Hey everyone, it’s Holmes from HolmesStorybooks
and today I am here to roast my own Goodreads
reviews from when I first started Goodreads.
A lot of these books I read in 2009, 2012,
and 2015. I read a lot of edgy, masculine
books and not a lot of fiction by women. This
is in no way insulting the books, though my
reading tastes have changed. A lot of these
books I would just say that I’d read them
without adding the date too, so that is something
to keep in mind.
Let’s roast my own reviews and start with
American Psycho. In 2015 I wrote:
“Ah, American Psycho. Such a cult classic
book.
I read this via an audiobook and I thought
it was a well-crafted novel. I love the atmosphere
that Brett Easton Ellis creates, but more
than anything I appreciate his details in
the novel. I love how he mentions brand names,
streets, specific restaurants and how he describes
Patrick Bateman's world, and how he interacts
with it. If anyone else had written it, it
might seem like too much to spend an almost
entire chapter talking about Bateman's morning
routine, the facial masks, the exact number
of push ups in his work out, what foods make
up his breakfast and where he purchased them.
But I loved it.
There are a couple of scenes that I remember
vividly - and some scenes where I couldn't
look away. It is very graphic, and people
who are triggered by very graphic material
should be careful. But the writing is brilliant,
and it is a good book. c:”
… okay, so this review is still pretty true,
though I think I read it in like 2009. I thought
American Psycho was a well-crafted novel.
I really did enjoy some of the level of detail
that Ellis employs in his work. Enough to
read Less Than Zero, which I think I enjoyed
more. This was a period where I left a lot
out of my reviews, so if I didn’t like something,
I often left it out of the review because
I didn’t want to have to argue about why
I didn’t like it.
My issues with it at the time, and now, were
that sometimes it was really a slog to get
through. Some of the scenes in the book felt
unnecessarily violent, graphic and torturous.
There was also a lot of sexism, homophobia
and racism.
It was definitely an 80’s book, which feels
like when Ellis peaked both personally and
as an author, I suppose. So many reviewers
of this book say that the fact that so many
people had visceral reactions to this book
is a sign of its power and prowess. I don’t
know if I agree with that but I do agree with
the fact that this book definitely is a spectacle.
The business card scene is still iconic and
everlasting, and a great example of satire.
And also, I just have to ask. Do we really
need a book about an upper middle class psychopath
who works on Wall Street with a love for 80’s
music? Craft aside and good scenes, I feel
like we don’t need another book like that.
But 14-year-old me was like this is fine,
I can read whatever I want. I can read edgy
fiction and LIKE it. Because I’m a cool
girl. And like, sure, I can still read whatever
I want, but I also don’t have to like everything
I read or even find good things about books
I don’t like.
So, 14-year-old me, I’m sorry, but there’s
so many better books out there. Listen to
your mum. She has good taste.
This next book is The Collector by John Fowles.
I also apparently read this in 2015 but I
feel like I read it more in 2010. It reads:
“This was my first John Fowles book but
it certainly won't be my last.” … I haven’t
read a John Fowles book since. I read it quite
a few years ago, before I was a really big
reader but I still enjoyed it very much. It's
an accessible classic, despite all its creepiness.
Fowles has quite a clinical, masculine writing
style in this novel and I think it works quite
well.
He develops the narrator's character very
slowly, piece by piece. I quite like stories
that linger with you, as this one did, for
me. It feels quite domestic at first - it's
very slow-building, and brooding. I don't
want to say too much, for fear of spoiling
it. So I'll let you read this book for yourself.
Go into it knowing nothing about it, as I
did, and see what it does to you.”
… see what it does to you. Why is that line
so threatening. Jesus. Okay. 17-year-old me
was not about those trigger warnings.
Out of the bunch, I think the Collector is
still probably the one I like the most. It’s
about an introverted man who switches from
collecting butterflies to kidnapping women
in the hope that they’ll fall in love with
him. What is it with butterflies and serial
killers? Huh. It’s really atmospheric, creepy,
the writing is really unassuming but Fowles
builds tension very well. … in the first
half of the novel. The second half of the
novel, told from Miranda’s perspective is
not that great. I don’t know if Fowles just
writes women poorly or if Miranda’s character
was just poorly-developed. But he could’ve
written the second half of the novel so much
better, and so much more horrific and menacing.
It does have a spectacular final line, which
I won’t spoil. It is also a favourite book
of serial killers, so do with that what you
will. 17-year-old me was reading this at a
time where I was buying the red-spined Vintage
Classic books because they were red-spined
Vintage Classics.
I don’t know if I somehow thought (or hoped)
that masculine writing was better? Or if all
the classics that I was reading just so happened
to be by white men? I don’t know. Either
way, this book was very promising and then
it did let me down. And 17-year-old me didn’t
tell you that. Because I wanted to be a COOL
girl.
Let’s start the review for A Clockwork Orange
by Anthony Burgess. I think I also read this
in 2009. I had it on my nightstand for a long
time because it was a tough book to read.
“Man, I really liked this book.
It was one of the first few classics that
I read when I was quite young, and apart from
having a hazy idea of its reputation, I knew
absolutely nothing.
I found the language difficult at first, but
you do really get used to it, and it is quite
regular in its slang and pattern. The thing
I think I appreciated the most about this
book, apart from the craft of the words and
how rhythmic it was, was the strength of the
narrative.
A Clockwork Orange is a really good example
of what happens when you write a well-constructed
story and include a message. While the overall
moral of the story is bold, it's also quite
well-concealed within plot, characters and
an arc. It is very unlike George Orwell's
Animal Farm, for example, where the characters
are purely to facilitate - puppets and nothing
more. Alex, the protagonist, is three dimensional.
It is because he was so well-written that
I fell in love with this story so much. However,
much like the reading material of my youth,
I am not sure how graphic this material is,
but you may want to be careful if you decide
to read it. c:”
I love that I’m like ‘the reading material
of my youth’ as if I’m not an actual 19
year old baby writing that. I also LOVE that
I hated Animal Farm enough to go against the
grain and say that I really hated the book.
Few books could do that to me when I was that
young but George Orwell’s Animal Farm was
that bad. Iconic.
I will say Clockwork Orange really has a very
identifiable voice. It has a language all
of its own, which is very impressive but still
really difficult, especially for a 14-year-old
to read at night before I went to bed. Interestingly,
this one seems to be the most polarising book
of the bunch. People either loved the book,
loved the writing, loved the setting and the
atmosphere, or they hated it. It’s either
a favourite or a book they got rid of as soon
as possible. I liked this, but I hate to say
its language makes it not very memorable.
What happened in this book? There were a lot
of mentions of classical music. A violent
teen being rehabilitated in the most terrible
and traumatising way. There’s … the main
character being forced to watch various things
on a screen in said institution. Then the
culmination of the book, which I remember
but won’t spoil.
… yeah. That’s it. This is definitely
a book I read to say that I have read it.
This next book I don’t have a physical copy
of because my library didn’t have it, and
I don’t care about it enough to acquire
a copy, it is: Tristessa by Jack Kerouac.
I read this in 2015, apparently, and it reads:
“This is a tiny, tiny little Kerouac book.
And you need to know right now absolutely
and unequivocally this book has a lot of drug
use and drug references. Okay? Okay.” Okay,
got it Lydia. Thank you.
I have mixed feelings about Jack Kerouac,
and I think I always will. Originally, I absolutely
adored him, and now I'm not sure how to feel
about him.” INTERESTING. Baby’s first
GROWTH. I wonder what happened in this book.
Regardless, I enjoyed the writing in this
book. The writing, I thought, was quite lyrical
and there were a lot of run-on sentences.
The lack of punctuation was difficult to get
used to, but try not to let it worry you if
you decide to read this book. The character
of Tristessa I totally fell in love with at
the time, but now I'm not sure if she was
presented with the respect she deserved? Was
she fetishised, made exotic / erotic? If I
ever get around to rereading this book, I
want to read it more critically so I know
how I feel about it. It's easy for me to get
swept along in his writing style and not challenge
what I read, or, at least, it was.
The book doesn't really have a plot per se,
so if you like plot, this book might not be
for you. I think I will rate this 3.25 stars.
c:”
The thing I haven’t talked about yet that
is quite hilarious is many of these books
have a smiley emoji made with a lowercase
c and a colon, which is what my wife and I
use when we’re being sarcastic with each
other, so all of these reviews, while seeming
so placating and obliging, feel very sarcastic
to me.
Jack Kerouac and beat writing in general had
a resurgence, I feel like, and lil baby me
got totally caught up in it. Did I like it?
No. I said I did. But I didn’t. His writing
really didn’t feel that well-crafted. I
can’t remember many memorable lines from
any of his works that I read.
But I liked him because I thought he was a
cool guy and a rebel and a person going against
the grain. And maybe he was. But maybe this
book was also all about he fell in love with
a Catholic Mexican sex worker who was addicted
to drugs and used her tragedy to explore his
own life. Yeah. So.
And then, after reading and barely being able
to stomach that book I was like, I’ll read
On the Road, which is his most famous work.
This was really sold to me like a Fear and
Loathing in Las Vegas equivalent, which is
a book by journalist Hunter S. Thompson that
I loved. I listened to the audiobook of this
and read it as the Original Scroll, which
is basically the ream of paper he used to
type out this book on his typewriter.
Apparently if you want to read the book, you
should read this version, which is the fictionalised
and edited version. If you want to experience
Beat Generation writing, you should read this
version. Apparently they do actually vary
in tone, according to the blurb, the Original
Scroll has much more of a sexually frenetic
tone than the other version.
I thought it was okay. I enjoyed listening
to it but I found it really hard work to keep
up with. The lack of chapters, punctuation
and sometimes cohesion in the text meant that
I was often trying to figure out what was
happening instead of enjoying the writing.
But 14-year-old me read all the reviews about
his voice being a creative vision in America
and how it transformed narratives forever,
his revolutionary aesthetic, his wild energy
and was like yeah the book must be good!
And it is poetic, but apart from that, I remember
very little of the book itself. I stopped
reading Kerouac when I was reading one of
his shorter collections, I feel like maybe
it was Lonesome Traveller? Maybe it was The
Town and the City? Maybe it was another one?
But I was reading it and Jack was like “yeah,
I was having sex with this girl, and she wasn’t
enjoying it, but I showed her how to enjoy
herself because I’d had a frigid wife before”.
And like, first of all, ew. What do you mean
frigid wife? What does any of this mean? Ew.
There’s so much more context to that scene
that I wish I could add, but he just felt
very condescending and sexist and placating.
I put the book down and didn’t pick it back
up again. In fact I didn’t pick Kerouac
back up again despite owning like six of his
books. I owned On the Road, Tristessa, A Lonesome
Traveller, Maggie Cassidy and then some that
he co-wrote with William S. Burroughs, one
of those was And the Hippos Were Boiled in
Their Tanks. That’s another thing I should
roast myself about! I bought so many books
by these authors when I didn’t even like
them that much!
I feel like that was part and parcel why I
forced myself to like them. Because otherwise
I’d spent way too much money on books I
did not even like.
This next one is for Chuck Palahniuk’s Survivor,
which I also apparently read in 2015. This
is a book about a guy who is recording his
life story into a plane’s black box before
it crashes into the ocean. He survived a creedish
cult, and so then becomes a celebrity. Let’s
have a look at what 15-year-old me had to
say.
“Oh, Chuck. Where do I start with you?
I loved this book. I really enjoyed reading
it and I loved Palahniuk's writing. Since
then, I've really tried to look closely at
who I read and really examine the kinds of
authors I read. MORE growth, maybe. Maybe
I’m being too harsh on myself. And Palahniuk
has fallen quite low on that list of high-priority
authors. (This is what happens when you say
problematic things, my friend.) // I wonder
what problematic things he said. Hold on.
Let me see if I can find them and then I’ll
talk about it at the end.
Regardless! Let's get on with the review.
I really enjoyed the writing in this book.
The plot was completely bizarre, but I still
remember some of the passages. Some of the
writing was really vivid for me, and conjured
up great (or disturbing) images.
... and yet some of it felt a little bit forced.
I know a lot of people have said this before
- they feel like Chuck can be a little bit
too edgy, and I totally agree. I feel like
his writing is so much sharper, and cleaner
when he writes so much more simply. This is
still one of my favourites that I've read
of his, but I'm pretty sure I won't purchase
any more of his work.
This is tricky to rate. 3-3.5 stars? 3.25
stars?”
I don’t know why I was in such a mood with
all these reviews where I added like .25 or
.5 onto the rating. The premise is compelling
enough. I also remember specific passages
or metaphors from this book as well, which
is promising. There were quite a few well-written,
detailed parts of this book where the author
would meticulously write out the schedule
of the main character as a butler. But, as
someone else said in their review of this
book, I felt, even at 19 and 20, that I was
getting too old to be reading Palahniuk.
Oh, and the problematic thing he said was
that nobody writes men’s books for men anymore,
which is … okay Chuck. Okay. Sure. I find
that so laughable now, good lord. I read two
others of his — Fight Club and Lullaby.
Lullaby is about a man who discovers an ancient
curse that kills people, as well as many other
colourful characters. Fight Club, is, of course,
his most notable work, and probably his best
written, but his work was just way too edgy
for me in the end.
Which sucked, because I had so many of his
books that remained unread past like, page
24. I am also noticing, or remembering that
many of my reviews ended in question marks
when I was young. So much uncertainty. So
many questions of approval.
And look at all these things I grew beyond.
I feel like this wasn’t really a roast.
I’m a very defensive person, that’s probably
why. Also, there’s not really a lot to these
reviews because I couldn’t say what I wanted
to say, on GOODREADS of all places. And that
makes me sad because while we can appreciate
lots of different books for being classics,
this pandering to people that I didn’t even
know.
I thought this was gonna be like a reading
my diary from when I was 12 situation, but
instead I’m remembering all the things I
thought I couldn’t say. Wow maybe there’s
a wider discussion to be had about a young
teen feeling like they have to choose and
enjoy edgy, masculine books over any others.
Also, because I don’t want to leave this
video on a sad note, shortly after reading
all of these books I asked my mum for reading
recommendations.
She recommended I read Daphne du Maurier’s
Rebecca, Jane Austen, the Bronte Sisters,
F. Scott Fitzgerald and lots of others. She
has excellent taste. Also, what a glow up.
I went from using gendered terms like girl
and she/her and now I’m genderqueer.
Have your reading tastes changed since 2009,
2012 and 2015? Let’s talk in the comments
below. Bye everyone!
