THANKS AGAIN FOR HELPING ME GET
TO WORK.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
>> NO, NO PROBLEM, JAMES.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
SO WHAT ARE WE LISTENING TO THIS
TIME?
>> James: YEAH, NO I THINK
WE'RE GOOD.
I DON'T THINK I NEED TO LISTEN
TO ANY PLUSSIC.
WE SORT OF ALREADY DID THAT.
>> NO, I GET IT.
ARE YOU WORRIED BECAUSE I
OUTSHOWN YOU LAST TIME.
>> James: YOU DID NOT OUTSHINE
ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> OH, I THINK I DID.
>> James: I'M SORRY, WITH ALL
DUE RESPECT, GK, I'M BRITISH.
THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO THAT
WE CAN'T DO BETTER, OKAY.
>> OH YEAH.
LIKE WHAT, EXACTLY?
>> James: FOR A START, MUSIC.
THE BEATLES, THE ROLLING STONE,
LED ZEPPELIN, ADELE, TAKE THAT?
>> WHO?
>> James: YES, THE WHO, THAT
IS A GOOD ONE, OKAY, WE WHY,
THIS' A GOODS ONE YNS ONE WORD,
WE YONS, STEVIE WONDER, BOB
DYLAN, PRINCE.
>> James: OKAY, I FORGOT ABOUT
AM EM THIS, WE ARE BETTER AT
SPORTS.
>> I DON'T THINK THAT IS TRUE,
AND IF IT IS, YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
>> James: OH T IS ON.
>> IT'S ON.
>> James: OH, IT'S ON.
>> IT'S ON.
>> James: IT IS ON.
>> IT IS ON.
>> James: YEAH T IS SO ON YOU
DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW HON TON IS,
IT IS SO ON.
>> ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I AM
THINKING.
>> James: YEAH, I AM, I'M
THINKING EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE
THINKING.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING DODGEBALL.
>> THE STAGE IS SET, A
HEAD-TO-HEAD FACEOFF BETWEEN
MICHELLE OBAMA'S TEAM U.S.A. AND
JAMES CORDEN TEAM U.K., WE'LL
DETERMINE ONCE AND FOR ALL WHICH
COUNTRY IS BETTER.
IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE.
>> James: I'VE CALLED SOME OF
MY BEST FRIENDS TO HELP ME OUT
AND I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT THAT
TEAM U.K. IS GOING TO-- I DON'T
WANT TO SAY DEMOLISH TEAM U.S.A.
BUT WE ARE GOING TO DEMOLISH
TEAM U.S.A.
>> I HAVE MADE SOME CALLS.
AND LET'S JUST SAY THAT THIS
TEAM IS GOING TO EAT THEM FOR
BREAKFAST.
FOR BREAKFAST.
THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE
DAY.
♪
♪ YOU WOULD NOT PLEEF HOW EASY
IT WAS TO IMET PEOPLE TO DO,
THIS ALL I HAD TO SAY WAS YOU'RE
GOING TO THROW A BALL AT JAMES
CORDEN.
GOING TO THROW A BALL AT JAMES
CORDEN.
♪.
>> JAMES, WHEN MICHELLE O OBAMA
CALLS AND ASKS YOU TO DO
ANYTHING, YOU JUST SAY YES.
>> WHEN JAMES CORDEN CALLS YOU,
YOU INITIALLY IGNORE THE CALL.
THEN HE KEEPS CALLING YOU.
AND THEN STARTS TEXTING SAYING
HEY, DID YOU GET MY CALL.
AND THEN HE SHOWS UP AT YOUR
HOUSE.
YOUR WORK.
YOUR HAIRDRESSER.
YOUR PILATES CLASS.
AND YOUR SHOWER.
>> IT'S THE RED, WHITE AND BLUE
VERSUS ALSO RED, WHITE AND BLUE
BUT WITH A DIFFERENT PATTERN.
>> I'M THINKING WE SHOULD
PROBABLY DO LIKE SHIRTS VERSUS
SKINS BECAUSE OTHERWISE IT MIGHT
GET CONFUSING, WITHOUT LIKE
WHOSE TEAM AM I ON?
I MEAN IT COULD GO EITHER WAY
OR, YOU KNOW, HARRY, COULD YOU
PROBABLY-- HARRY, YOU WANT TO BE
SKINS?
DO YOU NEED HELP?
YOU WANT TO JUST STRIP THAT TOP
OFF.
>> IT WAS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE
PRETENDING THAT I'M A PLAYING
FOR YOU GUYS BUT I'M NOT,
BECAUSE I'M FROM THE U.S.A.
>> James: YOU DON'T FEEL
COMFORTABLE.  MAYBE WOULD YOU
FEEL COMFORTABLE IF YOU WEREN'T
ON ANY TEAM, MAYBE YOU WOULD
FEEL COMFORTABLE IF YOU WEREN'T
THE BAND LEADER ON OUR SHOW,
SUCK IT UP, YOU ARE BRITISH, GET
ON BOARD WITH IT.
>> I GOT YOU.
>> James: THANK YOU.
>> WELL, HELLO GUFFER IN, CAN'T
WAIT TO GET ME MITTENS ON.
OH BLIMEY.
>> James: OKAY, OKAY, YOU
MIGHT WANT TO DIAL IT DOWN JUST
A LITTLE BIT.
THAT IS SLIGHTLY OFFENSIVE.
>> SO I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE
IS THE NET, WHERE IS THE NET.
>> NO, THERE IS NOT GOING TO BE
A NET.
THERE IS NO NET IN DOW JONES
BEUL.
IT IS A NETLESS GAME.
>> WHO IS THE QUARTERBACK, ARE
YOU THE QUARTERBACK?
>> NO, IT IS AGAIN A GREAT
QUESTION THERE IS NO DUMB
QUESTIONS, USUALLY.
BUT THAT'S A DIFFERENT SPORT.
>> HOW ARE YOU FEELING, BUDDY,
READY, READY TO DO THIS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I AM THINKING,
GAME OF DODGEBALL, IMAIM OF
DODGEBALL, IMAIM OF DODGE IMAWL,
GAME OF DODGEBALL, GAME OF
DODGEBALL, SEE T IS THE "GAME OF
THRONES."
>> YEAH.
>> James: WE'RE GOING TO LOSE,
AN WE.
>> I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM
PROUD OF EACH AND EVERY ONE OF
YOU.
STRENGTH IS FLOT MEASURED ON HOW
YOU THROW THE BALL.
IT IS MEASURED IN HERE.
>> AMEN.
>> WHEN THEY GO LOW, WE ALSO GO
LOW.
>> OH.
>> CUZ THAT'S HOW DODGEBALL
WORKS, AM I RIGHT?
RIGHT.
>>.
>> IT'S HARD TO SAY WHO GOING TO
WIN THIS ONE, WHO AM I KID, OF
COURSE WE'RE GOING TO WIN T IS
MICHELLE, MICHELLE OBAMA.
WE'RE WINNERS.
AND THE LAND OF THE FREE.
♪ AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE.
(APPLAUSE).
♪ HAPPY AND GLORIOUS.
♪ GOD SAVE OUR QUEEN.
♪ YES, YES!
♪ EVERYBODY U.S. READY.
>> YES.
>> U.K. READY.
>> YES.
>> AND THEY'RE OFF, McCARTHY
DIVES ON THE BALL, HARRY STYLES
LOOKING FOR HIS FIRST TARGET.
OH, AND CUMBERBATCH WITH A CUM
BERCATCH.
THIS IS WIDE, NO HIT, SHERLOCK.
AND DOWN GOES BIG BEN.
OBAMA DODGES THAT BALL LIKE IT
IS SATURATED FAT.
OH, PICKS OFF CORDEN.
JANUARYING TAKES ONE IN THE LEG,
DIRECT HIT, REGGIE WATTS IMOAS
DOWN HARD, HE IS REALLY MILKING
THIS, HARRY STYLES SO LOW, ALL
OVER AGAIN.
OBAMA WINDS UP AND RIGHT IN THE
ONSIE.
AND THAT'S THE SHOT HEARD ROUND
THE WORLD.
TEAM U.S.A. TAKES IMAIM ONE.
HE IS GOING TO FEEL THAT IN IN
THE MORNING.
TEAM U.S.A. RIDING HIGH.
LET'S SEE HOW THE BRITISH ARE
GOING TO REGROUP.
>> YOU KNOW, IT REALLY IS, IT IS
A REALLY GOOD GAME.
IT IS A SMASHING GAME.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS-- DOUGH
BALL, I HOUT WE WERE THROWING
DOUGH.
>> OH BENEDICT, YOU HAVEN'T GOT
A TEA, CAN I GET YOU A TEA,
DARLING.
>> I WOULD LOVE ONE, I'M
PARCHED.
>> TIME FOR GAME TWO WHERE THE
U.K. WILL TRY TO EVEN THINGS UP
WITH TEAM U.S.A.
>> THE U.K. ON THOSE BALLS LIKE
JAM ON CRUMPETS.
THAT BALL KNOWS NOT TO MESS WITH
THE FIRS LADY.
HARRY WINDS UP AND NAILS
McCARTHY.
NAILED BY STYLES.
DREAMS DO COME TRUE.
>> YES.
>> MICHELLE TAKES A SHOT BUT
IT'S GONE AND JUST LIKE THAT SHE
IS OUT OF OFFICE.
HERE IS JANUARYIE TAUNTING THE
BRITISH PLAYERS.
AND A DIRECT HIT BY WATTS.
AN ABSOLUTE FLOP FOR THE U.K
DOWN GOES HUDSON.
HITS WATTS IN THING WILL AND
ANOTHER ONE, THEY'RE REALLY
PILING ON THE HURT.
AMERICANS DO NOT LIKE A TRAITOR.
AIMS FOR CORDEN AND HE'S OUT,
NO, WAIT, AN AMAZING SAVE, DOWN
GOES KUNIS AND THEY TAKE GAME
TWO, EVEN AT A IMAIM A PIECE.
CAPTAIN CORDEN AND HIS TEAM
REALLY SAVORING THIS ONE WITH
JOHN BRADLEY CELEBRATING LIKE
THEY JUST KILLED A.
>> LOOK HOW CHILDISH.
>> TEAM U.S.A. HAS TO MUSTER
SOMETHING UP FOR GAME THREE.
>> I WANT TO DO THIS.
MI GOING TO DO THIS.
>> I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
>> I JUST WANT TO MAKE YOU
PROUD.
>> I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE
SO WOULD YOU MIND.
>> OH, SURE.
>> I WOULD BE HONORED.
>> YOU PROBABLY WANT ME TO
AUTOGRAPH THIS ONE.
>> ARE YOU TOO EMBARRASSED TO
ASK.
>> NOT REALLY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> U ARE SA AMAZING.
>> I'M HAPPY TO DID IT.
>> OH OF COURSE.
>> TRAITOR, THE LOT OF YOU.
>> IT ALL COMES DOWN TO A THIRD
AND FINAL GAME.
WILL TEAM U.K. KEEP CALM AND
CARRY ON OR WILL TEAM U.S.A.
REDECLARE ITS INDEPENDENCE.
WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
>> OFF TO EYE QUICK START, WATT
IMMEDIATELY TAKES OUT
McCARTHY.
CUMBERBATCH WITH A DIRECT HIT.
HE'S LOOKING GUILTY ABOUT THAT
ONE.
YOU CAN PROBABLY EXPECT A VISIT
FROM THE SECRET SERVICE LATER.
STYLES NAILS KUNIST AND SHE IS
IN ABSOLUTE SHOCK.
WATT APPEARS TO BE FEELING THE
EFFECT OF HIS PREGAME GUMMI.
HUDSON GOES IN FOR THE KILL.
JOHN BADLY TAKES ONE TO THE BACK
AND NOW HIS WATCH HAS ENDED.
CORDEN NAILS HUDSON BUT JAYNEIE
GETS REVENGE AND HE IS SERIOUS,
CORDEN MOT TAKING THAT
GRACELY-- GRACEFULLY.
CUMBERBATCH THE LAST ONE STAYING
FOR TEAM U.K. IT IS A TWO ON
ONE.
OH, THERE IT IS.
THE FINAL SHOT.
RAISE THE FLAG, RELEASE THE BALD
EAGLEK TEAM U.S.A. IS YOUR
DODGEBALL CHAMPION!
ULTIMATELY THE SUPERIOR
ATHLETICISM OF MICHELLE O OBAMA
TEAM U.S.A. WAS TOO MUCH TO
HANDLE FOR THE BRITS.
>> HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOSE.
>> AND JUST LIKE THAT THE TEAM
FROM THE U.K. BREXIT THEIR
CHANCE AT GLORY.
(APPLAUSE)
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.
ONE TEAM ENTERING THE AMALS OF
SPORTS HISTORY AND ANOTHER TO BE
FORGOTTEN FOREVER.
HISTORY REPEATING AS THE U.S.A.
DE CLEARS VICTORY OVER THE U.K.
>> James: AT THE END OF THE
DAY WE SHOWED KIDS THAT EXERCISE
CAN BE FUN, THAT IS THE BIG
THING, HONESTLY, I CAN'T EVEN
REMEMBER WHO WON OR LOST.
>> OH NO, NO YOU I LOST, WE WON.
>> James: HAVE I NO IDEA IF
THAT IS EVEN FREU.
>> NO, IT'S TRUE.
>> James: NOBODY KNOWS.
>> YEAH, WE KNOW, YOU LOST.
ED.
WE WON.
IT'S OKAY.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: THANK YOU, THANK YOU
TO MICHELLE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY
ELSE.
BE SURE TO CHECK OUT HER BOOK
"BECOMING" WHICH SOWT RIGHT NOW.
WHEN WE COME BACK, TOM HANKS AND
GILLIAN ANDERSON ARE GOING TO BE
HERE, COME BACK, EVERYBODY.
(APPLAUSE)
