(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(CAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(ENGINE REVVING)
(CAR HORN HONKS)
RADIO ANNOUNCER 1: Visit Mike Vernon
Motors at 13631 Valley Boulevard.
That's 13631 Valley
Boulevard in Garden Grove.
And now, for our report from
the freeways, to Don Edwards
and KBMJ's eye in the sky.
Come in, Don.
(STATIC OVER RADIO)
MALE REPORTER: Thanks, Dick,
things seem to be pretty normal
on our Southland freeways,
which is to say they're just
about filled to capacity
at this hour of the morning.
There's a report of a stalled
vehicle in the number two lane
of the inbound San Diego Freeway
just south of Mulholland.
And we also have a
report of an accident
approximately half a mile
west of the 605 junction
of the Santa Ana Freeway.
Both vehicles are now up
on the center divider.
Traffic is still slow
and go in that area.
Traffic is also heavily congested
on the westbound Venture Freeway
from Woodman to Balboa
due to construction.
And we understand this condition
will last until 3:00 this afternoon.
Don Edwards in Airwatch 3.
Back to you.
RADIO ANNOUNCER 1: Thanks, Don.
The weather for today, as promised,
is a carbon copy of yesterday's,
low overcast this morning,
clearing by 11:00.
The National Weather Bureau says
the high today will be about 74,
low tonight in the high 50s.
At the beaches, temperatures
will stay in the pleasant 70s.
Water temperature in the 60s.
The APCD predicts light
to moderate eye irritation,
as if you hadn't already noticed.
I have.
And you know something?
You know how much
your dog likes meat?
Well, make sure that's
what he's getting...
(CHANGES STATION)
RADIO ANNOUNCER 2:
Grocery card double discount value
I mention each week,
is not one of a kind.
It's only one of hundreds
of double discounts
always available at Grocery Cart.
- The Giant 49...
- (CHANGES STATION)
RADIO ANNOUNCER 3: At the first
sign of any hemorrhoidal discomfort
treatment should begin at once.
Remarkably successful
results have been obtained
with a doctor-proven...
(CHANGES STATION)
(JAZZ TUNE PLAYING)
(CHANGES STATION)
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Five to three.
St. Louis, 6, the Giants, 4.
Milwaukee defeated
the Royals, 4 to 3.
Texas edged the Yankees, 5 to 4.
Pittsburgh and the Padres rained out.
- The Dodgers and Angels were both idle.
- (TRANSMISSION DISTORTING)
In golf, Dave Brewer
has a one-stroke lead
after the first round
of the Toronto Classic.
He shot a 5-under-par 67 with Lee
Trevino one stroke back at 68.
Three others tied four
strokes off the pace at 71.
Say, does your car need a new
muffler or new shock absorbers?
(CHANGING STATIONS)
(PHONE RINGING)
MAN ON RADIO:
You know about these census forms
...that the Census Bureau has
sent out to us all to fill in, right?
That will be the basis of this...
(RINGING CONTINUES)
- WOMAN ON PHONE: Census District Office.
- MAN: I would like some information.
I'm filling out my
census form right now
and I have an awful problem.
And I was wondering,
can somebody help me?
WOMAN: Go ahead.
MAN: Thanks. Oh, you're
gonna answer my question?
- WOMAN: Yes.
- MAN: Oh, good.
First of all, I just
wanted to say, uh,
I don't mind being
counted as an American.
I'm one of the silent majority.
But I wish you had made some of
those questions multiple choice.
Now, the question was, um,
are you the head of the family?
Well, quite frankly,
the day I married that woman
that, unfortunately, I've been
married to for the last 25 years...
- WOMAN: Oh!
- MAN: Well, it's true.
Well, I lost the position
as head of the family.
You see, what I do...
I stay home. I hate working.
I hate going out and seeing people
and getting involved in the rat
race and things like that.
So she works and I do the housework
and take care of the babies
and things like that.
And so, I was wondering,
you wanted honest answers.
Now, what I did,
I penciled in all of the marks
that you wanted marks in these circles
here that I see in front of me.
I penciled it in first, but I said,
"No, that's being dishonest.
"I'm really not the head of the family,
and yet I'm the man of the family."
Although there are people in the
neighborhood who would question that.
But nevertheless, I was wondering,
how should I answer that question?
WOMAN: Well, if you don't consider
yourself head of the household,
and you think that your wife
occupies that position,
I would suggest you put
your wife's name there.
MAN: Yes, but that's so embarrassing.
What will you people
think when I send it?
- WOMAN: Nobody is even going to know.
- MAN: Are you sure?
WOMAN: I'm positive.
No one will know about that.
We won't know you from
Adam's house cat.
MAN: I know. But there are
people in my neighborhood...
- WOMAN: They will never see that form.
- MAN: Are you sure?
WOMAN: No one in your
neighborhood will ever find out.
- MAN: I don't want people
to know about that.
- (COUGHING)
Quite frankly, I've lived
like this for 15 years,
and I admit, I wear a house dress.
It's so much easier to pick
up stuff in a house dress,
and, you know, slippers.
And, quite frankly,
I've adopted most...
Talk about pollution.
...of the average housewife,
and I'd hate for
anybody to know that.
Anyway, it's very
embarrassing, so would you...
WOMAN: All information that you
include on that form is confidential.
(RADIO BECOMES INAUDIBLE)
WOMAN: ...800,000 others.
MAN: So it would be all right?
I wanna be honest with you.
I'm really not the
head of the family.
She doesn't know I'm calling.
That woman just drives me up
the wall and over the other side.
I like doing this just
to get even with her.
(RADIO INAUDIBLE)
MAN: You know how women are before
you marry them. They're so nice.
And suddenly they
become so aggressive.
I mean, she became so
aggressive afterward.
Just took over everything. I mean...
WOMAN: Oh, no.
MAN: I'm afraid of her, you see.
I've been wanting to divorce her.
The first six months of marriage,
I knew I made a mistake.
But no, I got ahold of
this first, before she did.
I thought, "Well, I'll answer it."
But I wanted to be honest about it,
and I'm a man of conscience,
so I wanted to make sure,
if I put down I'm the
head of the family,
nobody would know the
difference, right?
WOMAN: No.
- MAN: I'll put it down...
- (RADIO INAUDIBLE)
- I really like you. Are you married?
- Hey!
When you get married,
don't be like that whippo
that I married. Would you?
WOMAN: (LAUGHS)
I'll try my best not to be.
MAN: All right.
Thank you so much.
It's nice talking to you.
WOMAN: You're welcome.
- MAN: Goodbye.
- WOMAN: Goodbye.
HOST ON RADIO:
This is Mr. Whittington.
CALLER ON RADIO:
You were talking to a Mr...
HOST: Oh, Valenti, the man
who blows bicycle pump
on the Ted Mack Original
Amateur Hour. Yes.
CALLER: Yes, well, uh, I've been trying
to get in touch with Mr. Mack myself.
Because, well, I've tried to...
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
Huh.
CALLER: Well, I play music
on something unusual myself.
HOST: Of course, we're always
looking for original amateur talent.
Mr. Valenti is unusual for the fact
that he not only blows Oh,
Johnny on the bicycle pump,
but also does nail file
on a high, flat table,
and also plays the
vacuum cleaner nozzle
It's a Great Day for the Irish.
- You say you do something unusual?
- CALLER: Yes.
- HOST: Well, what do you do, may I ask?
- CALLER: I play meat.
- HOST: You what?
- CALLER: I play meat.
(LAUGHS)
- HOST: You play meat?
- CALLER: Yes, meat.
- You know, beef and pork.
- That's sick, man.
- HOST: M-E-A-T, meat?
- CALLER: Yes.
(HOST CHUCKLES)
It may sound a little strange.
HOST: Yeah. I don't mean
to hurt your feelings,
but I've never heard of
anybody who plays meat.
(HOST CHUCKLES)
CALLER:
A lot of people think it's strange.
HOST: Yes, I can understand that.
No offense. Are you serious about this?
CALLER: Yes. Yes. I've worked
here as an assistant butcher
and I've found in a
cold storage locker...
(ENGINE SHUTS OFF)
(TRUCK ENGINE SHUTS OFF)
(TRUCK DOOR CLOSES)
(BOTTLE SPRAYING)
Yes, sir. Whatever
you want, I got it.
- What do you want?
- Fill it with ethyl.
If Ethel don't mind.
Want me to check under
the hood for you?
Uh, please. Yes.
Looks like you could use
a new radiator hose.
Where have I heard that before?
I'll get one later, thanks.
You're the boss.
Not in my house, I'm not.
- Attendant?
- Yes, sir?
You got change for the telephone?
Yes, sir.
I'll get you the rest later?
(TRUCK HORN BLARES)
Be with you in a minute.
Operator.
Operator, I'd like to
call 659-0716, collect.
Uh, Dave Mann.
The number here is 238-2098.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Honey?
It's me.
MRS. MANN: What's the matter?
Did you have an accident?
- No, it's nothing like that.
- Well, what happened?
(CHUCKLES)
Well, nothing happened. I just, uh...
Well, I just wanted to,
uh, apologize.
- You don't have to apologize.
- I know I don't have to. I wanted to.
When I left the house this
morning, you were asleep,
so I just wanted to call you
up and tell you that, uh,
I, uh... I'm sorry about last night.
Oh, I really don't
want to talk about it.
Well...
Don't you think maybe we ought to?
No, because if we talk about it,
we'll just get into a fight,
and you wouldn't
want that, would you?
Of course not.
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, never mind.
Uh, just a minute. I know
what it's supposed to mean.
It means that you think that I should
go out and call Steve Henderson up
and challenge him to a
fistfight or something.
No, of course not.
But, honey, I think you
could have at least
said something to the man last night.
I mean, after all, he was
practically trying to rape me
in front of the whole party.
Oh, come on, honey.
Just forget it.
You gonna be home by 6:30?
If Forbes lets me go in time.
Is it that important
that you see him?
(SCOFFS)
He's leaving for
Hawaii in the morning.
The way he's been griping to the front
office, if I don't reach him today,
I could lose the account.
You said there would be no problem
about getting home on time.
There probably won't be.
It's your mother.
God knows she's not
coming to see me.
Honey, I said there probably
won't be a problem.
Well, just be on time, okay?
All right.
Okay, I'll be there.
(HANGS UP)
Here's your card, sir.
(TRUCK HORN BLARES)
Be with you in a second.
You save them stamps?
No, thanks.
Good enough. Come back, now.
Will do.
(CAR TIRES SCREECH)
I gave you the road.
Why don't you take it?
Why don't you go?
Oh, boy, you're beautiful.
(CAR TIRES SCREECH)
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
I'm in no mood to play games.
Let's go.
(HORN HONKING)
Well, it's about time, Charlie!
(HORN HONKS)
My God.
Jesus.
Come on, you miserable fathead.
Get that fat-ass truck out of my way.
Well, I'm never going to
make that appointment now.
You miserable...
Okay. Okay.
You want to play games.
(LAUGHING)
(STATIC OVER RADIO)
(COUNTRY TUNE PLAYING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARES)
(CAR TIRES SCREECH)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
MAN: You all right, mister?
(COUGHING)
Yeah. Yeah, except...
Oh, my neck.
- You got a whiplash, probably.
- Yeah. It's all right.
He's all right.
What happened?
- That truck driver tried to kill me.
- Kill you? Go on.
He chased me down the mountain
at nearly 90 miles an hour.
- I don't know what else you'd call it.
- Tried to kill you.
- It sure looks like you got whiplash.
- Oh, it's...
- You got the whiplash, all right.
- That's okay. Thank... It's okay.
- Anything I can do for you?
- No, nothing. Thank you.
- No. That's okay.
- Okay.
Just a little whiplash is all.
(CHUCKLING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
CAFE OWNER:
What happened out there, mister?
Can I use your men's room, please?
Yeah.
Through the door, on the right,
down the hall,
turn left, second door.
(DOOR CLOSES)
DAVID: Well, you never know.
You just never know.
You just go along figuring some
things don't change, ever, right?
Like being able to drive
on a public highway
without somebody
trying to murder you.
And then one stupid thing happens.
Twenty, twenty-five minutes
out of your whole life,
and all the ropes that kept you
hanging in there get cut loose.
And it's like, there you are,
right back in the jungle again.
All right, boy, it was a
nightmare, but it's over now.
It's all over.
- CAFE OWNER: Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
What happened out there?
Oh, just a slight complication.
Oh?
Looked like a big complication to me.
(CUSTOMERS LAUGHING)
(CLATTERING)
Well, ready to order now?
Ahem. Yes. (CHUCKLES)
Yes, thank you. Um...
Oh, I think I'll...
Just give me, um... Um...
Why don't you just give
me a cheese sandwich,
Swiss cheese on rye?
R-Y-E.
Swiss cheese on rye. All right.
And could I have another
glass of water, please?
Oh, sure. Another glass of water.
- Oh, uh, miss?
- Yes?
Do you have an aspirin?
Aw, your head aches.
Sure, I'll get you some aspirin.
DAVID: I don't know, all I did was pass
this stupid rig a couple of times,
and he goes flying off the deep end.
He has to be crazy.
Okay, so he's crazy.
What can I do about it?
Find him a psychiatrist?
(SIGHING) Oh, boy.
Now wait a minute.
Now wait just a minute.
All right, now, think.
Okay, he's in here.
Well, that doesn't mean he
intends to continue his attack.
It is lunchtime,
and Chuck's Cafe may be the only
place to eat for miles around.
Yeah. He probably
eats here all the time.
He was just moving too fast before,
and he had to slow down,
turn around, that's all.
That's all.
Why didn't I leave right away
when I saw his truck outside?
Then I'd know what he intends to do.
What if he followed me out,
though, started after me again?
I'd be right back where I started.
Even if I got a lead,
he'd overtake me soon enough.
He's got some souped-up diesel.
My car is just not that powerful.
I just can't drive 80
and 90 miles an hour.
As soon as I stop concentrating,
I'd go back to 60 or
70 like I always do.
It's a habit. I can't help it.
I... Take it easy.
Just take it easy.
Maybe I...
Maybe I should try
some kind of contact.
Well, I'd better do something.
Look, mister,
I'm sorry if I irritated you.
Why don't I buy you a beer and get
this thing straightened out, huh?
No.
Look, mister, I'm sorry
if I irritated you,
but let me, uh...
There you are. Anything else?
No, thank you.
Uh...
I'd like some ketchup.
What if I called the local police?
But then I'd have to
stay here, lose more time.
What if he stayed, too?
Actually talked to the police himself?
Naturally, he'd deny everything.
I've got no proof.
And I'm sure none of these
people would back me up.
The cops will probably...
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Okay, so now what?
Look, uh...
(CHUCKLES)
I want you to cut it out.
What?
Just cut it out, okay?
Cut what out?
Now, come on. I mean...
Please, I... Let's not play games.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- I can call the police.
- The police?
- You think that I won't?
You're wrong, mister.
If you think that you can
take that truck of yours
and just use it as a murder weapon,
just killing people on the highway,
well, you're wrong.
You've got another thing coming.
Man, you need help.
Don't you tell me I need help.
Hey! Hey, come on!
Who the hell do you think you are,
knocking my sandwich out of my hand?
CAFE OWNER: Come on, now.
You wanna fight, get on outside.
I don't wanna fight.
I wanna knock his head off.
CAFE OWNER: You already hit him twice.
What more do you want, huh?
Come on now. Look at him.
He's sick. Can't you see?
He ain't gonna fight no one.
That creep comes around,
knocks my sandwich out of my hand.
All right, all right.
I'll buy you another sandwich.
I'll buy you another sandwich.
- Come on, forget it.
- No, forget it.
Forget it.
I don't wanna stay
around here anyway.
Let me buy you a beer then, huh?
I'll buy you a beer.
Why don't you get out of here, huh?
(CUSTOMERS MURMURING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(TRUCK ENGINE STARTS)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(KIDS CHEERING)
DAVID: Yeah?
Mister, I'm sorry to bother you,
but I could use a little help.
- What kind of help?
- Well, I could use a push.
Damn thing overheated on me,
and I stopped to let it cool off.
Now I can't get her started again.
- Why didn't you flag down that truck?
- What truck?
The one that just went by
here a couple of minutes ago.
Guess I didn't notice.
I must have been inside trying to
get that piece of junk shaking.
- Would you get off the car?
- How about it?
I don't know. Looks like I'd go
right underneath the bumper.
No.
Hey, get off the car.
You're gonna get hurt there.
Nah, you're all right.
Rodney, get down from there.
That goes for you too, Shawn.
All right. Come on, everybody!
Back on the bus!
Wait a minute!
Wait, I...
(KIDS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Well, we'll see.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
Come on. Come on.
KIDS: Push! Push! Push!
Push! Push! Push! Push!
Push! Push! Push!
He can't do it!
You can't do it! You can't do it!
Mr. Pfeiffer, that guy's stuck, too.
Shit.
Sorry, mister. I could
have swore we were okay.
Yeah, well, I told you we
were gonna get hung up.
How about I give you a hand?
Don't sit on the hood.
That hood will dent. I told the
kids not to get on the hood.
Just see if you can bounce it loose,
and I'll, uh, uh...
Just bounce it loose.
(ENGINE REVVING)
Hold it!
Something wrong?
That bastard turned
around and came back.
BUS DRIVER: Is that the truck
you were asking about?
(KIDS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Uh...
Get those kids out of the way.
What for?
Just get them off the
road and they'll be okay.
They're all right.
They're not on the road.
Hey! Get back in the bus. Please.
Please. Come on.
Come on. Back in the bus!
You're all right,
right where you are.
As long as you stay off
the road, you're okay.
You're perfectly all right.
Just keep off the road.
Let's get back in the bus, come on.
Get off of the highway.
There's a truck coming.
You must be out of your brains!
Yeah! Yeah!
DAVID: Come on! Please!
Take your hands off...
- Come on. Get back in the bus!
- Get your hands off him!
Now look, I know how this must sound,
but that man is crazy.
He's been trying
to kill me. I mean it.
Well, I tell you, if I had to vote on
who's crazy around here, it'd be you.
Uh, um...
When I bust them loose, pull it back.
Now!
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
(BELL RINGING)
(THUD)
Hey! Hey!
Hey, stop!
Hey!
Hey!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
DAVID: Oh, boy.
(ANIMAL HOWLING)
Hi. Help you, mister?
You got a telephone?
Out in the back.
This way?
Something for your car?
Uh...
Well, you can put what ethyl
you can get in the tank.
All righty.
Would you mind checking
those radiator hoses?
I'll do that.
Take a look at my snakes
if you have time.
(HISSING)
Weird place for a telephone booth.
Operator.
I'd like to report a truck driver
that's been endangering my life.
In that case, I'll have to
give you the police, sir.
Right. Give me the police.
Sir, which department do you want?
Whichever's closer.
What number are you calling from?
This number is 9821.
(ENGINE STARTS)
- MAN: What's your name, sir?
- David Mann.
- How do you spell that, please?
- M-A-N-N. That's two N's.
I'd like to report a truck driver
that's been endangering my life.
- What's your name again?
- David Mann.
(HORN BLARING)
(WHINES)
Why'd he do that?
Why'd he break my cages up?
(HORN BLARING)
(HORN BLARING)
Why'd he break my cages up?
- Call the police!
- With what?
That's the only phone I've got!
My snakes!
I've got to find my snakes!
Oh, my snakes. My snakes.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
DAVID: (PANTING)
The highway's all yours, Jack.
I'm not budging for at least an hour.
Maybe the police will
pull you in by then.
Maybe they won't, but at least
you'll be far away from me.
"Well, dear,
did you have a nice trip?"
(CHUCKLES)
"Ah, no, no.
Just the same old thing."
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
Well, I won't be seeing Forbes
today, that's for sure.
(ENGINE APPROACHING)
(HORN BLARING)
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(TRUCK ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(TRUCK ENGINE IDLING)
(ENGINE REVVING)
(ENGINE SLOWING)
(BRAKES HISSING)
(TRUCK ENGINE IDLING)
- What's the matter, car trouble?
- Well, in a way, yes.
- I wonder if you'd do me a favor.
- What's that?
Would you stop at the nearest
telephone you come to
- and call the police?
- Police?
Yeah, you see that truck?
- Mister, we don't want any trouble.
- No, there won't be any trouble.
All I'm asking you to
do is call the police.
Was there an accident?
Ma'am, all I'm asking you to
do is just make a phone call.
Jim, step on the pedal.
My life's in danger!
- I'm sorry, mister...
- Can't you make a lousy phone call
- to the lousy police for me?
- Stop it, mister. You're scaring us.
Or just drop me off at the nearest
station. I'll pay you for it.
Jim!
(STARTS ENGINE)
Okay, let's see you catch me now.
Here we go.
Can't beat me on the grade.
You can't beat me on the grade!
(GASPS)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
Come on.
How can he go so fast?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
(BREATHING EXCITEDLY)
(ENGINE KNOCKING)
Huh?
(HISSING)
DAVID: The radiator hose.
Oh, no, please! No!
Oh, my God!
Come on, faster!
Oh, my God.
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
Come on!
Come on.
Please.
Come on.
Come on, car. Come on, let's go!
Come on!
Where's the summit?
Please. Please.
Come on!
Come on!
There it is. There it is!
Faster. Faster!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(ENGINE TURNING OVER)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(TRUCK HORN BLARING)
(HORN BLARING)
(BREATHING EXCITEDLY)
(LAUGHING QUIETLY)
