

## Nights on Broadway

### By

### Mindy Haig

Copyright © 2014 by Mindy Haig

Smashwords Edition

Cover Art by Mindy and Delaney Haig

All Rights Reserved

License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or redistributed without permission of the author. Unauthorized distribution is a violation of copyright and subject to penalties under the applicable Piracy Laws regarding intellectual property. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

**TABLE OF CONTENTS:**

CHAPTER 1 - JADE:

CHAPTER 2 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 3 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 4 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 5 - JADE:

CHAPTER 6 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 7 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 8 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 9 - JADE:

CHAPTER 10 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 11 - JADE:

CHAPTER 12 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 13 - JADE:

CHAPTER 14 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 15 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 16 - JADE:

CHAPTER 17 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 18 - JADE:

CHAPTER 19 - JESSE:

CHAPTER 20 - JADE:

CHAPTER 21 - JESSE:

AFTERWARD:

CONNECT WITH ME

CHAPTER 1 - JADE:

The sigh that escaped my mouth was so big, so heavy, that it might have been my soul freeing itself from my body. Its release didn't leave me feeling lighter; instead it felt like a lead cape had been thrown across my shoulders.

I unpinned the cast assignments from the bulletin and walked into Dr. Evan Thorn's office.

"Are you serious?" I asked quietly as I pushed the paper across his desk. "Did she call you? Was there a donation to the department?"

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Good morning to you too, Bianca," he grinned.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know I hate when you call me that, right?"

"I do."

"So? Why did you do this?" I asked again, pointing at the list.

"Because you're perfect for Arabella. You have the voice and the look. You are this part, Jade. I did not give you the lead because of your mother. I respect her, but I wouldn't put my reputation on the line for a donation to the department. I promise you."

"The school would probably want you to do that."

"Well, the school can bite me. I don't want to be in this office forever, you know."

I snickered, but just a little.

"Jade, you were made for this role. This show could launch your career if you would give yourself to it." He said the words with a straight face, soberly.

I could tell he wasn't lying to me. I'd seen him lie before; he'd never mastered that skill. But I grew up around politicians. I could spot a lie a mile away, even if it was hidden behind an affectionate gesture or a postured smile. Thorn was telling me the truth, at least the truth he believed. I just don't know if I believed it. I didn't have anything else to say, so I nodded and turned away.

"Jade, the day you start to actually embrace your talent you are going to be a star. You have a fantastic voice, probably the best I've ever taught. The only thing you're missing is confidence."

"You can't buy confidence," I said reflexively.

"No, you can't," he agreed.

Thorn was in his early thirties. He was sandy-haired, had an over developed sarcasm gene, and this innate charm that was magnetic, particularly to female underclassmen. I knew he'd had his eye on me. I knew he liked me beyond my meager talent. I could have been more than a student to him, but my heart was somewhere else.

He was usually pretty honest with me. Sometimes he was a little too blunt and his words hurt. This time, I believed he thought I was right for the part.

I just hoped he wasn't wrong.

It didn't really matter if he was. The review would be gushing and glowing because no newspaper was going to print that the Lieutenant Governor's daughter was a hack.

And that was why I always got the best parts whether I wanted them or not.

The problem was didn't always deserve them. In all honesty, I rarely deserved them.

I turned to leave the office.

"Hey," Thorn started.

I spun back to him.

"Pin it back up on the board, the rest of the cast might want to see it," he said thrusting the paper back into my hand. "I'll see you at rehearsals."

CHAPTER 2 - JESSE:

"Mr. Ianescu, Mr. Coleman will see you in his office now," the receptionist started in her soft musical voice as she gently tapped my shoulder with her perfectly manicured nails.

I startled.

This was my sixth interview in four weeks. In all honesty, this was the firm and the position I was most interested in, but my expectations were extremely low. It would probably be fair to say I had no chance at all of getting the position, short of some sort of divine intervention or a miracle. All of the other firms I'd interviewed with in the city had sort of looked down on my background. _'Sort of'_ was an understatement. In fact there were two interviewers who had their noses so far turned up it was probably not even possible for them to see me at all. But that's the way it goes when one has absolutely no helpful connections, and my lowly status had not allowed the luxury of the coveted unpaid internships.

I really didn't expect this interview to be any different and I was already mentally acknowledging the sad fact that I was most likely going to have to go back home to Ohio where I would be stuck for the rest of my life.

Another reason I had not let myself really get attached to Jade.

Jade.

Just thinking her name made my heart skip and shatter at the same time.

I gathered my things and slowly rose. I tried to push all my thoughts away, but my broken foot was throbbing inside my stiff leather dress shoes. The physical pain underscored everything that was wrong with my life, and highlighted how little control I had over my own plans.

The receptionist's smile was fixed in place. Her teeth were unnaturally white. Her suit was most likely custom made to conform to her hourglass figure and her shoes had to have cost more than my rent. Just looking at her stole the last of my hope away. I knew I was going to have to smile and fake it enough to walk through that office door and try to sell myself to a man with the world at his fingertips while wearing a suit off the rack from a men's chain store up in The Bronx.

I was out of my league. I was certain of that.

I did my best not to limp as I followed the click of her stiletto heels down the marble hallway.

Grade point averages and test scores were simply not enough. To get anywhere in the big city, you had to have connections, big important connections. Even the most complimentary letter of recommendation from the department head at Fordham Law was treated like it might have been from a Kindergarten teacher.

But the monologue in my head was cut short when the heavy wooden door to the big glass walled office we were approaching was abruptly opened.

The receptionist stopped in her tracks and I stopped beside her.

The very small, very useless amount of precognition I possessed immediately flooded my mind with numbers as I looked at the smiling man who steeped through the door. He was fifty-four years old, married for twenty-three years and his mind seemed to be saying he had two and three children simultaneously, which was confusing. There was a general happiness about him, he appeared to be very fit for his age and his hair was only just barely streaked with gray. He stepped briskly toward us and extended his hand to me.

"Ron Coleman," he started. "You must be Jesse Ianescu."

"Yes, Sir," I answered accepting his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you," I started, but he cut me off immediately.

"I am sorry to do this, but I have to go greet a client. Do you mind waiting just a few more minutes?"

"No, Sir, not at all," I replied, though it was probably either relief or surprise that he heard because I had been thinking he was about to cancel the interview.

"I'll show him back to the lobby," the receptionist said through her fixed smile.

"That's not necessary, Cindy, he can wait in my office, I'm only going to be a few minutes. Bring him some coffee or something, make him at home," he smiled. Then he walked quickly away down the hall.

Cindy pushed the door open wider and waved me inside. She was forty-three, but told people she was thirty-five. She also told people she could type one hundred and twenty words per minute, which was a gross exaggeration, and I really needed my brain to stop capturing the numbers floating around in hers because I did not need to know that she wished she could lose five pounds.

"Can I get you some coffee or a bottled water?" she asked.

"I'm fine, but thank you for offering," I smiled.

The office was bigger than my apartment. It may have been bigger than my grandparents' house. The window out the back had a panoramic view of Central Park, with the Plaza Hotel off to the far right. Spring was in full bloom and the view was fresh and green after the long cold winter. It was sort of a shame that the desk faced into the room; that anyone could sit there all day with their back to all that beauty.

The wall to the left was filled with fine bookshelves most were loaded with the standard books of the trade that you'd expect to find in such an office, but the ones nearest the desk had actual books, some classics, Tolkien, Twain and Salinger, but more were modern adventures from the likes of Jordan, Gaiman and Williams.

In my mind, I was thinking that books were something we had in common, something I could discuss knowledgeably. Not that I owned many books, but having been working in a bookstore for four years, I'd certainly read a lot of books, I knew plenty about books. I was beginning to feel a little hope and then my eyes met the right wall of the office.

I don't know how they didn't see that first.

The entire wall was covered in framed photos and articles about the School of American Ballet and the New York Ballet Company. There were at least a hundred photos from performances and fundraisers. There were photos of the dancers and the after parties. And there nestled among them was Anika Rossi smiling as she held my arm so many years ago when she made her New York debut in a Midsummer Night's Dream.

My miracle.

My heart cried out. My eyes wanted to look away but they just simply couldn't. At that time in my life, she was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. She was beautiful; more than beautiful, she was perfection. Her blue eyes looked at me like I was something special. And when she kissed me, I was alive. But what happened between us was so much more than I could even begin to explain. She had precognition too, and when we met inside our minds we made magic happen. We saw the world, and we made the world exactly what we wanted it to be.

I fell in love.

Madly in love.

Head over heels in love.

But the magical summer ended and my real life was not a place that I could share with her. There was nothing to share. I didn't have two nickels to rub together. She was a star and I could only hold her back.

I let her go.

I broke the magical bond. I walked away from something absolutely wonderful because I had nothing to offer.

And four years later I still had nothing.

"I knew your name rang a bell, I just couldn't place it!" Mr. Coleman started enthusiastically.

I startled.

"I remember that night. I remember that young lady had a smile that was absolutely electrifying. I remember thinking that it took a very fine young man to stand back and wait on her while all those guests jockeyed for a moment of her time. Come, sit, let's talk," he smiled.

CHAPTER 3 - JESSE:

Mr. Coleman closed the office door, waved me to a chair as he slid into his own behind the big desk. I could tell he was torn between asking me about Anika and going right into the interview. Reading people's thoughts was not typically something my precognition let me do, but I could sense that he really wanted to talk about the ballet and that it had something to do with one of his children. While it seemed like we sat in silence for a long time, it was really just a moment before he asked me about her.

"So, did you know Ms. Rossi well?"

"Yes. I did. She was the most amazing woman I'd ever met. She was gifted and beautiful, but she was also a genuinely sweet person. I don't think she'd ever had a mean or jealous thought in her life."

"How did you meet?"

That was an awkward question. The truth was that I saw her in a dream and then she magically appeared standing in my path on the most desperate day of my life. I could not actually give him that answer, though. That truth would definitely eliminate my possibility of getting the job and probably imply that I was insane. The simple answer would have to suffice. "I met her on the corner outside the theater as I was walking to school one day. It was only about a week before that photo was taken. She was with a couple of other dancers from the company and how I actually got up the nerve to speak to her is still a mystery."

He chuckled just a bit and nodded.

"You must be a big supporter of the Ballet, that's quite a collection of pictures," I said with a glance over at the wall.

"Yes, I am a very big supporter. I have two sons and I had a daughter," he paused. "She was born with a heart defect. She was always very petite for her age because of her condition. Dancing was her dream and even though she was frail, she was determined, tough as nails. She never gave up. She had tremendous grace for such a little girl. My wife and I did all we could to make her dream come true. The School of American Ballet was a very big opportunity for her. She wanted to go so badly, but we simply couldn't risk her living away from home. We moved everything here for her. She got one dance on the big stage. She's there in the center, with the flowers," he said pointing at the wall.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," I told him sincerely as my mind reconciled his thoughts of two and three children.

"Her name was Denise. She was such a great blessing. Her star just burned out too quickly. We couldn't leave here when she was gone. This was where her spirit lived. So we started a foundation in her name and we give scholarships to other young girls so they can live that dream. Do you still see Ms. Rossi? I've seen a number of her performances."

"No, Sir. Ani and I met at a time when she was standing at the doorway of her future and my future was still a long way away. I had nothing to offer her. I was putting myself through school and working two jobs plus work-study to pay off my loans. I couldn't even afford to buy her flowers, and every dancer should have someone who hands her flowers. She deserved so much more than I would ever be able to give her, but letting her go hurt more than sleeping on a warehouse floor, especially because I knew she didn't want it to end. Ani had that same dream your daughter had, and it was about to come true. Staying with me would have held her back."

He sat looking at me very intensely for a moment. "Were you successful? Did you put yourself through college and law school and pay off all that debt?" he asked, astonished.

"Yes. In that respect, I was successful."

"Incredible. In all honesty, Jesse, may I call you Jesse?"

"Yes, of course."

"Well Jesse, as I was saying, your resume is a bit thin. Most of the applicants that come in here have had the luxury of parents paying their tuition and affording them the opportunity to take on internships. Most applicants also tend to have connections, typically quite notable connections in this city. I've seen letters of recommendation from names you would not even believe. That being said, I'm not sure I've ever met anyone as self-motivated as you apparently are. I've looked at your transcripts and test scores, and they're impressive in their own right, but to manage all of that while working and maintaining that level of discipline is truly remarkable. Coming out of Fordham and Fordham Law you could be well over two hundred thousand dollars in debt."

"I was able to get a good percentage of the cost in financial aid," I admitted.

"It's still an incredible accomplishment,"

"Thank you, Sir," I said humbly; knowing inside that my accomplishment cost more than money and time.

We talked for a good while about the position and why I was interested in contract law. I told him about the research projects I'd worked on and that I was skilled with numbers and with reading people, both of which were helpful in negotiations. He was definitely intrigued though he was quite good at facially concealing his interest. We talked about my family and my history. I told him how I'd made it this far. I probably told him more than I should have, but he was the first person I'd interviewed with who asked me those sorts of questions. He was interested in the man behind the weak resume, and I felt like my only shot at this job was if I could make him see that I was a hard worker who would do whatever it took to be successful. I'd given up a lot, sacrificed a lot in the past seven years since I left my parents' home. I needed to be successful so I could start living again.

Mr. Coleman responded with information about the firm and the structure, telling me what it would take to find that success. But I wondered if the biggest step had been made nearly four years ago when that picture on his wall had been taken and for the first time in my life things just magically went right. That photo gave me a foot in the door. Mr. Coleman and I shared a bond of losing something truly beautiful that we loved.

At last he said, "Jesse, I would like for you to come back tomorrow. I would like to have you meet the other senior partners."

"I would like that very much, Sir."

He picked up his phone and asked his secretary to check the calendars. They squeezed me into an early afternoon slot. I was guardedly excited. I would have to rearrange my work shift just a little. I would most likely have to disappoint Jade and miss our afternoon coffee.

Sadly, she was used to being disappointed by me.

"I think you are a very impressive young man," Mr. Coleman told me as he stood and shook my hand. "I look forward to talking again tomorrow."

I thanked him genuinely, shook his hand firmly and tried to leave his office without my limp giving away the pain I was trying to hide.

But then again, I wasn't sure if it was the pain in my foot or the pain of seeing that one happy moment forever captured and hung upon his wall, that I was trying to hide.

CHAPTER 4 - JESSE:

I walked out of the building into the bright April sun and wondered to myself _'how exactly did I get here?'_ Not to that place, but to that moment, to that exact feeling. I sat on the bench just outside the big glass doors and pulled my worn out sneakers out of my briefcase. I was definitely not going to be able to walk the ten blocks back to my apartment with my broken foot squeezed into the shiny new, stiff leather work shoes I had been suffering through the interview in. I probably should have just worn the boot the doctor told me to wear for the next four to six weeks, but it looked so bad and I really needed to make a good impression.

I sat on a bench in the spring sunshine and thought back to that desperate day nearly four years ago when a dream actually came true.

* * *

I'd been dreaming of her for months. She was a beautiful mystery just sitting beside me, smiling. My spring semester was nearly over. Finals were looming, the quarterly inventory at my grandfather's store was draining my time away, and there were a few times I had to catch a quick nap during my work study hours in the library just to make it through the day.

I was still in my Junior year at Fordham up in The Bronx, but I'd applied to take some summer credits at Fordham Law in the hopes that I could shorten my law school career and ease the financial burden.

Getting in was not a problem.

Everything else was.

My financial aide was declined. I appealed. I prayed. I waited.

The apartment I was supposed to sublet fell through because the guy I was going to sublet from had his internship denied when they found out he was charged with possession of marijuana. He offered to let me stay on his sofa, but I couldn't risk being caught in a place with drugs.

I had work-study set up in the Law Library and that seemed like the only thing that was a given.

There was a very good possibility that I was going to have to drop the classes and lose my deposit because I couldn't manage the commute from my grandparents' place everyday.

And then my dad sent me money.

I knew he couldn't afford five hundred dollars. Ever since my mother had gotten sick it'd been all he could do to pay off her medical bills.

She had been working at the high school in Fruit Hill, as a librarian. She caught meningitis during an outbreak at the school. Evidently, whatever childhood immunizations she'd had weren't enough and the illness left her with memory loss and occasional seizures. My father's whole life had changed from planning for the future to taking care of her. I tried to give the money back, but he wouldn't hear of it and that just upped the pressure to find a way to get through the summer classes so that he wouldn't have to feel guilty for not being able to help me out more.

I slept the first week in the library because I had nowhere else to go.

I had pretty much hit rock bottom.

And then that Wednesday there she was, just standing there with her two friends. I stopped in my tracks. She was deliberately not looking at me even though both of her friends were, and I was a mess. I'd been up most of the night stocking my grandfather's store. I slept very little on the stockroom floor. I was most likely dirty and sweaty. I had a good two days worth of stubble on my face. But when her blue eyes finally met mine, something magical happened. I don't know what it was, but it was definitely magic. I introduced myself. She introduced herself and her two friends but she hurried away because she didn't think I could be interested in her. She didn't know I was already in love. I never had the nerve to tell her it was love.

If I had, I don't know if I would have been strong enough to let her go.

But that same day, my financial aide was approved. I also ran into a guy that I'd had some classes with on the other campus and he had a room available in his apartment for the summer. One touch from the magic girl and everything else fell into place.

It just wasn't enough.

I had to see her again.

That night I lay in a stranger's bed, but I couldn't get her image out of my mind. I whispered into the darkness _, 'come back, Ani.'_ I didn't know she could hear me or I would have said more.

I waited on that corner, where I first met her, every day for a week hoping for another chance but not getting even a glimpse of her. I didn't even get the dream of her that I'd been having for so long. And then Tuesday rolled around again and I was back off to my grandparents' house to load the new stock at the store.

Wednesday I was sore. I was tired. I was dirty and unshaven and, of course, that was when she breezed back into my world. She didn't notice me. She sort of paced the corner, maybe nerves, maybe frustration getting the best of her, but then she came and threw herself down onto the bench across from where I was sitting.

"Really, Ani? Today?" I said with a grin.

She startled and then she smiled at me. Me. I went and sat beside her. And in that moment I was living the dream that had been in my head all that time. She was beside me, looking at me with eyes bluer than the clearest sky and this smile that made my heart pound in my chest. I hardly remember the words we spoke. I only know that she had the number seventeen weighing heavily on her mind and that she thought I would reject her when I knew that was her age.

It couldn't possibly be wrong for a twenty-one year old guy to be in love with a seventeen-year-old woman, could it? Why would the minuscule bit of precognition that I'd inherited from some ancestor of my father's that I'd never met, lead me to this woman, this stunningly beautiful woman if we weren't supposed to be together?

And then, the clincher: she also had precognition. It worked differently than mine, but as we parted that day, she said, _'call me like you did last time and I will answer.'_ Then she kissed my cheek and the next four months were a dream.

Well, for the most part they actually were a dream.

CHAPTER 5 - JADE:

My throat was sore.

All week the rehearsals had been long, grueling and Thorn was really working me hard, harder than he'd ever worked me. I sort of had this feeling that he was pushing me to reach the point where I would have to be the music and anything like doubt would just disappear.

I wished that was possible. I really did. I was giving him all I had.

It was a workday. Part of me wanted to call in sick.

Part of me wanted to quit.

But I couldn't because of Jesse. Not that he needed me, he didn't. I needed him.

Jesse was the most perfect man I'd ever met. It wasn't just that he was handsome, he was definitely handsome, but it wasn't his looks that defined him. He was real. He was a regular guy, not the kind of guys I grew up around. His clothes were plain. His Nikes probably had a hundred thousand miles on them. While he mainly kept to himself, he worked non-stop from the time he punched in until the time he left for the night. He rarely ate, but he had a kind word and a smile for everyone. He was a beautiful person and I wanted to know him.

It all started with a sandwich. It would have ended there too, but I kept trying to get his attention.

I got a break late in the fall.

Jesse was studying for finals.

He started taking the fifteen minute break that our boss, Lisa, forced on him, in the cafe if there was a table open.

The first day I just stood behind the counter and stared at him.

The second day I bought him over a cup of coffee.

He looked up from his books and he smiled that wonderful smile at me. Then he thanked me. It was such a short moment, but every bit of me tingled. I watched from behind the counter as he sipped the coffee and sunk back into his books. I most likely looked like a cartoon character with little heart bubbles bursting over my head.

But the fifteen minutes elapsed. He packed away his things and came up to the counter. He said: _'Thanks, Jade. I needed that. I really did.'_ And he swept his hand over mine as he walked away.

It was something. At least, I wanted it to be something.

I brought coffee to that table every time I worked that shift.

One night he looked beat. I mean, he looked like he'd been pulling all-nighters. And he probably had been studying through the nights because he was either in school or at work every other minute of his day. I bought him over this special latte that had a shot of espresso in it. He looked up at me with his tired brown eyes and he smiled.

Then he lifted the cup and took a sip.

His exact words were: _'Holy crap that's strong! What the heck is it?'_

On the plus side, it did wake him up. We had a good laugh about it. I took it away and got him a regular strength coffee instead, but it sort of started a routine. He took his break there, and I sat with him when he wasn't studying. We talked about books, our jobs, things that happened in the store, but we didn't talk about ourselves.

He stayed aloof.

I fell in love.

I wanted to be a couple.

He didn't date.

So, I'd known Jesse for sixteen months and I'd asked our co-workers a lot of questions about him. The last time there was a woman in his life was nearly four years ago. There was a story, but I didn't know the details. He must have had his heart broken pretty badly and maybe he just couldn't go there again. But I'd edged myself into his world and if I quit my stupid job now I was going to lose him.

I couldn't do that.

And that was why even though my throat was killing me, I was going to go stand behind that coffee counter and take orders with a smile fixed on my face.

Then Jesse would come into work and the smile wouldn't be fake anymore.

CHAPTER 6 - JESSE:

It was absolutely ridiculous how much better my foot felt when I got back to my apartment and put the stupid plastic boot back on. It would have been even better to sit for half an hour with an ice pack on the damned thing, but I still had to get to work.

The refrigerator had the barest essentials; the last of the pancakes, two eggs, a few cups of yogurt and orange juice. It was the cheapest orange juice the store carried. It had way too much pulp, which sort of made it like a meal, but it was still liquid, mostly and walking home in a suit, in April, with a broken foot, was a pretty hot task so I eagerly drained the last of it out of the bottle. I scraped the dregs of the peanut butter out of the jar and spread it on a cold pancake, folded it in half and ate.

I wondered what it would be like to sink my teeth into a beautiful, medium rare steak, perhaps with a baked potato beside it or a green vegetable that wasn't soggy lettuce. My body would most likely have gone into shock. My grandmother's meatloaf was the closest thing I'd had to a steak in years, and that was a far cry from anything any other person in the world would consider steak.

Before I could really even give it any thought or the slightest enjoyment, the peanut butter pancake was devoured. The jar was scraped so clean that there wasn't even enough to make my finger sticky, which meant a second sandwich was not going to happen. I was still hungry though. I wrestled with the notion of just buying an actual lunch and charging it to the credit card I'd opened to be able to buy my interview suits and the awful, tight, leather shoes, but I swore to myself that I would not be frivolous with the card.

I swore it.

Instead I went to work still hungry.

My boss, Lisa, was in the back room as I made my way to the time clock to punch in.

"Jesse, can you start off at the information desk? Dianna is in an exam, she won't be here for another hour or so."

"Sure, no problem."

"How'd your interview go this morning?" she asked.

"Good, I think. They want me to come back in tomorrow and meet the partners. I would have to come in late. Is that a problem?"

"No, Honey! You take care of business first. The truck is coming in today, tomorrow should be a light day anyway. How's the foot?"

"Fine," I shrugged.

"Liar!" she laughed.

"I didn't want to wear this lovely boot to my interview, so the truth is it feels like hell right now."

"Well sit at the info desk. Just sit, okay?"

"I feel like I'm not doing anything when I sit around."

"That's exactly how you're supposed to feel," Lisa said pointing her finger at me and then the desk.

Jade was not behind the coffee counter as I hobbled over to the desk. I sort of thought she'd be waiting for me, wondering how the interview went. Part of me wanted her to be waiting, part of me wondered why she was wasting her time.

We were a thing, sort of. Maybe. It was complicated.

It was hard to want something so badly and stay aloof.

But my life still sucked and I didn't want her to have to live with that.

She had been working in the store for almost a year and a half. I knew she'd had a bit of a crush on me all that time, but it took a couple months before she actually spoke to me.

I didn't make any effort to speak to her all that time either. As pretty as she was, I just didn't have any intention of dating. I mean, it's hard to have any intentions when I could barely afford to feed myself. I knew couldn't be any better to Jade than I was to Ani. I still couldn't even take her out to dinner and there wouldn't be those magical nights in Venice or Vienna, either. I would be wasting her time, leading her on. I couldn't do that.

So I sat in the chair with my foot up on a box of books beneath the information desk and thought about the first time Jade spoke to me. It was a day like this day, one of those days that happened every once in a while, when Lisa pulled me out of the stock room and stuck me on the information desk.

She seemed to do that mostly on Saturdays and I took a good bit of ribbing from the other guys about being the eye candy that ladies came into the store to see. The store was always busy on the weekends, the cafe line would spill out into the games section, tables were hard to come by and people just seemed to linger. I was on the desk a good portion of the day, which meant I would most likely have a late night of doing my actual job in the back.

Anyway that particular Saturday, way back when Jade was the new face in the store, the stock crew happened to be talking about the cute new girl in the cafe when she drifted into our turf. It was nearly closing time. She sort of stood awkwardly looking at us with her big hazel eyes, her pixie blonde bangs, and all her long hair looped into a bun. They all stopped in their tracks.

She looked like Tinkerbell.

Seriously.

All the guys were swooning.

She cleared her throat a little and then she said, "there are some left over sandwiches in the cafe if any of you are hungry."

Her voice was like music.

She said it to all four of us, but she was looking at me, and I was awkwardly trying not to meet her eye.

The others practically ran out the door. And we were alone.

"I'm Jade," she started.

"I know. They've been talking about you for a solid month," I smiled. She turned a very pretty shade of pink. "I'm Jesse."

"I know. The only time the information booth has a line is when you're up there manning it. It's a nice view from the cafe," she smirked. "It's nice to meet you finally, Jesse. You'd better hurry if you want a sandwich."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

"You know I can hear your stomach growling, don't you?"

"I have a lot to do back here," I shrugged.

She nodded and then she turned and walked away. Something new to regret. Two things really, because that sandwich was probably my only shot at a meal for the night.

She came back a few minutes later, handed me a sandwich and she walked away without a word.

I remember that day vividly because I slept on the floor in the warehouse that night. I'd had music on, the piped in background music that played on a continuous loop in the store. There was a song by The Bee Gees called _Nights on Broadway_ , that had sort of etched itself into my brain and wrapped it's music around my crystal clear memories of those nights when Ani was in my arms. I was sort of living that song. I was never going to get her back. I was not even trying to keep in touch with her. I just couldn't quite forget her. I had hoped that at some point there would be that subtle shift from regret to nostalgia but it hadn't happened at that time, particularly because I knew she was back in New York. Her blue eyes were looking at me from every playbill around the theater. Then one day I caught a glimpse of her walking with a guy as I made my way from the campus to work. I turned away, so she wouldn't see me, I was definitely not prepared to meet her boyfriend. And after that I avoided that corner as much as I possibly could because I just had to.

Anyway, Jade gave me a sandwich, and I probably neglected to thank her sufficiently. I worked late. Eventually, I fell asleep on that stock room floor, with a piece of cardboard as a pillow and I dreamt of music. It was a song that I could not place, but seemed to know. It was a song that made my heart beat wildly. I was happy. I felt actual happiness. I guess I sort of knew it was a premonition, that I was getting a hint about something in my future.

But I opened my eyes and I was not in the stock room.

I was sitting on a porch swing in a portico covered in flowering vines. The sun was setting and the sky was streaked with color. I'd been there before. My heart began to pound in my chest. I was in The White Room.

And if I was there, that had to mean Ani was there too.

She was standing by the column, her long hair blowing in the breeze.

She turned and smiled at me.

I stood, speechless.

"I haven't been to this place in a long time," she started.

"Neither have I. I didn't think I'd ever be here again."

"I saw you on the corner a few weeks ago. You rushed away. I didn't think you would want to come back here."

"Ani, I left you in tears. I didn't think you'd ever want to look at me again."

She shook her head at me, that electric smile on her beautiful face. "Jesse, you opened the door to my future. You turned the hardest time of my life into the most beautiful memories I had. And now there's something I'm supposed to show you, because The White Room has been trying to tell me something for weeks."

"What is it?"

She shrugged and started to laugh. "I have no idea! I think maybe I have to touch you, it's like that sometimes."

I opened my arms and then she was pressed against me. That place must have been Heaven.

"Oh!" she gasped, "it's music."

"What?"

"Evidently, your future is tied to music, a lot of music. There seem to be a lot of love songs from the seventies wrapped up in you," she laughed as she took my hand in hers and we danced like we'd done when she taught me years ago. "There's something else too, I don't recognize it. I think it's an aria. Do you know what it is?" she asked, as the music lilted around us and she looked up into my eyes.

"No, but I think I was dreaming about this song just before I got here."

"I think your future has a singer in it."

"Future," I shook my head. "I don't have a future. I'm still stuck in the present, Ani. I'm afraid it's always going to be like this."

"You listen to me, Jesse Ianescu. I know you have a future. I don't think I'd be standing here if you didn't." She pressed her hand to my heart and continued. "You are a beautiful dream come true. You've got some magic in you if you would just give it a chance. There is one incredibly lucky girl out there waiting for you. When you find her, don't you let go this time. Even if it's hard, or the timing is bad, you stick with her. The future is there. Don't let it get away. Promise me!"

"I promise you," I answered.

And then I was awake, alone, on the cold, hard floor.

I couldn't even remember the song or the feeling of happiness. I'd accepted letting go of Ani. I knew I did the right thing. But the loss, the emptiness still hurt. I didn't even get to ask her if she was happy. I promised, but I was afraid of hurting like that again.

* * *

So, I was sitting alone at the information desk doing absolutely nothing except keeping my aching foot elevated and remembering a day maybe a year ago when a pretty girl gave me a sandwich and my stupid brain pushed her away to relive my hurt. Seeing the photo in Mr. Coleman's office stirred up those old emotions yet again and even though the situation was different, the similarities were startling. Jade was a student at Julliard. Though I had not pried enough to know exactly what she was majoring in, I did know it was some sort of theater arts because she would miss work every now and then for her shows. Another beautiful, gifted woman walked into my life and I could not make her mine. Maybe I could have, but the years had been so hard, I just was too afraid of the heartache.

It wasn't long before I had to pull myself together and assist some customers, and once the line started it seemed to go on for a good long while.

I thought I was only going to be at the desk for an hour or so, but it was going on two and a half hours and as I was directing a customer to where she could find books written in Spanish, I noticed Dianna was up on the registers. Clearly Lisa was trying to keep me off my foot by restraining me in the tiny circular prison of customer service. But the truck was in and I knew I should be doing my actual job. Broken foot or not, I felt restless when I was not doing the manual labor. Sitting at the desk was like stealing, getting paid for nothing.

The line disappeared at long last and I sank back into the desk chair, finally able to relax my fixed smile into a one that didn't make my cheeks ache. It was that exact moment that delicate fingers raked through the back of my freshly trimmed hair and feelings I tried hard to deny surged through my body.

Jade slid onto the desk in front of me. She knocked my glasses askew as she stroked my cheek, then let her fingers linger as she straightened them.

God, she was beautiful.

I sat looking up at her thinking about laying my head down on her lap and just letting her touch me like she had the other night. Not that I remembered much about that night, in fact, I remembered frighteningly little about it, but I remembered her gentle touch. I wished I could just have her, just keep this pretty girl who almost admitted that she loved me, but stole the words back before they could change anything. I wished I could just open up and tell her what my problem was, but I couldn't.

"So, are you going to tell me how the interview went, or are you just going to sit there looking at me with those puppy eyes until I am forced to throw myself into your lap and kiss you."

"Right here?" I grinned.

"Stop! Do not smile at me like that, Jesse! I will kiss you right here and make a big scene about it too," she teased.

"You actress types are good at that sort of thing, right?"

"And you lawyer types are good at being difficult."

"The interview went pretty well. They want me to come back and meet the partners."

"Oh My Gosh, Jesse! That's great!" she squealed as she slid from the desk and threw her arms around my neck.

I winced at the sudden movement.

"You wore shoes to the interview, didn't you," she said, narrowing her hazel eyes at me, knowing full well that I obviously would have done that. "Jesse, you have to let it heal, Baby, you have to."

"I'm wearing the boot now. Lisa is desperately trying to keep me out of the back. Can't that be enough for right now," I asked softly.

Jade nodded and ran her fingers up through my hair again. "Yes. Yes it can. What firm was it?"

"Corwinn and Bankston on Fifty-seventh."

"Oh," she said sort of shortly. Then she abruptly changed the subject. "You want something to drink? I can bring you something."

"I'm fine."

"I don't know why I bother asking first. I always get the same answer."

"Sorry. I don't want you to have to wait on me."

"I wait on people all the time. Taking care of you is different. Will you come over tonight? I would really like it if you would."

"Jade..."

"Don't say no, Jesse."

I just nodded. I was going to let her down at some point, but maybe it didn't have to be tonight.

CHAPTER 7 - JESSE:

I was one of those people who really tried to keep my problems to myself. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, their pity made me feel ashamed.

I was healthy.

I had all my faculties.

I could have been easier on myself and deferred some of my loans, but I knew from my parents' situation that the future could change in an instant and I was afraid of living under that burden.

And it's true; the future can change for better or for worse in a single moment.

Sometimes it's magic.

Sometimes it's a careless coworker and a broken foot.

I didn't have any insurance and a trip to the hospital was easily going to cost a thousand dollars that I didn't have.

The accident happened the night of my previous failure at an interview. The firm had been so posh that I was afraid to sit down in the lobby. Just the way the receptionist looked at me I knew I did not have a chance, and I stood there wondering why they even bothered to call me in.

Anyway, saying that interview went badly was definitely understating the facts. I hadn't wanted the job from the moment I met my potential boss, but I was still upset about the things she said and the way she said them.

I was disheartened to say the least. I was back in the place that the haughty lawyer had referred to as both menial and insignificant, and though I thought it showed a good deal of consistency and dedication she'd pretty much said that it was an embarrassment to have it listed on my resume. Needless to say, in my aggravated yet humbled state of mind, I probably wasn't paying close enough attention to my surroundings in the stockroom and that lapse cost me.

For the first week I tried to pretend it wasn't that bad. I said my foot was just bruised, even though it was so swollen I could hardly get it into my sneakers and I had to keep the laces really loose. The pain was so bad it was actually nauseating, but no one else needed to know that.

Jade had not been in the store very much that week. She was in the last semester of her senior year and she was in some sort of show that was in dress rehearsals. Yes, I'd known her for a long time. No, I did not know what sort of show she was doing. Honestly, she'd been in the periphery of my life for nearly a year and a half, and I didn't even know her last name. I had made an extreme effort not to get involved with her even though she was beautiful and sweet; she fed me on a semi-regular basis and looked at me with her big eyes like I was some sort of fantasy. I suspected she purposely hid a sandwich somewhere in the back of the cooler just so she could give it to me at the end of the night. We had coffee together on at least a few times each week, but I never asked her personal questions.

Never.

It would have been so easy to take her in my arms, to kiss her mouth, to dance to the piped in, seventies music in that empty stock room, and feel the joy of touching someone, of being touched by someone.

But then what?

How could I make it work when I barely had time to sleep, and rarely had money to feed myself?

She came back to work on Sunday. Well, actually, she was already behind the counter in the cafe when I walked in. And by walked in, I really mean that I lurched in like a zombie dragging my useless foot behind me, because lifting it and then having to set it back down was roughly the equivalent of walking over burning coals. The store was bigger than it had ever been. It seemed to take an hour to cross the sales floor. Every other person in the world was moving like some deity had his finger on the fast forward button.

I would have given my left arm for a fist full of Advil.

I pulled out my time card out of its slot and Jade plucked it from my fingers. She spun, punched it and slid it back into its happy place.

"How did your dress rehearsal go?" I asked with a smile that most likely looked like a grimace.

"Fine. What happened to you?"

"What?"

"Come on! Please tell me. You can hardly walk. What happened to you? You look terrible."

"It's nice to see you too," I laughed.

"Jesse, please!" she pleaded, looking like she might cry.

"It was just an accident. I got a box dropped on my foot."

"Did you get it looked at? Is it broken?"

"No."

"You didn't get it looked at?" she gasped.

"It'll be fine. It's just going to take a few weeks."

"No! It's not going to be fine! You can hardly walk. You need to have it x-rayed."

"Jade, I really appreciate your concern but I..."

"You appreciate my concern? I'm not just going to butt out, Jesse! This is serious. You need to get it checked. If it's broken and you don't get it set..."

And then I lost it.

"I know!" I shouted. "I'll always have problems with it. I'll probably have to surgery sometime. I know! I don't have insurance. I can't afford to do anything about it right now, okay? There I said it. I just have to suck it up for a few weeks and hope for the best," I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. "I have to get to work." I snapped and I limped away. I was in pain, so much pain. She was pushing me. I had to admit I was too poor to get my damned foot looked at, to this girl that I really liked, who I obviously couldn't ask out because I was so broke I couldn't even get my foot, which I knew damned well was broken, looked at. I snapped at her for being concerned about me, which just made me feel like a complete jerk. But I walked out toward the stock room without giving any thought to the pain because really, everything hurt. My whole life just hurt.

I threw myself in a chair and sat hunched over with my face in my hands.

I didn't even notice that she'd followed me.

"Jesse, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I really didn't. I don't like seeing you in pain," she said quietly and she gently stroked my hair.

"I didn't mean to take it out on you. It's not your fault. Please forgive me."

"You don't need to apologize. I crossed a line. I couldn't help it, I've never seen you look like that."

"Can we just not talk about my foot? You didn't tell me how your rehearsal went."

She shrugged and she slumped a little. "It was okay, I guess. I don't know. I did my best. I just wish..."

"What do you wish?"

"Nothing. It's stupid," she sighed. "Here, I brought you an apple juice. It's sort of like an apology, but fruity and thirst quenching. It's better than an apology really, because it's a hundred percent natural."

I started to laugh. I laughed really hard. So hard, that I did actually forget about the pain, which could only mean that laughter actually was the best medicine. "Thanks Jade. I needed that. I really did."

She nodded and she walked away, but she was hurt and that was my fault.

She showed up the next day right at the end of my day shift. She stood looking at me for a solid minute and then without a word, she shoved an envelope into my hands.

"What's this?"

"Please don't get mad at me, Jesse. It's what you need to get your foot taken care of. I made an appointment."

"I can't take your money, Jade."

"I don't need the money. Please do this."

"I can't. I know how many hours you have to work for this..."

"No. You don't."

"Jade, it's too much," I said holding the envelope out to her.

"Damn it Jesse! It's nothing!" she exclaimed as tears filled her pretty eyes. "It is absolutely nothing. Don't you understand? I don't need the money! I go to Julliard. Mother and Daddy pay for everything. I didn't even audition, they just made some phone calls. They come see my shows and bring their fancy friends, they tell me how great I am, but am I? I don't even know if I have any talent. I came to work here to meet some real people, see what real people are like. And working is hard. I've never done anything hard. Having to stand up there and smile at rude people just sucks. I have wanted to quit probably a hundred times. But there's this guy that works in the back and he has the most beautiful smile. He's nice to people just because that's his nature. He comes here and he works his ass off. He hardly ever notices me, but I think he's amazing. I know his life is hard, but I don't know why it's so hard. I also know there is nothing I wouldn't do for him," she said as I stood gaping. "So, that's my stupid story. I stay just to be near you. I don't need the money. I need you. I love..." she stopped. She just froze there for a moment then she turned and ran.

"Jade!" I yelled after her.

She didn't stop.

"Please Jade! I can't chase you! Don't do this to me!" I cried out as I attempted to follow her. She stopped, but she just stood there, shoulders slumped, chin dropped, most likely crying.

"I didn't mean to say that. I know you don't think about me that way. It just slipped out."

I reached out to her and gently turned her to face me. She was so beautiful, so delicate. I swept those blonde bangs away from her face and tilted her chin up. And then I kissed her.

I swear I heard angels singing when my mouth met hers.

I didn't want to stop. I didn't ever want to break that connection, lose that moment. But a first kiss was supposed to be somewhere beautiful, a perfect moment that lives in your memories forever and I didn't even give her that.

"I do think about you that way Jade. I've been thinking about you that way for a long time, but I have nothing to offer you."

She looked up at me like she didn't understand my words, then she pressed her cheek against my chest. "Why can't you just give me that?" she asked, pressing her hand to my heart.

"Because I'm a coward. A broken foot will heal in four weeks, maybe six. But a broken heart never does."

"I would be so careful with it."

"I know you would, Baby. I know that, but the ending..."

"No! I won't hear about the ending when I haven't even gotten a beginning!"

"I already screwed up the beginning pretty badly," I sighed.

"Really? Because I thought the kiss was pretty spectacular."

She said it with a completely straight face, without even a hint of jest, and even though she wasn't joking, I began to laugh. "I've wanted that kiss for a long time, Jade, but a first kiss should be somewhere beautiful. It should be so romantic. It should be the perfect ending to a night you never want to forget. It shouldn't be in the stockroom after I've just been a complete jerk to the girl I've been thinking about for nearly a year and a half."

"I've been to a lot of beautiful places, Jesse. I've never been kissed like that. I've never wanted to be kissed by someone so badly in all my life. This stockroom may be the most perfect place in the whole world." She ran her fingers up into my hair and gazed at me with those big hazel eyes. She already had my heart. I couldn't say the words, but maybe she could see them in my eyes because she pressed her lips to mine and what was there was magic.

The music was so loud in my head that I would have swept her into a waltz if I my stupid foot had not been completely useless. I pressed my forehead to hers.

She gasped. She didn't pull away. She just listened.

"Can you hear that, Jesse? Did you do that?"

I nodded.

"That's... How did you know?"

"It's been in my head since the day we met, the day you gave me the first sandwich."

"That must mean something. It must. Give me a chance, Jesse. Let me take you to this appointment and help you through this one thing. It would mean so much to me."

"Okay," I nodded. "I will pay..."

"Don't you say it. Don't you dare say it. I don't what this to be a debt. I want it to be a start, a partnership. Why don't you clock out and I'll pick you up at the back entrance."

"You don't have to go with me. I will go, I promise," I smiled.

"I know you will, but if they have to give you pain meds to set the bone, you're going to need a ride." she said seriously.

"You seem to know a lot about this sort of thing."

"I broke my leg skiing a couple years ago. They didn't set it very well initially, and when I got back, Dr. Kline had to break again to reset it. It was not a great experience. He's a great doctor though. I don't have any problems with it now."

And just like that her insistence made sense.

My reluctance to be with this beautiful girl who cared this much about me was absurd.

"I'll meet you around back."

She walked away and I just watched her go. I could be with her. I could be happy for a while. I could. I wanted this so much.

But when it ended, it would hurt.

Badly.

CHAPTER 8 - JESSE:

"What's your last name, Jade?" I asked sheepishly as I sat there watching her navigate the busy city streets.

"Hartzog," she answered with a quick glance at me. She looked surprised for an instant, but then her expression changed and she just looked sad. "What do you know about me, Jesse?"

"Nothing. Not a single thing. I'm sorry. I really made an extreme effort to stay out of your life. I never looked at your time card or asked what your major was. I never asked what sort shows you were in. I knew you were a student at Julliard, but that was just another reason to stay away."

"Because of your last girlfriend?"

I looked away out the window. "What do you know about me?"

"Everything I could find out from our coworkers. I know you put yourself through school. I know she was dancer. I wish she hadn't broken your heart."

"She didn't break my heart. I did."

Jade pulled into the parking lot of a fancy medical tower and she parked. "Jesse, would you tell me the story later? I would really like to know."

* * *

The waiting room was empty. It was late in the day for appointments, and the receptionist handed me a sheet to fill out as she chatted with Jade. A guy in scrubs came to the door, told Jade the doctor was waiting for us, and took us right to an examination room.

The doctor came in wearing a dress shirt and a silk tie. He had a heavy school ring on one hand and a thick wedding band on the other.

He was a successful, professional man.

I envied him for a moment and then immediately felt bad that this man in his nice clothes was going to have to deal with my foot.

He hugged Jade. He called her BeBe, for some reason that I did not know and it sort of underscored how little I knew about her. But every time our eyes met, I heard that music in my head, that tiny bit of precognition was obviously telling me something, the same thing Ani told me as we watched the sun set in The White Room: grab on to her, don't let go.

And just as I was about to bury my thoughts in justifications as to why holding on to Jade was such a terrible idea, Dr. Kline turned and shook my hand. He made a bit of small talk as I took my shoe off, but the pain of actually manipulating the foot to get it out of the shoe, stole my mind away from the conversation. I could feel Jade, though. Or maybe I could hear her; her thoughts, her emotions. I could feel her distress at seeing my pain and her desire to heal me. All of me, not just my foot. I could actually feel that she loved me.

Dr. Kline let out a long slow breath. "What in the name of God was in the box that fell on your foot?"

"Books. Hardbacks. A new shipment of a brand new release, ironically, it was a comedy."

He laughed.

Someday, I thought, retrospect might actually make that funny in my mind too. This was not that day; at least it was not at that moment when Dr. Kline's fingers were probing my foot. There did not seem to be any doubt at all that my foot was broken. I was secretly holding on to some hope that he might say it was a bad bruise, maybe a hairline fracture, but no, his exact words were, 'let's get an x-Ray and see how bad a break we're looking at.'

The results were not good and yet, not as bad as Dr. Kline seemed to think they would be. He asked me if I was allergic to any medications. I had no idea but I said no. He gave me some sort of injection to ease the pain and told Jade I was going to need to be watched for the next twelve hours. She was holding my hand tight and told him earnestly that she would watch me.

Our eyes met.

The drugs began to kick in very quickly.

I don't remember him actually setting the bone.

CHAPTER 9 - JADE:

Damn.

Why did every single thing have to be so complicated?

I was in love with a guy who may have had some feelings for me. He held back for reasons that I was still only guessing at, but obviously were related to a broken heart and his financial situation. And if that wasn't enough to smother this not-even-a-week-old relationship that I'd been dreaming about for so long, now he'd interviewed with my father's law firm and he was going back for a second interview to meet the partners.

I was thrilled for him.

I could guarantee him that job by making a few phone calls, but I knew Jesse. If he found out that I'd done that, he'd turn down the position and that would be the end of any possibility of us being a real couple. The problem was that even if I did nothing, when he found out that my father was a partner he would probably think I got him the job anyway based on the few things I told him about my life.

It seemed like this was a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation for me.

I'd asked him to come over after work and I was pacing my apartment wondering what I should tell him and thinking about the things that happened when Dr. Kline had him drugged up.

* * *

I took him back to my place. I could have taken him home, but I didn't exactly know where he lived or what his living situation was. I mean, I knew he lived in an apartment not too far from the bookstore, but I didn't know if he had roommates or how many. I didn't know if there would be anything to feed him. I knew he lived on an extremely tight budget, I just didn't know why.

Anyway, I told Dr. Kline that I would watch over him and that was exactly what I was going to do.

Clearly Jesse had never done drugs.

I mean, I had never done any sort of illegal drugs either, but I had Morphine a few times, and some heavy-duty narcotic painkillers for the broken leg incident. My dentist also believed quite strongly in using nitrous oxide for even routine procedures. I sort of knew what to expect when I was taking those drugs. Jesse probably hadn't taken so much as an aspirin since he left his parents' house. The drugs Dr. Kline gave him were too strong for someone who'd most likely never even been drunk.

The sound it made when Dr. Kline set the bone made me queasy. I was actually thankful in that moment that I had been sedated when he had to reset my leg. By the time we left the office Jesse wasn't feeling any pain. He was staring at me like he was dreaming.

I was staring back because he was my dream.

Dr. Kline gave me all the instructions for caring for his foot because he was not in a state where he would remember. And then I took him back to my place.

He was fine for about the first thirty minutes. He sat on the sofa staring into space and then he turned to me, and asked, "Why did the doctor call you BeBe?"

"Because my real name is Bianca."

"Bianca. That's a pretty name. Bianca."

"Thanks."

"Jade, I think you're beautiful."

"You do?"

"Yes. I love your long hair and the way your eyes look at me," he paused. "Who is Bianca?"

I began to laugh. "I am."

"Oh. Why do I call you Jade?"

"I prefer Jade."

"My name is Jesse."

"I know. I like your name, Jesse."

He looked happy. He didn't seem to be in pain.

He also didn't seem to notice that he was at my place.

Then he started acting funny.

He was thirsty. I gave him water. I tried to feed him, but he said he had no appetite. He looked around like he'd realized he didn't know where he was but he didn't say anything about that. Suddenly he started to turn green.

"Is it really hot in here, Jade? I'm so hot."

And then he whipped his shirt off.

I swear time stopped.

"My God, Jesse, you are beautiful." I couldn't help myself. I just said it. I mean, I knew he was well muscled but my imagination did not do him justice. He was built like a God. Every inch of him was muscle. It was all I could do to keep my hands to myself even as he stood sweating and looking like he might faint.

"I'm a nobody, Jade. I'm so stupid. You're always good to me and I am just stubborn," he paused. "Where is my shirt?"

"You just took it off a second ago because you were hot."

"It's so hot. Why is that music so loud?"

"What music?"

"That music, the music that's always playing. It's so loud."

"I don't hear it, Jesse," I said as I tried to sit him back down.

"Oh no, I think I'm going to be sick," he gasped and he tensed up.

I took him down the hall toward the bathroom, but when we passed my room he asked if he could just lie down for a while.

And there was the man I'd been dreaming of for sixteen months laying in my bed.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply for a few moments as I watched him. His color got a little better.

I got a damp washcloth, took off his glasses and laid the cool cloth across his forehead.

I went to the kitchen, got the trashcan and some water just in case he got sick. I gently took the boot off his leg and set it aside.

Then I sat down on the bed and watched him.

He looked like he was asleep but then he suddenly started talking.

"How did I get here?" he mumbled.

I began to answer him, but he kept talking, like he was talking to someone else.

"Is she here? Why? I haven't ever come here when she wasn't here. I don't know how to get to this place. Wish for it. I don't have that magic. Yes, she told me, but that was different, she made it happen."

He was having a conversation I didn't understand, and I wished I knew what was going on in his head.

And suddenly, I did. I was in whatever the dream was that he was having. Jesse was pacing a place that looked like what I might have imagined the inside of a cloud to look like. There was a very small, old lady sitting there watching him, but she noticed me and smiled then she pressed her finger to her lips.

"What happened to you, Miel?" the lady asked.

"That's what my great-grandma used to call me. How did you know that? Is this just because of the drugs the doctor gave me?"

"It's a common term of endearment where we come from. What happened to you?"

"It was an accident. I broke my foot."

"And where are you now in your reality?"

He looked at her blankly. "I'm at a friend's apartment, I think."

My heart sank. Obviously he did not think of me the way I though of him, regardless of what he said in the stock room.

"Just a friend?" the lady asked.

He fidgeted. Then he sat and dropped his face into his hands. "God I wish it could be more than that. I wish that more than anything in the world."

"Why do you hold back? Make it what it is supposed to be."

Jesse startled violently in the bed and just like that I was awake. He was lying there shivering. I pulled the blanket over him and held him until the shaking stopped. I wanted to know more about what had just happened to him but he was fast asleep.

I sat, reading a book that I still had to read for homework, until finally my eyes drifted closed and I fell asleep beside him.

Morning came and he sat up, probably too quickly.

I startled awake.

"Where am I? Where are my glasses? What happened?"

I pushed him back down to the pillow gently and reached over him for his glasses. "You're fine, Baby," I said as I slid them into place. But he looked at me like he was terrified.

"I don't remember anything. Why am I undressed? Did we..."

"Jesse, nothing happened. Nothing. I promise you. Dr. Kline gave you a really strong painkiller when he set your foot. He said you needed to be watched because the drugs might make you sick."

"Did I get sick?"

"No. Almost. You got really hot. You took your shirt off. But then you just wanted to lie down."

He let out a long slow breath and relaxed just a little. "I'm sorry, Jade, I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"Every time I open my mouth I must break your heart a little. You can do so much better than me."

"But I want you. I want us."

He looked at me for a long time. "I'm going to hurt you. I want this too, Jade, but I..."

"Can we just think about today and not what might happen in a week or a month? Can we just hold on to each other and be happy for little while?"

"Okay. This has got to be the worst start for a relationship in the history of mankind. I think the only thing that could have made this beginning any worse would have been actually getting sick last night. Did I do anything stupid that I should know about?" he sighed.

"No. You were sweet. You were a little out of it. You said I was beautiful."

"You are beautiful..."

And then my one perfect memory was cut short by the knocking on my door.

My heart raced.

I still didn't know what I should tell him.

CHAPTER 10 - JESSE:

The guarded high from the moderate success of my interview was not enough to change anything. I wanted this job. I needed this because if I couldn't find a way to succeed here, then the past seven years of my life had been an exercise in futility. I mean, not really. If I couldn't find a way to succeed in the city, the sacrifices I made here were going to be the only thing that kept me afloat. If I had to go back to Ohio and take a state job with all of that debt hanging over my head I would never, ever have been able to get out from under it.

That was not the life my father wanted for me.

It was not a life I could ask a beautiful woman to commit to either.

Jade asked me to come over after work and I knew I shouldn't. I knew that I was playing with fire. I knew that if I kissed her, the temptation to just take her in my arms and make love to her would be as great as my need to breathe. I also knew she wouldn't stop me. I couldn't even buy her dinner and she would let me have the most intimate parts of her.

But knowing I should stay away wasn't enough to actually keep me away. So there I was standing outside her building and a moment later I was knocking on her door.

"I wasn't sure this day would ever come, Jesse. I wasn't sure I would ever open this door and see you standing there."

"I wasn't sure I would ever be standing here, but I couldn't stay away."

She pulled me inside, gently, carefully avoiding my injured foot. Then she ran her fingers into my hair, pulled me close and kissed me. It might have been a moment. I could have stayed there forever. Jade was pressed against me and my arms longed to keep her there. They practically twitched with desire to hold her tight to me until she was part of me.

And that music played inside me.

My heart beat in time.

How could this have happened to me? I was in absolutely no position to have this piece of Heaven.

She looked at me with eyes filled with love and I probably looked at her like I was terrified of being near her.

"How was the night shift? Is your foot feeling any better?"

"I wore the boot the whole time," I smiled. "It feels about as good as it can feel."

"Why don't you sit and put it up for a while?" she said as she led me to the sofa.

"I want to kiss you again, Jade."

"I want that very badly, Jesse," she answered softly.

And yet, she looked sad.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No!" she answered. "Yes. I don't know."

"Jade, if I hurt you, please tell me."

"When you were here the other night, you were sort of talking in your sleep. You said I was a friend. Just a friend. Do you think this could be a relationship? Do you think about me like that?"

"I think about you like that. I'm afraid to think of this as a relationship because you and I are from different worlds."

"Is that what happened with your last relationship?"

I swallowed hard. "Yes."

"You said that she didn't break your heart, you did. I don't understand."

"She was standing in the doorway of her future. She was about to be a star and I couldn't even buy her a birthday present."

"Who was she?"

"Her name is Anika Rossi."

Jade's eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. Then she slumped back into the sofa. "My God. I can't compete with that."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Anika Rossi? The dancer who is on every playbill in Lincoln Center? She's not only famous; she's practically a super model. She's the cover girl of American Ballet. I'm like a stick figure hanging next to a Picasso."

"Don't you say that. Don't say that. It's not like that at all. Ani was beautiful, but that wasn't why I loved her. Do you know what precognition is?"

"That's like seeing the future, isn't it?"

"Yes, but it can be more than that. Sometimes you can hear people's thoughts. Sometimes you can go into their dreams."

She tilted her head a little and looked at me. "You can do that, can't you?"

"I have a very small gift, Jade. I can hear numbers, whenever people around me have things related to numbers on their mind, I can hear it. Sometimes I can see things in dreams and they happen. Ani has precognition too, but on a much greater scale than mine. What she has is magic. And when we were together, we could do things I never would have imagined were possible. I met her on the worst day of my life, but just meeting the magic girl that I saw in my dreams turned everything around for me. For three months I was happy and sad. I never got to take her on a real date. I never made love to her. All she wanted was to be near me, she didn't care that we spent our time sitting on a bench on a busy street corner or in the pseudo reality she could create in our dreams. Then the fall semester came and I had to go. I had to let her go because she was about to be all those things you said she was and I couldn't even afford to get on the bus and visit her. I broke the magical bond. And I hurt her the same way I'll wind up hurting you in the end."

"Why does it have to end, Jesse?"

"Because you belong on Broadway and I am never going to get a foot in the door in this city."

"I don't believe that, Jesse. You have a second interview tomorrow. That's something, isn't it?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know. It was my sixth interview, Jade. It took six tries to get someone to be interested in me as a person and tomorrow I'm going to have try to get all the partners to overlook that fact that I have no internships, I have no connections and my letters of recommendation are from professors not Congressmen.

I unload shipment in a bookstore. I have no skills that would make me worth taking a chance on and Mr. Coleman even told me my resume was too thin. The one skill I do possess that would make me a great candidate for a contract lawyer is the one thing I can't tell anyone about because it makes me certifiably insane."

"Jesse..."

"I'm afraid Jade."

"Of what?"

"Everything. I can't stay here working in the bookstore and hoping for a break. I put my whole life on hold for seven years. Seven years of working myself to death, sleeping on floors, whatever it took and it's going to have been for nothing because the fancy diploma and the high test scores aren't enough. I'm going to have to go back to Ohio. I'll wind up in some county prosecutor's office making pennies. And that's not a life I can ask you to be part of, so I'm going to lose this one thing that could make me happy and it's going to hurt."

"I could help you, Jesse. If you need letters, I can get..."

"I can't ask people who don't even know me to recommend me for a job."

"Do you think everyone who gets those letters knows the senators and attorneys general who write them? If that's what your competition has..."

"I don't want to start a career on a lie."

"I know," she sighed. "I knew you would say that. But I don't want lose you. My whole life is just exactly like the people your competing against. I'm the person who gets the breaks because I have powerful parents, and I don't know if I've ever deserved any of them. It's an easy life, but it's terrible way to live, Jesse. I have every material thing I could want. But I'm just faking my way through because I've never had to earn a thing. I've never even had to try to be successful. I could get you the letters. I could back you completely because you've earned every grade and every dollar that paid every loan. I know you're worth the chance."

"But they would still be a lie. Someone who'd never met me would still be writing a letter that wasn't true."

Jade dropped her head. "I would go to Ohio if you would ask. I know you won't ask me though."

"Who are your parents?"

"My father is a lawyer, my mother is Lieutenant Governor."

"Lieutenant Governor?" he gasped.

"Yes. I'm the token child of the golden power couple. I could get you job anywhere you wanted. I don't think that would make you happy. I think you'd just feel like you owed me something and I'm already afraid that you're only here because you feel like you owe me. You're the one thing I wanted to earn. I wanted this to be something real. I don't know what real feels like," she said quietly as she sat wringing her hands.

I reached over and pulled her into my arms and I kissed her. I kissed her slowly. I let my mouth explore every aspect of hers: the way she tasted, the way she moved, and every breath she shared with me. She was so real to me. If I had enough hope to let myself dream, I could see a whole future in her arms, because she loved me all this time. This beautiful woman, who could have anything she wanted, fed me on nights when I would have gone hungry and took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself.

I wasn't an idiot. I knew the music that played in my head for her. I knew she was the one Ani told me to hold onto no matter how hard it seemed. But I couldn't share those thoughts with her for the same reason I couldn't say the words to Ani. I had nothing to offer her. Nothing.

"Jesse," she whispered as she pressed her cheek to my chest, "will you stay the night?"

"I shouldn't."

"You should. I know you aren't ready to make love, but lying beside you, watching you sleep, was the happiest I have ever been in my life."

"Jade, why are you alone? I don't understand how such a beautiful woman doesn't have someone..."

"Because Bianca Hartzog is a socialite. She's a step on a political ladder. The men that want to be with me don't care about me. They care about my family line and what an alliance can do for them. I don't want be that. I can't be that. I can't live that way, Jesse."

"Bianca. It's a pretty name. But you don't have to be Bianca for me. I'll hold you all night if that can be enough, if that can be what you need."

"It's exactly what I need."

CHAPTER 11 - JADE:

There really was nothing like the feeling of lying pressed against Jesse. I'd dated before. I'd had flings. Those experiences were nothing like lying beside this man who filled my heart. He had his shirt off and his eyes closed. His breathing was slow and deep, but sleep hadn't taken him yet and his fingers were still gently stroking my back as I listened to his heart beat.

"Jesse?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you come see the opening of my show? You don't have to if you don't want to, I just have some tickets and I thought..."

"I would love to see your show, Baby," he whispered.

"Jesse?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you tell me if I wasn't good?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"I can't imagine you not being amazing. But if you're really terrible, I will find a way to distract you every time you try to ask my opinion."

"Oh yeah? How exactly would you do that?" I laughed as I lay beside him, chin pressed into his shoulder.

"I have some ideas," he opened his eyes and smiled.

"When you smile at me like that, I have ideas too."

He closed his eyes again and pulled me tighter against him.

"You really wouldn't tell me? I thought you would."

"Don't I disappoint you enough? Can't I just be the guy who watches in awe and cheers? I don't think any director would give a part to someone who couldn't be the character. I think you probably have more talent than you give yourself credit for, and I just want be able to support you at something."

"Jesse, you don't disappoint me. I asked you to come here and you came. I love those afternoons when you take your break with me. Sometimes I can't even remember what we talked about because I sit there thinking _'I can't believe he's sitting here with me.'_ I wish this could be a real relationship, but I understand why it's stuck in limbo. I don't know why your life is so hard. I wish I could help you. I can be patient. Nothing would make me happier than for you to be the person who sits in the audience and applauds."

"I can be that, Jade," he said softly. "My father wanted me to be a lawyer. He didn't want me to be doing manual labor my whole life. He and my mother were so proud when I got accepted to Fordham. He told everyone. I mean literally everyone. And then my mother got sick. Even with the insurance my parents had, the bills were overwhelming. It buried them. The one thing that kept my father looking toward the future was that I was going to get out of there and make a better life for myself.

I just didn't see how that was possible. How could I just go away and leave them when they were struggling like that? They were so underwater they were in danger of losing the house. My father couldn't work as many hours because my mother needed care and everything fell apart. I was going to decline my acceptance or at least defer it. I was going to get a job and help him pay the bills, but he wouldn't hear of it. He said it was not my problem to handle and that I needed to get out of there. So while he was struggling to keep his life together and take care of my mother, he also spoke with the financial aid counselors and they took pity on him. At that point, I had to go. I couldn't disappoint him when my success was the only thing holding him together. Seven years later, I still haven't found that success. I know my father is proud, but I still feel overwhelmed. I'm still putting every dime toward the last of my loans. And breaking my foot is just like the universe laughing at me, like I am never going to get my head above the water. I feel like everything is out of my control. The one thing I know about my future, the one thing I know I'm supposed to do, scares the hell out of me because failure would be the end of everything worth dreaming about."

"Jesse, I had no idea it was that hard. How could you manage that much pressure and still stand in the store with a smile on your face?"

"Because you're in the store Jade."

I laughed. "That's sweet. It's a lie, but it's sweet. You were this man long before you ever met me."

"Maybe, but I haven't been as happy as I am right now in a long time."

"I haven't been this happy either. Don't stop dreaming about that future, Jesse. Hold on to whatever that dream is. You're future is out there. I wish I could help you reach it."

"I didn't mean to burden you with my sob story."

I couldn't help myself. I began to laugh. "Burden me? You shared something with me, something really private. You let me in to your world, Jesse. You gave me an answer to all of my wondering about why you stay away, why you're alone. I think you are amazing, the most incredible person I've ever met. I know you're going to be a success."

"Thanks," he yawned. He curled his body around mine and we lay like two spoons together. Sleep took him right away, but I lay there with my back pressed against him wishing I could be his dream, wishing I could be the thing that got him through the tough times.

Wishing I could be his future.

"Really Jade?"

"Hmm?"

"Open your eyes," he whispered."

I did, but I couldn't seem to see anything but whiteness. "Where are we, Jesse?"

"This is the place between reality and dreams. This how the precognition works. This is The White Room. I haven't been here since Ani brought me here, but I think you wished for something and this place can grant wishes."

"The White Room. Fitting name. Jesse, you were here one other time. You were here last time you stayed with me."

"How do you know that? I don't have any memory of that."

"Well, you were pretty out it from the drugs but I made the same wish I made tonight. I saw you here but you were talking to an old lady who called you Miel."

"My great-grandmother used to call me that."

"What does it mean?"

"Something like _'Little Lamb'_ I think. What did you wish for that brought us here, Jade?"

"I wished I could be your dream. I always wish that," I said quietly.

He took my hand, pulled me to my feet and smiled. "Okay, so now you know you're my dream, what are you going to do about it?"

He had this smile that made me go weak in the knees. He was absolutely gorgeous and I was standing there like a fool just gaping at him.

He leaned in close, swept his lips across mine and whispered in my ear, "show me what you dream."

Just like that the place changed and we were standing in the stock room at the bookstore. Every detail was exactly right. Even the old piped in music was exactly the song that fueled my daydreams. It was a ballad by Boz Scaggs that made goose bumps run down my arms and butterflies fill my stomach. By the end of the second stanza I would be putty in his hands. And God, how I wanted him to touch me! Seriously love, look what you have done to me. How could one song define all I wanted in my life? How could one man become my whole world when we weren't really even a couple?

Jesse took my hand in his, wrapped his arm around me and we began to dance.

"You could wish for any place in the world and we're in the stockroom?"

"Every time this song comes on, I wish for this moment, Jesse. I dream of this moment. Sometimes I stand in that doorway just to see you, and imagine having the courage to do this. When you kissed me here, it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me in all of my life. I know that it wasn't what you wanted, but it was perfect to me."

"I did want that, Jade. I'd wanted that kiss since the first time you spoke to me. I don't deserve you. I can't take care of you. And yet, I can't stop wanting you."

"I don't need you to take care of me. I just want you to want to be with me." He spun me around and pulled me in close to his body again. "How are you doing this? Doesn't it hurt your foot?"

He laughed. "Wishes, Jade. I wished it wasn't broken and here, now, it isn't. You can wish for almost anything here."

"Almost?"

"I think general wishing principles apply. You can have anything you want here, but you can't change the real world."

"I can't make you love me."

"I already love you."

"This is a definitely just a dream, you wouldn't say that if we were awake."

"Jade, if I were in a position to make a life with you, I would be holding on to you so tightly. I would never let go. Look, tonight we can do anything, let's have tonight and maybe tomorrow will take care of itself. He closed his eyes for a moment and everything around us changed.

"Are we in Greece?" I gasped.

"Yes. I'm not sure which island this is. It's the front cover of a travel book, and it looks so beautiful, so romantic. I stop and look at the picture every time I walk past that section in the store. I would like to see this place someday."

"It is beautiful. Look how blue the water is, Jesse."

"I've never seen anything like it. Do you want to watch the sun set over the water?"

"You can do that?"

"This place is magic. It can do anything."

And just like that, the sky began to darken through the rainbow tones of sunset. Jesse stood behind me with his arms tight around me and his mouth pressed to my neck. I wanted him like I have never wanted anything in my life. My whole body burned for him.

"We can go anywhere in the world," he said as he laced his fingers into mine and we began to walk. The sky was still that magical shade of twilight, but the scenery changed. There were lush, green, rolling hills, as we stood high upon some sort of lookout tower. To our right the cobbled stone path continued on indefinitely, to the left there were steep stairs that led down to another part of the path. Crenellated walls lined the way on both sides. The building behind us was brick and mortar, but the ornate rooflines were a dead giveaway for our location.

I turned slowly, taking in the scene as Jesse watched me and smiled.

"I am fairly sure this is part of the Ming Dynasty reconstruction. It's a more modern part of the wall, all things considered."

"It's fantastic, Jesse."

"You look fantastic, Jade."

And I looked down at myself. I was wearing a deep violet purple Cheongsam with gold thread work and bright, embroidered flowers. It hugged my body like it had been painted on, but it was beautiful. "I wish I could keep this!" I laughed. "I can't believe we are standing on The Great Wall of China."

"We can go anywhere your fantasy wants to take us. It's your turn now. Show me, Jade."

My imagination wasn't nearly as exotic as Jesse's. I wished we were at my grandparents' cabin, lying on the plush rug before a roaring fire.

And in the blink of an eye, we were.

Jesse was shirtless and beautiful. I was facing him, our legs twisted together in an eternal knot. We were touching each other gently, intimately. Our mouths were made to be joined together. I could feel the hardness of his desire. It wasn't sex, but it might have been love and all I could do was pray that if there was a God who controlled fate that he would have mercy on us and let us have a future together out in the real world.

Alas, reality took us from the comfort of that cozy fire as the new morning crept through my windows.

Jesse had to go prepare for his interview. He was hopeful, but very tight-lipped about it as he kissed me goodbye.

And I stood there in fear that it might actually be goodbye.

I didn't tell him my father was one of the partners.

I should have told him.

If I had, there was a good chance he would have cancelled his interview.

But not telling him was most likely going to destroy everything.

I wished I could just go back to that moment when he said that he loved me. I could have spent forever right there.

CHAPTER 12 - JESSE:

I really wasn't sure how to prepare for this interview. I didn't have anything new to share with the partners that I hadn't told Mr. Coleman and I did not know how I was going to get six strangers to like me enough to make such a huge decision and take a chance on my career in just thirty minutes.

I needed to make an incredibly stellar impression.

I really didn't want to wear the stupid boot.

I was fixating on the trivial so I could avoid thinking about waking up next to Jade. Honestly, I didn't have any memory of the first night I spent at her place. And when I got there and she opened the door, nothing seemed familiar because I am ridiculous. I had woken up beside this beautiful girl who took care of me and all I could think about was getting out there before I did something stupid that my heart and my body wanted but my brain knew would be a mistake.

But then she asked me to come back and I did.

It was one of the greatest nights of my life.

I don't know exactly why The White Room took us, or why it granted our wishes. I don't know why it was so easy to admit that I loved her while we were in that dream place when I knew she was right, I would not let those words escape my mouth in my current reality. I knew she was the one. I knew I was supposed to grab on to her, but how was I supposed to let go of the guilt of being a burden?

Maybe the whole debate would be moot in a few hours anyway.

I would either get the job and then I could justify starting a relationship with her.

Or I would not get the job and I would let her down as easily as I could while I started sending resumes back to Ohio.

I wasn't ready to go back to Ohio. Going back was a failure in my mind.

I needed this job.

I needed one more miracle.

* * *

The receptionist tapped my shoulder sharply with her long manicured nail at precisely two o'clock.

I startled. "Sorry, I guess I was a bit lost in my thoughts."

"No need to apologize," she smiled. "I've seen that happen a few times. They're a very nice group, no need to worry."

I thanked her as we walked down the marble hallway, but not toward Mr. Coleman's office. She took me to a conference room. Five of the six partners were already inside.

Introductions were made, firm handshakes and words of welcome were passed along.

None of the five men were named Corwinn or Bankston so if there were partners related to the founders they were clearly not sons. Not that the names or relationships mattered to me, it was just interesting.

Mr. Coleman waved me to a chair as the others all sat. "Well, it seems that Matt is still tied up, and since I know everyone is on a tight schedule, perhaps we should just start without him," he told them, casual smile easily fixed on his face.

I tried my best to ignore my throbbing foot and answer their questions honestly. I felt like, as a lawyer they were expecting me to embellish and exaggerate, but I really didn't want to come off as pompous when I had nothing to show for it. I hoped my straight-forwardness would sound like integrity.

Ten minutes into the interview, the door abruptly opened.

The man who rushed in was definitely the youngest of the partners. The numbers in his head said he was forty-eight, but he looked a good bit younger than that. He was thinking about a phone number and the number of minutes late he was, but he smiled and extended his hand to me as I rose to shake it.

"Sorry I'm late. My phone call simply would not end. I'm Matthew Hartzog."

"Jesse Ianescu," I started as I shook his hand, "it's nice to meet you, Sir." The words came out of my mouth, but really I was just staring at him.

He had bright hazel eyes.

I knew those eyes.

Hartzog was not a common name.

I knew her father was a lawyer. I was sitting there answering personal questions wondering if Jade had already convinced her father that I should get this job. Wondering how I could possibly accept this job knowing I did not earn it or deserve it. Wondering what this man was thinking about me as he listened to my answers.

Wondering if he knew I woke up with his daughter.

She did not tell me I'd be interviewing with her father.

How could she not tell me?

Keeping my attitude positive was becoming increasingly difficult with every glance at him. I tried to focus on Mr. Coleman, but between the thoughts I could hear from the others, and the flogging I was giving myself, holding it together seemed impossible.

At last it ended.

I say _'at last,'_ but the whole process was only thirty minutes. It just seemed eternal.

I shook hands, I thanked them and I made my way out if the building.

I immediately wrote off this firm and this job.

The April sun was warm, but not warm enough to account for the fire in my veins. I couldn't even accurately say which emotions were causing my discomfort. I had a whole portfolio to choose from: anger, embarrassment, betrayal, grief, just to name a few.

The pain in my foot was a welcome punishment for my stupidity.

I walked all the way back to my apartment in my dress shoes. My foot was killing me, but I didn't even care. I changed clothes. I was so angry I wanted to snub the stupid plastic boot just because I wouldn't have the damned thing if it weren't for Jade, but I knew that was idiotic and I'd only be hurting myself, so I put it on and left for work.

I was already late because of the futile interview, and clearly I was going to have to keep working in the bookstore until I figured out what to do next, so I could not just blow this whole day off and try to recover myself.

I began mentally tallying what it would cost me to get back to Ohio. I could stay with my parents for a while as I interviewed, but I had no car, no apartment, no furniture, just getting started in a new place was going to bury me all over again.

I'd probably need a second job.

I'd probably be stuck there forever.

I was going to have to scour the bulletin board at Fordham again and pray that there were some new options.

The closer I got to the store, the greater my angst became. I knew Jade was in there. I wasn't ready to see her. I needed to do a good bit of physical labor and try to de-stress before I spoke to her. Of course, my eyes were drawn to her the moment I opened the door. But I tore them away and walked through the store with my head down until I was in the safety of the stockroom.

It wasn't better. All I could think about was how being in there with me was what she wished for.

The music was playing all the old songs that hinted about what my life might have been, but I ignored them. The brothers Gibb sang Nights on Broadway and my thoughts could have been limited to leaving Ani all those years ago, but no, my brain would only go back as far as Ani telling me not give up, not to let go. I threw myself into the work so the pain of physical labor would smother my thoughts and the only pounding my heart would be doing would be caused by exertion and exhaustion.

It worked for a good half hour.

And then the song she wished for, the song that made me want to crawl into Jade's arms and just forget the whole rest of my life, began to play.

I could feel Jade standing in the doorway.

I could actually feel her wishing she could just have that dream for a little longer.

I could also feel her fear of what was going to happen next.

I didn't turn and look at her. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked as I continued to unpack the boxes.

"I thought if I told you, you'd cancel the interview. But I didn't tell him either, Jesse, I swear it. I haven't spoken to him at all because I knew you would turn down the job if I did."

"How can I possibly take the job, Jade?" I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. I was blindsided when your father came in and I could hardly answer anything sensibly as I sat there looking at this man and wondering if he knew I woke up with his daughter. They probably all thought I was a complete idiot and that Mr. Coleman was out of his mind bringing me before the whole group of them."

"Jesse, I'm sorry. I..."

"Jade, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to do my job and figure out what I am going to do next."

"Jesse, look at me.

"I can't Jade. It just hurts too much right now."

"You deserve the job, Jesse. If Ron Coleman offers it to you it's because he thinks you're right for it. Don't throw your future away because of me," she said quietly.

I could hear her sobbing as Boz Scaggs wondered how he'd manage to fall in love so easily. I wondered too.

CHAPTER 13 - JADE:

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Clearly one night of dreams coming true was all I was ever going to get.

Why the hell did his life have to be so hard that he couldn't just accept that someone loved him and wanted to help him reach his goals?

I knew the answer to that.

I knew better than anyone how it felt to get things you didn't deserve. I knew how that ate away at one's confidence and belittled anything that felt like achievement.

And that was why I didn't ask my father to help Jesse.

I kept my mouth shut.

I should have just kept my mouth shut about his foot. If I had stayed out of his business for just a little longer, maybe he would have gotten the job and been ready to take a chance on a relationship. Maybe he would have asked me out instead of kissing me out of guilt.

Too late.

I walked away without even getting to look him in the eye one last time.

My shift wasn't over, but my reason for being there was gone. I punched my time card one last time and knocked on Lisa's office door.

I told her I was sorry for what I was about to do, I knew I was leaving her in a bind, but it was for the best. Jesse needed the job and I didn't. There was no reason to make it anymore uncomfortable than it was. I just had to get out of there.

Lisa asked me what happened, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. I know she was only trying to help. The whole store thought Jesse and I were a love story happening right before their eyes and they were all looking forward to the happily ever after that just vanished without a trace.

My whole future just vanished. Everything I been dreaming about since the day I met him was gone; lying beside the fire, our wedding, the children I could almost see when I looked into his brown eyes. They were all gone now.

All I could do was go sing in my show and hope that I was good enough, just me, without my mother's influence or any financial incentives, to make an impression that might get me to Broadway.

That was the only part of my future that was left.

But I sat in my car and cried for all that was lost.

Then I called my father and told him how I ruined Jesse's life.

CHAPTER 14 - JESSE:

"So, do you want to tell me what just happened?" Lisa asked.

I'd thrown myself into the work so I could avoid thinking about how badly I screwed up the interview. And sadly that was the least troubling thought I was trying to avoid, because thinking about moving and how I just let Jade walk away crying again were things that were way too painful to face.

Lisa's question startled me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jade just quit and walked out."

"No!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, she did."

Words I don't ever use were right on the tip of my tongue. I tipped my head back and ran my hands up through my hair. "Damn it. It wasn't her fault."

"What wasn't her fault?"

"I was not prepared for the interview today. I should have done my homework better. If I had, I would have known her father was one of the partners. I froze when I met him. It was pretty bad."

"Whoa. She didn't tell you that you were interviewing with her father's firm?"

"No. I mean, I only found out who her parents are this week, I didn't think to ask..."

"Seriously?" Lisa laughed.

"What?"

"You didn't know her mother was the Lieutenant Governor?"

"No."

"What did you think was going on back in the fall when the security detail was posted in the cafe? I'm pretty sure they did background checks on everyone who works here. Jade was really put out about them following her around all week."

"I didn't know it was about Jade. I guess I thought we were just having a shoplifting problem."

"It was a terrorist threat, Jesse! They didn't even want her working in the store but she did anyway. It was a challenge for me, but I couldn't say no to her. They wanted to keep her locked up in her apartment the whole time. The poor thing just wanted to act like a normal person and all those guards got everyone whispering about her."

"She didn't tell me."

"What the heck did the two of you talk about all those times you took breaks together?"

"Obviously nothing that mattered."

"Jesse, it's not my business, but the two of you had something. I think you should talk to her."

"I will. I'm sorry she walked out if you need me to help cover, I will do whatever needs to be done."

Jade.

That beautiful girl who worked behind the coffee counter could have anything she wanted, only what she wanted was a nothing, a nobody, who kept her at arms length when he knew he was supposed to hold on and he managed to hurt her every time he opened his stupid mouth.

I didn't want to be him anymore.

I accepted a miracle once. I could have walked away from Ani that first day, but no, I needed to see her again. And the same thing was happening here with Jade. I could have stayed away from her place, but I needed to feel her in my arms.

Maybe miracles only worked if you embraced them, if you believed in their magic.

I was pushing Jade away because the pieces hadn't fallen into place yet and I didn't want her to have to suffer through my poverty. I was waiting to be able to have something to share, but maybe it wasn't going to work that way. If she was my future, maybe my future couldn't start without her.

Maybe it was already too late. She was not going to forgive me this time.

I hurt her badly enough that she walked out of my life.

And I still had no idea what the song in my head meant.

CHAPTER 15 - JESSE:

I called her right after Lisa left the stockroom.

I got her voicemail.

I called her again an hour later.

She didn't answer. I left a message, but it was just not possible to apologize in anyway that was appropriately heartfelt when talking to a machine. I tried twice more before my shift ended but I still got nothing.

My stomach was in knots. I was actually going to have to face the fact that the woman I loved was done with me.

I punched out and walked to her building. I stopped at the stand on the corner and bought a Snapple Tea. The raspberry was her favorite. I don't know why I knew such a ridiculously insignificant detail about her when I hadn't even known about the drama she lived through in the fall. But I went to her building to see if I could have that chance to look her in the eyes that I rejected earlier in the day and give her this one small thing that she liked.

The doorman rang her but there was no answer. He even checked the camera in the garage for me and I felt just slightly better knowing she was not simply ignoring the door, but then the nasty voice in my head was wondering if there was someone else she would go to for comfort.

Sixteen months of shunning her blossomed into a five day relationship that literally did start off on a bad foot, with two nights of pure comfort, two people who were suddenly happy and one dream that came true.

And now there was nothing.

I cradled the bottle of tea in my arm like I was protecting it from evil.

Being able to give it to her became my mission.

But I walked home wondering if this new mission would just be another failure.

* * *

My apartment was blessedly empty. It was only nine-thirty but the day had aged me at least a year.

I kicked my sneaker off and put the tea in the refrigerator with a boldly printed warning that it should not be touched. Then I sunk into the run down sofa and let the emptiness inside me meet the emptiness all around me.

I was alone.

But not for long.

The knock on my door made me jump from my seat. Luckily I'd been too lethargic to take the boot off my foot or the violence of my reaction would have probably damaged it again. But my heart leapt into my throat at the sound thinking it might be Jade.

The immediate disappointment was squashed by surprise.

Matthew Hartzog was standing at my door.

He was dressed casually, but my greeting was still very stiff, formal. I had no idea what to say to him.

"Can I buy you a beer and talk for a little while?" he asked.

I stood there stupidly for a moment, and then I nodded. "Come in, please. Let me get my shoe on." He looked around the apartment, which thankfully my roommates had left fairly tidy. Neither of us said anything as I slipped my old sneaker on my good foot and grabbed my keys.

"So, what happened to your foot?" he asked as we left my building.

"A co-worker got a little sloppy and dropped a box of books off the truck. The break was pretty clean."

"When did that happen? You weren't wearing that boot in your interview."

"A little more than a week ago. The boot was really not the impression I wanted to make at my interview, Mr. Hartzog. In retrospect, it couldn't have made things any worse in that interview."

"Wasn't your foot killing you?" he asked.

"I had other things on my mind at the time, Sir."

He laughed a little. It was a friendly laugh. He walked slowly, most likely for my benefit and we ducked into a bar that was too nice for a guy like me. We got seats and he immediately ordered two drafts of something I didn't recognize, but I hadn't had a beer since the cheep cans Billy Thompson had at the graduation party his parent threw when we finished High School.

"So I guess Jade called you," I started as I dropped my eyes and ran my finger through the condensation on the glass.

"She did."

"She hasn't answered any of my calls. She must hate me. I don't blame her. I'm an idiot. I manage to say the wrong thing every time I open my mouth."

"She won't answer your calls tonight, she's at a benefit for her show. It opens tomorrow, you know. You should go see it. She's very talented and I'm not just saying that because I'm her father, even if that's what she believes."

"I don't think she'll want me there."

"She doesn't hate you, Jesse. She's in love with you. I have never seen this side of Bianca, Jade," he corrected himself.

"She can do better."

"Maybe. I'm not so sure about that. I do know that you could do a lot worse. You want to know what she told me today?"

I nodded.

He picked up his beer, took a long drink and smiled at me. "She said she was afraid she ruined your life."

"What? Why would she think that?"

"She's afraid you're going to turn down the job that Ron is going to offer you because you think she got you the offer. She's convinced that if she'd just left you alone and not pursued you that you would have gotten the job and been happy. She said she wished she could just go back and keep her mouth shut and let you have the future you worked so hard for."

I ran my fingers up into my hair. "She shouldn't think those things. It's just a job."

"It's not just a job, you know that. It's the beginning. Look, Jesse, there's probably not a man alive who understands your situation, what you're feeling right now, better than I do. Let me tell you a story. I was at Brown Law School when I met this girl who was just stunning. I didn't have any classes with her, but she came out of a class in the same building at the same time I did, and I would linger around just to watch her walk away. I didn't talk to her. It seemed like every guy there was trying to get her attention, and she was way out of my league. One winter day she was walking, carrying an armload of books and she slipped. I caught her in my arms and she looked at me like I was something fantastic. I could not believe she was looking at me.

I was from an upper middle class family, Jesse. Unlike you, I had a pretty easy life and parents who could and did support me. I expected my future to be exactly what my life had always been. But Caroline was privileged. Her lineage included two Senators and a President just to name a few. Her family wasn't just wealthy, they were American Royalty and she was the princess. She was a beautiful princess. She had ambitions to continue their political dominance, and I knew that from the start. I knew from our first date that if I wanted a life with her, my career would be impacted by her status. Everything I've done since that day has been followed by whispers of her name and a fortuitous marriage. Did you happen to notice that I was the youngest partner in the room today? There are plenty of whispers as to why I got that position. But none of that matters to me. I love my wife. So this is what my life is. I am fortunate to have a career I enjoy and a beautiful family. Would I be where I am right now without Caroline? Probably not, but I am still the guy who goes into the office every day and gets the job done, and the other partners know I pull my weight."

I nodded. We both sat quietly for a minute and drank the beers.

"I tried to give my daughter everything in life, Jesse, but I guess everything was too much and somewhere along the line she lost confidence in herself. I don't know the event that did that to her, but I saw the change. And there was nothing I could give her to bring her back to that place where she was happy with her life.

She found the thing she needs in you, and I can understand that. It's possible her mother found that same thing in me. I was just a guy who thought she was a pretty girl. I wasn't looking for what most of the others were looking for when they looked at her. She wasn't a stepping stone to me," he finished as he lifted the beer again and drank.

"Interesting. Jade said something very similar to that."

"She wants to be with someone who loves her. As her father, I want that for her."

"At least you had something to offer your wife. I can't even take Jade on a date. I don't have anything. How can I tell her that I love her? How can I ask her to be with me?"

"I think most people your age start out with nothing, Jesse. You're going to get the job. Go a little easier on yourself. Live a little. You two can take care of each other."

"You think I am going to get the job? I was terrible in that interview."

He laughed. "You weren't terrible. What I saw today was very honest. I didn't know why you looked like you'd been blindsided. I hadn't had a chance to look at your resume until I was seated at the table, but I had a pretty good idea what the story was when I saw your current job. Anyway, I've seen a lot worse. I would much rather see what I saw today than some of these cocky bastards that come in and think they are just going to sit in an office and drink coffee while their legal assistants do all the actual work. And yes, I know you are going to get the offer."

Numbers I could hardly fathom suddenly became very clear in Mr. Hartzog's thoughts, but I pushed them aside in my mind. "What did he say about me?" I asked quietly.

"We talked for a good while after you left. Ron noticed that you seemed distressed when I introduced myself. He was wondering if it was my late arrival and disrupting the interview or if we knew each other. I think he might have even been hoping we did know each other and he could get some real feedback on you. I told him I didn't but that I suspected that Bianca might have been the problem, pointing out the current employment on your resume. He thought that was funny. Ron has a good sense of humor. So she didn't tell you her father was one of the partners?"

"No. She was afraid I would cancel the interview."

"Would you have cancelled it?"

"I don't know. Probably. Maybe. It's a dream job, Mr. Hartzog. It's exactly what I wanted to do and I really liked Mr. Coleman. I honestly don't know what I would have done. I didn't think I had a shot at the position at all. I knew my resume was weak compared to every other applicant in this city. My only chance was convincing someone that I am a hard worker, and Mr. Coleman listened. No one else had even given me the opportunity to try to sell myself. I really wanted to see it through."

"But then you had to wonder if it had already been done for you."

I shrugged. "Yes. But I knew that I froze in there, which was my own fault. I let myself be angry at Jade when she did the right thing."

"You're an honest man, Jesse."

"I lost the thing I was supposed to hold on to."

"I don't think it's lost. From what little I know I think she's probably been the one trying to make something happen between the two of you. And now it's your turn. But you asked me what Ron said and Ron wants you for the job. The meeting with all the partners is just a formality, you'd be working under Ron, and it's his decision. You impressed the hell out of him in the first interview. He could not stop talking about your work ethic and what you've been able to accomplish on your own. I'm very sorry about what happened to your mother, it's a terrible thing to watch people you love struggle. We don't see your sort of drive very often. But there was something else that you had that no one else had, something very personal. Sometimes that human element is simply more important than grades or letters of recommendation. I've known Ron for nearly twenty years. I saw him go through the worst time of his life. I saw him lose something that can never be replaced."

"His little girl."

"Yes, his baby. He's given hundreds of thousands of dollars to give other little girls the chance his daughter lived for, because talent and passion shouldn't be dependent on dollars. You are going to get the job because you are on Denise's wall. And not only are you on the wall, but it's practically like she's looking at you. You have all the qualities he loved in his daughter. He's made every argument in your favor, but it comes down to the simple fact that Father's do things for their little girls. He's done a lot to give young dancers the kind of chance his daughter had, and now the fact that you are on that wall is like Denise telling him to give you that chance. And maybe it's just that simple. Maybe fate put you in that place where that photo was taken just to open this door for you. Take the job, Jesse."

That was when it all clicked. He was right. The magic girl who turned my life around three years ago as she stood in the doorway to her future, she unlocked the door to my future too. And then she came back and told me to grab on. I should have just listened to her. I should have had faith in the magic.

"I need to talk to Jade. I really need to talk to her."

He pulled something out of his shirt pocked and slid it across the bar to me. "She left tickets at the will-call. Go see the opening of her show tomorrow."

"If she'll look at me again, I will give her the only thing she asked me for. I'll give it freely and completely."

"You seem like a fine young man, Jesse. Like I said, I don't know you well, but I think Jade does. I think she found something in you that makes her feel whole. She's willing to give that up for you to get your chance and I think that is something special."

"I know she's something special, Sir. I've known that since the first time she spoke to me. I was afraid to hold her back. I was afraid to get involved knowing I had nothing to offer her. I was afraid of how badly it would hurt to love her and then lose her. I can't lose her."

"Tell her that. Look, you don't have to tell her we spoke. You didn't want to think she got you the job, telling her I came to see you is just going to make her think I, once again, gave her something she didn't think she deserved."

"Thank you."

"No, thank you. Make her happy, Jesse. I just want my daughter to be happy."

"I will do all I can to make that happen."

CHAPTER 16 - JADE:

Arabella was going to be the last show of my college career.

Lincoln Center was at the crossroads of Columbus Avenue and Broadway, but it was also my personal crossroad between being a gifted student and being a genuine talent.

I had four nights to find out if I had what it would take to sing on Broadway.

Only, mentally, I was having a hard time finding myself.

I didn't like being Bianca, but being Jade hurt.

Thorn had arranged one of his _'parties'_ ; it was a way to get the donors and alumni in the same room as the cast and usually added a good chunk of funds to his budget. He was a good director, but he was better at rubbing elbows, seducing women and lining his coffers. Usually I liked him because he was so transparent about his motives that his methods were almost comedic. This time, the sucking up was just getting on my very last nerve.

All of my practice at standing behind that cafe counter serving coffee with a smile to people who were too busy fiddling with their phones to look me in the eye, people who just barked out their order like I was a nonentity, still didn't prepare me enough to keep my smile in place for the people who made and effort to meet me just to ask me to give a message to my mother.

I couldn't take anymore. I just wanted to go home and hide until it was time I took the stage and the show started. I was trying to politely extricate myself from a couple that clearly did not get that I was not a politician and I did not care about their partisan policies. I caught Thorn's eye and mentally begged him to get me out of there.

And then he did something absolutely ridiculous.

He grabbed a microphone and began introducing the cast.

People were clapping politely.

He introduced me last. He made an excessively effusive show of it too.

Then he handed me the mic and told me to sing.

There wasn't even any music.

What the hell was he thinking?

I loathed him more than I had ever loathed anyone in my life. Bianca could have gotten away with throwing down the mic and walking out. Jade would have started to cry.

But Arabella just closed her eyes and shut out everything else in the world except the music in her head. And she sang.

The clear soprano rang through the room. It hung there like it was suspended in that place that was the inside of a cloud. I could see the whiteness all around me. I was awake and in a dream all at the same time. Then, like magic, the music filled me.

I felt it like a living thing within me.

I looked over the crowd as they stood and clapped. I bowed, took my things and left.

* * *

I undressed and crawled into bed.

I didn't check my phone or my messages. I didn't want to be disappointed. I promised myself that I was going to stay away from Jesse, that I was going to stay out of his life so he could have his future. But I could still smell the scent of his skin on the pillow he'd slept on, the pillow I was hugging to my body.

I said there was nothing I wouldn't do for him, but I didn't consider that might mean letting him go.

I tormented myself thinking about some other woman getting the happily ever after that I wanted more than I wanted to breathe. He would start his career and be successful and there would be some beautiful, Anika Rossi type of girl on his arm and in his bed. I wouldn't even be a memory.

Why couldn't that place that granted wishes just grant my wish that he would love me?

I had to stop thinking about him.

I was supposed to be letting him go but a big part me feared that letting him go meant going back to being Bianca, because what else was there for me? And the memory that charged to the front of my thoughts was the day I really found out what being Bianca Jade MaryEllen Fitzgerald-Hartzog meant.

It happened the weekend of my seventeenth birthday.

My mother planned a huge, formal coming out party for me. I hadn't given it a lot of thought, I was a spoiled, little princess, and I knew that, so a big party was right up my alley. I had a gorgeous dress and a tiara. All the guys were in tuxedos. There were a lot of guys.

My girlfriends and I were all giddy talking about them.

And then Kevin Johnston McIntyre strode up to me and asked me to dance.

He was probably twenty-one or two at the time, he was very polished and I was stupidly flattered as he took my hand and led me to the dance floor.

The other girls giggled and gasped.

And then he opened his mouth.

"So I hear you are considering Julliard," was his opening statement.

"Yes, I..."

"Are you just doing that to spite your mother?"

"What? Why would..."

"Don't be stupid. It's ridiculous for someone with your pedigree to go to art school. Pick something sensible. You're attractive. I can see you on my arm when I am in your mother's position. You need to think about the future..."

I stopped listening to his words.

I looked around that room and actually looked at the people there.

Every tuxedo clad guy in that room was there to make a merger, to solidify an allegiance to my family line. I was just the cattle that got traded in the deal. It didn't matter if I was pretty or smart or talented. I was the Fitzgerald-Hartzog girl. That was Bianca.

I remember taking the tiara out of my hair and leaving it sitting on the counter in the ladies room. I didn't ever want to see it again. I loved my parents, but that day I started having to re-evaluate my whole life. I wondered if they actually loved each other or if I just assumed they did. I wondered what they thought of me? I wondered if they thought my desire to go to Julliard was ridiculous.

But I dug my heels in that day.

My decision was final. And my Daddy wanted his little princess to be happy so badly that he made some calls and Julliard sent me a lovely acceptance letter.

I didn't even get the satisfaction of applying.

I left home and I left Bianca behind.

Jade just seemed more fitting.

CHAPTER 17 - JESSE:

She didn't call. I stayed up late hoping. I called her one last time to say goodnight, but my call still went directly to voicemail.

I refused to lose hope.

It would have been nice to go to sleep and find myself in The White Room. I could have tried to figure out what I needed to do to get Jade to give me another chance. But sleep was evasive and even when it came it wasn't restful or deep. It was filled with that music that I couldn't place. And I guess I was wishing away the night because it was hard to lie there knowing that just one day ago, she was pressed against me and the world was as perfect as it was ever going to be. I just wanted to get this terrible day over with so I could go to her show and try to make things right between us.

Of course, I had all day to dwell on my stupidity.

And to make matters just that much worse, Lisa put me on the information desk so I didn't even have the satisfaction of physical labor to take my mind off things, no, instead I was stuck standing in the middle of the store with a clear view of the front doors. And I looked at those doors every single time they opened hoping she would walk through them, even though I knew she was most likely in class.

I admitted to myself that it was karma in action.

Sixteen months of keeping Jade at a distance and constantly disappointing her were being repaid upon me every single time the door opened and every minute my phone did not ring.

I deserved the punishment.

It was Thursday morning and the store was not crowded. Carol was behind the cafe counter where Jade should have been standing, and the whole atmosphere of the store seemed wrong. Carol was most likely calling everyone _'Honey,'_ which might have seemed endearing, but always sounded condescending. Lisa was handling returns up at the register. There was a girl I did not recognize, with a pierced nose and tattoos all the way up her neck, putting the back stock from the cart onto shelves in the self help section. And Phil, the oaf who broke my foot, was doing my job.

And I envied him because I really needed the physical activity to keep me occupied.

Sitting around at the information desk when the store was empty just sucked.

It left me too much free time to dwell on my shortcomings and the fact that my phone was stubbornly not ringing.

I occupied my self by making a list of all the old love songs on that played on a continuous loop filling the empty air in the store with white noise. The late seventies and early eighties must have been the heyday of romantic ballads. No one really made songs like those anymore. Maybe the whole notion of romance had become antiquated. Maybe that was part of my problem, I still wanted the kind of love that started with a walk in the moonlight and a first kiss that made time stand still. I wanted to be the guy that gave flowers and held open doors. I still believed in falling in love before jumping into bed. I just stupidly believed I couldn't afford to be that guy, when really, what does a walk in the moonlight cost? What would it have cost to pull Jade into my arm,s as she stood in the doorway to the stockroom, and dance to that one song that was her dream? The answer was nothing but my heart and she already had my heart, I was just too caught up in my financial situation and my desperate need for some measure of success that I didn't see the simple things. I didn't see that what she needed was only that one dance and the closeness, the tenderness of that moment.

She would have done anything for me, fed me, healed me, or walked out of my life so I could have the future I'd been working toward.

But that future was meaningless without her.

And as if my thoughts weren't gloomy enough, the song that was her dream, that was the very definition of us, began to play. It seemed louder than ever in the quiet emptiness of the store. My eyes were fixed on the doorway, but she wasn't there. I felt the cracks in my heart open.

I had to make this right.

I had to get her back. Whatever the price was, I would pay it. Whatever she wanted from me I would give. I would drop to my knees and beg her to forgive me.

The workday ended and I ran from the store. Not literally. My foot was still in no condition to run, but I didn't waste any time. I tried calling her again as I walked, but she still didn't answer. It did not matter; I was going to find a way to see her, to speak to her.

I don't know what I was expecting as I sat in my seat in the theater.

I always just assumed she was an actress and her show was going to be a play.

Again, I could have done my homework.

But the curtain rose and I was swept away.

It was not just how beautiful she was. When she opened her mouth, the voice of an angel filled that theater. How she could have ever wondered about her talent was a mystery. She sang in a language I did not speak, but with passion that my heart knew. She sang of love, the desire for that one true love that would last forever. She sang of a man who was unlike any she knew who stole her heart in a single glance.

And each time she left the stage my heart went with her.

But it was the second act that changed everything.

When Arabella met Mandryka, the man who captured her heart, Jade sang the song that had been playing in the recesses of my mind since the day she handed me the first sandwich. It was not just about her, it was her. And she was singing it to him on stage, but as she looked out to the audience she was singing it to me.

Yes, I knew she could not see me in the crowd.

But I felt her every single time she stood in that doorway to that stockroom. I felt her heart shatter when I would not look her in the eye and she walked away. And my heart believed she felt me too. I was Mandryka. The song was mine.

She was supposed to be mine.

But just like life, the love that was supposed to be a given upon that stage got twisted and tangled. Jealousy and accusation tore it apart. Her confusion, her sadness, they were so real to me. It was supposed to be a comedy, but I wept watching her, hearing her.

Of course, the show was destined for a happy ending. Mandryka begged forgiveness. And Arabella forgave him.

She offered him the water that signified their union and he kissed her.

But would Jade forgive me?

The curtain closed and I clapped so hard my hands hurt. I sat there as the theater emptied. My future was just beyond that curtain and she seemed a million miles away. She was going to be a star. She belonged on Broadway. The theater district would have her name in lights. The lyrics to _Nights on Broadway_ were loud in my head and I wondered if she was already beyond me. I could not be just standing in the background watching, waiting. I had to make this right. I had to get her back.

I made my way to the stage door.

I asked the guard if I could see her.

He half-heartedly asked my name as he flipped his clipboard to her page.

Then he looked up at me and shook his head.

Jade had three names on her list: her mother, her father and me. But there was a big dark slash drawn throughout the list and bold letters underneath that said _'NO VISITORS.'_

I begged. "Look, it is vital that I talk to her. Can you just ask her if she'll see me?"

"I can't leave the door."

"Can you ask someone else to ask her? There are thirty people standing right there!"

"No."

"Why?"

"She said no visitors. That means NO visitors."

"I was on the list! I have to give her a message!"

"Sir, if you don't step away from the door I will have to call security."

This little prick was standing between me and my future and there was not a damned thing I could do about it. I doubt he'd have given that sort of attitude to her mother.

Frustration and regret got the best of me and I turned my back to the door, but I threw my arms into the air and just called out her name. And by called out, I mean it came out with all of the air from my lungs and just echoed down the hallway and through the theater until the acoustics swung it back around and it hit me full in the chest, shattering my already cracked heart.

I dropped my head and walked away.

There was nothing else to do.

CHAPTER 18 - JADE:

I really didn't want to see my parents. I really didn't want to see anyone. I mean, of course that was a lie. I wanted Jesse to come and say the words that Mandryka says to Arabella. But he wasn't going to do that and I didn't want to be disappointed when he didn't come, so I crossed everyone off my visitors list.

And I just got out there and sang.

It was funny how we'd work on the production for weeks and weeks, deal with costumes and the dress rehearsals, show up at Thorn's little parties, and then opening night came and went with very little pomp.

Final bows were taken and the curtain closed. I stood there for a few minutes, alone, wondering if this was going to be the last opening for me. I gave everything I had. I really did. I just didn't know if it was enough. I stood there looking at the empty stage like the action might still be happening, like I could watch the show. But there was nothing there.

There was nothing anywhere.

My costume was beautiful, but heavy. I was not graceful as I trudged back toward my dressing room.

"There she is!"

I heard the words, but I did not realize they were for me until Thorn called out to me.

He called me Bianca.

I cringed.

He was standing with another man in a very nice suit. Thorn was talking as I was looking over the stranger. His hair had just a touch of salt and pepper, his shirt was a lilac color, his tie was too flashy and he had a silk kerchief showing from his pocket. He extended his hand to me and shook mine in that dainty way that sort of felt like he really did not want to be touching another person, and might prefer fake air kisses at the cheek. But while his persona seemed effeminate, his voice was fantastically deep and enthralling when he spoke.

The dichotomy was humorous.

I'm sure Thorn probably said the man's name, but I was too distracted by the man himself and I was forced to ask him to repeat it. His name was Devon Rothsam, and really I wanted to ask him to repeat every word he said because his voice was just that amazing but I made an actual effort to listen to his words and not just the music coming from his mouth. He paid me some very high compliments on my performance. He talked about my vocal range. And then he asked me if I would be interested in auditioning for a stage production of a Disney show.

And just as I was about to say, _'are you serious?'_ and tell him exactly how much the opportunity would mean to me, I heard my name called out in anguish from somewhere off to my left.

I knew that voice. That was the voice of my dreams.

Jesse had come.

He was trying to get to me, and I crossed him off the list.

I could not walk away from my opportunity to audition for an actual show on Broadway. So I stood impatiently, with my coffee counter smile firmly in place as my heart raced and I wished this stranger with his wonderful voice would just get to the important part of the details so I could go chase down the man who owned my heart before he changed his mind.

At last Mr. Rothsam gave me his card with the dates and times that I should be at the theater. Thorn winked at me as the two of them turned away.

And I dashed toward the stage door praying Jesse might still be lingering in the hallway, but he was gone.

Gone.

And I still didn't even know where his apartment was.

CHAPTER 19 - JESSE:

I went to her building and loitered around at the front entrance for a long time. The doorman said she wasn't home, and I knew she wasn't. I figured she probably had some fancy after party to go to and really I didn't want to think about any possibilities beyond that.

The doorman's name was Jerry and he spent a good deal of time shooting the breeze with me and not making a fuss about my lurking around the building like a potential stalker.

And, sadly, I knew that even if she came home, she would park in the garage and go upstairs from there. I wouldn't see her unless for some unknown reason she drove past the front of the building to get around to the garage and that was a ridiculously long, long shot based on where I assumed she'd be coming from.

An hour passed. Another fifteen minutes followed it into the past. Jerry checked the garage monitor one last time and shook his head. I sighed, thanked him and walked home.

I failed to get her back.

I didn't get the call from Mr. Coleman either.

I crawled into bed but I could still hear Jade singing in my mind. It was such a beautiful sound that tears leaked from my eyes. And before I knew it I was just crying out my seven years of struggling, the hunger, the loneliness, the heartache and now this loss. And this loss was the worst because it was completely my fault. There was no noble intention like there had been when I let Ani go. I just blamed Jade for my failure, for being who she was and pushed her away when really she was the only thing holding me together.

But as I lay there crying, a gentle hand stroked my hair.

"Call her like you called me that first time, Jesse," she said.

I could not see her, but Ani was there. She was still trying to help me. "How? Jade doesn't have what we have."

Ani laughed. "Neither did my father, but my mother wished for him and he came. This place is magical, remember?"

"It is."

"You just have to believe in it, Jesse. If you love her, and I know you love her, let this place be The Wishing Place again and make the wish that's in your heart."

I nodded. "Ani, wait!" I called out, and she actually appeared sitting beside me. Her eyes were so blue. She was a beautiful woman, there was no doubt about that, but she was not Jade, she was not the woman my heart belonged to. I just had to know if I did the right thing back then. "Ani, are you happy? Did you get the life you wanted?"

"I got my fairy tale, Jesse. And I'm not sure I would have gotten it if it hadn't been for you. I know it was just one summer, but you changed my world and I went back to Chicago a different person. That change made a whole chain of events happen, they weren't all good, but they were all important and they got me my future, my dream, my happily ever after. It's your turn now Jesse. She's right there, your whole future is right there, look at it!"

And just like that, right before our eyes, a movie was playing out the rest of my life, but so quickly that it only left the image of Jade and I dancing, pressed together, the way we should be, and hope that it was still possible.

"Call her, Jesse. Hold on to her and don't let go," Ani whispered inside my head and she was gone from my life.

But my life was not over.

"Jade!" I called out into the whiteness. "Jade, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. Don't leave me behind. I love you. I'll do whatever it takes to make this right, just come back to me. Come back, Jade. Please come back."

She didn't answer.

CHAPTER 20 - JADE:

I woke up with a start. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking and his name was on my lips. Jesse. The whole thing might have been a dream, but he was calling out to me, he was calling my name the way he had at the theater. I slid out of my bed and grabbed my bag from the chair by the door. I dug frantically for my phone and turned it on.

There were twenty-two missed calls in the two days that I'd been ignoring the outside world. Six of them were from Evan Thorne, they were all within an hour of each other after I left the theater last night and I had a pretty good idea that he'd had a significant amount of scotch and was looking for company. I would listen to them later, just on the off chance that he had anything important to tell me about Mr. Rothsam or the audition.

Three calls were from my father and another two were from my mother. With five missed calls, I was actually quite surprised there wasn't a secret service stiff parked outside my door.

The other eleven calls were all from Jesse.

He didn't leave a message every time, but he apologized, he asked me to call him back. He called after the opening of the show and that message tore my heart open. He said he'd called because he finally knew what the music in his head meant and that he wished I would have known that he was there to applaud like he'd said he would always do. He said he would call again and that he couldn't say goodbye so he was just going to say goodnight.

I didn't want him to say goodbye.

I jumped in the shower, I threw on the clothes that were hanging over my chair and I dashed out the door.

He would be at the bookstore. I mean, he was always at the bookstore. He practically lived there. And if for some unforeseen reason he was not there, Lisa would give me his address, I knew she would. I would plead with her if I had to.

Driving in the city was never a quick task. But it seemed eternal whenever it really needed to be fast. I pulled into the lot and ran for the door. He was not at the information desk, not that I really expected him to be, but it was just one of the places he might be. I practically ran to the stockroom. The door was standing open. Boxes were piled up four wide and two high in the space where they were unloaded from the truck. The empty carts were lined up waiting for the stock to be loaded, but Jesse was not there.

The room was completely empty.

CHAPTER 21 - JESSE:

I was still carrying around the Snapple Tea. I knew it was ridiculous. It was just a symbol, like when she gave me the apple juice or when Arabella gave Mandryka the water. If she accepted it, it was forgiveness, and something more, it was a connection, like an inside joke that only we knew. I don't know. Maybe it was a stupid idea. There was a good chance I was not going to get to give it to her. But I brought it to work with me and stuck it in the fridge in the stockroom with it's dire warning not to touch. And I went about my business.

The truck was already there when I got in, which was unusually early. There were only eight boxes so unloading them was quick, but there were still two carts of older stock that needed to go out of the floor before the new stuff was opened.

I liked stocking the kids' section. Everything was small.

Noreen was deep into the nine o'clock story time and there were probably a dozen children listening raptly and giggling as she wove her spell over them. And even though I was down and trying to concentrate on my job to avoid the ugly thoughts in my head, I still found myself giggling at the antics of young Floyd as he attempted to get his kite unstuck from a tree. Oh, Oliver Jeffries, how fitting that Noreen should be telling your story as I sat stocking tiny books wondering what I could throw at my problems that might make them all better.

The cart was emptied before the story was finished, but I stuck around and straightened the shelves just to hear how it ended.

And then I dragged the empty cart back to the stock room.

But froze in my tracks when the door was in sight.

Jade was leaning against the doorframe looking into the empty room.

Her music was so loud in my head. I abandoned the empty cart as I moved toward her. What to do next was a mystery. Every bit of me wanted to just wrap my arms around her and breathe her in, but I owed her such a big apology. Anyway, before I could even think about it, my fingers were sweeping through the long blonde hair that hung down her back. It was still slightly damp and the sweet smell tickled my senses.

She spun and gazed up at me and an instant later our mouths were pressed together, her arms were tight around me and my fingers were still deep in her hair, as I eagerly tasted her. My heart pounded inside my chest. She was my everything. She was my life. She was kissing me.

But she drew a deep breath and opened her eyes. I dropped to my knee before her. "Forgive me, Jade. Forgive me."

"Did you get the job, Jesse?"

I shrugged as I stood up. "I don't know. I haven't heard anything. But it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. I'll get a job, and I have this for now, but I can't make it without you. I told you had nothing to offer you and you asked why I couldn't just give you my heart, the thing is, you have my heart. You've had it since the day you gave me that first sandwich. I just couldn't admit that because I thought you would need more than that, you deserve more than that. You should be my princess, you should..."

"I don't want to be a princess, Jesse," she said softly as she dropped her eyes and walked into the stockroom.

"Jade, I'm sorry. This whole thing was my fault and I want to make it right, but I seem to make it worse every time I open my mouth."

"It wasn't your fault."

"There were things I should have known, but I didn't ask."

"Yes, you did. There were a lot of questions that you asked that I could have answered or expanded upon, but instead I deflected or changed the subject. I've been around politicians all my life. I know how to spin information to my advantage. But I let you believe I was a student working my way through just like you because I wanted you to like me as a person, not because I was a strategic alliance. I wanted to be a normal girl and I wanted the fantastic guy who worked in the back to notice me."

"Who were you last night when you sang on stage?"

"What do you mean?"

"Was that Bianca or was that Jade? Because that song has been in my head, my heart, my dreams since the day we met and I knew it was tied to you, but not how or why. And last night when you sang the piece where Arabella and Mandryka pledge their love, I felt you singing it to me. And I would make the promise Mandryka made to the woman who sang it," I started. "Wait!" I said, and I walked away. I grabbed that Snapple out of the fridge and I walked back to her. "I don't know if this is actually any good anymore. I've been carrying it around for a couple days. It was supposed to be an apology, and a good one because it's made from the best stuff on earth. But I want it to be more than that, Jade. I want it to be the promise that two people made on stage last night. I want that with you. I don't care if you are Bianca or Jade or some combination of both. I just know it was you that took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself and it was your wish that made the magic happen in The White Room and I need you because you are the thing that I was supposed to hold on to no matter how hard it seemed. You are my future."

Jade stood there gaping at me. Then she took the tea from my hand, opened it and drank. Then she offered it back to me and I drank too.

"Jesse, I heard you backstage. I just couldn't get there. By the time I got to the door you were gone. I'm sorry. I should have left you on the list. I just didn't want to be disappointed. Thorne was introducing me to a casting director and..."

"A casting director? Jade, that's fantastic!"

"I wanted to see you so badly."

"We have today, tomorrow, I have nothing on my schedule for the next thirty or forty years."

She laughed and threw her arms around me.

And just as I was about to kiss her, my phone rang. I wasn't going to answer it. The phone was interrupting the most important moment of my life. But she reached into my pocket and gasped.

"Answer it! Answer it, Jesse!" She grabbed the Tea back from my hand and stepped away from me as I took the call. "Well?" she started as I hung up and stood looking at the phone.

"He offered me the job. I just took the job, Jade. He said he was going to wait until Monday, but it turns out he's going to be with a client on Monday and he wanted me to come in on Tuesday and get the paperwork done. I got the job. I really got the job. Just now. Do I have you, Jade?"

"Yes."

"Today is the future."

"I accept."

"What?"

"The proposal that you just made by giving me the tea, of course!" she smiled.

I began to laugh and I pulled her into my arms. "Good. I'm not going to let you get away again, though it will probably be a while before I can get you a ring and all that."

"A ring! We haven't even had a date yet! And if you think for even a second that I am going to wait for our wedding night to..."

My eyes got very big. She threw her head back and laughed.

Just then Boz Scaggs began to sing.

Jade pressed her cheek to my chest and we swayed slowly to the music we should have been dancing to for the past sixteen months. But she sang out the ending in her beautiful Soprano and the world was perfect.

AFTERWARD:

I knew the ending of the story before Jesse did. I could have let him see it, but it would have spoiled his moment. He had to figure it out on his own for it to mean all the right things to him. He needed to commit to love for everything else to fall into place.

Because love is magic.

I watched their wedding and I was glad I had that chance to dance with him that summer. He made his bride so happy on that dance floor. They were going to have a wonderful life together.

He deserved a wonderful life.

The sun came through our bedroom window and Tyne was still sleeping. He was beautiful. The most beautiful man I have ever known. He was facing me, but his eyes were still closed, his dark lashes perfectly curved, his lips parted and his easy breath whispered its greeting. I lay there admiring him, just like always, and smiling because he was my dream come true as much as I'd just seen Jesse's dream come true.

At last he opened his eyes.

"Beautiful Girl," he whispered as he pulled me closer to him. "I must still be dreaming."

"You've been saying that for three years now," I laughed.

"I wake up living a dream every single morning, Anya. I'll be saying that forever. You look happy this morning. Sweet dreams?"

"I always like when I get to see the happily ever afters happen."

Tyne sat up.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Did The White Room spoil my day?"

"What do you mean?"

He rolled to his back and reached into his nightstand, and then he turned back toward me. "Last night was the anniversary of the party my father threw for Paul and the first time we made love in The White Room. That day is sacred to me. I screwed up pretty royally at the time, but not the way you thought, I swear to you, Baby, it was only you. It was always you.

I loved you. I know you didn't believe that then, but I loved you with all I was. Holding you in my arms at that party was the only thing that mattered to me. I was trying so hard to tell you, but the words just would not come out. I remember you said you could not think about my wedding because it would be the worst day of your life. I said I wanted it to be the happiest day you would ever know. I was trying to tell you that I knew my forever was with you. I just couldn't say it."

"I know, Tyne. I know," I whispered as I stroked his cheek.

"This morning, all those years ago, ruined something that was perfect and it stole you away from me. I wasn't sure I would ever get another chance. But today, I wanted to give you back the day."

"Give it back? How?"

"With the promise I made that night, Anya. I promised that someday it would be us. Today is someday," he finished as he opened the small package in his hand. "I've been working on this for a long time. It had to be perfect because you are perfect and I couldn't ask you to be my wife with anything less than that."

I could hardly look at the ring because Tyne Bonham was actually asking me to marry him! I mean, don't get me wrong the ring was spectacular. He was gifted beyond words, but I had been wishing for this moment my entire life.

And it was finally happening!

But as I gasped out my acceptance and threw myself into his arms, I saw flashes of what was still to come, and in that moment, I understood why my mother wished away her Wishing Place and I knew it was time for me to say goodbye to The White Room too.

Happily ever after was enough.

Thank you for your purchase of **Nights on Broadway**. It is a privilege to share this book with you. If you would like to share your thoughts and comments feel free to email me at: mindyhaig@rocketmail.com

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