(drum music)
- Nah, gimme the fucking,
gimme that dirty shit.
I want that swollen, antibiotic,
oversized chicken breast.
Fried, extra juicy.
With extra corn syrup and
extra everything on top of it.
Extra diabetes on it.
Yeah, gimme that growth hormone.
Give it all to me.
Give me the sleep hormone.
Put it all in the chicken.
Fuck me up!
Like, you ever seen like
a chicken in the pack
at the supermarket and you'd be like,
"Damn, that motherfucker looks strong,
"this chicken looks strong as fuck."
And he'd be like.
(drum roll)
Underrated.
I'm very, I'm really into that for sure.
I would make
something that isn't
too expensive, you know?
I love cooking for a crowd,
I don't wanna spend more than $300, tops!
Cause it can get really
expensive, you know?
You throw a dinner party, you could end up
spending $1200, and then you're just like,
"Shit, I don't even like
any of these fucking people.
"I don't like any of these motherfuckers."
(drum roll)
Overrated.
I feel like America is
just like eating us alive,
while we're eating it.
You know, and Walmart is
like the breeding, feeding...
shitting...
sleeping place.
Yeah, that's where we go to,
to die!
(drum roll)
Turnt!
Turnt and burnt!
That's the burn-up,
you know they say like,
you know, turn up, don't burn up.
You gotta stop turning
up before you burn up.
But you're just, no.
You leave Bourbon Street burnt!
(laughs)
(drum roll)
You know, I've never worn a
pair of Crocs a day in my life.
I just feel like I'd
be sinking down to that
like
sub-layer beneath the Walmart.
That's the end.
That's the end of the end.
You can't get off,
you know, you can't come back.
But I'm sure one day I'll get pregnant,
and I'll probably have them all
in a million fucking colors.
But, that day is not today.
(drum roll)
Sound bath?
What the fuck is that?
Sounds lame as fuck.
I'm not there.
Maybe, maybe if I got a free coupon.
I'd have to get a ride there.
And actually, someone
would have to dress me.
I'd need like a pep
talk beforehand as well.
And an emotional support pet.
(laughs)
(drum roll)
Ew!
No, I'll have a guinea pig.
I'd like a guinea pig or a rabbit.
I don't need ferrets
like stealing my Rolex,
or like, you know, taking the
knobs off my stove and shit.
And they stink.
(drum roll)
Overrated, I don't like tapioca.
Yeah, it feels, you know what
it tastes like, like the tea?
Do you remember like when your teacher
used to wash the chalkboard, and she had
like that bucket of like chalk water?
That's what the tea tastes like to me.
And then there's just like
these weird, like, balls in it.
You know, and then like when
you see the tapioca pearls
in the chalk water it kind
of makes my skin crawl
cause they just look like
little, like, larvae.
(drum roll)
Shit!
Damn, I don't know, because
now you've got me thinking
about colonialism and
all kind of other shit,
and it's just like my
mind's going places, like,
you know, you just turned
this into something else.
So this is like the,
like the prehistoric mosh
pit, is what you're saying?
This is like the origins of the mosh pit.
I don't know, that seems like
something really masculine.
Maybe if I had a bunch of
testosterone I'd understand it.
(drum roll)
Oh, overrated!
You know, I've actually
never used a bath bomb,
because every time I
see one I just feel like
it's gonna give me a yeast infection.
Like I feel like that
shit is just gonna somehow
end up in my twat, and like
just like set it on fire.
It looks like it shouldn't be in the water
with your private parts.
Every time I see someone like
doing it on the internet,
I'm just like, "Oh my
god," that just like,
my butt itches just watching the video
of a bath bomb dissolving.
No, I feel like it'd still just like
set my whole
pussy on fire.
It'd just go up in flames.
Like the whole house
would just set on fire,
like it'd start in my pussy and just
burn the whole fucking bathroom down.
(drum music)
