 
From Hell

By: Seth Barder

PUBLISHED BY:

Seth Barder at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Seth Barder

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This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are products of the author's imagination and used fictitiously.

Many Thanks.

Chapter 1

Josh's life hadn't hit bottom yet but he couldn't tell. He was too focused on how he felt right then. Sitting in a dark narrow alleyway, damp and dirty from neglect, had nothing to do with it. It merely served to reinforce his belief that he was good for nothing. The cool, gentle breeze blowing past didn't affect him either. His well-worn coat only helped him psychologically and only felt warmer than it really was, thanks to the large amount of alcohol flowing through his bloodstream.

A streetlight to his left only slightly illuminated the rats crawling around. He didn't mind. The dimly lit alley helped him hide so others wouldn't see as he sank into his own depression alone. And the rats? Well, he belonged with them, so he believed. Like them, he was to wander around as something no one wanted.

Newspapers twirled merrily in circles a little further down the alley. He envied the sight, wishing he could be that free and happy. He tried remembering something happy in his life but it only brought him back to how he lost it all and was now here, with a gun in his right hand. He took another large swig from the bottle in his left hand, hoping it would deaden the pain like it had so many times before when he and his friends drank together, but it didn't. He looked at the dancing newspapers again now hating the sight. He imagined them taunting him as they spun cheerfully when they knew he wasn't. He wished the streetlight was out, covering him completely in darkness. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. He hated the way he felt. He wanted to be happy again, like he'd been just a few years ago, before he lost everything. His house, the car, the boat, and even his dog, Charlie, who he'd wanted in the worst way—he was a purebred German Shepherd from a long line of champions. All the things he ever wanted, he got. Even the woman he swore he'd marry, he did, and within a few months after his marriage he'd be the father of a beautiful baby girl. Everything was perfect. His life was only headed up at that point. He felt confident and sure of himself to the point of becoming cocky and arrogant. He planned to take this life as high as he could. He didn't see any reason why he couldn't. Nothing happens suddenly. But there were little things, if he would have been honest with himself and really thought about it, that marked little points in his life where he should have taken a step back to assess the situation, before he got in too deep. His goals, viewpoints, and perception of himself should have been where Josh started, but he only knew part of what he knows now and so would admit his downfall began much later.

Adultery usually begins by the innocent flirting of two people. A smile here, a playful word spoken there, a look or a touch, all in fun. This is how it happened with Josh. He flirted with women at work and they returned the compliment. Josh liked the attention. It reaffirmed what he already thought of himself. More intense suggestions followed as the months went on until finally the two were sneaking off with each other. He'd do this for years with many different women until his wife eventually found out and left him.

The divorce wasn't very hard on Josh at first. He was glad in a way. It freed him up so he could be with as many women as he wanted. It wasn't until the legal battle over who gets what and how much that the stress became more evident to him. The many different women suddenly wouldn't be enough to help him feel any better. Josh took up drinking excessive amounts of alcohol to deal with his stress. It wasn't a permanent reliever either but at least it allowed him a little moment of peace, even if it was for a night. When he woke the next morning the stress was still there only reinforcing his belief he needed something to calm his nerves then too. His drinking at work began to affect him more than he thought. He would eventually lose his job and couldn't find another one. Every other job out there didn't pay enough for him to keep all the things he'd acquired over the years. When the divorce was final he'd lost everything. He struggled to make ends meet. Rent was difficult on a single income, not to mention bills from a car payment, credit cards, and lawyer fees. On top of these he now had to support a cigarette and drinking habit. Every time his ex brought their daughter to his apartment he could tell she still held on to the bitterness she felt from what he'd done to her not letting it go, no matter what. She was almost smug every time she saw him, glad to see he wasn't doing well. She wanted him to feel the pain she'd been carrying around since the day she found out.

Now that his money had dried up, his "friends" stopped coming by and the women he'd slept with wanted nothing to do with him. Soon, he couldn't even afford the run-down rentals. Josh became homeless. He hated being at the mission downtown. Sleeping in a large dormitory-style room filled with cots and surrounded by filthy men and women wasn't his idea of the good life. It wasn't the kind of life he thought he'd have at his age. Thinking about it only made him angry. Not at himself, but at his wife for not being more reasonable, his old boss for not being more supportive, and the judge for falling for his ex wife's sob story of what a poor helpless woman she is. Then Josh just became angry at everything. The food served at the mission, the people there who talked to him, and even those people who came in once in a while to try and convert everyone to their beliefs, those cheery Christians. Phooey.

Every Wednesday and Sunday a church service was held at the mission. A group of people from area churches would come to share a testimony, give a sermon, and then serve some food. Josh saw it as a ploy for the Christians to spread their Gospel. When he went he'd always have to listen to one of them talk about God before, during, and after he ate. Josh dutifully sat and listened, believing it was the only way they'd serve him food and get different clothes. He couldn't believe someone would give something without expecting something in return. He went, reluctantly, to their church service afterward, hoping it would appease these people so they wouldn't ask anything more of him like joining their church or memorizing their Bible.

Two days a week for three whole months he went to a service. There he sat in the back of the room, closest to the door, hating every moment of it. He lazily listened to the preacher talk about God loving every one of them, but Josh didn't care. He was thinking about why all this happened in the first place. If God really loved him, none of this would have happened. He thought maybe he was just such a horrible sinner that God had given up on him. It sure felt that way and it was about to get worse.

Contact with his ex-wife went from minimal to non-existent, which also meant the visits with his daughter stopped all together. His ex-wife didn't want to take their daughter to that kind of neighborhood to be around those scroungy people, she could barely deal with the smell of Josh. Going to visit his daughter somewhere else would be difficult since Josh could no longer drive, and he had no money for the bus. He was at a loss of what to do. The only jobs he could find paid minimum wage, not enough for him to venture out on his own and get back on his feet. And if he accepted a job the mission would kick him out to make room for someone who didn't work, leaving him on the streets again.

A voice in his head reminded him how he felt when he was drunk. Life was so much easier to accept when he was lit up. Josh told himself he was going to end up on the streets anyway. This relentless prodding continued over the next two weeks, night and day. He struggled to fight the urge and he was soon losing strength. Mentally he was exhausted, he just wanted peace. Finally, he gave in. He began buying drugs and alcohol with any money he could get his hands on. He sold blood, collected scrap metal, and he found himself stealing from people at the mission. That first drink quickly made any and all bad feelings disappear. Even his mind began to relax. He felt happy and calm, like everything was going to be okay from now on.

Things went from bad to worse. He eventually lost the privilege to visit with his daughter, now two-years old. The court deemed him an unfit parent since he couldn't get his drinking under control. Josh thought this absurd. Sure he drank but it wasn't as bad as some other's he'd seen. Discouraged and deeply wounded, he delved even further into his habit—a quarter of whiskey just didn't seem to do what it used to now. Depressed and alone he sought out prostitutes hoping that would make him feel better. His tolerance level for drugs and alcohol rose so quickly that he couldn't find enough money to support his habit. The mission also had had enough of him and kicked him out onto the streets. He no longer had a steady flow of people he could steal from to sell for drugs, alcohol or sex. And now he had no money for his most basic needs: food, clothing, or shelter. He had nothing but his depression... and a stolen gun. He told himself he only had two choices. One was to live the rest of his miserable life like it was, with feelings of guilt, regret, fear, loneliness, hopelessness, and sadness, or to pull this trigger to make all those feelings go away so he'd have peace once more. He thought of what the preacher said about hell and how horrible it was there. Even if it were, nothing could be worse than this, anything would be better than right now. He was tired of fighting and losing. He just sat there in that dirty alley looking at the gun he held in his hand through his tears. He struggled whether to use it or not.

"Why not?" he coldly thought to himself, "No one'll miss me anyway. People'd be happier if I'm gone. They won't have to deal with me on the streets any more. They don't care whether I'm alive or dead."

He brushed his left hand through his greasy, disheveled, red hair then pressed the barrel of the gun to the stubble on his cheek. He tried desperately to think of a reason not to do it. His ex-wife wanted nothing to do with him and his daughter, now four, would probably not even know who he was if he stood in front of her. He prayed to God to give him a reason. Josh couldn't think of any, his thoughts were too overrun with everything else. He cried harder, he wanted it all to stop. He breathed heavy as the tears streamed down his face. He asked God to forgive him, gritted his teeth, and put the gun under his chin. He wanted it all to end. It was only the beginning.

Chapter 2

Everything was suddenly quiet. There were no more sounds of the cool wind brushing past him. The sounds of the streets were no longer heard in the distance. All were replaced by a hollow quietness reverberating through Josh's ears. The rats, the dancing papers, and the grime, had disappeared. A bright light shined from somewhere far above him illuminating at least eight feet around where he stood. He thought it might be a powerful street lamp but the light was so bright he couldn't stare directly at it. Beyond where the light encircled him was nothing but pitch black.

He looked at his hands. The gun was gone. He looked around his feet, supposing he dropped it, but it was nowhere to be found. This was odd. The last thing he remembered was being in the alley. He felt his body as though he wondered if he were real, trying to comprehend what just happened. He slowly moved his hand to the back of his head where he thought the bullet should have come out. There was no hole, no wound. He looked around, peering into the pitch black confused about how he got here. Josh closed his eyes, rubbed his forehead, and sighed. He told himself to stay calm and think about this logically. He remembered pulling that trigger. He peered up at the light hoping its source would answer some questions but he couldn't see a thing. It was a dumb idea, he was almost blinded. He looked away and blinked a few times trying to suppress the remnant spots he saw. When his eyes readjusted he looked around, it was still useless he couldn't make out anything beyond what the light showed.

The quietness was unnerving and started to get to him. Again Josh tried to look at his situation logically. He looked down at his right hand remembering the gun that was once there. He remembered how it felt and the weight of it. He remembered feeling the barrel in his mouth, the tip knocked against his front tooth. He had pulled the trigger, he remembered doing that. But how did he make it in here? Someone could have heard the shot, come running, saw his body lying in the alley, and noticed he was still breathing. Being that the light was poor where he was, the person may have dragged Josh's body into an empty nearby warehouse and patched him up. He had, on more than one occasion snuck, into a warehouse when the mission was full. He recalled the sounds the place made when all was quiet inside, similar to what he heard here. It would explain the large room and light overhead. Josh ran it through his hair again. It was the only explanation he could think of. He certainly didn't feel dead. He was still breathing. He could feel his hair in his hand when he touched his head. The light hurt his eyes so that was normal. He looked down at himself. He was still wearing the clothes he had on that night, all the way down to his torn up leather shoes. What about the hole in his head that should've been there? Again he felt the back of his head, making sure not to mindlessly run his hand over it but inspect everything. He couldn't feel any scar. Maybe the hole in his head wasn't as large as he thought it should have been. Or, the gun could have jerked when he pulled the trigger causing the gun to angle crooked making him miss his head entirely. Of course, there always was the possibility the bullet never came out and would be forever lodged in his head.

Josh heard a very faint sound from somewhere far out in the darkness. He tried listening more intently. It almost sounded like someone screaming, but in the city there were all different types of screams. Drunken college students coming out of a bar and hollering at the tops of their lungs was one example. But it also meant there was someone else around and at least then he'd be able to get his bearings. Also, Josh might be able to convince a college student to buy him some booze, he sure needed it right now, his mouth was dry and he was starting to get fidgety. There was also the possibility the scream came from someone in distress. His short time on the streets had quickly taught him to stay out of other people's business or else he might be the one doing the screaming. Josh weighed which scenario was more likely. He listened for the sound again. If he could pinpoint the direction it came from he'd know which way not to go. He thought he heard the sounds of someone crying. It was slight but it was there. He stretched his neck in the direction he thought it came. He heard nothing. Then it came again, the sound of someone sniveling. It was somewhere deep within the darkness to his left only he wasn't sure how far away. Depending on the size of this warehouse the sounds could be coming from a few hundred feet away. If the conditions were right it could be coming from outside the warehouse. Josh wasn't sure what to do now. It sounded further than three hundred feet to him.

"Hello!?" His voice echoed out into the darkness. It sounded like it went on forever. He hoped for a response.

Wherever he was, it was extremely large. Josh couldn't recall any warehouse in the city this big. He looked around, his eyes sifting through the darkness trying to, by chance, see something, anything. Then he heard what sounded like claws scratching across a concrete floor behind him. He whipped his head in that direction. His heart beat a little faster. He thought he might have seen something. Josh thought it sounded like a rat, but it was far too large to be a normal city rat. Truth be known, Josh wasn't sure. He didn't want to find out either. He turned back around slowly ready to bolt out of there, if he caught a glimpse of whatever that was.

"Hello?" he was a little quieter this time, not sure what was going on, but even as modest as he tried to be, his voice sounded like it boomed in such a place.

Josh swallowed hard. He hoped he didn't wake anything in there. His mind raced to the possibility of some kind of fouled up genetic monster that feeds off of humans like he'd seen in so many movies. As far-fetched as it sounded, right now Josh thought anything was possible. He looked around, listening intently to catch any kind of sound. He tried to force himself to calm down. He could hear his heartbeat thumping inside his chest. He held his breath a little hoping by doing so he could hear something. It was then, in one of the lulls, when Josh heard the sound of someone sobbing. He let out a breath then held it in again so he could get a better bearing on the sound. He heard it again. It was coming from in front of him. It was still distant but close enough that he might be able to walk to it. At least it was in the opposite direction from where the large rat was.

Josh gathered all his courage and began walking forward. Every sound he made was magnified, from the rubbing of his pant legs to the sound of his shoes striking the hard floor. Both made it difficult for him to hear the direction of the crying. He stopped periodically to be sure he was going in the right direction, and then continued on. This stop and go technique made for a very slow progress. Anticipating getting some answers he stepped up his pace a little, almost jogging now but still trying to step quietly. If it was in fact someone crying, Josh didn't want to disturb the person who made them cry. That other person could still be out there somewhere. Josh had to stop a few more times to get his bearings but eventually the sobbing became more distinct. He no longer had to hold his breath in order to hear the direction it was coming from. The closer he got the less he had to stop, but the distance he'd gone so far was further than he'd expected to go. He wondered if this was really a warehouse, he was having his doubts. A low cry brought Josh back to what he was doing. He was close enough it sounded like it came from a woman. Curious and concerned, he kept moving forward.

Several more feet and out of the darkness Josh could see a grayish-white outline of what looked like another person. They looked like they might be in some kind of pain, crouched low to the ground with their hands covering their face. For a moment Josh was glad, not that the person was crying, but that the sounds were coming from another human being. Someone he could ask questions. Maybe the same person who brought him here brought them here as well. He moved closer, stopping briefly when he noticed the figure was entirely naked. Then he was sure the person was a woman. She was pale, sickly pale, and glistening with sweat. Her feet were black from the dust of the floor. Her long brunette hair was matted to her back and arms. It looked as though she hadn't bathed for months. Josh suspected she was homeless like he was. He was embarrassed to continue. He wasn't sure how she came to be naked but assumed the worst. Although he knew this was the worst time to ask, he had to know if she could tell him where they were and who brought them here.

"Hello?" his pitch and tone was calm, filled with concern, not wanting to stir up anything he shouldn't.

She didn't answer. The woman kept crying softly in her hands, either she didn't hear him or didn't want to hear him. Josh imagined someone grabbing her off the street, bringing her here, and forcing her to do awful things. She may have been the one screaming earlier. He moved closer, hoping whoever did this to her wasn't waiting somewhere in the darkness to attack him too. She looked so frail and utterly broken. Josh was near enough he knew he could at least reach her with his hand. He stretched his arm out to gently touch her shoulder with his hand. His fingertips barely felt the dampness of her pasty skin when she backed away screaming at him as she did.

"NOOO!!"

Immensely frightened she quickly moved away from him. Whether or not she thought he'd attack her was unclear to Josh, she barely even looked at him. Crouching low to the ground as if in submission she crawled away on all fours, still screaming as loud as she could. "NOOO!!" The echo of it reverberated in his ears.

"Wait!" Josh tried to reason, "I won't hurt you! I just wanna talk."

The woman was far too frightened to hear anything he had to say. She disappeared into the darkness leaving Josh standing there dumbfounded, listening as her screams trailed off the further she got from him. But then they too faded away and everything was quiet again. Josh stared in the direction she went wondering what could have happened to make her that way and whether or not he should follow. He couldn't see a thing and now he was alone again. He stood there in the light wondering what to do now. The quietness bothered him more than it had the first time. He hated to think he was alone, with no one to interact with and nothing to do. And then, when he really tried, he could hear the woman sobbing again, somewhere far off in the distance.

"What is this place?" he thought to himself.

To his right he heard what sounded like that giant rat scurrying across concrete. He looked quickly but saw nothing in the dark. He looked at the ground. It was hard but it didn't look like a concrete floor, it looked more like solid rock. He scooted the bottom of his foot across the floor. There was a charred black dust covering it, some of which managed to cling to his brown shoes. Must have been what was all over that woman. He heard wings flapping to his left. He looked and thought he saw a large bat, really large. His heart beat faster. He couldn't see anything. There could be a number of things out there in the darkness watching him and he'd never know. He was breathing heavily now. He swallowed hard. What would he do if something attacked him? He had no weapon and he wasn't sure how to fight large rats and bats. He looked around trying to find something that would give him a way out. He looked up and started hating the light. It was like a large spotlight putting him on display, letting everything know he was here. He wish it was out, he wish he could leave.

Then he heard what sounded like a flame on an old gas furnace igniting. Josh wasn't sure the direction of the sound. It seemed to be coming from all around him. An orange glow shimmered from behind him, reflecting off the back of his neck and red hair. The light quickly grew brighter. He could feel the heat on his skin even before he turned around. He whipped his head around to see the darkness being engulfed by a massive flame rolling towards him like a large scroll. It was so immense it appeared to reach at least three stories high and stretched so far to the left and right that he couldn't see either end. Josh turned in the opposite direction and ran as fast as he could, hoping by some miracle he could outrun this monstrous thing moving at far greater speeds than he could. He hoped somewhere ahead of him he could find something to shield him from the blast of heat and fire. A boulder, a crevice, just a simple depression in the ground would suffice to somehow ease the force coming at him. He took long strides with each step, his legs ached and burned, his side developed a sharp pain jabbing at his gut, and he gasped for each breath. He was definitely out of shape, but wasn't going to let that be the cause of his burning to death. He tried not to think what it would feel like. He didn't want to think about how he might not die right away but suffer while his skin and insides boiled. Just the thought of it made him run even harder, far past the point where he would have normally collapsed from exhaustion.

He could feel the flame closing in. The heat penetrated his coat and shirt, going straight to his skin. He threw off the coat, worried it would just weigh him down. Josh gritted his teeth and forced his body to endure more. There had to be something at the end of this place, but it just kept going without a thing to hide or shelter him. Even with the fire lighting far ahead of him he saw no end, nor was there still anything to his right or left. Josh knew this wasn't any warehouse. There were no buildings this large. As far as he had run any real warehouse would have ended by now. There was nothing ahead of him but darkness, and nothing behind but certain pain. So, he ran. But it wasn't fast enough. The massive flame easily rolled over him smothering him with an inescapable and indescribable heat. His clothes burned to his skin even before the fire reached them, they disintegrated the moment they came in contact with the flames. Josh ground his teeth one moment and screamed from the unbearable pain in another, but the noise from the flames drowned his voice so that even he could barely hear himself. He could smell burnt hair and sulfur. He could feel the skin on his back and head bubbling. The skin on his arms too began to boil but weren't being consumed the way his clothes had. He had hoped it would. At least then he'd know he'd be dead soon and the pain would be over. But this...was something different. Josh fell hard to his knees, gnashing his teeth so hard his gums, charred and dried by the intense heat, split open. The flames were unrelenting. He felt like it would never end. And then, all at once, the fire disappeared into the air leaving Josh kneeling on the ground, naked, clasping his bald head in his hands.

Chapter 3

Darkness surrounded Josh once again. Hundreds of bright glowing embers floated around him, the only remnant left by the inferno. They came down gracefully, beautifully, making the previous horror seem like a terrible dream. In their short life the embers disappeared with one final flash, lighting a large area around it. This lasted for a couple of minutes until the last ember shot out its last. Then a light faded in like a brightly lit street lamp above revealing Josh's new condition.

Smoke rose from the skin of Josh's sweaty back and head. He could feel tears pouring from his eyes as he wept. His sobs echoed through the cavernous wasteland. His mouth had never felt this dry. It took him a moment to realize the flame had dissipated. His body felt warm, confusing his mind into thinking his body was charred. He slowly took his hands from his face and looked at them. They were smooth again. He looked at his arms, there was no evidence his skin had just been boiled. He looked around. There was no evidence anything had happened. Then he remembered the hard surface on which he kneeled. The charred black soot now marking his knees was the only proof he had that it even happened. Josh tried to keep his mind in order, a lot had happened in a very short time. How it could be that his hands looked intact despite the fact he'd obviously gone through the worst pain he had ever felt? He looked at his chest. It too was whole again, except without hair. Breathing heavily he straightened up to take an inventory of the rest of his body. Not a burn mark on it. Only heavy beads of sweat glistening from every pore of his body, just like that woman he saw. But didn't she have long hair? He felt his bald head. Maybe she got there the same time he had. But she was naked, like he is now. Nothing made sense. What was going on? Was any of this real? The pain sure felt real. Yet, it didn't, at least not in any reasonable or explainable way he could come up with.

"What is this place?" Josh thought.

A small part of him had an idea, but he didn't want to admit it. It couldn't be possible. He remembered distinctly asking God to forgive him before he pulled the trigger. Josh felt the back of his head where the bullet should have exited. God should have forgiven him. Still holding the back of his head he looked around again. This certainly couldn't be heaven. And he certainly wasn't in some kind of sleeping state. Most definitely he hadn't killed himself and now ceased to exist, his flesh and bone was proof of that. It left only one other possibility then, and was almost too unbelievable for him to accept. Him in hell? It just couldn't be. But he could think of no other place so vividly described by those crazy preachers he was forced to listen to. Was it really happening to him? Even if he didn't believe in hell, he'd still be right where he was. If this was hell, what does he do now? What could he do? Josh quickly calculated how long he'd be forced to live like this. He obviously couldn't die again. This meant he was sentenced to this place forever. Before he could break down into uncontrollable crying, Josh was startled by a noise to his right. It was the sound of something scurrying past. It was the distinctive sound of claws on hard rock. Visions of pictures he'd seen of devil's with hooved feet and pitchforks readily came to the forefront of his mind right then. Josh stood up, nervous and concerned for his welfare.

"Hello?" his voice was quieter. He'd hoped to get the attention of some other human who might be nearby.

Something to his left flew past him. Josh looked but saw nothing. Whatever was out there, it was watching him, waiting for just the right moment. Josh's chin trembled. He felt like crying. His whole body shook violently. He didn't know how things worked here, he couldn't plan for anything. What he did plan would be useless anyhow. For the first time in his life he knew he wasn't in control of what was going to happen. He had to calm down if he was going to think straight but it wasn't easy. He used some breathing techniques to slowly calm his heart rate and ease his body to stop shaking. To his surprise it worked. He was able to focus a little better and felt a little more prepared. But he wasn't.

An arrow whistled in from behind him, sounding something like a bottle rocket, and plunged itself near the spine of his back. The thrust of the arrow hit him so hard he fell forward to the ground unable to cushion the fall with his hands. He fell on his chest, the side of his face slamming onto the floor, causing the black dust beneath him to sweep upwards. Josh gasped for air. He could feel his left lung struggling to inflate. Every breath he let out kicked up the black dust, as he tried to suck in some air the dust was sucked in with it making breathing even more intolerable. His hands shaking, he reached for the arrow. He felt every muscle connected to that spot pull and stretch as he pitifully tried to grab it with his fingertips. He could feel the shaft of the arrow was thicker than he expected one to be. It'd be useless to try and break it off. He slumped his hand to his side letting out an exhausted and garbled gasp. Then he heard it again, the sound of an old furnace lighting up.

Josh had no delusions of what it could be this time. Remembering the previous ordeal, Josh tried desperately to get to his feet. The very movement of his arms pulled and ripped at the wound in his back. Every nerve extending from it was set alert and cried out. Josh couldn't muster the strength to even get to his knees. He fell back to the floor with a thud, closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and cried.

The flames swept over him once again. In greater agony than the arrow gave him he curled up into a ball yelling out in pain. The arrow burned up in the flames and was swept away, his skin boiled, and again his insides baked. And then, as it had before, the flames disappeared, leaving behind the falling embers. Finally, the light returned above him.

His breathing had returned to normal, whatever that meant for him now. His lung no longer felt punctured, but that was little comfort knowing there may be more to come and there was no leaving this place. Josh refused to move. He laid there curled up on his side, shaking and sobbing to himself.

Josh wasn't sure how much time passed before he felt a sharp blade being shoved into the side of his forehead. The sudden strike and pain surprised Josh. He wanted to scream out in pain but was too shocked to do anything. The pressure in his head from the blade made it feel like his eyes would pop out of his skull. Josh dug his fingernails into the hard black floor in a desperate attempt to flee, but it only served to rip them away from the skin without moving his body an inch. He tried to reach for the blade to remove it from his head but the perpetrator twisted the shaft causing the sharp object to grind the edges of his skull. The creature then pulled the object out leaving Josh lying there holding his head. Now freer to maneuver, Josh rolled to his side and clasped the side where the blade once held him down. He could feel the mangled hole. He wasn't bleeding but the skin was ripped open and chunks of brain and skull easily fell out onto his hands. The sound of a furnace igniting behind him made him pause. Josh did nothing this time. He let his hand, now covered with brain matter and skull fragments fall to the ground. He stared at the flame coming at him. As it raced toward him he thought of all the things he should have done when he was alive and all the things that led up to him being here. But it didn't make sense, it wasn't his fault things went wrong in his life. If his wife had been a better lover he wouldn't have cheated on her. If someone had done a better job of warning him about hell he would have gone to church more often. Even God could have revealed Himself a little better to more clearly warn Josh, and then he wouldn't be here. Why should he suffer because of God's lack of responsibility? Then, the fiery pains gripped him once more. He was never sure how long this went on, the fire and torture. They could have lasted minutes but it felt like hours. There was no sense of time anymore. Then, just as quickly as it came, the flames were gone, leaving Josh in the fetal position like a confused baby.

Once more smoke rose from his naked body and embers floated down like some kind of evil snowflake lighting a large area of the vast darkness all around. Each went out in its own time until one was left. It floated down lazily until it was a few feet above Josh. As it went out it illuminated the area around Josh to reveal a hoard of demon creatures who encircled him. Josh was unaware of any of them. His face remained covered with his hands and his eyes were shut tight. He still thought he could feel the pain of the fire and now pain of the shaft once in his skull. And just like before, after the last ember died out, the light above him returned, shining brightly on him.

Josh lay on the ground, sweaty and shaking from fear and pain. He knew there would be more pain to come but he didn't know how or for how long. He heard something scurry across the hard floor behind him. The pain he dreaded was about to start again. The once flowing tears stopped almost instantly as Josh quickly weighed his options. Still in pain, still smoldering from the fiery experience, Josh wiped the excess tears from his eyes and cheeks then got to his feet.

"Wait!" he yelled out between his heavy breathing. He wiped a few more tears from his eyes. "Wait," he still shook a little, "let me do something for you." he was speaking in every direction, not sure where this, or these, things were. "Let me...," he thought about it, "...let me go back bring more people down here for you." Josh thought of several people he'd like to see go through this. There was no response. "Let me...," he thought desperately of something else he could offer but nothing came to his mind, "...just let me...," he looked around for some sign of movement, anything, "...p-please."

Not being answered was almost worse than being told "no". A dark red figure stepped out of the deep darkness, stopping just at the edge of the light. Josh could see the creature was holding a club in its hand. Josh pleaded with it to let him go. Without warning it took two quick steps towards him, raising the club even quicker to meet the bottom of Josh's chin. Josh's bottom teeth were forced up into the top of his mouth gouging into the soft skin. The force knocked him almost senseless on his back. Disoriented, Josh laid on the ground holding his mouth. Thinking the beast would come in for another blow Josh tried to ignore the pain and stumbled to his feet.

"Wait," he said almost muffled, still holding his now swelling mouth while holding his other hand out in front of him, "wait. Just wait a second. I just wanna say something real fast."

His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest he was so nervous. Josh wasn't sure whether the beast would actually listen or suddenly begin to violently beat him. The creature, to which Josh now figured to be a demon, didn't say a word but instead took a step back as if to tell Josh he would wait and hear him out.

Josh was slightly stunned the demon was willing to hear what he had to say. He had hoped it would but wasn't really prepared when it actually happened. Josh paused longer than he'd anticipated.

"Um," he tried to think quickly what he wanted to say. "Look, let me help you. If you send me back I'll lead anyone I come in contact with down here. I..I know you probably hear that a lot, but I mean it. I'll...I'll tell people you're not as bad as what they're told. You know by those preachers who say if we go to hell we'll be tormented day and night? I'll be real convincing too. If you saw me when I was there, you'd know how convincing I can be..."

The demon slowly backed away into the darkness again. Josh was nervous it would come shooting back out and hit him to the floor. He wasn't sure if what he said got through very well. He thought of things he probably should have bargained with instead but now it may be too late. He wasn't even sure if the demon was still out there or even if it spoke English. For all Josh knew the demon spoke some ancient dialect..

An orange glow shone from behind him illuminating the area. It was becoming painfully more familiar to him. The demon was gone. It had good reason. It didn't want to be subject to the same torment Josh was about to experience. Josh's hands dropped to his sides. He knew the flames would come, then they would go, and then something else would take its turn to further torture him. He began to cry again, feeling hopeless.

He couldn't get used to the intense heat, no matter how hard he tried. He tried telling himself it wasn't real, but all his senses overruled it. The pain he felt didn't go away and only seemed to intensify with each round. He had hoped he would go into some sort of coma so he could simply lie there as the flames did what they did best. Even that was too good to be true. When the flames stopped Josh lay on the ground crying, wishing there was something he could do. Every plan he'd thought of didn't seem to work. There had to be some way out of all this. Maybe there was.

"God?" It was his only hope, "Jesus!?" he got on his knees the best he could and wiped his eyes. Folding his hands in front of him tightly he closed his eyes and prayed, "Please God." He said through sobs, "Please! I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for taking my life. I couldn't see any other way. But I know you're merciful. I know you give grace. I know I don't deserve it. I know I wasn't a faithful Christian when I was alive. Please God, be merciful to Your lowly servant and give me Your grace. I need You now more than ever."

Josh continued his plea, hoping there was some possible way God would hear him even way down here. He wanted this so bad it was the first heart-felt prayer he'd made in his life. He heard a noise in the distance. At first he thought it might be his answer to prayer. But then he saw the figure of a demon slowly step out of the shadows. It was hard to notice at first. The demon was black as coal. It grinned at Josh, showing his sharp yellow teeth. Josh closed his eyes tighter and tried praying harder. His heart beat faster. He could almost feel the demon coming nearer. Josh opened his eyes slightly. The demon was making its way towards him. It gripped a spear in its right hand, possibly the weapon used to shove through Josh's skull when he lay helpless on the ground. Josh closed his eyes again continuing his prayer. He didn't want to look how close it was, but he hadn't heard a sound from it. Josh stopped praying and opened his eyes. The demon was no more than three feet away from him. Josh was going to have to do something on his own if he were to get out of this. He stood to his feet and did the only thing he knew to do. When the demon thrust the spear at him he grabbed the spearhead then held out his other hand towards the demon and demanded, "I rebuke you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!"

It was a futile attempt. The demon sneered at Josh then continued forward causing Josh to lose his balance and fall backwards. Josh tried to redirect the tip of the spear away from his body, but the demon was far too strong for him. It slowly and patiently drove the spearhead into Josh's abdomen, tearing at his gut, making Josh feel not only the pain, but sick to his stomach. When the blade was fully buried inside the demon began twisting the spear. Josh could hear the awful noise it made. It sounded like someone scooping out the insides of a watermelon. Josh wasn't sure what he did wrong. Why didn't God answer? Maybe Josh didn't have enough faith or use the right words. Maybe his prayer wasn't as sincere as it should have been. Maybe if he kept praying.

With the spearhead still in his gut, Josh began praying to Jesus. He tried not to think about the sharp metal object jutting out from him. He prayed more heatedly, hoping by doing so would lessen the pain. It didn't. He could feel the tip of the blade digging into his spine now. He gritted his teeth while he kept praying. He praised Jesus for all the wonderful things He'd done. He thanked Him for blessing him with a wonderful daughter, even though he hadn't been there for her. He thanked Him for dying on the cross, for His love, and for being so merciful. Josh hoped for this mercy. He stressed his need for it.

Staying on the subject was difficult. The demon seemed to know exactly where to place the spear. He should, he'd probably been doing things like this long enough to perfect his "art". If Josh couldn't get out of this, he'd end up experiencing everything these demons had perfected over the many millenniums. Josh did his best to pray through the pain, but his mind would paint a vivid picture of what the spear was doing to his insides. He heard the furnace start up again. He halted his praying and opened his eyes. The demon was gone, leaving the spear sticking out of Josh's body. Josh staggered a bit but got to his knees hoping in that position, with a spear jutting out of his abdomen, God would take pity on him. He continued to pray only stopping when the flames lapped over him. The pain was so severe he couldn't think to pray. He tried but couldn't focus. Even with his eyes closed Josh saw vivid pictures of his flesh splitting and melting, falling to the floor. He tried replacing the pictures with ones of Jesus on the cross or of Him carrying a lamb on his shoulders but the pain, and now the smell of his burning skin, couldn't be ignored. It was only when the flames disappeared that he feebly resumed his pleading.

"Oh God please...," laying on the ground he barely got the words out through his tears.

He was too exhausted to kneel, breathing in the soot all around him. He begged Jesus to send an angel to take him from this place. He prayed and begged so hard, he couldn't think of anything else he could do to get God's attention. Josh began to think there was no hope. He must be doomed to this hell for eternity.

He stopped praying and just cried. He was totally broken. He thought of nothing else but how worthless he felt and how his life was meaningless. He wanted to serve God and if only he'd be given a second chance, he'd turn from every sort of wickedness and devote the rest of his life to Him. He couldn't see that happening, not now, not ever.

"Jesus...," he said in one last attempt, "...please...."

It was then that he felt a soft cool hand on his shoulder. Josh quickly turned and crawled back a few feet, fearing it was some demon coming to have its fun with him. For an instant Josh's mind flashed to the lady who he tried to comfort earlier. He knew now she wasn't afraid of him, she was afraid of what might come next. But when Josh looked at what touched him he almost couldn't believe his eyes. It was a tall man clothed in white. He had the most beautiful golden-blond hair Josh had ever seen. Every strand of it appeared to gleam and shimmer off of the light above them. His eyes glowed a magnificent royal blue. He was clean-shaven and handsome. Josh had never seen an angel before. But this...person was just like he had imagined.

"Hello Josh. I'm Driton."

His voice was so comforting it struck Josh right in his heart. He felt an unspeakable joy that he couldn't explain. It was the first time he'd felt God actually heard his prayers and answered them quickly. It was almost unbelievable, but the proof stood right in front of him. Josh broke down and started crying again, thanking God over and over.

Driton came to Josh and crouched down to him, placing his soft hand on his shoulder, "You're okay now. I'm going to take you out of this place."

Josh couldn't find the words to say how he felt. He wanted to thank him, but he didn't know the best word to use to show how thankful he was. He wanted to reach out and hold Driton but wasn't sure if he should. Josh didn't have long to wonder, Driton wrapped Josh in his arms and held him there. Josh let go of all the tension he'd held in. His body shook from uncontrolled sobbing. He still couldn't believe his prayers were actually answered. Josh gripped Driton's white robe tightly with both hands. He wanted to feel that all this was real. He'd wanted this so bad and, now that he had it, he didn't want to let it go. Driton's robe was so soft, made of something Josh never felt before. Josh couldn't stop crying. Driton didn't mind, he was willing to sit there holding him for as long as Josh needed.

"W-why," Josh started to ask through his tears, "did this happen to me?"

"Josh," Driton's voice was so soothing, "you killed yourself. People who commit suicide go to hell, no matter what. " Tears flowed harder from Josh's eyes as he once again buried his face into Driton's chest. "Shh, Josh. You have nothing to fear now. I'm going to take you out of this place. Your prayers have been heard. You have a strong spirit. That's a very noble trait for a person to have. You're safe now."

"Thank you. Thank you." Josh said, more so to God for answering his prayers than for Driton's compliment.

"Whenever you're ready to leave we can go," Driton assured.

Josh wasted no time in composing himself. He wanted out of this place as quickly as possible. Josh let go his grip on Driton's robe, wiped his face of tears with his handsand stood. Driton followed him to his feet never taking his eyes off Josh's. Josh sniffed a couple more times, breathed out a relieved sigh then smiled at Driton. Josh felt stronger now and more grateful for anything he had in his life. He knew he'd been a sinner but now felt truly forgiven by God's. Josh was ready to stand by the pledge he made. He was ready to do whatever He asked of him. He didn't care if it was cleaning up after everyone, he'd be thankful he was there.

Fully recovered now he said, "I'm ready," then sniffed once more.

Chapter 4

Immediately and without warning they were transported out of that dark Hell and into the dark wooden pew of a large unfamiliar church. Josh could see sunlight streaming in through the beautiful stained glass windows to his right and in the front. The building had a high cathedral ceiling held up by large wooden beams stretching from one end to the other. The stone pillars, which helped support the wooden beams, looked like white marble or some other stonework, Josh wasn't much of a mason. On either side of the altar were two tall candles flickering away with every little breeze. To the left was a large podium with a cross on the front. In front of the altar was what appeared to be a men's choir. They were dressed in plain clothes, alluding to the fact that there was no formal church service going on. The men lined up on the tiered platform some clearing their throats to prepare their voices, others chatted quietly with the man next to them as they waited. The choir leader silently stepped in front of the group and raised his hands. The men hushed and looked forward. The choir leader began gently waving his arms back and forth as the men started practicing their hymn. Their voices echoed beautifully through the sanctuary as they sang a cappella in perfect harmony.

Josh looked down at himself, touching the clothes he'd had on before that fateful night. Josh whispered as though everyone could hear him. "Are we...?" he looked around again at the sanctuary wondering if he was in heaven, "Am I...alive?"

"Not in the same sense as you're used to," Driton said taking his eyes off the men's choir to look at Josh but keeping his ear turned in their direction, "You have no physical body like you had on earth. That's been discarded." His eyes moved towards the choir. The men sang beautifully, "Your soul, on the other hand," he continued, "lives on forever. Humans refer to it as being reborn into a new life."

"So," Josh looked around again, "this isn't heaven?"

Driton smiled, "You'd think it would be." He faced the choir, "Sometimes humans can sing the most wonderful songs." He paused to listen, then went on, "But unfortunately no, this is not heaven. Not yet anyway." He smiled at Josh.

Josh feigned a smile, but wasn't really sure why. He didn't know what Driton was referring to. He assumed it was either something only angels were told about or something that had been told to him in Sunday school or church but he failed to hear it. Neither concerned him too much. He was still affected by his torment in hell. He still thought he could feel his skin burning slightly, he could see it in his head, and his mouth still felt dry.

"I'm sorry you had to endure all that, Josh." Driton said

Josh tried to swallow. He wasn't aware what he was thinking was so obvious. "It's alright; it's not your fault."

Driton smiled tightening his lips, "Well, you're safe now. I only brought you here to give you some kind of familiarity. I can imagine what it's like to only know one way to live then being thrust into a world where the rules you've lived by your whole life are...thrown out the window, if you don't mind me using that human phrase." Josh mindlessly shook his head, still trying to figure out what was going on. Driton smiled like a foreigner proud he'd learned the local lingo. "So, I hoped to bring you here, let you get your bearings then, when you have everything straightened out in your head, we can go."

Josh looked around the sanctuary a third time. In the pews sat a few people here and there, quite possibly family members of the men. Sitting in the pew a few rows ahead of him were two characters who suddenly stood out from the rest. They had what looked like white wings tucked neatly to their sides. Between the wings Josh saw their golden-blond hair falling from the tops of their heads down to the middle of their backs, almost hiding their white robes. They sat quietly watching the choir, swaying back and forth with the rhythm, mouthing each stanza with the choir. The one on the right leaned to the other and whispered something in his ear. They were too far for Josh to hear but whatever he said made the other smile and nod. It was infectious, making Josh smile. It was endearing how the little things like a smile can bring so much joy to someone else.

Josh looked at Driton who also began to sway to the left and the right with the tempo. Josh smiled again then looked back at the angels in front. From what he could tell Driton and the other two were the only three angels there. The rest of the people sat blissfully in the pews listening to the choir. Others rested their heads against the pew in front of them or sat quietly with their heads forward with their hands folded prayerfully in their lap, both looked deep in thought. They needed God just as bad as Josh did. He really felt for them. Happy they were looking to God for help before it was too late and sad because even Josh knew what it was like to really need God to move his life.

Josh turned his attention back to the choir's beautiful music. He closed his eyes allowing his ears to have more control of his senses. He thought he could hear every note and every voice in the choir more clearly. Until now he'd never appreciated that kind of music. His type of music used to be loud with screaming angry singers yelling over loud drums that did their best to play over the even louder guitars. If someone would have brought this kind of music to him he would have yawned or scoffed at the idea of it being real music. Now, Josh soaked in every note echoing through the cathedral. The music seemed to transform him. The pain he'd endured in hell for who knows how long melted away. He finally realized how real peace felt. He breathed in a sigh of relief, opened his eyes again, and then looked at Driton. He noticed for the first time Driton didn't have wings. Josh looked back at the angels sitting in front of them, then looked at Driton and leaned closer.

"Why don't you have wings?"

Driton raised an eyebrow and smiled, "Not all angels have wings."

"Oh." Josh looked at the back of the pew in front of him thinking about it.

Driton leaned to Josh, "In the Bible you'll read of angels who have wings and those who don't. It all depends on their job."

"Oh." Josh said still looking at the pew in front of him. Then he leaned back to Driton smiling, "I thought it was like that movie—"

Driton smiled immediately, lightly shaking his head as he interrupted, "No, it's not like that movie where an angel has to earn his wings."

"Sorry." Josh said, finally feeling a little at ease. There was a pause between the two then Josh spoke up again. "Are there a lot of you guys?"

"We have enough."

"Y'know I never really thought about angels before. Never really thought about heaven or hell either. I mean, I guess I should've. I just...," he tried to think of a good excuse but nothing was coming to him. He felt almost embarrassed until Driton spoke up.

"You're not the only one, Josh. With each passing generation we're forgotten more and more. The world wants concrete answers to their questions and science and logic have done a good job of explaining us away making room for their own theories." Josh nodded like he understood, but he really didn't, "Then something comes along that looks unexplainable, you'll have hundreds of reportedly 'educated' people trying to figure out how it was done but because they don't believe in God they rationalize their findings by seeking out an alternative reason for the anomaly, usually in the guise of 'natural forces'. And because they are 'educated' the world follows after them, believing whatever they say. Over time God, heaven and hell are being taken out of every day vocabulary so people don't notice." Driton paused for a moment as though saddened of the inevitable truth. "We're becoming myths to humanity."

Josh kept quiet, studying the look on Driton's face. Who was he to comfort an angel? He waited for Driton to make the next move. Driton closed his eyes soaking in the singing that still hung in the air. He opened his eyes again and looked straight ahead.

"But then again, I have to keep reminding myself that this is how it's supposed to happen."

Driton didn't go on but instead let his comment dangle there, pricking Josh's interest, "What do you mean?"

Driton smiled at Josh, "It's...well, it's not that important for you to worry about, Josh. You have eternity ahead of you. The things that are going on in the world don't affect you anymore. Let's just enjoy the music for now okay?"

With that Driton closed his eyes again and turned his attention back to the choir. Josh nodded but was more interested in what Driton meant. Did he mean everything that happens on earth is preplanned? Does that mean everything that's happened to Josh was supposed to happen? Does that mean Josh had no choice in the matter?

Driton broke Josh's concentration, "Are you ready then?"

"Um, sure."

Josh wanted to ask a few questions before he went to heaven and Driton went away, possibly for good. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to ask anyone in heaven about everything he wanted to know. Would Josh be too busy? What would he do in heaven? Would he have a "job" assigned to him like Driton and the other angels had? Does he have his own personal heaven?

Josh was really worried about meeting Jesus. He was afraid he'd have to explain why he did all those awful things when he was alive. He might say something offensive to Him and Jesus get angry then send him back to hell. Josh was well aware that Jesus knew all the things he'd done, even those he did in secret. If Jesus wasn't there to personally witness what Josh had done, he was sure He was made aware of it some other way. Josh was getting himself more nervous just thinking about it. Luckily Driton stood, motioning Josh to do the same, getting his mind off the subject.

Josh followed Driton to the aisle, trying carefully not to make any noise, still not fully grasping the fact he no longer had a physical body. Out of the corner of his eye Josh thought he saw something mingled in with the men's choir. Something dark or maybe the shadow of a figure moving amongst them. He took a second look. He saw nothing but the men breaking up after finishing their set. Driton kept walking towards the front doors of the church and out onto the street. By the time Josh finished surveying the choir and the surrounding area Driton was already down the steps and on the sidewalk. Josh ran to catch up.

The sun was still out and the city was busy with pedestrians on sidewalks and vehicles in the streets. From what Josh could see everything looked normal, if that word could be used in such a place as he was in now. He hardly knew what to expect except what he'd seen on television. He thought everything would be brighter and whiter. He also thought maybe he'd see angels flying down a ray of sunlight to the earth. Josh was wrong. Everything looked like it did when he was alive. The sights and sounds were more than familiar to someone who'd been on the streets for a year. Josh was almost disappointed. He'd had such expectations of what the afterlife would be like that it was almost a letdown when he actually saw it.

An angel walking the other way distracted Josh. Josh turned his head to watch it gracefully follow a pedestrian down the sidewalk. Josh smiled wondering how many angels had been following him when he was alive. He shook his head in amusement. He couldn't believe he'd been so naïve to think he'd been alone during the times no human was around.

His amusement quickly turned. He saw, past the angel and across the street, something else moving amongst the people. They were dark and shadowy figures, the color of charcoal. Josh slowed his pace to better focus on one of the creatures. It was whispering something to the human it was following. Josh slowed his walk even more, no longer concerned how far in front of him Driton was. He looked around again to take another look at his surroundings...another good look at it. He saw more dark shapes, many doing just as the angels were, following near behind or next to a human. There weren't many, but enough that he saw one every several steps he took. They came in all different shapes and sizes and while they mimicked angels, they looked nothing like them. They had to be demons. Josh never considered demons could roam so freely amongst humans, and so near an angel. He'd always thought if one saw the other the two would duel, or something like that. They walked so casually near one another. Was this how it worked? Is this how it is everywhere?

Josh's thoughts fluttered off, as it often did, to wondering why angels looked similar but demons didn't. He thought to ask Driton but convinced himself to wait for the right moment, until then, first things first.

"Mr. Driton...uh...sir...," Josh hadn't had a lot of experience talking to a celestial being before, "...I don't mean to anger you or anything so please don't be offended when I ask you this, but what did you mean when you said back there in the church that, 'this's how it's supposed to happen'?"

Driton smiled at Josh's attempt at being polite, "My name's just Driton, Josh. It's the name God gave to me and you can feel free to call me that all you want."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't know. If you read your Bible you'll find it says the world will be deceived and begin to denounce Jesus as the Son of God." Driton turned his face slightly to the left as though he had just realized something. "Oddly enough it's taken longer to explain away angels than it has Jesus...hm." He looked back at Josh trying to stay on track, "It doesn't mean everyone in the world will believe Jesus was just a good guy, it's really more of an expression. What the Bible is saying is most of the people in the world will believe this."

"But why?" Josh said trying to keep the same stride as Driton.

"It's what we call the 'human factor'. God knows humans will do whatever they can to feel guilt-free from doing whatever they want. History shows humans have a knack of twisting the truth, thinking they're doing God's will. Before Jesus comes back the world will get worse, and I mean a lot worse. Those who remain faithful to Jesus' teachings, can endure all the evils done to them, and still remain strong in their convictions will, in the end, be saved."

"Yeah, but why?" It was a lot for Josh to follow. He was hoping for a simpler explanation.

Driton stopped walking and turned to Josh. He thought for a moment then said, "I've already told you. Many people can say they love God, but few can really follow-through. Look, have you ever been in love?"

"Yeah."

"How did you know? Is it because they said 'I love you' that you believed?"

Josh thought about it again then answered shrugging, "Yeah...I guess."

"Did any of them stick around when your life got...difficult?"

His question stabbed Josh right in the heart. He thought of everyone who said they loved him. Then he remembered them abandoning him when times got tough. Maybe they really didn't love him. Maybe no one really loved him.

"Did you run away when others' lives became difficult and clashed with yours?"

Josh sunk his shoulders. There'd been many times he wanted to just leave when his wife wanted to talk about her job or their daughter. He remembered thinking he had better things to do than sit there and listen to her go on and on, complaining about something. He learned to tune her out but then she'd just get angry with him because he wasn't listening to her. How could he have been so stupid? So selfish?

"So," Driton continued, "would you say the proof of their feelings is in the words they say or of the things they do when the times get really tough?" Josh didn't answer, but it didn't matter, Driton didn't expect one. "God's the same. He doesn't want you to just say you love Him, that's easy and anyone can do it. True love is shown when really hard times come and those who love you stick by your side regardless. Troubled times are going to come to the world, those who truly love God will hold onto Him as they go through it. He knows and sees people suffering. But He also knows of the eternal life that's waiting for them if they keep their hope alive. The suffering people go through in this life is nothing to be compared with to the joy they will have in heaven."

"I...I guess I never saw it that way."

And he hadn't. To Josh, God had always been some invisible entity up in heaven looking down on the people of earth like an arrogant overseer, too holy to hear His subjects unless they remained perfect, which His subjects correctly admitted was impossible. With the rest of humanity, Josh thought, He was always yelling and condemning. Pointing His angry finger at them every minute of the day as they sinned against Him as if to say, "See!? This is why you don't deserve it!" But that was the then, in his old life. The way Driton explained it was different, and it made more sense.

"You were looking at it from a human perspective, Josh." Driton continued, "The world says if you're not happy you should just leave. Usually, and I'll stick with relationships, if a relationship gets a little rocky, people are quick to get a divorce. The world doesn't frown on it because it's more accepted. So love, the real root meaning of the word, loses its true impact in the relationship when it's tested by what life throws at it. That's not how God works. God doesn't give up on you and toss you to the side for someone else. And that's not how He wants humans to work. God walks through the rocky times with you. He asks nothing different from those who say they're followers of Christ. He does things because He has an ultimate goal in mind. So, humans are tested so they can, hopefully, see what's truly in their own hearts."

Josh was silent again. He thought of all the things that were in his heart when he was alive that he ignored or refused to accept. He hated himself for being so stubborn. For a moment he wanted to shake his head to try and get those thoughts away so he wouldn't have to keep thinking about how he'd made such a big mistake. But that's what he'd always done. He knew he had to face his feelings, even his past, no matter how much it hurt.

The two walked on in silence. Grimly Josh looked around. He saw angels and demons here and there. He saw humans walking about unconscious to the fact that they weren't alone. "Fools." He thought to himself. But he knew he was just as foolish. He couldn't help but berate himself for again being so naïve. He couldn't get the thought out of his head and he was feeling more miserable just thinking about it.

Josh's feelings eventually, and slowly, faded, allowing his mind to wander to other subjects. He thought of other questions he wanted to ask but wasn't sure if he should be asking them. He can't be the only human in history who asked this many questions to an angel. It probably happens so often Driton already anticipated more questions. Josh wasn't sure which was best so he just winged it.

"Are there a lot of you guys?" He returned to the first question he asked in the church. "I mean, I know you said you have enough, but I just wasn't sure how many. Millions? Billions?"

Driton didn't hesitate, "There are a lot of angels. And there are a lot of demons." There was a pause in the conversation, "More angels than demons, just so you know." he added with a smile.

"Really?" Josh was trying to keep up with Driton. He'd probably have an easier time of it if he didn't keep forgetting he wasn't alive anymore and no longer had to dodge people coming the other way. "I guess I always thought it was kinda' even. Y'know, like a football team or somethin'." Josh felt like an idiot after saying that. Comparing angels and demons to a football team?

"You should have read your Bible more, Josh. It says Lucifer was sent to hell and brought a third of the angels with him. This means two-thirds of the angels haven't been sent to hell."

"I'm sorry," Josh still felt foolish, "I didn't mean to compare it to a football game. I mean, there's just a lot I don't know. I never really read the Bible."

"Too busy?"

Josh shrugged, "Yeah." Knowing that wasn't the only reason.

"Worrying about other things?"

"Yeah, kinda'."

"Money?"

"Yeah, but...," Josh was starting to feel ashamed. Driton already seemed to know so much about him.

"Sex? Drugs? Drinking? What people would think if they saw you reading it?" Josh didn't answer. "You're not alone Josh." he said compassionately. "I don't know." He said shaking his head, "It's all there in the Bible but many refuse to pick it up or just give up on it too soon. It fascinates us that something can be right in front of you and you still don't believe."

"Yeah, but it's not easy." Josh said trying to defend himself and all human-kind, "I mean, with all the things around tempting us."

"True." Driton glanced around giving Josh an acceptable nod then pointing once at the magazine stand filled with photos of models dressed in skimpy clothing, then at the strip club on the other side of the street.

"The devil's hard at work," Josh added.

"Don't give the devil too much credit. Demons can only persuade, they can't force anyone to do something. It's like pointing someone in the wrong direction and letting them go on thinking they're on the right track."

Josh furrowed his eyebrows, "Sounds confusing."

"It's only confusing to those who've been deceived. Look, let me try to explain it a little better. Let's go somewhere; I want to show you something."

Chapter 5

The sun was already below the horizon but you really couldn't tell with the overcast in the sky. The clouds had come out of nowhere, which made it even darker than it should have been at that hour. Driton and Josh walked through the city passing the tall buildings mingled with the smaller shops. Josh still maneuvered around the few pedestrians, trying not to knock into them.

Reaching the "nicer" part of the city slowed Josh down a little. The streets looked cleaner, the buildings were fancier, and the people dressed more up-scale. He sneered at everything. He remembered living on the streets watching as they walked by not giving him a single glance. He'd imagine them in their fancy condos oblivious to what's going on to those less fortunate in their own city. They'd sit at dinner with a table full of food believing the rest of the city must be doing as well. Josh smiled to himself thinking of what their end would be when they're judged for what they've done. They had another thing coming if they thought they were getting into heaven.

"Josh!" Driton called out.

Josh stopped. Driton's voice came from behind him. He turned around to see he'd walked twenty feet before Driton had said anything. Josh had been in such deep thought that he hadn't seen Driton stop in front of one of those fancy buildings. He stood under a green canopy that stretched from the front door to the edge of the sidewalk near the street. On the side of the canopy Josh read, "The Westgate" written in elegant white lettering. He'd heard of this building. The building itself was built in the early twentieth century but had recently gone through a renovation and now offered many modern condos. The type he could never afford after the divorce.

"Sorry," Josh said apologetically, "my mind was elsewhere."

"It's alright," Driton said smiling, "I half thought to let you go to see how far you'd walk before noticing something missing." Josh smiled, glad Driton wasn't angry. "Come on," Driton said, "I want to show you something." then motioned him to follow.

Josh followed Driton up to the revolving glass door framed in its mirror-polished brass. A couple walked out allowing Driton and Josh to follow the movement of the door directly into the lobby. The inside equally matched the outside in elegance: a high ceiling, plush carpet, and a roomy waiting area. Josh had never seen such a nice place, except for on television. The main floor was bustling with people coming in and going out. Bellhops rushed to carry luggage with eager expressions on their faces. The receptionists wore gleaming white smiles ready to greet the next person within eyeshot.

Driton tapped Josh's arm, "C'mon." and led him to the other side of the lobby.

A man wearing a nice business suit and hat passed by Driton and Josh, reaching the other end before they did. With barely a glance the man tipped his folded newspaper to push the button for the elevator. All three stood there waiting until the "ding" chimed, telling them the stainless steel doors were about to open. Driton and Josh followed the man in and stood behind him waiting for the doors to slide shut. Except for the elevator music there wasn't much noise. All three stared ahead. The man turned his head slightly, like he'd heard something behind him. Josh thought he'd just saw something to his left and looked to see what it was. The man faced forward again but then turned around a second time, only this time he looked in Josh's direction. His eyes squinted a bit as though trying to focus on something. Josh stared back at the man feeling a little uncomfortable and nervous. The man's face was expressionless, as though he was trying to figure something out. Josh and the man stood looking at each other. Josh expected the man to say something, to call him out, or to make some kind of gesture that he could see him. The man looked down at the floor where Josh's feet were, then returned his glance back to Josh's face. Satisfied he was the only one in the elevator, the man turned to face the doors again. Josh looked at Driton, desperately wanting to ask him if the man knew they were there, was he dead too, and if he wasn't why he turned around if no one can see them. If Driton knew Josh had questions, he didn't let on. He simply stood there staring at the doors as though he were just another human waiting for his floor. At the twenty-third floor the elevator stopped, the doors opened, and the man got out, not once looking back. The doors closed again and the elevator continued its climb, finally stopping at the thirty-second floor. The doors opened to a man wearing a casual white shirt and blue jeans who boarded the elevator holding the hand of a young boy whom Josh assumed was the man's son. As they entered Driton got off. Josh quickly followed, just making it out before the doors closed. Josh looked back at the man and his son before the elevator doors closed. They had no idea Driton and Josh were there. It still amazed him.

The corridor was plain with no furniture and only a few mundane pictures hanging on the white walls. The walls were made brighter by the fluorescent lights beaming from the ceiling, but the tan carpet helped to warm the atmosphere, only a little. It was quiet. Josh thought of hell and how quiet it was there before everything went bad.

"Who lives here?" Josh wanted to break the silence if only for his own sense of security. He hoped what he asked was a safe question.

"Tiffany." Josh searched his memory trying to recall if he knew a Tiffany. Driton waved his hand, "It's no one you know," he smiled as he stopped at the door to one of the rooms, "It's not important who's in the room. What's important is what's in this room will help you understand better what goes on in this world." Josh wondered what that might be. "Okay," Driton turned his gaze from the dark brown door to Josh, "first question we're usually asked is, 'Can anyone alive see you?'" Josh thought it ironic that was the question he was going to ask Driton back in the elevator. It made Josh smile a bit. "The answer is no. They can neither see nor hear you. That being said, don't go trying to speak to anyone because, obviously, they can't hear you. There was this one guy who thought he could. He stood in front of people on the streets, or wherever we went, and tried to talk to them. They were totally unaware of his existence. The longer he spent here the more outlandish he became, thinking maybe if he got louder or acted silly they'd hear him. Soon he resorted to flapping his arms and yelling loudly only two inches from their face."

"Wow, what happened? Did you send him to hell or something?" Josh wanted to know for his own benefit, just in case.

Driton shrugged, "We really have no say so in the matter. None of us do. It's solely up to God. Ultimately he went to hell. We allowed him a little more time but he'd already sealed his own fate." Driton looked at the floor, shrugged again, and then looked back at Josh. "Some people just don't listen."

"How many?" Josh could tell Driton wanted to go into the room but he had to ask. "I mean, how many people have been sent to hell?"

"I've been doing this for a long time," Driton thought back reflecting on what he said, "...a very long time. During which I've seen countless people doing the same things over and over again thinking they're doing something that hasn't been thought of. I stopped counting some time ago. It got to be so many, after a while it seemed pointless."

Josh tightened his lips a little more. He was afraid he'd say something that would get him sent back to hell. He was willing to do anything to stay out of there. So Josh just nodded his response.

"Okay, let's go," Driton said.

Josh gave another small nod, nervous something bad would happen if he did otherwise. Driton reached his hand behind Josh, placing it gently between his shoulder blades, and urged him forward. Josh moved towards the door stiffly, not sure what he was supposed to do. Driton still urged him until his nose almost touched the door. Purely by reflex Josh closed his eyes thinking he was going to hit the hard surface, but it didn't happen. Josh opened his eyes and saw he and Driton were moved through to the other side, standing in what looked like a small living room.

Josh rubbed his chest making sure everything had been transported in one piece, "Whoa." He said a little nervously, still unsure what just happened.

The apartment was nice and clean. The walls and ceiling were painted white, which worked well with the cream colored carpet. To their left were two lamps on either side of a tan couch, on top of which curled a cat on the middle cushion snoozing away. The light from the lamps shone softly making a comfortable environment for a nap.

Driton started towards the far side of the apartment with Josh following close behind. To their right was the kitchen. It was small but big enough for one or two people. A single plate, some silverware, and a clear glass stood in the stainless steel sink. In front of the kitchen, on the other side of a wall, was the dining room, only slightly larger than the kitchen. A dark brown table sat in the middle of the room with a chair on each side. Whoever lived here really kept the place spotless. As Driton and Josh walked further into the apartment they reached the small hallway that separated the living room and bedroom. Josh began to hear what sounded like a shower running. He immediately imagined someone taking a shower and both of them barging in. It felt illegal somehow, even if no one could see them it still had to be violating someone's privacy in some way. Josh knew Driton was bound to God's rules though, and if God deemed it inappropriate, they wouldn't be allowed to do it. For some odd reason Josh began to think about all the times he'd been in the shower. How did he know an angel wasn't standing there watching him? He'd never know. Just like this person would never know they were there.

Brushing those thoughts aside he continued to follow Driton into the bedroom at the other end of the apartment. The sound of the shower was growing louder now. Josh swallowed deeply, nervous he was near the edge of some Godly boundary that if he said or did anything he'd be immediately sent back to hell. To their right against the wall nearest to them was the full-size bed with its covers folded down part way, prepared for the occupant to snuggle under. Beyond the bed and a little to the left was the door to the bathroom opened only a few inches allowing the steam to roll out. Josh was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. To their left against the wall was the dresser. On the top of it were some cosmetics and a purse.

"Uh...Driton, I feel like I'm violating someone's privacy." He said in almost a whisper.

Driton turned to Josh, "This is how the world really works, Josh. No one has any real privacy. Watch."

Driton motioned in front of them with a nod to the cream colored armchair in the corner, on the other side of the dresser, near the window. A demon appeared out of nowhere behind it. It was a frightening and familiar looking creature. Its skin was black as coal without a single hair covering its body. It was slightly hunched over, keeping its red eyes intently fixed on the bathroom door. It placed its bony fingers on the back of the chair and smirked showing its sharp teeth, as if anticipating seeing the woman come out of the bathroom naked or even half naked. Josh began to shake from fear. He had hoped he was over being terrorized by these beasts but the memories came back swiftly and vividly. He didn't want to be taken back. He wasn't sure if the demon had the power to.

"Driton," Josh said in a whisper, "That's the demon that attacked me in hell." Thoughts of that time and what the demon did flashed in his mind. He shook his head trying not to relive those moments.

"It's not." Driton assured, "He is a demon yes, but I can guarantee you that's not the same one."

"I don't care...I just...I wanna leave. You don't have to show me anymore. I believe you, whatever you say. I just don't wanna be here..."

"Josh," Driton held Josh's arm to comfort him, "You're not trusting." Josh swallowed hard. He could barely look up; hoping somehow his looking at the floor would shield him from the demon taking notice. "He's not the same demon who...," Driton stopped himself, knowing this was a delicate issue, "...you saw in hell. Many of them look very similar. They just have the same nature that's why you think it's the same one." Josh was still unsure. Driton turned Josh so he looked at him and pleaded. "Josh. You have to believe me."

Something about what Driton said made Josh think about the man who hadn't listened to him when he tried to give the man advice. Reluctantly Josh nodded and turned back to watch what would unfold.

The demon moved from out of the corner and towards the bathroom. The light from a silver standing lamp shone over his baldhead and pointed ears as he walked passed it. Now Josh could see the demon was shorter than he was, standing about five feet if Josh had to guess. The demon stopped several feet from the bathroom door and stood still once again. It took no notice of Josh or Driton. It was as though the demon had one thought on its mind.

"Should we do something?" Josh was concerned

"Yes. Not interfere."

Driton moved Josh back out of the doorway to the bedroom and closer to the bed. The demon walked slowly, as if stalking a prey, towards the bathroom door. Only halfway there and the door swung open allowing all the hot steam to pour out. A woman with straight shoulder-length hair wrapped only in a cream-colored towel, emerged. She walked out tucking the towel in front of her to hold it up. She looked up then stopped just outside the bathroom. Josh thought she had seen the demon, but he disappeared. She held her towel a little tighter as though she had seen something and glanced around the room. Everything looked in order. She seemed unsure. Josh and Driton stood quietly near the door to the room, waiting to see what would happen next. Josh thought he could hear the woman's heartbeat. The apartment was deathly quiet. Josh was waiting for her to sense they were there, but she never did. Her body relaxed as she moved some damp strands of hair from in front of her face. She walked past the end of the bed to the dresser, opened a drawer and poked around for something to put on. Something darted from the living room to the dining room. She whipped her head towards the open bedroom door gripping her towel with both hands. The demon reappeared to her left, standing so close he could have easily bit her ear off.

"What was that?" he whispered in her ear.

The woman breathed heavily. She thought she'd seen something, but wasn't sure. It could be her mind playing tricks on her, but what if it wasn't? What was it she'd seen? Everyone in the room could tell she was nervous. This delighted the demon even more. His plan was working.

"Did something just move out there?" the demon whispered again, "It looked too big to be the cat."

Josh looked at Driton who put his hand on Josh's shoulder to try and comfort him. The woman reached back in dresser drawer, never taking her eyes off of the front door at the far end of the condo. Shakily but quietly she searched the drawer for something until she finally found it. In her hand she firmly gripped a can of mace. She took a second to make sure the nozzle was pointing in the right direction; if there was something she was sure to hit it dead on. In her moist bare feet she walked slowly and quietly passed Driton and Josh into the little hallway. She did her best to hold the can of mace steady but she was nervous. She'd never had to deal with an intruder before. Josh felt Driton's hand on his arm leading him to follow her. When she made it to the edge of the hallway she leaned against the wall to her left, since whatever she saw went that way. It also provided her with a better angle into the living room. She saw nothing but her cat sleeping away on the couch.

She sighed softly, "I should've gotten a dog,"

She turned her attention to the dining room and kitchen, listening for any sounds. It was still quiet. Holding her breath she peered around the corner to the dining room, psyching herself up to be ready for anything. Around the corner she saw, nothing. Everything was in the same place she'd left it before going to take a shower. For a moment she felt relieved and let out a soft sigh, but the demon wasn't far behind her.

Again he whispered in her ear, "Maybe I saw it wrong and they went in the kitchen."

Her eyes shifted to the kitchen in response to the coaxing, her heart began to beat faster again. She could see the majority of the kitchen over the counter, but the only way in or out was through the doorway near the front door. Whatever she thought she saw could be kneeling down in front of the sink. She eased her way towards the doorway to the kitchen, crouching a little as she did, hoping it wouldn't see her coming. Driton and Josh stepped into the living room behind the coffee table. Even from this angle Josh couldn't see if there was anything in the kitchen but he too began to think there could be something in there waiting to attack. The woman paused at the edge of the doorway and took another deep breath. She hoped to God there was nothing there. Slowly she peeked around the corner getting the mace ready and found, nothing. She let out a deep sigh and about fell to the floor in exhaustion. She groaned holding her forehead.

She combed her hand through her still damp hair, "I've probably been working too much," she said out loud then checked the front door to be sure it was still properly locked, just in case. Satisfied everything was secure Tiffany walked back to the bedroom to finish dressing.

"Come on," Driton motioned to Josh, "let's go. We don't need to see the rest."

Driton stopped where the cat lay looking up at him peacefully. He petted the cat, which responded by getting up and stretching.

"Um, Driton?" Josh wasn't sure exactly what to say next. This whole ordeal was filled with one emotion after another. What just happened may have answered his initial question but it also added to it other questions.

"Hmm?" Driton said paying a little more attention to scratching under the cat's chin than what Josh was saying.

"There's just...I don't know. There's just so much I wanna ask. Like...," Josh looked at the cat purring away as though it were in heaven, "...well, like the cat for instance."

"What, you don't like cats?"

"No, it's not that. It's just, how can the cat see you...er...us and no one else can? For that matter how can the cat feel you petting it when you don't have a body? And..." Josh felt his anxiety rise, "...what happened in there?" he looked back towards the bedroom, sticking out his thumb over his shoulder, "What is it you wanted to show me with all this? And..." Josh wanted to go on but couldn't. The first round of questions that spilled out felt like enough.

"Well," Driton began unaffected by Josh's erratic emotions, "the cat can see us because animals are different than humans, obviously. I know it's become kind of a cliché that animals can see the 'undead', but there's some real truth to that." Driton continued to pet the cat, "I'm not going to get into all the physiological reasons it would just take too long. The quickest reason I can give is it's how they're wired. They can sense things better than humans. As for what happened in there and what it was I wanted to show you can both be answered at once. I wanted to give you an idea of how things work. It's not like you see in the movies, Josh. The devil doesn't make people do bad things, he doesn't have to. People do it pretty well on their own. The demon you saw? His job is to influence people. More precisely he was there to influence that woman."

"One demon? I thought I saw another one cross over from the living room to the kitchen."

"No, no, it was the same demon. You're in the spirit world now Josh, time and movement run differently here. It only takes one demon to try and coax that woman to sin. Some humans are a little more stubborn to fall into sin so more demons, or a more powerful demon, is required for them."

"So, the demon," Josh tried to think of the best word, "ran into the living room to run by the open bedroom door so she would think she saw something." Driton nodded, "Then he came back into the room to whisper in her ear making her think she was really asking herself the question." Driton nodded again. "Why would it do that?"

Driton looked as though he couldn't believe Josh didn't know, "To groom her, of course."

"I thought people couldn't see us."

"You they can't. Angels and demons can freely move in and out of this...reality, or 'shadow reality' as some have called it, when they want. Demons don't make it as obvious because...well, imagine what that woman would do if she saw him." Josh did. "It would be a lot harder for that demon to persuade her to do what her 'conscious' wanted her if she knew it was really him telling her those things. They know it's best to wait allowing the human mind to conjure up some kind of story. Little by little she'll let go until he has her doing whatever he wants."

"Why don't angels show themselves then? Y'know, to prove to people you guys're real."

"God won't allow it unless He sees a need. No angel would dare go against His will." Josh was about to ask another question but Driton started before he could. "Why doesn't God allow it then?" Driton already knew what Josh was going to ask. "It's about their faith. You can't have faith in something you can see. Faith is believing in something you don't see. So, if they saw, they would no longer trust Him because of the things He said, instead people would rely on the things He gives them. You ever have someone love you because of the things you gave them?" Josh thought of plenty of people. "Besides, people would start worshiping angels instead of God." Driton sighed, "Humans don't change, even after six thousand years. That was the point of the Bible, to give examples of how God loves humans. But people have to see things to believe them. Demons know this and use it to manipulate them. They've been around for a long time working together for the same purpose. And once they get into people's minds, it's hard to bring them back to the right path, and even then it can be tricky. Demons will twist what the Bible says to urge people to keep sinning when they think they're not. People are being manipulated to believe some crazy things and it doesn't take much because so few read and understand the Bible."

Driton got up from petting the cat who searched his hand for more. From the bedroom Josh could see sunlight beginning to stream in from the East. He was amazed the night went by so quickly.

Chapter 6

Josh followed Driton outside. With the exception of Tiffany's front door Josh made it to the sidewalk by timing doors just right. He wasn't sure if he could go through them on his own and his only resource was already walking two steps ahead of him. He was glad to be outside though. Not only because he felt so uncomfortable in that condo, but also he was learning to really appreciate the day.

The early morning sun peeked through the smallest openings between the buildings, brilliant rays shined between them. It was the first time Josh noticed he no longer felt the warmth of the sun every time he passed by them. He found he no longer felt much else either. He didn't feel hungry or tired, even though he hadn't eaten for quite some time. He thought it remarkable they'd walked so far but his legs didn't ache. He thought about how bad his knees had been getting. He hadn't considered himself old but his body told him differently. Now there was nothing. His knees felt just as limber as they did when he was a kid. Josh had to look around for a second to be sure this wasn't heaven. No, this was earth all right. If this wasn't heaven and his body did this well, he wondered what it would be like when he got there. He could run for miles without stopping. He could see heaven in a matter of months, depending on how big it was. Josh looked up at the blue sky. He almost didn't care anymore where they were going; he was ready to go into glory.

His wish didn't come right away. They continued walking for what seemed like hours. Driton led Josh out of the city and into the suburbs that sat comfortably on the outskirts. The houses there looked worn from years of neglect and abuse. The "yard" in front of some houses had little grass patches here and there. Others had no grass at all. The sidewalks too looked aged. Grass grew out from those that had cracked and few were level any more. Some rose up an inch, mostly in places near the large oak or maple trees that lined each side of the road.

Josh became bored with so much walking, seeing things he'd seen so many times before. He thought they would've been there by now. He looked behind from where they'd come. The city was too far now he couldn't see it. He tried to keep his mind preoccupied on good and joyful things. He looked up. A canopy of leaved branches stretched over him. He imagined what the neighborhood looked like before it went to ruin. A breeze blew the leaves helping them wave back and forth. Josh heard birds calling to each other from all over. He tried to guess what kind each one might be, but his knowledge of birds was about as good as his knowledge of life after death. He desperately wished he could feel it all, the cool concrete under his bare feet, the breeze blowing lightly in his stubby hair, and the sun tickling his skin as it passed through the leaves. He had taken so much for granted when he was alive. He'd always meant to take time to enjoy these kinds of things but thought there was never enough time. How he wished he could experience it again. If he ever got the chance he'd make sure he'd find the time, even if it were for a moment.

Josh's preoccupation must have helped. He hadn't noticed Driton finally stop. He was looking at a large church across the street. The sign in front said services started at 10:30 AM. The vehicles in the parking lot and the scarcity of their owners caused Josh to assume it was around that time. What did Driton expect to show him at a house of God, a rather grand house of God at that? It was a large brick building covering several acres. The parking lot itself was huge with nearly all parking spaces filled. Driton wasted little time looking and started over with Josh close behind. They walked up to the double glass doors when Driton paused to look at Josh.

"Um. This might be a bit of a shock, but don't worry, nothing else can happen to you now."

Driton said not to worry, but just by him saying it, coupled with what he said afterwards, made Josh worry.

"...'bit of a shock'?" Josh thought to himself.

What could be worse than seeing a half-naked woman being breathed on by some vile creature she had no idea was there? Would he be attacked? Could he be attacked? Was there an exorcist behind these doors who, after sensing Josh, would say some holy words casting Josh back to hell? Josh looked intently through the glass doors trying to see what was on the other side. He wanted to prepare himself. Not seeing anyone, or anything, waiting for him on the green carpet in the foyer he took a deep breath and held his jaw tight.

Driton, again, placed his hand gently in the middle of Josh's back and urged him forward. Again, instantly, they were inside the church. The lush green carpet covered the entire floor setting snug against the brick. The ceiling was strangely high for a foyer. A single white fan hung from the middle of the ceiling. It looked small compared to the large room. To the right was the women's bathroom and just beyond that a hallway with children's crafts up and down the wall as far as he could see. A sign on the wall said "Children's Sunday school classes" with an arrow pointing in that direction. To the left were the men's bathroom and another hallway. Directly ahead of them was a set of wooden doors leading into the sanctuary, slender glass windows met in the middle giving a preview of what was beyond.

Driton and Josh walked towards the sanctuary doors. Josh could hear the preacher giving a rousing sermon on the other side. The preacher would loudly proclaim something, his voice thundering throughout both the sanctuary and foyer. The audience would respond by agreeing just as boisterous. At the doors Josh didn't wait for Driton to usher him in, this time he simply walked, trusting he wouldn't smack the door with his face.

There were a lot of people in the audience, all of different ethnicities. Some stood clapping their hands or speaking in some language Josh couldn't understand. Others sat in their chairs yelling praises to God, or praying quietly to God. Josh smiled, he was glad to see so many people fired-up for the Lord. He looked up at the high ceilings, even higher than the foyer. He imagined all their praises floating up to God. He let his guard down a little more.

"This church is doing well." Josh thought happily, "It's what this world needs to see. A real authentic Christian church to show others what He'll do when they follow the Lord with all their heart."

Josh wasn't sure what he was supposed to be shocked about. Maybe Driton felt Josh was too conservative and would turn up his nose at this kind of worshiping. But Josh didn't mind that anymore. He welcomed it, so long as they preached Jesus as their only way to salvation.

The preacher walked back and forth in front of the congregation yelling into the microphone the people's need for a Savior, only pausing for a moment to dab his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief. The energy was very infectious and Josh was getting into it.

"Amen, Brother!" he yelled out along with the rest of the congregation after the preacher said Jesus died them.

Josh wanted Driton to see how he embraced this type of worship. A little pride even welled up inside him, being able to prove an angel wrong made Josh feel a little smug. Josh clapped his hands when the congregation did, he listened to the preacher some more then yelled out another "Amen" after the preacher told the people to. He looked at Driton with a big smile and urged him to join in. Driton stood there only half smiling, mainly for Josh's benefit. He was happy Josh was happy, but there was something else too.

"Alright, alright," the preacher tried to calm the congregation down. "Now," he walked back up on stage to his podium, "Phew!" he wiped his forehead again with the handkerchief, "I can feel the Holy Spirit in the room can't you!?"

With that the audience was roused once more standing, clapping, and speaking out in more of that language Josh had only heard a few times before now. Josh yelled out an Amen and clapped his hands, thoroughly enjoying this service. Whatever it was Driton thought would shock him, didn't. Josh felt he was really maturing as a spirit himself.

"I don't get it," Josh finally said to Driton as the preacher went on, "what am I supposed to be shocked about?" he hadn't taken his eyes off the preacher nor stopped his clapping.

Driton didn't answer right away. He waited, staring straight ahead and down the isle that led to the stage. He was waiting for something. Then, when he saw it, he pointed towards the preacher and said, "There."

Josh followed Driton's finger to the stage. Directly behind the preacher stood something that certainly didn't look like an angel and it definitely wasn't the Holy Spirit the preacher claimed to feel a moment ago. Josh went silent. The joyful smile he had on his face left, replaced with the look of shock.

The demon was different from the others Josh had seen. This one was thinner with barely any meat under its brownish skin but looked strong. It was taller, standing a shoulder-length above the preacher's head. One hand held onto the preacher's shoulder as if making it easier to direct him the way it wanted him to go, and the preacher willingly yielded to its touch like a puppet doing the will of its master. The demon whispered something to the preacher, who immediately spoke into the microphone. Josh was too hung up on this turn of events that he only heard a few words, something about Jesus he was sure but nothing he could put together. Then the demon held up its hands to the ceiling, smiling as it did, knowing the preacher did the same causing the crowd to erupt in shouts, claps, and more unrecognizable language. The demon whispered something in the preacher's ear again then placed its other hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, I can feel the Holy Spirit!" the preacher said, almost crying. "Thank you Jesus!"

The rest of the sermon, the congregation, and everything else related to the worship was a blur to Josh. He stood there motionless, feeling betrayed. All of his enthusiasm felt drained from his body. None of this seemed possible, at least not in a church. It contradicted everything he believed. He looked around the sanctuary again as though a veil had been lifted from his eyes. He saw demons in the pews next to their victims. Josh didn't know for sure but he envisioned each of them being told what to think and what to believe is true. Quite possibly they were told to stand up, make some noise, and raise their hands, believing it was the Holy Spirit directing them. Josh wanted to yell out. To tell the congregation they were being deceived. But who would believe him? They couldn't see what was sitting next to them. To them, God was directing their actions, and they were more than willing to let go, to do whatever they were told.

Intermingled with the crowd of demons and humans Josh saw flashes of bright white clothing. The angels looked like they too were whispering in their human's ears or comforting those they sat next to. Other angels were smiling endearingly at the human they were near as they praised and worshipped God. The angels didn't seem to bother the demons, they stayed more focused on the human they were with.

Josh closed his eyes and shook his head, the look of shock still not having left his face, "This...this...," he was beside himself with unbelief, "How can this be? Demons aren't allowed in church."

"Let's talk outside," Driton suggested ushering Josh out of the sanctuary.

In the foyer Josh continued his fit.

"How can demons be allowed into a holy place like the church? It doesn't seem...," he searched for the correct term, "...logical." Was all he could think of. "Demons aren't supposed to be allowed in church. There's like a...law or something isn't there? I mean, isn't there?" Josh paced the green carpet not waiting for an answer, "I mean...," immediately he stopped pacing and looked at Driton, "This is a Christian church right? Not some church devoted to Satan!?"

"Yes," Driton assured, half smiling from Josh's bewilderment, "this is a Christian church."

Josh's frustration escalated, "How can it be!? Didn't you see the demons in there!? I sure did." He said pointing towards the sanctuary then at himself, "And, and what about those angels? Why didn't they do anything? Why? I mean...why...?" Josh was suddenly lost for words, he'd exhausted every question he could think of at that moment.

With Josh at a loss, Driton finally spoke up, "It's not their job." He said simply.

"Job!?" Josh didn't follow but Driton's answer gave renewed strength to his dismay, "What do you mean 'job'? Their job is to protect humans...!"

"An angel's job is to follow God's commands. God puts certain parameters here on earth that every angel and demon has to follow. As a result, we get what you'd consider a 'job'."

"What," Josh just couldn't believe it, "so those in there are, like, a good conscious and bad conscious?"

"Not really...that'd just be ridiculous. Angels and demons have certain functions in this world, I just used the word 'job' hoping it would be easier for you to understand." Driton looked at Josh's face, "Obviously I was wrong. Look, this building may be a place where Christians gather to meet, but it doesn't mean there's some kind of protective barrier around it that demons can't cross. The barrier they have is the human heart, and they can only cross that if allowed. If a demon can persuade a human to let them in, they can go anywhere they are, even in a building like this."

"But the preacher...," Josh said emphatically.

"—Is no different than any human. He allowed sin to take control of him and, in turn, a demon to take hold of his life."

"What about the angels?" Josh was calming down a bit.

"Just because those at the top are being led astray doesn't mean the whole congregation is too. What's truly in the heart is what matters. Those people you saw are genuine. They're not without sin, but they recognize their need to depend on Him for everything but, as all humans do, sometimes have fears and anxieties about what His will is for their life. The angels are sent there to comfort them while they wait for Him to take action."

"But...the church...it's...."

"So big? Just because a church is large doesn't always mean God is blessing it. The devil can bless too. Don't you remember the story in your Bible about Jesus being tempted?"

"Well yeah. The devil told Jesus he'd give him the whole world."

"Right, good. Satan offered Jesus the whole world if He would worship him. The whole world," Driton stressed again. "If he has the power to give the whole world to whomever he chooses, don't you think he has the ability to give a person several acres and a large church to put on it?"

"But doesn't God have power over the devil?"

"Yes, but if people give in to the persuasion, God has little say. Remember, He wants you to be with Him because you want to, not because He's forcing you."

Josh was still a little stunned but it made sense, awful good sense. He thought of the church his family went to when he was a child. He wondered now whether the preacher there was truly genuine. He hoped so. He didn't want to think of his mother being led by someone who was being led by a demon. He looked at the preacher through the windows in the double doors. He seemed to be bringing his sermon to a close. It made Josh wonder.

"How would've I known? How would any of those people know?"

Driton sympathized with Josh's concern, "It's difficult to determine. The best advice I could've given you when you were alive is to do as Jesus says, 'seek the kingdom of God.'" Josh looked dumbfounded, like that was the weakest answer he'd ever heard. "Now I know that may sound cliché to you, but God would rather have you focus more on your relationship with Him—is your heart right with Him? Are you doing what He asks of you, having compassion on others who may not deserve it, and so on—than worrying whether the devil's next to you. It's no secret the devil's here, but if you put all your resources into figuring out where he is, you'll put less effort into seeking the kingdom of God. God knows as you put more effort into seeking Him, everything else will be taken care of."

Josh was still a little skeptical, "So, what, God wants us to not even think about a demon who may or may not be next to us?"

Driton groaned to himself, "No, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. There's nothing wrong with being aware the devil could be near, waiting for the right moment to 'pounce', let's say, Jesus and the Apostles warned the believers of this fact. They did it so Christians wouldn't get too comfortable, letting their guard down a little. They knew the devil would be just waiting for that day."

Josh began to have conflicting emotions. On the one hand, he felt he should have just trusted Driton without asking any questions. On the other hand it was difficult for him to comprehend how people aren't given any warning about what these churches are about or that people are being manipulated or even about how bad hell was. It either didn't make sense to Josh, or he just didn't want to accept Driton had been telling him the truth since the time they met. Josh hated to think his faith was faltering even after everything he'd seen. Truth was, he was hurt that everything he'd seen and known when he was alive was only some kind of shadow to what really went on in the world.

"Are you ready to go now?" Driton asked, trying to be considerate of Josh's feelings.

Josh was slow to answer but eventually nodded his head and they were off again. Josh didn't speak much again after that. He had a lot weighing on his mind. All those years he believed in a lie. Even now there were so many people that still believed it. Then Josh thought about his daughter. Would she, believing the same lie, be led astray by those kinds of people? What if she were? She'd get sent to hell that's what would happen. Josh feared for her safety. He thought of all the wicked things the demons would do to her in hell. Now he could think of nothing else but how his daughter was doing. He hadn't seen her since the courts deemed him unfit. He didn't know what may be influencing her life. But he was getting desperate to know, and if she was being deceived or manipulated, he had to warn her. He knew she was still young, but he had to do something. But how would he get a message to "the other side"?

He remembered what Driton said about trying to get human's attention and what happened to the last guy who didn't believe. Josh didn't want that to happen to him. But what Josh wanted to do was entirely different than what that man wanted. The man Driton told him about was out to test whether what Driton said was true. It may have been because he tested Driton that caused him to be sent back to hell. Josh, on the other hand, was looking to help someone see they were being deceived. This, in turn, would cause them to turn from evil and further the kingdom of God. Josh couldn't think of any better Christian attitude than this. How quickly he forgot Driton's previous advice.

Chapter 7

There had to be a way to get a message through. Josh thought about this as they walked back down the same sidewalk they came from. But if no one could hear or see him, simply showing up and talking to his daughter was out of the question. How do angels get through, and demons for that matter? From what Josh could see they just walked up and whispered. But Josh couldn't even yell to get anyone to hear him, how was he supposed to whisper? What else was there? Cats can see them, or sense them, or something like that, Josh still wasn't too clear. But how was Josh to get a cat to let someone know about Nikki? He'd need to find someone who could talk to cats.

"A cat whisperer," Josh amusingly thought to himself.

He started to realize how outlandish his thinking was taking him so he pushed the cat idea aside. Still, he believed there had to be a way. What about people who can speak to the dead? He'd heard of mediums, palm readers, and the like who claimed to speak to the dead but he was never really sure whether they were legit or not. Now he was beginning to believe there was more to them than he'd realized. If regular people couldn't hear him, maybe one of those types of people could because they're more in tune with the "other side", just like cats were. Maybe since Josh was in-between heaven and hell right now he might be able to get a message to his daughter. It was worth a try at least.

"Hey, Driton." Josh wanted to be careful with his question, "Can we stop somewhere first before you take me to heaven?"

Driton turned around, a little puzzled why anyone would want to go anywhere else than heaven, "Where would you rather go?"

"I wanna stop by one of those mediums or palm readers or whatever they're called so I can try to get a message to my daughter Nikki." Inwardly Josh cringed in anticipation of Driton's answer.

"What are you hoping they'll do for you?"

Josh was careful in how he explained it, trying to use Driton's compassion for others as a tool to help him. "Well, I was gonna ask them to search for my daughter and tell her to find a church, read her Bible, and accept Jesus as her Savior." It was a reasonable request. One Josh hoped Driton couldn't refuse.

"Uh...," Driton had a look on his face as though wondering whether Josh knew what he was asking, "You can't do that."

"Why not? Other people do it."

"Yeah, but those are different people."

"What, like they've changed somehow? What those who swear the person they see is the one they called? I mean, not everyone is in heaven or hell right? Look at me. You can't be the only angel guiding a lost soul around, protecting them. Thanks by the way." he said as an afterthought, "Those angels have to have had compassion on the one they brought out of hell, allowing them to get in contact with, at the very least, their family, not to mention their own child." He hoped mentioning a child would be the thing that tipped the scale in his favor, it's partially why he used it.

Driton knew Josh wouldn't believe any reason he gave as to why this wouldn't work so, he looked to the ground, and sighed. Josh took it to mean he was finally giving in. He'd convinced Driton to do something he wouldn't normally do.

"Follow me," Driton said.

Josh followed but was painfully aware he'd disappointed Driton. Josh felt a little guilty but, as an angel, how could Driton know what it was like to have a child and worry whether they'd grow up knowing the wonderful life God has planned for them? Josh knew it couldn't be easy for Driton to grasp this, how could it? He could only hope Driton would be able to see what Josh means when Nikki hears from him, then he'd be able to empathize better with the next person. He kept telling himself this, and other things like it, until he'd convinced himself what he did was okay. Any other thought he pushed to the side so he wouldn't dwell on it.

Back in the city Josh was better able to keep his mind occupied on other things. The city had so much going on he didn't have time to think about what he'd said or how it affected Driton. There was a new movie playing at the Cineplex. The poster advertising the movie was pretty vague on what it was about. Josh stared at it as he walked past. Nope, he still wasn't sure if he'd want to see it. There was some actor he'd never seen before so wasn't sure if he'd like it or not.

People walked by talking into their sleek cell phones, loud enough no one could be accused of eavesdropping. Josh smiled as he heard a woman giving what he assumed to be her husband a piece of her mind. He looked across the street. The restaurant, Taj Majal, had branched out, opening a new chain here in the downtown area. Josh was amazed they were able to do it so fast. He was glad, it was good food, from what he could remember, he just didn't know it had gotten so popular that quickly.

Josh casually glanced to his right at a man sitting on a bench reading his newspaper. Time looked as though it slowed. A demon stood behind the man, calmly placing his hands on his shoulders. It leaned in towards his ear. Josh slowed down some. He faintly but distinctly overheard the demon telling the man there was a woman coming his way and wondered if she was good-looking. Josh looked in front of himself, then to his left. All around him time almost stood still, but it didn't. Everyone and everything crept at almost a snails pace. Only Josh, Driton, and every other spiritual beings moved normally.

A few feet behind him Josh saw the woman but time had returned to normal and she walked past. The man on the bench watched her as she casually strolled by talking on her cell phone. Josh couldn't read his mind but he could read the look on his face. He'd had that same look when an attractive woman walked by him. He remembered what he'd heard in his head as well. He remembered wondering what they looked like, what were they wearing, and would they think he was attractive. Then there were the feelings that came with all of it: the excitement of something new, the sudden surge of testosterone, and the other impulsive feelings that came with it. Josh felt like an idiot now though, allowing himself to be duped like that. Because Josh could also remember how, after he allowed it to control him so many times, he wouldn't need to be coaxed into a "harmless glance". He'd done it for so long it became second nature for him. He felt horrible for the man. Even if he were able to fight off the attacks Josh knew it wouldn't be his only battle. The demon would probably try to wear the man out. If it was unsuccessful it may go out and get other demons to help it. But the man didn't even put up a fight. The woman continued on, walking by him without even a glance, either failing to notice or simply ignoring him. Josh thought back to the preacher and wondered if this man had been a faithful Christian too. He might have even been married to a wonderful woman, but with a little nudge he was already doing something he'd never thought he'd do. He had looked at a woman and lusted after her.

"This is...," Josh almost cussed but caught himself. Driton, who'd gone on a little further, heard Josh and turned, "How can you go on your daily lives knowing most of these, if not all these, people are going to hell?" Josh was angrier at his past sins than he was at Driton.

"We can't force people Josh, everyone's got..."

"...free will." Josh nodded almost disgustingly, "Yeah I know. God wants us to choose Him instead of Him making us believe, I get it. That would mean there are literally billions of people who think they're going to heaven, or some kind of eternal peace...place, but're really going to hell."

"Billions upon billions, Josh. All because they refuse to be faithful to Jesus' teachings. And they don't all think they're going to, 'some eternal peace...place'. Many will be sent to hell simply because they think God, the church, and reading the Bible are too boring. They'll put it all aside so they can have a little fun. For a little bit of happiness for themselves here on earth they're willing to sacrifice their eternity."

"'Billions upon billions'!?" Josh could hardly believe the number, "Is that true?" He thought he'd heard there were three hundred million people in America alone, if billions were going to hell the odds of Nikki going to heaven were looking slim.

"The exact number varies. No one knows but God, and free will keeps the rest of us guessing. One day there might be six billion the next six billion and one."

"That's a lot of people." Josh said to himself, thinking of the small number of different religions he knew off the top of his head. Then he looked at the people around city.

The man on the bench was gone, so was the woman. Time had slipped away from Josh. It might be the next day and he wouldn't even know it. "People pass away every day," Josh remembered his mother telling him. He wondered who might have died already. Maybe that man on the park bench, maybe the woman who walked by, or possibly the woman in the apartment building. He imagined the look on their faces the moment they pass away and enter into that expansive darkness with only an ominous light above them as though showcasing the next event in some kind of wicked slaughterhouse game. How many of them will even consider calling out to God? How many others will remain angry with Him, believing it was God who sent them there? Maybe over the decades as they're tortured they'll finally come to understand it was them all along who sealed their own fate. Josh's heart went out to these people. He thought he was beginning to understand why Driton had so much compassion for everyone. Josh hadn't been doing this as long as he had, but he was already becoming concerned for every human on earth.

By the time Josh snapped out of his daze the sun was well beyond the horizon of the western sky. He stared at the colorful markings it left on the clouds above it. He thought of God and imagined Him placing everything: the clouds, the sun, even placing Josh right there where he'd be able to see it, all there just for Josh to have an example of how beautiful God must be and that He loves him so much He's willing to orchestrate the heavens to show it. It made Josh want to cry. He followed Driton in silence as they left the tall modern buildings of the city. Through the older, shorter, ones until those were gone as well. By the time they reached the outskirts of the city the sky was a purplish-blue mingled with some red streaks. Above that the stars were beginning their twinkling delight. Driton led Josh through a neighborhood where the houses weren't necessarily old, probably built sometime in the late fifties early sixties, but were still well maintained. Driton stopped at one of the houses and looked at it for a moment.

The sky was dark now. The porch light in the front only shined out a few feet from the house but served its purpose. Another light could be seen from one of the two windows behind white curtains that had been pulled closed. A rather nice car was parked by the curb, a long model probably belonging to someone in the middle to upper-middle class. Josh stared at the house and then the car trying to deduce who lived here and why Driton brought him.

"Come on. Let's go," Driton urged again and they started towards the house.

Chapter 8

Both walked up the rectangle path leading to the porch. On either side of them was a row of flowers perfectly placed so each plant had enough room to grow. The place looked...normal and homey. It made Josh feel almost nostalgic for his parent's place. From what he could see in the dark, the lawn looked well-kept, the bushes were trimmed, the white paint wasn't peeling off the side of the house, none of the windows were busted, and even as he headed towards the screen door he could tell there were no holes on it that needed to be mended. Driton stopped just short of the screen door. He looked at Josh, sighed, then gave him a little smile, nod, and looked back at the screen door. With Driton's leading, both walked through, immediately transporting to the other side.

The living room looked just as inviting as the outside. The layout made Josh want to simply sit down on the couch and stretch out. He felt comfortable and at ease. The light Josh had seen through the window came from a lamp sitting on an end table to their right. In front of the couch was a coffee table and, in front of that, on the other side of the room sat an old floor television set. The kind of television with doors that slide out from the sides of the screen to cover the front, "hide-away doors" Josh remembered his parents calling them. He smiled remembering the times he laid in front of the TV to watch all those great television shows, his elbows on the floor and his hands smooshing his face into a pudgy smile.

Beyond the living room was the dining room with the kitchen just to the left. The tile on the floor, an older eighties style, looked like the original and spanned throughout the dining room and into the kitchen. An oval hardwood table stood in the middle of the dining room under a light that hung from the ceiling. Sitting on the far side was a lady with long, dark hair mouthing something unintelligible. Across from her sat a middle-aged man looking intently at the woman as if waiting for something to happen. To his right sat a woman, presumably his wife, looking a little frightened but anxious. Driton and Josh moved closer.

"She a medium?" Josh asked

After a long pause Driton spoke, "Kind of." He knew he'd have to explain but didn't want to understate his point.

The medium finished what it was she was mouthing then gazed passed the man and his wife as though looking right at Driton and Josh.

"I see something!" she said pointing in their direction.

The man and woman grasped hands. Both hesitated a little but glanced behind them in the direction they thought she was pointing. Josh looked behind him to see who she was pointing at. He saw no one. He looked back at the couple and, for a moment, thought they might recognize Driton and him standing at the edge of the dining room entrance, but from the look on the couples' faces he could tell they weren't quite sure what to look for. Josh looked at the medium. She was pointing at Driton. Driton's face remained unchanged even though Josh's mouth gaped open wondering what Driton did differently to be seen by her.

"I see," the medium continued, "a man dressed in white." Josh didn't know why but he started to get nervous. No one was supposed to be able to see them. He looked at Driton again but Driton hadn't taken his eyes off of the medium neither had his face made so much as a twitch while she spoke. "He has beautiful blond hair down to his shoulders."

The expression on the woman's face changed slightly. It went from an almost nervous excitement to a questionable one. She looked at her husband, "But Frank had brown hair."

The man, coming out of his own excitement turned toward the medium and agreed, "Frank did have brown hair."

The medium closed her eyes again, turned her face to the light hanging low from the ceiling and spoke again, "Frank Cummings!" she called out, "I command you to appear before me!" Driton and Josh stayed in their place when Josh heard a noise behind them. He whipped his head around. A man, probably in his mid-twenties and with brown hair, walked timidly up to the table. As though she sensed the man, the medium opened her eyes and gazed almost assuredly beyond Driton at the figure walking towards them. "I see the man!" she announced again, "He's wearing a brown tweed jacket and tan trousers!"

Driton gently pulled Josh to the side allowing Frank to move nearer to the couple.

Their doubts alleviated, the couple resumed their excitement, "That's what he was buried in!" the man said to his wife as he turned around to look once again in the area the medium was pointing.

The woman grinned, "Frank always did like to dress in those jackets."

"He loved 'em." The man said.

The couple's eyes darted around the room trying in vain to see a distortion, a shadow, or even a breeze blowing past indicating there may be some kind of entity among them. Some kind of proof their dear loved one stood near them.

By now Josh was amazed and encouraged by what he'd seen. Amazed because he'd never been to a séance and encouraged because what he just witnessed meant there was hope he might get a message out to his daughter. He knew there had to be some kind of loophole. He was so thankful Driton had changed his mind and showed him this. He made a promise to himself he'd never tell another...soul about this in order to keep Driton from getting into any trouble. Now he just had to figure out how Frank was able to speak to people. Not now, obviously, but when all this was over. So Josh stood there, waiting patiently, trying to glean anything he could from Frank as he spoke, trying to guess whether it was the manner in which he did it or possibly the spirit in which he came to the medium. He really couldn't tell. It might not be either one. It might be the medium who possessed the skills required to hear from the dead. Josh almost hoped so. It would save him a lot of time. He thought of questions he wanted to ask, keeping in mind he might not have long to speak to him so made sure to word them as concise as he could.

The medium continued, "Frank! Do you have a message for your loved ones!?"

Frank looked down at the man and woman sitting in the wooden chairs. "Tell them I love them very much. And that I miss Todd's horrible tasting quiche." Frank placed his hand on Todd's right shoulder.

"He says he loves you both very much," repeated the medium, "And he misses your horrible tasting quiche." She smiled at Todd.

Tears began to collect in Todd's eyes. He clutched his wife's hand a little harder and smiled, his lower lip quivering some. He looked up at about the height he remembered Todd to be. "We love you too." He choked out.

"I can tell from his spirit that he loves you very much." the medium said, "His hand's on top of your shoulder there." She pointed to Todd's right shoulder.

Todd let a tear fall down his cheek as he touched his shoulder with his left hand. "I love you too, Frank. I knew it. I...I knew I felt something on my shoulder. I just...didn't believe it because I couldn't see." The medium herself looked as though she would cry. She'd seen this many times, but still got emotional when loved one's were reunited.

Todd had several questions about Frank's finances. Then the woman asked questions about what death and heaven was like. If either of them were skeptics before entering the house that night, they were true believers now. Josh started to have second thoughts about getting some information out of Frank. The way the couple spoke to him Josh deduced Frank hadn't been dead for too long. Asking him questions might prove to be a lost cause since he too might be new to all this and didn't know how any of it really worked. No, Josh had to skip the middleman and go for the medium. He just had to find a way to talk to her, or somehow get his daughter to the medium's house.

"Interesting isn't it?" Driton asked

"It's more than that," Josh said revealing his thoughts, "If I can somehow get Nikki here..."

"Really," Driton said matter-of-fact, "And then what?"

"Well, then I could speak to her. Tell her to follow Jesus with her whole heart and not let the things of this world influence her."

Driton groaned as though Josh hadn't heard a word he'd said all this time, "Josh, that's not Frank Cummings."

"What?" Josh acted as though he hadn't heard what Driton said.

"That's not Frank Cummings," Driton repeated.

Josh unglued his eyes from the reunion and looked at Driton, "Of course it is," he said as though Driton didn't know what he was talking about.

"No, Josh he isn't. He looks like Frank because he needs to look like him. If he didn't, all three of these people wouldn't believe anything he said. It's all an act to fool everyone into believing anything he needs them to."

"But the things he knew. Some things...," he looked back at the group around the table, "...only they'd know."

"What both you and the medium sees as 'Frank' is really a demon, Josh." Driton was a little more blunt that time.

"What?" Now Driton had Josh's full attention, "But all the things he knew...." Josh seemed stuck on that fact.

"He's what humans commonly refer to as a familiar spirit. Their job is to stay with a family, and do so for many generations." Josh made a look, as though he could hardly believe it. "Remember, Josh, angels and demons don't age. This means demons have a lot of time to watch humans, waiting for them to do something they can use to manipulate them." Josh looked back at Frank who was responding to a question the man asked him. Josh was so focused on what Driton was saying that he didn't catch what it was, but all of them were laughing out loud about it. Driton went on, "If a demon stays with a family long enough they'll be privy to secrets no one else should know." Driton leaned closer to Josh and said in a low tone, "Those hidden things people do when they think no one's watching." Then he straightened back in his place. "They use these little tid-bits for different purposes, depending on when they need them. Sometimes it's to make them feel guilty about it later or, like 'Frank', lead the family members to believe they truly are the person they wanted to contact."

Josh looked at Frank again. "He sure doesn't look like a demon.

"They can look like anything they need to. It makes it easier for them to deceive people. It's proven to be a powerful weapon against people who don't," Driton paused not knowing whether he should keep repeating himself. He shrugged as he finished, "know the truth. That's why they're called 'familiar spirits'. They familiarize themselves with the family. It's their job."

"That's just..." Josh was starting to get flustered, "Gha! I can't believe it" He knew if all this were true he'd never get a message to Nikki.

Driton could see Josh was upset. "If the couple believes all this is real they'll keep coming back. These fine people here," he gestured to the man and woman with his hand, "will walk out of here today fully believing this is truly how death works. They'll be so intrigued that they'll defend this belief no matter who tells them differently. I've personally seen some people who go even further, but I don't want to get into all that right now." Josh looked back at the medium who was still relaying messages to the couple. Driton went on, "People have a hard time accepting death, Josh. So few prepare for it. They forget there's a world waiting for them after this one."

"You got that right." Josh was still stewing a little.

Driton motioned to the table with a nod of his head, "All this fascinates people. It takes them out of their ordinary, and what they often feel is mundane, life. Others do it because it gives them answers to their questions...or so they think. Still, others do it because they think God's abandoned them so there's nowhere else to go."

Driton continued to talk but Josh's mind was on his daughter. He felt like his dreams had been shattered. He'd never get a word to her and she might never know the horrible things that waited for her if she didn't follow Jesus. Now he wasn't sure what he was going to do. He watched Frank's mouth as it formed each word, he spoke so kindly to his people. The medium smiled and nodded as she listened. It suddenly occurred to Josh that the demon acting like Frank is able to speak clearly to the medium. Why couldn't Josh still do it then? Just like he'd thought about before, cut out the middleman and go straight for the medium. The demon was using a normal speaking voice. He wasn't yelling as if speaking to someone who had trouble hearing. Maybe there was some way Josh could get a message across. In the back of his mind he remembered what Driton said about no one being able to hear them but maybe it was because most people lack this medium's ability. Maybe he could get a message out. Maybe this was a way that no one else had tried. He knew he, as a human, was far different from a demon and wouldn't have the proper spiritual insight, but maybe if Josh tried harder he might get a word out. Maybe the medium would hear Josh's voice, even faintly, calling his daughter's name. There was a chance it would stick in her mind and she'd go find her. It was so ingenious it just might work.

"Nicole Hedges!" he yelled out towards the medium in near desperation.

Driton abruptly stopped speaking, "Josh, stop it," he said gently grabbing Josh's arm.

For a moment it looked like the medium heard him. Her eyelids twitched a bit. Possibly she heard something somewhere in the distance behind "Frank's" voice. Josh thought if he were closer, she might hear him better. He moved to the left side of the medium and out of Driton's grasp. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he had to try something.

"Frank" turned his head and glared directly into Josh's eyes. His face distorted into an ugly figure Josh had never seen before. A terrible feeling came over Josh. He sensed the demon's fierce anger at what Josh had done and stopped inching towards the medium. Like a deer in the headlights Josh froze in fear staring back at Frank. It became all too real what Driton had been trying to tell Josh. There was definitely something not human about him. Not simply the way he looked anymore, but now something Josh could feel emanating from him.

"Frank?" the medium spoke up out into the air, "I'm losing him," she said, speaking to the couple but still looking in Frank's direction.

The medium kept calling for Frank to "come back" repeating she was "losing him" several more times, but Frank was keeping his eyes on Josh. Frank clenched his fists, and gritted his teeth. Josh was so scared he was even afraid to move back next to Driton. He feared any motion would cause this demon to leap over the couple in front of him and attack Josh. For some odd reason Josh began to calculate how quickly he might be able to sprint towards the medium and hopefully yell something into her ear before Frank could leap on him. Josh carefully moved his eyes to look at Driton still standing where he'd left him. If anything were to happen, Josh wasn't sure if Driton would jump in to save him or not. Again Josh remembered that man who hadn't listened. He perished as a result of his disobedience. Maybe it was a demon like Frank who overpowered him and took him back to hell. Josh really didn't want that to happen but he loved his daughter so much all he wanted to do was rescue her and keep her safe and he didn't know how to do that. Now, in his desperation, he did something he shouldn't have, something stupid. He had to think, he had to weigh his options.

What would happen if he tried to get a message to the medium and she didn't hear him? Had she really heard him when he yelled or was it something else? It could have been something else. If it were, he might get close to her but would do little good if he yelled again. His one chance would be lost and Frank, from the way he looked at Josh, would seize the opportunity to lunge after him. And if his time in hell taught him anything it was that devils are much stronger than he was. Frank would have no problem overpowering him. Josh would definitely need Driton's help since, Josh could only assume, angels were stronger than demons. But he still wasn't sure if Driton would come to his aid. For all Josh knew, their relationship could be broken the moment Josh disobeyed leaving Driton bound, by God's law, to allow Frank to do what he wants with Josh. Josh had a serious dilemma. If he didn't try, he'd never know. If he did try, and even succeeded, all he might be able to get out would be her name. Then Josh would have to hope, while burning in hell, that everything will work out the way he'd hoped. The medium would have to wonder why she heard the name and nothing else. Then hope the medium can't get Nikki's name out of her head. Furthermore, she'd have to search out every Nicole Hedges in the city, provided she still lived in the city. After all this, the medium would have to go to Nicole's house and convince her it was her father who sent the medium from beyond the grave. But then what? Josh thought hard about what would happen next.

Nikki might get hopeful in contacting her father, go to the medium to try but Josh would be in hell by then. Josh could imagine the medium calling on his name while Nikki waited on the other side of the table in anticipation, just like these good people were. Then, after several tries, the medium will see Josh. The medium would say, "I see a man with red hair." And Nikki would begin to get excited and nervous all at once, believing her father had never left her. Only it wouldn't really be her father. It would be a demon, that familiar spirit that hovered around his family line waiting for its chance to deceive one of them. Then, only God knows what that demon would persuade her to do. Nikki, like so many others, would be deceived into believing a lie and end up down the same road to hell and it would all be his fault.

Josh kept his eyes squarely locked on Frank's, trying to anticipate any movement he was about to make. In the few seconds it took Josh to think about the entire scenario, he was forced to admit there was nothing good that could come from him dashing towards the medium. Josh swallowed hard. The room became eerily quiet. He thought he might have slipped into some other kind of spiritual dimension only angels and demons experienced. His body tingled warm all over. Cautiously, Josh began slowly backing away from the medium who had also become strangely quiet. Josh hadn't slipped into some spiritual dimension after all. It may be, in fact, that everyone in the room, humans and nonhumans alike, felt the tension between Josh and Frank.

Gingerly Josh walked back to where he had left Driton. With each step backwards Josh saw Frank's demeanor slowly fade from the evil form he was beginning to become, back into the humble man the medium saw and the couple expected. The more he transitioned back into Frank, the more in focus he became to the medium, to which she announced she could see something faint appearing, until his whole form was in front of her once again. Relieved and delighted, Todd and his wife resumed their questions, completely oblivious to what had just transpired around them. Frank stood there again, looking kindly and innocent, speaking to the couple in an almost modest tone of voice. With a gesture of his head Driton motioned for Josh to follow him back outside.

Standing outside in the dark Josh thought he felt tension coming from Driton. He'd have had good reason to be upset though. He tried to warn Josh so many times, even when they first met, but Josh ignored it feeling what he wanted was more important.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you in there." Josh said when they both reached the sidewalk and started back towards the city. Driton didn't answer. "It's just that...," Josh looked to the ground, kicking at nothing with his foot, "I wanted to get a message to my daughter so badly." Still Driton didn't respond. "Look Driton, you gotta be able to sympathize, man. If there was someone you loved wouldn't you do whatever it took to reach them?"

Driton stopped walking and turned around to look at Josh, "Josh, God loves everyone. He does whatever He can to reach them. There are plenty of things that warn people. Whether they listen or not is up to them. It's their choice. I don't know why you can't understand that." Driton didn't sound genuinely upset, he seemed more concerned for Josh's welfare than anything else. It helped Josh relax. "Your daughter, too, will be given that chance. I promise you."

"Yeah but, people are thick headed sometimes," Josh smiled, "God knows I sure was. For some people it takes something more than reading the Bible, going to church, or simply having someone tell them God loves them. They need some kind of...," Josh tried to think of the right word.

"...Pizzazz?" Driton offered

"Yeah!" Josh was glad Driton understood what he was trying to say, "That's why I wanted to go back and warn them. I know something like that would really cause them to believe. But if I can't do even that, I'd, at the very least, like my daughter to hear a word from me." Josh hung his head a little lower, "I realize it's been some time since I've seen her, I think she'd be about eight now. But I have to believe nothing, not even death, will break the love a daughter has for her father."

"Josh," Driton saw Josh was having a difficult time understanding all this, "they won't listen. Not even her."

Josh looked confused, as though what Driton said wasn't logical, "Of course she will. Who wouldn't listen to someone who sends a message from beyond the grave? Especially someone telling them they should be more faithful in their walk with Jesus?"

"Don't you remember the story in the Bible about the rich man and Lazarus?"

Josh looked to the ground thinking about it. "Is that the guy Jesus raised from the dead?"

Driton smiled, "No, no. Heh, yeah, people back then did have awfully similar names. The rich man and Lazarus." Driton began walking towards town again, "It's about a rich man who dressed in fine clothes and lived a life in splendor every day and a poor man named Lazarus who was homeless and had open sores all over his body. Every day the poor man saw the rich man pass by him as he, the rich man, came in and out of the city. The poor man saw all the rich man had and so much wished he could, at the very least, just eat any food that fell from the rich man's table and onto the filthy floor. In time both men died. Lazarus, the poor man, went to heaven while the rich man went to hell to be tormented night and day. When the rich man looked up into heaven he saw Lazarus being comforted by their ancestral father Abraham while he himself was in agony. He cried out to Abraham, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool off my tongue; for I am in agony in this flame.'" Josh shuddered, remembering his own agony in that same flame, "But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that during your life you received your good things and likewise Lazarus bad things; but now he is being comforted here, and you are in agony.' So then the rich man had another offer. He said, 'Then I beg you, Father, that you send him,' speaking of Lazarus, 'to my father's house, for I have five brothers that he may warn them lest they also come to this place of torment.' But Abraham told the rich man that his brothers already had something to warn them, what you, Josh, know as the Old Testament. The rich man argued that all those things were well and good but if someone were sent from the dead, then they'd listen. Abraham finished with the memorable quote, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone rises from the dead.'" Josh did seem to recall hearing a story like that when the group came to the missions. "So you see, Josh, people have the Old Testament to warn them, the New Testament to warn them, and finally Jesus risen from the dead to warn them. How much more do people need? What should God do, every hundred years or so do an unexplained miracle to reaffirm He's real just so people will follow Him? What would happen then when that miracle loses it's 'pizzazz'? A hundred years is long enough for anyone to explain away His power into any kind of natural phenomenon. Every hundred years He'd have to do something bigger and greater just to prove Himself. God shouldn't need to prove Himself over and over again. Would you want to have to prove your love to someone bigger and better than the time before? Or would you rather they believe you love them because you say so?" Josh lowered his head again.

Seeing Josh had nothing more to say, Driton sighed then motioned that they should go. Josh walked beside Driton, and only a little behind, thinking about the story of the rich man and Lazarus. Sure, his family had the Bible to warn them, but how often did they read it? He wasn't even sure if they owned a Bible. He knew Nikki must have heard of the Bible, but knowing of it and actually knowing it were two different things. It sounded like something Driton would say to Josh. Josh smiled to himself. He felt so smart.

Josh had to finally concede there was little more he could do to get word to his daughter. Going back was out of the question. Sending word through a medium was too. It was solely up to Nikki. Her life, her real one, was entirely in her own hands. Josh had to simply believe she'd read about 'Moses and the Prophets'.

Josh straightened a bit from his slumped position. His mind began to reel. Of course he wasn't allowed to go to a medium; they were used by the devil. But a prophet! A prophet was a man of God and God spoke to people through His prophets. God was a Spirit; it would only stand to reason that prophets could talk to spirits. Josh wasn't technically a spirit, but how much difference could there really be between a spirit and a living soul? It sounded logical and it was something he hadn't heard anyone trying.

Convinced it could work Josh busied himself by formulating ways he could find a prophet. They would have to be a mature prophet of course, one that had been doing it for years. Josh wanted to be sure he would be heard clearly. Only Driton would know where the right one was and after his failure at the medium's house, Josh wasn't sure how to gently ask Driton to take him to one more place before they left. He had to assume anything he asked would be looked at with suspicion. So Josh waited.

They were back in the city before he spoke again, mumbling loud enough to get Driton's attention, "Wish there were prophets"

"What?" Driton asked as he walked

"Oh, uh, nothing. You just mentioned in that story that the people had Moses and the Prophets and I was just wishing there were still some around like they were in Biblical times." It was a horribly weak try. Josh was almost sure Driton would see through this kind of manipulation but he really wasn't sure how else to get his questions out there.

Driton made a look like it was going to be another tough discussion to explain. "There are, but—"

"Let me guess," Josh interrupted, "not like I think."

Driton smiled at Josh's quick thinking, then shrugged, "There are many who claim to be prophets Josh, but are proven to be false later on. It's a coveted title, just like Apostle or Preacher. Titles like those make the person sound as though they should be treated with more respect than the 'commoners', I guess you could say."

"So, how can you tell if they're really a prophet then?" Josh asked curiously, hoping to weed out the real from the fake.

"Ah, Josh. Once again all your answers lie in the writings of the Bible."

"Of course it does." It would figure.

"The Bible says only if a prophecy comes true will you know they're truly sent by God."

Josh gave it some thought before he asked his next question.

"So...the people I've seen on TV givin' dates when the world will end and stuff like that—." He thought of the men and women who predicted tragic things happening on specific dates, only to have those dates uneventfully come and go.

"Which is how," Driton hurried on before Josh could flood him with more questions, "you know they're false prophets. The fact that nothing they described happened on the date they predicted Biblically proves God doesn't really speak to them. It might be the devil trying to lure hundreds away, or it simply might be pride in their own human heart."

"Yeah, but what if they just miscalculated? I mean, they're human too right?"

Driton eyed Josh curiously as if wondering whether Josh really thought about what he was saying, "True, but God doesn't miscalculate. If God says there's a date then there's a date and no one will be able to change that. Period."

"So, not even if something came along and changed the events of history?" Josh asked, trying Driton's comment.

Driton didn't seem fazed, "God is entirely in control here, Josh. There's not a historical event He hasn't allowed to happen since the beginning of creation." Josh thought of historical world events while Driton continued explaining. "The bottom line is, if someone states something and it doesn't come true they're not a true prophet of God. There has never been a true prophet of God that has spoken a word from Him then when it didn't come to pass say 'Oh well I got the dates wrong.' It still amazes me, as well as others, that there are Christians out there who hold the Bible, the very Word of God, in their hands and still follow people who prophecy falsely when the Bible clearly tells them how to detect someone who doesn't have His Spirit in them."

Josh was intrigued, but wanted to get back to his original purpose for asking the question. He hoped this round-a-bout way would cover his real intentions and soften the blow, so to speak. For the moment, then, he would keep leading the conversation, hoping he could bring it back around and ease in his question.

"You mean people won't know they're being deceived until the very end?" Josh asked acting naïve, "Then what? For years they follow some kook only to find out they were misled?"

Driton nodded, "It's hard to discern between what's from God and what's from the devil, especially when the devil tries to copy what God has done. That's why the devil does it. Humans don't understand, the devil only vaguely knows what's to come in the future. Not that the devil can see into the future," Driton reassured, "but even he can read the Bible and tell what's to come." Josh was about to say something when Driton held up his hand to quiet him, "Sure the devil can make things happen. He can deceive anyone into doing anything. All he has to do is keep doing the things you've witnessed. That is, simply, manipulate them into thinking, and eventually doing, things they think are right. By doing this, the devil can predict anything and get anyone to believe it."

If Josh understood Driton correctly this meant not every scholar, scientist, or professional should be trusted merely on the fact of their position. He was tickled that a person with so much intellect could be so wrong. Josh was far from an educated man, but what he'd learned so far was simpler than what many people led him to believe. Could it be that the Bible wasn't as difficult to understand? And it's because of its simplicity that it fools even the most intelligent humans? Josh felt smarter already. He also felt he'd belabored this round-a-bout long enough. He went back to his original question.

"So...," he started, trying to act cool about it, "where are the real prophets?"

"Well...," Josh's eyes brightened, "you have to understand, a prophet's function in the body of Christ." until he heard that. "It's not to stand up in church and tell the congregation what God said to them two seconds ago. A prophet is used to encourage, or 'exhort' as some Bible translations call it, the body of Christ."

Josh looked disappointed, but was still hopeful, "So...," he let the word linger as if asking a question.

Driton smiled, "Look, people in the Old Testament were prophets because God filled them with His Spirit. Since Jesus' death His Spirit has been poured out on all who believe."

"So there are many prophets." Josh didn't feel he was getting the core of his question across to Driton.

Driton, still smiling, squinted a little knowing what it was Josh really wanted, "Not like you're hoping for."

Josh's whole body sagged. He'd been putting a lot on being able to get a message out. But now the only way seemed to be through Driton and Josh knew he'd never break any of God's commands. Josh felt hopeless again, unable to warn his daughter, to save her from any unhealthy choices.

As Driton and Josh walked on Josh again found himself dwelling on his own choices. Again he wished he'd gone to church more, taught Nikki who Jesus was and lived the life of a genuine Christian. To show her an example of what a Christian man should look and act like. He'd failed her. The guilt felt like it was eating him up inside, overpowering him, and he hated himself for it. Josh couldn't deny God had provided many ways and many chances for him to turn from the road he was on. Josh remembered clearly how God tried to get his attention every year at the county fair, every year many years ago when he was a teenager.

Chapter 9

It never seemed to rain when the fair came to town. The entire week of the fair the sun was shining, only momentarily obscured by small white fluffy clouds drifting lazily across the blue sky. It was a perfect day for everyone to come outside, relax, and enjoy themselves at the county fairgrounds. Hometown vendors sat next to big corporations, both coming out early that day to set up their tents and booths making them as attractive as they could to everyone who'd pass by. There were flashing lights on some, great smelling food and music from others. The acres of a once barren land would be turned into a feast for the senses overnight. In the days to follow fair-goers would speak of their wonderful time to others at work, eagerly urging them to attend, advising which attraction to visit first. So it was, every year, it seemed everyone tried to attend.

Josh came from a poor family. There was food on the table every night, but little to no money for extra delights. This is why every year when the fair came, his family never attended, but that didn't stop Josh from getting in. Josh and two of his friends would sneak in a secret opening they'd found while wandering around the backside of the fairgrounds. They had to cross a small creek that separated the grounds from the grove of trees nearby, but luckily a tree had fallen some years ago creating a convenient natural bridge they could easily cross, with the right balancing act of course.

On the other side of the creek were four trees providing enough shade for the boys to cool off from the summer heat, giving them enough time to spy around inside the fairgrounds without being seen. A six-foot high chain-link fence stood between them and the fun filled arena. The fence looked formidable but behind one particular tree the links had been rusted from years of rain sliding down the trunk, collecting in very fine puddles allowing the rust to grow. When the windy season came it would rub that fence against the tree, acting like a knife cutting into the rusted links finally cutting them free from one another large enough a few teenagers could crawl through. Josh and the other two boys did, being careful not to cut themselves on the rusted ends.

Once inside the fairgrounds the boys were feeling mighty good about themselves. They looked around with their chins held high at all the fools who paid good money to get in while they, much younger than adults, were able to outwit them. The boys didn't have much money between them, and Josh almost never had any, but they mostly wanted to attend the festivities. Mostly to look for girls they might be interested in. The county fair was the perfect place to look for them. Not only did kids from their school come, but kids from schools farther away showed as well. Even some kids from surrounding counties made the drive to attend. The place was a treasure trove of eligible girls dressed in the most fashionable clothes the mid 1980's had to offer. The boys would be sure to tryout any line they'd just learned to see if the two would hook up. If they were turned down, it was no problem. There were plenty others there on whom they could practice their teenage charms.

It was at the fair that Josh met a man, or more precisely was cornered by a man, who talked about Jesus while handing out little booklets with short Bible stories in them. He wasn't a vendor at the fair, he was a patron like everyone else. Well, almost like everyone else. This elderly man walked down the pathways in his plaid shirt and blue jeans held up by red suspenders stopping anyone who passed by, spoke a few kind words to them, and sometimes literally shoved a little booklet in their hand before he let them go. Josh just happened by the man one day.

One of his friends had been talking about what he was going to do when he became an adult, a subject Josh loved to talk about. All the freedoms an adult has, no one telling them what they can and can't do. Being able to stay up late, smoke, and not have to do what his mother asked him. He could finally leave the house, get his own place, and be on his own. Josh listened intently to his friend, dreaming about the things he'd do when he was eighteen. He was so deep in thought he didn't see the old man.

Before Josh could turn his head the man stepped nearly in front of him and asked, "Do you know Jesus Christ as your Savior?"

All three almost jumped to the side thinking someone was about to attack them. Josh didn't have time to answer. The man handed him a little booklet, his whole demeanor expected Josh to take it. Josh and his friends were dumbstruck at the man's forwardness. Even after they saw who it was and what he wanted the expressions on their faces didn't change. With the little book in his hand the man stood there waiting, his eyes pleaded with Josh to take the booklet. Josh's eyes moved from the man's face to the booklet in his hand. At first Josh didn't want to take it. He knew his buddies, now over their initial shock, were standing there just waiting to see what Josh would do. Seeing Josh wasn't going to answer right away the large bellied man in his red plaid shirt went on to say if he didn't know Jesus as his personal Savior he could be in danger of going to hell. The old man's last comment stirred up something in Josh's two friends and they began to snicker, trying desperately not to laugh outright. Of all the important things the man said, it was his friend's snickering that spoke the loudest to Josh. He dared not lose the respect of his friends. Who else would he hang out with? But Josh was still a little off guard after the man made his sudden appearance. The defensive wall he'd kept up to make him look tough wavered a bit, allowing what the man said to seep a little into his soul.

There was something that drew Josh to what the man was saying. He had felt the tug before, every time he visited his grandparents he'd listen to them casually talking about what a blessing Jesus had done for them in certain areas of their life. They looked happy, contented and at peace as if they'd never had a bad thing happen to them and even if they did, they didn't stress over it. There was a surreal sense he felt when he entered their house, like he was protected and safe somehow. It made him want to go there more often but Josh was young then and his parents didn't seem like they wanted to take him, maybe they feared being preached at, Josh wasn't sure.

Josh envied his grandparents and the simple way they lived. It was so much different from the chaotic world he lived in. There was so much going on with him physically and spiritually that he had trouble knowing which was more important. His life felt so out of control.

As the old man stood there patiently waiting for Josh to respond, he was at that crossroads again. Feeling the same familiar tug but concerned he'd be alienated by his only friends. Now was another chance for him to choose one of the two roads he'd walk. He felt like the right thing to do was to choose Jesus, he just didn't feel any real need to. He certainly wouldn't admit any of this to the old man still holding out the tiny booklet with a slight hopeful smile on his face.

The man asked again whether Josh knew Jesus Christ as his personal Savior, holding out the booklet a little further. Josh didn't answer. He took the booklet, mainly out of reflex but also because he didn't want to hurt the man's feelings. Unconsciously, he shoved the booklet into his pocket and managed to answer the man's question with a, "Yes," in sort of a grunting mumble hoping to pacify his friends into thinking he really wasn't that interested. The man seemed contented with that. He turned to his left and walked on to the next unsuspecting person that happened to walk by. "Do you know Jesus as your personal Savior?" he would repeat with the same anticipation. Josh, now feeling off the hook, breathed a sigh of relief and started in a direction opposite to where the old man was.

"Jus' imagine what that 'ol man woulda' done had I told him I didn't believe," Josh said to his friends trying to sound sincere.

The boys laughed and teased Josh as they walked.

"Man, if it was me, I'd had told him off the minute he grabbed me. 'Don't push your religion on me old man!' That'd shut him up." one friend said

"No doubt," agreed the other, cussing before he continued, "man, those Bible-thumpers can really be pushy."

"Yeah," responded the first, continuing on sarcastically "Telling me to be a Christian or else really makes me wanna do it."

"Turn or burn," both boys said in unison as the three laughed out loud about it.

Josh may have laughed out loud but inside he was wondering if they really felt that way or were they struggling with the same feelings he was. Maybe they were trying to mask it by their comments so their feelings wouldn't surface too near.

"Why'd you take that stupid book anyway?"

"Yeah, I'd have thrown it back in his face."

Josh shrugged knowing now he'd have to play off the real reason, "I didn't want him to keep pushin' me, I jus' wanted him to leave. I knew what those kinds of Christians were like. If you show them you don't care, they hound you until give in."

"Pht! Ain't that the truth." One of the boys agreed in disgust.

"So," Josh continued still trying to act cool as well as the most intelligent of the three, "I figured the quickest way to shut him up was to take the book, tell him what he wants to hear, and let him move on." Josh's pride began to swell, thinking he was a genius to formulate such a brilliant answer so quickly.

"Good thing too. If you hadn't come up with anything quicker, we would've left you there."

All three boys laughed about the thought of Josh being stuck there for hours by the old man as he convinced Josh to follow Jesus. They eventually moved their attention on to other more important things, like girls. Josh looked back at the old man. Not too many people seemed interested in what he had to say either. Some went out of their way to completely avoid him. Others took the booklet, glanced at it, and let it fall to the ground. The man quickly stooped down and picked up the booklet, brushing it off with such care, like some kind of precious thing that had just been carelessly manhandled. For a moment Josh pitied the old man. But also feared his true feelings would show weakness. He hardened his heart again, turned back to his friends and joined in their conversation never once thinking of that old man again.

When Josh got home that night he pulled the booklet out of his pocket and looked at the front. The cover was tan in color. The title at the top was printed in white and read "The Prodigal Son". Below it was a simple yet well-done drawing of a young man, wearing tattered clothes, walking towards a mud brick house in what looked like some desert. In the doorway of the house was an older man walking towards him with his arms wide open.

Josh had heard the story before, even though he still wasn't sure what the word "prodigal" really meant. It was a favorite Bible story he'd heard told often when he was young either in church or Sunday school. But hearing the story and seeing it illustrated was something different. The little booklet made the story become more real somehow.

He lay down on his bed and began to read. Since it wasn't a thick booklet, it only took him a few minutes to finish. It was an interesting story. The fact that a father would forgive his son even though he'd done something that, by all normal accounts, should have made his father never trust his son again. But when the son came home, his father didn't even care to know all of the bad things he'd done with the money he'd given him. His father was just happy he was safely home. And, from what Josh read in the story, the father never brought it back up or threw his son's past choices in his face. Instead, the father acted as if it had never happened and treated his son as though he had never left. It was a good story. Josh liked it. It was the type of father every child should have. Josh knew his own father wouldn't have that kind of compassion on him if he'd made similar choices.

While Josh's father was nice to most people he was more demanding on Josh, at least that's the way it seemed to him. It may have been because his father expected more from him, but Josh didn't know. He felt no matter how hard he tried he could never please his father. Everything Josh did wasn't good enough for him. Maybe that was what intrigued him about the story. He wanted that kind of acceptance regardless of his shortcomings. Maybe that was why he scoffed at anyone trying to talk to him about Jesus. It was hard for him to believe God would forgive him, or anyone for that matter, and forget about all the bad things he had done. He felt he'd never measure up to God's standards so he just figured, why try and gave up.

As he grew up he found others who felt rejected, abandoned, and unloved by their father's as well. They were kids who felt worthless looking for some positive self value. Feelings he still felt as he lay on his bed. He tossed the booklet in the trash figuring it was no use to keep something that doesn't apply to him. There was no loving father to welcome him back with open arms. His father was five states away with his new family. Besides, if he kept it, he'd feel that stinging pain in his heart when he knew no one loved him like that father loved his misguided son. In Josh's young mind he felt he must be different. He must have disappointed God so much He just gave up on him. Now he was more than alone. He had no father and no God to help him. All he had left was his friends. All this he convinced himself of before he went to sleep that night.

Chapter 10

The following summer was the same for the boys. They went through their annual ritual of sneaking in as they had done before. Again crossing the fallen tree to the other side where they waited until the time was right to squeeze through the rusted fence. Just as in previous years Josh and his friends would wander around checking out the eligible girls. Even if one of the boys had a girlfriend, they would still keep an eye out just in case they did happen to find another girl who was interested in them. It wasn't the noblest thing for them to do, but they weren't thinking of what was right. As they walked and gawked, Josh was suddenly cornered.

"Do you know Jesus as your Savior?"

The old man handed Josh one of his little booklets, almost shoving it into his hand. Josh reacted with the same contempt he had the first time he heard that question, but took the little booklet anyway. It was, after all, a different story than he'd read the year before—he could tell by the color of the book, it was red this time. He mumbled out something, the old man took this as a "yes" then turned to the nearest person walking by and asked the same question to them. Josh took the little book home, read it, and then toss it in the garbage. While Josh liked the stories, he hated being accosted by that old man. It always made him feel trapped and pressured. It made him feel like everyone was watching him. It was humiliating He knew the old man would be at the fair the next year, and the next one after that. He was certain the Bible-thumper would catch him, forgetting he'd asked Josh the same dumb question every year so far, and ask him again whether he knew who Jesus was. Josh wasn't sure how to stop it, not unless he could get the old man to recognize him next year so all the years following he would stand out and the old man would leave him alone. But what could Josh do? He might be able to yell at him, "Leave me alone!!" But what would the people around him think? Some would applaud, sure, but some might look at Josh with their judgmental eyes.

What if he just read the Bible? In that way, when the old man stopped him the next year and asked the same humdrum question, Josh could tell him what he'd done. He hadn't ever heard of anyone who'd read the whole thing, maybe his grandfather sure, but he was old, older than the old man at the fair. Of course his grandfather had read the whole Bible, it'd take that long just to get through it! Even if he couldn't get through the whole thing at least he could say he was in the process of doing so. This might impress the old man. Maybe the old man hadn't read the whole Bible himself. This would certainly make Josh look like some kind of learned scholar, wiser than the old man himself. Most definitely that would get him to remember Josh the next time he walked through.

Josh played out the whole thing in his head. He'd be walking past the crowds at the fair, almost floating, at one with nature and everything around him. He'd see the old man frantically trying to get people who pass by him to accept a tract as sweat ran down his forehead. Then he'd turn to see Josh walking up to him, Josh's face looking surreal. The old man would quickly look to the ground, knowing Josh was much more knowledgeable than he was. People would look on, wondering who this kid was who could make an adult cower. They might think he was some kind of genius or, better yet, some kid with a power given to him straight from the hand of God.

It sounded great. Josh grinned from ear to ear thinking about it.

He started reading in the fall...one long page at a time. The sheer thickness of the Bible made Josh feel bored, but simply imagining the look on the old man's face when he corners Josh at next year's fair and Josh triumphantly declaring he had already read the Bible, helped him trudge on. None of it made the journey any easier. Josh groaned as he read through the seemingly endless genealogies, it didn't matter that his Bible was a version an eleven year old could understand, the names of the people back then were hard to pronounce and the list of them went on forever. He actually fell asleep one time simply because it was so boring. All those names, people, and places melded together in his mind as he read making each one look just like the one before. Josh even struggled over some of the odd visions, like the ones that Ezekiel guy saw. Josh kept persevering though. By the time he got to the middle of it he was reading the Bible almost mindlessly. There were certain stories that had always fascinated him, like Jonah in the belly of the whale. He imagined a large whale, big enough to swallow a ship, coming up out from behind Jonah, opening its mouth, and then swallowing him up without slowing down. He thought of Jonah in the whale's large stomach, maybe climbing aboard one of the swallowed ships, maybe even meeting other people who had been swallowed as well.

"Cool." Josh thought as he smiled.

Fall turned into winter, winter became spring, and summer finally came. By some miracle Josh had finished the entire Bible. He couldn't believe it. He'd reached his goal and felt confident it was enough to throw in the man's face as a kind of self-righteous defiance. When the fair came once again, Josh was ready. After the boys sneaked into the fair, Josh actually made it his mission to search out the man. The fair was crowded that year it was hard to tell where he'd be. Every year he'd caught Josh it was in a different place so he could be anywhere, and most of the old people looked alike. This was farming country after all, old men in plaid shirts and suspenders roamed up and down the aisles like some kind of bad clown convention. After an hour and a half of searching Josh couldn't find the man anywhere. A little disappointed, Josh assumed the old man was probably off somewhere pestering someone else. Probably had them cornered too, which is why Josh couldn't find him. He tried to enjoy the rest of his time at the fair but he couldn't. He was too nervous the old man would catch him off guard. Josh had to be ready to pounce at a moment's notice.

Night came and so did the closing of the fair. Josh saw nothing of the man he'd been searching for. The year following was the same. It was as if he knew Josh had finally read the Bible and felt his duty was finished, disappearing forever, never to be seen again. The possibility made Josh more angry than anything else. He'd spent all that time reading the Bible when he could have spent it doing something fun. That old man had just wasted a part of his life he'd never get back. Not only that man, but Jesus as well. It was because of Jesus that the man held Josh up. The old man felt obligated to do it because Jesus ordered His followers to save the lost souls, at any cost...even if it meant ruining their lives in the process. Josh didn't know why Jesus didn't just let him alone so he could do what he wanted. Jesus was nothing but a bother to the kind of lifestyle he wanted to live.

Chapter 11

It's odd thinking back on that now. Odd because when Josh was a kid he thought the man annoying. He figured it was his bad luck the old man caught him every year, no matter how hard he tried to keep clear of him. Now, years later, Josh understood why. God, in His infinite way, directed that man, subtly and without his knowing, to wherever Josh and his friends were. God was trying to get Josh's attention at a young age. Josh wanted to think God knew the path he was headed so sent someone to point him back in the right direction. Why couldn't God just send an angel to talk to him? An angel coming out of the opening sky, floating down on the sun's rays to tell Josh he's in danger of going to hell. Instead, God sends some guy who smelled weird to tell him to follow Jesus. It didn't make sense. Who in their right mind would listen to some ordinary person trying to preach to them?

Josh shook his head. He knew the mindset he had back then. He was brash, stubborn, arrogant, prideful, indestructible, and a whole many other things. He may have never needed to be tempted by the devil, Josh walked head-long into sin. God put out His hand and Josh snubbed Him, He even placed in his heart a yearning for His Spirit when he read the booklet but Josh ignored it. He felt like the worst person who'd ever lived.

A few hundred feet of silence and Driton spoke up, "I'm sorry this is all troubling you, Josh."

Josh hadn't realized he looked so troubled. He gave Driton a shrug but continued to stare at his bare feet on what should feel like a damp sidewalk. He couldn't shake how alone he felt inside.

"It's just all new to me, that's all," Josh finally said after a few more steps.

"I know. I'm sorry it's so difficult for you to get used to. Maybe if you look at it in another way. Think of everything you now see as your new world. Now you get to figure out how you're going to live in this one."

"It's hard, Driton." He said quietly, "This all feels like a dream. I'm not sure whether it's a good one or bad one. To be honest, and please don't get angry but, the more I'm here the more it seems like this is a bad dream."

"I'm not offended, Josh. You can't offend us. We know what you're going through. We have to in order to help you understand better. And I hear you when you say it's hard. If it's any comfort no human has gone to heaven because they were perfect. Every human on earth has sinned. Every human has made bad choices. Remember us having this discussion before?"

Josh slowly nodded his head, looking back to the sidewalk, "Yeah, but it doesn't make it any easier."

Driton closed the gap between them and put his arm around Josh's shoulder, "I know. I'm sorry."

Josh felt like crying. He knew Driton was only trying to console him, but it made him feel worse. And he hated the feeling. His mind constantly pounded out all the things he'd done over his life that he shouldn't. Things that not only hurt him now, but hurt others when he did them.

That old man was only trying to reach people for Christ, only doing what God asked him to, and Josh rejected him. He never gave Jesus a chance. Josh would have loved following Jesus. He would have loved it so much that he would have gone back to the fair, grabbed that old man's hand or maybe even embraced him, thanking him for caring so much to reach out to someone like him. Josh imagined what the old man would have done then. But none of that happened.

Josh didn't know why he kept torturing himself. He could have gone to heaven some time ago but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. Josh thought of the story of Adam and Eve. They were curious as well. They wanted the knowledge God had, a way to explain the things they saw. That's what got them into trouble. Not believing seems to be what gets all humans in trouble. Even Josh.

Chapter 12

The sun was beginning to creep its way up to the horizon again, lighting up the dark sky. Josh wasn't sure how long he and Driton had been walking. He had no sense of time, not like he used to. He thought of the saying, "time heals all wounds." If that's true he hoped the days would keep passing quickly. He was deeply depressed.

Driton tried a couple more times to snap Josh out of it. He pointed out how beautiful the sunrise looked and how the dew on the morning glories made those blue and white flowers sparkle. Josh only gave a half-hearted smile. Driton stopped at a stoop leading to someone's apartment and sat down. Josh didn't sit down at first. He stood there staring at his feet as his hand made use of the handrail next to him.

"Come on, Josh, sit down," Driton pleaded.

"I'm not tired," Josh's voice matched his body language.

"I know, just sit down for a moment," Driton patted the spot beside him.

All things considered, Josh was thankful for Driton being there. His eyes, his face, his voice, just his presence comforted Josh and made him feel safe, like everything was going to be okay. Josh yielded to Driton's request and sat down.

"I can understand the war going on inside you, Josh. There was a time, long ago, when I wanted to just reach out and talk to a human." Driton looked like he was lost somewhere in his own thoughts...his own pain.

Josh, sensing Driton's musing, spoke up, "What happened?"

Broken out of his concentration Driton flatly explained, "It was forbidden. It was hard to deal with at first, but I had to learn there are some things I just can't do." Driton looked out into the streets already filling with people. "I can only imagine what it must be like to be born human and know only that kind of life. Then dying and finding out life still goes on. From what I can gather people try to take everything they've learned when they were alive and apply it to this place, but it's not so simple. People aren't prepared for what it does to them physically...mentally. It's like being reborn or something. You have to learn everything all over again. You learn there are things you just can't do anymore. Things you would like to do, even try to do, but find out it's impossible now. There are rules now that, unlike when you were human, you have no choice but to follow. Even some of the most faithful men like C.H. Spurgeon, Watchman Nee, or Martin Luther King, Jr. were surprised the things they didn't know." Driton looked back at Josh, "Some things we just have to accept and move on."

Josh's heart sank a little lower, a little deeper, into depression. He knew Driton really meant there was no more hope, at least not for Josh's daughter. He began to feel helpless, like there was no hope for mankind. Billions of people who don't believe will be going to hell. And many more because they hold a cheap view of what it means to be a Christian. Those shady Christians who look good on the outside but are secretly doing wrong.

The devil was winning, that's the way Josh saw it. This weird...war between, as cliché as it sounded to him, good and evil seemed to be going a different way than he thought it would. Maybe Josh was destined to go to hell. Maybe that's where he belongs. God knows he was no saint, not even close. If he was able to go to heaven, many more should be allowed in too. He could ask Driton but Josh assumed he'd just say it was because of God's love that He allowed Driton to take him out of hell.

Out of the silence between the two, through the waking of the city and the people in it, near the time the sun was well over the horizon again, Josh managed to muster out a few words.

"Is there any hope for these people then?" Josh meant those still alive.

"There's always hope, Josh." He answered trying to reassure him.

Josh felt as though a fire inside him was being kindled, "How? How is there hope when there's so much evil? How can there be hope when the devil seems to be in control of every person on earth!?"

"People sin that's a part of life, no one is perfect. It's what people do after they sin that determine where they'll go. We just talked about this, it's a choice."

Josh scoffed, "Yeah, 'choice'."

Driton didn't let Josh's sarcasm sway his efforts to help, "People don't sin when they're tempted; people sin when they give in to those temptations. Thinking someone's attractive isn't sinning, it's when you go too far and start dwelling on those thoughts that it becomes a sin. Stopping yourself and turning your thoughts to prayer or praise to Jesus puts the temptation on hold for a little bit. I've seen people struggle with temptation, some stand firm, others give up and give in. But it doesn't mean God is far away. That's why He sent His Son."

"Yeah but, I know I felt like God just gave up on me and basically said, 'Okay, you've made your bed now lie in it. I'm done with you.'"

"People tend to believe things more readily if they think they're the ones telling themselves the lie. Demons know this so they use it to their advantage. Remember 'Frank'?" Josh could barely forget, "That couple was ready to believe anything Frank had to say. It's the same thing if someone struggles with thinking they're stupid or ugly they're more likely to believe it. Then, when the person feels depressed and alone the demon, or demons, leaves the person alone, now feeling guilty, as though they're the most wicked person in the world."

"Yeah, it's a bunch of bull—" Josh mindlessly allowed a cuss word slip from his mouth.

After the words spilled out of his mouth the thought ran through his mind, "Did you just cuss in front of an angel?" and "Are you doubting him?" Josh threw those thoughts aside refusing to look at Driton. He, for some odd reason, dismissed the thoughts as whispers from the devil trying to deceive him.

Unfazed, Driton continued, "Josh, don't you think you've seen enough? I think we should go." Driton said it as though he wanted to go as well, "Don't you want to leave this place?" he added almost pleading.

"If I'm going to heaven, then other people should be able to go there too..." Josh sounded more assertive.

"Other people are going to heaven, Josh."

"Not people like me. Not those who've lived a life of sin like I have. How can God forgive all I've done?"

"It's because of Jesus." Driton really didn't know any other way to put it. To him, Jesus was the only reason anyone needed.

Josh jumped up from the stoop. The anger he felt was coming to a head. "Because of Jesus? Well then, why doesn't God let others in who are just as bad as me? I made bad choices yet here I am on the road to heaven. I surrounded myself with some of the most evil things you could think of and I reveled in them. I mean, look around," Josh pointed at the adult bookstores, strip clubs, and bars. "I've been to every one of these places. It's not easy to just 'not sin' or 'resist the devil' when there's so much here to lure us in. It's not easy," Josh said again looking as though he were remembering his own struggles.

Josh could hardly believe what just came out of his mouth. Maybe he shouldn't have bottled up all his feelings for such long of time. It had been a powder keg sitting there waiting to be ignited.

Driton didn't respond right away. Josh wasn't sure whether he was thinking about what he'd said or so surprised at it that he was speechless. Oh yeah, Josh forgot Driton had been around for a long time. There was probably nothing that surprised him anymore. Doubtful it was the second one. But then why would he be surprised? He shouldn't be. So why was he so quiet? Was he mad? No, he'd told Josh several times he wasn't, or did he say he couldn't get mad? Josh realized his mind was wandering, then he looked at Driton and that's when Driton responded.

"It is difficult. I never said it wasn't. But as for you going to heaven while others remain here, remember the world is very old. Humans have been here for a long time. All humans are forced to deal with temptation and all will eventually die. So you need to understand it would be impossible for you to be the only one who has been taken out of hell. There are others, some worse than you, who we are more than glad to take out, to show them how loving God really is."

Josh remained quiet. He half expected Driton to do something a little more dramatic like forcefully grab his arm and drag him back to hell in a fit of rage, not so much for doubting as it would be for his outburst. Josh was grateful Driton wasn't a human. If he were Josh would expect him to say something like, "Don't you take that tone with me!" Or he could have closed up, becoming stubborn, not taking Josh anywhere as if to say, "Fine, you don't believe me, you won't get to see anything." Josh would have preferred it if Driton would have yelled back, at least then he could take it better. He'd been yelling and arguing for what seemed like his whole life. But he didn't. Driton remained calm and Josh hated it. It made him feel uncomfortable because he didn't know how to respond and when he did it always seemed inappropriate. It made him feel worse about what he did and worse about himself.

Josh wasn't sure why he kept doing things like that. Why can't he simply accept that things are simpler than he makes them out to be? Why did he have to over analyze every little thing that's said and done? He ruined everyone's life, even his own, by doing things he's been told over and over again not to. Now he was talking back to an angel of God, telling him what to do. Driton was right Josh should have been reading his Bible more. Yes, yes, Josh got defensive every time Driton mentioned his lack of devotion to it, but Josh didn't like his faults being pointed out to him, not when he was alive nor now when dead. There was little he could do about it now anyway. Silently Josh prayed to God that He'd forgive him for his defiance and doubt. Josh resolved to go wherever Driton asked, then quietly go to heaven.

"Sorry, man," Josh said to Driton in a low voice, "I just...just..."

Driton could tell Josh was sincere. "I know." he offered in consolation and let the incident drop between them. Josh's heart broke in this power of forgiveness.

Chapter 13

Children's laughter broke the silence between them. Josh looked across the street where kids were just being let out for recess at a kindergarten. Their gleeful noises carried over to where the two stood, helping Josh ease out of his depression some. He watched the children play their games of hop-scotch, soccer, or who could swing the highest on the swing-set. Josh looked at Driton hinting that he was expecting him to say something. Driton acted as though he didn't notice Josh's stare. He sat on the stoop, leaning forward just a bit, resting his arms on his legs, and stared at the kids. Josh looked back at the playground then back at Driton who smiled when a boy found a grasshopper and began chasing the other children around with it.

Josh looked back at the children, his mind drifted off. He wondered whether time was moving slower or at its normal speed since they'd been there for some time and the children were at recess, something usually done after lunch from what he could remember. Then his mind drifted to when he was that age. How wonderful it was to be that young, not understanding how the world worked yet. Not knowing evil or how sin would affect his life in ways he would have never imagined. Josh looked a little more intently at each child. What will become of them as sin starts to influence them? And how will they deal with it? Will their parents be prepared, and willing, to talk with their children about how to deal with sin in their life and the evil that comes at them? What if they don't? What if they were like he was, not once talking to his daughter about Jesus?

Josh thought of all the missed opportunities he had to talk to his daughter about God, Jesus, and the afterlife. He just got too busy doing other things. Sure, some things could have been put on hold for a moment like the time that new video game came out and he thought he had to have it. But there were legit reasons he didn't have time as well. He was working long hours and when he came home he was so tired all he wanted to do was relax. Then the divorce came and that ate up a lot of his time, which meant he had to juggle work, finding a cheap place to live, meeting with his lawyer, court, and all the other things that came with divorce proceedings. There just wasn't enough time. But, then again, a small part of him figured someone else would talk to her about all that stuff, someone a little more knowledgeable about how it worked. At least he'd hoped someone else would. That way he'd have more time to do the things he wanted. And now it was too late. She'd have to learn about sin, evil, and death from what other people think and believe. There was no telling who these people were, or who was controlling them. They could be just as bad as the evil they're telling her about.

"Can you at least let me know whether God will send someone to Nikki to tell her about Jesus?"

Driton didn't answer right away.

"God reaches out to everyone on the planet."

Josh found little comfort in Driton's answer. "Do you know if He's sent someone to her already?"

Driton shifted to look at Josh, "He has." Driton said a little warily, knowing from experience where this conversation would lead.

It was Josh's turn not to respond right away. He looked back at the children across the street. The sound of a little girl's laughter took him back to his own daughter's laughter. The last time he heard it was when they played in their back yard. Her red hair glistening in the sunlight, bouncing as she ran around the green grass in her bare feet as he happily chased her. It was one of the few times he'd done real "fatherly" things with her.

"And what happened?" he swallowed hard, hoping to anticipate the worse.

"She didn't...respond well." Driton really didn't want to go on but knew it would be hard for Josh to accept his answer. "She responded much in the same way you had when you were her age. She saw no reason why she needed Jesus in her life."

Josh nodded he understood, but it was only in part. He understood a child, with all the influences in the world, could believe they didn't need Jesus, but he also felt a little unsatisfied with Driton's answer. If Nikki thought this, what was going on in her life to make her believe Jesus wasn't that important? She was five when he and her mother divorced. And it was only a year later when he was on the streets. He'd lived on the streets for almost another year before he was in the alley that fateful night. That should make her about eight now if Josh's math was right—his two years being gone from her and the time in hell that was no more than a year. What could a young girl possibly be doing to make her turn away from Jesus?

"Who'd He send?" Josh tried to act cool. He wanted to prove to Driton he'd learned his lesson from before.

Driton groaned silently as he turned to look back at the school.

Josh could tell he said the wrong thing and tried to recover, "At least tell me if it was just like one person coming to her with a Bible tract or was she invited to a revival or, oh, did she meet a girl at her school who was a Christian?"

Josh hoped it might be the last one. At least then he knew there was a chance the Christian girl would speak to Nikki again. A Bible tract she could throw away, like Josh had. A revival wasn't long term, that's probably why Christians have so many so often. But with someone, possibly at her school or something, she'd be around someone who already had one foot in the right direction. At the very least it would give Nikki a starting point on her journey to discover who Jesus is, an example of what a real Christian looked like. It would also be helpful for when she had to face those struggles in her life that were guaranteed to come. Then she'd have someone to talk to who'd give her good Christian advice.

Driton looked back at Josh. He blinked a few times before he spoke, "I'm not sure which one of those I should respond to first." Driton thought about it, holding the look of unbelief on his face.

"Uh, how 'bout the last one then work your way back to the first." Josh said to lighten the issue.

Driton tried to keep the look on his face but Josh's response made him break it with a smile, "That was good." He said letting out a chuckle and shaking his head. "You have to understand my dilemma. I could tell you, but then you'd want to know more. I'd tell you more but then you'd want even more than that. Soon you'll find out something that will get you upset and we're back to where we found ourselves now, with you exploding in frustration." Josh blushed, embarrassed Driton brought it up. "It's a cycle you can't keep going on. It has to stop or it'll never end for you."

"Driton please," Josh begged, "Just answer me this one thing and I swear I'll never ask about anything again."

"Whoa!" Driton stood up waving his hands in front of him. He looked serious, "Never swear Josh. Once you do, you can't take it back. You'll be required to do whatever it is you swear to. And just by looking at your record of never doing something again I can tell you I don't think you'll be able to do this thing you want to swear to."

Driton was right Josh did have a problem with the whole following-through bit of his promises. He didn't want to swear to something he wasn't completely sure he could fulfill. Driton's seriousness was proof of how important it was. It was something he never seemed to keep. He made so many promises to his wife and daughter but always found an excuse why he couldn't do them. Driton was right, as usual. Knowing the truth didn't help. It only made things worse. He felt like a horrible father. Like he'd let his little girl down.

But still, something in him nagged at the question of what happened? He wanted to know. He wanted to know how much he'd messed up her life and whether she was smart enough to learn from his mistakes and do what was right. He hadn't been around her for so long she probably forgot him or, at the very least, had vague memories of him. Should he swear then? Could he keep this promise? He believed, or at least told himself, he could so long as he kept reminding himself not to ask for anything else. He didn't want a repeat of the last time he let his desperation get the better of him.

"What if I swear that I'll devote more of my time to God?" Josh said trying to be slick.

"I think it's a little late for that." Driton said a little amused.

"Well, right, but I mean I'll...," he had to think for a moment, "...serve Him in heaven more. Or," he thought quickly, "serve His angels with whatever menial tasks they might have. You can't tell me that He hasn't given you some task that you thought, 'Man, if only I could get some other angel to do this, I could be out there doing something better for humanity. That's perfect, I could help you doing...," Josh couldn't think of anything specific, "whatever small jobs you might need help with."

Josh stopped, waiting for a response, smiling gleefully over his response.

"Yes, because that's what angels do." Driton said, almost sounding sarcastic, "They think God hands out 'menial' tasks." He rolled his eyes as a human would then laughed. "Josh, you're not getting it. If you'd just say the word we could go and you'd see that your days of working are over, but you choose to stay here."

Josh became serious but a remnant of his smile still showed on his face, "I know. I stay here because of my daughter."

Driton sighed, "I know. But there comes a time when a parent has to let their child do things on their own. Make bad choices and mistakes on their own, not keep them isolated from evil." Driton moved a little closer to Josh. "I can assure you that Nikki has made some good choices in her life. But I can't promise you that she'll be kept from every kind of evil. She, like every human in the world, will have to make her own choice to do what's right."

Josh nodded absentmindedly. He knew she'd have to fight against evil in her life. He knew God would forgive her if she gave in to the sin, but he also knew the regrets he'd felt his entire life, even now, for not accepting God's hand sooner. He had little doubt God would try to reach her over the course of her life, he just hoped she would accept His invitation before it was too late.

"I hope she reaches out to Him early." Josh said repeating what was on his mind, "I wouldn't want her to regret it for her entire life like I did." Josh lowered his head, "Like I still do."

"You should have forgiven yourself a long time ago Josh."

"I know."

"Forgiveness is important to God...and to us in the 'spirit world'." he added almost as an afterthought, "Forgiveness is the key God uses in order to have a close relationship with humans that was lost so many years ago. It's because of what Jesus did on the cross that God is able to forgive. If it weren't for Jesus, God would never be able to forget all the things you do to Him and His creation. You become clean the moment you ask."

There it was, the Gospel in its simplest form. Just as simple as Jesus' two commandments to love God with your whole heart, mind, and body and to treat others as you want to be treated. Josh again thought of how hard he tried to please his father, to no avail. Probably the reason why he never thought he could please God, no matter how good he was or how much he achieved. To Josh, God's character was a mirror to his father's. But the story of the prodigal son showed a different kind of God. A God who never brought up all the wicked things he'd done.

Josh kept the tears from forming in his eyes. How he wished people wouldn't have judged him on his past. How he wished there was something he could do for his daughter. Some kind of good he could leave her with before he was whisked away from this place. He took a deep breath, hoping that would help stifle the tears.

Just then the school bell rang for the children to go back inside. Some trailed behind, not really wanting to leave the playground trying to stretch every moment of their recess out as long as they could. The kid who found the grasshopper threw it as far as he could out into the grassy area of the playground then ran to meet up with his friends. The teachers who had stood by during the entire recess time like obedient sentries hurried the stragglers in doors. The children's voices faded out as the gray metal doors closed behind them, increasing the sounds of traffic and other various city noises.

Driton stood straight again, a little taller than Josh, "People aren't born evil, Josh. And people aren't evil just because they sin, no matter what the sin is. If that were true then Adam and Eve should be considered the most evil people who ever lived for what they did to the rest of the human race. But they're not. I know that sounds silly, but if it weren't for their choices, people today wouldn't be hurt the way they are. Humans today are able to forgive them for the choice they made, why can't they do the same for those who do evil today...regardless of what's been done to them. Sin is evil and demons are evil, not the person. People still have good in them regardless of what sin they commit."

Josh furrowed his eyebrows, "Yeah but, that can be used as a crutch. I mean, you're saying that people can't help but sin. That means I could say, 'the devil made me do it'. You know, not take responsibility for my actions, like you say people should."

Driton nodded in agreement, "If they don't take responsibility, they end up where you did. It's called repentance. It goes back to the asking for forgiveness that we just talked about."

Josh nodded his head, smiling, "I know what repentance is. But people use it--I've used it--to push the blame on something else."

"It's been that way since the first humans were created." Driton said "It's nothing new to God. He's seen it before and He'll see it again. Sometimes you just have to let these people go on their own and let God sort them out."

"Seems like He takes forever sometimes." Josh said

"I imagine so. But try not looking at the negative. You've done it for so long in your life I think it's time for a change. Even now, after your death and seeing all that goes on, you're focusing on the negative. This is a new life for you, and a chance to see yourself how we see you."

Josh smirked, "Yeah but it's difficult when you show me the things you do: the prying, the manipulating, the deceiving. Then expecting me to think positive about my daughter?"

"Remember humans can be their own worst enemy sometimes."

Josh knew how true that was, possibly why Driton and other angels could look at humans with such compassion. They knew humans were harder on themselves than God was.

"You probably learn that from years of human studying huh?" Josh asked

"Well, yes, but it's also in the Bible." Josh shook his head and smiled at Driton's continual reference to the Bible. Driton looked up at the sky, it had become evening already. Then he looked back at Josh, "Come on, let's go." he said getting up as he turned and began down the sidewalk.

It was only then that Josh noticed the sun was further down the western sky than it had been. Time had moved quickly by when he wasn't noticing again, it was one of the things Josh didn't like too well—mainly because it sped up and slowed down so sporadically that he had difficulty knowing how long things took to happen. It happened more when Josh wasn't paying attention to it. Josh thought of the old saying, "A watched pot never boils." He certainly could apply that to his life now.

Josh cleared his throat, trying to relieve the scratch he had there, "You think we can stop for some water?"

"Water?" Driton asked curiously

"Yeah. My throat's been dry and I just ignored it 'cause I didn't want to bother you with it. I was hoping it'd go away when we went to heaven but...this took a little longer than I thought it would." Driton laughed softly, Josh knew why. "I know, I know. It's my fault but I just..."

He couldn't think of a good excuse, at least not one that would be slick enough to fool Driton. It was probably what prompted Driton's response.

"Water will do you no good right now Josh. You'll just get thirsty again and we'll spend more time getting you a drink than we have walking around."

Josh remembered a preacher quoting the Bible saying people will no longer hunger or thirst in heaven. He felt like an even bigger idiot. All this time he'd been suffering when he could have been rid of it some time ago.

He rubbed his throat then tried to clear it, "Feels like sand's in it or somethin'."

"Yeah, that's normal."

"You guys ever suffer like this when you're here on earth?"

"Feels like sand in the back of my throat," he smiled.

Josh smiled back, feeling better he had someone there who knew what he was going through. Probably what Driton's been trying to get him to see all this time. Jesus came to earth to suffer through all the things humans did so He could know first-hand what they went through. It was a little more comforting to know instead of a God who had no idea what it was like to be human struggling daily with the things in the world.

"I don't know how you deal with it for so long." Josh thought about it. "Guess over the years you get used to it." he assumed.

"Sure, the scratchiness you get used to but it's for a good cause." He looked at Josh and winked. "There are other things you miss more than a clear throat."

"Really!?" Josh was intrigued, "Like what?"

"Well like...," Driton thought for a moment. There were so many different examples he wanted to give but had to choose only one for the time being. "...like a cool breeze in a meadow."

"Really?" Josh thought Driton would have said something else.

"Yeah." Driton's voice seemed to trail off as if his mind went back to a past memory. "Just to feel the breeze blowing off the tops of the flowers, carrying their sweet smell to tease your senses." Driton took in a deep breath as though he could smell those flowers right now. "There's nothing like it."

"Huh." Josh was still dumbfounded. He honestly thought Driton would have said something like a cold beer or, since he was an angel, aged wine. "So, what, you guys can only do things like that every ten years or something?"

"No, no. Angels can only make themselves into human form if God allows them. Usually it's only to further His kingdom."

"Can demons 'make themselves into human form'?" Josh asked

"No. They lost that ability in the fall."

"Like the season?" Josh asked sincerely

Driton laughed out loud not expecting that response, "No, no. The fall of the angels." Josh didn't completely understand. "You know when a third of the angels were cast out of heaven?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember. Sorry."

"One of the abilities lost was the ability to take human form."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Angels can take a human form, but demons can't." Driton said trying to keep it simple, "You will never read in the Bible of a demon who appears to a human. You can read how angels do. Like the ones who came to see Abraham and Sarah to tell them she would conceive in her old age. You will also read about the ones who went to Sodom to take Lot out. But no where do you read about a demon coming up to anyone in human form unless they are incased in a person's body."

"Wasn't Jesus tempted by Satan?" Josh said proud he could something in the Bible in a conversation.

"The Bible doesn't say he was physically there like a human." Driton countered. Josh thought about it but wasn't sure. "If you're tempted, does a demon show itself to you? Or do they, like we've seen, hide in the background whispering in your ear to do things you wouldn't normally do?" Driton had a good point. Josh wasn't sure whether Satan really appeared or not. He'd only assumed since that's what he was taught in Sunday school, and shown in drawings depicting the scene. "Angels can take physical form," Driton repeated, "Demons, on the other hand, take a more...deviant approach."

Driton didn't sound like he wanted to give up any more information and Josh wasn't sure if he should pry. He assumed Driton was talking about demons possessing a human's body. Driton had hinted to it before and was the only explanation Josh could think of.

Josh looked at the people passing him. He envied them for being able to smell the aroma of the hot dog vendor, a woman's perfume, or fresh baked bread. In some strange way he was even beginning to miss the smell of a car exhaust.

"You okay?" Driton asked, "You got quiet all the sudden."

"I'm just thinkin' 'bout these people,"

"Oh." Driton said.

"I just," Josh shook his head, "feel sorry for 'em is all."

"That's natural. And it's good that you do, it's a good quality for a person to have."

"Yeah, but it hurts. Knowing they go about their daily business unaware of the forces all around them, waiting to catch them when they're at their weakest." Josh paused to think about it. "Kinda' makes me wish I never knew all this and went straight to heaven first thing." Driton didn't answer. Josh had hoped he would but since he didn't Josh went on, "So why doesn't God do something about it then?"

"What, about the people?"

"No, the demons."

Driton shrugged thinking Josh should have known the answer, "He knows what will come of the demons in the end. And they know their end as well, which is another reason why they're trying to take as many humans as they can with them."

"What's the other reason then?"

"I've told you before, Josh. Demons know they're doomed to spend eternity in hell so they're taking as much of God's precious creation with them that they can. Demons don't like the fact that humans are allowed forgiveness of their sins and that there's none for them, who God created first. There's no Savoir for them. I mean, think about it, if you were a demon who was stronger, smarter, and personally seen the face of God, the heavens, as well as the universe, how would it make you feel if you were told there's no forgiveness for you but there is an over-abundance of it for the weaker creation who blatantly does some of the most horribly wicked things even after they're told not to. Not only that but it makes it worse when the demons see humans do the same things over and over again but God forgives them over and over again. It's kinda' tough. Demons have a hatred for humankind unlike any other created thing."

Josh never realized it before. He never thought of how angry demons would be at humans who are considered lower than them yet receive forgiveness while they don't. With all their greatness one human, the Son of God, came and dispelled all the notions of who they thought they were. Demons would have to absolutely loathe humans knowing they have more power than demons because of all Jesus had done and went through. Even more, they would have to simply hate it when a single human reaches out for the salvation God freely gives them because every time it would remind them of the one thing they have been denied.

"Wow." Josh said with stunned surprise, "Really puts the whole 'freedom of choice' in perspective huh. I mean, I know you've been telling me that all this time but it kinda' brings it home knowing humans have the privilege to choose to...," Josh tried to think of some scholarly word but none came to him, "...be forgiven and have all their wrongdoings forgotten."

Driton didn't answer. He only smiled at Josh knowing another light of truth finally sunk in.

"Wow." Josh repeated

Driton let out a laugh.

"Hey," Josh said starting to smile himself, "It's not funny. I know it takes me a little while to get things but I'm doing my best."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I'm not worried about you getting things right away. No human has ever done that. I just laugh once in a while when I see humans light up as something is revealed to them. I've always been fascinated with a human's response to different events in their life. Some things just never get old."

"Shoot, you'd think it would with as long as you've been around."

"You'd think so, but surprisingly it doesn't—well, some things don't. It's like, some kind of new birth when I see it. Always tickles me."

Driton's smile was infectious. Josh was glad he could make him laugh again. He didn't want to tell Driton he hadn't totally abandoned the thought of possession. It was tempting to try and jump into a person's body and take over so he could experience those simple pleasures one more time. The moment dragged on a little longer when he thought of all the other possibilities he could have. He could use the moment to find Nikki and tell her about Jesus. It'd probably be a bad idea to tell her he was her father since he would look nothing like the man she knew. That would, in turn, cause her to freak out and just think she was being stalked by some freak. But if he tried to come up to her and talk to her about Jesus she might think him some creepy person trying to tell her of all the things she was doing wrong. Probably not the best idea he had. He knew he'd never do it so would be a waste to ask. Josh knew it'd bring Driton's mood down, especially hard since Driton was beginning to believe in him. For the first time since his being taken out of hell Josh was glad he wasn't shown how something was done, especially possession. He'd just mess it up somehow, like he did with all the other things he's tried so far, ruining his chances of going to heaven.

Chapter 14

Josh followed close behind Driton, doing his best to keep his mind occupied so as to not cause him to do or ask stupid things. It was difficult. He still felt a little down knowing what he should have done with his life instead of wasting it on useless things. The positive way to look at it would be that he's now privy to secrets only a certain select group of people knew about. It was as if he'd been entrusted with some valuable piece of information only given to those who'd proven themselves worthy enough to deal with this hidden knowledge. It made him feel like he was actually worth something, that someone really believed in him. It made him want to cry. He'd never felt so close to God than he did then. Looking at the positive did help. Josh was already feeling better.

But he also felt good because he knew he'd truly changed as well. The nervousness and tenseness he first felt when they walked through the city was gone. He still saw demons doing their "job", as Driton put it, but Josh was less frightened of them now, viewing them more as a part of life instead of a threat. He knew they weren't going to jump on him the moment they saw him. They did their thing and he did his. Gradually Josh has learned to accept things the way they are, regardless if he liked it or not. By him not worrying about the negative things he saw, he found himself feeling more relaxed and a little freer.

Josh looked up at the sky. It was near twilight now and the stars were beginning to come out. He thought of God far up there in heaven looking down at the people on earth. What a beautiful place it will be up there among the stars. The heaven he could see looked peaceful and beautiful, how much more the heaven where God sits. Josh tried to think of the most beautiful scene. A golden throne surrounded by white fluffy clouds. Sitting on the throne was God—Josh never envisioned God having a body like everyone else, He was more like a bright light with no discernible features, a God who was physically there, but wasn't. Just for good measure Josh added a rainbow above God's throne, it was his imagination, he could do with it what he wanted.

Josh settled it in his mind. Any question or comment he had, he'd wait until he was in God's presence...or Jesus' it didn't really matter too much to him. Josh felt ready to go to heaven. Everything down here was nice to see and he'd miss it, but Josh was ready to start his new life. It would also mean leaving Driton. Would he ever see him again? Josh would definitely miss him. He'd become a good friend and companion. Josh figured by now Driton would be glad to be rid of him. Josh thought of all the stupid things he did. He felt like an idiot asking so many dumb questions then not believing Driton when he answered him. Josh felt ashamed he ever asked anything in the first place. But Driton took everything Josh had done like a true angel would. Josh knew he'd never have the patience Driton had if anyone acted the way he did. If anyone came across Josh with an attitude or didn't listen to him he would've taken that person straight to hell without thinking twice about it and wouldn't feel the slight bit of guilt as the person pleaded for mercy as they burned. They didn't listen so they should pay for it. He was glad he wasn't an angel. It made him appreciate Gods abounding grace being able to look into a person's heart without judging them for the things they said or did. Josh could see what it would take to be a genuine Christian. A person who could forgive another from their heart, just like Driton had talked about. Not bringing the bad deed back up, no matter how awful it was, and acting as if it never happened. A genuine Christian would have compassion on even the worst of sinners, even if the other person isn't a Christian. Someone who is genuine can give grace to others when they don't deserve it. It wasn't about getting even with someone who made you angry or hurt you. Genuine Christianity is doing everything in your power to lead that person to want to change their own life and live it for Jesus Christ.

Josh felt like he should apologize to Driton before he left for the way he treated him but was afraid he'd open some wound he created. He didn't want to leave Driton on bad terms. Driton did say angels don't get angry so the only other option was that he might get sad. Do angels cry? Josh thought they did. If they can feel joy, they should be able to feel sorrow as well. Josh wasn't sure what he'd do if Driton started to cry. He knew it'd make him feel bad again then he knew a flood of guilt and shame would rush through his mind of all the things he's done to him. Then he'd start thinking of Nikki and how he'd treated her. And the thoughts would keep going until Josh felt just as bad, if not worse than he had before. Josh decided against mentioning anything, hoping to just leave all of it behind him. Driton was right, Josh needed to forgive himself and look ahead to what God has for him. Everything in the past is gone. God doesn't remember it so neither should Driton. It made sense so Josh dropped the idea.

"Do you need a little more time?" Driton asked while Josh was deep in thought.

"Huh?" Josh asked as if coming out of a stupor.

How long had Josh been standing there staring? The streets looked empty and dark except for the streetlights. Those that worked shined partly on the sidewalk and partly on the street. Their humming and buzzing were more distinct now that all the traffic was gone. Some old plastic grocery bags twisted and turned in the light breeze. Josh wished he could feel that breeze again.

Driton chuckled, "Do..you..need..a..little..more..time?" He said slower this time.

"Oh, uh...no. I think I'm okay now." Josh answered, still trying to get his mind together.

"You sure? You look a little...uneasy."

"No, no, I'm okay."

Chapter 15

A car drove by, puttering as it went. Josh stared through the windows, wondering about the people he saw and where they were going. It's still dark out, are they coming home from working a third shift? Were they out for a late snack? Were they lost? Drunk? Then Josh thought of more pressing questions. Were they saved? Have they ever heard of Jesus and what He did? Had they rejected Him? What if they had? Those poor souls. No, Josh had to stop thinking negatively about people before he got to know them. Maybe they were saved and faithfully followed Jesus' teachings. They would pass away someday without going through the torture so many others would. "Billions," Josh remembered Driton saying. Billions were going to hell because they refuse to accept Jesus as their Savior and be faithful to His teachings. The number was too large to conceive.

He rubbed his head with his hand. The hair on his head was already well on its way to its original length. The top of his head felt softer and a little more manageable than it had previously. He missed the full head of red hair he'd had before he died. It would shimmer almost fiery gold when the sun hit it just right. Even as he aged it still kept its luster. He was thankful it hadn't thinned out like his father's. Seems like such a small thing to have worried about now. He'd never thought of himself as vain. Actually, he believed there was nothing about himself that anyone would think him attractive. But for him to worry about a full head of hair? There were so much more important things he should have been thankful for, most importantly his wife and daughter, two people who had loved him for who he was, or at least who he used to be before going downhill.

Josh shook his head to clear the thoughts and get his mind back on track again. He didn't want to think about his family. Every time he did he could feel his depression coming back. He didn't want to keep reliving his past mistakes that took himself away from them, but again those things kept popping in his head. He had to think about something else. He switched his attention to the buildings and the people now on the sidewalks again—had it been that long? He didn't feel any better but at least it kept his emotions in check without going any further. He knew the pain would be too unbearable.

Josh looked up at Driton who stood patiently by his side like a devoted sentry Josh could have confidence in. Josh allowed a smile to sneak out of the left side of his mouth, finding comfort in his friend. Then he turned his attention to the crisp blue sky. Again Josh rubbed his hand over his head, thinking about his hair gleaming and sparkling in the sunlight. Finally, Josh spoke up.

"I'm sorry, Driton. I just got...a little overwhelmed. I would've never imagined all this went on without anyone knowing it."

"Why not?" Driton asked, more wanting Josh to figure it out on his own.

Josh quirked his mouth then shrugged, "I dunno... I guess I just figured someone had to know. I mean, something this big shouldn't have gone unnoticed."

Driton didn't respond, not that he didn't want to but he knew this conversation would end up like all the others. Unfortunately for Josh he took Driton's silence to mean he somehow should have known. Maybe from reading his Bible, which had already been established numerous times. Or the countless other things he should have done. All the things he should have done before he lost everything.

Josh thought his time with Driton was to find out what the spirit world was like. But the more he was shown, the more he was seeing why he was sent to hell in the first place. Josh more than deserved to go to there. He certainly didn't feel like he belonged in heaven. After all the wicked and evil things he'd done? He'd be in heaven with people like the Apostles Paul and Peter. Two men who Jesus personally chose to follow Him. Josh couldn't understand being in the same place with such God-fearing men like them, men who followed Him for far longer than he had. How is it that he's worthy enough? It didn't make sense. The only logical explanation Josh had was there could be levels in heaven. Maybe those who lived holier lives lived higher up in the clouds, closer to God, than the others who led...a less than acceptable life. Jesus did talk about doing things so you will have your reward in heaven. In another place He also said something like giving so you'll have treasure built up in heaven. Josh didn't know the actual verses but knew he'd heard something like that somewhere. He was just happy he remembered anything at all from the Bible. Maybe because Josh partied most his life he hadn't built up as many treasures in heaven as others did. That would explain what kind of reward they'd have in heaven. With the kind of life Josh lived, he wouldn't be surprised if God furnished him with a cardboard box to settle in. Still, God would at least provide a golden cardboard box. God was just that kind of God. Josh smiled at the thought. But heaven was also about being in a place with no more worries, no more pain, and no more thinking about all the mistakes you've made. He could find some relief in that.

"You ready to go?" Driton interrupted Josh's concentration.

Josh gave it a lot of thought. Not whether he was ready to go to heaven, but whether he was really ready to finally leave this place behind. "Can I ever come back?"

"I'm sorry, Josh." Driton could see Josh was hopeful, "That's why God calls it eternity. Once you're there, there's no coming back."

"Josh thought for a second, "Will I be able to find out what's going on with my family? Kinda' like getting updates from time to time?"

"I'm sorry." Driton repeated

Josh was a little disappointed, but there wasn't much he could do. There wasn't much for him here either, at least not much more he could do.

Chapter 16

Josh was surprised at how much he'd miss being on earth. Just thinking about leaving a place he'd called home for many years gave him a little lump in his throat. So many familiar things he was used to seeing daily he'd have to leave behind, he was already getting nostalgic. He'd never be able to visit his old stomping grounds like the fairgrounds or the park. He'd never again see that blue sky or the green trees again. He'd have to get used to a whole new environment. Did heaven have a blue sky? Josh thought of heaven as being in the clouds so could only assume there would be but if his journey had taught him anything it was that everything he'd learned wasn't what it seemed.

He wondered if he'd see any of his family there. He wondered if he'd remember any of them or would their memory of each other be wiped away. He hoped not. Josh would like to know whether his mother was there or not. He hoped she was. Would she have known he'd been sent to hell? How happy she'd be if she recognizes him. How great it would be to see her and hold her in his arms again, knowing she'll never leave him.

Josh was afraid he might not see his father in heaven. Sure the man was stern, but Josh may have been looking at it all wrong, through a young person's eyes. Maybe it was Josh who chose to focus on all the negative things his father said. He did remember his father giving him some praise now and then, but the chastising he received from his old man seemed to remain with him longer him for some reason. It didn't matter anymore. Josh only hoped he was a believer. His fight with cancer ended quicker than Josh thought it would. He wasn't sure if his 'ol man was saved or not. He never thought to ask. Josh never saw him go to church and the name "Jesus" never came out of his mouth, for good or bad. Some basic principles of how to tell if a person's a Christian weren't as evident in him. It wasn't as if he was a bad man. He was a good person. Josh never heard his father use foul language. He didn't smoke and only occasionally drank. He was a good provider for his family too. Even when times were really tough his father would find some kind of odd job he could do: clean a truck-stop bathroom, mow a lawn, or simple manual labor for a contractor. He even went as far as walking up and down the county roads picking up cans that had been thrown out of vehicles as they sped by. His father was even good enough to go out of his way to help someone else in need, even if his own family was down to their last dollar.

Josh remembered he was a decent man, but was his father a Christian? Did his father believe that Jesus is the Son of God, came to earth, died on the cross for his sins and rose again on the third day? Josh wasn't sure. Was there grace given to those who were just good people? The answer was probably in the Bible somewhere, but the last thing he wanted to do was ask Driton where something was in the Bible. He figured he should be able to piece it together from all he's seen so far.

Josh remembered love was important, so was faith. Josh knew his father loved him, his older sister, and their mother. Josh was sure his father had some friends he cared dearly for. As for loving those who did evil to him? Josh wasn't sure about that either. And as for faith? Josh was again at a loss. He knew his father never worried about where they'd get money for their basic needs. That was kind of like having faith, but did he have faith God would provide or was he just trying to think positive? Maybe that's why Driton stressed people should show they're a Christian by the works they do. It's for others to see Jesus in them. Then Josh, as well as others, would have no need to wonder. He wanted to believe his father was in heaven but believing it doesn't make it so. Even if his father had been a little hard on him growing up Josh would never wish a day in hell on anyone, no matter how much he disliked them.

"So?" Driton was still standing there waiting for an answer, "You ready to go?" He smiled.

He knew Josh would have a hard time leaving, just as Driton knew people have a hard time letting go. But Josh was ready. Finally ready to make the final transition to his real home.

"I am," he said with a small, assured, nod and grin.

Driton nodded back at him then started off again. Josh faithfully followed Driton wherever he was headed.

Josh, being ignorant of how this would work, wasn't sure exactly what to expect. He looked around, wondering if the scenery would change and they'd somehow be in heaven. But nothing changed. To his surprise, nothing out of the ordinary happened. They continued their walk through the city as if they were taking a leisurely stroll through some park. After every turn, Josh expected to be whisked away or something, but it didn't happen.

"I figured there'd be a bright light from heaven shining down on us and raise us to heaven the moment I said 'Yes'." Josh said partially joking but partially serious.

Driton was quick to catch on, "You watched way too many movies, Josh."

Josh smiled. Driton was right, most of what he knew about heaven and hell he got from TV and movies. Both made it look as though if someone were really bad on earth their torture in hell would be minor, if at all. It was nothing like that. You sin a little or you sin a lot, if you don't follow Jesus' teachings, you're going to the same hell as everyone else. Really bad things happen to everyone. Josh trembled to think of going through all that for eternity. There wasn't even a chance to get used to any of it, everything was so sporadic, he never knew what kind of pain he'd be going through next. If he'd been there much longer Josh could just imagine what other things those demons would have thought up to do to him. Josh thought of that poor woman he met when he first got there. He remembered how scared she was of him. Probably thought he was going to hurt her or something. He couldn't blame her, Josh thought Driton was there to hurt him when he first showed up. He thought of all the wicked things done to that woman over and over again, things that would never stop. Josh cringed. His heart went out to her. He wished he could help.

"Driton?"

"Mm-hm?" Driton stopped walking so he could give Josh his full attention.

"When I went to hell, before...," Josh paused thinking about all the horrible things that had been done to him.

"...some...things happened...," Driton was delicate in trying to help Josh continue his thought.

"Yeah...um...I met this girl, er, young woman actually. I was just wonderin' why...she was there?"

"In hell?"

"Yeah."

Driton wasn't sure how he wanted to answer such an easy question, "Well...she sinned," Driton said to the point.

"Well, yeah, but...what did she do? Specifically?"

"You shouldn't worry about things like that, Josh. You could wonder that about everyone sent there. And we honestly don't have that much time."

"We have eternity." Josh quipped. Driton closed his eyes, snickered to himself and shook his head, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Josh said quickly, "What I mean is, she's the only other...soul I met there and she looked so frightened...so frail." Josh's smile faded away remembering the look on her face when he touched her, "She just didn't look like some evil person that belongs there. I jus' wondered what someone like that could have done to end up there."

"Because she's a woman?"

Josh took a quick moment to think about it, "Well...now I do, I guess."

"She had a problem letting go." Before Josh could say anything Driton continued, "She was hurt by someone and couldn't let go of it. She is one that could not completely forgive the person who had done the wrong to her. Remember we talked about forgiving people from the heart?" Josh nodded, "She said she forgave him, maybe trying to convince herself or others, but God knew her heart. For many years following she harbored it there. She couldn't let go and became vindictive. She was hurt and wanted the other person to hurt. She wanted them to pay for what she felt was the full cost of making her feel the way she did. She wanted to repay evil with evil when Jesus asked His followers to repay evil with goodness. That means doing every kind of good for the other person. She couldn't bring herself to do that. Because she couldn't forgive from her heart, God couldn't forgive her of her sins, no matter how many times she asked Him to. She died at a young age and He counted all her sins against her. On the outside she might have looked like a good person, but nothing is hid from Him."

"So, she was a believer."

"Of course. But she didn't know her Bible very well. She went to church, volunteered with a women's group from there, and so on. But she chose to do only the Bible verses that appealed to her, not everyone. It's not uncommon. People do that every day," he said with a shrug. "Find the verses you like, ignore the rest. Find people who are like-minded as you so you can feel justified in what you do and how you feel and ignore everything else. She's in hell simply because she couldn't forgive."

Josh swallowed hard, that look she gave him still seared in his mind. He did remember the two of them discussing this some time ago but now he had a face to go with everything they talked about. Even though they had talked and Josh understood everything, for some reason now he didn't think something like that was worth someone going to hell. Obviously, it was though. How small and socially acceptable it seems to hold on to the bitterness when something hurtful is done to you, a way of justifying what they want done to the perpetrator. That being true, how many more people will be going to hell for eternity because they can't truly forgive?

"How's that fair?"

"Her going to hell?"

"Well, I understand why she went but...okay, let's just say someone sinned against her..."

"Someone did sin against her." Driton pointed out

Josh knew he'd misspoke. He held up his hands, gesturing for Driton to let him continue, "Right, but let's say that person, years later, sees the error of their way and turns to follow Jesus with their whole heart. Okay?" Josh wanted to be sure Driton was following him so far.

"Okay," he said half-nodding.

"Now, that person follows Jesus for the rest of their life, dies, and goes to heaven. Right?" He paused again, being sure Driton would agree.

Driton had a suspicious look on his face, "Right." He said slowly.

"Okay, now the woman, who had to bear this for what I'm assuming is a long time and has had a tough life because of it, goes to hell."

Driton's expression, nor his tone, changed, "Yeah."

"How is that fair? She's been through a lot already, but now she's forced to endure hell while the other person can do evil then live a life of peace and rest?" Driton was about to respond when Josh continued, "That means if I live a sinful life then repent on my deathbed I'll go to heaven. It's like a 'get in free' card."

Driton waited to see if Josh was finished, then he answered, "It's not all so black and white, Josh. First of all the deathbed repentance isn't a guarantee. No one knows when they'll die. Anyone in the world could be killed in a robbery, get a terminal disease, or get hit by a car and die. That's why people say, 'No one is guaranteed tomorrow.' Only God knows when a person's time is up. Those people who hope to repent in time might not have enough of it. It's not a chance I'd want to take if I were human. Forgiveness might seem minor to humans, but it's huge in our world. We talked about this, Josh."

"I know, I know." Josh said it, but he didn't sound convinced

"It's not about being fair, it's about showing people God's true nature. God loves humans no matter what evil thing they do to Him. This is helpful for people who cuss and scream at God, use His name as if it means nothing to them, or flat out tries to do everything against Him because they feel He let them down, they're hurt and want Him to know how He made them feel. God wants people to show the same kind of love He shows to them."

Josh understood, but his human side kept gnawing at him. That woman, lost somewhere in hell, being tortured. His mind was muddled with thoughts now, so many it was hard to think of anything else, anything pleasant or positive. He looked around again at the bustling city hoping something would clear his mind. It was still daylight out. It looked close to evening. The cars and people quickly slowed to an almost standstill as if emulating what his mind was going through. It wasn't though. That was how things worked here and even though he'd been around it for this long, he still wasn't sure why things happened the way they did.

Josh watched the people, observing how they walked, dressed, and reacted to the world around them. His envy for them returned. They still had a chance to ask for forgiveness and turn their lives around before it was too late. They were able to hold their loved ones and cherish every day with them before they were taken away from the only world they've known. It must be similar to what angels think as they walk among the humans. Certainly it was what demons did. Seeing humans get a second chance at life when they don't. Josh could empathize. He wondered what the woman thought when she found herself in hell. "Why am I here? I don't belong here." The same thing the preacher would after living his life through a lie.

Josh caught glimpses of angels walking gracefully near the human they were assigned. Equally visible were demons among their assigned "job". It was becoming much easier to accept seeing both angel and demon among the people. He was starting to get used to the whole thing. He thought about how much he knew now. He felt like someone who had just eaten the fruit of knowledge. His eyes were opened to this secret spirit world. Yet, Josh knew he'd only seen part of what was going on. There was an entire world out there—different nations following false gods, or demons to be more precise—and in all these countries Jesus' death and resurrection had been preached but few chose to follow Him. He could question why but he already knew the answer. It was the same reason he hadn't. He didn't think he needed to. Inwardly he groaned as he relived his life again. His only consolation was Jesus died for his sins. That was something that made him smile. This perfect love He gave to him because He knew Josh wouldn't be able to do it on his own.

Josh looked at Driton, smiled and said, "I'm sorry, Driton. I'm really ready to go now."

Driton returned the smile and nodded, "Okay," he said, and they were on their way again.

Chapter 17

Just out of the city where a few trees lined the road Josh walked with Driton imagining he could smell the leaves and bark, even the smell of the dirt they grew in. In his mind it all smelled fresh like in spring when everything started to come alive again. Josh was excited. He felt like he was walking on clouds already. He was going to heaven, and Driton would be his guide just like he'd been his guide to this world. Josh couldn't help wondering if Driton would be around after he got to heaven, probably not. Driton would most likely be assigned to someone else on the wrong path like he'd been. It'd be sad to see his friend leave. He felt sad. If he could make tears, his eyes would be moist by now. He'd grown fond of his protector, even though Driton said things Josh didn't like. Still, there was something comforting about knowing Driton was there beside him, to help him whenever he might be in need. His chin wrinkled thinking about it.

Josh had to keep his mind off those things. He didn't want this to be a sad occasion. It should be a happy one. He thought of the famous people he might meet in heaven. He'd sure have a lot of questions to ask them when he found them. He began making a list in his mind of the people he'd like to meet first: Jesus (of course), the Apostles, even the thief on the cross who believed before it was too late, "Wonder what he stole to be sentenced to hang on the cross?" It would be amazing. He could easily walk up to any one of them and simply start a conversation. No bodyguards to keep him at a distance, no fences or other barriers to separate them from the "common folk". And Jesus! What a wonderful thing to meet the Man who's the reason why he was given this great opportunity! Hopefully He wasn't too busy. Josh would love to have a sit down with Him under a shady tree on some green hillside and chat, but everyone who went to heaven probably wanted that, just a little alone time with Jesus to hear His voice, to actually hear an unmistakable, audible, answer to their question instead of what they'd been used to when praying. Josh hoped Jesus could find time. He was sure He could. With the way time ran here, Jesus had as much time as He needed.

Eternity. The word sounded different now. It's meaning far more different than what it was when Josh was alive. Before, it had been just a word. It held no real significance. His wife promised to love him "eternally", but then she divorced him. Not the best example of what eternity is, but that was just it. People said it without any real thought about what the word really means. Like the word "love", it's bounced around so freely people have forgotten what true love really looks like. So it is with "eternity". When he was alive, eternity meant nothing to Josh, something said because it sounded right. Now it told how long he'd be in heaven, enjoying his time of rest, there was absolutely no end to it. Jesus truly was a blessing for all humankind. Josh would have to thank Him personally for all He'd done, for all He'd suffered, and still loved him after the way he treated Him. Josh swallowed. That's what love is, being able to look beyond all the evil and still love the person. Was Jesus hurt when people did evil things? Must have been. But He still remained faithful, honorable, and trustworthy. Josh would definitely have to thank Him, not just once; he'd do his best to thank Him every time he saw Him for all the suffering He'd gone through.

When Josh came out of his meditation he saw they were in a suburban neighborhood. The trees were more abundant now, standing in a long row on either side of the paved road. They shaded the both of them nicely from the sun. Josh looked up to try and catch some of the sun's rays through the leaves on the trees. He tried again to remember what the warm light felt like. He looked down at his feet. He watched how his toes curled upward with every step he took. He wondered if he'd always walked like that. He smiled, never had he had this much time to do the kind of self-reflection he did now, these...little fascinations of himself became amusing, and revealing. Josh rubbed his hand through his hair. It was much thicker than before. He was surprised God would allow it to grow back since it had given him such a sense of pride. There was that amazing grace again. God was willing to give His people everything they wanted. Josh knew his time on earth was tough, but all of it seemed minor now.

Josh wished there was some way he could get a letter out to the world to tell them not to become disheartened when things get really tough. He wanted to tell everyone they should love everything God had made. He wished he could tell everyone all the things he'd gone through so they could make the right choice before it's too late. He knew there'd be some who wouldn't listen, fearing they'd have to give up their comfortable life, but then that would be their choice too. Josh would at least know he'd warned them, and now they had no excuse when they went before God. They could do their best to make excuses but then God could simply point out Josh's letter and tell them they had their chance. Yes, a letter would have been worthwhile, but even that's too late for him now.

Josh lifted his head. It was dark out. Almost pitch black except for the few porch lights in front of the houses. This spiritual timing thing was something Josh wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to. He glanced around. It looked like they were still in the same neighborhood, or at least one similar to it.

"What time is it?" Josh blurted out not even thinking before he spoke.

"In human time or our time?" Driton gave a smile.

"Human time," Josh said.

"About eight o'clock."

Josh nodded, feeling embarrassed he said anything at all. He looked around at the neighborhood again then realized what Driton had asked.

"So...what time is it in our time?"

Driton burst out laughing, "Josh, you really worry about the silliest things."

Josh laughed, knowing how corny it must have sounded, "I'm sorry, I just caught what you said."

Driton was right, it didn't make much difference what time it was. He looked around the neighborhood again, the smile still on his face, nothing looked familiar. A long walk wasn't exactly what Josh had in mind when he said he was ready to go to heaven. There was something in the Bible about the road to heaven is long, maybe that's what this was. But this was absurdly long. Then Driton slowed his pace until he stopped. He paused for a moment, looked to the ground, and then turned towards Josh.

"There's something I have to do, Josh. You can wait here if you like, but I have somewhere I have to go."

What? This seemed somehow out of character for Driton. What could he possibly have to do before taking Josh to heaven? And how long had he known he had to do this...thing? Did he get a message from God all the sudden? Is that how He speaks to His angels? Is it some sort of telepathic message only Driton heard? And why did he have to go? Why couldn't some other angel be sent? It didn't look like it was that important. When Driton said he had to go his demeanor hadn't changed. He didn't look like he had to hurry. He simply turned and told Josh he had to go do something. Just like someone stepping out of the living room to get something out of the refrigerator. Why would he leave Josh alone? What if some demon came by and Josh was just standing there with no one to protect him? What would Josh do? Who would he turn to?

"Unless you want to come with me," Driton followed up.

Josh was relieved but didn't want to show it. He hoped he kept his composure well.

He shrugged coolly, "Eh, whatever. I could wait here or go with, it doesn't really matter." To himself he prayed Driton would offer to take him wherever he was going.

"Come on," Driton said with a smile. "This shouldn't take long."

Josh watched Driton closely, trying to determine where it was they were going. If Driton looked tense that could mean trouble. If he remained at ease, it could be something as simple as picking up something. Maybe he was going to assist another angel on some business he couldn't handle alone. Or maybe God directed him to pull someone else out of hell before they lost hope. Was that Driton's job? As was common Josh's mind moved from one subject to another without much effort. Josh never really considered what "job" God assigned Driton. Was that all he did? Could get quite boring after a few millennia. There would have to be some kind of satisfaction knowing your job saves lives...literally...and eternally. Did he have any other job? Time didn't seem much of a factor here, which would give Driton an opportunity to do other things. Was he a protector? He had to be, the way he watched over Josh shows he's had practice.

Wait, where were they? Josh had been so preoccupied that he failed to notice Driton had stopped and was facing a house. Were they on the same street? Blast these cookie-cutter neighborhoods, they all look alike.

"This is it." Driton told Josh.

Josh looked at the house then back at Driton. "What do you have to do here?" Driton didn't answer. "Is it another person going to heaven?" He was guessing but wanted to be right.

Without answering, Driton began walking up the pathway, Josh walked just behind him to the small single story house. There was no car by the street or in the gravel driveway to indicate anyone was at home. There were no children's toys strewn around the front yard. The porch light was on but its glow barely made it past the first step of the porch. It was enough to show the gray-weathered wood behind the peeling white paint. Two bushes in front of the house stood on either side of the steps. Their small leaves were still, the only indication Josh had that the wind was calm. Driton and Josh walked up the steps and into the light. The house didn't look particularly old, just unkempt. To their left was a run-down porch swing sitting motionless in front of a window.

"Is there anyone here?" Josh asked whispering, "I don't see any lights on."

Driton turned his head towards Josh and responded, mimicking Josh's whisper, "Well, we're not here to rob the place. And why are you whispering?"

Josh smiled and shook his head. He couldn't believe he did it again. Just to be silly he answered with a sarcastic whisper, "You don't have to wait for someone to be out of the house to steal somethin'."

Driton responded with a snicker, "True," he said in his normal voice, "but we're more worried about their lives, not their material things."

"Yeah but..."

Driton put his finger to his lips, "Let's not discuss this now. I have business here. We can talk later, okay?"

Josh sheepishly agreed and turned his attention to the house again. Maybe Driton had to expel some demon before the owners came home. That would be so cool! Josh could just see it now: a demon standing inside, lording over the house as though he were supreme, then Driton confidently walking in. The demon would take one look at him and hiss, not wanting to give up his domain. A fight would ensue and...and...well, Josh wasn't sure what would happen, but he was sure it'd be cool. The only thing he could relate it to was the things he'd seen on TV. It'd be awesome and Josh would get a front row seat to the best show he'd ever seen! Josh lightly shook his head to stop it from assuming things. He was going in with Driton, he'd see for himself.

Driton was the first to walk towards the front door, passing through as though the door wasn't even there. It looked so cool. Still geeked up from the fight scene he'd played out in his mind he walked forward himself, hesitating only slightly.

Josh expected to see Driton waiting for him on the other side but he was nowhere to be found. Everything was dark except the dim light coming from somewhere around a corner ahead of him that Josh guessed was a night-light, which didn't help him see much. From what Josh could see, the interior of the house was about as well kept as the exterior. The carpet at his feet looked like it might be a dark brown color but there was no way to be sure unless he flipped on a light and that wasn't happening. He could tell he was in some kind of small entryway with a white wall to his left and right. He walked forward a few steps until he passed the entrance to a room on his right. He looked into it hoping to make something out. He saw the outline of a floor model television in the corner to his right, the kind he remembered watching as a kid. As his eyes adjusted even more to the darkness he could see a dark colored couch--possibly brown or a dark maroon--and coffee table but no sign of Driton. He kept walking towards the night-light to investigate, still letting his eyes wander, hoping he'd be able to see Driton's royal blue eyes shining from somewhere. Josh hadn't considered maybe Driton expected him to stay outside while he went in to do whatever it was he'd been sent here to do, or at least stand in the entryway until he returned. They never discussed it so it wasn't like Josh was disobeying Driton. He hoped by him coming in he wouldn't mess anything up.

As Josh closed in on the dim light he could see it was inside a kitchen. The light was above the sink on the far wall. Josh looked to his left. There was a longer hallway where, he assumed by the layout of the house, the bedrooms were. With no sign of Driton in the living room or kitchen Josh carefully walked down the hallway. He felt nervous. He was afraid he'd wake someone and they'd come out with a pistol in their hand ready to shoot him. Josh shook his head again. He couldn't believe he just thought that. What would a gun do to him now?

Down the hallway the light grew dimmer until, at the end, he saw nothing but blackness. With what limited light he had he could make out three doorways, two on his right and one on his left. Josh paused halfway down the hall to consider what he should do next. Driton was nowhere in the rest of the house, which only left one of the bedrooms. He could see the door nearest to his right was a bathroom and Driton wasn't in there. The door to the room a little further down was open and dark, but no one appeared to be in there either. Josh looked to the door on his left, it was the only other place and it was closed. Still standing in the middle of the hall Josh craned his neck listening intently at the door. He thought he could hear something, but wasn't too sure. He moved closer until he was next to it. He did hear something, but it was too muffled to make out. He stood back for a moment debating within himself whether he should enter or not. It didn't sound like anything bad was going on behind it. He hadn't heard any yelling or thrashing around. Maybe Driton had already taken care of whatever evil terrorized this house. Or he could have lost. What would Josh do if Driton was in there laid out on the floor? Driton was ten times stronger than Josh. If Driton had been beat down by something stronger than him, what help could Josh give?

"Curious yet?" The voice startled Josh. He jumped, almost smacking into the door. It was Driton. "I'm sorry," Driton smiled "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Geez out!" Josh held his chest purely out of habit. "I 'bout came unglued. If I weren't dead, you'd have given me a heart-attack."

"I'm sorry." Driton said again, enjoying his little prank.

"Sheesh! I thought you were inside the room. I heard a noise in there an' thought it was you."

"No, no, it's not me. But it is what I came here for." Driton smiled his usual comforting smile then walked through the closed door. Josh took that as an invitation to follow and he did.

Chapter 18

The bedroom was lit by a single lamp sitting on an end-table on the other side of the bed to their right, no wonder why he couldn't see any lights from the front porch. It was just enough to illuminate the room, making the walls appear yellow. There was a dark brown dresser to Josh's left, almost camouflaged by the dark brown carpet. Josh walked forward a bit, not entirely sure why Driton needed to be there. He could hear more clearly the sound of someone lightly sobbing. It sounded like it was coming from the other side of the bed. From where he stood Josh stretched his neck trying to see what it was without having to move any closer, in case it was something that didn't want to be bothered, like a demon.

Driton walked to the other side of the bed, sighing sadly as he did. Josh waited for a minute, he didn't want to interfere with Driton's business, but Driton didn't move. Josh built up enough courage to step forward. On the other side of the bed, sitting on the floor next to the end-table he saw a young teenage girl. The lamp on her nightstand shone on her red shoulder length hair and down onto her arms and hands. She'd obviously been crying for some time that night. Josh, curious as always, moved closer to her.

"What's wrong with her?" Josh asked looking at Driton.

Driton motioned towards the girl, "They're back."

Josh turned to look. He could see the two figures kneeling nearby, one on her left and one on her right. Close enough they almost touched her. Both figures were black as coal. Their baldheads, red eyes, and long, pointed, ears left no question that they were demons. The same type he'd seen walking around the city. The same he'd seen in that woman's apartment. Josh wasn't sure whether these were the same demons but their actions were familiar. They were close enough to whisper lies into the young girl's ears, their voices so low Josh could only make out a few sentences. But they were sentences Josh remembered well.

"Why not?" One said, "No one'll miss me anyway. It might be better if I'm gone."

"People'd be happier. They don't care anyway." Said the other. "Anything's gotta be better than this."

A cold chill ran down Josh's back. All the hairs on his arms and neck stood up, tingling as they did. Those were the same words he'd heard before he killed himself...the night that instantly sent him to hell. He remembered thinking those words were his own, the voice in his head sounded exactly like his. He couldn't believe he fell for those lies. He almost couldn't believe this beautiful, sweet girl could believe the same lines.

Josh looked down into the girl's hands. Both her palms were face up. In her right hand was the razor blade from a shaver. Neither of the demons laid a finger on her, but their words more than urged her. They were slowly convincing her it was the right thing to do.

"My God," Josh said out loud, "Is this what it looked like the night I...?" He didn't finish.

Driton was a little reluctant to answer. "Yes." He said sounding like he carried a heavy heart.

Josh looked back at Driton and swallowed hard, "I never knew."

"You're not supposed to." Driton was always to the point, "That's why they're so successful."

Josh turned his head back to the young girl. He watched her helplessly as she stared at her wrists. Her arms were trembling some as she contemplated using that blade across her pearly-white skin. A gold bracelet around her left wrist shimmered as it crept down her arm near the spot she'd have to cut. Josh was by no means an expert on what was going to happen, and he couldn't see into her heart, but he could see in her face that she was slowly breaking and about to give in to their unrelenting pressure. Back and forth with their lies the demons didn't let up. Tears flowed a little more down her cheeks. Josh knelt down, his heart broke for the girl. He knew her feeling of uselessness and hopelessness. He knew what it felt like to think no one loves you. He knew the young girl would want it all to end so she could finally have some peace from her otherwise chaotic life. She'd never suspect things would only get worse. Josh thought about what would happen to her in hell. He had to shake his head a few times to get those thoughts out. It was despicable to think what those demons would do to her. She was just a child.

"Will she go to hell?" Josh asked. "She's just a young girl."

"But she's old enough to be responsible for her own actions."

Josh closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. This didn't seem right.

"We gotta do something." Josh was adamant, assuming this was what Driton was here to do.

"She's given the same choice you had, Josh. Where she goes from here is up to her."

Josh's voice raised some, "How do you expect her to make a logical choice when she's got two demons whispering in her ear things that would make anyone feel bad about them self? I know."

"That's their job—"

"Job!? I can't believe this. You're telling me you're not going to interfere because it's not your job!?"

"I'm sorry Josh, I don't make the rules. She is more than able to make this decision on her own. I told you, demons don't actually make the feelings surface in her, they point out things they hope will persuade her. They're familiar spirits, they know her secret fears and doubts" Driton paused to think, "And they might throw in something new just to twist the truth enough to sway her a little more so she'll do what they want."

Josh scoffed, not accepting Driton's explanation. He faced the girl again then moved in closer to try and hear more of what the demons were telling her.

"Don't get too close, Josh," Driton warned, "Those demons will think nothing of pushing you back."

Josh eased forward until he was about six feet away from them. It was as close as he felt he would be allowed to get. Josh tried to listen, but the demons were closer to her ears, whispering even quieter. Josh could tell by the way she moved her arms and looked up to the ceiling as if searching for some kind of sign she was becoming more convinced this was the right thing for her to do. Again he noticed the golden bracelet on her wrist sparkling, taking his attention away the look her face. It had moved in such a way that Josh caught a glimpse of the lettering. He thought the first letter resembled an "N". He squinted his eyes to make out the rest. One by one he spelled out the word N-I-K-K-I. It didn't fully hit Josh at first. She was just some girl with the same nickname as his own...daughter. Who happened to have red hair. Red hair his daughter inherited from him. But this girl couldn't be his daughter; she was much older than the five year old he remembered.

Josh stood. "What's her name?" he asked with a little apprehension.

Driton didn't speak at first. His face was expressionless. He couldn't believe Josh didn't know. "Josh....," just the tone of Driton's voice made Josh more nervous.

"What's her name?" he asked sharply. Driton didn't answer. Josh turned his head towards Driton, "How long was I in hell?"

Seeing Josh wasn't about to back down Driton relented, "You were in hell for eight years, Josh. This is Nicole...your daughter."

Josh felt numb. Even his mind wasn't working properly. He tried to put all the pieces together but was having a hard time. It couldn't be true. His daughter wasn't supposed to turn out like this. He remembered her as a sweet, happy little girl. She was so cute the way she tried to say words like chicken but could only get out "chicky" as her eyes lit up, proud of herself for saying words like a "big girl". Josh remembered he could barely hold in his laughter the day he heard her use the term "chicky-chicky-bock-bock" as a new means of saying the word. He remembered her as a curious little thing, always wondering how things worked, so much so that her questions of "why" would begin to irritate Josh and his wife. Even while Josh struggled to believe this was really his daughter, he recognized the nose on her face she'd inherited from him. It was unmistakable. It sloped down smoothly, but at the end it jutted out almost straight ahead. He'd hated it on himself but thought it was cute on her. She even had the cleft in her chin like he did. Then there were the features she'd inherited from her mother: her eyes and high cheekbones. This had to be her, but she wasn't the little girl he remembered anymore. What could have happened to make her turn out like this? How much she'd changed in such a relatively short time. The bright-eyed girl had somehow lost her shine and was now in a dark and disturbing place.

One of the demons said to Nikki, "Your father did it, he's not suffering anymore. It was easy."

Josh about fell backwards as though he were going to faint. The choice he made to end his life, now many years ago, could be the tipping-point of his own daughter. Believing he went to some wonderful place would make it much easier for her to go through with it.

"No." Josh said, more to himself than those around, then moved a little closer.

Driton moved next to Josh, placing his hand on Josh's chest, "Josh, you can't interfere. It's her life, her choice. She's going to have to take responsibility for her own actions."

"How can you say that? She's my daughter!"

"I know, Josh," his voice still calm, trying to sound comforting, "Even though that's true, we can't interfere."

"What!?" Josh didn't understand but thought it was Driton who didn't. "Nikki!?" he yelled at her trying to get her attention.

"Josh...," Driton's hand was still on Josh's chest keeping him from getting any closer.

"Get off me!" he slapped Driton's hand away, "Nikki!?"

"Josh," Driton moved in front of Josh to keep him from going any further, "you can't."

"What do you mean I can't? You think I'm gonna stand here while my daughter's about to destroy her life!?" he was getting more agitated, "Nikki!" Josh yelled louder hoping she'd hear some hint of his voice, but she kept staring at her wrists. Her breathing was getting heavier now like she was building herself up for something.

"Josh, this is her life," Driton tried to reason now holding Josh back with his whole body.

"And I'm her father!! Nikki!!" Still she didn't hear. Still the demons whispered to her. Josh was becoming more afraid for her life. He yelled at the top of his lungs, "NIKKI!!"

"Josh," Driton said again.

Josh tried pushing Driton away from him, "Aaaagh!!" Driton stood so firm, it was Josh who was moved back.

"Josh, I can't let you. That's not how it works."

"What do you know!!?" If Josh weren't so angry, tears would probably be streaming down his face right now, "All we have to do is go over there and remove those...those...," Josh couldn't think of a word to describe those things manipulating his daughter.

"That's not how it works," Driton said again calmly.

"'How it works'!? 'How it works'!? I'll tell you how it's supposed to work!" Josh pointed his finger at Driton, "You're supposed to be good! You're supposed to help those in need! You're supposed to do what's right! You're supposed to protect and serve humans! But you don't, you're just happy to sit back and allow something as wicked as this to happen to a child!? What kind of angel would do that!!?"

As angry and confused as Josh was, his own words somehow echoed in his ears. Over and over again he heard them. Josh thought about what he just asked. He immediately stopped his raging. It was then he realized something and all the anger drained from his body.

"You're not an angel at all are you?" there was a knowing tone in his monotonous voice.

"Of course I am, Josh...," Driton said sincerely. Then a small, fiendish, smile crossed his face, "...just not the kind you think."

Josh stared at Driton, then he looked at the floor to sort it out in his head. All this time... all this time Driton stood in front of him and wasn't who he appeared to be. He should have known. But how could he? He just assumed by the way Driton looked. Of course, Driton never said he was a demon either. It was the things he said that made Josh believe he was an angel. He twisted things...like a demon would. Driton was right, he wasn't the kind of angel Josh thought he was. He was a fallen angel, one of those that had been kicked out of heaven. How could Josh be so stupid? Josh's mind rushed through various conversations he and Driton had.

"...you killed yourself. People who commit suicide go to hell. No matter what..."

"Are there a lot of you guys?" Josh asked

"We have enough," Driton smiled.

"Sounds confusing."

"Well, it's only confusing to those that have been deceived..."

Like a rush of wind Josh came back to reality. His eyes were shut tight. He didn't want it to be real because if this were real it only meant one thing for him.

"What, is this not what you expected?" He said motioning his hands over his snow-white robe. "You need a more believable angelic figure?"

Driton pulled back and a bright light shined in from behind him, as bright as the sun. He morphed into a ten foot tall being with large white wings spreading out wide to his left and right. His eyes glowed like white-hot embers. Even his face radiated beautifully. His white gown glowed brighter than before, like pure snow reflecting the sun's light. From somewhere above him Josh heard the sound of a thousand voices singing.

"Peace be unto you," Driton said in a loud booming voice.

Then, all at once, Driton returned back to his original form. And Josh found himself back in the gloomy bedroom.

Driton chuckled, "You wouldn't believe how many people we fool with that one."

Josh breathed heavily trying to keep his mind and emotions from getting out of control.

"Josh," Driton said still smiling, "You really should have read your Bible more. It held the key to your life. And, in fact, your very soul. You failed to do what was asked of you when you were alive. It wasn't complicated...all this is your fault."

Josh became incensed. He'd been deceived by the one person he thought he could trust and he had trusted him. Now Driton had ripped that from him and was about to allow his daughter to go through the same hell he had. Again Josh imagined the things they'd do to her there. It seemed almost unthinkable, and it'd all be because of Josh.

Josh couldn't hold back his emotions any more. He went ballistic. He rushed towards Nikki but was stopped by Driton. Josh yelled at the top of his lungs, trying to get her attention. The vein in the middle of his forehead bulged out farther than it ever had. The skin on his neck pulled tight as he stretched it trying to get an inch closer. He yelled for her while trying to push forward but Driton was so much stronger. Josh knew he'd never get through, causing his anger to turn into rage. He didn't care Driton superior to him. He stopped from pressing forward, backed up a bit to give himself some room, and began hitting Driton in the chest and face with his tightly clenched fists while spouting his anger at him.

"Josh." Driton was still unfazed by Josh's anger and physical abuse, "Josh." he said calmly again.

But there was no calming him down now and Driton knew it. Josh drew his arm back, clenched his fist, and thrust it at Driton's face. In the middle of Josh's swing Driton's face distorted to reveal the hidden evil behind that angelic demure. Driton let out a frightening demonic guttural yell then his face returned to its peaceful and comforting look. The two seconds this took to happen scared Josh severely. He backed away quickly, but now it was Driton's turn. He only had to start moving for Josh to know Driton was going to strike. Josh's rage rapidly turned to fear and he cringed not knowing exactly what to expect. Driton took a step forward, swung his arms so they crossed. Both sounded like flaming swords swinging in the wind. He swung them again, striking Josh with the backs of his hands. At his touch Josh disappeared in a burning fade and glowing embers, throwing his head back in pain.

Josh was immediately back in that black hell he started in, on his knees and holding himself from of the physical and now mental pain he was in. Out of the darkness Driton suddenly appeared and began circling him.

"Who do you think you are?" it was the first time Josh had ever heard that tone in Driton's voice, like a parent talking down to their child. Driton glared at Josh, lording over the fact he was fully in control of him. "You think you can just come here and change the way things have been for thousands of years? You really think you can take us on? Command us to do your will? You're a pathetic and weak little human. Your days of worrying about living are over. Didn't we give you everything you ever wanted? The women, the money, the drugs, the alcohol? Everything you asked, we gave it to you. You think there wouldn't be a price to pay for it? You think we do it because we like you?" Not once did Josh remove his hands from his face. "This...!" Driton spread his arms wide, looking around at the cavernous blackness "all this is what you've been working towards. This is your end, Josh."

Josh started to cry, "But I don't belong here,"

"Don't you? Didn't you enjoy your life on earth?"

"I didn't think it was coming from you."

"Who do you think it was coming from? You think God's going to give you all those women to have sex with? You think God's going to give you all that money when you abuse it like you did? Do you even know God? You obviously don't because if you did you might have been a little more receptive to His leading. Or maybe you thought hell wouldn't be that bad? You're not like us, you're a mere human." Driton looked at Josh with disgust, "You're lower than us. We are the ones that control you, not the other way around. Like puppets we control you. We may let you think you're in control, but in the end, we have you. By the time you notice it, you're here. Just like we have you here now."

Josh made a pitiful effort to compose himself and crawled to Driton, grabbing onto his leg, "Please, just...just let me go to my daughter and help her, or you...you go and tell her for me, just...just please don't let her come here. I beg you." Josh sunk to the charred floor and buried his face in his hands sobbing next to Driton's feet.

Driton knelt down next to him, "Josh...," Driton's voice changed back to that comforting tone, it cut Josh worse than when he was talking down to him. "...you refuse to hear a thing I say. I suggest you hear me now because it will never change. Whether she comes here or not is her choice, just like it is with the rest of the world. Everyone is given a chance to change their life and do what's right. Everyone hears the story of Jesus. Whether they choose to be faithful or not will determine where they'll spend their eternity."

Josh grabbed onto Driton's robe clutching it until his knuckles were the same color as the cloth. His head dropped slowly towards the ground. He began to cry bitterly, knowing there was nothing he could do in exchange for his daughter's life. There was nothing with which he could threaten. And there was no one he could appeal to, at least, not anymore.

"Tsk, Josh." Driton's voice was full of pity. He knelt down next to him, allowing Josh to rest his head on Driton's shoulder. Josh cried even more, wanting so desperately to be comforted. "There's so much I haven't shown you. I wanted to show you how angels protect humans. I wanted to show you how it is we can move things." Driton paused again, stroking Josh's fine head of hair. "I wanted to show you those demons whose job it is to make your life in hell even worse." Josh moaned out of fear, "See, it's just not enough that you be sent to hell, condemned to burn and be tortured. It's a terrible thing, but that's purely physical pain. And, as you know, your body gets rejuvenated when the flames dissipate." Josh held his eyes tighter, not wanting to think about the pain he knew was inevitable. "Few people realize there's another type of pain inflicted on everyone who comes here, which, in some people's opinion, is far worse. That's the mental pain they go through knowing they could've prevented all their suffering simply by...well, I think we both know what should've been done, I won't belabor the point. But also to know they've led others to do the same. This pain never ends. It will always stay there at the forefront of your mind for all eternity. The demons whose job it is to provide this torture?" Driton leaned closer so he could whisper into Josh's ear. "That's me."

Driton's kindly face turned back to disgust. He was sick of looking at Josh and removed himself from Josh's grip. Josh, now weak and feeling the most helpless he ever had in his life, fell limp to the floor kicking up a fine charcoal dust from the ground. Driton just stood there, staring at him. There was no more loving compassion. He loathed Josh's very existence.

"You were given such a precious gift. A gift we'd be willing to tear the whole world apart to attain. And you threw it aside for other things. You deserve to be here Josh Hedges. You and everyone like you. We won't stop until we've brought as many of you here as we can. Even if we have to deceive entire nations. You're done, Josh, wallow in your own doing."

That said, Driton turned his back on Josh and started towards the darkness from which he came.

Josh stood up, his face filthy from the ground. "Driton?" he whimpered out. Driton stopped, halfway in the darkness and half in the light. Josh was thankful he stopped. Driton's royal blue eyes glowed even brighter now, how deceptive looks can be. Josh stood to his feet. He wanted to plead for help but couldn't. "Just, please, tell me what happened. Tell me what happens to Nikki."

Driton flashed a reassuring smile, "Don't worry Josh," Josh's eyes brightened with a glimmer of hope, "you might just end up seeing your daughter again." Driton backed away into the shadows until all Josh could see were his magnificent royal blue eyes glowing in the darkness until that too faded away.

Josh stood there looking pitiful with his question still hanging in the air. He agonized and analyzed whether Nikki would actually do it. Then those thoughts, those horrible, horrible thoughts began. Because Josh hadn't been a father to her, he was held accountable for it. Because he hadn't told her about Jesus, he would be judged. Because Josh took his own life, she might do the same. He thought committing suicide wouldn't hurt anyone else. He thought everyone would be happier without him. None of that happened. What it did do was cause more misery. How long would Josh have to wait before he knew what happened to her? He might never know. He would be forever guessing, forever tormented, forever knowing he could have prevented it. All this and Driton's unwillingness to say one way or the other made Josh's blood boil.

Gritting his teeth, his eyes and face turned blood red, and his whole body tensed. Josh exploded into a fit of rage, "DRITON!!" His voice echoed

He yelled in the direction Driton disappeared, but Driton was long gone now. Off possibly to deceive another poor soul into thinking he was sent by God to take them out of hell. Josh thought he'd seen evil on earth, but nothing compared to the kind of evil Driton inflicted. He yelled once more, that's when he heard the sound of a flame being lit...reminding him of his old gas furnace igniting. An orange glow shimmering behind him reflected off the back of his neck and red hair. He could feel the heat even before he turned around. When he did, he saw the darkness being engulfed. There was nothing Josh could do. He was done, he was finished, and he knew it. This was it. This was his eternity. Angry, betrayed, guilt ridden, and bitter he took every bit of it and yelled.

"AAAGH!!! AAAGH!!!"

From Hell

Chapter from the next book: To Hell

Chapter 1

The sun was creeping up the eastern sky peeking over the high oaks and maples keeping the meadow of wildflowers protected from harsh winds and allowing the dew to have a few more minutes to sit. Each colorful flower glistened as the sun reflected off of them. Animals came out early. The birds began calling out to one another. Bees were already humming away as they hovered from one flower to the next. Even a few deer braved to come out from the protection of the woodlands to pick from the fresh grass.

Rustling out of the woods ran a woman and man, each smiling, happy to be in this wonderful place. Their snow-white robes made them stick out from the surrounding area. The man was chasing the woman, but it was all in fun. Deer looked up from its munching, but there was no fear at the sight and sound of these two prancing around. It was nothing new to them they'd seen angels before, since the dawn of their creation. Their royal blue eyes and large wings were nothing that alarmed them. It was the spirit that emanated from them that each animal tuned in to. And these two were no threat.

The woman's kinked hair bounced as she ran, the grin on her face never leaving. She was radiant and beautiful. Her dark skin only helped to magnify her eyes, hair, and wonderful smile. The man, closing in behind her, was lighter with golden hair. Near the middle of the meadow he finally reached her and, grabbing her by the waist, tackled her to the ground. The woman let out a happy squeal as he did then laughed as they fell to the ground.

"I never thought you'd ever catch up with me," she said still giggling.

"I would've caught you sooner if you hadn't cheated."

"Cheated?" she said.

"Yes cheated." He didn't say any more. He only gave her a look as if to say she knew what he was talking about.

The woman looked up at the fluffy clouds gliding along the blue sky. "Well," she said, "I just figured you didn't need any help catching up."

"Ha!" he said, "You're the one who's trying out to be one of Michael's soldiers." The woman grinned and gushed. "You should have no reason to cheat."

The woman turned serious, "You really think I have a chance?" The man didn't answer. He was busy making out cloud formations in the sky. "You listening to me, Driton?"

