(Music)
This is Coach Lee
and in this video,
I'm going to answer a question
that I get often which is,
does no contact work on women?
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That doesn't just
include breakups,
that includes attraction,
relationship dynamics,
anxiety, mindfulness,
and other areas that are
important to your life.
So, as a breakup coach, I
talk about no contact a lot.
I have a lot of videos
about no contact,
but even at that,
people will post in
the comment section
informing me that no contact
does not work on women.
Thanks for that.
I want to set the record
straight on this.
There are other
coaches out there
who will tell you that
no contact doesn't
work on women.
But if you buy my
kit, my magic kit,
I'll tell what does.
Now, I'm not against
this particular
person having a kit.
As a matter of fact,
I like the guy.
I've even referred people
to certain videos of his
where I thought he nailed it.
But he and I respectfully
disagree on this.
Now, I base it on
professional observation,
because I do coaching calls,
I actually talk to people who
have been dumped and are
trying to get their ex back.
I talk to men and
I talk to women,
and I talk to a bunch of them.
Many of you who are
watching this video have
probably been on a
coaching call with me
and on top of that, I
have nearly 20 years
in the relationship
recovery service,
and this 20 years was
not just me reading
and being told things
by other people who
also call themselves coaches.
This was me observing
this things.
Hearing results of coaching
and workshops intended
to save relationships.
I'm not your mum or your buddy,
unless we are buddies
in which case,
hey buddy.
I don't just tell you things
that I think sound good.
I'm not going for just a
sound bite here to get
thousands of more video views.
I like video views,
as a matter of fact,
it'd make me really happy
if you click the
subscribe button below
and click the thumbs up,
or left a comment tell me
what you think of this video.
I try to interact with people
when they leave comments.
I can't get to all of them,
because a lot of time
there are several
hundred comments made in a day
and as you can tell
there's just one of me.
No contact works on women
just like it works on men
and most of the time
it works beautifully.
Does it work every time?
No it doesn't.
It doesn’t work every
time on women.
It doesn’t work
every time on men.
It doesn't work every
time on smurfs.
It doesn't work every time.
I can't make it work
every time because
there are many factors
involved in a breakup
and some people
respond differently,
but I can tell you
that most of the time
it works on a man
and most of the time
it works on a woman.
Those are
as close to facts as you can get
because it's based on
observational data.
I am looking at cases
and seeing the results,
and all it takes is one
for this theory that no
contact doesn't work on women
to be blown out of the water
because it does. As
a matter of fact,
just so you know,
I have four emails today
already telling me
that no contact worked
on a girlfriend.
In fact, it's not just that
no contact works on women,
I'm not just pointing to a
few cases here and there.
I hear of it every single day.
Not a day goes by
that it does not work on a woman
who has broken up with a
guy that I'm coaching.
It works on women for the
same reason it works on men
because when you go
into no contact,
it ushers this person
into the stages that
follow a breakup
if you give them the breakup.
Now, if you fight,
and beg, and plead,
and contact them
trying to get them to
stay in the relationship
then, they don't get to
go into this stages,
and I have a video called
stages your ex goes through
during no contact.
I'll link to it in the
description below.
But this stages include relief,
curiosity, concern, and
that's when it gets good.
Because usually they reach
out to you after that point,
you want them to go into
relief right after.
Let them get that over with,
let them feel like, you know,
I've made this big decision,
it was awkward but I
made myself tell him.
I push through, I know it hurt
him, I didn't wanna do it,
gotten it over with ahh,
let him get it over with
and if you back away and
go into no contact,
you don't really have to
experience it, or see it.
Let them get relief over with.
The sooner the better and then,
when they're not hearing from
you because you are in no
contact,
because it does work on women.
Then they become curious.
Why are you not
reaching out to them?
And we hear all the time
about the male ego,
and sure, men have egos,
masculine alpha males can
have a little bit of
an ego some times,
and you know what, some
women find a little bit
of an ego to be attractive.
Doesn't mean you be
an arrogant jerk,
but having confidence in
your self is a good thing.
You know what, women also
have confidence in themselves.
There are women
out there, plenty
who have massive egos,
coz I speak to them
and sometimes they would tell me
about how physically attractive
they are and beautiful
and that's why this
guy is into them.
So, women can have egos too,
and no contact
affects their ego.
Why are you not chasing them?
Do you not know how
wonderful they are?
Are you just done?
Are you able to just walk away
after they've dumped you?
Because when they dumped you,
all dumpers have arrogance.
Now, they may act all humble
like they don't wanna hurt you,
but when you dump someone,
it is an ego boost because
you're basically rejecting them.
In some ways you're saying,
I'm better than you, you're
not good enough for me,
and so, it's a
boost to their ego
and when you don't chase,
takes that ego boost right back.
Turns the tables as
a matter of fact
because they expect
you to chase,
to not be able to
stay away from them,
to not be able to
live without them,
and when you show
them that you can,
it hits that ego,
it hits that female ego.
Now, some women are a
little more comfortable
with time apart than men
because they have been taught
since they were little girls
that the key to men is
to play hard to get.
Now, if you read a lot
of relationship experts,
that has been basically
kicked to the trash heap.
Men hate hard to get.
If you're a lady watching this,
you're into guys, men
hate hard to get because
most of us have
experienced rejection.
We've walked up and asked
a pretty girl out,
asked her to the movies,
asked her to the prom,
and we've been told no.
Most women on the other hand,
even in our modern world
do not approach men
and ask for a date.
They expect the men
to come to them,
and so it's set up
to where men have
experienced a lot of rejection.
So, many of you,
many of us have PTSD
when it comes to
approaching and asking
and so, if it seems like
it's gonna be difficult
and we experienced a mild
form of rejection once,
we're not gonna bang our head
against the wall a second time.
Most of us don't wanna
go there again,
it hurts.
We'd rather pursue a
woman we think likes us
and wants to be with us and
doesn't try to play head games
with us.
Don't know how that's a
surprise to anyone,
but yeah, hard to
get doesn't work,
but they're taught that it does
from when they're little girls
and they're taught stay away
from him, let him come to you.
Which some of that's
really good advice.
Sometimes you should stay away
and let them come to you.
Especially after a breakup,
that's how no contact works,
but they're a little more
comfortable with it,
but what they're not used to
is it being used on them.
Which is another reason
it does work on women.
It works well.
Will it work on every case?
No it can't, humans
aren't math problems.
Other people can
be in the picture,
other factors,
situations in life
that I don't even
have time to get into
and it can always be
that they just weren't
really that into you.
There's all kinds of
things it can be.
So, weird when some guy says,
well, no contact
doesn't work on women
because I did it and
it didn't work.
Well, it doesn't
work in every case
and unfortunately it didn't work
in that case at least not yet
but these cases where it works,
most of the time cannot be
dismissed and should not.
If you want your
girlfriend back,
go into no contact after
she breaks up with you.
Give her the breakup, let her
see that you're not chasing
let her see that
you can stay away.
Let her see that you are
strong without her.
Don't let her see you
beg and ask for mercy.
It's a very weak position.
It's not a masculine position
and guys will sometimes,
this is thought in the moment.
Guys don't think about this over
long periods of time and make
this decision,
but they would feel in
the moment if I just,
if I show her that
I'm even willing to
give up my masculinity.
I'm willing to drop to my knees,
fold my hands together and beg
and look weak in front of her
just to show how much I care,
that I'm even willing
to give up that.
It is not attractive,
you feel like it might be in
a moment that she would say,
wow! He really loves me
because he's doing this,
but you know, she
already knows that
as a matter of fact,
they breakup with you,
they know that you love them.
Now, you might,
now, you might not be loving
them like they want to be loved,
which is certainly a reason
for them to breakup with you
and the temptation then
is that well, I should show
her how much I love her
since that's why she
broke up with me.
She broke up with me with me because
I wasn't being affectionate enough,
and I wasn't telling her
I loved her enough or
something like that, wasn't
giving her enough of my time.
So, I'm gonna totally do
it now and that'll fix it.
No it won't because the
dynamics have changed.
You were a couple then.
If you'd gotten with me while
you were a couple and said,
you know, she says I don't do
this enough and I would say
yeah, you need to do that more.
But now you're broken
up, she's not your
girlfriend anymore, the
dynamics have changed.
As a matter of fact,
it's like a curtain call
at this point.
This particular show is over.
You want a new one, you want
to start over with her,
but something new
now fortunately,
the memories of the old
one can get you there.
She knows you care about her,
and when she breaks up with
you, she feels it even more.
That you're the one that
is being turned away.
This is the time when you have
to re-attract her and show
strength
and she will remember because
in all relationships,
there are times when you two
were in harmony with each other,
and things were
going well and you
were showing her you
loved her enough
to where she was
happy with things.
She will be able
to remember that
and especially if you
go into no contact,
that will be a big contrast.
No contact at all, she's not
hearing anything from you
versus when you
were affectionate,
when you were telling
her how you cared,
when you did hold her hand,
when you two would sit and
watch the sun set together.
She remembers those
things because
it's a stark contrast to not
hearing from you at all.
So, it actually
amplifies those things
and she can have the
opportunity to say
you know,
maybe I was wrong about it.
The biggest part of
no contact is that,
it creates the fear of loss
and even the feeling of loss.
Which as many
musicians have said
and books have said,
as humans we don't know what
we have until it's gone
and often times it takes us
fearing that we have lost this
person
to realize the mistake
of leaving her
and yes, I see it every day.
I have a video called
encouragement during no contact.
I really pump you up and
keep you on the road
to staying away and
getting her back.
If you wanna watch that video,
I will link to it in
the description below.
Does no contact work on women?
Yes it does.
I see it every day
and I realized that gives
me quite the advantage
as far as being able to
have position on this
and that you are just
trying to get information
and trying to get
your girlfriend back.
Well, I can tell you that I'm
more surprised when no contact
doesn't work on women,
far more surprised as a matter
of fact, a lot of times
after I'm surprised,
I'll get an email
a little bit latter saying
oh, she did reach out.
Sometimes it takes a little
bit more time than others,
especially if she is used to
you being the one to pursue,
but again that
beautiful fear of loss
where she can actually
realize she's losing you
and loss the ability to expect
you to reach out to her.
She will take matters
into her own hands
and one final time,
I'll just say
no it doesn't work
every single time.
It just doesn't, I
wish that it did.
What does, nothing in life works
every single time except taxes.
Don't get me started on that.
I do happen to have a kit
that will help you
get your ex back.
It's got good information in it.
It's called the
emergency breakup kit.
If this is your
first time or tenth time
dealing with a breakup,
you are thousands
of cases behind me
and I'd like to share
with you what I know,
and what I've seen,
and what works.
You can also schedule a
coaching call with me
and you can go to
MyExBackCoach.com to do that.
You want to get the
emergency breakup kit,
there is a link in the
description below,
or you can just go
to MyExBackCoach.com
and you can get it,
and it's me going through
several things including
what to do when she
starts to reach out to
you again after no contact.
What to do with long
distance breakups,
how you can re-establish
the connection,
how you can help her
feel that history and
realize that you're
not just any other guy,
that she had a connection
and a history with you that
she won't want to lose.
So, I go into all that in
my emergency breakup kit.
The link is in the
description below
or you can go to
MyExBackCoach.com
and to schedule that
coaching call with me
so that you can hopefully
be another success story.
You can go to MyExBackCoach.com
and you can schedule
the call there.
I really wish you the best.
I hope she comes back,
I see it happen a lot.
Your odds are best
when you stay away,
stay strong.
Thank you for watching.
(Music)
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