Now that the Blu-Ray and book have been released,
and no one has anything to look forward to
for the rest of eternity, I think it's appropriate
to talk about some final criticisms I have
about both TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN, and by
extension, David Lynch.
David Lynch: "Bullsh*t"
So TWIN PEAKS: THE RETURN: Season 3: A Limited
Event Series.
Where do I even start?
One of David Lynch's biggest flaws is his
encouragement of having people read into his
work with their own interpretations, which
often leads to fans offering their own twisted,
ridiculous ideas which clearly weren't intended
in any capacity.
There are specifically three aspects of the
basic film-making process that are inadequate
in THE RETURN, but which all are used as examples
of the shows supposed great symbolism and
thematic brilliance, and why Lynch is one
of the greatest artists of our generation.
I will tell you 3 things.
Number 1: The Special Effects in the Show.
I understand why they're not great, I'm sure
they didn't have some massive budget.
And I'm sure Lynch likes to experiment with
certain effects to make them a bit jarring.
But there's no reason to defend the poor special
effects by attributing more bullsh*t interpretations
to them.
Chrysta Bell is walking funny because she's
a Black Lodge spirit!
Episodes are so bare in both substance and
intrigue every week that fans have to resort
to analyzing every single minute detail, and
assigning deep and significant meaning to
them, as viewers were trying to fulfill their
own desires of what they wanted the show to
be like by filling in the holes with their
own absurd ideas.
If doing this brings you enjoyment on a personal
level, I suppose it's fine, have at it, but
to pretend the show is incredibly complex
and has intricate, unique themes that are
being explored is unfounded.
Gordon Cole: "I turned and looked.
I saw myself.
I saw myself from long ago."
Number 2: The Continuity Errors in the Show.
Throughout the filming of 18 episodes with
a rigid shooting schedule, it's okay to have
some mistakes, but there's no need to pretend
Lynch is so perfect that these mistakes are...
wait for it... done intentionally to demonstrate
something deep.
The editor of the series, Duwayne Dunham,
admits that sometimes they just had to go
with a take that had a continuity error because
that's the best performance they captured
when shooting, and that's fine, though there
are some cases where it's sort of lazy, like
when they flip a shot that they used before,
or when a character has blatantly different
hand positions after each cut.
These sort of things take you out of the scene
sometimes.
Fans deserve a gold medal when it comes to
their mental gymnastics in trying to defend
the show, I'm actually quite impressed sometimes
with the stuff they come up with.
It's sort of like they're writing their own
TWIN PEAKS fan-fiction.
Number 3: The Timeline Inconsistencies.
These inconsistencies are interpreted as alternate
realities and dimensions and timelines and
whatever else is cool these days.
Most of the timeline inconsistencies can be
drawn up to the fact that Lynch and Frost
wrote it as one big disorganized wreck, and
shot it like that as well, and then they had
to try to make it work in the editing room.
In that same interview with Duwayne Dunham
from earlier, he spoke about how he and Lynch
had all these cards with characters and their
scenes and tried to piece it together.
Holy jumping man!
Looks like a bit of a mess to me.
In a Reddit AMA, Mark Frost ended up saying
that for the most part, everything in the
show appears in chronological order.
This really dampened the mood of the tin-foil
apologists.
Speaking of Mark Frost, he also said something
interesting about David Lynch many years back,
which I think is quite topical in regard to
THE RETURN.
To paraphrase, Mark Frost said that David's
strength comes from creating mood rather than
being an interesting storyteller.
The interviewer replied by saying, "He's got
a great eye for hot-looking women!"
David Lynch: "Sexual harassment is now the new topic of
the day."
Oh geez, I hope Lynch doesn't turn out like
Tom Sizemore and Robert Groper.
Mark Frost kind of shrugged that comment aside
and said that David isn't really good at working
at logic... he's a simple guy, and he doesn't
even know what's meant by some of his stuff.
Gordon Cole: "Damn!"
David Lynch has some of the most rabid fans
I've ever seen, and one might get the false
impression that there's an abundant number
of fanboys on the loose given how outspoken
the few of them really are.
I'm not some dude who hates David Lynch's
guts.
I liked or loved the majority of his films.
BLUE VELVET? That sh*t is amazing.
I mean really, with Laura Dern and MacLachlan,
would you rather have this stupid schlock,
or chicken walk
Kyle MacLachlan: "Isabella, what are you doing here?"
And I looked forward to THE RETURN, and was
very open to the idea of liking it.
I wanted this show to win all of the upcoming
Emmy's before it even aired.
I take issue with the idea that Lynch is a
god of sorts who can't be criticized in the
slightest.
His work has seemingly been on the decline
since MULHOLLAND DRIVE.
INLAND EMPIRE wasn't very well-received, then
he went into hiding for 10 years, only to
turn out some vile series which is void of
any meaningful or entertaining substance.
The unapologetic praise of Lynch as a genius
today might be one of the few real mysteries
of the show.
I don't know, I guess since the Bergman's,
Tarkovsky's, and Kurosawa's are all dead,
Lynch is sort of the living embodiment of
what I like to call the Triple-A films: Avant-garde,
Art-house, and Auteur film-making.
I guess Lynch also gets bonus points in the
public for being American.
But unfortunately, THE RETURN doesn't have
any of the merits of an avant-garde film,
but it has all of the shortcomings.
David Lynch: "Bullsh*t."
"F*ck."
A lot of fans claimed that THE RETURN will
change television, just like the original
two seasons did.
I do not see this happening in any capacity,
and if it does, I feel bad for people who
regularly watch TV.
The show was a flop on many levels, so who
wants to replicate it anyways.
There's also been a lot of intellectuals calling
THE RETURN a movie rather than a TV show.
Of course Lynch is going to consider it to
be one long movie considering how much he
hates TV, and all of his fans and pretentious
websites are going to follow suit and hail
THE RETURN as the best movie of 2017.
Oh, look at this, this is great, someone is
arguing that THE RETURN has parts and not
episodes, so it's not a TV show of course.
Albert: "Seriously?"
David Lynch of course has admitted that he
wrote and shot THE RETURN as if it was one
big movie out of order, and then pieced the
puzzle together in the editing room, but this
didn't work out too well, as it seemed they
had some Missing Pieces.
There are long periods of time where characters
are out of action, sometimes you wonder if
they'll come back, and in some cases they
do, and in others they don't
The Roadhouse in THE RETURN is one of the
stupidest things I've feasted my eyes upon
in a while.
Whenever characters went to the Roadhouse
in the original series, something was actually
happening there.
Characters were interacting, and any music
that played, such as from Julee Cruise, was
important to establishing the mood for a particular
scene.
It's a shame they treated her like trash in
Episode 17 of the new series.
In THE RETURN, there's mostly random characters
and stupid music being played.
This girl itching her armpit, this little
girl crawling, young adults talking about
some subplot that never amounted to anything.
Frankly, the best performance in the Roadhouse
in the new series is probably from my boy
James Hurley.
Why?
Because it was actually a character we knew
and could care about, even if just a little
bit.
Also this was fun trolling on Lynch's part,
though he probably genuinely enjoys the song.
But for the most part, every time it cuts
to a Raadhouse performance, it was like, "Oh
geez, it is happening again."
A lot of the attempts at having emotional
moments in the show fall completely flat,
case and point, the whole subplot with Big
Ed Hurley and Norma Jennings.
We have no scenes whatsoever between Ed and
Nadine until they decide that they are splitting
up in Episode 15.
Okay...
I didn't even know you guys were still together,
which is soon followed by Ed going to the
RR diner, doing some David Lynch approved
transcendental meditation, and then getting
back together with Norma after 25 years.
It's just sort of shoehorned in all sloppily
and seems like an afterthought, yet we're
supposed to feel some deep emotional resonance
with the characters.
People were so touched by this scene that
they apparently cried.
I don't know, I guess I was crying too, but
it wasn't out of joy that a character we just
learned split up with his partner of 25+ years
decided to pursue the woman we thought he
might have been with at the end of Season
2 over 25 years ago.
A lot of the characters have nothing going
on for them.
It's like we catch up with these characters
25+ years later: Ben Horne, Audrey Horne,
Dr. Jacoby, etc.
And we're told what happened to them, but
nothing comes as a result of it.
We learn that Ben Horne has somewhat changed
his ways, and isn't quite the womanizer he
once was.
And we learn that Dr. Jacoby is ranting in
the woods.
But... that's it.
Characters like this don't contribute anything
to the story.
It's just sort of like, "Remember this character?
Well this is what they're up to nowadays."
They're setting up these characters with new
characterization and traits, but there's never
any payoff to anything.
Not only did Lynch and Frost struggle to create
compelling characters with proper motivation,
they even failed to build upon previous characters,
and were unable to make them worthwhile to
the narrative.
Then you have the fans of the show who resort
to the classic line, "You're just upset that
this isn't your cherry-pie TWIN PEAKS anymore!"
Yeah, I suppose you're more of the Dougie
Jones pounding cherry pie mindlessly type
of guy.
And what was with the promotional material
before the show aired, where Cooper had a
tape recorder in his hands.
That's some deceiving marketing going on!
As a little side-note, imagine Chris Issak
& Kiefer Sutherland were on board with THE
RETURN.
I mean they haven't aged terribly and they
can still act.
And imagine the two of them teaming up with
Miguel Ferrer and Lynch's characters, and
if Cooper was actually Cooper and interacted
with these characters as well.
I guess if the story is terrible it doesn't
matter, but at least it would make it a little
bit interesting.
But instead we got Dougie Jones and Chrysta
Bell.
And now Ferrer is dead.
And everyone else is getting older.
So forget about this.
F*ck David Lynch
4chan 4shame!
I see that my previous two TWIN PEAKS videos
had the distinct honor of being shared on
some weirdo websites, so I’ll quickly address
some of the criticisms that my criticisms
received.
"Rand, King, and House of Leaves.
So these are the people who hate Lynch."
As mentioned earlier, I don't hate Lynch,
and I never read anything from either Rand
or King surprisingly, and never owned or even
heard about House of Leaves, so whatever point
you're trying to make, you could throw in
in the trash right next to the Blu-ray of
THE RETURN.
"This guy is insufferable."
I suppose I am.
I’m right up there with THE RETURN.
"Epic showdown with his inverse self?
People actually wanted that?!
Like could you imagine Kyle fighting himself
on screen.
That would have been pretty stupid looking."
I didn’t literally mean some anime-style
showdown where they're punching each other
repeatedly in the face.
Just some sort of interaction between the
two of them.
Something clever where Cooper manages to use
his wits to defeat Evil Coop.
Instead of, you know, Lucy shooting him.
And if you want to talk about stupid looking,
look no further than that very episode, where
a random British YouTuber is punching CGI
Bob.
Alright, any more of these stupid comments?
"Skip it, let's get to the jokes."
Special Agent Dale Cooper is the greatest
asset that Lynch and Frost had at their disposal;
one of the most iconic characters in TV history,
and they failed to use him effectively.
Sure, he's older, and maybe it wouldn't have
worked quite as well, but he did a bang-up
job in Episode 16 when he snapped out of it.
To be fair, in isolation, some of the Dougie
scenes are slightly humorous, but is this
really want fans wanted, or need out of a
TWIN PEAKS show.
Is there deep meaning in having our main hero
be reduced to a bumbling idiot for nearly
the entire series.
Whatever pseudo-themes of being born again
and experiencing the world as an innocent
could have been just as effective, or even
more effective, if it was wrapped up in a
more timely fashion.
Instead the show becomes: "When is Cooper
snapping out of it?"
What a mystery!
Is that really what you want your show to
revolve around?
"When is a second-rate character going to
be replaced with the one that we actually
prefer?"
It's a yrev, very interesting premise alright.
"How about Vegas?"
"No!"
"It's fun!."
On the topic of Dougie Jones, and the supposed
themes explored with him, wouldn't it have
been infinitely better for the show to explore
Cooper learning to live again after having
25 prime-time years of his life wasted in
some alternate dimension.
He could have been discovering and utilizing
new technology and ways of living for the
first time.
Instead, we have Dougie Jones in awe of something
basic like a tie, and he never acts of his
own accord, or actively pursues things other
than coffee.
He just kind of sits there and... runs into
things and... is guided by Black Lodge spirits.
I don't know, he doesn't do anything.
Albert: "When did he lose his marbles?"
Then we get to the finale of the show.
All of the events that unfold in the last
two episodes are arguably rock-bottom for
THE RETURN.
Our recently rejuvenated Cooper suddenly cares
about saving the suddenly-important Laura
Palmer all on his own.
Things seemed just fine the past 25 years
with Laura dead and Cooper chilling in the
Black Lodge.
Anyways, I've seen a lot of marks, including
Mark Frost, rant and rave about the sheer
hubris that Cooper is exhibiting by selflessly
trying to save Laura Palmer.
They even go as far as to try to defend the
incoherent, unimportant, and nonsensical ending
by labeling Cooper a tragic hero.
The only thing tragic is this silly show!
Typically, a tragic hero needs a moment of
recognition where they realize where they
went wrong exactly, and the audience needs
to follow along with where they went wrong
as well.
For example, when I was watching the final
scene for the first time, the first thing
that came into my mind was PLANET OF THE APES...
the original one.
Which ends with a revelation that's simple
yet highly effective.
You understand what's unfolding before your
eyes, and your're sympathetic for the character
and re-evaluate the events that occurred prior
in the work.
"Damn you all to Hell!"
In THE RETURN, I guess Cooper messed up something
during time-traveling.
Maybe Phillip Jeffries had slippery fingers
and pressed the wrong button, who knows.
I guess Judy was too powerful of an evil force,
and you are a foolish man if you think you
could time travel and change the course of
history.
Okay, so our main character is an idiot who
tries saving Laura for some reason or another.
Who knows, and neither does Cooper when it's
all said and done.
He shows no regret, remorse, or neglects to
even contemplate his actions.
The most glaring problem with the ending is
that Cooper never expressed any desire to
save Laura Palmer until Episode 17.Though
one could almost see it coming given Lynch's
sudden obsession with Sheryl Lee starting
with FIRE WALK WITH ME, and also the TMZ leaked
photos of Cooper and who many correctly guessed
to be Laura Palmer.
So viewers were sort of able to brace themselves
for something silly like this happening, like
Laura Palmer becoming a significant player
in the finale because her face is on the title
screen, and she's also like space Jesus now,
and such a pure, loving, significant figure
in the world.
The ending was really just a non-sequitur
when you think about it, with a side-order
of revisionist history and Jack Nance's body-double
taking a piss into the river.
Some of the other implications of the finale
are that Cooper is doomed in an alternate
timeline.
So what, the bast*rd was stuck in the Black
Lodge for 25 years while his doppelganger
was supposedly wreaking havoc.
He managed to escape the Lodge, only to screw
himself over again just a few days later.
Eh, if they ever make a Season 4, he'll be
Richard for 16 episodes, then manage to get
back to the proper reality only to screw himself
yet again and get stuck somewhere else.
Maybe he'll get stuck in the RR Diner bathroom.
There's yet another flaw with Cooper's plan,
as by saving Laura that one night, you're
not addressing the root of the problem.
She's still going to be living with her father
who abuses her.
Did David Lynch forget what Leland and Bob
represent?
I mean, I guess he did with that stupid orb.
Does it matter if we get a Season 4 anyways?
Clearly it's going to be more bullsh*t.
Everyone's not getting any younger in any
case, just this past year we've seen some
important TWIN PEAKS actors pass away, and
I'm sure this list will only increase during
the next four or five years, which is how
long Lynch and Frost will take to write and
direct another season, or should I say movie.
In many years, I'm sure some more fans, and
maybe even some of the cast, will look back
and say, "What could have been!"
I cannot imagine how gutted some fans who've
waited 25+ years for another TWIN PEAKS felt
after watching THE RETURN and being disappointed
with it.
It's a shame that with all the resources Lynch
was provided, from an 18 episode package with
complete control, and a list of many great
actors, he wasn't able to make something really
worthwhile.
Maybe that's the issue, maybe Lynch needs
some constraints, especially in his old age,
to make a really good product.
While having others involved in the process
of filming, writing, and editing, it may not
have been totally Lynch's vision, but Lynch's
sole, unhampered vision does not equate to
the best possible vision possible for TWIN
PEAKS: THE RETURN.
The original show is not some epic masterpiece,
but it was about the characters and the town
and the music and the simultaneous warm feelings
you felt, with the sinister undertones it
had.
Whereas THE RETURN is just a big pile of lifeless
hogwash with meaningless plots and characters,
recycled garbage, and missed opportunities.
"I'm so sorry."
"David Lynch!"
"I will see you again in 25 years."
