(gunshots)
Oh god!
I'm hit!
I need a medic!
You're gonna be ok, soldier.
We're the Medicks.
(♪♪♪)
So I'm gonna start you off with
a couple of fish oil tablets,
and some foot detox patches.
Uh ok.
What?
No, that's not right.
Now, sir, I need to
know for our records,
have you had all
your vaccinations?
I think so?
Dear god.
Okay, we're gonna
have to suck them out.
Nurse, get the HVAC!
I'm not your nurse.
Quiet nurse!
Get me a life-vest
from the ship!
It's the only way to make sure
that his life stays in his body
where it belongs!
That's not how
life vests work...
I think we're just gonna have to
agree to disagree on that one.
What?
Look I don't want to
pull rank on you,
but who are we gonna trust
with medical knowledge?
The youngest surgeon
to ever steal his diploma
from the University of
Technically Illinois
or some disagreeable Nurse
who probably got conned
into... nursing school?
First, I'm not a nurse,
I'm a feild medic, same as you.
And second, yeah,
I'm sure UTI is just honored
to have you in their
alumni program.
Let's just ask the patient
who he'd prefer worked on him.
The singing chicken might be
right Dr. Barbeque Sauce.
That's Mr. Dr.
Barbeque Sauce to you!
He needs a blood transfusion.
Right, thank you nurse,
what type are you?
I don't know...
A-?
What, no, not your blood type,
your Higgs Myers
personality type!
We need to know how your
blood would feel emotionally
to new blood being added.
That makes... sense.
He's clearly delirious,
he's losing a lot of blood.
Nurse, we're gonna have to
agree to disagree again.
This here is nothing but a
textbook case of malnurishment.
Sir, when was the last time
you've had anything to eat?
Everything's going sideways.
I think sleep be good, me.
No, no, no, listen to me, man!
You gotta stay awake
so we can help you!
That's an even
better idea, nurse!
Take his helmet off
so I can pee in his mouth!
What?
It's experimental,
I read about it online.
Urine has so many
anti-oxdants, like wow!
Trust me, legally speaking,
I'm a doctor.
No you're not.
Again, agree to disagree.
Now I'm unzipping,
are you gonna lean
his head back or what?
I'm not gonna, wait hang on.
I think the bullet only
hit his oxygen regulator.
so he needs anti anti-oxidants!
I think we just just have to
straigten out the switch and...
There
(gasp)
Oh my god!
I can breathe again!
Thank you so much.
Just doing my job, sir!
All in a day's work.
Wait a minute are you guys
wearing the enemy's uniforms?
What?
No these are ours.
Wait--
Freeze!
Oh shit...
I'm taking you both in
as prisoners of war!
Well we're gonna have to
agree to disagree
on that one there pal.
What ?
You see, while my
disgruntled nurse may have
been utterly fooled
by your deception
and believed you to be a
member of our great army,
I had my suspicions.
What does that even mean?
So tell me, private...
Do your feet feel
nice and detoxed?
I, I can't even
feel my feet at all...
That's right,
and what about your lungs,
from all the fish oil tablets
I had you choke down.
You don't got no gills.
What?
Why?
And what about your...
Wherever the hell
you get measles.
Do they feel measley?
You...
(coughing)
You took my vaccinations out
(coughing)
All according to plan.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
there is no way
you had that plan,
that was 100% malpractice.
Well nurse, on that one I think
we're just gonna have to agree--
I will murder you.
