To be clear.
When I meet somebody, I don't initially tell
them that I'm trans.
Even when I know someone is interested in
me, I don't initially tell them that I'm trans.
When I establish a mutual thing, that's generally
when I tell them, that I'm transgender, you know?
And another layer that I didn't mention is
that going into these trans spaces, it was
also weird because people didn't, um, a lot
of men thought I was just cis girl that was
hanging up, hanging out with the Trans Club.
And because of that, they weren't very interested
in me.
[Music]
Hey guys, it's Kat and it's time for another episode of True Tea.
I want to thank you guys so much for joining
me for this video.
I really appreciate the fact that you guys
have been really leaving some fun and interesting
comments on all these videos.
I really just genuinely from the bottom of
my heart want to thank all the people who
come through every single week with a perspective.
You know, a lot of you guys challenge me.
A lot of you guys make me think, you know,
a lot of you guys drag me and you correct
me and you're telling me that I'm wrong and
I love that.
I really do appreciate it.
Um, and I've been learning so much about you
guys.
You guys have been learning so much about
me and you know, this channel for me is all
about learning, sharing and growing and I
know that it's been all over the place.
My channel's been all over the place.
I think like some people watching this video
right now might be watching this video after
watching the video essay that I just put out
about the rebranding of white nationalism,
um, and so they might be kind of like surprised
by this sort of content.
But I just wanted to thank you for sticking
around and for continuing, you know, to, to
stick with me through this video.
And if you're new, I think you guys should
subscribe.
We upload videos here at least every week.
That is the only promise that I can make.
We upload videos at least a week, every single
week here.
I think that's repetitive.
We upload videos at least once a week on this
channel.
So, hey join us, we like to learn, share and
grow here.
So anyway, we're going to be having an interesting
conversation.
Um, one that I do not know where it's going
to go.
I, you know, sometimes that's how these things
start.
So like as usual, I always suggest that you
guys go to your kitchen and grab yourself
a glass of tea.
Personally, I am drinking fermented grape
tea.
I'm drinking some wine again tonight.
I know, I know I shouldn't, I should be sober
for these videos, but I'm about to go out.
Obviously if you can't tell and you know,
I want to pre party a little bit.
You know, mommy needs her special juice.
Um, this is boxed wine.
I recently got a big thing, a box.
I've never drink boxed wine before, but when
I read on the side that it was 32 glasses
in one thing, I was like, you know what?
For $5 bitch for $5.
Look, I'm broke.
Okay, I'll take it anyway.
Let's, let's take a sip and let's get into
this conversation.
Let's say a big sip for this
mmm... tastes like box wine.
So I want to talk to you guys about something
that has been on my mind a lot recently and
one of the reasons why I want to talk about
this is because, you know, I, I know that
there are a lot of people out there who share
my experiences, but sometimes when I go through
certain things I kind of do feel very alone,
you know, and I feel like I'm in this weird,
unique, complicated, almost, um, contradictory
situation, and I really want it to sort of
share that with you guys because it's, it's
been making for some nteresting experiences
to say the least.
I wanted to talk to you guys about how passing
has made dating a little complicated for me.
Now I know that every single video I do on
this channel is about dating.
I know I keep wanting to make videos, about
other stuff that I promise you guys, I do
have more things to talk about, but, um, it's
just this is what my life is right now.
You know, I'm single in LA.
I'm cute.
You know, what do you want?
I just, I'm, I'm dating a lot and in dating
I've been thinking about a lot of stuff.
There are so many conversations within dating
and so, you know, I will be making videos
about other things.
I don't want True Tea to just be me bitching
and moaning about dating, but it is relevant
and it has been making me think a lot about
myself and different things.
Right?
So yeah, that was the disclaimer.
I have to, I have to do at least one every
true tea episode.
That was the disclaimer for this video.
So talking about passing has always been kind
of complicated.
I mean, you guys know I've been on youtube
since I was 15 years old, which means that
I transitioned on Youtube.
Now most of you guys who have been following
me, you were not around for that at all.
You know, the vast majority of you mean like
something like someone commented on my video
the other day.
It was like, I've been following you since
you were in orange county.
Um, by the time I had gotten to Orange County,
I was post transition.
So I had been, you know...
That's not when it started.
Okay.
I started, you know, way, way, way back in
my hometown and you know, I was in my room,
you know, at home and I was going through
all these things and you know, when I have
this open dialogue with Youtube early on about,
you know, my life and stuff, there wasn't
a big, like youtube wasn't what it was today.
It was very small and insular.
And you know, when I started to sort of recognize
that I was passing, I brought it to youtube
and I, you know, would have like very small
group of people who were following me come
and sort of share their opinions.
Right?
And I want to make this very clear.
Let's like just get this out of the way right
up front, just, just, just, just right away
here.
Disclaimer, number two.
Now I'm allowing you guys to get an, you know,
some sort of insight into my life and my experiences,
right?
But I want to make it very clear that I am
sharing with you guys...
Um, I am definitely at a point in life where
I don't really feel the need to like fabricate
stories or tell stories, you know, more fancifully.
Um, I understand that everyone's going to
have an opinion about my life, but understand
that my experiences are my experiences and
that's that, you know, and I'm only that up
because a lot of times when I talk about passing,
I will inevitably get the comments of, "Oh,
Kat, you know, you look just like a man.
"
"You'll look literally like I'm at.
Like, who would ever know that?
You know, you"...
"Who would ever not know that you're trans...
Like you're obviously, you know, a big old
tranny.
"You know, like that's the kind of comment
I get when I talk about passing, you know,
and I'll get, get back later to how that comment
has made me feel through being on youtube.
But I want to make it clear that even though
I got a youtube channel, even though I've,
you know, I'm not an unknown person, right?
Um, my experience is that I "pass", right?
My experience is that most people in most
spaces do not know that I am transgender.
Um, and that's not something that I, you know,
pat myself on the back for that's not something
that I think makes me amazing or whatever.
It is just my experience.
And I've always had a really hard time talking
about that with you guys because I know that
talking about the experience of a trans person
who passes, especially complaining about the
complexities of it comes off as very privileged.
And I want to say up front that I am very
privileged, you know, um, regardless of what
trolls say online about how I look, I know
that passing privilege does come with privileges.
I know that there are many ways in which my
life is easier in some ways because people
look at me, assume my gender and tend to assume
correctly.
I know that that has made my situation a little
easier, right?
But I wanted to sort of talk to you guys about
a really just interesting, weird sort of thing
I'm experiencing right now.
So disclaimer, number two!
So, um, one of the things I've always resented,
okay, is the idea that I...I've always really
resented the idea that people know my life
story based on facts about me.
You know, that means when people assume things
about me on the basis of me being a woman,
that means when people assume things about
me on the basis of me being black.
That means when people assume things about
me on the basis of me being trans, right?
So inherently as a person, I've always sort
of fought to very individually define myself
as somebody who is my own person.
Right?
I don't like having to answer for all of the
various stereotypes that are projected onto
me cause that cause at the end of the day,
those things have nothing to do with me.
Right.
Um, and with that attitude, I've definitely
lived in a way where I do not segregate myself
to certain places because of who I am.
Right?
So for example, tonight I'm going to, if you
can't tell already, I'm going to a goth club,
right?
I have in my time just kind of jumping in
and out of different scenes and sort of, you
know, figuring out where I fit and things
like that.
I've, I've recognized that I appreciate a
space, like a goth club because we're all
coming together for, you know, the shared
celebration and interest in dark music and,
you know, dark fashion.
That's kind of what a lot of us are doing.
You know, we're there for the music, right?
Which means that in that group you have a
bunch of different types of people.
You've got your trans people, you've got your
queer people, you've got your straight people,
you've got your people of color, you know,
you've got all different types of people all
coming together to celebrate one sort of thing.
And so I've never really truly been that into
going to a place because it's black going
to a place because it's trans going to place,
you know, I've never really been that sort
of person.
Okay.
Um, and so that's kind of why some of these
conversations have become interesting to me
because I've sort of recognized how much my
perspectives and experiences have been effected
by me sort of just going through life, not
feeling like I need to be push- pushing myself
into one category or another or one space
or another.
Right.
Um, so when I was younger, right, um, I didn't
quite feel this, that this way, you know,
I definitely felt this desire to have community.
This is our, to have comrade, this desire
to sort of meet other trans people and be
around people who like trans people.
Right.
And I'm going to be kind of vague about this.
I don't want the details about this aren't
important.
If you've been following me for awhile, you
probably already know about this, this, this
situation in my life.
But, um, I was in a situation where it was
pretty common for you to meet men.
Um, I was going to these parties and going
to these spaces where it's pretty common for
you to meet men who were actively interested
in transgender women.
Right?
Um, and you know, this was when I was like
18.
Okay.
So I was, you know, early stages of my transition
still sort of trying to find my sense of self.
Um, still sort of searching, right?
And in that search I want it to feel part
of a community.
Right?
And so I became part of this community and
even though a lot of aspects of that community,
were very toxic.
For me at the end of the day where I was at
that time, it definitely felt good for me
to be around people.
Right?
But in that community, you experience a lot
of really interesting things, you know, um,
because it's a space that is dominated by,
you know, uh, trans and, and femme people.
Um, and the men who like those people.
There's a lot of different little complicated
little things that happen now with the scene
that I was part of.
I would say.
And this is another conversation I want to
make it really clear that I don't think I'm
better or worse than anybody.
I just want to, there's different, there's
certain differences right.
Within this scene that I was part of.
It was definitely...
Like if there were 50 people in the room,
right?
And there, um, you know, and we could like
break it up by who's who you had, I would
say maybe like 30, 30 men who like Trans Women,
right?
30 men, you'd have like 15 people who were
anywhere from, you know, um, cross dresser
to transvestite, you know, just kind of all
these different types of who they weren't
this way, all of their lives and every space.
But they really got excited to come to this
space and be that way because that was, uh,
it's a haven for them.
It is a safe space where they can express
themselves and also, you know, be around people
who appreciate them.
Right.
And that was kind of the situation.
Right?
Um, and then you had like five, you know,
five people in that room who were probably
trans woman.
Right.
Um, and there was always this weird like competition
thing that was always happening between, you
know, the various different, you know, Trans
Feminine People, you know, um, if you got
the attention to the man that meant that you
were everything, you know, and the Trans Community,
we say fishy, you know, if a man gave, gave,
gave you attention, that meant that you were
fishy.
And I'm not gonna, we're not gonna get into
colloquialisms and problematic language in
this video.
Leave a comment about it, I'll approve it,
but we're just, um, I'm trying to be real
okay.
And in the communities, that is what we say.
We can criticize the language, but I'm gonna
still use it to talk about this topic.
So anyway, um, that's, we call it.
And so like, if a man gave you attention,
that really meant something.
And when I was younger, um, and I was so insecure
and I didn't really like myself, I really
felt like when men gave me attention that
like meant something, you know, a man expressing
interest in me.
A man expressing attraction to me.
That meant that I was the woman.
I mean, why would this man, you know, communicate
to me that was interested in me if he didn't
think that I was a woman, you know?
And that- and so it meant a lot.
And you know, and, and as I got a little older,
as I grew up, as I started to really see certain
things for what it was, I started to recognize,
and I know this is going to be a controversial
thing to say that a lot of men will fuck anything.
And so it's really silly to um, base your
worth on what a man wants to fuck.
Because even though, yes, I do agree that,
you know, the idea that men are just always
looking Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah is just not right
in this community.
These men were thirsty.
I mean, you have these guys who would talk
about, you know, they only want, you know,
the most passable, most feminine, you know,
most fishy girl in the room.
And that's not who they go after.
You know?
And that was another thing is you'd have these
men who, you know, on the one hand had all
of these high, high, high, high, high, high
standards for passing and the way that you
dress and the way that you did this.
And we did that.
Um, you know, but whether or not they actually
felt that way.
Mm.
You know, and for a lot of men who come to
these things, a lot of these men, they come
wanting to experience something with a transgender
woman.
You know, they come wanting to, to have that
experience.
And so when they walk in the room, and the
vast majority of the Trans Feminine People
There are not transgender women, I feel like
they open their minds up a little bit more
and they try to figure out, you know, what
they're doing, you know?
Um, but anyway, the men who were always in
this community, we're always kind of the same
sort of person.
You know, they were generally very discreet,
generally very down low, generally didn't
want anybody to know what they were doing
or what their interests were.
You know, these were the kinds of men who
were not comfortable with people knowing that
they had an attraction to transgender women.
Right.
And for me personally, at a certain point,
that started to become an issue because I
started to recognize that I didn't want to
have these men give me attention in this one
small, shallow space.
Um, I wanted somebody who was proud of me
in all spaces, you know, who wasn't ashamed
to be with me, you know?
And so I kind of made a decision and I can
do a whole video about down low men and things
like that you guys want.
Um, but, um, I made a decision at a certain
point in life that I was not going to deal
with those men anymore.
You know, I kinda said to myself, oh, the
man can't sit, you know, at a bar with me
and have a drink.
Why would I ever give them access to my body?
You know what I mean?
Um, and so that's kind of what the standard
that I set for myself.
That's kind of what I said.
And then once I set that standard, my relationships
in dating became better.
And that's eventually when I met my ex and
we were in a relationship for five years.
Now, the reason why this is coming up right
now for me and my life is I'm in a new, completely
different phase of life, a phase I never thought
I would ever be in.
You know, because I, in my last relationship
just swore that I was going to be married,
just swore that we were going to be monogamous
just swore that that would be my end all be
all right.
But now I'm in this completely new situation
in life and a lot of me walking away from
the previous community that I was part of
really did coincide with my, um, my goal of
being stealth.
Which for those of you guys who don't know
what stealth is, stealth is basically when
you live in a way where the people around
you do not know that you're transgender.
Right?
And so for me it was really important for
me to, to reach that.
And so part of that for me was distancing
myself from that community.
Right.
And so, um, that was sort of my experience,
right.
Um, and meeting my ex definitely sort of pushed
me further and further and further and further
and further away from associating with that
community or being part of that sort of scene.
Um, and just kind of being part of a general,
you know, normative, you know, Hetero scene.
Right.
And that was kind of just how I was it.
Right.
Um.
So now being single again, I'm, I'm in this
really interesting space where I very solidly
feel more comfortable and more at ease at
more general types of places.
You know, I guess a lot of my gay friends
would call them straight clubs and straight
bars.
You know, my friend and I, we went to um,
oh, we went to this karaoke bar and she is
bi, but definitely is a little bit, she's
like 100% way more into women.
And we went to this karaoke bar and it was
like a loud boisterous sorta thing, you know,
people were just raw, Raw Ryan.
And I'm sitting there, I've got a big old
smile on my face, I'm having a great time.
And she turns me and she says, this is far
too heterosexual.
And that's just like, but that's the sort
of space that I really feel comfortable in.
And one thing that's becoming really obvious
to me, um, you know, as you know, when I moved
to La I was, I've been able to spend more
time with some of my LGBT friends and a lot
of those people, a lot of them...
wow "Those people"...
A lot of my LGBT friends, they don't go places
that aren't LGBT.
And that's also made me think about other
layers of privilege that I have.
You know, I travel a lot.
I've never looked into, you know, LGBT accommodations.
I've never looked into whether or not a place
is or isn't accepting of someone like me because
passing has made it so that I just sort of
fade away into the background.
And people don't really think of me as anything
other than just a woman and assume that I'm
straight and it's correct, you know?
And so it's that weird thing where I'm kind
of recognizing that I kind of live in a very
different way.
You know, while yes, I may be transgender,
I'm very straight, I call myself tragically
heterosexual.
Not because being straight is like tragic,
but because it, I, I definitely put my, I
definitely live and maintain a certain space.
That is definitely, I think too, a lot of
my LGBT friends not nearly as fun.
Right.
So anyway, um, that's Kinda how I live my
life.
You know, I don't really separate myself.
Right.
And so what that has meant for me being in
Los Angeles is that I go out to these different
places.
I'm an incredibly social person, I have a
lot of friends and inevitably I meet a guy.
We flirt, we connect, you know, he asks me
out on a date, you know, I may or may not
say yes.
And then we have to have that interesting
thing.
Now the problem that I have obviously in these
spaces is that generally speaking, when men
flirt with me, when men hit on me, women ask
me out on a date.
They generally do not know that I'm transgender,
you know?
And that has been another source of a lot
of anxiety for me because I'm kind of trying
to be social.
And then in some of the places I go, they
are very geared towards dating and in some
spaces like go to, there is sort of the benefit
of, you know, we all are connected on, you
know, a website that says everything about
us.
And so I can just give somebody my website
thing and they can read that I'm trans there.
Um, you know, or it can tell them and I kind
of have a thing honestly where, because I
really don't like people making all these
assumptions about me on the basis of me being
trans, I tend to not always like I have this,
this almost automatic like thing that like,
I don't even know how to describe it, but
it prevents me from always saying that I'm
trans and it's not because I'm ashamed, but
it's just because I mean you guys have to
understand a transition when I was 16, you
know, I'm 28 now.
I don't really have, um, it's hard for me
to feel like it's a thing that needs to be
brought up.
You know?
I definitely think it's an important discussion
to have when we talk about dating and relationships
and intimacy.
I've said it before, but I do not want to
be with a man who doesn't want to like be,
he doesn't want to with a trans woman.
You know, that's not something that excites
me.
I'm a huge fan of having good sex.
So I definitely prefer to be with men who
have experience, who definitely know what
they want and know what they're doing.
I don't like to teach people I'm a very submissive
person sexually.
I don't, I'm not, you know, if you don't know
how to do it, we're not doing it.
Okay.
Um, but, but that's sort of my thing.
Right.
And then of course, when you're in that situation
where your in a more general straight space
and you're being hit on by these men and then
you're eventually telling them that you're
trans, more often than not, these men have
had no experience with transgender women.
And I definitely ended up in a place right
now, oh, this is a sermon that I can tell
another day where I really don't believe in
being with men who don't know what they want.
There's never been a time in my life where
I have given a man a chance, right.
Where I have been patient with him, open minded
with him, and I have allowed him to sort of
use me as a figuring out, you know, springboard
and it's ever been beneficial to me.
Never.
Okay.
So, that being said, I'm definitely not in
that space.
But at the same time, I do recognize that
most men have never had experiences with transgender
women.
Most men have never been in that situation.
Most men just do not know, will never know
until they know, you know?
And so I've had to sort of be a little bit
more delicate.
I've had to sort of be a little bit more thoughtful
and understand and accept that, you know,
if I have that hard standard of them only
gonna ever be with men who, who know, they
like Trans Women, that's a very, that's an
even smaller pool of people who want to date.
Right?
So I've had to learn to be a little bit patient,
right?
But to be honest with you guys, this is a
really big source of anxiety for me because
I don't like, you know what's really hurtful?
Um, it's really painful and this is something
I could talk about in another video maybe.
But like I, I've been experiencing this thing
a lot where men are attracted to me.
They love my personality, they love everything
about me.
They want to be around me.
They're eager to spend time around me.
You know, they love the little vibe or the
connection that we have, but they can't get
past the trans thing.
And when you're in that situation where you
connect with someone so much and you connect
with someone so well, but they just can't
accept you, it's soul crushing because you
see what you could have if you were cis.
Right?
And I'm never going to be cis, you know?
And so it is a little frustrating for me to
be in that situation and it's even more frustrating
when I'm in certain spaces that are, you know,
more sex positive and more kink centric because
you have these people who approach you and
they're very excited to talk to you and you
know, be a little naughty with your or whatever.
But then there's that sort of line that that
gets drawn up when they know that you're trans.
Um, and that has been really hard for me to
stomach.
And so my reaction to that has been to dip
my toes back into these trans spaces.
Now the, now here's the thing about these
trans spaces.
You know, I had been in them since I was like
21, I'm 28 right now.
And I was a very, very different person at
21, you know, 18 year old me did not know
what they wanted, did not like themselves
a lot, really had a poor self image.
Right.
Um, and because of that, allowed themselves
to get into a lot of things that were probably
not the best for them.
Okay.
And so, um, that's sort of where I started
and that is my memory of the space.
And so a lot of my memories of how the girls
interact with each other are very much influenced
by that.
You know, now I'm 28 years old, I've already
proven to myself that I deserve love and respect
that, you know, it is possible for me to maintain
a relationship and that I have more to offer
to a man than some discreet, you know, back
alley sex, you know.
Um, and so I walk into this community with
a sense of pride and a sense of self security
and it's a very different world.
It's a very, very different world.
The first way in which it's super, super different
is a lot of spaces that I, um, that I frequent
are very consent driven, are very consent
centric.
You know, when I'm at, you know, sort of a
naughty kinky party, right?
That's more of a general sort of space of
people, which by general usually very straight,
right.
Um, it's really understood that you don't
just walk up and touch somebody, you know,
that's like a really hard line understood
thing.
You know, men do not just walk up and touch
women.
That's just not something that is accepted.
Right.
But in these trans spaces....
Let me tell you, I mean I walk in and guys
are grabbing at my, I don't even know who
the hell you are, sir.
So I don't know you.
But men are like grabbing onto my my arm and
shit and I got to push people away from me.
Um, you know, it's a lot of that energy, and
the thing that's so messed up about that is
that in that community, a lot of these people,
and I know this sounds like shade, but if
you're trans, I know you, you know what I'm
talking about.
A lot of these people, they are so stuck in
this idea that their bodies are what they
have to offer.
That the sex someone has to offer them as
validation that they are so eager to respond.
And I'll be completely honest, and you guys,
this is going to sound so mean, but like the
quality of men in those spaces...
Not great.
Not, not saying that there aren't awesome
guys in those spaces, but like not great.
These are usually men again who are discreet,
right, who are um, you know, very...shifty.
You know, often these guys are like married
and stuff, you know?
Um, but you see these girls like push other
girls out of the way just to know, make sure
that they get the attention.
And for a lot of men, especially a lot of
straight men, they're never in a situation
where they walk in a room and women are just
like, you know, that's not, that's not the
general thing.
You know women, typically cis women, are usually
pretty protective of their bodies and therefore
aren't going to just throw themselves at any
guy who sort of gives them attention.
But that's not really the case in these spaces.
And so that was really jarring for me to observe
because that's definitely not where I am.
You know, I'm not gonna bend over backwards
for a guy.
It's just not what I'm going to do, you know?
And even at these spaces, like I know this
might shock you, but like the girls are so
catty.
But like, like any, yes, cis women are catty
with each other.
Yes.
That's a thing.
But it's like a weird, it's a little different
because I definitely... and this is another
conversation we can have, because one thing
I'm noticing with girl, I'm 28 years old.
Okay.
And one thing I don't believe in doing any
more in life is competing with women for a
man.
Girl.
I'm just so beyond that, I'm just, oof, that's
a whole other conversation because I do experience
that energy among, you know, with cis women,
you know, when I'm in, you know, a more general
sort of space.
Like yes, there's sometimes is that vibe.
Yes.
Or sometimes it is, but it's a very different
thing with trans women because it's this like
almost degree of rudeness.
Like, like I was just out of things the other
night where I was talking to this guy and
this girl like basically pushes me out of
the way and you know, gives him attention
because I was definitely being very reserved
because I'm not just gonna like throw myself
at a guy just because he's there, you know,
he was probably a little bit more excited
for the girl who was throwing herself at,
at, at, you know him.
Than he was with me and so he went off.
But it was like so rude.
Like as a thing that like I wouldn't really
experience, you know, in a more heterosexual
space I guess you could say is, I mean, or
I don't even know how to describe, I guess
I say heterosexual space isn't the right term,
but you know what I mean, like a non trans
centric space.
Like that's not really something I would experience,
you know, um, very, very different.
And so the energy, right.
And the few times I've actually connected
with a guy in those spaces, we start talking
and they're all discreet.
And you know, when I was younger and I didn't,
I didn't look as cute as I do now.
Um, I think I had a little bit more patience
for men who were in that position.
I think I had a little bit more, a little
bit more understanding of men in that position.
But now it's like, I, I know I've said this
like five times in this video, but like, I'm
cute, you know, so...
And not just to say I'm cute, but I'm very
used to going out, you know, like I'm super
used to going to dinner, going to movies.
You know, going to events, meeting your meeting
people's friends, like I'm used to that, that,
that is my normal, my normal is not being
someone's secret play thing.
My normal is going out.
Not having people not being with people that
are ashamed with me.
I'm, I, I, I'm a very social person and it,
but like this got me thinking a lot because
I think some of those girls in those spaces,
because maybe there aren't they, they're not
in the same spaces that I'm in.
I think that they accept that.
They accepted that the discrete guy who's
not really wanting to do that.
Whereas I've definitely kind of got to a point
where I was like, I'm not gonna put up with
that.
You know?
And it made me really think about what reality
must be like for people who keep themselves
in those spaces, who say that they need to
remain in a trans space and not go into a
more general space.
Like they, they have this thing that prevents
them from actually understanding that they
deserve to also be treated with respect and
take it out if that's what they want.
You know?
Um, because, you know, when I was younger,
I would often go to these, these, these trans
parties thinking I was going to find the man
of my dreams, thinking I was going to fall
in love with someone, you know?
And that just never happened because these
men weren't there for that.
These men were there because they wanted to
have a transgender experience.
Um, and a lot of those men, they compartmentalize
it and they don't really want you in any other
space in their life.
You know, they don't really want you to be
the girl they see at the bar.
They don't really want you to be the girl
that they take to the movies.
The girl that they take to dinner, they want
to be the, they want you to be the girl who
they have sex with and fulfill their little
kink on the side, you know, that's who they
want.
Um, and I know that I'm d-... like I know
that I'm privileged and I know that passing
gives me the privilege for men to feel more
comfortable taking me out and things like
that.
I do understand that, but I, I do wonder to
some degree if those girls also said, hey,
I deserve to be treated with respect because
the way these girls act around these guys,
it's like they are just the cream of the crop
and they're not, they're not, you know, again,
like a lot of these guys are married, cheating,
you know, doing all types of shady shit.
They would never- like, it's weird cause like,
and I'm saying that because I've had, I've
connected with like three different dudes
from, from these parties, you know, recently
and every last one of them when I say, hey,
we should get a drink sometime it's just like,
oh, um, uh....
You know, they don't want to do it because
they're discreet, you know?
And for me it's, it's interesting because
I have a lot of confidence in what I look
like.
I have a lot of confidence in my passing ability
or whatever.
Um, that I know that it's kind of irrational
for them to think that they're going to take
me out on a date and everyone's gonna be looking
at them.
You know, cause there was a trans person,
like that's not a real fear, but it's real
to them, you know, it's real to them.
Um, and that makes it really kind of frustrating
for me.
You know, so I'm in that, this weird sort
of space where being in the places that I,
I socialize inherently, you know, I'm going
to meet a lot of people who find me attractive,
who, who do think I'm interesting, who do,
you know, probably want to pursue something
with me that, that don't know that I'm transgender,
but have to like work themselves up to accepting
that I'm trans, you're right.
So the people who are willing to give me the
sort of treatment that I deserve and that
I kind of demand, those are people that I'm
going to have to work through towards helping
accept me.
And if there's one thing I, I would hope you
guys have picked up through these videos is
that I don't do not believe and convincing
somebody that I'm worth it as this, I'm super
allergic to that.
Sorry.
You know, super allergic to it.
Can't do it.
Didn't get the vaccine, not gonna, you know...
Not going to do that.
You know, I just really, I don't want to put
up with that, you know?
Um, I don't believe in trying to convince
somebody that I'm worth it.
So it's that weird thing that I have to do
when I'm in those spaces.
But then on the flip side, if I'm with these
men who like trans women, generally speaking,
they're going to be discreet.
They're gonna to be afraid of people knowing
that they're like a trans person.
You know?
I mean, in reality, you know, the only real
fear someone has to have with going out with
me in terms of me getting clocked is that
I'm a relatively well known trans blogger.
You know, that's, that's truly the only fear.
That's genuinely the only real thing they
would have to be nervous about is like someone
recognizing me.
But I wouldn't want to date somebody like
that.
I don't want to date somebody who was like
worried about people not liking my blog.
You know what I mean?
Like it's weird.
I would rather not.
Um, but yeah, I want to show that with you
guys because it's just, it's put me in a really
weird situation because I don't want to date
or be around people.
I got to convince I'm allergic to it.
Don't want to do it.
At the same time, dating men who do like Trans
Woman, it, it presents a whole list of issues
that I don't even want to deal with anymore,
you know?
Um, and you know, to be fair, I'm kind of
over dating.
I made a mistake of undeleting my okcupid
page...
It's been nothing but...
It's been nothing but drama.
And so now it's deleted and probably for good.
So,
yeah.
Anyway, I really would love to hear what you
guys have to say about this.
I know that sometimes when I talk about passing,
I talk about this.
It's not um, a narrative that a lot of people
can identify with.
But this is like a weird place that I'm in
in life and I just, I don't know.
I would really like to know what you guys
think because to be clear, when I meet somebody,
I don't initially tell them that I'm trans.
Even when I know someone is interested in
me, I don't initially tell them that I'm trans.
When I establish a mutual thing, that's generally
what I tell them that I'm transgender, you
know.
And another layer that I didn't mention is
that going into the trans spaces, it was also
weird because people didn't, um, lot of men
thought I was just cis girl that was hanging
out, hanging out at the Trans Club and because
of that they weren't very interested in me.
That was the, that's the one thing I saw so
clearly this time around was that these men
are there for trans women.
Okay.
They aren't even really that interested in
like the few because there are sometimes a
few cis girls in that space, they want a trans
girl.
And so it was that weird sort of feeling of
feeling almost a little invisible in this
space that's supposed to be for trans people.
And then at the same time over here in the
space as I generally, you know, populate feeling
like I'm this complex thing that has to be
explained and then accepted, you know, and
I don't really like either of these feelings
or experiences.
So I'm curious if anyone has had to, you know,
navigate around this.
This is truly one of those, those conversations
where I do, I would really just love to read
the comments on this because I, there have
to be other people who had been my situation.
You know, where I am now in life.
It's like I just can't justify being in those
sorts of spaces to be honest.
Um, I feel like an intruder in most queer
spaces... maybe we can do a whole video about
that at another, at another point.
But yeah, so I don't populate them very frequently,
you know what I mean?
So I don't know.
Anyway, I need to go.
Thank you guys so much for watching this video.
I really appreciate you sticking through to
the end right now.
You guys are seeing two awesome, true tea
videos that you can watch after this video.
If you want to stick on this channel and keep
watching true t, you know, we talk about a
lot of fun and interesting and weird things
here and always remember that you guys can
always leave, you know, a suggestion for a
topic.
If you guys have a suggestion, I do listen...
sometimes.
So yeah, I will talk to you guys next week.
Bye.
