- WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY.
NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.
COUSIN DELROY'S
GETTING MARRIED...
all: MM-HMM.
- TO A MAN.
WHICH IS CRAZY.
- MM-HMM.
- AND WE'RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH,
WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP
WITH THE PARTICULARS
OF A GAY WEDDING.
WHAT I'VE DONE
IS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE
TO GET MY FRIEND GARY IN HERE,
WHO'S--I MEAN,
HE'S NOT REALLY MY FRIEND.
HE'S A COWORKER OF MINE
WHO HAPPENS
TO BE A ACTIVE MEMBER
OF THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY,
AND HE'S GONNA GIVE US
SOME ADVICE ON,
YOU KNOW, WHA--WHAT TO DO.
SO, GARY, WHA--WHAT CAN--
WHAT CAN WE EXPECT?
- ALL RIGHT.
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, GUYS,
THANKS SO MUCH
FOR HAVING ME HERE,
AND I THINK IT'S REALLY AMAZING
WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING
FOR YOUR COUSIN DELROY.
REALLY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY,
BASICALLY, THAT A GAY WEDDING
IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING.
YES? YES, SIR.
- SO THEN DO THE MEN
WEAR DRESSES AND THEN
THE WOMEN WOULD WEAR SUITS?
- NO.
NO, NO, NO.
YOU WOULD JUST WHERE
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR
AT A--AT A STRAIGHT WEDDING.
- NOW, NONE OF US ARE GAY,
SO I ASSUME
THAT WE WOULD ALL SIT
THEN IN THE STRAIGHT SECTION.
- THE STRAIGHT SECTION?
- YEAH.
- OH, THE STRAIGHT SECTION.
HE MEANS AS OPPOSED
TO THE GAY SECTION.
- NO, NO, THERE'S--THERE'S--
THERE'S NO SECTIONS, GUYS.
- BUT THE GAY PEOPLE...
- NO, NO, NO.
WHAT--YOU WOULD JUST SIT--
- AND THEN THE STRAIGHT?
- NO, LARRY, LARRY, LISTEN TO ME
JUST FOR A SECOND.
- BUT THEN THE AISLE.
- YOU WOULD JUST--
YOU WOULD JUST SIT
ON THE SIDE OF THE PERSON
THAT WERE FRIENDS WITH
OR THAT YOUR FAMILY'S MEMBERS,
JUST LIKE IN A STRAIGHT WEDDING.
- SO WE JUST GUESS WHO'S GAY.
- OR NOT.
YOU COULD JUST--YEAH.
- WE'LL GUESS WHO'S GAY.
- OKAY.
GUESS WHO--
- WHEN IN THE CEREMONY
DO WE SINGOVER THE RAINBOW?
- WELL, YOU DON'T.
YOU DON'T.
THIS IS A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY,
SO YOU--
YOU WOULDN'T BE SINGING THAT
DURING THE SERVICE.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
- YOU DONE WITH THE QUESTIONS?
- NO, I'M JUST ASKING.
- I'M NERVOUS 'CAUSE
I CAN ONLY DO JAZZ HANDS
FOR ABOUT THREE MINUTES 'FORE
MY HANDS START TO CRAMP.
- OH, SIR, I DON'T THINK
ANYONE'S GONNA EXPECT YOU--
I DON'T THINK ANY--
I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S GONNA
EXPECT YOU TO HAVE
TO DO JAZZ HANDS.
- NOW CAN WE SEE THE PONY SHOW
FROM THE STRAIGHT SECTION?
OR ARE WE WAY
IN THE BACK SOMEWHERE?
- MA'AM, AGAIN,
THERE'S NO STRAIGHT SECTION.
WHAT IS A PONY SHOW?
- YOU KNOW,
WHEN Y'ALL GO LIKE THIS.
- NO, THERE WON'T BE--
THERE WON'T BE ANY OF THIS
DURING THE CEREMONY.
- OH. OH.
- WHEN DO WE SINGYMCA?
- OH.
- SIR, NOT DURING THE CEREMONY.
- OKAY.
- WHAT ABOUTMACHO, MACHOMAN?
- NO.
- I DON'T KNOW
WHERE TO BUY NO GAY PRESENTS.
- WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT A GAY PRESENT IS.
USUALLY, WHAT COUPLES
DO IS THEY JUST--
THEY JUST REGISTER AT A STORE...
- HUH.
- LIKE A STRAIGHT COUPLE WOULD.
- THE GAY STORE, OR--
- JUST A REGULAR STORE.
- WHERE DO YOU GET THE EUROS
TO BUY GAY GIFTS?
- ARE YOU SAYING EUROS?
YOU WOULDN'T--
YOU WOULDN'T USE EUROS.
- NO, IT'S--IT'S--
IT'S A GOOD QUESTION, FINNEY.
WE--WE SHOULD MAKE
SOME EYE CONTACT
SO WE MAKE SURE THAT
THE COMMUNICATION'S HAPPENING.
- YEAH.
- I THINK HE WANTS TO KNOW
IS IT, LIKE, A--YOU KNOW,
A DIFFERENT CURRENCY?
OR IS IT MORE LIKE CAMEL CASH?
- NOPE, JUST GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED
U.S. DOLLARS, YEP.
- DO WE HAVE TO PARTICIPATE
IN THE ANAL SEX?
- OH!
- OR CAN WE JUST WATCH
AND CHEER IN A FIREMEN'S HAT?
- NO, THERE'S NO ANAL SEX
AND NO FIREMAN'S HAT.
- OH, OKAY.
- IT'S CUNNILINGUS.
- IS THAT A QUESTION, SIR?
- WHEN DO WE GET TO SING
 IT'S RAINING MEN,
 HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAININGMEN?
- YOU DON'T.
- SO THERE'S NO GAY HYMNS
IN THE CEREMONY?
- SIR, THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS A GAY HYMN.
- WHAT?
- WELL, DOES THE FAKE PRIEST
LOOK LIKE A REAL PRIEST
OR LIKE A NUN?
- IT'S GONNA BE A REAL PRIEST.
- OR...
- NO, THERE'S NO "OR."
- IS IT A SEXY BOAT CAPTAIN,
THEN HE TAKES HIS CLOTHES OFF?
all: OHH.
- WHAT? NO. NO.
- DO WE THROW SOMETHING
OTHER THAN RICE?
- LIKE WHAT, SIR?
WHAT WOULD YOU THROW
OTHER THAN RICE?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
COUSCOUS.
SKITTLES.
- GUYS, A GAY WEDDING IS JUST
LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING, OKAY?
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
- WELL, WHEN THEY KISS, IS IT
OKAY TO STAND UP AND SAY, "EW"?
- NO, IT'S NOT BECAUSE IT WOULD
BE--THAT WOULD BE HOMOPHOBIC.
- THIS FROM THE MAN
WHO WON'T ALLOW GAY HYMNS
AT THE GAY WEDDING.
- OKAY, BUT LIKE
A INVOLUNTARY GASP.
- I WOULD JUST, I GUESS,
TRY TO CURB THAT BEHAVIOR.
- OKAY.
I'LL--I'LL LOOK AWAY THEN.
- OH, MY GOD.
- NOW, IS RUPAUL GONNA BE THERE?
- NO, I DON'T THINK
DELROY KNOWS RUPAUL.
- UH, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS?
- NO.
- OOH, DOOGIE.
- WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT
YOUR PICTURE ON THE INTERNET?
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
- EXCUSE ME, GARY.
"RIDICULOUS."
IS THAT A GAY TERM?
- OKAY, YEP.
I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.
- OH, HE'S A LITTLE TESTY,
ISN'T HE?
- NAH, HE CAN GO.
- GOOD LUCK.
- WE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT
HOW IT GO.
- LET'S GO, STEFAN.
- I THINK WE PRETTY MUCH GOT IT.
