 
THREE LIVES OF HANNAH

A.E.WILMAN

Copyright 2018 by A.E. Wilman

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the earlier written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

The following is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are fictitious. Any resemblance to real events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Prologue

I used to believe in the beginning and the end of the lives I had before I became Hannah thirty \- one year ago. I used to believe I came back to see all those people again just for fun. Like the woman I met the other day at the shop, when she tripped over and grabbed my coat for support. And I remembered she was Alma ages ago. Or like the man who opened the door for me at the restaurant and our fingers touched for a second and I remembered he was Steven two hundred years ago. The beginning and the end of the lives we shared in the past were always determined by a strict line until now. The memories of them all never disturbed my everyday life until Aaron looked at me for the first time. And that was the end of the thirty - one year of fun. And that was the beginning of the journey that had started centuries ago when we were young and fell in love and didn't know when or where our story ends. So I don't believe in the beginning or the end anymore because Aaron and I prove that there is no line in the sand.

The memories of us that are so alive in my mind come from two different lives we had lived before we met a day after Bianca threw me from her back. And I am so grateful to her for that now. I always knew she was a wise horse and that we had met before. So as I think now of the fall that I suffered that day I see her eyes filled with love and I know she was destined to be born just to bring our story back to life again.

So when you think of the beginning and the end, think beyond this life and you will understand the reasons behind your struggles and pain, the ups and downs of every day, the failures and mistakes you thought you would never make again. So when you think of the life, you live now, think beyond it and you will understand we always come back. Like Aaron and I met for the third time to be together the way it finally felt right.

Chapter 1

December, 2015 - England

There are so many people in the waiting room that I start feeling nauseous at the view of broken limbs. Those are newcomers who like me struggle with the cast. I look at my hand in the sling, and I remember that Bianca got scared of something, but I can't remember what it was and at that moment I knew I was going to fall. So I've been sitting here all morning and no one even bothered to ask if I needed a painkiller. Why the hell they booked me at nine since they weren't going to see me at this time anyway?

\- Hannah Adams? – one of the nurses calls out my name.

I get up from the chair - Yes, that's me – I say and follow her.

\- The doctor will see you now – she says and shows me one of the offices.

"It's about the time!" – I think and walk inside.

\- Hello – I say and sit in the chair.

He doesn't say anything only turns toward the computer screen.

\- What happened? – he asks in a deep, indifferent voice, looking at the x-rays.

\- I fell from a horse in the equestrian centre and was taken to the Accidents and Emergency in the other hospital - I explain.

He nodes understandingly, but says nothing.

\- I was told in the other hospital that they managed to set the bones, but I needed a hand specialist to confirm everything was alright – I say.

He takes a deep breath – It's not bad now, but if the bones move in the plaster, you're going to need a surgery. It's a bad break.

\- But I was told yesterday everything was alright – I repeat.

\- Well, things are not always straightforward when it comes to broken limbs – he says.

\- But I'm flying tomorrow – I say.

\- I think you would be too sore to go anywhere and even if you did go you would need someone to look at it anyway.

\- So what do I do? – I ask, shocked by the revelation.

\- Well, you are going to have to come here every week for an x-ray and if we see the bones have moved we'll do the surgery – he says in an informative tone.

\- I have to take three buses to come here, and it takes two hours one way. Do you really want me to go through this with a broken wrist? Can't you do the surgery now?

He comes back to my chart without looking at me – We'll try to do the surgery today. If we won't be able to do it today, we leave you overnight. I'm in tomorrow – he says in a voice that underlies the last sentence like he believed he was the only surgeon who could fix my bones.

I frown - Overnight? But I don't have any clothes or pyjamas. I even don't have a toothbrush.

\- I'm sure they have everything here – he says in a disregarding tone.

\- But I have to go to the airport early tomorrow.

\- I think you'll be too sore to go anywhere – he says.

\- Well, that's because you don't know me – I say annoyed and only then he looks at me.

And the way he looks at me seems so familiar. And I immediately we had met before. And he looks at me like he recognised me too.

\- You should go to the plaster room now. I'll come there in a minute – he says indifferently, but his eyes soften and I know that he wonders where he remembers me from. This feeling will be temporary for him because he will never remember we know each other from the past life. This feeling will stay with me for long because over the next few hours or days I will remember in what life we met for the first time, who we were to each other and why we are meeting now.

Chapter 2

July, 1730 – Spain

I'm busy with the printing machine that gets stuck from time to time when I hear a loud knocking at the front door.

\- Just a minute! – I shout, wondering who on earth would knock so loud.

\- Open up in the name of the King and the Holy Office.

I swallow hard and stop the printing machine – I'm coming! – I say and answer the door.

\- Good morning, Miss. We're here to investigate Sebastian Garcia's involvement in the printing of prohibited books – says a tall, young and handsome man, wearing black clothes.

I stand for a second in disbelief – My father's not here. He left for business yesterday, but I can assure you he doesn't print prohibited books – I say confidently.

\- We have to check that ourselves – he says.

\- By all means, come on in and search the house – I say and open the door widely.

He takes his hat off and combs black hair with a hand – You should wait outside –he says, passing me.

\- Why? – I ask the man who follows him.

\- We need you to wait outside while we search the house – says the second man.

\- This is my house, and I'm not going anywhere. You can search it, but please don't touch the printing machine.

\- Miss, you are not to tell us what to do or what to not do – says the first man.

\- I didn't mean disrespect. I simply don't want you to break the machine – I smile at him.

He looks at me searchingly - We will not break anything – he says and comes closer. – What is your name? – he asks.

\- Maria Isabella Garcia. What is yours?

He smiles at me and comes closer again – Matías Fernandez. I am an inquisitor of the Holy Office. You haven't been taught good manners.

\- I'm not as well educated as you, Sir, so please forgive me if I offended you in any way – I bow to him.

\- Are you here alone? – he asks.

I nod - Yes.

\- Does your father always leave you on your own? – he looks around.

\- Since my mother and brothers were taken by the Lord Jesus Christ last winter.

He sighs - I see. How did they die?

\- Like many others in the town they died of the plague – I explain.

\- You survived – he says, looking back at me.

\- I did.

\- Your father shouldn't leave you on your own. Leave the house now – he says and points at the door.

I walk slowly towards the door. I am about to close it behind me when I hear his voice.

\- Maria Isabella – he says.

I turn around – Yes, Sir?

\- Go to the church and make a prayer for your father – he says.

\- I will pray for his safe return home, Sir. The Lord knows my father is a decent man who follows the law, and you will find nothing here what is prohibited – I say and close the door behind me.

Chapter 3

December, 2015 – England

The nurse ticks some boxes in my chart and then looks at me – We'll fix a metal plate to your bone to prevent it from moving. This way the break will heal properly. I need to put stockings on your legs, is that alright? – she asks.

\- What are they for? – I ask.

\- They are to prevent blood clot. Every patient has to wear them for the surgery – she explains.

\- Alright – I say and let her put the stockings on.

\- They haven't done a pregnancy test in the ward – she says, checking the chart again.

I shrug – I don't think so. No one has taken a urine sample from me.

\- Please tell me you didn't go to the toilet before they brought you here – she looks at me expectantly.

I sigh heavily - I did. I won't do it now, sorry. But the good news is I'm not pregnant.

\- I believe you, but I have to do the test. Could you try, we don't need much. I'll show you the toilet – she asks.

\- We can always try – I say and follow her.

\- There, what do you need? – she asks when I close the door.

\- Can you put the tap running, please? – I ask.

\- Sure, take your time. Did it help?

I sigh - No, I think I'm under too much pressure here – I say.

\- Sorry, take your time – she says.

\- Ok. Can you go to the YouTube channel and put those oceans wave sounds on? That makes me go immediately – I laugh.

\- Sorry, Hannah, we are not allowed to have mobile phones here. I'll make the sound for you – she says and starts making sounds of waves.

I burst into a laugh and go immediately – There, all yours – I say, giving her the sample.

She takes it carefully – Ok, Hannah, now you have to lead the way because I can't trip and spill it. It's too precious. Ready, let's go – she says and leaves the bathroom.

I pretend to guide her to the nurses' station, and we both laugh all the way – I can't believe we made these twenty meters safely – I say through tears.

\- I know, and your hand's in the cast – she laughs and makes the test.

\- Oh, my God! I'm having so much fun here – I say suddenly, surprised I'm not anxious anymore.

\- Oh, yeah? That's what we do here in the theatre. We make people laugh and then operate on them – she says.

I burst into a laugh and my eyes go all wet, so I turn to reach for the tissue and that's when I see him turning around quickly and pretending not to listen to my conversation with the nurse. But he wasn't quick enough. I noticed he was laughing too, and I immediately know he was standing there all the time. What is he doing here? I thought the surgeon who came to me this morning would be doing the surgery.

\- What is the name of the surgeon who is going to operate my hand? – I ask her.

\- Mister Grant – she says. – All good, you're not pregnant.

\- What about the surgeon who came to me this morning? – I ask.

\- He will be assisting Mister Grant.

\- I see. Does Mister Grant have a first name? – I ask.

\- Mister Aaron Grant – she says and wheels me into the theatre.

I see him standing in front of the screen that shows the x-rays of my hand. He discusses them with the surgeon who came to me this morning. The nurse pushes some liquid into my vein, and I remember his hand holding mine in a different life. He's anxious about something and doesn't want to let go of my hand. Something bad happened between us in the different life.

\- Stop! You can't do the surgery! – I say to him.

He turns towards me and looks at me, surprised, but says nothing. The nurse touches my shoulder and says – It's alright, Hannah. We have it under control. I'll give you oxygen and something to relax.

\- No! He cannot do the surgery! I don't want him to! Stop this! – I say, but she puts a mask on me and I fall asleep.

Chapter 4

July, 1730 – Spain

I lie in the bed of high grass and flowers and go through the pages of the index. So many books prohibited from printing. They found nothing the other day, but next time we may not get so lucky. We have to be more careful now. Someone has betrayed us and now we all may end up burnt alive or drowned. I push the anxiety to the corner of my mind and close my eyes for a second. The heat and the exhaustion of the busy day make me fall asleep almost immediately.

\- Good Evening, Miss Garcia.

I open my eyes to see a face over me.

\- I apologise for the intrusion. It wasn't my intention to scare you up, but my horse broke its neck in the woods and I need a new one to get to Seville – he says to me and I get up immediately.

\- Mr Fernandez, I apologise for not recognising you. I must have fallen asleep – I say.

\- That's alright. It's not against the law to sleep in the meadow or to not recognise me – he smiles at me.

\- I'm sorry about your horse. Are you alright? – I ask, seeing he has torn sleeves and dirty trousers.

\- Nothing happened to me, thanks to the Lord.

\- The woods can be a dangerous place to ride if you don't know them well. Many people have lost their horses there. Were you trying to jump through the ditch?

He nods - Indeed, that's what I wanted to do. It seemed to be so narrow with all the ferns covering the bed of it.

I sigh - Everyone gets confused by that. There are some horses you can rent at the inn. I will show you the way – I say, smooth my skirt and start walking towards the town.

\- Are you here on your own? – he asks, barely keeping up with me.

\- Yes. You're not alright – I say and stop.

\- I injured my leg – he says and shows a deep cut in the left shin.

\- It's better if I put something on it – I say and show him the grass.

He sits down, and I take my scarf and tie it on the cut. He hisses and swallows hard.

\- You'll live, but I need to put some ointment on it to heal it – I say, examining the wound.

\- You are a daughter of the printer and herbalist at the same time? – he asks, getting up.

\- We print books for the herbalists. I've learnt a lot from them – I explain.

\- Are these books on the index?

\- No, Sir. All books we print are allowed – I say and give him a smile.

\- Maria Isabella, you told me the other day you're not educated. And now, you're telling me you can read the books you print. Why did you lie to me the other day? – he stops and turns towards me.

I look at him for a second – I didn't lie to you, Mr Fernandez. I can read the books, but I don't have university education like you.

He narrows his eyes and stares at me – You don't need university education – he says and heads on.

\- I will bring you the ointment in the couple of minutes – I say when we approach the town.

\- Is the inn bearable? – he asks, looking at its patched roof.

\- I've never stayed there, Sir, but I am sure they will make it comfortable for you. I will leave the ointment with the inn's owner. Just make sure the wound is clean before you put the ointment on it. Repeat it for the next three nights.

\- Thank you, Maria Isabella. God bless you.

\- Good night, Mr Fernandez – I say and I move towards the house.

Chapter 5

July, 1730 – Spain

I hear the knocking at the door and stop the printing machine.

\- I'll answer that – Father says and rushes to the door.

\- Good morning, Mr Garcia. My name is Matías Fernandez.

\- Good morning, Sir. We had inquisitors last week. We don't print prohibited books.

\- I was one of the inquisitors, Mr Garcia. I come today with the different matter – he says.

\- In that case, what can I help you with? – Father asks, surprised.

\- Last night I lost my best horse while riding through the woods. The horse couldn't be saved – he says with sadness in the voice.

\- I'm sorry to hear that – Father says. – The woods can be dangerous for those who don't know them.

\- I was told the same by your daughter last night. I met her on the way to town. She brought me some ointment later on for my injured leg. I come to thank her for her help.

\- I see. Maria Isabella, come here, my dear.

I leave the printing machine and come to the door.

– Good morning – I say.

\- Good morning, Miss Garcia. I came to thank you for your help last night. It is much appreciated – he says, looking at me searchingly.

I smile at him - You're very welcome, Mr Fernandez. I am glad I could be of any help. Are you going to Seville now?

\- Yes. I'll be back next week. I don't know this area well and for this reason I lost my best horse. I liked that horse, so I don't want this to happen again. I thought I should hire someone local who could help me to get familiar with the woods. Would you know anybody I could turn to with that? – he asks.

\- I would do that for you, Sir, but these days I can barely mount the horse and the woods can be treacherous like you found out last night. There are some men in town who could help you with it – Father says.

\- I've already asked, and they weren't willing to help. They don't want to lose their horses.

\- I can do that – I say suddenly.

\- You? – he frowns, surprised.

\- Maria Isabella is an excellent rider, Mr Fernandez. My sons taught her – Father explains.

\- I wouldn't ask a woman for that – he says.

\- I will do it, Mr Fernandez under one condition – I say confidently.

He raises his eyebrows - What is that?

\- You will make sure people know we don't print prohibited books. Your visit last week scared the clients away – I say.

\- Maria Isabella! – Father raises his voice in anger.

\- That's alright, Mr Garcia – he laughs. – I'm getting used to your daughter's sharp tongue.

\- Do we have a deal? – I ask.

He thinks hard for a minute and then he says – Alright. I agree to your condition. Are you alright with that, Mr Garcia.

\- Let it be Maria Isabella's way, Mr Fernandez – Father says.

\- Good. I'll be back next week. God bless this household – he says and leaves.

\- What has come over you, child? – asks Father, angrily.

\- What do you mean?

\- Maria Isabella! You want to help the inquisitor who came here to bring us to the tribunal! – he explains.

\- That's right, Father. If I help him, he will believe we have nothing to do with the printing of prohibited books. He needs to know we have nothing to hide and are not afraid of him, and if someone accuses us in the future, he will think twice before coming here. If the accusers see us with him, they will get confused too.

He looks at me for a long time before clearing his throat – The Lord has taken so much from me and yet every day I look at you Maria Isabella and I think I'm the luckiest man in the world – he says with tears in his eyes.

Chapter 6

January, 2016 – England

I sit in a chair and look at the white board that says: "Mr Aaron Grant's Fracture Clinic here" in bold. Great, now I will have to stand this man without letting him know he was an inquisitor once who wanted to burn my father and me for printing books. How am I going to survive this appointment? How am I going to look at him without giving him a lecture about what I think of people who used to sentence other people to torture and death in flames? I take a deep breath and give a loud exhale. The nurse calls my name, and I get up from the chair.

\- Hello – I say, walking into his office.

He says nothing.

\- How is the x-ray? – I ask when he looks at the computer screen.

\- It looks alright – he replies in a tone suggesting he got annoyed that my voice has interrupted his task.

I look at him engrossed by the bones of my hand, staring at him from the screen and I realise he hates this jobs. He hates being a surgeon, and he doesn't know why he hates it or why he feels this job is some kind of punishment to him. But I know he has broken many limbs back in the eighteenth century, so he has to fix them all now.

\- Was the wound alright when they were putting a new plaster? – he asks and turns towards me.

\- Don't you think I should be asking you that question, Doctor Grant? – I snap.

He drops his head and stares at the mobile phone – I was called to the patient in the ward when they were changing your plaster so I had no chance to see it. They wouldn't put a new one if there was an infection. I will ask them, Hannah – he says and gets up from the chair.

I don't think I am going to be able to stand this man any longer knowing what I know about him. I take a few deep breaths and start counting. I reach number ten when he comes back.

\- The wound is healing alright, Hannah. Can I see the cast? – he asks, sitting in a chair.

\- I have to take off my coat what can take a while – I say and get up.

He nods and watches me struggle with the coat in silence. Finally, I manage to take it off and show him the cast.

\- That's alright. We will take it off in six weeks.

\- You want me to walk in the cast for six weeks? – I ask.

\- Yes. The bones have to heal and... - he looks at the mobile phone – I'm sorry, Hannah I have to take this. It's a hospital.

\- Of course – I say and start putting the coat on.

He listens to a woman's voice explaining something to him, but watches me struggle with the coat carefully. I sit in a chair and try to tie the scarf around my neck and then I remember his hand holding mine and I see a bit more of it. He is pulling me out of water and calling my name repeatedly! He is not killing me! He is saving me!

\- Hannah? - I hear his voice in a distance. – Hannah, are you alright?

I turn towards him – You were saving me – I say to him, forgetting he is not aware of our previous history.

\- Saving you? – he asks and looks at me surprised.

\- I'm sorry. Please don't mind what I've just said – I ask.

He frowns - Alright. Do you still feel that tingling in the fingers? – he asks.

\- Sometimes. What that means?

\- Hopefully, it will resolve. The surgery went well. The wound and the bones are healing so we will see you in six weeks, Hannah.

\- What do I do if there are problems with the hand? – I ask.

\- There shouldn't be any problems, but if you notice anything unusual like numbness, call in immediately.

\- What about the metal plate you fixed to the bone? – I ask.

\- It can stay there. Some people decide to remove the plate after six months. Some prefer not to – he explains.

\- I see – I say and get up.

\- You're going back home now? – he asks.

\- If I make it to the bus – I say and head towards the door that opens from the outside the same time I want to open it. I take a step back, but I lose my balance in the cast and I knock out some equipment standing behind me. The young doctor who was entering the office catches me.

\- You ok? – he asks.

\- I'm fine – I say a bit confused. – I thought you were fixing fractures not causing them – I laugh.

\- Sorry for that – he says.

I look at Grant, who sits in the chair and watches us carefully without a word.

– I will pick that stuff up – I say, looking at the mess on the floor.

\- That's alright – he says, looking angrily at the young doctor. – Someone will clean this up.

\- Thank you – I say and leave his office.

Chapter 7

August, 1730 – Spain

I take a deep breath and patiently wait for him to catch up with me. I am not going to tell him that the horse he has chosen for today's lesson couldn't be any worse.

\- I will show you the most dangerous parts of the woods, Mr Fernandez. I need you to follow me slowly. I will teach you how to estimate the depth of the ditches so when you ride fast you can make quick and accurate judgment. That should save life of your horses in the future – I say and pat my horse on the neck.

\- Alright, Maria Isabella. I trust you with this one – he smiles to me.

\- Bianca, let's go – I say to my horse and she moves slowly.

\- Why did you call your horse Bianca since she's all black? – he asks, following me.

\- One of my brothers called her like that when she was born. I really never asked him why – I explain.

\- I see – he smiles.

– Can you see the ferns in front of us, where the trees seem to grow normally? – I ask.

\- I can see it – he nods.

\- The trees put deep roots in the ditch. The ground seems to be even because of the ferns that cover the roots. The only way to continue on this path is to ride through the thickest roots. I will show you how – I say and lead Bianca to the safest spot. She cautiously crosses the ditch. – Did you see that, Mr Fernandez? – I turn towards him.

\- I saw it, Maria Isabella. I will try it – he says and gently guides his horse towards the thickest roots. His horse almost loses balance twice, and I can see his struggle to guide it, but he finally makes it to the other side of the ditch.

\- You shouldn't have taken a carriage horse, Mr Fernandez – I say, disapprovingly.

\- I know, but I've lost my best horse already. I didn't want to lose another one – he says and make a sigh of relief. – Are all the ditches so tricky?

I give him a wide smile – That was the easiest one – I say and move ahead.

I look back at him, and he struggles to keep up in the labyrinth of trees.

\- Why did nobody make a proper road here? – he asks when he finally reaches me.

I slow down my horse – The woods are not good for a carriage so my guess is there was no point in building a proper road for a few horsemen who use the woods as a shortcut.

\- I see – he nods. – Your father was right. You are an excellent rider, Maria Isabella.

\- Thank you, Mr Fernandez. I'm sure you're not worse than me when you ride a better horse – I say and speed up.

\- This one is treacherous – I say, stopping at the next ditch. – You can't see it at all. It's too deep to cross it the way I showed you before. For this reason we are going to do something else.

\- Which is? – he asks, curious.

\- Jumping over it – I explain.

\- But you said it was a deep ditch – he looks at me, surprised.

\- It's also very narrow, so the best thing to do is to jump over it – I say and take a leap. Bianca lands smoothly on the other side and his horse follows her like an obedient student.

\- How many ways of crossing the ditches you know, Maria Isabella? – he asks.

\- Some ditches can't be crossed, Mr Fernandez. There are many ditches like that here. I will teach you how to avoid them – I say and I lead the way to the next one.

We ride all day through the woods, crossing the ditches or avoiding them. He patiently follows my steps, and I can see he is getting used to being instructed by a woman. His horse is getting better with every ditch thanks to Bianca's excellent tutor's skills.

\- I want to buy your horse – he says suddenly.

I look at him, surprised - Bianca is not for sale, Mr Fernandez.

\- Why not?

\- Bianca belongs to the family. She was my brother's horse. They were inseparable. To lose her would be like losing him again. Can you understand?

\- I understand, Maria Isabella. I won't mention that again – he says softer.

We leave the woods when he stops his horse and says – I like talking to you. You are good companion, Maria Isabella. Your husband will be blessed to have you for a wife.

I say nothing to him, and he sees my embarrassment – There are suitors for your hand, right? – he asks.

\- I don't think I should be discussing it with you, Mr Fernandez – I say finally.

\- Very well. I asked because I would like to make an offer to you and I couldn't be making the offer to a married or engaged woman – he says.

I pat Bianca on the neck – What kind of offer, Mr Fernandez?

\- I have to go for three weeks to Seville, and I wanted to take one of my housekeepers with me, but all of them have families and I don't want to separate them from their children. I thought you could do that for me. I will pay well. I need my clothes to be fresh each morning, and meals prepared the time I come back home.

I swallow hard – I appreciate your offer, Mr Fernandez, but I am sure there are housekeepers in Seville that will be happy to work for you.

\- That's true, but none of them would make a good companion. Like I said I like talking to you. It's nice to have somebody to talk to when you're having your dinner instead of somebody who stands in the corner and looks at the floor all the time.

\- I think you mistake a housekeeper with a companion, Mr Fernandez – I say and look at him, angrily.

\- I didn't mean anything immoral, Maria Isabella. Will you think about it? Could I call in tomorrow and ask permission of your father?

I look at him intently for a minute – My father wouldn't agree to this, Mr Fernandez. Besides, he needs my help with the printing house.

\- I made you this offer because you said you lost some clients. I can't go around and tell people they should print in your house. I am an inquisitor, remember? I understand you are struggling right now, and that's why I wanted you to earn some money – he says and I can see he means that.

\- Alright, I will work for you – I say and jump off the horse.

\- Do you want me to talk to your father? – he asks, getting off his horse.

\- No, Mr Fernandez. I will explain this to him – I say and sigh.

\- Good. We have a deal – he says.
Chapter 8

January, 2016 - England

I sit in the Fracture Clinic, and I'm waiting to be seen. The nurses circulate among the patients and the doctors like some bees. What a chaos! He leaves his office with some child and the mother and takes them to the plaster room. He passes me closely, and I can smell his cologne. That distracts me from watching the people come and go to the waiting room. The smell reminded me of him asking me in our previous life, how I wash his clothes that they smell so nice. I wish he could remember me too. For a moment I imagine how it would be if he remembered, but I come back to the reality when I hear my name being called.

I enter bright office and sit opposite the young doctor - Where is Doctor Grant? - I ask.

\- He is in a meeting - he explains. - I'm here for you.

\- That's great, but I need to talk to Doctor Grant. He's not in a meeting because he's just passed me in the waiting room.

\- Ok. I will talk to him, but first let's have a look at your x-ray. You had a surgery three weeks ago. The plaster is off now. Let me see your hand - he looks at my scar.

\- I'm sorry, but there's been a mistake. I didn't come today to remove the plaster. I came because there is a problem with my hand.

He looks at the x-ray and then at my hand - What the problem is that?

\- It's the burning sensation along my thumb that goes to my elbow - I explain.

\- Is it there all the time?

\- Only when I put the hand in the resting position.

\- That's the cast pressing on the nerve and for this reason we should change it into the temporary splint.

\- Can you ask Doctor Grant?

\- Of course. I'll be back shortly - he says and leaves the room.

He comes back in a few minutes.

\- What did he say? - I ask.

\- He said it was the plaster pressing on the nerve, but if you want we can put plaster back and leave it for another three weeks. I believe the splint would be better. The plaster doesn't hold your bones, Hannah. The plate holds your bones.

\- I see. Ok, I will try the splint - I say and get up.

\- Do you know how to put it on? \- he asks, seeing me struggling with it.

\- Not really - I admit.

He gets up, takes the splint and puts on my wrist. He touches my thumb with his finger, and I recognize his touch immediately. The memory of us as young children surfaces into my mind and I can see us playing hide and seek in the tall grass. He was my older brother once.

\- There, all done - he smiles at me.

\- Thank you doctor...

\- Adam Byrne

\- It was nice meeting you again Doctor Byrne.

\- It was nice meeting you, Hannah but I don't think we've met before - he says and shakes my good hand.

The memory of him feeding me at the table comes to my mind. He was much older than me. I can feel his love and protectiveness towards me. Suggesting from the clothes we were wearing it could be the end of the eighteenth century.

\- You're right. We haven't met before. I mistook you with someone else - I say and leave.

I pass people in the waiting room and enter the glass tunnel leading to the exit. I turn my head towards the sunlight coming at me from the left, and I meet his eyes turning away fast. He puts his head down and swipes the phone. I pass him slowly and then I realise that he remembers me, but he wants me to think he doesn't. How I wish he remembered me not as a patient, but as Maria Isabella. I ignore him and head towards the exit. The memory of him holding my hand comes to my mind. He holds it and goes through every line of my palm with his index finger. And then I hear him saying: "You have beautiful hands." And then I see him kissing my hand and I feel his love and desire for me. And then I see myself releasing my hand from his grip, but I know I fell for this man in the previous life.

The events of the day and my sore hand make me feel sick, so I turn towards the bathroom, lock the door and throw up. And I sit there for a long time trying to pull myself back together, but I can't so I leave the hospital crying like a child.

Chapter 9

August, 1730 - Spain

I walk in circles while Father sits by the table. He hasn't eaten since this morning and I don't know whether it's because he is angry with me or whether he has an upset stomach.

\- Stop circling - he finally says and reaches for the bread I left on the table.

\- I'm circling because you don't understand that if I don't go with him, we'll be bankrupts - I say, stopping for a moment.

He gives a loud sigh - You are unmarried, Maria Isabella. Going with him will make things worse.

\- Nobody will know. He won't tell them. I won't tell anybody either. I will be doing housekeeping, not sightseeing.

\- Seville isn't so far away. Gossips are faster than messengers. I'm worried about your future. There will be no suitor, asking for your hand if he touches you.

\- He's a priest, Father.

\- He's a man first, Maria Isabella.

I give a loud sigh - Father, I know how to defend myself from harm.

\- I know that, but it doesn't change the fact you'll be away and I won't be able to help you if you need me.

\- What do you suggest I tell him when he comes here? - I ask angrily.

\- Tell him you've changed your mind or that I disapproved – he says, slicing bread.

\- I can't do that. I've told him I would get your approval.

He sighs - I have bad feelings about this, Maria Isabella.

We hear knocking at the door, and he goes to answer it.

\- Good afternoon, Mr Garcia. Your daughter agreed to work for me in Seville for the next three weeks. I hope that it is alright with you. She will have her own bedroom, next to the kitchen, and I promise to respect her privacy. I serve only God, not my body.

\- I'm glad to hear that, Mr Fernandez. I hope you are a man of your word. It would be disastrous to my daughter's future if you weren't.

\- I am aware of that. My intentions are pure. I'll be very busy in Seville so I won't be home much. The household will be Maria Isabella's responsibility.

\- We should go now. It's a long journey - I cut in.

Father brings my sack and takes my hands into his – May the Lord Jesus Christ protects you, my child - he says and kisses me on the cheek.

\- Mr Fernandez, I trust you'll bring her back home sound and healthy – he says to Fernandez.

\- God is my witness, Mr Garcia - says Fernandez and takes a step back.

I leave the house and watch him preparing Bianca for me. I turn around and look at Father who stands at the threshold - We'll see each other soon - I say and smile at him.

Chapter 10

August, 1730 - Spain

I walk around the bright and spacious kitchen while he watches me from the door.

\- I wish you sat down and had dinner with me at least once – he says.

I stop the housework – Mr Fernandez, I am your housekeeper, not a companion.

He sighs heavily - Maria Isabella, don't you think we could have this conversation while having a meal? It's ridiculous. You serve me dinner and retreat to your bedroom only to come back and eat after I finish.

I put cutting board on the table and start slicing bread – I... - I break off, seeing blood coming from my hand.

\- Dear God! – he says and grabs kitchen cloth from the chair. He comes to me and ties it around my palm. He holds my hand in his and presses the wound.

I stand shocked that I cut myself and that he knows what to do – I should be alright now – I say and try to release my hand but he doesn't allow me.

He stares at it and then removes the cloth. The bleeding almost stopped, but he seems to not to look at it. – You have beautiful hands, Maria Isabella – he says and moves his index finger along all lines of my palm.

\- It's alright, Mr Fernandez. I will put some ointment on it – I say, embarrassed.

He moves the chair and seats me in it – I will do it – he says in a tone demanding obedience. He goes to the medicine commode and brings one of my ointments. He opens the jar, takes a bit of the ointment on his index finger and applies it on the wound. Then he turns my hand around and kisses it – I wish you could see who I am in the heart – he says.

\- Mr Fernandez...

\- You should call me Matías at home, Maria Isabella – he says and looks at me.

\- I should go – I say and get up, but he holds my hand firmly. He pulls me towards him and kisses suddenly.

I know I should push him away, but I can't. My body refuses to move because I feel the same desire for him. So we stand at the table, kissing and it's like we've been stripped of all those layers of rules and laws we were taught to abide.

He finally pulls away and looks at me seriously – I don't know what came over me. I promised your father you would be safe with me. Please, forgive me the moment of weakness – he says.

\- So you feel bad about my father, but you don't feel bad about me, Mr Fernandez? – I ask, humiliated by his sudden flash of morality.

He stands for a moment silent and then he looks at me with such hurt like what I've just said broke his heart. Finally, he comes closer to me and says – I want a good life for you. I will not make you my mistress and that should tell you who I am and what I feel for you, Maria Isabella– he says and leaves the kitchen.

I stand there for a minute taking in his words, and I know I can't stay in his house a minute longer. I think about packing and escaping, but that wouldn't be wise. I have to tell him I decided to leave. I cannot make this man my enemy.

I go to his study and knock at the door – Mr Fernandez, may I talk to you?

\- Come on in – he says in a tired tone.

I enter the study. He sits at the desk, with the feather in his hand.

\- I came to tell you I will be leaving your house. I know you are busy and for this reason I would like to help you with finding a new housekeeper for the remaining week. I'll go to the market tomorrow and find somebody suitable for you – I say.

He swallows hard and puts feather away – What about the dinner you were to prepare for Bishop Rodriguez? – he asks, indifferently.

\- I will give the recipes with instructions to the new housekeeper.

He looks at me disappointed and says – I don't want a new housekeeper. I want you to prepare the dinner. I want you to stay until the end of the next week.

\- I can't be staying after what happened between us – I say and come closer. – Mr Fernandez, we shouldn't be near each other.

He gets up and comes closer to me – I'm asking for your forgiveness, Maria Isabella and I'm asking you to stay – he says and looks at me with hope in his eyes.

I sigh heavily – Why do you want me to stay? – I ask.

\- I don't want you to remember me as a man who has wronged you. I wouldn't stand that.

\- You haven't wronged me, Mr Fernandez. I will stay, but we shouldn't see each other after that – I say and leave the study.

Chapter 11

August, 1730 - Spain

The guests are all gathered around the small study what makes circulating with the tray difficult. I wish he hired someone to help me, but he hasn't and now I'm running from one person to another and I find this tiring as I never worked as a servant before.

\- What is your name, my child? – asks Bishop Rodriguez, taking another glass from the tray.

\- Maria Isabella Garcia – I say and smile at him.

\- I want you to work for me – he says and narrows his eyes.

I swallow hard – Thank you for the kind offer, but I'm already working for Mr Fernandez and for this reason I have to decline – I say confidently.

He laughs – Oh, I am sure he won't mind finding a new girl.

I look at Fernandez, talking to the one of the guest. He notices my look, but ignores it. I give a sigh and say – Your Excellency. I am not his housekeeper. I agreed to work for him in Seville because his housekeepers couldn't come with him. I run printing house with my father back home. I am needed there.

He seizes me with his eyes for a minute – Very well, you may go now – he waves me away.

I go to the kitchen to prepare a fresh tray of glasses. I walk around the table to get another carafe when he appears at the door – Your Excellency, what may I help you with? – I ask, surprised.

He closes the door, walks into the kitchen and looks around – I'm astonished you prepared such simple and so delicious dinner on your own. You know what a man needs – he says and comes closer.

\- My mother taught me how to cook, your Excellency – I say and put the carafe on the table.

He comes closer again – Fernandez has a good eye – he says and puts his hands on the table around me.

\- Your Excellency, the guests are waiting – I say, but he doesn't move.

\- They can wait a bit longer – he smiles to me and gropes my breast.

I stop breathing for a minute in shock and disbelief – Your Excellency, please stop this – I say and try to remove his hands.

He gives me a vicious smile \- What's the matter girl, you're refusing to serve the Lord's vicar? – he asks and moves his hand to my crotch.

I grasp his hand, and we fight for a moment, but he pins me down on the table with the weight of his body and I can't move. I try to kick him, but he has already figured it out and spreads my legs with his right hand.

\- You smell like a dessert – he says quietly and I feel him inside me.

I want to scream, but he has already figured it out and puts his hand on my mouth. I hit his back with just released hands, but it's worthless. He's too strong for me, and I lose my strength with every minute so I finally stop fighting and I lay waiting for him to stop. And I pray for death because I will not face another day with the memory of this man raping me in the name of God.

\- There, all done – he finally says and lets me go.

I slide down to the floor, and he lifts me by my arm – I could feel Matías hasn't been lucky with you. I'm honoured, but this will stay between you and me and the Lord. Now, go and clean yourself up – he says and pushes me towards the exit door.

I leave the house on wobbly legs and reach the stable. Bianca looks at me like she immediately knew so I lay down on the hay next to her and I grab her leg and cuddle up to her. I try to breathe through the pain, but I can't calm down. I feel tears coming to my eyes, and I fight them for a moment, but I let it go and I start weeping. Bianca moves slightly and then starts licking the tears away. I close my eyes and try to breathe slowly. I know I have to go back there and serve these people, but I can't make this body move. I start to shiver despite the hot weather and I feel sick. Bianca must have noticed I'm cold because she breaths onto my body and I am grateful to her for this. I try to get up, but my legs fail me and after a while I get tired of trying so I close my eyes and don't realise when I fall asleep.

I wake up to somebody's touch, and that alerts me so I swat his hand without thinking.

\- Maria Isabella, what's wrong with you? - he asks.

I try to get up, but I can't. I feel like all the energy left my body.

\- Maria Isabella, please let me help you - he kneels next to me.

\- Leave me, Mr Fernandez, go back to your guests - I say.

\- It's dawn. I was looking for you last night. You left me with the guest without any notice. I wouldn't think something could happen to you.

\- I'll be alright. I got sick last night suddenly, so I couldn't tell you.

He looks at me with suspicion - Why are sleeping in the stable?

\- I don't know. I got sick so I came here and I must have fallen asleep - I say and try to get up again. I manage this time, but after two steps I get dizzy and I have to hold to Bianca's back.

\- Let me help you - he says and extends his hand.

I look at it, and the memory of Rodriguez comes back - I will be alright. Just go \- I say and try to take a step using Bianca's body as a support.

He stands there and watches me in silence. Finally, he holds his breath like he got scared of something. He comes closer and looks me in the eye - Tell me what happened to you. You're not yourself.

\- I'll be alright, Mr Fernandez. All I need to do is clean myself up and eat something - I say and take his hand.

He supports me while I walk slowly back home. I can feel his anxiety over my balance, but I manage to get to my bedroom. He helps me to lie down and covers me with the blanket - I will find a girl who can help you with bath - he says and leaves.

Chapter 12

February, 2016 - England

I give the receptionist an appointment card, and she pulls out my chart and gives me a number. She touches my hand briefly - You need to go to the x-ray - she says and smiles at me.

I remember her touch. I can feel her warmth when she holds me in her arms. I was her baby in the previous life.

\- I have to go through the tunnel. Do I remember correctly? - I ask her.

She nods - That's right. Turn left when you exit the tunnel. Pass the chapel and turn right to the x-ray area - she gives me the instructions.

\- Thanks - I say and give her a wide smile.

I walk into the tunnel. People going the opposite direction behave really loud so I look at them and I can see a family of three with a new addition. I look away from the newborn, and that's when I meet his eyes. He walks just behind them. I give him an indifferent look, and he puts his head down.

"That's right, Grant! You should keep your head down! You should never talk to me again! I hate you for what I endured under your roof a few centuries ago. "

It's so confusing to remember events from the past life as they feel as real as they happened just yesterday.

I come back from the x-ray and sit down in the waiting room. I open a book when he leaves his office and passes me. I ignore him and look down at the book, but he comes back quickly and the brim of his suit jacket touches my arm. I lift my head up, and he turns toward the nurse and barks something to her about the charts on the trolley. I narrow my eyes and look at him, and I know he gets irritated by that so he enters his office and shuts the door loud.

I spend the next two hours reading what makes me forget where I am but I am aware of him passing me a few more times and I know he watches me. My name is called, and I get up from my seat.

\- Hello Hannah, I'm Doctor Hicks. How is your hand? – he asks, sitting at the desk.

\- I have a problem with it – I say.

\- What kind of the problem? – he asks and comes over to me – Can I see it?

I show him my hand, and he touches it – Can you spread your fingers?

\- I can't. I can't also move my thumb. Every time I try to move it, I get electric shock – I explain.

He looks at it and says – The fracture is healed, but I will ask the consultant. I'll be right back – he says and leaves the office.

I look around. I am sitting in the office where one of the nurses let me lay down when I was waiting for the bed in the ward just before the surgery. She was such a lovely lady. I haven't seen her since. I reach for my book when the door opens.

He walks in first and says uncertainly – Hi Hannah, how are you doing? Can we have a look at your hand again?

\- Hello – I say confidently, staring at him.

His eyes wander around the room. He can look everywhere, but at me. I hold my hand up, and he comes closer. I can see how uncomfortable he feels that he has to be so close to me, so I take a loud sigh, but say nothing.

"Get a grip, Grant or Hicks will think there was something between us!"

He looks at my hand and says to Hicks – It's very stiff looking.

I get annoyed by the tone of his voice which is soft now. I've seen him twice before on my own and his voice was deep and unpleasant and now he's changed it completely. That bastard uses his voice to control women. I just remembered he talked to the nurse a few minutes ago the same way he talked to me.

\- How long has it been since the surgery now? – he asks Hicks and touches my wrist.

\- Six weeks – says Hicks.

He touches the skin around my scar, and I jump in the chair from pain – That's sore, isn't it? – he says to Hicks like I wasn't present in the room.

I hiss again when he touches my thumb – How about the fingers? Can you spread the fingers? – he asks.

I can barely straighten my fingers, so he says – This is awkward. It looks alright in the x-ray, Hannah. The fracture is healed and everything.

\- What about the nerve pain I am experiencing? – I ask and look him in the eye.

He takes a step back from me and then again comes closer – Where are you feeling that? – he asks and he sounds even more uncomfortable.

I touch my skin around the thumb.

He comes close and touches a line around my wrist – Can you feel that? – he asks and I remember him holding my hand in the past.

\- Yes – I say.

\- There? – he asks, touching the tips of my fingers.

\- Yes. I can feel that.

\- There? – he asks and moves his index finger across my palm.

I remember him touching me like that three hundred years ago and it's a painful memory because I know nothing good came out of it. – That's enough – I say and stop his hand with my good one.

He doesn't move his hand immediately, and I feel his anxiety over me touching him. And I know why he is so uncomfortable with me. He's attracted to me the same way I'm attracted to him and he's afraid of it. He has never had it before with a patient and he has no explanation for that. And it bothers him every time he sees me.

\- What now? – Hicks breaks the silence.

Grant takes a step back – The main nerve is alright. It might be the combination of the break and the incision causes one of the small nerves to misfire. The answer to that is plenty of physiotherapy. Have you been to the physiotherapy yet, Hannah?

I shake my head - No, I haven't.

\- We should have start it today. You will need a lot of physiotherapy. Some people tend to develop more stiffness after the break. It's just the immobilization causing it, but once you start the therapy it all should resolve quickly – he says.

\- Will I have to come back here? – I ask.

\- We will review you after a few weeks. Alright Hannah, we will let the physiotherapist take over now. I will make sure you are seen by them today – he says with relief and heads towards the door.

\- Thank you, Doctor Grant – I say and turn away from him.

I hear him closing the door heavily, and I know he thinks he has me sorted out for good.

Chapter 13

July, 1731 - Spain

I walk with the basket and pick up berried while Bianca keeps close to me. We often come here just to ride through the woods or to walk in the silence. I like her quiet presence that allows me to do my thinking without feeling alone. Father doesn't mind our trips in the morning since we always come back before breakfast. I spot another bunch of berries covered with the morning dew when I hear a strange crack. I turn around and see Bianca falling to her side. She makes a loud snort, and I know something horrible has just happened. I drop my basket and kneel at her. One of her legs got caught in the hare snare trap. I try to open it, but I'm not strong enough. I look for a stick or a fallen tree branch to lever the snare teeth, but I don't find anything. Bianca looks at me and I pat her - I need help with this what means you have to stay here and you cannot move, Bianca. It may take some time. I know it hurts a lot, but you can't move the leg - I say and she obediently lays her head down.

\- I promise I'll be back - I say to her and start running through the woods. I reach the exit when I hear the sound of hooves.

I look behind the rider and start screaming - Stop! Stop! Help!

I see him turning around, but I can't make up the shape of his face. I wave until he comes back. When he comes closer, I recognise him with the mix of the shock and relief.

\- Maria Isabella, what are you doing here? - he says, surprised.

\- I'm sorry; Mr Fernandez for stopping you, but my horse's leg has gotten caught in the snare trap. I can't remove it on my own. The metal is so heavy - I say and look at him. I haven't seen him for a long time. He's grown beard and hair. He looks sad.

\- Is this Bianca? - he asks.

\- Yes - I nod.

\- How bad is it? - he asks.

\- The leg's not broken but she is bleeding and if I don't get help for her fast she may get worse.

He looks at me intently for a minute and I can feel he is assessing the situation.

\- I don't have much time, so we better hurry up - he says and extends his hand.

I take it, and he helps me to mount his horse.

\- Take the reins, you know where she is - he says to me and I lead the horse to Bianca's spot.

We ride in silence for a while, but he breaks it when I give a loud sigh.

\- I didn't know there were traps in the woods - he says.

\- The traps are for hares in places where you wouldn't ride, but she was following me while I was picking up berries. That's why she got caught in it. She shouldn't have been so close to me.

\- I'm glad she's been so close. It could be your leg - he says.

I say nothing to him, and he figures out I feel uncomfortable with what he said.

\- I didn't mean anything wrong, Maria Isabella. I've seen people getting caught in the traps like that and losing their legs - he explains.

\- I know - I nod and guide the horse with the reins.

\- How is your father? - he changes the subject.

\- He is alright. He is busy with the printing house. We're both are, actually.

\- I'm glad - he says.

\- There - I point my finger at Bianca lying on the ground.

He jumps off the horse and goes to her. He looks at her leg and the snare and then gives a nod. He comes back to his horse and pulls out a knife from a saddle bag - I need you to hold her leg really still when I lever the teeth. If she moves we both can get hurt - he says and pats Bianca on her neck.

She recognises him and gives him permissive snort. He puts the knife between the teeth and levers them while I hold Bianca's leg. He repeats it two more times and then manages to release her leg from the trap. I tear a piece of fabric from my skirt and tie around it. Bianca gets up slowly with Fernandez's help and tries to stand on the bad leg. She stumbles, but she can walk slowly.

\- Thank you for your help, Mr Fernandez. I'm in your debt - I say to him when he gives me the reins.

\- No, you're not in my debt - he says. - Bianca is.

\- I'm sorry?

\- I've done this for her, not for you. She's a good horse, and I like her.

\- Fair enough - I say and pat Bianca.

\- How are you going to come back home? - he asks.

\- I'm going to walk – I say.

\- That's going to take a half of the day, and you want to put one of your ointments on Bianca's leg, am I right?

I frown - Yes.

\- It will be faster if I gave you a ride - he says.

I raise my eyebrows in surprise \- I thought you said you were in a hurry.

He looks down at me - It won't take that long since we managed to release her so fast. Like I said before, I like Bianca.

I hesitate for a moment, but decide to put Bianca first - Alright - I say and he extends his hand to me.

We ride in silence again, and I can feel he is enjoying this moment like he was waiting for it for a long time.

\- You've changed - I say suddenly and I regret the statement immediately.

He stops the horse and turns my head towards him. He holds my chin and looks at me searchingly - You told me not to talk to you ever again. I respected your wish. I thought I would be able to forget we have ever met, but that's impossible. I think of you every day, and I can't stop wondering what happened to you in my house. I know you got sick for a reason, but I can't read your mind, Maria Isabella. I've changed because of you - he says very seriously.

I look at him, and I feel tears coming to my eyes - Mr Fernandez, I can't... \- I break off because the tears don't let me speak.

He wipes them away with his hand and says - I wish you could see who I am in the heart.

\- I know who you are in the heart, Matías - I say.

He takes my hand and kisses it softly – I will find comfort in your words when I move to Seville - he says and moves ahead.

\- You're moving there? – I ask.

He nods - I've been here too long already – he says.

Chapter 14

July, 1731 - Spain

There were many books on the carriage when they searched it after the denunciation and among them many from the index. Father had a bad feeling about hiding them in the main transport, but I convinced him it was a good idea. After all, who would put prohibited books in the main transport.

I was coming back from the morning walk when they arrived. There was a few of them, all young and eager to make an arrest.

\- I shall take you to the custody for your offences against the Holly Office and His Majesty the King of Spain. Your property will be confiscated, and you will be awaiting a trail in a detention. May the Lord Jesus Christ have mercy upon you – says a young man who puts chains on me.

\- Where is Mr Fernandez? He was here a year ago and found nothing against us. Ask him – I say.

He smirks - Miss Garcia, last night we found a lot of prohibited books that were printed here. You will be transported to Seville where your trial will take place – he explains.

\- Leave her alone. She had nothing to do with it. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Father, I'm begging you don't take her – Father says.

\- Stop this – I ask. – Please stop this. Say nothing to them. These people are devil's servants.

\- Maria Isabella! Take this back right now! Do you hear me?! Take your words back! – he shouts at me.

\- I will not take my words back. I will not do that even for you – I say.

One of the men looks at me with a smile – Blasphemy will be added to the list of trespasses against God's laws – he says.

\- Good. I look forward to the trail – I smile back at him.

He comes closer to me and almost whispers – Have you ever been in a custody? Have you seen the cells in the prison? They are cold in winter and hot in summer with rotten air coming from the latrines. If you get lucky enough to be allowed to stand up in the chains, you will have to stamp your feet really hard to scare the rats away. It can take a long time before your hearings start. Do you still look forward to the trial, Miss Garcia?

I look at him for a moment in silence and then take a deep breath – I look forward to be judged by God, not by men who think they have right to judge me in His name.

\- I shall put down your words and add them to the list of your offences, Miss Garcia – he says and puts me on the carriage next to father and a few other people who used to help us with the distribution of the books.

I put my head down and pretend I am praying just to not look at my inmates as I am not sure if all of them are just victims of the denunciation. It could be the betrayal had come from one of them and unnecessary conversation could be just a way to make me to confess to printing the books. Father sits next to me in a complete silence and although I cannot see his face I can feel how anxious he is about my safety. I lift up my head and turn to him.

\- Don't talk to them, Father. When we arrive in Seville don't even try to take the blame on you for something you haven't done – I say loud just to make sure everybody hears me.

He looks at me for a moment and then he says – You are my child and I will do anything to protect you, Maria Isabella.

\- And that is why I'm asking for your silence – I say and turn away from him.

Chapter 15

March, 2016 – England

I sit in the Fracture Clinic and wait to be seen by any of the circulating doctors. He leaves his office and heads toward the exit. I'm so glad because that means I won't have to see him again. Some couple laughs at the cartoon on the TV and I look at it too, but I can't concentrate on it so I look back at the corridor and notice he comes back with one of the doctors. They stand for a while and discuss something and then the young doctor calls my name. I get up and follow him to his office.

\- Hi Hannah, how are you? - he says when I sit in the chair.

\- I'm alright, but my hand is bad – I say and sigh.

He smiles – We've received the letter from your physiotherapist and we understand the plate is irritating your soft tissues. Unfortunately, it is too early to remove it, so you will have to stand it for a bit more.

\- Can you be more detailed? – I ask.

\- Mr Grant will come here in a minute and will explain everything in a detail.

\- Great. Do you think? ... - I break off at the sound of the door.

Grant enters the office confidently and looks at the Doctor, but not at me.

\- Hello, Doctor Grant – I say to announce my presence.

\- Hi, Hannah. I would like to check your wrist, if you don't mind – he says and stands opposite me.

I look at him, and his eyes wander above my head – Of course – I say and try not to laugh.

He bends a bit to reach my hand, which I keep at my side and wait for me to extend it to him, but I don't move. I can see he gets really annoyed by my behaviour.

"Doctor Grant, I will not make it easier for you until you look at me!"

He sighs and looks at me – May I? – he asks like he's just read my mind.

I extend my hand, and he holds my wrist and presses the scar. He moves to the area where the edge of the fixed plate is, and I hiss with pain when he presses it.

\- What's the level of pain from one to ten? – he asks.

\- The scale should be from zero to ten – I say.

For the first time he looks straight into my eyes and I can see how annoyed he is with me now – What's the level of pain from zero to ten? – he says and uses deep tone like he thought that I would get scared.

\- It's eight – I say and I move his finger away with the other hand.

\- Sorry Hannah – he lets go of my wrist. – Can you make a fist? – he asks.

\- I can – I say and make a fist.

\- Can you spread your fingers and flex your thumb? – he asks.

I do what he says and hiss with pain while flexing the thumb.

\- Where is the pain? Is it in your thumb or the area around the plate?

\- I get an electric shock when I flex my thumb around the plate – I explain.

\- I see. Can I touch your wrist while you're flexing the thumb? – he asks.

\- You can – I say and he touches my wrist. I flex the thumb, hiss and he says nothing. He moves his fingers along the wrist and back. He comes back to the plate area and I hiss again.

\- Sorry for that Hannah. When you have to hold small items, do you get an electric shock too?

The image of his face from under the water comes to my mind and I can feel his hand holding my wrist firmly. I can feel the water filling my lungs, and I desperately try to swim to the surface, but something holds my legs down and I can't move. He's trying to pull me out, but I'm weighted down with something and I can't see what it is.

\- Hannah? - his voice brings me back to the present time.

I look up and he stares at me like he tried to read my mind.

– I can't stand this. It's exhausting - I say meaning the memories from the past.

He gives a sigh – Are you taking anything for pain?

I look at him confused and he notices it so he rephrases – What kind of painkillers are you taking, Hannah?

\- I'm not taking painkillers for life only because I have some plate fixed to the bone, Doctor Grant – I answer angrily realising he was asking about my hand.

\- Hannah, It's too early to remove the plate. Usually, we wait four or six months before we remove it. We cannot risk re- breaking the bone what would put you back to the square. That's the worst - case scenario, but the time is an important factor in your case. We need to make sure the bone is fully healed. I can also see you haven't gained your mobility back fully and that you have some scar tissue there.

I frown - So what are you saying?

\- My recommendation, for you, is to continue physiotherapy and taking painkillers to enable the physiotherapist to work with you to resolve the issues you have. If that doesn't help, we'll remove the plate. Doctor McGrath will give you a prescription for the painkillers – he says and leaves.

I take the prescription from the young doctor and leave his office. I pass crowded waiting room and head towards the exit. A young woman holds in her arms a crying baby, and I see myself being hold like that by her in a different life. I try to swipe away the image that came to my mind, but it doesn't work so I turn back and enter the glass tunnel that leads to the back exit. Sometimes I wish I couldn't recognise all those I met in the past. I felt I loved having this woman as a mother and it hurts me that I can't go to her now and tell her this. I slowly walk trying to calm down my breathing, but I feel nausea so I stop and put my head down hoping it will go away. I count my breaths and when the nausea finally passes I lift my head up.

He stands opposite me and watches me carefully – You're feeling better now, Hannah? – he asks.

I stare at him, surprised by his presence – What are you doing here? – I ask.

He lifts his eyebrows and smiles – I was walking when I saw one of my patients feeling unwell so I thought I might help. Has nausea passed?

\- I appreciate your concern, Doctor Grant, but I'm feeling much better now. It wasn't anything serious – I say.

He smiles at me - I want you to go back to the waiting area and I will talk to Doctor McGrath about the blood tests we should do now.

I shake my head – My blood test was alright last week when I saw my family doctor. I felt sick because I...

He comes closer, and I notice he stopped feeling uncomfortable around me – Because you what?

\- I have sore hand, and that makes me feel sick sometimes – I explain.

He looks at me for a moment intently and I can't understand what happened to him. The last time he saw me he looked everywhere, but me and now his eyes are fixed on my face.

\- Hannah, that is why you should take painkillers.

\- I will. Thank you, Doctor Grant – I say and leave.

Chapter 16

July, 1731 – Spain

I am taken from my cell which I share with two other women to the interrogation room. They've been trying all week to break me with all kinds of threats, but I told them nothing.

\- Miss Garcia, we will resume where we finished yesterday – says Antonio Martinez, the main investigator. He is very determined and that makes him unpredictable. I can see his frustration, and I know he will do anything to make me to confess.

\- I've already told you I know nothing – I say and look at the secretary, writing down my words. – I know nothing – I repeat.

He grins - You run your father's printing house and you know nothing about those books? – he says and shows with the finger at the books, lying on the table.

\- The book couldn't have been printed in our house. We use a watermark on every page. Can you see letters SG on the pages? – I ask.

He frowns and then goes through the pages of one of the books. I can see he is surprised by the lack of the watermark.

\- Like you see the books couldn't have been printed in our house. I believe my Father, and I should be realised from the prison because we have done nothing wrong. Whoever told you we print prohibited books is a liar – I say.

He gets up from the chair and approaches me slowly – Miss Garcia, why then the books were hidden in the transport to Seville that came from your printing house?

\- I don't know that, Sir Martinez. All I know is we printed some books for the client in Seville and that we sent them fourteen days ago there without the books you are showing me. Have you asked the carriage driver about it?

\- We're asking you about it – he says and brings a chair for me. – Sit down, Miss Garcia. You'll have a sip of water that should help you to remember who printed the books, who ordered them and how many people is involved in this heresy?

\- I can't remember things that never happened – I say.

He grins again – We'll see – he says and ties my hands behind my back with a rope. He puts a cloth in my mouth and takes a jar of water. I can feel someone else's hands on my head and before I realise my head is tilted back and Martinez pours water through the cloth into my mouth. The cloth gets soaked and I start to choke. I fight with the feeling for a second and then I manage to take a short breath, but that leads to water being pushed into my airways again and I end up choking even more.

\- Can you remember now? – he asks, removing the cloth from my mouth.

I bend forward in the chair and cough water out. He waits patiently until I manage to take a breath – Can you remember now who ordered prohibited books from you? – he repeats the question.

\- I know nothing about prohibited books – I say in a hoarse voice.

He puts the cloth again in my mouth and takes another jar of water. I take the deepest breath I can manage and wait for him to start pouring the water. He pours it very slowly this time, so I have no choice than swallow it when the cloth gets fully soaked, what makes the whole process more painful than before. He stops and removes the cloth only when I start throwing up – How many people were involved in the distribution of the books, Miss Garcia? You tell me the names, and you will be given an opportunity to reconcile with the Church.

I look at him – I don't know any names, Mr Martinez – I say.

He walks me around and stops in front of the vomit on the floor – I can make you die a thousand deaths, Miss Garcia. There is no one who could stop me. The watermark was a clever idea, but it does not prove anything. You printed the books in your house, you put them on the carriage and you were paid to do that. You don't have enough money to print books that haven't been ordered. Tell me the name of your client, and I will think about acquitting you.

\- I should be acquitted, Mr Martinez because I have done nothing wrong – I say.

He takes a deep breath – You give me no choice by your ignorant attitude, Miss Garcia – he says and looks at the other man who comes to me to untie my wrists. Then he puts my ankles into metal chains and puts a loose rope around my chest. He takes me to the huge tank of water that stands in the corner and shows me wooden stairs that lead to the top of it.

I climb the stairs slowly while he holds the chains to allow me to walk. When I reach the last step, he quickly grabs the rope and puts the chains into the water tank. I fall into the water and feel the weight of the chains that pulls me down and the rope loop that starts to tighten around my chest with every second of me falling to the bottom. I try to swim back to the surface, but the chains are heavy and I quickly understand what he meant by dying a thousand deaths. Every time I try to swim up the chains pull me back to the same position. This fruitless effort makes me feel exasperated, but I try over and over again to no avail. They pull me up when I finally gave up and stop trying.

\- You want to go again? – he asks, standing at the distance to avoid water that comes from my soaked clothes.

\- I can't tell you something I don't know – I say between coughs and take the rope off me.

He lifts me up by my arm and throws into the water with anger. I go to the bottom and although I try to swim back I can't because the chains are so heavy or maybe I've become so weak that I let go and exhale. I see air bubbles around me and then I feel the water filling my lungs. And then I hear a familiar voice calling my name repeatedly so I look up and see Fernandez's face above the water. I extend my hand to him, and he grabs it and holds it firmly. He pulls me out, and I gasp and cough the water out. He puts me on the floor, and I can hear him talk to Martinez.

\- Her father confessed to printing the books. He's sworn she knew nothing about it because he feared for her denouncing him. He gave us the names of all involved before he died.

\- You cannot trust a man who is trying to save his child's life, Mr Fernandez – says Martinez.

\- Let me talk to her, and I will find out if she's lying.

\- Well, alright – says Martinez and nods at the secretary who moves a chair to be closer to us.

\- I want to talk to her alone – says Fernandez.

\- That's impossible – says Martinez.

\- You spent a week with her and found out nothing. I spent few hours with her father and got the list of all conspirators. I want to talk to her alone.

Martinez takes a deep breath and exhales slowly – Alright, but I shall warn you, Mr Fernandez. If Bishop Rodriguez finds out about it, we'll all be degraded to office clerks.

\- Bishop Rodriguez has approved my methods of interrogations a long time ago – says Fernandez.

\- Just don't kill her – says Martinez and they all leave.

He lifts me up from the floor and helps me to sit down in the chair – Maria Isabella, are you alright? – he asks, taking the chains off my ankles.

\- You killed my father – I say in a hoarse voice.

\- He died during the interrogation. There was nothing I could do for him. Are you alright? – he touches my hands.

I sit up straight and look at him – You killed my father – I repeat.

\- You were printing prohibited books. I asked you about it a year ago and you denied. You lied to me so many times, Maria Isabella and yet I am here putting my career and life in danger because I cannot stand the thought of you being tortured or killed. I'm here for you, and you blame me for killing your father? I didn't kill him. I was appointed his counsellor and advised him to tell the truth. He died during the interrogation, but his last thoughts and words were about you. He sacrificed his life and many others for you.

\- You should go now, Mr Fernandez. You shouldn't put your life or career in danger because of me – I say.

He sighs heavily – I will have to hit you so there was a sign of a torture when Martinez comes back.

\- Go ahead, Mr Fernandez. I've survived worse – I say and lift my head up.

He hesitates for a moment and then he slaps me across the cheek. I hiss from pain, and he kneels in front of me and says – The Lord Jesus Christ is my witness I hate seeing you suffer. I will ask Bishop Rodriguez for reconciliation for you.

\- No! – I shout to him. – You will not ask that man for anything.

\- If he agrees to it before the other conspirators denounce you I can put you on the ship to the colonies. We don't have much time, Maria Isabella.

\- No! – I say and kneel in front of him. – Mr Fernandez, I'm begging you. Don't ask that man for anything – I say, holding his hand.

\- I... - he breaks off at the sound of the footsteps.

\- I can see she's had enough already – says Martinez, seeing me lying at his feet. – What did she tell you? – he asks, looking at my face.

Fernandez removes my hand – She knows nothing. Take her back to the cell and don't forget to put some rats in there – he says.

\- Mr Fernandez, please don't do this – I say while two men lift me up and take me away.

Chapter 17

August, 1731 – Spain

I am taken from my cell into the dungeon. The man who brought me here removes the cuffs and leaves me there without a word. I wait patiently for what seems like a couple of hours until the torch I was left with burns out. I start stamping when I feel the first rat touching my ankle. Another hour or two passes before I hear someone's footsteps coming from the other end of the dungeon.

\- Maria Isabella, are you there? – I hear a familiar voice.

\- I'm here, Mr Fernandez – I say.

He approaches me with a torch – We have to hurry. The ship is leaving soon – he says and grabs my arm.

I shake him off – Mr Fernandez, what are you doing? – I ask, surprised and angry at the same time.

\- Bishop Rodriguez has agreed to your exile. You can be released from the custody, but you cannot stay in Spain. The ship to the colonies leaves at dawn. I found a man who will look after you on the ship and who will help you to find a job as a housekeeper. We must leave now – he explains.

\- I asked you not to ask Bishop Rodriguez for anything, Mr Fernandez! – I shout angrily.

\- Shh – he hisses and comes closer. – You asked the wrong thing, Maria Isabella. There is no time – he says and grabs my arm again.

I shake him off – If you touch me again, I'll start to scream.

He exhales loudly, let go of my arm and replaces the burnout torch with the one he holds in his hand – You made me do this – he says, grabs me firmly and puts his hand on my mouth.

I fight for a minute or two, but he is stronger and I finally let go.

He takes his hand off my mouth – I couldn't let you scream. If you don't leave now, the Bishop can change his mind based on what the other conspirators tell during their interrogations.

\- I don't want to leave. My father is dead and I have nothing left. I can die with them – I say.

He puts his hands on my head and pulls me towards him – I wouldn't stand seeing you die, Maria Isabella. Promise me you'll survive and find some decent man with whom you can have a family – he says in a pleading tone.

\- Why are you doing this for me, Mr Fernandez? - I ask, confused.

He touches my swollen cheek – The Lord Jesus Christ is my witness that every time I see you I wish we were different people, but we cannot change who we were born and I will do everything to make sure you survive because you belong to the living.

\- I don't need your protection, and I don't want to live in exile. That is worse than death. I have done nothing wrong. My father has done nothing wrong. Books don't hurt or kill people. The Church does.

\- You mustn't say that, Maria Isabella. Promise me you'll never say that again. I belong to the Church and so do you – he lowers his tone.

I take his hand off my cheek and put it on his chest – We belong to what is in our hearts, Matías. You wish we were different people because in your heart you know what you do is against the Lord Jesus Christ's teachings.

He looks at me intently for a minute and then he says – You're the bravest woman I have ever met, Maria Isabella, but you mustn't say things like that again. Your father died to save your life. Don't waste his death by saying things that can lead you back to the custody. Promise me you will follow the Church teachings for the rest of your life.

I sigh heavily – Will I be safe on the ship with this man?

\- I paid him really well for your safety. He doesn't know who you are. I told him your father has died recently and you are looking for a job as a housekeeper. I gave him a reference letter from myself, so you shouldn't have any problems with finding a good job.

\- If I go will, you do something for me? – I ask.

\- What is it?

\- Will you look after Bianca? She likes you – I say.

\- Your property has been confiscated. I don't know where Bianca is, but I promise I will try to find her and buy her. Is that alright?

\- Yes.

\- There are men outside who will take you to the port. It's not an easy ride at night, and I don't know the roads too well– he says and gives me a pouch full of coins.

\- I will never see Spain again, will I? – I ask, weighing the pouch in my hand.

He pulls me suddenly towards him and starts kissing me. I let him because as much as I hate him for choosing to be an inquisitor I feel he's been haunted by this choice and all those people he tortured in the name of the Church. He is hurting, and he will be hurting for the rest of his life.

\- You've destroyed me, Maria Isabella and I don't know who I am anymore – he says and puts his head on my chest.

I cuddle him like a child – You don't have to be an inquisitor, Matías. You can choose a different life. You can go with me – I say.

\- I don't deserve you, Maria Isabella. You belong to somebody else. Promise me you'll marry a decent man who will look after you – he says and pulls away.

\- I promise to look after myself until some decent man asks me to marry him – I say, smiling.

\- That's good – he says and smiles too.

\- I should go – I say and turn towards the exit.

\- Maria Isabella? – I hear his pleading tone, and I turn around.

He kneels, takes my hand and kisses it. I can feel his sadness, but I can't help it, but feel bad for him.

\- May the Lord Jesus Christ protects you from any harm – he finally says and pulls away.

I look at him and see a tear falling down his cheek – May the Lord Jesus Christ guides your heart – I say, turn around and leave.

Chapter 18

June, 2016 - England

I sit in the Fracture Clinic and watch the chaos happening in the waiting room. Children with broken limbs sit around me while their parents circulate between the chairs and the vending machine standing in the corner just to make up to them for the injuries. The first heat wave of the year brings the first increase in the cyclist accidents, according to the nurses' conversation I overheard on my way to the x-ray.

\- Hannah Adams? – the nurse calls my name, and I get up.

I enter his office and sit in the chair – Hello, Doctor Grant – I say.

He's already absorbed with the x-rays and says nothing.

"Really, Grant? Are you going to play Mr Important with me again?"

He finally pulls away from the computer screen and looks at me – Hannah; I have read your family doctor's letter. I have also received the report from the physiotherapist. I understand there has been no significant improvement of your symptoms since your last appointment and that the plate is causing you a lot a pain and sensitivity. Can I see your hand? – he asks.

\- Of course – I say and extend my hand to him.

He holds it in one hand and checks the scar with index finger. I hiss from pain and he removes his finger. He presses the skin on my wrist and then fingers. He comes back to the scar and presses again. I hiss from pain again, and he removes his finger and comes back to the x-rays on the screen – The main fracture is healed now, and the bone is solid, but the other fragment is not alright – he says and turns back to my hand.

\- You have to remove the hardware \- I say.

He looks at me and exhales loudly – We will do the surgery next month. Is that alright?

\- Will I have to be in the cast again? – I ask.

He shakes his head – No. We'll put only dressing and bandages. Ok, Hannah I'll see you in July – he says.

\- How do you know it will be you operating on this hand? – I ask, surprised.

He lifts his head up and looks me in the eye – I will ask to schedule your surgery when I'm on the theatre – he explains.

I gasp, and he lets go of my hand. I turn around and suddenly an image of him sitting in the study in Seville, crying comes to my mind. I feel his sorrow and anger. He's grieving something or someone.

\- Hannah, is everything alright? – I hear him behind me.

I turn around – Doctor Grant, why do you want to remove the plate? Anyone can do it.

He looks at me, and I notice he hesitates for a moment – I fixed it, so I want to remove it. That's all – he says.

\- Maybe someone else should do it – I say, trying to ignore the image that came to my mind.

\- Why? – he asks, surprised.

\- I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this surgery. That's all – I say.

He looks at me intently – What do you mean by that? – he asks.

\- I mean something might go wrong – I say.

\- You think I wouldn't manage if something went wrong? – he asks in a deep voice, and I can see he is irritated now.

I sit down again in the chair – I think you would manage, but I am not sure if I could manage if something went wrong. I wouldn't stand this. I'm in constant pain.

\- We'll do everything we could do to fix that, Hannah – he says confidently and I get another image of him standing next to Bianca and whispering something into her ear. She exhales loudly and licks his cheek, and I understand in the second what he whispered to her: Maria Isabella has died, Bianca.

I stand up and swallow hard – I need some air – I say and come to the window. I lift it and take a few deep breaths.

\- Hannah, you have problems with breathing every time I see you. We need to do some test before the surgery – he says.

"Well, because I just found out I died young three hundreds years ago and I even don't know how or why?"

\- Alright – I nod and try not to focus on what I have just seen in my mind.

\- Is it better now? – he asks, coming to me.

\- I'll be alright in a second – I say and come back to the chair.

\- I'll give you a blood test form – he says and starts marking the tests in the order form.

I look at him, and an image of me entering a ship comes to my mind – What if I die? – I ask.

He stops writing and looks at me, shocked – Hannah, this is standard procedure. The mortality rate during removing the plate is really low. You panic unnecessarily. There, take this with you to the nurse – he hands me the form.

\- Thank you, Doctor Grant – I say and leave his office frustrated that I couldn't tell him what caused me to panic.

Chapter 19

August, 1731 – Spanish Ship

I've never been on the ship before, so I had no idea I would be seasick. For this reason I spend most of the day in the small cabin the men prepared just for me. Fernandez must have paid them really well because none of them dares touch me. They come down with food which I can't even look at and fresh water. All of them claim the sickness will pass after a couple of days. The ship mostly carries barrels with gunpowder and other commodities so there are only seven crew members on the board. The captain comes to me on the eighth day of the cruise just to ensure me he would keep the word given to Fernandez.

\- How are you feeling today, Ms Garcia? – he asks, standing at the threshold of the cabin.

\- I still can't hold anything in the stomach – I explain, looking reluctantly at the food brought to me earlier.

\- I understand, but you have to try to eat something. The cook made this especially for you – he says.

\- That's very kind of you, Captain Gonzalez. I will try it a bit later – I say.

\- We have to look after the only lady on the board, Miss Garcia. Mr Fernandez asked me to help you in finding a new job. I think I know affluent family that would consider hiring you. But we'll talk about it when we get there and when you feel better. I'll talk to you later – he says and leaves.

\- Thank you, Captain Gonzales – I say and close the cabin door.

I try to eat the food, but I am not able to swallow it due to the sickness so I gave in and lay down on the bed. I close my eyes and before I know I'm falling asleep.

I am awakening to the sound of rain and winds battering the ship and the feeling of rocking that makes me vomit. I can hear men shouting at the deck, and I decide to go there. I can see the men loading barrels in a hurry under the deck.

\- What's happening? – I ask one of them.

\- The storm is getting worse, Miss Garcia. You better go back to your cabin – he says.

I turn and prepare to go under the deck when suddenly I hear a thunder and see a lighting that strikes the barrel he was rolling. It explodes, and we both are thrown into the air. I land hard on the deck what makes me lose consciousness. When I come around, I can smell something burning and it takes me a few seconds to realise it is my hair and skin. The men come to my rescue, extinguishing the flames with the blanket, but I already know my skin is completely burnt. They take me under the deck and put me in the bed. Someone tries to remove my clothes, but it causes me to scream from pain so they leave it. I can feel cold when wet sheets are being applied on my skin and that makes me shiver. So I close my eyes and let go of all the pain. And suddenly I can see Matías sitting at his desk, clenching his fingers on a letter, and cursing the Lord Jesus Christ for letting me die this horrible death and I can feel his pain and sorrow and I know they will not pass until we meet again. Then I see him whispering something to Bianca. She turns her head towards him and licks his cheek. And they stand there like two anguished souls crushed by the weight of the grief. And then I see them traveling through Spain, looking after for each other and cherishing my memory. And then I see him, sobbing over Bianca's death and I understand this man loved her as much as I did. And then I see him returning to the Inquisition, living an empty life again. I see him torturing people for nothing, like he wanted them to take the blame for something they've never done while all the time he is angry with himself for putting me on that ship. And he starts every day with hope the death comes soon for him like it comes every day for those he interrogates. And then I let all images go and I exhale my last breath.

Chapter 20

July, 2016 – England

I sit in the bed and look at the anaesthetists ticking the boxes in the chart.

\- Do you smoke? – he asks.

I smile at him – No.

\- Do you drink?

I sigh - Sometimes.

\- How often?

\- Three or four times per year – I explain.

He gives a laugh – And you remember that?

\- I do remember because it's always someone's birthday or someone's wedding. Besides occasions like that I don't drink – I explain.

He gives me a suspicious look - Even when you go out?

\- Especially when I go out.

\- Do you mind if I listen to your chest? – he asks and shows at the stethoscope.

\- Not at all. Go ahead.

He puts it on my back and holds my shoulder – Deep breath in and out – he says.

An image of him holding me up while I am a baby comes to my mind. He makes me laugh and I giggle and he puts me back in the pram. He was my father, but I can't figure out when was that.

\- Hannah, you can't hold your breath like that – he says and I come back to the present time.

\- Sorry, Doctor. What is your name again? I think I didn't get that – I say.

\- William Smith – he introduces himself again.

\- I will remember now. So what is the plan for now?

He looks at the watch – We're waiting for your blood test to come back and if everything is alright we can take you to the theatre. Any questions you want to ask?

I bite my lip – Will you be there? – I ask uncertainly.

\- I will be with you all the time – he smiles and I can see him taking me to the altar in our previous life. I can feel his love towards me, and I give a sigh of relief knowing he will be with me through the surgery.

\- Anything else?

\- Is Doctor Grant on the theatre today? – I ask.

He frowns and looks at me – Doctor Grant is going to perform the surgery, Hannah. There is no need to be worried.

\- What if I die? – I say suddenly, although I don't know why.

He brushes the question off – We won't let that happen, Hannah. I have to go now, but I'll see you in the theatre – he says and leaves.

I spend another hour waiting patiently until someone takes me downstairs and wheels me into the theatre. I look at the screen showing my x-rays, and the nurse pushes something into my vein – I'll give you something to relax, Hannah – she informs me.

\- Where is he? – I ask, but I can't hear her answering because the drug starts working and I'm falling asleep.

I wake up to the anesthesiologist's voice informing that the blood pressure is dropping, and I wonder why on earth would he say that during my surgery since I'm alright.

\- We're closing up here. What's happening? – I can hear Grant's voice.

\- Well, I'm trying to figure it out – says Doctor Smith. – Are you finished?

\- Yeah – says Grant and suddenly I can hear an alarm.

\- She's not breathing – says the nurse and that's when I realise they're talking about me.

And then I see an image of Grant and me while we stand in the stable and look at the young boy who's patting a horse. He says something to us, and we both laugh at it, but I can't figure out what is he saying or how he looks like because I get only a glimpse of him. And then another boy joins us and says something and we smile at him and we look at them both with pride like parents look at their children and I understand that I see our next life. So, that's it. I am going to die today. And then an image of Grant frantically trying to resuscitate me comes to my mind and I can hear the urgency in his voice when he barks orders to everyone and I feel his anxiety and anger that I'm dying and he can't figure out why. And then everything stops and my mind erases all images from all my lives and I let them go and for the first time in the last couple of months I just relax.

I wake up to doctor's Smith pleasant voice calling my name repeatedly.

– Where am I? – I ask, confused.

\- You're in the hospital, Hannah. You had a surgery. I'm Doctor Smith. Can you remember me? – he asks.

I look at him intently – What happened?

He smiles – You had a surgery to remove the plate from your wrist.

\- I know that, but what happened during the surgery that I died? – I say.

He looks at the chart, and I can see how uncomfortable he feels about my question – You experienced a sudden cardiac arrest during the surgery due to anaphylactic reaction. Your blood pressure dropped, you stopped breathing and your heart stopped for a half of a minute, but we brought you back and will be monitoring your recovery. How do you know this?

\- I remember you saying my blood pressure dropped – I explain.

He gives me a strange look – It wouldn't be possible for you to hear that – he says.

\- How are you feeling, Hannah? – Grant comes to the other side of the bed.

\- I'm not bad, but you people look exhausted – I say and smile.

They look at each other and then Smith says to him – Hannah asked me about her cardiac arrest during the surgery. I explained it happened as a result of anaphylaxis and that we managed to react very fast.

Grant gasps and looks at him disapprovingly – How did she know about that? – he asks, forgetting about my presence.

\- She claims she remembered it – says Smith and looks at me.

\- I do remember it. I also remember you being anxious about it – I say and look at Grant.

\- Hannah, it was a routine procedure, but sometimes a patient's immune system develops an immune response like anaphylactic reaction. We managed to react fast and there is no reason to worry about that – he says and looks at me.

I smile remembering how afraid he was on the theatre. He is composed now, but it's a cover up for what happened to him while I was dying.

\- When can I go home? – I ask.

\- Hopefully this Friday – he says and sighs. – Alright, Hannah. We'll see you then – he adds and they both leave.

Chapter 21

March, 2017 - England

I stand next to Luke and watch him mounting a pony. He hesitates for a moment and then sends me a quick kiss - Love you - he says and looks at the trainer who smiles at us. I sit down on the bench and wave to him when he looks at me again.

\- Well done, Luke - I say loud and turn towards the exit when he waves in that direction.

There's a boy of his age running towards him and they greet cheerfully. They chat for a moment and then the boy goes to his trainer.

\- Is this seat taken? - I hear behind me.

I turn around and look at the man standing behind to the bench - Doctor Grant, what are you doing here? - I ask, surprised.

\- I'm taking my son to his horse riding lesson - he says matter of fact - I thought it was you, Hannah. I can sit somewhere else.

\- Not at all. There's plenty space on the bench - I say and move a bit.

He sits next to me - Are you riding today? - he asks.

\- Today I'm watching my nephew, over there - I say and show him Luke.

He laughs – Luke is your nephew?

\- What's so funny about that? - I ask.

He shrugs - I know Luke quite well. He and my son, Matthew, are good friends - he says and shows at the boy who talked to Luke a few minutes ago.

\- I see - I laugh, remembering Luke talking about his son a lot.

\- My ex-wife usually brings Matthew to the centre, but today it was my turn - he says suddenly.

\- I think I met her during Luke's last birthday party - I say. - She is very nice.

\- She's a good mother - he nods and I can see he is still not over her. It must have happened recently as I remember him wearing a wedding band when I was his patient.

\- Do you know my brother then? - I ask.

\- No, I haven't had a chance to meet him. How is your hand now?

\- It's alright - I say and look at him.

He smiles - Do you come here a lot?

\- I come here from time to time with Luke and to see Bianca.

\- Bianca? - he asks like he just remembered something.

I smile - She is one of the horses. Do you want to see her when the boys finish their lessons?

He frowns - Is she a nice horse?

\- She is an exceptional horse, Doctor Grant – I say.

\- I would like to meet her, but please call me Aaron – he says and takes a sip of coffee.

\- Alright – I agree.

\- What do you do when you don't work, look after Luke or visit Bianca? – he asks suddenly and I know where that conversation leads us.

\- I get bored and break my bones, so I could get to know new people – I laugh.

He smiles – There are better ways to get to know new people than breaking limbs – he says.

\- Oh yeah? Like what?

\- Like accepting invitation to a coffee from a man who's sitting next to you on the bench – he says and I know he thinks it was a high risk of rejection question.

\- That's a good idea under the condition the invitation will be to a tea – I say and he smiles.

\- Sure – he says, gets up and waves to Mathew who looks at him.

I get up and shout to Luke - I'm going to see Bianca now! Do you want to come?!

He comes closer – Can we take Mathew too? – he asks.

I look at Aaron, and he hopelessly spreads his hands – I can't see why not – he says and follows me to the exit.

I enter Bianca's cubicle, and she recognises me immediately. She gives a loud snort and tilts her head so I could pat her on the neck. Grant stands on the side and looks at us observantly.

\- Do you want to touch her? – I ask and he nods.

He comes to he,r and she looks at him for a moment and then she tilts her head and gives another snort like she has just recognised him.

\- Why her name is Bianca since she is all black? – he asks and I smile.

\- She was given that name when she was born, but I don't know why – I explain.

\- I see – he says and looks at the boys who come into the cubicle.

\- Hello Matthew. My name is Hannah – I say to his son.

\- I know. I remember you from Luke's birthday party – he says.

\- Right. I forgot about that – I say.

\- She's a beautiful horse – says Grant like he remembered her now.

\- She is and she really likes you – I say and smile.

And so we start all over again in the life that was designed to bring our story to the different end because love is not bound by time or space. And I'm looking at him standing with the boys and Bianca and I'm curious about this man I know so well and yet he is a mystery to me. And I will have to forget I used to know him and learn him as Aaron Grant because Maria Isabella and Matías are gone for a long time. So I decide to put aside those memories of them to give a chance to the man who saved my life.

Chapter 22

April, 2017 – England

I sit at the Café Magnolia and wait for him to come back inside. He talks on the phone, and I can see he's getting annoyed with something as he sighs heavily and then narrows his eyes. I watch him hanging up and coming inside.

\- Is everything alright? – I ask when he sits down.

\- Sorry Hannah for that. I had to take this. There is a problem in the hospital – he says and takes a sip of his coffee.

I smile at him – I know there is a problem, but is everything alright now? If you have to go, I understand – I say.

He looks straight at me and smiles – I don't have to go – he says.

When did he learn to look at me like that? He used to be so shy around me that I'm starting to miss it.

\- You would tell me if you had to go, right? – I ask and smile too.

\- Yeah. I would – he says and watches me taking a sip of tea.

\- Admiring your work, Doctor Grant? – I ask, noticing he looked at the scar on my wrist.

He gives a laugh – No, Hannah. I just like looking at your hands. I think your hand are... pretty.

\- Oh – I blush and put the cup of tea away. – Thanks for the compliment. I've never heard this one before. Why did you become an orthopaedic surgeon?

He sighs and lifts his eyebrows – Just because I've got interested in it while I was a student. What about you? What do you do?

\- I have a bookstore – I say and he narrows his eyes like he remembered something.

\- What kind of books do you sell? – he asks.

\- All kinds of books including audiobooks. I also have a few first edition books.

\- Is that what you always wanted to do, to have a bookstore? – he takes another sip of coffee.

\- Yes. It took me some time thought to open my own. I worked in a few bookstores before I open mine – I explain.

He watches my hands while I take another sip of my tea – You do like my hands, don't you?

He puts his head down, embarrassed – I do, sorry for that. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

\- That's alright. You didn't – I say.

He lifts his head up – Have you ever met someone, and they seemed so familiar, like you knew them from somewhere but you couldn't remember from where? – he asks suddenly.

\- I have. Do you have it with me? – I ask and look at him.

\- I have... - he breaks off at the sound of his phone. He takes it out of his jacket pocket and looks at me – It's the hospital again. I'm sorry for that, Hannah.

\- That's alright. Take the call – I say and show him I need to use the restroom.

I lock the door of the bathroom and look in the mirror – Oh, my God! He must remember me too, but doesn't know from where and I can't tell him! Hannah Adams you're not allowed to tell this man where he knows you from! If you tell him he'll call a psychiatrist! – I whisper to myself, take a few deep breaths and leave the restroom.

He's still on the phone when I come back – Where's Glynn? He's on the theatre today, isn't he? ... I'll talk to him... Are these people aware there are procedures in place? I took a lot of time and energy to write and implement them and they are straightforward... That's alright – his voice is tense and very low what tells me he got angry again.

I sit opposite him and he hangs up – I'm sorry for that. There is a major problem in the hospital today.

\- Aaron, I understand. There's no need to apologise. It would worry me if you didn't answer the hospital's call – I say.

\- Why?

\- It would mean you don't care about the patients, and I was one of them so I know what some of them are going through – I explain and look at the clock.

\- Are you in a hurry? – he asks, following my eyesight.

\- I have a meeting with a client about one of the books she is interested in. She'll meet me at the bookstore at three, and it's already two twenty. I'd love to stay longer, but I don't want to keep her waiting – I say.

\- Of course – he says and helps me to put my coat on when my hand gets stuck in the sleeve. He touches my back accidently when I turn to grab my handbag and I see an image of us sitting at the different café in a different time. There's some music in the background that sounds like the beginning of the twentieth century and I realise we had more than one previous life. How's that I didn't see it before? It makes me feel sick, so I leave the café fast to get some fresh air. He notices something's wrong because he follows me in silence and stops me when we pass the café windows.

\- Hannah? What's it? – he asks, standing opposite me.

I smile – Nothing. I still get annoyed when my hand gets stuck in the sleeve because I can't bend it fully.

He looks at me for a moment and then sighs – I thought I did something to upset you. You looked angry.

\- You couldn't make me angry. I am angry with my situation and the fact I still can't do horse - riding. I go to see Bianca every week, and I know she looks forward to our weekly rides and I can't. And when something reminds me about this hand like this what happened a few minutes ago I get upset – I lie to him with the hope he will believe me.

\- I understand, but you need to be more patient. Your hand will get better, but you need to give it some more time. Are you alright with me? – he looks at me expectantly.

\- Of course – I smile.

\- Can we meet again? – he asks.

\- I'd love to. I had a good time today – I say.

\- Can I call you?

\- You can.

\- I'd like to see your bookstore, Hannah – he says.

I smile – You can see it when we meet the next time – I say and he gives a sigh of relief that he secured the next meeting.

\- See you next time – he takes my hand and turns it so he could see the scar. He turns it again – Your hand is alright. You forgot about exercising it and you can do horse-riding again. Bianca won't let you fall for the second time – he says.

\- Thank you, Doctor Grant – I laugh. - That's my bus – I nod and he waves at the bus that stops immediately. He lets go of my hand and looks at me getting on the bus. I turn towards the door and smile at him and he stands there smiling back at me and I like his smile. It reaches his eyes, and he's so bright that I decide to ignore the image of us that came to my mind earlier.

Chapter 23

June, 1942 – Poland

I open the door and give a smile to a young, dark-haired man standing outside – Good morning. What can I help you with? – I ask.

\- Good morning, Miss. I would like to take a photograph. Do I need an appointment? – he asks.

\- If it's not urgent it would be better if you made an appointment, but if you are in a hurry, we can take one now and you can collect it tomorrow – I say.

He hesitates for a moment, and I notice he's assessing the situation.

\- Will it take long, Miss? – he asks.

\- It will take around twenty minutes. My next client hasn't showed up yet so if you want to I can take your photograph now – I explain.

\- Alright – he says and enters the hallway.

I take his hat and hang it on the hanger – Please, come on in to the studio – I show him the room on the left.

He obediently sits down on the chair I bring for him. I go to the camera and set it up and then come back to him – Could you please put your chin up a bit? – I ask and he does what I say.

\- Are you Anna Soblewska? – he asks.

\- I am, like it says on the door – I confirm and move his head into the correct position. – That's perfect. Your left profile is better, so don't move for a minute – I say and come back to the camera. I take the photograph and smile at him – That's it. All done – I say and he gets up from the chair and comes closer to me.

\- I'm Adam Dubicki – he says and waits for me to react.

I leave the camera and extend my hand – It's nice to meet you, Mr Dubicki. I have to admit I was expecting someone older – I say while he kisses my hand.

\- You don't look old yourself – he smiles at me. – Could we talk somewhere else? – he asks.

\- Why not here?

He comes to me and whispers in my ear – The walls can hear sometimes.

\- I can meet you in a half an hour at the café around the corner. Is that alright?

\- That's perfect – he says and heads towards the exit.

I enter the café and look around. There are no Germans at this time of the day, but the place is busy. He gets up from the chair and comes to me.

\- Anna, how nice to see you – he says and kisses me on the cheek.

I smile at him, and sit in the chair– I'm sorry if I kept you waiting, Adam – I say, seeing the waitress approaching us.

He looks at her and gives her a menu card – Could we have those cakes with cream fillings, please? – he asks.

\- Of course. Would you like something to drink? – she asks, taking the menu cards.

He looks at me and I say – I'm fine. Thank you.

\- That would be all – he says to the waitress and waits until she leaves. – Thank you for coming – he says to me.

\- Why didn't you want to talk at my studio, Mr Dubicki? – I ask, looking around.

\- I'd appreciate if you called me Adam. I decided a public place would be a better idea. We are two young people meeting at the café. We just have to pretend we are dating. Can you do that?

I smile – Of course I can do that. Why do you think we are meeting in the first place?

The waitress comes back with the cakes. She arranges them for us on the table and leaves. He takes a bite of the dessert and looks at me – I was told you are devoted to our cause, but you don't like to take orders. Is that true?

\- That depends on who wants to give me an order, Adam. I am not a soldier, but I am a part of the resistance. I was told you want me to be a part of something what requires determination and careful planning. What is it?

\- We are planning to target someone who has a weakness for young girls – he says and looks at me observantly.

– I am not a prostitute, Adam – I say.

\- That's not what I was saying. He likes to take photographs of whatever he does. We think you could become his personal photographer. You are young, pretty and take photographs. You could gain access to a lot of events. You also speak German fluently, and that is the most important thing when it comes to getting an access to the Germans plans. Officially, I could be your fiancé. You take my photograph with you and when he asks if you are with somebody you show it to him. He can check me any time, so you tell him what hospital I work in. We need to keep it as real as possible.

\- That's why you wanted to meet me here? – I smile.

He nods – If he wants to check on us, he should see us together often. I hope that could stop him from treating you badly. We want him to hire you, and that's it. You would report only to me what means we have to meet at least once per week and pretend we are... - he breaks off.

\- Engaged – I finish for him.

\- Do you want to think about it? – he asks.

I sigh - What is his name?

\- Ralf Kruger. He is one of the officers responsible for the SS logistics here – he explains.

\- Is he married?

\- He's a widower. If you agree I will give you a full dossier on him later.

\- How do I approach him? – I ask.

He takes another bite of the cake - You can circulate your business cards and leave some at his office. If he notices they are written in German he should contact you. If he doesn't, we'll find a different way.

I give a heavy sigh – What if something goes wrong? – I ask and look straight at him.

He puts fork away and looks at me seriously – I can't guarantee everything will go smoothly. I think you already know every operation we carry out is of high risk. We will do everything we can to get you out of town if something goes wrong.

\- Are you finished? – I nod at his cake.

\- Yes, why? – he frowns.

\- I want my fiancé to take me for a walk – I say and stand up.

He smiles at me and gets my handbag from the chair. He touches my back and leads me to the exit – Thank you, Anna – he says and opens the door for me.

Chapter 24

May, 2017 – England

We sit in the busy restaurant he booked last week after a phone call conversation with me during which he made a full investigation with regard to my favourite food and scenery like he was afraid I would be offended by his choice of a restaurant.

\- Have you been here before? – I ask, watching him eating.

He puts the fork away– I've been here only once before – he says and I can see there's more to that.

\- Was it a long time ago? – I ask, finding his insecurity a bit amusing.

He sighs and smiles – A work colleague recommended this place to me so I came here last week to check if I liked it.

I smile broadly – That restaurant was opened last month. My brother and sister –in law had their anniversary dinner here. They loved it – I say and come back to my food.

\- What about you? Do you like it? – he looks at me expectantly.

\- I like it a lot. It was very good choice. You know where to take a girl for a date, Doctor Grant.

He looks at me for a moment, but says nothing. Finally, he sighs and says – Hannah, I haven't taken a girl for a date for a very long time. I was faithful to my wife.

I suddenly get very serious – Do you want to talk about your marriage?

He takes a sip of water - Only if you want to – he says and I can see he doesn't feel comfortable with the subject.

\- We can talk about it some other time – I say and he sighs with relief.

\- What about you? Do you date a lot? – he asks.

I take a sip of water – I was in a long- term relationship until last year, but things didn't work out between us so we broke up our engagement. Then I discovered my new passion which was horse-riding, and I broke my hand. I wasn't in a mood for dates because of that. My brother wants to set me up on blind dates with men he knows or he used to know, but I don't like the idea. All dating these days happen online which doesn't work for me either. I met my ex-fiancé when I was nineteen so dating is kind of a new thing for me – I explain.

\- I understand. Do you want to talk about your relationship? – he smiles.

I smile back - I don't mind. What do you want to know?

\- How did you meet?

\- We met at the university while studying Spanish. He became a teacher, and I started to work in the bookstore. Back then, I thought we were a good match, but as we grew older we just drifted apart, I guess.

He narrows his eyes – Do you miss him or your life with him? – he asks.

\- Sometimes I do. Do you miss your wife or life with her?

He bites his lips – Sometimes. I guess the reason for our split was the same as yours. It was hard on Matthew. He couldn't understand it for a while.

\- Children adjust faster than you think, Aaron. I'm sure he's forgiven you – I say and he holds his breath for a second like he was surprised I figured out he blames himself for destroying his son's childhood.

\- You speak Spanish then?

\- Yes. What about you? Do you speak other languages?

\- Nope – he smiles. - Have you sold that book? – he changes the subject.

\- What book?

\- The book you were to sell the other day we met – he explains.

\- I have sold it, but to somebody else. The lady I met the other day didn't like it, but the next day someone else bought it.

\- Was it a good book? – he asks.

\- It was a very good book and a very old one. I bought it at the antiques shop ten years ago not knowing it was a first edition. Some people like buying a first edition as a gift.

\- Do you have many first editions?

\- Not that many now. I had some insurance issues in the past because of the value of the first edition books so I'm trying to get rid of them.

\- I understand- he nods.

\- Are you finished? – ask the waiter, and I let him take my plate. – Would you like a dessert? – he asks.

I look at Aaron – I'm full, but if you want to we can order something.

\- I'm fine. I would like to see your bookstore someday – he says and lets the waiter take his plate.

\- Would you like to see it now? – I ask, and he gives a broad smile.

\- I'd like to – he says.

Chapter 25

May, 2017 – England

He walks among the shelves and from time to time checks some of the books – Is this a first edition, too? – he asks.

I come closer – No. It isn't. Do you like it?

\- I didn't know Oscar Wilde was the author of children's books – he says, going through the pages.

I smile – "The Happy Prince and Other Tales" were one of his best works if you asked me – I say and look at the page he stopped in.

\- Matthew should read this – he says, pointing at the story inside. – I'm going to buy it for his birthday.

\- Take it – I say. – Do you want me to wrap it for you?

\- I am in the bookstore. I just can't take it. Even if I did, it would be present from you, not from me – he says.

\- Alright - I say and go to the till.

\- I think the wrapping is a good idea. I'm not good at that – he says, paying for the book.

I go to the collection of wrapping paper – What about this one? – I show him one and he nods approvingly.

I come back to the book and start wrapping it. I can feel his eyes on me that follow my every move, and I like him watching me.

\- You would make a good surgeon – he says finally.

I laugh loud - Why on earth would you think that, Aaron? – I ask.

\- You're very precise – he says seriously.

I walk around to him and give him the book – Thank you for the purchase and I hope Matthew is going to like it.

\- You see, Hannah, you would make a good surgeon. You could fly in the theatre with your impeccable customer service, precision and accuracy.

\- So you do have a sense of humour, Aaron – I say, laughing.

He smiles – I might tell a joke or two sometimes – he says and comes to me very close. – What book is your favourite? – he asks, lowering his voice.

\- Let me show you – I almost whisper and take his hand.

He gives me an uncertain glimpse, but obediently follows me to the bookshelf at the back of the store.

"You see, Grant, I'm touching your hand and playing a doctor now."

\- This is my special bookshelf meaning customers look at it very seldom. For this reason I keep here books that are old and forgotten and among them, there's my favourite book – I say and guide his fingers towards the book.

He takes it out and looks at the title and then on me – That's "Divine Comedy" – he says, surprised.

\- That's right – I nod.

\- Can I ask why this is your favourite book?

\- Just because it's well written. I reread it once or twice per year. You thought I would show you a romance?

He laughs – You look like a romance's lover – he admits.

\- I am not as romantic as I look like – I say. I put the book back on the shelf – You shouldn't judge by appearances, Aaron.

He takes my hand – I didn't mean that, Hannah. I'm sorry, it came out wrong – he apologises.

\- I'm not offended by you saying what you were thinking. In fact, I'd like to know what you think.

\- I think you are an intelligent, a beautiful, and a genuine young woman with this fascinating personality that makes me think this situation is not real – he says and I can see he's being honest.

\- Fascinating? – I ask.

\- I feel like I've already known you from somewhere, Hannah. You're fascinating.

\- Maybe you've known me in your previous life – I say.

He frowns - Oh yeah, like which one? – he laughs, taking it as a joke.

I want to tell him, but I bite my tongue. I wave my hand in disregard and laugh – You know the one you don't remember because nobody remembers past lives.

He laughs – Oh, this one – he says and quickly adds – I should go now.

\- Are you in a hurry? – I ask.

He puts his head down, and I can see he is hesitating for a moment – I'm not in a hurry, but I should go because if I don't go I will... - he breaks off.

\- You will what? – I look straight at him.

He lifts his head and says - I will kiss you, Hannah.

I smile – You definitely shouldn't go because I want you to kiss me.

\- Oh, yeah? – he asks, surprised.

\- Well, are we going to stand here and talk about it until dawn or are we going to do it? – I ask, laughing and he leans in, lifts my chin up and kisses me. The image of us standing in the gate of the tenement house and kissing passionately surfaces into my mind and I can't focus on the presence so I pull apart and put my head down.

\- You're alright? – he asks, and I can hear the anxiety in his voice.

I shake my head – I need to sit down – I say and sit on the ladder, standing next to the bookshelf.

\- What's wrong? – he asks.

\- I think you just take my breath away, Aaron – I say and he laughs.

He kneels in front of me - I don't know whether I should take it as a compliment or as an affront – he says.

I take a deep breath – It was definitely a compliment – I explain, swiping away the image from the past.

He stands up – You're good. I take it you won't need a doctor, am I right?

\- I'm alright, thank you – I say, standing up.

He smiles - I should go before I'll make you faint – he says.

I laugh – You can't be that good – I say.

He gives me a wide smile – Good Night, Hannah – he says, pulls me towards him unexpectedly and kisses again.

I gasp because this time he really takes my breath away – Aaron – I say when he pulls away and heads towards the door.

\- Don't forget to lock up before you go home – he says, turning towards me.

"And that's it? He's leaving now when I want more of him. Is he a monk? We're in the twenty- first century, Grant! I was waiting for you for the last three hundred years and you go home?!"

\- I'm going to call you tomorrow – he says, seeing me standing completely confused and shuts the door.

Chapter 26

June, 1942 - Poland

I stand silently in the office of Lieutenant Ralf Kruger and watch him signing some documents. He finishes and waves away his assistant who leaves immediately.

He looks directly at me - Have you brought the album with you? - he asks.

I walk towards his desk and give him an album with the samples of photos I've taken - There you go, Sir. I take a lot of portraits, but I prefer to take photographs of places - I say while he goes through the pages of the album.

\- You have a good eye, Soblewska. I like your photographs. I also like the fact you speak good German. It will spare me a hassle with interpreters. The question now is if you can do what you are asked for and keep quiet about it? - he says and closes the album.

\- Of course, Sir - I say confidently.

He lights up a cigarette and inhales deeply - I want you to document my daily activities at work and in my leisure time. It might be you will witness something... sensitive - he says and envelops in the cloud of smoke from another inhale of the cigarette.

\- I don't talk about the photographs I take for my clients. They are their possession after they pay for them. I'm quick to forget what I was photographing - I say seriously.

He gets up and walks towards the window – I'm glad to hear you understand what I meant. Are you married, Soblewska? - he gives me a curious look.

\- I'm engaged, Sir - I answer.

He takes another inhale of the cigarette - To whom?

\- My fiancé is a doctor.

He frowns – What is his name, Soblewska?

\- Adam Dubicki, Sir – I say and he moves anxiously like he remembered something.

\- Do you have a photograph of him? - he asks.

I approach him, take off my pendant locket and give it to him.

He takes it, opens it and looks at the photo - He's a handsome man, Soblewska. You're going to make a good- looking couple who should make good- looking children. Where did you meet? - he asks, giving the locket back to me.

I take a deep breath - We met a long time ago at the secondary school - I explain.

\- Why aren't you married by now? \- he narrows his eyes.

\- Adam graduated from medicine just before the war and says he still has a lot to learn. He spends a lot of time in the hospital. I have just taken over my father's studio and also want to learn a lot. I would like to take really good photos what requires time and effort. We got engaged last year and planning a wedding for the next year.

He sighs - Your fiancé is a good doctor. I met him once. Time will show how good you are at photography. Can you start today?

\- I didn't take my camera with me. I apologise, Sir.

\- Tomorrow then. My car will pick you up at seven thirty - he says.

\- That's very kind of you. Thank you, Sir – I say and smile at him.

\- You may leave now – he says and waves me away.

I leave his office, taking mental note of everything and everyone I see there.

It takes me two hours by tram to get back home and when I finally get off the tram I can see Adam, standing in the gate of the tenement house. He looks bored, but I know he is very alert.

\- How did it go? – he asks.

\- Get off my way – I say, angrily and walk around him.

He follows me on the staircase – Anna, stop – he grabs my arm and I turn around.

\- Let go of my hand, Adam, now – I say as quietly as I can fully aware my neighbours can hear us.

\- Let's go back to the gate – he says quietly and I decide to follow him.

\- You're a traitor! You can denounce me at this very moment if you want, but I will not talk to you again.

He shakes his head in disbelief – Why on earth would you think I'm a traitor? – he asks, surprised, and I don't know whether he's so good at pretending or whether I'm so bad at reading this man.

\- How a German officer knows some Polish doctor? They have their own medics – I explain.

He sighs, and I can see it's a sigh of relief – I've told you he likes girls, haven't I? – he asks.

I frown - You have. What does this have to do anything with the fact he knows you?

\- He likes girls, but puts his health at risk sometimes. He got some nasty disease from them and was too embarrassed to go to the German doctors. Instead, he came to our hospital, and I was the one who was treating him. Do you understand now?

I bite my lip – That's why you made up the story about us being engaged, right?

\- I wanted him to trust you, like he trusted me. I also didn't want him to touch you. He didn't touch you, right?

I shake my head – No, he didn't. He asked if I was married so I showed him your photograph and he recognised you. I think he will respect your fiancée.

\- Did he hire you? – he looks at me expectantly.

I nod - He is sending his car for me tomorrow.

He gives me a wide smile and for the first time I notice how handsome he is.

\- Anna, I'm glad the first part of the plan worked, but we need to be very careful now. I come here, and we take a walk or go to the café like engaged people do. You have to come to the hospital to chat with me from time to time. He will have people to track you, and we have to behave like people in love behave.

\- Ok. Do you want to take a walk now to check if I've been followed?

\- Sure - he smiles and takes my hand.

We go to the nearby park, and I make a report from everything I saw and heard. I can see he is alert and although he pays attention to what I say he looks for the signs of people who could've been sent behind me.

\- I think I saw that man over there on the tram – I say and point with my head to the left.

He walks me around and puts his foot on the bench to have a good view. I sit on the bench, and he lifts my chin up and corrects my hat – He pretends not to look at our direction, but he checks us up every couple of minutes. We will go back, and I am going to give you a farewell kiss. He has to see it. Are you alright with that? – he asks.

I can feel I'm blushing although I don't know why – Alright. One kiss on the cheek – I say.

He stares at me for a moment without a word and then he seriously asks – Am I so repulsive to you, Anna?

I make big eyes – No. Why?

He sighs heavily - Engaged people don't kiss on the cheek. I will kiss your lips. You won't slap me or faint or anything like that, right?

\- I kissed before, Adam – I say, indignant.

He smiles – Good, because my plan was to spend another five minutes explaining you how convincing kiss looks like, but since you've been on the path before I will spare my energy for the actual kiss – he says annoyed, and I burst into a laugh.

He watches me for a second, and I can see he made a note of something.

\- Why are you looking at me like that? – I ask when I finally stop laughing.

\- I think I'm going to actually enjoy that kiss because you have incredible laugh – he says, pulls me from the bench and kisses.

\- Adam – I say when he pulls away.

\- That was only a rehearsal. We'll get better in the gate - he says and starts walking.

\- You're a bastard, Dubicki. Has anyone told you that?

\- Yep, just now – he laughs and strengthens his grip.

We approach the street when a thunder pierces the thickness of the hot air. I jump like a child and he stops and gives me a surprised look – If I knew it's so easy to get you scared I wouldn't have sent you on this mission – he says, amused.

I give him an angry look – Ha, ha. Very funny - I say and put my handbag over my head when the first raindrops hit me in the face.

We cross the street in a hurry and run towards the gate in the heavy rain. He stops suddenly and pulls me towards him. I gasp when he kisses me again and I know that we aren't pretending anything because we really enjoy it. So we stand there in the rain playing an engaged couple and we are so good at this that people from the passing tram whistle at us.

\- That was a hell of a kiss, Adam – I say when we finally pull apart.

\- That was a hell of a girl I got to kiss, Anna – he says. – I will see you in two days – he adds and leaves me with that.

Chapter 27

June, 2017 - England

I stand in the bookstore window and fix the display when I notice him, standing across the street with arms folded and head tilted. He looks into my direction and for a minute I have an impression he is judging the display, but his expression changes and he lifts up his head and our eyes meet for a second. I give him a smile, finish with the display and go back behind the till. I hear the door being open when I process the customer's payment.

\- Thank you for your purchase and have a good day – I say to the customer who takes the book and leaves.

\- Hi, Hannah, how are you? - he says, coming towards the till.

I smile to him the same way I smile to any customer - Doctor Grant, it's nice to see you again - I say and take the book from another customer.

He moves over to give some space to the customer and waits patiently until I sort her out.

\- Are you alright, Hannah? – he asks when she leaves the bookstore.

I look at him, surprised – Of course I'm alright. Why?

\- I've been calling you all week – he explains.

\- Oh, that – I gasp. – I'm sorry, Aaron. I was very busy here, and I meant to call you back, but I just forgot – I say.

He frowns and then nods - I see. I've already thought you didn't want to see me again.

\- If I didn't want to see you again, I would tell you.

\- What about tonight? – he asks.

\- What about it? – I ask.

He smiles like he figured it out I'm playing him now – I left you a voice message, asking if we can have dinner tonight.

\- Oh, yeah. I remember now. I'm sorry Aaron, but I promised Luke to take him to the cinema. I can't cancel it now.

He bites his lips – I understand. That's not a problem. What about Saturday? Would you have dinner with me then?

\- I'd love to, but I've already booked horse- riding.

\- In the evening? – he asks, surprised.

\- In the afternoon, but then I'm staying with Bianca for a while. She hasn't been well for a while and they can't figure out what is wrong with her – I explain.

\- I'm sorry to hear that. Is there something I can do to help?

\- I don't think so, but thank you.

\- What about Sunday?

\- I'm going to my brother's birthday party.

\- I'll be away for the conference next week, so I really don't know when we could see each other again.

\- That's alright. Whenever you have time – I say and go to the door to close for lunch time.

\- Would you have lunch with me now? – he asks and follows me to the back where I put some books away to the shelves.

\- I have only a half of an hour. My next customer is coming to see the first edition at half past one. I'm sorry, Aaron – I say and turn around to face him.

He looks at me, and I can see he is hesitating for a moment, but finally he takes courage and says – You don't want to see me, Hannah. Do you?

\- I do want to see you, Aaron. I'm just busy now, that's all – I say and come closer to him.

He sighs – Can I call you by the end of the next week when I come back from the conference?

\- Of course. That would be great – I say and smile.

\- You won't make me stand like an idiot across the street wondering what I have done wrong, will you?

\- Aaron, I have never meant to make you wonder about that. You've done nothing wrong. I was busy, that's all.

He takes my hand – I'm glad. I wouldn't stand if I've done something wrong and you wouldn't tell me – he says and kisses my hand.

I can see him kissing my hand like that as Adam. We stand in the hospital corridor, and I'm giving him a handkerchief. He takes it, wipes my cheek and puts it into his coat pocket.

\- Hannah? Someone's knocking at the door – I can hear him saying what makes me to come back to the present time.

\- That must be the customer – I say and lead the way to the front door.

He exchanges pleasantries with the man waiting outside and smiles at me – Hopefully, see you next weekend, Hannah – he says to me and exits the bookstore.

I smile too - See you then – I say and close the door.

Chapter 28

July, 1942 – Poland

I finish taking photographs of his office furniture when he gets up from the chair and approaches me – What perfume are you wearing, Soblewska? I like it – he asks.

\- I'm not wearing any perfume, Mr Kruger. It must be the rose water I made this spring – I say and move over to take a photograph of his desk while he is not sitting there.

\- Hmm – he murmurs and comes back to his chair. – Take one while I'm sitting here - he says and makes a serious face.

I take the photograph – That's great, Sir. Thank you.

\- I'll go to the bathroom and then we can talk – he says, getting up and leaves the office.

I stand behind his chair and pretend I try to find a good angle to take a photograph of the commode standing by the wall just to try to read the document he left on the desk. I stop when he comes back.

\- Just a second, Sir. I found a perfect angle unless you want to be on this one too – I say to him and he obediently waits until I finish.

\- Have a sit, Anna – he says when I move over.

I take a chair opposite his – I like your office. It has good light. The photography is about good light and good angle – I say and smile at him.

\- Yes, I noticed you like taking photos. I also noticed you have a good taste and for this reason I decided you will take photos of my birthday party this weekend. I want you to dress nicely, smell as nice as today, and take photos without disturbing anyone. You need to be discreet, polite and do what you are asked to do. Do you understand?

\- Of course, Sir. How do I get to the party? – I ask.

\- My car will collect you – he says and waves me away.

I leave his office and go to the bathroom. I enter one of the cubicles and put down on my handkerchief what I've read in his document. I put it back into my handbag and leave the building as usual. I decide to go to Adam straightaway, so I take a tram to the hospital.

There are many patients walking the corridors, talking and smoking so I ask one of them where the doctor's offices are located.

\- The last door on the right – says one of the men.

I thank him and I am about to knock on the door when I hear Adam's voice behind me.

\- Anna, darling. What a nice surprise – he says and I turn around.

I smile wide seeing he is with another doctor – Adam; I thought I will make you a surprise visit. I hope you don't mind – I say.

\- I'm delighted. Doctor Malicki, let me introduce you to my fiancée, Anna Soblewska – he turns to his colleague.

I extend my hand, and he places a kiss on it – I'm pleased to meet you, Miss Soblewska. We've heard about you a lot – he says.

\- Likewise – I lie and give him a smile.

\- I will see you later on – he says to Adam, then nods to me and leaves.

I take a step forward – What a beautiful day, Adam. Would you take a short walk with me? – I ask.

He moves closer to me and says – Let's talk here – he shows a bench next to the window and takes my hand.

We sit close to each other, and he touches my cheek – You look nice today – he says loud enough to be heard by the passers. – What's it, Anna? – he asks quietly.

\- I read a document on his desk about some military action they are planning. It doesn't make sense to me, so I thought you may figure out what that means. I put everything I managed to read on the handkerchief – I say quietly.

He moves closer to me – Take it out and pass it to me on your way out – he says.

I nod understandingly and then bite my lips – You talk about me at work? – I ask.

He smiles proudly – When a man has a fiancée like I have he brags about her to his male colleagues all the time, Anna. You didn't notice how Malicki had to pick up his jaw from the floor – he jokes and I burst into a laugh.

\- You're enjoying this, aren't you? – I ask, taking the handkerchief out and passing it to him.

He kisses my hand and takes the handkerchief. He leans over and dries tears of laughter from my cheek – That's better. We don't want people to think I made you cry – he says and put the handkerchief into his coat pocket.

\- Doctor, I need your signature – interrupt us one of the passing nuns.

He takes a patient chart and signs it and says – I'll be with the patient in a minute – he says to her, and she takes the chart and leaves, giving us a smirk.

I get up from the bench and say – I should go now, Adam.

He gets up and puts his hands on my shoulders – I will see you during the weekend – he says.

\- I'm working at the party, Adam.

He frowns – What party? – he asks.

\- He asked me today to take photographs of his birthday party during this weekend. He wants me to look nice, smell nice, take photographs and do what I'm asked for – I explain.

He shifts, alerted – You shouldn't have agreed to this – he says seriously.

\- Why not? – I ask, surprised.

\- Because I don't like the idea of you attending his party. It might be he will have some girls to come over. I don't want you to be made to do something...

\- I can handle this man, Adam – I say.

He sighs – What if you can't? – he asks, and I can see he is angry now.

\- You sent me to him, remember? If I thought for a second, I wouldn't manage...

\- Doctor, the patient's getting worse – interrupts us another nun and I give her an apologetic smile.

\- I'll see you soon – I say to Adam and leave.

Chapter 29

June, 2017 – England

I sit on the bench and enjoy the midday sun while reading a book.

\- Is it interesting? – he asks, sitting next to me.

I take a deep breath and look at him – It's a guidebook – I say and close it.

He smiles - It must be engrossing – he laughs and gets up. – Do you mind if we go to the shade? – he asks.

I laugh and get up from the bench – You don't like it when it's so warm? – I ask, surprised.

He moves over \- under the tree behind the bench – I like it when I'm on holiday – he answers and unfolds a blanket.

\- Would you like to sit down? – he invites me to join him with the hand gesture.

I look at the basket he brought with him – Are we having a picnic in the park, Aaron? – I ask, sitting down.

\- That's right, Hannah – he says and takes out boxes of fruit salad for us.

I open it, and the smell of the fruits brings a memory of my late mother.

\- You don't like it? – he asks, watching me closely.

I take a deep breath – I like it. It just reminds me of my mum. She used to make us fruit salad lunches for school every Wednesday to mark mid – week – I explain.

\- My mother would give us sandwiches cut into squares all the time – he recalls with laughter.

\- Do you have siblings? – I ask, curious.

He nods – I have a sister and a brother. They are both older than me.

\- I wonder what kind of child you were – I say.

He tilts his head and then points at me with a plastic fork – My siblings would tell you I was very loud because I would cry all the time when they didn't want to play with me.

\- Why wouldn't they want to play with you? – I ask and lean against the tree trunk.

\- They were playing with their mates, and I was too small for that so I would cry because I had no one of the similar age to play with until my mother took me to the crèche and I made some friends there. Within a year we overtook the house, so my siblings had to change the headquarters.

I burst into a laugh, and he watches me for a second and then he moves closer to me and says – I love the way you laugh. You made my day when I heard you laugh for the first time.

I make big eyes – And when you heard me laugh for the first time, Aaron? - I ask.

He smiles – When you and one of the nurses were joking before your surgery – he explains and kisses me.

"I love the way you kiss me, but I can't tell you that, Grant, because your ego would burst from pride!"

\- Your breathing alright? – he asks, when we pull apart.

I bite my lips – Fresh air is doing an excellent job – I say.

\- The other option is I'm getting worse at it – he says and winks.

I tilt my head – You think you could do better than that?

He shakes his head – Don't challenge me in the park, Hannah – he says and comes back to his lunch.

I chew on a pineapple and say – I thought I saw you standing behind me and that nurse then.

He gasps – Oh, I didn't know that. What are you doing on Saturday night? – he changes the subject.

\- I don't know yet. It might be I will be with Luke. Why?

He puts salad away – Would you go with me to the concert if you weren't with Luke?

I lift my eyebrows in surprise – What kind of the concert? - ask.

\- André Rieu. Have you heard of him? – he looks expectant.

\- Of course. He is a violinist. I'd love to go if I'm not with Luke.

He smiles and moves closer again – I'm going to kiss you Hannah because I would never think of you as a classic music lover so you just made my day.

\- There are many things you would never think of me, Aaron. That's why they are called secrets – I say.

\- Your secrets are irresistible, and that's why I'm going to accept your earlier challenge here, in the park – he says, pulls me towards him and kisses again.

Chapter 30

July, 1942 – Poland

I move graciously among the guests who gather around the piano to see the owner of the voice whose clear vocal has been filling Kruger's residence since the party took off earlier in the evening. I close up my camera on her and take a good shot when Kruger's arm drags me on the side.

\- I want you to wait for me in my study. That's the second door on the left from the main entrance. I'll be with you in a couple of minutes – he says and gently pushes me towards the hall.

I enter the study and look around. There is a commode on the left with the range of alcohols on display and above it I can see a portrait of a beautiful woman in her mid-thirties. Her thick, dark hair falls in waves on her shoulder, and big blue eyes look in the distance.

\- That was my wife, Soblewska – I hear Kruger's voice behind me.

I turn around – She was beautiful – I say and move over.

He comes closer to the picture and looks at it for a minute in silence – She was the best thing that has ever happened to me – he says and turns back to her portrait.

He walks around the desk, standing in the middle of the room and sits in the chair – Take a sit – he invites me with the hand gesture.

I sit down in the chair on the other side of the desk – If you don't mind me saying this, Sir. It's a wonderful party.

He smiles – Thank you. I like the way you do your job, Anna. You are discreet, and that is the key thing to something I want to ask you for.

\- What is, Sir? – I ask.

He lights up a cigarette – I enjoy a company of girls from time to time. They are here today and I am going to join them after the party is over. But before I do that I want you to go over to my bedroom and take photographs of them. I'd like you to photograph them while they are undressing in front of you. You see, Anna. I like to see the photographs when the girls are not with me. I need a reminder of the well spent time. Do you understand?

I take a deep breath – I understand, Sir. Do you want me to take the photographs now?

He exhales a cloud of smoke – Yes. They know you are on your way. When you finish upstairs come back to the party and take a few more photographs of the guests. My bedroom is the third door on the left – he says and inhales a cigarette.

I get up and smooth my dress with a hand, but I stop as soon as a feel his hungry eyes on me.

He tilts his head – Dubicki is a lucky man, Soblewska – he says and waves me away.

I leave his study and go upstairs to find his two girls already waiting for me. I really don't know how to approach this task as I haven't taken photographs like that before.

\- You're Polish – says one of them to me, seeing my disorientation.

\- Yes, I'm Polish – I nod.

\- You haven't done this before – she says in Polish and gets up from the bed.

\- I haven't taken photos like that – I confirm.

She laughs – I didn't mean the photos – she says. – What is your name?

\- I'm Anna. I'm a photographer – I underline the last word.

She walks me around – People do what they are good at, Anna. You shouldn't be so judgmental.

I gasp – I wasn't judgmental. I'm a bit nervous as I've never done photographs like that before. Shall we start?

\- Alright. I'll start undressing, and you start taking the photographs. Watch me closely because you could learn valuable new skills today – she says and starts taking off her stockings.

I'm almost finished when Kruger enters the bedroom.

\- How is it going, girls? – he asks.

\- Marvellous, my dear. She's learning fast – she says and winks at me.

He looks at me and gives a satisfactory smile – If you keep my secret safe, I'll make sure you're settled for the rest of the war like the ladies here – he says and walks me around.

\- Ralf, do you want her to join us? – asks the other woman who was quiet most of the time I spent with them.

He shakes his head – Anna is engaged to a doctor. We want him to enjoy his wedding night without unwanted surprise, don't we?

I put my head up – I will get some more photos of the guests like we agreed earlier – I say and turn towards the door.

\- Soblewska – he says and turns me around – Do you want to watch? – he asks.

I smile apologetically – I'm sorry, Sir, but I wouldn't feel comfortable seeing you being intimate with the ladies. I hope you understand.

He sighs – If only you weren't Dubicki's fiancée – he says and shows me the door with the finger.

I turn around and slowly leave his bedroom. I go downstairs and take some photographs of the party and then I leave.

I'm in the darkroom when I can hear the doorbell. I open the door to see Adam, standing with another man.

\- Adam, what a surprise – I say and invite them in.

He hangs his hat on the hanger in the hallway – Anna, this is Daniel Bemowski. He works with us very closely, and you can contact him anytime in case of emergency. I wanted you to meet him – he introduces the other man who takes off his hat and shakes my hand.

\- It's nice to meet you; Anna – he says. – How did it go today?

I sigh and let them into the studio – It was alright. I took some photographs of the party so you can have a look yourself tomorrow.

\- Can you make a copy for us? – Daniel asks.

I nod – Of course.

\- Are you alright? – asks Adam suddenly.

\- I am a bit tired, but besides that I'm alright. Why?

He bites his lips – I don't know. You look like you were... disgusted.

I sigh heavily – I had to take some photographs I never thought he would ask me to take – I say.

\- What kind of photographs? – he asks.

I sit in the chair – He wanted me to take nude photos of some Polish girls he sleeps with – I explain.

\- Did you take them? – Daniel asks out of curiosity rather than the sympathy.

\- I did take them – I confirm.

Adam takes a chair opposite mine – Do you know the names of those girls? – he asks and lifts my chin up.

\- You cannot hurt these women, Adam. They will know it was me – I say to him.

\- They're collaborators – he says.

Daniel grabs his arm – Anna's right. We have to leave it like that. They will know how it came out. Let's concentrate on Kruger.

Adam sighs and gasps like he suddenly remembered something – Did Kruger touch you? – he asks me.

I shake my head – He asked me if I wanted to watch, but let me go when I told him I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

\- Do you want to quit now? – he asks and looks at me expectantly.

– I don't think I'm in danger. If I quit now he could get suspicious.

Adam gets up from the chair – Alright. Daniel will contact you next week about the photographs – he says and heads towards the door.

\- Do you know Café Yvonne? – Daniel asks.

\- I know where it is – I say.

\- If you need to contact me about anything go there and ask for "Badger". You mention this name, and they will let me know you need to see me immediately – he says.

\- I will remember – I say and smile at him.

\- Good bye – says Adam and they both leave.

Chapter 31

August, 1942 – Poland

I slowly walk toward the tram when two men in the uniforms get off the car and approach me.

\- Are you Anna Soblewska? – ask one of them in German.

\- That's right – I nod and smile at him.

\- Get into the car – he opens the door for me.

\- Has Mr Kruger sent you for me? – I ask, surprised.

He smirks – That's right – he says and pushes me inside.

I get in, and he sits down next to me while his companion takes the front seat.

\- Mr Kruger shouldn't have sent you. I like taking tram – I say to him.

He turns towards me – I'm sure he meant well – he says through pursed lips and lightens up a cigarette.

\- You're not a SS Officer. You are Gestapo Police – I say as a matter of fact.

He sighs – That's correct, Soblewska. Do you have something against us? – he asks.

\- Not at all. I'm just wondering why Mr Kruger has sent you instead of his driver – I explain.

He laughs – That's an interesting question, Soblewska. Maybe you'll get the chance to ask him yourself – he says and inhales a cigarette.

\- We're not going to Mr Kruger's office – I say, looking through the window.

He turns towards me and exhales a cloud of smoke – That's because we are going to the Gestapo headquarters, Soblewska – he says.

\- Do you want me to take photographs of your headquarters? – I ask, trying to stay composed.

\- No. We want to talk to you, Soblewska. That's all – he says when the car stops.

He gets off and waits for me. I get off the car and smooth my skirt with a hand.

\- Thank you, gentlemen, for a lift – I smile at him and he pushes me inside the building.

They lead me through the main door to a corridor full of policemen and secretaries and ask me to wait in front of the door of one of the many offices. I spent the waiting time on analysing what happened that I was detained. Has Kruger wanted me to get scared for declining his offer of watching him and his girls? Do we have a mole in the organisation? What on earth this is all about? I am about to take my jacket off when the door opens and a tall man in a uniform lets me inside.

\- Wait here – he says and shows me a chair.

\- Thank you – I smile at him, although I am shaking inside.

He turns on a lamp standing on the desk, rolls down all blinds and leaves.

I take my jacket off and wipe the sweat from my forehead when the door opens again and a short and obese man enters the office. He sits down opposite me and looks at me.

\- It's a hot day today. Isn't it? – he smiles at me, seeing I'm wiping sweat from my neck.

\- It is – I confirm and smile back.

\- I'm Lieutenant Philipp Schmitt form Gestapo Police. Have you been told why we detained you?

I shake my head – I don't understand. Nobody told me I was detained. I thought Mr Kruger sent a car for me.

\- He did send us for you. You see, Soblewska, Mr Kruger is very busy today undoing what you have done – he lights up a cigarette.

I frown - And what have I done? – I ask.

\- Your actions caused not only loss of transport of ammunition, but also fatalities, Soblewska. Mr Kruger has to sort out this mess now – he says calmly.

\- My actions? Lieutenant Schmitt, what on earth are you talking about? – I ask, surprised as I really don't know what he is talking about.

He gets up from the chair and walks around the desk – Why did you leave your business card at Kruger's office? – he asks, exhaling smoke of the cigarette on the back of my neck.

I shake it off – I was looking for more work, Lieutenant. People don't take as many photographs as before.

He comes back to his chair and looks at me – Where did you learn German?

I shrug – I had it at school.

He starts another cigarette – Who trained you? – he asks.

\- My teachers. Like I've just said I had it at school – I repeat.

He smirks at me – Who trained you for your spying work? – he asks.

"Oh, this has something to do with the document I read on Kruger's desk!"

I make big eyes – Spying?

He nods a couple of times – You're good at this, Soblewska, but you should learn how to cover your tracks. Kruger and his assistant were the only people who knew about the transport of the ammunition just because they were the only people who organised it. Our forces at the front have never received it because it was blown up on the way. Only Kruger and his assistant knew about the route. Oh, I forgot about you, the photographer who has been walking around Mr Kruger's office for the last few weeks. So if you were me who would you suspect?

I can feel the sweat running down my back – I had nothing to do with this, Lieutenant Schmitt. I had no clue about the nature of Mr Kruger's work when I first met him. Every soldier looks and does the same thing for me. War is a complicated men's business. I only take photographs. I wish I could help you with finding the culprit, but I don't know who caused that tragedy.

He sighs – It's the tragedy, indeed, Soblewska. I'm glad you recognise that, because you will be shot dead for causing death of the German soldiers – he says and gets up from the chair.

\- I had nothing to do with that, Lieutenant – I repeat, confidently.

\- To whom you report to? – he asks and sits on the desks that cracks under his weight.

\- I work for Mr Kruger, so I report any problems with the photographs to him – I say.

He winks at me – Is it your fiancé? Is it one of your clients? If you tell me this I will consider a work camp for you.

\- I don't know what are you talking about – I repeat, looking straight at him.

He leans, grabs my shoulder and extinguishes his cigarette on my skin. I scream, and he slaps me in the face, palms open and then gives a punch in the stomach. I fell from the chair, curl on the floor and cry from the pain. He lifts me up by my arm and puts me back in the chair.

\- Like you see, Soblewska you have no chances in this game. You protect whoever you want to protect for nothing. I will get to them too. It's a matter of time. In the meantime, I will beat you up every single day until you tell me the names of those Poles who think they can win this war.

\- I would tell you, if I knew who it was – I say slowly, choking on every word.

He takes out from the desk drawer, a sheet of paper and a pen – I will give you five minutes to get some air and to think your situation over. Put down the names and you will go to the work camp on the first train tomorrow. Play the game you're playing now and every single day I will repeat the beating. Bear in mind, I don't let people die too fast – he says, goes to the window, lifts the blinds and leaves the office.

I take a breath of fresh air coming in and then I use my suit jacket to wipe the blood from my face. My stomach feels like I was stabbed and I only hope the taste of blood in my mouth comes from the broken tooth not from it. And for the first time since the beginning of the war I feel I am going to be killed in it. Now, when I've finally done something valuable, when I felt I contributed to our fight I'm going to die and will not see how this all ends. And so I crumble the paper he left and wait for him to return and I tell myself I can go through this without screaming or crying because I will not denounce anyone. And I think of Adam with hope he managed to get away before they came for him.

Chapter 32

July, 2017 – England

I sit on the bench, watching Aaron squeeze through the crowd.

\- There you go – he says, handing me a soft drink.

I smile – Thank you.

\- Has that guy over there been a nuisance to you? – he asks, noticing an elderly gentleman watching us.

I smile – He hasn't been a nuisance, Aaron. His name is Thomas and he's just told me he noticed us as soon as we came because we look... - I break off.

\- How do we look? – he asks, curious.

\- We look like a couple in love – I finish and take a sip of my drink.

He sighs – Oh. That's nice of him. I kind of thought he was going to flirt with you behind my back – he laughs.

I laugh too, but not at his joke. Thomas looked at us because he used to be my grandfather in one of my previous lives so he came over and said that Aaron and I look like we were made for each other and that he was glad to see such a happy couple.

\- Would you like to dance? – Aaron asks suddenly.

\- I'd love to – I say and we join other couples who decided to dance in the main passage.

Thomas gives us the thumbs up sign when he sees us and Aaron gets really funny now.

\- I heard you, but I still think he's hitting on you – he says.

\- Oh, yeah? Are you actually jealous? – I laugh.

He stops for a moment and gives me a serious look – Hannah, when a man goes out with such beautiful woman like you are, he would have to be stupid not to be jealous – he says and I burst into a laugh.

\- The man could be my grandfather – I say when I calm down.

\- Could be. Robert Redford is three hundred years old now and you have a thing for him.

I gasp – I have a thing for him as an actor like men have it for actresses – I explain.

\- I don't have it for actresses – he shrugs.

\- So for whom do you have it? – I ask.

He stops again and looks me in the eye – I have it for you, Hannah – he says and I know he means that.

I feel that I'm blushing, although I don't know why – Since when? – I ask.

He takes a deep breath - Since you walked into my office for the first time – he says and I stop laughing.

\- Are you serious? – I ask.

He doesn't answer immediately, but takes my hand and kisses the scar on my wrist and I know he is not playing me now.

\- That almost destroyed me, Hannah. And the day I almost lost you in the theatre was the worst moment of my career – he says.

I stand there and look at him in disbelief, and I know I will never, ever tell him what the real reason he felt for me was.

\- Do you want to go home? – he asks.

I smile – Yes. Let's go home – I say.

Thomas comes over to us on our way back through the crowd – Are you leaving, Hannah? – he asks.

I gasp – Yes, Thomas. We are leaving. Oh, this is... - I break off, not sure how I should introduce Aaron.

\- I'm Aaron, Hannah's boyfriend – Aaron finishes for me and gives me a smile.

\- You're a lucky man – says Thomas, shaking Aaron's hand.

\- I'm fully aware of that, Sir – Aaron says while I laugh.

Thomas touches an arm of the woman who just came over to him - My wife had a phone call from one of our grandchildren so I couldn't introduce her to you when we were talking, but that's my Betty – he says with pride.

We shake hands with her and I can remember she was my grandmother. So they were my grandparents and they are married again in this life.

\- I hope Thomas wasn't a nuisance to you while I was on my phone – she says and Aaron gives her a wide smile.

\- Quiet opposite. He kept an eye on Hannah while I went to get something to drink – he says.

\- I told Hannah you two made a wonderful couple – Thomas says.

\- Thank you – we say at the same time.

\- Thomas, let them go. Don't be a nuisance – Betty tugs his arm.

\- You're alright – Aaron laughs.

\- It was really nice to meet you both. Enjoy the rest of the concert – I say and we leave.

Chapter 33

August, 1942 – Poland

I sit in the chair and watch Schmitt who's walking around the desk. He looks at me from time to time and shakes his head.

\- You had such a pretty, little face, Soblewska, and look at you now – he says and sits on the desk that cracks under the weight of his body.

I swallow hard – Lieutenant Schmitt, I've already told you many times I know nothing about that transport. If I knew I would tell you.

He sighs – If you think that Dubicki will come to your rescue you are wrong. I can only guess he recruited you, but once he got what he wanted he will sacrifice you. You mean nothing to him. He manipulated you.

\- Adam Dubicki is my fiancé. He is a doctor and we are happy together. Why don't you ask him yourself? – I say.

He smiles – I will.

I take a deep breath of relief knowing Adam has managed to get away. If they caught him, they wouldn't be interrogating me.

\- That's what we are going to do now. I will put you on the truck and send you away to the different detention. The officers there are not as nice as I am to you. After a week there, you'll be begging them to let you come back to me – he says and opens the door.

There are two officers standing on the outside, and one of them comes in and takes me by my arm. We walk through a corridor full of people in the uniforms and then we take the stairs to the ground floor. He pushes me through the back door to the yard where I can see people being loaded into the truck. He tells me to queue in and leaves. I wait patiently and when there is my turn to get on the truck one of the officer asks my name.

\- Anna Soblewska. I am a photographer to Lieutenant Ralf Kruger – I say and he tells me to go to the second truck.

I do what he says and when they finish loading people I can hear the engines being started. The movement of the vehicle makes me feel nauseous, but I breathe through it and after a couple of minutes I manage to get it under control. I close my eyes and lean against the truck's wall to get some sleep when I hear a strange whoosh sound coming from the street. The truck stops abruptly and someone opens the door. A man with a rifle shouts to us in Polish to get off the truck and run towards the truck that stands in the middle of the street. I hesitate for a second, but I decide to follow his order.

\- Hurry up – he says to me and helps me to get off.

\- Daniel? – I ask, recognising his face. – Daniel, it's me, Anna. We've met at my studio.

He looks at me in disbelief, and I realise that he can't recognise neither my face, nor my voice because I slur due to all the swelling.

\- You are "Badger" from Café Yvonne – I say and he gasps.

\- Adam, she's here! – he shouts to the man, loading people on the other truck.

Adam turns around and looks at us. I can see his face brightens up when he sees I'm alive and he smiles wide and moves towards me. I take a step forward when a strange, loud noise pierces the air and I see him suddenly stagger. He drops his rifle and falls.

\- Adam! – I shout and want to run to him, but Daniel grabs my hand and pushes me to the ground.

\- Damn it! I told him it was a bad place to take over the prisoners! – he shouts and shoots to the Germans.

\- I have to go to him – I say.

\- He's dead, Anna! We have to back up. Crawl under the truck now and don't move until I tell you! – he says, sending another series of shots.

I do what he says and wait until he joins me – We can't leave him like that! – I shout when I see the truck with the rescued prisoners is driving away.

\- We have to back up, or we are dead too! I'm going to send them a grenade, and you have to run to that building over there – he shows at the tenement house on our left.

\- We can't leave Adam! – I repeat.

\- He's dead! – he shouts.

I look at him - Maybe not. I have to go and see – I say.

He bites his lips – Anna! Run to the building when I throw the grenade! This is an order!- he shouts to me angry.

I nod – Alright – I say and he sighs with relief.

\- Ready?! Go now! – he shouts and throws a grenade.

I crawl out from under the truck and run towards Adam.

\- Anna! Damn it! – I can hear him swearing, but I know he follows me immediately.

He catches up with me and reaches Adam's first – He's shot bad but still alive – he says and lifts him from the ground.

We struggle with his unconscious body, but we manage to reach the truck and hide behind it without being shot at.

\- I'll throw my last grenade and then we drag him fast towards the building – Daniel says to me.

\- I understand – I nod.

\- Anna, this is our last chance – he looks at me expectantly.

\- You throw the grenade, and I start dragging Adam to the building – I repeat and he prepares for the task.

\- Now – he says and throws a grenade.

I start dragging Adam, and he joins me almost immediately. We are almost at the sidewalk when I hear a shot has been fired and I see Daniel's head bleed and he collapses in front of me. And then I hear a series of shots and I know I will never make it to that building so I give a sigh and when one of the bullets goes through my head I collapse on top of Adam's unconscious body. And in the last second of my life I know he is going to join me soon.

Chapter 34

July, 2017 – England

I sit on the couch while Aaron pours some wine into the glasses.

\- You liked that man – he says and hands me over my glass.

\- Who? – I ask when he sits next to me.

\- Thomas – he says and takes a deep breath.

I take a sip of wine – I did. He reminded me of somebody – I explain.

\- Yeah? Who? – he takes a sip of wine.

I bite my lips – He and Betty reminded me of my grandparents – I say. – Do you like it or do you want to listen to something else? – I ask, referring to the music I put on.

\- I like the music – he says and puts his glass away.

He leans and takes my glass away – I don't want any injuries here – he explains when I protest with my hand.

\- What are you going to do? – I laugh.

He winks – You'll see – he says and reaches behind me in to his jacket pocket. He fumbles for a moment and pulls out a small box out of it – I saw it the other day in the window and thought of you. I hope you'll like it – he says and hands me over the box.

\- Aaron, I don't think... I don't accept presents unless it's my birthday – I say.

He lifts his eyebrows – In that case accept it as an early birthday present. Your birthday is next month anyway – he says.

I hesitate for a moment – Alright. What is it? - I ask.

\- Well, open it – he insists.

I open the box and find an infinity bracelet inside – It's lovely – I say.

\- You told me you don't like when people notice your scar. I thought that the bracelet would cover it a bit.

I sigh and put it on – I haven't thought about that – I say and look at it. – Why did you choose infinity bracelet? – I ask.

\- Because you're infinitely beautiful, Hannah – he says and hands me over my glass of wine.

I take a sip and put the glass back on the coffee table – Thank you, Aaron, for the bracelet, but the complement was an overstatement.

He smiles – It wasn't. I didn't mean only your physical beauty, Hannah. I meant you as a person: your personality and energy. I haven't felt so good in someone's company for years – he says.

\- I'm glad to hear that – I say.

He looks at me for a moment, and I can see he is hesitating.

\- What is it, Aaron? You can tell me – I say.

\- Would you like to dance? – he asks and looks at me uncertain.

I burst into a laugh because I thought he was going to ask about sex – I'd love to dance – I say and get up from the couch.

He takes my hand, kisses it and starts dancing with me. And so we dance to the music and talk a bit and then suddenly he stops, gets serious and asks – Do you want me to stay tonight?

I nod and bite my lips because I've just thought he would never ask – I want you to stay tonight, Aaron – I say and smile.

And so I put all those memories of us from the past behind so the lives we had lived and the deaths that had put us apart couldn't overshadow the joy we find in the present time. And I'm glad he's finding his way back to me without knowing what we endured and sacrificed to come so far, without suspecting what a long journey it has been for both of us. And I hope it's the new beginning and the better end for us this time.

THE END

