

Tara's Forgotten Son

Lana Mowdy

Published by Lana Mowdy at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Lana Mowdy

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Tara's Forgotten Son

Chapter 1

There she was. His mother, Scarlett, was looking more frail and pallid than  
he had ever seen or could imagine.

Wade knew when he received a telegram from his sister that he had to come quickly. But this sight was beyond anything his mind had conjured while waiting anxiously on the train. He had never expected to see his mother like this. He knew that no matter where she might go, Tara would always be her home. Whenever she felt sad or lonely she would return, and now, in her hour of sickness, she had requested that she  
be brought home.

Mother, who had always been so healthy, energetic, and determined, looked weak. Her, once, jet black hair lay limp and tangled around her timid, lifeless face. Her green eyes that had always scared him just a little were closed when he walked into the room. Even her small, delicate hands which had been so powerful when they chose to strike now lay shriveled on the bed. Although he was a grown man, and this was his house, he feared going near her, in case she might wake.

As he quietly laid down his valise, he looked around the room. He had restored Tara to the way it had once looked before the war, but this room was prepared especially for his mother. The heavy emerald green velvet curtains were tied back so the lace sheers could sway lightly with the breeze from the open window. From her bed, she could see the magnificent rows of cotton, the trees, and garden through the picture window. On one table, a large vase stood erect, holding dozens of freshly gathered magnolias, with smaller crystals holding camellias surrounding it. On every table around the room lay varieties of camellias, gathered from Rhett's beloved Dunmore Landing, and brought especially for her.

Scarlett looked tiny and frail against her green satin sheets. Her huge canopy bed engulfed her shrinking body, and she shivered coldly beneath her large velvet coverlet, fringed with golden bobs. Even the pale pink wallpaper with rose colored flowers did not highlight the flush in her cheeks as it had so many times before. She lay there, motionless, with only the gentle movement of her chest as evidence that she still had  
life within her.

Ever so gingerly, Wade sank into a velvety plush chair, and quietly released a  
long breath that he had been holding since he walked into the room. As her eyes began to open so slightly, fear gripped his heart. Without warning, suddenly Scarlett's eyes flickered open. Wade remained seated, emotionless. Her eyes had not changed. They were true green without a hint of hazel. Her eyes seemed to take on the shape of cat's eyes and they reflected her feelings so genuinely. However, at this moment, the look in her eyes was intriguing. He had not seen this look before, and it baffled him. Although he had seen her display a wide array of emotion, this one was unfamiliar, and although it seemed to drawn him to her, the look was disconcerting. As quickly as the fear began, it suddenly turned to agony as he saw the look in eyes.  
Hopelessness.

He began to study her more closely and saw that the fine lines around her  
eyes had become definitely more pronounced since he had seen her last. Around her mouth were distinct laugh lines, and small freckles had scattered across her nose. Her swanlike neck was covered with loose skin as if it had grown too big for her body. But, of course she had not lost her sense of fashion as her folded down covers revealed a creamy satin nightgown trimmed with lace around the daringly low neckline and wrists. Wade fought the urge to reach over and pull the covers over her revealing bed dress.

In her hand, she held a locket, and though he had seen it many times before, he felt the need to pry it from her fingers, and lay eyes on the images inside. Those images would revive his contempt for her. They would remind him of all the pain and misery she had caused during his life. Those images would drive out the pity and sadness that he felt and would revive his jealous passion which had fueled so many decisions during his life, most of which had detrimental repercussions. On one side of the locket was a picture of Rhett Butler, whom she had loved for so long, and on the other, a picture of Cat, her daughter with Rhett, whom she obviously loved far more than her other two children. Those two pictures reminded him of the years he had spent wondering where she was, silently pleading for her affection, and seeing that affection lavishly granted to another child.

After years of setting up boundaries around his heart when dealing with his mother, Wade knew that down deep, she still pulled the strings. She still had control and she could see his vulnerability. For years, she had instilled fear in him as he clung to her for protection, and though he fought for many years to break the bonds that hold a child to its mother, he could feel himself being drawn to her.

He reminded himself that in her hand she held what was most dear to her. That locket held her dearest memories and her most important affairs. He had never been her favorite, and he had felt the sting of her abandonment many times.

Almost as if she could read his mind, without a word, she reached her empty hand to him. His eyes followed her movement, but rather than submit to her unspoken request, he stared at her hand, immobile. His lips quivered involuntarily at the irony of the situation. Now, she held out a hand to him. After years of yearning for her comfort and pleading for her affection, she reached out to him, not with armfuls of gifts and trinkets, but an empty hand. What could she want from him that he could possible give?

Within his mind, a battle raged. Eternal love for his mother battled the hardened crust around his heart. Jealousy raged as he looked at her other hand which held her heart's desire. How he longed to be a piece of her heart, but years of desertion nurtured bitterness within his mind. He tried to consider her a business partner for he had become a shrewd businessman, but his business tactics were no match for hers, and he knew it. He had no control over her, and to open his heart to her opened him up to personal scrutiny. Too many times he had reached to her in faith, giving her the power to devastate his very being.

But, maybe, just this once...

He reached out to her, carefully, slowly, anxiously on guard. Still perplexed by the strange look in her eye, he was startled when he heard her voice which sounded sweetly angelic.

Scarlett clung to his hand, the moment she felt it within hers. She felt that his hands were cold and trembling. Instantly, regret and frustration flooded her mind. For just an instant she was sidetracked from the words she had so carefully rehearsed over the past few months. She had spent so much of her life reminding herself to never look back, lest she become overcome with grief. But she knew that she had to look back, now. This was her last chance to save what mattered most. Only looking back could secure her future, and she knew that her plan would be successful. She had to concentrate, fight back the irritation that she had so often felt with Wade's timidity, and speak the words that she knew she had to say.

"Wade, my darling, do you remember...?

Chapter 2

Wade did remember...

The first two years of Wade Hampton Hamilton's life were quite uneventful and rather hard to remember. Vague feelings of safety surrounded him when he thought of those days, and he had good reason to associate pleasant feelings with that part of his life. For the most part, he was loved and pampered by everyone around him. If he whimpered, Aunt Melly held him gently and rocked him to sleep, and the big, strong arms of Rhett Butler held him on occasion.

Very soon, though, those feelings of security faded away. It seemed as if within days, the people that had once pampered him were suddenly occupied. Ladies that had always spoken softly and moved gracefully were suddenly filled with anxiety. They ran around quickly with stern faces, and sharp voices. The look in their eyes relayed their uneasiness as they darted around, carefully observing strangers and shrieking in the midst of danger.

Whispers began to drift through the air, "The Yankees are headed this way, but they will never break through Johnston's lines to Atlanta." Wade's tiny ears perked. "Did you hear about what the Yankees did in Richmond? I heard that they slaughtered the women and children as they ransacked the city." Wade scooted himself back into the corner of the room where ladies had gathered by candlelight to prepare bandages. Without being noticed, he sat quietly listening to tales of brave cavaliers fighting the monsters that ravaged through the great Southern states. Wade soon learned more of war, death, and the Yankees than a young child should ever know. Listening to these conversations conjured images in his mind of devilish looking men that would only partake in evil doings. Yankees murdered friends and numerous Southern men. They enjoyed the massacre of women, and laughed when they ran their swords through young, blond-haired little boys.

Late at night, when the women who had been working hard all day, finally fell into bed at night, he would lie awake in his room. He could hear the explosions far in the distance, and when he listened very hard, he could hear the screams of the soldiers as they fell. He could hear the battle cry of the Confederate soldiers as they rushed to meet the Yankee soldiers, swords drawn and pistols loaded. In his mind, he could picture the battle raging just a few miles to the north of Atlanta, seeing the sneers on the Yankee faces as they tried to plow through the Confederate lines. When he closed his eyes, he could see the Confederate soldiers walking into Atlanta, bleeding and wounded. At night his mind screamed with terror, waking from a nightmare filled with Yankees coming toward him to run their sword through his belly, but no one could hear him. He sobbed quietly in his bed, unable to verbalize his fear.

Soon, his nightmare came became reality. Crouching on Aunt Pitty's porch, Wade peered through the rails to see a vision more horrifying than he had imagined. Soldiers were pouring onto Peachtree Street, holding each other to keep from falling as blood gushed from wounds. As they passed by him, he saw sun scorched faces and bloody, tattered uniforms. Hoarse voices cried, "Water! Can I please have some water?" as his mother and the other women of the house dispensed water as quickly as they could and wrapped wounds trying to stop the bleeding. Blood seemed to flow through the middle of the street as wounded soldiers continued to pour into town. The scorching summer sun beat down on the miserable scene, testing the courage and strength of those caring for the soldiers.

Through the wails of the dying, he heard his mother's voice, "Go to the back yard, Wade. Go play!", but he was too terrorized to move. What if there were Yankees in his backyard? His mother was here. She could protect him from the coming destruction. He continued to stare, mesmerized by the scene before him, sucking his thumb as silent tears ran down his face. There was no calming himself as he sat staring bleakly as the sun began to fade deep into the night, always keeping an eye on his mother.

Years later, as he looked back on that day, he remembered his sudden onset of hiccups that sometimes lasted for days. When he became frightened or nervous, he would begin to hiccup, and he could not stop until he calmed down by convincing himself that the nightmare would end and the safety would return. However, the terror of this day did not end. These memories lived in his nightmares until he was a grown man, and the hiccups continued to plague him. Innocence of youth was lost at such a young age, and he felt the sting of adulthood too quickly.

Although the bombing slowed at points, it continued for days. With each shell drop, Wade clung to his mother's skirts, trembling uncontrollably. He tried desperately to stay silent, but every nerve in his body prickled with terror. Against his will, his throat released whimpers and tiny screams until his mother could take it no longer and she sent him away to nestle himself in a corner, wrapping his tiny arms around himself.

Even Aunt Melly could no longer let him sit on her lap and snuggle. Most days, she stayed in bed, tired, pale, and quiet. He would sneak in at times just to be near her. Her weak voice sang through the room as he heard her say, "Come sit with me, darling, and I will sing to you. Rest with me, dear, for you shall soon have rooms filled with pastries and jams." She would let him climb onto the bed and lay in her arms as she sang him to sleep. However, as soon as mother came in to the room, she sent him to the backyard to play, without seeing him. Reluctantly, he left after studying her face, chiseled with worry and fatigue. He ran from her presence to his secret hiding place. Under the back porch, he had been exploring one day, and found a small hole. He could barely fit inside, but it was a safe, warm place. He could lie there very quietly and pretend that the bombs were soft, pattering raindrops. The walls were cabinets lined with more food than his young mind knew the names of. He could remember good food, milk, and security. He pictured Aunt Melly rocking him to sleep and his mother's soft face as she laid him in his crib.

After a few hours hiding in his cave under the porch, he couldn't stand thinking of the food any longer. He climbed the long steps to the kitchen where the few servants that remained were huddling. He made his way back up the stairs and peered inside Aunt Melly's room. Although his mind was well developed, his speech was hindered from fright and lack of companionship. "Wade hungry," were the only words that he could find as he reached his mother and called to her from behind Aunt Melly's door. He peeked inside to the dark room. He could tell something was terribly wrong. Aunt Melly was lying in the bed with her enormous belly. Mother was talking incessantly about nothing, but when she saw Wade's shape in the doorway, she started to follow him. Aunt Melly begged Scarlett to stay and sent Prissy to feed him.

After another meal of hominy, he went to his room, feverishly frightened. The bombs were still exploding, seemingly outside his window, Mother could not be reached, and now Aunt Melly was ill. It seemed as if the whole world had come to an end, and although he did not understand his own fleeting mortality, he understood the severity of the situation. He laid there and quietly cried himself to sleep, dreaming of Yankees, trying to fight them alone.

Suddenly, without warning, a screaming voice could be heard below his window. As he listened to his mother hysterically sobbing, Prissy came into his room to try and get him dressed, but he fought her with everything in him. He held to her skirts, hiccupping, refusing to cooperate, listening for his mother's voice. Scarlett suddenly appeared in the doorway, ordering them downstairs. Behind him, he could see Uncle Rhett's shadow. He immediately felt calm, knowing that they were no longer alone. As he followed Prissy downstairs his hiccups subsided, and he nestled himself in the wagon beside his Aunt Melly and her new little baby.

Mercifully, he could never remember the events that followed. He laid his head in Prissy's lap, closing his eyes, and pretending he was in his safe place under the porch. Even at the sound of explosions, he envisioned fireworks and as the flames licked so near that he could feel the heat, he thought of being cuddled near the fireplace at Aunt Pitty's while Aunt Melly rocked him to sleep. He knew Uncle Rhett was in charge, and though the wagon jolted, the baby cried, and Aunt Melly whimpered, he knew they would be safe.

Suddenly, he heard Uncle Rhett's voice bidding Scarlett goodbye as he left them in the middle of the road to Tara. Wade called to his mother. He knew that his hero had left, and he was alone again. Suddenly his heart began to beat wildly as he saw Uncle Rhett ride into the distance toward the explosions. His mind screamed, "Come back. We need you!" but his voice was not heard above the rain and Rhett continued to ride out of sight.

Ever so slowly, they made the journey to Tara. Wade tried to envision his favorite place under the porch, but it was no use now. No pretending could keep away the gnawing hunger, exhaustion, and fear. Darkness was all around him, threatening of Yankees. His mother raised her voice, "Stop sniveling, Wade Hampton. I cannot take it anymore!" He tried desperately to stop crying as he held onto Prissy's skirts. He wanted to be a little man. He wanted to be strong and brave for his mother, but his efforts were futile, and with no other warning, he felt his mother's hand as it stung his cheek. Fear beyond comprehension seized him. He fell completely silent, as his heart broke.

When they finally reached Tara, he followed Prissy inside the house, got a drink of water, and then searched for Aunt Melly. She didn't hear him or wake up when he crept into her room and crouched in the corner, where he stayed until morning.

Chapter 3

Wade woke with a gnawing in his belly that just wouldn't subside, but over the next few months he learned to live with the constant pains of hunger. Very often, he grew dizzy from the lack of nutrition and constant fear. His soft brown eyes sunk, resulting from lack of sleep, and his face grew pale because he would not dare walk outside of the house for fear of Yankees. He often woke in the middle of the night with nightmares, and though he screamed, nobody came to comfort him. Every person in the house was either sick or exhausted from a full day's work. The loneliness claimed his mind and his heart.

"Mother needs me to be brave," he thought as he watched everyone scurry around the house. He ran to her, wanting to help, knowing that he could do something.

"Go outside and play, Wade Hampton." Scarlett's eyes blazed as she spoke so sharply that his knees began to quiver. Hanging his head, he walked blindly out of her sight, trying again to be brave. He did not want to make her angry, but every time he tried to help, her reproaches became more and more forceful, so that he tried desperately to stay out of her way. His fear of his mother almost equaled his fear of the Yankees, and he hated the Yankees even more for making his mother so angry.

He had never seen his mother so irate before. She had never been angry, never raised her voice, and had never raised her hand to him before that night when the Yankees came. In his heart, he feared that the Yankees would cut him into a million pieces, but worse than that, whatever the Yankees had done to his mother had made her so mad that he feared she didn't love him anymore. This thought broke his heart into a million pieces, and try as he might, he could not make her love him again. Late at night, when the house was still, and everyone thought he was asleep, he tried to figure out ways to be a better little boy so she would love him and feed him again. It was useless.

Only in Aunt Melly's room did he feel loved. He often went there just to talk and listen as she would tell him stories.

Aunt Melly held him in her arms, cradling his dwindling body with her own weak arms. "My dearest nephew," she would begin each story with her soft, soothing voice. "You look so much like your father. He had soft, brown eyes, just like you. His face was like that of an angel. Charles had the mildest disposition, and yet he became like a schoolboy around your mother. He loved her, and I am sure that she loved him, too."

Wade looked deeply in her eyes, searching for sincerity, and he always found it, for she truly believed that Scarlett would only have married so quickly and been blessed with this child if she had been in love.

"You father made the greatest sacrifice just for you. He never wanted to leave you or your mother, but he made the sacrifice for the Cause. He was a brave soldier, and he died before he ever saw you, so that he could save you from pain and misery. He wanted you to have the life that he envisioned for himself, and he could only have it by fighting for it."

These stories brought visions of his brave father fighting bitterly for him. He saw the battle and his father riding a stallion to the front of the lines, yelling the Rebel battle cry. He never knew, of course, that his Aunt Melly embellished just a bit because she wanted Wade to be proud of his father. Although Charles never saw battle, and had actually died of pneumonia while in training, she knew his character. She knew Charles had been brave. He was a fighter, and he rushed to enlist in the army to fight for the Cause that he held so dear. Melanie Hamilton loved her brother, and wanted his son to know him the way she had loved him.

"My dearest nephew, on the day you were born, Jonesboro County came to greet you. I heard about you all the way from Atlanta because the celebrations were held across the whole state of Georgia. Your mother was ecstatic as she held her beautiful brown-eyed baby boy in her arms. Then she traveled all over the state just to show you off to everyone she knew. You know, you were named after your father's commanding officer because he was so brave, just as you are."

As Wade listened to the story of his arrival, his eyes were wide with awe. He never knew that he was named after someone as brave as a Confederate commander. The thought of living up to his name was slightly unnerving. But the reassurance of his mother's love was doubtful, and only made him question her soon dismissal even worse. To be named after someone so brave, how could he be so frightened of her? And if she was so happy when he was born, why didn't she love him anymore? What did he do that was so bad?

Melanie never knew these thoughts, though. She expected that since he was still a small child, he should still act and think like a child. She never knew of his fear of the Yankees or his mother. She never knew that her stories would evoke such powerful thoughts from a young child. She only knew that she wanted to comfort him and shield him from his mother's sharp tongue. She never knew that on the night they left Atlanta he had aged beyond his years, and he would never again retrieve his innocence. He had faced reality far too soon, and the only comforting words would be to hear from his mother say that the Yankees were all gone.

The days at Tara were the longest that he could remember. Everyone seemed to be working all the time and no one had time for him. His Aunt Careen and Aunt Suellen were still in bed and sick. He had heard his mother yell at them from time to time, so he had to stay away from their room, and he didn't want to wake Aunt Melly when she was sleeping. So he would roam around the house, making plans in case the Yankees came.

There was scarcely any furniture in the house, and what was left had been scratched, broken, and damaged when the Yankees came through the house. The rugs on the floor were faded and bare. The trinkets had all been stolen, and the house seemed to whine with emptiness. The few chairs that had not been burned for firewood had been stabbed with sabers, and Wade would spend hours trying to very deliberately and carefully use his fingers to gently stuff the cushions back into the holes made by looting soldiers.

The most interesting treasure in the entire house was a very large painting. He would sit in a wooden chair, staring at the picture, and imagining the great woman who was represented. He knew that it was not his mother, but it resembled her. The woman's eyes were fierce and scary, but they drew him in to imaginary stories surrounding her. He envisioned her to be a woman that would love and protect him. He wished he could crawl up in her lap, and she would fight off the Yankees and his mother. No one could hurt him while he was near her.

After another sharp word from his mother, he grasped his aching tummy and headed for the room with the picture. Maybe he would talk to her, and she would come for him.

"Who are you, young man?" Grandpa Gerald's voice came booming from the wooden chair. Wade startled, not expecting to see another person in the room. Wade felt slightly uncomfortable in the man's presence because he usually did not speak to him, and he didn't always make sense.

"Wade Hampton Hamilton," Wade replied softly.

"Come, sit here with me, lad," Gerald's eyes did not denote recognition.

Wade went to him, and climbed on his knee, and looked to the painting that was hanging before both of them.

"That, my boy, is your great, grandmother Robillard. She was your grandma's mother. Quite a great lady, she was. Certainly not as great as your grandmother, but she was interesting."

Wade turned to look at Grandpa Gerald. He was excited that he was being addressed and recognized, and he had always wanted to know more about the lady in the picture. Now to know that she was actually related to him made him even more interested.

"She hated me, you know. She never thought I was good enough for Mrs. O'Hara, but I think I showed her pretty well. I built this house, and cleared this land. A fine plantation, it is. If Mrs. O'Hara wouldn't mind, I might invite them stay, so they can see how well I have done."

Wade stared at him, wondering what was happening again. Mrs. O'Hara, his grandmother had died before they had come back from Atlanta. He had heard his mother say so. Sometimes he just did not understand grown-ups, but he stayed very still, hoping to hear more about his Great Grandmother Robillard.

Wade pointed to the picture unable to voice his desire to know more about her.

Grandpa Gerald seemed to understand his request and continued, "Well, boy, the old lady was just about as racy as great ladies can be. I have heard many tales, but I don't think I should repeat them to young Scarlett's boy. Run along, now, I must speak to Mrs. O'Hara."

Wade climbed down, and hung his head as he walked slowly out of the room. He was truly enjoying the attention. He needed someone to talk to, and he needed to know about that lady. He knew that if he could find her, she would love him. She would protect him, and he would feel safe. "Even the Yankees would be afraid of those eyes," he said to himself as he decided to find another place to hide, trying to subdue his hiccups.

He tried to fit in various cubbyholes throughout the house, trying to find a place where he could hide in case Yankees came back. In his mind, he would imagine the entire scenario and plan an escape to his secret hiding place, where he knew they would never find him. Sometimes he would sit for hours in one spot, checking to see if anyone would find him, and when no one seemed to notice his absence, he would be satisfied with the spot.

However, when the time came to employ his plans, they failed him. As he heard the horse's hooves on the lawn, his arms, legs, mind, and tongue failed him. Frozen speechless, he could only stare blankly at his mother as she raced around the house trying to hide the few treasures she had been able to find. When she saw him crouched by the banister, she called to him, and he ran to her and tried to cling to his mother, but she flung him away. She cajoled him with calmness, persuading him to follow Mammy and Melly to the swamp, but he didn't hear a word she said. The room was growing dark, and his legs were weakening. He didn't feel right, but he pretended there was a steel rod in his spine, and his mother's strength seemed to strengthen him. He would not leave her to the Yankees. He would stand right here beside her. He would stand.

When the Yankees entered the house and swarmed around them, finding anything they could steal, he held tightly to his mother. He did not notice his own shaking, but he willed strength into her, as he clutched her trembling legs through her skirts. He felt her legs go weak, but he tightened his grip, and stifled his hiccups.

"No!" Scarlett screamed. "You can't take that!" Wade looked up to see his mother pleading with the Sergeant to return Wade's sword.

Anger raged through Wade's body as he witnessed Yankee hands holding the sword that had been his father's and grandfather's. "Mine!" he screamed. He would fight them to the bitter end to keep that sword. It was the only link he had with his father. It was the only thing that his mother had given to him, the only symbol of kindness shown in the months they had been at Tara. That sword represented the only good things he could remember in his short life, and he would never let that Yankee soldier take his happy memories. He held tighter to his mother, as the soldier handed the sword back to his mother. Anger still raged throughout his body, and he began to tremble. Pride swelled his heart as he felt he had fought and won that sword himself.

After the Yankees had gathered all they could find, they filed slowly out of the house, and Wade could feel Scarlett release a long breath. Suddenly she turned and flung his hands off of her. Smoke began to fill his nostrils as he realized that the kitchen had somehow caught on fire.

Exhaustion crept over him, as he gripped his sword and slid down in the corner of the hall. Though he had never said prayers with his mother, he had heard Aunt Melly, and he knew it was time to pray. He watched his mother scream, flying through the house looking for water. He could feel the warmth of the flames as they leapt out of the kitchen. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to remember the words that Aunt Melly had said. "Lord in Heaven, keep us safe... Forgive us of our trespasses... forgive those who trespass against us... Stop the burning... Give us our daily bread...Keep Mama safe..." He knew the words weren't right, but he knew of the power being released, and as Scarlett ran back and forth trying to put out the fire, Wade felt peace flow through his body. He had saved his sword, Mother was putting out the fire, the Yankees were gone, and he did not have a sword run through his belly. He had met the Yankees head on, and he protected his mother and his home, just as he knew his father would have done if he had been here. He let himself fall into a deep, deep sleep.

With a new sense of pride, Wade began to face each day with more strength than he had felt before. He had conquered Yankees, and his prayers were answered. Of course he told no one about his prayers, but they became more frequent. They were not the constant silent prayers on bended knee like those of Aunt Carreen, but they were heart-felt pleas for help from the silent lips of a frightened boy.

Wade's face remained sunken from lack of nutrition, but the color began to come back as he ventured out of the house little by little. In the mornings, he bravely took a basket and went outside to gather sticks and twigs to start the fire. Sometimes he would follow his mother silently with his own little basket to gather any vegetables he could find in the garden, and when the cotton grew, he plucked cotton until his little fingers began to bleed, never complaining, becoming a little man when other four year old boys played in the house, oblivious to the destruction surrounding them.

Strangers began to straggle through the countryside, stopping at Tara, hoping to find company and food. Wade stood by Mammy's side, helping her. He ran to get water by the buckets to wash the soldiers and their clothes. He gathered any blankets he could find, and made pallets in the floor for the soldiers to rest. He would sit by their side, listening as they told stories of the war and the families they were traveling to see, hoping to hear stories of his father. And though no one had a story to tell him about his father, visiting with these soldiers made him feel closer to his father because they had experienced the same thing his father had, and in each face, he saw his father's face, fighting the Yankees, dying honorably in battle, and he hung on every word they uttered, claiming the information as if it was his own.

The soldiers enjoyed the presence of the young boy with soft brown eyes. He sat quietly, listening intently to every word they spoke, and so they embellished a little, keeping it light-hearted, as if they needed to shelter this young boy from the atrocities of war. They would tell funny stories, reveling in the giggles that would emerge, tiny at first, then busting out into full guffaws, as he became more and more amused at Yankees who fell off their horses, mud flying in all directions splattering faces, and tumbles down the hillside. The soldiers felt like heroes as they gained the admiration of a young boy with a tan, bony face, dark hair, and emerging muscles.

Wade especially loved Will, a soldier that came through one afternoon, ill with pneumonia. Wade would sit by his side for hours, waiting for him to wake, until his mother would catch him in the room and run him out. When he finally began to recuperate, Wade would sit and watch him as he mended baskets, played with Beau, and whittled toys out of small pieces of wood he had gathered that morning. Will worked deftly with a knife, and did not say too much, but he listened intently as Wade slowly began to gather the words he needed. Wade told him stories of escaping from Atlanta, being hungry, and his mother. Will simply nodded and looked at him with interest when he talked of his mother, and though he never said as much, Will felt a kinship, pity, and admiration for this young man who had grown up too quickly. The child spoke with broken language, but with thoughts and ideas like other men he had fought alongside during the war. This little man, with heroic dreams, unreturned love, and lack of companionship remained by his side, even when Will found the strength to stand for a few hours and work around Tara.

Often Wade would worry desperately that Will would leave, and he would be left again with no one to listen to him. He would pray from time to time that Will would stay forever so that he would have company. Will soon became a hero, with his pinkish hair and pale blue eyes that did not waver as Wade bared his soul, and his deepest secrets. Wade found that he could share his prayers with Will, and he didn't laugh. He could talk with him about his mother, asking for advice, and receiving thoughtful answers. Most importantly, Will never told him to go play. He never said he was busy, and he calmly answered every question with great patience.

"Will, did you get scared when you were in the war?" Wade asked gingerly, remembering his fear when they fled Atlanta, and when the Yankees were in the house.

"Sometimes," Will answered without looking up from the horse he was deftly carving from a small piece of oak that Wade had brought him that morning.

"Will, can you be brave even if you get a little scared, sometimes?"

"I think so. Being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared. It means you do the right thing even when you are scared."

"Will, if I act braver, will Mother love me more?" Wade searched Will's eyes imploringly, trying not to let on the extreme importance that hung on the words that he would speak.

Will set down his knife, looking Wade straight in the eyes and very calmly answered his question though his heart wrenched. "Your mother loves you very much. She works very hard to make sure you have food in your stomach and a roof over your head. To answer your question, she will love you the same no matter how brave you act. A mother's love is like that."

Wade's eyes fell to the floor as he felt his heart drop deep into the pit of his stomach. That was not the answer that he was seeking. To know that his mother loved him as much as she could did not make him feel better. It left no room for improvement, and Will had basically told him that nothing was going to make his mother love him any more. Suddenly he could feel tears welling in his eyes, and he stood and flew from the room before Will saw him cry. He didn't want anyone to see him cry ever again. He ran out the back door, into the blinding sunlight, down into the swamp where he sat under the tall trees, crying, sobbing, and hiccupping until there were no tears left. Even after the tears had long subsided, he heaved great sighs, ridding himself of the grief he felt down deep in his heart.

When he finally calmed down, he stood, dusted off his pants, and walked slowly back to the house. His heart was still heavy, but he felt like he could face his mother, now that he knew the truth. He squared his shoulders like he had seen his mother do so many times, and raised his head, once again racing forward into manhood. Reaching the house, he found everyone in frenzy. The ladies were racing around, his mother was crying, and Aunt Melly was holding on to someone he had never seen before, crying and laughing at the same time. He walked around asking questions, but no one had the time to stop and answer. Food was being gathered for as much a feast as possible, little cousin Beau was being cleaned and changed, and Aunt Melly would not leave this stranger's side. Finally, Will answered, "Wade, this is your Uncle Ashley, Aunt Melly's husband, and Beau's father." Will looked down on the little boy with sympathy, for he knew the pang that gripped Wade's heart as he realized again that his father would never return.

As happy as he was for Aunt Melly and Beau, his heart was broken as he realized that he had lost another companion. Aunt Melly would spend all of her time with Uncle Ashley, and even though Beau was not much of a playmate, yet, he had been anxiously waiting for him to get big enough to explore the swamps with him. Everyone was making such a fuss over Uncle Ashley that they did not see Wade as he walked silently up the stairs to steal away in Aunt Melly's room and crawl into the corner. After a few hours, still no one had come to look for him, so he slid to his room, and lay down in his bed.

That night, the dreams of Yankees returned, but no one was there to protect him. He ran and ran, but they found him at every turn. Suddenly, he felt arms around his chest. He tried to fight them off, but they held tight. He breathed in the fresh fragrance of a woman, and turned to find the soft warm arms of his Great Grandmother Robillard holding him tightly, with blazing eyes that held off the Yankee forces. When he woke, he found no one in the room. His face was wet where he had apparently been crying, and he slipped into sleep again thinking of his Great Grandmother, reveling in the warmth he felt with her arms around him.

He had no idea that in the corner, Will sat watching him, and it had been Will's arms that had comforted him and quieted him during the night. After Wade had fallen asleep again, and was sleeping calmly, Will slipped out of the room, down to his own room, where he spent the rest of the night staring blankly out the window. Earlier in the night, he had heard Wade screaming loudly, and when after a few moments no one else went to the child, Will ran into the room to find the boy wet with sweat and tears. He knew of the dreams Wade endured, but he thought they had gone away. The return of Ashley and the earlier conversation about his mother had brought back the nightmares, and Will could feel nothing but sympathy for this poor, hurt, lost child. He had planned to stay at Tara to help Scarlett and repay the family for nursing him back to health and saving his life, but at this moment he knew that he had to be here for Wade. He did not know that Wade would count on him for the rest of his life, respecting him as he would his own father.

Chapter 4

Over the next few months, Wade realized that things hadn't changed all that much. Aunt Melly still had plenty of time to play and talk with him and Beau. The return of Ashley gave her strength to get around, and she was able to take the children on walks around the plantation, romp with them in the yard, and tell jokes that would make everyone at the dinner table roll with laughter.

Will began working in the fields, and Wade was with him through every step, plowing the fields, planting the seed, and harvesting the cotton. Wade watched every move, keenly absorbing every piece of information, helping when he could. He had already become strong and lean, taller than most other boys his age, and he continued to grow muscular through the long summer. He pulled weeds from the fields, helped clear trees from the overgrown pasture, and learned to draw water from the well. He listened to every instruction and followed orders perfectly, learning daily to love the land which he so attentively cared for.

His mother left for Atlanta in such a hurry, that he didn't realize she had left for a whole day. After hungrily devouring a small portion of dinner, he looked around the table and noticed she was not presiding in her usual position at the table. He reached over and tugged Aunt Melly's dress sleeve.

"Aunt Melly, where's Mother gone?" he whispered.

"Your mother had gone to Atlanta for a few days. She will be back shortly," Aunt Melly replied with a slight smile. He felt the rest of the family members at the table take a deep breath and a sense of heaviness settle in the dining room.

Will looked up from his meager portion with curiosity. He asked furtively, "Ashley, do you know Scarlett's plan?"

Ashley steadied his voice, cautiously answering, "No, Will, I do not, but I am sure that she will think of some way to get the money for the taxes. She has proven herself to be quite resourceful when need be." Ashley dropped his eyes, hoping that no one else would sense his worry.

"I think she is just hateful making herself a new dress when we are wearing rags, and she is probably going to do something scandalous. Only Yankees and scalawags have three hundred dollars right now," Suellen raved, tears brimming in her angry blue eyes.

"Suellen, hush your mouth. You have no idea what Scarlett has done so far just to keep food in your mouth and a roof over your head," Melanie looked at Suellen keenly.

Suellen stopped talking for just a moment, and then smiled devilishly. "I don't care even if she is doing something scandalous, or what she has to do to keep this stupid Tara. I am going to marry Frank Kennedy soon, and he will take me to Atlanta, and I won't have to work like this any more. I will have fine dresses, plenty of food, and a ladies hands once again. He asked me to marry him, and he said that he had opened a store, and he will be coming to get me in just a few more weeks. So let Scarlett have Tara. I don't want any part of it." Suellen sat back in her chair, crossed her arms across her chest and huffed presumptuously. She had beaten Scarlett, and she would soon be rid of this slavery. A smile crept across her face, knowing she had won.

Melly stared at Suellen, horrified at the lack of loyalty, but refusing to say another word, in case it should come off sounding cross. She returned Suellen's smile, turned to finish feeding Beau, and began talking to Will about next season's crops.

Suellen's smile turned fits of rage three weeks later when Mammy arrived at Tara with news of Scarlett's wedding. Scarlett had deceived Mr. Kennedy in to marriage, stolen him away from Suellen, sent enough money to pay the taxes on Tara, and requested that Wade accompany Mammy back to Atlanta.

Every person in the house reacted to this news with overwhelming, ridiculous emotion, as if Scarlett had done the most incomprehensible yet miraculous feat. Suellen screamed and cried, while Carreen tried desperately to soothe her. Melanie momentarily sat stunned, but quickly responded with joyful dancing and laughing, knowing Scarlett had done something wonderful by saving Tara, only seeing her heroism, ignoring the deception. Ashley's heart was broken, as he knew that Scarlett had reacted to the circumstance, marrying Frank for his money, blaming himself for driving her to such extreme measures. Will sat back and watched the reactions of the household with neither judgment nor reproach, knowing that Scarlett had done what she felt was necessary, but sympathizing deeply for Suellen's loss.

Only Wade heard the last of Mammy's news. He was going to be joining his mother in Atlanta. Atlanta would remain in his mind as the place of raining fire. Atlanta put terror in his heart, and he never wanted to set eyes on that horrific place again. He wouldn't go to Atlanta. He couldn't!

Racing to Will, his horror left him speechless, silently begging Will to intercede, but words failing. "Will, please help me! I can't leave Tara. I can't go back to the fiery furnace," his mind screamed, but he couldn't find the words, and Will, distracted by the numerous scenes taking place around him, did not notice the trembling boy standing mutely beside him. Suddenly racing from the room, unnoticed, Wade ran to his room, hid under the bed, hoping Mammy wouldn't find him. Finally, sobs racked his body, and he cried himself to sleep.

"Wade, honey, where are you?" Aunt Melly called his name over and over. As if in a dream, Wade crawled out from under the bed, forgetting why he was hiding there in the first place. "Wade, I have been looking all over for you. Will is taking Mammy back to the train station this morning. Sweetie, you need to get cleaned up so you can go with her," Aunt Melly smiled weakly, coaxing him out of his room.

Wade stamped his foot, scowling at her. "I don't want to go. I won't. I want to stay here with you and Will and Beau," he yelled, not realizing the volume of his voice had risen into a scream.

Melanie hastened to his side, wrapping him in her arms. "Oh, Wade, my poor sweet baby, I don't want you to go, either. You are my little man, but you are your mother's son. I will miss you terribly, but your mother needs you. A mama cannot be away from her baby."

Wade looked into her eyes, seeing her desperation. He knew that she loved him. Shame washed over him as he realized that he had just raised his voice to the only person who truly loved him. He dropped his eyes, holding back the tears so he could prove that he really was Aunt Melly's little man. He would be brave... for Aunt Melly.

Within just a few hours the train pulled into Atlanta, and some of his fear subsided when he looked into the sky and saw the sun was shining and there was no fire in the sky. Still, an ominous feeling overtook him, and he truly wished he could be back at Tara.

Wade's heart leapt with admiration as he looked out of the window and saw his mother, standing on the platform waving excitedly. He had not seen her look so beautiful in such a long time. She wore a crimson dress, buttoned to her chin. Her skirts were full with the proper width of hoops. Her hands were gloved in starched, white gloves. Even the tips of her boots which peeked out beneath her skirts were shiny and black. The color had returned to her face, which had lost its sunken look of desperation. Her crimson hat which matched her dress was demurely cocked to one side of her head, with long feathers stretching out the back. She looked beautiful. Once again, her eyes had become dancing green, and she smiled lovingly at him. He was reminded once again that he loved her desperately. Now that the tribulations of being penniless and hungry were over, maybe things would be different. Maybe she would take time to spend with him. Maybe she would love him, again the way that he loved her, and ached for her attention.

He greeted his mother with a half-hearted hug and a peck on the cheek. He hid his hands in his pockets so that she could not see them trembling nor the piece of earth he had wrapped in a handkerchief as a memento of Tara, for he didn't know how long before he would be back to his beloved home, again.

As they rode in the carriage toward Aunt Pittypat's house, Wade looked around, trying to find anything that looked familiar. He had been so young when they had fled the burning city, but everything had changed. The stores were all different, and too many lots were empty. Scarlett led them in front of the store and past one of the lumber mills. "Someday, Wade, this will all be yours. You will inherit the store, the mills, everything," Scarlett smiled, quite proud of herself. Wade just looked around, slightly disgusted. He didn't want all this stuff. He wanted Tara, and if she ever asked, he would tell her just that.

When they entered Aunt Pittypat's house, Wade's stomach flipped. It was almost the same as when they had left; only it had obviously been ransacked, just like Tara. The nice furniture had been burned or taken, including the silver candlesticks, china, and linens. Slowly, Scarlett was restoring it, but times were still hard, and Scarlett's fists were clenched tight.

"Hello, Wade," Mr. Kennedy addressed him as soon as they walked in the door. "Hello, Sugar," he pecked Scarlett on the cheek.

"Hello, Mr. Kennedy," Wade replied politely. "Mother can I go up to my room, please?" After receiving a slightly disappointed nod of approval from his mother, he slowly climbed the stairs, back to the nursery, where he had spent nights as a child, terrified at the sounds of bombing, crying himself to sleep, and imagining lovely things to push out the scary ones from his mind. He looked around the room, hoping that things would be different and the nightmares would not return. Most of the furniture had been removed from this room, as well. What was left could be rearranged easily so he moved things quickly, welcoming the privacy.

Privacy lost its novelty pretty quickly when he realized that his mother was still just as busy as ever. She ran to the mills and the store every day, leaving him with Mammy, who had quite a load keeping up with Aunt Pittypat's demands. He explored the house and found the hole under the house where he had hidden, but could no longer fit. He spent hours in his room daydreaming about Tara and wondering what was going on there. His cheeks became fuller, as he had enough food to eat every day, and he kept his deep tan by staying outside as much as possible, staying in the backyard where he was sure the Yankees that were ever-present on the streets of Atlanta, could not see him. He was miserable and terribly lonely, but he smiled gratefully at his mother over each meal, and kept silent to avoid invoking her wrath.

Scarlett did not recognize the subtle changes in her little boy until she returned from a week long visit to Tara for her father, Gerald's, funeral. As soon as she entered Aunt Pittypat's house, she swept through the house, as swiftly as her pregnant body would allow. She ran into Wade's room, expecting to find him there. She looked out the window into the back yard, and what she saw almost broke her heart. Wade looked so lonely. His soft brown eyes were turned down on the corners, and his mouth was twisted in a frown as he concentrated on the fort he was building with sticks he found in the yard. She felt a twinge of guilt for leaving him here when she knew he loved Tara, but she did not want to subject him to another funeral, when he had faced so many hardships in his short life. She brightened quickly when she remembered the news she had for him that would cheer him up.

He looked up from his fort, and saw her standing in the window, and his expression suddenly changed. His eyes brightened as he recognized her form in the window, and he dropped his sticks as all his plans for the fort flew from his mind. He ran upstairs, and when he saw her hold her arms out, he flew into them, embracing her strongly. She was slightly taken aback by such a strong show of affection from her son, who did not usually approach her so willingly. When he finally released, she bent down, and smiled radiantly.

"Wade, I have a surprise for you!" Scarlett beamed.

"What is it? Can I have it now? Is it a puppy?" Wade bombarded her with questions.

"You cannot have it now, but very soon, Aunt Melly, Uncle Ashley, and Beau are coming from Tara to live in Atlanta. Aren't you happy?" Scarlett's eyes were beaming, and her smile was so uplifting that Wade would have given anything to keep that look on her face. He nodded excitedly, wanting to please her. "Good. My little boy is happy." She pulled herself up, kissed him quickly on top of the head, and left him to go tell Mr. Kennedy the good news.

Wade lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling for a long time, pondering his mother's excitement and planning all the things he wanted to tell Aunt Melly. He had so many games to share with his cousin, Beau. As he looked out his window, the sun peeked from behind the clouds, and darkness was lifted from his heart.

It didn't take long for Aunt Melly to arrive, conveniently moving into the house right behind Aunt Pittypat's. As soon as he heard that they were here, Wade hopped the shrubbery that divided the yard between the two houses, and made his way to his beloved Aunt Melly. She greeted him with the enthusiasm of a schoolgirl, making him feel right at home. She listened to him tell stories for hours, never too busy, never telling him to run along and play. She romped with him and Beau in the back yard, making up games, and playing along with their imaginary schemes. When she had company, he would peer into the room, uncomfortably, and she would invite him to play with Beau in the nursery. Always smiling kindly and always speaking gently, Aunt Melly soothed Wade, and he remembered what it felt like to be loved. Without a grand exit, loneliness faded away, and it was replaced with sweet, warm peace.

It had been a warm, summer day spent with Aunt Melly and Beau playing in the yard. They had made huge forts with sheets draped across the hedges and pretended they were confederate soldiers attacking the Yankee forces, slaughtering them at every turn. At each victory, Aunt Melly would throw a mock parade, congratulating her heroes as they strutted around the yard riding elegant hobby horses that Uncle Rhett had brought them as gifts, quite proud of themselves.

Wade snuggled under the covers that evening as the crisp air came in through the open windows. He was imagining the uniform he would wear when he was old enough to fight the Yankees, for he had heard the grown-ups say they would cede from the Union again, and this time they would win. His thoughts were stirred as his mother came in his room to shut the windows and tuck him into bed.

"Mother, when I grow up, I am going to be a great soldier. I am going to be a brave confederate soldier just like my pa. I am going to wear the gray uniform and kill every Yankee I see." Wade grinned broadly, knowing that his mother would be proud of him, just as Aunt Melly had been proud of them that day.

Scarlett walked briskly to the windows, and slammed them tightly shut. When she turned, her face was crimson red, and her green eyes burned with fury. "I don't ever want to hear you speak of those things again, Wade Hampton. The confederate army is gone. The war is over, and I will not have you gallivanting around the country trying to get yourself killed for some noble cause that made no sense in the first place." She stood over his bed, looking at him, waiting for a reply.

"Yes, mother." That was not quite the response he was expecting. Her words stung his heart and made him frown with confusion. Aunt Melly had been so proud. He looked at her intently, trying to understand her sudden anger.

He noticed changes in her that he had not seen before. Her waist was not as slim, and her cheeks were flushed.

"Mother, are you ill?"

Tightening the covers around him, she replied without looking up, "No, why do you ask?"

"Well, um, you just look different." He was slightly embarrassed, and would certainly never tell her that her waist was thickening. Even in his youth, he knew his mother's vanity and would not dare offend her.

She followed his eyes, and saw that he was looking at her growing waistline and her swelling bosom. When their eyes met, he looked away, blushing, knowing he had been caught in his gaze.

Scarlett chuckled under her breath. She had always thought that modesty was slightly overrated, and pregnancy was such a natural thing that should not be hidden. Although most mothers would have shielded their sons from such information by avoiding their questions and stifling future conversations, Scarlett decided to be truthful with the boy, preparing him for his future sibling.

"Wade, I am going to have a baby pretty soon. You are going to be a big brother."

Wade's eyes popped open. He had secretly witnessed moments of Aunt Melly's ordeal, and had been with her during her long convalescence. "Will you be very sick? Will it hurt very much? Will you have to stay in bed? Mother, will you die?"

The sincerity of his questions touched Scarlett's heart, but the scared cow look in his eyes annoyed her. She hoped he would grow out of that by now.

"No, Wade. It will be no problem at all for me. But you are another story. You are going to be a big brother and big brothers have a lot of responsibility."

"Is it going to be a boy or a girl?"

"I have no idea."

"How come you are going to have a baby?"

"Because that's what grown-ups do." That was the end of that. Scarlett grew tired of his questions, and he was now venturing into territory that she certainly wanted to avoid. She kissed him on the head, detecting that his hair had lightened slightly from spending so much time outside, and freckles danced gracefully across the bridge of his nose.

As she opened the door, she heard his tiny voice. "Mother, are you tired of having just one little boy? Are you going to love this baby more than me?"

Unperceptive of the tears he was fighting she answered flippantly, "How could I ever love anyone more than I love my little boy. Sometimes grown-ups just make mistakes. Mind you, it won't happen again." She flounced quickly out of the room, calling good-night from the hall.

As soon as he was sure that she was gone, he let the tears roll slowly down his face. He felt enraptured at hearing her expression of love, but all thoughts of being a hero were forsaken as he focused on being a big brother. "A lot of responsibility," he recited envisioning his new role that would soon undertake.

His trepidation soon turned to anxiety as he began to plan all the things he would do with his young sibling. Day and night his thoughts were crowded with pastimes that he couldn't wait to share. He would take it for walks, teach it how to play all his favorite games, and go on explorations of places in the backyard he had been too scared to try by himself. His thoughts turned back to responsibility, and he planned where they would hide in case of enemy invasion. He would often speculate about its gender and what he would call it then he would smile, happy to know he would soon have a playmate in his very own house.

When the time finally came, he waited downstairs in the library with Mr. Kennedy. He followed Mr. Kennedy's footsteps pacing back and forth across the room, but as soon as Mammy cam downstairs, she made him go outside and play. Grumpily he left, but he soon snuck back in to wait anxiously for the baby to arrive.

He had to wait three long agonizing days before he was allowed to go into his mother's room and take a peak at the tiny newborn. Leaping up the stairs, he grabbed a small toy that Will had carved for him as a gift for the new baby, and he remembered all the things he needed to tell it. But as soon as he stepped in the room, he immediately halted. This was not what he expected at all. He walked cautiously to his mother's side, noticing that the lump on her abdomen had miraculously disappeared, and he looked at the tiny bundle resting beside her.

"Oh no!" he thought. He was not expecting this. It was a girl, and she was so tiny! She could not take walks with him. She could not even hold her head up by herself. His beautiful brown eyes, which had only a moment ago glistened with excitement suddenly dimmed, and he had to strain to hold back the tears of disappointment. There would be no games or explorations, and he suddenly felt very, very lonely. He warily reached over and kissed him mother and new baby sister on the forehead then he turned and left the room, shoulders slumped, and let out a deep sigh.

The months to follow did not give any sign of improvement. He was sorely disappointed as he realized that his responsibilities had not changed, but the atmosphere of the house had. Night after night he lay in bed with his pillow crammed over his head as the baby screamed. Early mornings he would leave quickly, and he would sometimes stay at Aunt Melly's until after dark to escape the endless crying and whimpering. Jealousy crept into his heart little by little as he saw Mr. Kennedy, who had not invited Wade to use a more familiar name, hold and cuddle the tiny, screaming, miserable child, and he often caught his mother rocking her gently, soothing her to sleep. Mammy petted and pampered the child, the third generation of girls she had brought into the world, and all the neighbors came over just to see the squalling brat, as he had begun to call her.

Mr. Kennedy was spending more time out of the house in the evenings, attending political meetings and sitting with people who were ill. Wade would walk across the backyard with his mother and Ella to Aunt Melly's house every night so they wouldn't be at home alone in the evenings. It was getting harder and harder to sneak out of the house during the day, though. Mammy would catch him sneaking out the kitchen door and run him back to his room. He got terribly tired of spending time in his room, and Ella was no company whatsoever. The atmosphere of the house was strangely tense. His mother was easily disturbed, and Miss Pittypat seemed to require smelling salts more and more. He just had to go to Aunt Melly's to play with Beau.

Staring forlornly out the window, he spotted placement of the branches on the tree which had stood slightly to one side of his window for as long as he could remember. The branches formed a perfect stepladder! His heart began to race as he contemplated his plan of escape. He could very easily step out his window, onto the ledge, grab a branch, and make his way slowly down the tree. He would have to be very quiet as he dropped to the ground. Then he could slink over the hedges to Aunt Melly's. It was the perfect plan, except for the rain. The misting rain might make the tree a little slippery, and if he arrived at Aunt Melly's soaking wet, she might ask questions, but he was willing to risk slippery branches and too many questions if he could just get out of this house for a few hours.

He slipped on his itchy sweater and opened the windows to peer out in case of intruders. Very carefully, he stepped out onto the ledge, and swelled with pride as he grabbed the first branch and stepped down. This was so much simpler than he had anticipated. He had almost reached freedom. But as he stepped down to the next branch, his concentration lost with exhilaration of freedom, he missed the step. Trying to hang on the slippery branch, he kicked around with his feet, but he couldn't find the branch. His fingers were slipping. He looked down at the twenty foot drop. There was no way he could dare jump and land on his feet. He had no choice. Letting his fingers slide, his held his body tight as he fell to the ground with a thud.

Looking around, he was sure that someone had heard him. Throbbing pain slid up his arm like fingers, and he looked down to see his forearm hanging strangely. He wanted to scream as the throbbing became more intense, but he knew he would get a whooping for this. He had to make it to Aunt Melly's house. She would know how to fix his arm and make it stop hurting.

Every step was torturous as he crossed the hedges and ran up to her step. Tears were streaming down his face, and his face twisted with agony. Blood drained from Aunt Melly's face when she opened the door and looked down at Wade's arm hanging limply from his side.

"Oh, darling! What did you do?" She wrapped him in a blanket, sending Uncle Ashley to go get Dr. Meade.

"I fell out of a tree. Please don't tell Mother. I'll surely get a switchin'." Wade pleaded with his eyes. Melanie just wrapped him tighter, laid his head on her lap, and sang sweetly until the doctor arrived.

"You took quite a fall there, boy." Dr. Meade's eyes danced, remembering his when his son had broken bones. He had died during the Battle of Gettysburg, and he missed him every day. He would have given anything if it had been just a broken bone. "Don't worry, Miss Melanie. Boys break bones all the time. Soon your Beau will have his first broken arm, and we can all celebrate."

Dr. Meade wrapped Wade's arm with plaster and gave instructions on how to care for it. "And don't be bopping your baby sister on the head with it," he smiled jokingly.

"Miss Melanie, don't you think Scarlett ought to be over here? Should I send for her? She is probably at the mill."

Aunt Melly smiled weakly and shook her head. "I'll take care of it, Dr. Meade. Just send the bill to me, and I will discuss it with Scarlett this evening. Thank you so much for coming." She placed her hand on his. As he looked down at her small face, he conceded. The serene look of adoration and appreciation in her eyes gently coerced him to keep silent, in spite of his disapproval of Scarlett's absence.

Wade sat up alarmed, "Are you really going to tell mother?"

"Well, don't you think she is going to notice the cast on your arm?"

Wade considered this for a moment, swirling plans through his mind. "I will wear long sleeves, and if she does notice, I will just tell her I fell out of a tree. We don't have to tell her I was sneaking out."

Aunt Melly held his hands tightly as if what she was about to say was the most important thing she would ever say in her entire life. "Wade, I will say nothing to your mother, but you must never lie. Never." The light in her eyes shone brightly, and Wade would remember those words and that look for the rest of his life. Guilt pierced his heart though he had never told a lie. He knew at that moment that no matter the circumstance, he would honor Aunt Melly with the truth.

He didn't have to worry about telling a story for long. His mother was not nearly as imperceptive as he had thought. That very evening at dinner, she saw that his arm was a little bulkier than usual. "Wade, honey, what's that on your arm?"

"Um, I um, fell out of a tree."

"And... go on." Scarlett waved her hand impatiently.

"I was trying to get to Aunt Melly's house, and I fell out of a tree, and Dr. Meade put a cast on it." The whole story came tumbling out. He kept his head down toward his plate hoping that in his fast rendition, she had somehow missed it.

"Great balls of fire! Nobody tells me anything around here." Scarlett stood from the table, threw her napkin down, and stormed from the room.

He didn't see her again that evening or the next morning. That afternoon when she came in from her visit to the sawmill, she looked terribly distressed. She ran up the stairs to change her torn dress, and she spent the next few hours in her room. He could hear her cries as she talked to Mr. Kennedy, as he calmed her with soothing words and light kisses. Wade was sure that her peculiar actions were all his fault.

That night Mr. Kennedy escorted them to Aunt Melly's house, then he went off to attend a political meeting. Straining to hear the women's voices, he placed his ear against the nursery door, but he could only hear the muffled voices of His mother, Miss India, Aunt Melly, and Aunt Pittypat. They were in the sitting room sewing, but there was an atmosphere of strife in the air, and he heard Miss India and Mother raise their voices for a moment. Wade began to tremble. All this excitement was surely about him, and he could easily remember his mother's fingers as they struck his face in anger only a year ago. He knew that if Aunt Melly did not calm Mother, he would face her wrath again, and the idea frightened him.

"I just know that the ladies are talking about me," Wade spoke softly.

Beau could hear the trembling in his voice. He looked down at the cast on Wades' arm, and replied, "No, Silly." They are talking about the Klan."

"Do you mean the Ku Klux Klan?" Wade's eyes opened wide in horror. "What have they got to do with anything?"

"Well, I heard my pa talking about the raid on Shantytown tonight. I wasn't supposed to be listening, but sometimes grown-ups forget we are in the room, and if I stay quiet as a mouse, I can learn all sorts of things I am not supposed to know." Beau beamed at Wade as if he had just discovered a great secret.

Wade began to hiccup unconsciously.

"I think they are very brave," said Beau. "They are defending the gentle women of Atlanta."

"Who is in it? Well, I don't know all of them, but I heard Pa talk about Mr. Kennedy and Dr. Meade."

"Quit pulling my leg, Beau. Mr. Kennedy wouldn't belong to such a group." Although he had never felt very strongly toward Mr. Kennedy, he did have enough sense to know that he would never go against Mother's wishes. "My mother says that the Klan is full of silly old men trying to relive their youth and stir up trouble. Mr. Kennedy would never do anything to make Mother upset, and he certainly wouldn't participate in a group that Mother didn't approve of."

"Really? I know he is, and I am quite proud of my pa for standing up to those Yankees. Maybe your mother just isn't a good confederate." Beau, not realizing his stinging words, looked back to his tin soldiers.

Wade jumped to his feet. "My mother is a better confederate than any of those Klansmen, and she is smarter, too, cause she knows how to stay out of trouble. She said she would not stir the pot, and she is braver than your pa ever was." Wade glared at Beau, angry that he would say such a thing about his mother. He balled up his fists, just in case Beau tried to say anything else.

"I say she's chicken!" Beau glowered.

That statement was the last straw, and before he knew it, Wade swung his casted arm, and hit Beau right in the eye. Beau sat back on his hind-quarters, more stunned than hurt, but he started to cry, just the same. This was the first quarrel that he and his cousin ever had, and he wasn't very happy about it.

Wade was still sore, but he decided he had better not hit Beau again. First, his arm was throbbing from the blow, and second, if Beau cried any louder, Aunt Melly would come in and want to know what happened. He could not bear disappointing her twice in the same day. He turned to his tin soldiers, and neither of them spoke for half an hour.

Long after they had been told to go to bed, they both lay awake, pondering their fight, hoping it wouldn't happen again. Suddenly they heard voices on the walkway. It was Uncle Rhett and Uncle Ashley, and they were singing so loud they might have woken the entire neighborhood. Noiselessly, they opened the door wide enough to take a look into the parlor. They saw that Uncle Ashley, Beau's pa was wounded pretty badly and had to be taken upstairs. Mr. Kennedy did not come in, and Wade lay there silently all night, waiting to hear his voice.

The next three days were an absolute treat for both boys. Wade got to stay at his house overnight. It was just like a sleepover, except they had to put up with Ella. She was beginning to crawl, now, and everything she got her hands on went straight to her mouth.

"Mother!" Beau would wail from the nursery. "Ella is trying to take our toys again."

"You can share, can't you darling?" Melanie would reply sweetly.

It was no use. Every time they had their tin soldiers set up for war, Ella would crawl over to them. In spite of their pleas, she would giggle softly, grab a soldier, and place it straight in her mouth. Wade tried several times to make her stop. He reprimanded her gently, taking the toy and wiping it off carefully, for he couldn't have baby slobbers on his soldier. When that didn't work, he would pick her up and set her in the corner, but when that didn't succeed; he gently smacked her hand saying no. After no success, he lost his temper and slapped her right on the face.

Suddenly, he felt shame wash over him. He had done just what his mother had done to him, and he had promised to never do to anyone else. Ella's screams penetrated the small house, and soon Aunt Melly ran into the nursery to pamper the baby. Beau reassured her that she hadn't done anything to hurt herself, and Melanie was easily comforted. She took Ella to be fed, and they finally had time to play by themselves, but Wade just wasn't in the mood for toy soldiers anymore.

"Come on, Wade! Let's play with the fire engine Uncle Rhett brought from London! She's gone, now. We can play!" Beau bellowed with animation as he considered all of Wade's new toys.

Wade could only sit in the corner, thinking about what he had just done. To Beau, the action meant nothing because he had never felt the blow of a cross hand on his cheek. He was too young to remember Scarlett's temper. He had never known any one to strike another person, and he didn't know the consequences, but Wade knew. He knew what it felt like to be hated and scorned. He knew the feeling of desolation and grief, and he knew that the one person he had sworn to protect was the person that he had hit in anger. Even more atrocious was the fact that he had hit a girl. Though his male influences were few, he knew most of the priorities and characteristics of being a gentleman, and a gentleman never hit a lady.

As much as he loved his mother, he feared her more. He feared that she would see the fingerprints left on Ella's face, and would know that he had lost his temper. He was afraid that she would retaliate, reminding him of the brief pain and long-lasting broken heart. Most importantly, she would realize that for all of her training and Mammy's hard work, they had not turned out a gentleman. He wanted to be a gentleman. His father was a gentleman, but this action was proof that he would never be a gentleman like his father. This thought was enough to make him cry, for he knew that his mother had loved his father, Aunt Melly had said so, and as long as he was not a gentleman as his father had been, she could never love him as much as she had loved his father. In spite of Beau's pleading, Wade spent the rest of his time at Aunt Melly's sitting in the corner, reflecting on all of these jumbled feelings, still hoping to someday catch his mother's eye, feel the warmth of her arms around him, and hear the tender, affectionate words spoken that he had often heard Aunt Melly whisper to Beau.

Wade had never been so happy to be home as he bounded up the steps to his room. Without looking around, he flopped himself down on his cheap tick mattress, unaware of the feathers poking through the coverlet to his stomach or his face. He immediately fell asleep, and did not wake for hours until Mammy came to call him down for supper. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up wondering how he could have slept to long. He was just fixing to leave his room when he looked around and noticed, most horrifically, that Ella's bassinet had been replaced by a large crib and moved into his room. Right beside the crib sat a large rocking chair which Mammy would use to rock Ella and feed her when she awoke in the middle of the night.

His room had never seemed big enough. It was much too small to accommodate oversized feather mattress perched on top of a cheap pine frame. His large bureau looked as if must have belonged in another room because it towered above him, almost touching the ceiling. His window looked over the backyard where he could see Poke trying to catch the chicken to prepare for supper, and if he squinted, he could make out the shape of Aunt Melly's house through the fog. His curtains that had once been a splendorous shade of royal blue were now faded and torn, and since everyone had been so busy, nobody came to wipe down the thick dust which covered the sill.

Improvements had never been made in the house since the Yankee invasion, and as he looked around he saw the wallpaper curling off the walls. He loved to peel strips from the wall, delicately pulling so as not to tear the paper. If he was very careful, he could peel the paper in six inch long strips, revealing the yellow glue underneath. The shapes of the glue were interesting, and he could make up stories by looking at the glue patterns and imagining they were pictures.

Now he would never have the privacy of his own room. Remembering that he had been called to dinner, he scrambled down the stairs to meet his mother in the dining room. He was surprised at the color of her frock. So many times he had splendored at her brightly colored dresses with yards of silk fabric. His favorite was her green velvet costume, adorned with golden buttons and trim. Green made her eyes light up, and she looked so vibrant and beautiful. This evening, though, she was wearing black. The drab cotton black dress accentuated her dark hair and eyebrows, creating dramatic black streaks against her pale face, overpowering her eyes. She wore no rouge and her demeanor was downcast.

He walked in and sat down at his designated place, cautiously eyeing his mother. Mr. Kennedy's place was not set at the table, and though he was curious, he dared not ask any questions until she spoke. They ate in silence, as he tried to gather to courage to ask about Mr. Kennedy's absence and broach the subject of Ella's crib in his room.

"Wade, are you glad to be home?" Scarlett asked without looking up from her plate.

"Yes, Mother. Is Mr. Kennedy going to be joining us?"

Scarlett threw her napkin on the table and ran from the room, crying passionately. Wade stared after her, dumbfounded. He certainly did not understand her reaction.

Mammy had been standing in the shadows, anticipating the scene. She rushed to him and held out her arms. Wade rushed into them, and without a word, he understood what had happened. He buried his face in her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Although he had never thought of Frank Kennedy as a father, his heart was wrenched from his chest as though he had lost his father all over again.

For over a year he had felt safe and protected knowing a man was in the house to take care of his mother, and now he was gone. No good-byes were said, and he had attended no funeral. He was just gone. Realization poured over him as he pondered the full effect of the situation. He was the man of the house again, and he was scared.

Mammy carried his trembling body back up to his room without finishing his supper, and laid him on the bed. She sat there on the bed with him for a few moments, cooing words of comfort, but no words could soothe his broken heart. He wondered if they would have to scavenge for food again, and his brain screamed in the face of desolation. He didn't want to be hungry again. He didn't want to see the cat-like eyes of his desperate mother, working with her hands in the field, gathering food and fending off starvation moment by moment. His sobbing turned to hiccups as Mammy stood to leave. He wished with all his heart that she would stay, but he couldn't bring himself to say a word. He just laid his head down, a fell back into a deep sleep.

That night, the dreams of Yankees returned. They were all around him. He couldn't fight them off. They stormed through the house, looting and running their bayonets through every cushion. They set fire to the kitchen and took all the food in the house. His mother screamed as they grabbed her arms to restrain her from scratching out their eyes and hitting them her fists. Wade ran to her side and began kicking them and screaming, and they deftly ran a bayonet through his belly. When he awoke, he felt a sharp pain in his belly. Sitting up, he realized he had fallen asleep atop of one of his tin soldiers.

As the next few months passed, he was slowly reassured that his greatest fears would not come to pass, as they still had supper on the table every night. His mother was gone even more now taking care of the mills and the store, but she came home every night. Wade still didn't sleep well. Ella woke up several times each night, screaming from hunger, and Mammy would slowly make her way with a bottle. He was soothed as she sat in the rocking chair with Ella, feeding her and humming lowly. Still, his eyes grew dark. Each time he would make his way to Aunt Melly's house, she would take him in, encouraging him to be brave, but secretly worrying about him.

After a particularly restless night, Wade decided that he must speak with his mother about the sleeping arrangements. He was the man of the house now, and he gathered his courage to approach his mother. He would walk into her small office, and demand his own room. She simply had to comply because he was a man.

He marched in there, stiff-necked and courageous. "Mother."

Scarlett looked up from the figures lying on her desk, wild-eyed and barbarous. "What do you want now? Can't you see that I am busy?" She practically screamed at him.

He cowered at the sound of her voice and the look in her eye. His eyes grew round, and the dark circles under his eyes made him look like a scared little boy. His manliness left him, and his knees grew weak. Bracing himself against the doorway, he quietly responded, "Nothing." He backed out fearfully and ran to Aunt Melly's.

Scarlett sat back in her chair, stunned at her reaction to her simple child. Frustration was quickly replaced with disgust as she thought of the cowardly look on his face. She could not believe that any child of hers could be so easily frightened. She had no idea that she was the cause of his torment, and it never crossed her mind that he had suffered far worse than she at the hand of the Yankees.

Months passed, and he never dared approach his mother again. Just when he thought he would never feel the sweet bliss of peaceful sleep ever again, Uncle Rhett came bounding through the door with armloads of gifts for him and Ella. Although he felt slightly guilty for listening through the door of the library, he heard every word that passed between Uncle Rhett and Scarlett. He skipped with delight up the stairs, knowing he would soon be back at Tara. His mother was going to marry Uncle Rhett, and he and Ella would be going back to Tara while they honeymooned in New Orleans.

He could hardly breathe as he opened the top drawer of his bureau and pulled out the handkerchief filled with Tara's soil. So often he had fingered his precious treasure, wishing he could go back to open land and the big house. He longed to see Will again and sit with him in the evening as he whittled toys of oak chips he had gathered. He knew that his mother would send money for food, and he had his mother talking to Mr. Kennedy, months ago about how well Tara was doing. The gardens were yielding plenty of fresh vegetables at the hands of Will's skillful farming, and the cotton would soon be ready to gather. He closed his eyes, feeling the warm sun on his face and the fresh earth beneath his unshod feet. He was going home. A pleased smile crossed his lips as he whispered the most pleasant word in his vocabulary, "Tara."

Within a bustled week, Wade and Ella stood on the platform waiting for Will, waving good-bye to Scarlett and Rhett as they headed for New Orleans. Before they had boarded the train, Scarlett had kissed his cheek, reminding him to be good, mind his Aunt Suellen then hugged him as if it were the last time she would see him. Uncle Rhett held out his hand and shook his hand heartily, grinning from ear to ear.

"Congratulations, Uncle Rhett. I hope you have a good time in New Orleans," Wade spoke, truly meaning every word. He was truly fond of Uncle Rhett and looked forward to long manly talks with him. For the moment, though he could only think of getting to Tara.

"Please, Wade, let's drop "Uncle". You can call me Rhett. I am no more your uncle than you are a girl." Wade dropped his hand, and studied his face. Rhett's eyes danced, and Wade couldn't tell if he was elated because of his recent vows and prospects of the honeymoon, or if he was laughing at him, but he was not going to take chances. Mr. Kennedy had never made an effort to engage sentimentalities, and Wade desperately longed for a father figure. Grabbing Rhett around the waist, he hugged him tightly, and seemingly unstartled, Rhett wrapped his arms around the small boy, embracing him, silently committing himself to fatherhood.

Wade impatiently watched the road as the wagon headed for Tara with Will beside him holding the reins and Ella riding in the back. "So, I hear your mother has gotten married." Will looked straight ahead, simply stating a fact rather than plying for information as other people would have done. "I don't know if you know this, but your Aunt Suellen and I have been married, and you have a little cousin. You will meet her soon."

More babies! Wade bristled at the idea of being around yet another child. He just hoped this one wouldn't be a girl. Girls were just too fussy, and they required so much attention.

"It's a baby girl," Will beamed with pride, not noticing Wade's eye roll.

They finished the journey in silence as Wade concentrated on every sight and smell so he could take the memories with him when he went back to Atlanta. The big house looked the same as it had when he left. The house was sparsely furnished, but clean, and all the furniture neatly repaired. After dinner he vowed to walk the plantation first thing in the morning and oversee all the improvements. He fell into bed that night, exhausted from the trip.

When he awoke the next morning to blinding sunlight streaming in through the windows, he felt refreshed. Ella had been placed in the nursery with Cousin... so he had slept uninterrupted for an entire night. He sprung from his bed and raced down the steps to the smell of bacon, eggs, and sausage. To his delight, Aunt Suellen served him coffee. His face scrunched at the bitterness, but he would not share this slight embarrassment, allowing anyone to think he was not a man. He thrust his chest and swallowed every drop of the rancid fluid, thanked Aunt Suellen for such a lovely breakfast, and announced that he would be surveying the land. Suellen was able to stifle her giggles at the boy, who was strutting like a man, until after he had managed to leave the house. She felt pity in her heart for him because she knew how his heartless mother treated him, and no matter what airs he took, she would never berate him. Hopefully in the short time he was here, he would lose the deep circles under his eyes, and don the gallant chivalry that every confident man must possess.

Wade spent the rest of the morning inspecting every inch of the land. The gardens were stocked full of vegetables that were beginning to sprout. Soon, Suellen would be gathering the harvest, and canning for the winter. Big Sam had been a big help since Mr. Kennedy had sent him from Atlanta. The barn had been rebuilt, and the livestock that Scarlett had bought the last time she was here had borne offspring and was beginning to fill with piglets, lambs, and chickens. The cotton was growing, too, and as he wrapped his hand around the tiny unopened bulb, pride surged through his body. He felt peace with the land, and he felt confident that the land would honor him as he worked it with his hands, pouring his soul into the soil, which had made his grandfather into a great man, and which would replenish his emptiness. His heart was in this land, and as he knelt to pray for a plentiful harvest, he vowed to care for it in return.

He regretfully walked toward the house, sensing that it much be lunchtime from the growling in his tummy. He met Will on the way. He had to slow his steps in order to match the slow, lackadaisical stride of Will's.

"So what do you think, young man?" Will asked, admiring the boy's enthusiasm, and hiding his amusement at the boy's square shoulders, never dismissing the seriousness of the boy's admiration and desire to represent masculinity.

"Looks good, Uncle Will. When do you suppose you will be clearing the back forty?"

"Well, I'd like to get to it soon, but hired help is not to be found. Maybe you should start on it. That can be your project while you are here. I sure could use the help of a strong man, and I see your muscles are getting mighty big."

Wade's eyes sparkled at the compliment, and only Will could see him grow a full inch taller as he straightened his posture and held his head high. Will hoped that suggesting such a big task was actually a good idea. Although the boy was tall for his age, he had grown weakly over the past months. He had noticed when he picked them up at the train station that he still carried the look of a frightened rabbit, most of the tan had left his face, and he was almost too weak to lift his bags into the wagon. "This job will either make him or break him. Can't do any worse than what has been done so far," Will thought sadly. Shaking his head, he followed Wade into the house, announcing to Aunt Suellen that Wade was going to clear the back forty. Wade missed the puzzled, worried look that crossed Suellen's face, but he radiated pride when he saw her smile, clap her hands, and jump like a school girl. He was needed.

Wade spent the afternoon evaluating the project, inspecting the thick brush which had grown over the once fertile land of cotton. He was tempted to become discouraged, but remembering the look on Aunt Suellen's face was enough to strengthen his courage. He made mental notes of the tools he would need, and decided where he would start. Being that he had never done this sort of work, he sorely underestimated the amount of labor involved, and was convinced that he could have the land restored within the month. He figured to get a good rest tonight, and start first thing in the morning.

The next morning after a hearty breakfast, he gathered his tools and headed for the back forty. He had refused the help Will offered over breakfast; sure that he could complete the task by himself. As he neared the thick brush, he pushed off his feelings of inadequacy, and plowed into the think brambles. He cut down several branches and wiped the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Steadily he worked through the morning, unaware of the blisters beginning to form on his smooth hands.

When the sun had risen, he felt the blazing heat beat down on his arms and back. He looked across the field hoping to catch a glimpse of Will, but waves of heat radiated from the ground without a hint of breeze to clear its wavy haze. Turning back to his work, he picked up the ax which seemed so much heavier than it had only seconds ago, and he felt the warm liquid run down his fingers as his first blister popped. Tears of frustration and shame ran down his face as he fell to his knees in pain. He dropped his head to his chest, trying to muffle the sounds, and hoping that no one had witnessed the scene. "If his mother saw him now, she would be ashamed of him," he thought. "Wallowing on the ground like a baby is exactly what she expects of me, but I will prove her wrong."

Using the ax handle for support, he lifted himself, and walked slowly down through the trees to a small creek winding through the land. Surrounded by trees, he was sure that he could hide here for a few minutes as he washed his face and blistered hands in the cool water.

Sitting back in the damp, cool grassy shade, he leaned his back against a tall post oak and gathered his senses, breathing in the life around him. Tall trees towered overhead, shading the tiny sprouts of saplings along the creeks edge. Clinging to the trees, long willowing vines were covered with small white flowers which smelled of honeysuckle. Whippoorwills sang from the tops of the trees, calling to their mates in with a sweet melodic voice, answered with similar calls. The ground was teeming with life as small bugs jumped around here and there, gathering food, building homes, and playing boisterously.

Wade was so busy taking in the sights and smells of his small haven, that he was startled to see a figure across the creek, making her way through the tangled vines. As she came closer, his heart began to beat rapidly. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He watched her delicately tiptoe barefooted across the leaf covered ground as though she had stepped on the dance floor and was wading through the crowd to join him. She stopped now and then to pick up something, which she would gently place in her basket. Through the trees, the sun peeked on her blonde hair, surrounding her face like a halo, as delicate curls lifted slightly by the subtle breeze. He could only catch a glimpse of her lovely face with fair, delicate features and dark blue eyes surrounded by dark lashes that fluttered like the wings of a butterfly. As she waded across the creek, her thin white cotton dress, clung to her childish form, and Wade felt the blood rush to his face.

She must have been about his age, and he had never seen the form of any girl, nor had he wanted to. He was suddenly overcome by strange emotions that were both electrifying yet uncomfortable. He knew that he should never see such things, and if he was caught, this angelic fairy creature would die of shame. As he lifted himself from his hiding spot, he tried to be quit inconspicuous. He looked back at her one last time, but she must have sensed something unusual, for she was gone, as quickly and quietly as she had come.

He walked back to his work, unnerved, yet revived. He grabbed his tools and began working feverishly, stopping only to wipe the sweat from his brow and his hands on his shirt as the blisters began to open and bleed. When Big Sam yelled quitting time, Wade gathered his tools and inspected his work. He had not made nearly the headway that he had hoped for, but it was a good start. Never before had he enjoyed his evening meal as he did this one, and Aunt Suellen dismissed his lavish praise for her cooking by saying that a hard working man always enjoys a good meal.

After dinner, Aunt Suellen wrapped his hands in torn rags coated in camphor, and sent him to bed. Of course, he did not need much coaxing. He was exhausted from his day's work, and he wanted a few minutes before he fell asleep to think about the enchanting girl by the creek. As he walked up the stairs to his room, he paused as he heard Aunt Suellen speak.

"It's just not a good idea, Will. Did you see his hands? He is not used to working like this. Scarlett will be furious."

"He's alright, Suellen. Hard work will put some meat on his bones. It will take him a few days to get his strength back, but he's a hearty boy. This will be good for him."

"I just can't believe the way he looked when he got here. He hung his head like he was scared to walk in the door. He wouldn't even look up until I talked to him. Then he looked like he had seen a ghost, stammering with polite conversation. What is that woman doing to him?"

Wade's head was spinning. What woman was Aunt Suellen talking about? Nobody was doing anything to him, and he certainly did not remember stammering. Did he really look like he was scared?

"You can't be too hard on Scarlett. She does what she believes she has to do."

So they were talking about his mother. He balled his fists with indignance. How dare they speak about his mother that way!

"You know she doesn't love him. She didn't love his father either. She just married him out of spite, and now the child is bearing the brunt of her ignorance. Then she married Frank for his money, and now is this Butler man, who isn't received by any family in Charleston. She doesn't care for anyone but herself, and she never has."

Lies! All lies! Wade ran to his room, slamming the door. How could they say such terrible things? Aunt Melly told him that Mother loved his father. Aunt Melly said so. Suddenly reverting back to childhood tantrums, he kicked his feet, buried his face in his pillow, and screamed. He wouldn't listen to such trash, and he would never again speak to Aunt Suellen. Will had defended his mother, but he had never seen such a hateful side of Suellen, and he didn't intend to give her any more ammunition.

The next morning, he left the house before anyone else and headed to his work. Suddenly he felt the effects of his strain yesterday, and just picking up his ax was torture. It felt as if needles were prickling his body and the ax weighed a ton. With every move his body screamed for mercy, but he would not give in. He cut slowly and meticulously until the sun had reached its height, and he thought of the girl by the creek. He suddenly felt the need for cool water, so he made his way down.

He waited there for over an hour, just hoping to catch a glimpse of her. "What is her name?" he wondered, glancing around in case she came from a different direction. Finally, he decided to go back to work. It may have just been a dream. He had heard of delusions from men who had spent too much time in the Georgian sun. They called it heat exhaustion.

Refreshed, he began working again. The medicinal rags that Aunt Suellen had put on his hands were soaked with blood again. He removed his shirt and tore it into strips to wrap around his wounds. Pain radiated through his arms as he swung the ax, but it was a good pain. He felt strong, masculine as the warm sun beat down on his bare back. When Big Sam yelled quitting time, he stayed just a few more minutes to finish up, and then he headed slowly for the house.

Suellen's face strained as she took a look at Wade when he walked in the house. "Oh, Wade, you didn't."

"Didn't what?" he responded. He squared his jaw and faced her, restraining his voice to keep from trembling.

"You took off your shirt, honey. You can't do that."

"And why not? I am a man, and men can work without a shirt," he replied coolly. He turned on his heel to wash up before supper, but as he leaned over the basin, he suddenly understood what Aunt Suellen was saying. She had not referred to gentleman's modesty. Burning surged across his back. Reaching back to touch his shoulders, he yelped with pain as his fingers ran across ripples of sunburn blisters that had risen in the few hours he had been working.

Hearing a knock on the door, he stifled his cries long enough to turn and see Aunt Suellen standing in the doorway. He broke down in tears.

"Oh, my poor baby, Will should have told you, but I guess he wasn't there." She tenderly stroked his head, and kissed the tears from his bright red cheeks. The conversation he had overheard was forgotten as she doctored his wounds and nurtured his broken spirit. He was baffled by her kindness and enraptured by her all the same. Soothing him with her soft voice, he went right to sleep.

That night was fitful and restless. Each time he rolled onto his back, searing pain and burning showered him, and he had to be careful of touching his hands. Each time he woke up, he played the conversation he had overheard in his mind. He was no longer angry in light of Aunt Suellen's nursing, but there were so many questions to be answered. Did his mother really marry his father for love or spite? Drifting off to sleep, he dreamed of the beautiful girl by the stream, and upon waking his mind was filled with questions about her as well. Who was she?

The next morning over breakfast, Wade met Suellen's eyes humbly, beseeching her not to tell of his tears the night before. He could not bear the thought of Will thinking he was a baby.

Will ate heartily, and not looking up from his plate, trying to sound nonchalant, asked Wade, "I haven't got much to do today. How 'bout some help with the back forty?"

Wade looked up from his plate, searching for a tone of disappointment, but found none. He had looked forward to telling his mother that he had accomplished the overwhelming task of clearing the land by himself, but he knew that the job could not be completed by the time she returned if he insisted on finishing it himself. He was also terribly afraid that he would not have a moment to slip down to the creek, but his work had to take priority.

Wade decided to accept the help graciously, responding without a show of meekness. "That would be fine, Uncle Will. There are a few branches that I haven't been able to tackle, and maybe you can give me some tips using these tools." Wade met Will's eyes, sharing a mutual respect.

In spite of the anguish of the severe sunburn and blistered hands, Wade knew that this had been his most productive day yet. Will had showed him how to grip the ax in order to get a more powerful swing and to force the shovel underneath the deep roots to unbalance the trees. Around noon, Wade began looking towards the river, trying to figure out a plan to go to the river alone. Will caught his glances, realizing that it was dinnertime, suggested that they go to the house and wash up for dinner. Wade reluctantly told him that he would be along in a few minutes. Will nodded and walked to the house alone.

Quickly, Wade slipped down to the creek, longing to see the mysterious girl again. He was not disappointed to see the magical creature gathering berries from beneath the trees and plucking them from bushes. Today she wore a faded pink cotton summer dress and she was absolutely breathtaking. She had pulled her hair back in a ponytail which trailed down her back and exposed her long, slender swanlike neck. He longed to reach out and run his fingers down her neck, instead his eyes traveled down her, drinking in every inch as he would a cool drink of water. Hiding himself behind a sturdy oak, he felt gluttonous as he longed to reach out and touch this beautiful girl who was complete unaware of his presence. Watching her every move, he very carefully slid from behind the tree, catching her eye and making contact. Her eyes grew wide with fright at the unknown visitor. Turning quickly, she scrambled to the ground above the creek, and he watched her barefoot flight with bewilderment and unrecognized fervor.

That evening, after quitting time had been called, Wade looked over their progress with pride. They had made a straight trail through the brush, clearing a path to make it easier for Wade to work through the land. He and Will walked back to the house with deep satisfaction in a hard day's work. That evening, Wade had the energy to sit through dinner, and joined the family for their evening prayers.

Aunt Suellen had taken over the religious education of the family after her mother had died and her sister had joined the convent. Wade had never heard evening prayers, and he felt a calming sensation, listening to the melodic recitations that Suellen so naturally led them through. He did not understand them, and he did not know the words to say, but he listened intently to her voice ringing sweetly and the somber, peaceful responses from the rest of the family which sounded so natural. These prayers were not like his, the genuine pleas of a young boy, faithfully expecting his prayers would be answered. Suellen's prayers were melodious expressions of faith, earnest, beseeching divine intervention. Her voice rang through the room, reminding him of the musical clock which rang through Aunt Pittypat's house on the hour. Long after prayers had ended, Wade remained on his knees, wishing they would never end, and finishing prayers in his own small voice with the sincerity of an innocent child.

The next few months were blissful. Wade's hands had healed, and were forming calluses which Wade proudly showed to his aunt and uncle. Even his sunburn had faded, turning to a deep tan. He felt manly as he noticed that the hard work had hardened the muscles in his arm, back, and legs. Although he felt slightly immodest, he would sometimes stand in front of the mirror, admiring his tan, flexing his muscles and gaining self-confidence. He had worked hard, and the he was close to being done clearing the land. It had been a chore, but the land was soft and fertile. As soon as he was finished, the land would be ripe and ready to plant. The land was revived because of his care, and the land was responding to his labor.

Every day, Wade snuck down to the creek, hoping to catch a glimpse of the beautiful girl. After the first time, he decided to take things a little slower, and had hidden himself most of the time. Over the last few weeks, though, he had been sitting on the creek bank when she showed up, acting as though he barely noticed she was there, stealing glances only now and then. He was trying to gather the courage to speak to her, and he had decided that this was the perfect day.

He dangled his feet in the cool water, thinking of the right words to say. When he felt her presence, he lifted his eyes, startled to see that she was standing right before him. This time, it was his turn to become speechless, his mouthed gaped wide. She reached down with her milky, white hand and closed his mouth gently then she sat down beside him, crossing her legs beneath her.

"You have been watching me. Why?"

Wade sat there, dazed.

Curiosity danced in her eyes, and she giggled with impish delight. Her voice had the long, slow drawl that spoke of Savannah. To him, her voice sounded like the coo of a dove.

"Well, can you speak? My name is Emily. What is yours?"

Wade spoke the only words he could grasp, "Can I touch you?" Immediately he blushed, ashamed of his lack of poise and blundering foolishness. Rhett would never say anything so silly. Gathering his wits, he tried desperately to think of something more flattering.

"Whatever for?" Emily gazed at him with an impish grin on her face.

"I am not yet convinced that you are real. You have the face of an angel." Although his first words spoken had captivated her heart eternally, he thought his words childish, and he regretted ever speaking or making himself known.

"I am certainly no angel. I am flesh and blood. Here, touch my arm and you will see." She held her arm toward him.

He ran his fingers tenderly down her arm, feeling goose bumps erupt from her soft flesh. He took her hand, and held it in his, studying her roughly cut, dirty fingernails and the calluses which were obviously new.

"See, you silly goose." She pulled her hand away, blushing modestly at his restrained passionate stroke. "You still haven't answered my question. Why have you been watching me?"

"Because you are the most strikingly beautiful girl I have ever seen." He refused to tell her any more, guarding his words carefully that he might not reveal too much. He could not tell her that he had imagined the day she would speak to him, or that he was irrepressibly drawn to the creek daily, in the hopes of seeing her.

Suddenly becoming very shy, she hid her hands in the folds of her light blue cotton dress, which fell just below her knees when she stood. She hid her face beneath the tumbles of hair until she resumed her composure. "I see," she replied almost inaudibly. "I must go. Father will be calling for me. I hope to see you again," she called briskly making her way through the curling vines, leaving Wade with an even deeper burning desire to append just a few moments with her.

During evening prayers, he couldn't concentrate, thinking of Emily, picturing her in her thin cotton summer dresses, wading through the creek, gathering berries. He would sometimes become so overcome that he would lose concentration and miss the response which he had worked so hard to memorize to perfection. At night he would dream of her, chatting with him in the moonlight, feeling her soft skin close to his cheek, and his heart would ache with longing. He longed for companionship.

As the back forty became clearer, he could see the creek from where he worked. He nearly chopped off his foot, as his eyes kept diverting, hoping to see her shadow. When she didn't come, he left heartbroken and discouraged. When she did come, though, they would meet under the tallest oak. They would lie on their backs, looking up into the treetops with their hands behind their heads, talking for as long as she could steal away without being missed. He learned more about her than he had ever dreamed, and he hung on her every word as if it were the last word he would ever hear her speak.

He had been right when he detected a Savannah accent. Her family was from Savannah, where they had owned a modest farm with only a few slaves. When Sherman made his march to the sea, the Yankees had burned everything. She and her family refugeed further south, hoping to find safety until they could return to their farm. She missed her home terribly, but they found out that they could never go back. Deserted land had been given to the freed slaves with the promise of forty acres and a mule. Thankfully, the Fontaine's needed help on their plantation, and her family had moved into a small dwelling on the land, probably former slave quarters, in exchange for help with the farming. It was called sharecropping. Her father farmed a few acres, giving the abundance to the landowners to pay for the dwelling, and the family was given room for their own crops. Wade had never heard of sharecropping, and it didn't sound pleasant, nor did it sound profitable for the small farmers. She made her life sound pleasant, though, as she only knew how.

Wade told her the many details of his short life, and when she found the courage, they ventured far enough away from the creek to see the land he had cleared. His heart swelled with pride as she praised his progress. He shared his hopes for his mother's approval of his hard work, and she responded with nothing but approval of his plan. He hoped with all his heart that his mother would tarry just a few more months. Although his project was almost complete, he was not ready to give up the company of Emily, and when he shared this news with her, she shared his sentiments.

Though their relationship blossomed like those in a fairy tale, it couldn't stand the inevitable reality which pushes itself into every dream. Scarlett and Rhett had returned from their honeymoon and stayed in Atlanta until their home was completed. Wade heard the footsteps of the horse as the carriage pulled into the drive, announcing their arrival, and the end of his freedom. He would have to return to Atlanta with his mother, and leave the sanctity of the land he had grown to love.

"Why, Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler, my, you look pretty." Suellen forcefully accented each last name, Scarlett wincing with each, understanding too well the context with which they were spoken.

"And Suellen, you are looking... large. Are you going to have another?" Scarlett ran her eyes over her sister's body distastefully.

"As a matter of fact." Suellen embraced her sister shortly, then led her and Rhett into the house. "Your children are around here somewhere. I'm sure you are just dying to see them," Suellen clucked. Only Scarlett detected the note of sarcasm in her voice. "You will have to see what Wade has done since he has been here. He is quite the man. And Ella has begun to sleep through the night. Oh, and you just missed her first steps," Suellen whipped her words like a viper.

Wade, wishing to escape the scene, listened further, entranced by Suellen's sudden change in character. She was suddenly no longer the devoted wife and mother, but a lioness, teeth bared, claws unsheathed, ready to pounce. She had begun to think of Wade and Ella as one of her own, and she was willing to fight to the death at the hint of danger.

Scarlett pushed past her, ignoring what she perceived to be one of her moods, and searched the house calling her children's names. When she finally found them, she embraced each of them weakly. "Oh, darlings, I've missed you so."

Wade did not recognize the sudden change in himself, but Suellen did. As soon as Scarlett pranced through the door, Wade's eyes became large and childlike, and his face paled as he cowered in the corner just waiting to be seen. He did not run to his mother in a welcoming embrace as her own children would have done, but stood gazing at her as though she were a precious jewel to be admired from afar. Wade only knew felt exhaustion and oppression light on his shoulders, casting a deep shadow as the sun fades away to the west.

Scarlett and Rhett toured the plantation alongside Will and Suellen, with the children trailing behind. Will pointed out the acreage that Wade had cleared during his stay, but rather than strut, Wade hung to the back, listening disinterestedly. Impressing his mother did not seem nearly as important as it had before, and his only thoughts were of Emily. He had to find a way to sneak down to the creek to tell her good-bye. He had to see her face just once more.

Finally, the family sat down to dinner. Scarlett pushed her plate of yams away, unable to stomach the sight of the post-war staple.

"Wade, you did a fine job on the back forty. I didn't know you had it in you, boy." Rhett smiled heartily across the table, ignoring his own plate of food.

Wade nodded, appreciative of the compliment but distracted beyond return.

"Aren't you proud of your son?" Rhett asked, placing his hand gently on hers, demanding her attention.

"Yes. Very good," Scarlett waved her hand disinterestedly.

Suellen slammed her hand on the table in a fury, frightening the children. "Scarlett O'Hara, how can you sit there in your fancy dress pretending to be so high and mighty? Do you not care that your son worked so hard on your land, and his only reward the calluses on his hands?"

Scarlett shifted her eyes to Suellen's angry glare. "I'd appreciate you minding your own business, Suellen. And I'll thank you to keep your opinions to yourself. These are my children."

"This has been my business since you decided to bring them here and drop them into my lap." Suellen gained courage with Scarlett's silence. "Wade walked into this house like a whipped dog, scared and lonely. Over these past months, he has worked himself like a mule to impress you, only to be discarded like a dirty rag."

Scarlett remained cool, though her blood boiled. "This is your last warning, Suellen. You have no right to speak and no idea what you are saying. You have not lived in my shoes, and you have no idea the burdens I have borne for you, you spoiled brat."

"Burdens you have borne for me? What have you done for me? We are not even talking about me. We are talking about your son, and what have you done for him? You are a cheap piece of work, marrying once for spite and twice for money, stealing my beaux in the process. I don't even care about that, I came out ahead in that one," Suellen looked to Will, touching his sun bleached hair lightly, and smiling through her rage. "

"Then, I don't know what you are trying to say in your jealous rant." Scarlett stood to leave the table, but was stopped in her tracks, when she heard Suellen's hand slam the table, again, this time knocking over a glass of water.

"I am talking about your son! Don't you dare walk away from me." Suellen swayed to Scarlett's side, grabbing her arm brutally. "Your son is the one paying the price for all your stupid decisions. He is the one who wakes up nightly with nightmares. Did you know that? Did you know that he feels the responsibility of walking in your shoes without the privilege of entering your royal presence? You may not have loved his father, but that boy is your own flesh and blood. He deserves your respect if not your love." Saying all she had to say, she released Scarlett's arm.

Wades' head began to swim. His mother did not defend herself. She only stood there, dazed at Suellen's words. She didn't fight for his father or refute the accusation of marrying for spite. It was true! Scarlett married his father for spite! She didn't love him at all, and she couldn't bear to look at his face because it resembled that of his father. Wade turned, flustered by this sudden revelation, and ran for the creek, craving a just a few moments of silence to digest the sudden rush of information. He could talk about it with Emily, and he knew she could soothe and advise him.

When he reached the creek, he threw himself on the ground beneath the trees, desperately silencing his sobs which turned to hiccups. Within a few minutes, calmed and relaxed, Wade sat up, waiting for Emily. He knew she would be here any moment, and he absolutely could not leave without saying goodbye.

Hearing voices, he raised his head, realizing that he had fallen asleep waiting for Emily, and she had never come. His heart ached, knowing that Scarlett would demand that he go with her, and Emily would never know. She would never know that he had waited here for hours, and she would never know everything that was in his heart.

She did know. As Wade slept, she slipped through the trees and wiggled through the vines as silently as a young doe. Reaching down, she gently kissed his cheek without waking him then slipped quietly back into the trees, running her hand across her tear-stained cheek. She had seen Scarlett's carriage when it pulled up, but she kept herself hidden from Wade, for she couldn't endure another goodbye.

Chapter 5

When their carriage finally pulled up in front of the Peachtree House, Wade and Ella stood paralyzed at the elegance and enormity of the house that they would call home. Every inch of the house was ornately decorated with carvings, towers, and stained-glass windows. As they slowly climbed the tall staircase, Wade struggled to quiet his quivering legs. The door opened before they touched the large brass knocker, and an unknown doorman stood quietly to the side, closing the door after them. The inside of the new home was even grander than the outside, they recognized as their feet sunk into the plush red carpet. An enormous staircase towered before them. Wade and Ella stood shivering in the gloominess of the dark rooms, curtained in velvet, wary of touching anything for fear of ruining their mother's divine furnishings.

Before they had visited their new rooms, Scarlett chirped, "Let's go look in the backyard, Wade. I have a surprise for you," Scarlett almost giggled with excitement in light of her generosity. It was slightly alarming to see their mother so giddy. They had never seen her like this before. The lines of worry were gone from her face, and her eyes sparkled like a schoolgirl's. After what seemed like miles of walking, they finally reached the backyard, where Wade heard the soft yelping of a puppy. "It's a St. Bernard! Isn't it exciting, Darling?"

Scarlett was practically hopping with exhilaration as the small puppy jumped up on Wade's legs almost knocking him over. Wade knelt down to hug the furry puppy, burying his face in its thick fur. He had always wanted his own puppy, and he could hardly wait to spend afternoons romping in the yard, playing with his new dog. He already had a name for him, Rebel, the embodiment of the heroes of his world.

Scarlett led the children to their rooms, and deposited them with instructions to rest before supper. Wade was almost as thrilled with the décor of his room as he was with the thought of having his own room. He looked around at the mounds of playthings piled along every wall, a rocking horse, great ships to sail on the small pond in the yard, and sets of tin soldiers. His four-poster dark cherry bed was large enough to fit a dozen children, and as he spread out on the pale blue sateen cover, he almost squealed with delight before remembering that it would not be very manly of him. He ran to the armoire, throwing open the thick cherry doors to find handsome suits, perfectly fitted to his size and meticulously scrutinized by Rhett. He would look like the perfect gentleman.

It was almost impossible to rest before dinner. It would take days to investigate his room, with all the doors, closets, furniture and toys, and he had not seen more than a quick glance of two floors of the house. As he made his way back down to the dining room, he was once more captivated by the magnificence of the details in every corner of the house. He took his place at the dining room table which shone brilliantly under the lead crystal candelabra. Food was served on a sterling silver serving set on the twelve foot long table, surrounded by chairs covered with burgundy velvet. Extravagant china, plated with gold rims was perfectly arranged in front of each chair.

In spite of the majesty of the room, Wade picked at the unknown dishes placed before him. He had never tasted such rich food, thick gravies, and strange combinations. He was not so sure that he could get used to this strange new atmosphere surrounded with lavish decorations and pompous shows.

Scarlett was always busy working or entertaining, and Wade did not like his mother's choice of company. She would always run him and his sister to their rooms, where they would stay until her company left. Ella was getting older now, and they could visit each other across the hall. She had just as many toys as he did, and they could play for hours without ever touching the same toy twice. It was nice, sometimes, to be at the perfect age where one would expect a young boy to teeter between childhood games and plights of manhood.

Visits to Aunt Melly's house were rare. She did not bring Beau to visit very often, and never when Scarlett had other company. When they did get together, it was just like old times. They would play for hours, reenacting the war, always victorious.

Wade looked forward most to times he spent with Rhett. Rhett spent considerable time with the boy, and it seemed as though he enjoyed it. He always had time, and would speak to Wade like a man, listening to every word uttered with a nod of understanding, only offering advice when it was requested.

Rhett bought Wade his own horse and taught him to ride. They took it slow at first, but soon, they were racing through the countryside, Rhett secretly allowing Wade to win every time. They rode through town, nice and slow, but the moment they hit city limits, they would ride like the wind as if they were foxhunting. Wade loved his horse, and the moment they were back at the house, he would spend hours brushing him down, feeding him and watering him. His dappled grey horse was taken care of almost as well as Rebel, who was almost big enough to knock him over with one jump.

Consumed with anxiety about the boy lacking masculinity, Rhett set it upon himself to culture the habits of manhood. He taught him to shoot a gun and play cards well enough to scam the most avid poker players. Wade felt like a man when he was with Rhett, and he stood straighter when Rhett was around, making sure that he upheld that impression.

Much to Mammy's protest, Rhett took Wade to New Orleans for two weeks during Mardi gras. Wade had never seen so many people, dressed so colorfully with dramatic masks of animals and magical creatures. Along the streets, people lined to watch the King of Krewe, featured in the parade for the very first time to welcome the Grand Duke of Russia. Costumed dancers paraded through the streets of New Orleans. Parties with jubilant music and dancing girls lasted all night long, and Wade was standing beside Rhett every moment, dressed exquisitely. The women cooed over such a handsome young man, and secretly applauded Rhett for taking such an interest in the raising of a boy that was not his own. The men swore as Wade beat them hand after hand of cards, and Rhett would take Wade shopping to spend every cent of his ill-gotten earnings. Everywhere they looked, Wade saw mounds of sweets, tantalizing him, calling out his name. He gorged himself, basking in the glow of attention and pure gluttony. For as long as he would live, Wade would look back on Mardi gras in New Orleans and smile.

As they boarded the train for home, Wade felt as if he had not slept in years, but his exhaustion was pleasant. He sat in the car beside Rhett, unwilling to fall asleep, remembering each event in detail so he could relay the experience to Beau and Ella.

"Wade," Rhett startled Wade with his firm voice, forcing open his eyes that had begun to drift, "I don't think you should tell your mother everything we did in New Orleans. Oh, I know she doesn't talk to you much anyway, but she would hold it against me, and I can't afford any more strikes."

Trying to focus on Rhett's words, Wade forced himself to sit up and listen, though the meaning was quite unclear at this point.

"Tell me what you think of your mother."

Wade stared blankly at him. He searched his mind for manly words to answer that question, but each reply sounded babyish, and he would never reveal his true feelings, for he hadn't given it much thought, and if he had dared put his thoughts into words they would either be disrespectful or childish.

"You can't fool me, you're scared of her. I see it in your face, and I'll admit that sometimes I am too, but I would never let her see it. If she ever thought she had the upper hand, she would crush my heart into fine bits leaving it lying on the floor like the sawdust in her mill." Rhett's face hardened.

"But never mind that. I would suggest you do the same. Don't let her see you frightened. She abhors weakness, and she takes advantage of it. Do you understand what I am saying, son?"

Wade nodded weakly. He had questioned her opinion of him many times, and had always concluded that she did see him as a weakling, no matter what he did. She wasn't around enough to know him, and when she was there, he could not be himself. He thought he had been hiding his fear well, but once again he was being reminded that every emotion was visibly reflected on his face.

"I have actually been quite impressed with your demeanor. You have grown into quite a dashing young man, but as your only male mentor, I feel it is my duty to pass on some information that may save you some headaches later on in life."

Rhett sported a look of sarcasm, as though he was laughing at himself.

"First of all, don't ever let a woman think she has the upper hand. She will use it against you every time."

Wade wondered if he was talking about his mother. She never had the upper hand with Rhett, and it infuriated her. She could be heard screaming insults as he nonchalantly recited the facts of the situation, and watched her squirm.

"Next, don't fall for that silliness of trying to be a gentleman. Gentlemen don't have any fun, they never catch the girl they really want, and then they are stuck with a nagging wife that turns out to look like their mother." Rhett lit his cigar and took a long draw, contemplating whether he wanted to relay his last bit of advice, even if it was the most important.

"They say that most men look for a woman with the same qualities that his mother holds. Now look at me, I love your mother more than any man has ever loved a woman, but she will never know. For the sake of your sanity, avoid a woman that can so easily cast aside virtue, who is in love with another man, and just spiteful enough to let you know it."

Wade had never heard a person talk about his mother so passionately, and yet pointing out such unredeemable qualities. He didn't know whether to heed the advice of this man who held his highest respect, or defend his mother.

"Look for a woman like Miss Melanie, soft, gentle, kind. You will have her heart always. You won't have to fight for it. Sometimes what seems most enchanting at the moment can mean heartache in the end." Rhett put out his cigar, laid his head back on the rest, and closed his eyes.

Although Wade was absolutely exhausted, the words of advice ran circles in his mind, and he began to long for Emily. He could only hope that she would wait for him to return, equally longing for him. He did not get to tell her goodbye, and he hoped she did not hate him for that. Emily was not like his mother at all. She was beautiful and innocent, childlike. Being in her presence made him feel special, and he trusted that he could bear his soul to her. Never would she laugh or ridicule him. She would be his eternal love. He was sure that he had no reason to ever look for another, and with that thought, he laid his head back, imitating Rhett, and fell asleep smiling and dreaming of Emily.

Everyday was an adventure for Wade with an enormous house to explore. He found a million cubbyholes, and in his usual manner, he contemplated his plan for escape in case of Yankee invasion. However, nightmares grew fewer, and his obsessive fears began to fade with Rhett's presence. He could still count on Rhett to listen seriously, and when all else failed, Rhett would give him candy money. Wade spent time with Beau a couple of times a week, and as much as he longed for summer to remain, he looked forward to school starting within a few weeks.

The public school system in Georgia had been recently legislated, but along with so many other legislative actions, the Georgia government had no funding for education. Mothers in Atlanta looked forward to education for their children, but schools were only open for a few months, and to add insult to injury, the government hired Yankee schoolmarms. As soon as the origination of the teacher was discovered, the respectable Atlantians with traceable bloodlines pulled their children from the public school, vowing to educate their own. As summer came to an end, and the school year loomed ahead, most children had no fear of returning to study, for they would be educated at home among their own kind by respectable confederate teachers.

Rhett had another idea, however. He wanted Wade to have an education, and in order to make that happen, he would take matters into his own hands. In spite of Scarlett's protests of throwing money into a dry system, Rhett funded a full school year, hiring an educated Southern teacher, selecting a proper establishment in the neighborhood of the Old Guard, and discouraging any Yankees or Republicans from attending. Wade would have a solid education, and he would slowly win the hearts of the Old Guard, securing a place in society for his unborn child that Scarlett carried.

Wade was terribly excited about his first day of school. He spent hours looking through his wardrobe to find just the perfect suit to impress his teacher and make plenty of new friends. Upon Rhett's advice, he chose gray pinstripe short pants, a crisp white shirt with small ruffles down each side of the button placket, and a darker gray jacket. Before running down to breakfast, Wade stood in front of his full-length mirror admiring his image. He smoothed down his dark brown one more time, and raced down the stairs to a plateful of hotcakes.

"I still don't know why you insist on pouring money into a society that outcast you long ago," Scarlet stared at Rhett across the long table.

"Don't you want Wade to have an education, my darling?" Rhett replied without looking up from the morning paper sprawled across the table.

"He can have an education without supporting all of Atlanta. You know we could easily find a tutor that would be just as suitable."

Rhett looked up just long enough to detect the malice in Scarlett's face. "We could, but this is better, for it gets him out of this house and among people his own age, but thank you for your concern my greedy little pet."

Rhett stood, motioning silently for Wade to follow. He walked him to school that morning, and Wade strode beside him, trying to match Rhett's long strides. He was feeling quite confident in his new clothes, and although he noticed that his tan from working at Tara had faded, he was still quite muscular. When Rhett deposited him at the schoolhouse door, he noticed the gleam in his teacher's eye as she tried to persuade Rhett to stay through the morning. Rhett, unaware of the teacher's fervor, made sure that Wade sat in a suitable spot, and left with his usual gallant trot.

Wade sat through the morning, studying his instructor, who quite swiftly changed her nature as soon as Rhett was out the door. She suddenly became very gruff. Her voice was harsh, and her rules were strict. She demanded attention, and walked with a short switch, ready to rap the knuckles of any young man brave enough to dose off during her lecture.

Even more disappointing was the fact that all morning, he had not learned to read. It seemed as if he had waited his entire life to learn to read. He had listened to so many stories told by Aunt Melly, and could not wait to experience the stories come to life as he held a leather bound book in his hands and felt the words lift off the page. By the end of the morning, the only thing he had learned was one letter of the alphabet and some math facts. Finally, the teacher rang the small bell to announce lunch, and all the boys ran outside, gasping for fresh air.

He was supposed to walk the short distance to his house for lunch, and as the boys clumped together to walk home, he realized that no one had invited him to join their group. Looking around, he saw that every boy had left and he was standing there wondering what had gone wrong. Hanging his head, he walked slowly home thinking, "This was supposed to be the most exciting day of his life, but he had made no friends, his teacher was miserably intense, and he had not even learned to read."

The looks from the other boys had completely escaped him. He had no idea that each boy had already heard about him from their parents and grandparents. He was estranged because his mother dealt with scalawags and republicans. He would never be accepted because his stepfather had never fought in the war, and they flaunted their blood money in the face of respectable people. They even grudged the clothing that he had so meticulously chosen interpreting them as another show of wealth with which they could not compete.

When Wade walked slowly into the house to eat his lunch, Rhett noticed his trudge and the frown on his face. He slid to his side and put his hand on his shoulder.

"How did your morning go, son?" Rhett looked at Wade with sincerity, and though Wade had intended to keep the events of the morning to himself, everything came pouring out.

"Oh, Uncle Rhett, it was just horrible!" The lapse in Wade's manly charade was not lost on Rhett, noting his rare reversion to the name used to address Rhett when Wade was a small boy, and he took a seat grant his undivided attention to this obviously tormented little boy. "I didn't make any friends. The other boys did not ask me to walk with them to lunch," his mouth turned even further down in the corners. "And as soon as you left, the teacher that was looking at you so nice became a tyrant."

The comment about the teacher grabbed Scarlett's attention as she floated through the room. "So you have grabbed the admiration of a schoolmarm?" Scarlett's eyes glittered with humor hiding the jealousy that raged through her body.

"I did not notice. I only have eyes for you, my dear," he dismissed her bluntly to address the more important issue at hand.

Wade shrunk back as his mother continued to her original destination. He did not want her to overhear the conversation and perceive his weakness.

"What else?" Rhett urged him to continue.

"I didn't even learn to read," and with this last confession, uncontrollable hiccups arose in spite of his willing them to stop.

"Well, son, let's look at this from some different angles and think of a solution." Rhett leaned back in his chair and rubbed his chin, apparently deep in thought while Wade waited quietly convinced of Rhett's authority on the subject.

"What were the other boys wearing?"

"I did not really notice, but they were not dressed nearly as fine as me."

"Hmm... we may have to alter your dress code tomorrow. Did you ask any of the boys to come over here for lunch?"

"No. They just wandered off in groups and I was left alone," Wade answered thoughtfully, hoping for advice that would change the situation.

Rhett, however, worried that no matter what course of action taken, Wade would see no results. He knew the boys that he was trying to win over, and had been publicly rebuked by their families. He had hoped that by establishing the school he would have won back some favor, but it was a long stretch considering the Butler history, and Scarlett's continuously unfavorable actions and choice of associates.

"Well, let's try this. Tomorrow you will wear something a little less debonair, and you can invite them to have lunch over here. Also, it takes a more than a day to learn to read. Keep working at it, and soon you will read the entire collection of Shakespeare." Rhett could see the approval in the boy's eyes as he retired to eat a quick lunch before finishing the afternoon. He only hoped that he had not unwittingly sent the boy into the lion's den defenseless.

Scarlett had overheard the conversation, but waited until just the moment to bait Rhett into admitting defeat. "A good idea, huh? You send my poor little boy to be devoured by those horrible little brats carrying the ammunition of their families?"

"No need to try to claim the compassion of motherhood so late in his life. The sound of your heart beating is drowned out by the scream of misplaced blame." Rhett left to join Wade.

Scarlett pouted as she retreated to her office, once again blindsided by words whose meaning completely escaped her.

Rhett's plan did not work, but Wade dared not let on that he had been unsuccessful. After Rhett had given him a flawless plan, the only explanation possible could be his own failure in execution. Weeks passed as Wade approached his classmates in every manner. One time he went so far as to rip holes in his pants to make himself look poor, and asked the boys to share the lunch he had secretly packed. Nothing seemed to work. The boys would laugh at him, first in secret then more openly, until they were jeering at him or ignoring him completely.

Everyday after school, Wade would walk slowly home, wondering what he had done wrong to deserve such horrible treatment. He was obviously not as suave as Rhett and could not make friends nearly as easily. Thinking about Rhett, he was suddenly hit with the most wonderful idea. Every time he went out with Rhett, they were surrounded by jovial men playing cards, laughing, joking, and making crude jokes. Of course the other boys didn't have to share their ball, but he could take his own set of playing cards and teach them how to play. They would have to let him play because it was his own deck. He almost skipped all the way home to ask Rhett for a deck of cards, which Rhett handed over, unaware of the boy's plan.

At lunchtime the next day as the boys discussed their lunch plans, Wade sat down at the small picnic table outside of the schoolhouse and pulled out his deck of cards. Curiosity overcame the other boys and one by one they made their way to the picnic table. Although they each had been specifically instructed not to have anything to do with Wade, the call of the wantonly masculine activity was far too captivating. Wade had decided to start with blackjack. It was the easiest of all games to learn, and he could keep their attention if the game was not too complicated. After explaining the rules and playing a few practice rounds, he threw a penny to the middle of the table and quipped, "Who's in?" imitating the words he had heard Rhett speak.

The boys' eyes grew wide at the thought of participating in such an atrocious sin as gambling. Raoul Picard and Jackson Meade pushed their way to the table, confident in their ability to win a little money with the coins they were supposed to use to buy flour and sugar on their way home from school. By the end of their designated lunchtime, the boys walked slump-shouldered back into the schoolroom. Not only had they gone without lunch, but every boy with a penny had lost it to Wade.

That afternoon, Wade strutted down the street sure that Rhett would be proud of him. He had made friends and money in the same afternoon. He considered diversifying to keep up the action with a little poker, but had decided against it since blackjack had been so successful. When he got home, he galloped up the stairs to his room to count his money when he heard the doorbell ring. He opened his door and crept to the top of the stairs, hiding behind the large banister to get a good view of the visitor.

"I would like to speak with Scarlett Butler, please." Wade recognized the voice of Maybelle Picard and he was elated to know that he had made such a good impression that Raoul's mother would come to visit. As Rhett marched into the room, Maybelle pushed through the door, slightly distracted by such a magnificent home and plush red carpets, she organized her thoughts to unleash her anger on this truly frightening man.

"I would like to speak with Scarlett." Maybelle's eyes flickered with anger.

"She is not here. Maybe I can help you," Rhett remained cool in spite of the forthcoming attack.

"I want to speak with her about her son's reprehensible behavior at school today which is no doubt the result of your unscrupulous behavior and poisonous influence on a boy of his young, impressionable age."

Rhett, slightly amused by an obviously recited regurgitation of words politely replied, "I'll see to it that she gets your message with all of its venomous intent." He bowed grandly and ushered her unwillingly out the door, then turned just as Wade rose to sneak back into his room.

"Wade, come down here, please."

Very slowly, Wade plodded down the long flight of stairs, completely baffled by the woman's disapproval.

Reclining on a soft chair in the library, stretching his legs, Rhett watched Wade curiously as he hesitantly took a seat across the room.

"So, son, tell me what happened today."

"Well, Sir, your plan didn't exactly work 'cause I couldn't do it right. I tried to do exactly what you said, but they still didn't like me, probably 'cause I am not real sophisticated like you. And I was thinking that you always have friends around you when you are playing cards, so I thought I would show them how to play cards. I was gonna give their money back." Wade looked so downfallen that Rhett couldn't help but feel pity for this poor boy that was paying the price for his parents' sins.

"I see." Rhett's face suddenly changed from pity to incredulous horror as he realized his own part in the boy's problem. "Wade, those people are not my friends."

At this point, Wade was terribly confused. Why would Rhett spend so much time with people who were not his friends?

Rhett continued, "Those people like to spend time in the company of people like themselves in hopes of regaining their money. You cannot play card games at school. They are the games of the disrepute, and I was irresponsible for teaching them to you. Do you understand?"

Wade nodded even though he did not understand at all. He had gained friends, and that was the most important thing to him.

"We'll not speak of this to your mother," Rhett knowingly nodded and extended his arms. Wade rushed to him, hugging him fiercely, pushing the guilty feelings of misleading his mother and possible disloyalty to his real father aside, and allowed himself to feel loved.

The next day, he returned the boys' money, but retained his friends. Although the boys' parents had given directions to stay away from Wade, they found that he could be quite entertaining. He would never be invited to parties or greeted on the streets in the company of their elders, but in the privacy of the inner circles of boyhood friendships, he had gained their respect, and had won lifelong friends.

With all of the excitement of having new friends and spending time with Rhett, Wade did not devote much time to thinking about unpleasantness. He found that relaxing and playing filled his time, and as long as he kept busy he did not think about being lonely, missing Tara, or wondering about Emily. He had even learned to ignore the Yankee uniforms that lingered on the streets. He soon learned to read, and in his spare time, he read every book he could get his hands on. Often Rhett would come home with armloads of books he thought Wade would love, and some that were necessary for literary conversation. Wade was far brighter than his mother credited, and he was soon delving into books written for adults, and making references with Rhett that Scarlett did not understand, which perturbed her.

In spite of his unequalled academic success, mounting confidence, and sudden growth spurt, Scarlett still viewed him as a weak, spineless child, lacking in intelligence and good looks. He never saw her, and if he dared approach her, she would tell him to go play and quit bothering. One day after such an encounter, he stopped to stare at her, abhorred by her change in appearance. He saw her so little that he had not noticed her emerging belly beneath her draping silk and velvet garments. Realization of her pregnancy unearthed him, remembering her promise that it wouldn't happen again.

"Another lie," he thought viciously. "Just like all the others." He began to number the utterances that were known lies as well as those that he just suspected, and even those he had heard in rumor. He knew that this woman never loved his father, and he never truly believed that she loved him in spite of the emotionless routine with which she said the words. As he continued through the list of faults that his mother possessed, his heart began to harden. He would never know the exact moment that he had begun to despise this woman standing before him, but fear and love would eventually give way to self-protection, just as Uncle Rhett had advised.

Only days later, Scarlett gave birth to a little baby girl, affectionately nicknamed Bonnie. The day was torturous for Wade. The adults, too afraid and busy to initiate a conversation with a boy too young to understand such unmentionable subjects, sent him to various places, beckoning him to be quiet and not disturb his sick mother. Wade had no idea that the time was so close, and he trembled with fear that she would die and shame for the disrespectful thoughts he had thought when he realized her situation. He didn't want her to die, and he was terribly afraid she would leave without knowing that he loved her.

He pictured the black carriage pulled by black horses with black plumes, and his chest heaved underneath the pressure of anxiety. He felt as though bricks were lying on his shoulders, and he couldn't breathe. Over and over he tried to approach anyone for news of her condition, but no one had a moment to stop. They ran frantically through the house, beads of sweat pouring down each face, reacting to the screams heard from his mother's room above. When all the running had stopped and he heard no more screams, he knew in his heart that she was dead, and he was overcome with sorrow.

Finally, Rhett came down, celebrating the birth of his baby girl. Despite his relief that his mother was fine, Wade's heart sunk even lower. "Another girl," he thought with disgust. Ella had been such a disappointment. All she wanted to do anymore was play with dolls, and people fussed over girls all the time. This girl would be just one more distraction for his mother, taking her away from him, and now that Rhett had his own child, Wade was firmly convinced that he was out of the picture. Rhett's words that afternoon had reassured him slightly, but he knew the future, and it did not include him. Now more than ever he needed his mother, but she wasn't available, so he drank the wine in celebration with Rhett and Mammy, pretended to be happy, and went to bed that night more miserable than he had been in years.

Within just a couple of weeks, Scarlett was up and about, running in her usual flurry to take care of her business, and Wade was left to fend for himself. The atmosphere of the house had changed dramatically, and Wade felt oppression hanging in every corner. Although the house had always felt looming and gloomy, now there was a tenseness that permeated the walls and screamed of discomfort.

Wade walked through the lonely halls, not willing to play with Ella and avoiding Bonnie for he was sure that she was the cause of this sudden change. After she was born, the world shifted and seemed to revolve around her. Just as he had predicted, Rhett was smitten with this beautiful baby, and Wade was feeling the effects of being left alone. Rhett did not come home nearly as often and when he was, he was with them in the nursery, but his attention was focused on Bonnie. Only in his darkest moments did Uncle Rhett focus on him, and at these times, feelings of warmth would surround him, taking him to the days before Bonnie was born, but these moments were fleeting and rare.

Most disturbing was the sudden conflicts that seemed to arise between Rhett and Scarlett on a daily basis. They had always had little arguments that lasted briefly, but Wade sensed the passion between the two. Now suddenly, the ardor was gone, and only stone cold faces met each other as they spoke words which trampled the invisible line between two people which cannot be crossed without consequence. Words were laced with spite and he felt as if he could wade through the underlying current of anger and hatred which flowed so freely from their mouths.

Time passed without joy or sorrow. Wade quietly withdrew without anyone's notice. He became quiet and sullen, avoiding friends at school, walking as though in a daze through the muck which seemed to surround him and weigh him down. He dreamt of fairy tales he had read, and longed for another time and place when the world was bright and they lived happily ever after, but as for now, grey clouds swirled about him, pulling him into an invisible hole that he could not permeate by himself.

Months turned to years of silent mourning as Rhett left more and more, then suddenly was gone altogether for three months with Bonnie. He often peeked into Scarlett's office and found her staring at an unseen object obviously deep in thought. As soon as she saw him, she would snap back to reality, pretending that everything was fine, but he could sense her sorrow. Something was plaguing her as well, and he knew that his misery was shared with her.

When Rhett was gone, Scarlett tried a few times to reconcile with her children. She would approach them and try to join in their game, read a story, or hold a conversation, but years of neglect had left a mark on the children. As soon as she walked into Wade's room, fear would overcome him, and he would begin to hiccup softly. Dropping the book he was reading into his lap, he would raise his head and stare at her. She had never wanted him before, and he wondered at her intentions now. He was suspicious and distrusting of her, and he could tell by her grimace when she saw the fear in his eyes, that she was not fond of him either. She bristled at the boy's dark hair and soft, brown eyes that reminded her of Charles Hamilton, his father. She did not see his characteristics that he possessed which were so much like her own. She only saw his pale, weak face, scrawny childish form, and a book on his lap, which would certainly never earn her respect. She had always despised books, and she couldn't understand the diversion that a book provided, and he definitely needed. She overlooked the fact that the characteristics which she so despised now were partly of her own doing. She had made him fearful and spineless, and in her presence he had no control of that fear. He was pale and scrawny because he needed and longed for the soft earth of Tara which gave him strength, but he was confined to a large house, without close associations. Finally, the only man who could provide warmth and strength had gone, and although it was never spoken, they were both convinced that his absence was her fault as well. After three such visits, she finally gave up, much to Wade's relief.

Hearing Bonnie's padded footsteps running up the stairs made Wade's heart skip a beat, knowing that finally, Rhett was home. He had so many things to share with him, and maybe his mother would be happier, but as he stormed from his room, horror swept him as he saw his mother tumble down the long flight of stairs. Rhett rushed to her, shouting for help, and Wade knew that she was dead. Turning from the scene, he ran to his room and locked the door, not willing to face the news. He wouldn't believe that she was gone.

Scarlett, who had been the source of so much childhood misery, had given him life, and he could not face life without her. She had forced him face reality when he would rather avoid it. She had driven him to become strong, courageous, and manly. Although she had never recognized these traits, he knew that he possessed them, and his love for her was almost as strong as his fear. As with most tragedies, Wade put the negativity from his mind, focusing on her strengths and his own downfalls, which only makes the stress of the situation deeper. Falling to his knees, he tried desperately to remember the prayers that Suellen had taught him, but the words would not come, and in his grief, he once again relied on his own words, the pleading of a boy for his mother in the hour of dire need.

When no one had come to check on him and he had seen the sun rise and fall through his bedroom window, he decided he had to be brave. He slipped quietly down the hall to Rhett's bedroom. Peeking in the door which was slightly ajar, what he saw sent shivers down his spine, and suddenly felt cold. The look on Rhett's face was frightening. It was wracked with pain and misery. He was suddenly scared of him, and he dared not intrude.

Across the hall, he saw a candle lit in his mother's room, and he crept to the corner, unnoticed. She was still alive! His mind screamed with delight and then with worry. Why didn't she wake? Why didn't Rhett come in to comfort her as she writhed with pain? He had never seen her like this, weak and trembling. He face was pale, and she moaned, but Rhett never came. Confusion and anxiety clouded his mind, and lack of sleep conquered him, as he closed his eyes.

When he was discovered the next day, he was run out of his mother's room, and Aunt Melly assured him that his mother would live, but he was still unconvinced. As he walked the long halls, pacing as he had seen Rhett do the night before, he tried to push nightmarish scenes from his mind. He was terrified, and there was nothing he could do. Why didn't she call for Rhett? Why didn't he answer? Pride. Stubborn pride kept them away from each other, though he knew they loved each other beyond comprehension. His mind, though that of a child, could far better comprehend matters of the heart than the two grown-ups that he held so dearly. He vowed that he would never allow stubborn pride to affect him. Only forthright devotion could stand through the darkest hour. He thought of Emily, and knew what he would say to her the next time they met.

It took far too long for his mother to recover, but each day brought news that she would be fine. He was happy to know that she had survived such a terrible fall, but agony wrenched his heart as he saw the cool attitudes that prevailed between Scarlett and her husband. So easily, the hurt could have been mended, with only a few kind words, but they were never spoken. The courtesy passed between the two was even more chilling than the words of bitterness, and when she was finally well enough to go to Tara, Wade felt nothing more than relief to leave behind the bleak darkness which now hung over the Peachtree House.

As they moved slowly down the long road to Tara, Wade could feel the weight lifting from his shoulders. Home was ahead, and as soon as they reached the long drive, he could see the house in its magnificent glory. It was a beautiful place, and Wade saw it in all its glory, before the war and pilfering, before the burning and invasion. It held a magical charm that called to him. Gone were the memories of fear and hunger, for this was his refuge, his strength, as vitality ran through red dirt, so did the life that he longed for.

He impatiently greeted his Aunt Suellen, Uncle Will, and new cousin, Susie, frowning at the thought of yet another girl. He wanted to get to his plot that he had cleared the last time he had been here. It seemed like ages ago that he had run through the fields and down to the creek, and he fidgeted through dinner waiting for the moment that he would be released, trying to ignore the bickering that had already started between his mother and Suellen.

Finally, he was excused, and without pushing in his chair, he ran from the dining room and out the back door, past the coal bin to the back forty. It seemed like a much further walk because it had been so long since he had been in the fresh air, feeling the freedom of running swiftly. Admiring his work in the field which Will had maintained, he ran down through the trees to the creek running between Tara and the Fontaine plantation. Picking his way through the vines, he sat down, taking off his shoes, and let his feet soak in the cool water. Around him, the birds chirped cheerfully as if welcoming him home.

Leaning back, he closed his eyes listening to the locusts cry and the sound of the water flowing gently over the rocks, lapping the banks. Feeling a presence, he opened his eyes reluctantly, and relished in the sight that he had longed for on so many cruel, lonely nights. Above him stood his blonde angel, smiling. He immediately forgot every thought, and the words he had so carefully recited in his mind were lost, for the sight that stood before him was enchanting and quite surprising. He rose to his feet, and took her hands, standing back. Emily was no longer a small girl in her cotton dress and bare feet.

"What took you so long to get here? I have been waiting here since I saw your wagon pull up," Emily's eyes danced enticingly as she questioned him.

"I... um..." Wade was speechless. He could not concentrate on the words she spoke. Enraptured by her beauty, his eyes traveled over her, memorizing every line and curve that had emerged while he was away.

"Cat got your tongue, silly?"

"I just don't know what to say. I honestly had so many things to tell you, but..." his words faltered, embarrassed by the thoughts that rushed through his mind. He had seen no other girl in this light. She was not dressed like the other girls in Atlanta, covered with miles of plain colored material. Her light yellow, thin summer dress hung loosely on her shoulders, waving with the breeze, without the tight under things which Wade knew nothing of, but knew were not there. Such things were not necessary in the country where they didn't see people, and were considered luxuries which could not be afforded. These thoughts left him flabbergasted.

Emily suddenly grabbed him around his shoulders and held him tightly, "I missed you so terribly. I had no one to talk to except my silly sisters and mean brothers. You are closest friend, and now that you are back, we shall see each other every day!" She almost giggled with excitement as she pulled him to the ground, and began talking rapidly telling him all the things that had happened since his departure.

"I didn't tell you goodbye," Wade interrupted. "I waited, but you never came."

"Don't worry about that," Emily lowered her eyes, remembering the day of his departure. She would never tell him why she avoided him, nor would she allow him to know her deepest secrets. For now, she could just enjoy talking with him.

He had grown quite a bit since their last meeting as well, she mentally noted. He had grown several inches taller, but he had lost his dark complexion. His eyes hung in the corners as if months of sorrow had altered his soft brown eyes, which he tended to divert from her gaze. He was no longer that self-confident brazen boy that had charmed her so long ago, and she knew that she would have to gently build up his spirit and lift the burden from his shoulders.

Wade sat quietly listening to her talk, enjoying the sound of her voice, escaping from thoughts that had crowded his mind over the past months, and relaxing in the cool grass. When she told him that she had to go, he released her hand reluctantly, pressing her for promises of her return.

Everyday for the next month, they met at the creek, talking for hours, and reluctantly parting. Wade did not work hard during this visit. He would wander after Uncle Will, helping him do a few chores, regaining his strength, then escaping to wait for Emily. He avoided his mother whenever possible not bearing to listen to the constant bickering, and most times, he had to sneak out of the house or Ella and Susie would be right behind him, following his every move. He didn't have time to bother with girls, now, he had the open fields, the sun on his back, and the love of a nine year old girl in his heart. He had to make the most of his time here because he knew it would not be long before he was forced to return to Atlanta.

After a long morning of chores, Wade finally managed to make his way to Emily. Brimming with pride, his confidence and color had returned, and he couldn't wait to hear her chatter about the funny things that usually happened every night at her house. "She was incredibly lucky to be part of such a huge family that always seemed to be having fun and playing," he thought. He secretly hoped that someday the seemingly irreparable damage would be fixed, and his family could be happy again. He thought of happy times, jokes he would play on his sisters and stories he would tell Rhett if only things could go back to the way they were before.

He didn't notice the tears that Emily wiped away as she made her towards him, and by the time she had reached him, her face was lit with happiness, and all unhappiness was thrown aside as if bad things had never happened. She began to tell him the happenings of the night before, relaying pranks that her brothers had pulled on her mother, making him roll with laughter. He was sorry to feel her hand pull away when it was time to go, but he knew that they would return the next day.

Suddenly, he pulled her hand back to stop her. "What are those marks on your legs?" As she had risen indelicately from their designated spot, her dress had pulled under her hand, baring her thigh.

"Oh, nothing, I have to go now." She pulled her hand hard, trying to get away, but he held her firmly.

He had never seen bruises so dark that reached across both legs in long strips.

"Tell me what happened, please," he begged.

"I just bumped them as I was getting out of the wagon. It doesn't hurt much. I really have to go, now," she pulled away again. He let go of her hand regretfully watching her glide out of the protection of the trees, missing the paleness in her face as she realized that he had almost found out.

Although they never mentioned the marks again, months later after he had sadly returned to the Peachtree House in Atlanta, the memory of those long, dark marks still haunted his mind. She seemed to be so happy, and she had the best family in the world. He could tell by all the stories she told that love prevailed in their house, and never a cross word was spoken. Still, he was not convinced that the marks could be the result of getting out of the wagon. He just had to know.

He went to Rhett, knowing that he would have the answer. Since they had come back from Tara, Rhett had been overwhelmingly attentive and pleasant to be around. The cold distance still ran between him and Scarlett, but there was no more bickering between them, and warmth had been restored to the children, at least.

"Uncle Rhett," Wade called into the library and waited for an invitation.

Rhett opened the door, "Wade, I thought you weren't going to call me "uncle" anymore. It is kind of silly."

"Sorry. Sometimes I forget." Wade sat down in a deep plush chair across from Rhett, searching for the words he needed.

"No problem, son, what did you need?" Rhett lit a cigar and related that he had his full attention.

"Um... I was just wondering about something. What causes bruises?"

Rhett looked curiously at the boy. "You know what causes bruises. Have you had a million of them?"

"Well, yes. I was more wondering about a specific kind of bruise." He paused, "What would cause long bruises like stripes across the back of a person's legs?"

Rhett stood up, slamming his cigar into a nearby tray. "Where have you seen bruises like that?"

Wade was suddenly frightened. He could tell by the sudden fierceness in his black eyes that he had made Rhett angry, which could only mean that something had to be terribly wrong. Those bruises could not have happened on the wagon. There had to be some other explanation, and he had to know, no matter how angry Rhett got.

"I haven't seen them on anybody here. It was while we were at Tara. Nobody you know." Wade saw Rhett's face relax slightly, but a wild look still remained.

"You have to tell me who it is. That kind of bruise is the result of being lashed with a buggy whip. Who is it?" Rhett clenched his fists, knowing the brutality of man with a whip. If anyone had whipped his stepson, the boy that he held close to his heart and cherished as much as if he had been his own, he would rip him apart. "Did somebody hit you? Did they? Who was it, damn it?"

Wade's eyes grew wide as he realized that his darling friend was in grave danger. Terror ripped at his heart, fearing for her, ignoring the anger that swept through Rhett causing him to use foul language.

"My friend, Emily, lives next door. Her family farms a plot of land from the Fontaine's. She had those bruises. Rhett, what am I going to do? She is hurt, Rhett, what am I going to do?"

"I don't know, son." He put his strong arms around the boy's shoulders, holding him close, relieved to know that he had not been harmed. He knew the nature of a man who would whip his own daughter, and he knew that his hands were tied. Nothing could be done except reassure his son that Emily would be fine, and hold on to his children firmly, protecting them with every bit of strength he had in his body.

Wade did not think about the subject again. He had placed the problem in Rhett's hands, and he was assured that Rhett would take care of it, though he had no idea how. The next few days were a flurry, as he was grabbed from his room by Mammy, and he and Ella were taken to Aunt Melly's house for a three day picnic. They played games, ate their favorite foods, and stayed up late whispering in the dark. They knew it was out of the ordinary to have such an extended stay with Aunt Melly, and by the time it was time to go, Aunt Melly looked strained and tired from so much playing. As Aunt Melly walked them to their own home, they began a cheerful song of "Ring around the Roses" and Aunt Melly did not stop them until just before they entered the house.

Aunt Melly placed her hands on their shoulders, not knowing whether it was her place to disclose such personal information, but she did not want Scarlett or Rhett to have to do it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, gathering all of her courage to share the story with the children. "Wade, Ella, you have a hard job ahead of you, but I know you can handle it."

The children looked at Aunt Melly with frank curiosity wondering what had changed since they left her house so jubilantly only moments before. Aunt Melly continued, "Your sister, Bonnie, had an accident. She was thrown from her horse as she tried to jump."

Wade breathed a sigh of relief. At least she was okay. They would have to be especially quiet for the next from days, but he had fallen from his horse a time or two and although it was painful, he had been just fine.

"Bonnie didn't make it. She has gone to be with the Lord, and your mother and father are very upset. You must be especially good, right now." She knew these last words were spoken in vain for these children were the always well-behaved, especially in the presence of their mother.

Wade stared at her incredulously. It couldn't be true!

Ella started crying immediately for she adored her little sister. Wade just continued to stare at Aunt Melly in disbelief, but as they passed through the funeral rituals the next day, her death was undeniable. Little Bonnie, who had grabbed his heart, followed him around, and utterly annoyed him would not be around anymore, and he was unsure how he could face another disaster. As he stood in the rain watching them lay Bonnie to rest, he reflected over the last four years of his life, filled with strife and tragedy. He wondered if he had done something to lose the Lord's favor, as he hung his head, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Chapter 6

Days and weeks passed by in a flurry, and before Wade knew what had happened, he was back at Tara. Suellen was mortified by his appearance. He had lost several pounds in the year since she had last seen him, and he walked around solemnly, as if in a trance. His eyes which usually brightened when he entered her home were lifeless and sunken. He looked as if he hadn't slept or eaten in days. Her heart ached for this child who had suffered more tragedy in his short life than many adults had experienced in their entire lives. The unfairness tore at her heart, and she hadn't the will to relate to him the reason for this unexpected visit. She would not be the one to tell him that his beloved Aunt Melanie had died. She was sure that it would be more than he could bear.

Wade's heart was broken for his world had completely fallen apart piece by piece, and unknown to anyone, he already knew of Aunt Melanie's death. He had secretly read the telegram that Rhett had sent, and he knew in the deepest part of his soul that he was now utterly alone. Every person in his life had deserted him, and he had no idea what transgression he had committed that would bring down such wrath. In the dark corners of his mind, he was certain that God had forsaken him. He lay in his room in the darkness, unable to sleep, searching his soul for any evidence of evil, but he could find none. He curled up tightly, praying desperately for help, forgiveness, and reassurance, crying silently, without relief.

In the aftermath of Bonnie's death, his mother had been so tormented with grief that she had forgotten that he was in the same house, and Rhett had elapsed into drunken oblivion, so that he was no comfort at all. Ella was sad, but she was too young to comprehend the gravity of the situation. There was no look of love between Rhett and Scarlett, and although Wade had no comprehension of the word divorce, he knew that things would never be the same, and he had no desire to go back into the house of death, the Peachtree House where he had seen every one of his dreams and the people closest to him die. When he had arrived at Tara, he found that Mammy was sick, and she would die soon, as well.

Suellen made every effort to cheer him up. She cooked his favorite meals, lavished him with praise, and encouraged him to go work in the fields with Will. She held him closely as he cried on her shoulder, but the only comfort he could find was in her soft, lulling voice as she recited the evening prayers, and he would linger as long as possible, basking in her peace.

Not long after he had arrived at Tara, Suellen insisted that he begin working in the fields with Will. It was time to plant, and there was so much work to be done. She was seeking tactics to divert his attention from his grief and make him feel needed and loved, and she hoped that Will could give him some man to man advice.

"You gotta let go of the past, Wade," Will suddenly spoke as they trod slowly to the barn to hitch the horse to the plow. "I know that these past few weeks have been rough on you, and you have had to endure more suffering than other boys your age, but everything happens for a reason."

Wade listened half-heartedly for he had heard all of these trite expressions many times during the past couple of weeks from visitors paying their respects.

"Look at me. What would your mother think of you wasting away?"

Wade's eyes blazed with anger. "I don't really care what she thinks! She has deserted me just like my father, sister, aunt, and probably Rhett! Do you think she cares? No, and I don't care anymore either. What is left? Who is left? Where do I get this bravery that every one talks about? It is awful easy to talk bravery about someone who is dead." Wade spat out the words that had been afflicting his mind, and as soon as he said them, he immediately felt ashamed. He should never have let such insolent words leave his mouth.

Will didn't say anything for a few minutes. He continued to harness the horse, and led it out of the barn, giving Wade air to release his fuming anger. When he was sure that Wade was done, he continued, "Makes sense. So you think you will pay them back for deserting you by giving up?"

Wade followed Will out of the barn, considering Will's words, appreciative that he didn't reprimand him for his outburst. "That doesn't really hurt them, does it?" Wade questioned more to himself than to Will.

"Not really. The way I see it, if you continue to starve yourself, deprive yourself of sleep, and dwell on things you cannot control, you are only hurting yourself. Every person that you have mentioned has chosen a destiny, but you have to choose your own." Will continued out to the field, leading the horse silently, allowing his words to sink in.

The rest of the morning, Wade followed behind Will as he plowed, chunking rocks to the side, clearing sticks and brush that sprang up since harvest last year, and thinking about the words that Will said. He was in charge of his own destiny. This was a new concept that had never occurred to him. Until now, he had felt controlled by events and people around him; his mother, Mammy, Rhett, and even his friends tried to tell him what to do, how to act, and who he was. They had never seen him in his true light, and they did not know him. They knew his looks, and thought that they could interpret his facial expressions, but most of the time, they were wrong. For so long, he had been labeled a fearful, downtrodden, frightened child, when deep in his heart, he knew he was none of these things, but no one had given him the opportunity to prove otherwise.

He had recently turned eleven years old, a milestone in a boy's life, and in his eleven years, he had seen fire, famine, sickness, and death. Not once had he taken charge, and the thought terrified him at the moment, unconvinced that he even knew what that meant or how to do it. But he did know that he had spent enough time in grief. He was still alive, and he could do something.

Will noticed as he watched Wade work that his shoulders stood a little straighter, his eyes began to reflect the bright morning sun, and his walk became bolder. He smiled to himself, knowing Wade was on his way to cutting the apron strings and becoming a man.

After a long day in the fields, and a hearty supper, Wade decided that he needed to spend some time with Mammy. She had helped raise him and had been a mainstay for most of his life. Now she was in her time of need, and he wanted to help her as she had helped him. Most of the time, when he sat beside her, she did not recognize him, but he held her hand and listened to her talk of the old days when his mother was a child. He learned quite a bit about his mother and was not surprised to hear of all the trouble she caused, her tantrums, and her extravagant demands. Even as Mammy relayed the details of Scarlatti's first marriage, he listened intently for information about his father, unsurprised by long unspoken revelations and unscrupulous suspicions of Scarlett's intentions. In spite of the occasional unpleasant conversation, he continued to visit her day after day, hoping that he was helping to provide her some relief.

When she finally recognized him, she smiled weakly, "Oh my child, my only boy, how long have you been here?"

Wade sighed with relief that she finally knew him. "Oh, Mammy, I have just been here a few minutes, this afternoon. I try to come every day for a little while." He squeezed her hand gently, hoping that she would stay with him. It was not often that she was coherent, and he had waited so long to see her as she used to be, loving, nurturing, and vibrantly alive.

"Honey child, I am going to the Lord pretty soon, but I don't want you to be sad, baby. I want you to be happy that I finally get to lay down my heavy burdens."

Wade swallowed and replied, "I know Mammy."

Mammy closed her eyes drowsily then opened them again, and with a shallow breath she continued, "You have had heavy loads to bear too, child, but you have to keep going. You have a full life ahead of you, baby, and I see good things in your future."

Wade listened intently, wondering if she could truly see the future. He wanted to believe her, but doubt crept into his mind.

"I have one more thing to tell you, baby, then I want you to leave this room, and don't look back." She paused, taking another breath. "I know you got reason to hate your Mama, but you gotta forgive her. Carrying that hate inside is like carrying poison. It will eat you up. Let bygones be bygones." Mammy paused, searching his face for understanding and agreeance.

"Now, come give Mammy a hug. I love you, child, and don't you forget everything I said, and don't come back in here. You've had enough death, and I want you to let me go." With that, Mammy hugged him warmly then closed her eyes.

Wade immediately got up and followed her orders. He didn't go back into the room with her. He said good bye as he left the room and never looked back. When he remembered her, he remembered the vivacious Mammy that ran the house like a machine, demanding excellence in her staff and in the children she raised.

A few days later, Aunt Suellen announced that his mother would be at Tara the next day. Wade's heart sank. He wasn't ready to face her, yet. He wanted to escape all the pain and suffering that he had endured while he was with her, and he did not know how to cope with her overbearing character, knowing that he was in charge of choosing his own destiny. Thinking about what Mammy had said was also confusing. He didn't think that he hated his mother. In fact, he loved her. He was afraid of her, and he was angry with the way she had treated him, and he felt a hard impenetrable shell covering his heart that was the result of his newfound freedom. Hatred was a forbidden word, and so the feeling of hatred that had subconsciously begun to take root was unperceivable.

He hoped to stay in the fields with Will or Big Sam when she arrived, but Suellen would not allow him to remain absent. Suellen knew her sister, and she knew that Wade could not afford any more strikes against his character or actions. She insisted that he come to the house while Will was bringing her from the train station in Jonesboro, clean up, and meet her at the door. Wade reluctantly obeyed, but hid behind Suellen's skirts, hoping to flee as quickly as possible, and silently praying that he would not have to return to Atlanta with her.

Suddenly, he realized that in his self-pity, he had completely forgotten the one person that he longed to see while at Tara. He had spent so much time mourning his losses that he had not given thought to Emily, and he had an intense urge to be with her, holding her hand, and talking. As soon as greetings were done and Scarlett had rushed to see Mammy, Wade ran through the back door, through the fields, and to Emily.

As he stepped through the undergrowth, waving his arms through wild honeysuckle vines that had grown in his absence, he spotted Emily wading through the creek, fishing for crawdads with a bit of pork fat tied on a string. He watched her carefully dangle the string in the water until a crawdad crawled carefully out of his hole in the bank and onto the pork fat. When she was satisfied that he was hanging on tightly, she would gently lift the string out of the water and drop him in her bucket. Wade was amazed that the creature did not let go as soon as he was lifted from the water, and he watched her perform these steps countless times, until she had enough crawdads for a sufficient meal.

She had been concentrating so hard, that she had not heard his footsteps or felt his presence when he had arrived, and she rose, slightly embarrassed. He ran to her, expecting a long embrace, but stopped short when she lowered her eyes, avoiding his eyes. As soon as she saw him, she realized that she was almost twelve years old, now, but she was still wading through the creek, barefoot in her cotton dress, and whereas it had never crossed her mind before, she suddenly felt indecent, as though she should be dressed more elegantly. She knew that he had come from Atlanta, and in her mind Atlanta was a big city where everyone wore fine clothes and extravagances. She had seen his mother on the road to Tara, and she looked magnificent in her brightly colored layers of cloth, matching parasol, and high leather shoes. She had never owned anything so fine, and she couldn't imagine Wade wanting anything less.

Wade could not fathom what had changed between them. He had never seen her face flush with embarrassment, and he fidgeted with a leaf he plucked from a tree overhead. He studied her closely, trying to see what had changed. He had been gone for quite some time, it occurred to him that possibly she had grown up so much that she was not interested in him anymore, or maybe she was angry with him about something. Remembering that he had vowed never to allow pride to interfere with a relationship, he decided he would ask.

"What is the matter, Emily? Are you angry with me?" He waited patiently for an answer, but when she didn't respond, he continued, "Have you outgrown me? Are you too old to talk with me?"

She didn't answer. She just hung her head, screaming silently, "No, No!" She didn't dare speak for fear that she would cry. She wanted to tell him, but she couldn't bring herself to humiliate herself by pointing out her flaws, so she chose to remain silent. He tried to reach out to her, but she jerked away and ran from him as he stared after her, dumbfounded.

Wade stumbled blindly back to the house, trying to see through his tears and wiping his eyes with his shirt sleeve. He certainly could not show weakness in front of his mother. When he had reached the house and still had not stopped his hiccups, he walked around the fields for a few minutes, picturing Emily in his mind, bewildered at her sudden change in behavior. He sat in the freshly plowed field, filtering the warm, red dirt through his fingers, crying unreservedly until he was convinced that he could produce no more tears. Drawing a deep breath, he rose and dusted off his pants, then exhaled, releasing each point of unpleasantness from his mind. He walked back to the house, slowly, gaining the courage to meet his mother again.

Fortunately, over the next three weeks, he did not have to face Scarlett. She spent every moment in the sick room with Mammy, emerging only to eat a bite now and then or to rest when it was absolutely necessary. When she was in the same room with him, he was exceedingly polite, not wishing to incite her anger. He had no need to worry, though because she didn't see him. She would stare blankly in his direction, but she didn't distinguish any one person from another. She was so distraught with the events of the last six months and Mammy's impending death that she could not think of anything else. She was exhausted and frantic with worry, but she didn't see any relief in sight; and in her usual manner, she was centered on her own grief, unaware that anyone else could feel any pain.

Wade stayed out of Mammy's room just as she had commanded, and he was rather relieved that he would not have to see her waste away in the last days, nor would he have to be in the same room as his mother. He worried that his mother would insist that they return to Atlanta, but he pushed this thought from his mind and concentrated on the fields.

Everyday, he, Will, and Big Sam trudged out to the fields. The cotton was planted, but there was still work to be done. The rest of the fields had to be plowed, and the weeds had to be cleared. Plowing was hard, tedious work for they only had one plow, pulled by an elderly horse. The ground was dry and hard, and every few feet, rocks, brush, and weeds had to be gathered and taken out. After the seed was sown and covered meticulously by hand, prayer for rain began as they hauled water to the fields, deliberately saturating every inch of land.

As Wade worked in the field, he felt sweat pouring from his body, drenching his shirt, making the dirt stick to him as it thickly drifted through the hot, dry air. He loved the feel of the dirt, the smell of the land, and the feel of his muscles beginning to form under his too small shirt. This was his land, and he felt the pride of hard work swell in his heart as the sun beat on his back, lightening his dark hair, which was beginning to curl on his neck as it lengthened.

Hearing the sound of horse's hooves galloping on the drive to Tara, he looked up to see a dark haired man racing to the doorstep. He was too far away to recognize his facial features. Wade was curious about the visitor, and as he looked closer, the man looked increasingly familiar. As the man leapt up the steps, Wade immediately recognized his stride. It was Rhett! Rhett had come to Tara. That must mean that things were going to be okay with him and Scarlett. He must be here to make amends, and then things would be wonderful again! He would have his step-father back. They would go riding, Wade would show him the work he had done on the land, and maybe he could tell him how to win Emily's heart again, for Rhett knew all about those things. Finally, he could be happy.

Wade raced to the house, stumbling over clods of dirt that had not been removed, and rocks that had not been cleared. He bound up the steps, throwing open the back door, calling Rhett's name. Searching through the house, smiling broadly, he ran into Suellen. Barely containing himself, he rushed into her arms yelling loudly, "Rhett is here! Where is he?" Stunned by Wade's jubilance, she looked at him wide-eyed then sadly shook her head.

His face changed from delight to alarm as he pulled from her hastily and continued to run through the house. He burst through the front door to see the dark haired stranger riding back down the drive from whence he had come with his coat tail flying behind him. Looking around, he saw his mother's back, straightened with resentment as she stared after Rhett.

Wade felt his stomach drop as he realized that Rhett had not even tried to find him. He had come to Tara and left just as suddenly as he came. He found later that he had come only to see Mammy, and as soon as he had made his fallacious promises to her in her last moments on earth, he left without saying goodbye.

His disappointment did not affect him as usual this time. Typically, he would become angry and hurt. He would cry himself to sleep and turn his hatred inward, reproaching himself for some unknown depravity that he must have unwittingly committed. This time was different, somehow. He was angry, but not at himself. He did not get upset, but rather took a deep breath, straightened his jaw, and went back to work. The crust around his heart, consisting of hurt and disappointment was slowly and subconsciously turning to bitterness. The hatred that had been foreign in its definition was thriving deep inside him. He did not recognize what he was experiencing, but he welcomed the relief of feeling nothing as his heart grew harder by the day.

He stood begrudgingly at Mammy's graveside during the hastily planned, improper funeral. He did not want to be here and was trying desperately to find a way to escape. Mammy had not wanted him here. She had said as much, and he refused to pay attention or participate in the service no matter what his mother said. As soon as the funeral was over, he ran up to him room and stayed there until all of the guests were gone, avoiding visitors with their trite sayings, offered to ease pain which he did not welcome or want. He had already said his goodbyes to Mammy, and he lay there on his bed, remembering her strength and the last words she had spoken to him. After he had savored the pleasant memories, gaining power from them, his mind began to wander, wondering if he would soon be going back to Atlanta.

The next day he unwittingly slept late, and climbed from his bed with a soreness penetrating his body, as if he had tossed and turned all night. He tentatively dressed and tried to remember sleeping, but the last thing he remembered was thinking of Emily and wondering what she was doing, if she was thinking of him, and if she missed him like he missed her. Slowly, he descended the stairs, but stopped short hearing his mother and Suellen carrying on a pleasant conversation. He heard the sweetness in Scarlett's voice and immediately knew that she must be calculating some underhanded scheme. She wanted something, and she wanted it badly enough to be pleasant to Suellen, speaking with her in a voice dripping with sugar and sarcasm that only Wade could interpret.

He knelt close to the floor, unseen, and listened closely. His mother was offering Suellen money to keep him and Ella at Tara. He couldn't believe his ears and had to grasp the wall tightly to keep from losing his balance. His mother did not want him anymore than he wanted her. It did not even occur to him to be offended. He was too ecstatic. He would not be returning to Atlanta, but he would remain at Tara. He would get to help Will, and would get to see the harvest, reaping the rewards of his hard work. Relief flooded through him, making him dizzy with delight and liberation. He was finally free from Atlanta and all the darkness that was associated with the city, his family, and their dwelling.

He finally finished walking down to the dining room and took his seat, acting as though he knew nothing, smirking inwardly in his victory, but smiling pleasantly at the mother he soon would be rid of.

Scarlett's departure was delayed when Beatrice Tarleton, an old friend, raced up the road on her favorite mare, announcing that Tony Fontaine had returned from Texas. The entire countryside was elated to see him return, and the next couple days were filled with lovely dinners, visiting neighbors, and laughter ringing through the halls. To see a young beau from pre-war days incited tales of parties, dances, and barbeques that were unfathomable to Wade, for he had experienced none of it, but the stories were enticing and the exhilaration in the air was contagious, and he immersed himself in the delightful pleasantries which enveloped the county.

Wade was extremely nervous when he finally got the opportunity to visit the Fontaine's plantation, Mimosa. He knew that somewhere on the large plantation, Emily was working, gathering food and caring for her large, loving family. He secretly hoped that he would catch a glimpse of her, but was relieved when they arrived and she was nowhere to be seen. He had no idea what he would say to her if he saw her, and he didn't know if he could live through her attitude of indifference.

What he found at the Fontaine plantation was absolutely incredible. He watched Tony twirl his six shooters like a true Texas Ranger, and couldn't wait until Tony had time to teach him to do the same. Tony was a tall, swarthy man with high-heeled boots, a tall hat, and an ornery gleam in his eye. He had come back to help his brother work on the plantation, and though he knew nothing about farming, he kept the countryside entertained with tales of Texas and his gun tricks. He promised Wade to teach him how to ride and shoot like a Texan. Wade was enthralled with the idea, and Tony was proud to be idolized by this young boy in need of a father figure.

Chapter 7

Wade did not protest in the slightest when his mother announced that she would be leaving, but rather kissed her goodbye, and nodded politely as she waved. He reveled in the respite of her absence, having more time to work with Will and play with Tony. Finally, his life had taken a positive turn, and he was truly enjoying himself. Planting was done, so it was time to turn to upkeep on the house and the cattle. Wade helped Will mend fences, feed the cattle, and fix small things around the house. The days were filled with duties, and Wade had never felt so useful or alive. He was needed. He had lists of chores to carry out every day, and he completed each one with a sense of pride and accomplishment.

When chores were done and the day was through, he ate a hearty meal and joined the members of the house in the evening devotions. After only a few recitals, he remembered every response of the catholic prayers, and he recited them with force and conviction. Somehow, he had regained God's favor, and although he did not understand, he would never question it. Of course, after the rituals were completed and he was alone, he would spend long hours talking with God, thanking him for his many blessings, praying for rain and a good harvest, and asking Him to keep His protective hand on Emily, though she may never be his friend again.

Wade spent every weekend with Tony. They didn't have time during the week because Tony was working just as hard as Wade on his own plantation, but the weekend was designated as time for relaxation, which is exactly what they did. Tony taught him how to twirl his six shooters, letting him practice with the set with the beautiful ivory handles. He learned how to ride a horse like a Texan, flying fast as the wind through the countryside. Tony even taught him all the secrets he had learned as a Texas Ranger about how to walk, track, and live like the Native Americans. Soon, he was sneaking through the country, never being seen.

After some early morning chores one Saturday, Wade skipped to the Fontaine plantation, expecting to practice his quick draw. He strolled the last few yards, taking in the scent of the crisp, fall air. Soon it would be time to harvest so he was determined to enjoy the relaxation of the day before the long hard days of cotton picking would begin. Knocking on the door, he fully expected to see Tony fling it open and race outside, glad to be away from the never ending work. However, when the door opened slowly, he came face to face with Emily, dressed in one of Sally's old dresses that hung to the floor. Wade stood there, astonished at the surprise of seeing Emily in the Fontaine house and the way she had grown seemingly overnight. She looked more like a lady than a small girl.

"Good morning, Mr. Hamilton." Emily smiled tight-lipped, not expecting to see him at the door, unsure of how to respond to his call.

Wade jumped slightly, remembering the manners his mother had taught him. "Good morning Miss Emily. I am here to see Mr. Fontaine. Can you tell him I am here, please?"

Tony came sauntering to the door, gathering his gun belt and six shooters. He was wearing his high-heeled boots that Wade eyed with envy, wondering how he could talk his mother into getting him a pair. They said goodbye to Emily, and walked to the south side of the house where Tony had already set up targets for their quick draw practice.

"All right, boy, you ready to practice? I swear, last time I thought you was trying to outrun molasses. You were so slow that I think a turtle could outdraw you." Tony's eyes sparkled with laughter. He didn't mean any harm, and Wade took no offense at the friendly ribbing that he had grown accustomed to since spending time with Tony.

Wade was still thinking about Emily, and there was no way he could concentrate on shooting. He was pretty sure that Emily had not mentioned him so he thought he would broach the subject vaguely. "So, who is that girl that answered the door?"

Tony ran to check the targets, "That's Emily. Her family is working a plot of land that we leined to them. They help us work in the fields, and in return they get a place to live and a few acres to grow their garden. Then when the cotton sells, they get a couple of dollars to buy supplies."

Wade knew all this, but he was trying to find a way to get more information out of him. "Does the girl always work in the big house? Is that part of the deal?"

Tony aimed his pistol at the target, checking the sights. "No, she just started coming up to the big house and working with Sally. She is convinced that Sally is a lady, so she has become her protégé', although I don't think that the poor girl knows that since the end of the war, the belle of the county has been eradicated. Are we gonna shoot guns or shoot the bull?"

Wade walked to Tony's side, hardly listening to his instructions, trying to make sense of things. "About what time did she start coming up here?"

"Oh, I don't know. I think it was about the same time as your mother got here."

Tony slid his pistols into his holsters, and drew them quickly, shooting at the target. Bull's eye! Tony kicked up his feet, running up to check his work, two holes, straight through his paper targets. "All right. It's your turn, boy. Get on up here."

Wade took the holster and hooked it around his hips, grabbed the ivory handles and waited for Tony's signal. Dropping his hands, he looked at Tony questionably and asked, "Why doesn't her mother or sisters teach her all that woman stuff?"

"She ain't got none," Tony replied. "Her mother died right after the war. She lives down there with just her Pa and her brothers. Come on now, get it in gear." Tony gave the signal for Wade to draw.

Wade drew the pistols as fast as he could grab them, pulled the trigger on each one, and closed his eyes, hoping to hit the target. He heard a crash, and Tony make a sound. When he opened his eyes, Tony looked as if he had seen a ghost with large eyes and a pounding heart. Turning toward the targets, he realized that he hadn't hit either of them, and his heart sank with disappointment, then fear as he wondered where the bullets had strayed.

"Boy, what are you doing? You may have sped up your draw, but if you don't hit the target, you'd still be dead! If you're in a gunfight, you either shoot him or he'll shoot you, and with an aim like that, you'd be good as gone, and people would be laughing at your grave." Tony chuckled just a little and chucked Wade on the arm, but he was sincerely scared. The bullet had ricocheted off a tree, and had returned pretty close to him and Wade. It would be even more embarrassing to have to explain to the girls why one of them got shot in the leg when they were practicing.

"I guess I am just not in the right frame of mind to be shooting right now. Can we try it again later?" Wade looked at him hopefully.

"Well, you know we're gonna start harvesting tomorrow. I'll bet Will is already planning the harvest on Tara, too. Then as soon as that is done, you gotta start school. But don't worry, we'll sneak around and find some time." Tony smiled broadly, tipping his ten gallon hat.

Wade walked back home slowly, running through his mind the things that Tony had said. Everything that Emily had told him from the first day they met had been a lie. She lied about her family and the stories she told, everything. She was just like everyone else he knew, and his chest ripped open as if he was hearing all their deceit for the first time again. Aunt Melly had lied about his father even as she was telling him not to fib to his mother, Scarlett had lied repeatedly, and he was even convinced that Rhett had lied when he called Wade his little boy. They were all dirty, rotten hypocrites.

Now Emily was among the mix, with her funny stories about her brother playing tricks on her mother. It was so amusing, she was probably laughing every time he left, knowing she had tricked him again. The thought made his temples throb with anger, and he wondered how many other things she had conveniently omitted. Now, she thought she was too ladylike to sit with him at the creek and talk, and she had to go consort with girls who probably knew nothing about fishing for crawdads or gathering berries. Who did she think she could fool with her fancy dresses, shoes, and neatly plaited hair?

That was fine. He was done. He was done with all the deceptions and the impostors. He wanted nothing more to do with anyone who deceived and tricked him, and he would never be pulled into that trap again. Mammy had warned him against hatred, and he had no plan for revenge, but he would certainly remain on his guard. What was that Rhett said? He told him to avoid women like his mother, and Emily had just proven that she easily cast aside virtue. As he rounded the corner, blocking the view of Mimosa, he blocked all thought of Emily, focusing on his future and Tara as it came into view.

The fields were white, billowing with fluffs of cotton waiting to be harvested. Within a few days, his back ached from bending over, gathering the balls of downy livelihood. His fingers bled from pulling the cotton from its stingy fingers and stuffing it into his bag, thrown over his shoulder which was becoming blistered and sore from the weight. With each row, he felt the pang of childbirth as he reaped the tender growth he had sown in the land and his heart. The reward of hard months of plowing, hoeing, and watering grew obvious as the cash crop began to fill the former slave quarters, awaiting its sale for a higher price than it had seen in years.

However, farmers across the land found that prices had not risen to pre-war times, nor would it ever again. Cotton, which had once been the mainstay in central Georgia, had now become almost worthless, as could be seen in the current market. Never again would the cotton king arise. People across the south cried for their loss of value, wondering how they would recover without funding needed to recuperate their losses or the help they needed in order to regain the land which had been severely overwrought with unwanted growth, desertion, and undernourishment. As ten people tried desperately to do the work of a hundred men, frustration and discouragement settled over them, and many left a land that had turned against them.

Wade found that Tony had joined them. Frustrated with work that he did not understand or love, Tony decided to return to Texas and rejoin the Texas Rangers. Harvest was done, and although he was needed, he felt as if his presence was a hindrance. He would never get used to this new way of life, the rough life of hard work, long days, uncomely clothes, and calloused hands. His heart ached for the old days of gallantry, gentlemen, ladies, and talk of honor and chivalry, where the most beguiling thought consisted of dance partners and menus, and the responsibilities of men were few.

Wade had never known that life, nor did he want to. He loved the land, working with his hands in the fields, hearing the crunch of leaves under his feet as he walked, and feeling the chill of fall settle in the air. School would start in a few days, and although he was in no hurry to leave his life of serenity, he did look forward to resuming his studies, reading new books, and meeting the other students in the county. He would be attending the county school at the Tarleton residence, where Miss Tarleton would attempt to teach the basic academics to a handful of students.

Scarlett had sent plenty of money to clothe the children, and Suellen had gone to Jonesboro to find new clothing for Wade and Ella because they had long outgrown their Atlanta attire. His sister, Ella, would be attending school this year, as well, and she was terribly nervous, questioning Wade until he was irritated, but he assured her that he would walk with her every day, and she would be with him the entire time. As they walked to school the first morning, Wade nodded distractedly as Ella rattled on endlessly. He considered asking Suellen to keep Ella home, for she would certainly hinder his studies, but Ella was so excited, he could hardly keep her from attending. It was a long walk, and he began to feel uneasy, but he stood tall, holding Ella's hand to give her strength, and walked straight to the school house door.

When the door opened, Miss Tarleton opened the door widely, welcoming them with a smile and warm words, "So these are Scarlett's children. I am so happy to have you here." They returned her smile and walked in to take their seats.

Ella suddenly felt Wade's hand let go of hers, and she turned to see him bite his lip. She knew he could not be nervous, he had gone to school before, and he already knew how to read. Looking harder, though, she could not tell what he saw that would make him so pale. She had seen that look before, but not since Mother had left. That was the look that washed across his face whenever she scolded him. He looked scared and timid, breathless, and unmoving. She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the first available seat, then followed his eyes to the girl beside him.

She had never seen her before, but she was very beautiful. She had such dark blue eyes that seemed to bubble with happiness, reflecting the beauty around her. Small blonde curls struggled to free themselves from the tight roll on the back of her neck. As soon as Wade sat down beside her, a faint blush ran through her cheeks, and she looked angelically lovely. Ella knew from that moment that she would love to have this pretty young girl as her friend, and she immediately introduced herself, causing Wade to blush as well. Ella was not sure what was wrong with the two of them, but she hoped it did not happen to all students, and she returned her concentration on the teacher in the front of the room.

Wade sat through endless lectures, eagerly waiting the moment he could jump and run from the room, escaping the heart-ripping pressure that weighed on him. There was no way he could endure her presence throughout the school year, and he could only concentrate on the burning on the back of his neck when she lowered her eyes demurely and turned her head toward him, hoping to catch his eyes in her own. It would not happen, though, he would not allow her to make eye contact, pulling him back, ensnaring him in her web to be consumed and destroyed. The moment the students were dismissed, he ran from the room, leaving Ella behind, and ran down the road without looking back. He heard his name being called, but he refused to acknowledge the plea.

When he reached the house, he began his campaign with Aunt Suellen to quit school. He begged and pleaded to be allowed to stay home, he didn't need education; he would farm. In spite of his daily appeals, she insisted that his mother wanted him to have an education and to uphold the legacy of his father. So she sent him on the long trek toward another place of burden, where he would sit in torture, as far away from Emily as he could manage in the small, claustrophobic schoolroom. He could feel the walls closing in on him, and he gasped for breath when he caught her eye, staring at him, imploring his attention. Slowly, distressingly, the walls began to crumble, and could no longer feel his anger and unwelcome emotions of want and sorrow began to pry into his hardened heart, making him ache.

As the Christmas Season approached, the county became brighter, not with ornate, expensive decorations as in the past, but with handmade ornamentation and glowing faces. The exuberance of the season made Wade's heart ache more inconsolably. He knew that missed opportunities had ruined the lives of so many, and he decided to give Emily the chance to explain her deception, hoping that misunderstanding had been at the core of their problem. He longed to spend time with her, again, and the delight in the faces around him only intensified his need for companionship.

When Miss Tarleton asked for volunteers to help decorate the schoolhouse with gathered mistletoe and garland that the children had made, and Emily volunteered, he volunteered as well. He sent Ella on her way home with a message that he would be along shortly, and he gathered his courage to be alone with Emily and ask her the questions that he gravely needed answered. Miss Tarleton kept them busy climbing ladders, hanging decorations, and making them laugh with hilarious stories of the pre-war days, filled with jovial cheer. He wished he had spent as much time with his own grandfather as Miss Tarleton had because she made him sound so lively, cheerful, and entertaining, not despondent and wretchedly insane, as he remembered him when he was a young child. When they finally finished, they surveyed their work with satisfaction. The school room would be a cheerful place to spend their last few weeks before the Christmas Holiday. Bright greenery hung from rafters, and children's works of art covered every wall. A small Christmas tree stood in the corner, covered with strings of garland making it dance childishly.

After Miss Tarleton thanked them, Emily slid her shawl around her shoulders and prepared to walk the long distance home. Wade walked up beside her, and they didn't speak for a few minutes as he considered how to approach the subject delicately. Finally, he stopped her in the road, and turned her towards him. She lowered her eyes, and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Thank you for walking with me, Mr. Hamilton, I declare it is certainly chilly out here, and I would hate to catch my death of cold. Is there something you needed, or are you just toying with me, you handsome thing?" Emily continued to eye him demurely, flirting with him shamelessly.

Wade felt his stomach lurch and his temples began to throb. "Please drop the coquetry, it doesn't appeal to me, nor does it flatter you. If you cannot level with me, then I do not wish to speak with you," he said, throwing his cards on the table, and demanding her sincerity.

Emily's mouth opened and closed, unable to respond. The months of training by Sally Fontaine had never prepared her for this turn in the conversation, and she had never seen a man speak to a woman in this manner. As usual, she had once again forgotten that they were not adults, but adolescents who had experienced too much to act as children, but not enough to compel them to act as adults. His rash speech threw her back into a childish rage, frustrated that her attempt at seduction had not succeeded.

She responded slowly so as not to lose her temper, "What would you like to speak with me about? You haven't spoken in so long, that I almost forgot the sound of your voice. It almost seems rude, now that you grace me with your conversation, you address me so severely."

Now it was his turn to stare at her incredulously. "You lied to me! You told me hundreds if not thousands of lies." He suddenly felt his hurt and anger flood over him as he demanded answers to the questions that had tormented him for so long.

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry that I lied, I meant no harm."

"What do you mean, you meant no harm? Who were you trying to help? Were you laughing at me everyday when I left, knowing you had tricked me again? Have you conspired with my mother to deceive me and persecute me with you female wiles?"

She almost laughed aloud at his ridiculous accusations and the look on his face as he began to tremble, but she realized his anguish, and distressed that she had been the cause of that look of pain on his face. "Wade, I did not mean to hurt you. I was only thinking of myself. When I was with you, I could pretend that my mother was still alive, and make up stories that would make me feel better. When I was with you, I did not have to face reality, but I could pretend that my life was the way I wanted it to be, and I could feel free for just a while." She turned toward the road and began to walk. She had already told him more than she wanted to tell him, and she had to change the subject before she relinquished any more. Wade would not drop the subject until he was satisfied, though, and she knew it. She had to find some way to avoid direct questions, spinning circles to protect herself and him.

Wade turned after her and lengthened his stride to catch up, digesting this bit of information. "Why did you run from me that day at the creek, and then pretend you didn't know me when I visited Tony?"

"I cannot explain for an explanation would expose my faults, and I prefer that you did not see my open wounds in the light of day. Allow me to keep some dignity."

"How can you expect me to accept that answer?"

"If you cannot accept that answer, I can no longer continue the conversation." Staring straight ahead, she continued walking, not allowing him to see her expression.

Wade caught her arm and pulled her back to him, forcing her to look into his eyes. The agony that she saw there frightened her, and she stood very still. "Tell me, what do you want from me? You talk, then run, then avoid, then flirt. Whether or not it has been purposeful, you have been toying with me, and I cannot endure it any longer. Tell me what you want." He still held her arm tightly, as if his firm grip would some how persuade her to open up, but it was not his squeeze on her arm that made her respond, but the look of suffering in his eyes.

"The only thing I have ever wanted from you is you. I want your eyes to see me as I long to be seen, your ears to hear the truth in my voice, your heart to synchronize with mine. I want you to accept me without judgment, and I want you to accept the same from me." Emily pulled her arm away from him sharply and stamped her foot. "Laugh if you want, I have bared my soul, and if you do not respond, it will never happen again." She stared at him intensely, waiting for an answer, some affirmation that she had not made a complete fool of herself.

Before he realized what he was doing, he tenderly reached up to her face, and stroked it gently. Meeting her eyes, he pulled her towards him, closed his eyes and touched her lips with his own, sending vibrations throughout his body, warming his cold hands, and shattering the coldness that had grown around his heart. He wrapped his arms around her and breathed in the lovely fragrance of her hair and whispered gently, "I love you, too." Then reaching for her hand, he continued to walk with her, smiling contentedly. He had no idea that he had won her heart forever, and she breathed a long sigh of relief. When they finally reached the turnoff where they would part, they lingered for a moment, reluctantly saying good-bye and planning to meet on the morrow.

Knowing that she was his, gave him feeling of completion that shown on his face and even Will and Suellen recognized the change in him. Suellen was excited to see his brilliant smile return, and they celebrated the holidays with joy. They attended gatherings throughout the county and hosted one at their own house. Wade felt the house fill with laughter and happiness that he had not experienced in a long time, and he hoped that his mother was doing well for she had not written or visited, but had sent presents for all the children, and small gifts for Suellen and Will. Wade received a pair of six shooters from Scarlett, and he spent every free moment during his holiday practicing his shooting and drawing. He was only sorry that Tony had already gone back to Texas and he could not see him draw his pistol so quickly and hit he target every time.

Whenever it was possible, Wade would sneak down to the creek to see Emily, and if she was there, they would huddle on the frozen ground, talking gaily of the parties and presents. From time to time, he wondered if she was embellishing her stories, but remembering what she had said about needing to be free, he didn't ask or judge. He was willing to accept her and hoped he was everything she needed. When they finally got to return to school after the holidays, they walked to school everyday, and then walked home as Ella danced around them, excited with the knowledge she had attained during the day.

The days were growing longer and warmer, and Wade had completely forgotten his birthday pass for he had not gotten any notes or visit from his mother. He almost felt relieved at the thought that she had forgotten his existence. In the past, every time things had finally been repaired, his mother would step in, just in time to mess things up again, and he truly wanted to hold on to the bliss that filled his days and his dreams at night.

On their last day of school for the year, they walked home chattering uncontrollably, planning all of the activities that would fill their summer. Wade would soon be working in the fields again, for it was almost time to plant, so they filled every waking moment with plans of walking in the woods, gathering berries, and maybe a secret trip to Jonesboro. They had several months to work and play, and they had to make the most of it. As they were talking, suddenly a rider appeared behind them, billowing dust around him. Wade looked up, expecting to see a stranger asking for directions, but instead, he saw the form and face of Rhett Butler, sitting astride a handsome stallion, holding the reins of another horse. Wade stood back as Ella ran to him with her arms extended, giggling excitedly.

Rhett dismounted and took Ella in his arms, holding her as she babbled on about school and other things. He laughed gently, then set her on the ground, approaching Wade and Emily as they stood in the middle of the dirt road uncomfortably.

"Hello, Wade," Rhett extended his hand.

Wade shook his hand and nodded, puzzled by Rhett's surprise visit. He had not heard from him since his hasty departure after Mammy's death, and he was undecided as to the appropriate response. He decided to treat Rhett as a gentlemen friend, once again employing the manners that his Mammy had taken such pains to teach him.

"It's good to see you, sir. What brings you to this part of the country?"

Rhett grasped the reins of his horses and accompanied them on the road home. "I came to visit the two of you. Who is your friend?"

Wade introduced Emily, who smiled broadly and lifted her hand to Rhett, as he bowed above it, "It is a pleasure, Miss Emily." Emily knew Rhett the moment she saw him, for Wade had spoken of him often, and he had not slighted him in his description of his appearance or demeanor. She was interested by this handsome man with such charming charisma. When turned back to Wade, she saw his stony face, and she rejoined his side, seizing his hand until they had walked to the end of the lane where they would depart.

After saying their good-byes, Rhett continued his discussion with Wade. "So has occupied your time over the last few months, son?"

Wade was surprised and confused at the term of endearment, but he ignored it for the moment, hoping to avoid confrontation. "We have been going to school. Soon, we will begin planting the cotton. Are you going to stay for supper? Ella, go tell Aunt Suellen that Uncle Rhett is here, and he intends to stay for supper."

They sat on the chairs on the long, open porch after Rhett had tied the reins on the banister and removed the bags that had been tied on the horses. "So what do you think of your horse?" Rhett stretched his legs, and lit a cigar.

Wade looked at him questioningly. "I'm not sure I understand."

"I heard that you learned to shoot with your new six-shooters, and that Tony Fontaine had taught you how to ride, and I remembered how much you loved to ride while you were in Atlanta, so I brought you a mustang. He is still pretty young. You see that dappled grey color? As he gets older, it will turn completely grey and eventually white. That is how you can tell the age of the horse."

Wade continued to stare at Rhett, astonished at his presence and even more at his horse. He walked down the steps and stretched out his hand to stroke his back and run his fingers through his mane. "Does he have a name?"

"His name is Silver. Quite fitting don't you think?"

Wade smiled. He loved the name Silver. He put his foot up in the stirrups and mounted him, then walked him slowly around the yard a few paces.

"Now, in order to complete the look, I have a pair of boots and a hat in my bags. After I give the other kids their gifts, I will get them for you." Rhett tipped his black hat and strode into the house, announcing that he had gifts for everyone. Ella and Susie squealed with delight when Rhett handed them beautiful dolls that were almost as big as they were, with small painted faces and brightly colored dresses. To Suellen he handed long rolls of magnificent fabric to make dresses for herself and the girls, and after dinner, he handed Will a box of cigars. They strolled out onto the porch. Will handed a cigar to Rhett and they began talking about the planting.

Long after bedtime, Wade lie in his bed wondering what had made Rhett come. He was resting in the living room, so Wade decided to sneak down and see if he was still awake. When he reached the living room, he could see the light burning, and Rhett was sitting up, thinking silently. Wade knocked gently on the door, and entered on Rhett's request. He fumbled for a moment trying to find the words to say.

Finally, he spoke, "Why did you come here?"

Rhett knew that the question had to be asked, and had anticipated his response, "Do you remember the afternoon when Bonnie was born and I said you were my little boy? You are no longer my little boy. You have grown like a weed, but you are like my son, just the same."

"Are you living with Mother in Atlanta?"

"No," Rhett saw the boy flinch, "She and I will not live together again, but that doesn't mean that I can't come see you sometimes, does it?"

Wade considered Rhett's words, memories of his last visit burning in his mind, "Why did you not find me last time you were here?"

"I did not know you witnessed that horrific scene. I wish you had not." Rhett's voice never quavered, and his words rolled from his tongue as if they had been memorized and perfected. He always had a way of soothing the wildest beast, and he knew he could soothe the hurt feelings of this young man, but he also knew the boy's gift of intuition, the ability to see through to the heart of any matter, calling a bluff as quickly as it was thrown. "It was something I had to do for Mammy, and for your mother. I didn't want you to be part of the play that had to be performed, and I don't want you to be either hurt or worried by those actions. What remains will remain, and what is done is done. Now, how about a game of cards? You don't have school in the morning do you?"

"Today was our last day," Wade beamed with pride, telling Rhett about his marks and all about Emily. They talked all night long about their respective lives, and when the morning sun rose, all was forgiven and forgotten. Wade had rediscovered his old hero, and had become a hero in Rhett's eyes as well. After breakfast, Rhett said his goodbyes, promising to return soon, as the family stood on the porch to bid him farewell, waving until he had ridden out of sight.

Wade stretched tiredly, knowing that he would be very tired by the end of the day, after staying up all night, but today was the first day of planting, and there was nothing that could keep him from work today. He had been looking forward to planting day since the last day of harvest. He and Will walked to the barn, and he showed Will his mustang. He was certainly a beautiful beast, a mottled grey with a mane that seemed to glisten with silver, and dark grey stockings. He was just the right size for Wade to ride comfortably, and he would grow with him to become a magnificent animal, perfect for riding, jumping, and racing through the countryside. Will agreed that Rhett had good sense when it came to choosing a horse.

Chapter 8

The new planting season was almost like a new beginning, turning the earth, readying it for a small seed that would take root and begin a new life, and that was exactly how he felt he had turned his life around. The old, rank dirt was buried below the fresh soil that had been turned, and in this fresh soil he had sown the seeds of renewed relationships and thought processes. He viewed his life in a new way, and over the next few years, as he turned the earth, leading the horse through the hard, red clay, reclaiming the land, he examined his own soil, throwing out clumps, weeds, and snares. He had recently turned fourteen, and he had seen and experienced true stability. No dramatic entries, torturous emotional quandaries, or heart-wrenching sickness and death. He led a peaceful life in the country, on the land that he loved, with a family that he cherished, beside a girl he had grown to adore.

He rode all over the county on Silver and often stopped by the Fontaine plantation to pay a visit to Emily and her family. He had grown quite fond of Emily's brothers and her father, and often spent time with them. He shared any tips he had learned from Will about making the cotton produce better quality, and they were sharing the secrets of their own underground industry. Of course, they had no idea that his true intent was to spend time with Emily, for when they were around he was completely cordial with her. Just being in her presence was lovely. She had grown into a strikingly beautiful young lady, and Will often dreamt of the day when she would become the lady of Tara. He dared not share these dreams with her, but he thought of them as he roamed the countryside on his mustang, which was losing its dappled color, just as Rhett had predicted.

Ella had grown to be a pretty young lady, tall and wiry, with long, straight brown hair that Suellen often threatened to cut short as she dealt with the long thin strands that slithered out of the braids and became a tangled mess. Wade did not look at her closely very often, but he had noticed that her eyes had become a beautiful hazel color with combinations of brown and green, and sometimes changed in shade according to the color of dress she chose to wear. Being the oldest girl of the house with her three younger female cousins, Ella had learned how to push her way around, and regained the self-confidence that she lost as a young child. She followed Aunt Suellen around, learning how to become a lady of the big house on a large plantation, taking in all the responsibilities of a wife and mother, carefully planning her own future keeping her own eternal secrets, the secrets of a young girl longing for their own life.

Just as Ella followed Suellen, Wade kept a close eye on Will, studying his work on the farm as well as his life in the house. Without a father, Wade had never seen his own father, and he decided that he must be prepared to run his household smoothly, especially if he expected to win Emily's heart. He watched Will rise early to work in the fields, planting cotton, clearing land, and planting more. After a long day's work, he barely made it into the house before four girls ran to him, hugging him closely. He pecked each child on her head, then sent them giggling, comparing the amount of dirt that had rubbed off on their pretty, clean dresses. He walked straight to Suellen, gave her a delicate kiss, and whispered a secret, the secret to be shared between lovers, then she playfully swatted him with her dishtowel, sending him to clean up before supper.

Throughout supper, Will would eat slowly, allowing time for each child to tell him about her day, responding with facial gestures, and words of laughter or sadness, sending looks to Suellen at the other end of the table. Finally, at the end of the long day, children were tucked into bed, and the rest of the evening was left for the two of them, Suellen with her sewing, and Will whittling as he listened to Suellen talk about her day. The closeness between them was only apparent to those who cared to pay attention, detecting looks across the room, unreadable glances that could only be interpreted by the other, gentle touches as he held her chair and supported her as they ascended the stairs to retire at the end of the day. After years of marriage, they were in love, and Wade watched their every move, knowing that he would do whatever it took to imitate their moves and create a similar life for Emily.

The sun was shining brightly as Wade gathered his courage, riding Silver through the fields to Emily. He slowed to a trot, listening to the mating calls of the birds, surveying the land, making plans for the next acreage to be cleared, and formulating the words that he rely on to inspire Emily to promise her future to him. He saw her working in the garden, and he dismounted his horse to stroll to her side, smiling broadly.

Emily spotted him immediately, and her heart skipped a beat as he swaggered across the lawn. His height was deceiving, and he looked far older than his fourteen years, with his wiry build disguising his strength. His tan face and sun bleached hair complemented his brown eyes which danced with mischievousness whenever he was near her. He was truly a handsome young man, and she loved being near him for he was kind, gentle, and strong. She felt safe when he was near, a feeling that she did not usually have the privilege of experiencing. She smiled and waved a he came near, gesturing to him to come inspect her newest crops of potatoes and onions.

He placed his hand on her back and she turned her head quickly so he didn't see her flinch with pain. "Hey! I am glad to see you. Do you think I planted these deep enough?" Emily questioned.

Wade bent down to inspect her work, still grinning, "These look great." He stood up and grabbed her hand, "There is something I want to talk to you about. Come sit with me for a few moments."

Emily held his hand, squeezing firmly, then let go, "Actually, I need to talk to you, too, before Pa and my brothers get home. Wade, they want me to quit school. I am not required to go, and it is more important that I learn about how to be a wife and a mother. I am going to spend more time with Sally. She has a new baby, so I am going to help her, and learn how to take care of a house. They are preparing me for marriage, I guess." Emily ducked her head, embarrassed.

Wade paused for a moment, relieved that she had brought up the subject of marriage. "Well, then that is what I will do, too. The law states that this was the last year that I am required to go." Wade beamed for his plan was falling perfectly into place.

"No, you have to finish. Your father went to the University and he would have wanted you to be a lawyer like him. It has been your dream since the first day we met and talked. You certainly can't give up your dreams."

"My dreams have changed," Wade averted his eyes, gaining strength, then looked directly at her, taking in every curve of her face, wanting to remember this moment forever. "My dream is to be at Tara, farming. Will says that he will speak with my mother about leaving Tara to me." He stopped, taking a deep breath, "Emily, I want you to be by my side at Tara. I know that it is not the grand plantation that it once was, but I believe we can make it beautiful again, raising cotton and children." Once his voice began tumbling, he had to stop for these were not the words that he had planned. The words were coming out wrong, and he was afraid that she would misread his intentions. "Emily, I love you, and I cannot fathom spending one moment of my life without you. I know we will have to wait a couple of year, but that will give us each time to learn everything we need to run Tara like a fine plantation. I just want you to promise that you will be mine." He examined her face, trying to discern her reaction to everything he said, but he could see nothing, and before she could reply, he heard a whoop from the fields as her Pa and brothers came sauntering to the house. Wade bade goodbye to them and trotted back to Tara wondering what she would have said if they had not been interrupted. Anxiety churned his stomach hoping that she returned his sentiments.

That evening after prayers, Wade remained in the sitting room with Will, waiting for the opportunity to approach the subject of school. Finally, Will sat down and picked up the piece of wood he had been whittling the previous evening. He was constructing a new toy for one of the girls.

"Uncle Will, I have been thinking about school. This is the last year that I have to go, and I don't figure I need more schooling if I am going to stay here and work on the farm with you."

Will didn't look up from his work, and kept an even voice as he replied, "I reckon that's a subject you need to take up with your ma."

"Well, I would, but we don't even know where she is. She ran off, so it would seem that this decision should be up to us, don't you think?"

"Aunt Suellen got this today," Will stopped and handed Wade a telegram.

WILL BE AT TARA stop MEET ME IN JONESBORO stop.

Wade felt the blood rush from his face, dropping the telegram, weakness wafted through his body, and he had to grip the side of the chair to keep from falling out of it. The world started spinning, and he closed his eyes for a moment, willing his strength to return.

Will kept an eye on Wade as he watched this rush of emotion, secretly wishing that the look was one of relief, but more aware of the look of fear. "Since she will be here, you can take it up with her."

"Oh, Uncle Will, I can't. She won't listen to me and she won't understand. You have to talk to her. You can talk to her on the way from Jonesboro. She listens to you and respects you."

"I don't like meddling in family business, Wade. You know that. This is between you and your ma."

Wade began to plead, and Will understood his fear. For many years he had watched the effect that Scarlett had on her children, and he hated to see all their progress ruined with one short visit. She had said nothing about taking the children, but he suddenly felt Wade's urgency, and against his better judgment, agreed to plead Wade's case with his mother. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but the boy deserved a break, someone to fight this battle. Wade had learned to stand up for himself, but it would always be a challenge when it came to his mother, for she had a hold on him that only he could break, if and when he was ready.

From the moment Wade found out that Scarlett was on her way, panic began to take hold of him. Dreams of fire, screaming, and running from confederates tormented him nightly, and he would wake in the morning drenching with sweat. Once again, he was reigned in by terror, and he could not find the strength to break away. His mother would soon be standing on this soil, the place where had finally found peace, and she would take his peace, stability, and the pride that he had finally mustered. Once again, the moment that he had made plans, and found happiness, she would come to destroy it, crumpling every smidgen of self-esteem bit by bit with words of chagrin and humiliation. Her own need to control everyone and everything around her caused a path of destruction that could only be reinforced by her self-centered demands, sabotaging every relationship around her. He must find a way to break away from her, choose his own destiny that did not include her, and reclaim his dignity. He would find a way.

Upon Scarlett's arrival, the tone was set for her visit. Wade stood on the porch waiting for her to finish her visit to her parents' gravesite, and when she finally came to stand on the porch beside him, he realized that he had grown quite a bit taller. In fact, he could see above her, and it gave him a strange feeling of freedom. She could no longer look down on him physically, nor did he have to allow her to compromise his dignity through mental struggles and adversarial remarks. Her entire demeanor had changed and she was no longer bound with strict indignation or authority. She looked peaceful and calm. She had grown older, and her face showed signs of hard work, yet youthfulness still danced in her eyes. Although he could not forgive her for years of heartache that she had wreaked upon him, he could now face her without trembling, and greet her properly, without cowering and being overwrought with hiccups.

She reached toward him to hug him briefly, and he bravely returned the sentiment, not allowing himself to recoil. Then she went to Ella, who had been hiding behind Suellen. Ella allowed herself to be hugged, never loosening her hold from Suellen, and though she had grown, in her childlike mind, she felt as though she were meeting a stranger. She had not seen her mother in three years, and she had emotionally adopted Aunt Suellen, forgetting Scarlett and the strenuous life that had been theirs. Too much time had passed for restoration that had been Scarlett's intent, for she did not know her children, and they had no desire to know her. She had become a passing painful memory that could only be conjured up by her presence, and they both secretly hoped that she would not remain long, disturbing their new found lives that they had learned to cherish far more than they had ever loved their life with her.

The bickering between Scarlett and Suellen began almost immediately, as it had since they were young children, and did not stop until the moment Scarlett decided to leave. They bickered constantly over the children, the house, the farm, and even the way Suellen had chosen the new décor. Nothing suited Scarlett. She had expected to return to a house of lovely memories to be shared with her children, but everything had changed and it did not satisfy her thirst for quiet reminiscence. She had grown away from her home, and although this would always be her home, she did not feel welcome with her sister or her children.

Suellen still harbored a great amount of hostility toward Scarlett, not only for taking Frank Kennedy, which she would never verbally admit, but also for stranding her two small children, and leaving them in her care. She loved Wade and Ella as if they were her own, but she could not forgive Scarlett for the irreparable damage that had been caused, and she could not forget the long nights of hearing them both scream with terror, nursing them back to health, and nurturing them as their own mother never had. She could not let go of the pain that Scarlett had caused two children, children that were placed by God in her care, and that she chose to abandon. She had long dreamt of having a son, and Scarlett, who had been giving the blessing of a son, was willing to throw him away at any whim that suited her. Suellen was determined that she would not allow Scarlett to push her way in on them again. She would not allow her to reclaim the hold that she had on their hearts, only to break them, sending them back into sobs, pallid evidences of torment, and dismal reflections of the lively children she knew them to be. She would protect these children to the bitter end, just as she would protect her own.

After a couple of days at Tara, Scarlett decided that she needed to go ahead and wrap up her business quickly, for she did not feel welcome or at home. She did not feel comfortable with Suellen, and even her children did not seem warm to her. That afternoon, she asked Wade to show her around the plantation and show her the progress that they had made. She donned her bonnet and walked outside where he was waiting for her. As they walked, she suddenly looped her hand through his arm, and noticed as he stiffened slightly, not expecting such a gentle gesture from her. He escorted her through the fields, showing her the rows that had been planted, and the acreage that they intended to clear, as well as the list of upgrades that they would undertake during the summer months while waiting for harvest. Scarlett reached down, running the freshly plowed soil between her fingers, stroking the new plants as they made their way through the red Georgian dirt.

"Wade, honey, I didn't know you were a natural born farmer. I am so impressed with all the work you have done here." Scarlett smiled up at him.

As long as he had waited to hear those words, he could tell they were tainted. She wanted something from him. He continued walking, refusing to acknowledge her bittersweet words, pointing and talking about their plans.

Scarlett stopped him, and turned him toward her. "Wade, I want you to come with me. I have a lot of land, and I know that with your touch, you can work miracles in my fields. I would give you your own plot with tenants that you will be in charge of." Her eyes sparkled as she began to talk about her land in Ireland, remembering the rolling green fields, her enormous home, and the secret child she had shared with no one in America. "Oh, you would love it there. It is so beautiful, and all the people there are so nice. You would be surrounded by family, and you would have your heart's desire." She stopped long enough to allow him to consider her proposition, but his mind was made up the moment the words left her mouth.

"No," Wade responded promptly, with resolve.

Scarlett was immediately taken aback. She had not expected such a determined reaction from the boy that had cowered in her presence for so many years. She knew that he had grown, and could sense his newfound freedom, but she was utterly shocked to hear him reply so determinedly. "What do you mean?"

"I meant exactly what I said, no. It sounds like a lovely place, Mother, but I have no desire to leave Tara. It has become my home."

"But you will want to leave someday, experience new places and things. Where do you expect to find a wife? Are you going to try to marry one of the old Tarleton girls?"

Wade began to bristle from her stinging words, and had to restrain himself from hurling insults at her. Instead, he remained calm and polite, "Mother, I have had plenty of experience, and I have my life planned. You do not have to worry about me, I have taken care of myself long enough, I can continue." He refused to tell her about Emily. He was convinced that if she had the slightest idea of his future, she would do whatever it took to destroy it, and he would not let her get her grips on his life again.

Scarlett did not hear a word he said. She continued as if he had not said a word, "Then again, it is early to speak of marriage. After all, you will be going to the University soon, and maybe you will meet a nice girl from a nice family, but you know, they have Universities in Ireland, or you could go to England."

"Mother, hear me clearly. I am not going to accompany you to Ireland, I am not going to the University; I am staying at Tara." Wade stood tall, keeping eye contact, demanding her attention.

Scarlett stammered. She had never heard him take such a tone, and she did not know how to respond to him. She dropped her hand from his arm, staring at him incredulously, "I see. Well, then, I will be leaving soon, let's talk of more pleasant subjects." She smiled at him, though her heart was broken. She was still his mother, and could definitely play that card, but considering her long absence, she had no legitimate argument. As badly as she hated to admit a mistake, she had to come to terms that she had made this bed, and she had to lie in it. Long ago she had burned the bridge that should have connected them, but she had been too busy, too occupied with more important matters, and now he was gone. They would never feel connected, for the bond had been broken long ago, and apparently it was beyond repair.

When Scarlett spoke to Ella about returning to Ireland, she echoed Wade's sentiments. She did not care to go with her mother; she loved Aunt Suellen and her cousins, and she couldn't imagine living anywhere else. Usually Ella bubbled with laughter, giggling, and constant chatter, but she had nothing to say to Scarlett for she was a stranger. She did not want to share her innermost secrets the way she did with Suellen. Ella was sure that Scarlett would not understand her, and she would never be willing to risk opening up to a woman so brisk, scary, and unemotional. Scarlett had never been warm, and Ella felt isolated and lonely even in the same room for she felt no kinship with her.

Scarlett had been surprised with Ella almost as much as she had been with Wade. She had always thought Ella to be an ugly child, but she had grown into a beautiful young lady. She did look quite a bit like her father, but her eyes glowed greenish, with flakes of brown, and her childish sweet face reminded her of Melanie, her sister-in-law by way of marriage to Wade's father, Charles. She missed Melanie desperately, and she hoped that Ella had the sweet, unimposing, yet lovable disposition of Melanie. If so, she would have the ability to win the hearts of everyone around her, while secretly carrying around enough strength to face a Yankee soldier or oppose a member of the Confederate Widows. Truthfully, though, Scarlett could only speculate on Ella's temperament, for she had no idea. Before now, she had never cared enough to delve into her personality, and only now did she realize the depth of the cavern that stood between her and her children.

Once they made their wishes known, Scarlett had no reason to stay on at Tara. She knew that they had inherited her streak of stubbornness, and there was no changing their minds. They wanted to stay at Tara, and they would stay. To try and make them go would only increase their resentment towards her, disabling any hope of reconciliation, and in her heart she clung to that final hope, using that gleam of faith to keep her going as she boarded the train at Jonesboro to return to Savannah. As soon as she was on her way, she began to concentrate on her young daughter, vowing to never estrange her daughter, Cat, the way she had alienated the other two.

It had been two long weeks since Wade had seen Emily. He didn't dare risk being gone from the house as long as his mother was there, for she would surely be curious about his absence and either look for him or ask about his whereabouts. He did not want his mother to have any idea that he had a love in his life for she would crush his dreams. As much as he loved Emily, he knew that she would never live up to his mother's standards for her last name was not known in Savannah, Atlanta, or Charleston among accepted circles of society, and her family leased land from friends, making them tenants rather than land owners. She was the daughter of a farmer, no more, and his mother would never allow him to marry beneath him. Whether or not society had changed, Scarlett held on to old traditions, or at least he believed that she did, and he would not endure the insulting remarks that he knew she would dole out on his dearly beloved.

As soon as Will's wagon, carrying Scarlett and all of her luggage had disappeared in a cloud of dust, Wade mounted Silver and galloped hastily to Emily. He had been replaying their last conversation in his mind, and he could wait no longer to hear her reply. He had to know exactly what she thought of his careful planning, and he could not undergo the suspense for another moment. As he galloped, he considered all of the possible scenarios then he pulled the reins, halting Silver in his steps. What if she said no just as he had told his mother no? His mother had carefully planned their return to Ireland, and she had no idea that things would not go exactly as she had anticipated. What if Emily had alternate plans, another man to whom she was pledged, or no desire to marry him? The thought horrified him, and his heart raced as he considered a negative reaction. He honestly did not know if he could bear rejection of the most significant decision he had made in his life. To even think of her refusal seemed to stop the world from spinning.

He stood there for a moment contemplating his next move. She could not refuse his proposal if he did not allow it. If he did not relight the subject, and if he refused to take notice of her initiation of the topic, she would have no opening to give him an answer. He could continue to hold on to this dream that he held so dear, never allowing anyone to devastate it or him. He was content with his plan, so he very slowly began making his way towards her house, examining his plan from every angle, making sure there were no flaws, and when he was satisfied, he nudged Silver to take him faster to her side.

As he rode up, he saw her walking slowly back from the big Fontaine house. Her hair was a disheveled mess, with blond curls curling freely from where they had wriggled their way free from the neat chignon at the base of her neck. Her dress was soiled and moist from doing laundry and caring for Sally Fontaine's new baby as she cleaned the house and began dinner. He rode up beside her, climbed down from the saddle, and offered her a ride. As exhausted as she was, she declined delicately, and continued to walk, welcoming his company. He noticed that there was a dark circle around one eye, and he questioned her, but she dismissed his question easily, blaming fatigue, and he thought no more of the issue.

He relayed the plans of his mother, and his extreme pleasure with his ability to stand up to her. "I just told her no! I could not believe it myself when the words left my mouth, but I did it. Never before have I had the courage to speak in her presence, let alone give her my opinion and expect it to be respected. She dropped the subject immediately, and left without resuming the topic, making me feel guilty, or belittling me. It was amazing." His pure joy and satisfaction lit his face. Emily soaked up his delight, pleased with his acquisition of freedom with honor. He was so involved with relating his story that he did not recognize her urgency to reach home, and by the time they had reached her house, her Pa and her brothers were already there.

They had begun to suspect something was transpiring between Wade and Emily, and as they watched them walk across the field, they sensed something between them that seemed unspeakable, dissolute, for they had no concept of purity, but rather stone cold obstinacy formed from years of heartache and classism. They knew that Wade would become a land owner, and therefore had no intentions of marrying Emily; he was leading her on, only to take her most prized possession. They would never permit that to happen, for once she had been compromised they would never see her married, thus released from their burden.

Emily saw the men waiting for her, and she knew that she must leave immediately, for she had sensed the loathing that they had begun to feel towards Wade, and she wanted to protect him from the pain that she knew too well.

"Wade, we need to talk, but not now. Meet me at the creek right after noon. I have to go now," and with that, she ran through the fields, leaving Wade to stare after her in wonder.

His plan had been only a temporary delay for the inevitable. He was going to have to face her, just as he had faced his mother, but he knew in his heart that this was going to be much more difficult. No matter what her answer, something was wrong, and he had no understanding of the charade that she had continued with him, even after their last confrontation concerning her lies. He saw her face like a portrait, the fear in her eyes as she ran toward her small, wooden shack and the urgency in her voice as she begged him to meet her tomorrow. She needed him for something far more important than an answer to his proposal. She was afraid of something, and in his darkest moments away from her, he had vowed to protect her.

He stood for a moment until she had reached her Pa and brothers then he turned, mounted his horse, and trotted slowly back to Tara trying to decide what to do. He wanted to follow her directions, but he had the distinct feeling that he needed to do something else, something far more drastic. By the time he had gotten to Tara, various scenarios had played through his mind until he was convinced that he had to go back and check on her, but he would not go unarmed. He waltzed into the house so as not to raise suspicion, and he walked up the stairs to his room, strapped on his holster and untucked his shirt, covering the weaponry strapped to his side. He walked back down the stairs, yelled to Suellen that he would be back before dinner then rode back to Emily as quickly as he could.

As he raced down the road, he spurred Silver in the flanks, urging him to go faster until her small ram shackled hut, the once abandoned slave quarters, was in sight. The scene horrified him. Pulling the reins hard enough to cause Silver to rear up, nearly toppling Wade to the ground, he leapt from the horse trying to reach Emily in time. Emily was held by her arms with her knees on the ground with one brother on each side, red faces, fierce, blazing eyes stared at her with hatred. Emily's dress was filthy as though she had been thrown to the grown and her dress had been stomped, and her beautiful, blond hair curled around her face, muddy, and tousled. Above her, her Pa stood with a long, black whip, ready to strike. Wade could barely make out the voices, as he ran.

"What did you tell him, you traitor wench? Do you want us to go to jail you stupid whore? Are you willing to trade your body to some farmer who is going to use you and throw you to the side like the trash that you are, and risk losing the food I put in your body?"

Emily's head remained low, knowing it was better to remain silent than to try to defend herself. She had learned at a young age to take her punishment quietly. Before Wade could reach her, the large, burly man swung the whip with all his might, and Wade's knees went weak as he heard the crack and saw Emily's body sag under the striking blow. Blood and dirt seeped through, staining her light cotton dress, discoloring the small, russet posies lovingly embroidered on the bodice.

Fighting rage raced through Wade's body as he reached them, drawing his pistol from his side, he raised it, aiming straight at the man holding the bullwhip, daring him to strike again. From the corner of his eye, he saw Emily's body slump to the ground, barely able to move under the strain of the wounds across her back and legs.

Suddenly, Wade felt a strike against his hand, and instinctively pulled the trigger before it flew from his hand across the yard. In the distance of his mind, he heard the fire of the bullet and Emily's scream. His eyes darted around, trying to find where the bullet had made contact, and there, before him, her younger brother lay quietly on the ground, clutching his chest. Emily mustered her strength, ripping her apron from her waist, then lay on him, applying pressure. Her face was white, as she saw the bright, red drops of blood seep from the corner of his mouth.

"Run, get Sally. Now Wade, now!" She screamed, madly possessed by fear and horror.

Wade ran to the big house, trying to sort through the events, not fully remembering what had just happened, as Emily's pa and older brother stayed behind. Her pa picked up Rex's limp body and took him into the small, damp cabin and laid him on the bed. Within a few moments, his chest began to rattle with his last breaths.

Sally Fontaine stood in the doorway adjusting to the dim light, taking in the blood that seemed to be overflowing in the small room. She went to Rex's side, heard the sounds of his chest, and recognized the sound of death, bringing back memories of treating wounded soldiers during the Civil War, and she shivered in the hot, humid, afternoon. She bent her head over him, said a prayer then rose slowly. They could see the moistness in her eyes as she walked to the door, and they knew that there was nothing she could do.

"Wade, go get Mr. Fontaine. Send him to Jonesboro to get the sheriff and the minister. Emily, come with me."

The two men stood inside the cabin, paralyzed with disbelief and confusion as Emily followed Sally out the door. "Grab that gun, wrap it up, and hide it." After Emily had done just as Sally had instructed, they began to walk slowly toward the house, though Emily did not understand why. She was also confused. Everything had happened so fast, she could not believe that he was gone, nor did it occur to her at that moment the extent of Wade's conviction. As they walked, Sally grabbed Emily's hand, and placed some bills in it, folded her fingers over them, and whispered softly, "I don't know what is going to happen, now. Do not tell anyone, not even your family or Wade about what is in your hand or where the gun is hidden. Just remember, no matter where you go you can come back. Telegram quickly." Sally squeezed Emily's hand hard, then released it, and told her to go back to the cabin and sit outside until her father gave her more instructions.

When she got back, she sat on the small rocker that had been her mother's, and looked across the fields that had suddenly changed colors. They no longer looked green with the new life that was springing up in the soil. It looked hazy, brown, and dry.

"We can't stay here. As soon as the sheriff gets here, they'll be wanting to search the place. They'll find our still and we'll be good as leased convicts." Emily's ears perked as soon as she heard her pa's voice, calm and stoic, in a moment of crisis.

"Where we gonna go, Pa? They'll hunt us down if we stay in Georgia, and even if the sheriff don't find it, that Mr. Fontaine will find it, even if that dumb boy hadn't already ratted us out."

"I don't know yet, but we gotta go now. Get your bedroll and some food. Emily, get your stuff. We're leaving!"

Emily heard her older brother's voice, "Oh Pa! We can't take her. She's just gonna cause more trouble, and we can travel faster without her slowing us down." Emily's heart leapt, hoping desperately that her Pa would listen to a voice of reason. She did not want to go, but she could never fight him. She had to follow his orders.

"She's going. Get your stuff, now!"

Emily ran inside the house and grabbed her bedroll which was always neatly in the corner, and discreetly slid Wade's six-shooter deep inside. They had been through this before, and she knew the drill. They would load their packs onto the old, broad pack horse, and they would walk until they reached a place that her pa could stand. Only this time, there would be one less pack and one less traveler. By the time Mr. Fontaine, Sally, and Wade had returned with the sheriff, the family had gone, taking hidden routes. They stole out of there more quickly than they had come.

Chapter 9

Just as Emily's pa had predicted, the sheriff searched the place and found their still. They had been sharecropping, but in order to get extra cash, they had been making moonshine since they had settled on the property, a highly illegal activity since the recently passed legislation requiring all distillers to pay tax on their product. If they had been caught, they would have stood trial, been found guilty, and become part of the convict lease program within the year. As it stood, the only evidence of the shooting was missing, a young boy was dead, and all witnesses had fled the scene. There was nothing more that could be done.

Will and Suellen had been summoned, and after the long day of questioning, they escorted Wade back to Tara, arms entwined, supporting Wade as he walked weakly. Even without the help of his mother, his life had been destroyed in one fell swoop, and it took every minute piece of energy just to keep himself upright, as the weight of his heartache weighed on his chest like a giant monster waiting to consume him. Every step felt as if he were toting pounds of bricks; his legs were heavy as if bound by the imaginary chains that should have bound him for his part in the man's death. They continued to hold him up, taking him upstairs, and laying him on his bed, where he rolled over to face the wall, unwilling to talk and unwilling to receive comfort.

For the next three days, he lay there, declining food that was brought to him, and refusing to talk. He lay there, as the realism of his mortality washed through his mind. Unmoving, he lay there on the cold, hard mattress, at first, wallowing in guilt, feeling the weight of chains that bind a person's soul when under conviction. If a person looked very closely, they could see his lips moving slightly, mouthing words of prayer, beseeching forgiveness, mercy, and strength. Once he had searched his heart, he knew he had done the right thing, and now, he had to make things right. It would take every bit of his strength both in his mind and body, and he was not willing to relinquish any power by allowing someone else to tarnish his thoughts, guide his path, or change his mind. Emily counted on him, and he would not let her down.

Wade turned to face the window, watching the sun slowly climb, sending rays of sunlight to warm his face. This day would mark the day of courage, the day he had made a decision to face adversity and become Emily's hero. Will had told him that he could choose his own destiny, and he knew in his heart, that he was destined for happiness, and even Mammy had relayed her vision for his bright future. Now was the time to make a difference in his life, go against the tide that had carried him for so long. He rose from his bed, dressed quickly, and went downstairs to eat breakfast.

Suellen eyed him strangely, unable to comprehend his sudden recuperation. She knew that down deep, he had inherited his mother's fortitude, but this did not look like Scarlett's look of hardened determination, but more like satisfaction and peace. After three days of going into his room, checking on him, and trying to coerce him to eat something, he suddenly emerged, refreshed and strengthened. He looked as though he had grown even taller as he straightened his broad shoulders, and walked with a confident stride that she had seen before. It was the stride of stubborn confidence, the stride of a person who knows his lot in life and is ready to make it happen.

After breakfast, Wade rode to Mimosa to visit Sally Fontaine. As he rode past the little shanty where Emily had spent the last few years of her life, he refrained from thinking of anything unpleasant, refuting lifeless thoughts that tried to pry their way into his mind, and spying the fresh dirt thrown on top of the grave, he trod on, focusing on the future, denying the spirits of the past access into his present.

Sally saw him riding up, and walked out to meet him. Strapped to her back was her new, tiny baby, and through her smiling face, he could see the exhaustion of sleepless nights, and hardworking days. I had been even more difficult for her to maintain her home without Emily's help, and the strain was beginning to show in the lines on her face and the lone strands of silver that began to peek through her lovely brown hair.

"Wade, it is so nice to see you. How are you doing?" Sally tried to cover her exhaustion as well as the fear that Wade would revert to his childhood means of coping with tragedy, and she searched his face for signs weakness, pallid frailty, or hiccups, but she sensed none of that.

They made small talk for a few moments, but Wade could not put off the immediate subject on his mind any longer. "Sally, do you know where they have gone?"

Sally thought for a moment, staring into her cup of coffee, then rose to pour him another cup. "Why do you need to know that? I think it would be better for you and her if you just let her go."

"I can't do that. Chivalry has overtaken me, and I am its slave, or hers, whichever you prefer." He smiled impishly, hoping to avoid her questions, distracting her with his charm.

Sally could not be distracted, for she knew. She had watched the two of them for months, and she knew how they felt about each other, but she also knew her family, and the intense hold that held her. She lowered her head over her cup, tracing her fingers around the rim, "She will never be free. You know that."

"I will free her. Did you not see the whelps on her back? As I have looked over the evidence of the years, I am ashamed that I had no idea; I never paid attention to the clues standing before me. She should not have had to tell me, but if I had been paying attention to anybody other than myself and my own self-pity, I would have seen, and I could have saved her years of pain and misery. I cannot go back and reclaim her past, but I can claim her future, just as I have claimed my own." Wade glared at Sally, without malice, but with force, demanding her comprehension.

Sally looked in his eyes for some hint of fear, some link that she could pull in order to change his mind, but instead, what she found frightened her more. She saw Scarlett's look of determination, the look of a person driven to accomplish the task at hand, inconsiderate of the consequences, knowing the end justifies the means.

Sally reached into her pocket and pulled out a yellow piece of paper. "This came earlier this morning." She handed the paper to him then waited quietly for him to read it.

GOING TO TEXAS STOP HELP ME STOP

Now there was no way that she could convince him to leave it alone. The words in the telegram pulled at his heart, and he began making mental notes of everything Tony Fontaine, Sally's brother-in-law, had said about Texas and how to get there. He had to leave immediately, and maybe he could catch her before they even left the state. He rose, taking Sally's hand, and bringing it near his lips. Though he could not as a gentleman, place his lips on her hand, he could relay his thankfulness, showing his appreciation for her help. Without thinking, she embraced him quickly, feeling as if she was losing her own son, the son of a dear friend, and she said a prayer under her breath. She knew that he had no idea of the perils he would face or the predicament that he was leaving Will and Suellen, but she did know that every man must do what they have to do. She had seen the devastation of men who followed their fear rather than their heart and the emotional and spiritual death that followed soon after. Even after he left her, she spent time each evening praying for his and Emily's safety, praying that they would return soon to begin the lives that they dreamed of, a life of peaceful devotion to God, their family, and their land.

Wade rode home quickly, formulating plans, avoiding mental pitfalls. The hardest part would be getting away from the house. From there, he was sure that he could accomplish his mission with ease, but he had to tackle Will and Suellen, face them just as he had faced Sally, assuring his independence. He raced upstairs and packed a light bag of clothes, donned his holster, boots and hat then went back down and strapped his things onto Silver as Will walked around the corner of the house.

"Where are you headed, son?"

Wade finished getting his things on then faced Will confidently, and spoke with all the determination he could muster, "I am going to Texas. Emily's pa has taken her there, and I have to go get her and bring her back."

"I see. Have you told Suellen what you are planning?"

"No, not yet. I figure she won't exactly approve, and maybe she would be more apt to listen to you."

Will shrugged slightly, "I don't rightly think it's my place to talk to her. This is a mighty risky thing you are planning, and if you don't have the courage to talk to Suellen, you don't have the courage it takes to get to Texas."

Wade hung his head for a second, the squared his shoulders, turned and walked into the house. He found Suellen in the kitchen. He pulled her to the table, sat her down, and told her exactly what he was planning. Suellen took a deep breath then began shaking; she could not bear to lose this boy. He had been her son since she could not have one of her own, and she would not allow him to do such an irresponsible thing, facing a man who had lost his son, the turmoils of unbroken land, and the lawless society that filled the tales of the west. She would not allow it. As she raged, Wade sat calmly watching her, willing her to calm down, and then she noticed the look of peace on his face. He had become a man, and he knew what he had to do, and she knew at that moment that there was no use fighting a man with the determination and strength of his mother. As she looked at him again, she saw the light in his eyes that reminded her of Scarlett when she had concocted a new plan of action, and the line of his jaw which squared in obstinacy just like her father's. She knew his Irish heritage which would stand in the face of difficulty, thrust its chest at the onslaught of danger, and laugh in the light of misfortune. She raised her hands to his face, tears streaming down her face, and pleaded once more for him to reconsider, but he would not resign. That night and every night afterward, she would remember to mention his name in her prayers, lighting an extra candle for his safety

He said his goodbyes to the tear-stained faces of his sister and little cousins, kissing their cheeks, and reassuring them that he would be fine, and they stared after him until the dust rose and he disappeared from sight. He headed down the road to Jonesboro then straight to Atlanta. It had been years since he had traveled this road, but he still knew every curve, as memories from the flight from Atlanta flooded his mind. During his younger years, he had traveled this road often, and as he grew closer to Atlanta, he had to battle the fear that tried to force itself into his mind. Blackness fell over his heart momentarily as he remembered the graves of his little sister and his beloved Aunt Melanie so near, but he shoved them to the back of his mind, refusing to be sidetracked by grief.

He finally reached Uncle Ashley's house late that evening, and he found him and his cousin, Beau, playing ball in the backyard. He was overcome with excitement to see his cousin, again, and was amazed to see how much he had changed over the last four years. He had grown tall and lean, with a pleasant face and a booming voice. They greeted him with enthusiasm, amazed at the changes that had taken place in each of them. Ashley had rebounded from the death of his wife, and although in the deepest parts of his heart, he stilled grieved daily, he was full of mirth and he stood with a new dignity, taking care of his son, doing his best to live up to the man Melanie had expected him to be. Though Wade had been apprehensive about returning to Atlanta, he joined them for supper, and was delighted with the light conversation, peaceful surroundings, and delicious food, and he wished he could stay for a few weeks, enjoying the life which seemed unworrisome. He knew though, that he could not stay, and after supper he asked Ashley to accompany him to the library where they could talk in privacy.

Wade told Ashley everything that had transpired over the last few years, ending with Emily's flight and his plan to save her. Ashley rubbed his chin, silently, trying to decide how to respond. He knew that Scarlett had taken care of him and Beau many times in the past, and he knew that he would take care of Wade, but he was not sure of how to best help him. Wade looked like a man and had grown to be an assuming force, but he was unsure that he was taking the best course of action. He thought of how determined Scarlett had been with faced with difficulties, willing to do the unthinkable to keep food on the table and the taxes on Tara paid. He knew Wade had inherited the same qualities that possessed and drove his mother. He had made mistakes before, underestimating the gumption which drove Scarlett to unthinkable solutions, and he did not want to repeat those mistakes with her son. If there was any way that he could save Wade from the destruction which so often followed Scarlett because of her actions, he would do it.

"So your mother doesn't know anything about this?" Ashley got up and grabbed the decanter to pour himself a drink of sherry, then offered one to Wade.

Wade took hold of the glass, answering him, slowly, "No, she has no idea that Emily even exists. I think we both know that she would not approve of her breeding, and she would never allow such a match."

Ashley nodded his head and took a seat, choosing his words carefully. "You think that her biases are unfounded?"

"Uncle Ashley, I would think that you have grown out of the thoughts of the old days. Things have changed, eyes have been opened, and biases are unfounded. A person's heart is not damaged by the lack of family name, nor is it made chivalrous by one. My own mother is proof of that."

"You must not say such things about your mother. She may not have paved your way, but she is your mother, and you owe her respect. But let's not dispute that point." Ashley set his glass on the table, leaned forward, and rubbed his hands over his face, considering his next move. He envisioned a chess game, knowing that if he made the wrong move, his argument would be cut off, and he would lose this game. "So how can I help you?"

"Well, sir, I need some money. I will pay you back when I return by working in your mills or whatever else I can do. Or if need be, you can contact my mother or Rhett, and they will give you the money back."

"What if you don't come back? What if something bad happens along the way, or what if you fall in love with Texas and decide to make it your home? Then it would be lost." Ashley eyed him as he spoke cautiously hoping that the old fear would drain Wade's face, talking him out of this crazy endeavor.

"I have no desire to leave Tara, only to retrieve my love." As soon as those words were spoken, Ashley knew the game had turned, check, the queen was in sight. Ashley remembered his love for Melanie, and knew that he would cross the ocean in a sailboat if it would bring her back, and he felt a bond with this young man, and bond that only those who have experienced unrequited love could know.

"It seems as if I cannot sway you, and I cannot in good conscience send you out into the world with no funding, but I do not want repayment."

Wade looked at him conspicuously. In this situation, he realized that Ashley had the upper hand, and he could make requests far beyond what he had imagined. How far would he be willing to go?

"Your mother has often spoken of her desire for you to attend the university. I understand that you will miss some time from public school, and there's nothing to worry about there. You are a smart boy. By the time you get back, Beau will be making plans to go." Ashley took a deep breath, carefully approaching the subject so as not to scare Wade, "If you want the money you need, you will have to promise me that you will go to the university with Beau upon your return."

Wade stood, walking slowly around the room as he considered the depth of this request. He had already decided that he did not want this path. He had planned his life which consisted of farming, marriage, and children at Tara. Not once had he reconsidered this decision since his conversation with Emily about the subject. Now, he faced the situation where he had no other choice. He considered his alternatives. He did have other relations in Atlanta, but he did not have the time or the resources to chase them down, and the thought of relaying the details to another person was unthinkable. He had to face the facts, and the fact was that he had to hurry, for he had already wasted enough time, and as he stood here debating this request, he was losing time, and there was no telling what kind of distance Emily and her family had made.

"I guess I don't have any other choice. I will go to the university with Beau."

"I have just a couple more questions for you. Do you have any idea how far Texas is? Do you know how long it will take, the hardships you will face? Do you know how big it is and how long it will take to find her? It will be like looking for a needle in a haystack?"

Wade sat down again, "She talked a time or two about her cousin. He lived on a cattle ranch along the Western Trail which leads from south Texas to Dodge City." He took another drink then continued, "I am going to head west until I find the trail, then search. I know I can find her, and I am willing to risk everything to bring her back."

Ashley looked on his determined face, knowing that he had done all he could to alter his plan. Finally, he stood, walking to a chest in the corner, and brought out several bills, handing them to Wade then taking in his other hand an object which he handled delicately. He held it up, inspecting it closely then handed it to Wade. "I noticed that one side of your holster was empty. This was your father's pistol. Your Aunt Melanie held onto this pistol for years, cherishing it as if it were Charles himself. Although I don't believe in these kinds of things, if Melanie held onto it, it must have something good which will help you. If nothing else, let it remind you of your father and his great courage, and may you face peril with his strength."

Wade took the pistol in his hand, turning it over and over, seeing it for the first time. It was a beautiful piece of handiwork, with scrolls of decorative etching all over the silver handles. The barrel was long and sturdy, and the sights were perfectly straight. He was overcome with gratitude and pride. He stood, shaking Ashley's hand heartily, bidding him good-bye, and though Ashley tried to persuade him to stay until morning, Wade insisted that he must keep going, now. He could not afford to lose another moment.

As he galloped out of town, Wade looked back longingly, smiling to himself, knowing that he had won yet another battle. He was sure that the worst was behind him for he had no idea what lie ahead.

Chapter 10

Wade rode through the night, becoming increasingly weary, but unwilling to stop other than to water the horse, letting it rest and graze for a moment while grabbing a cold biscuit from his pack to eat. He knew that Emily's family had a five day head start, and he was not willing to lose a moment. He figured that they would probably be walking since they only had one horse, and he should be able to catch up with them pretty quickly, and so he kept a sharp eye out, hoping to catch them en route.

As he rode, he imagined the scene when he would face the father of the boy he had killed and the daughter he would whisk away. There was sure to be a fight, and he wanted to be prepared. In his mind, he could picture a furious man with a buggy whip in his hand, beating his daughter savagely, and Wade could feel the ferocity of barbarian protection wave through him. If nothing else, he would make sure that Emily would never feel that pain or fear again. She would never feel the stinging lash of a buggy whip across her back and legs, the whelps of broken, bleeding flesh, or the heartache of being dejected, repudiated, and forsaken by the one person in the world that she should have been able to rely on for shelter and comfort. Wade was determined that he would become the person she could count on for protection, and he would supply her with the love that she had lacked for so many years. For right now, though, he had to concentrate on finding her, for until she was in his sight, he had no recourse. She was in her father's clutches, in his power, and she did not possess the power to free herself.

The sun began to set in front of him like blazing fire along the horizon. As the sun dipped lower, Wade could feel his eyes becoming heavier, and his head nuzzling Silver's neck. They had been riding for two days, and although he hated to waste time, he knew that neither he nor Silver would make it much further without rest, and he could not face his enemy without respite. Their campsite was not comfortable, but it was hidden from the road, there was a small fire to keep them warm, and his knapsack for a pillow. When they woke with the sun, hope was renewed. Wade mounted Silver and set out with a watchful eye, certain that he would find them soon.

Long miles stretched behind them as days turned to weeks, rising with the sun and heading west, never lingering for long, ever-searching for signs of travelers. Light sprinkles of rain delayed the scorching waves of heat that rose before them, contrasted with pelting, heavy blankets of rain, escorted by peals of thunder and splashes of lightening crossing the sky. Farmhouses sprinkled the land, and great plantations rose before them, now crumbling beneath the disintegrating economy. Homes, land, and buildings bore the scars of war despite efforts of reconstruction, and only occasionally did signs of life appear, beckoning to them, calling for reprieve from their endless journey. Not once had he sighted Emily, but he continued on, searching endlessly.

Weeks rolled by with only roadside rests and occasional towns where they stopped to dine. Unpleasant thoughts began to creep into Wade's mind, jeering at his unsuccess. Though he tried to push these suggestions from his mind, he began to allow them to linger for just a moment, and then a moment more, until hope began to lose sight. Frustration seeped into his veins, and hot anger poured through him until he found himself screaming in the darkness for relief. Broad expanses of land stood before him, and long weeks of dismal defeat lie behind him, and all around the trees seemed to laugh, calling to him to turn around, give up, and return home.

Vicksburg, Mississippi lay ahead of him, the point of no return. He had to make a decision, for once he crossed the Mississippi, he was in unfamiliar territory, the land of pioneers and brave soldiers, not the land for a boy who at one time believed he was a man. Now, he was not so sure of his independence, his ability, or even his bravery. Lack of sleep and nutrition had clouded his mind, and he wondered at times why he was on this road, facing the unknown, continuing forward on a futile quest. He rode into town, looking around, awed by the magnificent structures that surrounded him. He had heard of the Battle of Vicksburg, and their stand against Sherman's army. To be in the presence of such an unbeatable force was inspiring. War-torn buildings stood erect and the scars of battle were obvious, but courage wafted through the town, an unbeatable desire to rise above the defeat of the confederacy, salvaging the pride of the south. At that moment, he remembered his cause, the cause for which he was willing to face legions of men, the wrath of nature, and his lack of confidence. At this place, a major stronghold of the mighty Mississippi, soldiers fought and died for a cause that soon died with them when the surrender was signed, but the spirit of the city did not die. Nor would he be defeated when he had not yet taken a stand and faced the enemy.

Wade stopped in front of a hotel, which during the war had served as a hospital for wounded confederates, and decided to spend the night, caring for his wounded spirit and pride. He needed sustenance and rest, for without care he could not continue. He had accepted that his journey would lead into Texas, and he also knew that he was not even halfway to his final destination. Until this moment, he had been convinced that he would find them along the way, but now he knew that he would see it through to its entirety. Autumn was approaching, and he would need supplies for he had heard the stories of land across the Mississippi, and preparation was essential. He could push neither himself nor his horse any further, and so he conceded to his logical side, allowing himself the time to recuperate.

He checked into the hotel and checked his horse into the stable, then went upstairs to clean up before dinner. After a long, hot bath, he lay down on his bed and immediately dozed, and before he knew it, the sun had crept into its resting place, and he had missed supper. He woke with a start, not remembering where he was, and when it came to him, he smiled, feeling as though he had slept for months. He strode down the stairs, hoping to find the kitchen still open, but he only found a tiny elderly woman, wrapped in an apron, cleaning after a long day of serving guests.

"I don't suppose, ma'am that you have anything left to eat." Wade looked at her pleading.

She wafted around for a moment, silently hoping he would leave her to finish her work, but unwilling to let the poor child starve. She saw him when he came in earlier in the day, and her heart was torn. She could not believe that any parent could allow their son to go so long without a bath or rest, and he was in obvious need of company. She had never heard his name mentioned before, so she knew he was not from around here, and she hoped desperately that he was not some child in love with the wild fantasies of Texas, for she had seen and heard, and there was no similarity between the romantic stories of the west and the tough reality of life on the plains. "I have got a little bit of food left over, but you will have to eat quickly. I have work to do." She flittered around making him a plate of leftovers.

"Thank you, ma'am," Wade gushed with true appreciation. The moment the plate was set before him, he began shoveling great amounts of potatoes and gravy into his mouth. It seemed like forever since he had eaten such a meal.

"You had better slow down. I would hate to see you ill because of my cuisine." Her eyes twinkled merrily, happy to know that she had blessed a child, and proud that he was enjoying her cooking. "So are you just passing through?" She thought that maybe striking up a conversation would slow him down a bit, but he just continued to eat, talking through the large portions of food being shoveled into his mouth.

"I am headed west." He kept eating, pausing only to answer her questions. "I am headed toward Texas, looking for a family. There are three people traveling together, two men and a beautiful blond girl. Would you possible remember seeing anyone like that?"

"Not likely, child, I stay in the kitchen, although it does seem as though a few days ago I spoke to a young girl who mentioned that she was headed west to Texas as well."

Wade's eyes lit up, knowing that she had seen Emily. Reassurance that she was fine relit his hope, encouraging him to continue his campaign. "How do I get across the Mississippi, by ferry?"

Suddenly, the woman's smile turned down slightly. She did not want to disappoint the boy that was so happy only seconds ago. "You will have to travel downstream for quite a ways, I imagine. For many years, we have toted people across, enjoying the bounty of the waterway, but a few months ago, the mighty Mississippi changed course, taking our harbor west. It is amazing. Sherman couldn't defeat us, but the Mississippi has a mind of its own, and we cannot fight her." She smiled vaguely, hiding the fear in her heart, fear that Vicksburg would fall.

Disappointment shown on Wade's face, but he tried to smile, making sure that she knew he was thankful for her kindness.

"There is a positive note, however," the lady took his plate to be carefully washed, "the next port is further south, but it does not transport across the river daily, so if you are hoping to catch up with that blond child, you can rest one more day, and still make it to her before she crosses."

Wade sighed a breath of relief. He wanted to stay, and needed to stay, and was appreciative for the additional time to recuperate. He thanked her once more for her graciousness and headed out the door. She smiled at him as if he were a child, "Breakfast is served at seven. Don't be late."

When his head hit the sheets this time, he stared up at the ceiling for a long time, envisioning his meeting with Emily, for he was convinced that he would meet her in Natchez and stop her from crossing the Mississippi. He pictured her beautiful face shining at him with gratitude, and this time, he would not pass up the opportunity to persuade her to become his. He imagined taking her in his arms and holding her tightly, feeling her breath on his neck and her soft curls on his cheek. Their lips would meet for just a moment, and when she opened her eyes, he would look into them, whispering words of ardor, and lifting her onto Silver's back they would ride towards the rising sun, home to Tara.

The morning rose as light filtered in through the window, and he realized he had fallen asleep dreaming of meeting her, and a curve crossed his lips, turning up in the corners. He rose quickly for he had much to do today. He had to look dashing for their encounter, so he rushed downstairs to eat a large breakfast, and then off to purchase a few items. Strolling through the town, wares were displayed in windows, and Wade found himself staring at items he had never seen before. He purchased a pair of jeans, for he had never seen such hardy clothing, and they were perfect for the long ride home. As much as he loved his boots, he noticed they were becoming worn, and the soles were thinning, so he found another pair, close to the same style. Finally, he bought a heavy coat, for winter would be coming soon. He searched diligently for a gift for Emily, and as he searched through rows of merchants, hints of glittering jewels called to him. He wanted to supply her with every jewel in every color, but he soon found that his funds would not allow that type of purchase at this time, and he promised to find the perfect ring when they returned.

Back in his room, he donned his new attire and checked his reflection, and he was quite taken aback by his appearance. He looked dashing and handsome, tall and sleek, and he brightened with new confidence. As he rode out of town toward Natchez, Silver seemed to strut, proud of his rider who perched himself confidently on his saddle, aware of the impression he made as people stared at him, and though the road to Natchez was long, he maintained his poise.

He found the ferry quickly, and looked around, expecting to see Emily and her pa at any moment. Crowds of people filled the area, waiting to board the ferry, and he searched the waves of faces for familiar traits. In the midst of the crowd, Wade noticed a female form with long, flowing curls trailing down her back, and his heart began to beat wildly. He jumped off Silver and held his reins tightly as he made his way through the crowds. There she was, right in front of him. He was sure that she would turn around and fly into his arms. He looked around trying to find her pa and brothers, but they were nowhere in sight, so he continued forward, reaching out to touch her back. The tips of his fingers tingled with anticipation as they stroked her shoulder, and his voice became thick as he tried furtively to call her name. He could feel her body stiffen with his touch, and as she turned, desire filled his thoughts. He could feel his arms trembling with excitement, for he had pictured this moment for so long. He refused to let the moment escape.

"Emily," he called, eyes brilliant with anticipation.

She turned to him, and he found himself staring straight into her eyes. They were eyes of emerald green, and his heart sank low, into the deepest pit. The young girl looked at him questioning silently, and he respectfully tipped his hat, disappearing into the crowd. So sure was he that he had found his true love, it did not occur to him that any other girl in the world could beguile him with long golden curls. Now, he could just continue to search, hoping to find her. The longer he looked, the more discouraged he became, and he knew that when they announced the loading ferry, he had to be on it. His journey was not over.

Unloading on the other side of the Mississippi was frightening, for he had never truly believed he would get this far. He had heard stories of the Wild West, mostly from Tony Fontaine, and he hoped that he would not run across any savages or outlaws. The terrain was changing quickly, and he was fascinated with the towering trees; looking around he felt as though he was in a deep cave within the forest which lumbered above him. He continued riding for days without seeing towns or people as the land became less populated, and he began craving company, for though Silver was a good friend, he was not much of a conversationalist.

The days turned colder, and he pulled his coat tighter around him, wishing that he had thought to purchase another blanket. He donned his gloves and pulled his collar closer around his ears and his hat further down on his head. Silver seemed to slow down his pace as the wind began to chill and the sun moved to the south hiding its warmth. They would huddle together at night to keep warm as they tried to rest before resuming the expedition the next morning, finding frost on everything around them. Travel was beginning to show on his face with shades of blue beneath his eyes and lines at the corners. His clothes were becoming faded and worn, and even Silver's coat was beginning to lose its shine, for they had not eaten a full meal in over a month.

The terrain changed, becoming drier and dustier as the trees began to thin and the wind blew freely. Continuing west, they trudged through red dirt flying through the air with only patches of green scrub to color the endless miles of drab. Turning slightly north, Wade wondered if they had come too far. Tony had described gentle rolling mountains, short greenery which left open sky where one could see for miles, and thick, natural shrubbery. Wade, however, had left the land which matched that description several days ago. The few trees were bare for they had lost their leaves to the frost, and there were no rolling hills or mountains, but miles of tall, thick brown grass, and open plains for miles in every direction. He had seen no signs of human life, and his rations were running low. Had he made a mistake? Had he come this far to perish in the forgotten wasteland that could support no man? The land seemed lonely with only the whistle of brisk wind to comfort it, blowing thick round balls of weed along its path.

Thoughts of hopelessness clouded his mind, and he suddenly remembered the quiet utterances of Aunt Suellen's evening prayers, and he missed them acutely. He also missed his own long discussions with the Lord that had comforted him many long nights at Tara. Comfort was a feeling he had long dismissed, and yet the need for reassurance drove him to stop and beseech guidance. As he prayed, peace fell over him, and he began to wonder if his mother had ever felt this kind of peace, and he began to ache for her as well. Their last encounter had been uncomfortable, and though he felt supreme victory then, he now felt as though he had missed his opportunity. For years he had silently craved his mother's affection and warmth, which she could not give, and when she was ready to give it, he had dismissed it so easily.

He wondered again if she had felt peace like he had, for he had never seen her bow her head like Aunt Suellen or display the same calm reverence that showed through Suellen, except when Scarlett was around, though she had grown up under the same roof with the same spiritual guidance. It was certainly possible that she practiced her religion in privacy. That would explain her prosperity because he was convinced that the Lord blessed those who seek Him, and she was certainly blessed. He did not understand or perceive her bitter heartache, and mistook her briskness as merely her personality. That could only mean that somewhere deep inside, she must hold compassion, a deep love for all things good, but because of unfortunate circumstances she had been forced to make decisions that went against her better judgment. In this new light, he felt a renewed respect for the mother he a disregarded not long ago, and he felt sorrow for their lost relationship and the lost prospect of restoration.

More than anything, he longed to be by her side, with her small, delicate hand tucked in the curve of his arm as they walked along surveying the land at Tara. He wished he had taken the time to rekindle their kinship, accepted her offer, and moved wherever she wanted to go, if nothing else in the slightest hope that he would learn to know her and love her in the way he had desired to know and love his mother throughout his youth. That chance was lost, but he would not make that mistake again, not with Emily. He would continue to search for her, no matter the time, and when he found her, he would never let her go. With his enhanced conviction, he bowed his head again, praying for strength and once again for guidance, a clear head, and a strong vision.

Hearing a bellowing like that of a small child, Silver's ears perked and headed in the direction from whence it came. When they reached the source of the noise, they found that a brambly bush had claimed a victim, a small beast with long horns, and the harder it thrashed, the more entangled it became, making it bellow even fiercer. Wade used his knife to free the young calf, and searched its body, noting cuts and scratches where it had been caught. On its hindquarters it bore the brand bar2bar, marked by its owner. He knew that owners often branded their cattle, and the brand would be displayed on the sign of the entrance to the ranch however he had not seen a ranch for miles. He tied a rope around the calf's neck and led him on, knowing that if he could possibly return the calf, maybe he could get a good meal as a reward. Far off in the distance, a dark object blurred before him, so he headed in that direction, hoping that he was headed in the right path, knowing that the vast span of land could easily play tricks on a man's mind.

As he closed in, Wade saw men and animals and heard the noise of dusty tired men branding cattle, counting, herding, and rounding up for the end of another long day. When he neared the place, inscribed on a large sign across the top of the entrance through a narrow gate was the brand bar2bar and underneath read "Welcome to the Kellecee Ranch." Stumbling nervously, he did not know how to approach the situation. Amazingly, this was the ranch that Emily had mentioned, and he knew that he had only reached this place because of divine intervention.

He had never seen a ranch of such magnitude, and it dominated the landscape. The big house was not quite as sprawling as the house at Tara, but it was newly whitewashed and beautifully maintained. The house had been inspired by the antebellum houses of the south with large columns along the front, and shutters along each side of the abundance of windows along the sides and front of the house. The porch reached across the front of the house, and a veranda ran along the second floor. Gathering his courage, Wade entered the gate, and made his way across the yard to a man standing with his hands on his hips, supervising the movement of the cattle from a great distance. Hearing Wade approach, the man turned, and stared quizzically, for usually a cattle rustler did not return stolen property, and he had presumed this calf had been taken when they were short on their headcount the previous evening.

Wade rode straight to the man, dismounted, and held his hand to the man introducing himself. He explained that he had found this calf along his way, and he was looking for work.

Mr. Kellecee studied Wade closely. They would be needing hands in a few weeks, and this boy looked tired but healthy. Mr. Kellecee had been working with longhorn cattle for so many years, that he evaluated his workers by the same standards that he would choose a new breeder stock. This boy had muscle and a hard look on his face. It was obvious that he had traveled many miles, which made him a good risk, and he was young, which made him trainable. He had no experience with cattle, but if he had been able to release the calf from a bramble bush and persuade it to follow, he had a way with animals. If he could fatten him up before the spring drive, he would be a positive addition. They would need a few extra hands, for this year they were cutting a new trail, one that had been spoken of optimistically, but had been traveled for only one year. They would need plenty of hands, and if it went well, they would have a new market in Dodge City. Mr. Kellecee shook Wade's hand, thanked him for returning the calf, and escorted him to the bunkhouse to meet the trail boss. He was hired.

Chapter 11

Wade found his way to an empty bunk and set his pack down beside it. Looking around the large room, he saw rows of bunk beds covered with old, worn hand patched quilts, with packs neatly stacked underneath. In one corner was a large washbasin on a wooden stand, and along one wall were shelves with empty hooks where the wranglers hung their ropes and hats. The house had been made of large stones, and he could see daylight through the small holes in the wall and the patched roof, but there were no windows to let in the warmth of the sun, and he shivered as though he was still on Silver's back, trudging through the icy wind.

The men walked into the house slowly, dragging from a long days work. They walked to the washbasin one by one and washed their long, tired faces, worn and leathered from years of working in the hot sun, exposed to wind, dirt, and harsh weather. A tall, muscular man walked up to him and looked him over without approval and snickered, "Kinda green, aren't ya?"

Wade had no idea what he meant, and his look of confusion seemed to entertain the other men, and they chuckled hoarsely, as Wade's face grew red from humiliation.

"I was just saying that you look mighty young. How old are ya?" The man continued to laugh, chucking him on the arm.

Wade bowed his head slightly, then remembered to maintain eye contact to show confidence, and answered, "I am fifteen, sir. I haven't rustled cattle before, but I am a hard worker and a quick learner."

"Alright, then, we'll see what you got; see if you can handle it, and if not, you'll be finding yourself down the road. Got it?" The man seemed to lose his sense of humor quickly, and Wade saw that he was not a man to be messed with, for he was intimidating and large. He introduced himself as Jobe, the man in charge, and the boss of the cattle drive underneath the owner of the ranch. He went around and introduced the rest of the cowhands, as they tipped their hats and greeted him. "We're in a hurry to get to the big house for some supper, then we'll get back here, I'll show you around the place and line you out on your duties. For now, just follow us in for grub. We'll eat in the back of the big house, just take what is put on your plate and eat every bite without complaint, and most importantly, there'll be a couple of girls in there to serve, don't look at them or talk to them. They are Mr. Kellecee's daughters, and he is mighty protective. The last man that dared look at one the wrong way found himself, well, you might say, on the other side, if you know what I mean."

Wade was not quite sure what he meant, but it did not sound pleasant. He did not want to find himself in any compromising situation, for he knew that Emily would make her way here, and he had to stay on to make sure that when she got here, he was ready. Besides, he already knew in his heart that no other girl could hold a candle to Emily. In fact, she might be in the big house even as they spoke.

He followed the men to the house, walking in last, and found an empty seat on the bench close to the end of the long table, keeping his eyes lowered, just as he saw the rest of the men do the same. Three young ladies walked into the room carrying plates of food, small portions of meat with beans and cornbread. They lay a plate in front of each man, then returned through the door with another until all of the men were served, then they ate in silence. Wade glanced here and there making sure he was following the routine of the others. On one of those glances, he accidentally met the eyes of one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, and he averted them quickly, not only to stay on this side, whatever that meant, but he immediately felt shame for even thinking such a thing about another girl when Emily might be in the other room this very minute.

He pictured the girl in his mind, her dark, auburn hair, tied back loosely, with tiny streaks of gold flowing throughout which were highlighted by her bright yellow costume trimmed with bits of green embroidery around her neckline and wrists. Her eyes were dark pools of greenish-gray that looked as if they were hiding impish joy behind her masquerade of serious business. Each of her small features, complimented her delicate frame and small hands, and he could hear the rustling of her skirts as she continued to fill water glasses around the table. He drank quickly to see if she would fill his cup and as she reached past him to grab it, her arm gently brushed his arm, sending chills down his spine, then almost purposely, her hand grazed his as she placed his glass back on the table in front of him. Thankfully, they finished their meal and excused themselves quietly before another encounter, for he hoped that no one had seen what he had felt in that moment.

Dropping into his bunk that night, he lay for a few minutes thinking of the girl in the house before falling into a deep sleep that seemed to last only a few moments before he heard the rooster crow. He had not slept in a bed for months, and he was so comfortable, he lay there, hoping he had mistaken the sound. Suddenly he felt someone kicking his bed, and he opened his eyes to see the man that he thought they called Red standing beside him, dressed and ready, telling him to get up. He had a long day ahead of him, learning the ropes, and he was ready to find any clues that would lead to Emily.

The day began with breakfast in the big house, following the same procedures as the night before then they mounted their horses to begin the day's work. The cattle had to be counted as they were led from the corral to the pasture to graze and feed. Wade was shown how to lead a cow back to the herd, circling and moving them along, keeping them together. The cattle were tough and dangerous, and he was warned of the dangers of the long horns that could run a man through. These were not the breed of cattle found in Georgia, for these were stout and strong, willful and belligerent at times. They had to be under constant surveillance to keep them from becoming lost or hurt from the numerous dangers that surrounded them.

Wade was glad that as he had traveled to this country, he had no idea of the dangers that had surrounded him and had somehow avoided. Rattlesnakes, tarantulas, and wolves roamed over the land, prowling for its next victim. Rustlers were anxious to find strays that could be easily stolen, and some tribes of Native Americans had been known to attack, wary of the white man who had created great hardships for them since their arrival. This land was full of perils, and the people fought constantly against man and nature for their survival.

The day was long and full of instructions, orders being roared across the barren land, to keep watch, herd them in, and follow them out. The air was chilled, but the temperature was beginning to rise as the sun made its way back to the northern hemisphere, and the dust settled in Wade's chest making him cough uncontrollably. Across the land, he could see no other settlement, and it gave him an eerie feeling of loneliness that he longed to escape. Once the cattle had spent the day grazing and the sun was beginning to set, they were counted again and herded back into the corral where they would spend the night under the eagle eye of night watch men.

Each day continued as the day before and Wade soon became an experienced cowhand, anticipating the movement of the cattle, and expertly driving them back to the herd. He learned the best place for them to graze, and where the least treacherous watering holes lie. During times of inactivity, Patch, a man who had lost his eye during a stampede to an angry beeve with swinging horns, showed Wade some rope tricks, which he would practice, twirling and handling the tools of the trade. He learned to love the wide open ranges, and the feeling of freedom. The days grew warmer and longer, and each evening at supper, the mysterious girl made her way to him, smiling gently, and subtly enticing him with her feminine wiles.

Before breakfast, Mr. Kellecee pulled Wade to the side, "What did you say your name was, boy?"

Wade responded, slightly worried that something had been said, "Wade Hampton Hamilton, sir."

"Wade Hampton was a courageous Georgian leader in the Civil War. Did your father serve under him?"

"Yes, sir, he was killed in battle alongside him."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I knew your grandfather well when I lived in Georgia." Wade was unnerved, for he had never heard anyone speak of his grandfather, and he desired to know more, but found himself too nervous to speak. "I want you to escort the ladies to town for some shopping. I have some work to do around here." Wade nodded uncertainly. This was a pretty important job, and there was no room for mistakes, for he would be escorting Mr. Kellecee's most important cargo. However, he was pretty excited about going to town, and was amazed that there was civilization within miles.

As soon as breakfast had been served and cleared, he was heading west toward The Flats, a small town just north of Fort Griffin, with Mrs. Kellecee and her three daughters in the closed carriage. He could hear them talking excitedly, for it was not often that they made a trip into town, and they consulted their list of items over and over, hoping not to miss anything. He wished for an opportunity to speak with the green-eyed girl alone, but knew it was improbable.

The town was only three miles to the west of Kellecee ranch, like an oasis of life sprouting in the middle of the open grasslands. Fort Griffin perched itself on the top of a hill, and beneath the fort lay a town filled with merchants, saloons, and homes. He stayed on the driver's seat of the carriage as the women made their way through stores, but soon tired and hopped down to take in the sights of the town, and visited a saloon long enough to get a drink. When he emerged, he saw the green-eyed girl standing by herself beside the carriage.

"Where have you been?" She batted her eyes at him, speaking the first words he had heard her speak.

"I was just quenching my thirst. Is there anything I can do for you?"

She perched her parasol to shade her eyes as she fluttered them invitingly. "Well, we have never formerly met. I am Alice, and I know you are Wade, from Georgia. I was just so bored following Mother and Sisters, and I thought maybe you could escort me as I take a quick walk to stretch my legs. They are so sore from riding," she spoke with an appealing, syrupy voice that could drive a man to cater to her on his knees.

She took him by the arm and began walking quickly glad to be away from her mother's keen eyes. Wade avoided her eyes by looking around him, arranging the words that would ask the questions for which he longed to know the answers. Native Americans traveled along the street, and Wade stared for he had never seen such interesting dress.

"They are Tonkawa. When we first arrived here from Georgia, Mother was very sick. Every day, the Tonkawa came by every day to care for her. They fed her and gave her special medicine until she was well. On the last day, they brought me a doll dressed just like that which I have displayed in my room. Maybe someday you can come up and see it." Wade's mouth opened wide, for he had never heard a girl say anything so forward, and his mother would have disapproved of her immediately, but she continued walking as though she had said nothing extraordinary.

Loosening his tongue so as not to stutter, he changed the subject quickly, "So you are from Georgia, too. I have met a cousin of yours, Emily." Immediately, Alice's face paled, then turned a shade of angry, almost a shade of ugly green, and then returned to normal almost as quickly.

"I would love to say that I don't know of whom you speak, however, I will warn you that she, as well as her mother and father are the black sheep of the family, worthless scoundrels. Her mother, my aunt, ran off to marry a drunken gambler, forever running from the law, and they propagated their rank species with a passel of nasty brats not unlike themselves."

Wade shrunk at the disgusting words she used to describe the lovely young girl whom he had grown to love and could not imagine anyone speaking of Emily in such a way. "Have you seen her lately?" He continued, ignoring her language and hoping for answers.

Alice jerked her head, this time hiding her emotion, "No, and I hope to never see that ugly creature again. Now, if you don't mind, let's change the subject to something more pleasant." Wade's heart fell, but he complied with her wishes, and began to answer her questions, fired quickly as though she had rehearsed each one. "I want to return to Georgia so terribly, but Father is such a beast. He is afraid that I will marry someone unsuitable, so he keeps me under lock and key. This place is dreadfully boring and frightening. Don't you want to go back to Georgia? Do you have a plantation? How many acres? Is Hamilton or O'Hara a suitable family?"

Wade carefully explained his relations and each of the branches of the Hamilton-Wilkes kinship as well as the O'Hara legacy. He described Tara in exquisite detail, and as he spoke, he began to miss his home intensely. Alice's eyes grew wider as he continued to speak, as plans raced through her mind to get her back to Georgia. She could make him forget that revolting girl, Emily, and she was sure that she could convince her father to allow her to marry Wade. He came from a proper family line, and he had land and a home. She could see her dreams formulating as they walked back towards the shop where she would meet her mother. Her step was light, and her eyes sparkled, knowing she would leave this dreadful place soon.

Alice pleaded with her mother to allow her to ride in the front on the driver's seat, claiming that she enjoyed the warmth and desperately needed fresh air, but her mother refused, saying that the cool air would bring on consumption. Wade sighed with relief, glad to be away from company, needing to deliberate over the information he had retrieved. He was interested in the falling out that had occurred within Emily's family, but more importantly, she had not made her way, and he had been so sure that she would be here. However, after learning that these cousins were on her mother's side, and her mother had passed, her father would not come here. Had he made a mistake by coming here? He had no idea where to search next. Texas was a huge state, and there were many miles to cover. She had telegrammed they were heading to Texas, but she could have been mistaken, so she could really be anywhere in the United States, and his only means of searching was on horseback. Then again, maybe it had taken longer for them to cross over, for they were traveling slower than he. His questions were endless, and he had no answers.

His head was swimming by the time he had dropped the ladies in front of the house, had taken care of the horse and buggy, and returned to the bunkhouse to lay down. So many questions and possibilities had occurred to him that his entire plan had become muddy, and he seriously wondered if he would ever find her. The bunkhouse seemed more active, and he noticed a new hand in the midst. His name was Curly, and when he removed his hat, Wade could see where that name had come from. The man's head was covered with short, blond curly hair. Wade tried to study him closely, yet inconspicuously, for it seemed that he had seen this man somewhere before. He was a small man, slightly thick around the middle, with bright blue eyes. He didn't speak often, and when he did, his voice sounded forcibly low. He quickly decided that he had seen him during his travels, and dismissed him quickly for he had more important matters to consider. He still had to make alternate plans to find Emily, and he could not afford distractions.

Days became hectic with the onset of spring. Preparations had to be made for the cattle drive, and everyone had jobs to do. New calves were being born, and each had to be inspected and cared for. The longhorns that would make the long journey had to be counted and inspected several times for branding and health, for only the sturdy would survive the journey. The weak would be left behind, hopefully to be ready for next year's trek across the Great Plains. The chuck wagon was being prepared, and each of the hands was given his assignment.

Because Wade and Curly were the two newest hands, and Wade seemed a natural, the two were paired, hoping that Wade could train Curly quickly. They would take the flank, and so they spent days together as Wade showed Curly how to round strays back into the herd and keep them moving. Curly still didn't have much to say, and he was a good listener, so Wade did most of the talking. He longed for someone to share his thoughts, and hoped that Curly could direct him to make a decision. He told him about Emily and his long search for her, but he saw no reaction for Curly kept his handkerchief wrapped around his face to keep out the dust, and he concentrated on their tasks. Finally, after a few days, he asked Curly for an opinion. He had no idea what course he should take, and he was still determined to find her.

Curly stayed silent for a moment then replied in his rough voice, "I think you should stay with the herd. You might find what you are looking for at the end of this journey."

Wade stood still for a moment, considering the advice. It still struck him at the most inopportune moments that he had met this man before, and even the words just spoken seemed familiar, but he couldn't place them. The tone of voice and word choice was perfectly in tune, and he knew that he had to follow through. Not another word was spoken between the two, for words were not needed. He had his answer, and he trusted this man that he had not known long, but had known before.

Over the next couple of weeks, no matter where Wade went, Alice was there. It was as if she always knew where he was going to be and planted herself in the exact same location. When he went to the river to wash his clothes, she was there doing laundry. She was in the horses' stalls when he saddled Silver, and she was even at the water pump when he stopped to fill his canteen. At each point, she would make pleasant conversation, smile invitingly, and strategize a way to make physical contact. Just as she had touched him during his first supper at the ranch, she continued to devise a way to touch him during each meal afterwards. She would swipe a caressing hand across his shoulder or allow her arm to rest on his while she refilled his cup of water. She would sway her skirts alluringly by swinging her hips from side to side, and raise her eyes demurely beneath her long lashes. Discouraged by his lack of interest, she would furtively stamp her foot in rage, and then formulate a new plan to beguile him with her charm. She knew that men were silly creatures who would fall easily into feminine traps, but she had no idea that he had seen them all, and knew their effect. She only knew that she had to work quickly, for he would soon be leaving, and she had to stop him.

She met him by the water pump after carefully monitoring her family; any interruptions would simply ruin her plan. She had laid all her cards on the table with this one, and she was convinced that it would work. When he rounded the corner, he started to turn, but she caught him. She placed her hand on his strong arm and looked up into his soft brown eyes. She had not noticed before that he had become ruggedly handsome, for his face had lost the look of a boy, his jaw had hardened, and yet his eyes remained soft and tender. She very gently raised her hand to his face, caressing it lovingly with her soft hands, and brought his head down to meet hers. She avoided touching his lips, and whispered in his ear. He could feel her warm breath on his neck as she whispered, "Take me away from here. I love you." Then she met his lips with her own, running her fingers through his soft hair, and down his neck which was still warm from the harsh sun.

He could feel her body pressing towards him, and he felt his lips defy the refusal that ripped through his mind. Her soft lips urged him on, and he could no longer remember why he would reject her sweet embrace, and he raised his hands to stroke her hair and hold her close. Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him, as if someone had taken a deep breath, and his senses returned. He pushed Alice away quickly and turned to see Curly dive around the side of the house, escaping their view. Frantically, he cleared his mind. That was too close, for if the intruder had been Alice's father, he would have been forced to marry her because he had compromised her, or he would have found himself facing a revolver. He could not take that chance.

"Don't you love me?" Alice pleaded with him, tears streaming down her face.

Wade hung his head, for he had no idea how she could have concluded that his affections for her were more than merely plutonic. He had never responded to her advances, nor had they spoken of anything personal since he had arrived. But he knew the hurt of love lost, and his heart ached that he would cause anyone such pain. "I am deeply remorseful that my actions could have possibly led you to believe such a thing."

"But I love you, and we can go back to Georgia. You may not love me, but I will be good to you." She dropped her hands to her sides, and decided to play her last card, the truth. "I just want to go home, and this is the only way. My father would allow you to take my hand because of who you are. You are my last hope."

Wade's heart twisted, knowing he had no solution to this beautiful girl's wretched pain. "I have pledged my heart to another. I'm sorry." He could not bear to see her tears for another moment, so he turned and left her.

He walked slowly back to the bunkhouse, stunned. He was totally unprepared for Alice's advances, and he seriously regretted his reaction, for he did not mean to make her cry or break her heart. He understood her longing for Georgia; he felt the same desire, but her solution was unfeasible. His heart belonged to Emily, and he was not willing to do anything to jeopardize their relationship.

As he entered the bunkhouse, he found Curly sitting on his bed, looking dazed and angry. Striking up a conversation, in order to forget the events that had just transpired, he said, "Boy, I will sure be glad to get on the trail."

Curly replied, angrily, "It matters not to me whether you go along or not. In fact, you can go to Halifax for all I care." He spit on the floor and stomped out of the door.

Wade stared after him. What had come over him? What would make him suddenly so angry? Contemplating his bewildering reaction, Wade began to look at the facts in a completely new light, and he lost his breath. Curly was like no other man he had met in his life. His shoulders were narrow, and his feet were tiny. His features were soft, and yet his voice was much lower than one would expect, almost as if he were forcing himself to speak like a man. Could it be?

He ran out the door, looking for Curly in every direction. He spotted him on his horse, heading towards the watering hole that they had used earlier that day, so Wade mounted Silver and rode after him.

Catching up, he grabbed Curly's reins, forcing him to stop. Wade demanded, "Speak to me in your regular voice." Curly glared at him, unwilling to utter a sound.

"Speak to me or I... I," Wade was at a loss for words.

"Or you'll what?" Curly spat angrily.

Wade stared at him incredulously, dropping his reins. He heard the voice that he had recorded in his mind, the loveliest voice, the voice he had dreamt of on lonely nights, one that he had feared he would never hear again. It was the voice of Emily.

"You're..." Wade continued to stare; amazed that he had not recognized her sooner. She had cut her hair, and kept her face hidden behind a handkerchief, but her eyes were now suddenly familiar, and his heart ached knowing that she had been beside him for so long.

"And? You think I will fall into your arms now? Not likely, sir. Now, if you will excuse me, I would like to be alone. You can go back to Alice, and bask in her beastly glow. I'll have nothing more to do with you." She turned her back on him, and continued to ride around to the other side of the pond.

Realization swept over him as he remembered her presence as Alice kissed him, and his face reddened with embarrassment and anger. She had only seen Alice's assault, and left before he had defended himself and articulated his love for Emily. After traveling so far, he could not allow her to escape him, again, and he decided to follow her.

"Emily," he called until she finally stopped and turned to face him. "Please, listen to me. You have misconstrued the scene, and I can explain exactly what happened."

"There is no need to explain. I know my viperous cousin, and I also know you, and now you know me. It seems to me that light has broken through, and no one is in the dark. So if you will excuse me, I think I will enjoy my new vision."

Wade fought to speak through his dry throat, fearing that she would never listen to him, and she would get away again. "Emily, you have to listen. I have come so far to find you, and I cannot lose you now."

"First of all, in order to lose me, that would imply that at some point in time you had me, which you did not. Secondly, I am not going anywhere, for you see, I am going to Dodge City. I am going to earn a paycheck, and I am going purchase a train ticket home. I do not now, nor have I ever needed you to rescue me. So do what you wish, and if that is Alice, so be it." Anger flared in her eyes as she tried to turn away from him, again, but he could not allow her to avoid him. He had waited so long to profess his love to her, and now everything was wrong. He longed to take her in his arms and disclose every emotion that had driven him to ride thousands of miles to find her.

"Emily, you are my love, and I told Alice as much. I told her that I could never love another, for you hold my heart. The memory of your touch and your voice has driven me to face obstacles that should have defeated me, but I overcame because of you. I..."

Emily interrupted sharply, "I will hear no more of your lies." She slowly drew a pistol from her holster and pointed it at Wade. He recognized it immediately, for it was the pistol he had received as a gift from his mother, and the same pistol he had fired when her brother was killed. It was an odd feeling to look down the barrel of his own gun, knowing that she held her finger against the trigger. "Here is the plan. You will go back to the bunkhouse and pretend that you have no idea who I am. You will not look at me or speak to me unless it is protocol. Is that understood?"

Wade nodded his head lightly, but he really did not understand.

Emily pulled back the hammer with her thumb and continued, "If you so much as try to protect me, I will use this. One little slip from you could cost me my freedom, and I am not willing to lose it because of your chivalry." Wade looked over the barrel into her hard blue, steely eyes. He had never seen her like this. Could it have been a charade; her kindness, beauty, gentility?

"You know I would never hurt you," Wade pleaded, still confused and hurt.

"I know nothing, nor do you, for that matter." She narrowed her eyes, ensuring that he fully understood her intentions, and he could see her hand trembling. "For the last time, sir, I bid you good day." Her glowering eyes pierced his soul, but he had no other recourse. He had spoken the only words he could recollect, and they did not penetrate the thick wall that stood between them. He was not sure that her words were true, but he had no alternative other than to leave her, hoping that she would return to the ranch just as she said.

He turned from her and rode a few paces, then circled to address her once more, "I cannot conceive your thoughts or fathom your motives, but I know in my heart that you still love me, just as I love you, and neither miles nor heartaches nor intrusions can change that." He trotted slowly back toward the ranch, more afraid than he had been in a long time. The thought of losing her was more frightening than the endless difficulties he had faced in the last year, for losing his life or his health was incomparable to losing hopes, dreams, and sanity.

He rode around the ranch endlessly awaiting her return, for he could not relax until she was in his sight, however when she did return, no words were spoken or glances exchanged. She had spoken her exact intentions, allowing not a moment alone, and he dared not test her fortitude, not fearing her hostility but rather her rejection.

Only a few days remained before they would begin driving the cattle north to Dodge City, and Alice had not abandoned her campaign for his attention. Each evening at dinner, her eyes remained focused on him, and she managed to lay a hand on him at various points throughout each evening, becoming more embittered at each unreciprocated attempt for his affection. Wade withdrew uncomfortably when she would lean over his shoulder, touching his arm or stroking his shoulder, aware of Emily's presence. He would never let her witness another scene where she could possibly misinterpret his actions.

He could not avoid her forever, though, for she planned their meetings at intervals throughout the day, still hoping that she could win his heart. Upon one such meeting, she looked around, seeing no one, and decided to approach him in a different manner. "Wade, tell me about this girl who has your heart. Is it anyone I know?"

Wade faltered slightly. He knew her opinion of Emily did not wish to embark on that discussion again. "No. It is someone from home."

"How about if I just be blunt?" She didn't wait for an answer, "I can love you better than whatever girl you have waiting in the corner, and I would much rather you take me because you want to than because I tell my father that you have compromised me. I believe that down here in Texas, they call it a "shotgun wedding" and they are really not so pleasant." She cocked her head, convinced that she had the upper hand. "By the way, your friend Curly has a little secret, doesn't she? Yes, I said she. Her family is looking for her in The Flats. I'm sure my father would be obliged to take her to her kin, if I told him who she was." She always did like being in control, and she could sense the power she held simply by looking at Wade's face which had turned completely white, strained by the implication. "I'll just let you think about your answer. I'm sure that you will feel compelled to make the right decision for both of us." She winked at him then bounced off as if she had just shared a schoolgirl secret, and was off to play innocently with her dolls.

At one time, Wade had found Alice attractive and sweet, but she had turned devilishly sly. Suddenly, her green eyes reminded him of his scheming, vicious mother, and the sight of Alice turned his stomach, making him wretch. Once again, he was held captive by the plot of a cold, calculating green-eyed monster, centered on having her wishes granted at the sake of any person naïve enough to be in her path. Now, not only was his freedom in danger, but Emily was in danger, as well, and somehow, he had to protect her.

Wade spent the next two days avoiding Alice and Emily, considering his options. They were so few. No matter which way he turned, his hands were tied, and his alternatives were limited. If he chose to marry Alice, he would lose Emily, but if he chose to run, Alice would expose Emily's façade, and he would still lose her. Finally, he made a choice, but it was unspeakable, despicable, and the most ungentlemanly act he could possible perform. His head throbbed when he considered taking action for even the thought of his disloyalty to Emily broke his heart. He couldn't face her, knowing that he was executing a contemptible act, even though in the end he would save her from the torment of being returned to her father. He had no other choice, and he was running out of time. He resolved to confront Alice and settle the matter immediately.

Alice was fairly easy to find, for she had made herself available, anticipating his prompt reply. Seeing her this time, aware of her true intentions and his ghastly predicament, made him even more aware of his repulsion towards her. He felt nothing but contempt for her, and he was forced to gather every bit of his courage to say the words he had resigned himself to speak. At this moment, he knew that he was doing the unthinkable, carrying out an act that no self-respecting man would consider, proving himself unfaithful to the woman he loved by performing treachery with another.

He met Alice's eyes, squaring his shoulders, gathering his courage, relying on his valor to carry him through. "Alice, I am prepared to ask your father for your hand in marriage if you will have me."

Her eyes began to shimmer, knowing she had won the battle, anticipating victory in the war. "Why, Wade, I had no idea." Her reply was repugnant, but Wade ignored her sarcasm. "I would be honored to be your wife. My father is in the barn, looking at the horses the cowboys will take on the drive. You can go to him right now."

"You will have to be patient, my darling. I am going to wait until after I have returned from the cattle drive."

Alice's eyes grew wide, and she began to speak wildly, flailing her arms frantically, "No, I can't wait, and you cannot go. It is dangerous, and I cannot bear to wait until you come back. Please, don't go, please." The next thing he knew, she was crying passionately, and he could not comprehend her lack of reason. Did she really care that much about him, or was she only impatient to return to Georgia?

"Alice, let's be reasonable. I do not have the funds to take us back to Georgia. I have to finish the cattle drive for two reasons. First, I need the money to get us home, and I have promised your father that I would complete this mission. What good is a man if his word is unreliable? You would love me no other way." He smiled and touched her arm, hoping to reassure her and calm her down, but she continued to wail uncontrollably.

"Wade, you can't! I have listened to the men talking, and five men died last year just trying to cross the Red River. I cannot stay in this forsaken land any longer, and you are my only escape. You cannot fail me."

Wade understood her meaning. He meant no more to her than a free ticket east, and he flinched at her apathetic words. The details of his plan were solidified in his mind as she reiterated that she cared no more for him that he cared for her. He was firm in his response to her, unfaltering in his determination, "No, Alice, it has to be this way. I understand your impatience, but you have to understand the world of gentlemen. If I go back on my promise to fulfill this mission, your father would never trust me enough to give me your hand. Your future is at stake, here, and impatience will most certainly jeopardize your conspiracy. If you want a successful marriage, you might as well learn to trust me, now, for you will have to trust me many more times in our future together." In order to convince her of his honorable intentions, he took her hands in his, and kissed each of them delicately, and then placed them on his chest, letting her feel the beat of his heart. He searched her eyes for evidence of her faith, drawing a curtain over his own, hoping she could not see his animosity. When she reluctantly agreed to wait for his return, he smiled with relief, and then continued to ready himself for the long cattle drive ahead.

Chapter 12

They started out on the Great Western Trail for Vernon, Texas with 3,500 beeves, headed for the Red River. Jobe laid out the rules of the drive and the responsibilities of each of the hands. Wade and Emily took flank, toward the back end of the herd. They would be keeping the longhorns in line and turning the cattle to follow the points. With extra hands on board, there were two flanks on each side of the herd, and though Wade and Emily were on the same side, no words were spoken between them. They were to take the third shift of the night watch, and Wade hoped that there would be time to talk at night, but after a long, hard, dusty day, they were too exhausted to think, let alone hold intelligible conversation.

The day started at the first light of dawn with strong coffee and biscuits, and they were soon on their way, driving the cattle for about twelve miles in the heat and dust, until the sun began to set, relieving them of its sweltering burn. After a long day in the saddle, they ate supper, and then fell asleep around the roaring campfire with only a bedroll to cushion the painfully hard ground beneath them. Miles of endless red clay and flat grassland lay ahead of them, yet Wade could only focus on the reward at the end, oblivious of the obstacles that lie between him and his aspirations of happily ever after. They were finally on their way, and he could feel the release of pressure as he left Alice far behind.

True to her word, Emily neither exchanged glances nor spoke a word to him outside of necessary interaction related to the cattle, and Wade's heart tore with each look in her direction, desiring even a hint that there remained a passionate spark between them. She gave him no such indication, and bitterness was inflected in her voice when she addressed him. He considered that Alice had empowered herself by revealing his proposal to her to Emily, for he had come to realize that Alice could be just that spiteful, but he had no evidence that this suspicion was true, and he sincerely hoped that he could reveal this information himself with explanation and revelation of his full plan.

There never seemed to be time, though. During the day, they rode beside the swift moving longhorns through the open plains; avoiding small mesquite that grew in bunches, leading the cattle to slow moving springs or watering holes, and then urging them forward again. At times, one would stray, luring others to follow, and Wade would ride beside, circling them back into the herd. Over small hills and flat, dry land, they drove them, full attention on the herd, watching intently.

Emily's inexperience became more apparent after a long day of riding; she climbed off the horse, sore and aching. She had battled her horse, keeping him in line, yet unable to handle such an animal. Wade offered Silver, for although he had once been a wild mustang, he knew Wade's movements, as though they were one, and he was sure that Silver would be gentle. Emily would not hear of it, determined to make this journey with no exceptions, and she continued without complaint. Wade became increasingly concerned, however, for her horse bucked easily, was uncontrollable and contrary. Often Emily moved her body, giving him the wrong signal, and he would struggle with her contemptuously.

After supper one evening, Jobe spoke up over the loud banter across the campfire, expressing his concern. The next day would be adventurous for they would be crossing the Red River. At once, Wade began to worry, remembering Alice's words that five men had died crossing the Red River the year before. Jobe barked directions, foretelling the danger of the open water both to the cattle and the men, but the cattlemen roared with feigned certainty, encouraging themselves and their comrades as if going into battle. They would face the mighty Red and would overcome with every man and beeve intact. Wade was not convinced, however, and that night he slept restlessly, apprehensive of Emily's ability to guide her horse safely across the rushing waters.

When they reached the Red River, Wade stared at it in awe for a moment, for its appearance was true to its name. The water ran quickly across the wide gorge, and it was red, the color of the clay over which it ran, like the color of worn, red leather winding its way through hot dry land. The place they would cross had been named Doan's Crossing after the owner of the small store where they would stock up on wares after they had crossed. A barge waited on the edge of the river to haul the chuck wagon, but the cattle and horses would swim across where the river narrowed slightly, fighting the current and praying for survival.

Breathing deeply, as if filling themselves with air would also fill them with courage, the lead horsemen led the way across, followed by resistant longhorns being driven by the cattlemen on either side and the back. Wade and Emily were instructed to stay on the west side of the pack, building a fortress against the east-moving river. As Silver waded in, Wade stayed mounted, urging Silver on, keeping an eye on the pack and on Emily, right behind him. The slow-moving cattle struggled against the current of the river, swimming hard before an unusually strong drift moved through them, sending the weaker ones down the river. The cowboys on the eastern flank fought to retrieve them, throwing ropes around their necks and pulling them forward as the river ran deeper and stronger.

Silver lost his footing for a moment, and began to swim, keeping Wade above the water. They had crossed rivers before, and Wade was confident that Silver could make it across, and then he remembered Emily. He looked behind him, but he saw nothing but panic stricken beeves. Spotting Emily's riderless horse, he spun around, resisting Silver's pull forward. Splashing and movement clouded his vision, and the calls of frightened cattle and the rushing water roared in his ears until he could hear nothing. Fighting his way back, he saw her hanging on to the tail of her horse, gasping for breath, wrestling against the call of death whispering mutiny in her ears. Her horse, dragging itself across the river, unaware of the cargo it pulled, began to lose its power, becoming slower, and then drifted into the line of cattle making its way across. Wade called to her desperately, but her ears were filled with the sound of terror, and her body was being beaten by the hastening current and the anxious cattle.

Wade entreated Silver to return to Emily, but he was fretful, aware of the power of the frightened herd, and Wade had to dismount, knowing Silver would make it to the other side. He swam to Emily, avoiding the long, sharp horns surrounding him, and wrapped his arms around her, as she tried to fight him off. Even in the throws of death, she could not let go of her pride, and she fought him until her strength was spent. Fighting the struggling cattle surrounding him, he felt a strong pointed object tear at his flesh through his shirt. Wade grabbed the reins of Emily's horse, holding on to her powerfully with his other arm, and thrust his legs against the force of the river, until his feet hit the bottom, and he began to push his body to the edge of the bank. They fell together on the bank of the river.

Wade searched her face for signs of life, but he saw none. Leaning over her, he could not feel her breath on his face or a pulse in her neck, and he turned her over, thumping her back until water spewed from her mouth. Sputtering forcefully, she shook violently as she coughed, sucking breath deeply. Her body was bruised and sore, and blood oozed from tiny cuts over her body, but she sat up quickly, suddenly aware of her surroundings. She looked at Wade, hovering over her, and she pushed him away.

"Get away from me. They cannot discover my disguise."

Wade stood, willing her to remain seated until she had regained her strength, but she rose unsteadily, still forcing him back with reproaching glowers. He felt relieved that she had survived, but he was hurt that she disregarded his act of heroism, more concerned with her identity than her life. He replied, "Who cares if they know who you are. We will never see them again." He tried to take her hand to keep her steady, but she threw it off.

"You imbecile, if they find that I am a woman, I will be fired. You will see them again. Did you so soon forget that you pledged yourself to be married to that wretched girl?"

So, she did know, but did she know that entire story? Did she know that he had proposed in order to save her from being exposed and returned to her abusive father? He did not have time to ask questions, for the cattle continued to lurch out of the water, startled and frantic. He pulled her out of the path of the beeves, ran to Silver, and mounted quickly, circling the charging cattle to gain control before they started to stampede. He would have to face her another time, for the herd was hysterical, and the riders exhausted from fighting the river. When they finished their count, they found they had lost eleven head in the rushing water with no chance of recovery. It would be counted as a loss, just as if they had died of exhaustion, heat, or dehydration. They celebrated, though, when each man was accounted for. They had lost no human life.

Celebrations did not last long, for they had to keep moving. The chuck wagon stopped at Doan's Crossing to restock supplies, but the cowboys kept the herd in motion. They had reached Oklahoma, and though the name changed, the terrain did not. The sun rose directly overhead each day, giving a dry, sweltering heat over the parched land. Tumbleweeds rolled by, unaware of the passersby, and now, wind would have been a blessing for the lack of air movement settled the dust in their lungs, pushing the heat to the ground then reflecting it up towards the riders.

Being that they had entered designated Indian Territory, where the Indians from other states had been relocated against their will, they should have seen no settlements, however small dugouts scattered over the virgin land, where towns and cities would soon rise, spiting promises made to the natives. Herds of buffalo ran alongside the line of longhorns before changing course, and groups of teepees dotted the land, sheltering Cherokee families as their men hunted the same buffalo until migrating, aware of the importance and fragility of the balance of nature.

Wade took notice of the tribes of Native Americans, looking fierce, yet unlike the sordid stories related in the legends of the Wild West. They were friendly and helpful though understandably distrustful of the white man racing cattle through land they had been promised. There were no fences for they belonged to the land, and Wade felt a kinship with the people who loved the land just as he loved his land in Georgia.

Looming ahead of them were mountains of rocks, which they wound their way around, and night became even more dangerous as they huddled closer around the fire, warding off rattlesnakes that made their homes in the mountains. Men on night watch felt shivers run up their spine as they listened to the scream of mountain lions and puma on the hunt, waiting hungrily for just one dogie to stray. Standing on the edge of rising cliffs stood mountain goats; they were odd looking creatures, yet nimbly making their way over the rocky terrain, while coyote hid in the shadows watching every move.

Once they rounded the rocky hills, they were back into dry country, still and tan, as waves of heat rose from the level horizon, and the setting sun brought some relief though the heat now lasted through the night. Wade and Emily were still on the third shift of night watch, and though he had attempted to discuss his proposal to Alice, she had stopped him every time. He wondered if she wanted to know the truth or if she was satisfied, knowing that their relationship was over. He considered avoiding her, allowing her to wallow in ignorance, but his heart was soft, and he could never let her go without a fight. He had come too far.

Once again, he stopped beside her as she looked around, admiring the open landscape, where the starry night seemed to stretch forever, and the silence was deafening. They were alone, for they were the only ones on watch for the next two hours. The steer were settled, the camp was sleeping, and only the sound of their voices could be heard for miles.

He whispered softly, "Please let me explain. Without the complete story, I look like a fool. In its entirety, I will seem unscrupulous and cruel, but you will see where my devotion lies, and you must know to whom I have given my heart."

She did not have the chance to answer. Gunshots rang through the blackness, stirring the cattle and waking the cowboys. Wade raced around the edge of the herd, circling them as he had been taught, and Emily ran behind and alongside of him, dashing through the stampeding herd as they became more frenzied. Every hand grabbed his horse and corralled the anxious beeves, but Wade could see several that had not been rounded back, and he raced after them, pulling them back. Shots rang out again, and Wade continued, ducking the raging cattle horns, drawing them back to the bedding ground, until he felt a sharp sting in his shoulder. He fell to Silver's neck, clutching the reins desperately, and continued his efforts. The hooves roared like thunder until slowly, they began to calm.

Emily trotted to Wade's side, catching his reins and pulling them towards her, and then he slowly drifted to the ground, releasing his grip on Silver, and clutching his shoulder. He could feel the warm, sticky blood running through his fingers, and the searing pain pulsing through his arm to the fingertips. He tried to remember when the pain had started, but his vision and his memory was fading, and all he could see was Emily's face as she leaned over him, then picked him up, supporting his body, and walked him back to the camp. Warmth settled on him as the cook, Red, poured liquid down his throat, making him sputter as it burned his chest down to his stomach, and then darkness settled over him.

He slept as Red worked under a lantern, removing the bullet from his arm, and bandaging it tightly, and then as Red and Jobe discussed whether he could continue the trip. They were only halfway through Oklahoma, and the dangers of the trail were not over. Jobe brought Curly over and asked, "Hey Curly, you think he can make it? Red had to cut pretty deep to remove the bullet, and he's gonna hurt pretty bad when he wakes up."

Emily eyed him closely, and then faced Jobe, unblinking, "You think he could make it alone? That's as good as murder."

Jobe nodded, "Right. Right." He raised his hands then dropped them then twisted his lips. "Do you think you can handle it? You know you'll have to pull some of his weight if he continues."

Squarely, she cocked her head to the side then answered with assurance, "You bet I can handle him." She walked away sauntering proudly, and looked to the sun peeking over the horizon and began to help line up the cattle.

After they had counted, they found that rustlers had stolen fifteen head. Wade had stopped them from thieving another five or ten, but now he laid in the back of the chuck wagon, recuperating from surgery and a whopping headache, a side effect of cattle trail surgery. So far, they had lost twenty-six head of cattle, and they were only a little over halfway there. They could not stand to lose anymore, or they would take a loss in pay. Stress levels began to rise, and they began to push even harder, always keeping them moving. Tempers rose as they battled heat and exhaustion, causing dissent among the men. Even as Jobe spoke to them, encouraging them, sparks of bitter words ignited and small trifles became battles so that not a night went by that fists were not bared. Even the herd appeared restless, stomping around at night, and wandering more frequently during the long tread in daylight.

Wade recovered quickly, and though his shoulder blistered in the sun under the heavy bandages soaked red by the end of the day, he spoke no words, not even to Emily. His pride was sore, for on this journey he was supposed to have saved her, and instead, she had come to his rescue. He did not try to approach her again as he had on the night the rustlers had invaded, and he had no intention of pursuing her further. Her act of bravery far surpassed his chivalry, and his hurt pride could not be restored, nor could he bring himself to be at her mercy. So far, she had shown nothing but indifference, and the cold bitterness that he had felt with his mother had returned. Rhett's words of advice rang through his head, and he decided that he would show no weakness for he was sure that she would devour him as the flowing Red River had consumed the steer.

By mid-July they had reached the Kansas border, and within a couple of days they would be in Dodge City, but like the flaring tempers of the cattle and the men, they watched the sky glow red early in the morning. The sun was blocked by the puffs of billowing clouds colliding swiftly, and by afternoon, the sky had turned a strange shade of green. Noises erupted across the barren land, hidden birds chirped and prairie dogs ran swiftly. The cattle stomped around, unwilling to move forward as the wind picked up and the clouds began to swirl, slowly at first, and then more quickly, as if fighting for territory and room to explode. Streaks of lightening raced across the sky, followed by peals of thunder, jolting the beeves into action. They scattered in every direction, stomping fiercely as the lightening and thunder continued to bellow warnings across the green sky. Wade ignored the shooting pain in his arm, riding furiously, to settle the herd. Suddenly, balls of hail pounded them, falling from the sky and bouncing up from the ground. The frightened cattle continued to roam, searching for shelter from the pelting ice, and the men barely protected their faces as they crammed their hats harder on their heads, covering themselves with their arms until they could not take the pounding any longer.

Silence erupted as the hail stopped, and the men immediately rounded up the herd, counting to see if they had lost anymore. They began to rope a bedding ground, hearing a roar edging closer, like the roar of a train making its way on its tracks, and Wade could see in the distance a long swirling mass of dust and debris swirling from the clouds and touching the ground like a long tunnel, swirling towards them. The twister spun and shivered, demolishing everything in its path, tearing up dried bushes and trees as if they were twigs, and carrying them, feeding itself, gaining power and strength through its destruction. He could feel the wind pick up speed, as the tornado broadened, as if breathing, a live vessel, devouring and consuming its prey, twisting and turning across the prairie, leaving a line of nothingness behind it. Then, slowly, as if by its own power, it became thinner, jumping from the ground, and diminished back into the clouds, leaving silence and then soft, slow falling rain.

As if nothing had happened, the sun emerged and they looked around seeing small bits of hail still lying on the ground and bruises on their bodies where they had been beaten by the ice pellets. In front of them lay a wide path, cleared of trees and grass, as if the tornado had opened a path for them, correctly predicting their destination. The cattle were still, shocked by the hailstones and sudden change in pressure and temperature, and when they were counted, they found that they had only lost two. Wade and Emily offered to search for them, and within a few minutes, they returned with the steers tightly roped around their horns, following as if they were naughty children being led to the corner.

The sky was growing dusky so they decided to bed for the night. They would be in Dodge City within a couple of days, and each man crawled into his bedroll that night dreaming of how he would spend his paycheck in Dodge City, the luxuries he would find, and the ruckus he would raise. Wade and Emily dreamt of the long train ride home, each of them hoping to avoid the other, expecting to be alone, and anxiously awaiting the comforts they would find at home which they had taken for granted a year ago, and so desperately missed.

Chapter 13

Dodge City was not quite as modern as Wade had imagined. It was a smaller town than Atlanta, but it was bustling with people, and very quickly the longhorns were sold, and they were loading them onto railcars to be sent east. They prodded the cattle down the chute onto the train, fifteen head per car which took most of the day, but when it was over, celebrations began. They immediately went to the bathhouse to get cleaned up then down to the saloon for a good meal and some fun. Jobe ordered a round of drinks, and though Wade felt slightly guilty for drinking whiskey when he had promised Aunt Melly that he never would, he didn't want to insult Jobe or look like a weakling in front of the other men, so he grabbed the glass, and threw his shot down the back of his throat, coughing and sputtering as it burned all the way down.

Within a couple of hours, Wade had thrown back several shots, and an odd feeling was beginning to come over him. He felt as if the world was spinning, his head floated lightly above him, and his stomach was rather queasy. The roar of the men surrounded him, laughing loudly as they recounted every mile of the long drive, slapping his wounded shoulder, yet he felt no pain. Every once in a while, he glanced at Emily sitting quietly in the corner, her face looking contorted through his blurry vision, yet still an angelic beauty. Although he wanted desperately to pour out his heart to her, he was able to control his drunkenness, knowing that even now she could not be discovered. To the rest of the men sitting around the table she was known as Curly, and since they had not talked, he did not know where she planned to go. Soon, the swirling room began to darken, and then turned completely black.

When he awoke the next morning, he found himself in a strange room. His clothes had been removed and he had been taken to bed, and standing in front of the mirror, an unfamiliar woman was dressing herself. Her hair was unnaturally blonde and shining like platinum, and on her face, long streaks of dark rouge made her look strangely horrifying. She wore a bright red dress, matching the rouge on her cheeks and trimmed with fluffy edging that sparkled as she moved. She could have been an amazingly beautiful woman, but she moved ungracefully, as if she didn't know how to handle her body, yet her shoulders were squared and she looked boldly into the mirror, searching for something she couldn't find. She grimaced sadly then turned, taken aback to find Wade watching her so intently.

"So, you've finally woken up." She walked over and handed him his clothes. "I'm Dora. Jobe asked me to take care of ya." Then she walked over to the dressing table and grabbed something and handed it to him. "Here. This'll take care of that whopping headache I'm sure you got. You better get dressed fast, the rest of the gang'll be on the train heading back to Texas today, and you don't wanta get left."

Wade stared at her, as if she were speaking an incomprehensible language, for all he could think of was the desire to be left alone. He certainly had no intentions of getting dressed in front of this stranger, and it almost seemed as if she had no intentions of leaving. Wade had heard of this type of woman before, but he had never met one, and he did not know what to say or even what had taken place the night before.

"Um, Ma'am, I certainly don't mean to be rude, but I don't really recollect my arrival in this place. How did I get here?"

Dora laughed knowingly. She had seen many young boys like him, unable to hold their whiskey, speaking very politely. He had been raised as a gentleman, thrown into a life of hardship, unable to change to match their surroundings and she almost felt sympathy, but rather, a brutal frustration came over her, knowing that he judged her harshly. "I have told you once, Jobe asked me to put you to bed last night, and that's exactly what I did. I don't know what kind of woman you think I am, but I am not the kind of woman that needs to take advantage of the likes of a little boy who can't hold his liquor. Get dressed and get out."

Stunned and slightly embarrassed, Wade immediately got up and dressed quickly, ignoring the fact that she stood there in the middle of the room watching. He had no idea how he had offended her, but he certainly did not want to do it again, for her tongue was sharp, and he did not want to experience the other side of the blade. Quite frankly, he had no idea what she was talking about, for although he had spent the last several months among rough men, he was still quite naïve about the nature of such women. He simply wanted to know what had happened after the room quit spinning and became dark.

He walked down the stairs then out into the sunlight, pulling his hat down further, shading his eyes from the blaring rays of sun which felt like hot pokers piercing his head. Jobe and the rest of the men were waiting at the depot. They would take a train most of the way to Texas, then would ride out the rest of the way to the ranch, but Wade had no intention of joining them. He shook Jobe's hand, saying good-bye, and Jobe thanked him heartily for his help on the trail. Wade was disheartened by the many good-byes; he would miss the men, but far worse he longed to get home, so he booked passage to Atlanta, loaded Silver in a cargo hold and boarded the next train, homeward bound.

He found his seat, and laid his head back to rest. He knew the trip would be long, and although his headache had eased, his body was aching, and his shoulder was till sore. He felt a presence beside him, but decided not to open his eyes, uncaring about the passenger beside him until she spoke.

"Are you ready?"

Wade eyes flew open, hearing the voice he thought he would never hear again, the smooth, flowing voice that haunted his dreams at night, and quickened his pulse. "Ready for what?" He turned to look out the window as the hurt he had felt over the last months returned to him quickly. After torturing him endlessly, she had the gall to speak to him so lightly, and he did not know if he had the strength to face her now.

She looked at him, and then glanced down at her hands, calloused and raw. She continued, "You have wanted to talk. It seems that now is the perfect opportunity. We have quite a long ride ahead." She paused for a moment, but he did not reply. "It seems to me that you have boarded the wrong train."

"I am going back to Tara. That was my objective all along." Wade refused to look at her, fearing that his resolve would break if he looked into her eyes.

"Are you not engaged to Alice?" Tears began to well in her eyes, and she wiped them away quickly, hoping he did not see. "She cornered me several times, threatening to uncover my disguise. She finally disclosed her plan of blackmail, and I knew exactly what you would do, but that does not explain your return to Tara."

Agonizingly, Wade considered his explanation, but none seemed suitable, for nothing would erase the shameful trick he had played on Alice, and he could not stand for Emily to know of his deceit. He had committed a crime of the most indecent proportions, an unforgivable act that would leave him scorned and shunned by any lady who would learn of it.

Emily filled the silence, "I think you should go back." She twisted her hands fretfully, tearing at splintered fingernails. "Her name is well-established, and she is backed by wealth which would benefit Tara. You would still be able to attend the University to become a lawyer. Your mother would approve of such a girl." She continued to stare at her hands, wishing immensely that he would speak.

He did not know what to say. None of the things of which she had spoken bore any meaning to him. He could not care less about names, money, or his mother's approval, nor had Emily cared about such things before. He turned to look at her, curious about her sudden change. It was as if he was seeing yet another side to her, and he was becoming dizzy with all the changes she had made recently. He felt as if he didn't know her at all, and if these issues were going to be her focus, he had no desire to know her.

"First, you answer a few questions for me. Why were you so hateful on the ranch? If you knew that I had no feelings for Alice, why would you turn against me?"

"Does it really matter?" Emily tried to evade his questions, but she knew he would persist, for he stared at her intently, waiting for an answer. "Well, let us get to the bottom of this. I am no good for you, and I never have been."

"That does not answer my question either. We can spend this entire trip playing games, or we can finish this here and now. Honestly, I am quite tired of the charades, the dances, and whatever else you have been doing." Wade's eyes blazed with fury. He wanted answers immediately.

"Fine." Emily swallowed hard, continuing frightfully. "After we left Georgia, my father's temper grew worse, and I became terrified that I would not live to see you again. I ran from him and hid at the Kellecee ranch, but I knew that I was unwelcome, so I disguised myself as a cowhand. I was stunned to see you there because I thought you had decided to let me go. I had searched for you along the entire trip to Texas, but I never found you. At first, I was upset that you did not help me, but then I knew when I heard you speak that you would risk your own life to protect me and expose us both if you thought for a moment that I was in danger. I thought that if I pushed you from me, we would both be safer."

Wade listened intently, uneasy that she seemed to know him so well that she could predict his moves so easily, and as he examined his motives, he knew that she was on cue.

"When I knew that Alice wanted you, it occurred to me that she would be better for you. I have caused you nothing but trouble. I have instigated a confrontation with my father, caused you to leave your family, quit school, and ride halfway around the country in search of me, when quite truthfully, I am not worthy of you nor your devotion." She lowered her head, closing her eyes, apprehensively listening for his reply. On hearing none, she raised her head to look at him, and she saw an astonished look on his face.

The last words she spoke dazed him. These thoughts had never occurred to him, nor did they make any sense. He saw that her eyes were red and puffy, and her face which had been bronzed by the sun, showed streaks of moisture. Fresh tears poured down the sides of her cheeks, dropping into her lap. No longer concerned with his approval, she let them slide without wiping them away.

Wade stammered for a moment then reached toward her face to wipe away her tears. "I am not sure of an appropriate response. Your thoughts are unfounded and erroneous to say the least, and rather insulting." He handed her a handkerchief, and continued, "Maybe it would ease your mind to know of my own ill-conceived plan, and then you can despise me for genuine reasoning rather than fictitious suggestions of unworthiness. I had no intention of marrying Alice. I knew that if I did not agree to her conditions, she would expose you, so I told her to wait until I had returned to approach her father and she consented. When I did not return, she would have no husband or object with which to barter. I know it is the most ill-bred act of a gentleman, but I had no other choice. Now, my dear, I believe we are even."

Emily moved her hand toward his and grasped it tightly, "That was despicable, yet knowing your intense desire to behave gallantly, I understand that you did it to save me. And, I never did thank you properly for saving my life on the Red River. I would not have made it through that swim or the rest of the drive if you hadn't been beside me."

"We are not yet through. As for the rest of that silliness pouring from your beautiful lips, I will address each one. I do not care about your name, for I intend for you to take mine. I am making enough money at Tara to provide for you, and I have never gained my mother's approval. Why should I expect it or even vie for it, now? I am going to go to the University because I promised Uncle Ashley that I would go in return for the funding that he provided for my trip to Texas." He felt her hands begin to tremble, but he continued, "Finally, never again will I allow you to speak words that even remotely conjure images of unworthiness, for you are the only person in the world that I would consider worthy of my affection."

Wade raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, then placed it back in her lap, aware of the other train passengers. They did not speak for a few moments, and Wade stared out of the window wondering how she had changed again so rapidly. She had once again become soft and gentle after a long stint of cold harshness. It seemed as if every time they spoke, she changed her demeanor, and he wondered if he would have to contend with these changes for the rest of his life. He had to admit that he wasn't sure he wanted to handle her alternating disposition. He also wondered if all women's manner changed so often. His mother bore an attitude of coldness and strength, and Aunt Melly held gentle strength and playful love. Emily mixed all of these traits and Wade never knew which he would experience. He only knew that when he thought of her, his heart beat faster, seeing her made his palms moist and his mouth dry and sitting here next to her drove him insane.

The remainder of the trip was pleasant as they spoke genially of their experiences of the past few months and their hopes and dreams for the future. When they arrived in Atlanta, Wade realized that Emily was still sporting her masculine dress. He proposed to visit with Uncle Ashley and introduce Emily, so they stopped by a dress shop and when she emerged from a fitting room, she was wearing the loveliest lavender dress. It was embellished with only a thin row of buttons down the front, and a perfectly fitted princess cut, yet there was no adornment, allowing the simplicity of the dress and her beauty subdue the allure of the dress.

They reached Uncle Ashley's house in the middle of the afternoon, and he greeted them at the door with open arms, feeling overwhelmingly relieved that Wade had returned safely. With his usual charm, he welcomed Emily and introduced her to his sister India and Aunt Pittypat. After dinner she would accompany them back to their house, where she would stay the night, for it would not be appropriate for her to sleep under the same roof with a bachelor, a widower, and his son. When Ashley and Wade were finally alone, they retired to the library for a quiet nightcap, and a cigar. Ashley was anxious to hear about Wade's adventures, and Wade enjoyed recanting them, embellishing only slightly.

"I did not tell your mother of your journey to Texas. We both know that she would never approve of such travel, nor would she approve of your choice for female companionship, being that she is not well-received. I have researched her family, and I understand that her mother was disowned after her marriage, therefore making Emily an unsuitable choice for marriage." Wade did not respond, for Emily's family history was inconsequential.

"However I did write to her about your promise to attend the University. She has arranged for your attendance beginning next fall. Your tuition has been paid, and she has specified a spending allowance for your clothing."

Wade swallowed hard. He had been hoping to renege on his promise to attend the university, but apparently there was no getting out of it now, and far worse than his mandatory attendance was the knowledge that his mother had gotten her wishes. He would attend the university in spite of his refusal, and she had won that battle.

Ashley continued his instructions, "You will need to spend one more year at the school you have been attending to make sure you are prepared for the university work, for it will be much more demanding." Ashley inhaled deeply, considering his next words carefully. "I know that you think this girl is worth your time, and she is lovely, however you need to think about your future. Is she really the one for you? Are you compatible? I don't want you to answer these questions now, but I want you to consider a few things. I want you to avoid some mistakes that I have made in my life." He stood and walked to the window, then refilled their glasses before returning to the conversation. "I knew that your Aunt Melly and I would be married when I was very young. It was a prearranged marriage so to speak, and it was perfect because she and I were alike. We understood each other. We loved the same things. I would never speak ill of your mother, but I am relaying facts. Your mother was an exciting woman, and though I would never have dishonored Melanie, I longed for Scarlett, misunderstanding the enchantment that she held over me, not of love, but of something animalistic and socially unacceptable. Needless to say, when Melanie died, I realized too late that it was Melanie who was the one who held me together. She made me a whole person, and to this day, I think of her every moment. Your mother and I have remained good friends, but the desire is gone."

Wade looked at Ashley quizzically. He never knew this about him or his mother, which explained many of the problems she had with Rhett, and it also explained Rhett's disillusion with Scarlett, and his contempt for self-reliant women. "I am not sure I understand what this has to do with me. Emily and I are very much alike. She understands me and loves me, and I love her. I just rode halfway across the country to save her."

Ashley nodded, "You did, and your chivalry and devotion is admirable, but realistically, is she going to wait for you? You will be at the university for quite some time. If you choose to be a lawyer like your father and great uncle, will she be the type of woman that you want on your arm in social functions? To be quite unromantic yet logical, is your union with her going to present you with opportunities that you could have if you married a young girl with higher social status, a recognizable name, and an inheritance? Once again, I do not want you to answer these questions now. Think about them, and do not make any rash decisions like getting married before your graduation."

Wade nodded his consent, for he had not planned to marry before graduation. He had already decided that when he asked for Emily's hand, he wanted to be well established, able to give her the desires of her heart. Now, Ashley had presented questions that he had never considered. Social status held no merit with him, but would she wait for him? And another question returned to plague him again. Could he truly handle her changing personality and her lack of self-confidence? Was he qualified to help her, and was he willing to put forth the effort that it would take to give her the strength and stability she would need? More than anything, he had to consider that there was another man in the world who could be better for her, support her better financially. They were both very young, and though he was convinced that no one in the world could lover her more than he, he was not convinced that she could not love another, nor was he convinced of her complete devotion to him.

Slightly dazed and muddled, Wade stood and shook Ashley's hand before retiring to bed. It had been a long day, and a long day stood before them. Tomorrow, they would take the train to Jonesboro, and then ride home to Tara on Silver. That night, Wade lay in bed, restless, considering his conversation with Uncle Ashley. It was early morning before he finally closed his eyes, and before he had rested, the sun rose, and he and Emily were off to Tara, the last few miles on a seemingly endless journey that had begun over a year ago.

They finally reached Mimosa. It had been a long day on the train to Jonesboro, then on the last few miles home, Emily had ridden Silver as Wade walked along beside them. They had decided to stop in at the Fontaines' plantation first, hoping that Sally would let Emily stay with them for a while. Then, if that did not go well, they would head to Tara, and they relied on that plan because they had no other backup. As they rode up, Sally flew out the front door, and hugged Emily ferociously as she slid off of Silver's back. Sally's child was toddling after her, and she was obviously expecting another child soon.

Emily and Sally walked arm in arm into the house as Sally yelled greetings at Wade, thanking God that her prayers had been answered, and they had both returned safely. They sat around the table drinking coffee, and relating the details of their journey. Sally was exuberant to have Emily back, and she made it known that Emily was welcome to stay for she needed all the help she could get with the new baby coming. Wade and Emily sighed with relief, knowing that they would not be separated, and they would not have to try to talk Suellen into allowing Emily to stay at Tara.

After a cup of coffee and Emily's arrangements settled, Sally suggested that he had better ride on to Tara. Suellen and Will would be ecstatic to see him return, so he hesitantly said goodbye wondering what he would find at Tara. He had not been here for planting, and he sorely feared that the plantation had suffered without an extra hand, and when he turned the bend, he found that his fears had been well-founded. They had not been able to plant nearly as much as the year before, and the house was in severe need of repair. He began making mental lists of the work that needed to be done. He wanted everything to be perfect when he finally arranged for Emily to be brought here as his wife.

The house was uneasily quiet when he entered, but immediately, shouts of excitement could be heard across the country as his sister, cousins, his aunt, and his uncle rushed to meet him. Tears of joy ran slowly down Suellen's face as she hugged him tightly for several minutes. She had prayed unfailingly every night since his departure, and she had watched the door constantly, looking for his return. Will shook his hand mightily and brought him to the table for supper. Wade's family pummeled him with questions about his expedition, and he answered every question, embellishing only when he though necessary. They laughed and ate, and talked until after the sun set.

That evening, he listened intently to Suellen's prayers as she thanked God for his safe return, and he realized how much he missed her voice and the relaxing tone of the evening prayers. He remembered every response as if he had not missed a single prayer over the last year. Will offered him a late nightcap, but he politely refused. Utterly exhausted and unable to hold his eyes open for even another moment, he said goodnight, and pulled himself up the stairs to his room. When he finally sunk into his bed, he placed his hands behind his head, breathing in the aroma of his room, the sounds of Tara, and the feel of his bed, thankful that he had made it home after accomplishing his assignment. His eyes closed, drifting off with the moonlight streaming in on his face, illuminating his smile. Emily was less than a mile away, and finally he was home.

Chapter 14

Wade spent the next few months clearing more land, caring for the emergent cotton, and repairing various fixtures along the landscape. With his newfound interest and knowledge of cattle, he contemplated investing some of the cotton profit in cattle. He prepared the barn and cleared some land for grazing pasture, and consulted Will on the prospects. A few head of cattle would provide necessary beef and milk, and if they were bred well, they could sell for profit. Of course the investment would be large, and although the cotton prices had risen slightly, their harvest would yield less because of Wade's absence, and the lack of seed planted. Regardless, Wade continued to plan, and if it was necessary, he would solicit funds from his mother for his venture.

Within a few months, it was time for harvest. The work was back-breaking, but Wade was excited to be part of the process once again, feeling the cotton against his fingers, the thick dirt run through his hands, and the smell of harvest around him. They fared well that year, yielding a good crop, and selling for a decent price. By the time he had gotten accustomed to the work, and his hands had become calloused, it was over, and autumn was settling over the land, painting the trees and icing the cool breeze. He was glad to be home, surrounded by foliage and beauty, and though he missed the wide open spaces of the plains, he had no desire to return to the desolation which he remembered so well. He loved this country where the trees sang and danced as the wind passed through them, coloring their leaves and laying soft beds around their trunks. He loved the constant chatter of birds and signs of life scattering through the riverbed.

School began immediately after harvest, and Wade was irritated to find he was the oldest boy in the class. The others had dropped out after their legal obligations had been met, for they had no desire to continue their education. Wade wanted to quit too, however he was obliged to Uncle Ashley, and he maintained his character and his word. He had often considered the worth of a man, and in the end, his rationale ended with the desire to guarantee his own strength of character by keeping his word. He decided to abandon the idea of formal education in preference to creating his own curriculum which would prepare him for his studies at the University of Georgia, and he wrote to Ashley for materials he needed to get started. What he received in the mail was astounding. Wade's great uncle Hamilton had been a lawyer in Atlanta for many years, so Ashley boxed up every law textbook and sent it, along with paper and ink, and a dictionary.

Wade began studying straight away. After working in the fields and around the plantation all day, he poured over his books until he had burned the oil from his lamp. Beginning with the book that had been packed on top, he meticulously studied every word, taking notes, writing definitions, and memorizing details until his eyes closed, and Suellen often found him sleeping at his desk in the morning, where he had fallen asleep the night before. The laws were intriguing, easy for him to understand, and he longed to live his life in a formal manner, always knowing what was expected, and immediately knowing the consequences of poor decisions. In his mind, there were no grey areas any longer, for each situation was addressed, and if it was not, it was considered a matter of social legalism, which held no merit in his opinion.

The law addressed basic issues which could easily be upheld, and if each person in society clung to these basic virtues, harmony would reign. He considered every single statute, mentally challenging its validity, and considering alternate solutions. More than anything, he appreciated the straight forward process by which humanity could be expected to live, maintaining freedom and respect for all, and yet, when he considered the injustices surrounding him, he knew there were flaws in the system he had come to respect. These blemishes presented him with an interesting challenge, which he was ready to attack, confident that further investigation and changes within the existing system could reap the results he longed to see.

He looked forward to sharing his ideas with other students interested and well versed in the subject, and as the time approached for him to go to the university, he no longer apprehended the experience but anxiously awaited the opportunity. He was eager to undertake a responsibility of such high priority as the civilization of mankind. For once in his life, he truly believed that his participation was important, and his presence would make an impact on the United States and society in general, for the world depended on the legal system for unity, safety, and civility, and he would not only be part of it, but influence the system, aiding it to become even more effective.

At times, when he and Emily had the opportunity to discuss such issues, he found that her opinion was quite different, if she had an opinion at all. There were so many responsibilities to be maintained during the week, that they often met on Saturday nights on the Fontaine's front porch, where they would sit on the swing and drink tea, talking for hours. It was on these evenings that Wade found that Emily held little interest in social affairs, for she had concentrated her attention on immediate necessities, making issues outside of her scope of immediate contact unimportant to her. She had no concept of justice or fairness for it had never been in her schema of the world around her. She had never experienced fairness, so it held no value to her, and the idea of consequences being within her control was foreign. For years, she had experienced consequences which did not change because of her choices therefore in her understanding there was no relationship between action and consequence.

This lack of common interest bothered Wade, and it seemed as if their conversations had become shallow, inconsequential. He knew that most men would not expect as much from a discussion with a woman, but he longed to delve deeper into other people's ideas of values, and their conversations left him feeling empty, lacking of true thought and valuable debate. He laid these thoughts aside, though, hoping that they would soon find common grounds, worthy of intriguing dialogue, issues that would keep them aligned and passionate long after they were married. He had seen the effects of differing opinions in his mother's marriages, and he feared the long, slow, painful death of a marriage deficient of agreeable conversation.

The Christmas Season was upon them, and Wade had been contemplating his gift to Emily. He still longed to present Emily with beautiful jewels like those he had seen along the Mississippi, and yet he still lacked the funding necessary for such a fine gift. He had one of the pistols that his mother gave him for Christmas, and although Emily had kept the other, he carried his father's pistol, as well. He took the pistol his mother had given to Jonesboro, and then on to Atlanta to sell. Within a day, he had sold the six-shooter, and purchased a stunning ring. Although the jewels were small, the ring held a fine marquis cut sapphire to match the color of Emily's eyes, with three small round diamonds on either side. The ring was neither ostentatious nor was it vulgar, but it was simply lovely, perfect for her delicate fingers, and perfectly representative of his sentiment towards her.

On Christmas morning, after gifts had been exchanged and gifts sent from his mother had been opened, he immediately rode to the Fontaine's. He met Emily at the door and persuaded her to walk with him though the air was chilly and the fire inside was warm. He wanted to be alone with her. They walked towards the road to be alone, and when he had reached a bend where they were surrounded by barren trees with an open sky above them, he fell to one knee and presented her with the small box. She looked at him with surprise, for she had not expected a gift from him, and she had nothing in return, and when she slowly opened the tiny box, glistening tears began to roll down her cheeks. He took the ring from the box, and held it in his fingers, turning it slowly, memorizing every detail of the gold circle.

Raising his eyes to look into hers, he took her hand, and began the speech he had prepared, "I chose this ring especially for you to match your velvety blue eyes which have held me enchanted since the moment I first saw you. You have changed my life, giving me hope for the future, love for the present, and precious memories of the past. I am on bended knee, asking you to be my wife, and I promise that the diamonds on this ring will replace the tears that have fallen from your eyes. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that your heart is never broken, and you have no fear or worries for the rest of your life."

Emily fell to her knees beside him, wrapping her arms around him. He could feel her tears against his cheeks, and he tenderly kissed them away, and then slid the ring on her slender finger as she smiled warmly. "Of course I will be your wife. You may not have known, but I loved you the moment I saw you watching me wade through the water under the trees by the creek, and I have longed to hear you say those words to me." She kissed him again, long and slow, touching his face with her fingertips and running her hands through his hair. She stared at him for a long time, searching for signs of regret, but the only feeling she saw was relief that she had accepted and a deep love in his brown eyes.

A chill began to run through them as they realized that they were still outside kneeling on the ground in December, and they quickly rose, dusting their knees and rubbing their arms to warm themselves. Emily took his hand as they walked back to the house, "My pa is not here, and Mr. Fontaine is the man of the house, so I guess you will have to ask him for my hand." A slight look of worry crossed her face, but Wade smiled reassuringly. He had already considered that aspect of the plan, and had memorized his speech to him, as well.

When they returned, Wade found Mr. Fontaine, and asked to speak with him in private, so they retired to the library, and Mr. Fontaine poured them each a celebratory seasonal sherry. Wade refused the invitation to sit for he was too nervous, and he knew his knees would visibly shake if he were seated. After a few moments, Wade began to speak, slowly at first, then gaining speed as if he was trying to rush his words before they were forgotten or before he lost his courage to speak.

"Mr. Fontaine, I have come to ask for Emily's hand. It may not seem like I have much to offer, but Tara will someday be mine, and I will have an education as soon as I have graduated from the University. I will make sure that she is always happy, safe, and loved, and I hope someday to give her everything her heart desires." Wade spoke strongly, convincingly, and though he was trembling, he maintained control of his voice, and he was sure that Mr. Fontaine had no idea that he was nervous.

Mr. Fontaine turned from Wade to face the fireplace, considering Wade's words. He had been anticipating this moment for quite some time, but he had not formulated the words he knew were necessary. He knew Scarlett very well, and he knew that she would never approve of such a match, and Emily would pay the price. Emily had become like a daughter to him, for she had been around the plantation for years, and she had been such a help with his children and Sally that he couldn't bear for her to be so brutalized by Scarlett. Wade's mother would make sure that Emily never felt comfortable or accepted, and the great ravine between social classes would forever be a painful experience for her. He had been searching the county for other young beaux that would be a better match for Emily, and once Wade left, it would be quite easy to find a suitable husband for her.

Mr. Fontaine turned to face Wade with all seriousness causing lines around his tightlipped expression. "Wade, I think it would be better if you waited until after you have graduated from the University. If your feelings and hers remain intact, I will give you my blessing."

Wade turned pale, not expecting such a reply, and he could not find the words to protest, for he never thought to plan for Mr. Fontaine's refusal of his request. He fumbled for a few moments then replied, "I did not want to wait that long, sir. I am sure I can find appropriate accommodations in Athens. I could not bear to be parted from her for long."

Mr. Fontaine sympathized with Wade's plight, for he could not bear to be parted from Sally, but the fact remained that the match was unsuitable, and until they had gone through a separation period, he was not sure that they could survive the obstacles that Scarlett would present. If they remained faithful during Wade's absence, he would have to reconsider his opinion, but he could not relent. "I understand your ardent fervor, but I must remain firm. There is no need to rush such a permanent decision." Wade studied his face and knew there would be no persuasion strong enough. He quietly shook Mr. Fontaine's hand and retired to find Emily.

Thoughts of elopement, anger, and defiance ran through his mind as he dreaded facing Emily with such news. Although his mother's name had not been mentioned, he knew that somehow she had something to do with this decision. How did she know about Emily? He had kept his intentions secret so that not even Will or Suellen had known about his proposal. No matter, he would have to abide by Mr. Fontaine's wishes. He had seen the repercussions of an unblessed wedding, and he did not want Emily to feel the stress of being penniless or outcast from society. Once again, he considered the straightforward limits of the law, and because his current predicament held no legal implications, he was forced to abide by social guidelines, which seemed like shifting lines drawn in the sand, unjust, yet just as binding as a legal agreement.

When he confronted Emily with Mr. Fontaine's request, her heart was broken, and impatience plagued her thoughts. How could she possibly wait, knowing that there would be no other, and the end of such a long hard road would yield the same results? She wanted to be married immediately, never to be separated, but Wade insisted that they follow the guidance of their elders, and because she must respect the leading of her future husband, she hesitantly obliged. However, they both knew that they could face the hardest difficulties with diligent obstinence, for they had overcome obstacles before; so Emily kept the ring on her finger, never removing it, keeping it close to her heart as a symbol of her devotion and loyalty. She had promised to marry Wade, and she was determined that no one could stand in the way of their union.

With spring came new life bursting forth, blooming magnolias, and soft, sweet rain, love songs whistled in the trees, and green leaves returning. Wade and Will had decided to wait until spring to invest in cattle for the first of breeding season, in order to save on feed. Will saved some of the profit from the cotton, and Wade had been able to salvage some of the money his mother sent monthly to buy a bull and four heifers. Wade had repaired the barn and cleared pasture for the cattle to graze, and he hoped Will could handle the added responsibilities while he was away at school.

Wade wanted to be sure that everything was manageable by the time he left in the fall for the university, so he worked all day every day completing a long list of chores. He repaired items and fixtures in the house, worked the fence to make sure the livestock would not roam beyond their borders, and helped plant as many acres of cotton as he thought Will and Big Sam could manage to harvest. Even as the days grew hotter, Wade continued. Emily began to worry for she was seeing him less and less, and when she did see him, he was strong, muscular, tan and his hair was bleaching again, giving his brown locks light highlights that curled around his face handsomely. However, he had been studying late every night and dark circles were forming under his eyes. He was exhausted with all of his work, and she worried that he would overwork himself, but he continued on. He would have to leave before harvest, and he wanted to make sure that everything was in order.

When it was finally time to leave, his mind raced wildly over lists and plans, and though he had accomplished the work of three men, he still agonized over his lack of completion, certain that he should delay his departure for another year. Will convinced Wade that he had control of the situation, and he and Big Sam could finish the few tasks that needed to be completed. Finally, Wade consented uneasily, and he began packing. He said long, agonizing good byes to Emily, wiping away tears that ran down her face like rivers, compelling her to be patient, for the year would pass quickly, and soon they would be together again. He promised that he would remain faithful to her and would write to her as often as he could. Then he hugged each member of his family before reluctantly heading to Atlanta to meet Uncle Ashley, who would take him on to Athens to begin his study at the University of Georgia.

Upon their arrival at the university, Wade and Ashley began enrollment in the college of law, but they were immediately taken straight to the dean. He introduced himself as Mr. Wright and shook both of their hands before taking his seat behind his large oak desk. He looked over Wade's enrollment papers, laid them on his desk, took off his glasses, and walked around to face them then sat on the corner of his desk with his hands crossed on his knees. He took a long, deep breath as if trying to decide how to best approach the subject, but finally he began, "Wade, it looks to me as if you are not quite ready to begin university life. You are rather young, and your schooling so far has lacked, shall we say... quality."

Wade looked at him, slightly stunned by his comments, but belligerent just the same. "I believe I am fully prepared, sir. I have been studying independently for the past year, and I am quite familiar with legal concepts and theories, as well as important cases."

Mr. Wright stood and walked to the window then turned suddenly, as though he felt compelled to make a decision concerning his admittance but was forced to go against his better judgment. "Your mother has made a rather large contribution to the university, and she has taken care of your tuition and living expenses." He sighed then continued, "I must admit you, however, you must understand that your admittance is conditional." He walked behind his desk and picked up a pen, ready to sign the documents upon Wade's approval of the conditions. "You must maintain an appropriate grade point average. You may not fall behind on your studies, and you must make adequate progress while you are here. If at any time you fall behind, I will personally make sure that you are dismissed. Is that clear?"

Wade nodded his head in agreement, becoming angrier by the moment. He was once again being positioned in a situation that he felt he had no control. He did not want to be here in the first place and yet because of a promise to his uncle, and the manipulation of his mother, he was forced to bow to subjective regulations and whimsical assessments. Scarlett had exploited the system so that he did not have to receive entrance on his own merit, but he would have to prove himself worthy of an honor he did not want. As he had studied law on his own, he had loved the subject and longed to learn more, but he would have to pay the price by becoming a puppet. If only he had not committed to this frustrating experience, he would promptly return to Tara, where he would be with Emily, working toward harvest.

They left the office, finished their tour of the facilities, and Ashley made sure he was settled in his accommodations without speaking. Ashley understood Wade's indignance for he had often felt it himself when he had been the object of Scarlett's manipulation, but he hoped that the experience would benefit Wade in spite of his mother's influence. Ashley made sure that Wade understood all of the procedures and was comfortable before leaving. Scarlett had made sure that Wade would have everything he needed including a clothing allowance and accounts at every store in Athens so he could make purchases as he saw fit. In his resentment Wade made sure that Ashley understood that he would rather starve than take any further help from his mother, and he began to immediately make plans to find work. Wade would certainly not allow his mother the opportunity to hold indebtedness over his head.

Before leaving Athens, Ashley spoke with his fellow graduates from years ago, and unbeknownst to Wade, had found him a job working in a bank, so that when Wade began hunting for a job, he had found one within a day, and he thought himself quite lucky and self-sufficient.

Classes began the very next week. Wade worked banker's hours during the day and attended classes at night, studying until dawn, and he had to admit that very quickly, he learned to love school. He could smell the binding of a brand new book as it crackled when he opened it for the first time. He was entranced by the sheets of blank paper, unblemished by ink, and on them he meticulously copied his notes from class. He felt intrigued and challenged as he discussed important issues with his classmates that he had yearned to discuss with Emily and yet never had the chance. Now he was surrounded by like minds, willing and anticipating open discussions of disagreeable topics, debated until every detail had been discussed and either agreed upon or tabled for further discussion.

He enjoyed working at the bank, the atmosphere of serious business, and being surrounded by well-dressed men, discussing matters of importance. He worked well with numbers, and appreciated the predictable answer at the end of a long ledger, unlike farming where stable inputs could produce variable results. After class in the evening, he would sit in his small room at his desk, reading his textbooks until his eyes felt heavy, and his head began to droop. It was a dreary room with a small bed and dark curtains. There were no pictures or decorative pieces, just a small oak desk with an oil lamp and a large oak armoire. He could not stand to remain in the room unless he was working with the oil lamp throwing strange shadows in the corners, and so he visited only long enough to study and rest before resuming his daily routine.

Days, weeks, and months passed quickly as he rose to the top of his class earning the highest marks on written tasks and tests. For the first few weeks, Mr. Wright checked on Wade frequently, hoping to find him slacking, but surprisingly, Wade was quite knowledgeable about the legal system and the basic principles of law. Wade participated in discussions often, and he presented solid, logical arguments, making him the most sought after raconteur in the college. He proved himself to be intelligent, hard working, and dependable, and soon Mr. Wright found that he hardly checked on him at all. Wade was successful in every aspect of his life, aptly able to accomplish each task. He worked well at the bank and was recommended for promotion within the year, and began to work his way through the social ladder, attending functions, socials, and frequent invitations for dinner. He made friends quickly with the most respectable people in Athens, and unknowingly was considered an eligible bachelor to be sought by mothers looking for proper suitors for their daughters.

As much as Wade loved school and his life in Athens, he wanted more than anything to complete his education quickly, for he wanted to return to Tara and to Emily. He had never considered staying in a large city to practice law, for he loved farming, he loved Tara, and he wanted to make his life in the country. He longed for solitude and the peaceful life of Clayton County, and although he seemed to meet a large number of young ladies at each of the functions he attended, not one held a candle to Emily, and he missed her immensely.

He only visited Emily during the long Christmas holiday because the other breaks were spent studying or working, but when he called on Emily during Christmas, he realized he had missed her much more than he had realized, and it was almost impossible to tear himself away to return in January. He missed the touch of her hand, and he couldn't bear to see her tears as they said goodbye. As soon as he returned, he doubled his class load and even took classes during the summer in order to finish more quickly. He had to complete his studies as he had promised Ashley, but each day he longed for the day he would return to the green fields of Tara and the open arms and big blue eyes of his darling Emily.

Chapter 15

The summer session of 1879 ended in July and was followed by a one month break before the resumption of class in the fall. He decided to return to Tara for the month and requested a vacation from the bank then he happily packed his things. He was looking forward to seeing the changes that had taken place at Tara, the cotton growing in the hot July sun, and his family. Most of all, he ached to see Emily. It had been more than six months since he had seen her last, and though they wrote to each other often, he longed to feel her in his arms, holding her tightly and whispering endearments. He had not planned on the visit, so she would definitely be surprised to see him, and he couldn't wait to see the look on her face when he walked in the door and held out his arms to her. On the long train ride home, he imagined her reaction, knowing she would be excited, and he planned the time they would spend together. He raced home only stopping long enough to send a telegram to Will to come pick him up at the train station.

It seemed as if the journey would last forever, but finally he reached the station in Jonesboro and waited only a few minutes before seeing Will arrive with his wagon full of supplies he had picked up from the general store. Wade leapt up, ready to greet Will, readily shaking his hand and pummeling him with questions about Tara and the girls. Will laughed deeply, just as happy to see Wade, and trying to hide his own misgivings about this trip for as long as possible. They had several miles on the way home to talk, and he hoped to delay Wade's excitement for as long as possible. Wade was so eager to be home that he did not notice Will's change as they traveled the distance to Tara.

Wade continued to ask questions then rambled endlessly about everything that had happened over the last six months while he was away. As they neared the road to Tara, Will stopped the wagon slowly then turned to Wade demanding his attention. He did not want to hamper Wade's spirit of enthusiasm, but he needed to be warned of the situation and the surprises he would face in a few moments. "Wade, you are going to be quite surprised when you get home."

Wade ceased his conversation immediately, waiting for Will to continue, but he remained silent for a few minutes. When he could not stand the suspense for a moment longer, her asked, "What are you talking about? Has something happened?"

Gathering his courage, Will continued, "Your mother is at Tara."

Wade dropped his head, considering the affects this news would have on visit. He would not have as much time to spend with Emily, and he would have to face his mother again. Although he had been able to prove himself in Athens, he had not been able to forget his mother's actions. In fact, he had become increasingly bitter in his quiet times thinking about his current predicament and how she had maneuvered the situation in her favor. Anger welled in his heart as he thought about how she would negatively affect his vacation, for she still could not find out about Emily.

"How long does she plan to stay," Wade asked quietly, trying desperately to maintain calmness.

"I honestly don't know, but that is not the only thing. Rhett is here with her. They have reconciled."

"Oh, good, then it will not be so bad. She will be happy again, and Rhett will take up most of her time. She will not have time to delve into my life, and I will be able to escape." Suddenly Wade's eyes darted to Will's face, "Nobody has mentioned Emily to her have they?"

Will shook his head, "No, they have not, but I am afraid you cannot hide her for long. You will eventually have to present her to your mother, and make known your intentions unabashedly and sternly. The ramifications of keeping your secret would be far worse than getting it out in the open." Will stuttered, "That is not all, I am not sure that I should be the one to tell you this, and I may be making a mistake, but you have another little sister. She is beautiful, and you mother dotes on her."

Wade was not sure how to react to this last bit of information. His heart had broken when they lost Bonnie, and he knew how it had affected his mother and Rhett. He was happy for them, and still it seemed as if things were not quite right. He knew that another child would not change the way his mother felt about him or Ella because she had never really liked either one of them, and he had long ago let go of that resentment, but the old wounds were suddenly being opened again, subconsciously. His heart began to ache although he had no idea why, and once again his anger raged deep inside. No one had let him know that they had returned or any of these changes had taken place, and the realization that he had been kept in the dark and disregarded once again was utterly painful.

He knew they could not postpone the inevitable for much longer. He steadied himself, took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders then spoke strongly. "Let's head on, Will." He looked forward to the house, poising himself for battle.

As soon as the family heard the dogs barking wildly at the wagon and the wheels on the driveway, everyone gathered on the porch, happy to see Wade return, each waiting their turn to rush to him with hugs. He greeted Aunt Suellen first. It amazed him each time he returned to see how much she had aged. He face showed lines of worry and laughter, and in her hair, thin streaks of grey had begun to show. She smiled at him warmly as she held out her arms to him, and he hugged her tightly, realizing how he missed her lovely voice and soothing embrace. She had replaced his mother at an early age, and he would always regard her with deep love and respect, as she had loved him like no other mother could.

He went next to his sister, who had outgrown her gangly features, and had grown to be a beautiful young woman, tall and graceful. He held her back to look at her more closely, then pulled her in again. Although they had not been very close as children, he longed to know her better, for they had shared the same heartache. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly, and he could feel her let go of some of her frustration and the stress she had obviously felt over the past few days in the presence of her mother. They could not speak now, but he would manage to make ample time with her before he left. He felt a deep sense of responsibility for this young girl, and he felt the need to protect her from further distress that his mother would assuredly cause.

He quickly hugged his three younger cousins, astonished at how they had grown as well. They had each become pretty young ladies, and their mother had obviously taught to behave as such, for they were well-mannered and soft-spoken. They were surrounded with an air of gentility, and though they had learned the hard work necessary on a large plantation, they assumed the air of southern belles, learning to run a plantation as a lady of the house and a southern gentleman's wife.

He shook hands with Rhett who maintained the same charming manner Wade had always envied. He looked as though he had not a care in the world, a look of amusement, and he wondered what he had found amusing about this event. A look of contentment rested in his black eyes, yet creases at the corners gave Wade the feeling that Rhett knew something, and he waited patiently to discuss it in private. They exchanged momentary pleasantries about the weather and Rhett disclosed that he had taken Silver on a few outings just to keep him in shape, and Wade responded with smiles, handshakes, and gentlemanly echoes.

Finally, Scarlett slipped from behind Rhett, catching Wade's eyes, and standing solemnly quiet until she had gathered a response from Wade, gauging her reaction to his. Wade went to her directly, and hugged her stiffly. She looked as though she had aged, as well, but she was still magnificently beautiful. She looked happy and relaxed, and Wade could tell that she had finally rested from her long hours of worry and work, exchanging them for rest and peace. She was dressed comfortably and appropriately, without the normal flair that she had so often chosen to flaunt. He looked at her for a long time, trying to recognize the look that she held in her eyes, yet he had never seen her perfectly happy, and so it was foreign to him, and he spied her with distrust, wondering what scheme she was planning. Hopping beside her and holding her hand was a small child with cunningly green eyes, waiting impatiently to be addressed.

"And who is this charming young lady? Have you come to steal my heart forever?" Wade knelt on one knee, addressing his youngest sister affectionately.

"My name is Cat, and I know you are Wade. We have never met." She held out her hand politely, not a hint of shyness could be found, and when Wade took her hand to kiss it, she raced to him and wrapped her arms around his neck as she had seen every other member of the family greet him. Though he did not want to love her, she immediately enchanted him. She looked so much like her mother, and her personality was just as passionate so that you could never predict her actions, and he pictured Scarlett like this at her age, and wondered if things might have been different, if his mother could have loved him as well. He only hoped that Scarlett would not spoil this child, encouraging her to become selfish and overbearing, hateful and apathetic. "I have had a sister for several days, now and we have done girl things," Cat chattered happily. "Now that I have a brother, we have to do boy things. Will you take me for a ride on Silver, please?" She smiled at him, and his heart immediately melted, and he promptly promised to take her with him the next time he went for a ride, which pleased her immensely.

"Girls, go finish your chores while I prepare supper," Suellen directed, pushing the girls inside the door. Everyone else followed them inside. Scarlett and Suellen went to the kitchen to finish cooking while the men retired to the library for brandy.

Will sat quietly, whittling while Rhett and Wade discussed school. Wade relayed the details of his academic progress and his banking ventures as well as his social affairs while Rhett listened intently, asking questions and congratulating him on his success. Wade stopped every once in a while to listen for bickering from the kitchen, but he heard none. It was interesting to find that Scarlett and Suellen were not squabbling fiercely as they had in the past, but Wade expected that it would start anytime, and so he continued conversing with Rhett until they were called for supper.

The entire family sat around the table with pleasant conversation, constant chattering from Cat and the girls, and delicious food. Wade found that he was truly enjoying himself, and had almost forgotten the rift between them. Scarlett had become rather tranquil, and Wade marveled at her new found freedom. She no longer worried and fretted, and her words were no longer sharp and bitter, but rather calm. She ate slowly, enjoying each bite, watching Cat intently with a warm smile on her face. Every so often, she would reach over and pat Rhett's hand lovingly then would begin a conversation with Wade without stinging ridicule or biting intuition. She no longer looked on him with antagonism, and her clear green eyes showed pride, and Wade wondered how he had managed to finally win her approval.

"We will be visiting the Fontaine's tomorrow, Wade. They found out that you were coming home, and they planned a barbeque for the county in your honor. Isn't that lovely?"

Wade's heart stopped beating momentarily, and he looked at his mother, searching for signs of deception, but he saw none. "That sounds nice, mother." He raised the corners of his mouth, slightly, hiding his misgivings about the event.

Apparently, she noticed nothing, and she continued chattering happily, "There won't be many people in attendance, and barbeques never will be the same as before the war." Her eyes floated downward for a moment as she remembered the old days, "Suellen, do you remember the last barbeque at Twelve Oaks? Everyone was dressed so beautifully. That was before we lost most of our young men, but do you remember how lovely Twelve Oaks was, Rhett? That was the day we first met." She looked at Rhett lovingly, then she blushed slightly, "I still think you were a fox, scaring me like that and then insulting me," she smiled and giggled like a young girl, then she moved closer to him and whispered something in his ear which made him roar with laughter which exploded throughout the rest of the table, though nobody else knew what they were laughing about. The bliss was contagious and everyone basked in Scarlett's happiness.

Wade watched her flirting with Rhett, yet in this scene, her ardor was sincere. She laughed genuinely, asked questions as though she wanted to know the answers, and earnestly listened to everyone at the table. She paid close attention to Cat, making sure she had everything she needed, cutting her food, answering her questions, and encouraging her to speak. Scarlett tried to start many conversations with Ella, but she was unsuccessful. Wade watched Ella closely, noticing that she was the only person at the table who was not laughing or conversing. She sat there quietly, intently chewing her food with her back straight and her delicate hands placed gently in her lap. Scarlett watched her as well, hoping that she would respond, and understanding that the wounds that cut the child were far too deep. In her heart, she wept bitterly for the mistakes she had made with her middle child, and she feared that they could never repair the damage that had been done so long ago.

That night after a long evening of talking and reminiscing, Wade retired to his room, for it had been a long day, and he needed time to consider the events of the day and plan for tomorrow. It had been easy to forget the pain of the past with Scarlett's charming smile and pleasant voice, but he remained suspicious. This could possibly be another scheme, but there was no telling what she wanted. How could he be sure of her intentions or her current conspiracy? So many times, he wanted to trust her and let her be his mother, but too much time had passed, and it was if he regarded her as just another female acquaintance. He enumerated her past sins in order to maintain his anger and protect himself from any trap she might be weaving, and within just a few minutes, he was fuming again.

They woke early the next morning to ready themselves for the barbeque at Mimosa. They would have to head over there early to help cook. Many things had changed since the days of old where ladies were waited on and cavaliers rode swiftly over the fields to be handed food prepared by slaves. Now, the ladies rose early to prepare the much less elegant menu, debating the expense, yet with the same grace as if they were preparing food for kings. Conversations had shifted from war to planting and harvest and the devastated economy. Even in their finest attire, their dresses were delicately patched and the men's suits showed signs of wear, but their spirits were high. The children played freely in the open lawn, and laughter could be heard from every corner of the house. This was a time of celebration, daily work could be delayed for a day, and families had gathered for a time of rest.

Wade found Emily quickly and led her to a secluded corner. He held her closely, as she wrapped her arms around him, and they embraced each other as if they were holding on to their lives. He kissed her tenderly, and held her hand, turning the ring she wore on her finger. Remembering the situation at hand, he whispered, "My mother is her."

Emily dropped her head, unwilling to look at Wade's face, fearful of the influence that Scarlett could have on him. "I know," she replied.

Wade lifted her face to his, "Have you spoken with her at all? Does she know?" He feared her answer, yet it was imperative to his plan that he know all of the details. He searched her face for a sign. He saw her eyes divert from his, and his throat tightened.

Small lines of tears traveled to the corner of her eyes as she answered, "I have not spoken to her at all, and I have listened to their conversations, but nothing has been said. I am just so afraid. Sally has described her to me, and I am sure that she will forbid you to marry me."

Wade lifted his hand to wipe the tears from her face and held her even closer, whispering, "Nothing will change, my darling. You are mine, and I have promised you my life. There is no person in the world that can take you from me. I will not allow it." He held her back so that he could meet her eyes, showing his sincerity. Slowly, she nodded then wrapped her arms around him again, unable to believe that he was actually here. She never wanted to let him go again, and planned to beg him to stay rather than return to Athens. She could not stand the separation any longer, and she only hoped that she could convince him to stay.

He breathed in the fragrance of her hair, nestling in the curve of her neck, then raising her lips to his, meeting them slowly, running his fingers along her back, and then tightening his hold on her waist with her head lying in his other arm, he began kissing her passionately, pressing her to him. His kisses traveled down, laying his head on her bosom, he breathed deeply, pulling himself away before he lost control. He watched her closely as she opened her eyes slowly, dizzied by his fervor, desiring him to continue, knowing they could be found at any moment.

He regained his composure and continued, "I am going to make an announcement this afternoon, my love. My mother would never make a scene in public, and I cannot wait to tell the world that you are mine."

Still flustered, she nodded, "I trust your judgment." She touched his face once more then slid from his grasp, "We must get out of here. We cannot be found here." She reached up to kiss him quickly then ran quickly from the room, leaving Wade to recuperate and finalize his plans. He would have to memorize his words perfectly, and consider reactions from the present guests. He would have to rely on the element of surprise and social grace to protect Emily from scorn, and if there were repercussions in dealing with his mother, he would face them at home, without Emily's presence.

Throughout the day, Wade spent time with the other men, discussing their crops and the price of cotton, but his eyes often remained on Emily as she helped prepare food and serve the guests. Most of the families present were new to Clayton County, and he was surrounded by unfamiliar faces. However, several gentlemen seemed to be quite familiar with Emily. One such young man, who was obviously single, returned to Emily's side several times, lingering a little too long, edging a little too close to her side, and managing to touch her hand a few too many times. Wade watched this gentleman closely then asked Will who he was.

"Oh, you have not met him. He is new to the county, coming from up north, from Virginia I think. He got some land real cheap, and is planning a large plantation with plenty of houses. I believe he is a lien holder and has renters already in place. Mr. Hayes, I believe is his name."

"Is he married?" Wade tried to ask calmly, though his hands trembled with ravenous jealousy.

Will sensed Wade's anger. He replied sternly, "No, he is not, and it would seem that he has eyes for Emily, but I wouldn't worry. Every other girl in the county has her eyes on him."

"Hmm," was Wade's only reply. He could not help but notice Emily's reaction to Mr. Hayes, and he burned with anger. He could feel every muscle in his body trembling as he thanked Will and tromped to Emily's side. "Have fun?" Wade glared at her.

She looked at him and smiled, blushingly. She could only think of their earlier meeting, and hoped desperately that they could steal away again. "I have to admit that I would much rather be spending time with you, darling, but Sally asked me to help her serve."

Wade suddenly felt guilty, for he had no reason to distrust Emily, and it was silly to even think that she might be unfaithful, but he would definitely keep an eye on Mr. Hayes. Besides, everything would be settled in a few minutes when he announced their engagement. He quickly kissed her hand then strode off to find Mr. Fontaine. He found him speaking among a group of gentlemen, and Wade asked him to give him a moment in private. When they had reached the library, Wade asked him to beckon everyone's attention so that they could announce his engagement to Emily.

Mr. Fontaine considered the request. He had been rather frustrated over the past year, for he had brought every suitable gentleman in the county to meet Emily, and though the men were immediately entranced by her beauty and charm, she showed no signs of interest. It was apparent that she had devoted her life to Wade and his meddling would not change her mind. He had also spent time with Scarlett over the past few days and had noticed the change in her, noting that possibly she would not fight Wade's marriage prospects. At any rate, the public announcement would certainly refute any further gentleman callers.

He turned to Wade to ask, "Have you discussed this with your mother, and do you have her approval?"

Wade swallowed, knowing he would have to lie in order to convince Mr. Fontaine to honor his request, "Yes, sir." He immediately felt humiliated to be the bearer of untruth when he had never told a lie, but under the current circumstances, he had no other choice.

"Fine, then gather Emily and meet me on the terrace." Mr. Fontaine went directly to gather the crowd of families under the terrace, and Wade held Emily closely with his hand around her waist as the crowd gathered around them. Wade searched for his mother and Rhett and found them right in the front with Cat holding Scarlett's skirts, tugging them gently, begging to know what would be said. Mr. Fontaine handed Wade and Emily each a glass then raised his own, "Let's raise our glasses in a toast to Wade and Emily. Wade has asked for Emily's hand in marriage. The wedding will transpire as soon as he has finished his degree at the University of Georgia. May they live long, enjoying each moment they have together, prospering, loving, and holding on to the important aspects of life."

Wade kept his eyes on his mother throughout the announcement as the color drained from her face. Then as the onlookers began to applaud, she applauded with them, looking slightly bewildered. Wade held his arm around the small of Emily's back as they made their way through the multitude of guests on the way to his mother, shaking hands and accepting congratulations on every side. When they finally faced his mother, she shook Emily's hand gracefully, congratulating them through tight lips trying to smile. She looked at Wade slyly with green slits flaring with anger then turned her back to him, refusing to further the conversation. As Wade had predicted, she did not make a scene in public, but she was obviously angry, and Wade was grateful that he had protected Emily from her wrath. His only objective now was to make sure that he did not abandon Emily to be alone with his mother, ever. Hopefully, by the time they were married, the three of them would have spent enough time together that she would come to love Emily just as he did. Until that time, she would remain under his watchful eye.

No words were spoken that evening on the ride home to Tara or even the next morning during breakfast. Scarlett hardly spoke at all other than to pass the gravy, and Wade began to feel injured by her silence, far worse than if she had obliterated him with her spiteful tongue. He knew that she had not truly changed, and the facade that she had played two nights ago was a theatrical show. Her true demeanor was shining now, as she quietly ignored Wade, scheming her vengeful plot to tear Wade and Emily apart.

Wade left the breakfast table and headed toward the barn to saddle Silver for an early morning ride. He wanted to ride through the fields, checking the crops and the pasture, hoping to find cattle that had successfully mated and would be calving during the spring. When he reached the barn he found Rhett already there saddling his own horse, and they decided to ride together to oversee the land. They rode for a few yards in silence, but Wade knew Rhett had something to say and being impatient, he called him out.

Rhett continued riding, detecting ire in Wade's tone of voice, and decided to approach the subject delicately. "Your mother is quite unhappy with you."

"How is that any different from any other moment in my life?" Wade cocked his head, rather furious with Rhett for taking her side although he knew the torture she had put him through since the day he was conceived.

"I cannot speak for that, but I can say that in this instance, she has the right to be upset. Now, Wade, don't ruffle your feathers until I have finished." Rhett shook his head, and laughed roughly, "That was quite a production yesterday. I might say that I am disappointed that you lied to Mr. Fontaine. Don't worry, he doesn't know, your mother covered for you quite easily, but I thought more highly of you."

Wade felt even more shame now that Rhett knew about his lie, and he could hardly face him. "Is that why Mother is angry?"

"Well, actually, I think she is kind of proud that you went to so much trouble to mastermind a plan that she would obviously dislike, and you were able to orchestrate that plan without a hitch, disregarding your scruples to accomplish the task. However, it was mighty cruel to disarm her in public, so that she was unaware of the situation."

"Kind of like I was unaware for several years that I had a new little sister and the two of you had reconciled? Like discovering that my father had died of pneumonia before he had ever reached the battlefield from a complete stranger? Or is it more like the knowledge that I had been abandoned by her for years while she chased after you?" Wade was raging now, and he hated to speak to Rhett like this for he had never shown anything but kindness, and had protected him from his mother's wrath for many years. However, just like Scarlett, Rhett had abandoned him just when he was most vulnerable, and his subconscious resentment towards both of them had reached a boiling point. "Can you honestly say that I have done her any injustice? Do you think that I would purposely antagonize her so that she could torment Emily the way she has tormented me for years? That show was nothing more than protection for Emily. I certainly would never have released that information in the privacy of our home so that Mother could abuse her with cutting words and sarcastic diplomacy."

Rhett raised his eyebrows, questioning, "Why would she do that?"

"Because Emily has no family name to speak of, she has no money or inheritance. Her father has left and her mother is dead, and quite frankly, I don't believe that Mother would approve of any girl that she had not chosen for me."

"I see," Rhett replied.

"Whether here or not, that woman has manipulated every event in my life, and I will not be part of her performance any longer. No matter what she has to say, I will marry Emily, and if Mother intends to stay at Tara, Emily and I will make our home elsewhere." Wade continued to ride, wishing to end the conversation.

"Just out of curiosity, Wade, I have to ask if you are marrying Emily just to spite your mother." Rhett held his tongue firmly against his cheek, for although he knew Wade would never admit this bit of information, he knew he had to plant the seed, urging Wade to examine his motives.

"I most assuredly am not," Wade flared with anger once again that Rhett could even suggest such an improper deed, then he remembered Alice and her plan to return to Georgia, and his face reddened with indignation. He was not like Alice. His motives were pure. "I will return later." Wade stated flatly then rode away.

He raced through the pasture, leapt over the fence then trotted slowly toward the Fontaine plantation. He was not quite sure what to say, for the only thing he wanted to do was flee, but he knew that he would be leaving Emily to the enemy. He was sure that the moment he left would be the moment that Scarlett lit on Emily like a vulture ready to prey, and he was unwilling to desert her to defend herself. He turned back and rode slowly towards Jonesboro, willing himself to leave, wishing he could forsake all of these strenuous relations behind, forgetting everyone, yet unwilling to hand over the love of his life.

As he rode through the county, the details of his life started flashing through his mind, and he remembered every time he saw Emily and every conversation and every kiss. He remembered the few times he had seen his mother and the influence she had on his life. Was he really willing to allow that woman to exile him from this land that he loved? Although the heat of the day was beginning to set in, he rested under a large magnolia tree, breathing in the aroma of the honeysuckle growing wildly along the road, and he looked across the open fields, green with growing cotton roots running deeply into the deep, rich soil, and he knew where he was rooted also.

He stood and mounted Silver, spurring him gently to prod him into motion as he leapt across fields and streams then down the road to Tara. He raced up the front steps and into the house. Scarlett looked up from her sewing, stunned at Wade's frightfully loud entrance, but as soon as she recognized him, she returned to her sewing without speaking a word, refusing to acknowledge his presence.

"I must have a word with you, Mother," Wade waltzed into the sitting room and stood in front of her, demanding her attention. She still refused to address him, so he strengthened his voice until it was booming through the house. "You cannot continue to ignore me."

Scarlett did not look up from her sewing, but calmly replied, "When you decide to take a seat and use an acceptable tone of voice with me, I will address you."

Wade sat down across from her, lowering his voice, yet still trembling with anger. "Let us discuss this matter, for your silence is far worse than your words, so let me hear what you have to say, Mother."

Scarlett set her sewing on the table beside her and politely folded her hands in her lap then looked at him with spitting anger flaring in her eyes. "You should have warned me before making that announcement at the barbeque. I have never even met this girl you plan to marry, and although she may seem very nice, she is not an appropriate match for you."

"You cannot make such a judgment. As you have already pointed out, you do not know her. Quite frankly, I believe that the moment you dropped me on this doorstep, you gave up any right you had in choosing my wife." Wade's eyes flashed, hoping to bait her into the change of subject.

Scarlett ignored his last comment and continued speaking calmly, "You need a nice girl from Savannah with a good name and an inheritance. I can tell you from experience that once you have married into the wrong family and ruined your reputation, it is very hard to regain."

Wade smiled, slyly believing he had the upper hand. "Technically, she is a nice girl from Savannah. Her mother was Miss Kellecee from Savannah before she was married."

Scarlett squinted her eyes, trying to remember the name then widened quickly as she recognized the name from scandalous talk. "Her mother may have been socially acceptable at one time until she married that outcast who eventually killed her. Now in order for Emily to regain her social favor, it would take more work than either one of you are willing to do."

"I have won Emily's favor, and that's all I need. I have courted her since the first time you left us here. I liberated her from her abusive father and have given her my heart. You did not know that I followed her to Texas and rescued her from her uncle's ranch did you?"

Scarlett's face immediately twisted in horror, "Oh no, Wade Hampton, you didn't. Please tell me that it was not you!"

Wade glanced at her, worriedly, "I don't know what you are speaking of."

"Oh Wade, please tell me you did not go to the Kellecee ranch, Wade please! Aunt Eulalie said it was you, but I could not believe you would do such a thing." Scarlett began to ring her hands, worried that Wade had already ruined his reputation by committing the most horrendous social faux pas.

"Tell me what you are talking about, Mother. I have done nothing wrong," he stared at her, waiting impatiently for her to catch her breath.

"Aunt Eulalie is very good friends with the widow sisters whose maiden name is Kellecee. They recently received a letter asking them to take in their niece, Alice, the daughter of Mr. Kellecee in Texas. Apparently, Alice had a beau in Texas, a nice young man from Georgia, named after his father's commander in the Civil War, who compromised her. He asked for her hand in marriage then supposedly went on the cattle drive but never returned. Now, unless she finds the man who left her, she is ruined, and will never be married." Scarlett turned her head to close her eyes, silently pleading with him, "Wade, please tell me that it wasn't you who did that."

Wade stood, roaring with anger, "I never compromised her! Never did I touch her in any way or commit any social sin with that girl. I had to push her away from me several times."

"So, it was you," Scarlett's face turned crimson.

"I did propose, however, I never asked her father for permission because I had no intention of fulfilling the proposition. Mother, the conniving wench threatened me and Emily if I did not kneel to her and bring her back here as my wife. At that time, Emily and I had already promised ourselves to each other. I had to protect Emily just as I am protecting her now from your conniving plans to sabotage our relationship."

Scarlett was speechless. Emily had obviously enchanted Wade so that he had committed the most treacherous act of deception. She had to do something to retrieve him from Emily's grasp then convince him to marry Alice, fulfilling his obligation to her and reclaiming his position in Savannah society. They would have to deal with explanations of his absence at a later date. The only thing she could concentrate on at this moment was getting rid of Emily, and direct confrontation no longer worked with Wade. He had inherited her flaming temper and had outgrown his fear of her. She would have to deal with this issue indirectly.

Scarlett took a deep breath, realigning her strategy. "It is fine, darling, you did the right thing, keeping your promise to Emily." She paused, reaching for the gumption it would take to continue, "If Emily is worth that to you then I would like to spend some time with her, and learn to love her as well. The other issues are insignificant if you are devoted to her so deeply."

Wade glanced at her, unconvinced of her sincerity. Her sudden change in disposition was transparent, but he did not know her plan, so was left unable to defend himself. "I am glad you understand and are willing to accept Emily. I hope we can enjoy the remainder of my visit."

"Of course, darling," Scarlett rose to kneel beside him and kissed him on the cheek, "You'll invite Emily soon, won't you dear?"

Wade nodded, still struck dumb by Scarlett's sudden change. He really did not know whether he should invite Emily into Scarlett's lair. He was incredibly distrustful of her, knowing her past lack of virtue and skeptical of her shift in opinion of his future marriage. However the only way he could uncover her plan would be to expose himself to her. Once again, he had no other choice than to play into her hands and hope for the best.

Over the next several days, Emily spent time at Tara visiting with Scarlett, Rhett, and the family. They ate dinners together and entertained her quite lavishly so that Emily felt right at home immediately. Wade watched Scarlett's every move, hoping to catch her in some moment of indiscretion, but true to her word, she was perfectly amiable, treating Emily with grace and style as is she were royalty.

Emily returned the invitation, and the family visited Mimosa on a regular basis, where they would dine with other families in the county, and at each visit, Mr. Hayes became a regular guest. Scarlett admired his business sense, and probed him for information about lien holding, hoping that Wade could gain insight and possibly engage in the same business prospects. Wade could not stand the presence of Mr. Hayes. He watched the man's every move, as he charmed each woman in the room with his caressing voice and handsome magnetism. Wade cringed with jealousy each time he touched Emily's hand or gazed at her from across the room. However, she never returned his sentiment, and she placed herself strategically at Wade's side throughout each evening, and Wade settled himself contentedly.

Not once did Scarlett reveal herself or her plan, and Wade began to doubt his intuition. She was polite and lovable to both of them, almost as agreeable as she had been on the first night of his return, and he began to forget that he had been scrutinizing her every move. He began to enjoy her presence, and everyone seemed quite genial, the way he had dreamed his family could be. After becoming accustomed to her cordial nature, he did not want to believe that she could possibly be manipulating anything, and he relaxed, happy to be part of such good-natured family, dreading the moment he would have to say good-bye and return to Athens.

He tried to spend as much time as possible with Ella, for he had noticed her changes as well. She had become quiet and distant, even when the rest of the family was quite jolly. Although she never did reveal some great secret, he had the feeling that she was hiding something. She was terribly upset that Scarlett had returned, disturbing her peaceful life and she was plagued by jealousy that Scarlett loved Cat that way that she could never love either of them. Wade tried to console her, lovingly, hoping to appease her sadness, yet remaining unsuccessful. No matter how much they talked, walked, or teased, she never lost that look of sadness in the corner of her eyes, and Wade could only hope that some other issue plagued her mind. He would speak with Suellen about her before he left, for he knew that Suellen could soothe the most aching soul.

The month passed quickly, and before he was ready, it was time for him to return to Athens. He made arrangements to spend some time alone with Emily, and they picnicked alone beside the river, listening to the brook washing over the rocks, laughing and talking.

Suddenly, Emily turned serious, fearing that his departure was inevitable. "Wade, you cannot leave again. You must stay."

"Darling, you know that I can not. I have to fulfill my promise to Uncle Ashley so that I am free to fulfill my promise to you." Wade took her hand and held it close to his heart, searching her face for understanding.

Tears began to fall on her cheeks, and his heart ached for her. She pleaded with him, "Please, Wade, I cannot bear another year without you. I will go insane with agony. It is simply torturous being here without you, for my heart aches, I think of you every night, and I long for you."

"As I long for you, my love," Wade replied remorsefully.

"If nothing else, can we not wed now, and I will go with you." Emily voice was beginning to rise, and Wade could sense the anguish in her voice, but he could not concede.

He lowered her hand and wrapped his arms around her. He breathed deeply then placed his hands on her shoulders, facing her, soothing her, strengthening her. "Listen, my apartment in Athens is far too small, and I promised Mr. Fontaine that we would wait until I had completed my degree. Sweetheart, we have waited so long. What is just a little longer when we have our entire lives ahead of us?"

"Promises!" Emily stood and stomped her foot angrily. "Always keeping promises to everyone but me. When am I going to come first? When am I going to get my promises? Never mind, Wade Hampton, when you decide that you are ready for me then come get me. Until that time, I will not cry again, and you had better hope that I am still waiting." With that, she marched off, leaving Wade thunderstruck by her sudden anger. He considered following her, but he had seen her react like this before, and he knew it was no use trying to calm her until she had settled down. He watched her walk away, his heart aching.

Chapter 16

Wade got off the train in Athens carrying his single valise and left the depot, carefully crossing the street, drinking in the sights and smells of the city. Walking down the central dirt road alongside the businesses, he met acquaintances along the way, tipping his hat, waving his hand, and accepting invitations which he had not yet seen. It seemed as though he would never reach his small apartment by the university campus. No matter where he turned, people flocked to him to welcome him back to town. It occurred to him that without Scarlett's influence, he had been able to make quite a name for himself. He had become accepted in this small town, with only the Hamilton name, his personality, and his work ethic which preceded him. He was well known throughout the town, and was considered an eligible bachelor, for it was well-known that once he received his degree and began to practice law, he would earn enough wages to take care of any young girl lucky enough to trap him.

Athens was beginning to grow quite rapidly. The young men who had been lucky enough to return from war had been given grants to attend school, and the enrollment had increased dramatically over the past years. The university had been given a grant to include agriculture and mechanics, changing its characteristic student from elite landowners to students of various backgrounds and financial influences. As the university grew, so did the town. It was currently around 7,000 people, and although it was not nearly as large as Atlanta, it was named the county seat in Clarke County, and was an important textile manufacturing site. After the slow, long days of summer plantation life, it would take a while to get used to the hustle of city life, but he was already looking forward to the social gatherings and the excitement of university life.

Finally, he reached the small store which comprised the first level of the building where his apartment sat on the second floor, and he slowly climbed the stairs, suddenly aware of the exhaustion which encompassed him. He reached his room and meticulously unpacked his bag, placing everything in its proper place, neatly folded. Then he threw himself on his bed, sure that he would fall asleep quickly. However, his mind began to ponder his visit to Tara, and he realized that the blanket on which he was laying was very itchy, so he threw it to the side. Once again, he lay down and closed his eyes, and he envisioned his last visit with Emily, squabbling and upset, she left without saying goodbye. He realized that the feathers from his down pillow were sticking him in the nape of his neck so he threw it to the side and lay back on his hands. Still he could not relax.

His mind was plagued with worry. Nothing had gone the way he had planned, and now, though he had possibly won his mother's favor, he may have lost Emily forever. Of course, he still distrusted his mother. He would always remember Will saying that she loved him as much as she ever could, so he had long ago given up his hope that she would love him and accept him, but he thought that she may have accepted his bride to be. But even that did not matter now because Emily was angry. He had experienced her anger before, and it was not a fleeting show of emotion, but rather a wrath of fury that she could harbor for a long time.

This final thought reminded him of Rhett's words on the train home from New Orleans. He said not to trust a woman who was so passionate and easily discarded virtue. Would that definition fit Emily? Was Rhett's advice worth taking, now that he had resumed his relationship and forgiven a woman who had so obviously scorned him for years? He turned over and tried to close his eyes again, hoping for the relief of sleep, but still none came, and he began to wonder if he would ever sleep again or if worry and strife would follow him for the rest of his life.

His eyes flew open suddenly, as he realized that Rhett's words held no application in his present situation. Emily was nothing like Scarlett. He knew that she loved him, but she could not understand his need for chivalry, and frankly, he did not understand it himself sometimes. His life would have been so much easier on many occasions if he had been able to take the wider, easier road, but he was convinced of the fact that his self-worth was directly linked to his ability to display virtue in all situations. He wanted more than anything to be known as a person who could always be counted on to do the right thing. He wanted people to know that in all situations, big or small, he could be trusted to follow the right path, keep his word, and act nobly. He truly believed that hard work yielded desirable results, and nothing good could be gained with dishonesty. Although she misunderstood his acts of integrity, she would soon learn that she could rely on him, and she could apply his loyalty in other promises to the promises made to her.

Wade decided to write to her immediately, relaying his thoughts, hoping that she would see his point of view and forgive him. He took out a clean sheet of paper and very delicately penned an ornate letter of explanation, detailing his reasons for past, present, and future decisions. His promises to her were beautifully reaffirmed, and as he reread his written confessions, he was satisfied with his articulation. He quickly sealed and addressed the letter then ran it down to the post office, hoping unrealistically that there would be some word from Tara.

The next day he resumed the normal routine of school and work, and during any lull in activity, he wrote to Emily again, reiterating his love for her, begging her forgiveness, and promising his future. After his daily writing, he ran to the post office, yearning for any reply, but none came. Days of waiting turned to months, and as he sifted through his daily mail searching for any word from Tara, his worry turned to fear and finally hopelessness. He had never truly believed that she would turn her back on him, but her refusal to acknowledge his many attempts at communication weighed on him, revealing the depth of her anger. Before long, he ran out of new ideas, and he found that each letter contained the same musings which obviously had no effect on her.

His heart crumbled bit by bit each day when he checked and found no letter from her. Realization that she had deserted him slowly crept into his mind, and though he tried to fight negativity, daily reminders of her neglect settled on his shoulders like a heavy boulder that he could not shake. He believed that he had made a compelling argument in each letter, and he had finally resorted to begging for her reply or acknowledgement that she had received any letter, but nothing broke the thick wall that she had built between them.

In an effort to relieve his obsession, he focused on school and work, and attended social gatherings often. He was greatly impressed by the speed with which Athens had recuperated from the war and the grandness of the homes to which he was invited. The ladies and gentlemen were dressed gaily, no drab clothes or turned dresses, for their mourning had ended, and their vision of the coming century had spurred a revival for rich living. At each dinner, several courses of the finest cuisine were served, and each dance hosted the finest musicians. Artisans from all over Georgia were warmly received. He could not shake his frustration and disappointment, however, no matter how many functions he attended, for his mind always returned to Emily.

He had given up hope. It had been two months since he had been in Athens, and not one letter had been received from Emily. He had resigned to waiting until Christmas when he could see her in person, and this time he would not leave her side until they had resolved the issues. He went to the post office to check his mail, expecting his usual post of cards, invitations, and invoices. As he sorted through his various correspondences, a letter from Tara caught his eye. It was from Ella.

He ran home, barely noticing passersby, and ran straight to his room, flinging the rest of the mail on his desk then settling himself on his bed. He could hardly hold his letter opener for his hands were shaking. His heart beat rapidly and beads of perspiration had formed on his brow. Maybe she would disclose the cause of her sorrow that had been apparent during his summer visit, hopefully, she would mention his mother's departure, and most importantly, he was sure that Ella would mention something about Emily. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he took a long deep breath, plunged the knife into the side of the envelope and removed the paper within. He opened it carefully, noticing the lovely handwriting, embellished with swirls. As he began to read, his heart dropped to the floor, and his mouth gaped open in horror.

My dearest brother Wade,

I have been tormented by whether or not to write this letter, for I have no desire to delve into your personal business or bear such horrific news, however, the nature of this deception warrants immediate attention. I am terribly afraid, brother, that Emily has betrayed you with talk of matrimony and faithfulness. No sooner than you left for school, Mr. Hayes began to court Emily regularly. They have been seen together on many occasions, and he frequents the Fontaine plantation almost daily. Although these details may not seem adequate revelations of fraud, they do explain their recent announcement of forthcoming betrothal.

I understand that this news may be quite shocking, considering her former engagement to you, but I have to say, dear brother, that it is not shocking to us all. You, who were blinded by love, could not see her faults as we could, for we are nonpartisan bystanders, sympathizing with your heartache. I am truly regretful that I have to be the one to relay such wretched news, and I hope that you will not bear ill-will with me for having told you.

Although it may seem inappropriate to share my opinion amidst your sorrow, I must encourage you to find another lady, more suitable and worthy of you. The pathetic girl who won your devotion turned out to be the most despicable of creatures, undeserving of your fine character and strength. You have become a fine gentleman, an admirable brother, and an honorable person in contrast with her disreputable actions and demeanor. I hope that you will soon forget about her, focus on your duties at hand, and return to us with a lady who has proven herself worthy of you, creditable to your character, and as precious as rubies. Only then will you find true happiness.

Your loving sister,

Ella

Wade stared blindly at the written words in front of him. They did not make sense, but he couldn't bear to read them again, fearing comprehension. He did not move, speak, or allow thoughts to enter his mind, for understanding would be insufferable. Paralyzed by an excruciating pain that ran through his chest and down his arms, he dropped the paper, and did not bother to pick it up, not wanting to know, wishing he had never read the letter, and hating Ella for shattering his delusions. As long as he did not know, he could dream of healing the wounds they shared, and yet rather than desiring reconciliation, she flew into the arms of another man, destroying any hopes they might have had.

As his mind began to grasp the complete ordeal, pain seared through his body, leaving him breathless. She was gone. For as long as he could remember, Emily was the only person in the world who had consistently loved him unconditionally. She had been his mainstay when all other relationships had failed him. She knew his heart, accepted his faults, and only required his devotion, or so he thought. Now, he was dazed at her incomprehensible actions, blindsided by her sudden lack of loyalty and willingness to discard virtue. He never would have predicted such betrayal, for even in their darkest hours, he felt her sincerity, and his faith in her remained stable.

He played each moment they shared through his mind, remembering each spat, disagreement and misunderstanding, as well as each moment he held her in his arms. He began to sob uncontrollably, hiccupping as he had not done since he was a child. He was tormented with grief, and with each memory came a new flow of tears. He cried until his strength was spent, and he could cry no more. He lay back on his pillow, emotionless, paralyzed with sorrow, unwilling to move, disinclined to breathe. His head throbbed and his muscles ached.

For the next two days, he laid motionless, sending messages to the bank and to his professors that he was ill, for he was. He was heartsick.

He knew no response to such an inconceivable prospect. This problem was not addressed in any law book therefore he had no process to follow to repair the situation, and no course of action that he could conjure seemed appropriate for the circumstances. He examined every one of his actions, one by one, but he could find no fault of his own. The blame lay with her, giving him no path for amendment. He had no recourse. He had done exactly what he believed would make him a better man, and in that search for honorability, he had lost the only person he had loved.

He began to consider the possibility that his own search for honorability was his downfall. Rhett had once advised him to cast off ideas of gentleman grace and kindness, and it was possible that his desire to be a gentleman had led him astray. Looking at his predecessors, being a gentleman had not helped his father win the affection of his bride, nor had Uncle Ashley been able to fully recuperate from Aunt Melly's death because of his devotion to her memory, and his unwillingness to throw off the social expectations of widowhood. Wade had certainly never gained his mother's adoration or respect in spite of his great trials, in fact she had more impressed by his scheming, passionate side.

Men across the country had suffered great blows at the hand of women, and he had to wonder if love, marriage, and passion were worth the prolonged agony that accompanied such devotion. When a man gives his heart to a woman, she possesses a power so great that, knowingly or unknowingly, she can crush his spirit and leave him writhing in pain without compassion. He sat down to share all of these thoughts with Emily in another letter, but soon, he dropped his pen, knowing she would never reply, and his ink was useless. At one time, he believed that he was in charge of his own destiny, but once again, someone stepped in and took over. When would his bright future that Mammy had predicted begin? So far, he had nothing but heartache, and it was time for a change.

As the first light of dawn filled his room, realization wafted on him like a warm blanket. He faced his faults and came to two conclusions. First, nothing positive resulted in acts of nobility. Second, the love of no woman would ever distract him again. So far, in his life, he had followed his ideals of honor, and it had done nothing but hinder his progress. No longer would he allow thoughts of principles to influence his decisions. He would do exactly as he pleased, and he would accomplish his goals with pride. He would discover his true heart's desire, and he would gather material wants with no distraction. No lady in the state of Georgia would get in his way, for he was through with all persons of the female persuasion, forsaking love for the satisfaction of his needs and wants.

As the sun made its way across the sky, Wade made lists of desired objects he sought to obtain and feats he would achieve. He set goals for accomplishment, sights he wished to see, and activities in which he wished to partake. Each goal was given a priority rating, and charts were filled with timelines. Then each goal was broken down into smaller, digestible parts, and placed in the order in which they would be accomplished. After hours of study and examination, he sat back and studied his work, smiling devilishly at his future, for it was filled with unthinkable items that he had never considered when he was focused on Emily. He had regained his strength by focusing on the future, just as the city had regained its strength after the war, and he was convinced of his potential success if only he could maintain his single-mindedness.

The next morning, he rose early, dressed to the nines, ready to face the new day with a new perspective. He headed directly to the bank then up to the president's office. He rapped on the door authoritatively, and when the door opened, he stretched out his hand with a firm grip.

"I would like to speak with you about my future with the bank," Wade asserted.

The president, Mr. Johnson, waved his hand, motioning him to sit. Then he sat behind his desk, perching his elbows on his crossed legs, folding his hands under his chin, and propping his head with his pointer fingers. "What do you have in mind?"

"I believe that I have proven myself over the last year. It is time to start planning my future, and I would like to have a better view of the banking business. What would you suggest to be the best way to learn the business?" Wade tried to hide his eagerness, but the perpetual movement of his leg uncovered his disguise.

Mr. Johnson rocked for a moment, staring intensely at Wade. He envisioned Wade marrying his oldest daughter, becoming his son-in-law, and presiding as president, but he could not be so forthright. "Let me think about this for a while, do some checking. Why don't you come by our house tonight? We will be hosting some of the most prominent families in Athens."

Wade stood and extended his hand, once more, "Thank you, sir. I accept your invitation." He released the Mr. Johnson's hand, reluctantly, hoping for more information, but unwilling to press him.

"We will expect you at eight o'clock sharp."

Wade nodded then turned to go. Opening the door slowly, he turned once more to face the man behind the desk upon hearing his voice. "I understand that Ashley Wilkes is your uncle. Quite a man, that fellow. He was right about you."

Wade looked at him questioningly, "I am afraid I don't follow you."

"You didn't know? Mr. Wilkes approached me about a year ago and pleaded with me to hire you. I was not sure about you, for you were young, uneducated, and without male influence, but you turned out to be quite an investment."

"Thank you, sir." Wade hurriedly rushed out the door and down the hall to his desk in the corner. He was stunned. The only reason he had been hired was because of Uncle Ashley, and this entire time, he assumed he had gotten this job on his own merit. His mother had enchanted his way in to the university with her money. Even Tara belonged to her, and if he ever inherited that land, it would be because of her good graces. He realized that he had no control over anything in his life. Every aspect was manipulated by some force beyond his control, and he could not break free.

He began shuffling papers, trying to rid his mind of such frustrating admissions of helplessness. He had pledged to stay focused on his goals, and he must push thoughts of Scarlett far from his mind. He concentrated on his work, completing applications, helping customers, and handling money. With each touch of gold, his heart began to swell with greed, wanting his own, and considering plans to make his fortune. So many opportunities afforded him, and all he had to do was take control. He had to break free from Scarlett's grasp and the influence of the numerous people surrounding him that considered him incapable of running his own life. He had to break free.

The day swept by quickly as he finished his duties at the bank, attended his classes at school, and then readied himself for the soirée at Mr. Johnson's home. He found his most appropriate tuxedo, slicked back his hair, and donned an impressive hat. As he strolled down the street, he noticed numerous carriages riding swiftly by, and he peered at them, hoping to recognize one of them, but he could not quite see inside, and as he neared the mansion, he realized that the carriages were stopping in front. The guests present at this affair were of highest stature in the city, and he would be seen walking to the front steps, without carriage or horse, for he had left Silver at Tara.

He inched his way to the front doors, unsure of his presence, carefully studying the dress of the other gentlemen. His dress was suitable, but he was till nervous about being seen without appropriate transportation however he soon found that he was able to slide in with the crowd as they made their way up the steps to the grand entrance. Huge French doors, towering above their heads, opened slowly to reveal a magnificent entrance with ceilings reaching two stories high. Flights of stairs on either side led to rails guarding the landing on each story, leading to unseen rooms. The large room was white with white marble floors and white settees strategically placed around the room for guests to rest and watch the dancing. Throughout the room, bronze accents broke up the crisp, stark white décor. Large mirrors hung at the other end, and a crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, giving off a luminous glow.

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson met the group at the door, introducing their daughter, Louise then led them into the great room, where other callers had already arrived. The room was filled with the most prominent citizens of Athens. Crowds gathered around the room as waiters carried drinks, serving the guests fluted glasses of champagne, wine and port. Wade sauntered through the crowd, trying to act as though he fit in, but he felt uncomfortable. Some people he knew, but others he had only heard of, and they all stood in groups, talking animatedly, unaware of his presence.

A waiter offered him a glass of champagne and he hesitantly took it, but found he was soon glad to have something in his hand so that he would not fidget. A time or two, he had to suppress hiccups that he could feel welling in his chest. He edged his way to the corner and continued walking around the edge, not daring sit, for it would be conspicuous, but slowly circling the crowd as if he were dazed. All of the sudden, his movement was interrupted by someone bumping his arm. He could feel his glass slipping from his fingers, but was able to recover quickly enough to keep hold of his glass as its contents fell to the floor. Before he knew how to react, a waiter cleaned up the spilled liquid and replaced his glass with a freshly filled one.

He was amazed at the treatment, for although he had witnessed many parties given by his mother, none were handled so delicately with such refinement, and even the parties he had attended over the last year while in Athens were incomparable. He soon found that this particular dinner was a highly coveted event which only hosted the most important people in Athens, and there were even a few Atlantans present. He was honored to be recognized as worthy of an invitation.

The man who bumped his arm turned and introduced himself, "Excuse me, sir. I apologize profusely. My name is Mr. Beck. And you are?"

Wade straightened his shoulders, gathering his courage, and in a deeper voice than usual, replied, "Wade Hampton Hamilton, sir. I am glad to make your acquaintance."

Mr. Beck laughed deeply, noticing the crimson creep slowly up Wade's neck. "No need to feel shy here. I can tell you stories about every person here that would make you blush even harder. Might as well make yourself at home." He smiled and chuckled slightly then asked, "So what business are you in, son?"

"I am in banking, an employee of Mr. Johnson's, and I am a law student at the university," Wade replied uneasily. He was unsure of how his position would be received, but the man shook his hand again, congratulating him on his invitation then turned around and introduced him to the group.

"This is Wade Hampton Hamilton."

"That is quite a name. Were you named after your father's commanding officer?" Another man asked.

"Yes, sir. My father died in the war after attending the university." Wade answered briefly then attempted to answer the other questions that were fired so quickly.

"Where are you from? What is your business? Do you plan to open a law firm? Where have I heard the name Hamilton?"

By the time he had answered the inquiries, his head was swimming, but he felt much more at ease. These gentlemen accepted him, as if he was one of them, and he had not mentioned Uncle Ashley, Scarlett, or Rhett Butler's name. He soon learned the names of the other gentlemen standing around him, and he was pleased to learn that they were unrecognizable, so that he could stand on his own, not having to worry about reports to his kin.

"I hear we are expecting quite a cotton crop." Mr. Beck looked at Wade, expecting his input. Mr. Beck was in the textile business, which had suffered great loss during the war, but had recovered rather quickly. A good cotton crop would increase his business as he looked forward to expanding his business to the overseas market.

Wade replied, "I haven't seen it yet, but this summer it looked well. Hopefully the cattle market looks as promising, for that is my newest investment."

The men agreed, nodding their heads. "Athens is growing mighty quickly. You might want to consider expanding your investments to include Athens." Mr. Whittier announced. Mr. Whittier had made his fortune by investing in the railroad which ran through Athens. The railroad had been spared during the war, and was being lengthened to run further north. He privately considered the opportunity to ship cattle north and its profitability.

"It has grown since I first arrived." Wade agreed.

"Will you be attending the Cotton Expo in Atlanta?" Mr. Carter asked. Mr. Carter was originally from Augusta, but had relocated to Athens temporarily to accompany his son while he was at the university studying agriculture. He was very interested in attending the expo, for it promised to change the south with its novel ideas and industrial techniques. "I hear it is the height of excitement this year, presenting the newest technology."

"I have not heard of it," Wade replied, "But if it is going to be as inspiring as you say, I wouldn't miss it. I welcome the opportunity for advancement and profit."

The men slapped him on the back, laughing and agreeing wholeheartedly. By the time the dinner bell rang, Wade was enjoying himself, the conversation, and the company. He followed the gentlemen into the dining room, and watched their movements carefully as they found their name cards placed on the setting where they were expected to sit. He quickly found his name and sat down watching the other guests. He was terribly worried that presented with such a fine opportunity, he would ruin it by committing a social faux pas.

Turning to his left, he was stunned to find Louise Johnson beside him. She was quite an attractive young lady, dressed in fine royal blue silk. Around her neck hung a delicate string of pearls, and her hair was swept back in a long French twist entwined with blue violets, revealing dainty pearl drops hanging from each ear. Her delicate features were contrasted by large brown eyes that remained downcast most of the night. Her small hands were folded neatly in her lap, and she sat straight, her back never touching the chair. She looked like a royal princess, uncomfortable with her position, yet bearing it with dignity.

Wade kept his eyes diverted from her, hoping to avoid her attention. She remained seemingly occupied, investigating her hands which lay quietly in her lap, and only looked up when she was directly addressed. Then, she spoke so softly, she could barely be heard, replying briefly. As soon as the first course was placed in front of him, he realized that he was ravenously hungry, and he picked up his silver ready to devour the scrumptious food before him when he heard her softly speak his name.

"Wade, not yet." No one else had heard her for her voice was frail, and he looked around the room, gaining insight into her directions. No one else had begun to eat, so he quickly laid his fork back down, waiting for everyone to be served. Mr. Johnson gave thanks then the dining hall became loud as guests began to eat. Forks clanged against the china, glasses rang with frequent toasts, and roars of laughter could be heard from the other end of the long table.

Wade turned to Louise and asked, "How did you know my name?"

Her eyes remained lowered as she spoke, "We were introduced in the receiving line." Wade was impressed at her memory. He had already forgotten most of the names he had heard throughout the evening.

He did not want to engage in conversation with her. She was strikingly beautiful, and her demeanor reminded him of his Aunt Melly, which made her even lovelier. He reminded himself that his heart was still broken because of Emily, and he wished to avoid more heartache by becoming involved with another woman, so he directed his attention to the conversation around him.

All around him, people talked of business ventures and propositions. Most of the vocabulary was foreign, and he listened carefully, making mental lists of words to define later. The conversation was interesting, and he learned of business opportunities he had never dreamed of. He tried to memorize names and associations, for he knew that this group of people would help him reach his goals.

Finally, the diners were full, plates were empty, and champagne glasses were being refilled when they returned to the ballroom. The band began to play, and partners matched for the first reel. Wade knew how to dance, but did not consider himself to be a graceful dancer, so he decided to venture to the terrace where he could see out over the city. Stars glowed brightly and the moon gave light to the sprawling buildings beneath him. It was a beautiful evening, and he was enjoying the music in the distance, and the serenity of standing on the balcony alone.

Behind him, he felt a presence, and he turned to find Louise standing quietly in the doorway. When she saw him look at her, she turned from him, focusing on the dance, but found that she could not stand the hoards of company. She walked gracefully onto the balcony and stood with her hands lying on the rails just a few feet from where Wade reclined against the rails.

"Are you enjoying the party?" Louise asked.

Wade had to slide closer to her, for her voice was faint. "Yes, thank you. Why are you not dancing?" he asked, eyeing her closely, wondering what brought her out here when she was obviously a graceful dancer.

She bowed her head momentarily then raised her eyes to him. As if she were revealing a deep secret, she whispered, "I do not enjoy dancing. The crowds are very large, and I am fearful of stepping on toes." She blushed slightly, and Wade noticed she looked even more beautiful with color on her cheeks. "I have to admit that I would much rather be reading alone in my room. I suppose that admission does not make me very ladylike." She lowered her head again, focusing on her hands which gripped the rail tightly.

"I understand. I would prefer Shakespeare any day. What do you enjoy reading?" he inquired.

She suddenly became animated as she began to discuss literature, her first love. "I love Shakespeare as well as anything else I can get my hands on. I believe I have read every bit of non fiction in this house. My father has a great library, which is where I spend most of my time."

Wade imagined the library, speculating the large volumes of Greek mythology, poetry, and informational texts. "That sounds lovely." He studied her closely, realizing that as she talked of books, her shyness subsided, and she became enthusiastic. Her eyes danced in the moonlight, sparkling with excitement, and her feet began to move in time to the music.

"I heard you say that you are a law student. I would never tell anyone this, either, but I long to attend the university as well. Once again, an improper confession for an unmarried woman if she wants to avoid spinsterhood," she smiled, laughing at herself. "If my mother heard the things I have told you, I would have to hide for weeks." She suddenly became silent, realizing she had said too much.

Wade did not know how to respond. He appreciated her honesty, for he had never admired a woman's false flattery and strategic schemes considered necessary to catch a man's attention. He understood that she had no desire to try to catch him, and he felt a sense of relief, knowing that he could let down his guard with her. He would not have to defend himself against her, for her charm was natural, and she played no games. "Your secrets are safe with me." He took her hand and kissed it gently, watching her blush. "But I don't think you should consider attending the university. They do not admit women, and I do not anticipate women ever attending formal educational institutions." He tried not to laugh out loud, for the thought of a woman going to the university was preposterous. Ladies were made to be simple, emotional creatures.

"It is a possibility. I would not discard the idea so easily. I can see by your expression that you believe it is a silly idea. Do you believe that women were formed simply to look pretty? Are you a man who believes that a woman has no common sense?"

Wade blushed, aware that his emotions were written clearly on his face. She had been able to read his thoughts. He shuffled his feet for a moment before answering, "I cannot say that I believe women are simple. My mother happens to be ingenuous with a good business head. I have seen ladies run large plantations, taking far more responsibility than is afforded them." Wade hoped he had recovered from his obvious blunder. "I just do not believe that social norms are changed so easily. Women have never needed schooling beyond learning charm, etiquette, and sewing, and women have no reason to attend college. They will never use that knowledge in the workforce."

Louise stared at him incredulously, astonished at his forthright manner with which he addressed the issue. She had not discussed the issue with another person, and she was astounded to hear the facts related to her so matter-of-factly, and it brought tears to her eyes to know that her deepest desires were beyond comprehension to another person. "I suppose you make a point, sir." Embarrassed at her lack of refined conversation and the emotion that glistened on her cheeks, she excused herself quickly and ran from his side. Although he searched for her through the crowd, hoping to make amends, he did not see her again, and he left without saying goodbye.

Chapter 17

In just a few weeks, Wade's bags were packed and he was heading for Atlanta for the Cotton Expo. He was not sure what he would find there, but he felt a pull towards such an exciting event. He had written to Uncle Ashley to make arrangements for his stay, and Uncle Ashley had replied quickly, happy to have Wade visit. By the time he arrived in Atlanta, he could feel electricity in the air as crowds of people gathered at the train station to welcome friends from across the state, and talk of the exposition filled the air. Everyone knew it would be the event of the century, and speculations of its contents heightened the excitement.

Uncle Ashley and Beau met him at the station and they made their way slowly back to their home though the hoards of people lining the streets and filling every hotel in the city. When they finally reached their destination, Ashley unlocked the door, and held it open for Wade, inviting him inside. Wade walked inside and almost fell to his knees. The memory of Aunt Melly filled the air, and his heart suddenly ached for her, longing for her soft arms around him, comforting him. He had not noticed her presence so clearly before, and he fought the urge to run from the house, from his memories holding him paralyzed in agony. Aunt Melly had always been kind hearted and gentle. She would know how to mend his broken heart and refocus his attention on the important issues in his life. He felt stranded and alone, drowning in sorrow, lost in a sea of helpless torment with no lighthouse to guide the way.

He quickly excused himself to the guest room, for he was exhausted, and he wanted to escape before his hosts noticed the tears rolling down his face. When he reached his room, he laid on the bed, breathing in the aroma of Aunt Melly that swam around him. He realized that he had forgotten most of her teachings, for it was Aunt Melly that impressed upon him the necessity for honesty, chivalry, and dependability. Shame washed over him, as he remembered his reaction to Emily's disloyalty, and he longed for someone to ease his suffering. He was lonely, as he had been lonely for so long, but it was if he was realizing it for the first time.

He leapt from the bed, and plunged himself on his knees, sobbing uncontrollably. He wept for his lost love and all of the loved ones he lost in the past. He wept for the relationship with his mother that he would never know or understand, and the land at Tara that he longed to feel again. Finally, he wept for his lack of spiritual devotion, and his shameful departure from Aunt Melly's and Suellen's teaching, for it had been ages since he had reached out in prayer, and he knew that his lack of faith had created the hole that was left in his heart. When he finally arose from his bedside, a renewed sense of faith formed itself in his mind, and he felt refreshed. It seemed as if Aunt Melly had pulled him to this place and knelt beside him, holding him, reassuring him, and giving him strength to face the coming days. As he slept that night, he dreamt of his great grandmother Robillard, holding him closely, protecting him from the insurgence of Yankee forces, and he woke to find his face wet with tears.

The next morning he woke to find a crisp, cool morning. Ashley and Beau had risen early, cooked breakfast, and were waiting on him to arise and join them. They were quite excited to be attending the expo in Ogelthorpe Park, and they were making plans to see each exhibit. Wade listened to their chatter, excited to be part of such a memorable event, and glad to see the two men talking and laughing.

Beau had grown considerably since their last visit. He had risen several inches, and his shoulders were broad. He looked like his father with light auburn hair and prominent features, but his eyes resembled the soft brown eyes of his mother's. He would be attending the university next fall, and they had discussed his plan of study. He would follow in the steps of his uncles and great uncles, attending the college of law with Wade. Now, the two men talked as equals, mild mannered, like minded individuals, with common interests and similar manners, and Wade envied their relationship. Though Beau had lost his mother at an early age, his father courageously took on the responsibility of raising his son, minding his oaths to Melanie. He could be proud, for Beau had become a fine young man.

They left early, hoping to beat the crowd that was expected, but when they arrived at the park, they realized that other people had the same idea. Vast crowds of people made their way to the complex. The three had planned on beginning in the middle building which was a running cotton factory, but they could not push their way through, so they decided to start in one of the offshoots. The complex had been constructed in the shape of a cross, with each of the four wings holding exhibits consisting of agriculture, transportation, minerals, and the lumber industry. They had intended to spend one full day at the expo, but found that by the time they had made it half-way through, it was late. They stopped and ate at the restaurant, then made their way home, excited to see the remaining exhibits on the next day.

They arrived even earlier the next day, but found that the crowds had only increased, so they settled back to expect long lines, and crowded spaces, determined to enjoy the experience. As they reached the long line of carriage models, Wade studied each model, considering the pros and cons of each. He had taken an interest in the carriage system of Atlanta wondered why Athens had not invested in public transportation before. With the railroad, shops, and the university, a transportation system had become a necessity, and could possibly be lucrative, considering the suburban population of passengers that a carriage system would serve. Deep in thought, he stared at the models, planning his proposal to Mr. Johnson, when suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted. Behind him, he heard a voice he had not heard in two years, but it was immediately recognizable, and he wished desperately to hide.

"Why, Mr. Hamilton! How nice it is to see you!" Alice's high-pitched voice hinted of deep sarcasm, dripping with false niceties.

Wade faced her fearfully and saw that she was standing directly behind him, and behind her were her two aunts, drably dressed, and obviously disapproving of such an affair. "Alice, I never expected to see you here." Wade turned his mouth in a slight smile, but his eyes revealed his true feelings.

"We heard about this expo from your mother, and we decided we could not miss it. Did your mother mention me? We met a few days ago. I suppose you know that she is in Savannah and doing very well." Spite and anger flared in her eyes, and Wade hunted for an escape route. She had not forgotten his false proposal to her in Texas, and she was still very angry, apparently. He silently wondered what she had planned and what his mother planned. Together, they could make a destructive team.

"I have not spoken with Mother since I left Tara, but I am glad to hear that she is doing well. It seems as if my uncle is continuing to the next exhibit. It was very nice seeing you again, Alice," Wade tipped his hat, and turned swiftly to follow Uncle Ashley, but felt her hand on his arm, gripping tightly.

Her hot breath whispered in his ear, "You cad. Don't think you can escape from me so easily like you did in Texas. You will finish this conversation or so help me, I will announce to the entire coliseum of your indiscretions." He could feel her hand trembling, and the viperous tone in her voice, and he knew she meant every word she said.

He took her hand gently and tucked it in the curve of his arm, leading her to the restaurant. They took a small table in the corner with her aunts a few feet away at another table. More than anything, he wished he could get away from her, but he was afraid of the scene she would create.

Alice reached for his hand and held it tightly across the table. "Why didn't you come back?"

Wade suddenly felt sorry, seeing his actions from her point of view. She must have been very disappointed. "I told you that my heart was devoted to another." He pulled his hand away and looked at the menu. "You left me no other choice."

Alice looked at the menu then set it down forcefully, baiting him, "Your mother told me about Emily. She left you for another." She raised her eyebrows questioningly. "I suppose her devotion was not quite as strong as yours."

Wade refused to acknowledge her hateful words, continuing to study his menu. When the waiter finally returned, he ordered a sandwich, hoping to hurry this ordeal so he could flee.

When they were alone again, she continued, "You made a proposal to me, and I expect you to fulfill your end of the bargain."

Wade turned his glass around, looking through the ice floating in the water. He asked, "Why would you need me to uphold the proposal when you have exactly what you wanted? You are back in Georgia, which is the only reason you tried to blackmail me."

Alice's face turned red, "I am only here to visit, hoping to redeem my name. Do you know how I suffered when you did not return?"

"Not really. Surely you did not believe that proposal was genuine. You coerced it from me." Wade avoided her face, twisting with anger.

She tried desperately to maintain her composure. She removed her gloves, slowly and placed them beside her then raised her eyes and fluttered her lids seductively. "Wade, darling, let us put the past behind us. Let's pretend that you immediately returned from the cattle drive, and let's begin planning our wedding." She smiled as if she were perfectly pleased with her plan. She reached across the table again, pulling his hand toward her, but he resisted.

"Why do you want to marry someone who doesn't want you?" Wade bit his tongue, knowing his words cut her deeply.

She stared at him across the table with her mouth agape looking as though he had slapped her with his words then just as quickly, serenity draped over her, and one corner of her mouth tilted up, knowing that yet again, she had the upper hand. "You want me. I can assure you of that." She paused, as their food was delivered. She smiled gently as though they were having the most pleasant conversation then continued, "If not me, you want what I have to offer. My father has bequeathed a rather large plot of Georgian land to me, and upon our betrothal, it will be given to you as a wedding gift. It runs to the south of your beloved Tara, so you can own more land in Clayton County than anyone else. Further, with your knowledge of law and enterprising mind, you could set up quite a sharecropping venture. I've heard it is quite profitable."

"And what do you gain from this?" Wade sneered at her, compelled once again to run from the restaurant.

Alice fluttered her eyes innocently, "Just a few things, really. First, my father will only allow me to remain in Georgia if I am in the company of my husband. Furthermore, I will regain my honor. While you were gone, I told my father about your proposal, and when you didn't return, he saw my heartbreak because of your rejection. Finally, I have always thought that we would make a magnificent pair, and your mother thinks so too."

Wade ate slowly, deliberately swallowing each bite. Setting his fork down, he shifted in his seat, looking directly at her. "Alice, hear me clearly. I do not want to marry you. No matter what your offer, nothing is worth the torment of surviving your temper, your scheming, or your backstabbing plots. I want nothing more to do with you."

She smiled at him, as though she heard not a word, and replied sweetly, "Oh, you will. No matter where you go or try to hide, I will be there. You will see my softer side and maybe even fall in love. No matter, for eventually, you will see my point of view, and we will be wed in a perfect ceremony."

Wade rose from the table, throwing his napkin in his chair. He strode out of the restaurant, ignoring her giggling behind him. He would never relent.

He was able to find Uncle Ashley and Beau after looking through three buildings, and they were quite surprised to see him after he had disappeared so suddenly. He was able to explain his absence easily, and they finished the tour uneventfully. They walked through each exhibition, enjoying the displays of cotton from around the world, and the variety of crops grown in Georgia. The inventions were enthralling, and it was exciting to see so many changes within the various industries represented. By the time they had finished, Wade was convinced that the Atlanta Cotton Expo had lived up to his expectations and he was sure that the men of Athens would concur.

After a few more days, he returned to Athens. He was sorry to leave them, but he was relieved to be away from the house that reminded him so much of Aunt Melly. Although he reached a spiritual pivot during the first night there, he remained haunted by her memory, and his heart ached for her presence. As he turned each corner, he expected to see her standing there with her arms outstretched, inviting him, but each time new realization set in that he would never see her again or feel her arms around him, and he began to hurt again. He knew it was time to leave, and he appreciated his small apartment in Athens, for there were no memories there to disturb him.

As soon as he returned, he began working on his business plan to present to Mr. Johnson. He had become inspired to begin a carriage system in Athens, and he knew that if his business plan was solid, he would be able to convince Mr. Johnson to invest in his venture. He wrote down complete details of the cost analysis, the market he would reach, and the breakdown of the company. He described the carriages, their numbers, and the horses needed to power each one. The carriage system would enable people from rural areas to come to town more often, which would also affect the local businesses. As the city grew, the system would grow and become even more necessary. He knew he had a bright idea and a firm plan.

Wade decided to present the plan to Mr. Johnson as soon as it was complete. He straightened his back, lifted his chin, and marched into Mr. Johnson's office and handed him the proposal. Mr. Johnson looked slightly surprised, but sat down and read through it carefully, nodded occasionally, considering it in its entirety. When he had finished, he laid the papers on his desk, clasped his hands under his chin, and looked at Wade, unspeaking.

After an endless time, he gathered his thoughts and began to speak. "Wade, I see that you have a good head for business. I am impressed with your idea, thoughts, and your plan. However, there is a problem. Groups of gentlemen have been discussing this idea, and I have invested with their company. They will be implementing the plan within the next few weeks. In fact, they went to Atlanta to see the different types of carriages so they could settle on the type they will be using. I'm sorry."

Wade nodded, understanding, and replied, "Thank you for your time." He rose to leave.

Mr. Johnson stopped him, "Please sit down, Wade. I have something else to discuss with you. I have considered your request for advancement, and I have an idea that I thought you might consider." He waited for Wade's response, but his disappointment was so great that he was not sure how to respond, and he refocused on the conversation. "The party the other night did not go as I planned. You met Louise, my oldest daughter," Mr. Johnson eyed him questioningly.

"Yes, sir, she is a lovely girl." Wade responded half-heartedly, wondering what was being implied.

"Louise has come of marrying age with no prospects. She is a shy girl with silly notions of books and school, unable to catch the eye of any man worthy of her." He paused for a moment, considering the best way to voice his notion. "I believe that you, Wade, are worthy of her. She is a kind-hearted girl, and she would make any man very happy... and very wealthy."

Wade took a deep breath. His mind was suddenly racing. What was this man asking of him? To marry a woman he did not know, only for the sake of a fortune? "I'm not quite sure I follow you, sir."

Mr. Johnson swallowed then spoke frankly. "Wade, I am looking for a man that can run the bank after I have passed on. I intend to leave my position to my daughter's husband, for I have no sons and a woman could never run a business. If you were to marry Louise, you would be my protégé, and after I am gone, the bank would be in your hands."

Wade stared at him, his eyes wide with amazement at such an offer, mixed with such a request. He was speechless.

"You don't have to answer now. Think on it, spend some more time with her, and we will talk later. Why don't you come by for dinner tonight? We will expect you around seven." He lowered his head, as if he was finished with the discussion, and he motioned Wade to the door, with no reply.

Wade exited then stood outside the door, mouth agape, wondering what he had done to deserve such a forceful appeal and a lucrative offer in the same discussion. He looked around the hall at the doors of the other offices, imagining that one of those offices might be his, and the idea intrigued him. He would have a large cherry desk covered with paperwork, walls lined with trinkets and pictures of his wife and children, and a large picture window overlooking the city of Athens. The only hindrance to this vision was the picture of Louise rather than Emily.

He walked down the long hallway and down the stairs to his small desk in the foyer of the bank, lost in thought so that he did not see the customers coming in to the bank. He sat down and picked up his pen, dipped it into the ink well and began working without looking up when he suddenly heard a voice.

"Good morning, Mr. Hamilton." A brilliant smile surrounded by flowing auburn hair stood above him.

His stomach flipped as recognition hit his mind like a thunderbolt. "How can I help you, ma'am?"

"Why, Wade, I told you I would see you again. No matter where you go, I will follow you. Surely you aren't surprised." Alice's green eyes flitted innocently. "Since I will be spending an uncertain amount of time in Athens, I thought I should open an account with you."

Wade acted as though he did not know her, filling out the paperwork, asking questions. He had considered leading her to another banker, but decided against it. He certainly did not want anyone else to know about her or her plans. He avoided conversation, keeping his eyes lowered, avoiding her glances, and making the transactions quickly. "Thank you for your business. I hope you enjoy your stay in Athens." He shook her hand formally, leading her to the front door.

She pulled her hand and elbow away forcefully, threatening to make a scene, "My stay will be successful when you and I are wed." She spit the words at him quietly. "You will see me again." She flounced her skirts out the door without looking back, and Wade sighed a deep breath of relief, alleviated that she said no more.

At that instant, it occurred to him that the only way to circumvent Alice would be matrimony to another. If he did marry Louise, he could further elude Alice, and she could not pursue him further. Throughout the rest of the day, he considered alternative routes of action, and it seemed that no matter which road he took, risks were evident and the positive consequences were few. He had to make a decision, somehow.

Rain pelted him that evening as he rang the bell at the Johnson residence and stood waiting, shifting his weight on either foot and wiggling his fingers with anticipation. He anticipated that the rain would soon turn to snow, for the temperature was dropping quickly, and thick white clouds flooded the sky. The doors opened and the doorman escorted him to the library where Mr. Johnson was waiting for dinner. As they walked to the dining room, the rest of the family met them and greeted him warmly. Wade gazed at Louise with eyes of a potential husband, and saw a different girl than he had seen before. She was lovely.

She seemed to float along the dining room floor like an angel in her fawn dress, fitted to show her form with long folds reaching the floor. Dainty slippers showed from beneath the billowing yards of rich velvet. Her long dark hair was pulled from her face with a mother of pearl clip, and soft curls ran down the length of her back, flowing into the train of her gown trailing behind her. As she greeted Wade, a deep blush ran across her cheeks, and she lowered her eyes demurely, enchanting him. She was seated beside him during dinner, and he was aware that her demeanor had not changed from the night of the party, for she responded to conversation as if the room was full of guests, and her discomfort was obvious.

After dinner, they retreated to the library alone, and Wade wandered around the room, enthralled by the collection of books. Trails of ladders were required to reach the heights of the shelves which were laden with books from the floor to the ceiling. In the middle of the room, tall leather chairs encircled a long mahogany table with lion claw feet where a silver set rested, holding refreshments. Louise immediately poured him a cup of coffee and served him as he walked around, studying titles, awed by the enormous compilation.

"It is overwhelming, is it not?" Louise stood beside him, smiling around her. "This is my favorite room."

"How would you ever read all of these books?" Wade's eyes noted his anticipation.

"I have never tried. I peruse the titles until something strikes as seemingly interesting." Louise poured her own cup of tea then walked to a chair, large enough to engulf her.

Wade followed, sitting across from her. Trepidations of their last meeting slowed his speech, for he was uncertain of how to approach such a lady. "I hope that our last meeting will not taint our future acquaintance, for I hope to learn more of you." Wade blushed, hoping he had not offended her further by his forthright manner.

Yet, there was no change in her expression, and she eyed him with interest. She had never met such a handsome young man who interested her in the slightest, for no other had any concern with books and reading. "I was hoping you would share my sentiment. Although I must admit I was slightly taken aback by your willingness to share such an honest opinion of women, I am delighted to know that we share a common interest." She smiled at him modestly.

Wade felt suddenly comfortable in her presence, as though he knew her intimately, but reservedly as if she was made of precious china, and he was unwilling to taint her with his touch. Her voice was gentle and reassuring, and her emotions were restrained. She seemed to study him as he spoke, listening to every word, watching his gestures, and heeding the intonation of his voice. Her manner seemed almost illusory as she spoke with him, without flirtatious chatter or schematic planning, but with a genuine nature beyond comprehension.

As he walked home that evening, he knew that he could never love as he had loved before, but he could adore her, protect her, and enjoy her presence, fulfilling marriage vows honestly and without regret. The rain had changed to soft falling snow, landing on the ground, covering it like a sparkling white blanket. Wade pulled his woolen coat closer around him and stuffed his hands deep into his pockets. He could hear the crunch under his feet, turning around seeing the footsteps he left on the city of Athens.

His visits to the Johnson's house became more frequent so that he was dining three times a week with the family and spending the evenings with Louise. Their conversation never dulled, and he was thrilled to find that she enjoyed a variety of topics including politics, philosophy, and religion. He had never been able to discuss these topics with another human outside the realm of school, and he appreciated her open opinion on each subject. She challenged him to rethink his values and his opinions that he had always considered to be solid. She disputed his philosophical musings, engaging him in creative discussions that left him reeling with excitement long after he left her presence. She was well-read in all subjects, and she often baited him into fallacious outbursts only to have him examine his motives with deep theoretical questions, making him deliberate every side of an issue.

One evening after discussing the ability of humankind to engage in an act based on purely unselfish motives, he took her hand, noticing her long, thin fingers. He looked into her eyes so like his own and whispered, "May I ask your father for your hand in marriage?"

She ducked her head with embarrassment then replied in her soft voice, "Of course you can." Her eyes flashed with excitement for just a moment, and she lured him into further conversation of motives, not wishing to prolong her discomfort in speaking of personal matters, and he obliged, enjoying her company.

He went directly to her father's office the next morning, expecting Mr. Johnson's blessing, however, when he opened his office door, he stumbled backwards. Sitting in a chair, across from Mr. Johnson sat Alice, bearing her most devilish smile. She looked quite seductive in her scarlet red dress, revealing her lily-white bosom, draped with a shawl hoping to present an air of modesty.

Mr. Johnson stood; crimson faced, and extended his hand toward Wade to direct him to sit beside the evil woman. "Have you met Miss Kellecee?"

"No, sir, I don't believe I have," he answered, tipping his head in greeting.

"Oh. You are so forgetful, Mr. Hamilton! Don't you remember me from Texas? You did propose marriage." She sneered hatefully, yet covered her hatred with a crooked smile.

"You must be thinking of someone else, ma'am, for I have never been to Texas." Wade responded quickly. His stomach churned as the lie settled, turning acidic. He knew his future lie in this meeting, and he would never forfeit his gains for the ruthless monster which stood before him.

Mr. Johnson spoke up, "How did she know your name, Wade?"

"I would imagine from my nameplate on my desk in the foyer. I assure you, Mr. Johnson, that I have never seen this woman before in my life." Wade glanced at Mr. Johnson, searching for signs of belief.

Mr. Johnson sighed heavily, unsure of how to proceed.

Wade continued, "Miss Kellecee, have you been to Savannah lately? I have heard of the outbreak of yellow fever."

"I have, but I have not been in contact with the disease, and if you are implying sir that my accusations are delusional, I am highly offended." Alice cocked her head to the side, daring Wade to continue.

Wade turned to face Mr. Johnson, raising an eyebrow then returned his attention to Alice. "I would never imply such offense. Please forgive me, but I have work to attend to. I hope to meet you again, Miss Kellecee. Hopefully next time it will be under less stressful circumstances."

Mr. Johnson spoke quickly, "Mr. Hamilton, did you need to speak with me?"

"Yes, sir, but it can wait. It is of a personal matter."

Mr. Johnson nodded briefly then addressed Alice, "I apologize for my lack of time, Miss, but I must attend to Mr. Hamilton's needs immediately. Perhaps we can continue this conversation at a later date? I will have my associate see you to the door." Mr. Johnson kissed her hand politely then showed her the door, and although Wade expected a protest, Alice was stunned by the sudden change in events and in Mr. Johnson's demeanor so that she was left speechless. She left the building without retaliation.

Mr. Johnson turned to Wade, eyes blazing. His silver hair glistened against his angry face, quivering slightly. "I am not sure of that woman's intentions or of your innocence. It is of no consequence to me, for she is of no concern. However, Louise will hear nothing of this, nor will she pay for your past sins."

"You have my word."

"Now, you have something you want to discuss?" Mr. Johnson's face relaxed, returning to its normally pallid color.

Wade inhaled deeply, regaining his courage. "Yes sir, I would like to ask for Louise's hand in marriage." Wade stood proudly, his chin held high, expecting rebuke after such a scene with Alice, but Mr. Johnson smiled broadly.

"I am honored to have you for a son-in-law." He fumbled in his desk, searching for some unseen object then rose and handed Wade a piece of paper. "Have you made preparation for your proposal to Louise?"

Wade slowly lowered his head, realizing that he had nothing to offer, no ring, and no funding available for a gem of appropriate size. "No, sir."

"That is not a problem. Take this paper downstairs to a cashier. He will make sure you have ample money to invest in a lovely ring. I would suggest you visit Mr. Barnes. Tell him I sent you, and he will find the perfect ring for Louise. He will be expecting you." Wade took the paper and gawked at the amount written on the paper. He had never seen such an extravagant amount.

"Sir, I don't know how I would ever repay you."

"I will be repaid when I see my child happily married."

Wade thanked him profusely then left to follow his instructions, silently planning his words of proposal, imagining his wedding day and the future with his lovely wife.

Chapter 18

Days upon end had been plagued by dreary rain, and dark skies flurried with thin, streaming clouds passing overhead. Streams turned to warm sprinkles as the sun began to peek through, and bright blossoms slowly opened to reveal vibrant hues of spring. The streets of Atlanta were dimpled with muddy tracks. Wade tiptoed through the ditches left by carriages, taking care not to soil his shoes as he made his way to the church where he would take his vows.

As he entered the building, heart fluttered within his chest. The sanctuary was filled with white magnolias and lilies. He followed the long violet carpet laid along the aisle to the front of the church. Standing in the empty room filled with the aroma of honeysuckle vines weaved in trellises on either side of him, he closed his eyes, imagining his bride and the room full of guests. Louise had been planning this day since December, and he anticipated a beautiful ceremony, executed without blunder. The sanctuary was lovely, and the rehearsal ran smoothly, but most importantly, soon it would be over, and their life would begin.

Too quickly, his peace was interrupted by the sounds of excited guests entering the building, and he walked quickly to the foyer to welcome them. Rhett and Scarlett entered with Cat. As soon as Cat saw Wade, she ran to him with her arms extended, and greeted him warmly, happy to see him again, chattering noisily. Wade greeted each of them, thanking them for attendance, and accepting their congratulations. Members of Louise's family entered and broad smiles exchanged. Finally, Uncle Will and Aunt Suellen arrived, followed by her girls and Wade's sister Ella. He hugged each one tightly, for he had not seen them in ages, and he was exuberant to finally see familiar faces. He walked to Ella quickly and embraced her.

"Wade, this may not be the time..." Ella tried to pull away from him, but he held her even more tightly.

"I'm not upset, Ella. I am glad you wrote the letter and told me. I could have wasted so much time waiting for someone who did not want me. You saved me, and pushed me to find my own way, and I have. I have found a woman who truly loves me, and I love her." Wade bent down and kissed her gently on the cheek then released her quickly to answer a call, completely unaware of her look of confusion.

"What letter?" Ella called after him, but he never heard her, for the ceremony was about to begin.

The long soft tones of the violins began to hum, followed by the sweet whistle of the flutes. Wade gazed towards the door with anticipation. There she was. Floating towards him on her father's arm, an angel dressed in robes of flowing white satin, delicately embroidered with tiny beads. Her veiled face showed no emotion, but he could see her hands tremble as she held her bouquet of lilies sprinkled with violets. Her father placed her hand in Wade's and pulled back her veil to reveal her lovely face, eyes glistening with tears.

They stood hand in hand, and vowed to love, honor, and cherish each other until death, before God, a minister, and witnesses. Then the moment came when he leaned down to kiss her for the first time, lightly sharing his sentiment, feeling the quivering in her lips and the warm drops on his cheeks as her tears began to flow. She smiled lovingly, ensuring him that it was tears of joy which she cried. They turned slowly to face the crowd as the minister pronounced them as husband and wife.

Wade scanned the crowd quickly. Hundreds of people had packed inside the church, most of whom were unfamiliar to him, and he clung to her hand as they walked back down the aisle toward the foyer. For just a moment, they stood in the foyer alone, gripping their entwined fingers, unsure of what to do.

Louise gazed up at him and whispered softly, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Wade responded then bent down and kissed her tenderly, running his finger lightly along the line of her jaw and down her neck.

Suddenly, they were interrupted as lines of guests poured out of the sanctuary, talking and laughing. They stood there, stunned as they shook hands and returned embraces. Each person wishing them well, congratulating them, and looking longingly on the newly wed couple with their lives laid before them, ready to begin a new chapter. Wade's face twisted in horror when the next face in line was surrounded by bundles of auburn curls, and bright green eyes stared up at him.

"Do not worry. Wade, something horrible could always happen to her, and then you will still be mine." Her eyes twinkled with evil, and Wade felt ripples of ice flow down his arms. He kissed the air beside her cheek, and as if she had said nothing, continued along the line. Before long, she had been moved out the door, and though he was relieved that she was out of sight, her evil words rang through his mind, and fear gripped his heart.

Eventually, the crowd began to thin, and Wade and Louise left for the train station. Mr. Johnson had arranged for them to honeymoon in Charleston, and their bags were waiting for them at the train station. Finally, they were alone. The excitement of the moment weighed on them, and as they settled into the train, he watched Louise as she sank back into the seat, leaning her head back, and breathed. He had never seen her relax so casually, releasing herself to touch the back of a chair, yet he knew she was exhausted. He took her fingers in his, and kissed each one in turn then placed her hand back in her lap, undisturbed, and though she smiled at him, he could see the tiredness in her eyes. He patted her arm then tilted his head as though he was going to rest, waiting for her rhythmic breathing to begin then spent the rest of the long trip to Charleston watching her sleep.

They arrived in Charleston much later than he had imagined, and though Louise had visited this city, he had never been in this large city that had been such a stronghold during the civil war, but had since become a major trading port in the country. They walked along the seaside toward their motel. The salty breeze cooled them as they walked hand in hand silently. Wade replayed the past few months over in his mind, reminiscing his moments with Louise, wondering how he got to this place. It happened so fast, and as they walked to their honeymoon destination, nervousness replaced his joy.

Wade carried Louise into the room where they would spend their wedding night then he opened the curtains covering the windows, overlooking the water. The sound of the waves splashing against the shore soothed their anxiety as they stood in the middle of the room, staring at each other. Louise poured cups of tea from the silver tray then took her seat beside the window. Wade sat across from her, gazing at points of light across the water, longing to be one of them.

Louise held her cup in her hands, sipping slowly. Nervously, she lowered her cup from her lips to ask, "What do you suppose we should do now?"

Wade answered, "I have to say that I'm not quite sure." He ducked his head, hiding his reddened face.

"Tell me, then, what do you think those lights are on the ocean?" she smiled shyly.

"I believe they are boats on their way in to dock. It has probably been quite a long day for them, and they are in need of rest and recuperation. They are probably unsure of their way in a new city, and they need some guidance from the lighthouse."

"I imagine you are right. They do need rest and guidance. They might could make their way, but rather than risk trouble tonight, maybe they should wait a day or two, until they are comfortable, possibly." Louise lifted her eyes, hoping that he understood her meaning exactly.

He did understand and agreed with her completely. "Your thoughts seem logical to me." He reached for her hand to comfort her then decided to change the subject and put them both at ease. "So have you reconsidered your position on motivation? You last mentioned that you believed that all motives are impure, and I argued that although motives may have impure notions attached, many can be considered completely unselfish." Wade sipped his tea, winking at her as a signal that it was his turn to bait her into another lively debate, and she responded appropriately. Throughout that night, they danced together with language, discussing their favorite topics which led to debate, but never argument.

In the morning, Wade's eyes fluttered open to find that they had fallen asleep in their chairs and the sun was beginning to rise over the ocean, reflecting brilliant colors in waves. Louise slept soundly across from him, curled in her chair, and as the sunlight reflected from her hair, he realized that he had never seen her look so beautiful. He remained still, staring at her, contemplating the change in their relationship, now that they were husband and wife. He knew they would have to eventually consummate the marriage, but he did not want to think of that now. He only wanted to enjoy her company and watch her sleep.

The next three days were exciting as they ate breakfast served in their room, walked through the city, and spent the evening talking until early the next morning. They walked through the market, enraptured by the bargaining and the baffling variety of wares being showcased. Vendors from across the city opened their tents to offer varieties of meats and vegetables, most of which Wade had never seen. He was enthralled by the numerous sea creatures, and could not imagine eating them. They drank coffee in the sunshine outside of a small café, and visited shops throughout the city. In the evenings, they ate in restaurants serving extravagant dishes and delicious desserts then they retired to their room, continuing their discussion from the night before.

Upon Rhett's request, they decided to visit Rhett's mother's home before departing the lovely city. As they climbed the tall steps to the front door, Wade could feel his knees quiver, for although he had known Rhett his entire life, he had only met Rhett's mother on one occasion, Bonnie's death. The thought of reliving that moment in time terrified him, and he wanted nothing to dampen the spirit of his new bride.

Hesitantly, he grabbed the brass knocker and tapped the door, subconsciously hoping no one would answer. Immediately, the door opened, and he found himself embraced tightly by Mrs. Eleanor Butler, and directly behind her stood Scarlett, Rhett, and Cat. As soon as he was released, Mrs. Butler grabbed Louise and hugged her as Wade was being held by Scarlett and Cat wrapped her arms around his legs. Rhett held out his hand, and Wade immediately let go of his fear, enjoying such a gracious welcome.

Mrs. Butler led them into the sitting room, grinning with excitement. "Louise, darling, I am so happy to meet you. I have heard so much about you from Rhett and Scarlett." She chirped happily, reaching her hand to Rhett, who was standing behind her. He reached down and kissed her cheek then poured them each a cup of tea from the silver set, intricately engraved with beautiful designs. "And Wade, it has been such a long time since I have seen you. You have grown into a fine young man." She gazed at him lovingly, remembering their last meeting. He had been so young and wan, miserable in his childhood and thrown into such a wretched situation.

"Thank you, Mrs. Butler," Wade replied.

"Rhett how did you raise such a stunning young man?" Mrs. Butler cooed.

Rhett faltered for a moment then replied, "I have to admit, I don't know that I had much influence. He has hid father's bravery and his mother's strength. His father was a Civil War hero, mother, and he obviously inherited his character. He has turned out to be a fine boy. Scarlett and I are both proud. Aren't we darling?" Rhett turned to Scarlett for agreement, but found her attention completely focused on Cat. "Right, Scarlett?" he repeated.

Scarlett looked up from Cat, baffled, "Yes, Rhett darling. We are certainly proud." She turned her focus to Louise, "And we are certainly proud that he found such a lovely wife."

Louise smiled, "Thank you."

Mrs. Butler jumped back into the conversation, "I hope you plan on having children soon. I know that I am not your biological grandmother, but I do hope that you will consider allowing me to play the role of great-grandmother." She raised her brows hopefully.

Scarlett responded for them, "They do not plan on having children for quite some time. Wade must finish college first. He only has one more year. Am I correct, Wade?"

"Actually, mother, I have another two years to finish, and Louise and I have not discussed when we will have children. I am afraid that is a rather personal decision." He directed his comment to his mother, warning her to keep her opinions to herself.

She did not heed his warning, though, "Of course, you must wait. Louise, you will need to keep an eye on Wade. He tends to speak curtly at times, but I am sure you know how to control him, and if not, you will within time. Besides, you will make a wise decision about children. It will be you, after all, that will care for the children. Wade has never been around children, and not having a father will certainly hamper his ability to care for little ones."

Louise stared at Scarlett, unaware of her expression which showed a combination of dismay and alarm at such comments made by Wade's mother.

The uncomfortable silence was quickly interrupted by Rhett, "That's quite enough Scarlett. Wade is a grown man, and he can make his own decisions, and he can also hold his tongue when appropriate, which is more than I can say for his mother." He glared at Scarlett, daring her to continue. He would not stand for her to ruin Wade's happiness, and he would step in to shelter Wade from Scarlett's hurtful words at any moment. He turned to see Louise's shocked face, and quickly changed the subject. "Louise, have you ever been sailing?"

Louise faced Rhett, changing her expression from horror to relief, "No, I have never been."

"Good. We are planning a sailing trip tomorrow, and we would love for the two of you to join us." Rhett smiled, encouraging Louise to agree, but she simply nodded, waiting for Wade to respond. She looked toward Wade, sitting beside her seething with rage.

Wade sat there, feeling blindsided. He glared at his mother, looking for any changes in her, but seeing none. He had hoped that time and her newest quest in motherhood might have changed her, but just as her skin remained unblemished by lines, and her hair remained black with no signs of grey, her attitude remained unchanged as well. She still felt the need to belittle him, manipulate him, and control his every move. He rose from his seat, unwilling to continue the conversation. He had no intention of going sailing with that woman.

"No thank you, Rhett." Wade held his hand to Mrs. Butler, "Thank you for your kind hospitality." He tipped his head to her, bending low in a graceful bow then rose to exit the room. "Mother," he quipped sharply, as he reached for the door.

Louise slipped from her seat quietly following him, "Thank you Mrs. Butler. I hope to see you again, soon. Your home is lovely. Good-bye Rhett, Scarlett, and Cat. I hope our next meeting is longer." She scurried behind Wade, not to be left alone with Scarlett and her sharp tongue.

Rhett loped behind them to the front door, leaving the ladies sitting in awkward silence. As Wade and Louise opened the door, beams of sunlight streamed into the dark hallway. Rhett caught them and pleaded, "Wade, do not leave in this manner."

Wade turned to Rhett, eyes blazing with rage, unable to speak.

"Wade, come with us tomorrow. I promise Scarlett will be on her best behavior."

Wade spat through his clenched teeth, "Do you expect me to bring my bride on a boat with that woman with no means of escape? I have expected Mother to change for much too long, and I have been disappointed every time. Never again, never again will I step foot on the same floor as that woman." Wade turned briskly, laid his hand on Louise's back, guiding her to the street.

Walking down the street toward the motel, Louise considered the events that had just taken place. She was disturbed at Wade's startling reaction, for she had never seen him angry. She could not understand his delay at speaking to his mother in his own defense or his deliberate refusal to speak to her as he left. Then his angry words as they left mystified her, for she had never experienced discord in her own family.

Finally, she spoke, "Wade, you have not said much about your mother. Why do you hate her?"

Wade continued silently, stunned at her accusation of hatred. Mammy had warned him of hatred, but he had never classified his feelings as hatred. He was certainly angry with her, for each time he showed the slightest hint of opening himself to her, presenting himself as vulnerable, she swept in like a vulture, ready to devour him. She penetrated the depths of his soul with her spiteful words and manipulation.

He responded slowly, "I do not hate her." He continued walking, reaching toward Louise's hand, but she pulled it away, stopping him in his tracks.

"We can never have complete understanding if we do not talk." She stood still in the middle of the road, refusing to move until he spoke.

"Let us walk, darling. Please do not allow the actions of my mother to cause disharmony," Wade pleaded with her. She relented and he continued, "I do not hate her. From the moment of my first memory, she has been a cause of distress. She has never made time to understand or love me, and she has done everything in her power to cause me pain. She has manipulated me, bribed me, lied to me, and ignored me for years. She has tried numerous times to ruin my life and any chance of recovery. I have spent years cleaning up her mess, rebuilding my life without her, and helping others left in her destructive path." Wade turned to look at Louise, holding her hand firmly, gently stroking her cheek. "I know that you do not need my protection, but I will not allow her to hurt you, and I have found that the only way I can shelter you from her and from my reaction to her is complete avoidance."

Louise nodded in understanding, "I am sorry. I never knew that you had such a rough childhood." She lowered her head, hiding her tears.

"I have often tried to make amends with her, but each time I try, she destroys any hope." Wade paused, "Louise, I have everything I could ever need in you. We do not need her interference in our lives or in the lives of our future children. I want peace, and if that means life without my mother, I am willing to make that sacrifice. Are you?"

Louise nodded again, holding her fist to her mouth, afraid of her own anger with a mother who could cause her son so much pain that he would be willing to deny his children the knowledge of their grandmother. "I am, darling. Let's have dinner." Wade smiled at his bride, grateful for such an understanding woman by his side.

They settled themselves in the corner of the restaurant. Dinner was served with light conversation, as they stole daring glances at each other across the table. The food was excellent, but Wade was beginning to miss Suellen's cooking and the familiar surroundings of Tara and Athens, but he did not dare mention these things for fear of disappointing Louise. She loved this city, and he wanted to prolong her excitement for as long as possible. Deep down, he was unsure of his ability to make her happy in their routine life, for when he searched his heart; he knew that he did not really know her.

After dinner, they sauntered up the stairs to their room and hesitantly entered. Each night they had slept in their chairs by the window, but tonight felt different. Louise entered first, and with her face covered, she murmured, "I think it is time."

Wade slowly crept in behind her and wrapped his arms around her, nestling his face in her hair, fearful of seeing her face. She turned to look up at him, her love showing clearly in her eyes, innocent fear of his rejection and his touch showed plainly, but determination won. He kissed her gently, unsure of his movements.

She left him for a moment, and when she returned, her face was stoic, as if she were bracing herself for the worst. He asked, "Are you sure? There is really no hurry, for we have a lifetime." He desperately hoped she would change her mind, but she smiled numbly and nodded.

She crossed to him and took his face in her hands and expressed, "I love you. I want to experience the world with you." She closed her eyes as he leaned towards her, feeling his breath on her neck, chills ran down her spine and excitement spread through her body. Slowly, she gave herself up to passion as she felt his hands explore her body. She had never felt another person's touch, and she trembled, pressing herself to him. His hands fumbled with her nightgown, following his instincts, hoping he would not fail her.

Together, they crossed into another world, an unknown world where only they existed. Unaware of time or circumstance, they found each other, connecting and becoming as one. They held each other without shame, exhausted and emotionally spent.

As their eyes began to close, Louise whispered softly, "I want to go home."

Wade sighed with relief and promised they would leave the next morning.

The next morning, Wade and Louise slipped out of town without saying goodbye to any of Wade's family. Louise sent a telegram to her father, warning him of their early return then they boarded the train for Athens. It seemed as if they were the only passengers on the train as they whispered softly the words of ardent lovers. Wade held Louise's fingers gently, caressing them tenderly and holding her eyes with his own. Remembering their last encounter, his face reddened, and he could feel warmth creep on his neck. With one look at his wife, he became enraptured in her beauty, and all embarrassment fled. He felt united with her as he had never connected with another human. Joy as he had never known lit on him, and he gave himself over to contentment.

As soon as they exited the train, Wade recognized a new atmosphere in the city of Athens. Although the streets and shops remained the same, a feeling of renewal blew through the hot, dry air. The sun seemed to shine a little brighter, and the citizens welcomed them home with enthusiasm. Mr. Johnson greeted them at the station with his buggy and drove them through the town. Wade was slightly confused, for they were heading directly away from his apartment and from the Johnson home.

"Wade, Louise, I have a surprise for you," Mr. Johnson grinned cheerfully.

Louise clapped with excitement. "Tell us, Papa!"

"Just wait and see." Mr. Johnson avoided slyly. They rode along in silence, but Wade was hardly patient. His heart beat quickly as he wondered about the surprise. Finally, they pulled up in front of an erected frame of a house, and Mr. Johnson announced, "Here it is!"

Wade stared at the structure, confused.

"This is going to be your home." Mr. Johnson gazed at Wade and Louise as they hopped out of the carriage and ran to where the front door would soon stand. They hugged each other then ran back to Mr. Johnson. As Louise embraced her father, Wade thanked him emphatically. He had no idea that they would be returning to find their home being built, and a new sense of freedom overcame him.

It was an appropriately small home for a new couple. Mr. Johnson described the plans in detail as they walked through the standing beams. On the first floor, there would be an elegant entrance with doors leading to a sitting room, a dining room leading to the kitchen, and a library which Mr. Johnson assured them would be fully stocked with plenty of reading material. The second floor would hold the guest rooms, the master bedroom, and the nursery. Though the sun shone through the open beams overhead, they could imagine their completed home, and began making plans for their first dinner guests and their evenings alone. Louise had been anticipating her first home for years, and Wade basked in her lovely glow as she looked over the structure, for in her mind, she could imagine every corner. It would be exquisitely charming.

They turned back, walking towards the carriage, and Louise tucked her hands into the arms of her favorite men walking on either side of her. The smile on her face showed her excitement, and Wade could feel her hands trembling. "When will it be complete Papa?" Louise asked as they walked slowly back to the carriage.

"It should be done in a couple of months. We were not expected the two of you to return from your honeymoon so quickly," Mr. Johnson stated almost questioningly. He didn't dare ask, though, for fear of intrusion, and the young couple did not care to share their reasoning. "How do you intend to spend the rest of your summer? Wade, you did not enroll in summer classes did you?"

Wade answered, "No sir, I have taken a hiatus for the summer."

"We have temporarily filled your position at the bank, so you will need to fill your summer months," Mr. Johnson addressed Wade. "Do you have any plans?"

Wade raised his eyebrows, unsure of any future plans, for he and Louise had not discussed their plans.

Upon seeing his reaction, Mr. Johnson decided to change the subject. "I hope you don't mind, Wade, I have taken the liberty of having your things from your apartment to the guest bedroom in our home. Although you will not be in the same room, you will at least be in the same house." Mr. Johnson lifted Louise into the carriage then tended to the horse as Wade climbed into the buggy beside her. They rose in silence until they reached the Johnson home.

Mrs. Johnson greeted them warmly when they arrived. She welcomed them home, exclaiming their healthy glow, and she showed Wade his room. Then they retreated to the dining room for supper, where Louise talked animatedly about their trip, omitting the details of their visit with Scarlett. She secretly wished to forget his mother's existence for she wanted nothing to spoil her memories of their honeymoon.

That evening, once the rest of the family had retired, Wade and Louise sat in the library, silently contemplating their sleeping arrangements and their plans for the summer. Wade could not envision spending even one night away from her, but he understood her father's discomfort with them sharing a room. He decided to speak of his uneasiness, "Louise, I cannot fathom spending one night without you by my side."

Louise nodded, biting her lip. "It would be horrific to spend the summer without you, but my father..."

"Let's visit Tara for the summer. I would love to show you my home, and I think you will love Tara just as I do," Wade asked, hoping desperately that she would concede.

She longed to be with him, but nervousness showed on her face as she considered spending more time with his family. "Will your mother be there?"

Wade laughed, "No. she will spend the summer at Rhett's, and my aunt and uncle are quite different than my mother." He smiled at her, lovingly, for he understood her fear. If Scarlett was going to be at Tara, he would not have suggested the visit, but he knew that Aunt Suellen would love Louise, and she would take her under her wings, spending time with her, treating her as one of the family.

She sighed with relief, "That sounds wonderful. Shall we leave tomorrow? Is that too early? Will you need to write them, asking permission?"

"We shall leave first thing tomorrow," Wade held out his hands to her. She rose to touch his hand then quickly sat back down, remembering that they were not alone in the house. They talked late into the night as Wade described every detail of Tara and his family. By the time they climbed the stairs to their rooms, Louise felt that she knew them intimately, and she could not wait to fall in love with the place that Wade loved so dearly. They each lay awake that night, staring at the ceiling, wishing they were in each other's arms rather than separated by several walls, experiencing the distance that makes the heart grow fonder.

Chapter 19

Blistering heat radiated on Wade, Louise, and Will as they made their way towards Tara on the road from Jonesboro. Trees were in full bloom, green from the recent showers that had blessed the land and created deep ruts in the road. Louise sat on the front bench on the wagon, feeling nauseated and exhausted from the long train ride and the jolting wagon, but she stared at the beautiful countryside, for it was even more magnificent than Wade had described, and she waited anxiously to see the grand house that he had lavished with such praise. As they moved along the road to Tara, Will talked on about the planting and the success with the newborn calves, and Wade noticed the magnolia trees weighted down with large blossoms of soft white petals. Peace swept over him with the gentle breeze that cooled the scorching sun, and he suddenly realized how terribly he had missed his home, and he also realized sadly that he would not see his home as often once their home in Athens was completed.

Family members poured from the house as soon as they heard the wagon jolting and sloshing on the road to Tara. Aunt Suellen and her three girls waved furiously, yelling greetings from the porch, and Wade stood in the back of the wagon, waving at them. As soon as the wagon stopped, he hopped down and ran to the porch to grab Suellen around the waist, hugging her fiercely and spinning her in circles then he hugged each of the girls in turn.

He looked around, "Where is Ella?" Wade inquired. He desperately wanted to speak with her again. She was probably worried that there would be hard feelings because of her letter about Emily, but he wanted to let her know that his life had taken a wonderful turn, and though he had tried to tell her that at the wedding, it did not seem as if they had enough time.

Suellen waved her hand, "She is around here somewhere. We do not see her very often now that she has a new beau."

Wade's brows furled, "Is she without escort?"

Aunt Suellen's face turned sour, "What kind of person do you take me for? Of course she has an escort! Prissy is with them. Now, what are you doing leaving your wife in the wagon? Get her up here."

Wade ran back to the wagon to help Louise down then led her up the steps to be welcomed by clamoring hands and welcoming squeals from the girls. Suellen immediately grabbed Louise's hand and dragged her into the house exclaiming that she looked a little peaked after such a long journey. Wade followed Will to the barn to unhitch the horse and check on the cattle.

Once they were alone, Will spoke without looking at Wade, "I don't suspect you need me to tell you what to do, but it might be a good idea to avoid the Fontaine's while you are here."

Wade looked surprised, "Why would I want to do that?"

Will stopped grooming the horse and stared at Wade as if he had never met such a gruesome human. "You don't want Louise and Emily to meet do you? You did not treat Emily very fairly."

"I did not treat her fairly? I think we have things a little backwards don't you?" Wade exclaimed feeling offended.

Will went back to the horse, bringing in water and rubbing his tired muscles. "I am not one to judge. I am sure you made the decision that you thought was best for both of you, but you must keep in mind that Emily is not sharing in your bliss."

"Is her own marriage not blissful?" Wade tried not to smirk bitterly, but he had to admit that he was slightly pleased that she had not found happiness so easily after breaking his heart.

Will stopped again, scrunching his face with confusion. "She is not married, son."

Blood drained from Wade's face, and he felt the world spin around him. "Ella wrote a letter, and she said everyone knew about Emily's marriage to Mr. Hayes. Did you not know? How did you not know?"

"Emily did not marry Mr. Hayes, and I cannot imagine why Ella would write such a thing, for she knows that isn't true. Ella spends almost every day with Emily." Will stared at Wade, suddenly understanding Wade's actions, remorseful that he had mentioned the subject.

"I have to find Ella!" Wade ran from the barn, screaming Ella's name, but when he did not see her, he returned to the barn, mounted Silver and asked Will where to find her. Will gave directions to the small house on a plot of land down the road, and Wade headed in that direction, riding swiftly.

As he headed down the road, he met Ella on the way, walking beside Prissy, lost in thought. He halted quickly, dropping to the ground in front of her. Ella grabbed him around the neck and squeezed him roughly. When she backed away, her face glowed brilliantly with happiness that he had never seen before. He held her hand tightly, not wanting to shatter her joy, but needing to know the truth.

"Ella," he began slowly, "tell me about the letter that you wrote last year."

Ella's face fell swiftly, "Wade, I do not know what you are talking about. I tried to stop you at the wedding to ask, but you were terribly busy."

Wade began to feel dizzy again and his chest constricted tightly. Floundering for words, he spoke, "I received a letter last year that was signed with your name. It said that Emily had married Mr. Hayes and that I should find someone else and move on with my life. The letter said that everyone knew about the affair." He found his voice and soon the words were flowing quickly.

Emily's face turned pale, "Oh Wade, I never wrote such a thing and it isn't true." Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she realized the pain that he must have endured.

Wade lost his balance and fell to the ground, burying his head in his knees. When he raised his head to look at Ella, she saw that his eyes were rimmed with red. "I wrote to her every day, but she never wrote back." He dropped his head again letting the tears flow freely. He felt as if he was reliving his loss all over again, and the pain was just as intense.

Ella fell to his side, wrapping her arms around him. Suddenly her arms dropped as realization flowed through her. She raised herself from the ground and stiffened her back. "Wade, stand up. I have to tell you something." Wade looked up from the ground, but refused to stand or even move. "Wade stand up, now. This is important."

Wade slowly stood, holding Silver's reins for support. "What is it that could be so important now?"

"After you left, Mother spent almost every day at the Fontaine's home." Ella took a deep breath, closing her eyes then continued, "She must have intercepted your letters. Tell me, Wade, what did the handwriting look like?" Wade stumbled, not know how to respond. "Wade, answer me! Tell me what it looked like!"

Wade shrugged, "I do not know how to describe the writing. It had swirls and flourishes throughout. Why do you ask?"

Ella threw her hand sin the air and balled her fists as she dropped them to her sides. "That is Mother's handwriting! How could you not know that? My handwriting is very tiny and without any flourishes whatsoever. Did you not compare our signatures?"

Wade's mouth flew open, "I never even considered that such a thing could happen." His face turned red with anger and indignance. Once again, his mother had orchestrated a huge lie. "I did not think to compare signatures. That was the last thing I could think of. I could only think of losing Emily." His voice began to waver as he understood the wholeness of the situation. He had lost, once again.

"I see, and I understand. Let us continue walking. You must pull yourself together." Ella took his hand and led him down the road. Wade followed along like a small child unable to find his way. "We will not discuss this any further, for I will take care of mother. You have a new wife, and you must pull yourself together before we reach the house." Ella sniffed and pulled her face in different directions, as if she were removing signs of stress and replacing them with strength. "Wade, you must put this out of your mind, for you cannot change the past, but look to the future. We will avoid Emily until I have the chance to talk to her, but Louise should never know of this, for it would break her heart." Ella dropped Wade's hand, and they walked the rest of the way to the house in silence.

When they got back to the house, Wade looked around for Louise and found that she had gone to their room to rest for a while. Suellen was in the kitchen, an apron wrapped around her waist, and her thin curls clung around her damp face as they wriggled free from the twist on the back of her neck. She raced around the kitchen, expertly cooking several dishes at once, but stopped short as soon as she saw Wade enter.

"Wade, honey you look as thin and pale as your lovely wife. I am cooking a huge supper as we speak. By the time the two of you leave I will have you looking healthy again. I don't think the city air is very good for either of you." Suellen smiled cheerfully then continued cooking.

Wade watched her as she efficiently cooked supper for eight people as easily as if she were cooking for two. As he continued watching her, he admired her deeply for although she did not have the beautiful clothes of a lady and she worked with her hands as no lady should, she held her head and shoulders straight. She was trustworthy and loving, just as he had pictured the perfect mother. He hoped that when he and Louise became parents, Louise would love her children just as Suellen loved hers.

Gathering his courage, he asked, "Suellen, did you know anything about a letter that supposedly came from Ella? The author wrote that Emily had married Mr. Hayes and prompted me to find another love."

Suellen's mouth gaped with mock surprise. "I have never heard of such a thing. Who could have written such a thing?" She continued working, avoiding Wade's eyes.

"I am not sure who would have written the letter. Ella said that she did not write it." Wade paused, considering whether to ask her advice. His curiosity was overwhelming, and he decided to ask, "Will advised me to avoid Emily, and Ella said that I should talk to her. What do you think?"

Suellen continued to avoid his glance, for although she was convinced that she had done the right thing, a surge of guilt ran through her body. "I think you should stay away from her. The only thing that would happen is that you would cause her more pain, and your visit would reopen old wounds." She kept working her hands flying over pots and pans. "Wade, you have a lovely wife. Concentrate on her, and leave the past alone."

Wade stared at her curiously, for it seemed as if Ella had said the exact same thing. He wondered at the similarity of their speech patterns, but pushed the thought aside, for Suellen had practically been a mother to Ella for many years. Of course they would think the same and speak similarly. He nodded to her then walked out of the kitchen and back toward the barn. He had not seen Silver since he had returned, and he wanted to check on him.

When he reached Silver, he saw how the horse had aged since he had seen him last. His coat had lightened considerably. He stood straight and tall with thick muscles rippling beneath his coat. Silver immediately turned to him, recognizing Wade immediately and reached to nuzzle his neck. Wade held out his hand to stroke him, remembering their trip through the plains. They had been companions on a mission to rescue Emily, and now that operation seemed like so far ago and such a loss. He had risked his life to save a woman that he had lost in the end. His heart embittered as he thought of Emily and his love for her. Now he was married to someone else, a woman that he held dear and respected, but without passion. He had been tricked, deceived, and led down a path he had never envisioned. At one time, Will had told him that he could choose his own destiny, but that had been a lie, another to add to the long list of lies he had been told.

The next few weeks at Tara flew by quickly as Wade and Louise basked in the pampering of Aunt Suellen. Wade helped Will work in the fields during the day, and his skin became tan, glowing with the kisses of the sun. His muscles became hard and rippling, and each day he gained energy and strength. Louise blossomed in the country air. Color returned to her face, and Aunt Suellen's cooking had put some weight on her body. They spent time together each day walking the fields and surveying the land. They strolled hand in hand along the banks of the creek, picnicking beside the water, and talking for hours. Louise was fascinated by this side of Wade for she had never seen him in his natural element, and she could see his passion for the land. She watched his face light up with enthusiasm as he talked of his plans for the crops, and his work when he was a child. They walked through the house, inspecting every corner as Wade told stories of his childhood from the day they escaped the burning of Atlanta until he left for Athens. He introduced her to the painting of his great grandmother Robillard and told her of his own grandfather that he only knew in passing. He showed her all of the hiding places he had sought and related the horrid dreams of Yankee soldiers, and his act of bravery when they tried to take his sword.

She often thought of their life in the country, and the thoughts were lovely. She felt fulfilled in this area, surrounded by nature, trees, and the red dirt that yielded according to his work. She enjoyed her moments with Suellen, cooking and cleaning, for she had never done such work. She considered the experience quite educational as well, for she had often heard stories of plantation belles, but Suellen seemed unlike the women portrayed in the stories. Suellen had been trained as a belle, but she had the gumption to change when her surroundings had changed, adapting to her new situation, and taking care of responsibilities that would have never been hers. Louise felt peaceful as the family gathered for evening prayers, and she quickly learned the responses to Suellen's serene murmurs. By the end of the day, she was exhausted, but exuberant to lie beside Wade, feeling his arms around her.

Wade began to notice great changes in Louise. She was no longer peaked and pale and she had begun to gain a slight amount of weight, filling out her figure. She was energized and talkative. He had never seen her so expressive during dinner in Athens, for she had never felt comfortable in her role as an heiress to a fortune, but at Tara, she was one of the family, a contributor to the daily work. She felt accepted as an individual, and she could be herself without judgment. He noticed that she began acting rather peculiar after they had been at Tara for about a month. She began to leave in the middle of the night much more frequently and she began to leave the dinner table, returning with a green pallor on her face, without explanation. One evening when she left during the middle of dinner, he followed her out of the house and around the corner where he heard her retching horribly.

He ran to her, terribly worried, but she hid her face, embarrassed that she had been seen. She begged him to leave her alone, but he refused. "Louise, darling, what is wrong? Are you ill?"

Her face stretched in embarrassment, "Please, Wade, I do not want you to see me like this. Please leave, and I will check with Suellen later. I do not want to upset her right now, for I am sure that the food has not made me ill. I have been getting sick quite often lately. Just leave me alone." Louise turned from him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and crossing her arms across her chest. Wade turned to leave, but hid silently around the corner of the house, for he was determined not to leave her alone in this condition.

Once she was sure that he was gone, she began the long walk back to the house, but as she turned the corner, she caught sigh of him waiting for her. She reached out her hand slightly then closed her eyes as she slumped to the ground. He ran to her fearfully, but she was unconscious, and as he reached to slide his arm under her legs, her head rolled easily in his other arm. He picked her up and loped to the house, quickly, yelling for Suellen as he entered the house. He climbed the stairs easily with Louise in his arms and laid her on the bed, easily, adjusting her head so that she was lying on the pillow.

When Suellen reached their room, she saw him loosening her stays, and removing her shoes. He sat beside her, wiping the hair away from her face and waving a fan over her, trying desperately to cool her. Suellen looked over Louise and asked Wade what had happened. As he relayed the details, Louise began to open her eyes slowly. She reached out her hand to Wade and smiled at him gently.

"I am sorry to scare you darling. I just got awfully warm. Please finish your dinner, and I will return in a few minutes. I am just going to lie here and rest for a few minutes." Louise closed her eyes briefly then opened them, hoping he was no longer in the room.

Suellen persuaded Wade, "Go finish your supper, Wade. I will stay here with her. We need to talk for a bit, and I will tell you when you can return." Wade reluctantly obeyed, for his heart rattled with distress.

When he had gone, Suellen looked at Louise and felt of her head. There was no fever. She had kept an eye on her, for she knew that she had been experiencing changes and quite a bit of morning sickness, but she had been steadily gaining weight and she still had plenty of color in her face. "Louise, honey, listen to me. I have been aware of your condition, for I have been through it several times. Is there any way that you could be with child? I mean, have you and Wade..." She blushed and turned away.

Louise's eyes remained closed. She was afraid of Suellen's reaction, afraid that it would be similar to Scarlett's sentiments about them having children so soon after their wedding. She tried to avoid the conversation, but Suellen insisted, and finally she answered, "Yes, Suellen, I am afraid that we have, and I am sure that I am." She turned toward the wall, hoping to avoid Suellen's wrath.

Suellen leapt from the bed, clapping her hands with joy. "Oh, I am so happy for you!" She leaned over Louise, hugging her tightly then stood and clapped again. "Have you told Wade? He is going to be elated! He will make such a wonderful father, and you are going to make a loving, devoted mother. I know this seems daunting, now my dear, but soon you will see that this will only increase your love and secure your marriage." Suellen skipped through the room, giggling with glee.

Louise sat up and watched Suellen, completely surprised by her reaction. She had been sure that Suellen would have been angry, but this was a complete surprise. She was happy! Louise grinned and joined Suellen in her jig then quickly sat again when she felt the world spinning. "Could you send Wade in here? I need to talk with him." Louise asked when Suellen had calmed.

"Of course, dear," Suellen left swiftly, flying down the stairs.

Wade entered the room gingerly afraid of Louise's appearance, but when he saw that she was sitting he rushed to her side, holding her hand. He was terrified at the thought of losing her, and concerned with her sickness.

Louise began speaking, keeping her eyes lowered, for speaking these words were even more difficult than the scene she knew Wade had seen only moments before. "Suellen and I are sure that we know the cause of my sickness." She searched Wade's face, hoping he knew without her words, but saw his knitted brows and knew that he was oblivious to her condition. "We are going to have a child." She faced him, searching his eyes for reaction to her words.

Wade held still, not comprehending her words. They seemed like a foreign language, and he did not know how to react. He was excited at the prospect of being a father, but unsure of his role and his ability. He began to tremble slightly as he watched tears roll down Louise's face. He could not determine the cause of her tears, and he reached to hold her as she sobbed. "Why are you crying? Is this not wonderful news?"

Louise pulled away from him, trying to understand his meaning. "I think it is, but you do not look pleased. Are you sorry?"

"Of course not, I am joyful! This is astonishing, just unexpected. He touched her face, running his fingers slowly along the side of her face then kissed her gently, continuing long and slow, tasting her lips as if she were a cool drink of water in the desert. He opened his eyes and asked, "So are you ill? Do we need to go home?"

She smiled, "No, not yet. Let us wait until the end of summer. I am not ill, for the sickness will eventually pass, but you must not follow me again, please." She pleaded with her huge brown eyes, batting them softly.

"I will make sure that I am twenty paces behind, for I desire to grant your wish, but I cannot have my wife and child lying unconscious on the ground, and I must be within reach if you faint again," He stated firmly, leaving no room for debate. He held her again, breathing a long sigh of relief. He realized at that moment that he was completely devoted to her. Although he had lost Emily, and the pain was still fresh in his memory, nothing could replace this moment with Louise. He loved her, and he would do nothing to cause her grief. He would stay away from Emily and push her far from his mind, leaving the past behind and pushing toward the future.

They stayed at Tara until the first part of August, for fall classes were starting soon, and his position at the bank would be open, and he was expected to return. Wade regretted having to leave, and hoped that Louise would offer to stay at Tara, but she never did. She loved Tara, the family, and their life, but she often thought of their new home and she craved the long evening talks that had been much more difficult to maneuver because of the populated house at Tara. She missed her mother, and needed her especially during this time.

As Will pulled away from the house to drive them to the train station at Jonesboro, Wade felt the tug at his heart as if he were leaving his home for the last time. He memorized every corner and detail of the house, knowing that he would not see it again for some time, if ever. He squelched his tears, but he could feel his heart ripping as they moved further. Finally, he dragged his eyes away, focusing on the road ahead of them, refusing to look back and feel more agony.

Chapter 20

They were pleased to find Mr. and Mrs. Johnson waiting for them at the train station in Athens. Very quickly, their bags were loaded onto the carriage, and they were headed toward their new home as Mr. Johnson announced that it was finished. It still needed a few finishing touches, but they had left the minor details to be finished by Louise so that everything would look just as she had envisioned. Wade discovered on the way that as a young child, Louise had been interested in architecture and had designed this very house. Of course her plans were rough, but Mr. Johnson had found someone who could take those drawings and turn them into master plans. They were going to live in the dream house that Louise had designed, and pride swelled through Wade's heart.

Before they arrived, Louise could barely contain herself. She peeked around her mother, trying to see the house from a distance, and as they pulled up, Wade was amazed at the difference that had taken place in only a couple of months. A bright red door hung in the middle of a white house with red shutters on either side of the windows. Beneath each window grew rose bushes yielding red roses. Wade lifted Louise from the carriage as she covered her mouth with her hands, hiding her incredulous smile, and as they opened the gate to the white picket fence surrounding the house, one of Mrs. Johnson's maids opened the front door. Louise ran to her and hugged her then proceeded to wander through the house which had been carefully filled with furniture purposely chosen by Mrs. Johnson to Louise's specifications.

Throughout the house pieces of furniture ordered from New York were perfectly arranged. Delicate female touches were contrasted with articles of masculine line and color. White walls were crisp and clean, yet softened by bowls of fresh magnolias and small accents of pale pink and mint green. Their favorite room held books of innumerable topics from the ceiling to the floor surrounded by mahogany paneling and dark red leather chairs, and on the middle of the coffee table sat a silver serving set, the one from The Johnson home. Wade quickly found the law books from his own library, and Louise excitedly planned her next reading exercises. After they had made their way through the downstairs rooms, they headed for the nursery. The walls were covered with pale yellow paper with small white flowers, and the room was filled with a tall crib, an armoire, a large rocking horse and rocking chair. It was perfectly suited for the child they would welcome in just a few months. Wade wondered whether Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were aware of their impending grandparenthood, but he did not have to wonder long.

Upon entering the room, Louise turned to her mother, "It is perfect, mother."

Mrs. Johnson laughed loudly and threw her arms around Louise and asked, "How long will it be before you can use this room?"

Louise grinned broadly and rubbed her hands in circles around her enlarging tummy. "I believe it will be here in February."

Mrs. Johnson jumped with joy. "Oh Louise I had no idea it would be this soon!"

Mr. Johnson entered the room, "What is all the excitement about?"

Louise and Mrs. Johnson exclaimed together, "We are having a baby!"

Mr. Johnson's face turned stone white. He turned to Wade with a stern look then left the room without saying a word.

Louise dropped her head then searched her mother's face for explanation. Mrs. Johnson turned to follow her husband for she knew his fear, but sensing Louise's disappointment, she spoke, "He is just worried, my dear. I had a terrible time and almost died with each of you girls. He hoped that you would not endanger yourself as well, but I have told him that you are much stronger than I was. You will be fine, dear." Mrs. Johnson patted Louise's face and smiled, but a dark look crossed her eyes before she left the room.

Wade inched to Louise's side then drew her in his arms. He saw the look in her mother's eyes, and worry pattered its way through his chest, but he held her firmly. "Everything will be fine darling. You know that once he sees his darling grandson, he will be perfectly happy and at ease."

Louise smacked him playfully on the chest, "And just how do you know it will be a boy?" Her eyes glistened with the thought of a son, for she also knew it would be a boy, and she had been throwing names around in her mind for quite some time.

"I have my ways. Now, let's go down and feed the little tike before he starts throwing fits and making you sick." Wade picked her up and turned her in a circle setting her down gently.

They walked downstairs to find that Mrs. Johnson had already hired a cook and supper had been prepared. They sat at the long cherry table talking of their extended honeymoon, and though Louise resorted to her quiet manner, she managed to verbally illustrate Tara in great detail, speaking kindly of its inhabitants and describing the land in a perfect account. After a long evening, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson left reluctantly and Wade and Louise retired to the library where they studied the large, beautiful room in silence. There were so many books, and though Wade could not imagine reading all of them, he perused the titles, smiling with anticipation. Finally, they seated themselves in the large chairs, and began a long discussion. Within a few minutes, Louise began to yawn and her eyes began to droop, and though she fought sleep, she finally succumbed. Wade picked her up gently and carried her to bed.

The next few days began slowly, but became a mad rush as he began his college courses and his work at the bank. He longed for the lazy days of summer, but threw himself into his work, anticipating the moment he would arrive home, where Louise would greet him warmly, showing him progress that had been made on the house. Wade had considered the house in perfect order when he first arrived, but each day, he found that she and her mother had made improvements beyond what he could have imagined. There were new spots of color, intricate details which made so much difference, yet would not have been noticed on their own accord, adding to the character of their home.

They entertained often, people of the city, coworkers in the bank, students from the university, and Louise's parents, but they soon learned that they preferred their evenings alone. For as much as Louise enjoyed showing her new home, she much preferred Wade's company to any others, and guests became fewer. After only a few months, guests were socially unacceptable for Louise's belly had become considerably larger, and to show herself in that condition would have been considered taboo. She stayed inside, enjoying her solitude, and Wade rushed home every evening to spend each moment with her.

Wade was especially protective of her, for he had noticed more changes in her than just her physical growths. She had become increasingly weary, and her morning sickness had not yet ceased. The baby was not due for another two months, but her small frame had borne the increasing weight with difficulty, and she began to ache. Not once did she complain, which gave him even more cause to worry. What if something was wrong and she told no one? What if he was not here to help her if she needed him?

He soon decided with Mrs. Johnson's help that Louise needed someone with her at all times, and they hired a nurse to stay with her while he was away. Mrs. Elway, a large woman with gray hair pulled back from her face in a tight bun, gave him comfort, for she kept a strict eye on Louise. No lifting, pulling, or climbing the stairs was allowed, and Mrs. Elway made sure that Louise ate three healthy meals a day. She constantly gazed at Louise, searching for signs of pain or discomfort, for she knew that as a lady, Louise would never complain, and as much as Louise protested, she had to admit that she rather enjoyed Mrs. Elway's company. The house had been lonely when Wade was away, and her mother had left her alone for longer periods of time, leaving her to roam the large house in silence. Mrs. Elway was brisk and unfriendly, but she was a warm body in the same room, and though they never spoke in friendly terms, Louise felt at ease with the nurse.

As Wade was leaving the house one cold morning in early February, Mrs. Elway met him in the doorway. "Mr. Hamilton, you will need to stay at your post today in case I need to retrieve you quickly." Mrs. Elway spoke strongly without emotion.

"Is something wrong, Mrs. Elway? Should I stay home today?" Wade began to worry, for although she showed no signs of urgency, she had never spoken to him in this tone of voice before.

"She has been having pain in her lower abdomen and in her back for the last two days. I know that it is early, but I need you to be available, sir." She turned to enter the house then shut the door behind her, disallowing further conversation.

Wade strode to the bank, feeling the stinging snowflakes against his cheeks, and absentmindedly crossed the street, nearly missing a strong pair of horse pulling a wagon loaded with supplies. He spent the day filing papers and helping customers, but he could not concentrate, and he fouled more business that he completed. Finally, Mr. Johnson walked by and noticed Wade's blank expression and sent him home, directing him to skip any classes and go straight home.

That afternoon when Wade opened the front door and entered the house, his heart dropped to his knees for the house was silent. He raced through each room calling for Louise, but he could not find her, and she did not answer. He bounded up the stairs, taking two at a time and raced down the hallway to their bedroom, still calling her name. When he threw open their bedroom door, he found her, silently pacing the floor, still dressed her long white nightgown. Her hair flowed down her back in long curls, and her bare feet hit the floor with a sound like thunder. Mrs. Elway sat in the corner in a chair mending one of Wade's shirts. She showed no signs of being startled as Wade entered suddenly, but rather laid her sewing on the table next to her, and stared at him as though he had interrupted a very important matter.

"What are you doing home, Mr. Hamilton? Did I not say I would call for you?" She frowned at him disapprovingly.

Louise walked to him and threw her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair and laying her head on his broad chest. "Oh my darling, I am so glad you are here. But really, why did you come? I am fine." She smiled at him for a moment before another burst of pain ran through her, almost bringing her to her knees. He supported her until the pain had passed, and he noticed that a trickle of blood sat on her lip where she had bitten it to keep from crying out in pain.

Unwillingly, Louise dropped to the bed as Wade pleaded with her to rest. Mrs. Elway interrupted, "I must beseech you, sir to return to your place of employment. I am quite capable of taking care of this child, and you are simply in the way. She needs to walk. It will ease her pain, and you, sir, need to go." Anger flared through Wade and his temples began to throb as he stared at this woman in front of him, demanding that he leave his wife. Wade reached down, and carefully pulled the covers back so that Louise could get underneath then he reached down and kissed her on the forehead, feeling the heat radiating from her lips.

"I will be back in a few moments, darling." He raced out of the room and down the steps, and then ran swiftly over the few blocks to the Johnson home. When he reached her mother's house, he rapped repeatedly on the door until the butler opened the door slowly and calmly. "I need to see Mrs. Johnson, immediately." Wade pushed through the half open doorway then ran through the house searching for Mrs. Johnson. Finally he found her, and she looked up at him with a pinched smile on her face, maintaining her urge to scream with fear from his sudden impudent intrusion.

He bent over, resting his hands on his knees, gasping desperately as he tried to catch his breath. As soon as Mrs. Johnson saw the look on his face, she instructed the butler to hitch the horse to the carriage, and her maid to fetch her cloak and her gloves. "That woman is horrid!" Wade straightened up, still gasping for breath. His face was red and aching from running so swiftly in the heavily falling snow. "Louise is in pain, and she did not call for either of us as she was instructed to do. We must find a doctor. She is in great pain." Mrs. Johnson continued to flurry around gathering her things as though she did not hear a word that Wade had spoken.

As he stood in the middle of the room, watching her fly around him, she suddenly spoke, "What is she doing now?"

Wade was so inflicted with worry that he could not understand her question or who she was referring to, so he described everything he had seen, and Mrs. Johnson nodded accordingly, never missing a beat or interrupting her preparations. "We must go now." They raced to the front door where the butler had hitched the horse to the small carriage reserved for Mrs. Johnson's personal use, and they raced quickly to the doctor's office. Mrs. Johnson ran inside then returned within just a few moments and they raced quickly on to Wade and Louise's home. "Take the horse and carriage to the barn, Wade, and I will meet you inside. Wade stared at her, unable to move until she screamed at him, breaking him from his fearful trance, "Move!" then he followed her orders without further hesitation.

Violent screams vibrated through the house as he entered through the rear door, leading through the kitchen into the dining room. As he entered the front entryway, he met Mrs. Elway as she left in a huff, meeting the doctor in the doorway, she slammed it with contempt. Wade led the way up the stairs, and stared with disbelief as the doctor quietly closed the door behind him without inviting Wade into his own room. He paced the floor in the hallway, envisioning Louise's face twisting with pain, hearing her screams come more frequently until the doctor emerged.

The doctor's face looked red against his thick white hair and beard, and the veins in his temple throbbed as he wrung his hands. "There is no stopping it. The baby is on its way, but it is several weeks too early. To be quite frank, it does not look good, son. We will try to save your wife, but it does not look like we can do much for the baby." He paused for a moment, "I'm sorry." He turned and left Wade in the hallway, staring after him.

Wade felt his heart begin to beat wildly in his chest, pumping so that he could hear the thumping in his ears as he fell to the floor. His stomach churned and ached as he wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked back and forth, focusing on the screams vibrating through the walls. Hours seemed to pass, as he rocked and listened, and tried to breathe. Every muscle in his body ached and his veins throbbed with pumping blood.

He closed his eyes and pictured her in the room with her mother beside her, holding her hand, and he longed to be with her. He gathered his courage and walked to the door then stopped. He could not bring himself to turn the knob, and he immediately dropped his hand and began to pace up and down the hall. As he walked to the end of the hall, he looked at the grandfather clock and listened to the chime. He had been waiting for three hours, and still her screaming echoed through the walls. He walked back toward the room, his heart pounding, and he ached for comfort and news of what was happening.

Suddenly the screaming stopped, and a gentle peace fell through the house. He ran to the bedroom door and stood, ready to open the door. Listening intently, he heard a small cry like that of a kitten, and his heart leapt, for as a new father, he could recognize the sound of his child. He listened for voices, waiting impatiently to be invited into the room. Muffled cries could be heard, and a woman's sobbing, though not that of Louise.

He could not take the waiting any longer. He turned the knob quickly and stepped into the room, pushing his weight against the doctor's, straining to see his wife and his newborn child, but what he saw instead left him weak and sick. Blood seemed to drip from every corner of the room. Louise lay back on the bed, her head drenched with sweat and tears. Her arms lay beside her, lifeless as she lay helpless with her eyes closed. Her mother bent on her knees beside the bed, holding the child wrapped in blankets, sobbing uncontrollably.

Wade raced to the bedside, whirling toward the doctor, "Is the baby going to live?" He clenched his fists, angrily as the doctor stared at him in silence, and Mrs. Johnson continued to sob. He grabbed the doctor by his shirt collar and shook him violently as his voice began to increase in volume, "Is the baby alive?" His face burned with fear and anger.

The doctor looked him in the eyes and nodded his head silently then he picked up his coat from the chair and placed his hat haphazardly on his head. "I need to take care of some matters. I will gather Mr. Johnson for you, Mrs. Johnson." He turned back to Wade and placed his hand gently on his shoulder, "I am sorry, young man." Without another word, he reached for the doorknob and closed it quietly behind him as he left the room. Even his footsteps were silent as he walked down the hall and out the front door.

Wade stood staring after him. What did he mean? He just said that the baby was fine, why would he be sorry? A minute passed as he stared at the closed door, listening to Mrs. Johnson's heavy breath as she finished her grief and the small wail of the newborn laying in her arms. Suddenly he felt a small soft hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Mrs. Johnson standing behind him. Her face was wet with tears and her eyes were brimming with a new flow. He watched as she dropped her head to look at the small child she held in her arms as tears ran down her face and dropped onto the blanket, splashing the baby's tiny hands.

"Wade, here is your son." She held the baby gently then placed him in Wade's outstretched arms. Immediately, his crying ceased, as Wade placed his finger in the child's mouth as he had seen his Aunt Suellen do with her own children. Tears began to run down his cheeks as he looked as this new life he held in his arms. Relief filled him as he checked ten little fingers and ten little toes. He was the most perfectly beautiful baby he had ever seen, and still he wondered what could make the doctor feel sorrow. This child was strong and healthy. He could feel his chest heaving with deep breaths, and his eyes opened wide to reveal the loveliest brown eyes.

He looked just like his mother. He had Louise's small nose and perfect ears. His eyes were soft brown and his small tufts of hair were light brown. His little forehead was crinkled as he stared at his Daddy with twinkles in his eyes, and when he smiled, his tiny cheeks puffed out, making Wade chuckle with pride and joy. As he held him closely, Wade raised his eyes to study Mrs. Johnson. Her tears were not those of joy. She looked at the baby fondly, but sorrow and grief overcame her and she ran back to Louise's bedside, crying hysterically.

Wade ran to join her, "Is Louise sleeping? Has she seen the baby?"

Mrs. Johnson turned her eyes to him, gawking at him in horror. Suddenly, he felt his arms grow weak, and he laid the baby on the bed in front of him, for he no longer had the strength to hold him. The baby immediately starting screaming, but the sound seemed to come from farther and farther away as the room began to spin. He glanced down at Louise, and noticed again that the sheets and blankets were stained with blood, and he looked into Louise's angelic face, for there was no movement, only a gentle look of peace.

Mrs. Johnson grabbed Wade around the chest, and held him upright as the room began to spin again, and suddenly everything went black. He felt her slapping his face roughly, and he opened his eyes to see Mrs. Johnson holding his arms and seething with frustration.

"Wade, you must wake up now."

Wade stared at her, unaware of the full circumstances. "What is happening? Has Louise seen her son? Why is she still sleeping?"

Mrs. Johnson held him tightly, sitting him on the floor. Then she gently placed the baby in Wade's lap, wrapping the blanket around him and pressing him closely to his father. "Remember I said that I almost died with each of my children. I was lucky. Louise was not quite as strong. She never has been." Mrs. Johnson knelt beside Wade, willing him to stay calm, for as much as he would grieve, his grave responsibility lie with the child on his lap.

"Did she see her son?" Wade stared at the child in his lap in disbelief. He never thought it would be possible that he would raise this child on his own.

Mrs. Johnson spoke solemnly, "She saw him and kissed him. She did not have the strength to stay with us. It was just too much for her." She began to break down, but caught her breath, determined to see Wade stand and fight for his child. "She knew the risks of childbirth, but she wanted this for the two of you. She believed in you, and so do I. You can handle this responsibility, and this baby will grow to become the kind of man that you are, and the kind of man that Louise knew you to be.

Wade began to rock him gently as he wrapped his tiny fingers around Wade's larger one. Numbness crept though his body as he rocked, unnoticing when Mrs. Johnson quietly left the room to greet Mr. Johnson in the foyer. He sat there quietly rocking the baby, praying desperately for help, for he did not know where he would summon the strength to make it through the next few days or the next eighteen years.

Chapter 21

The next few days flew by in a blur as Wade floated through each day incognizant of his actions. He refused to rehire Mrs. Elway for although she had taken care of Louise during her pregnancy, she had left in such haste and had taken the situation so lightly that Wade was convinced of her fault in Louise's death. So no matter what Wade did, he held the baby close to him, feeding him, rocking him, and changing him. They slept downstairs in the library in Louise's favorite chair, drifting in and out of sleep. Each time the baby stirred, Wade awoke to take care of him, never missing a beat.

Wade's son was baptized Cole William Hamilton for that name had been Louise's favorite. They chose the name William because Wade's uncle Will had been the most influential father figure in Wade's life and Cole was Louise's father's given name. As Cole was being held by the minister during the baptismal ceremony, Wade gazed upon his son remembering the moments that he and Louise had discussed the names they could give this child. They knew that a man's name influences his character and they discussed each name and its meaning, trying desperately to find the most suitable name for a child who would walk in Wade's footsteps, living the life principles that they each held so dear. Finally, they chose the name Cole William, and Wade could not have been prouder to call out the name that would mold his son's personality.

As the family gathered around the graveside, bidding farewell to Louise, reality began to set in, and Wade felt his body begin to quake with fear, anger, and grief. He stood above the casket as they lowered it into the ground, holding Cole tightly, unaware of his cries, his own tears drowning the sound of his child's. His mind immediately flashed back to the moment he had watched his baby sister being buried, and he wondered if Aunt Melly's funeral had been anything like this. He had been at Tara when Aunt Melly had been buried, and now he wished more than anything for the warmth and strength of Tara. He longed to be away from this scene, away from the grieving people and their sorrowful looks.

The minister had said such beautiful things about Louise, and yet it all seemed like in a dream, for none of them knew Louise the way that he did. They did not know of her hopes and dreams. They knew nothing of her kind and generous spirit, for all they had seen was her façade, her shyness masking her true feelings about the world around her. She had been loving and kind, and a great adventurer. Wade had never known another person with whom he could speak on any subject or who had been so knowledgeable about the world. Louise had longed to go to school and for the freedom to express her own views, and she had felt free with him.

Now, he felt utterly alone. His heart ached as he stared into the large hole in the ground, yearning to follow her, for his life felt empty without her. He knelt down, reeling close to the grave. He pictured her lovely face and remembered holding her in his arms and his body racked with sobs. He felt arms wrap around him, trying to hold him and another set try to take the baby, but he fought them off, refusing to give up his child that lay crying in his arms. This child, Cole, was the only link to his lovely wife, and he would not bear to part with him even for a moment.

He blinked his eyes, realizing that the dark clouds were being parted by the sun, and he delicately pulled the blanket over the baby's eyes then stood carefully, walking backwards as people began filing beside him, throwing handfuls of dirt onto the tiny casket. He had enough. He could not stand here another moment, remembering, aching, and watching his life being buried. He turned suddenly and walked toward the carriage which had carried him to this desolate place and shouted for the driver to take him home. He knew the shame that would follow his decision to leave, but he could not stand there any longer. He longed for the silence and comfort of his own home where he could be alone in the home that had been hers.

When they finally arrived, he raced into the doorway and seated himself in Louise's chair, feeding the tiny baby he held in his arms, rocking him gently. He spoke tenderly of Louise, telling Cole every detail of Louise's life. He recanted tales that she had shared with him of her childhood, dreams they had shared, and moments they had lived. As Cole's beautiful brown eyes began to drowse, Wade's voice began to waver, fighting sleep, holding on to her for as long as his mind would allow then finally allowing sleep to take hold of him. Although reality tried to force its way into his mind, exhaustion took over, and he finally relented.

Over the next several days, faceless images of strangers came and went, offering words of encouragement and advice. Wade smiled and replied courteously, but he secretly longed to be left alone with his memories and his child. Cooks brought bottles for the baby into the library and pleaded with Wade to eat, but he refused. He couldn't stand the thought of food for his mind was focused on the tiny life in his arms, and his lovely wife he had left in the cold ground. He avoided the bedroom at all costs remembering the scene he had witnessed there and the sounds he heard so clearly still ringing in his ears and trembling through his body. For hours, he sat in Louise's chair, thinking of her, and when the tiny brown eyes opened, he would tell Cole about her all over again, repeating every image he could recall. Days droned on in this manner as Wade nursed his broken heart, hoping the pain would ease, but quickly losing the will to strive for recuperation.

Wade startled when he heard a rap on the door, and sat up quickly as the butler showed Mrs. Johnson into the library. She sat down in Wade's chair, seeing that he had no intention of rising from his seat upon her entrance. He saw her face stiffen as she sat, but didn't reply.

"Wade, darling it is so nice to see you. I have come by everyday, but your butler would not allow me entrance. Today, I insisted that I just had to see that beautiful baby." She smiled graciously, hiding her concern.

"That's fine," Wade replied absently. He looked toward her without meeting her eyes then focused on the baby sleeping quietly.

Mrs. Johnson stood and walked softly toward the baby and pulled back the blanket covering his face. She smiled, "Oh Wade, he is just darling." When Wade did not respond or offer to let her hold him, she retreated back to the other chair, fighting her need to yell in frustration. "It is lovely outside. Have you been out or taken the baby for a walk?"

"No," Wade turned his head to look out the window, as streams of light drifted through, but he had no desire to step outside the comfort of his library.

She shifted her weight in the chair, trying to decide how to best approach him. "Wade, I have to say that I am astonished at your appearance." She gazed at him, waiting for reaction, but he continued to stare out the window. "Would you have let Louise see you like this?"

Wade reached up and felt his unshaven face and shook his head. Immediately tears leapt into his eyes, and his heart felt heavy, but he had nothing to say. He had no reason to clean up, for as long as he took care of Cole, he was not worried about himself.

"You look like you are wearing the same clothes that you wore the day Cole was born. When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

Silently, he shook his head again, for he couldn't remember when he had eaten, and it didn't much matter.

Mrs. Johnson sighed as she stared at this man who had once been bronze and healthy. He looked weak and frail, as if he had been beaten by his grief with no sign of return from his painful memories. She was determined to bring him out of this, and although she had decided to use her planned tactics as a last resort, he looked far worse than she had imagined. The situation was dire, and she had to act now before he grieved himself into the grave beside Louise.

"Wade Hamilton, you will snap out of this right now. How do you think Louise is feeling right now? She is watching you from above, grieving yourself to death and there is nothing she can do."

Wade raised his eyes, unmoved by her words.

"She left Cole in your care and you are letting her down. The baby looks fed and healthy, but what is he going to do when you kill yourself in this grief? He will be left here with no parent. Does he deserve that?"

Wade shook his head again as tears flowed easily down his face, for now he was unabashedly ashamed, and no one's presence could change the fact that he had become desperate for companionship. Only this woman could save him.

"Stand up right now. Give me the child, and I demand you go clean yourself up. I have ordered a large plate of food. It will be ready by the time you return. Then we will discuss what you will do."

He hesitated, still unwilling to part with his child, but the look in her eyes gave no room for compromise. He slowly lifted the baby from his lap and handed him gently to her, keeping his eyes on the baby, expecting to reclaim the child with its first sign of waking. Stumbling, he left the room without a word and followed her orders under duress.

When he returned, a plate of food had been brought to the library, and Wade sat down to begin eating. He suddenly realized that he was famished, and he began throwing food into his mouth, swallowing quickly as if inhaling each morsel.

Mrs. Johnson laughed quietly, "You had better slow down or you will make yourself sick." She looked at him, astonished that his clean clothes hung on him so loosely. He was cleanly shaven, and the dark circles under his eyes were even more prominent, but she hoped that her encouragement would brighten him slightly. He still had a long road ahead, and his pain would never fully leave, for she had felt the same pain in her youth, though no one knew.

After he had finished eating, he immediately reached for Cole, but she refused to give him up so quickly. "You sit there and rest for a few moments. We still have some things to talk about." He sat back slowly, considering what she needed to tell him. "Wade, you need to make a plan for the rest of your life. I know that this is a low valley that you will need to claw your way through, but there are mountains on either side of you. You can be on top again."

Wade considered his Uncle Ashley. Years had passed since Aunt Melly had passed away, and still there lingered a darkness in his eyes, the pain and misery of losing the love of his life and only living to raise the son that Aunt Melly had left him. "Mrs. Johnson, I know that you are trying to help, and I appreciate you encouraging me to eat and live, but I do not believe that I will rise to the top. I cannot see the future without her, and I do not have the will or the strength to live without her."

"Stop talking like that! You must live. You have a son to raise. Now, you will need to think about hiring a nurse so that you can return to work, and you need to consider how you will finish school. You only have a year left, don't you?"

Wade startled, "I cannot hire some stranger to come take care of the only thing in this world that I have left. It will not happen."

"Then what do you expect to do? Wither away in this house, hiding and protecting him from the world? You have to let go at some point, and he needs to see a grown man taking care of his responsibilities if you expect him to be half the man that you want him to be." Mrs. Johnson's face began to redden. She had held her temper long enough and she strained herself to keep from screaming.

Wade paused, thinking about his options. He had no reason to finish school, for he had promised Aunt Melly, but she was gone just like Louise, and his other promise lie with Mr. Fontaine, who was apparently conspiring with his mother against Emily. Quite truthfully, he could not imagine how going to school would help Cole in the slightest.

"I will quit school. There is no way that I can continue my education at this point. As far as the bank is concerned, I will speak with Mr. Johnson about holding the position for me until I am ready to return." Wade nodded his head, content with his own plan that neither accepted resignation nor required further assistance.

Mrs. Johnson nodded, breathing deeply, for this had not gone the way she had accepted, and she reluctantly decided to play her trump card. "Wade, if you refuse to help yourself and to accept the help that I am offering, I will have to call in reinforcements. Have you spoken or written to your mother explaining your predicament?"

Wade's eyes widened, blazing with fury. "How dare you?"

"I will do what I have to do, Wade Hamilton, to wake you. If it requires contact with your mother, I will do it, for I will not allow you to waste away, killing yourself and scarring this child who happens to be my grandchild, as well."

Wade glared at her angrily, knowing that she was just so bold as to throw his mother in his face. "When you mess with the devil, you get burned as well. You know very well that Louise and I cut off all contact with that woman. To bring her into this house and back into my life would be the death of me."

"Actually, I have met her, and I believe that she would restore your life or at least your anger, which in turn would inspire you to get back up. Wade, I have no spite in my heart. Although you may not understand my motives, they are purely in your best interest and Cole's."

As Wade considered her words, flashes of Scarlett entered his mind. Suddenly peace fell over him as he remembered his first love. Tara. Tara would restore him. He could take Cole to Tara. There he would find comfort with the land and his family. Suellen could help him, and he could dig his hands deep into the earth, and it would repay him the love and work that he had poured into it in his youth. Tara would give him hope, and he could pass that hope on to Cole, for in Cole's heart grew the love for the land.

Wade glanced up at Mrs. Johnson with brightness in his eyes that she did not recognize. "Mrs. Johnson, I appreciate your help, and I believe I have a solution. Cole and I will be going to Tara for a while. The sun that shines on that land heals all wounds."

Mrs. Johnson nodded her head and unpursed her lips, "I remember the way that Louise raved about her visit there. She loved that land, as well." She paused for a moment considering his decision, knowing that the plantation would provide a safe haven for him, and maybe restore his strength. "I think that is a lovely idea, and when you return, we will figure out your next step. I just hope that you don't stay too terribly long, for I hate to be separated from this darling child for long." She rose gently, and handed him back to Wade. The move startled the baby and he began to gurgle and coo when he saw his father's face.

"Thank you Mrs. Johnson for your visit, and next time, I will ensure that you are allowed entrance." Wade stood and extended his hand, for he yearned for her approval. She took his hand and squeezed it lightly before leaving the room.

Wade walked around the library, singing softly, and telling Cole about Tara, making plans for their departure as quickly as possible. Within a few days, Wade had made arrangements for travel to Atlanta, where he would stay with Uncle Ashley for a few days before he headed on to Tara. There were only two issues left to undertake.

As he walked down the main street of Athens pushing Cole in his carriage, he felt as if people were staring, and they were. Citizens throughout the town knew of his heartbreaking experience, and though they felt intense sorrow for him, most did not know how to show their sympathy. For the last two weeks, he had pushed everyone away, refusing visitors, ignoring calling cards, and declining invitations for dinner or help. He had shunned the rest of the world, and now, when he needed them the most, they were wary of him, afraid of his response to their offers of help. He kept his head lowered, walking through town toward the university without making eye contact.

When he entered the office of the dean of the university of law, his heart gripped within his chest, reminiscent of the first time he stepped foot in the university. Then he had been intensely afraid that he would be refused entrance, and now his fear was just as intense. He had built a reputation in this institution, a reputation of hard work and high marks, and now he had to withdraw from the program, possible losing the respect he had at one time longed to receive.

He offered his free hand to the dean and took a seat, nestling Cole in his lap. He gathered his courage, and spoke, "Sir, it is with great disappointment that I have resolved to take a sabbatical from study. I have come into a difficult situation, and my attention must be diverted. I am not sure how long I will need to be away."

The dean looked at Wade with fondness, "I am sorry to hear that. I have heard of your situation, and I had hoped you would come to a different conclusion, but I am not sure I would have made a different decision myself. Do you have any idea when you will return, and where you will go in the mean time?"

Wade took a deep breath, knowing he would have to express his true intentions. Finally, he replied, "I do not know that I will return at all. I am going back to Tara, and I do not think I can bear to return to Athens, knowing that Louise is not here." Tears began to well in his eyes, and he closed his mouth quickly in order to stop the flow of emotion that he knew would ensue.

"I see." The dean looked at his hands. "You surprise me." He stood and walked around to sit on the corner of his desk, looking down at Wade. "I remember when I first met you. I was convinced that you would never make it here, for you were very young, uneducated, and riding on your father's coattails, with nothing to support you but your mother's money. You proved yourself beyond what I ever would have expected for you have been an exemplary student."

"Thank you sir," Wade replied shyly.

"Yet, I am still surprised to see you overtaken so easily. I understand that you have had a difficult time, and you are overcome with grief and responsibility at this moment, but don't make any rash decisions just yet. You may get to a point in your life where you can return to finish your degree."

Wade nodded carefully, but showed no sign of agreement.

"Wade, I want you to know that any time you decide you are ready, you always have a place here. Also, if you raise your son to be the kind of man that I know you are, he is also welcome. It would be a pleasure to have another generation of Hamilton's here." He held out his hand in a gesture of friendship, and Wade sighed with relief, knowing that he had not made any enemies and he had maintained his respect. "By the way, in case you did not know this, you have many prospects with the education and experience that you have gained thus far. With your plantation, you can establish a business where you are the lien holder and you have other small farmers working your land. There are a variety of other options, as well. Speak with your Uncle Ashley before you make any further decisions. I would trust and respect his opinion." He smiled generously, and shook Wade's hand before leading him to the door.

"Thank you, sir." Wade retreated. He felt relief that he had conquered one issue; now only one more stood in his way of departure from this city he had once loved, but had now become torturous.

As he walked from the university to the bank where he had worked for several years, he felt his heart begin to pound in his chest. He had not yet faced Mr. Johnson since Louise's funeral, and he did not know how the man would react, knowing that Louise had died because of their irresponsible decision to have a child. He walked slowly, delaying the meeting as long as possible, speaking to Cole as if he were another adult. They passed by the apartment where he had lived when he first arrived in Athens, and his brow clenched, remembering the pain he had felt when he lost Emily. At that point, he thought he would never recover, but that pain was nothing compared to the pain he felt right now. He passed quickly, keeping his head lowered toward the buggy cradling Cole, chattering nervously as he neared the bank.

He nervously opened the door to Mr. Johnson's office and took a seat upon invitation. He took Cole out of the buggy and placed him on his lap without allowing his eyes to rise and meet Mr. Johnson's.

Mr. Johnson remained seated, staring at Wade with gleaming eyes. "So you decided to name him Cole. That must have been Louise's idea. She was always such a good girl."

"Yes, sir, she wanted to name him after you," Wade looked up, hoping to see a warm face, but only coldness dwelt in the man across from him.

"It is just too bad that she will not get to see her son grow." Mr. Johnson's eyes became red around the rims before he blinked quickly to hide any emotion. "So, Wade have you come to twist the knife that you so painfully plunged into my back?"

Wade startled, "I am sure I do not know what you mean."

"I mean, Louise had been advised by the doctor to avoid children until she became stronger. It was a possibility that she would never have children. But you couldn't wait could you? You had to have a child to carry on your name, or you had to satisfy your carnal lusts without thought to the damage it would cause. In the process, you took her life. I trusted my lovely first-born daughter to your care and you sabotaged her. She is dead because of you."

"I never knew. She never told me." Wade bowed his head feeling tears roll down his face.

"It is a little late for sorrow. Why have you come?"

Wade forced his sobs into submission and faced Mr. Johnson, addressing him with a shaking voice, full of remorse. "I have come to let you know that I will be leaving town. Cole and I will be leaving for Tara tomorrow and I am not sure when we will return. I request a leave of absence, but if you cannot hold my position for an undetermined amount of time, I certainly understand."

"Mrs. Johnson related that information earlier. I wondered if you would have the courage to tell me yourself." Mrs. Johnson stared at Wade. "We also discussed another alternative that I think you will appreciate. In fact, it would be insane to pass on an offer of this magnitude."

Cole began to wiggle and Wade tucked the blankets around him more closely, whispered something in his ear then rocked him gently. When he raised his eyes back to Mr. Johnson, he found him staring at the baby with a gleam in his eye.

"Wade I am prepared to offer you one million dollars in gold. We will walk downstairs to the vault, and I will give it to you immediately."

Wade's jaw dropped open. His heart began to beat uncontrollably, for he had never held or owned that amount of money. He could not conceive what one million dollars in gold would look like, and he was certainly surprised that this man would own such an amount. "Why would you make such an offer? What do you want from me?"

"It is very simple. I want you to leave Cole with us, go to Tara, and never return. We will raise Cole as if he was ours." Mr. Johnson was surprised to see the blood drain from Wade's face and a look of astonishment wash across his face. "You know that you are not well equipped to raise a child. I think that this arrangement would be what Louise would want."

Wade continued to stare at him, speechless. The proposal was inconceivable. He was being offered an immense amount of money, enough money to completely restore Tara, a task he had always thought to be beyond his ability. To accept this offer would replace his torturous responsibility with the revival of his first true love. He would be able to restore the house to its full splendor and hire help to once again rise as a cotton king. Such an immense amount of money would set his entire family at ease, but would it set his own mind at ease? Could he live with the fact that he committed the same act that had once made him so angry with his mother?

Would Louise really want that for her son? She had risked her life to have this child, a child beholding the traits of qualities that they each held. She had loved this child, whom she had never met, enough to give her life for it, never questioning her decision. She had left this child with him to raise, trusting Wade to care for him, nurture him, and love him the way she would if she were here. He considered Mr. Johnson's words in every possible light then made up his mind.

"Louise knew the risk of having a child, and she knew that if she told me about the risk, I would have never let her take it. However, she wanted a child. She wanted us to have a child. It was worth the risk to Louise, and this child is priceless to me." Wade stood quickly, placed Cole in the buggy and left the office without offering any further explanation or saying good-bye.

As he walked home this time, he held his head high, greeting passers-by with great pride. He had regained the strength to stand up for himself and his child. His fatherhood had been established at that moment as he was faced with a proposal beyond comprehension, for it was no decision at all. He loved this child beyond reason, and he suddenly understood the depth of his new responsibility. Now, he understood the importance of his own health and his own life, for this child depended on him for everything.

This child would grow in his image, and he only hoped that he could live up to what he thought Louise expected of him. Louise had voiced her love for this child and the qualities that she wanted him to display. She wanted Cole to show the characteristics that she saw in Wade, heroism, love, loyalty, honesty, and trustworthiness. Wade believed that at this moment, he had truly shown the characteristics that she saw in him but he had never seen in himself. With her inspiration, Wade felt a renewed sense of ability to fulfill her wishes and raise this child.

As soon as he walked in the door of his home, he began giving instructions to the servants to gather his belongings and ready them for the trip to Tara, however he was stopped short. On the table lay a telegram from Tara.

WILL SICK STOP COME HOME STOP

Wade read the telegram several times. He had planned to surprise everyone at Tara with their arrival, but now he had to change his plans. He had to leave immediately, for Will was sick. He finished packing and he and Cole left for the train station immediately. Before boarding the train, he sent a telegram to Uncle Ashley.

WILL NOT VISIT STOP GOING TO TARA STOP UNCLE WILL IS SICK STOP

Then he sent a telegram to Tara asking Suellen to arrange for transportation from Jonesboro to Tara. He only hoped that someone would be able to drive them home. He had looked forward to this visit since the moment he had decided to return, but now he felt a sense of doom in his heart, for he did not know what he would find when he got home. Pictures of death and sickness played through his mind, and he forced himself to continue on the path which could lead to more destruction, but his sense of duty propelled him to head forward. As he traveled, he carried Cole in his arms, focusing on the new life he held, for the scene he would face in just a few hours was more than he could bear.

Chapter 22

Wade and Cole pulled into the train station at Jonesboro in the late afternoon. As he stared out the window at the countryside pulling into town, Wade could see improvements in Jonesboro as the town slowly recuperated from Sherman's March nearly fifteen years earlier. Several buildings on Main Street were still in ruins as Sherman's footprints could be seen throughout the town. The railroad station had remained as it had become a booming mode of transportation from Atlanta, and a few stores provided goods for the surrounding county patrons.

Wade was surprised to see Aunt Suellen and Ella waiting at the train station in the old rickety wagon. Will would never have let them drive into town alone, especially for supplies, leading Wade to believe that the situation may be direr than he had imagined. Suellen had telegrammed that Will was sick, but to allow two women to drive the wagon was practically unfathomable. Will must be on death's bed. The thought of losing another loved one tore at Wade's heart, and he refused to think of the matter. He unloaded his bags and handed Cole to Suellen as she cooed and exclaimed over such a beautiful baby. Ella remained by Wade's side, hoping to catch a moment alone with him, but far too many people surrounded them, and soon she fell back to the wagon to wait patiently for a more convenient time. They loaded the wagon with supplies from the store and Wade slowly drove the wagon on the road back to Tara. Not a word was passed between them, and Wade was not in a hurry to hear the news.

Cole began to whimper and Wade looked back to check on him nestled in Suellen's arms, and he noticed they were shivering in the brisk wind. Early spring had fallen, and the trees had not yet regained their leaves, leaving the road looking barren and dead. He heard the wind whistle through the lonely trees, and he suddenly felt a sense of loneliness that he had not experienced in years. Around him, the ground was hard and dry with patches of frost here and there. He shivered and quickened their pace, hastening the horse to hurry along.

Wade's guts twisted as he fought the urge to turn tail and run. He longed to see land that had provided a safe haven for him for so many years, but fear shivered through his bones as he turned on the final road to Tara. The sight before him brought tears to his eyes. He had no idea that the house had fallen into such disrepair. The porch was swaggering and several balusters had broken. The yard was overgrown and bushy, and the entire house was in need of a fresh coat of whitewash. He wondered about the cattle, for they probably were in bad shape as well. As they entered the house, Wade could tell that the woman were overwhelmed with chores. The house was clean, but sad faces surrounded him, and more needed repairs throughout the house were apparent.

Suellen watched Wade as he looked around, "We have needed some help around here lately, Wade. Will has been ill for quite some time, and Big Sam tries hard, but he is getting older."

Wade nodded as he continued to survey the house. Then he walked through the back door to walk around the plantation. His heart began to pound furiously, for he had no idea how he could possibly take over such a task. The fields were in severe disrepair. They had overgrown with weeds and trash. The pastures that he had so carefully prepared had been allowed to turn to bramble. Fences were falling, wood needed to be chopped, and the barn door had fallen from its hinges. He walked slowly to the barn where he found only a few head of cattle, that had net been fed in quite some time for their ribs showed beneath their skin. Will had taken care of practically everything around Tara, and now that he was unable, they had no one else to take his place.

Wade turned to find Silver waiting for him anxiously, but instead of great excitement, he gently patted his flank, knowing the work they had ahead of them. He held some feed in his hand, and talked to Silver as he ate slowly. Thankfully Silver was still in good shape. He had lost some weight, and he had begun to age, but he would be of great help in restoring the plantation. For a fleeting moment, Wade looked around the plantation and thought of the great strides he could make with a million dollars, and the help that he would have been able to recruit with such a great amount of wealth, but he pushed his from his mind quickly, weighing his loss against the gain. There would have been no contest. He loved Tara with everything in him. He was one with the land, and it respected him in return, but he did not love this land like he loved his son, and he looked forward to the day when he would teach his son to love the land as well.

He gathered his thoughts, and turned to walk back to the house. He did not want to see Will in any condition other the way he had seen him last, but he knew he had to face the inevitable. He faced Suellen as he walked into the back door, and the look on her face caused him to lose his breath. Without a word, he followed her into the sick room where Will lay on a tiny bed covered to the chin with several blankets though his face was beaded with sweat. His eyes remained closed, and he looked as though every breath took great effort. Heaving deeply, he tried to raise his arm to reach for Wade, but he was too weak. Wade walked to his side and knelt beside the bed on the cold, hard floor. Hiding his tears, he took Will's hand and waited for him to speak.

"Wade, honey, he cannot talk. The pneumonia has weakened him so that he is beyond recovery. He simply wanted to se you one last time. I have a letter that he asked me to write down for you." Suellen handed Wade the letter, and Wade read it slowly as tears poured down his face.

Wade,

You are like my son, and I love you. I am proud of everything you have done. You have courage, strength, and smartness that I have never had. I admire you for who you are and the man that you have turned out to be. I hope that you will remember me with fondness and love, for I love you. As I look down from heaven above, I will watch over you and continue to be proud to call you my nephew. Please take care of my girls. I cannot stay here with them and they need you. I know that I can count on you.

Will

Wade wiped the tears from his eyes, and patted Will's hand gently. Will smiled weakly then slowed his breathing as he slept. Wade watched him for a few moments, picturing him as he was only a few months earlier. He had been strong and alive. He had been calm and quiet, but lively. Now he lay in the tiny bed weak and pale. He had given himself over to death which was hanging in the corner just waiting to take him. When he couldn't stand to see Will laying in his weakened condition any longer, Wade and Suellen crept from the room so as not to disturb him.

When they had closed the door, Suellen dropped her head for a moment, straightened her shoulders and looked Wade square in the eyes, "I am sure he will not survive the night. He was holding on so that he could see you one last time. We have said our good byes, and he is too weak to carry on." Suellen turned quickly without another word and walked swiftly to the kitchen to begin preparing dinner. Wade stared after her, unwilling to believe her words. He did not follow, but turned to find Ella and Cole.

Strolling through the house, he let his mind wander through memories that haunted him. He could see the Yankee soldiers as they pillaged their home. It was as if just yesterday he fought for his sword which still hung in his bedroom, and then watched as his mother beat out the fire in the kitchen. As he walked around, he entered the room which held Great Grandmother Robillard's portrait, and he stared up, wondering what she had been thinking at that moment. Her eyes were hard as steel, yet she still seemed to reach out to him, willing to comfort and protect him in his time of need. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the corner and he turned to see Ella on her knees. Her lips moved silently as she nimbly fingered the string of rosary beads running through her hand. He watched her quietly as she prayed with her head bowed over Cole lying silently in her arms.

Without warning, she stood and shifted Cole to her other arm, wrapping the blanket more tightly around him to keep him snug. She started when she noticed Wade standing in the doorway, but offered no explanation. Her expression was grim. Her tight lips curled down in the corners and her shoulders hunched over slightly as if she were so tired she couldn't bear to stand. The changes she had made since he had seen her last were amazing. She had become a woman, and here she was, holding his child looking matronly, yet exhausted and sad. The exuberance which had lit her eyes only days earlier had suddenly left, and Wade was sure that her only reason for misery was Will's condition. He walked to her and wrapped his arms around his little sister, and he held her as she wept bitterly. Between them, Cole began to struggle, and Ella giggled gently as Wade backed up to give Cole more room.

Ella had missed Wade desperately, and she needed to talk to him, but yet again, she knew it had to wait. More pressing matters surrounded them, and she could wait a few more days to bare her soul to her only confidante. She looked at him thankfully then handed Cole to Wade and rushed to help Suellen set the table.

When they finally sat down to eat, Will's absence hung over the table casting gloom, yet no one said a word. Wade searched each face only to find an emptiness as each woman that surrounded him thought of the place that Will held in their life. In this home, Will had served as husband, father, and uncle, graciously, willingly, and without blemish. Now Wade held the same responsibilities, for he had somehow become the man of the house. His entire being trembled with fear, knowing he could never take Will's place nor could adequately fulfill his list of responsibilities. He could only hope that the Lord would give him the strength to take care of each person around this table as they now counted on him to be their sole provider.

The next morning when he awoke, he dressed quickly and walked downstairs to find Suellen gently closing the door behind her as she left Will's room. Her eyes were filled with tears and her body shook with sobs. Immediately Wade knew that Will had died during the night and his own chest contracted with an ache he had never felt. His own father had died before he was born, and it was as if he was living through his father's death. The man that had cared for him since he was a small child, had made animals from chips of wood, had taught him how to farm, and showed him what it meant to be a father was gone, never to return. He shared his grief with Aunt Suellen as she cried. He wrapped his arms around her, towering over her small, weak frame. It felt as if she had not eaten or slept in weeks, and she slumped to the ground in exhaustion. He continued to rock her as her tears subsided and emptiness took their place.

Although Will had never officially converted to Catholicism, Suellen requested a priest to preside over the funeral. People from all over the county gathered in the family cemetery to say their goodbyes as Suellen stared wide-eyed into the casket being lowered slowly into the ground. Without warning, Scarlett slid in behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, supporting her, and as she felt the arms of her sister, she broke down again, her body shaking as she wept. They walked arm in arm back to the house as the procession of visitors followed with warm gestures, quiet hugs, comforting the girls in their grief. Each of Suellen and Will's children stared blankly as if unaware of their father's death, yet desperately aware and not willing to accept it. They nodded quietly in response to platitudes spoken with conviction, yet gave no heed to anyone. Their faraway looks simply gave evidence of their desire to escape in spite of their understanding of duty.

Wade surveyed the crowd, searching for recognizable faces. He saw people from around the county and a few from Atlanta that had known Will. He had been a Civil War veteran, and surviving soldiers from around the land came to honor their gallant comrade in grey. Wade noticed faces from long ago, those that brought back memories of childhood, and he soon become lost in his reminiscence so that he was not surprised to see a lovely face surrounded by blonde curls heading towards him. It was if she had always been there and she belonged in the midst of his jumbled thoughts.

Emily approached him slowly, unsure of what to say. "I am sorry for your losses... both of them."

Wade gazed at her for a moment, confused by the mixture of past and present. "Thank you, Emily. It is nice to see you again. How have you been?"

"Fine," her face reddened and she stumbled over her next few words, "I am still living with the Fontaine's." She quickly changed the subject, unwilling to discuss their previous engagement, for she was still unsure of how the situation had changed so quickly, and though it had been only a year and a half, it seemed like yesterday. Her heart still ached with hurt and her mind reeled with unanswered questions. "I would guess that this is Cole. He looks just like you." She noticed the questioning look on his face, and knowing his thoughts, she offered explanation, "Ella and I have talked quite often. She and I have become fast friends. She keeps me updated on your progress. I hope that your recent misfortune will not hinder your future success." Her statement seemed inquiring.

"If you are asking about school, I have suspended my studies for a while, most likely permanently. It is imperative that I take over here for a while, and I cannot raise Cole appropriately if he spends all of his time with a nanny." Wade searched her eyes for approval. He could tell by her glistening eyes that she approved of his paternal commitment.

"I hope, Wade, that we can still visit without awkward feelings. I must be going. Good bye, Wade." Emily turned and headed toward the door before Wade could respond, but he pondered her sincerity, hoping to rekindle their friendship in spite of their ruined relationship.

Hours passed as guests offered their condolences then finally trickled out the door, leaving the family in quietness, only broken by Cole's intermittent cries. Scarlett took Suellen upstairs and put her to bed, just as Mammy would have done if she had been here. When she returned, she found Rhett and Wade on the front porch, as Wade rocked Cole quietly on the swing that Will had constructed for Suellen.

Scarlett looked at Wade, noticing the baby for the first time. "Wade, where is Louise? Could she not find time to be here for her family?"

Wade stared at her, forgetting that she had not been notified of any of the events in his own life. "How do you think she could be here?" His heart began to beat wildly as he thought of his own wife in Athens. "How could you be so heartless and cruel as to even mention her name at this moment?"

"I'm sorry; Wade, but I do not know what you are talking about." Scarlett's face reddened as she became angry, understanding that once again she had been shut out from his life.

"She died, mother. This is Cole, by the way. He is your grandson. Louise died giving birth to your grandson," Wade fumbled for a moment then walked into the house, slamming the door behind him.

He did not notice as Scarlett's hands rose to her face in incredulous horror. She rushed into Rhett's arms, crying, "Oh, my poor baby!"

Wade only felt the despondent rip as his heart broke again, knowing that his mother cared nothing for him. He sat in the corner chair in his room for the rest of the night, holding Cole with tears running down his face, feeling exhausted and alone. Again, his mother knew nothing of his turmoil, only her nasty disposition reared its head. A cavern lie between them that seemed unsurpassable, and when Wade needed his mother more than ever, he pushed her away, spitefully, just as she had done to him so many times before. He was unwilling to bridge the gap, for in his mind she had committed too many atrocious crimes, for which she could never repent, nor did he suspect that she wanted to repair. As the sun began to rise, he vowed again that he would never neglect or abandon his son, and the thick wall surrounding his heart that Louise had almost broken down, began to rise again.

Chapter 23

The afternoons began to warm as spring pushed its way against the cold winter wind. Scarlett and Rhett had remained at Tara to help with Suellen and the girls, but not a word had passed between Wade and Scarlett. Finally, Wade could not take the silence anymore, and he decided to take Silver for a ride and check on the cattle. He had successfully taken over the plantation tasks, trying to recover from the loss of Will. He and Big Sam had cleared the land in preparation for sowing cotton, and he had begun the process of reclaiming the cattle that had been strong enough to survive such a difficult winter.

As he reached the barn, he was stunned to hear voices, for he thought everyone had remained behind in the house. He snuck in closer to hear the conversation, ready for battle in case of intruders.

"What are we going to do, Jake? We only have a few more weeks and we have to marry or someone will suspect." Wade hunched closer as he thought he heard Ella's voice.

A strange man's voice followed, "Don't worry; I will talk to Wade tonight."

Ella's voice sounded strained and frightened, "He has never met you, Jake. What if he says no? I have not had a chance to speak with him since he arrived. Things have been so hectic, and I am sure he does not need another problem right now. He has enough of his own."

Jake's voice became gentle and soft, "Everything will be fine, honey. It would be far better to talk to Wade than to your mother. When is she going to leave?"

"I don't know!" Ella's voice rose, close to hysteria. "She has to leave soon. If you talk to Wade while she is still here, she will be furious, but I know she will never agree to our marriage." She began to sob, "We have to hurry, Jake. If we wait too long, someone will know."

Wade slammed his hand into the barn door, throwing it open furiously. "Someone will know what?"

Ella paled and became weak with fear, crouching in the hay. Her hair was tumbled and her dress was dirty. Beside her, a young boy stared at Wade, unable to speak.

Wade repeated, "What is going on? What is the secret?" His volume began to raise furiously, unable to face his worst fears.

Jake rose reluctantly, "Um, we were just talking, Wade. There is nothing going on. I'll just be going now." Jake tried to push his way past Wade, but Wade caught him in the doorway and threw him back to the ground beside Ella.

"Ella, what are you doing in this place? You know you are not to leave the house without a chaperone, especially with some boy. What kind of man are you to shame a lady in this manner?" Jake stared at him, trembling, not knowing how to respond.

Quickly, Ella regained her composure. She wiped the tears from her face and pushed her tangled hair back from her face then smoothed her dress as she stood. "We need to talk, Wade, but now is not the time."

"You will tell me now, or you will not leave." Wade stood his ground, unwilling to compromise.

Seeing that Wade could not be persuaded to move, Ella began to beg, "At least let Jake go. I cannot speak about such things in front of him. Please, Wade, do not disgrace me any further."

Wade slowly stepped aside and Ella nodded to Jake, motioning that she would be fine. After he had gone, Ella backed into a stall, waving for Wade to follow her. When she had caught her breath, she began slowly, "Wade, I have no one else to turn to. I am in trouble."

Wade calmed his breathing and reached for her hand, but she pulled it away, fearfully.

"Wade, Jake and I have been sneaking to see each other. I was afraid to bother Aunt Suellen, and she could not relinquish Prissy to chaperone, for she needed as much help as she could get when Will was sick." Tears began to run down her face, and she buried her head in her lap. When she stopped crying, she lifted her face. Wade could see the fear in her eyes, and she looked like a small frightened kitten. "Wade, I am in trouble. Jake and I have to be married soon. In a few weeks, I will start to show, and everyone will know."

Wade stared at her, unsure of what she meant then realization hit him. She had spent time with a young man, whom he suddenly remembered she had mentioned on his last visit. They had intended to be married, but had committed marital acts before the ceremony. Now, because she had been left alone, she was in trouble that would not only reflect on her, but on her unborn child, and the rest of the family.

His mind raced, uncertain of solutions, but certain of where to place blame. His mind raced back to the words of his mother so long ago when she relayed his responsibility to his younger sister. He had not been here to protect his younger sister. He had shirked his responsibilities in order to attend school which meant nothing now. He was to blame for her misfortune, and he would have to find a solution somehow. As he gazed at his sister sitting beside him, his pulse slowed as he realized that she was a scared young child with no where else to turn. He delicately patted her hand, trying to comfort her, but she could not calm down until she knew that everything would be fine, and at this moment he had no guarantee.

"Don't worry, Ella, I will think of something. Dry your eyes before someone notices that you are missing and they find you here. Go back into the house and pretend as if there is nothing wrong. I will be along shortly. I need some time to think." Ella nodded like a young child following the orders of her father then she quickly rose and walked to the house, wiping her tears on her freshly ironed apron.

As Wade sat there alone, he thought of all the things that had gone so terribly wrong in his life, and yet he had no way to remedy his own misfortunes. And though this issue seemed minor in his mind compared to the load he already carried, he knew that to Ella, the world was crumbling around her. He realized that for the time being, he must lay aside his own grief and focus on Ella. It was his brotherly duty to protect her from scorn. Slowly, a plan began to form in his mind. The details were sketchy and the plan seemed almost absurd, but he would find a way to keep Ella safe, for now he was not only a big brother, but he would soon be an uncle.

Wade rose from his seat in the corner of the barn and mounted Silver. He decided to carry on with his morning duties before carrying out his plan to help Ella. As he rode through the pasture, he saw that all of the cows would survive, but only a few of them would be healthy enough to sell this summer. He had to keep an eye on six of them for they would be calving within the next month or so. He knew from experience that when cows were ready to have their calves, they often found a secluded place. Being that the pasture was clear, they would have to travel a distance to a brushy spot. Hopefully he could round them up and place them in the barn right before it was time.

He continued to ride through the fields, wondering how he would ever get the fields ready in time to plant. With only one man on the job, he would have to start quickly or find someone to help. The fields had grown brushy without the constant attention and care that Will had provided. He would have to clear weeds and brush and plow within two months in order to get the cotton seed in the ground by May. He was suddenly thankful that Will had shown such an interest in teaching him about the land, or he would have no idea of what needed to be done. The entire family depended on him for their survival, and because Will had taken the time to teach him, he knew what needed to be done.

As he continued to ride, think, and plan, he realized that he had wandered off of Tara's land and on to the Fontaine plantation. He rode around looking at their progress. He had heard that Alex Fontaine had recruited five families to lien a piece of his property and was faring well. Each family had taken one of the old slave quarters to live in while they worked a plot of land. Mr. Fontaine would reap the benefits of their labor, and the family had a place to live. It was a hard life in the small cabins for although they were up kept, they were small and primitive. One of the cabins had been reserved as a small store where the tenants bought supplies. This arrangement helped the people who did not have the means of transportation to get them to Jonesboro for basic supplies and the tools necessary for working their plots. However, Wade had heard that the supplies and tools were overpriced and most of the tenants had become indebted beyond their expected pay for the next five years. Wade wondered how Mr. Fontaine had managed to find tenants and if there were more available. He could certainly use the help managing the work.

He continued to ride, enjoying the cool air and the silence, but he knew that Cole was at home waiting for him, so he started to turn Silver back on the road to Tara. Just as he rounded the corner, he noticed a lovely young woman walking around the small garden behind the big house. Her long blond curls flowed freely down her back, and Wade gasped as he recognized Emily. He slowed to a stop, gazing at her as she strode slowly through the short bushes, wandering in a meandering line as if she were daydreaming. His mind returned to the first moment he saw her when he hid from her sight, and he realized that he had ducked behind a row of trees so that she would not see him watching her. His heart ached with what could have been, for he still loved her with a passion that he had not felt in years. But he knew that she would never love him again. He had pledged his life to another, and although she had gone away, Emily could never look at him in the same light. She would never accept Cole as a part of his life to be taken into her own. Gazing upon her, Wade drew up his reins, conceding to his loss. Knowing that he would never see her eyes shine with love for her again, he rode toward Tara, forgetting his broken heart by concentrating on the discussion he would soon have with Scarlett.

Wade returned to Tara, avoiding Scarlett until the perfect moment when she was available for conversation. He found Ella holding Cole with a bottle, and she smiled at him, thinking of holding her own child soon. As she rocked him, Cole stared up at her, fingering the bottle with his tiny fingers and blinking furiously as he fought sleep. Just a few moments later, though, his lids became too heavy and he closed his eyes, still sucking furiously. The door slammed loudly as Cat came pounding into the room, anxious to hold the baby which she had claimed as her own since her arrival. Her sudden entrance startled Cole for a second then he closed his eyes again as the warm milk filled his tiny tummy. As soon as Cat saw that he was sleeping, she tiptoed out of the room, leaving Ella and Cole to doze in the rocking chair.

That evening, as they gathered around the dining table, Wade listened as Suellen said grace, thanking God for the food, family, and the help that He had sent after Will passed away. Wade opened his eyes and looked around the table, amazed at his large family. All three of his cousins had come down to eat this evening. They had spent the last couple of weeks in their room, grieving for their father, and although they had paled with lack of sunlight, they looked rested and lovely. Within a few minutes they began their bickering, and the table seemed almost normal. Beside them, Ella glowed with happiness, knowing that Wade had taken on her problem. She had faith beyond comprehension in her older brother, and she knew that her life was safe once she had placed it in his hands. Beside her, Scarlett sat blissfully unaware of the bomb that Wade was about to drop. She concentrated on Suellen, making sure she ate enough to keep her strong. Cat sat between Scarlett and Rhett. She chatted happily with Ella and her cousins, telling unbelievable stories of Ireland. Rhett lounged back in his chair, amused with Cat's stories.

As Wade looked around he wondered what each person held in their hearts. Each one had their own share of grief. The older generation had traveled down a long, hard road, watching the destruction of a civilization, and survived to raise a new generation of survivors. His heart swelled with pride as he recognized a new facet to a family he had so long taken for granted. He recognized a common respect between them, and although they maintained their differences, he saw a compassion for one another that he had never seen before, brought about by mutual grief for a respected loved one that left their presence far too soon. As he considered the road he was about to take, he battled silently for he knew he must disrupt the peace in order to save it.

Wade swallowed deeply, "Aunt Suellen, Ella and I have been talking about the wedding. How would you feel about moving forward with the wedding as planned?" Wade glared at Suellen, silently willing her to play along.

Scarlett's head lifted suddenly. Her eyes flickered in surprise as she heard her fork slam onto the plate in front of her. "What wedding? Who would dare speak of a wedding only two weeks after burying our dearest Will?"

"I know that it is soon and Aunt Suellen is still in mourning, but surely you remember that Ella and Jake announced their engagement over a year ago," Wade reminded his mother gently.

Scarlett slammed her fist on the table causing glasses filled with water to spill over onto the table cloth. "No one spoke with me about Ella's marriage not did I ever approve an engagement!"

Ella's eyes flew wide with astonishment then she rose quickly to grab a towel to clean up the spilled water. Wade continued speaking in a calm tone, "Mother, Ella wrote to you about her engagement. Did you not receive a letter?"

Scarlett's face grew red with anger, "No she did not! Nor did I speak with any young beau that intended to ask for her hand. I simply forbid it!" She turned her gleaming green eyes on her sister, ready to pounce with furious anger. "Suellen, did you know about this?" Suellen stared at her then back to Wade, dumbfounded.

Wade returned her uneasy look with reassurance then interrupted Scarlett's tirade, "Jake spoke with Will. That was an appropriate decision considering he was the man of the house in which Ella resides, further, he and I spoke last summer when Louise and I were here." Wade turned his stare towards Scarlett daring her to refute his opinion. When Ella returned to take her seat, Wade softened his gaze and turned to her, "Ella, you did write to Mother in Charleston didn't you?"

Ella lowered her eyes, afraid to look at Scarlett as she lied softly, "Yes, Wade I did. Maybe I wrote the address incorrectly or maybe you have not returned to Charleston and the letter is waiting for you there."

"I would remember receiving a letter from you, Ella, especially concerning such an important matter. Regardless, I forbid this union. I have not met this young man, and I do not intend to have my daughter married to some backwoods monster whom I have never met, and that is the end of this discussion." Scarlett rose from the table, throwing her napkin on her unfinished plate of food then stormed out of the room. Around the table, glances of confusion, betrayal, and discouragement were exchanged, and though the plan had not been executed to Wade's satisfaction, in his mind, he saw doors opening for Ella. The evening continued in silence until each person bid goodnight and retired to their quarters still wondering what had just transpired and how the dilemma would end.

Wade took Cole to his own room, for although Aunt Suellen had offered to allow Cole to use the nursery, Wade refused politely, unwilling to part with his son for only the night. Cole woke often during the night, hungry because his normal nourishment lacked the sustenance that would have been gained if he had been fed by his mother. So night after night, Wade would rock the child for hours, holding him closely, feeding him, and starving himself of rest in order to provide comfort for his small boy.

The sun woke Wade with a blazing force of late spring. He opened his eyes slowly, realizing that he had once again fallen asleep in the rocking chair with Cole, and he stared at the streams of sunlight trickling through the open window and felt the light breeze blowing the white lace curtains. Looking down, he saw his beautiful son lying in his arms, and he was amazed at how his son had grown in the past few months. It seemed like years since he had been born and his life had completely changed. At one time he had imagined that Louise would welcome their son home from college, but now that vision had changed, and he realized once again that he was utterly alone. For just a moment he allowed thoughts of destruction and negativity to play in his mind, and then he pushed them away, focusing on his current mission, raising his son and taking care of Tara.

He dressed himself and his son then walked downstairs to breakfast before beginning his morning chores. When he arrived, he found Suellen in the kitchen finishing breakfast and Scarlett sitting at the table as if she were a royal princess waiting to be served. Her cup of brewed coffee sat before her, and she gazed out of the window in a deep trance. As Wade clomped noisily down the stairs, she started suddenly and masked her face, hiding her former thoughts, masking her emotion that lie underneath a cool façade.

She quickly bade her niece to retrieve Ella with the excuse that she needed to speak with her then picked up her cup to slowly sip her coffee. When she laid it down on the prim hand knitted doily, Wade noticed steam rising slowly in curls, swirling lazily to the sky just as Scarlett lazed in the chair, eyes turned toward the ceiling, avoiding Wade's glance.

Both were startled as Susie ran down the stairs loudly screaming, "Aunt Scarlett, Aunt Scarlett, Ella is gone!" Scarlett stared at Susie without emotion, incomprehensive of the girl's words. Susie waved a piece of paper in front of her, "She ran off with that boy Jake, Aunt Scarlett. She said she was bound and determined to get married, and she does not care what you say, Aunt Scarlett. Is she gonna get a whoopin'?"

Scarlett rose quickly and grabbed the paper from Susie's hand and read each line carefully. Then she dropped to her seat and read each line again as if digesting each word for the first time. Her face wrinkled with confusion as her eyes drifted back and forth across the page until finally, realization hit her and she understood Ella's intentions. Wade watched her carefully, seeing the blood wash through her face, turning it bright red then pale as a ghost.

Susie hopped up and down. Though she was only a year younger than Ella, she suddenly became immature at the thought of Ella's trouble. "Her clothes are gone, too, Aunt Scarlett. How long does she plan on being gone?"

Scarlett ignored her question, staring blankly at the sheet of paper, suddenly aware of her actions, her words on the previous evening which left Ella with no refute, and her lack of attention during the span of her life. She quickly rebuked those thoughts and turned on Suellen. "Suellen, where are you?" Scarlett screamed to the top of her lungs, as she stomped through the house searching for her sister.

When Scarlett found Suellen in the kitchen, she stopped in front of her, stared her in the eyes and slapped her sharply across the face. Suellen's head flew back in response to the blow. Recovering quickly, she bit her tongue until she felt tiny droplets of blood drop into her cheek.

Scarlett seethed with anger, "What do you have to do with this?" Scarlett spat angrily as she threw the paper into Suellen's hands. Suellen read the letter carefully then lifted her head, piercing Scarlett with her blazing eyes.

"I know nothing of this. She is your daughter; do you feel no responsibility for her?"

Scarlett balled her fists at her side, restraining from slamming her fist into the side of Suellen's face. "You know I only heard of this boy last night. You were supposed to be watching her and taking care of her. What do you know of this boy that Will gave her permission to marry without my consent?"

Suellen snarled at Scarlett, silently grateful that her seemingly perfect life had finally taken a turn, "I know that he is a good boy. He is from a family with nothing, but who has anything anymore." Suellen's eyes glistened for a moment as she began to take pleasure in Scarlett's sudden misfortune. "Why do you care, anyway? You left her here with me many years ago. Quite frankly, she cannot hurt your name or your fortune. If you want to know the truth, you drove her to this with your hasty decision making. You caused this, the damage is done, once again you can flee, avoid the pain and misery. Just leave that to us to deal with, just as you have always done in the past." Suellen smirked at Scarlett as she spoke the evil words, baiting Scarlett with venomous words, hoping she would physically attack her once more when she was prepared.

Scarlett cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders before turning sharply and marching out of the room. As she marched pass the breakfast table, she paused for a moment to look at Wade, searching his face. He remained silent, keeping his eyes on the coffee which had cooled and the steam had ceased to rise.

He pondered the situation, realizing his own responsibility. His plan had not gone quite so well, and he had driven his sister out into the world at such a young age. He worried that this young man that she chose was not fit. He had met him only once, and though he seemed to be concerned for her safety and well-being, he had seen the repercussions of living with an angry man, and he only hoped that she would return soon so that he could keep an eye on her.

As he sat there, deliberating Ella's future, Suellen walked into the room and carefully sat in the chair across from him, laid her hands on the table, and stared at him with eyes that could pierce his soul. He tried to avoid her gaze unsuccessfully, and finally, his eyes rose to meet hers. Immediately, fear and shame washed over him as he realized that she had born the brunt of his actions while being kept in the dark.

Suellen dropped her gaze as she ran her fingertip across the table, wiping away a speck of dust that had just lightly fallen. When she looked back into Wade's eyes, she seemed to consider her words carefully. "Are you ready to tell me what is going on here?" Her voice was low and unthreatening, but Wade still felt a shiver run down his spine.

He fumbled for a moment, unsure of how much to tell her, but knowing he would have to reveal far more than he had ever intended. "I am sorry I dragged you into this mess without forewarning. Although I cannot reveal full details, please believe that my intentions for Ella were positive."

"Of course I believe that. I am quite aware of your honor which is why I was utterly shocked to hear you lie to your mother. You know that Will never granted permission for Ella to marry, and I had no idea there was to be any wedding."

Wade hung his head while his face burned with shame. He remembered that his Aunt Melly had warned him to never lie, and once again, in spite of good intentions, he had to tell an untruth. "I know that you and Will never had any part of this. I cannot tell you why, but I had to protect Ella." Wade raised his eyes, hoping that Aunt Suellen would not ask him for further explanation. His heart ached with the burden of such a great secret, but Ella would be shamed if he told. Wade positioned himself to bear Ella's shame in order to protect her.

Suellen nodded, "I respect your privacy, but I would like to know if you abetted her decision to run away. Although I do not know her reasons, I cannot imagine they would outweigh the scar she has placed on her marriage and on this family by committed such a disreputable act."

Wade nodded his head with understanding then shook it vehemently, "No, Aunt Suellen, I promise I had nothing to do with her elopement. I knew that Mother would eventually agree to her marriage, especially when she uncovered Jake's great wealth and land ownership." He stopped for a moment, staring at Ella's empty seat at the table, envisioning her sitting there, "I guess Ella just could not wait to find out."

Suellen closed her eyes briefly then fluttered them open again, "I guess there is nothing that can be done, now. Hopefully she will return before she makes a mistake, but I would not count on that." Suellen smiled, shaking her head, "As much as Ella would protest, she is her mother's child. Scarlett made rash decisions many times that she soon learned to regret. Ella is as passionate as her mother."

Wade grinned widely, knowing she spoke the truth.

Suellen's disposition changed. Her smile faded quickly as she changed the subject and reached out to lay her hand on top of his. "Wade, I am afraid I have something to discuss with you, and I am not sure how you are going to react." She swallowed, closing her eyes again. Wade suddenly noticed how very tired she looked. Her dark eyes held blue rings underneath and sagged at the corners. Her face showed signs of age like he had never seen before, and he was suddenly aware of her recent trauma. His heart ached for her and strings of guilt pulled at his heart as he realized that he had been so focused on his own discord that he had not even recognized his Aunt's fatigue.

"Wade, I will probably not be here when Ella returns, so I am afraid you will have to handle that situation on your own. But you are a strong boy. I have faith that you can handle anything that comes your way, just as you have handled much tougher situations before, some of which I thought would certainly whoop you." Her tired lips curved upward in a tight smile.

Wade's eyes grew wide, unsure of what she was saying. "Why would you not be here? Are you ill?"

"I am fine, dear." Suellen looked around the dining room with discontent. "Without Will, there is no reason for me to stay. Truthfully, I have always hated this place." Suellen's eyes drifted into a far away place, "One time, I made the mistake of telling your mother that I hated Tara." She giggled, "That is a mistake I never made again. I am sometimes convinced that my face is still stinging from that strike." She shook her head, trying to shake the memories.

Wade still did not comprehend exactly what she meant. Her words had begun to scramble in his head, and he could not focus on her words. Her eyes snapped back to Wade's face, and she knew that she had lost course and had confused him. Suddenly her eyes focused and her back straightened, "I have decided that the girls and I are going to Savannah. We are going to stay with some family for a while. I think the girls would benefit from being in society rather than stuck out here in the middle of nowhere in this God-forsaken land."

Wade felt the sting of her words as if he had been slapped. This land that he loved was being attacked by one person who had taught him to love it. Now, in spite of her hard work, she was abandoning her home, searching for greener pastures, and in reality, escaping the memories which had begun to haunt her so vividly. "I do not know what to say. This is very shocking." Wade unconsciously twisted his hands and ground his teeth so that the grinding soon reached Suellen's ears.

She reached her hand across the table again, "You will be fine." She smiled at him and patted his hands then rose quickly, unwilling to hear any argument. She knew that although her mind was made up, he could easily talk her into staying, and she had to run from this death trap before it could wrap its claws around her, never allowing her to leave, sucking the very life from her being.

Wade stared after her, willing her to stay, yet making no effort to retain her. He looked down at Cole, sitting complacently in his lap, playing with his own fingers. His mind reeled with Suellen's words, still unconvinced of their reality, not wanting to admit the truth. Yet as he gazed upon his son, reality began to take form, and he suddenly realized that once again he was utterly alone. He had lost countless people in his life, each one leaving a scar so that his heart had become callous and hard, yet so tender that the thought of losing one more tore at him so that he grimaced holding back tears of rage and frustration. Cole whimpered, catching Wade's attention, and he realized that his grip on the boy had become tighter, and he quickly relaxed his hold.

His eyes drifted around the room and he suddenly understood that he would soon be trapped alone in this large home with his mother, Cat, and Rhett. The thought was more than he could possibly bear. He had never felt comfortable with that woman, and now he was here with her, alone, unprotected by the swarms of people that usually revolved around them. Suddenly, he jumped from his seat. He had to run. He had to get out of this place before the walls began to tumble around him. His heart raced furiously as he held Cole tightly and began running through the house. He slammed through the back door and ran through the fields to the creek, unaware of the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Chapter 24

When he finally reached his quiet place under the trees, he plopped himself down with Cole in his lap and rocked him back and forth gently with his eyes closed, breathing the serenity of his surroundings. His mind raced over the events of his life, as he fought desperately for everything he ever had, felt, or needed. And yet, after each battle, brief victory was followed by loss, torment, and pain. Why did he continue to fight? What was he fighting for now? There seemed to be no end to his misery or to his battle for some sense of control over his own life. Every moment of every day he continued to struggle for each breath and with each struggle, becoming emotionally depleted.

He realized that every muscle in his body ached as though he had been carrying such a heavy load for years. His shoulders drooped and his chest felt as if thousands of pounds of weight were sitting on him, causing him to gasp for breath. His head pounded, and he longed to lay his head down in the thick undergrowth and rest. He felt no inspiration to continue on. His heart was empty, he was exhausted, and he felt utterly lost.

Wade opened his eyes for a moment to look down at the tiny bundle in his lap sitting quietly and fearful. He knew there was no way he could raise this child on his own. He had counted on Aunt Suellen to help him, but she was deserting them, leaving them to their own devices of survival, when he felt no desire to survive. He felt no urge to continue to live in such painful misery.

He closed his eyes, wondering if Mr. Johnson would still take Cole as his own. Wade could escape. He could slip away from this mess, these responsibilities, and the burdens that followed him daily. He could find refuge in some city far away, starting a new life without his past haunting him.

Suddenly, he felt two arms slip around his shoulders, and without looking up, he slumped into them, hiding from the world pushing in around him. He laid his head on the strong shoulder that supported him, and felt himself relax in the arms that held him naturally, as if they had always been there, as if this place in time was exactly where he was meant to be. He felt fingers stroke his hair as his breathing slowed and he began to come to his senses, realizing where he was and how he had come to be there.

When he raised his eyes, he saw a set of blue eyes facing his own. He immediately recognized the face of his blonde angel and he returned her smile weakly. He quickly wiped the tears from his face, trying to hide his weakness, knowing that she had rescued him from his own thoughts. They sat in silence for a few moments basking in the rekindling of their connection.

Finally, Wade gathered the courage to raise his eyes, "I did not expect to see you here. How did you know I was here?"

"I come here often. It reminds me of when we were young." Emily smiled with a faraway look in her eyes.

Wade smiled as he remembered the first moment she enchanted him with her beauty when they were young children. So much time had passed and yet she still held him captive without even knowing it. He longed to reach out and touch her face, but he restrained himself, fearing her rejection.

Emily dropped her arms from his shoulders and reached out to place her hand on top of his, stroking Cole's tiny head with her other hand. "He is such a beautiful boy. He takes after you."

Wade beamed at the boy in his lap, echoing in his mind the features that resembled Cole's mother.

Emily dropped her hands into her lap, "I have seen you ride around our place, but you didn't stop." She avoided his haze as she continued, "I was glad to see that you had returned to Tara, but I haven't seen much of you lately."

Wade remained silent, unsure of how to respond. His heart ached to tell her of his undying passion. He longed to stroke her hair and tell her he missed her terribly. He craved to feel her lips on his, kissing away his explanations and excuses. He yearned to hold her in his arms once again, but pride stood in the way of his devotion. He could not fathom the crushing blow of even one more disappointment, and so he said nothing.

He watched her as she bit her lip nervously. Taking a deep breath, words began to tumble from her lips. "I do not know exactly who orchestrated the plot against us or how we could recover. I do not know if you still love me or how you will respond to my words, but I cannot leave this place knowing that I let you go." She tilted her head, demanding that he meet her eyes, "I only know that I love you and you have to know that. I have loved you since the day I saw you watching me pick berries. I loved you when you rescued me from my father then followed me to Texas, and I have waited for you anxiously hoping that you would return to me. Somehow, God has answered my prayers and brought you home to me and situated us in this specific time and place. Where we go from here is up to you."

Wade slowly released a deep breath as peace warmed his body like a blanket. He suddenly knew what he had been fighting for. He had toiled his entire life to establish his family, and here it was within arms reach.

Chapter 25

Nearly twenty years had passed since he and Emily had begun their life together, but here in Scarlett's presence, he still felt as if he were a young child, hoping for a sign of acceptance. He did remember, and as he ran the details of his life and his mother's role in it through his mind, he only felt more insignificant in her sight. He felt no comfort in his memories, only pain and agony as the years of struggle forced themselves into his mind. He said nothing as he gazed at her in wonder.

Scarlett swallowed, "Wade, I know that I have never said it before, but I am proud of you. I see what you have made Tara, how you have cultivated your family, and how you have become a man. You are far stronger than I ever imagined."

Wade ducked his head, unsure of how to respond to such words of endearment. These were the words he had longed to hear throughout his life, yet they left him feeling empty. He did not feel the satisfaction he had imagined.

When he did not respond, Scarlett struggled desperately to sit up in her bed, gaining control with her piercing glance. "Wade, did you hear me?"

Wade nodded slowly, "I heard you, Mother, but I am slightly confused. Why would you reveal these things to me now?" He raised his head and peered directly into her eyes, gaining confidence by the moment. "What do you stand to gain by plying me with your kindness?"

Scarlett's eyes grew round with feigned injury, and as in her youth, her lips pouted slightly, "Why, Darling, how could you accuse me of such things? I only wanted to share my thoughts with you." She withdrew her hand from his and began to twist them childishly, "I understand that I have waited far too long to reconcile, but you must believe me when I tell you that I am truly remorseful for all of my mistakes, and I do hope that you will forgive me." She looked up to reveal tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.

Wade felt as though he was being baited, yet the strings of his heart were beginning to unravel despite his desperate attempts to keep her at bay. He rose from his chair and began to pace around the room. He turned to her, "What exactly has brought this sudden remorse?"

"Oh, Darling, please quit pacing. You are making me frightfully nervous." She reached for the handkerchief by her bedside that had been embroidered with a capital R. "I know that I was not the best mother to you or to Ella. However, I did the best that I could at the time. I am not making excuses, but I am trying to explain that I was not ready for motherhood, widowhood, or the war, and quite truthfully, I admit that I spent the better part of my life chasing after dreams that did not exist and could never come true. I cheated you of your childhood, but you have become a better man because of it." She tipped her head quickly, quite sure of herself and her explanation.

"That does not explain your sudden change of heart." Wade stared at her, unwilling to allow her to wriggle her way back into his life.

She sighed deeply and fluttered her eyes for a moment trying to sort the words she had painfully rehearsed. "I simply want to make amends." She lifted her hands in the air as if she had said exactly what she had planned and she knew of nothing else. She dropped them quickly letting them thud on the bed on either side of her.

Wade continued to pace, tapping his fingers on his chin. His brow knitted in deep concentration, judging her response. "What do you want? Do you need money?"

"You know that Rhett left me plenty of money." Tears began to run down her cheeks as she began to speak, losing her breath, "I need you, Wade. I am very ill, and Rhett is gone, and Cat is married, and I need to be at Tara, Wade. I want to stay home where I can rest. I want to get to know you and your children, and my great grand-children before I pass on to join Rhett." She dabbed at her eyes, hiccupping and trying to catch her breath.

Wade strode to her side and held her hand. He raised it to his lips and kissed it gently. His heart suddenly became unsheathed. He saw her weakness, her fear of loneliness and suddenly it became clear to him that he had lived much as she had. He had fought tooth and nail to salvage each relationship only to find it in ruin, yet they had both succeeded in the end. Once they had won their true loves, they understood their worth and their place in the world through the reflection in their lover's eyes. The words that he had longed to hear could never replace the look he saw in her eyes at that moment. His own reflection was one of strength and dignity. He had finally won her approval, not of his own doing, but within her search for fulfillment she found what she had been missing for years, the approval of her child.

As he knelt beside her, he felt her fingers stroking his hair gently for a few moments. Her movements became less pronounced until she was still. Wade slowly raised his head to see her eyes had closed and her chest had stopped its rise and fall. A look of peace rested on her face unlike he had ever seen, and he realized that her smile was lovely and childlike. He stood and reached down to kiss her cheek.

"Good-bye, Mother, I love you, too."

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