>> BY THE TIME
I WAS FIVE,
SHE HAD MADE ME A PURPLE
CHIFFON FULL-LENGTH DRESS.
I COULD FEEL THAT
DISCOMFORT THAT YOU FEEL
WHEN PEOPLE
ARE AROUND YOU.
THEY LOOKED
AT ME DIFFERENT.
THEY STARTED TO
TREAT ME DIFFERENT.
♪
♪
>> WELCOME TO
"PURE PASSION."
MY NAME IS
JONATHAN DAUGHERTY.
I'M YOUR HOST
FOR TODAY'S SHOW.
IT SHOULD NEVER BE
UNDERESTIMATED HOW FORMATIVE
THE FORMATIVE YEARS ARE.
SEEDS THAT ARE PLANTED
EARLY IN CHILDHOOD
CAN TAKE ROOT
IN WAYS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
UNTIL MUCH LATER
IN LIFE.
THESE DEEP-SEATED ROOTS
OFTEN MANIFEST INNER TURMOIL
THAT CAN RULE
YOUR LIFE.
THAT'S THE STORY OF TODAY'S
GUEST, WALTER HEYER.
STARTING AT AGE FOUR,
WALTER HAD SEEDS PLANTED
THAT WOULD CONFUSE
HIM THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE.
GET READY TO HEAR
AN AMAZING TESTIMONY
OF GOD'S GRACE
AND THE POWER OF SALVATION.
>> WHEN IT ALL STARTED
FOR ME,
I WAS ABOUT FOUR YEARS OLD,
AND MY GRANDMOTHER,
FOR WHATEVER REASON,
ENJOYED CROSS-DRESSING ME.
BY THE TIME
I WAS FIVE,
SHE HAD MADE ME A PURPLE
CHIFFON FULL-LENGTH DRESS.
AND SO WHEN GRANDPA
WAS GONE
AND MY PARENTS DROPPED
ME OFF AT HER HOUSE
TO BE BABYSAT, USUALLY
A COUPLE OF TIMES A MONTH,
THAT WAS THE ROUTINE.
GRANDMA WOULD DRESS ME
UP AS A LITTLE GIRL,
AND SHE WOULD GET EXCITED
ABOUT ME BEING A GIRL.
SHE LIKED ME BETTER
AS A LITTLE GIRL.
SHE REALLY REINFORCED THAT
FEMALE APPEARANCE OF MINE,
AND WITH THAT SEED PLANTED
IN ME--AND I MUST SAY,
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
SOMETHING WAS ACTUALLY WRONG
BECAUSE I HAD NO BASIS
TO LOOK AT THE OTHER SIDE.
WHEN I WAS HOME,
THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
MY PARENTS
WEREN'T LIKE THAT,
BUT MY GRANDMA TOLD ME
TO KEEP IT A SECRET.
AS A LITTLE CHILD OF
FOUR OR FIVE YEARS OLD,
YOU DON'T KNOW
THAT A SECRET MEANS
THERE'S SOMETHING
PROBABLY NOT QUITE RIGHT.
IT WENT ON FOR PROBABLY
TWO AND A HALF YEARS,
AND THEN I BECAME SO
ACCUSTOMED TO CROSS-DRESSING
AND BEING APPRECIATED
AND FAWNED OVER
BECAUSE SHE KEPT TELLING
ME HOW GOOD I LOOKED.
I NEVER GOT THAT WHEN
I WAS A BOY FROM HER.
IT WAS ONLY
WHEN I WAS A GIRL.
SO I'M SURE THAT I ENJOYED
GETTING THE AFFIRMATION,
AND SO
AFTER TWO YEARS,
I DECIDED
TO TAKE THE DRESS HOME,
BUT I PUT IT IN A SACK,
AND BECAUSE IT WAS A SECRET,
I DIDN'T TELL GRANDMA
I WAS TAKING THE DRESS,
AND I DIDN'T TELL
MY PARENTS
THAT I WAS BRINGING
A DRESS HOME,
BUT I HID IT IN THE BOTTOM
OF MY DRESSER DRAWER,
KNOWING THAT WHEN I
HAD THE OPPORTUNITY
AND THE HOUSE
WAS CLEAR,
I COULD PUT
THAT DRESS ON
AND MAYBE GET
THOSE SAME FEELINGS
THAT GRANDMA
WOULD MAKE ME FEEL,
FEELING GOOD
ABOUT WHO I WAS.
THERE WAS NOTHING GOING
WRONG IN THE HOME.
I COULDN'T
SEE ANYTHING.
THERE WAS NOTHING
DRIVING IT.
IT'S JUST THAT THE SEED
HAD GOTTEN PLANTED
AND WAS WATERED BY MY
GRANDMOTHER ABOUT IDENTITY,
AND THAT BEGAN THIS
TWO-SIDED VIEW OF WHO I WAS
BECAUSE WHEN I
WAS AT HOME,
I WAS JUST A RUFFIAN LITTLE
BOY WITH TORE-UP BLUE JEANS
AND SCUFFED-UP
TENNIS SHOES,
AND I WAS A ROUGH LITTLE
KID PLAYING IN THE DIRT.
BUT STILL, INSIDE HERE,
I HAD THAT IMAGE.
I HEARD THOSE WORDS.
I WANTED THAT SAME KIND OF
AFFIRMATION AND FEELING
WHEN I WAS A BOY
FROM EVERYBODY
LIKE I WAS GETTING
FROM GRANDMA
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
BUT I WASN'T GETTING THAT.
SO I BEGAN THAT TIME PERIOD
WHERE I TOOK THE DRESS HOME
SO I COULD AT LEAST FEEL
THE FEELINGS MYSELF
THAT I WOULD GET
WHEN I PUT IT ON.
EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T HAVE
GRANDMA SPEAKING TO ME,
I COULD HEAR HER VOICE
SPEAKING TO ME,
SO IT WAS VERY POWERFUL
AND VERY TRANSFORMATIVE
IN TERMS OF HOW YOU
BEGIN TO SEE HOW YOU ARE,
BUT IT'S ALSO
VERY CONFUSING.
SO IT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE
I HAD THAT DRESS HIDDEN
IN THE BOTTOM OF
MY DRESSER DRAWER.
WE WERE HAVING DINNER
ONE NIGHT.
THE TABLE
WAS CLEAR.
MOM CAME OUT,
SAT ACROSS FROM ME.
DAD WAS SITTING
ACROSS FROM ME.
BROTHER WAS
DOWN THE ROAD.
AND MTHAT YOU HAVE
SO WHIN THE DRAWER?DRESS
AND BOY, I STARTED
BREAKING OUT IN A SWEAT,
AND I SAID, WELL,
GRANDMA MADE IT FOR ME.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE SET OFF
AN ATOM BOMB AT THAT POINT.
SO THEN THIS BIG EXPLANATION
ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED,
AND THEN MY DAD,
YOU COULD ALMOST SEE HIM
BEGIN TO GLOW
LIKE A ROMAN CANDLE
BECAUSE HE WAS
A PART-TIME POLICE OFFICER
AND INDUSTRIAL
GOODS SALESMAN,
NOT EXACTLY
A WIMPY GUY.
HE WAS A JUDO EXPERT
AND ALL THAT STUFF,
SO HE WAS,
TO SAY THE LEAST,
NOT TOO EXCITED ABOUT
WHAT HE HAD JUST HEARD.
SO THEN I BEGAN TO TELL THEM
HOW LONG THIS HAD GONE ON.
WELL, THEN,
IT JUST BLEW UP.
SO FROM THAT POINT ON,
I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO
TO GRANDMA'S UNLESS
BOTH MOM AND DAD
WERE WITH ME
AND MY BROTHER.
WE ALWAYS WENT
AS A UNIT.
SO GOING OVER THERE TO
BE BABYSAT BY HER ENDED,
AND THEN GRANDMA FELT--
SHE WAS VERY ANGRY WITH ME
BECAUSE I OUTED WHAT WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET,
AND SO THAT SECRET
GOT OUT,
AND THEN I FELT RESPONSIBLE
FOR EVERYTHING GOING WRONG
BETWEEN MY PARENTS,
MY GRANDMOTHER, AND ME.
SO NOW YOU SEE
THE DYNAMIC.
THIS IS WHERE I FELT
THINGS WERE NOT GOING RIGHT
BECAUSE I COULD
SEE THEIR REACTION TO ME
HAVING
THIS PURPLE DRESS.
WELL, THE PURPLE
DRESS DISAPPEARED,
AND I NEVER
SAW IT AGAIN,
BUT HERE'S THE THING
THAT WAS MOST INTERESTING.
THAT PURPLE DRESS SORT OF
TOOK ON A LIFE OF ITS OWN
AS AN IMAGE
WITHIN MY THINKING.
SO AT NIGHT, WHEN I
WAS LAYING IN BED,
ALL THESE THINGS
WENT THROUGH MY HEAD:
WHAT GRANDMA HAD BEEN
DOING, GRANDMA'S VOICE--
I COULD HEAR HER
TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT--
THE EXPLOSION
WITH MY MOM AND DAD
AND THE DIFFICULTY
IT CAUSED BETWEEN THEM,
AND THE DIFFICULTY
IT WAS CAUSING
BETWEEN MY MOM AND HER MOM
AND MY DAD AND GRANDMA.
SO IT WAS A VERY WILD
DYNAMIC THAT A KID--
I MIGHT HAVE
BEEN SEVEN YEARS OLD--
DIDN'T
QUITE UNDERSTAND.
♪
>> WOULD YOU LIKE CLARITY ON
THE ISSUE OF HOMOSEXUALITY,
WHAT CAUSES IT, AND HOW
GOD BRINGS PEOPLE OUT OF IT?
"SUCH WERE SOME OF YOU"
IS AN AWARD-WINNING
DOCUMENTARY
THAT DELIVERS
SUCH CLARITY.
IT'S AN INVALUABLE RESOURCE
FOR EVERY BELIEVER,
CHURCH, OR MINISTRY.
TWENTY-NINE FORMER
HOMOSEXUALS BEAR WITNESS
TO THE POWER OF GOD
TO TRANSFORM ANYONE.
>> LADY GAGA, SHUT UP;
I WAS NOT BORN THIS WAY.
>> THEY KNOW THAT I WAS
STUCK IN THE SAME STRUGGLE
THAT THEY WERE STUCK IN,
BUT I AM FREE.
>> WE'VE ALSO PRODUCED
A SECOND DOCUMENTARY
THAT SHOWS FAMILY MEMBERS
HOW TO RESPOND
TO THEIR HOMOSEXUAL
LOVED ONE.
IT'S CALLED "HOW DO YOU LIKE
ME NOW: WHEN A CHILD,
PARENT, SPOUSE, OR SIBLING
SAYS THEY'RE GAY."
>> I SAT MY PARENTS DOWN
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
THEY STILL HAD NO CLUE
WHAT WAS GOING ON,
AND I SAID, I'M GAY,
I'M HIV POSITIVE.
HOW DO YOU
LIKE ME NOW?
>> GET BOTH TEACHING
RESOURCES ON DVD
AT OUR ONLINE STORE
BY VISITING...
>> FROM THAT POINT ON,
I WAS SENT OVER TO
MY OTHER GRANDMOTHER,
MY DAD'S
MOTHER'S HOUSE,
AND THEY WERE A VERY
PROPER, WEALTHIER FAMILY,
AND VERY, I WOULD SAY,
MORE UPPITY.
MY MOM'S PARENTS WERE KIND
OF TEXAS DIRT-POOR PEOPLE.
AND SO THIS WAS A WHOLE
DIFFERENT DYNAMIC.
BUT PEOPLE BEGAN
TO HEAR STORIES--
THE OTHER GRANDMOTHER,
MY UNCLE, AND SO FORTH
HEARD ABOUT ME AND THAT
PURPLE CHIFFON DRESS,
AND SO THEN,
UNFORTUNATELY,
IT BECAME KIND
OF THE WHISPERING THING,
AND I COULD FEEL THAT
DISCOMFORT THAT YOU CAN FEEL
WHEN PEOPLE
ARE AROUND YOU.
THEY LOOKED
AT ME DIFFERENT.
THEY STARTED
TO TREAT ME DIFFERENT.
AND SO WHEN YOU
HAVE THAT DYNAMIC,
YOU PROBABLY TAKE ON
ACTING OUT BEING DIFFERENT.
SO WITH ME,
I STARTED EATING.
I WAS A SKINNY KID BEFORE,
AND THEN I JUST BLOSSOMED.
I WAS, AT ONE TIME,
ATE SEVEN SANDWICHES.
IT WAS LIKE I WAS TRYING
TO FILL THAT PAIN
THAT I WAS FEELING FROM
EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED.
THEN MY DAD'S
ADOPTED BROTHER,
WHO WAS ONLY
A TEENAGER,
ONE TIME
AT A FAMILY THING
DECIDED THAT I
WAS FAIR GAME,
AND HE BEGAN TO TAKE ME
OFF BEHIND THE GARAGE,
AND HE BEGAN
TO MOLEST ME.
SO THIS STARTED ANOTHER
THING THAT HAD HAPPENED,
SO NOW I'VE GOT GRANDMA,
THE PURPLE DRESS,
AND I'VE GOT UNCLE DECIDED
HE WOULD MOLEST ME.
SO THAT BECAME
HIS PATTERN.
GRANDMA'S OUT
OF THE PICTURE.
NOW I'VE GOT
UNCLE FRED.
AND SO I BEGAN
TO PUSH AWAY
AS MUCH AS I COULD
FROM FRED,
BUT HE WAS 16
OR 17 AT THE TIME.
HE CAME OVER ONE DAY
AND ASKED MY MOM
IF WE
COULD GO FOR A RIDE.
I'VE NEVER BEEN
IN A CAR WITH HIM.
AND HE TOOK ME
UP IN THE HILLS
AND BEGAN TO TRY
TO DO SOME THINGS
THAT I KNEW WERE
NOT APPROPRIATE,
AND I LEFT THE CAR
AND RAN DOWN THE HILL,
RAN ALL
THE WAY HOME.
WHEN I GOT HOME,
I TOLD MY MOTHER ABOUT
WHAT FRED WAS DOING
WHEN HE TOOK ME
UP THE HILL
BECAUSE SHE HAD GIVEN
HIM PERMISSION
TO TAKE ME
FOR A RIDE.
AND SHE SAID, OH,
THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
YOU'RE LYING,
SHE SAID.
THIS REALLY
DID HAPPEN,
AND THE THING WITH
GRANDMA REALLY HAPPENED,
AND THE THING WITH
FRED REALLY HAPPENED.
SO NOW, MY DAD DECIDED
THAT IT WAS BETTER FOR HIM
TO TRY TO SHAPE ME
A LITTLE BIT BETTER,
SO THE DISCIPLINE GOT
MUCH MORE AGGRESSIVE.
HE WOULD SPANK ME WITH
A HARDWOOD FLOOR PLANK.
HE BECAME MUCH
MORE STERN.
AS I
LOOK BACK ON IT,
HE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH ME.
THIS WAS
WAY TOO CONFUSING.
AND IF YOU CAN REMEMBER,
THIS IS IN 1944, 1945,
SO WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT THE MID '40S.
SO THERE WASN'T ANY
CONTEXT FOR, QUOTE,
WHAT WE KNOW TODAY
ABOUT TRANSGENDERS.
SO HE HAD NOTHING
TO WORK WITH.
I HAD NOTHING TO WORK WITH
EXCEPT WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
AND SO HE BEGAN TO
DISCIPLINE ME QUITE HEAVILY,
AND SOME OF IT, TODAY, IF
WE WERE TO ANALYZE THAT,
WOULD BE CALLED ABUSE
BECAUSE IT LEFT WELTS,
AND I GOT TO THE POINT TO
WHERE SOME OF THE DISCIPLINE
WAS SO PAINFUL, AT FIRST,
I WOULD JUST WEEP AND CRY
IN PAIN AND FALL ON
THE FLOOR AND SCREAM
AND ALL THAT STUFF,
BUT AFTER A WHILE,
I DECIDED
THE ONLY WAY
TO DEFEND
AGAINST WHAT HE WAS DOING
WAS TO BE SILENT, AND I
TOOK ON A PERSONA WHERE,
NO MATTER HOW HARD HE HIT
ME, NO MATTER WHAT HE DID,
I DIDN'T FLINCH,
I DIDN'T MOVE.
HE PROBABLY COULD HAVE
HIT ME WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
AND IT WOULDN'T
HAVE BOTHERED ME.
THAT WAS THE WAY
I INTERNALIZED
WHAT WAS GOING ON BECAUSE
FOR ME AS A YOUNG KID,
THIS IS BECOMING
OVERWHELMING
BECAUSE I HAD
NO WAY TO KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL
THIS INFORMATION
AND WHAT WAS
HAPPENING TO ME.
AND I HAD NO WAY TO KNOW
ACTUALLY WHAT WAS--
THE TERM PSYCHOLOGY
OR HAPPENING TO MY MIND
AND MY THOUGHTS WERE NOT
ANYTHING I WAS AWARE OF.
IT WAS JUST HAPPENING,
AND THAT'S JUST WHO I WAS.
BUT I BEGAN TO EXCEL
IN EVERYTHING I DID THEN.
I WANTED
TO OUTDO EVERYBODY.
I WANTED TO RUN FASTER,
HIT HARDER.
I WANTED
TO DO EVERYTHING
MUCH MORE AGGRESSIVE
THAN ANYBODY.
IT WAS MY WAY, PROBABLY, OF
DEALING WITH THE DEEP PAIN
THAT I WAS FEELING.
BY THE TIME I WAS IN MY
TEENS AND GOING TO SCHOOL,
I GOT INTO THEATER ARTS
IN SCHOOL,
AND I BECAME QUITE GOOD
AT THEATER ARTS.
I WAS IN SOME PLAYS.
I WON SOME CONTESTS
FOR HAMLET'S SOLILOQUIES
AND THINGS OF THAT NATURE
THAT WERE INTERESTING TO ME,
BUT I WAS ALSO VERY
SUCCESSFUL AT RUNNING TRACK,
AND EVENTUALLY WAS GOOD AS A
KICKER ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM.
SO I HAD THIS VERY
SPLIT PERSONA,
BUT MOST OF IT WAS
UP HERE IN MY HEAD.
THE FEMALE
INSIDE ME WAS SILENT
IN TERMS
OF VISIBILITY
BUT LIVED MIGHTILY
IN MY HEAD.
THE LITTLE BOY HAD GROWN UP
TO BE WORKING VERY HARD
ON RUNNING TRACK AND WINNING
MEDALS AND STUFF IN TRACK.
I HAD THIS
GOING FOR ME,
BUT I HAD ALSO
REALLY BIG STRUGGLES
IN SCHOOL
AS FAR AS ACADEMIA.
I HAD THIS STUFF
IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME,
AND I WASN'T GOOD
AT SCHOOL.
IT WASN'T
THAT I WASN'T BRIGHT.
IT WAS THAT I
COULDN'T CONCENTRATE.
THERE WAS TOO MUCH
STUFF IN MY HEAD.
EVERYTHING
WAS CONFUSING.
I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO HAVE
ALL THESE THOUGHTS ABOUT,
WHO AM I?
AM I REALLY
A GIRL?
AM I A BOY?
WHY WAS FRED
ABUSING ME?
WHY WAS DAD
HITTING ME?
YOU KNOW, THESE
THOUGHT WERE LIKE--
I CALLED IT THE RADIO
IN MY HEAD
THAT PLAYED THIS STUFF,
AND I COULDN'T TURN IT OFF.
THERE WAS NO
OFF SWITCH.
MY DAD'S DAD WAS
A PASTOR AT ONE TIME.
OUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH CHURCH WAS,
MY MOM AND DAD TOOK MY
BROTHER AND I TO CHURCH,
DROPPED US OFF,
AND THEY WENT HOME
UNTIL CHURCH WAS OVER,
PICKED US UP,
AND BROUGHT
US HOME.
THAT WAS CHURCH.
I DIDN'T HAVE
A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
I HAD NEVER GONE
THAT FAR WITH IT.
SO LATER ON, WE MOVED
AND WENT TO ANOTHER CHURCH,
AND I
WAS BAPTIZED,
BUT I WAS STILL
TERRIBLY CONFUSED
BY WHO I WAS
AND SO TERRIBLY DAMAGED
BY THE EVENTS
THAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME,
I COULDN'T GET IN A
RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYBODY,
LET ALONE GETTING
A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
I WAS NOT
A GOOD READER.
I HAD DYSLEXIA.
I HAD
CONCENTRATION PROBLEMS.
I WAS A BIT
OF A MESS.
BUT THE CONFUSION
WAS THAT OF MY IDENTITY,
OF WHO I WAS.
HOW WOULD I TELL PEOPLE
WHAT I WAS STRUGGLING WITH?
THAT ALSO CAME INTO PLAY
ABOUT HOW I DID IN SCHOOL,
MY GRADES, MY ABILITY
TO CONCENTRATE.
I WANTED TO BE ABLE
TO TALK TO SOMEBODY,
BUT I ALSO KNEW THAT WITH
WHAT I WAS DEALING WITH,
TRYING TO TALK TO
SOMEBODY ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT I COULDN'T
EVEN EXPLAIN MYSELF
WOULD BE VERY,
VERY PROBLEMATIC.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY
WERE GOING TO ASK ME.
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL THEM.
I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO
COME OUT AGAINST MY UNCLE
BECAUSE BY THIS TIME,
HE WAS A MARINE,
A DRILL INSTRUCTOR
IN THE MARINE CORPS.
HE WAS A REALLY
TOUGH GUY.
MY DAD WAS STILL
A POLICE OFFICER.
I WAS GOING UP
AGAINST THE MEN'S MEN,
AND SO I KNEW THE THINGS
I WAS STRUGGLING WITH
WOULD NOT BE RECEIVED WELL
BECAUSE OF MY EXPERIENCE
WITH MY DAD WANTING
TO TRY TO SHAPE ME,
I BELIEVED,
BY HEAVY DISCIPLINE.
ALL THESE THINGS
GOT IN THE WAY,
WHETHER IT WAS
AT CHURCH--
OUR FAMILY WAS
CHURCH-GOING BY THIS TIME.
BY THE TIME
WE MOVED,
MY PARENTS
STARTED GOING TO CHURCH.
BUT I WASN'T
CONNECTING WITH THAT.
I WENT,
I PRAYED FOR THE LORD
TO TAKE THIS STUFF
AWAY FROM ME,
TO HEAL ME
FROM IT.
I KEPT PRAYING EVERY YEAR
ABOUT THAT, TAKE IT AWAY,
BUT WHAT I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
WAS THAT I NEEDED SOMEONE
I COULD TALK TO
TO HELP TALK THROUGH THIS,
THAT IT WASN'T JUST GONNA
EVAPORATE ON ITS OWN.
IT WASN'T JUST
GONNA BE TAKEN AWAY
BY SOME MAGICAL
PUFF OF SMOKE.
♪
>> PORNOGRAPHY HAS TRAPPED
MILLIONS WITH IMAGES
AND IDEAS THAT LEAD TO
DARK PLACES AND IMPURITY.
BUT THERE IS HOPE.
BE BROKEN MINISTRIES HAS
HELPED THOUSANDS OF MEN
FIND FREEDOM FROM PORN
AND SEXUAL ADDICTION.
WITH PROGRAMS
AND RESOURCES THAT POINT
TO THE HOPE AND POWER
FOUND IN JESUS CHRIST,
THE STRONGHOLDS
OF LUST CAN BE BROKEN.
IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE
WANT HELP TO BREAK FREE
FROM PORN
OR OTHER SEXUAL SINS,
PLEASE VISIT...
>>> DENISE SHICK, FOUNDER
AND EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
OF HELP 4 FAMILIES
HAS WRITTEN
"TRANSGENDER CONFUSION:
A BIBLICAL-BASED
Q AND A FOR FAMILIES."
IN THIS BOOK, SHICK EXPLORES
A VARIETY OF TOPICS...
THIS IS AN INVALUABLE
RESOURCE FOR FAMILIES
WITH TRANSGENDER
CONFUSION IN THEIR MIDST.
TO GET YOUR COPY OF
"TRANSGENDER CONFUSION,"
GO TO WWW.HELP4FAMLIES.COM.
>> DAVID KYLE FOSTER
DESCRIBES FROM SCRIPTURE
THE SANCTIFICATION
PROCESS IN HIS BOOK
"TRANSFORMED
INTO HIS IMAGE:
HIDDEN STEPS ON THE
JOURNEY TO CHRISTLIKENESS."
BORROWING KEY INSIGHTS FROM
LEADERS LIKE LEANNE PAYNE,
LARRY CRABB,
AND BENEDICT GROESCHEL,
THIS BOOK CALLS
THE CHRISTIAN DEEPER
INTO THE LIFE THAT
GOD CREATED US TO HAVE
AND SHOWS GOD'S PROVISION
FOR MAKING IT POSSIBLE.
DOWNLOAD YOUR COPY OF
"TRANSFORMED INTO HIS IMAGE"
WHEREVER
EBOOKS ARE SOLD
OR GET THE PAPERBACK
AT OUR ONLINE STORE...
>> DURING THIS TIME
I THOUGHT,
THIS IS SOMETHING
SO NEW TO GOD,
HE DIDN'T
EVEN UNDERSTAND IT.
THIS IS SO OUT OF--
IT CAME ALONG,
AND THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND,
SO HE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH IT,
SO HE'S JUST THERE.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH YOU
IS KIND OF LIKE WHAT
HE WAS SAYING TO ME.
IT'S WHAT I FELT.
SO WITH THAT, I FELT
LIKE I WAS ON MY OWN,
THAT I NEEDED
TO FIX THIS MYSELF.
AS I GREW LATER IN LIFE,
I JOINED A CAR CLUB.
I WAS INTO CARS.
I HAD
SOME RACE CARS.
AS I GOT
OUT OF SCHOOL,
I WENT TO WORK
IN AN AUTOMOTIVE SHOP.
EVENTUALLY I WENT
TO CITY COLLEGE
AND GOT A CERTIFICATE
FOR DRAFTING
SO I COULD GO TO WORK IN
THE AEROSPACE INDUSTRY
ON THE DRAFTING BOARD
BECAUSE THAT WAS A NEAT JOB
AND IT PAID GOOD,
AND THAT WAS A BIG THING.
I DID THAT, AND OVER
A PERIOD OF TIME,
WAS SO GOOD AT MY STUDIES,
SO GOOD AT WHAT I DID--
THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS
THAT WAS REMARKABLE.
EVEN THOUGH I WAS
NOT GOOD WITH A BOOK,
IF YOU GAVE ME
SOMETHING TO DO
AND TAUGHT ME
HOW TO DO IT,
I COULD DO IT
VERY WELL,
OFTENTIMES BETTER
THAN ANYBODY
THAT HAD EVER
READ THE BOOK.
SO OVER A PERIOD
OF YEARS,
I BECAME AN ASSOCIATE
DESIGN ENGINEER
ON THE APOLLO
SPACE MISSIONS
AND WORKED ON
CRYOGENIC CONNECTORS.
SO I KNEW THE MARBLES
WERE FLOATING,
BUT IF YOU WOULD HAVE
GIVEN ME A BOOK AND SAID,
STUDY THIS
AND STUDY CRYOGENICS,
I COULDN'T HAVE READ
THE BOOK.
EVERYTHING I DID WAS
HANDS ON AND RELATIONAL
BECAUSE I WAS
VERY RELATIONAL,
BUT AS I BEGAN TO WORK ON
THE APOLLO SPACE MISSIONS,
I WAS STILL
GOING TO CHURCH,
AND I MET A GIRL
ONE NIGHT
AT THE SUNDAY NIGHT
SINGLES GROUP.
WE BEGAN
TO DATE,
AND WITHIN TWO YEARS,
WE GOT MARRIED.
WE WERE DOING WELL.
WE HAD A NICE LITTLE
RELATIONSHIP.
WE HAD
A GREAT MARRIAGE.
WE WERE
GOING TO CHURCH.
I WAS, AGAIN, STILL TRYING
TO SEE WHAT GOD COULD DO
IN HEALING
WHAT I HAD,
AND I TALKED TO HER ABOUT
THE STRUGGLE I WAS HAVING.
AS A FAMILY, WE WERE LIVING
IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
AND STARTED GOING
TO FOREST HOME
CHRISTIAN CONFERENCE
CENTER REGULARLY
FOR COUPLES CONFERENCES
AND FAMILY CONFERENCE.
EVERY TIME
WE WENT SOMEPLACE,
IT WAS REALLY CONNECTED
TO THE CONFERENCE CENTER
AND TRYING TO CONNECT WITH
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST.
I WAS TRYING
TO BUILD THAT,
BUT I WAS ALSO
STILL STRUGGLING.
THE STRUGGLES JUST
WOULDN'T SEEM TO GO AWAY.
THAT SEED THAT GRANDMA
PLANTED CONTINUED TO GROW,
AND IT CONTINUED TO LIVE IN
MY HEAD AS IF IT WAS REAL,
AS IF IT WAS ALIVE
AND WELL ON ITS OWN,
EVEN THOUGH
IT WASN'T OUT HERE.
AS I BEGAN
TO DEAL WITH THIS,
THERE WERE TIMES
WHEN I WOULD THEN GO OUT,
CROSS-DRESSED,
JUST TO RELIEVE THE STRESS.
IT WAS MY STRESS
RELIEVER.
THAT WASN'T ENOUGH,
SO I BEGAN TO USE ALCOHOL
TO HELP RELIEVE
THE STRESS.
AND ALL THE TIME,
I'M MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS.
I'M GOING OUT.
NOBODY'S
KNOWING THIS.
I'D FIND A PLACE FAR AWAY
FROM HOME TO DO THIS
BECAUSE I HAD THE FUNDS
AND ABILITY TO DO THAT.
AND EVENTUALLY, I LEFT
THE AEROSPACE INDUSTRY
AND TOOK A JOB IN
THE AUTOMOTIVE INDUSTRY,
AND THAT GAVE ME
A GREAT DEAL MORE LATITUDE
BECAUSE THEY WOULD SEND ME
FAR AWAY FROM HOME.
I HAD AN EXPENSE ACCOUNT,
SO I WAS FREE PRETTY MUCH
TO STAY IN HOTELS,
CROSS-DRESS,
GO OUT,
STILL DO MY WORK.
I BECAME ONE OF THE MOST
SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE
IN THE COMPANY I
WAS WORKING FOR
AND GOT PROMOTED
AND GOT PROMOTED.
BY THIS TIME,
I WAS STILL STRUGGLING,
STILL CROSS-DRESSING,
STILL MARRIED.
THE SHAME OF
WHAT I WAS DOING
WAS TOO MUCH
TO TALK TO ANYBODY ABOUT,
SO WHERE I STARTED THIS
AS A CHILD
AND NOT TALKING,
LIVED THROUGH IT,
THAT SECRET
THAT GRANDMA GAVE ME,
I KEPT THAT SECRET AS FAR
AS WHAT WAS GOING ON.
I KNEW HOW
TO KEEP A SECRET.
I'M SURE THAT SEEING THAT
EXPLOSION WHEN MY PARENTS
SAW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU LET A SECRET OUT,
I WASN'T GOING TO
LET THE SECRET OUT.
I WASN'T GOING
TO TELL ANYBODY,
SO IT REALLY REPRESSED
THE IDEA OF LETTING IT OUT.
I CONTINUED TO DRINK
MORE WHEN I WAS OUT.
I CONTINUED TO STRUGGLE
WITH ALCOHOLISM, AND YET,
AT THE SAME TIME, I WAS
MOVING UP MORE AND MORE
IN THE LADDER OF SUCCESS
WITH THE CORPORATION.
BY THE TIME MY KIDS
WERE GROWN UP,
WE'RE STILL
ATTENDING CHURCH.
IF YOU LOOKED AT ONE
SIDE OF MY LIFE,
IT WOULD LOOK
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT,
WHITE PICKET FENCE,
TWO CARS IN THE GARAGE.
I'M MAKING
GOOD MONEY.
THE KIDS
ARE HEALTHY.
EVERYTHING'S GOOD.
I DIDN'T DRINK
AROUND THE HOUSE.
I WASN'T A DRUNK
AT HOME.
I DID ALL THAT STUFF
WHEN I WAS AWAY,
GET THAT RELIEF,
AND THEN COME HOME
AND BE
A DIFFERENT PERSON.
SO I HAD TWO WORLDS
THAT I LIVED IN.
ACTUALLY THREE WHEN
YOU THINK ABOUT IT
BECAUSE I HAD
THE FAMILY LIFE,
I HAD
THE PURPLE-DRESS LIFE,
AND THEN I HAD
A GREAT CAREER
THAT I WAS BECOMING
VERY SUCCESSFUL AT.
BY THE TIME
I WAS 39 YEARS OLD
AND I STARTED HEARING
ABOUT TRANSGENDERS--
CHRISTINE JORGENSEN
WAS KIND OF
THE FIRST ONE
IN THE MID '50s
THAT KIND OF TRIGGERED IT,
BUT I DIDN'T LOOK INTO IT.
SO BY THE TIME
I'M IN--
1980, 1981, IT HAD BEEN
GOING ON FOR 39 YEARS.
ACTUALLY, IT WOULD HAVE
BEEN AT THAT TIME--
I WOULD HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING
FOR ABOUT 36 YEARS
FROM THE TIME MY GRANDMOTHER
FIRST CROSS-DRESSED ME.
THAT'S A LONG TIME TO KEEP
A SECRET, TO STRUGGLE,
AND TO TRY
TO DEAL WITH IT
WITHOUT ANY PSYCHIATRIC
OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP.
SO I WENT
TO SPECIALIST,
THE NUMBER-ONE GUY
IN THE WORLD
BECAUSE I HAD
THE MONEY TO DO IT.
IT WAS THE GUY WHO WROTE
THE ORIGINAL INTERNATIONAL
HARRY BENJAMIN
STANDARDS OF CARE.
HE WAS THE GUY.
HE WAS THE GURU.
KNEW HOW TO DIAGNOSIS
THE DISORDER,
HE KNEW WHAT APPROPRIATE
TREATMENTS TO TAKE,
AND HE KNEW WHO SHOULD
BE DOING THE SURGERY
IF THERE WAS TO BE SURGERY
AND THE HORMONE THERAPY.
HE WAS THEY GUY,
IN SAN FRANCISCO
ON UNION STREET.
SO I WENT INTO HIM
AND SAT WITH HIM.
IN 45 MINUTES,
HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAYS,
YOU'VE GOT
GENDER DYSPHORIA,
AND WHAT YOU NEED
TO DO
IS UNDERGO GENDER
REASSIGNMENT SURGERY,
TAKE HORMONES,
AND JUST COMPLETELY CHANGE
AND BECOME A FEMALE.
AND I WAS
KIND OF DUMBFOUNDED.
SO I LISTENED AND SAID,
WELL, CAN I COME BACK
AND WE TALK
MORE ABOUT THIS?
SO THE SECOND WEEK,
I WENT BACK AND TOLD HIM
ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD.
I GAVE HIM
SOME INFORMATION
ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
IN MY CHILDHOOD,
MORE IN-DEPTH ABOUT
THE ABUSE BY THE UNCLE.
AND HE SAYS,
AND BY THE WAY,
I HAVE YOUR LETTER
OF APPROVAL HERE
YOU CAN TAKE
TO THE DOCTOR
AND HAVE YOUR SURGERY,
TWO SESSIONS.
AND I SAID,
THAT SEEMS A BIT QUICK
TO MAKE
THAT KIND OF ASSESSMENT.
HE SAID, NO, YOU'RE
A PERFECT CANDIDATE.
I'VE BEEN DOING THIS
FOR YEARS.
I KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I SAID,
OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
KEEP THE LETTER.
LET ME THINK ON IT.
AND I WAITED
TWO YEARS.
AND DURING THAT TWO YEARS,
THE PRESSURE COOKER,
MAYBE FROM HEARING IT,
MAYBE FROM GRANDMA,
MAYBE FROM THE RADIO
PLAYING IN MY HEAD,
MAYBE FROM
THE SEXUAL ABUSE,
I CAN'T BEGIN TO TELL
YOU WHAT IT ALL WAS,
BUT THERE WAS A BIG
MIXMASTER GOING ON
THROWN IN
WITH A LITTLE ALCOHOL.
BY THE TIME I
WAS 42 YEARS OLD,
I HAD SAT DOWN
WITH MY WIFE AND SAID,
HERE'S
WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING.
WE NEED
TO DIVORCE,
AND I NEED
TO CHANGE GENDERS.
WELL, THERE WAS
THE SECOND BOMB.
IF MOM AND DAD'S EXPLOSION--
THIS WAS ANOTHER ONE.
AND THIS WAS EVEN
MORE DEVASTATING
BECAUSE THE KIDS
WERE INVOLVED,
AND THAT KIND
OF PAIN,
NO ONE SHOULD EVER
HAVE TO EXPERIENCE.
IT'S OVERWHELMING.
>> THERE IS SO MUCH
IMPORTANT INFORMATION
THAT WE ARE CARRYING
WALTER'S INTERVIEW
INTO A SECOND EPISODE.
SO JOIN US NEXT WEEK TO
HEAR THE REST OF THE STORY
FROM FORMER TRANSSEXUAL
WALTER HEYER.
I'M JONATHAN DAUGHERTY
FOR "PURE PASSION."
♪ ...A DISCIPLE OF TRUTH, ♪
♪ FULL OF HOLY FIRE THAT
BURNS WITH PURE PASSION. ♪
♪ RENEW A RIGHT
SPIRIT DEEP IN ME. ♪
♪ SET ME FREE, ♪
♪ FREE TO LIVE WITH
PURE PASSION, ♪
♪ LIVING FOR YOUR WILL
AND NOTHING MORE, ♪
♪ WITH PASSION FOR YOU,
LORD. ♪♪
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