

Dead Silence

By: Lauren Stogner

For my mom, Sharon

Chapter One: The Natural Human Pattern

When I woke up, I had no idea of the impending dread the day would bring me. Of course, there really is no way of knowing. No, the sun rose just like it does every day; its soft rays falling upon me from outside my window. The morning dew shimmered on the freshly cut grass.

A beautiful day indeed, but not for me. Such days were a luxury I did not possess. I can't remember the last time I went through a day without pain. The soft spring breeze, the birds chirping happily, none of those things existed in my world.

These are the things we often ignore, just expecting to happen. The natural human pattern. Yet, somewhere, this morning would bring tragedy. Someone's someone died somewhere. Yet everyone else in the world would go on about their day, without as much as a thought for those people. Is it simply because they didn't know the person, there for oblivious to what might befall them? Or is it just human nature to do so. The constant greed, and lust for more than what they have consume them every day, making their lives completely run by only what they want, instead of what someone else feels.

The lucky bastards, they don't know how good they've got it. To be able to go about their days, to think that nothing terrible would transpire. No, not today, they'd think. I, on the other hand, wish I could be so blissfully ignorant. I bare a curse. The foolishly unaware might call it a gift, but it is no such thing. I can sense the presence of sprits, long departed from the world of the living.

Some are pleasant, and maybe just a bit lonely; like the girl that sits in my home room class. Others are angry and violent. Some just don't want to leave, while others are wanting answers, but the worse are the plain evil ones. They all want my help, and to communicate with me. There was a time when I use to wonder if anyone else heard these belligerent beasts. My mum was the only one I'd told; save my friend Jack.

She was alarmed at first, but assured me, that I was special; that nothing was wrong with me. Then why; and this I wondered for great some time, did she tell me to keep it a secret?

If there is nothing wrong, then why hide? If someone wanted the truth then why lie?

As if that wasn't enough of a burden, I can also sense the aura of the living. A random person walking across the sidewalk, one that no one would pay mind to. I can feel everything he's feeling.

It's this reason I hate school. Not because of the other broods, actually if I was any other typical high schooler I wouldn't give a damn about them. Things become complicated though when you can feel every single one of them. If someone is sick, then I too feel the illness. Heart break, family drama, high school drama, you name it, I feel it. These emotions just flood into my brain.

I ran my tongue over my black metal snakebites. My limp body once again carried it's self to the bathroom. I looked at the reflection in the mirror. My bright silver sapphire eyes dulled, by heavy black eye liner. Raven black hair fell down over them in jagged lines. I grabbed the hair spray, teasing it up in the back, and then letting the razored ends fall over my shoulders and half way down my back and chest. I looked at my emaciated figure.

I never really have much an appetite anymore. I pulled on my black skinny jeans and tight band t-shirt before walking out. The floor boards creaked as I walked. We lived in the old part of London, this house being almost 150 years old. I live with my mother, my dad had died, and of course my cat, Rina and my dog Chico.

"Raphael, are you up yet?"

"Yes mum" I replied.

I despised that name. Everyone at school knew better then to address me as such. I was called Lilly. I don't know why, seeing how I'm a boy and all, but they started calling me that after I wore a shirt that bore a lily on it. The name just stuck I guess.

"Uh, Raphael you'll be late, to school"

"I'm going mum" I said grabbing my book bag and keys.

I hadn't taken the bus since I turned 16 a few months ago. The bus ride has always been a hay day for people's emotions to escape from there proper bodies, and invade mine.

The music came blaring on as I drove out into the street. The lead singer from one of my favorite alternative bands screamed the chorus. My mum loathed my music. She never seemed to grasp that sometimes it was the tone of the voice that made you feel things.

I drove through the over grown trees and decomposing gates that led to school. I parked my car and stopped the engine. A part of me didn't want to face the day, while the rest of me did want to see my friends. If I went, what would be different? Nothing. What would I face again? The same thing as always. I could never form any emotional attachments to anyone, because I could sense everything they felt.

Again, to everyone else this may have seemed like a gift. To feel and know exactly what the person you cared about was feeling, but trust me it's no where near that. There is always that pain of knowing that everything is not okay. I'd never met a person that I didn't feel. Sure there were some that were weaker then others. Such as people I never met, they might just be a thought in the back of my mind. And others, like my mum and friends, felt so real that I sometimes confused their feelings with my own, but something was always there. No matter how insignificant.

My legs, having been trained to ignore what my brain thought was best, walked me into the school. People are like little mice. They do the same thing over and over again everyday. Never once do they question why, but that's what humans are like. Mice. Simple minded following the pattern.

It was almost time for first bell; hence there were a lot of kids in the hall. Walking in the doo,r I felt a wave of emotion that hit me like a blow to the stomach, so many filled my mind.

Why doesn't he like me? Doesn't she know I like her? Two emotions from a boy and a girl came in strong.

A boy strolled up to me dressed in red skinny jeans and a black V-neck. His mink brown hair concealed his eyes and fell down to brush his shoulders. Bright red highlights peaked through the brown. Two silver balls sat on his upper lip, and a single matching ring was on the bottom. I knew him of course as Jack, my best friend.

His thin but toned body stopped in front of me, a grin across his reedy lips.

"What's up mate?" he said grabbing me around the neck.

We've been best friends since 2nd grade, and besides my mum, he is the only other person who knew about what I could do.

"So did you hear the news?"  
"You're kidding right?" I could already feel it from him, excitement over something else and curiosity.

"Well, there is a new kid coming from Germany, everyone is so exited, I hear he speaks English well" Jack spoke in his heavy British accent.

"Great Jack, that's just what I want, another mind to invade my own" I could already feel the sprit of the girl standing next to me.

"Give him a chance" she whispered. She always wanted me to be happy, and enjoy my life.

"Aw, man don't be like that"

"Sorry, but you know how I am..." the bell rang and everyone began dispersing and heading into their classes.

Jack and I ambled down the empting halls, our boots clinking against the cold linoleum until we reached our first period, gym. We stepped into the locker rooms and began changing into our outfits. Jack's shirt seemed to glide off his smooth stomach.

We finished getting dressed and headed out to the gym. That's when it hit me. I hated gym, there was a boy and he had some kind of condition. He was out a lot, but when he was here, I always felt it in the pit of my stomach, it manifested it's self as my own.  
"You ok, man?" Jack asked, looking concerned.

"I-I've got to go" I said running out of the gym and to the bathrooms.

"Lilly!" Jack called after me.

I stopped at a sink. Splashing my face with cool water I felt my heart race. I looked at my pale reflection in the mirror. Calm down, calm down. I reminded myself. My heart slowed down a bit. God, why me? Why not someone else? I took a deep breath before walking back out.

"Ow" I said colliding into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you the-" What!? I always knew when someone was there. I couldn't feel anything, nothing at all.

The man just stared at me. He was a good six inches taller and had long light auburn hair that hung over his shoulders, and down his back. His face was emotionless and his hazel eyes seemed vacant. His slim body was covered in a tight chained vest and his pants had chains on them too. Yet, nothing emitted from him. Almost as if he were dead, but had no spirit.

"I'm sorry, it was my fault" he said.

His voice sent a shiver down my spine. Something was wrong with him, very wrong. This wasn't right. My body didn't react though; instead it seemed to be frozen, as if being held there, by his eyes.

"My name is Jezebel; I'm the new student from Germany"  
"Oh- I'm Raphael, but everyone calls me-"  
"Lilly" the name rolled off his tongue like a rain drop off a leaf.

"Yeah, how did you know?"  
"Oh, I've heard a lot about you" he said turning his eyes towards mine.

"Are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost?"

The dead girl's spirit shivered beside me. "Get out of here, he's not safe he's-". She was cut off. Her aura changing to someone enduring pain, what the hell is this guy?

"I'm sorry, if I scared you, but I'm nothing to fear" he said. I felt my body become mine again. Suddenly his once threatening demeanor now seemed charming and inviting. I felt drawn by some force.

"Do-do you need help getting to class"  
"No I believe this is it, gym first period?"  
"Yeah, that's where I am"  
"Oh, well, we wouldn't want the teacher waiting" he said with a chuckle.

"Lilly are you-"' Jack called bursting out the door.

"Are you the new student?" he asked stopping dead in his tracks.

"Yes, I am" Jezebel replied. Jack scooted closer to me, grabbing my arm.

"Come on Lilly, this guy is weird, can't you feel it?" he whispered.

"No, I can't feel anything" Jack backed off. I could sense the terror in him rising.  
"Jack, please..."

"I'm sorry" he said masking his feelings some.

"So you're an empath?" Jezebel questioned.

"What?, how did you-"

"I can tell by the way you're acting. In Germany, I knew of one that lived near me, poor fella, he always seemed so distant"

"Yes, I am, an empath that is"

"Well what do you feel from me?"

"I don't know" I lied.

"Oh well, that's probably a good thing" he said turning away. He wore a long black coat that flowed as he walked. Jack looked over at me.

"What the hell was that about?"

"I don't know" I said.

I didn't see Jezebel for the rest of the day, and believe me; when I say that, I mean I didn't sense, see or feel. What was wrong with this guy? Why was he so different? I thought getting into my car.

A shriek erupted from the forest near the school; a crowd of people were conjugated around it. My stomach lurched. The feeling of terror, dread, and sadness nauseating me. I raced over to the mob.

There, in the center, lay the body of a boy. His abdomen had been eaten out, his entrails strewn about. The scene look like it was out of a slasher movie. The bright red liquid gushed out of his body, his torso laid open, revealing all of his organs. The flesh, or what was left of it, had been torn apart with excessive force, enough to break every rib. A panicked look was frozen on his face.

The spirit was gone, no sign of it, or even of a life that had once been, almost as if it had been scared off by something horrid. I felt woozy and sick. Police cars now lined the parking lot. What the hell was this? It looked like an animal attack.

I couldn't be over here anymore. I ran as fast as I could, trying not to cry. I headed to some bushes feeling ill.

"LILLY!" a voice called. A voice I knew, Jezebel. He was no longer wearing the ominous coat. He had to be cold. He seemed to look more normal now, not so shady and all. The coat must have given me that impression.

"Lilly, you need to get out of here, it's not safe for an empath to be around the deceased so soon after their death, the spirit can over power you if you're not strong enough" he said bending down to me.

"I-I" I said stuttering, feeling weak.  
"LILLY!" he screamed grabbing me as I began to fall.

"Snap out of it" he said grabbing my face.  
"I'm sorry" I said coming to.

Jezebel loosened his grip on me. The police were clearing out the crowd and making way to the body to throw a sheet over it.

"Second one like it, this week" one said shaking his head.  
"What the hell is doing this?" the other said.

"Let me carry you" Jezebel said, picking me up. He was stronger than he looked. His arms were warm, despite the lack of clothing he was wearing, and I felt compelled to close my drowsy eyes.

Chapter Two: The Stranger

Jezebel set me down by my car; the warmth of his body was fading from my clothes. His head was cocked to the side, as he brought his hand up to my face.

"Be careful" he whispered. That same feeling I endured this morning returned. I was unable to move, as if being controlled. Something in my gut told me to run, run fast away from here, away from him, but my legs didn't move. My heart told me to stay.

"Uh yeah, I will"

"See you tomorrow....Lilly"

"Yeah" I said feeling limp.

I got into my car as I watched Jezebel's slender body sway as he walked away. My breath felt tight, caught in my throat. I shifted my car into drive and sped out of the parking lot as fast as I could. My head was throbbing.

I've had these horrible migraines since I was five. They use to be only a few times a year at the most, but in past few years they have gotten worse. By the time I got home my head was splitting. I had to hold onto the car as I stumbled out. My feet wobbled when I tried to move forward. I felt dizzy, I'm goanna faint. Knowing better then to remain standing I slid down against my car to the pavement.

"MUM!"I called in agony.

"MUM, HELP ME PLEASE" She came running out.

"Oh baby what's wrong?"

"M-my head" I said grabbing the sides.

"Mum my meds please go get them"

"Ok, honey come on" she said helping me back up to my feet and walked me inside.

"Sit down on the couch" She said, helping me over.

Ever since they started getting real bad my doctor gave me medicines to help with the pain. My mum came running back into the room with the box. It was injectibale, I don't know about you, but if you've ever had a migraine then you know if you try to eat or drink anything you'll get sick. She got out the needle. I closed my eyes and stuck out my arm. She felt for the vain and stuck the needle in. I winced as I felt it go in and retract.  
"Try to drink something" she said handing me a glass of water.

"You know I can't"

"Hon you know that these thing can be brought on by dehydration, have you been eating, you look thinner?"  
"My stomach's been hurting"

"Ok"

"Mum, I feel sick, can you help me to the bathroom" the pain in my stomach nauseating me.

"Sure hun" She said helping me up.

I felt my heart beat pound in my head. She led me to my bathroom and set the glass of water down on the sink. I grabbed the sides of the toilet for support, feeling my head spin. She held my hair back and stroked my back as I got sick. God my head hurt so bad.

"Uhhhhhh" I moaned in misery.  
"Mummy, it hurts"

"I know baby" she said wiping the tears away from my checks.  
"Come on, I'll help you to your room"

I stood up holding on to her for balance. When I got to my room I laid down, feeling the meds kick in. They always made me sleepy. I turned off the lights and closed my eyes.

"Mummy am I going to die?" my small voice asked.  
"No sweetie, you're goanna be ok" my mum cried as tears streamed down her face.

"I'm scared"  
"I know baby" she said kissing my forehead. The ambulance crew loaded up my gurney. I watched in horror as my mother disappeared when the large metals doors shut. Two men dressed in the white uniforms, began to fuss over me.

One began to feel around my arm, then I felt a sharp prick as he inserted a needle. My vision was getting blurry and my eyes heavy. I fought to stay awake, but found it harder and harder to do so.

"Stay with us Raphael" one of them said, tapping the side of my face.

I woke up sweating. I have that dream almost every night. When I was five I got sick, really sick. I was supposed to die; I had to be shocked back to life two times. I had a caught a rare disease, one that I didn't think even existed anymore.

The bubonic plague. I know, I know, that was a long time ago. Yes, it was, but it's not totally gone, there are traces of it left. How I managed to come across it, no one ever figured out.

If one comes in contact with it, it can be fatal seeing how most doctors don't know how to treat it (or for that matter even think it might be the cause). My mum had to prepare for my burial. She prayed everyday for me to get better, but everyday the doctors would shake their heads and say that I only had days to live.

The disease took over my body; sending me close to total organ failure, I was as good as dead. I was on a ventilator and several other life devices, but one day my condition changed and I started to get better. I did get better. The doctors all said it was a miracle that I'd made it out alive.

That's when the migraines started, a side effect of the disease. That's also when the voices started and the empath abilities surfaced. My mum was frightened, but said that maybe it was because I'd died and came back to life that I had a special relationship with the dead.

I can't say that this would be better then death, I mean I deal with it everyday. There is nothing to look forward to, will I end up trapped or somewhere else. What determines this? Is my only destiny to end up as one of these poor lost souls?

I looked over to my bed side table, a missed call from Jack. That's right, I was supposed to hang out with him tonight. I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.

"Yo, Lilly glad you called, you going clubbing tonight?"

'Where?"

"Club 9, Damien has something for us"

"Yeah, I'll meet you there" I said before hanging up.

I got up and looked through my closet. I pulled out my club wear. Tight leather pant that were ripped all the way up, and a tight black vest that was torn with mesh covering it. I got my spiked collar and combat boots, and put on my black lipstick and headed out, but not before my mum noticed.

"Raphael where are you going?" she asked looking up from her book.  
"Out"  
"Please, don't you should stay home tonight"

"Mum I'm fine, I just wanna get away from everything and have fun"

"Ok, but be good, don't get in any trouble"

"Okay" I said grabbing my keys and hoping in my car.

Club 9 is in downtown London. It's nothing big, just a small dance club, mostly over run with teenagers. It only served one purpose; it was suppose to be an all age club, so the cops didn't really think twice about the amount of young people here. Of course around this part of town, they didn't really care.

Most people just used it as a place to engage in sex, underage drinking, and of course drugs. Yet, to Jack and I,it was like a second home. No one judged us here; no one gave two shits when it came to our looks.

I parked my car and locked it before spotting Jack standing by the side of the building. He waved me over to him, and started walking towards the back. When we got around back Jack popped the bottle he had brought, and took a sip before handing it to me.

"Go ahead, it's been a rough day" I tilted my head back and drank. I didn't want to remember anything. I didn't want to remember the gory images, and I didn't want to remember his face.

The bitter liquid burned my throat as it went down. I didn't care though, today was I needed to forget. I'd never actually seen a body before. Not even at a funeral. Sure, I'd dealt with my fair share of the dead, but never like this.

Those images were stuck in my head like gum in hair. The blood, the mangled limbs, what type of creature could do that?! This is London; there are no animals that have the power to rip apart a person like that.

Jack pulled out a bag with small white tablets in it. Looks like Damien had already been here. He handed me a few and I threw my head back, popping them in. I swallowed the pills and waited for the intoxicating effects to start. I didn't even care what they were.

"What were those pills I feel weird"  
"Damien said they're a special mix, you're supposed to get you really high"  
"mmmm yeah" I said arching my back.

"Oh god" I moaned.  
"Don't do that" Jack warned.

"Why not?"  
"Cause you look damn sexy right now, I might have to do something about that"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah" he said moving closer.

His emotions were strong, lust and desire. Jack and I never dated, but he was hot and I was high. Yeah, we would fool around sometimes just for the heck of it if we were drunk of high (or both).

His lips brushed against mine, and then he deepened the kiss, as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I moaned with pleasure as his hand drew up my side. He moved his head down to my neck, kissing it.  
"Oh god"  
"You're so fucking hot" Jack mumbled into my neck.

"Uhhhhhh" I screamed as he bit my collar bone.  
"Lilly?" a voice called. Jack let a deep growl out before sitting up.

"What do you want?"

"I want to know why you're taking advantage of him." Jezebel accused.

"Of course I do asshole, what the hell are you doing here?"  
"I was checking out the clubs and heard him scream"

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. What was he doing here? No I didn't want to see him.

"Jezebel-I"  
"Shh Lilly, you shouldn't be doing this you're going to hurt you're self"  
"I'm sorry I-"  
"You don't have to say anything Lilly" Jack said standing up.

"You think you know what's best for him, you don't even know him?"

"I know what's not good for him and that's poisoning him with drugs and vodka"

"Fuck you man" Jack said getting pissed.

"Lilly, you need to get home, it isn't safe out here" Jezebel softly said.

"Yeah, I guess I do" I said, feeling the overwhelming need to leave here.  
"Jack I got to go, I'll see you tomorrow"

"Where are you going?'

"Home, I'm not feeling very good again, anyway"

"Okay, be careful" he said eyeing Jezebel closely.

"I'll drive you home. I don't live far from here" Jezebel said once we were out of hearing range to Jack.

"Oh-ok" He helped me get into the car. The drugs were beginning to wear off, leaving me feeling fearful, in danger. Who the hell is this guy, how'd he know where I was? And now I'm in the car with him.

"What are you?"

"What?"

"What the hell are you?" I said crying.

"I don't know what you mean"

"Just take me home please" I said as we passed my turn.

"I'm sorry" he smiled.

"What?"

"I can't do that" Suddenly the car turn to flames and his eyes turned a blood red.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed.

"Lilly, hey Lilly wake up" Jack said shaking me.

"What? What happened?"

"You passed out man" he said. I looked around, I was still behind the club and it was just me and Jack. Thank god, it was all a dream, most likely from all the drugs. Wow that was weird.

## Chapter Three: Visions of Hell

##

The night was growing colder with each approaching hour, and as Jack and I were coming down we decided it would be better to sleep off the worst of the effects at home.

"See you tomorrow man" he said getting up, stumbling at first.

"Yeah" I replied.

I stood up and stumbled over to my car, before slipping inside and turning on the engine. I just sat there for a minute, replaying the night's events. Why had I had such a bizarre dream? Well, there was the drugs, that could have, and most likely did cause it, but then again, along with the empath stuff there were dreams.

Dreams about people's lives and deaths would come to me. As if letting me see what the people had seen. Even in my own dreams this thing followed me. There really was no escaping this was there? No.

I sighed and drove off. The winding roads that lead down to my house seemed unusually dark tonight, the trees almost alive, soft rain drops fell on my window, quickly becoming harder. Flashes of lighting penetrated the skies. I drove into my driveway. The lights were still on, no doubt my mother waiting for my arrival. I looked at the clock in my car. In blinking green it read 12:34, doom. Damn. I got out of the car and locked it, before hurrying in out of the rain.

Just like I thought, there she was in her bathrobe sipping coffee. Her eyes glared at me.  
"There you are" she said before running over to me.

"Do you know how worried I was, do you know what could have happened?"

"Chill mom I'm only thirty four minutes late"

"It only take a few seconds over to worry me, I'm your mother"

"Can you not yell?"

"What? You hung over? God why do you go out and purposely try and kill yourself, after all you have been through, maybe you wouldn't do stuff like this but apparently you do!"

"Mom, please"

"Don't mom please me, go to bed"

"Fine" I said wobbling towards my room.

My head was throbbing. Damn, I thought, stumbling into the bathroom. The florescent bulb purred as it came to life. I looked at my face in the mirror, blood shot eyes gazed back at me.  
"What are you looking at?" I asked myself.

The thunder boomed outside, as the approaching storm reared its ugly head. My chest rose up and down in the dreaded object in front of me. I could not take this anymore. I looked at my wrist, white scars lined them. I took a deep breath before screaming.

The air expelled from my lungs in the form of a tortured yell, as I threw the cabinet door open, pulling out my best friend. My pale and trembling fingers held the glistening sharp object. I brought it to my wrist, applying pressure.

"Raphael open this door, what are you doing?"  
"GO AWAY!" I shrieked as I sliced open the faint scares.

Thick red blood gushed out, leaving crimson rivers in its path. Starting the water I held my hemorrhage wrist under it and watched as the water became a pinkish red.

"Please do not do this" my mother begged. Too late. I felt the pain released in the form of the blood spilling out, and once it had ceased I turned off the water. My mum has picked the lock with her bobby pin and flung it open.  
"Why are you doing this?" She bellowed clutching my wrist.

"Baby, no. no. no. no, please stop this" She pleaded.

"Leave me alone" I said trying not to cry. Her fingers let go and she just sauntered away sobbing.

I went into my room, locking the door before lying down on my bed. I just want a normal life. But no, I had to have this gift, this aching, and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing. I could not help it, the tears flowed down.

Why is my life so messed up? Why can't I live like other kids do? I just want to be normal, to be able to go on everyday like nothing's wrong in the world, to think that everything is going to be okay.

That teenage invisibility that the other kids at my school think they possess, and to be so blessed. To have only one voice in my head and no one else can enter it but me. To be able to pass by someone whose been crying and feel nothing at all, because their feelings are bottled up inside them. These are the simple things no body thinks about, no one but me.

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I glanced at the caller ID. Jack.

From Jack: You ok? I fumbled with the keys and hit send.

From Lilly: Yeah  
From Jack: That is good, you going to school tomorrow???  
From Lilly: Yeah, I guess so...  
From Jack: Did ur mom find out?  
From Lilly: Oh yeah  
From Jack: uh oh  
From Lilly: Not really just yelled at me  
From Jack: Lucky my mom would kill me  
From Lilly: lol yeah she would  
From Jack: U sure you are ok :(  
From Lilly: Call me

I waited a few minutes before the phone buzzed again, this time with an incoming call from Jack. I pressed talk and put it to my ear.  
"You ok Lilly?"  
"I don't know, I guess I'm just tired you know" I said trying not to let my voice break.

"Come on Lilly I know you are lying"  
"Jack, please don't get mad"  
"About what?"  
"When I got home my mum, she just wouldn't stop yelling and she was making me feel so guilty that I just, I-"  
"You did it again huh?"  
"I'm sorry" I said breaking down crying.

Jack hated it when I cut, because he use to when he was thirteen. He'd almost died from the blood loss, before he finally got help. It pained him to see what happened to him was happening to his best friend. There was silence across the line.  
"Jack..."  
"I'm still here"  
"Are you mad?"  
"No, not mad, but I wish you would call me before you do this, so I could talk about it with you"  
"I'm so sorry, I'm a horrible friend"  
"No you are not, stop saying that" I could hear his emotions through the phone, they seemed to travel down the line and seep through to me, disappointment and sorrow.

"Lilly don't cry" he said.

"I-I just want to be normal Jack, I can not take this anymore!" I wept clasping the phone.

"Lilly, I know look, I got to go, but I will see you tomorrow right?"  
"Y-yeah" I said calming down a bit.  
"Okay bye and I love you Lilly, everything's going to be okay"

"Bye, I love you too" I said before hitting end. Jack was my life line; he had brought me back from the brink of suicide before. I couldn't stand the fact that I was hurting him.  
"Jack I'm so sorry" I whispered, before falling to sleep.

BEEP BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP

My hand slammed down on the off button. Ugh. Morning already? Damn. I got out of bed and got ready before once again driving off to school.

Jack was waiting at the entrance.  
"LILLY!" he yelled running up to me. He embraced me gently. The connection between us was solid, even in a simple hug I could feel it. Jack is probably the only reason that I even get up in the morning.

"You ok?"  
"Yeah" I responded hugging him back.

"Lilly was there something wrong?" a voice said behind me. I could sense Jack's aura change from a relaxed one to a protective and enraged one. His teeth were clenched together.

"Are you ok, you look tired?"  
"I'm fine Jezebel"  
"That's good" he said patting me on the shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" Jack said stepping forward.

"Jack, please don't do this" I begged.

"No, I want to know what this guys deal is with you" Jezebels face changed becoming cold and resentful. His eyes were set on Jack. Jack's body stiffened with terror, as he stepped back.

"Now, now Jack, haven't you heard of being nice?"  
"Of course I have"  
"Well, then I was just being nice, now run along I wish to talk with Lilly in private" Jack looked at me.

"Its fine Jack, I'll see you in class" Jack's eyes darted back to Jezebel before he took off.

"Ah, now that we are alone would you care to talk?"  
"Sure"  
"Well I knew the first day I saw you there was something about you Lilly"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, besides the obvious, there is something distinct about you, a charm"  
"Uh thanks" I said, trying to conceal my blush.

"You know I don't mean to be so unfriendly to Jack, maybe it's just jealously that you and him are so close, you know I really like you Lilly, you are breath taking"

"Uh" I stuttered feeling my heart race. Was he coming on to me? He led me around the school where no one could see us.

"Don't be afraid" he said holding my face in his hands.

He leaned down brushing his lips to mine. It was magical, my heart skipped a beat. Gradually, I came out of shock and started kissing him back. His hands gently slid down my sides holding onto my waist. Our lips moved together in pure bliss. When we parted I looked into his eyes.  
"Well then, what a nice way to start off my morning" he said with a casual smile. I found myself at a loss for words.

"Well, classes have almost started. I will see you around Lilly" he said as he strode away, his hand caressed my cheek. My legs felt like Jell-O and my heart was still pulsating. I managed to walk inside where Jack was standing by the staircase.

"What happened?" he questioned.

"H-he kissed me" I answered softly.

"He WHAT?!"  
"Yeah, Jack it was incredible" Jack looked furious.

"Why? Aren't you upset?"  
"No, I just can't believe that he would do that" I knew he was envious of him.

"Do you like him?" he asked bluntly.  
"I don't know" I said feeling myself blush.

"I think so" I added softly.  
"Yeah, that's what I thought"  
"Please don't be mad at me" I begged.

"I'm not mad, but he doesn't feel right, don't you see that?!"  
"That is just it. I don't feel anything from him, it's like a dream, I have no idea what he is thinking or feeling and it's the most amazing thing I have ever felt, it's like an escape for me, do you not see that?"  
"I do Lilly, and that's what scares me, don't you find that weird?"

"Well, yeah, but there are bound to be people I can't feel right, limits"  
"That doesn't mean you should go around kissing those limits"  
"Jack please let me have this"  
"Fine" he said before walking away.

"I don't think he likes me" Jezebel said from behind.

"How long were you standing there?"  
"Long enough to hear" my cheeks flush, for the billionth time today.

"So, do you like me?"  
"Yes" I said looking away.

He leaned down kissing me again; I could feel Jack watching me from the stairs before running away.  
"Be mine" he whispered.

"What?"  
"Be mine Lilly" he repeated.

"You mean like dating?"  
"If that's what you want, then yes"  
"I-I guess so"  
"Perfect, now let's get to class" he said, before smiling, and glancing in the direction Jack had fled to.

## Chapter Four: The Hurt Sets In

##

I'd hurt him, and I knew it. He may have said that nothing was wrong, but deep down I knew he felt different.

Jack I'm so sorry, but this may be my only chance to regain some normalcy in my messed up life. Please don't hate me, I mentally begged him.

I managed to get through gym. The entire time though, Jack stayed away from me, but never out of my sight. Was he doing this on purpose?

I looked up at Jezebel. His normally smooth and defined face seemed weary and sunken in. His skin was the color of a corpse, blue veins clearly visible through the almost translucent epidermis. Dark circles lined the bottom of his eyes, and his typical poised steps seemed sickly.

"Are you ok, Jezebel, you look a little pale and kinda tired" I said commenting on his appearance.

"Yeah, I guess I am, a little tired that is" he said with a slight chuckle.

.  
"Lilly does it bother you that Jack is upset with us"  
"Yeah"  
"Do you regret your decision?"

"NO! I mean I should be able to do what I want, he doesn't control me! He's being an asshole" Whoa where did that come from? It was almost as if those weren't my words, like someone was forcing them out my lips.

"Yeah, you're right" Jezebel said with a twisted smirk.

"I just had to ask, so many times people think they know what they want, Hell they'd do anything to get it, but once they finally do, they regret it, maybe it wasn't what they wanted after all" he said.

The bell sounded, signaling the end of gym, and everyone raced back into the locker rooms to get changed. I never really dressed out often, I didn't see the point. I didn't do anything anyways. Jezebel didn't dress out either, something about it being a disgrace to put us in such uniforms.

"Well, I'll be seeing you around Lilly" he said. He leaned down and brushed his soft lips against mine, the ecstasy shot through me again and I felt paralyzed.  
"Y-yeah see you" I managed to finally say.

"Lilly wait up" Someone called after me as I turned to leave.

"What?" I asked turning around to see Jack's golden green eyes set on me.

"Lilly I'm sorry for earlier I'm just worried about you that's all" he apologized in one breath.

"Don't be, I'm perfectly fine by myself!" I shouted.

"That's not what you said last night, when you called me crying, Lilly you are my best friend and I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you"

"I know, but I'm fine, really, I know when I'm in trouble and I can always count on you to be there and help me" Jack bit on his snakebites nervously before answering.

"Yeah you can"  
"I love you Jack" I said, fiddling with his hand.

I knew that he despised hearing those words come out my mouth so effortlessly. He always told me; don't say that unless you really mean it, if you throw it around then it means nothing.

"Don't s-"  
"I know, but I mean it. You're like my brother, my own personal guardian angel"

"Well then in that case I love you too angel" We let our pinkies pull apart as we started to our next class.

When I got to English the teacher was just sitting there with a question on the board.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE HERE ON THIS EARTH?

She always asked stuff like that. Trying to tap into our senses and make us realize who we are. I wrote down what I felt, she never reads them anyway.

"Okay, now you all are going to read yours aloud"

What? I can't. I don't like being the center of attention. I can feel their eyes judging me.

"Raphael we'll start with you" Shit.

"I really don't want to"

"Come on" I knew there was going to be no arguing with her. I stood up and began to read what I had written.

"I don't know why I'm here. Maybe I was a mistake or maybe I was a test. But personally, I believe that I was put here to be tortured day in and day out. I feel that everyday is someone's idea of a cruel game, how far can we push him till he breaks. I don't think I'm here to save anyone and I know that no one is here to save me. I'm not here to change anything or to invent the cure for cancer or to make a difference in the world. In the end all I'll be is another head stone with the words RIP sketched above my name. Other then that, there will be no sign that I even was here, nor a sign that I cared or that anyone gave a damn about me. I'm not going to be a doctor or a nurse, I'm not going to be a rescuer, I'm not going to be anyone's anybody. That's why I can't answer the question because I don't have a purpose; I'm just a body walking around"

I sat down and hid behind my hair. The class was completely silent, to the naked ear. I heard all of them though, all their emotions.

Ms. Maxi had a stunned look on her face.  
"Well, Raphael I think that you are a wonderful person and I think that none of that is true. I think each and everyone of you will become something great and change the world in your own special way. Sure it may not be the cure for cancer or AIDS, but somewhere along the line you will do or say something to someone that changes their lives for the better"

The sleeves of my shirt were wet from the tears that I'd held back during the reading. I had to bite my lip to keep from sobbing. All these emotions in the room right now were killing me. I had to get out. I couldn't be here anymore. I got up and bolted out the door.  
"Raphael!" Ms. Maxi called running after me.

"Raphael, please wait"  
"NO!"  
"Why not?"  
"Why should I, huh? I don't care, I really don't. No one in there likes me they all think I'm a freak. I just wanna be left alone."  
"I can't just let you wonder around the school, so you can go sit down in the councilors office if you want to wait till you calm down"  
"Ok"  
"It's gonna be ok, sweetie, alright" she said patting me on the shoulder.

As I paced down the silent hallways I started to feel numb. My heart started racing. Fear, extreme fear, someone was running for their life, and they were close. Yes, death was coming closer, as screams filled my head. I felt like I was going to faint, then the darkness came.

"Raphael, Raphael honey, wake up" When I opened my eyes I was in the nurse's office. There were ten teachers surrounding me. Jack was holding my hand tightly.  
"W-what happened?"  
"You passed out, Jack found you"  
"M-my head hurts"  
"You probably hit it when you fainted"

There was a loud shout and a commotion filled the room outside the nurse's office.

"CALL THE POLICE! CALL THE POLICE! THERE HAS BEEN ANOTHER ATTACK" a teacher yelled as he burst into the office.

A few of the school secretaries screeched as the man covered in gore walked in. Blood dripped from the motionless figure in his arms. They were all fussing over it, but with the crowd of teachers around me, I couldn't make out what it was.

"OH MY GOD!" One of them screamed, crossing her chest.

"I was going to get something from my car when I heard a scream from the woods" the blood soaked man said. As the teachers cleared out of the room to attend to the petrified man, what he was holding came into view.

In his trembling arms he held a lifeless body. Their stomach had been ripped apart, like the one from earlier. His guts were exposed and some of the teachers looked away trying not to get sick.

"Mr. Wilson there is nothing you can do, he's dead"  
"Call the police then, they need to do something about this!" he shouted.

"Lilly, let's get out of here, now" Jack said.

I got up and escaped with Jack In the panic no one noticed me leaving. They were now placing the body on a gurney the ambulance crew had brought in. All the students were coming out of their class rooms. The teachers were desperate, trying to get them back inside.

"What the fuck is happening?" I asked Jack in a panic.

"I don't know, but whatever it is, they need to catch it or kill it" The police were swarming the building now. A frenzy of men in uniforms swamped the still blood covered teacher.

"We want all the students sent to the multipurpose room, there is going to be a speech about safety while we go out looking for this thing. Animal control is here in case whatever this thing is isn't human" one of the policemen voiced to his partner.

"All students report to the multipurpose room please" One of the teachers announced over the loud speaker.

The class room doors all swung open, and the halls filled with noise and running foot steps. Jack and I got there before anyone else, so we were able to catch a seat way up top. Once the room filled with all the students a police officer came up to the podium.

"Ah, hem. Ladies and gentlemen, as you may already know there is something out there in those woods. What it is, we're still trying to determine. We just wanted to warn you all about not going out near the woods and never to go out alone, there will be a search of the woods today with animal control"

"God this thing really has gotten out of hand" Jack said. I could tell he sensed this place was killing me.

The amount of anxiety and fear in this room was more then I'd ever felt before.  
"Lilly, you ok?"  
"I-I've got to get out of here"  
"Lilly wait" he called going after me.

I've got to get away from this. I closed my eyes running away from there. I wasn't watching were I was going and ran into someone. I opened my eyes to see Jezebel.

"Lilly, you should be more careful, haven't you heard, there's something dangerous out there" he said in his cool voice.

He didn't look so drained anymore. His skin had returned to its soft peach hue, and the lines under his eyes had disappeared.  
"You look a lot better"  
"Yeah, I slept a little in the last class" he said smiling.

"LILLY!" Jack called running towards me, before stopping to glare at Jezebel.

"They're releasing us early so they can start the search"

## Chapter Five: Lustful Friendships

##

"Lilly do you wanna hang out at my house?" Jack asked, as we walked out of the school.

"Uh, yeah sure, we can take my car"  
"Alright, let's get out of this shit hole" Jack said getting into the passenger seat of my car.

"So are you worried about this whole thing, do you think it's some type of animal?"  
"I don't think it's an animal" I answered in monotone.

"What do you think it is?" What did I think it was? I think it was some sick bastard.

"I think it's a person"  
"But their stomachs were eaten out, so what is it like a cannibal or something?"  
"I dunno, maybe"  
"Whatever Lilly" he said laughing, obviously not taking me seriously.

Of course that's usually what people do when they're fearful. They laugh; if you laugh about something it no longer holds power over you. To turn something into a joke makes it not real anymore. Little do they know, that only pacifies the mind, because if the fear is valid, they're still in grave danger, and now their guard is down.

Jack's house was even older then mine. I liked it though; it was a pleasant house none the less.

"Hey, my parents aren't home. You wanna tap the liquor cabinet?"  
"Yeah" I said smiling.

Jack unlocked the door and went over to the bar in the kitchen. He got out two shot glasses and a bottle of his dad's Vodka. He poured the two and walked over to where I was seated on the couch.

"Here, ready? One, two, three" on three we both tilted our heads back and downed them slamming the glasses on the table. I was first by a second.  
"Rematch"  
"Beat you once, eh, I can beat you again"  
"One, two, three" SLAM. I won again.

"Come on Jack, you gotta do better then this" I taunted him.

"Alright last time, one two three" SLAM. He'd won this round, which means time for the victory dance.  
"Oh yeah, go Jack, it's your birthday!" he chanted pumping his fist in the air.  
"Hey I got two out of three"

As a result of our little contest Jack and I were both plastered now. He plopped down on the couch next to me.  
"So what are you going to do now?" He asked.

"I don't know"  
"Wanna go up to my room?"  
"Yeah" We both helped the other up and ran up the stairs, or at least tried to. We were so drunk that we ended up stumbling quite a few times.

"Careful Lilly don't fall"  
"I won't" Once we'd finally made it up the small staircase we collapsed on his bed. I could barely think through my intoxication.

"You're so beautiful" Jack said caressing the side of my face with the back of his hand.

I looked up at him; his eyes were even more intoxicating then the liquor. His lips brushed against mine. I'm not supposed to be doing this, I had a boyfriend, but I was drunk and he was hot. Jack climbed on top of me and undid my belt buckle. I reached up and grabbed onto his hair pulling him closer to me.

"God, you're so hot" I mumbled into his skin.

"So are you" he said in-between kisses, his hands sliding up my shirt. I gasped at the feel of his cool fingers on my hot skin.

"L-Lilly you should be with me, not him"  
"What?" I said ending the kiss.

"Well, I mean you can't possibly not see that I want to be with you right?"  
"I don't know"  
"Well I mean haven't you seen the signs?!"  
"Jack don't make this complicated"  
"I'm not, but I'm also not going to pretend that I'm fine with you two dating, he's not right"  
"Jack, you don't understand" I insisted feeling the tears roll down my cheeks.

Why did everything have to be so difficult? Couldn't I have one thing that didn't bring me some form of agony or hurt? Jack stretched out his arms hugging them around me.

"I'm sorry Lilly" he said as I sobbed into his shoulder. I couldn't count how many times I've done this. It had to hurt him seeing me like this. Yet even if he did, he'd just mask his emotions and hold me until my painful cries ceased.  
"Shh, it's ok Lilly" his voice was soothing to my ringing ears.

"My friend Greg told me that Ms. Maxi is giving us another project?"  
"What about?" I was grateful that Jack changed the subject.

"Research a creature. He saw the list, I got demons"  
"Demons?"  
"You know the ones who make deals with humans and torture them"  
"Oh"  
"Yeah, anyway, I've got to get to work it's a big part of our grade, maybe we can study tomorrow when you get your topic"

"Yeah, I better get home, before my mum starts worrying about me"  
"Bye, Lilly" he said enfolding me in hug. His arms around me felt almost like wings, wings of my own personal angel.

I got in my car and drove down the road to my house. I parked my car in the drive way and grabbed my bag, throwing it over my shoulder, before walking inside.  
"There you are Raphael!"  
"You're school called, why didn't you tell me about these attacks?!"  
"I didn't think it was anything to worry about"  
"Raphael are you kidding me!? People are DYING!"  
"I know that!"

"Baby don't be this way" she pleaded with me.

"Mum, I'm going to bed" I said, pushing past her, the tears pulling at the corners of my eyes.

When I got to school the next day, there must have been ten police cars out front. Protocol, one of them talked about, something having to do with making sure that no one got hurt or went out alone. Glaring at one of the heavy set policemen was Jezebel, his slender body rested against the rough brick of our school.  
"Hey, what's wrong?"

"These assholes won't let me go get something from my car"  
"Why not?"  
"Cause it's to near the woods"  
"Oh"  
"This is a bunch of bullshit, why are they so worried about these kids, you know the way they act, some of them are better off dead if you ask me" No matter how disturbing or cold his words may have seemed, he was right.

They were despicable and ruthless beings that went back on promises and stabbed the people they loved in the back.

"Come on we have to get to gym" I said, breaking the tension.

"Sure" he answered before putting his arm around me and walking inside.

Everyone was quiet as we entered the gym. Their emotions flew into my brain. Fear, confusing, anger, sadness, hurt, and a mix of other emotions that came with the deaths of classmates.

"Students, today we are going to show a video on safety instead of doing anything physical today" I didn't really care either way. I wasn't going to listen to some bullshit about being safe.

As far as it concerned me there was only one rule, run. I felt Jezebel's piercing eyes on me.

"Hey, the teachers never watch us when there is a video on, wanna go behind the bleachers over there, it's nice and dark" I said, wanting to get away from the mass of people.

"Sure" There were wooden bleachers in our gym for the parents and students during a basketball or volleyball game. Jezebel and I slipped away unnoticed. We climbed through the maze of iron bars that held up the wooden bleachers until we came to the middle.

I sat down, leaning my back against the wall. Jezebel took a seat down next to me, sighing as he did so.  
"Have you heard about the new project in English?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I got Vampires, you?"  
"I don't know yet, Jack got demons" Jezebel's face changed.

"Let's not talk about him" he said in a cold monotone voice.  
"O-okay I'm sorry"

"That's ok, how could he stay upset with you, you're so beautiful" he said running his long pale fingers through my hair.

"Please, I can't believe you even like me, I mean you're gorgeous"  
"Well thank you" he said before leaning in and brushing his lips to mine.

His strong hands held my face, forming a perfect frame around it. Our lips moved together, he was such a good kisser. The kiss deeped as he slid his tongue into my mouth. He snaked an arm around my waist pulling me into him then the bell rang, causing us to break apart.

"I've got to get to class"  
"Yeah, me too. See you later Lilly" he said before getting up and walking off.

When I got to Ms. Maxi's class there was a letter on my desk, as well as everyone else's.

I opened it up, and pulled out a slip of paper, on it in cursive letters were the words 'your topic is guardian angels'. Guardian angels? I guess that's good, maybe they'd tie in with Jack's so we can share some of the books and study together, other wise I'll never get this thing done.

Some of the other kids sat down and opened their letters. The girl sitting next to me got werewolves, someone else got ghosts.

"Hello class, I see you all got your letters, well this is the first day of October so I figured why not start off with something from the paranormal realm"

"Some of the topics are as follow: vampires, werewolves, zombies, demons, angels, trolls, ghost, banshees, soul eaters, and many others" The class groaned at the part following it.

"This is a big grade for this quarter so do your best" I rolled my eyes. At least we didn't have to write some ten page report on a guy that's been dead for 300 years. People aren't interesting when they're alive, and defiantly not when they're dead, just a bit more annoying.

I managed to get through the rest of the school without much drama. I still hadn't seen Jack, I hope he's okay. I mean, I don't want to have to do this project by myself. Of course that wasn't the main reason I was concerned about him. I went over to my car; there were tons of "safety guards" out.

They watched me with emotionless eyes as I got in. Like zombies, they didn't seem to feel much or care. Just did their job, what they were suppose to do.

Once I got in and was declared 'safe and accounted for' which basically meant 'if you die now, it's your own fault and not ours so you can't sue' I called Jack. After a few rings he picked up.  
"Hello?"  
"JACK, are you ok you weren't in school today" I said in one breath.

"I'm sick"  
"Oh, are you ok?"  
"Yeah, I guess, I mean besides the fact that I'm sick"  
"Alright, oh. I got my topic today, guardian angels"  
"That's great we can work *cough* together"  
"Yeah"  
"You know some of the stuff I found is kinda scary, demons eating people's guts out, ha-ha you might wanna stop looking into this possible animal shit and start looking at this demon stuff. Nah, it's all fake" he said. The way he said the last part though sent shivers down my spine, almost as if he wasn't sure of his own words.

"Yeah, that's true, well I'll see you when you're feeling better"  
"Yeah, man, bye" I hit end call and put it away. I'd only lifted my head back up before something collided with my window, causing a loud slam.

"Shit" I shrieked, before seeing who it was. Jezebel stood there, leaning over my car. I rolled down the window.  
"Damn, you scared this shit outa me"

"I'm sorry. Hey, my car broke down. The old piece of shit's ticker finally ran out I guess, but they won't let me walk home. So mind if I hitch a ride?" his sickly sweet voice spoke.

"Sure, hop in" I said unlocking the side door. He got in and laid his head back.  
"So, crazy shit huh?"  
"Yeah, I guess"  
"So what did you get?"  
"Oh, guardian angels."  
"That's cool I guess, I'm not into angels, in fact I can't stand them"  
"Why not?"  
"I don't know, I mean they're just too pure, what fun is that?"  
"I guess"

"You know my parents aren't home. Why don't we head on over to my house and pick up where we left off" a lustful tone in his voice made my heart jump.  
"I don't know"

"Ah, come on. I promise I won't do anything you don't want to."  
"But, I mean,"  
"Come on Lilly, please?" he begged.

"O-okay"  
"Yes!" he said smiling.

Chapter Five: Limits

I drove to the address he told me. It was an enormous house, in the wealthy neighborhood. The homes (or rather mansions) were so far apart that you could barely see the others.  
"When are your parents getting back?"

"In a week or two, they run a business and have to travel sometimes"  
"You don't mind?"  
"No, I get free run of the house"  
"Oh"

He pulled out an old skeleton key, slipping it into the key hole. The lock clicked, and he pushed open the grand door. His living room had a modern feel to it, a simple yet chic black and white layout.

I took a seat on a small white leather love seat.

"Didn't the Gallaways' use to live here?" The Gallaways were the elderly couple that use to live here, and were friends of my mum. Mrs. Gallaways was even in my mother's knitting club.

"Yeah, They moved, kind of sudden, apparently Mr. Gallaways wasn't doing so wel,l so they decided to move in with their son up in New York"  
"Oh, that's too bad"  
"Yeah, I guess"

The house was stunning, the den lead into a massive kitchen with a full bar and drinking room. You could see the large pool from the kitchen; it was attached to it and encaged with sparkling glass.

The garden was bigger then most ball parks. Mrs. Gallaways had always loved gardening. I got the grand tour as he called it. The movie theater was even equipped with a full snack bar. His room was enormous; it was the master, I think. The bathroom had a Jacuzzi and walk in shower. The bed was perfectly made, silvery silk sheets covered it, and the whole bed was sheltered by a sheer lace canapé.  
"This is beautiful"

"Yeah, there are five guest rooms, all fairly large. My mum and dad share the one on the end there, but since they are rarely here they gave me the master"  
"That's cool"  
"So what do you wanna do?"  
"I don't know"  
"Go for a swim" he offered.

"I don't have a bathing suit"  
"You can barrow one of mine" he said nonchalantly.  
"Uh, sure"

The cool water was a shock when I jumped in. It was October, but the pool was indoor and some what heated.

Jezebel jumped in after me. The water drops slid down his skin like tiny crystals. His hair shimmered with the water, and I caught myself staring in awe with my mouth open.

"You like?" he said gesturing towards his chest.

"I-I" I stuttered in response.  
"Don't be shy around me"  
"Lilly you really are beautiful, you know that?" he said gliding towards me.

The water around me seemed to get heavy and my body moved, almost as if there was a force pulling me toward him; to lay my fingers on that chest and feel the warmth of his smooth skin.

He out stretched his arm towards me, and without thinking about what I was doing, I offered mine in return. His strong fingers lightly took hold of my thin shaking ones. In one smooth motion I was in his arms, tilted back, looking up at his angelic face.

Our lips met. He bit at my lip wanting more. My body felt so deprived, I only wanted one thing.  
"Jezebel, wait" I said breaking off the kiss.

"Why? No one is here, and I want you to belong to me" Belong to him? That was a strange way of saying it.  
"Don't you trust me?"

"I-I do, it's just" I heard the words Jack had spoken earlier, about limits.

This wasn't about Jack though; this was about me and what I wanted. Maybe, this wasn't what I wanted. Then again, it might just be my virgin nerves, responding to his touch. I was about as innocent as they came, never having been touched in that sexual way.

I'd never felt an urge to connect that way with another person; it just spelled too much heartache for me. Sex was supposed to be about emotions, and I of course held no desire to feel anymore.

"Come on Lilly, I promise I won't hurt you" his words seemed so reassuring, his body language so confident. How could anyone be so sure of an outcome?

"But what about, you know?..."  
"You're not a girl, you won't get pregnant" he said with a slight chuckle.

"I guess not" I said, biting my lip.

I really didn't want to bring up the whole 'well you might have an STD shit', which would make things really awkward.

"Just do what comes naturally" he said before his arms were around my waist again and he locked his lips together with mine.

His lips brushed against the sensitive skin of my neck before he broke the contact, lifting me up out of the water so my legs were wrapped around his hips. His smooth tongue glided across my stomach making me moan. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled down my bathing suit. Next came his and before I knew it we were both there naked.

A dull ache began to build in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't something I'd ever felt before. This was something new, something that made me want to act upon it.

"Don't be scared" he said before taking my hands in his and bracing me up against the side of the pool. Once again his hands roamed over my shaking body in the water. He seemed so calm, as he kept his breath even and controlled.

"Lilly, I love you" he whispered to me as he slipped a finger into me, making me moan. He turned me around; I closed my eyes not knowing what was to come next.

The next one made me whimper a bit. My hands pressed against the rough concrete of the pool side.

Abruptly, a sharp pain shot through my rear. I couldn't scream, but instead just gasp.  
"Ahhhhh" I managed to get out with the next thrust.

Fuck this hurts so bad. I hope this wasn't his idea of gentle. I felt my eyes water and felt light headed. Then he hit it.

The perfect spot, sending mixed signals of pain and pleasure through me. I tried to hold back, but it was no use. He put those big strong hands around me and was now moving them up and down.

My whole body felt warm, from the core to the outside. My heart was racing and the ache in my stomach was becoming stronger. I couldn't hold back any longer before coming. I felt something warm inside me before he pulled out.

The ecstasy had faded, but the dull aching didn't.

"Oh you're bleeding" he said.

"Yeah, that really hurt"  
"I'm sorry" Outside the glass walls it was already night, no doubt my mum would be wondering where I was.

"Shit, I've got to go" I said before stepping out of the pool. FUCK! It hurt; I had to walk like I had a limp, but some how managed to get dressed.

"I love you, Lilly" he said helping me to the door. This was nothing like it's portrayed in movies and books. I'm supposed to be snuggled up against his beautiful chest. As we both fall to sleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

I got into the car and drove home. When I arrived in my drive way it was already way past my curfew, and sure enough once I got inside my mum was waiting in that same chair.  
"Where have you been?!" she cried out.

"My friend's house"  
"You should've called"  
"I know" My ass was killing me, I walked towards the kitchen to get an ice pack, but my mum followed me.

"Raphael, why do you have blood stain on the back of your pants?" Oh shit, of all days I choose today to wear my white skinny jeans. God damn it! This is more then embarrassing, it's mortifying.

"Raphael, what were you doing?"  
"Ummm"  
"Raphael what were you doing?" she asked again with a bit more authority.

"Mum it's nothing, stop asking! I just fell"  
"Do you really expect me to believe that?"  
"Mum!"  
"Honey be honest with me, did you have sex with some guy?"  
"MUM!" I protested, my cheeks heating up.

"Go throw those in the wash and we are going to have a talk"  
"Mummmm" I whined.

"Raphael, NOW!"  
"Fine" I walked into my room and laid down on my bed.

Shit. My eyes closed and thoughts of the previews hours danced in front of me. This is so not what I'd imagined my first time to be like. I shouldn't have been so stupid to have believed all the bullshit feeling crap.

"Raphael?" My mum said handing me some pills.

"What is this?"  
"Pain killers"  
"Oh" I said taking the pills from her out stretched hand and swallowing them.

"Now, you know I love you, but I need know what happened"  
"Wehadsex" I said in a mumble.

I must have blushed ten shades of red. My mum took a deep breath, she'd never had a problem with me being gay, but I still think she was dreading having this talk.

"Y-you mean you lost your virginity? And did you use protection?"  
"Ummm, yeah and no" I said trailing off.

"Are you stupid or just reckless?!" she yelled.

"Mum, leave me alone okay? It's my life, so butt out!"  
"RAPHAEL!" she scolded me.

"Look mum please, I don't want to do this, I don't feel good, and I just want to go to sleep"  
"Well, go take a shower first" she said before leaving.

I walked into the bathroom and started the water. It ran through the pipes before coming out of the rusted shower head. I undressed, throwing my soiled clothes into the hamper.

I felt horrible. How could I do that with some one I had just met but a few days ago? I sat down and leaned against the textured shower stall, before breaking down and crying. It wasn't what I wanted; I just wanted him to be happy. I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around my waist.

I need someone to talk to. Anxiety pulsed through me as I grabbed my cell phone from the table and dialed Jack's number. I knew he wouldn't hate me, but I was still worried about what he might think. What if he thinks I'm a slut?!  
"Hello?"  
"Jack?" I said crying, unable to keep my cool.

"What's wrong, Lilly are you hurt?" came the panicked voice at the other end.

"Jack I-I don't know how to say this"  
"Say what?"  
"Jack I.. never mind"  
"Lilly please, what is it?"  
"Nothing okay" I said before hanging up. I regretted doing this. This was my fucking best friend! I should be able to confide in him about anything.

I can't take this anymore. I feel like the world hates me. My mom is disappointed with me, Jack will think I'm disgusting when I tell him what I did, and Jezebel is probably going to leave me. I just want to die.

"So do it" a scratchy voice said. It was the kind of voice that almost didn't sound human, the ones that send shivers down your spine. I looked around; no one was in the room. Was this another spirit? It didn't feel like the ones I was used to.  
.  
"No one loves you; you're going to hell why don't you just FUCKING DIE?" It said again. No, it felt like it was in my head.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed, covering my ears.

"Kill yourself, do it Raphael, do it, end it all and come join us in hell where you belong!" My lips parted, a horrific scream escaping them.

"Raphael, honey. Are you okay?" My mum called.

"DO IT DO IT FUCKER!"  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
"BABY PLEASE!" My mum pleaded, running over to my side.

Suddenly I felt like I was engulfed in flames. Hotter then anything I could ever imagine. Like my very breath was being sucked from my lungs, as I gasped for air. My stomach lurched forward and I felt extremely ill. I ran out of my room pushing past my mum, before running into the bathroom and puking.

"Baby?" When I final opened my eyes I couldn't believe what I saw. Black liquid, it looked like oil. Pure black, no other word for it. I covered my mouth in disbelief and stumbled back.

"Look what I can do to you Lilly" the voice said with a demonic laugh.

"Shut up, you're dead you can't do anything to me"  
"Are you sure about that? I can control more then you think"  
"NO! You can't you're just a spirit you can't control me"  
"Stupid boy you know nothing of what I am" the voice boomed before abruptly disappearing.

The air rushed back into my lungs. I took a deep breath before rinsing my mouth out multiple times.

"Baby, are you ok?" my mum asked, peaking her head through the cracked door.

"I'm fine mum, I just didn't feel good" I said trying to erase all traces of the weird black liquid.

"Ok, get some rest" she said before walking away.

With shaking legs and still in shock, I managed to drag myself back to my room and to my bed. I laid down looking up at the ceiling, as the tears poured down my face. What the fuck is happening to me? Please, can't I just be normal?!

I must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I knew the morning rays were shining through my window. The sick feeling had left and the events from last night seemed like only a bad dream, the only reminder of the bizarre night was the soreness in my ass.

I got dressed. I didn't feel like wearing anything tight. I did my hair and make-up before putting on a lose sweat pants and a sweat shirt.

I walked out the door and to my car. The brisk October air nipped at my exposed skin, so wearing these clothes was a good idea. When I got to school, police cars were still there. Jack was up at the entrance, no doubt waiting on me. Sluggishly, I brought myself up to the entrance with my head down.  
"Lilly?" Jack said calling me.

"Lilly, hey man you ok?"  
"Leave me alone" I knew he could tell I was walking strange. I feel like everyone could.

"Lilly come on"  
"Jack, I really don't want to talk about it"  
"Come on, you can tell me"  
"I was at Jezebel's last night..." Jack's emotions flowed into my brain.

"Oh" he said catching on.

"Yeah, it hurts so bad, I didn't want to and I wish I didn't I-" I started sobbing before I could even finish my sentence. Jack put his arms around me and I buried my head into his shoulder.

"It's okay, baby" he said stroking my hair.

"Lilly?" Jezebel's voice called my name. I felt Jack's grip tighten as he went into protection mode.

"Jack, I'll take it from here" he said before ripping me out of Jack's arms. As we walked away Jack turned around and started to speak. Yeah, my lucks not that good, knew he'd have something to say.

"You were the one who hurt him in the first place, how dare you! How dare you take advantage of him!?"

"Jack, leave" he said in an unfriendly voice. Jack ran off with a disgusted look on his face.  
"Are you ok?" Jezebel asked.

"I guess" I said calming down a little bit.

"That's good, I'm sorry if I hurt you" he said.  
"No, really it's ok" I lied.

I made an excuse that I had hurt myself (not really a lie) and was able to sit out in gym. From the way I was walking I felt that everyone knew what I had done. I managed to make it to Ms. Maxi's class and took my seat.

"We are going to the library today to work on our projects" she said before leading the class into the hall. Great, more walking.

"Come with me Lilly" Jack said pulling me over to the books on his topic.

"Here" he said handing me a book on demons and angels. I opened it to the demon page and started to hand it to Jack, but something caught my eye.

Demons can be identified by a few certain characteristics.  
1. A black bile  
2. Eating the souls of the living by eating the stomachs of there victims.  
3. Will revert back to their demon form if not fed.  
4. Can control those around them  
5. Certain ones can make deals with humans in return for their soul.

"Jack look at this" I said handing him the book.

"No" he said looking at me.  
"But Jack!"  
"Demons are not real Lilly"  
"But the"  
"It's not a demon, it's just some sicko!"  
"I know" I said quietly.

"Just look up your topic okay?"  
"Okay" I said flipping to the angels. The index had a list of the types of angels.

1. Fallen Angels p.101  
2. Dark Angels p.120  
3. Heaven's Angels p160  
4. Messenger Angels p180  
5. Guardian Angels p200

Guardian angels that's what I needed. I flipped to the page.

Characteristics of Guardian Angels.  
1. Protective over their human  
2. Can be human and alive  
3. Watch over their human  
4. Can sense when their human is in danger  
5. In some cases can fall for their human  
6. Will sacrifice their lives for their human.  
7. Don't always know that they are guardian angels.

## Chapter Seven: Decoding Your Mind

##

The same basic guide lines littered almost all the books on demons and angels, with little difference. Jack managed to find some more on demons, seeing how there was so much. Most of it was just folk lore and myth, but it is hard to decipher the facts from the lies.

Now, I don't believe in this shit, but something about it sounded weird. What if there really was some demon walking around among us, killing innocent people? The thought disgusted me. I felt my heart race as the thoughts poisoned my head.

"Lilly are you ok, you look a little pale?" Jack asked.

"Um, I just feel kind of weird"  
"Okay do you need to get some fresh air?"  
"No I'll be fine" he put his arm around me, holding me close.  
.  
"Yeah you're just a little freaked out that's all, you know none of this is real right?"  
"Yeah of course, I must still be feeling bad from last night" The pain was getting pretty bad.

"Yeah, it hurts a lot doesn't it" And he would know, seeing as how he's a virgin and all.

"Yeah" I said laying my head down on the table.

"Are you sure you're ok?" the voice from the pervious night whispered in my head.

"Leave me alone" I begged under my breath.  
"Huh?" Jack asked.

"No one can help you Lilly"  
"Shut up!"  
"Lilly are you ok?" It was getting harder to breath; I started coughing from the lack of air in my lungs. No, this can't be happening, not here.

"Jack...." I said grabbing onto his shirt.  
"Hey Lilly man, you ok?"  
"I-I don't know I can't breathe"  
"Okay just calm down"  
"You worthless piece of shit" the voice returned with vengeance.

"God, leave me alone" I begged.  
"Lilly who are you talking to?"  
"I-I don't know there's been a spirit harassing me since last night"  
"He can't hurt you"  
"Jack"  
"Shh, I'm right here"  
"Jack, I don't feel good"  
"Okay, do you want to go sit in the bathroom?"  
"I can't walk" I moaned.

"Do you want me to carry you?"  
"No, I-I'm fine" I didn't feel the presence anymore. Jack's warm arms seemed to always calm me down, and seemed to ward off whatever the hell it was in my head for the moment.

"It's okay Lilly" he said holding me tight. I straightened up and let out a deep breath.  
"You ok now?"  
"Yeah, I think so"  
"Your eye liner is running a little" he said licking his finger before rubbing my cheek.

"Oh, thanks" I said pulling out my mirror and fixing it.

I looked at my phone. It was almost time to go to our next class. I didn't want Jack to leave me. I wanted to have him here with me forever. So he could hold me in his arms.

"Lilly everything is going to be okay" he said holding my face in his hands.

I looked into his eyes. They were beautiful, but I could see the pain in them, the same pain I felt emitting from his heart. His pale lips were parted and I could feel his hot moist breath on mine, our lips were only inches apart. No, this wasn't right I was with Jezebel. This wouldn't be fair to him.

"Lilly" he said before closing the gap between us.

His lips touched mine. This time nether of us were drunk or high. I could feel the want behind his kiss and the love. It was different from when I kissed Jezebel. It was softer, gentler, and hotter.

"Lilly!" a familiar voice yelled my name. The librarians looked up as well, giving the shush sign. Jezebel. Oh shit. Jack growled, keeping his arms snug around me. Jezebel ran over to us, clutching my arm.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"  
"Jezebel I-I'm sorry I"  
"Shut up slut" at hearing this, Jack stood up.

"Jezebel leave now, before you force me to kill you"  
"Ha! You kill me, if anything I should be killing you right now, for getting anywhere near what's mine"  
"Yours? You don't own him" he spat back.

"If you value your life you'll stay away from him, got it?" he said before yanking my arm making me follow him, he towed me into the bathroom, turning to face me.

"Jezebel, I'm sorry I". His stone hard hand hit my jaw, making me collapse to the ground. I tasted blood.

"I don't like hurting you honey, so don't make me" I was still gasping from the pain that was in my jaw.

"Come on, get up, I didn't hit you that hard" he said holding out his hand. I grabbed it and he brought me into an embrace.

"Sorry I lost my temper baby, I love you" he whispered into my ear.

I didn't feel like he meant it though. I cried into his shoulder, the sad part is I still loved him back. Even if he didn't mean it, I wanted him to. It's in this way that I'm like every other ignorant teenager. I'd always run back to my abuser withr the false hope that something would be different.

"I love you too" I choked out between sobs.

The bell rang and kids poured into the halls. Jezebel leaned down kissing me. The bleeding had stopped and I could still move my jaw so it wasn't broken. Just hurt like hell. It was probably bruised, and I couldn't let Jack or my mom see it. That would just push them over the edge.

"Jezebel, please don't hurt Jack"  
"If you don't want me to then I won't"  
"Okay" I said before letting him walk off.

I looked in the mirror at myself and cleaned the blood from my lip. I winced as I applied pressure. Ow. I've got to get to class before some one comes looking for me. I pulled the hood of my sweat shirt up over my head and walked down the emptying hall ways to my next class, which had to be math of course.

I got in right before the final bell rang. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I went and sat in the back and put my head down on my desk.

"Alright class please pull out your homework from last night" Shit. I didn't do it. She walked around with her clip board of doom checking each of the students with an x or check.

"Lilly, sit up and where is your homework?"  
"I didn't do it"  
"Why not, do you think this class is a joke?"  
"I wasn't feeling well last night"  
"That doesn't mean you can't do your homework"  
"I know"  
"Go stand out in the hall" she said in a stern voice.

I got up and walked out the door, her high heels clicking behind me. She closed the door and turned to face me. I pulled my sleeve over my hands and wiped my eyes.  
"Lilly, this is the third week in a row that you haven't had your homework"  
"I'm sorry" I said sniffing.

"Are you feeling okay?"  
"No"  
"Do you want to call home?"  
"No I'll be fine"  
"Okay, well I need you to give your mother this letter, you're failing my class"  
"Crap" I said grabbing school addressed letter.

"If there is something going on I need to know so that I can help you with your work"  
"No, there's nothing"  
"Okay, well go sit down inside and please pay attention"  
"Ok" I said walking in and sitting back down.

I don't really care if I'm failing, just my mum. She started talking again about some shit having to do with calculus. I wasn't feeling good again; the place where Jezebel hit me was hurting really bad.

She didn't call on me but every few minutes would look over in my direction. Finally the bell rang and I got up and left. I want Jack. I want his arms around me. It was lunch time so hopefully Jezebel didn't go back on his promise and I would see Jack again.

I walked into the lunch room and sat down at our usual table. I felt like I was gonna cry again. I covered my eyes willing myself to keep it together. I felt a hand on my back, jerking up I was hoping to see Jack's smiling face. Instead Jezebel was standing there, with a less then comforting look on his face.

"You alright?"  
"Where's Jack?"  
"Over there" he said pointing to a table across the room. Jack was sitting there with some other guys.  
"Oh, I guess he's still mad at me"

"Yeah, maybe" Jezebel said sitting down.

I rested my head on Jezebel's shoulder and he put one of his arms around me. I started crying into his shoulder, it wasn't the same as when Jack held me.

With Jack, I knew he wanted to hold me, to be close to me. Yet with Jezebel it seems more like a chore for him.

"Lilly sit up, everyone is staring"  
"I don't care, I just want to die"  
"Lilly, you're not listening again"  
"Jezebel"  
"Ahhhhh" I moaned, grabbing my stomach in pain.

"Ha-ha now what are you going to do? You're little friend isn't here to save you now"  
"Nope you're all mine" the voice said in my head again.

"Go away" I whispered under my breath.

"What are you talking about Lilly?"  
"You wouldn't want everyone to think you're crazy would you?"  
"Shut up"  
"Stupid boy don't you understand that you are my puppet, I control everything about you"  
"No, you don't"  
"Oh but I do I-" the voice suddenly cut off and the feeling dissipated. I opened my eyes to see Jack standing there, eyes on Jezebel.

"Jack!" I yelled. Before I could run into his arms Jezebel's hands were around me. He pulled my chin up to his face kissing me.

"Jezebel"  
"Jack" he spat back.

"What are you doing can't you see Lilly needs someone?"  
"Well, how am I supposed to fix something, if I don't know what it is"  
"That's because maybe you're the one causing it"  
"What do you mean I've said nothing to him" Jezebel said.

"That's not what I meant, how dare you play with an empath like this, don't you know that can cause them pain"  
"Ha, what do you know"  
"I know a lot about him, more than you do"  
"I highly doubt that"  
"run, run Lilly!" the spirit of the little girl echoed in my head.

"STOP!" I yelled at both of them.

"Stop it ok, you're my boyfriend and you are my best friend so stop fighting"  
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to hurt you" Jezebel said holding me closer.

I buried my head into his chest. His arms wrapped around me, I put my arms around him as well, searching for even the slightest hint of sympathy. Jack fumed inside.

"Lilly, call me" he said before walking away.

"Shh, Lilly its ok" Jezebel whispered in my ear.

His lips met mine as he silenced my cries. Kids started to get up and throw away their trash. Jezebel stood up and held my hand as we walked out of the lunch room.

School had ended and I walked out to my car. Waiting there by it was Jack. A cigarette was placed in-between his thin lips.  
"Jack?"  
"Lilly, come on get in the car"  
"What are you doing?"  
"You are going to stay over at my house tonight, don't try to argue with me"  
"Oh, okay" he handed me the cig and I took a drag off it.

"Can you drive Jack, my head hurts?"  
"Sure" he said taking my keys and getting in the driver's seat.

"Why are you doing this?"  
"Because I'm worried about you and I want to make sure that he can't get to you"  
"He loves me"  
"NO, he doesn't Lilly, that's where you're wrong, you want him to love you, but he doesn't. He's just using you. God, why don't you see that, he's not right, for god's sake he hit you!"  
"I made him mad"  
"Lilly do you hear yourself? You did nothing wrong, he did okay"  
"Jack, do you hate me?" I asked as we arrived in his drive way.

"I. Could. Never. Hate. You." he said before pulling me into his arms and kissing me with such passion that I thought I was dreaming. I let myself go limp in his arms, knowing he'd hold me up.

"I love you, Jack" the words flowed from my lips with such ease.

This time he didn't protest what I said, he smiled.

"I love you too" Those words filled my brain, they were true. This I knew.

What I was doing was wrong, I was with Jezebel. Yet it wasn't until now that I realized I didn't want my first time to be with Jezebel. I wanted it to be with Jack. Maybe then my life wouldn't be so fucked up. I couldn't hold back the tears as they streamed down my face.

"What's wrong Lilly?" Jack asked, brushing my hair aside.

"I didn't want my first time to be with him, I wanted it to be with you"  
"Oh Lilly, you don't know how happy that makes me"

"Please hate me Jack, I've hurt you so much"  
"Oh baby, don't say that"  
"But I-"  
"Shh" he said bringing his finger to my lips.

"Now come on inside. My parents will be home later tonight"  
"I should probably call my mum too"  
"Yeah, you can use the phone when we get in"

I walked into Jack's house feeling safer the deeper in I got. I picked up the phone and dialed my number. After a few rings my mum picked up the phone.

"Hello?"  
"Hey mum, it's me. Hey, since its Friday can I stay over at Jack's house tonight?"  
"Well honey are you sure, you weren't feeling good last night"  
"Yeah I'm fine now, besides we are going to work on our projects anyway"  
"Alright, I love you honey"  
"I love you to mum" I said before hanging up. Even my mum liked Jack. She seemed to sense the sincerity in Jack's words, his good character, and his importance in my life.

Jack came over and put his hand on my shoulder.  
"Lilly why don't we start on our projects"  
"Okay" I said smiling and following him into his room.

Jack went over to his desk and pulled a few books before sitting down on the floor with me.

"I was looking in them last night and you know that I was thinking about what you said, and it is a little weird how some of the things we read match up with some of this shit that's been going on"

"Jack, I need to tell you something" It was all starting to click now. The reason this voice had so much power over me, and the reason that I couldn't recognize it. I just hope that I'm wrong.

"Sure, what?"  
"This new voice, I think it's a demon"  
"What?"  
"I know, I know they're not real, but I've never experienced something like this before and I mean it's torturing me so much and it makes me feel sick and it, it just"  
"Lilly demons are not real okay, this is probably just some angry ghost that's playing with you that's all"  
"Jack please, I need someone to believe me"  
"I don't think that's the person you need to be worrying about"  
"What do you mean"

"Someone who's dead can't hurt you, but Jezebel can, if anyone's a demon it's him"  
"Jezebel's not a demon, he's just different"  
"Lilly you can't honestly ignore all the signs, but then again this is all fake anyways"  
"I know you don't like him, but I do and I want you to try to get along"

"I know, but he hurt you Lilly. I can't let him do that"  
"I know that you want to protect me, but I'll be fine"  
"Lilly I'm sorry. I mean, I'll be nicer but I still think he's bad news, and I can't help but be jealous of him"  
"I know" I said picking up the book and flipping through the demons.

Some of them looked like humans, but most just looked like things from a horror movie, but then again they were just drawings. The more I read the book the fainter I felt. My head was aching and I felt ill.

"What you think that I won't follow you, you can't escape me, I'm everywhere I'm everything around you I control your life" I shook my head and tried to get the voice out. Maybe if I ignored it, it'd go away.

"Come on, where are you going to do, try and hide I'll find you, try and run I'll catch you"  
"Lilly you ok?" Jack said scooting towards me.

"I'm goanna be sick" I said covering my mouth before dashing to the bathroom. The faint feeling was increasing. I got into the bathroom and sat down on the cold floor, trying to even my breath out.

"Lilly remember what I said. I'll find you, I'll catch you, I'll own you"  
"Do you feel me Lilly?" It felt like I was kicked in the gut and my stomach lurched.

I leaned over the toilet getting violently ill. I hadn't even eaten today; but the same black liquid as last night dripped from my lips. A cool hand was pressed against my back under my sweat shirt. The other held my raven black hair back. He wiped my forehead with a cool wash cloth and cleaned the sides of my mouth.  
"Lilly, I believe you" he said. I could feel the terror in him.

"It's going to be okay Lilly, this thing will pass"  
"I think it's scared of you"  
"Me?"  
"Yeah whenever you're holding me it goes away"  
"Then I'll just have to keep holding you" he said pulling me into his lap.

My stomach was still a little uneasy from getting sick, but it was starting to calm down a bit.  
"You're burning up, why don't you take off your sweat shirt"

## Chapter Eight: My Angel

##

Jack sat down next to me and played with my hair. He loved to do that; he'd brush it and tease it. My hair had gotten longer since last year, so he had more to play with. It now completely covered my left eye and came down past my shoulder blades. I liked my hair long, it let me hide from other people.  
"Lilly your hair is so pretty and soft" he said holding my razored ends.

"Thanks, I cut it myself"  
"Maybe I should have you do mine some time" he said chuckling.

I sighed and leaned back looking up at Jack. His emerald eyes, which had tiny specs of gold in them, looked back at mine. They were so different then Jezebel's, so much warmer. I could stare in his eyes all day long. Jack's lips curled up into a slight smile.  
"What?"  
"Nothing, you feeling better"  
"Yeah"  
"That's good" he said leaning down and kissing my forehead. The corners of my mouth dropped.

"What's the matter?"  
"It's Jezebel, I mean it's not fair what I'm doing to him, I'm so confused. I want to be with him, but I feel like I'm cheating"  
"He hurts you" Jack said, trying to justify my actions.

"I know, but I really just want to make him happy, I-I wasn't ready to have sex, I really shouldn't have done it, but I mean..."  
"Lilly it's okay" he said hugging me in tight.

"Jack I feel like a whore"  
"Shh, don't say that, you're not" Jack pulled me up into his lap.

Those green eyes stared back at me. Before I could stop myself I was locking lips with him. This wasn't right, this was cheating, but I wanted to make Jack happy.  
"Lilly, if he hurts you so much then break up with him"  
"No, that's not fair to him Jack. I'm a horrible person"

"God, no you're not Lilly. If you were a bad person then you wouldn't care what he felt. You're a good person Lilly, you are!"  
"Why does this have to be so hard?"  
"I know baby" he said holding me tight against his chest.

"Come on you're tired let's go take a nap"  
"Okay"

It was dark outside and the dim street lights cast a faint shadow of a man standing alone in the street across from the house. I squinted to see. The strong figure was covered in a dark liquid, which could only be blood. Piercing red eyes glowed back at me. The face I couldn't make out, but the long black trench coat and pale skin I could. No, I'm just tired.

I'm seeing stuff, just go to sleep. Jack had already taken off his shirt and put on lose pajama pants.

"What are you looking at?"  
"Oh, nothing" I said closing the curtains. It's okay I'm safe here I repeated to myself. No one can get me.

"You sure?" The voice said again.  
"You can't hurt me" I whispered back.

A low chuckle was the only response before it faded away again. Jack's concerned eyes were on me.

"Come on, it's late" I took off my shirt revealing my emaciated looking chest.  
"Lilly!"  
"What?"  
"Have you been eating?"  
"I know it looks bad, but I just don't feel hungry anymore"

"You look like you haven't eaten in weeks"  
"I can't, every time I try I just feel sick"  
"Alright, but tomorrow morning you're eating"  
"I'll try" Jack came over and laid down next to me on the small bed. His arms wrapped around me and brought me tighter to him.

"Goodnight, I love you Lilly"  
"I love you too" I whispered before falling asleep.

"Mum, I feel weird"  
"Raphael! Please baby wake up"  
"Doctor, something's wrong!" she called out the door.

The monitors started beeping rapidly. Three doctors' rushed in and began running about the room.  
"Code blue, all doctors to pediatric ICU, Code blue pediatric ICU" the intercom blared throughout the empty corridors.

I watched the doctor's race to the bed side.  
"BP's dropping he's going into cardiac arrest get the crash cart"  
"He's flat lining, get the paddles!"  
"Charging"  
"Clear" the metal paddles jolted my body.

"Charging"  
"Clear" again my frail body lurched as the shock went through my form. My black hair felt over my pale skin.

"Doctor his lips are turning blue" The head doctor was standing at the door.  
"Time of death"  
"Clear" the body jolted again.

"Doctor, Time of death"  
"Clear"  
"BP's rising check the vitals"  
"Returning, he's back"  
"How long?" the man standing at the door said almost emotionless.  
"Five minutes"  
"Brain damage?"  
"Most likely" My mother came running in to my side.

"Baby, baby are you ok?"  
"Mummy?" my weak voice managed to say.  
"Oh thank god"  
"Mummy am I going to get better?"  
"Of course baby"

"Lilly, Lilly wake up"  
"Huh?"  
"Lilly, are you ok?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You shaking"  
"Oh, I just had a weird dream, I'm fine"  
"Okay" Jack's arms returned to my side.

I'd never had that dream before. I didn't even know what had happened the night I'd died. Only what my mum told me, which wasn't much. Only that I had to be shocked back to life. As for brain damage, I guess that's when the empath abilities formed, because after that my condition improved.

The doctors were all amazed and had no answers other than my body had fought back in those final stages and won. Not many people survive the plague, but all the meds and antibiotics in me must have finally killed it.

The next morning I awoke to the bright sun shining in my eyes. Jack was at his computer looking up something.  
"Oh yeah, you're up"  
"Yeah"  
"Alright, well I'm going to go take a shower then" Jack said standing up and pushing in his chair before heading out.

I went over to the computer and clicked the back button on the search engine. A page popped up on it was the words DEMONS AND DEALS. As I scrolled down the page I look over the small words.

"Some demons can make deals with human in trade for their soul, such cases include being able to give money, love, power, fame, and in some cases life. It is rarely heard of, but sometimes a demon will make a deal with a person in order to save a loved one and in return give the person x number of years to live and then come to collect the soul"

How could anyone do that? Make a deal that would send them to hell? That's horrible. I'd rather die then be condemned to hell. I closed the browser not wanting to read anymore and got dressed. I knocked on the bathroom door and Jack opened it. Steam waft through the open door and dissipated around his feet.  
"Yeah"  
"Are you done?"  
"Yeah"  
"Do mind if I take a shower?"  
"No, go ahead" he said walking out and handing me a towel.

He closed the door and I started the shower. I got in and washed my hair and body. The warm water ran over me, washing away that groggy morning feeling.

I got out and dried my hair before tying it back into a pony tail. I could fix it later when I got home. I washed my mouth out before getting dressed and heading into the kitchen where Jack was sitting.  
"Here" he said handing me an apple.

"Eat it, it'll help" I brought the fruit to my mouth before taking a bite. A horrible taste filled my mouth making me gag. I looked down at it. The normal white part of the apple was rotten and mushy. I ran over to the sink spitting it out trying not to get sick.  
"Lilly!"  
"What's wrong?"  
"The apple it was rotten"  
"Lilly, it's fine" he said picking it up. Sure enough it wasn't rotten the inside of the apple was white.

"The piece you ate was probably bruised"  
"I'm not hungry" I know what I saw. It was rotten; in the distance I could hear his laughter. Almost as if he was mocking me.

"Leave me alone" I muttered so that Jack couldn't hear. Am I not able to have one normal day, one day that I can live in silence?

"Lilly you okay man?"  
"Yeah, I guess so, I mean I better be getting back to my house. I wouldn't want my mum worrying too much"  
"Okay, let me drive you home though" he offered.

"Really Jack I'm fine, my head just hurts a little"  
"No Lilly, I'm driving you home, you aren't looking so good" In truth he was right. I was getting weaker everyday.

Almost as if the life was being sucked out of me. I felt in a haze all day, and with each day it was getting increasingly harder to decipher what was real and what was not.

"Lilly sit down" Jack said putting a hand on my shoulder.

It was getting difficult to breath and my head was spinning. My mouth was parched and my heart was pounding.

"Lilly drink this" he said handing me a cup of water. I took a sip, before sitting it out on the floor.

"Ach! what the fuck it's BLOOD!" I screamed looking at the red liquid.

"Shh, calm down Lilly it's just water, hold still" he grabbed a hold of my arms, keeping me from hitting him as he looked at my mouth.

"It's your tongue, you must have bit it"  
"No, I didn't, that was blood"  
"Lilly I think you need to calm down baby" I feel like everyone thinks I'm psychotic, even Jack.

"Now sit tight. I'm going to get the keys" he said running into his room to get my car keys. He came running back in with them and grabbed my hand.

"Come on, slowly get up"  
"Jack I'm fine really" As soon as I stood up I felt lightheaded again. No matter how many times I said I was fine, I knew I wasn't. There was something wrong, very wrong.

Jack's steady hands were there to catch me as I started falling. He picked me up bridal style in his arms and carried my out the door. I got into the passenger side seat and closed my eyes. The world around me still spinning. What the hell is happening to me? Am I going crazy?  
"Rest Lilly, come on just fall asleep"  
"Yeah, just like that, it'll all be over soon"

Something wasn't right. My head was splitting, and I couldn't even see straight. My mouth got cold and I felt like I was losing my ability to keep my eyes open. I opened the door before puking again.

"No, no, no, no please leave me alone" I begged when I saw the black liquid.  
"Fuck" I gasp.

"Lilly!" The tears were flowing down my cheeks.  
"We're going to the hospital" Jack said jumping in the driver's seat.

"Jack, my head" I moaned in pain. This was worse than just one of my migraines. I felt like my head is actually about to split open.

"I know baby it's going to be alright" Jack sped out of the drive way, exceeding the speed limit by 20 mph at least.

I was fading in and out the whole time. The evil laughter in my head was driving me insane. I just want it all to end; I want to be able to just sleep. Jack drove into the emergency parking lot coming to a screeching halt at the entrance.

His arms wrapped around me as he picked me up, hurrying me into the ER. The lady sitting at the desk ran over to us.  
"Please you have to help my friend!" Jack spoke frantically.

"What's wrong?" she asked, trying to calm him down.

"I don't know you; you've just got to help him!"  
"Okay, um, just sit down there, the doctor will be right out" Jack held me in his lap as tight as he possibly could. It wasn't until now that I saw the tears welling in his eyes.

"Jack..."  
"Shh, don't talk" he leaned his head down forcing our lips together. The kiss wasn't lustful or romantic; it was as if he was trying to keep himself from losing it, and losing me.

My head cleared and the voices stopped. The waiting room was empty and all I could hear were my inner thoughts and the shallow breaths escaping my lips.

Dead silence.

The next thing that happened was in slow motion. The doctors came rushing out and pulled me away on a rolling bed. Jack was right by my side though, my frail hand in his. There were three doctors circled around me taking my blood pressure and hooking me up to an IV. Their voices were a blur, and I couldn't make out their faces.

"Raphael, baby? Are you okay?" My mum's voice rang in my ears. Her warm arms wrapped around me, and things began to move at proper speeds again.  
"Mum"  
"I'm right here" she said holding my hand and stroking the side of my face.

"J-Jack"  
"Right here" he said on my other side.

"What happened?"  
"The doctor's think you had a panic attack, but you're fine now they're just giving you some fluids to make sure" my mom was giving me a reassuring smile, although tears lined her eyes.

"Jack" I said looking over towards him.

"Lilly" I reached up for him. He grabbed both my hands and leaned down kissing me again. Not letting go for a few seconds.

"Ahem" My mum cleared her throat, with the whole I-know-my-son-is-gay-but-can-you-reframe-from-doing-this-right-now thing.

"Sorry" Jack said breaking the kiss.

"They say you'll be fine to go home in about an hour. They're just going to make sure everything is ok before you leave" I nodded in understanding.

"Jack do you have my phone?"  
"Yeah it's right here hun" he said handing it to me. I looked into the contacts.

"Can I have a minute?" I asked them both.

"You're goanna call him, huh?" he asked before walking out with my mum. I dialed Jezebel's number and brought the phone to my ear. After a few rings he picked up.  
"Hello?"  
"Jezebel..."

"Hello Lilly, are you alright, you sound like you've been through hell"  
"I'm at the hospital" I said biting my lip.

"Oh, what happened?" he asked surprisingly calm. Too calm, like he knew I was here, and was just waiting for me to tell him.

"I don't really know, but I'm fine I think, I just wanted to hear your voice"  
"Wouldn't you rather see me?" he asked.

"Of course I would"  
"I'll be there in a few" he said before hanging up. I set the phone aside and motioned for Jack to come back in.

"Why? Why do you want him here? Huh?" he must have been eavesdropping. I really don't want to deal with his hatred for Jezebel right now.

"Because, he's my boyfriend"  
"I guess, but I don't think this is the best idea"  
"Just stay please"

"Fine" He said sitting down in the chair next to my bed.

My mum was outside talking to the doctors. The time seemed to drag on as I watched the clock, trying to decide when "a few" was. I got my answer when 15 minutes later Jezebel came through the doors. Jack growled when he saw him walk in.  
"Be nice" I warned.

"Oh, I didn't know you were here, Jack" he said with a smirk as if challenging him.

"Well, you know someone has to look out for him" Jezebel's smirk turned into a fierce glare.

"Well, I'm here now. You're no longer needed" he said harshly.

"I guess I'm not. Anyway, I've got to work on my project, of course if I really wanted to nail the disgusting habits of the demon world I guess I could just follow you around."

"Ha, cute, but I believe that you would be much better with books" he said before watching Jack walk out.

"Jezebel, why are you so mean to him?"  
"Cause he's competition" he said before coming over to my side. He took my hands in his and knelt beside my bed so that we were eye to eye.

"I missed you, I'm so glad you're not hurt"  
"Yeah"  
"I love you Lilly" He said looking into my eyes. They were cold and screamed 'liar'. Yet for some reason I simply accepted them as truth.

"I love you too" His lips came down hard on mine, as he slipped his tongue inside my mouth, wrapping his hands around the sides of my neck, pulling me deeper into the kiss. I tired to pull back but he kept going.

"Jezebel"  
"Sorry" he said pulling back, smiling at me.

"Raphael we're all clear to leave come on sweetie" my mum said opening the door.

"I'll carry you" Jezebel said helping me up out of the bed and to my mum's car.

"Thank you, Jezebel is it?" My mum asked.

"Yes ma'am, take good care of my baby" he said with a bow to her.

"I will, don't you worry" she said chuckling nervously. Jezebel strode away and my mum got in and started the car.

"You know I love Jack, but I don't think its right for you to be spending so much time with him and kissing him if you're with Jezebel" Great now I get to be lectured by my mum.

"Mum, please don't go into this, it's not like that with me and Jack" I lied.

I knew it was to Jack, I knew why he hated Jezebel so much. For the same reason Jezebel hated him. Competition. They were fighting over me, and as romantic as it sounds, it's not. It really isn't. Its very stressful. Draining.

## Chapter Nine: Trapped In My Head Tonight

##

My mum let the whole Jack thing go (thank God) and didn't ask any more questions for the remainder of the ride. When we drove up to the house she sighed and got out before helping me do the same.

I could tell that she was upset; I know that she wanted to be close to me, but it was just so hard. I exhaust anyone who tries to get close to me. I don't know why, but it's almost as if I sucked the life out of them, to feed my meaningless existence.

I was still feeling a little worn-out so I decided that it would be a good idea if I just went to my room and slept. Sleep didn't come easy though. I tossed and turned until some point finally drifting off.

I woke up around 4 am it was still a few hours before I had to get up and get ready for school. My head was killing me. Where are my damn meds? I thought.

I got up shaky at first, but managed to regain my balance and walked into the kitchen to the medicine cabinet. I opened it up and looked for my meds.

There it was. I grabbed the needle and medicine bottle and stuck it through the thin membrane of the lid and sucked up the medicine. I pushed the syringe a bit and flicked it to get the air bubbles out.

My head ache was getting worse. I better do this quick. I pulled back my boxers and took an alcohol swab and wiped off the area where I was going to inject. Taking a deep breath I stuck the needle into my thigh, pushing it down and watching the medicine go in. The needle retracted and I threw it away.

"Oh god" I moaned as I felt dizzy again.

I sat down next to the kitchen table and took a deep breath. I feel like shit. I really don't want to go to school today; I don't want to have to deal with Jack and Jezebel's shit. Even though I'd slept most the day yesterday and then all last night, I was still so exhausted.

I got back into bed but was unable to fall back asleep. Again, I tossed and turned for what felt like ages, but sleep never came. My head ache had gone away, but I still felt bad. I felt weak. Like the feeling you get before you come down with a bad cold.

The sound of my alarm clock blared; I guess I did eventually fall asleep.

I slammed the off button down and got up again. Walking into the bathroom I looked at my pathetic excuse for an appearance. I brushed and straightened my hair before putting on my make up and pulling on black skinny jeans and a tee shirt.

I didn't feel good at all. Leaning over the toilet I gagged, but didn't get sick. Maybe I was coming down with something? I brushed my teeth and grabbed my keys before heading out the door and getting in my car.

The engine roared to life and I backed out of the drive way and drove down the road to my school. There weren't as many police as before; hopefully this whole attack thing was starting to calm down.

I saw Jack talking to some other guys we hang out with. He saw me and bid goodbye to them before coming over to greet me.  
"What's up?"  
"Where are all the police?"

"What? Did you not see the news this morning? Last night someone found the body of a young girl torn apart near the club strip, said they found her over in the wooded area, so most of the police are working that case. They're starting to think this might be some sicko serial killer"  
"Damn"

"I know right?"  
"Well did you get any more research done?"

"Eh, not a lot, I was too worried about you, but this stuff is really scary though"  
"Tell me about it" I felt like I was fighting to keep my eyes open now. I couldn't see straight and I felt like I was goanna faint.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked looking down at me.

"Oh, I just kind of still feel a little weird from yesterday that's all. I'll be fine"  
"Alright. Well, see you in class I gotta go" Jack said. I could feel his anxiety, which meant Jezebel was in his sights.

"Lilly" Jezebel's charming voice called my name.

I looked back; Jack was already at the entrance of the school. A menacing glare directed towards Jezebel on his fine features.

"You look well rested" I said to him. His face was a light creamy peach color and seemed all most as if it was made of porcelain instead of flesh.

"Yeah thanks, I did get a good night's sleep last night" he said chuckling.

"Are you feeling ok?" he asked tilting up my chin so he could see me.

"I'm just a little tired" He pulled me up to him. His pale pink lips warmed mine as they touched, pausing for a second before pulling back and giving me a bizarre look.

"You sure you're ok?"  
"I'll be fine" I said getting a little aggravated with all the enquiring.

"We better get to class" he said.  
"Yeah"

"Look" Jezebel said directing towards the sky. White snow flakes danced in the powder colored sky.

"It's snowing" Jezebel held out his hand. He brought it back and a lone snow flake rested in the palm of his hand, before melting away.

"It's cold" I had on a jacket but felt like I was freezing to death.

Jezebel took off his long trench coat and draped it around me.  
"It'll be warm inside"

"Yeah" He wrapped his arm around me holding me in close.

We got in right before the bell rang and had to hurry off to class. When we got to gym all the students were all chatting and giggling.

"Alright we will be inside today, but please change out, so go to the locker room's and quickly get changed" our elderly gym teacher announced, putting an emphasis on the quickly.

"Come on let's go" Jezebel said, walking towards the locker room. Jack was already inside, seated by one of the lockers tying his shoe. Jezebel growled at the site of him.

"I know you two don't like each other, but please try to be nice?"  
"Fine"  
"Thanks, I'll be right back" I said before walking over to Jack.

"Hey Lilly" Jack's sweet voice greeted me.

"Hey" I said putting my hand on my forehead, my head ache was returning.

"Whoa, sit down you don't look to good"  
"That would be pretty accurate" I said sitting down next to him.

"Alright, well what's wrong?"  
"I'm cold, I hurt, my head and stomach are killing me and I can hear the inner feelings of everyone in the fucking room so, ya' know the normal"  
"You goanna be okay hun?"

"I guess"  
"Actually I think I'm goanna puke" I added, feeling my stomach drop.

"Like for real?" Jack asked.  
"Yeah"  
"Alright. well the bathrooms are right there" he said helping me get up. I sprinted into one of the stalls and dropped to my knees, leaning over the toilet. I coughed feeling really sick.

"Lilly you okay?" Jack asked, from outside the stall.

"Lilly?" I threw up, and started crying when I saw the dark liquid.

"Forget about me?" the voice asked snickering. Damn it, why couldn't this freaking thing leave me alone? I'm at my wits end here!

"No, please" I begged.

"Lilly, let me in" Jack called. I reached up to the door, unlocking it.

Jack came in and locked it back, sitting down next to me. He patted me on the back and pulled my hair back.

"Oh my god, are you alright?"

"I think so" I said feeling a bit better now that Jack was with me.

He reached over me and grabbed some toilet paper, cleaning the sides of my mouth and snakebites.

"Mint?" he offered handing me one. I put it in my mouth and sighed.

"Come on, we better get to class" he said helping me up.

"I love you" he added closing the space between us. I felt his lips on mine.  
"Gross!" I exclaimed, pushing him back.

"What?"  
"I just threw up, my mouth must taste like shit"  
"I don't care, I just want you, Jezebel doesn't know what beautiful boy he's got"  
"Jack please don't do this"

"Fine" he said giving up and walking out.

When I got out into the gym, Jezebel was waiting for me. His arms were crossed and a very irked look was on his face.  
"What took you so long?"  
"I got sick"

"Oh" he said before turning and walking with me.

Three laps around the gym before class starts, that's the rule. Most people were running, but I wasn't. First off I didn't feel like it (like I ever did) and secondly it was a waste of energy.

That's what people do; they run around in circles all day. They don't know why they do it, and they don't want to do it. But they do, just because that's what's expected of them. They won't question it or refuse it. They simple just conform. It gets them no where and they don't even see that. Maybe if you keep running long enough then you'll finally get somewhere. But I don't know of any place in this shit hole of a life worth running for.

And that's the reason I wouldn't ever run for something, or from it. What did I have to run to? What could I run from, that wouldn't someday catch me? You can't out run death. Its murky shadow would wear you to the ground, before finally coming over you and taking you with it.

"I don't like Jack" Jezebel said breaking my train of thought.

"I know"  
"No, I mean I really don't like him, I don't like that he's around you, I don't like that you like him"

"What are you talking about, he's my best friend?"  
"Yeah, and he knows more about you then I do, you're with him more than me, I just feel cheated, I should be the one you trust I should be the one you're with, not him"

"I've known him all my life, he's helped me through every shitty situation I've ever been through"  
"Yeah, but you're with me now. You don't need him; I'm all that you need" What the fuck is he talking about? Is he really going to make me choose who I get to have in my life?

"I need you both"  
"No, you don't. God, does he even care about you, or is it just that he wants to fuck you?!" he snapped at me.

"How dare you say that? Of course he cares about me!" I spat back.

"Don't cry" Jezebel said stopping and turning towards me. I quickly wiped away the offending tears.

"How dare you? He's my best friend and I love him!"  
"I know that, I'm just looking out for what's best for you, it causes you so much pain, but what if it was just us, then you wouldn't have to worry about any of this, I want you to come over again"  
"Look, I want to alright, don't think that I don't, but..."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to"  
"That's what you said last time, I wasn't ready, I didn't want to have sex, I just wanted to make you happy so that you would love me"  
"I do love you, and I do want to have sex with you, but if you don't want to that's fine, what kind of person do you think I am?"  
"I don't want to make you unhappy"

"I'm not" he insisted, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. Very convincing, please note the sarcasm.

"Yes, you are"  
"No, I don't care, I just want to be with you" he said grasping the sides of my face.

"Bullshit!" Jack's irate voice yelled from behind me. The whole gym class went silent as they all looked over at us.

"Excuse me?" Jezebel said standing up to his full height.

"You heard me, that is fucking bullshit! You don't care about anyone but yourself!"

"I love Lilly more than anyone in this fucking world could ever love anyone, and it kills me that he's with an asshole like you! I mean you don't even know how good you have it! If you ask me, this 'killer' should stop going after these innocent people and fucking kill you!" Jack bellowed.

"You really shouldn't have said that" Jezebel snarled. His eyes narrowed, Jack's legs were shaking now. He let out a sharp scream, covering his ears.

"Fight!" one of the kids yelled.

Jezebel's eyes were fixed on Jack's shaking body. Jack's eyes were wide, and I could feel pure fear in Jack. Not to mention some of the other kids.

"I don't think you know who you are fucking with, so do me a favor, and shut your god damn mouth, before you force me to do something that would hurt Lilly!"  
"You wouldn't dare touch me" Jack challenged him.

"How confident are you in that statement? If I didn't think it would hurt Lilly, you'd be in the fucking ground."

"Please stop!" I begged, interrupting them.

"If you even fucking dare touch me or him, it'll be you in the ground" Jack said through bared teeth.

"I'd like to see you try, I'm a lot stronger then you Jack"  
"I don't care"  
"Jack! Jezebel! Break it up!" One of the coaches said coming over and pushing them apart.

"Both of you, cool off" he said pulling Jack away. Jezebel smirked as Jack struggled to get away from the teacher.

"Stop please" I begged again.

"I'm trying to, it's him who won't" Jezebel said, watching Jack still struggling against the teacher's hold.

"Jezebel please, just don't talk to each other, you're making me sick. Okay?"  
"Just stay away from him and I won't have to"  
"Whatever, I'm done talking about it" I said starting to walk again.

Class ended and everyone raced out of the gym and changed back. Jack was walking out of the doors towards us. Jezebel saw and grabbed me, picking me up and kissing me on the lips. Jack bit his lip and ran the other way.  
"See you later baby" Jezebel said walking off.

I turned around and ran after Jack, after I knew I was out of Jezebel's site.

"Jack please wait!"  
"Why don't you go be with your perfect boyfriend and have your perfect life and just bask in each other's perfectness!" he shouted at me, turning around.

"Jack what the hell?! Why are you acting like this?"  
"Because you're being stupid, he's not right, he's too damn controlling"  
"He's not, he just loves me!"  
"Bullshit Lilly, I'm sorry to fucking break it to you, but he's been using you since day one, all he wants to do is fuck you, and you're fucking letting him!"

"Are you calling me a whore?"  
"No, I'm calling you stupid, You know what? If you want to be with him so much then why don't you just fucking do it, but you can forget about us alright, if you wanna act like a dumb bitch, then go ahead, by all means be one, but don't expect me to be there, goodbye Raphael have a nice life" he said before turning around.

I could feel the hurt, rage and sorrow in him, yet I just stood there with my mouth open. I felt numb, like everything was slipping through my fingers. Tears flowed down my checks.

"Jack!!" I yelled his name before falling to my knees. Some kids had gathered around the hall watching it.  
"Jack please!"

"Jack" I cried.

I didn't care who saw. I just wanted to die. I clenched my teeth together, stood up and ran as fast as I could the other way.

"Bloody fucking hell!" I shrieked, pulling my hair and crying.

The other students just stared as I ran out of sight. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a mechanical pencil. Running around the corner, I smash it against the wall, breaking it in half.

I brought the sharp edge to my wrist. I'm goanna end it right here. I brought it down to draw the vertical line that would take away the pain. As soon as it made contact with my skin, something stopped it.

"No baby, you can't do that" Jezebel said taking the pencil from my hand and letting it drop to the floor.

I turned into him and wept into his chest.

"I didn't want this, I know it hurt you" he cooed.

"Jezebel..." I could even catch my breath before breaking down crying again.

"Come on" he said bringing me into an empty class room that was down the hall.

He closed the door and sat down in what use to be the teacher's chair. He held out his arms to me. I walked over and he wrapped them around me and held me as I whimpered

"Shh, It's goanna be okay, baby I love you so much" he whispered in my ringing ears.

"I love you too"  
"I'm never going to do this to you" I wanted so much to believe his words. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt me. But everyone does. The more you love someone the worse it hurts. Anyone you get close to or care about will eventually hurt you, question is how much.

"Still, kleines Baby, sag kein Wort, Mama's kaufen werde Ihnen eine Spottdrossel. Wenn die Spottdrossel nicht singen, Mama's kaufen werde man einen Diamantring. Wenn das Diamant-Ring dreht Messing, Mama's kaufen werde Ihnen ein Spiegel" his deep voice sung that could put an angel to shame.

"What's that?"  
"Hush Little Baby, my mother would sing it to me when I was upset, of course she was German, so that's how I learned it"

"It's beautiful" I said, smiling.

"Thank you" he said leaning down and kissing me.

"So Hush Little Baby, weine nicht, Vater liebt Sie, und ich, Hush Little Baby, schweig" he continued.

Chapter Ten: I Stand Here As Nothing

Jezebel's lips on mine made me almost forget about Jack and our fight. I pulled back and hung my head. Jezebel lifted my chin so he could see me. He pushed my mid-chest length hair back. I covered my face with my hands so he couldn't see the tears forming in my eyes.

"Jezebel..." He hugged me, pulling me into his chest again.

"I know, but this is for the better, you'll see that soon"  
"Jezebel, he's my best friend and I love him, why did he do this to me?"  
"I don't know why he would want to hurt you like this, but this is what I was trying to prevent"  
"I know"  
"Well, we better get to class" he said glancing up at the clock.

"Yeah"  
"See you at lunch baby" he said before pecking me on the lips.

He led me to my class; English. When I walked in everyone stared at me. My eyeliner was running, and my eyes were bloodshot from crying. I hid it behind my bangs, as I sat down in the very back.

I could feel Jack's eyes on me. I felt myself breaking down again. I bit my lip to try to stop myself from crying.

"Ahem" I heard the teacher's foot steps walking over towards me. She bent down next to my desk.

"Lilly, why were you late?" I didn't answer her. I could barley breath. I could feel all the emotions in the room, confusion mostly, but one stood out among the rest, resentment and hurt.

"Lilly can I see you out in the hall?" I quickly shook my head.

"Come on, just for a minute?"  
"Fine" I muttered getting up and walking out the door.

"Lilly, what's wrong?"  
"I don't w-want to t-talk about i-it" I said hick-upping from the crying.

"Come on"  
"I'm just u-upset" she put her hand on my shoulder. Her thin lips formed a concerned smile.

"Jack and I" I said before covering my mouth breaking down again.

"Did you two get into a fight?" I simply shook my head yes.

"Do you want to talk to him?" Before I knew what I was doing I said yes. She went inside and a few seconds later Jack walked out the door, but stopped when he saw me. His eyes narrowed.

"Lilly would you fucking stop crying?" I backed up against the wall and slide down to the floor.

"J-Jack I don't k-know what I d-did"  
"You'd rather listen to Jezebel then me, your fucking best friend!"  
"He's my boyfriend!"  
"Yeah, and you don't think that bothers me?"  
"Jack!"

"You know what? Fuck you, Lilly. You should just be happy with your little boyfriend and leave me the hell alone, cause all you do is cause me pain" I could feel it too. He was hurt  
.  
"I feel sick" I said before running away from him to the bathroom. He didn't follow me, just went back inside.

"Fuck!" I screamed kicking the wall. Why is my life such hell? I need him, he's the only reason I'm still here. And now he hates me.

"Lilly, please come out" Ms. Maxi's voice called from outside the bathroom.  
"NO!"

"You have to come, we're going to the library"  
"I don't want to"  
"Lilly please"  
"Fine!" I said walking out. Was it too much to ask that for one day of my life, no one tried to make me do shit I didn't want to do?!

The rest of the class was all ready in the library when I got there. I sighed and went over and picked up a book before sitting down, "pretending" to read it. I flipped to the section on guardian angels.

"It is said that every person has a guardian angel. For most people their guardian angel is someone they've know from birth, or early childhood. They feel a strong connection with them and sometimes fall in love. If a guardian angel were to be separated from them, they'd go insane. The more time they spend together, the more in tune to their person they become. Sometimes, even eventually being able to know where they are and if they are in danger." I ended up reading.

"Most people never know who there guardian angel is. And most angels don't know who there person is. Although they know each other and the angel watches over them, they will most likely never KNOW that they are an angel." What would happen if your guardian angel died? What would happen if your guardian angel hated you?

"The exception is that if a demon or threat were to arise in their human's life, then they would activate. They will become more protective over there person and not leave them until the threat disappears. Naturally demons and angels detest each other. They can (sometimes without knowing) sense the presents of one another. Should their person be attacked by a demon, the angel will fully activate. They will get their wings, and in many cases fight the demon."

"An angel's wings can only be seen by the angel, their person and demons. This way they are able to blend in with world. Angels are not immortal, they are humans and can be killed in all the ways a normal human can be."

I closed the book and put it back on the self. How nice it must it be to have someone so dedicated to you, that would never hurt you? An angel. I wonder who my angel is, or if I even have one. I wonder if Jack has read this.

No, what am I thinking? Thinking about him will only cause me more agony. I'd be best just to forget about him. If he doesn't want anything to do with me, then I don't want anything to do with him.

I read some more from other books. Most of the stuff was the same as the first book. Before I knew it the bell rang and the library emptied. I've got to go meet Jezebel for lunch.

I walked down the halls that led to the cafeteria. When I got there, Jezebel was sitting in the corner. He saw me and beamed. I wasn't hungry and the line was long, so I just decided to go on over to him. I sat down next to him and returned the warm smile.

"Feeling any better?"  
"A little"

"You will, don't worry, I'm never going to leave you" he said gazing into my eyes.

He wrapped his hands around my hips and pulled me onto his lap. One of his hands slid up the back of my tight shirt that reveled most of my stomach and back.

"I love this shirt on you" he said chuckling.  
"Really?"  
"Of course, so.... Sexy" he said snuggling his head into the crook of my neck.

"Jezebel, stop that" I said, giggling as he bit at my neck.

"I think you like it"  
"But we're at school"  
"So let's leave"  
"No, oh my god, s-stop" I moaned as he bit a tender spot. He stopped and I brushed my hair back.

"You so tempting Lilly"  
"I am?"  
"Yes, you'd drive someone mad with lust" I blushed and turned away.

"Aw, don't be embarrassed, that's why I'm so glad you're mine, and not his" he said with a slightly boastful tone. The mention of Jack made me go sour.  
"Can we not talk about him?"

"Oh, you don't know how happy that would make me" he said smiling before leaning in to kiss me.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jack sitting across the room, eyes set and teeth bared. I felt my heart drop. I don't want for him to hate me.  
"Ignore him" Jezebel muttered between kisses. I tried, but I keep feeling his eyes digging into me.

"I've got to go" I said breaking the kiss and standing up.

"Wait, when are you coming over to my house again?"  
"I don't know"  
"How about tomorrow after school?"  
"Umm... yeah, sure"  
"Alright, see you later then baby"  
"Yeah"  
"I love you"  
"I love you too" I said before walking around the corner.

Once I was sure no one could see me I started to run. Everyone was still at lunch so no one was in the bathroom. I sat down in the far corner and started crying. I got out my phone and texted Jack.

"Come 2 the bathroom please I need 2 talk 2 u" I can't take this. One minute Jezebel seems madder than hell, the next lusty, the next indifferent to everything.

I wait a few minutes, before my phone buzzed with the response

"Y?"  
"Because I need u"  
"I don't care"  
"Please, I'm sorry"  
"F U!" I let the phone drop out of my hands.

How am I supposed to make this right if he won't even talk to me? Please Jack don't do this, I begged. I need him here. Ever since our fight a feeling of dread and despair has been plaguing me.

And by that I mean more so then normal, like the feeling that something horrendous is just over the horizon. What though, I couldn't tell.

"Jack please I need u" I tried again.

"Sorry, heard ur going 2 jez's don't come crying 2 me when he fucks u again"

"WTF? Stop doing this" This isn't the Jack I know, like some supernatural being had taken over his soul. Destroyed his gentle heart, and replaced it with this cold one.

Some supernatural being, like a demon.

This is why I can't get close to anyone. In the end it all comes to this. The people you love the most are the ones who hurt you the most. I could barley see through the tears.

"I'm dun with u stop txting me" he replied

"Fuck!" I screamed, throwing my head back, hitting it against the tile.

"Ow!" School would be over in a few hours. There is no fucking way I'm staying here, I thought before getting up. I'll just tell the nurse I don't feel good and just go home, my mum should still be at work so that won't matter.

I walked into the nurse's office. The regular staff, of poorly trained attendants that our shitty school kept, were all sitting around talking and pushing papers.  
"Hello Lilly do you need anything?" the head nurse asked.

"Um, I don't feel good I just need to go home"  
"Alright honey, just sign out" I signed my name on the sign out sheet and handed it back to her.

"Alright hun you're free to go, hope you feel better" Even if they weren't the best medical care, they were still very nice.

"Yeah, thanks" I said before heading out.

I got to my car and started it. I laid my head down on the steering wheel; my hair fell over it like a veil, blinking I tried to clear my eyes. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove down the road. I'm so exhausted. I was fighting to keep my eyes open.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed.

A woman wearing a bloody white dress darted in front of the car. I swerved, trying to keep my car on the slick road. My car failed me as it ran down an embankment and crashing into a tree.

The front was completely totaled. Oh my god, did I hit someone? I was able to get out the back door, although it was a bit of a struggle.

I ran up the snowy hill to the road. Her white face was smeared with blood, and her white dress was ripped and torn. Her face stood out, it was the one in the news, the young woman attacked by the killer yesterday.

"Oh my god" Her eyes rolled back in her head. I reached out my hand to her but it simply went through.

"Beware, you're in danger. It's not what it seems" her scratchy voice pleaded.

"You're, you're that girl. The one who was killed"  
"The price we pay" she said gasping.

"What, what's that?"  
"The price we pay" she chocked out once more, before her body began to blacken and turn to ash. The remains swirled up in the winter wind and dissipated. My legs were shaking and the snow had begun to fall again. It was getting colder.

"Shit" I said looking down into the embankment where my car sat completely totaled. I took my phone out of my back pocket. Who is there to call though? I doubt that Jack would help me. Maybe Jezebel would. I dialed his number and waited.

"Hello?" a low voice said on the other end.

"Jezebel, it's me I had an accident and my car skidded off the road, I'm freezing can you come pick me up?"  
"Oh my god, are you hurt?"  
"No, I don't think so -" I managed to say before starting to cry.

"Where are you?"  
"On the road that leads out to the school"  
"I'll be there soon" he said before hanging up.

I sat by the curb and wrapped my arms around my legs trying to keep warm. My whole body shook as a light coat of snow began to cover my frame.

A few minutes later a silver sports car drove up. It stopped in front of me and Jezebel hurried out of it running over to me.  
"Lilly!"  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm just freezing" he looked over to the car.

"Damn that thing is totaled, you're lucky that you didn't get hurt, I'll call someone to come and get it, but first get in the car" He helped me up and wrapped his coat around me.

The inside of the car was even more expensive looking then the exterior. Full black leather interior, the car must have cost a fortune. He called someone on the phone before getting back in.

"They said there isn't much they can do about it now, but they'll take it to the shop. I'm taking you home now"

"Okay" He got in and sped down the road towards my house. The car seemed to hug the curves as it glided around them. We got to my house in record time.

"Are you going to be okay by yourself?"

"Yeah" He pulled me up to his arms, kissing my lips.

"On second thought, I'm going to stay here with you until your mother gets back"  
"Are you sure? I don't want to trouble you"

"It's no trouble at all, I live for you" he said taking my still half frozen hands in his.

"Thank you, Jezebel" I said, grabbing the key from my pocket and unlocking the door, letting us both in.

How am I going to tell my mum that my car is totaled? I guess that's something for later. I went over to the couch and sat down. The effect of what had just happened began to set in. Jezebel followed me, seating his self down beside me.

"Why is this happening to me?"  
"I don't know sweetheart, but I'm sure it'll all be over soon" Even with Jezebel's body so close to my own, I just want to feel his arms around me, to hear him say that everything is okay.

My stomach turned, making me feel ill again.

"What are you going to do now? Huh? Now that your preciously little Jack is gone, who is going to save you?" the voice taunted me. I held in the urge to scream.

"Leave me alone" I muttered under my breath.

"No it's just you and me now"  
"Leave me the fuck alone" I said a little louder.

"Who are you talking to Lilly?" Jezebel asked, looking at me with concern.

"Sorry I can't do that, now obey Lilly"  
"Get the fuck out of my head!" I screamed.

"Whoa, baby, are you alright?" Jezebel asked, grabbing my arms in an attempt to calm me.

A deep laughter filled my ears. My stomach flipped and I had to sprint to the bathroom. I dropped to my knees getting violently sick. The voice just laughed harder.  
"Look what happens Lilly if you don't do what I say"

"Fuck-you" I gasped.  
"Naughty boy, you should listen" I felt my breath stop in my throat. I gasped, desperately trying to catch it. My heart was racing and I felt dizzy.

"Lilly, Lilly are you okay?" Jezebel asked, running after me, and kneeling beside me.

"Going to listen now?"  
"I'd rather die!"

"Baby who are you talking to? Is it another spirit?" His words couldn't reach me though. His touch was too far away to save me.

"You don't know anything, your whole life you've been wishing for death, but I bet you're too scared to actually go through with it, if you'd rather die then just fucking do it, you've lost everything, you're nothing! Fucking die you stupid cunt!!!"

"AH" I screamed trying to force it to stop. I felt sick again, the black liquid dripping from my lips as I collapsed on the floor crying.

"J-Jezebel?" I asked, reaching out for him. My hand only felt air though. I looked up to just see my mother's face, a frantic expression on it.  
"Raphael? Raphael?"  
"Oh my god Raphael" she screamed holding me.

"Mum?"  
"Baby oh god, what happened, I saw your car!"  
"I swerved off the road"  
"Oh my poor baby boy" she cried holding me tighter.

I looked out the window. Jezebel's car was nowhere in sight. There is no possible way he got out that quick, and without my mother noticing. Did I imagine the whole thing?

"Are you hurt?"  
"No, I just feel really sick, mum help me"  
"I don't know what to do" she said panicking.

"Get my medicine" I pleaded holding my head which was now pounding. She got up and ran to get it.

"Let me see your leg" she said. I pulled down my pants a bit and she stuck in the needle. I winced as it retracted.  
"Do you need to go see a doctor?"

"No, I'll be fine" I said covering my mouth, trying not to cry.  
"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it"  
"Please tell me" I pulled out my phone and scanned through my messages till I found Jack's then handed her the phone. Her eyes went wide as she read the text.

"Why would he say this?"  
"We got in a fight"  
"Oh my god baby, you know this isn't true"  
"Mum, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to go to sleep please, I've had a hard day"

"Okay, but I'm coming to check on you soon" she said helping me back to my feet. She guided me to my room and kissed me on the cheek.

"I love you honey"

"I love you too mum" She turned off the lights and closed the door.

I grabbed my cell phone in my trembling hands and dialed Jezebel's number. After a few rings he picked up.

"Yes baby?"  
"J-Jezebel, please tell me that you stayed with me until my mother got here"  
"What are you talking about, I offered to, but you insisted that I go home" I felt my eyes prick. So I was just imaging it all? Maybe, I really am going crazy.

"Lilly are you sure you're okay?" I didn't answer though, instead just shut my phone and let it drop from my grip.

I stripped down to my underwear and slipped into bed, sobbing into my pillow. Why can't this all be a dream? I just wish today never happened. I lost my best friend. Who I love so much; I don't want him to just leave like this. Why does it have to be like this? Just one day, that's all I ask where nothing goes wrong.

## Chapter Eleven: Fiery Oceans

##

It's funny how when you think the pain is finally gone it comes back harder and stronger then it was before, it always comes back. You can try and fight it of,f but you can only do this for so long before all the fight has been drained from you and all that remains is a lifeless carcass.

That's the part I fear most, becoming dead, but for some reason still alive exhausted of all hope and happiness. You see them all the time just walking around, dead to the world, no emotion, just blank.

Do they feel the fiery oceans of hell, or do they see the golden gates, or is it that they don't see anything at all? The fact of the matter is; I would rather die then live as if I were dead.

The beating of a heart doesn't always mean life. You can put someone whose brain dead on life support, but still in the end all they are is a warm corpse.

All because someone wouldn't let them truly die. People who have expired and their bodies still walk around infecting others with their presence, that's what upsets me the most.

The next morning I woke up and felt the same vacant feeling. I walked into the bathroom and looked at my reflection. The boy in the mirror stared back at me with icy blue eyes. My face was pale and dull. I opened up the cabinet and took out my foundation.

I covered my face with the powdery substance, and outlined my eyes with the black eyeliner before coating my lips with a thin pink layer of lip gloss. After school today, Jezebel's house. I picked up my phone and texted Jack.

"Can we please talk?" I put it back in the back pocket of my skin tight jeans. I know he told me not to text him, but I can't help it.

"No" the phone read.

I felt my eyes burn. No, no more crying, I tried to will myself. I looked at the clock, how the hell am I suppose to get to school today. My mum said that the car people called and the car was totaled.

Just as I thought, there was no possible way I could make it to school, seeing as how the bus had already come and gone, a car horn honked outside the house.

I ran down the stairs and opened the door.

"Good morning Lilly" Jezebel's suave voice said.

"Hi" I said blushing slightly.

"So are you ready to go?" I nodded and followed him out to his car.

"So did you get any sleep last night?"  
"Yeah, some, I'm still upset because of Jack"  
"I thought we were done talking about him, he's nothing"

"I know" I said gazing out the window.

Jezebel pulled up into the school parking lot. Since the killer had moved away from campus the cops had disappeared from the school. The town was in a panic, everyone worrying about who would be next.

"Here we are" Jezebel said turning off the car.

"Okay" I said getting out.

I leaned against the car, feeling the tears starting. I covered my face, not wanting him to see me cry. Jezebel sighed and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I love you baby"  
"I l-love you t-too" I choked out.

"Don't cry" he said wiping a tear from my cheek.

"I just want things to be back to normal" I wailed into his shoulder.

"Yeah, but things will get better, and remember that I'll always be here for you"

"I know" I said drying my eyes.

We walked hand in hand together up to the front of the school. Jack stood at the top of the stairs, his emerald eyes set on mine, narrowed in a fierce glare.

I bit my lip and turned away. I felt all the emotions in the area, and feeling his just made it worse. How was I supposed to get over him, if I couldn't get him out of my head?

It's not like I can just shut him out. He was always there in the back of my mind. I didn't want to go to gym and be in the same room as Jack, but there was no way I could get out of it.

We went into the gym; Jack was standing in the corner talking to a few guys. I saw him and stopped, he glanced over his shoulder eyes set on me. Why is he doing this to me? He'd act like he wanted nothing to do with me, but then never take his eyes off of me. Did he want to torture me?

Then again after what I've put him through, maybe he had a right to.  
"Something wrong?" Jezebel asked.

"Um, no" I said trying my best to forged a smile.

It was really hitting me hard now, all Jack's emotions; disgust, resentment, dread, sadness. Was his hate only towards Jezebel, or was it just as much focused on me now?

The other students seemed to be on edge more too. The sports jocks all had big games tonight and their anxiety was all flooding into me. Jezebel put his arm around me.  
"I can't wait till tonight"

"I-I know" I said again forcing myself to smile. I hated being fake, I hated it so much. I'm not a fake person.

"You don't have to pretend around me, you know that right?" he said almost as if reading my mind.

"I know, but I really am, I just want to get my mind off of everything that's going on"  
"Yes, that would be nice" he said looking off and chuckling.

Our gym teacher came out with his clip board and gave his good luck to the sports teams then released us to go get dressed. I followed Jezebel into the locker room, all the other guys were already getting dressed, most of them talking about the game.

Jezebel led me to the very back of the locker room. It was a secluded place, no one ever used it. Rusted lockers that no longer locked, and some didn't even have doors, lined the side walls.

The yellow musty tinted walls were covered in graffiti from years past, and the carpet was stained with sweat and sports drinks. Jezebel sat down on one of the aged wooden benches.

"Sit" he said motioning me over. I sat down on his lap, facing him. He put his hand on my thigh and grinned.

"What?"  
"Nothing, you're just so beautiful that's all" he said. I blushed at his compliment.

"I really wish you wouldn't worry so much Lilly"  
"I know" I said back.

His cool lips touched mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands held my face gently. I could feel the lust in his kiss. His hands moved from the sides of my face to my shirt. His fingers slipped up under the tight fabric and traced the lines of my ribs.

"Stop" I said pulling back.

"Sorry"  
"It's okay, just not here" The bell rang and the locker rooms on the other side filled again. Class was already over.

"Do you want to get out of here?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean let's start our slumber party early"  
"Umm, ok"  
"Good, come on" he said taking my hand.

We walked through the emptying locker room, Jack was still there and our eyes caught for a moment as I walked by. This time they weren't as harsh, almost as if pleading.

Jezebel unlocked the car and I got in. The engine purred to life and he put it in drive and drove off. I really don't want to do anything, I'm was to heart broken to do anything, can't he see that? Does he care?

"Here we are" he said pulling into the mansion's drive way. I'd almost forgotten how immense it was.

"Yeah, here we are" I said getting out. He walked over to me.

"Lilly don't lie to me, there is something wrong I can tell"  
"I'm just tired" I said trying to hide the tears falling down my cheeks with my hair.

"Really?" I covered my mouth with one hand.

"No"  
"What's wrong baby?"  
"It's just Jack"  
"Oh god, why are you still worrying about him, he's nothing now" he barked at me.

"I know, but we've been best friends for as long as I can remember"  
"I know, but it's time to move on now, with me" He said looking in my eyes.

"I know and I want to, b-but I can't" I said clearly crying now.

"Shh, it's ok Lilly" He said holding me in his sturdy arms.

"Let's go inside okay?"  
"Okay" I said following him in.

He pulled me over to the living room and sat down on the couch. I laid down on his lap, sobbing into his shirt.

"I don't want to be so weak"

"You're a lot stronger then you know" he said in a soothing voice.

He lifted my chin up kissing me, biting at my bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled me closer.

"I love you" he said.  
"I love you too"

## Chapter Twelve: A Twist in My Story

##

The darkness outside was begging to replace the soft blue skies as the evening turned to night. Jezebel looked over towards me and smiled.  
"Don't you think that sunsets are romantic?"  
"Yeah"

"Why don't we take a walk? The woods behind the house, it leads to an absolutely perfect place to watch it"  
"Sure" I said taking hold of his hand and following him out the rear door.

He led me to a dirt pathway that led into the woods. The trees covered most the sky and the birds chirped a sweet song. A soft breeze wafted through the forest and blew Jezebel's hair back. He's so gorgeous, almost other worldly.

"We're almost there" he said looking ahead.

We walked for what felt like ages. Sure, almost there my ass. My phone buzzed. I pulled it out and glanced at the id. Jack? I felt hurt flood back into my body. I thought he wanted nothing to do with me anymore?

"Where r u?" the text read. Why did he care? He hadn't returned any of my text and ignored me all day.

"Why do u care?" I typed before hitting send.

"R u with Jez?" Didn't he know that? He seemed to know almost everything about the two of us lately.

"Yea" the phone fell silent for a minute before it buzzed to life again.

"GET OUT!" the frantic text read.

"WTF r u talking about?"  
"HE'S NOT SAFE LILLY RUN!" My heart started pounding inside my chest. What is he talking about? As I looked up I noticed that the woods were really dark now, and cold. Cold as death.

"Where are we?" Jezebel didn't answer.

A horrid smell filled my lungs, putrefying flesh; the smell was caught in my throat almost chocking me.  
"Oh my God!" I screamed when I saw what lay ahead.

Flies buzzed around the decomposing corpses of several people, all stacked on top of one another. There stomachs were gored out and their souls long gone from here. Their faces were stricken with horror.

One stood out among the rest. The bloody woman that had jumped in front of my car, lay on top with a petrified look on her pale features. The scent made me feel sick. I looked behind me, but Jezebel wasn't there.

"Ha-ha it's time Lilly! Not only are going to die, you're going to fucking pay for touching my Jezebel!" the voice growled.

"Jezebel?" I screamed in panic, again no answer. Please tell me this is all just another one of my twisted dreams. This can't be real!

I reached into my pocket and held the phone in my trembling hands. I've got to call Jack. Shit, I should have listened. I should have run when I had the chance, where the fuck am I?

The phone was snatched out of my hand before I could dial his number. I turned around to see Jezebel standing before me. The phone crumbled into a million pieces as his grip tightened around it.

"Shit" I mumbled stepping back. A branch cracked underneath my foot, making my heart skip a beat.

"Stupid boy" His voice was no longer the one I was use to. It was scratchy and demonic.

"Wha-what?" He clenched his fist and his eyes closed.

When they snapped back open they were no longer their normal color. This time they were inflamed and auburn, like fire.

The porcelain skin on his back cracked like pottery and shattered, revealing a set of huge black wings that were tattered and burnt. His pearly white teeth were now razor sharp, and his fingers looked more like claws than human hands. His already astonishing height had shot up about another foot as he stood towering over me.

"Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, you should have listened to your best friend"  
"Jezebel what the hell are you?" I said too scared to move.

"I'm the taker, I'm here for your soul"

"Why?" I screamed falling to my knees. I want this to be a dream; I want this to go away.

"Because that was the deal" he spoke coolly.

"B-but I never made a d-deal"  
"But your mother did"  
"What?"  
"Don't you remember?" he said cocking his head to the side and walking closer to my shaking body.

"Remember what?"  
"When you were five? The night you almost died?"

"You see, you were sick Very sick, and your mother knew this, every waking moment she lived in hell, prayed to God that you'd get better, but you never did."

"With all hope gone she just had to do it, but in the end she couldn't bring herself That was until your heart stopped When she saw all those doctors desperately trying to save you, that she said it" he said chuckling.

"She said it Lilly!" he roared.

"She said I'd sell my soul to the devil himself to save him. Abaddon heard her desperate plea, and made a deal"

"You see, Abaddon is my dealer, he makes the deal and when it comes time to pay, that's when I come"

"But why are you taking me?"  
"Because your mother said that she'd give her soul to save yours, she had 11 years, that's what her soul was worth, to raise you and be with you, then I'd come and take her soul to hell just like she agreed"

"And a few months ago when you turned 16 it was time to collect. I took human form and came, she didn't want to go though. Maybe she thought she could escape it. I don't know, but the thing is; if someone makes a deal and goes back on it, we can take back what we gave. It could be money, their life, fame or even a son"

"That's why Lilly. She lives, you die. She dies. you live. In the end, she just couldn't do it. Of course, the dumb bitch doesn't realize that even if I do take you, I'll still come back for her. She'll be so guilt ridden she'd almost beg to go to hell"

"No!, No, no, no, no, I don't want to die!" I screamed.

"Abaddon told you, didn't he? He told you that you didn't have it in you, you see that voice in your head. That's him. He told you that when faced with death, you'd cower away just like every other human"

"That's too bad though, guess you should have listened"

"You see we have to take someone, and today, that's you"  
"But you love me!"

"No, I don't. I love Abaddon, and I did all this just to get you alone, to get away from him!" I felt my heart break.

"It was fun playing, but sorry, games over Lilly" With a quick slash, intense pain shot through my stomach.

Blood gushed from three marks that went across my torso. Abaddon was right, here I am, staring death in the face, and I'm scared.

"Lilly!" Jack's voice yelled.

Jezebel growled when he saw him standing in the clearing. Jack ran over to me, grabbing me and holding me in his arms. I gasped as the pain numbed my whole body.

"It's okay Lilly. You're going to be ok"  
"Damn it!" Jezebel cursed.

"You're not going to fuck it up this time bitch" Jack's body was trembling. His eyes closed tight.

"Jack?" His body emitted a yellow light as bright as the sun.

A pair of white wings erupted through his shirt, fanning out. Jezebel's face froze in shock and disbelief. That's when it really hit me. First, what Jezebel was. Then, what Jack was, a guardian angel.

"Touch him and I will end you"

"Shit" Jezebel muttered under his breath. In a flash Jezebel was gone leaving us alone in the clearing.

"Lilly, we have to get out of here. If we don't he'll catch us"

"Jack!" he picked me up and ran me out to his car with inhuman speed. He placed me in the passenger seat and jumped in speeding off.

"What the fuck is this?!"

"I'm so fucking sorry Lilly, I love you I really do. He made me feel that, it wasn't me, he's a demon Lilly that's what I was trying to warn you about, and that voice in your head that's his dealer. He won't stop, this is what he does"  
"Jack he said my mother-"  
"I know Lilly, I'm so sorry baby, we're going to end this"

"What are we going to do?"  
"There is a preacher I know about not too far from here, we've got to get to him, maybe he can help us"

"Jack, I'm scared" I said crying. The blood was starting to soak through my shirt and I felt lightheaded from blood loss.

"Jack, I don't feel good"  
"Hold on baby"  
"Ah" I screamed in pain, as another wave hit me.

"Stay with me" I tried to focus my eyes.

I felt myself slipping in and out. The car lurched to a stop pulling me out of my daze. An old gothic church stood in front of us. The moon shone through the two towers casting an ominous shadow over us.

Jack slammed his door shut before running over to me and pulling me out. It was then that I realized, as we were running to the church, that all this time I wanted to live. We were running for our very lives. I wanted to survive. I wanted to come out of this.

"Father!" an old man dressed in a catholic robe stood by one of the old wooden pews reading a book by candle light.

His face was drained of all color when he saw the blood on me. Could he not see Jack's wings?

"What in God's name has happened?"

"Please father, you must help us. My friend he's been attacked by a demon. We need help" the man stepped back fearfully.

"What are you talking about?"  
"There is a demon. Please, he's going to kill us" The man held his rosary out in front of his body.

"All evil be gone, the light of the lord protects me"  
"No, please you have to help us" Jack pleaded with the man.

"I'm afraid I can't. You must leave, Leave now!" he commanded.

"No, please!" Jack begged.

"No, I-I can't help you, please leave now"

"Fine, if you won't help us, then, then...." he said before taking my hand running out of the building, leaving the shocked priest.

"Damn it!" Jack screamed getting back in the car.

"Jack how come he couldn't see your wings?"  
"Only you can, and demons. We are the only ones who can"  
"Lilly we are getting out of here right now"

"Where?" The bleeding had subsided, but the pain was becoming unbearable.

"I don't know, but far away from here" He said, speeding away from the church.

"We've got to run" The car sped down the heavily wooded road. Rain had started to pour now, making it hard to see what lay ahead. Tears fell down his checks.

"I'm sorry Jack, I'm sorry for getting you into all this"

"No, it's not your fault, besides this is what I am, without you I'm nothing, I love you more than anything else in the world baby, I would die for you"

"No, Jack I don't want you to die, I want you to be with me forever"

"We will be baby" Unexpectedly something hit the car.

Jack veered off the road and into the muddy ditch. The car's wheels spun, but it wouldn't move. Jezebel's body emerged from the rain and a wild grin stretched across his face.

"We'll have to fight" Jack said.

## Chapter Thirteen: Love Hurts

##

Jack grinned at the rain covered figure as it approached. Jezebel's eyes glowed a bloody crimson as he slashed one of the tallest trees, making it go down like a tooth pick in the wind.

I hadn't realized until now that I could possibly lose not only my life, but Jack's too.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Why is my life so messed up? Why can't it be normal or even semi-normal?

"You're done here" Jack threatened. Jezebel only chuckled in response.

"Lilly are you really going to sit there and watch your best friend die?"  
"Leave him alone!" Jack demanded.

A cloud of murky black smoke formed around Jezebel's feet. He lurched forward into the air, and came down hard on Jack. He fell under the pressure as he tried to fight back.

Jezebel was right, I was really was going to sit here and watch Jack die. But what can I do? I'm not strong; I'm in no condition to move more than a few inches.

"AH" Jack shrieked in sheer pain as Jezebel's razor sharp talons sliced through his skin. He fell from the sky and right before he hit the ground, his eyes darted towards me.

"I love you Jack!" With those words he let out a pained screamed and went after Jezebel.

This time he gained the upper hand. Jack's hands glowed the same yellow as before, as he wrapped them around Jezebel's throat. Smoke came from them as Jezebel screeched in pain and the light seared his skin.

His long finger nails again dug into Jack's side drawing blood. The only thing I could do was sit there.

All I've ever done was sit there, sit there and watch the world around me fall apart, to scared to do anything about it. Like a coward.

Jack punched Jezebel hard in the jaw, black blood dripped from his mouth. Before Jack could hit him a second time, Jezebel sunk his sharp teeth into Jack's neck.

His body went limp and Jezebel was now over top of him with his hand raised up in the air ready to deliver the death blow. This was it. I was going to see him die, and then die myself.

No! No more am I going to sit here and watch. I glanced around and found what I was looking for, a long shard of tree bark in a pile of leaves.

I grasped the object in my hand and took a deep breath. Jack gasped for air as Jezebel crushed him underneath this weight. This was it, before I knew what I was doing I had plunged the stake into Jezebel's back.

A faint gasp escaped his lips before he fell over, black blood covered him, and the pointed end of the wooden stake protruded from where his heart was.

"Remember Lilly, once damned to hell you can't go back, we're waiting for you" he said with his final breath.

His eyes rolled back before his body cracked and then shattered, bursting into flames and becoming nothing.

"Ah" Jack moaned, rolling over in agony.

"Jack!" I ran over to him and threw my arms around his bloody figure.

"No, Jack please don't die, I need you, please" I sobbed holding him in my arms. His eyes fluttered open, and his wounds fused shut. All bleeding stopped.

"Jack?"  
"Lilly?" his weak voice said.

"Jack, you're okay!"  
"Lilly, you did it, we're safe" Tears ran down my cheeks.

"We're not, are we?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Lilly, I'm sorry, I should have told you this before but, if you kill a demon, you must take their place once you die. We can't be here anymore, we have to get out of here"  
"Wait, Jack! My mum!"

"Oh shit, get in the car" We ran over to the car that was still stuck in the mud. After a few tries the car speed out of the ditch. Jack raced towards my house.

"Jack, what if something happened to her. Remember what Jezebel said it's my soul or hers"  
"Don't say that Lilly. She'll be fine. We killed Jezebe,l remember?"  
"But what if we were too late"  
"The voice, do you still hear the voice?"  
"N-no"  
"Damn"  
"Why?"  
"If there still was a price to pay he'd still be here"

"Does that mean that... Jack NO!" I couldn't think that way. We pulled up to my house. The door was open. A bad sign. I ran out, but before I could reach the door Jack's arms were around me.

"No, baby, let me go in first" he said.

I could smell the metallic aroma of blood in the air. I knew it, we were too late. My mother was in there, and she was dead. Jack looked inside and then stepped in. I followed him.

"Oh God" I heard Jack mutter from inside.

"What?!"  
"Lilly you don't want to see this, get back in the car" he said blocking my view.

"Jack, what?" I screamed pushing past him.

"No!" I screamed falling to my knees. For what laid in front of me was my worst nightmare come true.

My mother's body lay motionless in the middle of the living room floor. Her guts strung about and her soul gone. Blood covered the walls, and in the center of it, above the couch, were the words THE PRICE WE PAY written in her blood.  
"Lilly?"

"I'm goanna be sick" I said running outside before puking.

"Baby I'm sorry" Jack said putting a hand on my back.

"Why, why, why, why, why Jack? Why did she have to die?"  
"Lilly, it's not your fault. It was the deal she made"  
"I know, but my mother..."

"I know baby. Look, I know you're hurt, but we have to get out of here. We can't stay."  
"I know"

"Wait here, I'm going to go pack your things and then we're leaving"  
"Okay" I mouthed watching him go back into the house of horrors.

Why did it have to end this way? My mother's dead. Where are Jack and I supposed to go? Who do we have left? What about Jack's parents? Was he really willing to give up his life for me? I couldn't even cry anymore. My whole body went numb and began to shake.

How in one day could I have lost so much? I remember this morning when everything was kind of normal. I had no way of knowing the impending doom the day would bring. I had lost who I thought was my boyfriend, my mother, my whole life as I'd known it, and almost lost Jack.

Have you ever had a day when so much shit went wrong that you thought that nothing else could possibly be worse? What would you have done if it did? How much can you endure before you are pushed over the edge? How far can you go before you can no longer go back? And how far would you want to go before you didn't want to go any further. I have.

Jack emerged from the house, with a few bags.

"Get in the car"  
"Jack where are we going to go?"

"I don't' know, but we're going to drive until we find something" I didn't feel like arguing with him. The fight was completely gone. I was exhausted.

Jack put the bags in the trunk. I just stood by the car unable to really move. Not really wanting to either.

Jack walked over to me. He took my shaking hands in his.

"I love you" he said before kissing me.

I'd missed him so much, his kiss was so loving. I'd almost forgotten what love felt like. He's the only thing I had left and the only person who could save me.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you" he repeated over and over again.

"I love you too" I whispered back.

He opened the car door and I got in. He ran over to the driver's side and started the car. Reaching into the back he handed me a pillow.

"Baby, please get some sleep. You look like you're going to pass out" I put my head on the pillow and watched the scenery go by as we drove through the streets.

As we turned out of my neighborhood I could hear the police sirens speeding towards my house.

"Good bye, mother" I mouthed.

## Chapter Fourteen: The Great Escape

##

We had no idea where we were, or where we were going. We'd been driving for about seven hours now. Jack's eyes hadn't left the road, and I'm not even sure if he had blinked once the whole trip.

"Are you hungry?" he asked finally, coming out of his coma like state.

"No" I said quietly.

"I am, do you mind if we stop somewhere to eat something"  
"I don't care" I said.

The rain was still pouring down and lightning lit up the night's sky as Jack pulled into a parking lot. There hadn't been any sign of life for miles, save this place. In neon lights, were the words Lucy's Old Diner.

The parking lot was empty except for the lone car of an employee. He stopped the car and got out. The building was old; it resembled more of a wooden shack with huge windows then a diner.

The old rusted door opened with a creak, and you could hear the hum of the neon lights. Inside the walls were yellowed from years of smoke and water damage. The bar was sticky with syrup and who knows what else.

The old leather seats were falling apart and the whole room smelled like an old lady's house. One waitress was all that this beaten down place had to offer. She wore the traditional diner outfit. Complete with a petal pink apron with various stains and a matching hat. Her long brown hair was tied back in a bun and she had a name tag on the dress that read Jamie.

"How you doing tonight" she spoke with a heavy accent.

"Fine" Jack said not making eye contact.

"Sit anywhere you please" she instructed.

I followed Jack to the back of the small building and sat down in a booth. Jamie walked over to us and handed us tattered menus.

"Just holler when you're ready" she said before walking back up to the counter. Jack studied the menu for a few minutes.

"Do you want anything?"  
"I'm not hungry"  
"Okay"  
"Waitress, I think we're ready" Jack called. Her marry Jane heels clicked as she strolled over.

"And what will it be?"  
"Uh, pancakes, with sausage and hot tea" Jack said handing her the menu. She wrote it down before walking back to the kitchen.

"Are you okay Lilly?"  
"Yeah" I said not looking at him.

He seemed to sense that I wasn't in a talkative mood. I could tell, though he put up a tough front (why I don't know) that he was scared. I could feel it in my bones. Jack was scared. He didn't want to show it, but he was. Neither of us knew where we were going or even what the hell just happened. Still in a state of shock.

Jamie came back with a steaming plate and set it down in front of Jack.  
"Anything else?"

"No, that'll do for now" he said picking up a fork and tearing off a piece of pancake before blowing on the hot substance and eating it.

We sat in silence, with only the inner monologue of our own minds, and the waiter who, despite it being 3 am seemed to be quite happy. I watched the rain fall.

"Let's go" Jack said putting down his fork and wiping off his mouth.

We got up and walked to the front; Jack shelled out the bill and then walked out into the rain. The car started and we began to drive once again.  
"Jack where are we going?"

"I don't know, but my great, great grandfather lived somewhere around here, I'm just not sure where"  
"How long are we going to drive?"  
"I don't know"  
"We don't have money to stay anywhere"  
"I know" As we were driving down the ominous looking road, we came upon a sign that said Lerwick's Mill.

Jack turned on to the road; tree branches hit the wind shield, the result of many years of neglect.

"What are we doing here?"  
"There it is. The old Lerwick's Mill. This is the place I was talking about that use to belong to my great, great grandfather"

"Does anyone live here?"

"Not for about 50 years they haven't, after he died in 1960 no one came back."

"So what are we doing here"  
"This is where we're going to stay"  
"Here? Is it even safe" I said.

"This place has been through more than any other building I've ever seen, besides it's out of the way and it doesn't cost anything With a few touch ups and cleaning it should be just like home"

"I guess" We pulled up in the gravel drive way and Jack stopped the car.

He got out and walked up to the door. The old wooden steps were decomposing and creaked. Threatening to break with every step. Jack took something out of his pocket and began to pick the lock.

He was able to break the rusted lock in no time and the door swung open. The place smelled like death. It was musty and most likely infested with spiders and rodents.

"Follow me" he said picking up a flash light and turning it on.

The foyer's wall paper was pealing and faded. Old wooden stairs led up to the second floor. On the right was a study with furniture covered in dust covers.

"Luckily when he did pass, we covered everything with dust covers so the furniture should be ok" he said.

The kitchen was semi-clean for 50 years of not being attended to.

"There's a well out back. The city keeps it up to code, so it should be fine"  
"Yeah"

The living room had an old couch and TV set that looked like it came out of the 40's. Jack led me upstairs. There was a bathroom, which most likely did not work, and two bed rooms.

One was the master, which had a huge queen bed with dusty sheets.

"I'm pretty sure there are sheets in that cabinet" Jack said.

I walked over and opened it. Sure enough there were sheets and surprisingly they weren't dusty and didn't smell at all. Jack grabbed some and put them on the bed.

"There, good as new" he said putting the dusty ones over to the side.

"The door's been closed so I doubt that anything's been able to get up here" he said smoothing the sheets out.

"Yeah" Jack sat down on the bed before laying back.

"Come on, I know you're tired"  
"What are you going to do about money?"  
"I'm sure I can do odd jobs around here and if not, I can work at the diner"  
"Yeah, I guess" I said sitting down next to him.

"Jack"  
"Yeah"  
"I wanted you to be my first, I really did"  
"Believe me, I wanted to be your first too"

"It hurts me that he could say he loved me. God I'm so stupid for believing that bull shit" I said, tears falling down my face.

"You're not stupid Lilly"  
"Yes, I am Jack"  
"Lilly, I love you more than anything in the world, do you not know what I would go through to make you happy, to see you smile again"

"I don't think I can ever smile again"  
"Then I wouldn't rest until you do" he said facing me.

He stroked my hair back out of my face. His touch felt so amazing.  
"Jack, can I ask you something?"  
"Sure"

"Fix me"  
"What?"  
"Fix me" I repeated myself.

"Okay, but I don't know how I can tonight"  
"No, I don't' wanna feel like this anymore. I want to be loved. I want to feel it in every fiber of my body, I want it to just be the two of us together tonight" His eyes widened.

"Are you sure, you must be so tired"  
"I don't care, I want you" I said.

"I want you too" Jack said smiling.  
"Then take me"

"I love you" he said before bringing our lips together.

His hands were shaking and so were mine. Clothes became piles on the floor and bodies became wrapped together. In that moment I felt loved.

The pain was proof I was alive, the pleasure proof that I'd survived. That we both had. I held onto him tight. Afraid if I didn't he'd slip away.

"I love you" he finally said.

"I love you too" I echoed.

His arms around me under the sheets, everything felt so right, as we both laid there in dead silence.

His tattered wings were wrapped around me, still on edge from the fight. We were no longer too innocent teenagers who were oblivious to the world around them. We knew the true meaning of evil. We'd fought for our lives, and maybe still were.

In this strange twisted hell of a life, things were perfect. What I didn't know was that although we may have thought we had won, the battle had just begun. A battle that started with a deal was still raging on. I should have known our happiness could never last.

Dead Silence book one –End-

