

"No. I guess it was just me then, living in my own little fantasy again."

Lexi hugged her. "I'm so sorry, Lia."

* * *

The day passed by in a blur. After the evening message, everyone was dismissed with their small groups to prepare for the greatly anticipated Talent Show. Battling the increasingly uneasy twist in her stomach, Julia stared at her pale face in the bathroom mirror of Alison's cabin.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Julia mumbled.

Next to her, Suzy sighed. "You'll be fine." She paused as she applied bright red gloss on her lips. "Here, put some of this on," she suggested, handing her the small round container.

Taking it, Julia smeared some on her finger and rubbed it against her lips. Suzy smiled and nodded with approval.

"You look good," Gracie said, entering the tiny bathroom to plug in a hair straighter and proceeded to make her long hair shimmery smooth.

"Like war paint," Julia muttered, darkening the color with another coat.

Suzy laughed, not offended. Digging through her make-up bag she pulled out a tube of midnight mascara and a stick of charcoal eyeliner, and said, "Exactly."

Julia tilted her head back slightly, opened wide her eyes, and let Suzy have a go at her lashes.

A couple minutes later there was an impatient knock on the bathroom door.

"Time to go," Alison announced.

Suzy opened the door and Alison's eyes widen slightly at their appearance but swiftly composed herself. Gathering up her stuff as they prepared to head back to Cedar Chapel, Alison came over to Julia and said, "Hey, about earlier. I'm sorry you didn't know Wynn was already dating someone. I just noticed the way you kept looking at him and I didn't want to see you get hurt by thinking anything could ever happen between the two of you."

Julia turned to stare at her.

A picture of innocence, Alison continued in a sweet voice, "I could tell you were infatuated by him. But honestly, I think he's immune to it. He doesn't even notice other girls in that way. He's totally in love with Kate. You should see them together. No hard feelings, ok?"

Steeling herself, Julia flipped her hair over one shoulder and shot Alison an extra bright smile. "Of course, I totally understand."

Suzy came up next to her and looped her arm around Julia's, her smile not quite matching the glare in her eyes.

Alison took note of Suzy's menacing look then shrugged and moved to open the door. "C'mon, I want to get a good seat," she snapped brusquely. "You're all going to make me late."

Straightening her shoulders, head held up higher than was comfortable, Julia walked past Alison, out of the warmth of the heated cabin and out into the frigid cold darkness.

Chapter Eighteen

The ride back to campus was quiet, to say the least. The thought of trying to switch out of Wynn's car crossed Julia's mind, but she stopped short of doing it, refusing to be a coward. She had done nothing wrong and had no reason to run away. Despite her internal pep talks, she still avoided being around Wynn and his friends. The thought that any of them had also known about her impossible crush was humiliating.

They made a quick detour at a McDonalds outside the campsite with Wynn and Elliott both ordering large fries despite having eaten lunch less than an hour ago.

"And an ice cream cone," Lexi called into the drive-thru box.

"In this weather," Wynn had asked skeptically.

But Lexi was insistent. Julia wasn't hungry so declined getting anything even after Wynn asked her a second time. The moment they pulled out back into the street, Lexi promptly fell asleep, her ice cream cone untouched.

"Hey, Ellie," Julia whispered, pointing to Lexi when he turned around from the passenger seat.

Elliott laughed silently at Lexi sleeping while still managing to hold her ice cream cone upright. Releasing his seatbelt, he stretched all the way around until he hovered right in front of Lexi's dozing face. Then with one deft move, he bent down and in two quick big bites devoured first the melting swirled vanilla ice cream and in the second mouthful, the top half of her cone.

Sitting back in his seat, snapping on his seat buckle, he threw Julia a mischievous look while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. His cheeks were still stuffed with their stolen loot.

Wynn glanced at her wordlessly, but other than shaking his head with his usual semi-amused expression, just continued munching on his fries.

Crumpling up the grease stained paper bag, Elliott let out a huge satisfied sigh, and reached to pull his seat back into reclining position. A few seconds later he started snoring softly. Without either Lexi or Elliott to carry on a conversation with Wynn, Julia closed her eyes too.

The false bravado she had been hiding behind was draining. From the moment Suzy had transformed her face with the war paint, Julia had slipped behind that mask as if it were a protective armor.

Geoff's wolf whistle the moment Julia stepped into Cedar Chapel had been the first tally on her fragile mental scoreboard. She wasn't even sure exactly who she was competing against: Alison, for making her feel insignificant, or Kate, the mere mention of her name giving Julia an inferiority complex? All she knew was the burning anger inside of her just raging to be set free.

The car winded back down the mountain, showing off a panoramic view of the shimmering lake and majestic snow covered trees. But instead of noticing them, Julia clung to the images from the night before, letting them flash through her mind, grasping at any feelings of worth they gave her like a child yearning for her security blanket.

Dancing on the stage had been a black blur. The second the music went on, Julia slipped behind her mask, forcing on a false bravado.

Only one thought echoed through her mind as she danced: Lack confidence, do I, Alison? I'll show you confidence.

Before the last note faded away, Julia was aware of the ear shattering cheers and Geoff's approving howl reverberating off the four sides of the packed room.

She was practically shaking by the time she reached her seat.

Both Lexi and Elliott were gaping at her wide eyed.

" _Lia, you can dance?" Lexi screamed at her in order to be heard over the still thunderous roar of the applause, her smile splitting her face. "Lia, you can dance!"_

"Hey!"

Julia jolted from her sleeping position in the car as Lexi's yelp brought her careening back to the present. They were no longer on the mountain, but back down the mountainside racing down the flat billboard-littered freeway.

"What happened to my ice cream cone?"

Julia bit back a laugh at the sight of Lexi's horrified expression as she stared at the gnarled stub of a dripping cone left between her fingers. Elliott nonchalantly turned around and looked at it as well.

"That's nasty, Lex," he said impishly.

"Did you eat it?" Lexi demanded.

Elliott feigned a wide eyed innocent look. "Me? I'm not the one who was licking and chomping on an ice cream cone while fast asleep. There must be some medical term for this disease, sleep-eating is it? Not the most pretty picture."

Lexi glared at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. "You owe me an ice cream cone, Elliott Angel Raphael Lee," she demanded and threw the soggy stump at the back of his head.

"Hey," he protested, wiping at the sticky lump, making Julia laugh out loud.

From the rear view mirror, Wynn caught her eye. But before he could say anything, Julia turned her head away and closed her eyes, pretending to go back to sleep.

* * *

Later that night Julia was sitting at her desk, her laptop glowing in front of her. The keyboard called out to her. Her hands ached to tap out the tangled thoughts tumbling around in her head, but she resisted, the same way she ignored the last two empty pages in her journal stubbornly leaving them empty.

Instead she logged online and aimlessly clicked through the latest scoops on her favorite celebrities. She was looking at photographs of Taylor Swift walking through an airport terminal, admiring the cut of her winter coat and boots, when the door opened slightly. Lexi poked her head in, her expression expectant.

"What's up?" Julia asked.

"Wynn's here," she mouthed. "He wants to talk to you."

Julia glanced down. She was wearing her pink and yellow plaid pajama bottoms and a light blue long sleeved thermo shirt, her hair twisted up in a loose ponytail. The war paint long washed off.

Lexi and Elliott had been hanging out in the common area, both wearing their matching Aosta Verde University logo hooded shirts and sweatpants, playing some video game on the suite TV. They had planned on ordering pizza. It wasn't so much that Julia cared about how she looked physically, but she didn't feel mentally or emotionally prepared to see him.

Feeling caught off guard, Julia shook my head slowly.

Lexi hid her disappointment and closed the door. Julia was scrolling through several websites for a tailored coat that resembled the one Taylor Swift was wearing when Lexi slipped back into the room.

"He left," Lexi announced, handing her the small disc. "He just wanted to return your memory card to you."

Julia nodded and took it from her.

"What are you doing?"

"Buying a $278 winter coat."

"Your mom's going to kill you."

Julia shrugged.

"She does it all the time."

Chapter Nineteen

Winter quarter began without a hitch. Julia was glad for the routine of her early morning class schedule. Its rigidness gave her a sense of security and consistency, whereas the rest of her world seemed to be completely falling apart at its seams. She stopped attending A.A.C.F. large group meetings on Wednesday nights, dropped out of Natalie's Bible study group, and refused to attend Leavesly Church with Lexi and Elliott on Friday nights and Sundays.

"Why are you letting one guy control your life, Lia?" Lexi demanded. They were standing by the stove in the common area, with Lexi chopping up green onions and Napa cabbage on her tiny wooden cutting board. Julia's job was to watch the pot of water boil. "You're just going to drop out of church because of a crush?"

"It's not just about Wynn. And anyways, I'm busy. I have a lot of studying to do."

Which was true, she even added a beginner's Computer graphic design class to her schedule to fill in her Wednesday nights. She'd never been much of an artist, but found learning how to create images on the computer appealing. Maybe eventually she could figure how to create her own stationary, having always been slightly obsessed with finding the perfect stationary paper.

"I see bubbles," Julia announced, alerting Lexi. She came to check on the water, then added Ramen noodles and cracked a couple eggs into the pot.

"What about the Easter play?" Lexi persisted, trying another tactic. "Are you going to let down all our kids? It's not their fault any of this stuff with Wynn happened."

"You can still use the script I started working on." To prove her point, Julia marched back into their room. Opening the bottom drawer of her desk, she pulled out the Sanrio Chocó cat tin box she stored her stamps and address labels, and dug out the correct blue memory card.

Lexi was scooping the noodle soup into three bowls when Julia returned and handed her a newly printed hard copy of the Easter play. Knowing Lexi, if she had given her the memory card while she was cooking, it would end up in her pocket and eventually at the bottom of a washing machine.

"Is Ellie joining us?"

Lexi shrugged. "He'll turn up sooner or later."

They brought the food to the low coffee table and sat down.

Between bites Lexi said, "Well, you're at least still going to church, right?" Apparently she wasn't giving up on this subject.

"I already told you, I need a break away from seeing Wynn. I'm fine. I'm over him. I just need a little space and time, that's all."

"I'm sure Geoff wouldn't mind giving you a ride to Aosta Verde Church."

Julia made a face. "Not too thrilled about seeing Alison."

Lexi gave her a stern look.

"We'll see. Maybe," Julia conceded.

Lexi nodded, looking a little sad. But she dropped the matter for now. Picking up her chopsticks she took another small bite of her noodle.

* * *

Coming out of her Computer graphic class on Wednesday night, Julia received a text message from Natalie saying she missed her at A.A.C.F. tonight and was wondering if she free for lunch the next day. Since Natalie had never been anything but nice to her, Julia texted back that she was available.

"There's this great dim sum place I love off campus," Natalie said the next day as she pulled out of the cul-de-sac behind Julia's dorm building.

Crisscrossing across town, they were soon seated at a table with waitresses pushed their carts full of tiny dumplings, potstickers, and Shaomais around. Natalie ordered from one cart then said, "I heard what happened at retreat. Jane told me."

Julia looked up, chopsticks frozen over the translucently wrapped dim sum.

"Don't worry. No one else knows. Jane confided in me because she didn't think what Alison did was right. And when you stopped showing up for Bible study and large group meetings, I was worried she might have really hurt you."

Sitting back quietly, Julia mustered the courage to ask, "Who else knows I liked Wynn?"

"Other than Jane, I haven't heard anything. I promise, Julia, I didn't even realize you did. If I had, I would've told you about Kate Li. They're both a year older than me, so ever since I've known them, they've always been together. They're one of those couples that just makes sense. I guess I just assumed everyone knew Wynn was taken."

"What's Kate like?"

"Beautiful, confident, out-going," she said, making Julia cringe. "They're both Communication majors, but while Wynn wants to be behind the camera, Kate lives to be in front of it."

Another cart came by, and Natalie ordered some small tins of Char siu bau and Lotus leaf rice.

Motioning for Julia to help herself, Natalie smiled and said, "Anyways, there's plenty of other guys at A.A.C.F."

Julia sighed, "Yeah, but none who are as good as Wynn."

Natalie laughed and said, "What do you see in him anyways? I mean, sure he's nice to look at, but so is Geoff, and Rob."

"I don't know. I just like how much he loves God. He takes it really seriously and puts the youth group kids' needs above his own, and he's thoughtful and funny and a really good leader."

Natalie stopped chewing mid-bite and gave Julia a strange look.

"What?"

"I've just never heard Wynn described that way before."

"Really? How would you describe him?"

Natalie paused to think then said, "Ambitious, private, and aloof."

Julia considered that. She could see what Natalie meant. It was that guarded side of him. But what Natalie didn't see was the other side of him, behind the wall he put up.

"How are things going between you and God?"

Julia smothered a longsuffering sigh.

God.

Why did everyone always have to bring Him up?

Julia forced on a smile, "Fine."

"You know, sometimes God answers our prayers in ways we don't expect."

Julia stared at Natalie.

"I just don't understand. The only thing I prayed for was to grow in my faith."

"In both the good and the bad times," Natalie added softly.

"So God chose to just bombard me with bad times?" Julia mumbled bitterly.

"It's easy to have faith when things are good."

"So this is the only way for me to grow in my faith? Maybe it's better if I don't ask God for favors if He's just going to make my life miserable."

"You know God's not like that.'

"No, I don't. Because it sure seems like He's having a field day tearing my world apart."

Natalie sat back quietly, and Julia wondered if she was praying.

"Maybe that's just it," she said finally. "Maybe it's your understanding of God's character that needs to grow, change. Maybe once you understand, experience who God really is, then that deeper faith in Him despite any circumstance will come naturally."

* * *

Friday night came around and like a coward Julia hid out in the library when Wynn came by to pick up Lexi and Elliott for youth group at Leavesly Church. Julia wondered what the Cherry blossom trees looked like now. Mostly likely still stripped bare then frowned at her thoughts. She didn't suppose she'd get to see the blossoms in full bloom come this spring. It was unfortunate. She had been looking forward to seeing the grass surrounding the church covered in pink snow.

Fifteen minutes after seven thirty, Julia hurried back to her dorm room to change into a pair of leggings, a loose top, and high heels. Lexi had seen a flyer on the bulletin board promoting this quarter's dance classes on campus.

"Salsa dancing," Lexi had cried excitedly. "I want to take Salsa dancing lessons! Ellie, will you take this with me?" Julia had laughed at the horrified expression on his face. But before he could say anything, Lexi moaned and said, "Oh, we can't. It's on Friday nights." Then she looked at Julia and said hesitantly, "But I guess you can take it, Lia."

She knew how disappointed Lexi was that she was no longer helping out with the youth group, now that their Three Musketeers pact was broken. But she was trying her best to let Julia be and make her own decisions.

At first Julia hadn't given the dance lessons a second thought, but Friday nights was depressing without Lexi and Elliott. So she called Suzy and Gracie and asked them if they'd be interested in taking the class with her. Surprisingly, they had both enthusiastically agreed.

An hour later the girls were walking out of their Salsa class, laughing and making plans to grab some Jamba Juice for dinner. When she looked up, Julia spotted Alison with her friends coming down the opposite end of the campus gym corridor.

"Uh, oh," Suzy said in a low voice, "Here comes Satan."

Gracie giggled and nudged Suzy. But Julia kept her composure.

"Hi, girls," Alison sang to them sweetly. They exchanged pleasantries, everyone on their best behavior. "Well, we better get going. We only have the dance studio reserved for two hours. Have a wonderful weekend, girls."

Walking away, Gracie whispered, "That wasn't too bad."

Then Alison called back to them, "Will we be seeing you tomorrow? You know, for Wynn's birthday dinner?"

Julia didn't answer. There really was nothing to say when she knew she was being baited.

Alison laughed as if realizing her own mistake and sang out, "Oh, wait, I forgot, it's kind of an exclusive party, just his closest friends. Well, I'll see you girls around."

Turning back around, Gracie murmured, "Spoke too soon."

* * *

Julia woke up Saturday morning in a nasty mood. She took it out on the alarm clock as she yanked the iPod from its dock and impatiently tossed the music player onto her bed. Then she took it out again on the closet door, yanking it open and closed while getting dressed. Then when she went to the refrigerator and couldn't find anything to eat for breakfast, she found satisfaction in slamming the heavy door back on the insulated box.

Lexi groaned from under the blankets and grumbled, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Julia snapped. Staring at the window, she saw that it wasn't raining for once. All this grey mist was starting to make her question what was so great about living by the beach in Southern California. With a huff, she started gathering up her books, throwing them into her knapsack when Lexi leapt out of bed and grabbed her arm.

"Ok, enough is enough," Lexi demanded.

Stunned, Julia stopped and stared at her.

"We're going out."

"But I was going to go study."

"Nope, change of plans."

"But it's early on a Saturday morning. You never wake up this early."

"I know, but if you don't snap out of your mood, I am going to hurt you. I'm serious, Julia."

"Where are we going?" Julia asked in a small voice.

"The lighthouse, I'm calling Ellie. I need reinforcement."

Soon they were on their way, pedaling their rusty bikes back up the mountain.

"Can you just journal or something?" Lexi yelled at her the second she hopped off her bike. "Do what you have to do to vent through all the stuff going on in your head. You're driving me crazy!"

"I can't journal!"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't trust it anymore, it's not safe."

"What do you mean?"

"I used to think it was foolproof. That's why I was able to be completely transparent in them. But I can't do that anymore. Now I have to watch what I write, to edit my thoughts. And I'm tired enough doing that every time I open my mouth to speak. Journaling is dead to me."

"Lia, it doesn't have to be like that."

"Like what?"

"So, I don't know, all or nothing, so extreme."

Julia stared at her best friend. She didn't get it. After all this time and Lexi still didn't understand what it felt like for her to be stuck inside her own head. And why should she understand, she who was confident enough to express herself without hesitation, who was so used to opening her mouth and everyone instantly falling at her feet in adoration.

"Maybe if you came to church," Lexi began, but Julia cut her off.

"Forget it. I'm over that."

"What do you mean?" Elliott said when Lexi was too baffled to respond. He had been sitting back quietly staying out of it, until now.

"I mean, I'm done with blindly following a religion I don't even know if I really believe in."

Once the words came out of her mouth, Julia's heart froze at the harshness of her words. It was strange, hearing herself say those words out loud. The thought had been rattling around inside her head for some time, but she'd been too afraid to actually face them. But now it was too late.

"You don't really mean that," Lexi tried again.

But this time Elliott waved her off.

Instead he said, "Tell me what you mean."

"I mean this whole 'child-like faith' thing. Maybe it worked for me when I was a child, but I'm not one anymore. So I guess I'm saying I've outgrown clinging to church like some security blanket."

Julia couldn't meet Lexi' eye, so she stared fixedly at Elliott. Challenging him, to argue with her, to rethink these huge claims she was making about her whole belief system. Maybe she should've scrawled out her tangled thoughts, free of consequence and judgment. But she hadn't wrestled it out on paper, instead she had shouted at her two closest friends, pushing one to the brink of tears. The other hadn't flinched but was staring steadily back at her.

Slowly and without anger, Elliott said, "Then this is something you need to seriously consider for yourself." Lexi turned her round eyes on him, but he continued calmly. "There's no point in pretending everything is fine if it's not. It's OK to figure things out for yourself, to figure out what you believe and what you don't. If He really is a God who deserves your faith, then He'll prove Himself to you."

Ok, God.

Prove Yourself to me.

Chapter Twenty

She was being unreasonably irritable, Julia knew. But there were just one too many issues rattling around in her head, demanding to be released and dealt with. But she refused, safer just to keep it pushed down inside.

Lately she'd been resorting to running on the beach. Something about the rhythmic beating of her footsteps against the wet sand and the cold sting of the salty air got circulation pumping and her recently latent creative juices flowing. The harder she pushed, the faster she ran, the better she felt. Even though her fingers itched to pick up a pen and start scrawling out all her jumbled emotions and thoughts, it felt safer just beating it out of her system by pounding harder with each step she took.

As she reached the end of the beach where the sand met the cliff jutting straight from the ground up to the sky, Julia stopped and leaned over, grasping her cold knees and took a couple deep breaths.

It was then that she noticed a dark figure riding in from the crashing waves. There was something familiar about him. A few feet from shore he dived into the water, then stood up tucking his orange, yellow, and blue striped surf board under his arm.

Wynn.

He seemed to notice her at the same time. Julia hesitated, debating whether or not she should just turn around and run away. But she wasn't a coward. Well, at least, she didn't want to be one. Squaring her shoulders, she waited.

"Hey."

"Hey."

They nodded to each other warily.

"Happy birthday. I heard it was yesterday."

He seemed surprised that she knew. "Thanks," he said.

There was a pause. "So I take it you're no longer working with the youth group?"

"Yeah, I can't, busy schedule. I thought Lexi told you."

"Yeah. She did."

There was an awkward pause and they both looked away.

"Well, I better go."

"Wait."

Julia turned around and waited.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

He let out a frustrated sigh and raked his free hand through his wet hair. "I thought we were good. I thought everything was going good. You know, the youth group, the play, everything. What happened?"

Julia stared at him. Did he really not know? She hesitated. He looked wary but genuinely confused.

"Kate."

His eyes widened for a brief moment. Then he looked down, eyebrows furrowed. When he looked up again, his expression was tight and unreadable. "Okay," he says slowly, carefully.

"She's your girlfriend, right?"

He nodded and she felt her heart crumble once more.

"I guess it was just a surprise. I thought we were friends. It was just weird to find out that all this time you had a girlfriend, and you never mentioned it."

"She's studying abroad."

"But you never brought her up, not once."

"What did you expect me to say? 'Hey, I'm Wynn. By the way, I have a girlfriend.' That's lame," he shrugged. "Why does it matter if I have a girlfriend?"

"But you, I mean," Julia stopped, frustrated with herself, "Never mind."

"What?"

"Nothing, you're right. It doesn't matter." She took a deep breath and forced her best upbeat, carefree smile. "Well, I guess I'll see you around then."

"I hate it when you do that."

Narrowing her eyes Julia glare at him. "Excuse me?"

"That fake attitude. Like everything is ok when I know it's not."

"I'm sorry if you think I'm a fake person..."

"You know that's not what I mean. I just don't like it when you're trying to act like someone you're not. Like at retreat. Who were you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I mean, don't get me wrong. I loved that dance you did with your group. Didn't know you had it in you. But the makeup, and the attitude, it's like you were a completely different person."

A thousand thoughts whirled through her head. The most painful one being how unfair it was that he was the one who could see beyond her false bravado. Not even Craig had been able to do that, and they dated for over two years.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Kate." He paused and continued uncertainly, afraid of sounding conceited. "Is that why you're no longer coming to church, because I have a girlfriend?"

It sounded so childish when he put it like that.

"No," Julia lied. "Like I said, I'm just really busy this quarter."

She turned around and started jogging back towards campus. _It was all in your head,_ the thought pounded again and again. Beside her, the ocean waves crashed relentlessly against the shore. The biting wind blew unyieldingly. But she couldn't feel the cold too numb to react to the sting of the beating.

Chapter Twenty-One

Suzy was in her Marine Biology class this quarter. Julia enjoyed spending time in the science lab, looking through the microscopes at the tiny creatures and matching what she saw with the illustrations and charts found in the glossy textbook. Everything was so intricate, every creature different, but so creative with their specific organs serving a specific purpose to allow them to thrive in their specific environment.

But as enthralling as she found it to be, it was proving to be hard to concentrate with Suzy constantly finding ways to distract her. She spent most of her time simultaneously checking out the different guys in class and then pestering Julia for more information about Elliott.

"You're sure there's nothing going on between Elliott and Lexi?" Suzy asked her for the hundredth time.

"Positive," Julia murmured squeezing one eye shut to focus harder on the thin glass plate under the microscope.

"Because they seem abnormally close..."

"They are abnormal," she smiled, "And close. But they're not dating."

Suzy laughed at that, as if she cracked an extremely witty joke. Then she leaned in to copy the notes from Julia's paper.

After class, they were walking out of the chilly basement of the Science Building into the warm afternoon sunlight when they ran into Geoff.

"Hey, Julia," Geoff greeted her. "I thought you'd completely dropped off from the radar" he joked. "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing much," Julia said, giving him the usual line whenever she ran into someone from A.A.C.F., "Been really busy with classes and stuff."

"So I heard from Wynn you're no longer going to his church," Geoff said.

"You're not?" Suzy interjected. "You didn't tell me that."

"If you need a ride, I can drive you to AVC on Sundays," Geoff offered.

"Yeah, you should come. Is Elliott still going to that church too?"

Julia smiled at her blatancy. "He and Lexi are both still serving at Leavesly Church," she said a bit apologetically. Suzy's face fell with disappointment.

Try as she might, between Geoff's charm and Suzy's insistence, Julia finally succumbed to their asking and agreed to catching a ride to church with Geoff the following Sunday.

* * *

Although technically still winter with it being January, Sunday morning was defiantly warm and sunny. It was a bit unsettling sitting in Aosta Verde's beautifully bright sanctuary, and Julia couldn't help feeling like the biggest fraud.

Still she found it difficult to drone out what Pastor Jenson's was saying. "God repeatedly call to His children, but the condition of each heart determines the result." His words struck a raw chord. "To the same voice, some believers are motivated to a deeper and more obedient relationship with the Lord, while others reject and refuse Him."

Even after the church service was over, and Julia was back in Geoff's car heading back to his place for lunch. Suzy was sitting next to her happily chattering away, but Pastor Jenson's words continued to echo uninvited in her head.

"Since hardening is a slow process that's often accompanied by rationalizations and excuses, the danger signs may not be readily recognized. Carefully consider the following characteristics of a hardening heart."

They pulled into the driveway in front of Geoff's house. There was no sign of a dark grey Honda Element parked outside. And Julia was convinced her heart could not get any harder than it currently was.

* * *

"Julia, wait up!"

She turned around to see Geoff loping around a low wall towards her, a bright smile stretching across his face and she smiled in return. Geoff had that same infectious enthusiasm as Lexi. It was another sunny afternoon, and Geoff was making the most of the warmth by wearing trendy aviator sunglasses and long cargo shorts.

"Hi, Geoff, what's up?"

"Did you hear about the Boyz II Men concert a bunch of us are planning on attending together?" he asked.

"Are they still around?" she said, at the mention of the popular 90's R&B band.

"Three of the original four members," Geoff said while casually slinging one arm around her shoulders. "So what do you say?"

She looked up at him, confused, "About what?"

"Want to come with me?

Slipping out from under his arm, Julia took a step back and looked intently up at him, "You and who else?"

A slow grin spread across his face as if he had expected her to react this way. "Relax, Julia. Like I said, a bunch of us are going together." When she still didn't answer he said, "Dan, Randall, Mudd, Wynn, Alison, Heather, and Natalie... the usual."

"Are any freshmen going?"

"Yeah, anyone can come. Tickets just went on sale, so there's plenty of seats left, I'm sure."

She considered this then said, "Sounds like fun."

"Cool. I'll buy your ticket then."

"How much are they? I might have to pay you back later."

"Don't worry about it. Treat's on me. It's going to be at the Cricket Wireless Amphitheatre in Chula Vista. Parking's a disaster, but they'll have tons of booths with food. So we'll probably go a little earlier before the concert starts to avoid traffic, grab something to eat at the concession stands there and hang out before the show. Alison's masterminding the whole thing, so I'll let you know the details as they come."

"Thanks, Geoff." She grimaced at the mention of Alison. But if her friends were there, it could be really fun.

"Alright, I'll see you later," he said in his easy-going relaxed manner, and Julia walked into the lecture hall.

"Wait," she said, poking her head back out the door. Geoff was already midway down the stairs. "What day is this on?"

"February 14th."

"Valentine's day," she stated.

He grinned. "That's the one." He threw her one last wave, before turning and jogging down the remaining flight of stairs.

* * *

The day was warm and cloudless, the temperamental coastal weather apparently brushing off the recent rainstorms away in exchange for sunnier days. Julia climbed out of Geoff's black Escalade dressed lightly in a rose colored scoop-neck top and skinny jeans. But she folded over one arm the brand new coat she had ordered online, just in case the fickle weather decided to change. She couldn't shake off the heavy foreboding feeling darkening her mood. For one thing, Geoff had given her a strange look when he had pulled up the back cul-de-sac behind her dorm to pick her up. Or rather, he had given Suzy and Gracie, who had been standing next to Julia, an odd look.

Julia had originally asked Lexi and Elliott. When she told Geoff about it, he had happily agreed to purchase their tickets for them. Then after one of their weekly dance class, she told Suzy and Gracie about the concert. She reassured them this was a group event and they didn't need to bring dates. Excited, they also agreed to come along.

Then a couple of things happened. First, Lexi and Elliott backed out because Wynn had scheduled another outing to the Homeless Shelter for Leavesly Church on that day. Coincidentally, when Suzy tried to purchase tickets she found out the concert was sold out. So Julia passed the extra tickets on to her and Gracie without mentioning the change of plans to Geoff.

But now, as Julia double-checked the other cars that had caravanned with them to the dusty parking lot outside the Cricket Amphitheatre, her fears were confirmed as everyone was coming out of their vehicles in pairs. There was Randall and his girlfriend, Dan and Jane, Mudd and Rob with two girls she didn't recognize, but who were clearly their dates, and some other people. The only person who wasn't paired up was a fuming Alison.

After Geoff had picked up Julia and her friends, he had driven them back to his place where the rest of the upperclassmen had gathered around the driveway and lawn. One look of the girls climbing out of Geoff's SUV turned Alison's usually pale face bright red with indignation.

Their appearance didn't seem strange to just Alison, as several other people also threw them quizzical looks. "Alright, Geoff," Dan had hooted, as Geoff slammed his car door shut and strutted over to the lawn outside the house. "Three freshies, huh? Nice going," he had joked, giving Geoff a couple hard thumps on the back.

"Are you sure we were invited?" Suzy had whispered to Julia as the three girls headed into the house to use the restroom.

"He said it was a group event."

They were in the hallway when they overheard Alison ranting at Geoff, "What were you thinking bringing those girls along?" Not wanting to eavesdrop, Julia quickly pushed her friends back into the bathroom.

"What did we get ourselves into?"

"I don't get it. Is Alison supposed to be Geoff's date or what?"

"How can he be if he asked Julia?"

"He didn't ask me out," Julia quickly clarified. Both Suzy and Gracie gave her a look and she sighed. "I didn't know it was supposed to be a date!"

"So what's Alison's problem?"

"Maybe she thought she was supposed to be Geoff's date?"

"Can she really be that delusional?"

"You know," Suzy said, "People can fool themselves to believe pretty much anything if they really want to sometimes."

Now, after riding in the car for an hour and a half inland away from campus and standing in the dusty parking lot outside the concert grounds, Julia knew there was no turning back. The curved and half open rooftop of the outdoor amphitheatre jutted out into the clear blue sky like a white snowcapped mountaintop. Music blared from the speakers, and the smell of grilled meat and onions wafted through the dry warm air. The thick mass of people crowded past her in waves, more cars and shuttle buses pulling in through the multiple entrances in a slow but consistently congested pace.

Julia followed behind Geoff, weaving their way out of the parking lot and into a fenced picnic area filled with concession stands selling a variety of different types of food and drink. Additional vendors for cell phones and concert t-shirts lined themselves row after row with people snaking around the booths.

Somewhere between Geoff buying the girls tacos and waiting at their row of seats for everyone to reconvene, Alison had somehow decided to change tactics. Instead of avoiding Geoff, she was now unabashedly flirting with him. Julia exchanged baffled looks with Gracie, as Suzy barely bothered to conceal her snicker.

"If she tries to feed Geoff one more time, I'm going to lose my appetite," Suzy whispered to Julia as they watched at the awkward scene before them. Alison's ticket had assigned her to the seat next to Geoff's. After throwing vicious glares in Julia's direction, Alison had practically climbed over everyone's laps in order to now wedge herself capriciously on the armrest separating Julia and Geoff's seats.

"Uh, thanks, Ali, but I'm good," Geoff said as Alison tried for the fourth time to stuff her fries into his mouth. Geoff leaned forward, peering around Alison, "Hey, Julia, can you hand me my soda?"

"Sure," she said, reaching for it on the ground, where Alison's red leather high heel boots had kicked it aside.

"I got that," Alison sneered as she wrenched the tall paper cup from her hand. "Here you go," she purred sweetly at Geoff, repositioning her body to fully block the freshmen girls from his view.

The sun had disappeared over the grassy green hill behind the amphitheatre, and in its place the multicolored stage lights flicker its beams from the edge of the open roof. Julia craned her neck to see the three R&B singers walk up on to the stage dressed sharply in pinstriped suits and hats as the crowd went hysterical.

"I just love this song, don't you?" Alison shouted over the music. She stood up and swayed provocatively to the song, throwing Geoff a teasing smile.

Huddled in her seat, Julia listened to the familiar lyrics about love and grimaced. Did "love" even really exist? It seemed such a temporary feeling, tied to so many complex mind games and rules she didn't understand. Or cared to play.

How do you know when it's love and not just an obsessive infatuation?

And what are the odds that those feelings will be returned?

And how do you keep the other person from no longer loving you?

It all seemed so meaningless in the end, this chase, this search for true love.

When "love" doesn't last.

Not in her experience.

In her world, she couldn't trust anyone. The people she was supposed to be able to trust the most continually let her down: her parents, her boyfriend, and even God.

She knew God's love was supposedly "unconditional," everlasting.

So why did she feel so let down by Him?

Didn't He know how much she hurt?

After the first couple of songs ended, Geoff leaned over to ask, "You having a good time?"

Julia mustered up a smile for him and nodded. Then Alison swooped back down and dragged Geoff up on his feet to join her.

Wrapping her wool coat tightly, Julia sat back in her seat. She grimaced at Suzy while trying to avoid Alison's hips swinging a couple inches away from her face. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Hours later Julia was being bustled back through the crowds to the parking lot, while Geoff made last minute plans to go Karaoke singing with his friends.

"Is it bad if we ask Geoff to drop us off back at campus?" Gracie said, leaning her head wearily on Julia's shoulder.

"If you don't, I will," Suzy muttered unapologetically. Then she quickly straightened and the scowl on her face disappeared, nudging them to attention. Julia turned around to see Geoff making his way over to them.

"Hey," Geoff said his usual grin in place, "You girls up for some sushi and Karaoke?"

Suzy and Gracie glanced at her. Julia took a deep breath and said, "We're pretty tired. Is it ok if we just go home?"

"C'mon, just hang out a little longer. It'll be fun," Geoff smiled. Giving them some privacy, Suzy and Gracie slowly backed away. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine," Julia said, tucking her chin into the upturned collar of her coat.

Satisfied with her response, Geoff stepped closer and lifted a hand to touch her face, "Cold?"

Julia took a step back and blurted out, "Was Alison supposed to be your date?"

Geoff ran his hand through his hair as if stalling to sort out his thoughts. "Alison planned this whole thing. She wanted to hang out on Valentine's Day. She didn't come right out and say it, but she was hinting pretty hard about wanting to make it a couple's thing."

"Did she ask you out?"

"No. I've known her for three years now. Alison's not the type of girl to ask a guy out. She thinks she can manipulate guys to play along with her whims."

"But you didn't feel like playing."

"She's not my type of girl."

"But you were equally as vague with me," Julia said, not letting him off the hook.

Geoff laughed. "Yeah, but the difference is you haven't known me for three years yet. You don't know what a great guy I am. I was just easing you into getting to know me better, let you know what I have to offer."

Julia shook her head but couldn't help laughing at his cockiness.

"You could've just asked me out. I like guys who are straightforward."

"But then you would've come up with some lame excuse to get out of going. Right?" he teased her. "Alright," he said, mustering up a serious face. "Julia, will you be my date and go with me to get some sushi?"

She sighed.

"C'mon," Geoff coaxed.

"I really can't. I'm sorry. I'm tired. I already owe Suzy and Gracie my kidneys and liver for putting them through tonight. And," she peeked at him and admitted ruefully, "I really can't take any more of Alison."

Geoff laughed. "Did they really have a bad time tonight?"

Julia gave him a look and said, "Sitting through hours of Boyz II Men's love songs on Valentine's Day surrounded by couples with no date? What do you think?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, that's pretty bad. Alright, let's get you girls home."

Julia reached for the car door when Geoff stopped her.

"Uh, Julia, this isn't my car."

She pulled her hand back and gave the car a double-take. Geoff threw his arm around her shoulders as she sheepishly moved away from the dark colored Honda Element. Silently she walked with him back towards his group of friends.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Julia's stomach grumbled reminding her that she'd barely eaten anything at the concert. Their mini-fridge was bare except for some old leftovers Lexi had stashed away that she didn't dare to eat. Grabbing her bag, Julia headed out the door for Beans. Soon the homey warm aroma of her favorite coffee shop surrounded her.

"How was the date?"

She swung around and stared at the face she knew belonged to that voice. "What are you doing here?" she blurted. "I mean, I thought you were going to the Homeless Shelter today."

"We did. I just dropped your friends off back at the dorms."

"Oh, I must've just missed them."

She wanted to ask how the day at the shelter had been, but Wynn's attention had already turned back to his open laptop. He was sitting at one of the small tables against the window, steaming mug of coffee next to him.

Ignoring the way her heart sped up knowing he was sitting a mere few feet away, Julia placed her order then walked to the restroom at the back of the café to wash her hands. Staring at her face in the mirror, she grimaced at her windblown appearance. Running fingers swiftly through her tousled hair and reapplying her lip gloss. Feeling a little more composed, Julia walked back out to retrieve her drink and bagel.

She didn't see her order on the counter and signaled to the Barista.

"Did you call my order?"

"It's over there," she pointed towards the tables by the windows. Then she wordlessly began to restock the paper cups on the back counter.

Julia turned to see Wynn watching her, leaning back on his chair. A somber look was on his face.

She walked over slowly. She was tempted to plaster a smile across her face when she remembered he wouldn't be fooled.

"Thank you," she said as she scooped up her food and turned to leave. She was abruptly stopped by a tug on her sleeve.

"Chloe misses you."

She laughed hollowly. "I'm sure she'll get over it."

Wynn didn't smile. Instead he said, "You should give yourself more credit."

He pushed the chair opposite his away from the table with his foot. When she didn't react, he looked up expectantly. She debated for a split second then sat down.

"Tell me about your day at the Homeless Shelter."

"Ok, but only after you tell me about your date," His mouth lifted a bit sardonically on the last word. But he caught himself and gave her an apologetic smile. "Did you have fun?"

"First of all, I did _not_ know it was a date."

"Dude, Geoff," he said, tilting his head and rubbing the side of his face as if embarrassed for his friend's blunder.

"So yeah, long story short, Suzy and Gracie were not very happy when they found out they had unknowingly become each other's Valentine's date."

Wynn shook his head with laughter. "That's unfortunate."

With that he gave her a run down of the youth group's visit back to the Homeless Shelter.

"Koda is really stepping up," Wynn continued. "I was worried he'd turn out to be a punk, but he's proving me wrong. I'm pretty proud of that kid."

The thought of missing out on the different ways God was growing and transforming the youth group made her feel wistful.

"So," Wynn began quietly, "How have you been?"

"Been trying to figure some things out for myself," Julia confessed.

"Like what?"

"Suzy said something tonight that kind of struck a cord, and not in a really good way. She said that people can fool themselves into believing anything if they really want to. And if made me wonder if that's what I've been doing all this time? Like, how do you know if something is true or not? Isn't it all just feelings and unreliable?"

"You mean whether those feelings are based on the truth or not?"

"Yeah, is anything 100% guaranteed true? Or is it just based on people's opinions?"

"Ok, back up. What truth are you talking about?"

"I don't know, everything, God, people, facts. How do I know I can trust them?"

"Well, facts can be proven by evidence," Wynn pointed out. "Like gravity, you drop something it falls to the ground. Or math, every time you take two apples away from three, you'll always be left with one."

"If only people were that easy to figure out."

"Yeah," he agreed. "But don't confuse God with people. God is constant, unchanging. You can count on Him always."

"But how do you know that?"

"Are you questioning your faith in God?"

Julia shrugged, "I just don't know if believing in God merely based on a childlike faith is enough for me anymore. I wish there was proof, you know?"

Wynn sat back considering that. "The Bible does praise a child's faith because of the willing eagerness to believe and accept," he began thoughtfully. "But I don't think we're meant to stay at the stage forever."

"Oh, like when the Bible talks about Christians needing to move from milk to solid food?" Julia said, remembering she heard a sermon about that once.

"Yeah, exactly, meaning that childlike faith needs to mature into a deeper understanding of who God is."

"'Mature' as in discover how hard life can be?" Julia laughed hollowly.

Wynn shrugged, "Well, most of the time a person's faith grows stronger only after going through a difficult period. I think it's because only after coming out of it do you see how trustworthy God is. So that childlike faith is able become a stronger tested-faith."

"So I guess I won't know until after I come out the other end of the dark tunnel?"

"But it'll be worth it."

"How do you know?"

"I've been there."

"You've struggled?"

"Present tense."

"But if you're struggling now, how can you be so confident?"

"I've struggled with who God is for a long time. I've always wondered, if I hadn't been born into a family where my dad was a pastor, and I hadn't grown up in the church, would I still be a Christian?"

"And?"

"And the answer is yes. Sometimes I get so frustrated with Christians, and church, and religion. There seems to be so many hypocrites. People and situations can be so disappointing."

"So what changed?"

"I realized people are imperfect. This world we live in is imperfect."

"But not God?"

"No, not God. I think it's hard for us to see that, to understand that sometimes because He's so misrepresented by us, Christians, the church. The world looks at us and expects to see God. But instead of seeing Him, they see all our faults, our weaknesses, our sin. And they think God is this way too. Full of flaw."

"But He's not?"

"Look at this world He created for us. The intricate details invisible to the human eye, before microscopes we didn't even know they existed. Imagine all the things we have yet to discover. And on the flip side, the grandeur of creation, of the depths of the ocean, or the unreachable expanse of the universe, places and galaxies our astronauts have yet to explore or even phantom. Who are we to even think we can compare ourselves to God? Or to judge Him, our Creator?"

"But how can I trust Him when I doubt?"

"He is faithful, Julia. With every breath He gives you, with every day that the sun rises and the universe holds together, He is proving to us that He is constant. We don't deserve any of the goodness He gives us. But He still does, faithfully."

"But I'm hurting so badly. My parents, they're separated. I haven't even told Lexi or Ellie yet because it's just so... sad. I mean, they were never the best parents, or had the ideal marriage, but they're my parents. Where's God's faithfulness in this?"

"Julia, I'm so sorry to hear that."

"It's not your fault."

"But you have to know God didn't cause your parents to separate. We are all given a free will. He gave us the freedom to make decisions for our own lives. He's not going to betray that and all of a sudden turn us into robots and "make" us do anything against our will."

"But He can change hearts."

"Yes, He can. But He works that change through us when we're willing participants. Ask God to give you wisdom when you talk to your parents. Try to shed light to them on how their marriage is a covenant and worth fighting for. Pray God will soften their hearts so that they can understand and accept what you're saying. We're His tools, right? He works through us to make changes. But He would be a hypocrite if He just stepped in and snapped His fingers and took away your parents' ability to make decisions for themselves."

"I see what you're saying."

"You know what is sad?"

"What?"

"How people make bad decisions for their own lives. Then when things fall apart, they blame God."

"Do you think I did something wrong to have this happen?"

"No, I'm not talking about you. I mean, all our decisions affect not only ourselves but the people around us. That's why our world is in so much chaos. People hurting themselves, hurting each other. Our past mistakes influencing our present decisions, it can be a really bad cycle. And in all of this God is here, just waiting for us to turn to Him. He can guide us out of these hurts, these bad situations. But too many times, instead of turning to Him, we blame Him."

"That is sad."

"But the good news is, God is more powerful than our sin. When we do submit ourselves to Him, He can make incredible, impossible changes in our lives."

"We can make the bad cycle stop."

"With God's help, yes."

Leaning back, he took a drink of his coffee and joked nonchalantly, "you must be filling up stacks of journals writing down all these deep thoughts."

"Actually, no," she laughed. "You kind of killed it for me."

"Me?" Wynn sat up and feigned a shocked expression, "How?"

"I can't write in my journal anymore. It feels unsafe. Letting all those dark private thoughts lie around defensive to probing eyes on the prowl?" she teased him. "I wouldn't dare."

"You have to continue writing in your journals."

"Why?"

His grin turned mischievous. "How else will I know how the story ends?"

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Hi, Willow," Julia greeted her classmate as she slide in the empty seat next to her. She had arrived a little early for her Journalism class and was not too surprised to find it already half full. Most of the students in her writing classes tended to be the same ones from the previous quarter. She was beginning to notice that they were all there because they were serious about the craft. From the peer-critique groups, Julia was also quickly learning that her classmates were also very talented, and she tried not to let that intimidate her.

Promptly at nine, Professor Green strode to the front of the room and began lecturing. "The sole purpose of a journalist is to share the events happening around them to the rest of the world. You have to interact with your surroundings, to be curious and intuitive of what others want to know more about."

Theoretically, Julia would've thought her personality would be perfect for journalism. After all, she has always been more of an observer, preferring to sit on the sidelines and make commentaries on everyday happenings rather than being the one to create history.

But she'd been wrong.

"Your next assignment," her professor continued, "Is to go out and uncover an original story. I challenge you to find and interview someone with a unique and compelling experience."

Next to her Willow was already hard at work, comprising a long list of questions to ask her interview subject. Glancing around, it seemed like most of her classmates knew how they were going to approach this assignment by the way they busily jotted down ideas.

Julia stared out the window and sighed.

* * *

Staten Lighthouse seemed to be the appropriate place to run to. Leaning her bike against the fence, she walked up to the top of the lighthouse and looked out into the panoramic view before her. She knew without a doubt that God existed. Just looking at all of creation was proof enough. And her soul longed for Him. It cried out, dried up, parched, for His healing life-giving blood to wash over her pain, her grieving, her brokenness like a balm.

"I'm sorry I doubted. I'm sorry I ran away," she whispered into the wind that blew fiercely from the tall height of the open balcony. She brushed back her long black hair as it whipped about her face.

God, I need You.

Everything is falling apart.

I can't go on, not on my own.

* * *

Back at her dorm room, Julia flipped open her laptop and stared at the blank screen, uninspired. Who was she supposed to interview? Unenthusiastically, she made a list of possible candidates to interview but lacked the motivation to think up any interesting questions to ask.

Frustrated, Julia flopped on her bed and stared up at the ceiling.

God, please help me.

I don't know what to do about my interview assignment.

She lay there feeling sorry for herself when her cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Lia, it's Chloe!"

Julia sat up and brightened instantly. "Chloe, how are you?"

"Okay, I guess. Sorry to be bugging you like this, but I miss you. Church isn't the same with you."

"I've missed you too," she said and it wasn't until she said those words out loud that she realized how true that was.

"So I know this is super last minute, but our youth group is going to visit the Homeless Shelter again this weekend. And I was wondering if you'd come with us?"

A smile spread across her face. "Of course I will."

* * *

Before today, if someone had told her God still spoke to people in a very clear personal way, she would've been tempted to be skeptical. But it was undeniable. She had asked for a favor and He led her right to the solution as clearly as if He had spoken out loud and said, "Here you go, Julia. You asked, and you shall receive."

The Homeless Shelter looked the same as she remembered, but the youth group kids were different. They seemed more comfortable interacting with the people there. Julia was standing next to Chloe scooping mashed potatoes and green beans on plates, keeping an eye out for a girl with her shoes, when Barb Johns came to pour a second round of food into their serving trays.

"Barb, have you seen Julie around lately," she asked her, unable to keep her mind off the girl who shared her name.

The crestfallen expression on Barb's face the moment the girl's name was mentioned was all the answer Julia needed. A sorrow so deep and unexpected filled her soul. _Did she die alone? Where is her soul now?_ The thoughts plagued her mind. Should she have said something the last time she had seen her at the park? She had hoped giving Julie her shoes would be enough of a sign that God loved her.

Instead regret filled Julia. She had hoped that actions would speak louder than words. But she wasn't so sure it was true this time. Sometimes the words needed to be said. Her efforts in showing God's love through a kind gesture hadn't been enough. She didn't explain that God is more than just a nice guy. He also saves.

After the last plate was served and the tables cleaned, Barb approached Julia, and she knew instantly who she wanted to interview. After explaining her assignment to the lady who founded this shelter with her husband, Barb agreed to help her out by answering some questions.

"How long have you and Kent been serving at this Homeless Shelter?" Julia asked Barb once they settled down at one of the tables in the nearly empty room. She had pulled out a notebook from her knapsack, but wished she had brought along a recorder.

"Hm," Barb said, leaning back in her chair. "I think we're coming up on the eighteenth year."

"Wow, almost two decades, how did God first bring you to this ministry?"

"Kent and I were graduate students at AVU, and we were attending Aosta Verde Church and went with them on their outreach mission to a Homeless Shelter. The first time we volunteered, it wasn't at this location. It was in a different section of downtown San Diego, on the other side of Balboa Park. And it was being run by a local church there."

"Is that shelter still operating?"

"No, they had several hard hits of vandalism, which I've never understood. Why would someone want to harm an organization that was there to help people? Unfortunately, one morning a church member who was opening the shelter found a sleeping bag left outside the building. Inside was a dead body. The police came by. After running some investigation, they found out the incident was gang-related and had nothing to do with the shelter. But it was just too much for the volunteers. Soon after that the shelter closed down."

"That's pretty intense."

"Yeah, but by that time Kent and I had become friends with some of the regulars who came by the shelter. We knew it was going to be a tough road. But after a couple months of prayer and discussion, we agreed to open up a shelter to continue the ministry."

"Have you faced similar difficulties as the previous shelter?"

"Not as bad. Kent thinks the previous shelter might have been within the borders of one of the gang's turf. That was one of the reasons why we chose a different location. But this definitely is not one of those ministries where you get to see the fruits of your labor. The people that come by here are jaded. Most of them have given up hope, or are so entrenched in different addictions, that they rarely make it back on their own feet."

"How do you keep going, morale-wise?"

"We had to consciously remind ourselves that we're doing this for God, and for no other reason. There is no glory for all the sacrifices we've had to make with this ministry. If anything, the cost has out-weighed any worthwhile reason to go on. But we know this is bigger than what we have to offer. It's our way of being obedient to God, to be His hands and feet to these people that everyone else has given up on."

"Do you ever wish God had called you to do something else?"

Barb laughed. "Sometimes," she confessed. "Without God, the burden would be unbearably heavy. But how can we turn away? When God asked 'whom shall I send?' The answer is: 'Send me.' Although sometimes I wish I could say 'um, not this time, maybe later' or 'send someone else.' But I can't."

"Why not?"

She looked thoughtfully at Julia then said, "He has completely ransomed me, bought me at a high price, when I was worth nothing. I owe Him everything. I have nowhere to go except to run after Christ, to follow where He leads me."

Julia frowned. "It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice."

"I do have a choice. We all have the choice. But I choose Jesus. It's not that I'm forced into a life that I don't want, but rather He's given me a higher calling. It's hard, and it's terrifying at times. I can choose to follow it, or I can choose to ignore it. But honestly, my life wouldn't be worth living unless I was doing the will God set out for me. Does that make sense?"

She considered this. "I guess if you were completely sold out for Christ, it makes complete sense."

"Exactly," Barb smiled.

"So," Julia continued, trying to organize her thoughts. "Can you tell me some high points that you've experienced over the years?"

"We've definitely felt God's protection and provision over the years. One example is this lady from our church helped us start up our own garden so that we can grow our own fruits and vegetables. This really helped us cut down our costs. And she was definitely a God-send because neither Kent nor I have a green thumb! Our garden has grown over the years. We've even taught some of our regulars how to help us tend it, which is just really great. I think they need a sense of responsibility and self-worth, and it's pretty amazing how something as simple as a garden can offer that."

"That's really neat. So, what would you like to see happen through your ministry?"

"Kent and I have been concerned that in recent years we've noticed more and more young people on the streets. Some of them are running away from abusive homes, some are orphans who are tired by being mistreated through in the Foster Home program."

"Mistreated by the families they are placed with?"

"Yes, sometimes. As statistics go, most couples serious in adopting a child to love and raise are looking for infants. Unfortunately this means that older orphans get stuck in this system where they are sometimes used as a way for people to get child support money, but that money rarely is used to provide for their needs."

"That's so sad."

"It is. We're not sure how we fit in with God's plan, what kind of role we're supposed to play. But we definitely feel called to do something."

"Do you ever feel like your efforts are just not enough?"

Barb looked at her intently. "All the time," she admitted somberly. "In and of ourselves, we just can't save everyone. The lives that they're running from, the harm that they've inflicted on others, the pain that has been afflicted on them, it all runs so deep. Our shelter feeds them, and we try to help in small ways here and there. But most days, it just doesn't seem like enough."

"So how do you handle it?"

"We faithfully do our part, as small as it is. Then we just have to entrust the rest to God. We can't carry this load on our own. We can't reach into people's hearts and minds and make decisions for them. We can't transform them. But God can."

"So do you regularly talk to them about God and salvation?"

"We did a lot at first. At one point, Kent and I wanted to make Bible reading and prayer time a requirement for receiving food. But then we realized that belief and faith can't be forced on someone. We're all given a free will to make decisions on our own. And as much as it pains us to see people continually make wrong choices, it's not our place or responsibility to correct them. They don't want our help in that way. So it just becomes counterproductive, and a very heavy and unnecessary burden for us to bear."

"I just wish there was something we could do, you know, to change their circumstance."

"If they want our help, we're here for them. If not, there's nothing we can do."

"But God could do something, right? I mean, He's powerful enough to do something."

"Of course He is. And He's proven that over and over again throughout the Bible. And He proved it ultimately through Christ dying on the cross. The blood Jesus shed on the cross not over overcame death but sin. His blood has the power to transform us. And it's available to everyone."

"So why doesn't He just make us believe in Him, make us transformed?"

"For those of us who recognize our own shortcomings, our flaws, our sin, He does readily. But most people don't realize they have a need for Christ. They don't see themselves as needing forgiveness or needing to be saved. They think they already have everything under control. They're self-sufficient."

"Even people who live on the streets?"

"Pride runs deep, it can be blinding to the truth. And unfortunately many people would rather blame God for the hardships they encounter, rather than to run to Him for help."

Julia nodded. She knew she also fell too often under this category.

"Thanks, so much for taking time out to talk with me, Barb. I think what you and Kent are doing is so amazing."

Barb smiled as she stood up. "We're just God's tools. He works through us."

Later that evening, as Julia sat in front of her computer typing out her assignment, she thought about what Barb had shared with her. She remembered her conversation with Wynn back at the coffee shop when they admitted to being afraid to completely surrender themselves to God's will. It was scary, that feeling of taking on a task greater than herself. But if she truly trusted in God, trusted that His will for her life was the best, she should make that leap of faith. She knew she no longer wanted to just "play church." If she wanted to make a commitment, she wanted to be all in. She wanted a relationship with God like Barb.

God, show me what it means to completely entrust my life over to You. I want to know what it is to live according to Your higher calling.

Chapter Twenty-Four

"I still say this was an unfairly difficult test," Suzy complained as she walked with Julia after their Marine Biology class. They had received their midterm exam scores and neither girl did very well. Although Julia enjoyed the lectures and lab time, she knew she hadn't put in the amount of time studying for this test as she did previous ones.

"What is up with this weather?" Suzy grumbled, unzipping her cardigan and scrounging around her book bag for something to hold her hair back. Triumphantly pulling out an opaque amber colored claw clip, she expertly twisted up her long hair and secured the clip into place.

Julia looked up at the clear blue sky, not a trace of the morning fog or a single cloud remained. Ever since her talk with Wynn she'd been noticing little things that were "proof" that God existed: the sun that faithfully rose and set everyday, the Biology lectures on the intricacy of nature and life, it was as if all around her His creation was calling out to her as evidence.

She knew this amazing life-breathed world did not appear out of chaos. _Someone_ must have created it, and with each passing day, she knew irrefutably He was constant and unchanging like Wynn had said.

Yet as much as she wanted to move forward and grow, that deep rooted fear lingered. _I want to trust you, God. Please don't let me down._

Julia was pulled out of her deep thoughts when Suzy leaned over and whispered, "Uh, oh, drama alert." She looked up to see Geoff and Wynn walking towards them.

Catching sight of the girls, Geoff raised his arm and hollered, "Hey, Julia, Suzy." Wynn glanced up in surprise, his smile a little slower in coming. "What's up, freshies?" Geoff teased as they stopped in front of each other.

Suzy held out her low test score with a melodramatic grimace and sighed, "Suffering the tyranny of unjust torture."

Geoff laughed, "That bad, huh?"

"No," Julia said, smiling at Suzy's antics. "Anyways, our professor is giving extra credit to those who complete an exploration report at Helm's Island, kind of like a hands-on learning experience of what we've been reading about."

"I did that, it was cool," Wynn said.

Geoff asked, "So are you guys planning on doing it? 'Cuz Wynn and I can be your tour guides. We've made many excursions over to Helm's Island in the past."

Suzy's eyes lit up. "We have to get the assignment in before finals week to receive the extra credit points."

Wynn stared off into the distance, noncommittally.

"Just let us know which Saturday you're free," Geoff continued. He looked at Wynn, who absentmindedly nodded back to him. "Alright, then," Geoff said, giving Julia a teasing look, "It's a date."

* * *

Elliott was sprawled out on the common area's couch playing a video game on his laptop, his long legs dangling from the armrest, when Julia arrived back at her dorm.

"Hey," he greeted her, glancing up before turning back to his game. "Want some Cheetos?" he offered, motioning to the bag wedged between him and the flat cushions.

A deep racking cough could be heard from down the short hallway.

"Is Lexi ok? That cough sounds pretty bad."

"She has a little cold."

At that moment Lexi poked her head out from their doorway and said hoarsely, "Hey, there you are. We're right about to head over to Rob's, want to come with us?"

"Lex, are you sure you're ok? You look kind of feverish."

Elliott sat up to give her a closer look.

Lexi waved her hand dismissively and disappeared back into their room. She reappeared a moment later with a bright purple scarf wrapped around her neck and her backpack slung across her shoulders. "All set?"

"Lexi," Julia said, taking a step closer to place the back of her hand against Lexi's forehead. "You're burning up. Have you taken any medicine yet? I really think you should go to bed and rest."

"No, she hasn't," Elliott answered for her, getting up to check her temperature for himself. "Yeah, I think you should stay home."

"But we already told Rob what we wanted on our pizza. What if he already called in the order? I'm the only one who wanted artichokes as a topping."

"He'll understand," Julia reassured her, gently pushing her back into their room. "I'm going to get some Tylenol for you."

"I'll come with you," Elliott said from where he stood leaning against the door frame. "Hang tight, Lexi, we'll be right back." Flicking off the light, he closed the door behind them and they headed down to the campus Mom & Pop Shop. The store was located across the lawn of Julia's dormitory building. The front was a convenience store, and the back was a small game room with two arcade booths, a small foosball table, and a fold up ping pong table that could be rolled out into the adjacent outdoor patio area.

"So what have you been up to?" Elliott asked conversationally as they walked down the first aisle, searching the shelves for the medicine section. It was such a strange question coming from Elliott that Julia stopped to stare at him. "What?"

"Nothing, just weird hearing you say that. Usually we're always together that for a minute it felt as if you were a stranger."

They stopped in front of a row of labeled boxes. "Cold, sinus, flu, fever, cough, isn't this all the same thing? Which one should we get?" He pulled one box out and turned it around to read the instructions on the back.

"Um, Ellie, that's for children."

"It is? How did you know that?"

Julia flipped the box back around and pointed to the picture of the young child drawn on the front and the words "for children" written clearly across the top.

"Oh," he said. "Well, is this going by the weight of a person? Lexi is pretty small. And why are they selling this here anyways, are there little child geniuses living on campus?" He mumbled to himself and shoved the medicine back on to the shelf and reach for another box.

Settling on one they thought was most descriptive of Lexi's symptoms, Julia paid for the medicine with her campus meal card. Elliott also picked out a can of chicken noodle soup that he thought Lexi would like and they headed back outside.

"So, everything is good with you," Elliott said as they began to cross the lawn.

She gave him a strange look. "Yes, everything is great."

"'Cuz you know running away from one thing by trying to replace it with another isn't going to necessarily make things better," Elliott said cryptically. Julia wondered if he even knew what he was trying to say.

"Ellie, if you want to say something, just come out and say it."

"You know God's not the same as guys."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know guys have betrayed your trust in the past, but God's not going to do that to you," Elliott said. "I'm sure there's a better way of saying it. I'm not good with the 'girl talk' stuff, but you don't have to date Geoff just to get over Wynn."

"I'm not, don't worry."

"I just don't want to see you get jaded."

She turned to give him a smile. "Thanks, Ellie."

* * *

The weeks passed and soon it was once again time to study for finals. Making the most of the sunny weather, Julia found an empty bench on the edge of campus that overlooked the ocean. A few minutes later she was settled in and deep into reviewing her lecture notes. Her concentration was broken when her cell phone beeped, and she glanced down to see that Geoff had texted her. A moment later her cell phone rang and Geoff's name flashed across the caller ID.

"Hey, Julia," his teasing voice greeted her, as she clicked the phone to speaker mode. "I tried to be considerate and text you in case you were in the middle of class, but my fingers got tired."

Julia laughed and balanced the cell phone on top of her knapsack on the bench next to her. She could already tell this was going to be a long conversation.

"Are you free this Saturday?"

"Um," her mind scrambled as she tried to figure out her exam schedule. She was pretty sure she was going to be studying all of Saturday.

"'Cuz, I was thinking, if you need a study break, we could head out to Helm's Island. You know, you, me, Suzy and Wynn... for your extra credit."

Julia stopped fiddling with her lecture notes and stared at the phone.

"This Saturday sounds good."

"Awesome."

"Let me call Suzy, and I'll get back to you."

"Cool."

"Thanks, Geoff."

* * *

Early Saturday morning, Julia was down the hall in the bathroom brushing her teeth, when her cell phone rang. Hastily rinsing her mouth, she ran back to her dorm room and saw that Geoff had left a voice message. A second later he texted: "Fever. Call me back."

Dialing his number, Julia asked, "Geoff, you ok?" the second he picked up.

"Hey, Julia, sorry, did I wake you?"

Her stomach dropped. He sounded awful.

"It's ok, I was already up. But how are you?"

"I think I have the flu or something. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling ... well, I won't give you the gory details."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"I won't be able to bring you to Helm's Island today."

"Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself, Geoff."

"Thanks, I'm going back to bed."

"Ok. Bye."

Despondently, Julia texted Suzy: "Geoff's sick. Helm's Island called off." Suddenly feeling tired, Julia walked to the window and stared out unseeing. Maybe she should just change back into her pajamas. Her cell phone rang again. Assuming it was Suzy returning her message, Julia glanced down at her phone and her whole body jumped at the sight of the name flashing at the top.

Wynn.

"Hi!"

"Hey. So I guess you heard about Geoff."

"Yeah, this crazy weather seems to be making everyone sick."

"Yeah," he paused. Then he said, "So I'll pick you up in like twenty minutes? The first boat leaves dock at seven."

Her pulse jumped.

"Yes, sounds great."

"Ok, see you."

"See you."

Julia managed to pull herself together enough to suppress her squeal of delight. But she could not contain her excitement enough and started to do a little dance around the room.

"Suzy," she said, stepping out of the room and quietly pulling the door shut behind her. "It's back on."

"He's not sick anymore? Wow, he must really like you."

Julia chose to ignore that comment. Instead she said, "Geoff's still not coming. But Wynn is. He's going to pick us up in twenty minutes."

"I guess this means I better get out of bed then."

"Suzy!"

She laughed. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

Julia was rounding the corner of her dorm building, when she looked up to see Wynn walking slowly towards her.

"Hi!"

"Were you going somewhere?"

"Oh, I was headed over to Suzy's."

"I'll walk with you," Wynn offered.

"I can just call her from here."

They stood looking away from each other, uncertain.

"Or we can walk while I call her," Julia said flustered, feeling a bit disheartened at the awkwardness. "Suzy," she said into the phone after a couple rings.

"I'm out of bed, I promise."

"Actually, Wynn's here. We're headed over to pick you up at your place."

"He's early, huh? Someone's a little anxious."

Julia glanced at Wynn, and tried to inconspicuously lower the phone's volume.

"So anyways," she said, switching the phone over to her other ear, away from Wynn. "Just wanted to let you know we're walking over to your place right now."

"Ok." But before she hung up, Suzy suddenly said very loudly. "Actually, Julia, don't come up to my room."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I'm, uh," Suzy paused to let out a series of overly dramatic coughs. "I think I'm getting sick."

"What?"

"You know that flu virus that's going around?"

"Are you serious?"

"Sorry," Suzy said smugly.

"Ok," Julia said slowly. "Bye."

She stopped walking and looked at Wynn. They were less than five feet away from Suzy's building.

"Suzy says she's sick too. She won't be able to go."

"Oh."

"Yup."

"So," Wynn paused. "I guess we should just head back."

"Ok."

_Horrible, foul weather making everyone sick,_ Julia thought bitterly.

"I parked my car in the lot behind your building," Wynn continued.

She turned her head to stare at him. They were still going?

"Oh, ok."

Wonderful, unpredictable weather, thank you, thank you, thank you.

She climbed into Wynn's car just as her phone beeped. Julia pulled it out of her knapsack and read the message Suzy texted her.

"You owe me."

* * *

The hour long boat ride out to Helm's Island was fairly quiet. They sat under the shaded outdoor patio at the front of the ferry. The breeze was cool and salty. The choppy waters crashed its white foaming waves against the sides of the boat as it sped towards the small island known for its ocean life rehabilitation facilities and aquarium, and sugarcane and pineapple farm further inland.

Upon arrival, they spent the first hour and a half locating all the sea creatures and marine life along the shore and the shallow tide pools. They worked through the list her professor had handed out for the extra credit assignment. Using Julia's digital camera, Wynn took photos of everything from sand crabs scuttling along the wet sand, to mussels and starfishes attached to a coral reef formed along the edge of a low wall running along the beach. Everywhere they looked, they have life in full activity. The seagulls and pigeons scavenged for food nearby, and in the distance Wynn pointed out a whale blowing up a spray of water. Julia busily tried to keep up, jotting down as many observations and descriptions as she could in her notebook.

"What's that sound?" she asked. She flipped her notebook closed and straightened back up from her crouched position along the rocky wall above the clear waters.

Wynn was standing a couple feet away, staring out into the ocean. He cocked his head, and listened to the wind carried the sound of a low moan again. This time it resembling more of a roaring bark.

Wynn smiled and answered, "Elephant seals. Want to see them?"

"Sure!"

They followed the curve of the stone wall until they came to another stretch of sand, only this beach was full of large rocks and boulders. The noise was almost deafening now. It took a moment before Julia realized that some of the rocks were moving. At closer scrutiny she realized they were alive.

"Oh my goodness!" she gasped and Wynn laughed at her reaction.

"Pretty amazing, huh?"

They were so close to the elephant seals, their large blubbery bodies glistening in the sun as they lazily sunbathed on the warm rocks.

"Can we touch them?" Julia asked tentatively.

"I wouldn't recommend it. They're a lot faster than they look," he said with a chuckle.

"Why does that sound like you're speaking from experience?"

Wynn laughed again. "Ever wondered how Mudd got his nickname?"

"That's his nickname? I just assumed that was his real name."

He smiled and shook his head. "Freshmen year a bunch of us took this class together. I think Professor Neiland rigs his midterm so that everyone will end up having to take this field trip out to Helm's Island for extra credit."

So Suzy was right, Julia mused.

"Anyways, I was here with Geoff and _Matsuo_ ," he paused with a smirk to see if she was following along. "We heard the sound too, and went searching to find out what was making that noise. When we came upon this beach, Geoff said the rocks were moving. Matsuo thought he was just trying to prank him again. So..."

"Oh, no."

"Yeah, he climbed down to prove to Geoff he wasn't fooled. I think he was about to jump on one of the elephant seals when it reared up really fast and charged him."

"No way!"

"It was crazy. Matsuo backed up so fast he fell into the wet sand. One of the tour guides saw us and started shouting at him to get out of there. By the time he climbed back up these rocks he was covered in mud."

"Mudd?"

"Yeah, he hasn't been able to live that name down."

Julia laughed. "So forget about wanting to pet them."

"But here, I can take a picture of you with them in the background," Wynn offered.

"Ok," she crouched down and held out her hand midair, posing.

Wynn lowered the camera. "What are you doing?"

"Pretending to pet the elephant seals, why does it not look like it?"

He stared at her then burst out laughing. "Oh, I get it. Here let me get the angle right." He bent slightly and took the picture. Holding out the camera he showed her the image. Julia laughed and nodded. He had managed to line up one of the bigger elephant seals under her hand to make it look like she was actually touching it.

"So what else is on the list?" Wynn asked. Julia pulled the deeply creased handout back out and unfolded it.

"Um, looks like that about covers it. Thanks so much for helping me out, Wynn."

"No problem."

It was close to noon, the sun shining bright and hot above. They'd stayed pretty much just around the edge of the island near the beach, and Julia wondered if she'd be imposing on his time if they explored the rest of the island a little more. Even though the only reason they'd come was for the assignment, it seemed kind of a shame to not make the most of the trip.

Wynn solved her dilemma by saying, "Do you feel like having some ice cream? There's a place here that sells this pineapple ice cream that's really good."

"Yes! But it's my treat."

"No, don't worry about it. I'll get it."

"No, it's on me," Julia insisted.

"No, I got it."

"You have to let me pay for yours, as a thank you for helping me out today."

Wynn finally laughed and said, "You sound like my mom."

"You sound like _my_ mom," Julia countered and smiled. The images of their parents squabbling over who had the privilege of paying for the bill at the end of a meal flashed through her mind. It was the Asian way of being polite and showing respect to the other person.

At that, Wynn said, "That's a scary thought. Ok, you can pay. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Julia laughed.

They walked back towards where they had docked from the ferry, which was the main part of the small town. Rows of small souvenir shops, eateries, and even a local art gallery lined the street. The ice cream parlor was located towards the end of the street.

The pineapple ice cream was really pretty incredible, sweet and tangy with fresh chunks of the juicy fruit hand mixed into the creamy cold vanilla.

They stood outside the parlor licking their sweet treat. Julia noticed a row of bicycles with pull carts attached to the back, their brightly colored canopies hanging overhead read "Helm's Island Sightseeing Co." Wynn followed the direction of her gaze and said, "Want to take a tour of the island?"

"I would love that."

One of the darkly tanned men lounging near the bicycle stand approached them, and Wynn paid him for his services. Climbing into the plush cart, Julia pulled her digital camera back out for photos, while holding her dripping ice cream cone in her other hand. The first couple of minutes she snapped pictures of everything, the cerulean blue of the ocean, the sun-golden stone homes clinging to the equally sun drenched rocky hillside like barnacles attached to a reef, and the dock full of ferries and sailboats.

Wynn made her laugh with his running commentary of only the blatantly obvious, saying, "That is the ocean, and that's a bird, and those are boats," as they rode by.

"So informative," she teased him.

He grinned and quipped, "Not my first time here."

Pulling away from the main street and curving up the hill moving inlands, the landscape changed as the ocean disappeared from view and instead a crop of tall sugar canes sprung up cover acres of lush green land.

"Smile," Julia cued Wynn as she turned her camera on him. The thin greenish yellow stalks with its long springy green leaves whizzed by behind him. He made a face at the tiny camera lens as she caught him mid-lick of his melting ice cream. She studied the digital image on the camera screen. "Here, let me take another one."

Holding up one arm to block his face, Wynn protested, "No paparazzi."

"C'mon, I don't have any pictures of you."

"You just took one."

"Any _decent_ pictures of you," she corrected herself.

"Fine, come here."

Leaning in together until their shoulders touched, Wynn snapped a photo of the two of them then handed the camera back to her.

"Your ice cream's melting," he said nonchalantly and crunched at his cone until it disappeared. Julia worked on her ice cream for a while in silent. It was a while before she noticed the sugar cane fields had given way to a small pineapple farm, the spiky heads popping out from the ground covered with green leafy bushes. "So how's your soul searching been going?" Wynn finally asked her, breaking the silence.

"I've come to realize I have major issues."

He laughed. "Name one."

"I have a hard time trusting people. And I guess I've let that affect the way I view God."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know, it's scary," Julia admitted. "I have this fear that if I let go and completely trust God, He'll do something in my life that's against my will."

He nodded slowly, "Like make you a pastor when what you really want to do is make movies."

_He understands_. But for some reason, that realization only saddened her.

"How old were you when you first started going to church?" Wynn asked.

"I think I was five the first time I went to church with Lexi's family, but it was just off and on in the beginning. I think I was in fourth grade when I started going every week. I got baptized in seventh grade."

"What made you want to get baptized back then?"

They were headed back down the hill, the trees thinning out as the ocean came back to view. Julia thought about Wynn's question and said, "I just really loved Jesus. I couldn't believe the God of the universe cared about me."

Below the dirt road they were traveling on, several white gleaming buildings with walls of glass situated next to the shore came into view. Without seeing the signs, Julia assumed it was the aquarium and sea animal rehabilitation centers, and soon they looped back around to the street they had started on.

Climbing out of the carriage, Julia thanked the tour guide who was now chugging a bottle of water still perched on top of the parked bike. They walked in silence back down the main street, looking at the different shops. They passed one of those display shelves that turn around in a circle. It was placed strategically outside the open shop door, and Julia noticed Wynn looking at the small magnet photo frames with names engraved on them.

"Looking for your name?"

"Yeah, but they never have it," he said, as he started to walk away.

"Well, hold on a second," Julia called to him. "You didn't even check." She reached out and turned the case until it reached the W section. Warren. Wendy. William. Wilson.

"It's ok," Wynn smiled at her disappointed expression.

While Wynn went to the dock to purchase their return passage back to the mainland, Julia hurried back to the shop.

"Do you sell anything with personalized names?" she asked the lady behind the counter.

"You can make a bead bracelet or necklace with these alphabet letters," she suggested, motioning towards the containers filled with an assortment of beads.

Julia thought for a moment then said, "I can make that work."

They were near the end of the ferry ride when Julia dug out the tissue paper wrapped souvenir from her knapsack and handed it to Wynn.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

Unwrapping the tissue paper, Wynn stared at the Helm's Island photo frame with beads spelling out W.Y.N.N. strung across the top of the frame with a brown bracelet cord between two large pineapples.

Finally he looked up at her with an unreadable expression.

"Thanks, Lia," he said.

And she smiled.

* * *

Chloe had begun emailing Julia regularly, amusing her with little anecdotes about her school friends and the drama of her piano competitions. She enjoyed their conversations and they made her eager to see the rest of the youth group. Other than the trip to the Homeless Shelter that day she interviewed Barb, Julia hadn't been back to Wynn's youth group. She had struggled with the decision of returning. She wanted to, but was ashamed about deserting them all throughout winter quarter. But she had finally made up her mind. Come Easter Sunday, Julia would resume attending Leavesly Church after a long hiatus. The youth group was going to be performing the skit she had written months ago.

That day soon arrived. Upon arrival, two teenagers Julia didn't recognize stood at the entrance of the church building handing out programs. She guessed they must be new members of the youth group that Wynn had put to work. She couldn't help wondering how many other changes had occurred while she was gone.

When the lights in the sanctuary dimmed, Elliott and his Worship Team walked up on stage. The applause that filled the room was mingled with cat calls rising from the audience. Koda gave the crowd a cocky wave and strutted over to the drums in the back center of the stage amidst more hollering. Julia smiled at how Koda had apparently gotten over his initial wariness towards inviting his school friends to church. Once the music started, Julia was surprised and impressed that he had even learned a new drum rhythm.

Julia sat back in her seat as the cast slowly came on stage to perform the Easter story. The scenes illustrating Christ's redeeming salvation enfolded before her and she was reminded of how much she had loved God back then. And in direct contrast, she was reminded of how much she had drifted away from Him since, allowing her heart to harden against Him.

Then a somber thought filled her mind. Even though she had decided to quit, God had not abandoned the ministry. He had been faithful in growing this youth group despite her unfaithfulness.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Back home for Spring Break, Julia resolved to make a change. Her mother was in the middle of remodeling the kitchen, and she figured it was time she did a little reconstruction of her own. Amidst a house full of dust and the sharp shrill of drills and the banging of hammers, Julia took out a sheet of paper and wrote down her goals. After she finished, she sat back and read the first three. "Be more faithful by sticking to your commitments," "Be a better daughter," and "Be a better friend to Lexi and Ellie." She knew she had been avoiding them this past quarter at school, and decided she was going to rectify that.

Midweek, Lexi called to see if Julia would be interested in going with her to watch Elliott compete in the annual Dragon Boat Race at Crissy Field Beach.

"Sure," Julia responded, taking her pencil and marking a check next to her goal.

"Oh, but Craig's going to be there. Is that going to be weird?"

Julia waited for that panic to settle in but it never came. "You know, I think I'm going to be ok."

A couple days later she was walking through the grassy park adjacent to the beach. Julia passed clusters of canopy tents, BBQ grills, and the First Aid station, before locating the booth for Elliott's Dragon Boat team.

"You made it," Lexi greeted her as Elliott was pulling on his team shirt.

"What's this?" a loud voice boomed from behind her. Julia whirled around as Craig, his arm around a girl Julia had never seen before, and Elliott's older brothers joined them under the canopy. "Little Ellie's finally manning up to the big boy's team, huh?"

Elliott scoffed at Craig's teasing, but Julia knew it was a big deal. Everyone took these tournaments seriously. Their team hadn't changed for a couple years comprising exclusively of ten members who were all older, strong and experienced. They didn't let just anyone join their crew.

"Ok, first things first," Craig continued. "Let's see those guns." He reached out and grabbed the left sleeve of Elliott's forest green team shirt and unceremoniously ripped it off at the hem. He laughed with approval when Elliott gamely flexed the muscles on his arm. But he knocked away Craig's hand when he tried to reach for the other sleeve.

Grabbing the cloth himself, Elliott tore off the other sleeve. His shirt now resembled those of his older brothers.

"Hey, Julia," Craig said, turning his attention on her. "Thanks for coming out and cheering for us."

"And miss out on Ellie's guns in action? Not a chance," Julia teased Elliott, swatting him on the arm as he walked by.

Elliott snorted, "Yeah, I'll be handing out autographs after the race if anyone is interested."

"Hi, I'm Julia," she said to the girl Craig had brought in with him then promptly forgotten.

"I'm Valerie," she smiled gratefully at Julia.

"So," Craig said, turning his attention back on Julia. "What's new since the last time I saw you?"

She shrugged, "The usual."

"Lia's been taking salsa lessons," Lexi said from where she and Elliott were unabashedly listening in.

"Dancing, you? Really," Craig repeated, clearly piqued. "I think I like the new Julia," he said with his catlike grin, leaning in.

She took a step back, "No, Craig, same Julia, just a new hobby."

"I love ballroom dancing," the girl Valerie piped up from her corner.

As if suddenly realizing she was still there, Craig turned his attention to her and said, "Ballroom dancing is a snore. If you try salsa dancing, maybe I'll come and watch you." Valerie giggled at his teasing and quickly snuggled up next to him again.

Lexi gave her a look, and Julia nodded back. Looping their arms through one another's, they followed the team down to the beach where a row of boats lay pulled half out of the water.

Each long canoe was adorned with their team's flag, and the front of each boat was the caller's drum. It was also known as the dragon's heartbeat, which is used to keep the pace so that the team can paddle in unison.

The first race went under way, and Julia stood next to Lexi at the edge of the beach. The girls cheered for Elliott's team as the boats headed towards the Golden Gate Bridge. Slowly the group began to disperse, some finding their beach chairs or blankets to sit on, others heading back towards the park ground for better shelter and some food. It would be a couple hours before the boats headed back their way.

The girls found a spot on the beach to do a little sunbathing while they waited. Tilting her face up towards the sun, Lexi closed her eyes and asked, "So how was Helm's Island? We never got a chance to talk about it."

"It was really fun. Wynn's really easy to talk to."

"Just be careful. I know you didn't plan to hang out with him alone, but don't forget he still has a girlfriend."

"I wonder what she's like."

"Kate?"

"Yeah," Julia said, staring out into the ocean, "If she's right for him."

Lexi sat up and turned to stare at her. "No, Lia, you can't think that way."

"But what if she isn't? I mean, all I've heard about her is how beautiful she is, but Wynn's not shallow. Don't you think he deserves more than that?"

"You don't know that she's shallow."

"Remember when we were talking about Craig and how he wasn't right for me," Julia said, trying another tactic. "It was like he didn't know who I really was, even though we were dating for more than two years. It was still such a superficial relationship. I think Craig was just projecting what he wanted in a girlfriend onto me, like I was a blank canvas. But what he thought he liked about me wasn't who I really was."

"Yeah," Lexi nodded cautiously.

"Well, Wynn is the opposite. He gets me."

Lexi opened her mouth to protest but Julia quickly jumped back in.

"Like my journals, I always thought it would be horrifying to have another person read them. I mean, they are as uncensored as it's going to get. But with Wynn it's like, OK, because he accepts me for who I am. He can handle the ugly, weak side of me. He just understands me."

"Lia, look, I want so badly for you to be happy. And," Lexi admitted, "I can see how good you and Wynn would be together. But you have to remember that he's already dating someone else."

"I have tried getting over him. But every time we interact it's just like... more evidence that we belong together."

"Lia..."

"You know if this were the movies, Wynn and I would end up together."

"Yeah, but it isn't. In the fantasy world, the world revolves around the main character. She can step all over other people and behave selfishly and still appear to be the heroine. But this is real life. There are consequences to the decisions you make. It affects you and other people. Every movie ends with the credits rolling, and we're supposed to believe the main character lives happily ever after. But in real life, you have to live with the aftermath."

"But," she began, thinking of three more reasons why Wynn was perfect for her.

"No! Please stop trying to justify your feelings. You know he's taken. And as long as he's in a relationship with her, he's hands off to you."

"I thought you would understand."

"I do."

They sat in silence watching the speckles of boat far away in the distance.

"You know," Julia murmured under her breath, "It's not like they're married."

"Doesn't matter, it's the principal of it," Lexi sighed and stood up. "I'm thirsty. Want me to get you something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Fine," she said and walked away.

Hours later the faint drum beats emanating from the front of each boat could be heard and the crowd reconvened on the shore with blow horns and cheers. Two boats were neck to neck leading the way, with a third close behind pulling swiftly ahead of the other two boats.

"No!" Lexi wailed as Elliott's team struggled to stay in the lead.

"C'mon, guys! You can do it!" Julia shouted along with the crowd.

At the final stretch the third boat undauntedly continued to power ahead and Elliott's team came in a tight second. A roar of cheers, horns and firecrackers sounded off further down the beach where the winning team's family and friends were celebrating. Julia kept up with Lexi as they weaved their way over to greet Elliott and his team with water bottles and Gatorade. Valerie showed up next to them holding a tray of iced cold Boba milk tea from Lollicup.

"Good job, guys," Lexi called to the guys despite their disappointed expressions.

"We had it," Craig bemoaned. "We were so close."

The guys climbed out of their boats sunburned and drenched in sweat.

"You did good, Ellie," Julia said as he wearily trudged through the shallow water towards them.

"Not good enough," he muttered and let out a disgusted sigh of frustration.

* * *

"Hello, may I help you?" The receptionist behind the front desk asked politely. Julia tried not to stare at her, but found it difficult. It was so strange seeing someone other than her mother manning the front room of her father's dermatology office.

"I'm just here to see my dad."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the lady apologized and quickly gestured for her to come through the adjacent door. "Dr. Kyoto is with a patient right now, but you're welcomed to wait for him in his office."

"Thanks," Julia smiled politely back and walked in.

Less than fifteen minutes later, her father entered the tidy back room. Her mother had furnished and decorated this room back when they first bought the building, transforming it into his functional and impeccable office.

"Julia," he said, surprised.

"Hi, dad," she greeted him softly. Sadness filled her at the sight of him. He seemed older.

"What are you – Is everything ok?"

"I'm fine. I just missed..." She faltered. It seemed strange to say she missed him when she rarely saw him even when he did live at home. "I just wanted to see you."

He smiled gratefully but didn't say anything in response. They stood in silence for a moment. She felt like there should be more for them to say to each other, but she couldn't think of anything to bring up. When she had asked, her mother had told her he was renting an apartment near the office. He was a grown adult, so Julia assumed he knew how to take care of himself. What else was there to ask?

After an awkward goodbye, Julia walked back out to her car, disheartened. Why couldn't she seem to emotionally connect the dots from what she was feeling to the people most important to her? Ever since she found out her parents had separated, she had thought about them often. But her thoughts never ended up with a phone call back home. And now with all the concern she felt for her parent's well-being, she was still unable to communicate her care for them. She wanted to help, but just couldn't figure out how to do it.

* * *

The cold blast of air conditioning felt good on her skin as Julia stepped into Target. She headed over to the Photo Department to pick up her pictures. She had finally gotten around to uploading the photos stored from her digital camera and got them developed. The girl behind the counter was helping an elderly man figure out how to upload his photos on their machine, so Julia got in line and waited for her turn.

"Next, please," the girl called out in a bored tone, and Julia moved to the front of the counter. "Name?"

"Lia Kyoto."

"Julia?" the girl gasped.

Julia stared at her unable to place who she was. But then in the next moment her heart slammed to a halt as she recognized the girl.

"Sharon," she murmured, barely able to get the name out. She looked different, like she had gained weight and was not as threateningly beautiful as she had remembered her to be.

"Wow," Sharon Su gushed, and stretched her arms out as if trying to give her a hug across the counter. "How have you been? Are you in college now? It's been like forever."

"I'm just back for spring break."

"Oh, watch out! Spring break! Girls gone wild!" Sharon squealed to no one in particular. Then laughed at her own attempt of a joke. "So tell me, are you dating anyone right now?" Before Julia could reply, Sharon leaned in and said in a confidential tone, "You heard about how Craig and I have broken up, right?"

"He's a heartbreaker, alright."

"Oh," Sharon laughed forcefully. "He didn't break _my_ heart. I totally dumped him. Yeah, so glad I finally got rid of him."

"I'll let him know you said so."

She glanced up sharply. "You still keep in contact with him? After the way he treated you?"

"He wasn't the only one to blame."

Sharon gaped at her, clearly offended. "Are you saying it's my fault he cheated on you?"

"You knew we were together," Julia pointed out. "But you still chased after him."

She scoffed. "I didn't chase him. He came to me. I understood him. If you would've just opened up a little more to him maybe you could've gotten to know him as well as I did."

"Well if you two were so great together, what happened?"

She laughed humorlessly. "People change, Julia. We grow up and move on."

"So you weren't perfect for each other."

Sharon gave her a dirty look. "You know, I think I liked you much better when you used to be this shy little mouse. What happened?"

"People change. We move on."

She frowned at her.

"So, can I get my photos?"

Sharon whirled around without a word and dug through the drawers until she found her thick package. "Nineteen twenty-five," she muttered sourly, snatching the money from Julia's hand. "Say hi to Craig for me," she added sarcastically.

"Will do," Julia said a frigid smile and walked away.

* * *

Shoving the photos back into the red envelope, Julia let out a frustrated sigh and headed downstairs. She had been excited about getting her pictures developed, but after her run in with Sharon, the photos no longer held the same appeal.

Who had she been kidding? It wasn't likely that Wynn was going to put the picture of the two of them at Helm's Island into the picture frame she had given him. But the thought of Kate's picture being displayed in her gift to him nauseated her.

She pulled off the lavender bed sheet her mom had placed over her favorite sofa to protect it from the kitchen construction's dust and sat down. Using the remote control, she flipped aimlessly through the hundreds of cable stations listed on the flat panel HD screen.

"Oh, Julia," her mom said a moment later padding into the room in her house slippers. "You want some persimmon?"

"Sure, thanks, mom."

There was an Alexis Bledel marathon on TV. Julia curled up on the plush sofa getting comfortable for the back to back showings of "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" 1 and 2, followed by "Post Grad." Her mom reappeared with a plate of perfectly peeled and cut juicy red persimmons and handed it to her.

Julia was surprised when her mom uncharacteristically sat down on the other end of the sofa and pulled her Home and Garden magazine from under the coffee table and began reading. They rarely ever hung out in the same room.

Holding out the plate, Julia said, "These are really sweet. Want some?"

"No, thank you," her mom replied without looking up from the glossy page. Staring at her hands, Julia noticed they were slightly discolored. Her skin was a blotchy red which was odd since her mom took extremely good care of herself, buying only the most expensive lotion imported from Japan.

"Mom, what happened to your hands?"

Self-consciously placing the magazine back on the table, she tucked her hands away and said, "It's just the persimmons, it'll go away."

"Since when have you been allergic to persimmons?"

"Always," she said as a matter of fact, and stood up to leave the room.

"Then why do you buy them?" Julia said to the empty room, and frowned at the plate of fruit. From the moment the fruit came into season each year her mom always kept their kitchen well stocked with persimmons.

Julia remembered very clearly the first time she'd ever tasted a persimmon. It had been ripe and juicy and fresh from Lexi's backyard. Her parents had picked her up late in the evening as usual, after closing hours at their dermatology practice. During the car ride home, Julia remembered declaring it was her favorite fruit. She had been uncharacteristically talkative, telling her parents about how she had helped Grammy Lois tend her garden and gather all the overly plump persimmons that fell straight from the tree. From that day on, her home was always well-stocked with persimmons.

Oh.

Julia glanced behind her at the gutted kitchen the construction workers had abandoned for the night, their tools and saw table littered across her mother's usually picture perfect room. How many times did she vent her helplessness and frustrations of the circumstances around her and the people in her life by reconstructing the only thing she could control?

Standing up, she followed her mom into the downstairs bedroom that had been turned into a home office years ago.

"Mom?"

Her mother whirled around in surprise. The look on her face made Julia wonder when the last time she sought out her mother on her own initiative was, if ever.

"Yes?" her mother asked when Julia continued to stand silently at the doorway.

"Um, I was just wondering how you're doing?"

Her mother looked away and nodded slowly. "I'm fine."

She looked lonely and unloved.

But Julia knew that was untrue. Her father might not be the most outwardly affectionate person, but she knew how much he cared about her mom. He always lit up proudly whenever she stood next to him.

That same sadness she felt at her father's office clenched at Julia's heart. She was selfish, thinking the world revolved around her. Always complaining about how her mother didn't show any affection, when she was guilty of the same charge. They were all guilty.

Julia wondered what her mother would think if she said she was praying for her. Would she be offended? She knew her mom liked to pretend everything was fine even when they clearly were not.

God, she needs You. I wish she knew You.

But old habits are hard to break. And Julia couldn't find the words to express to her mother how she felt. And how she wished she could help.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Like the rain showers beckoning forth new blossoms on the bare branches, Spring Quarter brought with it a sense of second chances and renewal. The first weekend back, Leavesly Church had a Spring Cleaning Day. Julia was surprised when the whole church showed up Saturday morning to polish the pulpit, wash the windows, and clean the floors. Some of the women brought their sewing machines and made new curtains for the Sunday school classrooms. Some of the men carried out pews to repaint the wooden seats. Any chairs or tables with wobbly legs were tightened, and even several of the flickering light bulbs were switched out.

After the mothers served a hearty lunch, a few families with young children who needed to nap went home. Wynn asked Julia and her friends if they'd like to stay a little longer to help with the planting. Lexi answered for the three of them with an enthusiastic "Yes!" And Julia was curious to see what they were going to do. She had never been one with a green thumb.

"My dad plants a new Cherry blossom tree every spring. He's been doing it since the first year our church began," Wynn explained as they walked around the church towards the cluster of trees. Julia's eyes lit up in anticipation of being a part of this church's tradition. She scanned the grove, but lost count when Wynn started talking again. "We're planting the eighteenth tree today," Wynn said, amused. Julia blushed when she realized he had read her mind. "All of these trees came from the same root."

"Really? How far back does it go?"

"When my great-grandfather first left Japan to come to the states as a college student, he cut a branch from the tree planted on his father's land. It's rare for a cutting to grow new roots, especially after a long period of time. But he planted his first stem cutting in the backyard of the missionary's home that he was living with at the time."

"Were you close with your great-grandfather?"

"No, I've never met him. He passed away a couple years before I was born. But I've heard all the stories about him a thousand times. As my dad likes to tell the story, all my great-grandfather did the first four years in America was study and tend to his Cherry blossom tree."

"Did he go to school here in California?"

"No, he went to school in Illinois. The weather was too cold for the tree to grow very strong, but it didn't die. When my grandfather got married and moved out to California, his father gave him a small sapling grown from that tree. During the war years, when my family was placed in the internment camps, my grandfather uprooted the tree and replanted it in the camp."

"Really?" Julia said, aghast. _Why would anyone want to bring something beautiful and pure into a place like that?_

"Yeah," Wynn shrugged, confused at her reaction. "The tree reminded him of God's faithfulness. It's our family tradition to replant the same roots wherever our home is."

"But in the," Julia hesitated over the word, thinking about her mother, "in the internment camps? That's not his real home."

"God's faithful," Wynn said softly, "even in the internment camps."

The unofficial planting ceremony was beginning, and the church family crowded around as they watched Pastor Yoshida carefully cut a stem from one of the Cherry blossom trees. He cleaned away any remaining buds off the new cutting. Instead of planting the new cutting into the ground, he rooted it in a small pot. Then he straightened up and smiled proudly at the newest tree, and the small gathering applauded.

Soon after the crowd began to disperse, and Wynn gave them a mischievous look as he held up a pair of shears, "Anyone up for some trimming of our own?"

Lexi's eyes grew round as she stared at the Cherry blossom trees. "We get to plant our own little tree too?"

Wynn laughed. "No. But you can help me trim the bushes over there," he said, pointing to a row of shrubs by the edge of the parking lot.

"Let's trim it into the shape of a dolphin!"

"A dolphin?"

"What," Lexi teased, "Too complicated?"

"Too easy," Elliott scoffed. "I was thinking a T-Rex."

"Dolphins are cooler than dinosaurs."

"You know what's even cooler? A T-Rex eating a dolphin."

"Ok, you don't have to get all Edward Scissorhands," Wynn laughed as Lexi and Elliott fought over who got to hold the shears first.

"My dolphin could totally take your dinosaur," Lexi muttered defiantly when Elliott out muscled her and ran towards the bushes.

"Hey, no running with scissors!" Wynn called after them. He turned around when Julia didn't follow him. "You coming?"

Julia glanced back to where Pastor Yoshida was tending to the young sapling.

"I'll be right there," she answered. Wynn nodded and went to join Lexi and Elliott. Julia slowly walked over to Wynn's dad. "Hi, Pastor," she said when he looked up with a smile.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" Pastor Yoshida said, placing the watering can on the ground.

"Why isn't the tree going into the ground?"

"It's too new. The chances it'll survive are greater if it's first planted in a pot, more protection. But once it gets bigger, it'll be ready to root itself deeply into the ground."

"When will you know when the tree is ready to be moved into the ground?"

"The roots will let us know. You know, as a young man, I used to think the glory of the Cherry blossom tree were the blossoms. Did you know these flowers only bloom for about a week?"

"Really? That seems really short."

"Yes. In the Japanese culture the blossoms represent the intensity of life, encouraging people to live passionately because life lasts for only a moment."

"I didn't know that."

"But now that I'm older, my perspective has changed. Now I realize the glory of the tree is not in its blossoms, but in its roots. If the roots are deep and strong then no matter the weather, whether harsh or pleasant, it will be able to faithfully sustain the tree through all the different seasons. Come spring the buds will once again sprout, the leaves will grow back, and the blossoms will once again bloom."

* * *

Julia was excited to begin classes again, especially her Children's literature class taught by Professor Palermo. She met up with her classmate Willow one afternoon and they exchanged their latest pieces of writing for feedback.

"I really like your story about the girl and The Ice Queen," Willow said as they pulled out their binders under the umbrella table. "There's an epic feel to it, like it could belong in a longer narrative."

"Actually it's part of a chronicle," Julia said, pleased that Willow could sense its purpose. She had chosen to write about The Ice Queen, the once upon a time evil antagonist from her childhood days. Growing up, whenever she felt angry or bitter towards her home life, Julia would pour out her frustrations through her fantasy stories. They usually revolved around a girl, her problems transformed into symbolic creatures or parallel to the trials she would face. "In past stories, the girl starts out locked in The Ice Queen's castle. After she breaks free from her imprisonment there, she goes on this soul-searching journey and meets up with different characters and faces different challenges along the way."

"What's the main arch that holds the whole adventure together? What is this girl ultimately searching for?"

"The Truth-Speaker."

"What does that represent?"

"All her life this girl feels like she's trapped under a web of lies and half-truths," Julia explained. "For example, The Ice Queen is afraid of the truth and hides under this mask of perfection that comes across as being very cold and fake and distant. When the girl first meets The Charmer, she is fooled by his promises and thinks maybe he is her escape from her old world, but she soon realizes he is just another form of dishonesty. The girl is tired of the deceit. And she comes to the conclusion that if and when she finally meets the Truth-Speaker she will be set free."

"Does she eventually find him?"

"Well, at first she thinks she'll find him in a form of a man," Julia admitted. "But in the end she realizes He's greater than just a mere man."

"So how does The Ice Queen story fit into this series of short stories?"

"I guess, in the beginning, the girl has a pretty narrow perspective. You know, believing the world revolves around just her. But after the different adventures and challenges she goes through, she grows up a little bit. She realizes everyone is on their own journey, and it widens her perspective on things. Which leads into this newest story, where she returns to the castle and realizes The Ice Queen isn't as evil as she once thought."

* * *

The next weekend, Wynn called a meeting for the original youth group members to meet at his parents' home after church. Most Friday nights they were averaging around twenty-five teenagers with all the school friends they were bringing in, and he wanted to organize a leadership team to accommodate the growing ministry. Everyone was gathered around the coffee table overflowing with plates of cut up fruit and pastries set out by Wynn's mom, and the homemade brownies and Rice Krispie squares that Lexi brought.

They spent the first twenty minutes eating and goofing off, until Wynn finally called the meeting to order and opened with prayer.

"Alright, guys," he said, passing out handouts to everyone.

"Wow, a formal agenda," Koda joked, "So official."

"You guys are leaders now. You've heard all the Bible stories in Sunday school. You've gone out and invited your friends to church. It's time to take that next step."

"But Vangy and I are younger than all of Shep and Koda's friends," Pamela pointed out anxiously.

"In this case, experience is more important than age," Wynn said. "You know God, many of your friends are still learning about Him. But if you're uncomfortable with taking on a leadership position, then you can wait another year."

"What kinds of things do we have to do?"

"I don't want to preach a sermon or anything," Pamela said in a panicked voice.

"No one is asking you to preach a sermon," Koda scoffed at her.

"If you'll just look at the agenda," Wynn said holding up the paper he had photocopied for them. "I have a couple categories for you to choose from."

"I want to be in charge of icebreaker games and activities!" Vangy called out immediately.

"Can I be in the same group as Vangy?" Pamela wanted to know.

"Sure," Wynn said. "Actually I was thinking Lexi could head it up, but you two can be her helpers."

"What's In-Reach?" Koda asked, reading from the handout.

"Stuff like keeping our youth group directory updated, making sure newcomers fill out a contact sheet, getting people to sign the monthly birthday cards," Wynn answered.

"I can do that," Chloe offered. "Will I be working with Julia?"

Wynn looked over at her, and Julia nodded back. He jotted her name down on the column next to Chloe's.

Shep glanced at Koda. "So which one do you want: Worship Team or Missions?"

"Missions? What the heck is that? I don't want to join a monastery or anything," Koda said, grimacing at both choices.

"The Homeless Shelter or we could take a trip down to one of the mission organizations down in Mexico. Our AACF team partners with an orphanage there," Wynn replied, his voice tight. Julia could tell he was struggling with being patient with their questions.

"I guess the Worship Team would be the lesser of two evils," Koda mumbled, when Wynn abruptly stood up.

Sensing he was about to say something harshly straightforward, Julia quickly stood up as well and motioned for him to step out of the room with her.

"Argh," Wynn raged the moment they were down the hall and behind closed doors. It was Julia's first time in his bedroom and she was tempted to look around. But Wynn needed her attention right then so she focused on him instead. "Why are they so frustrating? Don't they understand the privilege of being a leader? I don't know why I thought this would work."

"It's a really good idea. We just have to be patient with them. It'll be a training process, you know? We'll have to lead by example."

"The only one qualified to be a leader is Shep, and he'll be going off to college next year."

"True," Julia admitted. "Shep is the most mature. But the others have potential."

"Even Koda?"

"Yes, even Koda. You said so yourself, he's changed a lot. I know he's not there yet, but he's moving in the right direction."

"It'd help if he'd move a little faster," Wynn grumbled.

"He'll get there," Julia laughed. "So you're ok?"

He nodded. "Thanks, I guess I just lost sight of who's in charge for the moment."

"What do you mean?"

"I was trying to do this on my own strength. But you're right. God's the one who's ultimately in control. He can grow and transform these kids better than I ever will. It's just according to His timing, not mine."

Did she say that?

Calmed down, Wynn opened the door to leave.

Julia gave the room one brief look over her shoulder as she followed him out. Her eyes landed on the small picture frame with the pineapples sitting on top of his dresser. It was left blank inside its frame.

Back in the living room, Lexi was regaling the youth group with stories about the music tours she had gone on back when she was a teenager.

"Can we do something like that?" Vangy asked Wynn the moment they rejoined the group.

Wynn glanced back at Julia and shrugged. "We'll see."

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Lia, are you planning on typing up the rest of your journals?" Lexi asked her one evening.

"Probably not, why?"

"I need to make some robot costumes," she answered, "for my acting class."

"Well, I already finished the first box, so feel free to use that," Julia offered, motioning to where the cardboard box was folded flat and wedged between the wall and the mini-fridge.

"But I need two," Lexi smiled imploringly. "I'm making a matching one for Ellie."

"I thought Ellie was assigned to another skit group. Didn't your professor split the two of you up?"

"Yes, but his costume's not for class."

Julia stared at her. "I don't even want to know."

"So does that mean yes?"

By way of answer, Julia got up from her desk and walked over to where her earliest diaries remained hidden. Tugging open the secured flaps, she lifted out the remaining journals and gestured at the box, "All yours."

That night as Lexi took over the common area with her littering array of materials for her craft project, Julia holed up in her dorm room treasuring the brief period of privacy. Knowing her childhood journals lay tucked under her bed frame, nostalgia spurred her to pull one of the journals out and she climbed between her blankets to read it.

She smiled at her excessively curly handwriting back in seventh grade. The first couple of passages were filled mostly with her then new obsession with clothes. It was when she had first understood the importance placed on designer brands. Every page was crammed with detailed descriptions of what everyone wore, and Julia was surprised at how judgmental she had been depending on how someone dressed.

Then she came upon the entry of her baptism day.

It amused her how even back then she had disliked being the center of attention. Although it was supposed to be a joyous occasion, her childish account of that day read more like a horror story. Her mother had picked out an expensive dress for her, purchased at an uptown boutique. But Julia had felt uncomfortable in the frilly dress, especially standing next to Lexi in her faded but favorite simple summer dress.

Julia remembered feeling like a circus freak being a head taller than both Lexi and Elliott, and dressed like a fancy poodle.

And she had been horrified when everyone started crying: Lexi's dad who was their pastor, all the parents who had watched them grow up in their Sunday school classes, and even Lexi and Elliott next to her.

It wasn't the tears that unnerved her... but the lack of her own.

Everyone was so emotional. She remembered looking beside her at the tears streaming down Lexi's face. Even Elliott was a little red around the eyes. She remembered wondering why she hadn't experienced the same heartfelt transformation from being a sinner to a redeemed child of God.

That had really bothered her.

Reading the words she had scrawled in her diary the night of her baptism, Julia remembered how after setting aside her journal and turning off the lights, she had still been unable to sleep.

Was she a fraud?

Frightened that her conversion hadn't been real, she had scrambled back onto her knees and prayed her first earnest prayer. It was not like the others she had prayed before, out of routine before meals or in front of other people like her Sunday school teachers.

This prayer wasn't meant for anyone to overhear. It wasn't said to impress anyone with elaborate words, but stemmed from the deepest, rawest part of her soul.

Turning the page, Julia ran her fingers over the molted paper where her teardrops had finally fallen.

" _I'm back, couldn't sleep,"_ she had written, her broken seventh grade self not bothering with the fancy cursive. _"Thank you for being patient with me, God. Please don't ever let me go, no matter how much I mess up."_

She leaned against the wall and sighed. How blind she had been to her own pride and sin, unable to see how ungrateful she'd been towards her mother, unable to forgive Craig and Sharon even though she was no better than them.

But God had forgiven her, even though she didn't deserve it. How small her faith had been. The second things didn't go her way, the moment life got hard, she turned her back on God, doubting Him, thinking she had a right to get upset.

But she was the one who had been wrong. She was unfaithful... in so many ways. And yet God was still here, talking to her through people like Barb Johns and her friends.

He was still revealing Himself to her through her Biology classes, and in sending her journals to her when she needed the reminders of where she came from. He had never stopped reaching out to her, and she finally knew she could no longer ignore Him.

_Thank you for listening to my prayers back when I was a child,_ she thought. _Even though I might not have completely understood everything about You, You've always been here for me. I'm so sorry for all the mistakes I've made, for my short-sightedness. Thank you for not giving up on me. Help me to live in obedience to You, even if it's difficult to do._

* * *

One of the best things about the new quarter was once again being a part of Leavesly Church and it once again filled her weekends. And just like Wynn had promised, the church was soon covered with a blanket of pale pink blossom snow. It fell on everything, the grass, the church roof, the cars parked in the parking lot, and even them as they sat under the trees eating their lunches after Sunday school. The high school guys found it annoying, as they repeatedly had to brush away the petals off their plates of rice. But Julia found it enthralling.

To her, it was the most beautiful sight. And as the small flowers fell gently over her hair, she felt covered by God's love and grace.

While Julia was excited about experiencing part of Leavesly Church's history in witnessing the Cherry blossoms in full bloom, the youth group kids were looking forward to experiencing part of her past.

Ever since Lexi shared about her own experiences in being a part of a youth group, the kids were excited about the prospect of going on a summer tour. Lexi had met with Wynn's dad and the Deacons and Elders at the church to explain her experience in coordinating such an event. Soon even the parents were won over with this idea and Julia once again set to work on writing a new play.

But as the weeks went on, it was clear the kids were there just to have fun. During lessons, they would pass notes to each other, constantly talking or texting messages. During the lessons, a number of the newer teenagers would try to find excuses to repeatedly leave the room.

One Friday night a couple weeks into rehearsals, Wynn unexpectantly called a group meeting in lieu of going through the musical.

"The music tour for this summer is canceled," he informed them.

The kids protested at once, demanding reasons and who had made this decision.

"I don't think we're ready for it," Wynn answered.

"It's still early, with more rehearsals everything will be fine," Lexi assured him.

"That's not what I'm concerned about. I don't think we're spiritually ready to be going out and sharing to other people about God."

The questions started up again, with people talking over each other. The group grew more out of control. Finally Lexi suggested excusing the kids to go out and unwind while the leaders talked this through.

"These kids are showing up at church for the wrong reasons," Wynn stated the moment the youth group cleared the room.

"But you can't cancel the tour. You have to realize that most of them are here because they enjoy performing, that's the draw for coming out to church," Lexi pointed out.

"Exactly, if their motive for going on this music tour is just for fun they should just join a local theatre group. The reason we're doing this is to tell others about God. And they can't do that if they don't know Him."

"So what now," Lexi wanted to know. "We just call it quits? We've all put a lot of work into this already. You made Julia write a whole new script."

Wynn looked over at her. "What do you think?"

"The kids and even their parents might be upset, but you're right," Julia admitted. "You can't share what you haven't experienced."

"You don't always have to take his side," Lexi grumbled.

"I'm not taking sides," Julia defended herself. "I'm giving my honest opinion. I know you want to make this work. But they're not even listening to the lessons about why we're putting on this performance. It's more than just acting and singing. They're supposed to be reflections of who God is. And I don't think that's going to come across when they're on stage."

"Fine," Lexi huffed as she marched off the stage. "That's just fine."

Julia looked over at Elliott, but he just shook his head.

"She's just upset. Give her some time to think it over."

"But you understand, Ellie?"

Elliott laughed. "There's no point in having the blind lead the blind."

* * *

Elliott was right. The next day Lexi acted as if nothing was amiss and was happily chattering away about all the fun end-of-the-year activities. There seemed to be one or more taking place everyday, filling up the last couple of weeks of school.

One of these events included a last Bible study meeting at Natalie's apartment.

"Natalie! Thank you, I love it," Lexi gushed, unwrapping her gift. Natalie had photocopied a collage of pictures of all the freshmen girls and framed it for each of them.

"Here are some Sharpie markers," Natalie said, bringing out her container of pens. "I thought it'd be fun if everyone signed the back, like a yearbook."

The girls squealed, excited about the idea, and quickly dug in. Julia found a shiny purple marker and handed it to Lexi. Choosing an iridescent green pen for herself, Julia smiled at Gracie when she handed her collage to sign.

"And last but not least, who remembers these?" Natalie asked, holding up a stack of index cards.

"Our goals from the beginning of the year!" Suzy squealed, and the girls laughed at her uncharacteristic enthusiasm.

"Oh, no. It's starting already," Natalie teased.

"What?"

"The roommate-syndrome, you know, when people who live together start acting like each other."

Suzy laughed then added, "Which reminds me, can we get the number to your landlord? We need to find an apartment to live in next year."

"I'll give you the info before you leave. Ok, girls, before we get even more sidetracked, let's go around and share about the different ways God has revealed Himself to us this year, in answering our prayers, in bringing us closer to Him."

Sitting back and listening to all the different testimonies from this group of girls she had learned to call her friends this past year, Julia was amazed all over again how faithful God was to them. Time and time again, the girls ended their sharing with the same sentiment but in different words. "I didn't realize until now what God was doing, how everything that happened was leading me towards the thing I had asked for."

Again and again, it was said "God is sovereign," "God is good," "It didn't happen the way I expected, but now I see His way was better," and "God is faithful."

"God is faithful."

"God is faithful."

The sharing finally wrapped back around to Julia.

She took a deep breath.

"In the beginning of the year, I asked for God to increase my faith. I wanted to grow in Him during the good and the bad times. And," Julia laughed, "For a while, it seemed that all God heard was the part about the bad times. I think I loved God because I believed He was just there to bless me. I was like a spoiled baby bird that had never tested out my wings. But the moment I asked God to make me stronger in my faith, it was like He pushed me off the tree branch. And at first it was really hard, really scary. It was like I was freefalling, out of control, careening headfirst towards the ground."

She felt Lexi give her arm an encouraging squeeze, and Julia nodded.

"I think I had a really self-centered perspective of who God was. Even though I knew in my head that He was my Creator, I still acted like He revolved around me, instead of the other way around. I thought it was His job to keep me happy, to give me what I wished for, and to make everything turn out the way I wanted. And when things didn't turn out the way I expected them to, I felt like I had the right to throw a tantrum, to doubt Him. But now I see that I was so wrong in my thinking."

The room fell silent, and after a moment Natalie said softly, "Thanks for being transparent with us. I think that's really great God revealed so much to you. I know for myself, the closer I move towards God, the more humbled I am. And it's not a bad thing. His glory is just so bright, that it shines on the dark places in our hearts and minds, revealing to us the areas we need to change, to be transformed."

"Yeah," Julia admitted. "That's how I feel."

"But it's a very good thing," Natalie insisted. "I think the day we say I'm perfectly like Christ, is the day we've completely fooled ourselves. That could never happen. God is too holy, too powerful, and just too completely awesome. There should always be room for more growth, you know what I mean? I think it would be very sad if we worshipped a small god, if it was easy for us to be like him. That's not much of a god. But our God is great, so much greater than us. There must be more, no matter how strong of a Christian we become."

Julia laughed self-consciously. "Well, I'm definitely nowhere close to being perfectly like Christ. I'm still figuring things out, but I think I'm learning how to..."

How to what, to not doubt God when her family is falling apart? To let go of the guy she loves because he belongs to someone else? To trust that if she just make the right decisions, to step out in faith even when it's hard for her, that He would be faithful to protect her? To guide her, to lead her down the right path? How will everything turn out?

When Julia left her sentence unfinished, struggling for the right words, Lexi quickly jumped in and said for her, "Learning how to flap your wings."

Suzy playfully shoved Lexi in the arm. "That is so cheesy."

Julia laughed along with the other girls and shook herself out of her reverie. "No, Lexi's right. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm learning."

An hour later most of the girls headed back to campus. Julia and Gracie were washing up the utensils and serving platters stacked in the sink. Lexi and Suzy were sitting on the sofa laughing over the pictures in Natalie's photo album from the previous year.

"Look at Mudd and Geoff in this picture," Lexi laughed. Suzy tried to flip ahead, only interested in seeing more old photos of Rob, which she claimed were even cuter than current Rob.

"I can't get over his hair," Suzy was swooning over another photo of Rob. "Why did he cut it? I'm going to have to convince him to grow it out again next year."

"Ok, I just found a couple more albums," Natalie announced as she came out of her roommate's bedroom. "Oh, girls, you didn't have to wash the dishes!"

"It's ok," Julia smiled. "I'm used to it. Lexi cooks, I wash."

"And we got a system down," Gracie added, rinsing off the last of the dishes, "All done!" The girls left the kitchen and joined the others in the adjoining room.

Natalie was telling them a funny story about one of the pictures, when Lexi turned to the next page and revealed a layout of photos. All of different couples were dressed in formal wear. One photo stood out more than the rest.

"So that's what she looks like."

Kate.

As gorgeous as Kate was, Julia wouldn't have been able to recognize her face from a sea of strangers. But she definitely knew who the guy with his arms wrapped around her was.

It made her stomach twist in an uncomfortable knot staring at their happy faces.

"Oh, this was Valentine's Day. There was a dance on a ferry boat that some of us went to," Natalie said softly, and the other girls glanced surreptitiously at Julia.

"And there's Alison alone, again," Suzy laughed unsympathetically, pointing to another photo, trying to break the awkward silence that followed.

"Actually she went to the dance with Geoff," Natalie said. "But I think she yelled at him during the dance, so he refused to take a picture with her."

"Really? Were they dating?"

"No. Alison's made it known to everyone that Geoff belonged to her ever since her freshman year, so the rumor goes. Last year, when I first met them, I thought they were dating. He kind of let her get her way with things. But it seems like this year he's finally manning up and trying to break free from under her hold. As far as I know, they've never officially dated."

"Man, guys can be so weak sometimes," Suzy said disapprovingly.

"Well, girls like Alison can be manipulative," Lexi pointed out.

"It's just so weird, though," Suzy continued, "How someone like Alison can be on the leadership team for a Christian fellowship. I mean, I seriously have my doubts about her godliness factor."

Julia nodded, remembering she felt the same way back from her retreat experience. She also thought about Craig. He had been on the worship team back at their home church, but his actions didn't reflect someone who strove to live a life that worshipped God outside of church.

Natalie shrugged, looking thoughtful. "I guess we just have to remember that everyone is a work in progress. None of us are perfect. In fact the first step to becoming a Christian is admitting we're sinners. That we need God."

Suzy looked skeptical. "I don't know, I'm still convinced Alison is Satan," she joked.

Natalie laughed. "Well, God can't be fooled. He knows who's sincere and who's not, so we don't need to worry about that. Anyways, I believe that in the end it's pretty clear. We all make mistakes from time to time, but people who desire to live obediently change, they grow and become transformed. And for the others, well, we hope for the best. But it's ultimately up to them how they want to make their decisions in what they say and what they do."

Julia looked away. Glad her friends couldn't read her thoughts. Only God knew how many times she'd made stupid mistakes this past year. If God could forgive her, couldn't she extend that same grace to people like Alison and Craig?

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Coasting along the edge of the beach with Lexi and Elliott towards Life Guard Station 42, Julia felt a sense of déjà vu. Was it really just the beginning of this school year when she had first rode along this same stretch of sand towards the then-unfamiliar group of people known as A.A.C.F.? And now here they were wrapping up the year with a final gathering at the beach.

Leaning her bike against the low wall, she watched as Lexi and Elliott took off eager to join the game of Frisbee starting up. Julia hung back and lifted her hand to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight. Walking towards her was Wynn.

He held out a flat wrapped package.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

She gave him a curious smile and carefully unwrapped the gift.

"A journal," she said, and they both laughed awkwardly. "I love it."

He leaned against the stone wall and said, "Just wanted to say thank you for standing by my side this year. You made going back to Leavesly Church and resurrecting the youth group bearable."

"I didn't do anything," Julia confessed, honored, but feeling overwhelmingly undeserving of his compliment.

"You believed in me," he said simply. Then added ruefully, "Although, I don't know why. I don't even want to think about the fallout of canceling the music tour for this summer."

"It's why I respect you," Julia admitted. "You're not a people-pleaser. You'd rather do the right thing even if it's unpleasant."

He laughed. "I'm not that noble."

"You are. It takes courage to speak the truth. Most people don't."

A strong breeze sent the wayward Frisbee careening towards them, landing a couple feet away from where Wynn and Julia were leaning against the far wall. Danny came running over to retrieve the disc. But the interruption had caught the attention of Alison, who remained staring accusingly in their direction even after the game resumed.

"What's up?" Wynn said as she approached them.

"Oh, nothing," Alison oozed sardonically. "It's just so cozy over here. I thought you might need a chaperon."

Wynn gave her an irritated look, but refused to take the bait.

"You know," she continued contemptuously, "With Kate coming back home in just a couple of weeks, you won't be able to play behind her back anymore, Wynn."

"What are you talking about, Alison?"

Abandoning all tact, she sneered, "Please, Wynn. We all know you're not that naïve. You must realize she's head over heels in love with you."

"Kate?"

Alison laughed. "No, I'm not talking about Kate," she spit out then looked pointedly at Julia.

For a moment Wynn didn't react, just continued to stare straight at Alison's scornful expression. Then he turned slightly, and when he looked at her, Julia felt like the ground had collapsed beneath her.

Hating that she felt ashamed when she had tried so hard to get over her feelings, she blindly found the handle bar of her bike. There was no point in trying to find any dignified way to leave, and no words would suffice, so she didn't bother. Pedaling hard, it wasn't until she was nearly back on campus that she felt like she could breathe again.

* * *

After a long hot shower and a cup of tea, Julia felt more like herself. Lexi and Elliott had yet to return from the beach, and she wandered around her dorm room aimlessly. Why had she run? Now that there was some distance between her and Alison, she could think of several clever comebacks. But deep down Julia knew the truth. She still wasn't completely over Wynn.

In a perfect world every girl would be with the boy she loved. And he would remain faithful to her forever.

But this wasn't a perfect world. People acted selfishly, hurting each other. Her mother wanting her freedom. Her father too self-absorbed to show his affections. She knew if she held on to her feelings for Wynn she could be just continuing the same selfish, hurtful cycle. And she didn't want to be a part of the chaos, not any more.

Yes, she loved Wynn. Maybe he felt the same way. She couldn't say for sure. But it didn't matter. Love was more than just a feeling. Unconditional love was sacrificial. She'd heard that somewhere before, but she never really understood what that meant until now.

But could she do what was right when it cost her so much?

The A.A.C.F. event would last long into the night, giving her plenty of time alone. Knowing this, Julia got her bike and headed towards the lighthouse.

Leaning her bike against the fence, she walked up to the top of the old structure and looked out on to the ocean below.

God, I can't do this on my own. You know how I feel about Wynn. I don't know why I can't seem to get over him. But I want to do the right thing. If I have to give him up, then I will. Just help me to let go of him. I'm so weak without you.

The clouds broke then and Julia smiled. He was always there reassuring her of His presence, even in these smallest ways. And as the sunlight basked down on her, warming her body and soul, Julia knew she didn't have to keep searching for the perfect guy to fill her heart. She already belonged to Him.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Julia sat across from Chloe at Beans the next morning. Chloe had been excited to walk around campus with her and to visit her dorm room. She showed her The Cove where they met for A.A.C.F., the Mom and Pop store where they got their late night emergency runs for like toothpaste or toilet paper. And she pointed out the street perpendicular to the edge of campus with the row of apartment complexes where she, Lexi, Suzy, and Gracie were going to live next year.

"It must be so exciting being on your own," Chloe sighed happily as she sipped on her hot cup of coffee. Julia had laughed watching her dump packet after packet of sugar into her drink before she finally stopped cringing at the taste.

"It was definitely a good year," she smiled. "So what are your plans for this summer?"

"Well, we were planning on going on the music tour with the youth group, but since that's no longer happening, it's kind of wide open."

"Do you have any piano competitions coming up?"

"A recital next week, but pretty much no," she said. Then she leaned forward and whispered, "Speaking of piano, though, I overheard my mom on the phone with Denise's mom, and she wants to invite them to church!"

"That's nice of your mom," Julia said, but Chloe vehemently began shaking her head.

"No, it's horrible! I can't stand her! I already have to see her every day at school. The only thing I have outside of classes and piano is the youth group. Can you imagine how awful it's going to be if Denise is there too? I seriously think I will die."

"Oh, Chloe," she said sympathetically. She didn't want to tell her it wouldn't be that bad because she knew if she had to see Alison everyday, she'd feel the same way.

"It just sucks that my mom feels like she has to invite _everyone_ to church, you know?"

"But, Chloe," Julia began slowly. She knew as her youth group leader she should say something wise and encouraging, but she was at a loss.

"I know, I know," Chloe said dispassionately. "We should tell everyone about God."

"Don't you believe that?" Julia said softly.

Chloe stared at her, "Yeah, but Denise? She's just not Christian material."

Julia sighed and hoped she wasn't crossing any fine lines when she admitted, "Most people aren't 'Christian material.' I know I'm not."

Chloe looked unconvinced.

"That's the whole point, right?" Julia continued. "None of us are good enough. We all make mistakes. We sin. That's why we need a Savior. If we were good enough, holy enough, then why did Jesus have to die on the cross?"

"But it's hard," Chloe insisted. "I just don't like her. You have to meet this girl, I'm serious. She's like pure evil."

"I believe you. I'm sure she is. But as Christians we're called to be reflections of Christ. That includes doing the right thing, because that's the only way God will be able to shine in us for others to see."

"See? I think you're just a stronger Christian than I am," Chloe said.

"No. The only reason I can say this is because I've gone through it myself."

"You have a Denise in your life?"

"Several Denises, actually," Julia laughed. "I know it's not easy. I still struggle with liking them, and forgiving them, too."

"But doesn't it suck how as Christians we always have to do the right thing, but other people get away with acting selfishly? And they never get punished for it!"

"You know what I've learned? God only creates rules for us to follow that will benefit us in the end. He's not out to torture us, even though it may feel that way when the calling is difficult."

"Which rule is hard for you to follow?" Chloe asked.

"Recently I've been struggling with 'thou shall not covet thy neighbor's belongings,'" Julia said in a low voice imitating a preacher, making Chloe laugh.

"Like clothes?"

"Like a boy."

"Oh!" Chloe's eyes getting round at the hint of a juicy secret. "So what happened?"

"You know that Bible story about Abraham and his son Isaac?"

Chloe nodded.

"I finally realized there are certain things I really hold on to, one being my need of finding someone I can really trust. It was kind of an obsession, this longing to find someone with integrity, trustworthy, someone without deceit, who would never hurt me."

"And you found him?"

"I thought I did. But the only problem was he already belonged to someone else."

"Oh," Chloe said again, this time with obvious disappointment.

"At first I kept making excuses, even though I knew what I was supposed to do. Until I finally realized the only way I was going to have peace about this whole thing is if I let it all go."

"Like how Abraham decided to obey God and go forward with sacrificing his son, who he loved the most."

"Yeah," Julia said sadly. "It's not that he was crazy, or wanted his son dead. It was the exact opposite. But he loved God more, and he wanted to obey Him wholeheartedly."

"But didn't the story end with God shouting for Abraham to stop right before he killed his son? There was a ram that they ended up sacrificing instead, right? Because he was willing to go through with it, God ended up blessing him by saving his son's life," Chloe reminded her, eyes twinkling mischievously. "Maybe if you give him up, God will give him back to you."

Julia sighed.

"I don't know think our story's exactly the same. Anyways, you can't fool God. He knows my heart, and what's best for me. And," Julia confessed quietly, "It's not like he likes me back."

"But what if you found out he did?"

Julia looked away.

Help me, God.

* * *

Julia and her soon-to-be-roommates were back at the apartment complex to drop off their signed contracts for the lease beginning next fall quarter. The girls were coming out of the landlord's office when Lexi suddenly froze in her tracks.

"What's wrong?" Suzy asked, glancing over to the group of guys waiting by the door. "Do you know them?"

Julia looked too, but didn't recognize them.

"Stan."

"Who?"

"Stan," Lexi whispered again.

"Who's Stan?" Suzy repeated impatiently.

At the sound of his name, Stan turned around.

"Do I know you?" he asked, swaggering over, his posse of friends following him.

At the same moment Julia recognized him, Stan took a step back.

"Oh, it's you," he said reluctantly, staring at Lexi.

"Hi," Julia answered for her when Lexi remained frozen mute. "Are you guys living here next year?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

Stan nodded still staring at Lexi. "Well, I guess we'll be seeing you girls around."

He and his friends strutted away, and one of the guys hooted. "Dang, those chicks are hot. How'd you know them?"

"What was that about?" Suzy asked Lexi once the guys were out of earshot.

"Is that the Stan you were sharing about in our Bible study group?" Gracie asked.

"Oh," Suzy laughed. "I remember now, the guy from the bonfire."

Julia looked at Lexi, concerned at how quiet she was.

"Don't worry about it, Lex," Julia reassured her softly. "Some things take time. We'll have all of next year to get things right with Stan. Actions speak louder than words, I know you'll be able to show him your intentions are in the right place."

Chapter Thirty

The boxes were packed, the room bare, marking the end of her first year at college. They had attended Randall and Geoff's graduation the day before. Julia had declined joining Lexi and Elliott this morning in delivering farewell cookies to all their A.A.C.F. friends. She had her own farewell to attend to.

Grabbing her running shoes, she headed for the beach.

Careful to find the firm footing on her way down the pebbly path, the panoramic view of the ocean stretched for miles before her. She had begun this year sheltered and afraid, longing for freedom and independence. It was unexpected the way things had unfolded, through heartache and challenges. Things she would never have wished for. But here she was a little stronger, a little wiser.

She ran the length of the beach, reliving the memorable moments, the ones she would cherish, and even the ones she'd rather forget. Reaching the end of the beach where the rocks loomed up suddenly at the bottom edge of the cliffs, Julia shaded her eyes and stared out into the ocean.

And there he was waiting for her as if he knew this is where she would come to say goodbye to her first year.

"You never told me how it all ended," he said standing up to meet her. "How did you figure out you could trust God again?"

"How do you know I have?"

"I always knew you would come back to Him."

"You say that with so much confidence. There was a point when I wasn't sure if my faith in God would ever be restored."

"You forget I've read your diary," he reminded her ruefully. "You know what struck me most? Why I kept reading even when I knew I shouldn't?"

She shook her head.

"It was a love story," he said, "between you and God. His faithfulness was written on every page. I knew sooner or later you would see it too."

They stood in comfortable silence. Wynn shifted and said, his tone changing, "About what Alison said the other day..."

She took a deep breath. She knew she was going to have to deal with this. "When I first realized how I felt about you, I didn't know you had a girlfriend," she began. "But don't worry, you didn't do anything wrong. I know it was all just wishful thinking on my part."

He looked at her then, his guard down, and Julia knew a sense of foreboding.

Help me, God, to do the right thing.

"I've been trying to figure something out this past year," Wynn said, "Why Kate feels like part of my past?"

"I'm sure that'll change once she comes back."

"I don't know. Our relationship's been on autopilot for so long, even before she left. It was just easier to stay together than to deal with it. Then you came along and for the first time I realized all the things that were lacking in my relationship with Kate."

"Commitment's hard."

"I don't want to be one of those guys who're always tempted when someone new comes along," he continued. "That's not the kind of guy I want to be."

"You're not that guy, Wynn."

"What am I supposed to do?"

The words she wanted to say escaped her, like smoke billowing up from a burnt sacrifice. So this is what it meant to act out in obedience, to give up the thing she wanted most in order to do the thing she knew was right.

"Kate left here trusting you'd remain faithful to her," she said, releasing the hope she had held on to for so long. "I don't want you to break that promise. You're too good for that."

"I feel obligated to her. But I want you."

It was strange how the words she had longed to hear now only made her sad.

"I can't tell you what to do."

"You'll wait for me to figure things out?"

Would she? Could someone else capture her the way Wynn did? Or will her feelings for him now last the test of time? She didn't want to make him any promises she couldn't keep, so she gave him the best she could offer.

"You're not that easy to get over, Wynn Yoshida. Trust me, I've tried."

* * *

The pilot came on over the speakers to announce their flight was soon on its way.

The airplane continued to rise, entering the thick marine layer of clouds in the sky, the wispy white curls against her window, hindering her view.

Then bright blinding sunlight coursed through the window as they broke through the layer of dense clouds and now soared above the fog undeterred.

Reaching for her new journal, Julia stared at the navy blue front cover and ran her hand over it. Cracking open the hard cover binding, the blank pages lay before her ready to hold the beginnings of a new chapter.

Uncapping her pen, she noticed something written on the inside cover of the book. She smiled as she read the words again.

To hold the many musing of Lia Kyoto

Looking forward to what He has in store for you

-Wynn

###

About the author:

Reni Huang is a wife and mom living the simple and quiet life by the ocean in southern California. She loves tea and macarons, capturing small moments in photographs, discovering quaint cafes and boutiques, picnicking by the shore, and cozying up to watch her beloved British classics.

One of her greatest pleasures is losing herself completely in a captivating story that reveals the soul and struggle towards realization through a storehouse of richly layered characters, whether in book, film, or series.

Coming Soon!

Elliott Lee is enjoying his second year in college. Life is easy, hanging out with his best friends Lexi Lin and Julia Kyoto, surfing the waves, and volunteering at Leavesly Church with Wynn Yoshida. But with one fateful car accident things change, and the fun comes to a crashing halt. The wake up call is all Ellie needs to realize how long he's been a drift, and attempts to take control of his life. But with two new girls vying for his attention, will Ellie be able to figure out what his purpose is, and who his heart really wants?

Excerpt from Leavesly: Sophomore Year

"Heads up!"

Elliott Lee whipped around, a wide grin flashing across his face at the glimmering peak of the wave just about to break. Paddling swiftly in the darkness, he felt the speed pick up and with one fluid motion jumped to a crouch, leaning away from the white wash, one hand out to trail along the inside of the wave as he cut across the black water.

"Whoo!" he hollered, the roar of the ocean in his ears, his heart thumping against his chest. The exhilaration of being one with the powerful and unpredictable elements surged through his veins, and rode back out to catch a few more crashing waves on his short board before finding his way back to the shore.

Sand, surf, and sky were blanketed in early hour grey. The sun was still just a distant light, barely breaking the horizon, casting the ocean in the faintest of amber.

Sitting on his board, he waited until Wynn Yoshida and Rob Morioka came trudging out of the water, their boards tucked under their arms.

"Crazy good waves, man," Rob nodded appreciatively, as he threw himself down on the sand next to Ellie.

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

Ellie searched blindly among the pile of towels and keys until pulling out a cell phone. "Almost six."

"Awesome, two hours to sleep before work," Wynn said, standing up to move towards his car. The guys tossed their boards and wet suits into the back of Wynn's Honda Element, pulling on thick sweatpants and hoodies, before climbing in.

"Hey, you want to swing by the girls' place?" Ellie said from the backseat.

"Why? Doesn't Lexi sleep in until noon?" Rob laughed.

"Yeah, but Julia will be up. They're closer to campus."

At the mention of her name, Wynn glanced back at him from the rearview mirror but remained silent. A few minutes later they pulled up in front of a row of apartments.

"Thanks," Ellie said, as he opened the car door.

Wynn was staring at the second floor window. The blinds were closed, but the light within shone through the cracks. Wordlessly, he turned off the ignition and stepped out of the car as well.

"What the heck? Are we all going in now?" Rob complained. "Dude, Wynn. I thought you wanted to sleep."

Walking up the front steps, Ellie knocked on the door. A moment later the downstairs light turned on, and Ellie called out, "Lia, it's me."

The door opened and Julia Kyoto stood there in a pale yellow tank top and boxer shorts, her long hair looking rumpled.

"Kind of early, huh?" she said as a way of greeting, then took a step back when she spotted the two guys standing behind him. Her eyes focusing in on one in particular. "Um..."

"Can we come in?" Ellie said, trying not to smile. He gave her a look, then moved past her to enter the apartment.

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