

Marriage of deceit.

Dr Pushpa Ramchandani

Copyright 2013 by Dr Pushpa Ramchandani

Smash words Edition
Preface

If you want to save a broken marriage you must do it to consider whether or not the relationship is worth fixing in the first place. Are your bad feelings temporary or permanent? Have you been hurt so badly that you will never forgive him. It is better to live a lonely life than to live a married lonely life

Scars of infidelity can never be erased.

(unknown Quotes)

She was born in an aristocratic family. She was the apple of her parent's eyes .She was beautiful and had a superlative grace. She had a special bond with her mother. There was perfect understanding between the two. They could read each other's mind from gestures. She was an intelligent student and had a postgraduate degree in business management.

Her parents chose a suitable match for her, though not matching in any way to their status but known to them .She also consented being taken in by his charm and looks. Her married life took off well but alas! It did not last long. After the birth of their first baby, Rohit demanded money to start a new business, which was provided by her rich parents. Soon he started cheating on her .His behavior changed and he mercilessly beat her resulting in miscarriage of their second unborn issue. She had no choice but to leave him and brought her son along.

She braved the storms of life and educated her son. She had heard that marriage is a gamble but destiny played such a role that she could not fore see the deceit in her marriage.

After years of struggle she found a companion who stood by her. Rohit was completely shattered by blows of destiny as if he was reaping what he had sown.

"There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane; sometimes they barely fan one's cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore." ― Nicholas Sparks.

This book is dedicated to my parents, who in spite of their limited resources educated me. In that era it was taboo to send girls for higher education. I was inspired by my father, who created an ambitious nature to achieve higher goals in life. Being a doctor I come across different characters and their real life stories, based on these incidences I have tried to depict pros and cons of arranged and love marriages.
Acknowledgements,

I sincerely thank my spouse for helping me at every step of building this book.

MARRIAGE OF DECEIT

Chapter 1

Finally the day of our first meeting was fixed. The venue was our home. I know this was a deliberate step to show off with our huge mansion and impress the boy and his family with our riches. It was mid-day when they reached. The doorbell rang and with it vibrated all the nerves of my body. Our servant went running to the door and opened it. Mum and dad were right at the entrance to greet them. Mum and Reena aunty encircled their arms around each other and hugged hard. After all old pals were meeting after ages. The men greeted one another with a formal hello, came into the living room and made themselves comfortable.

Mum called out, "Asha, look who is here;"

When I entered the room, Rohit was the first person I set my eyes on. My heart missed a beat. He really was tall dark and handsome. He looked entirely different from the picture which had been shown to me.

He was the only son of a doctor. He was tall dark and classily handsome with a pleasing personality. His blade sharp nose, high cheek bones and an assortment of even features so appealing that I gave him a long stealing glance to appreciate the glamorous looks. Had a very good height of 6feet, he carried himself erect and with a smart gait. Broad shoulders, with a tapered chiseled cut. An ostrich longish neck and raven black hair. The balanced symmetry he bore was so flawless. He wore golden framed glasses through which the sparkling eyes spoke of intelligence. His slanting smile was just the smile which can attract the attention of every woman. On the whole he was the man of my dreams.

"Is this love at first sight?" I asked myself.

His younger sister was a year or two younger than him. His father, a doctor, had his own medical practice and kept fairly busy. His mother, Reena, was from a very rich family. She was a very religious lady with an extremely sweet nature. My mother and Reena were childhood friends. They grew up together, as next door neighbors, studied together from kinder garden to senior Cambridge in the same school. They maintained their friendship up to Reena's marriage. My mother studied further to complete her masters in economics and lost touch with each other. Now they were keen on changing their friendship into a relationship.

When the marriage proposal had come from a distant city of Lucknow, I showed my hesitancy .We were in Mumbai. I was born and brought up there, and adjustment in a small city might be not only difficult, but impossible.

"Sweet heart," my mum had said, it's always better to go for a known family than an unknown one." Then keeping her hand on my shoulder she continued, "The boy's mother, Reena has been a good friend of mine, right from childhood. You meet the boy and his family. Its only when you agree, then we will proceed further."

Dad who was a mute listener all the time added, "Asha dear, you cannot reject a proposal just because of the distance. The world is becoming smaller now. It is the capital of U.P. and a matter of only 2 hours to reach by air. All that matters is an affluent loving family and a good boy, to provide all the comforts that you are used to."

Since I had not fallen in love with anyone even up to this age, arranged marriage was the only option left. So I said, "Mum if I don't like the boy please don't force me to say yes."

She kept a loving hand on my shoulder and said, "Asha, I know the boy is a dark complexioned, smart guy and like most of the other boys he is not crazy about fair skin. So I don't think there should be any question raised about your complexion. Just go with an open mind, you meet them and then take your decision. Then she whispered, "Baby, you remember the previous two proposals didn't work out just because they were keen for a fair skin girl. So just give it an open thought. We all know you are so good looking graceful with attractive features and elegant. You are so beautiful, well educated, and smart. I do not agree that with all these qualities you should be obsessed by complexion only."

"Mum, I don't want any compromise at any stage. To accept me just because I belong to an ultra-rich family. I want the boy to love me as what I am." This was my fear of mind and expressed it to her.

Rohit had a good robust build. Looked smart in a silver grey suit, with a black striped tie. The sparkling white shirt appeared new. His raven black hair was short trimmed. The golden framed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, gave him a scholar like look. The sparkle of his eyes focused at me as I made my entry in the living room.

He stood up to greet me with a hello, aunty Reena gave me a big hug and then the two friends literally got lost in taking an account of the past 25 years from each other. The two men were discussing business, though there was nothing in common. One was a medical practitioner and the other a diamond dealer. The four of us, I and my brother, Rohit and his sister were talking about the latest movies. Then I and Rohit got busy in our own discussion. I think mum and dad were shrewd enough to read the positive frame of mind of Rohit and mine too. Mum spurted, " Rohit , will you two like to go out for a stroll and have a cup of coffee in some restaurant?" Probably she wanted to give us an opportunity to interact with each other and exchange our views.

We went in our chauffer driven car to my favorite restaurant and sat there opposite to each other in silence. It was a very awkward scene, both were lip tied just looking around till our order of cappuccino arrived. Finally I broke the silence. "Rohit, don't you have any questions to ask? I can tell from your looks that I am not the type of girl you are interested in."

He just nodded his head in negativity. So I darted a question which was haunting me for quite some time, "what is the importance of fair skin in your life? I mean would you prefer a girl with a fair complexion or a dusky complexion like mine." This way I conveyed to him that this was precisely the reason I strolled out with him for a cup of coffee.

He was rather startled at my direct attack, but making an effort to maintain his composure, he replied in an embarrassing tone, "I've always preferred a good nature to looks and complexion. When you have to live with a person it's the character, nature and adjustability which really matters." After that he added in a soft tone, "Well frankly speaking, you look so pretty." He gave a casual glance travelling all over me and remarked "Complexion is not everything."

With his skeptical look I could figure out from his expression that I was exactly the kind of partner he was looking for. The look on my face was priceless, blushing, flustered and shy. I raised my brow and whispered. "All this was a bit too personal for our first meeting, but you can understand the apprehension in our minds.' He replied in monosyllabic, "Yes."

Then he mustered the nerve to nod his head and accept the proposal. He extended his right hand across the table and it tightened around mine leaving me in a stare. I heard him say "We are made for each other." I simply enjoyed the attention and company of this attractive charming man. So finally I had found the man who was serious about a relationship and not only attracted to my father's wealth, I thought and held back my thumping heart from being audible.

# Then probably anticipating my other big apprehension he added, "Ours is a smaller city, and of course not so fast like Mumbai, but still being a capital, it's quite modern and a clean city. I fear that you may have any adjustment problems." I shook my head and added "I am a very adjusting person by nature. All that matters is happy peaceful married life." He could read from the tilt of my head and my body language that the decision had practically been made in my mind.

# Then after a faint smile he added, "Mine is the city of UmraoJaan who was accomplished at shayari and seduction. It is a city of gastronomic lip-smacking kebab and paranthas. Where the Id festival stocks narrow lanes with twinkling lights, milk and sewiyaan. It's only here that young fellows in delicate achkans, finally come to a halt. But let's not relegate the city to myths and fables, fantasy and allure. The city now takes immense pride in its generous sprinkling of malls, similar looking structures offering global indulgences like multiplexes".

# " There are so many places where you can buy chikkan suits, pair them with dark sunglasses for an elite luncheon or simply don a salwar-kurta to pass a hot intolerable afternoon with no electricity due to load-shedding. Chikkan-kaari - complicated embroidery on see-through fabric, not just above but below the cloth too, showing off its intricacy in shadows; much like Lakhnavi women glimpsing from veils and hijabs, quickening their steps past tea-shops where men lounge."

# Rohit took so much interest in describing his city, that I gave him full liberty to go on and on. "Ganj-ing was the in-thing to do in Lucknow; Ganj-ing as in loitering up and down HazratGanj, once a wide boulevard, with stops like the British Council Library, Burma Bakery and Mayfair Theater. Ganging can be described as window shopping to look at the western clothes hanging along the pavements around the love lane."

#

# Then he continued in an enthusiastic tone, " out on the roads, you can now not help but run into intimidating statues of the Chief Minister Mayawati and her idol Dr Ambedkar. Recently, the city has gained quite a fortress-like demeanor with thick walls, I-won't-budge-an-inch pillars, and parks that make an authoritative statement. You'll find the manifesto of Mayawati's party crammed in small print on huge hoardings at traffic lights. And not just one, but three or four hoardings so that drivers in no direction may feel left out. The policemen still bring traffic to a stop when a politician or anyone with a laal-batti atop plays Schumacher on the roads. Gunmen and supporters , hanging on jeeps or in cars discussing important matters of statecraft behind tinted windows."

I interrupted his non ending praises of his city, saying, "When I come there you can take me around the city and show me everything. His embarrassment gave a full stop to his description.

Then we became more liberal in talks and continuously discussed each and every aspect of life. Probably we understood the positivity of our minds on both sides. It was only when I got a ring from mum that we realized that it was nearing 8 pm and they were to depart by the night train. So we reached home. I think our expressions conveyed to all that we both are agreeable to this proposal. Mum asked me taking me to her room, "Asha dear, are you ok with it? "I just nodded my head and gave her a tight hug, showing my excitement. When we returned to the living room, an atmosphere of excitement prevailed. Congrats were exchanged on both sides.

Reena aunty gifted me with a beautiful dress and two gold coins. Mum had already kept their gifts ready, and handed over one to each of them and a pouch containing 10 gold coins, two for each one of them and four for Rohit. Finally they bid us good bye and dad went to see them off to the station. Rohit and I snatched an opportunity and rushed to my room. We hugged each other tight and he planted a warm small kiss on my right cheek. His first kiss was hot, expressive, and intense. It was now that I realized that I was head on heels in love with him. I think I could call this as love on first sight.
Chapter 2

This is how our marriage was fixed up, and we were given sufficient time to know each other in our courtship period. It was long, long hours of chatting, never ending phone calls. We lost track of time I was just obsessed with Rohit. Every time mum inquired of his nature, I sang laurels in his praise. "Thanks mum, for finding the man of my dreams." I hugged her tight and conveyed my gratitude.

"Sweet heart, all that we wanted was your happiness. I can see that on your face." Then she added, " I know that family for years, they are very good people, and I have no doubts of your future happiness. Another two months to go and then the marriage. Then you will be going to your new home and start a fresh life. Dad is already on the job. We have plenty of preliminary work to be done. You have to accompany me and select dresses and jewelry of your choice. Now no more lengthy conversations and chats. Baby there is hardly any time left. These two months will just fly off."

I felt like telling her, mum time seems to be dragging too slow, I want to meet Rohit soon. But I hesitated and held back my words. Finally we became so busy in shopping that time just flew away and only a week was left for that auspicious wedding day. Mum had called her sister, a week earlier, to help her in all the arrangements. She also appeared nervous and exhausted at times.

This nervousness was transferred into me also. I now realized that I would leave my own house in a week's time and go away from my dear loving parents and my little brother. The thought of it made me frenzy and depressed. One might, I lay cuddled on my bed wrapped up in my favorite pink blanket, when mum tiptoed into my room to plant a goodnight kiss on my forehead. When she was done, she swirled around to leave; I just caught hold of her hand and pulled her towards my bed nearly toppling her on myself.

"Oh! Baby, were you still awake? I just came to say good night."She whispered ".Mum can you sleep with me today?" I requested her.

"Of course, I would love to be with my darling as long as she wants me to be,"was her reply.

I got carried away by emotions and said, "Mum I don't want to leave you. I want to be with you all my life." She immediately kept a finger on my lips and pursed them tight, "No sweety, don't say that; after marriage we all have to go to our new homes and find happiness there. This is a rule of nature. When I entered this house as a bride, it was a small little two bedroom and a living room flat. At times I felt crammed, with hardly any space to breath. The love and happiness which I got from the family compensated for it all. Gradually with expansion of dad's business the space expanded too. This is the house where you and your brother Raj were born. God is great, just have faith in Him."

After a short pause she added, "When you enter your new home, your in-laws will be your parents. The more you love and respect them, the more they will reciprocate with double the amount of affection and care for you. My sweet little girl, our blessings are always with you. May you be blessed with all the goodness, and your joys like the stars at night, be numerous to count. I am sure your victories of life will be more abundant than the grains of sand on all the beaches. Riches and abundance will be your constant companions, and if at all there is lack and struggle, it will make you stronger. May all your doubts and fear be replaced by a deep abiding trust? You will always observe evidence of a higher power all around you whenever there is darkness, and the Eternal Light will illuminate your path. Always remember that you are loved beyond measure and just be willing to return the same love unconditionally."

" You will always feel protected and cradled in the arms of God, who is the real father to all. Just be strong and take our blessings with you." With these soft words she put me off to sleep and closed the door behind her.

Our shopping list was almost complete. There were plenty of jewelry items as gifts for their family. A beautiful solitaire diamond ring was chosen for Rohit, as the engagement ring. My diamond sets were exclusively chosen by Dad who had a crucial eye for all gem stones. "Mum you don't need to give so many gifts," I had argued, seeing the aggressive mode of her shopping.

"Babe, you don't have to tax your brains on this subject; just relax, go to the parlor daily and get soothing herbal massages done. It will bring a fresh glow in your body. All which God has given us is ultimately for you and your brother. We will be happy to see you happy."

Hotel Taj was booked as the venue for the marriage. All the guests were to stay in the same hotel. Even we were to shift for three days to Taj for the sake of convenience. Mum appeared to be very organized in all these arrangements. "Mum, I hope you haven't forgotten my new toiletries."

She gave a sweet smile and said, "No darling, everything has been taken care of."I was so mighty impressed with her and my next question sounded silly even in my own ears, "Mum, will I be able to get as organized when I am your age?" She just hugged me hard and replied, "There is lots of time for that. Everything comes with time."

Finally the big day arrived. Taj palace appeared more beautiful than ever before. There was so much of hustle bustle all around. The rituals were to begin with the menhdi (henna) ceremony. The hall for this function had all henna color décor. The tapestry covers on sofas and chairs, to curtains and even the lights flooding the room from high up chandeliers were reflecting a greenish henna illumination in the hall.

We, the girl's family sat on one side of the hall and Rohit's family along with all their relatives on the opposite side of the hall. All were dressed in the traditional Indian dresses, very colorful and richly embroidered. Multiple henna experts worked to form different designs on every hand. Music and dance was an ongoing program, with me in the center of the hall. My henna designer expert was the best of them all. He made me sit in a very comfortable posture and started making fine designs right from my elbows to the palms. Then from ankles to the toes. He asked me to locate Rohit's name which he had printed somewhere in the Picasso design, and softly whispered, "when you can't locate it, he will also fail." Then pointing with his index he demarked it for me.

The best part of the function was that all ladies were having wet henna designed hands and were not able to use them. So they were to be fed each morsel of food by their better halves. Everyone enjoyed, danced till exhausted.

The second day was the ring ceremony. The same hall with a different and grandeur appeared a new place altogether. It was a sky blue color them; so it gave the look as if the sky has descended down to earth and was mottled with twinkling lights. All the guests were aghast seeing the arrangements. I wore a rich heavy brocade saree, matching the light blue theme color of the décor. My diamond jewelry shone like the moon amidst the stars.

Rohit was in a navy blue suit, a stripe light blue tie, in a sparkling white shirt. He looked very smart and handsome. There we stood, facing each other momentarily lost in mutual admiration. Then our rings were exchanged, clapping and congrats resonated in the atmosphere. Dance was initiated by Rohit and me accompanied by all others. After a sumptuous dinner it was nearly mid-night when all dispersed.

Now was the most auspicious and important ritual of the wedding day. A very soft and serene atmosphere was created, with a melodious soft shehnai (music). Before leaving my room, I passed a final glance at myself in the mirror. Draped in a rose pink lengha dress with a rich brocade net veil, loaded with gold and diamond Jewelry. My henna designed hands wore latest design glittering diamonds, ruby and emerald rings, bangles and my feet tinkled with the jingling sound of beautiful tiny bells in the anklets. I really mistook myself for a princess. I felt a soft loving hand on my shoulder and a whisper in my ear, "Mirror oh mirror who is the most beautiful lady on earth." It was mum's excited voice. A prompt loud reply by my dad standing behind her came with great pride, "Asha, Asha and Asha of course."

When I swirled around both hugged me together transmitting a wave of love and affection never experienced before. Then dad said, "Hurry Sweety, they are all waiting for you." Finally both escorted me to the hall where the entire ceremony was to be held. My little brother Raj followed us holding my long dangling veil and found for himself the important position of the bride's companion.

All eyebrows were raised to capture a glimpse of the bride. My head down, lashes drooping, taking dainty steps to the stage where Rohit was eagerly waiting for me. He moved a few steps down and extended his hand to escort me up to the stage. My parents let go, and handed me over to, him. With a warm grip of his hand, I felt more confident and secure. I sat on the cushioned sofa next to him.

After this started the lengthy process of all the rituals. Jai mal the initial performance in which there was exchange of thick floral garlands. Our parents sat by our side to perform all the rituals around the holy fire which is considered a witness to the vows we were to make to each other. All mantras were chanted in Sanskrit and then translated in simple Hindi so that we could grasp the meaning clearly and make it a virtue for the entire life. WE took all the vows together and promised to abide by them at every step of life.

The priest emphasized that the basis of a happy and fulfilling married life is a sense of unity intimacy and love between the husband and wife, not only physically and mentally but morally also. It is not for self-indulgence but should be considered a lifelong social and spiritual responsibility. It is an opportunity for two life partners to become soul mates.

Then the priest asked me and Rohit to repeat loudly all the vows after him. "We shall be two bodies and one mind. We shall share all our happiness and grief together. I am yours and cannot live without you hereafter. Shall stay together till death shall part us."

The seven steps that we moved together around the sacred fire were all promises made by the groom to bless his wife with food, strength, piety, health, wealth, comfort and progeny. Finally Rohit pronounced the last vow in a loud clear voice, "You are now my dearest friend and I pledge my unfailing loyalty to you. May you gain worldly and spiritual wealth and all auspiciousness in your life?"

In an extremely explicit manner all the rituals were completed and congrats conveyed from both the families. The aroma was attracting all the guests to the sumptuous dinner waiting. Every ones mouth was watering and rushed the dining hall.

Finally came the moment of separation from my beloved ones. Mum was putting all efforts to hold back her flood of tears when she hugged me good bye. "Darling, we will miss you a lot; you just look forward to your new life. Our blessings are with you, love and respect everyone and get lots of love in return." Then holding Reena's hand she said, "I am handing over the most precious part of me to you, I know you will fully replace me and she will not miss her mother at all." Reena held her hand tight in a positive assurance.

On the back seat of our Mercedes I sat with Rohit, my gaze fixed on my parents and my little brother who had clung to me hard and said, "no, don't leave me alone, who's going to play with me, make me complete my homework and scold me if I am late for school."

As the car moved out of the wrought iron front gate of our mansion, I gave a last glance to my sweet home. I was born and brought up here, my room full of my childhood doll houses and Barbie dolls and all my musical instruments was abandoned by me in a fraction of a second. Tears rolling down my cheeks washed away most of my eye makeup. Rohit wrapped his arm around my neck, drew me closer to him softly whispering in my ear, "My love will wash away all the memories of the past."

After hugging me hard mum had handed to me a sealed envelope and said, "This is a special gift from me. Open it on your way to the airport."

"Why a separate gift from you, mum, after giving me so much?" I had queried. She just put the envelope in my purse and smiled. I wondered what was so special in that envelope, so I opened it to satisfy myself. It contained air tickets to Switzerland, my passport and our hotel stay papers. A paper with mums writing read, "Have a wonderful honeymoon trip." Love mum. I was so emotionally touched by mum's gesture and felt a bit excited at the thought of a trip to Switzerland.

Throughout the two hour air journey from Mumbai to Lucknow, I recapitulated my past in my mother's tender care, and dozed off to be awakened by the pressure changes in my ears at the time of descend. I still remember how I used to howl at the descend of the flight when I was little child. Gradually it had waned off.
Chapter 3

Lucknow airport was very small but practically clean. We boarded a cab to proceed to their house. Yes I called it their house because mine was in Mumbai. We traversed through a number of narrow lanes which were congested with pedestrians walking even in the middle of the road. A number of bicycles and scooters slowly found their way. Vendors had occupied both sides of the road including the footpaths too. On the whole it gave me an entire picture of a country fair which I had painted in class four in my primary school.

It took quite some time to traverse this short lane and finally halted in front of an ivory painted gate with three steps leading to a wooden door. It was locked from outside, when Reena aunty got down, searched her purse pulling out a bunch of keys, and opened the door. Then she descended those three steps opened the door, helped me out and said, "Welcome to our little home."

It was indeed a little home in a little lane, but I kept my cool and waited for a better inside. After climbing the three steps I entered a small open courtyard of 20 by 20 feet. At the extreme end of it was a freshly painted dark green iron staircase, leading to the upper story of the house. At a glance I could judge that this was a newly constructed addition to the house.

"This is your room make yourself comfortable. You must be really exhausted with the long journey." With words Reena left me all to myself to survey my special newly constructed room. The teak wood door and windows filled the atmosphere with fresh varnish smell, a bit irritating to the eyes. The sky blue walls were glowing with freshness. Matching curtains draped the two windows on the extreme end of the room. The queen sized bed wore matching sheets and pillow covers. A brand new two seater sofa sat in one corner with a glass top coffee table in front of it.

A door at the foot end if the bed was half ajar, so taking it to be the rest room, I rushed in to ease myself. It was unused and practically clean. I nearly screamed when I was greeted by a huge lizard dancing across the roof. It played hide and seek for a moment, went behind the mirror, out again and finally found a shelter in a corner. Who was afraid of whom I was not able to decide.

I glanced at the reflection in the mirror on the wall over the sink. She stared back at me with wide eyes, as if inquiring, "So Asha dear, how did you like the bridal welcome in your new home?" So this was my little home where I was to spend the rest of my life. I waited for mum to call me and find out how was my new home, but she probably knew all the facts and gave me time to make a new start in my new home. Momentarily my thoughts wandered to my bed room space where marble and glass gleamed in contrast to the rich jewel toned fabrics, heavily carved mahogany wood and silk covered upholstery. Then I immediately pulled the reigns of my wandering thoughts and held them from going astray.

This was a house and not a home. A home would be formed when we all develop a bond of love and affection with each other. I just stretched myself on the bed, closed my eyes, and tried to wear a cool expression, making best effort to conceal the tension.

It was then that Reena entered with a tray having a cup of coffee and some biscuits. I immediately sat up and said, "Aunty you could have called me down, why did you trouble yourself?" She said in a loving motherly tone, "I am your mama now, I will try my best to be your mum, but you can call me mama." I just nodded my head.

The next two days flew away in my unpacking and packing for the Switzerland trip which I was looking forward to. I was extremely excited as we were going for our honeymoon trip the next day. All packing complete, I once again took out the envelope mum had handed to me at the airport. Very affectionately she had said, "This is a special gift from me." Seeing my hesitancy she had clarified, "Darling, it has your tickets and hotel stay papers for your honey moon trip." I checked all the papers, our passports and secured them in my purse.

When the plane descended below the papery white clouds, I took a glimpse of the aerial view of Zurich, the wonderland of scenic peaks, valleys, villages and lakes in the Swiss Alps. Traveling by first-class and staying in some of the most charming places in the country. We will stay for several nights in each place, which will give time to have a good look around. Our customized itinerary had been carefully created by mum to include the most scenic parts of the Alpine region, and the most beautiful towns: majestic pinnacles towering over green foothills, with little villages nestled at their base in green meadows. They were visible like small toys scattered on the ground. We were to see it all in our visit.

"Touring Switzerland is almost like visiting all of Europe in one small country. This country is a fascinating mix of French culture in the west, German in the east and Italian in the south. Most Swiss also speaks English, so you will have no trouble communicating." Mum had briefed me about all this in the past two days. "You will discover cobblestone lanes for pedestrians winding past ancient buildings that have the most modern shops inside, with everything spotlessly clean and well organized. This is the land of efficiency and charm, with very friendly people. The best of both worlds, old and new." She had added.

After checking into the hotel Rohit and I were of course tired with the eight hour flight from Mumbai, so both of us took a good shower and skipped dinner. We cuddled into the warm bed and decided to wake up fresh and start our tour and enjoy every bit of it. But Rohit was in no mood to sleep. He reminded me of my promise, "Our first honey moon night will be in Switzerland."

But then comes the first night, we're both virgins and I was slightly nervous. I'd been told first time sex isn't great, which is fine, there will be plenty of room for improvement and our honeymoon will give us plenty of time for practice. But the thought of someone else seeing my naked body is strange. Is there a time to change into sexy lingerie? How weird will that be? Is this going to be a really awkward night? Does someone who maintained their virginity until their wedding night have something encouraging Or any tips or advice? We were virgins too on our wedding night. At least I was. I wasn't nervous about it at all until we actually got to the wedding night, and then I felt awkward. But my husband was so sweet and calming . We took our time getting to the sex part, and he made me feel comfortable and safe. I think the most important part for me was that he didn't rush me and we took as much time as we needed. Just made sure to communicate with my husband that I was feeling nervous and need to slow down. I think it was only for this reason that he had given me sufficient time and said let our first night be in Switzerland.

I was also very excited, but apprehensive. My heart pounded, nostrils flared and the blood circulating through my vessels started tingling. My breathing became very rapid and finally I gave in.

Next morning, after a good buffet breakfast, our visit began in Lucerne, one of the world's prettiest towns, set on a beautiful waterfront, along the shores of Lake Lucerne and the River Reuss, surrounded by majestic mountains. They truly have it all. Lucerne is deservedly the most popular destination in Switzerland, famous for its well-preserved Old Town, consisting of many blocks of medieval buildings richly decorated with painted murals showing village life in olden days, making this like an outdoor art gallery. I felt it was like Heaven on earth. In my heart of hearts I thanked mum for selecting this wonderful trip for us. Every now and again Rohit would encircle me in his arms and we walked so close to each other to transmit the body warmth to one another.

Two days of time to enjoy Lucerne using its base for travels by train and boat to nearby sights was sufficient. Temperatures were very pleasant in May, reaching the 60s and 70s, for Lucerne sits at an elevation of just 1,300 feet. Some of the nearby mountains were 10,000 feet, with snow-covered glaciers, but the temperature in town was very comfortable. Many restaurants and cafes had outdoor seating, some of them on the beautiful banks of the Reuss River that flows through town, so it was really nice to sit in the fresh air and enjoy your meal. When a little tired Rohit and I used to occupy a table and sip a hot cup of coffee.

The steep gabled roofs, covered with strong wooden shingles to ward off the winter snow, gave a picturesque scenario. Automobiles were not allowed into this large historic zone, so we had to wander the cobbled lanes without fear of getting run over. The shopping was fun, with many items pure Swiss in character, like music boxes, chocolates, watches, cuckoo clocks, cowbells, beer steins, hand-carved wooden statues, costumed dolls, cheese, knives, embroidery, linens, music, and we could also find very good deals on clothing. The two main watch shops were Bucherer, a multi-story extravaganza, and Gubelin, facing each other on the lakefront at Schwanenplatz. From here we purchased a couple of gifts for our family.

You can't get lost in this small place - the Old Town surrounded on one side by the river and lake, and on the other by a hillside and ancient fortified wall, which we could climb. So we were free to wander.

In the heart of Lucerne is its major landmark, the 560-foot long Chapel Bridge, or Kapellbrucke, the oldest covered bridge in Europe, first built in year 1333. But in 1993, after 660 years, this Lucerne icon was destroyed by fire, only to be rebuilt by the efficient townspeople within a year in the original style - and by now has weathered to a mellow patina that once again looks hundreds of years old.

The heroic rise from ashes symbolizes Swiss pride in their past and modern ability to get things done. Even here, it sometimes takes forever to repair old buildings or construct new ones, but the quality upon completion is unsurpassed. Adjacent to the bridge is the 110-foot high Water Tower, also nearly 700 years old, the most photographed image in town. For the best picture, lure some swans into your foreground with the bridge and tower behind. I am glad we took a guide at times, who could explain all these historic details to us.

The guide then took us to the other landmark which was the huge Lion Monument, carved deeply into the sandstone cliff to commemorate the 1792 death of 786 Swiss mercenary soldiers that were trying to defend King Louis XVI in Paris. Completed in 1821, it depicts a noble, mortally wounded lion, regal but dying from a spear thrust in the ribs, making a grand tragic statement of historic pride carved in stone.

It is said to be "the saddest and most moving piece of rock in the world." The Old Swiss House, one of the best restaurants in Lucerne, was located in front of the Lion Monument, where we stopped for lunch. With its traditional half-timbered wooden beam construction dating back to 1859, this is truly a landmark of Lucerne. They served the best Wienerschnitzel, sinfully sautéed with a stick of butter right at your table, and superb fresh fish from the lake, and many other items from an extensive menu. Comfortably elegant, the cozy interior was a perfect setting for a memorable meal. Fortunately Rohit and I agreed on the same dishes and enjoyed the flavor of all of it.

The Hoffkirche, or Collegiate Church, is another attraction in this part of town, on a hill overlooking the lake, four blocks south of the restaurant. We just saw it from a distance, as I did not want to walk up the hill.

Walking a few blocks back into the center of town along the main pedestrian walk was the shopping street, Hertenstein-Strasse, and head for the Kornmarkt, a small square with the Old Town Hall, built in 1602 with two distinctive styles that mirror Swiss cultural heritage: Italian in the lower section, echoing the Florentine Renaissance, and a Bern farmhouse wooden shingle pitched roof. I took special care to jot down the difficult places in my diary, as a souvenir to be kept with me. It should have every detail in it. Rohit was making fun of me saying, "Are you going to write a thesis on your trip to Switzerland?"

We discovered several small plazas in the middle of the Old Town, where cobblestone pedestrian lanes come together and form a charming open area, ringed by ancient buildings and sidewalk cafes, with a fountain in the middle. Small independent shops and a few department stores were there. It was real fun going around all these places before returning to the hotel.

The banks of Lake Lucerne offer a most picturesque walk, through manicured gardens, past picnickers, swans, fishermen, bobbing boats, and tree-lined paths. This stroll was especially dramatic at sunrise, when the water turns to gold. Rohit and I were in the most romantic mood so we set out for a stroll along the banks of the lake like a couple of swans floating in the sky blue waters of the Lucerne. We went around the farmers' market, with cheeses, breads, fruits, produce and pretty flower stalls, which stay open through mid-day. After the refreshing sunrise excursion we headed back to our hotel for breakfast and prepare for the day's activity.

The most exciting, convenient excursion out of town was to Mount Titlis, where we got a chance to frolic in the snow at the top of a mountain, just two hours from Lucerne. Because it has a glacier at the 10,000-foot summit, there is snow all year round, so it was really thrilling to go up and play, especially for us. It was very easy to get there.

Took the scenic train one hour to Engelberg, enjoying beautiful views of the mountains, farms and villages along the way. At one section this became a rack railway, where the train gears engage a metal strip between the rails and pull the train up the steep incline, We held our hands tight and walked in the aisle leaned over at 45 degrees, Rohit quickly took me in his arms when I was about to lose my balance and topple down. Everyone around us started giggling at this sight.

Mount Titlis provides a spectacular view into the heart of the Alps, with lofty peaks of the Jungfrau, Munch and Eiger visible in the distant. The Titlis viewing platform at 10,000 feet has an elaborate multi-storied restaurant, café and gift shop complex, along with an ice tunnel into the glacier. In typical Swiss fashion, they have civilized this mountain peak like so many other similar perches in their realm. We walked right onto the glacier from the panorama terrace and frolicked in the snow. It was cold enough, the snow never melts, but in the summer with typical sunshine we were comfortable with just a light jacket. We returned to town, well before dusk, enjoying the scenery a second time in reverse. Now we spent a very pleasant afternoon enjoying a boat ride on Lake Lucerne

At night we attended the dinner show at the famous Stadtkeller in the heart of the Old Town, where we were totally entertained by traditional Swiss music, with costumed performers yodeling their hearts out, throwing colorful flags around, playing spoons, bottles and brooms, and just putting on one heck of a lively show. The food was very good, with a choice of traditional items like bratwurst, sliced veal in mushroom cream sauce, fondue, chicken or fish, accompanied by roasted potatoes, which are similar to hash browns but better. We were always trying these different dishes, which was their specialty

A superb combination boat and funicular ride was the trip to Mt. Pilatus, the mountain that towers over Lucerne. Took a boat from the dock in front of the Lucerne train station to Alpnachstad, which took one hour and ten minutes, then we rode up the world's steepest cog-wheel railway to the top of Pilatus for a sweeping view of the lake and Lucerne. There was a nice rustic restaurant, and even a hotel at the top where we enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and then returned by a slightly faster alternative with a different routing, by the cable car down the back side of the mountain to Kriens, and walked a few blocks to the city bus stop that that took us to the hotel.

We were like love birds and flew from one place to the other enjoying every bit of the beautiful heavenly Switzerland. Finally the trip came to an end, and taking a last glimpse of the beauty from above the clouds we set out for our own home. It was like dropping down from a heavenly perch to the earth below.
Chapter 4

Rohit got busy in his job, and I in my adjustment efforts which appeared a Herculian task for me. But I recapitulated my mum's words, "From now onwards your life will be like a new slate. May you write deeds of goodness on it? They are very good people and Reena is very affectionate and will be like a mother to you." So I shut all the windows leading to negativity and looked forward to a new ray of hope in my life.

Rohit was a very loving and doting husband. Mama, as I started calling her was very soft spoken loving and caring. Even my smallest requirements were taken care of. My father in law was hardly audible in the house. A busy medical practitioner left home early, came for lunch, took a short nap and again went for his evening shift. He was the most non interfering person I had ever seen. There were times when I never met him for a couple of days. Sometimes I used to wonder; with this much of physical strain he is neglecting his health, despite him being a doctor.

We were partying and enjoying with friends and movies. So in a way I acclimatized to the life style of a small city, and the hectic life of Mumbai became a story of the past. The span of seven years rolled away smoothly giving us our beloved son, Aman who was now completing his second birthday. God was great and everything so far was goody good.

One day Rohit sat in intense thoughts when I inquired, "Darling, something seems to be bothering you, anything wrong?"

"No, was the cool reply. I was just planning to start some business and leave this job. There appears to be no progress in it, and as you know our demands are increasing with Aman's schooling to start."

Mama sat there a silent listener, just raised her brow and said, "You don't have any experience of business and it needs a lot of investment to start one." His quick reply was, "0ne of my friends is in garments manufacture, we can join hands with him initially. "Then in a soft tone he continued, "I can ask Asha's father to finance my business." That night was a sleepless night for me. My tumultuous mind kept swaying on the balance of yes and no.

Next morning mum called us and said, "It's a long time that we have seen you all. Why don't you come over for a week and spend time with us. Reena has agreed to send you and Aman. Probably Rohit is busy with work. I am sending E tickets for Sunday." I was partly relieved of my anxiety. Now I would discuss everything with mum and convey it to Rohit. While dropping us to the airport, Rohit said in a very cool tone, "It's good that you are going to Mumbai, this visit will relieve you of the tension you are carrying since last night. You can meet your parents, relax and on your return, bring the amount personally."

I felt like asking him, was this precisely the reason for sending me? But I remained mute because prior to this mum had to send at least three invitations till they agreed to send me. The last sentence which Rohit while bidding me goodbye was, "My initial requirement will be about two crores, which is not a big amount for them to extend as loan to their daughter."

The two hour flight was too long this time. The takeoff journey and then the descend was fathoms and fathoms away. I did not even talk to Aman, and the poor boy went to sleep all through the journey. Mum and dad were both there at the airport. Dad picked up Aman and kissed him all over. Mum hugged me hard and I tried my best for semblance of a relaxed expression. Even after meeting them after more than a year, my excitement seemed to ebb down. I felt like a stranger in my own house. The house where I had spent more than 23 years of my prime time appeared as if I was an intruder. I failed to have an eye to eye contact with my parents. I felt myself like a hypocrite.

My conscience spoke very clearly and alerted me. I knew my parents had fulfilled their duty in my upbringing, my education, my arranged expensive marriage, and then the innumerable invaluable gifts which they had given at the time of marriage. Not only that, every time I came to see them, the air tickets were sponsored by mum, which ideally should have been paid by Rohit. In a way we were becoming parasites on them. Mum took no time in reading the script written in my mind.

While sipping our evening tea, she held my hand and said, "Something seems to be bothering you. From the time you have stepped in, you appear to be tense." I shook my head and said, "No mum, it's only the feeling of tiredness. Aman is so naughty, and makes me run all day."

She raised a brow, smiled and said, "So my little Asha has grown big now, and learnt to drift away from her mother. Let me tell you one thing, you may be staying thousands of miles away from me but I am practically staying with you. I can decipher you mood on the phone, and judge your state of mind, you don't have to speak a word about it."

"No mum its nothing, you are just imagining things,"I said casually. I had decided in my mind not to ask for any loans, even if I had to bear Rohit's annoyance. I recapitulated very well the discussion between my parents, when I was a little girl. Dad was talking about some friend and saying, "it's a known fact that if you want to lose a friend, you should extend loan to him, or ask him for loan.'"

After a week of my stay with my parents, the day of my departure arrived. I was sort of relieved in my mind, to move out because in these 7 days I was fed up of feigning a semblance of calmness. Before leaving my home, tears rolled down my eyes; I felt with a heavy heart, as if I am bidding good bye forever. Mum hugged me hard and handed over an envelope. "No mum, no more gifts now; as it is I have always been taking gifts, gifts and only gifts from you all."

She smiled affectionately, kept her hand on my shoulder and said, "Asha I have been observing you right from the moment you stepped into this house. I am your mother and can peep into your turbulent mind and decipher the waves of your thoughts. You held back your mind from me, now take this check of two crores and ask Rohit to start his business with a bang. I fully agree that he is taking this step to give better comforts of life to his family. He is fully aware of the comforts you have been used to. Then it is a loan to finance his business. Asha, he is as dear to us as you and your brother Raj, and we would not hesitate in setting up a business for Raj. So just relax and start the business with a positive frame of mind.

"Mum, you know, I have acclimatized myself to the existing conditions and so will Aman, then where is the surety of a successful business for a raw person like him, and what is the guarantee of a comfortable future?" was my argument.

"Sweet heart, success comes only when you plunge into a start with confidence, and not by just thinking about it. So let him go ahead with this venture. God willing he will do well." Before I could open my mouth for a defense, she pursed my lips tight with her finger and said, "hurry up let's leave or you miss the flight."

I could clearly visualize the glow on Rohit's face at the sight of the amount. I just prayed for his success in this venture and engrossed myself in my routine chores.

Rohit became very busy in his new venture of starting his new business. To start with he threw a New Year party, which was a very lavish show of his riches. He did not appreciate his mother's comment on it. "Son, I believe in being a spendthrift on your own earnings, and not when you are loaded heavily with loans."

His expression changed to that of anger, eyes narrowed and he darted back, "Mama, this is a world of pomp and show. Let me manage my own affairs, the way I want to." Then looking at me he exclaimed; "Now our future will change."

From that day on wards mama and I became silent spectators. He engrossed himself in work and used to return late from work. Then started the growth of Aman with his nursery school, and the expansion of our business which was still facing teething problems. Rohit kept the string in his hands, so we let him loose. His late nights became more frequent, tensions higher and temperaments shorter. At times he did not meet his son for days together, due to late night returns and late rising when the child had already left for school. It was disturbing for me but I did not lose my patience.

I conceived my second baby, but was very reluctant to continue. It was mama who advised me, "Asha I think you should just go ahead and complete your family of two children. Then is the time for you to extend a helping hand to Rohit who has become very busy. You are from a business class family, well-educated and with a degree in business management."

I became fully engrossed in taking care of myself and little Aman and my antenatal checkup.

One fine morning while sipping my morning cup of tea I heard Rohit on the phone from his room. "I am planning to go for a bigger showroom and expand my business further. I will need another two crores for that. So send the check soon." There was no prefix of please or request. It was a direct order to my father, and he did not think it necessary to involve me in it this time. He disconnected the phone without giving me a chance to say hi, hello to my parents.

Now I could not withhold myself from intervening; "Rohit, there is no need to extend your loan to expand your business. As it is you come home so late why do you want to expand the business, at cost of your health?" His sarcastic reply was, "Asha dear, we will need more income to bring up our second child. "Then after a short pause he added, "You won't understand all this is pure business. Then I am working hard for you and your children."

"What do you mean my children? They are yours too and their demands are not very high. I will manage to make both ends meet, with whatever earning you have. So don't burden yourself with extra work and added loans. As it is we have not returned a penny out of our previous loan."

Even after hearing our argument, my father in law lent a deaf ear, picked up his briefcase and left for his hospital. Mama feigned to be busy making breakfast, and showed herself to be helpless. Rohit paced the room making great effort to maintain a semblance of calmness in his expression, and finally blurted out, "I have already ordered the goods and payments have to be made in time. If they don't send the money, all is gone, the company name and reputation is at stakes."

I deliberately picked up the phone and talked to mum, "I request you and dad not to send any more amounts." His annoyance burst out like a volcanic blast and he yelled loudly, "Then let them be happy when I am behind bars." Before I could disconnect the phone, his last sentence had been conveyed to mum.

Gloom enveloped me the whole day. I felt lethargic and depressed, hyperemesis gravid arum made me worse. My wild thoughts went astray, and I traversed through the changes which had come into a new unconcerned Rohit. I had mistaken these changes to be due to pressure of overwork and my conception tensions. I just hoped that my parents would be sensible and not send any more amounts which now were not a request for a loan but a birth right demand. In other words it was the price to be paid by them for my happiness.

Monday morning, a vibrant ring of the doorbell made Rohit rush to open the front door. Yes it was a courier man who delivered an envelope to him which he rushed to open urgently. How I wished the courier had come a little late, after Rohit had left for his office. I could have easily torn the papers. My thoughts were interrupted by his exclamation, "Oh| this time they have sent the check in your name; so they seem to have lost faith in me. Well how does that matter, the account is in joint names. Mama, I am leaving, no breakfast today. I have to rush to the bank and make the payments."

I just pondered into the whole situation and made a tentative mental decision. So many pregnant ladies are working, then why not me? I conveyed my mind to my mother in law who surprisingly agreed .All that she was concerned about was my health. I projected myself strong both physically and mentally and reached Rohit's office after noon. On reaching there I was respectfully greeted by the workers who escorted me to Rohit's office. He was not in his office. On inquiring about his whereabouts, I was told that he has gone out for lunch with his secretary. My brow raised, as I was not aware of the existence of a secretary, so I waited in his office. After an hour's wait, Rohit and his secretary entered the office. Rohit was not only astonished but literally shocked to see me there.

With him walked in a young girl in her late twenties, his hand around her waist and shoulders rubbing in friction with each other. She wore a dark pink skin tight top defining all the curves of her body giving prominence to certain parts, Encircled around her 28 inch wait the black Capri pants left below knee portion bare to show off her lean thin shaped legs. The 4 inch pencil heel brought her height to Rohit's shoulder. Her dark brown hair tied up in a French knot, with a tendril or two playing on her forehead, so was the color of her shining crystal brown eyes which expressed her emotions through the mascara painted long lashes. Her sinfully captivating lips were beautifully formed, perfectly straight with a faint soft smile playing on them. They were painted in matching pink shade of her top. There was a shimmering wonderful excitement in her looks on entry, which suddenly changed with my presence.

Rohit appeared confused, and muddled; slight annoyance reflected in his expression, but exclaimed in a cool tone, "Hey! How come you are here? You could have called me to pick you up."

Then introducing me to his companion he said, "She is Meeta, my secretary. It is her birthday today, so we went out for lunch."

"Happy birthday," I extended my warm hand to clasp her cold and clammy hand, and she feigned a smile but beads of perspiration could not be concealed. "Now that I am coming here daily, I will always remember to wish you on this day." Then giving my introduction I said, "I am Mrs.Rohit, nice meeting you."

Rohit raised his brow and exclaimed, "You must be joking. You can't leave the kids behind and start working."

My reply was cool and casual, "we will discuss our personal problems at home. I realized that you are already overworked, and with expansion of business my helping hand should be more than welcome." So I stayed back and occupied the chair adjacent to his. Meeta left the office and went to her own chamber. After a full day's work, the entire staff packed up and left. Rohit and I reached home in time for a family dinner together. Little Aman kept awake to come running and hug me, "mom where were you? Why didn't you take me along?" I planted innumerable kisses on his face hugged him hard and said. "Darling Dad gets tired working the whole day so I will have to help him till you grow big and help him."

"I am so big; I can go with you and help." We all laughed at his innocent reply.

I was already having hunger cramps in my stomach and rushed for a quick dinner. Mama intervened, "Asha from tomorrow I will pack some snacks for you, so that you don't have long gaps of empty stomach." I nodded my head in agreement.

Rohit's concerned tone was clearly objecting to my working with him, "Mama I don't want you to spoil your health. With all the domestic chores and looking after Aman, will be too much work for you"

I interrupted immediately, "I have arranged a nanny for Aman who will help mama in her routine work also. We are more concerned about your health now. I need to share your workload after expansion of our business."

After a month of work I had to stay back home due to Aman's illness. Taking him for medical checkup to a pediatrician, and giving him timely medicines. It took full 10 days for him to recover fully. Mama was concerned about my health too, gave me full support. What surprised me was that Rohit did not show much concern about Aman or his illness.

It was a Sunday morning, all had breakfast together, Rohit left for some stock checking in his office. I wanted to prepare everything for Aman's school on Monday.

Rohit returned when we were done with dinner. Along with him was Meeta. He introduced her saying, "Mama, this is my secretary Meeta. Her parents have gone out of station, so she will stay with us." Mama was astonished, but out of courtesy she said, "That's fine she can share the room with me downstairs."

"No she will be fine sharing the children's room with us;" was his blunt reply.

"Aman wakes up sometimes, so why disturb her sleep; I'll make her comfortable in my room." Mama replied.

Without paying any heed, he just carried her suitcase upstairs and took her up and closed the door behind him. This bold and stubborn step taken by him seemed to be the turning point of my life. What surprised me was the mute spectator like behavior of his parents. Mama just hung her head down and slowly walked into her room and Papa to his room. They were both mute and spellbound.

I went up to my room, brought Aman down to mama's room and relaxed on the rocking chair. Sleep was fathoms away from my eyes.

I repented in my turbulent mind for not informing his parents of the entire situation at the office. I looked at the oval golden Guchi watch on my wrist, the needles standing at right angles showed the time as 3 am. I was startled by a loud snoring type of sound from papa's room, which appeared like abnormal breathing. So I woke up mama and inquired, "Why is he breathing with such effort, it does not appear to be snoring.

We both rushed to his room, and found papa in a reclined posture, froth trickling down his mouth and nose. Sweat had pooled damply under the weight of his greying, salt and pepper hair, on his neck and forehead. It had soaked completely his cotton dress. His voice fractured as he tried to speak. Bubbles of froth blossomed and escaped with every breath he tried to inhale. The snoring which had alerted us was the strenuous breathing. He was all drenched in perspiration, eyes bulging with the effort of respiration, lips blue and parched

Mama screamed out loudly, Rohit, come down. Daddy is having an attack." Even My spontaneous cry was loud for help. Rohit was probably fast asleep or lost in his beloved's embrace. May be he thought we were trying to disturb their pleasure drive deliberately. There was no response and no time to waste. I saw daddy gasping and calculated the emergency, so I said, "Mama he is collapsing, let's shift him to the emergency in B.J. hospital.

So we literally dragged him into the car and reached the hospital within no time. Seeing his condition they shifted him to the ICU and put him on a ventilator. A drip and some injections were administered urgently. As we watched all this through the glass window, we just prayed that all will turn out well. Within 10 minutes the senior consultant who had done his checkup, came out with a gloomy expression and said, "He is no more. It was a severe attack of myocardial infarction associated with left ventricular failure."

It was a black night for our family. Mama was shattered. We waited for all the formalities to be completed. It was then that we realized that we had left little Aman unattended in his bed. Mama asked me to go home and send Rohit. On reaching home I went to the staircase, traced my fingers along the metallic railing. I looked up towards the bedroom with its closed door, put one foot on the bottom step, but didn't want to climb further. I just did not want to go to disturb them.

Then realizing the urgency of the situation I rushed upstairs knocked on their door, there was no response. Then forgetting all my manners, I banged hard on the wooden door and shouted out his name. The door opened after a few minutes. Annoyance peeped from his voice and expression as he yelled, "Why don't you let me sleep?"

I did not even wish to glance inside the room for fear of seeing some indecent view, so I just said in a disgusted tone, "mama wants you in the hospital immediately," before giving him a chance for any further queries, "Dad is no more. At least go and console your mother." Then I rushed down to Aman's room who was already awake. I saw both of them leaving the house after ten minutes.

After that followed a fortnight of all the rituals and final prayers for the departed soul. Coming and going of guests to convey their heartfelt condolences. My mum and dad also visited for two days; seeing the sad atmosphere in the family, it was all related to the demise of dad, rather than any other reason, as Meeta had left on the first day. I just hoped that guilt complex would keep her away from Rohit.

The sound of multiple jet planes taking off over my head gave a deafening effect in my ears. . All around me there was panic, People rushed past me screaming. Sirens screamed overhead, bombs falling like rain all over. Panic tore me, people rushed past, screaming for their dear ones. Bloodied bodies and lifeless bodies lay scattered around the wreckage. I tried my best to run for help but my listless legs refused to work. I was completely paralyzed, I felt chocked with terror. I thought this was the end, and now I will die, but I was not ready to die. Just before the inevitable happened, my face hit the rocky floor and I woke up. I was relieved to analyze that this was a frightening nightmare. I reveled in it momentarily and my crisis of real life ushered in. I felt death would have been a better alternative than my present agony. I was having near death nightmares continuously.

I wanted to forget the whole incidence, and erase it out of my memory card, but it kept on hammering in my brain. Every bit of it was fresh.

That ill-fated Sunday was fresh in my memory, when mama and Aman went out for some grocery shopping. Meeta, who had creeped back after thirteen days of dad's demise, as usual went to the gym. I was working in the kitchen to prepare something special for lunch. It was only 15 days of dad's death. Rohit slammed the front door closed, entered the kitchen, and yelled. "You killed my father, why did you not wake me."

I was aghast and glared back at him. Before I opened my mouth to speak, and tell him that not only me but his mother had also yelled for his help, he raised his right hand and slapped me hard on my left check missing my eye by a whisker. Then he shouted, "You wanted to be a hero, and manage everything on your own." His eyes were blood shot and disgust crept in.

As I stood there in silence, I noticed my brain did not begin its usual panicked racing for a suitable answer. I closed my eyes, to help myself focus before I answered anything. I was so shocked at his raising a hand on me that I felt extremely drained out and exhausted and unable to defend myself. The next moment he flung his fist into my face knocking me against the wall. The dining table was in between and the bottom of my spine banged against the corner of the table which pierced into my back like a dagger. As I endeavored to protect my head and face from injury, I did not beg him to stop, not even insisting him to let me explain.

To my dismay, as I swayed back from the wall, he scrambled me to the floor, and kicked me hard in my tummy. I sank down with excruciating pain, wincing with pain. Then he bent down effortlessly, pulled me up by a firm grip of both my arms, dragged me to the center of the room, punched me hard on the chest, my body arched back and banged against the fridge and then down to the floor. I heaved and coughed due to pain, struggling to all fours to breathe.

He appeared under some evil spell, and shouted, "come here you bitch, I'll teach you a lesson."He caught hold of a tuft of my long hair, pulling me from the floor, I swirled around and his final punch on my face turned me around and I fell face wards on the glass table,breaking it into pieces and piercing tiny glass bits into my face. I just prayed that I should either get unconscious or die. My last thought was that I would never see my family; I would never see Aman again.

Despite the utter wrongness of his actions, he projected power with his gaze and surrounded himself with an aura of inner strength. Was this the same man whom I had loved with all my heart and soul for the last four years? I was in extreme agony to figure out the logistics of his action. I knew very well that when you fear so many things, you can only quit your fear by giving it to others. This was exactly what he was trying to do. A million thoughts ran through my mind. After what seemed an eternity, he stopped seeing me collapse unconscious.

When I opened my eyes, \only one eye could get a vision of the room, the other was very painful probably due to edema after blunt injury. I moaned with pain, and heard mama call for the doctor. I passed a glance around and found myself in a hospital room. I was not in a condition to reply when mama said, "Asha how did you fall from the staircase and hurt yourself so badly?" So this was the story Rohit had told her.

This was certainly not the Rohit whom I had married and loved him with all my body, my heart and my soul. He broke my body into pieces without any fault of mine. I pondered over the entire obnoxious incidence. Was it his father's sudden death which drove him crazy? Was it a means to turn me out of his life because of the other woman? Or was he trying to terrorize me to obey him and bear with all his activities like an obedient child. I was yet not able to ascertain. Despite all this, my heart reached out for him with an intimidating force.

I could feel his presence somewhere in the room. With clenched teeth I thought about him attacking me so brutally. I was trembling and nauseous, determined to punch my love for him across the very thin line to hatred. I was in a strange tug of war pulling him towards and away from me.

Then I felt a warm touch on my forehead, and took no time in identifying it as his hand. He begged for pardon holding my hand tightly in both his. This gesture nearly killed me. His tears mingled into mine when he bent down to kiss that part of my forehead that was not bruised. Momentarily I wondered how I could even dream of surviving without him. He was my life, my courage, my guidance. We had loved each other so much. The room was in eerie stillness, silence drilled through my ears. Tears streamed with immense speed and choked my breath, fighting desperately with my lungs to breathe through the fractured ribs. I winced with pain and let go of his hand.

It was then that the doctor entered accompanied by the nurse. My painful moaning reminded him of the painkiller dose which was due. Pain became almost unbearable; I closed my eyes and became oblivious to the surroundings. I felt a prick in my arm which immediately made me feels light and as if I was floating. Probably some pain killers and hypnotics had been injected into my blood. Initially my pain was not completely knocked out, but in due course of time I became euphoric, silent and finally comatose.

When I came around, I was reeling with pain, incoherent, with a fuzzy feeling, lightheadedness and a weird feeling of euphoria. I was too delirious to even find out where I was, and totally ignorant of the events of yesterday.

"Good morning, Mrs.Asha, how are you feeling now? Do you know you have been sleeping continuously for two days?" Was the sympathetic voice of a short stout nurse holding my pulse with her warm hand? Then she continued in the same soft voice, "Well, Asha dear, we have been able to save your life, but unfortunately the child in your womb could not survive the injuries and you aborted as soon as you were brought to the hospital. Your baby girl was too premature to be alive. Luckily your uterus had not ruptured with all the blunt injuries.

Now you are out of danger, but it will take nearly six weeks for your fractured ribs to heal. Your facial injuries will heal within a week or ten days." She raised her brow and asked, "But how did you sustain so many injuries just falling down from a staircase? I think this was the first case of its type in all my years of experience." I felt like screaming out, "no it was not a fall from the staircase, it was the brutality of my husband." But I was too weak to even speak a word, so I just turned my head the other way and let the brimming tears flow down. So I had lost my dear little Sona even before she had entered this world. I had strong intrusions of a baby girl this time and had even named her Sona.

The nurse snapped me to attention, "you are lucky to be alive, but in future you have to be more careful and avoid these types of accidents." She laid special stress on the last four words 'these type of accidents as if she was fully aware of the type of accident. After all she was a trained paramedical staff attached to an experienced doctor. Then she tied a corset around my chest and said, "This will give support to your ribs and enable you to breathe easily."

Before leaving the room she held my hand tight and said, "I have a surprise for you, look who is there to see you?"

As the door flung open I was stunned to behold my parents rushing into the room. Mum arched over me and bent to hug me taking due care of my broken ribs. "Oh, my God, what has happened to you sweet heart." As she hugged me, for a Nano second there was vicious pain in my ribs, but it was more of the emotional surge that gave me comfort. I was so relieved to see them.

"I am fine." was my whisper reply, though I knew I would never be fine both physical and mentally. She looked completely dazed as she kept a tender hand on my fore head. "Look at your beautiful face, it's all bruised and swollen." Her voice was disturbed and compassionate. Mum was just rattling away, questioning me and answering herself. She was trying to make sense of the nonsensical scene, touching me tenderly all over and caressing my swollen and tender body.

Suddenly I felt an overwhelming ache at my plight and thought what a miserable wife and daughter must be. I wasn't strong enough to admit to being such an obscene failure in my married life. Mum was going on sobbing like a little toddler and repeating, "What's happened to my little girl, she is bruised all over, who on earth did all this?" Her last sentence alarmed me; her eye was shrewd enough to make her judgment. I just stared blankly at her and my swollen eyes soaked with pools of tears. Through the blur I looked passionately at mum and heard her shrieks.

After a while they all left the room I caught hold of mum's hand indicating to stay back with me. She closed the door and said softly, "Darling, tell me exactly what happened? This is surely not a fall from the staircase." Tears rolled down again, all efforts to hold them back failing, and just said, "Mum, I want to go home with you." I had to tell her everything otherwise I would explode.

Her reply was prompt, "Of course baby, we won't leave you in this lousy hospital for treatment." She ran out to call Reena, Rohit, and dad; and said, she wants to go with us and we are taking her by the next flight to some good hospital in Mumbai. Rohit intervened immediately saying, "Everything will be fine in a few days, and she can't travel in this condition."

I just glared at him asking a silent question, "You expect me to stay back after what you have done to me, how can everything be fine between you and me now?"

I was suddenly overcome by a fervent need to get out. I did not have any purpose of staying back to be manipulated into loving him anymore. I made a strong decision in my mind and did not want to give myself any time to falter and be sucked into his love prongs again. Momentarily I repented over my hasty decision to walk out on him. But then I had my own dignity and self-respect, which was at stakes. I had loved Rohit more than life itself, but I refused to spend the rest of my life in misery because of it. I felt there was too much deception and manipulation in our marriage to go back to the way things were. When deceit enters silently, it leads to infidelity and disloyalty.

Even his tears appeared fake to me now. I did not want to leave my child rudderless amidst the deep ocean of my grief. I reconciled to the bitter disappointment by telling myself that my priority and duty of a good mother was of prime importance, a good wife was not my cup of tea now.

Chapter5

Aman and I were taken to Mumbai, Directly to the hospital; Rohit did not opt to accompany us which was good in a way as there was fear of my love for him igniting again; so I had sufficient time to take a calculated decision for my future. In moments of weakness I was almost ready to cave in and agree to get back together. Then finally I summoned courage to take a stand.

When I caught my reflection in the mirror in the hospital room, my swollen, bruised face with multiple cuts and bluish black edematous patches was barely recognizable, a sudden scream from me scared mum outside the washroom. With shallow breathing and clammy palms I plastered myself against the wall nearby, my gaze fixed on the mirror. Mum came running in and heard my involuntary words, "Rohit, what have you done to my face. I'll never forgive you for this."

Mum's presence behind my back made me realize that I had divulged the whole incidence in one sentence. She was so horrified, that she yelled, "I knew you were hiding something from me. You were not looking into my eyes to make an eye to eye contact. I am your mother and you concealed the facts from me. How dare he even touch my darling, leave aside beating her?"

Then she just rushed out of the room, I heard her say, " Daddy will call the police and get him arrested." I knew dad was very influential and one call from would send Rohit behind the bars, and why not, mine was a genuine case of assault on a helpless woman. Somewhere in one corner of my mind, I wanted to forgive him. Was there still some love left for him?

I put all my effort to call her back, and tell her the other part of the story, before plunging into any further action. There was a continuous flow of my non stopping tears. I felt his betrayal was going to vanish into the thin air. In one secret wishful part of myself I would vision him flying to reach me with apologies for all his actions. This was utterly stupid and illusion on my part. Depression was pushing down on me; I had never felt like a loser. I avoided meeting all visitors for fear of being expos, for fear of further discussions. I just lay crunched, hidden under the blanket, feeling ferociously exhausted.

The plastic surgeon was called and my face fully examined along with a picture of mine, mum requesting him in a very decent tone, "Doctor your expert hand should be visible through the beauty of her face. Not even a single mark should be visible to remind her of the obnoxious incident of the past."

The doctor raised his brow, smiled with a twinkle in his eyes and assured her, "Madam let me assure you of the best results." There was a week of my bandaged face, no talking, no frowning, no laughing, so as to let the grafts take up well. My mouth was quiet but the whole burden was transferred to my brain, which never rested. It was in a tumultuous mode dangling up and down like the blades of a weighing scale calculating the pros and cons of my single parent life. I was torn with physical and mental pain. I felt that despite the plastic surgery, the pain of all the physical wounds on my face and body would remain as fresh as the day they were inflicted.

I imagined Aman growing up and asking for his father. One determination was rock strong in my mind. No doubt divorce would be the simplest solution, I would let him go, and walk out on him, and so it would almost be as if the whole event never happened. But I will never allow a legal divorce which he would beg for. I would always feel a winner, to let him live with the other woman, who could never get the designation of his wife.

There was complete metamorphosis of the face after the plastic surgery. All external scars had vanished, and not a single evidence of the injuries was visible. But there were some scars which were deep in the grey matter of my memory mode, which were probably still bleeding and all my efforts to erase them failed. When I saw my reflection in the full wall mirror of my own bed room, I met a stranger in my own house. Everything in my room was the same, except me. Mum came dashing in and exclaimed, "That fool thought he's going to distort your face and make you ugly for the rest of your life. Now is the time of decision making for you? I don't think you can even dream of going back to him, after what he has done to you. The humiliation, the mental and physical trauma has shattered us all."

"Mum, I have decided never to let myself be the object of his humiliation ever again, but I will get all the money refunded back, because it was a loan." Then I added in disgust, "I'll surely not allow him to live lavishly with the other woman with our money."

"Asha dear, I just don't understand where and how we went wrong. I know very well that all the vital components that make a marriage successful are care, respect, commitment, shared goals and compatible priorities. Marriage has to be treated like a partnership instead of some romantic fantasy and hypocrisy. It's all about two people liking each other. Now a breach has come in your relationship which can never be bridged without a crack."

I listened patiently to what mum said, and pondered over it. Suddenly I remembered the times we had spent together, the outpourings of our souls, so fast so deep. "Mum how outrageous a man can get. With my strict and loving upbringing, I had tried my utmost to acclimatize in the conditions that prevailed there. I loved him unconditionally. I could never dream of the entry of another woman in his life. Now I have to fight the disillusionment with my inner strength. It's all over now; I have to start a new life for Aman."

Mum's tone was soaked in disgust, "When we left from there, he did not have even a spark of remorse or compassion on his face." I nodded my head in silent agreement and said. "Mum I have learnt that love can help one endure the most brutal of hardships, and it becomes your inner strength."

With mum's compassionate hand on my shoulder, "I know baby, you are sick and tired of making yourself vulnerable again and again and you've figured out what you want." Then she spoke in a concerned tone, "Not giving a legal divorce to him means you also cannot start a new life."

I knew what was in her mind and opened up my mind to her, "Mum, once ditched is enough. I will never think of remarrying. Aman is my source of inspiration, to bring him up into a good human being, educate him well and give him the love of both parents is my only aim now." She thought probably it was too early to discuss this matter so she closed the chapter.

All my effort to control my brimming eyes from overflowing failed and a stream of tears rolled down my cheeks as I said, "I know marriage is the foundation of a family, and I had wanted mine to be rock strong like yours; a glorious example of a truly loving and sincere marriage. I had wanted security not only for myself but for my children too. Our marriage has crumbled under some emotional pique or the whims of a fickle heart."

Then trying to gain my composure I said, "There is this whole post breakup emotional slump to contend with but I know you will respect my decision to end up this marriage. Divorce is the easy way out, but I want to avenge him by not conceding a divorce." Mum nodded her head in agreeing gesture, took me in her embrace and made me lie in her lap like a toddler, running her fingers tenderly through my hair, in an effort to put me off to sleep.

Dad sent a legal notice for the return of the loan with immediate effect. The shrewd and cunning planning became evident from the reply, which burnt all the bridges. "The loan was extended to your daughter Asha, who is responsible for the return also. Due to her absence, the business has gone into big losses, if she can come and rectify the status, she may be able to return all the loans." Attached with the reply were legal documents in which he had taken this smart step of manipulating all loans in my name.

A part of me said I should go and settle all accounts and bring him to the road, but mum did not want to sacrifice my peace of mind at this cost. So I just tried to draw the curtain and cut off the past four years of my married life and devoted all my love and care to little Aman. Sona's loss was I great blow for me. She was with me, in my womb, only for four months, and before her entry in this world she was killed by her father. How desperately I had wanted a girl, who would love me like I loved my mother. I had even chosen a name for her. The only consolation was that upbringing of two single parent children would have been very difficult for me. So all my attention, my duties my love and care concentrated on Aman.

I was well educated, with a master's degree in business management. So despite all the resistance from my parents I took up a job in Pune. Mum tried her level best to persuade me to stay back with her, but dad was more far sighted and explained to her, "let her be independent. She will keep herself busy, make new friends of her age, or else it will not be long when she goes into depression. More over she will be close by and meeting us on weekends.

A very good apartment was purchased and furnished to my taste and I was made comfortable there. Mum stayed with me for a fort night, and left a family maid to care of Aman while I was at work. She was the one who had taken care of me in my childhood, so mum was comfortable with her. When she was leaving for Mumbai, I said, "Mum I want to tell you, I feel that nothing I can say would be sufficient to thank you for everything you've done to take care of Aman and me. You've secured our future also." My voice trailed off as I wiped the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

She encircled her arms in an embrace and said in a loving tender tone, "Since when did you learn to thank your own parents for performing their duty?"

I did not look back, and started a family of my own, of course with full financial and moral support of my parents. My brother Raj used to visit us often; whenever travelling in and out of Mumbai, his midway halt was Pune. Little Aman became very attached to Raj and the picture of his father gradually erased out from his memory. So the tine rolled away. Mum used to convince me at times for a remarriage, but I laid my foot down in a negative answer. I had decided to devote my full devotion to Aman and mold him to grow into a perfect human being carrying no traits of his father.
Chapter 6

"Hey Asha, I am seeing you after ages." It was a familiar voice; I looked back and found my college mate Mona.

"Oh, hi Mona, it's so nice to see you here." We encircled our arms around each other's neck and hugged hard. She introduced us to her two children, who were a little bigger than Aman but the three of them got busy on the swings and merry go round in the park, while Mona and I got to chatting. "So, how's everything? Are you working in Pune too" I asked Mona.

"No I've come to visit my parents. I'll be here for another month. Now we'll try and meet at home and sit and chat for hours. There's so much to talk about." We both exchanged our phone numbers and our addresses and decided to meet soon.

When I reached home, I was in a fix, to meet her or not. If she asked me why I was staying alone, and where was Aman's father, I may not be able to narrate the facts to her. Then my conscience came forward and said, "It's I who walked out on him, so why should I hesitate to expose the truth.

Mona and I were close friends up to class 12, and then the diverted courses separated us. She went for her medical carrier and me for my management studies and lost touch for some time.

It was a Saturday and Mona called me and invited me for lunch. I gladly accepted the invitation, as the change in routine was welcome. Then Aman would also get company of her two kids. He was so excited when I told him we are going to his park friends, as he used to call them.

Mona's mother was there to greet me at the door. She was as beautiful as I had seen her years ago, though a few crow's feet lines at the outer angles of her beautiful almond shaped eyes were speaking of her age. Her shining glistening skin without any make up was nearly transparent. I knew Mona had inherited her mother's beauty. She gave me a warm hug and escorted me in, and then made herself busy in the kitchen. The children got into playing with their games. It was me and Mona who settled in her bedroom and went into chatting. I was itching to ask Mona, why she was staying in her mother's house, but held myself from the inquisitiveness.

"Asha, you remember Alok, the boy who had a crush on me when we were in college."

Yes! Of course, how can I forget that, You used to get so irritated and even scold him at times, what happened to him?"

"Can you believe it; when I entered the medical college, he was also there in the same class. I got so terrified of the same silly pranks that I even thought of dropping out from college. You know, dad and mum convinced me to continue and not care for him. They were so keen on my medical education.

" Just ignore him and stay aloof." My mother had explained. At times he used to behave normally, but most of the time he used to find lame excuses to contact me and create a friendship. I just tried to ignore him and concentrate on my studies."

"While I was doing my internship, dad passed away, mum was shattered, my brother too was not working. Alok and I had become good friends by then, but I was aware that he was a flirt and used to enjoy company of different girls. At times I used to tease him, "Alok you change your girl friends more frequently than your shirts." He used to take pride in his popularity, and show off with his dashing looks. He really was killingly handsome.

Then one day he seriously proposed to me. I thought mum is alone and I will be making things easier for her by accepting his proposal. She will not have to hunt for a groom for me. So I talked to mum about him.

Handsome he was, then a doctor; so mum also approved of this proposal. And our marriage was fixed up. My paternal uncle who thought now in dad's absence, it becomes his responsibility to investigate about everything; he found out from his colleagues about his playboy nature. He laid his foot down and insisted on cancellation of all the arrangements. I tried to assure him about the change in him, saying, "Now he is a different person altogether, and is seriously in love with me. My uncle agreed very unwillingly. So our marriage was solemnized with all the rituals."

I sat silently listening to her story and just hoped that now everything must have normalized between them. But Mona's voice cracked, she hiccupped painfully, eyes brimmed, making a strong effort to control her tears from overflowing, she continued, "Can you believe it, even after 2 children, he never changed his habits. Every night duty in the hospital, he used to spend with a different nurse. I just hoped against hopes that he would change, but it got from bad to worse. Murmurs started reaching my ears about his loose character. When I raised my voice, he raised his hand on me to keep me shut. I was torn between my two children and his barbaric actions. My son is eight, and daughter six, and I feared that the effects of our daily quarrels and encounters, will certainly have an impact on the nature and character of my children"

There was a long pause before she continued, "you know Asha, love is not there to tie one down, and it cannot be fully enjoyed without trust. Whenever I was with him I used to have hallucinations of the nights he has spent with other women.

Life shows you all the colors, bright and dull. Before marrying him I had seen a full spectrum of bright shades of the prism being reflected into my colorful future. I went against all the alarms shown by my dear uncle thinking that he was madly in love with me, and all his habits would change with time and maturity and the family bonds. But happiness was so short lived, that anyone in my position would have been shattered."

" The worst shade of darkness was yet to come into my life. Despite two lovely children in our family, the playboy became more playful with different partners. One who used to play with my body practically every night, was dumb enough not to notice a lump in my left breast, and remember he was a doctor too." Then she got nearly choked in her sobs, sipped some water and continued.

" One morning while taking a quick shower before going to the hospital, I noticed a tender mass in the outer quadrant of my left breast. I stopped at the cancer institute to take an expert opinion, before reporting for my hospital duty. I was fearful but hoping against hopes that it would be an ordinary lump of a fibro adenoma and not cancer breast. I was not only shocked but shattered also when one palpatory touch by the specialist diagnosed it as cancer breast. His alarming and shocking statement nearly tore my ear drums. " I just don't understand doctor Mona, both of you are doctors, and you have been so negligent to your own health. You have come at a stage when probably the spread if the disease has already occurred." Then after a pause he added, "Now radical mastectomy is the only solution, followed by chemo and radio therapies. I would not waste time to go for a biopsy confirmation."

" I just sank into the chair opposite to him. My heart beats became audible in his entire chamber; I could barely hold the arm rest of my chair with my cold and clammy hands. Pearly drops of sweat were clearly visible on my forehead. His next sentence shook me up to consciousness, " Now no more wasting of time. Immediate surgery." I just nodded my head and staggered out of his room. I went home as I was in no condition to attend to my regular duties."

When Alok came home I broke the ugly news to him. What was extremely shocking was his cool and unconcerned response to the entire situation. He spurted out in anger, "How can that bloody fool suggest a radical mastectomy and distort your body?" Then he added in a disgusted tone, "Do you know, chemo and radio therapy has a lot of side effects like alopecia and what not. It's all going to make you so ugly." His views were so unprofessional when he added, "He should just enucleate the tumor and maintain the normal physiological contour of your body. You can consult another surgeon tomorrow."

I just lost my cool and replied back, " Alok, you are a doctor and talking like a layman. I have consulted the best surgeon of international fame and you are challenging hid diagnostic abilities." His next sentence sounded absurd to me. " No Mona I cannot accept you with a distorted body, so just get the tumour removed, and let's wait and watch."

"And then die soon leaving the children with you and your new playmates." This sentence was sufficient to ignite him, so he retaliated back. "So go ahead with your own will. In any case I was planning to divorce you. Now I don't think I'll be able to stay with you anymore."

" I knew all your relations were limited only to the physical body, but I want to live for my children and myself. I have sufficient proofs of your infidelity, so before you plan anything, I'll divorce you and make things easier for you." I was mentally prepared for this day. I had even briefed my mother about his activities and character. So I just packed my bare necessities along with the children's belongings and waited for the day to dawn, spending the rest of the night repenting for not having listened to my uncle's advice."

The climax reached when the head of department called me to his office the next morning, and his words of sarcasm thronged my ears, "Dr. Mona I am sorry to say this, but you can't be ignorant about your husband's nocturnal activities in the hospital. He is polluting the whole atmosphere, and I am afraid if you lend a deaf ear to all this; some drastic action has to be taken against him."

"It was extremely embarrassing and insulting to hear what he said, but it added fuel to fire and helped me in decision making. My face flushed, hands trembled, eyes were fiery red and palpitation set in so loud that my heart beats must have been audible to him too. I put my hand in my pocket of the spotlessly white coat which I wore and took out a folded sheet of paper, handed it over to him saying, "Sir, I am not ignorant about all this, but disgusted. This is my resignation letter, which I was otherwise also going to hand over to you."

Then I briefed him about my health problem, and said, " I request you to take your own decision regarding Alok. If at all you can do me a favor, please transfer me to Pune so that I can go and stay with my mother and get my immediate surgery done."

The professor said in a cool sympathetic voice, "Dr. Mona, transfer will take some time, but I assure you I'll try my best to help you. I am sorry if I have hurt your feelings, but as a head of department it becomes my moral duty to take action against these types of activities." Then keeping a compassionate hand on my shoulder he said, " Your first priority is your health and the children. You are a competent and efficient doctor, any hospital will be happy to accept you with open hands. I will take care of your transfer. All the best."

"The climax reached on the day when Alok declared that he was going to marry a nurse, and demanded a divorce on grounds of my physical deformity. My only condition for the divorce was that both children will remain in my custody, for which he willingly agreed and I was to erase the infidelity charges against him, for which I willingly agreed. So now only a month is left in the separation period clause, then finally all formalities will be completed and we are legally divorced. As it is mum was staying alone, my brother after his marriage has settled in Australia and comes once in three four years. So mum takes care of the kids when I am in the hospital.

Now I have taken a transfer to Pune hospital. So this is what fate had in store for me and I have accepted it gracefully. I keep myself busy so that I don't get time to brood over life." My children have been admitted to a good school and our family is very peaceful now.

"Asha one thing I have learnt from life. Parents are always sacrificing and helpful. The tiny little hands which they hold and teach them to walk step by step, and even spend all their savings for their success and progress. But when these little children start running in life, they even use their parents as rungs of a ladder to climb up higher and progress further. But unfortunately when the parents want to complete their journey and take the last limited steps of their life, the children shrug from extending a supporting hand help them be comfortable in the terminal part of their journey. Suddenly the parents appear to be a burden for the strong young shoulders. So it happened with my mother too. She spent all her meager pension savings on my brother's education, his development of a carrier. Now he is well settled in Australia, comes to meet her after about half a decade, and shows his inability to take her with him. I'm glad I came to Pune, she is my mother too and I try my best to keep her happy. So Asha dear this is the true color of my life. I have no regrets. Both my children ere with me and their healthy future is all that matters now."

Seeing a lot of resemblance in our crumbled married lives, I just smiled and said, "How strange, we two best friends, got a similar script written by fate." Then I briefly told her the salient features of my break up and my decision to never give him a divorce.

Her brow raised, she flashed a quizzical glance and she inquired, "Do you love him so much that you don't want the bridges to be burnt, and plan to return to him in future?" Her question was ludicrous and valid. I shook my head and replied, "You know Mona, marriage is a mutually respectful relationship, and I was sure I would regain my customary equilibrium once out of his house. It took me no time to convert my incredible love for him into hatred. He had injured me not only physically but mentally and morally too.

When in the hospital, he had knelt down on his knees and asked for forgiveness. He had cried like a little child, repeating the word "Sorry" a million times. I refused to be humiliated again and again because of the other woman, who will never in her entire life get the designation of his wife. She will always remain the other woman in his life. This is my victory and his punishment, if it can be called so. I know I have achieved this at a very high cost, because my parents just erased the entire amount of loan extended to him. This was the price paid for my peace of mind.

From the start, as it appeared to me, the most consistent thing about him was the unwavering honesty, his independence and sharp wit. His intelligent conversation and authenticity were the qualities that attracted me. But I was a silly fool, not to access the motive behind all this hypocrisy was my father's wealth and not me. In due course of time, his betrayal will vanish in the thin air, but in some secret wishful moments I versioned him flying out to come and meet Aman atleast. This was utterly stupid and illusional.

You know Mona initially I was nervous, frustrated but not more than a smidgen concerned about the apparent commitment to this monumental mistake. He will want a divorce and I will not give. That's final.

We all had a sumptuous lunch along with the children, who had become good friends now. After a few weeks I invited Mona, her mum and the kids for lunch. Aman used to feel very happy in their company and would make plans to meet them frequently. So we kept visiting each other more often.

While we were doing some shopping together we encountered another common friend of ours, Suman. I could not recognize her at all, but Mona had met her a number of times, and did not fail to recognize her. When we were on our way back I said casually. She was the beauty of our class, lean and thin with a perfect figure. She has developed obesity and become lop sided now. Mona smiled and softly said, "Asha there is a long story behind her weight. Then glancing at our children she added, "I'll tell you some other day." By that time we had reached our home and were in the goodbye mode.

When we were alone after some days I asked out of inquisitiveness, "what were you telling me about Suman?"

Mona said in a low sounding tone, "She has gone into depression, keeps eating the whole day and is least bothered about her health, her looks and weight."

"Mona, if I remember correct, she was a topper of our class, very intelligent, very active and energetic; what has made her depressed?"

"You know Asha; marriage is a gamble for girls. You are lucky if all goes well. But if your stars are not favorable, you are in great trouble. Hers was an arranged marriage with a multimillionaire son of a business tycoon. He was the handsomest man I had ever seen. Within a month of marriage, she discovered that the boy was suffering from biphasic maniac disorder."

" Whenever he saw her talking to someone he used to suspect her character and keep her under vigilance. Things were so bad that her interaction with male servants was also supervised. In his hallucinations he used to imagine her flirting with his friends. So he stopped taking her out for parties. Her use of mobile phones was stopped as he imagined her talking to her old boyfriends. He just believed in buying the most expensive gifts for her and keeps her captured in a golden cage of his five star splendid bedrooms. You can imagine a girl like Suman, who was a free bird, was literally imprisoned within the four walls of their huge mansion."

Then her tone became gloomy when she continued, " On one occasion, they were out for shopping, when they were about to leave she met a family friend with his wife and a little child. She stood for a moment to talk to them. Her husband ordered her to leave, so she just said, "One sec, I'll just note down the phone number. He was so annoyed at this that he left her there, sat in the car and drove home. She immediately took a taxi and reached home within ten minutes. But he had left instructions to prohibit her entry. She waited for hours at the doorstep, and finally went to her parent's house to spend the night."

The next day he got an attack of schizophrenia, and became very violent, throwing away articles. Hitting and beating family members, and even himself. The consultant saw him and said to his father, "Sir, I had warned you not to get him married, till he is completely cured, which is a rare possibility, but you people did not listen to me. Now two lives are at stakes." He gave some hypnotic injections to him and put him to sleep. He left with his final advise, "Admit him to a mental asylum now."

Suman's mother told me once, that she spends all her time taking care of her husband, has become melancholic and lost interest in her own life. She keeps eating the whole day because of her depression, not caring for her looks and health.

" Suman has plenty of everything, but no happiness. At times she takes her husband to the orphanage and old age homes and distributes their articles of need. She thinks their blessings will cure him of his disease. She doesn't realize that she is also developing a similar disease and moving step by step closer to it. Asha. If this is not destin;. What else can we call it?"

Time rolled away, I was busy in my office work and upbringing of Aman. He turned out to be a very brilliant child, concentrating on studies and sports. Mona's son was his best friend. I realized that parenting a child alone does face some difficulties, but with full moral support of my parents and my brother, it became smooth sailing.
Chapter 7

Then came the happiest day of my life. Aman was awarded a scholarship in his college to go and complete his masters in USA. This certainly was the happiest moment of my life. My efforts had finally succeeded, and my son at the age of eighteen would go abroad for higher studies. I immediately called up mum to give her the good news. The excitement spoke in my tone, "Mum can you believe it; Aman has topped in college and will get a good scholarship for higher studies abroad."

There was a long silent pause on the other end. Then mum congratulated me in a very dull tone and said, "Asha dear, it's certainly good news, but how can you even think of letting him go. What about you? How do you even dream of living alone without him? He has been like your shadow, and the two of you can't be separated."

I was literally aghast at this remark and added, "Mum I was waiting for him to achieve something in life, and this is his first success, and certainly I will not put any hindrance in his future goals." Then I added in a subdued tone, "Mum I have got used to a lonely life, so let him go and build a bright future for himself, please don't push me into selfishness."

"How did you think that I will be so selfish and leave you alone in solitude and go in search of a bright future for myself?" I swirled around to see Aman standing at the door step. I was completely oblivious about his entry into the house. I just ran to hug him, gave him a congratulatory kiss and said, "You just can't imagine how happy I am on your achievement."

"I know mum, who else but you will be happy for this, but I can always stay back in India and study, so just forget about my leaving you alone and going abroad for higher education." I kept my index finger on his lips and pursed them tight saying, "These are lifetime opportunities which knock on your door once only, so grab them and don't let them go. I am busy in my work, so where is the time to feel lonely."

He held my hand tight, led me to the sofa and sat down beside me. "Mum I have been watching you from the time I grew up into adolescence. I have felt the depth of your loneliness, you have lived all these fourteen years only for me, I tried my very best to grow up to your expectations, making all efforts not to hurt you even a nano bit."

Then he became very serious in his talk and said, "I was waiting for an opportunity to discuss with you, something concerning just your life and not mine. Mum if you decide to remarry, I may be in a position to leave you and pursue my studies." I snapped him, "Aman, you are still a child and these matters are not to be discussed by children. You are ignorant about everything."

"No mum, I'm not as childish as you think me to be. I have been told everything by Raj uncle. I even know the reason for your apathy for marriage. But believe me all men are not alike. There is someone who has been watching you, your nature, your character and your aloofness for the past fourteen years. He has been decent enough, not to talk with on this subject. These are the people who don't have to boast of their character." Then he smiled and hugging me said, "He even knows those two persons who had a crush on you in your office, and how you maintained your aloofness and just ignored them."

I stared at him and articulated, " Aman, you have grown so big and I didn't even notice it. Son, I have closed this chapter and it's a no in capital letters." I was surprised by the maturity and seriousness of his talks, and intervened, "by the way whom are you talking about?"

" Your boss, Mr.Sumit. I am sure you know that he is a distant relative of Mona aunty. He is a widower. He lost his wife in a road accident just two years after their marriage. They were madly in love with each other. Her death came as a big shock for him. He too had decided never to marry again. Years passed and all the pressure from his parents failed to make him agree for remarriage. Mum in the recent past Mona's mum has convinced him, and he has admitted his inclination to your sober and strong character, I think you should give a serious thought to this matter." Then he added, "Grandma is coming tomorrow and we will discuss it with them."

It was a sleepless night for me. The curtain which I had drawn years ago over my past seemed to draw open. The past which I had erased out of my memory book seemed to open page by page. The memories of the past seeped into my thoughts threatening my composure. I vividly remembered mama calling me on Aman's birthday, to wish him then gradually these gaps became longer. I thought she might have become busy in her smaller grandchildren, and forgotten Aman, and not very keen to find further details. After his initial request for a legal divorce, which I had refused, Rohit had vanished and it was a gone and forgotten case.

I could not even dream of starting a new chapter of moving divorce issue after a lapse of fourteen years. I felt very dull and sultry the next morning, but there was so much work to be done. Aman's friends were coming for lunch. My parents, Mona's family were coming too. So I quickly set to work. Mum called me, "Asha I am bringing packed lunch for twenty five people, so don't get panicky. There is a special guest coming with us so just relax." Before I could ask about the guest she had disconnected the phone. I thought it must be some family friend.

Mum and dad reached it noon. Their greetings for Aman lasted for quite some time, and then all other guests poured in one after another. To my surprise, Mona her mum and children came along with Sumit. Aunty introduced him to me as, "Meet my nephew Sumit," He smiled softly, and said, "We are working in the same office, Aunty. It was Aman who pressurized me to join in the celebration."

I fumbled for words, never before had I felt so embarrassed. "Welcome, sir. "I greeted him softly. Then we all settled down, chatting away in their group.

"So Aman, when are you planning to go to US?"Was Sumit's query. "No, uncle, I am thinking of continuing my education in India only due to some personal reasons "Was the cool reply from Aman? All stared at him in surprise.

It was an involuntary remark which spurted out from me, "No way he is surely going in two months' time," Mum stared at me and said, "how fair will it be to leave you alone and go out for studies? We will discuss it after lunch."After a great sumptuous lunch, desert and coffee, everyone left, except my parents.

Then dad took out an envelope from his coat and handed over to Aman, "get the papers signed and send them back to me. I'll take care of the rest of it." They must be his visa papers I thought and got to cleaning up the table.

When all had left, Aman and I were relaxing after a hectic day and I enquired, "what were those papers that dad gave you?"

He brought the envelope and handed it to me saying, "You have to sign them and I'll send them back to grandpa." I opened the envelope, with eyes wide open, I stared at him and banged the papers on the table, in an irritable gesture and said, "Why do you people want to invite trouble for me?"

Aman said in a very cool tone, "Mum, I am eighteen now, so he can't keep that clause also before you, regarding my custody, So please take a sensible step and get done with it as soon as possible."

We were still in the middle of the talk when his phone rang and showed an unknown number. I heard him say "yes, who's this?"

The voice on the speaker was clearly audible, "Hey! Son, congrats, saw your name with photo in the newspaper. You've done an excellent job."

Aman's voice was cool but puzzled, raising a brow he replied, "Do I know you? Thanks anyway." And disconnected the phone. He may not have known the person but I knew it was his father. My face became blanched, beads of sparkling sweat appeared on my forehead, hands became cold and clammy, and I could hear my heart thumping. My head was pounding; I did not take even a Nano second to recognize that voice which I had heard after ages. I just kept quiet showing to be ignorant, about the familiar voice.

My life which was peaceful for all these years suddenly became turbulent, and restless. All my healed wounds became painful and my dry eyes brimmed again, all my efforts to control their overflow failed, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I was standing on a bifurcated road, not able to decide which route to pursue. It made feel as if I was on a cliff and would fall off at any moment.

One of the roads was illuminated taking me to a new start of my life and my son to a bright future in the west. The other road was more rugged, lengthy and dark with no end. My intention of not granting a divorce was that I would never marry because of my son. Now my son himself is persuading me for remarriage because he does not want to see me lonely anymore.
Chapter 8

I knew Sumit was a thorough gentleman, a very honest and laborious person. He was the director of my company and I had never had any problem working with him in the past fourteen years. He had always been decent to the whole staff including me. This was one reason why I had continued working in the same office all these years.

Mum called me thrice the next day. Every time she tried to convince me on this subject, praising Sumit and his behavior. She even conveyed to me that he had asked Mona to talk to you on this topic. One part of me said that now that Aman is going out, he will take up a job where ever the best offer comes from, and life will certainly become lonely and monotonous. But my conscience spoke loudly and said you have had a miserable experience with a man whom you loved with all your heart and soul. So why expose yourself to another shock at this age. , So I just closed my eyes ant went off to sleep.

On Monday morning, before leaving for my office, I took out the set of papers, signed them and kept them in Aman's room. I gave a sigh of relief that I have freed myself of the old ties and given Rohit the freedom to legally remarry the other woman for whom he had broken up with me. Dad in order to hasten the procedure and ensure that Rohit would not create any problem in signing them sent his attorney personally to Lucknow to get the job done.

Monday working in the office seemed different from other days. I became more conscious Every time I went to Sumit's room I felt a warm flush in my face, my hands trembling while handing the files to him. The dictations which used to be flawless were full of errors. I just didn't know what had gone wrong.

"Asha, can you sit down for a minute," he said pointing to the chair. "I think my visit to your house yesterday has put you to embarrassment, believe me, I was there on Aman's pressure, just to participate in the celebration of his success. I had no intension what so ever to make you feel embarresed. Forgive me if I have offended you." I immediately interrupted, "Sir please doesn't ask for forgiveness now this will make me feel embarrassed."

Then he continued, "I have never discussed my personal problems with anyone. Despite pressure from my parents for remarriage, I always felt that I have yet not found the right person to go for a relationship. I had been in contact with you for so many years, and always thought this is the type of woman I would choose whenever I decided to re marry. It was only when Mona told me about your past that I realized that even today there are girls who value their dignity and self-respect. I am really impressed with it. If you are comfortable with it, I am always there to share your company. If you feel offended in any way, please forget today's episode, and we will just be friends."

Beyond the contemplative expression those raven black eyes didn't offer much to read. His tone was cool and poignant, but my mind traversed to the past and unwanted thoughts hammered home how much that mad man had emotionally and physically violated me. Started trembling and felt cold all over. I folded my arms to conceal my trembling, and softly added, "My memories of the past are very painful, and I want to forget them. Now that you know everything, let me tell you that my personal life is in shambles."

For a moment we just exchanged blank stares silently, questioning who was responsible for all that had happened to me. Me and my luck, God or Rohit who was my love. The warmth radiating from his gaze chased away the chill running through my spine.

"I understand," he said. I only thought that it might help you work through everything that happened. Many people find confiding in friends and in God to be very comforting."

He had hardly finished his sentence when I intervened. "As for God, I have a lot of questions right now. I sometimes wonder if there is a God at all. Why would a God, who is supposed to love everyone, do all what he did to me. I have lost my marriage, my daughter, my home. I think I am lucky to be alive. I feel I have been punished for something. Had it not been for my parents, I would not have been alive today."

Surprisingly his voice was calm and composed, "I believe that everything happens for a reason although it may not be clear to us. I have a strong belief that anyone who does wrong is being made to atone for what he did. This is fate."

"Sir I can't afford to make a wrong decision any more. My choice to marry Rohit and not having the ability to see beyond my feelings for him was my basic mistake."

"Asha you have your parents, Aman and me as a good friend, if you accept my friendship. You need to have faith in God and ask for His help in decision making. You are quite young and beautiful and the rest of your life is ahead of you. I know time is a big healer and life has given you ample time to come out of your shock." I vividly remember his sober way of appreciating me by his poignant remark concerning beauty, "Beauty is not a physical thing. It is in the ideas and eyes of the beholder, and it lasts because it is in one's mind and not merely what one sees." I knew my face had cleared pretty well but there remained some healing wounds of painful memories, scarring my mind.

At this point of time I clearly remembered mum explaining to me in her last visit. "Never deny love, my child, for to deny love is to deny the greatest gift. Who are we to deny the gift of God?" There had been several influences, both subtle and apparent working in several ways to induce her to agree to this. The most obvious was the influence from Sumit. The excessive physical charm had first attracted her sensuous susceptibility to beauty. But after the big jolt of life, she had become stronger and sensible.

My reply was very to the point. "Mum, I think first you should love yourself. But in order to love yourself, you need other people to love you. This is your weakness." Before I could say anything further, she intervened, "and honey, you carve your life for others, for everyone but yourself." Then after a pause she added, "Asha, you are so strong, so certain of the paths before you, now let your strength be born out of your necessity. Take your time and take a cool headed decision. You will jeopardize your life with your shaky mind."

She had tried her utmost to convince me and help me in decision making, saying, "Love is freely given and not bargained for. It is not there to tie one down and it cannot be fully enjoyed without trust. Surely Sumit is trustworthy, as you have observed him aver all these years." I was so apprehensive, and thought heart doesn't always follow the mind. Logic and love are not close friends.
Chapter 9

It was a Saturday and we were invited to Sumit's house for dinner. A celebration dinner given in honor of Aman's success. So there was no question of refusal from my Side. There were no other guests. Aman and I reached at 8 o'clock sharp. A middle aged man probably his care taker was there at the door to attend to the call bell. He greeted us warmly, and informed Sumit, who entered, dressed in informal attire. He cordially greeted us and made us comfortable in his lavishly kept living room. Silence prevailed everywhere, as Sumit and the servant were the only inmates in the huge mansion.

A glance around the room showed exquisite furnishings, grandeur reflected from every piece of furniture. The huge chandelier that hung in the center flooded the entire room with dim light. An oval table at the right hand corner of the sofa where I sat, had a beautiful crystal glass frame encircling a beautiful picture of Sumit and his diseased wife. The picture spoke of her beauty to me. Everything was spotlessly clean depicting the maintenance of the house

We sat there for some time, chatting about the future plans Of Aman, who appeared to be very comfortable with Sumit. I could see Sumit was trying to be cheerful but his weary eyes defied him and he obviously got a sudden pang of anxiety and then snapped back to normalcy.

Aman went into the lawn to appreciate the beautiful plants and we sat there, Sumit broke the silence, "so Asha, have you come anywhere closer to your decision?"

I was startled by the sudden direct query, but felt my fear fade away into his caring face. I heard myself say, "One day you are married to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The next day you are in the storm alone. I know it sounds as if my life can only be validated by a man. But there is no person who doesn't eventually want the comfort and delight of bickering through life with a loved one."

Suddenly I felt an indescribable oppression which seemed to generate in some unfamiliar part of my conscience which filled my whole being with a vague anguish. It was like a shadow, like a mist, passing across my soul. I sat there inwardly upbraiding my husband, lamenting at fate which had diverted my footsteps to the path I had chosen. But I had reconciled with a lofty chastity which was my inborn quality.

I had worries, extreme panic attacks. He was so calm and understanding, so logical. There had been no abuse of any kind in my life through him. He had always motivated me, encouraged me, and supported me at times. He allowed me to be upset and crazy, because I liked it. He protected me, admired me, and tried to make me laugh at times. He never annoyed me and even loved me.

I was lost in my imaginations when he interrupted me saying, "Asha, the more you linger over your past the more confused you'll become. So just forget the past and start a new chapter. This is my advice to you not as your boss but as a friend, as a well-wisher."

I opened my mind to him once again, "Rohit knew I adored him and he let me adore him for full four years, even when he was having relations with the other woman. No one could fathom the deceit and cruelty beneath that simple face. To tell you very frankly, I don't want to be the object of sympathy and start a new life with a feeling of mercy." I wondered who can tell what metals God uses in forging the subtle bond which we call sympathy or might as well call it love.

Then after a pause I continued, "I have never told any of my friends about the brutal beating. None of them know the reason, I have been avoiding them and have ensconced in the middle of nowhere with no view of returning to society anytime within the next decade. I am just wandering aimlessly around in a daze just trying to figure out my life and my future."

I was astonished myself; at the liberal discussions we had, and my opening up my heart without restraint. After a very tasty and sumptuous dinner Aman and I bid him goodbye and went home. On our way back Aman just passed a subtle remark, "Sumit uncle is a very nice guy. I like him a lot."
Chapter 10

On Sunday morning, I woke up quite late. The dark circles around my eyes reminded me of the sleepless night I had had. One part of me was pushing me into the positive mode, but another part, the bigger part was holding me back from starting a new life. But I could feel myself into positivity. We were having our late breakfast when the doorbell screamed twice. Aman left his plate ad went to attend to the doorbell. Mum doesn't come without prior phone call, who could it be at this early hour of the day? As the door opened, I was stunned to behold the visitor. It was mama, Rohit's mother from Lucknow.

Momentarily I sat listless on the dining chair. Then quickly regained my composure and stood up to greet my mother in law. Aman had no picture of her in his mind, so he just stared with a quizzical look. "Aman, meet your grandma," I said indicating with a nod of the head to greet her. It was an unexpected visitor, but laid bare open all the wounds that had been inflicted on not only on my body, but my mind, my heart, and my soul. She encircled her arms around Aman and hugged him hard, "Son, you've grown so tall and so handsome."

Aman stood there towering above her with a blank look on his face, as if thinking, why on earth she has come now, after so many years. Then she hugged him again, "congrats on your wonderful success."

Her small suitcase was brought in and she was made comfortable in one of our bedrooms. Then the three of us had a quick breakfast and I asked her, "Mama, you must be tired after a long journey, take a quick shower and rest for some time." Then I added, "you should have called me to pick you up from the station".

"No Asha, I am fine. Won't you ask how Rohit is doing?" Before I could say anything I observed anger and annoyance peeping from Aman's eyes. But I replied in a very calm tone, "I know he must be doing very well with the expansion of his vast business and a very competent partner. Now I have no right to probe into his activities."

Then she looked at Aman and continued, "Sunny, don't mistake my visit to you all is with some purpose. I have gone deep into spirituality, and am beyond any feelings of happiness or sorrow. This much is sure that you sow with one hand and reap the fruits with the other hand. One gets exactly his share, nothing less nothing more. That's exactly what he got."

Her brimming eyes let her down, despite the effort to hold them back, her tears trickled down her cheeks and flowed with fast speed. I was in an awkward situation, whether to let her flood out her grief, or to hold her and bring her back to normalcy. She continued in a sobbing cracked voice, "what he did to you was inhuman, and any woman with self-respect and dignity would have done what you did. Unfortunately, I remained silent throughout the entire incident, and regretted all these years for remaining a mute spectator. I knew my son's obstinate nature, right from the time of his childhood. But he would stoop down to brutality was beyond my imagination.

Whenever he had desired to possess anything, he would acquire it by any means, fair or foul and we as parents had no control over him. In the beginning we took him to be an obstinate spoilt child who was very possessive too. His dad and I thought he would grow out of it as age advanced. But it became his weakness.

When we chose you as his partner, we were sure his habits would reform with your cool and adjusting nature.

In the initial few years of marriage we observed a great change in him and felt a great relief. You can imagine the extent of tension we experienced when he brought Meeta to the house; His father's weak heart could not stand the blow and passed away. He was lucky and was spared of the pain that followed./ He left me alone to face everything that happened after that. But After losing my husband, I could not afford to lose my son, so the only path left for me was to keep silent, and accept what destiny had in store for me."

Aman observed the tension enveloping me and intervened, "Excuse me grandma, but now what is the sense of discussing the past and creating new abrasions in our wounds all over again, specially, mum who is still nursing her internal wounds."

"Aman, let mama speak and feel lighter at least. I see her as a very tense person today, which she never was." I kept my hand on mama's shoulder in a gesture to continue.

"I can assure you Asha, if I were in your position, and faced what you did, I would have also done the same as you did. I could not pick the courage to show my face to you or your mother who was my best friend, all these years".

"The day you left the house, Lady Luck seemed to have moved out along with you. The two of them, Meeta and Rohit were relaxed thinking every obstacle has been removed from their way. They started living in the same room like husband and wife. I was forced to keep my mouth and eyes shut and just stay in the same house which was my only shelter and where all memories of my husband were still lingering. I always felt guilty that he was not even thinking of refunding the loan amount to your parents".

" Meeta gradually took hold of the entire business and kept a secretary, Tony. He was the most handsome boy I had ever seen. He was very efficient, well qualified and took over most of the management in his business. Rohit started remaining more relaxed which was good for everyone."

"We were having dinner when suddenly, Meeta started a sensitive topic. "I am staying with you, but legally we cannot be taken as man and woman, because that bitch has not given you a divorce."

Her filthy language startled me so I took my served plate and went to my room to finish my dinner. But I could still hear the gist of the conversation. Rohit cooly replied to her, "How does that effect our life, she has not interfered all these years, so why the tension."

"No Rohit, I need some financial security, and it's good for you also. Tomorrow, if she wants her money back she can lay her claim only on your share of the assets and not mine. So make me a fifty percent partner."

Then she took out a set of papers from her purse and handed them over to Rohit saying, "All the legal work has been completed and all you have to do is put your signatures." I knew Rohit has been blinded in her love and will do according to her desire. I had no role in that house except that of a guest who lives on bed and breakfast basis. After taking care of all the chores of the house, I used to make myself busy in my spiritual activities and some social works, come home and go to bed to arise again in the morning to follow the same routine. I had practically no purpose in life ."

" One day there was a loud argument going on when I entered the house at night after my routine social activities. "You little slut," he shouted at her. "You are nothing but a silly whore. Just pack up your shitty stuff and get out of my house before I kill you." She shouted back, "What the hell are you talking, you must be drunk."

"Don't act so innocent with me, you bitch. I overheard your conversation with Tony your lover. Telling that bastard that you are carrying his child, in your belly. This makes all the sense to me. Why you were coming home late when I was ill. The late nights you told me were due to work load. Then you wanted me to believe that it was our baby, and made me happy that after all these years I am fathering a baby. You stupid slut, I knew something was wrong. We had had no sex for week's altogether when you had announced the news of pregnancy. You are just a filthy lying whore."

He shouted, and was completely consumed by rage, raised his right arm in the air; he tightened his fist and aimed it at her face. She immediately cupped her hands over her face and protecting herself, bent her body out of his reach and screamed back at him. "You silly fool I am not a coward like your insane wife and get beaten by you."

Though she had lost her balance and nearly stumbled down towards the floor, but steadying herself, she extended her hand held back his raised hand and shouted, "Stop it! You are going to hurt my precious baby," she cried.

He showed no signs of relenting, he stormed into the room, opened her closet, grabbed a huge suitcase, and started filling it with her dresses and stuff. The look on his face was wild; face was scarlet, eyes filled with rage. He looked a mad man. "How long were you and your boyfriend going to carry on this façade? You just get out of my house before I kill you." He screamed at her.

" His anger was increased many fold at her sarcastic shot, "Oh! So you feel hurt when you're so called wife, not legally wedded to you, goes with another man. What must that poor lady, Asha have felt when you brought me in your house, and kept me right in her bed room right under her nose. When you didn't belong to your own legally wedded wife, how could you belong to me? So I found another one. Anyway, who cares for a drunkard like you?"

She then pleaded with him to let her stay and they would sort it out. She said she desperately wanted to have a baby and had no shelter right now. He refused to listen, closing and latching the suitcase, yanked it off the bed and threw it on the floor, shouting, "No more of your nonsense now! I can understand why you were so desperate to get a large fixed deposit in the name of our forthcoming child, which is not ours but yours and that bloody lover of yours."

After what seemed like hours, Meeta hobbled out of the bathroom, she had probably contacted Tony on her cell phone from the bathroom and said in a stern voice, "Rohit you have been ruined and you are on the road now. Whole of your business and all your bank accounts are in my name now. You were a fool to think that I will spend the rest of my life with a drunkard like you, who is an impotent useless, good for nothing. The papers that you had signed under the effect of alcohol were all these documents." She said all this in one breath.

I heard the squealing tires of a car stop at our door, which jerked open and Tony entered the house, fearlessly went upstairs, lifted her suitcase, and boldly climbed down the stairs, holding Meeta's hand. They left the house together, hand in hand, banged the door close behind them and went away.

" I sat there on my bed, trembling and crying. I didn't know what to do? It's all finished, I thought. I had never interfered in their quarrels all these years, thinking they'll sort out themselves. When there was pin drop silence, the car doors had slammed hard and the sound of the engine faded out, I felt a lump in my throat chocking me, so I went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on my face, wiped it and slowly climbed the stairs after full fourteen years to go to Rohit's room".

" Believe me Asha; after you and little Aman had left that room and that house I had no valid reason to visit that room. Then I had no desire to probe into their personal life. Had I not changed my path to spirituality, the melancholic life would have dragged me into depression. So I tried to keep myself cool and calm and let destiny have its toll."

Chapter 11

"I knew very well you were too sincere and would rather die than to accept another woman in his life. What he did to you was beyond any human action. He be fooled me saying you had fallen down the staircase. Then you had lost consciousness and were nearly dying. So taking care of your emergency was my prime duty. How relieved I was that his dad did not live to see his son's animal like behavior. I had thought Rohit would feel guilty of killing his father, who could not bear the shock of that woman into his life and passed away the same night peacefully, leaving me behind to bear with everything and face all the consequences." I sat there listening patiently to her as Aman sat stunned. Narrating all episodes was relieving her of the burden of guilt. So I let her continue.

"When your parents shifted you to Mumbai hospital, I knew in my heart of hearts that I would be losing you and Aman forever. But that was more acceptable than your miseries with Rohit. Believe me Asha, there was no element of deceit on my part regarding your marriage. I do agree that my son was obstinate, demanding and very ambitious right from childhood. We took all these as his qualities for future progress. Who knew the thin line which would turn these into vices?" Then she added in soft tone< "may be he was attracted to you because of your riches."

When Meeta left, I entered his room, Rohit sat in his room on a corner sofa, with a bottle of scotch in his hand taking neat gulps from it. I said, "Rohit the doctor has told you very clearly, that with your cirrhotic liver, alcohol is a poison for you; please don't make yourself worse."

" He stared back into my eyes with fiery red eyes, "Who the hell wants to live anymore? Mama everything is finished. I trusted her more than life, I adored her, loved her with all my heart and soul. That bitch was spinning her web against me, and brought me on the road. This must be someone's curse; God has sent me what I deserved. I wanted my path blooming with colorful flowers, but weeds have grown there all around me."

" Then before I could hold his hand, he gulped the remaining bottle empty and collapsed on the sofa."

I clearly saw mama exhausted and offered her some water. She continued, " I immediately called up his treating physician who arrived in ten minutes, and before he could do his thorough check up. Rohit vomited out a full pool of blood and became unconscious. We shifted him to the hospital where he was admitted to the emergency and his vitals restored after i.v fluids and oxygen etc. His liver had been extensively damaged, and even a drop of alcohol is prohibited, but he gets violent and demands more of it. The doctor does not agree to de addict him because of the damaged liver.

" I am the unfortunate mother who is gradually pushing him to death by giving him a constant supply of alcohol. The doctor explained to me that all the drugs used for de-addiction are metabolized in the liver. Once the liver is damaged with cirrhosis, all drugs fail to be absorbed."

Mama was silent for a moment and then continued, "I have not narrated his details to gain sympathy from any one, or to get some financial help. I think my husband left sufficient for me to survive. The two of us are now surviving on those funds. The huge amount that your parents had extended as loan has all turned to ashes. How I wish I had exercised control over his activities and nipped it in the bud."

Mama, went to the room, opened her suitcase, and brought out an envelope of papers, handing it to me she said, "I took this as an opportunity of meeting you two, hand over the divorce papers duly signed and extend my blessings to both of you for a bright and happy future."

I sat stony still lost and dazed. Aman could judge the state of my mind, the turbulence of my mind, the tidal oceanic waves of the past hitting my brain. He kept a soothing hand on my shoulder and said, "Mum, past is gone, future is oblivious, so let us just live in the present." I nodded my head, turned to mama who was looking surprised at the maturity level of Aman. She smiled at Aman and said, "I am proud of you my son, and I congratulate Asha; despite bringing you up as a single parent she has given to you the qualities which she possesses, and which is the real asset and wealth of your life."

A veil of sadness and tension enveloped me and my face reflected it. I asked, "Mama, if you need any help in taking care of Rohit, I can go with you, but only after Aman leaves for US. I can understand how difficult it must be for you, with his ailment." Her reply was very cool, "No Asha, I will manage everything alone. Take it as my repentance on my punishment for keeping silent even after seeing his atrocities towards you. I was completely helpless. I know you must have forgiven him for all his deeds, but it's only now that the two of you are legally liberated, and I don't want you to bear any more pain".

" God has given you a chance to overcome your devastation by immersing yourself in building of a new life." Then she kept a compassionate hand on my head and added, "Despite your not wishing anything ill for him, he has received his full share of punishment by the Almighty. This is the rule of law. We have to accept it and reap the fruits of our actions. Our destiny script has already been written when we are born, it reveals slowly and gradually as life moves forwards. I can do anything for him but cannot change his destiny. So just pray that he is strong to face the consequences."

The words had hardly left her lips when Aman intervened, "Mum we can always send a maid from here who could assist grandma in caretaking. I have so much of shopping list and then all the packing to be done." I could judge his fear of this turning point in my life. My going back on compassionate grounds, would cancel all his efforts of making me agree for commencing a new life. So he did not want to take any chances.

"No, son, there is no need of anyone going from here, his doctor friend visits him often, and I can manage the rest of his work alone. When I came here I left Rohit in his hospital where he is being taken good care of."

Then after a short pause she added, "I told you that this visit of mine is in no way based on acquiring sympathy or help of any kind. I have learnt this much in my spiritual pursuit that it's all a game of destiny. One gets what is his share of luck. Nothing more and nothing less."

For a moment, selfishness crept into me and I thought how could Rohit have such a peaceful end? He must be doped with alcohol, sleeping day in and day out. My mind went racing to the past. I had been the most loving and sincere wife, loving him more than life itself. He did not have to face the miseries, the humiliations, the public whispers and stares which I did, of being a deserted wife. He did not deserve an easy end. He had to pay for every action of his, his beating me to death for no fault of mine. His forgery in the large amount of loan extended by my parents was still not erased from my memory. Above all his infidelity.

Then I realized my folly instantaneously. When I had not wished anything bad for him all these years, why now, when he is already in agony and suffering.

"Mama, I know it is absurd on my part, but I have been nursing all my mental wounds and nurturing them to keep the memories fresh in my mind, in order to maintain the hatred, and apathy for the shear name of marriage. Believe me I had decided to live my remaining life with Aman, but now I have to satisfy his demand and take care of his future more than anything. He does not want to leave me alone and has made me agree for a restart of my new life."

"Asha dear, I can understand all this, I would rather have wanted this to happen years ago, but anyway it's better to be late than never."
Chapter 12

The doorbell rang very harsh and Aman ran to the door as if he was waiting for the arrival of a guest. I was aghast to behold Sumit as he entered; it was certainly an unexpected visit. Aman immediately introduced him saying, "Grandma, meet Sumit uncle; He is the director of the company where mum is working. Now with great effort we have been able to convince mum, to agree for marriage."

Before anyone could say anything, mama encircled her arms around my neck, excitement showing on her face, "Oh! This is wonderful news, I am so happy that Asha has agreed to start her new life. It was so disturbing even to imagine her living alone after you were gone."

"Grandma, if she had not agreed, I was not going anywhere. This was a pact."

Sumit stayed for lunch, talked freely with all of us. Then mama said in a sad tone, "How I wish I could also attend the marriage and bless them, but I'm leaving after three days. Anyway my blessings are always with you."

Aman looked at Sumit with his raised brows and narrowing his eyes, questioned him. The body language was sensed; Sumit smiled softly and nodded his head in agreement. Aman nearly jumped off his seat and called up my parents, "Granny, there is good news and all of you are reaching here immediately. All further details will be communicated to you personally." His excitement was turning him hyper.

I wanted to speak, but Aman kept a finger on my lips and pursed them tight. Then looking at Sumit he said we'll go and make all the arrangements soon. I signaled him into my bedroom and talked to him, "Honey, I have agreed to all your demands. You have to agree to my only request. I don't want any big show about the whole event. Let's keep it in the registrar's office, with all our immediate relatives there. Then it can be followed by a family and friends dinner in a good hotel, but convey my request to Sumit and take his consent too."

"Ok, mum as you please." Was his excited reply, and he darted out of the room saying; "I'll have to make a list of all the friends now."

Mum dad my brother's family reached by the evening. There was excitement all over. Mum had brought with her a few diamond sets with her for my approval. I refused everything saying, "Mum; now all these materialistic things do not matter for me. My previous jewelry is lying untouched in the bank lockers; I don't want to add anything to it. You know Sumit had said once I just want you and only you, he's not going to accept anything else. You know very well all that I want is happiness of all of you, and that has become evident for the past two days." Sumit's parents were so overjoyed at their son's decision that they also reached on the same day as my parents.

Rohit's mother stayed back and very gracefully participated in the entire show. Though a breech had developed in her friendship with my mum, but I could understand her miseries more than my mum. She was literally helpless. Part of her was with us but the greater part of her was with her son whom she contacted a dozen times, to confirm his wellbeing. Despite her turbulent mind she posed to be strong. The dinner that was hosted by Sumit included some of the important business tycoons some officers from big companies. His entire office staff and his parents who were the happiest to see their son happy.

The entire show ended in a short span of two days exactly as I had wanted it to be, a quiet and simple affair. Rohit's mother wanted to leave on the third day and we did not want to persuade her for further stay, because of her anxiousness.

We were on our way to the airport, mama and I sat on the rear seat, both quiet and lost. I realized that both of us had grown over the lost years as a result of intertwining of our lives and the sea of emotions we had experienced at our ends. As a result we had a bond of respect and acceptance of each other.

I kept my hand on her cold and clammy hand and said, "Mama, I know you are strong, take care of yourself too. If you need any help, don't hesitate, just call us. Sumit and I will be there for your assistance." Sumit wished her goodbye when she was going for her security check and said, "Mama, please don't hesitate if you need us." Then we watched her go through the security check and then she got lost in the crowd.
Chapter 13

On our way back from airport, I travelled not only a distance of 20 miles, but traversed my entire life span of four years spent with Rohit. I was hit by tumultuous waves of past memories some sweet but many were painful. I felt annoyed with myself for my blunt perceptions, and unable to analyze the deceit which Rohit had in his mind, probably right from the time of our first meeting.

Sumit was fully aware of my turbulent mind especially after meeting mama and getting a full account of the past fourteen years of my absence from that house. I had a firm determination to never ever look back into my past and erase the entire script and start a fresh blank slate of my life with Sumit.

My only aim was to bring up Aman with the best upbringing, and transform him into a good human being with no traits of his father. This I seemed to have achieved to a great extent.

Suddenly the squealing sound of car brakes with a sudden jerk made me aware that we had reached Sumit's home and I involuntarily said, "Oh! We have reached your house."

The slanting smile on his face, and a cool correction, "Our house has been reached. I know you were engrossed and entangled in some cobweb, and I wanted to give you full freedom of thought. I think Aman must be hungry and waiting for lunch, so let's go in and have lunch with him." I felt so relieved that there is someone else too who is concerned about my son.

Then followed the most busy and hectic period of my life. Only a fortnight left for Aman to leave. All his shopping sessions, his packing and weighing of the suitcases more than fifty times in order to follow the baggage rules was all done not by me alone, but Sumit was an active participant in every activity. His involvement gave me a peculiar sense of protection and satisfaction. At no step did it appear that Aman was not his real son. Sumit would be so caring, so understanding, so concerned was beyond imagination.

My whole family, mum dad and my brother's family came to our house to bid him good bye. Sumit's parents also took active participation and all elders left half a dozen instructions each, of the does and don'ts of life, to which Aman very gracefully and decently listened. Finally he spurted out, "Mum I am not a little kid that all of you are so worried." Three of us said in one tone, "Of course you are." finally the day of his departure arrived, which made me sad and tense. I tried my very best to maintain my composure and exhibit strength.

Sumit asked him in a compassionate tone. "Son, would you like to say bye to your granny in lucknow, and take her blessings too." I nodded in a positive gesture agreeing to his suggestion. Sumit dialed the number and handed over the phone to Aman. "Hell!" Was a feeble staggering faint tone from the other end? Aman looked at me as if wanting my permission whether to talk to his unknown father or not. I just nodded my head and he continued, "I am Aman speaking from Mumbai. I wanted to bid good bye to you and grandma, as I am leaving for US tomorrow."

"Oh, son you made my life, I am so happy; God bless you. Here you go, talk to mama."

"Hi granny, I am leaving tomorrow." Aman addressed her respectfully. The speaker voice was audible to all of us, when she replied in an excited tone, "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy you remembered to say bye to us before leaving India. God bless you. Our blessings and good wishes are always with you. Take care of yourself, and don't worry about Asha. She is in safe and loving hands."

I got choked with a lump arising in my throat. My heart beats were faster and louder, probably audible to the whole crowd around me. I held on to Aman's hand till his number came for the security check. Despite the pleasant weather and air condiyioning, beads of sweat appeared on my blenched face like the tiny morning dew drops. Aman anticipating my state of mind held my hand tight in reassurance and glanced at Sumit as if praying to him to take care of me and not let his absence become felt. Then he just let go of my hand and turned to go for security check.

Immediately Sumit encircled his right arm around me, drew closer to me and whispered, "no tears, you are a strong woman. You wanted to send him out for higher studies. We will go and meet him soon, once he is settled." When we lost sight of Aman he whispered softly, "now can we go home?" I nodded in agreement and went to the parking lot for our car.

Initially I missed Aman a lot but Sumit tried to keep me busy and made me talk to him nearly thrice a day. Then I realized that Aman would not be able to concentrate on his studies. So gradually the frequency of conversations reduced and we got engrossed in our routine. Sumit was exceptionally considerate and loving, trying his very best to keep me happy. After six months of Aman's departure he came home one day and handed an envelope to me saying, "We are leaving for Lucknow tomorrow."

I gave him a look of surprise, and said, "Why?"

His answer was very cool. "To meet mama."

Chapter 14

Throughout the flight I wondered, how was Sumit concerned about Rohit or Mama. We reached within two hours. It was a completely changed airport. The one I had arrived after my marriage was a small one with only domestic flights. Now it was much bigger catering for international flights too. All the modern facilities were there. It was bigger and cleaner too.

We took a cab and I felt very nervous to enter the same lanes, the same house and then face the stares and whispers of the neighbors. I looked at Sumit in a query mode and inquired, "How do you know the exact address?" He gave a smile and said, Asha dear I am the director of a famous company and whenever I travel, I collect all the information before departure."

With a sudden jerk and a squealing sound of the tires the cab came to a halt. The glow sign on the multistoried building read as Jeevni Hospital. Before I could open my mouth to ask a question, Sumit descended from the cab and the driver opened the door to let me out. Sumit held my hand tight and softly whispered, "We have to meet Rohit who has been admitted here."

I was speechless and horrified. Within a minute we were facing a room which read, "Special ICU" A nurse guided us to an annexe where we washed and scrubbed our hands, changed into sterilized gowns, put on a mask and entered the adjacent room.

It was a dimly lit room with a propped up bed in the center. There I saw mama sitting in a corner on a reclining chair. She wearily lifted herself up and met both of us. Then taking e few steps to the central bed she touched Rohit's arm and whispered near his left ear, "Open your eyes Rohit, look who has come to see you?"

A frail emaciated Rohit lay on a propped up bed in a supine position. He was only skin and bones. An oxygen mask on his nose with multiple wires and tubes dangling around it. Eyes were sunken, lips parched and papery dry. His cheek bones were unusually prominent due to loss of fat. His breathing was very strenuous, despite the monitors connected to regulate his vitals.

I was horrified to see him in this pitiable condition. But his face was recognized by me, as the once upon a time, handsome face for which I had fallen at first sight.

Mama held Sumit's hand and said, " thank you for calling me every week and extending moral support. Even the specialist whom you had sent for assessment of his kidney functions declared it as a gone case and irreversible condition. No chances of renal transplant too because of liver damage. When you last called we had just transferred him to the i.c.u and all doctors said it is a matter of time now".

Then she held my hand, slowly took me to his bedside and kept my hand on his forehead, saying in mono articular syllabus, "Asha forgive him fully from the bottom of your heart and release him to pass off peacefully. He is probably waiting for that."

What was colder, my hand or his forehead was impossible for me to differentiate? I felt his icy cold skin and as if some vibrations had been transmitted, his eyes blinked slightly, his head turned towards the left, the side of the bed where I stood. Then there was a dew drop like tear which rolled down the outer angle of his left eye, and wet the pillow cover of his bed. I compassionately wiped that rolled down stream of tears, and said, "Rohit, past is past, gone and forgotten. Just relax and concentrate on Almighty. He will lessen your miseries."

## He took a final gasping breath, and became completely flaccid with his face turned to his left. My scream came involuntarily, "Call the doctor."Mama shook her head in negativity; Sumit held me by my hand and seated me on a chair. I just stared aghast, with a blank expression on my face. The doctor was already standing at the doorway probably anticipating the inevitable to approach. He came in and auscultated the heart for any signs of life, up turned the eyelids o confirm any reflexes, and finally shook his head. He covered up his face with the white sheet and said in a low tone, "My friend is gone."

I was literally trembling. I could never believe Rohit was really waiting for my arrival and then leave this world. The lady for whom he had left me, beating me to death, was nowhere near him. The money for which he had planned all the forgery and deceit was nowhere with him.

I felt sorry for him from the core of my heart. I stared with a blank face. Sumit caught hold of my cold clammy, trembling hand and softly whispered, "You have to be strong for mama." He kept a hand on mama's shoulder and said, "We are staying back till all the rituals are performed. Then we are taking you along with us to Mumbai. You will not feel Rohit,s absence. I think you can understand that Amit will not be able to leave his studies and reach for all the rituals and the last prayers."

She just nodded her head in agreement and then added, "I will not be able to go with you. I have a huge family of spiritual followers whom I cannot abandon; they shall be coming here as soon as the news reaches them. I would stay here and continue my pursuit of spiritualism and social services. That is the only way for me to maintain my peace of mind"

Fallowing three days were very hectic and emotionally painful. I can never forget the scene which was described to me . When immediate relative was called to lit the funeral pyre, it was Sumit who came forward and performed all he final rituals. Everyone present there sang laurels of his greatness

. Mama was more than relieved and did not feel the absence of Aman. I wondered who these bonds are created between two unknown persons, who hardly knew each other, who had never met, and who would probably been ardent rivals of one another. I was the only common link between the two of them.

After performing the last prayers in a temple amidst a large gathering of people we planned to return home .Respect for Sumit in every ones mind had risen many fold .I felt very lucky to have him in my life.

Seeing me sad and depressed on our way back home, Sumit held my hand tight and said, " I did not tell you anything about our trip to Lucknow in advance because I did not want you to get into un necessary tension. I was in constant touch with mama, and when she showed her desire of your meeting Rohit once, I took the decision of taking you there. According to her, Rohit was literally waiting for you, which proved to be true. I did everything for her happiness."

I was listening quietly to all that he said and murmured, "Believe me Sumit, I never cursed him for what he did to me, I never wished anything evil for him either. But I had developed a strong hatred for him and for the marriage, but his suffering was far too much and I feel sorry for mama who, despite her goodness had to bear all these sufferings. Had it not been for her spiritual strength, she would have collapsed long ago."

He nodded his head in agreement, and said, " You know Asha, the day I first met that lady, I could judge her clean heartedness, her repentance for being helpless regarding you. There was no reflection of any deceit in her nature. It was probably her maternal instinct and her love for her son which tied her up even to his wrong and deceitful actions. But she wanted to see you happy." Then he gave a soft slanting smile, brought his face near mine and whispered in my ear, " I promise to keep you happy till I am alive" I encircled my arm around him and softly uttered, "thank you for everything." I loosened the mantle of insecurity that had engulfed me. Then I reciprocated in a soft loving whisper, " I am excited, I'm happy, I'm overwhelmed and secure in your hands. " then we moved on and on and on.

