>> BILLIE EILISH DRESS LIKE SHE 
GOT HER CLOTHES STOLEN AT THE 
GYM SO THEY GAVE HER WHAT THEY 
HAD IN THE LOST AND FOUND.
>> THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 
WHITE VAN WITH "FREE CANDY" 
WRITTEN ON THE SIDE.
>> IT'S A BLACK VAN.
>> SOULLESS, PURPOSELESS, 
VIRTUOUS SELL-OUT.
NICE DORITOS COMMERCIAL YOU 
PIECE OF [ BLEEP ].
THERE'S PEOPLE THAT DON'T LIKE 
ME?
WHAT THE [ BLEEP ].
>> I'D RATHER LISTEN TO A BARN 
FULL OF BABY PIGS BEING 
VACCINATED THAN LUKE BRYAN'S NEW
SONG.
I HAVE VACCINATED BABY PIGS.
AND THAT'S AWFUL.
>> HOW CRAZY ARE YOU ON A SCALE 
OF ONE TO PERRY FERRELL.
OH.
OUT OF 100% PERRY FERRELL.
>> WHY DOES TREY COOL FROM 
GREENDAY LOOK LIKE THE EMOW 
VERSION OF TED CRUZ?
>> WELL.
>> I FEEL LIKE LEON BURGESS 
MAKES MUSIC FOR STRAIGHT WHITE 
COUPLES TO DANCE TO IN THEIR 
KITCHENS, BUT ONLY IF THEY HAVE 
GRANITE TOPS.
I STILL LIKE IT EVEN THOUGH I'M 
GAY AND POOR.
>> WHY DOES A MEMBER LOOK LIKE A
JOCK THAT'S ALSO A VAMPIRE.
OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT AS A 
COMPLIMENT.
>> WHAT IF GOD IS REALLY JOHN 
MAHER COVERING DAVE MATTHEWS 
COVERS AT THAT BAR YOUR DAD 
LIKES.
>> HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE.
>> BUS PASSES AND HAPPY MILLS, 
TWO THINGS I MIMAGINE LIZZO HAS 
SEEN A LOT OF.
>> HE MAKES MUSIC FOR PEOPLE WHO
TASTE THE GAS BEFORE THEY FILL 
UP THEIR TRUCK.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
I'LL GIVE'EM THAT ONE.
>> I JUST WATCHED A BEAUTIFUL 
PERFORMANCE OF CASRDI B, AND THT
BITCH JUST LOOKS LOUD WITHOUT 
ANY SOUND ON.
HOW I LOOK LOUD?
HOW I LOOK LOUD?
I'M LOUD?
I DON'T EVEN THINK I'M LIKE 
LOUD.
MY ASS.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE AT A PERFECT 
VOLUME, CARDI.
