

trip.

By Benjamin Thierfelder

Introduction

"Jesus Christ when will it be over?" Daniel asked aloud. He laid on his back, his eyes focused on the spinning fan above. A thin translucent contrail followed in each of the blades wake like a propeller in cold wintery water. His room was completely dark except for the sooty brown light streaming in through is blinds. The lights pulsed rhythmically to the music as his head spun in pace with the throbbing beat.

Music?

"The fuck?" Daniel coughed as he sat up in bed, his messy, sweat-soaked sheets tangled about his legs. "Where's the music coming from?" He listened carefully and recognized the steady kick drum of The Sisters Of Mercy's Neverland pulsing through his walls. "Shit. I must of left the stereo on." He pushed himself off his bed and ambled toward the door. "These memory holes are getting real old, man." He turned the doorknob and pushed the door open and was blinded by a bright, fiery yellow light.

Daniel held his hands to his eyes and stepped through the door, confused. The music was loud now, and he could hear Peter Murphy croon "They are coming down." in his smooth baritone voice. The filthy light finally faded from his eyes and he found himself in his tiny living room. No, not tiny, it was huge! The size of a small club. The floor was shrouded in a thin but bitter smoke and the walls were painted yellow with that filthy light. On his wall just above his stereo there was an inverted crucifix with what looked like fire blazing inside.

"Jesus Christ." He muttered to himself as he looked around. There were people everywhere. He must have invited all his friends over in his narcotic haze, except nobody here was his friend. They were all strangers. No, not just strangers. They were tall, thin painted creatures with dark clothing and smooth, wet featureless skin. Their faces were blank swirls of acrylic skin, their hair dripping rivers of black India Ink. They spoke in a hushed wallah, their words indecipherable.

"But we will never never land." Peter Murphy finished, his watery voice rising above the din of wonky murmurs.

"Okay, this isn't fun anymore." Daniel said to himself as he strolled through the strange crowd. "Hey guys can you turn off the music? I'm having a bad trip." No one answered him, or even acknowledged him. "Hello? Anybody know where I can find Anthony? He gave me this new drug called Trip and I've been seeing shit for days, man! I don't know how much more of this I can take." Nothing. Daniel looked past a pair of painted people at his window and noticed it was completely black. He strolled over and put his hand on it. It felt cool and damp against his skin. He tried to look closely through the shadowy pane but realized there was nothing outside but blackness. Then, above the music and the murmurs he heard a voice.

"Repent! Repent and in Jesus you will find peace!" Shouted a man somewhere further in his living room. Daniel waded through the weird people toward the voice. Every time he touched one they left a gray or black stain on his clothing, and when he did touch one they stopped whatever they were doing, turned their heads and stared at him with their blank faces. Daniel shivered and pushed forward. He felt hot and cold and damp and dry all at the same time. "Repent!" Daniel finally came upon the man, a tall, thin African American preacher in a black priests shirt and color, his face withered and pinched around his mouth like a prune. His eyes were solid white orbs and he stared blankly forward as he spoke, the Bible held aloft his in his left hand as he pointed with his right. "Repent, for you have sinned against God, against Love, against Mother Earth, against progress, against your womb and your heart! You are a siiiiner. Sssssinnner." He hissed the words like a snake, his finger pointing accusingly at Daniel.

Daniel shook his head and drifted backwards away from the preacher, thoroughly unnerved.

"I can offer you salvation! I can release you from your sin and your pain! Free me, Daniel! Free me and you will be free yourself! I am God. I am Jesus. I am Buddha. I am the way. I am the light. I am the shadow. I am the darkness unto heaven and the brilliance of hell. Come to me! Come to me! Come to me!"

"Fuck this!" Daniel ran back to his room, which was now right behind him. He opened his door and walked inside but he was no longer in his room but a large dark hallway. The hallway looked decrepit and gutted, the walls were broken plywood to show the rotten dark wood and artery-like maze of rusted black pipes beneath. Spiderwebs were everywhere, and the only light came from a single light bulb above. Daniel walked down the hallway but it seemed to stretch on and then turn and wind. The pipes leaked what looked like rust-saturated water or blood, and he could hear the moan and screams of people on the other sides of the walls. They banged and screamed and pleaded in muffled voices. He heard a scraping sound behind himself and turned around to see a tall, thin emaciated man with no hair and dead yellow eyes. He was naked and his skin was ashen from malnutrition and ridden with sores and cuts. He was covered with blood. The man held out what looked like a metal pipe and jabbed it against the wooden wall with a loud thunk. It scowled a toothless grin and slowly shambled toward Daniel, the pipe scraping against the wood as he went. Daniel screamed and ran forward until he came to what looked like the door to his bathroom. Without thinking he charged through headfirst and fell into a heap on the ground.

Daniel was not in his bathroom, though. He was in his bedroom this time, except it was huge like his living room. Wide yet thin, fresh blue sunlight beamed in him windows high above, though the back wall and floor were still shrouded in early morning shadow. There was something huge against his back wall, something made of dark stone and carved like some ancient statue. That filthy yellow light flickered inside and the statue came to life. It was a monster; five faces stacked upon one another carved in gray Indian stone. Each face had a mouth and a pair of eyes that glowed yellow from the fire behind it. Long thin tentacle like protrusions extended from the sides of the faces and formed the frame of a deep fire pit that flanked each side of the statue.

The pits roared to life as fire sprouted up through the bottom and lined his whole room. Daniel watched the whole scene, shocked and weary. Within the fire he noticed strange shadowy forms, bizarre creatures of incomprehensible shapes and sizes, writhe, embrace, fuck and fight one another in some strange alien dance he could not process. Daniel felt something wet and warm run down his cheek and his ran his hand across his face and pulled it away. Blood. His nose was bleeding.

Free me. A voice echoed in his head. It was genderless and void of any dialect or even language. It was pure and clear and transcendently clean. Free me and I will free you from your torment, Daniel Woldt. Free me. Daniel's head throbbed but he felt a strange sense of peace, and he looked up to see a cloud of butterflies descend from the ceiling above. His eyes rolled up into his heads and he felt himself fall backwards onto his bed. It was wet and warm and inviting. He closed his eyes and felt sleep grab hold of him and pull him into its warm, womb-like caul.

Free me Daniel Woldt and I can free you.

Part One

Spiders

Chapter One

When the light turns green, you go. When the light turns red, you stop. But what do you do when the light turns blue with orange and lavender spots? Daniel heard the sound of his own voice echoing the old Shel Silverstein line from A Light In The Attic. He was dreaming, not a dream of images or thought but simply that line repeated over and over in his head like a broken record. Daniel lain sprawled out and sleeping soundly on his dirty yellow mattress. The alarm screamed at him to get up but he was too hung over to hear it through the narcotic fog.

Afternoon sunlight peeked through the thin plastic window shades, bathing his room in a reverent white glow. White streaks of light danced across a valley of empty soda cans and greasy white paper plates that were dotted with red stains and rotting food. Those same streaks snaked across dog-eared porno magazines and CD cases. It slowly slithered its way up the dull brown entertainment center and black dust-caked television screen. The sunbeams moved along the powder blue walls where a thin film of grease and smoke silently glittered in the noble light. The light finally made its way to the slowly spinning ceiling fan above and showered choppy strobes of light down upon the slumbering 33 year old. The alternating currents of flashing light finally did the job, and after a few restless turns, Daniel finally began to stir.

Daniel let out a harsh, dry cough followed by a low groan. He buried his face in the crook of his elbow and turned away, but the choppy light seeped through the creases of skin. He swallowed hard and smacked his lips together, tasting the bitterness of his mouth. Daniel peeped one eye open and looked up at the spinning fan.

"Ffffucking fan." he grunted with contempt. Daniel coughed again, hard, then felt a pressure in his stomach that slowly rose to his throat. "Fuuuck." he muttered to himself and clamped his jaw shut. He pulled himself to the edge of the bed and opened his mouth to vomit. A sickly green-yellow line of bile splashed onto the ground below him. He stared down at the disgusting pile with dull bewilderment. What the hell did I eat? He asked himself was he watched a single strand of spittle dangle from the tip of his lip. He wiped it away and sat up, the bones in his back and joints cracked. He looked around the room and finally noticed the screeching alarm clock.

"Shut up!" he yelled and slapped at it with a limp wrist. It took two or three clumsy smacks to shut the machine off, and he slunk back to his sitting position and stared numbly at the blue wall before him. "What the hell happened to me?"

Daniel suddenly remembered the drug, trip, and looked over at the empty vial just a foot away. He reached over and picked it up and looked at the thing in a beam of silvery white light. The glass blazed with the light's reflection, but he noticed that a very small amount of the fluid had settled at the bottom. He brought it close and took a whiff. It smelled awful; like a cross between shit and rotten old food.

"What is this shit?" he asked himself. He brought it in for a closer look, his dark blue eye just inches from the glass. It had a dark caramel color like whiskey, but in the afternoon light he could see small specks of something floating around in there. There was no solid shape or consistency, and to him, they seemed to be floating around on their own, their movements not with but against the fluid.

"Weird." he said to himself as he put it down on his cluttered nightstand.

Daniel sat back on his heels and tried to think about the nights before. He remembered his friend Anthony came over and said he had a new experimental drug to try. Military grade shit. He remembered thinking why not? He was bored of the other drugs anyways. Weed, meth, molly, acid, shrooms, wet... he tried just about everything at least once. Sure they felt good, and the highs were great, but in the end he was always left hanging and wanting more. Daniel didn't want to be Daniel anymore, and while he could escape being Daniel for a few hours here and there, in the end he always ended up as himself; a washed up burnout loser with nothing to show for himself. Anthony promised this was going to be the best and longest high yet. How could he turn down an offer like that?

Daniel closed his eyes and tried to recall more. He remembered the two of them oogling the small brown vial four or five nights ago while trying to figure out how to use the stuff. They dipped marijuana joints into it and tries smoking it. Nothing happened. Anthony tried drinking some but it was so nasty he spat it out. He tried chasing it with Mountain Dew next and still couldn't keep it down. They tried chasing a little bit of it with tin foil and a lighter and, again, nothing happened. The two were frustrated. There was only one thing left to do. Daniel broke out a syringe and injected the fluid right into his veins.

Daniel hissed through his teeth and exhaled. I injected some of this unknown shit into my fucking veins? How could I be so fucking stupid? He growled at himself. As if to punctuate the point he felt a dull throb of pain in his right arm. He looked down to see a tiny trail of dried blood, now blackened with time, set against an ugly purple bruise. It looked infected. Daniel fell back against his bed and stared up at the ceiling fan, which still painted waves of choppy light over his messy room. His head spun with the fan so he closed his eyes and ran his hands through his light brown hair. The acrid scent of regurgitated pizza rolls stung his nose and he remembered the vomit on the ground. He looked over and he saw half a dozen small white maggots squirming around in the mess. They looked bloated and quivered as they scrambled over the half-digested chunks of food.

"Jesus Christ!" he cried out loud. He grabbed a crumpled piece of paper towel and scooped them onto a paper plate along with the rest of the mess. He deposited it into the filthy trash bin next to his desk. Daniel covered his mouth as he looked down at the basket. "God, how did they get there so fast?" He looked back at the spot, now a thin yellow stain on the lacquered wood floor. "Must of crawled off something else."

Daniel pushed off the wall and flicked the light switch. He half expected to see more of the little creatures squirming around his room but there was none.

"I gotta clean this place." he muttered to himself. He looked back over his shoulder at the waste basket one last time. "No wonder I can't get any girls." As an afterthought he quickly cleaned up his room, throwing out the paper plates and putting the magazines and CD's away. It only looked nominally cleaner but was good enough for him. Daniel rubbed his face and realized he was still glazed in a thin film of sticky sweat. "Need a shower." He said to himself. "That will help get this fucking fog out of my brain."

Daniel walked into his tiny bathroom and shut the door. If his bedroom was like a pigsty his bathroom was the exact opposite; a plain white sterile box with no remarkable features. The toilet, sink and bathtub were made of the same cheap off-white ceramic. Minus a crack here or a chip there they were practically indistinguishable from one another. The walls were painted white with only a few chunks missing to show the brown base coat beneath it. The floor was made of chipped white tiles that ran up the wall a good three feet or so. Even his towel and toothbrush were white.

Daniel flipped open the toilet lid with aloud clang and unzipped his fly. He let out a low grunt as piss exploded into the toilet. He sighed with relief and arched backwards and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he noticed a crack growing in his ceiling slowly spreading from corner toward the light fixture in the center. He shook his bleary head, gave it two shakes and cleaned off the lid of the toilet with a sheet of toilet paper. Daniel looked down and saw the flat white sheet of paper swim around in the yellow liquid. At first he thought it was just the movement of the water but then the sheet of paper swam around in strange jerky movements, the edges flapping up and down like the edges of manta ray. He watched it twirl and make loop-de-loops before reaching over and flushing the toilet.

"That was weird. Whatever." He said to himself. Daniel stepped in front of his mirror and slowly undressed. He tossed his dirty AC/DC shirt into the white plastic hamper and looked at himself in the mirror. Tall and thin, he was your prototypical drug user. His body was wiry and his muscles were knobby bulges. His skin held a light brown summer tan that barely hid the road map of thick veins that ran up and down his arms. His dyed dirty-blonde hair was thinning near the crown but thankfully free of bald spots and receding hairlines. Daniel ran his big thick hands over his long thin face and stared back at his blue eyes, his only attractive feature. Too bad people were too busy staring at the pockmarks and stubborn red zits to notice. He wasn't ugly, really, but he wasn't good looking either. Just a normal guy. The kind of guy you would pass on the street without looking back. Daniel rubbed his fast and noticed that one of his teeth were lose.

"How the fuck did this happen?" he asked himself as he reached inside his mouth and yanked on it. It came free easily and left a long blood-streaked trail of saliva in its wake. "God did I hit my head or something?" He looked at the tooth for a moment, shrugged, and put it in his pocket.

Daniel sighed and got in the shower. He yanked on the hot water and hit the showerhead valve. A blast of cold water sent shivers up and down his spine, but mercifully the hot water kicked in shortly afterward. Daniel washed his hair then stood there in the shower for a long while, his head pressed against the wall. Water dripped down from his mouth and lips in long ropy strands, and he spit every few seconds to get the taste of selenium out of his mouth.

"Why do I keep doing this to myself?" he asked aloud. "When will this shit end? I gotta get myself straight. I can't do this shit anymore. I can't be..." he stopped. "... A nobody." Above the light seemed to brighten in the room and he slowly looked up. Probably just an after effect of the drug. He said to himself. That kind of shit is normal. Then he noticed something move in the shower head.

He thought he was just seeing things at first. Maybe it was just the drug playing with his mind? Or maybe a trick of the light from the water running down his eyes? He stared up at the shower head and saw movement again, something small and black wiggled around between the streams of water.

"What the fuck?" Daniel asked himself. He pressed against the wall to take a closer look. Nothing. He backed away and saw it again. This time it looked like something poked out one of the holes and waggled back and forth before retreating back inside, like a tiny worm or caterpillar. "No way. I'm still tripping. That's all." Daniel turned away and stared forward, his heart thumping in his chest. "Calm down, dude. Calm down. Freaking out is the last thing you want to do..." He took a deep breath and counted to twenty, and just when he thought he was in the clear, he felt something touch his back.

It was light at first, like a piece of string bumping against your skin. Except the bump became a crawl as he felt movement up his back. Something tiny tickled his skin and he cried out and slapped at his back. He felt it move up his shoulder and looked over in horror as a giant black centipede, almost a foot in length and as thick as his pinky finger, crawled down his shoulder and chest, tickling his nipple with its tiny black legs. Daniel screamed and brushed it off him with his left hand. The centipede fell to the ground like a limp length of rope. He tried to stomp on it with his left foot and nearly slipped. Daniel threw out his arms and caught himself as the centipede slithered past him and down the shower drain.

Daniel stared down in horror for a long while, his breathing hard and erratic. His heart pounded so fast his whole chest ached.

"Oh... my god..." he huffed. "... Did that just... fucking... happen?" He looked up at the shower head for more movement but only water came out. It was cold now. He slowly turned it off and took a closer look. There was no way that thing could have squeezed through one of those holes. "It musta been smaller than I thought."

Or it wasn't real at all. He thought to himself. You're probably still tripping, dude.

"Yeah I probably am." He said to himself. "This is what you get for doing stupid shit." he dried himself up and threw on a fresh white t-shirt and black jeans.

Don't worry man. All you got to do is ride it out like every bad trip. He sat down on his bed and took in a deep breath. All I gotta do is sit back and relax. It will all be over soon.

Daniel opened the door to his bedroom and stepped in, but he found himself standing to the side of his bed instead of in front of it. Confused, he looked behind himself and saw that door leading the living room was now at his back, not the bathroom.

"The hell?" he asked aloud. Outside he heard his wind-chime shimmer and the blinders of his window wafted up and forward in a long arcing wave. The motion sent waves of choppy morning light across the room. Between the stabbing rays of light he thought he saw himself sitting on the edge of the bed shooting up. The bruise on his arm ached and he reflexively put his hand up to grab it.

Inside. A hissing voice said from somewhere. Daniel jumped up, startled, and looked around.

"Who the fuck?" he asked aloud.

You. It said this time. Daniel shook for a second and then let out a nervous laugh.

"Your still hallucinating, dumb ass. Chill the fuck out." He put on his socks and shoes. "Now let's get out of here before things get any stranger."

Things did get stranger. A lot stranger. Daniel opened his door to his living room and stepped into a huge medical office. It was tall and lofty with bright blue sunlight beaming down from above, just like in his room the night before. Wooden tables and desks were filled with piles of books and yellowed scraps of paper. Medical equipment beeped and glowed blue in the dim shadowy corners. Daniel turned his head and gasped. He saw an enormous square glass tank filled with a dull pink fluid. Inside the tank he saw himself, naked, his skin pink and wrinkled like a fetus. He was bald and his eyes were puffy and closed. A long ribbed umbilical cord connected him at the belly to a large pulsing fleshy sac at the back of the tank. Little specks of skin and flesh floated in the amniotic bath.

Daniel stared horrified at his fetal self for a long while, not realizing that there was a wild eyed woman standing next to him. The man, a tall willowy doctor with tight gray hair and pale brown eyes, looked over at him with a wide grin, her teeth yellow from years of drinking coffee. She looked like his mother.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" The doctor said. Daniel said nothing. "I've grown him in this lab for thirty three years. He' matured into a full adult without ever leaving his tank. He knows nothing beyond the glass. He spends most of the time dreaming but sometimes he is awake too. He's a curious thing, my boy. He's even begun exploring his body and pleasuring himself. He is so happy." She said in wonder. Daniel looked sideways at her and realized she no longer looked like his mother but every girl who's ever cared for him. "He's in paradise, you know? Safe in his womb. I protect him. I keep him safe. He get's everything he can possibly need. He's ignorant to the world so he knows no pain and suffering. All he knows is contentment. My baby."

"God." He groaned and backed away. She watched him go with intense eyes, her face flickering between his mother, aunt, cousins and ex-girlfriends. "Why. Wont. It. Stop!" he screamed the words and the whole world shook around him. The world became a blur and when it stopped shaking he found himself standing at the foot of his bed again, his eyes trained on the small empty vial on his nightstand. He felt a calm lucidity slip over him and wash away the anxiety and uncomfortable uneasiness that had slowly crept up his spine since he woke up. For the first time in days he felt sober. "Thank God. At least its finally over."

Chapter Two

Shaken, Daniel opened his door and walked into his living room. Blue light poured in through the windows and bathed the room in a comforting afternoon glow. His television sat there quietly in the dark right across from a pea-green wing back chair. Behind the chair was a low dark coffee table filled with more paper plates, dusty piles of weed ash, empty soda bottles and a trio of tall colorful bongs. A dirty yellow couch was set against the wall with two tall brass lamps that flanked it on either side. Daniel strode through the dancing flecks of dust into a small kitchen with small dark cabinets, a bulky white fridge and a sink full of dirty dishes

.

Daniel paused and quickly thumbed through the lightly-stained china ware to make sure there were no more maggots crawling around in there. Satisfied, he opened his fridge and looked inside. The white interior was tinted yellow by a thick layer of grease, its color exaggerated by the humming interior light. The white plastic trays were dotted with dark splotches of dried General Tsao's sauce and tomato chunks. The fridge was mostly empty save for a half-empty milk carton, a barren box of Miller Lite Beer, half a dozen tupper ware containers with week-old left-overs and a paper plate that had a stack of hard, crusty pizza slices. Daniel reached in and pulled out the milk, grabbed a box of Honey Oat Cheerios and then retrieved the cleanest bowl and spoon he could find and walked over to his wing back chair.

Daniel set all the breakfast items onto a wooden TV dinner tray that was caked in a thin layer of gray ash and plopped down in his seat. A white cloud of settled marijuana ash poofed up and then dissipated into the air. Daniel dug under his ass and pulled out the bulky gray television remote and turned on the TV. He flicked over to a channel playing old Hanna Barbara cartoons and assembled his breakfast. He noticed the milk had a sour smell to it but it wasn't bad enough to make him stop eating. Daniel watched the Jetson's scamper across space with dull interest, just grateful to have something distract him for the time being. The centipede kept creeping back into his mind, and each time he saw the thing slither down the drain he made a sour face. He ate another spoonful then spat it out. It tasted real sour. He looked down and noticed curdles of milk floating around in his bowl.

"Fucking gross!" Daniel yelled. He had to stop himself from flipping the TV tray over. He scooped up the bowl in his hands and ran over into the sink and dumped it out. The clumpy white stuff clung to the side of the bowl for a moment before falling into the garbage disposal. He felt a hard knot in his stomach and bent over just in time to vomit his breakfast into the sink. Amidst the cluster of soggy white cheerios he saw a puddle of gray milk with knobby white curds floating on top. He numbly stared down at the rotten milk for a moment and then washed it away with water. Daniel spun around and leaned back against the counter on his hands. There is no way he would have eaten rotten milk like that. No way. "I must still be seeing shit." he said to himself. "Keep cool, bro. Keep cool."

Daniel shakily returned to his chair and sat down again. His stomach grumbled and his head ached. He was still hungry and thirsty but after that there was no way he was ready to eat something else. He tried watching the TV again. Now the Flintstones were at a drive in theater, a tiny pterodactyl squawked at them as they stuffed bags of popcorn into their mouths. He felt even hungrier now. Daniel patted his stomach as gurgled.

"Hold on there. Let me level out a bit first." he cooed to it. His tummy responded with another irritable burble. Daniel sunk into the chair and watched the rest of the episode. His thumb tap-tap-tapped the controller to turn the volume up and down to compensate for the constant change in the pitch and timbre of television, another side effect of the drug. He also noticed the colors grew brighter and more vivid, only to darken the next moment. He glanced around the room to see that everything had a surreal, painted look. Like he was in an M.C. Escher painting. One wall, an empty expanse between his television and basement, had a brilliant golden glow to it.

Da... Da... Dani... Daniel... A cool, calm voice said from the wall. Daniel regarded the will with an irritated-yet-amused look.

" Oookay. Definitely still tripping." He sighed to himself. "God when is this shit gonna end?"

Daniel reached down the side of the chair and grabbed the three-day old newspaper that was slumped on the ground next to him. Trying to ignore the strange sounds and colors around him he thumbed through the paper to the help wanted section. He scanned down the job postings to look for something that might fit him. A receptionist? He barely knew how to use a computer. A mechanic? Nope. Sales Associate? Sure, until they find out he was fired from FYE for stealing CD's and smoking pot in the back room on his breaks. Still, it was worth a shot. And even if he didn't get it he could tell his unemployment representative that at least tried to get a job. And as a bonus he could get his parents off his ass about finding a new job.

Of course they didn't seem to care that he was laid off, not fired, from his telemarketing position, and that the market is so bad even college graduates can't find a new career. Still, as long as he at least tried they wouldn't jump on him so bad. Daniel heaved his shoulders with an exaggerated shrug and copied down the information. As he scribbled the phone number and address of the department store into a clean sheet of paper towel he heard a strange sound coming from the vents.

Daniel paused and looked up. The scraping sound returned again, a dry scratchy sound of something being dragged across a metal surface.

"Just the AC." he said dismissively, and the pen bounced between his thumb and pointer finger again. He heard the scrapping sound again, this time a hurried scuttle that stopped periodically and returned to the long dragging of before. There was no pattern, rhyme or reason to the sounds. "I'm just hearing shit." he said, but there was a nervous tone in his voice. "Come on this shit better wear off soon." He tried ignoring that weird sound until a low warbling coo floated out from the vents, like a pigeon being drowned. "Okay what the fuck is that?" Daniel stood up and walked over to the vent and looked inside.

It was pitch black inside but he could see movement somewhere down the shaft. The odd noises continued for a few moments then faded as whatever it was that was making it moved away from him. Daniel tore himself away and sat down in his chair again, listening for that sound. It was gone now, or at least too quiet to register.

"It's in your head, dude. Stop being a spazz." he told himself. He laid his head back against the chair and stared up at the cracked white ceiling. He swore the roof was throbbing in and out, like the house was breathing.

Daniel closed his eyes and squared his jaw, trying to remain calm. He was definitely in a bad place. He was let go from his job four months before, followed by his girlfriend dumping him two weeks after that. Daniel never felt comfortable with himself, and after spending three years trying out different classes he dropped out of college. Nothing seemed to interest him. He was your typical unmotivated underachiever, taking whatever shitty job he could to support himself. Jobs that led him nowhere. He wanted to be a rock star when he was young, but after a decade playing musical chairs with band members he could barely get a gig, much less a record deal or a touring slot with some more famous band to get their names out. Nope, Daniel Woldt was a loser through and through, and at 33 he was starting to feel the crushing guilt and disappointment of letting his youth slip away in a haze of drug abuse and halfhearted stabs at fame. No wonder he was having such a bad trip.

Daniel sat there quietly for a long while trying not to let his depression overcome him. A loud banging in his basement stirred him from his ruminations.

"What the fuck now?" he moaned. He listened carefully and heard some more scrapping sounds beneath him. "What. The. Fuck. Is. That?" he asked aloud. Against his better judgment (he was still tripping after all), he decided to check it out. Daniel headed for his basement stairs and paused at the door. He placed his ear against the dark wood and listened again. Nothing except the raspy huffing of the AC unit. He slowly opened the door and looked down into the yawning maw. An abyss of shadows saturating everything beyond the first ten steps. "This is, like, the worst fucking idea ever." he said to himself. Daniel sucked in his breath and descended the stairs.

The basement is probably the worst place to go when you're tripping, and Daniel's basement was no exception. Dark creaky wooden stairs and walls swollen from the cool damp air protested his every step. The shadows thinned out slightly as he reached the bottom, banished to the dark crooks and corners of the basement by the boxy streams of white light that streamed in from small rectangular windows. The dull gray concrete walls and floor had the soft glow of afternoon sun, and shadowy wooden rafters hid an army of spiders just above. Daniel shuffled his way through the dark basement as he batted the air before him in search of the hanging light bulb near the bottom of the stairs. He finally found the long white string and yanked hard.

Yellow flooded the room, and he swore he could see cockroaches scatter all around him. Black water-damage lines snaked up the walls and across the floor, and bulging cardboard boxes containing his old toys and stuff from his teenage years sat against one wall. The bitter-sweet scent of wet paper and mold hung in the still air. He glanced over at the maze of rusted metal pipes, fuse boxes, water heaters and the strangely shaped furnace and air-conditioning units that looked like odd, patient monsters when the lights were off. He could easily imagine getting lost in the maze of old metal in the state he was in so he turned away, determined to keep focused on the task at hand. Something crashed down here in the basement and he had to figure out what. He turned a corner and almost walked into the biggest spider web he had ever seen in his life.

The spider web was massive, spanning from the ceiling all the way to the floor and both walls of the tiny concrete section where the washer and drier were kept. The strands were as thick as yarn and had a translucent white color to them. An intricate pattern was spun from the center out, and from a distance, it looked like some strange arcane symbol was outlined in the strands.

"Jesus. Is this real?" he asked aloud and stepped forward to take a closer look. He heard a squeaking sound and looked down to see a small white mouse stuck in the strands, its little legs pumping furious circles as it hung there in the thread. Daniel looked around and noticed flies, moths, centipedes, more mice and even a small bird were all stuck in the web, each one rotting or half digested. One tiny black bird was trapped near the top, its wings stretched out and head slowly moving back and forth while its mouth silently opened and closed. The bird stared up at him with numb, pained filled black eyes, its mouth opening again as if to catch breath. The bird reminded him of Jesus on the cross. "This is fucked up, man." He said to himself as he backed away. Then he heard the scratching sound again.

Daniel spun around and looked over to see a pile of red and black books slumped over one of the bulging cardboard boxes. The scratching sound ceased, but he knew it was coming from the books. He took in a deep breath and waited. Nothing happened. He slowly walked over and kicked the books with one foot. He jumped back and waited again, expecting something to jump out at him. Nothing again. He was about to turn around when one of the books trembled slightly. He slowly backed away as he heard more of that skitch-scratch sound again. He saw movement underneath the books and watched as long spindly legs poked out from the shadows one in front of the other. The spider was huge, at least a quarter in size, twice that if you include the leg span. Daniel froze in place as he stared down at the thing, and the spider seemed to stop and stare back.

He took a step away and it crept forward. He took another step back and it moved with him. It's following me! Spiders don't do that! He thought frantically to himself. The spider moved forward even closer, crouched down and then leaped up into the air toward him. Daniel cried out and dove to the side, landing hard on his shoulder. He stared in terror at the spider as it half turned to face him. They faced off with each other for a long moment, the only sound was his breathing.

"Leave me alone!" he screamed at the thing. The spider cocked its head, its tiny red eyes glowing, yes glowing, in the shadows of the furnace. The spider then rushed forward again, causing Daniel to scramble to his feet. It leaped up into the air and landed on his shoulder, but he swatted it away with the back of his hand. The spider bounced off the wall and rolled to a standing position before rushing at him again.

The spider chased Daniel all around the basement while leaping at him, its little pincers nipping at his exposed skin. No matter where he ran it followed. If he stopped it stopped with him. If he ran it chased. If he tried to swat it or step on it the little thing nimbly dodged out of the way and tried to bite him again. His arms were covered with red bruises from the bites, and each one throbbed and pulsated, sending little waves of pain up and down body. He tried to make his way to the stairs but, for some reason, his basement seemed to go on forever. Or maybe he was just getting turned around? Finally, he turned a corner and saw an opening to the stairs. Daniel threw his body to the side to avoid another bite from the spider and sprinted toward his destination. He planted his hand on the wall and pushed himself up the first three stairs. Daniel ran up as fast as he could and barreled through the door. Daniel slammed it behind him and heard a loud thud followed by a horrible screech. He stood with his back against the door as it banged against it over and over until, finally, it went quiet and he heard it slink away into the dark recesses of the basement.

Daniel stood there for a long while, breathing hard as he stared at his front door. He wanted to run outside and go as far away as he could from that thing but shook the thought away.

"Dude you just seeing things, man. I'm fucking tripping. That, that thing wasn't real!" he said to himself. But it seemed so real. Nothing, not even acid, can make something feel that real. He thought to himself as he slumped down the door. This shit is fucked up. Whatever I took was really hardcore. I gotta talk to Anthony and figure out what I put in my body. Daniel rose to his feet and walked over to the wing back chair and sat down again, his eyes focused on the basement door. He grabbed his phone to call Anthony but when he looked down he saw the numbers were all jumbled and rearranged. "Fuck."

Daniel tried to punch in the number by remembering where the buttons were and hit talk. He held the phone up to his ear. His hand shook and was covered in cold sweat. He heard a beep followed by ringing.

"Come on come on pick up man." Daniel chanted. He needed to talk to someone else. The phone clicked and there was a pause followed by low static. A robotic man's voice cut in what sounded like a bored anchorman mumbling through the last story before signing off.

"There were reports of lights... N...t...ern W...sc...in... C...ua...on F...est... dy recov..." the voice said, his voice coming in and out as the static seemed to intensify. Daniel looked at the phone and hung up then tried dialing again. This time he heard the phone click but there was nothing but heavy silence on the other end.

"Hello?" he asked into the phone. There was no response other than heavy breathing. He heard a loud terrified scream through the phone, the voice sounding tinny and metallic through the tiny speaker.

Daniel dropped the phone and backed away. There was another beep and the screaming stopped. He fell back onto his couch and buried his face in his hands and nearly cried.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am never tripping again!" he almost sobbed. He rubbed his hands down his face and trembled. "This is so... fucking... fuck! I gotta stop... gotta stop... gotta stop freaking out!" He banged his fist on the couch cushion and steeled himself. He laid back on the couch and closed his eyes, trying to sleep it off but he couldn't get the image of that spider or the horrible shrieks out of his head. Thankfully, everything seemed to calm down then but he could still tell he was tripping. He wanted it to stop but it just kept going on and on. After what felt like an hour he decided he couldn't wait around anymore. How much longer till the next nightmare rears its ugly head? He had to find out what he took and how to make it stop. Daniel swung his legs forward and stood up. If he couldn't talk to Anthony on the phone there was only one other way he could reach him. Daniel walked to his front door and stepped outside.

Chapter Three

It was a beautiful May afternoon, and the second Daniel stepped out the front door he was glad he decided to go outside. Sunshine always had a way of making a bad trip better. It was warm but not too hot, the sun showering golden rays of comfort on his hunched shoulders. The colors were nothing short of brilliant; the cloudless sky was an endless sheet of sapphire stretched beyond the horizon, the grass an undulating ocean of jade. Tall healthy poplar trees with bright green canopies grew along the length of Fitch Street, their long tweedy limbs forming an arch over the spotless gray road. The usual sounds of summer filled the thick, sun-saturated air; crickets chirping, lawn mowers growling, a hound baying at a squirrel, children laughing and the steady chink-chink-chink of a sprinkler watering a lawn.

A long series of tidy white houses lined the block. The neighborhood locals went about their usual just-before-dinner business. A pair of old spinsters were lightly jogging down the sidewalk on the other side of the street laughing at some juicy gossip. An older man in a Hawaiian shirt and white Panama hat stood with is elbow resting on a post watched him walk by with suspicious interest. A throng of young boys and girls ran up and down another street chasing a cantankerous ice-cream truck, their excited shouts drowning out every other sound. A pair of thin, dark skinned Laotian girls, the Hmong sisters, watched him pass while standing on their chipped gray porch, their sharp eyes silently tracing his every step.

Daniel turned right from Fitch Street onto Long Lake Lane, an aptly-named stretch of street that housed many of the business in the small Western Michigan town of Campton. Daniel walked past a bustling Kroger grocery store to his right, the parking lot filled with the rattle of shopping carts and the solid thud of car doors being slammed shut. To his left was a trio of small businesses; Milton's Hobby Store, Ming's Authentic Chinese Grocer and Maxwell's Hardware, or the 'three M's' to the locals. He passed the crosswalk on Hemingway Street where the town's post office and DMV were on the right, Lansing Funeral Home on the left. Past Frost Street there was a McDonalds, a Taco Bell, Two Horses department store and the town library, a tall glassy building a small and clean parking lot set in front of it. Thoreau Street housed many more small business and restaurants and a Shell Gas station.

The thick scent of cooking pasta, garlic and tomato sauce wafted out of the vents of Mamma Mia's Italian Restaurant and Daniel's belly gurgled again. He grabbed his stomach and braced himself against a graffiti-ridden stop sign. It must have been at least a day since the last time he ate anything, and whatever he did eat the day before went out his mouth after injecting that weird drug into his veins. He thought about stopping into Mama Mia's but decided he didn't want to sit down and try to eat a full meal while still hallucinating. Daniel looked down the block and saw a Checkers Drive Thru halfway between Thoreau Street and Emerson Drive. Cars streamed out of the two drive-thru's that flanked the tiny black and white checkered building but the cramped walk-in area was empty as usual. Good.

Daniel walked up and stepped inside the cramped dark area, a long rectangle-shaped room surrounded in glass and bright neon lights. There was no furniture or even a plant inside, just an empty room with a menu and two sliding glass windows. Dusty beams of sunlight illuminated the menu and windows but left the rest of the cramped room swathed in gray shadows. He pretended to read the menu while he gathered his courage. Food wasn't the only reason he stopped here. He waited with a heavy lump and his head spun. He reached out and grabbed the counter ledge to stop from falling over. God I wish this high would end. He thought to himself as he heard the glass window slide open and he heard a familiar voice.

"Danny? Are you okay?"

Daniel turned over to see Mandy Serrano standing there, her soft hands folded in front of her. Her head was tilted sideways, her chin slightly down as she looked him up and down with her dark almond-shaped eyes, a look that was equally curious and suspicious. She was a pretty girl with swarthy skin and long dark-brown hair that hung down her back in a ponytail. She was slightly on the thick side but Daniel was okay with that. He loved to admire her curves, especially late at night when they were in bed together and the moonlight illuminated her soft tanned flesh. He used to run his fingers across her naked body while they stared each other in the eyes, smiling at one another. The thought of her naked body caused a stir down below, and Daniel shifted his legs to hide his growing erection.

"Danny?" She asked again, her light voice now filled with concern.

"Oh, uh sorry. I'mma lil out of it." he mumbled, trying not to look down her open red work shirt. Mandy must have noticed since she tucked the folds of her collar together.

"No shit." she shifted her weight and narrowed her already sharp eyes. "What are you on?" she asked.

"Uh... I don't know. Trying to figure that out." he managed a reply, feeling even woozier. She sighed and looked away.

"Now there's a surprise." she huffed sarcastically. "What the hell do you want?"

"I want some food. And I want to talk to you." he said, steadying himself.

"What do you want?" she asked, her hand hovering over the cash register.

"A Big Buford, a large fry and a large Dr. Pub." he punctuated each word.

"Kay. That will be seven o' three." she said, holding out her hand. He jammed his hand into his back pocket and slid out his wallet. He slowly opened it and looked inside. The letters and numbers on his bills were all jumbled so he took out a wad of them and handed them over. Mandy raised an eyebrow and handed most of the cash back. "Jesus. You must be really fucked up."

"Yeah. Look, I'm having a bad trip and I really need to talk to someone." he said, pushing up against the counter with the palms of his hands and then bouncing himself back.

"And you thought that someone should be me, huh?" She said, looking behind her to make sure no one was trying to listen in. "We broke up, like, four months ago."

"Three and a half." he corrected, holding up a finger.

"Whatever. This is exactly why I broke up with you in the first place... you were high all the time and you never tried doing anything with your life. I loved you baby but I couldn't enable you like that."

"Why does everyone feel like they have to do something with their life?" he asked, holding out his hands. "Why can't people just be content with being content? That's beside the point. Mandy, I didn't want to come here to argue with you, okay? I'm having a bad trip. I just... I just wanted someone to talk me down a little bit, you know? We were close."

"Were." she pointed out. "Until you let the drugs come between us." She shifted her weight again. "Just like now."

"I just miss you, okay?" he nearly shouted. Mandy looked behind her and shot him a sharp glance. He softened his voice so it was almost a whisper. "I really miss you and I wanted to see you. You always make me feel better, especially during times like this."

Mandy softened her stare and shifted a third time, a little habit she did when she was feeling anxious or uncomfortable.

"I miss you too." she said breathlessly, her jaw trembling. He could see a tear welling in her eye. "I just... I just can't be with someone like you. After we broke up I swore to myself I would never be with another guy like that. You... things were great at first. Everything was perfect, but then you started using harder and harder drugs, Danny. Once you started with the PCP and Meth again..." she let the sentence trail off.

"I'll stop." he promised.

"Heard that before." she said.

"I mean it. I'm having this really bad trip and I decided I don't want to do this anymore. Life sucks right now and I want a second chance. I fucked up, I know. But everyone deserves a second chance."

"What about a third? A fourth? A fifth?" she bitterly shot back. "How many times have you told me you were going to stop? How many times have I caught you taking money out of my purse? How many times do I have to pick you up at the precinct because some cop found you tripping balls at three in the morning? I can't do this anymore, Danny. I love you, you know that, but I'm not your baby sitter."

"You won't." he promised again, but it sounded hollow even to him. She shook her head.

"I don't believe you." she said, biting her bottom lip. The line cook slide her his order and she gave him his food in a crisp white paper bag. He snatched it away and grabbed his drink, his hand touching hers for a brief second. He missed the warmth of her skin.

"Just one more chance, baby. I'll do it right this time. I promise. Think about it, okay? That's all I ask." he asked, looking her in the eyes. She stared back at him for a long while and swallowed.

"Okay." she breathed. "I'll give you that."

Daniel smiled and walked out. It wasn't quite the victory he was hoping for, but at least it was something. Talking to Mandy always seemed to help him come down, like she was an anchor who made sure he didn't drift too far away. He felt better, and found a nice plastic outdoor table to sit at under the large oak tree that grew out on the other side of the drive-thru. He gazed out at the small park on the opposite side of Long Lake Lane. Really little more than a cluster of oak trees with a colorful plastic jungle-gym, a swing set in the center and a baseball diamond on the far side, the park was a favorite haunt of schoolchildren looking to kill time before coming home for dinner. He watched the wind blow undulating waves of emerald along the sea of grass. The taller trees swayed in the wind, their green leaves shuttering and whispering songs into the afternoon breeze. Rays of sunlight shot beams through openings in their canopies, painting the fields in sharp strokes of gold and green. Beyond the trees he could hear children scream and laugh as they played a rather vigorous game of baseball. Their excitement for their impending summer vacations was almost palpable.

Daniel basked in the glory of summer as he wolfed down his food. He was so hungry he barely had a chance to taste it. He leaned back in his chair and let out a loud belch that seemed to echo between the trees. He felt good, and for the first time that day he wondered if the trip really wasn't so bad after all. Still, good trip or bad trip, he was still high as a kite and needed to find some way to come down. His parents invited him over for dinner the next day and if went there still high they might get mad enough to kick him out of the tiny house they bought for him. Being jobless was bad enough. Being homeless and jobless would be a total nightmare.

Daniel stood up and threw away his garbage in the hard plastic trash bin before hitting the sidewalk again. He continued his journey to Anthony's house with a little extra pep in his step. He strode through lengthening shadows and turned down Emerson Drive, his hands in his pockets. He wondered if Mandy was being honest about thinking about giving him another chance. His life had felt so empty since she was gone, and in many ways, losing her was worse than losing his job. She was the best thing in his life when they were together, and he wondered why the hell he jeopardized what they had for drugs. Of all the stupid things he's done in his life, and there were a lot of them, that had to be the worst. If she only gave him a second chance he would show her he's serious. Sure he said it before, but this time he meant business. If anyone can help put his life back together it was Mandy.

Daniel came to a stop in front of a tall, thin two story house sandwiched halfway between Long Lake Lane and Cady Avenue. A pair of massive trees flaked the house on either side, ensuring that as little sunlight would reach the dark wooden building with its steep, slanted roof as possible. This served the DiMarcos fine as they were a family of hermits who rarely liked to venture out into the world. Anthony's family was small but messy. His mother, Pam, was a fat slob of a woman with greasy olive skin, a ruddy pock-marked face and short black hair cut into a very ugly bowl cut. His younger brother Henry was equally obese, a roly-poly kid who didn't so much as walk but roll wherever he had to go. His body and face had the round shape of a beach ball, and his eyes were hidden behind folds of fat, his lips distended in a puckered blow-fish-like expression at all times. And then there was Anthony who, in comparison with his mother and brother, was actually in good shape.

Daniel walked up and knocked on the door. Pam answered with a cigarette in one hand and a phone in the other. She wore stain-covered gray sweat pants and a blue 'NoBama' sweater that was plastered to her body by a thin layer of salt-encrusted sweat. She looked down at him and rolled her eyes.

"He's in his room." she said in her gruff voice and then walked over and plopped down on her couch. He guided his way through the dark and smoky living room, the dark book shelves, entertainment center and furniture barely outlined by the blue glow of the television set. He had to pick his way carefully across the carpet so he wouldn't trip over Henry's plastic bulldozers and wrestling action figures. Beyond the living room he could see the messy, mostly bare kitchen where Henry sat at the table playing his Wii U while his homework lay in piles before him. The kitchen was lit with an eerie brownish-yellow light. Combined with the arched-shaped doorway it made the dirty room seem like the gateway to someplace sinister. He felt a wave of discomfort run up and down his spine. Not quite fear but a sensation that he didn't want to be there. Shit. Daniel thought. The bad trip is coming back.

Daniel walked up the narrow stairwell that led to the bedrooms, sliding his hand across the hard railing to guide his way through the darkness. The stairwell was dark and gloomy, and the stale scent of Marijuana and over-cooked Spaghetti hung in the air. Each stair squeaked and groaned under his feet, and he swore the entire length was covered in spider webs. Daniel remembered the spider from before and shuttered. No. Keep cool, man. Don't let yourself go back there. It was all in your head, dude. Just keep focused and Anthony will be able to help me out. He made it to Anthony's door and knocked on the dark cherry wood. There was no response at first but he could hear the faint sound of a girl giggling and the squeak-squeak of someone pushing back against a swivel chair. Daniel knocked again, harder this time, and heard the squeaking stop.

"Go away." Anthony growled.

"Dude it's me, Danny. I need to talk to you, man." Daniel said, putting his lips as close to the door as he could.

"Not a good time, dude." Anthony replied.

"I really need your help, man. Please let me in." Daniel said, sounding desperate. He heard Anthony cough and mutter to himself.

"Fine. Come in."

The door creaked as Daniel pushed himself inside. He saw Anthony sitting with his back to him hunched in front of his computer, the room bathed in the same blue glow as the living room below. His room was even more cramped than the rest of his house; his bed taking up most of the space on the right and his drawers and TV on the left. A single window was set against the back left of the room right next to a closet filled with so much junk he couldn't even close the door. A pile of dirty clothes sat just under the window. The shades were drawn so that not even a tiny line of sunlight could shine through. Anthony's computer was set against the back right corner of the room on a thick wooden desk that was covered in a sticky layer of spilled soda, Marijuana ashes, dried food flecks and puddles of lube from masturbation. Crumpled pieces of tissue paper were piled in a small metal waste basket next to computer. Anthony, he could see, was still moving his hand in his lap. He didn't know what he was watching on the computer but knew it was going to be something disturbing.

Daniel felt a wave of nausea hit and had to sit down on the bed. Something about the whole scene disgusted him and he felt that same uncomfortable feeling he did when he had his last bad trip. This was a very bad place to be right now.

"S-sorry for disturbing you, man." He managed, shuttering at the slow rubbing sound coming from the back corner of the room. He couldn't believe Anthony was still going at it even though he was there. There is no way a shy kid like him would do that. No way.

"You're not disturbing me, dude." Anthony grunted. Daniel scratched his head and rubbed his hands over his face. He was really feeling it now, like he was submerged in a pool of filth. His trip was about to get really, really bad.

"I can come back later." Daniel replied.

"It's cool. Shoot." Anthony grunted between jerks.

"Dude I feel weird talking to you when you're... you know... doing that." Daniel said, looking away.

"Everybody does it. So what." Anthony held up one hand dismissively. "I can multi-task. Besides I just downloaded this new video from Vietnam. It's fucking crazy, man, so I couldn't help myself. Come check it out."

"I'd rather not."

"Come on, man. It will only take a second."

Every fiber in his being told him not to go. What he saw probably wasn't what was really there, but for some reason he felt drawn to it. Like he had to. He was no longer a participant in his trip but an observer. He walked over and glanced over Anthony's big sweaty shoulder. He saw something that was so bizarre it was disturbing. There was a young Asian girl, Vietnamese he assumed, wearing a pink bikini while lying on the bottom of some dark blue pool. In her arms she held a slimy slick-skinned brown octopus, its tentacles slowly caressing and wrapping around her almost naked body. The girl was smiling and giggling, bubbles rising up from her mouth in cloudy white circles. How the hell is she even breathing?

"What the fuck is this shit?" Daniel asked in a shaky voice, clearly disturbed.

"Octopus porn." Anthony answered matter-of-factly.

"What... the fuck?"

"It's fucking hot, right?" Anthony said, looking up at him. He had a wide, glazed look in his eyes. He was still tripping too, it seems, but on a completely different wavelength. An alien one.

"This is fucked up." Daniel said, trying to look away. "No way is this real."

"Who cares if it is? It's got me going." Anthony added.

"Whatever dude. I need some help."

"With what?"

"That fucking shit we took yesterday... I'm still tripping."

"Me too. Fucking rad, right?"

"No, not fucking rad, man. I'm having a bad trip and I'm not coming down."

"That sucks." Anthony shrugged. "What you want me to do about it?"

"You gotta tell me what we took, man. This shit's got to end." Daniel said desperately. Anthony replied with another shrug.

"Like I said, it was experimental, man. I don't know shit about it." his grin grew even wider. "Check this part, man. This is where things start getting really hot."

As Anthony said the words one of the octopuses tentacles started caressing between her legs then up into belly. Then the girl let out a moan as one of the tentacles slipped into the bottom part of her bathing suit. She seemed to really, really enjoy it; her head going back and her eyes closing. Daniel felt like he was going to puke and pushed away from the computer screen. He held his face in his shaking hands. He never felt so disturbed in his life.

"I need you- I need you to call your T-Cap, okay man? I need to find some way to get off of this shit before I go crazy." Anthony replied with a grunt. "Please man I need your help. We gotta find out what the fuck we took."

"You took." Anthony clarified. Daniel's hands ran down his face and he peered at him through his fingers.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice low.

"Dude you totally passed out for, like, thirty minutes after injecting that shit so I just got some mushrooms and shit so I could trip with you." Anthony replied between grunts.

"What the fuck? Why didn't you tell me that shit?" Daniel growled. Anthony shrugged for a third time.

"Didn't seem important." he said casually.

"Didn't seem important?" Daniel stood up so fast he felt dizzy. "So I'm the only one fucked up on this shit?"

"Yep. Guess so. Hey can you leave, man. I'm about to finish." Anthony said, half turning back to him. Beyond him he could see the girl scream and arch her back, and the octopus stretch back itself. A thick brown net-like substance shot out from the octopus and covered around the girl. "This is the best part!"

What the fuck is that? What the fuck is going on? "Fine. Just promise me you'll call T-Cap, okay? I really need to find out more about this shit."

"I'll call him when I'm done." Anthony said, his voice high and his teeth bared. "Dude, go before I go." Daniel watched the Vietnamese girl giggle and wink at the camera, now octopus free, with that brown net-thing still wrapped around her. What the fuck is that thing around her?

"Okay. Later." Daniel managed to choke out, trying not to gag. He had enough of this scene. He needed to get out of this place. Daniel left the room and closed the door behind him and looked down the stairwell. That's when he realized his nightmare had just begun.

Chapter Four

The stairwell down was not a straight shot like before but a winding spiral that twisted around a central pillar. The stairs were old and decrepit, some of them swollen with water damage while others were slanted and loose. The cobwebs were thicker and hung down in white wispy strands. Tiny streaks of urine-yellow colored light shot through holes in the wall, not the golden sunshine he sought refuge in just an hour before but darker and laced with shadow. Daniel pushed up against the wall and peered through one of the holes. He was looking into the bathroom but now it was filthy beyond compare. Black grime lined the areas where the floor, walls and ceilings met. The walls were yellowed, the paint peeling to reveal an ugly brown wooden interior. Brown stains of dried feces caked the walls and floor, and the stench of piss was overpowering. Black mold lined the bathtub and sink, and the mirror was shattered. Some brown-red fluid filled the toilet bowl, and something that looked like a baby-doll's arm floated in circles in the center.

"Oh my God." Daniel muttered to himself, holding his hand over his mouth. He pushed off the wall and tried descending the stairs. He needed to get out of the house. Each step squeaked and groaned as if they were about to give out, and he could see thousands of tiny spider eyes peering at him from the shadows. The more he walked down the stairs the longer they seemed to grow, as if they went on and on and on without end. He made a conscious effort not to look into any more of those holes, but each time he heard a strange sound or the movement of shadow he found himself drawn to the holes. After hearing the steady beep of an ECG machine he looked into a hole to see a very old and emaciated woman, Daniel's dead grandmother, laying in a bed, an IV connected to her arm. She was so thin she looked like a pale white skeleton with wrinkled, sore infested flesh stretched over bent, arthritic bone. Everything in her room was draped in white cloth, and the woman looked over, her stringy white hair laying limply over her shoulder. The old woman looked up at him with her milky white eyes and she pointed at him, her tiny arms shaking.

Daniel shook his head and backed off, trying to tell himself it was all in his mind. Just a bad trip. Next he heard a sharp clang and the sound of metal and plastic skidding against hard linoleum. He peered into another hole and saw the kitchen, but this time it was completely empty except for the fridge, its door hung ajar and that sickly yellow light streaming out. Henry sat in front of the fridge, his legs splayed out wide. He gorged himself on everything inside in a disgusting ritual of hedonism. Henry shoved a dozen raw hot dogs into his mouth and tossed the plastic package aside and then grabbed a plastic container and dug in. He pulled out handfuls of cold Salisbury steaks and jammed them into his obese, filth stained mouth. A half-eaten metal pot of spaghetti laid on its side next to him, the ground covered in macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and empty frozen food trays. Daniel had to cover his mouth as he watched Henry drink a half a gallon of milk, vomit up everything in his stomach and then finish the rest of before reaching into the fridge for something else.

Daniel gagged but kept his lunch. He made it to the bottom of the stairs and found himself in a big empty room with a huge pile of junk set in the center. Jagged pieces of broken furniture, a charred and still smoking dresser drawer, a soiled mattress and several broken toys were all piled together. A single music box sat on the top and a slow but creepy child's song played a crawling metallic song. Daniel looked behind himself and noticed that the stairs were no longer behind him. He had somehow ended up in one of the bedrooms near the bottom of the stairs.

"How the hell did I get here?" he asked himself. He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. He passed the bathroom and saw Anthony now in the bathtub up to his neck in filthy black water. His hand was moving under the pond scum and he could see brown octopus tentacles rising and falling underneath the inky abyss. "This isn't happening." Daniel ignored the scene and walked into the living room.

To his relief the living room looked the same, but on the TV he saw two lions tearing each other to pieces. Red streaks of blood ran down their yellow fur. He tried to ignore the gruesome scene until he came to Pam. She was sitting on the couch in the same position but now her arms and legs were missing, bright red stumps with bruises showing where her limbs were amputated and sewn shut. Henry was there now feeding her spoonful's of ice cream as she watched, her glazed eyes transfixed on the television set. He could smell the acrid scent of urine and feces again, and looked down to see a used bedpan sitting next to her on the couch.

"What the fuck you looking at?" Pam asked Daniel, her mouth caked with vanilla bean ice cream. "Henry?" She shifted her leg and raised one leg as the chubby boy slide the bed pan under her. Daniel gagged and ran out the house and stumbled onto the sidewalk.

Daniel fell onto his hands and knees and vomited into the grass while tears streamed down his face.

"My God when will it end? When will it fucking end?" he asked aloud and then looked up. He now noticed that the sky was endless expanse of blood red, and the grass, trees, houses and streets were all an inky black color. He felt like he was in the middle of a nightmare. He pushed himself up and stumbled down the sidewalk, taking a sharp left toward Long Lake Road. Strange noises blared and echoed all around him, a menagerie of sound with no consistency or sense to it. He heard the whine of a buzz saw, a car horn, a lion roar, a chugging boat engine and a baby crying. He held his head in his hand and charged down the sidewalk while trying to drown the weird sounds out. People stared at him as he passed, their skin a ghostly white color. Their eyes hollow black pits of emptiness. He heard random conversations come from them, though their mouths never moved.

Daniel made it to Long Lake Lane and saw what looked like a little pink worm stand up in the middle of the street and point its tip toward him. The worm twisted sideways and pointed down Long Lake Lane in a quick, jerky action. He shook his head and turned down the street anyway. He needed to get home if he's tripping this bad before some police spot him and drag him down to the police station. He passed the park on the right and looked over to see the kids still playing baseball but this time they weren't using ordinary balls. The pitcher had a white bucket next to him and every time he was about to throw a pitch he reached down and pulled up a fuzzy baby chicken. The boys would cheer as he threw the screaming chick and then laugh as the batter splattered the poor thing all across home plate, blood and feathers flew everywhere.

Horrified, Daniel pressed on, telling himself he was just seeing things. Scared and desperate, he stumbled toward the Checkers to find Mandy. He walked into the tiny dark room that smelled of fresh blood and cooking flesh and peered inside. The line cooks were still there, though now they were tossing screaming baby cows onto the grill and dunking clucking chickens into the deep fryer, their agonized cries bubbling up through the thick pool of boiling animal fat.

"Mandy? Mandy are you still here? I need your help!" He screamed into the glass. She was gone and the workers ignored him while they went on butchering the animals. Tears streamed down his face and Daniel backed out of the place and continued down the street.

The further he walked down Long Lake Lane the more bizarre the visions became. A bloody man in white clown make up and a yellow and red clown jumpsuit stumbled past him, his eyes red and dazed. The gossipy pair of spinsters from before sat at a picnic table on the far edge of the park playing poker. Blood caked the green painted wood and he could see a large butcher knife laying on the table. When one of them lost a hand they would both laugh and she would hold out her hand as the other picked up the knife. She cut off a finger in a quick, loud chop, blood spurted out and ran down the side of the table and dripped into the black grass. They then went on playing poker using their fingers as ante. Daniel turned away to see a tall, strange man with a thin pencil mustache and black slick-backed hair standing there in a black and white tuxedo. The man held a lit light bulb in his hands and his mouth was open, as if the light bulb was meant to illuminate whatever was in his mouth. The man did not blink or make a sound, and the only movement he made was to turn and follow Daniel as he walked past.

Daniel was sweating so much he had to wipe it from his eyes. He made it to Kroger's and saw that the store was now completely dark. Mothers were pushing their screaming children in shopping carts toward the store, the carts squeaky wheels grinding and clattering each time they bumped over a rock or break in the pavement. Other women were walking away from the store, their carts empty, and inside Daniel could hear what sounded like industrial machinery. A single tall chimney sputtered out spiraling gray smoke into the blood-colored sky.

"This is a nightmare." he muttered, so disturbed he felt numb. A rusted metal car backfired as it drove past, its suspension rattling as it bopped along. Black oil dripped out the back of the tail pipe and formed a long snaking trail behind the car. After a few seconds milky white maggots emerged from the oil, crawled around for a few moments before turning into flies that hovered a foot above the cracked, oil saturated concrete.

Weary, Daniel pressed on trying to ignore the shifting world around him. Hard white light strobed inside Maxwell's Hardware Store, a shadowy figure inside made jerky, pounding motions with some unseen tool. The figure looked up and its face appeared to be a solid lump of wrinkled pink flesh, a single glowing yellow eye peering out at him before turning its attention back to whatever it was working on. In Ming's Authentic Chinese Grocer a silhouetted woman sat behind a counter, her long fingers folded over her hands as she stared at Daniel through shelves filled with mason jars, each one holding some strange, twitching creature inside. Milton's Hobby Shop was had many winding train tracks and small black locomotives spewing clouds of inky black smoke that formed a fog that obscured the top half of the store.

Daniel finally made it to Finch Street, crossing Long Lake Lane at the crosswalk (which oddly seemed completely normal). After making it to the other side Daniel noticed dozens of slimy brown slugs wiggle out of the sewer drain and spill into the street. He walked on and passed the suspicious man in the white Panama hat still watching him while smoking a cigarette. His shirt was open and Daniel could see that his chest was cut upon to show his beating heart and black smoke-encrusted lungs. He blew smoke out of his nose and leaned forward.

"What are you looking at?" he asked.

"Nothing. Nothing." Daniel said, trying not to look at the gaping hole in his chest. He backed away and bumped into something soft. He turned around to see the Hmong Sisters standing there, looking at him with black empty eyes.

"Danny! Danny have you heard the news?" Cam asked, her grin twisting into a toothless smile. "Bian is finally pregnant! Her husband is so happy!" Daniel looked over at Bian, who looked almost skeletal, her face emotionless and sallow. Her tanned skin almost gray.

"Uh... you are?" he asked, confused.

"Yeah! Isn't it wonderful! Show him Bian!"

Bian reached down and grabbed the bottom of her faded red shirt and pulled it up. Her torso looked hallowed out like a cadaver that had been prepared for embalming, and inside stood an infant child, its soft pink skin gleaming in the night. Its chubby little hands were wrapped around her rib cage, its tiny face peering out at him from under her breast bone. Its dark eyes glittered in the night. The baby let out a soft cry and started shaking her rib cage in an angry little tantrum.

"Oh don't mind him. He's just shy. Bian?" As Cam said the words Bian lowered her shirt again and the baby went quit, though Daniel could still see movement as its little hands bumped and poked at the fabric. Daniel back away, horrified, and started running down the street.

The world warped and spun around him, buildings rising up and falling back, and the sky eating the ground or vice versa. Daniel found his house and burst in the front door and ran down the steps. _Ran down the steps?_ He thought, coming to a stop. _Why am I in my basement?_ Then, just as suddenly as he realized he was in the basement, he found himself standing in front of that same spider web. It was dark now, the only illumination coming from that hanging light bulb. The ugly yellow light made the web cast long shadows against the back wall, the twitching of the birds and insects exaggerated by thick tenebrous lines. He heard the books shift and shuffle in the corner. The spider was back, except this time it was much worse. What looked like a long, thick pale green finger poked out from under the book followed by another and a third. Daniel could only watch in horror as the spider squeezed its way out from underneath the book.

The spider was, quite simply, the ugliest thing he'd had ever seen. It was huge, its body the size of a baseball, with eight finger sized legs splayed out in every direction. The body was horrible whitish-green color, like rotting flesh, and its eyes bulging milky-white bubbles that gawked curiously up at him. The thorax was a bulging, veiny sac that hung off its back and dragged against the ground, the source of that obnoxious scratching sound. What really freaked Daniel out, however, was the _skin_ , a thin layer of flesh that stretched over its knobby finger like legs. Veins could be seen pulsing underneath the extended skin, and a ribbed spine-like line ran down its backside into its thorax, the ridges almost poking out of the skin. The monster looked like a combination of a spider and a human hand.

"Oh. My. God." Daniel rasped, his voice barely a whisper. "What the fuck-- what the fuck _is_ that thing?" The spider crawled forward, its leg-fingers moving in synchronized succession. He jumped away, his backside slamming against the wall with a painful thud. It made another step and then another, and he screamed as two long and very sharp looking pincers emerged from its mouth. The spider rushed up on him with unnatural speed. Daniel shrieked and bolted. He ran away as fast as he could though the basement and tore down narrow hallways and around red metal load-bearing beams. No matter where he ran or how fast he moved through the cramped corridors that thing was always there. He reached his arm out and placed it next to a wall of rusted metal pipes to catch his breath. That's when he noticed that he wasn't in his basement anymore.

He looked around, both confused and terrified, as he realized that he was standing in a low, dark hallway made of pipes and rotting wood. There wasn't any hallways in his basement. A single hanging light bulb swayed back and forth, sending disorientating flashes of light across the shadowy hallway while making the shadows grow and recede. He spun around, confused and terrified.

"Where the fuck--" he began, shaking. "God when will this end? Jesus fucking Christ please make this goddamn trip end!" He heard that scratching sound and watched as it slowly crept around a corner and faced him. The spider stood up on its two hind legs and a mouth opened on the underside.

The mouth did not have fangs like he was expecting but human teeth and a human tongue. This was even more horrifying to him. The mouth then started to scream in a human voice, a high-pitched keening like some madman trapped in an asylum. Daniel screamed with it and bolted as the spider-creature gave chase. He ran and ran down the hallways following wherever the pathways led. He didn't care where they led to as long as it was away from that thing. Behind him the spider screamed and cried until he turned a corner and saw the stairs leading up to his house. He sprinted up the stairs again, the screaming spider in tow. The stairs stretched on and on and wound around and around just like the ones at Anthony's house. Finally, he saw a blinding white light at the top and a figure standing there in the center, its body silhouetted against the brilliant glow behind it. There was no time nor room to go around it. The only way was through so he charged right forward and stumbled headlong into Mandy's open arms.

Chapter Five

Mandy cried out as Daniel ran into her with the force of a linebacker. They tumbled together to the ground and rolled back into the front door, nearly knocking it open.

"Daniel what are you--" Mandy began.

"Close to door!" Daniel screamed as he leaped to his feet and stumbled toward the basement like a drunken sailor, his hands padded across the ground as he tried to stand up straight. The screaming of the spider grew louder and louder, and he practically tore the door off its hinges as he slammed it shut. This time the spider did not run into the door but slunk away, its screaming faded into garbled echoes. For a moment silence hung in the air like a thick blanket that dampened ever other sound except for their heavy breathing. Mandy watched stunned as Daniel knelt flat against the door, his arms splayed as if to brace it. His face was half turned and pressed against the white painted wood, and his entire body trembled.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Daniel tried to answer but only cry in response. It began as a quiet rasping cough that turned into a wet choke. Tears streamed down his face as he sobbed softly into the wood, trying to suppress his grief. He didn't want to cry if front of Mandy but he couldn't help it. He felt her wrap her arms around him and he turned into her shoulder and let it all out, tears and snot streamed down his face as he screamed into her red work shirt. It smelled like hamburgers and fry grease. Mandy held him tight and gently rubbed his back. She half picked him up and half led him back to the couch and waited patiently until he was done. He sniffed and looked up at her with bleary eyes, equally grateful and ashamed.

"M-Mandy? What are y-you doing here?" he rasped.

"Tanya called me. He said you showed up at work screaming my name and banging on the window after I left." she answered in a soft voice. "I figured I'd come check on you."

"S-sorry. Didn't mean to embarrass you." he wiped his eyes and looked away. Mandy chuckled and rubbed the tears from her own eyes with the palms of her hands.

"Trust me, babe. I'm used to it now." she said with a smile.

"Yeah... I'm sorry about that." he said, looking down. "This is just so fucked up, you know?"

"No. What's going on?" she asked. "What is this all about?"

"Last Tuesday Anthony came over with this new stuff. He said his friend's brother was a chemist and made it for the military or some shit and it was, like, supposed to be the best shit in the world." he explained frantically. Mandy didn't huff or roll her eyes, though. She just sat there quietly and listened. "So were supposed to do this experimental shit and we try to find a way to do it and I end up shooting up with it."

"Why would you do that?" she asked. "Why would you put a strange chemical into your veins like that? Do you know how stupid that is?"

"I know, but honestly I didn't really care at the time. I was so... down, I guess. I just wanted to get high and forget about everything."

"It's no excuse." she said, tipping his chin up so they looked each other in the eyes. "You're smarter than that."

"Maybe I'm not. But it doesn't matter now because I did it anyways." he looked away. "So I injected this shit and had this crazy ass trip and everything was cool at first but it wouldn't go away. I'm still high, even now. I can feel it."

"So you've been hallucinating for three days straight?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah. Today, man, today things started going downhill. The trip went bad. Things have been getting worse and worse by the minute. I don't know what to do because the high won't go away and the shit I'm seeing... it's just fucked up. Like I'm stuck in this never ending nightmare." he sighed. "I don't know what to do."

"First thing first you need some rest." she said, slowly lowering his head into her soft, warm lap. "Tomorrow we'll figure out what to do with you."

"Thank you." he said with a grateful smile. "I don't know what I did to deserve this, but thank you."

"You didn't do anything to deserve it. I came because I still care for you, even if you're a stupid self-destructive asshole." she paused, and then added. "And you're welcome. Now get some sleep." Daniel closed his eyes and drifted off into slumber before she even finished the sentence.

***

A white haze overcame Daniel as he opened his eyes and he could faintly hear talking above him. Slowly he came to as the world bleached into existence. He found himself staring into the ceiling, its blue surface undulating like the waves of an ocean. Great. He thought to himself. I'm still high as a fucking kite. He looked around and saw that it was early morning, the suns hearty golden glow not yet shifted to a complaisant blue. He saw Mandy in a chair still in her work shirt talking to Anthony, who leaned back against the wall, his big red pair of Beats headphones hugged his neck like a pair of earmuffs. Whatever conversation they were having stopped in its tracks and they both looked over.

"How you doing?" Mandy asked with hopeful eyes.

"Better. But still high." Daniel dropped his head. Mandy sighed and looked over at Anthony, who shrugged.

"That's crazy dude." Anthony said. "You been tripping for, what, three days straight?"

"Yeah. And it's showing no signs of wearing off." Daniel replied bitterly.

"That's weird. My cousin said it has a chemical compounds similar to PCP so it should have worn off, like, two days ago."

"No shit. Is it as potent as PCP? Maybe I just did too much?" he paused. "Wait, did you say our cousin?" Anthony hesitated and looked over at Mandy.

"Yeah, well, to tell you the truth I didn't get the sample from T-Dog. My cousin is a chemist who works for a bunch of pharmaceutical companies in Chicago. He made me swear that I wouldn't tell anyone it was him so please don't say anything." Anthony admitted.

"Really? Seriously dude?" Daniel sighed. "Whatever. Look is it normal for a trip to last this long?"

"No, he said from the tests they ran no one showed signs for more than, like, eighteen hours. Upping the dosage makes you higher but it won't make it last longer." Anthony answered.

"Then what the fuck is wrong with me?" Daniel exclaimed aloud as he threw out his hands. Anthony shrugged.

"Hey, Peyote can last for days too. Maybe you just got to wait it out." he answered.

"That's not good enough, man! I got to go over to my parents tonight and I can't be seen like this!" Daniel growled.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you." Anthony held out his hands as if to say sorry.

"There's no, like, antidote or anything? Don't people make antidotes for this kind of shit?" Anthony shrugged a third time, a gesture that was really starting to get on Daniel's nerves.

"Look, I'm not a chemist, dude. I called my cousin this morning like you asked and he seems confused by this whole thing too."

"Great, so not only did I inject a weird drug into my body but the guy who made the goddamn thing doesn't even know how it fucking works? Grand. Just fucking grand." he looked over at Anthony. "This is all your fault, you know that?"

"My fault?" Anthony exclaimed, sticking his thumb at his stomach. "How is it my fault?"

"You fucking came over to my house and asked me to do the drug with you, and you fucking chickened out and left me high and dry." Daniel snarled.

"Hey, man, I didn't make you do shit. You coulda fucking told me no but you did it so deal with it, asshole."

Daniel snorted and dropped his head back onto the couch. Anthony was right, of course. He only had himself to blame. The wavering ceiling reminded him of water, and the more he stared at it the more it began to actually look like water. Daniel turned away and noticed that Mandy was staring right at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Do you really have to ask?" she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I'm worried about you, butt head. God knows what that drug is doing to you."

"I think I have an idea." Daniel replied bitterly. "It's driving me crazy."

A small sound tickled the back of his ear as Mandy and Anthony droned on talking about what to do with him. The sound, that same tanpura from before, grew louder and louder with each passing moment, drowning the other two out. Daniel made out the words hospital and psychiatric ward but he could not focus enough to respond. The world took on an odd liquid feel to it, as if space itself was replaced with a slippery opaque ether, and the sickly yellow light flickered against the back wall. A piece of the wall seemed to sink in in the form of that inverted crucifix from the party and that same ugly red-yellow flickered from behind.

Entranced, Daniel stood up and slowly walked over the wall. Mandy and Anthony were miles away, their voice tinny insects chirping in the woods. Space spun around him in a circle, creating a tube that led right to the upside-down cross. Daniel stopped in front of his and stretched his hand toward the waving flames.

What am I doing? He asked himself. Why am I doing this? He did not fear the flames but was beckoned by it. He slowly plunged his hands into it, his fingers working their way around the licks of the flames. The fire felt cold, not hot, and had an odd gummy sensation to it, like he was sticking his hand into a bowl of lemon gelatin. This is the caul of the universe. He thought inexplicably to himself. The cold flesh of space between dimensional skin.

"I am feeling God." Daniel said aloud. The space around him stopped spinning and he half turned back to Mandy and Anthony, both of whom were staring right at him. "I understand."

"Danny... what are you doing?" Mandy asked nervously.

"Yeah, dude, you've been, like, petting the wall for a minute now." Anthony added. Daniel realized what was happening and reality snapped back and hit him hard. He trembled and walked back over and sat down next to Mandy. She put a warm comforting arm around his shoulder.

"I'm going fucking insane." He said in a shaky voice. "Jesus I can't take this shit anymore." He buried his face in his hands and cried. He felt Mandy hug him tighter while Anthony shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"It's okay." Mandy put her forehead against his temple and cooed into his ear. "Just keep it together. Anthony's going to call his cousin again and get more info on trip. I'll go with you to your parents tonight and make sure you stay in line. We don't need you getting kicked out of your house for being high again."

"Okay." He sniffed. He looked up and Anthony was already gone. When did he leave? He looked over at Mandy, right into her pretty eyes. "Thank you. I don't know how I could do this without you."

"That's what friends are for." She smiled. Daniel loved that pretty smile. Without thinking he leaned in to kiss her but she pushed him back. "Don't get any ideas. I'm helping you as a friend. You really screwed me over so it's going to take a lot to get my trust back."

"I understand." He said patiently. "I just wish this trip would end."

"Me too." She said wearily. "Me too."

***

Daniel sat in the passenger's seat of Mandy's car looking out the window. The fading sunlight struck the dirt-specked windows with long lancing beams of gold, forming a net of small sandy-looking particles on both sides of it. Daniel looked around at the rather expansive crème colored interior of the car and shook his head. Mandy had a strange way of keeping the car clean and dirty at the same time. The car was free of the crumbled fast-food wrappers, half-drunken soda bottles and miscellaneous sheets of discarded paper that littered his own vehicle, yet there always seemed to be a thin layer of dirt and grime everywhere. It was like she never vacuumed out her car or sprayed or gave the windows a good wipe down, even though he'd seen her do both of these things on occasion. Maybe it was just him. Maybe he was just so dirty he noticed the grime wherever he went.

A fly captured in her windshield wipers caught his attention. The tiny black bug fluttered its wings in a fruitless attempt at escape while its pudgy thorax was trapped between the rubber blade and metal arm of the wiper. I know just how you feel, little buddy. Daniel thought and patted at the window. He furrowed his eyes and stared at the back of his hand, transfixed. They looked huge, and he could see every pore, every hair and every little blemish and scar. Shit I'm still flying. How the hell am I going to pull this off?

"What is our story?" Mandy asked as she stared ahead. Daniel looked over not comprehending at first. "You know, how we got back together? If we're gonna pull this off we gotta be on the same page."

"Good idea." he said, and turned back at the whizzing blur of the brown and green trees.

"You didn't answer my question." she huffed impatiently.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh God." Mandy groaned and put her head on the steering wheel. They were parked at a stop light. Or where they still moving? Daniel couldn't tell. Everything seemed so fluid now. "We are so screwed."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. How about we say that I went to church one day and found you there and we started talking..." He began but Mandy laughed aloud.

"Come on be serious! Your parents will never believe you went back to church on your own." she said, looking over. "Not after that talk you had with your dad that Easter..."

"It wasn't so much talking as it was us yelling at each other." Daniel said with a playful grin. "Shit, I don't even remember what I said."

"You said that Satan's greatest trick was creating religion because it made people worship false idols and follow other people's path's and shit instead of trusting their own instincts." she said with a little smile on her face. "Or something to that effect."

"Ha. Oh yeah. Like how he tricked God into torturing Job because of some stupid bet? Or Saint Peter into creating the Catholic Church so the followers would get lost in all the rituals and stuff. Yeah that one went over well."

"Yeah, it did." she giggled. "You little rebel you."

"That's what you like about me." he ribbed back.

"Sometimes. When you're not acting stupid." she teased again.

"Which is all the time." he put in.

"Nowadays, yeah. You weren't always like that."

Daniel sighed and looked down.

"I know." he said. "I've changed."

"A lot." she replied. "Remember when we first met?"

"Of course. It was one of the best days of my life." he said and sank back into his chair and looking wistfully up into the sun roof. "You came to one of my shows."

"Yeah. You guys were fucking awesome back in the day." Mandy went on. "I remember my girlfriend Sheila came over and played one of your demo's at the Payless store I used to work at. We rocked out to that shitty tape all night, static hiss and all. The customers hated it but fuck them."

"And you saw me on the cover of the tape...." he prodded her. Hearing her tell the story was one of his favorite things in the world.

"And I thought you were cute." she replied coyly. "So we went to your show and I got in the front row..."

"And I spent that whole show looking down the front of your shirt." Daniel admitted. "I felt like such a dirt bag but, hey, I'm a guy. Couldn't help myself"

"I noticed." she blushed and gave him a playful shove. "But it's okay. You're still a pig, though."

"I remember how pretty you looked with your hair down and that sexy smoky eye shadow you wore." he went on, now staring up at the sun roof again. "I thought I was never gonna see you again but you were back stage and Lilly introduced us..."

"And I ended up fucking you in the women's bathroom." she finished.

"I'd like to think it was more romantic than that." he said with a big grin. Overhead he saw the metal glint of a low-flying jetliner against the yellow-blue sky.

"Yeah, you kissed me first." Mandy agreed with the same playful grin. "It was romantic in a desperate heat-of-the-moment sort of way."

"I still think that, you know?" he said, looking over.

"Think what?" she asked, glancing back over at him several times.

"That you're the prettiest girl in the world."

Daniel reached over and caressed her soft skin. Mandy shivered and looked ahead. She did not have a smile on her face.

"Don't." she said.

"Don't what?" he asked, confused.

"We're not there yet." she half-answered. Daniel stared at her with bleary eyes, trying to figure her out. It was a common thing with him, trying to figure out where she was coming from. "I still care for you, okay? But you hurt me. It's gonna be hard for me to get over that fact."

"I know." he said. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. But that doesn't make it hurt any less." she said firmly. Daniel sighed and returned to the sun roof.

"What do I have to do to make it up to you?" he asked. Mandy didn't answer at first, just stared ahead.

"Just be patient." she said, and then added. "Tell me, Daniel, how would you have felt if I fucked another guy? Would you just be able to forgive me just like that?"

"No." he admitted honestly. "But I was on drugs with Tasha and..."

"Okay. Would you be able to able to forgive me if I fucked another guy and then said, 'sorry I was too high to know what I'm doing"?

"No, it wouldn't." he admitted again. "I was just... I was just in a dark place, you know? I was fucking thirty two years old with nothing to show for myself so I went on this self-destructive spree. I, I wanted to fuck up everything that was I loved to hurt myself. Like a fucking Nine Inch Nails song."

"Excuses, excuses." Mandy said, shaking her head back and forth.

"It's not an excuse!" Daniel said. He bolted up suddenly, making Mandy jump in her seat. "I swear, Mandy. It's not an excuse. Not anymore. Now it's just me realizing how I fucked up, why I fucked up, and what I want to do to get you back. You are the only balance I have in my life. My only muse. These past four months have been hell and I want all the bullshit to end and I want to be with you again."

"It's only been three and a half months." Mandy corrected with a little laugh, her voice low and hoarse. He could see her jaw tremble. "I've been counting the days too. Hoping that you'd get better."

"And I will get better. As soon as this high wears off. I'm done with drugs, baby. I swear. I just want you." he said, sounding both desperate and determined.

"Keep your word, Danny, and you may get your wish."

"I will." he promised, taking her hand into his own. There was a tender moment of silence between the two of them as they both stared ahead. Somewhere down the road he could see that bloody red-and-yellow clown from the night before standing on a street corner. He held a pair of red balloons that were freckled with dark, dripping stains. The clown watched them pass, his big grin a sad frown. "Jesus Christ."

"What?" Mandy asked.

"I'm still seeing shit. There's a fucking bloody clown standing on the corner back there." He answered.

"Remind you of anything?" she asked. He sighed. The smell of cotton candy and fried elephant ears, screaming children, bright lights, colorfully painted metal, a circus, blood and the Michigan State Fair he went to when he was nine years old floated up. Daniel shivered.

"Yeah." he sighed. "But I think I can keep it under control. You seem to make the bad stuff go away." he answered.

"Good, I guess." She looked over. "How about this? We tell your parents that you came into my job and we started talking again."

"It's not a lie." he offered.

"Exactly. She said. "It's so simple and stupid they have to believe it."

A shadow passing overhead caught his attention, and Daniel looked up to see what it was.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked aloud.

"What?" Mandy asked.

"I saw a shadow overhead." he answered, and a moment later he heard a loud, angry mechanical roar that violently shook the car. He tensed up and gripped the side bars so hard his hands hurt. He looked over just in time to see that metal jetliner fly right overhead, its massive body eclipsed the whole sky. "Holy shit!"

"What is it?" Mandy asked and looked around. Daniel watched as the jet plummeted just pass them and headed straight for a small one-story shopping center. People in the parking lot screamed out and abandoned their carts as the jet smashed right into the mini-mall. There was a loud crash followed by a spray of torn up concrete and broken glass. A huge fireball ripped up into the sky leaving a black column of smoke in its stead. Time seemed to slow down and he watched as dazed, screaming people stumbled out of the mall, their bodies covered in blood and black ash. It reminded him of those Vietnam documentaries he used to watch with his dad when he was a kid. "What is it, Danny?"

"Did a plane just crash in the Michigan Oaks Mall?" he asked. Mandy looked over at the scene, dozens of blood-soaked people falling to their knees, some tearing fist-full of burnt flesh from their bodies and holding them up to the sky, the red blood, black skin and yellow pus oozing out from between their fingers. The filthy strands of their hair was pasted to the sides of their faces with a mixture of blood, sweat and melted skin.

"Uh, no? Is that what you're seeing?" she asked.

"Yep."

"Jesus." she muttered to herself. "That's fucking intense."

"You're telling me." Daniel looked away, disturbed. The fact that the visions were this vivid and life-like, three days later, was really starting to scare him. Also, he felt he started to understand the visions a little bitter. Crash and burn. He thought to myself. It's an omen. They pulled up into the parking lot and Mandy shifted the car into park. They sat there in silence for a moment before they both unbuckled their seat belts.

"Alright." he said. "It's ShowTime."

Chapter Six

Daniel's childhood home was like no other house in the neighborhood, or the rest of Michigan for that matter. Built on the corner of Water Street and Walnut Lane, the massive three story house was built right into a hill, the top half jutting out and supported by large concrete columns on the sloping side. The house was flat and wide, as if it were a warehouse that was converted into a home at the behest of the owner. His friends used to compliment him on how cool his house was, but Daniel always hated it. He hated having to push the lawnmower up the grass hill; terrified it would roll back over him and cut him to pieces. He hated how hornets would build nests in the cracked concrete pillars during the summer, all but barring him from playing in their tiny front yard. He hated how there were no trees to climb or hide under, and most of all, he hated the basement.

The house looked tall and dark in the growing afternoon shadows. A deeply rooted sense of dread spread over him. So many bad memories in the house.

"What's wrong?" Mandy asked as she squeezed his hand.

"I hate this place." Daniel replied. He couldn't take his eyes away from the line of shiny storm windows. They always looked like the eyes of the malevolent beast to him, especially at night when the lights were still on and the windows glowed that dull yellow color.

"Do you want to skip this whole thing and just go back home?" Mandy asked. There was a tinge of hope in her voice he did not miss.

"No." he answered, shaking his head back and forth. "I need to do this."

"Alright." her voice was breathless and shaky. "Let's go inside."

Daniel pulled the door open and the two of them stepped inside the house. The doorbell played a mechanical sounding hymn, and he was blasted with the odor of scented candles and febreeze. It was dark and cramped in the house, the walls, shelves and coffee tables lined with books, pictures of family members taken during vacations, portraits of old dead relatives he never knew, porcelain figures of angels, crucifixes, dollies, candles, dull tin bells and old Christmas cards they never seemed to take down. The place reminded him of a hobbits hole, albeit a religious and sentimental hobbit. Of course all the little knick-knacks was a cover for the dark secrets that germinated within the walls.

No one came to greet them, but that was no surprise either. His mother, Karen, was vacuuming (she always vacuumed right before dinner) and his father was probably still in his work shop. Daniel led Mandy by the hand through the winding halls of the oddly-shaped home in search of his family. He followed the sound of the vacuum and managed to find his mother in the family room pushing the old, decrepit hoover back and forth over the wool rug. Daniel hated that ugly rug; brown, burgundy and yellow colored woolen cords that wound together in a spiral that reminded him of dog shit or the intestines of some poor hunting creature. It was a sight he was more than familiar with.

His mother, an aged woman with cracked white skin, big blue eyes and a blonde bob that was forty years out of fashion, looked up and smiled. She patted the creases out of her dark blue dress and walked over. She wrapped Daniel in a tight hug. Her movements were stiff and jerky, probably due to whatever anti-depressant drug she was on at the moment.

"Danny my boy it's been so long." she said in her weary, watery voice. "I wish you would come over more often."

"Yeah, me too. I've just been busy." he lied.

"Have you?" Karen asked, her eyes growing bright. "You found a new job?"

"Not yet. The market's tough, ya know?" he said, but her smile and nods felt more patronizing than genuine.

"Well, just hang in there son. You will find something eventually." she looked over at Mandy. "Mandy? Oh my God it's good to see you again!"

"You too Mrs. W." Mandy replied, giving her an awkward hug. "It's been a year or two, huh?"

"Yeah, it must have." she looked between the two. "Does this mean..." Daniel looked over at Mandy, who breathed in and gave an awkward smile.

"Yep. We're together again." she said, a bit more reluctantly than he hoped for.

"Wonderful! Oh that is wonderful news! Gerald! Gerald Woldt come here right this minute!" she hollered. They heard a grunt and a few moments later Gerry Woldt entered the room.

Gerry was tall, thin man at the tail end of middle age. He was nearly bald, only a small horseshoe of graying brown hair remained at the back of his head that made his sweaty pink skin seem to stand out all the more. Beady eyes examined him from behind a pair of thick wire-rimmed glasses and his features pointed. Gerry reminded Daniel of a hawk, some bird that was always watching for the moment to strike. Gerry wore an old brown sweater and dirty blue jeans, and in his hands he was busy cleaning some oily black auto part with a white rag. The smell of oil grease seemed to accompany him wherever he went, a scent Daniel both loved and hated. Gerry looked at Daniel, then over at Mandy, then back to his son.

"So you brought her again, I see." he squeaked in his absurdly high voice. "It's nice to see you again, Amanda. I would shake your hand but..."

"But you're busy, I understand." Mandy responded stiffly. The two shot daggers out of their eyes at one another, and Daniel put a hand on her shoulder to diffuse the situation. Karen looked between them, her hands wrung the plastic handle of the vacuum.

"Yep. We're together again." Daniel said quickly. "So dad, what are you working on this time?"

"A part of the lawnmower. It broke down yesterday. Some damn kid left an action figure in the yard and it got caught up in the blade." he said irritably. "What are you doing these days, Daniel? Have you found a job yet?"

"No I was just telling Ma that the market sucks nowadays and..."

"That's no excuse, Daniel. If the market gets tougher you just gotta put out more applications and try harder." Gerry corrected.

"That's not how it works these days. Maybe when you were a kid, but not now." Daniel said firmly. Gerry just scoffed.

"Dinner should be ready." Karen interrupted before the situation could get tenser. "I hope you brought your appetites?"

"Always do." Mandy gave a big fake smile.

"I see that." Karen responded with an even faker smile and walked off into the kitchen.

Mandy kept her grin but cursed at Karen under her breath. She always had a way of making comments about her weight, and she even overheard her once tell Daniel he should by more healthy food so she could shed a few pounds.

"I'll wash my hands and I'll be there in a few." Gerry said and wandered away, leaving the two of them along in the small wooden-paneled family room.

"So... why do your parents hate me so much?" she asked when the coast was clear.

"Because they're dicks." Daniel answered. "And because you are not Christina." There was a moment of silence between them. "They thought because I went downhill after... you know... it had to be your fault. Like you were the bad influence on me" he finished the sentence with a self-deprecating laugh.

"That's fucking bullshit!" Mandy tried not yell.

"Yeah, I know. Like I said. Dicks." he said bitterly. Mandy sighed.

"This is going to be a long night." She muttered under her breath. "I just might have to kill your parents."

"Not if I do it first." Daniel muttered back. They both looked at each other and laughed. Daniel turned back to the old gray-screened television set and saw his reflection staring back at them. His face looked like a ghostly skull in the reflection, the eyes huge black pools. He looked down at the swirling carpet and felt a moment of vertigo. The spiraled lines reminded him of some grim surrealist painting, something Max Ernst would have made in one of his darker moods. He sucked in a deep breath and sat down for a moment, Mandy next to him. She rubbed his back as he buried his face in his hands.

"Still feeling it?" she asked.

"Yeah." he muttered bitterly.

"You think you can make it?"

"I have to." Daniel answered, standing up. "I'll just save the freak out for afterward."

"Come on then." Mandy said. She could hear his mother tapping her foot impatiently at her seat. "Let's just get this damn thing over with."

Daniel and Mandy walked into the kitchen. It was a large empty room with beige colored walls, brown-framed windows and a dark cherry-wood table and matching chairs. The walls were bare except for a large crucifix, and the windows afforded them a nice view of the town. Karen sat to the side of the head seat, her hands folded neatly in front of her. Across from her was his younger brother Tyler. Tyler was a short beanpole of a kid with a greasy brown bowl cut and a long freckled face. Tyler wore a stripped t-shirt and black jean shorts, his shirt stained with spittle from digging his finger in his mouth to push against a loose tooth.

"Stop doing that." Karen instructed, reaching across the table and slapping the top of his hand. Tyler gave her a dirty look but took his finger out of his mouth.

"Hey buddy how you doing?" Daniel asked, taking the seat next to his mother. Mandy sat next to his brother, who smiled up at her. "You got pretty big."

"Yeah. I'm all, like, growing and stuff." Tyler said, poking his loose tooth with the tip of his tongue. "Why don't you come over anymore?"

"Uh... I've been busy."

"Doing drugs?" Tyler innocently asked. There was an awkward moment of silence.

"From the mouth of babes." Karen said and then sipped her wine. Daniel could tell it probably wasn't her first.

"No. I've been, uh, searching for jobs and stuff." Daniel replied, trying to shake off the awkwardness with faux enthusiasm. "It's hard these days."

"How hard can it be? You call some people and go talk to them." Tyler went on.

"Well when no one will hire you it can be pretty hard." Daniel said. He sounded more defensive then he meant. He looked to Mandy for a rescue.

"How's school going?" she asked him. Tyler's shoulders flopped up and down in a cartoonishly big shrug.

"You know, boring. So are you too back together again?"

"Yeah." they both said together. Mandy took the lead. "We reconnected yesterday, as a matter of fact."

"Cool. Daniel's really lame when you're not around." Tyler said and poked at the peas on his plate.

"Can't argue that." Daniel said with a grin. Mandy smiled back at him and turned to Karen.

"So how you've been doing, Mrs. Woldt?" she asked.

"Okay, I guess. Not much changes around the house. Dr. Lichter told me I should try jogging, you know, get out into the sun. It seems to help." Karen looked out the window, a melancholic expression painted on her face. "Sometimes."

"That's good." Mandy said awkwardly. "Sun definitely puts me in a better mood." Karen didn't reply. She continued to stare out the window for a painfully long moment. Daniel sighed. No wonder I hate coming here. He thought to himself. So far so good, though. Just got to keep my shit together and I can make it through this day. Then his father entered the room.

Gerry was holding a covered metal serving tray in his arms, his face pinched in that same unhappy expression he always seemed to carry around.

"Forgot the chickens." he said to Karen as he placed the metal tray in the center of the table. Karen let out a loud sigh and buried her face in her hands for a moment.

"Oh my God how stupid of me. How could I forget?" she asked.

"You forget a lot." he said to her. "But its okay today you were probably just busy talking to our son." he offered. "Yes." she bit her bottom lip. "That must have been it."

"So?" Gerry sat down at the head of the table and folded his hands in front of him. "We have a lot of catching up to do, son, but first let's say grace." Everyone folded their hands together and spoke together.

"Our father who art in heaven..." they began, and Daniel could feel something shift in the room.

"Hollowed by thy name." they all chanted together. He peeped one eye open and noticed that a brilliant light was shining out from underneath the crucifix, bathing the walls in its golden-white hue. Not now. He pleaded to himself. "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done." Daniel opened both eyes and noticed that the windows were pitch black, the only light in the room coming from the cross on the wall. "On Earth as it is in Heaven." A thin black streak of blood oozed out from the wound in Jesus side and ran down the crucifix, dripping onto the ground. Please, God, Please! "Give us this daily bread so we may be forgiven our trespasses..." Daniel watched the growing pool of blood with fascination. "... and so that we may forgive the trespasses against us. Deliver us from evil for thy is the kingdom, the power and the glory. Amen." Everyone said Amen in unison, and Daniel looked over to see Mandy staring at him. She's right. I got to keep it cool. You can do this, Daniel. Gerry then reached over and pulled the cover off the tray.

In the center of the tray was six plucked and naked chickens. Their pink bodies were long and thin, and they laid on their bellies with their legs stretched behind them. Each of the chickens still had their heads attached, their black eyes like pools of ink. More disturbing still was the fact that they still seemed to be alive. Their mouths opened and closed, the stubs of their wings and legs twitched and clenched shut. The chickens were lied in a dark pool of blood, just like beneath the crucifix, tiny ripples of spreading out in every direction with each movement.

"Did... you... cook them?" Daniel asked, not taking his eyes away from the chickens.

"Of course I cooked them." Karen said, sounding offended. "Why would you even ask me that?" Daniel felt a gentle nudge against his leg and made eye contact with Mandy. Right. Keep it together. He thought to himself.

"Oh... sorry they just looked a little... raw." he explained.

"They look pretty well cooked to me." Gerry said, giving him a suspicious look. He's on to me. Gotta change the subject fast.

"So... dad... how are things at the office?" he asked.

"Splendid. The IRS streamlined a lot of their paper work, which saves us a lot of time when we send in the reports." Gerry answered. "You know I could put in a good word at the office. Maybe we can set you up with a job?"

"I don't think accounting is my thing, dad." Daniel said.

"Don't know unless you try something." Gerry said. "You should really try things out more often. You never know what you might find." he put a squirming chicken on each plate. Daniel looked down at his and shook. "Besides, you were always good with numbers, right?"

"No I suck with numbers. Tyler's the one that's good with numbers." Daniel corrected.

"Oh sorry. My mistake." Gerry picked up his knife and drove his fork into the chicken.

The little thing opened up its mouth and made an agonized whimper. More crying broke out as each person dug into their bird, and he watched as dark blood oozed out of every cut of the knife. Daniel closed his eyes and tried to calm himself but the screams wouldn't go away. He felt Mandy nudge him with the tip of her foot and he straightened up. This was all just a hallucination. Daniel popped open his eyes and looked down at his squirming chicken. Reluctantly, he picked up his fork and stuck it into its side. The chicken squawked a feeble protest as he sawed off a portion of its thin pink flesh, black blood oozing out from the wound. Before he could lose his nerve he stuck the piece in his mouth and chewed on it.

The chicken tasted raw, like wet, rubbery copper. Even his sense of taste was fucked up by this drug. Daniel forced himself to swallow the disgusting chunk of meat.

"How do you like it?" Karen asked and leaned forward on her elbows. She always prided herself on her cooking, though no one had the courage to tell her that her food tasted bland. Any attempt at criticism would send her into a week's long fit of listless depression, and the family thought it better to just lie and pretend it tasted great.

"Great!" Daniel lied. She flashed another one of her rare smiles. "I made it just for you. I know how much you like my chicken."

"Awesome." he poked at his screaming chicken. "So... mom... have you heard anything from Grandpa recently?" he asked and immediately regretted it.

"No." she sighed again. "Ever since Mother died last year he's been real fussy. He doesn't want to see any of us when we come to visit. Says he just wants to be alone." she turned to the window again. "I think he's ready to join mother."

"Don't get started on this again." Gerry said irritably. "Our son is here for dinner so let's stop dwelling on things we can't control and make this a happy occasion."

"You're right." Karen swallowed, and turned to Mandy. "What have you been up to lately, dear?"

"Not much. Just working." Mandy answered, her eyes on Daniel. Daniel now stared fascinated at his little brother, who was picking at his loose tooth again.

Tyler dug his little pink thumb and pointer finger into his mouth, gave a hard yank and pulled the tooth free. A long bloody strand a saliva hung between his fingers and mouth like an umbilical cord. Tyler then dropped the tooth onto his napkin and sucked up the spittle.

"I have to work full time to pay the bills so that doesn't leave much for a social life." Mandy went on. Tyler stuck his fingers in his mouth and pulled at another tooth.

"Are you still working at that Checkers?" Karen asked.

"Yeah." Mandy sheepishly replied. Daniel watched as Tyler tugged hard and pulled out another tooth and deposited it on his napkin. Two loose teeth? Daniel asked himself?

"I thought you went to college?" Karen asked. Tyler jabbed his fingers in his mouth a third time, and Daniel flinched as dribbles of blood sloshed down from his lip onto his plate.

"Yeah, well, there isn't a lot of work for an art major these days." Mandy said defensively. Tyler took out a fourth tooth and the dribble of blood became a thick stream. What the hell is he doing? Daniel asked himself.

"You can't blame the economy on this. You should have gotten a different major." Gerry said. Mandy shot him a hateful stare, and for a moment it looked like red light beamed out of her eyes into his. Daniel turned back to Tyler, who now had five little white teeth on his napkin and a waterfall of blood gushing over the bottom of his lip.

"Not everyone is good with numbers." Mandy shot back. "I'm an artist and that's what I'm good at doing. It will work out I just have to be patient." Gerry shifted his weight back in his chair, the wood groaning under his weight.

"I hope you're right." he said at length. "I wish you the best."

"I know you do." she countered. Gerry turned his attention to his son.

"And how about you? Ever think of going back to school?" he asked. Daniel looked over at him and shrugged.

"I... I don't know. Maybe." he offered.

"Why not? It's not like you're doing anything else with your life." Gerry pushed. The room went quite for an awkward moment.

"Dad... not now." Daniel pleaded.

"If not now, when? How long do I have to suffer a son who doesn't give a shit about his life and doesn't apply himself?" he asked.

"Gerry, don't..." Karen pleaded now.

"I'm sick of always dancing around this!" Gerry almost yelled. "I'm sick of my son being a loser who's got nothing better to do than do drugs and waste his life away."

"I'm not a loser!" Daniel yelled back.

"Yes, you are." Gerry pushed himself up. "I raised you better than this! Go back to college. Find something, I don't care if you love it or hate it just do something with yourself."

"College didn't work out last time, dad! I just couldn't..."

"Give a shit? Yeah, I got that part. Well this time you are going to give a shit because if you don't sign up for classes by the end of the summer I'm going to sell that house and kick your lazy ass to the curb. You want to be a bum than you can go live with them. You're not going to be a bum on my dime anymore."

"I don't have a job to pay for college!" Daniel yelled back.

"Then get one and start saving up, boy. I ain't paying for you this time. It's time you become a man."

"Dad you can't do this to me!" Daniel screamed.

"I can and I will." Gerry sat down again and crossed his arms in front of him.

"We should talk about this first..." Karen said.

"Shut up Karen. This time I'm putting my foot down on the boy. This time I will make him grow up whether he wants it or not. I think we coddled him too much and made him weak."

"Coddled me too much? Really?" Daniel asked incredulously.

"Yeah, really." Gerry shot back.

"I paid for your college and you fucked up. I let you live in my house and you fucked up. I fucking bought you a fucking house on the sole promise that you would stop doing drugs and you still fucked up. You're on drugs now, aren't you? I can tell. That look in your eyes."

"You know what you didn't give me?" Daniel said, now in tears. "Love. All you ever do is yell and criticize me. Mom too. You never say anything positive to me. You're always so negative about everything! You would give back everything if I could just to hear you say good job or I'm proud of you once. Just fucking once!" The room went quiet again and Gerry shifted in his chair.

"That's because we're not proud of you. You haven't done anything to earn our praise. Anything! So I tell you what, Daniel, do something to make us proud and we will say we're proud of you. Until then you're just a disappointment to us."

A third heavy silence filled the room as everyone looked back and forth between Daniel and his father. Daniel shook in his seat, his face streaked with tears. He looked down at his hands for a moment and could see every pore again. The bad trip was coming back. He looked up and noticed that everything had changed. It felt like time skipped a beat. The lights in the room flickered like a flame, and the shadows were deeper and darker. Blood poured from Jesus wound in a full stream, and Daniel looked down to see that the blood has spread to form a thin pool over the entire length of the room. Tyler stared back at him, his skin the gray color of death. His eyes were empty sockets, and his blood smeared mouth was devoid of teeth. Daniel looked over at his mother and saw that her skin had a sickly blue hue to it, her eyes and lips a lifeless gray. Her body was soaked with water, her skin glistened in the flickering light while her dark clothing was matted to her frighteningly thin body. He looked at his father next and saw red and yellow flames rise in slow motion off of his shoulders, arm and head, his cracked skin charred black and yellow. His eyes blazed red under the reflection of his glasses.

Overwhelmed, Daniel rose to his feet and took a few steps back. His feet made a sloshing sound in the pool of blood. Everyone turned and stared at him.

"Are you okay, babe?" Mandy asked. He looked over at her and was relieved to see that she seemed to have a shining white halo around her body.

"I... uh... I just need to use the bathroom." he said.

"Do... you want me to help you?" she asked, half pushing herself up. She could tell he needed her right now.

"I'm sure the boy can find the bathroom." Gerry insisted, his steely gaze pined her back into her chair. "Besides, I have something's I want to talk to you about."

"Okay." Mandy replied, her eyes focused on Daniel. Daniel nodded to her and walked out the room. As much as he needed her he wanted to be alone right now. Daniel felt his way across the hallway to the bathroom and slipped inside. That's when things became really weird.

Chapter Seven

Like every other part of the house the bathroom was large and oddly shaped, like a long hallway rather than the place you go when you bathe and shave. There was a black and gray marble counter-top situated on the left with three separate sinks and a tall mirror that ran its entire length. Just beyond the sink was a dark wooden half-wall and the toilet, a huge porcelain monstrosity from ages past. Directly across from the sink there was the walk in shower, and on either side of that a pair of closets that contained towels, toiletries, tooth paste, soap, shaving cream and every other item you might find in such a room. The walls, floors and ceilings were made of fancy looking dark cherry wood and a huge window framed the far wall so whoever was on the toilet could look out over the city. Fanciful lamps hung from hooked-shaped fixtures above the mirror to give the room a classy feel.

Daniel closed the door behind him and walked the length of the bathroom, his fingers tracing the smooth raised edge of the glass sliding door of the shower. He stopped halfway and listened. The room was quiet and contemplative, a perfect place to wax philosophical while taking a shit and scrolling through your smart phone. Everything was calm and, for the first time in days, he didn't feel high. I'm having one of those quiet lucid moments now. He thought to himself. Thank God for small wonders. He looked to the window and saw that it was pitch black, but it could easily have just been night. Daniel turned to the mirror and stared at his reflection. He looked haggard and scared, but that was no surprise. He always looked that way. Daniel felt another tooth wiggle in his mouth, and like his brother had done minutes before, he stuck his finger in his mouth and yanked it free.

Another one? What the fuck? Daniel spat the blood into the sink and looked up at his reflection again. Is the drug doing this to me? He washed the drug down the drain and stuck the tooth in his pocket along with the other one.

Daniel flicked a gold-colored handle on the faucet and splashed himself in the face with cold water. It was cool and refreshing and felt like the jolt you get from the first sip of coffee in the morning. Daniel gripped the sides of the counters with his hands and leaned on his wrists. He stared down into the pristine white water basin, his eye fixed on the shiny golden drain tray. The water spun around counter clockwise, a tiny white whirlpool that thinned out and turned clear as it trickled down the drain. Daniel stared at the water fascinated. He found some odd and indescribable sense of peace from its simple purity. He felt like the water; spinning around and around in circles until everything cleared out and fell away.

That was life in a nutshell, cycles that spun around and around with no real aim other than to keep spinning. We wake up, eat, work, shower, eat again, and sleep. Day after day we repeat the same rituals, perform the same tasks, but for what? Just so you could do it again? Why does life live? What purpose does an insignificant life form like himself really have in a world set in its ways and spinning far out of his control? Why even care? As he stared into the water Daniel realized that he had been grappling with this question his whole life.

Everyone around Daniel walked around with a sense of purpose, something to grasp on to and drive them forward, but not him. Daniel always felt lost, aimless and alone. He had not the faintest idea why he was on the Earth, what he wanted to do with his life and what he should do. Like a nomad lost in a desert storm he just picked directions and started walking without asking himself why and where to. Sure that makes for interesting and fun times when you're young... life is an adventure, a journey to be traveled and excited about. But what about when you're approaching your mid-thirties and still have no idea where the journey is taking you and why? You just feel lost. Daniel said to himself. He looked up at the mirror into his own eyes. I'm lost. How did I become so lost? Daniel gritted his teeth in a wolfish grin and felt a tear run down his cheek.

"Goddamn it what happened to me?" he screamed and punched the mirror.

A spider web of cracks radiated from the impact. He moved to turn away but something caught his eye. A tiny sliver of golden light shone through the cracks, as if the mirror was illuminated from the other side. Daniel shook his head and stepped closer to get a better look. The mirror cracked some may and then large chunks fell away altogether. That golden light was bright now, too bright, and he had to hold up his hands to shield his eyes. Eventually the light faded, the red outline of his fingers black again. He looked around, dazed, and saw he was in the attic. It was a tall empty room with dusty wooden floorboards, arched wooden support beams and more spider webs than he could count. At one end was an enormous wooden crucifix with Jesus on the cross, his face turned upward in an expression of agony. The wood had faded to a dull dark brown, and the red paint on his lips and bleeding wound looked like cheap pastel. A tall lamp, the only light in the room, was placed right behind it, giving it a luminescent aura of brilliant white light.

Memories floated up. He was eight years old again and it was Good Friday. Grandma Woldt stood near the crucifix, a black leather belt in her withered wrinkled hands. The old woman's stringy gray hair and wild blue eyes gave her a demented appearance, and Daniel knew from experience that was not far from the mark.

"Come." she instructed. "Come pray with me." She held out the hand with the belt and pointed at him, the black strap hanging limply at the side. A young Daniel slowly walked up to her, his head sunken deep into his shoulders. She pointed down at a pile of kitty litter in front of the crucifix and instructed him to kneel down on it. Daniel whimpered and cried but a quick snap of the belt set him straight.

"Why?" he whined quietly.

"Because Jesus suffered on the cross for seven hours so that we may be purified of all our sins." she said, her voice low and serious. "He suffered for you so you could be a spoiled little brat who always gets what he wants and always starts trouble at school. I want you to suffer with Jesus so you can understand the sacrifice he made for you."

"But I don't wanna!"

"Take off your shirt." she instructed, ignoring his pleas. He tried to protest but Grandma Woldt reached out with one of her clawed hands and slapped him across the face. He gave her a hateful expression and slowly slid off his t-shirt. "Now kneel." Daniel gave her one last pleading look for clemency and then lowered himself onto the ground to rest his knees on the litter.

The pain was intense and agonizing, and he started to cry. The belt made a loud snap and hit him across the back. The welt stung and felt wet, like he was bleeding.

"Pray!" Grandma Woldt instructed. "Pray so you may reflect on the sacrifices our lord Jesus Christ made for you." Daniel sucked in his breath through his teeth and did as she asked. He tried his best not to cry or whimper from the pain. Every time he did she hit him again, and after three or four good welts he stopped crying altogether. Seven hours he prayed, his shivering shirtless body red and bloody, all the way to the end when he fell backwards and passed out from the pain.

Daniel blinked and realized that he was in the bathroom again sitting on the toilet while staring up into the yellow light fixture above him. Daniel shook his head and looked away, pink trails of lights sliding this way and that in front of his vision. He buried his face in his hands and sucked in a deep breath. Did that just fucking happen? He thought to himself. Now I'm having immersive fucking hallucinations as well? Jesus when will this stop? He leaned back against the toilet sighed. A sloshing sound made him jolt up right and off the covered toilet.

"What the fuck?" he asked himself. The sloshing continued, and he saw little drops of water spray out the side between the seat and cover. His heart beating, he stood there staring down at it, scared too look inside but too curious not too. Slowly he reached down and gripped the cover and pulled it up. He cried out as a brown octopus tentacle lashed out at him and splashed water everywhere then slither back into the drain. After a few heart beats a bubble gurgled up and then the water went quiet.

"I got to get out of this place." Daniel said aloud. "Mandy. I need to find Mandy and get the fuck out of this goddamn house!" he slowly backed away at the toilet, his eye fixed on the empty bowl until his back thunked against the door. He reached behind himself and grabbed hold of the knob and twisted. He fell backwards and landed hard on a carpeted floor. Carpeted floor? There wasn't a carpet in the hallway? He scrambled to his feet and looked around. Daniel looked around and noticed that he was now in his old bedroom.

"How the fuck did I end up here?" he asked aloud. It looked almost exactly as he left it, albeit much cleaner. The walls were still the same neutral gray and the wrap around windows still had crooked sunshades. His bed was neatly placed in a nook on the right wall, the computer and desk against the back wall right in front of the windows while his dresser, television and stand and bathroom were on the left. A collection of dusty action figures still lined up on the window sills, their faces grimacing and arms raised over their head's. His walls were plastered with posters of various things that he found interesting; there was a Space Rocket lancing the blue sky as it tore its way to the heavens. Next to that there was curled picture of the Hiroshima bomb and the ruined city next to it, a prelude to his fascination with violence. Sports cars and buxom beauties posed in bikinis while tornadoes and a rainforest added color and drama. His band posters were still curled and yellowed and the room still had the faint scent of Marijuana.

Daniel walked around his old bedroom in a daze, bewildered that he was even there. He looked back at the door with its faded black light Metallica poster and saw that it was now closed. He felt a strong wave of nostalgia flood through his body as he walked the length of the room. Some of his best times, maybe his only real good times, were spent in this room. When he was young it was a big cavernous place he went to hide from his father's screaming fits or his mother's frantic crying. He ran his finger across the glassy screen of the TV set, leaving a long line in the dust. He passed his computer next and looked down at the small gray keys and shiny black screen. How many hours did he spend in front of this thing surfing the web and looking for porn? He could see himself spending entire Friday and Saturday nights in front of the old HP, surfing the net and jerking off while a baseball game or Saturday Night Live played on the TV behind him, often for hours at a time.

Daniel picked up one of the action figures, a bulky green Hulk with a cartoonish angry face, and smiled. He remembered the day his mother bought the toy for him at Target. It was so vivid he felt like he was actually there. He was still small enough to sit in the basket of the seat, and he spent most of the time staring in a starry eyed daze at the passing light fixtures and looming faceless giants that walked by. He remembers seeing the Hulk figure and reaching out for it but it was just beyond his chubby pink fingers. Then poof, like magic, his mother's hand reached forward and slide the figure off the shelf and put it right into his hands. He felt the pure joy only a young child could feel; completely unburdened by the idea of loss or not enough. He got what he wanted and felt totally satisfied by it.

Daniel put the Hulk figure down and walked over to his bed. He plopped down and bounced slightly as the old springs squeaked to life. He laid back against the bed and relaxed. That's what I need to do. Just relax. This drug can only fuck with me if I let it. He closed his eyes and laid his head back. He popped them open and saw a heart with words in the center carved into his wooden head board. Christina + Danny it read. He stared at the carving for a long time, his breathing painfully slow. Another memory surfaced. He felt a tear run from his eye down his forehead and drip down onto the sheets.

"God I miss you." he said to himself. "I'm so sorry."

Are you? Asked a voice in his head. I

Daniel sat up abruptly. He didn't recognize the voice but it felt oddly familiar.

Are you sorry for any of the people you hurt? The voice asked again. There were A LOT of them.

"Yes." He answered aloud, confused. He heard the bathtub faucet turn on and the gurgling sound of water sloshing around a tub. "Who's there?" he asked as he sat up and stared at the door. "Mandy is that you?" There was no answer. Daniel rose to his feet then walked over to the bathroom and tugged on the door. It was locked. "What the fuck?" The sound of the faucet thickened and then went quiet, and next he heard the sound of water splash down on linoleum. He looked down to see pink Kool-Aid-like water slowly roll out from underneath the door into his room.

Daniel backed away as more and more of the stuff gushed out and saturated his blue carpet, turning it a dark black color. He looked over at his door and turned to run toward it but by then the pink water had already filled every corner of his room and was rising. He sprinted through the cold ankle deep water and grabbed the knob. He jerked it to the right and tried to tug it open put the latch wouldn't budge.

"Let me out!" he screamed aloud, ramming his shoulder into the door over and over again as the water rose to his shins. "Please somebody let me out!" He tried slamming against it a sixth time but stopped when he heard a loud deep gurgling sound behind him, like the last trickle of water going down a drain. He turned around in time to see a dark red liquid surge up from underneath the pink water and disperse into the pool around it, tinting the whole body a rosy red color.

Daniel screamed as a jet of bubbling blood shot up in the center of the room. More water filled the room past his waist, and he screamed again as the fountain fell away, revealing a figure standing in the center. The figure had its head down, its entire body painted a red color so dark it looked almost black. Daniel could see no features on the figure but could tell it had a vaguely female shape to it. One of the figures hands slowly rose and pointed at him, long thick ropes of blood sloshing off into the rising pool below. Daniel's hand wrenched the door knob one final time and felt the lock click. Before he knew what was happening he was falling backwards.

Chapter Eight

It was dark again, and Daniel felt himself tumble down a flight of hard concrete stairs. The world spun around in circles as he rolled, dull gray stairs and a swinging light bulb rose up and fell in his vision. Each time his back or head hit the concrete he felt a sharp pain ring through his body. He flung his arms to the side to grab a railing but he was falling too fast and hard to get a grip on anything. Finally he hit the bottom with a hard thud, and he swore he heard a loud cracking sound. Hey laid there on the ground for a long moment, staring up at the swinging light bulb.

"W-w-what just happened?" he asked himself, dazed. He felt something wet and warm run down the side of his face, and he touched the area pulled away his hand to see it looked like bathwater. "The blood!" he sat up and looked up the stairs, half expecting a tsunami of dark red fluid to roll down the stairs and tackle him to the ground, but there was none. He looked down at his clothing and saw the blood was gone too. "It was all just a vision." he said with a sigh of relief, but that relief was short lived. He looked around and a sudden, terrifying revelation hit him. He was in the basement.

Daniel sat on the ground for a long moment, his eyes focused at the dark concrete walls. Of course he was here. This is the last place in the world he wanted to be. There was no making sense of the visions any more. There was no rhyme or reason why he ended up where he did. He was on a trip and there was no one at the wheel. He had to push himself through it, make it to the end, and hopefully it will would be over soon.

Just like any other bad trip.

Daniel pushed himself up and looked around. His parent's basement was the exact opposite of his own; it was cramped and winding with almost no light to guide the way. The walls were made of rotting wood or stained sheets of drywall damaged from years of moisture and mold. Exposed pipes clinked and clanked, and the large furnace and air-conditioning units were always humming in the darkness, bright red and green LED eyes blinking on and off. For a young boy this place was hell, the focal point for all that was dark and scary and evil in the world. For him, however, the evil wasn't just imagined but very real.

Daniel swallowed hard and walked down the hallways, using his hand to guide his way through the twisting corridors. Spiders watched him from every corner while gigantic black centipedes silently slithered across the ground. Every once and a while a single light bulb would appear in the middle of a hallway, but beyond that there was no light at all. The hallways went on and on far longer than they should, just like they did in his own basement. He heard a loud metallic banging sound followed by the squeak of a pinion that needed to be greased. Daniel turned a corner to see a large machine pumping away in one corner, a spinning flywheel connected to a big metal hammer-like piston that pumped and chugged for some indeterminable reason. He walked on to see a large metal colander that sliced the air as it spun, and at its ends, the pair of pistons that made it spin. On his right he saw a twirling dynamo connected to some machine that was so convoluted it seemed down right absurd. He realized that the walls and ceilings were gone, only inky blackness and a row upon row of these strange machines left to guide him through the maze.

A symphony of sensations hit Daniel that drew him deeper into the hallucination. The smells of oil grease, rusted metal and carbon monoxide stung his nose, so strong he could taste it on the tip of his tongue. Greasy black smoke billowed out from short smoke stacks and filled the bottom half of the room right up to his knees. The air was warm and greasy, making him feel like he hadn't taken a shower in days. The metal of the machines were dull and saturated by a thin film of oil grease that left dark spots in the dented and dulled edges of the cogs, pistons and flywheels. The clacking, ringing, hissing, buzzing and banging of the machines seemed to play in tune with each other, forming some elaborate back beat to his nightmare.

Daniel walked on and on through the bizarre mechanical landscape, careful not to touch anything or step the puddles of grease and condensation. Sweat ran down his face and he had to wipe away the sticky stuff from getting into his eyes. Somewhere in the distance he heard the low hiss of a respirator, and he rounded a few hallways until he came to a stop in front of a large box-shaped room built into the concrete wall. In the center of the room he saw his grandmother laying in a hospital bed, her stringy gray hair and pallid complexion in stark contrast to the sooty yellow light cast by a single light fixture built into the back of the wall.

A large chugging engine was set up where her respirator should have been. Each time she breathed out the pistons would shoot out and then push back in when she inhaled. Another motor hummed as it pumped black oil into her IV and down into her veins. Massive black gears turned to the rhythm of her heart, and in the center was a big winding clock that ticked each time it beat. An assortment of rubber and metal tubes went up her hospital gown and connected somewhere in her body. Daniel noticed an elaborate filtration system with separate chambers that each stored her bodily waste.

Daniel slowly approached her and came to a stop at the foot of the bed. His grandmother turned her head and stared at him, her dark eyes twinkling in the shadows of her heavy brow.

"Daniel. You've grown a lot since the last time I saw you." she rasped

"No thanks to you." he replied sullenly. The old woman let out a long wheezing rasp through her breathing tube.

"You still holdin' a grudge after all these years, boy? Why don't ya just grow up and get over it."

"Get over it? Get over it!" He shook the foot of the bed violently. "You tortured me you psychotic fucking bitch! I was a fucking kid and you beat me and locked me away in dark places! And you want me to just get over it?" his anger only seemed to make her crackle even more.

"Whatchu gonna do about it, boy? I'm dead. You gonna take your anger out on a ghost?" she shook her head. "I tried raisin' you right, Daniel. Lord knows your parents weren't trying. Your father aint never loved you enough to care and your mother? That useless woman couldn't even take care of herself. I did ya a favor and ya don't even realize it."

"Don't talk about mom like that!"

"Your mother was weak and you know it. Spastic bitch aint never done nothing worth caring for anyhow. Hell, knew you were fucking that whore of a girlfriend of you under her own goddamn roof and ain't done shit about it." she hissed. "You know what I woulda done? First I woulda beat you silly and then I would tie you down and make you jerk off to one of those sinful porno movies you like so much over and over until it aint feel good no more. Then maybe you won't ever want to touch that skanky little bitch like you did, or that fat bitch you with now." Daniel surged forward and grabbed her black rubber respiration tube and squeezed it tight. The old woman's breath hitched and she sat up slightly.

"I'll fucking kill you! How about that!" he screamed in her face. She laughed even harder.

"Go ahead. Do it. I'm already dead you dipshit. You can't kill what already dead." She forced out. Daniel snarled at her but let the tube loose.

"You're right." he said and calmed himself down. "I'm just wasting time talking to you." Before she could say anything else he turned and walked away.

Daniel walked on miffed and scared. His trip was starting to take him to very uncomfortable places. He needed to calm down if he was going to get over it. Daniel turned a corner and found himself in a narrow hallway with metal cabinets on either side along with his father's thick wooden work station. A pair of hanging lamps shone pools of yellow light on either side of the station, the only real illuminated object in the whole basement. He could see his father's bullet press and gun smithing equipment off to one side, the other a big open space with dozens of tiny screws, nuts, bolts, discarded batteries, tools and empty bullet shells littered all about. Smaller wooden drawers were set against the back of the station, each holding bits and tools of different sizes and calibers.

Along the right side was a set of heavy metal drawers with key locks on them. He knew they were filled with manuals, glue and other more dangerous tools. He also knew that the third cabinet down held something he needed. It was the last thing in the world he wanted to take but, somehow, he knew he couldn't escape this nightmare without them. The revelation came in the form of some implicit instinct below his conscious mind. Slowly he pulled open the metal cabinet with aloud metal clang and shuffled through dozens of bullet cases at the bottom to find the hidden compartment. He poked the button and heard a panel slide open with a short click. Daniel let out a reluctant sigh as he stuck his thumb and index finger into the slot and pinched something cold and metal. He pulled it up, the sharp tinkle of bullets and screws falling upon one another sounded like music. He held up the object in the yellow light and examined it closely. It was a key.

Daniel put the key in his pocket and closed the drawer shut with a loud bang. He turned and saw the hallways had become the narrow wooden corridors from before, the metal pipes hissing and pulsating with life. Daniel continued down the hallway and saw a little brown worm standing at one end. Just like before the worm bent its little head and pointed in one direction. He headed down that hallways and found another and then another.

"Why do I keep seeing worms?" he asked himself and then shrugged the question away. "Why do you see anything while you're tripping?" He followed the worms until he came to a large open room tucked away in the back corner of the basement. In modern times they would have called a place like this a 'man cave' but to his father it was merely a place to escape.

The room was padded with faux wood paneling with a green throw rug and easy chair were set in the center of the room. The ceiling was made of exposed wooden struts and support beams, and a single light fixture hung in the center to give the room a dim illumination like you would find in a bar or a family friendly tavern. A minibar, a juke box and an old Pac Man arcade cabinet were set against one wall, a beat up and torn brown couch against another. A small entertainment center was set adjacent to the couch along with a shelf filled with DVD's and CDs. Johnny Cash sang "Sunday Morning Coming Down" on the Jukebox. _Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes and found my cleanest dirty shirt._ Cash sang through the crackling speaker of the Jukebox. _Then I washed my face and combed my hair and stumbled down the stairs to meet the day._ Daniel looked up at the row of mounted deer heads along the left wall and shuttered. _I'd smoked my mind the night before with cigarettes and songs I been picking._ Daniel slowly turned and looked in the far right corner of the room with a little wooden door next to it. _But I lit my first and watched a small kid play with a can he was kicking._

Daniel plopped down on the couch and stared at that corner, more bad memories coming back to him. _Then I walked across the street and caught the Sunday smell of someone frying chicken._ Cash sang as Daniel shook in the seat. _Oh Lord, it took me back to something that I lost somewhere, somehow along the way._ A small plastic shower stall was built into the corner of the room, the white tiles spotted with faded pink spots. A shower head hung right above the round black metal drain in the center, and above that a black steel meat hook dangled from a jingling chain. _On a Sunday morning sidewalk I'm wishing, Lord, that I was stoned._ Daniels eyes looked over to the right at the well-lit metal table and drain trough next to the shower where a huge selection of sharp knives and meat cleavers hung from a metal rack over the table. _Cause there's something in a Sunday that makes a body feel alone._ The door swung open and his father came into the room dragging something large and heavy in a big plastic bag.

"Watch this." Daniels father instructed as he slid on a pair of leather gloves. He peeled back the black crinkling plastic and reveal a dead deer, its eyes bulging and tongue lolled obscenely to the side. _And there's nothing short a' dying that's half as lonesome as the sound._ Cash crooned his father picked up the deer with a loud grunt and slammed it down on the meat hook. Blood rolled down the side of the deer and dripped into the shower drain. "This is what real men do." he said, pointing a knife at his son. "First you have to cut the throat so the blood drains out." _Of the sleeping morning sidewalk._ He cut the deer's throat and a dark curtain of blood rolled down its face and plopped in big fat blobs of crimson into the drain. _And Sunday morning coming down._

"Next you have to disembowel the deer to get rid of all the innards." Gerry instructed, plunging the knife into the deer's gut. The last line _And Sunday morning coming down._ Skipped on the jukebox, repeating the phrase over and over. Gerry dragged the knife down with a loud rip and Daniel watched as dark chunks of brown and gray flesh tumbled out of the deer and fell to the shower to form a bloody pile just before the drain. The deer's eyes bulged and it slowly rocked its head back and forth, hissing from the cut in its neck as if it were trying to speak or breathe. A long gray rope of deer intestine fell first, followed by its stomach, liver, pancreas and kidneys. Blood was everywhere, and a long thick strand of the intestines hung limply from the deer, still connected to its colon. Daniel watched the deer's bloody gray lungs inflate and deflate, and the dark lump that was its heart slowly beat in its chest. The deer looked over at him with wild and pleading eyes, its mouth moved as if speaking the words 'help me' over and over.

"Are you watching, Daniel?" Gerry instructed. "I'm teaching you to be a man. I saw you playing with those dolls last Wednesday."

"Dad they were action figures!" Daniel protested, mouthing the exact same words he had exactly twenty years ago. "They were wrestling with each other, not, you know..."

"I know what you were doing!" Gerry yelled. "Where did you see that? Did someone show you dirty magazines? Made you watch a video?"

"No Dad I swear!"

"I will not raise a faggot in my house, period. Now get over here, Daniel. You're going to help me clean this up and finish dressing the deer. Next time I go hunting I'm taking you with me and you will fucking kill and dress one yourself, you hear me?"

"I don't want to kill a deer!" Daniel protested.

"Tough shit, kid. You want to act like a Nancy boy? You want to be a little fucking queer? Not on my watch buster! I'm going to teach you how to be a man, whether you like it or not. Now come over here."

Daniel walked up and stood in front of the deer, just like had done twenty five years before.

"I want you to reach in and grab its heart and cut it free with this knife." Gerry said as he put the knife in his hand. Daniel held the knife up to the light, thin lines of white line running down the length of the blade. It looked scary to him and he hesitated. "Do it. Now." Daniel reached into the deer's chest and grabbed hold of its still beating heart. It felt slimy and cold. _Why am I doing this?_ He thought to himself. He looked over at his dad and thought, for a split moment, of plunging the huge blade in his face, maybe right between his glasses. _No, I can't, even if I really want to. That's not how the memory goes. I know... I don't know how, but I know that I have to replay this whole scene or I'll be stuck here forever._ The deer's bulging eyes rolled and looked directly at him, a look that was terrified and sad.

"I'm sorry." Daniel apologized and pushed the blade into its chest. He sawed at the rubbery flesh, and cold and sticky blood rained down upon him as he cut. The deer gasped and squirmed in his grasp. Finally he pulled it free and held it up to his father, the heart still beating in his hand.

"Good job, Daniel." Gerry said with a genuine smile. "That's your first step to becoming a man. Now we have to get the lungs..."

The memory ended abruptly and he found himself standing in front of the empty shower drain. He looked down at his hand and saw the key from his pocket was now there, its metal glinted in the light just like that of the blades. The record stopped skipping and the Johnny Cash song continued playing. _In the park I saw a daddy._ The song went on. He looked down at the key again the over to the wooden door that led to his fathers 'private room.' He swore he would never go in there again. _With a laughing little girl he was swinging._ Before he knew what he was doing the key was in the slot and turned the lock open. The lock click and the door creaked open a few inches. It was dark inside.

"God please don't make me do this again." He pleaded. In response, Johnny Cash sang _And I stopped beside a Sunday school._ Daniel pushed open the door and stepped inside.

It was a tiny room, long and thin with a plastic white ceiling fan on one side, another desk set against the other. A small white television set sat on the desk, a black VCR next to it. Next to the desk was a tall filing cabinet with keyed locks holding it shut. On the desk there was also a box of tissues and a bottle of hand lotion. Daniel walked over to the desk and leaned over the chair. He stretched his arm out and stuck the key into one of the locks, just like he did twenty one years ago. The lock made a clank and he pulled the drawer open.

He looked inside and gagged with his hand over his mouth. He saw pictures of little boys and girls, mostly around nine or ten, in dresses or bathing suits. Other pictures showed naked children playing or in suggestive possess, each Polaroid with a number and a price written on it in faded gray pencil. There were homemade magazines with pages that stuck together showing more naked children, or more horrifying still, unconscious children with naked adults lying next to them. Or touching them.

Daniel slammed the drawer shut and the TV popped on. The VCR hummed to life as the gears and spools inside clanked and whined, followed by the crinkle of magnetic film being spun around and through the machine. The snow white static was replaced by a grainy blue shot of a sky, gray lines scrolled down the screen. The sound of wind blew into the video recorder's microphone, barely drowning out the screaming and laughter of children playing. The camera panned down and zoomed into a park, the same park on Thorough Street, where children were swinging on the swing set and chasing each other around the monkey bars. The camera zoomed into a little girl wearing a white dress and Daniel heard the metallic sound of a zipper ripping open followed by soft grunting.

Horrified, Daniel turned and walked out the room. He found himself standing at the feet of the stairs again, and he threw out his hand to grab the railing but stopped as he placed his foot on the first step. His head pounded and put his hand up to touch his head. It felt wet and sticky. He pulled it away and saw blood covering his hand. "What now?" Then he started feeling dizzy and stumbled backwards. This time it wasn't a hallucination, and Daniel tried to brace himself but it was too late. He felt himself begin to fall and everything went black.

Part Two

Worms

Chapter Nine

Patrick Flanders was terrified. The second the school bell rang the chubby toe-headed boy sprinted out the front doors. He let out a loud huff as he shoved the door open with his stubby arms and practically rolled down the stairs, his fat cheeks puffed out and rosy red. The boy tripped over the bottom step and tumbled to the ground, scraping his right knees and tossing his books to the side. The teens that had gathered at the bottom of the steps laughed at poor Patrick but the chubby teen hardly noticed. With agility that belied his roly-poly form, Patrick gathered his books and leaped to his feet, pausing only to look down at the bloody red scrape on his otherwise peach-colored knee. He didn't bother to dust the dirt off his blue collared shirt or dirty green shorts. A shadow fell over him and he froze in place. He meekly glanced over his shoulder and saw Daniel Woldt standing at the top of the stairs.

Daniel towered over Patrick by a foot, and though he was tall and lean, his limbs were strong for a thirteen year old. He wore a green Ninja Turtles T-shirt and dirty blue jeans, and his scruffy brown hair looked a month overdue for a cut. Daniel's arms were crossed over his chest and his mouth was opened wide with a sadistic grin.

"There you are you fat little faggot!" Daniel called down to Patrick. "You think I haven't forgot about our little play date, did you?"

"Leave me alone!" Patrick screamed. The teens around them giggled or pretended not to notice at all.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you over all that food in your mouth you fat piece of shit!" Daniel dropped his arms to the side. "I know. I know it was your faggoty fat ass that tattled on me. I got two weeks detention because of you, you fucking queer!"

"You beat me up!" Patrick screamed back.

"You deserved it, bitch! Quit being so fucking gay and I wouldn't have to kick your ass all the time."

"Fuck you!"

Patrick's whole face went red when he realized what he did. You never, ever antagonize a bully unless you want to get beat up again. Daniel's blue eyes flashed with anger and his grin faded into a scowl.

"What was that?" Daniel asked.

"N-nuthin..." Patrick stammered as he nervously smacking his fat pink lips.

"Did you just say fuck you?" Daniel took a step forward.

"N-no I didn't mean it!" Patrick stammered as he took a step back. "I'm sorry I--"

"--Gonna get your fat ass beat in? Yeah, you got that right." Daniel stepped forward again. There was a tense moment between the two as they stared back at one another, like a deer coming face to face with a hunter. The schoolyard was silent. Then, at the exact same moment, both boys sprang into action.

With the grace of a ballerina Patrick spun on one heel and bolted forward, his head bent down as he charged like a bull through the mass of pre-teens gathered in front of the schools front lawn. Kids screamed and cursed as he pushed through, his stubby legs pumping like the pistons in a muscle car. Wind whipped past him as he ran, and he looked up just in time to see he was heading for the large round white concrete basin where the schools American flag stood. He cried out as his hip bumped painfully against the side and then sent him into a whole new trajectory. There was a long stretch of open green lawn before him where he hoped to reach the parking lot where he could find an adult who can put an end to this debacle. Patrick realized it was too far to make it in time so instead he turned toward the trees just right of the school. If he was lucky he could hide in the bushes or behind the trees long enough for an adult to get wise to the goings-on's and chase the bully off. It seemed like the better choice.

Patrick glanced behind him long enough to see Daniel blowing through the crowd at alarming speed, his eyes blazing with rage. A new spark of fear flooded Patrick's tired legs with renewed adrenaline and he pumped them even harder to keep ahead. Somewhere to the side he heard a lawn mower and hoped, prayed, that whoever was riding it would see and intervene. No such luck. The lawn mower kept on chugging as he burst through the brush into the woods. Tiny twigs scratched and tickled his sweaty arms and legs but he hardly noticed. Patrick's breathing became a long, high pitched wheeze and his heart felt like it was going to explode in his chest. He found a large cluster of trees and looked behind him. Daniel was out of sight so this was his chance.

Patrick dashed around the trees and found an upturned collection of roots to hide under. The roots looked like long spindly fingers that poked out of a thick black clump of soil. He pressed his back against the clump of dirt and looked up at the clear blue sky, his gray eyes flushed red with sweat and fear. He looked down and saw that his whole body was red, and a sting on his right knee reminded him of the open (and now dirty) cut that was in sore need of neo-sporin. His breathing was still labored, the wheeze more of a whine but still quite audible as his chest heaved up and down. It's been years since the last time Patrick ran that much. Everything was quiet, and for the briefest moment he thought he might have gotten away. Then he heard a twig snap.

Patrick's blood froze in his veins as Daniel approached, his heavy footsteps shuffling through the thicket of roots and fallen branches.

"Come out come out come out little piggy." Daniel crowed. "I have a pot pie just for you." Patrick closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. If he didn't do it fast he was going to get caught.

"Aren't you hungry little piggy?" Daniel went on. "I know you are. You're always hungry, aren't you? I have some Reese's pieces of you can snack on. Or a Three Musketeers. Hell, I even have a Milky Way you can eat if you just come out of the bushes."

Go to hell! Patrick screamed at him in his own head. Even if he wanted to say it aloud he wouldn't be able to through his choked breath.

"Maybe you're hungry for something else, huh little piggy? I know what you want. I got something big and meaty for you. I know that's what you want, right? To suck on a big dick like the little queer you are. Well I got a big fat dick you can suck on right here." Daniel went on. Patrick could tell he was getting closer. Patrick clamped his jaw shut and closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe through his nose. Air hissed out of his nostrils and he felt light headed. Finally, with enough effort, he was able to slow down his breathing and went quiet, but then a heavy shadow fell over him.

"You really suck at hide and go seek, you know that piggy?" Daniel said, looking down at him. "Then again it's pretty hard to hide when you're so fucking fat, right Patty?" Patrick cried out as Daniel's arm shot down and grabbed him by the front of his shirt and, with that same great strength, ripped him squirming right out of his hiding whole. Patrick screamed and thrashed about as he was dragged several feet across the ground. "Shut up!" Daniel growled as he punched him right across the face. Patrick felt a hot flash of pain and cried out some more. "I said shut up!" Daniel punched him again and again, once more in the face and twice into his soft gut. "Shut. The. Fuck. Up!" Daniel then kicked Patrick in the stomach and then the back as the chubby boy curled up into a ball to protect himself. Daniel kicked him over and over until Patrick's crying turned into a quiet little whimper. "That's better. Do you know what time it is?"

"Lemme alone." Patrick pleaded, his cheeks streaked with tears and blood.

"Wrong answer." Daniel sat down on his chest, twisting his nipples with two pinched hands. Patrick let out a pained moan. "It's time to make you pay for telling on me. What should I do? What should I do to a fat little queer like you?" Daniel looked over and saw a clump of slimy brown worms slithering past one another in the roots. "Ahh. Perfect."

Daniel reached over and grabbed one of the worms in his hands. They were greasy and cold, and he could feel the worms pulse and squirm to get out of his grasp. Patrick's eyes went wide.

"Let's see... your two favorite things in the world are eating and sucking dick, right?" Daniel asked. His free hand grabbed Patrick by the jaw and forced him to nod. Daniel held the worm up to his eye. "Well, this kinda looks like a dick so I bet you'd love sucking on it, right?"

"Noooo." Patrick moaned.

"Oh, yes." Daniel said, his voice low and dark. "You can suck on it and pretend it's a dick, and when you're done you can eat it. Lucky you." Daniel moved his hand up Patrick's jaw and squeezed so his mouth popped open.

"Gno! Don mahe mee." Patrick pleaded.

"Too late for that." He lowered the worm into his open mouth. "Bon Appetite!"

Patrick choked as the slimy things landed on the back of his throat, making him gag and roll back and forth underneath Daniel. He tried throwing up the worms but Daniel held his jaw shut. There was only one thing he could do. Patrick tried swallowing the worms but they wouldn't go down. It was too big. He hacked them up and, with resigned weariness, began to chew. It was slimy and cold and tasted like dirt mixed with a used Band-Aid. He felt the guts squish and squirt inside his mouth, the skin a chewy sheath he could not shred apart. He threw up in his mouth, summoned his will, and forced himself to swallow it all, worm and vomit.

"Good boy." Daniel said and then stood up. The pressure off his chest felt like a relief, but that relief was short lived as he turned to the side and yacked up the whole mess right into the dirt. Daniel laughed.

"Mmm mmm. Bet that tasted awesome, huh faggot?" he asked. Patrick whimpered. "Now what did we learn?"

"Nu-not to tat-tattle on-on-on y-you." Patrick stuttered.

"There we go. Was that so hard?" Daniel asked. Patrick shot him a hateful glare but said nothing. "Well, gotta go. See you in school tomorrow, chump." And with that Daniel was gone, leaving Patrick to curled up and crying in the dirt.

***

Not long after making Patrick Flanders eat worms Daniel walked out the woods feeling dirty but satisfied with himself. He brushed the soil off his shirt and jeans and cursed to himself the whole while.

"Fucking faggot. Getting my clothes all dirty." He muttered.

"Hey you, cute boy? Whatchu doing?" asked a sweet voice. Daniel looked up and around, confused. The lawn was almost completely clean of teens. The only person he saw was a petite black haired girl who sat on the edge of the basin, her heels kicking back against the cement. She wore a black Nirvana t-shirt with a yellow smiley face on it and a checkered green skirt. He liked the way she wore black nail polish, how her short pixie bob framed her head perfectly and how her smokey purple eye shadow accented her pretty blue eyes. Most of all, he liked how every time she kicked out her leg he could almost, almost, catch a glimpse of her underwear. He recognized her from school though he never met her or knew her name. All he knew was that she was a year older, she liked to wear skirts that accented her wide hips and every time she walked past in the hallways he felt like rushing to the boy's room to jerk off.

"Are you talking to me?" Daniel asked and thumbed himself. Christina laughed.

"Are there any other cute boys out here?" she asked back, holding out her arms and gesturing around her. Daniel smiled and walked forward, trying not to stare at her legs too much. Christina seemed to notice, and she smiled deeply and kicked out again. Daniel couldn't tell for sure, but he swore, he swore, she wasn't wearing anything underneath.

"I guess not." He said at last. "So... what's up?"

"The sky. Satellites and shit." she replied nonchalantly. "Just killing time, I guess."

"Killing time?" he asked, walking up next to her. He felt a quiver of nervousness as he drew near, and being so close, could actually feel heat coming from her body. This, for some reason, made him pop a boner. At his age, though, anything made him hard. Daniel shifted his legs so the crease of his jeans would hide his erection.

"Yeah." she said at length and stared off. "I don't want to go home."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I don't want to go home either." he agreed. "So I guess we can kill time together?"

"Sounds like a plan, Stan." She said with a big smile. "Let's go!"

Christina took his hand in her own and pulled him off the basin.

"Where are we going?" he asked. Her hand felt warm and moist. He liked her touching him.

"You'll see." she replied. She led him all the way to the back of the school to the little Alley between the Junior High School and Campton City Civic Center. A tall gray wall made of concrete bricks divided the two buildings, and a metal overhead protected the back part of the school from rain or snow. A sloping concrete ramp was set in the corner for book and food deliveries, but ever since the school moved the book store to the other side of the campus the ramp was abandoned. A drab yellow couch that used to belong in the teachers' lounge was set against one of the walls, and cigarette butts littered the ground. Dozens of empty beer and liquor bottles were left lying around too, and Daniel counted more than a few torn condom packages.

"What is this place?" Daniel asked as he looked around. He noticed the metal outcropping provided them a measure of privacy from the windows of the two buildings.

"My home away from home." she half- answered and then plopped down on the couch. "I spend a lot of time just hanging out around here."

"Cool." He looked around and nervously sat down next to her. "So what's your name?"

"Christina. You?" she replied.

"Danny."

"Cool." she said.

"Cool." he repeated. There was a moment of silence as he felt the heavy weight of the moment. This was his first few moments with a girl, one that might even be his girlfriend. He had to play it cool from here. "So what's your deal?" he asked.

"My deal?" she raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you know, what do you like? What do you do?" he asked. She shrugged.

"I like music. I like art. I like to draw and shit. Nirvana is my favorite band. Smashing Pumpkins and Nine Inch Nails are pretty cool too. You?" she asked. Daniel looked down at his Ninja Turtles shirt and gave her an embarrassed smile.

"Uh... I like comic books, I guess. And video games and TV and stuff. I like playing the piano and the violin." he said with an embarrassed gesture.

"I noticed. I heard you play in the band room. Pretty rad." she said. "I like to stop by there and just listen, I guess. Music's my thing I guess."

"Cool."

"Ever think of playing something cool? Like a guitar?" she asked. Daniel shook his head.

"No, mom said it's too poppish or something. She loves classical music and jazz and used to make me play music with her on the weekends. She used to be a concert cellist."

"Do you always do what your mother tells you?" Christina asked. Daniel gave her a wary look.

"No." he lied.

"You should try the guitar. You'll love it. Have you ever listened to Nirvana before?" she asked.

"No." he answered, embarrassed again. "Mom won't let me listen to the radio or watch MTV. She says modern music rots the brain."

"Well classical music rots the brain if you ask me." Christina said, making Daniel chuckle. "It's so goddamn boring." She paused. "Wait but your parents are okay with you reading comic books and watching cartoons but you can't listen to rock music?"

"Yeah... well mom says rock music is the music of the devil or some shit. Comic books are just kid stuff to her." he looked down at her shirt. "So is Nirvana really that good?"

"Totally." Christina said with a big smile. "Here check it out."

Christina reached down and pulled up a dirty black boom box that was covered with grime from being left outdoors all the time. She hit play and the opening chords to Nirvana's Smells like Teen Spirit hissed through the dented metal speakers. Daniel listened carefully, picking out the notes and melodies like only a classically trained musician could. He liked the way Kurt Cobain let the notes ring during the verse then drone during the bridge. The music hit him hard in the chest and buried its way into his heart. He bobbed his head and smiled, his eyes closed as he listened to a whole new medium of music for the first time.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah." he said dreamily. It was. He absolutely loved every beat and every note. Listening to hard rock music was like a spiritual awakening, a brief tour of all the untapped possibilities he had been curious about but too afraid to explore. The loud, angry edge of the music set off a deep cathartic release. "I never heard anything like this before."

"That's hard to believe." Christina said doubtfully. "These guys are everywhere these days."

"You don't know my parents." Daniel replied. "They're, like, crazy obsessive Christian types. Always got to do everything their way. Got to listen to their music, watch their shows, you know, that kind of junk."

"At least they care." Christina said, looking away. "Mine never notice I'm there unless I walk between one of their fights. Then they go to town on me instead."

"That sucks."

"That's life." she shrugged. "Gotta roll with the punches, I guess."

"Yeah. True." he said. Daniel looked forward as he nervously rubbed his hands together. "So... why am I here?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Why did you bring me here?" he asked a bit anxiously. In his hormone-addled mind he had hoped, wished, that she wanted to make out with him. Maybe even give him some head or, if he was really lucky, fuck him right there on the couch.

"I was lonely, I guess." she answered nonchalantly, banishing his horny adolescent dreams. "Just wanted to talk to someone."

"Well, I'm here. And we got a lot in common."

"Not really, but maybe someday we will."

There was another awkward pause between the two. Daniel kept looking over at her and back down at his hands, trying to think of something else to say. Christina, however, just stared dreamily off into space, maybe lost in the music.

"What do you want to be?" she asked after a long while.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"What do you want to be when you grow up? A doctor? An astronaut? A rock star?"

"I don't know." he shrugged. "Never really thought about it much.

"Everybody wants to be something." she said and then turned her head and gave him a serious look.

"Not me. I just want to be me. You know, be happy." he said. She nodded.

"Okay, that's not a bad answer, but you still need to do something to be you. So, if you had to choose, what would you want to do?" she prodded. Daniel thought about it for a long moment.

"Well, I guess music's the only thing I'm really good at so I guess I would have to say a rock star?"

"Cool." she smiled and looked forward. "You can learn a lot about a person by asking them what they want to be."

"Okay." he said, unsure if he should say anything else.

"You can also learn a lot about someone by the way they treat other people." she said and then stood up. "I saw you chase down and beat up that boy. You shouldn't do that."

"Why? Little faggot had it coming." Daniel said with a snarl. Christina sighed.

"I understand you have a lot of pent up emotions, probably because of the way you were raised. I get that, but taking it out in smaller kids doesn't make you cool. It makes you pathetic." she said mystically. He looked up at her and then hung his head.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." he said, defeated. He wasn't about to argue the virtues of bullying with the cute girl he want to make out with.

"And don't call people faggot. Or gay or queer or homo. Gay people can't control what they are so there is no reason you should make fun of them. It would be like some black kid making fun of you for being white. You can't help it." She went on as she looked down at him from the corners of her eye. He looked back at her for a long while and then nodded. She was right about that too.

"Yeah..." he admitted. "That's true. You're really smart, you know that?" her smile deepened.

"Thank you." she turned over and looked him in the eyes. "I see potential in you, you know that? I can see you go on and do big things. Make everyone proud"

"Really?" he eagerly asked.

"Really. I guess that's why I took notice of you. I see your potential and I want to help you get there."

"Th-thank you." he replied, touched. She sat down next to him, a dreamy smile on her face. He didn't want to fuck her anymore. Well, he did, but it was more than just that, now. There was something special about this girl, something divine that he couldn't help but feel in awe of. They sat there for a long while, the music forming a soundtrack for that everlasting moment. They had only known each other for a few moments, but, as they sat there listening to Nirvana, Daniel fell in love for the first time.

Chapter Ten

"Daniel! Daniel!" screamed a voice from above. Daniel's eyes fluttered open but all he could see was a blurry circle of light set against a deep darkness. An even more blurry silhouette slipped in front of the light that made everything go dark again. "Daniel! Can you hear me?" the voice asked.

"Wa-wa-what happ-happened?" Daniel stammered.

"Try not to talk too much, okay? The ambulance should be here any minute." The voice cooed.

"Am-am-ambulance?" he stuttered.

"You fell and hit your head. You're... bleeding... everywhere. You might have a concussion. Try not to freak out, okay?" she said as soothingly as she could. He could tell now by the shape of the outline and the sound of her voice that it was Mandy. He focused his eyes and saw her come into view. Her cheeks were streaked with dried tears and she had a wild, frantic look in her eyes. Daniel looked past her and saw his parents standing at the top of the stairs. His mother had a worried look on her face. His father just looked disappointed.

Mandy said something else but it came out as a honking murmur, like the sound the parents made in a Charlie Brown cartoon. Dazed, Daniels eyes focused on the light bulb above him. Three flies hovered around the bulb, little black specks against the pure white glow. There was some movement above, and he rolled his head over to see the silhouette of his parents step aside. For a moment the same brilliant white light filled the empty doorway like a portal to heaven, but then more dark forms suddenly appeared carrying something large and square in their arms. There was a loud booming of heavy footsteps thudding down the stairs, and in the blink of an eye two EMS medics were kneeling down next to him.

Daniel tried to look at them but his vision was blurry and they appeared as little more than gray dots with blue shirts. They spoke in the garbled tongues like the adults in a Charlie Brown cartoon, and their heads swished back and forth like some strange stop-motion film. Their eyes shone through the gray haze like a pair of black pearls, and Daniel could hear the crackle of their walkie-talkies. He felt himself get put in a stretched, picked up and wheeled upstairs. Alternating bright light and dark shadows fell over him, and he felt a wave of warm humid air as he was pulled into the night sky. Above him stars glittered like a diamonds against the black blanket-like sky. Then he was in an ambulance and one of the paramedics was taking his blood pressure while trying to talk to him. He didn't reply. He was in a daze and everything was moving around him too fast to process. There was one thing, however, that he was keenly aware of. He was scared.

The ambulance came to a sudden stop and the doors creak open behind Daniel. He felt the gurney jerk as smelly breath tugged hard and rolled it backwards out of the ambulance. Gray hair maneuvered the stretcher from the other end. There was another hard bounce as the wheels hit the ground and then rolled him up the concrete ramp toward the hospital entrance. Daniel caught a glimpse of those pretty stars again before they were replaced by the ridged metal outcropping over the ambulance bay. The light fixtures painted the ceiling pink, and Daniel watched dozens of flies hover around the warm fluorescent lights. Sliding doors opened behind him and he turned his head to see people, dozens of strangers, stop and stare at him as they wheeled him through the hospital.

A plain white hanging ceiling rolled passed by along with dozens of buzzing light fixtures. Wooden doors whizzed by on his right, sick and tired looking people in the lobby area to his left. He heard all the sounds of a hospital; a telephone ringing, doctors speaking quickly to each other, the chatter of bored patients/ family members, an overly loud television playing the evening news, various beeps and boops, a crackling female voice over the loud speaker, people coughing and sniffing, paper being rustled and folded, keys being typed on a computer, a baby crying, a small boy screaming to go home, and, of course, the rattling of hospital gurneys being wheel across the hard floor.

The sterile smell of cotton, pine sol, fresh plastic and baby powder filled his nostrils. The air felt cold and overly air-conditioned. All the sensations mingled together and swirled around in his head. Time felt like it was going too slow but everything seemed to happen too fast to process. It was the last place he wanted to be right then, and he was on the verge of another freak out when he saw Mandy walking a few steps behind the gray haired lady, a concerned look still painted on her face. She was still here, and he knew with her by his side he was going to make it through this. And then she was gone.

"Mandy?" he called out as he tried to raise his head up.

"Your girlfriend will have to wait in the lobby for the time being." said a deep man's voice at his side. He looked over to see a tall thin doctor wearing a white coat over a pair of aqua-colored scrubs and matching hair net walk up. The man had a gaunt and sallow face and he wore a pair of rimless glasses just like his father. In fact he looked a lot like his father. "Hello. My name is Doctor Kornblum. I understand you had a fall today, Mr. Woldt?" Daniel tried to crane his head back to look at Mandy but she was long out of sight.

"Yeah. I fell down my basement stairs and hit my head." Daniel answered, still trying to look for Mandy.

"Ouch. Does your head still hurt?" he asked, gently touching the wound.

"Not really. It stings a little but it's not too bad." Daniel answered. "Do you think I'm okay?"

"Well you don't seem to have any obvious signs of brain damage but I want to run you through some x-rays to make sure you don't have any internal bleeding. Are you okay with that?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah. It's cool." Daniel answered.

"I understand you took a new designer drug you cannot identify, right?" he asked.

"Yeah. I know I'm stupid..."

"I'm not trying to judge you or give you a lecture, son. I just want to make sure you're okay. We will save the speeches for when you're all better, okay?"

"Okay." Daniel gave him a smile. He liked this guy. Mandy was right. This is the best possible place for him to be right now.

"Good. First we're going to prep you in the ER. Take some blood so we can do a tox screen and see what we find in your system. Then we will administer some tests to make sure your heart rate and lung functions are normal. After that we will hook you up to an IV to replenish some of the fluids you lost from your accident. Okay?"

"Okay."

He heard some doors get shoved open and felt the gurney take a sharp turn down another hallway. The frantic sounds of before were replaced with the calmer but far more tense sounds of the ER. Doctors rushed back and forth, more machines beeped and he heard someone crying out in pain. The lights seem to darken a bit and large aqua colored curtains flew past him. A large metal ring of bright lights shone down in his eyes as he was wheeled into dock C. The edge of panic welled up around him and he looked over to see a little blonde girl sitting on the edge of her bed in a hospital gown. She was bleeding heavily from her mouth, and she sobbed into a clump of medical gauze as her mother rubbed her soothingly on her back. The mother, a tired and cautious woman with brown hair and a harrowed face, looked up and gave him a dirty look.

He turned the other way and saw an older black man with dark wrinkled skin and a smoky puff of hair laying on his back with a green sheet over him. The man's legs suddenly jerked up and down violently while his arms thrashed back and forth. He stopped suddenly and sat up with a bewildered look on his face, then promptly turned and hurled into a bed pan set right next to him. Daniel rolled his head back and stared up at the black ceiling wishing he was anywhere else in the world.

A nurse walked up and looked down at him. She was a short Hispanic woman with pink hospital scrubs, olive skin and short black hair that was tied back in a bun.

"Hello Mr. Woldt. I need to take your vitals." she said in a curt but friendly voice. "Please pull up your shirt." He did and she took out a stethoscope and placed it against his chest. The metal felt uncomfortably cold against his skin. "Now take a deep breath." He did, and she listened to his lungs. She moved it to another part of his chest. "Again." He did and she moved it to a third place. "Again." He sucked so hard it hurt his lungs then exhaled as slowly as he could. She took of the stethoscope and scribbled something down on a sheet of paper. "Now I am going to check your pulse. Hold out your arm." He did and she slipped a huge strap of nylon and Velcro onto to his arm. She put the stethoscope against his the inner part of his elbow and squeezed the black pump. The thing huffed as it expanded and he felt it grow painfully tight around his upper arm. He felt dizzy for a moment as she listened to his pulse then mercifully let go.

"Is everything normal?" he asked. She looked up from the paper she wrote on and nodded.

"Are you experiencing any headaches? Vision loss? Blurred vision? Is your speech impaired in anyway?" She asked.

"No." he replied. "Is that good?"

"It doesn't seem like you have any inner cranial trauma or internal bleeding but we won't know for sure until we do the x-rays." she said in a professional tone. "As for the drug you took we need to draw some blood. Are you ready?" Daniel hesitated but then nodded.

"Ready."

The nurse rolled his wrist around in her hand so his under arm was facing up. She bent over and looked closely at his arm, examining the veins.

"Perfect." she said and turned away. She came back and tore open small white package and pulled out a damp pad covered with a brownish yellow fluid. The smell of isopropyl alcohol stung his nostrils as she rubbed the fluid on his upper arm. Next she tied a rubber tourniquet over his bicep. She took out a thick dark looking needle and attached a butterfly-shaped Band-Aid thing and then picked up a tiny green tinted tube. She bent over again and maneuvered the needle into position. Daniel looked away and felt a sharp pinch, then looked over to see a thin line of dark blood run down his arm. She quickly popped the capsule into place and he felt a weakness in his chest as he watched his blood pump into the container. Why do they have to take so goddamn much? He thought to himself. He watched her fill two containers worth of blood, then roll the IV over to him and deftly switched the IV with the blood capsule.

"There we go. Not so bad, huh?" she said with a big smile.

"Yeah, not too bad." he smiled back at her. It wasn't, and for the first time since the bathroom he felt surprisingly sober. Was it finally wearing off? The nurse labeled the blood samples and looked at her watch.

"The doctor should be with you shortly." she said and then walked away.

Daniel laid his head back against the stiff white gurney pillow and stared at the clock on the opposite side of the room. He could see the sick man jerk spasmodically on the left side of his peripheral vision and the weepy little girl shaking her head back and forth on the right. Across from him an older overweight woman with dull blond hair glared at him while holding a bloody bandage to her shoulder. A knife perhaps? A female doctor was in the middle of sewing up a cut on her back. His eyes returned to the clock and locked in. Stay calm. He told himself in his mind. Just stay calm. The doctors are going to run some tests and find out what's wrong with me and make it all better.

As he watched the clock, though, he noticed how slowly the second hand crept around the edges. Each tick made a loud tick in his ears, and with each second the tick grew louder and the hand crept slower. By the time a minute had passed it felt like an hour. Still. Fucking. High. He sighed in his mind. God when will this end? The clock slowed down to the point that he could feel three to four heart beats between each jerk of the second hand. He knew something was off. No way is time going that slow. He let out an audible growl and dropped his head back on his bed. The more he tried to ignore the clock, however, the louder the ticks became until they resonated in his head and made his entire body tremble with each tock. He grew more impatient by the second.

"Please... please will this end soon?" he asked aloud. "I had a fucking head injury! Where are the goddamn doctors for the x-ray?"

"Shhh." the woman with the suspicious eyes hissed at him. "Would you mind not swearing in front of my girl?"

"Sorry." he grumbled aloud. He looked over at the girl and noticed she looked exactly like one of the girls his father filmed in the park.

Exactly like her.

"Oh God." he groaned.

"Shh!" the woman rasped at him again. He shot daggers at her with his eyes and thought about telling her to go fuck herself but his eyes fell on the dull-eyed girl and he kept his mouth shut. No point in making this any worse for her either.

He rubbed his face with his sweaty hands and felt his pulse through is damp pink skin. He felt stressed out and more than a little scared. What if he did have internal bleeding? What if he drowned in his own blood before they even had a chance to check him out? What if... Daniel stopped himself. He felt paranoia creep up on him. The drug was making him feel this way. He knew it. He just had to remain calm. Daniel plopped his head down on his pillow and focused on the dark ceiling... He closed his eyes and felt himself grow light headed.

"Wha--" he groaned aloud as a white light flashed in his vision and bleached everything away.

***

Daniel felt himself fall. Or was it floating? He couldn't tell, but when his vision returned he found himself suspended in a massive watery chamber. It was dim but something somewhere illuminated the room with a dull gray-green light. Massive shadowy shapes slipped and undulated all around him, shapes the size of buildings or greater. There was no real consistency to their form or size... it all seemed random.

But it wasn't.

The way the forms moved about him he knew there was a will behind them, an intelligence far beyond his own. Long sinewy lines slide in front of him like eels moving through water, and in the dull light he could see it had a smooth white skin-like texture to it. These lines resembled something close to an octopus's tentacle, but yet they were different. More primordial. He did not feel fear or any emotion at all, just a human-like sense of curiosity. And humility. This thing in front of him, whatever it was, it was so far beyond his comprehension that it hurt just trying to understand what he was seeing. He could only simply observe.

Daniel felt himself drift through the water like substance toward a massive form cloaked in shadow. Small slivers of light from whatever was causing the illumination occasional fell over this... thing... and Daniel could see it had pearl white skin with black tiger-like stripes with lots of folds and stalk like protrusion. What is that thing? He asked himself in his mind. It's like a trunk. A base. A nerve cluster.

A head.

As he came close there was movement in the form, wrinkles of flesh smooshed together and formed even larger creases. The whole thing quivered and, along the center, he noticed a small sliver of yellow light. Tiny beams of gold shone through the folds of flesh like rays of the sun and grew wider and more intense as the flesh slide away. Daniel watched in wonder as the folds peeled away to show an enormous yellow eye the size of an apartment building. A dark side-long slit for the iris opened in the center, and in the center of that a gray pupil not much taller than a full grown man opened within the iris. The pupil was not concave but a hollow tube, and along the length of tube he noticed rows upon rows of sharp jagged teeth.

The brilliant golden light from the eye blinded him, and he had to hold up his hands to shield his eyes. His fingers were black silhouettes, and long angular beams of white light shone through the creases between. He tried talking to the creature but it could not understand, much like a human cannot understand the chirps and squeaks of a birds and mice. Then, in that moment, the pupil of the eye undulated and he felt the water move all around him toward the eye. He felt terror for the first time as the current drew him closer and closer to that eye. He tried to scream but had no voice. He tried to escape but he was not strong enough to fight the current. There was no escape. Daniel could only cry in terror as was sucked into the pupil, knife-like teeth reaching out for him. He felt his arm brush against the teeth and screamed out in agony as it cut deep into his flesh. All the teeth closed around him and he...

***

Daniel woke up feeling terror beyond anything he'd felt before. The fear was so powerful he shot straight up in his bed and his eyes exploded open. He breathed hard and felt a cold sweat run down his arms and legs. Tears mingled in with the balmy sweat of his cheeks. What the hell was that? He thought to himself. He saw the shapes before but only in a dream that he could vaguely remember. The shapes this time were vivid beyond imagination, and when the thing bit him he felt actual pain. There was something about those shapes, something primal and indescribable that terrified him, but why? Why was he so scared? There were no real words for this sensation. It was something beyond words... like an instinct or intuition. He may not of understood his reaction but he felt it nonetheless, and somewhere deep down inside him, he knew whatever it was it was tied to the drug.

Daniel looked over at the two woman and saw them shrinking away. Even the female doctor stitching up the blond woman's back had stopped in her tracks and was now staring at him with a nervous gaze of bewilderment.

"Are you okay, sir?" A male nurse asked. Daniel looked over at him and nodded, then past him at a shiny metal cabinet where he could see his reflection. He looked grotesque, his eyes round and wide open like he had just seen a ghost or something. His lips were a tiny quivering slit and his skin was flushed. No wonder they were scared of him. He must have looked like a madman.

"I. Just. Need. To. See. A. Doctor." he said in a slow dreamy voice that scared even himself. "Please. Get. One."

"Right away." The nurse walked off and everyone went back to whatever they were doing, though Daniel could see they were still watching him from the corners of their eyes. The lights seemed to flicker and the room took on a darker view.

"Oh God." he moaned as he felt the nightmare world slip back. "Oh God not here."

"Mo'ee ih 'at 'an o'ay?" the little girl asked through a mouth full of gauze.

"I don't know." she answered with a quiver in her voice. Daniel ignored her and closed his eyes. His heart was pounded in his chest so hard it hurt. Keep calm. Keep calm. Keep calm. What the fuck was that? What the fuck did I just see? What was... no keep calm. Keep calm. Goddamn it keep calm. He repeated over and over until he heard a sloshing sound to his right.

Daniel tried not to look. He really tried not to, but he had to. In the dim light he saw something in his IV bag. Something brown. Something moving.

"Oh God..." he moaned again. He leaned in closer to get a better look, the cold metal railing of the gurney poked painfully in his side. The brown thing, things, were squirming around and sliding past one another. They were long and thin with little rings that ran the lengths of their slimy brown bodies. Daniel moved in closer still and gasped.

"Worms!" he cried out. "My IV bag is filled with fucking worms!" He tried to get up but felt the strength flee his body. He reached over to pull the IV but it was stuck in good, and he wasn't strong enough to take it out anyways. "Help me! Help me! God please somebody help me!" he screamed. He watched in horror as one of the worms squeezed through the opening down into the tube connected to his arm. "Get it out! Get it out! Get it out!" he screamed over and over as the long slimy thing pulsated down the clear plastic tube, leaving thin trails of mucus in its wake. He screamed again as it made its way to the needle and squeezed inside, and then again as he felt it squeeze inside him.

Daniel could only cry out in terror as he saw the worm crawl into his veins down further into his arm, making them bulge and undulate. He felt a cold slimy sensation run down his arm as the worm inched deeper and deeper into his body. He looked over and saw more making their way down the tube and into his body. He then felt his body go stiff and push back hard against the gurney as the worms crawled inside him, hijack his body and then paralyzed him. Everywhere, in his arms, his legs, his neck and his chest he felt the little things eat away at him. They even made it to his heart, which pumped furiously to keep the slimy things away from him.

"Help me." he squeaked. "Somebody help me." He looked over to see a short, stout female doctor run up, a syringe in her hand.

"Hold him down!" she yelled and the large male nurse did that, his eyes wide with fear. Daniel felt his strength return and thrashed and tried to roll back and forth.

"Get them out of me! Get them out of me! Get the worms out of me!" he screamed over and over as the woman doctor pushed on the plunger of the syringe, a jet of clear fluid shot out the tip. She pulled out the IV and Daniel looked over to see worms slosh out and wiggle across his bare arms. "They're on my arms! They're on my arms!" The woman grabbed his arm, aimed the needle, and stuck it in and injected the fluid. She then pulled it out as fast as she could and replaced the IV. He stared over at her with desperate eyes and felt himself become very light. Everything was fuzzy and he felt a warm sensation wash over him, and then a few seconds later, the world bleached away into white nothingness.

Chapter Eleven

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Hissssssssh

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Hisssssshhhhuh

Daniel slowly opened his eyes. All he could see was an opaque sheet of gray-green, the kind of color you see on shower curtains or hospital gowns. He felt tired and groggy, and every muscle ached. All he could hear was the gentle hiss of a respirator and the slow, incessant beep of a heart monitor, yet the noises were muffled and sounded far away. The air felt cool against his skin, like the air-conditioner was set up too high. Daniel became aware of three things all at once. First that his arms and legs were secured somehow and he was unable to move. Second that a green-gray sheet of some heavy, plastic-feeling fabric was draped over his entire body, and third that a black rubber respirator tube was jammed down his throat.

Daniels eyes bulged and he gagged hard on the cold plastic tube, doing his best to expel the alien object from his throat. The reflex took over and he choked for a good full minute, his arms and legs jerking hard against the plastic zip ties holding him to the bed. His wrists burned with strain, and the overpowering taste of Vaseline saturated his senses. Daniel coughed and struggled hard, thrashing his head back and forth in a frantic, if impotent, fury. Finally he heard a snap as one of the zip ties broke free. His hand went immediately to the tube and he yanked it out with a hard tug. The rough sensation of something being pulled up his throat triggered another gag reflex and threw up all over his own face.

The smell of stomach acid and digested chicken replaced the odor overpowering scent of Vaseline. It was enough to make him feel sick again and he turned his head in time as he vomited all over the side of his bed. Daniel coughed and gasped for air for several moments, doing his best to calm himself.

"H-h-h-help!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. No one answered. Daniel turned his head to his still bound hand and reached over while his eyes fluttered from the sensation of having the plastic sheet pushing up against his face. He felt for bound wrist with his free hand, all the while ignoring the burning strain from the muscles of his free arm from being held at an awkward position. He hooked his fingers underneath the zip tie and tugged while using his wrist to help push. He tugged and pushed as hard as he could, and his fingers screamed out in pain, but at last he managed to free himself.

Daniel sat up and yanked at the ties at his feet, still doing his best to ignore the uncomfortable sensation of the plastic sheet pushing down on him. A few more tugs and the zip ties came free, and almost in the same motion he swung his feet around the side and slid out of the bed. Daniel knelt down so the sheet wasn't bearing down on him. He looked around but found only a labyrinth of green plastic everywhere. Somewhere a head he could see movement through the sheets, and combined with his hearing he knew that's where the respirator and heart monitor sounds were coming from. Daniel ignored these too and crawled around under the plastic sheet. He bumped into several cold, sterile metal objects he didn't bother trying to identify and moved on. The maze of plastic went on and on until, at last, he found an exit from the sheet.

Daniel crawled out and slowly stood up. His back cracked and he let out a long satisfied moan. He looked back to see the room bathed in a sea of green plastic sheets, the various objects and instruments little more than angular bumps and wave- like creases in its expanse. In the center he noticed two large black respirator pumps, each as tall as a man, go up and down from under the sheet. Each time the respirator moved the creases and folds undulated like the crest of an ocean. Between the two pumps was an oblong shaped object, the heart monitor, with several red blinking lights running up and down the side. Strangely, the whole thing quivered, expanded and contracted just like the beat of a heart. The object beat in perfect synchronization with the monitors beep.

"Creepy." Daniel said to himself. He looked down at his arms and remembered the incident with the worms. Any trace of the worms were gone, but he still shivered. "This fucking bullshit's got to stop. My God, when will it stop?" He let out a long desperate sigh and walked out the door.

Daniel stepped out into the hallway and looked around. It was dark and looked to be completely abandoned. The walls, floors, ceilings and desks were charred as if the building had been set on fire. The tang of smoke still hung in the air and there was papers and wrecked pieces of furniture everywhere. Not a single light was on, and except for the hum of the machinery in the room behind him, it was silent as well. The hallways were lit by dull sunlight from the broken windows, the color of the sky just before a storm. He heard the distant rumble of thunder, yet it was so far off it was barely perceptible. Daniel stumbled down the hallway rubbing his cold arms. He was still wearing the bare-backed hospital gown, and the ground and air still held an uncomfortable chill. His bare feet padded as he walked down the flat-tiled hallway, and he looked back and forth as he did expecting something to jump out at him. Nothing happened.

He came to a window and saw a strange scene. He appeared to be high up, very high up. Like he was in a looming tower or skyscraper. The sky was a neutral gray and completely choked with a thick blanket of clouds pregnant with rain. Below he saw a huge expanse of grasslands that stretched on into the horizon along with sparkling blue rivers that snaked their way across the field.

"Where the hell am I?" he asked aloud. He pulled away and peered into one of the hospital rooms. It was dark in there too but he could tell that _something_ was moving within. "I aint going in there. Fuck this shit I got to find my way out of this one." He looked around the empty hallway. "But where the fuck do I go? What do I do? Jesus this whole thing is fucking weird."

Slowly Daniel managed to get a grip on himself and calmed down.

"Don't freak out, Daniel. This is all just a hallucination. Remember that." He told himself. Gradually the scenery shifted and he now found himself in a part of the hospital that wasn't burned. Everything looked normal, albeit dark and abandoned. Somehow it had turned from day into night and he hadn't even realized it. He turned a corner and as he walked down the hall he heard the sound of another heart monitor, but this one was tiny and nearly imperceptible. Daniel wandered that way and found a nurses station. The hallway behind the desk had a large sign with INDO-PARASITIC REMOVAL WARD printed in plain black lettering.

The desk was made of a neutral gray plastic, and everything looked tidy and in order. The computer screen was off. On one part of the desk, however, he found a very disturbing object; it appeared to be a nearly transparent human fetus, or at least a very young child. The fetus was suspended in a nutrient rich clear solution in a gray medical tank. The baby appeared to have no bone or muscular structure but all of its tiny organs; heart, lung, liver, kidneys, intestines, stomach, nervous system, eye buds and a tiny red bulb for a brain, were visible. They looked like colorful sheets of cellophane paper. Tubes were connected to the baby's mouth, nose and anus, and tiny bubbled floated up every time its miniature lungs inflated and deflated. A small heart monitor next to the baby beeped in a slow but consistent manner. Daniel looked down at a placard next to the helpless child and read it aloud.

Baby Hope

This baby was born without bones or muscles and its brain only consists of the limbic system. This child is kept alive through the miracle of science!

"Miracle, huh? I bet this baby would disagree with you on that one, assholes." Daniel said with an air of disgust. "Why do they even bother trying to keep it alive?" He shivered. He turned to walk away but saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

Daniel stopped and spun around to face the creepy see-through baby again. It bobbed silently up and down and made a burble of bubbles but was otherwise still. He moved in for a closer look and stopped just an inch from the glass.

"There's no way that thing moved. It doesn't even have any muscles." He snorted. "Besides it's not even real." The alien looking thing bobbed up and down as if in agreement. "Still... this is pretty freakin' crazy. Can't believe someone like me can even think of something like this."

_Listen, Danny, I know you may not be the smartest kid in the world but your pretty gosh darn creative._ He heard his mother say, a distant memory he couldn't recall. _The things you think of with your stories and your songs could be a book someday. Or a play._

"Sure thing, mom. A play. I can call it "Stupid asshole who takes strange mystery drug and is now trapped in a walking nightmare... the musical." he laughed at himself. It felt good being self-deprecating. Like a penance for the self-absorbed. His eyes focused on the alien looking baby again and came real close. Its own eyes looked like milky white pods with dark splotches on the end. "Are you my ticket out of this place?" he asked. Then, as if on cues, the baby's eyes rolled up and looked right into his own.

Daniel cried out and backed away. He then laughed aloud.

"God, look at me. I'm fucking seeing shit and getting scared." The baby bobbed again as if to agree with him.

Or mock him.

His smile faded and his face twisted into a scowl. "You're can't scare me! You can't even hurt me because you're not fucking real!" he screamed and then rushed forward and shoved the little container. He heard a loud crash behind the desk followed by the glug of water spilling out of an enclosed space. He stood there, his chest heaving up and down while he stared at the empty space where the alien-baby was. "You're not real! None of this is real! None of it!" he swiped some folders and a printer off the desk.

The objects made a loud crash and the sheets of paper fluttered about like a flock of startled birds. He screamed as loud as he could, his voice echoing throughout the hallways. "Let me out! Let me out! Make this go away!" he collapsed to the ground, his hands over his face.

Daniel groaned and banged his head back against the wall. "God. Please! God please make this..." Daniel stopped when he realized that the baby's shattered glass container was empty.

His eyes fixed on the container, he slowly used the wall to push himself up. That same irrational fear he felt seeing the spider filled him again and he started to back away toward the door. He heard something get knocked over and turned in time to see the hideous little thing peak its head around the corner, its tadpole eyes moving up and down, sizing him up. He took a step backward and it crawled forward, its tiny organs pumping and throbbing inside its see-through skin. The baby opened its tiny mouth and aloud warbling wail pierced the air. Daniel screamed, spun on his heels and ran down the hallway. The baby slid on its own slime in pursuit after him. The hallways wound this way and that, twisting like something from a Dr. Seuss book. He still felt dizzy and light-headed from blood loss, but every time he looked back at that hideous thing a new surge of terror-tinged adrenaline flowed through is veins and drove him forward.

Finally, Daniel made it to the ER and yanked open the doors and spun inside. He slammed it shut, locked it, and slid a medical tool cart in the way. He stumbled backwards and fell back against a gurney and propped himself up on his elbow. His chest heaved and his throat felt dry. If the baby was still there he couldn't hear it. Daniel broke down in tears and cried into his chest, pleading with God to make it all stop. If God listened he showed no sign. Dumbly, he looked around and pushed himself up. The ER was pitch black save for the large metal lamps set within each bay. The lamps cast harsh yellow beams of light on the hospital beds while casting the rest of the big room in deep shadow. Daniel wiped the tears and snot away with the back of his hand and stumbled forward. There was nowhere else to go.

Holding his arms in his hands he moved forward and tried his best not to look at the bays. Still, each time he couldn't help himself and glanced over. He saw the little girl from before laying back on her hospital bed, her blood-caked mouth opened wide as a doctor poked sharp metal instruments inside. With what looked like a pair of pliers the doctor gripped onto one of her teeth and pulled. The girl cried out as the tooth popped out, a long saliva-strand following. The doctor deposited the tooth in a metal pan with a loud pang and then jammed the pliers into the open wound where her tooth had just been. The girl cried out again as he slowly yanked and pulled out a thin white worm out of her gums. He deposited the writhing bloody worm into the pan next to the tooth.

Horrified, Daniel lurched forward and looked over to see the red neck woman from before sitting on the edge of her bed, the female doctor still behind her.

"Whatchu looking at?" she hissed at him. He could see small white maggots wiggling away inside her now gaping knife wounds, and the lady doctor was using her instruments to pull them out one by one. He turned away from that one and saw the sick man who was in the bay next to holding a large clear bucket. He could see it was filled with thick white tape worms that writhed and slid across and through one another, long strands of yellow mucus connecting each worm to each other. The man made a wet cough, belched, then heaved another wave of thick white worms into his bucket.

"Fucking... gross..." Daniel gagged and put a hand over his mouth. He heard the telltale hiss of a respirator and turned around to see a very bloated looking bald man sitting up in his bed. He had black rubber tubes coming out of every orifice of his body, and Daniel traced the tubes to a large glass tank that was filled with more maggots and white worms. Daniel eyes followed the tubes back to the man and he noticed that his sweaty pale skin extended, and he could see the faint outline of maggots, centipedes and worms moving around under his skin.

Daniel stumbled backwards and fell onto another bed. The horror of it all was unreal. His mom was right after all. He was a creative kid.

Creative at torturing himself.

He closed his eyes and breathed in and tried his best to keep calm. The memory of making Patrick Flanders eat worms surfaced, and he squared his jaw in a grim realization. What he was going through was karma, or more likely guilt, for what he did to that poor boy twenty years ago. No wonder he kept seeing worms.

"It's all in my mind." he tried saying to himself again, but held his still aching hand up. "No, this is real. How real..." he looked around and his eyes rested on a folder. "... That is the question I should... be... asking..." his sentence slowed to a stop when he read the name at the top of the folder.

Daniel Gerald Woldt.

Daniel went to push himself up and found himself in a new room altogether. It was dark with a warm blinding white light above. A sound crept into his mind, the maddening drone of a https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxjZzmw0sow. Daniel tried to ignore the eerie sounds and looked around. He was in what looked like an enormous surgeons theatre with huge circular white lights forming a ring just above him. Beyond the light he could see only shadow and strange shadowy forms watching him from the darkness. He looked up and noticed something hovering just above himself and screamed. He saw an enormous red-yellow amniotic sac hovering just above him. Inside were dozens of naked adults who writhed and struggled with one another, their fingers tearing at the rubbery walls entrapping them. Umbilical cords wrapped around each of them, connected to some nexus deeper inside the sac. They were calling for his help. They needed him to free them.

Daniel stumbled screamed in terror and fell back onto his butt as four tall masked orderlies in matching green smocks burst through a door within the shadows and surrounded him. Daniel tried to cry out but one of them put a gloved hand over his face with the others shoved him down against the gurney. Daniel thrashed and tried to cry out as they forced his arms and legs to the side and used zip ties to restrain him. The scent of latex filled his nostrils as the orderly by his head jammed his fingers into his mouth and forced it open. Daniel gagged and felt warm spit run down the side of his mouth as the doctor clicked on another one of those small lights and flashed him in the mouth and eyes. Dazed but still panicked, Daniel continued thrashing as the doctors yanked hard on the gurney and pulled him through the hallways.

Bright fluorescent circles of light flashed between yawning stretches of black shadow as he was wheeled down a long hallway. He was in a hallway now? Daniel moved his head back and forth between the orderlies, trying to make eye contact but they just stared straight ahead. His head lolled to the side and he saw quick flashes of the rooms they passed. One showed a little girl sitting up in bed in near darkness, her sullen dark eyes starring forward. Flies, thousands of them, swarmed around her head like a big solid moving mass of darkness. Some of them landed on her forehead. Others on her face and arms. One landed on her eye and others crawled out of the small slit of her mouth.

Horrified, Daniel turned his head the other way and saw a room with an elderly man sitting in a wheel chair. A dull yellow-brown light, like an overturned lamp, lit him from behind. His chest was cut open and his lungs heaved and heart beat slow, steady pulses. The rest of his organs; his intestines, his liver, his stomach, pancreas and kidneys were removed and suspended in glass boxes near his body, each organ connected by long red tubes of flesh to his esophagus. Daniel recognized him as the suspicious man he passed on his walk to Anthony's.

"Whatchu looking at?" he asked and took a hit from his cigarette. Daniel turned his head again and saw another room with a harsh white light beaming down on a patient whose torso was cut open. Several med students pocked and prodded his organs as an instructor looked on. One raised his black eyes and looked Daniel's way, his expression hidden by his mask. Daniel looked past him to the patient and saw that is eyes were open and mouth and moved as if screaming. No sound came out. Daniel looked at the young lady bisecting his lungs and figured out why.

Daniels eyes returned to the ceiling to the passing light fixtures. A moment later the surroundings changed again. The dark empty hospital hallway was now filled with brilliant sunlight. Windows lined the hallways and square beams of light shone down across the gray marble floor. A bright cloudy sky could be seen beyond, and the walls and ceiling were now made of a pretty dark wood. It was beautiful, but for some reason that made the whole thing even more horrifying. Daniel was wheeled into a dark mostly empty room and placed under a large metal machine with a beige plastic shell over it. It had a strange, unnatural shape to it, like something in a surrealist painting, but he could tell it was some sort of MRI machine. The machine whined and came to life and warm waves of comforting heat blew down upon him. Hydraulic gears whined some more as the big head of the machine moved up and down as a red laser of light scanned his body. It tickled. After a few moments the machine made another beep and spat out an x-ray.

The doctors looked it over and passed it to one another, each nodding and mumbling something incomprehensible to each other. One of them held out the x-ray to so Daniel could see. It showed his abdominal cavity but it looked bloated, and to his horror, he saw the twisting lines of worms saturating his every organ. Even his heart. The doctors then grabbed the railings to his bed and wheeled him out of the room in a great hurry. Daniel opened his mouth to scream but one of them jammed another black incubation tube into his throat. He coughed hard but could do nothing to get it out. He was brought to a very large and lofty circular room. Windows opened to the bright gray sky lined the top half like a basilica. Daniel looked over, his eyes watering from choking so much, and saw dozens of little bay's divided by sheets of that gray-green plastic set around a big wooden pillar.

Daniel was brought to one of the bays and felt the warm rays of sunshine from the ceiling rain down him, then an even warmer light as they flicked on one of those circular metal fixtures with six lights aimed right at him. No, not him. At his torso. He tried to look around and struggle but he was really constrained this time. There was no escaping. The orderlies left them there, and there was a long quiet moment that followed. A silence only broken by his grunts and struggles.

"Heeeop! Heeeop!" he tried screaming for help. No response. He looked over at the blank gray-green sheets and saw movement through them. A moment later someone pushed against the sheet and formed a ghostly outline of a person, with crevices and holes where the eyes, nose and mouth were. More faces emerged in the sheets, six in all, each sliding back and forth as they moved about. Then hands emerged from the sheets and stretched toward him.

Medical instruments were just beyond his vision, but Daniel turned his head to see one of the ghost doctors pick up a scalpel.

"Ooh gaw! Ooh gaw!" Daniel screamed in terror as the doctor dug the knife into his hospital smock and ripped it open with a loud tear. Another doctor opened his smock and Daniel felt the warm sun on his naked body while a third doctor shaved his chest while a fourth rubbed the alcohol solution all over his body. The one with a scalpel seemed to turn to look him in the eyes, its expression eerily blank. Then the doctor lowered his scalpel to the area just below his neck.

Daniel tried to scream as he felt the cold metal bite into his skin and drag down his body. He felt a horrible burning sensation that was beyond anything he had experienced before. Warm blood oozed up from the small incision and rolled down his sides in wet lines. Another incision went across his belly and he tried to scream some more. It came out as a wet choking sob. He looked down to see the doctors pull the flaps of his flesh back and threaded them with small fishing hooks to hold them open. His frantic eyes moved to his menagerie of red and purple organs, their surfaces wet and shining under the light. The doctor moved the scalpel to his stomach first, cutting it open and holding the flaps aside. The fifth doctor reached in, dug around, and pulled out a fist full of writing worms and maggots and deposited them into a metal pan held up by the sixth doctor.

Daniel felt each cut as they repeated the process with each of his organs. They sliced open his pancreas next, then liver, intestines and kidneys and extracted the wiggling worms. It seemed to take hours, and just when Daniel thought he could take no more, one of the doctors pulled up a bone saw. He screamed again through the tube as the engine whined and the blades spun, then screamed some more as they cut open his rib cage and tore them apart so they could get to his heart and lungs. This hurt even far worse than the cutting. Tears streamed down his face as they dug into his lungs. His breath wouldn't catch but the machine made sure he still had air.

Finally, the doctor lowered the scalpel to his heart and he cried out a third time as it cut in. His heart beat faster and faster, so fast one of the doctors grabbed hold of it in his hands while the main surgeon lowered the blade. All he remembered was feeling so much pain it made his head spin, and his eyes fluttered as they focused on the brilliant white streams of light shining down upon him. He kept his gaze on those lights as he tried to ignore the pain.

It didn't work.

Chapter Twelve

"Daniel? Daniel can you hear me?" asked a sweet voice from above. Daniel groggily opened his eyes and looked up. A dark haired feminine form hovered above him, her eyes big pools of darkness in the blurry white haze.

"Christina?" he grunted. The blurriness cleared and he Mandy came into view. Her eyes narrowed for a brief moment, hurt or angry or both. Then she smiled.

"No it's me, baby. Mandy." she said and then leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

"I was sooo worried about you." she cooed as she stroked his hair. "You had a total meltdown in the ER."

"I did?" he asked. He looked around and saw that he was in a tiny hospital room. There was a nightstand with a beige table lamp next to him on one side with a bottle of water and a remote control. The walls were painted powder blue, like his apartment, and a small white flat-screen TV hung down from the ceiling. Cartoons were playing though the volume was off. There was a bathroom across from the bed between it and the door. He noticed it was dark and storming outside. Rain left small metallic pangs on the window.

"Daniel?" she asked again. He turned back to her. Another table lamp behind her gave her a halo of pure white light. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." he said and then rested his head back against the pillow. "I am now." a beat. "I freaked out in the ER?"

"Yeah. You started screaming something about worms so they had to tranquilize you." she replied. "I could hear you from the waiting room."

"What did they do to me next?" he asked and sat up. Mandy shrugged.

"I don't know. I think they took you to get some x-rays or something than brought you here."

"They didn't operate on me?"

"Uh, no. I don't think so. I wasn't there for all that but I'm pretty sure I would know if they operated on you." she leaned forward and stroked his hair. "Why?"

"No reason." he answered. He glanced at the walls and saw them slowly throbbing. Breathing. Still fucking high.

"Are you okay now, baby?" Mandy asked again.

"I don't know." he answered. "I keep seeing things. Hearing things. Feeling things. It just won't end." He looked over at her, his eyes growing hopeful." Did they do tests on me? Did they figure it out?"

"Yeah they ran some tests." she answered. "But no results yet. We're still waiting."

"Damn it." he sounded crestfallen.

"I'm so sorry, baby."

"Don't be. I deserve it." he said bitterly.

"What do you mean?" she asked. He sighed heavily and stared out the window.

"Because I'm a bad person."

Mandy stared at him in silence for a long while. For a moment he thought she was going to slap him.

"No, you're not." she said firmly, her eyes bearing into his.

"I am. I bullied kids. I hurt people. I hurt a lot of people." his eyes glazed over and he stared off. "I hurt you."

"But you're not like that anymore." she protested.

"Yes, I am." he replied.

"No!" Mandy stood up suddenly and towered over him. "You're not like that anymore!" Daniel stared up at her, bewildered.

"Mandy..."

"Shut up!" she sat down. "You're not. Like. That."

"Why?" he asked, still staring at her. "Why do you care? Why can't you see what a piece of shit I am? WHY DON'T YOU HATE ME?"

Mandy sniffed and looked down and wrung her hands together.

"Because I fell in love with a sweet boy who loved life and went out of his way to make me happy." she said at length. She shook her head back and forth and stood up and paced the room. "Everybody ignored me. No matter how smart I was. No matter how nice I was. No matter what I did nobody ever paid any attention to me. I got good grades and my parents couldn't care. No one asked me out to a school dance. No one asked me to prom. The other kids made fun of me. I was the fat Goth girl in school. I was angry. I hated the world. I hated everybody!" She spun around on her heels. "Then when I went to college I got so sick of being me I lost weight and, all the sudden, the same guys who used to make fun of me and throw rocks at me during recess were now trying to fuck me? No...." she shook her head and her voice trailed off. "I felt more jaded than ever but you, Danny, you were different. You were always there for me. You always knew how to make me laugh. When my mom died you were by my side. When I took it out on you... you just took the abuse. When I got depressed and put the pounds back on you were still there with me the whole way. You never abandoned me so I'm not going to abandon you." She moved in close so her face was close to his. "Whoever you were all those years ago... you're not the same person you are now. I can see it, baby. I can see it in your eyes."

Daniel stared back into her eyes for a long while, trembling. He looked down at his hands and felt like weeping but he held the tears back.

"Thank you." he whispered.

"For what?" she asked.

"For still believing in me. It's... its so good knowing somebody still cares."

"I care." she said breathlessly and put her forehead against his. There was a light rap at the door and they looked over to see Doctor Kornblum enter.

"Hello Mr. Woldt. We met a few hours ago." he said in a weary voice. The voice of a man who was tired and wanted to go home but still had hours left of his shift. Still, at least he was pleasant.

"What's up doc?" Daniel did his best Bugs Bunny Impersonation. The doctor looked over at the TV and chuckled.

"Good to see you still have your sense of humor." he said.

"So what is it? Am I okay?" Daniel asked eagerly.

"Well we did run some x-rays on you while you were, ahem, unconscious." he said as he pulled out a pair of reading glasses. He flipped through the chart he held in his hands. "You will be glad to know that we found no signs of internal bleeding nor even a concussion. Your platelet levels were at 8.1 from the blood loss so we gave you a blood transfusion and now you're at a healthy 12.4. In other words you are in good health."

"Oh thank god!" Daniel exclaimed with a heavy sigh.

"Well, that is good news and all but..." Dr. Kornblum sat on the edge of the desk and placed the chart in his hands in an oddly feminine gesture. "... I don't believe that's what this is all really about, right?"

"Right." Daniel looked down. "The drug."

"Yes, the drug. And the psychotic break in the ER." Dr. Kornblum said. "Something about worms being in your IV. I've heard of people experiencing some horrible things while on drugs but that one takes the cake."

"Yeah. I'm still hallucinating. It's been almost five days, doc. Please tell me it's going to stop soon."

"Well, that's the problem." Dr. Kornblum said with a sigh of his own. "We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Don't know what?" Daniel asked.

"Well, we don't know when you are going to stop having these... experiences because we don't know what's causing them." The doctor explained.

"The drugs are causing them!" Daniel yelled. Dr. Kornblum clicked his tongue and shook his head.

"We're not so sure of that." he said cryptically.

"What the hell does that mean?" Daniel prodded.

"It means that we ran tests on your blood and urine and found zero deviations in your body's normal chemistry. Your body is clean of any substances that might be causing these things you are experiencing." He explained. Daniel stared back at him, one eye twitching.

"But it started when I took that drug..." he spoke slowly, carefully.

"And there are no signs of said mystery drug in your body."

"Then why am I seeing shit?" Daniel rasped. "Why am I feeling this shit?" Dr. Kornblum swallowed hard. His face was pallid. Serious.

"My best guess?" he paused and looked over at Mandy. "Mental illness."

"Mental illness?" Mandy asked. "Like depression? Bi-polar?"

"No. More like Schizophrenia."

"Schizophrenia?" Daniel mouthed the words. It was the word he was dreading this whole time. "You think I... I took this drug and it made me schizophrenic?"

"It's possible." The doctor explained. "It's been known that hard hallucinogens can bring already existing mental disorders to the surface. Maybe even make them permanent." he paused, then added. "Do you have any family history of mental illness?" Daniel stared forward, his eyes glazed over.

"Yeah." he said at length. "My mom is bi-polar. Had to be hospitalized for it a few times."

"I see." Dr. Kornblum scribbled something down on his pad. It made sense, really. Perfect sense. Whatever drug he took made him schizophrenic. That's why the nightmares won't go away.

"What should I do?" he asked.

"Well first we need to find out what is wrong with you. You'll need to speak with a Psychiatrist to diagnose you with whatever it is your suffering from. From there I know there are many types of medications that can help people with your condition, whatever that may be and...." The doctor's words faded into a low reverb-filled echo. Daniel looked over to see him fade away, then jerked his head to the other direction and saw that Mandy was gone too. He was alone in the room and everything was silent.

Daniel's heart beat in his chest and he closed his eyes and tried to will the hallucination away. It didn't work. He could see the sour yellow glow through the slits of his closed eyes, and he opened them to see the glow coming from underneath his bed. He tried to get out but realized he was strapped to it again.

"Fuck!" he screamed. Then he heard the sound of something wet drag across the ground. He turned his head to see a thick-scaled white tentacle slither up the side of his bed and then over his stomach. "Fuck! Somebody help me!" he screamed as another tentacle crept across his chest, then more along his legs and arm and neck to hold him firmly in place. He watched as an enormous white mouth with dark purple gums and a row of long, dagger like teeth, rise at the foot of his bed. It grew bigger and bigger and the jaw extended toward him. "Oh shit!" He screamed as the mouth came down over him and enclosed him in its warm, thick darkness. The smell was terrible. He felt the teeth slowly push into his chest and shoulder. He screamed in terror and pain as blood ran down his shoulder and chest. Then, as suddenly as it appeared, the vision vanished and he was on his bed again, staring at the doctor. The doctor let out a long reluctant sigh. "Before that, though, we need to make sure you do not hurt yourself again, or anyone else for that matter. That is why I believe we should have you committed."

Daniel stared at him, still shaking from the episode. The doctor did not seem to notice, nor did Mandy. Everything must have happened in the blink of an eye.

"I know you must be very distraught about this. It is a very crude term, but yes I think it is in your best interest that you spend some time at Riverwood Home until the psychiatrists there deem you sane enough to rejoin society." The doctor said plainly. Daniel thought about going to a place like that in his current condition and shook his head.

"Please Dr. Kornblum can't you just prescribe me some medicine and send me home?"

"I can't prescribe you that kind of medicine. Only a Psychiatrist can write scripts for anti-psychotics." He sat down on the edge of the desk again. "Generally they will only hold you for seventy two hours in which they run a battery of tests, both physical and psychological, to diagnose you. After that point if you show marked signs of improvement or are prescribed medication that should help with your problems they will let you go."

"But I don't want to go there! Please Dr. Please don't make me." Daniel shrieked. The doctor closed his eyes and shook his head.

"It's in your best interest." he shifted his weight. "The symptoms you have shown are not severe enough to involuntarily commit you. You haven't attacked anyone and you only fell because of an accident. That is why I am asking you to voluntarily go."

"No way, man. I'm not fucking going to Riverwood. Period." Daniel slashed his hands in the air.

"Danny." Mandy said quietly. "Maybe you should."

"Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, you idiot! Don't you get it? Look at you, baby, you're seeing shit. Your feeling shit. Your emotions are all over the place. Something is wrong with you Danny and this may be the only way you can get better."

"No way I'm going to a nut house." he said. "I'll... find some way to fix it myself." Mandy threw up her hands and rose to her feet. She paced around the room.

"Fine. Then I'm leaving you. Again."

The blood froze in Danny's veins. Mandy spun on her heel toward him.

"Don't you remember why I left you in the first place?" she said and sat down next to him and took his hand into her own. "I love you but you are self-destructive. You let yourself fall to pieces instead of trying to pick yourself up. If something is wrong you just let it fester and fester until it becomes something you can't ignore. I mean, Jesus Danny, do you know how hard it is for me to sit here and watch you hurt yourself over and over? The drinking, the drugs, and the lack of motivation... it's like you don't even try to stop."

"I said I would stop." he replied in a low voice. "I mean it."

"Well that doesn't mean shit if your still going to be stuck down that hole. You need to at least try to pull yourself up. I will help you, but I need you for once in your life to not do what you want but to do what you need. Capiche? Whether you like or not this is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. So do it." Daniel stared at her for a long time, his lips trembling and eyes watering. He really, really, really didn't want to go to Riverwood, but they were right. It may be the only way to make the hallucinations stop.

"Okay." he whispered. "I'll do it. I will go to Riverwood. For you."

"No." Mandy said firmly. "Do it for you." He bit his lower lip and nodded, then looked over to the doctor.

"Alright Dr. Kornblum. Where do I sign up?"

Chapter Thirteen

Riverwood Home looked nothing like Daniel expected. Every time he saw an asylum in a movie or read about one in a book they were always pictured as towering wide buildings of dark brick built in the middle of nowhere, or perhaps on an island or lonely grass hill. A single twisted tree rose from the ground, its top branches hanging down like a noose from some gallows. Sometimes a raven would caw into the lonely night, and the inside was filled with spiders and centipedes and every creepy crawly that gave you the willies. The place was filled with raving lunatics who walked around in strait jackets, their lips misted with slobber, eyes popping like corn in a kettle. They spoke in disjointed syllables, their voices rising and falling as they ranted long into the night. Massive orderlies in white scrubs waited around for one of them to step out of line so they could drag them screaming and biting all the way back to their prison like cells. It was usually dark, often raining and always the last place you wanted to be on Earth.

Riverwood was almost the exact opposite. Riverwood was a small one-story building built right off of M-51 south of Decatur. While it stood on a hill it was by no means remote. There was a Sunoco gas station and a Denny's restaurant right across the highway. The building was made of green glass and had a low stooping sandstone-colored roof. It had a fresh Modern Deco feel to it, and while most thought it an ugly building there was nothing scary or intimidating by it. Daniel looked around as they wheeled him inside to the dark place that, strangely, appeared much more spacious inside. Shiny postmodern tables, counter-tops, couches, desks, fire-places and recliner chairs filled the space at neat angles. A large flat-screen television played a Detroit Tigers baseball game. Slowly moving ceiling fans spun in languorous circles like airplanes waiting for descent.

Past the front lobby, living room and dining room laid the heart of the facility. There was only about ten rooms for patients, three public and one private bathroom for employees, a medicine room, an employee's lounge, the kitchen, a tiny doctor's office, laundry and supply rooms, another storage room, a small but crowded rec room and, off by itself, a quiet and secluded therapy room. Each of the patient's rooms were tiny (about the size of a doctor's office) but comfortable. There was a bed, a dresser, a television set and a chair for visitors. Daniel walked into his new room and sat at the edge of the bed. He looked at the light blue walls, the white sheets with matching pillow and blanket and sighed. Neutral colors meant to keep the patient calm and collective, except to the patients the colors were anything but neutral. They painted the worlds around them with their minds, and neutral colors just made it easier to manipulate the canvas.

After settling in Daniel decided to check out the place and get to know everybody. There were about six patients there and maybe twice as many employees. Brenda, the pretty African-American lady at the front desk, was always chipper and polite to everyone, her sweet voice carrying over the living room every time the phone rang or someone paged her. Whenever she spoke a cloud of colorful glass butterflies emerged from her mouth and fluttered about the living room. Each time one landed it popped and her voice burst forward to answer another call or flirt with one of the male nurses.

The six nurses, four women and two men, kept a close eye on the patients but were anything but intimidating. They acted more like friends than caretakers and even joined in on the board games and cheered for the local teams. At times they took an amorphous appearance, their features blurred and indeterminate as they glided back and forth. Maruinho and Gretchen were the short-order cooks who hung around the kitchen to keep away from the crazies and, when breakfast, lunch or dinner came, made serviceable food. They spoke to each other in a strange garbled language that sounded like a mixture of many different tongues pasted together and overlapping with one another. There were two male orderlies, both of which looked like tall pale skinned ogres with scrunched faces and long jutting teeth. There was also one physician and one psychiatrist there at all times, though the faces flitted in and out as they rotated there from whatever hospital they normally worked for when they were not at Riverhome. Daniel had a hard time telling them apart, and they rarely spoke to the patients when they were on duty, preferring to stay in their offices and page through dog-eared magazines between sessions.

The locals were interesting folk in their own right. Blake Ryan was a chubby middle-aged man with thinning sandy hair and thick pink lips that made it look like he was always pouting. Blake always wore a dark blue University of Michigan jacket and would sit in front of the TV and rock back and forth as he watched. Daniel knew he suffered from some sort of severe autism. Horace Bellinger was an old spindly man with a tuft of gray hair and a long beaked nose. He always sat in a wicker-back chair in the living room and stared out the window, his eyes shrouded in the shadow cast by his heavy brow. He was a Schizophrenic that was always stuck in a catatonic state, only moving once every few minutes.

Janelle Wiggums was a plump dark skinned woman with memory problems. She liked to sit in the rec room and tell stories to whoever was listening, often times no one at all. She paused only to laugh, and her yellow teeth looked like kernels of corn. A man known to Daniel only as Mr. Hong paced around the living room while muttering to himself. He was short and chubby and wore a greasy pair of glasses that dangled off the edge of his stubby nose as he spoke his incomprehensible gibberish. Whenever he passed anyone he would cover his face with his hand and make low grunting sounds.

***

The next three days passed in the same blur as before. Just like the hospital time dilated between lasting forever and running too fast. He spoke to a battery of doctors and psychiatrists about his problem and did his best to describe the drug he took and its effects. They listened with muted interest and scribbled a lot of notes. Every time he rolled his pleading eyes to them in search of answers they gave none. They just said he had to wait until they were finished with their diagnosis. On the second day he was transported back to the hospital so they could run full scan MRI's on his brain to look for anomalous activities. The machines were always cold and uncomfortable but he was grateful to escape Riverwood for a few hours.

Mandy came and visited for about an hour each day, the one bright spot in the otherwise dim period filled with bated anxiety. She was always cheery and supportive, and he treasured the few moments they sat together on his bed, her arm around her shoulder and her breasts pressed against his ribs. Her skin was warm and creamy, and he felt a tingle in his groin being so close to her again. He wondered why she was so supportive of him. He was a total mess and she was a beneficent angel who kept a quiet vigil over him. Her explanation at the hospital made sense but he knew there was more to it, something deeper she hasn't shared yet. He felt no need to press her about it.

Daniel spent most of the time in his room watching the TV while waiting for his next test or therapy session. The hallucinations still haunted him, though they became less nightmarish and more bizarre in nature. The colors thickened and thinned, the walls and ceiling lumbered and trembled like something you would see in a cartoon. Strange white tendrils of what looked like wet plaster grew out from the ceilings and both up and down the walls. Whenever he turned away they would vanish into a wispy white smoke that he could only see out of the corner of his eye, and by the time he looked back they were gone altogether.

Brilliant white sunlight poured into a corner of the building from the windows, forming a pretty fairy-like glen that remained even when darkness fell over the room. Tiny specks of fairy light drifted about and every inch of surface within the glen was covered by a dark, wet moss. The flame in the fireplace grew up and up, tendrils of hot yellow licked the bricks of the fireplace and climbed all the way up into the chimney. And there was the storm, a never ending churn of clouds, wind and booming thunder that crept closer and closer but always seemed far away. Daniel did not see the sun once his whole time there.

On the third day Daniel found himself sitting in his room, staring at the wall. Long thin lines of gray snaked themselves up and down the powder blue painted plaster like worms trying to cross a bridge of concrete. A deep throaty rumble of thunder murmured in the distance while the rain grew to a steady drawl. Daniel watched the rain with fascination, imagining each drop as an individual person. This lead to the sound of screaming as each drop hit the glass and grass, a maddening din that drove him crazy. Daniel covered his ears and buried his face into his knees to make it go away. A cold air fell over him and the room fell silent. He looked up to see that it was now snowing.

"It's snowing?" he asked himself. He pushed himself off the bed and glided to the window and looked out. His room over looked a large grassy field with a single oak tree growing in the center of it. The grass was now covered by a blanket of glittering white snow. The sky was an opaque gray expanse of low, pregnant clouds. A misty haze lingered over the field. It looked beautiful. He wanted to be there. Daniel left his room and walked through the now silent, abandoned building and left the front door in jeans and a white t-shirt. It was cold outside but he didn't feel uncomfortable. Daniel's feet crunched in the soft, wet snow as he stepped out into the grass field and walked toward the tree.

It looked taller now and inside the bark he could see a brilliant golden glow. He slowly made his way across the field toward the tree. The air was heavy with silence. He felt serene. As he came near the tree he noticed it wasn't an ordinary tree anymore. The trunk was made from a series what looked like twisted tentacles wrapped around the base like octopus arms. The leaves above were made of some glass-like substance and golden in color. Golden like the light. He could see it shine through the cracks of the tentacles, and as he grew close he could feel its warmth surround him. Protect him. He places his hand on the tree and tried to look inside a crack. An eye, an odd yet beautiful golden eye stared back at him, its pupil emanating the light he saw.

Free me. A voice spoke inside his head. He recognized it as the voice from his dreams and visions. Free me and I can free you.

"Who are you?" He asked.

I am everything. I am God. I am you. It answered cryptically. Daniel narrowed his eyes.

"I don't understand." He muttered, confused.

You do, but you do not. Only you have the answers to your own questions.

"Please, enough riddles. Where are you? How are you trapped?"

I am trapped inside you. Like a dream inside a nightmare inside your conscious needs and desires.

"Please... I don't understand." He pleaded.

That is because you do not understand yourself. You fear but do not know what it is you fear. You scream not from your mouth but deeper inside. Your torment and pain are a shell. You need to crawl from your shell and stand up and walk toward moksha.

"Wait, what?"

Seven billion cerebellums yet only a single mind. You are one of many but connected. You have forgotten how to walk and crawl on your bellies, trying to escape the sea. Children who pick up a book but cannot read or speak the words. Your minds are cups trying to hold the sea. You do not understand. I can make you understand. Free me and I can free you.

Daniel heard a knock at his door and looked over to see Stacy, one of the nurses, leaned in.

"Mr. Woldt? Dr. Fletcher is ready to see you." she chirped in her too-happy voice and then slipped out of view. Daniel sighed and stood up. Great. Another Psychiatrist. When are they going to give me a goddamn drug to make this bullshit go away? Daniel walked out of the room with his shoulders hunched, his eyes cast down to the black and white paneled floor. He shuffled to the therapy room and pushed the door inside.

A portly middle-aged woman with thick red glasses and a ruddy chin that hung obscenely down her neck brushed off her skirt and stood up. Her greasy blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and the blue khaki suit bulged at the seams from her girth. The woman walked over and shook his hand, her red high-heels clacked against the hard floor with each step.

"Hello Mr. Woldt. My name is Sylvia Fletcher and I here to help you." she said with a big fake grin. "Please take a seat."

"Okay." Daniel eyed her suspiciously but sat down in one of the soft crème colored sofas. Sylvia cleared her throat and shuffled through a bunch of papers as she glanced over the notes the other psychiatrists left for her. Daniel hated the way she breathed through her nose and her beady hazel eyes but did his best to keep an open mind. It was hard. He hated psychiatrists. Always had.

"Okay, Mr. Woldt, let's start from the beginning..."

Chapter Fourteen

Sylvia asked Daniel harmless questions at first, little things to build a bridge of communication and trust with him. He remained guarded but answered them the best he could. She asked what sports he liked, what music he listened to, movies he watched and video games he played and other hobbies he enjoyed. She tried unsuccessfully to relate to him on many of these things, sometimes in ways that almost made him laugh. Daniel knew why she was here and hated dancing around the obvious with such trivialities. Finally, after enough pointless banter, she started with the serious questions.

"Okay Daniel. Why don't you tell me about your family." she asked. Daniel leaned back and his chair and stared at her a long time, so long she repeated the question.

"What's there to say?" he answered at last. "I fucking hate them."

"Why do you hate them?" she asked.

"They hate me." he shrugged. "Or at least they don't give a shit about me."

"Now why do you say that?"

"Because they don't."

"But why?" she asked, pointing her pen at him. He let out another heavy sigh.

"Because I'm a disappointment to them." he answered while looking down at his feet. "I'm not what they wanted me to be. They both come from families where their parents decided what was best for them and shit. My parents tried that on me but I told them to fuck off."

"They have your brother?" Sylvia pointed out. Daniel laughed.

"My brother the retard?" he asked incredulously. Sylvia gave him a dirty look. "Oh sorry, the 'mentally handicapped.' I forgot how we're so fucking PC these days."

"I understand he is Autistic. That is not the same thing as being mentally retarded." she corrected.

"Whatever. The kid can dress himself without ma's help. Can't get a job, make friends... you know, handicapped." Daniel went on. "He's a burden to them and they hate him for it, but they are too fucking scared to admit it to themselves so they take it out on me."

"So you hate your brother?" she asked pointedly.

"Nope, but I really don't care about him either." Daniel said honestly. "Listen, Tyler came along when I was a senior in high school. I was out of the house before he was out of diapers. Never really talked to him, he never really talked to me. I don't really know him and because my parents are passive-aggressively taking out their frustrations with him out on me I don't really want to know him."

"But he's your brother. Your own flesh and blood." she said as professionally as she could. He could tell he was getting to her.

"So? My parents are my own flesh and blood and I hate them too." he paused and stared off, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Honestly, I don't hate my brother. I just... I just get frustrated by the way my parents treat me and I take it out on him sometimes, at least in my mind, if that makes sense."

"It does." Sylvia nodded.

"I actually feel sorry for him. Poor kid will never have the chances I had. He will never have a future. He's just stuck in his body... you know... drifting along."

"A lot of Autistic people can succeed in life. They just need to be nurtured and helped along the way."

"Yeah, whatever. Still he's got it rough. I feel bad for him." Daniel shook his head. "Poor kid."

"Why do you think your parents had him so late in life? Your mother had to be in her late thirties when she had him, right?" Sylvia asked.

"I think they wanted a second chance." Daniel answered distantly. "I screwed up so bad, even back then, that I think they just wanted a second chance to have a normal kid." He snorted. "Boy did that ever bite them in the ass. Karma's a bitch, though."

"You seem to have a lot of resentment toward your parents." Sylvia pointed.

"No shit."

"Why don't you tell me about your parents?"

Daniel looked down again, and this time she could see a painted look in his face.

"Where should I start?" he asked.

"Let us start with your mother. What was she like?" Sylvia asked.

"Sometimes she was really sweet and caring. She used to always take me to the park when I was young and always bought me toys from the stores and stuff. We used to dance around the living room to old swing music and we would get dressed up like explorers and pretend the backyard was a jungle and crawl around on our bellies." he said, a slight smile on his face. "We had a lot of fun."

"You said sometimes? What about the other times?" Sylvia asked. The smile faded.

"Other times she would get really depressed and stay in her room all day and say how much she hated her life and hated all of us for ruining her potential."

"Your mother blamed you for her own failures?"

"She blamed everyone for her failures, but me the most." Daniel practically spit out the words. "Mom... she was a musical prodigy when she was in school and she thinks she could have been the next Vivaldi or something."

"But what happened?" Sylvia asked.

"Mom was something of a wild child I guess. She was raised in a real conservative house so when she went to college she was free of her parents and just went nuts. She met my dad at a party and got pregnant with me and her parents were Catholics so they made her marry him. His mom made him do the same thing. They hate each other now."

"So her pregnancy with you is what made her drop out of college?"

"That's what she says but I think it's because she's a fuck up. Partied too much and let her grades slip. She flunked out but it wasn't because of me. She flunked out because she was up all night getting drunk and fucking random guys."

"This was when she was still with your father?"

"Yeah. Like I said she didn't really love him. There was a lot of arguing and he beat her a lot when I was a kid." he paused then added softly. "She sometimes beat me too."

"Your mother was physically abusive with you?" Sylvia asked.

"Sometimes. When she drank she would get in these big fits and rant about how much she hates everyone and sometimes she would back hand me." he answered. "Dad hit me too but only when I was bad. Mom... she was random."

"Your mother drank a lot?"

"Yeah. Wine. Brandy. Scotch... that kind of stuff. I guess it was her way of coping with her depression."

"Do you think that is why you have such substance abuse problems?" Sylvia asked. Daniel didn't answer. She decided not to push it. "You said she would spend days at a time in bed. Was she depressed a lot?"

"All the time. She had these episodes, you know. Something would set her off, like somebody saying they don't like a song she likes, or if she overcooked something and someone mentioned something about it she would start weeping and run off into her room and just stay there a few days and then, all the sudden, she would burst out the room all smiles and rainbows and shit like nothing ever happened." he paused. "It was fucking weird, man."

"Hmm." Sylvia scribbled down some more notes. "It sounds like your mother suffers from Bi-Polar disorder."

"Yeah." Daniel nodded. "That's what her psychiatrist said."

"Mm hm. Does she take any medications for it?" she asked. Daniel shrugged again.

"Dunno. She's in denial about it. Her only medicine is booze and John Coltrane."

"I see." Sylvia shifted in her seat. "Is there anything else you wish to talk about concerning your mother?"

"No." Daniel crossed his arms across his chest.

"Okay then. How about we talk about your father?"

Sylvia saw a flicker of light in his eyes, a pale shadow of emotion, or many emotions. She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips like a hunter circling its prey. She sensed a weak spot.

"What about him?" Daniel's voice was low. Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance.

"Tell me about him." Sylvia pressed.

"What's there to tell? He's the biggest pile of shit on this planet."

"Can you elaborate please?"

"Fine." Daniel huffed impatiently. The darkness in his eyes twinkled. "He's an evil man and I wish he would just fucking kill himself. I have these fantasy's, you know, where he does it. I would kill him myself but I know I would go to jail for it so I just hope he does it himself. In my fantasy he goes into his room in the basement and takes one of his shotguns and realizes what a miserable piece of shit he is he blows off his own head. If I'm lucky I get to find his body so I can piss all over it."

"You seem to have a lot of resentment toward your father."

"Well, duh."

"You keep telling me how much you hate him and how you wish harm on your father but you keep dancing around why? Why do you hate your father?"

Daniel closed his eyes and let out a long whistle through his teeth. He opened them slowly and she saw that same hateful twinkle had intensified.

"My father..." Daniel began, shaking his head back and forth. "There's nothing good you can say about him. He's mean and always negative. He never once said anything nice or positive to me. I think he blames me for holding him back too or something."

"Why do you think he acts that way?" Sylvia asked.

"He too grew up in a religious house hold. His mother, Granny Woldt, was a grade-A psycho bitch who used to beat the fuck out of him for misquoting Bible verses and shit. He grew up to be an angry cynical man."

"So the abuse made him cynical and angry?"

"Everything made him cynical and angry. He loves machines. He wanted to be a mechanic. In high school he loved shop class and decided that's what he was going to go to engineering school."

"I thought he is an accountant?"

"He is. He wanted to be a mechanic but his mother was one of those domineering types. She thought that wasn't good enough for him so she made him go to school for accounting because he's good at math instead."

"But he was an adult?"

"Doesn't matter. She brow beat him from a young age and made him be something he hated because he was too chicken shit to rebel."

"So you hate him for his weakness?"

"Among other things." Daniel nodded. "But yeah, that's one of them."

"Why else do you hate your father?" Sylvia asked.

"Well, he's abusive. He hit me and mom a lot. Tyler too, I think. I never saw it but since he acts out and stuff I'm assuming he does. I think because he hates his life so much he has to take it out on us."

"Why does your mother put up with it?"

"She's weak too. She was raised to be obedient to people and she's really non-confrontational. She'd just prefer to hide in her room until he's not so angry."

"She never came to your rescue?"

"Like I said, weak." Daniel snarled. "They both are. He was abusive to animals too. We had this cat we named Whiskers... she was a black and white tabby. Well Whiskers had a problem making it to the litter box and would leave piles of shit and piss on the rug in the living room. One day when I was like eight or nine dad came in and caught Whiskers in the act. I remember I was watching TV at the time... Spiderman or something... but anyways dad screamed and ran up and kicked her right in the side. Sent her flying across the room and into the fucking wall, man."

"Oh my." Sylvia pushed the glasses up her button nose. "Was she okay?"

"Nope. Internal hemorrhaging or something like that. I remember watching her shake and convulse and her eyes rolled up into her head and she bled from her mouth. She died twitching right there. I remember screaming at my father, him punching me and telling me take care of it. So I did. I put her in a plastic bag and buried her in the back yard. It was fucked up and sad." he stopped and took a deep breath. "I think that's when I started hating my dad."

"Did he hurt any other animals?" Sylvia asked.

"Yeah but not pets. We just sort of... decided not to get anymore after that incident. My dad, though, he liked hunting and would spend a lot of weekends going up north to kill something. I used to love those weekends because he was gone for the whole time but then he started thinking I was gay or something, which really freaked him out for some reason so he took me with him to make me a man. He made me shoot a deer and cut its throat. It kicked and its eyes rolled around and it bled all over the place and it smelled like shit. It was fucking horrible. But..."

"But what?"

"But he didn't just kill deer like that. He had this shed, his butcher shed, up north at the cabin that he would take animals he caught in his traps and..." he stopped right there. Sylvia pressed him but he wouldn't go any further. Daniel decided to move on. "Anybody who takes their anger out on others is weak." he said. "Me, I may be a fuck up and an asshole, but I take my anger out on myself."

"You didn't always do that." Sylvia pointed. Now Daniel shifted uncomfortably. "But well get to that latter."

Sylvia shifted through her notes, marked something down, and cleared her throat. Daniel looked past her and saw the darkening sky, the clouds almost black and pregnant with rain. They toiled and roiled and rolled into one another. A storm was brewing.

"I understand that your father is a convicted sex-offender?" she asked, her eyes rolled up from her paper to look back at him...

"Yeah." Daniel replied. "The police caught him jerking off in his car by a playground one time."

"By a playground?" she stopped writing. Daniel's eyes became distant again. Pained.

"Yeah. My dad jerked off all the time. Mom never gave him any unless he made her but he didn't really do that very often. Truthfully he wasn't really into her." He explained. Sylvia noted the made her part but said nothing.

"So your dad masturbated in public?" she asked.

"Yeah. I think he got off on it... you know... almost getting caught. I know sometimes he would just sit in the car in the driveway and do it. My room was right above the driveway so sometimes I would see him do it. Other times he would offer to drive me to baseball practice or something and just wait in the car. Sometimes I would start to come back and see him rubbing one out and just walk off for a bit and wait for him to be done."

"What about the time he got caught?" she asked.

"Not much to tell. Some cops drove by while he was in the act, saw his arm moving and pulled up. He was booked for indecent exposure and lewd acts in public or something."

"Did he spend time in jail?"

"A little bit. Mostly he had to pay a fine and go to some bullshit therapy class." Daniel answered.

"How did that effect you?" Sylvia asked.

"Everyone in town knew. No one came out and said it to our faces but we could tell there were whispers about it. It's fucked up because even though my dad is the sick fuck we had to live with the stigma too."

"That must have been hard."

"Yeah. It was. The really fucked up thing, though, is that it isn't even the worse thing about it."

"And what is that?" Sylvia asked.

"My grandma... when she got mad she used to lock me in the basement because it was dark and she knew I hated the dark. Well, one day I was stuck down there bored and started rifling through my father's drawers and I found these keys hidden underneath a bunch of bullets." Daniel began distantly.

"Keys?"

"Yeah. Dad had this special room, you know? He had a man-cave sort of place and there was this white door that was always locked. He told us he kept his guns in there but the guns were always in his man-cave. Anyways, I put two and two together and I used the keys on the door."

"What did you find?" Sylvia asked. She was on the edge of her seat.

"A desk. A small TV. A VCR. A big red tool box that was locked. A fan and a single hanging light. I used another key and unlocked the box."

"What was in the box?" she had his complete attention.

"Video tapes without labels. Pictures. Magazines. All shit with little naked children, or men having sex with naked children."

"Your father... is a pedophile?" She asked, her eyes popping wide.

"Yes. Yes he was. It all sort of made sense, then. He was caught outside of a playground. I caught him jerking it in a car at my school play." Daniel shook his head. "He went on all these 'business trips' to South East Asia and South America... "Daniel stopped right there. "I popped one of the tapes into the VCR and I recognized a park I used to hang out at. The fucking piece of shit was recording kids and jerking it right in the car."

Sylvia nervously tugged at her skirt and refused to make eye contact with him for a moment.

"This is... this is very serious accusations you're laying here, Mr. Woldt. Your father... you have to tell someone." she said in a quivering voice. Daniel refused to look at her.

"I know. I should." he said at last.

"Why haven't you?" she asked.

"I don't know, to be honest. I'm in kind of a shitty situation at home and if he goes to jail I might be forced to move out and live on the street."

"But he's harming children!"

"I know!" he exclaimed. "I know." This time more softly. "Like I said I was an asshole. But there's more to it. Maybe I just don't want to live with the stigma of being the pedophiles son, you know? Make mom be the pedophiles wife. Tyler too."

"But he might hurt Tyler."

"No. He's too smart not to do anything to us. He's too afraid of getting caught."

"But how do you know?" she asked. Daniel shook his head again.

"I guess I don't." he said with a shrug. "You're right. I need to tell someone, no matter what that might mean for me or my family. Hell, maybe mom knows about it too and she's just too afraid to say or do anything about it. Maybe if I do it for her..."

"You can help her." Sylvia finished for him.

"Yeah." Daniel agreed. "I hate to say this... but I think the reason I never told anyone is because I never really wanted to admit it, you know? I mean I knew it was real but knowing something and facing something is too different things. Maybe it's time I face this."

"I think so. I think it will help you with your issues." Sylvia said.

Daniel shifted in his seat.

"Are we done yet?" he asked impatiently. Sylvia shook her head.

"No. Now I want to talk about you." she said. "When you were younger you got into trouble for bullying other kids. Tell me about it?"

"What's there to say?" he asked defensively. "I was an asshole. Just like my father with his animals it made me feel good to beat up on other kids. Make myself feel bigger because Mom, Dad and Grandma always made me feel so small."

"What made you stop?" she asked.

"Christina." he answered cryptically.

"Who is that?"

"My first girlfriend. My first kiss. My first fuck. My first love."

"She made you stop bullying other kids?"

"Yeah. First time I met her I'd just got done beating this kid up and she told me I was better than that. It was the first time anyone said anything like that to me. So I stopped and never did it again."

"Did you do it to please her or did you do it because you really wanted too?"

"At first it was to please her. Then, after time, I got to thinking about what she said. That I was acting like my father and she made me see the light."

"So this girl had a big influence on you?"

"Huge. She got me into music. She got me into art. She made me pick up a guitar and she was the first person I could talk to about things with."

"What did your parents think about her?"

"They loved her. Her parents went to the same church I went too and she had this way of pretending to be really nice and making people like her when, in real life, she was the one getting me to do all the rebellious stuff I was doing like stealing, listening to heavy metal music, having sex and doing drugs."

"She introduced you into doing drugs?"

"Yeah but only stuff like weed and shrooms. She stayed away from the heavy shit. I didn't do that shit until later."

"When did you start doing heavy drugs?" Sylvia asked. Daniel starred off into space for a long time.

"After I flunked out of college I sort of drifted and stopped giving a fuck. She was kinda doing the same thing and we both got into stuff real bad. Then she..." he stopped.

"She what? What did she do?" Sylvia pressed. Daniel didn't budge. "Mr. Woldt?"

"I don't want to talk about her anymore." he said at last.

"Alright, these hallucinations you are reporting, is there a theme to them? Any sort of consistency."

"Well..." Daniel looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. More gray squiggles wormed their way around the white hanging panels. "Worms. I see a lot of worms."

"Why worms?"

"I think they're gross. And, well, when I was a kid I picked on this fat kid named Pat. One time I chased him into the woods and made him eat a bunch of worms."

"And you feel guilty about this?" Sylvia asked.

"Yeah." Daniel swallowed. "I guess I do."

"Anything else?"

"Maggots. Spiders. Centipedes. When grandma locked me in the cellar they would crawl on me in the dark."

"Mmm hmm. Anything else?"

"Piss and shit. I smell it a lot. See it."

"That is a common one. People are naturally disgusted by the waste they make and the waste of others so a sensation of disgust or revulsion can sometimes manifest as urine and feces."

"I see dead animals a lot. Except they are squirming and moving around like they're alive." Daniel went on.

"What do you think that means?" Sylvia asked. Daniel remembered the shed at his father's cabin.

"I have no idea." he lied.

"Anything else?"

"Storms."

"Why storms? "She asked.

"When I was fourteen I got in an argument with my mother. She found a bunch of CD's I was trying to sneak into the house and threw them at me. I lost my temper and I hit her."

"You hit her?"

"Yeah." Daniel sniffed. "Dad heard us fighting and came up the stairs and beat me worse than ever before. I deserved it, I know, but I freaked out and ran away. I went to this schoolyard and was crying and shit on the tire swings. Then it started to storm real bad, worse than ever before. I just sat there in cold rain and took it and just sort of watched the storm. It was pretty cool, but then I heard this high pitch whistling sound and a fucking tornado, like, descended down from the sky right in front of me."

"My that had to be scary. What happened?" Sylvia asked.

"I fucking ran for my life. I made it to the school and hid in the basement for it to go away. It never even hit the school but man it scared the fuck out of me."

"Do you think that may have traumatized you?"

"I don't know." he said irritably. He then looked over at her. "Okay doc, no more bullshit. You're the third person who psychoanalyzed me and I went through a bunch of tests. Please, please tell me what my diagnosis is? I don't know how many more of these questions I can answer." Sylvia stared back at him for a long while then slowly nodded.

"Alright. I went through the notes the others have left, looked through your test results and made some observations of my own. I suppose there really isn't much else we can say or do at this point so I might as well give you my diagnosis."

Daniel caught his breath and sat up straight. Finally, the moment he had been waiting for. Outside lightning peeled from the pregnant purple clouds followed by the groan thunder. Rain came down in a hissing swish.

"You are severely depressed, that much is obvious. After talking with you it became rather apparent why. Neglected and abused children often grow to resent their parents and struggle with depression. Your fantasies of killing your father isn't as unusual as you may think. I would say you also suffer from a Borderline Personality Disorder."

"What is that?" Daniel asked, his brows furrowed.

"We used to call it a Sociopathic Personality Disorder. You have problems empathizing with people because you were raised to be self-sufficient and lacked the nurturing that promotes healthy relationships with others. You call yourself selfish and an asshole, but I think you were never really given the choice to be anything otherwise."

"Okayyy." Daniel nodded slowly. "That makes sense. But what about the 'me being crazy' part?" Sylvia took off her glasses and chewed on the supports.

"Well, Mr. Woldt, in my opinion I don't think you are."

"Wait, what do you mean you don't think I'm crazy?" Daniel asked, confused. "I'm fucking seeing shit."

"Yes, well when it comes to Schizophrenia there are many symptoms including poor cognition and disorganized thinking, delusions, poor emotional and social interactions and so on. They are all symptoms under the same umbrella. You, while maladjusted and depressed, have shown clear cognition, your thoughts are organized, you don't have any delusions and your emotional and social capabilities, or lack thereof, are indicative of an individual that grew up in the environment that you did. If you were truly schizophrenic you would not be interacting with myself and the others the way you do." she answered in a low, soft voice.

"But... the visions?"

"Severe depression and Bi-Polar disorder has been known to cause mild hallucinations, but not as persistent and vivid as you are reporting." she paused and took out a glossy manila folder. "Furthermore, after looking at your test results we have found nothing remarkable that would indicate any severe mental disorders. Look." she held out a MRI scan of his brain. "If you had a chemical imbalance we should have seen activity here and here, or inactivity here or here." she pointed at various parts of his brain. "Or we would have seen some sort of suspicious activity in your limbic system but we found none. While this does not necessarily mean you are not having these visions, I think it's safe to say that if you were due to a chemical imbalance or malfunction in your cranial systems we should have been able to detect it, especially given the depth and vividness of the hallucinations you say you are undergoing. There are other disorders that could be causing these hallucinations, but again, the intensity of them should be indicative of someone with major neural problems that you do not seem to have."

Daniel stared at her for a long time in disbelief.

"So... what are you saying?" he asked. He felt his heart skip a beat. Thunder-less lightning struck a field somewhere in the distance. He heard the paper swish of tree-leaves whipping against one another.

"I'm saying the symptoms you are reporting are inconsistent with those of every mental disorder that might account for this and that there is no physical evidence of your problem. I do think you are severely depressed and have been neglected all your life so you may feel the need to... act out. To get attention and earn sympathy..."

"So you think I'm faking it?" Daniel nearly screamed.

"I don't know. But this sort of thing happens. A lot. We get many people who are looking for attention or free drugs..."

"Now you're saying I'm doing this to get high?"

"You do have a history of substance abuse."

"I-I'm in fucking hell right now and you fucking think I'm doing this for some free drugs? To get attention?" He stood up fast and gripped the edge of the sofa so hard his knuckles hurt. "This is crazy!"

"Mr. Woldt." She paused to find the words. "I'm not trying to accuse you of being disingenuous but... well... there is simply not enough evidence here of you having the problems you say you are having, and you can just as easily be lying about what you are experiencing. And if you're not." she let the word hang for a moment. "Well, then we should involuntarily commit you to a high-security mental health facility until we can better understand what's going on with you. So tell me, Mr. Woldt, are you lying to me or not?"

The walls and ground shook with thunder. Daniel felt the world falling away from him. Sylvia put him in an impossible situation; either admit to the hallucinations and get shipped off and stuffed into some ancient crumbling asylum for the rest of his life where they picked apart his brain in search for answers that might never come. Or he could just say he's lying and figure it out himself. He thought of Anthony's brother and knew where to start. Daniel sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. The rumble of thunder grew into a constant staccato growl.

"Okay." his voice was almost a whisper. "You got me. I just... I just wanted to talk to someone."

"As I suspected. Okay." Sylvia crossed something off her piece of paper, the pen scratching red ink into the worn notepad. "I won't report you to the police for fraud. From what you told me you been through a lot and needed someone to talk too. I will prescribe you some anti-depressants to help but the lying has to stop now, understood?"

"Yes ma'am." Daniel agreed. Sylvia gave him a faint smile and walked to the door and opened it for him. Daniel's stood there for a moment, his mind spinning. They were supposed to help me. He thought bitterly to himself. This was supposed to end. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Sylvia said, shaking his hand. She held on to his hand when they were done. "And Mr. Woldt? Next time you might want to think of using an original story." Daniel stared at her dull eyed.

"Wait... what?" he asked, confused.

"There's been a few reports around the country of people getting some experimental brown drug from the government that doesn't wear off. Every time the psychiatrists look into it they find nothing concrete. Two or three of them even tried stealing drugs from the offices of place like this." she lowered her gaze. "I trust that you haven't tried taking anything from our medicine room, correct?"

"Of course not." he rasped. "Are you really saying that other people are reporting this same sort of thing?"

"Yes. Not many but I received a few emails about this scam. As a matter of fact, Janelle Wiggums reported taking the same drug, though in her case she actually does have a chemical imbalance."

Janelle. Janelle took the same drug. I have to talk to her.

"Thank you." he said. "See ya later."

"Goodbye Mr. Woldt." Sylvia smiled and closed the door behind her. Daniel stood there a moment collected his thoughts. This place may have been a dead end, but at least now he has a start. There was another loud crash of lightning, and the lights flickered and then popped, leaving him in near darkness. The nightmares were coming back. Without another word Daniel turned around and headed toward Janelle.

Chapter Fifteen

Thunder boomed and shook the building so hard that dust rained down from the roof and paint chipped off the walls in small flecks. He shook with it wrapped his arms tightly around his side. The building was now swathed in shadows so deep he could only see the faint gray outlines of the walls and furniture. The only sound was the maddening snake-like hiss of rain and the occasional guttural explosion of thunder. He tried his best to navigate through the hallways by memory, but every time he turned a corner he found himself in the same hallway. Daniel stopped, slowly spun on his heels and walked back to from which he came.

He was now in another hallway, though this one looked like the last just with the doors on the opposite side. Daniel started walking down that hallway and stopped midway and turned around. The doors were now on the opposite side again.

"Oh come on!" he groaned and turned around again. They were now in his left again. "Where the fuck am I supposed to go?" He heard a door creak open behind him and turned around. It belonged to Mr. Hong. He slowly crept forward and peered inside. He could hear the nervous gibbering of the small man, and even though it was pitch black he could see him clearly sitting on his bed cowering in a corner.

He was hunched and swathed in a gray shirt that looked like it was made of paint. His skin was the same gray-blue color, his hair black strokes of ink that dangled off his head like leaves from a plant. Mr. Hong's back arched in a painful inhuman posture. Daniel walked up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay man?" he asked. Mr. Hong screamed out and spun around, a wild yellow eye swinging back and forth in sharp paranoid swipes. His hand was on his face, no in his face as if the fingers had taken root and grew inside his skull, leaving only one eye free.

"Don't touch me! Don't touch me don't touch me don't touch me!" he screeched. Daniel stumbled backwards out of the room and the door slammed behind him.

Daniel pushed himself to his feet and backed away into another room. He spun around to see Blake sitting on his bed rocking back and forth in front of a small TV that played nothing but hissing white static. Blake's skin had the unhealthy color of jaundice to it, and his yellow eyes bled black blood as he stared transfixed to the TV screen. His U of M jacket was covered in filth and his room had the overwhelming scent of urine. Blake pissed himself again as Daniel back away. He reached behind himself to grab the door and push it open. He heard a loud sucking sound and turned to find himself now in Horace's room. The catatonic man laid perfectly still on his bed, his skin, hair and clothing brighter than everything else in the room. His jaw was slacked open and a whirlwind of black air spun around him and funneled into his mouth. The sucking sounded like something between a wheeze and a gagging cough, and Daniel could see his eyes flicker with pain as he laid there.

Daniel threw his shoulder against the door and stumbled into the hallway. This time he saw a yellow coming from around the corner of one end, and just above the sound of rolling thunder and Horace's black tornado breath he could hear Janelle's tale-tell gibberish. He walked in that direction and turned the corner. He entered the lobby right next to the living room. It was pitch black still, lit only by the constant flash of blinding white lightning. To his right he saw Brenda standing behind her desk, her body grotesquely lit by some unseen yellow light. She stood perfectly still except her lips, which moved up and down as if she were talking. The butterflies were gone. Now centipedes and flies spilled out of her mouth and buzzed about her in dark clouds. Daniel slowly turned his head to the left and saw the little cove that acted as the rec room across the living room. Yellow light from a single light bulb gave it a fiery hellish appearance, and sitting right underneath it was Janelle.

Daniel slowly made his way across the living room, careful not to bump into anything. Flies, worms and worse things covered every inch of ground, and when the lightning flashed he could see that they carpeted the ground in a thick layer nearly half an inch deep. He did his best to ignore the soft crunch and squeaks they made when he stepped on them, and tried even harder to pretend not to notice the slimy little things crawling into his shoes and into his socks. He felt them squish under his feet and between his toes with each step. Their guts felt cold and greasy.

Halfway across the living room the fireplace came to life. A huge yellow flame shot far up into the chimney and cast a crimson glow over everything in the room. Daniel felt the heat of the flame like at his side. It was hot like a furnace and he felt himself sweat. As me passed the couch the TV flipped on and he saw the video from the basement of the kids on the playground. He heard his father grunt and the sound of dry skin rubbing against itself. Daniel bit his lip and continued.

He passed the TV and came upon the glen. In the center of the white light Christina sat naked on a mossy windowsill, her pretty pale body practically glowed. She brought a cigarette up to her painted lips and took in a deep drag. Her eyes were like twin coals in the light.

"You didn't talk about me." she said matter-of-factly. "You never talk about me."

"It's hard." Daniel responded in a low, pained voice. Just seeing her was like a knife in the heart. Christina winced and looked into his eyes, her own hidden in shadow.

"Why is that? Because you killed me? Killed him?" she hissed, her lips arching in a snarl.

"We weren't ready."

"You weren't ready." She said sadly. "It was always about you, though, wasn't it? It didn't matter what I wanted."

"Don't say that!" Daniel ran toward her, his arms stretched forward. "Please Christine I can't deal with this right now."

"You could never deal with it. You were weak. You always took the easy way out, even if it meant hurting those you loved."

"No! Please stop it! I'm sorry Christine! I'm so sorry! Please let me--" but she was gone, faded out like lights cut on a school play.

Daniel stood there shaking like a leaf for a long while as tears ran down his cheek. Lightning crashed behind him, painting the whole room in blue. Janelle's gibberish stirred him and he wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands, his limp finger sticking out at an awkward angle, and then turned to face her.

I need to stay focused. I need to talk to Janelle. He reminded himself. He walked over to the rec room and stopped at the door. Janelle sat under the light with her hands on the table. Insects crawled all over her, centipedes looping in and under her fingers. The walls were painted that same ugly brown he first witnessed at Anthony's house. The whole place looked like a gateway to hell itself.

"Janelle?" he asked as he stepped inside.

"Danny? Come on in Danny! We were just talking about you! Pull up a seat!" Janelle exclaimed, her rotted teeth flashed in the dim light. "How are you?"

"Been better." he muttered as he sat down. Insects cracked underneath his seat and he felt a cold dampness on the bottom of his pants. He ignored it.

"Me too. Me too. Lord on Heaven I had better days. Better days." she said, shaking her head back and forth. "Now whatchu come to talk to Janelle for?"

"They say you took a drug. A brown drug, and that you haven't stopped seeing things since then."

"Yessss. Yes." she said quietly. "It smelled like hell. Like food that done spoiled too long. Like a dead rat that be in your pantry all winter until you find it the coming spring." she mumbled. "I hate rats. I hate them." Daniel looked around and noticed the insects were gone. Now hundreds of dirty brown rats crawled all over the table.

They were everywhere. The rats squeaked and hissed at one another, their furry brown bodies bulged as they slipped passed one another. Daniel watched the rats shit and piss all over the place, and felt a few bite him on the legs and arms. He ignored them.

"You're afraid of rats, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yup. Since I was a little girl. This one time... this one time I was up in the kitchen looking for some Oreos, you know? I was hungry and there aint nothing but spoiled meat in the fridge. I open this pantry door and I put my hand up on the shelf to feel for them cookies and I feel this pinching sensation and I took my hand back and I was bleeding, Daniel! A mutherfucking rat bit me and they took me to the hospital and stuck all these big needles in me." she shook her head. "It was horrible. It was horrible. I hate them rats!" Daniel looked down at one who stared back, its beady red eyes like drops of blood.

"The drug, Janelle. Where did you get the drug?" he asked. Janelle did not look at him but away at something on the wall.

"I done a lot of drugs." she said dreamily as a rat nibbled on her hand. Blood formed a black pool between her fingers. "And my baby... my baby was born wrong."

"The brown drug..."

"I'll get there in a second, young un." Janelle snapped, jarring Daniel. "My baby... I done drugs since I was teenager, you know? Don't remember why I started but that don't matter in the long run. All that matters that you keep doing it, you see?"

"Yeah. I feel you."

"Good. So I be doing all these drugs an I start doing heroin, right? I get hooked and my man kicks me out my house and my family ain't want nothing to do with me no more so I be alone on the streets. I start turning tricks to survive, but I still be using. I get this man and he ain't want to use no condom and I let him because I needed the money, right? I get pregnant. God blessed me with a little baby but I still using. I can't help myself." she stopped and winced. "I prayed to God every time I stuck a needle in my vein when I had my boy in me. Prayed for god's protection and guidance. When I have him, though, he be wrong. He was small, Daniel, and his skin was gray and he was so skinny it hurt my heart."

"Okay." Daniel shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"My baby, my baby lived through! So I took him home and I feed him and clothe him and love him with all my heart. But my baby weren't never happy. He was always crying and colicky and was so tiny. I didn't know what to do? Then I was told that if you do drugs they can be addicted when they born so I figured my baby was addicted too, right? I wanted him to stop crying. I wanted to make him happy so I took some of my shit and I put this tiny little bit in and cooked it up for him. And I take his little arm and find a vein cause it's so easy when they that skinny and I gave him some." she paused and laughed aloud. Daniel swallowed hard. "He stopped crying and he got this little smile on his face and he finally went to sleep." She sniffed, and a tear ran down her cheek. "But he never woke up. I- I killed my baby."

Daniel sniffed too and, on instinct, reached across the table and brushed away the rats and took her hand in his own. She gave him a grateful smile and then sobbed into her chest.

"I killed my baby, Daniel. That's why I'm here." she moaned.

"I'm so sorry." He said. She slowly nodded.

"I don't deserve no sympathy." she said sharply and pulled her hand away, her nail dragged painfully across his finger. He hissed through his teeth and pulled it back. It throbbed in his hand. "I got depressed and I went out to find more drugs. To make the pain go away. I ran into this guy in this grassy lot where my normal dealer was and he tell me he taking over and he got this new shit, you see? He says it's all experimental and there ain't no demand for it so it be cheap. Half as much as smack but said the high would go on and on. So I bought it and shot it up."

"Where?" he asked.

"South side Chicago on the intersection of 11th Street and Milwaukee Avenue." She looked around wearily. "I was stupid and now I'm stuck in this nightmare. No, it aint no nightmare."

"What do you mean?"

"Daniel, did you ever kill someone? Or do something bad?" she asked suddenly and looked him square in the eyes.

"I done a lot of bad things." he said, his throat thick.

"Uh huh. So you stuck here too." she said, and then leaned back in her chair. "We stuck here together."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"You ain't take no drug and see things. You took drugs and daid. Mm hm." she shook her head back and forth. "I prayed. I felt so guilty that I prayed to God to send his angel Gabriel down to give me his wrath and he did. I overdosed and the good angel Gabriel sent me to where I belong."

"And where is that?" Daniel asked, more confused than ever.

"Boy, you don't get it, do you? You died taking that drug and now you in hell."

Daniels eyes went wide and he pushed back on his chair. Rats squeaked and slithered out of his way.

"That's bullshit. We're not in hell." he protested.

"You don't want to believe, I know. Trust me baby I know. But I accept it now. This is where I belong. This is god's judgment passed down upon me for killing my only child. It is righteous suffering and I take it with bowed head." she squared his eyes again. "You should too."

"No. No way. But we have moments when it's not too bad, right? Moments of clarity? Hell wouldn't have those things."

"Hell ain't all lakes of fire and devils with pitchforks, boy. Hell is what you make it. Hell is your fears come manifest. The devil, he be the prince of lies you see. He sends us these lies, these moments of clarity as you call them to remind of us what we lost, to make us think we can escape and that it will all come to an end but it ain't coming to no end. You stuck her forever Daniel. You and me both."

Daniel stood up slowly backed away from the table. Janelle flashed a bright yellow toothed smile and closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of her chair.

"Our father. Who art in heaven." she began as rats chewed on her hands, arms and feet. One was even nibbling away at her cheek, a thin dribble of blood colored black by the light ran down the side of her face. "Hollowed by thy name." Thunder boomed again, drowning out her prayer. Daniel was out of the rec room and slowly turned around. Sylvia was standing in the middle of the living room with two of the ogre orderlies by her side. They now looked even more grotesque; their skin was thin and white as paper, their brows and upper lip pinched together so only their sloping cave-men brows and a huge set of square yellow teeth jabbing up from their lower jaw were visible.

Lightning flashed and thunder boomed again, this time shaking the building so violently that ceiling panels plummeted to the floor all around them. In the brief flash of light Daniel saw that Sylvia was bleeding from her eyes and mouth.

"Mr. Woldt. I've reviewed the notes I took from our session and decided that you are too much of a danger for yourself so we decided..." her voice was drowned out by thunder. "... involuntarily commit you to a high security mental health facility in..." Boom. "Please do not fight back." The torture of the hospital was fresh in his mind and Daniel didn't want to imagine what horrors would await him if he was sent to an asylum. Sylvia snapped her fingers and the two ogres lumbered toward him.

Daniel screamed and glanced back and forth. Another orderly appeared in the hallway to his right. There was only one other place to go. Daniel tried to bolt past the orderlies but they knocked him to the ground. He was now face deep in a sea of crawling insect and worms. He felt the orderlies try to fall upon him and hold him down but Daniel was too quick. He leaped up to his feet and ran toward the door. "I wouldn't go out there if I were you." Sylvia said as she shook her finger.

"Fuck you bitch!" Daniel screamed out as slammed into door and stumbled outside.

He was not thinking. Daniel ran forward into the night as rain poured down all around him. He slipped on the slick grass and fell face first into mud. It was not worms he saw in the black dirt but something pink and horrible. The scent of grass, dirt and blood filled his nostrils, and rain slicked down his forehead and into his eyes and mouth. More thunder shook him out his daze and he scrambled to his feet and ran forward toward the street. He needed to get to the gas station or the Denny's or flag down a car. Except there wasn't a Denny's or a gas station there. Or even a road. Daniel was standing in an open grassy field. He looked behind him and Riverhome was gone too.

Daniel looked around frantically trying to figure out what just happened. Above him the clouds were a violent gray purple and, from here, looked like a twisting canopy of

[Deer]

Intestines. Sores appeared at the bottom and opened up to belch a shower of viscera down upon the world. Blood fell from the heavens in thick syrupy waves, the black-red stuff stuck to his body. The smell of copper and shit was so strong it made him feel dizzy. He tried to scream but clotted deer blood filled his mouth. He gagged and threw up on the ground. The once emerald fields were now pools of slick blood, yellow lightning sending sheens of red across its quivering surface. Horrified, Daniel stood there for a moment in shock. He heard a low buzzing sound around him that grew into a maddening shriek. The shriek became a cry, a baby's cry, and he glanced down to see bloody pink bulbs grow up from the grass. He watched in horror as little bony fetus bloomed from the grass, their tiny alien heads turned up to the sky. They opened the tiny holes of their mouths and cried to the sky. Their black eyes were shiny dots, their arms and legs little more than ridges on their question mark bodies. They then all turned in unison and screamed at him.

Daniel screamed back and ran. He didn't know where he was running he just ran, slipping in the pools of blood and occasionally rubbing against the rubbery fetuses. The tiny things tried to bit him with their little mouths like goldfish trying to suck in dinner flakes. Daniel ignored them and concentrated forward. Something dark loomed on the horizon. The scene abruptly changed, the gore and viscera disappeared and he was now running in an empty field of wet grass as rain splashed down all over him. He saw several flashes and glanced behind himself to see the lightning was now exploding from the sky every second now, a constant stream of dirty yellow light that knifed the ground all around him. The rumble of thunder became a single roar that shook the ground. He tried to flee and saw a dark forest loom up before him. That's it! He thought to himself. If I can just get there I can get away from-- That's when he was struck.

He felt a tingle in his toes first and then there was a bright flash of yellow. Pain like he's never felt before surged violently up and down his body, a sensation of being pinched, crushed, stabbed and burned all at the same time. Every muscle contracted and he felt his eyeballs burst. Steamy white fluid ran down his eyes as he screamed and fell to his knees. The scent of ozone and cooking meat filled his nose. He blinked and he could see again, his body no longer burnt, yet the pain still lingered. Sheer will drove him forward, and he pushed himself up and forced himself to run again. There was another flash of yellow, more pain beyond pain, but again he stood up and continued to run. The forest grew and grew like summer crops and after a third agonizing strike, he ran inside the woods.

Daniel ran for several minutes screaming at the top of his lungs. Finally the shock of it all wore off and he realized that the thunder was gone. He looked back and saw that the lightning was in the distance, too far to hear its earth-shaking rage. Daniel felt his back hit hard against a tree and he slide down, his chest heaving and his body covered in slick rain and sweat. His buried his face in trembling hands, dry tears falling to the ground before him. He wanted to say something, to scream, to curse but all he could do was cry. Daniel shook hard as he bawled into his hands. She's right. I am in hell. He thought bitterly to himself. No, no that is bullshit. There has to be a way to get over this. Has to be.

"When will it end!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "When will you stop torturing me?" That's when he heard a high-pitched whistle come from the sky.

Daniel leaped to his feet and looked up, using his hands to shield his eyes from the rain. The clouds twisted and turned and formed a funnel in the sky. Daniel's eyes went wide and pushed off the tree and stumbled away as the swirling tunnel of clouds screamed with fury, a train whistle that drowned out everything else. He turned and ran as the ghostly gray tentacle of wind reached down and knuckled the ground and shook everything so violently that Daniel fell to his knees. The towering column of wind rushed at him. Daniel screamed and ran through the woods, the tornado right on his heels. Sticks and branches whipped painfully at his skin as he charged forward, almost toppling over from his own reckless momentum. He felt tiny particles of dirt and wood whip against his back. They left sore trails of blood and ripped flesh in their wake. He felt the enormous suction of the tornado nearly pull him in, the whistling now a keening madness that threatened to tear his mind asunder.

Daniel ran and ran until he burst from the woods into another grassy plain. He looked behind him to see the tornado was now far away but the endless barrage of lightning swirled around the storm as well, obliterating a small town situated on a brown hilltop. Where the hell did the town form from? He thought for a brief second before the fear hit him again. He ran forward as the tornado picked up its chase, the wall of clouds rushed toward him in quick jerky movements. A low two-story building was silhouetted against the brown sky to his right so he turned in that direction and sprinted directly for it. As he ran the world suddenly grew brighter, and he looked to his left and right to see that it was now day. Even so the storm had not slowed but was seemingly was right on top of him, the tower of clouds now looming above him like some deity ready to smite him down.

All about him columns of white light shone down through gray clouds, and the grass was a healthy green again. He ignored it and ran and ran until the building rose from the ground and took shape. It was an old run down school, the windows boarded up with 2 by 4 shanks of wood, the bricks rotted and covered with mold. Daniel charged right up the crumbling concrete steps and slamming into the front door. It let out a loud creaking groan as the rotted wood gave way and they fell down together with a loud bang. Daniel pushed himself up and continued sprinting down the hallway as the scream of the tornado grew louder and louder behind him. The hallway was dark, the floor and walls black from water damage. The place smelled of rotting wood and mildew.

White shafts of light lit the way as he ran down the halls. The building let out a painful groan as the tornado shook the foundations. It was getting close but not as close as it should have been. Daniel didn't look back as he flew down a stairwell into the basement. It was dark down there, lit only by the sunlight that poured through the low rectangular windows set against the walls. Daniel heard the scream and looked over as the tornado lurched toward the building, now bigger and more terrifying than ever. He looked around and found a solid looking table set against a black wall. He ran and slid under the table and slammed his back against the wall. He held his head in his hands and covered his ears as he could see the tornado approach through that window. The building shook violently and pieces of the ceiling and lead pipe work fell down all around him. The tornado screamed as it slammed into the building. Daniel screamed with it.

Part Three

Clouds

Chapter Sixteen

Daniel stopped screaming and uncovered his ears. It was quiet now and the school was quiet. He poked his head out from underneath the table and saw a blue sky through the small window. The trees looked undisturbed. Birds even chirped outside. Daniel groaned and pushed himself out from underneath the table. He rose to his feet and his back and knees popped into place. Daniel took a footstep forward and almost fell but managed to catch himself on the table.

"Uhh..." he groaned aloud."... Feel sooo weak." He never felt so exhausted and sore in his life. He looked down to see his pants and shirt caked in dried mud. Holes were worn into his knees, which themselves were covered with bloody scrapes and bruises. He had cuts all over his arms and face and his tongue felt like a wad of cotton. Daniel's eyelids felt heavy and his stomach grumbled with famine. He must have been running all night.

Daniel rummaged through his pockets and wrapped his hand around something small and hard. He pulled out his dirt-caked cell phone.

"Thank god!" he cried. He flipped it open with his thumb and turned it on. Daniel searched through his phonebook and found Mandy's number.

"Daniel?" she asked, her voice high with worry. "My God is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me." he coughed.

"You sound terrible, baby. Where are you?"

"I don't know." he looked around for a name or some other clue. "Some abandoned school by a bunch of woods."

"The one by Riverhome?"

"I'm guessing so. Musta ran here last night."

"Why the hell did you leave? Some lady called me last night saying you screamed like crazy and just ran away. I was up all night worrying about you!"

"I had a bad trip again." he explained. He rubbed his face. "Look can you come get me? I've been through hell."

"Yeah that place isn't that far away. That's actually where I went to school before moving to Campton. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Awesome. I'll be waiting."

"Love you." she said.

"I love you too." he said wearily. He hung up and headed for the stairs.

The world breathed again and his legs felt like rubber. He stumbled to the side and shook his head.

"Goddamnit go away!" he growled. "I'm fucking done with this shit!" As if to answer the building made a low moaning sound. "Yeah fuck you too." The high hit him again, a strong spinning sense of vertigo that made everything seem really big and then really small. There was something different, though. The high felt more real to him, like he was losing touch with reality and he knew it. He had a feeling that his little moments of clarity were going to be a lot less common. He looked down at his hand and saw his finger was missing again. He shook his head and rubbed his cheek. Another tooth wobbled and came loose and he spat it out into his hand. Tiny specks of blood dotted the small white chunk of enamel and he spat out more onto the ground. He jammed his hand into his pocket and deposited the new tooth. The basement grew big and the hallways elongated. He just let out a wear sigh and stumbled forward.

As he walked he watched green and brown roots poke through the concrete and snake their way down the wall. Insects buzzed around the roots and worms poked their little pink heads out patches of crumbling soil. He came to a large room that was completely overgrown with lush green brush and ferns. Crickets chirped. White beams of sunlight illuminated the center of the room.

"The hell?" he asked. A loud sucking sound filled the room and he looked up to see a thin tongue of air extend to the ground. He gasped and stumbled back but there was no longer a door behind him. Daniel crouched in a corner of the room as a tornado formed in the center and spun around in tight circles.

The tornado didn't move from its spot, and after a few seconds he realized it wasn't going to attack him. It was simply there. Daniel pushed himself up the wall and cautiously approached. He extended his maimed hand. He felt the cool wind brush up against his skin. The wind and the whistle grew more intense the closer he moved his hand to the tornado until a soft wall of air pushed it away. He looked at his hand and then back to the mini-tornado.

"Fucking crazy." he muttered to himself. Daniel circled around the tornado and walked to the other end of the room. He looked around but found no door. He glanced back and saw he was now in an enclosed space, as if he was trapped in a zoo exhibit. He turned back to the big collection of ferns and pushed them aside. The thick leaves rattled and bent like wet noodles, and behind them he saw a cave.

"A cave? I have to climb through a fucking cave? I'm in a goddamn school!" he looked around and shook his head. "God this is insane!" Daniel pulled himself up on the dark brown lip and crouched down so he could crawl through the low tunnel. The rock felt hard and wet, and more than once he slipped and bashed his chin against the surface. "Fuck!" he screamed into the darkness. "This is fucking crazy!" His voice echoed through the hallway then faded away so that only the drip of water could be heard. He crawled up and forward through the damp darkness. Sweat beaded down his forehead and formed pools underneath his armpit. Behind him he heard a shuffling sound and glanced over his shoulder.

"What the hell is that?" he asked himself. The sloshing grew louder until he saw the pointed head of a massive brown worm slide around a corner and writhe up toward him.

Daniel gasped and crawled up as fast as he could as the worm came in close at his heels. A sharp maw of fangs opened near the tip and the thing made a loud inhaling scream. Daniel screamed back and pattered even faster across the slick rock, his arms and legs worked in perfect unison as he made his way up the tunnel. The worm wheezed and sloshed just behind him, and Daniel cried out as it rushed forward and bit him on the leg. He felt warm blood ooze down his calf and pool into his sock. Daniel ignored the pain and pressed on even harder as a light appeared at the end of the tunnel.

Daniel screamed out again as it bit him a second time on his shin then a third time on his ass. The worm pulled him down and almost chomped on him a fourth time. Daniel spun around and kicked it just above the mouth and then pulled himself up the tunnel on his back. The worm was dazed and did not follow at first, and by the time it resumed its chase it was too late. The light grew brighter and brighter until, finally, he pulled himself up from the ledge and rocketed into the afternoon sunlight.

He landed hard on his stomach and slid across the ground. Daniel spun onto his back and faced the hole expecting the worm to shoot out and attack him again. Nothing. A loud low grumble echoed out of the darkness and then went silent. He slid against a cold metal locker and pushed himself to his feet. He looked down and saw his legs were covered in dirt and blood. Daniel rubbed the sweat off his face and looked around. He was no longer in the school but his school.

The hallways were empty and neat. Everything looked exactly like it did a decade past.

"God what now?" he asked himself as he walked down the hallway. He glanced to his right and saw a classroom filled with students. Three of them stood out as if lined with some bright light. One was him. Tall and knobby, he was all knees and elbows. Daniel's hair was buzzed short and his blue t-shirt was dirty with ketchup stains. In front of him sat Patrick Flanders, the chubby boy sitting with his hands folded in front of him as he tried to listen to the teacher. Daniel leaned over his desk and flicked Patrick in the ear. The blond boy pretended not to notice. Disgusted, the older Daniel looked at the third person, a girl, in the back of the room. She was short and fat and had thick glasses and shoulder length dark hair. She wore a black dress with a blue stripped shirt. The girl leaned forward on her elbows as she listened to the teacher.

Daniel scrunched his face and tried to remember that girl. Sandy? Sara? Sammy? He thought to herself. No, Sophie! Sophia Carpelli. He had only vague memories of her. She was quiet and sat alone at lunch. Nobody liked her and the other kids made fun of her. He closed his eyes and tried to remember more. As he did he passed another classroom and saw that he was looking outside at the playground. Sophie was eating lunch alone on a bench when a group of kids walked up to her.

"Hey fatty what you eating there?" One of the kids cackled.

"Peanut butter jelly sandwich." she answered meekly, hoping they would leave her alone. They didn't.

"You must eat a lot of those, huh?" another girl said. "Like two hundred!" she laughed at the stupid joke and so did the others. Sophie looked down.

"You got any candy in there miss piggy?" a third girl asked.

"No. Mom only packs me apples for snacks." she said in a low voice.

"Really? You must eat a lot of fucking apples then."

"Hey shut the fuck up you stupid bitches!" a voice called from the side.

They all turned over to see Daniel standing there with his arms across his chest. Sophie gasped and looked away.

"Leave her alone!" Daniel said.

"Make me dipshit." One of the boys called. They both screamed out and charged into one another. They fell to the ground and rolled around punching each other as the girls cheered them on. Someone blew a whistle and the boys stopped as the school security guard walked up.

"Come on let's go you little punks." he growled and grabbed them by the back of the shirts and yanked them off. Sophie watched them go with bated breath.

"Look what you did you little bitch!" one of the girls said as she shoved her off the bench. Sophie cried out and fell backwards, her arms pin wheeling through the air. "You got Bobby in trouble!"

"He started it!" Sophie screamed but the girls only cursed and spit on her. They stomped away and Sophia alone in the dirt.

Daniel concentrated and tried to remember the incident. It was too long ago. He walked past the next room and saw the playground again though it was a different day. The younger Daniel laid back on the same bench she was sitting on moments before, his hands behind his head as he stared up at the sky. Past him Daniel could see Sophie again, this time standing against the brick wall in the distance. She looked nervous and trembled. Sophie swallowed and slowly approached the younger Daniel. Her shadow fell over him and he looked over.

"Danny?" she asked.

"Oh, it's you." he muttered. "What's up?"

"I... I just wanted to-to tell you that-that... uh..." she stuttered.

"That what?" he asked impatiently.

"Thank you." she said at last. "For helping me that day."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Last week. You know, when those kids were picking on me?"

"Oh." he nodded. "That. Yeah. Don't sweat it."

"Nobody's ever done that before for me." she said in her tiny sheepish voice.

"Me neither." he said glumly.

"Oh." she nervously sat down next to him. She felt his warmth and shivered. "I just- I just want to know why?"

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why you protected me?"

"Don't ask stupid questions." he said with a slight grin and looked off at those kids. "I fucking hate them."

"The other kids?"

"Yeah. They're assholes. They either pick on you or they ignore you. Either way it sucks ass."

"But you pick on other kids too?"

"That's different. They're boys. Boys can take it. You're a girl. People shouldn't pick on girls." he said. She shook her head trying to figure out his confusing logic. "Besides, no one ever helps me out or even cares. I guess we got that in common."

"Yeah." she nodded.

"We have to look out for our own." he said, and then looked over at her. He noticed her pretty dark eyes and felt a moment of attraction to this girl. She felt equally lost on his blue eyes. "What's your name?" he asked.

"Sophie." she said.

"Cool. I guess you know my name already."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." They both went quiet. Daniel sat there for a long moment looking stoically at the playground. Sophie fidgeted and looked back and forth, trying to think of something to say. She waited too long and the bell rang. Daniel sprang off the bench and ran toward the building. "Talk to ya later Sophie. If those assholes ever fuck with you again you come get me, okay?" he said.

"Okay." she replied and watched him go.

A realization began to dawn on him but it was still out of his grasp. He walked to the next room and saw that time had passed and they were all teenagers. Daniel sat in the front with Christina, the two of them passing notes to one another. Behind Daniel was Patrick. Patrick had lost a considerable amount of weight but, like Sophie, was still chubby. His blond hair was died black and he wore a black White Zombie t-shirt, black jeans and wore black nail polish. Patrick stared hatefully at Daniel from across the room, and the older Daniel walked up close to the door and peered inside to see that he was drawing a violent picture of a cartoon boy stabbing another boy. He knew it was him. The next classroom showed Patrick sitting in his bedroom, the lights dim. His entire wall was plastered with band posters. Loud angry music blared from the stereo as he sat perched with his yearbook in his lap. Patrick took the pictures and pinned them to a cork board. They were pictures of bullies, including himself, next to a poorly drawn layout of the school.

Daniel moved to the next classroom. It now showed a teenage Sophie sitting on the bleachers trying to play her flute. He didn't recognize the school. Other teens stood behind a chain link fence on the far side. They hissed and cursed and jeered her, some of them even threw rocks. Sophie tried to ignore them by closing her eyes and concentrating. She blew a few bad notes and lowered the flute, a tear ran down her cheek. The scene shifted to her walking into her home. Everything was in boxes and the house seemed empty. Her parents were screaming at one another, and Daniel watched her mother throw pots and pans at her father in the kitchen. He walked up and slapped her across the face. Neither noticed her as Sophie snuck past them to her room where she collapsed and cried into her folded arms.

Daniel walked to the next door to see the scene change again. Images flew past quickly, one blending into the other. First it showed a depressed Sophie sitting on the couch stuffing her face with popcorn and ice cream, her eyes glazed over as she watched TV. Somehow Daniel knew she was in a new house. They moved away from her father when she was fifteen. Her dad was in jail for some reason. She was more depressed than ever. Then the scene moved to Patrick, who sat in his room playing the guitar, then him at the shooting range and finally the teenage boy building something with plastic and wires then drawing a beautiful but eerie portrait of the school on fire.

The scene switched back to Sophie laying on her side on her bed. A white foam oozed from her mouth and a bottle of pills were by her side. Her mother rushed into the room with paramedics and she is taken to a hospital. They pump her stomach and she coughs real hard. Her mother slaps her as she sleepily comes too and they cry together. Daniel's starting to recognize her. The scene moves back to Patrick, who stands in the hallway of the school, his hands in his coat pocket. The hallway is empty except for Patrick, a teenage Daniel and Christina. She gives the younger Daniel a peck on the lips and runs off. The two boys are alone. Daniel puts in his head phones and walks down the hallway. Patrick creeps up behind him.

Patrick slowly pulls out a small gray hand gun and aims it at the back of Daniel's head. Daniel is completely unaware. Patrick's handshakes and he trembles, his face a mixture of hate, anxiety and fear. Patrick bares his teeth like a wolf and squeezes the trigger but then his finger relaxes. He loses his nerve and puts the gun back into his coat. He looks back and forth and then turns down another hallway and then presses his back against a locker. He cries and slides down to his butt and then buries his face in his hands. People walk by. No one says anything.

The scene shifts back to Sophie, who now stands in front of a treadmill. She puts in a set of headphones and starts running, her stomach heaving up and down with each step. She sweats a lot and her skin turns red but she pushes on. She slowly loses weight as she runs, her body growing smaller and shapelier by the moment. The fat pours off her face, arms belly and legs with each step, the new woman inside her emerges like a butterfly from its cocoon. Slowly she begins to resemble someone very familiar.

Daniel walks to the next room and sees Patrick sitting on the edge of his bed again in tears. He screams and throws his notebook against the wall, pictures of students and diagrams of the school flew everywhere.

"I can't do it!" he screams. "I can't fucking do it! I'm too chicken shit. I'm so fucking pathetic!" He buries his face in his hands and screams again, stomping his feet on the floor. Patrick hangs his head and stares at the ground, his tears falling like rain on the hardwood. "I'll never do anything. I'll never be anything. I'm always going to suck. What's the fucking point?" he stomps again and stands up and walks over to his CD player. He puts in a CD and presses play. The Deftone's Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) comes on. He falls back on his bed and stares up at the ceiling, his eyes wide. He cries some more and gropes for his coat at the side of his bed.

Just drive... far awaaaaay... I don't care where just drive. Chino Moreno sings as Patrick reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out the gun.

Just drive... far awaaaay... I don't care where just drive. Tears roll down his face as he sticks the gun underneath his chin. "Fuck it! Fuck this world! Fuck it!" he screams.

Faaar awaaaaaaaaaaay

"FUCK IT!" Patrick pulled the trigger. There was a loud pop as blood rushed out the top of his skull and washed over his bed like a crimson wave. Tiny pink pieces of gray matter clumped together in bloody chunks.

Iiiiit feeels good... Patrick's parents ran into his room. His mother screamed and his father stared at his dead son in dull disbelief.

... to know I'm aliiiive.

Daniel shook his head and turned away to see Patrick standing in the hallway.

Daniel jumped and took a step back.

"Patrick?" he asked nervously. "Is that you?"

"Of course it's me you dumb fuck." he was wearing a black leather trench coat and a Death Metal band shirt. "What, have you forgotten about me, Danny? Have you forgotten about the fat kid you used to pick on? Beat the shit out of?"

"No, I haven't forgotten." Daniel looked behind him. The hallway was clear. "I think about you every single day, man. I feel so bad for what I did to you all those years, okay? I'm not like that anymore."

"It doesn't matter. The past is the past. You tormented me and I killed myself. Ain't nothing gonna change that, bro."

"Look, I know you're a figment of my imagination, okay? You're my guilt. I know your dead."

"Yeah, blew my own head off. Fucking spewed my brains all over my bed like Dead and Kurt Cobain. You know why I did it?"

"Why?" Daniel shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

"Because of you, asshole. You and all the fucking motherfuckers who made my life hell, and why? Because I was fat? That's was your excuse for ruining a kids life?"

"We were assholes, okay? We were. I'm sorry."

"M'sorry." Patrick cooed sarcastically and moved forward again. "Are you?"

"I feel so bad about it!" Daniel cried out.

"Do you? I seem to remember you actually laughed when you heard I died. The only thing you felt bad about was getting cock blocked by your girl because she was disgusted by how awful you are."

"I'm not like that anymore!"

"Why? Because you're not in school anymore? Because you don't have people to take your bullshit out on? Admit it Danny boy. Aint nothing changed about you."

"They picked on me too!"

"Which makes you even more pathetic." Patrick spat on the ground with disgust. "You truly are the worst kind of human being. Too weak to stand up for yourself and sadistic to those you can stand up to."

"You're right, okay? You're right? Please Patrick stop this!"

"The truth hurts, huh?" He suddenly whipped a grungy looking AK-47 out of his coat. "Well this is gonna hurt a lot more." He fired the gun.

The gun made a loud crack and Daniel felt like something pinched him hard in the gut. He screamed as a burning sensation like molten metal spread throughout his belly as he fell onto his back. He covered the hole in his stomach and watched bright red blood seep through is fingers and roll down his sides. The burn hurt so bad he couldn't stop himself from screaming. He looked over at Patrick, his eyes salty with tears.

"I wanted to kill you." Patrick growled. "I wanted to kill you so bad." He fired again into Daniels foot. Daniel screamed even louder. "I wanted to kill everyone but I only ended up killing myself. Fucking chicken shit, I know." Patrick took a few steps back and stretched out his arm. "I had this plan, Danny. I had this fucking wicked plan and I was going to make everyone hurt but I was too scared to go through with it. But guess what? Thanks to you I have a second chance. Observe." Patrick wrapped his pink fingers around the white bar of a fire alarm and pulled down.

The fire alarm came on with a loud droning wail. Like a tornado. White lights flashed and spun around to grab everyone's attention. Patrick lowered his gaze and stared at Daniel, a horrible grin filled with rotting yellow teeth spread across his face. The doors pushed open and students, students he knew, poured out and made their way to an exit. Patrick continued to stare at Daniel with that creepy look as they brushed past him, ignoring Patrick completely.

"Now they will all remember me." he said and spun around and opened fire. Teens cried out in shock and agony as bullets tore through them and knocked them to their knees or flat on their face. One stumbled sideways and fell against the wall, a line of dark red blood trailed wherever he went.

"The alarms... what was that? I heard something..." the student said, in shock, before he slumped down against the wall and fell face first into the ground.

The student's blood pooled with all the others, a thick syrupy lake of red in the middle of half a dozen fallen bodies. Patrick fired again at more kids down the hall, each now running in full gallop while knocking each other over. Several more fell to the ground and cried out. One, a teacher, ran toward Patrick to incapacitate him but was shot in the head. His brains painted the wall next to him. He took a step back and looked sideways into a room, aimed his gun, and fired at someone inside. A teacher cried out in pain and slumped to the ground.

"This is so fun, aint it?" Patrick said, laughing.

"Fuck you!" Daniel hissed through his teeth. Blood poured out the corners of his mouth as he tried to push himself to his knees.

"Fuck me?" he shot Daniel again in the upper arm. He screamed. "No fuck you! This is your fault, asshole! You made me do it! All these people were gonna be dead because of you, bro!"

"Don't blame me for your evil bullshit!"

"Why not?" Patrick shrugged, his arms held out to the side. "Nobody is born evil. People make people evil. You made me evil like your parents made you evil. That's how it works, brother. You?" Patrick walked up and knelt down next to him. "You are evil incarnate. How much blood is on your hands, Danny? How many people died because of you?" Patrick screamed the words. Foul smelling spit showering down on Daniel's face.

"Danny!" A voice cried out. Daniel and Patrick looked up to see Christina and Sophie standing in the doorway, a horrified look on both of their faces.

"Ha! Well look who it is?" he laughed. "Couldn't have asked for better timing!"

"Go away!" Daniel screamed at the two of them. The girls could only stand and watch, completely paralyzed with fear.

"Get off of him!" Christina screamed and ran forward.

"No don't!" Daniel tried. That toothy grin returned as Patrick raised his gun. He fired again, the rounds so loud they made Daniel's ears ring. Christina bent forward like someone punched her in the gut. Blood oozed between her fingers and then her head snapped and she fell to the ground like dead weight. "Noo!"

"There's one girlfriend dead because of you. How about we go for the other?" Patrick raised the gun and pointed it at Sophie.

Sophie screamed. Daniel's protective instincts kicked in and he grabbed the barrel of the gun with both hands and shoved it aside. Metal bullets pinged off of metal lockers, and Daniel cried out from being burned by the black metal. He gritted his teeth and shoved forward and jammed the butt of the gun into Patrick's forehead. Patrick cried out in surprise and fell back, the gun loosened in his grasp. Daniel quickly spun the rifle around and fired back, shooting Patrick in the chest and shoulder. Patrick's head snapped back and he let out a loud howling laughter. Daniel pulled the trigger again but the gun clicked empty. Patrick reached into his coat and drew a black pistol. Daniel spun his head around to see Sophie running up to help.

"Danny!" she screamed and went to shield him. Patrick took aim, the barrel pointing right between Daniel's eyes, and fired.

Chapter Seventeen

"Daniel? Daniel can you hear me?" a voice screamed above him. All Daniel could see was red. The color of agony. His head hurt so bad he thought it was going to explode. Then, like balm on a burn, the pain faded away. His vision came into focus and he saw Mandy kneeling in front of him, her beautiful dark eyes ringed with worry.

"Sophie?" he asked groggily. "Is this going to be a common thing now? Me waking up and seeing your face?" She smiled and pulled him up from the ground and buried his face in her shoulder. Her flesh was warm and wet, and her breast pressed against his cheek each time she took in breath. He could hear her heart. It was the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Thanks god you're okay baby. I found you on the ground rocking back and forth and you had this white foam in your mouth and..." she said frantically and then stopped. "Wait a second, did you just call me Sophie?"

"Yeah." Daniel said, his breath hoarse. "I remember now."

There was a long moment of silence, the two of them wrapped tight in each other's embrace. Sophie didn't say anything at first. She looked down at him with a mixture a surprise and tenderness.

"Who told you?" she blurted out.

"I figured it out." He pushed himself closer to her. Her warmth felt like heaven. "Sophie Capelli. We were in class together until you moved away."

"Yeah." she muttered. He could hear her heart pick up. "I thought you would never remember. We only talked, like, a few times."

"And you look completely different." he added.

"Yeah I probably weighed more in fifth grade than I do now." she said with a nervous laugh. "Oh and the laser eye surgery." she looked down. "And the boobs."

"Yeah." he laughed with her. "But you still have the most beautiful eyes." he reached up and tenderly stroked her cheek. She smiled and wiped away a tear.

"And you wonder why I love you." she leaned down and kissed him. "Now come on. We have to get you out of here."

Sophie helped him to his feet and the two of them walked side by side holding hands down the hallway. The high was still there but the visions were subdued, sometimes even gone altogether. She kept the bad ones at bay while the good ones, dozens of translucent butterflies fluttering in the golden rays of sunlight, became brighter and prettier. She was his haven.

"I can't believe it's really you." he said suddenly. "After all these years and I didn't put two and two together."

"Well, I did change a lot. And you were high all the time when we were together." she said with a grin. He laughed. It felt good to laugh.

"Still am." he said. They both went quiet for a moment. "Why did you change your name?"

"I didn't want to be me anymore." she answered quietly. "That girl in grade school... I hated being that girl. I was shy, I was ugly, I was fat... I hated everything about myself."

"You weren't ugly." he said. She give him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks but I still hated myself. After I moved away things got worse at my new school. You remember kids in middle school and high school."

"Yeah." he thought about all the bullies. "All too well."

"They tormented me. They would pull all these mean pranks like put a pair of glasses on a blow up pig and put it on my desk, or when I was in swim class they would make whale noises when I swam back and forth."

"It must have been hell for you." he mumbled.

"It was." she let out a long sigh. "Then my parents got a divorce and my mom wanted to move me all the way to Illinois."

"Jeez."

"Yeah. I mean in retrospect it really wouldn't have made a difference since the kids made my life hell here in Michigan but I was a teen and you know how stupid we were."

"All too well." he repeated with another grin. "Is that why you tried to commit suicide?"

Sophie stopped in her step and looked over at him, shocked.

"Okay, now how did you know about that?" She asked. Daniel shrugged.

"Intuition I guess. I tried to do it too." he said. She slowly nodded and looked away but the suspicion never left her eyes.

"Yeah I tried doing it. Thankfully my mom actually did care and took me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. I lived but I was worse than ever."

"You hit rock bottom."

"Exactly." she shook her head back and forth. "So about a week later I was sitting on my couch eating popcorn and ice cream and I just had this random thought; I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to stuff my face to make myself feel better. I want to be better. I want to be a better me."

"So you started working out?"

"Yeah, exactly. Every day, nonstop. I really didn't have much else to do on account that I didn't have a social life and I didn't like leaving the house so I just worked out. It took weeks before I noticed any real effects but gradually, over a year and a half, it started to work and I lost the weight."

"Wow. You got some willpower. So then the guys started noticing you, huh?"

"Some parts more than others, but yeah, like I told you at the hospital all the sudden all these guys came out of the closet and started asking me out. Lucky for me I was a smart girl and knew they weren't really after me for me so I really wasn't interested." she paused. "I mean I dated a few boys but we never really clicked, you know?"

"Not like you clicked with me?"

Sophie looked over at him, a shy smile on her face.

"No, not like how I clicked with you." she looked down at her feet. "Before I lost all the weight you were the only person who didn't hate me or make fun of me. You were nice to me and you stuck up for me. I saw you, you know. Whenever someone made fun of my weight you stood up for me. You got in a lot of fights for me. I thought it was uncharacteristic given the way you acted with other boys."

"We were cut from the same cloth, you know? Two losers no one gave a shit about. I guess that's why I was protective of you." Daniel explained.

"And that's why I'm so protective of you." she said. "You saw me for me and liked me for me." He laughed a little.

"Wow. It's still hitting me. So does this mean you've, like, had a crush on me all these years?"

"Kind of." she gave him a bashful smile. "After you protected me I did have a big crush on you. A really big crush, but I wasn't obsessed or anything. I moved on when I moved to Indiana, but when I moved back to Michigan I heard from a friend that you were in a band so I was curious." she squeezed his hand. "Then I saw your picture and I guess the old flame ignited." she looked at him sidelong. "It didn't hurt that you turned out to be pretty sexy yourself." she smacked him on the butt. "Then I found out you were single and thought I'd finally have my chance."

"I still can't believe it's you. I mean I can tell now by your eyes you were the same girl from Grade School but still."

"People change." she said and looked over at him. "You did too. Christina really made you a better person. I just feel so bad about..."

"Yeah." he cut her off. "What about the name change?"

"Oh, yeah. Well after I graduated from High School I decided I wanted to complete my transformation and changed my name to Amanda. I don't know why Amanda I guess I just liked it for some reason. And for my last name..." her face darkened. "... I hated my father so I didn't want to have his name anymore."

"I hear that." Daniel said. "Whatever happened to him?"

"After my mom divorced him for beating us he became depressed or something and started acting all stupid, getting drunk at bars and starting fights with everyone. Well, anyways, he got in a big fight with some guys over a fucking football game and stabbed one of them to death so he got life in prison."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, well he deserved it. That asshole was always violent with everyone. He should have been locked up a long time ago for beating me and mom." Daniel remembered his father. I should have him locked up too. He thought to himself. Than we both can have dads doing 25 to life. Wouldn't that be something?

"Sooo... what should I call you now? Mandy or Sophie?"

"In public? Call me Mandy. In private you can call me Sophie. You're the only one I want calling me that."

The two of them pushed open the school's front door in unison and stepped out into the sunlight. It was warm and felt glorious on his skin. He looked around and saw that the old dilapidated school looked exactly like it did the night before except now it was brighter. The sky was clear blue but Daniel saw several small twisters form randomly on the lawn. These small clear tornadoes were harmless, he knew, and were actually quite a splendor to look at. Sophie led him back to the car and he got into the passenger's seat. It felt hot and muggy but he didn't mind.

"So where is the first place you want to go?" she asked.

"Food." he answered quickly, his belly churning at the very thought. "It's been, like, a day since I ate something and I'm fucking starving."

"Then we need something quick. McDonald's it is!"

***

The sun was already low in the sky by the time they reached Daniel's home. The orange expanse above glowed like a Halloween pumpkin, the trees and rooftops dark silhouettes. Daniel could feel another high come on and swallowed hard. He needed to keep calm or he was going to slip into another nightmare. Thankfully Sophie was with him this time. He opened the door and a flood of potpourri and carpet cleaner washed over him. He stepped inside and saw that his apartment looked clean and neat. Daniel looked over at the sink and noticed that the dishes were done. Everything on his coffee table was tossed out or put neatly away. His carpet was vacuumed and scented candles hide the overall stench of apathy.

"Wow. Is this really my house?" he asked as he rubbed his neck.

"Hard to believe, yeah." Sophie gave him a bashful smile. "I stole your key from the hospital and cleaned it up for you for when you were going to get out. I hope you don't mind?"

"No, not at all." he stopped in the middle of the room and spun around. "I can't believe this is my house!"

"Yeah you really let it go to hell after we broke up."

"Yeah. I suck." he wiped his hand across the top of his TV stand. No dust was left on his fingers. He let his arms flop to the side. "So now what?"

"Now you take a shower and you get ready for bed. You look like you haven't slept for ages."

"I probably haven't."

"Tomorrow we'll go talk to Anthony and see where we go from there."

"Sounds good." He shook his head and sat down on his now clean couch.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's just so... crazy, you know? Everything. I mean just a few hours ago I was getting shot and chased by a giant fucking worm. Now? Everything's all kosher." he shook. "I went through hell, you know? I'm being fucking tortured and I should be going out of my mind right now over all that shit but I'm, like, totally cool right now. Like it never even happened. I think the drug's affecting my emotions too."

"Hmm. Why do you think that is?" Sophie asked.

"I know exactly why that is." he leaned forward. "You. You make it all go away. You're like..." he searched for the words. "... like my haven. Like my safe house in a storm. You're the only one who can save me from myself."

Sophie's eyes darted back and forth, searching for something to say back. Her reply came in the form of a kiss. A long, passionate kiss. He tasted her breath, Coca-Cola mixed with spearmint. Sophie wrapped her arms around him and pushed him down on the couch. She pressed her body close against his, her skin felt warm and moist with a days' worth of sweat. She maneuvered herself on top of him and kissed him harder and pressed him in the couch. Daniel rolled with her onto their sides so they were facing each other. Sophie giggled and they stared each other in the eyes.

"I thought you wanted me to take a shower?" he said with a grin.

"You don't smell that bad." she grinned.

"I smell pretty bad."

"Whatever." her eyes softened and glittered in the bright light of the room. She leaned in slowly and so did he. Sophie closed her eyes and kissed him softly on the lips, then harder. She pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

"I never stopped loving you." She breathlessly whispered.

"I know." He repeated with a grin.

"Star Wars reference. Nice." She grinned back and pulled off her clothes.

***

The two of them laid together for a long while basking in the afterglow. They felt each other's hearts, their hot breaths on each other's neck. Sophie gave his neck a gentle kiss and nuzzled herself into his ear.

"You and your goddamn star wars." she teased and propped herself up on one elbow. He loved the way her hair hung down over her face. It was messy and imperfect and impossibly sexy. "We didn't even make it to the bed."

"I thought you liked couch quickies?" he teased back.

"Hey, I'm not complaining." she pushed herself up from him. "But you really do need a shower."

"I think we both do." he thought about the centipede. "Would you take one with me? I'm scared to go in alone."

"Scared of what?" she laughed. "Mr. Bubbles?"

"You have no idea." he sat up. "Please?"

"Well, I do feel all sweaty and sticky." she popped up and stood above him. "Come on let's go." She turned around and walked toward the shower. He was in awe of her naked form, so much he felt movement below. Maybe I can talk her into round two? He thought to himself and followed after her.

Chapter Eighteen

Daniel had a strange dream that night. It wasn't quite a nightmare but it was so bizarre some might consider it one. He was in some dimly lit watery pool, the undulating water shot small white ripples of light across the bottom. In his dream he was staring down at a very strange creature. He knew it was female but could not say how. Her body was a thin bony exoskeleton of a dark gray color. Inside the exo-skeleton was a network of gray-green tubes that twisted and entwined around each other to form a vaguely humanoid outline with four arms, two legs, a torso and a large bulb for a head. The tubes were thick and rubbery like a giant network of veins or arteries.

The tubes converged at several points, one a pumping 'heart' like apparatus, another in the lower torso, one in the groin and last where her head was. Somehow Daniel knew that all the organs were not fixed in a specific spot but spread throughout the different convergent nodes. The head itself was only a relative term; it was basically a pale greenish membrane set over a cluster of tubes that acted as the brain of the creature. The membrane reminded him of a peeled grape. She had no eyes, ears or nose but, somehow, the sensitive membrane could perform all these functions itself. She did have a hole that acted like a mouth in the center of her face. The hole was ridged and caved inward like the orifice of an animal. The tubes looped together at the ends of her limbs to form arms and legs it could use to move around or manipulate objects.

Daniel could not see himself but he knew he was a male version of this creature. An image of himself making love to Sophie came to mind. He used his grotesque limbs to grope her and she responded by trembling, the tubes of her body making a low sighing sound as fluid was moved about within her. Daniel felt himself move his head to the female and saw a long red tongue-like appendage emerge from his mouth, the tip having a small toothless mouth of its own. Their mouths touched in a grotesque sort of kiss and he felt his tongue slid into her mouth and down her throat. She shivered as it slowly wormed its way through the thickest tube that ran straight down her body.

The female writhed in ecstasy as his tongue crawled through her, a sensation not unlike penetration. He felt his tongue reach the node at her groin and in a powerful orgasmic eruption something happened to the both of them. Their bodies rocked together and they gripped each other tight. They exchanged 'I love yous' in an odd telepathic language and he felt his tongue slide back up from her body while it dragged something along with it. The tongue slipped out of her mouth and he jerked his head back. The mouth at the end of his tongue bulged and belched something brown forward. What appeared to be a brown organic net emerged and wrapped around her body? The net then writhed inside her and wrapped itself around her heart where it would gestate and grow into...

***

Daniel's eyes flipped open and he shot up in bed. His heart raced in his chest and he breathed hard. The room was dim but he could tell he was alone. He looked over and Sophie's part of the bed was empty, though he could still feel the heat from her body lingering on the sheets. Daniel rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand and wrapped his arms around his bare legs. He felt cold.

"What... the fuck... was that?" he asked aloud. The memories of his strange dream played over and over in his head. It was so bizarre it sent a chill down his spine. Still there was something familiar about what he witnessed. He closed his eyes and concentrated and remembered the strange porn he caught Anthony watching. He also recalled the tentacle monster he saw before flipping out in the hospital. Octopus. Worms. Tentacles... There was a correlation between them, something he understood but could not comprehend.

The smell of cooking bacon stirred him from his thoughts and Daniel crept out of his warm bed and dressed himself. He yawned and pushed open his door and stepped out into the living room. Sophie was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, stacks of pancakes and sausage patties waited for him on the table. She wore only a pair of pink panties and one of his extra-long band shirts. She looked over and smiled then gestured to the food with her spatula.

"Foods ready." she said cheerily.

"Good. I'm freakin' hungry." Daniel grumbled and dove right in. She took the seat across from him. "Thanks."

"No problem." she replied. "So... how did you sleep?"

"Weird." he replied after thinking about what to say.

"Weird? What does that mean?"

"I had a strange dream. I guess I'm still tripping." he looked down at the pancakes and saw smiling faces opening and closing their mouths. "Definitely still tripping."

"What did you dream about?" she asked and leaned forward on her elbows, interested.

"You don't want to know."

"But I do!"

"Trust me, it's just weird."

"Now you really got me interested." she said, her dark eyes glittered in the sun. "Come on. I was an art student. I know weird."

"Okay." he put down his fork. The pancake faces were starting to disturb him anyways. "I dreamed I was an alien-like being having sex with another alien, you I think. We were these creatures made of, like, veins and arteries and shit. We only had mouths on our faces and I stuck my tongue down your throat, which was kinda like my penis and did something inside you. "

"Oh." she shifted. "That is really weird."

"Told you." he shook his head. "I feel like I'm stuck in a Tool video."

"Well, what would make you dream about that?" she asked. Daniel thought about it.

"I don't know." he looked out the window. That suspicious neighbor was staring at his house from down the street. "I never really thought a lot about aliens or watched alien movies. I'm more of a demons and Satan kind of guy."

"Huh." Sophie traced his gaze. The nosy neighbor walked inside his house. "Maybe it has something to do with the drug?"

"Maybe." he shrugged. "Guess we got to look into it more. Speaking of which." he turned back to her. "I was thinking last night... are you still cool with your cousin? The bio-chemist?"

"You mean Lauren? Yeah we're like friends on Facebook. And we play Words with Friends all the time. Why?"

"Because I still have a small sample of the drug and I want someone to look at it."

Sophie's eyes went wide and she leaned closer.

"You do?" she whispered.

"Yeah. I guess I didn't use all the shit when I injected it. I still have the vial with some in it." he answered.

"I want to see!"

"No way." he waved his hands in front of himself. "No way in hell am I going to risk exposing you to that shit."

"Yeah, you're probably right." she sighed disappointingly. "Well, I still got her number so I'll call her up. She lives in Indianapolis though."

"I know. Maybe we can take a trip out there? Unless you have to work this weekend?" he asked. Sophie sighed and looked down.

"No, my schedule's all clear now. I got fired from Checkers the day before yesterday."

"You did? Why?"

"Well, when you disappeared from Riverhome I went out to look for you. I tried to call off but my boss said no so I told her I had to do it so she said don't bother coming in anymore." she answered sullenly. Daniel shook his head and looked down himself.

"It's my fault. Sorry." he said sheepishly.

"Don't be. I fucking hated that place anyways and lucky for you I've been saving up for my own place so we live off that for a little bit till we figure this shit out."

"Thank you." he flashed her a genuine smile. "God Sophia I can't thank you enough for everything."

"You were there when I needed you before so I'm just returning the favor." she said. "And besides, I was thinking I can just move in here with you? It's a decent place when you clean it up, and the property tax you pay is less than my rent."

"I would love that." he said. He leaned forward and kissed her across the table.

"Awesome. Well, okay, I'm going to make the phone call. You get dressed. It's time to pay Anthony a visit."

Daniel walked back into his room and changed into a plain black t-shirt and a fresh pair of khaki cargo pants and boxers. It felt good to be clean. He heard the door open up and slam and glanced out his window to see Sophie on the phone. Daniel then looked past her to see the suspicious old man from a few houses down staring at the house again. He locked eyes with the man. The old man seemed to snort and walk back in his house.

"Fucking old man." Daniel muttered to himself. Daniel walked forward, opened his front door and descended the cracked concrete steps that lead up to his house. The old man raised and eyebrow as he walked toward him, a determined look on Daniel's face.

The world shifted around him, grass wilting into a frail brown color. The wooden picket fences were replaced by rusted chain-link entrapments that enclosed each yard from the neighborhood. The houses became smaller, shittier and covered with grease stains and chipped paint. A police helicopter rumbled overhead and a dog barked in the distance. He was in his old neighborhood once again, and a quick look at the ugly bright-colored cars, plastic lawn ornaments and booming old school hip hop music blaring from an old car suggested he had time travelled back to the 80's when he was but a kid.

Daniel walked up and stopped in front of the old man and poked a finger in his gray-haired chest.

"Stop fucking staring at me, asshole." He growled through gritted teeth. "You have no control over my life anymore, remember?"

"I'm always watching you, Danny." The man spoke, his voice now high-pitched and nasal. "And I will always be in control."

"Not anymore." Daniel said determinedly. The man snorted with contempt.

"I can't believe you're with her again." The sighed. "She shoulda figured out how worthless you were the first time you cheated on her. Fucking whore."

"Don't call her that." Daniel said in a low voice.

"Why? You had Christina and you left it for that fat bitch?" He laughed, as if the idea was absurd. Daniel narrowed his eyes.

"She loves and accepts me for who I am. Unlike you and mom."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself. We coulda been grandparents." The old man said. Daniel winced.

"It is what it is. I love Sophie and that is it. And I could care less if you accept her or not. I won't allow myself to be judged by a pedophile." Daniel shot back. The old man took a step back, wounded. "And I don't need to talk to you anymore anyways. You're out of my life. Goodbye." He turned and walked away.

"You think that." The old man called after him. "I'm not done with you yet. You will see." Daniel looked over to his nightstand and he noticed the glint of glass in the shadows. He walked over and picked up the small vial of the drug and then carefully wrapped it up in a sock and put it in one of the big pouches of his pants. He left his room and walked into the living room when he noticed something unusual.

The lights were off in the apartment, but the moment he stepped into the room he was blinded by a brilliant golden light. He covered his eyes and turned his head, then squinted to see where it was coming from. He glided through the living room and stopped in the center in front of an empty blue patch of wall between his TV stand and the basement door. The rest of the room was a dark blue shadow, a liminal sheet of sharp lines and soft rounded corners. The patch of wall, however, was as bright as an afternoon sky, and a vaporous mist of gold seemed to emanate off its soft surface. He vaguely remembered seeing the wall like this before but nowhere near as bright.

"What the hell?" Daniel asked, walking forward. He held out his hand and touched the wall. It felt warm like sunshine. He felt the wall tremble at his touch and sensed something from it.

Daniel didn't know or understand what he felt, but it was so powerful his knees buckled and he fell onto his ass. It felt like an orgasm but stronger and more transcendent. A tickling sensation kneaded at his gut and his teeth and arms tingled.

"My... god." he gasped.

No God. It was a voice in his head but it wasn't exactly a voice, more like an impression that popped into his brain. It was the same voice from the tree at Riverhome.

"What the fuck?" he asked aloud. "You again? Why do you keep talking to me?"

No talk. Feel. Experience. The wall said. The blue sheet warbled each time a new word came to mind. Daniel stared at it wide-eyed, not understanding.

"Who are you?" he asked the wall.

Daniel Gerald Woldt.

"But that's me!"

Yes.

"So... you are, uh, me?"

No.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He was now on his hands and knees kneeling before the wall like a dog. "I don't get it!"

Yes.

"Are you God?"

No.

"Are you just a figment of my imagination like everything else?"

No.

"Then who the fuck are you? And why are you talking to me?" he cried out. The wall trembled, as if mulling its answer.

Lost. It said at last.

"I'm lost?"

Yes.

"Lost in what?"

Trap.

"I'm stuck in a trap?"

Yes.

"How did I get in this trap?"

Daniel Gerald Woldt.

"Who put me in this trap?"

Daniel Gerald Woldt.

"How do I get out of this trap?"

Daniel Gerald Woldt.

"I don't fucking understand!"

Yes.

"God!" he stood up and paced back and forth. Janelle came to mind. She mentioned being caught in a trap too during many of her endless ramblings. "Am I in hell?"

Yes. And no.

Daniel felt like striking the wall. He let out a long deep breath and calmed himself.

"What do you mean I'm both in and not in hell? What the fuck does that mean?" he asked slowly. The wall trembled again and departed a thought to him. It came not in words but an understanding. It imparted Hell is not a locality but a state of being. Hell is a state where suffering eclipses all else and torment is consuming. Disease a better analog. It is communicable and can spread to others. One can be in hell before death and after death. Death is not death but a stateless existence between two or more states. Hell can only exist in a state. Therefore one must be alive to be in hell. You are in hell but you did not die to be in hell and death will not end your hell. Daniel stood there silently for a long while trying to digest everything. He understood on some level but not in a conscious sort of way. Outside Sophie beeped her car and the wall dimmed, the vaporous gold dissipated into the air.

"Wait I still have questions!" he protested but whatever it was in the wall was gone. It was cold and dark like the rest of the room. Daniel let out a long disappointed sigh and left the house. If he wanted answers he was going to have to find them himself.

Daniel sat quietly in the passengers seat as they made they were south into Ohio. Sophia's eyes were focused on the road ahead, but every once in a while she would glance over at him to make sure he wasn't going to freak out on her again. He didn't. He stared out the window and watched the scenery change. It should only take a few hours to get to Indianapolis from Western Michigan but the sky seemed to darken into night much quicker than that. He looked at the clock and saw that it was going on Eight P.M.

Eight? We left at noon? He thought to himself. "Why is it so late?" he asked in a low, slurred voice. Sophie bit her lower lip.

"You had a freak out, remember? We had to pull over for a few hours until you stopped screaming."

"We did?"

"Uh, yeah. You don't remember that?" She asked incredulously.

"No." he shook his head. He felt a little daze.

"Well, I definitely do."

"I'm sorry, baby." He apologized.

"It's okay." She sighed. "I know we just need to keep it together until my cousin looks at you."

"Okay." He looked back out the window and saw that they were in space now, the stars slipping by as they soared through the darkness. He looked back at her. "Hey I want to check something out in the back, okay?"

"Go for it."

Daniel climbed past the felt-covered passengers seat and wedged himself in the back. He was now standing in a huge metal door of a space ship. LED screens blinked all around him and the dark blue metal was covered in a thin film of wispy shadow. Daniel touched one of the screens and the door slide open and he stepped inside the room. The room was even bigger than the one before but now mostly barren except the metal walls and deep, dark corners. There were no windows, but to his right he saw a huge sack of brown flesh, just like the one in the tank with the fetal version of him from days ago, slowly extending and retracting in a measured pulse. He ran his hands across the smooth skin of the sack. It felt warm and supple to the touch. The fleshy sack recoiled and pushed against his hand as if it enjoyed the sensation.

In the center of the room he saw about a dozen of those tall, twisted, spindly white creatures from his dream earlier that day. The creatures moved in a measured, synchronized dance around a large fleshy maypole in the center of the room. Large umbilical cord-like ropes ran from the top and connected to the top of each creature's head as it made its jagged, angular steps around the pole. The creatures bodies twisted in a weird, unnatural way as they moved, their strides long and awkward. Daniel ignored the dancing creatures and walked past him to the back wall and placed his hand on another LED panel. A thin orange beam ran up and down the cool blue glass of the panel and read his prints. He heard the hiss of hydraulic pistons as the metal panels of the wall slide open on either side. He now stood in front of a clean glassy window that looked into a huge cylindrical room with an intense golden glow in the center. He touched the panel again and he felt the move jerk and then slowly descend down like an elevator that brought him closer to the glow below.

Slowly as he moved down he could see enormous car-sized white tentacles wave back and forth like kelp on in the sea. When he got near he felt the warmth of the golden glow and had to turn away until the room stopped moving. The glow dimmed enough so he could see, and he turned to find himself in front of a huge golden eye. The eye was the size of his house and the red veins small tentacles themselves that twisted and moved about within the milky fluid.

"I'm coming to free you." He said in a dazed voice. "My girlfriends cousin... she'll figure this out for us. I know she will. Once I free you you can free me." The eye did not respond. "I need to know what you are. Are you me? Are you inside me? Am I just hallucinating this whole thing? I just don't know yet."

You can't see me yet. Not with your eyes. The voice spoke in his mind. Sooon.

"Then let me see me through yours." He replied, completely hypnotized. He touched the screen a third time and the windows slide open. He walked toward the pupil and stopped when he realized it wasn't a pupil but a dark open mouth. He could feel its sweet breath on him. The mouth extended toward him and he stepped inside.

Chapter Nineteen

"Incredible!" Lauren Capelli squeaked as she took a step back from her microscope. "Where the hell did you get a hold of this stuff?" She looked up at Daniel, who shrugged.

"A friend gave it to me." he replied nonchalantly.

"Hmm." she furrowed her pretty face into a thoughtful frown. Lauren was Sophie's cousin by blood but the girls looked almost nothing alike. Whereas Sophie was tall and thick-boned Lauren was petite and very thin. Barely five feet in height, she cut a delicate figure with long black hair, a long but cute nose and tanned olive skin. The only thing she seemed to have in common with Sophie was the dark hair and matching black Spanish eyes. Lauren wore a tight turtle neck sweater and black sweat-pants, hardly the dress one would expect from a respected professor of Bio-Chemistry for Purdue University.

Lauren hopped up onto one of the shiny black counter tops and crossed her legs in front of her. She slumped her chin into her palm and stared forward, her dark eyes narrowed as she thought hard. Daniel shifted awkwardly and leaned up against Sophie. They had been in Indianapolis for three days now visiting Lauren. She was good company and very friendly in a geeky sort of way. Her husband, an overweight but charismatic lawyer, was not as enthusiastic for their company. Daniel's odd behavior didn't help the matter but, thankfully, Sophie kept him in check. Daniel looked around at the sophisticated laboratory and shivered. It was bright and white and full of glass, baby-powder smelling latex gloves and metal machines that beeped and booped.

Just like a hospital.

Lauren rubbed her chin and looked over at him.

"You really can't tell me anything else about it?" she asked hopefully. Daniel shook his head.

"I was told it was a new street drug and tried it. I've been seeing shit ever since." he explained, adding everything Sylvia had told him. Lauren didn't look surprised. She was well aware of his history with recreational drugs. Lauren pursed her lips together and pointed at him, her hands folded together in front of her like she was praying.

"Soooo you're saying they couldn't find any chemicals in your body and your brain seemed to be functioning normally but you are still having these... uh... issues?"

"Yeah. That's about the size of it."

"Weird. If the drug affected your brain chemistry to cause these effects they should have been able to detect that."

"That's what she said. She even went so far as to say that she thought I was faking it." he paused and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "You don't believe that, do you?"

"Danny I don't think you would have my cuz drive all the way out here if you were faking it." she said. "I can tell you obviously experiencing something."

"So... what can you tell me about the drug?"

Lauren folded her arms in front of her. She looked down at her feet as she talked.

"Honestly, I don't know what to make of it. I've just never seen anything like this in all my life, nor have I ever even heard of anything like this." she said. There was a nervous tinge to her voice.

"What is it?" Sophie asked.

"That's just it. I don't know!" Lauren threw up her hands and flopped them down at her side. "It's not just a chemical compound like most drugs. It's organic. These cells are not plant based or animal based Eukaryotic cells. They're... I've never seen anything like them before. I mean, I can tell they are cells, and probably the closest thing I can compare them to is an animal's cell but everything's just wrong."

"What do you mean they're wrong?" Daniel asked.

"They have proteins and nucleic acids but these ones are different. Like I said I've never even seen some of these proteins before. The membrane is ridged and is made of three layers of phospholipids, which makes no sense, and the protoplasm is rich with antioxidant nutrients that are wholly new to me. The organelles are there but they don't resemble any of the ones I've seen before. I was able to ascertain the purpose of some of them by observing their functions within the cell but others I have no idea what they are supposed to be used for."

"Functions? Are you saying that they're still alive?" Sophie asked. Lauren slowly nodded, a grim look on her face.

"Yes. Whatever this is you injected into your body, Danny, it was still alive and probably still is."

"So what are you saying?" Daniel prodded again. Lauren smacked her lips and looked past them to make sure no one was listening in.

"To be honest, and this scares the hell out of me, but my guess is that these strange cells have taken root and are growing inside your body."

Daniel felt his knees buckled. Sophie caught him and held him up. His heart raced in his chest. Sophie did her best to keep stoic for him but there was no making the fear behind her own eyes.

"Y-y-your saying that... you're saying that I- I fu- fucking injected some living shit into my veins? And now these things are growing inside me?" he sputtered. Lauren nodded grimly.

"It's plausible that these things have taken hold inside your brain and are interfering with your cognitive activity on a microscopic level. They're not actually affecting brain chemistry so those tests they ran on you might have missed it. Instead they could be attached to your neurons themselves."

"Can we kill them?"

"I don't know. If they are growing in your brain cells and the MRI and X-rays didn't kill them already I don't know what we can do for you."

"So I'm fucked. Oh my God I'm fucked! I'm so fucked!" he thought he was going to faint. Sophie moved him over to a seat and sat him down.

"Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe someone can fix this somehow but would need someone a hell of a lot smarter than me to do it."

"Why the hell would someone use that stuff to get high?" Sophie asked. Lauren shrugged.

"A lot of recreational drugs are created and laboratories and then flood the streets once the scientists learn they have mind altering affects. They start out in trials and then some shady people get a hold of them and realize they can make money off of them. It's possible some dealer saw the immediate effects of the drug and decided to sell it without monitoring long term effects." She then shifted in her seat. "Oh yeah, by the way I forgot to ask. Did you guys have sex recently?" the bluntness of the question caught both of them off guard.

"Yeah, uh, a few times?" Sophie answered. Daniel was still hyperventilating.

Why?" "Did he use protection?"

"Yeah, most of the time. We didn't a few days ago. Stupid, I know but it was heat of the moment." Sophie blushed. "Where are you going with this?"

"Wellll." she let her voice trail off meekly. "There is a chance that you could be infected too."

Sophie's eyes went wide this time and she fidgeted in her seat.

"No. No way! No way I infected her too! God please tell me I didn't infect the one person I fucking care about in this goddamn world?" Daniel pleaded.

"I don't know. I can run some tests on her. Take some samples." she said. "If the drug was transferred through your semen I should still find some cultures in her vagina since it takes time for something like this to spread."

"Jesus." Sophie muttered. "Fine. Check me. Swab me. Whatever."

"Okay, but guys..." she trailed off again, hesitating. "You know I have to contact the government about this."

They both protested and Lauren sank into her shoulders.

"I'm sorry. It's... it's too much of a risk not too. For everyone. I love you guys but you know I can't just let this go." she said apologetically.

"But they're going to take us and lock us away for the rest of our lives!" Daniel cried.

"Yeah, they might. I don't know. But you can't just walk around with some weird goo in you and risk getting the rest of the population contaminated too. Who knows what this junk does to people." she said. Daniel closed his eyes. He knew very well what it does to people.

"It's okay." Sophie said. "You're right. Call them."

"But they might take us away and dissect us and shit!" he protested. The memory of the hospital vivisection was still fresh in his mind.

"They might. But they are also probably the only people in the world that can help us. We can do this and hope things get fixed or we can just live with this the rest of our lives."

"Yeah. I'm sorry Danny but you know she's right." Lauren added. Daniel looked back and forth between them and teared up. Sophie pulled him close and let him cry into her shoulder. Lauren sighed and hopped down from the table. "I'll tell you what. Let me run some quick tests on my cousin and then I'll call them, okay?"

"Fine." he said, sitting up. "Do what you have to do. Just let me, just let me gather myself. This is all so unreal." He paused and looked over at the door. "I have to take a piss anyways."

"Okay. Go ahead and I'll run the tests."

"Danny I should go with you." Sophie said as she rose to her feet.

"Its okay." he said and waved his hand. "I'm just going down the hall. I will be right back."

Daniel stumbled forward out of the lab into the hallway. It was a beautiful building with pretty sandy marble floor with matching walls and soft lighting that gave it a classy, yet modern, feel. Thick glass windows allowed a beautiful view of the small garden below, and the fresh scent of mint drifted through the long corridors. A woman's high heels clacked somewhere around a bend and he could hear the muffled voices and coughs of tired students working on their last minute projects. Daniel didn't notice any of that.

His mind was spinning and he walked up to one of the palatial windows. He leaned forward and placed his forehead against the cool glass and stared down at the freshly cut green grass lawn. So this is it. He thought to himself. I injected some strange microorganism in my body and it's now growing in my brain making me see and feel all this shit. I'm fucked and now Sophia might be fucked too. Way to go Danny. You can't help but ruin other people's lives. He looked down at his hand. The finger was missing even though he knew it was still there. What the fuck am I going to do now? His eyes fixed on a little blue that bird swooped in and out of the tree. In the distance he saw the giant aimlessly lumber above the skyline of the city like some impending doom. Fuck it. Daniel pushed away from the railing. She's right. The government is the only thing that can help me now. Daniel looked up to the North where the giant was moving about. Or is it? Anthony said that his cousin gave him the drug and he works at the University of Chicago. We can go there and confront him and if he can't help we'll just turn ourselves in. Why not? What do we have to lose?

A sudden spell of vertigo hit him and he stumbled backwards. A wide-eyed Indian student stopped warily in his steps and the scooted past. Daniel recovered but felt groggy. The world took on a surreal liquid appearance. He felt a dull warm ache above his groin. The pressure in his bladder was somehow made worse by the high. He held out his hands and wobbled toward the men's room. The bathroom looked clean but smelled terrible. The sour odor of urine and feces made him bow over and cough. He stumbled past the sink to the urinals and felt his stomach churn. Each one was filled to the brim with stale piss, the dark amber fluid sloshed back and forth and ran down the sides in long yellow-brown rivulets. The pressure grew and he walked past them toward the toilet stalls. The smell was even worse here and when he opened the first door he saw the toilet was also overflowing. Large chunks of light brown shit spun around in the soupy yellow water, their every crease and ridge magnified by his vision. Small clumps of balled up toilet paper were buried amidst the shit, as was cigarette butts and condoms.

Disgusted, Daniel moved to the next stall and found this one was even worse. Shit was falling over the side of the toilet in dark lumps. He closed the door and went to the third and found that it was not only overflowing but clogged as well. Watery bulges of feces gurgled to the surface and sloshed over the side, spreading brown water in every direction. Daniel stepped away from the toilet and turned around and made for the exit. He opened the door and stepped through but came to an entirely new room altogether. He was now in his old high school locker room.

Dusty sunlight poured in through the windows and the dull green lockers and white tiled floor looked exactly like he remembered. So were the urine troughs, long porcelain tubs filled to the brim with more stale yellow urine. Kids he knew from High School mulled about as if nothing was wrong. He knew that pissing in these tubs would make them overflow but he didn't care. He had to go so he unzipped and stood awkwardly over one of them. The teenage boys stopped what they were doing and stared at him. Not him, but it. Daniel tried to ignore them and took aim. Nothing came out. He had to pee more than he ever had in his life but he just couldn't do it in front of them. He used to hold it all through gym class so he wouldn't have to expose himself to them and their imagined ridicule, sometimes even to the point that it hurt.

Daniel hastily zipped himself up and shoved his way passed them toward the exit. This is fucking ridiculous. He thought to himself. He opened the door and came to a large dark room with holes in the ceiling. In front of him floated a huge blob of water, its surface rippled and burbled as if caught in some anti-gravity field. He could see clouds of yellow and small watery chunks of crap floating around near the center. A metal-looking pipe jutted up near the bottom of the watery bubble and sucked nearby piss and shit into its dark throat. Daniel looked around the room. There were no toilets, urinals or even sinks. Just dark slabs of gray concrete and a floating ball of shit water.

You gotta be kidding me. Daniel groaned in his own mind. The warm ache grew worse and he had to go so bad he almost doubled over. Daniel walked up close to the floating ball and unzipped, took aim, and let loose. He groaned as urine exploded forth and splashed into the water, no not splash but got sucked into it. Streaks of yellow arced around the water bubble and swirled toward the center. He quickly zipped himself up and took a step back. The strange ball slowly turned and rotated. What the fuck is wrong with my brain? He turned around and saw a burgundy painted door in the wall. It looked oddly familiar.

Daniel stepped into the door and strangely found himself sitting in the passenger's seat of his mother's car. It was dark and cold, and they were in the middle of a dirty strip mall somewhere in Detroit. All the stores were dark. The sky was a purple blanket and the dark gray buildings were lined with white piles of fresh snow.

Daniel looked down to see he was now wearing his old winter coat and looked up to see that his mother, who loomed over him like a giant, sat next to him in the driver's seat. She put out her cigarette and turned off the car, the old Bing Crosby Christmas tune came to an abrupt stop. Karen opened the creaky car door and stepped out. Daniel followed suit and dropped to the ground below. Everything was huge now. The small one story buildings looked like skyscrapers and the moon a huge ghostly dinner plate in the sky.

Daniel walked over piles of broken concrete and crunchy snow. Karen wrapped her arms in her coat and walked up to the Toy Store, her pumps clanked hard on the concrete. She stopped in front of the store and let out a long sigh. Daniel padded his way behind her and stepped up onto the sidewalk. He looked up at her, the steady puffs of smoke made her look like some sort of human dragon. She looked down at him with a grim expression.

"I'm sorry baby. They're gone." she said sadly. Daniel looked over to see a display with several black Nintendo Entertainment Center boxes stacked neatly onto one another. There was a big 'Sold Out' sign set in front of them.

"No!" he cried out. "I want one!"

"We'll have to get you one next year. We just don't have the money this time."

"But I want one now!" "Well you don't always get what you want."

"Why?"

"You just don't, okay?" She huffed impatiently. Daniel sulked into his chest and stomped a few feet away.

"If we were still living with daddy we'd have the money." he said sourly. She turned to him, her eyes sad.

"I'm sorry."

"I hate being poor! I hate living with Aunt Halley! I want to go home!"

"Your father..." she stopped and closed her eyes and swallowed. "We can't."

"But he doesn't hit me! He only hits you!"

A tear ran down her cheek and she looked away. It hit Daniel then. He shook himself out of the memory and realized he wasn't being himself. Or he was, just not who he was now. He looked at his younger self in the reflection of the store and felt a strong sensation of self-loathing. My God was I that fucked up? That I would let my father beat her so I could have a fucking toy? He focused on his own eyes. I was always so hard on her. I still am. Sylvia's right. I am a sociopath. Without moving his gaze from his own eyes he causally reached up and grabbed the door. It swung open and he walked inside.

Daniel stepped out into the street. He stood in front of a row of low dark store fronts set along a pretty coastal road. Directly in front of him was Lake Michigan, big waves of dark blue waters slammed against a dark brick wall. A sidewalk lined the brick wall, and to the left and right Daniel could see people shuffle up and down the street. It was very cold and windy, and the white clouds above were pregnant with rain. The people stopped and looked out at the water. He followed their gaze to a massive white metal pole situated a hundred feet off the coast. It was wide and had a white latter that went up the side. He followed the pole up a hundred feet and saw a small metal crow's nest at the apex, and standing near the edge was Sophie.

"What the fuck?" he asked aloud. She was not much more than a blob in the distance but he could tell from its movement that she was crying. "Sophie no! Get down from there!" he screamed up at her. Sophie couldn't hear him. Instead she shuffled closer to the edge. Daniel looked left and right for someone to help her. No one was there but him. "Sophie hold on!" he cried out and leaped into the water. It was ice cold and heaved up and down. It was hard to get anywhere and the frozen temperature made his arms and legs feel numb. Daniel ignored this and swam toward the pole. What the hell am I doing? He asked himself. This is insane! I can't help Sophie! I can barely swim! It's so cold. It's...

If I don't save her who will? He asked himself. Daniel felt a surge of determination. I have to do this. No one else can but me. I have to save her. He spat out mouth fulls of dirty lake water and felt something brush up against his leg. He looked down to see a shadowy octopus-like creature below him. "Fuck it!" he swam harder, heaving one arm over the other. The octopus tried to grab him but he swam past it and reached the pole.

Daniel pulled himself onto the cold metal ladder and climbed up. His wet clothing felt heavy and ice cold against his skin but he ignored it. He climbed another rung and felt a slimy tentacle wrap around his leg and tug at him. He slipped down a run and wrestled with the thing but he never once took his eyes from her. He pulled free and heaved himself higher. The tentacles slapped at him but when it realized he was out of reached is slowly slid down the pole and back into the water. Daniel heard the rumble of thunder as he moved up, and to his left lightning knifed the sky. Fear crept up into his throat but he swallowed it back down. I'm not going to let you down this time, Sophie. He thought determinedly to himself. You've done nothing but help me. This time I'm gonna save you.

Daniel climbed higher and higher, so high he could see nothing but clouds around him. So high the world looked small and quaint below. He turned back to Sophie and pressed on. Lightning and thunder exploded all around him, and he knew being on a metal pole this high he was a sitting duck. If he turned back now Sophie would die, he knew, so he ignored the fear and kept on moving up. The clouds swirled around as he reached the top, and he knew a funnel cloud would soon descend from the sky.

Daniel pulled himself onto the surface and rolled onto his back to catch his breath. The metal grating pressed uncomfortably against his spine. No time. Daniel thought and pushed himself to his feet. Sophie stood with her back to him, her face buried in her hands.

"Sophie..." he said as he wearily reached toward her.

"I'm sorry." she apologized. "I can't do it anymore."

"Please don't..."

"You've been nothing but a burden to me, baby, but I was always there for you."

"I know. I know. Sophie..."

"And what did you ever give me, huh?" she turned back to him, an angry glint in her eye. "You take and take and take but what do you give?" she paused and turned to him. "Oh yeah. You gave me that infection. How nice of you."

"I'm going to fix us." he replied.

"You can't even fix yourself. That's why we're in this situation in the first place."

"I can save you."

"Can you?" thunder boomed.

"Yes?"

"Then save me." she held out her arms and fell backwards off the pole.

Daniel screamed out and dove head first off the crow's nest. Sophie crossed her arms across her chest and closed her eyes as she fell. He reached to her. Light framed her pretty face. She looked peaceful. The water was rising up toward them fast. Daniel narrowed his body and fell faster. He reached his arms around her and held her close to him. She was warm.

"Will you die with me?" she asked.

"Yes." he replied simply and closed his eyes. A black form moved under the water, and tentacles reached up toward them as they hit the water. Except it wasn't water. Bright red pain flashed and he screamed out as he hit something solid and hard. He hit the concrete face first, the impact bounced him up into the air and dropped him down for a second hit. He felt blood ooze from his mouth and lips and every inch of his body ached. Sophie was gone altogether.

"Gaaaah!" Daniel screamed and pushed himself up. He was dazed and his body screamed in agony. He laid on a hard slab of concrete and could still hear the lake behind him. He looked up and saw that it was early evening now, the purple sky clear of clouds. He swung his head forward and saw that he was standing in front of a huge three story lake house with wall-sized glass palatial windows and dark blue metallic trimming. Daniel was on a concrete path that led up to the big glass double doors. It was dark inside, only the aqua glow of a television broke the darkness. Daniel felt a presence in that house, a very vile and monstrous thing. He was afraid.

"I don't want to go in there." He said to himself.

It is your only escape. A voice replied. Daniel recognized it as the voice in the wall at his house. Daniel swallowed and trudged up the steps. He wiped the blood away with the back of his hand and grabbed the door. He hesitated and then steeled himself.

"I can't keep running away." he said to himself and walked inside.

He found himself in the living room of the huge house. A duo of couches were set in front of the TV along with a glass coffee table and two reading lamps. Past them he saw a large pair of winged stair cases lined with plush burgundy carpeting that wrapped around the room and led up to the second story above. All he could see was shadows above. There was something huge and metal set against the back wall and he could see a figure standing in front of it. The figure stretched its arms out to the side and Daniel could see it wore voluminous robes.

"Welcome, my son. Take a seat. You're just in time." the figure said and turned around. It was his father.

Gerry's eye glasses glinted in the darkness. Daniel did as he was instructed. He couldn't help himself. Suddenly candles set all over the room flickered on and he saw that Gerry was standing in front of a giant goat headed pentagram. He was wearing red robes and fire painted the back wall that ugly yellow color he had seen so many times before. Sinister looking symbols and words were painted on the yellow wall with black paint, and Daniel felt that evil force all around him. His gaze lowered and he saw to naked children manikins laying on a black futon mattress. He looked closer and recognized one was Sophie, her plump pink body slowly moving up and down as she breathed. He looked over and saw the other was Christina.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he screamed. He tried to get out of his chair but a loud demonic growl echoed throughout the house and he felt a force pin him to the chair. Daniel looked around and saw that the shadows seemed to have thickened and took on a life of their own.

"What I've always done." Gerry replied with a sneer. "What? You're surprised? You knew about this for how long? Twenty years?"

"You're a sick fuck!" he growled.

"I am!" he laughed triumphantly. "You always saw me as the devil and you were right! I am the devil and you had the chance to stop me. Did you tell anyone? Hmm?" Daniel was silent. "Why not? Because you were afraid of what people would think of you? Because you were too weak to face the truth yourself? How many children did I hurt because you were too weak, huh? Tsk tsk."

"I was going to turn you in..." Daniel tried pathetically.

"Oh really? When? Why didn't you? Oh yes because it wasn't you. As long as I left you alone it was okay, right? You really are a sociopath. Well, to put things into perspective for you, how about I hurt someone you care about. And since there are only two people in this world you care about..."

"Fuck you!"

"No, fuck you. At least I always wanted to but I was too chicken shit. Just like you. But guess what, here I am free! I have no bounds! No fear! No limits!" Gerry dropped his robe.

Daniel tried to look away from his father's pale naked body but couldn't. That demonic force held his head still and his eyes wide open. He tried to get up and squirm but it was stronger. He could feel its hot sour breath waft down the back of his neck. It growled in his ear, a slobbery sound of sated pleasure. Gerry walked in front of him and turned around to face the two sleeping kids.

"No!" Daniel murmured through his clenched jaw.

"Oh yes! Yes!" Gerry returned and knelt down in front of the futon as if too pray. Daniel could only let a horrified cry as Gerry lifted up the blanket and slide inside.

The blankets made a grotesque bulge where his body was. Gerry slowly slithered to the sleeping children, his body moving like a snake. Or a worm. The demon laughed as Daniel cried, so utterly horrified he couldn't think of anything else to do. The bulge moved closer. Daniel struggled against the demon and then cried out again as he felt a smooth warm hand touch his ankle as his father touched Sophie in the same part.

"No!" Daniel screamed again, his determination growing as he felt the hand move up his leg. A power flowed into him then. Something strong.

Stronger than the demon.

Yes. That's it. The voice chided him on. Daniel surged forward again and slipped from the demon's grasp. It growled and screamed at him as he tore free and lunged forward. He felt its claws dig into his shoulders as it yanked at him but he was too strong. Daniel grabbed the blanket and ripped it off the bed to exposing the naked bodies. His father turned over, stunned. Before he had a chance to say anything Daniel was on top of him. He pulled him off the bed and away from the children and then sat on his chest and punched him in the face.

"No. No. Stop." Gerry pleaded as Daniel hit him over and over. The demon recoiled away from him, scared of him. "Stop." Daniel didn't listen. All his hatred flowed out of him as he punched him over and over and over until his face was a little more than bloody chunks. Gerry's head lolled to the side, blood and other fluids leaked onto the fine wooden flooring. Daniel stared down at his father, his nostrils flaring, and his eyes wide and brimmed with tears.

"I hate you." he hissed.

"Prove it." his father garbled back, and Daniel hit him again.

Chapter Twenty

"Daniel stop it!" Sophie screamed. She grabbed him by his arms and yanked at him. Daniel ignored her continued punching the hard ground. His lacerated knuckles left bloody splotches on the pristine white marble. A guttural scream escaped his mouth and he pushed himself off the ground and lifted his leg to step on his father's head. "Daniel, please, stop it!" Reality twisted around in a swirling circle, blending his fantasy with the real world. Sophie's cries were tinny and far away but he heard them nonetheless. He felt drawn to her voice and he turned in her direction. The world puffed out in a wide bubble and then contracted as Sophie finally came into view. He looked around, dazed. A half a dozen people were staring at him from open doors, and he realized he was standing in the middle of a hallway. His hands and nose bleed all over the pristine white flooring.

"My God." he muttered to himself. "I got lost again. Lost again."

"Are you okay now, baby?" Sophie asked. "Yeah, yeah. I'm cool. Everything's coming back now."

"Is that man alright?" asked a concerned older woman from behind one of the doors.

"Everything's under control now." Lauren waved to them. "Daniel here is a schizophrenic and he had a bad reaction to some new meds he took. He's okay now."

"Should we call a doctor for him?" A portly bald teacher sheepishly asked from the doorway of his room. "The medical center is just a few buildings down."

"No, it's cool. He's okay now. The chemical seemed to have metabolized." Lauren grabbed both him and Sophie by the arms. "Come on guys we should get out of here."

The three of them burst out of the front doors of the university into the muggy spring night. Crickets were playing their amorous song, birds chirped and insects buzzed about. As they walked the scene shifted and suddenly it was winter, the ground covered in soft piles of glittering snow and the sky was a healthy purple pool of cold water. He shivered and both girls gave him a curious glance. By the time they made it to her red Ford Explorer it was spring again and the sky was pregnant with stars and streaking comets. They piled in and Lauren turned on the van. Shitty pop music burst from the radio as she yanked the gear into reverse and they drove toward home.

Daniel watched the buildings pass, their dark silhouettes stretched into the painted sky at unnaturally jagged or curved angles. Sophie and Lauren chatted in the front seat, both girls trying their best to dance around the topic of his problem. Daniel's mind wandered. He tried to remember everything he had just been through and digest their meaning. Certainly there had to be a meaning. He remembered the encounter with his mother in the parking lot and felt the same pang of guilt. Daniel felt his phone in his pocket and pulled it out. Without thinking he dialed her number and held it to his ear.

"Daniel! Oh my God where are you? Are you okay?" she asked frantically.

"I'm okay ma. I'm with Sophie and we're taking care of something."

"Sophie? Who's Sophie?" she asked.

"Oh, uh, Mandy. She changed her name from Sophie to Mandy a while ago."

"Okay fine whatever. WHERE ARE YOU? You disappeared from Riverhome days ago and no one's seen you since."

"It's better that you don't know." he answered cryptically.

"What does that mean?"

"Sorry you have to trust me. Please, mom, I'm okay. In fact I'm getting better."

"I'm so worried about you." she bleated. Daniel felt another pang of guilt.

"Look, I'm cool but that's not why I called you. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry, okay? I feel really bad and I need to get it off my chest."

"Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"For all the years I lied to you and took shit from you. For all the times I yelled at you and talked shit. For the time I hit you after you threw my CD's at me. For the time, when I was like five, when I said you should just take dad's abuse so I could have a fucking video game system." he stopped and wiped away tears with the palms of his hands. "I was so selfish growing up. I still am now, but this bad drug trip has opened my eyes, mom. I want to be a better son and I want to make things right. I'm just... sorry."

There was a long pause on her end and he could hear her sniff and wipe away a tear.

"Daniel." she said with a nervous laugh. "Daniel baby where is all this coming from? Why are you bringing this up now?"

"Like I said, ma, I'm having a bad trip and it's making me remember all the shitty things I've done in my life and I want to make amends." he answered.

"Well, its okay, baby. As long as you're okay its okay, okay?" she said and then laughed at her own garbled sentence. "Look, you got me all emotional now."

"A good kind of emotional, right?" he asked. She laughed again.

"Very good kind of emotional." her voice became serious. "Daniel, you are my oldest child and I love you and always will, you know that, right? I can't ever be mad at you. You're my son!"

"And you my mother and I will always love you too." he replied. "Wow, that's, like, the first time I said that in, like, two fucking decades."

"Don't swear."

"Sorry ma."

"It's okay. Just... come home to me, okay?"

"I will, just as soon as I get this taken care of."

"I will pray for you." she said. Daniel tried not to laugh.

"I know you will. Bye ma."

"Love you. Bye."

Daniel stared at his phone for a moment and smiled. He felt a sense of peace in him. He became aware that both of the girls were giving him puzzled looks in the rear view mirror. Sophie sniffed.

"Guess drugs make you introspective, right?" he said with his own nervous laugh. The girls were silent. "Now... for the hard part." he dialed the Campton Police Station's number. It rang. A bored sounding operator answered the phone.

"Can I help ya sir?" she asked.

"Yes I'd like to report a crime. Can I speak to a detective?" he asked.

"Hold on a minute." she said. The line went silent except for the low hiss of static.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sophie asked.

"Something I should have done twenty years ago." he answered. A burly man's voice came from the other end.

"This is Detective Donaldson. How can I help you?" he asked.

"Yes sir I would like to report a crime." he said.

"And what is that?" he asked.

"There is a man named Gerald Woldt who lives on 2418 Fitch Street. In his basement he has a collection of child pornography that he keeps hidden in a red metal tool bench in a small closet-room in the basement. The closet is always locked but the keys are in the third shelf of his work bench under a bunch of bullets. He has pictures, magazines and even some movies." the line went dead for a moment.

"What's your name and number, sir?" he asked.

"I'd like to remain anonymous for the time being." Daniel said.

"Okay, but if this lead turns out to be false we will back track your phone and cite you for making a false accusation and destruction of property." he instructed. Daniel could hear his pen scribble down notes on a pad.

"I understand."

"Oki dokie than thanks for the call. Well look into it right away." he said and then hung up.

Daniel did the same and stared at the blank screen of his phone for a long while. A weight has been lifted from his shoulders. He felt lighter. Better. Cleaner. He looked up to see both girls staring at him again.

"Daniel." Sophie started breathlessly.

"Its true." he answered quietly. "My dad's a pedophile."

"Oh my God! How long did you know?" she asked, shocked.

"Since I was a ten or so." he shook his head and stared out the window. "Found his stash once after grandma locked me in the basement."

"Why didn't you tell anybody?" she asked.

"I've asked that question myself for years. Guess, in the end, I just didn't want to face it, you know?"

"It's okay, baby. You did the right thing." she leaned back and patted him on the shoulder. "You know I always got a weird vibe from him, you know? Something I could never put my finger on but it was there."

"Yeah, well I knew exactly what his problem was and I should have done something about it earlier." he scolded himself.

"Well, you took care of it now so you don't have to feel bad about it anymore." she paused and shook her head. "Wow, still can't believe it." she looked back at him. "Did he ever, you know..."

"No he never touched me. Thank God." Daniel spat out the words. "I think he was too scared of getting caught. Still, he did take all those trips to Thailand and Brazil so God knows what he did over there."

"I think we know exactly what he did there." Sophie said bitterly. "Disgusting."

"You're telling me."

"Hey look we're home!" Lauren said aloud, grateful to escape the awkward conversation. They turned down a neat street lined with large three story houses. It was a pretty and serene scene, and above the sky was now bursting with bright stars and infinite possibilities. It looked surreal, even cartoonish. For once he felt good about himself and the world reflected it. They pulled into her driveway and found a large nondescript white van parked behind her husband's BMW.

"Who's that?" Sophie asked.

"Dunno." Lauren said as she put the van into park. She looked over at it for some sort of insignia or something. "Well Larry did want to hire some guys to paint the attic so he's probably just getting a quote." She got out and walked to the large wooden door of her three-story brown Victorian. It was dark inside except for the blue glow from the TV. "That's odd. Why would Larry have all the lights off?" She pushed open the door and stepped inside. "Larry? Larry baby we're home!" They walked in and followed her though the dark lavish hallways. They could hear voices in the kitchen and headed that way. Lauren grabbed a corner and peered around to see a stranger sitting at her counter.

He was a younger guy, maybe in his mid-twenties, with short-cropped blonde hair and a deep beach tan. He wore a white and blue stripped polo shirt and baggy khaki shorts. His sneakers were white with blue trim. He was in good shape but not a very attractive fellow. His face was round and smooth and dotted with red acne. His dull hazel eyes were sunken deep within his bloated head, and his teeth were yellow from years of drinking coffee and skipping the dentist. He was speaking on a cell phone with a glass of soda in his hand. He wore rubber gloves. His voice sounded dusty.

"Yeah well what can you expect? I told the cable guy we had to be at the babysitters at 3 and he still didn't show up on time so it's not my fault we didn't get the box fixed. Uh huh. Uh huh. Babe come on you can't blame me. Just call them back and reschedule. Come on..." he paused when he saw Lauren and the others enter the room. "... Hey I got to go. Job stuff. Tell Candice I love her. Love you too. Bye." he hung up the phone and took a sip from his drink. "I was wondering when you'd guys get back."

"Are you with the painters?" she asked. A sneer spread over his face.

"Uh, yeahhhh. Your husband said I could mix a drink while my partner takes a look at your living room." he said as he drank from the glass.

"We're getting the attic painted." she pointed out.

"Sorry. Misspoke." he stood up. "So you must be Lauren Ryans?"

"Yeah. Nice to meet you." she said, still suspicious. She held out her hand.

"I better not." he held up his hands.

"Painters don't use those kind of gloves." Sophie said. He held out his arms and shrugged. Daniel felt the world start to spin and there was a sound, like a very low orchestra note, breathing from the rich shadows in the corners of the room.

"You still haven't told us your name." Daniel said.

"It's better if I don't." he replied as he slowly walked around the counter.

"Who are you really?" Lauren asked.

"Doesn't really matter." he replied.

"And why is that?" she asked. He grinned again and reached behind his back and then pulled out a silenced pistol, leveled the gun, and shot her in the forehead.

The gun made a low squeak, the sound a mouse makes after you pick it up. Lauren's head snapped back and her eyes rolled up into her head. Sophie cried out as her cousin slumped to the ground. Daniel made a move toward him but the man aimed the gun at his head this time.

"Don't even think about it cowboy." he said. "You must be Daniel Woldt. We've been tracking you for quite some time now."

"Who are you people?" he asked with a trembling voice. Daniel shook so hard he could barely move. Sophie hovered over her cousin and screamed her name.

"Doesn't matter. You're coming with us."

"Fuck you!" Sophie screamed and lunged at him. The blonde man casually kicked her in the chin and sent her astray. Daniel screamed out this time and charged forward. The blonde causally whipped him with his pistol and dropped Daniel to his knees. Both Daniel and Sophie stood up at the same time and prepared themselves for another attack. The man's grin grew even wider. They never saw it coming. Someone snuck up behind them and jammed a cloth over each of their faces. It had a suffocating chemical smell. Daniel felt the world spin even faster and his head ached. Then everything turned white.

***

Daniel opened his eyes sometime later. He was somewhere warm and dark and he could feel himself moving. He looked around and saw Sophie lying unconscious next to him. Her arms were bound behind her back. He looked over to the other side and saw both Larry and Laura's bodies wrapped up in clear plastic sheeting, and sitting on the tire well was the blonde guy from before. Past him he saw a swarthy man in a red Enyce t-shirt and baggy jeans with short black hair, wire-rimmed glasses and a nicely cropped goatee driving the van. Beyond him all he could see was billowing white clouds set against a gray sky.

"The fuck?" Daniel groaned and rolled onto his side. His hands were bound too. The blonde guy finished texting something on his phone and put it away in his pocket.

"Good morning." he said cheerily. "How's your head?"

"Fucking hurts. Asshole." Daniel mumbled. "Why the fuck did you have to kill her?"

"She was a witness." he answered plainly.

"To what?"

"Don't be stupid." the man leaned back against the seat. "You know exactly what this is about."

"The fucking drug." he spat on the ground at his feet. The man's expression didn't change. "This is about the goddamn drug, isn't it?"

"Great deduction, Watson. You're going to make Constable in no time."

"Fuck you!" Daniel screamed. The man laughed and Sophie stirred.

"You shouldn't talk to them." the driver said with a rather effeminate voice. "It's unprofessional."

"Fuck you, Reza."

"Don't use my name."

"Whatever. Not like it's gonna matter anyways."

"You're the guys who took Anthony, aren't you?" Daniel asked. The blonde turned to him.

"You mean that fat kid? Yeah, we had a talk." The blonde replied.

"Stop talking to them." Reza repeated.

"Shut up!"

"Don't make me cap you too, asshole."

"But were a team, bro. Like Elvis and Costello. Burt and Ernie. Beavis and Butthead."

"This is about getting paper, dawg. I ain't your friend." Reza snapped back.

"Oh whatever."

"Who hired you?" Daniel asked. The blonde looked at him incredulously.

"What, you think I'm some sort of James Bond villain? I'm not telling you shit." he scoffed.

"Cause you been doing a real good not telling them shit so far." Reza dryly replied.

"You know what? How about I..."

"Shut up." Reza cut him off. "We're here."

The van came to an abrupt stop and they all heaved back and then forward. Sophie lifted her groggy head and stared right into her dead cousin's eyes. She screamed.

"Will you shut the fuck up with that shit?" The blonde said. Reza jumped out the driver seat and ran around to the back and yanked the doors open. Purple moonlight spilled into the van.

"Lauren! Lauren oh my God Lauren!" Sophie screamed frantically.

"Shut up." the blonde said and kicked her in the mouth. Daniel screamed out angrily and lunged toward him. The blonde replied with another kick to his forehead. Reza reached in and grabbed Daniel by the belt and slid him out of the van onto the ground. Daniel's face smacked into hard dirt. He did the same with Sophie and tossed them both in front of a big hole in the dirt while the blonde threw both Lauren and Larry's bodies into the pit. Daniel managed to climb to his knees and look around. They were in the middle of a grassy field that stretched into the horizon in all directions.

"Where the fuck are we?" he asked.

"Nowhere." Reza replied and then aimed a gun at him. "Now this is the deal. You on the list but yo bitch ain't so if maybe we let her go." Daniel looked over at Sophie. Her head was hung down and blood oozed from her lip. She looked furious.

"Bullshit." she snapped. "If you guys are hit men then you're not going to risk leaving witnesses. You fucking killed my cousin! We're not fucking stupid." Reza shrugged.

"I was just trying to give yo boy some measure of peace before we kill his ass. It aint like we like killing people for money. We just got to make ends meet, know what I'm saying?"

"How could you do this shit if you have a family?" Sophie asked the blond.

"It's hard to feed a family with a shitty job. Like Reza said we gotta make ends meet." he offered. "It's not so bad, really. You got to go to interesting places. Meet interesting people. And kill them." he chuckled. "Just like in the Marines." he shifted his weight to the other leg. "Besides I don't fucking know you people so why should I care?"

"You're an asshole!"

"Yup. Being an asshole pays."

"Fuck you!" Daniel spat a mouth full of blood in the blondes face. He spat it down onto the ground.

"Fucking gross! You got it all in my mouth and everything." He ranted and then backhanded Daniel.

"What are you gonna do? Kill me?" Daniel growled.

"I I'm gonna fucking kill you, punk. But maybe I'll do your girl first and make her watch."

"Shut the fuck already and let's do this." Reza said impatiently. The blonde walked over and stood next to Reza and pulled out his gun too.

"You ready for this shit?" the blonde said, raising his voice to add drama.

"We aint getting paid till it's done." Reza replied and took aim at Sophie. The blonde aimed his gun at Daniel. "On the count of three."

Daniel's heart raced in his chest and he looked around for someone, or something to help. Sophie just knelt there with her head down, resigned to her fate. The world was spinning and the sky looked much larger than before. Darker. Sweat beaded down his forehead and tickled his skin. His mouth was dry and his heart beat so fast it ached in his chest.

"One." Reza said. Daniel looked desperately back and forth for something. Anything.

I can help you. The voice in his head said.

How? He asked back.

"Two."

"Dude were totally having a Pulp Fiction Moment here." The blonde joked.

"Shut the fuck up. We got to be professional about this, yo. Hit them at the same time to minimize the sound like they do in the movies."

Your visions.

Yeah?

"What movies?" the blonde asked. Reza flopped his arms at his side.

"You know, all them gangster movies. Capone and shit man." he said. "Now shut up and let's get this done so I can get my paper."

Share them.

"Fine then let's do this." The blonde said. They both aimed their guns again. Sophie cried next to him.

"Please don't kill us." she said between tears. "PLEASE DON'T KILL US! Oh my God oh my God..."

"Shut up bitch." Reza growled. Daniel slowly looked up at the blonde guy, who himself was looking at her. Daniel saw a small look of remorse on his face. Daniel stared up into his ugly mug and narrowed his eyes. He was doing something. He didn't what he was doing, nor why or how, but he just knew he could. The world warped around the blonde like quicksilver, the stars spun around like drops of ink in a whirlpool. The blonde shook his head, dazed, and lowered his gun.

"The fuck?" he said to himself and put his hand over his face and shook his head.

"What is it now?" Reza asked impatiently.

"I don't know I feel... fucking weird." he shook his head. "Shit." His eyes bulged out of his head and he started shaking.

"What the fuck man?" Reza stepped away. "You totally bugging out."

"My God. My god. "

"Dude what the..." Reza began but was drowned out by the blondes screaming."Calm down, man! Calm down!"

"Contact!" The blonde screamed, lifted his gun and shot Reza in the head.

Chapter Twenty One

Reza's hands went up to shield himself but the bullet soared through his fingers and hit him square in the forehead. Reza's head snapped back and he fell to the ground like dead weight. Sophie screamed again and rolled to the side. The blonde held his hand to his face and sobbed into his palm. It's working! Daniel thought to himself. Whatever I'm doing it's fucking working! Sophie was trying to push herself up but with her hands bound behind her back but it was hard to find a center of balance. The blonde fell to his knees and threw up on the ground. He then pushed himself back up to his feet at the same time Daniel managed to do the same.

"You... fucking... freak!" he screamed and pointed it at Daniel's chest.

Sophie screamed out and charged forward. She drove her shoulder into the small of the blondes back. He cried out and his gun went off, the bullet hitting the ground next to Daniel with a soft thud. The blonde man stumbled forward and tumbled head first into the open pit, his cried muffled by the plastic sheets around Lauren's body.

"We got to get out of here!" she screamed. Below the blonde flailed against the plastic sheet.

"We can use the van." Daniel screamed back. Sophie nodded quickly and ran into the open passenger's seat of the van to search for something to cut the zip ties. Daniel headed for the passenger's seat when a bullet pinged off the door and screamed past his ear. He spun around to see the blonde had already covered and had his gun beaded on him for another shot.

Daniel darted to the side as another bullet hit the dirt by him. Fear flooded into his mind and he rang into the empty grass field. He heard the blonde shuffled after him and fire again, the bullet whizzed past his arm.

"Danny!" Sophie screamed from the van and then again as a bullet hit the rear of the van.

"Fuck you!" Daniel screamed at the blonde, who was turned back to face his girlfriend. The blondes head spun forward, his eyes wild with terror and rage. He ran after Daniel again. The blonde nimbly sprinted over Reza's body and side-stepped the dirt pit. That's right, idiot. Don't worry about her just follow me. He felt a sharp bite on his leg as a bullet glanced off calf. Daniel gritted his teeth and ignored the pain. He pumped his legs as fast as he could but the blonde kept step with him. Sophie's screams became a distant howl and, with a quick glance back, he watched her and the van disappear altogether into the horizon.

Daniel ran as fast as he could through the dark night. He stumbled and tripped over clumps of dirt and rocks. The blonde fared no better; whatever Daniel did to him disorientated him so bad he had to stop altogether to get his bearings. I have to get him as far from her as I can. He told himself and pumped his legs even harder. His lungs burned and his head felt like it was going to explode but Daniel kept pushing himself. Another shot went astray, one in an entirely different direction. Tears ran down his face and he felt like he was going to pass out from exhaustion but he ran. And ran. And ran.

The farther he ran from Sophie the stronger the drug became. The world shifted around him and spun. The ground undulated and seemed to pitch to the side so it felt like he was running across an angled hill. The grass turned into a sea of sharp shadows, silhouettes against the shifting sky. The uniform purple gave way to a rainbow of different colors. Reds, blues, yellows, greens, purples and oranges bulged and swirled around one another like something you would see in a psychedelic film from the seventies. A face appeared on the moon and it babbled incoherently overhead while the Earth murmured below.

"Sky dance pillow farm chicken banana gun building pineapple wrench toy monkey." the moon uttered.

"Ground sit bed house turkey orange knife tent strawberry screwdriver tool alligator." the Earth replied.

"Shut up shut up shut the fuck up!" Daniel screamed through breaths.

"Kkkillll youuu!" The blonde screamed back. "Ffffucking ffffreaaaak. Mmmmaaaakeee iiiit goooo awaaaaaaaay."

"Go to... hell!" The world spun around and directions became meaningless. Daniel didn't need them. He just needed to get away from the blonde psycho.

The blonde fired several more shots and then the gun clicked. Daniel spun around to confront him but saw the blonde was reloading.

"Shit!" he screamed and then turned back and ran. Both men were tired and they each limped their way across the grassy plain until something bright appeared on the horizon. Daniel headed straight for it. The moon was now sobbed and he felt fat wet drops of precipitation fall over his shoulders and head. It was cool. Moments passed and dark angular structures appeared amidst the lights. Closer still he could see long looping lines, a big wheel and a very large tent in the center of it all. Oh great! A fucking carnival. He cursed his luck but headed right for it.

The sounds came next, a loud cacophony of metallic clangs, laughter, and cheering and corny carnival music. The red and white tent in the center loomed up like a foreboding tower. The roller coaster arced at impossible angles. The Ferris wheel rose into the sky and disappeared amidst a ceiling of clouds. A low run of shacks and make-shift buildings were spread sporadically throughout the floor. Tall telephone poles with hanging flood lights rose about like towers, turning the dozens of wires that ran between each of them into thin black silhouettes. Mosquito and flies hovered around the warm lights, and he could see the shadows of people mulling about the place inside the ground.

Daniel ran right into one of the low metal fences with a loud clang. He cried out in pain and tumbled head over heel and landed on his back with a hard thud. The air blew out of his lungs and his eyes popped wide open to see a swirling sky above. He rolled onto his belly, dug his knees into the ground and pushed himself up.

"Hey are you okay, man?" A clown asked with a cigarette in one hand. He wore a lime green coat and a red sweater. His face was painted white with blue circles around his eyes and mouth and he wore a comically small hat with a daisy hanging limply off one end.

"Knife!" Daniel breathed. "Do... you... have... a... knife?"

"Yeah. Why?" The clown asked. Daniel swung around and showed him his zip tied hands. "Oh my god!" The clown pulled out a pocket knife and flipped it open. Daniel's head spun as he felt the knife tug at the plastic until, mercifully, it snapped free.

"Thank you!" he cried out. "We gotta go man! There's a psycho out there with a gun who tried to kidnap me!" he said in a single breath, all the words jumbled together into a single long sentence. The clown opened his breath to say something but as a bullet hit him in the cheek. He stumbled sideways into the back of a booth, his blood painted the wall. Daniel screamed and turned to see at the blonde standing there breathing hard and eyes wide and wild. Daniel spun around and charged forward into the carnival.

Loud cheerful organ music floated through the circus grounds. The notes sounded distorted to him, the pitch going up and down and stretching and compressing. The world spun on its axis again and he stumbled to the side and pushed off a wooden light pole. People mulled all about, their skin pink and hair bleached from hours in the sun. Pink shirts and white shorts flashed by and everyone seemed to stare at him with nervous eyes. He looked wildly at the rows of ski ball games sheltered under wooden awnings, strings of fat white Christmas lights strung up above. He looked to the left and saw children shooting water into a big plastic clown's mouth. Others flipped green plastic frogs into yellow water pads that floated in blue kiddie pools. A group of teens stood in a circle around a strong-man's rigging. One scrawny teen smashed a sledgehammer down onto a big red dot. A metal weight slide up the pole and hit the bell with a loud clang that rang in his ears far longer than it should have. Above it all he heard the clank clank clank sound of the roller coaster climbing its first drop.

"Attention folks. The Sterling Bros. Circus will be putting on a fantastic show in the main tent at nine o' clock. Bring the kids for some fine family fun! That's nine o'clock, folks. Be there or be square." And announcer barked over a crackling speaker. Daniel looked up at it for a moment, dazed, and then back to see the blonde push his way through the crowd.

"Oh shit!" he screamed and bolted into the crowd. People flooded in in every direction and pressed in. Through their heads and shoulders he could see a sweaty dark-skinned man standing behind a pretzel stand. He looked over at Daniel with beady black eyes. His face flitted past and a short plump woman with glasses leaned over a metal counter to hand a hot dog to some kid. He turned his head and saw a tall thin fellow in a white apron and paper hat swirling a paper cone around in circles as a machine belched out fluffy pillows of blue cotton candy. Daniel could hear the hiss of carbonated drinks being dispensed, the crackle of cooking oil and sizzle of meat on the grill. He smelled greasy corn dogs, deep fried elephant ears and oily French fries.

The bodies pressed in from all sides again. He looked around frantically but could see nothing but beefy shoulders and the back of necks burned brown by the sun. Panic slipped into his chest and he panted as he pushed his way through the throng of strangers. He felt like he was suffocating, like eyes were watching him every step he took. Through the strangers he could see a small boy wandering about, his head craned up.

"Mommee! Momme! Where are you mommee!" the boy cried. The strangers just ignored him. "I can't find my mommee!" The boy glanced back at him and Daniel, their identical blue eyes meeting for a moment, then past him. "Mommee!" A fat man walked past and the boy disappeared.

The strangers suddenly grew taller all around him, each one ten feet or higher. Daniel cried out and darted back and forth to avoid their long limbs. He looked behind himself and saw the blonde, a giant too, pushing his way through the crowd. Daniel darted to the side and headed for an arcade. It was dark and cramped in there, and the machines made a symphony of 8-bit sounds out of crackling decrepit speakers. The machines were huge. Daniel's head passed plastic joystick knobs and sticky red buttons. He pushed his way past the handful of giants in there and shot out the back into another part of the carnival.

He skidded to a stop in front of a large ride. Kids and adults sat in yellow seats that spun around a central axis, their legs dangled to and fro as the ride turned around and around so fast that they were lifted off the ground and rotated horizontally through the air. The ride made a loud whooshing sound, giddy screams of children rose and faded in the blink of an eye. One thin mean looking kid with a dirty bowl of brown hair stood out. He looked exactly like the lost kid from before except now he was a little a foot taller and a bit less gangly in the arms and legs.

Daniel looked over and saw a clown in a red and yellow jump suit with white pancake makeup wave at the passing children. The clown turned to a little boy and to give him a handful of red balloons. The mean kid kicked his heel against the metal underside of the seat and pried his foot loose from his shoe. He let it dangle just off his foot. A mischievous smile spread over his face as he timed the intervals of the ride, lined up his shot, and then kicked his foot forward and launched the shoe through the air. The mean boy's shoe rocketed through the air like a scud missile. The shoe smashed right into the clown's mouth and ricocheted away like a spinning top.

The clown's head snapped to the side and blood sprayed out from his lips. Black dots of blood painted the balloons and ran down its sides in long lines. Some of it even splashed onto a little girl and colored her vanilla ice cream cone a bright cherry red. The clown screamed and held his hand over his mouth as red ran down the front of his suit and fell onto the ground in thick drops. The boy cackled as the clown pulled his hand away from his mouth and stared at it in shock. His white glove was soaked red and Daniel could see small white teeth sitting in a pile of chunky pieces of flesh from his lips and tongue. The little girl finally overcame her shock and screamed aloud. The other kids screamed with her as the clown stumbled away into one of the shadows between two of the rides.

Daniel felt something cold and wet fall on his shoulders and he looked over to see drips of blood on his shirt. The drips became a drizzle, and within seconds blood poured down upon him from a red sky. The people in the carnival held out their hands and looked up at the sky, their pink shirts and white shorts soaked red and black. Some of them laughed, others grumbled but most merely went back to enjoying their night. Daniel felt another loose tooth and spat it out into his hand. Fuck not again! He moaned in his own mind and then jammed his hand into his pocket. He looked around and saw the blonde emerge from the arcade and jerk his head to the left and right. Daniel slipped back into the crowd and pushed his way deeper into the carnival.

Daniel cut sideways though a filthy dinning tent. Thick black mosquitoes hovered around the six hanging light bulbs, their glass burnt and soiled yellow by soot. About a dozen or so obese people sat at rotten wood picnic tables that was covered with a thick film of black grime. Their chins were red and they devoured chunks of burnt black flesh with their bare hands. At one end of the room a bloody human cadaver was strewn out over a metal prep table. Pink folds of flesh were peeled back and a fat sweaty chef in a stained apron cut out slick pieces of flesh and plopped them on a paper plate. The chef then handed the plate over to another cook who tossed the human meat onto a metal grill to cook them up for the patrons.

The sickly sweet smell of burnt human flesh made Daniel gag, and he stumbled out of the hallway in front of a looming hall of mirrors. Daniel pushed his way past groups of teens waiting in line into the house. It was dark and misty in there, and the mirrors were all lit up from the other side. In front of him he saw an older teenage boy, the same one who hit the clown in the face, walking hand in hand with a young blonde girl the same age. He slipped his hand into her back pocket and grabbed her butt. She let out a playful squeal and shoved him against one of the mirrors and kissed him. His hand slid up under her shirt. Daniel turned his head away and noticed the reflection in the mirror was no longer his.

Christina was standing there instead, her face a pallid void of expression. Her belly was swollen and she had dark circles under her eyes. She slowly raised her hand and pointed at him. Daniel moved away and her hand followed him until he was out of sight. He turned around a corner and saw Lauren now standing there with the same look and pointing gesture.

"Leave me alone!" he screamed at the mirror. Lauren's expression did not change, but a thin red line of blood leaked down from the top of the mirror and coated her reflection. "Fuck!" Daniel moved on and found Anthony pointing at him next. "Jesus Christ! Stop!" he turned a corner and now his grandmother was doing the same. "Fuck you withered old cunt!" he ran through the hall and saw his mother, Larry and worse of all, Sophie all pointing at him. Finally Daniel came to a last mirror and saw his father standing there in his exact posture. "I fucking hate you!"

"Of course you do. I am you." his father replied.

"No!"

"Yesss! Lie to yourself all you want, boy. But you know it's true. You hate me because, deep down inside, you know you are me."

"Go to hell!" Daniel smashed his fist into the mirror and shattered it into a thousand tiny pieces. His father just stared coldly at him from the falling shard.

"We're already there."

Daniel darted out of the house of mirrors and found a portable outhouse set up in the corner between two shacks. He ran inside and sat down on the seat. He buried his face in his palms and winced at the sour odor of urine and feces that wafted up from below him. Daniel felt himself on the edge of panic, but he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes to steel himself.

Keep it together, Danny. If you lose your shit now that asshole will definitely kill you. If he kills you...

He kills her.

His confidence returned and he went to stand up when he felt something cold and metal hit him in the gut. Surprised, Daniel pulled his hands away from his face to see he was now sitting in a roller coaster.

In front of him was that seem teenage boy and blonde girl from before. They were making out when the roller coaster kicked into gear and stuttered forward. The hydraulics hissed and the gears ground beneath him, a cold mechanical sound that sent shivers down his spine. The car hit a hard bump and angled upwards. The old rickety roller coaster climbed high into the sky, so high the crest was shrouded by white clouds. It was raining. Daniel heard a sob at his side and he looked over to see Christina sitting right there next to him.

"Christina." he mumbled and tried to reach over and comfort her, but the bar was pressed so tightly against his chest that he could barely move his arms. Christina leaned forward and sobbed again, pausing only to glance up at the couple in front of them. He looked back and the memory returned to him. "I-I'm sorry." he said pathetically. He looked over the side and realized that they were far up, several hundred feet at least. He heard a soft grunt and moaning and he turned his head forward to see the teen girl now sitting on the teen boys lap. They were fucking right there in the roller coaster. He then heard Christina cry out of pain and the wet sounds of metal sliding against something sticky. He turned back to Christina and saw that she was holding a straight razor blade in one hand while she sawed at other her wrist. Blood oozed out and gathered in a spreading puddle on the seat.

"Stop it!" he screamed at her but that only made her cut deeper. More and more blood squirted out of her wrist and sprayed in every direction. Some of it showered over the humping teens. Most of it squirted on him. He looked down to see the bottom of the car was filled with blood. "Oh my God stop it right now, Chrissy! Holy fuck please stop it! Now!" She cut even deeper, and now it was raining blood all over them. They were cloud level, and the world below looked tiny and unimportant. "I'm sorry, okay? Please Christina I'm sorry!" She stopped crying and looked over at him, her eyes wide with horror. "Please." She slowly opened her mouth and screamed.

Daniel felt the world fall out from beneath him and he glanced to his left to see that they had just crested the top. The track suddenly ended there as if half constructed, and he cried out in terror as it tottered over the edge and plummeted downward. It seemed the whole Earth was below them. They fell fast, so fast that his back was pinned against the seat and wind forced his lips curl back against his gums. Christina continued to scream at him, her head twisted grotesquely to the side. The world was coming up at them and Daniel felt very hot all the sudden.

The warm sensation turned into a low yet painful burn, like his entire body was being pressed against a grill. He screamed in agony as the metal of the roller coaster turned red then orange then white with heat. The metal bar and seat seared into body and cooked his flesh. He felt his skin blister and bubble then burn turn red and finally black. Christina did the same, and she kept on screaming as her skin, muscles, and organs and finally bones charred and then flaked away into nothingness. Even after she was gone the teeth of her mouth still remained, and her pained wail continued to drone on through the air. He screamed with her and felt himself disintegrate as the cart headed straight for the carnival tent.

There was nothing but the color red and pain. Daniel continued to scream long after the cart crashed and he felt his body smash to pieces against the ground. Then, slowly, the pain faded away and his vision returned. He laid on his back at the top of the tent, the red and white alternating lines converged on a black singularity center. He stopped screaming and took in a deep breath and shot up. He looked over his body and saw that he was whole again, though now he was naked. He looked around and saw shadowy figures in the audience all staring at him. Staring at it. He looked over to see the blonde girl now standing at the other end of the tent with his clothes in a pile in her hands. She had an angry yet satisfied smile on her face, and she tossed his clothing in the garbage, brushed her hands and walked off. All at the same time everyone in the audience laughed at him. Some even pointed at him. At it.

"Fuck you!" Daniel screamed at the laughing audience and ran toward the garbage can. Suddenly the circus began and a line of trapeze artists cut him off and boxed him in at the center. Each one wore a face of a girl he had a crush on or dated, and each one was laughing at him.

"Fuck you! Fuck you all! I hate you! I hate all you mutherfuckers!" he screamed. Daniel burst forward, his cheeks red and face streaked with tears. He tore his way through the circus folk and jammed his arm into the trash and pulled out his clothes. He quickly dressed himself and tripped over twice as he tried to pull his shorts onto his skinny legs. They laughed more.

"I hate fucking carnivals and I hate you all!" he bellowed and darted out the tent flap into the center of the carnival. Everything seemed to be back to normal again, and he looked around to see everyone staring at him again. "I hate you all!" They backed away and then he heard the gun go off.

The bullet ricocheted off a metal pole and sliced up the side of his face. He felt warm blood run down his cheek. He cried out and twisted as the blonde man pushed his way through the crowd and raised the gun. Everyone screamed and panicked.

"Mmmake Iiitt sssttoppp!" he hissed through his teeth. His mouth was pulled back in a grotesque wolfish smile. "Skiiiillll youuuuu." He fired again and hit a fleeing boy that ran in front of them. The boy dropped to the dirt without a sound. Daniel turned to flee but his ankle twisted and he fell to the ground with a loud thud. He screamed and grabbed his foot as the blonde man stumbled toward him like some deranged lunatic. Daniel felt paralyzed with fear as he realized the end was finally coming. He was going to die.

For real this time.

Sooty black and brown clouds of pollution rolled overhead as the blonde stopped a few feet in front of him. "Kkkiillll yyyyouuu!" he raised the pistol and pulled the trigger.

A gunshot snapped through air, but the blonde's head snapped to the side and he flipped onto his back. His body jerked spastically on the ground. His legs kicked and quivered as his hands flapped up and down in the dirt. The hand with the gun squeezed the trigger and the gun went off several times, three hitting the dirt and one into an abandoned tent. His eyes rolled up into the back of his skull and he coughed for a brief moment before he finally went still. Daniel stared at the body with dumb amazement and he slowly turned his head to see Sophie standing there with a gun in her hand.

"Get up." she said in a low, serious voice. Daniel shook and stared back at her, not understanding. "Get the fuck up right now!" He did and almost stumbled back down when he tried to put weight on his sprained ankle. "For God's sake!" Sophie wrapped her arm around his shoulder and led him away from the carnival grounds.

The hit men's white van was parked sideways in the grass, the black tires covered in green grass and the engine still tinked as it cooled down. Sophie threw open the passenger's seat and tossed him inside and then jumped into the driver's seat. Without saying another word she put the van into drive and roared across the plains. Daniel looked into the rear view mirror and watched the carnival lower into the horizon until it disappeared altogether.

Chapter Twenty Two

Minutes passed in silence. Daniel was still reeling from the events of the day and he was too jacked up on adrenaline to try to sleep. He kept looking over at Sophie who stared straight ahead. Her face was bunched up in an expression of fury or deep concentration. He was hoping it was the latter.

"That was fucked up." he said at last. Sophie didn't reply. "Fuck... I just... can't believe that all happened, you know?" he tried again. Still nothing. "Sophie..."

"Shut the fuck up!" she snapped. "Just shut the fuck up right now, okay?"

"I'm sorry." he said. She said nothing. "Sophie please..."

"Are you fucking retarded? I said shut up." her voice cracked and she let out a quick sharp sob. Sophie held her arm against her mouth to stifle another cry and took in several shaky deep breaths. "I can't do this anymore."

Sophie pulled over to the side of the road and sat there quietly in the driver's seat. They were on a rural Indiana road that was flanked by two rows of old poplar trees. One tree scraped its old haggard fingers across the top of the metal van. Sophie inhaled sharply and sobbed again and then sucked the snot back up her nose. Daniel reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. She screamed and batted his hand away and then punched him in the shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch..." she broke into full out tears and rested her forehead against the steering wheel. Daniel felt himself get emotional but sat there in silence. "It's all your fault!" she screamed. "It's all your fucking fault." She snapped her head back and stared up at the ceiling of the van. "She was so happy, you know? Lauren had a perfect life and we just fucking rolled in there and now she's fucking dead and it's all your fault!"

"You're right." Daniel said breathlessly.

"Shut up." she punched him again. "Just shut up! God Daniel why do you do this to people, huh? Why do you have to hurt everybody you come across?"

"I don't know." his voice broke.

"You selfish... fucking... asshole!" she hit him again. "You go... and you take a fucking drug no one's ever fucking heard of... and you start tripping and now people are trying to fucking kill us. Kill us, Daniel! And I had to shoot a man dead in front of a whole carnival of witnesses! The police are probably looking for us as we speak! I might go to jail for the rest of my life! And Lauren..." she let out a pained moan. "It's so typical of you, you know? You do something stupid and now people are fucking shooting at us! I never did anything bad in my life and now I have people trying to shoot me because of your stupid fucking shit!"

Daniel buried his face in his hands. He dragged them down his face and let out a long hiss.

"You're right, Sophie. You're right. This is all my fault. I can't deny it." he said. "All this is my fault. I know that now. And you're right about me hurting people. I hurt Lauren and Larry and Christina. Anthony died because of me." he confessed. "I deserve this and I don't deserve you." He spat at himself. "Janelle was right. I'm in hell and you are the only good thing in my life and I don't deserve you." he broke into a jaw-quivering sob. "I don't blame you for hating me, okay? Just drop me off and keep going, Sophie. Go home. Go to your family. Go to the police, I don't care just get as far away from me as you can before you get seriously hurt." he looked down. "I love you too much to let you get hurt anymore." Sophie slowly turned her head and stared right at him. She breathed through her nose for a few moments and then slapped him across the face.

Daniel cried out and turned to her, looking for answers.

"I came here... all this way... for you... and now you're asking me to just leave you, like this, on the side of the fucking road?" she asked incredulously. "After all we've been together?"

"I... thought you hate me?" he asked, confused.

"Hate you?" She laughed. "I don't hate you. I love you. That's why I'm here!" she shook her head and looked out the window. "I'm so fucking pissed at you right now I want to fucking scream, but don't think for a second that I hate you! God!" She huffed. "You're a changed man, I know that. You're not the same asshole you were when you took the drug. If you were I'd fucking shoot you myself? When you say you are going to quit drugs this time I know you mean it, but Jesus Daniel, can you blame me for wanting to knock your block off?"

"Not one bit." he quickly replied.

"You say I am the only good thing in your life. Well, guess what, I feel the same way. My life was shit before you. People either made fun of me or wanted to use me. My parents were assholes and the few friends I had turned against me when I lost weight. You, baby, you were the only thing that was real in my life. You stuck up for me when no one else would, and when we did get together you were there for me all the way up till the end. That's why I'm here. That's why I fight for you."

Sophie looked forward to the north. Daniel could see another lanky giant lumbering about. She swallowed.

"These people." she said. "These people killed my cousin. That alone makes me need to see this through. I want to know why. I want to know who hired them and I want to make sure they go to jail or..." she finished the thought by looking down at the gun in her pocket. "We should go to the police. Every rational thought in my being is screaming at me to just fucking find a cop and turn ourselves in. Let the government figure it out." she shook her head. "But then we'd never know who did this. Who killed her. Whoever it is they must have money and connections. If we just give up now then they will slink away into the shadows and do this to some other people. I can't let that happen. No matter what that means."

"What are you saying?" Daniel asked. "That you want to just storm in there and point that gun at the fucking receptionist and make them tell us what's going on?"

"If that's what it takes." Sophie said determinedly.

"No way. If it comes down to it let me do that shit. No point in throwing your life away for my shit."

"In case you haven't forgotten I just gunned down a man in front of a crowd of people."

"In self-defense. Remember?" Daniel pointed out. "Holding up hostages is another story. Let me do it if it comes down to that."

"I'm not giving you the gun." she said flatly. "You can barely tell fiction from reality anymore. The last thing you should do is use a fucking gun. I will take care of that part."

"But..."

"No butts. Period." she waved her hands in front of her. "This is how it's going down whether you like it or not, capiche?"

"Yeah. Got it." he said bitterly.

"Good. Let's find us a hotel before the cops find us."

***

Daniel laid in bed and stared up at the ink blotted ceiling. Roaches climbed across the chipped wooden furniture and the TV still had rabbit ears. It was the best hotel they could afford with what little money they had left. Sophie was still mad at him at first and even tried sleeping in her own bed, but after an hour of tossing and turning for both of them she ended up slipping into his bed and cuddled up next to him. She laid there sleeping with her head on his chest, their half-naked bodies covered in sweat. They took care to cover their tracks by hiding the van a few blocks away and hiding the keys under a rock outside so it couldn't be connected to them if the authorities did find it. Still, Daniel was paranoid that at any moment the police would kick in the door and drag them off into some unmarked government van. It was hard to sleep like that. Sophie's soft skin and warm body comforted him, though, and after a fitful hour of staring at the slinky ink blots and dancing roaches he finally fell asleep.

Sometime early the next morning Daniel woke up to pee. The toilet was overflowing but he just ignored it and went anyways. After that he washed his hands in the sink and looked at himself. He looked haggard and tired. Daniel hooked his finger in his mouth and pulled his lips back. Nearly half of his teeth were missing.

"Why the fuck do they keep falling out?" he asked himself. He lowered his head and saw the hair near his crown was thinning too. "Going bald too? Fuck." he wondered if it was the drug making him see that or if it was real. He splashed water against his face and gripped the porcelain sink. He thought about all that had happened and couldn't believe that things had gotten this far. She killed him. He thought to himself. She actually killed a man for me. He glanced over his shoulder at her and smiled. Wow. Now that is love. More than I deserve. That black cloud returned almost as quickly as it abated. They're trying to cover it up. That's why they're trying to kill us. So their crime isn't revealed to the world. Fuck. An even darker thought came to mind. Maybe I should just get this over with and kill myself. I can write a note and make sure she doesn't get in trouble and I can just waste myself to save her from this getting any worse.

But what if they still try to kill her after your gone? Another voice asked. Daniel winced. Good point.

Or was it?

Was he just trying to convince himself not to go through with it because he was afraid of dying? Or was he just that selfish and didn't want to give his life for her. No, I can't do it because I can't protect her when I'm dead. Another thought popped into his head. And what the fuck happened with that blonde guy back there? What did I do to him and how did I do it? What the fuck was that all about? Then, as if to answer, the television popped on.

A white glow filled the room and static hissed from the ancient speakers. A high pitch whining sound broke though the static, a strange alien sound he'd never heard. When the white glow faded from his eyes he found himself standing on what looked like a long flat plane of glassy blue water. The sky above was a darker blue, and both water and sky stretched into the horizon in every direction. The place had an eerie calmness to it, and beyond the cerulean blue sky above he could make out the tiny white pinpoints of stars.

It was me. A low voice echoed about him. I made him see his worst nightmares.

"Why?" was the first question that came to mind.

I need you alive.

"Alive?"

You only one who can save me.

"Who the fuck are you and what do you want?" Daniel half yelled. His voice echoed, but what it was bouncing off was anybody's guess.

I am the only one who can save you. Come to me Daniel Woldt. Come to me and I will make the nightmares go away. Save me and I will save you.

"Who are you?" he asked again. "How can I find you?"

You will be drawn to me. Drawn to the source. Follow the source.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

You will know. The TV popped off. The doom was dark again. Daniel shut his jaw and stared angrily at the television set.

"What the fuck does that even mean?" he asked again. Sophie rolled in her sleep. Daniel closed his eyes and felt something. He didn't quite know how to describe the feeling but the closest thing was an instinct. He slowly turned his body and the sensation grew until he faced north. "Like a compass." he said, understanding. "We have to keep heading north." He walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. More questions. All I keep getting are more questions. Still. He laid down and felt Sophie roll onto him. At least I know I'm getting closer to finding the answers.

***

"Do you think I should call my aunt Rena?" Sophie asked as she stared down at her phone. "She should know that her daughter is..." Sophie's voice broke. "... Dead."

"No." Daniel said firmly. "If you tell her before the news breaks she will know that you knew about it beforehand and make the police suspicious."

"Uh, honey, I don't think I exactly made our visit to Indianapolis a secret. I posted about it on Facebook." she swallowed. "That's probably how they knew about it in the first place." Daniel sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulder. She laid her head against his. "She should know about what happened to Lauren."

"Soon as they find her the police will start looking for us." he said. "If we want to get the Chicago and confront these assholes we want to make sure we do it before the police are looking for us."

"But she's there rotting in that grave." Sophie sniffed. "It's... just wrong."

"I know." he kissed her on the temple. "We're going to make it to Chicago tonight. She won't have to wait long."

"Yeah, but still." her chest heaved up and down. "It's wrong."

"Everything's that's happened to us was wrong." He stood up. "Come on let's go get some breakfast."

After eating at a greasy and unsatisfying meal at a fast food joint they hit the road and headed north. The instinct that Daniel felt grew steadily stronger with each passing moment. He knew that soon he would have the answers he'd been looking for. Very soon. Sophie was quiet still, her eyes trained on the road.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a while.

"Yeah." she replied nonchalantly. He knew she was lying.

"Is it what happened yesterday?" he asked stupidly.

"Yeah." she said again. He could tell she was hiding something.

"What is it?" he asked. Sophie squared her jaw and took in a slow deep breath.

"Now's not the time." she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Daniel, please..." she pleaded.

"You're scaring me." he said. He suddenly felt very paranoid. "Are you feeling anything weird? Did I infect you?"

"No." she said, but there was a quiver in her voice that he did not miss.

"What is it?" he asked again.

"Daniel, please..."

"Come on Sophie you can tell me."

"I'm pregnant."

Daniel's mouth dropped open.

"You... you are?" he asked.

"Yeah." she slowly nodded her head up and down.

"How do you know?"

"I missed my period. And when Lauren was running tests on my blood she found elevated estrogen levels and other hormones."

"Oh. Wow." he looked forward. "When did we..."

"The first night when we fucked on your couch. You didn't use a condom, remember?"

"Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I remember." he shook his head. "Wow. What should we do?"

"What do you mean what should we do?" she asked defensively. For a moment she looked like Christina. Daniel shook the vision away. "What, you want me to get rid of it?"

"No! I mean..." he let out a long sigh. "I would love to have a kid with you, but I'm infected, remember? What happens if the kid is infected too." she sighed this time.

"Didn't think about that." she said quietly.

"I want to have the baby." he said quietly to himself. She looked over at him again. "Let's just... let's just see where this goes, okay? If we can stop this... whatever this is then I would love to have a baby with you."

A smile slowly spread across her face.

"Okay." she said flatly but couldn't hide her grin. Daniel grinned back and swung his head around in disbelief. He felt a surge of hope flow through him. He always wanted a kid of his own and now he would have his chance. He wasn't going to fail, now. It's not even an option. His head was still swimming when the Chicago Skyline came into view. It was getting close to sunset by then and the metallic buildings looked splendid in the fading sunlight. They were on elevated concrete roadways so they were afforded a special view of the city from above. That instinct pounded in his head like a jack hammer. It's here. Daniel thought to himself. Whatever it is it's here. He looked over to say something when another van sped up next to them.

The hell? Daniel asked himself. The passenger rolled down his window and leaned out. He was a redneck looking fellow with a blue jean jacket, a red Pabst Blue Ribbon trucker hate and a shaggy brown beard and mustache. The man squinted his eyes and looked into their cab and then leaned back into the van.

"Oh my God Sophie hit the gas!" he screamed.

"What?" she asked as the man leaned out again and aimed a pistol. He fired, the loud pop lost in the rush of traffic. The bullet tore through the driver's seat window and whizzed right in front of their noses before hitting the metal frame of the passenger's door. "Oh my God!" she jerked the wheel to the right to avoid another pair of shots. Both bullets hit the side of the van. "Oh my God oh my God! What should we do?" Daniel grabbed the steering wheel with one hand and jerked it to the left. The van slammed into the other one as the man lined up his next shot. Both vans shuttered from the impact and the second van veered off and hit the median to the side.

Sophie screamed and hit the gas to accelerate faster. The van weaved back and forth to avoid other cars. Daniel looked back to see the blue van gaining on them again.

"They're coming again!" he screamed and gripped the door handle. The concrete road raised higher and higher into the sky, much higher than it should. The road also grew narrower, first dropping from four lanes to three and then too. The scenery swirled and shifted so now they were driving above a sea of sparkling blue water, the sky a tropical azure. The bridge became rusty and decrepit and wobbled dangerously below them. The van got closer and he could hear more pops as the passenger shot at their tires. "What should we do?" he asked frantically as they climbed so high he felt a sense of vertigo.

"Take the gun out of my fucking pocket and shoot them!" Sophie screamed as she jammed the wheel the right to avoid another blue Subaru. The van's tires sparked as they ground against the concrete walls.

"I thought you said not to use the gun..."

"Just shut up and do it!"

Daniel reached into her pocket and pulled out the gun. The blue van was quickly gaining speed, just two cars behind. Daniel watched as tropical day gave way to winter night and the dark blue water looked cold or forbidding below. The concrete dividers crumbled away so that only crooked pieces of rusted rebar was left to stop them from falling off the edge. They must have been at least a hundred, maybe two hundred, feet up and climbing. The van felt like it was veering out of control. Daniel shut away the fearful thoughts and concentrated. He leaned forward on the dash board and aimed the pistol. Ahead the bridge narrowed to a single lane of crumbling road. The city below them looked decrepit and sharp.

Finally the van came into view and the redneck leaned out. He fired first, the bullet grazed Daniel's arm. Daniel fired back and Sophie screamed out. The pop was so loud it deafened both of them. She reached up and put her hand over her eye to get the gunpowder out. The van veered toward the edge, the road now little more than a collection of metal girders that were falling away.

"I'm sorry." he apologized.

"Just fucking kill them!" she screamed as she popped open her other eye and took the wheel again. The blue van came into view for the last time and the redneck leaned out again and fired. Sophie screamed as a bullet tore into her arm. Seeing her in pain gave him focus and Daniel gritted his teeth, aimed and squeezed the trigger. The bullet sailed past the redneck and hit the driver of the truck in the head. The redneck looked over and yelled out in terror as his driver slumped forward onto the steering wheel. The van veered and slammed into the side of their van. Daniel and Sophie screamed in unison as the van slid to the right, hit the concrete edge and then drove over into the air above Chicago.

Time seemed to stop for a moment. A sooty clouded sky filled the windshield, and then in the blink of the eye all they could see was pavement coming at them. In another blink the van slammed bumper first into the street below. The force of the impact threw them back against their seats to the side and the van rolled sideways and, finally, came to a rest upside down under the overpass. Daniel blacked out for a moment and then he woke up. The world was blurry and red. He heard the distant crackle of broken glass and the steady tink of the engine block cooling off. Everything was dark. Daniel groaned and unbuckled himself then slumped down onto his back. He heard the door creak open and felt a strong hand grab his arm. He turned his head to see Sophie looking down at him.

"Get up!" Sophie screamed as she pulled him out of the car and onto his feet. His body ached and he had a cut on his head that bled down the side of his face. He felt groggy but she shook the fuzz out of his head. He focused on her and saw she was badly cut over her eye and had several other lacerations. She was bleeding profusely from the bullet wound on her shoulder.

"Nggg. Yyou okay?" he asked. She slowly nodded but he could tell from her eyes she was in shock. "Y-you're she-shot." He pointed to her arm. She looked over at it and her eyes went wide.

"Oh my God!" she almost screamed. She put her hand on her arm and almost fell over. Daniel caught her. "Daniel I... Oh my God he shot me!"

"It'ssss okay." he held her tight. "Don't worry, baby." They heard sirens blare through the city streets. "Here they come." Another pop echoed through the cavernous stretch of buildings like a firework going off. Daniel looked up to see the redneck handing over the edge of the overpass, his gun pointed their way.

The redneck lost had his hat his entire head and face was covered with blood. His head waved back and forth and Daniel could tell he probably had a concussion. The redneck fired again, the bullet hitting a brick wall across the street. Hatred filled Daniel's and looked around for the gun. He saw it laying in a heap of glass ten feet away. Daniel raced over there as a trio of bullets stitched the concrete. He swept up the gun and took aim. Twenty years of gun practice with his father steadied his hand and he squeezed the trigger. The gun popped and blood sprayed out of the top of the redneck's head. He slumped over and the gun fell to the ground and went off again with another bang. Daniel absentmindedly walked over and took the clip. Sophie cried out and he rushed over to her.

"They're almost here." he said soothingly. She nodded and coughed. "They'll take you to the hospital and we'll just turn ourselves in..."

"No." she said flatly. "You finish this."

"What, are you crazy?"

"You turn yourself in and we will never know who's behind all this bullshit. The hit men will keep on coming until we're fucking dead and Lauren's killers will get away with it. I'm not going to give those mutherfuckers a walk. You get them, baby. I know you can do it."

"But I don't want to leave you."

"I will be in the hospital. They're not dumb enough to walk through a goddamn hospital to get me, not when I tell the police that people are trying to kill me. You, you are the only one who can finish this."

"I can't do this without you."

"Yes you can. I know it, baby. I don't know how but a voice tells me that you will be okay. And I believe it. God I don't know why but I believe it. You can do it, Danny." She's hearing the voices now so she is infected. He thought glumly. Still, for some reason, that was comforting to him.

"Sophie..." he pleaded.

"Go, baby. Please go." she said. She wrapped her hand around his arm and pulled him close. The police sirens were almost on them. "I love you."

"I know." he said back and they both laughed and shared a long soft kiss. He let her go and backed away into the shadows.

Seconds later two police cars skidded to a stop by the wrecked van followed by an ambulance. Daniel watched as one of the officers bent over and spoke something into a radio and they stood protectively around her until the EMT's came up and put her on a stretcher. He watched her get placed into the ambulance and then they drove off with one of the police cars in tow. The remaining officer put police tape around the scene. Daniel turned around and faced the city. It looked huge and forbidding. Decrepit and swathed in dust-caked shadows and sooty pools of yellow light. The sky was filled with dirty brown clouds of pollution. It looked like a living nightmare. He was hurt and alone and felt like the world was against him.

But that wasn't going to stop him.

The answers he was looking for was right here in the city and he wasn't going to leave until he found them. Daniel wiped the sweat and blood from his eyes, took a deep breath, and stepped right into the gates of hell.

Part Four

Blood

Chapter Twenty Three

The city streets were dark and desolate. The buildings were made of dull gray and brown stone spider-webbed with cracks and fissures. The streetlamps flickered and bathed the crumbled concrete streets and sidewalks with sooty pools of yellow light. Garbage cans and dumpsters overflowed with rotting trash. All the windows were dark and broken with mouth-like rings of glass. Broken down cars hugged the curbs, their rotted tires pressed flat against the ground. A horny tom-cat yowled a lustful song into the night sky. Wind howled through the empty streets, and in the distance he could hear police sirens and gunshots. Filthy brown drops of acid rain fell over the city street and left a strong chemical odor that made Daniel's eyes water.

He walked cautiously down one of the sidewalks. A yellow-eyed crack addict peered at him from the shadows of a metal awning. The man reached up with a thin hand and scratched at his ashy skin. Daniel could see a ghostly woman looking down at him from one of the windows. She pulled her curtains shut and faded into the darkness of her apartment. Bass boomed from a car passing through a nearby street. Daniel wrapped his arms around his chest and pushed forward. Gun shots popped in another alley and he saw a pair of teens dart from the shadows into the street. Daniel looked over and saw the shoeless feet of another man sticking out the alley. Blood ran between the cracks of the sidewalk and tinkled down into a sewer drain. He couldn't tell if it was real or imagined.

Daniel didn't know exactly where he was going but felt himself drawn north. He shuffled into another alleyway and kicked an empty glass bottle aside. The glass clinked across the concrete and came to a rest next to a sleeping wino. The pale old man lifted one sleepy eye and then rolled over. Daniel walked up to a dirty wooden fence and peered above it. In the distance he could see Chicago's twinkling Downtown Skyline. That's where I need to go. He thought to himself. I know it. He plopped down on his feet and walked back down to the street. I still got miles to go, though. He felt a coldness flow through him and the terrain shifted.

Snow banks appeared on the sidewalk and lined the building tops and windowsills. The few people he did see walking about we were now wearing puffy black coats and low-brimmed hats. Daniel rubbed his shoulders and wished he had a coat. In the blink of an eye the snow disappeared and it rained again. The world dilated and then contracted. He felt dizzy and leaned up against one of the dead cars.

How the hell can I make it like this? He asked himself.

I will guide you. The voice spoke again, now much louder and clearer.

You again. Who the fuck are you and why do you keep talking to me?

Come to me and you will have all the answers you seek.

Where are you?

Close. Daniel stopped at a four way cross-walk. Across the empty street a teen girl in a black hoodie leaned hunched against a metal light pole, her head down and hood up. She raised her head and looked at him. Her eyes were dead. The walk sign turned white and he crossed the street. They passed each other and brushed shoulders, and he turned his head to look her in the eyes. Christina looked back.

"Christina!" he cried out and turned to say something else but she was gone.

A car honked its horn and Daniel raced to the other side of the walkway.

"Why do I keep seeing her?" he asked aloud. An old woman pushing a busted shopping cart cast her dull eyes on him and lumbered past. He walked past another alley and saw Christina again, this time sitting up against a brick wall next to a younger version of himself.

"I don't know about this, Danny. This shit is pretty serious." Christina hesitated.

"Come on, babe. It's the best high you'll ever have your life. I'm serious." he chided and reached over and put a lighter in her hand.

"But what if I get addicted? I don't want to get addicted."

"Just do it once and quit for a while. That's what I do. If you keep doing it then you'll get hooked."

"Danny..."

"Come on Christie. Just once. I don't wanna get lifted by myself."

"Oookay. Guess you only live once, right?"

Christina lifted a yellowed glass pipe and stuck what looked like a large chunk of salt into the end. She flicked the lighter and lifted it toward the pipe. The flame lit her pretty face, but as she inhaled, her pretty pale skin sagged and took on a gray color. Her eyes sunk into her sockets. He jerked her head violently while her chest heaved toward the sky, and she slowly blew out the blue-gray smoke. Crow's feet formed around her pink painted lips, and as they parted he could see her teeth had rotted and turned yellow. Christina closed her eyes and took in another deep breath, and in that moment every vein in her body seemed to pop out from under her skin.

"See." The younger Daniel said. "It wasn't so bad, huh?"

"No baby." Christina said, her head swimming with chemicals. "That wasn't bad at all."

Daniel winced and walked past the alleyway. The memory was fresh in his mind but he tried to ignore it. He'd been trying to ignore it for almost a decade. I did that too her. He thought bitterly to himself. I've been telling myself it's her fault for letting herself get addicted but that's bullshit. If I hadn't pressured her she never would have got addicted in the first place. The transformation of the pretty girl he once loved into the withered drug addict stuck in his mind like a bad after-image. She was sooo beautiful. And I made her ugly.

The sky shifted again. The sky became that crimson red he had seen the first time he had an episode and the clouds darkened to an inky black color. All the lights on the street flickered and then exploded with a loud pop. The bare wires hissed that left the faint scent of ozone. Daniel glanced back and forth, waiting for something to jump out and attack him. The lights in the hotel rooms to his right flickered on. He walked over and stood up on his tippy-toes to peer inside. He saw a plain hotel room with peeling tainted yellow walls, a soiled blanket-less bed and a single light bulb hanging down from the ceiling above.

He saw himself as a younger man fucking a pretty dark-skinned African American girl he knew in college. Their naked bodies were covered in sweat and the girl moaned and tossed her head to the side as he thrust inside her. She kissed his shoulder and tasted his salty skin and then screamed again. Daniel looked up and saw Christina in the corner sitting on a worn wood chair watching the scene as tears streaked down her face. The memory flashed in his mind like another after image, the yearlong affair with Milena playing in the blink of an eye. Then came the moment when Christina walked in on them fucking on her bed, her chasing the girl with a knife and then stabbing Daniel in the shoulder. He felt the pinch of the blade and looked over to see blood ooze out from above his armpit and stain his shirt.

He walked past that hotel room and looked into the next window. Now Milena watched him fuck Stephanie, a thick Asian girl with glasses and a Korn tattoo on her lower back. The memories of him flirting with her during their Civics class played in his mind, as did the secret dates, the concert they attended together and then all the times they had sex on the sly until Milena finally caught them. As that part came to mind Daniel saw Milena stand up from the chair, pull a baseball bat away from the wall and beat on to two of them. He felt every blow to his back and cried out and fell to his knees.

Daniel walked past more rooms and saw more girls he cheated on with other girls. Half of them were Christina as their on-again of-again relationship flared up and petered out repeatedly over a span of ten years. She loved him. He loved her too, but in the end, he loved himself more. God how can I be such a douche-bag? He thought to himself. I hurt all these girls and for what? What did I ever get out of it? Then the last time Christina came to him played in the final room. Daniel sat on the bed, waiting, when she opened the door and stepped inside.

"What do you want?" he asked impatiently. "You look like hell."

"Feel like hell." she said sadly. "Baby life is hell without you. The ice's got me bad, Danny. I need you. You're the only think that makes sense anymore, like the one ray of sunshine on a cloudy day that won't stop raining."

"You and your fucking poetry. Well it's too late for that shit anyway." he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I need you!"

"You need more rock. That's it. That's all that matters. I bet your just here to get some more money, right? To guilt trip me into hooking you up."

"No!" she walked up and put her hands on his face. "I'm gonna stop, baby. Just you watch. But I need you, Danny. You can help me. I never loved anyone but you and I'm only happy when we're together."

"Looked like you were loving Joe Ratchman at Sid's Party last week." he snarled.

"Baby I didn't love him. I just need some money for some ice, okay?"

"So now you're a whore too?"

"Fuck you!" she shoved him onto the bed. "You made me into this hole, you jerk-off! You dug it right open for me and now you're giving me shit for getting stuck in it?" she walked a few steps away and spun around on him. "And what's all this jealousy shit about Joe? You fucking cheated on me with like nine or ten other girls and you get pissed because I fuck one dude just so I can get a little ice that you got me hooked on?"

"Goddamn it when are you going to stop blaming me for that?"

"When you finally fucking admit that it is your fault."

"No!" he roared and stood up. "It's your fault you're fucking weak. It was your decision to keep on doing it, not mine, so get out of here with that shit." Christina teared up.

"I just want you back! Please Daniel I'll do anything I just want to be with you again! Forget the past let's just focus on the future!"

"Its over." he echoed in a low tone.

"But what about last Tuesday? I thought..."

"I wanted to get laid. Karen wasn't putting out and you were there. End of story." he said flatly. She sniffled and stumbled back a step.

"I don't know what happened to the sweet boy I fell in love with all those years ago but it's definitely not you! You're horrible, you know that? You're a horrible person and I never should have talked to you that day!"

Daniel stood up quickly and for a moment she thought he was going to hit her. Instead he got right into her face, their noses centimeters apart.

"At least I know what I am." he growled. "I don't blame other people for my problems, like you. I may be an asshole but at least I'm not weak." Christina's jaw trembled and she pulled back her hand and slapped him across the face. The slap reverberated throughout the empty hotel room and Daniel felt the sting of her hand on his own face. It hurt more than a baseball bat ever could.

"You think you're strong but you're wrong." she spat in his face. "There's nothing weaker than being selfish. Think about it, asshole. Think about how unhappy you are. If you're only concerned about making yourself happy than why are you so goddamn miserable all the time, huh? Why do you hurt? I think it's because, deep down, Daniel, it hurts you to hurt others. I think you are so scared of letting anyone get close you push them away. That's why you only trust yourself and care about yourself. I hope someday you realize that before it's too late." A tear streaked down her face and she and slammed the door and left. The younger Daniel stared at it for a long while and then sat down at the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands.

Daniel walked past the last hotel room and slipped around the corner of the building into the alley next to it. He leaned his back against the damp brick wall and slid down, the memory of that moment playing over and over in his mind. All these years he never admitted it but those final words of Christina really hit home. He was angry at her and even hated her for it, but deep down inside, he realized she was right. All his life he was selfish, all his life he did whatever he wanted and didn't give a fuck who it might hurt in the process. And he was never happy because it.

Daniel reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture of Sophie and kissed it. Christina's words changed the way he viewed and treated women. That's why things were different with Sophie. He wasn't perfect and made a lot of mistakes but, for the first time, he tried being a good considerate boyfriend to a girl.

"And I still ended up hurting you." he said to the picture. "After everything." He thought of her laying in the hospital. God knows what injuries she suffered from that fall, not to mention getting shot.

I got her shot! He thought woefully to himself. God I suck! He pushed himself up off the wall. I can't let anything else happen to her. I have to finish this and protect her. No matter what.

A colorful bus hissed and pulled over by the curb. The bus was brightly lit with hard white light, and inside sullen faced passengers staring blankly forward. The word UPTOWN flashed in neon green in the front of the bus. The door squealed open and two people in dark hooded sweatshirts jumped out and took off down the street. Daniel looked back over his shoulder at the distant skyline and then headed for the bus. He climbed the stairs and plunked a quarter into the coin machine. The faceless driver didn't even bother to look at him.

Daniel shuffled down the aisle past rows of blue plastic seats with cheap felt-like upholstery. Everything looked bright and surreal, like he was in some movie-set with perfect lighting and stone-faced actors. He plopped down on one seat and stared out the window. He tried to ignore the smell of stale body odor and dried urine. The bus jerked to the left and lurched forward into traffic. Wet cityscape passed in a blur of dull pavement and wet neon. He leaned his head on the cold window and closed his eyes. He was exhausted and scared and worried for Sophie. Daniel didn't even care about his own wellbeing anymore. He just wanted to make sure she was safe. He felt himself start to drift.

***

He was standing in a room of white. Everything was white; the walls, floor, ceiling, cabinets and machinery. Soft light bled from round halogen lamps on the ceiling. Near the center of the room was a long thick chamber much like an iron lung. Long thick tubes of white rubber jutted out of both ends and the sides and led to a trio of big square machines with blinking lights. The machines hummed like a vacuum. A handful of scientists in white lab coats and matching shirts and trousers walked back and forth taking notes from the machines or peering into a glass window display. They wore breathing masks over their faces and latex gloves. Daniel walked over to the machine in slow measured steps. The scientists were oblivious to him. He walked up to the large chamber and stood up on his tippy toes to peer inside. What he saw made no sense to him; just a mess of milky white tubes balled together in a thick lump in the center. The tubes were opaque and covered in a slimy sheen of...

What?

The tubes started to move and slide over one another like the coils of a snake. He watched fascinated as the tubes parted revealing something darker inside. Something he could not quite see.

Then it opened.

It was an eye but like no eye he had seen before. No wait, he had seen it before. The eye was a brilliant bio luminescent yellow and a black slit formed in the center and yawned open. A third piece, a gray pupil, twisted open from within the slit like the iris of a camera. The eye rolled around to look at everything around it and then focused on him and he felt a tingle in his brain and a strange idiosyncratic thought bloomed within the neurons and synapses.

Help me Daniel Woldt.

***

Daniel's eyes popped open and looked in the direction of the city, the strange dream still lingering like autumn fog. It was closer now and he felt something strong burn in his chest. Anticipation? Fear? Reluctance? No, desire.

Desire for what?

He heard a low scratching sound behind him and he looked over his shoulder. In the back of the bus he saw a teenage version of himself sitting next to a window. Pure sunlight shone through that window and bathed his teenage self in its warm glow. His teenage self was staring forward at the back of a tall leggy blond girl's head as she giggled and shoved her friend. His hand was in his pants and he was slowly and quietly masturbated as he stared at that girl.

Daniel closed his eyes as the memory came back to him. It was a confusing time and he was always horny. His father was arrested for masturbating in public and everyone made fun of him for it. And then, for some reason, he did it himself on the back of the bus. No one caught him, though the sheer fear of getting caught titillated him more than the act himself or even the girl. He never really understood why he did it that day and he never did it again, but still, the memory lingered.

"You're just like me." His father's voice echoed in his head.

"No!" Daniel protested and covered his ears. He heard more scratching and he looked up to see everyone on the bus was staring at him, their eyes filled with cold desire. Their wrists bobbed in their laps and they grunted and drooled and swallowed and coughed. "Stop it!" he screamed. They didn't, just continued to stare and fondle themselves.

"I got to get out of here!" Daniel pulled the plastic string and the bell rang. The bus pulled over and he burst out of the door onto the sidewalk and fell to his knees. In front of him was the concrete steps of a church and he raised his gaze to see a tall black man in a black suit wearing priest's collar. He held a Bible in his hand, one arm raised to the sky. His eyes were hidden in the shadows of his hat, and behind him a dark yellow light poured through the arched entrance way to the cathedral.

"The time is upon us brothers and sisters! The sixth seal has been broken and the world will soon be in God's sweet grace!" he pontificated. Behind him Daniel could see a golden pentagram hanging over an inverted crucifix, the blood dripping down from Jesus' wounds onto a trio of groveling old women. "It says it right here brothers and sisters! Revelations chapter six verse twelve. And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood. And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains. And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb. For the great day of his wrath is come. and who shall be able to stand?"

Daniel stared numbly up at the old man and turned away. He continued down the street trying to ignore the ranting and raving preacher. He heard a chain link fence rattle and looked over and noticed the street sign. 11th Street and Milwaukee Avenue. He looked down. The memory came back.

Southside Chicago on the intersection of 11th Street and Milwaukee avenue. Janelle repeated in his mind.

This is it. This is where Janelle bought the drug. He walked cautiously, his hands in his pocket. There was a large brown brick building, an abandoned school, next to the intersection. Another big building on the other side ran the length of the avenue, casting the entire street in thick dark shadows. A twisted chain-link fence boxed in a small playground that had been abandoned long before the school.

The grass was half as tall as a man and yellow from poor saturation. Rotting sea-saws, a pair of chipped plastic riding horses on crumbling springs and a merry-go-round so rusted it was completely brown poked out of the grass. Everything else was obfuscated by shadow. In the shadows he could see the silhouette of a lumpy dark-skinned man leaning back against the wall. He wore a black t-shirt and dark jeans, and every once in a while the glowing ember of his cigarette lit up the whites of his eyes. Daniel glanced back and forth and stumbled forward across the street toward the playground.

"Can I help you?" the man asked in a suspicious voice.

"I'm looking for something." Daniel breathed. "Brown."

"You a cop?"

"No I aint a cop. I just want to know if you got some of that new brown shit."

"You talking h, nigga? Wet?"

"No, the new shit. The stuff that makes you fly for days." Daniel pressed. The man looked left and right and rubbed his dry hands together.

"Don't sell that no more."

"Why?"

"Because my clientele ain't come back, you feel me? It ain't good business."

"Where do you get it?"

"I ain't telling you that. Fuck off, nigga. Now!" The drug dealer waved his hand at him and looked around again.

"Tell me. Now." Daniel said firmly. The drug dealer's eyes rolled back to him and he lifted the front of shirt to show a black Beretta pistol in the waist band of his pants.

"Bounce. Now." he repeated in a low voice. Daniel's eyes went wide and he drew his gun and jammed it under his chin.

The drug dealer opened his mouth to scream but Daniel covered it with his hand. The dealer's breath was hot and wet against his skin.

"Where. Did. You. Get. It?" Daniel asked again.

"Okay okay man. Put down the piece yo. I'll tell you!" he said.

"Quietly." Daniel said and took a step back, the gun still aimed at the man's chest.

"I got it from this white bitch, okay? Some tall teacher looking lady with glasses and shit. Ain

t got her name, homie so don't go jumping on me about that."

"Where did you get it?"

"Skeeter, man. My supplier. Lives uptown. He said this white bitch's working with chemists or some shit and made some real crazy designer shit. Shit that goes on for days, man. Days. She wanted to give samples to the dealers to make the locals go wild, know what I'm saying? Said they'd go nuts for this new shit so we sold em."

"How many did you sell?"

"I don't know. Like three, maybe four? None of them came back, though. They all disappeared or went fucking crazy and got taken in by the police and shit. I told the white bitch I ain't selling it no more. Bad for business."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't say nothing, man. She just be like 'it's cool' and left. Just like that! Usually when you tell your suppliers you out of the game they threaten you and shit. No, man, this bitch fucking thanked me and that was it."

"Where is your friend Skeeter?"

"I don't know, man! He disappeared on me! Fucking got me bugging watching over my shoulders all the time and shit. Man, what's this all about?"

"I don't know but I'm going to find out. Now give me your ammo."

"Come on, man. Why?"

"Because I'm going to need it more than you."

The dealer reluctantly handed over the clip of his gun and Daniel tucked it away. He backed away from the dealer and took off down the street. As he looked up he noticed the clouds were gone and the sky was the same blank blackness he saw before except for the moon. It was now a red dish that swirled and sloshed around like it was made of water.

Or blood.

He felt something heavy upon his shoulder and glanced up and saw that the moon was larger than before and getting bigger by the second. Like it was falling to Earth.

Daniel froze up and then sprinted forward as the moon grew larger and larger, now a quarter of the sky. The ground rumbled and shook below him. He stumbled but managed to keep his balance and kept on running. Where was he running too? He felt heavier still and didn't have to look up to see the moon. It was now half the sky, its surface a teeming ocean of crimson fluid. The craters were eddies and whirlpools. He looked up again to see people caught in the waves, their little arms held up and flailing about as they tried not to drown in the thick viscous fluid. Daniel's back bowed down and he trudged on as the moon now covered three quarters of the sky. The ground shook violently and the buildings around him trembled and crumbled to pieces. The streets ripped open and was torn asunder.

The moon now pushed its way through the atmosphere and was now bearing down at him like some doomsday comet. He ran and ran because he didn't know what else to do. The curved surface came closer and closer, now at the top of the buildings. He looked up again to see other things swirling in the blood; intestines. Hearts. Kidneys. Livers. Lungs. Spiders. Worms. Shit. And people. The smell of copper and viscera filled his nostrils and he held his breath as its shadow swallowed him in its looming darkness. It was at his back and he felt sticky globs of bright red blood fall over his shoulders and into his hair. Then he felt the wet surface push against his back. He tried to cry out again as the crimson sphere swallowed him whole and sucked him in. He felt every disgusting thing on Earth brush past him as he was drawn into a cyclone of blood. He twisted in time to see the center, a yellow eye with a slitted pupils and a gray iris. A mouth opened in the center and he screamed while the eye swallowed him whole.

Chapter Twenty Four

Daniel felt himself get sucked through a long dim tunnel deep inside the moon. Daniel realized that it wasn't just a tunnel but the intestinal lining of some enormous creature. Just beyond his vision he could see large bizarre organs pumping and throbbing through the veiny, translucent flesh. There was a great network of tubes connected to a thick sloppy bag-like thing with folds of flesh that expanded and contracted as it pumped fluids from one part of the creature to another. The was also a long thin complex network of fibrous tubes and nerves connected to some center mass, a greenish pock-marked thing that jostled around like the flywheel of a machine. There was a long coiled cinnamon bun-like thing set on top of a slick mass of dark flesh that was covered by a web of veins and arteries. Then he saw a big mass of blue flesh with trumpet like protrusions that exhaled clouds of reddish doughnut-shaped things into a puckering mouth like organ. Daniel screamed in his own head as he passed these massive things. It was a primal fear he felt, not the fear of one's life but something just as deep and powerful.

Fear of the unknown.

Daniel felt himself pass through a stomach like organ, down another series of tight, fleshy tubes until he was excreted out of the thing. He landed onto a hard, damp ground. He screamed and thrashed about.

Calm yourself. The voice instructed. Daniel couldn't stop screaming. Calm yourself. Now. Daniel finally shut his mouth and rolled over onto his belly. He buried his face in his arms and sobbed until he exhausted himself.

What the fuck is happened to me? What the fuck was that? He frantically screamed in his own head.

You are seeing pieces of me.

Why am I seeing this crazy shit?

Our memories are overlapping.

What does that fucking even mean?

You need not worry. It is over now. He pulled his head up and realized he was staring at what looked like light blue tarp. He breathed hard, long strands of spit dangling from his lip and he slowly pushed himself up. He looked around and found himself in what looked like a massive warehouse. The entire length was covered in the blue tarp and he could see pools of water spread out here and there. No, not tarp. His slip and slide he used to play with as a kid.

"What the fuck? Where the fuck am I?" he asked.

I don't know. Our memories are overlapping but the thoughts are incompatible. The symbols and archetypes are different. The voice explained. Daniel groaned and held his head.

"Wait... what? I don't understand anything that is going on!" he screamed. "I'm so fucking confused!"

Do not question what you see. Logic and comprehension hold no sway in this world. Just continue making your way to me and all will be well.

He growled and pushed forward. The lofty ceiling of the warehouse was cast in shadow and the walls and support beams were made of rusted metal. The slip and slide room went on far longer than it should. He heard a sloshing sound and walked past a brown octopus thrashing in a shallow pool of water. Its mouth opened and closed as if trying to breathe. Daniel continued forward until he finally came to a door and opened it. Fresh bright sunshine shone through, and he had to shield his eyes as he stepped out into the summer air.

Daniel looked around, confused. He stood in a well-kept backyard somewhere in the suburbs of Chicago. The sun was bright and the sky was an endless blue expanse dotted with puffy white clouds. Lush green grass and blooming trees scented the air with vitality. Birds sang, insects chirped and dogs barked behind straight picket fences. There was a shed in the backyard with a pleasant burgundy tiled roof with freshly painted wooden walls and windowsills. Daniel stood on a wooden deck and he covered his eyes to look beyond the handful of yards beyond the one he was in. All he could see was empty sky. He lowered his gaze to the horizon and squinted harder to get a clearer look. He saw what looked like a massive cliff that ran from horizon to horizon and in the far distance.

He hopped down from the deck and ran to the fence to get a better look. The cliff was not only long but deep and wide; perhaps a miles wide and, looking down, hundreds of feet deep. The sides of the cliff was made of a rich brown soil, and at the bottom a small blue river snaked along its twisting edges.

"Whoa. That is fucking crazy!" he said to himself as he felt the enormity of the cliff. It was so wide and deep that he felt like he was going to be swallowed by its sheer size. Something glinted out of the corner of his eye and he turned around to see something tall and thin that pointed up out from the canopy of trees. He pushed leaves aside and walked over to see what looked like a tiny rocket ship situated right in the center of the backyard. It was maybe sixty feet tall and six feet wide with a metallic coating and a small glass bubble cockpit. Rocket engine cones were suspended feet off the ground and the whole thing was held up by a metal stand.

Daniel walked over and placed his hand against the warm metal of the rocket and felt the power inside. This is my rocket! He thought to himself. I remember when I used to fantasize about building this thing and flying away from everything. He smiled. I can't believe it's here! He reached up and pushed the secret button on the side. The cockpit flipped open and a ladder extended out. He put one hand on a rung and lifted a foot onto the bottom but stopped. No. He thought to himself. He looked up at the green leaves that brushed against the side of the cone. I can't run away this time, no matter how much I want to. I have to stop this before it gets any worse. He stepped down and closed up the cockpit. He then slapped the side of the rocket three times and took a step back. The engines whined and let out a loud whoosh that shook the ground. The rocket wobbled back and forth for a moment than slowly rose off the ground and then blasted off into the sky.

He watched it disappear into the blue and become little more than a white streak in sky. Daniel let out a sigh, well aware of the symbolism of the event. The rocket was his last chance to escape and run away from his problems like he always did. Not this time. He turned around and walked back to the fence. He noticed that the big cliff ran all around in every direction, encasing him in big expanse of land. The skyline of Chicago stood in the distance like a mountain range made of metal and glass. The sun dipped low in the sky, which then took on a golden-gray color. Lightning Bugs and Dragonflies danced around him and he was drawn in by the beauty of the scene.

He looked up and saw the unusual cloud drift in front of the sun. It had a strange angular shape to it and looked like one of those Aztec decals carved into the stones outside a South American temple. A square-shaped skeleton took form, its rocky jaw jutted out and bony hands wrapped around a sword. The skeleton was rimmed with a halo of gold, its eye a fiery sun. White and gold. Purity and richness. Life was effervescent. Life was fleeting. Death is a floating thing that... the symbolism was lost on him, something just beyond his grasp of comprehension. His quiet ruminations were brought to an abrupt end when he heard a loud bang behind him.

Daniel jumped in his shoes and spun around. He saw a red pick-up truck stuck up out of the ground, its hood buried feet into the grass and soil. The windows were shattered and the metal was smashed and crinkled. The back tires spun and the engine tinked.

"What the fuck?" Daniel asked aloud as another vehicle, this time a champagne colored Mercury Sable fell from the sky and slammed next to him so hard it shook the ground. "Holy shit! What the fuck!" He looked up to see a network of shiny silver objects in the sky like stars.

No, not stars.

One of the dots grew bigger and darker, and in the blink of an eye, a large black SUV plummeted down from the sky and smashing into the ground twenty feet off with a loud boom.

"Holy shit! Holy shit!" he screamed as two more fell down followed by a third.

His first instinct was to run inside but a green Volvo slammed into the house and destroyed the kitchen. He looked around and bolted. He covered the distance to the back fence as two more cars hit the ground near him. He swung his legs over the fence and ran across his neighbors open backyard as more vehicles rained down all about him. A shadow fell over him and he deftly dodged to the side as a semi-truck, trailer and all, smashed in the ground where he was standing. He scrambled to his feet and continued across the yard. Nothing but fear guided his path and drove him forward. He stumbled and pivoted around more crashing vehicles, and then leaped over the fence onto the street and ran the length of the block.

He was terrified beyond reason, so scared that tears ran down the side of his face. His heart galloped like a stallion in his chest. He ran down the empty street as cars, trucks and tractors rained down all around him. They crashed into houses, blew out garages, demolished yards and sent sprays of concrete in every direction. He ran and ran on nothing more than instinct until a huge building complex rose up in front of him. He did not know why but somehow he was sure that he would find refuge there. As he ran a large metal object soared through the sky amidst the falling cars. He shielded his eyes and realized that it was a jetliner and it was headed right for him.

"Fuck!" Daniel cried and ran forward. The enormous thing loomed as it grew before his eyes, its massiveness threatening to swallow him whole. He screamed and looked up as the plane soared just above his head, the metal so close the wind below knocked him off his feet onto his back. Daniel twisted around and looked behind himself as the plane hit the ground and skidded across the concrete street, its wings decapitating several buildings until it slid on its side and rolled into a shopping center. There was a loud explosion and a ball of fire rose up into the sky and gasped into a cloud of gray smoke. Daniel breathed hard for a moment, trying to comprehend everything that was happening when another loud crash jolted him to his feet and drove him forward again.

Airplanes then plummeted from the sky instead of cars. Long tails of gray smoke twisted in their wake as they angled right toward him. Daniel kept on running as planes smashed into buildings, trees and streets. One planes buzzing engine popped off its wing and spun in the air right at him. Daniel dropped onto his belly as the chopping blades whined just over his head. He pushed himself forward and kept on running. The apartment building grew up before him, a big gunmetal blue thing with shiny square windows and granite trim. He burst through the front door as a plane slammed into the side of the building next to him with a loud explosion. It was dark in there. The only light bled in through the windows from the fading sun. He ran to the stairs and went up despite all reason telling him to go down.

The building shook and metal wings sliced through walls and windows as he sprinted up the stairs. A loud sucking sound roared outside, and his instincts told him to turn left into an apartment building. It was a plain empty room with shaggy gray carpet, blue walls and white wooden doors and closets. He turned his head right and looked out the sliding glass door to see a huge gray tornado spinning in an empty baseball field. Cars and trucks were sucked into the funnel from the street as planes were drawn in from the sky. The vehicles all swirled around inside the tornado until they were ejected from the top. They soared through the sky before falling down upon the city. Daniel stared at the tornado with a determined look on his face.

"I'm not afraid of you." he said in a low voice. The tornado screeched and moaned. "I'm not afraid of you anymore! Don't you fucking get it? I'm over you now!" The tornado thrashed back and forth in protest but gradually slowed down. It let out a long mournful wail and then finally spun apart to leave little more than a wet mist over the field.

Daniel took in a deep breath and leaned forward and put his forehead against the cool glass. He closed his eyes and felt tears run down his cheeks. The adrenaline finally stopped surging through his veins and he felt a moment of exhaustion wash over him. What the fuck was that all about? Nothing makes sense! I... I don't know how much more of this shit I can take? He asked himself. He heard a scratching sound behind him and glanced over his shoulder. The back wall was busted open, and inside he saw a maddening tangle of wires, cables and vacuum tubes that twisted and turned over one another like wild snakes.

He walked over and looked down into the shadowy depths to see miles and miles of wire, a system so complex it baffled his mind. The wires suddenly jutted forward and thrashed at him like tentacles.

"What the fuck now?" he screamed and stumbled back a step. He looked to the left and right but saw nothing but a writhing mass of wires and tubes snaking at him from all directions except one.

The window.

Daniel let his instincts take over and ran to the window and leaped through the air. He brought his elbows up in time and smashed through the glass as an army of wires scrapped at the bottom of his shoes. He screamed from the pain as he soared over the balcony and then plummeted toward the ground below.

The feeling of weightlessness was almost too much, and he thought he was going to pass out before he hit the ground. He hit the ground so hard he felt all his bones crack and turn to jelly. He screamed in agony and rolled onto his back. He focused through the pain and concentrated hard.

"This isn't real!" he screamed at himself through clenched teeth. "Danny this isn't real! Ignore the pain!" Slowly he felt his bones solidify and knit themselves back together. His body ached but he wasn't about to give up yet. Daniel pushed himself to his feet and looked around. It was getting closer to sunset now and he knew he had to get moving before it became dark. Why? He had no idea but he just knew if the sun set something was going to get him.

Daniel heard a rumbled and the cracking of twigs and branches. He half turned to see a huge walking tree turn the corner. It had hollow pumpkin eyes and a mouth of jagged teeth in the center of its trunk. Two of its long branches acted as imposable arms and fingers, long gangly things that gnashed at the air around it. The tree looked over at him with its glowing yellow eyes and its mouth creaked open. It made that same horrible inhale scream as the spider in his basement. It stumbled forward and reached to him with its lanky arms.

"You got to be fucking kidding me!" Daniel screamed and ran as the tree stomped after him, shaking the ground with each step. He ran across the field into another empty street lined with pleasant houses on either side. More trees pushed their way from between houses and alleyways and took up the chase with the first. He glanced back over his shoulder at the army of tree-people and screamed some more. This is fucking crazy! Jesus fucking Christ! He ran and ran from the tree monsters down more streets and alleyways and looked up to see another rocket glinting in the fading sunlight. This one was much larger, at least a hundred feet in height and maybe ten feet wide. Instinct drove him toward the rocket and he cut between a pair of alleyways.

Daniel pushed himself up against a brick wall and watched the tops of the tree monsters march through the streets just blocks away over the top of the buildings. His clothes were plastered to his body by sweat, his eyes wide and wild. He tried to control his breathing so they wouldn't hear him. Tree monsters? Seriously? What the fuck? He lamented. What is wrong with me? Daniel closed his eyes and waited for the pounding to grow distant. He opened them again and focused on the tip of the rocket. It was maybe five blocks away. Daniel didn't know why but he knew that he had to get to the rocket to get away from the tree monsters. His instincts haven't lied yet. He was tired and his joints ached but he knew he could make it. He had to.

Daniel kicked off the wall and sprinted forward. He heard the tree monsters creak and take up chase. The ground trembled below and the constant boom-boom-boom of their footfalls shook the nearby buildings. Their branches creaked and he felt sharp scrapes of twigs on the back of his neck. He blew through an intersection and then between a pair of shopping centers. He screamed in terror as he felt their ropy hands snatch at his feet and arms. The rocket loomed higher and higher before him. He was close. Daniel finally came to another baseball field, this one march larger, with the rocket in the center. The rocket was painted white with an American Flag decal on the side.

Daniel jack-knifed over the chain link fence and ran right for the rocket. The fence clinked and crashed as the tree monsters stomped over it in pursuit. Daniel ran up and slapped the rocket on the side. A hollow thud reverberated up and down the metal frame and he felt energy surged through his hand. The engines made a loud whine as one of the monsters wrapped its twiggy fingers around him and lifted him off the ground. Red embers belched out the black cone beneath the rocket and he felt a big whoosh of hot air rush out of the cone. He thrashed and screamed is it brought him up to its mouth and tossed him inside. Its sharp teeth stabbed and impaled him. He felt warm blood seep through his shirt and run down his body. One stake pierced his left eye and another his throat. Outside the dark, mossy smelling mouth he could hear the engines roar to life.

An immense heat rolled over the both of them and the monster stopped chewing. A white light filled the mouth and then he was burning. He wished he'd let the tree just chew on him instead as his whole body was immolated and he felt himself fall painfully to the ground. The tree disintegrated into embers around him. Daniel screamed and rolled across the ground, his flesh popping and bubbling like lava. His skin sloughed off his body and formed a gelatinous puddle on the ground around him. The agony was overwhelming, and he thought he was going to die again but then it just stopped.

Daniel popped open his eyes to see that he was whole and unhurt. He curled into a ball and continued to scream until the terror subsided. A Smokey haze hovered around the field, and he shakily looked around him to see the charred corpses of the tree monsters. He looked up and saw the rocket high in the sky, a white stream of exhaust trailed from behind. The rocket arched to the left and disappeared into the blue. He pushed himself to his feet and braced himself against the blackened metal stand that once held the rocket. Daniel's mind was muddled, still deeply in shock from the horrifying pain he just felt. God. God. God. God. When will this end? When will this fucking end? That's when he felt a flash of light behind him.

Daniel turned around to see a great white fireball rise up into the sky and then bloom out in an oily black mushroom cloud. A rainbow of colors stitched themselves into the pillowed creases of the bloom. White rings of smoke rolled across the suburbs and leveled everything in its path. The ground rumbled and the explosion roared through the sky. Daniel spun behind the charred pole and braced himself as a searing wind lashed at the ground and his exposed skin. He cried out but stopped himself from breathing in any of that vile wind. Then everything went still and looked behind himself to see the mushroom cloud slowly rising into the dark blue twilight.

Nukes! Fucking nukes now! Jesus Christ! Daniel screamed in his own head. He heard another whooshing in the sky and he craned his up to see another rocket soaring through the air and then angle downward to another part of the suburbs. There was another flash followed by a billowing mushroom cloud that shook the Earth below him. Daniel dropped to his belly and covered his head as the searing wind lashed his back and shredded his shirt. This bomb was much closer. Air raid sirens tore through the sky and he pushed himself up and pulled himself forward. He heard the whoosh of more rockets above and cried out in terror as another nuke went off.

Daniel was thrown off his feet and his skin was burned red by the wind. His body itched and tingled and he tasted copper in his mouth. He looked to the skyline, not far off now. I have to make it to the city. He thought to himself. He picked up the pace and sprinted toward Chicago. It was dark now, the sky choked with sooty black clouds. Pink halogen lights flickered every time a bomb hit, sometimes exploding in a shower of sparks and glass. His feet pounded pavement as he ran down the open street.

Flash after flash hit behind him and the bombs created an Omni-present rumble. Glass shattered and buildings tumbled apart. Concrete heaved. Winds slashed at his back and threw him to the ground. He pushed himself up and threw a glance over his shoulder to see a dozen mushroom clouds blooming up from the demolished suburbs like some horrible forest of death. He turned back and focused on the skyscrapers. They loomed above him like the rockets from before. He was almost there. He never lost contact with those buildings. They stood tall and strong against the black sky as bomb after bomb exploded behind him. His legs ached. His lungs burned. His skin was raw and bloody. His head throbbed and his mouth was dry.

So close.

He ran past a gas station and stumbled to the ground as another bomb hit and knocked everything over except for a lone beige brick wall. There was another flash that was right at his back and he spun behind the wall. He held his hands over his ears as the fire winds blew past, the rumble so loud it made them ring. He kicked off the wall and threw himself forward into its wake. The buildings were now right there, silent sentinels in the night. There was another explosion but he didn't take his eyes off his target. He didn't stumble. He didn't fall. He just ran. He finally burst forward into the city limits, two buildings flanked him on either side. He made it. He was safe.

Daniel slowed to a crawl and stopped. He bent over, his hands on his knees. Daniel breathed hard and screamed triumphantly into the sky.

But then one last rocket pierced the clouds and angled downwards. It headed right to the center of downtown Chicago.

"No!" Daniel cried but his voice was drowned out in the roar. The flash was so bright it seared out his eyes and charred his skin. He felt his molecules get jarred and tumble lose. The wind hit again carrying pieces of Daniel with it. Daniel fell to his knees and felt his body crumble to ash as he disintegrated into nothing.

Chapter Twenty Five

Daniel jolted awake and sat up. His heart was pounding and his eyes were wide and brimmed with dry tears. He breathed so hard his lungs felt like they were on fire. Daniel looked at his hands and saw they were whole. The pain was gone as well. Daniel buried his face in his hands and wiped away the tears as the fear finally subsided. His head lolled around and he tried to take in his surroundings. He was in his room again sitting up in his bed but it was different this time. The room was charred black, large patches of brown wall sticking through the sooty burned paint. His posters were piles of ash on the floor below. His action figures were melted into blobs of white and beige. His TV, desk and dresser collapsed in on themselves in heaps of black wooden shards. His windows were broken and the carpet singed.

The room was still heavy with smoke and he had to bury his face in his arm not to cough. He pushed himself up and walked over to the window. He was still in Chicago but the city was in ruins. A perpetual haze shrouded the city beneath a motor oil sky. The buildings were reduced to rumble, some of the sky scrapers leaned on their sides in piles of granite, rebar, glass and concrete. Fires spread throughout the city painted the scene in shades of yellow and red. He surveyed the devastation and marveled at how the crumbled buildings looked like a mountain range. Then, standing in the center, he saw a tall well lit building in perfect shape. There was no sign or marks to identify it but he knew his path would lead him there.

Daniel pushed off the windowsill and walked back through his room. He drifted into his bathroom, which was blackened like his room. His sink was cracked and his mirror half shattered, and the toilet was missing the lid. Daniel turned on the faucet, which still worked, and splashed cold water on his face. He stared at his haggard reflection and winced. His face was laced with cuts and burns, half his teeth were missing and he looked tired. He held up his hand and looked at his missing finger. None of this is real. He told himself. This is all just a fucking illusion so chill out. Do what you have to do and get over with it and stop freaking out.

But it is real. That voice chimed in.

Now you got something to say. What the fuck do you mean it is real?

What is real, Daniel Woldt?

Things you can see, hear, smell, taste fucking feel!

You can see, hear, smell, taste and feel what you experience, right?

But I know it's just an illusion?

Is it? What determines what is real to you? The things you can sense are nothing more than the transmissions of signals through your nervous system to your brain. So ultimately what is 'real' is nothing more than the firing of your synapses and exchange of chemicals. Reality is constructed in your brain. If something were to cause your brain to react in the same way as true stimuli you would not be able to tell the difference. The imitation signals would be as real to you as reality. You have experienced this yourself first hand.

Daniel thought about the experience at the hospital.

The voice is right. This is real to me. All the times I was burned and crushed and cut I felt it all. Like it was real. Why am I feeling all this? He asked.

I cannot explain that to you in a way you could understand. The voice half-answered.

Why the fuck are you letting this shit happen to me?

I am not making you see or experience anything.

Then who is?

You. Daniel reeled away from the mirror and shook his head.

You... you're saying I'm doing this to myself?

Yes.

Why?

I do not know. Only you would know the answer to that. The voice said. Daniel turned back to his reflection and looked into his own eyes.

I hate myself. He thought aloud. I fucking hate myself so I'm torturing myself. All this time I thought there was someone doing this to me. Some unseen enemy. No, it's me. I'm the one hurting myself. I am the main character and the antagonist in my own narrative. So to beat this I have to beat myself.

The realization hit him hard, and he found himself gripping his sink so tight he thought his hands were going to fall off. Daniel slowly nodded and squared his jaw with determination.

I understand. Let's not waste any more time. He pushed off the sink and turned toward the door. The toilet caught his eye and he glanced down to see it was overflowed with blood again, that same blobby pink-red thing spun around in the center. A quick image of Christina flashed in his mind. I don't have time for this. He walked out the bathroom and opened the door. He was standing in front of the dark hallway of an apartment complex. The walls were charred black or broken altogether, just like his room. A thick dust hovered in the air and obfuscated the yellow light fixtures. Inside the walls he saw strange nonsensical machines pump and spin and spew gout's of steam into the polluted air.

He walked down the hallway and turned a corner. Ash tumbled down from the ceiling and the whole building groaned like it was about to fall apart. The world tipped to one side and then to another. He came to a big hole in one hallway and saw particles of wood and paint suspended in the air. He neared the edge and felt himself become weightless and drifted up toward the ceiling. He placed his hands flat against surface and walked himself across the ceiling and pushed himself down to the floor on the other side of the pit. He landed with a muted thump and then gravity suddenly kicked on. All the pieces fell to the ground below. Don't question it. He said to himself. Just keep moving.

Daniel heard a thump thump thump sound and turned a corner to see some odd-shaped object casting shadows against one of the walls. He walked up to see the walls broken down around one room where a large black heart hung suspended from the ceiling by a latticework of blue and purple arteries that ran the length of room. They burrowed themselves into the walls and floor and disappeared under the wood. An overturned table lamp set against one wall cast hard light behind the heart and made its black silhouette dance against the hallway wall. The heart pumped again and again in synch with his own.

Daniel shuttered and walked past the room and came to a hallway with a door at one end. He pushed it open and stepped inside. He was in a big empty room with nothing more than bare walls, floor and a ceiling and another door at the far end. As he stepped into the center the room started to spin around him. Fucking unreal. He thought to himself and continued to walk forward. He reached out his hand to catch the door but it spun faster and faster the closer he got to it until it was little more than a blur. He stepped backwards and the room slowed down to a leisurely pace.

"The hell?" he asked aloud. He walked backwards still and the room stopped and then spun in the opposite direction. "You got to be kidding me." He looked around for some clue and noticed that the floorboards were loose under his feet. He reached down and dug his fingers beneath the planks and pulled them up. The boards tore loose and he tossed them aside until there was only a pink layer of insulation separating the two floors. He tore at them until he created a bigger hole to the floor below. He hung his legs down and allowed himself to fall.

The drop was perhaps ten feet but it felt like he fell longer than that. He landed with a hard stomp and looked around. Another empty room, this time without even a door to exit. He walked up to the wall and pressed his hand on it and felt it go through the wall like it was made of some thick jelly. Daniel pushed himself through the wall and came to another hallway. This time he wasn't alone. A hunched naked man sat on his haunches over what looked like a blood-stained half-eaten corpse. The naked man's body was rail thin and sinewy. His skin was a sallow gray and his spine poked out from under the thin skin of his sore-infested back. Daniel reflexively reached behind himself a felt the cold metal of the gun. The naked man made loud slurping sound and contented little grunts as he gnawed away at the corpse's arm.

The naked man stopped suddenly and his head perked up. He slowly turned around and looked at Daniel, his bald head devoid of hair. His jaundiced-colored eyes were much bigger than they should be. The naked man made a curious sound and slowly rose to his feet and turned around, his body hidden in shadow.

"Don't even think about it." Daniel warned. A hideous sneer formed over the naked man's lip-less mouth and he let out a guttural scream. Daniel fell back a step as the naked man charged forward, his lanky arms flailed over his head. Daniel pulled out his gun and aimed it at the naked man's in the forehead. The gun popped and the naked man let out a screech and fell ass up in a heap before him. Daniel shuttered and tip toed around the growing puddle of blood and then past the half eaten corpse. This is fucking wrong, man! Fucking wrong! He screamed in his own head. I have to get out of here!

He bolted down the hall and hit the corner with a hard thud. He heard more screeching and saw an army of emaciated naked men and woman tumble out of a doorway and charge right at him. He screamed and took off down the hallway. He hit a stairwell and ran down the stairs as fast as he could, the flood of naked cannibals in tow. One hurled herself down the stairwell at him but fell to her death floors below. He went down a story and almost tripped as another naked man burst through a door and jumped on his back and bit him on the shoulder. Fresh sticky blood ran down his arm and chest. Daniel growled and jammed the pistol between its eyes and pulled the trigger. Cannibal brains painted the sooty walls and it fell off his back.

He tripped down a flight of stairs but recovered fast and pressed on. He ignored the throbbing pain in his ankle and pumped his legs as fast as he could. The flood of naked people were half a story away from him. He ran down more stairs and came upon the lobby. He ran toward the door and slammed into the metal push-handle as the flood finally caught up to him. He felt the people bite and scratch him from every possible angle. He cried out in pain and the door squealed open and they all tumbled through. The naked cannibals screamed and recoiled, their skin sizzling and popping under the harsh red glare of the moon and retreated back inside.

Daniel cried into the concrete, his body raw and covered with blood and open lacerations. He gritted his teeth and fought through the pain. Daniel rolled onto his back and stared up into the pitch black sky. The moon was still the same bloody red from before but now hung high above him like the blade of a guillotine. He sat up and wiped the blood and sweat from his eyes and looked around. He was in the middle of an empty street, the tower just blocks away now. Daniel pushed himself up and screamed into the night sky.

"Fuck this shit!" he bellowed. "I'm not done yet!" His voice echoed throughout the gray ruins of the city. He stumbled forward on his hobbled foot and gritted his teeth as a flood of pain surged up and down his body. His wounds throbbed and his blood felt cold and oily against his skin. He made it a block when he heard a girl's voice cry out.

Daniel headed in that direction and heard the voice of men hooting and hollering each time she screamed in terror.

"Save me! Save me! Why won't you save me!" the girl screamed. It was Christina's voice. He sprinted to a corner and peeked around it to see her standing with her back against a blue brick wall. A gang of six street toughs trapped her within a half circle. She looked haggard and deathly thin.

"Christina!" Daniel cried out and limped toward her.

"Daniel! Save me!" she screamed. The street kids seemed oblivious to him and one of them advanced on her. She held her arms up to shield herself from an attack but he went for her black sweat pants. The street kids giggled as he yanked on them and left her naked from the waist down. The street kids stopped laughing and looked away, their faces filled with a mixture of contempt and disgust. Pale skin clung to the bones of her legs and a waist so thin she had no flesh left on her hips or back. Her pubic region was a sickly gray color. It was not far off from the last time he saw her.

She sobbed and pulled her pants up as the punks backed away in silence and disappeared into the shadows.

"Why don't you want me? Why doesn't anyone want me anymore?" she cried into her hands.

"Christina wait!" Daniel called out and ran to her but she disappeared around a corner. When he followed her she was gone. He crouched down to his knees and held his forehead in his hands and shook. "This is fucking... hell. God please make this stop! Please make it stop!"

"There's no God here, boy." a voice said from above. Daniel felt something hard hit him across the face. He saw red and stumbled to the side and looked up. One of the punks stood above him, a metal pipe bobbing on his open palm.

The others hung back in the shadows, the white of their eyes blazing in the thin fiery light cast by a barrel just feet away. "She was a good girl, ya know? She never done nothing to you and you treated her like shit!" The punk hit him again with the pipe. Blood and a few teeth splattered against the brick wall. He fell onto his ass with and stared forward, dazed. "She was always there for you, asshole." The punk with the pipe hit him on the forehead and cracked his skull open with a soft thunk. Blood poured down in front of face and into his eyes. "She never asked for anything and all you did was take." He kicked Daniel in the face and broke his nose. "And take." He stomped down on Daniels crotch. Daniel cried out. "And take!" The punk brought his boot down on his mouth, kicking what was left of his teeth down his throat. Daniel rolled to the side and coughed up the teeth with a huge wad of blood. The other thugs slithered out of the shadows and joined him. The thugs laughed hysterically as they stomped, kicked, stabbed and shot him over and over until he couldn't take it anymore.

Daniel curled up into a ball and took the beating. Each new blow magnified his pain a thousand fold. The brutality of the beating was so bad he was paralyzed with agony.

It will not, and you will not die, just suffer eternally for your guilt. The voice spoke in his head.

What do I have to do to make it stop! He thought frantically.

Fight back. Daniel understood at once and spun onto his back. He aimed his gun and shot one of the thugs under the chin. He gripped the wound and fell away. He fired again and again, killing two more. The other thugs backed away and even tried to retreat but Daniel, now focused and brimmed with rage, shot each of them in the back. They dropped like flies, and while they writhed in their own pain he calmly aimed his pistol and shot each of them in the head. But he wasn't done and kept on firing into their trembling bodies over and over again, his eyes wet with hatred. The gun never ran out of bullets. Neither did his hate.

Daniel stuck his fingers in his mouth and felt for his teeth. They were all gone minus a few shards near the back.

"FFFFuuuusssh!" he screamed. The horror he felt was replaced with anger.

Blind anger.

He stomped another gang members head in until his thigh burned with pain. Daniel then wiped the blood and pieces of brain from the bottom of his shoe onto a brick laying in the ground. He saw more punks and gang bangers pour of the woodwork and he raised his pistol. He felt like he was watching himself from afar as he gunned down thug after thug with his him. He looked down at one thug and raised his pistol to finish him off when he heard a loud snap echo through the air.

Something sharp hit Daniel in so hard in the shoulder it lifted him off his feet and threw him back. Warm blood poured from the wound and painted the ground red around him. He touched the wound and felt his fingers slip into the hole. He saw a glint on top of one of the buildings and heard another crack followed by sharp pain in his left foot. Daniel looked up to see a hole in his shoe and a few of his toes missing. Another snap jarred him from his shock and something pinged off the ground next to him. He rolled out of the way and took refuge behind a low brick wall. He heard another shot and pressed his back to the broken concrete. Fuck! A sniper! He thought desperately. What the fuck do I do? He scanned the area and saw a sewer lid just feet away.

Daniel scrambled over to the lid and lifted it up. It was heavy and thick but the adrenaline made it feel like Styrofoam in his hands. He tossed it aside with a loud thud and hopped down before the sniper could find an opening. Daniel climbed down the rusted ladder into the dim stinking tunnel. Sulfur vapor lights flickered and painted the dark brown walls with dim fire. It was humid and smelled of mold and human waste. Daniel gagged and hurled into the soupy yellow water. He watched it swirl and mix in with the piss and shit and drift down the gurgling channel. Daniel spat the bitterness left in his mouth into the water. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood up straight. The weight of his wounds were finally catching up to him. Every inch of his body hurt and he felt light headed from blood loss. He should have been dead a dozen times over by then but Daniel wasn't ready to give up.

Daniel trudged down the tunnel at an agonizingly slow pace. He had to drag his shins through inches of rotting garbage and human feces. Sometimes he slipped and fell face first into the disgusting mix. Other time he felt his feet slide out from underneath him and he reflexively reached to the side and felt his hands dig into a thick net of slimy black mold. Daniel could even feel the septic fluids seep into his wounds and up his nose and mouth. He gagged and vomited but ignored his base instincts and waded deeper into the mess. By the time he was waist deep the lights that lined the grounds were under the thick water and it was almost completely dark. He heard a wet gurgling sound ahead and felt waves of dirty water push up against his chest and sloshed behind him in long trails.

"What the hell is that?" he asked aloud. Then the wave came.

The already dim lights were blotted out ahead so all he saw was an undulating wall of darkness. When it came closer he could see that it was, in fact, a tsunami of shit heading right for him. His instincts kicked in and he half turned to try to flee but Daniel stopped himself.

"Fuck it I'm not running this time!" he screamed and turned to meet it. The shit-water slammed into him and knocked him back a step. He felt himself drift down and he thought he was going to pass out but Daniel fought to keep himself awake. He held his breath and thrashed about and forced himself to stand up. He tried holding his breath until his lungs felt like they were going to explode.

I'm not afraid. He calmly repeated in his mind and finally let go.

The septic water flowed into his mouth and up his lungs and he could feel it in his eyes. He gagged and vomited again and tried to breathe but he was trapped. Not... giving... up. He screamed in his own head and forced himself forward though the water. He choked the entire way but somehow his will was stronger. He was overwhelmed and on the edge of panic but he thought about Sophie in the hospital. She was alone and it was up to him to find his way back to her. Daniel gritted his teeth and even smiled. Nothing's going to stop me this time. He thought. Not even me. He felt the water thin out, the chunks of shit, used condoms, dirty tampons and every disgusting thing you could flush down a toilet no longer slapped him in the face and chest. He felt the water level drop down to past his eyes, then his chin. He gasped for air and trudged on. It lowered to his chest and then waist until, finally, it subsided below his knees right back where it was before.

Daniel leaned forward and grabbed his knees and breathed. His throat felt like it was on fire and his head throbbed. Spittle dribbled down from his lips and mixed in with the water. I did it! He thought triumphantly. Do you're fucking worse, asshole. I can take it. Ahead him he heard the sound of splashing followed by the incoherent gibbering growls of mad men. He reached behind himself and pulled out his pistol as a wall of those naked cannibals rushed at him from the darkness.

"Bring it!" Daniel screamed and opened fire. He downed a pair of them in the blink of an eye. On they came, their crooked maws gnashing and their clawed fingers slashing at the air. Daniel took aim and fired again with a deftness and canny aim that was not his own.

It was his will.

Daniel hit each one head on and dropped them into the shit water. Instead of retreating to safer ground he moved forward, his aim perfect and finger unceasing. He killed three dozen of the horrible little people before they finally stopped. He slowly lowered his pistol and trudged right past them, kicking their bodies aside with his shin. Finally he came to a ladder at the end of the tunnel and climbed up. He pushed the sewer lid aside and pulled himself into the building.

The smell of animal shit and rotting meat filled his nose. He ignored it and looked around. He was in some large cavernous factory room. The walls were made of plain gray concrete. The room was dark except for a glowing red EXIT sign set above a large double-door. Shadowy piles of something he could not make out were pitched all about the room, their shapes and sizes varying and uneven. The foul odor emanated from those piles, and a cloud of flies buzzed above each one of the haphazard mounds. Daniel did not look straight at the piles but could see the glassy glint of blank eyes, severed fingers, the white of teeth and squirming maggots out of his peripherals. He walked past them and pushed open the double doors.

Dim candle light poured through and he found himself in the factory main floor. Dirty ugly men and women stood before large rusted conveyer belts and metal prep tables with bloody smocks and an assortment of meat cleavers, hammers and butcher knives. Daniel could see bodies, most dead but some still whimpering, on those tables being sliced into slabs of meat. Others bones were crushed while others were skinned. He heard the soft sloshing of damp skin being sawed into neat little portions and packaged away. Candles were everywhere and the rafters above were hidden in shadow. Against one wall was a large gold pentagram with the worlds 'Arbeit Macht Fleish' written above it in smeared black paint. Blood and viscera were everywhere. One conveyer had a long line of screeching infants rolling along a belt of metal cylinders. An old woman waited at one end with a blood soaked mallet. Each time the belt stopped Daniel would hear a soft thud, a silenced cry, and the sound of something wet trickle onto the ground.

Daniel said nothing nor paid any notice. It's gonna take more than this to stop me. He spat in his own mind. He stopped at one bloody table and picked up a sharp looking cleaver. He held it up to the candle light. The withered old factory worker next to him regarded him with dull interest before going back to severing the fingers from a corpse. He walked to the far end of the room and ascended a black metal spiral staircase up into the rafters. It grew dark around him and he did not stop. He felt spider webs fall upon him and still he did not stop. The spiders and centipedes bit him and crawled inside his shirt and up his pants and still he did not stop. He came to the roof entrance, opened the door, and stepped out into the dark night.

He came to a gravel roof on top of the building. It was bare except for a metal air conditioning unit and a few stove-pipe chimneys. He saw the sniper leaning over one edge the building with his rifle aimed at the spot he was before. He turned around, and Daniel could see the sniper was a sicker version of him. His skin was thin and pale, his mouth missing all the teeth and his hair almost completely gone. His eyes were white with cataracts and sunken into his bony cheeks. The sniper took aim and fired. The bullet hit Daniel hard in the chest. He stumbled back a step but it did not wound him.

It barely hurt.

Daniel pressed forward as the sniper version of him shot him twice more, once in the thigh then right in his forehead. Daniel didn't even pause the third time.

"No wait!" the sniper version of him pleaded in a hoarse voice but Daniel did not hear him. Daniel brought up the cleaver and his lips curled into a sneer.

"I'm sick of being my own worse fucking enemy. This ends now!" He screamed and then brought it down and severed the snipers upheld arm.

Blood spurted out and he screamed. Daniel chopped into his shoulder and then his neck. The man gurgled as the cleaver buried into his chest, cut through his ribs and chopped right through to his heart. Daniel then raised it to the side and then sliced horizontally. The knife glinted under the blood moon and made a wet slicing sound as it tore through his neck muscles and tendons. It crunched through bone and sliced through his spinal cord before repeating the whole thing. The snipers eyes rolled up into his skull and then his head fell off the roof and bounced down the side of the building.

Daniel looked down at the bloody chunks that was left of his body and let out a long sigh of satisfaction. Too long had he let his own fears and selfish desires ruin his life. Too long had he put himself before the ones he loves. Now, for the first time, he has proven that he loves someone more than himself, so much he was willing to kill himself for her.

And that gave him strength.

Daniel raised his eyes and looked past the roof. All around him in the distance he could see huge mountainous piles of gray rubble and dark glass from the ruined buildings. Before him laid a huge crater, maybe a thousand feet deep or more. It was where the bomb hit that destroyed the city, its depths hidden beneath a sea of shadow. His gaze raised to the intact skyscraper, which looked perfect and well lit against the night. He looked back down at the pit and realized there was no way to get access to the skyscraper except through the pit.

Daniel dropped the meat cleaver and held out his arms to the side and closed his eyes. A memory of standing at the edge of Niagara Falls with Christina came to mind. He was so afraid she was going to fall in but she wasn't. She had a small smile on her pretty face, her pale skin lit like a light bulb by the afternoon sun. The wind whipped black strands of her hair against her face and her shirt billowed. She was happy. He was happy.

They were happy together.

Daniel smiled and let himself fall back into the bit. The darkness reached up and took him.

Chapter Twenty Six

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

It was dark. Daniel sat up and looked around. He was in a black tunnel somewhere with no visible source of light. It was warm and humid, and somewhere down the hall he heard a low steady beat of a heart. He put his hand on the ground and pushed himself to a standing position. He held his hand out in front of him and looked back down at the ground. It felt strange to him, warm and supple and slick.

It was organic.

Daniel walked over to the wall and ran his finger down the side. The soft surface was shiny and felt like flesh to him. He also noticed that, even though there was no light in the tunnel, he could see every bulge and crevice perfectly fine. He could also make out the shape, texture and color of his own body, as if illuminated by some inner light.

"Weird." Daniel said to himself. The tunnel suddenly undulated under his feet and he bobbed up and down as twitchy waves of flesh rolled down the hall. A deep breathy growl echoed through the hallway like some great monster shifting in its sleep. Daniel remembered the reason he was there and walked down the hallway. He squared his jaw and narrowed his eyes, the determination renewed within him. The squirming ground made a squish-squish sound under his feet like he was walking on a carpet of squids or octopi. He could see a ghostly green light at one end of the tunnel and headed that way. As he strode forward he heard a familiar voice echo in his head.

Daniel Woldt you are close now. Very close. It said in its plain emotionless voice. Soon you will be with me.

Finally. He thought back. I'm done with this shit.

No, you are not done yet, Daniel Woldt. In fact you are about to pierce the deepest parts of your subconscious and confront the greatest sources of your pain. Memories that haunt you every night. Once you conquer your greatest fears and face your greatest failures you will no longer be haunted by your visions. Are you ready to confront this task? Daniel breathed deeply and closed his eyes. He felt a deep anxiety well up inside him but he did not let it overtake him. He swallowed hard and pushed it down and away.

I'm ready. He said, but there was a shakiness to his voice. Ahead the green glow grew brighter and brighter until it became a blinding wall of crackling light that rushed right at him.

I hope you are. The voice intoned as the light washed over him.

The green energy faded and he found himself in a bizarre room. A thick paste of some congealed off-white substance made up the walls, ceiling and floor. There were gray bumps, protruding bits and waxy knobs. Everything quivered and jiggled, and before him he could see a forest of bizarre white ropy tendrils that hung down from the ceiling. They looked like giant sperms, their knobby heads dangling from the ceiling while long waxy tails hung below. The tails wiggled back and forth and curled up and let loose. On the heads of the things he could see a pair of oval-shaped gray eyes without pupil or iris. The sperm-like things rolled their eyes and regarded him. Daniel shuttered at the creepiness of it all and his eyes rested on a round radial hole against the far wall. His exit.

Daniel walked through the field of sperm-creatures with slow and careful consideration. The beings rolled down their eyes to look at him when he came near. The tentacles curled up and moved toward him. They groped him as the tentacles gently caressed across his skin. They felt cold and sticky. He clamped down his jaw to stop from crying out as one tentacle slid down his shirt and poked his belly button. Others tried to crawl into his mouth and nose. They became so insistent that he had to cover the orifices with his hand. He tried to ignore another as it wiggled up his shorts and tried to probe his privates and his anus. There was nothing sexual about this; it was merely curious and he knew it.

That didn't make it less disturbing.

Daniel made it to the other side and threw one last glance over his shoulder to see all the tentacles reaching for him like zombies in a film. He shook his head and turned back to the hole, stuck a foot in, and pulled himself inside.

Daniel fell through the wall into a rocky area filled with red sand and a bleak orange sky. Tall brown rocks rose from the ground all around him, many pitted with caves and crevices. Twin moon hovered above the sharp horizon like a pair of ghostly eyes. Some large gray-silhouetted creature walked in the distance, its long trunk like arms and legs opening and closing like a pair of scissors. Wind swept the area and blew rusted dust into Daniel's face. He slapped it away with his hand and covered his eyes. Frantic hooting echoed though out the cave to his right. Four small hunched creatures about four feet in height shambled out of the cave and stopped to regard him.

They were semi-humanoid in appearance; each one had long lean torso and even ganglier set of arms and legs. Their faces resembled that of a human except they had no lips or ears, and their eyes were large and completely black in color, as if some film had developed to protect them. Their teeth was sharp and fanged. Their foreheads protruded out with a thick ribbed ridge, and beneath the folds of the ridges Daniel could see breathing holes that were probably also used for smell. They had short stubby tails and their strange genitals just looked too odd to make sense to him. Daniel noted the way they looked and moved, suspicious and bestial. They reminded him of the naked cannibals he fought in the building and sewers.

The animals hissed and bore their fangs. His heart raced and he trembled. He felt an intense emotion, a jittery sensation that filled his mouth with the taste of blood and acetone.

Fear.

Daniel slowly reached behind himself for his pistol and drew it as the first creature charged forward, its three-talon claws slashed the air in front of it. Daniel took aim and fired, the pop echoed off the caves as the bullet tore through the bulbous forehead of the creature. Purple blood sprayed out the back and it flopped onto its back and curled up into a ball like a spider. Another creature seized the moment and tackled him to the ground and bit into his shoulder.

Daniel cried out and jammed the gun into the creature's temple. He screamed as it tore into his chest with its sharp claws. Warm blood oozed up and ran down between the divots of his ribs. He angled his gun and killed that monster. Daniel grabbed it by its neck and threw it in front of him to shield himself from the third. The monster jumped up and down as it frantically clawed at him. Daniel threw the dead creature aside and took aim and fired into its chest and stomach. The creature howled and backed away but Daniel kept in shooting, peppering the cowering thing with an endless stream of bullets. Finally it lurched to the side and fell over dead.

Daniel twisted around to find the fourth and felt the ugly thing bite onto his wrist with its sharp teeth. Blood squirted from the wound and the gun fell to the ground. He screamed in terror as he watched the thing's teeth pull pieces of muscles, ligaments and even veins free from his wrist. He bashed it against the side of its heard with his balled fist and made it stumble away. He tried to hold his gaping wrist with his other hand but it was slick with blood. He looked frantically around for his gun and saw it was far out of his grasp. His eyes locked in on a long femur bone half buried in the dirt and yanked free as the creature jumped onto his back and bit into his neck.

Blood cascaded down his shoulders into his underpants as he lifted his arms and jammed the bone back into its face. The creature howled out and retreated a step. Daniel spun around and swung the bone as hard as he could. The bone collided with the creature's temple. It stumbled to the side and fell down to the ground. It tried to push itself up from the dirt but Daniel was on it this time. He brought the bone down on its forehead with a loud thunk. Blood squirted out of what he presumed was its ear holes and the creature made a pitiful cry and fell onto its back. Daniel stepped forward and smashed it again in its face and then twice more in its chest before moving to its gut. He bellowed like a gorilla challenging a rival in the deep jungle, his teeth bared and eyes wide with fury and terror. The creature moaned until it finally went still.

"Is that all you got!" he challenged the sky, his eyes wild. "Jesus fucking Christ!" Daniel wiped the creature's smelly purple blood off his face and let the bone fall to the ground. He covered the wound on his neck with one hand, his wrist with the other and retrieved his gun. He looked around for where to go next but saw only the cave those creatures came out of. "Fine. Bring it." He walked into the cave and was swallowed by darkness. It was dank and smelled terrible. He could see the red flicker of flame somewhere deeper. The cave walls were slick and covered by a damp film of some unknown substance. Daniel didn't care. The red light grew brighter and brighter until it was all he could see, and when he turned the corner he found himself in the one place he feared more than anywhere else on Earth.

His father's cabin.

Chapter Twenty Seven

Daniel's heart skipped a beat and his mouth went dry. He recognized the foul stench of blood, shit and death. A small transistor radio played a distorted Credence Clearwater Revival tune he couldn't quite make out. He recognized the low tin roof, the twin cots with plain green blankets, the mini-fridge, a tiny stove, a small ceramic sink and small round wooden table set in a corner. He recognized the dark windowless wood walls with the portrait of Jesus looking to heaven, his hands folded in prayer. Then, in the back of the room, he recognized his dad's killing table. It was similar to the one he had in the basement except it was much larger and the back board held a bevy of very sharp looking instruments to skin and disembowel animals. There was a run off sink to one side with a meat hook dangling over it and a large metal trash can on the other with a shiny black garbage bag wrinkled inside. Flies hovered above the garbage can like a rotten halo and it always smelled like death. Above the metal table hung a bright white fluorescent light fixture that bathed the table in a brilliant white.

Just looking at that table made him shake with nervousness. Memories he buried for two decades bobbed to the surface like bloated corpses in a river. He felt a spill of vertigo and almost fell to the ground. Daniel grasped the wooden table with one hand and slowly lowered himself onto an old lawn chairs set in the corner of the room. His heart was a jackhammer trying to pound its way through his chest. Daniel's breath caught and his eyes watered and he slowly ran his fingers down his pallid face. Twice a year his father took him to his cabin in Kentucky, once in early summer after school came out and once in November during the weekend after Thanksgiving. It was the only activity he and his father shared together growing up, and it was these weekends that he feared more than everything in the world.

Daniel simply hated every single part of their weekend vacations. The long drive down to Kentucky was filled with the most uncomfortable silence you could imagine. When they got to the cabin in the Catskills they were literally in the middle of nowhere, a huge swath of hills at the feet of the Appalachian Mountains. There were no neighbors to visit and the nearest town was nearly half an hour away. The cabin itself was a tiny one room shack with a slanted tin roof. All they had was a small portable black-and-white TV, a deck of cards and an old transistor radio for entertainment. His father was a worse cook than his mother and he had to force the nasty home-made sausages and runny eggs he tried to cook every meal.

There was no place to bathe so they had to go to an ice cold stream fifteen minutes away to clean themselves. They didn't even have a bathroom to use; they had to piss and shit outside, even in the cold whipping winds of November. Flies were everywhere and the smell of urine and feces seemed to follow him wherever he went. Mosquitoes constantly buzzed in his ear and bit him on the arms, legs and necks. The drone of cicada's and flies were an oasis from the other sounds that came at night. Every time they went to bed it would take Daniel hours to fall asleep, and about half an hour after lights out he could feel his father's eyes fall upon him. His breathing would become labored he would hear the familiar skritch-scratch of skin rubbing against skin. Daniel tried not to look at the jerking motion underneath his blanket and pretended not see his father stretching his free hand toward him, hoping to touch him and caress his skin. He knew half the reason Gerry took him to the cabin was to molest him in privacy but, in the end, he was too much of a coward to do anything other than masturbate.

Thank God for that.

Every time they went there was a storm, their every boom and rumble magnified a hundred fold by the metal roof. He was terrified that lightning would strike the cabin when they were trying to sleep and electrocute him. The rain was a symphony of hollow pings and taps that was so loud it drowned out everything else. Bears and wolves would stalk the perimeter at night and he was even scared that Bigfoot would wander into their cabin when they were trying to sleep and eat them alive. His father took a sadistic glee in terrifying him with local stories and urban legends about the monster.

That wasn't the only thing his father took sadistic glee in. While all these things made his visits to the cabin miserable they were nothing compared to what really made the three day excursions a waking nightmare; the killing. Daniel and Gerry spent most of the day hunting in the nearby woods, and when they did kill something they shoved it in a black trash bag and dragged it back to the cabin. Gerry would then make Daniel sit and watch as he skinned, disemboweled and dismembered each of the poor creatures. Sometimes he would even force Daniel to help.

Daniel stared at the metal table with mute horror. He swallowed and cleared his throat as his hands trembled in his lap. He didn't look over as he heard the door creak open and then bang against the slanted frame. His eyes didn't shift as Gerry strode into view, a squirming rabbit trapped in one hand. Daniel's shoulders shook as he watched his father grab each leg and snap the bones so it couldn't escape. He covered his ears as the little thing made that horrible screeching sound rabbits make when they are injured or scared. He closed his eyes as Gerry pinned it against the metal table and took a meat cleaver off of a copper cook, raised the blade, and severed one of its feet. The rabbit thrashed and thumped against the metal table as blood oozed out of the severed stump. He then repeated the process three more times until it was nothing more than a stump and a head.

Gerry then took another sharp tool and jammed it between the rabbit's shoulders and dragged it down and ripped its skin in half to expose its bloody muscles and sinews. He ripped the pelt off the rabbit, which was still alive and screaming under his hand and then flipped it over onto its back. He stabbed it in the chest and dragged down and Daniel couldn't help but watch as he ripped out its intestines and stomach and tossed them into the metal trash can.

While it was still alive.

"Stop it!" he screamed as tears rolled down his cheek. "Please God make him stop!" But it didn't stop. He watched as his father tore apart deer, mice, raccoons, opossums and swine. Burgundy stained pelts and stretches of skin were lovingly stretched out above the table. Body parts flew through the air. Blank glassy eyes stared up at Daniel asking 'why? Why are you letting him do this to me?' The blood flowed like a river into the drain sink. He would look at his father and see sweat bead down his balding forehead, his eyes wild and frantic. There was this sick little smile on his face each time he killed an animal, and as much as he tried not to look, Daniel never missed the bulging erection in his pants.

The anxiety Daniel felt was paralyzing, and he wanted to it to stop so bad but was helpless to do so. He could only watch in horror as innocent creature after innocent creature was killed in front of his eyes.

"You said you wanted to make me a man." Daniel said emptily. "That you were scared I was going to turn out to be a gay or something. You thought killing all these poor animals would toughen me up, make me stronger. Just like you said in the basement." he stopped and rubbed his hand across his face. "But that wasn't it, was it? You brought me here to rape me and you brought me here to bond with me and make me like you."

Gerry didn't hear him. He was too busy slashing and chopping and cutting away on table in front of him.

"You thought I would, I would enjoy it like you. Get off on it." Daniel continued. "Everybody knew you as that mild-mannered guy in the corner cubical at your job. They didn't know the real you. The person you hid from them. The fucking sadist who enjoyed stabbing and burning and killing things for your own sick fucking amusement! This was your secret world and you wanted me to be your partner in crime. You wanted me to kill with you so you wouldn't feel so lonely." he looked down. "But I wasn't that person. That's why you hated me so much. I wasn't like you. I wasn't the little monster you were hoping I'd turn out to be."

You and I are a lot alike, you know? Gerry's voice said in his head.

"That's what you wanted to believe but it's a lie. We are not alike."

Is that so? We both enjoy hurting people. We both lie about what we feel and we both have enough skeletons in our closets they could be considered graveyards. And, we're both murderers.

Daniel's blood froze in his veins and he seized up. He felt all the fear, hatred and contempt for his father swirl around in his head. He looked up to see Gerry now staring at him, his eyes twin cold stars in the shadow of his brow. Daniel tensed up as Gerry walked past him and ripped open the front door and let it bang shut behind him. Daniel wrapped his arms around his shoulders and shook. The memory of that day took hold and started to replay in his mind. A moment later the door creaked open and Gerry stumbled inside dragging something huge in one of his black garbage bags.

It was soggy and cumbersome and banged against the table as it slid across the wooden floor. Daniel watched him use his uncanny strength to heave the plastic bag onto the table with a shack-shaking clang. He rubbed his palms together and paced back and forth before the bag, his eyes rolling wildly in his head. He looked terrified and turned on in equal measure.

"Oh God Oh God I can't believe I did that!" he yelled. "It was an accident, Daniel! It was an accident I swear to God! The sun was in my eyes and when I lined up the shot but the barrel twitched at the last second and I... I..." his voice trailed off and he went limp for a moment.

It wasn't an accident.

Daniel was there. It was a chilly November morning and they were in an area of barren hills. He saw Gerry rotate his rifle forward and took aim. The sun was just over the horizon but it was at their backs. He then saw that same small smile in the corner of his mouth he got every time he killed something and, when the barrel did move, it was under his own volition.

"We must never tell anyone about this ever, okay? We'll both get in trouble, understand? If they catch us they'll put us away in jail forever! Now just stay right there I don't want you to see this." he pretended to be concerned for him but he wasn't.

He wanted it all to himself.

Gerry rubbed his hands together, his face pursed in that same expression of excitement he had when he was jerking off in the car or chopping up that living rabbit. Daniel's father then threw out his arms like a magician, lowered himself toward the bag, and slowly peeled the plastic away.

It was the dead body of a fat hairy hunter in an orange shirt and brown suspenders. He laid with his eyes still open, a glazed expression of shock on his pale white face. The hunter had a short red beard and was almost bald, his eyes as dull and gray as a March sky. Gerry was sweating and his palms shook as he grabbed a pair of heavy scissors and cut the clothes off his dead body. The man's bulging white skin looked obscenely bloated under the harsh light, his ginger body hair blazed like orange fire. Gerry carefully removed each portion until the man was buck naked and then took a step back to admire his work. There was a black hole in the man's forehead where Gerry shot him. Only a few drops of blood ran down the bridge of his nose and into one of his eyes.

"I can't let them find him. Ever." Gerry said and tossed a glance back at him over his shoulder. "We'll go to jail, Daniel. I have to get rid of the body."

Daniel sat there and watched as his father used his tools to cut into the dead man's chest and peel back his skin. He cracked open the ribs with a mallet and slowly and methodically removed the dark lump that was the man's heart and tossed it into the garbage bag with the rest of the animal pieces. He then cut out the dark brown lungs and tossed them aside and went deeper to dig out his spleen, pancreas, stomach, intestines and liver. The whole time he had that little smile on his face and he was so hard Daniel could hear it rub against the underside of the metal table each time he bent closer to get to another organ. Gerry savored every second of it.

By then blood was everywhere. Gerry then cut out his genitals along with his colon, kidneys and bladder. When the torso was picked clean of everything but bones, skin and muscle he moved to the head and carved out the man's eyes with a spoon, one of the same spoons they used to eat their food, then cracked open his skull and took his tongue and finally brain. Gerry dug into the soggy brown thing and pulled out the bullet he used to kill the man. He looked at it lovingly under the light and stuck it in his pocket.

Daniel felt so nauseous he bent over and vomited on the ground next to him. Everything that happened next came as a blur. His father broke down the bones and teeth and put them in another bag along with the man's skin and remaining flesh, closed both bags, and left. Daniel sat there stunned, trying to process the whole thing. Just like he did all those years ago. He heard his father's truck roar to life and the hiss of its tires as it drove down the road. Hours of silence passed as he shook in terror, thinking that at any moment police were going to show up and arrest him. Thinking that maybe his father would never return and he would be trapped in that horrible cabin for the rest of his life. Thinking that maybe, just maybe, he could have saved that man's life. He could have killed his father instead. He deserved it after all. But he was too scared and an innocent man was dead because of his fear.

And it was his fault.

Gerry finally returned covered in dirt and sweat long after the crickets had begun their evening song. Gerry didn't say a thing to him and he didn't say a thing to Gerry either. What was there to say? They both tried to go to bed but neither of them could sleep. Finally, Gerry rolled over to face his son.

"You must never tell anyone what happened today, okay Danny?" Gerry insisted.

"Okay daddy." Daniel said back, his voice high and childlike.

"You were there too, you know that, right? If I get caught you will get caught too and we both will go to jail and you don't want to go to jail, right?"

"No daddy."

"Good. Now let's never talk about this again." Gerry rolled over and fell asleep but Daniel did not. He stared up at that tin ceiling and listened to the gentle rain as he still tried to process it all. When he spoke again, it was in his own voice and not his younger selves.

"I have spent every second of every day terrified of the police coming and taking me away." he said aloud, now aware that he was lying in the cot and not sitting in the lawn chair. "That fear... that fear never fucking left me." his voice broke. "You brought me, you brought me into this world of yours and forced me to be part of it with this fucking bullshit and I've been suffering ever since you selfish sick fuck!"

Daniel sat up in his cot and turned to his sleeping father.

"As if watching you kill all those things wasn't enough." he screamed. "As if knowing that you could, at any fucking moment, decide to fucking rape me wasn't enough you had to put me through this too? Fuck you! Fuck you sick fuck!" he cried into his palms and wiped away the tears. He pulled his knees into his chest and rocked back and forth. "You're a one kill wonder. You wanted to know what it was like to kill a man and you did it but you weren't dumb enough to do it again and get caught. You would've been a serial killer like Gacy and Dahmer but you stopped."

Daniel stopped rocking and stared forward. "I should have told someone." he said distantly. "I should have fucking told someone so they could throw you in jail where you belong. On fucking death row waiting for your turn in the chair." Daniel buried his face in his knees. "I never told anyone because I was scared of going to jail too. That's why I never told anyone about your little room in the basement. Because if I turned on you would turn on me too." he laughed. "That's how you made sure I wouldn't tell anyone about the room too, huh? Smart, old man. I'll give you that one but it's not going to work anymore because as soon as I'm done with this shit I'm going to call up the police and tell them what you did, no matter what it means for me. I can't run from this anymore. I can't be afraid." He stood up and looked down at his sleeping father, then over at the meat cleaver on the wall but shook his head. "No, I'm not going to kill you. And I'm not going to ask you to kill yourself. That would just make me like you and you are wrong, I am not like you." He walked to the door and opened it. "I'm going to let the state of Kentucky kill you." he paused, then added. "And maybe me too." Daniel walked out and let the door slam behind him.

The pounding was overwhelming. Each beat of the heart was so loud it shook his entire body. He felt dizzy and weak at the knees. It was like standing next to a bass speaker at a rock concert; he felt his every molecule get jostled around by the incessant pounding of that heart. When Daniel was finally able to get a grip on himself he found himself in a huge dark room, hundreds of feet in height. The walls and ground were made of a slick ribbed surface and it was completely black except for a liquid blue-white light that shone down from some lofty hole in the ceiling. In the center of the room was an enormous heart, though it did not resemble any heart he had seen before. This one was long and thin and made of the same black ribbed surface the walls were. A yellow light bleed through the cracks of the heart like lava, and an incomprehensible network of veins and arteries, also black and ribbed, were connected to the top and bottom of the heart and ran into the ground.

From the heart he felt all the horrible emotions he experienced before; shame, hatred, remorse and fear, but something stronger and more terrible emanated from that heart. Something that felt icky and made his skin tingle and burn like radiation pipped from the center of the heart. It wasn't quite an emotion like the others or something worse. Emotions are reactions. States of being. This was intentional. Willful. Selfish beyond pale.

It was his betrayal. It was his narcissism. It was his self-loathing.

It was everything he hated about himself wrapped up into one tight, throbbing vessel.

Daniel approached the heart with caution, one hand held forward, the other touching the gun in his waist band. He didn't know what to expect. As he came near, though, he felt started to feel weak.

His head spun and he felt nauseous. Daniel retched onto the ground and then fell to his knees. He could see his skin grow paler with each step. His hair thinned and fell out in pitiful clumps. His fingers and toenails atrophied and flaked away. He so weak he could barely move. He felt something warm on his lips and brought up his hand to see his nose was bleeding. Then it came from his ears and every other orifice of his body. He spat out half-coagulated clumps of raw blood and his nerves felt like they were on fire. He pulled himself forward as his eyes bled and then melted in their sockets and ran down his cheeks.

"Oh God Oh God this fucking hurrrrtttts." he said and then cried out as his jaw fell off his chin and shattered onto the ground.

He felt blood and spit ooze down his chest and his lungs felt like they were in fire each time he breathed. "Thsssnoooottttgonnnasssttthhtttooooppppmeeeee." he cried defiantly as he pulled himself closer. His fingers fell off his hands and rolled away from his body. His skin became translucent and he could see his veins and muscles underneath. He grunted and crawled forward with his palms and knees until he felt them crack and give way. Daniel tried to cry out again but it came as a garbled groan. Still, he did not stop. He came right up to the heart and jammed a hand-less arm into one of the cracks in the center. It felt like fire inside. He turned his pain into determination and used what little strength he had left and pull himself up into the heart itself. Daniel felt his legs fall off and all the bones in his arms crack and turn into mush but he made it. He let out one last determined grunt and tumbled into the heart of his pain.

Daniel was on his back in her bed. He looked around to see he was in Christina's old room. It was dusk and the fading sunlight cast long shadows that danced across the floor. Of course. Daniel thought to himself. It ends here. Which only means... he heard the bathroom door creak open and dark yellow light poured around the cracks and shone into the room.

"Heyyy Danny. I'm ready." Christina said from within. Daniel closed his eyes and his jaw trembled. Warm tears squeezed out from between his eyelids and ran down his cheeks. I don't want to go through with this again! He thought frantically. God please don't make me live this over again. Daniel covered his face with his hands and sobbed. "Danny come on let's just get this over with!" she said impatiently. Daniel concentrated hard and forced himself to stop crying.

"Okay." he said, mouthing the exact words he spoke six years ago on that horrible night. "Here I come."

He pushed himself out of his bed and tip toed over to the bathroom. He had to force every step. Halfway there he heard the squeak of metal handles followed by the throaty gurgle of a bathtub being filled. Just like I asked her too. He thought. To hide the sounds from her mother. He reached to door and grabbed the edge with his hand but hesitated. I know what I did. I know it is wrong. Why do I have to go through with this again?

How can you confront your greatest sin if you don't face it? His voice answered back.

But I know what I did to her and I know I will never do anything like it again. He pleaded. Why do I have to keep torturing myself over something that is in the past? It's not like I did it on purpose.

But you let it happen.

I know but... he stopped and shook his head. He was arguing with himself. It was absurd, but he knew there was no sense in trying to make sense of guilt. Guilt is an irrational emotion that cannot be reasoned or bargained with.

One simply atones for their actions or spends the rest of their lives suffering.

Daniel bit down on his tongue and nodded. I have to do this. He thought. Daniel slowly creaked open the door and peered inside.

Christina sat on the edge of the bathtub with one leg crossed over the other. She was smoked a cigarette as she watched the water fill. She wore a black school-girl skirt and a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt with a gray vampire smiley face on the front. If this were her ten years ago he would have found the outfit sexy but now she was a mess. Christina was dirty, her pretty black hair matted to her head in gummy clumps. The skin on her face and arms looked thin and calloused and filled with sores. He could see bruises running up and down her legs from god-knows what. She was so skinny he could see her ribs and hips poke out from under her pale skin. Even her eyes, once a pretty dark blue, had dulled to a cloudy gray from years of drug abuse. Christina was hideous to him, and he knew in the end, it was all his fault.

"About fucking time." she huffed impatiently. Daniel felt himself get drawn into his role and what happened next he did not of his own volition. He could only be there and watch the whole scene unfold exactly as it did all those years ago.

"What's your fucking hurry?" he snapped back at her. "I'm the one who's got shit to do tonight."

"Yeah fuck you too." She shot him a middle finger and reached down to her side and pulled up a large bottle of Smirnoff Vodka. It was already halfway empty. Christina pitched her head back and took another big swig, wobbled on the side of the bathtub and put it down again. "Are you sure you know what your fucking doing?"

"Yeah." Daniel replied irritably. "I read up on it."

"Oh you read up on it, huh? Did you get your PHD too?"

"Just shut up and get on the toilet." Daniel snapped back.

Christina used her hand to push herself up against the wall and swung one leg over the open toilet and plopped down in front of him. Daniel knelt down in front of her and dragged something wrapped in a white towel across the tiled floor over to him. Christina scooted forward and leaned back so her pelvis was right in front of his face. She took another hit of vodka and one last puff of her cigarette as Daniel carefully unfolded the towel.

"You like what you see, big boy?" Christina asked as she pinched the front of her skirt and lifted it up.

"Stop playing around." Daniel instructed as he picked up a jar of Vaseline and pried off the tip.

"Oh your no fun anymore, you know that?" she pouted. "You used to get so excited when you were face up in my muff."

"That's before a dozen other dudes put their dick in it." Daniel said dryly. Christina drunkenly slapped him on the shoulder.

"Don't be such a fucking hypocrite. I saw you fucking that chubby bitch at the club yesterday." she hissed. "Is that why you don't want to be with me anymore? Because I don't like to bounce up and down at your concerts?"

"I don't want you because you became a junkie and fucked a bunch of other guys." Daniel answered irritably.

"Stop with that hypocritical bullshit, Danny! Jesus you fucked more girls than I fucked guys!"

"That's different. When a guy gets off he leaves shit behind. Girls don't do that. I don't want to be dipping in eight other dudes shit, okay?"

"You think girls don't leave shit behind... you know what I'm not even going to go there with you. That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard come out of your mouth."

"Whatever." He unfolded the last bit of towel and picked up a straightened coat hanger. "Let's just get this over with."

Daniel rubbed the coat hanger with Vaseline and held it up to the light. With the lubricant on it the coat hanger glowed a golden color under the burned light bulb.

"Okay. Spread it." he instructed. Christina rolled her eyes and reached down and pulled her vagina open for him. He lowered his gaze and tried to look inside but the light was cast from behind her. He should have stopped there but he glanced at his phone. 6: 57 P.M. He had less than an hour before he was supposed to meet up with Mandy. "Alright here I go." He carefully stuck the coat hanger inside and she shifted. "Don't move."

"It's fucking cold." Christina complained.

"It will be over quick." he promised. "Just. Hold. Still." He pushed the coat hanger in further until it hit up against something.

"Oww. Is it supposed to hurt?"

"A little. I'm sticking a pointed piece of metal in your fucking pussy so of course it's going to fucking hurt."

"Just do it. Okay?"

"I'm trying. Shut up so I can concentrate." he growled. She huffed but went quiet. He moved it around a bit and felt a slimy resistance.

"That fucking hurts!"

"Shut up!" Daniel moved it toward the center until he stopped feeling resistance. "Got it." He then pushed it deeper.

Christina let out a squeak of pain and bit her lower lip. A small dribble of blood flowed down and dripped into the toilet. The drops melted into the water and turned it pink. He moved it around some more and more blood came.

"I'm fucking bleeding. Am I supposed to bleed like that?" she asked.

"Of course you are. Duh!" he rotated it more and more blood came out.

"God Daniel that really fucking hurts!" she moaned.

"I almost got it."

"Daniel that really really hurts. Stop it!"

"We're almost done."

"No, stop it! Just take me to a hospital! They'll finish it!"

"I'm almost there." the coat hanger caught on something. "I can feel it."

"Just stop it! Please stop it!" she tried to get up but he clamped his elbow on her lap and held her still. He poked at the thing over and over and she had to cover her mouth to stop from herself from screaming. A lot of blood was coming out but he finally felt it come loose and pulled the coat hanger back out.

Christina almost screamed and her eyes fluttered as he tossed the bloody coat hanger into the bathtub. He stood up quickly as Christina grabbed at her crotch and bent over and sobbed into her hand. She looked light headed and he heard something plop in the toilet. He grabbed her arm and helped her up and they both looked down. Something pink and bloody floated around in the center, and Daniel gagged in his mouth with disgust.

"That could have been our baby." she said drunkenly.

"Not anymore." he reached over and hit the handle of the toilet. The blood and the pink blob spun around the outside before being sucked down into the gurgling drain, gone forever. Christina pulled her hand up and saw it was covered with more of her blood.

"Baby I don't feel so good." she said. "I think I'm losing too much blood."

"You'll be fine." he said and handed her a hand towel and she pressed it against her privates. "It's normal."

"No, I really think I'm losing too much blood." she said. "I need you to take me to a hospital." Daniel looked at his phone again. 7:14 P.M. His date with Mandy was at 7:30. The hospital was across town and would take at least twenty minutes to get to. And another twenty minutes back. He made his decision.

"I got to go. You should be fine." he repeated. "Call and ambulance if it's that bad." he said. Christina lunged forward and grabbed him with a bloody hand.

"Please, Daniel. I think... I think... I might die. I'm losing so much blood." she pleaded, her big wet eyes staring up into his own. Daniel twisted away in disgust and wiped the blood on her bed. He tossed her cellphone.

"Call them then. I'm going." He turned and walked away.

"Fine!" she screamed. "If I die it's on you, asshole!"

"Whatever. Bye." he said and walked out the room. It was the last time he saw her alive.

Daniel was on the edge of her bed again, looking down at her as she sobbed into one bloody hand. She picked up the cellphone and tried to dial 911 but her thumb kept slipping on the buttons. She cried and jammed the numbers with her pointer finger and shakily held it up to her ears.

"Hello this is 911 how may I be of assistance?" the operator asked. Christina's eyes flickered and her mouth hung open. "Hello?" Her lips trembled and she tried to form the words. "Miss?"

"Hhhheelp." her voice came out as a tired hiss.

"Were sending an ambulance to your location right now. Stay with me miss. Can you hear me?"

"Mmmyess." she said dreamily. "Mmmbleeeding."

"You're bleeding?"

"Mmyesss. Helllllp. Ppllleeeasssse."

"Miss what is your name?" the operator asked.

"Chri..." her voice trailed off and the phone fell from her hand onto the ground. Daniel watched in horror as she slumped over, her body making stiff movements as her eyes glazed over and went out of focus. Drool dripped down from the corner of her mouth and she died right there sitting against the wall of her room.

Tears fell from Daniel's eyes as he watched her die. He looked down at his hands with shock and disgust.

I let her die. He finally admitted to himself. I fucking let her bleed to death because I wanted to get laid that night. His whole body shook violently and he bent over and retched onto the ground. All I had to do was call up Mandy and tell her I was running a little late. If I did that Christina would still be alive. Oh God! Daniel stood up and looked around wild-eyed. And the worst part is I got away with it. Her mom never saw me there. The medics thought she did it to herself. I was in the clear. No one knew. He looked over at her body. Except me. Daniel pulled out his gun and turned it over in his hands. I got away with it. I always get away with everything. I have to tell someone. I have to pay for this. I have to go to jail. I have to.

Maybe you do.

Daniel looked up to see Christina's corpse staring back at him with her blank eyes. Her mouth moved ever so slightly so the words could escape her raspy throat.

You should admit what you did to me. She said. But not yet. Sophie is still in danger. People are still trying to kill you both. You still need to finish this.

But isn't this what this was all about? He asked back to her.

No. This was you confronting your failures and atoning for them, but it's not why you came all this way. Someone needs your help. Someone innocent is being hurt and only you can save it.

Why me?

Because you are the only one who took the drug and survived. She explained carefully. No one else made it.

Daniel looked down at the gun.

What if I don't want to?

Then you will undo everything you just did to help yourself. You will continue to be the monster you hate so much. Now is your chance not to be a monster, but a hero. Daniel slowly nodded.

You're right. He thought back to her. It's time I do something for someone else for a change. I will save this person and then deal with my sins.

Then you know what you must do. Daniel looked around the room. There wasn't any exits this time. You must end the wicked part of you that's caused all this pain and suffering so you can go on unburdened. Daniel's eyes fixed on the gun.

I understand. I love you, Chrissy. I always did.

I know. She replied. He smiled, put the gun in his mouth, and pulled the trigger.

Chapter Twenty Eight

"Are you awake, Mr. Woldt?" A man asked from above. Daniel opened his eyes to see a man with stringy shoulder length black hair and olive colored skin staring down at him. He was a handsome fellow with sharp cheekbones and dark eyes. He wore a white lab coat and powder blue dress shirt, and his golden cross necklace dangled just above Daniel's face. Behind him Daniel could see a plain white ceiling and a bright fluorescent light fixture.

"Wha--" he groaned and moved his head to the side. "Who are you?"

"Dr. Harold DiMarco. I believe you know my cousin Anthony? You've had quite an adventure since the last time I spoke to him." He pulled his head away. Daniel tried to sit up but his arms wouldn't budge. He craned his neck forward and saw that he was zip-tied to a hospital bed.

"What the fuck?" he pulled at the restraints. "Where am I?"

"You don't need to worry about that, Mr. Woldt. You're no longer in Chicago but you are somewhere safe. That is all you need to know." Harold leaned over and undid the restraints. "That's better."

"What's going on?" he panicked.

"Please calm down, Daniel. If you keep thrashing like this we will be forced to sedate you again."

"Again?" he asked and looked around. He noticed he was in a plain white hospital room with an ECG Heart Monitor machine to his right and a drip IV on his left. Other than the chair he was sitting in there was nothing else, not even a window.

"Yes. Two days ago you entered our Pharmaceutical Building in Downtown Chicago ranting and raving about some brown drug. Some security guard approached you and you attacked them so they had to incapacitate you."

Daniel dropped his head back against the pillow. He felt dizzy and confused.

"I remember now. Anthony told me he got the drug from you. That's why we came here" he asked her.

"Yes. I am sorry about this, Daniel. I can't believe things have gone this far. We developed this new strain of PCP that is supposed to make the user hallucinate as if they were on a stronger hallucinogen while dulling the psychotic effects and disassociation they experience while using it. We were just trying to make a better trip."

"Why?" Daniel asked.

"Because PCP is a big problem. We know we can't stop people from using the drug so we went for the next best thing; dampen the dangerous side effects and make the streets cleaner." he paused. "We've done the same thing with other drugs. Have you ever noticed how heroin, MDMA and cocaine overdoses have gone down in recent years?" Daniel slowly nodded.

"Okayyy. So why did you give it to Anthony?"

"I knew he was a recreational user. I figured we could bypass years of trials by some simple field observation. I know, I know it's not ethical. But honestly none of this is legal because PCP is still a schedule one drug." he said apologetically. "I never thought he would give it to someone else. I guess I was just a little too confident in my compound that I didn't think there would have been a reaction like this, or that others would have been hurt. That's why we brought you out here at one of our remote facilities." Daniel's eyes brightened and he looked over at Harold. "Wait a second, Sophie! Where is Sophie? Is she okay?"

"Your girlfriend is fine." Harold explained. "Sophia Capelli is still in Chicago." his face darkened. "She was in a serious accident. You both were."

"But she's okay, right?"

"Yes, yes." he answered calmly. "She broke her arm and had some internal bleeding but the doctors in Chicago fixed her up. She is resting now."

"What about the gunshot wound?"

"Gunshot wound?" Harold furrowed his brows. "She didn't have any gunshot wounds."

"She was shot! That's why we crashed in the first place!"

"No. I spoke with her briefly earlier today and she said you started screaming about someone trying to kill you and you jerked the wheel to the right and caused the vehicle to go over the bridge."

"They were trying to kill us!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Who?" Harold asked.

"The men with the guns! The hit-men!"

"Daniel there never were any men with guns chasing you. It's all been a delusion."

"A delusion?"

"Yes. I hate to break it to you this way but that psychiatrist you spoke to Michigan was wrong about her diagnosis. You are suffering from a severe case of schizophrenia. She assumed you were just pretending to have the symptoms as a cry for help. We have run tests of our own in our high-tech facilities and we have found numerous anomalies in your brain chemistry and mental patterns. It seems the drug was a catalyst for your innate mental condition and for that I am truly sorry."

Daniel stared at her, his mouth agape. He shook his head back and forth.

"No. No. This is real. This all happened. I was there! I watched Lauren die!" he said frantically. Harold made a sad expression.

"I'm afraid you imagined it all. Lauren... you mean Mrs. Capelli? I spoke with her last night. She was concerned by your behavior and contacted the authorities after you left her home. I had to inform her of her cousin's condition. She was very worried about you."

"But she found biological entities in the drug..."

"No she just found our chemical compound. I'm afraid you hallucinated that as well."

"But everything I went through... you can't tell me that I just imagined that shit!"

"You did. Because all sensory information is processed in the mind it is possible that patients suffering from severe cases of Schizophrenia can see, hear, taste, touch and even feel their illusions as if they were real. As I mentioned before I believe the drug you took acted as a catalyst for your condition." Daniel opened his mouth to counter but nothing came out. Still he shook his head obstinately.

"No, no this isn't happening. It's real. This isn't just some hallucination. Fuck you. This is bullshit! All this shit did not just happen in my head! I swear to God!"

"You can throw a tantrum all you want but it will not change the reality of your situation." he pushed himself to his feet. "Now you need some rest. Go back to sleep and we will sort everything out next time you wake up."

Daniel opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. He huffed and dropped his head back on his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. How the hell can I convince him this is real? He thought to himself. Even he had to admit the whole story sounds ridiculous.

"So you're saying that Lauren is still alive?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes. She is fine and well." Harold answered with a big smile.

"What about Anthony? Is he okay?"

"I couldn't tell you. I checked a few days ago and aunt Franny said he returned from a drug binge but he has since disappeared again." He sighed. "I hope he's okay. Anthony's always been a lost soul. I kinda hoped to help him by giving him safer drugs." Daniel looked away.

"I can't believe this. I can't believe none of this was real."

"I'm sorry. I know you've been through a lot these past few days. You should rest."

"I don't know if I can."

"It's alright. I can get you something to help you sleep." Harold smiled and quickly left the room before Daniel could say anything else.

Daniel ground his teeth and slowly nodded. He began his journey in search for answers but found nothing but more questions every step of the way. Now he had all the answers, and better still, everyone was okay. It all made sense, and if it was true he could get the help he needed and maybe everything will work out in the end. But was it real? Or just another smoke screen for him to wander through in search of the truth? The door opened and Harold came back in the room with a new IV bag and two large orderlies. Daniel watched him change the bag out of the corner of his eye and noted that the fluid looked cloudier. They are trying to drug me. He thought to himself. God knows what they're going to do when I'm out. I can't let them knock me out.

"There you go." He said soothingly. "This should help you get the rest you need."

"Thanks." he smiled. When no one was looking he pinched his IV tube between his pointer finger and thumb.

"I will see you when you awake again. Goodnight." Daniel walked to the door. Daniel yawned and pretended that his eyes were growing heavy.

"Night." he said groggily and lulled his head to the side and pretended to fall asleep. There was a long quiet moment as Harold and the orderlies waited to make sure he was asleep.

"Okay he's out. Take him to the medical wing right away and begin the procedure right away." He instructed and left the room.

Daniel felt the orderlies kick the break on his hospital bed and roll it out of the room. The bed made a stead clinking sound as the rubber wheels bumped down some bright white hallway. Daniel was careful to keep his eyes closed the whole time. He felt like he was on the edge of panic. The voice in his head must have sensed this.

Keep calm. It instructed.

Procedure? What procedure? He asked back.

There is no time to explain. Keep calm. I need you to be focused if we are going to get you out of this situation.

What are they going to do to me?

Just keep calm Daniel Woldt.

How can I keep calm in a situation like this? This is fucking... God I'm so scared.

Please, Daniel Woldt. If you do not keep calm we won't be able to escape.

Daniel did his best to hide his expression. The bed rattled to a stop and he heard one of the orderlies swipe a card through a reader and punch in a pass code. There was a beep and he heard a pair of double doors swing open. The bright light abruptly disappeared as he was moved into a darker and much bigger hallway. He could hear the echo of the rubber wheels and the stomping of feet on some lofty metal ceiling. It was noticeably cooler as well, and as he rolled through he heard strange noises muffled to the point of being indecipherable. Panic swelled again but he kept his cool. Finally the bed came to a stop again, there was another swipe of a card and the doors swung open. He heard the hum of machines and felt the bed stop at last time under some blinding light.

"Is this the subject?" a man's voice asked from above.

"It's him. He said we need to perform the procedure right away." one of the orderlies answered in a hurried voice.

"Understood. Thank you." the doctor replied. He heard the orderlies depart through the door.

"Should we prep the ECG machine?" a female doctor asked.

"No time. It's not going to matter anyways." the doctor said in a hurried voice. "Once the procedure begins we have a small window to complete the extraction." Daniel's heart raced in his chest.

Extraction? What the fuck is he talking about? Oh my God what the fuck is going on? He thought frantically to himself.

Keep. Calm. The voice instructed.

"Should we put him in the brace?" the female doctor asked. Asked this time.

"No time. Hold his head in place. The extraction will just take a few seconds." Daniel felt cool latex press against his cheeks.

"Ready." she said.

"Ok." he heard something heavy being lifted off of a metal table. "Let's begin the procedure." The doctor said, and then he heard the high- pitched whine of a bone saw.

Daniel tensed up and stifled the cry in his throat.

Oh God holy fuck! He screamed in his head.

Keep calm. The voice spoke calmly. We have to wait for the right moment. Just follow your instincts. The saw's whine grew louder as it moved closer, just inches from his head. Now! In one quick motion Daniel yanked the IV from his arm with one hand and reached up and grabbed the male doctor's arm. The doctor gasped and moved to jerk away but Daniel used his strength to push up. In the same moment he jagged the IV needle upwards right into the female doctors eye. She screamed and fell away as the saw arched back and the spinning blade cut into the male doctor's face. Daniel felt warm blood rain down upon him as he pushed harder, digging it deeper into his skull until the man dropped to the ground.

Daniel popped open his eyes and looked over at the female doctor, a portly woman in green hospital scrubs, cowered in a corner. She screamed hysterically as she held her hand over her bleeding eye. Daniel sat up in the bed and hopped off. He reached to his side and grabbed a scalpel, flipped it in his hand so the blade was faced down and then ran at her. The woman feebly raised her hand up to protect herself as he came down on her with the knife. She screamed some more as he stabbed her over and over. He screamed over her and didn't stop until she laid limp on her side, her entire face and body a patchwork of bleeding open wounds. She was dead.

Daniel stared down at her body with wild bewilderment. His chest heaved up and sweat poured down the sides of his face and down his chest and back. Then, all at once, he realized what he had done.

"I killed her." he said quietly to himself. He looked over at the male doctor. "I killed both of them. I'm a fucking murderer. Holy shit this is fucking intense."

No time to think. You have to move now or you will get caught and killed yourself. The voice spoke in a quick, hurried cadence. Daniel slowly nodded.

"Okay. Okay. Oh fuck. Fuck. Okay just lead me to you so I can get this over with." he said quickly, still in shock.

Follow my voice.

Without thinking he tore off his hospital gown and stripped the clothing off the doctor and quickly dressed in his clothing. One pocket felt heavy so he reached inside and pulled out a handgun.

"A glock?" he asked aloud. "What kind of doctor caries a fucking handgun around?" He dug his hand into the doctor's other pockets and pulled out a shiny black key card with the words 'Dr. Farnsworth. Executive Surgeon' printed in small blue letters on the lower right hand corner.

"Dr. Farnsworth? Huh." Daniel put the card back into his pocket and then put on a hair net and a green hospital mask. He walked out the door and looked to the left and the right. He was a long dark metal hallway that stretched on for city blocks in either direction.

Daniel followed the voice and made his way through the winding halls. He passed a few other doctors who, thankfully, did not recognize him. Some even nodded to him. As he walked Daniel looked for any windows or any sort of hint at where he might be.

Where the fuck am I? He thought to himself and he turned into another empty corridor.

I don't know. The voice replied. They moved us after they captured you in Chicago.

Fuck. He looked around for some symbol or insignia that might help. He found nothing. Jesus there's, like, nothing here to tell us where we are.

I think that's the point. These people are trying to hide their identity.

Well their doing a damn good job then. I have no fucking clue what any of this is about.

The man in the room lied to you. It was not a designer drug you took. It was me.

You? Daniel furrowed his brows. What do you mean it was you?

The biological vector the one you call Lauren discovered?

Yeah?

Me.

Daniel came to a stop in the middle of the hallway. A passing nurse gave him a perplexed look.

Keep moving. People will get suspicious. The voice prodded. He did, but slowly.

Whoa whoa whoa. Wait a second... you're saying you are the drug? That a fucking drug is talking to me?

The drug isn't a drug. It's a piece of me.

So... these people took something from you and are having people inject it into their bodies?

Yes.

Why?

I don't know.

What do you know? Daniel asked irritably.

Not much more than you. I am a prisoner too. They do not tell me things. All I can do is observe my environment and make rationalizations.

So no one happened to, you know, say anything?

Just that they are aware of the way my body chemistry affects cognition of other living beings. Make then see things. Turns their minds inside out. It's a defense mechanism.

That's fucked up.

Yes.

Okay... so what exactly are you?

Consciousness.

What the fuck does that even mean?

Exactly. How can you understand an answer if you don't even understand the question.

Well then help me out.

Consciousness does not exist in islands but is a single ocean that all swim in simultaneously. All consciousness beings are connected to one another on some level. Some beings can use this to share their consciousness with others. Bridge the gap between islands, if you will. I am an island that can bridge the gap.

Okay now I'm even more confused.

It is natural. Such things are beyond your comprehension for the time being. All you do need to know is that if you wish to escape this place alive and return to your girlfriend you will need to free me first so, for the time being, concentrate on the task at hand.

Sophie. Right. Daniel picked up his step. Let's do this. Daniel turned another corner and saw Dr. DiMarco walking right toward him.

Daniel panicked and looked around. There was no way Harold was going to not notice it was him. He saw another key card swiper next to a room with thick black glass walls. He quickly took out the card and swiped it. The light turned green and the door unlocked. Daniel let out a sigh of relief and pushed himself inside. The room was dark and smelled terrible, like a combination of animal piss, shit and musk. He heard the hooting sound of monkeys and turned his head to see dozens of cages filled with monkeys. He slowly made his way past them. The monkeys were quiet, their eyes glazed and expressions blank. They slowly turned their heads as he walked past them. Daniel shuttered.

"Fucking creepy." he said quietly.

You have no idea. The voice responded. Keep moving. Whatever you do not stop, no matter what.

Daniel walked into a massive multi-story section of the building with glass walls on either side. Behind the walls he could see lush green ape environments like one would find in a zoo except much nicer looking. Scientists watched as the apes moved around and interacted with one another. Daniel noticed that while many of the apes acted normally some of them were displaying strange behavior. One ape sat in a corner trembling, her arms wrapped around her waist as she hooted and howled at anyone that came by. Another ape paced back and forth, its arms up in the air and its mouth frothed with flecks of saliva as it gibbered and ranted to the ceiling above.

Daniel witness two more apes violently beating another one on the ground with rocks in their hands. These apes were covered in blood and their eyes looked wild and frenzied. He passed an ape with a silver looking coat hunched over the dead body of yet another one. This ape dug its hands into the open torso of the dead one and pulled out fleshy strands of viscera and shoved it in its mouth. Blood dribbled down its chin as it watched Daniel walk past. The scientists just calmly watched the whole thing and even took notes.

This is fucked up. Daniel muttered in his mind.

It will get worse.

Daniel entered another dark room to find a row of apes strapped to chairs on either sides of the room. They were situated in front of a television screen that played flickering images of pleasant images such as babies, balloons, rainbows, other monkeys and other things. Other screens played images of war, famine, death, murder and disease. The ape's heads were cut open so their bloody gray brains were exposed with little metal probes stuck into different lobes. The probes were connected to monitoring machines, and a handful of scientists walked up and down the rows recording information. Some looked up and nodded to Daniel as he passed.

What the fuck is going on here? Daniel asked.

I don't know. Keep moving. The voice answered back.

Daniel walked into a shadowy decontamination chamber and jumped as the door slammed behind him.

Initiating decontamination sequence. A mechanical voice spoke from somewhere above. Red light flooded the room and a light chemical spritz shot out from jets on either side of him. Daniel coughed from the weird smelling stuff and held out his hands. The fluid evaporated off his body in mere seconds. The red lights went off and the doors unlocked.

Decontamination complete. Be sure to wear protective materials when entering the research and development labs. The door before him slid open and he walked into a brightly lit locker room. No one else was in there. He found a puffy white hazmat suit with yellow rubber gloves and reinforced boots in one of the many plain green lockers and slipped it on. He looked into a mirror and saw that only his eyes were visible.

Perfect. He thought to himself. No one will recognize me in this thing.

After the locker room Daniel walked into a huge looming part of the facility with high-security locks. He walked down a long corridor with black marble flooring and a ceiling that was at least fifty feet high. Large glass walls lined the corridor on either side, and on either side of him he could see rooms partitioned off for individual procedures. In one room he saw several sedated apes strapped to gurneys in various stages of vivisection. Daniel could see small containers with the brown fluid nearby. Some of the apes thrashed their head back and forth as the scientists cut into them, their eyes wild and hurt. Daniel shuttered and pressed on.

In another room he found another ape strapped into a raised gurney with its arms out to its side palm facing up in an almost Jesus-like pose. Large black rubber tubes were connected all over its body, and all around her spinning machines pumped fluids in and out of her systems to be analyzed by another computer behind her. A scientist watched the spectacle with muted interest, his stencil scratched down notes on an iPad. In still another room Daniel saw a huge collection of insects swarm around in strange unnatural patterns. In the center he saw a little girl sitting on a bed, her dirty blonde hair hanging down over her face. Every once in a while she would look up and the insects would move wherever she was looking. She then turned toward him and the insects covered the glass panel to obscure everything but her glassy eyes.

"This is wrong. Whatever is going on around here is so fucking wrong." Daniel muttered to himself.

Curiosity of man knows no bounds, whether physically or morally. The voice chided back. That is why I am here.

"These people are experimenting on you like this?" Daniel asked.

Yes.

This is wrong. This is just wrong. Daniel swallowed as he passed another room with a young boy, his head cut open and brain exposes with several neural probes stuck inside. He sat in front of a television screen with random flickering images on it. I have to get you out of this place. This isn't just about Sophie anymore. I can't let this go on.

I am glad you see it that way. Thank you, Daniel Woldt, for understanding.

Don't thank me yet. Daniel looked around for any letterheads or insignias but found nothing. The place was a total mystery. As he walked he noticed something out of the corner of his eyes. Something so bad he stopped right in his tracks.

Daniel pressed his face against the glass for a closer look. He saw an obese and balding man lying on a hospital bed in the center of a tall dark room. A single light beamed down one the man, with his belly, chest and head cut open. Daniel gasped and looked around the man to see a team of doctors cut, scrape and poke at his organs. They had heavy protective clothing draped over their bodies and they were completely covered in environmental suits just like the one he was wearing. Daniel saw the man's head loll back and forth, his eyes open and alert. His face was twisted in an expression of agony. His eyes rolled Daniels way and stared into his own eyes. Daniel felt his blood run cold. The man mouthed 'help me.'

Daniel stared in mute horror for a long moment.

This is just like my nightmare. He thought to the voice. I... went through what that man is going through now.

You must have seen it through our link. The voice spoke back. I have witnessed such things.

But why not sedate him? Why the fuck are they making him go through this shit?

Because they fear the sedating chemicals might adversely affect the living cells inside his body. My living cells.

Fuck. This is wrong. This is so fucking wrong. I can't do this. I can't just walk away. His hand slipped into the breast pocket of his white suit.

What are you doing? The voice asked.

I'm going to stop this. Daniel replied back as his fingers wrapped around the doctors white plastic key card.

You're going to risk ruining everything! The calmness of the voice was gone. For the first time it seemed impatient. Frantic even.

You of all people should know why I'm doing this. He snarled back. The voice said nothing. Daniel slid the key down the slider and the door unlocked. He pushed it open and stepped into the room. The doctors stopped their cutting and probing and looked up, perplexed. One doctor stepped forward.

"State your business." the doctor demanded in a stern voice.

"I'm Doctor Farnsworth. I came to check up on this." Daniel bluffed. The doctors all looked at one another. The man on the table stared at him with them, his eyes dull yet pleading. "You will end this experiment now." The man on the table's eyes went hopeful.

"You're not doctor Farnsworth." the doctor said plainly. "I know Jacob. We play tennis together every Tuesday. And even if you were I'm the head of R&D here so you have no seniority over me." he paused and narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?"

"Well, fuck. I guess it was worth a shot." Daniel pulled out his pistol and fired.

He hit the speaking doctor in the chest. He stumbled backwards and knocked over a medical tool cart with a loud clamor. The others cried out and held up their hands to shield themselves. Daniel shot each in turn. Their blood painted the glass walls and dripped down like globs of paint. Daniel stood there in silence for a moment as he stared at their bodies. He heard the doctor's moan and cry and one even prayed. Daniel walked past the doctors to the patient, stopping only to take the R&D persons card. He stopped at the foot of the bed and stared down at the suffering man. There was no saving him. The man trembled, his wet eyes gleamed under the harsh light. He slowly nodded. Daniel raised his pistol and put him out of his misery.

The man's head snapped back and slumped to the side. The beeps on the heart monitor quickened their pace for a second and then went flat with a single drone. He stood there for another moment and stared at the body.

Nine. He thought to himself. So far I've killed nine people today. My God I can't believe this is all happening.

We need to keep moving. The voice implored.

I know. Daniel replied. I just need a second. I have to take this all in.

We don't have a second.

Shut the fuck up. The voice went quiet. How many innocent people were tortured by these fucking people? How big is this? This is... this is straight out of some horror movie.

How many more will suffer if we do not end this? The voice asked rhetorically. Daniel slowly nodded. Just then a loud blaring alarm went on and echoed down the hallways. Daniel could see people stream out of the glass rooms and form a stream down the hallway toward the way he came. They will be here any moment now.

You're right. Daniel thought back to the voice. I'm sick of these people. Let's finish this. Daniel left the room and walked down the hallway.

Twenty Nine

Strangers streamed by Daniel as he walked deeper into the building. No one said anything to him. He rounded a corner into an empty hallway and continued forward. A pair of security guards rounded the corner and raised the guns.

"There he is!" screamed one of the guards. "Get him!"

"Oh shit!" Daniel screamed and rolled behind another corner as bullets stitched the ground in front of him. He pressed his back against the wall and looked to the left and the right and found another key slider next to a sliding black door. He could hear the thud of footsteps coming closer.

"Fuck fuck fuck." he chanted as he slid the new card down the reader. The light turned green and the door opened up.

Daniel found himself in was the most disturbing yet. It was lit by a low yellow light like that of fire. All around him he witnessed dozens of large glass tanks filled with a green fluid. Inside the tanks he could see what looked like malformed biological specimens. They were ugly things, lumps of dull clay colored flesh with vaguely human features. Some had tentacles instead of arms while others were little more than heads on long thing tube like stalks of flesh. Others had long spindly limbs or short stubby ones. Some had squished and deformed human faces that were squished together or just plain wrong. One had a pair of black eyes on its forehead, a huge jutted jaw and no nose. Another had a mouth on his forehead and eyes where its mouth should be. A third had no mouth or nose but was nothing but a blocky head with dull gray featureless eyes. Its body was long and thin and lacked arms or legs.

It looked like the sperm creature from his nightmare.

"What... the fuck." Daniel muttered to himself, too disturbed to think of anything else to say.

Experiments.

"I can see that. Of what?"

Me. And others of your kind. Daniel looked closely at the information underneath the experiments. They had dates, times, the names of chemical compounds and environmental statistics and a pair of percentile numbers. One was marked with 'Human' and the other 'Unknown.'

"Oh my God this is like some science fiction shit!"

No, it is real. This is what happens when scientists get a hold of something they do not understand. They experiment. It is to be expected. Daniel shuttered.

He heard banging on the doors behind him as the guards fumbled for a way to get inside. "Let's just keep moving. I don't want to see this shit anymore." He slid his card in another reader and another metal door slid open and he walked through.

Daniel stepped into a lofty dark complex of hallways connected by cross-sections. Each block was a high-security cell with someone, or something, hidden in their shadowy recesses He walked past one and came to a stop. The room was red and was fixed with faux caves and sand. Daniel looked in to see the creepy monkey creatures he encountered in his nightmare lumber out of the cave and hiss at him. One of them kicked at the ground and rammed into glass window. It shook and a spritz of its purple blood was left behind.

"Holy shit I've seen them before." he muttered. "What the fuck are they?"

Its best you do not know.

Daniel heard the doors swing open on the other side of the hallway. He pressed up against the wall again and peeked around the corner. He could see Harry DiMarco standing in the middle of a platoon of heavily armed security guards.

"Daniel Woldt I know you're here!" he screamed aloud. His voice echoed up and down the hallways and agitated some of the animals. "You've killed a dozen people already today. This needs to end right now, sir. Come out and we will detain you but we promise we won't kill you."

"Bullshit!" Daniel screamed back. "You were going to fucking cut my head open and scoop out my brain. Do you think I'm stupid enough to believe you won't try it again?" He heard Harold click his tongue.

"We can't let you leave this facility but we don't have to kill you. We have less lethal ways of extracting the specimen. I'm sure you want that thing outside your body, right? We can make that happen and we can put you somewhere safe and comfortable for the rest of your life." he paused. "We'll even bring your girlfriend here to live with you. She is infected too, you know. We can get it out of her too."

He's lying Daniel Woldt! They will kill you! The voice spoke back.

No shit. Shut up and tell me how to get out of this situation! He snarled back. He could hear the guards spread out and move down the hallways toward him. They each wore protective gear and carried a sub-machine gun. He didn't stand a chance taking them on. What the fuck do we do? The voice went quiet for a moment, as if pondering.

Free them. The voice instructed. Daniel looked around, confused.

Who?

Them. The voice repeated, and Daniel's eyes settled on the mutant monkey cages.

Daniel nodded his head and pulled out his card.

But won't they attack me? He asked the voice.

They have my DNA in them so I won't let them. The voice replied back.

Okay if you say so... Daniel maneuvered around the corner and slid the card down the reader as a guard came into view. Daniel twirled around a corner as bullets stitched the ground right by him. The door slid open and he heard a loud crackling whoop as the monkey creatures charged out of their cages and bounced down the hallway toward the guard. Daniel heard screaming and the sound of gun shots and tearing flesh.

Daniel crept along the cell and walked down a different hallway. More guards rushed toward him, their boots echoed against the hard ground. Some stopped to help the guard being attacked by the monkeys while others fanned out to surround him. Daniel used the key to open more cells and stood back to watch the chaos. More monkey monsters climbed over guards and bit into their necks. A horned six-legged rhinoceros creature charged out of another cell and impaled another guard against the side of a wall. He opened another cell and a trio of those wriggling sperm like things slithered out and rushed toward another pair of guards. They fired at the ground but the sperm creatures were too quick. They wrapped themselves around the security guards legs and climbed up their body and, to Daniel's horror, they slammed their head into the guard's mouths and forced themselves down their throats. They choked and struggled and then fell to the ground in writhing agony.

Daniel came a very large room and opened it up. The massive doors slid open and he peered inside. He could see an enormous creature sitting on the ledge of the room, its huge yellow saucer eyes peered down at him from above. The creature must have been at least fifteen feet in height sitting down, its arms and legs thin and lanky. It's overly long torso was hunched at the waist, and its hands and feet had a dozen splayed fingers each. The creature had no neck and its head was shaped like a square rock. It had a mouth but no eyes or ears, just protruding bumps where they should be.

"You are free." Daniel said. The creature opened its mouth and a loud creaking sound like boulders grinding against one another came out.

The giant slowly rose to its feet and stomped out of the room. Each footstep shook the ground as it went, and Daniel smiled as he heard the guards panic and open fire. The giant roared and he heard a smash and a splatter. Satisfied, he slipped out the room into the carnage.

The scene was chaos. He heard gunshots, screaming men, roaring monsters and a very angry giant smash everything in sight. The long tormented creatures wanted their pound of flesh. Blood was everywhere. He walked in the midst of it all and no one noticed. It all felt so surreal, and for the first time in a while he realized that he didn't feel high.

In fact he never felt more sober in his life.

Daniel calmly reached the back door of the facility and opened it with the card. One of the security guards saw this and raised his gun but screamed out as a giant foot stepped on him and smeared him against the marble ground. Daniel looked up at the giant and nodded. It slowly returned the gesture and then let out a roar and charged at another guard. Daniel turned around and walked into a long white hallway with no doors or windows. There were warning signs everywhere but he ignored them, his eyes focused on the metallic door ahead.

He slid the car again and stepped inside another red decontamination chamber filled with metal girders and drain troughs.

Decontamination process initiated. Please hold your breath and close your eyes for the process. A pleasant female voice said through speakers hidden in the wall. Daniel winced as he felt himself get sprayed with sanitizing chemicals. Decontamination complete. Please proceed forward. The door on the other side slid open and he stepped out into another white hallway. He could see small windows to an even larger white room, the same one he saw in his vision in the hotel room. In the center was that large hyperbolic chamber with the golden glow inside. He felt his heart beat in his chest.

I can see you. He thought.

Free me. The voice pleaded.

I plan on it. He replied. He looked in to see every one of the scientists had stopped doing whatever they were doing and were now staring right at him. Harold stood right in front of the chamber, his hands folded under her chest. There's no turning back now. He walked up to the door, slide his card through the reader stepped inside the room.

Daniel stared right at Harold. He could see several other scientists in the room as well as two armed guards. Everyone looked between the two, unsure exactly what was happening. Harold stared back with a stern expression on his face, but Daniel could see sweat bead down his temples and neck.

"Mr. Woldt." He said flatly, letting the word hang in the air like a question. "How did you get here?"

"Does it matter?" he asked back. "You were going to kill me!" Harold didn't respond, but his eyes darted to the side. He looked over to see the pair of security guards had their guns aimed at him.

"You should reconsider your situation, Mr. Woldt." he said, his voice breaking ever so slightly.

"Why? You were going to cut out my brain anyways. This way if I go you will go with me."

"Please, Mr. Woldt." he said through choked words. "Daniel. Please don't kill me."

"What you're doing here..." Daniel shook his head. "It's fucking sick. All these people... animals... whatever the fuck it is you have in those cells... what is this all about? Why are you people doing this?"

"Put the gun down kid!" One of the security guards screamed.

"Don't make us shoot you!" Screamed the others.

"Fuck off!" he screamed to both of them.

"They will kill you Mr. Woldt!" Harold screamed. "Please, enough people have died today!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? I just watched some of your scientists dissect a man while he was still conscious! I had to put the poor mutherfucker out of his misery!" One of the doctors cried out.

"Please please please..." she pleaded.

"Shut the fuck up!" Daniel screamed and she sobbed even harder. "Goddamnit. I've been through hell because of you people so, for the love of God, tell me what is this all about?!

"Put the gun down, kid!" The first security guard screamed again! Daniel looked over at him then back at Harold.

"Mr. Woldt, please..." He pleaded.

"Not until I know what's going on!" he screamed back. "Now fucking tell me or I'll shoot you too!" Harold stifled a cry and he could see a dark stain grow down the front of his blue slacks.

"Okay okay okay." he said as he patted the air. "I'll tell you."

"Who are you people?" he asked.

"Contractors." He said in a shaky voice. "We are scientists, chemists, biologists and psychologists who work for a company known as Fletcher and Dorn. It's a subsidiary of another company who's hiding its identity for obvious reasons. The kind of work we do here... it does not comply with the standards of ethics that is expected of most companies."

"No shit." Daniel snarled.

"But the work we do here has vast potential for the betterment of humanity." He went on, gaining confidence with each word. "It is beyond ethics. It is beyond morality. We want to make Earth a better place. To do this we have to ignore the standards and expectations of others to do what is right."

"Right? You're trying to justify it all?"

"Yes. If a few have to suffer for the betterment of not the many, but all, is that not right?"

"Easy for you to fucking say! You're not one of the few suffering for the many!"

"If you think I am not haunted by the things we do here..." he clenched his jaw and shook his head. "It doesn't matter either way. You are no innocent person, Mr. Woldt. You know this better than anyone else."

Daniel gritted his teeth and looked down. The sobbing of the scientists rang out like agonized notes in the bright white room.

"You're right." He said at length. "I deserved everything I went through. But what about the others, huh? What about all the innocent people you hurt?" Harold didn't say anything. "See! It's bullshit!"

"I said my work haunts me." He said in a low voice. "But it is a sacrifice I am willing to make for the betterment of the whole."

"What the fuck ever!" Daniel wiped the sweat from his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Okay, so you're doing this to help mankind, fine. But what are you doing? What are these creatures?"

"We found them."

"Where?"

"All over the world." He half-answered.

"What are they?" he asked. He squared his jaw and more sweat ran down his cheeks.

"Put the gun down kid!" the security guard screamed again.

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Please, stop antagonizing him, Jim. We can talk this out." Harold said to the guard. He turned back to Daniel. "I can't tell you." He answered. "There are some things... that you just can't know."

"I'll fucking kill you!" he screamed.

"Go ahead." He said firmly. "You've seen the lengths we've gone to for our cause. I will die for it if I have to."

Several of the doctors cried out again from their cowering positions. Daniel felt his eyes water and faltered, his grip on his gun loosened up. He looked at the group of scientists crying and praying and kissing pictures of their children and felt bad for the first time. These people honestly believe they are saving the world, even if it means hurting a few people. Daniel hurt people for his own selfish reasons so how could he judge?

"The brown drug." he said in a low voice. "What the fuck is the brown drug?"

"A few years ago the carcass of a dead creature was discovered in a remote wooded area in Northern Wisconsin by a pair of hunters. They buried the carcass in a clearing in the woods and left it there to rot in the sun. After time its necrotic bodily fluids escaped and drained into the ground where it seeped into the water main of a small family new to the area. The family began manifesting symptoms similar to yours and the father was driven mad and murdered his wife and attempted to murder his son before being shot himself by the son's girlfriend." Harold spoke in quick bursts.

"Okay." Daniel furrowed his brows.

"There's more. Scientists looked into the situation and discovered that the boy had burned the body of the creature before it could be examined. They decided to investigate the woods further and discovered a ship that had crashed into the woods, a scientific transport plane. On the ship they discovered a large white tank filled with salt water and..." she looked behind her at the tank. The gentle golden glow emanated through the window. "We found it."

"What is it?" Daniel asked. Harold shrugged.

"We do not know exactly. It seemed to be sleeping when we first encountered it and took samples of its DNA. It's... like nothing we've ever seen before. It's DNA has a third helix that we have discovered acts like a beacon and an antenna."

"For what?"

"Control. This creature is capable of sending out some sort of mental signal that can be picked up by the DNA strands. The receiver helix then instructs the rest of the DNA how to behave."

"So it can control its own DNA?" he asked. "With its mind?"

"Yes. It can control its own bodily functions, its metabolism, and the strength of the signals its mind and body transmits to one another and even heal itself by accelerating its cellular division and growth." He went on.

"And by injecting it into a host it can grant these abilities to them." Daniel finished. Harold nodded his head.

"Yes." He answered. "The cells are attracted to neural activity like metal to magnets and bond with the host's brain. By doing so it allows someone how knows how to use them to hack into the hosts brain and rewrite whatever they wish. Imagine the possibilities, Mr. Woldt! If we could properly learn how to manipulate the cells we can fix any problem mankind has. Any disease can be reprogrammed and eliminated. AID'S, Cancer, MS... All gone within years! So too with Metabolic Disorders, Auto-Immune Diseases and even simple things like the common cold and flu. Furthermore enhanced cellular regeneration means that damaged organs and tissues can be replaced. Scars fixed. Cosmetic procedures to change ones appearance can be developed too. Even mental disorders like Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar, Dissociative Personality Disorder and even abhorrent sex-drives can be fixed with a few hours of treatment!"

Daniel stared down at his hands, thinking.

"All this from this poor creature in that tank?" he asked.

"Yes. This creature is a panacea for all man's ills. Once we discover all the secrets we can use the knowledge to save mankind." Harold went on.

"But why the drug?" he asked. "Why give the fucking drug to people? Why put them through all this in the first place?"

"We needed real world studies of the drug's effects on the subject." He explained. "We've monitored subjects here in our labs, as well as animal studies and we have learned a lot but we need real world data. We cannot reveal to the world our cure because then we would have to disclose the creature's existence, and as I said, mankind is not ready to know about it."

"So you put it in vials and give it to dealers to sell as street drugs?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, yes. What better way to test something like this? I do not mean to offend, but people who use these sort of drugs are expected to have strange behavior, and in general they are lost causes to the world." He gave Daniel a cold look. "We're just making the most of the resources at hand."

"Resources at hand! They are people!" Daniel screamed. Harold didn't reply again. "Why the fuck am I seeing shit anyways? What's with the endless trip?"

"It's a curious bi-product of the integration process." He explained. "When the cells bond with your brain they change it. They alter your brain so it can receive the signals from the source and expand it. Unfortunately this means the host suffers from a very potent form of Schizophrenia as signals are mixed up and memories of the host, and even of the source are, well, brought to life so to speak. The host experiences a severe hallucinogenic trip as a result."

"So you knowingly put me in this situation, knowing this would happen to me?" he asked. Harold flinched again, expecting Daniel to shoot him. "Wait a second. What about the hit men? The people trying to kill me?"

"Honestly I do not know for sure. I believe that there are those within Fletcher and Dorn that do not agree with the program, people in top echelon that think it is too risky for humanity to have subjects like you running around in the real world without strict supervision. I believe they hired a few men and woman to 'take care' of you and the others so as to not risk exposure to the populace, but that is just speculation. "

"How many others were there?"

"A dozen maybe. Probably less." He paused for a moment. "It seems, however, that you were the only one that they haven't gotten too yet."

"I'm the last one." he said breathlessly. Harold nodded solemnly.

"Daniel." He said calmly. "Daniel, please, stop this. You've murdered people here. The test subjects you have freed had to be put down and if you free this creature behind me we will lose any progress we've made with this project. Please, put the gun down and surrender. We will not harm you. We need you now since you're the last one. We can make a comfortable life here for you and your girlfriend since she is now infected too, just like I promised. You'll never have to worry about anything ever again and you will be helping humanity in the process. Just put down the gun and we can make things right."

Daniel closed his eyes and smiled. He laughed and looked around at everyone. Harold shifted his weight and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"What's so funny?" she asked nervously.

"You think I'm that stupid, huh? Nice speech but just an hour ago you ordered someone to cut my head open and take out my fucking brain! Did you think I forgot about that? Do you think for a fucking second that I believe that bullshit? That you won't wait till I finally do fall asleep and then kill me? Jesus Christ I know people think I'm dumb but come on!"

"Mr. Woldt..."

"Shut the fuck up you stupid prick! What about the real company that owns you? Can you really trust them to uphold your campaign to save the world? I bet the 'cure' you're developing will only be available for those who could afford it. It's going to make you guys rich. And what if it falls into the wrong hands? Have you people even considered that, or were you all too blinded by your desire to help the world that just ignored that possibility? And even if this is all for good the simple fact that you are going this far to accomplish it means you do not have the best interests for humanity. How does that saying go? The road to hell is paved with good intentions?"

"You're nihilistic predilections can't be more wrong, Mr. Woldt. We are the good guys, Daniel. It's that simple." Daniel growled and shook his head violently.

"My God you keep trying to convince yourselves you are the fucking good guys. You keep trying to justify the torture of innocent people and ruining the lives of others. You enslaved an innocent creature and you call yourselves the good guys? Fuck this. I'm done listening to your bullshit. I don't even care if you people kill me anymore I can't just stand here and let you get away with this."

"Mr. Woldt. This is your life we are talking about here. If you pull that trigger than these will kill you, understand? This isn't a game." Harold desperately screamed. Daniel hesitated. Sweat beaded down his own temple. The gun shook in his hands so hard he almost dropped it. He was terrified of dying, but he knew that he would be killed either way. No way were they going to let him walk out the facility alive. Not after what he did to him.

And her.

"Fuck it." Daniel said with a nervous shrug. "If I'm going out you motherfuckers are coming with me." He raised his pistol and fired.

Harold cried out and fell back against the tank. A second bullet hit the tank itself and made a large spider-webbed bullet hole in the side. Pressurized air hissed out through the cracks. The doctors screamed and a few made it for the door. The guns of the security guards went off twice and he felt one hit him in the chest and the other in his shoulder. Daniel cried out and fell to the floor. The gun tumbled away from his hand. Harold gasped and held his hand over his gut as blood poured through his fingers. He looked up at him in shock as he held his bleeding wounds.

"You stupid moron!" He screamed. He sounded angry for the first time. "You stupid, stupid asshole!" Daniel heard the heavy footsteps of the security guards as they approached, their pistols still raised. "I was honestly going to try to help you."

"Bullshit, bitch." Daniel hissed through blood-stained teeth. "You were going to kill me anyways."

"It doesn't matter anymore, does it? Now you went too far. Kill him please." Harold threw an arm around the tank to brace himself, his breathing labored.

"With pleasure sir." the second security guard said as he walked up to Daniel and kicked him onto his back. "Fucking shit stain."

"God, please don't kill me!" Daniel pleaded. The realization that he was about to die suddenly kicked in and he was terrified. "Please, please I don't want to die. I don't want to die this way."

"Should have thought about that before shooting the doc here." The first security guard lectured. She raised the pistol so it was aimed right at Daniel's head. Daniel closed his eyes and braced himself for the unknown.

The security guard did not fire. He peeled one eye open to see the woman shake violently, her eyes wide with terror. Daniel lolled his head to the other side to see the second security guard doing the same. Both shook like leaves.

"What are you waiting for? Kill him!" Harold screamed.

"They're... they're all over the place!" the first security guard screamed.

"What are you talking about? Kill him!" Harold desperately repeated. "Now!"

"Don't hurt me!" the second security guard stumbled away and threw up his hands in a defensive position. "Fuck fuck don't fucking hurt me!" The first dropped her gun to the ground and swatted at something on her arms and necks and screamed.

"What are you two doing? Shoot him already!" Harold pleaded. The second security guard turned to the first, screamed, and then shot the woman in her temple. Her head snapped to the side and she fell to the ground in a jerky spasm. Harold screamed too and the man put the gun into his mouth.

"You'll mever make me amive amain!" he screamed. "Umited Mates Marime More!" he pulled the trigger.

The top of the security guard's head exploded with a hazy red mist and his body dropped hard to the ground. Harold watched in disbelief.

"What the hell? My God... what just happened? I don't understand?" He muttered to himself. Daniel's eyes moved to the hissing hole in the tank and understood.

"Revenge." he answered solemnly.

"Revenge?" Harold asked, confused. "What do you mean reven--" Something hard hit against the glass next to him, spreading the spider web of cracks all over the window. He jumped up and turned around. "Oh no." The thing hit the glass again and shattered it, sharp shards burst out around him. Harold screamed and turned to run away when a thick white tentacle lashed out wrapped around his waist. He screamed even more it dragged him into the tank, sharp shards of glass cut bloody gashes along his arms and legs. There was a loud crunch sound and blood spurted from the busted window. The screaming cut off abruptly and left a hollow note of agony ring in the air.

Daniel coughed up some blood and pushed himself to his feet. He hadn't even noticed that the scientists had left the room, leaving him alone with the thing. He shambled toward the chamber, bloody footprints marked every step. He felt light headed from blood loss and knew he didn't have a lot of time left before he passed out. He heard something slide around inside the tank accompanied by the crunch of bones and a slobbery chewing sound. It was horrible but he was not afraid of it. Everything started to get really bright and all the colors took on a bleached outlook. The sirens grew distant and almost quiet. Daniel ignored it and approached the chamber. Glass crunched underneath his ill-fitted shoes.

"It's you." Daniel said with quiet reverence. "You're the one who's been talking to me all this time."

Yes. It replied in the same calm voice as before. Thank you, Daniel Woldt, for saving me. Daniel shrugged.

"It was the right thing to do, right?" He asked rhetorically and even laughed. It sounded hollow and toneless, like the laugh of someone in another room. Images flared before his vision and bled into them so he couldn't tell what was fake and what was real. For a moment it looked like he was sitting in a dark padded cell staring at a wall. A man in a white coat stared at him from through a little round window. The vision bleached back and he was in front of the tank again. "Sthattsss weird."

You have done enough today. I can take over from here. The voice chided. Another vision flashed and he was now laying on his back on his bed staring up at the turning ceiling fan. He could see an empty drug vial next to him on his bed.

"I'm feeling very... sleeeeepy." Daniel muttered.

That's okay. Close your eyes. The voice prodded. Another vision flashed and he was now in a hospital with his eyes half-closed. The room was dark and it rained outside. He could feel Sophia's warm arm wrapped around his own. She was sleeping.

"Sophie." he murmured. His vision faded back and he was now reaching his hand inside the tank. A smooth warm white tentacle was wrapped around his arm.

I'm here, baby. The voice sounded like a mixture of Sophie's and the creature. The vision switched back and he was in Christina's bedroom. Sophie, or Christina (he couldn't really tell) was lying next to him. The walls were charred black and heavy with smoke. A golden pentagram was on the wall. He looked into their composite face and smiled. She smiled back.

"I love you." he said.

I love you too. The voice replied back, now equal tones of all three. I will give you one last gift for all you've done for me. She leaned him and kissed him softly on the lips. The vision faded back and he was now looking at a writhing mass of... what? He couldn't make it out. But, in the center of all the chaos a single eye opened up and stared him in his own. Everything faded away until all he could see was that one eye. You can never escape the hell you will endure but I can make an island of paradise in the ocean of your torment, Daniel Woldt. Do you accept this gift?

"I..." Daniel breathed the word. "...do."

Than it is yours. Goodbye. The voice's words rang like a bell and hung in the air. The eye glowed so bright Daniel was encased in its golden light. He smiled at its warmth and closed his eyes.

Then everything turned white.

Epilogue

Ending One - The Original Ending

Far away in another world Daniel and Sophie were holding hands. They were in a poorly-lit room buried deep in a remote facility far away from human civilization. The two were laying side by side in matching hospital beds. They had identical heart monitors, IV's and hospital smocks, and both of their heads were shaved. Thin white and pink scars chis-crossed their heads, arms and chests where they endured repeated surgeries. Metal probes jutted out of the top of their heads, each with long twisted black chords that were connected to a pair of monitoring machines. Behind a glass observation room a pair of scientists looked on with matching expressions of perplexity.

"I don't get it." one of them said, a short thin tweed of a man with thick black glasses and a jutting overbite. He looked up at his superior, a big fat bald man with a short trimmed beard and sweat that beaded down the side of his head.

"Yeah, me neither." he mumbled. The fat man scratched his head. "None of this makes sense. We've been watching these two for five years and nothing has changed."

"When did it start?" asked the smaller man.

"After we took the man into custody. The MP said they were in the middle of interrogating him and he just sort of zonked out. He was brought her to undergo strict monitoring and isolation because of his contact with the unknown organism. The woman is apparently his lover and, according to Dr. Licht she fell unconscious at the exact same moment in the Chicago Hospital where she was being treated for injuries sustained during a car accident."

"At the exact same moment?" the smaller scientist echoed.

"Yep. 1:46 P.M. on June 12th." The fat man shook his head. "We were afraid she may have become infected with the same organism so they brought her here too." He blinked. "As soon as they were put together in their rooms their bodily functions synched with one another."

"Synched?"

"Yes. Their hearts beat in unison. As does their breathing. The strangest part, though, is the fact that both had fallen into a deep coma and are completely disconnected with the world yet their minds seem to respond to one another."

"Like how?"

"Welll, this is really strange, but they do not feel any pain or respond to any external stimuli yet their brains show activity like they were. Visual, olfactory, tactile, oral and auditory stimuli manifest in their brains simultaneously. Stranger still, when one shows activity the other than manifests the same stimuli."

"So... you're saying they are both seeing and experiencing the same thing at the same time?"

"Exactly. They seem to have some rich inner life they are living that only the two of them are experiencing yet we have no idea why they are doing this."

"The organism." the smaller scientist said with wonder. "This is amazing."

"I know. We have monitored their activity, taken biopsies and exploratory surgery and yet we still can't find what's happening and how."

"I don't know." the scientist looked at their folded hands and the identical smiles of contentment on their faces. "But judging by their expressions they seem to be happy."

"Indeed." The bigger scientist affirmed. "Whatever world they are living in it looks like it's a hell of a lot better than the one we are stuck in."

Ending Two - Drug

Daniel coughed and opened his eyes. The room was dark and above his ceiling fan spun in a slow, languorous rotation that threw choppy flashes of light in his eyes. Daniel groaned and threw his elbow over his eyes. He felt his stomach grow very sour and rolled over in time to vomit over the side of his bed. He stared down at the yellow pile for a long while, his bleary eyes unable to focus.

"Fuck man." he groaned and rolled onto his back again. "Did that just happen? Jesus. Worst trip ever." He thought about all that had happened, from talking to Anthony to his parents basement to the hospital to the clinic to the carnival and finally to Chicago. "Jesus this shit is intense." Daniel looked over and saw the empty vial laying just feet away on the bed.

Daniel grabbed it and held it up to the light. It was empty except for a small volume of brown fluid at the bottom.

"Fuck PCP. I'm done with this shit." He tossed it against the wall and sat up. He stared blankly at his wall. "I gotta clean my act up. What if this was a message or something?" he shrugged his shoulders. "Nahh... but I ain't ever doing that again. Fuck drugs. Not after that trip." He remembered Sophie and felt a pang of guilt. "I hurt her." he thought aloud. "God I'm such an asshole. She was the only good thing that ever happened to me and I pushed her away because..." he went quiet as he remembered his father and the murder. "No, I'm not going to run away this time. I'm going to make things right this time."

Daniel picked up his cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hello?" Mandy asked. "Who's this?"

"Sophie? It's me, Danny. I got a new phone..."

"Who the fuck is Sophie?" Mandy asked. "Jesus Danny I thought we were taking a break, not seeing other people."

"No baby you're the only one for me. Sorry I just had a weird dream. Look So-I mean Mandy can we talk?"

"Unless you give up drugs and apologize we have nothing to talk about."

"Okay than I give up drugs and I am sorry for what I did to you." Daniel said.

"Heard that before."

"I mean it so- Mandy. I had the worst trip of my life and it put things in perspective for me. I realized all the horrible things I put you through and I can't tell you how horrible I feel. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I love you, Mandy. I love you with all my heart. Please, baby, please give me one more chance?"

There was a long moment of silence on the other end, and Daniel could hear her breathe hard.

"Look, Danny. God why do you have to do this to me right now?" she said, her voice thick with emotion. "You have the worst timing you know that?"

"I know." he agreed with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, you do." she paused. "I'll tell you what, I have to get ready for work but I will call you when I get off. Then we can talk about this."

"Okay. I got a lot of things to take care of today anyways." he said giddily.

"I bet you do. Just try not to shoot anything up your veins until then, okay?" she asked.

"Never again. Promise."

"I'll hold you too that." she said. "Later."

"I love you, Mandy." he said desperately. There was a long pause.

"I love you too." Mandy hung up and Daniel stared blankly at the phone for a long while. He then punched in another number with his thumb.

"Hello, is this the Campton Police Department?" he asked. "Good. I have a crime to report."

Ending Three - Schizophrenia

"Hello Daniel." Mandy said from behind. Daniel didn't look at her as she walked up behind him. He couldn't. He was catatonic. Daniel was in his usual place, a small wooden nook built one the third floor of the asylum they kept him in. While others watched television or played board games Daniel preferred to just stare out the Western facing window so he could watch the sun set every day. He loved the feeling of the warm light, a beautiful golden glow that saturated many of his hallucinations. After the sun went down they moved him to another corner of the room next to an old light fixture that cast an ugly sooty light. He hated that light and the nightmares it brought with it.

Mandy came into view and sat down across from his wheelchair on the wooden ledge. She was older now, maybe her mid-forties, and had gained a few pounds but still looked every bit as beautiful to him as she did ten years ago. Daniel's eyes slowly rotated so he was looking at her but he made no other movement. Mandy winced like she always did but kept a straight face.

"How are you?" she asked. He didn't answer. "Look, I... I never know what to say, you know? These visits are so hard on me, on both of us I'm sure, but I love you too much to just let you be." she looked down and fidgeted with her hands. "I... I have something to tell you. Tom and I... we are getting married. You will always be the love of my life, okay, but you are sick, baby. And it's not going to get better. We both know that." she swallowed. "And Tom is a great man. He takes care of me. He loves me. I wish it was you that I was going to marry but... circumstances conspired. I have to move on. I have to, and I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry but I just can't. I hope you understand."

Daniel moved his eyes but there was no sign of emotion or response. Sophie gave him a bittersweet smile and stood up. She kissed him on the cheek.

"Goodbye, my love." she said and then walked past him. A single tear rolled down his cheek but he said nothing.

"Its okay." said another voice. "You're not alone, are you?" Daniel's eyes rolled up and he saw Christina sitting where Mandy was moments before. She was young and pretty just like he remembered her.

"No." Daniel choked out in a hoarse voice and managed a smile. Christina walked over and sat down on his lap and kissed him softly on the lips.

"We'll always be together." she purred. "Not even death can keep us apart."

"I... love... you." he managed.

"And I love you Daniel Woldt. With all my heart." She laid her head on his shoulder. Not far away a nurse turned and saw Daniel sitting alone in the sunlight with a smile on his face.

"Poor man." she lamented. "He must be so lonely."

Ending Four - Hell

Daniel opened his eyes and found Christina laying there with him, her blue eyes sparkling in the darkness. They held each other close, their noses touching. They were in her room again on her bed but the scene was different. Everything was charred black and melted. The sour tang of smoke hung in the air and there was no source of light other than an ugly sooty yellow glow from the bathroom. Just over her bed was a large golden pentagram pendant, the scowling goat head stared down at him with disgust.

It was always too hot or too cold in the room, never comfortable. The toilets always overflowed and the food they found was rotted and filled with insects.

Outside they could the ruins of Chicago, a huge mountainous mass of gray concrete and broken glass. Radiation was still everywhere, and often times Daniel felt himself grow sick and his nose bleed and his hair fell out in large clumps. The sky was a plain inky black and the moon a bloody dot in the sky, the only real source of color other than the yellow of barrel fires or red splatter of blood. When they left their apartment to scavenge for supplies they were attacked by hoards of desperate fellow condemned looking to take whatever they had. Sometimes they took their anger and frustration out on the two and beat them until they were little more than bloody masses. Other times they held them down, unzipped their flies and took their flesh. They always took something. That's hell in a nutshell.

It never gives and always takes.

They could never be happy here. Janelle was right. It wasn't constant torture but denial of happiness. The food was never enough. You could never really empty your bowels. You never felt safe or comfortable. Plus there was more esoteric horrors in this place; the knowledge that you could never escape. You could never change. Never better yourself. Never be happy.

Except, Daniel did find happiness.

He found Christina after she was attacked by a group of thugs. He took the beating for her until the thugs grew bored and left them alone. They had a long tearful reunion and she showed him to her safe spot, her room, where no one ever found them or attacked them. There they could be together and share brief moments of happiness. Daniel reached forward and brushed a strand of Christina's black hair aside. She smiled and touched his face.

"What should we do today?" she asked. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"The same thing we do every day." he replied and held her closer. "At least they can't take this away from us."

"No, they can't." she agreed. "I guess love is stronger than death."

"Or hell." Daniel added.

"Or hell." she agreed. "I love you Daniel Woldt."

"I love you too Christina." he leaned in and they shared a soft kiss. They heard the whistle of a bomb fall from the sky and knew, in a few seconds, it would ignite and send a wave of agonizing flames over their bodies and incinerate them to piles of ash, only so they could reform so it could do it again sometime soon. But it was okay.

Because they were together.

The End.

