-Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
-Thank you, Franny.
Can you say it?
Franny's younger than you.
How can -- she can say it
and you can't?
-Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
-Oh, Winnie, thank you so much.
We have a great show tonight.
All new.
-Starring Jimmy Fallon.
-Oh!
[ Laughter ]
You never said that before.
Uh-oh. Do you have anything else
you want to say?
-Poopy face?
-Let's just start the show.
-♪ We in the house ♪
-Tonight, join Jimmy
and his guests...
Ricky Gervais...
Billy Porter...
musical guest The Lumineers...
and the legendary Roots crew.
It's "The Tonight Show:
At Home Edition."
-♪ We in the house, y'all ♪
And now here's Jimmy.
-Hi, everybody. Welcome to "The
Tonight Show: At Home Edition."
My name is Jimmy Fallon.
I'm so happy to have you guys
watching the show.
It's Tuesday today,
and Tuesday I say
is just one day closer
to Friday, isn't it, though?
It's definitely not yesterday.
It is -- And it's
not quite tomorrow.
It's almost, though.
It's almost tomorrow.
It's basically Wednesday.
Let's just act like it's
Wednesday. But it's Tuesday.
It's great. Monday was great.
Done. Forward. Onward, upward.
That's what we're doing, okay?
We're in this together.
Let's make this work.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Hey, we're working with --
Salesforce really stepped up.
So any donation you make
to World Central Kitchen, okay,
Salesforce will match it
up to $250,000.
That's maje.
All you have to do --
There's words
on the back of this.
Text "Meals" to 80100.
And then that will be --
There's something else
on the back of this. Sorry.
-What is it?
-I don't know.
It's something for you.
-[ Laughs ]
-Sorry about that.
Winnie drew on the back.
-A love note?
-It's a love note.
This is not my handwriting so --
-[ Laughs ]
Something you want to tell me?
-Interesting.
-Yeah, it is interesting.
Okay, so, alright, that is that.
We have a good show tonight.
We'll get to that.
But first, let's get
to some jokes.
Guys, it is week seven
of the quarantine,
and we're running out of ways
to entertain the kids.
Today, my wife and I
told the kids
to go outside and try
to find Kim Jong-un.
Rumors continue to swirl
about whether Kim Jong-un
is dead or alive.
It's crazy. Who knew Kim Jong-un
would turn into this
generation's Tupac, you know?
Yesterday, President Trump said
he knows Kim Jong-un's condition
but can't talk about it now.
In response,
Trump's entire staff
told him to pretend
the coronavirus is Kim Jong-un.
But today, South Korean
officials said
they know the whereabouts
of Kim Jong-un.
Yeah, they think he's developing
his new rocker persona,
Chris Jong-Gaines.
Could be.
This is nice. I saw that
Facebook and Instagram
are holding a big multi-hour
graduation ceremony
for the entire class of 2020.
Sounds cool until they start
reading the names
of everyone graduating
this year.
Aaron Aaronson.
Aaron Aaronton.
[ Laughs ]
Aaron Aaronwon.
A virtual graduation will
feature appearances by Oprah,
Miley Cyrus, Lil Nas X,
and former Ohio governor
John Kasich.
Kids were like, "OMG, former
Ohio governor John Kasich!
Are you kidding me?"
I read that a Girl Scout's
branch just received federal aid
to make up
for lost cookie sales.
Yep, the quarantine
has been tough on Girl Scouts.
So if you can get
some Girl Scout cookies,
please order some.
But also to try and boost sales,
the Girl Scouts are releasing
some new
limited edition flavors.
For instance, there is
Used-to-be-Thin Mints.
Then there's Tag-Alones.
There's also Do-Si-Don't
Touch Your Face.
Then there's Zoomacaroons.
And, of course,
Presidential Bleach Bites.
Next, there's S'more Time
Homeschooling your Kids.
Who couldn't use that, huh?
There's also
I-think-I'm-about-to
Ginger Snaps.
And, of course, their
best seller, Liquor-Doodles.
Good luck, girls.
They all sound like winners.
Listen to this.
I read that secret salons
are now opening up
around the country.
100 years ago, the mob
was operating speakeasies.
Now they're like,
"You need a perm?
You should go to this address.
Okay?
Okay, we got manis,
we got pedis.
What do you want? Mani/pedi?"
This isn't good.
In North Carolina,
a dog has tested positive
for COVID-19.
So if you thought teaching
your dog how to shake was hard,
good luck teaching him
how to elbow bump instead.
Do dogs have elbows?
And finally, I saw
that U.P.S. is using drones
to deliver medication to a
retirement community in Florida.
So don't panic
if you see a bunch of old people
screaming at the sky,
"Where's my pills?"
That is our monologue,
everybody.
Oh, man, we have a good show
for you tonight.
The very funny Ricky Gervais
is on the show.
I asked Ricky what charity
he wanted to go to. He said,
"I just don't want to play
a game on your show.
I just don't want
to play a game."
And -- That's not --
That almost sounded like --
Who is -- Jason...
Statham. I don't sound like
Ricky Gervais.
"Ricky Gervais
doesn't sound like that.
That's more like Jason Statham,
like that.
He talks like that.
Yeah, what you doing?
What's your name?" Jimmy?
"Yeah, Jimmy's not a name
for an adult man, is it?"
No? James?
"That's better. Jim."
Alright, call me Jim.
"What you do?"
I'm, like, a talk-show host.
"Don't really like chat shows."
'Cause he said that to me once.
But Ricky Gervais is on
the show, and he loves to laugh.
I love playing games with him,
because he doesn't like
to play games with me.
So I think that's
what makes it fun.
Also, gosh,
Emmy-winner, Tony-winner,
Billy Porter on the show.
Actorsfund.org.
He's probably won more awards,
as well,
I'm probably not listing,
but I do love Billy Porter.
I will say he definitely wins
at the red carpet.
I mean, that dude just scores.
He's unbelievable. I love him.
I mean, the hat that opens up?
[ Whistles ]
That was the best move.
And we got great,
great, great music.
Man, we love them.
The Lumineers are on the show,
and we love The Lumineers.
Let's see, they're doing
"Salt in the Sea"
from their album "III."
But this is what they're doing.
They're working with MusiCares,
and they have
a COVID-19 relief fund
for folks in the music community
affected by the pandemic.
So you text "Lumineers"
to 41444,
or you text "Meals" to 80100.
This is the new way to donate.
Just do that.
Your phone will take care
of the rest of the stuff.
It's amazing stuff, guys.
You'll be helping
a lot of great people.
You know, it's Tuesday.
There's no real thing
of what we're actually doing on
our show. There's no set things.
But now and then
we like to have a routine,
but this one thing
we started doing,
'cause I have no guests
and everything.
And -- We do have guests, and
it's great now. It's awesome.
But when we first started,
I asked my wife
if I could ask her
some questions,
'cause she's our camera person,
and she does not want
to be on camera.
But for this,
she'll make the exception,
just 'cause we're here, we're
home, we're trying our best,
we're doing our stuff.
So this is "Ask the Fallons."
You had questions for me,
my daughters, my wife.
You had silly questions.
You had personal questions.
We're down with all of them,
so, we appreciate them.
So now I'm going to go
for a safe walk around my house
with a mask, with my wife.
This is "Ask the Fallons."
-♪ Ask the Fallons,
Ask the Fallons ♪
-Okay, here we are.
This is "Ask the Fallons."
Thank you very much. You sent in
a bunch of questions.
We have the masks on.
-Yes.
We are going to be very careful.
-If we see any people,
we have to put the mask --
-We're putting them on.
-Yeah. I'm going
to hang one from the ear.
-I'm just not going to do that.
-Okay.
-[ Laughs ]
-Alright. Ready?
-Yeah.
-Alright.
Nancy, you said last week
your dream is to open a store.
What kind of store?
-Um, that's probably why
the dream hasn't happened yet.
[ Chuckles ] No, my store
would be a treasure store,
vintage, one-of-a-kind
things, gifts.
Not expensive, not annoying,
but just a place you could
go in and just find,
like, the best painting
that you were looking for,
that one-of-a-kind
original pencil holder
from someone a long time ago,
that kind of stuff.
Not clothing. Just --
-Not new stuff?
-Not new.
-But a gift shop?
-Loved.
Things that
have been loved before.
-Oh, okay.
-Not really a gift shop,
but yeah, a place you --
It would probably have
a very specific customer,
like me. [ Laughs ]
And then I'd have to
give everything up.
-How did you know you were ready
to have kids?
-We were ready
when we got married.
I got married later in life.
And you love kids,
and I love kids.
And --
-That was always
the plan, right?
-That was just the plan.
It wasn't even a, like,
"Are you ready?"
It was just, like, "Now
how are you going to do this?"
And that was
a whole other question.
[ Laughs ]
-Yeah.
-But we did it!
-That was an interesting time.
-Yeah. So that was
five -- five years
of really, really, really,
really, really deciding
not to give up and to --
At a certain point, it just
had to become almost like a job,
'cause it's way too emotional to
live emotionally through that.
So you just keep going
and going and going.
And if you really
want something,
you just make it happen.
And you have all these things
where you go,
"Yeah, but I would
never do that.
Yes, but I would never do that.
But I would never --
And then all of a sudden,
you're like, "Hey, I'll do that.
If it's for my family,
I'll do anything."
So I think if anyone's out there
having the dream,
do not give up.
Because I realize, too,
that unlike even becoming
like a multi-billionaire,
you can stumble upon
a lottery ticket and win it
and win the lottery.
But you will not ever
stumble upon a child
that will -- you can love
and have as your family.
So don't give up.
Take bad weekends.
Every time we got bad news,
we would go away
for one weekend.
And --
-We went away a lot.
-And then we went away
a lot, yeah.
And some times
were easier than others.
But then we'd just get right
back -- back up.
-Gosh, that was just crazy, man.
That was nuts at one point.
-Yeah, it is --
-It was just shots and things...
-Oh, yeah.
-...and drinking weird teas.
Do you remember that one?
-Oh, I cried 3, 14 times a day.
-Yeah, me, too.
I was --
-Just smelling this tea.
-I was sleeping upside down.
I was dangling from my --
from -- My feet were attached
to the ceiling.
I had magnets in my underwear.
-Yep, the whole --
-Still do, man.
-Yeah, those magnets
are still working, I think.
[ Both laugh ]
-You know,
I was stuck to the fridge.
I was stuck to the fridge
for four days --
four days last week,
no one found me.
[ Both laugh ]
-Oh, that's where you were.
-Yeah.
But then all the things kind of
just -- everything kind of --
Opportunities come up,
and you have to, like, decide,
is this the path you want to go?
And, gosh, it was the best move
we ever made.
-So lucky, yeah.
-We are so lucky.
We have two beautiful girls.
-Yeah.
-And, yeah, couldn't be --
-Couldn't be happier
and more lucky
and more in love with them
and each other.
[ Laughs ]
-They are the best things ever.
Someone put on there,
"What advice did you take
when you had kids?"
-Ooh, I know. Take no advice.
-Yeah. Wait, that was my answer.
-Oh, whoopsie. Uh...
[ Laughter ]
-I would say do not take
any advice from anyone.
-Yeah, listen, you'll know.
Our guts know. We know. Just --
-We got so many books.
-Don't overdo it.
Don't -- Yeah, no,
I didn't read one book.
-So many books and things.
-No, no, no.
-Monks raising babies and --
-If you don't follow your gut...
-I read a little bit
of that one.
-...you're going
to lose your mind,
actually quite literally,
'cause you won't really
know what to do,
and your instincts
won't kick in.
You'll just be dulling
your instincts.
No one really knows.
-No one knows.
-Just do the best you can.
Do -- And do it from love,
and keep your sense of humor,
and take deep breaths,
'cause they do help.
-Should we do one more?
-Sure.
-If you could have dinner with
any three people, alive or dead,
who would they be?
I say three people's the max,
no matter who they are,
alive or dead.
-Yeah, he does say that.
-I can only do --
I can say four.
-When he gets invited to dinners
of like six people --
-No, no.
-He being the sixth --
-I can't do that.
It's too much work.
-[ Gasps ] Oh, sorry,
bunnies everywhere.
My -- I have, of course,
the long list of heroes.
But the real truth to this,
it's so funny,
and so I was thinking about this
the other night
is I would love my mom
to have met Jimmy.
So it would be my mom.
Pammy Pam.
-You assuming that
I'm coming to the dinner?
-Yeah, it's you and Mom.
[ Both laugh ]
Just Mom to talk about you,
actually.
You can come for half of it.
-Mom and Abraham Lincoln.
-And then I want her opinion.
-Mom, Abraham Lincoln, and me.
-Abraham Lincoln, Maya Angelou,
Jane Goodall, and you.
And that's a good party.
-Oh, that's too many people.
-I'm going,
but now you won't come
'cause there are
too many people there.
Yeah, you got to split it up.
Me, Maya Angelou, and Lincoln.
We're having our own thing,
and we'll Zoom --
We'll Zoom party --
-You'll Zoom over with --
-To you and your --
-Me and Mom.
Mom and me.
[ Both laugh ]
-Alright. Did we do it?
-I think we did it.
-I think we did it.
-Did our max.
-That's it.
-Everybody, stay strong.
-Yep. Thank you, everybody.
