The holidays
are right around the corner,
and because Donald Trump
is going to be president,
Santa can't come
to America anymore
because he's a flying immigrant
with a beard.
-(laughter, applause)
-And... it's still hard.
It's still hard
to get used to the fact
that Donald Trump
will be president,
especially because he lost
by two and a half million votes.
But then,
he won the electoral college,
which is all that matters.
It's almost like
being in a relationship.
You know how in relationships
quality time matters more
than the quantity of time.
Like you'll get into fights
like, "Why are you so angry?
I hung out with you
all weekend!"
She'll be like, "Yeah,
but you spent hours sleeping."
-You're like, "It was night!"
-(laughter)
And then, all of a sudden,
it doesn't count.
And if you're like me,
you probably thought
that on election day
Americans were going to
the polls to elect a president.
But if you did vote, your vote
didn't go to Clinton or Trump
or the best third-party
candidate out there-- Harambe.
He may be dead, my friends,
but at least he knows
where Aleppo is.
When people voted, they were
actually voting for electors
who are basically a bunch
of locally-appointed
representatives
who then vote on your behalf.
Which, again,
makes no sense to me.
Do you understand
how weird that is?
That's like going to a deli,
but for some reason,
you can't order for yourself.
You are just there
at the counter like,
"Hey, uh,
can I have a sandwich?"
And then there's some guy
who's like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I got this.
Hey, can he have a sandwich?"
(laughter)
It's a bizarre twist
on an already bizarre system
because there are two ways
to pick a president.
There's giving it to the person
with the most votes,
-commonly known as democracy.
-(laughter)
And then,
there's how America does it.
We're the only democracy
in the world
that doesn't count
the popular vote.
This is the second time
in 16 years
that the person coming
into The White House
has lost the popular vote.
MAN: Under the electoral college
 system,
 a candidate
 who wins the most votes
 gets all of that state's
 electoral votes.
 A candidate can win millions
 of individual votes
 in a state like Florida
and still lose all that state's
 electoral votes
 because they lost
 the popular vote there.
Now if that sounded confusing,
that's because it (bleep) is.
(laughter)
The person
with more votes should win.
This is a weird system
because no other country
decides elections this way.
It's even weird in America,
you understand that.
You don't elect mayors like this
in America.
You don't elect governors
like this.
-You don't even elect Idols
like this. -(laughter)
The presidency is the only
office, where, for some reason,
you don't trust
the popular vote.
And by the way,
this is not about Trump.
You know the system is broken
because the person
with more votes lost
in two
of the last five elections.
That's 40%. 40%.
If a plumber told me
that every time
I flushed my toilets,
there'd be a 40% chance (bleep)
would spray back at me...
(laughter)
...I'd be like,
"Maybe I need a new toilet.”
But America is like, "I've had
this toilet for 200 years.
I'll be fine. I'll be fine."
-(imitates water whooshing)
 -"Trump! Trump!"
-(laughter)
-"Aah! Aah! That was horrible.
-All right, next election. Aah."
-(laughter)
And you know what makes
the system even worse
is that even if you didn't vote
for the candidate,
you still end up voting
for the candidate.
WOMAN: In most states,
 whoever wins the most votes
 takes all the electoral votes
 in what's called
 "winner take all."
In the vast majority of states,
you just need to win by one vote
to get all the electoral votes
in the state.
You see that?
That makes so sense.
The winner shouldn't get
the loser's votes.
Can you imagine how bad
the Olympics would be
if they gave the winner
all the medals?
That wouldn't be fun.
That's not fair.
Yeah, that's not fair.
You love Usain,
but that's not fair.
What about the Russians, huh?
What about the Russians?
They took so many drugs
to get there.
-Come on, Usain! Come on!
-(laughter)
"Winner take all" means
that in big states,
even if a second-place candidate
gets millions of votes,
the electoral college
don't give a (bleep).
So the nearly
four million people
who voted for Hillary in Texas,
or the two and a half million
who voted for Trump in New York,
they just don't count.
They're like lines of dialogue
in a Fast and Furious movie.
They're there,
but they have no real value.
-(laughter)
-But like it or hate it,
the electoral college
is here to stay.
It's even written
into the Constitution.
And, for me, whenever there's
a constitutional matter
on the show,
we turn to the original source.
♪ ♪
I don't know about you,
but whenever I'm
in a constitutional crisis,
I open up my favorite app.
It's called Founding Fathr.
(laughter)
Just hold on.
There we go.
(zapping, whooshing)
Who summons me
from ye olde store...
made of apps?
Thomas Jefferson,
this is Trevor Noah.
-I have a question. -Okay,
I know what you're going to say.
Yes, chances are
you are descended from me.
(chuckles)
But... all the money's gone,
-so...
-N-No...
No, no.
No, uh, Mr. Jefferson,
it's not about that.
It's about
the electoral college.
-Oh.
-Why does America need electors
to pick a president?
Why not just trust
the popular vote?
(laughing loudly)
"Trust the popular vote"!
What a good joke!
Now I see why this show
does so well with millennials.
You see, Trevor, in my day,
we didn't tally a popular vote
for president,
we believed that common people
were ill-informed
and couldn't be relied on to
reject the populist demagogues.
So we devised electors
to ensure that America
would never elect a dangerous,
charismatic lunatic.
-(laughter)
-Yeah. Well, actually,
I don't know
if that worked out, you see,
because the electoral college,
America's handing
the White House,
because of them,
to a racist white guy
instead of a more popular,
more qualified woman.
Sounds like
it's working perfectly.
-What's the problem?
-(laughter)
W-Well, I g... in your day,
but look, the thing is
it distorts the vote.
Voters don't get
the power they should,
and the candidates
totally ignore
everyone outside
a few swing states.
It's not a true democracy.
You need to help us fix this.
Oh, well,
I'd be happy to help...
-for another 99 cents.
-(laughter)
Are you kidding me?
You have in-app purchases?
Well, I mean, solutions
are a premium feature,
 and you get to unlock
my summer outfit.
You know what, I...
I don't want to see your outfit.
-I just want the solution...
-(electronic ding)
Okay, well, it's simple--
just amend the Constitution.
Well, actually, people
have tried and they've failed
more than 700 times
to amend the electoral college.
It doesn't work-- because
you guys made it so hard.
You need two-thirds
of the house and the senate
-and... -Three-quarters
of the states, yeah,
I know what's
in the Constitution, okay?
Look, could we have given it
a bit more thought?
Sure. But building a country
from scratch is (bleep) hard!
Have you ever tried to write
something with a feather?
I mean, people were yelling!
We were wearing wool pants!
-(laughter) -Hamilton won't
stop rapping in the corner,
so yeah!
We botched some details! Sue me!
Oh, oh, you can't,
'cause I'm a ghost.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Jefferson,
I didn't mean to upset you.
Oh, well, you know, you...
could make it up to me.
Oh, I'd be glad to.
How do I make it up?
Well, that...
that thing you did last time.
-With-with your hand. -Oh,
you mean... you mean this thing?
(chuckling):
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ha-ha-ha...
Stop! Stop it! Oh, yeah!
I'm gonna (bleep) my pantaloons!
Okay! Oh!
