Bob: All right, let's do it.
Jack: Lerooooooy Jenkins!
Wade: We're gonna play the new Twilight map that I don't know that much about.
Mark: Okay.
Bob: Fucking hate vampires...
Jack: Do you wanna do an intro? I'mma do an intro.
Jack: TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YOU LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME TO GOLF WITH FRIENDS WITH MARK BOB AND WADE
Wade: (laughing) What??
Bob: Jesus Christ...
Mark: Wow.
Jack: There we go!
Wade: I thought you said "I'm gonna screw my balls with Mark, Jack and Wade"
Jack: Welcome to Golf with Friends! 
Bob: Wait, do we all have to try to match Jack's intro now?
Mark: Yeah
Jack: That's literally where my intro is going. Every time...
Bob and Wade: Alright.
Jack: that's where it's gonna end up.
Bob: Alright, who's up- who's up next? 
Wade: Here's my intro.
Wade: Hey guys, what Jack said!
Jack: BOOO get off the stage!
 Bob: You suck, I'm gonna try to match Jack's. Are you ready?
Jack: Here we go. Here we go.
Wade: You're gonna be the loudest one, I can imagine.
Jack: Bring it, bring it.
Bob: *loud inhale*
Bob:(Really Fast) HEY THIS IS MUTHSUYAW AND WELCOME TO GOLF WITH FRIENDS  WITH MARK JACK AND WADE!!!!!!!
Jack: WOAH! Nice! Nice, dude! 
Wade: Okay, I'll try it, I will try it.
Bob: I broke my voice.
Jack: Here we go.
Wade: Three,
Wade: ALSDKFHL SAJDCKA DSAHF
Jack: *tsk* That wasn't even words.
Mark: Yeah. That was...that was...
Jack: Plus, you didn't even count down from three! You just said "three" and then started talking!
[Bob laughs]
Wade: I counted...quietly. All right...
Bob: Start the fucking game! Mark, you wanna do an intro, or...?
Mark: Yeah, I'll...[indistinct mumbling]
Mark [calmly and slowly]: Hello...
[Wade and Bob snicker]
Mark [quietly]: My name is --
Jack: NAILED it! Let's go! [laughs]
Mark [quietly]: Markiplier...
Mark: Welcome to...Golf With Friends.
[Bob laughing]
Mark: Wha-psssh...
Jack: Just...
Mark: I don't know how to play!
Wade: Well...
Jack: Hold-click, aim; pull back, push.
Bob: It's not...it's not loading for me yet...
Jack: Yeah, it's s-
Wade: I'm still loading in, too.
Jack: Stuff is swaying...
Mark: Wade...
Jack: Oh...oh God, look at our balls!
Jack: There we go!
Wade: If you press, like, "L", I think, you like, glow or some -- I THINK it's "L"...
Wade: ...There's one of--
Mark: Why are we CUBES?
Wade: Because it's random ball shapes per hole.
Bob: Yeah, so, we have different...Random ball shapes is the thing now.
Mark [laughing]: Oh God, oh...
Jack: Oh God...Oh God.
Jack: POOSHK! Yeah!
Bob: See yah! Oh shit...
Jack: FUCK yeah!
Jack: This is good! Imma be good at this! Imma be awesome at this. Watch!
Mark: How do I...what?
Mark: How do I get more power?
Wade: You click and you drag.
Mark: Ohhhh....
Jack: Click and drag forward.
Mark: BOOSHK! Woah! Aw, fuck...
Jack: Ah, Jesus Christ!
[Bob and Wade laugh]
Jack: Aw, come on!
Wade: Good job, Mark.
Jack: Yeah! I did it! [claps] Woo!
Jack: Golf With Friends, everybody.
Mark: Aw, FUCK!
[Wade laughs]
Mark: AW, FUCK!
Bob: Softer, Mark. *Softer.*
[everyone but Mark laughs]
Jack: Suck LESS, Mark!
[Mark makes fake crying sounds]
Bob: Uh...It's okay. You're tied with Jack.
Wade: This gon' be good...
Mark: Oh, fuck this shit...
Wade: Oh God, we're CONES?
Jack: Oh Jesus! Come on!
Mark: Oh God...
[Distorted Moaning]
Jack: Is this -- OH...oh! I almost HAD eet!
Bob: Did anyone SEE that shit?
Mark: Oh, it's *underneath* it!
Wade: What happened?
Mark: It's *underneath* it!
Bob: I did it -- Oh, it's underneath it...well...
Jack: Fuck! I forgot that we were able to jump...
Bob: Everyone can eat shit!
Wade: Oh God...
Bob: Oh, Mark...[laughs]
Mark: THERE we go! I got it! I'm in! [fake sobbing]
Wade: Am I in?
Jack: REALLY?
Bob: No, you're NOT in, Wade...
Mark [laughing]: You're not in, Wade...
Jack: The hole was UNDERNEATH it? That SUCKS!
Mark: How did I take 7 strokes? I was the first one in!
Jack: Heh-heh-heh.
Mark: Oh FUCK YOUU -- [faint scream]
Wade: Oh we're pucks!
Jack: Oh -- WHAT?
Bob: Oh, this is a really good one for pucks...
Wade: WHEEEEEE...
Bob: Yeehaw! Whoa-oh! Shit!
Mark: How do I --
Jack: Oh, come on, you sons of dicks!
[Wade screams]
Bob: Oh, here I am! Made it.
Mark: Woah woah woah woah woah...
Mark: Okay...
Jack: This sucks! WHAT?
[Bob laughs]
Mark: Oh...wha...woah.
Bob: You okay, Jack?
Jack: My guy doesn't go up the ramp, he bounces off the edge of it.
Bob: I think you might have to *jump* to go
up the ramp, Jack. [laughs]
Mark: Yeah, you gotta jump.
Mark: Jump...click to jump...
Bob: You gotta jump into it, Jack.
Jack: THERE we go.
Jack: There we go, there we go.
Bob: Woah, shit!
Wade: Woo, nice jump-jump!
Bob: Jack's got...Jack's got wicked tricks.
Jack: Fuck...
Wade: He's only got 2 strokes, though...he's gotta...
Jack: AAH!
Wade: You gotta make it this shot, Jack.
Mark: Nice!
Jack: FUCK! Suck my dick!
Wade: Aww...
[Bob and Mark laugh]
Jack: [roars angrily]
Jack: Wait, wait...wait for it! Wait for it! Wait...
[horn makes anticlimactic honk]
Wade [laughing]: What was THAT?
Mark: The fuck was THAT?
Jack: There!
Bob: You feeling okay?
Mark: Aw, I almost made a hole in one, guys!
Wade: I saw that, that was good.
Bob: Whee!
Jack: Are we *eggs?*
Jack: Fuck.
Wade: Oh God...
Bob: Yeah, we're all like, eggs.
Mark: There we go. Bogey!
Jack: What??
Jack: [grunts] Come on, come on, come on...you fuck--
Jack: You fuckin' asshole!
Wade: Yeee!
Jack: Ooooh mama! Wooo!
[Mark laughs]
Wade: Well, there you go Jack! Just don't screw up now.
Jack: YEAH, double bogey! Suck it, Salty Buckets!
[Wade laughs somewhat like Mark]
[Jack does an imitation of Mark's laugh]
Mark: Guys, guys...
[Bob does an imitation of Mark's laugh]
Mark: Hey! Don't...don't be me. You can't be me!
Mark: EH!
Wade: Oh, we're *cylinders!*
Bob: What are we? Oh, we're cylinders? Oh geez...
Jack: We're fuckin' marshmallows.
Mark: Oh geez...oh geez...
Bob: No-no-no-no...
Jack: Don't...don't push me in, you hairy!
Bob: Oh Jack...You saved my fucking life, Jack.
[Wade screams]
Jack: OHHH-HO-HOhhhh fuck...
Mark [laughing]: Thank you...
Bob: Yes!
Wade: Stoooop...
Jack: God!
Wade: I can't stop rolling!
Jack: I'm sick of...YES! WOO!
Wade: Oh...nooo...
[Bob laughs]
Mark: I can't...I'm not [unclear]
Jack: Jump, Wade, jump! Jump.
[Wade screams]
Wade: Nooooo...
[Jack and Bob laugh]
Mark: [screams] I got in!
Jack: This game is FUN again!
Wade: Pleeeease!
Jack: In the hole! Yaaaay!
Bob: Oh no, Wade...Oh Wade...
Wade: Noooo...
[Mark laughs]
Jack: I LOVE this game!
[Bob and Mark laugh]
Jack: In the hole!
Wade: YAY!
Mark: Yeah!
Jack: WHAT!?
Mark: Niiiice!
Bob: That was fucking wizardry! What the hell?
Mark: Wooow...
Wade: I don't...everything went so wrong...
Jack: How the...Okay, fuck you guys...
Jack: LEROOOY JENKINNNS! [laughs]
Jack: [grunts] FUCK IT!
Mark: Can I stop rolling for 2 goddamn seconds?
Jack: SON OF A BITCH!
Bob: Mark, what are you doing...[laughs]
Mark: I got it, I got it, I got it...
Jack: FUCK!
Mark: Ah, fuck me! Come ON!
[Bob and Wade laugh]
Jack: Yaay! [laughs]
Mark: Wahhh...WOO!
Wade: *There* you go.
Bob: If anyone...
Jack: Forty-...
Bob: If anyone's looking for source material to make the Jacksepticeye Curse...
Jack: WOO!
Wade: Woo!
Bob: Uh, Board -- Soundboard -- I think this is the one.
Wade: Oh God, we're isospheres...NOOO!
[Bob laughs]
Jack: Where's the hole? Oh, there it is.
Mark: Shit.
Bob: Pew! Aw, shit...
Wade: That's what HE...shouldn't have to say...
[Mark yells]
Jack: Yeah! Ride it in!
Bob: Oh yes!
Jack: Holy shit, Bob!
Mark: We're ALL winners!
Wade: Yes! Get rekt, everybody!
Jack: Except *me!* [laughs]
Wade: I...I tied with you.
Jack: Oh Jesus...
Mark: What the hell...
Jack: Okay...massive tactics! Watch this!
Wade: Oh, this is the...
Jack: HOO!
[Wade makes car noises]
Mark: Boink!
Jack: Yeah, fuck yeah!
[Mark cheers]
Bob: Woo!
Jack: How do we get up there? [laughs]
Bob: Aw shit...How the fuck are we supposed to get up there?
[Mark makes desperate noises]
Jack: Oh! Oh!
Bob: Oh no! Oh no!
Wade: Woo-hoo! Birdie!
Jack: Oh! Oh yeah, birdie!
Mark: AW, COME ON!
Bob: Bye, everyone...
[Jack laughs]
Wade: Bye, Bob!
Mark [laughing]: There you go!
Wade: Bye, Bob!
Jack: Yes!
Jack: This is this is where I take back my lead!
[Mark laughs]
Jack: Which I never had...
[Bob grunts]
Wade: Oh no! No!
[Mark yells]
Jack [disappointed] Oh...
Bob: I *did* it! Get rekt!
Jack: Okay. I gained a shot. I gained a shot on Mark that round.
Bob: Oh God...
Mark: That was good.
Mark: Good show, good show.
Bob: Aw, fuck, THIS fucking one...
Jack: WOO! Oh shit!
Wade: Woah!
Mark: I'm going up -- Whoah!
Wade: Bye, Bob -- Mark!
Mark: Fuck ME! Goddamnit...
Jack: Are we just regular balls this time?
Wade: Yeah! [screams]
Jack: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Bob: Hey, I did it!
Mark: Ohhh shit! Right -- I almost got that!
Mark: Gonna be a little less than full power...
Jack: Holy shit! 
Bob: Yes...
Jack: Wade, that was a good shot.
Bob: All right, Mark...
Mark: Wooooah shit...
Bob: Oh my God...
[Jack laughs]
Wade: Yeah, that's what I did. I did
like, 2 bars or 2 and a half or something...
Bob: You're almost...you were almost a wizard Mark.
Mark: This is gonna be sooo sick...
Jack: Woo!
Wade: THAT'S not the -- what the heck? [laughs]
[Bob and Jack laugh]
Mark [nearly screaming]: Oh FUCK! Fuckin' criminy!
[everyone but Mark laughs]
Mark: THERE we go!
Jack: What the FUCK?
Mark: Ah, fuck!
Wade: What is HAPPENING?
Jack: Jesus -- woooah...woah, woah!
Mark [shrieking]: FUCK!
[Bob and Wade laugh]
Wade: All you had to do was make it on this --
Mark [screaming]: FUUUCK!
[Bob laughs]
Jack: What is going on?
Jack: Yaaaaaay!
Mark: Aww, goddamnit!
Bob: Hey, Jack's not in last!
Mark: How did you guys DO that one? That was IMPOSSIBLE!
[Wade laughs]
Jack: 'Cause we didn't TRY that!
Mark: You-...f-...f-...fuck me...
Bob: Bye, Mark!
[Wade laughs]
Mark [spluttering]: Shut up! I'm still rolling...
[Bob and Wade laugh]
Jack: How do we do this?
Mark: Such bullshit...
Jack: [grunts] Fuck's sake! This is impossible with these!
Mark: Oh, this is terrible...
Mark: This is terrible!
Mark: Wade, you suck!
Bob: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Wade: What did *I* do?
Jack: Aw, come on! It went backwards!
Mark: You picked random shapes! It's your fault!
Jack: Jesus Christ almighty!
Mark: How do you guys still have strokes?
Bob: Hyuh -- Oop! Yes!
Jack: Cause *you* went out of bounds.
Mark: Noo!
[random unintelligible noises from Bob and  Wade]
Jack: I'm out of strokes.
Bob: No! That was my last one, but I made -- just get over there!
[Wade makes desperate squeaking noises]
Bob: Wade, just give it up.
Jack: Wade, just throw in your hat, man.
Bob: Just die...
Wade: Nooo! Why NOW!?
[Bob and Jack laugh]
Wade: Noooo...
[Mark groans]
Jack: Just wanna say, fuck this
game, but also I LOVE it.
Bob: Well, you know what? We're all even.
Mark: Yeah. Fuck this game.
Bob: What the hell?
Jack: Oh, do we have to pick a hole?
Mark: Oh geez.
Jack: Oh crap...
Wade: Yeah, there's apparently like a random spot. You can jump off the the side on this one I think.
Jack: 'Kay, I got this.
Bob: Fuck.
Jack: Go in, you fucking cone! Why are we *cones?*
Jack: It's not even ice cream cones!
Bob: Yeah, I hate the cones the most.
Jack: Yes! Double bogey!
Bob: Heya!
Jack: See ya, Bob! [laughs]
Wade: Bye, Bob.
Bob: Why did you bounce like that, you
motherfucker?
Jack: "You salty bitch!"
[Wade laughs]
Jack: Oh!
Bob: There we go.
Mark: Nice!
Jack: Nice on.
Wade: Welcome to the party, Bob!
Bob: Pew...Oh!
Bob: Slam-fucking-dunked!
Jack: Wooo!
Jack: You guys need to lose some serious shots.
I don't like this.
Mark: I don't think we can.
Bob: What are we? Oh, I see.
Wade: [makes a car noise] OH!
Wade: That WORKED! That worked great!
Mark: No...NO! What the fuck, this is bullshit!
Jack: It's like a fucking Pachinko machine!
Wade: I just jumped over everything!
Mark: Shut up, Wade! No one cares.
Wade: It worked so good...
Jack: Ah shit...
Bob: Egg...Egg...[shallow panting]
Jack: Why am I over here now? This sucks.
Bob: Hey, everybody.
Mark: Wooo!
Jack: Yaaay!
Bob: There you go, Jack. You did it!
Mark: Yaay.
Bob: You DID it, Jack!
Jack: Woo!
Jack: WOOO!
Mark: WOOO!
Bob: WOOO!
Wade [makes car noises] Oh God!
Jack: Holy shit, Mark!
Bob: Oh fuckin' shit...
Mark: Thank you. I know.
Jack: "I know. I are the best." Okay...
Mark: Are we actual balls? 
Bob: Hey, Mark!
Wade: Noooo!
Jack: Go in!
Mark: Aw, fuck off with me!
Jack: Bob, get the fuck out of my way.
Mark: OH FUCK OFF! I HAD [incomprehensible]! SO GOOD!
Jack: COME ON! Look at this bullshit!
[Mark groans]
Jack: I'm not even doing it. I'm not doing it.
I'm not going in.
[Bob laughs]
Jack. Fine.
Mark: Ugh...
Jack: Oh, suck...s-...
Bob: You can do it, Jack. Don't...don't be a wee baby.
Mark: We're finally balls, overcompensating for being a stupid shape!
[Wade and Bob laugh]
Jack: Yeah, we should have
played regular golf first.
Wade: I *asked* you!
Jack: Oh, I fuckin' NAILED that!
Mark: You said we were GONNA!
Jack: Okay...okay...
[Wade grunts]
Jack: Go IN! Fuck...
Mark: Oh, come on!
Bob: Wooo! Hey, bitches!
[Wade grunts]
Bob: Hey, bitche-...aw.
Jack: Jesus Christ, I hate cones! I hate
CONES!
Bob: Eghk! Oh...Eghk! Fuckin'...
Jack: Hup -- Fuck my...
Jack: Yes! Jesus Christ!
Bob: Hey, Wade -- [drowned out]
Wade: Nooo!
[Bob laughs]
Mark: There we go! Thank you, Wade!
Wade [sadly]: Oh...
Jack: Fuck ME!
Bob: Thanks for hitting me in, Wade. I appreciate that.
[Mark groans]
Wade: You're...you're welcome, Bob.
Bob: Oh, that caught me up to you, too!
Wade: NOOOO!
Jack: Wait where's the hole?
Mark: The fuck? Where's the goddamn hole in this?
Jack: Oh, I'm-
Wade: I think one of these holes is a good hole, but most of them are bad holes.
Bob: Where's Mark?
Mark: Oh fuck this goddamn egg bullshit!
Mark [shrieking] OH FUCK AGH!
Bob: Oh, I see Mark. I see Mark. Okay. I gotcha.
[Jack laughs]
[Mark groans]
Wade: Wait, where...
Mark: God! Fuck that shit!
Wade: I don't know where...Oh God. Way over THERE?
Mark: Such terribleness...
Mark: Such HORRIBLENESS.
[Jack grunts]
[Jack snarls angrily]
Bob: Woo!
Wade: Oh no...
Jack: FUCK!
Bob: All right. All right, here we come, baby.
Bob: You guys ready for the comeback?
Jack: Oh my God...
Mark: I see this, Jack it's bullshit.
Mark: Eggs are bullshit. Eggs are such bullshit.
Bob: Ah shit.
Jack: Christ almighty!
Wade: Woo-hooo!
Bob: Hey bitches!
Bob: OH!! [laughs]
Jack: What?!
Wade: Oh my God, Bob!
Jack: Now I'M behind! God-fuckin'-dammit.
Mark [impressed]: Daaaayum!
Wade: Bob!
Mark: All right...
Wade: Okay, this one, you want to go over the roof...
Jack: Is that the hole way all the way over there on the right?
Wade: Over the roof to the right a little bit.
Mark: Oh goddammit.
Bob: Pew!
[Jack grunts]
Bob: What? No!
Jack: I can't even get *up* the fuckin' roof!
Bob: It's further to the right than that!
Mark: Fuck...
Wade: Ehhhh! I can't get over the humps!
Jack: Shit. [laughs]
Wade [laughing]: Bye, Jack!
Mark: The fuck? This is bullshit.
Bob: Peww!
Jack: Go in the hole! Go in the hole!
Oh, you hairy bitch...
Bob: Yesss! Jack: Excuse...excuse my vernacular.
Bob: Hey, everybody! You found the hole that I found. I was there first. You got my sloppy seconds.
Jack: Oh, shut up Bob. Suck SEVEN dicks.
Mark: Ah, whatever.
Jack: Not EIGHT. Eight's too much. Sorry.
Mark: Yeah, fuck you, Bob.
Bob: SEVEN dicks?
Bob: Wade...Uh...
Jack: Wade, go in.
Bob: You're not in the hole, Wade.
Mark: Wade...Wade...
Wade: Oh...
[Jack and Wade laugh]
Bob: Is it in yet?
Wade: Sorry.
[Jack laughs]
Jack: Okay. Where are we going?
Bob: Oh, where the fuck now...
Mark: Where...?
Jack: We have to get across the fuckin' pontoon?
Wade: Oh...
Wade: We have to actually go into the water, I think.
Bob: Oh shit...
Mark: Whaat?
Jack: No, we just gotta do this!
Wade: No, you go -- you go into the water...
Bob: Wooo!
Jack: Oh my God, I almost got across all of it!
Bob: Oh fuck! You don't want to *jump* in the water! That's an important thing to know!
Jack: No...
Wade: No, *I* did.
Jack: No, we go this way.
Wade: I jumped in the water and just 
bounced over the bridge.
Jack: You're supposed to go in the water. Why is it cones?
Wade: [makes car noises] Oh...
Jack: Oh, get up! Get up!
Bob: Oh, I see...I see.
Mark: Fucking cones...Fucking cones!
Bob: I'm coming, everybody. Don't worry, Bob's comin'.
Wade: All right. 
Bob: I'm hippity-hoppin' my way...
Jack: Wade, get out of my fuckin' way.
[Mark laughs]
[Jack snarls angrily]
Bob: Wooo!
[Mark laughs]
Bob: Oh baby!
Jack: BOB, you fuckin' --
Wade: BYE, JACK!
[everyone but Jack laughs]
Jack: I will MURDER you.
Mark: Wade, you are such a prick and I *love* it!
Jack: I w-...I hope...I hope that you just burst into flames while taking horri-...horrendous shits...
Jack: You fuckin' Whore of Babylon!
Mark: "The Whore of Babylon?" My GOD...
Bob: Oh my God... 
Wade: Oh, you gotta bounce off like, one of the wooden pillars here or something...
Wade: You gotta go in, to the right. There's like a hole under the waterfall with carts and stuff...
Mark: Got it!
Bob: Pew!
Mark: Fuck...
Jack: Oh, I nailed it! Sweet!
Bob: Oh shit...I fucked it up.
[Wade makes a car noise, then screams]
Mark: Boink!
[Jack grunts]
Jack: Oh my God...Go i-...Go in this shot! Please!
Bob: Oh, come on, egg!
Bob:  Egg, come on! Come on...Yes!
Mark: Wooah...
Jack: OH, YOU FFFFFUCK...
Mark: Fuck me, goddamn it...
Bob: Hey Jack! How's it going, buddy?
Jack: YES! Yes! Yes!
Bob: Wooo!
Jack: Oh, I almost had a fuckin' par!
Mark: Woah, what the fuck?
[Wade makes a car noise, then screams]
Bob: Oh my God! Mark, you almost got on the mine cart!
[Bob laughs]
Mark: I KNOW.
Bob [laughing]: Wade...
Mark: Aw, fuck ME!
Bob [laughing]: How are you...how are you THERE?
Wade: Stop touching me! Stop touching me!
STOP TOUCHING MEEE!
Wade [screaming]: I CAN'T CLICK! STOP!
Wade [screaming]: THE MINE CART!
Jack: You're going to have to do it quick, Wade.
Mark: OH NOO!
Jack: Ah, hey Mark. [laughs]
Mark: Goddammit...
Jack: Yesss...
Mark: This is bullshit!
Wade: Bob wins by like 15 strokes!?
Mark: Bullshit [voice half cuts out] stupid eggs!
Bob [laughing]: 15 strokes...
Jack: Okay, I *think* we need to do normal golf.
Mark[screaming]: This is BULLSHIIIT!
Jack: For the sake of our friendship, we
need normal golf.
[Mark sighs]
Jack: Okay. Here we go. What is going on with our weird...balls?
Mark: It's fine.
Bob: It's...it's perfectly fine...
Jack: This is what happens when we all stick our balls together.
Wade: That must be just a "you" problem.
Bob: That's how it's supposed to be. That's how it's supposed to be, it's fine.
Jack: Dude, get your balls out of my balls.
Wade: Press "L". Your balls will glow.
Mark: All right.
Jack: I don't *need* my balls to glow. I just need to *win.*
Mark: Oh, okay.
Jack: Oh, what a shot!
Mark: Oooh...
Wade: WHAT?
Jack: I'm goin' in! Par! Par, baby!
Bob: We can JUMP, mother fuckers.
Mark: Aw, come on, Bob! Right as I shoot, you bump me!?
[Bob laughs]
[Jack laughs]
Mark: Right as I *shoot?*
Mark: You fucki-...fuck you! [screams]
[everyone but Mark laughs]
Mark: This is BULLSHIT! You ASSHOLE! Bring this bullshit into MY HOUSE!?
Wade [laughing]: His ball was going in and I knocked him out!
Mark: Ohh...I KNOW! I was THERE!
Jack: Hole in one, baby!
Mark: You don't need to EXPLAIN how you fucked me over!
Bob: Hole in one, baby!
Jack: Hole in one!
Wade: Nooo!
Bob: Jack, we're hole in one brothers! Hole in one brothers!
Mark: And what about ME? Hole in one?
Mark [screaming with a voice crack]: FUCK OFF!
[everyone but Mark laughs]
Jack: This is the *best!* I love this game!
Mark: Shut up.
Jack: I *love* this game!
Mark: OH FUCK...
Bob: Mark...Mark, you got to use *finesse!*
[Mark groans, everyone else laughs]
Mark: Yeah, well, a bogey is good too...Double bogey also good...
Wade: Oh my God...
Jack: Bob, I'm coming for your ass!
Jack: Where the fuck am *I*?
Oh! All the way. All the way! Go!
Jack: Go! All the way! [sighs] So close...
Bob: No! No, no, no, no!
Bob: You know what? Fine.
Jack: Yes!
Wade: Bob, you've got me trying something so stupid...
Jack: Come, Bumbum, come! Yaay!
Mark: Yay, I did something.
Bob: Hey, friends! Can *I* come?
Jack: Welcome, Bumbum!
Bob: Can *I* come? Wade, go away! It's *my* hole.
[random cheers and noise-making]
Wade [laughing]: That took 4 shots there. That's so baaad...
Bob: Goddammit.
Mark: OH, SHUT UP.
[everyone but Mark laughs]
Jack: Aaand...woo!
Bob: Pew! Oh, fuck you, paddle!
Jack: Oh, shit...
[Mark laughs]
Wade [laughing]: Hey guys, welcome back!
Mark: Ooooh...
Jack: Hooshk!
Mark: All right...that's good...
Jack: Yeah, boy!
Jack: Keep going! Keep going! keep going!
Bob: Hwup -- Oh no!
Jack: Keep going, ball!
Wade: Woohooo!
Jack: Yes! Wooo!
[Wade makes triumphant grunting noises]
Jack: This is *fun* now!
Mark: Wade, were you just patient and got a hole in one?
Wade: Yes.
Jack: What the fuck is happening with your ball, Bob?
Mark: Oh my God, Bob!
Jack: Christ!
Bob: I'm comin'. I'm comin'. Hang on.
Mark: Let it go! Just let it go, Bob! [laughs]
Jack: You're just bouncin' in the same place!
[Wade laughs]
Bob: Hang on...
Bob: All right...
Mark: Bob! It's already dead!
Jack: Yeah! [laughs] Stop! Stop!
[Bob laughs]
Mark: Woah...woah...
Wade: HOLE IN ONE!
[Jack grunts]
Bob: Nooo...
Mark: Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one!
Jack: Oh...oh!
Mark: Hole in oooone!
Jack: Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one!
Bob: Jack, go away!
Jack: Yeeeah!
Mark: We got a hole in one! Yeah!
Wade: Jack's winning!
Jack: Of course I am.
Wade [jokingly]: That NEVER happens!
Jack: So suck my innards.
Mark: Aw man.
Mark: Uhhh...
Wade: Wheee...
Bob: Pew...
Jack: Oh shit!
[Wade screams]
Bob: Oh shit! Oh Lord!
Jack: I didn't fuckin' know THAT!
Mark: Woah! Shit! [laughs]
Jack: [grunts] Haaah!
Bob: Guys, wait...
Bob: I think you shoot out of the water if you bounce on it...
Wade: Yeah! Thank you, Jack!
Mark: [unclear] everyone said "Oh shit"... [unclear]
Jack: What did you DO, Wade?
Wade [laughing]: I bounced off of you into the hole!
Jack: You SUCK!
Jack: You SUCK!
Wade: You guys are so much fun...
Mark: WHAAAA no...
Wade: Bye, Bob. [laughs]
Bob: Oh no, no, ball! Ball! Ball!
Jack: Aaaaahh...bye.
Mark: Hang on, I got this...Boink!
Jack [laughing]: Stay there...
Mark: [rages for a second, then cheers]
Bob: Mark...
Jack: Aah, you did it.
[Mark and Bob laugh]
Wade: Wow...
Jack: Let's go, Wade.
Mark: Thank you.
Mark: Totally intentional!
Bob: Oh my God...
Jack: Oh Christ...
Mark: *Totally* intentional...
Mark: This looks familiar...
Wade: AH! NO!
Bob: Wooo...Oh no! No! Ball! Oh my God...
Jack: All you have to do is get the
perfect line.
[Jack grunts]
Bob: Wade, why is the out of bounds so harsh?
Wade: I don't know...
Jack: Oh my Go-...Wade! WADE!
Mark: Ohhh...
[Wade laughs]
Bob: I feel like they used to bounce out of bounds a lot more...
Jack: I fucking HATE you.
Mark: Jack!
Mark: Jack, shoot! You're in my way.
[Wade laughs]
Jack: I bounced Wade into the hole again!
[Bob laughs]
Mark: Woooo...
Bob: What the hell?
Jack: Oh! Oh! Oh, there's so many fingers
on the screen for you now, buddy.
Jack: Oh sh-...
Mark: I'll add some! I'm helping!
[Wade laughs]
Jack: [laughs] Thanks.
Wade: Why? What did *I* do?
Mark: What the fuck is this THIS?
Mark [laughing]: Wow...
Jack: You...you go into the middle and then st-
...ugh, fuck.
Bob: It's easy, idiots!
Jack: I'm back, bitches!
Bob: I diiid it!
Mark: Hoo!
Bob: Why did no one else use my strategy?
There you go, Mark.
Bob: That's a strategy.
Mark: I use it afterwards. I thought I was better.
[Jack grunts]
Wade: Woo!
Jack: Aw, you son of a bitch! No!
Bob & Wade: Bye, Jack!
Jack: FUUU-HUCK!
[everyone else laughs]
Jack: SUUUCK DICKS!
[everyone else laughs]
[everyone else continues laughing]
Mark: That's what you get for being in first place, dillweeed!
Jack: I hate this...
Wade: Hey Jack, thanks for the first place you gave me!
Jack: Wade, we're no longer friends.
Wade: Ohhh...but it's Golf With Your Friends!
Jack: No, it's Golf With Suck My Ass.
Bob: Hey buddy!
Jack: Ohhhh!
Wade: Don't go in the 1st hole!
Wade: The 1st hole...is bad.
Bob: Oh, I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to!
Wade: HOLE IN ONE!
Jack: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Jack: HOLE IN ONE! OH, PRAISE JEBEDIAH!
Wade: There you go!
[Mark rages incoherently,
Wade and Jack laugh]
Mark: But I went in the same hole YOU guys did!
[everyone but Mark laughs]
Mark: I went in the SAME! HOLE!
Jack: It's okay! You're tied with Bob now.
Mark: I went out the SAME...HOLE!
Bob: We can be friends, Mark.
[Wade laughs]
Wade: Oh God...
Jack: Fuck...
Mark: It was the same hole!
Mark: It was the same hole, right?
Jack: Yeah.
Bob: Yeah, it was.
Bob: It was exactly the same hole, Mark.
Jack [frustrated]: Ohhhhhh! *Why?*
Mark: Why did it...[groans]
Jack: WHY?
Jack: I'm all the way back at the start again.
Bob: Mark's getting shoved around! [laughs]
[Wade laughs]
Bob: Oh no! No, Mark! No no...Yes! Good bounce. Good bounce.
Jack: Yes...Come on, push me! Push me! Push me, you s-...fuckin' hairy bitch!
[Mark laughs]
[Bob and Wade laugh]
Jack: I get...I get so angry.
Wade: Noooo...MARK!
[Mark laughs]
Jack: Yes!
Bob: Mark, did you just block Wade from going in the hole?
Wade: He DID!
Bob: Oh my God...
Jack: Sorry for my language. I get angry.
Bob: That was beautiful. That was beautiful, that was beautiful, that was beautiful...
Mark: Thank you. Thank you, thank you thank you...
Jack: Okay...Oh, if you're good, you can bounce over.
Bob: Are you guys ready for THIS shit?
Bob: No,watch THIS!
Bob: Pew!
Jack: [laughs] "Watch THIS fuckin' shit!"
Mark: Wooooah!
Bob: Hey Mark. Pew!
Mark: Sick moves, bruh. Heyyy...
[Wade grunts]
Bob: Oh my God, Wade, calm down! [laughs]
Mark: You dick!
Jack: Okay, I got this...
[Mark groans in frustration]
Jack: Ffffuck!
Bob: Mark...Mark...awww.
Bob: You gotta go slooow...
Jack: H-..OHHHHH!
[everyone but Jack laughs]
Mark: What the hell, Wade?
Wade: I was trying to hit you and
you took off, so I hit Jack!
[everyone but Jack laughs]
Wade [laughing]: I was trying to get you back and I took Jack out instead!
Jack [quietly]: There...th-...there are no words.
Bob: Bye-bye.
Jack: What the fuck...
Wade: Wooo!
Mark: Sorry Bob!
Bob: I'm just going to get in the hole before everyone fucks with my shit.
Mark: Ah shit! Goddammit, why am I over here...
Bob: You're fucking with my shit. Don't
fuck with my shit. Leave me alone.
Mark: NoooOOOO!
[Jack snarls]
[Bob laughs]
Wade: Mark! Nooo!
Mark: I think I got this...Hup!
Mark: There we go.
[Jack fake-cries]
Bob: Jack! Jack! *Softer,* Jack!
Jack: I couldn't see the line!
Mark: Ha-HAH!
Bob: Go *softly!*
Jack: I was, I was like stuck in the wall!
I couldn't see the line.
Jack: Oh fuck. Wait -- the hole is just down there.
Mark: Oh geez. This looks bad.
Bob: Yeah.
Wade: You can go through the tunnel or you can go the other way.
Bob: Pew!
Wade: There's two areas to do it.
Mark: Is there a possibility of a hole-in-one if we go through the tunnel?
Bob: Yes...
Wade: There's totally a possibility both ways
but...
Jack: This is just ea-...why is *this* a hole?
Jack: This is not that hard...
Bob: Bye everybody.
Mark: Woah...woah...
Mark: Woah, woah, woah, woah...
Bob: Oh Mark...oh Mark...
Jack: Oh...oh...
[groans from Mark and Bob]
Jack: OH-HO-HO-HO! Right behind you!
Jack: I almost knocked you in!
Mark: I was so...
Mark: Oh man...why you couldn't you have been a friend?
Wade: Woo-hoo!
Jack: I...uh, sorry, man!
[Bob laughs]
Jack: I didn't mean to -- Oh God.
Mark: Oh geez.
Wade: This one, the third target's the one you want to hit. It will bounce you all the way to the end.
Jack: I'd rather just try and go normally. 
Mark: I don't trust you.
Mark: I don't trust you.
Wade: Okay.
Bob: Oh sweet Jesus...
Jack: What the fuck? He did it!
Mark: How are you supposed to...know where...the fuck hit?
Wade: I TOLD you!
Bob: You -- no no NO!
Bob: Fuck...
Jack: Yeah, but you can't --
[Mark shrieks]
Wade: WHAT?
Jack: WOAH!
Mark: OH MY GOD!
Mark: OH MY GOD!
Bob: Mark... [laughs]
Mark: WHAAAAT!?
Wade: He did GOOD!
Jack: You did...you did an AWESOME thing!
Mark: Whaaat?
Mark: I KILLED it!
[Bob laughs]
Jack: Holy fuck!
Mark: I MURDERED it!
Jack: You really did! That was awesome!
Wade: Hey, if I hadn't screwed, uh...
Jack: Oh...
Wade: If I hadn't screwed Jack over twice, 
he'd be tied with Bob!
Mark: Ahhh...Wait, are there...Are there 2 flags on this, or is that a separate map?
Bob: Yeah! That would be so impressive, Jack.
Mark: That's a separate one, right?
Bob: That's a separate one.
Mark: Okay...
Jack: I'm just going the normal way.
Jack: I'm not tryin' any fuckin'...risky business.
Bob: Ah shit! I should have just gone the normal way.
Jack: Shiiit! Oh, I'm rolling all the way baaack!
Mark: Woah! Two jumps! No one told me there were two jumps!
Bob: Oh no, there's two jumps! Why?
[Jack laughs]
Bob: Why is there so many jumps?
Wade: They're all bad except for
the one with the flag.
Jack: Where do they lead?
Bob: Oh, I got this...
Bob: Imma slam dunk this, are you ready? Are you ready, Jack?
Mark: I'm ready.
Jack: Don't -- if you hit me...
Bob: What's up, bitches!? Oh God...
[Mark laughs]
Jack: Go in the hole! Go in the hole! Go in the hole!
Wade: Bye, Bob!
Jack: Yaaaay! [laughs]
Bob: No...no...no-no-no-no...
[Wade and Mark laugh]
Mark: Accept your fate, Bob! Accept it.
Jack: Accept your fate!
Bob: No...It's not gonna happen. I'm gonna work my way out...
Bob: Shit.
Wade: Bye, Bob.
Jack: Bloop! Yesss! I'm out of the way now.
Mark: Try it again.
Bob: I'm back, bitches...
Wade: Bye, Bob!
Jack: In the hole...in the hole...in the hole...in the hole...
Bob: Fuck! Fuck!
Jack: Yaaaay!
Bob: Nope...nope, nope...
Mark: Bob...Bob, Bob...
Wade: Bye, Bob!
Bob: Woo!
Jack: Oh...oh, oh, go away! I can't see the fucking thing! The trees are in the way.
Jack: Yes! Oh God, it's right in *there?*
Mark: Ooh, that is not good.
Wade: Uh-oh...
Wade: Mistakes were not maaade!
Jack: Oh, yes!
Jack: WOO!
Bob: Aw, fuck.
Jack: Awesome!
and roll back maybe you're coming back
Mark: Hoo -- whoah! Maybe I'm coming back in?
Jack: Roll back! Roll back, baby!
Mark: Am I coming back in?
Mark: Aw, fuck you, Wade! Ooh!
Bob: Oh, Wade! Get out of the way, Wade!
Jack: Niiice!
Mark: THANK you, Wade!
Bob: Get out of the way, Wade! Oh NO!
Wade: Bye, Bob!
[Jack laughs]
Mark: Oh, BOB!
Jack: What happened, Bob?
Bob: I got it. I got this.
Bob: Try and get in, Wade. I fucking dare you.
[Mark and Jack laugh]
Bob: I fucking *dare* you...NO!
Wade: Badunk.
[Jack starts to hum the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly]
[everyone laughs]
Bob: I was full power! How did that go in the hole when I was full power?
Wade: I don't know.
Mark: Oh wow.
Bob: Yeah.
Jack: Oh, I almost nailed it -- Oh shit. Oh shit.
Too far and you're fucked.
Wade: Noooo!
Bob: Oh God...oh no...
Mark: Woah woah woah...
Jack: Wait, why am I behind *this?*
Mark: Oh, okay. This is okay.
Bob: Hey, Wade...
Jack: Oh! Oh! Ohhh!
Mark: Yes!
Wade: Noooo!
Bob: How did that work out -- [unclear]
Jack: No. I'm goin' in before you guys fuck me over.
Jack: Yes! Yes! This is where I get my lead back!
Jack [singing]: We're aaall in thiiis togeetheer...
Bob: I'm gonna try and...I'm gonna try and keep you in this, Jack.
Jack: What?
Bob: I'm gonna try to - [interrupted by Wade screaming]
Jack: Thank you, Bob!
Jack: *Thank* you! [blows kisses]
Wade: BAHHHB!
[Bob and Mark laugh]
Mark: Yeah!
Bob: I got it...Wait, I got it. It's gonna come back, I got it.
Mark: Proud of ya. Proud of ya.
Bob: Just hang on.
Jack [laughing]: You got it.
Mark: Proud of you.
[Wade laughs]
Bob: No, I got it. I got it. Hang on.
Mark: Proud of you.
[Jack laughs]
Bob: It's gonna come back. Hang on. Hang on, it's gonna come back. Hang on, I got this...
Wade: Bye, Bob.
Mark: Proud of you, Bob. Proud of you.
[Wade and Jack laugh]
Bob: Hang on...oh.
Wade: BYE, Bob.
Mark: Proud of you!
Jack: Oh God...
Mark: Oh no...
Mark: Wow, what is THIS?
[Wade grunts]
Jack: Yes! Yes...
Jack: Woah! All the way!
Bob: Holy shit, that sucks.
Mark: What the hell?
Mark: Wade, how'd you do that?
Wade: I just j-jump- [interrupted by Mark's scream]
Wade [laughing] I jumped better than that.
Jack: Uh-oh...uh-oh...uh-oh...
Mark [fake crying]: I didn't [unclear]
Jack: Ah! Fucking LOGS!
Jack: No! No! Oh God...
Mark: Oh fuck this shit, I can't...[groans]
Jack: Logs, don't do it...
Mark: Aw, fuck!
Wade: Schnitzel! Schnitzel! SCHNITZEL!
Bob: What are you doing, logs? No, logs, why? Hey, Jack.
Jack: Hi.
Mark: Awww man...
Jack: Oh, kick me in! Kick me in -- NOOO!
Wade: Wooo...YES!
Wade: YES!
Mark: I am sucking...SO MUCH [unclear] -- Aw, fuck...
Jack: Get in, get in, get in...oh yes.
Mark: Aw, I'm out of strokes well that...fuck.
Bob: Oh, that worked! That was such a good shot!
Jack: Ohh yes!
[Mark laughs]
Jack: Oh wait...now you have a shot on me again. Fuck!
Wade: That's the last hole!
Jack: Noooo!
Bob: Goddammit.
Mark: Aw, how did I get...
Mark: I...I got 9 strokes on that one?
But it's only a 7 stroke limit!
Wade: If you max out strokes, it adds you a penalty of 2, yeah.
Bob: Yeah, you get a penalty if you suck.
Mark: Awww...
[Bob laughs, Mark groans]
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Jack: So, you guys wanna go get burgers *without* Wade?
Mark: Yeah, absolutely.
Wade: But...*I* like burgers.
