I've been in love before.
I've been broken before.
I've built sandcastles
just to watch the tide roll in.
I've written poems in river water
and butterfly wings
just to watch them
open ocean hurricane away from me.
I have kissed a girl for too long
trying to make a moment last,
a deserved rest.
I have missed the forest fire
for the trees.
I have been in love,
I have been broken, and I am okay.
Which is not so much to say,
"Tis better to have loved,"
as it is to say, "Tis probably
should have just like-liked
and gotten out of there, and like-liked
a couple more people instead,
but I guess I'll live."
Which isn't to say that love is bad,
just that it's not always the best option,
just that sometimes love is the guac
when you didn't really have the money
to get Chipotle in the first place,
and you really want it,
and you think that this guac
would make your life so much better
but your maturity and affection
and mental stability bank accounts
are running really low.
And sometimes we get the guac
even when we can't afford it.
And even though it tastes delicious,
the next check bounces.
Sometimes we get the guac
before we even know
our accounts are a thing,
and, boom!, your credit's destroyed,
and you didn't even realize
you're making payments in the first place.
You're standing on a bridge
staring at the cherry blossom
drifting itself into Potomac,
wishing you were a cherry blossom
or at least not the thing
that you are right now.
Which is not to disparage the guac,
because the guac is
and always will be delicious.
It's just that you don't always need it.
Sometimes you just need the burrito--
both kinds of rice, both kinds of beans,
steak, spiced sausage, salsa, cheese,
sour cream, lettuce, to go please, thanks.
Sometimes...
Sometimes you just need
someone to hold your hand
and remind you you're beautiful,
and worth someone thinking
you're worth something.
Sometimes that's the better option.
And I know the phrase in question
is not about Alfred's
high school girlfriend,
it's about his best friend.
My high school girlfriend
was my best friend,
and I ordered the guac
before I even got past the salsa,
and I don't regret it,
because how can you regret something
that tastes so good?
But I do sometimes wish
I'd saved what I spent,
saved it for something
with a little more permanence,
because, truth be told,
I don't even really like Chipotle
that much in the first place.
And that guac could have been anything.
That guac could have been
a trip back to Texas.
That guac could have been a downpayment
on a house I haven't even seen yet.
I could have avoided a year
of bounced checks and bridge edges.
That guac could have been
something permanent, but it wasn't.
Instead it was simply lovely,
simply delicious for a moment.
And that is okay,
and I am okay.
I am okay.
(cheers and applause)
