

Chasin' Wild Dreams

...Through the Years

Published by Danielle M. Titus at Smashwords

Copyright 2010 Danielle M. Titus

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Introduction

First and foremost; I am a mother. Being a mom is definitely a full time job with great benefits and little vacation time. When my boys were ages eight, six, four, and four (yes, I have twins) God introduced me to my first dream come true; Brendan Leigh Wilken. I was born in Jacksonville, North Carolina and raised in the small town of Liberty; South Carolina. I'm just a simple minded, southern, country girl who uses poetry as a way to speak out my life story, inner thoughts, and personal life observations. All of my life; for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to write a book. I have been down many roads thus far in my life and through many experiences. I have chosen to write about my observations and experiences during my life within this memoir. At times; it may be easy to feel pity or sympathy for the things I have been through. I am asking that you try not to feel either of these; as that is not my goal. My goal is to get my story out and hopefully help others who may be suppressing similar emotions or going through harsh times. I hope that if you take anything away with you while reading my book, that you see the morals and lessons I have tried to show while exposing my life story. I believe that I am more of a poet than a writer. Please take your time and enjoy my book of poetry. Publishing this book has been my second dream come true. Dreams can come true; just have faith in your dreams and believe in yourself.

This Book

Many emotions you'll read, here inside of this book,

don't judge to quickly from the pictures my life took.

Throughout my years- many lessons I have learned,

emotions and experiences fill each page that you turn.

Some filled with joy, love, and smiles-

happiness and laughter that have graced my miles.

Some full of tears, hurt, and pain-

from the trials and troubles that came with life's rains.

These experiences that I've held during my times,

ran freely when I sat and wrote my rhymes.

I hope that you keep an open mind as you read my book-

and I hope that you can find the lesson each picture took.

Chapter One:

Faith, Hope, and Love...

"...These three remain, Faith, Hope, and Love-

with the greatest of these being Love."

\--1 Corinthians 13:13

(NIV)

The Life Song of Corinthians: Faith, Hope, and Love

Loving yourself can be the hardest lesson in life that can knock you down,

but life really does get better when asking God to come around.

You try and let God lead your life when love for yourself is not all that much,

and I can assure you that you haven't even come close to really feeling God's glorious touch.

God is the most important man you should love throughout your days,

but with no love for yourself it's difficult to offer another person true loving praise.

You must learn to love yourself before your heart can truly love another,

loving yourself can be a treacherous battle- harsher than any other.

But once you have stubbornly struggled to carry your own cross over the mountains in your days,

try letting it knock you down to life's lowest position- and while you're on your knees...pray.

You may fall down quite a few times; depending on how stubborn you really are,

but try saving yourself from a few skinned knees and latch onto that hope and find faith that you deserve that love in your heart.

Love is wonderful...pure and true,

the most hateful person to learn to love...happens to be; only You.

Love yourself, then put all of your hope in your faith and trust in God to lead you through your days,

trust him to care for you when stormy weather happens to blow your way.

You hold the strength; through love, to withstand troubled times you may have to face,

but with Faith for today, Hope for tomorrow, and Love for who you are- You can truly love and cherish; God's saving grace.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

It took me one harsh experience, a few wrong choices, and the use of my stubborn will that kept me standing when I had every excuse to stay down. Finally, I was able to open my eyes and see how I had become my own worst enemy. With that realization I was also able to see just what I had to do in order to fully love myself. Rather than allow myself to make another wrong choice and enter another relationship; I had to take time on my own until I knew and truly believed just how beautiful, smart, and worthy of love I really am. I had to learn how to raise my self esteem on my own rather than depend on someone else to help make me feel worthy and needed. By taking time for myself it helped me cherish my life even more. In the end, I was able to be completely in love with life, and love just being me.

It can be easy to accept less for yourself and accept negative treatment from others when you have been raped or molested. The abrupt act of another mistreating you; especially if it goes on for a long extent of time or at an extreme young age, can cause one to blame themselves. In blaming your self then it also teaches you that you have a low self worth that leads to you not love yourself and makes you feel less deserving of true love. I praise God that I finally took the time to see where I was going wrong in my life decisions that I had made. That knowledge led me to stay away from a relationship with another until I was able to know that I am worth the true love from myself. By learning to love myself again I was able to fully accept God's abundant love. It took a good two years but; in the end, it was worth it. As I came out being filled with love for who I am and could honestly feel the guiding love of God present in my every day life. Have hope for tomorrow and never give up.

My Song

I lie awake at night; silently singing my song,

fearing the moment for when he will come in; it won't be long.

I keep singing my song with hope that he won't come tonight,

for when he comes in; I get scared with utterly, dreadful fright.

I sing my song full of hope,

that he won't come tonight; for I can't cope.

I sing my song in my mind,

for here he comes, he isn't kind.

I sing my song while I pretend to sleep,

but now; on the inside, I begin to weep.

I sing my song filled with dread,

for here he comes; upon my bed.

I sing my song full of tears,

for he's doing it again; I wish my mother were here.

I sing my song while he continues to hurt me,

I wish he would quit; I'm hurting, why can't he see?

I sing my song as he exit's the room,

he's ruined my life- I'm filled with gloom.

I sing my song as I hope for a better tomorrow,

that shall free me of my pain and sorrow.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

This poem was written as a form of emotional release when I was going through some harsh times that nobody should ever have to go through. Due to my fears of the consequences of telling another what was going on, I suppressed the pain and eventually learned how to release my pain through writing. Molestation or Rape is a harsh thing to go through. If you have been through the torments of either or know someone who has; then please, find someone you can trust to talk to and help yourself or help lead your friend to get the help they may need.

I Was There

I was there when he decided to come to me,

he was out of control; but that, he could not see.

I was there when he came in,

he was wearing a chilling, deceptive grin.

His actions caused me to feel a lot of pain,

I was lying in tears, but it felt like rain.

I was there when I did not want to be,

I was hurting a lot, but nobody else could see.

I wanted nothing more than to go away,

I was there- but I didn't want to stay!

I tried so hard to get rid of my guilt,

I felt like a flower that was ready to wilt.

I was becoming overwhelmed with my pain,

and sometimes felt as if I would go insane.

I cut myself, I burned myself, I did not eat,

I was fighting a battle that was hard to defeat.

I was lucky to have a guardian angel who cared for me,

for with her help; she led me towards love and helped me know and believe.

I now know his actions were not my fault,

though it took quite some time to rid myself of that thought.

I was put through hard times and a lot of fear,

all because... I Was There.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

This poem was written when I was trying to understand why I had been through the abuse I endured. The amount of pain was so strong that it was hard for me to believe I had to endure the abuse all because I was there. With everyone telling me that I didn't do anything wrong and with my abuser facing no consequences I began to blame God.

It's hard not to wonder why God would allow abuse to happen. We must remember that God does not control us. Among the gifts that God blesses us with is the gift of free will. God can only shine the light towards the right path and be there for us when we call on him. Does God cry when others use their free will to abuse another? I'd like to think so. That is where the rains from my storms came from; God crying for me. I never wish for anyone to feel pity for me because of what I went through. God loves me and he cried for me. Nobody deserves to be abused. God is the one who leads us towards help as we cry out to him. It's up to us to follow his path and not loose sight of the beauty in his loving gift to us; which is...our life.

Hug Someone

There is this girl I've come to know,

she has many emotions; but it's hard for her to let them show.

She has so many unspoken feelings,

if she could only talk to someone loving and willing...

Willing to help her talk and just to be there,

envelope her in their arms with a hug that shows they care.

If she could only cry out from all the agony, stress, and pain,

the storm clouds are looming over her- she's pelted by rain.

She looks up towards the pale blue sky,

the rain isn't coming down- she wonders why?

She has been so filled with pain- it seems the time has finally come,

when her emotions start to spill over and she begins to cry some...

Normally she won't allow herself to cry,

others wouldn't understand the reasons why.

She's been hurt so much and to cry only brings her more pain,

but now it's spilling out- her face is being pelted by her own rains.

To cry feels much better than the laughter she's used to,

life just hurts so much and she doesn't really know just what to do.

She's got so much enthusiasm and so much pain,

but her happiness slowly fades when she gets hurt- once again...

She looks and acts pretty normal but she doesn't feel the beauty of love,

she just needs someone to talk to and maybe...give her a hug.

So if you see someone who is rather quiet and their laughter seems to be filled with pain from inside,

then offer a listening ear- as you never know how a hug from a stranger can help another relieve tears they've had to cry.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem when I was going through my times of hurt and abuse that left me feeling as if I had to hide my emotions. I felt I had to endure the abuse because I had somehow deserved it. I held the thought that I obviously must deserve the pain because my mom kept letting me go to the home of my abuser where I would be abused even more. I felt ashamed of myself for doing something so wrong that I had to be punished with the abuse that I endured. When; in reality, I had done nothing wrong. My mother wasn't punishing me by making me go through the abuse I was going through. After all; I had done nothing wrong to deserve the pains I endured by my abuser. My mother couldn't make the abuse stop because she didn't know that it was happening. Knowing now what I didn't know then has caused me to try and analyze others around me in my days. If I see where I have a chance to help someone else who seems to be having a hard time then I do my best to help them. Sometimes it may just take me flashing someone else a smile that will start them talking about whatever problems they are facing in their life. Other times it's the mere act of saying, "God bless you" as I pass them by. Simple acts of kindness can help someone else hold onto their own hopes of a better tomorrow. A life filled with faith, hope, and love is such a blessing to have that it would be a shame not to share it with someone else.

My Mom

My mom- she loves me,

but she didn't protect me.

She bandaged my scrapes when I was young and full of dreams,

but she wasn't able to see when I was truly hurting.

She helped create many happy memories through my younger years,

but she left me alone to experience the bad that left me full of tears.

She fed me daily, provided for me, and took great care of me,

but she didn't stop another from hurting me- she just wouldn't see.

She gave me guidance and led me towards the right direction,

but when another brought on a war with me- she didn't help me win.

She was there to laugh with me when life brought laughter,

but she never heard my cries that would come after...

My mom- she loves me,

but she couldn't protect me.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

When I was going through the times of abuse as a child I thought my mother didn't care enough to make it stop. When I would ask her if I could go to my abusers house to babysit she would always tell me the dreaded word; "yes." I prayed and prayed that she would just tell me that I couldn't go. Abuse can misconstrue your thoughts and make you lay blame where it doesn't belong. This typically happens because the abused person feels they are not strong enough to stand up against their abuser. That's why they are called, "abusers." Abusers play off of your emotions and fill you full of empty threats to scare you. If my mother had only known of what was happening...she would have protected me. There is no doubt in my mind. I owe her so many apologies for blaming her as I did back then. During the times of blaming her I missed out on many more happy memories she had in store for me. I praise God I was sent a special guardian angel who helped mend the bridge of communication between my mother and I. As it was then, that I was able to talk to my mom.

If you are being abused please don't allow your abuser to scare you into not talking. Abuse is hard and can ruin years of your life; but only if you let it. Stand up for yourself and know that nobody deserves to be abused. Your parents do love you and may not always know what is going on in your life. Not because they lack that desire of knowledge but because we shut them out rather than invite them in. Let it be known this poem was written years ago and I know just how blessed I am to have my mothers love in my life.

The War

The war started before I had my gun properly drawn,

stole my sun out from underneath me- now it's just dawn.

My days are dreary now,

sunshine I want to welcome- just not sure how.

I don't want to be trapped in this darkness,

God; I just don't know how to get out of this mess.

If you can send me a sign- a pure white flag,

I wouldn't feel so alone...my gun sure wouldn't sag.

I see no signs of peace coming my way anytime soon,

so with my gun drawn...here I sit; underneath the moon.

I'm almost out of bullets; no more left to spare,

why do I have this scarlet letter on my sleeve- that I must wear?

Just want to rip it off and let it turn to dust,

or should I let it just sit and fester and allow it to rust?

Hopeless to sit out here and continue waiting,

should I go undercover and just let myself dream?

Worried the dreams would haunt me through the night,

oh; please God, just bring back the sun, I need that light.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Throughout the abuse I endured I knew that I wanted it to end. As a child; I just didn't know how to make it go away. As a form of release and a way to try to get the love of myself back into my life- I would write. Though as time went by and things continued to only get worse I began to feel hopeless and full of blame. God sent a special woman into my life to help me. At times she would just listen and then I'd go back to where I was before I had come to speak to her. But, it's those times where she would just listen that let me know others do care. She helped bridge the gap between my mother and myself that helped me feel safe enough to talk to my mom. I praise God for the guardian angel he sent me so long ago and I praise God for letting me see the light of his love back into my life. Faith, Hope, and Love will help you rise above your toughest trials and battles. You just have to believe.

My Guardian Angel

She came into my world during a desperate time,

when I wanted to runaway from pain and just let myself die.

She showed me true kindness; she really cared,

she got me to speak of things I hadn't felt safe enough to share.

She opened my heart and truly touched my soul,

I was tired of living- my feelings had grown cold.

She unlocked the door to my heart so I could see,

that I did deserve the love I had been hiding inside of me.

She told me I was important and didn't deserve to go through all that I had,

I was so overwhelmed with guilt; I couldn't help but feel innately bad.

No matter how hard headed I was; she still believed in me and taught me of my true potential,

she took so much of her time just to help one very stubborn little girl- She really is someone special!

She taught me to love again when I was afraid of the hurt associated with the emotion of love,

to this day; her footprints are still around from where my heart she chose to touch.

She welcomed me openly with her eyes,

she believed in me when myself; I did despise.

When I felt unable to go on any longer,

she was always around- helping me feel stronger.

I grew on the inside thanks to all of her patience and concern,

she taught me things that; in order to succeed, I needed to learn.

I feel that I shall never be able to thank her nearly enough,

I mean; just how do you thank someone for that kind of stuff?

There were so many times I just wanted to give up the fight,

but here I stand; strong today, and praise God for this beautiful life.

When my Guardian Angel and I met my heart was locked up- my thoughts were harsh as stone,

then she flew in and blessed me; made me see that I was no longer alone.

Though I was never really by myself; it was just hard for me to believe,

that things weren't my fault and it wouldn't bring pain to others to show the real, true me.

She helped give me strength, like I had held once before,

my heart grew stronger every time I walked through her door.

She truly was my Guardian Angel- flew in from out of the sky,

she unlocked my emotions again- I felt the tears my heart cried.

She changed my life around when she entered into it,

I will always be grateful for her precious time- every single minute.

When she taught me the things she did; the pain eased up and the guilt and shame ended,

she saved my life; that I'm grateful for today, by taking the pieces of my heart and helping me mend it.

She's such a great person to be around and helps make one feel good,

she sure swooped in to save me; when I felt nobody else would.

She might seem like a normal person for all of the world to see,

but my special Guardian Angel; to me, she will always be!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Due to the amount of pain, shame, and guilt I had suppressed; because of the abuse, I was sent a guardian angel; Mrs. Burgess. She came along and helped restore my faith, hope, and love. She shared her love and much of her time with me; just another student in her class. When I was heading towards a disastrous curve in life because of all I was suppressing, Mrs. Angela Burgess took her love, patience, kindness, and invested quite a bit of her time just to show me; one stubborn girl, the beauties of myself and life that I had lost sight of. The help that she offered and gave me is what leads me towards the desire of wanting to help others with my life. Sometimes all it takes is a total stranger to save another person from the feelings of desperation that life has the ability to lead one to have at times.

Flashbacks

I wasn't sure just what was wrong with me,

I sometimes felt things that I didn't wish to see.

I didn't know how to make the flashbacks go away,

they came mostly at night, while in bed I laid.

I felt so bad; torn inside from the hurt and pain,

the memories would flood in- like unwanted rain.

I was afraid to tell anyone about these things I would feel,

but the visions that came when I closed my eyes seemed so real.

It was something I had to learn how to overcome while living my life,

and I have to say I'm proud of myself for overcoming that strife!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Abuse can affect a person in many different ways. One way that being raped or molested can affect you is in the different relationships you have later on in life. There are times when someone would be near me and I'd flinch as they got closer, times when I would close my eyes at night and the pain would flood in. It got rather difficult for me to be with a partner in my adult years; due to the flashbacks that would come during intimate moments. I can honestly say that once I took the time to myself; and saw where I was going wrong, the flashbacks slowly begin to fade. The time on my own; without a partner in my life, helped me tremendously. I was finally able to learn to let go of asking the unanswered question of, "why?" By letting go of 'why' and holding on to today I was able to love myself again and rid myself of the shame and guilt 'why' can cause one to hold on to. Once I learned how to let go of my unanswered questions I was also able to honestly say out loud that I forgive my abuser for what was done to me. Have I said it directly to my abuser; no. Could I? Yes. Through forgiveness, I was able to place the blame of the abuse back to the abuser and away from myself. In not blaming myself any longer the flashbacks started to fade and it got easier to be in love with me and my life. Can I say that I never have a day where flashbacks come my way? I wish that I could say, "yes." However; I can say that when it does happen I don't feel the pain and hurt that I did in the past. Rather, I am able to feel pride for what I was able to overcome through faith, hope, and love.

Wasted Years

The smile on your face,

shows the world much disgrace.

The mistakes you made in life?

The horrid way you treated your wife?

How do you call yourself a man?

When you abuse another; but, yet you still stand?

Waste of breath for your life,

for the hurt you've caused and never ending strife.

I shall never understand your horrid ways,

I ask for strength to forgive you when I pray.

I tried so hard to figure out the reasons why,

because of you I had to live a lie?

I hated myself; wasted years of my own life,

searching to find your reasons and questioning, why?

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration:

When someone is abused over a period of time and at a young age; it's easy for them to believe they are the person who is at fault. For they know what is happening is wrong but, because the abuser is an adult then it can be confusing to a child to understand why the adult causes them so much pain. Children don't always understand that the other adults in their life don't know what is happening. Therefore; leading the child to think they must have done something wrong because of the pain they are being put through. Which can lead them to feel ashamed and guilty to be burdening their loved ones with the mere simplicity of their presence.

After much time with my "Guardian Angel" and the counseling that followed, I began to slowly redirect my anger from the abuse towards my abuser; with my writing, and away from myself. I had to learn the hard way that there wasn't a reason, "why." For in searching for the reason, "why" I ended up setting myself up for more pain from other relationships. If you have been abused it's important to find a way to release your anger positively and take the time to learn how to forgive your abuser.

Storm Cloud

Life was a storm cloud

wish you could see me now-

How far I've come since you knocked me down...

Never thought I'd make it up

but; oh, how I'm filled with love-

smiles and laughter shine where teardrops once was...

With hope; I stood my ground

held faith in the love around-

Oh, I've fallen in love with life's beautiful sounds...

You must have thought you had stole it from me

but my love filled me with wondrous strength-

Oh, you can't have my precious dignity...

Look who's shining now

God chased away your storm cloud-

He picked me up when you pushed me down...

I had to be strong to withstand your pain

keep standing; amidst your rain-

Oh, I pray you never hurt another again...

Oh; how I wish I could see you now

I'd stand strong despite your weathered cloud-

Oh; how I wish you'd try to push me back down...

My God is powerful, mighty, and strong

he's blessed me with a love filled song-

What you did... Oh; how bad it was wrong...

No worries- I hold no fear or hate

just praise God for my love filled days-

Oh; just look at this miracle that he took time to create...

Once thought I would never make it here

didn't see my life as worthy or dear-

To feel love only filled me full of more fears...

I forgive you for what you did to me

for the shame I once thought was mine to keep-

Oh; how I'm blessed with rising to achieve my life dreams...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

If you have been hurt or affected negatively by another; it is important to not let yourself be consumed with hatred or anger. I know it may seem easier to say it than it is to actually do it; but you have to find a way to give forgiveness. If you live a life with hatred or anger stored within you for another person then it can also affect your future relationships in life. Whether you believe it or not; negative thoughts that we think are hid from others we love...are visible to them in how we live our every day life. Everybody makes mistakes and some people do hurt others with their mistakes. While it is wrong for another person to rape or molest you; it won't help you become the person you were meant to be if you let yourself be consumed with hatred or anger. Pray for help in finding a way to forgive your abuser. When you no longer feel hatred or anger fueling inside of you, then it will become surprisingly easy to see the beauties of the world that we are surrounded by.

Let it Rain

Let the storm clouds come and wash the pain away,

Let the thunder clap loud and erase the words we say.

Let the rain stream in and wash the memories down the drain,

Let the past be forgotten and bring forth no more pain.

Let it storm and thunder

Let it lightning and rain

Let words and actions

bring forth no more pain...

Let the lightning make way for a brighter day.

Let the thunder trumpet in and bang away the sin.

Let the rain fall down and good memories be found.

Let it storm and thunder

Let it lightning and rain

Let words and actions

bring forth no more pain...

Let the thunder scream loud, and turn my life around.

Let the lightning flash bright, and bring back pure delight.

Let the rain roll by, and the sun shine in the sky.

Let the storm clouds come, and his will be done...

Let it storm and thunder

Let it lightning and rain

Let words and actions

bring forth no more pain...

Ohh; Just Let it Rain, Let it Rain, Let it Rain...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Abuse is and can be a harsh obstacle to overcome in life because of the damage it does to your self-esteem and self-worth. The road back to success in love and life can be one long, harsh trek back up that mountain that you were pushed down. In time, with strong will and determination I was able to make it back up that mountain. The love I was filled with helped keep me strong when the weather tried to knock me back down.

God's Gift

God blesses everyone with a special gift called, "life,"

it took many years before I began to really cherish mine.

Once upon a time- it seems so long ago,

I went through some things that had left me hanging low.

I was told life was full of an abundance of love and joy; yet I felt none at all,

I praise God for being there and helping me stand; when I was weak and heading towards a bad fall.

Many years have passed now and my life has moved on,

my past is my past; I am proud to be me- Life has made me strong.

I am so in love with my life I could cry a river filled with joyous tears,

I praise God for this gift of life; which I no longer have to fear.

I once was made weak and weary of continuing my own life; but God has helped me stand proud and strong,

he's recently shown me how dreams come true and sent me a partner who fits perfectly into the beat of my life song.

I know that God is here with me and my love for him shall hold no slack-

I hold hope in today, faith in tomorrow, and love for my life that's no longer afflicted by my past.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Though it may seem like the pain and hurt will never end at times, you must not give up. Just learn to believe in your own faith that there is truly hope in tomorrow. Then follow that faith to the end of the rainbow that shall lead you to fully feeling and experiencing God's glorious love back into your life.

Reasons to the Seasons

To everything there is a season,

all that happens; does hold reason.

We can sit and worry ourselves with what that reason is,

or just accept that life is sometimes like a cola without any fizz.

The reasons of just why things happen as they do,

plays a very important role in the one and only; You.

Don't start assuming that you know what I'm going to say in my next few lines,

for it's troubling me right now and the right words to explain this...is a bit hard to find.

I'm going to say something that some may find a bit absurd...

I'm gonna ask that you try your best to understand my next words.

You've just got to believe in yourself and not waste time trying to seek out the reasons,

and just have faith that; in life, there's always hope in your next season.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

One obstacle that I kept encountering that continued to lead me to more and more dead-ends was my stubbornness and strong will. I could not stop asking myself, "why?" In seeking out the answer to my question I ended up blinding myself by continuously accepting less for myself than I truly deserve. Which; in turn, lead me to have to go through more harsher experiences than the one that had me questioning, "why" in the first place. Once I stopped searching for answers to unanswered questions and used my stubbornness and strong will to look for the good in the today and see the beauty of tomorrow, I was also able to stop accepting less than I deserve. This led me to the love my life is now filled with- the love of myself.

My Momma's Love

Oh, how I remember the days with my momma

and everything she'd do- to show us all her love

Not much money for food- momma planted a garden so her babies could eat

oh, we'd spend our summers pullin' weeds- shuckin' corn, and stringin' fresh green beans

Momma'd stock the pantry full of canned foods for winter time meals

oh; yes, our freezer was stocked with frozen goods- all by my momma's will...

Oh, all the pain of her days- she never let us know

in all that she'd do- my momma's love flowed...

Flowin' steady- all through the years

never lettin' her babies- see all of her tears...

She's the strongest woman- I'll ever know

all through our days- her river of love flowed...

Cupcake liners- flyin' in the air

runnin' after momma- no worries or cares

Playin' hide-n-seek; she hid me in our old wooden stereo

oh, won't someone please tell me- just where'd yesterday go...

Takin' long walks- feelin' the wind songs breeze

unlockin' screen doors with broomsticks- who needed keys

Waterin' the plants- with our spare dinnertime milk

oh; never came a day- when momma's love would ever wilt...

Never was any money for gas- to take us out to the park

instead we'd play with momma- making mazes amidst the corn stalks

Who needed toys or games- with a momma like mine

oh, she's the toughest woman- I'll ever know in my life...

All the pain in her days- she never let us know

in all that she'd do- my momma's love flowed...

Flowin' steady- all through the years

never lettin' her babies- see all of her tears...

Oh, she could've given up- each time life pushed her to the ground

but she'd hide the abuse- make sure her babies were safe and sound

Not a soul would've blamed her- if she'd never gotten up

but she'd stand tall and proud- and give us all of her love...

Watched as my sisters and I- danced out in the rain

oh, you'd never have known- she was feelin' any pain

Shampooin' our hair out on the back porch- we'd lay upside down

she'd take time to braid our hair- into little princess crowns...

Oh, the pain in her days- she never let us know

in all that she'd do- my momma's love always flowed...

Flowin' steady- all through the years

never lettin' her babies- see all of her tears...

She'd take us out walkin'- along the old railroad tracks

the memories of momma's love- floods in as I'm looking back...

Oh, all the pain in her days- she never let us know

in all that she'd do- my momma's love always flowed...

Flowin' steady- all through the years

never lettin' her babies- see all of her tears...

Oh, she's the strongest and toughest- woman I'll ever know

Yes, all through the years- my momma's love always flowed...

She's the strongest and toughest- woman I'll ever know

Oh, my momma's love- like a strong river- it always flowed...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

My mother has been a constant inspiration in my life. To be through all that she has and still remain standing has helped fill me with hope. When the strongest winds come and try to knock her down, she remains strong and merely sways with the wind. My younger years are filled with precious memories of my momma's love. I never knew; until later on in my life, just what my mother was going through while creating these precious memories of my early childhood years. Cherish those special moments with your loved ones while you can. I urge you to take time and view other people for who they are and not only for what they do for you. When you are able to see people for who they are, you are better able to feel the love they claim to have for you. By knowing that my mother really loved me, enough to hide her own abuse to ensure my happiness, it taught me to listen to her advice. I was able to see that she wasn't telling me what to do just because she's my mom; but, because she wanted to protect me. If only I would have known then what I know now. I could have saved myself heartache, harsh lessons, and a few skinned knees had I only listened to my momma's love.

Strong and Stubborn

I was strong and stubborn-

refusin' the easy way.

I was so hard headed-

didn't follow the advice that you gave.

I wasn't happy- fighting on my own

my "husband" was with me- I wasn't alone

To blind to see- what he had in store for me

He was so respectful- always there, hand in hand

In the end I fell- just to watch him stand

Held me down- used me for his friends to satisfy

raped in the creek by 3 guys- laid in my rain asking why

I was scared to run- obviously my choices were wrong

I stayed faithfully beside him- his punches were strong

I should've known- from watching how he treated his ex

he said I was different- she warned me, I was next

How stupid was I- to believe what he'd said

if I'd stayed with him- I'd probably be dead

I never had to hurt- I never had to fight

if I'd only listened- oh, my momma was right

I should've listened- and took time to see who I was

should've found myself deserving- of feeling my own love...

I should've listened- back when I was just a child

when I was told I didn't deserve- what's happened for a long while

I could've known then- that I could still love me

the pain from my "marriage"- I'd probably never seen

But...

I was strong and stubborn- refusin' the easy way.

I was so hard headed- didn't follow the advice you gave.

I was so strong and stubborn- oh, I knew it all

in the end I'm standing...but, first I had to fall

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I think that the words, "momma knows best," sums up my inspiration in writing this selection. If only I had listened to my mother; way back when, I could have saved myself from learning the hard way. I suppose I can say I'm offering my advice to you to save you from some harsh lessons in your day. Listen and consider the advice of loved ones around you in your life.

Let it be known the words, "could've" and "should've" are both cognitive words that can lead you to dwell in the past. If you are always thinking about what you could have done or what you should have done then, what time do you have left to set goals to what can be done?

Final Battle

Once upon a time- not so long ago

I married this one man- and the punches that he'd throw

His words knocked me down- and made me believe

the one and only thing- he wanted me to see...

That I wasn't beautiful, smart, or sweet

when I thought I was- more punches that I'd meet

'Till he had me down- worshippin' his way

then the pain would stop- until the next day

Bruises could be hid- with wonders of cover girl

but deep inside I knew- I deserved a better world

Would look in the mirror- and what did I see

a girl who was beautiful, smart, and sweet

Would get that stubborn mind- and toss out my own words

ask him to get help- when he didn't wanna be disturbed

He'd pull me in close- and look me in the eye

gave me that 'ole look- I'd been taught to despise

I wasn't beautiful, smart, or sweet

when I thought I was- more punches that I'd meet

'Till he had me down- worshippin' his way

then the pain would stop- until the next day

Each and every time- I would walk with pride

my 'husband' came along and would knock it aside

Wanted to run- a better life I would make

but he made me weak- with every step that I'd take

Until the day when he up and walked away

there by his side- my foolish self stayed

Left me my son- when he left me all alone

I picked up my pride- set out on my own

I held his words- stuck in my head

was better to believe- what I wanted to instead...

I was beautiful, smart, and sweet

his final battle- I would defeat

When life pushed me down- I began to pray

I loved my life again- each and every day...

Yes; I am beautiful, smart, and sweet

his final battle- I managed to defeat.

Life Observation that Lead to my Inspiration

The abuse I had went through as a child had left me with a low self-esteem. I did my best to build myself back up after meeting the love of my guardian angel and the counseling that led me back towards the love of my mother and myself. When this one man came along and respected me by asking before he sexually touched me. The respect I felt during that one incidence led me to fall head over hills into the illusion of love for this man. It took me much time and many hard lessons before I learned that the respect he showed me was merely the respect that any man should have for a woman. When I began to be abused in other ways by this man it made my past flash back. I began to degrade myself and lower my self standards once again. I felt that to go through what I had as a child and to be going through what I was in my marriage...I must deserve it. Please before you proclaim your love for another be sure to take time to ensure they won't bring you hurt or abuse. Everybody deserves to be respected and nobody deserves to be abused. If you are an abuse survivor and find yourself in another abusive situation; time after time, don't condemn yourself. Take time for YOU and reflect on the type of men you are drawn to being with. In time you will see that you are worth having a partner in your life who treats you as an equal and not as a doormat. You may meet more than one man in your life that treats you as a doormat; Lord knows I have met my share. In order to be completely happy and experience the love you yearn for and the love you deserve take time alone. Fall in love with yourself before you claim to have fallen in love with another. How can you really expect another to love you with a love that is true if you don't truly love yourself?

Extended Holiday

Due to recent happenings; I have to say,

I'm giving relationships and 'love' an extended holiday.  
Love is supposed to be pure and true,  
it's done nothing to me- but leave me here feeling blue.  
Lifts me up; then knocks me to the ground,  
leaves me in a cloud of dust with nobody else around.  
So I have closed that door to my heart,

spending time on my own and making a fresh start.

I can't be in a relationship and love another again,

until I find a way to make my failures come to an end.  
I'm holding onto hope that I am able to eventually find,

the reasons why failure in relationships have entered my rhyme.

I'm taking time alone to raise my boys and to work on me,

I pray for success that will eventually lead me towards my dreams.

I don't feel as if I can take another ounce of pain and still sway in the wind,

so to save my heart from being broken I can only offer myself as a friend.

I have a lot of love for others I meet and can be your best friend in this world,

but I can't allow you to take me into your life and call me, "Your Girl."

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wasn't sure how to fix the mistakes in my past when I wasn't sure of where I had went wrong. In order to be that strong tree that can beautifully sway with the wind of life's weathers I had to take time to spend reflecting on myself. I wrote this poem when I was feeling frustrated at the pain love had brought into my life. I knew I had a lot of love to offer another but just didn't understand the reasons for my failure in maintaining a healthy relationship with a partner in my life. When life hands you problems a sure way to stop them from repeating all over again is to stop and take time to see the mistakes that were made; and work at not letting them be made again.

Love and Laughter

Love and Laughter,

things that people chase after.

We live and we learn,

we work and we earn.

We make mistakes and gain strength,

sometimes life makes no sense.

Why try and try again at the same simple problem,

Why? When you know love will falter and make your world dim?

Does true love ever really exist,

or because of choices; is that something that shall be missed?

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem while dwelling on the choices I had made in my life that led towards paths of destruction of my self love. In making the wrong choices and realizing my mistakes; I questioned the ability to ever maintain a positive relationship with another in my lifetime. As you can tell; from reading this poem, I was writing with a negative point of view regarding love faltering. It's normal to have negative feelings and emotions when you realize the mistakes you have made. Find some way to relieve yourself of those negative thoughts and merely, move on with your life...towards the promise of love through God's saving grace.

Free

I find myself sitting in church once again,

here in God's house; still covered with sin.

I want to dance outside in the rain,

let the water wash away the hurt I contain.

Free me from my pain and sorrow,

lead me towards a better tomorrow.

So tired of failing- when I'm trying,

outside I'm happy- inside I'm crying.

Desire to follow the narrow path and let the good Lord lead my life,

want to give up this broad path- find a way to give up this strife.

It's illusions of happiness and peace have brought me nothing but pain,

I feel as if I'm covered in failures and hid by shame.

To fail myself; I've done that many days,

to trust in God- I have to find my faith.

It's hard a lot- because I feel so alone,

feelings I harbor- I'm sure God wouldn't condone.

Trying to understand the Bible so I won't set myself up for more failure or pain,

I want to be free from my past and discover the faith I know that I contain.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Once I realized that I needed to take some time off from being in a relationship the questions on how to rid myself of self blame began to flood into my mind. I would take my kids to each of their Sunday school classes and then go to a spare room inside of the church where I could spend the next two hours focusing on myself. Sometimes it just helped me to write how I was feeling at the time. As time went on and I wrote more, I was able to read my writings and analyze myself. Through time, strong will, stubbornness, and patience with myself- I was able to find the faith that I contain. I had to have faith in my footsteps while walking in the dark and trust in God to be my flashlight to help me not trip and fall.

Who am I?

Finding Myself; Who am I?

a mother, a lover, a sinner, a saint, why?

A Mother

God Blessed me with my children,

I love them...no matter what, no matter why, no matter when...

Their smiles will take away the worst stresses around,

their hugs and kisses will make my life seem sound.

A Lover

God Blessed me with the gift of love,

I love all people...no matter what...

I have those that I once harbored hate for, but forgive and ye shall be forgiven...

Needless to say; I have forgiven and I am forgiven myself...no matter what price I paid for the others sins.

A Sinner

Let's see; a sinner....I have my boys...I have my life...I have them all in sin,

as I only married my oldest son's father and children without marriage isn't God's way; however, I feel as if I am still in.

I know that God understands myself and the positions I have been in,

I feel that he forgives me of my sins.

A Saint

I worship my Lord; with a love like no other love that I've ever felt take place,

he is full of love for all of mankind and blesses us with his saving grace.

I worship my Lord...with every breath that I breathe,

He blessed my life with Love; by giving me my children, he helped give love back to me.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I love my life. Yes; I have stresses and struggles as everyone else;

however, I'm able to rise above my trials and tribulations easier with the help of the smile of my boys every morning, he laughter throughout the days, the beauties that surround me, and the love that is found when you are able to love yourself. Everything has been worth it; the heartaches, the pain, and the happiness it's led me to. My Children mean more to me than anyone could ever imagine. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not a perfect mother; as nobody is perfect except God, but I have to say that I am the best mother I know how to be. I had a great example of what mothers really are while being raised by my mother. I might have a past that can bring shame towards my name; but I am proud to be who I am. I am who I am today because of all that life has given to me; the good and the bad.

My Protector

For God is my protector and my leader,

he provides me with strength to help me not deter.

He will save me for my humanly sins,

all because- I have let him in.

I will do my best to share his word as well as my faith,

I will follow his plan- as I know what lies await.

The stronger I am in following God's path,

the stronger I'll be in forgiving my past.

This knowledge I know,

this love of our God- I will show.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Through much time and prayer I was able to reach that point in my life where I chose to follow God. Life really does get much easier when following the light God shines that leads us in the right direction with the choices and decisions we make in life.

The Storm

It's such a shame that when you go out the sun doesn't hide,

but on the inside; the storm clouds are reigning and it's pouring inside.

You manage to find a place full of peace, calmness, and happiness,

then start to wonder- just how you came to be in this mess?

Why is it that we manage to get ourselves stuck in the ruts of life from time to time?

The rain beats down harshly while thunder and lightning harbor in on your climb.

You know you mustn't slow down- you've gotta go on,

for it's moments like these that help keep us strong.

You are left clinging to the edge as the rain beats down,

pride and stubbornness keeps you smiling when hard times come around.

Everyone has their own problems in this world that they must face,

it's a long continuous battle; but you can't give up on this race.

You search for answers to the question, "why" you want to find the most,

little by little you know you'll be searching as you sail from coast to coast.

Life doesn't stand still long enough for you to find your answers,

you go on living but the question, "why" still manages to lure.

In time you will learn that there's never an answer for the question, "why,"

it's just one of those rules from the big man up above in the Heaven's sky.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem while learning to accept that my question, "why" would not come back with an answer. It has been said that God hears us as we go to him in prayer but he can only answer us with a, "yes," "no," or "maybe." He can't tell us the answer to the question, "why." When I was finally able to accept the abuse of my past as being mistakes of another person that just led to me being hurt then I was able to set my unanswered questions free. In accepting my past for what it was the burden of blame was lifted off of myself. I was then able to love who I am and love each minute I am blessed with enjoying the beauties that life has to offer. Don't let yourself get lost searching for answers to the question, "why." Learn to just accept that for every season we go through...there is a reason.

Seasons

Seasons come and surely they go

through the years- you'll come to know

Recognize the colors around

enjoy the whispers of winds lovely sound

Smile with pride for what daylight brings

enjoy the beauty of every thing...

One day is simple- next one is hard

take your time- with your hand of cards

Make the right- don't choose to quick

take time to think- though the clock ticks

Through the seasons- you'll learn to see

few extra minutes- was worth it to think

Recognize the colors around

enjoy the whispers of winds lovely sound

Smile with pride for what daylight brings

enjoy the beauty of every thing...

Seasons come and surely they go

embrace each day- let your love show

When leaves fall dead from the trees

don't loose your step- always believe

Seasons come- life changes

just the way- this world is

Recognize all the colors around

follow the whispers of the winds sound...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Life is short. Our days may seem long but; the truth is, life is short. Enjoy the beauty of each day. Cherish the memories you make along your way. Don't get stuck staring at the dead leaves. Rather we follow the changing leaves as they fly with the wind.

As Light Makes way for Darkness

Tonight- as I sit here thinking outside,

of all the things the darkness attempts to hide.

The plans for today- well that story's been told,

as we did the things God planned- when our lives he did mold.

The plans for tomorrow- the light shall bring forth,

I begin to wonder what tomorrow shall bring as darkness changes things more.

Today the air shared a slight breeze,

that; now, the darkness, has managed to seize.

It was nice earlier to just sit and let the wind work it's magic to let one know,

what to do with all our worries and fears... Just let them go.

The way the wind caused the trees to beautifully sway,

and to cast out my fears and let the breeze carry them away.

The stars shine tonight- as they peak out of the darkness,

and to think, just where would we be without all of this?

Even when times seem to be troubled- in these lives that we lead,

God knows just what to send one's way- to help them succeed.

It's getting cold out here now- as I sit and I write,

oh, how it was warmer when the day held the light.

I'm going to end this round of my thoughts,

though I seriously doubt one will understand these things that I've caught...

I feel compelled to sit here in the darkness a little longer,

as the night closes in- the darkness grows stronger.

The more time that passes as the light fades away,

makes one know it's time to head to bed- give thanks and pray.

Give praise to our Lord- who created darkness and light,

sleep peacefully now and know- that everything shall be quite alright.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem while taking those two years to myself. I was just sitting outside and enjoying the night air while writing down my thoughts. Writing has always seemed to be my best outlet and form of release.

Letter to God

It takes time to learn how not to runaway,

when life hands you problems- your feelings go astray.

I'm learning to trust; giving you; God, my all,

I'm trusting you to catch me; should I start to fall.

I don't really think one understands just how hard it can be,

to be dependent upon yourself for so long; God, please set my heart free.

I'm trying to become a little more dependant upon you a little more each day,

gets a bit hard at times; I'm afraid to be hurt again, in any way.

I have faith that you shall never hurt me,

just takes a little time to help one believe.

Nobody knows everything about me; only you do,

you've read my feelings and have helped guide me through.

Nobody understands just how hard I used to fight just to live,

because I held no self-confidence of myself to give.

I worked so hard to just let my past go,

you filled me with strength when I was hanging low.

At one point in life nothing was there; just an empty void,

everyone would use me as their own personal toy.

Yet; I'm not like that- I am only me,

a simple country girl- you have the power to see.

You've helped me learn to love and to give,

you have filled me with pride for this life that I live.

You are my love, my life, my everlasting breath,

you helped me stand when I felt there wasn't any strength left.

You are worth more than precious diamonds and the purest gold,

you've filled my life with such love that I never felt I could hold!

Praise You Lord!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I was led to write this selection when I was able to actually see once again. That phrase, "I once was blind, but now I see," does hold truth for me here. At one point in my life, I was blinded by shame and guilt and I wasn't able to see the true love of the beauties of life. In order to release my excitement over the love I was actually able to see with clarity and pureness, I sat down and wrote a letter to the one who blessed me with this beautiful love filled life; God.

Watch over me

I pray to you- down on my knees...

Hold me close- keep me near

stay with me- soothe my fears

When I am weak- please comfort me

light my path so I can see

My Father God- watch over me-

here I pray- upon my knees...

Help me to see the beauties around

if I am lost- help me be found

Let me see- when I am blind

my way home- help me to find

My Father God- watch over me-

I lift your name- while on my knees...

Heal me please- should I grow ill

give me strength- to find your will

Help me be strong- to help the lost

feel your love- despite the cost

My Father God- watch over me-

I feel your love- while on my knees...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

This poem was written while I was starting my trek back towards following God's will. I expressed this new direction of my life path by writing about what I was trusting God to do for me. God doesn't take blame for our hardships we encounter throughout life; but he does allow you to turn around and come back if you have realized you have gotten lost. He will even shine the light in the right direction to help you achieve your dreams while walking that narrow path towards him.

My Sunday Afternoon

It was a beautiful afternoon that I was blessed to wake up to and share,

kids laughing as they run about with no worries nor cares.

The air has a slight breeze that whispers in the sky,

blowing away troubles and questions of why.

A rejuvenating feeling surrounds me from deep within,

I haven't felt this way since I can't recall just when.

I can't seem to stop my thoughts from spilling out,

the light has been shone and ended my drought.

I held the knowledge for quite some time now,

I just didn't seem to be able to figure it all out.

I had a lack of faith in believing in myself,

and now that I have that back- oh the joys of my new found wealth!

I just had to take the time to spend on the thoughts inside of me,

and now feel an unexplainable joy and presence of glee.

I guess all along I just wanted an answer to why,

I was filled with hurt and pain that I had kept inside.

Although some may find my explanation not to be so true,

well; please understand, that I have to believe in me more than I need to believe in you.

How can I expect another to ever believe that I am worth their all,

if I don't believe in myself and not expect everything to always fall.

I am a very important person and love myself and hold pride in my faith,

I will not be knocked down by things some might feel compelled to do or say.

For I have the strength that God has helped me gain by the trials I have been through,

and am proud to believe in myself and just love being me- without worrying about whether or not you do.

I hold my own love that I know I deserve to have,

I don't need to feed off the energy of others love that caused me to feel such wrath.

I am not desperate to have another love me and want me in their life in order to bring me joy,

for in loving myself; I am fully content with life and in just raising my boys.

I have a great family that is rather large but nothing could ever compare,

to the homely feeling that comes and the good times we do share.

I don't have this burning, aching, desire to search for another to make my life worthwhile,

though it is a welcome thought to have someone to love and receive love from- and help keep life from being a lonely mile.

Yet; my life is worthwhile, grand, and just,

I am pleased with my life and a partner isn't a must.

It would be nice to have someone who found joy in life as I do,

and would be wonderful to share vows one day that would forever, faithfully, always remain true.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I used this poem to express my new view on life. Once I was free from the pains of my past, I was able to follow my heart towards the love of myself and God. I didn't depend on a partner to provide my life with love. Rather, I learned to depend on me and receive my love and guidance from God.

Hopes of Love

I am a mother; yet, not a wife,

my four boys are the center of my life.

I embrace the title of 'mom' with extreme pride,

yet; the loneliness is overcrowding me inside.

However; life with my boys is extremely fulfilling,

I still wish to have my precious little fairytale dream.

One day, I shall live in my precious little ranch style house,

my loneliness will fade; like a fire- it shall be doused.

My boys bring me laughter, smiles, and such,

is it such a bad thing to still want a gentle mans touch?

I am raising my boys as both; their mom and their dad,

they don't know the difference- I'm all they have ever really had.

Though times may seem hard and troubled at times,

I make sure they have all they need to grow loving life.

They are happy, healthy, rambunctious, growing boys,

they lift up my spirits; they are my precious bundles of joy!

Is it selfish of me to still want more; as my desires for a partner grows,

I just don't wish to give up my dream of true love; I maintain that hope.

I have a heart that is full of love that I wish to share with the right man,

I know love has brought me a great share of pain; but you've gotta understand...

My hopes of love keep me holding onto my dreams,

helps me push on towards the next day that daylight brings.

My Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

My dreams and hopes of finding forever love while living in my days would keep me going when times got hard and life seemed unbearably lonesome.

The Things that I Write

If you find yourselves reading these things that I have written here in this book,

don't get confused in comprehending just how I got the picture I took.

For as I live my life throughout my days,

I just tend to watch all the things others say,

Some just captivate me with their body language and words they will use,

that leads me to wonder why their selves they abuse.

Things may have happened that cause them to think,

they can just be the image they portray in front of me.

Some may say something or simply catch me with their stare,

that leads me to think, "Oh, how do you dare!"

Others just pass by and the way they walk and the stance of their body,

leads me to wonder if they really think their pain isn't visible for others to see?

For most part I do nothing but just watch and analyze,

the things people do as they pass me by.

Every now and then; I actually attract someone's attention,

we introduce ourselves and begin to talk as if we're old friends.

I will start to notice things about the person that baffles me so,

it's like how you wonder, "just how does the wind blow?"

I start to notice the small things that they are doing wrong,

when they try to change the tune that comes with their song.

So I just listen as a friend and show them that I care,

and let them feel the love of a stranger with the time that I share.

Obviously not everyone can love others such as I,

but you also haven't had my same tears to cry.

I love each person- even those who that don't seem to deserve it,

because I know love holds the capacity to help others get through shit.

The ability to care for ones we don't know by sharing a little bit of love,

can make a world of difference to another when push comes to shove.

It's risky to keep your heart open always to others like that,

I've learned the hard way with experiences that I have had.

It can draw you in and cause you not to see things as clearly as you should,

it can pull you down and lead you to do things; that before, you never would.

There's a fine line you should draw when helping out others,

it's possible to share your love without having more pain to endure.

I don't let that fear stop me from helping others along the way,

the love and belief in myself keeps me strong in my faith.

I know God has my plan laid out for me already,

and I know he's there to protect me should I feel unsteady.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

This was another one of my poems that I wrote while on the trek of learning from my mistakes I had made in my life. I tried to get a picture out of just what type of person I am that led me to go down the road of life I was on. By writing down my thoughts and reading them later; I was able to see where I would go wrong. I still love others with a vulnerable heart; but my past mistakes have caused me to be a bit more cautious about who I keep present in my every day life.

Your Hourglass

A Great description I have heard that I can find a way to describe the

way the world is,

makes a grand revelation and in the right way; it really makes sense.

"Life's like an hourglass glued to the table,

we all think we can change things which we aren't able."

Our life starts out with a small grain of sand,

the sands at the top; they already hold our life's plans.

The only minute that is ours to do with as we please,

is the minute we enter the world- isn't that a big tease?

The people we meet and encounter day to day,

help shape our lives as the sand slips away.

Once a minute is shared it can never be given back,

so keep a positive outlook; even if your grains of sand seem to run slack.

For every so often the grains of sand clump together and; in life, we

find we are stuck in a rut,

yet; someone comes along and helps the grains pass through- some think of it as luck.

I believe that God knows just what he has planned for each of us in

this life,

from every cherished memory to every minute that seems burdened with strife.

We are all; in a way, little pawns inside of God's game,

at times we try to fight it...and loose all the same.

For the way we handle ourselves as we experience life's pleasures

and pains,

others who are around us will watch in eagerness and knowledge they gain.

Some may realize the mistakes in the way they watch another deal with life's problems and pleasures,

in turn; they use that insight to help their selves make it through their own stormy weather.

If someone treats you wrong,

you may feel as if they have ended your song.

That is a choice of attitude and optimism that is yours; alone, that you have to make,

all a matter of which attitude in life; you choose to take.

When the sand from your hourglass does stand still,

it's the others who loved you who will then begin to feel.

For how you live your life is watched by many,

and the chance is always there to help others plenty.

Life is a gift of an hourglass filled with tiny grains of sand,

glued to the table- it holds your life plans.

Will you take for granted your hourglass that is made especially for you,

by making reckless choices and hurting others as you do?

Or will you treasure your hourglass and cherish every morsel of sand,

will you give of yourself to help others in need rise back up and stand?

No matter which aspect of attitude in life you choose to take,

you will always affect another with the choices that you make.

It's as simple as that; so do as you wish with your attitude and energy that others take from you as you live your life,

will you give off that positive aura that can help others succeed or be the one that causes others demise?

Once your sand runs out there is no refilling our glass with more grains of sand,

so keep that in mind as you go through your life that God already has planned.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem when thinking about how the abuse of another had affected my life. It's hard sometimes for one to think that somebody actually looks up to them. But when you least expect it someone is watching you. It could be the little girl you pass each day on your way to school or the neighbor across the street. Younger ones watch the older ones around them in their lives. It's human nature to observe and learn. Though, sometimes we don't manage to learn what we observe and end up making our own wrong choices based off of what we see from others. Live your life with love and find the positive and beauty from each day. You never know who you may pass along your day who is able to keep on going because they saw a smile flash a hint of hope their way.

Please Remember

Everybody has their own quirks and ways,

in how we live our life from past to present days.

It takes just one person who chooses to make the wrong decision,

that can lead another to become overburdened with the other man's sin.

Can cause one to think less of their own self,

which can become extremely detrimental to one's health.

For it's so easy to become our own worst enemy,

and to love your own self is the most essential lesson one must believe.

Without love for yourself how can you truly fully love another,

it's just not possible when your own self-worth hovers.

Please take my words in silent stride,

but no matter what; don't allow the love for yourself to hide.

Remember that if another persons actions has caused you harsh pain,

be strong enough to see the mistakes- don't become crushed by the strong rains.

Life is all about choices laid out for us to make,

please remember to help one another and give more than you take.

Life Inspiration that led to my Observation

Because of one man's mistakes I was put through pain that nobody deserves to be put through. The abuse I endured as a child helped shape my opinion of others. I made mistakes in my life choices that led towards more abuse because of my misconception of what love is. Please take time to think before you act. There is nothing wrong with pleasing yourself; as long as you don't hurt others along your way. Others you meet can easily play off of low self-esteem and self-worth that could lead towards more abuse. Stand strong and stand firm. You deserve love, happiness, and all of the blessings in life that God offers us. Have faith and believe in love and yourself. Once you believe in yourself, the faith that moves you will lead you towards a life filled with love.

Hungry for Heaven

Spent days- years of my life

searchin' for answers- wonderin' why

Pain from my days- had me hurt and confused

Life knocked me down...I'd pray unto you...

I'm Hungry for Heaven

wonderin' what it will be like

I'm Hungry for Heaven

let me feel your love inside

Filled with your strength- I'd see a new day

Searchin' for why- oh, still runnin' the wrong way

Led by my questions- instead of your light

The harder I ran- the harder I'd fight

Over and over- I'd stubbornly still try

Each and every time- get knocked down and cry...

I'm Hungry for Heaven

wonderin' what it will be like

I'm Hungry for Heaven

let me feel your love inside

So tired of fallin'- down in my days

Eager for love- I knew I contained

Knew that I'd looked- everywhere that I could

Except for inside- of your Holy Book

At night I'd pick up- my Bible and read

Hopin' for answers- Prayin' for dreams

Through time I learned- how to answer why

Oh, the love that I felt- brought tears to my eyes...

I'm Hungry for Heaven- so this is what it's like

I'm Hungry for Heaven- let me keep this love alive

What happened to me- helped give me the strength

Here I stand strong and proud- Your love amazes me...

I was Hungry for Heaven

now I'm full of love inside

I was Hungry for Heaven

now I'm full with love in my life!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

While spending time out of a relationship I was hoping to be able to find my answer to my unanswered questions. As time went on and days flew by, I learned there wasn't an answer to my questions of, "why." When I was able to accept the truth and just let my questions go I was able to free myself from blame and open myself for the feeling of love.

Fragile Heart

You can't say another has broke what was already broken,

has a broken heart been a claim you have often spoken?

In order to have true love you must first love who you are,

has another persons mistakes left you with a shattered heart?

If you let one play with pieces that are jagged and sharp as glass,

they may cut their self and leave you- knock you on your ass.

If your past has left you with a broken heart,

you must piece it together again on your own before making a fresh start.

A heart full of love is fragile as fragile can be,

so you must trust yourself with love to piece it back together; carefully.

Once you have mended your love inside,

who you are is the one true beauty that doesn't hide.

There's another out there who will see your love displayed in

who you are,

and you will be able to love one fully with your fragile heart.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem after the man I had been dating and living with for the past two years had left me. This time; different from the other two times, I took the time to cry and feel the hurt that I felt, and then I moved on. However; rather than have one relationship fail and directly enter another I chose to spend some time on my own. I would spend my days with my children. My evenings would be spent reflecting on myself and the decisions I had made that had brought me to where I was at in life. I was able to see my mistakes and know why the relationship failed. In the past; after a relationship failed I would find a way to somehow blame myself for the hurt I would feel- which; in turn, would lower my self-esteem and self-worth a bit more each time. This is when I learned how it can be so easy to become our own worst enemy. I had to find a way to correct this mistake in my life. Through time, believing in myself, my hope for tomorrow, and my faith in my today, I was able to bring myself back to step one of love...and love myself. I am proud to be me and I am proud to be where I am at in my life today. I am truly blessed.

I Wonder

Sometimes I sit and many thoughts I sure do ponder,

what my life would be like today- makes me wonder.

What path would I have taken and who would I be today,

were it not for some man who abruptly stole my dignity away?

Would I have been so vain in my decisions I made way back when,

would I have chosen a different path- than I did back then?

The things that he did made me loose my self-respect,

would I have allowed myself to be with the men that I have met?

Would I have had the courage and strength to head towards college,

would I have had to climb that mountain- clinging onto the ledge?

He made me feel as if I did not deserve anything much,

that I let myself fall for the first gentle mans touch.

Turned out to be a mistake- for he only brought me more pain,

self-respect and dignity are things I have fought hard to have again.

I can't help but wonder- would I have been loved by a kind and gentle real man,

were it not for the nightmares that flashed back every chance; hard for another to understand.

Would I be a psychologist and hold a college degree behind my name,

were it not for the abuse that caused me to feel such horrible shame?

I know that I can sit and wonder all day long,

and it will never change the tune of my own life song.

I am by far not proud of the things that I have went through in my past days,

but; I am proud that I have managed to overcome the pain and love living my life the good Lords way.

I know that I am who I am because of the things that were done that led towards my drive to succeed,

but I still can't help but wonder where in life I'd be at- were it not for one mans shameful deeds?

I am proud of everything in my life that I have managed to overcome,

Though; I do wish the weight of my cross to bear would lighten up on me some.

The nightmares that would come to me at night,

would keep me awake and give me such a fright.

I used to drink my friend; Jack, to help me get to sleep,

but that was a habit I knew I just couldn't keep.

Little things that get said and done will still remind me in some ways,

but I don't let it bring me down anymore- I shake it off and carry on with my day.

The emotion of love for myself that I feel is strong; more so than any other,

I love my life and raising my boys; I am proud to embrace the title of, "Mother."

My boys are my life- my little pride and precious joys,

I wonder; if it weren't for my past would I still have my baby boys?

I look at their smiles and listen for their laughter each day,

then bow to my knees and; to God, I give thanks and pray.

If going through all I've went through is what had to be done,

in order to be blessed with my boys- then it's a race that has been won.

Their radiant laughter and smiles are worth any battle I have to fight,

I'd gladly stand strong and resist against the wind with all of my might.

Times may be stressful at times in my years,

but, I am so grateful for my life and this chance to be here.

I know that I am truly blessed by the saving grace of God up above,

and shall continue to follow him while offering him my true love.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I believe that I am who I am today because of all that I have been through. Sure; my life may have been different had I not endured the abuse that brought me down so long ago. But, look at what I would be missing out on had I not been through all that I have. My boys are so precious and dear to me. By watching their faith they have wholeheartedly I have also been able to learn quite a few valuable lessons from them. If given my life to do all over again; I would have to admit that I wouldn't change a thing. In the end, I am a proud mother of four precious boys who is blessed even more with meeting my dream come true; Brendan L. Wilken.

Dreams

Life is a long path; hard and treacherous,

I still have hopes and dreams of my perfect fairytale myth.

My precious knight showing up on his white stallion,

going to share our love together with no defining end.

Dreams keep one going; when all else fails,

pull out the boat, and just set sail.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I have learned; while walking my road of life, the importance of dreams. It is necessary to hold onto your dreams and set attainable goals to reach your dreams. Have hope in yourself and believe in your dreams. I am sure; in time, you will find that dreams can come true. I wrote this poem while reflecting on my inner dreams and hopes that I clung to.

What is Love...

Have you ever thought of the word "love" and the feelings that it brings?

Have you spent your life dancing to your life song; while holding onto your dreams?

Tell me...just what is love?

It's a blessing that sent to us from God up above...

Loving someone isn't about just missing someone when they are gone,

it's about them fitting into the beat of your personal life song.

With love and trust and hope for each other,

more than a friend and more than just a lover.

A best friend to wake with as you start a new day,

one who turns you on in more than just one way.

One that you can't manage to get out of your mind,

one who fits the beat of the rhythm of your rhyme.

Doesn't mean you change the tune of your life song,

if you do then it's not true love, it just may go wrong...

True love is enjoying a partner who dances to the same beat as you,

without either one of you having to change the beat of your life songs tune.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I thought I had been strong in my determination to not allow love back into my life after another one of my life mistakes. Then; after being on my own, God introduced me to this man who dances to a tune that's similar to my life song. We are able to both enjoy being who we are while loving each other for all that we see. He is my partner who stands beside me, my best friend who walks with me, and my man who loves me for me. God blessed me the day that he introduced Brendan into my life. He has been my first dream that's come true; as he has all of the qualities of my prince charming that lived in my dreams.

My Boots

If the shoe really does truly fit,

how come you take it off; just to walk through more shit?

Perhaps it's human nature to put ourselves through hell,

Oh, won't you please help me, 'cause right now I sure can't tell...

Not sure if my boots are on, or if I've taken them off for good.

Could 'ya feel my foot, tell me- if you would?

How does the sole feel, hard to the touch?

Or like shit; has it turned to mush?

If it's hard; like my boots are really on, then do a favor for me please.

Take it off; so I can feel the softness, I just wanna believe...

Ugh! It may not be shit that I stepped in.

Oh, won't you please help me, it feels like quicksand!

Hold out your hand, and let me cling tight.

Thank you; dear stranger, for sharing that glimpse of light.

I think I shall put my boots, back on for good.

Could 'ya tell me, please; if I should?

Ha! Never mind; I know what to do,

I shall; indeed, put back on my boots.

I will just not wear my laces so tight,

it keeps me open to love but not the fight.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

When trying to guard my heart from the pains I had associated with love- I managed to use my faithful boots in a symbolism for love. Amazingly enough, once I met Brendan I also changed and rid myself of my boots I had worn faithfully since my high school years. Anybody who knows me knew of how I wore the same Timberland brand boots; day in and day out- despite the weather of the seasons. Though when I wrote this poem I was just looking for a faithful symbolism that was as faithful as I felt love should be. Yes; the one faithful thing that I could think of at the time this poem was written was my faithful boots.

Just Me

Just one moment within my time,

let understanding not be so difficult for one to find.

I am just me; definitely one of a kind,

I dance to the beat of my own rhythmical rhyme.

A lot of love, compassion, and laughter yearning to be shared,

a heart full of sweet, tender, loving thoughts filled with care.

I am just a simple girl and that is all I can possibly be,

and regardless of anything else; I am proud to be me!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

It can be difficult to overcome years of pain that was brought on by abuse. But you can rise above the hurt and pain from your past. By holding onto that glimpse of hope that had kept me hanging on it led me towards the love that life contains. I wrote this poem as a way to express my pride for who I am.

Slide Baby Slide

You feel anxiety as you see how high you are; up off the ground,

then the wind sings it's song that calms you with a soothing sound.

You've always wanted to climb this ladder that leads to the slide,

but your fear of heights had sent your desires away to hide.

You walked by the slide every day with desire; that slowly grew,

then the day came when you knew just what you had to do.

You just had to attempt the climb up that ladder for that ride,

and the feeling of the wind dance around you; as you go down the slide.

Now that you've managed to make it to the top,

something inside you; causes you to stop.

You're on the top rung- yearning to sit down,

can't help but stare at the beauties you can see all around.

Life looks different when you're up this high in the air,

the beauties that surround you; can't help but stare.

Next thing you know you feel a push from behind,

that sends you flying down the slide in record time.

Just as you were feeling anger rise,

for the person who rushed you down the slide...

The wind song danced about you as you were going down,

and filled you with love as your feet met the ground.

No longer fear that walk up those steep steps that brought such a rush,

and you head back towards the slide that filled you with the wind songs love.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Life is full of love. Yet; to love is to risk hurt and pain. In time; we are able to see how we must take those risks in order to welcome love into our life. After all; what is a life without Love?

See-Saw

We have times in life when we're up and times when we get hurt and feel let down,

it can make one feel as if they're on a see-saw; going up and then abruptly hitting the ground.

Think back to when you would be on one end of a see-saw with a friend on the other,

when your side was up in the air were you left there to hover?

Or did your friend plant their feet firmly on the ground,

and go up on their own just to help you down?

Now, with your friend suspended up high in the air,

did you jump off and let them hit the ground with no worries or cares?

Or did you plant your feet firmly and bounce yourself back up towards the sky,

the repetitiveness of this playground toy- did you ever wonder exactly why?

Perhaps it was invented as a fun way to be taught an important lesson that's good to know,

that there's joy and happiness in ourselves when we help others and let our love and care show.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

God intends for us to help one another in our times of need. Much like if you were to be stuck on the high end of a see-saw and needed someone else to come along and help you down. We can get stuck in life just as its possible to get stuck on the up or downs of playing on a see-saw. Either suspended up high in the air or sitting on the bottom needing someone to come along and help get you up. When one comes along and helps you with the predicament you had been faced with; it can fill you with hopes of love remaining alive in this world.

My Ideal Man's Qualities before Wasting Each Others Time

In this world it seems that everybody is out for something to gain,

as long as they get a good try at what they want; to ease their own pain.

Why can't everyone just wish for a little love,

for no other reason; just because?

If my skittles and mountain dew bother you,

then here's your sign buddy; you know what to do.

If my ass looks cute when wearing jeans,

then walk away now; your type I've already seen.

If my cute face seems to draw you in,

then run, buddy, run; I'm covered in sin.

If you think I'm easy because I've got four boys,

then better run fast because my heart is not one of their toys.

If you have mental issues and wish to read my mind,

go ahead and try; but I assure you, it's a waste of your time.

If you bring flowers on a first date,

I can go ahead and tell you; I'm not your fate.

If you still have your heart so guarded that you can't even see,

then; babe, don't even bother messaging me.

If you just wish to meet because you have nothing better to do with your day,

then please don't waste mine; as I have plenty of kids who'd rather me go out and play.

If you have a great body; but don't know how to smile,

I may message you back- just may take a while.

If you think big tits are sexy and just wish to cop a feel,

then to me you won't be attracted; but at least mine are real.

If you have no job and no license at all,

then dang babe, I'm not going to brace you as you fall!

If you can't find joy in hanging out by the lake,

then let's end this now; as that's a trip I'd like to take.

If you aren't willing to put a worm on my hook and go fishing with me and my boys,

then; please, straighten up your tie; I'm not your joy.

If you wouldn't be willing to help me pitch a tent,

then darling go find another who is more heaven sent.

If you like to use drugs to relax with at the end of the day,

then hit the next button now- nothing more I have to say.

If you can't sit and laugh in the comfort of your own house,

then my fire shall remain burning; go on to someone else.

If you won't sit and hold me and are afraid to even touch,

come on; do I really need to repeat myself this much?

If you think the government is after you due to your own paranoia,

then know my big brother is part of the MI so I'm sorry for ya!

If you are ready to jump off the balcony while holding hands,

then I guarantee you; fresh, pure water is where we would land.

But since that may not happen due t chaotic reasons,

please just know that sandstorms just aren't my season.

If you wish for me to go out and leave my boys all of the time,

I can assure you that just doesn't match the rhythm of my rhyme.

If you take everything I say and twist it around in your head,

you're going to miss that what I say is real; not fake nor dead.

If you wish to win me over the first time we meet,

then sorry to say; but that's going to be a hard battle to defeat.

If you see ghosts and still can't figure out why they last,

let me ruin it for you; they are merely conscience thoughts; ghosts from your past!

If you enjoy going to the park in the evenings just to sway on the swings,

then message me darling; I enjoy the same thing.

If you believe that kids are these perfect little angels,

I should tell you now; mine have raising and momma's far from a fool.

If you enjoy sitting back and relaxing with a cold one,

then come sit beside me babe; your war has been won.

If you have the urge to keep drinking to make yourself numb,

go right on ahead; but know I am not so dumb.

I don't have time in my life for drama or bullshit,

so be prepared to be yourself...and you won't hear me pitch a fit.

If you think you could hold me at nights in the future,

please hit the message button now; don't let your conscience lure.

If you think you are God's gift to all of mankind,

please turn around now; don't waste my precious time.

Rather than ever using money to atone for your sins,

get off it and realize that you can't always win.

Sure money can buy nice cars, houses, and such,

but true love from the heart; is not meant to sit and gather dust.

We all have stepping stones in life to cross over,

we all keep searching for a needle in a haystack- our four leaf clover.

Stepping stones aren't meant to be paced on all of the time,

stay away from me please if that is the rhythm of your rhyme.

I'm far from an angel; been shattered and torn,

yet; I took the time to get over my pain, rather than constantly mourn.

I stood back up with the help of God and good friends,

now here I am; alone with my boys- trying this mess once again.

I am far from perfect but believe in helping others out every chance that I can,

perhaps, I could, just for once- meet more than half a man?!

I might have a lot of criteria written above,

know that I am real and yearn for a man to share my love.

I will be faithful, pure, strong, and true,

everything else is up to you.

I'm just a lonely mother who is tired of being alone,

walking this road of life; dancing to the melody of the rhythm of my tone.

I am happy by nature and a vibrant chick who enjoys being by myself,

my boys help add laughter to my days; and that is great wealth!

Don't message me if there's anything about me you might have to change,

don't waste your time with insults if you find me a bit strange.

As time is something we never have enough of,

let's just take it day by day...and just share each others love.

Through the good and the bad times; there I will be,

as long as you don't lie to yourself and surely don't think you can lie to me!

See the truth in the beauty of the world that surrounds us,

and know that every being is worthy of feeling pure and true love.

Probably won't get a lot of responses to my ad; which is fine with me,

just take a few minutes to reflect and let yourself see.

Understand the problems listed above,

are what some men offer when they try to steal your love.

So if you have to be fake or hide behind a disguise,

then try not to; cause the heart may be numb but the eyes don't lie.

Take care and please have a wonderful day,

sorry if you were offended by anything I had to say.

I will be living alone raising my boys full of love,

until the good Lord sends me someone from above.

Don't play games with others on this site,

it does you no good and it just isn't right.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

The lessons of love I had learned while looking back on my life during those two years I spent staying out of a relationship and learning to be happy on my own provided me with strength in my self-esteem. I knew just what I desired and deserved from love that comes with loving a lifetime partner. I felt strong enough in my self esteem and self worth to join an online dating site and not get involved with someone who would cause me more pain. On my profile page I posted the above poem, "My Ideal Mans Qualities before Wasting Each Others Time." I did get quite a number of responses to my ad I had posted. However; out of all of the responses there was only one man who actually fit all of the prerequisites I had posted in my poem. Did I ever really think there was such a man out there? I must admit, I did not. However; I still held hope in my dreams of feeling the love of my dream partner. The faith in myself and the hope that I held led me towards the true love of my dream come true; Brendan L. Wilken.

My Perfect First Date

The perfect first date that I would love to see,

something way out of this world; an idea one can hardly conceive!

Would come over and hang out with me and my crew,

be able to sit and laugh at all the things they do.

My dream man will definitely be one of a kind,

obviously I should know; this is the rhythm of my own rhyme.

He won't try to change the tune of my song,

and won't have to bother trying to change his own.

He will love himself and feel true pain that we all go through,

he won't think that crying is only a thing that just girls do.

He wouldn't be all nervous when we first meet,

just walk up and fit in...let's skip the anxiety.

Won't be scared to hug me or afraid to touch,

will enjoy the small things that I love so very much.

Just hanging out and relaxing until the kids go to bed,

just living our same lives; not trying to be someone else instead.

He would laugh when he finds out that I'm insecure about my feet,

dang; just one sane guy, I'd surely love to meet!

He won't get his feelings hurt if I tell him his breath stinks,

he wouldn't be afraid to tell me the same thing.

We could lay back and just talk about who we are,

and bask in the moonlight- under the millions of stars.

He sure as heck won't analyze every word that I say,

he would know that I'm just a proud, southern bitch; stubborn and set in my ways.

Perhaps we could sit down with some chips and a few drinks,

just something simple; no struggle with having to worry or think.

Touch my hand; send me a smile,

at least every once in a while.

I'm a long shot away from being your typical girl,

I don't hide behind makeup and my hair is rarely curled.

I'm just another girl who desires true love to become a part of my world.

though I can assure you I'm by far not the bashful type of girl.

I am what you see- I have nothing to hide,

please do the same and just ask rather than try to read my mind.

Don't get the wrong idea and think I'm desperate for a man,

as I'm not settling for less than I deserve; ever again!

Been through quite a lot to get to where I am now,

I enjoy baseball and ready to hit a home run- tired of all these fouls.

Not the type to blame you for what another has put me through,

so just be yourself- at the very least; new friends we could always do.

To much pressure is put into a date these days,

I'm just a small town girl living life; what comes, what may.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Once I felt strong enough in the love I held for myself, God, and my life; I joined an online dating site. The above poem is the description that I posted as what my ideal first date would be like. In describing my ideal first date I also was able to portray the type of person I am; one who knows of love and one who refused to settle for less ever again. Did I ever imagine I would meet a man who made the dreams I held come true? No; but I am so blessed that I did. I held hope in such a man and clung to the visions of my dreams until God answered my prayers and turned my dreams into my reality when he introduced the love of Brendans into my life.

Merry Go Round Lullaby

All alone- just a simple country girl,

everything around me starts to spin and whirl.

I feel like I'm on a merry go round,

everybody talking; yet, I don't hear a sound.

Tune everyone around me to the lowest volume,

smiles grace the air; yet, with a lonely tune.

I sing my song and hum out my thoughts with my pen,

for every rainbow has a pot of gold- somewhere at the end.

I stop singing my song long enough to see,

the volume button lies; right in front of me.

When I get off the merry go round long enough to stand still,

I notice all these people in front of me are just so; Real!

My eyes catch sight upon a pure stranger,

I can feel inside that he shall bring me no danger.

He comes up to me and then tells me hello,

my breath gets stuck; loose my wind, as suddenly; I know...

I can control the volume of my song,

this is so simple; it doesn't feel so wrong.

I turn it up just enough; not to quiet- not to loud,

begin to realize it's true love I have surely found!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Life is short and can seem to go by fast; a bit like riding on a merry-go-round. In our daily tasks it's easy to loose sight of the gift of free will that we have been blessed with from God. We can control whether we stay in an abusive relationship or if we break away. We have the free will of never even entering into a relationship again. We have the free will to make our own choices in life and when we learn how to exert that free will positively it can lead us to that pot of gold that awaits for us at the end of the rainbow and at the beginning of a healthy relationship filled with true love.

My Prince...No Toad?

Have you ever had something trampled on so much,

picked up and torn; shattered glass pricks one when touched?

Rather than hurting more by taking time to clean up the mess,

sweep it under a rug; lock the door- don't lie...confess.

Well; a few years later on down the road,

you meet a handsome prince and feel he's not just a toad.

You stop yourself when you begin to worry over unlocking that door,

but you never wish to be used and trampled on- as you were before.

Take a bit of time to sit and think to yourself,

really feel this toad is truly a prince who can bring you great wealth...

For love is the most expensive thing money can not buy,

a terribly difficult thing in this day and age to really find.

It's not for sale in stores or something one can ask for and just hope to get,

just have to live your life with trust that God will ensure all of your needs are met.

Faith, Hope, and Love surpass all of the lessons in life one must learn to trust,

will help give you strength that helps you not give in for settling for lust.

Have faith in yourself and faith in God to take care of you as he provides grass to beautify the dirt,

maintain your hope in God to protect you from having to go through more pain and hurt.

Love yourself so you can fully love another,

walk strong with love for you and God before any other!

In the end you shall fully love yourself and God as well as his miraculous ways,

and may be rewarded with the gift of a partner who offers true love into your days.

You feel him working his wonders and trust him as you attempt to unlock that door with the latches securely entwined,

as you get closer and reach for the handle you are shocked and excited by the miracle you manage to find.

As the door to your heart is standing wide open already with no fragile pieces left lying on the ground,

tears well up inside you; as you praise God for this pure, true love you know has finally been found.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem shortly after meeting Brendan; my personal prince charming and my first dream come true. Don't give up or loose faith in love just because of past mistakes. In time; when it's right, God will bring you and your life partner together in love.

My Dreams

My darlin' dear- so glad you're here

I've dreamt of you- for many years

Sure took some time- for you to find

this aching, lonesome- heart of mine...

Give praise to God- every day

for hearing me- as I prayed

Held hope inside- he'd fill my dreams

he brought me you- and the joy you bring...

I'm in love with you- gonna treat you well

I wanna forever lie- and in the morning wake

in bed with you and your smiling face

Your sparkling eyes- gleam; oh, so bright

like the stars that shine at night...

Give praise to God- every day

for hearing me- as I prayed

Held hope inside- this heart of mine

a dream like you- I'd one day find

I'm filled with dreams- of growing old

by your side- as life unfolds...

I pray to find- forever with you

and feel this love- in all we do

Give praise to God- every day

for sending you- when I prayed

He took my dream- away from me

and gave it life- for me to see

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I was inspired to write this poem; that was actually written as song lyrics without the music, when I fell in love with my dream come true; Brendan L. Wilken.

My Dream Come True

He brings me sunshine- and fills me with smiles,

I haven't felt this wonderful in a long while.

A slight bit of tooth sparkles when he grins,

his tender touch leaves no trace of the others sins.

Makes me flutter inside and feel amazingly great,

when he walks in the door; oh, the happiness he does create!

A wonderful person- a tender hearted man,

if only I could find the words to help you understand.

It's hard to describe quite what I feel inside,

when I feel the love of Brendan in my life.

I just know that dreams really can come true,

when we believe in ourselves and all we do.

I see the prince charming of my dreams,

alive in my life that I'm blessed to lead.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

You may often wonder how you will know when you have found your true love. I can't answer that question directly. I can say that I have had my share of failed relationships brought on by the illusion of love; and, what I feel while sharing my days with Brendan could never compare to what I felt in the past.

The Waterfall

Find yourself going for a hike,

walking for miles just to see a beautiful sight.

The miles seem long; as it begins to get hot,

but this is a once in a lifetime thing- so why stop?

After quite a few hours you begin to feel the waters breeze,

helps soothe your worries and brings your mind at ease.

You feel yourself get closer as your legs weary on,

you had never realized this walk would take this long!

As the water comes to view in plain sight,

you begin to push on with all of your might.

Finally make it and oh, how it's filled with such beauty,

it was well worth the hike- for what you now are able to see!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Sometimes we begin to walk down a path that doesn't seem right. It can seem treacherously long and make you feel a bit weary. But; if you believe in yourself then you will have that will to carry on and continue walking. In the end the beautiful sight that awaits you can leave you breathless!

What Comes, What May

Racing around like crazy; trying to get everything done,

finished and completed today- is not a race that's easily won.

Take time to remember to slow down and just enjoy the day,

at times that doesn't seem to be as easy to do- as it is to say.

Yet; if we get so caught up in our work and our chores,

life can be stressful and become quite a bore.

So, take time to relax a bit and just enjoy your day,

just live the beauties of your life; what comes, what may.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

It can be easy to get caught up in our work and chores we have in our life. If all you ever do is wake-up and take care of your responsibilities then head to bed so you can get up and do it all over again the next day- then where is the beauty of life? Take time to relax and absorb the beauties and miracles that life has to offer. Work and chores will; of course, wait for you.

The Climb

Standing at the top of the mountain,

fear begins to well up from within.

Stand there staring at the drop down below,

take time to figure out the best way for you to go.

Before you know it you are at the bottom looking up,

the pride for making it down safely; feels you with love.

Now at the bottom; looking up at the next mountain that awaits,

long to stay where you're at...but then you hesitate.

Rather than sit here in the rut of the two climbs;

you decide to ask God to help you up this time.

Not sure if he's listening as you ask him to help you up,

next thing you know; you're at the top, carried by God's love.

Amazed at the wondrous strength that lifted you-

of God's hands helping hands making prayers turn true.

No time for more anxiety or worries to burden you any longer,

for the love God has brought you; helped make you stronger.

You take time to listen to the beauty of this new love filled song,

realize you're already down the next mountain; didn't take long!

Not sure if you should be safe and find happiness in where you are,

then look back to see you haven't really made it that far.

Faith rages in to save you from condemning your success,

fills you full of hope; for the remainder of your steps.

Time passes as you're glaring up at the new climb ahead,

no longer filled with anxiety, fear, worries, or a hint of dread.

For you are filled with faith; thanks to God sharing his abundant love,

and walk with hope towards the next mountain...and you begin to climb up.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

In life; we have mountains we must climb up. Once we make it to the top it seems we only have a short time where everything is alright. Then; a short time later, we find we are back at the bottom; staring up at the next mountain we must climb. We must not give up. When times get hard and we begin to get weary; ask God for help. He's willing to come to us when we call out for him and invite him in. The blessings of having God in your life can swell and cause faith, hope, and love to fill your life with more beauties than you could have ever imagined.

The Three L's

Life, Learning, and Love...

Some say that love is pointless,

look at the things it's done to me- Oh; what a mess!

Some say that love never dies,

look at the things it's done to me- Oh; why do I even try?!

Some say that love causes to much pain,

look at the things it's done to me- Oh; the never ending rain!

Some say that love is unconditional,

look at the things it's done to me- damn; am I a fool?!

However...

Love is an essential part of life,

we all yearn to have a family- kids, husband, and loving wife.

Love is opening our heart unconditionally,

we don't lie stipulations on the joy of love- at least, not me.

Love is beautiful, pure, and true,

I love with all of my heart- do you?

Yes; Love has caused me a lot of pain,

darkness, harsh feelings, and brought down never ending rain,

Yet; it's caused me to be who I am today,

a loving mother, a dear friend, and a woman who knows how to give thanks and pray.

If I were to close my heart to love because of the hurt it has helped cause me throughout my days,

I am afraid of who I'd be and the harsh things I might feel led to say.

I choose instead; to learn from the lessons in love that I have experienced in the years I have lived,

and when it comes to the pain I have received from another- I choose to forget and forgive.

I have learned many lessons in all of my days,

and those lessons are what has made me-

who I am today!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

In order to flourish and enjoy all of the beauties that life has to offer, we must not blame our problems on love. Don't close yourself off from giving others your love nor receiving love from others. Do take time for yourself and love who you are and the life that you lead before becoming involved with another. But don't close yourself off. If you realize the mistakes you have made then admit that you made a mistake and be strong enough to try again. After all; what is a life without love?

The Garden

Lone tree stands out in the meadow,

fields are plowed seeds have been sowed.

With care and love the flowers shall bloom,

weeds come along and fills the garden with gloom.

With Strength and good will,

the garden can thrive further still.

Work and effort to weed through the bad,

garden shall bloom bright and make the heart glad.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Like a garden; love requires care, love, time, and attention in order to thrive beautifully. Live each day like it's your last, but take time to love all of the beauties that surround you.

Your Thorns

Every rose has it's thorns,

just where are yours worn?

An attitude full of scorn?

A bitter heart; weathered and torn?

Broken hearts become sharp as glass,

do you cover up your pain by wearing a mask?

Another persons mistakes,

have they become your own disgrace?

Everyone makes mistakes in life,

toss them away- make that sacrifice.

Live for the true beauty that surrounds you,

show your peace, love, and happiness, in all that you do!

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

As we go through life it seems to be easy to wear the attitude of our harsh mile; your thorns. Nobody's life is perfect. Everybody has a trial or tribulation they go through from time to time. You must remember not to wear the unhappiness you have felt during your harsh climb up the mountain. Everybody has their own mountains they must climb in life. Find the positive in the beauty you find once you reach the top of your mountain. Hold hope in the beauty never leaving, have faith that if another storm comes along you can stand tall and sway with the wind, and love your life for all of the miracles and blessings you shall encounter along your days. Toss away the bad experiences and negativity you have been through and seen throughout your life. Then rise and walk up your mountain with pride. Who knows who may be watching you and learning to do as they see you do? You have the power to influence the people you encounter day to day. The question remains will they take negative from your harsh years; as they pass you by, or will your smile be the sun that scares away their storm?

Six Days, Eleven Hours, and Fifty-Nine Minutes

If you only had six days, eleven hours, and fifty-nine minutes

of your life left; oh, how would you spend it?

Would you spend your last days- playin' with your kids,

do all the things you said you would- but never did?

Would you lay with your heart, soul, and lover,

in bed all day long- just holdin' onto each other?

Or, would you load up your car and head for the lake,

let your fishing gear be all that you take?

Oh, how would you spend your last few days

if you knew the end was headin' your way?

Would you call on your brother and your sister too,

spend time with the family- that you hardly ever do?

Would you sit down with paper and finally write

that book that tells others- of your lessons in life?

Or, would you take one minute to kiss your family good-bye,

and head for that plane and finally sky dive?

Oh, how would you spend your last few days,

if you knew the end was headin' your way?

Would you make like ET- phone home to mom and dad,

and tell'em you love them with the last minutes you had?

No more work; finally go watch your kids baseball game,

with you in the stands it fills them with fame.

Or, would you head towards the beach- go lay in the sand,

feel the water on your toes with a drink in your hand?

Oh, just how would you spend your last few days,

if you knew the end was headin' your way?

Clocks tickin' on- it's moving fast,

live each day- like it is your last.

Spend time with your family that you just don't,

if it was the end; you know more time is what you'd want.

And...

Load up your car- head to the lake,

a weeks vacation you deserve to take.

Head towards the beach- go lay in the sand,

enjoy each and everyday while you can.

Head off work early- go watch your kids baseball game,

tomorrow your work will still be just the same.

Hop on that plane- jump into the sky,

feel the wind blow as the minutes tick by.

Find time in your busy life,

that book in your dreams- finally write...

Oh, Just how would you spend your last few days,

if you knew the end was headin' your way?

There's always a chance,

it's your last few days...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

One thing I've noticed is that people seem to take life for granted quite often. I suppose they think they can always do what they don't finish today...tomorrow. But, if tomorrow never comes are you satisfied with who you are and what you have become? Would your loved ones know how much you loved them if you were no longer around? Take time for yourself each day and cherish the precious minutes you are able to spare. Have hope for your tomorrow, Faith for your today, and Love in your footprints that you leave today.

Walk or Fall

It has been hard to grow up in the world as it is today,

everyone deals with life in their own special way.

There are many positive ways to deal with things,

set goals and walk through muddy waters to achieve your dreams.

Sit back, relax, and take life one day at a time,

slow down to marvel at the miracles you may find.

There are many positive things one can do,

listed above are just a minimal few.

There seems to be even more negative ways to deal with things,

set no boundaries and laugh at others who don't achieve their dreams.

Sit back and drink every hour away; glass by glass,

be jealous of others success and do your best to knock them on their ass.

Smoke life away; joint by joint, and puff by puff,

or turn to some of the more dangerous types of drugs.

One can pick the wrong way to deal with life,

and can manage to turn around and find the positive answers to end their strife.

If you feel like you have had a harder life to deal with,

know that nobody's life is a perfect fairytale myth.

The ones that look like they have never lived a hard day at all,

are merely the ones who chose to get up and walk rather than fall...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

We all have choices in life. God blessed us with the gift of free will. If you have been abused within your lifetime that doesn't give you an excuse to become a failure. The choice is yours to make, either stand up and walk tall and proud or stay down and cause the others around you to hurt as you are hurting. The choice is yours to make; it's walk or fall, give or take? The narrow path of life is lit by God's light to guide you to the plans he has made for you; and is quite narrow and difficult at times. The wide path is rather easy to walk down and is lit brightly by the lights of your desires...but when we follow our desires first rather than following God then the wide path can end rather abruptly and cause us to fall. The choice is ours to make whether we remain fallen or if we will get back up and start all over again. Don't give up and lie beaten on the ground for others to walk on and to show others of your demise. Stand strong and firm with your belief in yourself and with faith, hope, and love stand up and try once again.

Values, Morals, and Pride

My life hasn't always been easy or all of the answers just handed to me,

I have had to walk up my share of mountains that were quite steep.

My mother raised me with values, morals, and that good 'ole southern pride,

I was taught to hold pride for myself and never let my values or morals hide.

My momma raised me with love and the importance of your family,

we may have our ups and downs; but a family, we will always be.

I am doing my best to raise my boys with the morals, values, and pride that I had instilled in my own childhood days,

for no matter how rich I shall never be; the lessons my momma taught me bring great wealth in so many ways.

Take the time to teach your kids how to appreciate the small things in life,

even when times are hard and troubled- one must stand tall with their pride.

Take time to talk to God; drop to your knees and pray,

know that he hears every small thing you feel compelled to say.

Forgive and forget is a hard thing to succeed at accomplishing,

especially when harsh times can haunt you at night in your dreams.

We must always remember to think before we act or speak,

and set attainable goals for our life we wish to seek.

When people in life attempt to degrade you and try to bring you down,

remember your values and morals- walk away with pride and stand your ground.

Don't accept handouts; work for all you desire out of life,

even when times are troubled and you feel burdened down by strife.

If you have been blessed with being a mom to some of God's children,

then take time to instill positive morals and values patiently to them.

Values, morals, and pride help one stay standing strong,

amidst life's stormy weathers we're able to continue on.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

Even when I didn't share a roof with my mom the lessons she taught me rang through my ears. By watching her and listening to her as she guided me as a child I learned many things. I may not have known what I know now when I still lived at home with my mom; but if I had then I can tell you I would have made sure she knew just how appreciated she is. She is a wonderful inspiration and the strong tree that remains standing when the earthquakes of life have taken everything else away. The values and morals she fought so hard to instill in me have helped made me who I am today. Her pride keeps her branches beautifully swaying when the winds of life start to pick up. I remember her putting a book on our heads as children and making us walk from one end of the room to the other without letting the book fall. She'd play this game with us why? To teach us how to be in the habit of walking with our head held high to display our pride for who we are. She did her best to teach us how to walk with our head held high and show our pride for the life we were born into. My mother is definitely one of a kind and I'm blessed to have her as my mother and as my friend.

God as our Steeple

Why is it that the word, "job" and the book of "Job" are both spelled alike?

Is there some sort of meaning- if you hold my insight?

Is it possible that if a meaningful job is what you hold,

you are helping others- it fits in with your mold...

Everyone holds a talent inside,

think of what yours is- does it hide?

Do you have a job that you enjoy going to,

perhaps you should look into other things you could possibly do?

Helping others out is God's way,

don't have to believe me; just hear what I have to say...

It is said; often at times, that God's gift to us is life,

what we do with it by giving back to him- also ends our strife.

If his gift to us is life and our gift back to him is what we do with it,

then why do we work the meaningless jobs- when the tune just doesn't fit?

Perhaps if you look deep within yourself,

a talent you would find that could offer others help.

Enjoyment in life doesn't come from materialistic things,

imagine what life would be like- just allow yourself to dream...

If we didn't value money- that shows so many symbols and signs,

just listen to the beat of the rhythm of my rhyme...

Money is merely one of the devils way to hide,

the God given talent that you hold inside.

It causes you to work where the most money is,

makes life sometimes like a cola that is missing the fresh fizz.

But...

If everyone were to just search for a way to use their God given talent,

do you ever wonder of the blessings that would probably be sent?

If we all would use our talents to help other people,

the world would look like a church- with God as our steeple.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I wrote this poem during a time in my life where I was questioning why life is the way it is. One problem I see in life these days is the yearn for money and materialistic goods. If we were to discontinue giving a value to the piece of paper that everyone works for imagine what kind of world this life would be. I think God intended for people to help one another out without putting a value behind how much your helping hand is worth. Take time within your day to do a good deed for someone else and I can guarantee that you will be left feeling like you are worth more than just a simple piece of paper.

Cherished Memories

To hear the laughter of my boys playing,  
brings to life some of my most thought of dreams.  
To lay in the arms of another who cares,  
brings faith to the heart; of a life that I am blessed to share.  
To hear the sounds of the kids as they splash in the water,  
helps erase the past; love is the most simplest cure.  
To feel the warm embrace found in loving eyes,  
makes me proud to say; love, I no longer despise.  
Life is filled with three wonderful gifts from God up above,  
faith, hope, and love with the greatest of these being love.  
We have faith that there is always a better tomorrow,  
hold hope that we are worth more than we may have felt during our sorrows.  
Cherish the love we have when we realize it is found,  
learn to cherish the true beauty of life; the miracles of the silent sounds.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

It's so easy to get caught up in the responsibilities that come with our days. That brings one to fail to see the beauty of the love in their life. Take a moment to just listen to the sounds of love that fill your life and cherish those moments as you work towards your tomorrow.

Love is the Answer

Everybody's searching for an answer,

to some storm they are having to weather.

Takes some time to let your heart not deter,

when one has used you for their own pleasure.

Makes you battle- Makes you fight,

searching for an answer to make everything alright.

Slow your pace- don't waste your days,

show your love- in every way.

Never an answer for the question, "why,"

says the man up in the Heavens sky.

Beat yourself up fighting in a war,

loves the enemy knocking at your door.

Holding a battle scar that takes your love away,

love just wants to be invited in to stay.

Tattered and bruised- wanting an answer, "why,"

lock up that door; love for you...you deny.

Slow your pace- don't waste your days,

show your love- in every way.

Never an answer for the question, "why,"

says the man up in the Heavens sky.

Aching inside from the beating love has done,

knocking at your door- hoping for a battle won.

Breaks right in unexpectedly,

loves the only thing visible to see...

Open your eyes to the beauty that's around,

answers to questions come falling to the ground.

Thunder and lightning dance and clap around,

love for who you are is what has now been found.

Laugh at the questions; they disappear with the rain,

loves the only answer that takes away the pain.

Not from another; but only from you,

love who you are and all that you do.

The greatest love to be found,

so wonderful that it lifts you up off the ground...

Lives inside of you; your own worst enemy,

Faith, Hope, and Love...you have to believe.

Slow your pace- don't waste your days,

show your love- in every way.

Never an answer for the question, "why,"

says the man up in the Heavens sky.

Loves the only answer to questions that you seek,

love provides you with strength when you are weak.

Love picks you up when another has pushed you down,

love is the only answer when you're lying on the ground.

Love who you are and believe in your self-worth,

don't set yourself up for failure by accepting less than you deserve.

Everyone deserves to be happy and to experience true love,

but it must come from loving yourself first...then blessed by the man above.

Don't get lost in searching for unanswered questions during your days,

toss them out with the wind and invite love back to your life...to stay.

Find the beauty of today and hopes for tomorrow,

leave the yesterday alone and toss out those sorrows.

Believe in yourself and remember- Faith, Hope, and Love,

praise God for this gift of life that he gave unto us.

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

When I was abused I took the blame from the wrongdoings of my abuser and kept it for myself. I was led to believe that I had done something wrong that caused the pain to continue happening. I thought; why else would another person hurt me if I had not done something to deserve it? I was to young to realize that he was wrong and deserved the blame for his own actions; not me. Throughout the years; since the abuse happened, I had fought to answer the question, "why?" I was so stubborn and refused to believe there wasn't an answer. In refusing the truth; there is not always an answer, "why," I also ended up refusing love. Even when I thought I no longer blamed myself; obviously I did. For if I truly didn't still blame myself then I would have known my abuser was the one who just made a mistake. I would have been able to stop searching for an answer that didn't have one.

People make mistakes in life. Nobody is perfect. How often have we heard those statements while growing up? I know I heard them quite often from my mother. They are very true statements. Sometimes peoples mistakes hurt others. Your choices affect those around you. Even when you aren't trying to hurt someone; it is still possible to negatively affect their life. Take time with your life choices that you have to make. Love yourself while helping others out along the way. Even if you don't help another person out directly...you never know who is watching you and learning.

Butterfly

There was a little girl,

living in a small town world.

she spread joy and cheer,

loving strong; she held no fears.

She was a butterfly,

soaring towards the open sky.

Chasing dreams- she spread her wings,

oh- she had everything...

Then one came and clipped her wing,

tore away at her dreams.

Her smiles gone- replaced with tears,

she held on; but, flew with fear.

She was a butterfly,

what he did- she questioned why.

Broken dreams clung to her wings

oh, he ruined everything...

Her laugh; it held such pain,

when the storm fled it left the rain.

Still held hope of love to find,

oh, she was the stubborn kind.

She was a butterfly,

with a broken wing; she still tried.

Her hopes strong; she held on,

her love gone; she went wrong.

She flew south with her broken wing,

clinging to her shattered dreams.

To love herself; she denied,

flying towards the answer, "why."

She was a butterfly,

grasping for the open sky.

Holding on to shattered dreams,

she pushed off with everything...

With a broken wing she didn't fly well,

oh, but what she found when she fell.

She saw the beauty she was,

her broken wing she learned to love.

She soared off with her dreams,

the love she found had fixed her wing.

Oh, she was a butterfly,

flew straight past the question, "why."

With her faith she made it through,

graced the air like the morning dew.

She was a butterfly,

soaring in the open sky.

Living dreams; she spread her wings,

oh; she loved everything...

She was a butterfly,

her love carried her towards the sky.

She was a butterfly,

oh, Just a butterfly...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

I would have to say that this is one of my most favorite poems/songs I have written. I once felt as free as a butterfly. Full of faith and dreams in everything. As I ran about playing with my siblings our laughter would ring through the air. My mother was my best friend; making cupcakes, playing hide-n-seek, canning fresh food for the winter, taking us for walks, and just merely; spending the time a mother spends with her children sharing her love. As the years went by and seasons changed she had to work in order to provide for us the way she wanted to. Then, one day my dignity was abruptly stolen from me- much like a butterfly who has clipped her wing... With a broken wing butterflies aren't able to fly very well. They sort of flutter about; doing their best to try and get up off the ground and just fly again. Much time later, I was able to see what it was that would mend my broken wing and send me off soaring towards my dreams; once again. Love was the answer all along that helped mend my broken wing. Yet; not the love from another but the love of myself.

Chasin' Wild Dreams

Sailin' out against the wind- Chasin' wild dreams

tryin' to find you- oh, I pray, her tide comes through...

Carry her home- back home to me

her ships set sail- chasin' wild dreams

Let your lighthouse lead her way

bring her home; Lord, if you may...

The wind runs free; pushin' her on- dangerous waves leads towards a storm

Her wild dreams came crashin' round- as the waves pulled her ship down

She set out towards the ocean blue- chasin' wild dreams- in hopes for you...

Carry her home- back home to me

her ships set sail- chasin' wild dreams

Let your lighthouse lead her way

bring her home; Lord, if you may...

Carryin' on; with her ship wrecked- chasin' wild dreams; she never met

Through the waves; she sailed on- pushin' her way out- past the storm

She dropped down to her knees and prayed- when the storm swept her ship away

She searched on; with all her might-with faith she prayed she'd find your light

Carry her home- back home to me

her ships set sail- chasin' wild dreams

Let your lighthouse lead her way

bring her home; Lord, if you may...

Oh; what love and joy she found-when you turned her ship around

Let your lighthouse lead her way

bring her home; Lord, if you may

She sailed out- towards the ocean blue-

Tide brought her home- filled with Love from you...

Life Observation that led to my Inspiration

The love that is found in our journey through life; is a forgiving love. The selection above tells of the journey I made that led towards chasing my wild dreams of love. My ship may have gotten wrecked in the storm; but, through Faith, Hope, and Love I sailed on. I am proud to say that I have arrived back at my original destination; that of loving who I am and the beauties that life does hold.

This Book

Began and Ended

with
Chapter 1...

Because

Faith, Hope, and Love

are never done.

Written with Time and Love by...

~Danielle M. Titus~

Dedication

I dedicate this book to two very important people in my life; Pamela Godbee (my mother) and Brendan Leigh Wilken (the love of my life). My mother has been my inspiration as I have grown-up. She taught me to laugh when life made me just want to cry, has listened to me vent through the years, has never taken advantage of my wrong choices by telling me, "I told you so," and she always reminds me to stand for the beauty in life rather than the negativity that tries to bring one down. She's been here to laugh with my funny stories and she stood as my pillar when life's storms tried to break me in two. She has been my inspiration that has made me who I am today. My mother is the strongest woman I will ever know. She has had her share of storms in life and she hasn't let them break her branches. Through it all; she has been that tree that stands tall and proud; while swaying in the wind. The endurance of her strength has been an inspiration to my life. At times I would tell myself that if my mother could make it then so could I; and I'd push on some more. There were times in my life I felt broken; but, a simple phone call to my mom would be the wind that helped me fight against the resistance and beautifully sway with the storm. My mother could never imagine just how watching her has helped make me who I am today. I am truly blessed to call her my mother. Brendan has been my first dream that has come true. He treats me with respect and his love shines through in all of the right ways. He accepts, parents, and treats my four boys better than I could have ever dreamed. He's been patient, caring, and loving throughout the duration of me writing this book. He's filled me with inspiration and helped keep my hopes strong in pursuing this dream of actually publishing a book. I love him with all of my heart and am proud to be "his girl" and call him, "my man."

I would also like to give thanks to Mrs. Angela Burgess, who helped me see what I needed to see in myself so long ago. With her extreme kindness, warm heart, and lots and lots of her time; she helped me learn that I am truly an important person and worth caring about. She guided me with her strength and helped guide my mother in the right direction to get me the counseling that one may need when they've been raped or molested. She was just a random adult that was present in my world. She opened her door to me when I was going through harsh times. She took her time and helped act as the mediator I obviously desired. In time, she was able to lead me to the one person I wanted to talk to the most; my mother. With her time, patience, and love she helped me gain back the self esteem and self worth that another abruptly took away. The lessons and love that Mrs. Angie Burgess taught me actually helped me stand strong when life knocked me to my knees because of wrong choices I made later on in life. I thank her so much for sharing the beauty of life and love with me that gave me the chance to be where I am at in life today.

I thank Mrs. Kathy Grant; my high school English teacher, for sending my mother a postcard that complimented my writing skills back when I was just a student in her class. At times; when I would get discouraged while writing this book, I would actually pull that postcard out to read. Just reading the kind words of another would help me keep the strength of believing in myself and my talents strong...and I would continue writing. Last of all; I would like to thank my oldest sister; Jillian Guidry, for always being there for me. By watching her make mistakes and and still rise above them, I learned that I could still rise above wrong choices I made as well. Even when I thought she was to busy for me, she always came around and proved me wrong. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!

About the Author

I; Danielle Titus- being the author of this book, would like to tell you a bit about where I am at in my life now. I can be found living my dreams in the state of Georgia. I live in a small town but, in a big house. My four boys, my boyfriend, and his rottweiler; Tucker, make up our family. My days are filled with mopping floors, washing laundry, running household errands, picking up kids from after school activities, and relaxing with my family. I love to write and cherish the moments of peace and quiet when I can just sit and release my thoughts to the sound of silence. With that being said; let me remind you I have four active sons, a hundred pound dog, and the man of my dreams that make my family complete. It's such a lovely feeling to always have someone who desires to have my time, love, and attention; while sharing theirs with me. Needless to say; my quiet times are hard to come by. Do I regret not having more quiet times in my days? No, the laughter, chatter, and vibrant sounds from my family can never be enough. The smiles that ring through my days are priceless! I have to admit that in our house, life is always interesting and it's rare for a dull moment to be found. Someone is always doing something that causes laughter to ring through the air. Though I may not have had the easiest past, I must admit that I would not change a thing about my life that has brought me to my present day. Above all of the lessons I have learned in my life so far; learning how to love myself again has been the hardest, most fulfilling, and the most important lesson I have learned. Through the love of myself I was able to feel the amazing of God that led to the love of my first dream come true; Brendan L. Wilken. The experience and ability to publish this book; Chasin' Wild Dreams...Through the Years, has been my second dream come true. Through Faith, Hope, and Love I have been able to turn my dreams into my reality.

If you would like to contact myself feel free to contact me by email at dani_titus@yahoo.com. I thank you for taking the time to read my story and I hope that you have enjoyed the time spent reading.

"...These three remain, Faith, Hope, and Love-

with the greatest of these being Love."

\--1 Corinthians 13:13

(NIV)

