 
# Learning Disabled Adults Achieve Success-Proven Methodology

# By Jon Van Loon

# Copyright Jon Van Loon 2013

# Smashwords Edition

#

# Forward

This Book is unique from comparable offerings since the writer is actually a learning disabled adult, a science professor

Why have I written this book after having already published 2 successful eBooks on Learning disabilities? I discovered that these already published volumes were acutely slanted to youth and the learning and related problems incurred during life through classroom stages ending in the late teens, early 20's. Adult's who chose to read my already published books often because one or more of their progeny were diagnosed as leaning disabled, contacted me to query whether their own problems might also be related to having a learning disability. Yes learning disabilities are often hereditary. Thus this present book originated.

As stated this book is uniquely different from most others, it having been written by an actual person who has a severe learning disability. Not only that but despite my problems I have developed strategies such that I achieved high level academic and professional success. Like you I have dealt with typical problems daily from youth through adulthood and hence provide a superior dimension unavailable to those trained experts in the field who have never lived this scenario.

Most importantly please note that the structure of this volume for special learner adults is unusual. I have inserted much relevant material from my former books altered where necessary so that it relates to adults with learning challenges. Additionally I weave in stories often from other venues that are useful in building on the themes that constitute the fabric of my arguments.

Have you attained adulthood and wondered why you possessed traits that made it difficult during your formative and vocational years to learn by conventional methods? You might have an undiagnosed learning disability.

Despite these problems many who are thus burdened have obtained tertiary degrees or other degrees and diplomas and then gone on to be successes in professional life. Others with these difficulties may have abandon education at some stage along the way but still have gone on to have highly successful professional lives. Many adults suffering with learning difficulties and related problems are daily engaged in a struggle just to combat their routine difficulties and retain motivation at home, work and to interact in society. This book is for all of you.

The phrase 'Learning Disabled' is used in this book title only because it is the standard and familiar designation relating to those of us who have experienced difficulties learning in the conventional manner. This phrase has become the moniker of choice for anyone that has demonstrated visual and/or auditory memory and other problems identified as being associated with the conventional learning process. Another common but now less utilized term for those of us in this category is 'Dyslexia'. This latter term used for many years after the discovery by Orton in 1937 of these problems, actually roughly translates as reading blindness and hence covers only a fraction of the discipline. Rather than use terms that have a negative and often in the minds of the general public derogatory connotations, I prefer to call us 'Special Learners'. Thus I have opted wherever possible to designate those of us known publically as Learning Disabled in this book as Special Learners or having Learning Challenges, terms I have justified in earlier eBooks on this subject that were geared mainly for those of student age. I particularly like these terms in referring to adults with such difficulties since many have devised either knowingly or unknowingly special strategies for learning and have as already mentioned, become well educated and career successful.

The reader will have noted the term 'us' as used above. At the age of 44 I was tested and found to have profound learning problems that were then called learning disabilities. Thus for reference purposes and to justify my qualifications to write a book with the phrase 'proven method' contained therein here is an account of my status as a special learner.

Despite all the bravado expressed below I went through significant stages of my life in which I truly hated myself. I blamed myself for having all these atypical problems that set me apart from most of the rest of the crowd. Even after I was tested and found to be learning disabled these feelings still crop up.

Early evidence that I was unusual was a low IQ measurement (96), made letter and number reversals, had poor reading retention together with serious spelling problems, messy hand writing-actually I have to script in printing as I cannot write-trouble concentrating, have poor social skills and yet a higher level of achievement in other ways. These traits although not unique, were a mixture that is included within a larger list of disorders that type Learning Disabilities.

The phrase learning disability includes other learning related problems, just as significant as reading difficulties (dyslexia). In my own case but after struggling to achieve a PhD and Tenured Professorial position at the University of Toronto, I was tested and found to have a 40th percentile visual memory and a 60th percentile auditory memory. The result was/is that I cannot remember material read in the normal way and my spelling, grammar and syntax are all at a Grade 9 level. Computers have become the accepted and virtually the only means of realizing written communication and I am able only to type with one finger. Even then I often spend several second intervals trying to locate the next desired letter on the keyboard. Additionally I spell phonetically and can't often tell when a letter should be double or single, eg. familly or family. Strangely after I find a letter on the keyboard I frequently hit the adjacent one or leave out a letters entirely. A particular frustrating and sometimes fatal (in math calculations) ramification is my preponderance to letter and number reversal. When I look at my work using Microsoft Word and see the ubiquitous misspellings, boldly defined by a red underscore I employ Spell Check. Sometimes this tool is unable to provide any assistance because of my weird phonetic conception of word letter sequencing and composition. A good example of this is when I tried to spell "seizures" which I typed as caesures, phonetically. Spell Check was of no assistance. Then "Hey Maureen, how do you spell caesures", then rings loudly down the hall to my wife's room. Always undiscovered by the digital aids Incorporated in word processors is my frequent unjustified and mystifying use of capital letters at the beginning of a word in the middle of a sentence. The Mind is a strange entity because I have achieved a reasonable vocabulary (memory phenomenon). However I must admit this is augmented frequently, by the word processor thesaurus provided by the phenomenal free software "Clever Keys". I also have weird memories from bygone times, like a blade of grass sticking up through the snow in a field from my childhood. Yet I have no memory of ever being kissed by my doting mother.

Simply as a means to provide verification that I am a successful writer despite my disabilities and hence qualified to write a valid book that could be useful to other learning disabled adults, I cite the following as examples. My research some years ago as a Full Professor at the University of Toronto resulted in the invention of 2 unique devices (detectors for chromatography) for use in environmental and clinical work. Also I am the author or co-author of 7 research text books in my field that were peer reviewed and printed by major publishers. Of course with the rapid advances in research today all this and a couple of dollars might today get me a latte at Starbucks.

Complicating my life as a special learner I am Bipolar, (Manic Depressive- as it once was more descriptively termed). It is not uncommon to have multiple disabilities. Again this was not definitively discovered until my 40's. Prior to that epiphany I was treated with high doses of the drug, Valium. Sometimes even injection doses were required when I was from time to time admitted to Mental Wards. This occurred when suicidal tendencies erupted during instances of extreme frustration.

As a point of interest I have written a free eBook on this mental/emotional challenge. There is something in this book that might intrigue the present reader and that is how I used the manic periods in which I most commonly reside to propel me further towards my goals. This book entitled "Bipolar Dash to Accomplishment-A Challenge" downloadable free from smaswords.com or from most e-Reader stores.

# 

# Introduction

Many stories exist where handicapped people have excelled in adult life and I salute these, but I believe that many more could. In fact it is my view that a handicap can actually be a stimulant to encourage a performance in life that will be well above average. When a person is presented with the realization that they have a built in, intellectual, physical or mental impediment one of two things can occur, either resignation to some supposed limitations will be made, or a toughness and strength of determination to succeed can by activated. My strong conviction is that the latter could and should more commonly be the case.

By telling my own sometimes, bittersweet, mostly driven, often amusing, (the manuscript is peppered with amusing stories from my life) nonlinear, story and views, I want to demonstrate that even the most seemingly unachievable goals are not only attainable but can often be exceeded. That is not by any means to belittle a disability or to suggest that handicaps won't frequently lead to dismay. That was why I used the term "nonlinear" to describe aspects of my own promised tale. Why should I dare to compose such a compendium considering the thousands of other successful disabled people in this world? Perhaps it is because I feel a little unique in that I have more writing experience than most. As will be seen, the mere fact that I am able to write is the attaining of a goal which many who have been likewise sideswiped by a "disability" could not do.

In attempting such a presentation it is important as I have above, to dispose of the facts of my disability in a fast, efficient, manner in order to achieve a quick run to the convictions, goals and motivational stories. However the trademarks of my problems will sometimes have to reappear scattered among the mainly upbeat message in the following chapters. Herein will contain tales emanating from my life in Canada and while working and living in fascinating and often challenging jurisdictions encompassing all the worlds Continents except Antarctica.

The material herein should also be of interest to anyone who enjoys a tale of a good struggle with life and the laughs, sorrows and adventures that are bound to occur. There is also plenty of interest for people who have a curiosity about the type of world we inhabit both relating to its citizens, the environment and the biosphere as it exists now and during the periods of my visits abroad as well as my "research-based" views on our future.

It is probably important to admit from the beginning that I am a scientist, but one who enjoyed as much of the other aspects of life as he could. Thus my mind was not only centered on theories, research and their application pertaining to the world's betterment but also on the fascinating peoples, events and nature as this kaleidoscopic scenery moved from position to position. As I write I am 76 years of age and have many of the problems that aging entails, none of which is worth enumerating in detail. Suffice it to say that that like many of my lofty age I imagine that my present appearance and physical abilities are much as they were in my 50's until I have the misfortune to look at a recent photo, catch sight of myself in the mirror or try to climb a few flights of stairs.

###### Multiple Disabilities

Such are not uncommon. Thus the reader should be certain that the learning challenge she/he has outlined does not contain factors relating to another disability

This is a very personal example of a factor important to my success. You may or may not need some medical assistance for other conditions to aid your quest for high level achievement.

Throughout my life I had periods where purchases of a single type of item became an obsession, so much so that I would find myself with countless objects of the same identity among my possessions. As a youngster electronic equipment scattered my room, from which radios of different types emerged. In those days electronics consisted of high voltage components in circuits with high current flow so I was fortunate that I did not electrocute myself in ignorance. In later years I acquired "sick" short wave radios for next to nothing and spent hours in their repair. For a while I bought dozens of coats. Then sweaters became the item of choice. At one time I discovered I had 50 pet birds in aviaries in the basement. Most of these were Australian parrots and finches. Next cameras became the dominant subject of my desire, resulting in over 10, mostly of poor quality or of a vintage that was discontinued and for which film was unavailable. Those days were spent in pawn brokers negotiating cheap prices on dusty old stock. Today I am wrapped up in computers, purchasing new and old styles alike always with an application in mind or with a repair challenge. Through these years and still continuing, Maureen suffers severely with my mania and tries her best to keep me in check. One gambit was to restrict me to one credit card with a low upper limit.

When I reached middle age my present psychiatrist decided this behavior suggested Manic Depression (Bipolar). Lithium is the treatment of choice and 2 tablets a day were prescribed. This decreased some of the problem feelings that I described as a major behavioral impediments in Chapter 1. Of course there were no improvements in learning disability problems. However I was beginning to shake so badly after 3 weeks that I could not hold plates and cutlery. This was a lithium side effect and different medication with less side effects was prescribed. I still have serious manic tendencies but depression has been reduced

# Your Lexicon

Optimism, Motivation and Hard Work

Are Your Keys to Success

Never Look Back on Negative Issues

Make Each Day Count

Let Nothing Block the Road to Your Goals

Consider being a Special Learner as an Exciting

CHALLENGE!

# 

# Chapter 1

# Defining Your Challenge

_Gun shots and mortar fire rang out in all directions_. _Yellow flames flashing_ _in the darkness as I raced for the hotel door Streets were crowded with trucks and cars filled with flag-waving and shouting belligerents. My first evening in Brazil cowering in the middle of a full scale insurrection!_

I had been somewhat taken aback and made a little bit nervous by Toronto newspaper reports, just before my departure for Brazil on a United Nations scientific mission, describing unstable governments and some fighting in a few Central and South American countries. But I finally passed these stories off as not relevant to the Brazilian situation.

It was impossible to communicate with the hotel staff in my typical Brazilian style hotel because no one spoke English. So I had no information on what was happening and what I should do. I tore up the stairs to my room and sat quaking on the bed amid the din and reverberations reaching me from the street.

Suddenly the ringing phone jolted me back to reality. I picked up the receiver expecting an explosion of unintelligible Portuguese. Instead a friendly American male voice was saying with conviction, "Welcome to Campinas. How are you enjoying your first evening in Brazil?"

" _Enjoying?" I stammered, "There's a bloody revolution underway down here with real guns, mortars, running crowds, racing cars and flags!"_

" _Oh" came a soothing but bemused voice. "That's how the inebriated local fans celebrate a football match victory in Brazil."_

Confusion, over reaction and lack of understanding of a very new type of phenomenon, distorted my view of this occurrence. Such is typical of someone like me and perhaps would apply to you when suddenly faced with a new dynamic in an unfamiliar jurisdiction. This type of confusion is common amongst those of us as special learners incapable of quickly evaluating unfamiliar, confusing situations.

##### Conventional Learning Methods Don't Work and there are numerous Annoying Related Problems Besides!

Adults who have daily struggled to do their job under the duress of being an undiagnosed special learner (learning disabled) have usually long before concluded that conventional methods of learning have failed them. In addition there are related problems that exacerbate this issue. It is important to make an assessment of those factors that you feel are causing learning and related difficulties which result in these daily adversities. This must be done in order to discuss and devise compensation procedures.

In my view a disabled person just accepting his/her fate and falling back on pleas that they should receive special compensation type of treatment because of this problem to prevent abuse by employers and others is not an option! This is indeed a corner stone of this book.

However it is important to admit that even I have once or twice fallen badly short of my avoid principle as just stated and I must admit this error. Thus the following story, a very poor judgment on my part, is an example of the futility and wrong mindedness I discovered was inherent in such an approach.

One summer very early on in my career, a University departmental chairman wrote to inform me that my new assignment that fall would be to teach a second-year analytical chemistry course. This is one of the courses that all students must take to obtain a specialist degree in chemistry. By the time his letter caught up to me in Australia a month had passed. I made an urgent phone call from Australia to try to persuade him that I would be unable to handle this assignment. Unfortunately, I was not able to connect with anyone except his secretary. After several more unsuccessful attempts I stated the following to his secretary:

_Please tell [the Chairman] that, because of my learning disability, I have no background material in my memory to allow me to tackle this subject on such short notice. Further, I would have to teach myself up to the level of this course before I could even attempt to start writing the lecture material. Then it would be essential for_ me _to prepare slides and overheads. All this, would require at least 6 months"._

I received the reply that, even after she had spoken to the Chairman, he still insisted that I should indeed teach this course.

It may seem strange to the reader, and even more so to the departmental administrators, that I, a Ph.D. in chemistry, could not easily teach this second-year course. This would appear even more to be the case when one considers that analytical chemistry is my specialist field and I had for several years taught the fourth-year analytical course. What difficulty could I possibly have? The problems devolved as follows:

The second-year course contains a large segment of material relating to the solving of complicated mathematical-chemistry word problems. These usually consist of several lines outlining the problem. By the time I reach even the second line I have forgotten the material in the first line. I was not given enough time to teach myself up to the beginning of the course. Additionally, I did not have sufficient time to prepare the lecture material Then, I did not receive adequate time or facilities to make up rigorously checked slides and overheads. There were to be fifty or sixty students in the course and because of my own difficulty with the material I could not give this number of student's adequate help. Because I was being forced to teach this course, a mood of extreme desperation swept over me. My worst fear was that the students would discover that the professor could not handle some of the material himself. Additionally, errors in material being presented because of reversals, missing segments of equations, misspellings and misrepresentations were bound to occur on the blackboard since my usual set of closely vetted teaching slides would not be ready in time.

This then demonstrates the serious lack of understanding that most people have of the learning disabled. People with learning difficulties are frequently expected to accomplish "impossible" tasks with no recourse for understanding. No wonder there is a sense of severe frustration and even of hopelessness among people like us that are so afflicted. As if all this is not disturbing enough, what about a professor who made an error in a final examination! I once gave a chemistry exam in which there appeared a question requiring a relatively simple algebraic calculation. This exam was held in a large hall seating about 200 students doing a variety of different exams. Part way through, one of my own students, in a loud voice, announced that he thought some important piece of data for the calculation-based question was missing. I told him to be quiet and finish the rest of the exam while I worked through this one to check on his query. I began the calculation. Part way through I realized I couldn't finish. I struggled and struggled, but without success. In desperation I dashed three blocks to my office to get the solution. You guessed it, the student was correct! I had left out crucial data!

This frustrating experience should not have happened, not because of its failure but because I should have realized that even if I had succeeded in my quest not to have to do this teaching at least 2 problems would be created. First I had given in to the idea that my problems were debilitating enough to warrant special treatment. Secondly I gave the unintentional but wrong impression that my detractors were correct in their assumption that I was not capable at the level expected of an academic at the highest level. I am now forever embarrassed that this letter was ever written and for the error I missed on the exam question.

This incident cemented in my mind that disabilities in adulthood must be continue to be treated as an ongoing challenge to complete the formula to excel at this new level. It meant I could not get by with youth level skills as my total arsenal for coping in adulthood. Additional skill coping techniques could and must be developed as certainly as I had proven could be and was done in achieving my high level education.

## Our Disability Details Must Be Clearly Defined

##

First it is essential to have an in depth picture of what details of the problem are. Thus we must either do a self assessment or perhaps have a professional perform testing. Then we can compile a handwritten or computer file of the problems that are causing the struggles and that will require remediation. But before commencing on either approach read the following story.

What were the defining factors that I would list as defining my problem? It was certainly not the day a frustrated public school teacher threw a blackboard brush bouncing it off my head, after ripping up the unintelligible title page of my assignment. Nor did acquiring a mark of -29 in a typing test initiate my feelings of angst. Then what about achieving a rating of 98 on an IQ test? No, my unidentifiable "stupidity" was revealed much before these incidents.

My vocational dilemma emerged simply enough. Yes its roots were back in my childhood struggles.

In grade 4 I was still unable to spell straightforward words such as their and always correctly, in marked contrast to the rest of the class who had ceased such errors. Even after much practice with my harried but sympathetic mother, no matter how hard I tried, these words most often appeared spelled as thier and allways. Ever try solving arithmetic equations with a likelihood of number reversal or dropping terms as happened to me when executing a lengthy solution? Even on lined paper my assignments seemed fated to have written material slanted at odd angles down the page. And my organizational skills promised disaster leaving my working places arranged in a hopelessly arbitrary mess. Exacerbating my memory difficulties with recalling material when answering questions later on in my schooling was the knowledge that the time allotted for an exam was usually only about 2/3 of what I would actually require. For these deficiencies I was regularly told I was stupid, loonie and an idiot among many other demeaning descriptors.

My assessment of my "stupidity" predicament reveals 2 related basic watershed factors among others. The first of these relates to comprehending what I am reading and the second to an inability to commit to memory what I have read.

Although able to read sentences I could usually not comprehend what they meant or having achieved this then would not remember this material even upon reaching the end of the same page. This point must be stressed because although a root cause in my childhood years of being thought of as stupid this problem was a particularly devastating obstacle as an adult struggling with my professorial pursuits **.**

To illustrate, when I was at the top of my game as a researcher new scientific laboratory equipment was frequently being acquired. Such was usually accompanied by thick Instruction Booklets. As the head of the lab I was expected to proficiently and confidently demonstrate the intricacies of these often complicated new devices. In recognizing the futility of attempting to read the instructions I would begin a random practice of pushing promising looking buttons. Most times not only was success not achieved but the equipment would suddenly come to life in some unknown fashion often becoming unstable and I would have to quickly pull the plug to prevent possible damage. Perceiving disaster a certainty I would hand this duty to a senior researcher together with the instruction booklet as often as not still sealed in its original container. What an embarrassment when my junior sometimes blindsided me with the homily; "when in doubt why not read the instructions"?

With this erudition other problematic issues I struggled with at earlier times become more understandable. Unlike the teacher who resorted to blackboard brush violence to vent his frustrations towards my problems, others were much more subtle in their reprimands. Upon observing my spelling difficulties many were prompted to ejaculate; "use a dictionary to determine the correct spellings". Unfortunately this route was disabled in my case. My horrible spelling prevented location of most words from my dictionary. Others harped on my unsuitability for the high school academic stream what with my low IQ, a failure in grade 11 French and horrible reading skills I had no hope of ever acquiring a satisfactory status for University entrance.

Although this story illustrates my 2 major difficulties and their progenitors this is far from my total collection. However perhaps this might be useful in helping you to distinguish typical issues that daily occur in your own lives. Each of us in our evaluations will discover a typical pattern of problems based on our major difficulties however the total patterns will be far from identical between each other. So I must stress that this makes each case unique. Hopefully you can now better understand why an assessment of our own specific difficulties is essential.

##### Defining Your Learning and Related Problematic Issues

**Note** : the true problems I identified above and within this section about myself are depressing being worst case, bleak scenarios. The illustrative stories are offered together with the accompanying emotional trauma because most adults with learning challenges can identify best with the emotions left therein. It is my intention by doing this to encourage the readers to be brutally honest with themselves in making their own assessments. Remember this will be followed with a section on finding and using coping strategies. Despite what is outlined in this section please remember I did ultimately succeed at a high level in my field as can you.

In my case I had an assessment done by a psychologist at a local hospital who specialized in the defining of learning disabilities. This professional was recommended to me by my psychiatrist who was treating me for my bipolarity. He had become suspicious that learning problems might be inherent in my overall problematic profile.

If you would like to pursue a professional assessment there are several approaches to locating such an individual. There are many persons who advertise in publications and online that they provide this service, but I strongly recommend that you avoid making a choice from this group. The better way is to consult your physician and/or a learning disability society for help with a recommendation. In the case of the latter such groups are numerous and are present in most urban jurisdictions. Organizations such as the Learning Disability Society of Canada, the Learning Disability Association of America and the National Center for Learning Disabilities can direct adults to an appropriate group in your area.

However I have met many adults who have come to conclude that they may have learning disabilities who object strenuously at my suggestion that they should be professionally tested. This is a very understandable reaction. Although a large fraction of adults report relief at finding that there is a condition with a name that is responsible for their problems many of the testing opposed individuals do so because they are uncomfortable with acquiring a label they feel is demeaning. Even my suggestion that the term 'special learner' is more appropriate does not usually overcome this objection.

In my case I found little real solace in discovering my problems had a name since after having suffered for years thinking that I was stupid a problem exacerbated by taunts such as those mentioned above from acquaintances, teachers and professional colleagues I could not dislodge the idea that the stupidity moniker was still valid. Thus I decided it was essential to compile a list myself that put flesh on the bones of the discoveries by my psychologist based testing had produced.

The following list although not 100% complete contains most items that I felt were important in my case. I then go on to detail why each of these were listed by providing explanations to guide the readers own thinking in discovering the items for his own list.

Social Embarrassments

###### Parties are an Ordeal

Many, but by no means all, people with learning disabilities have difficulties socially. The roots of such problems often are closely related to academic difficulties. I shunned friendships because of a fear of making silly mistakes in conversations and because of uncertainties about being able to contribute my share to a relationship. It is easier to avoid friendships than to undergo the mental anguish that is likely to be involved in multi-subject filled daily interchanges. Even more problematic are parties where the learning disabled must try to interact with many others, some of whom have little sympathy with a perceived slowness of mind, no matter the cause of such symptoms.

As usual, I was most uncomfortable. I looked around the living room. Almost everyone had split into small groups, most in animated conversation with each other. Here and there, but still very much a happy part of the assemblage, were individuals who said little or nothing. They were content to take part by listening attentively. I stood there in the doorway hoping not to catch anyone's eye, pretending to be busy with some small chore. At the first hint that someone was heading my way, I quickly retreated into the hallway. It embarrassed me to have to talk to anyone. I feared making serious errors or interjecting something into the conversation that was seriously unrelated to what was being discussed.

Years before, after a few drinks, I could become a lively part of any party. My discomfort and embarrassment washed away. It mattered little to me if I did make a stunning _faux pas._ Under such circumstances I even found it amusing to do so under the guise of being outrageous. Drinking became a problem so I quit. Then In my early years as a non-drinker, I shrank to the edge of a party even retreating completely to play with the children or a family pe.

By no means all learning disabled people react as I did socially. I have known many, including my own daughter, who enjoy and participate enthusiastically in social events. I used to feel as though I was a flashing a neon sign saying stupid - boring,- loner. One still unfortunate, aggravating factor surrounding social events for me is that I am often falsely considered an authority on a wide variety of subjects simply because I possess a PhD. Because of this, when an argument or discussion needs an arbitrator with the final word, I am frequently nominated. Never mind that the discussion is about health, politics or movies. In the minds of many people a PhD. represents the pinnacle of knowledge, PERIOD. Most PhD's I know tend to be relatively narrow in their range of expertise. In my case, the situation is even worse. My range of expertise is so narrow that if it were turned sideways it might disappear altogether. Because of my poor memory I know less about matters outside this narrow range of science than probably anyone else at a party. For example, in the case of movies, I frequently cannot remember the plot and the actors' names, let alone any details, two or three days after the viewing.

As a result I refuse to attend most parties and have few good friends. On the average outside the family I probably attend only 3 parties a year. These I go to "screaming and shouting" in the car on the way. Not counting my family, this leaves me with 3 or 4 good friend and about six close acquaintances. These were augmented in former years due to my participation in sports as a hockey father and former baseball and hockey coach. Then I had weekly interactions with ten or twelve adults who also volunteered their skills at a sports club near my home in Toronto.

One type of social responsibility that I find particularly difficult is events that take place associated with professional activities at the university. Since retirement I have not gone back to the University for any reason. Activities including undergraduate welcome parties, staff Christmas parties and social hours associated with visits from world renowned scientists were particularly difficult. Because of my acute problems in carrying on conversations and in being with people at an elevated intellectual level, I refuse to attend such events.

###### I don't Play Party type Games

Games such as bridge, chess and charades are popular social activities. Because of my poor memory I am particularly hopeless at games requiring good recall. It is difficult for me to bear the unspoken, but strongly implied, "I wonder why a PhD. plays bridge or chess so poorly?"

###### Excuses, Excuses ...

Traveling abroad as frequently as I did each year to present my scientific research at conferences, meant that, out of courtesy, I receive many invitations into people's homes. To avoid inflicting my social gaffes on these generous and unsuspecting people, I have developed a large repertoire of excuses. These include sickness, pet allergies, jet lag and conflicting engagements. I have become truly superb at relieving myself of social obligations at the last moment.

###### The Loner

Strangely, the lack of friends is not a severe difficulty for me. I have become a relatively happy "loner." My fetish for gardening, computers, electronics, photography and writing free eBooks provide ample opportunity to fill the voids caused by a lack of friends.

Fear of self embarrassment and owing favours to others (that I might be unable to fulfill) are constantly in my thoughts. Additionally, I have little patience with the idiosyncrasies and weaknesses that are ever present in the character of others. Unjustified self pity often dominates the conversations of even the truly "advantaged" Canadians of today and this to me is unforgivable. On the other side, the self aggrandizement and outright self promotion that characterize the conversations of some is also despicable. Although I admit to possessing many of these weaknesses myself, I have no desire to hear the often booze inspired diatribes on the advancing fringes of these problems that occur at social functions of any kind. I have little patience with those (unfortunately, large numbers of people) who indulge themselves in these "games", ever trying to paint a self pleasing but distorted picture of themselves. None of my friends are this way. I hope my relatively disputatious personality does not offend the reader.

Today my room is filled to overflowing with computers, weather stations and electronics. Not surprisingly, I tend to overwork even in areas of leisure. Instead of restricting my interests to within normal bounds, I over do. Truly then, I have little time left for friendships even if I desired these. I still have a variety of missions in life with environmental issues and self help eBooks topping the list. My wife children and grandchildren are my most important loves.

Despite my negativities on friendship, I find myself desperately wanting to be liked. In conversations with others I go out of my way to insert compliments, frequently making myself the butt of jokes. On suitable occasions I write short complimentary notes to colleagues who have done something well either large or small. Despite this, except in one case I seldom remember receiving any such comment by either a colleague or a "friend." My family I must stress is very supportive in what I do.

Daily Obstacles

###### What to Wear

Each day I arise at about 7:00 a.m. and usually commence my daily activities with a 3 km walk with the dog. After this I rush through early morning routines such as shaving, showering and tooth brushing like most of the rest of the citizenry. Here, however, the comparison ends. While most others easily choose a coordinated wardrobe and travel to work or begin with the household chores I usually start by having to force myself to get dressed. Often I cannot find an article of clothing. Even if I successfully complete getting dressed, I frequently find myself inappropriately attired in coffee and food stained cloths. Frankly I am a bit of a boor.

###### .Everyday Tasks are not Routine

In my active academic life I used to worry myself silly on the journey to work wondering if I could force myself into the needed daily tasks. Sometimes I encountered an unpleasant difficulty with a bus driver or ticket collector when I honestly forgot to pay my fare. Even if I succeeded in mounting an onslaught on my work, frequently an event occurred (a difficult phone call, an unexpected consultation, an unusual question from a student) that I could not deal with. These daily unpleasant surprises for me are the routine happenings that most people deal with easily day in and day out. My heart pounded just from the thought of the next "routine" challenge that is bound to present itself at any given moment.

I normally drive my cars until they are ready for the junk yard. Only then do I purchase a new model. That's why it was unusual for me to have a used car that was good enough to sell. Knowing that a private sale would realize the maximum amount of money, I composed an advertisement and posted it on the bulletin board on the main floor in the University of Toronto, Mining Building, where I worked. On the morning of the next day, the door to my office rattled to the powerful knocks of the Associate Departmental Chairman. He looked at me somewhat quizzically and shouted, "Jon, take down that car advertisement immediately from the bulletin board. I can't imagine any geologist, especially a faculty member, who would spell the word 'mining' incorrectly. It's really embarrassing to the department!" I ran down the stairs and sure enough I had written, "Room 324, Minning Building".

###### Expectation of Failure

Self doubt can be an especially paralyzing sensation. The learning challenged person grows to expect failure and unfair criticism in many "normal" activities. I frequently find myself apologizing for a mistake whether it is my fault or not. I recently caught myself apologizing when someone else stepped on my foot. Likewise, I frequently say thank you even when I have done something for someone else.

During a recent visit to the dentist, the teenaged, vivacious receptionist handed me the dreaded dental insurance claim form with the request that I sit down in the waiting room and fill in the details. This I did, returned to the counter and handed it in before resuming my seat in the crowded waiting area. A few moments later as I was absent-mindedly scanning a magazine, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. It was the receptionist standing over me brandishing the form. She bent down toward my ear. Then in a voice that I am sure could have been heard outside on the street she blurted, "Surely Mr. Van Loon, we can do better than this! Everything is on the wrong lines and you've signed where the dentist is supposed to sign." All conversation in the room stopped and I could feel a multitude of eyes disapprovingly scanning my claim form. It is impossible under such circumstances not to feel incredibly stupid and put down. For me, even the simplest activity can turn into a nightmare.

Obviously, a learning challenge affects the degree of facility in the learning process. Put in a clearer fashion, it obviously adversely affects a person's ability to learn using conventional methods. It is not so obvious, however, that learning disabilities are responsible for problems and mental discomfort in almost every activity encountered in daily life. This includes such simple duties as letter writing, filling in and signing cheques, the planning and selection of a daily wardrobe, and the many social interactions that occur throughout the day. I have a variety of daily experiences that would be routinely handled by "normal" learners, but can be disastrous for me.

###### I Can't Remember Numbers

_"Locker_ _4196,_ _where are you?" In the men's changing room at the University of Toronto Athletic Centre there are row after row of lockers. After jogging five miles on the indoor track, as was my custom, I returned to the locker room to shower. My street clothes were in locker_ _4196,_ _so I put my athletic clothes in this locker also. Upon returning naked from a hot shower, I thought about the locker number. Was it_ _1496?_ _I looked in 1496 and found no clothes. Locker_ _1469_ _had someone else's lock. I became panicky and saw myself trying to walk to my office wrapped only in a towel The harder I tried, the worse was the confusion. After a few more abortive attempts, I began to wonder whether I even had the correct four digits. Luckily, after about six tries I finally found locker 4196. From that time onward, I wrote my locker number down on a small piece of paper that I carried everywhere._

###### It's on the Tip of My Tongue

"I know what I want to say, but I can't say it. Oh, Oh, I feel so stupid!" These were the frequent protestations of my father-in-law in the several years following his stroke. He was terribly embarrassed to even answer the phone or try to deal with salespeople, tellers and others whose help he required daily. He never knew it, of course, but every day I encounter this same difficulty. Many times I have tried to make a cogent argument at staff meetings, at conferences, or even in my own home only to discover I could not extract onto my tongue the phrases that I had formulated in my mind. This, coupled with a poor memory for the points I wish to make, often leads to Foolish, poorly related statements, when I attempt to join in important discussions. Often I forget what I was saying mid sentence. It is too bad I cannot insert the audience into my head because they might be amazed at the several excellent points that are trapped, forever, therein.

###### Equipment is a Special Challenge

After the whistle blew, the time-clock kept running. This evoked a very nasty reaction from the parents of the other hockey team, which was then losing by a single goal. Even much higher levels of criticism cascaded down when I mistakenly left the penalty timer off for one of their players as play resumed. I found myself being accused of deliberately sabotaging their team's chances.

To be helpful (I thought), I had volunteered to be timekeeper at some of the minor hockey games for the hockey organization my son had joined. From the beginning, however, the experiment had been a disaster. The hockey timekeeper's console consisted of several toggle switches, rather than the pressure sensitive buttons of today, all designated for different, but important, operations. No matter how much I practiced, I still managed to employ the wrong combinations. This appeared to me to be a result of my left-right problems and an inability to process events quickly enough. Sometimes, in a panic to quickly respond to an important development in the play, I threw the set of switches into almost a completely opposite set of combinations than were needed. Although even "normal" timekeepers made some errors, I never saw situations as badly dealt with as by me. It was incredible to many of my hockey colleagues that a person possessing a Ph.D. could do so poorly. As might be expected, I was asked politely to retire from this duty after only a short time.

###### Traffic Hazards

Apart from the problem of remembering meanings, there is the matter of "seeing" international traffic signs properly and then their correct interpretation. Even something as commonplace as driving a car can be a problem. The adoption and exclusive use of international traffic signs will be a particular hazard to the learning disabled. For example, an arrow with a line through it means do not turn in the direction of the arrow. Frequently, at first glance, I do not see the line and my first reaction is to turn in the direction of the arrow. In order to avoid such a potential disaster, I must consciously ask myself what I am seeing, particularly enquiring whether a line is present or absent. Obviously, at freeway speeds such lengthy processing can be dangerous to the all drivers and passengers health!

In a related matter, because of my inability to tell right from left quickly, signs such as "keep left" or "squeeze right" must be positioned well ahead of the applicable area in order to evoke a correct response. Likewise, a driver flashing his directional signals immediately prior to making a turn may find me taking the wrong corrective action unless I have appreciable time to consciously process his indicated intention.

Of course, in some ways my knowledge of this problem provides a counter-balance. Because I must be alert at all times, I think I drove more defensively than others.

Finally at age 60 after a stroke on my first return to the psychiatrist he stated as follows. "Please hand me your driver's license. "Startled, I retrieved the form from my wallet and complied. Holding the object in his hand, he asked; "May I tear this up?" Seeing that I was at a loss for words he replied, "It will be much easier and less officious this way than if I need to fill in the forms to have the authorities pull your ticket." It then came to my mind that perhaps I did not even deserve to be driving in the first place anyway. It was a shock, but I assented.

Unfortunately I became a horrible example of a back seat driver for my harassed wife. Since the children had left our house she was compelled to do all the driving. My instructions affected by my then, poor driving judgment, were constantly vociferous and wrong. The advent of the GPS device for driving instructions seemed a God sent to Maureen, however to her dismay I even argue with that device.

Vocational Pitfalls

###### Publish or Perish

"On the one hand are elicited feelings of admiration and awe of the courage and determination you have exhibited in addressing your handicaps; on the other hand, as you must appreciate, is a certain incredulity and cynicism with a system that enabled you to reach your current position, for which, by most standards, you are clearly unsuited."

I have been advised by a number of "experts" to quit my job at the university. The above quotation, taken from an editor's letter, was one of the more eloquent versions, questioning the suitability of my chosen vocation.

"Alas! I am sorry to report we have had to conclude that we cannot offer to publish .... "

I had sent the manuscript for review two months before receiving the above reply. I sent this document in response to an enthusiastic offer to consider my material for publication. This publisher had recently released a book on living with diabetes and hence was favourably disposed, at least in principle, to consider a parallel type of manuscript on learning disabilities. A week before receiving the dire letter containing the rejection statement, the editor had sent me a communication, that outlined in a very negative tone, the many hurdles the manuscript would have to clear before being accepted. I should have been ready for rejection, but I had rationalized myself into an optimistic position in spite of the letters. Thus it was a crushing blow to my ego when this rejection came so quickly and so eloquently a week or so later. The rejection letter contained one and one-half pages of singly spaced lines. Most of the content was highly critical, but undoubtedly accurate, such as _, "In matters of grammar, spelling, sentence construction, organization, focus, repetition, there is extraordinary work to be done."_ This was a job that the editor was not willing to do _" ... because of the excessive and unusual editorial costs that would be incurred in working with you .... "_

Considering these comments the second to last sentence of his letter was a complete surprise. _"Yours is a story that is, in_ _Reader's Digest_ _parlance, unforgettable._ "

###### Overdoing it as Compensation

To mask daily demeaning occurrences, I believed that the more I did, the more chance I could build up a positive image to stand in the reflection of the disaster that would ultimately strike when my stupidity finally won. Luckily, instead of making me give up, problems became a tremendous challenge. I wanted to test how much I could handle. And so I began accepting all the invited lectureships that were offered. During one period in England I gave seven talks in the span of six days. Then I accepted the position of General Chairman of the most prestigious conference in my field. Along with all this I increased my rate of scientific research and publications (some research was now being done on my living room floor and in my basement in the evenings). Strangely none of this counted as success to me and I argued this point vociferously with family and doctors.

Not surprisingly I was stricken with a stroke, due to overwork, while working the equivalent of 2 fulltime jobs at the University of Toronto and in China for the world Bank simultaneously. Although I suffered little physical damage, my mind took a severe hit. This was defined by confusion and loss of trains of thought. Worst of all my ability to do research and teaching at expected levels was disabled where-by it was necessary to leave all my University duties.

Disability insurance was a fortunate part of my Benefits package and I medically qualified for leave from these duties with pay.

During the first 5 to 10 years I did little except sit on the couch, watch TV and read. Gardening was the only satisfying activity that I could find. It was Maureen who finally suggested firmly that I should get away from the house and do some volunteering work at a Medically oriented home for the aged which I begrudgingly undertook. My almost manic energy returned which drove me to the point that I was pressured to leave by the union because I had assumed responsibilities that might cause loss of union jobs. (More details on this episode are below) My activities escalated from there mostly involving building high end multi-core computers and using their computing time for volunteer research.

###### Poor Comprehension

The reader must be wondering how a scientist could remain in the forefront of his subject without at least normal reading capability. Must he not stay abreast of the literature, reading hundreds of papers each year? The answer is that I was barely able to keep up. For this reason the advice from the psychologist to quit my job, which she gave after discussing my learning challenges, was probably insightful. But using techniques discussed below I remained abreast of the most important material.

It is crippling to be a professor and research scientist but to be unable to learn normally from books and research articles. The written word remains virtually a mystery unless I use "tricks"(coping techniques) to help elucidate the material. Most importantly, the concepts must be transformed into a pattern that is easy to assimilate. Even then, this transformed data is not permanently in my memory, but must be restudied frequently until used. For this reason my long-term memory consists of summary cards and notes that can be retrieved for review as required. Detailed discussion of coping strategies appears below

My typical professorial working day consisted of lectures, talks with students and colleagues, scientific writings and research. Although I have been teaching for more than twenty years, I still approached each lecture, no matter how routine, with an intense feeling of jitters and trepidation. A major part of this arose from the difficult nature of the subject matter in my fourth-year courses. There were topics I must cover that are poorly understood even by me. This problem spilled over into my research and limited the range of experiments I could undertake. As a result I feel I had a somewhat less impact in my field of study than did my "normal" colleagues. My belief that much of this problem could have easily be rectified comes from my attendance at an undergraduate lecture given by a colleague, Jim Winefordner, while I was working at the University of Tokyo. In this talk he described a summarized and simplified overview of some difficult theoretical material. My auditory processes are in the average category. Using this one lecture I was able to extend my teachings appreciably into this important area. Unfortunately, there were few opportunities for me to "hear" such lectures.

I was frequently amazed at the facility with which many of my colleagues set up equipment and performed meaningful research. I typically plodded through to my goal without an optimally planned _modus operandi._ If relatively long procedures were involved I often found myself unable to correctly follow the prescribed steps. To make matters worse, when I turned these instructions over to my assistant, in most cases, he quickly succeeded in completing the work. The daily occurrence of such happenings and the onslaught this would bring on my ego resulted in periods of lack of self confidence.

A former student taped the following sign to one of my new pieces of research equipment: "If all else fails, read the instructions." This had been done in jest, but unfortunately described my dilemma exactly. When I approach new equipment even the present computer and electronics I am frequently unable to understand the instructions, so I launch into operation using trial and error. Sometimes, I disable something before the equipment has even been put into proper working order. How embarrassing this was particularly as a Professor in front of his students.

A chemist who was dealing with complicated chemical procedures and equipment who could not follow instructions properly is hard to imagine. This meant I frequently was faced with asking one of my Research Group to start equipment running the initially. More commonly, I never learned to use the equipment to its fullest potential.

An important related aspect of my poor reading comprehension is an inability to deal quickly with questions. Whenever I am asked a difficult question (as I often was in class) I felt an immediate rush of helplessness. My mind locked. Ideas rush through my cerebral pathways colliding indiscriminately with each other. My ability to process this material is minimal, and I am tempted to guess impulsively. Although I know by bitter experience the deadliness of impulsive guessing, I still resort to this process in moments of weakness. It is my last desperate attempt not to show my "stupidity". Of course, I usually produce just the opposite result! In latter times I sometimes had the presence of mind to state that the question deserved more thought and would be answered at a later time.

Why not work out problems arising from student questions in front of them on the blackboard or a piece of paper? This was another severe frustration. Often I was so worried about spelling problems or incorrect expressions that I couldn't even get the material written down correctly or completely. Such a difficulty made a fine show for my graduate students. Even when I do have the correct answer formulated in my mind I frequently fail to format it properly into words either verbally or in written form.

###### Poor Concentration

Concentration is a weak point for the learning disabled. I must force myself to concentrate. Failure to do so means nothing seeps through into my memory. Little is being imprinted on my brain unless I consciously lash myself to the material to be learned. Because of this the learning challenged typically have short concentration spans. I must work on difficult material only for relatively short intervals followed by rest periods. These breaks must involve activities unrelated to the task at hand. Fortunately the workday life of a professor tolerated such an approach. I could work for forty minutes (years ago I could only work for twenty-minute periods, but I have built this up) followed by breaks of ten to fifteen minutes while I walk about absent-mindedly in my office, the halls, or my lab.

###### Computer Confrontations (In My Professorial Days)

For a scientist, an inability to type seems, at first glance, not to be a serious problem. However, computers require data entry from a keyboard. All modern scientific equipment has become computerized. In my professional days operating systems were Disc Operating Systems know as DOS and were functionally complicated. Computers crashed too easily so I resisted purchase of such apparatus on the pretext that it was poor for me from a pedagogical standpoint. Today, however, it would be difficult to find equipment without computerized data processing and instrument control. Likewise today I can use with ease the most complicated computer hardware and most software.

But during my vocational career I had to admit to students and research collaborators that I couldn't use computers. At first, they refuse to believe me. To them a computer/word processor was a very necessary and easy-to-use device that helped to expedite their research. It was difficult to convince these protagonists that I often could not find the correct key on a keyboard. Worse, I "saw" one letter (often the correct one) in my mind but uncontrollably hit another on the keyboard. For me, even one-fingered data entry was laboured, extremely time-consuming and very error-prone.

Of course, there were other computer data entry systems, most notably the mouse. I even had trouble with this device because of my severe difficulties with spatial relationships.

The word processor became a boon to delineating research papers and book manuscripts. Indeed, a typist using such a device had an important advantage in doing my work compared to performing this duty in the past typewriter days. I made so many errors and frequently found "old errors" the second and third reading through. It became no longer necessary to retype every page two or three times to correct a few errors, so much time and work were saved.

Spelling correction programs arrived. One would expect that these would be a very important advantage for use with my typing. However, as in working with a dictionary, these early programs often could not provide the correctly spelled word because my spelling was so poor even now this is sometimes a problem.

A very serious difficulty occurred for me in late 1987. During 1986, I had been unable to obtain any useful results from a research project supported by a $50,000 Ontario government grant. This failure was partly due to malfunctioning equipment. A more important consideration was b poor judgment on my part. Because I had not questioned other researchers in my field carefully enough, I had been acquiring and using data that was very far from "state-of-the-art". I even had to present these results at a conference of my peers. Nothing I could say made up for this error in judgment. Even worse is the fact that my Ontario government liaison scientist offered to let me use his equipment six months previously when I first sensed my instrumental problems. I refused this generous offer because it would have meant acknowledging my inability to use his computer system for data processing and instrumental control. This really compounded the problem because at the conference I had to admit my computer-related problems publicly to all 100 or so attendees, including my liaison officer. Oh, how I had hoped I might be sick on that day. I even considered faking sickness as an excuse although I felt fine. Of course, in the long run none of this would have helped because it would just have postponed the inevitable. The reward for this admission was that the research grant was not renewed.

Fortunately unlike me, difficulties in keyboard usage and other data input computer related difficulties do not daunt the majority of the learning challenged students and adults I encounter. In the case of students their teachers frequently cite use of computers as an important turning point in struggles to express themselves in a written format.

During retirement computers have become an obsession in my life. Despite still having only I finger capability on the keyboard, and many of the other difficulties mentioned above, I spend 6 to 8 hours fruitful a day on my 16 computers. Maureen, mu wife taught me the fundamentals on a Windows 98 OS computer. Long painful experimental learning began until now I can fix most problems even in the bios and registry. I am able to find and install drivers and even build and repair computers for family and friends.

###### Battles with Writing

It was long a mystery to me how a person like me could acquire a Ph.D., become a professor and be a research scientist writing books and research papers. This conundrum was such a difficulty to me that, as I mentioned earlier, I spent a great deal of time (and money) in sessions with psychiatrists. In fact, because I did not know I had a learning disability and because I really believed I was stupid, I frequently became severely depressed.

Sometimes I overheard the typing personnel laughing at some of the misspellings and saying such things as, "I think he just puts a letter where he feels it looks good." Condemnation of one kind or another concerning my "sloppiness" followed me through my professional career. I have been a relatively prolific writer of scientific material. Since my early years at the University there have always been a variety of manuscripts to be typed that ranged from book chapters to research papers to articles for trade journals. Frequently there were several manuscripts on the go at one time and these arrived at the typing pool in a group. At the best of times this occasioned a collective groan from the secretaries. I must comment that I do sympathize both with the teachers who laboured with me over the years and friends who work with me now. There is no question it is terribly difficult to have patience and understanding in such circumstances.

Because of my difficulties I am constantly encountering pitfalls that can easily be breached by normal learners. It was necessary for me to publish the results of my scientific research. No matter how hard I tried, my written submissions also occasioned severe criticism by referees and editors, particularly for poor spelling and grammatical deficiencies. I commonly receive statements such as, "The science is sound, but the presentation is unbelievably poor for such a prestigious laboratory." Recently I have broken a cardinal rule by which I had previously lived. I asked for help from one of my sympathetic associates in screening my papers. My manuscripts were then always corrected by this colleague before being sent to a journal. Of course, this maked me feel very stupid.

In a related incident, the only negative comment (by the reviewer) one of my published books on chemistry received was as follows:

"There are a variety of errors in spelling, grammar and chemical formulas, which could have been easily caught if the manuscript had been carefully proofread." Of course the reviewer could not know that I had proofread the manuscript very critically and laboriously, but had missed errors because of my poor visual processes.

It is important to stress the difficulties that arise because of my poor writing abilities. Some of my audience will undoubtedly be struggling in a similar way. I shall never forget the following, which occurred in the early years of my job at the University.

Up to 1988 I had published 149 refereed scientific papers. In 1965, during the second year of my employment, I had two research projects that had advanced to the point where the data required publication. I laboriously (and I thought carefully) wrote up two papers. I delivered these to the secretarial pool, both at the same time. Sometime later there was a vigorous knock at my office door. Upon opening the door I found the department chairman, red in the face and shaking all over. In his trembling fists he held my mangled manuscripts. These he threw down on a table with the advice, "If you can't do better than this, you will lose your typing privileges!" The documents were so full of grammatical and spelling errors that the secretaries had asked the chairman if they really would be forced to do such typing. He had answered in the affirmative because of the dearth of research from other colleagues, but then still issued the above warning.

In the early years of my scientific work the comments I received on my writing efforts from journal editors were enough to make a grown man cry. Perhaps the most cutting comments I ever received were the following:

I had made the statement that from a table in which the pH values were going up it was obvious that the acidity was increasing. Of course, just the opposite is true and the reviewer wrote, "I would expect such a mistake perhaps from a Geographer (many of whom, unfortunately, try to dabble in the science of environmental studies). However, from a Chemist this is unforgivable! Reject the paper."

"There were so many spelling and grammatical errors that I refuse to correct any more! Van Loon would be well advised to hire a professional writer."

My learning challenges were directly to blame for both these comments. In the case of my pH mistake, it is common for a person with my difficulties to mix up obvious and well known interrelationships.

Isn't writing about the most difficult problem for a person with learning challenges of my type? The answer, of course, is yes. The reader must wonder why I did not just give up and devote my energy to areas that would obviously be more fruitful. Instead of developing a sense of despair and a desire to quit reducing this self imposed "masochism", I did the only thing I felt was possible. I treated the episode as a challenge. The worse the situation, the greater was the challenge.

###### Need for Psyching Up to Complete Difficult tasks

Most important to me was that I had self discovered coping techniques that negated most of my learning and professional life related problems.

Many times during the preparation of my most recent book I quit and threw the manuscript into a corner, but sooner or later I found myself working on this material again. A scientist acquaintance wrote a monograph on a topic of applied chemistry in the specific discipline area where I work. I admired this colleague for his contribution. His book, however, represented a challenge. After evaluating the contents, I realized that the material was most useful to the relatively small fraction of scientists who were lab managers and acedemics in this field. On the other hand, there were the majority of workers whose job it was to use these techniques in the laboratory. Thus it came to mind that I could make a very useful contribution by writing a good book for this relatively large group of "users".

Because of my problems, my capabilities for reading or formulating theory were limited. On the other hand, I had to turn all my energy loose onto applications of the technique. Facility in this regard could give even me an edge in writing a book of an applied nature. My learning disability makes it necessary for me to put concepts in very simple terms, so I can understand them (in my summaries, my scientific articles and my teaching materials). Thus any scientific book that I might undertake would have to be written simply and clearly - factors that could also give me an edge in explaining complex procedures to the practical user.

After about a year of writing I had completed one-third of the manuscript. This got me sufficiently psyched up to keep going. How could I possibly throwaway a year's work? By adding more and more practical material, always at the expense of theory, I was able to push myself through to the end. In **my** eyes this type of book would be of greater use to more chemists than my colleague's book and therefore I would be succeeding in an important challenge

I was highly motivated by the goal and what I knew could be a surprisingly higher level of achievement for a person of my capabilities. Even when I wanted to stop and destroy the manuscript (which occurred several times), I was able to force myself to continue. This happened in spite of a nervous breakdown and hospital stay, which occurred towards the middle of the job. Because of this health problem, I had to ask for (and was readily given) more time by the publisher.

On one occasion during the manuscript preparation I had to speak with colleagues about my proposed book. Several told me they had also tried such a project but had given up. They predicted I would do the same. A few commented that it would be futile to write a book on this material because the subject matter would be out of date before publication. This was indeed true for those on the forefront of the subject. But for the majority of practicing chemists, I knew such a book could be extremely valuable for a protracted period to come. Such criticism just gave me more reason to finish and prove the critics wrong.

Always, after publication of a book, the writer must wait anxiously for reviews. In a way, this is like the actors in a Broadway play waiting for reviews in the morning paper. The difference is that it takes three to six months for scientific book reviews to appear and hence there is too much time to contemplate the outcome. During this period worry dominated to such a degree that I purposely refused to read any book reviews for fear of finding them unfavourable.

It was only after my brother wrote to congratulate me on a review that I had the courage to read one. In the first sentence the reviewer stated, "This useful and very readable monograph will be of particular value to those practicing analysts who daily wrestle with problems .... " I didn't have to read further. I had achieved my goal of writing "simply" and for the majority of scientists who actually do the work. In my view, a learning disabled person can be ideally suited to write such material. He must write simply or he could not even follow what he himself has written. Such books then were of great value to the actual practitioner. Within a few months, over 90% of the copies of the book had been sold.

Upon receiving the first few copies of my first book I took them home for my family, one for each. They were all so proud oohing and ahing over what a fine book it was. Then suddenly my wife said to me, "There's an error here." I wondered how she could find an error in my chemistry, since she is not a chemist. "Oh," she said, "but it's not your chemistry. You've spelled your daughter's name wrong in the dedication!"

To make things even worse, this happened again in my next book. What monuments to my learning foibles! I had made one of the most common spelling errors that a person with my problem can execute - the mixing of double and single consonants.

_There, on the cover for every scientist to see was "Chemical_ _Analysis_ _of Inorganic Constituents of Waters". Perhaps the most startling error that I made in one of my books was in this title. Almost any analytical chemist will tell you that the word "analysis" must be changed to "determination" for the above title to be correct. This error was punched home to me by a Brazilian colleague in a three-line letter, which went as follows: 'When I saw the ad for your book in the CRC catalogue, I resolved to send the enclosed material (some basic chemical definitions that all chemists should know including the one governing my erroneous book title). Greetings from Brazil!"_

###### Details of Lecturing Complexities

Beads of perspiration break out on my forehead. My arm and hand seem like leaden weights. As I watch what I am writing on the blackboard, material in my brain comes out completely mixed up. I don't seem to be able to remember the details of the problem's solution. Several abortive attempts are made to start the solution. Then I remember the correct first three lines, but the following four I write down are from an unrelated topic. In addition, in going from line two to three, I leave out a complete term in the equation. "Good God," I remonstrate to myself, "can't you even do the simple problems? How can you possibly expect your students to do even more difficult questions on exams?" But I did and I still do expect this from students!

As an Assistant Professor at the University of Toronto in 1965 I was required to begin lecturing. Initially I gave a few lectures on my specialty in other professors' courses. A few years later I had a course offering of my own. Just prior to my stroke I had the equivalent of one and one-half full courses each term, with labs. These are mainly at the fourth-year level. Perhaps this sounds like a success story. Certainly I had achieved a level of success as a lecturer. However, the road to the fourth-year courses was anything but smooth.

After only a year or two of lecturing from the blackboard, it became apparent that I had a severe difficulty. In my earlier years I was required to lecture on environmental science to a class of 200 first-year engineers. During one class on water pollution I realized I had forgotten to bring a map of the Great Lakes. It would have been difficult to give the lecture without such a diagram, so part way through I sketched a map on the board. Engineers are a difficult sell in the classroom at the best of times. They usually talked, laughed and flew paper airplanes during the lecture. As I made my Great Lakes sketch, the level of laughter was much greater than usual. I thought this was a bit rough. My artistic capabilities were poor but surely they did not warrant such hilarity.

Somehow I got through this incident and the rest of the lecture. After most of the students had left, one of the bolder ones, who had been sitting at the back making plenty of noise, swaggered up to me as I waited for the lecture hall to empty. He blurted out, "Van Loon, how could you be so stupid as to draw the Great Lakes backwards?" I turned quickly around to look and sure enough, I had drawn a mirror image of this region!

_By itself this would not have warranted giving up the use of a blackboard. However, there had been many more similar incidents. These include writing equations with missing or reversed terms, equations with reversed proportionality signs and even reversed chemical structures. As a result, I stopped using the blackboard almost entirely. In fact, I was so frightened about teaching erroneous material that I placed everything on carefully checked slides or overheads. Even after several years, however, students still pointed out minor errors in these. Hard copy of these was then circulated to each class_.

###### Struggles with Ph.D. Students

The superior graduate student is another problem faced by a learning challenged professor. One Ph.D. student came to work with me without an in-depth knowledge in my specialty. However, after about one month of intensive reading and studying, he was obviously at a much more knowledgeable point in the theoretical basis of the subject than I was. Because of a brilliant intellect and a remarkable facility for learning, this student had accomplished in one month what had taken me a whole career to perfect. For three more years this student was compelled to work with me on his study program.

###### Doing work Twice

Letter writing came relatively easily to me. And hence it was a good momentum builder and became a useful beginning to my day. This let me then slip into the more difficult challenges that always loomed in the wings.

Once, a respected colleague wrote to ask if I would prepare a chapter for a book he was editing. The next day, after much deliberation, I replied that I was very honoured but would be unable to participate in this project because of the already heavy burden of my writing commitments. I was about to scribble across his original letter that I had given my answer and to note the date this had been completed when the phone rang. Upon replacing the receiver, and without writing anything, I threw the letter onto the side of the desk and continued to work. Some three days later, his letter again caught my eye. Without giving its contents much thought I wrote to my associate that I was very honoured and would be pleased to accept his invitation to write the chapter. About a week later, I got a phone call from a very confused and bemused colleague asking which side of my split personality he was talking to now and whether my final answer would be a yes or a no!

Thank goodness for email, now days, so that such dichotomies are less likely to occur.

Preparation of research papers is a long and arduous task even for those without learning disabilities. Several times during my career, because of my poor memory and bad filing system, I prepared a manuscript (sometimes even a book chapter) twice. When this happened, it is amazing for me to see the great difference in quality that often exists between the two attempts. For some undetermined reason, the first attempt has invariably been better. What a terrible waste of valuable time and effort this was, especially for someone like me who struggles so fiercely just to finish each writing assignment.

###### Logical thinking Difficulties

The letter stated that my grant proposal was poorly organized and ha poorly expressed goals.

My NSERC (National Science and Engineering Research Council) research grant funding had been cut. While the reduction was only slight, it made me very angry. I had achieved, even exceeded, my research goals during the previous granting period and hence I was expecting a significant funding increase. The letter went on:

"On reviewing his publication list we are unable to find evidence of significant new research findings."

I was a fighter and, unlike most grantees, I was not willing to accept a reduction in research funding, however slight, when I felt I deserved more. Thus I wrote a strong letter of complaint.

Had I not published a well-received book in my field? What about my Plenary Lectures? Did invitations to speak about my work at international conferences not suggest excellence in research? I stamped angrily around my office, unable to do any useful work for several days after receiving these comments. I cursed the committee, many of whom I knew and to whom I would have assigned a poorer research contribution than my own. It had to be jealousy! They were obviously out to get me!

My usual first reaction was to blame others for any misfortune, never verbally, but in my own thoughts. With such an approach I can avoid making an unbiased, critical appraisal of my own performance. Although in time I usually come around to a more insightful appraisal, it was never unbiased or unemotionally thought through. Upon reflection, I cannot ever remember a single case where I had been able to make a totally honest appraisal of my own performance. In some cases I miss the mark by being overly negative. In others, I avoid an accurate appraisal through excuses and by blaming others. Very often such a strategy prevents me from undertaking greater challenges. Perhaps many people behave in this manner. Is this not human nature? In my case, however, there is a significant and important difference. I lack the ability to process logically material of any complexity. In other words, this makes the grant committee's above comments dead on!

Processing problems are common among the learning disabled. My processing difficulties manifest themselves in a multitude of ways. For example, I have difficulty keeping my work load at a reasonable level. As soon as anyone asked me to help with what appears to be exciting work, I responded positively. Then I wonder later why I had been unable to finish the undertaking as a comfortable part of my total commitments. Apart from too many projects, the details of each individual job often became beyond my ability to deal with logically. As a result I talked in vague generalities, unable to focus on, or unable to zero in on, the points requiring further work. A recent major research project is an excellent example.

###### Research Realities

After receiving the bad reviews on my NSERC research grant proposal, I decided that it was important for me to get back into the laboratory and actually do some of my own research. For many years, I had relied almost completely on work done by students and research assistants. Because of this I had lost my perspective on the difficulties associated with research work. I caught myself many times, without sufficient knowledge of the problem, upbraiding members of my research group for lack of "sufficient" research progress. This was usually brought on by the urgent need for results to support new grant applications.

Why then, had I failed, since my return to the lab in a relatively straightforward research task? The answer is simple and the problem should be correctable. This is true, except for difficulties related to my pride and my inability to learn, in enough depth, the basic theories of the subject area. By basic theory, I don't mean the detailed mathematics and physics of these subjects. Even a somewhat superficial and descriptive understanding would be sufficient. Instead of facing this problem head on and making a rational decision on whether to continue, I drift on, day after day, hoping for a miracle. Strewn over the surface of this troubled sea is the flotsam and jetsam of failed experimentation. I was unable to retrieve these well defined fragments of the research puzzle and use them to construct a useful representation of my research project status.

Is the total picture so bleak that I was back at the beginning? Even worse, could I actually have been in a negative position compared to when I started? This could easily be the case because I have frequently developed serious misconceptions about the reasons for poor results. This leads to further time wasting and more poorly conceived experimentation. In an attempt to evaluate my position I even wrote down the evidence as it has been revealed to me, in a bare bones fashion. Despite this simplistic format, the data are exactly what they appear - unconnected words, phrases and sentences that I was unable to process into anything remotely resembling a status evaluation, or a logical plan for further work.

I seemed fated to struggle on endlessly. Pride prevented me from admitting, even to myself, that I might fail. Oh, I said the word "failure" even out loud to my family, but I didn't believe what I was saying. How could I? I didn't know how to assess my current position.

Research projects supported by government funds were overseen by a liaison officer. These would usually be scientists in government laboratories who have some "expert" knowledge of the content of the investigation. Liaison officers were required to interact with the "principal investigator" (me) and monitor the progress of the research. My liaison officer called regarding a report I had sent. He asked when he might expect the current research to be published. At the very least, he required a report satisfactory for in-house publication. I was taken aback by this request because I knew he had my final report in hand. When I reminded him of this he informed me that his editor had rejected this version because of a large number of spelling and grammatical errors. He even went so far as to offer to correct the material himself. The embarrassment this caused is difficult to detail without resorting to profanity. To make matters worse, these liaison officers were frequently at a "lower" rung on the research ladder than was I and could even be, as in this case, former employees or former students.

###### Over zealousness Leads to Over Commitment

The voice on the other end of the phone was drowning on and on about severe personnel and research difficulties that had beset one of the larger scientific electrical component manufacturers in the U.S.A. I was jolted suddenly back to reality by the almost offhand comment, "Would you consider being a consultant for our company?" I was really flattered by this unexpected turn in the conversation. Without any real thought, or even asking for time to think it over, I answered in the affirmative. When I hung up the phone I was immediately hit with feelings of inadequacy and foreboding. Despite this, during ensuing negotiations, I spewed out positive, but often poorly conceived, garble to an extent that I acquired the position.

This had been the constant pattern of my decision-making process. I can think of few decisions I made that resulted from a careful processing of all the issues. Reasons include an inability to identify important factors and then, as detailed above, my failure to logically reflect on their pros and cons. I have made many decisions designed largely to feed my ego. How lucky I was to successfully complete most tasks, including the work, with the above electrical component manufacturer. However, there have been some spectacular failures.

How about the time I was appointed to a prestigious NSERC grant review committee? Such committees meet once a year in Ottawa. I "succeeded" for the first year with the mountain of reading, but in year two, I resigned one month before the meeting because I had been unable to plough through a similar jumble of applications. Imagine the surprise and annoyance of the committee chairman when he received my phone call.

Another embarrassment occurred when I simply stopped reviewing articles for scientific journals. I was unable even to write with an explanation. For about fifteen years I had accepted and laboriously reviewed any articles that appeared in my mail box. This is extremely difficult work for me because of my reading and processing problems. The frequency of requests was gradually rising and I became frustrated at not being able to do a comprehensive job. Then suddenly I stopped altogether and the articles for review built up for two or three months on a corner of my desk. Since the journals were receiving no reviews and no explanations from me, the flow diminished to a dribble and finally stopped. How could I have done this without even an explanation? My reputation must have been approaching zero in a number of these jurisdictions.

###### Can't Manage Grant Money

"It has come to my attention in the course of an audit of the accounting and related procedures here, that the ICP ... holding account is overdrawn by $23,000, approximately, and that only $17,000 is recoverable ....

As if my difficulties in research were not enough, I was even more hopeless in money matters. The above quotation, from a letter sent to my university administrator, was an example of my abilities at work-related money management. In one instance, my very understanding department chairman even donated $1,000 from his own research funds to cover a serious overrun in one of my research grant budgets.

Needs Help with Daily Vocational Tasks

###### Office Chaos

Where could I have put my NSERC grant form? The possibilities were endless. It might be buried on my desk, in files under grants, NSERC, research project titles or elsewhere.

Because of my lack of organizational skills, my desk contained teetering piles of unfinished manuscripts, textbooks, returned book manuscripts, spelling cards, "to do today" schedules, scraps of paper that should have been discarded and used coffee cups. This was always the case and much of the material was in constant danger of falling on the floor (sometimes even into the wastepaper basket!). From time to time my phone number index and even the phone disappeared from view for days at a time. Sometimes, mysteriously, my desk became well organized again. This usually occurred when I had been away from work for a few days. (I guess my colleagues, who share the office, did this to improve the office ambiance).

When something was lost the best bet was to go through all the material on my desk. In most cases the lost article was found. This was a very time-consuming process that might take anything from a few minutes to several hours! Much the same issue is extant today in my home computer room.

For years my filing system consisted of files jammed helter skelter into file cabinet drawers. Materials were so badly inserted that often the drawer could not be closed because of papers protruding upward at all angles. Even worse, the filing had no system. A given item could be anywhere in six drawers in 2 filing cabinets. The greatest problem was that the file titles were so ambiguous that a particular document might be found in any number of individual file locations.

Finally the problem was breached, thanks to my teenage son After his efforts I had a filing system based on file colour and topic, I sometimes found an item in less than ten minutes. Another difficulty became apparent once the files had been put in better order. In some instances I found files with almost identical titles. Couple all this with the problem that there was no guarantee files had been put back and it is obvious why I have often assumed an item I wanted was lost. Frequently I redid all the writing and photocopying of missing items. Then while looking for something else the missing file turned up. Perversely, this seemed certain to occur just as I was laboriously finishing the duplication process.

Covering one wall in my office were bookshelves that extend about thirty feet long and about eight feet high. These contain a random assortment of material - papers, monographs and periodicals that, unlike my files, still remained completely unsystematized.

Also complicating my office existence were several tables, other desks and chairs that very neatly blocked effective access to my office working area. Strewn on top of these was a variety of parts from scientific equipment, abandoned electronics, CRT testing equipment and odds and sods of books, papers and files. To add the final touch to the office chaos there were items of clothing (I jogged to work and frequently, washed and shaved in a large lab sink and dressed in my office). Spare shoes, cloths cardboard boxes, a coffee station, a live parrot and a small assortment of plants completed the office disarray.

The reader may wonder what useful purpose a parrot could serve in a professorial office. In reality, he served a very important function. I frequently found that visitors overstayed their welcome. After the visitor had been in my office for about ten minutes, the parrot started to screech. This behavior was brought on because the parrot had been subjected to nearly uninterrupted babble. For some reason, either to enter the conversation, announce his annoyance at being subjected to such drivel, or perhaps because he thought he had better answers than I did, he decided to join the cacophony. The result was almost always the same. The startled visitor scanned furtively about the office looking for the source of the noise. Whether he found it or not, each screech was of such high volume that the visitor very soon reached the breaking point and left the scene. It was a source of amusement for me to establish just how long each individual would put up with the noise before leaving. I think the record belongs to a former resident research assistant. She left me after about eight years. Likely this was as much to improve her salary level as to escape the parrot.

It is important to stress to the reader that my office foibles were a vestige of my poor organizational skills. Help from my wife, teenaged son and daughters has been indispensable in improving my daily routines as has important input from a few thoughtful colleagues. Despite this assistance, I will always be fated to endure some degree of inefficiency. Organizational skill deficiencies are often one of the most unfairly criticized problems for learning disability sufferers. People with this problem must try to roll with the inevitable criticism and or assent to finding outside help to remedy some of the chaos.

**Note** : I have now described my challenges in the most blatant of format. Many of the weaknesses that I ascribe to myself in the above were incident(s) specific and were overcome for the most part overcome by coping techniques given in the next section. It is important to evaluate yourself in the worst case scenario as I have done in order to have a complete picture into which the coping strategies can be introduced. Failing to have a complete list of challenges can become fatal in the next phase of strategy development.

# Chapter 2

# Finding Your Secrets for Success

I will of course unfortunately never meet with my readers personally. Thus considering the complex and unique combinations of difficulties that describe each person's learning challenges it will not be possible for me to write down programs outlining specific formulas for each to employ. The following is then a listing and discussion, most often with examples my own case, of the important strategies that can recommend.

### Basic Summary for Success

1. Motivation

2. Self-discipline

3. Use as many senses as possible, but emphasize your strengths for learning

(a) auditory

(b) visual

4. Work in concentrated intervals; for example thirty to sixty minutes separated by breaks of ten minutes.

5. Develop hobbies, music, practice some scheme for gaining physical fitness.

6. Abandon negative thinking. Stop crying over your misfortune and get on with the challenge.

7. Develop advantages over normal learners

(a) better study habits and methods

(b) tricks and help for organization

(c) read more efficiently

(d) better writing capabilities

### Adopting Strategies to Achieve Success

###### Motivation is the Key

R _uss Jackson's boot cleats seared through the flesh of my face and indelibly into my memory as I lay helplessly on the field under a pile of bodies. For the fifth time in the practice he had called his favourite play, a quarterback draw over the centre. The result was the same tremendous, rambling, almost leisurely gain, for thirty or forty yards. Jackson was a mental giant among college football players. Apart from being physically very powerful, he knew exactly how to use the plays at his disposal to best tear a defensive team to shreds. Those of us in the first line of resistance were barely slowing him down. It didn't help that I was only five feet, nine inches tall, 160 pounds and foolhardy enough to try out for the University Varsity team as nose guard. Thankfully, I didn't make this team. I did, however, persist with this silliness as a member of the Faculty of Arts and Science team._

_Likewise, the fact that I was a poor skater with "rubber" ankles didn't keep me from playing competitive hockey, albeit at low levels. Collisions with hulking defensemen and sometimes with goalies' fists haunt my memory like a bad dream and I can almost feel the pain today_.

Whether it is a penchant for masochism or a hellishly competitive nature spiked with foolhardiness, I have always wanted to be a winner in every sense of the word. It is probably this very trait that makes it relatively easy for me to discover, use and perfect the techniques that have helped me overcome many of life's roadblocks. Frequently, the same obstacles have defeated others with a similar problem. My attitude is that there must be a way, if only I can discover it.

Fueling thoughts of useful achievement in my case was an old Readers Digest article on the famous brain surgeon, the late Dr. Wilder Penfield from Montreal

He was quoted as opining that the average person uses only 15% of their brain power. I reasoned that if I used a higher percentage I could be more like my normal colleagues. I have spent a lifetime trying to achieve this goal. Whether Penfield's concept has survived the recent years of investigations or not is of little importance since at the time it was of great stimulation to me.

Nothing of real significance can be done without motivation. By this I mean red hot drive that cannot be suppressed. To gain the impetus for success a person must believe he can succeed. I strongly believe that for most learning people, success is very possible. In fact I am convinced that by using a method such as mine achievement at a high level is possible.

First it is important to emphasize your positive attributes. If you resemble me in my frustration outlined in the previous section, you will frequently pass through stages where you hate yourself (your "stupidity") your life and want to give up because it's too hard to go on. At these times, try to think of the things you do well (and we all do some tasks well). Write them down. If your memory is poor you will need this tool. If this is difficult for you, ask a family member for help. (My mother saw many positive attributes in me that I would never have identified.) Keep this material on a card - an achievement card - in your wallet and refer to it frequently.

###### Keep it Simple

First I should attempt to explain the nature of my own vocation and specifically my research and my philosophy for its development. My reasoning behind the mode of execution of this work may be of some assistance in your own vocation.

I pictured myself as simple minded and decided to develop simple equipment and methodology to handle what up to then had been done in complex ways. This approach had added benefits in producing infrastructure and methods that allowed less highly trained and poorly funded scientists such as were typical in developing countries worldwide to do work crucial to the wellbeing in these jurisdictions.

My professorial years, filled as they were with frustrations and depression became, on balance, fruitful and productive in strange ways. Atomic Spectrometry, applied to environmental and clinical disciplines was my field.

But what the heck this sounds complex don't you think? However we were simply bombarding clouds of atoms using mainly visible light and simple equipment to identify atoms (elements), and then elemental species in samples. The amount of said element or species was thus determined. A simple example would be use of our devices for the determination of the health hazards of lead metal and its compounds, in paints used in children's toys. In fact the technique was so rudimentary that my teenage daughter learned its operation for a high school science project.

Thus we first developed an atomic fluorescence detector for chromatography (Chromatograph is a powerful technique for separating compounds.) This unique development, the equipment for which cost of the order of a few 10's of thousands of dollars compared to $1 million plus for the then state-of-the-art detector, proved capable of achieving equivalent results for a wide range of important applications .

In a later unique discovery we used a plasma source (very hot gas) and simple type of mass spectrometer as an element and isotope specific detector for chromatography for more sophisticated testing.

Does this still sound complicated? Don't worry and just take my word that compared to existing approaches my sucessful approaches were indeed simple.

As mentioned above this simple relatively inexpensive equipment and associated procedures was of particular interest to Developing Countries. This resulted in me travelling to such jurisdictions variously funded by UNESCO, The World Bank and local sponsors. In this way I lived and worked for short periods in areas comprising every continent except Antarctica

###### Compete With Yourself

Racing against cars! What kind of nutty jogger is this? During my lonely morning jogs on the sidewalks near my home I would often hear a car approaching me on the street from behind. I have learned that to improve my physical conditioning it is important to increase my running pace from time to time. It is hard to motivate myself to do this against the clock, so when I hear cars or other runners I devise a race. I tried to reach a certain point (obviously only a modest distance away) such as a hydrant or a telephone pole, before being passed. Instead of competing with others, which can often be terribly frustrating, compete with yourself for modest improvement. To motivate myself to improve I compete with something ... anything. This same competitive strategy can be used to motivate yourself in learning. It is important to obtain the quickening heartbeat and mental sharpness and effusiveness that are engendered by competition.

Competing against yourself rather than a colleague is a good method of motivation, because it invariably ensures success. Achieving success (at least over the long run) is Important in maintaining strong motivation. In the beginning, set modest goals. Too often motivation is dealt a severe blow because of failure to achieve a too ambitious goal.

There will also be periods when even modest success cannot be achieved. During such times, which can occur frustratingly often, it is easy for motivation to flag. When this happens to me, I retain perspective by reviewing my achievement card, reminding myself what I have done well in the past.

###### Motivation Comes in Many Forms

Motivation can come in many forms in a lifetime. For me, it has frequently come disguised as a person. The following is a treasured example.

Pink and red geraniums spilled from tree-like stems down the front of a somewhat dilapidated dark green, slatted fence. There stood Alan (now Sir Alan) behind the gate, wine glass in hand, beckoning to us in his, by now, familiar and very friendly way. It was January, but the brilliant Australian summer sun was almost completely absorbed by the dark red Cabernet Sauvignon in the glass grasped gently in his hand, casting a shimmering reflection on the footpath. The orb's extreme intensity was evident almost everywhere. A bright red flowering eucalyptus tree bordering the sidewalk buzzed incessantly from its blanket of bees. We had arrived at the Walsh home in Brighton (a suburb of Melbourne) for what promised to be another idyllic sojourn

I was invited to spend a sabbatical year, in 1975, at the CSIRO, Division of Chemical Physics in Melbourne, Australia. This scientific organization was the birthplace of a revolutionary technique of chemical analysis. The name of the technique atomic absorption spectrometry - conjures up to the layman thoughts of extreme complexity. On the contrary, its most important feature is its simplicity. In fact, the technique is so readily learned that even people with little or no specific scientific training often excel at its use. It was its inherent simplicity that appealed to me. Being learning challenged, I was always on the lookout for relatively uncomplicated techniques. As mentioned above My research at one point involved a closely related technique, Atomic Fluorescence Spectrometry.

For about twelve years before this sabbatical, I had been engaged in developing chemical analysis involving atomic absorption spectrometry. Unfortunately, Alan Walsh, the "inventor" of this approach had so clearly and with such full detail, described the technique in his original publication in 1956 that later researchers such as me were left with little chance of making a very significant contribution in the field. In fact, time has proven that although Sir Alan's technique is used for about 60% of all elemental chemical analyses worldwide (estimate 1995), there have been only two significant contributions to the approach (one by a Russian and one by another Australian) since that date.

Alan Walsh has always been one of my greatest motivators. Here was an expatriate Brit, brought to Australia during the Second World War. While he preferred gardening and golf to chemistry, he became one of the most important scientists of this century. In recognition of this fact he was later knighted by the Queen. His story is inspirational and when told, never fails to bring a lump to my throat.

Sir Alan, as part of the war effort, was required to provide chemical analyses for war-related industry in Australia. An example of a required and crucial chemical test was the determination of the levels of metals contaminating used aircraft engine oils. Knowing this, it was possible to predict when the engine was going to fail without needing to disassemble the whole engine. After the war, elemental analysis difficulties faced the food, agricultural, mining and metallurgical industries. Like his colleagues, Sir Alan had been impressed with the great difficulty and time-consuming nature of such tasks using existing techniques. With these approaches, it would be essential to have large numbers of highly trained scientists to do the work. Such a brain trust was not available in many of the smaller countries such as Australia and Canada. It was with this strong motivating factor that Sir Alan developed the relatively simple technique of atomic absorption spectrometry.

It seemed certain that such a development would be immediately put to use by the chemists of his age, but quite the opposite was the case. For five years there were very few accounts of its use. Difficulties and discouragements fostered by early, poorly designed commercial equipment forced Sir Alan to produce a competitive instrument. Because of an Australian Government regulation he was not able to share in the patent rights to his own invention, so he gave the equipment away to "selected" scientists. These researchers readily demonstrated the overwhelming simplicity and usefulness of the technique and this stimulated industry to produce better equipment.

Surely at this point Sir Alan would receive worldwide acclaim. Again, the opposite was closer to the truth. Many scientists pursuing more conventional approaches, jealous of this important contribution, tried to discredit his pre-eminent position in the discovery. Others, particularly those companies with a vested financial interest in existing equipment for conventional approaches, attacked his findings endeavouring to show that important points in his conclusions were in error. Fortunately neither group was successful in their denigrations and Sir Alan, after ten years of frustration, finally received the accolades he deserved. Strangely, however, he has never directly profited, monetarily, from his discovery. Despite multi-million dollar industry profits, Sir Alan was, if anything, in a loss position financially.

The vast majority of us will never be associated with a discovery of such a magnitude. However, if we were, it is likely that the severe difficulties Sir Alan encountered would cause us to abandon the project. Certainly this would be the case for me. When I cast back in my mind and call up the image of this simple, unassuming, fun-loving scientist who, despite overwhelming adversity, reached the pinnacle of scientific success, I am ashamed at my depression over my much lesser problems.

I challenge the reader to look around. There will be many who are worse off than you and yet make very significant contributions to life. To me this is the ultimate in motivation. The following story of motivation involves my son but it is amusing and illustrative in a way with which an adult can relate

The following story of motivation involves my son but it is amusing and is illustrative in a manner an adult can relate with.

Competitive hockey is an all-consuming, all enveloping past time for my son. In his earlier years, without hockey, I feared he would drift into inactivity and laziness. Thus it was with chagrin that I noted toward the end of his pee-wee year in hockey (ages 12-13) that his play was beginning to lack intensity. He seemed to be losing his motivation to play hard enough to be picked for the next year's team. To counteract this, I decided to chide him after each game. For the last two months of the season, I hoped to be the burr under his saddle, so to speak, which would irritate him enough to make him play harder. So I would say, "You must play more aggressively. I mean, you look like a wimp out there. Anyone can knock you over. I want you to dig the puck out of the corners, skate harder and get back fast (he was a defenseman) to put a body check on the forwards. You've got to put the body on more! Your lack of aggressive play is pathetic! You'll never make the team next year!"

Despite the cajoling I noted little improvement in his play. Then, on the final Sunday of the season, the coach decided to have a "fun" game between fathers and sons. About half way through the final period, with the score tied 3-3, I was passed the puck at centre ice. Looking ahead, I saw there was no one between me and the opposing goalie. Pictures of me, the hero who was responsible for beating my son's team, flashed through my mind. I took three or four strong strides toward the goal when WHACK!, out of nowhere I was hit by what felt like a fast traveling truck. Down I went and my head hit the ice. I must have been unconscious for a few seconds. Then, gradually, I drifted back from the fog. I was lying on my back looking up when out of the mist my son appeared over me with his stick held menacingly in front of his chest. As he saw me coming around he said, "Dad, was that aggressive enough?"

You see, you never really know what will motivate a child (or indeed an adult). The next year he played with his usual very high intensity and had little trouble making the team.

###### Concentrate on Your Strengths

In our Spring of 1988 (Australian Fall) I traveled to Sydney to help a colleague set up and commission a new piece of scientific equipment, a plasma source mass spectrometer. (An amusing story surrounding this incident appears near the end of this book). This instrument was one of the first useful commercial offerings in the field. I had used a prototype of the equipment for two or three years in my own lab. Despite my early frustration with my equipment, I was one of only a handful of scientists in the world with relatively long experience in this area. To alleviate the expected tension that I would face while struggling to commission my colleague's instrument, I volunteered to coach ice hockey in a competitive league in New South Wales.

When I arrived in Canterbury, a suburb of Sydney, the bantam hockey team had never won even one game. After one practice session under my direction the team made it to the grand final in an Easter hockey tournament. Even though we lost the final, the success the team experienced during this brief interaction with my methods and motivation, was very uplifting. Drawing on my hockey coaching experience at home made it quite simple for me to help turn the team's fortunes around. I noted that the opposing teams frequently shot the puck out of their own end, not against the boards as teams in Canada were always taught, but up through the centre of the ice (the slot). I simply instructed my best goal scorer to position himself in the slot every time the opposing team tried to bring the puck out. Because of this, he scored five goals in our first game!

It was so easy for a Canadian to coach ice hockey successfully in a country like Australia, where ice hockey is a minor sport. With a few new "tricks" and a highly motivated team, success can almost be assured. Such success was essential for me because I knew how frustrated I would be with the scientific work, for which I really went.

The importance of doing things that you know you can do well to balance the academic and vocational frustrations that commonly occur for the learning disabled are obvious.

###### Self Discipline is Vital

Nothing eats away at the underpinnings of motivation more insidiously than lack of success in a landmark task. My first book had a senior coauthor, my research director during my PhD. Out of the ample talent pool he had, why he chose me was a mystery but of course a highly motivating and self confidence building happenstance.

We were being jerked about like a kite on a windy day. Our publisher, a large and well known scientific book company, was on the verge of canceling our contract. There had recently been several serious arguments relating to the content, format and length of the book. This was in spite of what we felt was a firm agreement on these matters signed three years before. (During the same period, several of my research papers had also been turned down by the scientific publishers.)

A final letter came stating that several sections of the book were not in the format required for publication and that changes were essential. A close scrutiny of the requested modifications revealed they were entirely in segments I had prepared. My first reaction was to abandon the task.

Throughout my life, abandonment of any project was very uncharacteristic of my behaviour. In this instance the frustration of the work had threatened the research side of my commitments. Thus the manuscript remained abandoned on my desk and soon was hidden in the usual untidy mess. I had not even informed my senior author of its non-progress. Reappearance during a hunt for other material jolted me back to an embarrassed reunion with the offending work. Surprisingly its absence from my attentions proved fortunate because I found myself able to begin again with revisions. How amazing it is to find that the rejected material really was in bad condition despite all my earlier changes. This realization became common in my career and often I would wonder whether progress was really occurring.

Beamish, the senior author, with his characteristic tenacity, began his part of the chore. The manuscript, which had already been three years in preparation, was subjected to additional severe modifications and corrections over the next seven months. It was immediately resubmitted. Imagine our horror when three weeks later a letter came asking us to allow the publisher out of the contract. All this time, hours of frustration, blood, sweat and tears and now rejection! Beamish, in the meantime, had become seriously ill and was recovering slowly. This news and the uncertainty it implied about the publication future of an important segment of his life's work was, in my view, a devastating blow from which he never fully recovered.

I could neither anticipate nor expect any further help from Beamish. The predicament was mine. Every time the dilemma crossed my mind I broke out in a cold sweat. Indeed, it got so I could not broach the subject without a torrent of self-pity mixed with a strong desire to throw the manuscript in the garbage. However, forcing myself to begin I wrote to a variety of new publishers. Within a few months we had negotiated another contract. Again changes, which were made over what seemed to be an eternity (actually about six months) were essential. But this time the publication process was completed.

In retrospect, this was for me the turning point on the tortuous pathway to professional respectability. I had used strong self-discipline in a task that seemed to involve insurmountable odds and had won. I was now confident that the mechanism for modest success was in place. All that was essential was an overwhelming tenacity to the task. Never mind that the route was, and always will be, severed with seemingly unbreachable chasms. Ignore the fact that these impediments do not exist for many of my colleagues. I was now confident that the bridges could be constructed and the roadbed built, albeit laboriously, to successfully overcome these difficulties

It was 3:00 a.m. as I tiptoed through the house to let the dog out. As I passed the family room door, there, in the glow of the blank TV screen and one small lamp, I saw my daughter, a study card in hand. She appeared to be in the exact same position where I had left her the evening before. But now, scattered in every direction between the sofa and the coffee table, lay a blanket of notes. It was the early morning of her final exam in first-year psychology

My eldest daughter had to work so very hard for every mark in every exam and every assignment. Instead of giving up as studies got tough, like several of her friends had done, she worked harder and harder. This type of work habit did not develop overnight. The groundwork was laid in elementary school. Then very gradually, through the high school years self discipline grew. She had learned to put studies before social events, sports and hobbies. She was even able to study during brief periods of illness. Now, at the advent of her university career, she had arrived with the discipline to do whatever was necessary to pass examinations and to complete projects well and on time. None of this disciplined approach to her studies came as a result of parental prodding. It was a classic case of self-discipline. Her study pattern had become exemplary.

The procedure much like mine was this. Beginning with the first lectures, she summarized all course material onto study cards. Today these could be separate pages of a computer file. This material was then committed to memory during regularly designated study periods, several times each week. Yet she was not pleased with her preparation unless she spent most of the night before an exam in continual review of the material. Then a very short period was left for rest and sleep (if she could). In this one respect I do not concur with her approach. I suggest it is better to go to bed at the normal hour. But as I recollect back to my own tenure as a university student, I cannot imagine that my approach could have been much different.

Do you have the self discipline to regularly force yourself to do work you find difficult or distasteful? For me, library research - the reading of scientific papers that relate to my own work is essential to maintaining a viable research program. My extreme difficulties with reading make such a task detestable. In fact, I have often considered that attending a funeral is about on the same level of enjoyment as library research. Yet, not only have I forced myself to do such reading on a regular basis, but I have even extended the limits and depth of coverage to the point that I end up writing and publishing critical reviews of the material. This latter undertaking stems naturally from the reading and summarization methodology that I am obliged to employ to understand and then become knowledgeable on such subjects. In this way I can often turn a reading disadvantage into a small vocational achievement.

###### Breaking the Chain of Frustration

It was white with brown markings but, incredibly, was almost invisible against the summer foliage of the arctic tundra. Quite the opposite to the misconception of many, the summer arctic is ablaze with {lowering plants. The ptarmigan I was chasing, however, escaped my notice several times before I successfully captured it on film.

I was in the Canadian Arctic in June, to help establish a small chemistry laboratory associated with a gold mine. It was important for me to arrive, complete my work and leave in three days. Few planes came to the mine and the only one was expected in the near future was in three days. This then would mean concentrated work, an approach that I would not be able to adhere to without chancing severe frustration and inefficiency. However, I successfully accomplished the task by:

1. Working long hours (only five hours sleep each night), and

2. Using half to one-hour intervals of concentrated work, broken up by fifteen-minute intervals for intensive relaxation

The laboratory was a small building, fifteen by twenty feet in floor space. The front door spilled out onto a plush carpet of wild flowers, and small flowering bushes embedded in mosses. In the air there was a cacophony of bird songs. I worked intensively for an interval and then put down my equipment at a convenient spot (often when some reaction or evaporation was proceeding). Instead of standing, worrying about the success of the work and the next step, I ventured into the surrounding area. With bird book in hand I tracked down nesting birds, identifying them in the book margins, collecting typical flora to bring back to my office for mounting in a frame. Such active recreation completely swept the concerns about my research aside at frequent intervals and sent me back to the laboratory with a vigor that is characteristic of a person who newly undertakes a task. In this manner I was able to outwork even the seasoned laboratory personnel \- those who are used to performing continuously under the adverse and frustrating conditions of a field laboratory.

For the problem learner, the pursuit of success can be fraught with severe problems. It is so very easy to become dominated by depression, to be devoid of pleasant thoughts and unable to perceive a future in anything but the most pessimistic and bleak terms. Tasks that are so easy for others become a seemingly unending sequence of frustrating and impossible prospects. This chain must be (and can be) broken.

Each one of us has interests that could be developed into hobbies and leisure time pursuits, in my case the birds in the above example. I can remember during times of severe depression that, when unused, these interests seemed to wane almost to nothing. I have learned that development of this facet of my life can serve an important purpose in expediting work activities. I also know people who are dominated by their leisure pursuits. They become so involved in hobbies that work becomes secondary. This extreme must also be avoided. Here, self-discipline is the answer. But a problem learner can use an involvement in hobbies as a safety valve against the frustrations and depressions of work.

My youngest daughter is a good example of finding enjoyment in a task despite frustration. She came second in the figure skating club competition in 1984 and qualified for inter-club competition. This was the first time in ten years of intensive skating that she had achieved such a success. In two other competitions she had done well in figures, but had had problems with free style. On that day everything went well. Figure skating is an exacting and precise sport. It is perhaps, at first thought, a poor choice as a hobby for someone needing a break from academic frustration. But she became an accomplished skater and it was, at the very least, something she did better than any of her school friends.

Disaster struck in the inter-club competition when she fell three times during the free skating competition. Luckily in the end the frustration and tears of this mishap did not detract from the exhilaration of competition, and the very significant accomplishment of finishing eighth in a field of fifteen.

###### Physical Fitness

Whether we like it or not, appearance affects the way we are treated. Good looking people often obtain preferential attention, not only socially, but in the working environment. In this way they have an edge. Although we can do little to change our basic physical attributes (without expensive cosmetic surgery) there are ways that almost anyone can obtain a physical edge.

Obviously the way one dresses or uses make-up sets the tone of physical appearance. Of equal importance I discovered is being physically fit. Fitness not only has a positive effect on appearance, but will also give you a mental edge, greater stamina and a feeling of well- being.

I definitely do not recommend you take physical fitness to the extremes that I do. It seems I can never do anything half-way.

Some years ago during my late thirties I was in hospital recovering from depression. The doctor decided to do a series of biochemical tests. When the results came back he told me I was a prime candidate for heart trouble. I weighed 198 pounds and looked something like a plump Christmas turkey. My heart raced after even the least expenditure of physical activity (probably due mainly to the long convalescence). I had high blood pressure. The triglyceride levels in my blood were so high that fatty deposits filling one-quarter of the blood vial settled out in a short period. It was frightening!

A convoluted but related factor follows. Despite my best efforts to the contrary, I suffered periods of deep depression during which thoughts of suicide pervaded my mind. These feelings had become as common as putting on clothes in the morning. Strangely, however, I found myself to be truly frightened of dying when brought face to face with the sudden death possibility described by the doctor. In retrospect, I think I used thoughts of suicide only as a safety valve when times got toughest never intending to really do the job. This was obvious because faced now with a real possibility, even probability, of a death beyond my control, I panicked. For this reason I resolved to regain control. The doctor and I sat down and discussed what could be done. Three avenues for improvement were suggested: medication, special diet and exercise. As exercise, he prescribed walking with intermittent jogging for distances increasing gradually to one mile. Over the years I had engaged in periods of jogging, but these were followed by long intervals of inactivity. My strong capabilities for self-discipline drove me into a regime of strict adherence to the doctor's orders, at least in two of the three categories. I reasoned that medication and physical fitness, coupled with a reasoned approach to eating, would see me through. Indeed, after only one-and-a-half years I had lost appreciable weight and felt much better, not only physically but mentally as well.

Herein, however, lays a personal weakness. Even though I was making excellent progress I was far from satisfied. It seemed probable to me that if one mile of jogging and walking was helping, one mile of total jogging would mean an even greater improvement. After achieving this plateau and feeling great, I reasoned that two and then three and then more miles of jogging would take me to much loftier heights. With this reasoning and at the end of a six-year span I found myself routinely running up to twelve miles a day and entering races. I weighed 153 pounds, a loss of 45 pounds! I felt great! (My family said I looked anorectic).

Most importantly, I approached life and its daily problems in a vastly more positive frame of mind. My energy level was many times what it was before. I bound in to work each day. Although I still sometimes wondered frequently how I will face daily awesome looking tasks, I was almost completing the required work.

It is always wise to consult a doctor before undertaking new programs of medication, diet and physical exercise. It is appalling to see the lack of physical fitness in the general "healthy" population. Many of my teenaged students pant and wheeze after climbing the three flights of stairs to my laboratory. Then, slumped over desks, propped up against laboratory benches and stifling yawns they try to work. I think back only a few years ago and I remember the feeling well. I know that even at my much older age I still have an edge!

###### Organization

Many people work inefficiently because they are not organized. I know that efficient organization would be an important factor giving me an advantage over other people. Each day I wasted valuable time looking for items in my office. Finding letters caused me the most trouble.

In one way I have developed a skill in organization and that is in preparing a list each night of what I must accomplish the next day. Many people must use this approach because there is a wide variety of computer software containing blank "to do" lists. Because of my learning challenges this is a complex task compared to most people and discussed in detail below.

_It should have been very simple; the letter was on my desk. The trouble was that_ so _was almost everything else in my office. Material was piled in sloping, precarious piles over flowing the top and sides of the desk. Almost nothing was in files. From time to time the piles became too tall and material fell off Sometimes I found, to my horror that it fluttered directly' into the waste basket._

I had been working this way for years because I was unable to organize a proper filing system. Oh, I could make up files all right - folders with names to contain the material. But then I forgot where I filed things and was unable to make a logical system. Much of what was filed was lost forever, as surely as if it had been purposely thrown away. My salvation in this matter was to have someone come in to design and construct a proper system. The new scheme consisted of coloured files with simple headings. My efficiency went up immediately. Still my desk remained topped by a series of piles across the back and down the sides, but at least now these are smaller and more compact. Seldom does anything fall into the waste basket and I rarely lose anything \- at least not permanently.

I am sure there would still be a pile of clean laundry in the middle of my bedroom floor if my mother had not labeled each of my bureau and closet drawers with the items to be placed therein. She put labels such as underwear, socks, shirts, pajamas on the proper drawers and all I had to do was to match the correct item with the correct drawer.

Organization is a difficult and frustrating task for the learning challenged, but it is crucially important. Don't be afraid to ask for help (parents, siblings, friends and co-workers) because it will give you an edge if you become well organized. To be honest in many ways I still suffer from organizational deficiencies.

###### Set Realistic Goals

Setting goals is an important factor in the proper organization of our lives. This is especially true for the learning disabled. It is very common for a person to be unable to see accurately the real progress in his vocation. Often this is more apparent than real. Unless progress can be measured easily, it is natural to feel uncertain about your advancement. In this regard the setting of goals can be very helpful. A mistake people commonly make is to set goals that are either too high or too low. When defining goals it is important to be realistic. For the learning disabled, who continuously are subjected to criticism and failure, it is especially important to set goals that are attainable. At the beginning there is nothing wrong with setting goals in the lower difficulty range. As a pattern of success is developed, the goals can then be made more difficult. It is important to set both long- and short-term goals.

For example, in 1978 I decided to run in the Toronto marathon by 1982 (long-term fitness goal). In the shorter time period I proposed to achieve an average of nine-minute miles over three miles by the end of 1979. I achieved both of these goals. In fact, I could actually do eight-minute-thirty-second miles over three miles by the end of 1979.

My performance in the Toronto marathon of 1982 was humorous at best. I set a goal of finishing in less than four hours. In the euphoria and excitement at the start of the race I began at a pace that was much too fast. (I had poorly organized my race plan). By the half-way point I knew I was tiring badly. In fact, as we turned around the midway point to come back, I could barely see that prominent Toronto landmark, the CN Tower, in the distance. I knew I had to pass this tower before reaching the finish. As a result at that point I almost gave up. At about the three-quarter mark, one of my shoe laces became untied. I sat down on a low fence post to rectify this problem. When I tried to get back up I felt dizzy and almost fell down. In what must have been a comical shuffling gait, I continued. From this point to the finish I remember very little. However when my time was posted it was three hours, 59 minutes and 58 seconds, just barely within my goal of "running" the race in under four hours!

###### Schedule Time Effectively

I realized that one of my problems in preparing for vocational commitments such as important meetings I was not having enough time to do the essential preparation while trying to keep up with the other multitudinous daily tasks. My required preparation time was depleted by inefficient attempts to finish other important tasks. I began to organize my tasks into categories of importance. There were those that:

1. had to be done immediately

2. had to be done today

3. should be done today,

4. had to be done this week,

5. should be done this week, and so on.

I set up a period for crucial tasks in prime time each day. I carefully itemized tasks (my to do lists mentioned above) and assigned time intervals. Periods for other essential work were planned and tasks were again assigned times. Of equal importance, I planned time for leisure, family and friends. Then there were periods I spent on buses, subways, at lunch, and so on, when I could be handle less demanding tasks (reading of marginally important material). In this way the important tasks always got done under the best conditions and even those items of marginal necessity could be attempted. Through scheduling marginally important tasks were never allowed to interfere with prime time critical work and my wasted time was minimized. In this way I had developed another special learner edge.

I stress that work periods for the special learner should be relatively short followed by brief breaks. Initially I failed to recognize this need in my own schedule. Work intervals can then be sequenced one after the other as long as a break occurs after each one. I also find it necessary to change the subject on which I am working frequently since long periods of concentration on anyone topic produce frustration and inefficiency.

###### Organization of Time

1. Do a time log assessment of present daily activities and critically evaluate it.

2. Set up a new time schedule.

(a) Work in both long- and short-term goals.

(b) Write down every task.

(c) Divide work into categories of importance.

(d) Make work periods of relatively short duration (e.g. thirty to forty minutes followed by a short break of ten minutes).

(e) Include leisure and family activities.

Sometimes scheduling can get out of hand. For example, I realized I needed a better overall plan to enable me to deal with all the components of my day. These include:

(a) meals, bedtime

(b) letter writing

(c) manuscript writing

(d) teaching

(e) lecture preparation

(f) administrative duties

(g) reading journals

(h) doing research

(i) meeting with graduate and undergraduate students

(j) family

(K) travel to and from work

(l)leisure

In my usual way, I began by assessing my present approach. I needed more time than my colleagues did to complete work. I also had to do more than they did just to survive. I found that although I didn't seem to have time left in my "busy" day for anything more, when I did a critical minute-by-minute time assessment (in table form), it turned out there were gaps that could be filled fruitfully and other intervals that could be used more efficiently.

Initially I created a schedule for work and living that was so tightly structured that if something went wrong and a delay occurred, it fouled up the whole schedule for that day. This plus the fact that I was doing research at both the University and in my home led to overwork, mental fatigue and finally a breakdown. My schedule was so full that I sometimes found it necessary to do important journal reading on the subway on the way home. If there was too much noise on the subway on a particular day and I failed to complete the job, I got angry. So you can see why I developed problems caused by stress.

After becoming established at the University, I abandoned such tightly controlled schedules in favour of something more suitable for my well established years. But the fact remains that I might not have been able to survive as a university faculty member without such an intensive approach during my early vocational years.

# Chapter 3

# Basic Learning Strategies

As adults most readers will have finished their education while others may contemplate continuing on a part time basis. In any case if we wish to improve our vocation performance the following learning strategies are essential.

###### Write it Down

I have learned through bitter experience to write everything of importance down. In this way I am at ease and I function more efficiently. This means carrying a pencil and paper at all times. I keep a pad and pencil with me even on the bus, usually while I jog and beside my bed at night. If I wake up and think of something important I will not be able to get back to sleep unless I write it down. Once I do that, the pressure is off.

Jogging seemed to stimulate my memory and many times I found myself thinking of important material that suddenly and inexplicably pops from the recesses of my mind. Without pencil and paper I would have to phrase these in an efficient and catching way and then repeat them continuously until I got home. Now, better prepared, I could write them down, slip back into a mental quiescence and return home mentally refreshed, instead of frazzled.

###### Use Your Total Sensory Package

As I look back over my rather up and down academic career, I can recognize certain intervals during which success in learning was more likely than at others. These typically were times when learning was dominated by auditory aspects.

The air could be cut with a knife. It was a typical London fog filled with brown fumes and sulfurous gases to the point where even a healthy person gagged. This was the early 1960s before conversion from coal burning had become widespread. Foolishly, I stepped from my room at University College, London, into the street and began jogging. It was late and traffic was almost nil. Apart from the fact that I could hardly see three feet in front of my face, each breath was laboured. Even at the beginning I was out of breath. I was sucking and wheezing like an old man with emphysema. I began to cough and tears filled my stinging eyes, further impeding my vision. I was now navigating mainly by ear.

_Jogging in the centre of London was dangerous even under the best of conditions, but with my keen sense of hearing I found myself at least able to navigate acceptably, or_ so _I thought. One advantage for a North American using his ear to navigate is that he is not as likely to be killed as he would be by looking the wrong way when entering traffic (which flows down the left side of the road). I felt I was doing exceptionally well, considering conditions, when BANG. I felt a crushing blow to the stomach followed by a crunch to the forehead .._. _then nothing, When consciousness slowly returned, I was lying in the hospital on a cart. A nurse loomed suddenly over me, "Crazy Canadians sure are lucky," she admonished. "They found you draped over the guard rail swinging precariously out over the Thames."_

I had reached Victoria Embankment, but failed to turn as I approached the river. I bumped into the railing and ricocheted off the base of a light standard. In this case, emphasizing my best sense (hearing) was far from enough and it nearly got me killed. Here, as in learning, it is essential to use a multi-sensory package.

Suddenly I realized I was covered with large red Brazilian ants crawling up my legs, underneath my pants, into my underwear and onto my chest and back, When provoked they bit ferociously. The total effect of dozens of biting ants was like a fire slowly enveloping my entire body. The more I jumped, squirmed and swatted, the worse the biting became. But these were reflex actions and it took me several minutes to control myself and realize this was the worst approach to the problem. The only solution was to strip and pick them off one by one, which I did, helped by a friend and his wife.

In Brazil, unlike Canada, a step from a roadway can be an unexpected adventure. This incident occurred during a bird watching trip in the rural areas adjacent to the city of Campinas, Sao Paulo State, Brazil. It was not a trip to the wild jungles, simply a Sunday drive along country roads. The full amusing story of this adventure is in the last section of this book.

Experiences such as these graphically illustrate the importance of the total sensory package to our perceptions. Just as motivation and self-discipline are the cornerstones of achieving and maintaining success, using the senses efficiently is essential to the success strategy. It is crucially important to use as many senses as possible in learning.

You might argue that book pages and notes, apart from being somewhat musty in odour, bland to the taste, smooth to the touch and rustling softly when crinkled, have little to impart to our sense of smell, taste, feel and hearing. How then can a person be expected to use these senses when learning through reading?

Hearing is a common method of learning for example when attending a lecture. Of course it is easy to use your hearing for learning even when by yourself. Find an appropriate local and if you are reading something for study purposes simply read out loud. In addition, the reading can be recorded and played back later. I frequently read out loud when learning in my office at the University or in my room at home. I am sure this behaviour has puzzled students and colleagues and sometime even my wife. This behavior has the added advantage that people are not inclined to disturb you thinking that you are likely busy with someone else. Apart from the learning advantage of such an approach I have probably also avoided many hours of time-wasting conversations. Reading my notes and books aloud is crucial to me because of my average auditory memory and my very poor visual memory.

What about smell, taste and feel? Granted, I find these of much less use. While reading I use my finger to trace my way down a page. I have trained myself to "feel out" key words and phrases that are triggered by my eye. In this way, I imprint the idea more strongly in my mind. I have trained myself to "feel out" key words and phrases that are triggered by my eye. In this way, I imprint the idea more strongly in my mind. In a similar way, the senses of smell and taste can be used as additional imprinting techniques. All this takes much practice, but is well worth the effort. As initial guidelines I suggest associating very familiar smells and tastes with key words and phrases. Then practice the generation of these in the imagination as they are encountered in the reading.

Sooner or later important segments will become associated with their own characteristic odours and tastes. Using my senses to advantage gives me another special learner edge.

###### Reading

I was fast approaching a four-fold major arterial intersection in downtown Melbourne. Driving on the left-hand side of the road was enough of a challenge, but now I was being tailgated by a large lorry. In 1975 there were no traffic lights or stop signs at this intersection and the only driving rule I had grasped was to give way to the vehicle on the right. A comment I had heard at a recent party flashed into my mind. Someone, remarking on the treacherous nature of Melbourne driving, suggested the safest way to negotiate such an intersection was to close your eyes and push the accelerator to the floor. Despite my inexperience with Australian city driving, I did successfully negotiate this nightmare. A few days later, speaking to Sir Alan Walsh, my Melbourne mentor, I commented somewhat frustrated, "I've read the Victoria State Driver's Manual, but I can't seem to make sense of all the rules. Those that I do understand, I can't remember."

Without even the hint of a smile Sir Alan replied, "Don't worry about it. There is really only one driving rule here and that is: Give way to lorries!"

In actual fact driving in Melbourne in the 1970's was unnerving at best and overall troublesome for most who have originated from right-hand drive jurisdiction.

For three-quarters of my life I avoided facing the fact that I was unable to learn from books in a normal way. After the discovery of my learning disability it was easier to convince myself to admit this fact.

On the bookshelf in my office sat a row of textbooks from my undergraduate and graduate school days at university. These represented some of the required books for the courses I took. A skimming of these recently reminded me again how little they had been used. A mathematics book, in particular, was of interest. It was the text for a course I had failed in second year. The professor had presided over open discussions in class, instead of giving lectures. These discussions were based on difficulties students had encountered in learning the course by reading assigned sections in the text before each "lecture" period. Throughout the margins of this book cryptic, often vulgar, comments abounded relating to my reading challenges. Although I had forgotten about my frustrations with this course, the comments brought these feelings rushing back. In response to this reaction I could feel a slight dampness developing in the corners of my eyes, the closest I usually come to actually crying. At times like this I have to fight the impulse to feel sorry for myself. I know how silly this must sound, considering all the advantages I have compared to others, despite my problem.

The telephone rang, interrupting my reading momentarily. I had turned the book face down on the desk to preserve my place. Returning to the task, my first reaction was that I had never seen the material before. In fact, when I scanned back over the preceding two pages, the contents also seemed new. It was quite possible I had misplaced my position because pages could easily have flipped before the book was firmly on the desk. Recognizing this, I began reading the previous 2 pages of material. But after two pages of reading I came suddenly to a familiar heading.

The problem of unknowingly reading the same material twice is a frequent occurrence. It serves to jolt me back to the reality that I cannot learn by reading in the normal way. Although I have

developed a more useful approach to reading, I often find myself slipping back to a more conventional pattern but of course with adverse results.

###### How I Read

Oh, come now! A university professor who reads books and articles written for children to obtain important information? How could this be? Authors of book material for children or thos writers that have .."For Idiots" in their book titles are usually gifted at explaining topics in very simple terms. Before tackling more advanced treatments, I often read material to garner a simple, clear and concise overview of a subject. Another ploy I commonly use is to consult Wikipedia or URL's like "How Stuff Works".

It is impossible for me to read sentence after sentence in the order they appear in an article or book. I divide the manuscript into sections sometime with the help of tables of contents, headings or the index, speculating on where the important information-bearing material will be found. Usually much, if not most, of an article is filler or repetition. Typically the middle sections contain the least concise information. As one might expect, after all this mumbo-jumbo, writers worry whether they have made their points and so they frequently have a concluding few pages in a book venue or a concluding paragraph in an article containing most of the important data in a highly condensed form. For this reason, I read the opening abstract and concluding parts of an article or book first.

There is a skill in the use of highlighting and most readers fail to recognize this fact. Look at the average person doing highlighting and the pages are awash in colour. The majority of people have little conception of what really deserves marking. That is because the normal or skilled reader really doesn't need highlighting to remember what they read. Key words and phrases are really quite rare in a compendium and the reader must develop a skill at marking only the really important material. Multi colour highlighting if used properly can be useful in connecting instances on the main topics but again must be used intelligently.

###### Reading Techniques

1. Read a simple account of the topic of interest first.

2. Divide the manuscript into sections; identify important sections, paragraphs, phrases, words.

3. Read conclusion and abstract (if they can be found) first.

4. Read other important sections next.

5. Read for ideas.

6. Give special attention to first and last sentences in a paragraph.

7. Read out loud.

8 Turn headings into questions (then look for the answers).

9. Write down important points while reading.

10. Summarize the important points:

(a) on cards or sheets of paper (use your own words),

(b) on a tape recorder.

(c) on pages in a computer file

11. Repeat the important material in an article again and again.

Nowadays, small abstracts of the important findings in an article commonly appear italicized under the title. If this is present I read it first. After reading such small amounts of the commentary, I typically know more than 50% of what is important in the document. It remains simply to flesh out the informational root stock. This can be done by quickly scanning the article looking for key words. These are often in headings or at the beginning or ending of paragraphs. These I highlight in different colors for different types of information and then the material is summarized. Summaries containing the "selected" facts are the only guarantee that each time all the important facts will be selected. I find, however, that with practice over the years, I have optimized my abilities to choose the most important material.

It is often difficult to break up an article that you are reading into manageable, learnable, segments. In many writings the author will help by providing headings. Moreover, if a heading is used solely to divide an article and inform as to type of contents, some of its usefulness is lost. The reader will be more likely to look for the important information if the heading appears as a question. In an article on sugar the heading, "Sugar's Successful By-Product," would more efficiently inveigle the reader's interest if it were rephrased, "What is Sugar's Successful By- Product?" This prods the reader to look for the answer. Writers will seldom formulate headings as questions, but the reader can do this for himself. If an article is written without headings, as often is the case, I find it useful to provide my own after the first reading. This forces me to understand what a segment within an article is all about while making it easier to read in ensuing attempts.

"A picture is worth a thousand words," is an often-stated truism for most people. If I can mentally construct a picture of what I am reading it is easier to remember the contents. A mental picture is much like a good summary. Also, the process required to construct an accurate mental picture leads to a better understanding of the components of an article. It is even better if I can relate the mental picture to something within my own experience.

It is the important components of an article and their interrelationships that the reader must identify and then commit to memory. Such a piece of writing can be viewed as a mystery to be unlocked. It is important to read for ideas. These ideas or important parts can best be uncovered using the techniques outlined above.

Learning occurs through both sight and hearing. I found early in my struggles that if I mouthed what I was reading, at even a very low volume level, I improved my retention. I resort to this procedure particularly when I am experiencing difficulties in understanding or in concentration.

Anything that I wish to learn must be written down concisely or using a computer work sheet so I can read it and write it time and time again. I do this after having withdrawn the facts from the filler. This has two benefits: (1) I achieve an efficient outline of the facts, and (2) in order to obtain the concise facts, I must understand what I am reading. In other words I often read words, but when pressed for what is really being said I cannot respond. If, however, I am forced to extract the meaning before writing it down, then I have understood what has been said.

Frequently, when sentences are long, complicated or have words I don't recognize, I must simplify these before extracting the data. Long sentences can often be broken into two or more parts and then read separately. Sometimes, I understand a view espoused in a sentence only after I have explained it to myself or argued with myself silently or out loud about the meaning. Some of my best arguments have been with me.

###### Learning by Listening

In the above section on reading I have highlighted an auditory component. It is important to emphasize all your perceptual strengths in learning and that is why I use auditory approaches as much as possible.

I benefit greatly if I can hear a concept espoused as opposed to see it only in print. Because

of this, I never skipped classes or important meetings even when the later would result in detailed minutes. I record many of my summaries on tapes. These can be replayed when the summaries are reread. I must admit to not having as much need for such auditory ploys as I once did; I don't think I learn any more easily, it's just that I have optimized my other approaches.

The nasal "honk" of the Japanese crow is louder and much more dominant than that of any crow I have heard elsewhere around the world. Jogging in much of Tokyo is a difficult task because of the traffic. In order to jog, it was necessary to do so at times when the traffic was lightest. In Ropongi, where I was living, this was between about 2:30 and 4:30 a.m. Each morning it became my habit to arise at 3:00 a.m. for a one-hour jog. But Ropongi, known in Tokyo as "the poor man's Ginza", never really sleeps and I was greeted frequently by the nasal renditions of the neighbourhood crows that,

in spite of the darkness, were often disturbed by the sounds of the abundant nightlife. But the crows were not the only interesting living forms flitting about the darkened parks and the other by-ways of Ropongi.

_One morning, as I jogged by the "Purple Onion Cafe", now devoid of the crowds of beautiful people of Tokyo who jam its floors to overflowing each evening, I heard the pitter-patter of running feet behind me. Sensing a race, I quickened my pace. The runners likewise picked up speed. As we flashed by the Ropongi subway station, I increased speed again and once more this was matched by the ghostly footsteps behind. Suddenly I heard a volley of giggles. Looking back, the most bizarre and unexpected sight greeted my eyes. I was being pursued by a few of Ropongi's ladies of the evening. I thought to myself, business really must be bad if they must pursue each potential customer in this manner. It must have presented quite a comical picture_ \- _the "virile" Canadian, jogging at top speed, being matched step-for-step by Tokyo's finest "ladies" decked out in their business clothes, including high-heeled boots. The end to this story must be left to the reader's imagination because I refuse to divulge the final outcome of the race._

I came to Tokyo to give an invited talk at an international scientific conference and to work with a colleague at the University of Tokyo. It was during the latter period that I became startlingly aware of the importance of listening and note taking in my learning process. For twenty-five years I have laboured to understand some of the theory in my research area.

Because of my inability to learn all of this theory, I had to slant my work, very strongly, to applied problems. Attempts to understand the theory have involved the reading of a number of books and the perusal of dozens of review articles. In most cases, I gave up after a few pages, because I could not remember material prerequisite to the more difficult concepts. This was even true in spite of using as many "tricks" of summarizing as I could devise. I remained for years in this state of a sort of theoretical paucity. This was a matter of severe concern because many times I would be embarrassed in in-depth discussions with colleagues.

While in Tokyo, I heard an excellent' lecture by a brilliant American scientist and colleague, Dr. Jim Winefordner also referenced above). Jim was lecturing to a graduate class at the University of Tokyo at the same time I was there. Suddenly, the lights came on and for the first time I achieved an insight into the bulk of the theory of my specialty.

How had Jim succeeded in penetrating the theory-phobic recesses of my mind? Why, suddenly, was this material clear when all previous attempts had failed? Jim's flair for presentation of well summarized material in a format that only a learning challenged person could fully appreciate was the answer. Because my main problem is visual and my auditory processes are at least average, this oral presentation maximized my chances for success. As a backup and to ensure a suitable record of the material, I obtained Jim's lecture notes for copying. I still have these in a special DVD and I keep it despite being retired.

###### Listen for 'a Skeletal Summary

Many speakers give a topic-by-topic summary of the material covered. This is provided either at the beginning or the end of a presentation. Such a summary is of great help to the listener in organization of the material after the talk. If given beforehand, the summary can then also help to key important material during the talk.

###### Listen for Key Words and Phrases

The English announcements at Rio de Janeiro International airport were surprisingly clear. I should not have had any difficulty in connecting with my flight to New York. A woman's voice announced the arrivals and departures and any other important information in a slow, almost artificially precise, English phraseology. Word came that my flight was delayed and that further information would be available soon. At frequent intervals the expected time of departure was updated and this went on for such a long time that I began listening only in a very casual way.

My Varig Airlines flight was now to leave at 10:10 p.m. Unfortunately, a Pan Am flight with a closely similar flight number, also regularly scheduled to New York, was to depart a few minutes later at 10:25. Somehow, through a lack of at tention to detail, (picking up the key word, Varig) I had become locked in to the departure information on the Pan Am flight. It was only through my penchant for boarding flights , at the earliest possible time and my jogging capabilities that I didn't miss the Varig flight. I arrived casually at the gate for the first boarding call of the Pan Am airplane, only to be told by the attendant that I had the wrong flight and that the last call for my flight had just been given. I had to sprint through the crowded departure area to a location several gates away. From there I bolted down the galley way to the plane to find the door was already partially closed. Fortunately, my breathless but noisy approach alerted the flight personnel and they let me on "board.

This is a rather vivid illustration of how important key words can be in establishing the correct perception. It is crucial to identify key words and phrases in a talk and to record these accurately. Phrases commonly used by speakers, such as the following, help identify important material:

(a) This is important ...

(b) A key point is ...

(c) This will be on the required at a later date ...

(d) Three principal conclusions are ...

### Writing

Most vocations require writing of one type or another, particularly reports. Although my work required more types of writing than most the following suggestions are applicable to a wide range of types of writing needs including reports. The following were developed when I prepared material for typists; I still use the exact same strategies with my computer writing activities.

###### Fleshing Out the Skeleton

We _rattled thunderously down the pock-marked highway, stopping only now and then at the governmental check points between the abundant districts in this part of India. The many people walking, bicycling or traveling by ox cart, were sent leaping from the path of our onrushing vehicle. I was just marveling at how well the driver managed to avoid hitting anyone when there was a sudden jolt followed by two bumps as the car hit and either killed or injured a dog._

The driver swore under his breath and didn't even slow down. Up ahead I could see a cloud of black vultures circling languidly against the bright blue sky. As we came closer, the flock seemed to be spiraling down through a building with no roof. Coming abreast of the structure it was obvious this edifice had been designed with no roof. A sudden twist in the road took us momentarily along a small open section in the wall; a sickening taste crept up into my throat. I was gazing at piles of human carcasses of deceased adherents to one of India's many religions being quickly de-fleshed by a mass of ugly black vultures. Here and there the white sheen of the bones reflected the brilliant sunlight that pervaded the scene. Within hours this pile of lifeless humanity would be nothing but skeletons bleaching in the sun.

The human skeleton, of course, is the structural member of the body on which is hung the flesh and other bodily organs. In writing, a similar approach can be taken. First, produce the skeleton and then garnish this framework with "flesh". The "skeleton" consists of the various sections of the article outlined in point form under headings. The "flesh" is the contents recast in the form of sentences and paragraphs. For all but the most seasoned authors it is impossible to write well by initially stringing together words in a grammatically acceptable manner.

###### Apply the Stimuli

Despite completion of six books and over 150 scientific research papers, I find each writing assignment extremely difficult. If I am to succeed in completing particularly the large projects, a high degree of motivation and psyching up is essential.

For this purpose I can employ a number of positive and negative stimuli. The use of positive forces is easily understood. However, in my case it can be equally helpful to employ negative factors. The best of these, for me, is to become contractually obligated during the euphoria of the early planning stage when I am still uncertain of my ability to complete the project. Once this occurs I am forced, come hell or high water, to at least begin. Another ploy is to announce my early plans to bosses, students and associates in a manner that leaves little room for backing out later when the going gets tough.

Once the decision to begin has been made I write the easiest sections first. In this way completion of some segments of the project will impart momentum that can help catapult me into, and then through, the more difficult quagmire that awaits.

###### Writing Technique Summary

1. Skeleton - decide on the section divisions (headings).

2. Sketch the article using single words and phrases.

3.Using separate sheets for each section, write out each section in rough in point form.

4.Do "easiest" parts first.

5. Now write each section in sentences and paragraphs.

6. If you _have_ trouble with sentences or paragraphs, say what you are trying to write into a tape recorder and write this down during a reply (many people say things better than they write them).

7. Use short, uncomplicated sentences.

8. Now do revisions:

(a) rearrange material, if necessary

(b) improve spelling, sentence structure and paragraph structure

(c) again, review material, particularly breaking up unwieldy sentences and paragraphs

(d) repeat 8.

9. Give material to someone else to read and correct.

When I have finished approximately one-third or more of a project, it becomes impossible not to continue. To this end I leave the completed sections in a pile on my desk where their presence becomes a constant irritation and reminder of the task still at hand.

Many readers may never tackle writing projects as large as a book, a short story or a magazine article. However, no matter how small the commitment, stimuli such as those mentioned above, can be useful.

As a poor reader I am constantly frustrated by the work of many modern day newspaper and magazine journalists. Their articles are frequently obtuse, filled with anecdotes and distantly related aphorisms that for me obscure the most important points. It is as though they were setting out to write a book rather than a informative article.

Movie reviews provide a good illustration of the problem and an excellent solution. I enjoy reading movie commentaries. In the past few years, however, I have found it increasingly difficult to ferret out the critics' actual rating of the movie from the jargon and filler material. The number of stars that accompany the rating at the top of the column are often all I bother with anymore.

The problem writers must bear these point in mind. It is of first importance to cover the facts in a concise and easily understandable fashion. Any literary embellishments that are added must not confuse the material. If, as I have recommended, the writing is initiated using a skeletal, point-form format there is less chance that the important ideas will become obscured in the fabric of the finished tapestry. When I write, important ideas that are not necessarily related to the section I am currently writing constantly flash through my mind. If I do not immediately record these they will be forgotten and lost forever. This is another good reason for initial use of point form. In this way, such fleeting information can be quickly and concisely inscribed.

### Studying

Adults may feel their studying days are over with the completion of their education. Not so because studying applies to a wide range of tasks that have vocational relevance. Reports, manuals and books applying to a vocational subject are examples. These must not only be read but require a measure of study.

One of the important "tricks" that I employ here as in tasks described above is to use as many of my senses as efficiently as possible. Most learners simply employ visual processes when studying. Because of my poor visual memory this would be for me a frustrating and non-optimal approach.

We _jerked down the runway in the C47 (a World War_ _II_ _air- . ,craft). The landing strip was no more than a carelessly bulldozed patch in the tundra covered with debris from the mine. Because of this, here and there, boulders jutted dangerously from the surface. As we were rolling down the strip for takeoff the pilot suddenly turned to the co-pilot and said, "Why don't you take it?" No sooner had transfer of control taken place than we hit a rock and the plane became prematurely airborne. Without sufficient air speed it twisted sharply and the pilot, now back at the controls, fought to bring us down safely. He then taxied slowly back for another try. My only thoughts, amidst feelings of fear of imminent death, were how to get off!_

I was sitting in a makeshift seat behind the flight deck. The cargo bay just to my rear was filled to over flowing with several tons of dynamite. I had been given poorly operating earphones, mostly to help deaden the constant roar of the engines, which filled the cabin. There was no way to communicate with the pilots and in any case the only other way out of this part of the Arctic was a a 1000 mile walk. This was an alternative I must admit I considered seriously.

_On the second attempt I was greatly relieved to find we made a fine take-off. Up we sailed into a crystal clear twilight sky. A few minutes later I found myself actually enjoying the flight, my ears filled with the garbled and mindless chatter going on between pilot and co-pilot. Suddenly, about thirty minutes into the flight, I was pitched violently forward in the seat accompanied by a zinging sound from the straining seat belt. One of our two engines had quit. This had an effect not unlike slamming on the brakes of a speeding car. With little comment and no alarm the pilot simply feathered the engine and then restarted. Good, I thought, we'll go back to the mine and I can get out and begin walking. But no such luck. On we flew. Each time the engine stopped, and this happened three more times, I had visions of the plane spiraling into the earth, my body disintegrating into atoms in the ensuing dynamite-aided holocaust. Surely this would be the first time in the history of mankind that a soul would actually fail to escape bodily destruction! One of the more useless bits of information I retrieved_ _later_ _was that the dynamite would not have exploded on impact because it lacked a detonator, these always being shipped separately._

Another event in this flight of terror illustrates graphically the importance of a clear multi-sensory approach to perception. Despite the hissing and wheezing from the earphones, I was aware of a frightening trend in the conversation. I was pretty certain the pilot had asked the co-pilot whether he could see where we were and that the answer had been no. This occurred as they furtively scanned a map supported between them. This question was asked several times with an identical reply. I foolishly took this to mean we were lost. If I'd taken the time to carefully scan the instrument panel glowing brightly before me I would quickly have been aware that we had a number of the latest navigational aids and that all these were working perfectly. In addition, if I had studied the map, which was also clearly visible to me, I could have seen that they were carefully plotting our progress and that this was leading in a relatively straight-line fashion to our destination.

What actually had occurred was trivial. From time to time the flight crew had lost visual contact with landmarks, which normally help them verify visually our position on the map.

The perceptual enhancement that is obtained through a multisensory approach can be further emphasized by another example from the same trip. Anyone who has been in the north during spring and summer may relate somewhat to this illustration.

During my late June 1980 stay in the Arctic a plague of mosquitoes and black flies was occurring. The insects were so numerous they appeared as blackish clouds in front of our faces. Because of their large numbers the mosquitoes' familiar buzzing sound was loud indeed. Both the mosquito and the black fly bites were painful and itchy. Now whenever I even hear a mosquito it conjures up a vivid "sight" of clouds of insects and I can even "feel" their bites before they attack.

A multi-sensory approach enhances learning. While studying, employ both auditory and visual processes. This can be done as follows:

1. Read study material out loud.

2. Read study material into a tape recorder.

3. Summarize material concisely on cards and on tape or in computer files.

4. Obtain any recordings, which are available commercially or from libraries, of material being studied. More and more study materials are being tape recorded commercially. A good source of such material can be compilations prepared for the blind.

###### Study Technique Summary

1. Use both auditory and visual senses.

2. Make a study schedule.

3. Summarize all material (also make summary of summary).

4. How do you remember best?

(a) diagrams

(b) categories

(c) colours

(d) similarities and differences

(e) tables

5. Use short forms and symbols. Also use point form, putting material into your own words.

6. Always write out the material being studied.

7. Read out loud while studying.

8. Put study summaries on audio tape.

9. Change important material into questions and answers.

10. Explain difficult material to yourself out loud and argue with yourself.

11. Repetition is important.

Note that in summarizing it is important to employ symbols and short forms. Leave unnecessary words out.

Pictorially the summary can be constructed so that it is easier to see the weighting of topics and subject, for example:

###### Making Study Summaries

1. Important Topic

(a) Important subjects:

-points

-points

-points

(b) Next important subject:

-points

-points

-points

2. Next Important Topic

(a) Important subjects: ... and so on.

How do you remember best? Recall your experiences, and for those items of a vocational nature that you remember best, try to remember why this is. I find that diagrams, "flow charts, and simple tables make things easier to remember. Develop a "form" that best suits your learning capabilities. The liberal use of colour is also helpful. If I underline or highlight very important topics in red and important subjects in yellow this helps me get the weighting in my mind. Remember as already pointed out above; be careful to choose carefully topics to highlighted or almost the whole article can have colour and this is useless. Colour can further be used to single out the more important points. It can be used to highlight the flow of charts and diagrams. Do this to achieve a "mental picture".

Categorizing material is helpful in memorizing. Listing material with respect to similarities and differences can also be useful.

When using the summaries to study it is important not simply to read the material. The student must continually be typing down on a computer work sheet (words, phrases, etc,) as the summary is used. As emphasized earlier, reading out loud is very helpful. I transcribe my summaries onto audio tape (I have not upgraded to solid state recorder) and use these with study cards or computer work sheets in files.

Again I remind you when you come to difficult material while studying try explaining it to yourself out loud. Do this as though you are explaining it to someone else. I find this greatly hastens my understanding. In addition this may help in retyping the material in a less confusing form.

Sometimes it is possible to transcribe difficult material into a picture. If you like pastoral scenes, use the contents of such a scene to represent different points (for example, five geese indicate five important defined subjects).

If you are studying for an exam convert important material into questions and answers. I was

amazed by how many questions that I actually made up appeared word for word on exams. In this way you set yourself up to answer questions and you get your answers as complete as possible with the aid of your notes. All that is then necessary is to transfer the material to the exam book.

Finally, repetition is the crucial factor in learning. The more times you are able to repeat the study cards in the computer file the better. This point cannot be over emphasized. Because of my disability it takes me from forty to sixty repetitions of each card or computer work sheet.

### Feeling Oppressed and/or Sorry for Oneself is Time wasting and Debilitating

It is easy when you have to face your daily tasks and compared to others you have learning and related difficulties that require constant overcoming to feel sorry for yourself. Also you can feel a sense of oppression because some of the tasks you are forced to do are more difficult and onerous simply because of these same added difficulties. My advice is just suck it up and get a life!

Everyone can think of someone who is worse off than themselves. If you are finding this hard just visit a children's cancer ward at the local hospital.

After my stroke I spent about 5 years just lying around the house, feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing useful. Maureen, my wife, was still working full time and so I was not under foot, or the whole episode wouldn't have lasted even 5 weeks. But in any case, she finally became fed up of returning home to find me in the identical position, sitting on the sofa, as when she had left. There was no evidence that I had even moved since the lawn was uncut, the garden full of weeds and no supper was on the BBQ. I lacked the motivation to even clean the BBQ, so on this point, she was probably glad that I had not ruined some meat by attempting its use. My usual manic behavior was still manifest, but only in that I was unable to sleep more than 2 to 3 hours per night and was reading through the complete stories of Dickens for the second time. Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky had also been completed and I was beginning on Gogol and other Russian authors, whose names have drifted from my poor memory over the passage of time. All this reading activity was actually a bit of a feat considering my learning disability reading handicap.

One morning out of the blue, after getting ready for work Maureen commanded me to get into the car. She drove without any explanation to the Donner Lodge parking lot and commanded me to get out and go in and ask for a volunteer's job. Then she reversed quickly back onto the street and drove away. Donner Lodge, a rather pedestrian quality retirement home, did not rank on my list of good career choices. As I stood there feeling like a typical homeless waif in a Dickens novel, I was comforted by the thought that I would most certainly be refused. In fact it came to mind just to turn on my heels and walk back home without even entering, and lying that I had been turned down. This latter thought took flight however, when I remembered that Maureen always seemed capable of seeing through me and extracting the truth. Thus I was horrified, bewildered and in many other ways in discomfiture, when the friendly woman in charge said she was thrilled to have acquired another volunteer.

My work was scheduled for two days per week, including free lunch and as time moved along my old enthusiasm returned and I began to even look forward to my work. Such could not be said though for the free lunches, which lived up to the reputation of institutional food in every insipid regard. When I happened to comment on this to my boss, the Physiotherapist, she kindly began driving us to the local restaurant, where I enjoyed excellent fare. She also enjoyed the lunches, although she was on a diet, the type in which food portions had to be pre-purchased as part of the plan. These dietary allotments were not only diminutive, but unappetizing and amusingly after consuming one of these offerings, she regularly could not resist the temptation to purchase a desert, or a plate of fries and yet was continuously complaining that her diet plan was not providing the desired result.

The patient base at Donner Lodge consisted of 70% Dementia patients, mostly Alzheimer in nature. As a large city run organization with full medical facilities, all stages of severity of these problems were represented, providing a wide range of challenges. Typically, family interest in the affected family member, varied from daily visits to total disregard. As Dementia proceeds the patient becomes less and less aware of every facet of daily life, while even losing control of bodily functions. Towards the end, the family members suffer much more severely than the afflicted person. Sad cases of the patient declining to the point of not even recognizing a close family member, often produced very emotional responses from their family. Worse still, patient cognitive abilities varied daily. Family members might arrive and suddenly become very excited, thinking a vastly improved recognition of family and surroundings was a sign of permanent improvement. In fact these temporary high points were just a blip on a decline curve. Part of a volunteer's purpose was to attempt to explain, but in a kindly way, this typical behavioral pattern, without totally dousing the flames of enthusiasm. In my case, while finding this initially severely challenging, I became more polished with time.

As the assistant to the Physiotherapist, my main job was to aid patients that were requiring therapeutic exercise. I had a fairly hard and fast routine that I was supposed to enact and this involved the following. First I was to chase down wheelchair patients and bring them to the physiotherapy room. This "chase down" phrase was a slight exaggeration in the majority of cases, as the requisite patient could usually be found asleep in the TV lounge. As many of them were nearly deaf they usually had the electronics at ear splitting volume. Waking them was always a potentially dangerous act, depending on their current demeanor. I then wheeled them into the Physio room and strapped their feet into a stationary bike. This unit when activated revolved their feet and legs at a prescribed rate and for a fixed time interval and was strangely termed exercise, despite no effort on the patient's part. After this "strenuous" activity, I unstrapped their feet and wheeled them back to repose again in the TV lounge. And so it went, one after the other, until the entire group had been exercised. If I was lucky a patient or so would require the application of heat for strains and pains and I might be required to perform this treatment, with a careful choice and application from the abundant heating pads available.

Now it may have entered the reader's mind that my pursuits so far described might be a bit mundane and lacking in challenge and perhaps even utterly boring and if so this has been very perceptive. I never could handle boring work willingly and as a result, I looked for alternative tasks. These tasks, which I could easily perform, were supposedly the purview of the regular staff, but in my view were going begging. Strangely such initiative was not appreciated and as a result my position at Donner Lodge was becoming more and more tenuous.

Increasingly horrified by the needlessly slow pace of many of the Nurses and particularly the Ward Aids, I continually overstepped my volunteering boundaries. Even the Doctor seemed to me to be incompetent, although there were some Nurses and Aids who were excellent. The majority of incompetent staff was mistreating patients more by errors of omission, than by any physical abuse. Unfortunately, all regular workers on the wards belonged to a strong union, which protected their lazy behavior.

I did a number of things which incensed the unions. One involved my favorite patient, James, who I came early to visit for a half hour or so each day before my work began. James suffered severely from angina attacks and as a result had been prescribed the habit forming painkiller Percocet and became quite contrary if its administration should be delayed. When this occurred he would beg me to hunt down the medication cart and the Nurse in charge and procure his medication. Although I usually persuaded them to give it to me, such an act was of course highly irregular.

Other acts which put me at odds with the union were things like finding a male patient who was left in a dirty diaper for hours on end and either raising hell about this situation or in a few cases performing the job myself. These latter actually involved two volunteer infractions against the union members: 1. Purloining a clean diaper from carefully tended supplies while the attendant was on coffee. 2. Actually then performing the task. Well you can probably get the drift of how I was now mounting up union infractions on a regular basis, some of which were coming to the attention of senior management.

Perhaps the coup de gras was when I was discovered closing the eyes of a deceased patient who had been left unattended for several hours in his bed. Or it might have been when the physio had taken sick and retired home for the afternoon and I decided to finish the session on my own. The union did the usual posturing which ended with the threat of strike action if I did not desist. When this in my case proved ineffective, I received the fateful summons to the Director's office. Apparently my actions were threatening a precipitation of a serious problem and unfortunately were grounds for dismissal, after 5 years as a volunteer at Donner lodge. It wasn't much consolation when she added that I was the best volunteer amongst the bunch.

Instead of being angered by this event and allowing myself to enter another funk I turned to building computers of uniquely high capacity and doing volunteer work on the World Community Grid a task in which I continue to participate.

The following are some examples of hardship that were related to my work abroad. These indicate how much worse off many are that struggle in the developing world.

It sounded like an animal scratching amongst forest litter for food. As I approached more closely I could see garbage in a casement under the store front porch moving up and down as though being tunneled through by an animal. Whatever it was, it remained fully covered and did not appear for me to make identification. I thought nothing more of the incident and returned to my Campinas, Brazil hotel room.

Several days later, passing the same spot, a similar scene presented itself. Garbage that had been thrown into the casement under this porch from a neighboring restaurant was again alive as though being scavenged by some neighborhood animal. This time, however, as I reached the store in question the garbage parted momentarily revealing a small human figure. The body was so small, frail and covered in rags that I was unable to identify its gender. Its eyes were very large compared to the face and were sunken in huge cavities. The facial skin was tautly stretched over the bony relief. A tiny chin, normal nose and large ears completed its visage. A bulging stomach was the final clear indication that this child was suffering from severe malnutrition.

The problem is common in developing countries. In the northeast part of Brazil thousands of children do not receive proper diet each day and are slowly wasting away. In this weakened state the child easily falls prey to serious diseases such as dysentery and typhoid fever. Even something as common as a cold virus can have fatal consequences for a child in such a weakened condition.

Education is virtually unknown in such settings, and a child with a learning disability would most assuredly have no hope of achieving even the most rudimentary skills.

I have been fortunate, through travel, to have encountered and hence been made aware of such problems. Thus it is more difficult for me to feel unjustly treated here in North America because of my learning disability and bipolarity. My problems are indeed miniscule when compared to this. Yet everything is relative and if a North American has not been confronted with such misery it is common for him to feel downhearted and even hopeless when facing learning disability difficulties even in this very sheltered and bountiful part of the world.

###### Even Extreme Oppression Fails to Destroy the Truly Great

Like electrified ether it pervaded decisions of government, determined the actions of all peoples and ultimately gave the non-white majority their freedom. From his lowly prison cell for the extent of his stay his unending ubiquity swirled as the determining force throughout Apartheid South Africa. Of course it was the fear of this indefinable energy that kept Nelson Mandela in charge.

Although I never encountered Nelson Mandela in the body in my South African trips I almost immediately felt his overpowering presence in opposition to governance irrational actions.

Tap, tap, tap, for 25 years in the blistering sun Nelson Mandela shaped pieces of white stone in the prison called Robben Island to meet meaningless government regulations. To the Warders cry of wakker, staan op he arose at 5:30 am, used his cast iron "sanitary bucket" known as ballie, then shaved and cleansed his body in the few inches of water held in a dish shaped porcelain lid covering this contrivance.

Mandela's prison environment, particularly during apartheid, provides the only real method of putting the necessary exclamation mark on any account of being in the South Africa at that time. This is most particularly because although he was forced in body to endure the inhuman physical conditions his spirit could not be suppressed. So what of this insult to humanity?

Geographically Robben Island is about 12 km west of Green Point in Cape Town and roughly 8 km directly south of Blouberg Provincial Reserve.

Famous mainly as a penal colony Robben Island has over all an unsavory reputation. Early on during low water it was connected by land it was inhabited with black tribes. Very shortly after colonization by the Dutch in the 1600's it was used to house prisoners from various Dutch colonies in Asia and Africa. It also has the dubious distinction of at one time housing a leper colony. Its notoriety comes in large part from the maximum security prison constructed here and operated between 1961 and the early 90's to imprison the three thousand or so political prisoners, mainly involved in the anti apartheid movement. Few prisoners ever escaped the island, the most notable escapee being its first detainee who somehow swam the distance to shore through opposing currents and shark infested waters.

The island was a shipping hazard particularly in the early days when the sail ruled the seas. Light houses have been built and rebuilt over the years and are pretty well unnecessary in these days of radar and GPS. The locale was militarily fortified during the Second World War.

Conditions on the island are very arid and most of the 1 km wide island is only a few meters

above sea level. Today the location has been named a World Heritage Site by UNESCO in 1999 and houses a Museum. The museum was established in 1996. Its mission is to maintain the unique and universal symbolism of the Island and among other things contribute to the socio-economic development and transformation of South African Society. To this end I might hasten to add that although no longer a prison its mission for the future is not unlike the past where the incarceration of one man and a few other dominant confederates provided a universal symbolism that unintentionally for its Apartheid Jailers and their leaders lead to the socio- political transformation of South African humanity.

###### Building Confidence

In the following I must write a smidgen of material on which I base my research confidence.

I was starting to realize that as long as we continued to use Standard Reference Materials together with each batch of samples we ran, with these interspersed randomly in the set and if the results on these agreed with the accepted values of the standards we should be able to feel confident in our sample results.

A note on Standard Reference Samples is essential. This information is important for everyone that is prescribed blood tests. Appropriate standard samples for this blood samples are used routinely to ensure the results obtained and reported to your doctor are correct.

First of all what are these? They were being produced by Trusted Groups such as The National Bureau of Standards in Washington D.C., The Environmental Protection Agency also in Washington and The National Research Council in Ottawa, Ontario.

How did the samples become standards? They consisted of stabilized waters, blood samples, 100 pound amounts of leafs such as Orchard Leaves, Tomato leaves and others which were expertly homogenized, split into many 100's of small bottles and then some of which were sent to trusted laboratories which could analyze them for as many elements as possible by as many analysis techniques as possible. Upon receipt of the results back the supplying agency processed them statistically and concentration values for the elements were assigned accompanied by a standard deviation (a statistical range within which you can expect the result to fall and still be considered correct). These samples together with a certifying document can be bought by labs like mine as long as they are available. We always carefully stored a stock of standard samples and used them. It might be interesting to note that we became, in time, a lab to whom a few of these Agencies sent samples for help in the standardization round.

Did you get all that? I have included this so that any experts don't overly criticize my statements of fact and in the hope blood sample result recipients will feel more confident about the values on the report.

It is also just as important to obtain representative samples of the sample materials you are to be analyzed. Most often this means taking several grab samples whether of liquids or solids and then homogenizing them well. Equally important is to exclude contamination and to keep the samples stable until analysis. In some cases a few constituents had to be determined on site.

Here and there I have referred to "trace elements/elements. Before quitting this small scientific scene it is important to define "trace" in this context. It generally refers to anything at parts per million and below levels. A part per million is 1 divided by 1 million or one millionth of, in this context, a metal or other element. Think of this as a small drop of gin in a bathtub full of water

###### Schizophrenic Self Belief

As was suggested earlier, I find it helpful to make a list of those items in which I have useful skills. These are on a card in my wallet. My following few modest achievements can be listed.

1. I have proven success in easily summarizable sciences.

2. I can write acceptably (6 books and many research papers).

3. I have heard and read good comments on my teaching.

4. I have given several invited or plenary lectures at major conferences

5. I once won five-kilometer and ten-kilometer running races in my age category.

6. I do well as a hockey and baseball coach.

This may seem to be a very egotistical thing to do. But it is ever so important for the special learner to recognize and clearly outline in his own mind those items in which he does, and can do, well. So much of the learning challenged life is negative that highlighting attributes, no matter how few these may seem, is very important. I may take this a bit too far. Sometimes the thought flashes through my mind that if I tried hard enough and stuck to it I could probably do anything I set my mind to. I must hasten to emphasize, however, that such elated feelings can be preceded and followed by extended periods of very negative self thoughts and depression.

"And in first place in the forty to fifty year old class is .... " I was already on my feet and heading rapidly toward the stage to receive my winner's trophy when the announcer said, "Mike Thomas. I quickly returned to my seat, my face flushing a cherry red from embarrassment. But I repeated this performance for each of the second and third place announcements.

I had just run in the five-kilometer, 1985 Annual Great Canadian Beach Run at Sauble Beach, Ontario. In 1984 I was the winner in my age class. At the start the 300 or so contestants were boxed in together milling about like penned heifers at branding time. After about the one-kilometer mark the field was spreading out nicely. My pace was excellent and, as I gazed ahead from my position among the leaders, I couldn't see any of the "older" men who might be in my class. Although I fell back somewhat during the course of the race, I judged that no runners in my age category had passed me by. At the finish I put on a burst of speed and crossed the finish line just seconds ahead of a weary contestant who was' also in the forty to fifty class. Naturally, we assumed we had come first and second. To fortify this belief I saw the race officials writing our names at the top of the forty to fifty age class sheet.

Elated, I ran to the phone to inform my wife of my achievement, asking her to come to the award ceremony and to bring my camera. Miss Sauble Beach, a willowy blonde of exquisite proportions, was to give out the prizes with a kiss for each Winner.

"They must have mixed the age categories," I thought. This was the only logical explanation of why I had not received the call as winner. During a short break in the ceremonies before the next age class was to be announced I approached the judges. They sat in a group on the stage next to the announcer. Then, in front of the whole audience, I blurted out that surely a mistake had been made and I had been wrongfully denied the winner's position. One of the startled judges, thinking that his integrity was being questioned, bolted from the stage and retrieved the original race records. Shuffling through these he retrieved the pertinent page and held it before my unbelieving eyes. My name didn't even appear on this sheet. There were so many runners ahead of me in the forty to fifty class that a whole page had been completed before I finished. The new sheet where I had seen my name being added was actually page two!

This story has turned into a good joke for me to relate proving again that I am, in some instances, able to laugh at myself.

Related to schizophrenic self belief was a newly developed lack of fear in trying anything once. From time to time I was asked to undertake a duty in my profession that I feel certain will end in disaster. In my view, it is worse not to attempt a task than to fail in carrying it out. Of course, I must have a strong interest in the undertaking or the motivation will not be adequate.

Some years ago I was asked to be the general chairman of a biennial international conference in my field of research. I was at an early point in my career and I felt I had not made a sufficient scientific contribution to be entrusted with the job. I came to the realization, however, that there was no one else in Canada, in my field, who would undertake the task. Despite my concern about personal adequacy, I agreed. The conference ended in being a great success. This was despite my borderline capability and was undoubtedly because I was able to obtain the right scientists to fill the key positions on the committee and then delegate to them all the important and difficult duties.

Another challenge that I undertook did not turn out quite so well I was asked to deliver one of three keynote addresses at an important international conference being held in Europe. My first reaction was to turn down the invitation, but eventually I agreed. One year before this event I had summarized all the important science that I felt I should present. This was then formulated into a very simple slide format. Throughout the year I updated the material. Then the slides were finalized several weeks before my departure.

My address was to be on the last day of the five-day conference. Because of my fears that I might fail in this task, I did not attend the first four days. Instead, I stayed in the hotel and rehearsed the talk. In addition, and because there would be a question period, I continuously reviewed related material that I had summarized on cards.

Nine o'clock on the fifth day of the conference my talk began. Part way through the presentation it came to my mind that I was doing well. Thus I gained momentum and finished with a flourish. Just as I was congratulating myself on pulling it off, the Chairman asked for questions. The first (and last) was as follows

A colleague from the United States stated, "A student I met had read your recent book and he suggested that I obtain it for use in my laboratory. Could you please tell me the title and publisher?" Believe it or not, I could not remember the title! I had to admit this before the audience of 800 scientists and amongst whom there was one who provided the name of this book. My instant reaction was: I am sure they were all thinking, "If he can't even remember the title of his own book, how good could the science have been in his lecture?" Not surprisingly, no more questions were forthcoming.

Disasters such as this contributed greatly to the developing view that I must learn to stop worrying so much about what others think of me.

In addition I am very often overly critical of myself. As bad as my book title _faux pas_ was, it did not undo all the credibility in my lecture. In the same vein, several years ago, I produced a booklet of proceedings of a seminar series on the element nitrogen. When I proudly handed a copy to my boss, I was horrified when, in a fit of anger, he tore off the front cover, I had spelled the word "nitrogen" incorrectly. Previously I was plunged into depths of depression over the continuing series of incidents such as these that occurred in my career. Fortunately, today, I can say that in large part I have stopped worrying about what people think of me in this regard. So, in many cases, I will try anything once without fear of the consequences of failure

Despite this renaissance in my life, many of the undesirable old traits of character persist. I am still unable to fully enjoy the company of others outside my family. I shrink at my inability to contribute meaningfully to topics of everyday conversation. It is a point of extreme annoyance that I cannot read through the normal length of a newspaper article and derive anything substantial about the subject without resorting to my "tricks" of summarization. Even then, the details and soon the flavour, of the article vanish from memory.

It is important to stress that monumental difficulties still occur frequently in my life (and will undoubtedly in yours). In the face of such frustration it is logical to ask how one maintains the self-discipline and motivation to continue. Many times I can devise no convincing answer other than the memory that I once succeeded in the face of insurmountable odds. Luckily, although the details (feelings, sequences and actual mechanisms evoked to resolve the problem) have long since faded into the persistent mists of my memory, the overall confidence that the solution of the problem left, has never totally disappeared.

###### Always Being Honest is important but can be Hell

As a challenged learner who absorbed much more than my fair share of difficulty and criticism there was always a temptation to wiggle out of a tricky situation by being dishonest. Fortunately I dismissed this temptation in almost every instance. Because I realize that my learning challenged readers may also face such temptations under their unfair load of duress I make this plea to be as honest as possible. I have heard of too many of our brethren lose their battle for achievement in a vocation by giving way to temptation in this regard. Perhaps the following story will fortify this point.

They were Cool but bright days in early May 1972. A friend and colleague and I were studying the fish population and water quality of a suite of lakes near an industrial city in Central Ontario. Emanations from the cities smelters were sulfurous and metal bearing in nature. Nets had been set at strategic points to allow an estimation of the fish population. The acidity was measured institute and water samples were taken and stabilized for lab analysis.

The numbers of fish being caught were few and those that were turned out to be elderly indicating that these species, mostly trout, were unable to spawn under the existing conditions. Other scientist could use scales rings and the calcium content of reproductive organs to age the fish. Our host, a trapper and hunter, made the most delicious fish stews from our catches eaten with sour dough bread slathered in butter it was a delight. (The fish had been taken in gill nets and were not in a fit state for release). During all this enjoyment and good science little could we see the threat of a possible jail incarceration looming on the horizon!

A confidential Government report was compiled using our results. It was on behalf of the local indigenous people who depended of fishing for a large part of their livelihood. The story becomes hazy at this point. Whether the government or an independent body of indigenous peoples sued the large industrial complex for pollution of the large suite of lakes that we found almost bereft of fish and highly contaminated with metals and acid I don't know. All I do know for sure is that soon we were being sued for publishing erroneous results and hence slandering the company in question. Jail was a distinct possibility.

We had been one of the few laboratories in North America using standard reference samples to attempt to verify our results. Thus it was beyond our understanding how the challenging industry could claim their results showed ours were 10 times too high! I was too frightened to attend the trial (intimidation type bullying laid on continuously since early days at school and in my work environment had placed me in this condition.) and any way our lawyers had the input and presence of my coworker and all my results. The industry was now trying intimidation tactics by threatening slander and other consequences that could easily result in a jail sentence.

Our law suit against this imposing company had finally come down to the last day and it was clear the judge could not tell which side was right. Then suddenly and very unexpectedly a very brave but anonymous person from within the industry snuck out a document on their letterhead showing that the company results in truth actually agreed with ours. Immediately the industry settled with the Indigenous people, affected, for the full amount! The law suits against us fell to pieces. Sometimes beads of perspiration still break out on my forehead when I think of this quandary. Sometimes you are certain of your veracity and still have doubts. This is much more serious in individuals such as me who have the constantly inflicted feeling of being stupid always in the back of their minds.

# Chapter 4

# Expectations of the Learning Disabled

###### More on the Vagaries of Memory

I remember eating my first yeast donut bought from a vendor on the playing field of a Hamilton, Ontario High School in the 1940s, yet I cannot remember my mother's 1960 funeral. In my mind is a vivid picture of a tiny twig protruding from a small depression in a snowy windswept Hamilton Park of my boyhood, but I cannot remember my grandfather's face. A red stoplight on the rear of a 1944 New York city subway car still burns brightly in my memory, but I cannot remember my children's birth years. These are only a few of the daily vagaries of my memory. Perhaps the most incredible flash of memory for me, however, occurred once in the Sao Paulo, Brazil airport. I had just entered the check-in lounge for my flight back to Toronto when I caught sight of a familiar face above the crowd. There stood Gerry Carter, a distant high school acquaintance, all six-foot- five of him. I had not seen or thought of him for at least thirty  
years. His name instantly sprang to my tongue and when I spoke to him he was flabbergasted at my recall. Yet later that year (1982) I was unable to introduce one of my close colleagues to a visiting scientist because I had forgotten my associate's name!

I often wonder how much of the suffering of the learning disabled is due to utilization of ingrained learning technologies that were developed for "normal" learners. I can circumvent a good deal of this stress by employing the different techniques detailed throughout this book. Where might I be now if I had been able to use these, predominantly, from my very early years? While my memory would undoubtedly still cause me severe distress, I could have been much more efficient in constructing and placing the bits and pieces therein. Thus it is critically essential that the learning disabled acquire and use coping strategies to aid memory from as early an age as possible.

###### Learning Ability No Measure of Intelligence

Learning disabilities occur in people who span the entire intelligence range. Obviously the intelligence level of an individual will determine the ultimate upper level of academic achievement. This is true of both the "normal" learner and the learning disabled. Given that both groups possess the same ultimate academic achievement limit, it is my view that the learning disabled can develop an advantage over many of the "normal" learners academically, at. least in practice. This occurs through the mastery of coping techniques and the development of high levels of motivation and self discipline. Such traits are not forced upon, and hence are often not acquired, by normal learners.

Further, I believe that the acquisition and efficient utilization of these factors makes the learning disabled better prospects for vocation-related success. I must be very certain to emphasize the difficulty involved in maintaining a high degree of motivation and self discipline and in the intense, efficient and continuous use of coping strategies. The time and energy commitment in so doing is high. It is all too easy to ask, "Why do I have to spend so much more time and energy to achieve than do my friends and associates?" The answer is simple. If you do so, you can ultimately gain a position of advantage.

When I speak to adults about coping with learning disabilities, one of the most frequent types of comments I receive is: "I have a rotten boss, or the administration is unsympathetic to my problems." Sometimes an adult blames lack of understanding in his/her upbringing or schooling or amongst colleagues or all of these. In these cases such a statement is usually followed by and that's why I don't do very well at work. While these problems make the task more difficult, they cannot be used as excuses for lack of success. The only one who sets the ultimate limit on achievement is the learning disabled person him (or her) self.

My belief in self limitation as being the ultimate problem and that learning disabled people can actually develop an advantage is continually being strengthened. Frequently I meet adults who despite great problems in learning, have reached lofty achievement levels both in school and in their vocations. Couple this with the knowledge that many with learning disabilities such as Einstein (math and science), Nelson Rockefeller (business and politics) and Tommy Smothers (entertainment) have been among the world's highest achievers and it becomes difficult not to think very positively.

If, as the poet said, "To err is human..." then I must certainly be more human than most. Despite errors, hardships and personal trauma related to my learning disability, the flickering flame of hope still burns within my heart. At times it burns more strongly than at others but in all my years it has never been extinguished. I live in the fervent belief that there are many out there that will accept this challenge and will succeed at the highest levels.

### Chapter 5

### Computers, Tablets and Smartphones

### Basic Computational Technology

I have adult learning challenged friends that span the gamut from refusing to have anything to do with computers and related technology through to one who is a whizz with any digital gizmo. My feeling is that it is almost impossible to refuse to acquire a facility of the use of some modern digital technology. Otherwise a person loses even a handhold on some important almost essential and very helpful equipment. Most of my learning challenged readers will have gained facility with computers as required for their vocation and home needs. For those learning challenged who wish to have only the most essential technology the following is recommended.

###### Computers

Today there is a bewildering array of home oriented personal computing devices many of which should not be included in the category of a computer. There are fundamentally 2 types of full function computers the desktop and the laptop. In these 2 sub divisions there are a small variety of variants like netbooks (small laptop) and all in one desktops (screen has all the computer hardware inside). Very popular so-called tablet mobile computers should never be classified as computers because they either lack fundamental components, or those components are poor imitations of what is contained in a real computer. The tablet will be discussed in a separate section. Many people with full function (smart) phones consider these as small computers. Most gaming systems such as Nintendo and PlayStation have some computing capability.

It is a fact that most adults use computing devices mainly for writing and checking email, video chatting and photo viewing and thus most computers, tablet devices and full function phones can do these. The problem with tablets and phones is memory limitations in photo storage.

I have fixed and upgraded wrecked computers purchased from EBay or assembled computers from components so that I have 16 units processing mostly medical and environmental research. These programs come from a selection of worldwide high profile research programs provided by the University of California to the volunteers like myself who lend computing power for this research over the World Community Grid which in turn is enabled by IBM. This then is an indication of my commitment to conventional computers. Using my 6 and 8 core processor containing units the equivalent of 23 years of research has been processed in under 3 years. Thus what follows is bound to have a bias toward full featured computing.

A personal computer especially designed for special needs persons the Telikin has been introduced, priced in the $700 range. This is an all-in-one desktop which has been simplified by a screen hugging row of large blue buttons that can be pushed to activate commonly used functions such as email, video chat, web browser, games, calendar, contacts and write. Instead of windows it is based on the Linux operating system. Reviews to date that are available to me although complimentary of the concept reveal significant shortcomings with the operation that at this time of writing (May 2013) are being addressed by the manufacturer. It would probably well to wait before making a purchase of this item. Potential purchasers should follow the upcoming reviews.

I have chosen to mention the above computer initially in this discussion since it was introduced with features specifically to suit those with special needs. My view however is that most of us including adults with learning challenges are used to the conventional Windows or Apple operating systems and conventional computers and thus would opt for such a choice. However one major drawback to the Windows option is the introduction of Windows 8 a tablet operating system that is inadequately modified for conventional computer use. All newly manufactured PCs come loaded with this makeshift operating system. Rumors suggest that Microsoft will introduce fixes for the major shortcomings of Windows 8 in PCs. Non-the-less I cannot recommend purchase of a new PC with Windows 8. At the time of writing there are still a few new computers with Windows 7 and readers would be well advised to snap these up. Apple computers remain an excellent choice. Fortunately all my PCs are running Windows 7 a highly recommended operating system.

A new money grab gimmick has arisen among PC manufactures and that is the preloading of trial versions of software. During and after the trial period the owner is constantly being urged to buy this software. As a rule one of the first operations I perform on a new computer is to uninstall all trial software programs.

Assuming most of us are using conventional computers and then most being PCs. The following is the minimum software for safe and easy operation for relatively light duty operation.

Most large urban located internet providers provide a basic antivirus function but this is not sufficient. In my experience for normal use a free antivirus either the free version of AGV or Avast can be recommended. Adults using their equipment for business purposes may wish to consider the extra features of a commercial version. For the most part computer users are the main culprits in acquiring viruses. Perhaps the most serious violation in this regard is the user that downloads uncertain executable files from emails. Never open files contained in emails unless you are certain of the safety of their contents. Of course never even open emails that are from unfamiliar sources. Viruses again the fault of the computer operator, can easily be obtained by downloading software from the internet that has not been certified virus free. Download sites like Major Geeks, File Hippo, and CNET can usually be trusted. Freeware, that is software that has free license for its use, has to be carefully stepwise downloaded to avoid insertion of additional and unwanted material. Thus when downloading freeware take care to read every screen and uncheck unwanted offerings that may try to slip by.

To maintain computers at top speed and safely operational a few freeware utilities should be loaded. The hard drive of any computer suffers a fragmentation of the files stored thereupon which in turn causes poor computer operation. Thus disk defragmentation freeware should be installed. (Window has its own defragmentation software that can be used but it is much simpler to use good free downloaded versions. In this regard I recommend Auslogics Disk Defrag. Probably the next freeware to be considered id a disk cleaner which removes all useless files that clutter the hard drive after days of internet use. CCleaner is highly recommended for this job. Bundled in CClean is a registry cleaner. Registry clearers although generally useful and recommended can a very few times after use cause a program to poorly function. CClean has a relatively unique feature to prevent such a permanent problem occurring and that is it automatically suggests and then can perform a registry backup. An optional but well regarded freeware computer care system called Advanced System Care is installed on my computers.

An office suit including most importantly a word processing and spread sheet component is normally desirable. Microsoft Office Home and Student or with the 2010 version also a Home and Business costs in the $100-$200 range but is well worth the investment. I recommend Office 2007 or 2010 since these have licenses allowing installation on 3 computers. These vintages of Microsoft Office are still widely available for example on EBay. Apache Open office is a free office suit and is satisfactory for most purposes except when attached to emails the recipient may be unable to open these files.

Because of my very limited experience with Apple computers I can give little detailed coverage here. Apple provides conventional desktops, all-in-one desktops and laptops all excellent choices for adults familiar with the Lion series of operating systems. Of interest in this regard is the purported relatively freedom from viruses of Apple products because of their fewer numbers and hence attracting less interest from hackers. I have a Power Mac desktop but have only rudimentary knowledge of its operation at the time of writing.

###### Tablets

You can't help but love these, touch screen portable devices that operate through the use of dedicated touch activated software "apps" that line the screen and also possessing search, email, reader, camera, video communication and other capabilities. They quickly have become favourites with the many of the computing crowd. But wait a minute are these really computers or souped-up toys? What they really can be are great gadgets for light duty computing applications. If your total computer use is following email and performing other internet tasks, taking and keeping a few pictures, storing messages, keeping notes on a note pad, constructing a daily calendar and listening to music tablets are ideal. They are also excellent for doing puzzles an activity highly recommended for preserving active minds. There is a wide range of puzzle types available as free apps In fact smartphones discussed below can do most of the activities contained on tablets with less ease due to their smaller screens and relatively short battery. But remember tablets will never replace full scale laptop and desktop computers for many important tasks.

Disadvantages of tablets are lack of full function keyboards, Limited port capability. Printing is difficult, RAM and storage capacity are limited, no DVD, most graphics being integrate into the mainboard are inferior. Multimedia editing is a problem, low end performance processors, and the high price for a good tablet is out of line with a comparable computer.

It goes without saying that if you wish to do useful computing for most applications conventional computers are still the answer. Admittedly I own an ipad but use it 80% as a reader. One excellent feature that relates to this application is that the reader can download eBooks free from many libraries at home using their regular Library Card number and a password.

###### Smartphones

Phones have truly taken on a life of their own and can cautiously be listed with computing devices. Of all the computing devices smartphones are least useful for computing.

I fondly remember the old dial phones that were hard wired to a simple distribution box usually in the basement. Many of us as teens without permission ie illegally, ran our own homemade phones (Bell had total control of phone sales and distribution at that time) to our bedrooms simply by tapping into the circuit in the basement box. Some of you may even remember having to be a member of a multi-customer "party line". Each member on a party line had their own personal ring but every person on the party line could listen to any conversation taking place on all the members' phones. Fast forward to wireless home phones which allow customers to place phones in several rooms that ran from the primary phone.

Then came the advent of Cell Phones that were portable and could be used outside the residence at any point that had adequate signal from the cell phone provider's cell transmission and reception towers. I remember our first cell phone in the car. It was large and weighed several pounds. Cell phones have SIM cards installed for each user.

Fast forward again to Smartphones that are cellular phones and thus have SIM cards installed. They also have a variety of different functions that run alongside their use for making phone calls. For example there are actually more apps. For the iphone than the ipad which attests to the popularity of smartphones for other purposes besides phoning. It's hard to walk along a city street without encountering several individuals with smartphones in hand at the ready.

What then are smart phones? As pocket sized devices they have relatively small screens and for this reason alone may be hard to use for some seniors. Since they bear the name phone one might expect these devices to be mainly for phoning. In fact I had to borrow someone's smartphone to make an emergency phone call and found serious trouble adjusting the device into the phone call mode. Apart from having available many apps, email (in fact anything on the internet), media players, games, readers and camera functions are just a few of the available features available. They come in basically 3 operating system varieties, Apple, android and Blackberry. Those Smart phones with separate key boards have a QWERTY keyboard which is similar to the small computer keyboard. Text messaging has become more popular with many users than a standard phone call. Hands held on either side of the keyboard are used in texting and some practitioners are capable of typing text messages with blinding speed.

Features that adults with learning challenges should seek in a smartphone include a simple interface on a large screen such as that available on an iphone. Apps on the first page of the interface should be chosen to reflect frequency of use. Graphics are not a smartphone strength but a bright screen is crucial. Smartphones require high battery capacity which is the main reason that determines weight. Generally the less features the lower the battery drain so in order to get a reasonably simple phone one may have to choice a device with a minimum of features. I was amused sitting in a Doctor's office with my daughter who was playing games and checking email continuously for an extended period only to find the battery was dead when she needed to call her husband.

A couple of important comments that relate to the relative usefulness of all the devices above include the following. First Desktop computers are always ready for use since they require no charging. Laptop computers can be used plugged in without need for charging but must be charged if portable use wire free or away from a power source is desired. It's important to also point out that laptop batteries generally last for shorter periods between charges than batteries in other devices.

Manufacturers that supply two or all three of the above devices now are beginning to provide storage in "Clouds". Clouds are massive storage online server data centers. A good example is Apples icloud service which stores data from all your Apple devices and can provide any of these devices with any piece of this data no matter which device was used to originate the material. For example you may have downloaded an eBook to your ipad and have begun reading. Let's say you are on page 125 when you turn off your ipad and then decide to start reading again but on your iphone while waiting in the doctor's office. When you turn on your iphone and open this same eBook you will find that icloud has this book automatically ready on your iphone at p125. On line cloud storage is also available from unrelated independent operators for other purposes.

###### Social Media

There are a variety of social media sites but the most famous of course is Facebook. There is also Linkedin a form of social media for individuals involved in business. Adults with executive positions may benefit from joining Linkedin.

A variety of health surveys have found that there is a socially based wellness benefit to using sites like Facebook regularly. For example such use can reduce the loneliness factor.

Beware however there are hazards involved in social media use. Make certain that any information you place on social media is something that you don't mind making public. Plenty of undesirable types monitor social media to find items that can be used for their illegal purposes. So the main rule is before placing an item on social media be sure you consider your and other people's privacy that an item might have potential to compromise. Identity theft is a main problem to protect against.

# Chapter 6

# A few Amusing Stories that Happened to This Adult Special Learner

To end this book I thought it propitious to relate a couple of amusing stories that would never have occurred without my strong motivation to succeed despite my learning and related difficulties. Hopefully the reader will be inspired to do likewise.

###### Walking on Water and Related Debacles

Several decades ago an environmental pollution problem was brought to the close attention of the wildlife division of the Canadian Government. The apparent culprit was a notoriously polluting lead and zinc mining and smelting operation in a low arctic location in Canada. A bio-scientist colleague working in this division and myself, were chosen to travel to the area and mount an investigation. As an analytical chemist, I had worked with this colleague before on similar issues, so we had a well grounded plan for such research studies.

Our investigation was concentrated on the many small lakes that dotted this area, with a view to do water chemistry and fish health studies. For this project we were provided with a modified large utility vehicle. This truck had been equipped with all the requirements for off and back road maneuverability and safety. Large heavily lugged tires provided high clearance above the ground and traction for muddy rock strewn terrain. Most importantly the vehicle possessed a winch often required if we skidded into ditches and found ourselves in positions impossible from which to drive back onto the road. Of equal importance was the cage like device of welded steel piping that surrounded the front of the truck, to prevent front end impacts from perforating vitals such as the radiator.

Our rented cabin for this mid May investigation was located about 50 km along a rough rural road in from the main highway that had brought us from Winnipeg. We drove with particular care on the recently thawed soft muddy local roads. After the trip we arrived as two very tired scientists, ready for bed. Unfortunately the temperature that night was below freezing, so we took the precaution of unloading any items that might be harmed by the severe cold. It was fortunate that we did, as morning broke to reveal that a 10 cm snowfall now blanketed the region. This not unusual for May, but still a debilitating occurrence, meaning a work delay for a couple of days until the hot spring sunshine could melt the snow.

At this pause in proceedings we made our first serious error in judgment by deciding, as a simple act of courtesy, we would walk over to the mine office to inform them of our mission. To our gratified surprise we were made welcome and were treated to hot coffee and stuffed with tasty sweet rolls. During our discussions we divulged our delay in investigations due to the snow. This revelation occasioned an even greater surprise, when the mine manager invited us to make use of the company Twin Otter float plane complete with pilot. The only constraint was that only one of us could be taken so that weight restrictions related to takeoff from small lakes could be met. We accepted with much enthusiasm knowing that 1 day of plane operations would equal 4 or 5 in the truck and best of all there would now be no delay. Having had plenty of prior light plane experience, I was chosen for the job and packed myself and our sampling gear onboard. Upon the pilot's arrival he was motioned over for a pre-flight conversation with our new friend the mine manager.

As we taxied away from the dock I thought I detected a bit of a smirk on the face of the pilot but thought little of this. I placed the regional map on my knee and in conversation after takeoff mentioned the name of the first lake on the list. Everything seemed normal as we proceeded in the direction on the plane's compass that I had predicted from the map. Strangely however, minutes later I was alarmed to discover that we were beginning to overfly the first lake. I quickly let the pilot know and in one fluid motion he thrust the stick forwards which caused us to rocket downward in a steep dive. We were both thrust forward towards the ground as far as tight seat belts would allow. Then at what seemed to be a few meters above the lakes surface and under a horrendous downward feeling thrust, the plane was maneuvered into a horizontal direction. A moment later we touched safely down on the lakes surface.

I was in a complete state of disarray, having regurgitated my sweet rolls and coffee, this gooey mixture now flowing freely into my lap and onto the floor. The fear of God was clearly stenciled in my features. Calmly sweeping his gaze over to me the pilot without as much as a by-your-leave said; "okay, you can now open your door and step out onto the float to scoop up your water sample".

We sat in the plane, the propeller rotating slowly. The pilot glanced absentmindedly over both his gloved hands, blew his nose and politely waited. After about 5 minutes had transpired and I still remained comatose, he matter-of-factly stated; "perhaps you would rather go back to the dock and we can do this again when you are feeling better". Thus ended our experiment with courtesy visits to companies we were about to investigate.

Despite my initial aviation disaster, we finished our first stint of sampling after the snow had melted using the truck for the job as originally envisaged. Samplings were scheduled for 3 times a year over a 2 year period. The next incident of interest in this research study occurred the following June.

The previous years experience suggested that May weather was too unpredictable and thus our next year's first season sampling session was scheduled for mid June. Typical weather then was hot days and cool nights. These were accompanied in the day time by a persistent attack of Black flies, followed by Mosquito filled evenings. To stay well clear of the mine and smelter property, we rented a cabin belonging to a Moose and Deer Hunt Club 30 km away, but still well within the area of investigation. Our cabin, replete with an interior covered in mouse poop, was on a beautiful lake that included a dock. Last season's work already having determined that the fish population had deteriorated disastrously due to acid and metal emissions from the smelter, the presence of a fishing dock was a bit of a conundrum.

After a long day's sampling in temperatures reaching the high 30's, we would return to the cabin hot and sweaty and covered with bug bites. We would then immediately crash near the icebox and slake our thirst with a few cold ones. Once we'd had a chance to recuperate, we'd flip beer bottle caps to ordain the fall guy to clean up the perpetually renewed mouse poop in the kitchen. One particularly oppressive evening when my erstwhile colleague fell to this task, I took the occasion to walk out on the dock.

The lake water was crystal clear and the water at the end of the dock was deep and unimpeded by dangerous rocks. Checking the temperature with my hand, I encountered refreshing water in the low 20's. The Mosquito onslaught was beginning to take hold, so without further cogitation I walked quickly to the shore end of the dock. Then with a run at top speed, I traversed to the end of the dock and still fully clothed, dove as far out from the dock as was possible heading straight towards the lake bottom.

Suddenly a shocking reality struck. The lake was thermally layered with the top 20cm having the 20 degrees C temperature. Within a fraction of a second I found myself knifing down through the layer below that was still at the winter temperature of 4 degrees C. My perception of this catastrophe set in somewhat gradually due to the waters slow permeation of my relatively heavy bush clothing. When full exposure to this thermal disaster occurred I managed to surface almost instantaneously. This was followed by what appeared to my colleague, now standing on the dock, the best imitation of walking on water that had been rendered since biblical times.

Having survived this potential disaster I assumed the remainder of our sampling project could be finished without any serious hitches and indeed this turned out to be the case. On the evening of the final day we packed our gear, gassed up the truck from the barrel on board, banged the door shut on our residential mouse warren and hit the road, seat belts firmly fastened. The roads being hard packed and dry, we were making speedy progress in the twilight, west toward the main north-south highway. We appeared the picture of success, men who had finished a tough job and could not travel quickly enough back to civilization and our families. I was at the wheel and we were joking and laughing, attentions diverted by this delightful palaver when the truck suddenly stuck what resembled an impact with a brick wall. An eerie silence ensued. Our vehicle was at a dead stop the wind screen had shattered, the engine ground to stillness and we were both stunned into speechlessness. Strange and unusual smells began assaulting our slowly recovering sensibilities. We were in the center of a clear road and we stepped from the truck onto the road stumbling to the front of the vehicle where a sorry sight began to emerge. The heavy protective pipe caging was missing; the trucks front end was in tatters with smelly antifreeze lying in puddles beneath. Worst of all blood and skin fragments were hanging here and there amongst the wreckage, but the object that had been hit was conspicuously absent. Suddenly I heard the ominous sound of retching as my colleague reached the victim first. Rounding to the passenger side of the truck I encountered a horrid sight. In the ditch illuminated by the light of a flashlight, were the mangled and torn body parts of an immense black bear.

We decided it would be suicide to remain in the truck until first light in case another negligent driver might crash into our wreck. This was before cell phones, so we opted to walk what we estimated to be about 8 km to the main road to obtain help. It seemed like the longest 8 km that we had ever traversed.

The short version of this experience was that I avoided being charged with a driving offense, but not without an embarrassing dressing down from the local constabulary. A kindly local prospector drove us to a town with a bus station and the truck was towed to the city with our samples that had been stored in the rear of the vehicle, fully recoverable and undamaged.

Revenge, although not a scientific emotion, was sweet. Based on our work, this mining and smelting company was charged with a variety of environmental offences. The main antecedent of the charges was their blatant nose thumbing at well established environmental edicts. Thus especially given the torturous fiascos implicit in achieving this goal, I was never happier with a scientifically presaged outcome!

###### An Enlightening Encounter

Smooth as a baby's bottom describes the Varig 747 flight I had taken, destined for Sao Paulo Brazil. I had been bumped to First Class due to my frequent flights on this airline. During the 14 hour flight it was a no-aides-for-balance needed trip, straight to the washroom and back.. Despite this, a young woman seated next to me, looked straight ahead for the entire journey. She didn't read and couldn't sleep and additionally refused to eat and drink during meal time. Trying to make even the most innocent conversation was met with a minimal, somewhat labored reply. But I could relate to this. Many times I'd had to fend off unwanted attention on other occasions in flight. Then abruptly a drastic change occurred. Without warning, just as the aircraft began its long descent to our target, turbulence hit. Suddenly, this woman threw off her seatbelt and jumped into my lap, holding me with a vice like grip, as two cups of hot Brazilian coffee poured over me. Casting aside her previous silence, she let forth with a cannonade of Portuguese interspersed with snippets of English. From the hue of her face it was obvious that the next course for my pants would be arriving from her stomach and it did with dispatch. The tumult was so bad that no help from flight attendants could be expected. With herculean effort her seat belt was loosely restored, but I held her head in my hands against my chest for the next 20 minutes until touchdown was achieved. With help from the crew and after a quick kiss on my cheek she was gone. As I passed through customs I was surprisingly greeted by a government official. It was explained to me that my seat mate was a relative of the Governor of this state and had appreciated my help very much. Although I had only being wearing a pair of cheap pants, which had a previous stain and faulty zipper, I was escorted to a very upscale men's wear establishment and refitted completely from shirt to shoes. This treatment continued with a limousine ride of over 100 km to my destination in Campinas and an all expenses paid dinner at the hotel.

Following this incident, I regretted three things. The first was that I had been unable to obtain any further knowledge of this mystery woman. Secondly, that I had chosen a very cheap Brazilian Hotel for my abode, which had dictated the quality of the free meal. Lastly, that the new clothes which I had placed carefully in my closet, awaiting my first trip to my assignment, were stolen; this latter being an adjunct to the second point regarding the cheap hotel. Thus I found myself washing the pants from the flight with hand soap; in the tiny wash bowl in my room.

It was on this first night at my hotel, that I was woken suddenly by the sound of gun fire in the street below. I felt very vulnerable and somewhat like a virgin caught in the middle of a jail break. I immediately phoned my sponsors, trying to hold back a sense of panic, only to be told quite matter-of-factly, that this was only a celebration of a football (soccer) victory.

Brazil was my first employment outside of North America and I had been appointed by UNESCO to teach and to set up chemistry research at the State University of Sao Paulo, in Campinas. This city of 1 million or more people lies about 100 km west of Sao Paolo. When making travel arrangements, I had asked to be accommodated in a Brazilian domicile and not the American hotel, which had been my sponsor's designation. Making such decisions was easy while living In Toronto and ignorant of living conditions in Campinas. As a first principle, I wanted to experience the life of the locals. My hotel actually turned out to be quite livable, except for some communication challenges, as no-one spoke English; Portuguese being the native language. Also to have a hot shower, a pleasure I craved daily, the water tank on the roof had to have been heated adequately by the sun. Campinas, sitting as it did on the Tropic of Capricorn, possessed at normal times lukewarm water in all taps connected to the water supply. My room, facing the back, was also somewhat of a surprise. It was sparsely furnished with a bed that slung so low in the middle that my bottom rested on the floor. There was also a nondescript bureau, the drawers of which were totally inoperable, probably due to the tropical humidity. The room was perpetually dark because its one small window faced directly on to the nearby wall of a business college. A single dirty dull bulb in a cracked ceiling fixture provided the only illumination.

My first unintended divergence from typical local living came several weeks later, on the day after I tendered my first room rent payment in US currency. Upon arriving back from work I was escorted to a bright larger room, facing the street and replete with a narrow balcony at no extra charge. Apparently using US currency was an indication that the bearer was in some way special. My best guess is that US currency was a much desired commodity, being exchangeable on the black market for excessive premiums and the owners wanted to ensure the preservation of this source.

I was on the 6th floor and like all the other rooms; the only access was from a circular staircase in the lobby. To say this chimney like internal geometry made the hotel a fire trap was an understatement. But that was Brazil; no safety standards. Despite such conditions, I was living like the small middle class that was now beginning to emerge within this country.

One of the features of my new front room was a resident Kiskadee, a bird of rare vocal talents, which it unleashed each morning, beginning about 5 o'clock. It started as gravelly rumblings and then evolved into something resembling a scream. I was favored by this every morning like clockwork. As I look back, the gun shots of my first night paled compared to this cacophonous racket. A radio and TV adorned this room. It seemed that whenever I turned on the radio the present hit song, "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates, was blaring. Soccer matches were common on TV and of particular note was the announcer shouting "score" in English after each home team goal, but in such a way that the o-r-e part of the word was drawn out at high pitch for a number of minutes, seemingly without taking a breath.

The first morning I dressed soon after the rude Kiskadee awakening, only to find my breakfast hosts must have been living in a rear facing room, as they were nowhere in sight. Perhaps I was not as privileged as I thought with my front room. The incident did however spurn me into the discovery of a true Brazilian delight. I ambled out the door, walked a block or two and stumbled into the fruit market. Even though my room rate covered breakfast, I soon learned that the prolific varieties of fruit, including five types of bananas, various types of mango, red and orange papaya, and some unusual custard apples, were all better than the soggy papaya served at the hotel. So I absconded with a set of hotel cutlery and ate this delicious fruit off the dusty dresser top in my room. Many of these fruit, which were not available in Toronto during the years I was in Brazil, happily are now available locally.

There was one particular Brazilian gourmet delight that came to the dining room each morning and that was locally grown coffee. This ambrosia, boiling hot, thick and black as ink, came in a one liter sized pot, but was served in tiny espresso sized cups. Each diner usually consumed one or two cups, black, but mixed with raw cane sugar. I also drank mine black with no condiments, which may explain my stomach upset in recent years. I was now faced with the problem of how to lay my hands on one of these coffee pots and spirit it up to my room each morning? US currency was a form of magic in poorer countries like Brazil in the 80s. In retrospect I am horrified at how often, in cases like my addiction to fine coffee, I disregarded my first principle of living like the locals. I lit on a flawless procedure to guarantee that one of these steaming pots would be transported directly to my room at breakfast time. One single US dollar bill placed in the hands of a server twice a week ensured that the desired liquid was not only delivered, but that it was always accompanied by a coffee lovers sized cup.

Dinner was an unusual adventure. I tried out a variety of restaurants/cantinas in my local area, which was pretty much in the city center. Campinas, not being a tourist area, had very few waiters who spoke any English and the menus were all in Portuguese. North American style fast-food establishments were many years down the pipeline. You might think I would learn a few necessary words in Portuguese, but my learning disability prohibited that. Failing any ability to communicate with the waiters, I took to trying to pick out some words on the menu that looked familiar, but Portuguese unlike even Spanish and some other European languages, bears virtually no resemblance to English. As the poor waiter stood over me pen in hand, I made a random stab at an item and then waited in anxious anticipation for what was to appear. I had many surprises. One dish had a pig's snout, tail and feet together with a ¼ beef heart protruding from a slurry of black beans. This mess, called Feijoada, was actually their National Dish. As noted in a later story, I found this was a special treat traditionally and advisedly served with highly alcoholic drinks before football on Saturdays. Surprisingly I did have some successes, though unfortunately I could never recall from one time to the next, which ones I had stabbed at on the menu. Then I lucked out. There it was staring at me from a restaurant window, Canadian Bacon. There were unintelligible descriptors following, but what the heck it was something containing our world famous bacon, so I was definitely going to give it a try. All speculation ended when a pizza appeared with many pieces of what did appear to be our famous bacon. It was so good I began dining there often.

Another food related item was drinking water. It had been part of my approach when traveling abroad to never drink the local water. Thus I hunted expensive, hard to locate, bottled spring water throughout the downtown area. I consumed great volumes due to the heat of the tropics and when I located a source, I purchased large cases, which I transported by hand to my often very distant room. It was toward the end of my stay, when I refused a glass of tap water at a colleague's home, that I was startled and somewhat addled to learn that Campinas tap water, being spring fed, was some of the purest in the world. What's more, it also turned out to be the source of my costly, hard won, bottled water.

Another interesting aspect of Campinas, was that although it was a comparatively wealthy city, being highly industrial and surrounded by sugar plantations, it also had an amazing density of transparent poverty. One morning near the fruit market I was confronted by a woman, poorly dressed and holding a baby in rags. Out of kindness I slipped her two $1 dollar US notes which were the only items left in my pants pocket, a very large sum to the poor as I became aware. Suddenly from behind every obstacle appeared women dressed in a like manner with hands extended for money, jostling and pushing in quest of a handout. I was lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed.

Campinas also had an interesting conundrum in relation to the law. On every main corner there proudly stood individuals representing all three levels of the law, being local, state and federal. But if a lawless incident occurred, confusion as to who should respond to rectify the problem ensued. After an animated debate, lasting well after the offence was perpetrated, one of the officials would take off in a car with siren whining, frequently in the opposite direction. I had a personal involvement in such an incident. A street child, of whom there were plenty, many posing as shoe shine boys, pick pocketed a gentleman's wallet. The offender then ran near me, at which point I stuck out my foot and he tripped. Although there was plenty of commotion from the police, standing only about 50 meters away, they eventually completely disavowed the incident. Thus it became my practice to slip a bit of money in my pocket and then leave my wallet and passport in the hotel safe. To completely destroy my initial allusion of personal safety, I later saw citizens carrying rifles, with impunity and in full view along the streets!

Criticism of government is rampant in Canada and in many cases deserved. However, having lived abroad in countries such as Brazil, makes me aware that although life here can sometimes have its downsides, it could in large part be considered idyllic.

###### The Boss's "Holiday"

My Sydney sabbatical in Australia was slated for a six month period from January to June 1981. The assignment was to install and fully commission a new and unique type of mass spectrometer. I arrived in the blistering heat and humidity that typified a Sydney midsummer. CSIRO Division of Fuel Technology was a tiny research team within the Lucas Heights CSIRO Complex. Incidentally a large and very publicly controversial part of this complex contained Australia's only Nuclear Reactor, which was used at the time for Physics and Health Research.

The installation and commissioning of this new mass spectrometer would provide the possibility of serving the special needs of research groups throughout the many divisions. Mass Spectrometers, devices for sorting ions of substances by their masses, had been around for years. Our project however was unique due to a novel source for the production of the ions. The new source was plasma, or more correctly an inductively coupled plasma. Plasmas are simply very hot gases containing electrically charged species called ions. The beauty of our device was that it was so hot that compounds were broken up into their constituent atoms leaving a relatively simple ionic "soup". When this mixture entered the Mass Spectrometer and was whirled around in the magnetic field to the detector, a very simple mass spectrum was produced, in marked contrast to that resulting from conventional ion sources.

This unique device was in its infancy at the time, with only four or five in existence worldwide. Commercial equipment for this new approach had just been developed by two competing companies. The hardware and software was in the usual state of disarray, typical of recently developed equipment. The first commercial offering worldwide, the one which I had helped prototype, was Canadian. Unfortunately the British model had been purchased. Thus I was in the uncomfortable position of facing, installing and commissioning the, as yet very much unproven, British equipment.

Upon delivering and after a fast disheartening run through, I had to explain this initial sad state of affairs to the head of the laboratory. He reacted by immediately going on holiday, thus leaving me and my talented but unfamiliar cohorts to sort out the mess. Thus followed four months of computer crashes, blood, sweat, tears and much overtime; the latter incurred because when the instrument was in working condition it became essential to continue the session until the inevitable break down. Finally, after many custom modifications by ourselves, we determined that only with new software could the instrument be made functional. This was promptly developed and the first useful results were obtained.

The laboratory boss then returned from his holiday and I happily left for home, leaving him with the kudos for all the great results that were to be forthcoming. Again it was made clear to me that with new techniques, it is within the initial struggles and not in their subsequent daily use that the real excitement of learning and contributing resides.

###### The Bizarre Tale of Two Hummingbirds

Walking along the north boundary of Swan Lake in Markham on an early, sodden fall day last year, a sudden whirring sound accompanied by a flash of sparkling green accosted me,. My mind chugged slowly through a kaleidoscope of possibilities coming to rest at the realization that a ruby throated hummingbird had just buzzed me in its search for late blossoms. These it used to fatten itself for its 6000 kilometer odyssey to its wintering grounds in Central America.

Scanning about it was obvious that bloom was sparsely if at all present to this date. Not to worry I had two suitable feeders, which in my small back yard were attracting little but a plethora of unwelcome wasps. These brightly coloured tubes could easily be filled with sugar solution and secreted in amongst the spruce trees that resided in the fields bordering a nearby duckweed covered pond . Faithfully thereafter I trod through early morning, pant legs soaked by tall grasses and shrivelling foliage of Queen Ann's Lace, to refill these depleting feeders. This ceremony was repeated biweekly until early October, when all feeding activity appeared to cease. Only once or twice was I fortunate enough to catch an iridescent glimpse of an actual hummingbird using my provisioned facilities.

In Eastern Canada there resides, through the summer months only this one species of hummingbird. Among our plentiful seasonal ornithological population, the ruby throat provides residents with a unique peek into what is a numerically rich population. This species of hummingbird, is native mostly to the Caribbean, Mexico, Central and South America.

This encounter brought to mind an incident 10 years previous, when I was similarly seeking a glimpse of a hummingbird, whilst working in rural Brazil. Working under a UNESCO contract with Sao Palo State University, my Brazilian hosts had been incorrectly advised that I was an Ornithologist. Although certainly interested in bird viewing, I was by no means an expert. To my horror I received a phone call, after a week or so after arriving in Brazil, from a real Ornithologist who had gone to the personal trouble of arranging a bird watching trip in a preserve near the city. I was discomfited but felt I should accept.

Upon the appointed Saturday the Ornithologist and his wife picked me up at the Hotel before sunrise and I sat in the back seat of their old style Volkswagen Bug. This popular model had been banned for sale in Canada because of safety issues, but was still the vehicle of choice here, even for the police. For two hours I'd watched dense tropical brush rushing by and felt the pitch and roll of the rutted roads, whilst in continual combat with a potato sack full of what I thought was large diameter hose. On the twisting roads, driven at relatively high speed, the bag persistently slid over against me and I kept shoving it back. Its owners ensconced in the front, were maintaining a continual unintelligible stream of English mixed in with Portuguese. Suddenly on with the brakes and the driver leapt from the car and hefted the potato sack from the back seat. I was curious to know what birding equipment this contained, when much to my terror a large boa constrictor, slowly emerged, looked at us with its slotted eyes, then nonchalantly made its way across the road into the brush.

The Ornithologist, a science teacher at the American School in Campinas, explained that he wanted to dispose of the reptile, which was now too large for captivity, in this "humane" manner. My mind was instantly full of images of this animal locating food sources at , for example, chicken coops on some poor farmers property. I began to wonder if this act was entirely legal, but in Brazil who knows and more likely who would care.

Still recovering my nerves, a few miles further we disembarked at a location with brush on one side and untouched open area on the other. Then out came the viewing scope and books on birds and other nature, including mine on birds of Argentina. A tripod with a specially mounted birding scope was erected and I was given the pre-eminent instruction not to leave the roadway for any reason.

After about 2 hours sighting into the open area we had distinguished about 150 varieties of birds, an astonishing number for a Canadian who, even as an enthusiast, would be lucky to see 200 species in a lifetime in Ontario.

After so many bird sightings I was beginning to show signs of diminishing interest when a Scissor Tailed Hummingbird shot by and began feeding behind, in a nearby lushly blossoming tree filled copse. Wishing a close-up view and possible photo of its unique long, clapper tipped tail, I carefully descended into the grass. About 3 steps later a "fire" ignited in my shoes, creeping slowly upward I was soon engulfed in total inferno like torture. I made a futile dash back to the road, ripping off my clothes as I ran, because at this point I could see red ants emerging down my arms, biting fiercely as they progressed.

For the next too many minutes I stood completely naked on the road as the Ornithologist and his wife, protected in specially designed gloves which they seemed to don with agonizing lethargy, brushed and picked these voracious invaders from every crack, crevice and protrusion of my body. My clothes were ant contaminated throwaways, so the empty sack from the now vanished Anaconda became my mantel, creating quite an impression as I wandered through my hotel lobby upon our return.

