- If you're touching my knee,
you're touching my wiener.
(soft jazz music)
- Hi I'm Lauren Lapkus
and I really don't know
how to interview people
so I thought I would talk to the expert
of interviewing people,
Zach Galifianakis.
- Hi, thanks for having me.
- Yeah.
- Lauren.
- Thanks for having me,
I think you have me, so.
- Yes, yes.
- Yeah.
(laughs)
Well first of all you want to make your
interviewee very comfortable.
You look very nice.
- Oh thank you.
- I think you've done really
nice stuff with your bangs.
- Oh, okay.
- So you wanna compliment the guest,
I just did it,
make them feel loose,
and then you wanna start your questioning
so let's get right into it.
- Oh God.
I'll start with a few questions
that are easy,
so she feels comfortable
and is willing to give me as much
that I'm hoping for.
- It's always important to smile!
To show the good energy
and to be appreciative of the person
that came all this way to be-
(laughs)
to be interviewed.
- It just, it feels-
- And actors
and actresses are fascinating people
and they're right about everything
so this'll be cool.
- Okay it feels-
I'm just, I don't know anything, so,
but it feels very false and empty.
And that's kind of where I'm-
- You're gonna get this a lot
during your interviews is the person
complaining that your interviews,
especially in this town,
because again, actors and actresses
think they know every fucking thing.
- I don't.
- But they really,
they don't know much about
anything, and-
- Okay-
- Some of them even
have emotional problems.
- Okay.
- And then laugh
for no reason.
(fake laughs)
- That was just very jarring.
- Everybody from Entertainment
Tonight does that.
- Yeah, and what do you think the purpose
of that fake laugh is?
- It's to let the actor know that
you appreciate that
they've come all this way
to talk about themselves.
- Wow.
- And what fascinating people actors are.
Never touch
any part of the body.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- But I-
If people touch you, the interviewer,
that's fine.
- So this is good?
- I'm uncomfortable with it.
- Yeah.
- If you fuckin' do that again.
- I'll just ask-
- Tell them what you'll do.
- I'll just ask you to
stop doing that again.
- Cause there was a point on set
where I touched your knee,
and it was an accident,
my hand grazed your knee,
and you pulled out a karate move.
- That's right.
But what did I tell you?
You can't touch my knee.
You're gonna-
If you're touching my knee,
you're touching my weiner.
- I disagree, but.
- It's not an agreement thing,
I'm just saying if you're
going to touch my knee
that's where I keep the end of my wiener.
- There's no way.
- I store it-
(laughs)
I store it right by my knee.
- Okay.
- Well I'd like to thank Lauren Lapkus,
great great guest,
she's in the Between Two Ferns movie,
so am I.
It's a great flick.
(mumbles mockingly)  And
I'd like to thank Zach
for having me on this show.
(laughs)
It was a blast of a time.
- And I learned so much!
Stop!
I gotta do this.
(laughs)
It's now streaming on Netflix.
(lo-fi beats)
