How To Become A Better Person | Jordan Peterson Joe Rogan Podcast
compare yourself to who you were
yesterday not to who someone else is
today yes because you need to be you
need to have a hierarchy of improvement
you need to be aiming something for
something and that means you're going to
be lesser than people who've always
already attained along that dimension
yes and that can give rise to envy so
the question is who should you defeat in
the final analysis and the answer is you
should defeat your former self you
should be constantly trying to do that
and you're the right control for
yourself to because you're the one who's
had all your advantages and
disadvantages and so if you want to
compete fairly with someone then you
should be competing with you and it is
the case and this is what we were
talking about too with regards to the
self improvement of the fighter is well
if you're improving yourself then what
you are doing is competing with your
lesser self and then you might also ask
well what is that lesser self and that
lesser self would be resentful and
bitter and and aggressive and vengeance
seeking and all of those things that go
along with having a negative moral
character and those are things that
interfere with your ability to progress
as you move forward through life so it's
very necessary to understand that this
is why you know I've been stressing this
idea of personal responsibilities like
well personal responsibility is to
compete with yourself is to be slightly
better than yourself the next day and it
better in some way that you can actually
manage and that's humility it's right
like well I'm a flawed person and I've
got all my problems could I be as good
as person X it's like not great question
the right question is could you be
slightly better tomorrow than you're
currently flaw itself and the answer to
that is if you have enough humility to
set the bar properly low then you could
be better tomorrow than you are today
because what you also have to do is you
have to say well here's all my flaws and
my insufficient season the best that
someone that flawed and insufficient
could do to improve and actually do it
is this and that's not worth going out
in the street and celebrating with
plaque arts you know it's like well this
is why I tell people to clean the room
it's not going to brag to someone that
you did that but someone is insufficient
as you might be able to manage it and
that means you actually are on the path
to self-improvement and your
transcending your former self and you
might say well what's the right way of
being in the world if there is such a
thing and it's not acting according to a
set of rules it's attempting continually
to transcend the flawed thing that you
currently are and what's so interesting
about that is that the mean meaning in
the meaning in life is to be found in
that pursuit so I've been laying that
out in these discussions too because I
say well the the fundamental issue is
that life is tragic and difficult very
tragic and difficult for everyone and
it's also tainted by malevolence because
no matter how things are tragic and
difficult but there's always some stupid
thing that you could do or someone else
could do that could make it even worse
than it has to be and so that's life and
you need an antidote to that because
that can embed or you constantcontact
without just the tragedy but the tragedy
combined with betrayal and malevolence
that makes it even worse especially if
it's self induced okay so you need
something to set against that so you
don't get bitter and resentful
what do you set against that doing
something worthwhile by your own
definition say you need some reason to
get the hell out of bed on a terrible
day because you've got something good to
do well what's the best thing you can do
transcend your current wretched and
miserable self there's meaning to be
found in that and real respond that's
that's a meaning that's associated with
responsibility one of the things that
I've been trying to lay out clearly is
that life is hard it's tainted by
malevolence and betrayal that can make
you bitter you need a meaning to offset
that where's the meaning to be found not
in rights not an impulsive pleasure but
in responsibility you take
responsibility for yourself so you take
care of yourself if you're good at it
you can you have some excess left over
to take care of your damn family if
you're good at both of those then you
have some excess left over to take care
of your community those are heavy
burdens you pick up the burdens you find
that's meaningful the best way to pick
up the burden is to continually improve
yourself and that's where the meaning is
to be found
and so that meaning is in the continual
self transcendence that's letting your
old self die and the new self be reborn
you did you watch when we were Kings
Ellie yeah yeah god that's an amazing
amazing amazing movie right at the end
of it so
Ali defeats Frazier basically by letting
him defeat himself right because Frazier
is angry and he's got a chip on his
shoulder and he doesn't conduct the
fight properly so he exhausts himself
chasing le and le is basically just
trained himself to take the damn blows
right and to where Frazier out that's
his plan then right at the end of the
movie he knocks Frazier down and it's
pretty much the end of the fight but
Frazier sort of struggles to his feet
you know he's just getting up off the
mat and Ali's got his hand pulled back
to just nail him because he's completely
laid open and he puts his glove down and
turns away that's the end of the fight
and Frazier said and and this is true as
far as I know that that fight tamed him
like Frazier had a big chip on his
shoulder and it was a kind of a dreadful
guy up till that fight and afterwards he
was affable and he was he was civilized
le civilized him and so but that gesture
that hell he made was that great gesture
because he could have flattened him
right and he had every reason to man he
got he got he got taken apart a lead
took punches like mad in that fight and
then in the final analysis when he had
Frazier down and he was struggling to
his feet he just let him go man nobility
of character right there something
impressive to behold
so when why are you defining people like
when you're saying this why are you
saying your miserable wretched life
because there's a lot of people that
don't have miserable wretched lives that
also just want to improve like why does
it have to be the worst case scenario in
order because it has to work it has to
it has to work the theory has to work in
the worst case scenario okay that's why
using the worst case scenario isn't
because you think that that perhaps may
alienate someone who doesn't have the
worst case scenario no I don't know I
don't think so because well if you know
what depends on how much time you have
to outline the ideas but you know what
what I because even if things are going
really well for you now there's going to
be a time in the future where things are
rough you know you're gonna be ill
family members going to be ill a dream
is going to fall apart you're going to
be you're going to be uncertain about
your employment status like the the
flood is coming right the apocalypse is
coming it's always the case in life and
you have to be prepared for it and the
question is how to prepare for it and
the answer to that is to find a way of
being that works even under the diarist
of circumstances
that's the issue and so you outline and
I mean I am pessimistic about this in my
approach in some sense because when I'm
talking to my audience isn't the same
thing happens and happened in my book
maps of meaning and in 12 rules for life
I'm laying out the worst case scenario
and that sort of like hell it's things
are going really badly for you and that
there's just chance associated with that
sometimes and you and the people around
you are doing stupid things to make it
worse it's like okay what have you got
under those circumstances you've got the
possibility to slowly raise yourself out
of the mire you've got that the
possibility to do just what the fighter
does when he's defeated which is to say
well regardless of the circumstances
that might have led to my defeat like
even if there were errors on the part of
the referee this is no time to whine
about it this is a time to take stock of
what I did wrong so that I could improve
it into the future and that's the right
attitude you know in the Old Testament
one of the things that's really
interesting about the Old Testament
stories is in the Old Testament the Jews
keep getting walloped by God it's like
they struggle up and make an empire and
then they just get walloped and then
it's all crushed in there and they're
they're out of it for generations and
then they struggle back up and make an
empire and then they get demolished
again and it happens over and over and
over and the the attitude of the Old
Testament Hebrews is we must have made a
mistake it's never to shake their fist
at the sky and curse fate it's never
that the presupposition is if things
aren't working out it's my fault and
that's a hell of a presupposition and
you might say well of course you know
what's that that underestimates the
degree to which there's systemic
oppression etc etc and and and the
vagaries of fate it's like it doesn't
over underestimate it it's not the point
the point is your best strategic
position is how am i insufficient and
how can I rectify that that's what
you've got and the thing is you are
insufficient and you could rectify it
both of those are within your grasp if
you aim low enough one of the things why
do you see the that's another thing you
keep saying aim low enough have a low
enough bar why do you why do you mean
that well let's say you've got a kid and
you want the kid to improve you don't
set them a bar that's so high that it's
impossible for them to attain it
you take a look at the kid and you think
okay this kid's got this range of skill
here's a challenge we can throw at him
or her that exceeds their current level
of skill but gives them a reasonable
probability of success and so like I'm
saying it tongue-in-cheek to some degree
you know it's like but if you're but I'm
doing it as an aid to humility it's like
well I don't know how to start improving
my life someone might say that and I
would say well you're not aiming low
enough there's something you could do
that you are regarding is trivial that
that you could do that you would do that
would result in an actual improvement
but it's not a big enough improvement
for you so you won't lower yourself
enough to take the opportunity
incremental steps yes and so this is
also what is achieved through exercise
it's one of the most important well what
do you do when you go and lift weights
you don't go in like if you haven't
bench press before you don't put 400
pounds on the damn bar and drop the and
drop the bar through your skull I know
you think look when I started working
out when I was a kid I was I was weighed
about a hundred and thirty pounds and I
was six foot one so thin kid and I
smoked a lot I wasn't in good shape I
wasn't in good physical shape and I went
to the gym and it was bloody
embarrassing you know people would come
over and help me with the goddamn
weights here's how you're supposed to
use this you know was humiliating and
maybe I was pressing sixty five pounds
or something at that point you know but
what am I gonna do I'm gonna lift up 150
pounds and injure myself right off the
bat no I had to go in there and strip
down and put my skinny goddamn self in
front of the mirror and think
son-of-a-bitch there's all these
monsters in the gym who've been lifting
weights for ten years and I'm struggling
to get fifty pounds off the bar tough
luck for me but I could lift 50 pounds
and it wasn't fair very long until I
could lift 75 and well you know how it
goes but and I never injured myself when
I was late lifting and the reason for
that was I never pushed myself past
where I knew I could go and I pushed
myself a lot you know I gained 35 pounds
of muscle in about three years in
University I kind of had to quit because
I was eating so goddamn much I couldn't
stand it it's evening like six meals a
day it was just taking up too much time
but there's a humility in determining
what it is that the wretched creature
that you are can actually manage aim low
and I don't mean don't aim and I don't
mean don't aim up
you have to accept the fact that you can
set yourself a goal that you can attain
and there's not going to be much glory
in it to begin with because if you're
not in very good shape the goal that you
could a could attain tomorrow isn't very
glorious but it's a hell of a lot better
than nothing and it beats the hell out
of bitterness and it's way better than
blaming someone else it's way less
dangerous and you could do it and what's
cool about it there's a statement in the
New Testament it's called the Matthew
principle and economists use it to
describe how the economy in the world
works to those who have everything more
will be given from those who have
nothing everything will be taken it's
like what's very pessimistic in some
sense because it means that as you start
to fail you fail more and more rapidly
but it also means that as you start to
succeed you succeed more and more
rapidly and so you take an incremental
step and well now you can lift 55 pounds
instead of 52 point five pounds you
think well what the hell is that it's
like it's one step on a very long
journey and so it's it and it starts to
compound on you so a small step today
means puts you in a position to take a
slightly bigger step to the next day and
then that puts you in a position to take
a slightly bigger step the next day and
you do that for two or three years man
you're starting to stride you know what
I have so many people coming up to me
now this is one of the things that's so
insanely fun about this tour which is so
positive it's it brings me to tears
regularly it's mind-boggling because
people come up to me and this is
happening wherever I go now and they say
they're very polite when they come and
talk to me you know and they're always
apologetic for interrupting and so it's
never it's never narcissistic and it's
never annoying I'm really happy to see
people and they come up to me and they
say well I know you've heard this lots
of times before but I've really I've
really been putting my life together
since I've been watching your lectures
then they tell me a story about where
they were in some dark place too much
alcohol too much drugs not getting along
with her father not getting along with
her mother not having a vision for the
life being nihilistic playing too many
video games you know like being suicidal
that that happens a lot having
post-traumatic stress disorder sometimes
as a consequence of combat whatever
little slice of hell they were occupying
they say look I've been I've been
listening to your lectures and I've been
developing a vision for my life and I've
been trying to take respond
and I've been trying to tell the truth
and things are way better and so that's
absolutely perfect it's it's the right
way forward as far as I'm concerned and
those are people who they took stock of
themselves they said I'm in a dark place
and I'm a dark person and here's some
things that this dark person in this
dark place could do little things that
they could actually do I'll clean up my
damn room
I'll make my bed I've had I don't know
how many people have come and told me
it's so strange they said well I started
making my bed and that made all the
difference it's like well yeah you
decided a mop man and the first concrete
instantiation of that was that you made
your bed and you think well that's
nothing heroic it's like no but a man up
is heroic
that's something and then lowering
yourself to the point where you're not
above the mess in your room you know
you're not superordinate to that you
lower yourself so that you straighten up
you you're grateful for what you have
right in front of you and you take care
of it you put it in order it's like all
of a sudden things start to get better
and so wonderful to be doing this tour
because I see so that's what this tour
has been about for me it's not political
I never talked to people after the talks
for example I talked to about 150 people
tonight we never talked about anything
political it's always this I wasn't
doing very well I'm putting my life
together I'm getting along better with
my father I'm getting along better with
my wife I'm getting along better with my
kids I've got some meaning in my life
thanks a lot it's way better it's like
yes that's
that's the right thing it's very
beneficial for people and they need to
hear that and there's there's something
that comes along with that that's
critical and what that is is an honest
assessment of yourself an honesty that
that type of honesty honesty with
yourself it's very difficult for some
people and they don't have the tools for
and they haven't been explained how to
do this why you sure why you should yeah
one of the things that happens when you
go through school you're told what to do
you're never told how to think you never
you're also told that you're okay the
way you are that's self esteem yeah
you're okay the way you are it's like no
you're not and this is another thing
that will you are and you're not right
you're okay as a human look if you want
to be a black belt in jujitsu and you
just started your first class you're
okay as you are you're a human but in
the goal you're not okay
that's a greater goal right the
incremental improvement is important you
have to you have to honestly assess your
position and move forward yeah well
that's it
you're a position and it's trajectory
yes right and and when you say to
someone you're okay because of your
position that's not good enough because
you have to say well wait a second you
need a trajectory and maybe you're okay
if you're okay in your position and your
trajectory but you know the self-esteem
movements and all of that will accept
yourself the way you are it's like no
because you need a trajectory and one of
the things that that I think one of the
reasons that audiences are responding to
what I've been saying in my lectures and
what I've been writing about is that I
don't tell people that they're okay the
way they are now I say no no you could
be way more than you are and they're
relieved about that you see because if
you're in a dark and terrible place and
someone says you're okay the way you are
then you don't know what to do about
that it's like no I'm not I'm having it
are you having a terrible time and I'm
hopeless you're okay the way you are
well then what what that's it that's it
that's where I am and what do you want
to tell a young person you're 17 you're
okay the way you are it's like no you're
not you got 60 years to be better and
you could be way better
you could be incomparably better across
multiple dimensions and in pursuing that
better that's where you'll find the
meaning in your life and that will give
you the antidote to the suffering the
way I always describe it to people is
there are disciplines that you can
pursue and those disciplines are a
vehicle
developing a human potential and if you
get better at these things you can get
better at anything and if you figure out
what it takes to become better at
whatever sport it is or whatever art it
is or whatever you're pursuing the same
principles you can apply to the way you
treat people you can apply to the way
you educate yourself you can apply to
way you keep your body in shape all
those things are connected that's why
you have to import impose order people
have asked me in my book why I wrote it
as an antidote to chaos you know because
well there isn't anything technically
wrong with chaos chaos is a place of
great potential
well the question is what's the proper
what's the proper balance between chaos
and order
chaos potential and order well the
answer is look when you're a kid you're
all potential it's chaotic potential it
can manifest itself in any number of
ways and you maybe you don't want to
give that up so you're like Peter Pan
you want to be a kid forever because you
don't want to give up the potential and
you look out in the world and all you
see are Captain Hook's you know who've
lost a hand who were chased by death
because that's the clock in the
crocodile it's already got a taste of
him it's terrified by death and he's a
tyrant well I don't want to grow up to
be that so I won't be disciplined at all
well that's no good
because the way the potential transforms
itself into actuality is through
discipline and so then you as you said
this is the trick though you have to
pick a path of discipline whether what
path of discipline you have to pick is a
different issue there could be a rule
the rule could be the rule might not be
follow this rule the rule might be you
have to follow some rules so it's a
matter rule and the meta rule is you
have to discipline yourself and the
issue is well how that's not really the
relevant question you can pick a
disciplinary path that's why I often
tell my clients especially young people
they say well I don't know what to do
it's like that's okay
nobody does go do something do the best
thing that you can think of put the best
plan you have into practice it's not
going to be perfect and it will change
along the way but it will change partly
because you become disciplined pursuing
the path and as you become disciplined
you become wiser and as you become wiser
you become able to formulate better and
better plans so you can start vaguely
and confused and develop a plan that's
not so great and you start to implement
it and then you
you you accrue incremental wisdom as you
implement your flawed plant and that
enables you to fix the plant and so
that's part of that process of
incremental self improvement as well one
of the more difficult aspects of that is
personal honesty like being honest with
yourself being honest with yourself
about what you're doing self-assessment
it's very difficult for people they
don't they're never there never taught
it it's not something that's encouraged
no one it's dismal
maybe imagine you only got 100 you only
have $100,000 to go buy a house and so
you go buy it you go look at this house
and it's like Jesus this house man it's
like it needs a lot of work it's like
well that's all you've got
why are you gonna pretend that the house
is OK the way it is are you gonna look
for where it's rotten and where the
plumbing doesn't work and where the
stove doesn't work you have to go and
look and see where everything needs to
be fixed and that's like that is harsh
man but and then in order to do that
properly someone has to have taught you
it's look you aren't your problems well
you are you're most fundamentally that
which if it confronts its problems can
solve them and that's the hero myth in
in a nutshell by the way the hero is the
person who confronts horrible chaotic
potential and tames it and make
something of it right that's that that's
the fundamental human story but the
problem is is that you have to face what
you don't want to face in order to fix
it yeah and so you look at all the
things about yourself that need to be
burned off that need to be dispensed
with
and that man especially at the beginning
especially if you're screwed up that
maybe like 95% of you just has to go up
in flames and it's painful even some of
that stuff that you have to burn off
doesn't want to die and it'll scream in
agony while you're burning it off it's
not pleasant but if you know that you're
the thing that can transcend your
problems most fundamentally if you know
you're the thing that if it faces the
problems can transcend them then you
have the faith that would enable you to
take stock of who you are and you have
to do that in small steps because most
people don't have experience in
transcending their problems so they
really don't know what it even feels
like it seems like an alien concept it
seems like something other people can do
mm-hmm but if you do it incrementally
you could show yourself that you can do
it I mean it's one of the reasons why
they have belt systems and martial arts
you start off slow oh my god
I got a stripe on my white belt oh my
god I'm a blue belt you feel improvement
for some people it's the first real
improvement marked absolute improvement
in their life yeah right well then
that's an interesting thing too because
right there you've got a bit of a
measurement system we have this system
set up online called the future
authoring program and we've implemented
it because we've tested it three times
we implemented that Mohawk College in
Canada and we had people write about
their ideal future and also to put in
measurement strategies it's like okay
here's your ideal future here's how
you're gonna break it into goals here's
how you're going to mark progress
towards those goals because you've got
to be playing a fair game with yourself
right because when you make progress you
want to reward yourself so you have to
identify what the progress is and you
have to reward it the consequence we had
people write a future plan for only an
hour when they came for their school
orientation in the summer before going
to it's a it's a community college and
they dropped the dropout rate among
young men by 50% and as yeah no kidding
50% yeah and what that meant was to me
what that meant was just think about
that what that means is that these kids
being educated for 12 years and no one
had ever sat them down and said okay
what the hell are you doing and why and
how are you gonna get like where do you
want to go why do you want to get there
how are you gonna get there
how are you gonna mark your progress
they've never walked them through that
exercise you walk people through that
exercise just to get them to do that
increases the probability that they'll
stay on track by 50%
that's incredible well it's one of the
things I've always complained about is
that they know one people teach you
facts they don't teach you how to
approach life
they don't teach you how to think they
don't teach you how to confront why do
the insecurities and different traps
that your mind will set up for you
