Stalin: Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
Stalin: Just being inconspicous do do do
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: Oh hello there.
Hamish: Oh hello.
Hamish: I hear you're the glue guy?
Stalin: Yes yes. I'm the glue guy yes yes I think we spoke on the phone
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye. My friend recommended you to me. Och aye
Hamish: oh yes. I have all of the possible glues you could ever need for any possible application wink wink.
Hamish: Oh yeah I know what you mean. Wink wink
Stalin: Yes yes. For crafting or for sticking or for sniffing or for huffing or you know for gluing things.
Stalin: Any of those regular reasons you need glue yes yes.
Hamish: Yes yes. I need a strong glue...
Stalin: Oh a strong glue!
Hamish: For some crafting wink wink.
Stalin: Oh crafting. Oh yes yes yes oh crafting.
Stalin: Everyone is into crafting these days and they all seem to need the very strongest glue
Stalin: I imagine that's the same for you isn't it?
Hamish: Och aye. I've got a few bits of paper to stick together.
Stalin: oh yes. More than a few I imagine and you possibly need it to be very strong and made with the strongest possible chemicals.
Hamish: Och aye. That's right me laddy.
Stalin: Possibly some ones that cause some kind of hallucinogenic or mind altering properties to you when they are inhaled yes?
Hamish: Well if that just happens as part of doing the sticking then och aye that's lovely. Och aye
Stalin: Yes that's why I like to make many airfix kits. Yes yes one after the other. Yes yes very innocent. Yes
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye.
Stalin: Yes I've got a large range of glues yes as you can see here
Hamish: Yes it's larger than I've seen before. Where did you get them from?
Stalin: Oh well actually I do not know if you know but I happen to be the CEO of Staples.
Hamish: Oh really?
Stalin: Yes you know the office stationary and supply company yes yes. I use that as a front yes yes.
Stalin: I sell all of my glues and I order them through there and then I use it to launder my money yes yes yes.
Stalin: Oh it's very good. It works very well and I get access to all of these wonderful glues for all of my "crafting"
Hamish: Och aye all of my crafting. Och aye.
Stalin: Yes yes I'm a master crafter. Yes yes
Hamish: Och aye.
Stalin: Yes yes I've been crafting for many a year now...
Stalin: so I need many glues you see for all of the different forms of crafting wink wink that I do yes
Hamish: Och aye och aye. Why don't you take me through your products? Och aye
Stalin: Oh yes well as you can see I have a range of products at the front there
Stalin: the yellow one yes that is a UHU. That is more of a hobby glue yes yes.
Stalin: This is on the lower end of the spectrum. I would say that this is a bit of a weaker glue
Stalin: A bit more for your paper crafting yes. Not so much for the type of crafting you want to do.
Hamish: No no me laddy. Och aye
Stalin: And the same goes for the Pritt Stick just there. That's actually one of my older products
Stalin: It's actually out of its shelf life as you can see
Hamish: Och aye. It looks like it.
Stalin: Yes I'm doing a discount on that at the moment because it's not as strong as it used to be.
Stalin: And again I don't think that's what you're looking for. You look like the kind of bear that enjoys a "stronger" glue yes yes
Stalin: More of a stick
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye.
Stalin: I also have the Pritt at the front there. That's quite a runny glue. That's quite useful in certain situations.
Stalin: It is very easy to er "apply" if you see what I mean yes yes and the same with the superglue
Stalin: Now that one. The superglue is in front there in the clear bottle
Stalin: Yes now that's a smaller amount but it's very strong yes yes and it has a very toxic aroma to it yes yes.
Stalin: Got to be very careful when you use it wink wink and make sure you ALWAYS wear a mask yes yes
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye
Stalin: Never let the mask fall off by accident before you start using it
Hamish: No no
Stalin: And of course never ever directly inhale the glue from the bottle yes yes yes
Stalin: Now ok the other glues... I also have the Tipp-Ex
Stalin: Now most people don't know this but Tipp-Ex is also technically a form of glue. Yes you can use it as a glue
Stalin: And you can also use it as a concealing liquid yes
Hamish: Och aye can I try any of these glues?
Stalin: Yes ok you can have a sample of the Tipp-Ex if you like because you probably never tried that before.
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye. She's a bit weak though me laddy och aye.
Stalin: I mean you didn't actually do any gluing but yes I can see... yes ok.
Stalin: You said weak? The No More Nails now this is the opposite of weak.
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: Yes now No More Nails you can stick a chair to a ceiling yes
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: Yes yes yes it's so strong
Hamish: Yes I've got plenty of chairs to stick to ceilings. Och aye
Stalin: But it is very very... how should I say it? Viscous yes yes yes.
Stalin: Yes so it's less easy to handle unlike the Pritt and also...
Stalin: it is very strong but it does not have a very strong aroma yes yes yes
Stalin: So I would say this is probably not the one for you. What I can suggest you do with this is...
Stalin: You can dry it and you can powder it yes yes yes
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: But of course do not sniff the powder once you have powdered it yes yes
Stalin: Because this would get you very high which would be a very bad thing
Hamish: Oh yes of course. Wink Wink WInk
Stalin: Of course yes. Wink WInk WInk
Stalin: Oh talking of high yes the superspray adhesive over here
Stalin: Yes now this is my most popular item yes yes yes.
Stalin: Now this one is great because you can spray it into a rag yes yes.
Stalin: You can stick the rag then to your face.
Hamish: Och aye lovely.
Stalin: So it's very innocent you just spray the glue. spray spray spray spray spray into the rag.
Stalin: And then you stick the rag into your face and then you breathe. Oh yes you breathe
Stalin: And it's called huffing. Lots of people like to huff the glue yes...
Stalin: I mean sorry stick the glue. That's all that they do with it.
Stalin: They just use the glue to stick sometimes pictures into books
Stalin: And then sometimes if you're not careful and you do not wear a mask yes you get very very high.
Hamish: Oh we don't want that do we? No
Stalin: No. You do not want that do you mr glue man?
Hamish: No we don't wink wink.
Stalin: So other than this... Oh oh! I almost forgot. My favourite glue...
Stalin: My favourite glue out of all of them is the epoxy.
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: Now my epoxy is my favourite because it comes in two parts
Hamish: Oh och aye.
Stalin: Much like my other favourite chemical...
Stalin: Novichok! Yes yes that also comes in two parts and also made in Russia. My favourite
Stalin: Oh yes. I love everything that's made in Russia. In particular things that come in two parts.
Hamish: Oh och aye.
Stalin: Oh but don't ever get the two mixed up. Do not mix up your epoxy and your Novichok
Stalin: Do not keep them in the same draw because this is what happened in Salisbury yes yes yes
Stalin: The man was trying to fix his door handle and then by accident he mixed it up with the Novichok.
Stalin: And then he was like mix mix mix "I'm going to fix the door handle. I put the epoxy on the door"
Stalin: but it wasn't epoxy. It was Novichok and then he took what he thought was the Novichok to the enemy of the Russian state
Stalin: And it wasn't Novichok either. That was then the epoxy and so he got very sticky but he did not die.
Stalin: And then instead the door handle was not fixed. It just had Novichok on it
Stalin: You never want this to happen. This is very confusing so keep the two separate
Stalin: And then when you want to use it, you use the epoxy mix mix mix mix and then...
Stalin: When you mix the two together it makes a chemical reaction you see which turns it into glue.
Stalin: But in the process of turning into glue it also creates many noxious fumes.
Stalin: And you should NOT wink wink should NOT inhale these or they will get you very high
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye. I see.
Stalin: Yes yes indeed.
Stalin: But equally if you are mixing Novichok, do not mix those fumes either...
Stalin: Because then that will not get you high. That will get you died.
Hamish: Och aye so I want to buy Novichok for sticking.
Stalin: No no no no. Do not buy Novichok at all. I will deal with the Novichok. You just deal with the epoxy
Hamish: Oh ok. Och aye. Och aye
Stalin: Yes yes. Do not mix the two up and do not inhale the Novichok.
Stalin: That is not good for you and well to be honest inhaling epoxy is probably not good for you either
Stalin: But at least it gets you high.
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye. That's great me laddy.
Hamish: But I've heard from my friend that you had an exclusive product och aye. That...
Stalin: Oh! Oh I think I know what you mean. Yes you mean my "backroom" products
Hamish: och aye. Och aye.
Stalin: Well I have to warn you.
Stalin:  The products that are not on display here are my more exotic of products
Stalin: And so because of this they are rare and therefore very expensive and also very strong.
Hamish: Well I have a very exotic item that needs sticking och aye.
Stalin: Oh! Oh yes. Ok I understand. One second. I think I've got just the thing for you yes yes yes
Stalin: Careful. Careful No More Nails. You stay there yes. Ok I'm going to go and get it.
Hamish: Och aye well let's try this Pritt Stick. Och aye
Stalin: Excuse me! No touching the goods!
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye
Stalin: No touching the goods! This is my goods
Stalin: I'm just trying to get it. Yes I've got it now.
Hamish: This Pritt Stick's rubbish. Och aye
Stalin: Here I am. I'm coming back. Yes Yes Yes Yes
Hamish: Och aye. Och aye. That looks more like it.
Stalin: Look. Look at the warning on it. Yes yes
Hamish: Och aye.
Stalin: This is the most...
Stalin: Super
Stalin: Duper
Stalin: Super Duper
Stalin: Duper Duper
Stalin: Duper Super Duper glue.
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: In the world
Stalin: Yes this is industrial strength super duper glue
Hamish: Oh wow
Stalin: It's not even superglue. It's superduperglue
Stalin: Yes which is actually stronger than regular superglue.
Hamish: Yes well I've got a lot of things to stick to an industrial scale och aye wink wink.
Stalin: Yes but I must warn you. This glue is very dangerous. Not only is it super strong and will get you super duper high.
Stalin: If you accidentally inhale it especially if you inhale it directly from the bottle.
Stalin: But also if you are not too careful, you will get stuck to it. It's super duper sticky.
Stalin: It is not called a super glue for no reason. Even in the lab... This is made by Germans
Stalin: Yes german engineers. You know how good they are at making things yes.
Stalin: Made by german engineers in a lab and even there, they have to wear special clothing which is anti-sticky
Stalin: Because they had an incident in the lab where everybody got stuck and then they could not leave and could not go home.
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: Yes and they missed an episode of Friends and everyone was sad.
Hamish: Och aye. Can I have a sample?
Stalin: Well no because it is very dangerous and very strong and as I said it is super exotic and expensive.
Hamish: Och aye.
Stalin: If I gave you a sample then it would be like me flushing some money down the toiley
Stalin: Especially if you do not buy any afterwards.
Hamish: Och aye but how am I meant to know if it's any good me laddy.
Stalin: Well I do have another one. Do not touch it and let me just have a look over here and see if I've got something else
Hamish: Och aye.
Stalin: Let me have a look.
Hamish: Och aye. Screw him. I'll just try some.
[Hamish sniffs]
Stalin: I don't appear to be able to find it no no.
Hamish: Och aye. Humenah Humenah Humenah Humenah Humenah
Hamish: Och aye. She's a strong one. Och aye
Stalin: Excuse me? What are you doing?
Stalin: Excuse me? What did I just say?
Hamish: Oh I'm just trying a little bit me laddy.
Stalin: I know but what did I just say? This is not ok/
Stalin: Can you get off my glue now?
Hamish: Hang on.
[Hamish grunts as he tries to pull himself off the glue]
Stalin: Excuse me?
Stalin: Get off the glue. Oh no.
Hamish: I'm trying me laddy!
Stalin: Oh no. Oh no. This is excatly what I said would happen
Hamish: Oh no I'm stuck me laddy.
Stalin: No you did not listen. I told you this is very dangerous glue and I told you you would get stuck to it
Stalin: And look what has happened, you got your stupid nose stuck to my stupid glue.
Hamish: Och aye well I've tried some now and I'm very interested in buying it me laddy.
Stalin: Well I can see that. You're gonna have to buy it because you are now stuck to the bottle.
Hamish: Och aye. Well how much is it?
Stalin: This is £2000
Hamish: What! Och aye!
Stalin: Yes I do not sell it in bottles. I only just got this one in. I normally sell it in grams
Stalin: Yes or singular millilitres
Hamish: Och aye well I don't have that kind of money
Stalin: Well I can see that. You're just some horrible looking Scottish bear. Yes you look like you're a homeless man
Stalin: Yes yes yes. I thought I might give you this stupid Pritt Stick because I did not want it anymore.
Stalin: And I thought I'd get a bit more money from you because you look stupid.
Hamish: Och aye. The Pritt Stick's rubbish
Stalin: Yes but you clearly are very stupid because you got stuck to this bottle.
Stalin: You're a bit like Gary. Yes Gary yes. You might have met Gary. He's that stupid owl. Yes
Stalin: I gave him to Bongani yes after he got his nose stuck to my bottle of glue yes and he got it stuck there for a week.
Stalin: And so he smelt the glue for an entire week and at the end of it he was stupid.
Stalin: Yes now you're going to become stupid. Look you're becoming stupider by the moment.
Stalin: Keep breathing the glue in. Yes yes. Keep breathing it
Hamish: Be quiet Smalin.
Stalin: No you keep breathing that glue in and then I've got some work for you
Hamish: Och aye. Oh work ok ok
Stalin: Yes the glue makes you very perceptive to my intentions yes yes
Stalin: I think you should work for me. How do you feel about that?
Hamish: Och aye. I suppose I could me laddy.
Stalin: Yes you could couldn't you? What I could do in exchange is give you some glue in exchange for your time
Hamish: Och aye. That sounds good.
Stalin: So what you could do is take this glue and you could go and sell it to some children for me.
Hamish: Och aye. Ok. Och aye that sounds...
Stalin: So now you're going to be an employee of Staples. Yes yes my company.
Stalin: So you'd be my employee and then you will sell the glue yes yes and then you'll bring me back the money
Stalin: And in exchange I will give you more of this lovely super duper duper glue yes yes
Hamish: Ok
Stalin: But you have to promise to be more careful with the glue
Stalin: And not be so stupid and get stuck to the glue all the time. Because I do not need stupid people.
Hamish: Ok me laddy. Ok
Stalin: Ok because I will get very angry and everything will get ruined because the glue will be stuck to you...
Stalin: And then I will not be able to sell it and then you will smell all of my glue. You do not smell all of my glue.
Stalin: Especially not these glues. My lovely epoxy [Kisses it]
Hamish: Och aye. ok ok I'll work for you me laddy.
Stalin: Ok ok good good.
Stalin: Yes well good luck with the glue anyway. I'm not sure what we are going to do about that.
Stalin: You need to work off the £2000 so you can pay me back for the bottle
Hamish: Och aye
Stalin: And as I say be careful because if you leave it on there too long you'll become stupid.
Stalin: Yes and do not sniff anymore of the glue because I do not need you consuming all of my product.
Hamish: Och aye well can you get me something to get me off this glue? Another chemical or something. Och aye. I'm stuck.
Stalin: No. I think you made your bed now lie in it. So have fun.
Hamish: Och aye. Help!
Stalin: Well you wanted all the glue and now you've got all the glue so it's like a muzzlebag for you.
Stalin: But it's just glue. [Laughs]
Stalin: Oh yes yes. So stupid. So stupid.
Hamish: Help. Help. Och aye.
