People are are trying to figure
out what to do with immigrants.
A lot of people
are worried about
immigrants coming
and taking our jobs.
I'm worried about Americans
taking immigrant jobs.
I got a massage from
a Midwestern white lady.
It essentially felt like
a cat was walking
on my back for an hour.
Not an angry or a hungry cat.
Just a happy cat...
...trying to find
a place to sleep.
And then a couple
of weeks later,
I got a massage from
a Korean man,
and he pressed into my
back with the pressure
that he had left his
whole family behind.
That's a great massage!
You need a massage
from someone
who's been through
something.
You can't get a massage from
a woman named Meredith,
where the worst thing that
ever happened to her
is the one time she got bangs.
I walked in and saw
it was a white lady,
and at first I was like,
"It could be okay.
She could be Russian."
But then she goes,
"Lay down."
I was like, "No,
she sounds like me."
Because rarely do you walk
into a situation and think,
"You know who would
be better at this job?
A white lady."
Unless that job is crying
outside of a bar. Then, yes.
We are so good at it.
Plus, you don't want a
massage from someone
that wants to give
you a massage,
you want a massage
from someone
that has to give
you a massage.
Those are two very
different people.
Somebody that wants to touch
your naked back for an hour,
that's a serial killer.
Someone that has to
give you a massage,
someone's that's like,
"This fucking piece of shit...
comes in here and says
her neck is sore
from sleeping wrong?"
"I work 70 hours a day.
I live three states away,
and I bike to work,
and this piece of shit..."
And the whole time,
you're thinking,
"This is a great massage."
