Practicing self-care improves self-esteem
and decreases stress.
Self-care means caring for one's self, which
may seem obvious, but many of my clients never
learned self-care, which is why they come
in for therapy even though they usually don't
identify poor self-care as their issue.
Self-care is usually learned in childhood,
but if not, then it must be learned as an
adult. Children learn self-care through observation
and interactions with their caretakers. Caretakers
with good self-care skills model such behaviors
to children. Caretakers with poor
self-care skills model those behaviors as
well. In addition, the way caretakers interact
with children acts as a mirror telling the
children who they are. If treated with love,
respect, protection, and nurturance, children
will most likely learn that they're worthy
of love and respect, which then foster self-love,
self-respect, and self-care. However, If treated
with abuse or neglect, children may come to
believe that they're unworthy of love and
respect, and therefore, undeserving of self-care
Thus, if you were subjected to abuse or neglect
as a child, you may never have learned self-care,
so you'll have to learn these skills now,
which can be achieved through counseling,
by identifying and observing good role models,
through attending support groups such as Al-Anon
or Codependents Anonymous, and by reading
self-help books, particularly ones about recovery
from codependency.
Self-care includes caring for one's physical,
emotional, spiritual, and relationship needs.
So, let's talk about each one:
PHYSICAL SELF-CARE involves eating properly,
getting enough sleep, obtaining adequate shelter,
maintaining proper hydration, getting enough
exercise, exhibiting good grooming, seeking
medical help as necessary, protecting your
body from abusive or dangerous situations
and toxic substances, knowing how to relax,
wearing adequate clothing, and enjoying non-abusive,
consensual physical touch.
EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE involves honoring your
feelings and needs, being able to grieve losses,
developing a loving and nurturing relationship
with your inner child, creating a healthy
support system, avoiding abusive or manipulative
persons, knowing your limits, living mindfully
in the present, and practicing good stress
management.
SPIRITUAL SELF-CARE involves finding meaning
and purpose in your life and establishing
a growing connection to things greater than
yourself, such as friends and family, your
community, mankind, mother earth, the cosmos,
or a Higher Power,
RELATIONSHIP SELF-CARE involves advocating
for yourself as you negotiate relationships
by being able to ask for what you want and
say "no" to what you don't want.
To summarize: Self-care means honoring and
respecting the miraculous being that you are
by listening with the ear of a dedicated mother
to your feelings and needs, so you can create
an environment that nurtures your physical,
emotional, spiritual, and relationship selves.
Self-care is not selfish, but rather understands
that I cannot truly love another without loving
myself first. Self-care improves your relationships
because by respecting your own needs and feelings,
you'll naturally give that same respect
to others. Self-care decreases depression,
anxiety, anger, and stress, and improves self-esteem.
So, here are some red flags that would indicate
you need to improve your self-care skills:
* You abuse substances
* You are involved in abusive relationships
* You miss medical appointments or avoid them
all together
* You allow people to use and manipulate you
* Your personal hygiene is poor
* You feel alienated, alone, or empty
* You have a poor diet
* Your life feels without purpose or meaning
* You act self-destructively
* You feel stressed much of the time
* You don't know how to relax
* You frequently beat up on yourself
* You are chronically angry, depressed, or
anxious
If you identified with any of these red flags,
then you have work to do. But, first, here's
a secret: We all have work to do! Improving
self-care never ends because it's a lifelong
journey, not a destination. The important
thing is to get on the path to self-care,
beginning with exactly where you are right
now, and then begin taking small steps toward
improved self-care that become giant leaps
forward over time.
If you found this video helpful, please click
the Thumbs Up button. And if you want to hear
more from me, then subscribe to my channel,
Counselor Carl. I will be publishing a new
video every other weekend. And if you'd like
help in learning to improve self-care, then
visit my website, serenityonlinetherapy.com,
to learn more about me and the services I
provide.
Until next time, and keep paying attention
to your life.
1
1
