-Wow, thank you guys
so much, man!
Oh, yeah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's good to be here.
I, uh --
So, check this out.
I was just in Denver
doing some shows, and I stepped
outside to smoke some weed,
and then as I'm out there,
from behind this guy goes,
"Hey, man!
You need some sweatpants?"
[ Light laughter ]
Now, he was far enough away
where that could've been
for anybody.
But just in my heart,
I knew that was for me.
[ Laughter ]
That's just the kind of people
that I attract.
[ Laughter ]
You know, I said, "What?"
because I wanted
to hear him yell it again.
He's like, "You need
some sweatpants?"
I was like, "Oh, no.
I'm good."
[ Laughter ]
He said, "Well,
how 'bout some batteries?"
"Oh, man. I can
probably use some batteries."
There's a beeping
in my house I can't find.
[ Light laughter ]
Now, this dude starts
coming towards me.
He's dragging a giant trash bag
full of stuff.
And it could all be mine!
[ Laughter ]
He's like, "You need
a pillowcase?"
I'm like, "Oh, no.
I'm good."
He said, "How 'bout
an Ouija board?"
"Well, you got all the pieces?"
[ Light laughter ]
Can't be messing around
with half a Ouija.
[ Laughter ]
Now, this dude is coming
towards me and I'm, like,
evaluating my life like,
"Okay, well, how bad do I look
that this homeless dude is
trying to help me out?"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Just trying to survive
another night on the streets.
[ Laughter ]
Then he gets right up to me
and he puts his big bag down.
And he's like, "Hey, man.
Can I get a hit of that weed?"
[ Light laughter ]
I was like, "Oh,
okay, whatever."
And then I handed him my pipe.
And then he looked me up
and down and he's like --
[ Laughter ]
Just cleaning off the palsy with
his homeless sweatshirt.
[ Laughter ]
Then he finally took a hit
and passed it back over to me.
And I was like, "Uh-uh."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
And then we did that ritual,
like, nine times.
[ Laughter ]
Just got all
buddy-buddy with the guy.
He was a good dude.
I just could not convince him
that I wasn't homeless.
[ Laughter ]
I'm like, "No, man.
I'm a comedian."
He said, "Oh, yeah, man.
We're all comedians."
[ Laughter ]
He said, "Oh, man.
You been really nice to me, man.
I just wanna give
you something."
I was like, "Well,
I hope you haven't already."
[ Laughter ]
And then, this is
where it gets weird.
[ Light laughter ]
He looks at me all serious.
He's like, "Hey, man.
Do you have some
type of brain injury?"
I was like, "Does it show?"
[ Laughter ]
And then he reaches
in his pocket,
and he hands me two pills.
And he's like, "Well,
these are for that."
[ Laughter ]
These are for that.
[ Laughter ]
These, being two
different color pills.
[ Laughter ]
That, being my brain.
[ Laughter ]
This is from the doctor that was
trying to prescribe sweatpants.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now he's telling me what
kind of medication to be taking
for my brain.
Then he gets all serious
with me.
He's like, "Hey, man.
Eat 'em now!"
I'm like, "I'm not eating
these stupid things."
Well, I didn't say that 'cause
that's how you get stabbed
in the neck.
[ Laughter ]
Gotta talk crazy back at 'em,
you know?
I said, "Look, man.
I eat 'em later!"
[ Light laughter ]
And I did.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
And I'll be damned, I could feel
that brain injury just
sloughing right off.
[ Laughter ]
And the sweatpants
fit great, too.
Thank you, guys.
You're awesome.
Thank you very much.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, my God.
Remember me, buddy?
Josh Blue!
Josh Blue!
For more, check out
JoshBlue.com.
