 WHEN IT WAS THE REPUBLICANS'
TURN, DEVIN NUNES HAMMERED HOME
ONE MESSAGE: THIS WAS ALL A BIG
SHOW BEING DIRECTED BY THE
DEMOCRATS.
>> THE WITNESSES DEEMED SUITABLE
FOR TELEVISION BY THE DEMOCRATS
WERE PUT THROUGH A CLOSED
DOOR AUDITION PROCESS.
 ( AS NUNES )
"THEY REQUIRED THESE WITNESSES
TO SING BOTH A BALLAD AND AN
UP-TEMPO NUMBER.
I NAILED 'SURREY WITH THE FRINGE
ON TOP.'
HOW COME I'M NOT TESTIFYING?"
♪ ♪ ♪
THANK YOU.
THEN
♪ ♪ ♪
 ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: THAT WAS GOOD.
I LIKED THAT YOU DID THAT.
>> Stephen: THEN IT CAME TIME
FOR QUESTIONS FROM G.O.P. STAFF
ATTORNEY AND GUY AT THE GYM
JUDGING HOW MUCH YOU CAN SQUAT,
STEVE CASTOR.
CASTOR SEEMED TO HAVE A CLEAR
STRATEGY-- KEEP BRINGING UP A
BUNCH OF INSANE DEBUNKED
REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
>> IN THE INFORMATION PUBLISHED
BY SERGEY LUSCHENKO ABOUT THE
MANAFOT BLACK LEDGERS IN AUGUST
OF 2016, I MEAN, THE VERY DAY
THAT WAS PUBLISHED, MR. MANAFORT
RESIGNED FROM THE CAMPAIGN,
CORRECT?
>> I DON'T KNOW, MR. CASTOR.
>> BUT CERTAINLY THAT GIVES RISE
TO SOME CONCERNS THAT THE
UKRAINE ESTABLISHMENT WERE OUT
TO GET THE PRESIDENT, AND THAT
IS A VERY REASONABLE BELIEF OF
HIS, CORRECT?
>> I-- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
MR. CASTOR, I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen (AS LAWYER):
"MR. TAYLOR, CAN YOU VERIFY
WHERE BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN?
IS HILLARY CLINTON HER OWN
STUNT DOUBLE?
WAS HUNTER BIDEN PAID $50,000
A MONTH BY BURISMA TO SPRAY THE
CHEM TRAILS THAT ARE TURNING MY
DOG GAY?
WHY ELSE IS MY DOG HUMPING MY
LEG, SIR!"
CORRECT?
 (  LAUGHTER  )
IN A FOLLOW-UP QUESTION, CASTOR
TRIED TO CLARIFY-- KIND OF.
IT WASN'T REALLY CLEAR.
>> THE RUNUP TO THE 2016
ELECTION, THERE'S MANY FACTS
THAT REMAIN UNRESOLVED, AGREED?
>> I AM SORRY.
WHAT'S THE QUESTION?
 (  LAUGHTER  )
>> Stephen: "THE QUESTION IS, IS
IT NOT TRUE THAT THERE ARE
STILL UNKNOWN THINGS IN THIS
WORLD?
IS THERE-- IS THERE A LOCH NESS
MONSTER?
WHERE DID THEY BURY JIMMA HOFFA?
WHY DID I SAY JIMA HOFFA INSTEAD
OF JIMMY HOFFA?
WHY DO MEN HAVE NIPPLES?"
JIMA HOFFA.
JIMA HOFFA.
 ( APPLAUSE )
ACCORDING TO CASTOR, THE
PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE WAS REALLY
INTO MEETING WITH GIULIANI.
>> BUT THE WAY ZELENSKY STATES
IT HERE, IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS
VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD TO
SPEAKING WITH AMERICA'S MAYOR.
>> Stephen: OH, EVERYONE LOOKS
FORWARD TO MEETING PETE
BUTTIGIEG.
HE'S DELIGHTFUL.
 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JUST SO NICE.
>> Jon: THAT'S A GOOD GUY!
>> Stephen: AFTER, THAT
REPRESENTATIVES WERE GIVEN FIVE
MINUTES OF QUESTIONING EACH, AND
G.O.P. REPRESENTATIVE MIKE
TURNER HAD A NOVEL APPROACH TO
HIS QUESTIONING.
>> AMBASSADOR YOU TESTIFIED
ABOUT A NUMBER OF THINGS THAT
YOU HEARD.
ISN'T IT POSSIBLE THAT THE
THINGS THAT YOU HEARD WERE NOT
TRUE?
YOU COULD BE WRONG, CORRECT?
AND THEY COULD BE WRONG, OR THEY
COULD BE MISTAKEN?
RIGHT?
SO YOU COULD BE WRONG.
>> Stephen: SO THAT'S THEIR
BEST ARGUMENT?
"MAYBE THERE IS NO REALITY.
UH, MAYBE EVERYTHING IS JUST AN
ILLUSION CREATED BY AN EVIL
GENIUS TO DECEIVE US ABOUT THE
NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE.
MAYBE WE'RE ALL STARDUST WHERE
THERE IS NO UP OR DOWN OR RIGHT
OR WRONG OR HIGH CRIMES OR
MISDEMEANORS.
THIN, THEN, REPUBLICAN-- NOTHING
CAN BE KNOWN!
NOTHING CAN BE KNOWN.
THEN REPRESENTATIVE
REPRESENTATIVE JOHN RATCLIFFE
SHARED THIS IRONCLAD DEFENSE OF
TRUMP'S UKRAINE CALL.
>> WHAT DID PRESIDENT ZELENSKY
ACTUALLY DO TO GET THE AID?
THE ANSWER IS NOTHING.
HE DID NOTHING.
HE DIDN'T OPEN ANY
HE DIDN'T CALL ATTORNEY GENERAL
BILL BARR.
HE DIDN'T DO ANY OF THE THINGS
THAT HOUSE DEMOCRATS SAY THAT HE
WAS BEING FORCED AND COERCED AND
THREATENED TO DO.
>> Stephen: SO TRUMP GOT CAUGHT
BEFORE HE COULD FORCE ZELENSKY
TO DO IT.
HE FAILED, BUT THE FACT THAT
HE'S A BAD CRIMINAL DOESN'T MAKE
IT NOT A CRIME.
BECAUSE IF BEING BAD AT
SOMETHING MAKES YOU NOT THAT
THING, THEN TRUMP IS NOT A
BUSINESS OWNER OR A HUSBAND.
THEN--
 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEN-- ALL OVER THE PLACE.
JUST BLACK ICE.
THEN DEMOCRAT ERIC SWALWELL HAD
SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WHEN
HE TRIED TO PLAY A CLIP OF MICK
MULVANEY.
>> AMBASSADOR TAYLOR, I WOULD
LIKE YOU TO LISTEN TO WHAT HE
SAID.
I'LL READ IT FOR YOU.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
>> Stephen: THAT'S
EMBARRASSING.
JIM, CAN WE SEE THAT CLIP AGAIN?
 (  LAUGHTER  )
LET'S JUST MOVE ON.
LET'S JUST MOVE ON.
THE REAL REPUBLICAN ATTACK DOG
WAS OHIO CONGRESSMAN AND
AMERICA'S ASSISTANT WRESTLING
COACH, JIM JORDAN.
JORDAN KEPT CALLING FOR THE
WHISTLEBLOWER TO TESTIFY,
BECAUSE HE SAID HE WANTED TO
TALK TO THE GUY WHO STARTED IT
ALL.
BUT HE WAS SHUT DOWN BY
VERMONT'S PETER WELCH.
>> I SAY TO MY COLLEAGUE, I
WOULD BE GLAD TO HAVE THE PERSON
WHO STARTED IT ALL COME IN AND
TESTIFY.
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS WELCOME
TO TAKE A SEAT RIGHT THERE.
 ( LAUGHTER ) 
 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: OOOOOOOOOOON H!
>> Stephen: IS THIS ON?
THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL
WEEK, SERIOUSLY.
THIS IS NEVER GOING TO END.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
TIM ROBBINS IS HERE.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, DONALD TRUMP
TALKS TURKEY.
STICK AROUND.
