are you broke and blue looking for
something to chew
well you better come through Krakouski's
got some food for you
hello my name is chefi Krakowski and
welcome back to chefi Krakowski's
kitchen
and thanks to the recent streaming
donations i am finally able to afford my
very own slav- i mean assistants
like this here chef Sagat
Chef Priscilli
and they're gonna help me make i don't
know what to make for dinner
dinner, so i know a lot of you broke at
mexican moms are tired of giving your
children just hot pockets and little
caesars all day
i mean don't get me wrong that shungs
good but
you want to spice things up you know you
want to show them hey i ain't the
laziest ni**a on the planet or the
brokest
so this is a nice recipe for y'all
broke ni**as so all you're going to need
is just some ground beef and then you're
going to ask your girlfriend
for half a head of lettuce and then
we're also going to have a secret
ingredient that is very     secret
Gosh DANG!
okay so yeah so i got my
scale here and then we're going to set
it to pounds you know not the stupid
kilogram shung that those british
bags of shung use
and then we're gonna get a knife and how
about you
cut around here you know estimate was
two
pounds of ground- okay
two pounds of ground beef let's hope
this is enough
and you just gotta go through that shung
like that, put some muscle in it i'm sorry i'm
very weak i got some french blood in me
okay so let's see how much this weighs
it's weighs almost two pounds it's like off by that but you know what that's
just don't matter because
ain't that technical shung like Gordian Ramsey
Ya f***ing donkey
I hate his guts but yeah, so we got this shung
and we're also gonna have to cut this lettuce into two
all right so after you got that you
goin' have to
go to the skillet so now that we're at
the skillet you want to turn that shung
up i don't really know the temperature
don't really matter just put that shung on medium
medium high, ...okay medium or high
if you gonna get you know a little tipsy
tonight
but we're just going to get that ground
beef first
get all that meat on there oh my goodness
oh my dang so yeah you gotta make sure
you get every little
bit or else your mom gay that's just how
it work
and then after you do that
you can throw that at one of your
assistants  that's just how it work
and then after that you just get your
spatula
and you just i don't know just
make it work okay that's how you do it
so this thing is kind of frosty because
it's been in the refrigerator for like
three years Sagat: FOUR
okay so you just gotta mess around with
it
until it melts and then becomes brown
not just like any light brown like that
you want to make sure
that it's cooked you know like have you
ever made a burger like the krabby patty
shung
that's what you gotta do with this gotta
make sure it's nice
good ahh beef that's not frosty the snowman
So I'm too impatient to
wait for this hecking ice cube to break
open
so i'm just gonna cut it and hopefully
this will make it cook faster ignore the
other things that are getting burnt
right now that's
that's not your concern i just want to
get this big thing out of the way
this is not really assistant come help
me ni**a!
go hold it yeah okay
cut that
cut it I'm trying
Turn off the fire!
Wait, hammar the knife in there
There, you gotta improvise, adapt, and overcome.
okay
okay there so now that we've separated
some of the shung
you can now cook it more evenly you know
just make it look nice and good not pink
like, ...I don't know the pig from minecraft?
but yeah it's going to take a while so
you know i'm cutting a lot because this shung taking forever TIMELAPSE
so while my sla- i mean assistant is working
back there
um with consent i'm going to decide you
know just cut some of this cabbage
So that it can fit in the pan
So you want to get that little bottom
shung off because i don't know what
that does i mean
probably don't taste good look brown so
you just want to go from the top
and then the shung should just fall apart
It's kinda easy if you just break them around
but that's kind of unprofessional
So what you gotta do is Sagat: that doesn't look very professional
you gotta um you gotta cut up
in many shapes and forms so that your
your eater will be very surprised with
uh the food they'll be like oh shoot
that's a different shape man that
must put a lot of thought into it you
don't want to put the same thing
everywhere okay
it's very nice to see different shapes
and
yeah that's what i say for you and then
you get this part
do the same you know however you want
kind of sideways even if you want you
gotta make it unexpected
you can you can break it up that's also
a good option
they'll see how like it's even
unpredictable for a knife to be able to
cut that
so people will be even more impressed
and then you'll get all the ladies you
then you'll get all the five star views on
your restaurant
works every time
Sagat: That's not true
i know where you live... okay so
with that out of the way i got some
more shung
you gotta just break it around just
I DID wash my hands just letting you know you BETTER
wash your hands or else you goin get
that COVID from this cabbage
and then i'm just kinda messing around
with it and
she be taking forever so i might as
well take forever too
yeah you know just takes a little bit of
uh intimidation to get them you know under control
it's tough love you know some people
just don't understand
so this shung right here like there's this
white shung
it's like white people you can't you
just can't really break it because
they're so
lame so you just gotta cut that
and then it'll finally be edible go down
to your scrotum
so now that you have all this
you're going to want to professionally
put it all here Oh don't worry
about that and then you get this part
make sure it's nice and fine put it on
to
the cutting board so we're going to
check over on the assistant
and that looks kind of good but you know it
look a little uncooked you know you can
still see a lot of pink on there like
everywhere you know i'm saying
Pricsilli: it done
oh okay well if she says so she says so
so we're gonna get our cabbage and gonna
be like BAP
THREEP whoa BRUH who cut
this lett- this cabbage
i forgot to cut that part okay
it's not even kind of when there's parts
like this
you just break it apart you know it's
easy fix cabbage is very nice and easy
to
cut through and that's that that's all
solved right there no
problems at all
this this is the white stuff i was
talking about you can't trust white
people because they'd be making this
hard shung
so this I'm too lazy too cut it so you just throw that shung out
this is so salvageable there are people
who aren't so gay
and yeah that's good so yeah while
you're
just doing this shung you just gotta make sure
that it's nice mixed and grilled you
know you don't want to go too overboard
don't burn that shung or else you'll burn
and die
or you'll kill your people who eat it so
after everything looks nice and moist
and greasy and
cooked a little bit we're going to move
on to the secret
ingredient sp stay tuned so while they're
doing that shung
i think it looks pretty good so i'm
going to send out both of my minions
to the good old store right now
we're doing this right now it don't
matter i'll work with it while you're
gone
i'm gonna send them off to get the
secret ingredient
and you better go right now okay or else I'm gonna take away your paycheck
this is the stuff that gets you fired bruh don't do it
so right now we're at the supermarket
we're getting the secret ingredient for
the video
secret no one knows about it no one
so there's no secret ingredient no one
knows about this
we need the oriental ramen it is secret
not known to the public let us
know in the comments if you see the
oriental ramen
you see it that'll be helpful
we don't see it
i think i found it is that it
i think i think that's it why don't you go check?
right there go ahead
Priscilli: No, Sagat: what's it say its not, oriental? Priscilli: Its soy sauce Sagat: same thing put it in
oh you're finally back bruh for like
three um...
millenniums five minutes
okay but yeah so do you have the secret
ingredient
like i told you to
give it to me!
there was a slight uhh issue they didn't have
the specific one you wanted they didn't have
oriental
no then what did you get
they got soy sauce you think this is
chinatown SHUNG?
wa pio- mmm no but i mean
being that rich so it'll have to do
you don't got the gas money to go to
another store so
let's see what you got
the heck is this?
Soy sauce?
Okay uh, anymore? Priscilli: no Chefi: cause we need 2
You need 2? yeah
oh you did get it okay
nice so you got to make sure this is
nice and broken okay it didn't work
so BAP you gotta make sure
that's good you know that's really mushy
so once you get this it's already broke
cause it's cheap shung
you gotta make sure you take the
seasoning out first then you gotta drop
that in there
just like the drip
We gotta get the other one right here
get that seasoning out don't matter then you
gotta get that out yeah
and this may look kind of terrible to
you but you know what that's why we're
gonna make it good
so first of all normally you could just
like mix it around a bit i mean it ain't
gonna do much
but what you really want to do is before
you do anything crazy
get that seasoning and just gotta do this
and gotta pour that onto there spread a
nice even thing
around there you can look the
And once you're done with that.
uh what you want to do is mix some more
in it so you want to mix a lot of the
sauce
with the broken noodles around
with the nice meat and lettuce and
they'll get the sauce just gotta be
flavored up into everything before we
move on to the next step
and once you're good you know mixing it all in
 look nice and good no wait you ain't
supposed to do that what you gotta do
is get some water can y'all give him
your bowl
i need water i mean this ain't africa so
you actually got some
oh shoot a quarter
you can get your own if you subscribe
today and get your very own quarter ya know, its pretty good cash oh shoot the water
so you want to make sure the water isn't too
much just
enough to like have a little level
of water like that just not enough to be
halfway
and then you get the lid
and after making sure it's
put that good there and you let it sear
and marinate
you know for a while and the water will
be gone because it will have soaked into all
the goodness and it'll just make
everything nice and
soy-y i guess not orientally but yes let's
say you do
so my assistant just noted me that i
forgot this sorry you know
mexicans forget things sometimes you
gotta put the noodles
inside the water give me my spatula what
the heck you stole it okay
you gotta submerge the noodles into
the water make sure they're all nice and
submerged-eded like a submarine
so that they can actually boil and go to
the nice noodly consistency that you really want
i know i got eyes on the back of my
chef hat
it's got some third world technology in
this thing
my mom said that the water would
actually disappear
did that looked good bruh
my next recipe coming up
man that was good
because if you hold it in your fish and
try to break it it that won't break
yo I make some good ahh food
chefi krakouski you know that i don't ski
because i like sasuke
you know someone that isn't.....
....eh...
so the pan may be looking like it's
getting hecka lit right now
but that's just the steam aka the smoke
with that
means the water be getting lit before
they die and they gotta die lit
so the water be dying getting eradicated
and that's it in the ghost forms dying
and you gotta wait until all of it's gone
so we lost the footage for this scene
but i'll just tell you what happened
basically a mexican broke into my house
and started putting a bunch of random
spices like garlic salt
and just bits of pepper you know and
chile and stuff like that
and thing just random things of his own
desire
and he just seasoned the heck out of the
food
this is kind of good as a message
because i know that you
you're probably a mexican mom and all of
you let's just be honest no mexican mom
cooks the same as another
you kind of gotta style it your own way
i just put the
key ingredients of the ground beef and
cabbage
but you got to put the seasoning you got
to figure out what's right for you you
got to find the amount of water
you got to make it good so yeah i
i also did put a little too much water
that was kind of a mistake
so yeah put less water than i did and
season it your own way
so i've got the place here i'll set it
up
and now we're going to treat yourself
you know that was a long time of hard
work
and consensual work without any slavery
involved
to make this nice good food
and next plate you ain't gonna serve
yourself
that looks beautiful this makes
me hungry look at that can you just get
a nice profile of that
the last meal you know
it's good to make a lot because you know
people are going to be snacking on this
all day
they make a lot of the whole family
because it's i don't know what to make
for dinner
dinner and ain't breakfast it ain't i don't know
what to make for dinner breakfast
all right this is the time to shine see
if it's good we're gonna eat it take a
nice good scoop
three two one eat
HOT
Dang that's that's hotter than my non-existent
ex-girlfriend
it's actually not that bad you thought
it was going to be bad did you really
doubt my chefing skills
seriously bruh gotta get the expensive
ones don't get these cheap ones
all right so after a successful dish
we're finally going to say
our goodbyes for now wait 
when are we getting our payment yeah you
promised us a quarter
you didn't subscribe did you get out of
here
dang I swearman okay
so now that we've taken things under control
after a successful dish
have a good ahh day
oh shoot what's that? a quarter man
looks like someone subscribed they must
have found this you can
do it today ya know, get your own HEY that's my quarter
no it's not bruh no it's not!
