LOUIS CK: I'm on a new diet, feels good man, I'm on that new diet. 
You know that new diet where you can eat steak with butter on it?
You can eat burgers and you can have fries.	
Ice cream, cake and doughnuts.	
And you just get fat like a pig, and you keep eatin' anyway. 
And you feel shitty. 
You eat more, you jerk off, and go to sleep. AUDIENCE LAUGHS
That's my new diet. It's a very popular diet. 
It's got a, you're on that, too? Yeah, it's very popular. 
It's got a name. It's called, just fuckin' eat it! You're gonna eat it, eat it you fat shit, eat it! 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: That's what it's called. 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
And I get away with it. I can eat whatever, and I just get fat, it's no problem for me. It doesn't matter what I eat, I just gain weight. It's so easy.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK:  I'm lucky.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: Man, it's brutal.  I hate it. 
You know when you know you're gonna eat something that's going to make you feel, 
like, shitty and you eat it anyway. 
That's the worst thing, I do it all the time. 
Like I go, and I'm like, I gotta have some donuts, you know? 
Shit. 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
I go to the donut place, just give me some donuts.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: Yeah, 12, what do you think?
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: What the fuck is that supposed, yeah 12. 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
And after 2, I'm, like, this sucks. But I just keep forcing them and I just feel like shit.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: And I can't not do it. You know? And I have friends who, like, uh. 
Like, I have a friend who's married and he can't stop fucking around.
	
Like it's impossible for him. He's like I had to fuck this girl. I had to fuck her. Should it matter? 
So,I had to fuck her. But he can't stop himself. I, I have no problem being with 1 woman. I'm married. But I can't not eat all the doughnuts, 
on the planet Earth, because it's different. 
You know, for, for sex there's masturbating.	
For food there's nothing like that. 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: You know,I can't watch The Food Network 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: it's delicious. 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: It looks good yeah, cook yeah cook that shit bitch. C'mon yeah cook it. 
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LOUIS CK: It doesn't do me a lot of good.
