- In America, never leave your house.
(audience laughs)
Land of the free and land
of never leaving your house.
(audience laughs)
No item too trivial.
(audience laughs)
No quantity too small
(audience laughs)
to be hand delivered into
your home like an emperor.
(audience laughs)
Anything.
Anything in the world that comes to mind.
Any fleeting thought you have while drunk.
Anything. (retches)
(audience laughs)
I want one pen.
(audience laughs)
I want one, I don't want a
box. I want just one pen.
I want it in a box with some plastic.
Throw some napkins in there
(audience laughs)
in another box in a bigger box.
(audience laughs)
50 million boxes flying
across America at all times.
The airspace above America
is just Amazon Prime.
(microphone thuds)
(audience laughs)
Packaging just knocking into each other
like satellite debris.
More, more Prime.
Can't get enough Prime here.
(audience laughs)
You need it Prime.
We need Prime harder, faster, stronger!
(audience laughs)
Faster Prime.
Prime Now!
(audience laughs)
Prime Now.
Two hour delivery!
(audience laughs)
Prime now.
Give it to me.
Now.
(audience laughs)
When I press buy, put the item in my hand.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
Now.
In America, there should be no lag,
zero lag,
(audience laughs)
between when I press the button
and when the item is
gently placed into my hand
so I can use it.
Now.
(audience laughs)
Oh, same day delivery?
(Ronnie yells)
(audience laughs)
Un-American.
(audience laughs)
Same day?
(Ronnie retches)
(audience laughs)
Now.
(audience laughs)
Prime now.
Break into my house
(audience laughs)
and put the food I ordered in my mouth
(audience laughs)
and help me chew it.
And then push it down my
esophagus with a stick
and then pull the feces
(audience laughs)
out of my anus for me.
Now.
It's like, where do we go from here
(audience laughs)
as a civilization?
How much more convenience can we get?
How much less energy can we use
(audience laughs)
to get what we want?
Let's get Prime before.
(audience laughs)
Send it to me before I want it.
(audience laughs)
It's 2019, I have to make a decision
before you mail me what I buy?
Use artificial intelligence
(audience laughs)
to substitute my own intelligence
(audience laughs)
so I can live my life.
Send me everything I want before I want it
in as many boxes as possible.
(audience laughs)
