I think those of us who are really caring,
especially caring professionals, but I think
all of us who are compassionate, we're the
worst people to know how to psychologically
and spiritually feed ourselves.
I think it's almost like we eat whatever comes
along.
I think that what I call that famous philosopher
who died several years back, Erma Bombeck,
the humorist.
She said that she thought that any many that
watched 3 football games in a row should be
declared legally dead.
The reality is that we feed ourselves with
T.V, we feed ourselves with inane things,
rather than really seriously, looking at what
elements nourish us.
I learn this from a long-time friend, I hadn't
seen him in years.
We were both born and raised in New York City
and I went one way and he went another, you
know how it is, and he called me up (I was
still in my thirties at the time when he called).
He said, "Bob, how are you doing?
What's up?"
And I said, "Oh, I'm doing great, I'm involved
in working with physicians and nurses and
other helpers on taking care of themselves.
And now also trying to take those same principles
and help people in general.
I'm way in over my head but I love it!"
And I'm blabbing on because I love what I
do and then I said, "How are you doing?"
He said, "Well, I'm dying."
I said, "You're dying?
We're only in our thirties.
What do you mean you're dying?"
He said, "I have Astrocytoma, I have a rare
form of brain cancer.
My mother thinks I'm going to get a miracle,
but Bob, when you're dying, you know you're
dying and I'm dying."
He then asked me a question that haunts me
til today.
He said, "Bob, what good things are you doing
in your life?"
And I went through this list of accomplishments
and he said, "No, no.
Not that."
I said, "What Fred?"
He said, "Tell me about the quiet walks you
take by yourself each day.
Now, that may not seem like much, but depression
and activity don't like to live together.
And we feel a grayness at the end of the day
because of poor oxygen exchange in buildings
like this.
A short walk can make all the difference."
He said, "What good movies have you seen that
have woken you up or books that you've read
or museums that you belong to that you've
visited so that you could realize the world
is bigger than yourself."
He said, "Who is in your circle of friends?"
And I think we did four people in our circle
of friends; the prophet, that says what voices
are guiding you?
The cheerleader, that is sympathetic and encouraging.
The harasser or teaser because on the way
to taking compassion seriously, sometimes
we need to take a detour and not take ourselves
to seriously.
And finally, the inspirational friend who
calls us to be all that we can be without
embarrassing us that we are where we are.
A self-care protocol is the right stimulation,
the right support, the right things that have
us laugh at things and unless we put those
pieces together in a self-care protocol intentionally,
our self-care will disappear and so will the
resilience for our compassion.
