 
### Table of Contents

Title Page

Preface

Dedication

Introduction

The History of Last Minute Management

In the Beginning

The Stone Age

Early Civilization

The Egyptian Culture

The Roman Empire

The Middle Ages

The Colonial Period

The Industrial Era

The Information Age

Techniques to Cover Your Tracks

Accept Total Blame

Appear Humble

Become Emotional

Become the Historian

Blame Your Secretary

Call in a Consultant

Celebrate a Victory

Concentrate on the Process

Confuse the Issue

Declare Professional Bankruptcy

Disassociate Everything

Feign an Appology

Locate a Loophole

Reorganize Your Department

Take a Dive

Throw a Tantrum

Write a Report

Incentives to Cover Your Tracks

Techniques to Get Through the Day

Appoint a Committee

Be a Chameleon

Byte Your Baud

Consider Everything

Convene a Meeting

Defend Your Turf

Do Something

Drag Your Feet

Find an Obstacle

Hide

Hold a Hostage

Look Busy

Lurk and Pounce

Monunicate

Run for Office

Use Social Media

Watch a Clock

Incentives to Get Through the Day

Techniques to Fertilize Your Future

Agree with Everyone

Assume Command

Blow Your Horn

Buzz a Word

Create a Controversy

Cut Yourself Short

Fake a Change

File a Complaint

Focus on the Details

Hire an Assistant

Kill a Watt

Leave it with Your Boss

Make a Recommendation

Prepare a Study

Request a Transfer

Win an Award

Incentives to Fertilize Your Future

About the Author

Books by Terry Eade

# The Last Minute Manager

# Terry Eade

Copyright 2014 Terry Eade

Smashwords Edition

ISBN 9781311137784

# Preface

This book presents a series of windows (or mirrors) through which we can observe those defensive and often annoying traits that form the cornerstone of contemporary bureaucracy. Thus, what initially appears to be an instruction manual for a management style, which virtually everyone will recognize as undesirable, is really the exposure of techniques which detract from our effectiveness as managers.

Focusing on these techniques should help us to spot similarities to our own style, provide us with insight into our own behavior, and help us to recognize methods, which we may be developing by default. The simple observations from _Parkinson's Law_ , _Murphy's Law_ and _The Peter Principle_ have had a very significant impact in improving our understanding of management and human nature, using the same approach.

To accomplish this objective, the approach was to make the book entertaining enough to be read, simple enough to be understood, and relevant enough to be remembered. Thus, just as the brewers of light beer have attempted to create a product which is full bodied and at the same time less filling, this book will attempt to be light, smooth, and satisfying. It is also hoped that this approach will make the medicine easier to swallow, especially for those who need heavy doses.

There has also been an attempt to keep the material brief and concise, since those toward whom the book is aimed have the least time to waste. Toward this end, each technique has been compressed into a short narrative so the reader does not have to sift through a large volume of material to extract and summarize the major points.

It is hoped that this approach will also contribute to the readability of the book, and avoid the peril of those books which are so long and complex that they don't get finished. Moreover, the intent has been to make The Last Minute Manager valuable, enjoyable, and user friendly.

# Dedication

I would like to dedicate this book to all those managers who are effective problem solvers, considerate supervisors, conscientious workers, and effective leaders. These are the leaders and managers who "walk the walk" and "talk the talk". As a result they are respected by those above them, along side of them, and especially those who report to them. These folks can hold their head up high and be proud of their accomplishments and the accomplishments of those who they have trained, developed and led.

They are consistently able to bring about the desired results quickly, efficiently, and economically without losing the morale or enthusiasm of their team. In fact, they are consistently able to get the most out of all members of their team while building dedication and esprit de corps. They are willing to take risks and to persevere until they find ways around the obstacles they encounter along the way. They can be counted on to get the job done and are courageous enough to cut through the red tape and stomp out needless bureaucracy in order to improve the process. In other words, all of the excellent managers who are neither Last Minute Managers nor utilize the Last Minute Management techniques enumerated in this book.

It has been a pleasure to work for, with, and above such professionals in both my military and civilian management positions. Hopefully I have been able to foster these positive traits and objectives in those students who attended my college classes and my management training seminars.

I am also pleased that the next generation of managers such as Clifton Eade, Theresa Hulihan, and Cory Paul exemplify the effective leadership and management skills needed in the future. These three professionals have exhibited the positive traits noted above in their retail, educational, and high tech management fields respectively.

# Introduction

So you've decided to become a manager. Or perhaps you are already a manager and have decided to update your management skills. In either case you have several choices as to the type of manager you want to be. You can be a theory X manager, a theory Y manager, or even a theory Z manager. You can manage by exception, by objectives, or just by walking around. In fact, if you really want to be efficient about it, you can be a _One Minute Manager_.

While all of the management styles and approaches indicated above have had some degree of success and popularity, none of them have either the following or the stability of Last Minute Management. Perhaps it is because up until now this classic style hasn't had a catchy designation or written set of guidelines, or hasn't received the attention that has been devoted to management modes of much lesser stature.

The purpose of this book is, therefore, to present the secrets of Last Minute Management in written form so you can consider it along with some of the more flashy but less traditional management styles. While none of the concepts addressed in this book are new, the recognition of them collectively as a management style is unique.

In the pages which follow we will explore the skills of the Last Minute Manager. While each of these techniques are capable of being used effectively in an independent manner, when combined they become an almost impenetrable defense for the Last Minute Manager. Thus, the mastery of these principles is an almost sure way to survive and in the right environment, perhaps even prosper. Its durability to withstand the onslaught of progress has made Last Minute Management what it is today, the world's oldest management style and the foundation of modern bureaucracy.

#  The History of Last Minute Management

As intimated in the Introduction to this book, Last Minute Management is not something which suddenly sprang up out of nowhere. It has evolved from the very first vestiges of life and has continued to evolve becoming more sophisticated and pervasive with each succeeding period.

As you might have noticed from the graphic at the beginning of this chapter, the guards have their shields over their backsides rather than in front. There are two reasons for this posture. First, like all Last Minute Managers throughout history, their first concern is to CYA (Cover Your Ass). Second, if there would be any confrontation involved, the Last Minute Manager would not be facing this threat head-on, but would be retreating and only need protection from the rear. You will also note the coat of arms on the shields indicates that they are as cunning as a fox and as lazy as a sloth with a line of "Z"s representing their proclivity to sleep.

One of the most impressive techniques developed by Last Minute Managers through the ages has been their ability to sleep while standing or sitting up. In the case of the guards depicted in the graphic, they could just drop their face shields and get some winks. However, most Last Minute Managers can also sleep with their eyes wide open. Those who have marveled at those modern day palace guards who remain motionless and fixed eyed even in the face of taunting tourists are really just observing Last Minute Managers who will remain asleep while standing at attention until their replacement arrives.

So before we get into the the techniques of Last Minute Management we need to take a look at the rich history of this highly effective management style and some of the contributions which have been made by those Last Minute Managers who have come before us in this great chronology of indolence. Listed in the sections of this chapter are the major periods in this history.

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# In the Beginning

There is much disagreement among scientists and historical scholars as to the actual origin and early traces of Last Minute Management. One school of thought holds that Last Minute Management is as old as the Universe itself and points to Man's late appearance in the chronology of events as proof of that assertion. It also postulates that the black hole was the ideal hiding place for those of the Last Minute Management persuasion to seek refuge until it was safe for them to emerge.

Another theory advances the proposition that it is the evolution of sea creatures onto the land which marks the genesis of Last Minute Management. This theory holds that these early creatures were not trying to evolve to a higher life form or even looking for new sources of food, but were merely looking for a place to hide away from the rigors and responsibilities of underwater life.

One of these creatures evolved into a higher Last Minute Manager form called the brontosaurus. The brontosaurus's long neck enabled it to easily reach foliage not available to the other herbivores in its territory so it was able to survive without much effort or competition. It was large and slow with a brain the size of a walnut. It did not have any particular defenses or the ambition to fight off a predator like the fierce, flesh eating tyrannosaurus. When faced with the necessity to avoid a predator, the brontosaurus would wade out into the water where it could hide to wait out the danger and expose only enough of its small head to breath. If water was not readily available, it might wade out into a tar pit instead. As I mentioned earlier, it had a brain the size of a walnut.

Though there is much proof that Last Minute Management predates Man's ascendancy, we will concentrate upon human Last Minute Managers and the rich legacy which they have passed on to us. Though this account will be sketchy and no doubt incomplete, I will attempt to touch upon some of the milestones of Last Minute Management which have had an impact on shaping the present state of the art. The rest of the sections in this chapter will, therefore, chronicle the evolution and elevation of human Last Minute Managers.

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# The Stone Age

The earliest human Last Minute Manager was known as Procrastinatus Erectus. Fossils of Procrastinatus Erectus reveal they had a small brain and a large buttocks. Archaeologists attribute this to the fact that these early primates would outwait rather than outsmart their adversaries. From the crude drawings found on their cave walls, it is apparent they would also attempt to hide from predators by covering their eyes. The drawings were obviously made by an observer rather than a participant in these events. One of the great gains made by this species, however, was in the continuous improvement of their hiding techniques - first from danger and later from work.

As you can see in the illustration at the beginning of this section, the petroglyph drawing on the Procrastinatus Erectus cave wall depicts the dream of a day when there would be a handout from or through something which would be called nirvana in Eastern cultures and welfare in Western ones. This would mean that in the future the descendants of Procrastinatus Erectus would be able to have the same food and necessities as the rest of society and not have to rely on the food and fur that more advanced tribes left behind. There was also the dream they would be able to have more sophisticated dwellings than caves without having to build these structures themselves.

Noticeably absent from the relics found in Procrastinatus Erectus sites were any form of tools. The explanation given for this was that while other early cultures were developing tools, these early Last Minute Managers were developing excuses. The development of the excuse has advanced the cause of Last Minute Management down through the ages, just as tools have advanced the evolution of the more advanced and productive humanoids.

Scholars specializing in the study of Procrasatinatus Erectus have determined that they were foragers and scavengers, neither having the ambition to be hunters nor the intelligence to be farmers. Since the concept of government had not yet been devised, these potential politicians and bureaucrats would remain at the lower end of the food chain until the attributes they possessed would make them ideally suited for public service.

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# Early Civilization

The domestication of animals, the cultivation of crops, and the ability to preserve food marked a new era for Mankind. No longer was it necessary for him to wander nomadically in search of an undependable supply of food. With this increased independence came more stable possessions, specialization of labor, and permanent dwellings. The resulting increase in population, social infrastructure, and economic wealth created the perfect climate for the fruitful growth of Last Minute Management.

The first sprout of this growth was in the form of the middleman. The middleman was someone who could convince a consumer that there was a shortage, convince a producer that there was a surplus and then drain off whatever was necessary to turn the surplus into a shortage. This of course marked the first great breakthrough of Last Minute management - the ability to generate income without production.

The second great breakthrough of Last Minute Management also came during this same era. That was the ability to generate income without either production or competition. Just as the foragers had become middlemen, the scavengers had become bandits, essentially speeding up the abandonment process. Like the rest of society, however, the bandits grew tired of living a nomadic lifestyle and also desired to have more stable possessions, independence, and permanent dwellings.

Therefore, just as the hunters had domesticated animals and the pickers had cultivated crops and stored the bounty, the bandits decided to settle down and expropriate a larger and more stable booty from an established clientele. This, of course, was the derivation of taxes, standing armies, and government.

#  The Egyptian Culture

The rich culture which flourished along the Nile provided an exceptionally fertile ground for the now burgeoning cadre of Last Minute Managers. By now the unsavory little middlemen had been elevated to the stature of well-to-do merchants and the despicable robber barons had made the even more astounding leap to the ruling class. Thus, Last Minute Management had not only developed into a way to survive, but a way to survive in style and leisure.

In some ways the Egyptian era represented the zenith of Last Minute Management in a decadent, but seemingly benign manner which would probably never again be duplicated. Perhaps then it is fitting that this era devoted great resources to producing the pyramids, which didn't have any function save to deify those who's primary goal in life was to erect these edifices. Thus, great resources, engineering efforts, time, and untold amounts of backbreaking labor were devoted to producing something which served no worthwhile purpose nor improved the life of the general population. Last Minute Management was gaining speed.

Probably the greatest contribution of this era to Last Minute Management was in the development of papyrus. Though crude and expensive to produce, this early form of paper would become the standard and banner of bureaucracy to which untold legends of yet unborn Last Minute Managers would pledge their loyalty. Some social anthropologists have also asserted that the modern Last Minute Manager's early preoccupation with retirement can be directly linked to the pharaoh's early preoccupation with the details of their burial crypt and the materialistic provisions for this conveyance to a better life.

#  The Roman Empire

The Roman Empire with its vast network of roads, viaducts, military garrisons, seaports, and cities took government to a new level of size and complexity. The Romans were able to handle all this with a highly developed administrative structure. This term added an air of legitimacy and dignity to what Last Minute Managers had been doing all along.

The Empire was essentially split into two classes - the upper class patricians and the lower class plebeians. Only the patricians were allowed to dabble in administration, however, since the plebeians were obviously better suited for the more productive and earthy endeavors.

In previous cultures even the politicians had some degree of responsibility for whatever it was they were designated to head. The Roman senator, however, was a politician "at large" with no particular responsibility for a territory, function, or group of people. In fact, he was the ultimate Last Minute Manager in that he had prestige and influence without responsibility for the way things turned out or even the necessity to show up at all.

In addition to the conceptual contributions made by this era to the cause of Last Minute Management are the idealistic role models after which we can pattern our own behavior. Perhaps one of the most motivational such symbols for the Last Minute Manager is the vision of Nero fiddling while Rome burned.

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# The Middle Ages

To most historians, the poorly structured feudal system which dominated the early part of the middle ages represented a step backward from the highly developed and organized cultures of the Greek and Roman civilizations which had proceeded this era. To the Last Minute Manager, however, the anxiety, infighting, and lack of direction was like a warm slipper. The growth and complexity of the cities also created a friendly environment for those of the Last Minute Manager persuasion.

The best environment during this period, however, was in the court of a king or nobleman. In this enviable position, the Last Minute Manager could live well, have influence, and yet not be required or even expected to contribute anything except complementary rhetoric and enthusiastic obedience to his host in return. These gestures came easy to the Last Minute Manager, who had by now developed a real appreciation for power and a real appetite for luxury. It also fostered one of the most common and respected subsets of Last Minute Management - the "yes man".

Undoubtedly the greatest contribution of this period to the art of Last Minute Management was the Machiavellian concept of leadership, politics, and public office. Niccolo Machiavelli's epistle, _The_ _Prince,_ provided a middle age primer on how to use power for fun and profit. In inimitable Last Minute Management style he not only did this without conscience or scruples, but without the benefit of having been successful at it himself.

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# The Colonial Period

One popular tale cites Christopher Columbus as the first bureaucrat. According to this account he didn't know where he was going before he left, didn't know where he was when he got there, didn't know where he had been when he returned, and made the entire trip on a government grant. Columbus, like other explorers, was definitely not a Last Minute Manager. The very fact that these folks accomplished what they set out to do, took risks to do so, inspired their crews with confidence, and got there before anyone else proves that. The explorers did, however, pave the road for the Last Minute Managers who would follow at a safe distance.

The discovery of new lands and the establishment of European colonies around the globe would open up an almost unlimited number of opportunities which were tailor made for the Last Minute Manager. These opportunities were in the form of both government and commercial administrative and clerical positions in the colonies.

As one might expect, those making the decision on who would get these positions would frequently choose their friends and relatives regardless of their level of knowledge or competence. In some cases a supervisor might recommend one of their subordinates for a colonial assignment to get rid of a very incompetent person and banish the loser to some far off post.

These situations were ideal. First, the work was usually at a much slower pace than required in the mother country and was often far from the supervision of those in authority. Second, social convention usually dictated that all the real work was relegated to the indigenous people where the colony was located. Regardless of how skilled the indigenous staff became, they could not displace the European bureaucrat from his official position. Third, the living conditions were usually quite plush and staffed with servants to compensate the bureaucrat from being away from home. Under these circumstances, the sun never set or shone brighter on Last Minute Management.

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# The Industrial Era

The industrial revolution ushered in a new era in terms of the economic, social, and political changes which would rise out of this brief two hundred year period. The proliferation of new inventions, the refinement of fossil fuels, the development of new manufacturing methods, the discovery of new communication technology, and more efficient transportation devices would profoundly change the industrial societies in which these changes were most prominent.

These changes would create a growing urban population which fueled the rapid transition from an agrarian to an industrial economy. This shift from agriculture to manufacturing would provide an ideal environment for the immense growth which the Last Minute Management movement would experience during this period.

The development of large complex factories with specialized workers and labor saving machinery would put the advantages of Last Minute management within the grasp of a new mid-level manager. No longer could a worker's productivity be easily separated from another's or the responsibility of an action be clearly tied to one manager. With the growth of big business and big unions would come big government and the opportunities that these segments of the new industrial society hold out to the professional bureaucrat.

A major contribution of this era would be the growth and popularity of the office. Now there would be a sanctioned place for Last Minute Managers to gather and practice their trade free from productivity or accountability. The technological advances in the manufacture and processing of paper during this era would also prove vital to the care and feeding of Last Minute Managers.

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# The Information Age

If the pace of change in the Industrial Era was hectic, the pace in the Information Age could be classified as blinding, with a rate increase of approximately ten fold. With over sixty-five percent of the labor force involved in generating, processing, transmitting or analyzing information, the United States and other developed nations would be increasing knowledge at such a fast pace that over half of the worlds total knowledge base would have been generated by those living during this age.

It seems that each succeeding period has been even more accommodating to the Last Minute Manager than the proceeding one. In this regard the Information Age is no exception. With the emphasis on information, rather than agricultural crops or manufactured goods, the Last Minute Manager would easily be able to find niches where one could appear to be involved without actually contributing anything.

Now that most of the labor force was involved in producing a non-tangible product, the Last Minute Manager would finally have the home court advantage. The Information Age would also introduce a wonderful new workspace called the cubicle. Now those lower level and prospective Last Minute Managers who wouldn't rate an office would still have a place out of view of their supervisors and co-workers where they could sleep or doddle the day away.

Also, since these lower level bureaucrats would usually have a computer in their cubicle they would be able to play computer games or surf the web when they were neither tired enough to sleep nor ambitious enough to work. Many of these folks installed software on their computers which would enable the bureaucrat to quickly switch the computer back to some work related task if someone did come into their cubicle.

Computer software designers developed operating systems which would automatically put the computer into a sleep mode after a short period of inactivity. The computer could easily spring to life if it was prodded by some outside activity and return to its previous task. This was done to conserve energy and extend the battery life of a laptop computer. Of course this feature was inspired by watching Last Minute Managers who could do the same thing to conserve their own energy and extend their employment life while remaining detached from the situation at hand as long as possible.

While the age of computers and robots would expand the complexity and productivity of the work place to the point where a Last Minute Manager could stow away without being noticed, it would also provide the speed, accuracy, and accountability that could make the Last Minute Manager stand out and threaten his survival and security. This age would also see a rebirth of the entrepreneurial ethic and the small firm. With a brilliant history of survival on his side, however, the Last Minute Manager will probably overcome these challenges to remain champion of the indolent, defender of bureaucracy, and prince of procrastination.

#

The techniques of Last Minute Management have been divided into three chapters. In this chapter, you will be exposed to those skills which enable the Last Minute Manager to avoid being harmed by the consequences of his or her past action or inaction. If you are like most potential Last Minute Managers, you will probably spend the greatest part of today worrying about the impact of yesterday's unresolved problems on tomorrow's job security. Since even fear shouldn't force you into something as distasteful as work, you will need another diversion to keep your mind off yesterday's problems. This book will serve that purpose, plus provide you with the skills to defend yesterday, defer today, and distort tomorrow.

If you are a brand new manager just starting out in your new position, you can wait until tomorrow to start this book. Since the skills addressed in this chapter deal with the problems of yesterday, you can just goof off today and find out tomorrow how to avoid any adverse reactions which may result from whatever you do or don't do today. As you can see, one of the real strengths of Last Minute Management is that you can start reaping the benefits immediately.

# Accept Total Blame

Now it may seem out of character for a Last Minute Manager to take the blame for anything, let alone for everything. As you might suspect, there is an ulterior motive behind this seemingly courageous and selfless act. The secret is in accepting total blame when it is obvious that you are not totally to blame. It thus becomes very obvious that you are willing to risk your own security to protect your subordinates, co-workers, and superiors.

The beauty of this approach is that in taking the blame for everything, you don't have to take the blame for anything and in the bargain you come away with a reputation for being brave and considerate. Because it is obvious that you are not totally to blame, your acceptance of total blame will not be accepted by the group. You, therefore, haven't really taken any risk. Also by accepting total blame you stop anyone from pressing you to find out how much of the blame really should be yours.

Of course if the problems were caused by those solely under your supervision, you really shouldn't accept total blame, since most people recognize that this is a legitimate acceptance of risk, which follows your leadership responsibility. In this regard, inexperienced Last Minute Managers should start out by only accepting total blame for small mistakes and problems.

The veteran Last Minute Manager will be able to carry this process one step further. By readily jumping in and accepting total blame for things which go wrong in your organization, you actually exclude yourself from suspicion in the same manner as those who consistently go to the police and confess for the latest front page crime. After a few times, nobody will take you seriously. There is an old saying that "if the shoe fits, wear it". In this situation, however, the Last Minute Manager should only try and wear the shoe if it is obvious that it won't fit.

# Appear Humble

Politeness, good manners, and idealism dictate that people understate their contributions and accomplishments. I can still remember the scene from the Saturday matinee Western where the hero was being praised by the pretty rancher's daughter for saving the old homestead and driving all of the rustlers out of the region. His modest reply, usually delivered while fiddling nervously with his hat and staring at the ground, would be "shucks marm twarn't nothin". In a like manner, the brave sheriff would always allow that "I'm just doing my job". Even the fictional super heroes like Superman, Batman, or Captain Marvel would respond to praise from the mayor for saving the city with a statement like "I'm just glad I got there in time".

Thus, when the Last Minute Manager says that it was "really nothing," because it really was nothing, people will think he or she is just being modest. Since voice inflection and body language carry a much more convincing message than do the actual words used, Last Minute Managers should use these communication techniques to convey the modesty image. However, if ever confronted with evidence which refutes the impression given, the Last Minute Manager can always reference his or her actual statement and be vindicated of having intentionally mislead anyone.

The example cited above reflects the application of this technique in the passive mode. Veteran Last Minute Managers can apply this technique in the active mode by denying an assertion which hasn't even been made. A statement like "I really can't take any credit for the success of this project and would like to point out that the real praise should go to Bob and the gang in the mail room, who did all the work". At this point you have given the impression that you did have some part in the project, you are modest about your contribution, and you are generous in your willingness to focus the praise on others.

This technique is the exact opposite of the Accept Total Blame addressed earlier. There you accepted total blame so you would not be believed and no one would delve any further into the causation of the problem. Here the Last Minute Manager gives the impression they did make some contribution to a successful outcome by acting humble and modest.

# Become Emotional

The introduction of emotion into any discussion essentially "raises the ante" in that discussion, thereby, enabling the Last Minute Manager to in effect supercharge his or her message. This is especially true if some of those toward whom the communication is directed are also emotionally inclined or who otherwise identify with your position. Becoming emotional will also enable you to avoid criticism for an approach which is not based upon a sound logical basis and excuses you for not being able to produce hard evidence to support your argument.

All that is necessary is that you convey the impression you personally react to the subject, issue, or individual in an emotional manner. This is usually done by relating to a past event, experience, or association. If you don't have a personal experience you can relate a story about an unnamed person who has. Even though the person you are talking about is unknown, everyone will think you are talking about yourself, a family member or a close friend. You can also use anything which has universal emotional appeal. In fact, if the twangs of chastity, patriotism, motherhood, religion, or some other highly emotional subject can be effectively touched on, many people will not even notice you have failed to establish any reasonable connection between the current circumstance or topic and the emotional appeal.

An emotional reaction on your part will also set the stage for your decision to disregard the situation and not deal with it at all. Usually your admission that you have strong feelings on a particular subject will absolve you from any responsibility to deal with the situation or perhaps serve on a committee dealing with that situation. A good example would be to indicate an emotional reaction or bias toward the subject of a pending court case to make sure that you would be excluded from having to sit on the jury.

You can always avoid elaborating on your emotional reaction because it is a very personal and sensitive matter. You can also make points by admitting that you are emotional about the subject, yet objective enough to recognize you are not able to deal with the issue without bias or prejudice.

# Become the Historian

Before there was a written language or even hieroglyphics, all history was verbal and passed down from generation to generation by the elders of the society. Since your office will probably not have a written history, information about past accomplishments, relationships, and individuals are also only passed on by word of mouth. Since the Last Minute Manager specializes in survival and stability, they are likely to be the oldest employees in the office and the ones who have the greatest knowledge of the office history.

In primitive societies it would be the shaman or the medicine man who knew all of the secret chants, potents, and talismans in addition to the history. In fact the medicine man would often garner more respect than the chief and this individual did not have to prove themselves in battle or in the hunt to garner their coveted position. The medicine man also did not have to be young and energetic to keep their position and would probably have that position until they died.

The Last Minute Manager knows where all the bodies are buried within the organization, and like the medicine man, is unlikely to be challenged by those who are younger and less experienced when they convey the history of the organization. If one of the younger members of your organization challenges the historical facts conveyed by you as the self-appointed historian, you can indicate that regardless of the other versions of the office history floating around you were there and witnessed the events first hand. You are also probably the only one in the office who knew all of the players in the history personally and are not getting your information through hearsay.

Being the historian not only gives the Last Minute Manager a vital position within the organization, it gives him or her the ability to convey the history of the organization in their own way. Of course the Last Minute Manager will be a prominent player in that history if not the driving force behind the evolution of the organization from its humble beginnings. The Last Minute Manager can also gain status by relating all the trials and tribulations that were faced in the early days before technology made things much easier and more impersonal. Being the historian gives the Last Minute Manager a win-win situation by giving them an important function in the present and a really important role in what came before.

# Blame Your Secretary

The secretary is the Last Minute Manager's interface with the world. Virtually all of the paperwork you handle must pass through your secretary both on the way in and on the way out. The opportunity here is obvious. When you are pressed for deadlines you just explain that the needed document isn't available because it is still being handled or was mishandled by your secretary. The person receiving the excuse that the needed paperwork is being typed will probably not delve into the matter far enough to discover that only the first page of your report is being typed and that you haven't finished the remaining nine pages yet. Nor will you usually be pressed as to when you gave a draft to your secretary for typing, copying, and assembling.

Other possibilities are that the document was sent to the wrong place, had so many typing errors it had to be redone, or was misfiled and couldn't be located. The incoming side also represents a whole range of opportunities, the most notable being that the document in question was either mislaid or delayed. Thus, the report you were to have read, the directive you were to have followed, and the memo you were to have answered, were either not directed to you or were brought to your attention too late to take the necessary action. If the information was sent to you electronically in an email, you can always explain that your secretary screens all of your email before you see it and must have deleted the important document along with all of the spam documents she was removing from your correspondence.

You should also not miss the chance to blame your secretary for telephone messages which were not delivered or were garbled, wrong meeting times and places, calls that didn't get through, and missed appointments. Don't forget you can also indicate that your secretary is just getting acclimated to a new word processing, scheduling, data base or spreadsheet program so important documents and appointments have been impacted. Here you can gain additional points for being progressive enough to adopt new tools and methods to improve the efficiency of your office.

Now if you use this technique very often, people are going to begin to ask you why you don't fire your secretary if she is so slow, inaccurate, and absent minded that she is always causing problems. If confronted by this question, just respond "Sally is slow and forgetful, but she tries so hard and is the sole support for her family". This way you can continue to use this technique in the future and come off as being kind and tolerant. This approach really disguises the technique, as observers don't expect someone this kind to pass the blame to a loyal employee who they appear to be defending.

# Call in a Consultant

Experts are held in very high regard in our society. The definition of an expert is, however, subject to some debate. One popular definition of an expert is anyone with a briefcase who is more than fifty miles from home. Thus, when you hire a consultant you have a wide degree of latitude in who you hire.

Given this latitude, the Last Minute Manager will be careful to bring in an expert who will substantiate what the Last Minute Manager has already done or is planning to do. The conclusions of the study and the resulting recommendations should, therefore, be discussed along with the fee and travel allowance before the consultant receives his or her contract.

If it is apparent that a consultant should be called in to review your operation or activities, make sure you are the one to initiate this action. If the consultant is hired by someone else, they will probably not be receptive to giving you what you want. Also, by calling in a consultant yourself, you appear to be proactive and willing to look at the observations and recommendations of someone outside of your operation.

If the Last Minute Manager has a subordinate who has become a problem, or is a threat to the continued application of the techniques of Last Minute Management, the consultant could be prompted to recommend the problem employee be transferred or dismissed. Here you can explain to your superiors you too realized the employee in question was a detriment to the operation, but you had hoped that you could work with them to resolve the issues. This way you have collaboration for your desire to get rid of the employee in question and still gain points for being a good boss and exploring every avenue to resolve the issue before recommending termination or transfer.

With these rather pedestrian matters attended to, the consultant should move on to the primary purpose of their contract, to examine the situation and make recommendations for improvement. Since, as indicated above, the conclusions have already been negotiated, the consultant need only apply their professional skills to reach those points in a convincing and scientific manner.

It should also be pointed out that the consultant needs to have some changes to suggest so they are not recommending that things be left entirely as they are. If there were no new information or recommendations for change, it would put the credibility of the entire process in jeopardy. Thus, the findings agreed upon should be revealing but not embarrassing and the recommendations easy to implement.

The consultant's work is made much easier by the fact that many of the existing staff have excellent insight into what is wrong with the organization and what can be done to correct the situation. If this is the case, then why do they need a consultant? The simple truth is that top management will take advice from an outside expert much more readily than they do from their own employees, which keeps the consultants happy.

# Celebrate a Victory

In sports and in war it is said that a good offense is the best defense. It is on this premise that the Last Minute Manager bases the highly effective Celebrate a Victory technique. The essence of this technique is that by openly declaring and ardently celebrating a victory, the Last Minute Manager announces to the world that he or she has accomplished something and is due some recognition.

Celebrating a victory not only creates the impression that the task has been accomplished, but that it has been done in the desired manner. Thus, even if the outcome was late, ineffective, or not even completed, a celebration will give the impression that everything came our as planned and produced a worthwhile outcome. Celebrating a victory will also make a statement about the value of the outcome. The larger the celebration the more valuable the accomplishment will appear to those witnessing the victory celebration.

This technique is most effective when done by a group of Last Minute Managers. The group approach gives the victory celebration more exposure and also more credibility. This method also makes the victory announcement seem less self-serving than when an individual conducts their own celebration. By giving your subordinates accolades during the celebration, you encourage their support and appear to outside observers to be exercising good management traits. It is vital to use this technique when it is public knowledge that you have embarked on a project and everyone is waiting to see how it came out. Failure to provide a celebration here could give the impression that nothing of value came about or that the project was not completed.

Your chance of being exposed for unjustly celebrating a victory is relatively slim, since most people are either indifferent, uninformed or too polite to question your celebration. There is also a growing group of Last Minute Managers who use this same technique and who won't rain on your parade if you don't rain on theirs. You should avoid tipping off your boss about the celebration before it is under way and can be couched as a surprise for the boss. If you give the boss a lot of complements about how their support and backing played a major role in the success of the project, they will be less inclined to object once it is under way. It would also be considered bad for the boss to pull the rug out from under you during the celebration. If they don't do it then, it will be more difficult for them to chastise you later.

It is this basic approach which forms the basis for much of the new product and new program advertising which we see everyday in magazines, newspapers, and the internet and hear on the radio or television. The usual claim is that the manufactures of "Product A" are are proud to announce "Advanced Formula A", a new breakthrough in dental hygiene; or "New and Improved Product B", which will now get your wash even cleaner than before; or Ajax Motors announces the "Revolutionary New Model C", the car that makes all other cars obsolete.

It has always amazed me that a television network would advertise a new program or series as being the number one rated program on the air when it hadn't even aired yet. If the public hasn't seen the program yet, how could it be the most watched or most popular new series on television? It also begs the question of who is rating this program -- the people who produced it or the network on which it is being aired? Not that we would think these folks would be biased or not be objective in such ratings.

Don't overlook the obvious, like the bakers who slice their bread thinner and then claim they have successfully reduced the number of calories per slice without changing the taste. These examples are the "reputable" businesses; the cheap mail order ones are even more misleading. The Last Minute Manager should seriously consider using the Celebrate a Victory technique, but remember the story of _The King's New Clothes_ - sometimes it only takes one disbeliever to really leave you exposed.

# Concentrate on the Process

The Last Minute Manager, like the burglar and the magician, knows his or her job can be made much easier by creating a diversion. Through this process, the Last Minute Manager is able to direct the attention of any observers away from what is really happening through the wonders of administrative subterfuge.

For the Last Minute Manager the **process** represents an excellent diversion from the **issue**. If, for example, we are able to get everyone to concentrate on our recommended process for revising the budget, we may be able to completely avoid the basic question of whether there is any need to revise the budget. By using an acceptable and time honored process, the Last Minute Manager can distance themselves from the decision or outcome of the process, even if the responsibility for the outcome falls clearly in their assigned area. So, if someone does not like how the revised budget came out, the Last Minute Manager can just point to the process and not have to take the heat from the unhappy party.

The beauty of using the process as the diversion is that for every issue there is a companion process, which saves the Last Minute Manager the trouble of looking elsewhere to find a diversion which can compete with the basic issue. The trick is to get the observers to concentrate on the process part of the topic rather than on the issue component. By doing so, the Last Minute Manager is able to consistently avoid the important issues while appearing to deal with very current and vital topics.

For example, when I submitted my doctoral dissertation I was much more concerned about how the clerk in the graduate school office would respond to the format and margins of the document (process) than I was about the panel of professors who would question me about my research, findings and calculations (issue). In another situation, I and two of my business partners submitted a very lengthy patent application to the U.S. Patent Office. The most difficulty we had was in making sure that the format and clarity of the drawings were pristine, not that the concepts, design, and calculations were correct or that the invention would work as designed. Anyone who has dealt with any large commercial or public entity knows the most important part is in the paperwork and that the proper forms, typeface, spelling, number of copies and routing of the documents are much more important than the content of the report or submission.

The reason for this bureaucratic reality is that it is much easier to look at the details and procedures which are highly objective and measurable than it is to look at content or concept which is more subjective and, thus, more difficult to understand and evaluate. In the example given above, the professors judging a complicated doctoral dissertation would need to have years of training and preparation to understand and evaluate the content while the clerk in the graduate school office would only need a ruler and five minutes of training.

As indicated above, concentrating on the process is an effective method to draw attention away from a solution which the Last Minute Manager may wish to play down. Thus, by highlighting the process that the individual or group went through to develop the decision or recommendation, we imply that the process is the crucial factor and relegate the outcome to the status of a dependent variable.

The process diversion technique can be used for both future and previous outcomes. The Last Minute Manager knows this modern shell game can be counted on to "fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time"; which according to Mark Twain, is about the best you can hope for since "you can't fool all of the people all of the time".

# Confuse the Issue

If your procrastination and task avoidance skills have not enabled you to delay, defer, or ignore some of your more troublesome management problems, you may need to resort to one of the most effective techniques of Last Minute Management - confusion. The essence of the confusion technique is built around the theory that it's difficult to hit a moving target. Thus, most rational people will not take a critical stand against something until they understand the current state of affairs.

This technique provides an effective defense without creating resistance from fellow Last Minute Managers. Since the whole idea is to create so much disarray that nobody knows what is supposed to be done, by whom, or at what time; there is no one to blame. Thus, the confusion technique is exceptionally effective when done by several Last Minute Managers within the same organization. This way they can work together to magnify the confusion and at the same time vouch for the others credibility.

Central to this technique is the fact that Last Minute Management is a defensive style, which stresses cooperation and survival rather than competition and confrontation. In fact, the more managers, especially Last Minute Managers, there are in an organization the easier it is to dilute the responsibility any manager has, the more impersonal the system becomes, and the more channels there are to house projects in transit to somewhere from somewhere else.

If you are the only Last Minute Manager around, you may need to resort to use a special solo approach to this technique. Under this approach you should use double-talk and catch phrases, then capitalize on people's reluctance to admit they don't understand. Veteran Last Minute Managers are even able to increase confusion under the guise of clarifying the situation.

# Declare Professional Bankruptcy

When a business finds itself in a position where its liabilities exceed its assets and where there does not appear to be any prospect that this situation can be reversed in the immediate future, the business may find it advantageous to file for bankruptcy. By declaring bankruptcy the business avoids being ripped apart by the consequences of its own failure.

Like the failing business, the Last Minute Manager may find himself or herself in a position where it is obvious they have overextended themselves beyond the point of probable recovery. At this point it becomes advantageous for the Last Minute Manager to declare professional bankruptcy. Unlike the financial bankruptcy, however, professional bankruptcy may be filed verbally in private with no publicity or public notices. In fact, the only person who may be aware of the declaration is the Last Minute Manager's immediate superior, who is usually the one who holds most of the markers for unfulfilled performance.

As with commercial bankruptcy, all of the assets and liabilities are turned over to a third party who intervenes for the bankrupt party and discharges the debts with whatever assets are available. The assets in the case of a professional bankruptcy are the partially completed portions of the projects which are the outstanding obligations. The obvious advantage is that once the action has been taken, the Last Minute Manager is free of all of the backlogged work which led to the declaration.

If the bankruptcy is self-initiated, it will usually not result in the Last Minute Manager's dismissal, regardless of how large a backlog the disclosure reveals. The bankruptcy technique not only allows you to start over again with a clean slate, but will, in most cases, result in your superiors going easy on you for a while so that you don't get yourself back in trouble again.

# Disassociate Everything

One of the very best ways to cover your tracks and survive is to disassociate your actions from one another and from the consequences of those actions. This approach will enable you to take each situation in stride and to pursue the course of action which seems prudent at the time, without having to worry about the repercussions of those actions on future circumstances.

In essence, this ability, if properly mastered, can enable you to constantly have a very comfortable position on what might otherwise amount to a frustrating dilemma. For example, you may have taken a strong stand on consistency and strict adherence to rules, but also come out in favor of bending the rules when convenient or propitious. If you refuse to acknowledge this inconsistency, you may be able to espouse both positions.

Psychologists tell us that it is not possible for us to hold two opposing viewpoints at the same time. We can, however, come close to that position, without disturbing our mental balance, by consciously avoiding the comparison of the previous opinions, statements, and actions with our current viewpoints, remarks, and circumstances. Although it is more difficult to get others to overlook our previous position, it is certainly not impossible.

Refusal to recognize the cause and effect relationships associated with your actions and decisions will enable you to register a complaint about those outcomes and blame them on someone else. Veteran Last Minute Managers know that the most effective way to accomplish this task is to be very adamant about your latest position and very critical about your previous position. This process will lead most people to believe that you couldn't possibly have held an opposing viewpoint at an earlier time. So you may be able "to have your cake and eat it too", just make sure you don't leave any crumbs around to give you away.

# Feign an Apology

When we were young and had an altercation with a sibling, a friend, or a classmate because we had hurt them physically or emotionally, the adult in charge would make us apologize for our transgression. Once that apology had been tenured then the matter was resolved and no longer a cause for retaliation or recrimination. If the injured party were to try and get back at us or even bring up the incident, it would be inconsiderate and they would be guilty of re-energizing the conflict.

In our modern and more civilized society there is no more eye for an eye or tooth for a tooth retribution. If I broke something of yours, I would only need to apologize, show remorse and perhaps promise not to do it again. For most folks it is hard to admit that they were wrong and grovel for forgiveness, because it would be an affront to their pride and self image. The Last Minute Manager has neither so it is very easy to feign an apology to square the deal and be off the hook for any retribution.

Once the apology has been accepted by the injured party the situation is considered resolved and put to rest. If the apology is not accepted by the injured party, then they are considered to be unreasonable and the one who will not agree to a peaceful resolution. Thus, if the Last Minute Manager is the villain in the situation and is proven to be guilty, then their apology is payment in full for the transgression and they can move ahead with a clear slate and a clear conscience.

The resourceful Last Minute Manager will use the Feign an Apology technique to take advantage of a co-worker without having to worry about any adverse consequences as a result. This in effect gives he or she a get out of jail free pass like the one they used to get when they were playing Monopoly as a child. The Last Minute Manager will usually be very good at feigning a very heartfelt and emotional apology because of all the practice they get.

# Locate a Loophole

Instructions, directives, procedures, and guidelines must be reduced to writing before they can be conveyed. Regardless of how detailed the language and how meticulous the authors are at preparing and reviewing these communications, there are usually a few sections which can be interpreted in a manner other than the one intended. There may also be some inconsistency, which can be read into this guidance by the astute Last Minute Manager. This gap represents the proverbial loophole.

Once the loophole has been located it should be hidden, guarded, and embellished until it is ready to be used. The loophole is usually a strict or literal interpretation of the rules or instructions, although it can also be a gap in the instructions which leaves some doubt as to what is desired. Many lawyers have built an entire career out of finding loopholes which can support a lawsuit by a customer or consumer. That is why you will find tags and warnings that swallowing your pillow or spilling hot coffee on yourself can cause discomfort and possible injury. The presumption here is that the person purchasing the pillow or hot coffee would not be aware of these possibilities unless they were clearly addressed in writing.

The well prepared Last Minute Manager will always have a few choice loopholes identified on critical projects to justify taking the course of least resistance, or better yet, avoid taking any action at all pending a clarification of the instructions. Using the loophole technique is something that should be reserved for emergency circumstances, as this practice can be very annoying to your superiors and co-workers. If, however, you are already in hot water with these folks, this technique may be just what you're looking for to get you off the hook for a project you haven't completed according to expectations.

In most cases, a loophole can only be used once, as your superiors will usually close them up once they have been used. New loopholes will also be more difficult to find as your boss will begin to provide you with very detailed instructions on what you are to accomplish. To most Last Minute Managers, however, using a good loophole is like smoking a good cigar - much of the enjoyment is in knowing how much it offends everyone around them.

# Reorganize Your Department

The very mention of reorganization will strike fear into the hearts of most Last Minute Managers, who live with the knowledge that the more things are shaken up the more chance they will gravitate toward the bottom of the heap. Or even worse, they may end up on the cutting room floor after all the fat has been trimmed from their organization. These are the threats of the externally imposed reorganization, however, not the one you initiate and control yourself.

The very act of reorganization will give you an aura of power and knowledge as you adjust the delicate balance of personalities, skills, and relationships. Like the scientist, you are experimenting to find that precise combination which will produce the desired results. The fact that you have initiated a reorganization shows that you realize there are problems in your operation. It also demonstrates that you are constantly striving for improvement and that you have both the resolve and creativity to bring about the necessary changes.

At the very least, your reorganization will buy you some time while you implement and test the results of your new plan. It will also insure that someone else is not experimenting with your organization, especially in a way which could adversely impact your position. A real advantage to the reorganization technique is that there are so many possible combinations of structures and matches between people and positions, the process can be continued almost indefinitely to achieve the best configuration.

As long as you are able to credit the outcome of your reorganization with divulging some important information about the organization or the incumbents, you neither have to apologize for the results of the last organization nor justify the purposes for the next attempt. Keeping things in a constant state of flux will also give you an excuse for low performance, because everyone is just getting used to their new functions, relationships, and responsibilities.

# Take a Dive

Ethics and a sense of fair play may be concealing one of the most effective techniques you have at your disposal to receive administrative absolution for your Last Minute Management. Have you ever noticed the reaction when a football player is injured and forced to leave the game? He almost always gets a hearty round of applause and usually a standing ovation as well. It doesn't matter which team he is on, how long he has been in the game, how well he has been playing, or even how serious the injury. It doesn't even matter if he was injured trying to clip an opposing player.

Once a player has been taken out of the game they can be absolved of any mistakes they might have made if they continued to play. Speculation about how they would have played will usually be positive and they will have tapped into the sympathy factor from their fans and opponents as well. If their team loses the game, it is because they were so important that their absence weakened the team. If their team wins, it just shows how their team rallied behind the injured player and played even harder than before.

Now even though the managerial realm is a hazardous one fraught with perils, those dangers are mainly mental rather than physical. Thus, when a manager is "taken out of the game" it is usually due to stress or a stress related malady and not a physical injury. The reaction is the same, however, and you will be treated as a hero, injured honorably on the field of battle. You will normally be able to convalesce without having to deal with the stressful situations which led to your condition and allowed to get back in the saddle at your own speed.

Every individual has a limit as to how far he or she can be pushed or pulled before they breakdown and that range varies widely. It is, therefore, difficult to tell at what point an individual will go over the edge. A mental breakdown can also be as difficult to verify as a neck injury. Most people are also cautious enough about the dangers of stress to give you the benefit of the doubt when you demonstrate the symptoms.

Not only does your self-diagnosed tension put you in line for a little attention, time off, and possibly some careful handling - it will also give you some points for being important enough, busy enough, and dedicated enough to suffer from stress in the first place. It's sort of like having the royal disease.

# Throw a Tantrum

If you don't know what a tantrum is, you haven't spent enough time in a supermarket. In this environment there will usually be at least one child who is throwing a temper tantrum at any one time. Even if this is in some remote corner of the store, it can be heard by everyone else in the store. Why would a child throw a tantrum when they could convey their request in a much more congenial manner?

Wouldn't telling their mother that they would like her to buy them a particular item or take them home in a calm and pleasant way get the message across just as well? The answer is maybe. For that reason the child may make the first request in a polite way to see if their request will be honored. If not, they can then go into a pre-tantrum mode and restate their request in a more urgent and boisterous manner. If the second request is not effective, then the full blown temper tantrum may be the child's last ditch attempt to get their way.

This method is often effective because the child has the parent at a definite disadvantage. It is not the child who becomes embarrassed by the scene created, it is the parent who appears to be treating their child badly. Since all the observers have no idea what the commotion is all about, they will often think the parent is mistreating the child. Until the child calms down the parent is on display as a bad parent who has an out of control child. If the parent screams back at the child or punishes the child while they are still in the store, then they appear to be an even worse parent.

One option the parent has is to leave the full basket of groceries in the store and drag the screaming child out of the store and back to the car. This not only nullifies all of the shopping effort put forth before the tantrum, it also makes everyone in the parking lot aware of the undignified parent and the unruly child. The easiest way for the parent to gain composure and not become a spectacle to the other adults is to accede to the child's demands and quiet them down. Even if the child does not get their way, they may be promised a compromise alternative, such as an ice cream cone on the way home if they behave themselves. Hence the effectiveness of the tantrum as a way to get your way or a compromise reward.

The Last Minute Manager can use the same basic approach to getting their way at the office. However, this technique can only be used when their is a higher level manager around to function in the role of the parent. Here the Last Minute Manager uses the same three step approach to get their way on an item being discussed at a meeting or in the boss's office. The superior is like the parent and does not want to have an argument or confrontation between two subordinates nor even the appearance of disharmony with one of their subordinate managers. Stomping out of a meeting or out of the boss's office does not look good for the boss and the boss is the one who is probably most concerned with their image and their ability to run a smooth operation.

# Write a Report

Remember when you were in high school and were worried about the grade you were getting in a particular subject? One of the things which you could usually do was write a report for extra credit which would help to offset some of the poor work you had been doing on the regular assignments. You may also remember that you were allowed to write on anything which interested you and could be remotely related to the subject being studied. Of course the best part was that the grade you received was probably determined more by the size of your report than by the value of the content, the accuracy of the information, or the quality of the composition.

Well some things never change and the Last Minute Manager can probably still compensate for poor work on the job just like he or she did back in school. Not only does the opportunity still exist, but the ground rules are still surprisingly consistent with the high school example. In most cases, the Last Minute Manager will still be able to pick the topic and probably be allowed considerable latitude in relating the report subject to the job. Best of all the value of the report will be largely judged on the same criteria - size, style, and neatness. Some world class Last Minute Managers have actually submitted the same reports they prepared back in high school.

You may have suspected that your old high school teacher didn't actually read your reports but merely skimmed through them or weighted them before assigning a grade. Your current superiors can probably be counted on to exhibit a similar degree of interest in and scrutiny of your business reports. It should be obvious at this point that you need to make your report as dull, incoherent, and inconclusive as possible; since only those people who finish your report, understand it, and disagree with your conclusions, will bother to make critical observations.

Having completed the Cover Your Tracks chapter you are now familiar with those techniques which will enable you to defend against any prior errors and omissions. You are now ready to move ahead and learn the techniques that prepare the Last Minute Manager to cope with those problems likely to be encountered during a routine day at the office. In this chapter we will concentrate on the perils of the present. Mastery of these techniques will enable you to keep your oar in the water without rocking the boat and also without having to pull your weight. Remember that these techniques are designed to be implemented in the defensive or passive mode only and more than marginal effort may invalidate the process.

Throughout this chapter you will see reference made to win-win situations. These are circumstances under which the proper application of the technique will result in a double benefit. For example, the recommended approach may enable the Last Minute Manager to both avoid the work involved and at the same time create a more positive image. Win-win combinations are also available to improve comfort, security, status, and several other Last Minute Manager priorities. After all, survival shouldn't be so fast paced that it can't be accomplished in first gear.

# Appoint a Committee

Certainly one of the most valuable tools available to the Last Minute Manager is the committee. The essence of this worth is that the committee can be enlisted on the basis of one of our most trusted social values - democracy. As a society we abhor unfairness and distrust power. Since we have difficulty defining something as general and subjective as fairness, we must debate this issue anytime we need to have a fair solution. Since you can't debate anything without more than one person and you can't motivate a debate between even two people without an audience, you need to appoint a committee. The committee also satisfies another objective we have as a society - to make sure power does not fall into the hands of an individual, who might disburse it in only one direction.

To the Last Minute Manager the committee represents an exceptional tool for responsibility dilution in the effective win-win mode. Thus, for a Last Minute Manager to get rid of responsibility for a project he or she does not have to force it onto a fellow Last Minute Manager who doesn't want it either. Instead a committee can be formed to handle the problem. It should be obvious that the size of the committee should be sufficient to disburse responsibility so that no one has enough to be accountable.

If the Last Minute Manager has the committee elect a chairman other than himself or herself, he or she then has the ability to further distance himself or herself from the action or recommendation if it turns out to be unsatisfactory. Having encouraged the committee to elect a chairman also makes the Last Minute Manager appear to be a very democratically minded manager and not a controlling one. If the action or recommendation of the committee ends up being positive, then the Last Minute Manager can take credit for having appointed the right people and given them the right guidance to produce the favorable outcome.

Large committees have the added benefit of requiring a conference room which adds an air of importance to the assignment and usually to the comfort of the setting as well. Again a win-win situation. Large committees also provide the maximum ratio of management employees to projects and improves the employment opportunities for Last Minute Managers. In this regard, Last Minute Managers should appoint each other to as many committees as possible. Remember, committees consume time, displace work, dilute responsibility and isolate you from the real world.

# Be a Chameleon

The chameleon is able to protect itself from its predators by changing color to blend in with its surroundings. The Last Minute Manager has also found this to be an effective technique to use for survival in the management realm. Unlike the soldier or the athlete who must wear a uniform to declare to all on which side his or her loyalties lie, the Last Minute Manager can go with the flow and always be accepted by the group they find themselves in at the time. This allows you to always be on the prevailing side.

Perhaps the best illustration of this technique is the rhetoric ritual of the politician during the campaigning season. To insure their survival, politicians will adjust their rhetoric, mannerisms, and dress to make themselves blend in with the group they are addressing at the time. The successful politician and the successful Last Minute Manager both know that a great deal of skill is necessary to make this approach work in the age of mass communications, open meetings, cell phone video recorders, and various blog video postings. Thus, the degree of specificity will be inversely proportional the the heterogeneity of the group and the chance that the message will be seen or heard by those outside of the group being addressed.

When confronted by a group which includes more than one viewpoint, the Last Minute Manager should be very general and use words like "best, right, fair, and appropriate" to define their positions on the issues at hand. They can then define those terms to each constituency individually at a later time. Another method is to make seemingly pointed statements such as "I think I've already made my position abundantly clear on this point" or "I'm for the underdog under most circumstances". The skillful Last Minute Manager will explain in advance to each group why he or she will need to avoid a public position on the issue until the right time. Under no circumstance should you show your true colors until you can clearly see which group will prevail.

# Byte Your Baud

In a world rapidly becoming inundated with computers and computer technology, the Last Minute Manager can't afford to be among the few remaining computer illiterates in the management ranks. Besides, the computer presents an excellent vehicle for obfuscation in the impressive high tech mode. Essentially there are three types of attitudes which people hold about computers and the role they play in modern business operations.

First, there are the Luddites who don't like computers, distrust them, and resist their use for virtually any application. Thus, when dealing with these people, the Last Minute Manager can always excuse his or her work for being late, inaccurate, or confusing on the basis that a computer somewhere in the system was the cause. This group will be easily convinced and eager to support that excuse, because it supports and reinforces their position.

Second, there are those who are captivated by computers and feel they should be used for any application for which they can be technically configured. In dealing with this group, the Last Minute Manager can take advantage of this attitude by delaying deadlines until the information can be processed by the computer or until the necessary programs can be written or modified. This group also believes that anything reflected on a computer printout has a credibility not achievable by mere mortals with their manual methods. This philosophy enables the Last Minute Manager to in effect launder inaccurate information by having it processed by a computer and emerge as factual data.

Last, there are those who have no particular aversion or attraction to computers and regard them as merely tools to make people more (excuse the term) productive. They also know about garbage in - garbage out. This philosophy does not compute as it runs counter to the Last Minute Manager's basic program.

# Consider Everything

It is common knowledge that a good manager should consider all of the options and everyone's opinions before they make a decision, issue a directive, or make a recommendation. That is the beauty of this technique and what makes it a very attractive win-win approach to several situations the Last Minute Manager may find themselves in at the office.

Most managers will take all of the options and opinions into consideration before they render a decision or choose a course of action. The difference is that from that point the effective manager will go through a process of eliminating options so they can narrow down the options and finally come up with the best alternative. If they are working with a committee, they will first work with the group to identify all of the possible items to be considered. However, then they will then start the process of eliminating the least favorable options and continue to work toward a solution.

The Last Minute Manager knows that this could lead to a lose-lose situation. The first loss would be that once a decision is reached it may still turn out badly and the Last Minute Manager could be identified with the bad solution. The second loss would be that as soon as the problem is resolved the Last Minute Manager will be assigned a new project which will take time and effort to accomplish or dodge.

However, if the Last Minute Manager is able to continue to add alternatives and considerations rather than to eliminate them, they can then continue to work the same assignment without either reaching any conclusion or having to be assigned a new project. If questioned about the lack of progress or lack of direction their group is taking, they can explain they are just trying to be thorough and not rush into a solution which has not taken all possible alternatives into consideration and weighted them properly.

# Convene a Meeting

Even if you are not in a position to appoint a committee, you may be able to call a meeting, recommend that a meeting be called, or at least have an item added to the agenda of a regular meeting. There are essentially three kinds of meetings which you should consider. The first type is the standing committee meeting, which offers the advantages of formality, slowness, and rigidity. Using the standing committee can effectively derail an idea or a project for a long time, but you will need an inside track. The second is the ad hoc meeting which offers the Last Minute Manager the advantage of being able to push through items or force a compromise by using delay against those who want to rap up the issue and disband the task force. The third is the staff meeting which can also be effective if you use the natural splits and political pressure points of the organization to achieve your objectives.

Regardless of the type, the meeting offers the Last Minute Manager a stay of execution on any assignment, problem, or decision until after the meeting for which this item has been scheduled. Thus, when questioned by a superior about the status of the project, the Last Minute Manager can respond "I've called a meeting on the 25th to discuss that issue" or "I've had that item added to the agenda of next week's staff meeting" or "I've arranged to attend the next meeting of my professional group and hope to have more information on this subject after I return from that meeting".

The same explanations provided in the proceeding paragraph can be applied to the next iteration of the project, which is the follow up meeting where the project is to be wrapped up. The main rules to observe when you apply this technique is to keep the concept vague, the alternatives open, and avoid any summarization which could suggest a conclusion. Also make sure the minutes of the meeting indicate an unspecified group will caucus to look into the matter further and report back at a future meeting.

# Defend Your Turf

Much of the efforts of the Last Minute Manager are directed at avoiding the responsibilities which are normally expected in a responsible position. In some cases these responsibilities will be neglected and in other cases they be be temporarily assumed by someone else who just wants to get the job done without a protracted delay. However, in a few cases the individual who steps in and accomplishes the job wants to get credit for that accomplishment or worse yet wants to hang onto the responsibility on a permanent basis.

While having someone else give you a hand on a project or even doing the project for you doesn't present a problem, losing the responsibility from your job description can be extremely hazardous to your wealth. One way to avoid this possibility is to make sure to either split up the amount of work you foist on any one person for a given project or at least make sure and alternate an ongoing project between different people so that no one person develops enough expertise and confidence on a given project to warrant having that item reassigned to them on a permanent basis.

One way to avoid giving credit and recognition to someone for one of your projects is to give credit and recognition to them and all others who were even remotely associated with the project. If the credit is spread equally, it will dilute the credit received by the individual most responsible and, therefore, nullify his or her advantage. For example suppose that John is responsible for 90% of the work on one of your projects, that you are responsible for 5% and five other people have contributed about 1% each. You should publicly recognize, verbally or by memo, the efforts of the six people who assisted you and contributed so much to the project. Remember that being a Last Minute Manager is much like being a landholder, it's fine to let others sharecrop, but don't relinquish ownership.

# Do Something

Initially this charge can be quite unsettling to the new Last Minute Manager, since it appears he or she is being put on the spot to abandon the very tenets of Last Minute Management and produce results. To the veteran Last Minute Manager, however, this threat is diffused by the knowledge that any action is acceptable, as long as it can be remotely associated with the problem at hand. Being an astute student of human nature and organizational behavior, the Last Minute Manager knows that as a society, we empathize with the marginal performer, recognize effort as equivalent to results, and find it more comfortable to base our judgments upon objective measures of quantifiable volume rather than on subjective assignments of qualitative value, with results, output, or value added being a bonus by-product, which may from time-to-time emerge from the process.

I first became aware of this technique as a young college student. I was poor and had an old car which I used to get to my classes and the jobs I needed to put my way through school. When I had to have a friend jump start my car on a couple occasions I decided to take it to the local dealership and have it repaired. After running various tests they determined it needed a new generator. After having it repaired the car still wouldn't start properly. I then took it back to the dealership and they then determined that it needed a new voltage regulator which they proceeded to install. When the car still had the same problems with a new generator and voltage regulator they decided it just needed a new battery.

So I had spent time and money to have the entire electrical system repaired when it was just a bad battery. The dealership did not feel any responsibility or remorse for the incorrect recommendations they made or their inability to fix the problem the first or second time. In fact, they gained financially by selling unnecessary parts and having the additional work performed. They also charged me for labor time according to a predetermined schedule, not even the actual time they devoted to the repairs. Like with most services and employment arrangements, you end up paying for the effort not the results.

My last foray into this situation was when a fairly expensive camera which had worked fine for sixteen months started to malfunction. I took it back to the store where I bought it and was informed that since the purchase was made over ninety days ago they could not take it back. They did refer me to their free concierge service which could help me solve the problem. After wading through their automatic sorting menus to get to the person who dealt with cameras, I was asked to provide a considerable amount of personal data as well as the brand, model and serial number of the camera. With that the concierge technician assigned me a case number. She then had me remove and reinsert the battery, which was something I had already done prior to taking it back to the store. She then surmised that it may need to be repaired and indicated that she would set up a conference call with a technical specialist from the manufacturer.

The manufacturer's technician asked me all of the same questions the other technician had asked and assigned me another case number. She then had me remove and reinsert the battery. When that did not fix the problem she also surmised that it would probably need to be repaired, but informed me that the camera was past the one year warranty period and that I would have to pay for the repairs myself. I asked her if there was any way to estimate the cost of the repairs before I had them done. She told me I could get an estimate of the repair costs and instructions for the repair procedure on their website. She gave me the website address to their online repair processing page. After logging on to this site and entering all of the same information into the appropriate blocks of their form, it informed me that this camera was no longer under warranty and did not give me an estimate or instructions on how to get the camera repaired.

The point here is not the hour I spent trying unsuccessfully to resolve the problem, it is that two different technicians had neither solved the problem nor referred me to someone else who could. However, they had both assigned case numbers loaded with data and justified their employment metrics. The web site had also logged a hit proving that it was vital and being used. So a lot of time, effort and expense had been consumed and yet nothing had been accomplished. On another occasion when I was trying to get technical information from a manufacturer's representative in India, the technician could not help me and then at the end of the session asked me if he could be of any further assistance. I allowed that since he had not provided any assistance at all, providing any additional assistance would literally be impossible.

This relieves a great deal of stress which could normally be associated with evaluating the situation, determining the problem, developing an effective solution, and implementing that solution. Instead, the Last Minute Manager can eliminate the first three steps and implement a solution which is convenient and comfortable. Throughout this book you will be given various courses that the Last Minute Manager may pursue to satisfy this imperative for action. It must be stressed, that the Last Minute Manager should pursue this course even in those circumstances when real production could be obtained with no increase in effort. While not injurious in the short run, such compromises can lead to heightened expectations and foster an erosion of the Last Minute Manager's highly developed skill at work avoidance. Consider that if they ever offer a Nobel Prize for survival, you'll be ready.

# Drag Your Feet

Much of the knack of being a Last Minute Manager lies in the timing. Unlike the wall plaques which admonish the reader to "do it now", the Last Minute Manager always resists the urge to act prematurely; in fact a veteran Last Minute Manager may even be able to avoid acting at all. Consider the following factors.

First, many actions have to be redone because someone thought the action could be improved. If the individual or group had waited to take the initial action until the last minute, there would not have been any time to try again and much work and worry would have been saved. Second, if you wait until the last minute, the expectation of your work will be very low and the fact that you got anything done will be in your favor. If you started early and completed the work long before the deadline, the expectation will be very high because the presumption is you couldn't improve on the action taken even though there was time available to do so. Third, if you let the others go first, you can benefit from their mistakes and give advice based on 20/20 hindsight. After all if someone is going to be a Monday morning quarterback, it might as well be you. Fourth, if the action you are to take is a decision or recommendation, the longer you delay in making a decision the better the information you will have available and the more confident you can be in the decision, presuming one is still needed by then.

It also goes without saying that if you complete the action early, you will just be assigned another one or two in the time you had available for the initial action. Since your salary or hourly wage is not tied to productivity, you will have worked harder and not be any better off financially. If you consistently produce results quickly and correctly, your regular scheduled responsibilities will usually increase. You may also wind up getting assignments in addition to the regularly scheduled ones which have not been completed, or not been completed satisfactorily, by another Last Minute Manager. Even though the quick and accurate performer may get promoted to another position, they will probably put another fast track employee in the vacated position who can take the pressure off you and insure your survival.

It is like the story of _The Tortoise and the Hare_ , only here it is the tortoise who stops and naps, not the hare. You will probably be held in high esteem by the hare, since you made his or her race much easier. The hare might, therefore, tell everyone what a worthy advisory you were and how well you performed. To relate that you were a lazy pushover, would diminish their accomplishment. Also if the organization ever needed to lay people off, the tortoise would provide a safety net for the hare.

Once you have seen the advantages of procrastination, there are many techniques which you can use to delay actions without having them recognized as procrastination. The skillful Last Minute Manager will not only be able to delay the action, but will be able to appear to be excessing good judgment, prudence, insight, and consideration in the process. It should be pointed out that even though procrastination is a time proven and highly acceptable management tool, you should never admit that you are delaying the action intentionally.

# Find an Obstacle

We all know what an obstacle is. It's something which gets in our way and keeps us from accomplishing what we started out to achieve. Now why would a Last Minute Manager want to seek out an obstacle?

When an obstacle is encountered, most people will abandon the project and start something else which is easier. A few will try for a limited time to get around the obstacle and then give up if they are unsuccessful. Of course there are the die-hards, who have more tenacity than intelligence and just keep banging into the obstacle until someone rescues them. Finally, there are those very rare people who have the ingenuity, persistence, and commitment to find a way around, through, or over the obstacle so they can achieve their objective. It is the folklore of this later group which forms the core image of the manager as someone who is goal oriented and an effective problem solver.

According to Last Minute Manager philosophy, virtually any project, especially a large and complex one, will contain at least one obstacle and all but a few people will eventually abandon the project. Also the largest and least anticipated obstacles will be found in the far reaches of the project and will only be encountered after much of the project has already been completed.

Now enter the Last Minute Manager, who is long on insight and short on ambition. He or she knows they will probably run into an obstacle toward the end of any project and abandon the project and all of the work without anything to show for the effort. To avoid this obvious waste, the Last Minute Manager searches out the probable obstacle before a great deal of effort has been invested in the project. Instead of wasting time on the project, the Last Minute Manager uses this time to develop a polished rationale for giving up on the project. At least this way you have a decent excuse to show for your effort.

# Hide

Remember when you were a child and your mother was looking for you to give you some work or perhaps to scold you for something that you had done wrong? Now even though hiding from her didn't really solve the problem, the work occasionally got done by someone else and sometimes the reason for the scolding had been forgotten by the time you emerged from your hiding place. You also had plenty of time to think up a good excuse.

Most adults overlook this technique as a way to avoid making decisions and taking other distasteful actions which impact their comfort and security. The Last Minute Manager knows that if you are available, you can only avoid work by clever deception or fast talk. If you are unavailable, however, you can passively avoid the action and also avoid the confrontations. Moreover, you improve your posture, since you can always talk about the decisive action you would have taken and bemoan the fact that you were not available to handle the situation at the time.

Unavailability not only gives you an excellent excuse for not having taken any action, it also relegates the lack of action to a lower priority than the implied action. If you are in your office and can't be disturbed, you imply you are doing something important. If you are away from the office, you imply you have important things to attend to elsewhere.

The actual importance of your implied actions can later be supplied, in general terms, after you find out what action you avoided and, therefore, what importance you have to top. For example a few comments made to a stranger on the street can become an initial contact with a prospective client, a rumor confided at the water cooler can become a confidential discussion with an employee, and a trip to the restroom can be cited as an urgent matter requiring your personal attention.

# Hold a Hostage

Political radicals and bank robbers are just finding out what Last Minute Managers have known all along. You can use hostages to gain a payoff or concession which you could not otherwise acquire. Even in those cases where the desired payoff or concession could be achieved without taking a hostage, it becomes easier and quicker than doing it in the normal manner. But you say taking hostages can be very dangerous and stressful and that doesn't sound like a Last Minute Manager.

Well a Last Minute Manager is not going to hold an individual or group against their will, mess around with firearms or explosives, and certainly not put themselves in the cross hairs of a police swat team. The hostage doesn't have to be a person or a group, it can be a thing like safety or security. Let's say the Last Minute Manager wants a new alarm system to insure the safety and security of their workplace. Even though they may be able to take actions which would improve the safety and security of the workplace without the electronic system, they tell their superiors that they have made a recommendation and request which will avoid the potential disaster. If the request is not approved, then the consequences of a disaster or security breach is on the head of those who denied the request.

In the case of the criminal hostage taker, they tell the police that if they don't get their demands they will kill one hostage per hour until the demands are met. That way they relegate their actions as the dependent variable or the automatic response and the actions taken by the police as the independent variable or the discretionary choice. Thus, if hostages are harmed or killed it is because of the actions of the police not the hostage holder. Getting the other party to accept full responsibility for the potential hazard is key to the successful application of the Hold a Hostage technique.

A good example of this technique is when a union makes a salary or benefit demand from management. Here the union threatens to call a strike or goes on strike until their demands are met. Those same union officials will often try and get the public, especially those who would be most effected, to put pressure on management to grant the demands so that the products or services which are impacted will not create a problem for everyone. The most recognized and responsible party is always the one on whom the public relies to remedy the situation. That would be the police or management, not the hostage holder or the union.

The resourceful Last Minute Manager will be able to create the threat of some unfavorable outcome which will happen if their request or recommendation is not approved. Thus, he or she can start out with the outcome they would like and then come up with an unfavorable situation which will result from a denial of their request. Those who have always admonished you to never put the wagon before the horse are not recognizing this opportunity.

# Look Busy

As a child you were probably told to always try to create a good impression and that actions speak louder than words. Later you may have learned that looking busy was the way to stay out of trouble at home, at school, or at work. Most of the people who observe you in your working environment do not have any way to gauge the amount of work you do and will, therefore, be impressed by the amount of work you appear to be doing. The advantage to looking busy is that you not only get credit for being a hard charger, but your superiors will be reluctant to give you more work.

The veteran Last Minute Manager is highly skilled at paper shuffling, task simulation, management motion, and other forms of bureaucratic activity. To create a convincing impression, the Last Minute Manager must display both a hurried and deliberate approach to all observed activities. It is permissible to relax in your office when the door is closed, but you must make sure that an adequate amount of paperwork is available to readily move into a busy scene if you are interrupted.

Having the right props available helps to convey the impression that you are busy. A large stack of paper in your in-basket is always a convincing prop, as is a large amount of work on your desk. A stack of return call memos will also help to convince the casual vision that you are busy, but make sure to put the old ones on the bottom. Pulling your tie down, rolling up your sleeves, and having your hair messed up are always a good sign that you are overloaded with work. A full ashtray and a three-quarters cup of cold coffee are also an indication you are keeping your nose to the grindstone. When you are in the halls, make sure you walk at a fast pace and always have a purposeful and deliberate look on your face. If someone asks you what you are doing and you don't have a good explanation at hand, you can always say that you don't have time to explain.

# Lurk and Pounce

Your ability to catch someone in the act of doing something wrong justifies your management position, validates your objective take no prisoners management style and disguises your subversive intentions. It may also intimidate your subordinates and co-workers and cause them to give you a wide berth. However, it can generate a desire on the part of those on which you have pounced to get even, so make sure you follow all of the other Last Minute Management techniques so you do not leave yourself exposed for a counter attack.

Utilizing the Lurk and Pounce technique also justifies lots of rules, procedures, guidelines, and processes. This additional bureaucracy will give you a chance to build yourself into the process and make you seem important without requiring you to put forth any really creative effort. Remember that routine procedures are very easy to create, document, and enforce. Ideally the Last Minute Manager will focus the Lurk and Pounce technique on those who they do not like or who pose a threat to the Last Minute Manager or his or her survival.

The Last Minute Manager knows that helping get a subordinate or co-worker to correct a problem is not nearly as rewarding as catching the violator in the act of doing something wrong. After all you might not get any credit for the good deed, since neither you nor the perpetrator would be acknowledging the circumstances under this scenario. If everyone is busy attending to petty rules, procedures, guidelines and processes and worrying about being caught doing something wrong, they may not be any more creative or productive than you are and, thus, not make you look as bad.

The lurking component of the Lurk and Pounce technique is very important and improves the Last Minute Manager's ability to pounce successfully. Just as the highway patrolman would hide behind a billboard with his motorcycle to catch a speeding motorist by surprise, the Last Minute Manager should find places where they can inconspicuously hide and find employees doing something wrong. For example if they are just around the corner from the water cooler, they may be able to catch employees talking or loitering when they should be working. Another good location is close to the copy machine where they can catch an employee using company equipment and supplies for personal projects.

Catching superiors in these situations can also pay dividends to the Last Minute Manager who will just give a smile and a wink and then go back to their office and make a note, which they may be able to cash in at a later time. Thus, if the boss later catches the Last Minute Manager doing something wrong, or not doing anything at all, they will not rat each other out. Although some would consider this blackmail, the Last Minute Manager considers it reciprocity and another coin in their job security war chest.

Effective lurking also presents a win-win opportunity, as the Lurk and Pounce technique can be combined with the Hide technique to accomplish two techniques together. Thus, if the Last Minute Manager's boss finds him hiding, the Last Minute Manager can just explain that they have been concerned about employees violating some rule or regulation and are just putting themselves in a position to observe and correct the situation.

# Monunicate

Even fledgling Last Minute Managers know the problems encountered within their organization are almost always the result of their stupid associates or subordinates, who persist in doing things wrong. Of course the only way things are going to get straightened out is for the Last Minute Manager to let these jerks know how it should be done. To do this the Last Minute Manager must use his or her monunication skills.

Effective monunication skills are also vital to the Last Minute Manager as a vehicle to notify, alert, and inform his or her lazy subordinates about what they are to do and how the job is to be accomplished, step by step. Monunication is also the most effective way for the Last Minute Manager to warn these lazy subordinates about what will happen to them if they are not successful in meeting the desired standards and timeliness.

Compared to communication, monunication is much simpler, quicker, and more direct. Just cutting out the listening portion alone, reduces the time requirements in half, without any noticeable impact on the value of the monscussion. The time saved by eliminating feedback from the monuicatee, enables the monunicator to deliver the same message twice, essentially doubling the effectiveness of the monversation.

When the Last Minute Manager was a child, his parents talked and he listened. When he was a student, his teachers talked and he listened. When he was a private, his sergeant talked and he listened. Now he's the boss, so it's his turn to talk and everyone else's turn to listen. If you allow the other party to speak, the next thing they expect is for you to listen. If you listen, they will go one step farther and expect you to respond. Once you start responding, you have lost control and given the impression that you might consider another viewpoint.

# Run for Office

As indicated in the History of Last Minute Management section of this book, politics is often the ideal place for the Last Minute Manager to survive and practice the techniques which make up his or her signature style. However, the Run for Office technique espoused in this instance is for those Last Minute Managers who are employed outside of politics and can use this technique to ensure their survival within their organization and also to reduce their workload, again a win-win situation. This technique is put into effect by following the route described below.

If the Last Minute Manager doesn't already belong to some sort of professional association outside their organization they should consider joining or forming such an association. These associations are normally aligned with a specific professional function such as personnel officers, financial officers, purchasing officers, sales managers, etc. The first benefit of joining or establishing such an association is that it justifies time to get away from the office under the guise of keeping current with your profession and garnering ideas from your professional colleagues which will be beneficial to your organization.

The second benefit is that belonging to an outside association justifies taking trips to attend meetings and conferences with your company picking up the tab. If your association is resourceful it will schedule these meetings in places where the accommodations are very nice and the location provides a nice setting for time not spent in the official gatherings. Although an association for Last Minute Managers would not probably have such a designation, associations which include a large number of Last Minute Managers will provide the maximum amount of benefits and travel to work ratio.

The third benefit is that this will enable you to run for an office within that association. It is usually very easy to be elected or appointed to some office since they don't pay anything and most members will avoid accepting or running for these offices. Holding an office in your professional association also intimates that you are held in high esteem by your professional colleagues and brings prestige to your organization.

The added benefit of securing an office within your professional association is that it can be used to take even more time and travel away from your regular job. Within the association you can deflect those responsibilities which can't be delegated on the basis of your pressing workload in your regular job. It's called playing both ends against the middle and the Last Minute Manager has become an expert at doing that. 

# Use Social Media

Many of the techniques espoused in this book involve putting things in prospective from the Last Minute Manager's point of view and then to get the widest dissemination of that viewpoint to other folks. Social media tools such as Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, You Tube and various blogs are perfect for accomplishing this objective.

First, these resources enable you to expand your audience by adding friends or followers to an almost unlimited degree. Second, you are the one who writes the narrative so you are able to put whatever spin you wish on the news you convey. Everytime you post a new item it will instantly be disseminated to all your friends or followers who can offer their encouragement or empathy for your situation and their input will also be visible to all your other friends or followers.

These resources not only enable you to get your own account of those things you are involved with into the hands of a wide audience, but they also enable you to kiss-up to your superiors and other influential people who can influence your standing in your organization. Utilization of social media while in the office can sometimes be justified in terms of its applicability to your organization and keeping in touch with potential clients or supporters. Thus, the Last Minute Manager may be able to justify using company time and resources to pursue these activities.

# Watch a Clock

Clock watchers are employees who keep a constant watch on the clock so they don't miss any of their coffee break or lunch period and are ready to leave right at quitting time. Unlike clock watchers, who's image is tarnished by their preoccupation with the clock, the experienced Last Minute Manager is able to use time to his or her advantage by watching the clock with one eye and watching people with the other one. By coming to work a few minutes earlier and leaving a few minutes later than the rest of the employees, the Last Minute Manager gives the impression that he or she works longer hours than everyone else, without really putting in much more time than is required for their normal eight hour coffee break.

To make sure they do not set a pattern for others to come in early or stay late, the Last Minute Manager can make sure to get everyone else out at closing time by telling them they have put in a good days work and that you, the hard working Last Minute Manager, will close things up when you finally wrap things up many hours later. This not only gives everyone the impression the Last Minute Manager is a dedicated and hard working person, but that he or she is a very thoughtful and caring manager. To keep other employees from coming in early, the Last Minute Manager can lock the door after he or she arrives a few minutes early and leave those who don't have a key standing out in the cold until he or she opens the door at the regular starting time. Having the Last Minute Manager open the door from the inside gives the impression they have been there for a long time already and did not open the door for security reasons.

Another way to utilize this technique and help you give the impression you are definitely not a clock watcher, is to leave the lights on in your office after you have gone home. Thus, anyone leaving the building or passing by the building late at night will notice the light on in your office and assume you're burning the midnight oil again. If you tip the cleaning lady, she will turn the light off when she has finished her shift and also cover for you should someone inquire as to your whereabouts. Knowing the cleaning lady will also pay dividends when you mention to the boss at lunch about nice old Mrs. Frump the cleaning lady who you have become so well acquainted with while you are working into the evening.

Another effective deception is the two car switcharoo. This is accomplished by acquiring and becoming identified with an old car which you leave at work parked conspicuously near the main entrance. You actually get to work with a second car which you park in a less conspicuous location. Since your old car will be there early in the morning, late at night, and even on weekends, it provides further proof of your dedication. The old car also helps to convey the impression you are underpaid and need a raise.

In the first two chapters you learned how to deal with the past and how to cope with the present. In this chapter you will learn how to effect the future. This chapter is, thus, the advanced portion of Last Minute Management. These techniques reward those who have crested the hill of survival by providing a mechanism by which you can grease the skids for tomorrow and, thereby, coast for a while. As in chapter two, you will see several techniques which offer a win-win approach to various situations - essentially giving you double bonus points.

Because the techniques which are presented in this chapter take the Last Minute Manager beyond the point of immediate survival, it may seem to run counter to the basic philosophy of Last Minute Management. The veteran Last Minute Manager knows, however, that the effort which needs to be invested in the techniques introduced in this chapter to keep you out of trouble in the future is much less than the effort which is required to deal with the trouble first hand or to get out of it later, even using the techniques described earlier in this book. Thus, being proactive (excuse the suffix) will ultimately save Last Minute Managers from expending their scarcest resource - effort.

# Agree with Everyone

This should not be taken as an indication that the Last Minute Manager is a yes man. First of all there are both male and female Last Minute Managers. Second, Last Minute Managers don't always say yes - sometimes they say sure, good, great or perhaps swell, neat, cool, groovy, awesome and way2go, because Last Minute Managers come from all generations. Last, yes men only butter up their superiors, while Last Minute Managers are out to brown nose everyone. After all, when your goal is just to survive until you can retire, some of your capable and ambitious subordinates may end up as your superiors before you have logged enough time for a gold watch.

Now you might think that Last Minute Managers are totally devoid of pride, confidence, or scruples. Of course that's not the case. It's just that the Last Minute Manager has not learned how to maintain his or her scruples without offending someone. Thus, to avoid being aggressive, the Last Minute Manager refrains from being assertive, with the results in many cases suffering at the expense of the relationships. The Last Minute Manager, therefore, prefers popularity to principles and isn't adverse to changing viewpoints to fit the circumstances at hand.

The Last Minute Manager knows that his or her future is largely determined by general opinion, which is formed by a large group of people who have very little specific knowledge about the manager's job performance and, therefore, base their option on their subjective impressions. The Last Minute Manager is always mindful of the value of a support group when things start getting heated up. Not that people will automatically become a supporter just because you agree with them. However, they will probably think that you support them, since you agreed with them. Pride, and the fondness for adulation, keep them from considering, or even believing, that you probably agree with everyone on everything.

# Assume Command

Many deficiencies can be overlooked in those who hold out the promise of future greatness. Leadership is a very highly revered talent under all circumstances and even more venerated under adverse conditions, especially emergencies. A great deal of deceptiveness is necessary, however, to convince even the most gullible group that someone who is not even a decent follower is a latent leader of considerable substance. Having nearly as much deceptiveness as deficiencies, the Last Minute Manager has devised an effective method for accomplishing this feat. As you might, suspect, this task can be accomplished with minimal time, effort, and risk through performances as the one below.

You are in the cafeteria at work and someone drops a tray of food on the floor. The noise attracts everyone's attention to the situation and there is a brief moment of interruption and embarrassment which provides the cue for you to apply this technique. You immediately take control with a statement like "Everyone please stand back, there is broken glass and grease on the floor and we don't want anyone injured". Then before anyone can usurp your temporary authority start issuing directions. Instruct a few of the people to help you keep the area clear, send someone to the kitchen to get a broom, dustpan and mop. You also assure the clumsy person they are not at fault and should sit down and relax as you will take care of the mess.

Even though there may be people present who have more official authority than you do they will seldom challenge you, since pulling rank about who should handle the emergency is not responsible. Everyone will remember how you jumped in and took control, however, and how considerate you were to the person who goofed. The impact is especially effective if the person who spilled the food is an elderly woman and the person who you send for the mop is senior to you, both of which can be arranged.

# Blow Your Horn

The experienced Last Minute Manager knows an ounce of hoopla is worth a pound of performance. In the last analysis, it is not what you accomplish, but what you are able to take credit for that will determine your image and your reputation. Anyone who doesn't share this viewpoint doesn't fully appreciate that an effective horn blowing program can be as valuable to the Last Minute Manager as a good public relations program can be to the firm.

There are four main skills involved in effective horn blowing. The first skill is to make the task accomplished, attempted, or contemplated seem as important, difficult, and dangerous as possible. The second skill is to develop a high qualitative perception of how well the task was accomplished, would have been accomplished, or will be accomplished. The third skill is to exaggerate your part in the event so you are perceived as the crucial factor in the endeavor if not the sole factor. The fourth and final skill is to make sure that the exposure the above items get is widespread and intense.

As alluded to above, you can gain credit for what you are going to do in the future. For example, children who announce they intend to be doctors when they grow up will be able to reap some of the status of that occupation even though they may still be in elementary school. In fact those children who plan to be neurosurgeons will have more status than those who intend to be general practitioners. It, therefore, follows that you should consider blowing your horn for things which you might do if you are limited in terms of what you can convince people you have done; and if you are talking tomorrow, you might as well talk big. So, if you want to improve your image with a minimum of effort, consider blowing your horn. Remember, the meek may inherit the earth, but until then those boisterous folks will continue to get the best press coverage.

# Buzz a Word

Just as it is important for the contemporary manager to have an up-to-date wardrobe so he or she can dress for success, it is important that the contemporary manager have an up-to-date vocabulary so he or she can speak successfully. In the same way that your clothes can become outdated and mark you as someone who is not "with it", your vocabulary can give a similar and more devastating impression of your management capabilities.

Obviously one way to make sure your skills and vocabulary are up-to-date is to keep current in your field by reading professional journals, taking night classes, and talking to your colleagues about the latest innovations and methods. This approach is far to arduous and time consuming for the Last Minute Manager. Instead, the Last Minute Manager has learned to pick up all of the terms which express the latest innovations and methods and inject them into his or her conversations.

Because of the relative ease with which this method enables the user to appear to be up-to-date and knowledgeable on any given subject, the Last Minute Manager can appear to be qualified in a number of different fields. You will, therefore, want to have several different sets of buzz words available to draw upon. The experienced Last Minute Manager also knows that the more buzz words a person can string together in a single sentence, the more precocious that individual can appear.

Although there is always an outside chance someone will call your bluff and ask you a question which will expose the thin veneer of your knowledge, this happens very rarely because most other people are either too polite to expose you or are also playing the buzz word game. On those rare occasions when someone does challenge your knowledge on the subject, you can always act indignant and cite your buzz authorities or buzz sources.

# Create a Controversy

The astute Last Minute Manager will use this technique to avoid a project he or she either doesn't want to do or is not qualified to do, but doesn't want to admit. Even if the controversy doesn't kill the idea, it may delay it until the Last Minute Manager can come with another approach to get out from under the project.

A controversy will usually stop a project until the controversy can be put to rest. If it does not, the controversy usually gets bigger and more controversial. Thus, even those who do not object to the project will become negative if the injured or threatened parties are not given proper consideration. Even the courts are prone to issue temporary restraining orders until the merits of the assertions made are sorted out and resolved.

The Last Minute Manager will use this technique under the guise of identifying all the potential ramifications and being sensitive to the concerns of everyone involved. He or she should, therefore, put forth the proposed action in the worst light. This can be defended on the basis that you are being perfectly frank and not trying to "sugar coat" the proposal or project.

Let's say that you have been asked to develop an advertising campaign for a new bacon cheeseburger being introduced by a client company. You should be able to find or create some objections from vegetarian or animal rights groups because it is just one more affront to their sensitivities and values. In this regard religious groups, ethnic groups, political groups and other special interest groups offer ideal places to get some objections. It should be pointed out that the person objecting to the project does not have to be a recognized representative of a recognized group. However, they can still object to the proposal on behalf of themselves and others in their group.

Finding or generating a spokesman for the group which is opposed to the proposal is usually not too hard as the publicity may offer this person their 15 minutes of fame. Absent any other takers you may want to accept this position yourself and try to become an advocate against the proposal if you think the spotlight can protect you from the wrath of your superiors. Employers have come under greater scrutiny for any retaliation they may take against a whistle blower or an employee who goes with their conscience against the company. The resourceful Last Minute Manager would also not be adverse to filing a law suit for damages, which could give them protection in their job or perhaps enough money for an early retirement.

If you are able to identify or generate any controversy, make sure to get some publicity on the subject before others are able to quell the controversy by putting it into a new light or modifying the proposal. The news media is very helpful here as they are always looking for controversial subjects.

# Cut Yourself Short

Cutting yourself short gives you an excuse for not being able to do something or at least not being able to do it in a quality way. Giving away or turning down resources can be a positive way for the Last Minute Manager to cut themself short. Here he or she appears to be generous even to the point of hurting their own operation or project.

The Last Minute Manager can also make the justification for their requested resources very unconvincing. This accomplishes two things. First, it makes it more likely that the Last Minute Manager will not get the resources they really don't want. Second, it makes the preparation of his or her proposal much easier.

The all-or-none approach is an effective subset of the Cut Yourself Short technique. Here the Last Minute Manager requests a huge amount of resources to do a project. If the request is granted, he or she can be assured of success even if they mismanage the project. If the request is not granted, or is granted below the level requested, the Last Minute Manager has an excuse for an uncompleted or poorly completed project. If someone else agrees to complete the project with less resources, the Last Minute Manager can always point out that their high quality standards would not allow them to make those kind of compromises.

The all-or-none approach is sometimes used by school districts when proposing a school levy. If the high levy amount is approved, the Last Minute Managers in the district can say yes to everyone who wants more resources. If the levy is not approved, they must say no to everyone because the resources are not available regardless of the need. This way the Last Minute Managers involved do not have to make any decisions or enemies. When this approach is used, the district will usually be able to pass every second levy because the first failure will produce vital shortages so the public will approve the high levy. After seeing the excess and waste created by the excessive levy they will usually fail the next one. Of course those districts not run by Last Minute Managers will not use the feast or famine approach and will submit a moderate levy which will pass every time because it doesn't make critical cuts or create waste and excess.

# Fake a Change

It's common knowledge that any organization which doesn't change is not being properly managed. It's also common knowledge that most of the people inside these organizations, those who will have to make the changes, will resist change because it is a threat to their comfort and security. The Last Minute Manager is able to reconcile this conflict to the satisfaction of all concerned by understanding the dynamics of organizational change.

There are those both inside and outside of the organization who have an orientation toward and a stake in change. This group includes consultants, new employees, and those who are generally dissatisfied with the status quo. This group will push for what they call "progress". On the other side are those inside and outside of the organization who have an orientation toward and a stake in the current way of doing things. This group includes those who currently do business with the organization, old employees, and others who are comfortable with the status quo. This group will fight to hold onto what they call "stability". In uncontrolled circumstances, this conflict will be resolved by one group prevailing to the dissatisfaction and detriment of the other group. Since the Last Minute Manager is not a risk taker, he or she can't afford to identify with either side, even though there is probably a natural inclination against change.

As with many other management challenges, the Last Minute Manager has devised a win-win approach to surviving this process. The first step is to commit to making those changes which are necessary and beneficial. This will satisfy the progress group. The second step is to calm the stability group by assuring them that no changes will be made without first thoroughly studying the proposed changes, involving those impacted by the decision and developing a phased plan for implementation. This approach insures visible yet cosmetic changes, which keeps everyone happy.

# File a Complaint

This advice may seem somewhat inconsistent with the Last Minute Manager's proclivity to keep a low profile and not create any waves. Once you understand the approach and the purpose, however, you will see why the File a Complaint technique belongs in the Last Minute Manager's repertoire. As you might suspect, it really doesn't matter what the complaint is about, whether it has any merit, or even if it is of any consequence. The only stipulation is that it be directed against your organization and that everyone know that you have the courage and conviction to register the complaint in spite of your loyalty and dedication to the organization.

It also doesn't matter how the complaint is handled or how it is resolved. The whole idea is that once you have taken the stand, the organization will be suspected of retribution if they take any adverse or seemingly discriminatory action against you in the future. In this regard it helps if the complaint is highly idealistic and the stand you take is for the good of the rank and file employees, whose safety, security, or welfare is somehow threatened by the wanton disregard of the large, impersonal, inflexible and uncaring organization.

Ideally your complaint can be lodged against, and alleged atrocities attributed to, a distant headquarters. This will create less animosity with your local superiors than allegations which involve them directly. Targeting the distant headquarters also helps to support the large impersonal villain versus the small town local hero theme. Having established a reputation with the rank and file as a principled, courageous, and caring person also makes you an ideal choice for a higher position. If you don't want a promotion and the extra work and responsibility, you can gain even more points by declining the opportunity, even if one doesn't exist, on the basis that you want to stay close to the "people" and are not after any personal gain or glory.

# Focus on the Details

One nice thing about details is that there are plenty of them. Details are also easier to understand than concepts, relationships, and priorities, which are often complex and vague. Thus, if you are able to get by with details, you will probably have much less confusion and more peace of mind.

You probably remember the old adage that "you can't see the forest for the trees". The whole point here is that the forest is the trees. However, on closer inspection the forest is more than just a collection of trees. Each forest has a shape and size that can't be discerned by just looking at the trees in front. The forest is really a whole ecosystem of plants and animals other than the prevailing trees we see in front. If the forest is the important focal point, then concentrating on the individual trees might well distort the understanding of the whole. Therefore, a good manager should make sure they are are focusing on the larger picture and have a basic understanding of the magnitude, interrelationships, and complexity of the whole.

All of this philosophical reasoning is wasted on the Last Minute Manager, who knows that survival is more assured for the tree watchers than it is for the forest gazers. Consider that even a manager's job security is largely determined by the courts or by decisions which anticipate a potential review by the courts. Courts deal with facts and objective data. Under this criteria, a knowledge of details will serve the Last Minute Manager much better than will a knowledge of concepts and relationships.

Finally, the Last Minute Manager knows that a knowledge of details will impress more people than will a broader focus. Some very high image leaders have created the impression that they had great knowledge and wisdom, because they picked specific items they knew would impress people. This gives the impression they have a grasp on everything. The best way to go about this is to find a few obscure facts and figures that your target audience will surely recognize, bring them up in a casual manner, and then move on before they can find out that is all you know.

# Hire an Assistant

Hiring an assistant opens up a whole new range of options and opportunities for the Last Minute Manager. The most obvious advantage is that the Last Minute Manager now has the ability to assign all of the distasteful chores to the new assistant. Another distinct advantage of an assistant is that it gives the Last Minute Manager a built in scapegoat for things which go wrong in his or her immediate office and an expendable employee who can be released if someone's head is demanded for management errors. Having an assistant also makes the Last Minute Manager seem more important and in some cases even qualifies he or she for a raise in pay or a change in title. Hiring an assistant can, therefore, be a definite win-win situation if a few simple rules are followed.

First, make sure the new assistant is less capable than you are. Failure to observe this important aspect of staffing may create a definite threat from an overly ambitious assistant who may try to take an inside shot at your vulnerable underside.

Second, make sure you involve your boss or a screening committee in the hiring process and lead them to believe they had a significant influence in the decision to hire the new assistant. Once the selection process has passed beyond the point of reversing the decision, indicate your reservations about the candidate who has been chosen. Thus, if you later have to fire the assistant, it just proves your observation. If the new assistant works out fine, then you can claim your ability as a supervisor allowed you to turn the situation around.

Last, make sure that you only assign individual tasks to the new assistant and not an entire project. The assistant should have very little visibility or authority until things go wrong. Think of your assistant as a diaper - to protect and collect.

# Kill a Watt

Everyone knows the Last Minute Manager is an expert in energy conservation - his or her own energy primarily. The Last Minute Manager should also consider the conservation, or at least apparent conservation, of electrical energy to illuminate an otherwise lackluster career. Use of the Kill a Watt technique can brighten up your image by highlighting you as an efficient, cost conscious, and forward looking manager.

Now, as you might suspect, it isn't necessary for the Last Minute Manager to know anything about the technical aspects of energy conservation. It isn't even necessary for you to know the basic household approaches available to reduce energy conservation in your office. The Kill a Watt technique only involves doing those things which are highly visible. Thus, just as Johnny Appleseed became famous for going around planting apple trees, you will become known for going around turning out lights.

Even though turning down the thermostat a few degrees or turning off unnecessary equipment would save much more energy, this would not be as visible as turning out lights. In this regard you should also concentrate on those lights which will draw the most attention. Thus, when an executive leaves his or her office for a few minutes, zip in and turn out the lights. When they return to a dark office and inquire as to the reason why, they will be informed by their secretary that the Last Minute Manager turned the lights out, and left chanting "an erg, an erg, my kingdom for an erg".

Notoriety can also be gained by snapping the lights off as you leave a crowded restroom, especially with those left stranded in a stall. You can't help but win with this technique - if the power bill goes down you did it and if it goes up, your efforts become just that much more important and appreciated.

# Leave it with Your Boss

In accordance with the natural order of things, bosses usually have more responsibilities and more demands on their time than do their subordinates. The Last Minute Manager knows how to capitalize on this situation and avoid completing a project without having to take the blame for the project's neglect. The objective is to leave the project in your boss's office pending a decision, review, approval, or clarification by the boss. As soon as the project has been unloaded, the subordinates meter is no longer running and the ball is in the boss's court.

To be effective, this technique should be handled in the following manner. First, wait until the boss is extremely busy and behind schedule. Second, pop in unannounced with your project paperwork in hand and ask for a few moments of his or her time, as you need some clarification, direction, or approval on the project before you can proceed. Third, ask questions which are too involved to be answered outright and require the boss to look over the project paperwork you brought with you. Fourth, make sure you leave the project paperwork with the boss for review and direction. Fifth, make sure you don't mention or remind the boss that you are waiting for his or her response before proceeding on with the project.

If the boss can't see you when you pop in, ask him or her to get back to you when they have time and don't bring it up again. If you are not able to leave the paperwork in the bosses office, then leave it with his secretary and ask her to have the boss review the paperwork and get back to you with the clarification, decision, or approval, but don't indicate any urgency. If you are later pressed for the project, you can tell your boss that you have been waiting for his or her reply. Even if the project is returned in time for you to complete it, you can always claim that the time taken to respond threw you behind schedule.

# Make a Recommendation

Whenever a decision must be reached which impacts your area of responsibility, you should consider this technique. The very act of making a recommendation implies that the decision should be made at another level or perhaps in a lateral office with a common interest in the decision. Your objective should be not only to avoid making the decision, but to avoid making a recommendation which could be tied to a bad decision.

The way you can avoid making a bad recommendation is to make one which is so overly conservative that it couldn't possibly fail if implemented. The obvious problem with overly cautious recommendations is that they are usually not feasible enough to implement. That, however, is the problem of the person making the decision, not yours. After all, you made your recommendation and if the decision maker doesn't follow your recommendation you certainly can't be responsible for the outcome. If, on the other hand, the decision maker does follow your recommendation you can be assured of a successful outcome and take credit for that success.

Let's say, however, that the decision maker sends your recommendation back to you on the basis that it is too expensive, would take too much time, or is not politically acceptable. You then revise your recommendation so that it is acceptable to the decision maker, but now includes some caveats which express your concern for the risk represented by the compromise alternative. Your revised recommendation could contain a statement such as: " Based on your concern for the cost of the best widget, which I originally recommended, you may wish to consider the substitution of the standard widget which has a lower cost, but also has a higher failure rate that could give us some problems in the future". At this point you have covered all the bases, since if the standard widget works, you recommended it, and if the standard widget fails, you warned that it might.

# Prepare a Study

The only thing worse than making a bad decision, is to make a bad decision with inadequate information. Of course, the determination on whether the decision was bad is always made in the clear light of retrospection. In a like manner, inadequate information is obviously that information which was available to those who made a bad decision, since if they would have had adequate information they would have made a good decision.

The best way to avoid making a bad decision is to avoid making any decision at all. If this is not possible, then at least try to collect enough material to justify the decision so that if it does turn out to be wrong, you can defend your decision with the data. The study can help in both of these situations. First, the study is an excellent way to delay making a decision until the necessary information is available. Ideally, the study can be continued until the decision is no longer needed or at least until enough information is available so that there is little or no risk in the decision. Second, even if the decision must be made before the point of certainty is reached, the very fact that the Last Minute Manager completed a study to determine the proper course, will ensure that even a poor decision will not have too great an impact on his or her job security.

The study is a highly respected endeavor, which the veteran Last Minute Manager will use with great frequency. If you know what you want to do before the study is initiated, then the study should be worked from the conclusion phase backward. However, if you are indifferent or don't really understand the problem, then the study should reflect a great number of alternatives, each with a large number of pros and cons, each with several underlying facets. The critical part is to make sure that any summary, conclusions, or recommendations are ambiguous enough to conclusively predict or justify whatever happens.

# Request a Transfer

If the utilization of the techniques of Last Minute Management have not allowed you to secure your future in the department or region you are in, you may need to resort to the Request a Transfer technique to hold onto your job with your company. Unless you have angered your boss in your present position to the point where he or she wants revenge, they will usually support your request for transfer to another department or region.

The very fact that you have exhausted all your tricks and techniques and are still in danger of being fired indicates that your current boss knows what you are up to with the transfer request. However, he or she might not want to go through all of the legal and emotional aspects of firing a manager who has been with the company for years. Your transfer will also enable the boss to get a new incumbent for your position who couldn't possibly be any worse than you are and who may have the potential to become a competent manager. Also, the boss may feel your marginal performance in a lateral position in someone else's department or region would make theirs look good in comparison.

For those organizations and agencies where most transfers are made at a particular time of the year, these types of transfers are sometimes called the "dance of the lemons". The vacancy to which you are transferring may have been created by a fellow Last Minute Manager who had exhausted all of their efforts to stay in the position and ended up requesting a transfer to avoid being discharged. If you find yourself in the same position, you also may be on your way to a new assignment the next year. So the process continues until the process has gone full circle. At that point there will probably be a new boss in your original department or region and you can start all over once more.

# Win an Award

If there was ever a technique to really Fertilize Your Future it is the Win an Award technique. Before you get excited and think this technique is abandoning the very tenets of Last Minute Management and suggesting that you not only do some real work, but do so well enough to qualify for an award, just relax and continue reading the material below.

Yes, the application of this technique will require more effort and focus than you would normally put forward in your position. However, you only need to do this once or twice and then can reap the benefits for the rest of your tenure as a manager. You may also be able to win an award with minimal effort if your timing and strategy is right. Let's say you are a sales manager for a particular territory. If you move some of your sales from one period to the next and double up, you may be able to win a sales award for the period in which you log your inflated sales figures. You may also be able to take advantage in some temporary downturn in the performance of a rival department.

If you are adept at manipulating the statistics and metrics used to gauge performance within your organization, you may be able to gain a temporary high point and qualify for an award. The award can be anything from a safety award, an employee turnover award, a conservation award, a production award, a suggestion award, a good attendance award, and a thousand other awards given out by your company. You may also be able to get your supervisor or an award committee to give you an employee of the month award if they feel sorry for you because you have worked for the company for many years and have never gotten such an award.

These awards are usually accompanied by a certificate, a plaque, or a trophy. Although many managers might not display these items in their office, or have too many of them to display, the Last Minute Manager will frame these items and hang them on the wall of their office or put them on a credenza behind their desk. Also, if there is a photograph of the boss, or some other company dignitary, presenting them the award it will usually be framed and hung in the Last Minute Manager's office as well. This then becomes the mantle for their past glory. Anyone who comes into their office will be able to see that the Last Minute Manager is a decorated veteran in the service of their company. It does not matter how long ago the award was given or what type of an award it was, they all designate the same thing, that the Last Minute Manager was a hero back in the day.

#

# About the Author

Dr. Terry Eade received his B.A. degree in Economics from Central Washington University, his M.B.A. degree in Business Administration from the University of Utah, and his Ph.D. degree in Higher Education Econometrics from the University of Washington.

From an early age he became involved in management and leadership as an Eagle Scout and the Senior Patrol Leader for his boy scout troop. In college he was the Commander of the ROTC and the Editor-in-Chief of the college yearbook.

After graduation he accepted a commission in the U.S. Air Force where he served as a Squadron Commander, a Management Analysis Officer, and a War Plans Officer. Later in the Washington Air National Guard he served as an Administrative Management Officer and as Commandant of the Leadership Academy.

In his civilian career he was an Assistant Controller, a Senior Budget Analyst, a Controller, a college Vice President, and Assistant Superintendent for two large school districts. He later served as the Director of Education and Training for an Electronic Commerce Resource Center serving a seven state area.

During the first eight years of his civilian management career he supervised small offices with ten or less people. During the last sixteen years of his civilian management career he served in executive positions with several department managers and hundreds of employees under his leadership. He also taught management at the college level and conducted numerous seminars and speaking engagements on management subjects as a management consultant. Throughout his career he has been exposed to excellent managers and also a great number of less than effective managers.

From the observations of this later group he has developed the concept and techniques of the Last Minute Manager which he has presented in this book. His purpose in writing this book is to expose those techniques which are used by those managers who's primary goal is to survive with a minimum of effort, commitment and risk. These techniques and the managers who use them infect their organizations and render them inefficient, ineffective and bureaucratic. By using a tongue-in-cheek approach and a humorous "how to manual", these techniques are exposed in the least threatening manner possible while still getting the point across.

# Books by Terry Eade

Management & Miscellaneous

The Last Minute Manager

Coalescent Management of Diverse Operations

Faultless Fuel

The Glories of Geezerhood

Random Rants for Rational Reflection

The Frightening Fruition of Frumpism

Dave's Adventures in the Afterlife

Finance Series

Basic Nercology

Basic Sarcology

Eade's Law's of Budgeting

Poker Series

Pokerish: The Language and Logic of Poker

More Pokerish: Poker Skills and Insights

Terry's Joke Collection Series

Volume I - Animal to Bar Jokes

Volume II - Barber to Domestic Staff Jokes

Volume III - Drugstore to Genie Jokes

Volume IV - Golfing to Kid Jokes

Volume V - Lawyer to Medical Jokes

Volume VI - Military to Newlywed Jokes

Volume VII - Nurse to Redneck Jokes

Volume VIII - Religion to Senior Citizen Jokes

Volume IX - Sports to Train Jokes
