 
####  

#### Lights, Camera, Action

#### by David J. Wighton

#### 

#### Book #26 in the Wilizy Series

####

### Smashwords Edition

### Copyright 2020, David J. Wighton

###

### This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy.

### Although this e-book might be sold at no cost to the reader at times, I retain ownership of the copyright and may elect to charge a small amount for its purchase at times.

### Thank you for respecting my copyright.

# Acknowledgements

Cover design by Rita Toews at E-Book Covers, East St. Paul, Manitoba.

Image by Teresa Wilde from Pixabay

Inspiration from Jim and Jane Henson.

# Wilizy Family Members as of February 2093

• Doc and Granny, about 82 years old.

• Hank (about 51) and Yolanda (about 47).

• Wolf (27), Mac (27), Jock Jr. (8), Emily (6), Jock Sr. (58).

• William (26), Melissa (27), Will & Izzy (8), MayaLou (6).

• Yollie (26), TG (27), Liset (12), Yo-Yo (9), Hank (7), Ivanika (6).

• Wizard (24), Dreamer (22), Wanda (63).

• Lucas (21), Lylah and Lohla (21).

• Theo (20), Nary (21), Marie (about 83).

• Mathias (20), Kashmira (20).

• Reese (18), Winnie (16).

• Maddy (12), Karita (18).

• Stu McKenzie (52), Momaka (48), Petro (6).

• Cassie

**Main Afterlife Characters**

• Lillian, Joe-Joe, Galahad, Meghan, Paula, Martha, and Queen Guinevere.

• The Crumpets, including but not limited to: Ernie, Bert, Kermit, Animal, Statler, Fozzie, Gonzo, Rolf, Rizzo, and Miss Bacon.

This page is to help you if you get confused about who is who in the story. If that happens, click your way back to the Table of Contents and scroll back one page.

# Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Books in the Wilizy Series

About the Author: David J. Wighton

# Chapter 1

"Arthur, you remembered." Winnie was in the ship preparing a valentinion celebration. It would start with one of Arthur's favorite meals: chocolate ice cream cones.

"What did I remember?" Arthur was looking at the cones but showed not the least bit of interest in them. Perhaps that was because he was in his feathers. Drippy ice cream cones do not do well in a feather environment.

"It's February 14th. You know what that means, right?"

"It's the day after February 13th?"

"No silly. Have you grown? I've hardly seen you since Christmas holidays. You look bigger."

"I don't know."

"I'm sure you've grown. You're way taller than I am now. Plus, you have lots of new muscles. What are you? Eight feet tall now?"

"It's just an average angel body. I was due for a growth spurt. Winnie, I wanted to talk with you."

"Other than when you were pretending to be Harold T. Wittleston, I haven't seen you at all. I'm glad you remembered what I told you."

"What did you tell me?"

"It's Valentine's Day today. I thought the ice cream cones would be a big clue. You know, boyfriends and girlfriends give each other gifts. There'll be some other lovey-dovey stuff too. I told you that I'd be ready today, for you know..."

"I'm not into junk food any more. You can have them. Winnie, you know when I was working on the Heavenly Protocols, I was very interested in changing Heaven's halocracy so that it would function better. Some high ranking angels said that I had done a good job."

"I heard the same thing. You really got into it."

"And you know how I didn't have hardly any jobs to do after the Christmas holidays for you, so I found other things to do."

"That's good. I was being Molly Moonblossom and I was helping Maddy learn how to be Fanny Fandigity. What did you do?"

"Do you know how Heaven announced that angels with more than five centuries of experience could retire to the Angelion home planet?"

"I don't know anything about that. I've been on Earth since we were in Mexico."

"Well, with Hell transporting senior devils back to Lucifus, Heaven decided that they would reward long serving angels with a retirement award of emigration to Angelion. They'll be citizens and everything."

"Huh."

"A lot of management positions have opened up as a result. Heaven's halocracy is no longer feather-clotted."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"One of the new senior angels who praised me for the protocol revisions asked if I would like to work on an important research job. He wanted me to learn about a virus. If we could find a cure for it, it would mean a lot less torment on mortals."

"It would."

"And all I do for Heaven right now is play pranks and pretend to be somebody I'm not. It's childish. I don't get much satisfaction from it because we're only solving a small problem when I could be solving a much more important problem."

...

"And I've been working in a biological research lab for several weeks, and I like the job a lot. I have a job as an adult angel now, not as a rebellious prankster. And, I'm good at it. My supervisor has already promoted me."

...

"And the research department's head angel went to Lillian yesterday and asked her to transfer me to his branch."

"And?"

"She said I could transfer if that's what I wanted."

...

"So, that's what I'm going to do."

"But, we can still be together right? You'll have your job and I'll have mine. We can be together after work. Here in the ship."

"I'll be working long hours, Winnie. Once I start an experiment, I have to stay with it until it's over. We can still be friends, if that's what you want. But, we won't be seeing each other much."

"We've been more than friends, Arthur."

"About that. When I was in my mortal body, I had a lot of hormones playing havoc with my body. The urge for sex gets humans into a lot of trouble. I don't have any of those silly sexual temptations any longer now that I'm always in my angel body. I acted rather foolishly when I wore the mortal body."

"Foolish?"

"Well, yuh. Kissing is an activity that always involves a high risk of passing viruses from one mortal to another. Logically, it doesn't make sense to do that when the reward for engaging in that activity is so small."

"Small reward? That's not the impression you gave me. I thought you liked being with me."

"That was when I was in a foolish mortal body."

"Again with the foolish."

"I returned my mortal body to Joe-Joe this morning."

"You'll be a great scientist, Arthur. I wish you the best."

"You're not mad at me or anything, right?"

"Why would I be mad? You should go now."

...

_LILLIAN!_

### # # # # # # # #

"Truth ray on," Lillian said. She had just appeared on the deck of the cloned Wilizy/America in response to Winnie's bellow. "I'll answer the questions you're about to ask. I did not influence Arthur's decisions in any way. I did not influence his superior or the head of his department in any way. I gave permission for Arthur to transfer because it was clear that he would not be happy or effective any longer in the Guardian Angel Corp. I would have been happy if the two of you could have stayed together, although Arthur's lack of sensitivity would have been an issue for you. Truth ray off."

"What do I do now? He tossed me aside like I had been nothing to him."

"Right now, you need to go to Reese's cave. A crisis is brewing. Take the hurt you're feeling right now and put it aside for later. Your team needs somebody who can solve a personnel problem coolly and effectively."

"What's the crisis?"

"As Arthur would say, silly humans and their sex drives. And that's only the beginning."

"I don't want you watching me today."

"Fair enough. I'll turn the cameras off."

### # # # # # # # #

_[We're now somewhere else in the Cosmos. You'll figure it out.]_

"I'm telling you Rnst, we have to get some help. We need to find somebody who could talk to the big guy on our behalf."

"Good luck getting somebody to stick his neck out."

"We've been working on this for three years. All that time in a lab and all we can say is that we are getting close. We have a product ready for a pilot test but Heaven is enforcing the treaty now. We can't test this on mortals because it could affect children. All that work has been for nothing."

"If anybody starts looking at staff who haven't contributed anything in the last three years, we'd be top of the list."

"Mining, here we come."

_[I told you that you'd figure it out.]_

"Old Satan endorsed the research. He didn't care what Heaven thought."

"We have nothing in writing from him."

"What about asking that Ponzi guy to speak on our behalf?"

"Perhaps," Hbrt equivocated. "We can't be any worse off than we are now."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 2

Winnie entered Reese's cave and immediately stopped short. Maddy was on one side of the cave, with arms folded, hands clenched into fists, and a scowling face that was looking downright truculent. She was dressed as she normally was. Runners, jeans, and T-shirt. Her blonde hair was unkempt. She had a long bloody scratch down her right forearm.

On the other side of the cave, Fanny Fandigity was sitting on her butt, but leaning back against one of the walls of Reese's cave. She was wearing a pair of dark green slip-ons, a loose fitting green skirt in the same color as her shoes, and a light green t-shirt. The red tint of her hair went perfectly with her clothes, as did the red colored fingernails. She was sucking on a fingernail that was probably painted a fashionable dark green like the other nine digits that were on display.

Reese was leaning up against the cave wall next to his bed. That bed consisted of a foam pad and a blanket. The blanket was tightly made so that its ends were invisible underneath the pad. At the top of the bed, an apparent pillow was also under the covers. In all of the years that Winnie had lived in the Wilizy family house and had walked by Reese's open bedroom, she had never seen his bed made up.

The pillow was always somewhere in the bedroom, but hidden from view by something that was usually smelly. The blanket was always strewn across the floor. It was never on the bed. The conclusion was obvious. Reese had not made his bed this morning. A feminine pair of hands had made that bed this morning. It certainly wasn't Maddy who had provided that feminine touch. That left Fanny who sensed Winnie's stare, stopped sucking on her fingertip, and clasped her hands together. Lillian's mention of _sex drive_ opened the door to a disturbing conclusion. Reese and Fanny had had sex? This couldn't be.

Reese and Fanny could not have had sex for an obvious reason. Maddy was sitting up against a wall across from Fanny in full view, blonde hair and all. If she wanted to disguise herself, she could take the form of Fanny Fandigity with her red hair. If she did, her Maddy body would disappear and her Fanny body would appear. But Fanny, a.k.a. Maddy, was sitting in clear view on the other side of the cave. That was impossible. Both Maddy and Fanny couldn't be seen together. They were the same person. One of them was an impostor.

Winnie walked over to Maddy, lifted her hand and took a long look at the deep scratch mark on her arm. She looked at the truculent teenage face. No question. This was Maddy. Winnie walked across the cave, pulled the Fanny imitator's right hand into view and inspected the fingernails. One was broken. Then, it was Reese's turn. She put her hand under his chin and lifted his face so that she was staring right into his eyes.

"Did you have sex with greenie over there?"

"No?" Reese asked.

"Reese!"

"She said it was a Valentine's Day gift."

"Oh, man! _Reese got sex for Valentine's Day and I got dumped._ Who are you, Greenie?"

"You know me, Winnie. I'm Fanny Fandigity."

"You can't be."

"Her name is Karita and she refuses to go back inside the body," Maddy added an explanation that served only to raise more questions. "Plus, she had sex with Reese, and I've probably been emotionally scarred for life by that. Twelve year old girls are not supposed to be hearing people having sex. I had to put both fingers in my ears and sing to myself. Tell her that she has to go back inside the body and she can't have any sex with Reese again."

"Oh, man! Reese what have you done?"

"I didn't do anything wrong, Winnie. Fanny is 18-years old. That's what she told me. I didn't know Maddy was here until she suddenly appeared. And then they began to fight and Maddy was punching her hard in the ribs, and Karita was going for her eyes and yanking her hair. I had to break it up with a gravity pulse and confine them each to a wall."

"Oh, man! Why is this family so weird?"

"Did you come because I yelled into the sky about not wiping my memories?"

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do?" Karita peeved. "Maddy won't listen to reason. She's a body hog."

"You're a slut, Karita. You're twelve years old, same as me. You're not allowed to have sex."

"Reese didn't complain. You broke my ribs, but I healed them already. How's that scratch on your arm doing, body hog?"

"Ah, man! Everybody shut up so that I can think!"

...

"Reese, take Karita in your sling and follow my GPS. Maddy, you have your sling on that body, right?"

"Yeah."

"Follow my GPS."

### # # # # # # # #

"What is this place?" Karita asked.

"We're in Surrey BC and you're looking at a shopping mall that has an Ice Cream Palace inside. We will sit down like normal people and we will talk. You and Maddy will tell me peacefully and quietly all about yourselves and this body that you talk about. I need the whole story, so don't skip anything."

"Why the Ice Cream Palace, Winnie?" Reese asked.

"Because I'm going to give myself a Valentine's gift of lots and lots of ice cream. You three can have ice cream too, but no arguing. I will fix things for you. Reese, we have a family account at the WC&D store. While you're at the pharmacy, pull out enough money to handle the ice cream."

"Why am I going to a pharmacy?"

"Maddy and Karita have real bodies, as in bodies that can make babies. Do you really...."

"I get it."

"Ewww. I get it too. This is so not what I want to think about."

### # # # # # # # #

"OK, I understand. Four girls lived in one body that we called _EmmaGee_ and nobody in our family clued in. The other two have left the body to become wolves, but you two have to share the body. Saying it like this makes it seem so reasonable. At least for our family. Reese, take Karita back to your cave and wait for me there. Maddy, sling back to Billings. Do not even think about using your Fanny body. It's currently occupied. You guys take off now. I'll stay behind and pay."

...

_Hey Galahad, are you here?_

_Yes, My Queen._

_Did you hear everything?_

_Yes, My Queen._

_I have access to Heaven's full resources, right?_

_Yes, My Queen but..._

_You're supposed to be my first call, right?_

_Yes, My Queen._

_So I'll run my plan by you and you will tell me if I'm saying anything that Heaven can't do or anything that I can't do._

_It may not be as easy as that._

_We'll talk about it. Did you bring your mortal body with you? And don't call me 'My Queen.' You're off duty as of now. I'm Guinevere. Got it?_

_Yes, Guinevere._

_Have you had ice cream before?_

_No. Are you planning to have more ice cream? At one point, you looked like you were going..._

_That was a temporary brain freeze, Galahad. A girl who has been dumped on Valentine's Day has no maximum on the amount of ice cream that she can rightfully call on to console herself. Well, where are you?_

_I'm coming through the front door of the mall now._

_I have two big bowls of ice cream for us. I may decide to put my face in the bowl and slurp it up like I was bobbing for apples._

_I'm not familiar with that expression._

_Good. Just copy whatever I do. I am nowhere near finished here._

_I can do that._

_If I pour a bowl of melted ice cream over your head, it won't be anything personal, Galahad._

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 3

"I decided not to go to Ponzi."

"Why?"

"He can't get us an exemption from the treaty. We're not supposed to kill children. It's a long-standing clause. We're bound to break the Heaven-Hell treaty if we run our test. This virus will be devastating to all ages."

"So, what do we do?"

"What would happen if the lab we've set up on Earth to run the pilot had a small explosion because a mortal broke in and tried to steal something. Unfortunately, that explosion meant that our test sample was blown into the air. How would that be our fault?"

"It wouldn't be our fault if we reported it right away."

"Right. And if we said that we didn't know if our virus was potent our not, Satan would want to believe us, right?"

"Yeah. He certainly would not want to report the explosion to Heaven because that would reveal that we had been working on this for years when Old Satan was in charge. It's clearly against the treaty. Would Satan want to report that?"

"No, never."

"He'd probably reward us for finding a way to kill so many mortals with an invisible weapon."

"We might be able to license it to the war devils. They haven't had much chance to start any wars what with the climate change consequences."

"You know, there's a way that Satan would endorse our research and have a good laugh at Heaven at the same time."

"How?"

"If Heaven were responsible for blowing up the lab."

"That would be hard to arrange."

"It wouldn't be hard at all. We'll get some demons to do some gossiping where shoulder angels can hear. They'll talk about how our product succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. Long, slow deaths now await mankind. That's bound to reach an important angel. That angel will send somebody to check out the lab. Presto, bang-o. Heaven caused the deaths. We're heroes. Wall of Shame, here we come."

"We don't know how to rig an explosion."

"How many bomb makers would you say afterlive in Hell?"

### # # # # # # # #

"Sadly, our emigrants to Lucifus were arrested for not following appropriate norms of misconduct on their new planet. Their punishment was death."

"What did they do?" Ponzi asked the 'big guy.'

"Does it matter?"

"Not really. Your deal with Lucifus stipulated that they had to welcome them with open claws. After that, they could invent any excuse to kill them."

"They peed in Lucifus' public tunnels."

"That's a hard habit to break. So, are we going to take the next load of emigrants even close to Lucifus?"

"The captain has orders to fill the ship with minerals and then stuff the devils in the cargo hold. A test of the ship's emergency breathing masks will take care of them."

"I didn't realize they had emergency breathing masks on that ship."

"They don't. I want you to look over this draft announcement. I have to do something about the new treaty that you signed us into."

...

"You have it covered. No threat to the sanctity of Earth's atmosphere, land and resources is allowed. Also, we can't get in the way of mortals who are trying to save their planet. Are you expecting any devils to complain?"

"Nah. They know what waits for them if they do. The second announcement could be a little tricky. We have to stop senior devils and Inner Pentagram devils from enjoying sex vacations on Earth."

"It won't be a problem any more because we're transporting all of our senior devils into the vacuum of outer space."

"Still, if I could retain the principle of giving out sex vacations as a reward, that would be good for morale. It would also give the Inner Pentagram devils an option for carnal enjoyment closer to home. Here's my draft announcement. Tell me what you think. You can be honest."

...

"Some devils will love you."

"Yeah, I figure I should show a softer side now that I've cleaned house."

"You'll be seen as a devil who's willing to solve long standing problems. But, there'll be outrage too. You have to put a lid on that. Your basic message has to be: _Everybody has to pull their weight. Some devils haven't been doing that. It's time that they did_."

"If you can get the program operating peacefully, I'll name you my Chief of Staff. If not, I hear the moon is a lovely place to visit this time of year."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 4

"Where's Winnie," Lillian asked Keely. It was several days after Galahad and Guinevere had shocked the customers of the Ice Cream Palace by pouring melting ice cream over each other and then leaving in giggles. She was meeting with Keely and Joe-Joe in their normal location. Lillian had kept her promise not to watch Winnie during this period of her life.

"Winnie is back at home and looks to be settling in for a visit with her parents," Keely answered. "In the last couple of days, she has met privately with everybody on her team to explain the changes she's making. She didn't meet with Joe-Joe about the science that she was requisitioning, but Galahad had assured her that the science was possible."

"She didn't consult with you, Joe-Joe?"

"No, you had given here access to all the heavenly resources that she might need, with the provision that she speak to Galahad first. He told her what she wanted could be done."

Keely added to that: "She talked with me because our two teams have some mutual goals. She told me what she wanted to do, and I thought her changes would benefit both of our teams. We've made all the changes. Everybody is happy."

"Tell me why you're happy."

"Winnie wanted Reese to have less involvement with the Nemeses. He's still going to be the judge, but she wanted me to identify their targets rather than have Reese trolling through the streets looking for perverts. It was a good idea, so I'll pick their targets from now on. We have lists of dangerous mortal and devils. I'll draw from those lists. Cassie will continue to provide support. Doc will run the team. I agreed to add Maddy to the team so that she can provide security in case the team is threatened. Maddy will have her sling weapons and that should take care of any threat issues."

"What is Reese doing that is more important?"

"Winnie wanted him to enroll in the law program at Cambridge University and study to be a real judge."

"Why Britain? There are good schools closer."

"She wanted him out of the country."

"Did they have a fight?"

"No. He found a friend. A very good friend. That friend is why he's leaving North America."

"Spill it."

"Do you know that humans can sometimes develop multiple personalities that share the same body? So what happened was ..."

_[You know what Keely will say, so we'll skip this.]_

### # # # # # # # #

"How is Winnie fixing all of this feuding, Keely?"

"Quite adroitly, Lillian. Winnie has instructed Joe-Joe to give Karita her own mortal body and Karita will keep the angel body that she's been using and can convert it to Fanny Fandigity, the media reporter. Winnie wanted her to be closer to Reese's age so they wouldn't be too noticeable. She'll be 18-years old. Karita will go with Reese to London so they can see where their relationship is going without Wilizy women prying into their lives. While Karita is there, she'll complete online instruction in high school subjects since she only has the knowledge of a 12-year old. While there, she can be part of the Nemeses, and they can use her to extract confessions. By the time Yolanda meets her, she'll have a British accent, and she'll have only a slight resemblance to Maddy."

"Winnie instructed us to shift the clone of the Wilizy ship over to London so that they'll have a place to stay," Joe-Joe added.

"That ship will be full of bad memories for her," Keely commented. "It's a smart move. She's going to stay on Earth until you need her team."

"I'll set up a living space for her when she's in Heaven," Lillian offered. "I have something in mind that will work well. We don't have to worry about her appearing publicly in Heaven now that Hell's spies are gone. She can use the Guinevere identity whenever she's here. What's happening with her team, Keely?"

"She has enhanced it with new members: Meghan and Paula remain, of course. She added Cassie as a way to double her soul surveillance capabilities in Hell, while Meghan will continue to run her own spy network. Maddy and Karita will serve angelic apprentices with occasional operational duties. Both need the time to concentrate on their schooling. Maddy will retain her current mortal body but there'll be no other personality inside her body. Her angelic body will be known as Fanny Fandigitydog. It will be somewhat similar to Fanny Fandigity's body so that Maddy can take over that body if Karita is facing physical threats."

Joe-Joe introduced a new wrinkle. "Winnie ordered us to give members of her team the original new angelic body that we had developed for her and Arthur. I had to weaken that body when Arthur developed memory leaks so that he could use it. Since everybody in her team already has full mortal memories, they can go with the high power body even if it does have the potential to produce a memory leak."

"What's that mean in terms of access to heavenly powers, Joe-Joe?" Keely asked.

"First, they'll have no need to request anything through the halocracy. Plus, they have unlimited access to pre-designed devil bodies, demon bodies, human bodies or animal bodies. All members of her team will have the ability to mind-speak within their team network. The mortals on the team can fly invisibly via their Wilizy slings while Cassie and Paula retain their ability for instantaneous travel. And my favorite: all will have the ability to get inside the minds of whatever mortals or afterlife beings that they face. She's completely replaced Arthur and doubled or even tripled her team's capabilities," Joe-Joe concluded.

"What's our risk in terms of the Cops of the Cosmos accusing us of breaking the prime directive?" Lillian asked Joe-Joe.

"Winnie will be the only member of the team to have access directly into Heaven. The others will have no visible link to Heaven, and as such, their work on Earth and in Hell as our subcontractors will not be readily discovered."

"I see that her team is uni-gender," Keely observed. "Do you think that's a result of Valentine's Day, Lillian?"

"Probably. She trusted Arthur completely and he blindsided her. She was ready to share her afterlife with him. They had agreed that Valentine's Day would be their first time. And then he forgot about their agreement and he told her that human sexuality temptations are silly. I would have spared her that discussion, but I couldn't."

"This will affect her for some time," Keely cautioned. "Her first love rejected her in the harshest of ways."

"It didn't affect her decision making," Joe-Joe remarked. "Galahad said that he basically nodded approval to all of her plans."

"Can Galahad still serve as her protector, Joe-Joe?" Lillian asked.

"According to Galahad, yes. People who take turns bobbing for apples in a bowl of ice cream are considered trustworthy."

"What is bobbing for apples exactly?" Keely asked.

"Galahad wouldn't say. I assume that the activity served as a blood bond, but made with ice cream instead."

"Where do the apples come in?"

"Beats me."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 5

Before leaving for home, Winnie had given Cassie, Paula, and Meghan an assignment: Sneak into Hell, find the mining camps, and determine as much as they could about them. How many are there? Where are they? What do they consist of? What are they mining? What are working conditions like? Can any miner escape? What's the level of unhappiness?

She added some recreational assignments to her team as well. Get used to your new bodies. Create at least three mortal, angelic and devilian bodies. Try out the mind suggestion powers on each other. If time allows, try their mind suggestions on real devils. She'd be on Earth and would call everybody together for a meeting when she was finished with her family meetings.

The first day at home was tearily sloppy, as you would have predicted. Winnie walked into Hank and Yolanda's house and announced that she'd be there for a couple of days. Yolanda looked at her and asked, "Who died?"

Winnie said, "I think I did," and that lead to a retreat into Winnie's bedroom that lasted the rest of the day. You may now assume that Yolanda knows everything about the break-up with the exception of the heavenly connections. Hank received an edited version. Not that Winnie had asked her mom to keep anything from her dad. Yolanda edited because she didn't want Hank strapping on his guns and searching for the man who had treated his daughter so badly. You probably know that Hank was fiercely protective of his family.

"How much do you want me to hold back from the family?" Yolanda asked her.

Winnie knew that the Valentine's massacre, so to speak, could not be kept secret. "Don't tell anybody about the sex stuff," she responded.

"A man that doesn't remember that his sweetheart would be hitting the sack with him on Valentine's night is not the man you want in your life."

"I hadn't seen that part of him before."

"It's lucky you found out now. None of this is your fault."

"There were other signs. I ignored them. I wanted him to be the one."

"We'll go shopping tomorrow. Pamper ourselves."

"I don't need any clothes, Mom. What's here in my closet will do."

"Have you been overeating recently?"

"One ice cream binge, that's all."

"You're up a size."

"No. I'm same size as I was before Christmas."

Well, Yolanda was the expert on sizes, and after trying on there different sets of jeans, Winnie had to admit that either all three had shrunk from hanging in the closet for too long, or she may have put on a little weight. She'd work that off quickly.

### # # # # # # # #

The next two days were full of family, family, family. Mostly small groups on the feminine side. The more often Winnie confided, the less she needed to confide. Even Liset approached her and said that she was sorry for what had happened.

_[I was telling the truth, too. I hadn't had any boy friends yet. Having a boy friend was difficult seeing as how I was in a cadet camp in the wilderness and my mom had declared cadets were off limits. Dire consequences would follow were I to show any interest in any of them. But I did know that I'd probably be dumped at some point in my life. My history of failed marriages proves that even at 12-years old, I had some knowledge of what my future life would be like. In my case, I was always the dumper, not the dumpee. But to be honest, I've shown terrible judgment about men in my life. My dad blames my grandmother for my difficulties with husbands. Apparently, I had to forage for food scraps when I was barely walking because she had disowned me and left me on my own to starve death. I'm fine with blaming her too. I try to be a good grandmother and have had lots of practice.]_

### # # # # # # # #

"Winnie! Doc, it's Winnie! Hot chocolate and marshmallows are coming up."

Winnie had sat with Doc and Granny and her parents for all of the evening meals at the camp, so this wasn't the first time she had met with them on this visit. This afternoon, she was working. Lillian wanted her in Heaven tomorrow if she could make it. Winnie told her that she was all cried out and would be there.

After a decent amount of catching up, Winnie steered the conversation to Doc's health.

"I hear you are feeling much better now," she opened.

"I'm like a new man," he said truthfully. He had to do that because Winnie was looking right at his face.

"In that case, I want to go for a challenging hike with you. Granny, would you like to come?"

"No, dear. Hikes are beyond me. I'll putter around here. Did you want to take some goodies with you tomorrow morning?"

"Fresh chocolate chip cookies?"

"They'll be ready in an hour."

### # # # # # # # #

"This won't be much of a hike," Doc observed as they landed on a piece of flat prairie far from the camp.

"I wanted some time alone with you, Doc. I know about your new body. I've known for some time."

"Fishing is the key to good health."

"Keely is your key to good health."

"Who's Keely?"

"Keely is colleague of mine in the security company that I work for. When she's lazing around with nothing to do, she wears feathers. So do I."

"Huh."

Winnie waited for Doc to digest the news. How much time would you need if somebody in the family confessed to being an angel? Doc took it in stride. Theo and Nary had panthers sort of living inside of them. Being an angel was nothing compared to that.

"I was suspicious when you asked Hank and me to do some Titr'ng. You should have been able to do that yourself. I didn't think about you being an angel. I wondered if a boy friend was filling your time. Will you show me what you look like?"

Winnie obliged and converted back to Winnie.

"That's wonderful, Winnie," Doc said and held out his arms. "I'm very proud of you." His eyes were shiny with tears. He held her tight and embraced her in a strong hug.

It turned out that Winnie wasn't all cried out like she thought she was. There's nothing like a big strong chest to cry and talk into. One that had a steady, strong heart beat.

### # # # # # # # #

"I'm done feeling sorry for myself, Doc. I'm over Arthur for good. Never again will I waste tears on him."

"Good."

"Can you convert to an angelic body when you're running a Nemeses operation?"

"No. They never offered me that option. I coordinate the group. I can communicate directly with Keely. That's all. You knew about that?"

"I observed your last trial invisibly. Your team and my team will have to work closely together from time to time. You'll still go after perverts, but I'll borrow Cassie for some of my operations."

"You have a team? You're in charge of operations?"

"Yes. Kelly and I worked this out. Maddy is a member of my team but in an apprentice role. When you take a pervert to trial, she'll be there to keep control over the prisoner. Reese will back off a bit but will still be your judge. I'll let him tell you about his plans. He's happy for the first time in years."

"Wow. Maddy, Reese and Cassie work for Heaven?"

"And so do you. And so does Lohla and Lylah's mother. Paula's dead but she's been hanging around as a spirit just like Cassie."

"The spirit world is a very deep part of the aboriginal belief system."

"Your former mortal body is dead. You know that, right?"

"Yes. I find it difficult to hide my new body. I have lots of energy but in this camp I'm an old man and I have to pretend to be sedentary."

"How'd you like to visit Heaven?"

"You can arrange that?"

"I'll find out if I can tomorrow morning."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 6

Winnie's appearance in Joe-Joe's workshop quickly turned into a short stay in a secluded hospital room. One that required her to be unconscious.

"What did you do to me?" Winnie asked after she woke up and remembered why she was in the bed.

"We had to give you a new body," Joe-Joe replied. "You've been upgraded to a _low level management body_."

"Which is what?"

"It has more functions and higher energy levels than you had before," Lillian replied. "Now that you have a full sized team, you'll need to devote more time to managing that team and, as well, you have to handle your personal afterlife. You'll find that with this body you won't need to sleep very often when you are in Heaven. Your solar power receptors are more effective than the ones you had before."

"That's it?"

"You have additional powers too," Joe-Joe continued. "Read the body manual."

Lillian took over the explanation. "I have created a place for you stay and be comfortable in Heaven. It's in a location that few will be able to find. You know about the Guinevere legend, right?"

"Yeah. Supposedly, she married an Arthur. I bet she regretted that."

"There are many legends and yes, it didn't work well for her in some of those accounts. In one legend, she was supposed to marry Arthur, but he turned out to be a jerk. In her unhappiness, Guinevere retreated to a small four-storey castle called _Castle Loch_. She stayed there until she found her true love. We brought a copy of that castle to Heaven. It has an excellent view and it has everything a modern Guinevere will need. Would you like to see it?"

"You're giving me a castle to live in?"

"Yes. Joe-Joe will stay here. Satan will be issuing a pan-pagan announcement soon and we want the details. _Castle Loch sky view_ ," Lillian said into the air.

"Why am I dizzy?"

"Your castle exists in a unique dimension that Hell will never be able to find. Whenever you cross dimensions, your body experiences some discomfort. My own office is located in a unique dimension and my guests feel the switch. Castle Loch is ahead of us. I accessed the sky view, but you can arrive directly in front of the castle's front door by saying _castle_ and then _loch."_

"I see a big lake, mountains, and a small grass covered island with the castle in the center. Great setting. How real is that lake?"

"It's real enough to swim in. The lake is the source of your drinking and bathing water. It's not the source of any food. This dimension exists only as far as you can see now. There is nothing on the far side of those mountains. You can control the weather. Scotland is known for its rains but you can schedule them. There's an instruction manual in your office."

"What's my security, other than being stashed somewhere where nobody will think of looking for me?"

"You control the portal. Nobody can pass through the portal except the angels you tell the castle to accept. Members of your team, for example. They can use the portal from anywhere on Earth, but not from Hell. You will need to tell them what code word you want them to use if it isn't the two words I gave you. You will hear a ding when a guest arrives at your door. You can change the ding to a bagpipe greeting if you are feeling medievalian."

"No, thank you. You and Joe-Joe have access too, obviously."

"Yes. Keely, Galahad, and Martha as well. You can't prevent the five of us from passing through the portal for emergency reasons. There's a privacy setting, which is a polite way of asking to be alone. The five of us can ignore that if we choose to."

"Will you always be watching me?"

"Yes. Will that bother you now?"

"No."

"Would you care for a tour?"

"Is it dusty and dirty inside?"

"No. Sparkling clean, actually. I knew that you'd want that. You take after your mother a bit," Lillian smiled.

"No reason to be nasty," Winnie smiled back.

"It was a compliment. I find it hard to tolerate a person who lives like a driggle-draggle. Here's the main floor and the large boardroom with room for a dozen. You have standard heavenly comfort in terms of chairs, or lack thereof."

"What's a driggle-draggle? Where does this door go?"

"A driggle-draggle is what we used to call an untidy person back in the day. The door leads to your personal office."

"It's much bigger than the boardroom."

"You'll want to decide where to put your own computer and what furniture and anything else you want. From here, you'll have access to Heaven's paradise.com network, Hell's purgatory.net, as well as any of Earth's computer networks. Try not to leave breadcrumbs behind when you have to hack into Hell. There's plenty of room here. Organize it the way you want."

...

"Second floor kitchen, dining room, and living room."

"Food?"

"You can order it online from Earth. We have a delivery service to the Porcelain Gates customs crossing. Pick it up there. You now have a chip in your body that is registered in Heaven's database under the name Angela 35,211. You officially exist now. Somebody will scan your chip and bring the shipment across the border. It's up to you to bring it from customs to your castle. If it's on a pallet and if you are on top of that pallet, it will pass through the portal."

"Bathrooms?"

"Modern conveniences on all floors. The second floor bathroom is at the other end of the living room."

"Cold water from the lake for showering?"

"Hot water heater powered by solar."

...

"The third floor has bedrooms. All are empty now. We can copy anything that is in your bedroom at home and install it here. You won't spend much time here, because your need for sleep will be so minimal. This floor is essentially empty space. Convert it to anything you want. You can put a hammock on the roof and block out the sun with an artificial moon, if you wish."

"I'd like a copy of all the furniture in my bedroom, please. No clothes though."

"Joe-Joe will take care of that."

...

"Fourth floor."

"Giant gym. Lots of padding on the floor. Will I be falling a lot?"

"Yes. My boards say that you will be facing danger soon. You are not lethal enough. You're fine with a foil, but few of your assailants will be carrying a foil."

"My assailants, as in plural?"

"We don't know for sure. The computer spat out the words _monstrous danger_ for you. That got my attention. You will not always be in a situation where you can use sling weapons, and you should not always count on them being available. You need to disable assailants easily and quickly, remembering that you will always be smaller than they are. Would you like a bigger angel body?"

"No. By disable, you mean kill?"

"Only if you want to continue to afterlive. You'll face hand-to-claw combat in close quarters. You aren't ready for that yet."

"How much time do I have to prepare?"

"Ample time, so long as you train assiduously. First, you need more agility, balance, and coordination. Your body has to be able to attack from every conceivable position and from the ground as well as from the air."

"Gymnastics?"

"Yes, we can bring in balance beams, rings, all the usual tools. Perhaps some ballet too."

"My instructor?"

"I'm hoping Martha will volunteer. I haven't approached her yet."

"How is she?"

"She shows signs of progress. She remembers you."

"And the hand-to-claw skills?"

"Galahad will instruct you. He is Heaven's best."

"I find this intimidating. I never was any good in sports or athletics of any kind. I never did much of that kind of thing growing up."

"Your angel body has the necessary athleticism and coordination tor you to learn. It will learn quickly if you challenge it."

"I need to lose weight."

"True. For losing weight, you'll need a different set of training activities."

"I had an idea for that. Heaven can put anything I want in this dimension, right?"

"Yes. What are you thinking of?"

"Can we go up on the roof?"

....

"This is a great view. I may sleep up here, but no hammock."

"Understood."

"See that green space to the left. It looks to be big enough to put a training facility there. The ground might need some leveling off. Can Heaven do that?"

"Certainly."

"A closed building would be best. The sun might be too hot if the building doesn't have a roof and walls."

"Yes, that's why we put the gym inside the castle. You have a gym already. What would you put on the island grass?"

"An ice rink. I've always wanted to learn how to skate. It's great for conditioning, balance, and coordination."

"You mean the old time figure skaters? Ballet on ice?"

"I might want to do that. I'll see. I was thinking more along the idea of learning to play ice hockey."

"She shoots, she scores? Canada's national past time?"

"Way before my time, but yes. Heaven could build an ice rink that had real ice and wouldn't melt, right? "

"Yes. It's an engineering challenge that our military could solve."

"Galahad's people?"

"Some of them, yes."

"Do any of them know how to play hockey?"

"I rather doubt it. Hockey died a long time ago."

"I'll need an instructor that could work with me."

"That could be a challenge."

"I have somebody in mind. It would be a waste of time having an enclosed rink if I didn't have an instructor. I do need to lose some pudge. Skating would do that. Heaven would want me to have a skilled instructor right?"

"Yes. Where are you going with this, Winnie?"

"I'd like Doc, my grandfather, to be my instructor. He played hockey when he was young and he's stuck on Earth pretending to be an old guy when he's in a young body. He's already working for Heaven. All he needs is an angel body so that he can come to Heaven and teach me in this very private and secure environment where nobody would know that he was here."

...

"That was a sneaky ploy getting me to agree to everything first."

"Sneaky is a word that is unfairly construed as something negative. I just encouraged you to see the wisdom of giving Doc an angel body that he should have had anyway."

"I'm not complaining. I think it's a good idea. For you and for him."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 7

It's a few minutes later. Winnie and Lillian are back in Joe-Joe's workshop. Meghan, Cassie and Paula were waiting for them so that they could tell them about Satan's pan-pagan announcement. Actually two announcements. Meghan was reporting.

"The first announcement didn't cause much of a stir. Basically, Satan said that Hell couldn't destroy Earth's environment or prevent mortals from saving the environment from now on. The old guard might have put up a fuss about that, but this younger generation of devils that grew up as mortals in a time of climate change know that if they destroy the Earth, they take away the purpose of having a Hell."

"We knew that was coming," Lillian said. "It was part of the treaty revision. He took his time getting around to announcing it though."

"The second announcement was a shocker. From now on, Hell will focus on hard torture, not _measly wrist slapping torture_. His words. In effect, Rat won the duel. Satan said that _Technology Assisted Torment_ was not an acceptable form of torture. He has disbanded the Media Manipulation Division along with a number of other sindustry subdivisions that provided soft torture. He also listed specific tortures that would no longer be rewarded with horn growth. There was a common theme in all of these. Any guesses?"

Keely didn't have to think about it. "Female devils will never be promoted. All the soft tortures he has banned were their specialties."

"He called them _devilettes_. Then he went into a mini-rant about how everybody in Hell had to pull their weight. If they weren't contributing to the torture sindustry, he would find some other way for such devils to contribute. Male devils who hadn't been promoted in the recent past would become Class 3 devils and would work in the mines. Devilettes who hadn't been promoted recently could become Class 2 devils or Class 3 devils. Their choice."

"What's class 2?" Keely asked.

"He made them wait for that. Again, he went into a mini rant about how Heaven had schemed and whined so loud that the Cops of the Cosmos had forced Satan to remove an obscure and little used promotional perk that old Satan had used for morale purposes. From now on, devils will not be able to take holidays on Earth and have sex with female mortals, no matter what their ages."

"Oh, oh," Keely interjected.

"Yup," Meghan confirmed what Keely had already figured out. "Class 2 devils will henceforth be given mortal bodies and will reside in _pleasure palaces_ situated throughout Hell for the enjoyment of all devils who have horns big enough to qualify for the reward. In this way, devilettes will have the means to contribute to Hell's long term plans. Their purpose in the afterlife is to keep devils happy."

"They'll be sex workers?" Keely asked.

"Sex yes, but workers not so much. They'll be paid in tormentts so that they can afterlive in Hell, but they won't receive promotion benefits such as larger horns. Class 2 devils will receive mortal clothes and body when they have guests, a pad to lie on, and green bean soup."

...

Lillian was the first to recover the ability to speak. "Every male devil now loves Satan."

"Yes. Pleasure palaces will begin to take customers in a week. Reservations are recommended."

"I knew most of the women in SinSin-atti," Keely started. "They were decent women for the most part. Yes, they had sinned and had earned their sentence to Hell. But, they were doing their job in Hell, albeit without imposing excess pain and suffering on their victims. We hung out and complained about the male dominant environment in Hell. We all felt the same about that. We had no chance for real success. I made it to a director position, but I was the first to do that ever. I enjoyed the company of those women. That kind of social networking made it possible for the women to handle the system-wide misogyny. They don't deserve this."

"We can't be involved," Lillian ruled before Keely could suggest that they do.

"Why not?" Keely bristled. "Women are women no matter where they live or afterlive. We should support them."

"Are you actually expecting them to have equal opportunities and equal treatment in Hell?" Lillian countered.

"That'll never happen," Meghan said. "I was there. That's a pipe dream."

"We have an opportunity to throw Hell into chaos if we can take advantage of the anger those women will have," Keely said.

"At what cost to the women there and to Heaven?" Paula put her oar into the water. "They'll all end up in the mines. That's not a solution for them. That's a quick death sentence."

"Lillian, instead of saying that we can't be involved, how about saying that we shouldn't be caught getting involved?" Winnie asked.

"Winnie, please don't tell me that you want to promote a woman's rights movement in Hell," Lillian declined to answer the question.

"I have an idea," Winnie idea'd.

"Joe-Joe, tell them that we can't interfere in Hell's internal affairs. Joe-Joe? Where'd Joe-Joe go?"

"Keely, are you in?" Winnie asked.

"Who's in charge?"

"You are when we're in Hell, but it's my plan."

"I'm in."

"Me too, Meghan said.

"Me three," Paula added.

"Me four," Cassie summed up their feelings arithmetically.

"Lillian?" Winnie asked. "Are you in or are you siding with the men?"

"That's not fair. I'm all in favor of women's rights, but Hell is a man's paradise. We can't have any impact there."

"Winnie said that she had an idea, Lillian." Paula reminded her in case she hadn't noticed.

"I give up, but I need to have deniability if the Cops of the Cosmos come calling. I'll check Winnie's plan for undetected ramifications."

"This'll be fun. You'll see."

### # # # # # # # #

Meanwhile in Hell, Hbrt and Rnst were reacting to Satan's announcement from a different perspective, namely, the perspective of two short horned devils. Both devils had arrived in Hell together, attended the same torture pits, graduated at the same time, and reached apprentice devil grade under the same devil. Thus, it's not surprising that they would be paired together in their fledging new business. Physically, they were entirely different. As a mortal, Rnst had been baptized Earnest. He had a wide face, a very big mouth, and a shock of uncombed black hair on his head. Hbrt had been baptized Hubert. He was much taller, with a long narrow face, and a mostly baldpate. The devil who apprenticed them took one look and called them Bert and Ernie. Nobody referred to them as anything else.

"We need to hide somewhere other than SinSin-atti," Ernie urged. "We're too noticeable here with stubs as horns."

"I have a friend named Krmt who lives in AudaCity," Bert agreed. "He will be happy to hide us. We can put the finishing touches on the virus there."

"When we're done, we should test it in a large mortal city. If it has initial success, it should attract Heaven's attention. They'll investigate and that's when we'll get Heaven to blow the poison up all over that city. We'll receive the credit; they'll get the blame."

"Have you made any progress on finding a demolition expert?"

"A devil named Anml is willing to sign up, but he wants a share of the fame."

"We can do that."

"How are we going to test the toxin?"

"It'll be easy. You'll see."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 8

AudaCity was at the end of a long PUS line. It was more of a town than a city, but it did have electricity and green bean soup infrastructure. Krmt met Bert and Ernie at the PUS terminal and helped them load all of their lab equipment onto a cart, which he offered to pull to their hideaway. Krmt's body was short, with stubby horns, large feet, a big nose, and very green scales. More about that in a bit.

"A bunch of us have caves in what you could call the end of the world. All of us believe that Heaven is going to destroy Hell, so we have taken refuge in what we consider to be the safest part of Hell. It's safe because nobody in mainstream Hell knows that we're hiding here. Some AtroCity citizens know, but they simply want to be left alone. Few PUS passengers come to AtroCity from SinSin-atti, and if they look hornocratic, nobody in AtroCity gives them the time of day. It's a half hour walk through rough terrain to our little village. Very few devils would ever want to take that walk."

"Why are you hiding?" Bert asked.

"We hide in the wilderness because we expect Heaven will attack Hell either directly with their army, or by indirect means, like blowing holes into the mantle and letting sunlight into the tunnels. To ensure that nobody in the hornocracy knows who we are, we give ourselves understandable nicknames. We reject Hell's mind numbing hatred of vowels. It's outright insane to ban vowels. Hell should pay more attention to Heaven's planned attacks than naming devils with only consonants. My name in my village is spelt and pronounced Kermit. I told you that I could help you because your names clearly indicate that you believe in the end of the world as we do. Sunlight doom is coming. We have to be prepared."

"Our names indicate that we believe the same as you?"

"Yes, Bert and Ernie are obvious code names. We don't have anybody named that yet, so you'll fit in fine. We do have a Statler, Waldorf, Fozzie, Animal, Gonzo, Rolf and Rizzo. Those code names are taken."

"I don't understand," Ernie admitted.

"We've named ourselves after the Crumpets."

"Who are the Crumpets?" Bert asked.

"I see what you're doing," Kermit said. "You don't know who to trust. Playing dumb is a good idea until you know us better." _[There were no flies on Kermit. Or flying around him.]_

### # # # # # # # #

"So, this is the Crumpet Village. All of the highest caves on the cliff are taken by the crumpets who believe there'll be a flood. All we have left for you are the low level caves, but since you don't plan to stay here long, you'll probably be OK. All of the caves go deep into the mountain. If you put a light reflective tarp over the cave entrance, you'll be safe if Heaven attacks with light beams. Just stay at the back of the cave."

"What do you do about food?" Bert asked.

"We have green bean soup pipes. In case those pipes are severed in a war, we keep reservoirs of green bean soup in hiding spots in nearby valleys. We fill them up from the pipes. We have enough soup to last several years. Some of us have stills in our caves and are fermenting the soup. We can get a nice little buzz if you let it sit for 48 hours. If you don't see anybody around, that's because we're not much into socializing. You should stay clear of Gonzo. He has a death wish."

"I have to ask. I hope you don't mind. You're very green. How? Why?" Ernie with the question.

"It's not easy being green. I have a compulsion to be clean. I bathe twice daily, but we only have green bean soup to bathe in. The color seeps into my scales. Speaking of cleanliness, stay clear of Rowlf. He is a walking flea infestation."

### # # # # # # # #

While Bert and Ernie were setting up their lab in the back of the cave, Winnie was giving her team a tour of her castle that ended at the roof. The construction on the ice rink was nearly complete, so she simply explained that it was part of her exercise regimen and let it go at that. They decided to meet on the roof, as it was a sunny, breezy day. They sat under a collapsible awning that Winnie had ordered up from Earth and sipped some freshly squeezed lemonade. They talked about the tunnels they had explored. Paula was the one chosen to describe what they had found when they looked for the mining camps in Hell.

"The mines are easy to find. They have a production center in BelicoCity, which is a big sized city. The production center is where all the rocks from the mine are delivered. Miners process the rocks and extract useful minerals. Some devils believe that they'd be able to live longer working in the production center. But they don't understand that they have to work with a lot of strong chemical acids. After they've lost the use of both hands, their bodies are dumped in the big pit where the useless tailings from the mines are dumped. BelicoCity was chosen to be the mining hub because of their large deep canyons."

"From BelicoCity's production center, a modified PUS tunnel has been drilled. It carries a green bean soup pipe at the top of the tunnel. An electrical rail goes down the center of the tunnel bottom and powers the train and the tunnel boring machine. These are not regular sized tunnels that you would find in cities. These tunnels are four feet high and four feet wide. A small narrow freight train travels down the line to the mining camps and returns every four hours, seven days a week. It's a straight run there and back. There's only the one line."

"Mining camps are located wherever sufficient deposits have been found to warrant a stop in the tunneling. Miners with pick-axes and power drills carve out an open area on both sides of the tunnel. That area is extended as broadly as required and becomes a temporary camp. While some miners are doing manual labor to extract mineral bearing rocks, the tunnel machine moves forward. It stops when it finds another deposit worth mining manually. Currently, there are two deserted camps and four other camps with manual mining continuing."

"That freight train carries up to a dozen open freight cars that are loaded either with debris from the tunnel machine or mineral bearing rocks from the mining camps. The caboose on the train carries supplies and new mining equipment from BelicoCity. It also carries the devils who have died that day and they are thrown into the pits with the rocks."

"We saw no evidence that the tunnel lines were planned ahead of time. We don't believe Hell has the capability to find deposits of the minerals that they want. They simply drill a tunnel and examine what the tunneling machine spits out."

"The camps are primitive. The miners sleep on a pad that is lying on rough rocks. Lights are mounted at the face of the deposit where they are mining. Otherwise, it's pitch black, which for devils is still enough to be able to maneuver up and down the tunnel. Miners work eighteen hours a day. We don't know how long they last."

"Escape is impossible. There's a locomotive at the head of the train that can pull or push the cars depending on where it is. That locomotive has an engineer and a guard. Open cars are filled to overflowing and anybody trying to hide in them would be visible. The caboose is locked."

"The mood at the camp is one of resignation and exhaustion. They don't have any kind of protection from flying rock chips. The miners have drilling tools that could serve as weapons, but they are exhausted. The supervisors have lethal sledgehammers. They are former miners who have lasted long enough to be promoted. They're told that they will be returned to civilization if enough miners die under their supervision. We doubt that survival is possible as a miner or as a supervisor. The bosses are regular devils that have a two day on and two day off shift. When they're off shift, they're back in BelicoCity which rumor says is slated to have several pleasure palaces in the next few days. Mining bosses gets first crack at empty reservation times."

"What are they mining, Paula?" Winnie asked.

"The storage facility has five different areas. Each area has a symbol from the periodic table on its entrance. AG stands for silver and AU means gold. They have a moderate amount of both in storage. CO means Cobalt and PT means platinum. Cobalt and Platinum are rare minerals and are required for electronic development. Those two storage areas have very little. U stands for uranium and they have a lot of this. Whenever the miners find a uranium deposit, they have radioactivity to contend with and they're not given any protection. Uranium has only one possible value for Hell. It is needed if you wanted to build a nuclear bomb or a nuclear reactor."

Back to the Table of Contents

#  Chapter 9

It's mid March and time for an update on our heroes and villains.

Reese and Karita have settled into life as students in London. Karita rarely leaves the ship, so intent is she on proving that she has more than a 12-year old brain. Reese attends class during the day at Cambridge and studies in the ship in the evenings. Since neither he nor Karita know how to cook, he picks up take-out on the way home. Their own breakfasts and lunches are barely tolerable which makes fish and chips a great favorite. They give themselves one day off to enjoy what London has to offer. That day is either Saturday or Sunday. To date, they've been visiting museums. And yes, they're enjoying a vibrant sex life.

Doc comes up to Heaven every Saturday and has been showing Winnie how to skate. On ice. Which is very slippery. Which means she falls a lot. Sometimes that means that she slides into the boards, which form the outside perimeter of the oval rink. Falling is something that Winnie is getting very good at.

While Winnie is practicing skating on her ankles, Doc is working on his own long forgotten hockey skills, which include skating backwards and weaving around cones. When he's not working on his skating and stick handling, Doc is shooting at the goalie net that Galahad brought to the rink with a bucket full of pucks and a collection of hockey sticks. Today, Galahad is wearing goalie gear including a helmet with a protective grid over his face. Galahad is an even worse skater that Winnie, so he comes wearing heavy hiking boots that will protect his ankles from a hard shot.

About that reference to Winnie skating on her ankles. Beginning skaters tend to have weak ankles, and their first attempts to skate always start off with their feet turned so far inside that their interior ankle is almost touching the ice. When their ankles strengthen, they are able to keep their skate boots vertical.

Winnie trains in multiple physical activities seven days a week for six hours each day. She practices her skating for an hour in the morning and an hour before going to bed. Galahad shows up half an hour after her first skating practice and he gives her three hours of martial arts skills development in the gym inside the castle. Two hours in a mortal body and one hour in a devil's body. Again, much falling ensues.

That's about all the physical exercise that her body can take, so she is also learning how to play poker. Lillian suggested this activity because she will learn to use her brain in a mathematical environment and will also learn how to read opponents. For now, her opponents are computer generated and Winnie's focus is entirely on mastering the mechanics of playing a variety of poker games.

Keely is not yet ready to start her operation in Hell. The graphic design software that Winnie wanted the pleasure palace women to use was too complicated and Keely had to find a simpler version. This week, she is instructing Cassie, Paula and Meghan in its use. In turn, they will instruct the women in the pleasure palaces when the time is right. Those brothels are all up and running now.

### # # # # # # # #

It's now later in the week. Lillian and Joe-Joe were meeting with Winnie and Keely to talk about Satan's decision to mine uranium. His intention was obvious. Satan would be using the Cops of the Cosmos' portal to load the uranium into Lucifus' orbiting spaceship and deliver it, and the other minerals, to the home planet. So far, the spaceship has been used solely to deliver devils into an orbit around the sun. That would change when Satan had collected enough minerals to start a courier service to Lucifus. In effect, Satan wasn't in Hell to torment humans. He was in Hell so that he could send Earth's mineral resources to the home planet. The uranium meant that Lucifus would be developing nuclear powered ships and weapons. This was not something that the Cosmos could tolerate.

Equally obvious was Heaven's inability to tell the Cops of the Cosmos what Satan was doing.

Question: _How do you know Satan is helping Lucifus to develop nuclear weapons?_

Answer: _We have spies inside Hell._

Question: _Isn't that against the treaty?_

Answer: _Oops._

Good luck with that strategy. This meant that Heaven would have to stop Hell's mining operations on its own. To date, they didn't know how to do that. Even Winnie was drawing a blank.

Bert and Ernie weren't drawing any blanks. Their research was moving along quite nicely now and they estimated they'd be testing their product on human subjects within the month. Some mortal deaths would be inevitable during this first phase. They would try to restrict those deaths to adults. Again, good luck with that.

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 10

Fast-forward two weeks. It's now the beginning of April.

Reese and Karita had purchased tickets to the Chelsea Flower Show for Saturday, April 4. The show was first held at the Royal Hospital Chelsea in West London in 1912 and it continued each year well into the 2030s when climate change riots forced a decade of cancellations. Since then, it has been running annually for forty-three years. The Chelsea Flower Show was arguably the most famous flower and garden show in the world.

Neither Reese nor Karita had green thumbs, but Karita liked flowers and became mesmerized by their colors and aromas whenever they passed a local shop with flowers to sell. This was probably because she had never seen or smelled flowers before, being confined in her bunk bed somewhere inside Maddy's body for many years. Maddy herself didn't notice flowers because they were too flimsy to be used as weapons. Reese saw Karita's fascination and began bringing a flower back to the ship every Friday evening. Somewhere in either his mortal or immortal body, the heart of a romantic beat.

Doc was now showing Winnie how to shoot a puck. When she could hit the puck without missing it wildly, they had two-on-one contests against Galahad in goal. Meanwhile, Galahad was becoming more proficient in goal. He had no real talent for hockey or any other sport, but he was a warrior with a very athletic and trained military body. He was now stopping Doc's slap shots about 50% of the time. However, he had no success figuring out what Doc would do when he stickhandled in on goal. Doc had numerous feints and dekes that essentially turned Galahad inside out, if such a physical conversion were indeed possible. Galahad would end up sprawled on the ice as Doc lifted the puck into one of the top corners of the net.

Winnie's daily skating regimen was paying off. She now could keep her boots upright and was working on developing a strong push from each foot. Unfortunately, turning left or right was doomed to end up in a sprawl and a head first slide into the boards that Galahad once stopped with a head first save of his own. Galahad lent her his goalie helmet for the rest of practice and told her to keep it. He brought a second helmet the next week. At the time, Winnie's only possible way to turn was to slow down to a crawl whenever she got near the end of the rink. Doc tried to teach her how to turn by crossing her feet. That solved the problem of her crashing head first into the boards; now she was crashing into the boards butt first. Galahad said that her butt was big enough to protect herself without needing extra padding. Winnie didn't take that comment all that well. When she put on weight, guess where that weight went to.

Martial arts lessons continued. In the second hour, Winnie was dressed up in goalie gear, minus the skates. Galahad began striking her with his fists and feet at full force and she had to take the speed off the blow by going with it. The padding was necessary because she hadn't learned that part too well yet.

The poker games were becoming more fun now. Keep in mind that Winnie might not have had much athleticism, but she did have a quick mind. Once Lillian told her that her computer opponents all had discernible signs that would reveal when they were bluffing that they had a good hand, that was when Winnie started to enjoy herself. She now could play against a dozen computer generated players, each with _tells_ that revealed their bluffs. She would come to the table with one hundred mini marshmallows and used them to record her bets. If she won, she added to her table collection of marshmallows from the big storage bag. If she ended the evening with more than one hundred marshmallows on the table, she'd have a feast. So far, no feasts, but she did get a smattering of wins that allowed her to finish most evenings with hot chocolate and marshmallows.

Keely, Cassie, and Paula were now in Hell full time. They had to establish themselves as women devils who could be trusted. They also had to coax the female devils into a mindset of resisting what Hell was doing to them. Humor did the trick. Each of the angels had a portfolio of funny pictures that created gales of laughter whenever they had a meeting. The second half of the meeting was when they showed their new friends how to create their own portfolio of funny pictures. Questions on how that portfolio was going to help them were deflected. Winnie was not able to give her team that answer yet.

Nor did she have a plan for Satan's uranium collection yet.

Nor did she have a plan for Bert and Ernie who were now looking for a test city on Earth. Nobody in her team Heavenknew anything about them.

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 11

_WINNIE, I NEED HELP! NOW!_

_Reese, where are you? What's happened?_

_Karita is dying. She can't breathe. We're in the ship above London. We've been sick._

_GALAHAD! POSSIBLE ATTACK ON THE WILIZY IN LONDON; POSSIBLE ATTACK ON HEAVEN IN LONDON._

_..._

_I'm here. Take ten deep breaths, My Queen. Then, tell me what you know._

_..._

_My brother Reese and his girl friend are in the Wilizy ship, which is invisible. They have been sick and his girl friend can't breathe. They have mortal and angelic bodies._

_Can you use the military's portal into London, My Queen?_

_What portal?_

_All military personnel have a portal into London. I will take you through it, but I have to be touching you so that we can go together. Please pardon the personal contact._

_..._

_This is London. Do you know where your ship is?_

_Yes, I have a GPS beacon on the ship and on Reese._

_It'll be faster if you fly me there with your sling. Please pardon the personal contact._

_...._

_Tell your brother that you are outside the ship and you will bring him help soon._

_Doing that now._

_Lieutenant Armstrong, I need your Purification Team at my location as soon as possible. Code Red._

_Winnie, my team will be here within a minute. Can you put me into a mind message conference with your brother?_

_Done._

_Reese, my name is Galahad and we have an emergency medical team arriving on the scene shortly. You're going to be fine. Can you describe Karita's symptoms for me?_

_She came down with something three days ago. She had a bit of a fever and a raspy cough. We thought it was a cold. She's gotten steadily worse. Now she's fighting to breathe._

_Is she in her mortal body or in her angelic body?_

_Mortal._

_And you?_

_I'm in my mortal body too. I caught the same thing but a couple of days later. It's getting worse with me now. I was sleeping and woke up when she started to fight for air._

_Reese, our medics can't see your ship. Can you turn it visible?_

_I can do that, Galahad. I'm familiar with the controls._

_No, My Queen. I can't let you do that. We don't know what's on that ship._

_Reese, can you get to the helm?_ [Winnie asked.]

_Yes. It'll take me a minute. I'm coughing a lot._

_When you're there, put the ship into a full speed lift. Put a cloud around the ship and turn off the invisibility cloak as soon as you see the mists form around you._

_Lieutenant Armstrong, the ship will become visible soon but it will be moving. Purify the exterior of that ship and then wait for further orders._

_Joe-Joe, are you listening?_

_Yes, Galahad._

_I need Heaven's biological expert here in full protective gear. Possible viral attack. While you're finding that angel, send me four military medics in full protective gear._

_Lieutenant Armstrong, once the medics are tending the two mortals, board the ship and purify everywhere except where the mortals are. Don't bother to take specimens. We'll get those from the patients._

_..._

_Reese, we have medics coming aboard now. Two of them will take your vital signs and make you comfortable. Two medics will help Karita. They have a breathing apparatus that will help her get more oxygen. A virus expert will be here shortly to diagnose what you have._

_..._

_Commander, the viral expert is on his way. Arrival in 15 seconds._

_Thank you, Lieutenant._

_...._

_Where is the female, Commander?_ [This question was from a figure in full protective gear including a breathing apparatus on his back and a helmet with a face shield.]

_Winnie, is that you?_

_Arthur?_

### # # # # # # # #

It was several hours later and Winnie was sitting on a hard chair in a hospital hallway that could have been anywhere on Earth but it wasn't. With her were Paula, Cassie, and Meghan. Keely had sent a message from Hell via Cassie to express her regrets that she couldn't be there. Lillian was somewhere in the hospital listening to the voice of the hospital administrator who was saying what Arthur would be saying shortly. We'll listen in on Arthur who is now in his normal feathers.

"Both are going to be OK," he started. "They're in quarantine right now and will remain there for a couple of days at least. There is no doubt that somebody has deliberately infected them with a virus. The virus was from a strain that was part of the great pandemic of 2020 that killed millions of people. That virus and all of its related viruses were obliterated in the 2030s. Somebody has tweaked that virus to reduce the incubation period to about three days instead of fourteen. The results of the infection are the same, but faster acting."

"When can I talk with them?"

"A couple of days at least. Reese is still groggy and isn't up for visitors. Karita is under sedation and the hospital is purifying her blood while she sleeps. In a week, the doctors will inspect her lungs for residual effects. If there are any, they should be able to restore her lungs to full function."

"Did this virus affect both of their mortal and angelic bodies?"

"Lillian asked the same question. The pandemic of 2020 had no effect on angels. Many of them took on front line work in the hospitals without fear of being infected. This version of the virus may be a threat to angels. We don't know how severe that might be."

"Who tweaked the virus?"

"All you need to know is that Hell tweaked it. Perhaps in a lab in Hell, perhaps in a lab on Earth run by devils. Somebody did this deliberately and attacked mortals with the virus. Current mortals do not have the scientific background to make the genetic tweaks that would have been necessary. I've already told Lillian that guardian angels should be looking for the beginning of what could be a massive outbreak of the 2020 virus."

"How did Reese and Karita catch it?"

"You'll have to ask them. Most viruses in the 2020s were spread by hand-to-face contact once infected. This infection couldn't have happened by accident. It was targeted on them."

"Lillian will want an operational meeting?" Winnie predicted the future accurately.

_If you like, I could attend that meeting and help you find who's responsible. It would be like old times. The two of us would be working together again. Maybe, we could..._

"Thank you for being here, Arthur. You saved Reese and Karita's lives. Now I understand why you wanted to work in this field. I'm glad that you were available to help us. I'll let you return to your regular duties. Thank you again."

_Working long hours over a microscope isn't all that enjoyable Winnie. You know..._

_Whatever you're going to suggest will not happen, Arthur. You're where you belong; I'm where I belong._

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 12

For the next three days, Lillian's guardian angels kept a close watch on London's hospitals and clinics. No further infections turned up. She instructed them to keep watching.

Winnie had to wait those three days before she could talk directly with Karita. During that waiting period, she talked with Reese but he couldn't provide any information that would help her other than revealing that their routine had been virtually the same for the three or four days prior to becoming sick except that they went to the Chelsea Flower Show on the Saturday. It was that flower show that Winnie focused on once the pleasantries were exchanged. Reese was there. Galahad was listening in.

"Did you enjoy the flower show, Karita?"

"Yes, very much so. I love flowers."

"Tell me what you and Reese did."

"We walked around looking at and smelling the flowers."

"Big crowd?"

"Yes. It was easy to get lost. We did several times and had to retrace our steps."

"Did anybody jostle you or stick a pin into you?"

"We were always pushing our way through the crowd, but I never felt anybody sticking me with something sharp."

_[Inspection of the clothes that she was wearing revealed no signs of an injection.]_

_[How did you know what clothes she was wearing?]_

_[She's very neat. She has a laundry basket. I looked in there.]_

_[Wouldn't some of those clothes still be carrying the virus?]_

_[Purification first, inspection second. She and Reese can return to the ship whenever they want.]_

"Did anything unusual happen when you were wandering around?"

"No. Not that I recall."

"What about before you arrived at the show?"

"We were invisible when we left the ship. We set down at the edge of copter lot, crouched down in between two copters, waited for nobody to be looking our way, and stood up visible."

"How about when you left the show? How long did you stay? Was anything unusual about your departure?"

"We didn't stay as long as we had planned because all the flowers and the smells ... well, I became sort of romantic. I whispered something to Reese and he agreed that we should go back to the ship, which we did."

"How did you leave without anybody noticing?"

"We went into an alley between two big display tents. It was private and nobody was there with us. We turned invisible and flew straight to the ship."

"Did anybody speak to you while you were in the show?"

"They did when they asked for our tickets," Reese interjected. "Plus some people in the stalls were calling out what they had that would be interesting to us. We never went into any of the big stalls. They were way too crowded. We just looked at things from the big passageways."

"I remember one guy speaking to me. Reese had stopped and was looking at some potted plants. I was a few steps in front of him. A guy came up and said that he had never smelled anything as beautiful as the flower he was holding. He said something about it being a hybrid but that didn't mean anything to me. He held it up so that I could sniff it. I didn't want to be rude, so I did. But, he never touched me."

_[There you go.]_

"Can you remember what he looked like?"

"He was shorter than I was. He had to hold the flower up to my nose."

"Anything else?"

"No. It was a five second interruption in our visit. Is this important?"

"That's hard to say, Karita. Would either of you have any idea what time it was when Reese was looking at the potted plants?"

"I don't even remember being apart from Karita. We were holding hands most of the time."

"We arrived at 10 am. We got back to the ship at about 1:30. I'm sure it didn't happen in the first hour. It didn't happen in the last hour that we were there either."

"It was sunny, right?"

"Yes. I had to wear a hat because I sunburn easily. Reese never burns."

"We know the man was shorter than you. Was he really short?"

"No."

"When he asked you to smell the flower, you would have looked at him. Was he wearing a hat?"

....

"No. He was mostly bald."

_[Well done.]_

_[Thank you, kind sir.]_

### # # # # # # # #

_[Doc, can you get away from the house?]_

_[I usually take a walk in the mornings. Why?]_

_[I need your help with a TiTr excursion. Bring your own TiTr equipment. I'll be in London England and will explain when you're here.]_

### # # # # # # # #

_[It shouldn't be hard to find them in the crowd. There won't be too many aboriginal men in the crowd. Have you met Karita, Doc?]_

_[No.]_

_[She has the same body type as Maddy but she appears older. She'll be wearing a hat and she has red hair.]_

### # # # # # # # #

_[Got them.]_

_[Way to go, Doc. Current time is 10:48. We'll cruise above them.]_

_[So, we're looking for the moment in time when Reese left Karita and a mostly bald guy invited her to smell a flower.]_

_[Yup. We'll follow the bald guy.]_

_[Spoiler alert. Reese and Karita are in love.]_

_[Yeah, I'm very happy for him.]_

_[Any permanent damage from the virus?]_

_[No.]_

### # # # # # # # #

_[Reese and Karita are being followed, Winnie.]_

_[Who? Where?]_

_[Way back in the crowd. There's a guy that is tall enough to look over the crowd. He's walking with a short mostly bald guy. They aren't looking at anything around them. They're clearly following them.]_

_[Good eyes, Doc. How long have you been watching them?]_

_[Two or three minutes. When Karita and Reese stopped for a bit, they did too. That's what caught my eye.]_

_[Time is 11:16.]_

### # # # # # # # #

_[Time?]_

_[12:04]_

_[They're getting impatient. They've closed up the gap.]_

_[The flower ruse wouldn't work with Reese. He'd probably be protective if the bald guy approached Karita with him there. They may be thinking that if they get a chance, there'll have only the one.]_

_...._

_[Winnie, Reese has stopped.]_

_[She sniffed the flower.]_

_[The two men have turned around. Bald guy put the flower in his shirt pocket.]_

_[That means it's not dangerous for devils and so it won't be dangerous for angels. That will reassure some important people in Heaven. Now we follow them. I wish I could take a picture when we're invisible.]_

_[You're planning to drone them, right?]_

_[Yeah. If they stop. We're in a little bit of trouble if they go right back to Hell. I doubt very much that we can TiTr to Hell's past.]_

_[I'll memorize their faces. They're somewhat unique.]_

_[Could you sketch their faces?]_

_[I'm not much of an artist. They'd probably look like cartoon characters.]_

### # # # # # # # #

_[Looks like they've settled in for the night. Looks like a boarding house.]_

_[It's three blocks from the flower show. Might be a bed and breakfast.]_

_[I have a drone watching the front door. I'm going to check the windows, Doc. I may be a while.]_

_..._

_[Boarding house for sure. Looks like they're full, probably from the flower show. I saw suitcases in the rooms where the curtains weren't drawn. I didn't see our friends.]_

_[Now what?]_

_[You and I can go back home. I'll know when they leave the boarding house, and if necessary, I can do another TiTr watch. We can probably follow them into present time with that radioactive paste that William invented. I'll ask Reese to join me. He'll want to be involved. Thanks, Doc.]_

_[Let's get our TiTr helmets. This was fun.]_

### # # # # # # # #

Actually, Winnie would not be using any radioactive paste, nor would she involve Reese. Instead of peering through windows of the boarding like she said she had, she had changed into a shoulder demon and had scooted quickly through all the rooms. She found the two devils easily enough and listened in on a bit of their conversation. Their names were Bert and Ernie. They had chosen Karita because she was the only blonde with an aboriginal escort at the show. The two would be easy to follow. They would stay in the boarding house until the news broke about a new virus attacking people in London. They didn't talk about what they would do if no news broke.

Winnie used her portal to travel from Montana to Castle Loch. First things first. She contacted Cassie who was stationed at the edge of Hell to receive messages. She asked her to tell Keely that Operation PPP would have to proceed more slowly until they found out more about the devils who had attacked Reese and Karita. Paula was needed on Earth to help with that. She should report to Winnie at the castle.

Next. She remembered something curious from the scramble to get help to Reese and Karita. Something to do with portals.

....

Galahad had expected her to use the portal to London. He had asked: _Can you use the portal into London, My Queen?_

Why would he expect her to be able to use a military portal? The only portals that she could use were Joe-Joe's and her own in Montana.

After she remembered that Lillian had referred to her management body's manual, it was easy enough to solve that particular mystery. She had been given access to the military forces' portals and they had one in every major city in the world. That would make sense if they had to react to an emergency. That list was very long. The instructions for finding the right portal were easy: Think the command _List portals in England_ , for example. All of those portals would flash in her brain, and she just had to pick the one she wanted.

That didn't help her solve the second mystery. _Why did she have access to military portals?_ Wouldn't that be unusual for a low level manager such as herself?

As Winnie read through the manual, she found other curious functions. She'd have to ask Lillian about them, but not now. First, Paula was going to track Bert and Ernie to their cave in Hell.

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 13

Two days later, Winnie was meeting with Joe-Joe and Lillian in the usual place. "You received my message that the virus that was used to attack Reese and Karita is harmless for angels, right?"

"Yes," Lillian answered. "Arthur examined it closely in his lab and confirmed your conclusion. He said that the changes that were made in the virus were not the work of an advanced virologist. Was your meeting with him awkward?"

"Not for me. Paula lived with the two devils for a couple of days in London and followed them back to their lair. She said that the two are somewhat stupid. Their names are Bert and Ernie. They have stubby horns and worry that if anybody in authority sees them, they will be demoted into the mines. Their plan was to infect a mortal with the virus and that would cause more mortals to be infected. That would lure angels into the area. They then had some cockamamie idea that they could lure an angel into searching for the virus' physical location and that angel would somehow blow up the building and spread the virus throughout the world again. They would get credit for doing this and be promoted."

"Not top drawer," Joe-Joe concluded correctly. "What are you going to do with them? Their viral attack is a violation of the treaty."

"I was thinking of using the Nemeses, but they could hardly be considered impartial. Besides, the devils were not perverts. But Bert and Ernie did give me a solution on how we can solve the uranium problem. It'll also tie in with Operation PPP. On that note, Hell's spaceship ..."

"Stop. I was only interested in ensuring that Reese and Karita could not be attacked again. I don't want to know anything about whatever those operation are or anything to do with Hell's spaceship."

"What? Why not?"

"If somehow a planet's space ship were interfered with in the course of its normal business, and if somehow that interference ended in loss of life or machinery, the Cops of the Cosmos would immediately check if any space ship in the area could provide a first hand witness account."

Joe-Joe amplified. "In reality, they'd investigate to see if that second spaceship had attacked the first. That examination would routinely extend to interviews with the heads of both forces along with their assistants under the truth ray."

"That means that both Joe-Joe and I would be under the truth way. If Heaven had any interference with Hell's Trident.6's space ship currently orbiting Earth with an empty hold being destroyed or damaged with a full hold of something, Heaven would be guilty of high crimes. Whatever was in that poorly armed and defensively vulnerable Trident.6's hold would not be considered important since it would be impossible to prove the purpose of that shipping was warlike."

"I got it."

"Thanks for coming by, Winnie," Joe-Joe closed the meeting.

### # # # # # # # #

The next day, Winnie was engaged in her usual training regimen. Galahad was throwing her around with little resistance offered on her part.

"My Queen, are you unwell?"

"Not sick. Distracted, Galahad."

"Shall we continue another day?"

"Probably best. I'm wasting your time."

"My time with you is never wasted, My Queen."

"Thanks, Galahad."

"You're welcome, My Queen."

"How do I stop you from calling me that? I'm not your queen! I'm not anyone's queen!"

_[Winnie's response might appear more hostile than Galahad's thank you deserved. Galahad certainly seemed surprised.]_

"My orders require me to show you respect in this manner, My Queen."

"I don't need this pressure of being a queen. I have enough already! Stop calling me that!"

_[Narrator interlude: Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed, it seems. You might be wondering what the wrong side is. The left side? The right side? Some historians claim that the Romans believed getting up on the left side of the bed was unlucky as was stepping forward with your left foot or putting your left sandal on first. In fact, anything dealing with the left side of something was downright 'sinister,' a word that in Latin means the left side. I bet that didn't go over too well with the Romans who were left-handed._

_Some people who suggest that the brain has a left side and a right side believe that getting out of the bed on the left side means that you like logic and rational thought. Getting up on that side of the bed would be problematic for right handed people who couldn't think logically. I am not making this up._

_Feng Shui adherents believe that getting up on the left side of bed means that you like health, money and power. If that were true, nobody that I know would be getting up on the other side of the bed._

_Personally, I consider getting up on the left side of the bed as a sign of a good day coming, just like getting up on the right side of the bed is a good sign. Getting up after falling off the foot of the bed and lying face down is usually a sign of a lot of headaches and nausea to come._

_Back to the story. Winnie is acting downright scary. Galahad is in a sticky situation.]_

"I cannot, Ma'am. What pressure might that be?"

"I can't tell you. Who ordered you to address me in that way?"

_[Is Winnie going to spread her bad mood around?]_

"The general, Ma'am."

"Who is the general's superior?"

"That's confidential, Ma'am."

_[Lucky for the general.]_

"So, as far the general is concerned, I'm your queen. Am I his queen too?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"So, as the general's queen, I could order him to order you to stop calling me that way."

"Yes, Ma'am. He might have to take that order higher up and consult. He's very, how should I put this... halocratic. Why don't you cut out the middle man and go directly to the problem?"

"Meaning you. But you won't stop calling me that."

"You haven't ordered me not to."

"I've told you not to."

"That's not considered a military order."

"Stupid halocracy!"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"In theory, if a queen wanted to order a persistent subordinate to stop calling her ...".

"It's called an honorific, Ma'am."

"In theory, if a queen wanted to order a helpful subordinate to stop calling her by her honorific, how would she do that?"

"Ma'am, on another matter, I have the report you wanted on Hell's Trident.6 spaceship currently orbiting Earth. I have an executive summary of that report on this small piece of paper. Would you like to read it?"

"I requested a report?"

"It was more like an order, Ma'am." Galahad pulled a scrap of paper from his left trainer shoe, held it out, and then stood at attention.

Winnie began to read.

...

"I'd read the words on that paper out loud, Ma'am, if I were you."

"Commander Galahad. Under the authority provided to me under subsection 4.1 of the military code of honor, I am hereby ordering you to refrain from addressing me with an honorific when you and I are in a private place. If you must address me in some fashion, use my first name. In public, you will continue to use the honorific _My Queen_."

"Your order is duly noted and will be followed, Winnie."

"That's it? You'll stop?"

"Yes. Heaven's military must obey its orders. The military code demands it. Could I have that paper back?"

Winnie handed it back and Galahad put it into his mouth and began chewing.

"How's that taste, Galahad?"

"Sweaty."

"You said something about a report?"

"Shall we step into your boardroom?"

### # # # # # # # #

Winnie and Galahad were standing on the same side of her boardroom table, looking at a hologram of a rotating space ship. Galahad was speaking.

"Hell's space ships have been constructed in the shape of a trident, which is like a three pronged pitchfork. The propulsion unit is at the very end of the handle here. If it's flying down hill, the ship can reach Warp Drive 1, as your William Shatner would say. At that speed, it takes a trident-class ship about a week to travel from Earth to Lucifus. Our ship takes a day. The trident engine uses a chemical conversion process to produce power as well as water. The water is essential for the ship's crew. Without that water, they'd have to draw on reserves. Those reserves are sufficient for Trident.6's three-man crew, but if they were on a long voyage and lost power, they could die of thirst. I would not consider that as a potential solution, Winnie. They'd be able to ask for help and a passing space ship could tow them to Lucifus."

"Where are the water reserves?"

"Right here at the point where the shaft connects to the three prongs. Also on the shaft are crew quarters, communications office, and medical center. The biggest space is assigned to the oxygen generation units, which are essentially specially designed greenhouses. Trident.6 is an oxygen class ship, which is reasonably common. Other planets have other classes depending on what they need to breathe."

"And Heaven's ships?"

"We use different technology. Essentially, we use standard oxygen and nitrogen air in a compressed form. It requires far less storage space, and crew can carry a pod of compressed air with them if they have to leave this ship in a vacuum or a different breathing environment. One pod supplies enough oxygen for five days of breathing."

"What's next?"

"Look closely right here at the juncture of the shaft and the tridents. This bulge is the command center where the captain, navigator, and medic/cargo-crew will spend their time. It's common for two crewmembers to be awake and on duty while the third sleeps. We don't know if hellish crews follow the standard format. They may all be sleeping. Space ship crews are not recognized on Lucifus as fearless warriors. They are bus drivers, essentially."

"What about the prongs?"

"The three prongs hold weaponry, anti-weaponry, and cargo holds."

"Their weaponry?"

"Torpedoes and laser cannons."

"How effective are they?"

"Like shooting farts at a speeding locomotive."

"Storage holds?"

"Reasonable size but for small cargo only. Their first shipment of retired devils rode in comfort. If Hell decides to ship something like precious metals to Lucifus, that would strain their weight restrictions. Also, with something heavy like metals, they must be loaded carefully. The trident design means that the two outer tridents must be balanced in weight. If not, the ship could fall into a spin. If that happens, the captain will be able to open the outer doors and jettison some weight, but that has to be done carefully. Dumping cargo into empty space where other ships could collide with it is not something that would go unnoticed."

"Heaven has a globe for a ship; Hell has a glorified tuning fork. Am I correct in thinking that a trident shape is somewhat weird?"

"From a strategic military perspective, the whole idea of constructing a space ship in the form of a trident is, frankly, ridiculous. It can only attack in one direction, call it at 12 o'clock. If you wanted to fire a weapon at 6 o'clock you'd have to turn the pitch fork 180 degrees. By the time that you had the ship facing that direction, the ship and its inhabitants would have been space debris if they had been facing anything more dangerous that a ping pong paddle and ball wielded by a four year old toddler."

"How did you know about the minerals?"

"I was listening in on a briefing that you had with members of your team. Some time ago, Lillian advised me that you would face danger if you went to Hell during this operation. The exact words she used were _monstrous danger._ She told me to take the threat seriously. So, I listened in."

"I'm used to Lillian listening in."

"Like Lillian, I know about some general threats that Hell may pose to Heaven. She doesn't know anything about the plans that you'll develop. If I were to sit in on all of your meetings with your team, I might be able to provide more information about the spaceship tactics that you might need to have success. I do not report to Lillian or to Joe-Joe. Temporarily, I report to you."

"Lillian is still watching over me."

"To the extent that she can. She's not listening when you are briefing your team or talking to me."

"I'm sorry I barked at you, Galahad."

"Hardly a bark. It was more like you were clearing your throat."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 14

It's now later that same day, after a more successful martial arts training session. Galahad and Winnie were back in her boardroom. They are sitting next to each other this time so that they can look at any briefing notes that might need looking at. Winnie speaks first.

"I have three operations in the planning stage. The name of the first operation is _Operation Crumpet Land_. It will help with both of the other two operations."

"Why Crumpet Land?"

"Because we'll be working with the crumpets."

"Who are the crumpets?"

"Tiny little devils who believe that Heaven is going to attack Hell and win."

"OK, I guess."

"I'm calling the operation to save Hell's devilettes _Operation PPP_."

"PPP?"

"Operation Pleasure Palace Prostitutes. Keely is in charge because I can't go to Hell."

"You're not planning to create a women's revolution, are you?"

"No. I just want to change Satan's mind about female devils. Here's what we've done so far to support them."

_[You already know this. We'll skip and carry on with what you don't know.]_

"Last week, Keely and I removed about one hundred hornographic cameras from the sewers of SinSin-atti. Cassie was on the edge of Hell and relaying our messages as Keely roamed the sewers. I was here in Heaven and disconnecting them from purgatory.net. Keely would use a stepladder to reach their physical location. _Stealing_ is such a negative word. Let's say that she has stored them safely away for relocation later."

"She did this in the dead of night?"

"No. She was disguised as a lowly laborer and worked openly. I've removed any trace of the existence of the cameras from purgatory.net. She'll reinstall them without connecting them back to the surveillance system when the time is right. That will take some time. Paula, Cassie, Meghan and Keely are trying to establish relationships with the key women in the pleasure palaces. Right now, they're devilettes hiding from Satan's goons and the prostitutes are sheltering them from discovery."

"Is the slow development going to be a problem with the uranium operation?" That's your first priority, right?"

"Yes, because it has the heaviest consequences. I don't have a name for it yet."

"How about _Operation Syrup_?"

"What's the association with uranium?"

"Uranium processing is done by grinding the ore materials into a uniform particle size and then extracting the uranium by chemical leaching. That results in a dry powder of natural uranium called _yellowcake_. The word _pancake_ is also frequently used. Operation Syrup will give you a _sweet_ result."

"Nobody will connect that name to uranium. I like it. That's the operation name now."

"Plus, cooking pancakes for their men is how women like to spend their lives, is it not?"

Winnie stared at Galahad's face. "I can't tell if that's what you think or not."

"That's because I didn't word it so that it was true or not. I asked a question. Questions can't be true or false."

"You're trying to find a way to get around my powers."

"I already know a way."

"Why did you say something so outrageous then?"

"Sometimes, I have a weird sense of humor that some people might not appreciate. You will, when you can relax a bit. What's the status of Operation Syrup?"

"Paula reported that Hell's storage container of processed uranium is filling up. Once it's full, there will be a lot of incentive to ship it off to Lucifus. Our plan has to be in place by the tine the storage room is full."

"And how's that going?"

"The plans are coming together. I was thinking that Satan's plan to send processed uranium to Lucifus may not be all that smart. They need scientists who can convert it into fissile materials. What if they don't have those scientists? They've never had the need for anybody with a nuclear background."

"That's a relief then. We don't have worry so much."

"If we stop the first uranium shipment with a supposed accident, they'll simply mine more of it. In stopping it, we may incur the wrath of the Cops of the Cosmos. We'd never get away with a second accident."

"Can you stop them from mining uranium?"

"Possibly, but there's a better solution. Why should they mine uranium when they could ship out uranium that has already been processed and converted into fissile materials."

"Earth's nuclear warheads?"

"Yes. Earth has a lot of missiles with nuclear warheads. My family has managed to neutralize some of them, but it's very difficult to do. Melissa has to mount a full scale, complicated assault for each country's silos and they're in danger of being interrupted and attacked at any time. Devils could take the fissile materials out of the silos way easier. All they have to do is walk into the silo, grab a handful, and leave. We could encourage Satan to do that. If he shipped those materials to Lucifus, he'd be a hero."

"You're going to help Lucifus become a nuclear power?"

"That's assuming that the Trident.6 makes it to Lucifus. That's where you come in, Galahad."

"Let's say that the Trident.6 doesn't make it to Lucifus. Where do those nuclear fissile materials end up? Floating in space?"

"I haven't figured that part out yet."

### # # # # # # # #

An hour later and on the roof of Castle Loch, Galahad and Winnie were lying on two lounge chairs that were facing the mountain. The sun was shining brightly as Winnieland's sun was programmed to do. A small table held a large bowl in which some frozen goodies were defrosting. A similar but empty bowl was under the table.

"Thanks for keeping me company, Galahad. I'm not used to being alone all the time. Big family, you know."

"I only stayed because you bribed me. I can't stand be around you otherwise. These goodies are wonderful."

"Keep that up and I'll eat them all."

"Sounds like you're feeling better."

"That's the chocolate talking."

"Your granny has a job here in Heaven when the time comes. I'm thinking Head Baker for the command officers' mess."

"She'd probably like that. Where do you afterlive, Galahad? Remote aerie?"

"Military barracks."

"Yeech?"

"It's not too bad. You live with the men you'll die with. That's a military tradition."

"Does Heaven's military have many deaths?"

"Not recently."

"The mess is where you socialize, right?"

"Yes. Plus, eat and drink. The drinking has rules."

"Such as?"

"No drinking on duty, of course. That's a court martial offense. No drinking alone in the barracks. That's the sign of a possible depression. No drinking if you will be on duty within the next twelve hours. All drinking has to be within the ration amount you have in your account. No transferring rations."

"Do all military forces drink?"

"Many do. Heaven does not allow alcohol inside the Pearly Gates for most angels. But, the military is given special permission to bring in liquor because we put our lives on the line. But, we do that drinking privately."

"So, if I wanted to know what the best scotch whiskey in the world was, should I ask a man in the military?"

"Have you been building up to that question?"

"No. I just thought of it. It could be an answer I'm looking for."

"Does your strategy mind always work behind the scenes?"

"Not always, but frequently. I get some of my best ideas when I am not trying to come up with a plan."

"Is this one of your best ideas?"

"Not yet. What about it, Galahad? Can I ask the men in your mess a question?"

"Men a **nd women** are in the mess. Try not to be so disgustingly misogynistic."

Winnie grabbed the bowl, deposited it on her lap, and covered it with her hands. "Care to respond in a different way, goodie banned person?"

"You **are** feeling better. Come this Friday, 7:30, to the Senior Officers' Mess of the Christian Soldiers. Meet the senior officers and ask your question."

"You'll take me there and introduce me?"

"Count on it."

### # # # # # # # #

"Ten-hut!"

The senior officers' mess of the Christian Soldiers went from a noisy cacophony of voices raised in discussion, and glasses being clinked, to a room of absolute quiet when Winnie opened the door and stepped inside. She saw tables with glasses and bottles on them. There was also a bar in front of a large collection of bottles stored on shelves. Some tables had cards and poker chips lying in disarray. The room also had twenty angels standing at rigid attention.

Galahad followed Winnie into the room. "Most of you have not had the opportunity to meet Guinevere in person. She's here to ask for your assistance on a project she's working on. She wants to know what you think is the best liquor that Earth has to offer. But first, she has a duty to perform. _Prepare for inspection_."

That order meant that the men and women who were standing around tables were soon standing in a perfect line, all exactly the same distance apart, eyes staring into the distance in front of them.

_[Go down the line one soldier at a time. Stop in front of each one and ask for his or her name and rank. Look them in the eye and nod when you do this. Ask them your question later. Right now, these angels are waiting for you to perform a duty. It would be a sign of disrespect if you didn't inspect them properly.]_

Winnie knew about lines and being at attention when General Jock had formed the Raging Gardeners into a military unit. She was a corporal at the time. _[Nary, Nary, book #7]_ So, she did as Galahad asked. They referred to her as _Ma'am_ when they responded.

_[Do I say 'Smoke'm if you got'm now?]_

_[That'll work. How'd you know about that?]_

_[I was a corporal in the Saskatchewan army when I was 9.]_ "Smoke'm if you got'm."

That instruction also could be interpreted as _Drink'em if you got'm._

### # # # # # # # #

Outside the mess where festivities were resuming ...

"What was that inspection all about, Galahad?"

"Those officers are the top echelon of the entire corp of Christian Soldiers. They've known each other for decades if not centuries. They talk together about what's happening in their area of responsibility. Nothing ever leaks outside that room. I told them about your operation in Hell with the Duke of Earl. They were impressed. That's why they gave you the respect."

"I saw poker tables."

"Do you play poker?"

"I will soon. May I come back when I know how to play? But, I don't want to do that inspecting thingy again."

"They'll be happy to take your liquor ration."

"I don't have one."

"Bring some other form of currency. You shouldn't use your lie detecting powers to tell when somebody is bluffing."

"That will be difficult. I can't turn it off."

"Too bad. You won't be able to come."

"I have to find a way to turn it off. I'm getting lonely being in a big castle all by myself. Where do you rank in this group, Galahad?"

"Why?"

"Just curious."

"I'm the commander of the special forces. There are three other units in the Christian Soldiers army. Each of them has a commander. We all report to one general."

"Aren't you kind of important to be spending so much time with me?"

"I broke some rules. I'm being punished."

"Let's try that again but this time don't turn your face away. Would you care to explain why somebody as important as you is helping a mere middle manager like me?"

"I believe the officers in this mess are anxious for you to ask your question about the scotch. Would you like to go back in?"

"Might as well. Looks like you're not going to tell me why you spend so much time with me."

"That's very astute of you, My Queen."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 15

Cassie and Paula were in Crumpet Village listening to Bert and Ernie asking each other why their virus hadn't been successful and what they should do to fix the virus. They had heard this conversation before. This time, they were here to steer the two crumpets into another direction that Winnie had identified. Cassie was going to work with Bert and Paula had Ernie. I won't bother indicating who was talking or influencing whom.

"The virus should have worked. All of the tests we've completed since we returned have worked. That virus is live."

"But, the blonde girl didn't get sick."

"We don't know that. She disappeared on us. What if she travelled to a different city and got sick there?"

"We would have heard about that. The virus was designed to spread quickly."

_[You know Bert, perhaps this line of work isn't what we should be doing.]_

You know Bert, perhaps this line of work isn't what we should be doing.

_[I was thinking the same thing.]_

"I was thinking the same thing."

_[Three years of research and we have nothing to show for it.]_

"Three years of research and we have nothing to show for it."

_I think it's the equipment. We need a better lab._

"I think it's the equipment. We need a better lab."

_Yeah, but that would mean relocating to SinSin-atti._

"Yeah, but that would mean relocating to SinSin-atti."

_If the SSS spots us there, we'll be mining the next day._

"If the SSS spots us there, we'll be mining the next day."

_No more virus development, then._

"No more virus development, then."

_We should stay here. No more trips away from Crumpet Village._

"We should stay here. No more trips away from Crumpet Village."

_This is a nice place to spend our afterlives._

"This is a nice place to spend our afterlives."

_But what if any officials from SinSin-atti show up and see us? We'll be doomed._

"But what if any officials from SinSin-atti show up and see us? We'll be doomed."

_We should make them hate those people so they won't tell them where we live._

"We should make them hate those people so they won't tell them where we live."

_The crumpets are hermits. They love isolation. What if they thought that the officials were going to take that away from them?_

"The crumpets are hermits. They love isolation. What if they thought that the officials were going to take that away from them?"

_Why would they think that?_

"Why would they think that?"

_I have to think._

"I have to think."

...

_Disneyland._

"Disneyland?"

_Just look at these guys and their names. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo. It's like living in a Snow White and Seven Dwarves festival._

"Just look at these guys and their names. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo. It's like living in a Snow White and Seven Dwarves festival."

_[Some devil will make a killing profit. Imagine this. Don't think Disneyland. Think Crumpet Land with hotels, bars, and pleasure palaces. Land here is cheap.]_

"Some devil will make a killing profit. Imagine this. Don't think Disneyland. Think Crumpet Land with hotels, bars, and pleasure palaces. Land here is cheap."

"The crumpets would go bonkers," Ernie said.

"Would some devil think of tourist attractions as a form of torture?"

"No, they'll see it as a form of making money. Rat had his store. Somebody is bound to think of lovable looking crumpets putting on performances for tourists. A stage show every noon perhaps."

"Crumpet Land doesn't have any women. That could be a problem for a tourist attraction."

"Nah, there is one. She lives way, way back. Short thing with weight issues. Wears fake pearls all the time. Spinster. She has a thing for Kermit."

"What's her name?"

"Miss Bacon, I believe."

"Reminds me of the bacon cheddar cheese combo."

"What if they put a McDonalds in Crumpet Land?"

"That truly would be the end of the world. We'll be spotted."

"What are we going to do?"

"Go somewhere were they can't find us."

"Where? How?"

"I dunno. My mind has gone blank."

"So has mine."

### # # # # # # # #

"How'd Operation Crumpet Land go?" Keely asked.

"It was easy," Cassie admitted.

"Paula was telling her guy what to say and he'd say it word for word. Same thing with my guy. It's like their head was completely empty."

"Former politicians?" Meghan asked.

"No. They were like puppets. We'd tell them what to say and they said it. I bet we could have told them to jump around and act childish and they'd have done it."

"Puppets on a string," Keely commented. "Like Pinocchio."

"More like hand puppets. You know, like having a sock, putting your hand inside it and pretending that it could talk."

"You know Winnie's tourist town in Hell could be profitable."

"Throw in some good rides and start collecting tormentts?"

"Who said that afterliving in Hell couldn't be fun."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 16

Reese and Karita had been back living in the ship for a week now. They were back to normal, both in terms of their study schedules and the number of time-outs that they took. It was after one of those time-outs on a late April Wednesday that Karita made a confession.

"I had a dream last night," she started. "It was weird. I may have gotten the dream because I'm afraid that I won't be able to have babies. Maddy might have the body that has baby eggs."

"Wouldn't you know because..."

"My mortal body is 12-years old. It may be too early for that to be happening. But that's not what I want to talk about."

Reese exhaled quietly. Whew.

"I could have died from that virus attack. If you hadn't woken up, if you hadn't contacted Winnie, if Winnie hadn't called in the angels ... "

"I know. I was scared too."

"You could have died too."

"Winnie said that we weren't attacked because we're working for Heaven. They chose us because we'd be easy to follow."

"That doesn't change anything. The fact is we were targeted and the devils almost succeeded. I don't want to die yet. I've just started my new life."

"What do you want?"

_[We'll skip this part. You'll know soon enough.]_

### # # # # # # # #

It's still Wednesday. Same people.

"Are you OK with this, Reese?"

"You bet."

"Let's aim for Monday, May 4 here in London. If Maddy comes, the time change might be a problem. We need a decent start time."

"London is six hours ahead of Montana. Do you think she won't come?"

"We aren't exactly friends right now. I'll message her today."

"I'll contact Winnie."

### # # # # # # # #

Wednesday night. Karita and Maddy are messaging.

_So, that's what we're going to do._

_I didn't know that two devils had attacked you._

_I didn't tell you because I didn't know if you'd care._

_We're sisters. Of course, I'd care._

_Reese is good for me, Maddy. I'm good for him._

_I know that now._

_..._

_I had a crush on Reese when we were little. He was our daddy and he was really nice to me. I knew he was six years older, but sometimes I wondered about us. I saw you stealing my daddy from me and that's why I got mad at you._

_Did you still believe that the two of you could get together?_

_No. We're too different. Reese doesn't make decisions quickly enough for me._

_I like how he doesn't make decisions too quickly. He thinks things through first. Will you come?_

_Of course, but I'll have to sneak away if you want to keep this a secret._

_What's good for you?_

_Cowboy and Bean work Saturdays. So long as I'm back here for dinner, this coming Saturday will work._

_Give me a time that you can leave._

_How about 9 am?_

_That's 3 pm here. Winnie is going to set up a portal. You don't have to sling here. Just say 'London.' Do you remember when we were in our mom's palace and we were getting a guided tour?_

### # # # # # # # #

Thursday in Heaven.

"That one hurt," Galahad admitted. He could hardly pretend it hadn't. He was shaking a limp right arm with his left hand, trying to get some blood flow into it. That arm was covered in scales. So was his entire body.

"Did I win one?"

"Yup. I'd be hampered enough that you could descale me. That's the benefit of going after nerve clusters in a devil's body. Their muscles are too strong to weaken with the puny little blows that you can achieve."

"Hey, I just killed you."

"Nothing personal. A devil will consider you puny and won't take you seriously. A single hard blow in the right spot can put him down."

"What's next? Legs? They're easier for teeny weeny me to reach."

"Hips, I think. This arm isn't working yet. Can we take a break?"

"That's a first. I'll be in London on Saturday. It could be dangerous. I might need protection. Will you be healed enough by then to come?"

"Sure. I'd probably follow you invisibly there anyway. London is still on our 'careful' list."

"I need you visible. Would you mind a suggestion on how you will appear?"

"Your wish is my command, My Queen."

"Oh goody. You'll be performing in a ballet. How do you feel about pink tutu's?"

### # # # # # # # #

Friday, on Earth.

Yolanda walked down the cement ramp and paused when she saw the ocean view. He had taken some trees out since she was last here. The view was better now. She turned to her right and rapped on the window of the author's office. She was wearing a black business suit. He might not recognize her.

"Come on in, Yolanda," Wighton said and beckoned her in. "Take a seat."

She pushed a heating pad off a recliner and sat down. "I though you might not recognize me. I've gotten older. So have you."

"Nah. I knew about the dye job. Plus, I knew you were coming. I just finished writing the bit about you coming down the ramp and rapping on the window. I'm working on the novel covering what is happening right now for you back home. Maddy has asked you for the name that her birth mother used when she was in North America."

"That's right. What book number is this?"

"Twenty six. It's May, 2093 where you are living right now."

"Do you have a title for the book yet?"

"No. I'm only half way through the first draft. The title will come soon enough."

"Are you going give me the answer to the question I'm going to ask you or do I have to ask you first?"

"It's SMYTHE with an E."

"Good memory."

"Nah. I had to look it up before I wrote in your appearance here. I can't remember all the little details now of the books I've written. I turned 75 this year. My memory is not what it used to be."

"You look tired."

"Yeah, I am. We're in the middle of Corona Virus pandemic right now. It's March, 2020. My wife and I are locked down. This pandemic is scary."

"I can tell you how it ends."

"You can, but you won't because I'd have to write you out of the book. Telling me that could change the future."

"I'm curious why Maddy wants to know her mother's family name. I'll trade you. You tell me why she wants it and I'll tell you when the pandemic will be over. It will be our little secret."

"Nice try, Yolanda."

"So I just go back to the future and give Maddy the answer, and not get anything from you in return? What if I don't tell her that name? What will you do then?"

"If I write it, you have to tell her."

"No. I feel a sore throat coming on. Or, I could take over your computer you know. You're old and feeble."

"Harsh, but true. As soon as you go, I'll delete everything you wrote."

"Come on, Wighton. Give me something."

"Alright. Granny will be busy soon. Could be this book. Could be the next. Doc is busier now and is happy. Granny doesn't have much to do right now. That's going to end."

"Symthe with an E, you say."

"You got it."

"Will I be happier about whatever Maddy is doing?"

"Yes, I believe you will."

### # # # # # # # #

On Saturday at 3 pm, Karita and Reese stood in front of a Commissioner of Oaths on the fourth floor of a London office building. His office was large enough for eight people if you squeezed them in. The ceremony went something like this.

"Do you, Karita Smythe, currently domiciled in London, promise to fulfill the duties of wife for your husband Reese Wiltz, as described in documents W2A, W2F and W3F of the English Family act?"

"I do."

"Do you, Reese Wiltz, currently domiciled in London, promise to fulfill the duties for your wife Karita Smythe, as described in documents W2A, W2M, and W3M of the English Family act?"

"I do."

"I must say that I've never adjudicated a wedding where the participants were dressed in such a regal manner."

_[Karita Smythe was wearing an exact copy of the former Queen of Scandinavia's wedding dress. Her sister Maddy Smythe, a bridesmaid, wore a regal gown as well, but fashioned in green instead of white. Reese Wiltz, the groom, wore a black tuxedo with a small white feather through his buttonhole. His brother, Fred Wiltz, the best man, was dressed similarly. Also attending the ceremony as the witness to the marriage was Galahad de Paradiso, a Spanish military man who was dressed in a military uniform almost entirely of white. The only sparks of color were the gold rank chevrons on his sleeves and a badge of blue and gold on the tunic over his chest that signified something unknown.]_

"You are now married," the commissioner continued. "Sign the forms in the anteroom outside. Next!"

The ceremony was followed by a celebration in the Wilizy/America with a feast of fish and chips as provided by Winnie (Fred). Galahad brought several bottles of non-alcoholic cheer and Maddy added a feast of Chinese take out food to go with the British fare. Reese contributed a broad and ample collection of chocolate delicacies from a distant WC&D store and Karita added several big barrels of different kinds of ice cream from the same store. Reese and Karita planned to buy two rings when they could afford them.

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 17

Keely used her knowledge of Hell's hornocracy to identify which departments would be familiar enough with the mining of uranium to be able to offer a credible recommendation to Satan on how best to support Lucifus in its quest to become a nuclear power within the Cosmos. She had assumed that key devils in the hornocracy would have to know what Satan was actually up to. That meant the devils would be high ranking and would have Satan's confidence.

The departments that she identified were: (1) the Directorate of Mining, which was responsible for finding, mining and storing uranium; (2) the Directorate of Scientific Laboratory Services which would be responsible for processing the uranium into fissile materials if such processing were going to be done in Hell; (3) the Directorate of Tunnel System Development which would be responsible for bringing the raw uranium or the processed uranium from its storage site to a central location were it could be loaded onto the Lucifus space ship; (4) the Directorate of Hell's Internal Safety, which would be responsible for ensuring that Hell's living environment and its population would not be harmed if something unexpected happened to the raw uranium or the processed uranium; (5) The SSS, which maintained control and security inside Hell and which had Satan's ear.

Keely gave her list to Meghan who met with the custodians of the buildings where those directorates were located. Her instructions were straightforward: Who in the directorate was the most knowledgeable about uranium and nuclear fission? What meetings, if any, had they had with other directorates about obtaining fissile materials outside of Hell? Meghan gave her spies a full week to snoop.

### # # # # # # # #

"Thanks for letting us use your castle boardroom for our meeting," Keely said as Winnie was putting trays of goodies and drinks on the table. With Winnie banned from entering Hell, Keely had been organizing whatever the team had to do in Hell.

"This is so much more comfortable than the Ferris wheel chairs in the amusement park," Paula added her thanks.

Keely started the meeting. "So, you all have the summaries from the custodian spies. You know what I want. What devil gets the idea of taking the nuclear fissile materials out of Earth's missile silos? That devil has to have credibility with Satan and he has to be smart enough to have thought it up on his own."

"Well, the tunnel guy used to drive the tunnel boring machine. He's not all that smart," Cassie started.

Winnie didn't have a copy of the custodian reports. Nor did she know anything about the directorates that Keely had identified. So, she sat at the far end of the boardroom and listened.

...

And listened.

...

And listened.

...

And filled up the goodie tray and drinks.

...

And listened.

...

"I think we're agreed," Kelly started to wind the meeting up. "We will increase our chances if we send subliminal thought messages to all the guys on the list except for the Tunnel guy. That's four devils and four of us. Pick your guy."

"Mining guy," Cassie said.

"I know something about Laboratory Services," Paula volunteered. "I'll take him."

"You should take the SSS, Keely. I'll do the Internal Safety guy." This from Meghan.

"We're done. Start sending mind messages to your assigned devil tomorrow at 9 am SinSin-atti time. Thanks again, Winnie. Tasty goodies."

"This must have been boring for you, Winnie," Paula remarked. "What would you have been doing otherwise?"

"Sunbathing on the roof, I guess."

"Sunbathing! Are you going for the full body tan, Winnie?" Keely asked.

"No. I keep my underwear on."

"That wouldn't be much of a tan," Keely continued.

"I might go for a full body tan," Paula confessed. "But, I've been married so I'm not all that body shy any more."

"I'd do it, but only if no man could accidentally see me."

"I didn't think that you'd tan much with your black skin, Cassie."

"I wouldn't do it for the tan. I'd do it because women should be able to walk around nude like men do. Why shouldn't we? We have the better bodies."

"Amen to that," Keely approved.

"I'd do it even if I might be seen," Meghan shocked. "But, I've been married and I've had a kid. After that, you're not body shy any more."

"If we're going to promote equal rights for women, why shouldn't we have the same right to walk around naked and not be embarrassed about it?" Cassie was still focused on women's right to undress when and where they wanted to.

"I went to a clothing optional beach once when I was on Earth," Keely bragged. "What about you, Winnie? Would you sunbathe in the altogether on the roof of your castle?"

"I have a great idea," Meghan interjected before Winnie could respond with her 'I dunno' answer. Let's have a 'sunbathe in the altogether' party on Winnie's roof if, and only if, we can get Satan to plan to steal all of Earth's nuclear bombs. Hands up if you'll be here."

Four hands shot up. Winnie's hand was half way up. She was going to be here at the castle, but ...

"We're all agreed," Keely summarized. "No bathing suits or underwear allowed. Great idea, Meghan!"

### # # # # # # # #

"You can't be here at the next meeting," Winnie told Galahad after everybody had left.

"How about I stay invisible in the boardroom when they're swimming in the lake? That worked well for me this morning. Did it for you?"

"Yes, for now. They'll be talking about being naked."

"What do I care if they talk about it? I'm an angel. If I wanted to see mortal women without any clothes on, I could do that whenever I wanted. Are you going to join them?"

"I don't know. I don't want you outside if I do, Galahad."

"I promise to stay in the boardroom. But, if I'm going to contribute to the team, I need to be fully aware of everything. I saw that you weren't able to contribute. You looked sad about that."

"It bothered me. Keely has taken over my team."

"It's your plan."

"Planning and managing the execution should be done by the same person. Isn't that how the military works?"

"At the platoon level, yes. At the battalion level, no."

"Would my group be considered a platoon?"

"Yes."

"So, I'm right to be bothered."

"Yes. It's awkward and unusual for you to be out of touch with your platoon when they're in Hell."

"You're here to represent Lillian, right?"

"Yes."

"So, let me go to Hell."

"No."

"But...."

"Lillian's boards signaled a definite threat on your health and safety. She couldn't ignore that and neither can I."

"What are boards?"

"You should ask her but watch what you say to her. She can't hear anything about your operations in Hell."

### # # # # # # # #

"Winnie, I wasn't expecting to see you. Is there something wrong with the castle?"

"No. I have a lot of time on my hands, what with me not being on any operations. I remember you mentioned something about your boards and lights on them some time ago. I thought my holiday time could be more educational if I knew what those boards were."

"How did Reese and Karita's wedding go?"

"How'd you know.... duh. It went fine. I'm very happy for Reese. He's all married now. What a whirlwind romance."

"You look a little down in the mouth."

_[Lillian's use of this idiom was quite natural as it originated in the 1600s. When people are sad, the corners of their mouth turn down. Even back then.]_

"I am a little frustrated and sad."

"Are you missing Arthur?"

"Goodness gracious, no." _[That's not exactly what Winnie said. The words she used were short and expressive.]_

"Are you missing having a boy friend?"

"Yeah, I guess I am. I'm missing having somebody to talk to about my day. I have a wonderful place to stay, but...."

"But, you're lonely. Your skating is much better," Lillian changed the subject. "In a couple of days, I'll put a former world champion figure skater in the rink for you. She'll teach you ballet on skates. Be prepared to fall a lot. You're becoming more aggressive because you are playing hockey. Keep doing that. Start body checking Doc off the puck."

"How do you know about hockey.... duh. Of course you know. Who was your favorite team?"

"Edmonton Oilers when they had Gretzky. He's in Heaven, you know."

"Do you have a lot of former National Hockey League stars in Heaven?"

"Of course. Dedicated athletes almost always have the personality, drive and determination to get into Heaven. Rocket Richard from Montreal was a scary hockey player, but a nice man."

"Huh."

"Gordie Howe had wicked elbows in the rink, but he is considered a sports god in Canada."

"How do you know so much about hockey?"

"Joe-Joe and I had season tickets for the Oilers when they were dominating the league. Why?"

Winnie held up her hand in a stop gesture and her eyes went blank.

...

"You have a baseball league in Heaven. Why don't you also have a hockey league in Heaven? Doc says that hockey is the fastest sport on Earth. He says that it can be very exciting if you let the stars play their game."

Now it was time for Lillian to go, "Huh."

"Why don't you construct a huge hockey arena near downtown Heaven? Put a roof on it so the ice won't melt. Add Earth's gravity. You can't have a game of flying hockey. It's gotta be done on ice with a proper puck. Give the stars their memories and their skills back and let them play the game that they loved. Heaven will love it too. Heaven will become exciting to afterlive in."

"That's a great idea. Thank for popping by."

"About the lights?"

"You don't have security clearance to know anything about that."

"But..."

"There isn't anything else that you wanted to talk about, was there?"

"No. "

"I thought not."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 18

It was the day after the meeting in her boardroom and Winnie was stewing about what had been discussed. More specifically, she was stewing about the plan for the meeting that they'd have after Satan began to take the nuclear fissile materials out of Earth's missile silos. Even more specifically, she was stewing about what the team was planning to do before the meeting, namely lie _in the altogether_ on her roof. This was not something that she was looking forward to. She was working on a plan that would acclimatize herself (so to speak) to the breezes that would flow gently over her never-before-seen nude body. Winnie? Working on a plan? Hard to believe, I know.

Let's set the scene. Winnie was lying on her back on a lounge chair on her castle's roof and she had no clothes on whatsoever. Mind you, she had a blanket covering the front of her body from her toes to her nose. Her strategic plan was to gradually fold the top of the blanket down her body and she'd gradually fold the bottom of the blanket up her body. With this progressive folding, she could tiptoe gently into the altogether state of undress. If everything went well, she'd end up with the blanket covering only her belly button. Taking a deep breath, she folded the top of blanket that was covering her nose so that it now covered her mouth, and of course the rest of her body. When Winnie thought tiptoe, she really did mean it.

Some deep breathes later, she was ready to reveal her feet. She sat up so that she could reach the far end of the blanket and roll it up every so slightly. While Heaven was not a high gravity environment, nevertheless it did have gravity. Heaven had sufficient gravity for the blanket that was covering her chin to fall down to her lap as she sat up. Everything from her face to her lap was now exposed to the gentle breezes.

"ACK!!" Winnie expressed her surprise at this revelation, grabbed the top of the blanket, laid down again, and yanked the blanket up to her eyes. Then she lay there, recovering from the stress, and planning what she'd have to do. Obviously, rolling the blanket up from her toes was not going to work. The transition from 'not in the altogether' to being 'in the altogether' would have to proceed in one direction only. While she lay there, planning, she realized that the lower half of her body was feeling somewhat chilly. Lifting her head she scanned her body. All she could see was blanket. She'd have to sit up again. This time, she grabbed the top of the blanket to hold it in place, sat up, and looked at her lower body.

"ACK!!"

The bottom of the blanket had been pulled up when Winnie had yanked. Her knees were now exposed, and that had been scheduled for much later in the morning. This would not do. She tucked the top of her blanket into her armpits where her arms could hold it in place. Then, she leaned forward to grab the bottom of the blanket. In preparation for throwing the end of the blanket far enough to cover her toes, her arms no longer had a grip on the top of the blanket. Mr. Gravity did his thing again on the top half of the blanket. You may assume that Gravity was a Mr. because almost all of Winnie's body was now uncovered. Dirty old man!

"ACK!!"

This was not working! In her frustration, Winnie rose out of her chaise lounge without thinking, grabbed the top of the blanket and shook it out. It was now one solid, benign looking blanket. At that precise moment, Winnie realized that she was standing in her altogether holding a blanket that was not covering even an inch of her body.

"ACK!!"

As the last sound of her _ACK_ bounced back off the far mountains, Galahad's thought message landed. _An unexpected visitor is on her way to your castle. She'll be there within a minute._

The sound that emerged next was like the sound of a woodpecker that had been pecking a tree and had hit a knot.

"ACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACK....."

_You'll have to be dressed in a certain way._

In other words, being wrapped in a blanket was not going to be acceptable. Not that the blanket option was available to her. In her woodpeckering efforts, Winnie had thrown the blanket into the air and it had drifted in a suddenly strong gust of wind so that it was hanging precipitously from the battlements. Approaching the battlements in her altogether was not a viable option. A visitor could easily see her leaning over the battlement and trying pull the blanket up. This was not a sight that any visitor would forget even if she were female. That was the least of Winnie's worries. Galahad would be with the visitor.

"ACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACK....."

_She'll expect to see you in sandals. Wear a shapeless golden dress, ankle length, no sleeves, in rough cloth. Over that you should wear a dark blue apron tied in the back by a grungy rope. This is medieval wear. It should be well used._

_I can do that._

Indeed, she could. In her panic, Winnie had forgotten that clothes were but a thought away.

_You are her housekeeper. You are single which means that you do not have to cover your hair. Grow your hair long and braid it._

_Done._

_Are you upset? Your mind sounds like you're breathing hard._

_Whatever gave you that idea?_

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 19

"This is your housekeeper, Ma'am."

The visitor nodded her head and began to look around.

_Say 'Ma'am' and curtsy._

Winnie did.

_She may want to see the entire castle. Stay one step behind her wherever she goes. Do not speak to her unless she asks you a question. Always address her as Ma'am._

_Who is she?_

_She's a very important angel._

"That will be all, Galahad. Wait outside."

"Yes, Ma'am."

_Who is she, Galahad?_

_The former owner of this castle. I haven't seen her in this mortal body for a very long time._

_What am I supposed to do?_

_I must wait outside._

_Galahad!_

_Be yourself, Winnie. Follow your instincts._

_That's a big help, Lillian._

_You better get moving._

The very important person was climbing the stairs. Winnie followed one step on the staircase behind her. When the VIP reached the second floor and paused to look at the kitchen and dining room, Winnie looked at her more closely. The VIP was in a mortal body with sandals on her feet. She was wearing a simple, shapeless, but still striking golden dress that reached to her ankles. The top of the dress had cloth straps holding it up. The straight-line bodice began just below her neck and had some embroidery in blue.

Up to the third floor now. Again, the VIP strolled through the floor, peering into the bedrooms. A bathroom received a much lengthier perusal. When she turned around and came out, it looked like she was about to ask Winnie a question, but she went to the stairs and started climbing instead.

The golden dress was covered, in part, by a blue, floor length outer dress. This outerwear was long sleeved but it covered only the VIP's sides. The two sides of the outer dress were pinned together at the throat by a cloth loop that enclosed a rough ruby stone. The ruby looked real.

The fourth floor was completely empty. The idea of using the empty space for gymnastics never happened. Martha had been unavailable. The VIP had blonde hair that reached to her waist in a long braid. At the front of her head, more braided hair kept her locks from covering her eyes. On her head, she wore a blue kerchief. Winnie realized that this meant the VIP was married. There was another clue as well. Her face suggested that she was at least middle aged. She was not a young beauty, but she would have been.

_The VIP reached the battlements, strode to the outer wall, and positioned herself in front of one of the crenels._

### # # # # # # # #

_[Narrator interlude: Medieval castles were built for defensive purposes. As much as possible, the walls were made of stone. A single ground level entrance into the castle were heavily guarded by an iron portcullis, which was a grid-like barrier that allowed the guards inside to see who was coming. The portcullis was lowered by chains in times of battle. They were held in place by vertical groves in the surrounding wall._

_With that entrance guarded heavily, the only other way to get into the castle was by storming the walls. The top of the castle was called the battlements. Picture yourself standing on the top of the castle's flat roof. You're now standing on the battlements._

_Stonewalls were erected on the battlement so that they enclosed the castle's roof. You wouldn't want to be falling off a five-storey castle. These walls were waist high and were called 'parapets.' The parapets provided some limited protection from flying objects like arrows._

_Better protection was provided by rectangular solid stone 'merlons' which sat on top of the parapets in a certain geometrical pattern. These merlons were about 3 feet high and 2 feet wide. They had the right dimensions to allow a guard on the roof to hide behind. On this castle, each side of the battlements was guarded by four merlons._

_The gaps between the merlons were called 'crenels'. These gaps allowed defenders to slip from their protected place behind a merlon, stand in an empty gap (crenel), and shoot at an attacker. Some castles stored boulders on top of the battlements. If an attacker were trying to climb an outer wall, a falling boulder might give him second thoughts.]_

### # # # # # # # #

Back to our story. The VIP was at the western edge of the parapet, staring through a crelon at the mountain view. She hadn't moved in the last fifteen minutes.

Winnie, who was never inclined to blindly follow orders that she didn't agree with, stepped to the crelon next to the visitor and commented, "Beautiful view, isn't it?"

_['That may not have been a good idea,' Lillian warned.]_

"I didn't speak to you. How dare you speak to me!"

_[Told you so.]_

"That's not how we do things these days," Winnie responded truthfully.

_[Correct, but perhaps driving a stick into a hornets' nest might have been a safer thing to do._ ]

The VIP turned to face her presumptuous housekeeper and looked her up and down. She didn't appear to be impressed. "Who are you? You're not the housekeeper. Your hands are too clean. You have fingernails like a lady."

"I'm the owner of this castle. You're welcome to be here for as long as you want. I'd enjoy your company. Personally, I love this view. I come here often to look at the mountain."

_[Good answer.]_

"I will speak with you because you are a lady, albeit a very poor one. I have come unannounced and intruded into your castle. This was my castle. I am standing here looking at the view because I would come up here every evening when my husband was away. He'd always come home at dusk when he could. He'd see me standing here and wave at me. I'd wave back. That was when only two of us lived here. I'd raise his banner on the turret and the villagers on the lakeshore would know that he arrived home safely. I was always lonely when he was away."

"I'm lonely here too."

The VIP turned back to her view. "Loneliness is often the fate of spinsters like you with no wealth and little attractiveness. _[Ouch.]_ I was born in Wales. My father was a mighty chief. My husband came from a family of warriors. My future husband and I were betrothed when I was 7 and he was 9. I was 12 and able to have children when we were married. We lived in this castle for two years. He had many ideas and ambitions. We talked a lot about those. He wasn't like other lords. He listened to me. I think that's why I fell in love with him."

"Did he love you?"

"Always. Even in spite of what people said. But that came after we moved away from here. Camelot was the best two years of our lives."

"Camelot?"

"Yes, Castle Camelot. This castle."

"This is Castle Loch."

"Not back then. This was the first Camelot. Afterwards, Camelot was an idea. There never was another Castle Camelot. I wouldn't allow it."

Winnie turned to face her guest. The guest did the same. "You're talking about King Arthur, aren't you?'"

"Yes."

"And that would make you ...?"

"Queen Guinevere. Don't believe the lies they told about me."

### # # # # # # # #

Winnie and the newly discovered Guinevere had relocated to the boardroom. Guinevere had complained about being tired from standing too long and Winnie had helped her down the stairs, which were steep and rickety in places. Winnie introduced Guinevere to Granny's hot chocolate with marshmallows, which was a big hit.

"What lies did they tell about you?" Winnie reopened the conversation. They were sitting on opposite sides of the table, the better to communicate.

"People in the court told Arthur that I had been unfaithful to him."

"Was that important back then?"

"It was important to me. In my day, gels with rich families were popular. Gels who had some meat on their bones were also sought after. Morality and faithfulness back then was spotty. Knights could take what they wanted from the common people and did so without a second thought. Village women were chattel; noble ladies were possessions that could be shared. I was the target of numerous subtle approaches after we moved from Castle Camelot to a bigger center. I always turned them away before they said anything."

"I heard something about a Lancelot."

"Lancelot was a determined knight. He became very persistent when Arthur was away at battle. He thought that his skills on the battlefield earned him a place in my bed. I turned him away. But he had friends who were among Arthur's enemies. Mordred, Morgana, and Merlin."

"Merlin was an enemy? I thought he was a friend."

"So did Arthur. I knew he was an enemy and tried to warn him. Arthur found that hard to believe since Merlin had helped him become famous with the sword in the stone demonstration. We argued. I told him that his three _friends_ couldn't be trusted. Eventually, I was able to convince him."

"How did you convince him?"

"It doesn't matter. We still died in an ambush. He was trying to protect me at the end. We died in each other's arms."

"Was that romantic?"

"Hardly. My ribs had been crushed and I could scarcely breathe. Arthur's sword arm had been cut off, and he was bleeding to death. We held each other because we were scared. At least that's why I was holding him. We didn't realize that Heaven actually existed."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 20

"What is this drink called again?"

"Hot chocolate. I put shreds of chocolate into the pan of hot milk that you stirred. The white topping is from melting marshmallows. You have to use the little ones, nor the big ones. I saw you gobbling some up."

"They were tasty."

"I used to gorge myself on marshmallows when I was little. My parents had to ration them out to me."

"Chocolate is banned from Heaven. How are you able to get it?"

"It's not banned any longer. Many other foodstuffs that were banned are now available. Those changes were made in the last year."

"It's about time! Heaven became a bunch of fuddy-duddies intent on banning any kind of enjoyment while you worked sixteen-hour days. What kind of Heaven is that?"

"My thoughts exactly."

Guinevere and Winnie were back in the boardroom after a brief foray into the kitchen. Again, they were sitting across the table from each other for better communication. Winnie wanted this so that she could always see Guinevere's face. Guinevere had lied to her.

"What was Heaven like when you first arrived?"

"It was still in the very early stages. Satan had been banished by this time and was actively searching for souls. But he had left some 'friends' behind. Back then, it was very hard to distinguish angels from devils. Arthur was becoming one of the more important angels. I helped him to identify the false angels and he sent them away. The people from the Cosmos agreed to give us distinctive smells so that solved that problem. Arthur formed the Christian Soldiers and used his military knowledge to set up our borders and keep the devils in Hell."

"And what did you do?"

"I served mostly as Arthur's companion at official events. Opening the first heaven-scraper, for example. He made me the patroness of his military. Knights were expected to fight for their queen or lady. Back then, they didn't fight for the honor of their king. They fought for their queen. So the Christian Soldiers became my champions."

"They called you their queen, even though Heaven didn't have kings and queens."

"Yes. Chivalry was still alive back in those days."

"And when you told them to do something, they'd say something like _Yes, My Queen_."

"Exactly like that. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. How did you help Arthur identify the false angels?"

"It doesn't matter. We rid ourselves of them. It didn't take long."

"So, you and Arthur afterlived in marital bliss."

"Yes."

_[Winnie, Ask her if she knows of an angel named Martha.]_

"Do you know of an angel named Martha?"

"She was an instructor for the Christian Soldiers and focused completely on female angels. Back then, women angels were not allowed to sweat. We might faint. Martha refused to accept that."

"Did you have much to do with her?"

"We rarely talked."

"Where is she now?"

"Why are you asking about Martha?"

"She taught me how to use a foil. She called it needlework."

"You know how to use a foil?"

"Yes. I like Martha."

"Martha hasn't been the same since Arthur died."

"Arthur died?"

"Yes, he was ambushed again. Arthur always was too trusting."

"Where was he ambushed? Who ambushed him?"

"He was lured to Hell under false pretenses. He knew that he was trapped. The devils threatened him with something they knew he couldn't bear. He blew himself up instead. That blast destroyed Hell's most senior devils who were there to negotiate with him. Merlin died there too."

"How did you know that Merlin died?"

"Arthur talked with me in code before he died. It was Merlin's plan."

"Arthur's death must have been horrible."

"It was."

"You may not believe this, but I've been in the cavern where the ambush took place."

...

"I believe you. What was it like?"

"The cavern was huge. All the rocks and boulders in the cavern were shiny. No devils want to go near it even now because it's where Hell suffered its most ignominious defeat."

"Why were the rocks shiny?"

"Partly from the type of explosion, partly from the devils who were liquefied."

"Why were you there?"

"I was conducting a Heavenly operation."

"You?"

"Yes."

"Were you successful?"

"If he could talk, the second most important devil in Hell would admit that we were."

"You surprise me."

"I probably surprise a lot of people. I can tell when people and angels are lying."

"I doubt that."

"I'll prove it. Respectfully, Queen Guinevere, you lied to me when you complained about being tired from standing too long on the battlements. You lied again when you said that you didn't know where Martha was. You lied when you told me that you and Arthur had afterlived in marital bliss after the false angels were gone. You avoided answering my question about how you convinced Arthur that his three supposed friends couldn't be trusted. You avoided another question when I asked how you helped Arthur identify the false angels that were left in Heaven. So you see, I can tell when angels are lying."

Silence.

"I don't mind when you lie to me about things that I don't have the right to know. I do mind when you lied to me about Martha. She helped me a lot. If it weren't for Martha, I wouldn't have been successful in Hell. Where is she? Is she alright?"

"When did you find out that you could tell when people were lying?"

"I was six or seven. I was able to hear what people were thinking when I looked at their faces. That gave me headaches and I couldn't stand to be near people. My parents found a way for me to deal with it before it drove me crazy. Now, I don't hear what people are thinking, I just know that they are lying. I can see it in their faces."

"What do they call you?"

"My name is Winnie."

"Respectfully Winnie, you lied to me when you said that you loved the view from your castle's battlements and you came there often to look at the mountains. You lied to me when you said that you were just curious about how the soldiers would address me. You weren't just curious. Everything else you said was true including being lonely here in the castle."

"Holy crap." _[I had to censor what Winnie actually said. Sorry.]_

"Personally, I never found crap to be holy. _[Also censored.]_

"When did you know you could see lies?"

"I was five years old or thereabouts and all of a sudden I could tell if people were lying. I didn't know how or why I had that ability. I was scared."

"Why? Too much information in your head like me?"

"No. If I claimed that I could tell when a person was lying, I'd have been accused of being a witch. They burned witches to the stake back then. How could you prove that you weren't a witch? That's impossible!"

"Did you tell Arthur?"

"Not when we were mortal."

"When you got to Heaven?"

"Yes. Only Arthur knew. We couldn't tell anybody because they'd believe that I was a devil. Arthur made his reputation fighting devils and here he was sleeping in Heaven with one."

"What about later when Heaven would be more understanding?"

"When you live an afterlife for centuries, you can't suddenly tell angels that you have witchcraft skills. Does Heaven know about you?"

"Only a few angels do. I use this ability a lot when I'm on operations. I need to keep it secret."

"I needed to keep mine secret too."

"I understand that now. That explains why you lied and avoided my questions."

_[Ask her if Martha knows that Arthur is dead.]_

"Does Martha know that Arthur is dead?"

"No."

"Would you answer this? What did Hell threaten to do if Arthur didn't cooperate?"

In response, Guinevere rose and walked out of the castle. Galahad was there waiting. Guinevere changed into angelic form and flew sedately away while Galahad soared above her watching for threats.

_[Did I blow it, Lillian?]_

_[I don't know the answer to that question.]_

_[Did you know that she could read lies?]_

_[Yes.]_

_[How did you know that?]_

_[Arthur told me.]_

_[Did he also tell you what forced him to blow himself up?]_

_[No. I figured that out for myself.]_

_[Was today helpful?]_

_[We'll see. You can expect Martha to come by in the next couple of days.]_

_[How do you know that?]_

_[Martha and Guinevere are closer than Guinevere wanted to admit.]_

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 21

"We got'em," Paula called out to Winnie who was in the boardroom getting ready for the meeting. Paula was outside Castle Camelot and close to the lake. Winnie had changed the castle's name and that changed the portal name as well. She didn't explain to the team why she had done that.

"I heard," she yelled back. "That's great."

"We're hitting the water. Are you going to join us?"

"Another time."

"Suit yourself. Let us know when you want to start the meeting."

_[Narrator: Here's a thought. Perhaps, a sign of a strong woman is when she can stand up to peer pressure, even when it's unintended. Winnie didn't think that thought right then. She had other things on her mind. But, she felt right about her decision to skip the skinny-dipping. When she was ready, she would know it. The whole spectacle of her on the roof, flailing around with a blanket, trying to cover herself up when nobody was there was embarrassing to the point that she vowed that she'd never tell anybody about it]._

Winnie was pulling out the last of the goodies that she had brought from Earth and was placing them on several plates.

_I'm turning into Granny with all this entertaining. I'll have to take a trip to the WC &D store in Surrey if I have another meeting here._

_...._

_Why would I go to Surrey?_

Winnie opened the front door and listened to shrieks, laughter, and splashing. "Montana." she said to the air.

### # # # # # # # #

_Winnie! Are you in camp?_

_No Granny, I'm on the fly. I wanted to ask you something. Do you have time?_

_I always have time. That's what being old means._

_You're not old. I met a person who was very old yesterday, and you're not old, believe me._

_That's a relief; I could have sworn I was old._

_Granny, I've been entertaining a lot as part of my job, and I don't have the time to bake. And, I'm not all that good at it. I was wondering..._

_I'd love to. What do you want?_

_A wide variety?_

_Easy. Do you have a small freezer in your fridge, or do you have a big standalone freezer?_

_I could get a big freezer, I guess. Would that make it easier for you?_

_Yeah. If I'm going to make a dozen tarts, I might as well make two dozen or three dozen._

_I'll take a big freezer full, I guess. I'll pay you for the ingredients._

_No, you won't. I'll make two freezers full, and have the second freezer load ready for when you run out._

_I appreciate this, Granny._

_That old person you met, how old?_

_Oh, centuries and centuries old, Granny._

_In other words, you don't know._

_No, I don't._

_I'm curious. Have you been talking with your mother?_

_No. Why?_

_I was whining and complaining about not having anything to do and Yolanda said I should be patient and I'd be busy soon enough. Do you know anything about that?_

_No, Granny. Honest. I didn't know that I was going to ask you about goodies until I saw that my fridge was almost empty._

_Huh._

_I wonder how Mom knew. You should ask her why she said what she said._

_I already did. She said that I wouldn't believe her. She looked rather smug about that. Like the cat that ate the canary._

_The who?_

_It's an old fashioned saying. I told you I was old._

_I like your old sayings. When can I pick the goodies up?_

_Give me two days._

_Good. Perhaps I can find out how Mom knew about you getting busy when I come._

_The Winnie lie detector will be in action?_

_Yup. I'll find out. I'll keep asking her questions until she lies._

### # # # # # # # #

"Fifteen minutes, guys," Winnie called to the swimmers who trooped out of the water in their altogether and towels magically appeared in their hands.

"We'll dry off on your roof," Keely called out. "Where do you want us for the meeting?"

"Boardroom."

### # # # # # # # #

"So, Mining Guy was running as fast as he could, and I was almost shouting into his mind that the first one to present the idea would be promoted."

"Laboratory Guy was not built for running, but he was built for knocking devils down. When we entered a congested tunnel, he closed the gap. I started sending nasty thoughts about Mining Guy and he got close enough to knock him down and stomp on him a lot."

"That meant that Internal Safety Guy could catch up. He was tall and geeky looking. He hurdled the other two and was approaching the Black House when Lab Guy caught him by the throat and threw him down and stomped on him."

"Who won?" Winnie asked.

"It was a three way tie to knock on the Black House door. We didn't go inside."

"Who's in charge of the recovery now after all of this jockeying for position?"

"Mining Guy is responsible for getting devils into the silos, recovering the fissile materials, and storing them safely in a lead-lined container."

"Internal Safety Guy is responsible for moving the fissile materials from Earth to Hell."

"Laboratory Guy will take care of storing the lead container in Hell until it can be shipped back to Lucifus."

"That's the guy we have to focus on now," Winnie said. "One of you has to be on him hard. Here's what we want him to be thinking: He can't let anybody know where he's hiding the box in case they try to take credit for. Send him lots of mistrust. Also, he can't put it somewhere where it could be discovered accidentally. He needs a place that is very remote."

"Where exactly do you want him to hide it, Winnie?" Keely asked.

"Let's put it somewhere close to Crumpet Land. That way, we can keep a close eye on the box and Lab Guy as well. Who wants the job?"

"I'll do it," Paula offered. "I know Lab Guy and I can influence Bert and Ernie too if we need them."

### # # # # # # # #

Sunday, May 10. Winnie was home visiting her family and picking up the boxes of goodies that Granny had made for her. She had told Lillian where she would be in case Martha came by the castle. Yolanda had made her a nice birthday cake and Hank, Granny and Doc had joined in on the song. Right now, she was playing 'twenty questions' with her mom. A sort of birthday gift.

This is a very old game where somebody would say that she was thinking of something and the other people in the game had to guess what it was by asking them questions. In some games, they could only ask twenty questions. The questions might start with something like: _Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?_ Or the person with the secret might say, _I'm thinking of a person._ That would give the twenty question detectives a good starting point.

Winnie's starting point went like this.

"I heard from Granny that you had told her that she'd be busier soon. How'd you know that?"

"I just knew."

"Did somebody tell you?"

"Yes, a person who told me."

"Is it a female?"

"No."

"Is the man older than 50?"

"Yes."

"Is he 51 to 70 years old?"

"No."

"'Is he 71 to 80 years old?"

"Yes."

"Is he 71 to 75 years old?"

"Yes."

"Is he 74 or 75?"

"Yes."

"Is he 75?"

"Yes."

"Is this man a member of the Wilizy family?"

"No."

"Is he a member of the military?"

"No."

_[Narrator: Winnie had to used up eleven question solely to establish that she couldn't guess with this man did for living. She'd have to try a different strategy. Then she remembered that he was 75-years old.]_

"Is this man retired?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to make me go through all the jobs I've already asked and put them in the past tense?"

"I don't know what he did before he retired."

_[Dead end. That prompted a new strategy.]_

"Have I met this man?"

"No."

"Has anybody in the family met this man?"

"Other than me, no."

_[Another strategy was definitely needed. Location. It took three questions for Winnie to establish that the secret man lived in BC. Then, she tried specific towns and cities without success. She broadened the search to BC regions.]_

"Does he live in the Kootenays?"

"No."

"Does he live in the north?"

"No."

Does he live in the area of Surrey and the Fraser Valley?"

"No."

"Does he live on the west coast?"

"Yes."

_[Sadly, Winnie's geographical knowledge of the BC coast did not include East Sooke. This wouldn't have done her any good anyway.]_

"Do you give up?"

"No."

[ _All Winnie knew for sure was that he was 75-years old and lived on the west coast of BC. She thought about trying to determine his physical description but that wouldn't have helped because she had never met him._ ]

"Is he your former lover?"

"Winnie, shame on you for thinking that."

"Sorry. I'm getting somewhat desperate. Can he time travel?"

"No."

"Does he have ESP?"

"No."

"Has he ever met Granny?"

"No."

"Does he know her history?"

"Yes."

_[AHA! Somebody from Granny's past knew enough about her current life to be able to predict that she would become busy.]_

"I got it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

"This has to be your last question then."

"This man is close to Granny's age. Is this man a friend of a friend from Granny's past who will be visiting her soon? That's why she'll be busy."

"No. You lose."

Yolanda smiled the smile of the cat that had eaten the canary. That did not go over well with the lie detection canary.

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 22

Winnie was doing laps inside the hockey rink when she heard the ding of the portal. She wasn't expecting any visitors, and the list of people who could ring that bell was very short. She switched to her feathers and flew up to the castle entrance. She found Martha waiting there.

"Hi, Martha. Long time, no see."

No response.

"I'm living in this castle now. Would you like a tour?"

"No. This castle means nothing to me."

"Would you like to come in and sit for a while? We can talk. We can have some hot chocolate. Guinevere enjoyed it."

"Guinevere has been nagging me to visit you. She won't stop. I have come. I have visited with you. Now I'm going."

Martha turned and began to fly away.

"Will that stop Guinevere from nagging you?" Winnie called out.

Martha continued to fly and then changed her mind. She landed again. "No. It won't stop her. She's like a dog with a bone and I'm the bone. Why did you want me to visit?"

This was the only part of the upcoming conversation that Winnie had been able to plan. "You know how my angelic name is Guinevere, right? So, when the real Guinevere visited me at her old castle, I found out about her mortal life. It made me curious. I wanted to learn more about mortal life and heavenly life back then. Can we go inside and sit? I've been skating for an hour and I'm tired."

"I don't know much." _[Winnie's thoughts: Could be a lie; could be the truth.]_

"But still, anything you do know will be helpful. It would probably get Guinevere off your back."

"I can't stay long." _[Winnie's thoughts: Definite lie,]_

### # # # # # # # #

"Now you know about hot chocolate. Did you like it?"

"Yes." _[Truth.]_

"Let's start with your mortal life. Do you know when or where you were born?"

"I have no memories of my mortal life." _[Truth. But why would Guinevere and Arthur have memories about their mortal enemies and Martha would not have memories? As far as I know, early Heaven did not scrub mortal memories.]_

"Let's skip to early Heaven then. Did you know Arthur and Guinevere?"

"I knew of them." _[Truth.]_

"What did you think of them?"

"Arthur was a great leader. Guinevere was a spoilt Welsh gel who thought she was Heaven's gift to men." _[Truth. That's what she thought of her.]_

"So, you didn't have much to do with her?"

"I had as little contact with her as I could manage. She put on airs. Always showing up at official functions. Never working from what I could see." _[Truth.]_

"Did you spend much time with Arthur?"

"No." _[Big lie.]_

"I bet you liked him. From what I heard, he was very attractive."

"Arthur arranged for me to start training young gels to be fighters. I wouldn't have been able to do that without his support. So, yes, I did like him." _[Truth.]_

"Did he help you a lot with your training program?"

"No. That was my job and I did it the way I wanted to. Young gels needed discipline and I gave them that. Long hours of needlework and gymnastics." _[Truth. But, from your lie, I know that you spent a lot of time with Arthur. How would you have been able to do that if you were training young gels for so much of the day?]_

"Did early Heaven have an active social life? Ballroom dancing in the evenings? Parties? Socializing with other angels? Was early Heaven a lot of fun?"

"No. Back then, we were fighting to protect Heaven against Hell. That's why I was training gels. Arthur was teaching the men how to handle weapons. Very few angels had those skills. We worked long hours. There was no social life." _[She told the truth. So.... That means that there's only one time of the day that she could have been with Arthur. Bedtime. Dare I ask about angelic sex lives back then?]_

_[Lillian: Don't go there, Winnie. That will take you off track. Ask her if Heaven allowed angels to be married.]_

_[I wondered if you'd be here.]_

"Martha, I know that current Heaven discourages any relationships between angels. What was Heaven's position on marriage when it was getting started? Could angels marry?"

"Yes. Arthur and Guinevere were married. One of Arthur's biggest mistakes was when he married her and showed her off to all of Heaven." _[She's telling the truth as she knows it. She really doesn't like Guinevere.]_

"I heard that one of Arthur's biggest mistakes was when he went to Hell and was ambushed. Were you affected by his death?"

"What death? Arthur is not dead. He's on leave and could be back in Heaven any time." _[Oh my! She told the truth. She doesn't know that he's dead. Lillian, did you know that?]_

_[No.]_

"Martha, could I interest you in some more hot chocolate?"

"That would be lovely."

"You can wander around the castle, if you like?"

"Why would I be interested in wandering round Guinevere's old castle?"

### # # # # # # # #

Stir, stir, stir, stir, stir, stir ...

_[I can't believe this.]_

Stir, stir, stir, stir, stir, stir ...

_[It's the only explanation. But that's what I thought with mom and I was wrong.]_

Stir, stir, stir, stir, stir, stir ...

_[I think I know and I don't believe it. This can't be a coincidence.]_

### # # # # # # # #

"I'm glad you liked the hot chocolate. The secret is in the stirring. It's my granny's recipe. I appreciate you answering my questions. I only have a few more. Before we stopped for a break, you said that you weren't interested in wandering around Guinevere's old castle. But this was her castle when she was a mortal. You have no memories of being a mortal. How did you know that I was living in her old castle?"

"I guess she told me when she was nagging me to come here." _[Truth.]_

"That must be it. But, you really don't like her. Right?"

"Yes, I dislike her intensely." _[Truth.]_

"So, when was she nagging at you?"

"Probably a couple of days ago." _[Truth.]_

"But you said that you disliked her intensely. If she were nagging at you, that meant that you were there with her. Why would you be in a place where she could nag at you if you hated her? Where did she nag at you?"

"Her room in the care facility." _[Truth.]_

"If you hated her intensely, why would you even know where she was staying?"

"She asked me to come over." _[Lie.]_

"Where in her room exactly was she nagging at you?"

"I don't remember." _[Lie.]_

"Here's another thing that I found confusing. Guinevere told me of her love for Arthur when they were mortals and how they had died in an ambush. They died painfully. That must have been traumatic for Guinevere. Did she or Arthur ever mention how they died to you?"

"No." _[Lie.]_

"When I was talking to Guinevere, she lied to me when she said that she had a blissful marriage with Arthur. I found this hard to believe, because she certainly loved him. Do you know why Arthur's marriage to Guinevere was not blissful?"

"It wasn't blissful because Guinevere was a terrible person back then. Still is." _[Truth, at least in her view.]_

"I know you believe that, but how do you know that the marriage wasn't blissful when you didn't have anything to do with them?"

"I heard it from angels who would know." _[Lie.]_

"Did Lillian ever tell you that I have the ability to tell when somebody is lying to me?"

"No." _[Truth.]_

"One more question. Don't lie to me. What would Heaven have done if it knew that Arthur had two wives? You and Guinevere? Would that be considered bigamy? Wouldn't that be sinful? How could the three of you stay in Heaven if you were living in sin?"

...

"Martha."

...

"Martha, are you alright?"

...

_[Lillian! Martha is not responsive.]_

_[Coming now.]_

...

"She's alright, Winnie. This is how Martha deals with stress. She hides inside herself."

"Did you know that Guinevere was in there too?"

"Not for a long time. We all thought that Martha just went away and slept a peaceful sleep when she was not responsive. We put it down to old age."

"What about Queen Guinevere?"

"We thought she was dead. Perhaps suicide. She disappeared right after Arthur died."

"And then you found out about multiple personalities?"

"I didn't even conceive that there could be multiple personalities living inside one body until I found out about Maddy and Karita and how they dealt with each other. It was the same way that Martha and Guinevere lived in the same body."

"Is that why you set me up in her old castle?"

"Partly. I tried to get Martha to give you some gymnastics training, but she was in her hiding phase. I also wanted to give you a safe place to live."

"And then Guinevere decided to take control of the body?"

"After I learned about multiple personalities, every time I visited Martha in her care home, I decided to tell her about Guinevere's old castle being in Heaven. Guinevere could hear me. Eventually, she took charge of the body and came to see the castle for herself."

"One persona knew that Arthur was dead and is grieving," Winnie said. "The other persona denied that Arthur was dead. They would have fought bitterly and neither of them could escape the other."

"Brought on by the traumatic event of Guinevere's mortal death?"

"Possible. Maddy and Karita's personality split was brought on by horrible trauma."

"What are you going to do?" Lillian asked. "We can't leave them like this now that we know."

"You're asking me?"

"You're Heaven's expert on multiple personalities."

"I can't ..."

"You'll need to make tough decisions in Heaven in the future, Guinevere. Make this one. I can't. I'm too close to both of them."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 23

The medical operations to help both Guinevere and Martha were complicated. Both of them resided inside a single angelic body. But angel bodies can have several identities. Lillian had two identities that we know of at this time: her Lillian body and her Brunhilda body. Guinevere had an angel identity that was Arthur's wife, the regal queen. Martha had an identity as well - the trainer of angel gels. Physically the identities looked entirely different. But just as two completely different looking identities (Brunhilda and Lillian) can reside inside one angel body, so too did Guinevere and Martha. Remember that Winnie can disguise herself in multiple angel and mortal bodies. What would happen if one of those identities decided to take over her whole body?

Guinevere and Martha's problem was they couldn't agree on who would be visible, or in Maddy and Karita's terms, who would control the body. Martha was the more dominant personality. She won all the arguments. Guinevere was only allowed out when Arthur intervened and demanded her presence for ceremonial events. When Arthur died in Hell, whatever cooperation they might have been able to muster disappeared entirely. Martha went into denial and wouldn't let Guinevere out. Guinevere knew that Arthur was dead, and perhaps in her grief, she had no will to fight on.

If you're wondering, Arthur must have known about them, at least intuitively. He couldn't ask Heaven's scientists for help. Witchcraft would be the first diagnosis. They kept their secret for centuries with Guinevere sleeping away most of her afterlife, much as Karita had done.

Winnie's solution was the same solution as she had requested for Maddy and Karita. Martha was to have an entire angelic body of her own. It would be a new body. The operation to do that was only partly successful. Martha existed in the body, but remained in hiding as she had done for many years. She'd appear physically normal at times, for example to garden, but at other times, she was non-responsive. Memory loss was frequent. In consultation with Joe-Joe and Keely, Lillian decided to send her to Angelion where she could receive better care. No mention would be made of the multiple personalities ever. Martha had made significant contributions to Heaven's development, as had Arthur. Their contributions could not be sullied by how they had dealt with traumatic events.

Winnie decided that Guinevere should have the original body. She thought that Guinevere would be more likely to assume a normal afterlife. Being in a familiar body would help her. She was aware that Arthur was dead. What she needed was time to learn to live alone in her body and gradually adapt to Heaven's afterlife after centuries of sleeping through it.

### # # # # # # # #

"Where am I?" Guinevere asked on opening her eyes and not recognizing the giant empty room. She was in her angel body.

"You're in your Castle Camelot," Winnie replied. She was in her angel body too. "Do you remember what Lillian told you before your operation in the hospital?"

"Yes. Martha would have her own body. I would have mine. We mustn't tell anybody about that."

"Right. This room is on the third floor of Castle Camelot. Other than this bed, it is empty. You can fill it any way you want."

"Galahad?"

"Yes. Tell him what you want and he will arrange it. Do you remember me?"

"Yes. You're the mortal, Winnie. Why are you an angel now? Did you die?"

"Yes, I'm Winnie. I'm still a mortal but I can change into an angel body when I wish. I work for Lillian."

"Did you know that the name Winnie is another form of the name Guinevere? Were you born in Wales?"

"Your memory is intact. This is good. I didn't find out about the Welsh connection until recently. I was born in the Aboriginal Nation."

"Where's that?"

"Canada."

"Where's that?"

"The doctors say that you should have an excellent recovery, but you've been gone for centuries. You'll need to find out what has happened in Heaven and on Earth when you were sleeping. Plus, your body hasn't been used much since Arthur died. You'll need to strengthen it."

"Change back. Show me Winnie."

Winnie did.

Guinevere became mortal too.

"You remembered how to do that. That's good."

"We will have mortal bodies when we are in this castle. It's a mortal castle."

"As you wish."

"As you wish, MY QUEEN. You have to say that."

"That's not going to happen. Remember, I own this castle. You are my guest. I am not your servant. Don't treat me like one."

"What are you then?"

"I am your friend, if you want one."

Guinevere didn't respond. Instead, she lifted the bed covers, swung her feet out and stood up. She was dressed in a white shift. She walked to the closest window (a slit in the stone) and looked out. Sandals appeared on her feet and she began to walk down the staircase.

"We will do everything as mortals. I must strengthen my body."

Winnie said nothing. Perhaps she was wondering what she had gotten herself into by volunteering to help an angel that liked to order people around.

Guinevere walked to the lake, stepped out of her sandals, and lifted the shift off her body. There was nothing under the shift except skin. Alabaster white skin. "I always used to swim in the morning. It's an excellent way to remove all the stickiness."

Guinevere walked into the lake until the water was waist high and turned. "What are you waiting for? If I need your help, you can't save me from there."

Winnie mentally shrugged. Then her clothes disappeared and she walked into the lake in her altogether. It wasn't hard to do at all.

### # # # # # # # #

In the first week of Guinevere's residence in Castle Camelot, a rough routine developed. Guinevere wanted history books to be delivered to the castle. Winnie countered with the fact that there was a portal guarding the castle's entrance. Guinevere suggested that Galahad could do the duty. Winnie informed her that Galahad was the commander of a very important part of the Christian Solders. If he were doing errands for her, he couldn't be training the army how to defend Heaven from Hell.

"Tell me what to do," she said.

"Would you please tell me what to do," Winnie corrected.

"Why do I have to say it that way? I'm the queen."

"There are no kings or queens any more. Angels will respond to requests for help. They won't respond to a person demanding their help. Remember, you don't want to draw attention to yourself. You don't want angels asking questions about an angel who believes that she's a queen."

"Winnie, would you please tell me how I can bring books into the castle?"

"I'd be glad to, Guinevere. This is a computer. I will show you how to send books from Heaven's library to a wall screen that you can read. I will also set up a treadmill in front of your screen so that you can exercise at the same time."

"What language were you speaking? It wasn't all English."

"I'll explain all the words. First I need to install screens and exercise equipment into this room."

### # # # # # # # #

By the end of the week, Guinevere was swimming twice a day, tread-milling for hours in front of a flickering giant wall screen, and learning how to skate. Winnie had her own exercise regimen to follow including martial arts and figure skating, so they lived mostly separate lives but were together for swimming and skating. Guinevere learned how to skate forward while Winnie was skating backward and holding her hands to keep her from falling. That was necessary only in the first week. In the evenings, Guinevere would talk about the history that she had learned and ask questions. Winnie hadn't had a rigorous education in history but managed to answer most questions. Sometimes, they simply talked about their lives. Winnie was 17-years old. Guinevere was something like 700 or 800 years old. She had more to say.

Winnie learned that Guinevere could read two screens simultaneously at the end of that first week. Lillian wasn't surprised to hear of that ability. "She received an advanced angelic body when she arrived in Heaven. She was, after all, Arthur's queen. I can read multiple screens as well and I don't have all the mental powers that she has."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 24

The next week, while Guinevere and Winnie were continuing to learn how to live together, a team of devils was emptying the nuclear materials out of all the missile silos in the former United States. Mining Guy would be guarding it twenty-four hours a day while they were on Earth. This suited Winnie just fine, so Cassie kept reminding him what would happen to him if somebody stole the container. By the end of the week, Mining Guy was slightly paranoid and very tired.

You haven't heard anything recently about Hell's devilettes and their new profession as sex objects. That's because Winnie's team needed lots of time to work with the women to gain their trust and to suggest a way to change their job title. There was also some technology involved.

The last time you heard about them in Chapter 10, you read as follows:

_Winnie's team had to establish themselves, first, as women devils who could be trusted. They also had to coax the women devils into a mindset of resisting what Hell was doing to them. Humor did the trick. Each of the angels had a portfolio of funny pictures that created gales of laughter whenever they had a meeting. The second half of the meeting was when they showed their new friends how to create their own portfolio of funny pictures._

Winnie's plan also took time to develop because Winnie and Keely had to steal about one hundred hornocratic cameras (Chapter 13). Those cameras have now been repositioned into the bedrooms of the Pleasure Palace Prostitutes. Let's see how those cameras benefitted one of a PPP's _Johns_. What you read below was happening this week throughout all of the pleasure palaces in SinSin-atti.

### # # # # # # # #

PPP: "Hey John, you should look at this picture."

John: "Where'd you get this?"

PPP: "I found it taped to my bedroom door. Isn't that you in the picture?"

John: "Who gave this to you?"

PPP: "I have no idea. As I said, it was taped to my door. It was inside an envelope. Nobody else has seen it. At least not yet. That is you in the picture, right? It sure looks like you. You're quite handsome, you know."

John: "It's not me."

PPP: "I'm pretty sure it is. It looks like you're engaged in a sex act."

John: "It's not me."

PPP: "Is that a cow that you're sexing? It's hard to know for sure. Could be a sheep."

John: "Not me."

PPP: "John, I like you. But, I don't know if I can continue to be your PPP if you're sexing other species. It makes me feel inadequate. I mean, look at those udders. How would I compete with those?"

John: "Fake news!"

PPP: "There's nothing fake about those udders. There's nothing fake about what you're doing either. My reputation could be shot if people found out that I couldn't compete with a cow. What if my Madam found out that I was seeing an animal lover? No other John would want me. I'd have to become a miner. Is that what you want? Of course, you'd be a miner too after I showed them these pictures."

John: "What do you want?"

PPP: "I want to continue to see you, John. You're my favorite client."

John: "But?"

PPP: "Your history with farm animals puts me off. Could we just be friends?"

John: "Friends with benefits?"

PPP: "Do you really want to make me angry? Who knows how many people I could show this to? I'm very popular, you know. Powerful devils frequently come by and visit me. How are your mining skills, John?"

John: "Forget the benefits."

PPP: "Done. But I do want to be your friend. Why don't I put you on my daily appointment list? You'll come by every day and we'll talk about your job. For a full hour."

John: "Are you an angel spy? I run an important department, you know."

PPP: "Did you want me to dress up as an angel? Does your history with farm animals extend to sexing angels as well? Is that one of your fantasies, John?"

John: "No, no. You misunderstood. I'd be happy to come by every day. No charge, though. Right?"

PPP: "Are you so poor that you can't afford some personal counseling. Are you spending all of your money on farm animals? I understand that they're expensive to import."

John: "I'm happy to pay you. Plus I'll give you a generous tip."

PPP: "I'm so happy. You tell me about your job, and perhaps I'll help you solve any problems you have."

John: "You're only a devilette! What would you know?"

PPP: "Would you prefer to have a farm animal listening to your problems? Perhaps a goat this time? I could arrange that."

John: "I've heard that devilettes are very smart."

PPP: "We are. You'd be surprised how much I can help you."

John: "You'll give me the picture now, right?"

PPP: "A handsome devil and a comedian too. What a guy."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 25

Winnie's plan (Operation PPP) to eliminate Hell's use of female devils as Pleasure Palace Prostitutes and her plan to prevent nuclear weapons (Operation Syrup) from reaching Lucifus were swinging into high gear this week.

The women devils were now into their second week of talking business with their johns. Many more weeks would be needed to change devil minds about the abilities of the female gender. The PPPs had restricted their business to only four clients a day. They used the other hours to think about the problems they had heard and what kind of advice they could give their johns. They found that discussing their problems with the other PPPs in their brothel to be useful. Women network. Men protect their castle.

Operation Syrup was in its second week too. This plan would be executed soon. The devils had extended their fissile acquisitions to Europe where they found missiles in England, Scotland, France and Germany. Russia was next and they found many silos. It took them the rest of the week to empty those.

Galahad's skills would be necessary in executing the plan to stop uranium exports from reaching Lucifus. Winnie suggested that they attack a particular weakness in the trident shape design and Galahad agreed that could work. However, he would need pictures of Mining Guy's container first. Paula's assistance would also be necessary because her Laboratory Guy would have the lead container by then. This meant that Winnie would have to notify her team that Galahad would be joining them. They already knew Galahad from the operation in Hell when the Duke of Earl had met his just desserts, so Winnie didn't think it was necessary for an actual meeting to introduce him. Another factor in not bringing him in for a physical meeting was the regularity and frequency when she and Guinevere were swimming without suits. Not that he'd look deliberately, but a surprise visit would be cringe-worthy. She could always tell him what hours to avoid, but that would mean that he'd know what she was doing.

Winnie was still confined to Castle Camelot and sticking to her training regimen. The experiment with the figure skating ended prematurely. She enjoyed the hockey better. In addition to timing herself on sprint skating around the rink, she had added endurance skating. When she became bored with that, she worked on hockey skills. Doc met her in the rink once a week and gave her drills that she could practice on her own. She enjoyed shooting the puck at targets in the net. Doc also rigged up a radar gun that she could use if she ever managed to connect properly on her slap shot. Saturdays, Galahad continued to join them. He was getting better too and could stop Doc's slap shots easily now. Galahad had quick reflexes. Doc could still deke him into going for a fake shot. Winnie and Doc went two on one at the end of each practice and Galahad couldn't stop them.

The weekend ending on June 7 had the hardest skill for Winnie to master: knocking Doc of the puck with a strong check into the boards. Doc was bigger and heavier. She couldn't take a run at him because that wasn't allowed. She could take two steps max. Doc kept telling her: get low and burst high into the check. That way she could use her legs to add strength to the check. She did have one thing going for her. Nobody could beat her in a five-lap race.

Guinevere continued her own physical skill development but started to lose interest in the treadmill. She still swam twice a day and was now better than Winnie in the swim across the lake and back challenge. Winnie was better on the long races.

Guinevere came into the rink one time when Doc was there, but didn't remark on his presence. Her skating skills extended to turning sharply now. She wasn't interested in hockey.

Guinevere had finished her review of the high (and low) parts of Earth's history and was now reading in different languages. She had four screens simultaneously on the go.

### # # # # # # # #

Winnie had to wait for Galahad to get up and clear his head, before asking him the question she had decided to ask. Waiting for him to walk around was usually the best strategy for getting an understandable answer. The hand-to-claw combat skills that he was teaching her depended on quick hands and quick feet. Winnie had both. Galahad was bigger than her and was inside an even bigger devil body. But all bodies have nerve clusters, even devil bodies. Winnie knew them all. She was dropping Galahad to the mat on a regular basis.

"I'd like to come to the mess and play some poker. Would that be alright?"

"Friday night is usually the best for that. You can come tomorrow. How will you take away your lie detector skills?"

"I have something in mind. I'd also like to pick up a case of Johnny Walker scotch. When I asked around last time, that was the mess' favorite drink."

"I'm sure we have a spare case. I thought you couldn't drink alcohol."

"This isn't for me. Can we avoid the big foofaraw when I come in?"

"Officers have to stand at attention when you come in, but when you're in, you can tell them to _Carry on, Gentlemen_ and they'll sit down again and try to ignore you."

"I learned that you have been guarding Guinevere. I wondered if you had deserted me."

"A Galahad always protects the queen. It's been that way since Arthur established Camelot."

"You're that old?"

"Thanks a lot. How old do you believe I am?"

"I have no idea. I can't tell an angel's age."

"Open his mouth and peer inside. If he has false teeth, he's old."

"All angels have teeth?"

"No. The ones that would never serve on Earth do not. They have the basic angel body that lives off solar. Guardian angels that have to serve on Earth can eat regular food. You and I have advanced bodies and you know that we have teeth."

"I'm not trying to say that you're super old, Galahad, I only want to know why Heaven gave you Guinevere duty for both of us."

"When Guinevere disappeared from Heaven, they didn't select another Galahad to wait for her return. When she reappeared, they didn't have anybody trained to protect her. Usually Heaven has only have one Guinevere at a time. I asked for double duty."

"What was your angel name before I came along?"

"Igor."

"Funny."

"No, it wasn't that name, I would have remembered being called _Funny_."

"Why were you selected to protect me?"

"Being a queen's protector is a position of honor within the military. There's a competition of sorts."

"What sort?"

"Bobbing for apples."

"OK, don't tell me."

"I won't, thank you."

"So, there was a contest?"

"Yeah. I lost badly."

"This conversation isn't going so well."

"It's going great for me."

"This one you can answer. I noted when you were at the wedding that your dress uniform had a badge on it. Were you wearing that because you are a Galahad?"

"Partly. Every angel under a Galahad's direct command is allowed to wear those colors. Blue and gold are Guinevere's colors. You hadn't seen any angel in dress whites before, so that's why you noticed it."

"I really do not want to be called Queen Guinevere."

"Good luck with that, My Queen."

### # # # # # # # #

The first hour of the Friday night poker evening at the mess had gone well. Winnie had managed to stay relatively even. She brought mini-marshmallows as her betting chips. If she had any left at the end of the night, she'd gobble them up and call it a good night.

To ensure that she wouldn't be tempted to look at the faces around the table, she had placed an eye drop in each eye. These drops were intended to increase the size of her pupils to the point where she couldn't see much past her own hand. The format of the evening was straightforward. Each table of four angels would have half an hour of play before changing tables. Those who had gained money would rotate to their left. Those who had lost money rotated to the right. It wasn't perfect and sometimes table members had to be adjusted, but this way, most of the men would have a turn playing with Ma'am.

It was on the second rotation that a keen eyed Lieutenant Colonel spotted the tears in her eyes. "Ten'hut," he barked and everybody turned into a statue with the exception of Teary-eyes who could barely see where she was walking.

"Ma'am is allergic to the smoke in the room. All smoking is to stop. All lit cigars and cigar ashes are to be deposited outside. I need two fans in here to blow the smoke out of the room. Duty officer, get a medic down her on the run."

...

"Sorry Ma'am," the general said as the medic put drops into her eyes that would return her pupils to the right size.

"That's alright, General. I don't believe this will happen again. Perhaps you should allow the men to smoke. It is a tradition, after all."

_[Sigh. I really do not want to be called Queen Guinevere.]_

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 26

Monday, June 8. Winnie's team was having their final meeting. The meeting was preceded by a swim au naturel. Guinevere saw the girls heading to the lake and joined them. Winnie said that they could call her Guinny and dove in herself.

When it was time for the meeting, Guinny asked if there was anything she could do and Winnie asked her to take care of refreshments. (They had already rehearsed this. Guinevere had wanted to attend the meeting and offering to help was the price she had to pay.) When Guinny sat down at the table, Winnie reassured her team that she had full security clearance and that was all that was needed.

"Last update guys: Where are we on Operation PPP?"

Keely answered. "We'll need way more time. About one quarter of the devils have become accustomed to taking advice. The PPPs are not calling on their colleagues for help very often now. We'll probably pull in another quarter of the devils this week. Some of the devils will never willingly accept a devilette. That's much better than I had anticipated."

"You'll have more time. Operation Syrup has to come first. Is their hold over their johns still working?" Winnie asked.

"Definitely. None of them wants his picture released."

"What missile silos will the Mining Guy hit this week?"

"North Korea and China," Cassie answered. "The North Korean silos are already neutralized which will surprise them, but they will just move onto China. They'll be done by the end of the week."

"How's Mining Guy's mood?"

"He's sure that somebody is watching them and is about to steal his box. He's very tired. I can tip him into a long sleep whenever you want."

"Galahad will be with you Friday. When all the fissile materials have been collected, encourage Mining Guy to stay on Earth to protect the box and then put him to sleep when he's alone. Galahad will switch boxes and you can wake the guy up after that. He'll deliver it to the Internal Security guy who will deliver it to the Laboratory Services guy who will hide the box in Hell and then deliver it to Lucifus' space ship for delivery to Lucifus. All four of you should be applying pressure on your guys to get that ship on its way to Lucifus as quickly as possible. Make them worry about radioactive leakage. Also, the raw uranium is radioactive to a degree and it's sitting out there in the open. The best incentive may be the reward Satan will receive when they deliver their first shipment. They'll share in that reward. Where is Lab Guy going to hide the box, Paula?"

"I looked around Crumpet Land. The tunnel providing them with green bean soup and electricity extends for about a mile and ends at a series of caves. One of them is inhabited by a weird lady that the locals call Miss Bacon because she's overweight and looks like a pig. She spends most of her time in the village with Kermit. I'll get him to stash the box in one of the caves at the end of the line. Nobody else goes there."

"All four of you will be able to see the Crumpets soon and put names to faces if you haven't already done that. Remember, the Crumpets will receive visitors soon."

"Winnie, we could use your presence as one of the hornocrats," Keely stepped in. "The bigger the group, the more realistic it will appear."

"I'm grounded in Heaven," Winnie said. "The four of you can handle it. I have enough liquor for you. I'm told that it is very good. Does anybody see any holes in the plan for that operation? Is there anything that can go wrong?"

Nobody said anything and the meeting broke up with the team heading off to Hell. Guinny said goodbye to them (also rehearsed), nodded at Winnie, and then went to her room. This week, she was researching how mortals interact with each other: Politeness, familiar ways of speaking, slang usage, and all the things that children are supposed to learn when they grow up. The meeting was intended to show her how mortals, and angels interact in a business setting. Guinny had five screens going when Winnie poked her head later that day and said she was going to bed. Guinny finger-waggled at her and turned back to her screens.

### # # # # # # # #

Wednesday. Winnie requested a meeting with Lillian, who scowled at her when she entered her office. "I thought you'd be working on your assignment to introduce Guinevere back into Heaven. I'm sure you're not here for any other reason."

"That assignment is going very well. We have a number of exciting excursions to other parts of Heaven planned. We'll be starting on them Friday."

"Good to know. Was there something else?"

"I'm a little worried about one of the side trips Guinevere is planning to take. I can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen."

"Won't you be with her?"

"No. I don't have permission to go to that part of Heaven. I just know that I should be there."

"Well, if you don't have the clearance, you don't have the clearance."

"Did you ever get a premonition that something was going to happen that would wreck all your plans when you were giving guided trips around Heaven. You know, when you were working as a PR angel?"

"They're called random events. You have to change your plans very quickly and with very little advance notice. How strong is that feeling?"

"Very strong. I was wondering. You know how you've been giving me training in some physical skills."

"This better not be going where I think it's going."

"Well, you said that you had boards that helped you to recognize when bad things were coming."

"You don't have clearance for that. I can't change that."

"I don't want to know about or see those boards. But, I know that I'm way more lethal than I used to be. I can put Galahad on the floor in most of our fights now. I thought he was Heaven's best."

"Is he going easy on you?"

"I don't think so. He's hurting when he gets up."

"Huh."

"What if the boards that you were looking at have changed? Would that affect my security clearances?"

"I've been too busy on other things to keep track of the little PR type operations you have been doing. It's possible that the boards might have changed in the weeks where I've been working on important matters."

"Could you check?"

"No. It's not safe for me to look. You say that you are much more lethal now?"

"Yes."

"Gymnasium 3," Lillian said to nobody in particular.

"OK, I wasn't expecting that drop. I almost swallowed my stomach."

"Pick what body you will fight in. Mortal, angel, or devil.

"Mortal," Winnie chose. "My body."

"Devil," Lillian said. "Twelve feet tall. Show me how lethal you are."

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 27

Friday. Three invisible bodies sat on three visible branches of a big tree that provided a great view of a Chinese valley below during the day. It would have been a great view right now if it weren't pitch black. Fortunately, the three invisibles had night goggles. Not that they did much good.

"Is this the last missile silo, William?" Wolf asked.

"As far as I know. I don't have a map of all of China's missile silos."

"How long have you been watching them?"

"About one hour more than you, Lucas. I had put a sensor alarm in this valley years ago because it had six silos. When I got here, they were finishing off the first silo. Then I called in you guys."

"Hey," Invisible Theo said and sat down on a visible branch. "Sorry, I couldn't get here sooner. Fill me in."

Lucas obliged. "Those big blobs in the valley are taking out nuclear fissile materials out of the missiles in those silos. They're storing it in something in the middle of the valley. Look for the big blob that isn't moving. We think that's a box. Or it could be a person sitting on a box. Wolf brought some radiation detectors."

Wolf took the cue. "I found a lot of radioactivity in this valley. It is highest when they unload the missile and take it over to the blob in the middle. After that, the radioactivity falls way off."

"That's consistent with the material being put into a lead box," William noted. "The big blobs are likely wearing haz-mat suits. That's why they're so blobby."

"Do we have night vision goggles?" Theo asked.

Lucas answered the question. "I brought four, but they're useless from here. They might work if we got closer."

"Who's in charge?" Theo asked.

"Lucas," William answered.

"What's the plan, Lucas? We can't let them have nuclear materials whoever they are. They're stealing it in the dark of the night. That tells us something about their intentions."

"You're right, Theo. But, I'd like to know who is inside those hazmat suits and what weaponry they have first."

"We're going to steal that box, right?" Wolf asked.

"Oh yeah. There's four of us, and there might be six of them. William, will a stray laser beam be dangerous if it strikes that box?"

"Definitely. At the very least it will spew those materials into the air."

"So, no lasers," Lucas advised.

"Leaves us with gravity beams," Theo said.

"We need better information. Theo, shall we take a little fly?"

"Sure. Somebody give me some goggles."

### # # # # # # # #

"We saw four blobs working, one blob sitting on a box of some kind," Theo reported.

"The sitting blob is probably in charge." Lucas added.

"William and I want a better look. We'll use the Geiger counter."

"Go," Lucas agreed.

### # # # # # # # #

"We found slight residual radiation in the missile silos that have been robbed. There's no radiation around the box," Wolf reported.

"There's no radiation around the five blobs either, meaning they're definitely wearing haz-mat suits," William added.

"If they're wearing haz-mat suits, any weaponry that they have will be buried inside the suit."

"Smart thinking, Theo. That's why you're a university student."

"That's why I'm a graduated university student, you mean, Lucas."

"As of when?"

"As of today. That's why I was late."

"We'll celebrate later," Lucas announced. "William, would you be wearing a sling with two gravity beams?"

"We're all wearing the new model now. I took the dual gravity beams out of the old model because we never needed two of them."

"OK, here's the plan. The four guys stealing the materials will likely be more dangerous. I'm guessing enlisted men but trained to fight. Theo, Wolf and I will wait for them to be finished emptying the silos and then we'll chase them away with lasers. Watch your line of sight. Keep your beam away from the box. William, you'll flatten the officer in charge with your gravity beam and keep him on the ground until we return."

"What should we do with the box?" Wolf asked.

"We'll take it to Stanford's lab," William answered. "I have plenty of lead there. We can store it with our other radioactive materials later when we have time to do that safely."

"As soon as they're completely finished with the last silo, we'll attack."

### # # # # # # # #

"Any problems," William asked when the boys returned.

"I've never seen anybody run so fast. They were running before we could shoot at them."

"I wouldn't want to see those guys on a basketball court. They had to be ten feet tall at least."

"The goggles were probably over or under compensating," Lucas explained. "Plus you were moving. They don't work all that well in those situations."

"Did your guy give you any trouble, William?"

"None. He fell asleep after I gravity stunned him off his box."

"Lucas, who do we tell about this?" [ _Theo was thinking ahead. Graduated university students do that, you know. Ahem. I graduated from the University of Calgary if anybody is interested.]_

William answered. "The last time we had a meeting where nuclear weapons were discussed, the family went bonkers. We'll need to tell the executive and Melissa, but we don't say anything about ten feet tall guys in haz-mat suits. Right? If Lucas says that you can't trust these goggles, we don't frighten them. We tell them that they were North Korean soldiers who blamed the Chinese for stealing the nuclear materials and were tying to steal it back. We got here in time to prevent that."

### # # # # # # # #

"Where'd the box go, Galahad?"

"I don't know, Cassie."

"The devils in the hazmat suits cleaned out the last missile. They walked over to here, the guy that was here stood up, another haz-mat suit guy appeared to drop the fissile materials inside the box, and the guy that was here before sat down on the box again. The devils took off on foot and disappeared quickly. Then this guy sitting on the box decided to sleep on the ground. I know he was tired, but not that tired. Besides, that doesn't explain who snuck in when we were watching and stole the box."

"I had the same angle as you did. I saw him tip over onto the ground. When I got here, the box with all the fissile materials was gone. I need that box for Winnie's plan to work."

"Nobody snuck in, Galahad. We'd have seen them. There's enough moonlight."

"That box didn't levitate into the air and fly away all on its own, Cassie."

"We better call, Winnie. Somebody in her family just messed up her operation big time. The Wilizy can make themselves invisible."

### # # # # # # # #

_[William, I need to talk to you. You're in the lab right?]_

_[Hi Winnie. I have something dangerous going on right now. Can it wait?]_

_[Not if you have a box of nuclear fissile materials in your lab.]_

_[I'll come outside.]_

### # # # # # # # #

"It was mostly luck, Winnie. I had put a sensor on one of the missiles and that sensor was disrupted and sent a signal that only I could hear. Wolf, Lucas and Theo were with me when we stopped those hazmat suit guys from stealing the fissile materials. They're extremely dangerous if they're in the wrong hands."

"That's why I brought Captain Paradiso with me. He's a member of the security company that I work for. We had eyes on those guys and were going to prevent them from taking the box to their home base."

"That's why he's in a haz-mat suit?"

Indeed, Galahad was wearing such a suit, but he had the helmet off.

"Yes."

"He's a captain of what?"

"The security company that I work for have teams of experts. Paradiso has experience in high explosives including nuclear materials."

"And you want me to give him the box."

"Yes William, that's what I want you to do."

"I thought you worked in the back office of that security company."

"I do. I help coordinate communications with teams like the captain's. When he said he thought some invisible people had stolen a box of dangerous materials, there was only one person that I could think of who would have those materials."

"I'll keep it safe here in Stanford. I'm going to add it to the materials that Melissa took out of North Korea. You don't have to worry about some criminal getting it."

"What if somebody broke into your lab when you weren't around?"

"They'd have to know a lot of physics."

"How about a physical break-in?"

"In that situation, the lab will go into a complete shut down. The materials will be inside an impenetrable vault."

_[Cassie, are you here?]_

_[Yes.]_

_[Can you break into an impenetrable vault?]_

_[Yes, but I'm not sure what radioactivity would do to me.]_

"Sorry, William. I was thinking. That box that you have. Is it safe? Is there any chance of a radioactivity leak?"

"No, but it's not as safe as the box where I keep our own materials. I was planning to transfer them into my box. Why do you want the materials? What does your company plan to do with them?"

"If I may answer that, Winnie," Galahad interrupted. "We're trying to rid the earth of nuclear materials. Nuclear power is too tempting for dangerous dictators to play with."

"I'm trying to do the same thing. Where would you put the box so that it won't be a temptation?"

"We have an impenetrable vault too." _[Galahad couldn't say that he was planning to put that box in an interplanetary space ship.]_

"I'm planning to research how to use it peacefully by building a nuclear powered spaceship. I'm not going to hide it away, I'm going to use it to help mankind."

"Would you excuse us for a minute or two, William. I need to talk with Winnie."

...

_[Winnie, when an uncivilized planet is able to achieve space travel, that is a very big step in being approved for 'Civilized Planet' status.]_

_[Is that more important than keeping nuclear power away from Lucifus?]_

_[I don't know. I do know that if we don't give the materials to Hell, they'll use their mines to give Lucifus nuclear weapons. We can only stop them once without revealing we have spies in Hell.]_

_[If we let William keep the materials, Earth could reach civilized status earlier. But the Cosmos would have nuclear powered Lucifus to control.]_

_[Tough decision.]_

_[Thanks so much for pointing that out.]_

_[Do what you do best, Winnie.]_

### # # # # # # # #

_[I have an idea.]_

_[There you go. I knew you'd get one.]_

_[Some people may not like this one.]_

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 28

_[Narrator: It's been a week since Winnie faced the question of who should have the fissile materials. In that time, Galahad was able to transfer William's fissile materials from North Korea into the Mining Guy's box and put the box back where it was before. Cassie woke the Mining Guy up and he trotted off to Hell, none the wiser. The box went on its route of minders and then remained hidden near Crumpet Land until Hell had loaded its ship with yellow cake. At that point, Laboratory Guy put the box into a cupboard in the ship's Medical Center near the back of the ship and left quickly. Also on board were the senior devils who would be enjoying their great retirement party in the sky soon. They were led into one of the storage holds. Meghan and Keely were particularly effective in encouraging a hurried departure as they knew which buttons to press on devils who were keen on being promoted and fearful of becoming radioactive messengers of death. They may have exaggerated the threat of radioactivity a bit. Make that a lot. Meanwhile, Paula and Cassie hung around Crumpet Land, watching the inhabitants.]_

### # # # # # # # #

"Please pardon the personal contact," Galahad said.

"I don't mind. It not like I've never been hugged before."

"Have you ever been hugged on the way to a space ship?"

"You got me there. I didn't see the ship on the list of military portals. You can put me down now."

"That's because it's not on the list."

"Is this the boardroom Lillian took me to before?"

"There's only the one, but it can be reconfigured. I've set it up for the two of us. We'll be closer to the viewing screen that way."

"The ship is not on the portal list because access is limited?"

"Yup. Very limited."

"And why do you have access?"

"My Special Forces have to be able to go anywhere, including into space ships. We use the ship to train under weightless conditions. I have to talk with somebody now."

### # # # # # # # #

"I see you brought ice cream!" Winnie said from her comfy chair in front of a blank wall.

Galahad joined her. "Yeah, I thought we might eat this batch rather than wear it."

"Thanks for reminding me what a pitiful wretch I was."

"We've started to move."

"How can you tell?"

"Mini-vibrations. _Screen on_."

"Where's Trident.6?"

" _Screen,_ m _agnify by 10._ The image of Trident.6 is in the center of the screen and will remain there."

"Is that little bit of elongated light the ship?"

"Yeah. Heaven's routine is to follow Hell's ship discretely for a few hours whenever it leaves Earth. We'll stay well back so that we don't change their behavior."

"Is the Cops of the Cosmos ship on the screen too?"

" _Screen, blink the Enterprise.3_."

"I see them. Will they be watching Trident.6 too?"

"Not for long."

### # # # # # # # #

"This is about the place where Trident.6 has stopped before. We'll stop and watch from here. _Screen, magnify by 100._ "

"That's amazing. Can you magnify even more?"

"Yes, but the images get fuzzy. There's too much space dust between us for a sharp image."

"Space dust?"

"Small particles, perhaps a few molecules wide. Space is not empty."

"Captain, Trident.6s engines have stopped."

"Thank you, Shields."

"I thought you were a commander. Who owns the female voice?"

"When I'm on the space ship, I am the captain of that ship. When I'm off the ship, I am the commander of Heaven's Special Forces. Shields is the second in command of the Angelion.52. When we are on a normal trip, she is in charge of the ship's defensive shields. That's how we refer to her."

"Why did she tell you that Trident.6s engines had stopped?"

"Retirement is coming early for the devils on their way to Lucifus. _Screen, magnify by 1000._ "

...

"Proof positive."

"Do you think Satan feels guilty about this?"

"No. Creatures from Lucifus are not built that way. You have to be careful when you're dealing with other species not to give them human traits. Humans are somewhat unique in the Cosmos. Some of you actually care about your neighbors. _Screen, magnify by 100._ "

"Do all species have something in common?"

"Good question. Let me think."

"Captain, Trident.6 is underway. We will maintain current position."

"Fear of death, I suppose."

"Why are we staying here?"

"When the Cops of the Cosmos question Joe-Joe about the explosion of the Trident.6, I expect that he'll want to be able to say that Heaven's ship was nowhere around."

"He wouldn't have told you that directly."

"No, he doesn't know anything about this operation. But a good subordinate knows what his superior wants."

"How much time before your dohickey explodey thing goes boom?"

"My sophisticated micro-detonator doesn't use a timer because we had no control over how long Hell would take to load the ship and crawl off into space. My marvelous invention will become active when the ship's distance from the sun reaches a specific measurement that is still close enough for the Enterprise.3 to detect." _[Enterprise.3 was the ship housing the Cops of the Cosmos.]_

"How does your little gimmick work?"

"You gave me three instructions: (1) Blow up the ship using the ship's vulnerability of spinning out of control. (2) Ensure that nobody will be able to learn that Heaven was involved. (3) Give Trident.6's crew time to escape."

"They shouldn't lose their afterlife because of this. They are only following instructions."

"The Trident.6 was not built to transport the heavy load of minerals that are currently in its holds. If the storage holds are not precisely balanced, the ship will wobble because of the ship's design. It is even more likely to wobble now that one of its storage holds is completely empty while that other two are full of heavy metal."

"I'm with you so far."

"Think of my undetectable engineering marvel as a very small, but sensitive magnet inside the box. As the ship wobbles, that magnet will slide and it will close a certain circuit. That circuit will activate an electronic field that will confuse Trident.6's navigational controls. All of this will happen while the ship is within range of the sensors in the Enterprise.3."

"You're going to confuse the controls that keep the ship level?"

"Exactly. That circuit will send false information to the crew on how level the ship is. Whatever the crew does, this circuit will ensure that it's the wrong thing. The wobbles will become more extreme."

"Is it wobbling now?"

_"Magnify by 1000._ See for yourself."

"Looks like a 45 degree arc."

_"Magnify by 100._ It won't be long now."

"How will your dohickey marvel of engineering set off the explodey part?"

"A full rotation of the ship will activate a detonator that will explode the nuclear fissiles. Since all of my ingenious inventions will be blown to smithereens, it will be easy to conclude that shipping so much nuclear materials plus radioactive uranium in a ship that was crewed by bus drivers was insane."

"The crew?"

"All space ships have escape pods. If that crew isn't in an escape pod by the time that ship makes a complete rotation, they'll deserve to die."

"Captain, I'm closing all vision ports in preparation for instability."

"I've briefed Shields on what to expect. If Joe-Joe asks about a nuclear explosion in space, he will say that the Amgelicon.52 was on a training mission that was far enough away from the explosion that the ship was not harmed."

...

"That was it. That little bump?"

"I had to make sure that Trident.6 was far enough away so that no radiation would reach Earth. Operation Syrup was successful. Congratulation, Winnie."

"It was a little _sticky_ there for a while," she replied.

"Captain, we're returning to base as per our scheduled itinerary."

"Thank you, Shields. Take your time. We have a picnic to enjoy."

" _Sticky_ was a pun on _syrup_ ," she added when Galahad didn't groan.

"I didn't say anything because I thought you'd be ashamed of that pun."

"Thanks for taking me on a date."

"This was NOT a date."

"You picked me up at my door, you hugged me, you took me to an exciting show, and you fed me ice cream and goodies. How is this not a date?"

"Dates do not end in court martials if things go wrong, My Queen."

"I was teasing you."

...

"Does that sour look mean that a good night kiss is out of the question now?"

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 29

Joe-Joe and Lillian were meeting in Lillian's office. It was Monday and they had heard nothing from the Enterprise.3. They had been expecting Harry to call them to a meeting on Saturday or Sunday at the latest.

"Anything from Winnie?" Joe-Joe asked.

"Nothing."

"Not even to gloat a little about the fight she had with you?"

"Winnie doesn't gloat. Galahad taught her something unconventional that takes advantage of her body. I have never seen anybody that quick before. She was on me and I was down before I could take a second breath."

"She worked hard. That skating probably made her quicker."

"Hockey for aggression."

"Did you give her clearance to go to Hell?"

"Yes. The boards had described the danger as _monstrous_. I believe she can handle that now. Anything from Galahad?"

"No. Shields messaged me that they had witnessed an explosion in space, but the ship was unharmed. I ordered her to notify Enterprise.3. I haven't heard anything since. Our strategy remains the same?"

"Yes, deny any knowledge or involvement in that explosion under the truth ray."

"Hell will argue that Heaven and Angelion are the only ones with knowledge of nuclear fission that could have attacked their ship."

"We counter with the possibility of another planet wanting revenge on Lucifus. They aren't exactly friends with the most powerful planets in the Cosmos."

"We can't bring up anything about Hell's mining operations."

"We don't have angel spies in Hell, so how would we know?"

"Hell can't prove anything, so they'll probably write off the ship and continue with the mining. They'll use smaller ships to transport the uranium."

"We've bought ourselves some time."

"Any chance that Winnie...?"

"I have no idea what she's doing right now. But she does know our situation."

### # # # # # # # #

Winnie was meeting with her team in the castle's boardroom. Since Galahad would be attending the meeting, they had decided to forego their swim. Cassie was quick to point out that she wasn't changing her routine because she was reluctant to skinny dip in front of him. She was doing it because he might feel awkward. Everybody said that they felt the same. Guinny was also at the meeting and had offered to keep the refreshments coming.

Winnie asked Galahad to explain how he had blown the ship up. Galahad was reluctant, but Winnie pointed out that the crew needed to know the capabilities of Heaven's Special Forces and he made it short and sweet.

The next phase of Operation Crumpet Land was scheduled to begin that afternoon with Meghan becoming a crumpet. She would report back to Winnie when they had accepted her into the group.

### # # # # # # # #

"Would you show me how to make those brownies?" Guinny asked as she and Winnie were doing a quick wash and dry of the meeting's utensils and cutlery. This was something that Winnie expected her to do since she was living in the castle and why should she get stuck with all the chores? Guinny had dropped into her haughty mood and Winnie had given her the glare. The glare had won.

"I don't know how to bake, Guinny. My granny made all of these goodies."

"What is a granny?"

"Granny is my mother's mother. Yolanda is my mother. Granny is my grandmother. I call her Granny."

"Where does she live?"

"In Montana with most of my family. I've shown you pictures of the cadet camp."

"Is that a long way from here?"

"Not by portal. Why?"

"If I don't know something about mortals, aren't I supposed to find out? That's what you said."

"You want to find out by asking Granny?"

"Wouldn't it be like going to the library and downfalling a book by an expert?"

"Downloading a book. Granny is an expert goodie maker. But, you'd be interacting with a mortal and that mortal can't know that you're an angel or that Heaven exists."

"I know. Arthur wrote those rules."

"Can you pretend to be a mortal?"

"If I can't, I can always kill her."

Winnie looked up at that and saw Guinny's blank stare. "It's getting hard to read your face. Don't even joke about that."

"Why not?"

"Granny has to be in her 80s."

"That doesn't mean anything to me. What's the average age when a mortal dies?"

"With skin cancer the way it is, people expect to live to their 50s or 60s."

"What's skin ...?"

"Look it up. You should learn about all the possible diseases that mortals face. Illness and injury are big deal for mortals because our lives are so short compared to yours."

"I will. What about the brownies?"

"I'll take you down to Montana and introduce you. I have a Wilizy plane that I've hidden that we can use to get to the camp. We can't just appear there without an explanation of how we got to the camp. You should pretend to be about the same age as Granny. She'll make friends with you quicker that way. You'll need mortal clothes that are similar to what Granny wears. We can stay the afternoon and into the evening if you want. We can have a meal in the cadet mess hall. After that, we have to come back to Heaven. I have operations on the go. Do you need help selecting a body?"

"Lillian has eyes in the camp. I'll use those if I need help."

"Now I know how a mother robin feels when her chick is ready to leave the nest."

"Sometimes you say the most curious things, Winnie. Are all mortals like you?"

"You're going to find out. My mother, Yolanda, will be trying to find out where I work, what I do, if I have any boyfriends, and what my plans are for marriage and children. I will be with her so that she can't ask you those question. She looks nice, but you can't trust her."

"Do mortal girls always take after their mothers?"

"Sometimes.... Hey, watch that. I'm nothing like my mother."

"Is this spoon clean enough yet, Mom?"

"Who taught you to be sarcastic?"

### # # # # # # # #

"Oh my goodness, Winnie. She's like the younger sister that I never had."

"I look two years younger than you and my clothes are different colors," Guinny said proudly. "Plus, I have white skin."

"Are you sure we're not related? We have the same height, same face, and same hair. Where do you live?"

"When I'm not working with Winnie, my home is in Wales."

"Do you speak Welsh?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any children?"

"No. Winnie is like my ... niece, second cousin thrice removed, aunt? I get confused about those things."

"Everybody does. Are you married?"

"Yes. My husband is dead."

"And you want to learn how to bake goodies?"

"Yes please and I will wash all of the cutlery and china," Guinny said and winked at Winnie. "I know how to do that extremely well."

"Let's start then. Winnie, why are you hovering around here? Get lost. Your mom will want to interrogate you."

...

"Is that how you get Winnie to disappear? To tell her to get lost?"

"She seemed very protective."

"It's not necessary for her to protect me. If somebody ambushes me, I'll just kill him."

"I love a woman with a sense of humor!"

### # # # # # # # #

"But Guinny, we had agreed that you would come back with me tonight."

"I've decided to take a holiday."

"But, you didn't bring any change of clothes in your suitcase which you left back in the closet at home and that's why you can't stay here."

"Granny has offered to lend me some of her clothes. We are the same size, after all."

"Granny, this is very kind of you but Guinny can snore very loudly. You may not be able to sleep."

A stare and a glare competed. This time Guinny had the winning glare and Winnie turned away. You can never be too old to behave like a teenager.

"I've lived with Doc. I can sleep anywhere."

"But Guinny, you..."

"Winnie. Get lost!"

...

"That worked!"

"I've never seen her like this. Let's have a visit with Yolanda. She frets a lot about me. She's quite the worrywart. I'll be able to tell her that I've become very busy."

"I know what a worry is. What's a wart?"

" _Worrywart_ is an expression used to describe a person who worries too much. Do you have expressions in Wales?"

"We call a dumbass a fopdoodle. Is that an expression?"

"It certainly is. I love old sayings."

"A mosquito-buggerer is somebody who will have sex with anybody."

"Wait a minute, I'm going to record these."

...

"A scubberlotcher is a lazy oaf; a muckspout is a person who swears a lot; a bedswerver is an adulterer; a bobolyne is a fool; a dalcop is somebody that is particularly stupid; and a gnashgab is somebody who always complains."

"Wonderful."

"And there are lots of expressions that use vulgarities that I don't hear these days. People don't swear where I'm living now."

"Like what vulgarities?'

"Well, starting with the parts of the male body, we have...."

### # # # # # # # #

The room was a sterile rectangular box. A simple meeting table sat in the middle of the box. A speaker nestled inside a white box sat at the end of the table. On one side of the table, two angels sat in comfortable chairs. The table surface in front of them was bare. Behind them, there was an exit/entrance door that was currently locked so that they could not leave. Opposite them, there was an empty chair with an entrance/exit door that was currently unlocked. As they watched, the door opened and a large clear vat of water resting on four wheels trundled in. In the vat, a dolphin was floating upright. His snout was grasping a joystick, which he was maneuvering to push that vat up to the table. A collection of wires ran from his head to a speaker attached to the vat.

"It's good to see you, Harry," Brunhilda said.

Technology is wonderful, these days," the dolphin replied. "How do you manage standing upright for long periods, Brunhilda?"

"Would you prefer to meet in the pool?"

"I'll be fine here."

"I have to assure you Harry," Brunhilda started, "that Neither Joe-Joe nor I participated in or were aware of any plan to..."

"Relax," Harry said. "I've turned off all the listening and recording devices in this room. This is an informal meeting between the three of us. It never happened."

"Got it."

"We picked up the signs of a nuclear explosion on Friday night just outside the solar system. The captain of your Angelion.52 notified us that her sensors had tripped as well, but we were already aware. Enterprise.3 arrived at the explosion site to find bits and pieces of Hell's Trident.6 floating in a giant radioactive bubble."

"Oh, my goodness," Brunhilda fabricated surprise. Joe-Joe was too straight arrow to deceive that way. "Nuclear? You have to be kidding me. Where'd they get that capability? This is horrible!"

_[Watch you don't overact. Harry is no fool.]_

"Frankly, the finger of suspicion was going to point at you. I contacted Satan and told him that a nuclear explosion had destroyed his space ship and he sent up Charlie Ponzie. Charlie immediately accused Heaven of being the source of the attack since nobody else in this part of space had nuclear capability. He was quite strident about his trident."

_[Yes, dolphins enjoy word plays.]_

"I get the impression, Harry, that you aren't taking those charges too seriously."

"You're right, Joe-Joe. I'm not concerned now. I didn't see why you would nuke them but kept my opinions to myself. I suggested to Charlie that I would call an emergency meeting in which he could lodge his charges that Heaven had committed a war-like offense. Meantime, I would investigate the site. The Enterprise.3 has up-to-date sensors and we cannot be harmed by nuclear waste floating around us. I gave him the choice of sitting in the meeting room or returning to Hell via the portal. He chose to return to Hell."

"I don't know what to say, Harry."

_[Joe-Joe wasn't lying. He really did not know what to say after Harry had confessed to his lack of concern. This allowed him to appear convincingly ignorant.]_

"Our sensors picked up signals of a very primitive nuclear explosion. Nobody these days would use that technology because of its danger to the user. Our sensors also picked up an escape pod at the extremity of the blast zone. Inside were three devils. We wrapped them up, brought them aboard, and gave them a complete health scan. Apart from some radiation burns that were treatable, they will survive. Since I had not called a meeting yet, it was entirely fitting for members of my staff to question these three devils. If it appeared that they could corroborate Charlie's accusation, I would interrogate them later as part of the hearing I would call into your warlike attack. My staff said that the independent statements of each of three devils were very much the same."

"What did they say?" Brunhilda asked.

"To boil it down: The three devils were the crew of the Trident.6 which was carrying yellow powder to Lucifus. They were also carrying a heavily sealed box with a symbol of nuclear poison on its outside. The ship couldn't handle the weight of all of uranium. It started to wobble and then began to swing wildly. The three devils stuffed themselves into a single escape pod and launched it at least a minute before the explosion. They didn't know why the ship exploded in such a fashion. They did know that the ship would fall apart from all of the wild movements. They didn't know enough to turn on the emergency beacon on the escape pod. They didn't know enough to use three pods. They were almost out of oxygen because of their ignorance."

"Wow," Joe-Joe explained truthfully.

"I put them under the truth beam and investigated further. Here are my findings. Hell now has an active mining program in place where they use modified devils to go into tiny tunnels and mine metals. The three of them didn't know what these devils were mining or how, but they said all of Hell's less successful devils were scared of being classified as miners. They described the yellow powder in enough detail for me to ascertain that it was uranium yellowcake."

"Is that capable of spontaneous combustion," Brunhilda asked. _[She truly didn't know. She left military matter to Joe-Joe.]_

"Spontaneous, no. But if that nuclear storage box was broken open by the gyrations of the Trident.6, and if there were nuclear fissile materials inside it, then conceivably the situation was right for an explosion that would ignite all of that yellowcake."

"Hell blew up its own ship?"

"That was my conclusion. I brought Ponzi up for a formal inquiry. I didn't let him make the accusation against Heaven. Instead, I put him under the truth ray and started the investigation with a question about Hell's new mining program. Satan had kept him in the dark on the details, but he knew enough from a pan-pagan announcement what Hell was doing. I imposed a number of sanctions and punishments and sent him back to Hell before you arrived. The three devils piloting the ship asked for sanctuary since they believed that they would be executed if they were returned to Hell. I'm trying to find an interested planet."

"Are you preventing Hell from conducting further uranium mining and exporting it to Lucifus?" Brunhilda asked.

"I can't. What Satan does inside the bowels of Earth is his business. I can't stop him. If he choses to export some mined metals, I can't stop him. But, I can make it more difficult."

"How?"

"He misused the portal I set up for him to transfer devils into retirement. From now on, he'll have no portal, so loading and unloading will become more difficult. Staff of the Enterprise.3 will check all imports and exports. The Enterprise.3 will follow any Lucifus ships carrying nuclear materials to the home planet to ensure that they're not trading with another planet. Also, Satan must report all mining devils as non-revenue generating devils. The grants that Hell gets from the Cosmos will be lower from now on."

"That won't stop Satan."

"I realize that. I need to know what Satan is doing. You used to have angelic spies inside the hornocracy. I suspected that you had other resources too."

"We have no angels operating inside Hell now. That was part of our agreement."

"Can you put some back in?"

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 30

The following is a Winnie production.

Heavenly Cast (in order of appearance):

Paula plays Fifi, the trollop.

Winnie is type cast as the bossy person.

Cassie has the role of surveyor.

Keely enjoys herself as Fredericko, the photographer.

Meghan had a non-speaking part and was part of the crumpet crowd.

For you animal lovers, Animal will not be injured during this production. Rowlf the dog will try to escape into a competitor's comic strip, but he will nap instead.

Quiet on the set _:_ **Lights, Camera, Action.**

### # # # # # # # #

The walk up the mountain trail from AtroCity was long enough that all of crumpets were at the edge of their caves watching five devils as they entered the village.

First to come into the village was a devil wearing a tight red skirt, a pink blouse barely covering fake boobs, and hooves ending in high heel prosthetics. Her ankles wobbled as she walked up the rock-strewn trail. Other parts of her wobbled too.

The one in charge was wearing scales that represented a gray business suit with a tie. He wore a rucksack on his back that clinked. _[The rucksack, not the back.]_ He was short for a devil, but long on bossiness. Obviously, he was a hornocrat from SinSin-atti. That meant that the others were too.

One devil carried surveying equipment, which consisted of a tripod with a sort of camera on the top. The boss man told him, "We may have to widen this path. I want measurements on how much of it we can blast. Leave the caves alone. Tourists will want to see the crumpets first."

"FiFi, go up the hill and see if there's space for a pleasure palace up there."

FiFi wobbled up the hill. She had to lean into the incline so that meant her butt was quite prominently displayed. The crumpets watched her progress intently.

"Fredericko, we need a picture of the cutest crumpet to put up on our publicity materials. Take pictures of all of them."

Fredericko was wearing a black beret, pink jacket, black leather pants, and boots with high heels. His didn't wobble. He began taking shots of the caves and the inhabitants. "Smile, dahling," he'd say to each crumpet.

The boss turned in place and began scanning the mountains with a large pair of binoculars. Every now and then, he'd let the 'nocs hang by the strap around his neck, pull out a binder, and make notes inside. A label on the front of the binder said, _Crumpet Land: Afterlive Your Fantasy._

FiFi yelled down from the crest of the hill that she had reached, "There's space here for a six room brothel. You'll need to do some blasting. If we get busier than you expect, we can expand it to twelve rooms. We can handle several hundred tourists a day."

"Boss," Fredericko called. "The green guy and the piggy girl friend make a nice couple."

"Try and get a picture of them kissing," the boss yelled back.

"Oh Kermit, I like that idea," Miss Bacon said.

"Take pictures of the really short ones too. We'll put them in the stage show."

"OK, Boss. Alright you crumpets, who wants to be famous?"

Nobody responded.

Fredericko took pictures anyway.

### # # # # # # # #

The boss had called all of his devils back to the center of the village and they were standing in front of a wall of caves. Each cave on that mountainside had one head listening hard. Kermit's cave had two heads listening. Miss Bacon was trying to find Kermit's ear so that she could nibble on it. This proved to be difficult to do because Kermit didn't have any ears. Bert and Ernie's cave was at ground level. They were listening intently. They had ears.

The boss continued to describe his plans for Crumpet Land. "We need an adventure ride. If there were a reservoir of green bean soup, we could do a green bean soup slide down the mountainside ending with a big splash into the reservoir. Everybody loves those."

"I saw a green lake, Boss."

"We'll build cave condos around that lake. Check it out later, Fifi. What does this village have for booze?" he asked nobody in particular.

The surveyor was an obvious fan of booze. "All of these villages have stills and produce an amateur beer. Green bean soup ferments quickly."

"I have a contract with Johnny Walker to send us eight crates of their scotch each week for our bars." The boss man lowered his rucksack, pulled out the source of the clinkiness, opened three bottles of Johnny Walker and passed them to his crew. He himself did not take a bottle.

The city devils did drink and made various expressions of contentment and enjoyment and put partially full bottles on the ground near them. Two of them ended up on the path in front of Bert and Ernie's cave. One ended up in Rowlf the Dog's paws. All three decided that a taste test was in order. All rolled their eyes and took another swig. Rowlf chugged the contents of his bottle. The alcohol must have hit him immediately because he curled up and went to sleep, his paws twitching as if he were dreaming about chasing a rascally wabbit named Bugs.

Boss continued. "We'll have to find those stills and destroy them. We can't have the crumpets undercutting the sales of our booze."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

That sound came from high on the wall above the meeting. The tourist devils looked up. The crumpets didn't have to. They knew the sound came from the owner of the local still. He was jumping out of his cave with the obvious intention of dealing a crushing end to the boss' afterlife. Fortunately for the boss, crumpets are small and fluffy. The owner of the village's green bean stills bounced off the boss, landed on both feet, set himself up in a martial arts stance, and said, "Stay away from my still!" He began trying to hit the boss (Winnie) with a wide flat object.

Seeing potential danger in front of her, Winnie's body acted spontaneously. One foot crushed the crumpet's foot and a clenched fist found the nerve cluster in the crumpet's armpit. That was the pit of the arm that held the weapon. The arm jerked, the wide flat object flew into the air, and Winnie's left foot punted the crumpet out of the village. Nobody in this production had checked to see if the crumpets had sex organs. If they did, this guy would be singing soprano in the new Crumpet Choir, shows at 7 and 9 pm daily.

Winnie caught the weapon before it fell to the ground and looked at it. "Looks yummy," she said and took a nibble. "Chocolate chip," she announced. "He tried to kill me with a chocolate chip cookie," she marveled. _[Fear not dear reader: Marvel characters do not appear in this production.]_

Fifi asked the green guy who was watching a purple body roll and bounce down the hill towards AtroCity who the attacker was.

"Cookie Monster," Kermit said.

Turns out that the Lillian's boards were correct in predicting that Winnie would be facing _monstrous_ danger.

_[Stop cameras. Print. Well done everybody.]_

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 31

When the performance ended, the cast did what many casts do, they exited stage left. After removing their make up, and perhaps exchanging costumes for clothes that were more comfortable, two of the actors come back to the stage and mingled with their audience. In this case, it meant turning into tiny little shoulder demons and then sitting on the heads of two crumpets. Cassie burrowed into Bert's topknot and Meghan did likewise, but she had more Ernie hair to choose from.

Paula took Winnie to BelicoCity and into the mines. Winnie took pictures of the tunnels, the boring machine, the mining camps, the locomotive and its cars. Paula also took Winnie to the storage facilities and showed her the four warehouses. Naturally, the uranium storehouse was mostly empty. The precious metals (cobalt and titanium) were 20% full, and the gold and the silver were 50% full. Winnie took a long look at the terrain between the mine opening and the storage area.

Paula made sure that Winnie made it out of Hell safely before returning to Crumpet Land where the crumpets were engaged in a vigorous discussion. She tried to sit on Kermit's head, which was harder to do then you'd expect because his head was mostly nose. Instead, she burrowed herself inside the cloth necklace that he wore and messaged the other members of the team.

Paula: _Any decisions yet?_

Cassie: _They're leaning towards staying here and putting up with the tourists. They're talking about taking jobs._

Meghan: _Some of them want to relocate to more distant parts of Hell, but they don't know how to do that._

Paula: _Have Burt or Ernie contributed to the discussion yet?_

Cassie: _No._

Paula: _Keely, have you joined in yet?_

Keely: _I've been waiting for you to get here. I'll start talking now._

### # # # # # # # #

"I realize that I've only been in camp for a couple of weeks," Doctor Bunsen Honeydew began. "But, I don't know if you are seeing the big picture here."

The crumpets turned and looked at him. Doctor Honeydew was bald, had yellow skin, and wore a white lab coat. His head was shaped like a honeydew melon, which explained the code name that he had chosen for himself. Of all the crumpets, he was the only one with an advanced academic degree and spent his time in a chemical research lab located back in the hills. With such intellectual skills, he was becoming recognized as Crumpet Land's resident expert in everything,

"What's the big picture, Doc?" Kermit asked.

"The tourist attraction that the hornocrats were describing could be immensely profitable. There are no tourist attractions in Hell right now. I'm sure plenty of devils would be interested in coming here."

"Good for the hornocrats, bad for us." This was Fozzie Bear's verdict. He didn't want to have his hibernation interrupted by a lot of noise."

"Not necessarily. Hornocrats take a long time to make decisions. They have forms to fill out and permissions to ask for. It could be months or even a year before they have permission to build. After that, they'll need tormentts to pay for labor and materials."

"How does that help us?" Statler asked. "It only means we can stay here longer before a wave of tourists descend on us." Statler was a curmudgeony crumpet but his views were shared widely.

"Why don't you build Crumpet Land before the hornocrats come back? This is your land. You know the area and can probably think of numerous attractions. I'm sure you could do a better job than the fools that were here. Think of the millions of tormentts that will come through Crumpet Land daily."

### # # # # # # # #

Well, that was a stunner. The tone of the meeting turned from pessimism to optimism in a blink of an eye, something that was quite remarkable since crumpets didn't have eyelids to blink. That meant that they didn't have anywhere to stash their eyelashes. They had tried using them as dental floss, but none of them had teeth.

As the crumpets discussed the idea of what they could include in their Crumpet Land, a nagging doubt began to arise. This was first mentioned by Sam the Eagle who wore a perpetual frown, but others chimed in as well. "Where do we get the tormentts to build our own world?"

Everybody turned to look at Doctor Bunsen Honeydew.

"I should tell you what I used to do before I came here. I was working in one of the mineral processing plants in BelicoCity. These are plants that process the minerals coming out of Hell's mines. You may not know this, but a lot of acid is needed to remove the mineral from the rocks that come in from the mines. Well, there was accident with some acid and I lost my eye sight."

This was very obvious to anybody who looked at Honeydew's melon-shaped face. He had no pupils. He had glasses, as well as ears, but no pupils.

"We didn't want to say anything, Doc," Kermit was the first to respond. "We thought that you might be sensitive about being the only crumpet who doesn't have pupils. We did wonder though: How can you see if you don't have pupils?"

Now this was a very good question. Good old Honeydew had no trouble seeing. He could walk around, he could eat, and he could call other crumpets by name. He just didn't need any eye drops. Ever.

"One of my best inventions was this pair of glasses. They act as my eyes. If I take them off, I'm blind."

"How will this help us?" Sam the Eagle chirped in. _[Pun intended.]_

"I know where Hell keeps the gold that it gets from the mines. I also know how we can steal some of it. I'll need a few helpers."

### # # # # # # # #

The meeting was coming to an end. Honeydew had the volunteers that he needed. He refused to reveal his plan for stealing the gold, but reminded the village that stealing was not a crime in Hell. This was the last reassurance the crumpets needed.

Meanwhile, Bert and Ernie were in a dilemma. They liked the idea of becoming rich, but they knew that they could be recognized and reported to the mine's recruiting officer. After all, they had tried to start another pandemic on Earth, which was completely against the rules. As the crumpets dispersed, the same idea flashed through Bert and Ernie's brains and bounced around in there for a bit. _Why don't we tell Dr. Honeydew why we can't stay in Crumpet Land? Perhaps he'll have an idea_.

Wonders of wonders, Dr. Honeydew did have an idea as well as a plan. All Bert and Ernie had to do was volunteer to help steal the gold.

Back to the Table of Contents

# Chapter 32

Galahad and Winnie were huddled around the boardroom table in the castle when Guinny came in. The pictures that Winnie had taken were strewn all over the table.

"Final stage of Operation Tourist?" Guinny asked. "Mind if I sit in?"

"Not at all, Guinny," Winnie said. "Galahad is trying to explain how his concoction is going to work but I'm no good with chemical formulas. I know it will work and that's good enough for me."

"You knew that the Trident.6 was going to blow up, but you didn't know what options the crew had, did you?" Turning to Guinny, he continued. "Winnie knew that she didn't want the crew to die, and so I built that into the plan and gave the crew enough time to escape. She didn't know that they would escape in pods that would give the Cops of the Cosmos an opportunity to question them. It was the crew's testimony that meant Hell's plans would be discovered. Lillian and Joe-Joe never had to be called. They might have appreciated knowing that in advance."

"We got the same results."

"Yes, but luck should never be counted on. You can never have too much information about the battle environment in which you'll be working."

"OK, I get it. Details, details, details. Do I have to know anything more about these tunnels?"

"They are excellent conduits for acid because ..."

"I'll come back," Guinny said but they didn't hear her.

### # # # # # # # #

"My brain is hurting," Winnie admitted when Guinny returned. Galahad was off making up his concoction. He'd pass that on to Paula who would smuggle it into Hell and give it Keely who would use it in her role as Dr. Honeydew. Winnie wasn't actually needed in this part of Operation Tourist, but she wanted to be there. Lillian hadn't objected when Winnie had briefed her on the plan's progress.

"Did Lillian tell you about the Cops of the Cosmos' cooperative strategy against Hell?" Guinny asked.

"Yes, they will turn a blind eye if the Cops hear that Heaven has spies or operatives working in Hell. We can't be caught by Hell though."

"Will that change anything in the way you operate?"

"I don't think so. We keep the risk of discovery as low as possible anyway. Is there any actual benefit to Heaven?"

"As I understand it, this represents a change of attitude. Harry is prepared to put barriers in front of Hell if we hint at what would work. Like banning the importation of tunnel boring machines because Hell had weaponized those. He hadn't thought of that. After you briefed Lillian on the final stage of Operation Tourist, she had a brief chat with Harry."

"Was I expected to know that this was important?"

"No. That's Lillian's job. She has to know everything she can about the environment between Hell, Heaven and the Cops. It's the same principle you have to follow, but at a different level. She's been playing poker with Harry for decades. You get to know people very well over a poker table."

"Do you play poker?"

"Yes, of course. Arthur and I used to play it around the round table that the fable tellers made such a big deal about. We made the table round so that we could play poker."

"I take it that you've been sitting in on some of the briefings to Lillian."

"No. Lillian briefs me."

"Huh."

"I'll be out of the castle for a while."

"Where are you off to?"

"I'm visiting with your Granny. She's going to show me some sights. I want to see mortals in real life, not as images on a screen."

"Granny is amazing. Did she tell you about the war that she fought alongside my dad and how she was wounded but still survived."

"Yes. I asked her why she limped. On another matter, Lillian is planning to give you a wee giftie when all of your operations are finished. That's assuming that they are all successful."

"They'll be successful, random events permitting."

"It's a good thing to be able to laugh at oneself."

"Huh?"

"Close your mouth, girl. You look like a fopdoodle."

Then Guinny disappeared.

_Why do I feel that I've just been insulted?_

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# Chapter 33

The final segment of Operation Crumpet Land was set to go on Monday, June 21, but first a number of minor tasks had to be completed.

On Friday, Dr. Honeydew sent Bert and Ernie into SinSin-atti to purchase two haz-mat suits at the end-of-the-world store that the crumpets used to stock up with equipment they'd need to survive Heaven's eventual attack on Hell. Honeydew emphasized that they had to risk travelling to SinSin-atti for the haz mat suits so that the suits would fit them properly. Bert and Ernie disguised themselves by putting chef hats over their stubby horns. Bork, the Swedish chef, was happy to give them two of his spares. While they were gone, Keely rummaged through the lab in the back of their cave until she found what she wanted. It was going to be a surprise!

On Saturday, Winnie and Paula helped Keely find and remove the security cameras in the four storage warehouses. Winnie adjusted the computer records to reveal that no cameras had ever been placed in those buildings.

On Sunday, Dr. Honeydew tasked Bert and Ernie with scouting the local mountains for a promising trail that they could use to relocate. Staying in Crumpet Land was not an option for them. Honeydew told them that he'd give them a share of the gold they helped to steal for the crumpets. While they were off hiking up and down local mountainsides, Keely examined their haz-mat suits and made a few adjustments that would make their suits more secure.

That brings us to Monday. It's well past murk down.

### # # # # # # # #

As mentioned previously, the narrow tunnel leading into the mines had a green bean soup pipe fastened to the roof of the tunnel. The bottom of the tunnel had an electrical rail on the floor of the tunnel that provided power to the locomotive and the tunnel-boring machine as well. With the tunnel now extending deep into the mountains, the soup in the pipe had to be pressurized in order to keep the soup flowing. The pipe near the end of the tunnel must have been flawed because it split open and began to spew its contents on the tunnel floor immediately below. At least that was the consensus of opinion of the investigators. They couldn't be sure because security cameras hadn't been installed yet.

The spew of soup fell onto a live electrical rail that began to cook the soup and yes, even to burn it. Burnt green bean soup is not considered a delicacy. Indeed burnt green bean soup should be considered a health hazard. As the cascading soup began to cover the electrical rail, a putrid cloud of smoke filled the tunnel. The heat of the burning soup caused the overhead pipe to split even more, which meant that even more soup fell onto the tunnel floor, which produced even more smell. The soup on the floor of the tunnel began to burn even more. More lengths of pipe fractured open and a rolling cascade of burnt soup and putrid smoke began to migrate downhill. At least, that was the consensus of opinion of the investigators.

All foods that mortals eat have some level of acidity. Green beans are not considered to be high in acids. But, as that green been soup pooling on the tunnel floor boiled and bubbled, the acidic levels increased. The acidic levels and the soup levels were highest at the far end of the tunnel where the leak began. The tunnel-boring machine, the locomotive, and the boxcars were all at that end of the tunnel. That's why the wheels on that equipment were destroyed beyond repair. At least, that was the consensus of opinion of the investigators.

Nobody knew what caused the panic in the mine. It's possible that somebody yelled out _It's going to blow. Get out of here._ At least, that's what some devils who had been at the end of the tunnel remembered. What wasn't in doubt was the rush of devils out of the mine and, as well, the rush of devils out of the storage warehouses, the two being very close. Fears of explosions in a mine are common because miners can be buried alive. That must be why the miners panicked even though there was no likelihood of any explosion. At least, that was the consensus of opinion of the investigators.

Locomotives and a tunnel-boring machine are very heavy. Without movable wheels, it would be impossible to bring them out of the tunnel. Dismantling them was out of the question. That meant that this tunnel was not going any further. Some consideration was given to bringing in a new tunnel boring machine but any such machine like that had been banned by the Cops of Cosmos who would be searching all freight ships that arrived. Restoring Hell's mining industry was impossible. At least, that was Satan's opinion and he didn't need a consensus.

Nobody knew why two devils in haz-mat suits died in the train's caboose. Devils looking for equipment or supplies that they could sell on Hell's E(vil) Bay network discovered them there. Nobody could explain how the two of them had managed to lock themselves into that caboose. Nobody knew that they had been told that some of the mine's gold nuggets had been hidden in that caboose.

The scroungers did manage to open up the faceplates of the suits, but that took a lot of effort. Somehow, the fasteners on the faceplates had been frozen tight. Nobody was curious enough to do a viral analysis of the air that the two devils had been forced to breathe from the tanks on their backs. These were the tanks that had contained pure oxygen plus two vials of a liquid virus Keely had found in a refrigerator in a certain cave laboratory. Had anybody felt the inclination to do a viral analysis, it was too late anyway. That virus had died on its own seventy-two hours after the last two victims of the Covid virus had succumbed to their painful deaths. Apparently, trying to start a pandemic on Earth can be a risky proposition.

### # # # # # # # #

A couple of loose ends to tie off:

Meghan was the team member at the end of the tunnel who caused the pipe explosion and started the panic. The panic was necessary so that she could spray Galahad's concoction into the soup pooling on the tunnel floor and directly onto the wheels of the rolling stock. That concoction produced the bubbling soup and the putrid smell. It was highly acidic and that was why she was in a haz-mat suit of her own. Her pharmaceutical training and knowledge of how to handle dangerous fluids was the reason Winnie had picked her for the role.

It was the hand of the Meghan's haz-mat suit waving at them that prompted Bert and Ernie to climb inside the caboose to search for the gold that Dr. Honeydew had promised. That haz-mat suit hand was also the hand that locked the door.

Dr. Honeydew (Keely) and Rowlf the Dog used the panic of the devils spilling out of the mine to sneak into the storage sheds. Dr. Honeydew hung a basket around his neck and said "Go Fetch, Rowlf." They didn't want to take all the gold as that would have been very heavy and noticeable. Stealing in Hell may not be illegal, but stealing Satan's gold was not a very good career choice. Nobody knew the number of nuggets in that storage; the amount that Rolf could fit into his very large basket could be explained away by claiming they had found a hidden gold mine.

### # # # # # # # #

Operation PPP wouldn't formally finish until the crumpets were well on the way to building Crumpet Land. We'll take a preview.

On Winnie's order, the PPP's will call in the favor that the johns owed them. This favor was to publicly back whatever the PPPs told them to back. In this case, the PPPs wanted Hell to develop a tourism industry. The benefits of this industry were: watching torture pits as entertainment was losing its appeal; devils had nothing to do in the evenings; a tourist industry would generate a lot of tormentts that had to go through Satan's Bank of Hell, meaning he would profit from the idea. The idea was also based on the idea that devilettes would run the tourist parks and pleasure palaces would be discontinued.

Since no real devil would consider tourism as torture, the only way that Satan could profit financially was by giving the tourism jobs to the devilettes. It would mean that they weren't eligible for horn growth, but they appeared to be fine with that. With so many high level devils publicly backing the new industry, Satan approved the idea of giving himself more tormentts. It was a tough decision, but somebody had to make it.

Not all devilettes joined the tourism adventure. Many of them had been providing valuable counsel to their johns who had begun to rely on them. When faced with losing that support, many of the johns offered to give their former prostitutes the position of Executive Assistant in their department. The devilettes accepted the offer. For those of you who aren't familiar with bureaucratic positions, the _Executive Assistant_ runs the show. The director is a figurehead who relies on his executive assistant to carry out the orders that he thinks were his idea.

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# Chapter 34: Epilog

Operation PPP won't end until the end of July. But I have two loose ends to tie up. Let's go back to the end of June, which was when Operations Syrup and Crumpet Land had ended successfully. Winnie and her crew had celebrated at the castle, first with swimming au naturel, and afterwards with a contest they called: _Who can?_

_Who can design the sexiest costume within 10 seconds without falling out of it?_

_Who can make the most elaborate hair do in thirty seconds?_

_Who can disguise herself as the ugliest looking mortal male in 15 seconds?_

Etcetera. That last contest was repeated numerous times.

### # # # # # # # #

Since Galahad had not been invited to the festivities, Winnie thought that she would suggest another trip to the Angelion.52 for a small celebration of their own. She knew that Galahad would have to visit the ship shortly. He could do that and celebrate at the same time.

Galahad agreed and offered to bring desert. Winnie reciprocated with an offer to bring the main course. They were now relaxing in two soft chair, both positioned so that they faced the viewing port. Shields was giving them a slow cruise around the inner solar system.

"I've never tasted gelato before," Winnie confessed as she watched an enlarged asteroid as it zoomed by. "Italians must make a fortune off selling it."

"Gelato is the Italian word for ice cream. The ingredients are much the same but the way they make it is different."

"Were you Italian as a mortal?"

"I don't have memories of that. I think I must have been British. I love fish and chips."

"I saw that. It's a good thing that I ordered three meals. Do you think William will join us?"

"That's doubtful. When I left him, he was drooling in the engine room. The crew had been warned to leave him alone. That way, anything that he learns about light powered space ships will be solely due to his own thinking."

"Plus being inside a working space ship while he's doing that thinking."

"Did you alter the future by offering to give him a trip on our space shape if he'd give us all the fissile materials?"

"Anything anybody does in the present alters the future. Not bribing him would have altered the future too."

"How will he explain the disappearance of the fissile materials the Wilizy had already collected?"

"Out of sight, out of mind. Wolf and TG will be the only two who might ask him, but they're going to be super excited to be designing a space ship that's based on light. They have no reason to ask."

"Can William do that by prowling around the propulsion drive?"

"Trust me. He's not just looking. He's had a lot of time to prepare for this visit. I bet he has an invisible ruck sack on his back full of scientific dohickeys."

"So Earth gets one step closer to civilization."

"Hope so."

"What are you planning to do on your leave?"

"I dunno. What are you going to do?"

"I'll be attending war games with other space ships from Angelion. The Angelion.52 is expected to be part of the home planet's defenses in the event the planet is attacked. It's good training for my crew."

"Sounds like fun."

### # # # # # # # #

When Winnie got back to the castle from the slow cruise around the inner solar system, she found a sealed package on the boardroom table. Her name was on the front of the envelope.

Inside was a card from Lillian.

_I wanted to give you a wee giftie for all you've done for Heaven the recent months but you probably have everything you want. So, I'm giving you something that will last you all of your life: the ability to find humor in the strangest of places. The giftie is on the storage device._

### # # # # # # # #

The wee giftie was a video. It started with a screen that had these words on it.

**Lights, Camera, Action.**

The scene showed the roof of Castle Camelot. A female figure was lying on her back on a lounge chair on the castle's roof. A blanket was covering the front of her body from her toes to her nose. As Winnie watched, the figure folded the top of the blanket covering her nose so that it now covered her mouth, and of course the rest of her body.

Winnie closed her eyes. That didn't help. The giftie came with sound effects.

"ACK!"

...

"ACK!!"

...

"ACK!!"

...

"ACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACK....."

...

"ACKACKACKACKACKACKACKACK....."

...

When the woodpeckering stopped, Winnie opened her eyes again and saw these words on the screen.

_You have the only copy. Enjoy._

Winnie remembered Guinny's words when she left. _It's a good thing to be able to laugh at oneself._

Winnie watched the video again, but with her eyes open this time. When the gust of wind blew the blanket almost off the parapet, and she saw the look of absolute horror on her face, she began to giggle.

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# Books in the Wilizy series

As of August 2020, the Wilizy series contained twenty-six novels as listed below.

**Book #1: I Got'cha**

If you think being a teenager in today's world is tough, try being one in 2081. In Alberta's It's Only Fair society, your brain-band will zap you just for chewing with your mouth open. One boy pried his brain-band off to see what living with emotions would be like. Being chased by the entire Alberta army was bad enough. It became worse when another 15 year old kid offered to help him escape.

**Book #2: The Get-Even Bird**

Will and Izzy are forced to flee from Zzyk's army. After months away from Alberta, they fly their sailing ship into B.C. thinking that they would be safe there. Bad mistake! Izzy is captured. All Will has to do to save her life is turn himself in for a free brain-band fitting appointment. That's what happens when you wear a Zorro costume to a dance.

**Book #3: Assassination Day**

A DPS technician offers to defect if the Wilizy will rescue his daughter from _The Citadel_ – some super smart military people who are friends with Zzyk. Izzy thinks that their new recruit is an assassin, but Yollie insists that he's a decent man. Can assassins be decent men? It will take a hair-raising experience to find out.

**Book #4: Hoist the Jolly Lucas**

It's bad enough that Zzyk pins the blame for two assassinations on Izzy and launches a full out assault on their home compound. But then, another enemy takes advantage of a security lapse to get revenge for a war that happened 20 years ago. The Wilizy are left reeling with two key members kidnapped and stashed where they can't be found, let alone rescued. For the family to survive, everybody must enter the battle. The story is as much about the past as it is about the present.

**Book #5: Teenage Mutant Ninja Torpedoes** (Yes, this is a Wilizy book.)

Mac disappears and doesn't want to be found. Will and Wolf use time-travel to search for her and discover secrets she wouldn't want them to know. The Alaskans attack when Will is finding out what happens to a submarine's air when it is lying helpless on the ocean floor. Between the Alaskans' impenetrable fortress and their bubblegum weapons, life is going to get a little sticky for the Wilizy.

**Book #6: Bob, the Invisible Dragon**

Raging hormones as well as Raging Gardeners play key roles when young Wilizy warriors are attacked and the Wilizy's scientific marvels offer no protection. The youngsters' future will rely on a different kind of warrior protecting them. Warning: events at the end of the story will move quickly. They certainly won't _drag on_.

**Book #7: Nary, Nary, Quite Contrary**

Theo and Lucas move to Toronto to live on their own. Both meet girls but neither is brave enough to introduce his new friend to the family. They wouldn't have the time anyway, what with villains trying to assassinate them and Voodoo royalty greeting them as though they were Voodoo gods. At the end of the story, Lucas receives a surprise Boxing Day gift that leaves him speechless.

**Book #8: Maddy's a Baddy**

Maddy had escaped from Big Momma only to find herself all alone in the cold and begging for food in Eastern Canada. While she's trying to return to her home in Seattle, the Wilizy have their own problems. Everybody in the family is intent on bringing the judge to justice for what he did to Lucas. It would have been so easy for them to rescue Maddy, but they didn't know anything about her.

**Book #9: Bite Me!**

Spurred on by Marie's desire to eat a meal with her former slave masters, the Wilizy plan to put Safe Haven ranches out of business. In the process, they encounter two foreign assassins intent on abducting Maddy. Theo and Nary become closer but a red-eyed chaperone does not approve. The Wilizy's war with Safe Haven starts with a bang but ends with a whimper.

**Book #10: Wheelchair Moccasins!**

A 13 year old girl pretends to turn to prostitution to gain her freedom from her crime boss father. In Wilizy family news, Winnie agrees not to meddle in Mathias' love life. No, the world isn't ending, so long as you don't have a green vegetable for your name. Best advice ever? If somebody wearing moccasins and sitting in a wheelchair offers to sing you to sleep... run!

**Book #11: Trial by Nick**

After the Scandinavians attack their home base, Winnie develops an idea for defeating Crown Prince Wilhelm that is a dramatic departure from their normal military battles. In their personal lives, the Toronto teenagers have to become schnobs to keep their basketball futures alive, Lucas and Lylah begin dating, and two of EmmaGee's personalities leave her body.

**Book #12. Tickled Pink**

A man uses his unlimited wealth and power to assault women without fear of legal consequences. If they object, he'll humiliate them publicly and ruin their lives. If they don't stand up to him, their lives as they knew them will be over. But how do you fight a man who is above the law? Here's how. The Raging Gardeners help the women while Winnie attacks him where he isn't looking.

**Book #13: Second Base**

Granny and Doc enjoy a spirited life in their new Australian house while Bean has to adjust to her mother joining her in the Wilizy cadet camp. She meets a charming man with country pumpkin witticisms whose entire life is dedicated to becoming a cold blooded killer. Meanwhile, Safe Haven's impenetrable offices aren't as safe as they thought they were.

**Book #14: Old Stone Face**

Bean moves to Toronto with her sheriff who takes a job as a private detective. Before long, he's trying to bring a mad scientist to justice - the same man that Winnie is after. With both the Wilizy and a countrified sheriff after the same man, you'd think he'd be easy to catch. Too bad there are no laws about a mad scientist killing twenty-one babies.

**Book #15: Remember the Halocracy**

Reese finds Annika - his first, and only, girl friend. For reasons that nobody fully understands, he sort of kidnaps her but she willingly accompanies him to the far side of globe. Reese figures out later that she could be trying to seduce him when in fact, she's actually going to try to kill him.

**Book #16: Coffee Can Kill Ya!**

Convincing Paula's brother to give her a proper share of her parents' estate had seemed so easy. Turned out that it wasn't so easy after all. In the Wilizy's defense, murdering extra-terrestrials that tried to kidnap a corpse created unique challenges. To their credit, the Wilizy dealt with those. But, how do you deal with something that you can't see and don't even know exists?

**Book #17: Nice Birthday Party, Governor.**

Plot twists abound as the Wilizy take on the Colorado government and the NORAD military simultaneously. Maddy quits the cadet corp to run a secret operation that ends in a one-on-one battle. Melissa breaks Reese out of jail and Cowboy shows his dramatic talents, which do not include stripping. Winnie directs two dramatic productions but only one of these involves wearing respectable clothes.

**Book #18: The Tale of the Scorpion's Tail**

The Wilizy have to neutralize NORAD's nuclear missiles while defeating their air force without causing any casualties. A special weapon (guided bird poop) will be needed. Meanwhile, Heaven's guardian angels are under attack from within. The key to success? Rescuing a gerbil imprisoned in an escape-proof cage. "Molly Moonblossom" and "Nympho Maniac" play key roles. One of these actors is Winnie.

**Book #19: Brunhilda, the Steamroller.**

Billy Bump resurfaces and plans Maddy's death. Winnie accepts a secret mission but runs afoul of Yolanda, who is sure that she has a boyfriend. Yolanda's vision that Winnie will be attacked comes true. Demonic infiltrators into Heaven escape detection when the steamroller named Brunhilda prosecutes Arthur and finds him guilty. This time, he won't be going back to guardian angel school.

**Book #20: Lock Up Your Corn Starch!**

While Paula, Winnie and Arthur are on a perilous mission for Heaven, the Wilizy family is trying to rescue Charlie and Sheila from prison. Wilizy forces battle demented escaped convicts intent on slaughtering innocent victims to help a brown supremacist politician win an election. If you're intent on going to Hell when you die, be sure to read this book for a preview of what's waiting for you.

**Book #21: The Champion Kisser**

Melissa's Operation Beef Jerky, featuring pragmatic momma cows and flying unbranded calves, goes after a stinky justice. In Hell, Winnie has to deal with a dead pharmacist and an asparagus-shaped devil geek in her operation against the perfume-toting, hog-riding Rat. On her side is a pussy tat named Santa Claws and a junk food eating canary that has a fatal encounter with a loaded frying pan.

**Book #22: Black Cats: Lucky or Unlucky?**

Strange characters abound in this story. You'll meet a woman named Fido, a purple gnome, a mining gal that can make a cowhand vibrate, a safe-cracking masked marauder, a stinker bell, a high wire gymnast afraid of height, three hench-devils, and a devil wearing an Elizabethan ebony doublet, complete with raven black satin breeches and a heart shaped codpiece. Oh yeah. There's also a black cat.

**Book #23: Morgana Foils the Duke's Plans**

In Book #23, you'll meet a zesty Zulu goddess who pulls a spear of gold out of a lake bed. An angel named Prudence has a potty mouth. A dolphin in the Cops of the Cosmos arranges for Heaven to invade Hell. Queen Guinevere meets Sir Galahad, Sir Lance Lott, and Sir Launchalot, one of whom is not gallant. The perfume toting Morgana wields a devilish weapon of mass olfaction.

**Book #24: Who Painted Lord Percy?**

Book #24 asks the question: Who Painted Lord Percy? The suspects include: a dead man who hunts perverts, a condom buying female angel, the devil named Gold Pinkies, a cherry pie barfing angel, a mortal resigned to joining The Borg's beehive, a skinny-dipping ghost, a devil named Adolf Hitler, an angel who can't pucker up to kiss, and the angels who protected Christopher Columbus.

**Book #25: Happy Valentine's Day**

Maddy is kidnapped by a witless devil named Pig Snout who stashes her in a retail outlet in Hell. With the help of Molly Moonblossom and Fanny Fandigity, the Wilizy bring a bullying businessman to justice and do it in a dandy way. Reese enjoys Valentine's Day in a way he never expected. A new hero emerges from the Wilizy's past. It will be nigh impossible for readers to guess who she is.

**Book #2** **6: Lights, Camera, Action**

Winnie gets a new angelic body, meets an angel from the medieval era, and gets a crash course on trident-shaped spaceships. Meanwhile, Satan is planning multiple changes to Hell that will have dangerous consequences for the Cosmos as well as for all female devils. If Winnie's three operations are successful, afterlife in Hell could be less misogynistic and perhaps even entertaining.

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# About the Author

David J. Wighton is a retired educator who enjoys writing youth novels when he's not on a basketball court coaching middle-school girls. The books in his Wilizy series peek at how people lived after the word's governments collapsed in the chaos that followed the catastrophic rise in ocean levels and the disappearance of the world's last deposits of oil.

Wighton's novels have strong teenage characters driving the plot and facing challenges that, in many respects, are no different from what teenagers face today. His novels are intended to entertain and readers will find adventure, romance, suspense, humour, a strong focus on family, plus a touch of whimsy. Wighton also writes to provoke a little thought about life in today's societies and what the future might bring. Teachers may find the series useful in the classroom and the novels are priced with that intent in mind.

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