God, you're God!
Why do we have to drive? Can't
we just teleport there? I mean aren't you omnipresent, anyway? Aren't you already there?
Jeffrey, it's not the destination.
[Both] It's the journey.
Uh, did you say
Journey? [Jeffrey] Oh, God!
(microphone feedback)
♪Just a small town girl. ♪ [Jeffrey] Jesus Christ! [Jesus] Huh?
♪ Living in a lonely world. ♪
That's it, I'm done. Jesus, take the wheel?
♪ Don't stop believing! Hold on to that feel- ♪ oh!
Me damn it! What the hell? [Jeffrey] Don't worry, God, I'll get it for you.
Jeffrey, don't be an idiot! That obviously won't work! You gotta use washer fluid too.
Huh, it's not working. [Jeffrey] You're God!
Just make it disappear! [God] I don't want to use up all my mana, Jeffrey. [Jeffrey] If you don't use it, then what's it there for?
Fine.
Holy crap, there was just enough for me to level up!
[Jeffrey] Greaaattt.
Okay, let's see, let's see... uh
I haven't put anything into my
Conjuring branch for a while. [Jeffrey] Can you conjure a dragon yet? [God]
Oh, let's see here, um, bu bu bu bu...
My frog branch, uhh...
doesn't really go that direction.
And, um my locusts branch, um, bu bu bu bu
doesn't go in that direction either, nope. [Jeffrey] Oh, you're really low in alteration. [God] I don't know, I mean
"Pillar of
Pepper" is next. And I guess that's pretty cool, sort of like God's pepper spray.
Meh.
Ugh, why, only one skill point? It's too hard! I guess I'll just use it on whatever's at the end of the pestilence
tree. [Jeffrey] What if it's a healing spell? Sneaking it is.
You know Jeffrey, this is turning out to be a good trip after all.
(police siren)
Oh, hell no! [God] Calm down. [Jesus] Oh, easy for you to say, it's not like you bailed me out the last time i got arrested!
Is, uh,
there a problem officer? [Cop] Are you sure you're old enough to drive, son?
Um... [God] Yeah, we're Article 4 free inhabitants.
supported to the Articles of Confederation. You're not allowed to restrict our travel, sir. [Cop] Excuse me, grandpa?
(sniffs)
It
smells like booze in here. [God] Oh, yeah, that would be my son back there: he's a bit of a wino. [Jesus] Dad!
Why have you forsaken me? Again! [God] Stop being so dramatic!
Oh, and officer, don't let that water bottle fool you. That Aquafina's
90-proof. [Jesus] And that's the only proof you're gonna get around here. You know- you know
what I'm saying.
Alright out of the car, hippie.
Unbelievable! Do you have any idea who my father is? [God] Hey, don't worry
Jesus, I'll handle this. [Cop] Hey, you two out in the car, too. You can't have any open containers. [God] Punch it punch it, punch it!
(tires squeel)
(engine revs)
And then, after showing everyone that I had come back to life, I
floated up into the clouds.
And everyone stood and clapped.
So, you escaped custody? [Jesus] Well...
Wait, so, were you born in Bethlehem or Nazareth?
Uh, Bethlehem. Uh, Jesus, are you an American Citizen?
Well, aren't we all
children of God?
You can be a children of God back in Mexico were you belong, Jesus
Yo, get me ICE on the line. I'm not Mexican! I'm Palestinian. Hey, yo, get me Homeland Security on the line!
(music)
