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DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to Mrs. Esther.O Fatomilola, all responsible single parents and every Child on the streets globally in one handicapped situation or the other. I challenge you to live up to your creator's expectations, rise from obscurity and become the hope of the world.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

It is indeed a source of appreciation to doff my hat for God who made this dream a reality. I thank Him for everything. I also wholeheartedly thank my Father, Gabriel Fatomilola, the one who launched the Path that led me to where I am today, without him and his significant role played, there might not be this revelation in your hand.

I thank you sincerely sir, Prophet Ayinde Folorunsho Agboluaje, pages of textbooks cannot indepthly describe your hearty love made known to me in those times I had no life. Your chastisement and reprimands though were demotivating at first but later became an inoculation I have lived on.

My Queen, my precious Treasure and in whom my life was dependent on those years, Esther Oluwafunmilayo Fatomilola, dedicating this write up to you won't help me extend how much I am grateful for your sacrifices.

Oluwole Moses Fatomilola, honestly words have failed me as I attempted eulogizing you in this note because my heart gets expanded every second, I remember your unflinching support. Looking back through the pages of life history, Mr., and Mrs. Olusoga Osinfisan will forever receive my thanks offering. I thank Mr Lateef Ogunbajo and Family. My accolades to Mrs. Sherifat Shogunle. To my cousins, uncles, and aunties both distant and near, I say an emphatic thanks to you all. I thank Mr. and Mrs. Morouf Adeoti for their love!

Any attempt to forget Olumide Ezekiel Adelugba must be a regrettable error because he is the most loyal friend I have had till today, his concerns for this work was too enormous that made it impossible for me to feel demotivated when the need came.

Everlasting thanks to Amure Esther, Sola Dada, Temitope Adenuga, Abraham Ojeniyi, Ibiyinka Sidikatu Bello and Ayowole Olamijulo for checking on me with calls, text and on social networks to see the successful completion of the manuscript.

May Heaven reward the great love showered on me by Emedien Christian and the Ebonyi rural rugged Family (Nccf, Ebonyi chapter).

I celebrate and appreciate Adedeji Rebecca Oluwadamilola for her unique support during the conception of this work. Special appreciation to my secondary school classmate and a brother from another parents, Badmus Yusuf, who from time to time designed the cover page of this revelation you are going through.

I don't think this write up would have been error-free if not for the painstaking effort exerted by Adetola Lateef, for this I chant immeasurable thanks, dear!

Conclusively, I thank my Pastor, my Publisher and my mentor, Pastor Olusegun Augustus. You have proved to me, the love a father can lavish on the child. And God has also used you to help me achieve a long-stalled dream. May God bless you and your family sir. the giver of life and the provider of all life's good gifts, the Almighty God!
FOREWORD

We are living in a generation and time where people, mostly youths, are faced with several challenges that may not allow them to maximize their potentials. They live in shades of this side of eternity mostly not as a fault of theirs, but walls created by religion, tradition, immorality, broken homes, genetic make-ups, mediocrity and so on. These circumstances restrict them to a limit they cannot go beyond in life.

In Genesis 27: 38 – 40, the Scriptures relate a dialogue between Isaac and his elder son Esau; "And Esau said to his father, 'Have you only one blessing, my father? Bless me, me also, O my father?' His father Isaac answered him; your dwelling will be away from the earth's riches, away from the dew of heaven above. You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will break his yoke from off your neck"

Many people, like Esau, have a life programmed for difficulties. A life characterized by lack, pain, fear, hopelessness, poverty, disease, failure and so on. To break the bars of these prisons, they must be willing to go beyond conventional means. Esau was told by his father the secret of breaking free from this yoke- he had to be tired of it and grow restless by making conscious effort to breakthrough.

The Handicapped Hero provides the secret for many people who would have become great in this generation but restricted by various circumstances that were self-imposed or no fault of theirs. In the book, the author identified faulty marital foundation and family relationship as some of the genesis that incapacitate many in their life journey. And some of these limitations are self-imposed. In the narrated story, the book went on to enumerate various repercussions of the characters choices, the hazardous journey they toed, and prices paid to survive.

So, The Handicapped Hero is not about teachings capable of deifying man or seeing him as the sole architect of his misfortune. Rather, the book provides to everyone an anti-dote to breakout of all limitations through hard work, not accepting to live within the confined wall of their challenges and by having absolute faith in God of all possibilities.

It is a pleasure to foreword this book due to its down to earth and practical illustrations of personal experience of the author. Also, I see the writing of this book as timely and relevant to the present social, economic, and psychological situations of most people, especially the youths in our country, Nigeria, and the world in general. Today, many live-in penuries, forced into drugs, prostitution, terrorism, kidnapping and many other evil vices just because they choose to live within the conferment of their limitations.

However, The Handicapped Hero, prompt us not to accept or be comfortable with any adverse circumstances we may find ourselves but to be tired of them and make conscious efforts to make a success of our lives. In other words, we should not allow our circumstances dictate our outcome.

I recommend this book for you because I have assurance that it will make you a hero of your handicaps like Ezekiel Adewale Fatomilola.

Pastor Olusegun Augustus

Senior Pastor

Foursquare Gospel Church, Ojokoro, Lagos.

INTRODUCTION

For most of the existence of the world, it has never been voided of handicapped generation nor has unrest generally vacated its space. Many people who would have become great in life have been subjected to physical, mental, and emotional challenges that curbed their unique strength. Many of these lads are terribly mistreated for the repulsive conditions they didn't put themselves in. Cobhams Asuquo's name rings a bell when it comes to ability in disability. He is a musician, songwriter, producer of some outstanding talents in the Nigerian music industry, and the Chief Executive Officer of CAMP (Cobhams Asuquo's Music Production) however, he was born blind.

According to the Thesaurus dictionary definition, handicapping is the condition of being unable to perform because of physical or mental unfitness; "reading disability " or "hearing impairment". Psychology profession sees Handicapping as one of the major reasons, individuals are not successful. They focus on the one caused by the individual called Self Handicapping.

Research has shown that there are several causes of handicapping as there are many types of handicapping, ranging from health to financial, physical to emotional and so on and so forth.

Handicapping caused by impaired health can manifest in loss of sight, inability to think, learning disorder and many more. Anyone who suffers from learning disorder might not be able to hold a degree because learning is a relatively permanent change in behavior caused by exposure or experience and inability to acquire this makes going to school impossible. Most of these people possess 20% and 50% IQ. Some learning disorders have however been related not only to biological dysfunction, some are also caused by heredity and some malnutrition. Which means if we are to search for the major cause of handicapping, the family is a major etiology.

Family is rooted on the marriage institution, so if a man with hyperactive learning disorder marries a woman whose family is also a carrier of this disorder, there is every tendency one or more of their children will suffer from hyperactive learning disorder or even worsen mental disorder.

The role of marriage and family institutions can never be overemphasized in the life of a child. The gene and chromosomal formation of a child is dependent on the father and the mother. For instance, if the mother and father suffer from mental disorder, the child is prone to this by the virtue of genetic transfer. Although, environmental factors also have key roles to play but the genetical formation of the child is a pivotal foundation. Imagine if the foundation be destroyed!

Another factor that leads to handicapping in a foetus or infant is the condition the mother was while carrying the pregnancy or nurturing the baby after birth. What the mother feeds on while carry the baby is also of a significant importance, the mood of the mother while carrying the foetus, the environment and what the baby feeds on eventually when he or she is birthed is highly pertinent. It is quite unfortunate that in this part of the world that every anomaly is spiritually interpreted. When a child is cognitively impaired or physically challenged, we relate it to "the witch and wizards" in his family. For instance, a child birthed with fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) which exhibits symptoms like round face, protruded stomach and so on is not caused by the witches or wizards but by the alcohol addicted mother who drank while pregnant.

The mood of the mother also goes a long way in affecting the growing embryo. The food the mother eats which is shared with the growing child also determines the growth of the embryo both mentally and physically. So imagine if the pregnant mother drinks garri or in some worse cases took nothing, how will the rapidly growing embryo develop the endoderm, ectoderm or mesoderm cells that would produce a fine skin, a well develop nervous and endocrine systems and what nutrient will those billions of neurons in the brain be built on?

The death of many families and dissolution of many marriages are not helping matters. I hope you know that families are dying all over the world and innocent products of these premature marriages are being subjected into handicapping situations such as the ones mentioned by the victims in the book you are about to read. Children who come from single parent households do suffer significant long-term psychological damage. They do but coping skill differs from situation to situation.

For instance, Demo and Acock (1991), reported that in mother-only families, children tend to experience short-term and long-term economic and psychological disadvantages; higher absentee rates at school, lower levels of education, and higher dropout rates (with boys more negatively affected than girls); and more delinquent activity, including alcohol and drug addiction. Adolescents on the other hand, are more negatively affected by parental discord prior to divorce than by living in single-parent families and gain in responsibility as a result of altered family routines. Children in single-mother homes are also more likely to experience health-related problems because of the decline in their living standard, including the lack of health insurance (Mauldin 1990).

Later, as children from single-parent families become adults, they are more likely to marry early, have children early, and divorce. These of course are evident in Anuoluwapo. Girls are at greater risk of becoming single mothers as a result of non-marital childbearing or divorce (McLanahan and Booth 1989). Although, the research findings are mixed on long-term effects, most children adjust and recover and do not experience severe problems over time (Coontz 1997).

Reports of Wallerstein and Blakeslee (1989), also provides support for the above-mentioned fact. The loss of a father in the family can have implications beyond childhood.

One obnoxious thing about this irrational decision of these immature parents is that many are just after satisfying each their sexual urges but when it leads to pregnancy, they attempt developing love that never existed. Some of these so-called parents are still struggling to feed themselves, they wear rags and have an obscured future. The unfortunate pregnancy that eventually come into existence will make them establish an unplanned future. Some of them without option of avoiding marriage go on to illegally settle down at the end of the day the growing infant if he or she fortunately survives the effect of contraceptives.

Have you ever wondered who gave birth to the toddlers you see hawking on the streets? Does it tear your heart apart about the sexual abuse of children of age 5, 6 and above in the slum? How about those 4year old orphans who are house maids? Who do you think made those children who are supposed to be in school learning to be on the streets hawking? Bukola said, "I doubt if I was not born with tray contained with goods on my head, because I have carried this throughout my life." Meaning those you see selling Gala on Ore road, Iwo road and every nook and cranny of Nigeria might do that for the rest of their lives?

That's tentative because Anuoluwapo overcame it. He blatantly told the mother he wouldn't continue to bear the scourge she inflicted on him and his brother. He designed a road map, he worked for it and everything good came when he made efforts. Of course, before Anuoluwapo several others had been inflicted by the scourge of handicapping. For instance, Barrack Obama, Jefferson, Malcolm X among others who are men of great recognition today.

FATOMILOLA EZEKIEL ADEWALE

August, 2015

Chapter One

THE EVOLUTION OF HANDICAPPING

Things weren't going well again for Yinka, a young businessman and father of two. His business proposals were being rejected and projects were dancing to the tune of stagnancy. He was taken to the herbalist's place by his brother Olu, for consultation. He wanted to know why his life had deviated from the trend of progress it used to have until the birth of his youngest child Anuoluwapo.

It was in the early hours of Monday, 15th of February when Yinka left home without even informing his wife Bukola of his itinerary.

"A young wizard is residing with you" said the Ifa priest. A young wizard? How can? Where from? Those were the questions running around in the mind of the confused and perplexed young man. After a while he found his voice and said, "Wise one please shed more light on this issue. We are just four in my house, my wife, two sons and me. So, where on earth did the young wizard come from?"

Moved by the plight of the mystified young man the Ifa priest had to hit the nail on the

"Your youngest son is a wizard, an agent of your wife's evil group. He is the one responsible for your misfortunes. His mission is to leave you wretched! In short, he has less than ten years on this planet, that's why he started the work so early". The words sent a chill down Yinka 's spine.

"Wait, baba, do you mean to say my wife is a ..." he stuttered

"Your wife is a witch!" Olu cut in without even allowing the stammering Yinka to land.

Yinka stood up furiously and headed for the exit without saying a word to neither the herbalist nor his brother goodbye.

"Follow your brother and make sure he doesn't harm anyone" the old man instructed. With that Olu stood up thanked the Ifa priest, apologized on Yinka's behalf and immediately joined his brother who was waiting impatiently inside the car and they sped off. Yinka wished the road leading back to Lagos would be shortened as he could not wait to get away from all of this and be home.

### ****************

It was 9:47 pm when Bukola carried Anuoluwapo who had slept off on the sofa in the sitting room and laid him carefully in the bedroom. Then she returned to her earlier position at the window looking out for any slight shadow of her husband. Thinking aloud she said, "What's happening? Why is he not back yet? I just hope all is well."

Bukola was worried but she was in a deep struggle with sleep as her eyelids were very heavy. However, she decided to win the war against sleep and not go to bed until her husband returned.

'Olu, it's very late already. I'm sure the Witch isn't even aware I am in the neighbourhood already'. Yinka said to his brother as he made to leave. He had followed Olu to his place after they left the herbalist because the latter had insisted that he stayed and relaxed to ease his tension and cool his fury in order not to harm his wife and child as the old man instructed them. They had gone to their usual relaxation centre, a bar and pepper soup joint.

They ate fish pepper soup and drank some beer. In spite of all the attractions at the bar including the football highlights that were being shown on the teevee, the fury in Yinka's heart burned like a fiery furnace so much that even the oceans put together cannot quench it.

"Don't do anything rash. Do all you can to stay calm and if the situation gets too much for you, you can come back here." Olu implored Yinka as he was seeing him off.

"I'll do my best and I pray it will be enough. Thank you for everything." With that he drove off.

### ***********

"At last, my husband is back", she thought and tried to compose herself as she walked up languidly to open the door for him, after an eight-hour watch in expectant of him. "Welcome sweetheart, but where have you been? "

"Ehn? Did I just hear you say sweetheart? Oh! Sweet blood you definitely meant! The cupboard is opened, and the skeletons are exposed. Oh! Only if the hen could stop the wind from exposing her rump!!!"

The words flew out of Yinka's mouth like a bird freed from a cage. He pushed her aside as he went straight inside remembering the promise, he made to Olu to let the night pass before acting on the issue. Bukola stood there confused like a child lost in the jungle.

What is happening? When did he start drinking to the extent of being drunk? He has to explain this. Imagine the effrontery! He came in very late and started barking instead of apologising.

"Yinka! Yinka!! You must definitely explain this nonsense". Bukola shouted as she dashed off to the room. Yinka was surprised at the audacity with which she was talking. 'Even God will understand when I deal with this woman' he said angrily. Bukola opened the door to the bedroom and before she could say one of her rehearsed verses, he pounced on her like a hungry lion would pounce on a goat and gave her the beating of her life.

"So, you can be so impudent! Wait for me to bring the explanation! You beautiful cannibal!" He said angrily as he bolted to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, the hullabaloo had woken their two sons who were not even aware their father was back. "Mummy, why are you crying? Who beat you?" asked Femi the eldest of the two boys. They had already started crying. Bukola quickly carried Anu and started petting him while rivulet of tears gushed out of her battered face. Yinka came back into the room and when he saw her carrying Anu, the three-year-old last child of the union in her hand dropped to the ground in surprise.

"Very Good! Communion of the evil ones. Just take that package of destruction you call a son and evacuate my house immediately. Do not let me return and meet you two. Enough is enough! Femi, follow me." He ordered. Bukola was astonished by these strange acts of her husband. She prayed it was a bad dream and someone would wake her any moment. She could not obey nor disobey; she remained glued to the spot not knowing what to do or where to go.

The husband returned with a cutlass in his hand, shouting and bragging like a wounded lion. She ran frightfully into the street, in a very close stall, she sat down looking at the hand of time sluggish it was as she cried and endured the inflicted pains of the mosquitoes with her last son in her hand.

After the long hours watch, the night guard on duty was about closing for the night. As usual before packing up for the night, he went on his patrol and astonished with what he saw. ''Mummy Femi '' the octogenarian called, flashing the light in her direction, she felt drowsy, and it was obvious she had been denied of sleep.

"What's happening? What are you doing here? Why are you here? Where is your husband? Is all well?" The questions kept pouring in, she had no idea which one to answer first but the very first attempt to speak, huge fat tears oozed out of eyes. The man had no clue of what happened but led her home as they spoke on their way back to her abode with the belief that all would be solved, and tranquility could come to stay.

The wonders continued to enlarge in Bukola's mind as her husband rebuffed the elderly Night- guard's plea, he chased both of them out. "You need to invite your family, or go to someone who he listens to, in other for peace to reign". He advised.

However, he remained dismayed about the matter having gone alone to the husband when the day broke, Yinka still did not entertain any advice. The man understood so well the wise book that says, "Let not many of you become teachers, knowing that as such shall incur a stricter judgment. Since their conversation could not turn to conversion, he left him to his fate.

The words of her father became clear to Bukola as she came out of his brother in law's house who had equally chased her out, refusing to grant her the audience. The father had always said

"You won't understand the danger of mystery until you have misery." She carried Anuoluwapo on her back and walked around with the night gown and bathroom slippers she managed to wear when he sent her out. Her phone rang, she sluggishly picked it, "I AM AROUND, MEET ME IN YOUR HOUSE" the deep voice commanded.

On getting to her house, she met her husband and Tade, her brother arguing on top of their voices. "It's not your fault, I don't really see anything wrong in desiring happiness, but horrendous problems like this develop when we become disobedient to obtain it."

"It was totally her fault', Tade said as he burst out in fury.

"Pack your things and follow me, if he insists on his decision that won't be an end to your life, it will only be a lesson for you and every other young lady out there."

He sped off immediately the luggage were put in the vehicle, while on the way to the brother's house, her heart bled and she cried uncontrollably, it dawned on her as the picture appeared clear. Of course, he who pays the piper determines the tune. She struggled with the excessive thoughts that ran through her mind.

One said"Jump off the vehicle and die to avoid further hardship, the other said go back home and slug it out with him after all you both owned the house and the allegiance to be one, he can't now singlehandedly opt out of the union.'' On their way, Tade was talking to her but she didn't hear a word he didn't know until he asked her," Who attacked who first? ", when he got no response, he shouted her name and she came back to the present.

"Things happened this way because you gave room for it and you are a major part of the problem, unfortunately you must take yourself along". Tade advised as he continued driving at that point his anger had cooled off.

He had resorted into advising her and thinking of how to make her come out of the problem, so she could live her life, he continued saying, "THERE IS NOTHING MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN A WOMAN WHO CARRIES HERSELF LIKE A QUEEN AND WEARS HER CONFIDENCE LIKE A CROWN! ROYALTY OR NOT, DIGNITY AND RESPECT ARE EVERY WOMAN'S BIRTHRIGHT. MIND YOU, RESPECT IS EARNED AND NOT BARGAINED.

You have to put yourself together." he concluded. But Bukola knew she was in the greatest danger of her life and she knew she wasn't safe with her brother's advice.

### *********

Elsewhere, Yinka was more than happy; his enemies had vacated his life. His senses had never been that alive, neither had his adrenalin ever surged in such manner. He could almost hear blood rushing through his veins because he was more than ecstatic, his enemies had been vanquished.

He gingerly took off his clothes, off he went to the bathroom, had a bath after which he went to his brother's house, where he intended having the victorious feast. Today is different in his life, he had just won a long time battle, he said to himself, "everything will begin to fall in place, business will begin to flourish and contract will be falling in, in fact, I will demolish this structure and build a new house because the witch need to see the transition in my life."

It's true that the company a man keeps determines the kind of life he lives. If only things got better, your guess would have been good as mine that the soothsayer was not lying.

The aftermath of the revelation and actions taken by Yinka had thwarted his family, destroyed his business and made him homeless, yet he chose for himself another wife and for his son, Femi, a stepmother.

Bukola left her brother and his family after staying with them for some months. The brother's wife had consistently showed negative actions and attitude towards. This young woman was moving from one place to the other to start a new life. She located one of her aunties, related by blood but had never been very close, she explained herself and because blood is thicker than water, she rallied round Bukola and helped find herself again. She gave her room to be free again; she had enough to do and had no time to dwell on the problems of her past. She and her acclaimed evil child lived with Mrs. Balogun, who was a renowned grocery retailer. She had a very big shop and ten customer attendants were not even sufficient for the ever-increasing market she controlled as a result Bukola had her hands full.

As times went on, Bukola found solace in her work and her happiness was restored. Three-year-old Anuoluwapo had no clue what the mother had recently passed through, he had quickly adapted to the new environment, and in a matter of weeks became the customers' favorite. The customers took turns giving gifts to the little boy. Sometimes, they bought him things at other times, they tipped the mother. Life had gradually become fun for both mother and child, although, worries still lingered in Bukola's heart. She always worried about her other child, Femi. She worried about his physical, mental, emotional, medical, and spiritual welfare. She wondered if the boy still prays as she taught him to and about his education.

This recurring thought made Bukola embark on a spy journey. She travelled back to her husband's house to check on her first child, ignoring any concern of what Yinka might be doing with his life. After the plan had been concluded, Bukola finally arrived at her former abode and to her utmost shock, the house had been sold and the husband's second wife had taken to her heels for greener pasture. Unlike what the Neighbours were expecting, she was unperturbed about everything she was told, she however finished the discussion with a question of where her son was taken to.

After months of endless search, mother and son were reunited. She decided to make an unusual visit to her husband's closest friend, Thomas. On getting there, she saw what seemed to be ghost of her son. The lad was in a terrible condition as the lad had lost weight seriously and had grown pale. Malnourished he looked; she was perplexed and felt ashamed of what has become of her family.

Anyone who knew Bukola six years before her union with Yinka would not only testify she has failed in life; the person would also be able to point out how she had been defeated by life's struggle. In her youth, she had envisaged a glamorous wedding ceremony well attended by all and sundry. The then beautiful young lady had not only thought of an outstanding and historic wedding, she had worked towards having a haven, she wanted a home void of unrest, a home with all the things that children needed. Fast-forwarding those seasons of illusionary dreams and facing what has come to stay. She had been deluded by emotions, she had given in to empty destiny, and she had danced before the commencement of the festival. She had eaten the forbidden fruit; she had refused to sheath her sword and she had been put to death by it. She was more of a dead woman walking; she had given her glory to a strange man.

Taking a glance view of what brought Yinka and Bukola together, she was enticed by things that mattered not and the matter itself became much mattered than she could handle. She was just 17 when she had her first relationship, something she had kept sacred and abstained from, how the short Rudy looking man won her heart was even unknown to her, but as they would say, love found her. She became Juliet but her Romeo sent her packing when the ravaging storm came.

Getting Bukola hand in marriage was well strategized and with a strong diabolical method employed time and time again till she fell. She fell prey of a man who is caring but has around him hoodlums, whose job is to steal others joy. They helped Yinka in getting her to bed without knowing anything about each other, shameful to her; she lost her pride, gave her dignity to a total stranger, and as expected has shattered her dream of a happy marriage.

She was not only will paralyzed; she was momentarily handicapped. She was outgunned, defeated and all odds were against her. She went into the marriage handicapped; she also came out through the same window she passed when going in.

Bukola by the virtue of unsteadfastness in her dreams, weariness in her belief and lack of trust in herself cast her destiny on someone who was not of like mind, someone who was rather a chameleon and she watched her hard-earned glory drain away. She shamelessly walked out of the stage and had no ovation as she had dreamt and birth an evolution of handicapping for the wards.

Chapter Two

ANALYSIS OF THE EVOLUTION OF THE HANDICAPPING

Marriage is a social institution in which a man and a woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitment and or religious ceremonies. Marriage is part of the natural progression into adulthood. A medium of achieving independence and an identity distinct of one's parents and kin.

According to Ariyo, Marriage is a legal union between a man and a woman as husband and wife, which further connotes matrimony, wedlock, Alliance, association, and union. And if all these prerequisites are to be met, certain constituents are to be taken into cognizance for a conjugal bliss to take place, such as companionship, social integration of both parties, mutual commitment, mutual growth and a subsequent approved sexual union.

Unlike the above defined phenomena, Yinka and Bukola had no legal commitment nor religious allegiance but instead acknowledged the approved sexual union of a marriage. They were carried away by their emotions forgetting the reality of life after the sexual intercourse.

According to Thomas, Marriage is more than physical attractions, biological union, and social integration. Even though necessities of life were yet to be attained, Yinka wanted a premature affair which eventually landed him an unplanned connubial.

He had not even learned how to put food on his own table, regularly change his wardrobe and securely win a future for himself when he had started calculating how to win Bukola in bed. While he was supposed to learn the principles that could help his marriage to grow when he ultimately attains that level, he was busy chasing the wind.

He kept around him unwanted people who served as agent of distraction for his life and made him have no quality time with his wife, which was supposed to be a preventive factor against the asunder that later came their way. He didn't only fail in testing what he was told nor sieve it, he also failed to apply wisdom. He learnt helplessness because he handicapped himself with what was obviously out of reality.

Since he allowed himself to be dragged into the union, it was evident the union would be controlled from outside. Assertiveness as a behavior is said to be a defense mechanism an individual portrays to stand for himself, to know and achieve his right and to take cognizance of the need to strike a balance between his immediate partner and the third party. But instead he gave empathy to family members at the expense of his hard-earned union and spouse.

Gentlemen and ladies, this is no imaginary situation, it is reality. If you are a husband, know that you are in a war leading your family through the chaos of the ever-increasing hazards of modernization. Research has it that one out of two marriages ends in divorce. The median age for divorce is thirty - four for men and thirty for women.

Unfortunately, many couples like Yinka and Bukola didn't even reach that age before their union collapsed.

What is it you are doing to rip your marriage off the casualty list? Perhaps you are even a product of broken home or you have seen divorce hit your friend? Some marriages do not need the expertise of an astrologer to predict the abrupt end of such union.

For instance, I once had a talk with a senior colleague in my last days in the University; he was in his early thirties, an expectant father but unmarried. He was a PhD student who impregnated one of his childhood friends with a less privileged academic background compared to this guy. He has been in the business world for several years after his first degree and he took up a job with one of the most renowned I. T firms in Lagos. He appeared to be a committed Christian with a big growing heart for God.

As we were talking, I mentioned a movie which I saw recently, the movie preached how to be a man over a home and effectively manage such home. He burst in, '' I HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE. A FRIEND SHARED IT WITH ME, I HAVE NEVER LEARNT MUCH FROM A MOVIE THAN I DID FROM THAT MOVIE. IT WAS SO INTERESTING, WELL DIRECTED AND WELL ACTED TO THE EXTENT THAT I WATCHED IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. INFACT, IT HAS HELPED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER." He submitted.

Within me I thought he was referring to the woman he kept in the family way, this remained until he continued after our long interaction that, "WE NOW STUDY TOGETHER, REMEMBER WE ARE RUNNING A SIMILAR PROJECT AND SHE HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL THAT HARDLY DOES A DAY GO BY THAT I DON'TLEARN A NEW THING FROM HER. SHE'S BEEN MY ALL."

At that instance, I was forced to ask if he had changed his mind about the woman he impregnated. "OFCOURSE NOT. "He replied hoarsely. I couldn't stop the questioning further, even if I was going to stop, my inquisitive zeal as a journalist then didn't allow me. I dug out more responses pointing to his diversion and backsliding.

He had been coveting her and they had been cheating on each other's partners respectively without it being obvious to them.

From the conversation, I got to know that he had lost much interest in the woman he planned to marry because she was not a graduate. Though I was not married but made him know the fire on the mountain, because the woman he was seeing was legally married to a man she married on condition, and if he doesn't take an immediate action to back out he would find himself to blame.

For the rest of the conversation, the psychology graduate gazed out the window like a man looking for a bus that was an hour late. However, I admire his humility and teachable spirit.

While there is grave concern for you and me to be on the watch, it is also pertinent that pro actions be taken and necessary plans which will make you and your spouse indivisible.

You must know that you can't have a successful union if you have someone with a different agenda. Families are dying all over the world today because the team members are working in isolation rather than work together. Yinka knew that his wife had an idea of what was happening to his business, yet he chose to find solace outside his family.

Division can never set into a family without first dividing the husband and wife. And this is where those against the unity of such couple will channel their efforts and concentrate their strategy called "Divide and Conquer". Who took Yinka to the herbalist? The brother?

This brother had no family of his own, why on earth would he want others around him to be family focused?

This brother lived in a rented apartment, why would he derive joy in the progress of his younger brother? Some of you reading this book don't have to use your imagination to understand this scenario because you have witnessed how saboteurs sabotaged families and disappear.

If both partners were the only victims of their actions and inactions it would have been a benefit of their efforts, but they inflicted indelible 'marks' on the young lads who were products of the four years "window marriage"

At the very point Bukola was sent out, she was crying and yelling at her husband who was standing with machete ready to cut her pieces. The woman must have had a bit of relief when the brother came to her rescue.

Despite the gentleman approach by Bukola's brother, it didn't stop the husband who remained determined from thwarting his union and separate his children. Without any emotions, he told her to carry "her own child", the last born and he took the first born with him.

Femi, the first child stood in the doorway, watched his parents acting drama. His eyes couldn't leave the two faces as he observed with innocence the two people, he loved most tore each other apart.

The last child of the Union, Anuoluwapo fell to the ground with the shock that took over the woman when she sighted her husband with machete. He rolled on the floor, cried at intervals, and clutched the toy in one hand and drew the hem of the mother's gown with the other hand. The only comfort he received was the shedding of combination of blood and tears from the mother's battered face. Of course, he did not have an idea of the ongoing incident.

Look, you may not have experienced this, but strange things happen! These were people who confessed and professed love to each other some four years back before the arrival of the kids. The factors associated with marital stability vary considerably according to different lovers or spouse.

Sometimes it may be age, the duration of the marriage while at other times it may be personality traits or experiences. Some marriages may be destroyed by ineffective communication like that of Yinka and Bukola, but their major problem was the foundation on which the union was established. This foundation promoted exchange of negative behaviour, intransigence and secrecy. Thus, making the woman the evil doer.

Every marriage established on mistrust tends to be threatened with lack of trust which brought about physical and emotional detachment from the man and remained inexplicable to the woman.

It is important for single men and women reading this that being in the prime age of marriage doesn't mean they should mess around while trying to choose.

Do not sort, select and choose with intention of ephemeral things the man or woman you love has got. Remember you will live with character and not beauty nor eloquence. Although these factors are important but are not the major factors.

Putting a woman to bed before marriage or having sex with her outside marriage is not only a breach of God's command, it also comes with the responsibility of sharing of the woman's burden and her spirituality.

For the married, it is not that couples will not disagree but when disagreement occurs, third party should not be brought in. Some couples are also fond of disagreeing for a very long time. Disagreement in marriages should lead to agreement to bring stability in the union.

It is quite understandable that some married couple are worse than others.

However, it would have done this family a great good if the children were considered and not involved in the disagreement episodes.

Yinka thought myopically exactly the way some boys who have accidentally turned men behave nowadays. He was deceived about his wife who was not a witch when he had nothing, when they were having sex, when they had their first child but all of a sudden became a witch when a slight recurring downward trend was recorded in his business. He was misled because he gullibly believed the concoction and instead things became worsen than they were even after the departure of Bukola.

Finally, it is important we all know that nothing good comes easy and every married couples that must together stand the test of time happily must be un-moved when the storm comes. You need to know that Marriage involves total commitment, sacrificing oneself to one's partner, and taking responsibility that lead to mutual well-being.

Marriage celebration may differ from culture to culture and religion to religion. However, most people enter into it with the right expectation, joy, and happiness with full sense of accomplishing the purpose for which marriage was established. We need to bear in mind that marriage is usually contracted amidst joy, happiness and merry - making for the couple, family members and friends.

But why thy Joy of so many marriages turn sour suddenly may be because they lack the ability to face the challenges and problems that arose, while some of them are yet to understand the factors that bring marital stability because they have failed to plan for the accidental journey they found themselves in.

The unfortunate thing about this unrest or challenge is that when they happen, instead of suppressing ego and calling each other to address the matter, some pretend as if all is well, while others go outside the family to find solution where none exists.

Anyone who looks for marriage must have a degree of maturity. By knowing before-hand that marriage comes with storm and understanding those things that bring marital satisfaction and family oneness. Some have gone out of their way to remain in the marriage unhappy, despite different episodes of physical abuse and yet still move on in the marriage.

There is no doubt that this awareness of some specific factors according to which people could forecast the success or failure of their marriage will help them take notice of their usefulness, in order to achieve a greater level of adjustment. It is true that no one marries with the intention of failing, but the secret of a successful marriage does not lie in luck and there is some basic consideration for each of the spouses.

Marriage, like any social system requires a variety of preparations, such as the ability of the person to be responsible so as to deliver the incredible and achieve the unachievable marital success in order to avoid birthing further handicapping situations.

Chapter Three

### THE ROUGH ROAD OF LIFE

It was already evening when Gbenga; a bachelor and one of the occupants of 34 Mary Allen Street, Papa Ajao, Lagos got back from work and was preparing dinner. He came back with two kegs, one contained kerosene and the other petrol. His room was the closest to the kitchen behind the garage where vehicles are parked.

The bachelor found it easy to navigate through. He lit the stove as soon as he got to the kitchen but then he remembered there was no kerosene inside it. He went in to get the keg, by then it was dark, and he picked the wrong keg, perhaps due to severe hunger pangs. As he opened the cover, the petrol filled keg attracted the already lit stove.

In less than a second, he was engulfed by fire and writhing on the floor in pain while screaming for help. The whole kitchen had caught up in the inferno, the garage close by had gotten its share and the whole house was totally consumed.

Occupants upstairs didn't even have an idea of what was happening downstairs, until it dawned on them that the building was on fire. Soon as they got the alert, they started running helter-skelter, trying to find an escape route. The fire had taken up the whole house. It had started attracting passersby and there were onlookers including neighbours who had trooped out to see what was happening.

Screams and shouts of help took over the ambience and just as bad news spreads like fire; the whole community had become aware of the unfortunate incident in less than five minutes. People were hastily evacuated, different commands being given by those who took charge of the situation, and actions were taken spontaneously to salvage lives and possible properties.

''Get some water, Call the fire station." One neighbour said.

"Hurry, is there anyone up there?" asked another.

"Bring the extinguisher here" one of the onlookers commanded.

"Call the landlord, tell him his house is blazing" one of the rescuers frantically advised

"Yes, we have done that already, his children were upstairs." one of the neighbours responded.

"Have you rescued everyone?" asked one of the onlookers.

Ping! PING! Make way! Make way! The siren of the ambulance screamed.

"Here comes the Ambulance. There are four casualties." said the man who acted as the

spokesman to the paramedics as soon as they got down.

"Where are they?" the paramedic inquired. The paramedics swung into action immediately

"Hey! See a kid coming from the building" IKUNLE ABIAMO OOOOO!!! "It's Anuoluwapo, he has burnt beyond recognition" Said one of the residents of the house.

Some men around hurriedly ran to him and carried him with the flame after dousing the fire on him with two buckets of water, at that moment he had almost lost consciousness and as soon as they brought him down, he collapsed.

"Wait!!!!" Tell the ambulance to stop. We have got another casualty" Voices yelled.

With speed and much noise, the ambulance took to the street, enrooted the hospital where it came from. The sympathizers filled the air with noise, while agony of damaged properties was on the faces of occupants of the razed house.

As usual, one hour after alerting the fire station, they were yet to arrive at the scene, but neighbors and everyone around were trying to put the fire out. The inferno had done a great damage with the three-story building burning beyond recognition. The street stood still, road was blocked, jam packed with people.

Finally, the van of the firemen came, exactly two hours after they were notified. Abuses of different tribes were thrown at them; the people vehemently expressed their discomfort about the tardy and nonchalant response of the firemen.

Femi, Anuoluwapo's brother came to the scene with two bowls of hot Tuwo (cornmeal prepared and eaten by the northern people of Nigeria). He had gone to buy food for himself and

Anuoluwapo who he left playing in the room before their mother comes back. When he didn't see his brother at the scene, he knew his brother had been one of its victims. The bowls of Tuwo fell from his hands and as he looked on dazedly; he didn't need to be told that their clothes were gone, and all their belongings had been razed by the evil fire.

But the most painful was his brother's life which was at the door of death. He was perturbed, confused and his bloodstream filled with the fear of the unknown. Before now, life itself was horrifying for the six-year-old boy, after the mother had taken him from the father's friend place, where he had been seriously and wickedly dealt with.

"Your brother has been taken to the hospital" one of the neighbours came to offer him solace. He could not stop his already tear-filled eyes as he cried helplessly.

It was fifteen minutes past eleven in the night, the whole street was still busy; people were standing in twos and threes sympathizing with the victims. Many who went to work had returned, while those who had families among the fire victims went to the hospital. The whole street was busy with people of different motives.

While some were there empathized, others came to pilfer. Bukola and her aunty who housed her were now homeless.

"Your son is in coma and it will take God's grace for him to survive." said the Doctor and continued when Bukola didn't say anything.

"He was seriously battered by the fire and he suffered high degree burns. Just take heart, we hope he recuperates soon!" he concluded and left.

She remained glued to the spot, speechless and dumbfounded. It appeared like the world was over for her. As she stood there, many thoughts ran through her mind. There was hardly one experience of her life that didn't cross her mind in that speed of light.

She had the thought she was unconscious and her husband's last words about Anuoluwapo echoed painfully in her head. She finally left for the intensive care unit where her son had been placed on a life support machine. Sitting close to him she started talking to the unconscious boy, "ANUOLUWAPO OMOTOLANI GABRIEL, I have always been your earthly guidance but not your creator, your creator knows what to do with your life.

But leaving me in this condition is automatically fulfilling the wish of those who said you will die soon. Anu, conquer now! You have always been a dogged fighter; you have always come out of all hurdles." She paused as she choked on tears but continued after she had gained a little control of her emotions.

"Remember you finally walked last year after four years being crippled. They said you will never walk, but you walked out of the fire with your own legs without being helped. Omotolani, don't leave me and your brother behind in this state." At this point she could bear it no more and the dam burst. Tears ran down her eyes in rivulets as she lamented throughout the night. But all her words fell dead to the unconscious Anuoluwapo. In the end nature took over as her body became tired and she slept.

Exactly sixteen hours after his placement on the life support machine, 11am on Thursday, September 4th, she had woken up to converse with the unconscious as usual but this time, her words appeared as though she has given up.

She began, "Anuoluwapo, if you have a chance to survive please hear me. I have always believed in you, I had always thought you will become the hero you told me you would, you even brought to me ray of hope that you would reunite me and your father........"

Suddenly the unconscious Anuoluwapo kicked, muttered some incoherent words as he struggled to respond to his mother's lamentations. Bukola screamed and a doctor and two nurses rushed in to see what was happening. The doctor moved closer to the boy to examine him while the nurses were checking the monitor for his vital signs. Anuoluwapo kept muttering unintelligible words, so the doctor had to move his ear close to the sick boy's mouth and he heard him say these words rather weakly, "I WILL NOT DIE." The doctor repeated this to the others in the room and then Bukola jumped for joy.

As if he wanted his mother to hear from him, Anuoluwapo managed to say these words again but louder to everyone's astonishment. She moved closer to him and said, "Thank you my dearest! I knew you wouldn't die. See, I am here and will be here waiting for you until you come back to me my Warrior!" She concluded with tears of joy rolling down her face.

Instantly the doctor and nurses took charge. They asked everyone including the mother whose fears had been somewhat allayed out of the room. As she was leaving, she said, "Fulfill this wish for me, Anu. I won't only like to see you alive again, I would also like to see you walk with your feet, talk coherently and reason even faster than you were before this incident."

Days later he began responding to treatment, but his hitherto good-looking face had been replaced with a scalded one. The live in the child became obvious and what the mother had taught him was made manifest, as he was seen instructing nurses and Doctor to allow them pray before they gave him injections, before he ate and before he took other medical interventions. Everyone in the big Ilupeju hospital soon became aware of his Godliness and moral uprightness.

He spent six months in the hospital, the place that had since then become the mother's abode because she would go to work by 5am and return 11pm. He was moved into the regular ward after a while and the hospital arranged a bed for the mother to sleep on while watching her child. Mother and son became inseparable companions and their relationship blossomed during that period.

Without exaggerations the three-member family had the toughest time after the fire incident. With tears and uncontrolled need to be with his mother, Femi was taken back to the father's friend, the guardian the father had handed him over to. Bukola and Anuoluwapo lived in a rented cubicle filled with mob and paid 20 naira per night. The space the duo slept every night for almost three years was smaller than two of Anuoluwapo size would have contained. Yet, they heeded to life lesson and hope for cure for the rough road of life.

As they came out of one problem, they fell into another. For instance, Anuoluwapo and his friends were playing close to their mothers' shops in Oshodi, though the market was more than filled, yet the children would never miss their way. On this fateful day, the afternoon was a beautiful one especially for kids who had no worries.

Anuoluwapo had climbed a counter belonging to one of the women who wasn't around that day.

A good number of the kids had climbed and jumped down singing, "Iya mi ko le be! Baba mi ko le be! Emi nikan lo le be! Be! Be!! Be!!!" (My mother cannot jump, my father cannot jump, but I am the only one filled with the vigor to jump. Jump, jump, jump).

When Anuoluwapo jumped but wasn't lucky like the other children who had jumped before him. He tumbled down and hit his head hard against the concrete floor, a very sharp object pierced his tongue and a pool of blood his mouth filled. Other children watched in horror and disbelief while onlookers were terrified. The attention of his mother was drawn, another episode of tears began, the sorrow of motherhood surfaced yet again.

She screamed at the top of her voice "Anuoluwapo don't kill me! You are not my only child, why have you brought much pains on me?"

She was restless, she was crying profusely and depressed while the child was rushed to the hospital where the tongue was stitched. For weeks, he was in the hospital, he could neither talk nor eat any spicy food. Another season of night watching began for the mother who was there with him in the hospital.

As soon as he was discharged, the mother took him to his father's friend, where his brother was staying. The journey is far more than distance covered, they only tread a path they are unfamiliar with, bearing in mind the success ahead. Since the journey of life is about the survival of the fittest and being fit for life's adventure is about how much you are willing to go.

"This is where we will be staying henceforth, I hope it is comfortable and fine?" Bukola talking with her sons in their newly rented apartment in Jinowu Street. Mummy will be going to oshodi while you stay here all day. No more stress in the market with mummy, you will have your breakfast and lunch all day, but dinner will be taken when mummy comes"

As Bukola was giving out the speech to Anuoluwapo his heart was being ripped apart. For him, life appeared strange as he couldn't imagine life without his mother, let alone all day in the week. She didn't have idea of what was going on in his mind until he began to cry.

"Anu, what's the matter? Why are you crying?" As soon as Anuoluwapo heard his mother's worried questions the tempo of the weeping increased. Bukola needn't be told that the weeping was as a result of the arrangement to not have him with her all day anymore. Anuoluwapo wouldn't like to bear a second without the mother being in close contact.

"Mummy will only be going to Oshodi every day to fend a living for you and your brother, so you could attend the best school in the community, so you can eat the nourishing meals and at the appropriate time. Mummy is going nowhere, ok?" She spoke to him soothingly.

Day in day out, the new routine fell into place. Bukola would leave by 4am while the children would still be in bed, dropping a note for them informing them on how to go about the day's activities. She would return by 11pm when they would have gone to bed but woke them around 12am to have their dinner.

By this while the kids would have been groggy so they would struggle with the sleep and eat their meal at the same time. It went on like that for days. The absent father-syndrome had crept into the lives of the kids since neither parent could be there for them all in the name of fending for ends meet.

Femi had quickly utilized the freedom in doing things he never would have done if the mother were around, while Anuoluwapo became errand boy for other mothers in the neighbourhood. Whether rain or shine, he would be out running errands for these people. On the days he refused to go he was always maltreated and humiliated among other kids of his age. There is no doubt that this had affected this boy's consciousness as he had quickly changed. Right from time he had been an introvert and hardly talked to other kids, but he was assertive. Parents frowned at his aggressiveness when he handled their kids. The absence of his mother had downed his morale and his assertiveness as a growing child became dwindled daily.

Unknown to Bukola, the money she was seeking to make was at the expense of her growing sons whom she believed had a secure success filled future. In less than a month of consistent night crawling of Bukola due to hold up on Oshodi-Ijaiye road, Femi had become friendly with Sola and Damilola who were brothers of the same mother but different fathers.

They were products of failed marriages and broken homes. Neighbours had confirmed that their mother was in her fifth marriage. There had been rumors that their mother's marital instability had contributed to their misbehavior as growing children. Whenever these two boys entered a house, something valuable must miss. The failure on their academic journey had long discouraged them to continue schooling.

Damilola was said to have even made attempt but gave up after three woeful attempts while the elder brother, Sola didn't even dare more failures. Femi had quickly taken after this duo, he ate with them, slept in their one room apartment, and copied whatever they did.

In no time, Femi became a perfect liar as he told lies after lies without any iota stress. He stole meat from his mother's pot as well as her money.

It was always regrettable for Bukola whenever she mistakenly leaves her purse where Femi could reach it. She thought both children pilfer but did not know the money flew whenever Femi was aware of it. She would punish the two kids and the innocent Anuoluwapo had had no choice but to help bear the brunt of what he knew nothing of. Unfortunately, she was pushing Anu to join the brother in pilfering because the punishment she usually gave them was not giving them food. Eventually, the last-born started coveting others meal. He would sometimes carry a fresh fish the mother bought, squeezed out the blood and ate it raw due to starvation that pitched its tent with him.

At other times, the hunger pangs would be so severe with nothing for these kids to eat. The mother would erroneously conclude that since they were staying with their father's friend the latter would have fed them in her absence.

After all Femi was specifically placed under his care and he promised to take care of him. The truth however is that the father's friend had not been able to successfully cater to his family as they also lived on crumbs. So, this made it difficult for him to provide for Femi and Anuoluwapo besides, he believed their mother cater to them all the time.

Things remained this way for years until Bukola's ears were filled with opinions of neighbours, well-wishers and rumour mongers about the misconduct and waywardness of her children.

"Your children, especially Femi is walking in the counsel of the drug addicts and streets thieves. Criminals are now his friend." And trust rumour, if it's not under reported it will be exaggerated. This spurred the decision of Bukola to quit the Oshodi market.

Even if she was not going to listen to them, the recurring illness of Anuoluwapo and his proximity to death had stimulated this decision. On Sunday, 8th August 2007 Bukola called her children and had heart-to-heart talk with them.

"I have struggled for years with a divided attention in giving all you want my children, and you are the only family members I have. I have in recent times wronged you and misplaced my priorities. I forgot that money without children is poverty. In my foolishness I considered wealth better than you, my bundles of joy. But now, I have concluded plans of a happy reunion with you my lovely sons."

She paused to gauge her children's reaction to the news and was scared by what she saw in Femi. He was totally indifferent to the news and couldn't wait to join his gangs since he knew the mother's presence would hinder his freedom.

Anuoluwapo on the other hand was overjoyed as this was what he had always wanted, to have his mother close by. He knew having his mother work in the neighbourhood meant not running errands from dusk till dawn, enjoying church rather than enduring it since other kids beat him and an end to stigmatization and name-calling by his peers.

Bukola could see these different emotions playing out on her children's faces, she understood Femi's irritation and took all the blame. She however did not allow Femi's attitude to deter her as she continued.

"I will be around all day and ensure all the wrongs are righted and see that the best is delivered to you." Life's hardship will be minimized, and unjustified beating shall be stopped." She said and asked them if they had anything to say. Femi said nothing but Anuoluwapo had a question for the mother.

"Does that mean I won't be called 'Emere' anymore? Since you will be around you will tell Ponle, Ramon and the other children not to call me 'Emere' again?" He asked hopefully.

"Yes, my darling son! I will make sure other kids do not call you such names anymore. I will see to it that you become friends and no running of errands again!" Bukola replied her son fervently and hugged them both affectionately.

Femi reluctantly put his arms around their mother but Anuoluwapo clung to her as if his life depended upon that hug. He had his arms around his mother and his head on her shoulder while in this position he remembered one of the ugly experiences he had had.

The incident was so bad that he could not go to school for some days as he was seriously battered in church during one of the services due to his inability to clap. It was a vigil, but the mother did not attend because she was ceremonially unclean. It is the doctrine of the white garment church that when a woman menstruates, she cannot enter the church or be in the vicinity.

So Bukola sent her children along with their neighbours to attend the night vigil service. At around 2am, the whole church was in praising mood, clapping as the choir was singing and beating the 'Agbamole' drum. It was evident that the Holy Spirit and the Hosts of Heaven had joined the worshippers because the whole church was gyrating with so much vigor.

The Shepherd was the one leading the praises, he would change the songs at intervals, and the whole church would chorus it. Not too far from the choir stand, at the male side of the church, the unhappy Anuoluwapo stood in his flowing white garment and it appeared the boy didn't take dinner the previous night. It was more than obvious because he was not in that service, he appeared detached and out of touch with reality.

The Shepherd, who happened to be the friend of Anuoluwapo's father had been watching him with disdain as he stood there aloof. Luckily for this lad, he was the one beating the drum made of animal skin, he quickly signaled one of the church disciplinarian and whispered some words in his ears as soon as he got to the choir barricade.

By now, everyone had intensified the clapping, those that were resting on the wall quickly call on each other, it seemed they knew what was about to happen.

Mr. Solomon, the church disciplinarian reached out for the broom and approached Anuoluwapo, the sad, hungry chap was unconcerned the approaching man and the broom he held. Once the disciplinarian was close enough, he started whipping Anuoluwapo with much exertion and coercion.

Like pebbles, the broomstick landed on him, until it began to pierce his body like thorns. The man was less concerned about the blood gushing out of his victim's body as he continued mercilessly dishing out blows upon blows of broom on the helpless and clueless boy.

Anuoluwapo dodged the random broomstick from entering his eyes. He wailed at the top of his voice but despite his cry for help nobody came to his rescue. The church praises were still going on fervently as if nothing happened. When he saw that nobody would come to his aid, he ran out of the church, but the disciplinarian pursued him and continued beating him even as he ran.

The beating was so much that the mother continued plucking broomsticks from his body until the third day. Life itself was not as hard as the pains brought on him by his neighbours and church members. They had all believed the Shepherd when he told them that Anuoluwapo is 'Emere'. The same cock and bull story the father was told that tore the family apart.

It was becoming clearer to Anuoluwapo that he must dance to this rhythm of life. He often asked himself, "When will my deliverer come?" He knew he couldn't even find everlasting solace in the mother's point of view since she couldn't adjudge them to be wrong or right. She only believed the truth would surface.

Having missed school for days due to the injury sustained because he didn't clap in church, he finally resumed school. On his way to school, early in the morning, the busy road was filled with reckless motorcyclists. Anuoluwapo and several IjaiyeOjokoro school students would wait for several minutes for the busy road to be pedestrian friendly and then they would cross.

Although many of them would have wasted time eating at Oga John Food Canteen, the Igbo man made rice and beans concoction available for students at a ridiculous amount. Pupils of primary school and students at secondary school especially public schools were always seen queuing up in the stuffy shop every morning before school hour and after school. Oga John's rice and beans concoction was delicious to the extent that some of the students would scale their schools' fence to go and eat at the "students' restaurant" during school hours.

After an hour breakfast at the usual spot, Anuoluwapo and several of his classmates who had stopped to fill their stomachs took off to school with their "sack-bags" filled with torn notes, entered the busy Jankara tarred road, having carefully watched the road, the mob crossed successfully except Anuoluwapo, Hakeem, his classmates and one of his senior colleagues were knocked off by the fast moving bike.

Anu was the hardest hit by the motorcycle. In less than a minute, the usually busy road had stood still, clogged with vehicles. The caring Nigerian syndrome had taken over the onlookers and bystanders. Immediately one of the eyewitnesses offered to take Anu, the most injured victim to the hospital. "Ema worry", the motorcyclist quickly spoke in Yoruba.

The woman then believed and let him be. As soon as the spot became cleared and all the victims taken to the clinic, the woman entered her car and left. But instead of taking him to the clinic, the bike-man took

Anuoluwapo to his house, when he discovered they were almost there, he told him to trek the rest of the journey and zoomed off.

He had engaged in suicidal thoughts all day. It appeared he was created to bear the pains of the whole creatures in the world put together. His suicidal ideation got peaked at all time, his frustration with life was immeasurable. He was more than fed up. Nothing was really motivating him any further, the future didn't look any real and the obscurity appeared more conspicuous than ever before. As he trekked, he soliloquized.

"I, for surety was made for all these, so no one is to blame. Rather father and mother deserve praises for being the anchor of the ship that brought me here. Men! Life is a warfront!!!"

### ****************

After the mishap, he had soon resumed school and continued the normal drama of life, acted his part of the script and fulfilling the plan fate had programmed for him.

The adventure seemed not to have ended even after his high school. One of his classmates Hakeem, had made him suffer for a sin he never committed when he noticed his closeness with his crush, Temidayo Olanrewaju.

Hakeem couldn't hide his bitterness and jealousy seeing Anuoluwapo and Dayo. He devised a way of punishing Anu by setting a pen on his seat. The unsuspecting Anu sat down as soon as he finished answering the question the business studies teacher asked the class. He cried out in pain.

"Yaay!! Biro!!!!!!!" The aftermath of this episode made him stay out of school for weeks because the biro had pierced through his anus and had left him seriously injured.

These recurring bizarre episodes which made him irregular at school prompted him to inquire his mother if he was even meant for school. His parents' divorce had almost made his education impossible.

The father had taken with him his birth certificate and the school that offered him admission into junior secondary school had requested for that as one of the prerequisites. For months, he couldn't be registered with the school. It was not until his mother's younger brother assisted her in obtaining an affidavit in the law court that he was registered. If not for his uncle, he wouldn't have resumed the second term with his mates, and he would have accidentally dropped out of school.

WHAT A LIFE WITHOUT A FATHER! WHAT A SHATTERED DREAMS WITHOUT A FAMILY IN UNITY.

Imagine if a man would find life easy when the whole foundation that birthed him is destroyed, what will the righteous product of the ill-founded union do?

In the words of Chinua Achebe: the house is divided, and the center can no longer hold. The family is dissolved, and the parties involved can no longer be boastful of a beginning. And all they can imagine was a union once truly existed!
Chapter Four

### IMAGINE A FATHERLESS LIFE

Sigmund Freud said, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."

What any boy needs to be a man is in his father and all he needs to do is to learn! But what does he do when the man is nowhere to be found? What does it mean to be a male when the father is not there to provide a confident and rich model of manhood, and then why won't the boy be left in a vulnerable position?

The ever-increasing number of children without fathers today is due to nothing but the nauseating domination of boys instead of men. They had no time to watch their wards grow; to father them is even easier than anything in the world.

There are so many psychological implications of having a father who is evasive of his responsibilities or not even identifying with the children he fathered with his sperms. All these psychological implications pose more threats in other areas of lives of the children. For instance, the child develops sense of insecurity, lack of life skills, lack of complete moral upbringing, deprivation of love, sense of mistrust and inferiority.

Some wards don't have a situation of an absent father, while others share in disadvantages of the excessive reproduction of their parents with little or nothing to cater to them. Some of these wards may not suffer from any disorders while developing like Anuoluwapo did. Some may even outlive it merely due to the fathers' presence.

Another serious threat is that the child might fail to develop his personality properly. Things he ought to learn directly from his father, who is supposed to be his immediate role model, will be learnt from outsiders due to the father's absence. Note that, that might is used because in my profession, Psychology, you can't just assume one factor will always lead to another because there are always many factors that affect the development of a child's personality at the same time.

Another related story of the divorced families is the united but living apart family. Choosing separate homes is generally seen as an eccentricity of the rich and famous. For instance Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton, Margaret Drabble and Michael Holroyd, Clive James and Prue

Shaw, and, of course, Simone de Beaudoin and Jean-Paul Sartre.

All these people were united in rearing their children but lived apart. Infact, one in ten couple in Britain today have made what is seen as a growing, and increasingly acceptable, lifestyle choice, a phenomenon that has been identified as LAT ('living apart together'), whereby couples who regard themselves as firmly committed have separate homes through choice or circumstance. This trend is echoed throughout Western Europe, America and Africa.

At a time when nearly half of all marriages endin divorce, and long-term live-in-lovers, often with children, are at least as likely to separate, isn't it encouraging to see people trying different ways of arranging their emotional and domestic lives?

One thing to bear in mind as strength in our weakness is some had no father and yet lived up to their potentials. For instance, some are fatherless because their father died; some have fathers with special needs and while some have fathers with sickness who even need others to provide their welfares for them.

Do we say that we need the role of Government? May be yes, or not. According to the 2007 UNICEF report on the well-being of children in economically developing nations, children in Nigeria and other African nations rank extremely low regarding finance, social and emotional well-being in particular. Againon June 12, 2013, UNICEF ranked Nigeria as the country with the highest number of primary-school aged children out of school, with 10.5 million caught in the troubling trap of illiteracy. That was almost half of the global figure!

It is worrisome that despite being an oil-rich nation enormously blessed with other natural endowments from huge agricultural potential, solid minerals, tourism and human resources, Nigeria should post such parlous figures.

Sadly, the situation is not much better today because as of May 18, 2014, the UN body also reiterated the deplorable situation, with Nigeria accounting for one out of three primary school children in the world receiving their lessons under trees!

One cannot therefore, but ask the pertinent questions: Why are these helpless children out of school, if their parents really cared about their educational development and ultimately their future? Why bring them to an increasingly complex world when they have little or nothing to care to them?

Does it not amount to sheer wickedness added to folly that a grown up man would keep breeding more children than he and his wife could adequately cater to, erroneously believing that God would send manna from heaven to feed them?

Many theories have been advanced to explain the poor state of our nations' children, child poverty, race, and social class. A factor that has been largely ignored, however, particularly among child and family policymakers, is the prevalence and devastating effects of fathers' absence in children's lives.

The sad fact is that parents in our society are not supported in the fulfillment of their parental responsibilities, and divorced parents in particular often undermined their responsibilities as parents, and this has reflected in the large numbers of "non- custodial" or "non-residential" parents and of course forcefully removed from their children's lives, as daily caregivers.

My target of concern is those responsible for laws and policies and the stakeholders in the family and marriage institutions that devalue the importance of parents in children's lives, and parental involvement as critical to children's well-being.

Children need both parents, and parents need the support of social institutions about being there for their kids. Below is a subset of the innumerable hazards surrounding a fatherless life in children like Anuoluwapo.

  * Children's diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security (children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing)

  * Behavioral problems (fatherless children have more difficulties with social adjustment, and are more likely to report problems with friendships, and manifest behavior problems; many develop a swaggering, intimidating persona in an attempt to disguise their underlying fears, resentments, anxieties and unhappiness)

  * Truancy and poor academic performance (71 per cent of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children from father absent homes are more likely to play truant from school, more likely to be excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain academic and professional qualifications in adulthood). Especially such witnessed by Anuoluwapo when he found it difficult to further his secondary education because of the absent father and absent birth certificate.

  * Delinquency and youth crime, including violent crime (85 per cent of youths in prison have an absent father; fatherless children are more likely to offend and go to jail as adults). Though Femi was lured away but not completely attracted by Sola and Damilola, products of broken homes who have become miscreants and pilfers because of their fatherless conditions.

  * Promiscuity and teen pregnancy (fatherless children are more likely to experience problems with sexual health, including a greater likelihood of having intercourse before the age of 16, foregoing contraception during first intercourse, becoming teenage parents, and contracting sexually transmitted infection; girls manifest an object hunger for males, and in experiencing the emotional loss of their fathers egocentrically as a rejection of them, become susceptible to exploitation by adult men).

  * Drug and alcohol abuse (fatherless children are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, and abuse drugs in childhood and adulthood).

  * Homelessness (90 per cent of runaway children have an absent father).

  * Exploitation and abuse (fatherless children are at greater risk of suffering physical,emotional, and sexual abuse, being five times more likely to have experienced physical abuse and emotional maltreatment, with a one hundred times higher risk of fatal abuse; a recent study reported that preschoolers not living with both of their biological parents are forty times more likely to be sexually abused.

  * Physical health problems (fatherless children report significantly more psychosomatic health symptoms and illness such as acute and chronic pain, asthma, headaches, and stomach aches).

  * Mental health disorders (father absent children are consistently overrepresented on a wide range of mental health problems,particularly anxiety, depression and suicide).

  * Life chances (as adults, fatherless children are more likely to experience unemployment, have low incomes, remain on social assistance, and experience homelessness).

  * Future relationships (father absent children tend to enter partnerships earlier, are more likely to divorce or dissolve their cohabitation unions and are more likely to have children outside marriage or outside any partnership).

  * Mortality (fatherless children are more likely to die as children and live an average of four years less over the life span).

Given the fact that these and other social problems correlate more strongly with fatherlessness than with any other factor, surpassing race, social class and poverty, father absence may well be the most critical social issue of our time.

In Fatherless America, David Blankenhorn calls the crisis of fatherless children "the most destructive trend of our generation." A recent British report from the University of Birmingham, Dad and Me, confirms Blankenhorn's claims, concluding that the need for a father is on an epidemic scale, and "father deficit" should be treated as a public health issue.

We ignore the problem of father absence to our peril. Of perhaps greatest concern is the lack of response from our lawmakers and policymakers, who pay lip service to the paramount importance of the "best interests of the child," yet turn a blind eye to father absence, ignoring the vast body of research on the dire consequences to children's well-being.

There is hardly one of the hazards mentioned above that was not a manifest in Anuoluwapo and Femi's life, respectively.

What is the Solution to Father absence and a failed marriage?

Many fathers' advocates have stressed the need for fast, low-cost, effective ways of sustaining every marriage and full involvement of both parents in children's lives.

A legal presumption of shared parenting would affirm the primary role of both parents, and make clear that even in the absence of a spousal relationship, both mothers' and fathers' parental responsibilities to their children's needs are "sacred," and therefore deserving of full legal protection and recognition.

But is there really any panacea to dying families and failing marriages?

I picked up a journal to read one time, I read an article written by Pamela Stock and she has these to say and I am sure they will be helpful.

"Shortly after my son was born, I became obsessed with a question that had nothing to do with babies: Why was my husband so annoying?Here was the person I loved, with whom I had just pulled off the miracle of creating a life and I wanted to kill him.

How had I failed to notice that he didn't know how to make a bed? Or that he was such a Nervous Nellie he would have to line the floor with pillows before he would lie on the couch with the baby?

What is worse, he was annoyed beyond comprehension by me! My habit of eating while nursing (and dropping crumbs on the baby's head) grossed him out. And my previously lauded spontaneity was now a fatal flaw called disorganization. The house was a mess and so were we."

Making the leap from coupledom to baby-makes- three is exciting, exhilarating, and wonderful. It's also exhausting, exasperating, and worrisome a combination that can be toxic to the romantic relationship that made you parents in the first place.

The bad news first: Maintaining a marriage post- baby takes a lot of time and energy, exactly what you have got the least of right now.

Just like Palma, either you are the man or the woman, you need to unveil that thing that brings unrest to your family. Without that energy expended growing resentful of each other will take over the driving seat f your union and will deprive you of your marital joy.

Here is the advice gotten from experts as well as couples in the trenches on why Palma stock transition was so hard and what you can do to smooth things out when you find yourself in her position or similar situation.

  1. Household chores and your marriage: Now that there are so many more household chores on the agenda, you and your spouse may both feel like the other's not pulling his or her share of the mother lode.

Domestic duties double, and so does your bickering. Of course, before there was a baby, there was still laundry, dishes, and other loathsome household tasks. But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly. You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant. "Laundry had to be washed or it stank, and the baby needed to be fed or he would cry like crazy," says Brooke Patrick of Seattle, recalling the first year with her son.

"So my husband and I started keeping score: Well, I did that, so you do this. "As long as things are getting done, this tit-for-tat system may not be so bad, but the constant background buzz of nagging can cause resentment to build up over time. "There was an incredible amount of tension," agrees Patrick.

One strategy to decrease infighting: Post a list of daily chores on the fridge and switch responsibilities each week. Everyone will know what he or she needs to do. Nevertheless, if you feel like you are carrying the whole load, ask for what you need instead of storming around folding laundry, says Carol Ummel Lindquist, PhD, author of Happily Married with Kids (Berkley, 2004). "Women tend to think if they say what needs to be taken care of, the other person will volunteer to do it. But men often respond better to direct requests." Also, thank your guy after he's successfully completed a task. I know it might not seem fair because you may never get thanks, but this will make your husband more receptive to future requests. And niceties breed a less combative atmosphere. Moreover, it might be catching!

  2. Parenting Styles: Your parenting styles cancel each other out. It is nice to think you'd share child-rearing philosophies, but it's often hard to predict how you'll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you're smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby. This is not the ideal time to discover that while you favor a sleep-training method that lets your child cry, your spouse really cannot deal with tears for any amount of time.

You may also find that your parenting styles clash as you reach for the pacifier at the first sign of distress (softie) while your partner says no sternly when the baby starts to drum with spoons on the high-chair tray. One of my colleagues who recently got married told me during my first arrival in Ohaozara that he discovered that he and his wife differed on just about everything when it came to the baby. "Mr. Ikechukwu is just much more laid- back than his wife, Adannaya. What worked for them was letting the other deal with the consequences of his or her method.

  3. Sex: One of the most prominent factors that has made many marriages a thing of past is sex. You have sex half as often, and it is twice the hassle. You are tired, you are covered in slobber, and your spouse has suddenly transformed from Sexy Stud to Super-parent. Of course, you are in love, you are just not in the mood for getting naked under the covers.

According to Lindquist, you must get in the mood. And the best way is to plan time for having sex. Sure, people joke about making dates for sex. Just because you are married does not mean you can't make a hot date. Get a sitter, shave your legs, and flirt a little.

As for increasing the frequency of sex on non-date nights, experienced parents recommend making sure your bedroom is baby-free at bedtime. "There's nothing like rolling on top of a toy caterpillar that starts to play 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' to kill the mood," points out by Nelson.

  4. Couple Time: Couple time is now family time. You are always together, but no longer alone. Whether you have been a couple for years or just met and wanted to have a baby quickly, jumping from a twosome to a family is challenging. "When we dated and were first married, we each still had fairly separate lives," says Andrea Frank of New York City. "He would go out with the guys and I had my girlfriends. And we both worked a lot and went to the gym on our own. Now we are glued to each other and to Carly, but we also don't feel like we ever have any time together."

There are two parts to the solution here. First, you need to schedule time together, says Lindquist. But besides dates, plan brief "meetings," where you can bring up household and baby-care issues such as an upcoming doctor's appointment or which stroller to buy.

My Aunty once told me, "My husband and I end our household discussions with an ice-cream-fest to avoid feeling too burdened by it all." In this way, your dates won't be overtaken by baby talk and you can share the stuff you used to: idle neighborhood gossip, who's likely to win the presidential election or The Amazing Race, whatever.

The second part of the solution is to allow for solo time for yourselves. "Don't look at time away from your family as a bad thing," says Lindquist. "Look at it as a gift to them because you're returning refreshed and happy."

  5. The Grandparents and The Extended Family: The grandparents are on the scene and want time with baby, in fact a lot of it. "Watching my husband change into a daddy has been great, "says Sarah Meyer of Brooklyn, New York. "But watching my in-laws morph into my child's grandparents has been completely overwhelming because now they think they should have access to our home and lives 24 hours a day."

The solution here is boundaries. You have a right to say no, no matter how generous they have been with gifts or babysitting time. Be kind, but firm: "Sophie is so lucky to have you as grandparents, but we're all a little overtired now and need to spend some more time by ourselves." More important, you have the right to ask your husband to speak to his parents, says Gayle.

"Grandparents can feel threatened by a daughter-in-law and may respond better to their own child," says Peterson. "When I finally told my husband that I could not take it anymore, he said something to his mom. He made it sound like we thought they were being too generous with their time. Now, if we check in regularly with updates on the baby, they call first before stopping by," says Meyer.

Another sanity-saving strategy is to choose specific times during the week for when they can come by that are preferable for you. If your parents feel like you are making time for them, they will be less pushy. And you can deflect an invitation, guilt-free, by saying, "I need to check my calendar."

Also, the extended family members, the uncle, cousins, brother, and sisters will always want to interfere into your family, either directly or not, allow them not. Allow yourself to be tolerant and decisive, firm, and independent. Grant them an audience but not put them in the driving seat of your family matters.

  6. Money: The major reason why the major characters in this book, Bukola and Yinka failed was money factor. They had little of it and Yinka went bankrupt because his business recorded loses.

Money matters more than you thought. "I had always worked and made more money than my husband," says Lauren Newman. "Then, after the baby, I took some time off to stay home and finished my degree. We were paying for childcare, and I was not bringing anything in. I felt guilty and thought I should take on most of the housework which meant I wasn't writing -- and Jim got resentful."

No doubt, money is a huge stressor for new parents, says Peterson. "People believe they don't have enough money to raise a family, and they just freak out," she says. Peterson adds that new parents, who may be new homeowners or considering purchasing a house, are often overwhelmed by finances.

"You're not going to take out your anxiety about money on your baby, so you lash out at your spouse." She advises couples to take a step back and talk frankly about what they really want for the family or for themselves."

"Often there's a spouse who really wants to stay home for a year instead of working but is afraid of the cost. But there are a lot of solutions to financial problems," she says. One idea is to try living on one salary for six months when you are both working. Open a separate account for the paycheck you will be saving. After the trial period, you will know how you like eating casseroles instead of takeout (you may be surprised) and how to live on a tight budget.

You will also have a nice savings in case of an emergency for when you do stay home. Realize, too, Peterson says, that even with two incomes, it's highly unlikely you're going to feel totally financially secure when you've just had a baby.

Of course, you also must consider the real facts of your finances and you may have to make some choices: the big house or the expensive school? A fancy jogging stroller or a weekend in amusement park? Whatever your choices, decide together. And keep in mind that you are probably spending less money in some areas than you used to such as on movies, eating out, clothes, and vacations.

  7. Family: You are parents now, but you are still you too. which brings us back to where we started. My cousin who lives in Abeoukuta but works in Ijebu-Ode once said this in a discussion with me, "Now that my first baby is five and my second is two, my husband and I have (mostly) gotten over the shock of new parenthood.

We're not perfect, but I don't think I would want us to be." People become parents when they have children; they do not become different people. This, of course, is both a point of contention and a source of solace. All those things you love about each other and your flaws are still there, and now there is a baby, too. That is called a family.

For the products of failed marriages reading this, or you are among those who had little father's attention or care.

Finally, let us investigate the Life of these below successful men who grew up fatherless.

MICHAEL PHELPS, LANCE ARMSTRONG AND LEBRON JAMES

The world's best swimmer and winner of 14 Olympic gold medals, Michael Phelps was only seven years old when his father left their family. The barely seven-year-old boy was hyperactive and spoke with a lisp and at about the time his dad left the family, he took up swimming and excelled.

United States of America cyclist, Lance Armstrong, the seven time tour de France champion was only two years old when his dad abandoned him and his mother. Armstrong has used the Surname of his stepfather ever since he was a kid and has refused to meet his birth father.

Finally, in sports, LeBron James also known as King James was born in 1984 to a 16 year old woman, Gloria James, whose ex-convict boyfriend irresponsibly abandoned both the baby and his mother.

Yet all these champions eluded backgrounds and exhibited high sense of reasoning to see themselves through into a successful life.

OBAMA, BILL CLINTON, GEORGE WASHINGTON AND JEFFERSON

Incumbent president of the United States of America, who got into office in 2008 after the historic victory at the polls as the first African American president, rose through the hurdles many fatherless wards are experiencing now, not to only become America's first black president, but also as a renowned Orator who commands many audience to remain glue to him with his one-of-a-kind oratory prowess. This astute orator was born in 1961 to a teenage mother and a Kenyan father who was then already secretly married to another woman; he was only two years old when his father abandoned them to return to Africa. Yet he rose to the challenge, lived up to expectations and became what he aspired to become in life.

Three months before the birth of USA's ex –President Bill Clinton, his biological father died in an automobile accident. His mom remarried Roger Clinton Sr., a repeatedly abusive alcoholic gambler.

America's founding father and hero president, George Washington was only 10 years old when his father died, which caused him to end his formal education. In fact, majority of US presidents in its first 50 years, plus two founding fathers were also fatherless children. For instance Thomas Jefferson was just 14 years old when his father died.

One thing you need to do if you find yourself in this position is to fuel the fire in your belly, cleanse your spirit and strengthen yourself. There are surprising number of people in the world, who are fatherless , many in the past overcame, some succumbed and were defeated, some like mentioned above have written their names and success stories in the hearts of men and forever live in annals of history. These people overcame emotional, economic, and social and other personal crises posed by the fathers' absence to claim their birthrights of success and even achieved success.

Live up to the expectations the designer of fate has bestowed on us. Turn your weakness into strength because life is full of success and failure, full of ups and downs. Just work and wish your downs have cure, for we hope in day and night, sunrise till dusk.

ENJOY YOUR OWN SHARE OF LIFE'S SWEETNESS DERIVED FROM BITTERNESS. Afterall, sweetness comes after bitterness.
Chapter Five

THE PRIZE HAS A PRICE

Sweating profusely in the early hours of the day, Anuoluwapo kept pushing the over loaded truck to its destination. The chairs and tables contained in the truck jostled here and there, despite being meticulously stacked and tied with rope.

The chairs and tables were meant for the party going on in a nearby street which the celebrant had booked for at Temitope rentals a day before the event. The untarred muddy road made it impossible for Anuoluwapo to increase the speed of the truck. He had loaded the truck thinking he would successfully offload without stress in less than ten minutes. But he was shocked to see that the road was untarred and full of potholes.

He would enter one gallop after another and would change the direction of the truck at interval. He maneuvered and tried as much as he could to dodge potholes, he would speed up at one point, slow down at other point. He seemed to have mastered truck pushing since he had successfully done that for more than a year with his brother, Femi.

Femi who introduced him to the business had moved on from it ever since he started working with Olaoye block industry where he earned more following buses to offload blocks.

Sighting a huge pothole, he tried to apply his skill of dodging, but this time, it was too late for him, the already speeding truck ran into the pit, bent, the rope tore in halves and off it went to the ground emptying itself in the process.

The chairs and tables flooded the street. He was down on the ground after a spontaneous action to stop the truck from falling, he had left the handles of truck and had gone to the side to try stop it from falling with his hands but the weight of the iron welded truck with that of its contents were too much for him to resist.

The weight of the truck and its contents knocked him down and the force was so powerful that he slid inside the gutter. He hurriedly picked himself up despite sustaining some bruises. By the time he found his feet, the street was already clogged with vehicles, the scattered chairs and tables had caused a traffic jam.

As he limped on one leg trying to gather them together, some of the people around had come to his rescue while others made jest of him.

"Why are you the only one pushing the truck?

"You wan chop alone and die alone, what of your second?" the man who had known him and his brother inquired innocently.

The road finally became un-obstructive after three minutes. He reloaded the truck and continued his odyssey. Unfortunately, the truck had packed up because one of the wheels came off when it fell.

Yet the distance remaining was more than the truck had covered, even after this trip he still had about two trips of the over loaded truck to deliver to fetch him five hundred naira. He was confused and clueless,

'' How do I get four canopies, fifteen dozens of chairs and thirty pieces of plastic tables and table clothes to Tayo Makinde Street without truck?". He asked himself and was lost in thought for over thirty minutes.

He stared at the spoilt loaded truck, checking the time on cheap rubber watch he wore, it was six pm in the evening. He had been on this contract since morning, after sorting out the chairs in the stores for hours and loading the truck for the first trip, it all appeared he had done nothing.

It was obvious he wouldn't be paid a dime without delivering those booked chairs and canopies. He had only taken pap as breakfast; lunch had been skipped. If the chairs and tables were not delivered, he might have to sleep on empty stomach, especially with the recent trend in the mother's daily income.

Things have become tough for her since she stopped selling at Oshodi. She had resorted to raising her children herself rather than allow them to learn all a child needed from his peers who might instead teach the adulterated version of morality. She would always convince herself by saying, "Ruth Smelter can't be wrong that every child has the right to be well fed and well led."

She had become motivated in rearing her boys, especially with the choice of friends Femi had been keeping lately, they had seriously affected his choice of behaviours. He drank almost anything in bottle and pursued anything in skirt. She has cried hopelessly and punished him on several occasions, yet she never gave up on him until the boy turned a new leaf. Her believe was that her children would bring her pride and joy and she would be a role model to every single mother out there.

Bukola and her two sons now lived together in a rented room on Jibowu Street, Ijaiye Lagos. She would hawk readymade clothes and sold yoghurts at her children's school daily.

She had been a serious motivator for her children, she had brought them up in the way of hard and smart work with the fear of God eating their heart up. There was hardly anyone on their street who didn't know these two guys. Their story was known by almost everyone on Jibowu Street.

Many parents had encouraged their own wards with Femi and Anuoluwapo's story of perseverance and endurance. The fatherless duo had taken up almost all legal jobs. Anu for instance had worked as a phone operator immediately after his Junior Waec examinations. He earned 4500 per month.

It was 10:30pm and Anu had only completed two out of the three trips. Merely looking at him, he was exhausted, dejected and despondent. Yet the boss was bent on him delivering the chairs, tables and canopies booked for before he would be paid. "I wish I could have the superman power." He said to himself in his hopeless state.

The weather had suddenly changed, it became cooler and breezy, and trees were dancing to the drumming of the breeze. Anuoluwapo who had only wanted to take a nap went into a deep sleep almost immediately he closed his eyes. His sleeping pattern became abnormal.

He would move from nap zoomed into "delta stage of sleep" and would skip the REM stage and started snoring hard. It always looked like he had been without sleep for years. Barely twenty minutes into the deep sleep, he had unconsciously moved into the gathering of soldier ants. The painful stings woke him as he started screaming for help, wailing, and running around like a wild animal, pulling his clothes like a schizophrenic patient.

If you haven't found yourself in this sorry state before, you might think the spirit of lunacy had entered Anuoluwapo. He hurried out of the soldier ants territory with no sense of direction, he quickly pulled off his trousers, but the ants with joy found their way into his pants, he battled on with them until they made him remove the pants.

His screams attracted people from different houses and when he saw them, he ran into an abandoned bus to hide his nakedness.

The people's presence was announced with beaming torchlight, as soon as they got close with the mindset of rescuing him, they were stunned and baffled with what they saw. "What has come over the young boy?" They whispered among themselves.

For several minutes they didn't have idea of what made him hide from them, some had concluded in their minds that the boy had ran mad. One after the other the people left him to his fate after many efforts to converse with him hit the rock. His body was already swollen. The stings of the ants had made him scratch his body continuously. After the people who came to his aid had left, he went to pick his sweat soaked round neck shirt, his pants which was covered in mud and his torn trousers and managed to put them on. He carried the chairs on his head, dozen by dozen to the place of destination.

He couldn't complete the last trip; he went straight to his employer and narrated his ordeal to her. He headed home and it was at this time the rain that had been threatening decided to fall. The rain fell heavily and beat Anuoluwapo mercilessly with no money in his pocket despite all his hard work on that day, he returned home Nairaless as he had gone to work. His boss had kept her words of no complete work, no pay.

The cloudy sky poured her tears on Anuoluwapo as he found his way back through the muddy street. He was pale from both lack of food and rest. He thought as he walked home dejectedly, "Life is a race they say, but this race is filled with failure for me. Right from birth, failure has been my birthright, to the extent I sleep, dream, and wake up with failure. There has never been a time success was by accident my own share. To go to school like others is always impossible, every attempt I made at being number one always ends in frustration. I believe my dad was right that I am a product of doom." He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he was completely oblivious to the lightening, thunder and the storms that journeyed with him back home.

The streets have been deserted, everyone had gone into their rooms, and the whole vicinity was as quiet as a cemetery. There was blackout everywhere, except for the few rich men who lived at the end of street.

He remembered the words of John Maxwell, an inspiring Leadership author who believed we can fail forward. Anuoluwapo had come to the conclusion that, if he gave life a relentless attempt, his ordeals would soon be history.

"Since history is filled with examples of people who overcame their challenges and are doing great. I am sure soon all this will be over as it is for an appointed time."

He thought as he walked home.

When he got home his mother was beside herself with worry.

"Where have you been all day?" She curiously inquired as soon as he entered their one room apartment. At that point, she took in his lips swollen lips and face, his torn and drenched clothes and said understandingly, "Just go and pull those clothes outside, take your bath and come inside."

After he had cleaned himself, he reentered their room and seeing the black thing in the unbreakable plate on the table, his stomach leaped for joy and he salivated. The mother said to him, "Go and carry that food and eat it." Suddenly he became revitalized and pounced on the food mercilessly. While he ate, Bukola moved close to him and asked, "Where have you been all day, why did you leave the plates unwashed and refused to come home on time to run errands for me?"

"I have been working all day at Temitope Rentals." He explained and narrated his obnoxious day and wept in the process.

His mother spoke to him encouragingly, "We don't need to see setbacks as failures". The morsel he was about putting in his mouth became heavy as he stopped to look at the mother offering him solace through her words. She continued.

"Yes. The fact that you don't eat lions doesn't mean lion will smile at you when it sees you, the fact that you are born poor doesn't mean you will remain poor. You are not a failure because you were born into this family and you try to better things but failed.

Most of the people who are hugely successful failed their way to success. Instead of allowing this family situation to stop your zeal, why not let it train you? The condition I and your father have brought on you happened because I didn't know what to do with my life, instead of chasing my dream, I was chasing your father. I brought myself under the mercy of the merciless and they thwarted my dream in the process.

The truth is I didn't fail because I dropped out of school and chased your father, what made me fail and brought you and your brother to this helpless situation was because I dumped my dream and stopped trying. It was blossoming at the beginning and I had been so convinced it was the right path until I was greeted with disappointment and my ill decision meted on me poverty of thought and great idea."

She closed eyes to prevent the tears welling in her eyes from falling and discouraging the boy further. When she was sure she had her emotions under tight leash she continued her motivating words.

"The difference between my past and now is in my brother, Samson. He works with the federal government today because he is a graduate. He is loved by everyone today because people love identifying with success. The disappointment you now share with me is because of my myopic thought and my clueless life pursuit.

It fueled my disappointment and self-handicapping; it was late to back out. Let me quickly correct an impression before I drive home my point and leave you to go to bed. If you think you are protecting yourself from being disappointed by not expecting anything good, you are mistaken.

You are already living a failed life and you will regret it. Being negative opens door for a lot of problems like poverty. So why not look at the brighter side of life? Why not believe something good is about to happen? Why not look at the sun instead of the clouds? There is nothing wrong in seeing the cup half full rather than half empty. Appreciate this journey we have started and make correction, Anu."

She submitted, lied on the bed, and let the tears rolled down in torrents even though she dared not cry out because of Anuoluwapo. By the time his mother finished her inspiring speech he had lost his appetite and felt full of his mother's words. As he laid on his side of the mat, he recalled the words.

They were provocative for Anuoluwapo as he chewed on them that night. He had started giving more importance to education "Education is not all about the certificate you earn, rather it's more of what you learn" Bukola had always reminded him and Femi that they were definitely different from every child on their street. His mother's words resounded in his heart and he is pondering on them until sleep claimed him.

He was so exhausted that he slept for twelve hours, he didn't wake up until noon the following day. Thank God it was a weekend he didn't need to be late for school yet he had disappointed his boss because he ought to have resumed very early to complete the final part of his job so he could collect his wages. When he saw that the time was past noon when he woke, he felt disappointed and angry at himself. He knew he wouldn't be paid since he didn't complete the job, which meant all his efforts the previous day was a waste of time and energy.

His anger was further fueled when he remembered how much he had lost and what he intended to do with the money. He and his brother had been saving towards the procurement of a video player.

Looking for what to do to dissolve the anger he switched on the white and black television, the words on marble displayed on the television jumped right at him.

The words read, "The world is filled with people who feel empty and unfulfilled because they have spent their lives bemoaning what they did not have, instead of using what they do have."

These words reminded him of his mother's words to him the night before. As he read the words on teevee repeatedly he began thinking

"That means if I have more education and learn more about self-delivery, then I will have much wealth and be self-fulfilled. I will have house of my own, gainful employment and have a family of my own, correct my parents' wrongs and be productive in this generation."

His imagination was running wild for minutes until his brother came in and disrupted it with a shout. He had gone to pick one of their cousins at the bus stop.

### *****************

"Come in sir." Femi told the Lagos state university undergraduate who had come to deliver the parcel which Samson, Bukola's brother had sent to them. This is a ritual the young man had performed for years.

"Eku Ile o." Bukola greeted in Yoruba. She was pleasantly surprised to see the impeccable pair of shoes at her doorstep. She couldn't remember expecting any visitor. She entered and was assisted by Femi to put down the heavy load she had hawked from one place to another. Then she saw the visitor. It was her younger brother Akin.

"Ah! Akin it is you, long time. How is your brother?"

"He is fine. He is the one that sent me to you." Akin replied and gave her the parcel. "He also sent his apology that he couldn't come the other time when Anuoluwapo was hospitalized. He and his family will check on you soon." He concluded. Bukola collected the parcel, place on the floor beside her and started praying.

"My brother sent this again. God will continue to bless him and the works of his hands. He will never know failure. He will continue to succeed in Jesus name." When she was through with the prayers she turned to her sons.

"I hope you have given Akin something to eat since he came?"

"No ma. It wasn't quite long that he came and was about leaving when you arrived." Femi and Anuoluwapo chorused.

"Haba Akin! Anu, go and meet Iya Aremu tell her to give you one Malta Gold."

Twenty minutes later Akin bade Bukola, Femi and Anu goodbye and left. The three of them saw him off and on their way back home she started another sermon, this time Akin's life was the case study she used.

"Eyin oko mi, (my husbands) it will not be difficult for you to ride the vehicle of progress in life and ladder of progress will not be difficult for you to ascend. Education is a good legacy. It is a passport that can take you many places." She paused to see if the boys were paying attention to her words. Satisfied that she had their attention, she continued.

"Don't you admire who you just saw? I hope you know he is a final year student at Lagos state University? And he is simultaneously an apprentice at Happy house investment where he learns Aluminum and pop work. He didn't allow his academics to stand in the way of his skill acquisition neither his skill acquisition an obstruction to his academics. He is not proud and ignore learning because his parents are well to do. Despite life hassles and stress, he is on first class." By this time, they had reached their room and they all sat down as she went on.

"Samson also told me that told Akin is also the outgoing president of the Christian fellowship he attends in school. If Akin could ignore his parent's wealth and didn't allow that affect his life and chased his dream head on, Anuoluwapo, Oluwafemi you both can achieve a lot in life." She took the cup Akin had used earlier to drink the malt, rinsed, and drank some water. She continued in provoking her children to see the conditions around them as helpful to reach their God designed destination.

"What I am saying is no one is interested in why you failed or what contributed to your defeats. You will still experience more turbulence than what you have experienced because that great thing is enormous to conquer." Looking at her sons' stunned faces, Anuoluwapo lips had fell open. She proceeded undauntedly.

"You will experience some oppositions no matter what you dream of becoming. People will for no reason question your need for desiring success." Immediately his mother said this last statement, Anuoluwapo's mind travelled back to one of his conversations with a family friend sometimes past.

"I wish to go to be a graduate of University of Ibadan or Obafemi Awolowo University before the age of 24. By 24 I want to be a Youth Corp member and by age 25 I want to get married." He had said when Bose, his family friend screamed almost immediately, "Eh! See unachievable imagination." The surprise and astonishment on his face was much as he was criticized, and his dream was rubbished.

"Anu!!!!!" Bukola tapped him. "Where was your mind?" He narrated his experience to the mother, and it was an opportunity for Bukola to inform her children about critics and their unconstructive criticism.

"No matter what you do in life you will be criticized by someone, so you must learn to cope with it and let it not bother you. Oko mi (my husbands), criticism is very difficult for humans, especially for your self-image and career can be truncated by one critical remark like that of Bose."

She picked up a book that had the name of world richest men and showed her sons.

"Look, every great person has learnt to cope with criticism. Actor Dustin Hoffman considered a good review from his critics to be a stay of execution." Bukola opened the book in her hand and quoted,

"You must know what you want in life and believe in yourself. The prime enemy every man has is himself. The only thing that can stop that your dream, Anuoluwapo is yourself. Sometimes the people who are criticized the most are the one who try to do something constructive with their lives, instead of feeling downcast or defeated, feel great and generate self-strength." She concluded her words with,

"You will definitely not do everything right, but you must try hard to right your wrongs, so each time someone criticizes you, try making a positive affirmation about yourself to yourself. Take the fish I brought to kitchen and let's prepare food."

The following day was a Sunday. Typical of white garment church by fifteen minutes past three in the afternoon, the sermon was still going even though the preacher kept saying the same things over and over.

Anuoluwapo, the acclaimed sadist when it came to church matters had gone out and returned three times. By the time he returned the third time, the man of God on the pulpit had instructed the ushers not to allow anybody in or out till the sermon was over. Anu who wasn't on seat when this order was given was denied entry when he came back. He joined the man sitting outside who had also been denied entry.

"Can you get me something to drink?"

The man who appeared to be in his early forties begged Anuoluwapo stretching two hundred Naira note towards him after he nodded saying yes. Another opportunity to stay away from church for another ten minutes presented itself and Anu quickly grabbed it. When he returned the preacher had finished the sermon and the Thanksgiving was on, he was happy as this was usually the last segment of the prolonged service.

The service ended ten minutes past four in the evening. Thomas, Anuoluwapo and Femi's adopted father sent for them. After some minutes, the boys reported inside the church where he and the man who sent Anuoluwapo on errand in the course of the service were discussing.

"Do you know these two boys?" Thomas asked the man in white 'agbada' lace material.

"I know the one in blue trouser." He replied pointing at Anuoluwapo.

"How and where do you know him?" Thomas astonishingly inquired.

"He was the one I sent to get me drinks some minutes ago."

At that moment Thomas cleared his throat and said, "These are your children." Yinka leaped off his chair like a man who had been stung by the bee. His surprise was evident on his face. Anu was already becoming bored of the whole scene, he appeared uninterested in the melodrama. He sought permission to leave, as soon as it was granted, he headed for the exit. Many thoughts ran through his mind.

"I would have poisoned the drink if I knew that idiot bald headed guy had made me undergo these hard times. Little wonder Mummy left the church almost immediately."

### ***********

Yinka wanted to go back to his house. No, he said to himself as he went to his initial destination. He spent the whole day with his friend his attention was divided. Yet the matter was not clear to him, but he pretended and endured until it was time to go home, he bided goodnight to his friend and headed home.

*************

"Return that money to him now." Bukola commanded her eldest son Femi

"He has left." Femi replied

"Go and give his friend. Tell him life is not hard for us." Bukola spoke harshly to Femi.

Meanwhile, Anuoluwapo had been at the door for minutes listening to the argument and he could see from the doorway that Femi was with several two hundred Naira notes. He knew the total amount was twenty thousand Naira. He remembered holding the same money some minutes ago while he sat beside 'that man' his father for minutes. He was infuriated.

"How I wish blood smells. How I wish it can be written on heartless men's foreheads 'I AM

HEARTLESS'. "How I wish I knew immediately he sent me soft drink that he was my father. I would have made him regret ever coming at all."

Anu thought for a while as he went in with fury, pushing Femi away with the money.

"Return that money." He said angrily joining their mother in venting the bottled-up anger.

"His twenty thousand Naira is not tantamount to my life that he risked for years. Those hopeless days in the hospital after the fire accident.

This useless grant cannot compensate for the many accidents I had and unforgettable cold experience of death. Would this twenty thousand Naira save me from my grave, if that night I had died when I accidentally fell from mum's grip when the useless and gullible father threatened his wife's life with cutlass?

Even you, this useless money you collected would it have bailed you that night when police arrested you and Sola while you were gambling because a father left his duty post.

Now he suddenly resurfaced with twenty thousand Naira that can't even conveniently feed a baby today. Not to talk of the school fees paid from nursery school till senior secondary school that we are now. Tell him to go to hell! He is not needed here!" Anu concluded his rants, slammed the door and stormed out of the room. The emotionally battered Femi ran out too with tears streaming down his face.

Year in year out, the struggle of the fatherless didn't vanish these children life. Neither did Yinka returned after the day he brought the controversial grant.

The children and their mother had laboriously strived to get the necessities of life. They became family property as they moved from one relatives place to the other spending school vacations here and there. After six years in the public secondary school, Femi was faced with the realities of life. The exact stage Bukola halted and picked up the family life which handicapped her journey and rendered her dreams short-lived and unachievable.

Whether the cycle of generational curse will be truncated or continued, the decision stared Femi in the face. Anuoluwapo on the other hand, still had a session and half left to complete his high school education and wasn't faced with the life changing decision yet.

Less than a month after successfully completing his SSCE exams, Femi took up a teaching job where he was paid the meagre sum of three thousand five hundred Naira as salary.

"This must be the life outside the four walls of Ojokoro as Mr. Odeyemi had consistently informed us. So, the labour field is this tough." He said to himself one day. By the time he had taught for one session he quickly adapted to the new world. Gist and information reaching him in those periods revolved round reports of what his high school mates were doing with their lives.

Some had gotten pregnant or impregnated girls, some had started learning trade, while a few others like Femi had taken up the primary school teaching work with the meagre income to sufficiently cater to their basic needs. The lucky few who came from rich home had gained admission into tertiary institutions, especially those that made their papers in one sitting.

The following year Anuoluwapo joined the brother at the T. Junction of life and he was also faced with the same dilemma. What to do with his life had quickly become an everyday challenging unsolvable question. The trend in Jibowu Street was after SSCE to join the ever-increasing touts on the street and girls joined the prostitute profession.

If you couldn't snatch other girl's boyfriend who were mostly motorcycle riders or 'Agberos', you didn't belong to the street. Many didn't even bother furthering their education. Their parents had concluded that they have tried giving them primary and secondary education if they can't further there was no crime in half-education. After all, they who were their parents only attended primary school, which some of them didn't even finish. Their child being zero level higher was a milestone achievement.

Anuoluwapo had patiently waited for the time he would be a high school leaver; he was bent on moving away from the street. Anu had sworn never to return if he managed to leave. Where he was going, he didn't know but if asked he would say, "I want to change environment." Luckily for him, a wedding ceremony was his gate pass. His mother had seriously planned to attend, and she did. The D day he was set to leave the vicinity, someone had unfortunately hinted Anuoluwapo about a job opening in one of the big schools around. The minimum requirement was SSCE, yet it wasn't certain he would get the job because his results weren't out yet. The mother was set for the journey to Ibadan where Mary, Bukola's niece was to wed. She had left ten days before the event thus, an opportunity for Anu to follow the mother and change the long-awaited environment came. He had told one lie to Thomas, his adopted father who always wanted to be carried along about the children's life.

On getting to the cream and chocolate painted three storey school, Anuoluwapo was told to fill the visitor's form. "Coming here is for formality sake I am definitely leaving Lagos state today." He told himself as he waited to be called in. After ten minutes a sonorous voice called him.

"Mr. Gabriel Anuoluwapo, the principal and proprietor will see you now." Dressed in the Jersey of football club, the Chelsea fc, a faded jean and a palm slipper he stood up, went into the principal's office.

The panel consisted of four people, the proprietor, principal, the headmistress and the vice principal. After several minutes of question and answer that made Anu appeared like a jerk, he was taken into the class for classroom management test. When the test was over, he had already expended two hours of his time. He was told to wait at the reception, while they consulted.

After what seemed to Anuoluwapo like eternity of waiting, the secretary gave him, an envelope and chuckled as she turned to go.

"You're to start work immediately." She came back to inform him. Anu wasn't sure he heard her correctly. He was already heading out believing that the content of the letter was rejection. So, he opened the envelope and saw two letters. One was letter of appointment and the other terms of contract. There was also a bonus cheque for wardrobe allowance.

He basic salary five thousand five hundred Naira including bonuses like lesson bonus, exam bonus amongst others. The seventeen-year-old boy couldn't hide his joy as he grinned from ear to ear. He hastily tucks in the letter back into the brown envelope and went to the principal's office where the deal was completely sealed. Mr. Teacher resumed in basic three his duty post. Anu taught that class for the whole term. His promotion came within four months of working with Reima Royal School. He was promoted to be the class teacher of basic five, one of the high ranked classes in the primary section. His life as a staff of the school seemed to blossom every month. Within six months, he had been promoted twice.

On October 15th, exactly six months after his employment with the school he received a letter notifying him of his transfer to the school's Tutorial Centre, where he would serve as the secretary. The letter read,

"Dear Mr. Gabriel Anuoluwapo,

It is with great delight we appreciate your positive attitude to work and the zeal you have in seeing your work through. It is in this regard that we write to notify you of your great contributions to this equally great school's vision and mission statement. It also motivates us to grant you another opportunity to give you more room to explore your leadership in the pre-university situated at Agbado - Ijaiye road where you will serve as the secretary with a slight modification of your initial contract.

We believe that your ever ready attitude to work will earn us better reputation and bring us to our mission statement as we hope you that you will accept this offer and resume work in your new office tomorrow.

We wish the best of luck in this new position.

"But why!" Anu complained to no one in particular. "Maybe I'll just quit altogether." He said finally.

But he didn't as he kept doing the job and doing so wonderfully well. He had quickly forgotten the boredom he experienced in his first weeks in the air-conditioned office, equipped with computers and other office equipment. Waec and Jamb tutorial classes had commenced two months into his resumption as the secretary of the centre. He gave out forms and registered students almost every minute of day at work daily.

His earlier thoughts of changing his environment had been jettisoned because his new work and its environment were the factors responsible for his satisfaction with life. He attended the much-hated church at least once in a week. He had become what people call Sunday, Sunday Christian as this is the only day he went to church. He worked Monday through Saturday from 8am till 7pm. He became a workaholic and spent most of his time at work with other tutors and administrative staff.

His work within the educational system stimulate and renewed his desire to further his studies. Since he was lucky to have made his SSCE results at one sitting he obtained a jamb form. He was continually mocked at church and home, especially on Sundays when couldn't escape into his work. Public holidays for him were usually not spent at home. He would rather prefer visiting his co-teachers.

After all his mother had always told him and his brother that, "If you stare at your giants too much, their fear will overtake you." Anu resorted to keeping his eyes on the prize and not the price. He believed those mocking him were only trying to demotivate him and so he made up his mind never to be to be demoralized or downcast, even when their destructive criticisms struck him to the ground. He made up his mind that no matter what he was going to win the prize and was unconcerned about how much price he had to pay.

Overtime Anu learned to ignore his fear, he had picked up his life and was focused on making it meaningful. On the 1st of April 2010 he began a relationship with Alice Adegoke, one of the most committed Jamb students. Alice had recently finished from Government College, Oyo and she was seeking admission into Tai Solarin University of Education, Ijebu Ode.

The romantic journey had hurriedly started for Anuoluwapo. He took Alice to his mother's one-room apartment, narrated his life experience to her and the young lady either by compassion or by love had not failed in showering praises on Anuoluwapo. She would advise and encourage him. Oftentimes, she would reiterate to Anuoluwapo the same words Bukola had said to him and Femi.

"If you allow your past to overcome you by listening to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been. I am not a product of a broken home, but I have experienced almost everything you passed through. My life has also been sharpened by abject poverty, but I and my family are what we are today because we glance at our problems and stare at Jesus." The teenager would innocently implore her boyfriend, "Remember, if David had run from Goliath he would never have been king of Israel." To Anuoluwapo he believed he and Alice would be together forever however, after four months of romantic journey, she moved on and over him. It was at this time Anuoluwapo's eyes became clear that Alice had been using him and she had forgotten all about immediately she secured admission into her chosen tertiary institution.

But one valuable thing he gained from the relationship was how she led him to God and taught him how to pray. This of course was so instrumental in achieving his self- reliance.

He did his best to gain admission, but all efforts seemed futile. He even paid Twenty thousand Naira to influence his way into Obafemi Awolowo University, this too was fruitless. One day one of senior colleague at work who usually assisted people with admission suggested to him,

"Bring some money let me help you into University of Ibadan."

"Don't worry sir. Let me use my IQ this time. After all, I wrote my Jamb myself and I scored two hundred and forty three. Let me give it a try on my own and if I fail I will know I thrashed my chances myself and I won't blame you for it. So, please allow me sir but give me the necessary information and that will do me."

Despite his reluctance to interfere in helping him with the remaining option that validated his jamb score, Mr. Akpan took Anu to a young admission veteran who knew what he wanted. Two months passed and nothing was heard of Anu's admission story. He had applied to study Sociology at the University of Ibadan but invitation to write post UTME did not come, confused and perplexed he worked with his master. All the other admission seekers appeared to have secured admission including his first girlfriend, Alice.

After months of waiting, University of Ibadan had completed the first and second phase of admission unknown to Anu but with the intervention of Abiodun, a post graduate student of the school. He was the one that informed him that the third and final phase of admission was on-going.

"All you need to do is obtain a change of course form with the pin that you were given when you were applying for the second choice registration." Abiodun advised him. Anu with the undying zeal of breaking away from the generational curse of academic stagnancy quickly did the change of course and patiently wait on being invited for the post UTME.

The young man had lived in nerve-wracking fear that once he missed this golden opportunity that meant he would have to wait for another Jamb the following year. Instead of focusing on his fears he chose to confront the threat head on and started preparing for the exam with the mindset that he would be invited. His positive attitude paved way for him as he got the invite at exactly 8:47pm on November 8th 2010. The text message from the Nigeria's premier University read,

"Congratulations Gabriel Anuoluwapo, you have been shortlisted and hereby invited to participate in the post UTME exercise that will take place on Tuesday 9th of November 2010 by 8:30 am at the large lecture theatre. Visit www.admissions.ui.edu.ng to print your invitation letter.

Note: this is not a letter of admission." Anuoluwapo was greeted with mixed feelings, the ecstasy of his long-anticipated victory and the thought getting to Ibadan before 8:30am the following prevented from jubilating. Again, he had never travelled out of Lagos since he was born.

He ran back to office like a mad man, informed his boss of the latest developments and the need for leave of absence. He got home around 10pm.

"I am going to Ibadan tomorrow" he told his mum as soon as he entered.

"Why? What for? And why are you just telling me now?" She threw questions after questions at him.

"For post UTME." He muttered already preoccupied with the thought of how he would get to UI the following day and before 8:30am.

"Ibadan is two hours' drive from Lagos." contributed Femi who was lying on bed.

"If I leave this house by 4am, I'll get to Oshodi before 5am and by 6am Ibadan vehicle will move and by 8am we should be in UI." Anu thought restlessly. Since he couldn't sleep, he decided to pick his books and tried to do final preparations for screening.

Exactly eleven forty-five am, he arrived the school premises took a drop to the faculty of the social sciences.

"Where is psychology department holding their screening?" he asked one old man.

"I don't know." The Old man replied as Anuoluwapo stretched a hundred Naira note to him, the man gave him the directions. He hurried towards the direction of the old man and came face to face with a tall building. The electronic sign board displayed "The Faculty of The Social Sciences".

He went in searching for large lecture theatre, he got there and discovered the building was under lock and key. Quickly he brought out his invitation letter he had managed to print at the students' union building some minutes ago. Contrary to the message he got, the invitation letter carried room 022, with much tenacity fueled with fear, he ran here and there asking people where room 022 was. "Over there." One of the students pointed to the room along the corridor, adjacent the departmental office of Geography. As he came in, a tall slim guy had entered with him. They went straight to where a pot- bellied man was seated.

"Why are you just coming?" The pot-bellied man asked gruffly.

"We were delayed by traffic jam at Mokola where a petrol tanker fell." Anu and the tall guy replied fearfully.

"Okay." The pot-bellied man gullibly believed them. He gave them forms to fill. Fortunately for them they were still attending to those whose surname started from letter B. In less than five minutes of their arrival it was time for those whose surname started with letter G to be attended to. Their names were called and Anuoluwapo was the first on the list.

"Those with "G" starting their surname "Gabriel Anuoluwapo, Gbadebo Esther and Gbenoba Vincent, follow me." The short dark man commanded hoarsely. It was the judgment time, the three candidates took turn to be screened in the Head of department office. If appearance was part of the things that would influence the panel's judgment, Anuoluwapo would fail in that regard because he was dressed in torn trouser stitched with white thread.

After twenty minutes of the exercise, the whole process was over.

"They said results will be out next week and that admission list will come out the following week." Two girls were talking excitedly to themselves after the screening, Anuoluwapo who felt embittered after the exam with heart palpitating left the area to prevent himself from further heartbreaking news.

Chapter Six

THE FUTURE IS NOT A TIME ZONE

I vividly recall the story of a man who became popular for engaging in money rituals just to buy the 80's edition of the Honda Prelude, you wouldn't buy that car for 50k today. A guy brutally murdered his brother just because he wanted to acquire the rave of the moment Pathfinder Jeep. That same vehicle is now better described as a coffin today which was yesterday's future and that has changed the story.

I remember as a kid, my whole street gathered at a neighbour's house to watch a drama shown on a "double-door black & white television". Today there is plasma television and it's found in almost every student's room; that is to tell you it's only a time factor for change to occur.

Some ladies left their true loves because some rich guy persuaded them with a Benz 190, which turned out to be the only car they ever owned till date. They found out too late that true love is invaluable. What about Santana, Mercedes Benz V boot, 505 Evolution, Toyota Crown? All those cars are overtaken by latest models of Camry, Honda, Bugatti, Bentley, X6, Acura and Infinity today. It is the handiwork of time and human efforts!

A guy declared drinks because he launched the Nokia-3310 phone in 2002. Today, that phone will embarrass the owner and is a joke compared to the low cost everyday phones available now. What about the MTN SIM card that many people went extra miles to buy for over thirty thousand naira; today, you won't buy it at Eke market here in Okposi because all networks are begging people to even take it for free. That's also the work of time and season.

People are still making the most horrific sacrifices over what's not supposed to be, living a life void of productivity, they dwell much on the past, languishing in pain today and making no efforts to save the days ahead.

What was your yesterday like? What intention did you have? What action did you take to see that it succeeded? What has become of it today?

You must be wondering why the stories or lullaby you assume it to be. It's simply because some people have turned off their memory and have failed to think of a day after today. The moment different from the moment you are spending to read this book is called "THE FUTURE." It is the hours to come, the seconds away from now and that day where all lazy men have hidden their fictitious and unrealistic ambitions all in the name of "TIME." You hear some of them saying "in the nearest future I know I will be richer than Dangote. I know it's just a matter of time."

A scholar said" The future is not a time zone that is yet to come. It is everything you can be but has not become, it is everything that you can do but haven't done yet and the future is that thing you must become but haven't worked out".

Looking back on Anuoluwapo's dream of becoming a graduate before age 24, getting married at 25 and starting his own family with his path defined at a tender age. He had a dream, after which the astute dreamy young man at the age of 17 had started laying bricks for the foundation of his dream. He was not only conscious of time; he was also prudent in his career building. At age 14 he said." I want to school either Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU) or University of Ibadan (UI)."

At the age of 17 he had obtained Jamb form, chosen these two prominent universities. One thing was noteworthy, he wanted the best and took the best path. Another mysterious thing about him was he knew the two schools were difficult for the poor to get into, yet he remained undaunted. One of the Alumni of UI who happened to be his neighbour had discouraged him when his mother told him to seek the opinion of who was once in his shoes.

"Sir, what must I do to be admitted into UI?"

"Ah Ah Ah Ah!" Wasiu burst into laughter. "With your kind of educational background?" He mocked further. "Well, let me see your Jamb form." He inquired in attempt to further discourage him "Oh! You even chose UI as second choice. "OK, thank you sir." He was demoralized and left in shame

What this young man faced at OAU could not demotivate him. He picked change of course form at UI and kept chasing his dreams in spite of life travails. What message does that send to you? QUITTING WAS NOT AN OPTION FOR HIM. Even when the mother told him, "Wait for your time." he was quick to nip that in the bud: "You will experience some opposition in life no matter what you do Mum, remember you always told me that." He reminded her. "So, my time is now.

You have always told me to do something that people won't expect and you also added that it will keep these people from thinking they have me tucked away nicely in a little box of their own design. So, mummy let me face my future and overcome the fears that come with it. I know it's for an appointed time and it will also pass." He submitted.

Taking it from there, have you seen today as an appointed time that will also pass? Preparation equips us to move confidently. Many people lack confidence simply because they are not properly prepared for what they attempt to do. There may be a variety of reasons why they lack preparation. For instance, they may not even appreciate the importance of preparation or they are lazy or too busy doing nothing.

Imagine someone with the ambition of becoming a medical doctor without the interest of undergoing a training or classes of anatomy. Perhaps there is any expert you can easily think of who did not practice or prepare?

Another key thing is the kind of preparation you need. The kind of preparation you need depends on what you want to become or do in the future. For many people, schooling is the first type of preparation they get but for others that isn't possible. A student who got pregnant during exams period and had to stay away school for some months might be deprived of pursuing her degree or better might be delayed.

What does the future hold? Not even an astrologer can predict correctly what the future holds. I mean if a sorcerer could do that why did the prediction of the herbalist that Anuoluwapo would die before age 7 fail? You will agree with me that no one for sure knows what the future holds, and this lack of knowledge about the future throws the door of fear open.

What if I fail the exam? What if the lecturer fails me? What if I lose the election? What if the robbers cart away my wealth? What will I be after NYSC? Wondering about things we don't have answers throws the door open for fear.

In my past, I was afraid I could never go through some of the things that brought the supermen down. But with joy, I faced those things the extra ordinary men could not overcome graciously. Therefore, I tell you emphatically that for the future to come, you must pass through today.

The reason why the future oftentimes ends in jeopardy is because we look at our past so intently that we forget that we are in another day and we have a new opportunity.

It is useless to worry about anything and even triple useless to worry about something that is over and done with for which nothing can be done to change it. If you made a mistake in the past that can be rectified, why not right the wrong?

But if you cannot do anything about it, why not be remorseful, ask for forgiveness and forge ahead! Maybe you don't know that worry is a waste of time valuable time and energy. So why worry?

Don't give the mistakes of previous years a chance or allow the past to disrupt your future. Millions of people have destroyed their today that was yesteryears future by being glued to their past and till now they live regretting it because they can't do anything about it.

In the previous chapters we read about Bukola saying "I will feel guilty about my past for the rest of my life and

I will never get over those misdeeds of my past because they will forever hunt me."

Sometimes fear makes the future seem like a time zone. It makes you run away from today and chase the wind of what the next second holds.

For instance, on the 25th of May 2015, the NYSC orientation camp closed, and the next phase of life was to begin. We were to get the letter of posting to place of primary assignment and I was occupied with the worry of being posted to the Snakes Island or any place other than that state capital. I worried to the extent that my thoughts became dreadful to me. The period of collecting my letter and checking my details of deployment became the future I would soon face but I had no clue of what it looked like.

My heart palpitated, I began to sweat profusely, my brain failed, and I made a mess of the then present. I could not focus on my potentials rather I was filled with fear of the unknown. This protracted into the future. In less than 3hours the closing ceremony was over; I became physiologically aroused as I went to the ground my platoon members were collecting their posting letter.

I saw people gathered and were asking one another questions "Where are you posted?" The question ruled the atmosphere. You could hear it in almost every conversation because the over two thousand corps members scattered in their platoons' post had that question on their lips.

As soon as I got the A4 paper printed note, my racing heart doubled its speed when I saw Ohaozara local government area. My mind traveled to the television set in my room where I used to watch the Nat-geo wild programme on the dish. Then my phobia for snakes triggered further fear in me.

Collecting the letter commenced the new moment that was a future before and the today became a past immediately I discovered my place of primary assignment to be Okposi, Ohazara Local government. Again, I didn't remember my potentials that could have averted the situation at hand. The fear of where I will spend the next 11 months of my life crept into my heart that had been preoccupied with the fear of the Snake Island and the regrets of the past that I had spent being the director of socials of my platoon and a newscaster at OBS. Instead of facing what was before me and rise, the thought of forgetting how to leave the future and run took over me.

All we need to face the future is courage. You must be courageous enough to confront your future head-on. In other words, face today's challenges that birth tomorrow head on. Again, the future needs you to break away from people's expectation. In other words, don't let people around you make the choice of pursuit for you. I remember I have told you this earlier in the chapter, I therefore buttress adding that Many times the expectations people put on us are unrealistic.

Sometimes it seems everyone expects something different, but one thing is certain, they expect you to keep them happy and give them what they want at the expense of your own future.

It has been statistically proven that 10% of people will never like you. So why not stop trying to have a perfect record with everyone? Just like Fannie Hurst put it, "A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far." So also some of us who really want a future will have to exert twice as good efforts as those who saw the need to prepare for the future but didn't panic or allowed themselves to be overtaken by fear.

They exert lesser efforts than we who strive much in fear but unfortunately, we only achieve half of what they achieved with little resources. By so doing we have come a long way achieving little and still have a longer way to go!

Although we are yet to ascertain what really was the prize Anuoluwapo eventually clinched but we have been able to decipher how discernible his understanding of the future was and until you and I see future not as a time zone, we won't stop watching the hand of time doing nothing and celebrating our deaths even while we live. This has been the fate of many dead men walking. They will rather spend their life complaining about those who hinder them, and how materials were not sufficient. They have failed to understand that the world is tired of seeing the faces of failures. They still pitch their tent with the phenomenon that life has moved away from and complain about loneliness and how they have been deserted.

May I let you know that for you to be a force that will be reckoned with in this ever competing world, you have got to be a problem solver rather be a problem to be solved by the government. The world is in dire need of numerous solutions to the ever increasing nemesis catching up with it. So, what have you got to offer? Abraham Owoseni said, "Man is a product of choices." You are what you are today by your choice of yesterday and the future will be delivered by the choices of today.

The prize being aimed at in life has to do with the price that comes with it. You will achieve nothing when you do nothing. Life itself is an adventure and you need the map to have a fun filled journey while you pay the price for the prize however remember that the FUTURE IS NOT A TIMEZONE!
Chapter Seven

SELF HANDICAPPING AND THE UNENDING LIFE BATTLE

Having written University of Ibadan post UTME three weeks earlier, Anuoluwapo seemed to have moved on from waiting since nothing was forthcoming. He had agreed with Taiwo Odunmbaku to purchase for him the change of institution form because he didn't choose Moshood Abiola Polytechnic in his Jamb form, he had chosen Polytechnic of Ibadan as first and second choice.

He had taken his destiny into his hands with tenacity resisting the family cycle as much as he could. Though nothing seemed to be working now, but his vigor appeared revitalized. He continued working as the organization's secretary, yet he knew his service days were numbered. If asked why he thought so he would say "not because I will be sacked but because I will be going to school soon".

Even though no admission was forthcoming, but he had remained optimistic. "It might be tough on me to set the pace I dreamt of, but I would definitely swim through it." He often said to himself whenever he felt the arm of discouragement reaching him. No one in his family had gone to the University not to talk of serving the father land.

He had always told himself, "Anuoluwapo, if you are going to break away from this cycle called Handicapping, you must run with endurance, and to achieve this you have to develop success as a habit, find time to think on your road map daily and expect bumps of life called challenges." This he did for weeks in his boring office that had become deserted by customers because the exams season was over.

From 8am to 6pm daily, he would watch the moving vehicles at the corridor of his office. Working in this place had never been this tedious, in fact it was more of a triangular thing; from home to office and office to opening of lecture rooms downstairs for days.

During the times Anuoluwapo had finished from high school, people always made jest of him. As a matter of fact, his mother had been embarrassed in church severally all because the young boy was pursuing his dreams and stayed away from church during weekdays.

The man over the church had covertly and overtly condemned this spirit of determination the young man had carried even has the chain of destiny held him back. He had always responded to critics with "I know they will celebrate me and with me but unfortunately my time is yet to come." Because he had seen people fail, he had watched his parents fail and he had equally had his own share of the sad part of life.

Anuoluwapo had recently been afraid because those who never gave him opportunity to try were earnestly waiting for his ramifications. Many who started this phase of life with him had gone far and he has remained stagnant.

The thought of what would become of him and his dreams of breaking away with the unending family battle had hovered round him as bees would surround the nectar. This obsessive thought made him introverted, he preferred thinking to discussing, and he would ruminate and at intervals smiled to reassure himself of the journey ahead and the anticipated victory that comes with it.

Anuoluwapo's phone had repeatedly rung but the exhausted young man was too deep in sleep to be easily woken up. The caller having called severally without success had resorted into sending a text. After six hours of deep sleep, Anuoluwapo woke up, swimming in the pool of thought of the mystery he saw in his dream. By his time, it was 7:02am, "Ah! What kind of nap is this?!"

He exclaimed as he jumped out of bed. He had slept for hours instead of napping for a few minutes as he intended before joining other youths decorating the church auditorium in preparation of the Adult harvest of his church.

Whether it was the Jean trouser that entered him or he entered the trouser, something was sure, he was on a blue Jean and quickly picked up his phone and the harmless blue shirt in his dirty clothes rack and took off.

Going through his Asha 201 Nokia phone he saw several missed calls from the same caller, "Why was Damilola calling?" He thought to himself and he discovered he had sent text also. He opened the inbox with heart filled with curiosity. "Guy, UI don release admission list oooo. I checked it last night, I saw your name and mine." His mind travelled immediately; the mind had thought several things in less than a minute. He was hyperactive and ecstatic.

"Dami won't have lied" he talked to himself as he accessed University of Ibadan website through the Opera mini app on his phone. He navigated the Web and clicked on the part of the interface indicating the undergraduate admission list. With no patience, he swiftly jumped the long list and located faculty of the social sciences.

He was so impatient that he had jumped department of psychology's list, he was furious and had to calm himself down. He started from department of economics again, meticulously scrolled through geography, patiently viewed political science list and finally psychology. He was the number twelve on the list "0551616fh" he echoed the jamb registration number in correlation with his name. He jumped up, shouted "I CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING IN LIFE."

He was more euphoric than someone who won millions of Naira in a Naira betting game. He slammed the door and bolted off for the church, where he elatedly searched for his mother and brother to share with them his good news.

At that point, he was obviously less concerned about what anybody would say, after all he had patiently waited for the day, he would gain independence and pursue his dream. As soon as stepped outside the gate, members of the church who had seen him started lashing out at him. "I am sorry." He pleaded and left them in search for his mother. "Mummy!" He called out to her, his face was filled with much excitement, and the butterflies in his belly would not let him be.

"Guess what mummy?" He was so excited that he had forgotten to perform the morning ritual of the African people.

"Have you seen me this morning?" Bukola asked with a stern look.

"E mabinu ma." (I am sorry ma) prostrating on the floor as he apologized. Trust adrenalin, everything he did was hyperactive. It was then Bukola knew some luck had met the son in the way, but what it was remained unknown to her. He called his brother, who was stepping outside the church. He quickly dragged the brother close "I am sorry." he said. "Guess what?" He added immediately. The mother was still in the dark,

"Tell me what you have to say and stop wasting my time." The impatient Femi slammed, dragging his held hand off Anu.

"OK, since you have refused to guess, enough of drama then. As I speak to you, I am an undergraduate of University of Ibadan." The only thing Bukola got that made her understand was the mentioning of UI.

"You have been offered admission in UI?" She asked dubiously since she couldn't believe her luck.

"Yes!" Anuoluwapo said, narrating and showing them the Web page that contained his name. "I told you it is my time." He reminded his mother. As anticipated, he took turns apologizing to everyone he met that day for his absence from the all-night decoration of the church. He must have sounded unremorseful, especially to those who felt he was becoming proud over nothing. Throughout the Thanksgiving service, he danced like no one else in the entire church. No one except the mother and brother understood his source of unique joy.

It might appear he was lucky, no he was hardworking. At age 18, someone from the Gabriel Yinka's family will be making a university matriculation feat. Amidst, the joy, the young man did not cease to think but his rumination had taken a different direction.

In the days that followed, he would think of what the future held, whether he would be victorious or vanquished, whether he would be rubbed with the parents failure, if he would continue the cycle or break it. And he would remember the saying that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Whatever was happening at that point in his vicinity, was of no concern to him because he had a new course to chart.

"The next four years is quite going to be different, for the next four years, I am going to determine when I wake up, I am going to live outside my mother's watch for the first time in 18 years. I will be making new friends and having a new life." These he thought within himself as he packed his bag for the next visit to Ibadan.

This time as an undergraduate of the premier University. He had long waited for this day. While he was thinking, he remembered money he had given Taiwo to purchase for him the change of institution forms some days ago. He picked his phone and dialed her number.

"Hello Taiwo, what's up?"

"I am fine." the tiny voice replied.

"Have you bought the form?" Anu asked

"No, I intend buying it tomorrow."

"OK. Don't bother buying for me, just send the money to my account."

Astonished, the young lady asked, "Why?"

"As I speak to you, I am tiding up my things getting ready to go to Ibadan tomorrow for my admission clearance at the University of Ibadan." He replied with his chest puffed out and pronouncing the school name syllable by syllable with so much pride like someone who had just won a lotto.

"Congratulations ooooo. I am so happy for you." the voice concluded and dropped the call afterward.

He dialed another number, this time it was Damilola Olayinka, his high school classmate, they met in UI some weeks back during the post UTME exercise, they put in for the same course and were both admitted. He was the one who updated Anu of his admission status. When the call had connected, he said "When are you going to Ibadan?"

"Maybe next week, when my cousin is ready."

"OK. I will be going tomorrow." Anuoluwapo said and dropped the call again.

Days after the 'Jambite' had arrived at Ibadan, the Jaja (University health center) clearance had forced him to stop coming from Challenge, where his relative live. He, Dami and Bayo Dami's cousin had all bargained with the porters of Tedder hall for temporary accommodation.

They were given the key to room A21, where they stayed during their clearance period. Anuoluwapo decided to call Alice Adegoke's number, the first and only girlfriend he ever had.

"Good morning." said the sonorous voice, having picked the call at exactly 15 minutes past 3 in the morning.

"How are you, where have you been and how is everything?" The myriad questions leaped out of Alice like Pepsi will gas off the bottle. It was like a rehearsed script as Anuoluwapo took his lines perfectly. The 18-year-old undergraduate of Tai Solarin University of Education was shocked with the aberration he perceived in the way her ex-boyfriend spoke. She had always been able to predict him, but his attitude now was quite at discord with the knowledge of the young man she dated for months.

"How is mummy, your brother and work?" She continued the questions series. "My mum and brother are fine but for the work, I won't work for the rest of my life without furthering my studies." He replied chuckling as he stared at the beautiful love garden decorated with flowers and glowing light in front of Tedder hall, adjacent the University's admission block.

"I am sorry. How far with your admissions?"

"Well, to the glory of Almighty God, I am now an undergraduate of the Nigeria's premier University, University of Ibadan. As we speak, I am being cleared in all quarters." She screamed in surprise.

"You said it and you did it, I am so proud of you dear. You are really a true man of dreams. And how are the sisters?" Anu already knew where she was going and her motive for the sarcastic question.

"Don't even go there at all." He commanded

"Don't tell me you don't have a relationship." She countered

"Of course, no!" Anu replied emphatically. "You think what you did was right? This time, he was down to earth, he continued speaking emotionally. "I gave you my all, but you gave me nothing. I was cool with it, but you eventually rubbed on the floor what took me a great deal of courage to come up with." When they met, if anyone had told Anuoluwapo that out of the beautiful ladies among those who came for the tutorial class, Alice would be his girlfriend, he could have denied. But how he fell for her remained inexplicable but the only thing he knew was love found him.

"Can we start again?" She remorsefully begged.

"Why not?" Anuoluwapo, the Romeo agreed. It was a night of tears and it wasn't until the MTN impersonal voice reminded Anu that his call credit remained one minute did he look at his phone. It was 5:07am, the duo had spoken for more than three hours but it felt like minutes. Since the extra cool period was over by 4:30am, the network provider had started deducting his airtime.

The third of December 2010 marked the revival of the relationship established on April 1st the same year after the unprecedented hiccup that led to the breakup. As soon as the call was over, he smiled and said to himself, "Women and their love for success. What if I had failed in securing the admission? That means I have automatically lost my queen." He thought and thanked his stars before sleep took him away with a sweet smile on his face.

He returned to Lagos on the 23rd of December after the long weeks of carrying files from one office to another. When he got home, it was like he had just returned from Dubai, everyone had come in their numbers to welcome him.

The story of his admission success had gone round the community, in fact Mrs. Akintunde who once shut him up exactly a year ago when he was talking to her daughter on the need for further education.

Upon sighting her and the daughter as they and others thronged in, he remembered her embarrassing speech when he said, "Why don't you take GCE form while you wait for your SSCE results? This will enable you to take Jamb form almost immediately the two exams results are out." At that moment, Mrs. Akintunde heard him interrupted him rudely, "What have you done with your life since you left school?

Have you gained admission into the University or polytechnic?" He attempted replying her, but the embittered statement crippled his will to respond. "I am sorry." he said and left shamefacedly.

Seeing mother and daughter who had denounced his advice of 'yesterday' came in together with group of well-wishers who had come to congratulate him on his academic success. He kept smiling at everybody, the rejected stone had become a cornerstone. The monument lived in his memory, he giggled at interval as he reminisces on how his mother and the handicapping family situation had spurred him to success.

"I am sure if daddy was here, you might not have achieved this feat." Femi had told him. "People without parental handicapping, who have both parents living together with the children have tried giving this kind of joy to their wards severally but failed because grace had not found them and their children are yet to be taught secret of success."

The euphoria of admission success had momentarily taken the back seat as how to pay the school fees, accommodation and every other bills had eaten up the mind of the fatherless child like the dog will battle with the bone after moment of starvation.

Luckily for him, the neighbours started bringing in gifts. Some brought money, some brought foodstuffs, others brought both and until the New Year when Anuoluwapo departed for the journey ahead the gifts never stopped coming.

He gathered them all into a big Ghana must go bag and departed for the undergraduate life on the 3rd day of January 2011.

Registration commenced simultaneously in every quarter. From hostel to department, library, faculty and many other organizations on campus. 'Jambites' as Anuoluwapo and cohorts were called, had started enjoying the new world of freedom. The only guide to his path was the words of exaltation of the mothers and the street parents. They had severally warned him against bad group and how he needed to flee from any evil appearance.

"Be of good conduct on campus and remember the son of whom you are." His mother had severely warned him. "Remember, I have no one except God, you and your brother. Please do this family proud and mind what you have gone to do there." Neighbors also had pieces of advice for the handicapped hero.

"Remember circumstances birthed by your parents might have crippled your potentials of making it early in life, and you had the opportunity of becoming a runaway child, joining several numbers of fatherless and orphanages under Oshodi Bridge. You had the opportunity of joining gangs on the street to share bottles of alcohol.

You had the opportunity of sleeping around with ladies but instead you Gabriel Anuoluwapo motivated yourself to be what you are today regardless of people like me who were your major critic. Situations around gave you opportunity of being free like other children to make your choice in life but in spite the impediments, in spite of the family battle you rose above all this conglomeration of negativity.

So, as much as you want to prove to others out there that your choice of who you are today was not by luck, you have the next four years of your life to write your name in gold. In your family, you may be the first to write jamb once and gain admission almost immediately to the university and not just anyone but University of Ibadan, mind you, you won't be the last. For generations coming to be proud of this feat, you have a lot to do, the incredible stares at you, the unachievable confronts you and rest assured the unending family battle will give you a run for your money.

And finally, be who you have ever been and remember the son of whom you are, know what you want and achieve it in the most acceptable way, God will be with you" Mr. Solomon who flogged him with broom in Vigil six years earlier admonished him stretching two one thousand Naira new notes to him.

"Thank you, sir," he said and bade him farewell.

The memory of how everyone bade him farewell with words of encouragement had with time decayed from his memory. The rave of the moment had taken over, he had no direction and he was unperturbed. Being a university student, he had no idea of the grading system.

His high school friend, Damilola still remained his friend but Anuoluwapo never for once joined them in discussing how to achieve academic success but deep within him he dreaded 'Tsunami', the compulsory advice called Withdraw from the University. His fear filled heart made him restless one day at the school library when he attempted reading for the first time. "Good evening sister, Can I have some words with you?"

"Why not?"

"Thank you?" Can you tell me how to compute my cgpa, since they said UI is the only school in Nigeria that uses 7.0 gp and at what point will someone be Tsunamised?" He asked fearfully.

"For the Cgpa calculation, I don't have an idea because I am a fresher too." With surprise already drawing Nigeria map on his face, he gazed at her, she smiled nodding in affirmation of the fact that she was a fellow 'Jambite'. She continued, "For the Tsunami, once a student doesn't meet the necessary minimum requirements he or she would be asked to withdraw from the University." As soon she mentioned "asked to withdraw" his heart palpitated, in response to the fearfully conditioned stimulus 'Tsunami'.

In spite of this he didn't reduce how much time he used out of the newly gained freedom, especially after February 11th when his studentship had been officially confirmed with the oath taking ceremony called matriculation. He had been going after girls and his friendship network had almost every minute of the day gotten expanded.

He had kept friend of different nature, both drunkards, smokers, the rapist, the Godly and every good and bad friend your heart can think of. The most influencing area these new friends strengthened was philandering. He found it easy and comfortable to woo girls at any available opportunity. Whether he was not walking in the counsel of the ungodly became untrue when he started following his new gang to female hostel at night.

The suave ones amidst them would sleep with the easy ladies at the roadside since sleeping with them in the room almost became impossible due to the Christian sister roommates. After weeks of being used to the system they no longer go to Awo hall, Idia and Queens hall to check on these ladies anymore, they would go there when they want to "fish" once their fish had been trapped they would continue from there in their notorious demarcated corners inside their own hostel.

***********

Chinyere, his new friend whom he met at the Kenneth Dike Library had requested to come so that they could solve 'Introduction to economics 1 together' an elective course for Anu.

"Please come. I have been finding that course challenging." He readily agreed.

In less than thirty minutes she called again. "I am at the gate of your hall. Come and pick me before your fellow Zikites start doing 'Aro' for me." He hurriedly wore a round neck shirt as he went to meet her. After five minutes they arrived at his shelved corner with curtain. "Come inside." Anu said as he led her inside the corner meant for Freshers. Despite offering her a seat, she went and sat on the laid bed with her laps widely apart. Anu was indifferent and immediately brought out the economics textbook written by Frank and Bernanke.

"Since Prof. travelled, I don't understand what Dr. teaches oooo. The topics Prof taught are the only topics I am sure of and test will be coming soon. I can't afford to fool myself."

Immediately he completed the sentence, he noticed what looked like a mirage, Chinyere's G-string pant was now outside, the gown had also been rolled up and for the second time in nineteen years, Anu was seeing a vagina. He had first seen it when Chioma, his neighbour seduced him and almost raped him exactly a year ago when he was preparing for Jamb.

He was glued to the Oval shape looking organ, was aroused and was off guard. His conscience had disappeared, he was not thinking anything than how to solve the equation at hand. She stared at him as she continued the seduction, in less than three minutes, the gown was half removed, and the nipples of her breast exposed.

Anu became defenseless, he stood up from the chair, approached her and located her lips and continued from where he stopped with Alice Adegoke months back in his office when he was a secretary at the tutorial Centre.

It was obvious the teenager enjoyed kissing; he was in that position for more than twenty minutes. The lady got what she wanted and led him on, she took his right hand and made him play with the nipple, and she giggled as the young man did the job like he had been trained years back. She seemed to want more satisfaction than what was coming from the breasts.

He put his hands in the already wet vagina, right on the clitoris the hand of the naive man landed, she screamed like an innocent baby playing with toys would scream. At that moment she noticed he wasn't enjoying it, she reached out for his penis, for Anu, it was the first time the opposite sex would be fondling him. His heart skipped a beat and like a little boy he became euphoric.

She continued the foreplay, until he was fully turned on. Moments later, the young man had become sexually alive, she opened his zip completely and brought the innocent looking penis out, she leaped for joy as she completely undressed herself laid on the bed and asked him to enter her. This he didn't hesitate to do, he landed on her as they kept smiling. "This is all you have been missing." She said to him.

"Did I tell her am a virgin?" Lost in thought immediately he didn't know professional knows amateur. His penis became lifeless as he thought, sensing her words had unsettled him, she circled her palm around the penis and like magic blood surged into it.

But instead of doing what she expected he shouted and stood up, for the first time in two hours his conscience came alive. He sat on the bed stark naked. His noise woke Michael, one of his roommates who had been sleeping for hours. When Chinyere noticed the noise had attracted someone she never knew was in the room, she covered herself with bed sheets and used the pillow to cover Anuoluwapo's penis. Michael opened the curtain, saw both of them, greeted them and went back to his corner.

She appeared sad but he was sadder, however for different reasons they were in such mood. She hissed, stood up and got dressed. For minutes, the young man had thought of numerous things.

He now remembered he had missed the departmental orientation programme, what has become of him in just two months on campus, how he had answered several altar calls made at all the Christian Freshers welcome he went but had not yielded to any, despite publicly coming to announce Jesus as his Lord and personal Saviour. Angrily, Chinyere left his room neither biding him farewell nor asked him why he had remained speechless.

After an hour of remorsefulness, it was six forty-five in the evening, he went to fetch water and had a bath. He had missed the departmental orientation programme where all he needed to survive in the department of psychology would have been critically discussed. He put his shirt on and went to Mount Zion, Awo hall car park, where a Freshers welcome programme was to hold. Like every other fresher, his motive for going was item 7.

As he got to the white garment church, things were doctrinally different from what he used to know of the church. With little concern, he took a seat and watched the preacher deliver the same sermon he had been hearing since he started attending the very first Freshers welcome program by the Assembly of Unibadan Christian Students Fellowship (Aucsf).

His mind locked up, his ears blocked, all he anticipated was when the item 7 would be served and how long that would take. Just before the usual altar call was announced, the man of God on the pulpit by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit narrated what the young Anuoluwapo had done before coming for the programme without adding or subtracting.

"If you are here stand up and come and identify with the man who has paid your price and has forgiven you your sins." The man of God who was in his early thirties declared. Anu discovered he wasn't the only one as more than half of the Freshers who came for the program heeded the altar call. The man of God prayed with the over 50 people who made the personal confessions and their details were taken for follow up.

That was how Anu came to the knowledge of the fact that being born by those who go to church doesn't make him a Christian. He came to understand that Christianity is a lifestyle and not a religion. He went to the technical unit and collected the message he heard live but turned deaf hears to. He walked to the hostel with a heavy heart after the service ended exactly 10:29pm.

His bitterness came alive as he walked the tarred Obafemi Awolowo hall road through Idia hall, Independence hall and to room A8 inside Nnamdi Azikiwe hall where the greatest sin of his life had been committed. The devil almost stole the opportunity of being a repented sinner as he tried to remind him of how he soiled his hand in sin some hours ago but he found solace when he remembered his virginity had not been lost. As he tried to open the takeaway that was given in church his phone rang, it was Chinyere, he was reluctant to pick but eventually did so when she wouldn't stop calling. With a hoarse voice he said, "Hello"

"Anu, you are such a jerk!" Chinyere exploded. "If I knew you were still a virgin, I would not have given you what your fathers eat with joy, idiot! Jerk!" She lashed at him and dropped the call.

"Indeed, what my 'fathers' eat with joy. There is no iota of lie in her speech. The fruit my father joyfully ate at the age of 27 and birthed me into this over 19-year hardship. This same generational fruit that my father has failed to get the satisfaction he wants from and still went buying another with his glory.

If he had mistakenly plucked the first fruit which was my mother, did he also pluck my stepmother by mistake? He, a supposed man of glory became a slave of sex. He exchanged his glory for generational curse on the altar of sex. His life did not only become miserable those of the wife and children also became disrupted and now the trend has continued. I am hungrily running after what my 'fathers' eat with joy." he soliloquized.

Immediately she ended the call, he deleted her number, all songs not Gospel preaching and the pornographic videos on his phone.

Weeks after, he changed his friends even without chasing them they had stopped coming. He also stopped going to the school library to read and had henceforth been a lover of the word. Three months into the first semester, exam was heavily knocking, a single textbook he didn't have for the 18units courses he registered for the semester.

When he took account of the textbooks, he needed for the two departmental and four electives, the cost was 25,000 Naira. She contacted her mother. "I don't have money but let me see if I can rally round in days." She promised him. When she eventually sent him money to buy the textbooks, she sent 2,000 Naira. The young man was not shocked but rather sad because he knew how he left home. Things have not been rosy since Bukola stopped selling at Oshodi market, for her and Femi to even afford three square meal was harder than rock.

The situation became more deplorable when it was rumored Lagos state government banned hawking on the streets. To fend a living became almost impossible that the 45-year-old woman had to wear faded, torn and unmatched clothes. Her younger brother had come to her rescue for house rent many a time and her husband's friend had little or nothing to contribute.

Femi, who understood the situation only came to sleep and leave as early as possible every morning. The trend continued for years as she struggled to send Anu 2,000 every month even when it required her to lend and starve herself and Femi.

Exams after exam were written, months passed by, the 19-year-old hundred level indigent student was completing the session that would determine his stay in the premier University. Two out of the exams he wrote in first semester were written in a very ill condition.

He wasn't perturbed for he fell sick during exams but was disturbed because his old and long overcame nemesis had caught up with him, his birthday sickness had returned. It was a convention for Anu to fall sick when his birthday is just days away, but this stopped when he was 17 but after two years disappearance, it reappeared and this time at the wrong season.

He wrote Psy 103, a statistics course he dreaded so much and Eco 101 a course he had not very much idea of. When second semester exams came, he had not overcome the fear of being sent away from the University. The recurring thought had lingered even as he wrote the remaining 18 units courses in hunger and fear relinquishing his potential.

As soon as exams were over, he had tidied up his things and made up his mind for him to be evacuated the following session because he believed he was part of those that would be Tsunamised that session.

For weeks he waited at home for the Tsunami list and the eventual result of those that would be staying back in the University. He arrived home November 15th when the first year was officially offer, he took up a teaching job and returned to his previous life. November 30th, there were rumours that results had been released three days earlier, Friday, 27th November to be specific.

"Four people were asked to withdraw from the University and your friend Damilola topped the list!" The rumor monger gist him on the Facebook social network platform.

"If Damilola, the Class leader in secondary school could be on the Tsunami list, what is the fate of dullards like me?" He thought aloud as he chatted with the rumor monger. He called Taofeek, one of his friends to confirm the news he just heard.

"Omo na so I hear am ooo. In fact, Bros I was shocked when Ore told me. Dami of all people?!" Taofeek told him.

"Do you have any idea if my name was on the list? Anu sluggishly asked.

"Baba you no fit dey on that list now, you of all people." Taofeek teased.

"But did you check if my name was there?" He insisted. Just as Taofeek was going to start mentioning names, his airtime finished. "Your account has been exhausted, please recharge as soon as possible." Said the impersonal voice from his service provider. He recharged immediately but Taofeek lines were no longer reachable. He fell sick almost immediately and was hospitalized in the process his health condition worsened. Despite being treated, he was not responding to treatment.

"I am going to Ibadan tomorrow." he informed his mother on the sick bed.

"What for?" The mother angrily asked.

"To check my results." he reluctantly replied.

On the 3rd of December 2011, he stopped the medial treatment halfway and headed to UI. He got there around 11am to see what the reality was. At that point in time, he was less concerned of how many carries over courses he had, he was more interested in having the opportunity to right his wrongs. First year was fun and he wanted to have more of it.

Even though, life was hard, but he wanted to keep trying. For him, expectations were high, but no one has ever given him the opportunity, the little he benefitted were the ones fate bestowed on him. As he walked through NISER Park around department of Theatre arts, he met Bayo on the way, Damilola's cousin.

"How far, have you heard?", he asked.

"Heard what?" Bayo asked dubiously.

"That results are out."

"Sure." The good-looking young man replied carelessly.

"How far about it?" Anu fearfully asked.

"They were just four and Dami was among." Anu's mind skipped, fear overshadowed him as he was sweating in a very breezy atmosphere. "But no one has mentioned my name if I was among so far. Or are they not willing to say it to my face?" He thought as he stood there with Bayo.

"Damilola was too playful, if he was not in training playing ball, he would be chasing girls." Bayo was saying and that brought Anu's mind back to how he spent time doing campus journalism.

"Of course, Dami had wanted to be a footballer and I had wanted to be a journalist but since we couldn't put in for those courses, we combined the one that looked like them." He continued thinking as Bayo walked away from him when he noticed he wasn't listening.

He approached the students' affairs building where the Tsunami list was pasted. He met Patrick, one of his classmates on the way to this office where most students around the school premises had checked their results and those of their friends and they walked together. Upon entering the room, they were told go and check their results in their departments.

"They won't allow us until school resumes." Patrick had quickly begged the man. For several minutes, they were begging the tall black man in blue shirt, tucked inside black pant trouser. After several minutes of pleading, the man went in and brought a textbook which contained the result of all UI students for the just concluded academic session. With a heart doing a marathon of fear, Anu stared at the book as the man opened it after Patrick had told him the department both of them were from.

After flipping it to the page that contained the results of students of department of psychology, the man dropped the book on the table for them to check out their result. Anu quickly checked out the names of those that were given the compulsory advice. They were three contraries to the initial four rumored.

He was elated his name was absent from the list. Immediately a chill ran down his spine, the fear of carry-over replaced that of being sent out of school, he checked for his matric number and with joy jumped up in the office and immediately went on his knees.

Out of the 36units courses registered for, he passed all and secured a CGPA of 3.2 out of the possible 7.0. His joy knew no bounds when he saw that he didn't fail Psy 103 which he wrote under fear and sickness.

He walked jubilantly to his faculty with the hope of being able to get his transcript so he could see the breakdown to know which course he did well in and those which soaked his cumulative grade point average. On getting to the departmental office, he saw Taofeek coming out of the office.

He was soliloquizing, touching his head, and hitting his legs on the ground. It was obvious the young man was not happy with himself because he had an aim of first class but ended up starting his academic record on a weak second class upper which disturbed him so much. Anu on the other hand was more than happy because he least expected himself to achieve such a feat.

He went into the departmental office, got the transcript, and confirmed the initially seen result with a comprehensive table this time, showing how he performed in each course.

Chapter Eight

### SCOURGES OF THE HANDICAPPED HEROES

Oxford dictionary defined handicapping as a condition that markedly restricts a person's ability to function physically, mentally, or socially for instance: 'he was born with a significant financial handicap'. According to the thesaurus dictionary definition, handicapping is the condition of being unable to perform because of physical or mental unfitness; "reading disability " or "hearing impairment". Psychology profession sees handicapping as one of the major reasons individuals are not successful. It focuses on the one caused by the individual called self-handicapping.

Research has shown that there are several causes of handicapping as there are many types of handicapping as well, ranging from health to financial, physical, and so on and so forth.

Handicapping caused by impaired health can manifest in loss of sight, inability to think, learning disorder and many more. Anyone who suffers from learning disorder cannot hold a degree because learning is a relatively permanent change in behaviour caused by exposure or experience and inability to acquire this makes going to school impossible.

Most of these patients are with 20% and 50% IQ. Some learning disorders have been however related not only to biological dysfunction, some are also caused by heredity and some malnutrition. Which means if we are to search for the major cause of handicapping, the family is a major aetiology.

Family is rooted in the marriage institution, so if a man with hyperactive learning disorder marries a woman whose family is a carrier of this disorder, there is every tendency one or more of their children will suffer from hyperactive learning disorder or even worsen mental disorder. The role of marriage and family institutions can never be overemphasized in the life of a child.

The gene and chromosomal formation of a child is dependent on the father and the mother. For instance, if the mother and father suffer from mental disorder, the child is prone to this by the virtue of genetic transfer. Although environmental factors also have key roles to play but the genetical formation of the child is a pivotal foundation. Imagine if the foundation be destroyed!

Another factor which leads to handicapping in a foetus or infant is the condition the mother was while carrying the pregnancy or nurturing the baby after birth. What the mother feeds on while carry the baby is also of a significant importance, the mood of the mother while carrying the foetus, the environment and what the baby feeds on eventually when he or she is born is highly pertinent.

It is quite unfortunate that in this part of the world that every anomaly is spiritually interpreted. When a child is cognitively impaired or physically challenged, we relate it to "the witch and wizards" in his family. For instance, a child born with fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) which presents symptoms like round face, protruded stomach and so on is not caused by the witches or wizards but by the alcohol addicted mother who drank while she was pregnant.

The mood of the mother also goes a long way to affect the growing embryo. The food the mother eats which is shared with the foetus also determines the growth of the embryo both mentally and physically. So imagine if the pregnant mother drinks garri or in some worse cases took nothing, how will the rapidly growing embryo develop the endoderm, ectoderm or mesoderm cells that would produce a fine skin, a well develop nervous and endocrine systems and what nutrient will those billions of neurons in the brain be built on?

When Anuoluwapo didn't walk until age four, the illiterate and spiritual extremist father didn't know that the strength of the child to walk and the coordination of the body is dependent on the brain and that the brain needs glucose that could be gotten from food items. Instead he gullibly believed spiritual forces held the infant legs back.

When the child is underfed or given food with no nutrient like (garri, kpomo) how will the tiny looking malnourished brain coordinate the sense organs? Research says 80% of the brain is formed at age 2. Then tell me how those children with "handicapped mothers", when I mean handicapped mothers, I mean mothers without a source of living who have been impregnated by an irresponsible man, how will they not be cognitively impaired, emotionally unstable and physically unattractive to behold?

Many women have learned what psychologists called "Helplessness" and have developed self-handicapping in the process. Helplessness is a condition of impotence or rather a hopeless and helpless situation. A typical example is Bukola who dumped her career to pursue that of Yinka. She self-handicapped in the process when she left him in the driving seat of what he didn't believe in. At the end of the day she was helpless, hopeless, and handicapped. The innocent children also had a share in their parents' selfish decisions.

Self-handicapping is a widespread behaviour amongst humans that has been observed in a variety of cultures and geographic areas. For instance, students frequently participate in self-handicapping behaviour to avoid feeling bad about themselves if they do not perform well in class. Self-handicapping behaviour has also been observed in the business world.

The effects of self-handicapping can be both large and small and found in virtually any environment wherein people are expected to perform. It is a cognitive strategy which people avoid effort in the hopes of keeping potential failure from hurting self- esteem. It was first theorized by Edward E. Jones and Steven Berglas, according to them self-handicaps are obstacles created, or claimed, by the individual in anticipation of failing performance.

We have dealt so much on effects of failed marriages on wards future in chapter four, we will not make a repetition of those understood facts here but we will mention a few of them that lead to handicapping in a man or woman's life that could go on to affect his generation.

A vivid example is the mental health issue which could be transferred from one generation to another and can bring suffering upon a generation that is yet to be conceived not to talk of being born. Another is the psychological and societal moral decadence that this might birth. A vital cause is the parents and their rash decisions when it comes to love.

For instance, "the decision of Yinka and Bukola to tie the knot because she accidentally got pregnant. Of course, the sexual decision was irreversible. Before we continue this reflection, below are the confessions of victims of broken homes extracted from one of the social websites:

  1. Adam sixteen-year high school students has this to say: "I'm 16 and a junior in high school and my parents broke up when I was in primary 2. All I have ever known is arguing and not talking about what is bothering me.

When something happens, I just keep it bottled up until I explode later. I currently smoke weed and have done a lot of other stuff. Even though it's been years since the divorce, I know it has affected who I am today. I read that it makes one insecure or lonely and things like that. Unhappy. Well it sounds like me. I do have friends, but I only choose ones who I really trust.

I don't have a million friends who I don't even really know. You know? I am violent with people that I don't like, and I have problems explaining things that's on my mind. I have never known how to explain them. I don't think I ever will. And creating a close relationship with someone is also very hard. Again, I have never known how.

Divorce sucks. My Grandma told me that when my parents would fight, I would say it was my fault they were fighting. I guess I still blame myself for things that have nothing to do with me.

2. Ricky, 18years old high school graduate has this to say: "I am a child of a single parent. I am 18 years old and for almost all my life the only people that raised me was my mom and I also had some help form my grandmother that recently died almost 5yrs ago. Even though most single parents are in poverty or poor or rich or whatever the case might be it only puts a dent in the child's life if you let it. I used to think how it would be different if I had two parents in my life instead of one.

Would my family be more stable money wise? Would I have been like some of these kids that end up being spoiled? Would my personality have changed, or would I have looked at things in a different perspective than the way I do now? The point is no matter what the statistics is the results show from what the single parents wants what is best for their child. My mom worked hard and struggled practically 18years and is still doing it today to make sure I succeed in life. And you know what.... I graduated high school and now attending a community college in Pennsylvania majoring in Criminal Justice because of the future she struggled to produce for me, and I am forever grateful."

3. This is Natasha's experience: I am a 22-year-old female. I was born out of wedlock and my parents broke up 5 days before I was born because my mother caught my father cheating. It was just me and my mother for the first 13 years of my life and during that time our relationship was extremely close, our bond much stronger than a normal mother child bond, I think. I love and respect my mom more than any other in the world at this point in my life, but I am not going to say it was easy.

It was not. When I was two, she went to university and 5 years later graduated as a teacher. I can't imagine how hard doing that with a two-year-old would be, she has always amazed me, and I am extremely proud. But even saying all this, I have my issues. In grade and high school, I was always first in my class, very academically inclined, but I did feel rejected when she met Rich who would become my stepfather and most of my problems started.

We simply didn't get along. He was very harsh and controlling and for a shy emotional girl who was not used to men this was a major shock. It probably didn't help that my mother was so infatuated she all but forgot about me. And then the fights between the three of us started. They were constant and lasted all through junior and senior high school. At that point I could still do well at school, but my home life was a mess. I hated and feared Rich, I felt abandoned by both my parents.

I was insecure and shy and hated everything about myself. I would keep one good friend at a time, but the friendships didn't always last. In my grade 12-year Rich beat me up one day. It was only the one time and I suppose it is not a big deal, but it did affect me. I ended up dropping my English course and not graduating that year. It took me a couple years to get my act together enough to finish the class and then I enrolled in university. During that time there was tremendous pressure at home to succeed and get an education. I now find myself in second year engineering and I am not faring so well.

It is not that I cannot handle the academics, it's that I can't handle them on top of all my emotional baggage. I cannot seem to figure myself out and I am terrifyingly lonely. I left all my family and friends behind when I started university and I cannot seem to get close to anyone here. I spend all my days obsessing about my personal problems and not focusing enough on my studies. Engineering is difficult and I keep dealing with panic attacks. I'm scared and alone and have nowhere to turn. My friends are across the country and my mother is wrapped up in her own life and her new children with Rich. I am 22 and I've never been in a romantic relationship.

I mean I've never even held hands and this lack of human contact is wearing on me, but I've become so withdrawn I don't see it changing anytime soon. Anyway to be succinct I don't blame this all on my parents but I do think it has had an impact, the emotional scars from parental problems and the ones that were caused by the life I had to lead because my parents were not together

4. This is the last extracted comments of a victim of parental handicapping, her identity was not unveiled but she has these to say:

"I've read comments about this article and have come to two conclusions: - Children who come from single parent households do NOT suffer significant long-term psychological damage.

-Many children in these situations exploit the parent and use the excuse of being raised as part of single parent family as an excuse.

My father left home when I was four and does not pay child support to this day. He doesn't visit me, and I haven't seen him for at least six years. Despite this, I am an above average student, with a good attendance record. I think that many children force blame on their parent/stepparents for their own shortcomings. It is your life and you can choose to live it however you like." he/she concluded

By now you should know that Families are dying all over the world and innocent products of these premature marriages are being subjected into handicapping situations such as the ones mentioned by the victims above. Unlike what the last victim said that children who come from single parent households do NOT suffer significant long-term psychological damage, they do but coping skill differs from situation to situation.

For instance Demo and Acock 1991, reported that In mother-only families, children tend to experience short-and long-term economic and psychological disadvantages; higher absentee rates at school, lower levels of education, and higher dropout rates (with boys more negatively affected than girls); and more delinquent activities, including alcohol and drug addiction.

Adolescents, on the other hand, are more negatively affected by parental discord prior to divorce than by living in single-parent families and gain in responsibility as a result of altered family routines. Children in single-mother homes are also more likely to experience health-related problems as a result of the decline in their living standard, including the lack of health insurance (Mauldin 1990).

Later, as children from single-parent families become adults, they are more likely to marry early, have children early, and divorce. These of course were evident in Anuoluwapo. Girls are at greater risk of becoming single mothers as a result of non-marital childbearing or divorce (McLanahan and Booth 1989). Although the research findings are mixed on long-term effects, the majority of children adjust and recover and do not experience severe problems over time (Coontz 1997). Reports of Wallerstein and Blakeslee 1989 also provides a support for the above-mentioned fact that the loss of a father in the family can have implications beyond childhood.

One obnoxious thing about this irrational decision of these immature parents is that many are just after satisfying each other sexually but when it leads to pregnancy, they attempt developing love that never existed. Some of these so-called parents are still struggling to feed themselves, they clothe in rags and have an obscured future.

The unfortunate pregnancy that eventually come into existence will make them establish an unplanned future. Some of them without option of avoiding marriage go on to illegally settle down. At the end of the day traffic, the growing infant if he or she fortunately survives contraceptives.

Have you ever wondered who birthed the kids you see selling in holdups? Does it tear your heart apart about the sexual abuse of children of age 5, 6 and above in the slum? How about those 4-year-old orphans who are house maids? Who do you think made those children who are supposed to be in school learning to be on the streets hawking?

Bukola said "I doubt if was not born with tray contained with goods on my head, because I have carried this throughout my life." Meaning those you see selling Gala in Ore road, Iwo road and every other nook and cranny of Nigeria might do that for the rest of their lives? That is tentative because Anuoluwapo overcame that.

He blatantly told the mother he would not continue to bear the scourge she inflicted on him and his brother. He designed a road map, he worked for it and everything good came when he made efforts. Of course, before Anuoluwapo several others had been inflicted by the scourge of handicapping. For instance, Barrack Obama, Jefferson, Malcolm X among others who are men of great standing today.

Malcolm Little was born in the American South. His father, a Christian minister, was murdered by white racists in 1931. Several years later, because of their great poverty, and his mother's mental illness, he and his siblings were taken from their mother by Social workers and put into a children's home. He was later fostered.

Malcolm was a smart, focused student. He graduated from junior high school at the top of his class. However, when a favorite teacher told Malcolm his dream of becoming a lawyer was "no realistic goal for a nigger," Malcolm lost interest in school. He dropped out, spent some time in Boston, Massachusetts working various odd jobs, and then traveled to Harlem, New York where he committed petty crimes.

By 1942 Malcolm was coordinating various narcotics, prostitution and gambling rings. Eventually Malcolm and his buddy, Malcolm "Shorty" Jarvis, moved back to Boston. In 1946 they were arrested and convicted on burglary charges, and Malcolm was sentenced to 10 years in prison. (He was paroled after serving seven years.) Recalling his days in school, he used the time to further his education. It was during this period of self-enlightenment that Malcolm's brother

Reginald would visit and discuss his recent conversion with the Muslim religion. Reginald belonged to the religious organization the Nation of Islam (NOI).

Intrigued, Malcolm began to study the teachings of NOI leader Elijah Muhammad. Muhammad taught that white society actively worked to keep African Americans from empowering themselves and achieving political, economic and social success. Among other goals, the NOI fought for a state of their own, separate from one inhabited by white people. By the time he was paroled in 1952, Malcolm was a devoted follower with the new surname "X." (He considered "Little" a slave name and chose the "X" to signify his lost tribal name.)

Intelligent and articulate, Malcolm was appointed as a minister and national spokesman for the Nation of Islam. Elijah Muhammad also charged him with establishing new mosques in cities such as Detroit, Michigan and Harlem, New York. Malcolm utilized newspaper columns, as well as radio and television to communicate the NOISE message across the United States. His charisma, drive and conviction attracted an astounding number of new members. Malcolm was largely credited with increasing membership in the NOI from 500 in 1952 to 30,000 in 1963.

That same year, Malcolm went on a pilgrimage to Mecca, Saudi Arabia. The trip proved life altering. For the first time, Malcolm shared his thoughts and beliefs with different cultures, and found the response to be overwhelmingly positive. When he returned, Malcolm said he had met "blonde-haired, blued-eyed men I could call my brothers." He returned to the United States with a new outlook on integration and a new hope for the future.

This time when Malcolm spoke, instead of just preaching to African Americans, he had a message for all races. Racial tensions ran increasingly high during the early 1960s. In addition to the media, Malcolm's vivid personality had captured the government's attention.

As membership in the NOI continued to grow, FBI agents infiltrated the organization (one even acted as Malcolm's bodyguard) and secretly placed bugs, wiretaps, cameras, and other surveillance equipment to monitor the group's activities. After repeated attempts on his life, Malcolm rarely traveled anywhere without bodyguards. On February 14, 1965, the home where Malcolm, Betty and their four daughters lived in East Elmhurst, New York was fire-bombed. Luckily, the family escaped physical injury.

One week later, however, Malcolm's enemies were successful in their ruthless attempt. At a speaking engagement in the Manhattans Audubon Ballroom on February 21, 1965 three gunmen \-- all members of the Nation of Islam -- rushed Malcolm onstage. They shot him 15 times at close range.

The 39-year-old was pronounced dead on arrival at New York's Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. Fifteen hundred people attended Malcolm's funeral in Harlem on February 27, 1965 at the Faith Temple Church of God in Christ (now Child's Memorial Temple Church of God in Christ). After the ceremony, friends took the shovels away from the waiting grave diggers and buried Malcolm themselves. Later that year, Betty gave birth to their twin daughters.

The legacy of Malcolm X, a handicapped hero has moved through generations as the subject of numerous documentaries, books, and movies. A tremendous resurgence of interest occurred in 1992 when director Spike Lee released the acclaimed movie, Malcolm X. Malcolm X is known as one of the most influential of all the civil rights activists of the 1950s and 1960s.

Victor Frankl said, "When we can no longer change our circumstances, we are challenged to change ourselves." The same is supposed to be the case of those being scourged by the situation of handicapping.

Just like I said earlier when addressing those handicapped by their parents into the handicapping situation and took to their heels, just know that the truth about living an enviable life will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. I cannot deny how much pain these people bear. For instance, I notice that when I talk to people who have also lost a parent at a young age, many describe it as a hole in the heart that will never completely heal. A friend has these to say:

"When my father died and I was suddenly parentless, I felt pushed into the front line. I was sitting in one of the lecture theatres receiving lecture when my silent phone buzz repeatedly. Tired I was when the lecture was over, I managed to flash the number that was calling back, and it was my uncle reporting.

"Your father is late." He blatantly announced. I was cold immediately; it was as if the news changed my continent and I was taken to the western world. I was in no- parents land with snipers all around me with the fear of spending the extra year in school because I had failed a compulsory prerequisite course a session before. My mentor was gone, no more motivation, I prayed to be next on the death agent's list."

This feeling of mortality is a double- edged sword. To know that we, too, will die is terrifying; but there is an excitement about knowing that we can put things off no longer. If we always wanted to learn Spanish or to run away and become a bongo-player, we'd better get our skates on, because it's suddenly clear that our lives are startlingly finite.

Not only do we have to confront our own mortality, but when both parents die, we face all kinds of other adjustments and emotions as well. We do not just lose the people themselves; we lose the role they played in our lives.

For some who still have one of their parents alive would still derive a bit of solace in this person, especially when it is the female. However, the death of this second parent, particularly a mum, who was probably the custodian of generations of knowledge and attitudes, keeper of family memories. She was the one who could identify all those fuzzy people in the photo albums she had so carefully assembled. But while the second parent's death locks many doors, it opens up a past. When someone is alive, their existence seems to withhold the key to the strongbox of remembrance.

When they are alive, we see them as they are now; our memories are of our last meeting, not the distant past. When they die, however, a scrapbook of the past suddenly flies open. Memories come flooding back. When we think of our parent, now, after their death, we think of any time in their life, not just the moment we last saw them - we suddenly remember when they were much younger, the bad times as well as the good.

The death of the second parent may give access to the past in a way that isn't always pleasant. Things we would have preferred to have forgotten leap up to confront us. Childhood memories we have tried to keep hidden refuse to be repressed. Some people find themselves mourning a second parent's death deeply - but what they may mourn is not so much the death of their mother or father, but the fact that they never really felt they had a mother or father. We may mourn "what might have been". We may also feel frustrated and unhappy because of the questions we left unasked; so many feelings left unaired.

Colin Murray Parkes, a psychiatrist specializing in bereavement, described a bereaved person as one who must change his internal model of the world to incorporate the new external reality. And this is what an orphan, fatherless /motherless or any handicapped ward must do when he or she is usually feeling exceptionally miserable and physically low. If things around you must change, you must change your game plan, perspective and the way you do things.

Also, like I said in chapter 4, there are spiritual burden we bear based on the decision of our generations in time past. There are some decisions that have made some family name to never be reckoned with. If you doubt me check the scriptures and locate Reuben and Judah. In fact, did you see, or have you heard Judas in this generation as a name? If you are still religiously stereotypical then ask Abacha children still living or his generations alive. Be informed of generational handicapping and understand of price generations to come will pay if you commit blunder because with every covenant there are terms and conditions.

Some have broken generational curse on the altar of prayer, while some with prayer and physical efforts overcame handicapping caused by their progenitor. Some were born poor and remained poor, some were not born poor but became poor. Some on the other hand, were born with silver spoon in their mouth but could not extend this inherited wealth to their generation. Some were born poor but became rich. By now you should know that every ascribed status and acquired status are transient because they come with expiry date. And only a rash or meticulous decision can turn things around.

May I inform you that your past is not a determinant of your tomorrow, but it might have resulted in your today. If you end being a failed man it is all your fault. You are a product of your choice and your generation will live to regret or appreciate those choices. The Israelites came into Egypt because of Reuben and other siblings of Joseph who sold the solution provider of their generation out. Two verses were dedicated to one man in the scriptures. This man decided to part ways with his past.

Check 1st Chronicles 4 verse 9 and 10. Jabez was more honorable than his brethren because he decided. Sometimes the designer of fate might have invested the key to generational liberation in your care and what you do with it is your choice to define. The freedom of the Israelites from the Philistines was dependent on the intrepidity of Samson in the book of Judges chapter 14 and 16, but this young man sabotaged this generational chance on the altar of sex. Lest I forget, many destinies have been thwarted on the altar of sex.

The sexual libido Bukola could not overcome made her settle for something below the divine plan. The urge for sex has birthed more unwanted heroes into this our unfortunate world and many if not all these lads have been handicapped. Some were inflicted by physical damage caused by pregnancy preventive aids, such as D and C, while others psychological impairment caused by mother's trauma or substance abuse and some had their scourge when pursuing career because of financial handicapping.

Elsewhere, handicapping became a scourge because they have never been allowed to make a singular decision for themselves. Many of these are products of wealthy families.

I once had a friend, Celestina by name, she hardly took most decisions herself. She was 15 years when the choice of course to study brought her everlasting handicapping, she had always cherished being a fashion designer but the parents on the other hand wanted her to become a medical doctor. With coercion her dream of being an international fashion designer was thrashed as she spent seven years of her life pursuing her parents dream. She was 24 when she actualized this dream, when she came back, she sought their permission of chasing her dream, but the parents rebuffed this outrightly. She was told to practice what they have made for her as choice. For years, Celestina with no joy lived the regrettable live.

Much hope was on the brink when it was time to choose life partner, she unfortunately chose authoritarian like her parents. At 27 just some months before her wedding ceremony, she started pursuing this long-bottled dream. Immediately after the wedding ceremony, the more self-centered pilot who doubled as her husband rebuffed her choice yet again.

Despite many pleas the young pilot had the support of his mother in law and turned deaf ears to the request of the woman he claimed to love. Till the time I wrote this, my friend who has moved out of the country is still in the handicapped situation because she had selfish parents and married a more self-centered spouse.

After all, has been said, is there really a catholicon to this scourge? Yes! And this is centered round the parents, since the choice of bringing forth a hero is from them. Below is the suggested way out:

As responsible parents, here are just few things you must know, adhere to and put in place.

1. You must bring your children up in the ways of the Lord.

2. You must give the qualitative education up to university level at least to them.

3. You must provide them all the basic human needs such as food, clothes, shelter, care, advice, money etc. Up to university level and beyond.

4. You must follow them up educationally even as they decide what career to pursue.

5. You must help them choose a career, friend and husband but must never impose any of these on them.

6. You must be their closest friend and best adviser.

7. You must be their role models. They should be proud of you as parents and tend to live their lives the way you lived yours although in an improved form.

8. You must allow them their privacy but proper supervision so that it won't be abused.

As a parent or potential parent, you might find yourself in the trap of doing otherwise but please try and take cognizance of the above mentioned and try as much as you can to do them.
Chapter Nine

THE REUNION AND THE HEROIC JOURNEY

"I intend reuniting daddy and mummy" Anu told Femi. Femi burst into laughter, "Omode o mo ogun ounpe lefo(A child doesn't know charm he calls it vegetables)" "What do you think set daddy and mummy apart? Have you ever wondered why two people who loved themselves will just wake up one day and said they should go their separate ways? I don't need to be told how it happened because it was in my presence it all happened. I watched the two people I love most tore each other apart. Daddy was a clergyman." Anu took a seat and listened to his elder brother narrate the dissolution of his parents' marriage.

"Daddy was concerned about how he would enlarge the congregation of his church, after mummy had warned him not to try anything funny. But daddy did not heed his wife's advice. Daddy's brother whose life is not even a match for the wretched mad man on the street, a man with a broken home and a miserable life who wanted a company of doom was who daddy ran to and made a confidant.

Of course, what would you expect a failed man with a failed life to give as an advice than a failed road map? He took daddy to an herbalist. Imagine a man of God! When they got there, the disillusioned man told daddy that you and mummy were the ones dwindling his ministry and your father gullibly believed this blatant lie!" Anu shrugged, repositioned himself on the plastic chair and stayed glued listening to Femi with rapt attention.

"I thought mummy had once told you this." Femi told to the obviously awed Anuoluwapo. He nodded in affirmation of this.

"Tell me your own version." He implored.

"Now let's see. Daddy was 24 when he met mummy, then daddy was in the theology school. Then mummy had just relocated from Ibadan to Lagos, her uncle's theology school where daddy was a student. For three years, daddy was always around this 21 years old woman's life. She would pray for him, advise him and plan with him.

Exactly four years after their meeting, daddy had completed his Bible school program and was faced with the crossroads of what to do. Mummy advised him on his calling, since he said he had a call. The woman who was just beginning her womanhood then pledged an allegiance of support, that with God helping them she would stand by him. Anu!" Femi called suddenly

"Huh" He responded though not sure why his brother called his name and Femi continued.

"That same month, the woman facilitated a rented apartment where the church began. In less than a year of the commitment, the church had over 50 members and had also bought a land. The foundation of the church was laid in commemoration of the one-year establishment of the church. The acclaimed witch coordinated the church activities in his absence." he said gesticulating with his index fingers.

"To show you that daddy was defeated by his own self. Mummy had prayed for a man one day and after the prayer saw a revelation that the man should put his house in order that something evil was going to happen. In establishing this prophecy, the man came to thank daddy and mummy with landed properties and gifts worth of thousands in September 1994, but Mr. Yinka had by his own making thwarted his hard-earned work.

He had sent the woman who stood by him when he had nothing packing because one random person who never saw mummy said she was a witch and she was responsible for why members had stopped coming. Ask me what happened when the wife left." Femi said with bitterness evident on his face.

"He sold the uncompleted building used for the church after he and his new wife mismanaged the members. In fact, before then, some members of the church had seen daddy drinking with his old friends even without the knowledge of the so-called witch. The man who came to appreciate the ministry for salvaging his family from crashing pitied my parents. He tried all he could to bring them together but all to no avail."

"Some said daddy was a nice man." Anu naively said.

"Whether he was nice or not that was before he had his own share of the generational curse." said Femi. He paused and then ask, "How old are you now?" Anu stared at Femi openmouthed wondering if he had hurriedly forgotten that he was just a year and 7 months older than him.

"I am twenty-one years, a 200-level student." He replied after a while waiting expectantly for what the brother had to say.

"Good! Daddy was twenty-one years when the unending battle found him. According to Mr. Thomas, daddy was about correcting the failures of his generation when he was dealt with by this handicapping situation. You want to reunite them abi?" Femi asked sarcastically and continued.

"Firstly, you need to understand the source. Thank God I have told you the little I know. Secondly, you need to find Mr. Gabriel and when you do, hear his own side of the story. If unfortunately, you are unlucky and the burden of curse is still upon him, be ready to share with him. Plus, what makes you think that by now he would have realized that what he had gullibly believed for years about you were lies? I will advise you Mr. UI, engage your mind before you can change your world. Pursue your future, break family curse placed on you. It's about time again, prevent yourself from impregnating a girl outside marriage.

Try as much as possible to be on the Lord's side always, this only is your major tool of reuniting your parents and becoming heroic as you intended. Handicapped Hero!" he concluded and stood up.

Anu was irritated and thought, "But he had once told me it was a good thought solving our parents' problem but now, he is saying something else." And almost immediately he remembered the words of his mother.

"It is not enough to have solutions to life problems; you must be sure of it. When you allow people to stop you, it means you are uncertain. If the entire world says no, it is left for you to say 'Yes!' and prove it because each no you hear has the tendency to erode your confidence bit by bit until you give in to what they want.

They would never stop you like they did to your dad and he was let down." He kept ruminating on his thoughts of uniting his parent, he continued until he was famished and had to heed the nature's call.

January 2nd, 2012, school resumed and Anu took his loads, collected the 18,000 Naira school fees Bukola had managed to raise and left. He intended squatting for the session. Luckily for him, after six weeks of resumption, he was made the deputy editor in chief of his faculty press organization he belonged to. His new status afforded him the opportunity of getting a room because such offices had rare privileges.

He quickly called the mother who also did not relent in giving Anu every support he needed to ascend the ladder of greatness. After some months in leadership, he was forced to develop his ill communication skill, he learned how to speak well and face the crowd. It was easy for Anu to combine psychology and the extra curricula activity, called campus Journalism.

This was a self-motivation for him since he had always wanted to be a journalist. He missed classes when the need arose for him to play his leadership roles. One thing notable he always did was to stay awake at night to read up those notes given in the classes missed even when he had no textbooks, he would make photocopies.

He continued in that trend but with a target. In his diary he had set for himself 5.0 cgpa as the session's goal and he was up and doing to ensure it was achievable. Fortunately for him, he found someone of like minds, Ayo also an indigent student from the department of Geography. Although he was two years older than Anu, but no one ever knew as they treated each other like brothers. Anytime Anu called home and he was given story, he would design a poster, print at Students Union building for twenty Naira and make photocopies, distribute it to female friends who would paste in their hostels.

He would get calls of different nature and customers started bringing their spoilt gadgets for repairs. This was a source of income for Anu and Ayo. Though Ayo could not fix gadgets however he was always bringing customers.

After months of Lectures, exams came and first semester was over, second semester the most fun filled and activities jam packed season came. For the first time in four semesters, Anu got a letter from his fellowship executive choice committee. Another burden of leadership. August 26th, 2012, he was made the hall representative of his fellowship, something he has done his best to avoid. For the first time in 20 years, the fresh Christian will be leading over 15 other Christians.

It was not a smooth ride for him as he got another leadership task when it was also time for handing over at the press organization. An office not all members of the organization was happy about him leading, although he wanted to opt out but the mentor had always advised, "Anytime you consider keeping all the people happy all the time you will never fulfill your destiny." This Anu remembered and decided for the first time to dare the few minority whom he was even afraid of because they might be cultist.

Like the words of Joyce Meyer "Step out and find out", Anu dared them and soared on the wings of his classmates who publicly announced their support for him. Just some hours to the elections Alabi, one of his loyalists told him again that he hated seeing people shrink back in fear because they fear making mistakes.

"If at the polls you lose, be happy you tried because if you bow out in fear, you have failed those who believed in you and you have failed yourself. When life defeated you with the opportunity of studying mass communications, actualizing your dream here is a rare opportunity you must utilize." Alabi admonished him

Despite the fact that his boss, the outgoing chief editor and many other campus politicians who saw him as a threat were against his emergence, he fueled his interest and cast his trust on God and the fifteen members of the board of editors who were the electorates. His mother had always told him, "People will give you all kinds of advice, but it is your responsibility to eat the hay and spit out the sticks." He went on in the race.

The election held as planned in spite of all the underhanded politics played by the outgoing editor in chief. September 7th, 2012, the editorial board met for the last time in the outgoing administration. The outgoing editor in chief came up as mandated of him by the Constitution and nominated two people he would want to succeed him. If he had known that what played out that day would have happened, he would not have played the political card he used. He nominated Arike, one of Anu's loyalists and Anu himself. Before the election proper, the lady stood up and rejected the bid, he was forced to re-nominate, Taiwo to replace Arike. The members of the board voted, out of fifteen votes cast, Anu had 10, Taiwo had two and the remaining three were void votes.

For the first time in years of establishment of the media house, Anu became the first 300 level student to lead the media house that won the best Faculty press that session Anu got the mantle of Leadership. He had corrected the status quo that people's background can hit their back on the ground. He had a turbulence filled administration because some people did not want him there. Immediately the session was over, results were out and Anu had 4.2 instead of 5.0 he aimed at. The least point he had was three and had passed 75 units out of the 75 units registered. Although unlike the previous session, he wasn't happy, but he was definitely getting better every session. All he was gazing at was finishing with second class upper.

As soon as year three resumed he dumped his entrepreneurship venture and focused his attention on discharging his services as editor in chief of Fatsssa press, Nnamdi Azikiwe hall representative of his fellowship and how to be a better student of psychology. Day after day, he was becoming a better student academically even as he combined those three assiduous tasks. The hitch of fund again resurfaced, and he felt the pain more because he had dumped his entrepreneurial venture and the monies were no longer forthcoming from home. It was also coincidental with fact that the school management had initiated a new accommodation policy that gave preference to finalists and 'freshers." He had to move off-campus and living outside the school was hectic and executing his roles as Nnamdi Azikiwe hall representative and the editor in chief became difficult.

*************

"As I skim through the pages of my life, I saw God factor on every side, the grace of right time." Anu was saying when he was addressing some orphans he met gambling under the bridge in Idi Arere, area of Ibadan. Within thirty minutes of meeting these children between ages 10 and 17, he had narrated his grace itinerary to them.

"Nobody will give you the opportunity to prove your worth, you just have to create one. It will be a sheer waste of time if you are a victim of law, you will prove your critics right if you appear on the pages of newspapers as criminals. One shocking thing is that the most horrible crimes and unspeakable acts are committed by those of us that came from the slum." Anuoluwapo said indicating himself and the children.

"Though life could have been unfair to you by being born to irresponsible parents, but you also have given in to failure by allowing it overcome your strength. Look, Obama was born by a father who was not ready to bear responsibility but who is he today?"

"The president of United States of America." The children chorused. Anu continued, "That you have failed in school doesn't mean you have to drop out. NBA superstar, Michael Jordan, how many of you know him?" Many hands were up.

"Beautiful!" Anu said as he continued. "He was once cut from his high school basketball team, but today he is known for what?"

"Basketball!!!!!" Anu and the children chorused.

"Anytime you want to give up because you don't have parents, check your fingers if they are equal, if they at not, that means you can make a difference but if they are, then expect a utopia world."

He gave them a Bible each and told them to find comfort there whenever they feel discomfort. Finally, he said as he left, "Human needs challenging situation to rise as those are the significant ladder that remind you of how hard you need to work for this hard life, we are in. Look, you have failed in school, right? Many have had more share of failures than you have. Yet they rose every time they fell. Who has been a tout helped? The world never and will never celebrate failure." This and many more Anuoluwapo did as many as possible opportunities he saw to help others in the situation he found himself.

*****************

June 2014 came, barely 7 days to Anuoluwapo's 23rd birthday, he was getting ready for the final session as an undergraduate. He shouted at his best friend, Bukola and reminded her of what he told her years ago.

"Mummy, Remember I told you I would be graduating before age 24 and will be getting married by age 25?"

The mother smiled and said, "With God, all things are possible. The scripture never said some, it said all. You achieve those things your mind conceives and believe. Remember you have not arrived, seeing the promise land should remind you that you have come a long way, but you still have a long way to go. For most of your life you have been deprived of joy but with God and by your determination you have turned your weakness to strength. That means you need to graduate with a good grade, start a life, pursue your career and find yourself a good partner."

Anu chuckled and continued putting his clothes in the Ghana must go bag he was arranging. Immediately Bukola finished answering him, she went out came back inside and carried her tray loaded with ready-made clothes.

"Let me go make some sale and see if I can give you some money to add to your transport fare."

Anu felt sorry for his mother who had always slaved for him all her life. She once told he and Femi that as a child, she would carry loads in tray to cover miles before she could eat and getting married, the circumstances she was born into didn't change. Even now as a mother, she was still on the same spot.

"No wonder she had always told me to be different and break the norms." Anu thought aloud as he chewed gum. He began to think on his adventure in life if he had ever broken the norms and set a new standard.

"It seems the world opposes anything that is different from the norm. Little wonder my administration as the editor in chief was with many oppositions." At the time when Anuoluwapo was the editor in chief of Fatsssa it was trouble throughout his tenure. The trouble however started when he stood his ground against norms.

The norm was that the student representatives of his faculty's association were being paid. Anu who felt this shouldn't be, decided to kick against it and put a stop to it.

So, in one of the meetings he attended he said "Payment of Honorable was illegal and should be aborted. The representatives of course resisted this, but he wouldn't back down, eventually he was sent out of the meeting and they went on to endorse the bill to the extent of even increasing from 1500 Naira to 2000 Naira per representative.

Another norm was whenever the House of Representatives and the Press are at loggerheads, that each organ used its power, as such the house was expecting Anu to write as usual, defend himself and tarnish the reps image. However, the Holy Spirit intervened, he didn't write anything, and he became unpredictable. Instead he broke the norm, he told his board members the development and advised the media house to go on indefinite strike until the honourables pay is abolished.

The reps were disappointed to see the press board blank for days, they summoned the editor in chief and asked him to explain why he failed to perform his constitutional duty. The handicapped Anuoluwapo looked at them said nothing and walked out. They lied in the letter written to him that he was being invited for something else and coming to realize what was at stake, he was infuriated but controlled his anger with silence. With that they still had no idea of what he was up to, and their veins were filled with fear, they moved a motion for his impeachment but it was not adopted because they had no power to remove him from office constitutionally.

The following week the media house called off the strike but the editor in chief stayed out of office for the second week. He however sent in a copy of the letter he wrote to the staff advisers for publication. The step of Anuoluwapo was out of the usual practice of other previous editors in chief and they could not ascertain what he was planning next. Remember his predecessor never wanted him to succeed him because he knew Anu to be transformational.

Weeks after the letters he wrote, things degenerated into a big problem, thanks to the creative thinking members of his team, Alabi and Arike his deputy were more than instrumental in standing for what he believed in. After all, an adage says, "birds of a feather flock together."

In less than six weeks those who planned the ploy of defeat for Anu and his team became victims of their plan as Harmman became the victim of the plan he made for Mordecai in the scriptures. The members of the house were arrested by the school security unit and were made to write an open letter for doing the wrong thing with the power the congress gave them. Their heads were however saved of facing the school disciplinary committee.

Remembering the victory, he recorded always gave Anu the confidence of standing for the truth always. Of course, no one among those who have done something great in life ever stood alone without confidence. Even if you are reading this book and let's say you have spent your life identifying with norms that has continually wrecked our society, why not break away today even if it takes you alone to stand for the truth.

Travails of life will not take cease especially when you are on a mission and well determined. Anuoluwapo faced more tribulation even when he was rounding off his BSc program. But as an eagle, he remained tenacious because he saw oppositions as opportunity to test his confidence and ascend the ladder of greatness.

Unfortunately, though, his beginning hunted him, despite coming out with sessional gp of 4.9 in 300 level it was not sufficient to salvage the contributions of his yesterday average man mindset. He had a sadistic supervisor for his final year project but Anu never stopped to give his best. At age 23, Gabriel Anuoluwapo bagged a second class lower honours degree in Psychology. His heroic determination also made him research on what brings instability in marriage.

*************

"Now that you have graduated, are you still considering getting married at age twenty-five?" One of his close cousins, Omolola once asked.

"I could have feared failure, but I had never for once seen myself been conquered by it. If it's the father's will to establish a home for me by 25, who dare stop me?" he answered confidently.

"But you don't even have a stable relationship?" Omolola pointed out.

Anu was hit by this remark. He knew when it came to holding a relationship, he had not been that lucky. In spite of the fact that Alice came back when he was in year one, the reunion never saw the light of the day. He had gone into three other relationships without commitment. He once said, "I only need a woman I want to build true love with, plan the future with and get married to without giving someone else but her a chance in spite of all the imperfections she could have." but instead his latter actions proved otherwise.

His weak emotion swayed him off this stance when Alice eventually dumped him. February 16th, 2012, his relationship with Alice was just two months shy of two years. Anu had called to inform her of her erratic commitment to the relationship but instead she dropped a bombshell.

"Anu, I have been thinking of how to tell you. I want some break. By final year we can pick it up. I am sorry for any damage caused." she said. Anu who was a fresh Christian then could not believe what he heard, he had to look at the phone as if the comment had glued to it.

"Please come again." Anu said astonished.

"You heard me right and clear. Just allow it to be." She said with a tone of finality and hung up. He tried severally but was unsuccessful as Alice had her mind completely made up.

Lucky for him, there was a clash between the school management and the Students Union, as a result, the school was locked, and students sent home. Anu seized the opportunity to visit her at Ijebu, where her school was in Ogun state. This he believed would make her retract her words and rescind her decision on the love matter. But who said a thing and it comes to pass when the lord has not commanded it? With all the pleading and reasoning Anu did, Alice remained adamant. She came up with a different story.

"I have moved on from you. God will give you the love of your life." The 21 years damsel said. He cried but his weeping could not change her mind.

Later he found solace in Bimpe, his fellowship member but like a failed coup, his attempt hit the rock. His commitment was out of the way when Bimpe also broke up with him barely a month after a serious energy concerted journey. She was even rather dramatic.

"Let's return platonic." She suggested when Anuoluwapo kissed her.

"I want my husband to meet me 'tear rubber'." She resolutely stood her ground stopping him. She officially broke the relationship on the 15th of June 2013, which was the following morning after they had their first kiss.

This denouncement made it the second attempt on the love journey. With a bleeding heart he repeatedly changed his 2go status, until one of his friends whom he eventually got involved with laid a hand of reassurance on him. Little did he know that Oyin would inflict more on him than the previous two ladies. On the 17th of June, barely 48 hours after Bimpe's exit, Oyin decided to grant Anu's insistent request to go out with him. Although, he had asked her out even before he and Bimpe got together but she refuted saying she was in love with someone else. But after Bimpe and Anu broke up she asked him out of the blues one day, "Do you still want to go out with me?" The 300-level medical student asked. Anu was shocked by this question but answered reluctantly.

"Yes."

She looked at him closely and asked again, "Do you really?"

"Yea. No problem." Anuoluwapo responded, feeling indifferent about this long-craved outing. Lingering within him was the fear of picking up another commitment-phobic girl. He however shook this provoking thought off with "Anyhow she does it, I will just act along."

17th of June, he arrived at the botanical garden before her but it wasn't up to three minutes when the Toyota camry arrived, she hopped down, with much enthusiasm, she ran on her high heels, not mindful if she was at risk of falling. She jumped on him and tightly he held her as if her body contained heart healing balm, for minutes they were in this posture. When the greetings were over, she put her hand in his arm as they walked into the Botanical Garden inside the University of Ibadan. It was Anu's second time of visiting this vicinity, the last time he came it was on a group retreat. As they walked down the foliage filled muddy road, they giggled at each other, shared romantic lines, and cracked some jokes. The birds flew here and there singing in their melodious voices. They moved closer to the end of the road, approaching the rock where there are little flowers on which people write their names.

"Let's go and make some wishes on the rock, let's write our names on the leaves." Oyin said holding Anu's hand and they ran in that direction. Smiles and laughter filled air and their joy could be seen on their faces. Just thirty minutes with this vivacious girl Anu had forgotten what happened days ago. Whether they forgot to make the wishes, or they intentionally didn't, something had led to another, there was no time for frivolity. Sitting on the rock chatting, she intently gazed at her hero as he narrated what led him to where he was. Unconsciously the emotional Oyin had moved closer, touched her lips to his and what Anu had sealed up his mind against began to happen. For several minutes, they continued kissing, not minding those that were around.

The nature began to express itself; breeze began to blow and shortly before they could stop kissing, it began to drizzle. They held each other ran for shelter. They ran till they were able to locate one of the halls in the Botanical Garden. In the hall for several hours they continued what they had started on the rock moments before the rain started. For as long as the rain granted them, they were together in the hall with a man who appeared dead but deep in sleep and loudly snoring. Even if they were going to enjoy the remaining part of the date, the incessant buzzing of Anu's phone deterred them. It was however one person calling all through, Ann, Anu's friend.

"Who is she?" Oyin had jealously asked.

He tried as much as possible to describe her, but she would not believe him. The following day, when Anu and Ann met, he told to her of his new relationship.

"Please stop calling excessively again. I am sorry if it hurts but let my relationship work."

Things did not return to normalcy even after he had invited both parties to meet each other but with time they outlived it. Yet Ann didn't back off, it appeared she was deeply in love with Anu but Anu's heart was faraway with Oyin Olaide . Within a month that Anu had met Oyin's parents, her father had agreed to Oyin's request to host Anuoluwapo's 22nd birthday. Anu and Alabi attended the birthday party that officially marked the end of the relationship. Anu and Oyin's sweet love crashed exactly some days to its one-month anniversary.

"Go and break that relationship." Oyin's sister who was ten years older than her had commanded. "And don't let me see you with him again nor call him." She added.

Busayo, Oyin's sister called the parents and told them who Anu was. Prior to that time, Busayo had asked random questions about Anu from Oyin and she had proudly told her everything without mincing words. Eyebrows were raised when she asked about his denomination.

"His parents are Celestians, but he hasn't chosen one for himself yet."

"Cele!!!" Busayo screamed. "But you are not ignorant of what this church did to me many years back and yet you still fell in love with someone from there."

"But sister, Anuoluwapo is not like that." Oyin pleaded.

"Keep quiet!" Busayo ordered. "Whether he has charmed you with their red and white candles who knows." She ranted and dialed their mother's number to inform her of the blunder their second daughter was about to commit.

Although Oyin and Anu love story was short-lived but his journey with her was more than memorable. This was a sincere opportunity for Ann to lure Anu into another relationship but with her this time. She successful achieved her aim as Anuoluwapo went further giving love a try. Instead of being a victim this time around he victimized Ann.

He dissolved the relationship that would have ended up in courtship and ultimately marriage after eight months of fight and quarrel. On February 16th, 2014. He had called Ann and for the first time broke up with someone for obvious reasons as he tagged it.

"We are not compatible. Marriage between the two of us will end up in divorce." He stated. She tried to convince him, but he would not see any reason to oblige.

"Omolola! Omolola!! Omolola!!! Come here." He kept shouting after being lost in thoughts for several minutes. He called his cousin who had just made a jest of him.

"We don't love those who love us. Life is unfair that it takes us round a path we are unfamiliar with. It brings us in contact with several numbers of people who mean nothing to our future and later bring unto us that person we love not sure the first instance until we unravel the mystery of love with dedication to each other."

Omolola returned and tried to convince him.

"No matter what your exes have done or what you did that made you fail in your previous relationships, know that love is not an easy path to happiness because it involves trials made by fire. Before I and my husband got married, we met many hindrances on our way. One of which was his insistence to have sex with me before marriage. Thank God you know Segun was my first but not only love." She paused and then continued.

"After dating him for years, we broke up, he went his way and I mine. After six years, the path of love we took reunited us, then he was more matured and so was I. When he came back, I was 26, he proposed, and we started planning for wedding. I hope you can remember some family members then condemned my early consideration of marriage when there were a lot of things to do with my life.

They forgot love is not dependent on age and what you have. They were blind to ask if I had all it takes to manage a home as a mother, to manage my husband as a wife and how to effectively combine these roles as a worker at my place of work and a worker at church and my family representative as a whole. Everyone now identifies with my yesterday's crossroads decision because of what? It yields results. It's not that we have actually found it easy, but we have remained stable because my husband gave God his position and I gave him his position, played my supportive position. It's even better for you to fail in relationships than in marriage." She advised him.

*************

A week after his graduation was confirmed by the University Senate, he worked with one of the biggest print media in Ibadan even as a psychology graduate but with many certifications on workshop, conference and summit on journalism as a journalist though arm chaired but with a pedigree. While he had one eye on securing the future completely with his intended career, his other eye was on the woman of his dreams with the mind of correcting his parents' mistakes.

"I will walk the heroic work; I will secure the future for my generation and my ultimate victory will draw my father to me and by God's grace there will be a reunion of my parents."

Aristotle once said, "Each human being is bred with a unique set of potentials that yearn to be fulfilled as surely as the acorn yearns to become the oak tree that is within it. I believe you and several others are yearning to be great in life. Everyone is handicapped daily. In as much as you encounter a challenge that stop your heroic achievement, then you are one of the handicapped heroes we have been talking about so far.

Before we explore further in the final chapter, I want to intimate you of Joyce Meyer statement, "Say to yourself, if I lived through that horror, I can take the next thing that comes along. But before then you must do the things you believe you can do." Nothing will happen if we fail to make it happen.

Chapter Ten

YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO REMAIN HANDICAPPED

"ONE DAY I AM GOING TO MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON WITH THE RIGHT REASONS AND WITH GOD'S PERMISSION, SO WHOEVER DECLINES ME DOES ME A BIG FAVOUR! BECAUSE TO FALL IN LOVE IS A DECISION AND NOT A FEELING!"

Let me start this concluding chapter by eulogizing you. You may be wondering why. The reason is not farfetched than your dire zeal to impede generational handicapping. It's quite unfortunate that we have an enormous and epidemic of insecure people in this world today and this prevailing problem causes great difficulty in relationships and is one of the reasons divorces, and other handicapping factors are predominant today. However please as you read through the pages of this concluding chapter, do unto your posterity something accolades worthy and of relevance to bring glory to them by learning and effecting changes where they are needed.

It is exactly two years that Anu and Similoluwa have been going out and without gainsaying, this has been the very best moment of their lives; the stunning part of their story is how the dream came true. A dream they had always carried individually before fate brought them in contact and as soon as this was done it was like heaven on earth.

The 15th of August 2015 marked a new beginning in this second class lower graduate life, although he had a delay but was never denied. He attempted this feat three times before the fourth paid off. One thing that is worthy of note is that Anu never gave up and against this backdrop was a determination and a heart filled with belief in the Supreme Being guiding him to make the best of all choices.

Since he graduated he has been a religious and a faithful Christian. He had always conversed the most meaningless of all discourse in life with this God, he wouldn't mince words and would describe the attractive woman he has found interest in, just exactly as she is.

In the course of his devotion, as he rounded off the thanksgiving session, Anu had said, "God Almighty the giver of life, the director of the confused and the light to the blind, as a human that I am, faced with enormous choices, I am preoccupied with knowing your choice for my life maritally, I believe so much in your grace that avails much for my life as I propose to Titiladunayo Benjamin, with the believe I have in you, God, to choose for me this light in complexion, a bit fat, 400 level student of department of Transport Management, Ladoke Akintola University of Technology.

She is beautiful and a born again sister I met during the workers training, if she is your choice for my life, let her say YES without doubt in her mind and give us the grace to carry it into marriage but if she isn't your wish for my life let her say NO without delay." Guess what, it happened just as he requested, Titiladun replied him with a suave no because she didn't see him being anything more than a friend.

It was a continuous journey for Anu till he went for a seminar in Abuja that same year and met Sandra Alowolodu, a graduate of Babcock University, Ilishan. Unlike the first two ladies he met and asked out before, she neither told him a yes nor a no but left him in suspense for months, of course unperturbed Anu was left with no option but to move on. This time for better, he went on his knees and told his God that he is tied to her until she says a yes or no. It took him moment of his life before she unofficially announced a no as answer. She had gone into relationship with another guy.

It was as if Anuoluwapo was playing games as he kept changing and losing friends as soon as love matters set in. After Sandra had introduced her man to him, he then went back on his knees and said his routine prayer and this time, his patience had been tested enough. Finally, Similoluwa Ajayi came into the scene, it appeared more obvious to him as she got closer but how they got talking wouldn't have hinted him of a future with her, but of course fate had a plan for everyone.

On October 8th he was heading back home from a friend's place. Inside the commercial bus he took, an old school mate sat behind him, although a junior to him, but they knew each other while in high school. She tapped him and said,

'Hi, you are...... Anu." He shuddered and looked back to see who was calling him.

"Oh! Good evening." He said smiling at the girl. "Long time. How has life been?" He inquired.

They continued their chitchat that evening before she alighted at Meiran bus stop, some distance away from her parents' house in Lagos. They exchanged blackberry pin before she got down at her bus stop. The aftermath of the meeting was Anu on his feet after some months of their reunion. Although, they were not friends while they were in high school, but things had seriously revolutionized as they now visited each other more often and each person's name had become a household name at the other person's house.

This time, Anu returned on his knees said the same prayer point he had always said for years. This man hasn't changed at all, but things have significantly changed, he is now 23, his plan is to tie the knot at age 25 and with the look of things there seem to be an austere event ahead. It was exactly two month after he proposed, on Saturday 24th may 2015, barely two months to his 24th birthday, the proposed year of his wedding ceremony just a year ahead, she hardly said anything relating to that whenever they talked and of course as a policy of his, he didn't remind her either.

As enduring as he was, it paid off for him that afternoon when she, Similoluwa Ajayi called and said, "Hello my bone, to the glory of God I am not in love because you asked me out but got a confirmation of how I felt within me on that Monday, 9th August, 2015 for you. If am not late with my response, I am ready to be your wife as the Lord will have it."

The story is interesting? I am sure you enjoyed it! But what you just read in pages not up to two hundred was the summary of twenty-four years of someone's life. The truth about life is that "we value the train only when we miss it." That's exactly what happened to the law student Anu fell in love with who thought after she said no to him he would persist in his request but of course the future programmed young man was determined not to waste time on frivolous union.

Moving on may be hard but it's the best for a future you want to prevent regret from. Before we continue, if you must overcome the handicapping situation, you cannot afford not to marry the right person with the right reasons and with God's permission, combined with diligence, believe and trust. You need to believe in whatever is leading you to HIM/HER, you need to be convinced about whatever you conceive and you have to be 100 percent sincere because to fall in love is not a feeling as the liars will say, it is a decision you have to make out of a genuine and sincere heart. Some will even say that they believe in love but they want to enjoy life before they get serious, please ask them, while they will be unserious will they be toying with human beings without emotions or there are humans with emotions meant for practice?

It beats my imagination that many want the best out of life and are not willing to give life a shot of great deeds embedded in them. They would rather prefer to break people's heart and in the long run shatter their own hearts as well and make themselves hollow to their partners. The oblivious heart gets battered and shattered when trying to bring joy to himself at the detriment of others.

Also, the reason why you must be married, to whom you have chosen and at the time you have agreed to have to be understood. Remember trying those things meant to be explored in marriage out in courtship is not only putting you at risk of pregnancy outside wedlock, it is also going to make you old when you are supposed to be enjoying your honeymoon. There would be nothing adventurous to you anymore in marriage. It will take shine off your marriage. Then for doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, you will remind yourself and inform those that will cry with you how you rehearsed before the spectators you expected to watch your stale dance. Mind you, the brunt will be too difficult for us to bear with you if you decide to increase our population with unreadiness and inability to control your libido.

And for the unmarried, many of you know what is right but rather doing the wrong things are your hobbies. In case you have not heard, the world is tired to hear how your so called cute looking rich "Godly" man turned you to punching bags or how your angel-faced beautiful damsel absconded with all your money. We can only sympathize with you and share your failure stories with others to learn from your downfall. I am sure you won't like that! Not too cool to bear!

To prevent further handicapping, if you ever had one, be self-reliant. Get a life and build a future. If you have a good number of academic exposure, you will be endowed with required qualifications and be simultaneously exposed to job creation when the white collar jobs are unavailable, with that who you want to become is finally baked. While you settle down with the newly found job, you can keep an eye on that man/woman with like minds with same aspiration, someone that is willing to be your friend and a family oriented person for that matter, who is willing to support, correct and advice you at all time and the other eye is on how to be a better person even as you wait or search for him or her.

There are so many incitements for the unmarried than this edition of the book you are reading can contain. But even as you are in the waiting room, just like we read in chapter five, calculate the cost of the pursued prize over the benefit to know the surplus value, if not you will be running at loss and you will be boxed to the corner of "HAD I KNOWN." And the forgone choices will lock you up in the room of self-handicapping. I also admonish you to consider choice of marrying the person with the same religion, belief, and lifestyle, if not for your own sake for the unborn generation's sakes. Most dead and dying families were put to death by this religious and differences in beliefs. Like I said earlier, we will not be able to exhaust the fascinating points that can help you break away from the handicapping situations circumstances could have brought our ways.

To the Married, it's awesome that you can never remarry until your spouse leaves the world, for that, God forbid! Anyways that is if you are of the same school of thought with me. Perhaps, let us go through the scripture a bit before we conclude. There is a message for all categories of people in that Paul's message 1st Corinthians 7. Apostle Paul in 1st Corinthians 7:1-40 REPLY TO THE CORINTHIANS INQUIRIES AS TO MARRIAGE; THE GENERAL PRINCIPLE IN OTHER THINGS IS, ABIDE IN YOUR STATION, FOR THE TIME IS SHORT.

The Corinthians in their letter had probably asked questions which tended to disparage marriage and had implied that it was better to break it off when contracted with an unbeliever. Good--that is, "expedient," because of "the present distress"; that is, the unsettled state of the world, and the likelihood of persecutions tearing rudely asunder those bound by marriage ties. Hebrews 13:4, in opposition to ascetic and Romish notions of superior sanctity in celibacy, declares, "Marriage is HONORABLE IN ALL." Another reason why in some cases celibacy may be a matter of Christian expediency is stated in 1 Corinthians 7:34 1 Corinthians 7:35, "that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." But these are exceptional cases, and in exceptional times, such as those of Paul.

He further gave advice on how the unmarried should go about their sexual urge: "Here the general rule is given to avoid fornication more literally, "on account of fornications," to which as being very prevalent at Corinth, and not even counted sins among the heathen, unmarried persons might be tempted. The plural, "fornications," marks irregular lusts, as contrasted with the unity of the Marriage relation in other words let every man have a positive command to all who have not the gift of continency, in fact to the great majority of the world. The duty of cohabitation on the part of the married. due benevolence --The oldest manuscripts read simply, "her due"; that is, the conjugal cohabitation due by the marriage contract she hath not power over her body, and yet it is her own.

Finally, for the married, let it not be heard about you that you disagreed with your spouse all day. Determine how disagreement will be solved hastily as soon as they come up. Do not attempt to bring in third party.

Remember that you are first lover before you are parents and have it in Mind that the future of your wards is dependent on the choices you make in your marriage.

To the celibate, you are celebrated for your choice, but I have this piece for you: Don't start who you can't finish. He that made them made them in two (Man and woman). God understood the essence of marriage and his design is the best for mankind.

And finally to the handicapped gernerally: Cobhams Asuquo's message is enough to inform you that "You can't afford to remain Handicapped" and I am certain is the best piece to drive home the points discussed in this book. Despite his blindness (he was born blind), CEO/Head of Productions of Camp (Cobhams Asuquo Music Productions) Cobhams is one of the music legends in Nigeria today. In one of the interviews he granted, Cobham talked about his life as a blind man and the awesome lessons he's learnt being blind.

I hope it inspires you...

"I'm a dreamer, and fortunately for me, a lot of things I have dreamt about in my life have come true. I believe strongly that one of the strong elements that fuel my very strong sense of imagination and my ability to dream is the gift of blindness. And I'm going to share with you, a couple of things that I have learnt and a couple of life lessons that could be invaluable to you as well that I have learnt from Blindness.

So, to start with, I will state the obvious fact that I was born blind. No one else in my family of six children is blind. There is no known cause. No links. No explanation. Just the reality that I cannot see with my eyes. I was born and raised in the "other side of" the military barracks. I lived in a small block of 18 two-bedroom flats. I shared a flat with my parents, my three siblings and whatever stray pet came our way at a time. There was also my father's Honda Roadmaster 180 Motorcycle, which slept in the living room with me and my siblings for fear that one of its mirrors might be stolen. Also, by morning in my neighborhood there were always things to look forward to.

Now, blindness does not have any physical, psychological, or social meaning. Since I've never experienced sight, I was not aware that I was without sight. I indulged in the innocence of young boyhood. I ran downstairs, jumped over gutters, played hard; fought even harder. I got into any imaginable trouble that a skinny young child could get into. On several occasions, I ran into walls and people. I ran into furniture so hard that observers would shake their heads and say in Pidgin English: 'Person wey we dey feel sorry for, e no dey feel sorry for himself.' (see who we are pitying, yet he doesn't pity himself) Of course my response to such a rebuke was to scurry off and catch up with my friends and hide whatever stray bruises I had sustained away from my mother's disapproving eyes.

Initially, I scoffed at other people's well-meaning concern and pity because I did not understand what the fuss was all about. As I grew older and I gained more understanding of the intricacies of living as a sightless person in a world designed for sighted people, I was faced with the looming possibility of failure in my life. But what I considered to be much worse was that people were ready to excuse my failure because of my disability. This brings me to my first lesson.

Do not Excuse Failure, for any reason on any account. When I turned 10, I was enrolled in a Primary Boarding School for the Blind. Fast forward to graduation day, teachers and other well-wishers were giving us advice on going into the outside world. We were forewarned that we would come across people who would be genuinely mean to us.

People will snatch away our guide canes, pull out our typewriter ribbons, they may not give us the correct change, and generally just take advantage of us because we are blind. And from my experience, and I am sure most of you must have discovered, not all public opinion is correct. So, I personally decided that I did not want to want to worry myself about Guide Cane Snatchers, Ribbon Typewriter thieves, and the likes. I decided not to take that advice. I figured that there were so many unfortunate things in life that had happened to you regardless of whether you were blind. So, why should I heap on an extra burden of worry on myself, just because I am blind.

This is my second lesson, and it's a tough one, to trust. I have learnt this from blindness: To trust. Sometimes, even when I have no reason to. As a child I was quite a kid to have fun with and play little pranks on. My older brother taught me how to jump over open street gutters so anytime I was walking with friends and they inform me that we were approaching a gutter, I would jump – No questions asked. Pretty soon, I discovered that my friends were telling me to jump even when there were no gutters, just so they could have a laugh. But even after I found out, I continued to jump.

I chose to trust them because quite honestly, staying out of the smelly sewage gutters was very important to me.

Now some people might ask. Can't a person be too trusting? But I think trust has no expiration date. Blindness has taught me to keep trusting, to keep hoping, to keep believing. And by the way in case you have not heard, technology came along, thankfully. And not only did it take the rhythms from the typewriter, it also took away the typewriters themselves and replaced them with computers and screen readers. And as for my guide cane story, I've yet to meet one friend of mine who had his white cane snatched from him.

As a matter of fact, at some points I got too desperate and I went ahead in my first year in the University to buy myself a Mercedes Benz Wagon. It broke down on the first day I bought it. And I remember my friend, we were trying to change the tyre, and someone called me, and I said, you know what, I'm having a little car trouble. And thankfully, we can afford better cars and I have a faithful driver, and he is under the watchful eyes of my wife. So, no guide cane thieves and all of that.

Be blind to be focused: Now some time ago, my wife and I walked into a duty-free shop at an Airport. We wanted to buy a bottle of water. Before I knew it, she had stopped by to browse through a magazine, seemingly normal actions for her but I found it quite alarming. Here, we were going in to buy an item but ended up browsing for other stuffs. And that was when it hit me. Sight, sometimes, is a distraction.

Now, I have to say that when my wife goes shopping, no matter how good her intentions are to purchase only the items on her list, she somehow manages to come home with extras. Good Deals! She would like to call them. She knows a lot about good deals, and sales and half sales. And I have to say my wife is a fantastic wonderful woman. Now do not get me wrong, sight is a precious gift. But on your way to your destination, what you see, can also be a big distraction from your goal. So, I have learnt that you must be blind to be focused. Focus is blindness in a sense. I'm sure you can relate to this because you have been focused on your goal and attained your successes by being blind to several things in your life.

Now, we live in a culture that esteems sight over blindness and associate's blindness with weakness. Yet, blindness in all its weakness, I have drawn some key strength in my life's journey. Some, I'm sure would have excused me if I became a failure. But I found it more fulfilling to break away from the expectations of mediocrity. To successfully navigate and negotiate my way through life. Even if it ruffled the feather of those who genuinely cared about me."

I hope you have been inspired with Cobhams' story. This is to show you that being handicapped should not be an excuse! You have got to break up with your scourges because "YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO REMAIN HANDICAPPED."

Dear readers, the summary is "Be ye perfect like your Father in Heaven." says the scripture.

She had just ended a follow up call from Mayowa on his quest to find out the identity of the man he saw beside his fiancée's hospital bed.

I am Ezekiel Adewale Fatomilola, the HANDICAPPED BUT A HERO.

Coming Soon

Everyday families die globally, some due to infidelity, some workaholism, and others personality clashes. Unfortunately some of these things were in establishment even prior to the oath taking on the altar. While the demand for urgent intervention is high in families with this instability, there is grave concern for rescuing of courtship without focus and relationships without directions among the Unmarried. The role of marriage preparation has taken a view of less importance, meanwhile this has given room for unrest in marriages due to inability to learn One coping skill or the other. EZEKIEL Adewale Fatomilola in this series work titled "THE MARRIAGE JOURNEY" focused on how married couples and singles can avoid pitfalls that can thwart a union. With the combination of personality management techniques and the psychological analysis Of other people's stories the book contains, it is targeted at saving unestablished marriages from death and salvage the family from further threat.

Adewale believes that every society needs the family institution to survive and for family to come into existence there is need for THE MARRIAGE JOURNEY. Ensure you read, learn and buy for others when It's on sales!

READ WEEKLY ARTICLES ON THE MARRIAGE JOURNEY @ http//maritalpsychologist.wordpress.com

###The Handicapped Hero_The Revised Version_Coming Soon###
About the Author

Ezekiel Adewale Fatomilola is the author of "The Marriage Journey", a weekly article published on Maritalpsychologist.wordpress.com.

He is a Project Manager, Business Developer, Content Creator, Relationship Blogger, Playwright, and a Relationship Counselor.

His work cut across multiple disciplines.

As a Journalist, Adewale served as Editor-In-Chief at the Faculty of Social Sciences Press Organisation. He was also a member of the Union of Campus Journalists' Editorial Board at the University of Ibadan.

As a Content Creator and Business Developer, he has worked with brands like Emerald Green, Seun Odutayo Foundation, and now Swift Rental Cars Limited.

Adewale has provided counseling services to over 23 relationships, eight of which have led to conjugal bliss. His first work, was published in 2012.

His work has featured on notable sites including Kobo.com, Valour Digest, and Oneafricanchild.com.

He is a YALI alumnus, an MBA candidate at the School of Business, Manchester University.

Other works by this author

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