The following program contains mature subject matter.
View discretion is advised.
(audience clapping)
Breakups are tough but what some people are doing to keep
the memory of their ex alive borders on creepy.
Imagine your ex keeping your memory alive in virtual reality
New technology is making it easier than ever to create
adult VR experiences with your ex.
Users report uploading pictures of their ex-flame and
generating virtual mates to fulfill sexual fantasies.
On Reddit, users share stories about collecting a number of
photographs of ex-lovers to generate the most realistic
3D renderings.
Others say they use the renderings of an ex, so they can
sit with them at the dinner table in virtual reality.
So is this invasion of privacy
or just another way to cope with heartbreak?
(audience discussing)
Friend of the show, psychiatrist and relationship expert
Dr. Ish Major joins us
Thank you for joining us Doctor
(audience claps)
Thank you thank you thank you guys for having me
You know as technology continues to grow, you're never
going to be out of business.
At all
It just gets weirder and creepier by the day
It does. If you think having virtual sex with your ex is a
good idea, you're virtually out of your mind.
This is horrible (everyone laughs)
You just- , c'mon. If you'd rather have imaginary sex with
your ex
because they no longer want to have real life sex with you
that tells me you've got some seriously unfinished emotional
business.
But then it's also such a huge violation of privacy.
It really is.
I mean someone is taking whatever photos of you they haad
and they're creating this avatar
Right
In virtual reality
Right
And then my understanding is once they've actually created
this avatar, they can even sell it to other people
They can sell it to other people
Online
Right. And even if you gave that image willingly while
y'all were
together, it was from a place of love and intimacy and trust
that you were going to protect that image.
Now you no longer have their consent to use them.
So just because you have those photos you can't
Right right
They're actually giving advice
before you break up make, make sure you take these
particular photos and these particular, it's creepy.
Right. I'm assuming this is the breaky and not the breaker
and now you're stuck in this cycle. You lost control of this
relationship. But I would offer you another C-word to help
you get control back and that's closure.
You need a way to move on now, right.
And there's a healthy way to do it.
Breakups takes 3 to 9 months, sometime upto 18 if you were
married for a long time but what you need is time and space
to heal and you don't fill that time and space with images
of sex with your ex
What it does is it idealizes your ex
and we all know once you've been through a breakup and
you've had time to heal, a couple of years later
you'll look back and you think to yourself
"what was I doing?"
Right
But this person is never going to get better because
everyday they're having virtual sex with this idealized
version of their ex almost cementing into their mind
how perfect this person was that they can't have.
Ever ever again
Ever right
They're permanent.
They make it even more permanent and so what you're really
talking about is, what's the difference between a healthy
fantasy and an unhealthy fantasy.
And this is unhealthy because it keeps you stuck in that
virtual reality that was
Let's talk about how the fantasy's set.
(guest panel laughs)
Well taboos are healthy right, because it's a part of the
thing that you're not supposed to do.
When we can get a thing we're not supposed to do, our brain
thinks we're doing the thing we really want to do
so it makes it nice and tasty and you got that reward
for being the naughty boy or the naughty girl in the bedroom
but no other places that's dynamically true
That may be a good application for virtual reality with
consent
With consent
I totally get that
Right, but that is not this
Yeah this is a totally different kettle of fish
This is a violation
Because you don't have that privacy. And my understanding
is that private citizens who this happens to
really have no way
of in fact taking control back over their image.
I was talking to Judge Toler from Divorce Court about this
very thing and she was like "the problem is the law hasn't
caught up to the technology, so we have no way to prosecute
when this happens"
People are losing, using your image without your consent
Alright so let's talk about healthy ways to, to get over
someone
other than virtual reality
(pannel laughs)
with your ex. Virtual reality sex with your ex.
And you mentioned that you want closure, you need to put
that aside
Purge. Purge. You don't want any images,
anything that's reminding you of your ex.
If it's an image, if you can taste it, touch it, smell it
just get rid of it because it keeps you stuck
And that doesn't mean
And don't check in on them either.
Put it in the back of the closet in the box just in case
it's get rid of it right
No get rid of it. Purge it and be done
I know you said like not even to follow them on
social media
Don't
Just separate entirely
Unfollow. We're no longer Facebook friends,
I don't want to see your Instagram feed because everything
you, every time you see that image, it takes you back to
the thing
and, we never remember the bad stuff.
We only remember the good stuff right.
And so we look at the pictures like "oh I remember that
night at dinner, with that sweater and the yeah."
But you don't forget the big argument you had after that
and so that's the problem, yeah.
