Uh... *wapish* TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADIES, MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE
AND WELCOME TO A KA-
A game. Why was I going to say welcome to a kale?
WTF- That doesn't even mean anything.
Welcome to a game called...
Um...
Hearts Medicine Hospital Heat
It's a sequel to a game that I hadn't even heard about before,
But this just came out on Steam
And I saw the trailer, and it looked hilarious. It looked really fun. I dont know why.
I could play where like it's a shirt a
girl saying please mom and the whole
house was on fire or some dude walking
on a couple kissing in the closet I know
it looks like a really cheesy 80s
Hospital sitcom so I really wanted to
play could be funny could be awful I
have no idea but the game just started
and this is the first thing we're
redoing well there was like splash
screens and a fire engine driving and
different stuff so I'm standing in front
of Little Creek Hospital where despite
the fireman's best efforts it looks like
the fire has yet to be contained I'm
getting a report Oh No some people are
still stuck inside back to you Jim kids
aah we need to evacuate the building
quickly and calmly let's get moving
I'm Dr. handsome it sounds like Hanson
but it's actually handsome let's go
click the kids to make them leave Oh God
come on the buildings on fire
eat Edie doesn't out come on 1 2 3 4 5 6
all the kids are gone and unless fuckin
Billy is hidin somewhere BILLY
you motherfucker what did I just say
don't be hidin mm-hmm
I didn't want to go Ryan let's go I
can't stay this handsome and awesome
forever this fire will burn my
beautifully sculpted face Ryan come on
we have to go now oh shit I skip the
thing I'm sure one of our staff will be
taking good care of her but as of right
now we really need to go haha man I'm pretty
right this way good job Ryan I knew you
had it in you you little fuck ah ah she
dead
what'd I do I'm afraid this might sting
a little stab Oh remove the glass so
this is another part of the game it's
like those surgery games that I played
before
remove the glass yes this will go nice
in the new mirror I'm making for Sandra
it's not see sir it's not
one-way glass shit so weight is one way
of welcome to it fuck I don't know what
I'm saying
Sofia please stick with me okay for a
bandage her up good yes Sofia Gomez
don't you fucking worry time to go oh
yes
no this doctor doesn't skip leg days
here we go we can see people are
starting to make their way outside we
can only hope that everyone but I'm not
sure what's happening now it's a
superhero thank the hospital the doctor
Avengers are here it it appears someone
is trying to get into the hospital fuck
yet is oh it's dr. grey here to save the
day or Alison I can't get you any closer
Alison drag fuck yeah see this is
awesome this is so cool
she came ready to jump into the building
click on this one the ground - job you
fucking got this Alison there you go
nail the landing superhero landing very
hardened the needs she got this she got
a fire dosing kid right and played this
you can do this okay
click into spot to jump what happens to
print owned firms if I click the wrong
spot can I jump into the hole oh man
there you know you got this superhero by
day also doctor by day it's really hard
to make up my mind what job I want oh
no she fell into the hole anyway!
oh fuck
hordes medicine Hospital heat fuck yeah
this is so cheesy I love it so much let
me know flat lighting in my er today do
anything that'll be happening it's
hearts will be beating for love the love
doctor is in five months earlier that's
quite the leap in time
alright the dog oh it's going to be on
fire ha ha ha I don't understand the
irony of my foreshadowing Oh little
fight oh yeah
the party for the new wing is going to
be pretty great I just like to give them
a like a Johnny Bravo voice Wow
everything looks so amazing in this
Disney adventure I know what Pediatrics
department looking hot right
fuck's sake dude all these jokes don't
you realize doctor ass chin that these
kids are going to die here a hot room
for a smoking hot doctor Oh a smoking
hot doctor can you introduce us at the
party tomorrow
oh fuck were you talking oh it was me
ha ha I didn't realize I may have smart
I may have looks but I don't got the
brainy do you know I love my new boss
although I kind of have to say that now
that we're dating yes
yes you do talking about being your boss
do you need some instructions um yes
tell me how to doctoral fight their shit
out of this place
it says pediatric center that's going to
ER yet but you don't know sniff me noses
and boo-boos on elbows are just the same
as open-heart surgery you've no idea
also I love this game already it's so
over the top yes instructions please
sure I could probably use a little
reminder just go ahead and use this
patient as a guinea pig
when a patient enters try to get their
attention by collecting they're gonna
make this do like so over the top where
everything is like did you see how
good-looking I am today and then he has
no idea what's actually going on okay
Cindy what's up hello yes and sick I
would like to fix then send them to
where they need to go by clicking on the
requested station
yep Adam come on over I'm sad I'm sick
and then I can start their treatment
right it reminds me of their what the
name of the hell are there the name of
those games Aaron and Danny plated on
game grumps and Aaron had a video of it
oh I hit a hospital Redux
thing I can't remember but it's the
hospital games as well where they're
over-the-top ridiculous you got this
okay I'm your doctor
Alison what seems to be the problem oh I
fixed you Wow
I'm amazing patients may require more
than one treatment before they're cured
and I have a question why did you give
me and why okay so I just click on where
they need to go that's fine
you look drugged as fuck and some
treatments require items or tools just
like I am a tool which you'll have to
pick a first nice you only then are you
able to perform the treatment okay there
we go I just injected you with heroin
off you go to start your day of drug
addiction at 12:00 go ahead ah I'm doing
a rough voice in kindergarten before
this and I can't talk right that fixes
me right up after their final treatment
they'll walk to the checkout desk here
let me guess
I can check them out that's fucking
gross she's just a child we work in
Pediatrics where are you checking them
out I know it's double-entendre play on
words that's fucking gross great work
Alison whoa hold the fuck on is that a
guinea pig looks like Ruth's guinea pig
Oliver has escaped again let's see if we
can catch that little piece of shit
there you go
you got him tonight seems like I'm
getting the hang of being a doctor I
treated a patient and caught a guinea
pig when will I get my sword I heard
that that's what doctors do two more
things my pegs some treatments are more
complex and require you to complete a
precision task but we'll cross that
bridge when the troll asks us for
payment also helping patients quickly
will increase their health remember
leave them too long and someone will
have to step in that's all there is
you got this fuck yeah I got this mr.
bass man perfect
yes look like that every time oh what a
stupid son-of-a-bitch yeah
do you need me to be a doctor and treat
your bruised ego beside you look all
cool and it fucked it up okay here you
go let belly energy chair or I'll fix
you up good
Jesus Christ I move at the speed of
light
okay this is really why I wanted to play
a game it did look silly and everything
but it's like a resource management game
at the same time so I can tie grammar
into place it looks cool it's kind of
like a I don't know how you think this
is the casual little um point-and-click
kind of thing but all this shit goes on
and it makes me feel awesome daddy pig
motherfucker oh my god play a doctor is
awesome all you get to do all cool sorts
of shit like weed this trial this bear
there you go eat this pair it'll fix you
I click I had to take the fucking thing
off there Plus this equals fun time for
Kathy oh you need to go on to my second
bed go to my second bed and I'll
amputate that leg it looks like you got
gangrene is it gangrene pretty sure it's
gangrene that you have it's the gangrene
he got alright
he's turning into the Grinch there you
go bye thanks
did you check me out cuz I checked those
kids
oh no no I'd like to read letters on the
board that's a pretty dog okay you're
taking time and then that's one hurt
during okay I think we're going to get
complicated after a while but I got this
shit finished that's a matter of a key
to the bastard children I don't need to
fix you apparently there you go go to
the bed it's just so funny first shift
finished go home can't picture anymore I
cock out
Allison's got to go get herself some
drinks
precepts 33333 along me nice this is
worth more fuckin Bishop II listened to
the organ especially the heart to have
all the circles to listen to the
patient's vital organs the penis does
not count as one you don't have to wait
while you're listening tough to circle
quickly okay let me listen to that chest
let me listen to what was trouble you
speak to Allison speak to the doctor the
doctor is in what are we doing I can
skip there you go
Patti thanks that is a sorcerer mommy
you want to get some ice cream
hahaha I got the book I got the bestest
mommy in the whole world but she's the
one who stabbed you I'm brought you to
hospital I love the music
you okay Allison I am perfect no one's
perfect Allison okay a bit of humility a
bit of modesty very attractive tracing
people maybe use them some them so how
did I do my first day back in Pediatrics
you did amazingly ha like everything I
like to imagine to everything he does
it's just like you did great like he has
to do everything in opposed is that him
on the wall although although I guess I
kind of have to say that now that we're
dating I guess I deserve that
Palfrey frames laugh track music play
and credit oh I got you something as
it's your first day here
it's these massive pecs
doctor chances herbal tea I thought it
was a legend I thought it was just myth
Prem Jesus fucking dog is mad for doctor
chances herbal tea what are the chances
it'll be delicious he's not a free
friend because I'm so good at it too the
first of many great days clink fuck this
is awesome ha ha ha ha
restock three inhalers I got Oliver as
well as a piece of shit nice day two on
the job Allison are you ready to help us
set up the party
my girls are together this is gonna be
so much fun do you think you'll survive
without me I guess I'll have to manage
somehow just talk to them self in the
mirror all day
I'll save you again you better do I get
to be this guy no yeah just you and me
today princess but the dog's name
welcome to the shop here you can buy
room upgrades with your shopping money
each upgrade provides a different
benefit so why not have a look around oh
I'm a sucker for game at upgrades man
150 100 hours we have the 300 shopping
money you know what that means we're
going shopping question there's no
anything with a inhalers okay so I don't
know what stuff does yet so great the
chair kids who lose hurts more slowly
when sat on this phone froggy seat
why not comfortable with that
kids have more patience when uh-huh
kids become more patient when lying on
this doctor's bed
I'll take doctor's bed for 450 Jim when
resting on a fun book bed and we'll be
forward to lose hurts okay so which one
I'm thinking one or the one of these
this might be better in the long run
let's get this I know plus it's a fun
ladybug bed and person the frogs though
okay I don't do anything with the
inhalers right now right i restock them
in the actual day okay let's link py
to-do item hello
why would you like don't worry
the doctors here to click on your chest
good job
me oh I'll check you out
eight-year-old because it's Pediatrics
this is fucked up wait did you make that
joke at the Sarah Yepsen why am i
continuing that joke that's fucking
gross don't do that
there's restock inhalers restock three
inhalers oh not sacks oh okay here we go
give you the inhaler fuck yeah but you
and that fucking bed check you out
you get fucking tiddlywinks mr. berry
nice ooh wait that didn't fix you wait
where do I put the inhalers oh fuck
click on an item you don't need anywhere
to move from your drink okay but I still
need it oh shit this is getting
complicated
um click click here do I reflect them in
their walk yes a spoonful of sugar makes
the medicine go down
did you know what spoon of meth make
sure Brown go upside down ah God ah I
only have one fucking chair do I look
like L super dr. o to you guys no I'm
just after handsome yes I know
do you think that I'm making the joke of
dr. Hanson
but that's no I better than that come on
I need more patience there you go you're
well you're definitely not an 8 year old
you look like you're about 16 the joke
was so glad to make but dr. Hanson is a
bit of a dick sit in my chair I'm Chris
Hanson
take a seat that would actually be very
apropos for this episode listen to that
that's not the sound of your heartbeat
that's the sound of great doctor work
the fucking best doctor give me those
three sir gimme those three sirs that's
what dr. Jack likes to see when you
assign a patient start a treatment or
finish an action quickly you'll earn
bonus hurt sometimes it's better to lose
one quick bonus to assure another okay
good I'm just going to keep playing it
by ear and keep going hey super fun oh
look at those fucking moon oh yes dr.
Alison do you like my sexy boobs
you were right this party is awesome
there's so much red oh yeah lovely told
you finally everything is perfect you're
setting me up for the bad ones I know
the fight goes on fire eventually and
everyone's just around looking at our
moves Alison it hits your mother
are you fucking toasting to that you
cock hey it's me when I'm 60
so no Parsa
my mom you have to take it dear she's
bill she's been moved to the hospital as
we speak
no mama look now oh ha ha ha ha don't
drive off without me
I didn't mean to spilled soda on your
new dress Alice don't call here again
yeah ice-cold Allison are you sure about
this musicians are just like we're just
waiting until they can play again yes
I'm sure
right now it's late and I need to get
some sleep
this guy a minute ago like you're
ruining my dream yeah my dream I'll walk
you out
ok bye now see you later fuckers now I
can enjoy this party in peace my second
kind of date - and I already can't find
Oliver you've been locked up bonus level
bonus levels provide a different kind of
challenge and allow you to earn extra
dime
what is this the keeping hole in - ok -
Oliver that shit plane Taz money
Oliver's as you can why not find a
fucking get out of this douchebag there
we go there we go there we go
ok the secret it's it the secret is to
put your eyes in the middle of the
screen you see Reaper so I already don't
know a Popeye's areas that little piece
of shit there we go here we go yes yes
just let your eyes go go lazy and you'll
find him knocked up fuck
- diamonds reached that's what I like to
hear
- diamonds for me on my ring finger from
dr. handsome look all I need in life but
don't need to be a doctor anymore if I
married ship finished I didn't get three
stars that's it
Cappy is up there anymore I'm hanging up
my stethoscope it's all for everybody
that's not fuck Oliver that little
guinea pigs a piece of shit okay make
three check out compost I got this can I
do
well one well three people at one
counters one free check out combo I
don't know for Mia Ruth I well here I
don't want a medal but this is your
mom's real number you never know maybe
just keep it around I I need to get back
to work
well what are we waiting for
Ruth you piece of shit trained him no
Ruth no I can't look at you right now if
no you're adorable those little Apple
cheeks oh no no not gonna be like that
you Ruth knows the way to my heart right
um what is the bear do I may upgrade to
chairs
there we go - fucking for all delicious
chairs man fuck yeah let's play this
shit make three check out combos okay do
need you go into chair quicker site yes
here we go get there get that get that
book yes okay I probably should have
waited to get a check node combo with
you what I'm assuming more people are
going to come in and I can get that done
you need a fucking Gameboy oh yeah play
some Pokemon y'all oh you need to charge
it wait this is sitting in the charger
all the time yeah get your fucking
Tetris on girl oh oh ah hey hi how's it
going
cool not too bad I heard him fucking
gotcha fucking got you bitch okay I need
to wait for you to be finished though
shit she lost some hearts cuz I'm a dog
hey there's one check out combo once I
go combo in the bag the doctors coming
don't worry I got good feet of lake
through boom oh yes okay let me just
quick a sign this girl come on come on
what do you need me bearing seen bear I
got it can he lose her 20 there I don't
know something's not really going down
give me two seconds here Oliver fuck
fuck fuck check out combo boom baby
three stairs already and I'm not even
halfway into the game I got this doctor
game on lock here we go
nobody else is coming in my shifts about
to end though ok restock these fucking
inhalers ah fuck yeah ok this one's
gonna take away somebody else come in
quick quick before my shift ends yes yes
yes yes yes
I can make three check out combos now
ship finished hey you stay in my bed
there we go that doctors coming this is
a quick one quick treatment what else do
you need nothing Little Billy can go out
with his mom the two of them got a foot
infection yeah yeah I'm getting way too
into this plate cast we're dragging them
from top to bottom cut the cast by
dragging the quarter over the dotted
line okay that makes sense
what now I like the like story that's
going on in between it's so over-the-top
I know you don't really want to talk
about it but are you okay it's just not
fair I used to want nothing more than to
have a family but that just didn't
happen and now that I have everything in
order a good job a good guy hey that
when she reenters my life no I just want
to focus on my job and my relationship
it's way more important yeah
back with the motivation at least with
them I'm somewhat in control Daniel
Ellison I finally found you I'm so sorry
I left babe I'm not putting this off any
longer
oh no drama in the ER
this is night where people watch their
soaps they watch like Days of Our Lives
like I'm friends this is like that put
in game form keep Ryan hydrated well
Ryan is going to have to wait until the
next episode god drama in my pediatrics
smoke it out this is awesome I love this
it's good fun gameplay they actually
clicking on stuff and managing all your
patients as listen clients that's not
the right word managing all your
patients is really fun but also the
story that's going off in the back or as
like my life is finally in order I'm the
doctor I've always wanted to be but oh
no my mom reenters my life with Daniel
my ex-boyfriend what will happen next
time on Jack's Pediatrics PDF Jax has a
terrible joke to end off this episode on
um knock knock who's there
ended the video thank you guys so much
watch the depth sort of you liked it
punch salad but then afraid oh my god
and I played a room thanks guys that was
fairly new
what fuck was that
this is dr. sexy handsome signing off
