[MUSIC PLAYING]
SPEAKER: Please help me welcome
to the stage Alexis Jones.
[APPLAUSE]
ALEXIS JONES: That's good.
I don't need that.
I think I'm all good.
Hi, Googlers.
AUDIENCE: Hi.
AUDIENCE: Whoo.
ALEXIS JONES: I was listening
to all the different cool groups
you all have.
I'm super into it.
And you have the best
snacks of anything
I've ever been a
part of-- so the fact
that I've been obsessed
and eaten more today
than I have in a week.
I always want to preface
with two questions.
One, are you OK with me having
a conversation with you?
Are you cool with that?
Awesome.
And two, are you OK with me
being really honest and really
vulnerable?
Are you cool with that?
Awesome.
Because I think, especially if
you're a speaker for a living,
which I am--
I have the luxury of
traveling around and getting
to have conversations.
It's really easy to get up
and perform until I just
go directly into your schtick.
And I think it's kind of
an injustice to people
because I think we deserve
to have actual conversations.
So I don't take it
lightly that you're here.
I understand that you all
have a million things that you
could be doing right now.
So the fact that you've
shown up means so much.
So I don't take that lightly.
So thank you.
It's a privilege to be
here in front of you all.
That being said,
we'll kind of dive in.
I'm a big fan of not
reinventing the wheel.
So is there anyone
who's a brave soul?
Not a single brave--
there we go.
There we go, buddy.
What's your name?
AUDIENCE: Hi, I'm Todd.
ALEXIS JONES: Todd, do you
mind standing up and reading
this quote?
AUDIENCE: Sure, absolutely.
ALEXIS JONES: And
by the way, do we
recognize, what is the
number one fear above death?
Do we know what this is?
Public speaking.
So thank you, Todd.
Can everyone just go like
this and put your hands
towards Todd.
[LAUGHTER]
Doesn't that feel good?
We're just going
to keep doing that.
That's just loving
on you, buddy.
Oh, yeah, read it
loud and proud.
AUDIENCE: Martin
Luther King, Jr.
"Our lives begin
to end the day we
become silent about the
things that matter."
ALEXIS JONES: OK, that
wasn't even planted.
That was good.
[LAUGHTER]
That was legit.
Thank you, Todd.
Do we have one more brave soul?
Yeah, buddy.
What's your name?
AUDIENCE: [? Maton. ?]
ALEXIS JONES:
[? Maton. ?] Great name.
Stand up.
Hands up.
You kind of feel it don't
you a little bit, all that?
Yeah.
AUDIENCE: "If you
stand for nothing,
you will fall for anything."
ALEXIS JONES: There
you go, buddy.
Totally.
I like it.
Thank you so much.
Those are two
things I really live
by-- this idea of being
silent about the things
that absolutely matter
in this lifetime
and also the idea of what do
you stand for in this lifetime.
I think it's going to
be a conversation we're
going to have throughout
this whole thing.
But that means-- to kind of dive
into a little bit of my story,
which, again, I think is
part of the vulnerability
piece of being able to get
up and share the things that
are important.
I feel like whenever
you tell your story,
you have to show adorable
pictures of yourself.
So this was me growing up.
I was a precocious girl
growing up in Austin, Texas.
Do we have any
Texans in the house?
AUDIENCE: Whoo.
ALEXIS JONES: What?
Yes.
OK, Corpus Christi.
Where are we at?
What?
OK.
I love you already.
AUDIENCE: Austin.
ALEXIS JONES: Austin?
Come on, this is
just getting better.
I just had those chips.
Never had them before,
but they are awesome.
AUDIENCE: They're good.
ALEXIS JONES: Yeah.
That's good to know.
15 grams of protein.
Who knew?
Things you learn when
you're at Google.
So this was me growing up.
And I think the other
thing is, to know
me is to know that
my mother is my hero.
My mom is my best
friend, and she
is the coolest, most
badass woman I've ever
met in my entire life.
And the fact that I
get to call her mom,
the fact that she's been
the role model that I've
been able to emulate
my whole life
is probably my greatest
privilege and probably
my greatest success.
The other thing to
know about me is I
grew up with four
older brothers.
So I grew up, again,
a precocious girl
in Texas, four older brothers.
My dad is the best
man that I know.
And he's my real life superhero.
I also happened to
marry a guy named
Brad Buckman, a kid that
I went to middle school
and high school with
and didn't know.
But after graduating
college 10 years later,
I wouldn't have seen
or talked to him,
but would come back
around and end up
marrying this guy who played
professional basketball
for nine years.
So to understand this
intersection of the fact
that I grew up with
really being a connoisseur
of phenomenal men.
My story around men was
that they were awesome,
that was my
experience with them.
And that being said, it led me
to starting "I Am That Girl"
because the other
thing to know about me
is that I grew up in Austin.
You know the stereotype.
What's the stereotype
of Westlake?
And you can be honest.
AUDIENCE: Money.
ALEXIS JONES: Money.
That was a really polite
way of saying that--
it's like money-- super
obnoxious, rich, wealthy,
all the expectations
and stereotypes
that come with that.
The only thing was that
growing up in Westlake,
I always joked that I was
the girl from the other side
of the tracks.
So I grew up with a working mom.
And when I said
she was a warrior,
to understand that my
mom was a single mom.
Her and my mom had gotten
divorced at a young age when
I was young.
But they were
awesome co-parents.
So I always say we have the
most dysfunctionally functioning
family that's ever existed.
But I don't have a memory in
which my mom and dad weren't
front and center for
everything that I ever did.
My dad coached
everything I ever played.
To have the humility
as parents that,
even in the midst of
a divorce, to say--
the willingness to die to
their ego, to say our kids
are more important than
even our own drama,
whatever that drama was.
So I also couple
that with, maybe we
didn't have a lot of money, but
I was a billionaire in love.
And I think with
great opportunity
and great wealth comes
massive responsibility.
And that was something
that was really
imbued in me from a young age.
And so to understand this
idea that there was a massive
insecurity because I was a
poor kid going to a rich-kid
school--
and at nine years
old, the teachers
pulled me aside and
pulled my mom aside
and said we're really worried
about Alexis because she's
showing up to school
smelling like smoke.
And does someone in
your family smoke?
Because we're afraid that maybe
she's sneaking cigarettes.
And my mom didn't have
the heart to tell her
that she was working two jobs
and going to night school
as a single parent of five kids.
And to make extra money, she
was a paralegal during the day.
To make extra money, she
would bartend at night.
And then to make even a little
extra money, before we showed
up to this rich school in
Austin, that we would show up
to the bar at 5 o'clock in
the morning to clean the bar.
So I was stocking beer,
and I was cleaning urinals
at nine years old.
So I was maids.
My family, we were maids.
And growing up in an environment
where all my friends had
live-in maids--
there's a big discrepancy
between the haves
and the have-nots.
I would say I don't know
what that is for you.
I don't know what
your insecurity is.
We live in a society
that is ruled
by duality, that is ruled by--
you're too fat, or you're
too skinny, or too smart,
or you're not smart enough,
or you're too tall or too
short, or some something.
And whether that's you growing
up with a pill-popping dad
or whether you grew up
with a deadbeat mom,
or whether you grew up with
some kind of abuse or some kind
of addiction, the truth is--
and I think at this
age, we get to talk--
when I talk to middle
school and high school,
it's a different conversation.
But as adults, we have
just enough heartbreak.
We have just enough
disappointment.
We have just enough failure.
We have just enough
moments of self-doubt
that can really
justify a cynical life.
And so for me to understand
that I don't have
to understand the monsters.
I don't have to understand
the insecurities and the masks
that you wear to understand
this concept of Me Too.
And I think what's interesting
is we live in a culture
right now that is driven
by perfection, that
is driven by a facade,
especially when you look
at social media.
It's driven by a facade
of a projection of who
we want people to think
that we are as opposed
to who we really are.
And we're going to
get into conversations
about the consumption of media
and how much it's affecting
our belief systems, and
our definition of self,
and how we're treating
people in the world,
and how we're
treating ourselves.
So again, I don't
have to understand
what your insecurities
are and what you woke up
with this morning struggling
with what you struggle
with every single day.
But the irony is
that I actually think
our insecurities are the glue
that holds humanity together.
And so to flip the
script on the fact that,
rather than hide
our insecurities
and pretend that
we're not struggling
and to pretend that
we're perfect, I think,
creates a barrier for
us to actually get
to know each other.
This power of
vulnerability, the stuff
that Brene Brown preaches on,
she in herself is a goddess.
But this idea of how can we
learn to accept who we are,
not who we think the world is
telling us that we should be.
That's a silent revolution.
That's the kind of stuff
that has the ability
to alter the world.
That's the kind of stuff
that Gandhi talks about--
personifying all that you
wish to see in the world
and having the courage
to first embrace
who you are on the
inside and being
that which you want to see.
That was the impetus
for "I Am That Girl."
It was the idea
that I was a broken
girl and I went from
being a poor kid going
to a rich-kid school.
And then going to USC, which was
like Westlake on crack cocaine,
right?
I mean, top three most expensive
schools in the entire country.
So I went to this
private school.
And then, all of a
sudden, it was, like,
all of my insecurities
magnified.
And I ended up doing this
play by Eve Ensler called
"The Vagina Monologues."
And I just remember,
all of a sudden,
it was the first time I
ever had the opportunity
to stand on a stage and to talk
about things that mattered.
And I don't know
what your passion is,
and I don't know
what your purpose is.
And I don't know
if that's something
that you get to exercise
here in the grounds at Google
or if that's something
you get to do
in your hobby in your lifetime.
But I know that if we don't
live a purpose-filled life
in something that
gives us meaning
that there's an expiration
date on our happiness.
And there's an expiration
date on our ability
to wake up everyday joyful.
So I did this play
by Eve Ensler and I
got to talk about these
things that matter.
And I came back to my
sorority at the time.
And I sat down with six girls.
And I said, we have a
lot of conversations
about things that don't matter.
Like, that's the luxury
of a first world.
We get to talk about boys,
and movies, and gossip,
and clothes, and shoes,
and all these things.
What if, once a week,
we had conversations
about things that did matter?
Would you come?
Would you show up?
And at that first meeting,
I had six girls show up.
And six meetings later, there
were 347 girls showing up.
And what was so
powerful about that
was that it transcended
the matrix of diversity.
These weren't just
sorority girls.
This was all the girls from the
international relations classes
that I was involved in.
These were athletes.
These were dudes showing up.
Our star quarterback
at USC, Matt Leinart,
was one of my best friends.
These were alpha dudes showing
up because they were like, yo,
one, I know where the
girls are hanging out.
Two, I too want to
have conversations
about things that matter.
And what was crazy,
at 19 years old--
and part of it is blissful
ignorance, right--
about why not me?
Why not now?
Those 347 girls have thus
grown into 1.2 million girls.
We have chapters in 24
countries around the world now.
Because I think that, when we're
looking at this generation,
this is a generation
who deeply cares
about contributing to the world
and, truthfully, don't even
really know where to begin.
And I think that, that
is an awesome entry point
to understand a generation
that is inundated
with so much technology and
with analysis paralysis, quite
frankly, so many options.
And so to understand this
movement of a million girls,
what's fascinating with
this intersection was--
I was always such a
tomboy growing up.
I was an athlete.
Like I said, I grew up
with four older brothers.
And we were late to
church every Sunday
because we were watching
"ESPN Highlights."
And so I always straddled
this interesting line
of being an athlete
and a tomboy.
And all my best
friends were guys.
But then, all of a sudden, I
was super into girl empowerment.
And I cared about the
treatment of girls
because I'd been so blessed to
have been so divinely protected
my entire life.
And so to see the intersection
of-- after starting
"I Am That Girl," I ended
up hosting a TV show
on the red carpet
for three years.
That quickly
transitioned into me
working at Fox Sports
and ESPN and getting
to work a lot in the
entertainment industry
and, again, this intersection.
But it wasn't
until Trent Dilfer,
who's a commentator
for ESPN, who
won a Super Bowl playing for
the Baltimore Ravens called me.
And he said, here's the thing.
I have this camp.
It's called Elite 11.
It's the top 18
quarterbacks in the country.
Is there any way that
we could convince
you to come and give a talk on
the importance of respecting
girls?
And I was kind of like
half laughing on the phone.
And I said, Trent, why don't
you bring in some dude?
Bring in some dad
that they respect.
And he was, like,
no, here's the thing.
I actually think
that the conversation
needs to come from a girl.
And more importantly--
and Yogi Roth
was involved in this
entire conversation.
He's one of my best friends
who's a commentator-- the face
of the Pac-12 Network.
And Yog said, here's the thing.
It needs to come from a girl
because they've been hearing
this from guys left and right.
But the difference is
not only are you a girl,
but you know football better
than any of these dudes.
And so they're going to
have mad respect for you.
So you have to come in.
And they convinced me to
come and give this talk.
And I called my husband Brad,
who's a 6' 9" poster boy
of feminism.
I call him, and I
say, babe, they want
me to come and give this talk.
I've never spoken
to guys before.
What do you think?
How should I go
about doing this?
And he said, the
truth is, you're going
to have to reframe it for guys.
Because the truth is, to
understand where they're coming
from, you have to reframe it.
Because he said
here's the thing.
At 18 years old, when you're
talking about sexual assault
prevention, an 18-year-old boy
doesn't get past the word sex,
right?
You're like sexual
assault prevention,
and they're, like, sex.
Right?
And all of a sudden, they are
imagining the hot sorority
girls that they want to bang.
That's the truth.
He's, like, that is
who they are imagining.
So he said, if I
were you, I would
pull pictures of
their sisters and moms
and girlfriends
from social media,
and I'd put it in
your presentation.
So what I didn't anticipate
on the other side
of this video that
was aired on ESPN
was that a week later
everything with Ray Rice
would come out, right?
So a couple of years ago, Ray
Rice hitting his girlfriend
in the elevator, and that
would clearly go viral.
And having been the girl
in the locker room giving
these tough love conversations
with these guys, that suddenly
overnight-- and I went from--
and I've joked at this point
that, over the past decade, I've
keynoted every single women's
conference in America.
And overnight, I was hired
by Division I locker rooms
all over the country to
have this conversation
with young men on the
importance of respecting women.
Because when we start
looking at the statistics,
the pandemic levels--
1 in 4 girls would be sexually
assaulted on a college campus.
University of Texas just came
out a report that 1 in 3 girls
have been sexually
assaulted on their campus.
There's another
university that I
won't name because their
survey hasn't gone public,
but 78% of girls in
a major university
have been sexually assaulted
on their college campus.
We know the staggering 1 in
3 teens experienced some form
of physical abuse or threat.
And the thing about that stat
that is the most terrifying
is, oftentimes, that's their
actual definition of love
because that's coming
from a boyfriend.
1 in 2 women are walking around
having experienced something.
So we're beyond pandemic levels.
And to understand
also the 1 in 4--
that's based off of
only 20% of girls
who will ever say anything.
96% of girls who get
admitted into rehab
are sexually assaulted at
some point in their life.
So you can imagine, when
you do the real math,
we're beyond pandemic
levels of what's happening.
We're a first world, and we
can't send our daughters,
and our sisters, and our girls
to get a higher education
without flipping a coin.
To me, I think that
every single generation--
I think that in
any given lifetime,
that we're presented
with an opportunity
to understand and to stand
on a side of history.
And I often wonder,
historically--
and I remember
asking my dad when
I was 14 years old
at the dinner table--
these are the kind
of conversations
I had at the dinner table.
I remember saying,
Daddy, do you think
that I would have hidden Jewish
people during World War II
even though I wasn't
raised Jewish?
I said, do think that
I would have fought
at the height of the Civil
Rights for African Americans,
even though I'm clearly
not African American?
And I remember there
was this brief pause.
And my dad looked at me, and he
said, of course you would have.
Because I raised a
daughter to lend a voice
to people whose voice
has been taken away.
And I raised a daughter to stand
for people who can't stand.
And my god, did I
raise a daughter
to fight for people who
have no fight left in them.
And I often wonder, in
those historical moments,
did they even
understand that there
was an invitation for them
to step up and do something?
Or were they in a situation
where they were just
going with the flow?
And life is stressful, and
there's a million to-dos,
and there's all these
responsibilities.
And they were just going
through the motions,
not recognizing that, in
any given moment, any given
lifetime, in any given
generation, that we
are provided an opportunity
to say what kind of person
will I choose to
be in this moment?
And so to understand,
I genuinely believe--
especially on behalf
of my generation--
I genuinely believe
that this is one
of the biggest invitations is
the current treatment of girls
and women.
And I think we've been
going about it really wrong.
And I've been part
of that problem,
if I'm being really honest.
Because having preached
to women for a decade,
it didn't dawn on
me until this moment
that we've missed the window.
And we've missed the opportunity
to invite men to participate.
The fact that, for
an entire decade,
I've been preaching in
rooms with only women,
preaching to half the
sky about the problem,
preaching to the
choir, quite frankly.
Because there's not a
woman that I know who
hasn't had some kind of
incident, some kind of run-in,
whether it's catcalls,
or sexual harassment,
or sexual assault, or something.
There is not a woman who
walks around and says, weird--
I felt safe my whole life.
There is no-- I mean, that's
why we're laughing, right?
Because it's so ridiculous.
And I remember looking
at my husband once--
and again, 6' 9"
professional athlete.
And I said, what is it like?
And he said, what
do you mean, babe?
I said, that you've never
one time felt unsafe.
What is that like?
Because every single
day, there is a moment--
a fleeting, maybe--
but every single day,
there is a moment
as a woman where
I wonder whether I'm safe.
And whether that is
a physical safety,
whether that is an
emotional safety,
whether that is a mental
or spiritual safety--
every single moment
from the time
that I've been conscious
enough to be aware that I've
experienced that fear.
And what would it be like?
What kind of
liberation and freedom
would it be to not have
to live with that fear?
And so to understand
these facts--
and so when I walked in--
and his suggestion of put
pictures of their sisters,
and moms, and girlfriends.
And in the first three
minutes of the conversation
when I walked into this
first talk for Elite 11--
and I said, 1 in 4 girls
would be sexually assaulted,
and it was the
traditional eye roll
that you get that he'd
already prepared me for.
He was like, here's the thing.
As a professional athlete,
I've heard this talk
1,000 different times in every
different way of officers
coming and being, like, you're
going to get 14 years if you
ever rape someone.
And 99% of these guys would
never intentionally do that.
So immediately, they zone out.
And they're like,
well, I'm not a--
OK.
This isn't relevant
to me, right?
Or they bring in, heaven
forbid, a survivor
who shares her experience.
And they have the same
reaction of, well,
I would never hold a
woman down while she's
screaming against her will.
And so when I come in,
and I said, 1 in 4 girls--
the eye roll of, it's this talk.
OK, I get it.
And I put up this slide.
And I said, that being
said, what if it was her?
And I memorized 10 to 15 names.
And I've pulled
pictures of their moms
and their sisters and
their girlfriends.
And I said, what
if it was Sarah?
What if it was Danielle?
What if it was your
single mom Laura?
Talk to me about these women.
And there was a visceral
reaction in the room.
And now these guys aren't
thinking about the random girls
that they want to have sex with.
They are thinking about the
only girls in their life
that they don't want
anyone having sex with.
All of a sudden, it ignited--
I think that there is truly a
predilection inside of male DNA
that is hard-wired to protect.
And all of a sudden, it
ignited that version of them
that wasn't slumped back in
their chair with their arms
across their body
and their eye roll.
This was a vigilance.
This was a sitting straight up.
This was a call to arms.
This was a battle cry.
This was an invitation.
This was you tell me
what I have to do.
Put me in, Coach.
Because if you're
talking about her,
that's a different conversation.
So you tell me what you
need from me in order
to show up in this space.
And I was absolutely
unprepared for the reaction
that half the guys in
the room started crying--
immediate, visceral,
emotional response
to seeing pictures of
the women that they love.
And that was the
opportunity, right?
Because the truth is
that this version exists
inside of every man, right?
There is a version of us.
And inside of
every woman there's
a little girl inside
of us that never
grows up much past this age.
And so to invite
them to participate--
and the truth is that this
little boy, at a certain age,
gets told that he's not
allowed to feel anymore.
He's certainly not
allowed to express
how he feels in a society with a
toxic definition of masculinity
that tells him to perform
in all of these areas that--
and there are three
consistent things,
when I walk into a
locker room when I say
you tell me what manhood is.
Give me words.
And I'll use
something like this.
And I start writing down words.
And every time, they usually
start with really respectful--
when I say, what
does manhood mean?
And they're like,
it means leadership.
It means protecting.
And it means-- and I
say, OK, that's adorable.
Super sweet.
I don't think dudes are
rapping about, (RAPPER VOICE)
this guy's got some
crazy integrity.
[LAUGHTER]
I was like, I don't
think they're talking
about character, and-- right?
And I'm like, so tell me really.
What are we talking about?
And finally, when we really
start getting honest.
And consistently, in
every single locker room--
and now I've spent
going on for years,
220 days a year in locker rooms
with alpha male athletes--
three consistently-- be rich,
be famous, bang as many girls
as you can.
And they're doing
it effectively.
That's the programming that
they're receiving right now.
And so to understand
the fact that there
is a deep, embedded
programming, to understand
that we, as a culture, have
programmed them very well--
so to understand what
this programming is,
they're consuming 10
hours of media a day.
10.3 hours on average-- they're
consuming 3,000 brand images.
We have 98% of millennial boys
learn about sex through porn
at 12 years old.
So we start understanding that,
if you put any human being
in front of a screen
for 10.3 hours a day,
and when we start to break
down the content that they're
consuming in the video games
that they play in the music
lyrics that they're listening to
in the movies that they watch--
the glorification of
violence against women,
the overt hyper-sexuality,
the objectification.
That I really-- all
of a sudden, when
I started really digging
into what is going on
is the fact that,
like I said, they're
doing exactly what we
program them to do.
So it's not actually their
fault. Doesn't mean it's
not their responsibility.
There's a difference between
stupidity and ignorance.
And when I come in, and
I talk to them, instead
of standing on a
platform telling them
that they're failing at a job
that they didn't know they had,
instead of coming in and
pointing fingers and being,
like, you, as a dude, inherently
should feel bad about yourself
because-- right?
Instead, coming in and
saying, look, here's the deal.
My bad.
OK.
As a women's empowerment woman--
is that a thing-- women's
empowerment woman?
As a women's empowerment
woman, my bad.
And I apologize on
behalf of the fact
that we didn't recognize how
important you were and that,
for a long time, that we blamed
you, and we pointed fingers,
and we stood on soapboxes.
And by the way, that
is not an inspiring way
to inspire any kind of change.
And instead coming
in and saying,
actually, we've never
needed you as much
as we need you right now.
And by the way, the
amount of backlash
that I get from women in
that statement of saying,
we need you, and them saying, we
don't need guys to protect us.
And I have to do all
of these asterisked--
by the way, protector
is not just for men.
It's an invitation to humanity.
Because the truth is
that we all need it.
As women, we have to
better protect ourselves.
I don't just mean physically.
I mean we are our worst
critics, amen, sisters?
Are we so brutally
awful to ourselves?
We look in the mirror,
and the only thing we see
are the flaws and all the things
we wish that we could change?
And then worse is there's
a symbiotic relationship.
The way in which
we treat people is
practice for the way in
which we treat ourself.
And the way in which
we treat ourself
is practice for how
we treat people.
So of course we're so
good at being mean-- like,
the Simon Cowell that
exists inside of our brain.
And we have so
much damn practice
with the self-loathing.
But then we turn around,
and we look at the way
in which we treat one another.
If we think we're
brutal to ourselves,
look at how we
treat one another.
Look at how we
treat our sisters.
There's a zero-sum game
embedded in how women are raised
and how we're programmed.
So yes, it's an
invitation for us
as women to better
protect ourselves
and to be kinder and more
compassionate and more
empathetic and more
understanding with ourselves.
But it's also an
invitation for us
to protect each other better.
And how are we
doing a better job
of injecting more empathy and
compassion for other women?
And yes, it is
also an invitation
for men to participate.
Because I think
that's the only way
that we're ever going
to see any change.
Because this isn't a
women's movement anymore.
And maybe that was the
problem to begin with.
This isn't a women's movement.
This is a human movement.
And if this is, in
fact, a human movement,
then it requires the entire
sky, not half the sky.
So to understand, this is the
current definition of womanhood
that's been programmed
for us, that there
are two ways in which women
are told that we matter.
In the same 10 hours of
media a day that we consume,
it's our physical
attractiveness based
on impossible, unrealistic,
impossible expectation
of beauty, and it's the
attention that we get from men.
As men, do you have any idea
how powerful that makes you?
That half of how I
have been programmed
to matter in this world is the
attention that I get from you?
So to understand, this is what
our daughters and our girls
are battling.
Because we're so shocked,
right, that girls
feel shitty about
themselves when
that's what we consume
10 hours of media a day.
The truth is the guys don't
have it much better, right?
Again, the three ways
in which guys are
told that they matter--
be rich, be famous, hook
up with a ton of girls.
So this, unfortunately, is
what young men are battling.
So the truth is,
between those two,
you can understand that there's
this perfect storm at play.
And so to understand the perfect
storm is to understand that
the opportunity to
come into locker rooms,
which are the
real-life gladiators--
when you look historically,
you look at the guys that--
all the other guys-- and
when you ask the boys
under the age of 10,
what do you want to be,
more often than not, it's
a professional athlete
in some capacity.
So to understand
the way in which
our culture has
set athletes up as
these mythological gladiators.
So when I was given
the opportunity
and invited into a
locker room to have
a conversation with the actual
influencers themselves--
and look, I have horror
stories of the things
that I've heard in locker
rooms at my expense
especially when guys
thought that I couldn't
hear what they were saying.
I walked out of one locker
room after having just finished
a talk.
And right as I turned the
corner, one of the guys
looked to his two buddies.
And he said, yeah, she
wouldn't talk so much
with my dick in her mouth.
And I turned the corner, and
I said, hey, man, what's up?
And his two buddies
bailed him immediately.
Because they were,
like, and we're out.
See you.
And I looked at him.
And I said, here's the thing.
It's actually not-- it's
not personal, right?
So it's actually kind
of an unoriginal comment
if we really want to dissect
it to give you insight
into your degradation
of me as a woman
and then your overt,
hypersexuality
of me at my expense
actually isn't personal.
The truth is, what I'm
curious about in this moment
is who hurt you?
And there was this long pause.
And I said, did you
have a girlfriend--
she break up with you?
She cheat on you?
Your sister mean
to you growing up?
And there was this long pause.
And he started
welling up with tears.
We're talking a 6' 5" alpha
dude welling up with tears.
And he couldn't make
eye contact at me
because he was staring
down at the ground.
And he said, my mom
left me at four.
What fucking woman
leaves a child?
And he started sobbing.
And I said, here's the thing.
Now that, that's fucking brave.
That other stuff
that you're doing?
The dick in my--
that, I mean, come on.
That-- the bravery to
have the vulnerability
to say out loud the pain and the
fear that you've experienced.
And then for another
hour and a half,
he sat there bawling
and talking to me
about how he basically
saw his mom's
face on every single girl.
And he was so
angry, and he didn't
know what to do about it.
And he didn't know.
And I think that that is
the stuff that lights me up.
The stuff that lights me
up is, last night we did
a screening of "ProtectHer."
And when one of the top tennis
players in the entire country--
who's 19 years old, who's
ranked number one right now
in this country-- came up to me.
And he was, like,
here's a thing--
and then wrote me a text
message this long saying
if there's anything I could
do, if there's anything--
I want to be involved in--
I live for the stories of
the hope that exists inside
of these guys when we
give them permission
to openly communicate
about their pain points.
The truth is, we can inspire
and motivate all day long.
But the truth is, to
not take the time--
and maybe this is what
our country is lacking.
And maybe this is actually
the bigger conversation--
the intersectionality of we look
at every facet of our country
right now, and
it's pretty tragic.
You look at the
environment, and you
look at the political
spectrum, you
look at the treatment
of women, you
look at the social issues
that are happening.
And maybe the real point is
it's less about motivating.
It's less about
me coming in here
and inspiring you
and empowering you.
And maybe it's about,
how can we as humanity--
and Google's the
best at innovation.
But are we having
enough conversations
about innovating humanity?
What does that look like?
Because we've gotten
really, really
good at innovating technology
and industry and all
of these different things.
But what are we doing about
taking a pause to step back?
Because when you look at every
single industrial revolution,
whenever you look at
dark days, dark ages,
it was always preceded by
technological revolution.
Because sometimes,
maybe it's easier
to jump on board of
technological advances.
And maybe in those
moments, we actually lose
sight of the ability for
us to actually engage
in our own humanity
and say, what do we
have to do to make sure that
we're constantly injecting
more compassion and more empathy
and more patience and more
love?
And maybe we're
missing the point right
now in the 10 hours of media
that we consume every day.
Maybe we've missed the point
of being silent long enough
to figure out who the fuck
we are so that we can love
ourselves a little bit more.
Because you can't give
something you don't have.
And if we don't
have self-respect,
and if we don't have
self-compassion and self-love,
we are in no position to
offer that to anyone else.
And so standing in these locker
rooms with the opportunity
to say maybe--
maybe I missed it.
One of my favorite
scenes in "Selma,"
which is an incredible movie,
is two young African American
activists, and they're talking
to Martin Luther King, Jr.
And he's sitting
there, and he says,
what are you doing
here in Selma?
And they look at him.
And they say, with all of the
enthusiasm of young activists,
and they say, we're here.
We're trying to create African
American consciousness.
And Martin Luther King,
Jr. Starts laughing
as an activist veteran.
And he says, I don't think
that we, as African Americans,
need more consciousness
around the prejudice
that we experience everyday.
I don't think that we need more
consciousness around the police
brutality.
What we need is
white consciousness.
And all of a sudden, there
was this huge moment.
And it dawned on me that I was,
like, I don't need more women.
I don't need more
groups of women talking
about how we feel insecure
and scared and unsafe and
disrespected and
[? degradated. ?]
We don't need more
speaking to the choir.
What we need is we need
consciousness and buy-in
from dudes stepping
up to the plate
and being the badass humans
that we know them to be.
What we need is
men to participate
in this because we're certainly
not doing anything on our own.
And at the very
least, I think we
can have the humility
to say whatever
we've been doing isn't working.
So maybe it's just worthy
trying something else.
So what's interesting
is, in this idea
of redefining a rock
star-- so when I come in,
and I'm able to share
these different videos
that I think explain it really
well and in a funny way--
and what's amazing to me is
how receptive these guys are.
We still, I think, have half
the states teaching abstinence
as the best form of--
AUDIENCE: Birth control.
ALEXIS JONES: Thank you.
Birth control.
Contraceptives.
So I think we're
missing an opportunity,
not only to have the
conversation about innovation
within humanity.
I think we're actually
missing a conversation--
or we have the
opportunity, rather--
to talk about, how are
we disrupting education?
How are we able
to create videos?
How are we able to create
edutainment, if you will,
that is entertaining and
simultaneously educating?
Because I think that's the
cutting edge of education
is, let's meet
them where they're
at as opposed to old workshops.
I mean, when I came in
working with these coaches--
and like I said, now having
worked for several years
now-- coming in and
working with these coaches.
They were pulling
out these binders
with dust flying everywhere
with Garfield references.
And this is their sexual
assault prevention programs.
And I was like, in what world?
Guys aren't doing worksheets
anymore on this stuff.
So how are we creating
digital education?
And how are we creating stuff
that is funny, and is edgy,
and is kind of inappropriate?
Because the truth is, the
minute that I have a coach who's
concerned about my
profanity and my language,
they clearly aren't concerned
about the actual issue at hand.
So I'm less concerned
about dropping an F-bomb
because I'm meeting these
guys exactly where they're at.
And instead, how we start
having conversations
around consent
that is educational
that does prepare them for
these different circumstances?
And how are we also, as a
country and within media,
redefining what it
means to be a rock star?
How are we positive
storytelling?
Because all media ever
wants to talk about right
now are the bad apples
or the guys messing up.
Well, there are so many
guys doing it right.
So when we look at
the Brock Turner case,
why was the entire-- why
does every single person
in this room know the name
Brock Turner and Stanford
in this crazy rape situation?
Why don't we know the
names of Carl and Peter
who are the two
guys who saved her?
AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE]
ALEXIS JONES: That, two guys
rolled up on a situation,
saw something sketchy
going on, they literally
jump off their bikes.
Homeboy jumps up and
starts to run off.
They chase him, they tackle
him, they bring him to justice.
Why was the story
not, two heroes
from Stanford save a girl?
Those are the kind of
stories that have the ability
to change our entire culture.
Because you can't become
what you can't see.
So why aren't we
telling those stories?
Why aren't we celebrating
the Christian Garcias
who sees a sexual assault
behind a dumpster at a party
and walks out, and intervenes,
and does something about it?
Or Manny Wilkins, who's
the star quarterback at USC
who shows up to I Am That
Girl chapter meetings?
And every time someone talks
about a girl in a locker room
and refers to her as a bitch,
he interrupts and says,
why's she got to
be a bitch, bro?
That guy single-handedly
is changing the culture
of his locker room by stepping
up and saying, why you got
to talk about her like that?
We don't do that.
One dude is changing the entire
culture of his locker room
because he has been imbued
with the right language of what
to say in the moments
which people are
being disrespectful to
say the simple phrase,
we don't do that.
And as the star
quarterback of this team,
and as the leader,
and as the captain,
I'm setting a
different expectation.
Because we treat--
not just women--
we treat all people
with respect and dignity
because that's who we are.
How do we inspire
that kind of shift?
And that's where
"ProtectHer" was born.
It was born out of the
urgency of coaches coming
to me being, like,
this is the most
honest and real
conversation that I've ever
seen on this topic with our
boys that isn't pointing fingers
and isn't blaming,
but is inviting them.
I was having coaches
saying, I have never
had the sexual
assault prevention
talk where dudes lined
up after the talk
to come and hug you, to
take selfies with you,
and are asking where
they can get swag.
Because they want to
wear your hats, and they
want to wear your shirts.
We just had shirts come out that
say "I play ball, not girls."
And all of the guys were
like, where can we get shirts?
Oh my god, I love it.
And coaches are
like, in what world?
This is crazy.
And so in that same
moment, coaches are saying,
this is awesome.
We love this one-hour
talk that you're giving.
But really, up until
this point, there's
never been any
preventative medicine.
We have all of this research
of survivors on the other side
of this conversation.
But how are we preventing
this before it's happening?
Not just how are we
providing resources
which, yes, are
essential to survivors,
but what are we having to do
in order to have conversations
on the front end to potentially
prevent this behavior?
And so the coaches
said, is there
any way that you could
create a program?
Can you create some kind
of education for us?
Because coming from the
entertainment world,
having worked in
entertainment for 10 years,
working at Fox
Sports and ESPN, we
feel like you could put
together interesting content
that these guys
are actually going
to listen to that
feels relatable that
feels like something
that is really
going to make a difference.
And "ProtectHer" was born.
So to wrap it up the things
that I have learned--
I want to be respectful
of y'all's schedules.
I love this quote.
"I always wondered why somebody
didn't do something about that.
And I realized I was somebody."
I can imagine that y'all
listen to a lot of talks here
at Google and that you have far
more impressive people than me
who come in and share ideas and
all the ways in which they want
to change the world.
And you're arguably one of
the most influential brands
and companies globally.
So don't get lost in
the midst of a brand
and to recognize
that you are somebody
and that every single
one of us has agency.
And every single one of
us has the opportunity
to put our feet on the
floor and to do something.
And if this isn't
your issue, and this
doesn't resonate-- amazing.
What does?
Because I think, in the
midst of looking around,
what feels like really
hopelessness in all areas,
when you look at
the news any day,
it's easy to get super depressed
and overwhelmed to be, like,
and I'm going to have
more potato chips
and get back to my Netflix.
It makes sense to anesthetize
the pain and all of it.
But the truth is
you are somebody.
And my god, we have
never needed people
as much as we need right now
to put their feet on the floor
and to say the simple question
of how can I best serve?
How can I get involved
and actually do something?
And it doesn't have to
be on a global scale.
And you don't have to
create a global movement.
But what are you doing to
contribute to this world
to make it even a little bit
better than when we found it?
The other thing I've learned
is that women need women.
Girls need girls.
We are our worst enemy.
And the truth is that, in the
midst of this conversation,
the part that, oftentimes within
the women's empowerment space
that they leave out, is that,
when I walk into a locker
room, one of the first questions
I ask is, raise your hand.
As Division I male
athletes, raise your hand
if you have a naked
selfie of a girl that's
been sent to you by someone
you've never met before.
9 out of 10 hands go up.
So it's not just that
guys are out there
taking advantage of women.
It is that we are now
doing this to ourselves.
Because we're also consuming
that 10 hours of media a day
that's hypersexualizing
us and objectifying us.
And somehow, I think
we've lost our way
into thinking that sexual
empowerment is sending
naked selfies to dudes that
we've never met before asking
if we can come over
to their dorm room
because we somehow think
that the number on their back
of their jersey is going
to give us meaning in life.
Women need women to remind
us because it's like amnesia.
Every two seconds we forget
how inherently badass we are.
And we need our sisters to
remind us that we are important
and that we matter and that
we deserve to be respected
and that we accept the love
that we think we deserve.
And we need to start thinking
that we deserve a lot better
on all fronts.
Thirdly, love and compassion
are necessities, not luxuries.
Without them, humanity
cannot survive.
We've never needed compassion
the way that we do right now.
And like I said, the
greatest revolution
that you could
ever take on right
now is having
compassion for yourself
and forgiving yourself for
whatever it was, right?
For thinking that that guy
deserved you who didn't, and
you stayed in the relationship
way longer than you should
have, for thinking that that
girlfriend was supportive
when you knew better, for all
the ways in which we disrespect
ourselves.
That, I think the true,
like I said invitation,
to be rebellious
in a culture that
is begging you to stay
on autopilot, the most
rebellious act
that you will ever
make is a deep, unapologetic
sense of self-compassion that
is so fucking radical that you
overflow with that compassion
and love for other people.
It has to start with you.
And it's so much easier,
especially as women,
to put our oxygen mask on other
people instead of ourselves.
We need men.
And we don't just
need ordinary men.
We need exceptional,
badass men who
recognize that their voices have
never been as important as they
are right now.
And that those jokes that are
told in bars, in locker rooms,
to say the simple
phrase, we don't do that.
We're better than that.
One of the best things
Billy Donovan talks about
in our documentary is that
the best relationships
are confrontational.
And we associate
confrontation with being
this violent encounter.
And really, confrontation
is just saying,
I'm just going to
hold you to the person
that I know that you're
capable of being.
So when you make inappropriate
comments on any -ism-- sexism,
right?
On any -ism-- racism--
that you simply use the phrase
that we're better than that.
We're better than that.
Because those tiny
little jokes and those
tiny little infractions turn
to much bigger infractions.
That tiny little ripple
turns into a tsunami,
and they're preventable.
So we've never needed men as
much as we need right now.
And the last thing that I'll say
is that you owe it to yourself
to be remarkable.
And I don't know what
that looks like for you.
But if that's the only thing
you walk away with tonight
is that you are
remarkable, and you
deserve to let that shine in
any capacity that you see.
But I truly think
that we're standing
at an intersection in
the world and maybe even
within our own humanity in
which we've never needed people
the way that we do right now.
So thank you so much
for the invitation.
I appreciate having me.
AUDIENCE: Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
