 
### Soup

Pete Stephenson

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 1994, 2012 Pete Stephenson

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free ebook of scripts. These are the complete, original scripts for the entire 1994 UK television series; there was only ever one series.

You are welcome to share this ebook with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided that it remains in its complete, original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

These scripts are a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author's imagination and used fictitiously.

*****

Soup

Contents

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Characters

[START OF EPISODE 1]

SIGNATURE TUNE (= ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.1)

TITLES.

SCENE 1. INT. DAY. THE YOUNGBLOODS' FRONT ROOM. DINNER TIME.

THE ROOM IS DECORATED IN A MODERN STYLE, ALTHOUGH NOT EXTRAVAGANTLY SO. THERE ARE A FEW MINIATURE TEDDY BEARS ON THE MANTLE PIECE, AND A LARGER TEDDY ON THE ARMCHAIR. THE SMALL SOFA HAS THREE COLOURED-CUSHIONS ON IT (RED, BLUE AND YELLOW). THE DINING TABLE IS SET FOR TWO PEOPLE.

JANIE, DRESSED IN A BAGGY T-SHIRT AND JEANS, IS LADLING OUT SOUP FROM A SAUCEPAN INTO TWO BOWLS. SHE IS ALONE.

DARREN ARRIVES HOME FOR HIS DINNER. HE ENTERS THE FRONT ROOM DRESSED IN BLUE OVERALLS. A FEW WOOD SHAVINGS FALL ONTO THE FLOOR AS HE WALKS IN.

JANIE LOOKS AT DARREN AND SMILES.

JANIE

Hello love.

DARREN

Hi ya love.

DARREN LOOKS OVER TOWARDS THE TABLE, AND TAKES IN THE AROMA WHICH IS WAFTING FROM THE SAUCEPAN.

DARREN

Smells good.

JANIE CONTINUES TO SMILE, ARTIFICIALLY, AT DARREN. DARREN LOOKS BEMUSED.

DARREN

(A LITTLE SELF CONSCIOUSLY:) What? What's up?

JANIE

Did you get them?

DARREN

Get what?

JANIE

Me cushions.

DARREN

Oh no. Sorry love. I'll get them this afternoon, all right?

DARREN SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE. JANIE STILL HAS THE LADLE AND THE SAUCEPAN IN HER HANDS.

JANIE

But Darren! You promised.

DARREN

Yeah. I did promise. And now I've said sorry. What more do you want?

JANIE

I wanted me cushions.

DARREN

I'll get the bloomin' things this afternoon, OK? There's no rush is there?

JANIE

I wanted to go out this afternoon.

DARREN SNIGGERS.

DARREN

You don't need cushions to go out!

DARREN LOOKS DOWN AT JANIE'S FEET. WE SEE THAT SHE IS WEARING A PAIR OF FLUFFY OLD SOCKS. ONE OF THEM HAS A HOLE.

DARREN

A pair of shoes though, maybe.

DARREN SNIGGERS.

JANIE

Yes, but I wanted everything to look nice.

DARREN

Anyway, if you're going out then why can't you get them?

JANIE

But you promised. (A BEAT) If I promise you things then I do them.

DARREN

OK, OK. (SMARMILY:) In any case, I never said what time today I'd get them, did I?

JANIE

I promise to have dinner ready every day, but I don't go dishing it up at half past three, do I?

DARREN

That's different. Anyway, I'm not here at half past three.

JANIE

(A LITTLE ANXIOUS:) You know the ones I want don't you.

JANIE POINTS TO THE THREE CUSHIONS ON THE SMALL SOFA.

JANIE

Like them, only a bit bigger.

DARREN

OK, OK!

DARREN STARTS TO DRINK HIS SOUP. JANIE GOES OUT INTO THE KITCHEN WITH THE LADLE AND EMPTY SAUCEPAN. WE HEAR A CLATTER AND THEN JANIE COMES BACK INTO THE ROOM.

DARREN

What's for afters Janie?

JANIE

Well... nothing.

DARREN

So I've just got soup, have I?

JANIE

Yes.

DARREN

Again.

JANIE

Yes.

DARREN

We're always having soup. We seem to live on it. We must keep McRife's in business single handedly. (SARCASTICALLY:) Forget share prices and all that nonsense, so long as Janie Youngblood keeps buying the product and Darren "Muggins" Youngblood keeps eating it then McRife's will be OK.

JANIE

Soup's quick and easy.

DARREN

Yeah, and it's gone in a few minutes.

JANIE

Well I'll hot it up a bit then.

JANIE ATTEMPTS TO TAKE DARREN'S BOWL AWAY FROM HIM. HE HOLDS ON TO IT. (NO SOUP IS SPILT).

DARREN

No! You don't measure the quality of a meal by how long it takes to eat it. Anyway, I know you. If you heat it up it'll burn my lips and there'd have to be time added on for injury.

JANIE

You've never complained before.

DARREN PLAYS WITH HIS SOUP.

DARREN

Look at it. There's nothing to it. It's all wishy washy.

JANIE

It's all right.

DARREN

I work very hard to earn enough money to support both of us. And you give me this! It's not as if I don't pay you, is it. (A BEAT) I won't get enough calories out of this to... I don't know... allow me to lift a tenon saw this afternoon, let alone lug timber around.

JANIE

There's kids starving in the world Darren.

DARREN

There's a starving kid 'ere Janie.

DARREN RELUCTANTLY TAKES ANOTHER MOUTHFUL OF SOUP, SCREWING UP HIS FACE AS IF NOW HE HAS DECIDED THAT ALL OF THE PREVIOUS MOUTHFULS TASTED REALLY AWFUL.

DARREN

Anyway, a lot of them children you're on about shouldn't have been born in the first place.

JANIE

(ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED:) Darren!

DARREN

And what do you mean "quick and easy?" What is it you do all day? (A BEAT) Blimey, if I had three hours to knock up a meal I bet I could come up with something better than just soup.

JANIE

At least I can be relied upon.

DARREN THROWS HIS SPOON DOWN.

DARREN

Oh I've had enough of this.

DARREN GETS UP TO LEAVE.

DARREN

I'm going down the pub.

JANIE

Oh Darren don't.

DARREN

I'll see you later Janie.

DARREN LEAVES. WE HEAR THE FRONT DOOR SLAM.

JANIE, DEPRESSED, LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM. SHE LOOKS DOWN AT HER SOUP BOWL AND THEN LOOKS AT DARREN'S. WITH A DETERMINED EXPRESSION, SHE SCOOPS OUT PIECES FROM DARREN'S BOWL AND PLOPS THEM INTO HERS.

JANIE TURNS TO THE TEDDY BEAR ON THE ARMCHAIR AND SPEAKS TO HIM.

JANIE

And I gave him most of the big bits too, Bubba.

JANIE CONTINUES TO SCOOP THE PIECES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 2. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

PEGGY IS BEHIND THE BAR. LOUIE, LOOKING FURTIVE, IS HANGING AROUND NEAR THE COUNTER.

PAUL, DRESSED IN HIS POLICE UNIFORM, CAN BE SEEN EATING AT ONE OF THE TABLES. CEDRIC AND ANNIE ARE AT THE BAR. TED IS SITTING AT A TABLE NEAR THE BAR WITH A PINT AND A NEWSPAPER. THE REMAINDER OF THE CUSTOMERS ARE PLAYED BY EXTRAS.

CEDRIC

Where's Lisa today Peggy?

PEGGY

She'll not be too long I expect Cedric.

ANNIE

So who is going to take over McRife's?

CEDRIC

What do you mean?

ANNIE

We were talking about McRife's - and the new owners.

CEDRIC LOOKS CONFUSED.

PEGGY

I don't know Annie. Just so long as somebody does, eh. Otherwise Watercress will become a ghost town.

DARREN ENTERS THE PUB.

CEDRIC

Does nobody know then?

PEGGY

Oh yes somebody knows Cedric. They just haven't told us lot yet.

PAUL COMES UP TO THE BAR WITH HIS EMPTY PLATE, BEATING DARREN TO THE COUNTER. PAUL INDICATES, WITH AN EYE MOVEMENT, THAT HE WANTS A REFILL FOR HIS PLATE.

PEGGY

Seconds weren't included in the price you know Paul.

PAUL

Oh I know. I don't mind paying.

PEGGY

Same again then?

PAUL

Yes please.

PEGGY TAKES HIS PLATE AND STARTS TO WALK AWAY.

PAUL

(GENERALLY, TO ALL:) That stuff is so good I'd pay twice the price.

ANNIE

Well, you will have done in a minute.

PEGGY LEAVES TO GO INTO THE KITCHEN.

CEDRIC

Do you know anything Paul, about the new owners of McRife's? Annie was asking...

PAUL

I certainly don't Cedric.

DARREN

Don't talk to me about soups Ced.

ANNIE

They're the life blood of this town Darren.

DARREN

Just so long as it's not my life blood. I feel though I've had a bloomin' transfusion of it as it is.

CEDRIC

What do you mean?

DARREN

It doesn't matter.

PEGGY RETURNS TO STAND BEHIND THE BAR. SHE GIVES A FULL PLATE OF FOOD TO PAUL.

PEGGY

There you go. Another plate of "that stuff."

PAUL

Thanks.

PAUL PAYS PEGGY THE EXACT MONEY, AND SITS BACK DOWN AT HIS TABLE. TED COMES TO THE BAR. PEGGY LOOKS AT DARREN.

DARREN

What no Lisa then?

PEGGY

She'll be a bit late. What can I get you?

DARREN

Women eh! (A BEAT) A pint of lager please. And a bag of peanuts and a pork pie too.

PEGGY SMILES AND POURS THE PINT. TED SHAKES HIS NEWSPAPER CLOSED AND COMES UP TO THE BAR.

TED

It's odds on that they'll be foreigners you know.

TED WINKS AT DARREN. DARREN SMIRKS.

CEDRIC

What do you mean?

ANNIE

What would you know about it Ted Salt!

CEDRIC

Who'll be foreigners?

PEGGY GIVES DARREN HIS PINT, PIE AND PEANUTS.

TED

The new owners of McRife's. It stands to reason doesn't it. That's why it's been kept so quiet. Now, if I'd had bought the place you wouldn't be able to shut me up.

CEDRIC

But you're not foreign.

TED

Yeah, and I haven't got any money either.

CEDRIC

I don't understand.

TED

You know - zero zero zero on me bank statement.

CEDRIC

No! Why foreigners?

TED

They make the best soups. Soup specialists the lot of them.

ANNIE

(PLAYFULLY, TO TED:) Stop it you!

TED AND DARREN LAUGH.

PEGGY

All we do know is that someone has bought it. Let's just be grateful for that.

ANNIE

Here here!

LISA ENTERS THE PUB. SHE RUSHES BECAUSE SHE IS LATE. PEGGY STARES, HER EYES FOLLOWING LISA AS SHE GOES BEHIND THE BAR.

PEGGY

(SERIOUSLY:) Where have you been lady?

CUT TO:

SCENE 3. INT. DAY. THE CORNER SHOP (GEORGE'S SHOP).

GEORGE IS STACKING BOXES AND TINS. THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY EMPTY AND NOT REAL GOODS AT ALL.

THERE IS A PROMINENT DISPLAY OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF SOUPS IN CANS, ALL SHOWING THE MCRIFE'S LOGO.

DAVID ENTERS THE SHOP. HE IS CARRYING HIS BRIEF CASE, A SAXOPHONE CASE, AND A MAGAZINE UNDER HIS ARM.

GEORGE

Hello there David. What can I get you?

DAVID

A tin of your finest leguminous plant seeds please George.

GEORGE SIGHS.

GEORGE

A can of peas, you mean?

DAVID

(BRIGHTLY:) Exactly.

GEORGE SELECTS A TIN AND SERVES DAVID IN FRONT OF THE COUNTER.

GEORGE

Thirty pence then please.

GEORGE OFFERS DAVID THE TIN WHILE TRYING TO TAKE A 50p COIN OFF OF HIM. THE RESULT IS THAT DAVID DROPS HIS MAGAZINE. GEORGE TAKES THE MONEY, GIVES DAVID THE CAN OF PEAS, AND PICKS UP THE MAGAZINE. WE SEE THAT THE TITLE OF THE MAGAZINE IS "LONELY." GEORGE, A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSED, ROLLS THE MAGAZINE UP QUICKLY AND HANDS IT BACK TO DAVID. GEORGE GOES BEHIND THE COUNTER, OPENS THE TILL AND HANDS DAVID HIS CHANGE.

DAVID

Thank you.

GEORGE

So er, out of school early today then?

DAVID

The encroachment upon one's private life that one never expects when training.

GEORGE LOOKS DUMFOUNDED.

DAVID

They never told us about it.

GEORGE LOOKS DUMFOUNDED.

DAVID

Marking, George. This afternoon is my free afternoon, only I'll be tethered if not captivated by a pile of thirty student essays.

GEORGE

Oh well. Good luck then. I was never very good at essays.

DAVID

And my students are?

DAVID LAUGHS AT HIS OWN "JOKE."

GEORGE

No, I could never read the fella I was copying from's writing.

GEORGE LAUGHS HEARTILY.

DAVID

Thank you George. Goodbye.

DAVID LEAVES THE SHOP.

GEORGE

Bye then David.

CUT TO:

SCENE 4. EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE THE CORNER SHOP (GEORGE'S SHOP).

IRIS IS PICKING UP SMALL PIECES OF LITTER FROM THE STREET AND PUTTING THEM INTO HER HANDBAG.

DAVID COMES OUT OF GEORGE'S SHOP AND WALKS OFF (IRIS HAS HER BACK TO HIM AND DOES NOT SEE HIM).

AFTER A SECOND OR TWO, IRIS DOES TURN AND SEES ETHAN, DRESSED IN A TRACK SUIT, COMING TOWARDS HER. HE IS JOGGING.

IRIS

Ooh, hello doctor!

ETHAN

Hello there Mrs Dottle.

ETHAN JOGS OFF.

COLIN, IN A CHEERY MOOD, STROLLS UP THE STREET.

IRIS

Hello Lanky! How are you?

COLIN

I'm fine thanks Iris. Just popping in for quick drink.

IRIS

Have one for me while you're there.

COLIN SMILES AND CARRIES ON TOWARDS THE PUB.

CUT TO:

SCENE 5. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

CEDRIC AND ANNIE HAVE MOVED TO A TABLE BY THEMSELVES. DARREN AND TED ARE PROPPING UP THE BAR.

PAUL IS SEEN WALKING AWAY FROM THE BAR HAVING JUST PAID PEGGY FOR ANOTHER PLATE OF FOOD. HE RE-TAKES HIS SEAT.

LISA HANDS SOME CHANGE TO AN EXTRA.

COLIN ENTERS THE PUB AND WALKS UP TO THE BAR. LISA RUSHES TO SERVE HIM.

LISA

Your usual lager top then is it my sweetheart?

COLIN

(BASHFULLY) Er yes!

LISA

Been working hard?

COLIN

Yes. I suppose I have.

LISA

(SLOWLY / SEXILY / SEDUCTIVELY:) I like to see a man that's been working hard satisfy his thirst with a long cold beer.

COLIN

Yes.

LISA

There you go. One pound twenty please.

COLIN HANDS LISA TWO POUND COINS.

LISA

(PURRING:) Thank you.

COLIN

(STUTTERING:) I would ask you to have one yourself, but I haven't been to the bank machine yet. (A BEAT) I think I've forgotten my card number anyway.

LISA

That's all right. Just having you here is enough.

PEGGY, IN THE BACKGROUND, HAS OVERHEARD WHAT LISA HAS SAID. SHE RAISES HER EYEBROWS.

PEGGY

Come on Lisa, what are you doing?

LISA

Perks of the job.

PEGGY

You're not seriously after Colin?

LISA LAUGHS

LISA

He smells like a bag of onions.

PEGGY LAUGHS

LISA

About the same size as one too.

PEGGY

You be careful. I don't want you turning my customers away.

LISA

Far from it. You're the same.

PEGGY

Yes but I know what the line is and where to draw it.

LISA

So do I.

LISA GRINS AT PEGGY, THEN SWITCHES TO HER "SULTRY" FACE TO HAND COLIN HIS CHANGE.

LISA

There you go. Now. Tell me what you've been up to all morning. Lots of manual work I expect?

SWITCH TO:

CLOSE UP OF CEDRIC NOT REALLY CONCENTRATING ON WHAT ANNIE IS SAYING.

ANNIE

(OOV) I wonder if they'll keep everybody on?

FADE TO:

SCENE 6. EXT. DAY. A BATTLEFIELD.

THIS SCENE IS SHOT ENTIRELY IN SEPIA. VERY FAINT NOISE OF BATTLE IN BACKGROUND, WITH REVERB.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.2 (VERSION 1) IN BACKGROUND, BEHIND BATTLE NOISE.

CLOSE UP OF TWO SOLDIERS. WE DO NOT SEE THEIR FACES HEAD ON - NO EYE CONTACT WITH THE CAMERA.

ONE OF THE SOLDIERS SPEAKS TO THE OTHER. HIS VOICE IS FAINT AND IS HEARD WITH REVERB.

SOLDIER 1

After three - one, two, three!

BOTH SOLDIERS RUN OFF INTO BATTLE, AWAY FROM THE CAMERA.

FADE TO:

SCENE 7. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

PAUL IS STILL EATING.

COLIN IS STARING AT LISA'S EVERY MOVE. LISA IS NOT LOOKING BACK, BUT SHE KNOWS AND IS ENJOYING TEASING HIM.

ALL OF THE CONVERSATIONS IN THE PUB ARE CURTAILED WITH THE ARRIVAL OF GREG, RUE AND BETHANY BANGLE.

RUE

(TO GREG:) Are you sure this is the place?

GREG

There's only one pub in this street.

GREG LEADS HIS FAMILY UP TO THE BAR.

GREG

G'day! Mrs Pearly?

PEGGY

That's me!

GREG OFFERS PEGGY HIS HAND. PEGGY AND GREG SHAKE HANDS.

GREG

I'm Greg Bangle. We've rented...

PEGGY

The annexe, yes. (A BEAT) I was expecting you. I should have guessed as soon as you walked in the door.

GREG

What, do we dress like holiday makers?

PEGGY

No! Your strange accents I mean.

GREG

We're the first Australians to come to Watercress then are we?

PEGGY

Other than on the TV, it's very likely.

TED

I knew you were Australian.

DARREN

(SMUGLY:) How?

DARREN SNIGGERS

GREG

Good.

TED

Will you be staying for long?

GREG

Yeah, I heard this was a hospitable country. (A BEAT) We've rented the annexe for two weeks - if that helps you any.

TED

No, I meant maybe you need showing round? Or some help?

RUE

Yes.

TED

Good!

RUE

Could you get our bags in from the car, just outside?

PEGGY

Well done Ted! Take them round the back way will you.

TED GRUNTS, AND LEAVES THE PUB.

PEGGY

I'll show you through if you like. You've got your own front door round the back of course. It opens out onto Regent Road.

RUE

I really need some toothpaste, some blue shoe polish, and I'd love a choc ice. Is there anywhere I can get those?

GREG

They're urgent of course?

RUE

Well yes I do need them.

PEGGY

There's George's shop down the street a ways.

GREG

OK. You and Bethany go through, and I'll nip out to the store. Bethany - do you want anything love?

BETHANY

(A BIT DOWN:) No thanks dad.

PEGGY TAKES RUE AND BETHANY OUT THE BACK. GREG LEAVES THE PUB AND PASSES TED STRUGGLING IN WITH THE BANGLES' CASES.

LOUIE KEEPS UP HIS FURTIVE STANCE, HOLDING AN EMPTY BEER GLASS.

CUT TO:

SCENE 8. INT. DAY. THE CORNER SHOP (GEORGE'S SHOP).

GEORGE HAS RESUMED STACKING. GREG ENTERS THE SHOP. HE LOOKS AT THE SOUP DISPLAY AND SMILES.

GEORGE

Hello. What can I get you?

GREG

Do you have blue shoe polish?

GEORGE SMILES.

GEORGE

Knew it'd come in handy one day.

GEORGE GOES BEHIND THE COUNTER AND DIGS OUT A SMALL TIN OF BLUE SHOE POLISH.

GEORGE

You're from Australia?

GREG SMILES BUT DOESN'T ANSWER.

GEORGE

Or is it New Zealand? I never can quite tell the difference.

GREG

Right the first time mate. That's a nice display you have there.

GEORGE

What? Oh the soup! Yes, it's made locally. It's sold nationally, but Watercress is the home of McRife's soups. We're quite proud of that.

GREG HOLDS OUT HIS HAND. GEORGE HAS A CONFUSED LOOK ON HIS FACE.

GREG

My name's Greg Bangle.

GEORGE

Er, George Stable.

GREG AND GEORGE SHAKE HANDS.

GREG

I'm the new owner of McRife's Soups.

GEORGE LOOKS ASTONISHED.

CUT TO:

SCENE 9. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

TED BRINGS IN A VANITY CASE, THE LAST OF THE BANGLES' LUGGAGE, AND HANDS IT TO RUE. RUE SMILES AS TED SITS, ALMOST COLLAPSING, ON TO A BAR STOOL.

COLIN IS STILL LOOKING AT LISA, HIS DRINK HARDLY TOUCHED. SHE BEGINS TO LOOK AT HIM AS SHE WORKS. COLIN LOOKS EMBARRASSED.

DARREN IS STILL AT THE BAR.

RUE IS SAT AT THE BAR, AND BETHANY IS SAT NEAR TO HER LOOKING BORED.

RUE

I owe you a drink. Whatever you want it's on me.

TED

Thank you. I'll have a pint of bitter then, please Peggy.

RUE

I'm sorry - I didn't ask your name.

TED

Ted Salt.

RUE

My name's Rue Bangle. That was my husband Greg you saw a few minutes ago, and this is our daughter Bethany.

BETHANY GIVES A BRIEF FORCED SMILE.

PEGGY GIVES TED HIS PINT. RUE OPENS HER HANDBAG TO PAY FOR THE DRINK. PEGGY SMILES AND SHAKES HER HEAD - THE DRINK IS ON THE HOUSE. RUE SMILES AND CLOSES HER HANDBAG.

THE PHONE RINGS AT THE BAR. PEGGY ANSWERS THE PHONE.

PEGGY

"The Leek and Potato" Public House. Oh, hello George.

GREG COMES BACK INTO THE PUB FROM THE SHOP WITH THE ITEMS THAT RUE WANTED.

PEGGY PUTS THE PHONE DOWN. GREG APPROACHES THE BAR AND HAS A QUIET WORD WITH PEGGY.

LOUIE EYES UP BETHANY.

WE CAN SEE PEGGY AND GREG CONTINUING TO TALK WHILE TED AND RUE TALK.

SWITCH TO:

RUE

So Ted... do you work around here?

TED

I used to, but not any more.

RUE

You work in the next village?

TED

No. I was made redundant.

RUE

Oh.

TED

The only real work I do now is deciding how to spend my redundancy money.

RUE AND TED LAUGH.

TED

No, seriously... I do have business ideas. I'm just waiting. I don't want to rush into anything

RUE

Yeah, good plan.

PEGGY AND GREG STOP TALKING. PEGGY CLEARS HER THROAT.

PEGGY

(LOUDLY AGAINST BACKGROUND CHATTER) Listen everybody! Can I have everybody's attention please!

THE NOISE QUIETENS DOWN. PEGGY LOWERS HER VOICE A LITTLE.

PEGGY

We've all of us, me included, been gossiping away about who would and wouldn't be taking over McRife's. (A BEAT) So I'm pleased to announce that I want to put an end to it all.

TED

Your pies aren't that bad Peg!

DARREN SNIGGERS.

PEGGY

These two here that you all thought were tourists are Greg and Rue Bangle. They are the new owners of McRife's.

THE CUSTOMERS LOOK FOR A FEW SECONDS. THEN TED INITIATES A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

GREG

And I'd like to say "drinks all round."

TED

Start as you mean to go on Greg mate!

GREG

I guess I mean it then.

SWITCH TO:

ANNIE

Right, I'd better be off then Cedric. I'll see you in here again tonight?

CEDRIC STANDS AS ANNIE GETS UP TO LEAVE.

CEDRIC

Righty ho. You're not stopping for your free drink then?

ANNIE SMILES AT RUE AS RUE HAS OVERHEARD. ANNIE SPEAKS TO CEDRIC SO THAT RUE CAN HEAR.

ANNIE

No. I'm not ungrateful mind, it's just that I've got things to do. (TO RUE:) Thank your husband anyway though.

ANNIE LEAVES THE PUB. CEDRIC SITS DOWN AGAIN. PEGGY HAS POURED CEDRIC A PINT AND HANDS IT TO HIM VIA RUE.

PEGGY

There you go Cedric! Don't go saying that I don't get my priorities right!

CEDRIC SMILES HAPPILY AND SUPS AT HIS PINT.

CUT TO:

SCENE 10. INT. NIGHT. ANNIE'S HALLWAY. LATE EVENING.

THE HALLWAY IS DECORATED IN SHADES OF BROWN. A SLOW TICKING CLOCK CAN BE HEARD.

ANNIE ENTERS THE HALL FROM ANOTHER ROOM AND MAKES READY TO LEAVE HER HOUSE.

THERE IS A LARGE CARDBOARD BOX, ABOUT FIVE FEET HIGH, NEAR TO THE FRONT DOOR PARTIALLY BLOCKING HER EXIT.

ANNIE SQUEEZES BY AND LEAVES HER HOUSE. THE CARDBOARD BOX IS VERY DUSTY. WE SEE SOME OF THE WRITING IN CLOSE UP: "GLOOP & CO. - COMMODES."

CUT TO:

SCENE 11. EXT. NIGHT. THE STREET OUTSIDE ANNIE'S HOUSE.

ANNIE LOCKS HER FRONT DOOR.

A CLAD-IN-BLACK MOTORCYCLIST RIDES PAST HER. ANNIE HAS HER BACK TO THE RIDER, AND DOESN'T NOTICE AS THE RIDER GLANCES OVER AT HER. THE RIDER CARRIES ON AS ANNIE STARTS TO WALK OFF TOWARDS THE PUB.

CUT TO:

SCENE 12. EXT. NIGHT. OUTSIDE OF THE NEWSAGENTS (JEAN'S SHOP).

THE MOTORCYCLIST WHO PASSED ANNIE PULLS UP OUTSIDE THE NEWSAGENTS.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.3 IN BACKGROUND.

THE RIDER TAKES OFF THEIR HELMET. THE RIDER IS FEMALE. SHE SHAKES BACK HER LONG DARK HAIR LIKE KELLY IN THE OPENING TITLES TO THE 70s TV SERIES "CHARLIE'S ANGELS." THE RIDER IS LYNNE.

LYNNE, HOLDING HER HELMET, WALKS UP THE NOTICEBOARD IN THE NEWSAGENTS WINDOW. THE SHOP IS CLOSED. SHE HAS A QUICK SCAN OF THE CARDS IN THE WINDOW, THEN ONE CATCHES HER EYE.

WE SEE A CLOSE UP OF THE CARD WHICH READS: "FLAT TO RENT, APPLY TO THE CAFE."

LYNNE SMILES AND THEN LOOKS AT THE OTHER CLOSED SHOPS AND THE QUIET NATURE OF THE VILLAGE AT THAT TIME OF THE EVENING. SHE SPEAKS TO HERSELF.

LYNNE

Well, well. What a welcome home.

FADE ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.3

SIGNATURE TUNE.

CREDITS.

[END OF EPISODE 1]

[START OF EPISODE 2]

SIGNATURE TUNE.

TITLES.

SCENE 1. INT. DAY. THE ANNEXE KITCHEN. BREAKFAST TIME.

BETHANY [PLAYED BY A DIFFERENT ACTRESS FROM EPISODE 1] IS SAT AT THE KITCHEN TABLE TOYING WITH SOME BREAKFAST CEREAL THAT SHE HAS PREPARED FOR HERSELF. SHE IS DRESSED IN SCHOOL UNIFORM.

GREG, IN HIS DRESSING GOWN, ENTERS THE KITCHEN. HE POTTERS AROUND, LOOKING IN THE CUPBOARDS, AND GLANCES SEVERAL TIMES AT BETHANY WHO STARES AT THE TABLE.

GREG

Bethany, are you OK? Only you look a little odd.

BETHANY

Yeah I'm OK dad.

BETHANY STARTS TO EAT HER BREAKFAST.

GREG PUTS A SAUCEPAN ON THE STOVE AND STARTS TO PLACE INGREDIENTS IN IT. HE LIGHTS THE GAS UNDER THE SAUCEPAN. HE ADDS SOME MORE INGREDIENTS AND STIRS THE MIXTURE, TASTING IT AT INTERVALS.

BETHANY

That smells awful.

GREG SMILES. RUE STAGGERS INTO THE KITCHEN AS IF SUFFERING FOR A HEAVY BOUT OF DRINKING THE NIGHT BEFORE. SHE'S IN HER DRESSING GOWN TOO.

RUE

Poo! What on earth are you doing Greg?

BETHANY

That's your breakfast mum.

GREG

I'm inventing a new soup.

RUE

Oh for goodness sake! At this time, on the kitchen stove?

GREG

Everyone has to start somewhere. Many a famous invention started life in someone's kitchen or somebody's garage.

BETHANY

Smells like that one started in somebody's bottom.

RUE

Why don't you take that out into the garage then?

GREG

We don't have one, not until we move into our house here.

BETHANY

We haven't even got a car yet either.

RUE SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE.

GREG

I do intend to do market research and tinker in the labs at work, but this is at the prototype stage at the moment.

RUE

Can't you fast forward it a bit? Jump a few stages of its evolution?

GREG

I've got to get the basics right. In any case I can't afford to spend too much money on this or anything until we sell our place in Melbourne.

RUE

Shouldn't you be concentrating on running the business as it stands then?

GREG

You know that one of the reasons we got the money in the first place was due to my guarantee that we'd produce a new McRife's flavour. Major advertising, and so on. McRife's for the twenty first century.

RUE

I still don't understand that.

GREG

I'll explain it when you're sober.

RUE

I'm not drunk. I've just got one of my heads.

BETHANY

The one that's been soaked in alcohol.

RUE

Shouldn't you be off to school?

GREG

Finish your breakfast first.

BETHANY

I have finished.

BETHANY GETS UP, COLLECTS HER SCHOOL BAG, AND KISSES HER DAD. RUE RESTS HER HEAD DOWN ON THE TABLE.

BETHANY

Bye then dad.

GREG IS STILL STIRRING AND TASTING.

GREG

Uh huh.

BETHANY KISSES GREG.

GREG

Oh, sorry. Bye love. Have you got everything?

BETHANY

Yes.

GREG

And you know where you're going and what you're doing?

BETHANY

Yes.

GREG

Good. Take care then. I hope it goes well for you. Don't ruin too many lives on your first day.

BETHANY

Bye then.

BETHANY LEAVES.

GREG

Come on Rue! You've got to look at the company ledgers today. And where's that "Teach Yourself Accounts" book gone?

CUT TO:

SCENE 2. EXT. DAY. WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

BETHANY IS SITTING ON A BENCH AWAY FROM THE SHOPS. DAVID APPROACHES, CARRYING HIS BRIEF CASE.

DAVID

Good morning young lady. Should you not be on your way to school?

BETHANY LOOKS DAGGERS AT DAVID.

DAVID

I myself am journeying to that hallowed ground.

BETHANY IS NOT IMPRESSED.

BETHANY

What, you're going to church?

DAVID

No. I'm one of that dubiously honoured workforce of academics that you'd call teachers.

BETHANY

(UNDER HER BREATH:) No I wouldn't, actually.

DAVID

Mr Nubble.

DAVID HOLDS OUT HIS HAND FOR BETHANY TO SHAKE IT. SHE IGNORES HIM. DAVID PUTS HIS HAND DOWN.

DAVID

You're that Australian girl, aren't you?

BETHANY NODS RELUCTANTLY.

DAVID

You'd never know it from your accent.

BETHANY

I'm young. I pick up regional dialects really quickly.

LYNNE RIDES UP SLOWLY ON HER MOTORBIKE. SHE LOOKS AT BETHANY. BETHANY LOOKS AT LYNNE. LYNNE RIDES ON PAST.

BETHANY

(SHOWING GENUINE INTEREST:) Who was that?

DAVID

If I'm not mistaken... a face from the past. Lynne Wilder.

DAVID PONDERS FOR A MOMENT, AS IF IN A TRANCE.

DAVID

Will you accompany me?

BETHANY

I don't know any songs from the sixties. Anyway, I'm waiting for a lift.

DAVID

Very well. We'll probably meet again.

DAVID WALKS AWAY. BETHANY MAKES A FACE AT HIM BEHIND HIS BACK.

CUT TO:

SCENE 3. INT. DAY. THE YOUNGBLOODS' FRONT ROOM.

NO ONE IS HOME. WE SEE THE SMALL SOFA, BUT IT ONLY HAS TWO CUSHIONS ON IT. THERE IS A GAP ON THE SOFA WHERE THE THIRD CUSHION HAS BEEN REMOVED.

CUT TO:

SCENE 4. INT. DAY. THE CORNER SHOP (GEORGE'S SHOP).

GEORGE IS BEHIND THE COUNTER. IRIS IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE COUNTER. BARBARA IS LOOKING AT THE FRUIT.

JANIE ENTERS THE SHOP. SHE IS "PREGNANT." (THE CUSHION FROM HER FRONT ROOM IS UP HER JUMPER).

BARBARA

(WARMLY:) Hello Janie!

JANIE

Hello Barbara.

JANIE STANDS THERE LOOKING A BIT LOST.

BARBARA

(VERY FRIENDLY:) This fruit is just like plastic. It's a wonder he sells any at all.

BARBARA RUBS A PEACH AGAINST THE SIDE OF HER FACE.

BARBARA

(SEXILY:) Oooh.

JANIE

Perhaps he doesn't.

BARBARA

It'd save him having to fork out on buying new stock, that's for sure. Then, if we were feeling hungry, we could come in and pay George a few pence to handle it.

JANIE LAUGHS. SHE TAKES A COUPLE OF CANS OF SOUP FROM THE DISPLAY AND GOES UP TO THE COUNTER. BARBARA LOOKS LONGINGLY AT JANIE AS JANIE WALKS AWAY FROM HER. IRIS BEGINS TO POLISH THE COUNTER.

GEORGE

Hello there Janie. How's the baby doing?

JANIE

Oh OK.

JANIE PATS HER STOMACH GENTLY.

JANIE

Any day now in fact.

IRIS IS EARWIGGING. GEORGE HOLDS HIS SMILE HAVING COME THE END OF HIS BRIEF MATERNAL CHIT-CHAT.

JANIE

Just these please George.

GEORGE

Eighty four pence then please love.

JANIE GIVES GEORGE A POUND COIN. BARBARA APPROACHES THE COUNTER AND BRUSHES SEDUCTIVELY BEHIND JANIE, HOLDING JANIE'S HIPS MOMENTARILY. JANIE IS OBLIVIOUS TO THIS. GEORGE GIVES JANIE HER CHANGE.

GEORGE

There you go.

JANIE

Thank you. Bye then. Bye Barbara.

JANIE LEAVES THE SHOP. BARBARA LOOKS, WITH SMOULDERING EYES, AT GEORGE. GEORGE LOOKS AWAY AT IRIS, THEN BACK AT BARBARA (WHO IS STILL LOOKING SENSUOUS), THEN QUICKLY BACK AT IRIS AGAIN.

CUT TO:

SCENE 6. INT. DAY. THE CAFE. LUNCH TIME.

MOIRA AND SEAN ARE BUSY WORKING. LOUIE IS SITTING AT ONE OF THE TABLES, FINISHING HIS MEAL. THE OTHER CUSTOMERS ARE PLAYED BY EXTRAS.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.4 (VERSION 1) IS PLAYING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.

LOUIE FINISHES HIS MEAL AND GOES TO LEAVE. AS HE GETS TO THE DOOR DANIEL IS COMING IN. THEY PASS EACHOTHER ON THE DOORWAY.

LOUIE

Hello "Big D."

DANIEL

All right Louie.

DANIEL WALKS UP TO THE COUNTER.

DANIEL

(TO MOIRA:) OK?

MOIRA

We're busy but I'm OK, yes.

DANIEL

Only, you were in a bit of a huff this morning and I was wondering whether you'd got it out of your system yet?

MOIRA

I wasn't in a huff Daniel. You were the one who stormed out.

DANIEL

So you haven't calmed down yet. (A BEAT) I suppose this means that you haven't got my dinner ready then?

MOIRA

You didn't say what you wanted. And you normally tell me what time you're coming in.

DANIEL

So the answer's "no" then?

MOIRA

If you want it in one word then yes, the answer is no. (A BEAT) Whatever I made it'd have been wrong. Look, sit down and I'll make you something in a minute.

DANIEL

I want something to eat now. Sean, can't you do it?

SEAN

I'm really rushed dad. We've got customers waiting.

DANIEL

So what am I then, and what am I doing?

MOIRA

In a few minutes, I'll cook you something. Go on Dan, sit down.

DANIEL

Come on, just chuck some eggs in a pan or give them to me raw. I'll eat them raw. Come on, I've got some real graft to get back to.

MOIRA

What, and this isn't work I take it.

DANIEL LAUGHS.

DANIEL

Not like mine it isn't, no. Or, if you want it in one word, no.

MOIRA

Well why don't we swap for a day and then let's see what you say.

DANIEL

What! You two on a building site! Twinkle toes and the actress?

SOME OF THE CUSTOMERS LOOKS ROUND.

MOIRA

Daniel, I'm warning you. Not in here.

DANIEL

(CROSSLY:) Don't worry. I won't do or say anything in here. And no I can't wait. I'll get a pie from Stable's shop.

DANIEL GOES TO LEAVE.

DANIEL

I'll deduct the cost from the housekeeping.

DANIEL LEAVES.

MOIRA

(TO SEAN:) Your father can be an arsehole sometimes.

SEAN HAS OBVIOUSLY HEARD HIS FATHER'S INSULT AND LOOKS UPSET. HE DOESN'T ANSWER HIS MOTHER.

CUT TO:

SCENE 7. ANNIE'S FRONT ROOM.

ANNIE'S FRONT ROOM IS DECORATED IN SHADES OF BROWN, WITH A CREAM PAINTED WINDOW FRAME AND BOTTLE GREEN CURTAINS. THE VIEW FROM THE EAST FACING WINDOW IS OF A SMALL WELL KEPT GARDEN.

THE TABLECLOTH ON A ROUND TABLE IS OF BURGUNDY AND BLACK VELVET WITH A FRILLY WHITE LACE EDGE.

ANNIE IS SAT AT THE TABLE ACROSS FROM LYNNE. THEY EACH HAVE A (BONE CHINA) CUP OF TEA IN FRONT OF THEM. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON THE TABLE.

ANNIE

So how are you going to support yourself? The money that your granddad left for you is tied up until you're twenty one.

LYNNE SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS IN A "YEAH, SO WHAT?" KIND OF WAY.

ANNIE

And where are you going to live? You certainly can't live here.

LYNNE

I've already been looking at a few places. And as for money... well, I've got my photography and my research work.

ANNIE

And that's how you got that death trap of a bike was it?

LYNNE

No. A friend of a friend of mine has gone into prison and he won't be needing it for a while.

ANNIE

Oh charming! (A BEAT) So tell me then... why didn't you go back to Australia with your return ticket?

LYNNE

I thought this was coming.

ANNIE

You don't expect me not to ask do you?

LYNNE

Ooh, too many negatives! I don't think you want me around gran.

ANNIE

Your dad had everything planned.

LYNNE

Yeah, exactly. Seven years I was over there. Seven years when all I wanted was to be back here.

ANNIE

Oh come on! You loved it.

LYNNE

There were some good times, but like you said it's as if everything was planned. I'm an individual gran. (A BEAT) I couldn't believe it when dad said he'd pay for a ticket. I thought I was dreaming. My escape plan came true without having to save up for it. I knew, as soon as he told me, that I'd never go back there again.

ANNIE

Well, you'd better get yourself sorted that's all I can say.

LYNNE DRINKS SOME OF HER TEA.

ANNIE

And why did you change your name to Wilder? Are you ashamed of your family name?

LYNNE

What, Bunce! Are you kidding! "Lynne Bunce the classroom dunce" I got called.

ANNIE

You're far from being stupid.

LYNNE

I couldn't wait to change it. It's a stupid name.

ANNIE

It's your father's name.

LYNNE

It's not your name though is it? The one you were born with. So why are you getting so het up?

ANNIE

And what made you choose the name Wilder, or shouldn't I ask?

LYNNE

No, I'm glad you asked. I was gonna write the reason in my autobiography...

ANNIE IS AMUSED BY LYNNE'S ARROGANCE.

ANNIE

Dearie me!

LYNNE

... But I'll tell you now so that you don't have to wait 'til it's published. No matter how wild all the rest of them get... I'll always be Wilder.

ANNIE

Tell that to the man you marry.

LYNNE FINISHES HER TEA.

LYNNE

Right, I've got to go now.

LYNNE GETS UP, KISSES HER GRAN AND GOES TO LEAVE. BEFORE LEAVING THE ROOM, LYNNE PAUSES AND TAKES SOMETHING OUT OF HER INSIDE JACKET POCKET. IT'S A WHITE ENVELOPE.

LYNNE

Oh gran... you're so concerned about that return ticket. You have it.

LYNNE TOSSES THE ENVELOPE ONTO THE TABLE.

ANNIE

But Lynne dear...

LYNNE

Bye gran. See you soon.

LYNNE LEAVES. ANNIE SIGHS.

CUT TO:

SCENE 8. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

ETHAN, DRESSED IN A SUIT, IS SAT AT A TABLE EATING. TED AND BRENDA ARE SITTING AT ANOTHER TABLE TOGETHER, CLOSE TO THE BAR. BRENDA HAS HER BACK TO THE COUNTER. DARREN, DRESSED IN HIS BLUE OVERALLS, IS AT THE BAR. THE TV IS ON.

LOUIE ENTERS THE PUB AND WATCHES THE TV WHILE HE IS WAITING TO BE SERVED. LISA IS SERVING DARREN, PEGGY IS NOT THERE.

EXTRAS PLAY THE OTHER CUSTOMERS.

LISA

So don't you eat at home any more? This is twice recently that I've caught you. In here, that is.

DARREN

I was getting into a bit of a routine. A bit boring. A man has to break free.

LISA

Ooh I know what you mean. Like a wild animal you mean.

DARREN

That's it, yeah.

LISA

One they try to tame but they just can't.

DARREN SMILES.

LISA

(SEDUCTIVELY:) They think that they have though don't they, and just at that moment... with one rebellious roar you're away.

DARREN

Yep. You've got it.

LISA

Well it's nice to see you in here in the flesh, instead of me having to imagine you being here. A young man amongst young men.

DARREN

Heyepp! No Peggy today?

LISA

No.

DARREN

No one to breathe down your neck.

LISA

No. I'm very particular who I let breathe down my neck. Darren.

DARREN

You have a list then do you?

LISA

Hasn't every girl?

DARREN

It's no good asking me.

LISA

You're not telling me you're not experienced?

DARREN

Oh no, not that...

LISA

I bet you're on a few girls' lists.

DARREN LOOKS CHUFFED.

DARREN

I might be. So... am I on yours then? Or what?

LOUIE

Lisa? Can you get us a drink then?

LISA LOOKS IRKED.

LISA

(TO DARREN:) I'll be back soon.

DARREN

Right!

LISA GOES TO SERVE LOUIE. TED COMES UP TO THE BAR TO GET ANOTHER ROUND FOR BRENDA AND HIMSELF.

TED

(TO DARREN:) I'm not one for songs me...

DARREN

(SARCASTICALLY:) Go on!

TED

But I'm reminded of one by Elkie Brooks. (SPEAKS:) "Who's making love to your old lady, while you are out making lerv."

DARREN

I don't think I've 'eard that one.

TED

It was playing very loudly here a minute ago. You've got a pretty wife at home lad.

DARREN LOOKS PENSIVE. LISA FINISHES SERVING LOUIE AND COMES BACK TO DARREN AND TED. LISA WINKS AT DARREN BUT DOESN'T STOP TO SEE THAT HE DOESN'T RESPOND.

LISA

(TO TED:) Yes Ted. What can I get you?

SWITCH TO:

LOUIE HAS STARTED TO DRINK HIS WHISKY. WE HEAR THE TV.

TV PROGRAMME

"Police today issued a computer generated impression of a man they want to interview regarding several cases of fraud in the area..."

LOUIE BOLTS HIS DRINK DOWN AND RUNS OUT OF THE PUB. WE SEE THE FACE ON TV WHICH IS NOTHING LIKE LOUIE'S.

CUT TO:

SCENE 9. INT. DAY. THE NEWSAGENTS (JEAN'S SHOP)

JEAN BODILY STEERS A CHILD OUT OF HER SHOP BY PUSHING HIM AROUND BY HIS SHOULDERS. SHE SHUTS THE DOOR FIRMLY BEHIND HIM, DUSTS HER HANDS OFF, THEN GOES BEHIND HER COUNTER TO SORT OUT SOME "SAVED" MAGAZINES. AFTER A FEW MOMENTS LOUIE RUSHES IN. IS HE OUT OF BREATH AND SWEATY.

JEAN

(VERY WORRIED:) What do you want, Louie?

LOUIE

I've, er...

LOUIE LOOKS ANXIOUSLY OUT OF THE SHOP DOOR GLASS. WE SEE A SHADOW OF SOMEONE WALK BY OUTSIDE.

LOUIE

Is me magazine in yet?

JEAN

Which magazine? I don't keep a magazine by for you.

LOUIE

Oh, haven't I ordered it yet then?

JEAN

Not that I'm aware of. Do you want to do it now, while I've got my order book out.

LOUIE

Oh er, yes. OK then.

CUT TO:

SCENE 10. EXT. DAY. WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

BETHANY IS SITTING DOWN ON THE EDGE OF A PAVEMENT ON A QUIET ROAD. SHE IS SAD AND DEPRESSED, STARING AT THE GROUND. SHE LOOKS UP AS SHE HEARS A MOTORBIKE APPROACH. IT'S LYNNE. LYNNE SLOWS DOWN AND COMES TO A HALT BY BETHANY. BETHANY LOOKS UP. LYNNE RAISES HER HELMET VISOR.

LYNNE

Hello there little soul sister!

BETHANY SMILES A GENUINE SMILE.

BETHANY

Hi there.

LYNNE TURNS THE BIKE ENGINE OFF.

BETHANY

Is that your bike?

LYNNE

For the moment, yeah.

BETHANY

Oh.

LYNNE

You look as down as I feel.

BETHANY

You. Down? You don't look it.

LYNNE

What, I'm Miss Happy Face am I?

BETHANY

No, that's me!

LYNNE AND BETHANY LAUGH.

LYNNE

It happens to us all. Do you want to come for a ride?

BETHANY NODS HER HEAD. SHE GETS UP AND LYNNE DETACHES THE OTHER HELMET FROM THE BIKE. SHE HANDS THE HELMET TO BETHANY. BETHANY PUTS THE HELMET ON, AND CLIMBS ON THE BACK OF THE BIKE.

LYNNE

All set?

BETHANY

Yep.

LYNNE STARTS THE BIKE, AND THE TWO RIDE OFF.

CUT TO:

SCENE 11. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

DARREN HAS LEFT THE PUB. TED IS SITTING WITH BRENDA AS BEFORE. GREG ENTERS AND APPROACHES THE BAR.

TED

What was it you were saying, Bren?

BRENDA

About this new chap, this Didgeridingo man. I've heard a rumour that he's going for a new line.

TED

That's good isn't it?

BRENDA

New lines cost money don't they. And what's wrong with the old ones, I want to know. We're not in the business of making new soups at McRife's. And where does the money come from? I'll tell you. Either they sack someone or they cut our wages.

TED

But it's just a rumour, right?

BRENDA

If there's one thing you can rely on in life it's the accuracy of a McRife's rumour. Meg Wilkins didn't know who the father of her baby was. We did. (A BEAT) I might have to seek a branch ruling on this one.

GREG, HAVING GOT HIS DRINK, APPROACHES TED AND BRENDA. TED SMILES AND SIGNALS TO BRENDA TO QUIETEN DOWN AND TURN AROUND.

BRENDA

What?

GREG

G'day. Brenda, isn't it? Everything OK?

BRENDA

Ooh yes thank you Mr Bangle. And you?

GREG

I'm fine.

BRENDA

And Mrs Bangle?

GREG

Ah, she's busy with the accounts. A nip here, a tuck there. Hopefully saving the company some money somewhere along the line.

BRENDA

Oh that's good.

SWITCH TO:

WIDER ANGLE OF THE PUB. ETHAN HAS FINISHED HIS MEAL.

TV PROGRAMME

"And finally showbiz. Actor August Rogue, famous for his doctor roles in several TV soaps, has announced that he is quitting the little screen to spend more time in the theatre..."

ETHAN GETS UP TO LEAVE. HE CARRIES HIS DOCTORS' BAG. ETHAN LEAVES THE PUB. WE SEE THE FACE ON THE TV. IT IS ETHAN.

CUT TO:

SCENE 12. EXT. NIGHT. WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

DAVID IS WAITING IN A QUIET STREET, WITH A ROLLED UP MAGAZINE UNDER HIS ARM. HE CHECKS THE TIME ON HIS WATCH. HE STRETCHES UP ON TIP TOE TO EXERCISE HIS CALVES AND THEN APPEARS TO RUN ON THE SPOT WITHOUT LIFTING HIS FEET OFF OF THE GROUND.

AN ATTRACTIVE YOUNG LADY WALKS TOWARDS DAVID. SHE AND DAVID EXCHANGE SMILES AS SHE ALMOST COMES TO A HALT IN FRONT OF HIM. SHE WALKS ON BY, AND DAVID'S EYES FOLLOW HER.

DAVID ADJUSTS HIS COLLAR WITH HIS FINGER, THEN HE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH. HE RESUMES HIS WAITING POSITION AND EXERCISES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 13. EXT. NIGHT. WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

WE SEE THE YOUNG LADY THAT SMILED AT DAVID ENTER ANOTHER STREET. SHE WALKS UP TO A RUBBISH BIN THAT IS ATTACHED TO A BUS STOP SIGN. SHE SHOVES A MAGAZINE INTO THE BIN AND WALKS OFF. WE SEE THAT THE TITLE OF THE MAGAZINE IS "NOT THAT LONELY."

CUT TO:

SCENE 14. INT. NIGHT. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

THE PUB IS VIRTUALLY EMPTY. DARREN, DRESSED IN HIS BLUE OVERALLS, IS AT THE BAR. PEGGY IS COVERING UP THE PUMPS. (LISA HAS ALREADY LEFT THE PUB). THE SMALL NUMBER OF OTHER CUSTOMERS ARE PLAYED BY EXTRAS.

PEGGY

Come on! All of you out! Darren, off you go poppet. You're already half chiselled.

DARREN

Yeah, you're right.

DARREN PUTS HIS EMPTY BEER GLASS DOWN ON THE COUNTER IN A MACHO "WELL, THAT'S ME FOURTEEN PINTS FOR TONIGHT AND I'M STILL STANDING" KIND OF A WAY. A FEW WOOD SHAVINGS FALL OUT OF HIS CUFF AS HE DOES SO.

DARREN

Goodnight Peggy.

PEGGY

Goodnight.

PEGGY SMILES TO HERSELF AND SHAKES HER HEAD DISBELIEVINGLY.

DARREN LEAVES THE PUB.

CUT TO:

SCENE 15. EXT. NIGHT. WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

WE FOLLOW DAVID AS HE WALKS HOME ALONE. HE LOOKS DEJECTED. HE ARRIVES AT HIS HOME. THERE ARE NO LIGHTS ON IN THE HOUSE. HE UNLOCKS HIS FRONT DOOR AND GOES IN.

AFTER A FEW SECONDS WE SEE A DIM LIGHT GO ON IN THE BEDROOM BEHIND A PAIR OF CLOSED, FAIRLY THIN, BLUE CURTAINS. THEN WE SEE DAVID IN SILHOUETTE PROFILE PLAYING HIS SAXOPHONE.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.5 IS HEARD COMING FROM THE BEDROOM.

CUT TO:

SCENE 16. INT. NIGHT. THE YOUNGBLOODS' HALLWAY.

DARREN ARRIVES HOME FROM THE PUB. HE IS SLIGHTLY DRUNK. THE PASTEL COLOURED HALLWAY IS LIT BY A SMALL LAMP ON A TABLE. DARREN ENTERS QUIETLY AND SHUTS THE FRONT DOOR BEHIND HIM. HE CREEPS UP TO THE LIVING ROOM DOOR WHERE HE CAN HEAR JANIE TALKING.

JANIE

(OOV) So, it's just you and me. Darren must never know about any of this.

JANIE LAUGHS.

JANIE

He'd go mad.

DARREN WALKS OVER TO THE PHONE IN THE HALLWAY. HE PICKS UP THE RECEIVER. HE HEARS THE DIALLING TONE, SO JANIE CAN'T BE TALKING TO ANYONE ON THE EXTENSION PHONE. DARREN TALKS TO HIMSELF.

DARREN

Right then, plan "B."

DARREN LEAVES THE HOUSE AS QUIETLY AS HE ENTERED.

CUT TO:

SCENE 17. EXT. NIGHT. THE YOUNGBLOODS' BACK YARD.

CEDRIC IS OUTSIDE IN HIS BACK YARD, WHICH IS SEPARATED FROM THE YOUNGBLOODS' YARD BY LOW WALL. THE YOUNGBLOODS' BACK YARD IS A BIT OF A MESS WITH PIECES OF TIMBER AND BLACK BIN LINERS FULL OF RUBBISH STREWN ABOUT.

DARREN APPROACHES. HE WANTS TO SPY ON JANIE THROUGH THE WINDOW (ALTHOUGH THE CURTAINS ARE CLOSED). DARREN DOES NOT SEE CEDRIC STRAIGHT AWAY.

CEDRIC

Darren? Is that you?

DARREN

Oh... evening Ced.

CEDRIC

When are you going to clear your back yard up? It's an eyesore you know.

DARREN

Yeah, I will do it.

CEDRIC

It's just that you've got so much rubbish out here. Why don't you put it out for the bin men like everyone else? You must have several weeks worth there. And those wood shavings. A little bit of wind and they come trickling round into my yard.

DARREN SUDDENLY LOOKS INSPIRED AS IF A FANTASTIC IDEA HAS OCCURRED TO HIM.

DARREN

Rubbish - that's it!

DARREN STARTS TO MOVE THE BIN BAGS AROUND.

DARREN

Which one's the most recent?

CEDRIC

Not now son! Do it at the weekend.

DARREN OPENS A BIN BAG.

DARREN

You've hit the nail on the head Ced. It'll be here, won't it?

DARREN STARTS TO SIFT THROUGH THE RUBBISH.

CEDRIC

What do you mean?

DARREN

Proof of my wife's infi... infi... infi'whatsit.

CEDRIC

Go on lad, go on inside.

DARREN

Don't let me stop you getting your hot milk Ced. I'll keep it quiet for you.

CEDRIC

I hope you do, then. Goodnight to you.

CEDRIC MAKES HIS WAY BACK INTO HIS HOUSE.

DARREN RUMMAGES AROUND SOME MORE IN AMONG THE BIN BAGS.

DARREN

(OOV, BEHIND THE WALL. TRIUMPHANTLY:) Aha! Got it!

SIGNATURE TUNE.

CREDITS.

[END OF EPISODE 2]

[START OF EPISODE 3]

SIGNATURE TUNE.

TITLES.

SCENE 1. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB. JUST AFTER 9 AM.

PEGGY IS BEHIND THE BAR, RELAXING BEFORE THE PUB IS OPENED. SHE HAS THE LOCAL FREE NEWSPAPER OPEN ON THE COUNTER, AND IS DRINKING COFFEE FROM A SLIM POTTERY MUG. IRIS IS DUSTING AND POLISHING THE PUB. PEGGY LOOKS UP FROM THE PAPER.

PEGGY

My my! When big things happen they happen in Watercress. (A BEAT). Listen to this... (READING, DRYLY, FROM THE NEWSPAPER:) "A lunch time picnic treat, for two workers from McRife's, was marred last week when three rounds of sandwiches, which they had placed temporarily on a wall, were stolen.

IRIS APPROACHES THE BAR WITH GENUINE CONCERN.

PEGGY

"'It happened right if full view of the church too,' said one of the victims.

IRIS LOOKS AT PEGGY, WITH INTRIGUE.

PEGGY

"Anybody with any information about this crime should contact community police constable Paul McIntosh."

PEGGY LOOKS UP, WITH A PENSIVE EXPRESSION. IRIS REACHES ACROSS AND REMOVES PEGGY'S SPECTACLES FROM HER FACE. SHE CLEANS THE LENSES FOR HER AND REPLACES THE SPECS. PEGGY DOESN'T SAY A WORD.

IRIS

You're not safe anywhere these days.

CUT TO:

SCENE 2. INT. DAY. THE YOUNGBLOODS' FRONT ROOM.

THE SMALL SOFA HAS ITS THREE CUSHIONS IN PLACE. JANIE IS ALONE AND, STANDING, TAKES ONE OF THE CUSHIONS FROM THE SOFA AND BEGINS TO PLACE IT CAREFULLY UP HER JUMPER.

THERE IS A NOISE AT THE FRONT DOOR. THE CUSHION IS NOT PROPERLY SECURE UNDER JANIE'S JUMPER. DARREN HAS ARRIVED HOME UNEXPECTEDLY, NOT LONG AFTER HAVING LEFT HOME FOR THE MORNING. HE ENTERS THE ROOM WITH A SMALL PIECE OF PAPER IN HIS HAND. HE HAS A DETERMINED EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE. HE IS DRESSED IN HIS BLUE OVERALLS. HE DOES NOT NOTICE JANIE'S "BUMP" STRAIGHT AWAY.

JANIE

Darren! What are you doing home? Did you forget something?

DARREN

No. I came back to ask you about this.

DARREN WAVES THE PIECE OF PAPER. JANIE TURNS AT A SLIGHT ANGLE TO HIDE SIGHT OF THE CUSHION UP HER JUMPER.

JANIE

What is it?

DARREN

I found it in the rubbish, outside.

JANIE

What is it? Is it important?

DARREN

You could say. It's well over a week old now, but listen.

JANIE LOOKS PUZZLED, AND RESTS HER HANDS ON HER STOMACH / CUSHION. DARREN HOLDS UP THE PIECE OF PAPER SO THAT HE CAN READ FROM IT.

DARREN

"One packet of fresh pasta." I've never seen it. "Half a pound of specialist German sausage. Delicatessen department." Never even smelt it.

JANIE

Oh.

DARREN

"Continental soft cheese." Sounds nice, I might have really liked it, but I never got the chance.

JANIE

Ah.

DARREN

What's going on Janie? Who are you feeding?

JANIE

No one.

DARREN

Don't give me that! You don't buy food for no reason do you.

JANIE

No.

DARREN

Or is this Youngbloods' aid for the world famine problem? You're slipping food to them in the post?

JANIE

No.

DARREN

Who ate the food Janie?

JANIE

No one.

DARREN

And the other night. I heard you talking to someone. You weren't on the phone so you must have had someone here.

JANIE GRABS THE TEDDY FROM THE ARMCHAIR AND CUDDLES IT TO HER CHEST FOR COMFORT.

JANIE

Don't be silly.

DARREN

Come on. I want an explanation. Janie? Put that bloody toy down.

JANIE CHANGES FROM BEING SUBMISSIVE TO BEING DEFENSIVE.

JANIE

This toy, as you call him, is Bubba Youngblood.

DARREN SNIGGERS.

DARREN

What?!

JANIE

This is exactly why I can't talk to you.

DARREN

Don't tell me you've been buying the food for him? Old Bubba!

DARREN LOOKS MOCKINGLY AT THE PIECE OF PAPER.

DARREN

He gets through quite a bit then.

JANIE

And for all the others.

DARREN SNIGGERS.

DARREN

What others?

JANIE

Look around Darren.

DARREN

What?

JANIE

Even you must be able to see my teddy bears. Look, they're all over the place.

DARREN

Yeah. So?

JANIE

Each one bought with tokens. One miniature bear for every eight tokens.

DARREN

From the food?

JANIE

Yes. Or sixty five tokens for one like Bubba.

JANIE HUGS THE TEDDY BEAR AND SMILES TO HERSELF.

DARREN

(SIMPLISTICALLY / RELIEVED:) Goodness me! It must cost a fortune to buy teddies that way. Why didn't you say? I'd have bought you some.

JANIE

(ANGRILY:) I didn't want them that way. You don't choose a baby do you? You just know that you want one and you have to wait and see what luck brings you.

DARREN

Look, I don't know what you're on about. Just tell me who you were talking to the other night and we'll discuss the food and the bears later.

JANIE

(VERY FORTHRIGHT:) Bubba of course.

DARREN

You were talking to that thing?

JANIE MARCHES OVER TO DARREN. DARREN LOOKS SLIGHTLY ALARMED. JANIE HOLDS THE TEDDY BEAR'S FACE CLOSE TO DARREN'S.

JANIE

(TO DARREN:) This is our first born. (TO THE TEDDY:) Say hello to your daddy, Bubba.

DARREN STARTS TO TAKE THINGS A BIT MORE SERIOUSLY.

DARREN

Janie. What's up?

JANIE REPLACES THE TEDDY BEAR ON THE ARMCHAIR. SHE WALKS UP TO THE MANTLE PIECE. DARREN NOW NOTICES THE CUSHION UP JANIE'S JUMPER BUT KEEPS QUIET. JANIE WAVES HER HAND ACROSS THE SMALL TEDDY BEARS ON THE MANTLE PIECE.

JANIE

You see these bears. What are they?

DARREN IS DUMFOUNDED.

JANIE

Eight tokens each, right?

DARREN

Er, yes.

JANIE

Wrong. One egg each Dareen.

DARREN LOOKS REALLY CONFUSED.

DARREN

What?

JANIE

Each one of these is one egg. Every twenty eight days. Didn't you notice one appear every four weeks?

DARREN SHAKES HIS HEAD.

JANIE

No. You thought I was on the Pill. You thought that we didn't have babies because you said we shouldn't. After all, whatever you say goes, doesn't it. And everything's fine, isn't it? Well I don't have eggs Darren, I can't have them. Do you understand? (WEAKLY / EMOTIONALLYU:) I can't have children.

THE CUSHION STARTS TO SLIP OUT FROM UNDER JANIE'S JUMPER. DARREN LOOKS AT IT. TEARS WELL IN JANIE'S EYES. SHE LOOKS DOWN AT THE PATHETIC CUSHION.

JANIE

(VERY EMOTIONALLY:) This is me with child.

SUDDENLY, JANIE GETS HOLD OF THE CUSHION, AND, HOLDING IT BY A CORNER, GOES TO HIT DARREN WITH IT. DARREN MOVES SIDEWAYS A LITTLE AND THE CUSHION HITS HIM HARD ON THE CHEST. A SMALL AMOUNT OF SAWDUST PUFFS OUT OF HIS OVERALLS ON CONTACT.

DARREN

Oh hell.

JANIE

Yes. Now you've got it.

CUT TO:

SCENE 3. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

THE PUB IS OPEN BUT NOT VERY BUSY. PEGGY, BEHIND THE BAR, IS TALKING TO MOIRA WHO IS HAVING A GLASS OF WINE.

PEGGY

I don't know, I just can't seem to get started today.

MOIRA

I know what you mean. I get that every day. Well, most days.

PEGGY

Normally I can find the drive, but today there's something lacking. I think I need a man.

MOIRA

I wouldn't bother if I were you. If your definition of a man is the same as mine.

PEGGY

It probably is, but I'm willing to be surprised.

MOIRA

I've got a theory that there's a factory somewhere knocking them out, one bastard after another. And I got mine from the pile of seconds thinking that I was getting a bargain.

PEGGY

We're the bargains Moy.

MOIRA

Or the mugs.

PEGGY

I want a man, I think, to boss around. One I could have look after the pub today while I went out to find what it is that I really want. (A BEAT) I've never had a dream you see. Nothing crystal clear to imagine. And every day nostalgia becomes more important to me. I just keep working, and the pub is always open or I'm doing something for the pub. Yet for the most part I'm contented.

MOIRA

But that's a dream to some people.

PEGGY

But a dream is like an ambition. Like you and films. You succeeded.

MOIRA

Oh no I didn't.

PEGGY

In a small way you did.

MOIRA

Not in any way. Back then I had two ounces of good looks and two tons of stupidity.

PEGGY

Oh you've still got them Moy.

MOIRA

What, the two tons?

MOIRA AND PEGGY LAUGH.

PEGGY

(LESS DEPRESSED:) Now me, I'm a B-movie queen with no leading man.

GEORGE ENTERS THE PUB. MOIRA NODS TOWARDS GEORGE FOR PEGGY'S BENEFIT. GEORGE DOESN'T SEE.

MOIRA

Here he comes now!

PEGGY

(LOVINGLY / SADLY:) Twenty years too late, perhaps.

MOIRA

But he's honest. And he's got a video camera!

PEGGY AND MOIRA LAUGH. GEORGE GETS TO THE COUNTER.

PEGGY

George! You've never shut your shop?

GEORGE

I might have to. I forgot to get plain crisps from the cash and carry.

PEGGY

Oh no. And people might come in here instead of into your shop you mean?

GEORGE

Don't joke.

PEGGY

I wasn't.

GEORGE

You couldn't let me have a box could you? Until I can get out.

PEGGY

Because it's you.

PEGGY GOES OUT THE BACK.

MOIRA

(CHEEKILY:) Was it just the crisps that you wanted?

GEORGE

Yes.

MOIRA

Are you sure?

GEORGE

Yes. My other stock is fine.

MOIRA

That's not what I meant.

GEORGE SHRUGS.

GEORGE

What, you mean me chat up Peggy? No.

PEGGY RETURNS WITH THE BOX OF CRISPS.

MOIRA

So you never think about shutting your shop?

GEORGE

Only just before closing time.

PEGGY

There you are George.

PEGGY TAKES OFF HER SPECS AND LOOKS AT GEORGE.

PEGGY

Don't you ever get tired of being in your shop, open every day? Of always being there? Of people relying on you so much that they take you for granted?

GEORGE LOOKS BLANK.

PEGGY

Don't you have a hidden passion? Something you want to do? Something you think that other people maybe wouldn't understand? Don't you want to sometimes say "yes" to that temptation?

GEORGE

There's me fishing, I s'pose.

PEGGY

What?

PEGGY PUTS HER SPECS BACK ON.

GEORGE

I never seem to go anymore. (A BEAT) Hey! You and I could go. I could shut up for a couple of hours? We could take some sarnies?

GEORGE GRABS THE CRISPS BOX AND GOES TO LEAVE.

GEORGE

I'll give you a ring!

GEORGE LEAVES THE PUB.

MOIRA

Shall I ask him if he'll video it?

MOIRA LAUGHS, PEGGY GRIMACES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 4. INT. DAY. THE ANNEXE KITCHEN.

NO ONE IS IN THE KITCHEN. THERE ARE BAGS OF SHOPPING, AND BOXES, SPREAD AROUND THE ROOM. BETHANY [PLAYED BY A DIFFERENT ACTRESS FROM EPISODES 1 AND 2] ENTERS SURREPTITIOUSLY. LYNNE IS WITH HER.

BETHANY

Come on. They should both be out.

LYNNE

I've always wondered what this annexe was like from the inside.

LYNNE SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE, MOVING SOME SHOPPING BAGS OUT OF THE WAY IN ORDER TO DO SO. BETHANY GOES TO THE FRIDGE AND GETS OUT TWO CANS OF LAGER.

LYNNE

You'll have to come and see my place.

BETHANY

You've got a place?

LYNNE

It's just temporary until I get myself sorted out.

BETHANY

Are you going to buy your own place eventually then?

LYNNE

Oh yes! As soon as I can.

BETHANY

Cool or what!

BETHANY OPENS A CAN OF LAGER FOR HERSELF AND HANDS THE OTHER TO LYNNE. LYNNE OPENS HER CAN IN A SLOVENLY WAY, AND DRAPES HERSELF OVER THE BACK OF THE CHAIR WHILE SWINGING ON IT.

LYNNE

What's all this rubbish here?

BETHANY

Oh I expect mum's been shopping again.

LYNNE

What does she do?

BETHANY

Spend dad's money. It's a full time position. She's very dedicated.

LYNNE

So where was it you lived in Oz?

BETHANY

Around and about. Melbourne was the last place.

LYNNE

That's where I was! And we never met.

BETHANY

What, with Melbourne being so small you mean? Yeah right.

LYNNE

So why did you lot come over here?

BETHANY

My dad's idea of a business move, my idea of completely destroying my life.

THERE IS A NOISE AT THE DOOR.

BETHANY

Oh no they're coming in!

BETHANY LEADS LYNNE OUT (TO A SMALL UTILITY AREA) WHERE THEY HIDE WITH THEIR BEER. GREG AND RUE ENTER. GREG IS ANGRY.

GREG

So show me the stuff then?

RUE POINTS TO THE SHOPPING BAGS.

RUE

(RELUCTANTLY:) Help yourself.

GREG LOOKS IN SOME OF THE BAGS.

GREG

I just cannot believe that even you would be so stupid.

RUE

You said look at the books.

GREG

Yeah, look - not cook.

RUE

And to see if we could save some money.

GREG

You havn't saved, you've spent! (A BEAT) Is this the lot?

RUE

More or less, yes.

GREG SHAKES HIS HEAD.

GREG

You took money from the "R and D" budget. What on earth did you think "R and D" stood for?

RUE

(DISMISSIVE:) I thought it meant "Rue, and something or other."

GREG

Something gets into you Rue, I don't know what. The sense you do have goes missing and you just go mad. "R and D" means research and development. "R and D" means the new soup recipe, "R and D" means make or break. I can't believe this.

RUE'S EXPRESSION SHOWS THAT SHE IS STARTING TO SEE THE SERIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT SHE'S DONE.

GREG

I really don't know what to say.

RUE

I'll take some of it back?

GREG

Take all of it back. Where is the rest of it anyway?

RUE

In the bedroom.

GREG

Right, let's get it all in here now. I want to see everything that you've bought.

GREG AND RUE LEAVE FOR THE BEDROOM.

BETHANY

(OOV) Quick!

BETHANY AND LYNNE RUN OUT THROUGH THE KITCHEN AND LEAVE.

CUT TO:

SCENE 5. INT. DAY. BARBARA'S SALON. AFTERNOON.

JEAN IS SAT IN A CHAIR IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WHILE BARBARA TOYS WITH, AND LOOKS AT, JEAN'S HAIR.

BARBARA

I'm surprised you've shut your shop when the schools have just come out.

JEAN

Do you know, there is no more satisfying a sound than to hear the screeching of descant recorders drift away down somebody else's street.

BARBARA HAS A LITTLE CHUCKLE. JEAN'S NOSE TWITCHES.

JEAN

What is that smell Barbara? You haven't been daft enough to open a bottle of Paul's home made wine?

BARBARA

Oh no. That's my aromatherapy cubicle out the back. I'll be advertising it soon.

JEAN

You're going to diversify?

BARBARA

I'm going to be broke otherwise. There's only so much you can do with people's heads, especially if there aren't that many of them around.

JEAN

Even though you're unisex?

BARBARA

Yes, even so. I was thinking that I'd like to tend to other parts of the body as well. So when I run out of heads I can rub shoulders and feet.

JEAN

Ooh er.

CUT TO:

SCENE 6. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

LISA IS BEHIND THE BAR. THERE ARE MORE CUSTOMERS IN (PLAYED BY EXTRAS). GREG ENTERS LOOKING ANNOYED.

LISA

It's the man from the big country!

GREG

(TRYING TO BE PLEASANT:) A pint of lager please. Make sure it's Australian.

LISA

The only ones worth serving.

LISA PULLS A PINT.

LISA

You look like you could do with a break. It's nice to see you in here.

GREG

Listen, don't take offence but all I want is a pint. I've got a couple of tins in the fridge at home. I'm only here to get out of the place.

LISA

You didn't come in here for the company, or for the view?

GREG

Not in this incarnation, no.

LISA HANDS GREG HIS PINT. SHE IS DETERMINED TO CHAT HIM UP.

LISA

So... how do you like it in England?

GREG SUPS FROM HIS PINT.

GREG

Your surname is Karmova, right?

LISA

(SHARPLY:) Yes.

GREG

Where's that from? I mean is it Russian or something? (A BEAT) Maybe we're both strangers here.

LISA

Different generations.

GREG

Oh definitely.

LISA

(COLDLY:) That's one pound thirty five please.

GREG SMILES AND HANDS LISA A FIVE POUND NOTE. LISA TAKES IT, AND GIVES HIM CHANGE FROM THE TILL.

LISA

Excuse me, I'll have to collect some glasses.

SWITCH TO:

PEGGY AND MOIRA ARE STILL CHATTING. MOIRA HAS HAD A COUPLE MORE TO DRINK.

MOIRA

(TO GREG:) Come and sit with us love, you look lost!

GREG SMILES AND JOINS THEM.

PEGGY

Have you met Moira Dipper?

GREG

No I haven't.

PEGGY

Moira Dipper, meet Greg Bangle.

MOIRA

Café proprietor, mother of Sean, carrier of burdens.

GREG SMILES. MOIRA AND GREG SHAKE HANDS.

GREG

Much money in that?

MOIRA

Carrying burdens?

GREG NODS "YES"

MOIRA

Only if they're other people's!

GREG

I've got one...

RUE ENTERS.

GREG

Oh no.

RUE WALKS OVER TO GREG / MOIRA / PEGGY.

RUE

Just in time am I?

PEGGY

What would you like to drink?

RUE

Port please.

PEGGY GOES TO GET THE PORT.

GREG

Have you finished what you were doing?

RUE

Almost. I met this chap they call "Big D."

MOIRA CHUCKLES.

RUE

He wanted to see you about something.

GREG

What do you mean "Big D"?

RUE

It's "D" for Daniel, isn't it?

MOIRA

My husband.

RUE

Oh, is that "Big D" for "Big Daniel" because he's well built?

MOIRA

No, it's "Big D" for "Big Dipper" because he makes everybody sick.

GREG LAUGHS.

MOIRA

Don't tell him though. Don't shatter any of his long held beliefs. (BITTERLY:) His neolithic beliefs.

PEGGY GIVES RUE HER PORT. GREG PLACES SOME COINS ON THE COUNTER TO PAY FOR IT.

RUE

I'm hungry Greg. Are we going to eat here?

MOIRA

No, come over to my café.

PEGGY

Gee, thanks Moira.

MOIRA

Oh I don't mean to poach your customers.

PEGGY

(PLAYFULLY:) I'd hate to see you when you were trying. Gonna let them finish their drinks?

MOIRA

They can meet Sean.

GREG

I'd like that.

CUT TO:

SCENE 7. INT. DAY. THE CAFE.

SEAN IS WORKING.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.4 (VERSION 1) IS PLAYING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.

THE CAFE IS NOT THAT BUSY. PAUL, DRESSED IN HIS POLICE UNIFORM, IS SITTING AT A TABLE EATING. CEDRIC AND ANNIE ARE SAT AT ANOTHER TABLE. SEAN TAKES THEM A TRAY OF TEA, AND BISCUITS. SEAN PLACES THE TEAPOT, CUPS ETC. ON THE TABLE.

CEDRIC

It's nice to see that standards are being kept up somewhere in the world.

SEAN SMILES.

CEDRIC

This must be the only place in the county, if not the country, where you can get a pot of tea served up in the old fashioned way.

SEAN

I like to do it.

ANNIE

You take pride in your work, anyone can see that.

SEAN SMILES.

ANNIE

It's the best of the good old days mixed with the best of today.

CLOSE UP OF CEDRIC'S FACE.

FADE TO:

SCENE 8. EXT. DAY. A BATTLEFIELD.

THIS SCENE IS SHOT ENTIRELY IN SEPIA. VERY FAINT NOISE OF BATTLE IN BACKGROUND, WITH REVERB.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.2 (VERSION 1) IN BACKGROUND, BEHIND BATTLE NOISE.

CLOSE UP OF TWO SOLDIERS. WE DO NOT SEE THEIR FACES HEAD ON - NO EYE CONTACT WITH THE CAMERA.

THE SOLDIERS SPEAK TO ONE ANOTHER. THEIR VOICES ARE FAINT AND HEARD WITH REVERB.

SOLDIER 2

Where's Cedric?

SOLDIER 1

We go after three. One, two, three!

BOTH SOLDIERS RUN OFF INTO BATTLE, AWAY FROM THE CAMERA.

FADE TO:

SCENE 9. INT. DAY. THE CAFE.

SEAN IS BEHIND THE COUNTER WORKING.

ORIGNAL MUSIC NO.4 (VERSION 1) IS PLAYING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.

MOIRA ENTERS LEADING GREG AND RUE. MOIRA SITS THEM DOWN. MOIRA GOES UP TO THE COUNTER. GREG NODS A "HELLO" TO CEDRIC WHO NODS BACK.

PAUL SEES GREG. PAUL USES BREAD TO SCRAPE UP WHAT FOOD REMAINS ON HIS PLATE, THEN GOES OVER TO SIT AT GREG AND RUE'S TABLE.

PAUL

Mr Bangle...

GREG

(LIGHT HEARTEDLY:) Yes, Mr McIntosh!

PAUL

I have to inform you that we've received a report of a theft of a consignment of soup from McRife's.

GREG

What? What are you talking about? When? I was there not long ago.

PAUL

Earlier on today.

GREG

No, I don't understand.

PAUL

I'm going over to investigate but the soup has definitely gone.

GREG

Good grief! What else can go wrong. Can you take me over there now?

PAUL

Yes. Let's go.

GREG AND PAUL LEAVE. RUE STARES. MOIRA, LOOKING BEMUSED, COMES TO SIT WITH RUE. CEDRIC AND ANNIE HAVE OVERHEARD AND ARE LOOKING AT RUE.

DANIEL ENTERS THE CAFE. AT THE SAME TIME, LYNNE AND BETHANY COME INTO THE CAFE FROM THE DOOR WHICH LEADS UP TO THE CAFE FLAT. ANNIE STARES AT LYNNE, BUT LYNNE DOESN'T SEE HER.

LYNNE

I suppose I've missed the free breakfast have I?

MOIRA

(STERNLY:) Only by a mile.

LYNNE AND BETHANY, GIGGLING, LEAVE THE CAFE. DANIEL WALKS OVER TO MOIRA AND SITS WITH HER AND RUE.

DANIEL

(TO MOIRA, IGNORING RUE:) What's going on with you and the Wilder kid?

MOIRA

She's renting the flat, OK?

DANIEL

Well, you don't look very pleased about it. (A BEAT) It's money isn't it?

DANIEL LOOKS OVER AT SEAN. THERE IS A TENSION WITHOUT WORDS. MOIRA TURNS HER HEAD AWAY FROM DANIEL. DANIEL GETS UP AND STORMS OUT.

CUT TO:

SCENE 10. EXT. DAY. COLIN'S GREENHOUSE ON HIS ALLOTMENT. LATE AFTERNOON.

COLIN IS TENDING SOME PLANTS. TED ENTERS THE GREENHOUSE. COLIN LOOKS ROUND, GETS OFF BOX HE' STANDING ON. TED IS CARRYING A VACUUM FLASK.

COLIN

Hello Ted.

TED

Hello Lanky. You said I could pop in and see you...

COLIN

Yes, come in. Move those seed trays there and have a seat.

TED

I thought you might like a cuppa. Nice and fresh.

COLIN

Yeah great!

TED MOVES THE SEED TRAYS FROM A WOODEN BENCH AND SITS DOWN.

TED

How goes it?

COLIN

I'm fine thanks. (A BEAT) You're the first person to see this.

TED

See what?

COLIN

This. It's a brand new rose I've bred. I've been working on it for ages. It's about to bloom.

TED

Really?

COLIN

I might even get the major seed and plant companies interested.

TED

That's pretty good then.

TED OPENS THE VACUUM FLASK.

COLIN

I'm thinking of naming it after Lisa, the "Lisa Karmova" rose.

TED

Don't waste it on her lad!

COLIN

But it's for her. I think it has been all along.

TED SHAKES HIS HEAD.

TED

She's no good for you Lanky. No good for anyone, including herself.

COLIN

See this? The first bud.

TED STANDS UP TO LOOK AND TO GIVE COLIN A CUP OF TEA.

TED

Looks like the only bud too.

COLIN

I think I'll present it to her and tell her that I've called it after her.

TED

I think you'd be wasting your time.

COLIN

That's only your opinion.

TED

I wouldn't like to see you getting hurt.

COLIN

I know this is what she'd like. It might even lead to marriage.

TED

Yes lad.

COLIN SMILES. THE GREENHOUSE DOOR OPENS MAKING COLIN AND TED JUMP. LOUIE APPEARS AT THE DOOR.

LOUIE

Ted, can I have a word?

TED RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AND LEAVES THE GREENHOUSE.

CUT TO:

SCENE 11. EXT. DAY. ON THE ALLOTMENT OUTSIDE COLIN'S GREENHOUSE.

TED

What do you want Louie? I said I'd have nothing more to do with you. Brenda would kill us both.

LOUIE

You can call this an opportunity to get your money back.

TED

The money you fleeced from me. The money you owe me anyway.

LOUIE

This is a chance to re-invest, without parting with any more money. You could see a return, of all your money, in just a few days.

TED

(BEGRUDINGLY:) What exactly do you have in mind?

SIGNATURE TUNE.

CREDITS.

[END OF EPISODE 3]

[START OF EPISODE 4]

SIGNATURE TUNE.

TITLES.

SCENE 1. INT. DAY. A HOTEL FOYER.

DAVID IS SEEN STANDING WITH A VERY TALL WOMAN. HE IS GLANCING IN A MAGAZINE, THAT HE HAS, CALLED "TEACH YOURSELF YOMPING", WHILE THE WOMAN HAS A MONTHLY CALLED "PRACTICAL YOMPER." THE RECEPTIONIST COMES OUT TO THE COUNTER, AND CALLS OVER TO DAVID AND HIS GUEST.

RECEPTIONIST

Mr and Mrs Whitebait? Your room is ready now.

DAVID AND THE WOMAN SMILE (DAVID HAS TO LOOK UP AT HER). THEY PICK UP THEIR RUCK SACKS AND GO THE COUNTER.

RECEPTIONIST

Room number sixteen, on the first floor. Straight up the stairs there.

THE RECEPTIONIST HANDS DAVID A KEY WITH A LARGE FOB.

DAVID

(TO THE RECEPTIONIST:) Thank you.

WOMAN

(WHISPERING SEDUCTIVELY TO DAVID:) In anticipation.

DAVID AND THE WOMAN SMILE AT EACHOTHER AGAIN, AND, WITH THEIR BAGGAGE, GO UP THE STAIRS.

CUT TO:

SCENE 2. EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE THE NEWSAGENTS (JEAN'S SHOP).

BETHANY [PLAYED BY A DIFFERENT ACTRESS FROM EPISODES 1 TO 3] IS TRYING TO GET INTO JEAN'S SHOP. THE SIGN IN THE WINDOW SAYS "OPEN", BUT BETHANY JUST CANNOT GET THE DOOR TO MOVE. SHE PEERS IN THROUGH THE GLASS BUT CANNOT SEE ANYONE. WITH A SIGH SHE WALKS AWAY.

CUT TO:

SCENE 3. INT. DAY. THE NEWSAGENTS (JEAN'S SHOP).

WE SEE JEAN GET UP OFF OF THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE SHOP DOOR. HER HAIR HAS FLOPPED OVER HER FACE. SHE THROWS HER HAIR BACK. SHE HOLDS HER RIBS AND GROANS A LITTLE. SHE DUSTS HER SKIRT DOWN. ETHAN, DRESSED IN HIS SUIT, ENTERS.

ETHAN

Good morning Jean.

JEAN

Morning doctor.

JEAN GOES BEHIND HER COUNTER.

ETHAN

And how are you today?

JEAN

Not too bad. I've got a bit of pain in my side again.

JEAN HANDS ETHAN A MAGAZINE FROM UNDER THE COUNTER. ETHAN PAYS HER THE EXACT MONEY.

ETHAN

Well do let me know if it gets any worse. Just make an appointment to come in and see me.

JEAN

I will doctor.

ETHAN

Oh well. I'd better be off. Full day ahead.

ETHAN GOES TO LEAVE.

JEAN

Bye then.

ETHAN LEAVES. JEAN HOLDS HER RIBS AGAIN AND GROANS A LITTLE.

SWITCH TO:

SCENE 4. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB. MID MORNING.

THE PUB IS FAIRLY FULL, WITH CUSTOMERS PLAYED BY EXTRAS. LISA, WHO HAS BEEN READING A MAGAZINE AT THE BAR, IS NOW SERVING TED.

TED

A pint of bitter please Lisa.

LISA PULLS THE PINT.

TED

Very busy again.

LISA

Quite busy I'd say.

TED

No time to yourself really.

LISA

Not much, but then I don't spend my working time preoccupied with hobbies and the like. You won't catch me sticking little sea shells onto wooden boxes. Ever. I suppose you'd have more time for that sort of thing, not being employed at the moment.

TED

I took early retirement. And very good it was for me too.

LISA

That's not what your Brenda says.

LISA GIVES TED HIS PINT.

TED

But you do have a private life?

LISA

Doesn't everybody?

LISA LOOKS DOWN AT TED.

LISA

Well... perhaps not.

TED

Probably out with your boyfriend tonight then?

LISA

What is it with you today Ted? You're acting really strangely. (A BEAT) I haven't got a boyfriend, I don't want a boyfriend...

TED

What about Colin?

LISA GIVES TED A "DO ME A FAVOUR" LOOK WITH RAISED EYEBROWS

LISA

If you're so short on romance in your life I suggest you read this.

LISA TURNS ROUND THE MAGAZINE THAT SHE WAS READING.

LISA

It's about keeping the flame alive.

TED

I didn't know that we had one.

LISA

We haven't. But you and Brenda presumably do. If you can find it, if it's not a stumpy and bent burned out wick by now.

TED HAS A QUICK LOOK AT THE MAGAZINE ARTICLE.

TED

What's it supposed to do?

LISA

Just take it away and read it.

TED GETS UP SLOWLY WITH HIS PINT AND THE MAGAZINE. DON'T FORGET TO BRING IT BACK, AND I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THAT YOU OWE ME FOR THAT PINT YET.

TED

Ah yes.

TED REACHES DOWN INTO HIS POCKET FOR SOME MONEY.

CUT TO:

SCENE 5. INT. DAY. THE ANNEXE KITCHEN.

RUE IS THE ONLY ONE THERE. THE NUMBER OF SHOPPING BAGS AND BOXES HAS DIMINISHED GREATLY. RUE IS ON THE PHONE. SHE IS HOLDING WHILE THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END HAS GONE TO FIND OUT ABOUT SOMETHING. RUE HUMS TO HERSELF. THERE IS A TELEPHONE DIRECTORY IN FRONT OF HER ON THE TABLE.

RUE

Hello, yes? No it's not damaged ... Yes, it fits me perfectly ... So, you won't take it back? OK, never mind. Thanks anyway.

RUE PUTS THE PHONE DOWN.

RUE

Yes! Rue Bangle you get to keep the black and gold dress.

RUE STARTS TO THUMB THROUGH THE TELEPHONE DIRECTORY.

RUE

Now, let's see what else I can't get rid of. This could be the start of a winning streak.

CUT TO:

SCENE 6. INT. DAY. THE CAFE.

GREG IS SITTING AT A TABLE EATING. MOIRA IS WORKING BEHIND THE COUNTER AND GIVES OCCASIONAL INNOCENT AND "IF ONLY I'D MARRIED YOU" GLANCES AT GREG. IRIS IS AT ANOTHER TABLE, MAKING A CUP OF TEA AND THE REMAINDER OF A SWISS BUN LAST AN AWFULLY LONG TIME.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.4 (VERSION 1) IS PLAYING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.

TED ENTERS, WITH THE MAGAZINE, THAT LISA GAVE HIM, FOLDED VERY ROUGHLY IN HIS JACKET POCKET. HE APPROACHES GREG WHO LOOKS UP. IRIS TRIES TO LISTEN IN ON WHAT THEY ARE SAYING.

TED

I've been looking for you.

GREG

(PLAYFULLY) Where have you looked?

IRIS PUTS A BIT OF SWISS BUN INTO HER MOUTH, BUT TAKES THE WHOLE PIECE OUT AGAIN.

TED

I've got to talk to you, or at least someone has.

GREG

What, do I smell or something?

TED SITS DOWN LOOKING VERY GUILTY.

TED

No. It's about the theft.

GREG

(SERIOUSLY:) That's one thing I don't want to talk about if you don't mind.

TED

No, no. It's about getting the stuff back.

GREG

What do you mean? Do you know where it is?

TED

No. It's nothing to do with me.

GREG

So what are you saying?

TED

Look, I'm not a criminal but I might know someone who is. In fact I'm sure I do.

GREG

Ted... if you know something about the crime then do yourself and me a very big favour and go and tell the police.

TED

I can't. I'm here for someone.

GREG

You wouldn't be referring to Louie Allman, by any chance?

TED

I never said that. I have a contact.

GREG

This is getting way way away from the straight and narrow, not to mention reality. Now, either you know something or you don't.

TED OPENS HIS MOUTH TO SPEAK BUT NO SOUND COMES OUT.

GREG

All I know is that someone has stolen a very important consignment of soup which I own. And although I may look calm let me tell you that I am very very angry. If I thought that you had anything to do with it...

TED

Oh no not me...

GREG

Then I would personally drag you down to the police station via that old quarry you have in Long Park.

TED

I see.

IRIS FINALLY EATS THE BUN.

GREG

This is not a TV movie, and I don't do deals. OK? I want my property back.

IRIS LOOKS ALARMED.

TED

Yes. Well I'd best be off then.

TED LEAVES. MOIRA LOOKS ACROSS WITH A CONCERNED EXPRESSION. IRIS TAKES OUT A MINI VACUUM CLEANER FROM HER HANDBAG AND CLEANS HER TABLE. GREG GETS BACK TO HIS FOOD. IRIS PACKS UP HER VACUUM CLEANER AND LEAVES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 7. EXT. DAY. A PUBLIC PHONE BOX IN WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

THERE IS NO ONE IN THE PHONE BOX. IRIS APPROACHES, HALF RUNNING HALF WALKING, WITH ONE HAND GRASPING HER HANDBAG AND THE OTHER HAND ON ONE OF HER BUTTOCKS. SHE ENTERS THE PHONE BOX.

CLOSE UP OF IRIS AS SHE MAKES A CALL. THE CRADLE IS STUCK DOWN BUT SHE CARRIES ON REGARDLESS.

IRIS

Hello? Is that the police? I am a concerned resident of senior years and I have some information for you.

THE CRADLE FLICKS UP. IRIS DOES NOT REACT AT ALL.

CUT TO:

SCENE 8. INT. DAY. THE NEWSAGENTS. (JEAN'S SHOP).

JEAN IS PRICING UP SOME BOXES OF CHOCOLATE. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE IN THE SHOP. CEDRIC AND ANNIE ENTER.

JEAN

Hello Annie, Cedric.

CEDRIC

Jean.

JEAN

You look serious Cedric.

CEDRIC

Yes. Crime is a serious matter.

JEAN

It's no good you trying to rob me, there's nothing much in the till.

CEDRIC

That's not what I meant.

JEAN

Or are you just casing the joint so that you can come back later and ram raid the place with your walking frame?

ANNIE

We've come to talk to you about the soup.

JEAN

"The soup"?

CEDRIC

The stuff that was knocked off from McRife's.

JEAN

What about it?

CEDRIC

We were wondering whether you'd been offered any, on the cheap like.

JEAN

This is a newsagents Cedric, not a grocers. Don't you think it'd look a bit odd me stacking up tins of vegetable broth in amongst me publications?

ANNIE PICKS UP THE LATEST EDITION OF THE LOCAL PAPER AND BEGINS TO FLICK THROUGH IT.

CEDRIC

So you're aware of what flavours were taken then.

JEAN

Cedric. I know no more about the incident than you, unless you're the brains behind it all.

CEDRIC

I resent that implication Mrs Briar.

JEAN SIGHS IN DISBELIEF.

ANNIE

What's this?

CEDRIC

Have you found something?

ANNIE

Yes, look at this. Barbara has opened an aromatherapy consultancy. What on earth does she know about medicine?

CEDRIC

Let me see.

ANNIE SHOWS CEDRIC THE ADVERT.

CEDRIC

What is aromatherapy?

ANNIE

Rubbing perfumes into the skin to cure ailments.

CEDRIC

What do you mean?

ANNIE

Let's pop in and see her. She's on our list.

JEAN

What's this that you two are up to. Have you turned into private eyes?

CEDRIC

Oh that reminds me, before we go, have you stopped the Youngbloods' papers?

JEAN

I have, as a matter of fact.

CEDRIC

Good. Because we don't want them piling up out of the door giving an open invitation to criminals and nosey people.

JEAN

Ah, but have they stopped the milk? And as you live next door perhaps they'll burgle you too?

CEDRIC

Right. We'll not detain you any longer. Come along Annie.

CUT TO:

SCENE 9. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

PAUL, DRESSED IN HIS POLICE UNIFORM, IS AT A TABLE EATING. BARBARA IS AT THE BAR. PEGGY IS NOT IN THE BAR. THE PHONE RINGS, AND A VERY DEPRESSED LISA ANSWERS IT.

LISA

"The Leek and Potato", Public House ... Yes, he's here. (SHOUTS:) Paul! It's for you.

PAUL GETS UP FROM HIS SEAT TO COME TO THE PHONE AND TAKES HIS FRENCH SALAD STICK WITH HIM.

SWITCH TO:

WHILE PAUL CARRIES ON A CONVERSATION ON THE PHONE, LISA AND BARBARA TALK.

LISA

So, have you had many replies yet to your ad?

BARBARA

None, in fact. But then the paper has just just come out.

LISA

And you're holding your breath?

BARBARA

Not for that I'm not. (A BEAT) You know, I was thinking about offering discount for my first ten customers. Would you be interested? (SEXILY:) I'd be sure and take very good care of you.

LISA

There's nothing wrong with me.

BARBARA

Nothing that needs alleviating? No stresses or little pains?

LISA

No.

BARBARA

Or you could come along just to be pampered. (SEDUCTIVELY:) Let me massage you into a dreamy world of bliss.

LISA LOOKS TEMPTED BUT THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, SEEMS TO SNAP OUT OF IT. AT THE SAME TIME, PAUL COMES OFF OF THE PHONE.

PAUL

I have to go to the café.

PAUL LEAVES TAKING HIS FRENCH SALAD STICK.

LISA

Yes, we are about to run out of food completely!

PAUL

I'll see you later.

BARBARA DOWNS HER DRINK.

BARBARA

I have to get back too.

BARBARA LEAVES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 10. EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE THE CAFE.

PAUL APPROACHES THE CAFE AND SEES TED SKULKING AROUND. TED IS READING THE "KEEPING THE FLAME ALIVE" MAGAZINE ARTICLE. TED SEES PAUL AND SHOVES THE MAGAZINE INTO HIS POCKET AGAIN. PAUL SPEAKS TO TED, BUT AS HE IS EATING HIS FRENCH SALAD STICK AT THE SAME TIME IT IS FAIRLY DIFFICULT FOR TED TO MAKE OUT WHAT HE IS SAYING.

PAUL

Ted! Have you got a moment?

TED STRAINS TO MAKE OUT WHAT PAUL IS SAYING, BUT SUCCEEDS.

TED

What, yes I suppose so.

PAUL

I need to ask you a few questions.

TED

Er, yes. OK.

PAUL

Where were you on the fourteenth?

TED

Er, well I was... what time do you mean.

PAUL

In the morning.

TED

Why?

PAUL

You know I'm looking into the theft at McRife's. I'm asking everyone the same questions Ted.

TED

What, here in the street?

PAUL

It's only informal at this stage. Unless you particularly wanted to go down to the police station?

TED

No no, that's OK.

PAUL CRUNCHES AT A PARTICULARLY NOISY PART OF THE FRENCH SALAD STICK.

TED

I was out and about. I did some shopping for Brenda, went down the garden centre in town. Just out and about.

PAUL

Very well. If you hear anything at all, you let me know, all right?

TED NODS. PAUL WALKS OFF.

TED

(UNDER HIS BREATH:) Be lucky to hear one word with that bread in your gob.

CUT TO:

SCENE 11. EXT. DAY. [STARTING FROM] OUTSIDE COLIN'S GREENHOUSE ON HIS ALLOTMENT.

WE BEGIN TO FOLLOW COLIN ON HIS JOURNEY TO DELIVER THE ONLY FLOWER, FROM HIS NEW TYPE OF ROSE, TO LISA. COLIN IS DRESSED IN A THICK OLIVE GREEN COAT, WHICH HAS A PATCH ON ONE ELBOW.

COLIN HAS CUT THE ROSE (NOW IN BLOOM), WITH A LONG STEM, FROM HIS NEW ROSE BUSH. THE SINGLE FLOWER IS WRAPPED IN A LIGHT PLAIN PAPER WHICH HE CARRIES CLOSE TO HIS CHEST.

AS COLIN COMES OFF OF THE ALLOTMENT, A BREEZE CATCHES HIM AND FORCES HIM TO SMACK THE ROSE AGAINST HIS BODY.

COLIN

Oh no.

COLIN LOOKS DOWN INTO THE PAPER AND SEES THAT A SMALL PETAL HAS BEEN KNOCKED OFF OF THE ROSE. HE PICKS IT OUT AND PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET.

CUT TO:

SCENE 12. EXT. DAY. A HILL DOWN INTO WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

COLIN COMES DOWN THE HILL STILL HOLDING THE FLOWER AGAINST HIS CHEST, AND SHELTERING IT WITH HIS OTHER HAND AGAINST ANY MORE BREEZES. HE PEERS INTO THE PAPER AND SMILES. HE HASN'T SEEN TWO CHILDREN RUNNING TOWARDS HIM, AND IN THEIR EXCITEMENT THEY DO NOT SEE HIM. THE TWO CHILDREN BUMP INTO COLIN.

COLIN

For goodness sake be careful.

CHILD 1

(GENUINELY:) Sorry mister.

THE CHILDREN RUN OFF. COLIN LOOKS DOWN INTO THE PAPER, TWO MORE PETALS HAVE COME OFF OF THE ROSE.

COLIN

(BITTERLY:) Damn.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.6 BEGINS IN BACKGROUND.

COLIN PICKS OUT THE TWO PETALS AND PUTS THEM IN HIS OTHER POCKET.

CUT TO:

SCENE 13. EXT. DAY. A STREET IN WATERCRESS VILLAGE.

COLIN LOOKS VERY "LUMP IN THE THROAT" EMOTIONAL. HE PEERS INTO THE PAPER. HE UNWRAPS THE ROSE DELICATELY, BUT ANOTHER PETAL FALLS OFF OF THE FLOWER AND BLOWS AWAY. THE FLOWER LOOKS PATHETIC.

COLIN TURNS AROUND AND BEINGS TO WALK BACK THE WAY HE CAME, CARRYING THE RAVAGED FLOWER. WE SEE HIM FROM BEHIND. HE STARTS TO CRY, BUT WITHOUT A SOUND - WE DO NOT SEE HIS FACE.

AS COLIN REACHES THE STREET CORNER WE SEE A DUSTCART PARKED THERE WITH THE WORDS "CITY REFUSE" ON THE SIDE OF IT. STILL LOOKING AT HIM FROM BEHIND, WE SEE COLIN PAUSE AT THE OPEN REAR OF THE CART.

SWITCH TO:

WE SEE COLIN FROM THE FRONT. HIS EYES ARE RED, AND TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE. WITH THE EMOTIONAL HIGH POINT OF THE MUSIC COLIN HURLS THE FLOWER INTO THE CART AND LETS OUT A CRY (AS IF HE WAS THROWING AWAY SOMETHING REALLY HEAVY). COLIN RUNS AWAY.

CUT TO:

SCENE 14. INT. DAY. BARBARA'S SALON.

BARBARA IS ALONE. CEDRIC AND ANNIE ENTER.

BARBARA

Hello! Are you the first ones from the coach party then?

CEDRIC

We'd like to ask you something.

ANNIE

Yes.

BARBARA

What about?

CEDRIC

We'd like to know whether you'd been offered any soup at discount prices?

BARBARA LAUGHS.

BARBARA

What, to serve to me customers instead of tea or coffee? Or for me world famous "Curlers and croutons" hour?

CEDRIC

Yes.

BARBARA LAUGHS.

BARBARA

This is a salon Cedric.

CEDRIC

Yes but you're unisex aren't you?

ANNIE

And what about all this aromatherapy?

BARBARA

Well I can assure you, Annie, that I will not be rubbing me clientele with minestrone.

ANNIE

No, I mean what about the whole thing. It's ridiculous.

BARBARA

Are you two in here on different missions then?

CEDRIC

We'd just like some answers. (A BEAT) In the interests of the community.

BARBARA

(NOW GETTING CROSS:) In the interests of your own nosey natures more like. Go on, get out the pair of you.

CEDRIC

If you don't know anything you simply had to say.

BARBARA, FRIENDLY BUT FIRMLY, USHERS THE TWO OUT OF HER SALON.

ANNIE

I was a proper nurse. Not a perfume peddler. You shouldn't mess with what's not your business.

BARBARA

When you stop sleuthing for a living, Annie, you should take up mind reading because you've just read mine.

ANNIE

Ooh I say.

CEDRIC AND ANNIE LEAVE. BARBARA CHUCKLES TO HERSELF.

CUT TO:

SCENE 15. INT. DAY. DANIEL'S OFFICE.

DANIEL IS ALONE WHEN GREG KNOCKS ON THE DOOR AND ENTERS. THE TWO SMILE AT EACHOTHER PLEASANTLY AND SHAKE HANDS.

GREG

I'm Greg Bangle.

DANIEL

Yes. I was trying to get to meet you, but you're a hard man to find.

GREG

And now I've found you!

DANIEL

How can I help?

GREG

Security.

DANIEL LAUGHS.

DANIEL

Seems a bit late for that!

GREG

Whether it is or it isn't, I still need some professional advice. Are you interested in the work?

DANIEL

Oh yes.

GREG

I'd need you to look at the whole of the McRife's premises and tell me what you think needs to be done. (A BEAT) I'm all for buying a box full of padlocks and half a dozen guard dogs.

DANIEL

Security has changed over the last few years. We build electronics into houses these days like we used to build in plumbing and electricity cables.

GREG

I'd want some costings, and a quote preferably, and I need it done quick.

DANIEL

Unlike the last owners then. I must have quoted them eighteen months ago for work that needed doing.

GREG

I'll see a copy of that then can I?

DANIEL

I'll look it out yeah.

GREG

Oh, there is one other thing.

DANIEL

What's that?

GREG

I'm thinking of offering your son a job...

DANIEL

Ha!

GREG

But I wanted to check with you first. It needn't interfere with his work at the café.

DANIEL

The café's got nothing to do with me. Ask him if you like. He's cheap labour. I'd do the same.

GREG

That's not why I want him.

DANIEL

If you want to employ a nancy cook then that's up to you.

GREG

I'm a cook too you know.

DANIEL

Yeah, but you've got family. (A BEAT) You see that sign behind you?

DANIEL POINTS TO A SIGN WHICH READS "D. M. DIPPER, COMMERCIAL AND DOMESTIC BUILDER."

DANIEL

It should say "Dipper and Son", but it's never going to.

GREG

If you want to talk to him about it...

DANIEL

No, no. You ask him. If you don't then someone else will.

GREG

Right. Thanks then. I'll hear from you?

DANIEL

Yep.

GREG

Right. Bye then.

GREG LEAVES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 16. EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE THE CAFE.

CEDRIC AND ANNIE ARE WALKING PAST THE CAFE. ANNIE LOOKS IN THROUGH THE WINDOW.

ANNIE

You go on Cedric. I'll catch up with you. There's someone I must have a word with.

CEDRIC

All right. I'll see you later.

CEDRIC WALKS OFF. ANNIE GOES INTO THE CAFE.

CUT TO:

SCENE 17. INT. DAY. THE CAFE.

MOIRA AND SEAN ARE WORKING. SEAN LOOKS AS THOUGH HE HAS SOMETHING ON HIS MIND.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.4 (VERSION 1) IS PLAYING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.

LYNNE IS SITTING AT A TABLE, FINISHING A LARGE MEAL. THE CAFE IS BUSY, THE OTHER CUSTOMERS BEING PLAYED BY EXTRAS. ANNIE ENTERS, AND WALKS OVER TO LYNNE AND STANDS BESIDE HER.

LYNNE

Oh hi gran! Sit down.

ANNIE SITS DOWN.

ANNIE

(CONFIDENTIALLY:) How can you afford all this? And how come you're living in the café flat? A few days ago you were penniless.

LYNNE

I told you. I got some work, some research work. And besides, Moira and I have come to an arrangement.

LYNNE LOOKS ACROSS AT MOIRA AND SMILES A SMARMY SMILE. MOIRA STARES BACK. LYNNE GETS UP AND TAKES HER PLATES, ETC., TO THE COUNTER. ANNIE FOLLOWS HER.

LYNNE

(TO ANNIE, BUT SO THAT MOIRA CAN HEAR:) I'm going to enjoy living back here. It was the best decision I ever made. (A BEAT) Of course, the village really needs a record store, and somewhere where we can get hold of a video tape when we're bored. (TO MOIRA:) Bye Moy. See you later.

MOIRA STARES. SEAN STILL LOOKS DEEP IN THOUGHT. LYNNE, LOOKING COCKY, LEAVES. ANNIE, LOOKING AWKWARD, FOLLOWS HER.

DANIEL ENTERS AND SEAN JUMPS, HIS EYES LOOKING VERY ALERT, FOLLOWING HIS FATHER AS HE COMES UP TO THE COUNTER.

DANIEL

(TO SEAN:) I had someone looking for you a while ago. It wasn't a girl or anything, it was a man.

SEAN

(NERVOUSLY BUT DETERMINED:) Look, I'm fed up with the way that you treat mum and me.

DANIEL

What do you mean?

SEAN

You know what I mean.

MOIRA

Sean, leave it.

SEAN

No. I've left it before, once too often. If I keep leaving it things will only get worse.

DANIEL

So, the chef speaks. What are you going to do - hit me with your spatula or your handbag.

SEAN

Neither.

SEAN LOOKS AT MOIRA, HE'S VERY UPSET.

SEAN

(TO MOIRA:) I'm sorry mum.

SEAN TAKES OFF HIS APRON, AND QUICKLY LEAVES THE CAFE. DANIEL'S EYES FOLLOW HIM OUT, BUT SEAN DOES NOT LOOK AT HIM.

MOIRA

In case you didn't realise, that was your flesh and blood. Your son.

DANIEL

Couldn't have been. My son doesn't move that fast.

MOIRA

Your son, as you'd like to see him, is only in your mind. You never wanted Sean to develop into anything other than what you wanted him to be.

DANIEL CURLS HIS LIP IN A "NOTHING TO DO WITH ME" KIND OF WAY.

CUT TO:

SCENE 18. INT. NIGHT. THE SALTS' FRONT ROOM. LATE EVENING.

TED IS IN THE ROOM, BUT HIDING. THE ROOM IS LIT BY THREE RED CANDLES. IN BETWEEN THEM STANDS A SINGLE RED ROSE IN A TALL VASE. THE TABLE IS SET, ECONOMICALLY, FOR TWO. TED HAS WRITTEN A MENU ON A PIECE OF CARD WHICH HE HAS PROPPED UP AGAINST A CORKED WINE BOTTLE.

BRENDA, HAVING WORKED A LATE SHIFT AT THE FACTORY, COMES INTO THE HOUSE AND ENTERS THE FRONT ROOM.

BRENDA

Ted! Where are you?

TED COMES GENTLY OUT OF HIDING. HE'S STILL IN JEANS, BUT HE HAS A ROLL NECK PULLOVER ON AND A JACKET (WHICH IS A BIT TIGHT UNDER HIS ARMS).

TED

Hello love.

BRENDA

What's all this?

TED

Not one flame, but three.

BRENDA SMILES.

BRENDA

What! Is this what I think it is, or have all the light bulbs gone?

TED

I wanted to do something special.

BRENDA

So you haven't been down the chippie for two fish suppers then?

TED

Er, well I have. They're in the oven on number three. But I'll serve them in this romantic ambience.

BRENDA SNIFFS THE AIR.

BRENDA

Oh, is that what it is. I thought you'd had the furniture polish out as well.

BRENDA LOOKS AROUND, RATHER IMPRESSED.

BRENDA

So, is this all for me then?

TED HUGS BRENDA FROM BEHIND, AS BEST HE CAN IN HIS RESTRICTIVE JACKET.

TED

For us love, for us.

BRENDA TAKES OFF HER COAT.

BRENDA

Ooh, take me to your duvet!

BRENDA LEAVES THE ROOM.

TED

(CALLS OUT AFTER HER:) What about the food and the wine?

BRENDA

(OOV:) Turn the over down to a quarter, then come up here and turn me up to number nine.

TED SMILES BROADLY, AND LEAVES TO GO INTO THE KITCHEN.

SIGNATURE TUNE.

CREDITS.

[END OF EPISODE 4]

[START OF EPISODE 5]

SIGNATURE TUNE.

TITLES.

SCENE 1. INT. DAY. THE DIPPERS' BEDROOM. FIRST LIGHT.

MOIRA IS IN BED, TRYING TO GET OFF TO SLEEP AGAIN AFTER DANIEL HAS GOT UP AND DRESSED. HE IS STILL MOVING ABOUT IN THE ROOM AND DISTURBING HER.

DANIEL

I'm off now then. OK?

MOIRA

At last.

MOIRA SIGHS HEAVILY.

MOIRA

Oh Daniel... Could you have a look at the café flat today? There's something wrong with the hot water cylinder apparently.

DANIEL

It'll have to be after work tonight.

MOIRA

Whatever. Just make sure you do it. Please.

DANIEL

Hey, maybe we could go out for dinner tonight instead of you cooking?

MOIRA

We'll see.

DANIEL

Right. I'll see you later then.

DANIEL LEAVES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 2. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB. JUST AFTER 9 AM.

PEGGY IS IN THE BAR BY HERSELF, TAKING AN INVENTORY OF THE SPIRITS. THE PUB DOORS RATTLE. THEN A KNOCK COMES ON THE PUB DOORS.

PEGGY

All right, all right!

PEGGY GOES ACROSS TO THE DOORS AND SPEAKS THROUGH THEM.

PEGGY

We're not open yet.

GEORGE

(MUFFLED, OOV:) It's me. George. Open up!

PEGGY OPENS THE DOORS.

PEGGY

What do you want?

GEORGE

(EXCITEDLY:) I'm sorry you didn't get to come fishing the other day...

PEGGY

Is that all you wanted?

GEORGE

(UNDETERRED:) No! It's about the village party. You know I'm planning it, don't you?

PEGGY

Yes, there was a newsflash about it on breakfast TV this morning.

GEORGE

No! I've got some plans! Here, you look at this....

GEORGE HANDS PEGGY TWO SHEETS OF PAPER.

GEORGE

Read it, and I'll be back later to see what you think. I think it'll be really good. Maybe we could work together on it?

PEGGY

I'm busy counting bottles now George, but I will read this and I will let you know what I think. OK?

GEORGE

Fine.

PEGGY SHUTS THE PUB DOORS.

GEORGE

(MUFFLED, OOV:) Bye then.

CUT TO:

SCENE 3. INT. DAY. THE NEWSAGENTS (JEAN'S SHOP).

JEAN IS BEHIND THE COUNTER, WITH IRIS HER ONLY CUSTOMER. DAVID ENTERS. HE IS VERY DEPRESSED.

JEAN

Yes David. What can I get you?

DAVID

Do you have a stout length of cord of hemp, cotton, or nylon? One that would be suited to the purpose of towing a motor vehicle.

JEAN

I think so, yes.

JEAN REACHES UNDER THE COUNTER AND PULLS OUT A TOW ROPE IN A PLASTIC BAG.

JEAN

Shall I wrap it, or will you hang yourself here?

DAVID TAKES THE ROPE OUT, AND FASHIONS IT INTO A NOOSE.

JEAN

That'll be four pounds ninety nine.

DAVID HANDS JEAN A FIVE POUND NOTE. AS SHE TAKES THE MONEY AND GOES TO GET THE PENNY CHANGE, DAVID TAKES THE ROPE FROM THE PLASTIC BAG AND FASHIONS IT INTO A NOOSE. HE STARES AT HIS CREATION THEN TAKES THE PENNY AND RECEIPT FROM JEAN.

DAVID GOES TO WALK OUT OF THE SHOP STARING AT THE ROPE. IRIS AND JEAN LOOK ON. AS HE OPENS THE DOOR HIS ATTENTION IS CAUGHT BY ONE OF THE CARDS IN THE WINDOW. HE SEEMS TO CHEER UP SLIGHTLY.

DAVID

Tell me, are these handwritten advertisements current in nature?

JEAN

Some of them. Which one?

DAVID

I have read one, "Dog free to good home."

JEAN

Ah yes. I put that one up this morning.

DAVID

That is marvellous. Thank you.

DAVID HOLDS THE NOOSE NOW MORE LIKE A COLLAR AND LEAD.

DAVID

Goodbye then!

DAVID LEAVES. AFTER HE HAS GONE JEAN CHUCKLES.

JEAN

They've been trying to get rid of that mutt for ages. It never does as it's told.

IRIS

I never know what that bloke's on about. I just nod and smile. It's got me by all these years.

JEAN

It's a knack you have to learn Iris.

IRIS TAKES OUT A HANDKERCHIEF, SPITS ON IT, AND DROPS DOWN TO WIPE SOMETHING OFF OF THE FLOOR. JEAN LOOKS OVER AT HER. THEN IRIS STANDS UP AGAIN.

IRIS

Got it. Looked like a bogey for a minute.

JEAN WINCES.

CUT TO:

SCENE 4. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB. MID MORNING.

THE PUB IS REASONABLY BUSY. PEGGY IS ON DUTY, AND IS TALKING TO RUE WHO IS AT THE BAR. THERE IS A TALL WINE GLASS, FULL OF WINE, NEAR HER ON THE COUNTER.

RUE

So what is this village party do all about?

PEGGY

Oh, it's just a chance for us quaint old folk to come together, enjoy ourselves and have tourists take pictures of us.

RUE

And you're not into that?

RUE'S WINE GLASS IS SEEN TO BE HALF EMPTY, DESPITE HER NOT HAVING DRUNK FROM IT AT ALL.

PEGGY

It's better than dancing in clogs, or chasing a pig's bladder up and down the High Street I suppose.

RUE

Do they do that?

PEGGY

I don't.

RUE

So, who's organising it all? You?

PEGGY

Do I sound like I'm the publicist?!

RUE

Not really, no.

PEGGY

George Stable's in charge of it. From the corner shop. It'll probably be a washout. It normally is.

RUE

So I'd have to talk to him would I?

PEGGY

If you're interested in it, yes. I'm surprised that he hasn't been round to see you anyway.

RUE SMILES.

RUE

Cheers!

RUE TAKES A SIP FROM HER FULL WINE GLASS.

CUT TO:

SCENE 5. EXT. DAY. LOUIE'S LOCK-UP.

LOUIE IS ALONE. THERE ARE LARGE PLAIN BOXES TAKING UP MOST OF THE SPACE. LOUIE IS MOOCHING AROUND WITH A CLIP BOARD IN HIS HAND. HE PART CLAMBERS UP AND ONTO BOXES TO LOOK FOR AND COUNT OTHERS. AS HE CLIMBS UP ONTO ONE BOX HE SUDDENLY COMES FACE TO FACE WITH GREG. GREG IS GRINNING LIKE JACK NICHOLSON IN "THE SHINING."

LOUIE

(QUICKLY:) Oh my God!

GREG

Hello Louie.

LOUIE

What? How did you get here? You must have followed me.

GREG GETS DOWN AND GOES ROUND THE BOX TO SEE LOUIE DISMOUNT THE BOX THAT HE WAS ON.

GREG

I did indeed. Some men are hard to find, but for you I pulled out all the stops.

LOUIE

W-well, what is it you want? You gave me a fright.

GREG

Nothing like the fright that I got when your local bobby told me that a consignment of soup that I own was stolen. (A BEAT) I don't suppose it'd be in here by any chance?

LOUIE

Soup? What would I know about that? There's nothing of yours in here, it's all mine.

GREG

Mind if I look around?

LOUIE

Yes.

GREG

You know what? Back in Australia we'd call you a mongrel.

LOUIE

Really.

GREG STARTS TO LOOK ROUND, IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA, FOR HIS PROPERTY. LOUIE FOLLOWS HIM WITH HIS CLIP BOARD.

GREG

And bad deeds, they say, are like boomerangs.

LOUIE

What is it you want?

GREG

Didn't I make that clear? Someone somewhere has got my property, and I want it back. That is soup, to which I know I referred earlier.

LOUIE

Yes, and I told you that I haven't got it.

GREG

What is in these boxes?

LOUIE

Leave them alone. They're mine.

GREG STOPS POKING AROUND.

GREG

Are you going to open one, or am I?

LOUIE

Look, your bloody soup's not in there OK?

GREG

So what is then?

LOUIE

(RELUCTANTLY:) Commodes.

GREG

What?!

LOUIE

I'm a commode salesman.

GREG LAUGHS.

GREG

You sell wooden potties?

LOUIE

Chamber pots set in finest woods, yes.

GREG LAUGHS.

GREG

You have got to be kidding me?

LOUIE

No.

GREG

So why do you keep them stashed way out here?

LOUIE

This is to go no further. No one must know what I do. I'm a bone fide salesman.

GREG

For commodes.

LOUIE

Yes. I keep my stock here. I get leads from nursing magazines, rest homes, and so on. It's not a door to door job.

GREG

I can imagine.

LOUIE

So are you satisfied? Now you've tried to intimidate me. Are you happy?

GREG

Not really. It was something that somebody said. It made me suspicious. And I'm not usually wrong about these things.

LOUIE

If you think I had anything to do with your stupid soup then you're dead wrong. What on earth would I do with a batch of soup?

GREG

It might not have been stolen for what it is more for what it represents.

LOUIE

Whichever, whatever... it has nothing to do with me. Now, if you don't go I'll have to call the police.

GREG

You're right, I should go. All I want to say is that I'm not a fool, and I don't like being taken for one. I also look after me and mine. If anyone messes with me, my family or my friends, including my new friends in Watercress, then they generally wish they never had.

LOUIE

Very commendable. So, can I get on now?

GREG

Yeah. Better keep your place secure Louie. You know even the best people get burgled.

GREG LEAVES. LOUIE MAKES SURE THAT GREG DOES, AND LOCKS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. LOUIE LOOKS ANGRY AND EVIL.

CUT TO:

SCENE 6. INT. DAY. THE CORNER SHOP (GEORGE'S SHOP).

THERE IS A HUGE GAP WHERE THE DISPLAY OF MCRIFE'S SOUPS NORMALLY STANDS. IN THE SHOP THERE IS A SIGN WHICH READS "ONE CAN OF SOUP PER CUSTOMER PER DAY." BARBARA IS IN THE SHOP TALKING TO GEORGE. COLIN IS VERY QUIETLY LURKING. BRENDA IS IN LOOKING AROUND. BARBARA NODS TOWARDS THE SIGN.

BARBARA

Don't you normally start these rumours when trade slackens off a bit George?

GEORGE

Don't knock it. You could do worse than start one about a shampoo famine. But no, this is out of my hands. There's been a real rush with people panic buying.

BRENDA APPROACHES THE COUNTER.

BRENDA

Of course you know who I think is responsible, don't you?

GEORGE

No.

BRENDA

The Didgeridingo fella himself. Bit of press coverage, bit of publicity.

BARBARA

You shouldn't go round saying things like that.

GEORGE

Especially as you work for the man. (A BEAT) Now, Barbara. About the village party...

BARBARA

Oh all right then. I'll come.

GEORGE

Excellent.

BRENDA

I could do with a change of jobs. Hey, Lanky! Anything doing down on your farm?

COLIN DOESN'T ANSWER. HE LOOKS VERY AWKWARD FOR A FEW SECONDS, THEN QUICKLY LEAVES THE SHOP.

GEORGE

Brenda! You might have let him make a purchase before you scared him.

BRENDA

Why? What's up with him?

GEORGE

You know. Him and Lisa.

BRENDA

That tart! She's always the same.

BARBARA

Poor Colin.

GEORGE

So where's Ted this morning?

BRENDA

Oh, he slithered out early. Things never change do they? Well, maybe once in a while.

BRENDA LAUGHS.

CUT TO:

SCENE 7. INT. DAY. THE CAFE FLAT (LIVING ROOM). JUST BEFORE LUNCH TIME.

THERE IS NO ONE IN THE FLAT. DANIEL LETS HIMSELF IN.

DANIEL

(OOV:) Lynne? Anybody home?

THERE IS NO ANSWER. DANIEL ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM. HE'S DRESSED IN OVERALLS AND IS CARRYING HIS TOOL ROLL. HE PASSES THROUGH THE ROOM TO OTHER ROOMS (TO CHECK TAPS, AND THE HOT WATER TANK ETC.) HE KNOCKS SOME PAPERS AND ENVELOPES ONTO THE FLOOR, FROM A TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM. HE LEAVES THE ROOM.

WHEN HE COMES BACK INTO THE ROOM HE PICKS UP A LARGE ENVELOPE FROM THE FLOOR. HE LOOKS INTO THE ENVELOPE AND PULLS THE CONTENTS PART OF THE WAY OUT. HE LOOKS ANGRY, AND THROWS THE ENVELOPE ONTO THE TABLE. AT THAT MOMENT, LYNNE COMES INTO THE ROOM, LOOKING SHOCKED TO SEE DANIEL THERE.

LYNNE

I thought Moira said you were coming round tonight.

DANIEL

Give you chance to tidy up then would it?

LYNNE

Well, yes.

DANIEL

Get rid of all this mess?

LYNNE

It's not that bad.

DANIEL

I'd say that it was filthy. And even dirtier now that you're here.

LYNNE LOOKS EMBARRASSED AND WORRIED. DANIEL PICKS UP THE ENVELOPE THAT HE THREW DOWN.

DANIEL

You know what I'm talking about. I'm giving you one hour to get all of your stuff out of here. Or I'll have the Law out.

LYNNE

You're joking.

DANIEL

No. My joking head's in for a service. Lack of use. You've got one hour, and you're already wasting the first minute of it.

LYNNE

One hour's not long enough. Where am I going to go?

DANIEL

I'll be back in an hour. Anything left here not belonging to me or Moira will be incinerated. Do I make myself clear?

LYNNE NODS SLOWLY.

DANIEL

Also, you make sure that any more stuff like this is destroyed. Because if I ever find one shred of it surfacing anywhere then I'll know who to blame, and I'll know who to come after, won't I?

LYNNE

I didn't mean it.

DANIEL

I'm not interested. Just get out.

DANIEL STORMS OUT, WITH THE ENVELOPE. LYNNE IS LEFT STANDING THERE LOOKING WORRIED.

CUT TO:

SCENE 8. EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE THE CORNER SHOP (GEORGE'S SHOP)

GEORGE IS OUTSIDE RE-STACKING A FEW OF HIS VEGETABLE DISPLAYS. ETHAN, DRESSED IN HIS TRACKSUIT, JOGS BY FROM RIGHT TO LEFT. PAUL, DRESSED IN HIS POLICE UNIFORM, CYCLES UP SLOWLY, FROM LEFT TO RIGHT, LOOKING AT THE VEGETABLES.

GEORGE

(CALLING TO PAUL AS PAUL CYCLES PAST:) Don't forget what I said about the village party!

PAUL

(CALLING BACK:) Put me down for food!

PAUL DISAPPEARS FROM VIEW.

GEORGE

(UNDER HIS BREATH:) Is that supply, or consume?

JEAN COMES OUT OF GEORGE'S SHOP, SHOVING THREE CANS OF MCRIFE'S SOUP INTO HER SHOPPING BASKET.

GEORGE

Were those the flavours you wanted Jean?

JEAN

Yes. Thank you very much George.

GEORGE

So, you'll be coming to the party then?

JEAN

Will there be any children there?

GEORGE

I haven't asked any personally, but you can't stop people bringing them.

JEAN

Oh no. Of course you can't.

JEAN WALKS AWAY TOWARDS HER SHOP WITHOUT ANSWERING GEORGE. GEORGE CONTINUES TO RE-STACK AND WE SEE JEAN ENTER HER SHOP.

CUT TO:

SCENE 9. INT. DAY. THE NEWSAGENTS (JEAN'S SHOP).

CEDRIC IS IN THE SHOP. HE IS THE ONLY ONE THERE. JEAN ENTERS, TRYING TO SWING HER SHOPPING BASKET UNDER HER ARMPIT AWAY FROM CEDRIC.

CEDRIC

Ah, there you are! I've been waiting for you.

JEAN

Yes. I had to nip out for a minute.

CEDRIC

I hope you locked your till. You don't seem to be able to trust people any more.

JEAN

I did lock it, yes. Anyway, it's alarmed. It creates more of a kerfuffle than you.

JEAN GOES BEHIND THE COUNTER AND CONCEALS HER SHOPPING BASKET.

JEAN

Now, what can I do for you?

CEDRIC TOSSES OVER A SMALL WHITE ENVELOPE ONTO THE COUNTER.

CEDRIC

Me paper bill.

JEAN

You've come to pay?

CEDRIC

Certainly not! I've come to complain.

JEAN

The paper girl is still folding your newspapers three times isn't she?

CEDRIC

The folding's fine. It's the delivery charge.

JEAN

What about it?

CEDRIC

It's gone up.

JEAN

Yes. A fortnight ago.

CEDRIC

Why wasn't I informed?

JEAN

There was a notice in the shop, and a note at the bottom of the last bill.

CEDRIC

In very small print most likely. And what good's a notice in the shop? If I have to come in to read it then I may as well pick up me papers at the same time.

JEAN

Well if you want me to cancel delivery then I will.

CEDRIC

I've been doing some calculations...

JEAN

Oh no, should I call me solicitor?

CEDRIC

Before, the delivery charge used to work out cheaper, in the long term, than the apportioned cost, of walking to and from the shop every day, of having me shoes soled and heeled. Now, though, you're more expensive.

JEAN

Cedric...

JEAN TEARS UP CEDRIC'S BILL.

JEAN

I'll cancel your delivery forthwith and I'll forget what you owe me. How's that?

CEDRIC

Hmmm...

JEAN

Take it or leave it. I can soon get some sticky tape out and put this back together again.

CEDRIC

No that won't be necessary. Thank you. Goodbye.

CEDRIC LEAVES. JEAN LOOKS A LITTLE FLUSTERED.

CUT TO:

SCENE 10. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

LISA IS BEHIND THE BAR. PEGGY IS IN THE BACKGROUND. THE PUB IS BEGINNING TO EMPTY (CUSTOMERS PLAYED BY EXTRAS) AS IT'S NEARLY LUNCH TIME CLOSING.

LISA

(CALLS:) Last orders please, ladies and gentleman.

CEDRIC ENTERS THE PUB LOOKING RUFFLED. HE APPROACHES THE BAR.

LISA

Hello Cedric. You're looking smart today. You'll have to be quick, it's last orders I'm afraid. What'll you have?

CEDRIC

Just a half then, please.

LISA

(GENUINELY CHEERFUL:) Go on, this one's on me!

CEDRIC GIVES A LITTLE SEEN SMILE. LISA PULLS HIS HALF PINT.

CEDRIC

Thank you lass.

PEGGY STEPS FORWARD.

PEGGY

That doesn't happen very often!

LISA SMILES AND HANDS CEDRIC HIS DRINK.

CEDRIC

Nice to know you're not all money mad. (A BEAT) Cheers!

PEGGY GIVES LISA A "CAN'T QUITE FIGURE YOU OUT BUT I THINK YOU MIGHT BE NICE DEEP DOWN" LOOK.

CUT TO:

SCENE 11. EXT. DAY. LONG PARK (ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF WATERCRESS VILLAGE). AFTERNOON.

BETHANY [PLAYED BY A DIFFERENT ACTRESS FROM EPISODES 1 TO 4] IS SITTING ON A BENCH IN THE PARK. SHE IS DRESSED IN SCHOOL UNIFORM, WITH NO OVERCOAT. SHE IS STARING, LOOKING DEPRESSED. SEAN, DRESSED IN AN (OPEN) THICK OLIVE GREEN COAT, CYCLES UP TO HER. SEAN STOPS AT THE BENCH BUT DOES NOT GET OFF OF THE BIKE. BETHANY LOOKS UP. THEY STARE AT EACHOTHER FOR A FEW MOMENTS.

SEAN

Shouldn't you be at school?

BETHANY

Shouldn't you? (A BEAT) That's the opening line around here is it?

SEAN

No I meant, is there anything wrong?

BETHANY

I'm OK.

SEAN

I've seen you around.

BETHANY

I've seen you too. Otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you, and you'd be on your way to hospital.

SEAN LAUGHS.

BETHANY

Sit down for goodness sake. If you're going to pester me I don't want to crane my neck too. You can't have it all your own way.

SEAN GETS OFF OF HIS BIKE AND SITS DOWN BESIDE BETHANY.

BETHANY

(SARCASTICALLY:) That's a really cool coat, you know.

SEAN

You won't be laughing when it starts to rain. It said it would.

BETHANY

Is that so?

SEAN SMILES SLIGHTLY.

SEAN

So, what are you doing out here?

BETHANY

How about you?

SEAN

I had to get out.

BETHANY

We have that in common then.

SEAN

What was it, or who was it?

BETHANY

It's too hard, too complicated to explain. (A BEAT) You've always lived here, have you?

SEAN

Yes. Born and raised, as they say.

BETHANY

I wasn't. Don't you find it dull?

SEAN

Not really no. You do though?

BETHANY

Everything's so different. It's like when a clock stops anywhere in the world they bring it here and nobody notices. (A BEAT) And I don't know anyone in Watercress.

SEAN

You have your parents.

BETHANY

Yeah, but we can't exactly hang out you know. Would you hang out with yours?

SEAN

Well I work with my mum...

BETHANY

That's not the same is it.

SEAN

Why did you come here, to England?

BETHANY

I was kidnapped, but the Australian government are refusing to pay the ransom.

SEAN

It's weird you being taken out of school to a different country.

BETHANY

I don't want to talk about it, OK. So what about you, what's your problem? Tell doctor Bethany.

SEAN

It's my dad, and my mum I s'pose. My dad wants me to be a big macho man like him. I haven't even got the frame for it, let alone the inclination. It just doesn't feel natural. He treats my mum like dirt and she just takes it. It makes me mad.

BETHANY

So what do you want to do?

SEAN SIGHS.

SEAN

I don't know. I just cycle and think. (A BEAT) When I'm riding up a hill I think of all the things I want to do, of all the potential. And when I freewheel down the other side I think how wonderful everything is as a result. Then I hit the flat road again.

IT STARTS TO RAIN. SEAN PULLS HIS COAT TOGETHER. BETHANY LOOKS ON.

SEAN

Are you going back now?

BETHANY

I've nowhere to go.

SEAN

I can't leave you here in the rain. Let's walk back.

THE TWO STAND UP. SEAN OPENS HIS COAT AGAIN, AND WRAPS PART OF IT AROUND BETHANY THE BEST HE CAN. BETHANY HUDDLES INTO SEAN'S SHOULDER, UNDER THE COAT.

BETHANY

We'll never both get on your bike like this.

SEAN LAUGHS. THE TWO WALK OFF LIKE THEY WERE TIED UP FOR A THREE-LEGGED RACE. SEAN WHEELS HIS BIKE. AS WE SEE THEIR BACKS, IRIS WALKS OUT FROM BEHIND A BUSH SEEING THEIR BACKS ALSO.

IRIS

Aha!

CUT TO:

SCENE 12. INT. DAY. CEDRIC'S FRONT ROOM.

CEDRIC IS DOZING IN HIS ARMCHAIR.

FADE TO:

SCENE 13. EXT. DAY. A BATTLEFIELD.

THIS SCENE IS SHOT INITIALLY IN SEPIA. VERY FAINT NOISE OF BATTLE IN BACKGROUND, WITH REVERB.

ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.2 (VERSION 2) IN BACKGROUND, BEHIND BATTLE NOISE.

CLOSE UP OF TWO SOLDIERS. WE DO NOT SEE THEIR FACES HEAD ON - NO EYE CONTACT WITH THE CAMERA.

THE SOLDIERS SPEAK TO ONE ANOTHER. THEIR VOICES ARE FAINT AND HEARD WITH REVERB.

SOLDIER 2

Where's Cedric?

THE SOLDIERS TURN TO CAMERA SO THAT WE SEE THEIR FACES FULL ON. AS THEY TURN, THE SCENE SLOWLY CHANGES FROM SEPIA INTO COLOUR.

SOLDIER 1

There he is!

SOLDIER 2

Come on Cedric! Quick!

CEDRIC, OOV, GROANS. THE TWO SOLDIERS SMILE. AS THEY DO SO, THE SCREEN TURNS TO A BRILLIANT WHITE LIGHT.

CUT TO:

SCENE 14. INT. DAY. THE SALTS' FRONT ROOM.

TED IS BY HIMSELF, READING A PAPER. THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR. TED GETS UP TO ANSWER IT.

TED

(OOV:) It's you. What do you want?

LOUIE

(OOV:) I've got something for you.

TED

(OOV:) That'll be a change.

LOUIE

(OOV:) Can I come in?

THE FRONT DOOR IS SHUT AND TED AND LOUIE WALK INTO THE FRONT ROOM.

TED

What is it?

LOUIE HANDS TED A BROWN ENVELOPE.

LOUIE

Open it!

TED OPENS THE ENVELOPE AND PULLS OUT A CHEQUE. HE EYES IT SUSPICIOUSLY.

LOUIE

Don't worry - it won't bounce. ( A BEAT) That's your investment back.

TED

This is more than I paid you.

LOUIE

A little bit, yes.

TED

How come?

LOUIE

I suddenly realised I'd been hanging on to your money for too long. I'm sorry that there's not more profit. I over estimated it.

TED

And I under estimated you. (A BEAT) What about that...

LOUIE

(INTERRUPTING:) Forget all about that. Forget it happened, forget we spoke.

TED SMIRKS.

TED

All right. I will on one condition.

LOUIE

What's that?

TED

That you don't tell Brenda about this - you giving me this money back. She's only just stopped moaning that I gave the money away in the first place. It'll be another little secret between you and me. OK?

LOUIE SMILES A SMARMY SMILE.

LOUIE

OK with me.

LOUIE OFFERS TED HIS HAND. THEY SHAKE HANDS. TED HOLDS OUT HIS RIGHT HAND, AFTERWARDS, AS IF LOUIE HAS COVERED IT WITH OIL OR GREASE.

CUT TO:

SCENE 15. INT. NIGHT. CEDRIC'S FRONT ROOM. MID EVENING.

CEDRIC IS STILL ASLEEP IN HIS ARMCHAIR. THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE FRONT DOOR. CEDRIC DOESN'T GET UP. THERE IS ANOTHER KNOCK. CEDRIC DOES NOT RESPOND. WE HEAR THE KEY TURN IN THE LOCK AND THE DOOR OPEN.

ANNIE

(OOV:) Yoo hoo, Cedric! It's only me. I've let myself in. Cedric?

ANNIE ENTERS THE FRONT ROOM.

ANNIE

Cedric? You've not forgotten...

ANNIE, VERY CONCERNED, DASHES OVER TO CEDRIC.

ANNIE

Cedric?

ANNIE CHECKS CEDRIC'S PULSE IN HIS WRIST BUT CAN'T FIND ONE. SHE CHECKS FOR ONE IN HIS NECK.

ANNIE

(VERY EMOTIONALLY:) Oh no, Cedric.

ANNIE DROPS TO THE FLOOR AND PUTS HER HEAD ON CEDRIC'S LAP.

[THERE IS NO SIGNATURE TUNE, AS A MARK OF RESPECT TO CEDRIC].

CREDITS.

[END OF EPISODE 5]

[START OF EPISODE 6]

SIGNATURE TUNE.

TITLES.

SCENE 1. EXT. DAY. WATERCRESS HIGH STREET. ABOUT 8 AM.

DARREN, DRESSED IN A GAUDY SHELL SUIT, IS BUILDING SOME STALLS (FOR THE VILLAGE PARTY) IN THE STREET. HE IS SAWING AND JOINING VARIOUS PIECES OF TIMBER. THE FRONT DOOR TO HIS HOUSE OPENS, AND HE TURNS ROUND TO LOOK AT IT. JANIE EMERGES FROM THE HOUSE. DARREN WAVES TO HER. SHE PATS HER FLAT STOMACH. JANIE SHUTS THE DOOR AND WALKS OFF DOWN THE STREET. DARREN CARRIES ON WITH HIS WORK, SMILING TO HIMSELF.

CUT TO:

SCENE 2. EXT. DAY. THE OUTSIDE DOOR TO THE ANNEXE FLAT (IN REGENT ROAD).

THE FRONT DOOR IS OPENED BY GREG, DRESSED IN HIS DRESSING GOWN. HE BENDS DOWN TO PICK UP THREE BOTTLES OF MILK. NEXT TO THE MILK IS A VACUUM FLASK. GREG SMILES. HE PICKS UP THE FLASK AND LOOKS AROUND TO SEE IF SOMEONE MAY BE SPYING ON HIM. HE CONCEALS THE FLASK UNDER HIS DRESSING GOWN, THEN GOES BACK INTO THE FLAT AND CLOSES THE FRONT DOOR.

CUT TO:

SCENE 3. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB. MID MORNING.

TED IS IN THE PUB, READING A NEWSPAPER AT WHAT APPEARS TO HIS REGULAR TABLE. A HALF-SUPPED PINT GLASS OF BEER IS ON THE TABLE. PEGGY IS BEHIND THE BAR. WE CAN SEE A SMALL PICTURE OF CEDRIC ON THE BAR WITH A SMALL FLORAL WREATH AROUND IT. RUE ENTERS AND APPROACHES TED.

RUE

Good morning Ted.

TED

Oh, hello! Sit down. Can I get you a drink?

RUE

No, let me get you one. A half pint in there, is it?

TED

I'd like to try a pint of Monk's Navel, if they've got it on.

RUE

Righty-ho!

RUE GOES UP TO THE COUNTER AND ORDERS, FROM PEGGY, A WHITE WINE FOR HERSELF, AND A PINT OF REAL ALE FOR TED. TED FOLDS HIS PAPER UP AND, IN A FEW GULPS, FINISHES HIS PINT. RUE RE-JOINS TED. PEGGY GETS THE DRINKS.

TED

Nice morning.

RUE

So far so good. Listen, I wanted to talk to you. As one business person to another.

TED

Oh yes, what about.

PEGGY

(CALLS:) Rue!

RUE

Hang on a sec, I'll just get the drinks.

RUE GOES UP TO THE BAR, AND COLLECTS AND PAYS FOR THE DRINKS THAT SHE ORDERED. TED, SLOW AT FIRST, GETS UP TO CARRY HIS PINT BACK. RUE AND TED SIT AT THE TABLE AGAIN.

TED

What was it you wanted to talk about? Business?

RUE

Yes. Are you a gambling man?

TED

In what sense?

RUE

Oh, I don't know. Dogs, horses... that sort of thing.

TED

Well, not really. I see myself as an investor rather than a gambler.

RUE

Good! How do you feel about owning part of a race horse?

TED

I don't know. Which race horse?

RUE

"Bangle's Bundle." My brother's looking to sell his share.

TED

Is it famous? I've never heard of it?

RUE

If you're not into racing then you won't have, but in any case it's in Australia.

TED LAUGHS

TED

Australia! How do I know it even exists?

RUE

I can show you a photograph of it.

RUE GETS A PHOTO OUT OF HER HANDBAG.

TED

I really don't know. I don't know enough about these things.

RUE HANDS TED THE PHOTO AND TED LOOKS AT IT.

TED

For all I know this could be a picture you took one day at the races. (A BEAT) No, I'm sorry - no. Thanks for the pint, by the way.

RUE SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS AND TAKES THE PHOTO BACK.

CUT TO:

SCENE 4. INT. DAY. ANNIE'S FRONT ROOM.

ANNIE SHOWS ETHAN IN.

ANNIE

Take a seat Ethan.

ETHAN SITS DOWN.

ANNIE

It's very good of you to come.

ETHAN

It's the least I could do, especially for a fellow professional. I wanted to put your mind at rest on one thing at least, in that you couldn't have done anything for Cedric.

ANNIE

He was cold when I found him.

ETHAN

Yes. He must have been dead for a a couple of hours before you phoned the hospital. It looks like he died peacefully in his sleep from natural causes.

ANNIE BEGINS TO CRY, AND HOLDS HER HEAD IN HER HANDS.

ANNIE

Oh I'm sorry Ethan, I've seen it so many times.

ETHAN

But never someone so close?

ANNIE

Yes, I've seen even that. But... it's just that Cedric characterised something - his era, my era. And now he's gone. It's almost as if those times never existed, or meant anything.

ETHAN

Why don't you pop into my surgery later. Any time will do. I'll fix you up with something.

ANNIE

I don't think they do honour, pride and civility in tablet form yet Ethan.

ETHAN SIGHS SYMPATHETICALLY.

ETHAN

That they don't Annie. That they don't.

CUT TO:

SCENE 5. INT. DAY. THE ANNEXE KITCHEN.

GREG AND RUE ARE SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE. GREG IS ON THE PHONE. RUE IS WAITING ANXIOUSLY FOR THE CALL TO FINISH. WE CAN SEE A COUPLE OF THE SHOPPING BAGS STUFFED INTO A DRAWER BY THE SINK. GREG PUTS THE PHONE DOWN.

RUE

What'd he say? What'd he say?

GREG LOOKS DEPRESSED.

GREG

She hasn't been there either.

RUE IS ABOUT TO LOSE IT.

RUE

Oh no, my beautiful daughter.

GREG

Now calm down Rue. Don't go thinking the worst. We've got to do this logically.

RUE

But where's Bethany?

GREG

Let me call the police right now, and we'll see what can be done.

GREG PICKS UP THE PHONE AGAIN.

RUE

But I can't just sit here.

GREG

Neither can I love. Don't worry. We'll find her safe and sound.

CUT TO:

SCENE 6. INT. DAY. "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

THE PUB IS BUSTLING, BUT IT'S NOT SELLING ALCOHOL. PEGGY HAS ALLOWED THE PUB TO BE USED AS H.Q. FOR CO-ORDINATING THE HUNT FOR BETHANY. GREG, RUE AND LISA ARE THERE.

COLIN IS IN THE PUB, BUT AVOIDS LISA. MOST OF THE CUSTOMERS ARE PLAYED BY EXTRAS. PAUL IS THERE DRESSED IN HIS UNIFORM. THERE IS GENERAL BACKGROUND NOISE - A HUBBUB OF TALKING AND SPECULATION.

IRIS HAS A WORD WITH PAUL (A CONVERSATION WE DON'T HEAR AGAINST THE BACKGROUND NOISE). MEANWHILE, COLIN PACES UP AND DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BAR, MAKING EYE CONTACT ONLY WITH PEGGY. COLIN IS DRESSED IN HIS THICK OLIVE GREEN COAT, WHICH HAS A PATCH ON ONE ELBOW.

AFTER IRIS HAS FINISHED TALKING TO HIM, PAUL APPROACHES COLIN. GREG IS VERY ANXIOUS TO FIND HIS DAUGHTER, AND SHADOWS PAUL AS HE CARRIES OUT HIS WORK.

PAUL

I need to have a word with you Colin.

COLIN

Sure.

PAUL

Over here.

PAUL AND COLIN WALK AWAY FROM THE COUNTER. GREG FOLLOWS ACROSS THE FLOOR, AT A SAFE DISTANCE.

PAUL

A witness has told me that they saw you with Bethany in Long Park yesterday.

COLIN

I haven't been to Long Park for ages.

PAUL

Where were you yesterday afternoon?

COLIN

(RELUCTANTLY:) I was in me greenhouse.

PAUL

Can you prove that, was anyone there with you?

COLIN

No. I was on my own.

PAUL

I have to put it to you again. Someone wearing a coat the same as yours, and riding a bike the same as...

COLIN

(INTERRUPTING:) But I haven't got my bike any more.

PAUL

What do you mean?

COLIN

No, I sold it to Sean a few weeks ago.

PAUL

Is this true Colin?

COLIN

Of course it is.

PAUL

OK. You wait here a minute.

PAUL TURNS ROUND IN A HURRY AND BUMPS INTO GREG WHO IS NOW STANDING ALMOST ON TOP OF HIM.

PAUL

Sorry.

GREG

Paul? I know where Sean is. I can vouch for him. Don't waste any time looking for him.

PAUL

Where is he?

GREG

Come with me.

GREG AND PAUL PUSH THEIR WAY OUT OF THE BUSY PUB.

CUT TO:

SCENE 7. EXT. DAY. A COUNTRY ROAD.

WE SEE A MOTORBIKE, THE ONLY VEHICLE ON THE ROAD, IN THE DISTANCE. AS IT APPROACHES WE SEE THAT IT IS CARRYING TWO PEOPLE. WE STAY WITH THEM, FOR A MINUTE, AS THEY RIDE. THE DRIVER IS LYNNE. THE PILLION PASSENGER IS BETHANY [PLAYED BY A DIFFERENT ACTRESS FROM EPISODES 1 TO 5]. BETHANY HAS A SMALL RUCK SACK ON HER BACK. LYNNE AND BETHANY ARE BOTH LAUGHING.

LYNNE

(SHOUTS BACK TO BETHANY:) Nothing's gonna stop us now then! What do you say?

BETHANY

(SHOUTS, EXCITEDLY:) Yay!

LYNNE

(SHOUTS:) Are we soul sisters?

BETHANY

(SHOUTS:) Sisters united!

WE WATCH THE BIKE ROAR OFF DOWN THE ROAD. CLOSE UP OF A ROAD SIGN THAT READS: "WATERCRESS 12" POINTING IN THE DIRECTION THAT THE BIKE HAS COME FROM.

CUT TO:

SCENE 8. EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE "THE LEEK & POTATO" PUB.

A POSSE HAS FORMED OUTSIDE THE PUB, READY TO SET OFF IN SEARCH OF BETHANY. THE BULK OF THOSE TAKING PART ARE PLAYED BY EXTRAS. MAIN CHARACTERS THERE ARE: PAUL, GREG, RUE, IRIS, COLIN, AND DAVID.

SWITCH TO:

DAVID IS CROUCHING IN FRONT OF A LARGE DOG WHICH IS SITTING. THE DOG LOOKS ATTENTIVE. IT HAS A STANDARD COLLAR ON, AND A ROPE FOR A LEAD.

DAVID

(TO THE DOG:) We need to obtain an overview of the situation Nicholas.

THE DOG SEEMS TO NOD "YES."

DAVID

We have a task before us. Assembled now as one community unit, we are galvanised by the desire to find one of us that is missing. Namely, Bethany Bangle.

THE DOG MAKES AN "AWRRH" NOISE, IN SYMPATHY.

SWITCH TO:

PAUL

Right everybody, let's move on out.

THE CROWD BEGINS TO MOBILISE ITSELF. DAVID GETS UP, AND THE DOG STANDS. ALL OF THE CROWD FOLLOW PAUL. AS THEY BEGIN TO DISAPPEAR, TO THE RIGHT, WE CAN SEE THAT DAVID AND HIS DOG HAVE SET OFF TO THE LEFT. THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES TO HAVE DONE SO.

CUT TO:

SCENE 9. EXT. DAY. A COUNTRY ROAD.

WE SEE LYNNE AND BETHANY APPROACH ON THE MOTORBIKE. AS THEY GET CLOSE, WE STAY WITH THEM. THEY SEEM TO BE HAPPY STILL. BETHANY'S ATTENTION IS CAUGHT BY SOMETHING TO HER RIGHT.

BETHANY

(SERIOUSLY, SHOUTS:) Hey, Lynne. Stop a minute.

LYNNE

(SHOUTS:) What?

BETHANY

(SHOUTS:) Just pull over.

LYNNE

(SHOUTS:) What now?

LYNNE SLOWS DOWN AND PULLS OVER TO A HALT.

LYNNE

What is it?

BETHANY

Back there, I saw something.

LYNNE

Saw what?

BETHANY

Turn around. I want to take a look.

LYNNE SIGHS.

LYNNE

OK. Hold on.

LYNNE SLOWLY MANOEUVRES THE BIKE ROUND IN THE NARROW COUNTRY ROAD, AND THEY BEGIN TO RIDE BACK. WE FOLLOW THEM. AFTER A FEW SECONDS, BETHANY POINTS TO HER LEFT.

BETHANY

(SHOUTS:) Over there!

LYNNE RIDES IN THROUGH A NARROW GATEWAY ONTO A SMALL PIECE OF LAND WHICH HAS BEEN CONCERTED OVER. GRASS IS GROWING THROUGH THE CRACKS, AND IT COVERED IN A LIGHT SAND / MUD. LYNNE AND BETHANY REMOVE THEIR HELMETS.

IN FRONT OF THEM IS A VERY LARGE MOUND, LIKE SEVERAL BAILS OF HAY, COVERED WITH A KHAKI TARPAULIN. WITH THE BIKE STOPPED AND THE ENGINE TURNED OFF, BETHANY GOES OVER TO THE MOUND. PART OF THE TARPAULIN HAS COME LOOSE. BETHANY GOES IN TO CHECK HER SUSPICIONS. CLOSE UP OF CORNER WHERE TARPAULIN HAS COME LOOSE TO SEE A CARDBOARD BOX BEARING THE MCRIFE'S LOGO.

BETHANY

I thought so. This is my dad's soup. We've got to go back.

LYNNE

You're joking.

BETHANY

We've got to.

LYNNE

I thought you wanted to leave everything behind.

BETHANY

Before I saw this I did. We can go back and then set off again.

LYNNE

No we can't. We'll phone them from the next town. How about if we stop at the next phone box we see?

BETHANY

If you don't take me back I'll walk.

LYNNE

You can't. It'd take you hours.

BETHANY

Then let's go back.

LYNNE SIGHS, OVER A CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE.

LYNNE

Look, I'll take you to the edge of town, but that's as far as I go.

BETHANY

Great! Thanks! Let's go then.

BETHANY PUTS HER HELMET BACK ON AND GETS BACK ON THE BIKE. LYNNE PUTS HER HELMET BACK ON, STARTS THE BIKE, AND RIDES OFF. WE SEE THEM HEAD BACK IN THE DIRECTION OF WATERCRESS.

CUT TO:

SCENE 11. INT. DAY. THE CAFE.

MOIRA AND DANIEL HAVE NOT JOINED IN THE SEARCH. THEY ARE ALONE IN THE CLOSED CAFE. ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.4 (VERSION 2 [NO LEAD VOCAL]) IS PLAYING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND. IT IS RAINING OUTSIDE. DANIEL LOOKS A LITTLE DAMP.

DANIEL

I'm going to see if I can help in the search.

MOIRA

(SORT OF DISINTERESTED:) Good.

DANIEL

But before I go I wanted to say something.

MOIRA

What, you want to give me tonight's insults now in case you don't get back 'til late?

DANIEL

Not at all. We haven't spoken properly for a while. (A BEAT) It's about Lynne.

MOIRA

Don't talk to me about her.

DANIEL

And why she's gone.

MOIRA

I don't care why she's gone, I'm just glad that she has.

DANIEL

I know why you don't like her but why you let her have the flat.

MOIRA

What do you mean?

DANIEL

Look, I don't want to make a big thing about this. (A BEAT) I found some photos.

MOIRA

What sort of photos?

DANIEL

Moy, it's OK. It doesn't matter to me. In fact, under different circumstances I'd feel quite proud.

MOIRA

That bitch.

DANIEL

I just wanted you to know.

MOIRA

So now you do know then.

DANIEL

And also... I've realised something.

MOIRA

What? That your wife, the would-be actress, was a smutty film star?

DANIEL

No, not that.

MOIRA

What photos were you looking at then?

DANIEL

I realise you gave up your main ambition.

MOIRA

I put it on hold to get married to you. I never intended to give it up for good.

DANIEL

And if you hadn't married me, and if we hadn't had Sean...

MOIRA

Yes, it looks like I threw away everything for just two dodgy films. I knew that someday someone would come across them, but if I wasn't famous then it couldn't hurt us.

DANIEL

I know.

DANIEL AND MOIRA LOOK AT EACHOTHER.

MOIRA

I was known as Sandra. "Sandy Belle" was my, so-called, stage name. It was 1966 and I was nineteen. We were all artists, and poets... and actresses. Those films were tame by today's standards, things you can see in almost any tabloid newspaper. You don't even have to open them up any more, you can just look at their front pages on the shelf. (A BEAT) Of course Lynne was clever. She'd managed to find the film, goodness knows how, and had taken stills and made photographs from them.

DANIEL

You should have said something.

MOIRA

Like what? "Teen blackmails blue café actress"? "Beautiful dark haired Lynne Wilder..."

DANIEL

(INTERRUPTS:) Blackmailers always want more.

MOIRA

Oh I know. A friend of hers even managed to get the film onto a video tape. I dread to think what she had lined up for me next.

DANIEL

Well I've dealt with her.

MOIRA

Thank you.

DANIEL

She won't bother you again.

DANIEL AND MOIRA LOOK AT EACHOTHER.

DANIEL

You know... you were beautiful as "Sandy Belle".

MOIRA LOOKS AT DANIEL WITH MOIST EYES.

DANIEL

And you're even more beautiful as Moira Dipper.

MOIRA STARTS TO CRY, AND PUTS HER HEAD ON DANIEL'S SHOULDER. DANIEL, VERY CLOSE TO TEARS, TURNS HIS HEAD AWAY FROM US.

BETHANY WALKS INTO THE CAFE LOOKING A LITTLE DAMP. SHE IS CARRYING A RADIO-MIC, AND, AS SHE APPROACHES THE HUGGING COUPLE, SHE STARTS TO SING, I.E. PUTTING THE WORDS TO ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.4 (VERSION 2). SHE GETS UP ONTO A SMALL PLATFORM / STAGE.

MOIRA AND DANIEL UN-HUG AND LOOK AROUND. ORIGINAL MUSIC NO.4 ENDS.

MOIRA

Bethany!

DANIEL

Where have you been? Come on, we'd better get in touch with Paul McIntosh and get the hunt called off.

BETHANY GETS DOWN FROM THE PLATFORM / STAGE AND GIVES THE RADIO-MIC TO MOIRA (WHO DOESN'T SEEM TO KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT). DANIEL AND BETHANY LEAVE THE CAFE.

CUT TO:

SCENE 12. INT. DAY. THE MCRIFE'S FACTORY KITCHENS. EARLY AFTERNOON.

SEAN IS BUSY WORKING IN THE KITCHEN, WITH POTS AND PANS AND INGREDIENTS, AMONGST THE INDUSTRIAL COOKERS AND OVENS. HE IS THERE ON HIS OWN UNTIL DANIEL ENTERS.

DANIEL

Hello son.

SEAN LOOKS BUT DOES NOT ANSWER.

DANIEL

I thought I'd find you here. (A BEAT) Is this where you've been sleeping?

SEAN

Not this exact room, no.

DANIEL

I thought I'd let you know... the Bangle girl turned up.

SEAN

Right. Good.

DANIEL

And they've found that consignment of soup too, believe it or not!

SEAN

Really? Where?

DANIEL

Oh, somewhere in the country. (A BEAT) What is it you're doing here?

SEAN

Does Mr Bangle know you're in here?

DANIEL

Sort of.

SEAN

I am a bit busy at the moment, actually.

DANIEL

OK, son. OK. I just wanted to say something. About what you said in the café.

SEAN

I really do have to get on. Can't we talk later?

DANIEL

I hope so. But I just wanted to say that... well... I think it took guts to say what you said to me, in front of the customers and all.

SEAN

I didn't mean it to upset you.

DANIEL

It didn't. But it should have. Look, I know I can be hard to get on with.

SEAN

(EMOTIONALLY:) You said some horrible things.

DANIEL

Yes. I didn't mean to hurt you either.

SEAN

But you did.

DANIEL

I always had you down to be a builder, you see.

SEAN

I know you have.

DANIEL

It's been a dream.

SEAN

But not mine.

DANIEL

I know. I can't get used to you...

SEAN

Being me?

DANIEL

When you're seventeen, strange things happen to your parents and you get the blame. (STRUGGLING A BIT:) And I wanted you to know that...

SEAN

(INTERRUPTING:) I've got to take this lot through to the other room. I've still got work to do before the village party.

DANIEL

Right. Right then. I'll see you there then.

DANIEL GOES TO LEAVE. SEAN PICKS UP A HUGE PAN.

DANIEL

(RELUCTANTLY INCIDENTALLY:) Your mum sends her love, by the way.

SEAN

OK dad. Thanks.

SEAN LEAVES (TO(GO TO THE NEXT ROOM) WITH THE PAN. DANIEL LEAVES THE WAY HE CAME IN.

CUT TO:

SCENE 13. EXT. DAY. WATERCRESS HIGH STREET.

IT IS RAINING, AND THE PARTY IS BEING TRANSFERRED INDOORS. DARREN IS MAKING A PIG'S EAR OF TRYING TO DRAG / CARRY TWO STALLS ALL BY HIMSELF, WHILE DANIEL AND SEAN ARE CONTENT TO TAKE ONE STALL BETWEEN THEM. GEORGE IS BUSY TRYING TO ORGANISE THINGS. IRIS, WEARING A PLASTIC RAIN HAT, APPROACHES GEORGE.

IRIS

Where's everything going?

GEORGE

Indoors Iris! It's raining.

IRIS

Yes, but where to?

GEORGE

The Church Hall in Battalion Street.

IRIS

Where exactly is that? I've heard people talk about it but I've never been there, never seen it.

GEORGE

Just follow Daniel.

IRIS

OK.

IRIS SCUTTLES OFF TO FOLLOW DANIEL AND SEAN.

CUT TO:

SCENE 14. INT. DAY. THE CHURCH HALL.

THE HALL IS BEING ASSEMBLED WITH THE STALLS, ETC., BROUGHT IN FROM THE RAIN. THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE THERE, EXCEPT GEORGE AND THOSE WHO KEEP COMING IN AND OUT WITH FURNITURE.

LISA IS THERE MINGLING, BUT SEEMS TO BE BEING IGNORED BY MOST PEOPLE. LISA IS SHADOWING PAUL, BUT HE DOESN'T NOTICE HER AND IS PREOCCUPIED WITH FINDING AND TASTING THE VARIOUS FOODS AVAILABLE. LISA LOOKS RATHER DEMURE, FOR ONCE.

THERE ARE VISITORS (PLAYED BY EXTRAS) WHO ARE MILLING AROUND. ONE GOES UP TO STALL, BEING RUN BY LOUIE, AND BUYS SOMETHING. WHEN THEY LEAVE WITH THEIR PURCHASE, LOUIE PUTS THE MONEY IN HIS POCKET, AND CHECKS, FURTIVELY, TO SEE IF ANYONE SPOTTED HIM.

PAUL'S HOME MADE WINE HAS A STALL TO ITSELF. PEOPLE COME UP TO THE STALL AND MOST OF THEM ARE KEEN TO PUT BOTTLES BACK (SOME FULL, SOME PARTLY FULL) WHICH THEY HAVE OBVIOUSLY BEEN LUMBERED WITH IN THE PAST. CONSEQUENTLY, THE NUMBER OF BOTTLES ON PAUL'S STALL INCREASES (BUT NOT BY A LUDICROUS AMOUNT). RUE, AND PAUL HIMSELF, ARE THE ONLY ONES DRINKING PAUL'S HOME MADE WINE.

CUT TO:

SCENE 15. EXT. DAY. A COUNTRY ROAD T-JUNCTION WITH A MAIN ROAD.

LYNNE, ON HER MOTORBIKE, IS AT THE T-JUNCTION. WHEN THE ROAD IS CLEAR SHE SETS OFF ON TO THE MAIN ROAD. SHE IS ALONE. WE SEE HER DISAPPEAR INTO THE DISTANCE, AMONGST THE BUSY TRAFFIC.

CUT TO:

SCENE 16. INT. DAY. THE CHURCH HALL.

THE VILLAGE PARTY HAS SUCCESSFULLY BEEN TRANSFERRED INTO THE HALL. PEOPLE ARE SITTING AT TABLES ARRANGED IN A HORSESHOE SHAPE. A HEAD TABLE HAS BEEN SET UP BEHIND WHICH GREG IS STANDING WITH GEORGE. THERE IS A GENERAL BACKGROUND NOISE. A MICROPHONE HAS BEEN SET UP, WHICH, INITIALLY, IS GIVING GEORGE SOME TROUBLE.

GEORGE

(ON THE MIC:) Ladies and gentlemen... could I have your attention please.

THE BACKGROUND NOISE DIES DOWN.

GEORGE

Before we get on with the traditional announcements I'd like to hand the mike to Mr Greg Bangle, the new owner of McRife's Soups. A big hand please.

A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOLLOWS, AND GEORGE HANDS THE MIC TO GREG. THE APPLAUSE DIES DOWN. THE MIC CUTS OUT BRIEFLY. THEN:

GREG

First of all I'd like to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who gave their time and showed that they care by helping to look for my daughter Bethany. Thank you very much.

GREG AND BETHANY LOOK AT EACHOTHER. BETHANY'S NORMALLY SULLEN FACE MANAGES A SMILE. GREG CLEARS AWAY A LUMP OF EMOTION FROM HIS THROAT AND GETS ON WITH IT.

GREG

It's also an honour to be standing up here in front of you at such an important event after only having lived here for what seems like five minutes! I guess that's the mark of quality in you British, or, at the very least, the mark of quality in the people of Watercress and surrounding villages. I hope very much that I can add to what has already been achieved, and maintained, here. (A BEAT) I don't want to go on for too long...

RUE

(PLAYFULLY:) Hooray!

THE CROWD LAUGH.

GREG

But I want to say something about McRife's.

BRENDA, WHO IS SITTING WITH TED AND ANNIE, GETS OUT HER UNION NOTEBOOK.

BRENDA

(QUIETLY, TO TED:) I want to get down every word he says. You listen too, in case I miss anything.

GREG

A lot of you worried when you first heard about me, and my wife Rue, taking over what I think can be described as the heart of Watercress. But I want to assure you that eighty seven years of soup making is safe in my hands. I guarantee everyone's job who currently works for me...

THE CROWD APPLAUD SPONTANEOUSLY.

GREG

... And there may even be new job opportunities in the not too distant future.

THE CROWD APPLAUDS.

GREG

And a lot of this is down to a local lad, someone you all know - Sean Dipper.

CLOSE UP OF DANIEL ABOUT TO BE OVERCOME. MOIRA LOOKS PROUD.

GREG

Most of you know I've had some trouble recently one way or another but Sean has single handedly come to my rescue. Where is Sean?

THE CROWD LOOK AROUND. SEAN IS LOCATED.

GREG

Come up here!

SEAN JOINS GREG AT THE HEAD TABLE.

GREG

Apart from organising all of, and providing most of, the food here today, Sean has created a brand new recipe for the McRife's range, the first new one for twenty years in fact. (A BEAT) It's impressed me, it impressed the bank manager...

GENTLE LAUGH FROM CROWD

GREG

... and I hope it impresses you when it becomes available. (TO SEAN:) Sean, would you like to say anything?

SEAN TAKES THE MIC. SEAN HAS TROUBLE WITH THE MIC FOR ONE OR TWO SECONDS.

SEAN

I'd just like to say "thanks" to my mum and dad for their support.

DANIEL HOLDS HIS FACE IN ONE HAND AS THE TEARS ROLL. MOIRA IS MISTY EYED AND PROUD. SEAN GIVES THE MIC BACK TO GREG.

GREG

Thank you.

GREG GIVES THE MIC TO GEORGE.

GEORGE

Ladies...

THERE IS TROUBLE WITH THE MIC. GEORGE GOES ABOUT TRYING TO SORT IT. GREG, RUE, SEAN AND BETHANY GO OUT INTO THE CROWD. THEY APPROACH THE TABLE WHERE BRENDA, TED AND ANNIE ARE SITTING. BRENDA QUICKLY HIDES HER NOTEBOOK. SEAN SETS ABOUT FILLING PEOPLES SOUP BOWLS, WITH HELP FROM WAITING STAFF (PLAYED BY EXTRAS). BETH HOLDS GREG'S HAND FOR THE FIRST TIME.

ANNIE

Ooh, Mr Bangle!

GREG

"Greg", please! You take good care of my Bethany back in Oz!

BRENDA

What's this? Are you emigrating?

ANNIE

No! I'm flying to Australia using the ticket that Lynne should have used, and Mr... Greg's paying for Bethany to fly back with me. I'll be staying in their house.

RUE

I don't think we thought hard enough before dragging Bethany all the way over here.

GREG

Beth's going back to school for one more term at least, and as our house is empty we've said that Annie is welcome to live there.

ANNIE

It means I'll get to see my son Donald again.

TED

Say hello to my horse when you're over there.

RUE LAUGHS

BRENDA

What horse?

THERE IS A THREAT OF A TENSE MOMENT.

TED

Oh, that's just an expression. It's like saying "give my regards to everyone in Watercress when you're there."

BRENDA

Oh.

ANNIE

I will Ted.

GEORGE FINALLY GETS THE MIC WORKING AGAIN. PAUL IS BUSY FILLING WINE GLASSES WITH HIS HOME MADE WINE. PEOPLE LOOK DISGUSTED AS THEIR GLASSES ARE FILLED.

GEORGE

Sorry about that. Before the end of the party I'd just like us to remember one of our number who missed being here by just a few days. Cedric Walters.

ANNIE STARTS TO CRY. CLOSE UPS OF JEAN, PEGGY AND BARBARA.

GEORGE

He would have liked to have been here again, and perhaps in spirit he is. To some of us he was Watercress. He certainly had the best memory of it! So I'd like to propose a toast to Cedric and our village.

PEOPLE, ALTHOUGH SYMPATHETIC, DO NOT WANT TO DRINK THE WINE (APART FROM PAUL AND RUE WHOSE GLASSES ARE POISED). THERE IS THEN ASTONISHMENT WHEN GEORGE PICKS UP A SOUP SPOON, DIPS IT IN HIS SOUP AND SAYS:

GEORGE

To Cedric and our village!

GEORGE SLURPS SOME SOUP FROM HIS SPOON. PEOPLE LOOK AT EACHOTHER, THEN DO THE SAME. SLURPS FROM AROUND THE HALL. THEN LAUGHTER.

SIGNATURE TUNE.

CREDITS.

[END OF EPISODE 6]

[END OF SERIES]

Characters

BARBARA STRAW

Loves live and people. Wouldn't flirt with anyone who is attached, or with where it would hurt anyone. Easy going, it takes something pretty audacious to upset her. Watch out when it does though. We're never actually sure of her sexuality.

SEAN DIPPER

Is 17, but has a baby face. Sean's enevtual friendship with Bethany is purely innocent with no innuendos whatsovever. Sensitive. Cannot identify with his macho father. Doesn't want to follow in his footsteps. Wants to be a chef / cook.

DARREN YOUNGBLOOD

Bit of a tosser. No real deep feelings although by giving him the benefit of the doubt it can sometimes appear that he has.

JANIE YOUNGBLOOD

Always wanted to get married, and had no other plans. World ruined by not being able to have children, but decides to make a go (even if incorp. make believe) to make the best of it. Tells herself that she loves Darren.

LISA KARMOVA

Long red hair, freckles. Pale skin. (Eddi Reader-ish). Savage wit, doesn't care who she hurts as a result, doesn't care what she says. Bitter with little sweet going for her. (Perhaps a granule or two). Flirts with a deadly aim. Enjoys watching men succumb to her charms, but not there to pick up the pieces.

GREG BANGLE

Played by a real Australian actor. Likes all ladies but not in a what-he-can-get way. Reveres them, almost worships them. But sees somethng extra special and pure and religious in Moira. Can't do anyhting about it though. Happy to be a man, happy with the way he looks. But is a modest chap. Likeable and admirable. Stromg defender of his family even thouhg sometimes he doesn't pay enough attention to what's going on.

RUE BANGLE

Played by a real Australian actor. Likes the good life. Loves her daughter but never tells her. Doesn't commincate real well. Likes to drink to be happy (NOT dependent on booze), and likes to spend money. Loves the experience of shopping for goodies. Likes a party. Likes people. Lively personality. Loose grip on reality.

DAVID NUBBLE

Educated to a stupid level. So advanced in brain department cannot communicate in a common sense / everyday level.

GEORGE STABLE

Hearty laugh from big chest. Solid guy. Let many ladies slip by without even noticing that they were devastataed. A little bit tight with his money.

( Back to Contents )

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