

DARE

To be

SUCCESSFUL

A Parable to Find Meaning in Life, Build Self-Confidence, Overcome Low Self-Esteem, Set Goals and

Land Your Dream Job

John Barrett Hawkins

Illustrations by

Miguel Angel Quinteros

© 2013 by John Barrett Hawkins

All rights reserved. The text of this publication, or any part thereof, may not be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher.

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# PART ONE: KNOWING GRACE

Daniel Benson, an eighth-grade Life Science teacher, glanced around his classroom and wondered what happened to the passion he had once held for his work. He entered the teaching profession with high ideals and noble intentions, hoping to make a difference in the lives of young people; yet, after fifteen years of babysitting juvenile delinquents, he had become cynical. He no longer enjoyed his job or cared for the kids with whom he had to deal on a daily basis.

Over the past decade everything had changed. His school, which had once been an ideal learning environment, now reminded him of a war zone or a prison. Windows were secured with iron bars. Guards with metal detectors were posted at every entrance to prevent kids from bringing guns or knives on campus. Teachers feared students who were disrespectful and sometimes even violent. Every year Daniel could rely on being assigned at least one unruly student who would turn his class upside-down and make learning impossible for the other kids.

This year the problem child was Grace Gilmore, a foul-mouthed girl of fourteen with the worst attitude Daniel had ever seen. Grace epitomized everything that troubled him about today's youth. She was overweight; her tongue, nose and eyebrows were pierced; and she wore provocative, revealing clothes that were inappropriate for a girl of any age. Worst of all she covered her body with ugly, sadistic, temporary tattoos. It seemed like every week she would apply some new, tasteless design that Daniel found disturbing.

Daniel was repulsed by Grace's appearance, but what bothered him even more was her behavior. She displayed no interest in learning. It seemed as though the only reason she showed up for Daniel's science class was to create a disturbance and make his life miserable.

During the past five months Grace had been late to class twenty times and was caught ditching on six other occasions. She cheated on her tests, smoked cigarettes in the girls' restroom, slept in class, and deliberately did things to annoy her teacher and the other students. Grace had already been suspended from school twice for fighting and now was associating with the boys from 15th Street, a neighborhood gang that Daniel suspected of engaging in criminal activities.

From Grace's first day in his class, Daniel surmised that she was a bad kid. He did not want her in his classroom. He did not want to look at her. In fact, he did not even want her around the school. Daniel began to search for a reason to have Grace expelled, and it wasn't long before she gave him one.

One afternoon between classes Daniel was standing in the school hallway. He noticed three boys who he suspected to be gang members. To Daniel gang kids were an enigma. The way they dressed, the way they spoke, and the way they carried themselves were very foreign. He did not understand how a sub-culture based on violence, drug use, and other criminal activities had evolved in society or why the government was not doing something more to control it.

Daniel watched as some of the other kids—the "normal" kids—went out of their way to avoid the boys as they walked by. They are afraid, Daniel thought. Then he spotted Grace in the distance. It appeared as though she was up to something. He moved to get a better look. A moment later the three boys changed positions to block his view, but they did not move fast enough. Daniel observed a smaller girl named Tina handing money to Grace and suspected that something was amiss. He started in their direction, but all four kids immediately took off running.

Instead of chasing them, Daniel took the small girl to the office, where they met with the principal and the dean. They asked Tina why she gave Grace money, and she responded by saying that she was actually returning five dollars that Grace had loaned her the previous week. Daniel thought Tina was lying because she feared retribution from Grace and the other gang members. He felt that Tina might open up if he could ensure her safety.

"Tina, we've received two anonymous notes stating that these boys are extorting money from other students," Daniel stated firmly. "But we can't do anything until someone comes forward. Now, I saw what happened. All you need to do is confirm it and all four of those kids will be expelled from the school permanently. They won't hurt you ever again. I promise."

The young girl started crying, and between sobs told them everything. They learned that extortion by the male students had been going on for quite some time and that Grace had recently been recruited to extract money from the girls. One week earlier Grace punched Tina in the stomach and said she would beat her to a bloody mess every day if she did not pay up. Tina knew of at least five other girls who had received the same treatment and reported that all of them gave Grace their lunch money every day. Moreover, Tina said that Grace smoked pot and sold marijuana to other students.

Extortion and drug dealing; the situation was graver than Daniel had imagined. The three men spent some time reviewing Grace's permanent record. She had attended their middle school for more than a year and a half. During that time, her attendance, behavior, and grades had become progressively worse. Now she was a threat to other students. The teacher's next course of action was crystal-clear.

Daniel had Tina sign a sworn statement and filed a police report. Then he spoke to the dean and the principal about having Grace expelled. Her track record spoke for itself. It was obvious that she did not belong with Daniel's good students. She needed to go to a school for troubled youths. The dean accepted Daniel's recommendation for expulsion.

   Prior to Grace's expulsion, Daniel felt obligated to meet with her parents to explain the seriousness of the incident. He went to her home and was surprised to find that it was elegant, well-kept, and in a very good neighborhood. A teenage boy answered the door and led Daniel to the family room. While Daniel waited for Grace's parents, several polite, inquisitive children ranging in age from six to sixteen inquired about Grace. Their concern and affection for her was obvious, and Daniel wondered why Grace had not thrived in such a loving and supportive environment. As the evening unfolded, he learned the source of Grace Gilmore's problems. It was a discovery that would change his life forever.

Grace's mother, Emilee, was in fact her mother by adoption. Emilee told Daniel that Grace came to her family at the age of five as the result of a horrible tragedy. Grace's father, Max Gilmore, was convicted of murdering Grace's birth mother, Kate, and sentenced to death by electrocution. In her will, Kate made it clear that if anything ever happened to her and Max, she wanted her close friend, Emilee, to become Grace's guardian.

Emilee described Grace as a bright, well-behaved little girl who was deeply loved by both of her parents. During the first few years following the tragedy, Emilee and her seven children attempted to fill the void left by the loss of Grace's parents. They embraced Grace and treated her like a member of their family. According to Emilee, young Grace was initially very sad about the loss of her parents, but she possessed an internal resilience that enabled her to endure. She soon adopted Emilee as her mother, and they became inseparable. Grace helped her in the garden, with the housework, shopping and cooking. She was always sitting on Emilee's lap and showering her with hugs of affection.

Grace was equally as close and loving with her new siblings. She and her sisters took classes in ballet and gymnastics and developed a variety of song and dance routines they would perform for their family. Grace was full of life with a gregarious personality to which people were magnetically drawn.

Unfortunately, everything changed shortly after Grace entered middle school. She had recently learned how to surf the Internet, and one day she Googled her birth parents' names. She found a slew of gruesome newspaper articles about her father's trial and conviction, and reading them ripped her apart. The profound shock seemed to sabotage her moral compass. Emilee and her family loved Grace immensely, but were at a loss when it came to understanding how to get her back on track.

After the parent-teacher conference Daniel went for a long walk on the San Diego beach where he grew up. Thinking about Grace Gilmore, he was overwhelmed with feelings of personal guilt. Why had he been so quick to label her as a bad kid? Why had he been so callous toward the girl? Where was his compassion, his ability to become a positive influence in the lives of his students? Daniel faced the harsh realization that somewhere along the way he had lost his gift as a teacher.

D aniel reflected on his life and his chosen profession. When he completed his university education, his intention was to become a high school career counselor. More than anything he wanted to help kids discover a path that would enable them to pursue their passions. Somehow he got sidetracked, and his ambitions were displaced by new priorities.

In college Daniel fell in love with a wonderful woman, got married and quickly had two children. Supporting his family became his primary responsibility. He took the job as a middle school science teacher because it was the only work he could find in education. In the beginning, Daniel appreciated teaching for the sheer sake of teaching. He had always been fascinated by history's great scientists and enjoyed sharing their discoveries with his students.

The turning point came when Daniel was stabbed with a knife by a gang kid while breaking up a fight. A primary artery was cut and Daniel nearly bled to death. During the years that followed, neighborhood gangs became larger and more violent, and the teacher became increasingly despondent. He lost his desire to teach and to make a connection with his students. He also developed an irrational loathing for all inner-city kids, assuming they were part of the gang element that was making his job as a teacher miserable.

The situation with Grace forced Daniel to take a hard look at himself. He was disgusted with what he found. The knifing incident had caused him to acquire some ugly character flaws. Instead of seeing an inner-city kid's best attributes, he saw a future criminal; instead of searching for the reason why a child became a gang member, he automatically dismissed them as bad kids; instead of attempting to help the students who needed him the most, he wanted to send them away to schools for troubled youths. Daniel did not like the man—or the teacher—that he had become, and realized that he needed to make some major changes in his attitude.

A sailboat entered the bay, and it caused Daniel to remember the summer following his high school graduation, a time in his life when helping others came naturally and he was certain that he was destined to become an outstanding teacher. At that point in his life, there was nothing that Daniel loved more than sailing. He began to reminisce, flashing back to the three most memorable months of his youth. With his father's help eighteen-year-old Daniel landed a job as a deck hand aboard the tall ship, _Awakening Grace,_ a boat owned and skippered by Free Spirit, an eccentric, sixty-year-old man of Native American descent.

Free Spirit was a wealthy, retired businessman who devoted all of his time to helping troubled teenagers turn their lives around. Every summer he took ten teenage boys on a three-month sailing voyage where they communed with nature and learned the secrets of his incredible success. The program, called the "Last Chance," was conceived by Free Spirit and a juvenile court judge. The California Youth Authority's detention facilities had become a breeding ground for violent criminals, and the two men developed the program as a proactive rehabilitative alternative to criminal detention for adolescents.

Free Spirit was a direct descendent of a long line of medicine men. In Free Spirit's tribe the medicine man was the spiritual and inspirational leader, and the keeper of knowledge. His personal mission was to teach their ethereal wisdom to at-risk kids. The medicine men had passed down a set of guiding principles called the "Principles of Grace," which when learned and _consciously_ practiced on a daily basis, would enable a person to discover their purpose in life and empower them to achieve their highest potential. He had christened his ship _Awakening Grace_ , because the goal of the Last Chance program was to awaken the grace within the troubled teenagers.

  Free Spirit was the most extraordinary individual Daniel had ever encountered. He reminisced about the day they met and the positive feelings that resulted from the job interview. They spent an entire afternoon together discussing their mutual love of nature, sailing and the Last Chance program.

Daniel specifically recalled Free Spirit telling him: "My forefathers believed that human beings were created in the image of God. As such, we all possess the capacity for genius and divine inspiration. Yet, the actualization of that genius is not guaranteed. What makes it come alive is nobility of the heart.

"Every person was born with special gifts and the potential for greatness. Life's great adventure begins when we recognize that our gifts are for giving. When we use our talents for a noble purpose, we attain _unity consciousness._ In this transcendent state of being, our own consciousness connects with divine consciousness and miraculous things begin to happen. I want to help you develop an understanding that your life has no limits.

"What I will be teaching this summer are principles that will enable you to identify your calling. You are here for a noble purpose. Now is the time to explore your strengths and weaknesses, to expand your imagination of what your ideal life can be, and to acquire the skills required to realize your unique potential."

On Daniel's first day aboard the _Awakening Grace,_ Free Spirit ignited a fire in his new deckhand. Daniel was excited about the knowledge he would gain on his summer job. Of course, he was expected to care for the ship and to teach the boys how to sail, but more importantly Daniel would also be given the responsibility of serving as a mentor. He was expected to learn the Principles of Grace, apply them in his own life, and set an example for the troubled adolescents.

The ten juvenile delinquents that Daniel was expected to mentor had all been convicted of serious crimes. Yet, Free Spirit did not believe that any of them were bad kids. To him there was no such thing as a bad kid. He told Daniel that he suspected most of the boys had some kind of painful experience that caused them to feel unwanted by their peers or unloved by their parents. The need for belonging and appreciation and acceptance was the root cause of their juvenile delinquency.

On the day of their scheduled voyage, Free Spirit gathered the kids on the beach where he had a fire blazing in a sand pit. He addressed the group: "The judge gave each of you the alternative of spending the summer with me on a sailboat, or being incarcerated in a juvenile facility. I have only one requirement. Prior to boarding my vessel, I expect each of you to leave all of your emotional baggage behind. You will be required to participate in a sacred cleansing ceremony called 'burn away the past.'" Free Spirit handed each boy a pen and a notebook as he spoke. "I want you to write down every bad thing that has ever happened to you. Not the reason you were arrested. I don't care about that. I'm talking about events where someone made you feel like you didn't matter, made you feel bad about yourself, hurt your feelings, or physically attacked you. Anything and everything that you wish never occurred. No one will read what you write. When you are done, crumple up the piece of paper and throw it in the fire. We are going to burn away all those terrible memories."

  Each boy staked out his place on the beach and started writing in his notebook. It was not a difficult assignment. In fact, many of the teens liked the idea of burning away their past.

A boy named Tommy wrote about the beatings he got from his alcoholic stepfather. Julio wrote about how his father left home when he was eleven, without even saying goodbye. Jason, who had always been small for his age, remembered all the times he had been picked on by bigger kids. Joey contemplated his mother's suicide and how he always blamed himself for her death. Tayshaun wrote about his mother being a crack whore, and how much he hated her for leaving him at an orphanage. Flacco described the relentless teasing he had endured because he had a speech impediment. Bart wrote about both of his parents being in prison and the many foster homes in which he was forced to live. LeRoy wrote about attending a different school every year of his childhood and not having any friends because his father was in the military. Bobby thought about the favoritism that his parents showed to his brother, who was a straight-A student, and about feeling stupid because Bobby got poor grades in school. Frank remembered the way his neighbor had sexually abused him. Frank wrote a fake story because he didn't want anyone to know about the abuse.

When all of the boys had completed the assignment, Free Spirit instructed them to toss their pieces of paper into the fire and say, "Today I burn away the past and begin a new life."

On their first night aboard _Awakening Grace_ the weathered sea captain gathered the youngsters on deck and told them the true story of Evgeny Kissin, the most famous musical prodigy of the present generation. From the age of one, young Evgeny could hum Bach melodies in perfect pitch; at six the child genius wrote his first symphony, and by thirteen he was performing in sold-out concert halls around the world.18

Then Free Spirit referenced a medical text and explained to his charges how no child's brain could develop fast enough to accomplish these amazing feats. So what was the secret of Evgeny Kissin's extraordinary talents? Where did the intelligence come from? According to Free Spirit's ancestors, the medicine men, there is something called "Universal Intelligence" that is the source of all knowledge, creativity and inspiration. This intelligence is pervasive throughout nature. It is present in all things—the earth, the animals, the plants, the water, the wind, and the cosmos, and it interconnects all living things at its source.

The medicine men's central belief is that our universe functions on a principle of unity, and they teach that every human being is born with unique talents and passions. When those innate abilities are expressed in a way that brings value or service to others (i.e. to promote unity), we connect with the Universal Intelligence, and it begins to guide our way.19 Evgeny Kissin became a musical genius, because he discovered his talent at a very young age, nurtured his gifts, and pursued his purpose in life with passion every day. As a result, a direct channel to the Universal Intelligence was opened to him, and incredible things began to happen.

"Just like Evgeny Kissin there is a genius inside each of you. There is something special that you were born to do," Free Spirit told the boys. "This summer you will learn twelve principles which will empower you to define that genius, and develop a future vision of the type of man you are capable of becoming."

The captain was a natural-born storyteller who drew on his personal experiences to illustrate the power of each principle. When he spoke of his tribe's wisdom, the air was infused with a sense of mystery, wonder, and awe. Free Spirit was clearly a man who believed in miracles. He told the stories of his life in dazzling detail and cast a spell of inspiration that made everyone on board feel as though they could accomplish anything to which they set their minds.

T he Last Chance program provided the adolescents with a great deal of structure and discipline. Clear expectations were given to the kids from the very beginning, and Free Spirit enforced the ship's rules in a fair and sensitive manner. Daily sailing adventures presented substantial challenges and required a sustained team effort. The sense of accomplishment the boys got from mastering these difficult challenges helped them develop personal self-confidence and a healthy respect for the contribution of others.

During the evenings Free Spirit gathered the youngsters on deck and taught them the Principles of Grace. The first two principles _connect with your purpose in life_ and _connect with a meaningful vocation,_ encouraged the boys to give serious consideration to the type of person they would like to be when they grew up. A series of written exercises focused on exploring and defining their individual interests and talents. They were encouraged to identify their skills and desires and to consider altruistic ways of using them.

The third principle, _develop unity consciousness,_ at first seemed mysterious to the young lads, and the fourth, _connect with your intuitive intelligence,_ was equally mystifying. Free Spirit explained, "The word 'unity' means oneness and 'consciousness' is awareness of your thoughts. Therefore, 'unity consciousness' is about disciplining yourself to have harmonious thoughts about everything in the universe. This all-loving state of being ignites your intuition and your inner genius. You'll become more creative, have hunches or insights, and be blessed with epiphanies. You will begin to recognize meaningful coincidences and discern a pattern of events related to your goals. That's your intuitive intelligence providing direction.

"Another important Principle of Grace is _believe in yourself and believe in your divinity_. Albert Einstein once said, 'I just want to think like God.' That's what happens when you believe that you are a divine being with divine capabilities. Brilliant ideas and spiritual guidance are your birthrights. We are all capable of tapping into God's Universal Intelligence; the key that unlocks the door is noble intention. Selfishness or a sense of self-importance cuts off the flow of intelligence.33 The heart is the conduit between the spiritual realm and the physical realm. It's about discovering what it is that you are passionate about and focusing that passion on serving God's creations — the environment, the animals, or other people. It's about developing nobility of the heart.

"To become successful you must also learn to _develop persistence and adaptability._ Having a future vision for your life is only the first step. In order to fulfill your ambitions you must develop an ongoing commitment and simmering determination. It's about giving your best every day. Even then you are likely to encounter rejections, setbacks, and disappointments. Here is where adaptability comes in. The great achievers develop problem-solving skills that enable them to overcome adversity and challenges.

"Peak performance demands that you also _connect with your cellular intelligence._ When your body functions at peak efficiency, your mind functions at a higher level, and you have more energy to pursue your dreams. Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and illegal drugs. Maintain a healthy bodyweight by eliminating man-made foods from your diet. Eat mostly foods found in nature, and exercise for an hour daily."

The next two principles, _cultivate positive energy_ and _eliminate negative energy_ , taught the boys to become conscious of every choice they make. The wise medicine man explained that our choices function like magnets in that negative choices will draw negative experiences into our lives, and positive choices will attract the people and circumstances needed to achieve our goals in life.34

The skipper used a navigation anecdote when explaining the importance of the next principle, _mapping the journey;_ "If you want to reach a specific destination on your life's journey, you must first plot a course. On most sailing voyages, the currents and the winds can change unexpectedly and you will encounter unforeseen challenges. In order to reach your destination, you must constantly revise your course, become one with the ebb and flow of nature and embrace all adversity. Expect your plans to change and learn from your challenges."

When speaking about the _connect with others_ principle, Free Spirit shared the medicine man's belief that all of humanity is deeply interconnected. He encouraged the boys to seek out an influential mentor in their field of choice and to also mentor others who may need their help. Finally, he wanted them to learn the principle _embrace the journey_ and to understand that a successful life is not defined by the attainment of goals or possessions, but by the integrity of the journey and the relationships they develop along the way.

As the weeks passed, Daniel and the rest of the crew became increasingly fascinated by their captain's belief system. They spent their days sailing, working on the boat, and learning to _consciously_ apply this newfound wisdom. In time the unruly group of boys whom Daniel had overheard talking about rap music, violence and crime were looking inward, focusing on discovering their innate talents and wondering what their own heroic missions might be. Free Spirit's stories and the lessons he taught made an indelible impression on everyone aboard _Awakening Grace._

A big part of Daniel's job aboard the vessel was to teach the youngsters how to sail, and to his surprise he found that he was fairly good at it. During the first couple of weeks he taught them how to tie knots, weigh the anchor, and reef the sails. Once they mastered these basic responsibilities, he moved on to the more complex functions of manning the helm, tacking, and navigation. Observing the boys' progress, the other three deckhands acknowledged Daniel's skill as an instructor, his patience, and how much the kids seemed to admire him. In his role as sailing instructor Daniel felt a sense of inner confidence and pride that he had never known before.

Free Spirit also recognized Daniel's leadership and teaching abilities and rewarded his fine efforts by allowing him to skipper the _Awakening Grace_ in a race against three other tall ships. The seventy-mile race from one island to another promised to be one of the most exciting days of Daniel's life. Prior to pulling up the anchor, he gathered the miscreant crew on deck for a rousing pep talk and to explain their various assignments.

"Aye, aye, Captain!" the boys shouted in unison, acknowledging that their sailing instructor was indeed a worthy leader.

The other three ships in the race, the _Nina_ , the _Pinta_ and the _Santa Maria,_ were replicas from Christopher Columbus' famous voyage. They were built for trade wind sailing, and the race started with ideal conditions, enabling them to take an early advantage. The _Awakening Grace_ performed best when the wind was abeam (coming across the side of the ship), and Daniel said a silent prayer, hoping it would change direction. About an hour later the wind did change direction, but it was only abeam momentarily, on its way to a complete head wind. This development presented new challenges and opportunities for the sailors of the _Awakening Grace._

Sailing vessels cannot sail directly into the wind but must tack back and forth across it to move in a forward direction. The lead ship chose a long tack at seventy-five degrees off the headwind. Initially, Daniel followed its course and was pleased to reach a speed of six knots, but he quickly realized that he was not gaining enough distance. Then Daniel considered a short tack strategy. This plan would take his vessel twenty degrees closer to the wind and would cut several miles off their journey, but it would cost him two knots of speed; it was a risky play. Sailing closer to the wind was a more direct route to their destination, but the slower speed left little room for error. The strategy would require expert helmsman ship and precision teamwork. Before deciding whether or not to take the risk, Daniel asked Max, a boy with extraordinary math skills, to determine whether the new course would get them to the finish line faster. A few moments later Max emerged from the navigation room with a huge smile. "We might just beat them!" he exclaimed.

For the next sixteen hours, Daniel steered the ship and barked out orders. Amazingly, after just ten weeks of training, the troubled youths proved that they were up to the challenge. They won the race, and in so doing, learned valuable lessons about teamwork and creating synergy. It was an exciting conclusion to a summer adventure that had been rewarding—physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually—to everyone aboard the _Awakening Grace._

As the summer waned to an end, Daniel became more introspective. He spent a lot of time thinking about the meaning of his own life and gave careful consideration to choosing a college major. Then early one morning, as he watched the sunrise, Daniel found himself reflecting on his ten weeks aboard the _Awakening Grace._

His favorite part of the Last Chance program was an exercise called the "Circle of Love." The entire crew assembled on deck in a circle. Then one of the boys was called to the center, and the rest of the crew took turns talking about his attributes. One at a time the other crew members spoke about the boy in the center's acts of kindness, the wonderful things about his personality, his strengths and his good deeds. No one was allowed to utter one negative remark about the boy in the center.36 Then, after every conceivable positive comment they could think of had been made, the boys would be left alone with a simple instruction. They were told to develop a future vision of themselves in which they used their passions and talents to enrich the lives of others. Free Spirit's ancestors called this a "vision quest."

The day after the race Daniel was surprised to find himself in the center of the Circle of Love and even more surprised to hear what others thought of him. One by one the youngsters expressed their admiration.

Tommy said, "You have incredible patience and humility. When I couldn't understand how to tie a square knot and the other boys were teasing me, you admitted that it took you three months to learn that silly knot and then spent hours helping me."

Julio said, "I liked it when, after the race, you gave all the credit to your crew. We worked hard and you let all the other captains know it."

Jason said, "I think you're a great teacher...not just about sailing, but also with school stuff."

Joey said, "I think you're a great teacher, too. You're very generous with your time. Every evening, even when you were tired, you helped me learn how to read."

Tayshaun said, "You're really friendly and easy to talk to. Whenever I needed advice you were always there for me."

Flacco said, "You're fun to be around. You tell funny jokes and always make us laugh."

  Bart said, "You have incredible discipline. Every day you do what you say you are going to do. I realize what a good example this has been for me."

LeRoy said, "You have a lot of knowledge for your age. Whenever anyone has a question, you seem to know the answer."

Bobby said, "You're an inspiring mentor. I like how you took the time to learn the Principles of Grace and taught them to us by example."

Frank said, "When we go home, I'm going to miss you so much. You're like the big brother I never had. You've taught me so much this summer."

The outpouring of positive comments unleashed a torrent of emotion. As he left the Circle of Love, Daniel was sobbing uncontrollably as tears of joy rolled down his face.

Then, Free Spirit said simply, "With great gifts comes great responsibility," and he sent him on a vision quest.

During his vision quest Daniel recalled something else his captain had said: "You'll know your purpose in life when you find yourself doing something that you love, and at the same time find yourself serving others."32 At that moment Daniel realized that he felt most purposeful and fulfilled when he was teaching the kids how to sail or helping them with their schoolwork. That morning Daniel connected with his future vision, promising himself: "I'm going to be the greatest, most inspirational teacher who ever lived."

On Daniel's last day aboard the _Awakening Grace_ , Free Spirit held a graduation ceremony. Every member of the crew was given 12 handwritten scrolls that contained the timeless wisdom of the medicine men. Daniel was the last person to leave the boat. Upon handing him the scrolls, Free Spirit gave a final instruction.

"The key to success in life is ongoing personal development. Each generation is responsible for upgrading the Principles of Grace and sharing their discoveries with other people."

Grace Gilmore's situation and his rush to judge her caused Daniel to spend the entire night thinking about his summer aboard the _Awakening Grace_ , his lofty dreams, and his teaching ambitions. He wanted to recapture that passion and to fulfill the idealistic course he had charted so many years ago. Before leaving the beach, Daniel renewed a promise to himself. He vowed to _eliminate negative energy,_ his own poor attitude and preconceived notions about others, and to perceive only the highest potential in all of his students. He _connected with his intuition_ , acknowledging that Grace's problems were identical in nature to those of the troubled youths he had taught to sail that summer. Daniel even considered the possibility that her name, Grace, was a meaningful coincidence—some sort of sign meant to help him get back on course.

Daniel changed his mind about having Grace expelled from school. Now, more than anything else, he wanted to help her. He decided that for the remainder of the school year he would put aside the life science textbooks and teach his students the twelve principles that had once inspired him to pursue his own highest potential. The time had come for Daniel to teach the Principles of Grace.

# PART two: TEACHING GRACE

The challenge of helping one young girl turn her life around lit a fire within Daniel. For the first time in many years he became excited about his work. He reconnected with his passion for teaching and was granted a limitless flow of new ideas. Instead of regurgitating the same old boring curriculum, he felt compelled to explore, innovate, and ignite the imaginations of his students.

As punishment for the stealing incident, Daniel required that Grace stay after school for two hours of detention every Friday for the remaining fourteen weeks of the school year. During these sessions, Daniel offered Grace a preview of the lectures he had planned for the following week and asked her for feedback. Daniel hoped the extra exposure would influence Grace to become interested in eventually learning the Principles of Grace and applying them to her life.

He also convinced a juvenile court judge to sentence Grace to forty hours of community service at the Touch Outreach Foundation, an organization that provided free massage therapy for terminally ill children. His motives were threefold: First, he wanted to get her away from the other gang members during the problematic after-school hours. Second, he remembered Free Spirit saying that one of the best ways to overcome depression was to find someone in need of help and help that person in any way you can. Third, Emilee had mentioned that Grace would not allow anyone to hug her. Daniel knew that she needed some human contact in her life, and the foundation would give her free massage therapy for helping out. At first Grace was opposed to working, but she begrudgingly accepted the position when she found out her only responsibility was organizing games and other entertainment activities for the children while they were in the waiting room.

During their first Friday detention session Daniel told Grace about his summer aboard the _Awakening Grace_ , his mentor Captain Free Spirit, and how the wisdom of the medicine men had inspired him to become a Life Science teacher. In college, Daniel became fascinated by the uncanny parallels that existed between the life sciences and the Native Americans' central belief that the universe functions as a single organism. He studied a wide variety of subjects and learned that the medicine men's concept of a circle of life and the principle of unity are fundamental teachings in modern science.

Daniel also discovered numerous books describing techniques that people could use to pursue purpose in life and fulfill their ambitions. He related Free Spirit's final instruction: "The secret to success in life is ongoing personal development. Each generation is responsible for upgrading the Principles of Grace and sharing their discoveries with other people." As a young man Daniel had taken this assignment seriously. He had written a doctoral thesis that compared the Principles of Grace with the wisdom literature of many contemporary authors. The comparative study had fueled Daniel's own passion for personal development as he discovered a treasure trove of wisdom and knowledge. Thus, Daniel began to teach the Principles of Grace in the way he best understood them — through the writings of the authors he admired most.

During the detention period Daniel attempted to make a connection with Grace, sharing stories from his life and encouraging her to discover her own sense of purpose. Unfortunately, it seemed to him that his initial efforts fell on deaf ears. Grace thought Mr. Benson was the most boring person on the planet and hated the idea of spending so much time with him. His stories were ridiculous, and he droned on and on about things that did not interest her; but Grace did not want to leave all her friends and attend a school for troubled youths, so she pretended to take notes while he was talking and occasionally humored him with a question about the wisdom of the medicine men.

Daniel had Grace copy quotes from several authors onto the classroom blackboard. Then he explained how the universe functions on a principle of unity by reading a passage from the book _Acknowledge the Wonder,_ by Frances Wosmek: "Everything in the universe, including our physical bodies, is comprised of atoms. The atom is a dynamic bundle of energy that consists of vibration and harmonic relations. Each atom broadcasts unique patterns of tones — music — that is in rhythm with the vibrations of the universe, like an infinite symphony. Expanding our vision of the universe, we can see that the sweeping movements of the gigantic galaxies are just as faithful to their own particular rhythms as are the atoms of a smallness equally incomprehensible. So precisely timed are the cyclic rhythms of those great cosmic communities and the bodies within them that the path of one hardly ever interferes with that of another. Within the larger rhythm of the galaxies, individual suns and planets with spins, rhythms, and oscillations of their own are each adding notes to the complex harmony of the whole."80

Daniel then referred to the quotes on the blackboard as he explained the theory of unity consciousness to Grace. "The atoms that make up your physical body are held together by an electro- _magnetic_ field that is part of the earth's electromagnetic field. When viewed through a quantum microscope, our physical reality is seen as an endless continuum of intimately interconnected electromagnetic fields, and all humans are enmeshed within the continuum. A person who has attained unity consciousness recognizes that his own consciousness connects with and affects the whole continuum. Thus, all of his thoughts and intentions focus on expressions of unity such as love, empathy, sharing, and compassion. It is important to understand that your electro _magnetic_ field is a magnet. In a very real sense whatever intentions you send out into the world — either positive or negative — come back to you."

Grace couldn't believe that her teacher expected her to learn all of that scientific mumbo jumbo. As he spoke, she daydreamed about her newfound friends who were members of the 15th Street gang. Grace had met them at Columbia Park a month earlier. The boys flirted with her, making her feel attractive. They drove boss low-rider cars, had their own lingo, and they had respect. Nobody dared mess with them. Grace thought the girls who dated them were cool. She loved their fashion, the way they did their makeup, and the way they wore their hair. Grace longed to be like them, and when the boys asked if she wanted to smoke a joint with them, she said, "Sure."

Grace had never previously smoked marijuana. Her first hit off the joint was memorable in that it caused her to cough uncontrollably. The other kids got a big laugh from her naiveté. Grace enjoyed getting high from the beginning because it enabled her to blunt the painful emotions associated with her parents' terrible deaths. She also enjoyed the attention she got from the boys in the gang. Grace had always been teased by other kids because she was overweight. She had never been asked out on a date and had never even been kissed. She thought she was ugly, but that changed when she met Bobby Diaz, who the other gang members called "Sly" or "Big Homie."

Sly was the unquestionable leader of the 15th Street gang. It was a status he earned on the merits of his superior fighting skills. He was handsome, suave, and charismatic. He was also an unscrupulous drug dealer, a 17-year-old high school dropout who thought of himself as a slick entrepreneur. Sly was a ladies' man who used his considerable charms to manipulate teenage girls. Grace fell for him immediately. Within a week Sly had Grace selling pot at her junior high school. Grace was unaware of the fact that Sly had induced several girls at other schools to do the same thing. She also didn't know that he planned to do something perverted and sinister to her.

The next week Daniel had Grace put six separate quotes on the classroom blackboard which conveyed the medicine men's most fundamental teaching: Every person is born with unique gifts and passions, and when those innate abilities are used for the higher purpose of unity, they connect with the Universal Intelligence. This connection is frequently experienced as a receiving of new insights, epiphanies, and greater creativity and is commonly known as a state of grace.23 The connecting link between human energy and the divine energy of the spiritual realm is the emotions of the heart — love, passion, and compassion. The sparks that activate the connecting link are meaningful and noble intentions which draw divine energy into our lives.

"Each and every one of you has natural talents, something you are good at or passionate about. Your assignment right now is to tell me what you love to do, or what your special gift is," Daniel said to the class. Then he began calling upon the students, and one by one they answered.

Tommy: "I'm captain of the swim team. I'm a fast swimmer and a good teammate."

Sandy: "It's embarrassing to say, but knitting. My grandmother taught me when I was five years old and I still enjoy it more than anything."

Frank: "I'm good at math. I don't know why. It's just easy and I always get A's."

Grace: "I don't know."

Daniel was not going to allow Grace to simply duck the assignment. He said, "Give it some thought, Grace. It can be anything you enjoy doing or something that comes naturally to you. Your mother told me that you used to like helping her in the garden. That's a natural talent."

Suddenly, all of the other students were staring at Grace, and she wasn't happy about it. "My mother's dead," she fired back quickly. "So, unless your Principles of Grace empower you to talk to dead people, I don't know what you're talking about."

Daniel was stunned by her remark. Before he could formulate a response, Grace spoke again.

"I don't have any natural talents. Maybe I'm not special like the other kids."

She pretended to wipe a tear from her eye, then winked at her friends. They cracked up laughing, and the rest of the class quickly followed suit.

In the heat of the moment, Daniel surprised everyone in the classroom, including himself, by _reframing the adversity._ Instead of seeing only Grace's blatant disrespect, he looked deeper, realizing that the young girl was confident, quick-witted, and in complete control of the room. "Grace," he said, "you have just single-handedly disrupted my lesson for the day and elicited a laugh from every student in the class. That is undeniably a special talent. My question is, can you utilize your outgoing personality in a more positive manner? You are a bright young lady with unlimited potential."

The bell rang, ending class. Grace was relieved. She didn't want to interact with Mr. Benson at all. It was becoming increasingly obvious that her goofy science teacher was taking a special interest in her, and she was beginning to think she might have to do something about the problem.

Daniel was completely oblivious to Grace's disdain. For him, the new teaching format was a revelation. He enjoyed revisiting the science that he found so fascinating during college, and was pleased to find himself drawing upon the Principles of Grace in the classroom setting. He hadn't yet made the breakthrough he was looking for with Grace, but he felt confident that it would happen as she began to apply the Principles of Grace.

The lesson plan for the following week focused on how the students could channel their natural talents and passions into a meaningful career. Daniel invited a series of guests to speak to the class. A man who excelled in math talked about engineering; a park ranger discussed his love of nature; and a woman who was passionate about shoes told the class about her career as a shoe designer. One speaker, an anthropologist, concluded his speech with a quote from Joseph Campbell, a respected professor and historian of mythology: "Any life career you choose should invoke a feeling of love and enable you to live in harmony with your inner self."13

Daniel designed a series of homework assignments that forced his students to look inward to contemplate their futures. During this exercise, one boy who loved baseball, but suffered from a physical handicap, realized that his aptitude for math could enable him to become a baseball statistician. A girl who was passionate about cooking envisioned herself as a chef in a fancy restaurant or maybe even the host of her own cooking show. Another young girl, who enjoyed going to art exhibits but did not have sufficient talent as an artist, discovered that she could immerse herself in the art world as an agent, a broker, or even a museum curator.

The class also learned about the medicine men's tradition of sending adolescents on a vision quest. As a way of helping them discover their purpose in life, the young braves were sent out alone into the wilderness. They were instructed to clear their minds of all thoughts and wait for the Universal Intelligence to tell them who they were and what their life's mission would be. Only after receiving an epiphany would they be allowed to return to the tribe.

Daniel arranged a field trip to the beach where he intended to guide his students through their own personal vision quest. He gave each student a notebook that included the Principles of Grace syllabus and all of the homework assignments, and he encouraged them to write about their career aspirations. In the serenity of nature, Daniel taught his students how to meditate — to clear their minds of all thoughts. He described a type of meditation called "Jappa" that was known to inspire divine revelations. Jappa meditation involves chanting "ah," which is the root sound of the word "God" in nearly every spiritual tradition (Allah, Buddha, Ra, Jehovah, Krishna, Yahweh, God).33 According to ancient spiritual teachings, the "ah" vibration is God's frequency.

Daniel reminded the class of a previous lecture, when he taught them that everything in the universe is comprised of energy and vibrations. Then he instructed the class to put their hands over their hearts and say "ah."

"Do you feel the vibration in your chest?" Daniel asked.

_Yes,_ Grace thought, but she still had no clue as to what her teacher was babbling about. To Grace, everything that Mr. Benson taught was scientific gobbledygook.

Daniel further instructed the students to say a silent prayer for the vision and wisdom to use their talents and passion for the higher purpose of unity. He asked all of the students to chant "ah" simultaneously.

Grace thought the meditation exercise was a waste of time. As the other kids attempted to quiet their minds, Grace reminisced about her first date with Sly. He had taken her to a secluded beach, where he laid out a blanket and introduced her to heroin. After getting high they made out and engaged in pillow talk. To Grace's surprise, Sly was a perfect gentleman. All he did was kiss

her and shower her with compliments. Sly drove her home before dark. He asked Grace if she would be his girlfriend, and she said, "Yes." Prior to leaving, Sly gave Grace a small bag of heroin so that she could get high whenever she desired. What Grace did not know was that Sly was a predator and she was his prey. Sly was a boy with deep psychological problems; he got off on sexually abusing young girls. He was a master manipulator who was motivated by ego gratification. As the leader of a wolf pack, nothing made Sly feel better than to deliver a fresh virgin to his sex-crazy homeboys.

Sly's seductions began with smoking and selling pot, which lowered the girls' inhibitions and gave them the pocket money that every teenager craves. His objective was to get them addicted to pot, then introduce harder drugs, including heroin,

PCP, and crack cocaine. The girls were also pampered in exciting new ways: cruising in a low-rider, attending parties, and hanging out with the so-called "cool kids." Once the girls were hooked on drugs and the lifestyle, Sly told them they had to be initiated into the gang or they would be cut off. The initiation for a boy was to be rat-packed — beaten down and kicked mercilessly by all of the other gang members. For the girls the initiation involved being gangbanged — having sexual intercourse with every boy in the gang, one after another. Grace had no idea that Sly and his homies were plotting this. She thought that he liked her and wanted her to be his girlfriend.

Daniel was unaware of Grace's extracurricular activities or the treacherous people who planned to harm her. He continued to focus his attention on teaching the Principles of Grace. The following week's lesson plan was devoted to developing a blueprint for the life's journey of each of the students. Daniel instructed them to write about everything they hoped to accomplish in their lifetimes. He advised his students to be very specific and referred to an illustrative story about the actor Jim Carrey. In the early stages of his career, when Carrey struggled to find work, his father was always there to provide emotional support. He encouraged Jim to keep pursuing his dreams in spite of numerous rejections and setbacks. Unfortunately, Jim's father passed away before Jim realized his dream. At his father's funeral, Carrey wrote himself a check for ten million dollars "for acting services" and placed it in his father's casket. A few years later he was paid exactly that amount for the role he played in _Dumb & Dumber_.

Daniel also encouraged the kids to develop a regular practice of visualizing the future they wanted to create. He told them about the work of Dr. Charles Garfield, a NASA psychiatrist who developed an extensive study of peak performance. Garfield found that almost all successful businessmen and world-class athletes use visualization; they see, feel, and experience success in their minds before they attain it.79 From that day Daniel began each class with ten minutes of silence so that his students could develop a daily practice of visualization. The students learned that by relentlessly repeating their visualizations, they were planting seeds in their consciousness that would help them stay focused on achieving their goals.

The first time Daniel asked his students to do the visualization exercise, Grace put her head on the desk and slept for an hour. Daniel didn't wake her, but when the period ended he held her after class to discuss her behavior.

"Grace," he began, "ten minutes to visualize your future does _not_ mean naptime."

"I was visualizing," Grace replied. "But I fell asleep because my future is very boring."

Again with the sarcasm, Daniel thought. Grace possessed a quick wit that was used primarily as a defense mechanism. To Daniel, she was a complete enigma. He was at a loss when

trying to reach her, and he wasn't sure how to approach the situation. He didn't want to punish her with additional detention sessions; he preferred to attempt to find out what was going on in her head.

"Tell me what you were visualizing," he said.

This query caught Grace off guard because she in fact _had_ been visualizing before she fell asleep. She just didn't want her teacher to know that it concerned Sly. Grace had been thinking about her second date with Sly. They had gone cruising in his low-rider and then parked at a spot with a remarkable view of the city. They got high on heroin again and made out. Like before, Sly was a perfect gentleman; yet, when he took her home that evening, he asked Grace if she was ready to sleep with him. Grace answered yes, because she knew that sex was a given with a gang member like Sly. She had been visualizing how romantic her first time might be. In her vision there were rose petals on the bed, candlelight, soft music, and Sly being a tender and caring lover. "Some things are private," Grace told her teacher defensively. "I don't like you prying into my personal life. You're just a science teacher and it's none of your business."

Later that day Sly picked up Grace from her after-school job at the Touch Outreach Foundation and took her to a remote area of Columbia Park that was closed during the winter months. After parking, they had to hop a fence and walk for ten minutes through the woods to a campground sector which Sly called "the shack" because it was where the kids went to shack up. There were picnic tables, barbeque pits, and a public restroom. All ten boys from the gang were already there, along with many of the teenage girls they hung out with, and a 15-year-old girl named Hanna, whom Grace had never met. They had a fire blazing in one of the barbeque pits, and were drinking and listening to rap music on a boom box. It was a fun party, but Grace could only stay for a couple of hours because she had a curfew. When Sly took her home, he gave Grace more heroin.

Sly returned to the party. He and his homeboys took Hanna into the shack — the public restroom where they initiated her into the gang. All ten boys had their way with her on a dingy, blood-stained mattress they had strewn on the restroom floor. The sadistic ritual lasted for several hours. Many of the boys had sex with Hanna two or three times. Between turns they gave Hanna PCP and hits off a heroin pipe. Hanna was so high that she was incoherent at times, flashing in and out of consciousness. The gang members were completely out of control; they even used a broomstick and soda bottle on her. It was savage — and Sly loved every moment. He looked at Hanna's once innocent face and saw that she was crying. Her psyche had been broken. She would never be the same. Sly smiled to himself. It was the moment he had been waiting for.

At their Friday detention session Daniel had Grace put new information on the classroom blackboard, which pertained to the Connect With Your Cellular Intelligence principle. Daniel estimated Grace to be about 30 pounds overweight. He wanted to offer her some guidance in the area of weight loss, but at the same time didn't wish to offend her. He decided to broach the subject in a subtle way from the perspective of the Principles of Grace concept.

"Grace, I'd like for you to recall a previous lecture I gave that described everything in the universe as energy," he began. "This principle also holds true for the food we eat. If you look up the word 'calorie' in the dictionary, you will see that it is defined as a unit of energy. The energy actually comes from the sun and is absorbed by plants.5 We get the energy by either consuming the plants directly or by eating the animals who fed on the plants. When we eat too much in one sitting, extra calories are stored in the fat cells. So, you can think of body fat as your body's backup supply of energy.

"If a person wants to lose weight they must create a negative energy balance that forces the body to burn fat for fuel. This involves simply staying active to burn more energy, or consuming less energy by choosing low calorie foods. Most man-made, processed foods are loaded with calories, yet have little nutritional value. I've noticed that you eat a lot of chips and cookies. If you want your body to perform at peak efficiency, you should try to eliminate those foods from your diet."

"So what?" Grace replied incredulously. "Now you are telling me what to eat?"

"No, I'm not telling you what to eat. I'm trying to teach you basic nutrition principles and the direct relationship between food and how your body performs. If you develop better eating habits, you will lose weight and have more energy to pursue your goals in life."

"Are you calling me fat?" Grace exploded. "I can't believe you are calling me fat! You are the meanest teacher I've ever had! Why do you always pick on me? Why do you hate me?"

Grace put her head on the desk and started sobbing.

The outburst left Daniel speechless. He hadn't called this young girl fat...or had he? No. Daniel was certain he had approached the subject tactfully. He began to feel a surge of anxiety as he wondered why every well-meaning intention he had with Grace blew up. Why did she have so much animosity toward him? Daniel was distraught. He closed his eyes for a few minutes and breathed deeply to calm his nerves. When he opened his eyes, Grace was gone.

Daniel gazed out the classroom window. He saw Grace getting into a low-rider car and suspected that her outburst and crying were nothing more than a ruse to escape detention. Daniel's sense of disappointment quickly morphed into concern as he got a clear look at the boy who was behind the wheel. It was Sly. Daniel had a sinking feeling that something dreadful was going to happen to Grace. Initially, he dismissed the notion, believing that his premonition had been prompted by his distaste for her associate. He tried to stop thinking about her, but violent images continued to flood his mind. On some level, Daniel knew that Grace was in danger, and he turned out to be correct.

At that moment, Sly was taking Grace to the shack where all of the homeboys were eagerly anticipating the gangbang they had planned for Grace. On the drive to Columbia Park, Sly told Grace about the initiation. At first she was aghast, but Sly told her that all the girls did it, and named several older girls that Grace knew and admired.

Sly continued his sales pitch. "Most of the girls say it was the greatest sexual experience of their lives. You are my girlfriend and I want your first time to be special. In the beginning it will only be you and me. Then you have to let all of the other homies have a go."

Initially Grace refused. Then, when they arrived at Columbia Park and parked the car, Sly changed his approach. He pulled out a baggy filled with heroin, and a glass pipe. He took a hit so Grace could smell the drug's aroma, but he didn't give her any.

"Grace, I'm in love with you and I want you to be my girlfriend. But I can't be with you if you are not in the gang. This sex thing with the homies is just a one-time thing. It's an initiation. You have to prove your love for the hood just like Angela, Christie, Marissa, and Hanna did. That's just the way it is. I might be the Big Homie, but I can't change the rules. Once you do it, you are in for life. Then whatever is mine is yours." He tapped the bag of heroin with his fingers and concluded, "I've always got it, so you will always have it. If you say yes, we can blaze out right now. If you get really high, I promise that you will enjoy it. If your answer is no, then I have to take you home, and you can't hang out with any of us again. It's up to you."

Grace had been getting high on heroin every day for the past two weeks. As Sly had planned, she was hooked and was currently experiencing withdrawals. Grace did not want to stop using heroin, nor did she want to stop hanging out with the kids from the 15th Street gang. Most of all, she did not want to lose Sly. He was the only boy who ever really liked her. Finally, Grace agreed to the gang initiation.

Sly gave Grace a big hug and a kiss. He handed her the pipe and allowed her to smoke as much heroin as she wanted. After getting high, they left the car and headed for the shack.

Meanwhile, Daniel had acted on his gut feeling that something terrible was going to happen to Grace. He had rushed out of the classroom and arrived at the school parking lot just as Sly was driving away with Grace. He hurried to his car and attempted to follow them, but Daniel couldn't catch up. Sly's car was over a block ahead when Daniel saw him make a left turn at a stoplight. Daniel lost them in traffic, but he did not stop searching.

Sly and Grace hopped the fence and made the ten-minute walk through the woods to the campground area where the other homies were waiting for them. Sly told them that he and Grace were going into the shack alone at first, but that "it's on." The other gang members began to catcall at Grace, telling her that she was hot, whistling and saying sexual things they planned to do to her. Grace became apprehensive. Her instincts told her not to go through with it, yet she was so high that she couldn't think clearly.

Sly led Grace into the public restroom. It was dirty and smelled like rotting food. Grace saw the decrepit mattress on the floor and cringed. Sly sensed her fear and went to his secret weapon — the heroin pipe.

Daniel continued to hunt for Grace. Eventually he drove through Columbia Park and discovered Sly's car. Daniel parked and began to search for Grace on foot. He knew that something was wrong and felt a compelling need to find her.

But Daniel was too late. At that very moment Grace was having sex with Sly. It was nothing like she imagined. It wasn't romantic, and it was not pleasurable. In fact, it was quite painful. Grace closed her eyes tightly and hoped that the ordeal would be over quickly. When Sly finished, Grace opened her eyes and was startled to see that all the other gang members were now in the restroom. Some of the boys had stripped down to their boxers and others were completely naked and touching themselves.

"I'm next," a 15-year-old kid named Bugsy said as he mounted her.

Grace felt every muscle in her body tense. She closed her eyes and attempted to disassociate herself from what was happening. The sex was too painful. She wanted to scream out, but didn't because she wanted to prove she was strong enough to be in the gang. Grace needed to demonstrate her love for the hood.

When Bugsy was done, another boy named Gangster got on top of her. The physical pain intensified. As she clenched her eyes to fight back the tears, Grace heard a voice inside her head say, " _This is wrong, this is wrong..."_ over and over again.

Grace opened her eyes and was repulsed by the scene. Two of the boys were shooting up heroin, and others were masturbating. Her eyes focused on Sly. He was laughing and cutting it up with Bugsy. The moment became surreal as everything around her went silent and seemed to vanish. The only thing that existed was Sly's conversation, and Grace heard every word.

"Grace is a bag whore, just like the rest of them. After all the homies get their freak on, I'm going to kick her to the curb."

In that instant Grace perceived Sly for who he really was — a low-life, scumbag drug dealer who had deceived and manipulated her. She also realized what she had become — a heroin addict who would do anything to get high.

"Get off me!" Grace suddenly screamed at Gangster, who had no intention of stopping until he was finished. Grace struggled to get away, but Gangster was too strong. He held her down and continued to violate her. When Grace realized that she couldn't break his grasp, she began to cry uncontrollably.

When Gangster finally stopped, another boy said, "I'm next!"

"No way!" Grace screamed. She rose to her feet and began to search frantically for her clothes. "I'm not doing this! I don't want to be in the gang!"

"It's too late now. You ain't gonna give me no blue balls," a naked kid named Danno said. He grabbed Grace and threw her back down onto the mattress.

Grace, her sense of balance impaired by the drugs, staggered to her feet again. Danno punched her in the face, breaking Grace's nose. Blood splattered everywhere.

Sly intervened, grabbing Danno's arm. "We don't get down like that, homie. If she don't want to do it, then it's over. We ain't gonna rape nobody."

In Sly's warped sense of reality rape was wrong, yet his manipulation was somehow okay.

As the two boys argued, Grace broke for the door. A couple of the gang members made half-hearted attempts to stop her, but Grace was swinging and clawing at them like a wild animal. They allowed her to escape.

Grace came flying out of the public restroom and sprinted through the woods. Completely naked, blinded by tears, and disoriented from her drug use, she stumbled and fell repeatedly. Her body was covered with cuts, bruises, blood, and mud by the time she arrived at the parking lot.

Daniel had been searching in vain throughout the park, and eventually decided to wait by Sly's car. As Grace struggled to get over the fence, he spotted her. He was momentarily stunned by her naked, battered body and the blood streaming from her face. He grabbed a blanket from the back seat of his car and called out to her.

Grace saw her teacher and ran to him. Daniel covered her in the blanket, and she collapsed into his arms. Grace was shaking and crying hysterically. Daniel held her tightly as he scanned the terrain for her attackers. He saw no one.

Daniel put Grace in the front seat of his car, and she curled up into the fetal position. He drove straight for the nearest hospital. While driving, Daniel called 911 on his cell phone. "I need to report a rape," he said.

"No!" Grace shrieked. "It wasn't a rape. Please don't call the police. Please just hang up the phone."

Daniel was perplexed. He wanted to alert the police to Sly's whereabouts before he could flee the area, but Grace's urgent pleas stopped him. Then, between sobs, Grace told her teacher what had happened. She was ashamed, humiliated, and disgusted by what she had done. Daniel pulled the car to the side of the road and held Grace as she continued to sob. He made an attempt to reassure Grace that she had done nothing wrong. She was a victim who had been manipulated by an evil young man.

Once Grace calmed down, Daniel called her parents, who met them at the hospital. He then returned to Columbia Park and was surprised to find that Sly's car was still there. Grace may not have been raped, but she had been drugged and assaulted. He called 911 again. The police came quickly. All of the boys from the 15th Street gang were found and arrested.

Daniel returned to the hospital to check on Grace. The nurse at the front desk directed him to the room where she was being treated. He found the room, but didn't go in. Through a window Daniel saw Grace's adoptive parents and her seven siblings caring for her. He thought the love of her family was what she needed to heal. With that insight, Daniel knew exactly what needed to be done. Grace needed the Circle of Love.

Daniel quickly set up a meeting with Grace's parents and told them about his experiences with the Circle of Love aboard the _Awakening Grace._ He had witnessed extraordinary changes in the worst juvenile delinquents; often a complete transformation of the boy's soul would occur. He explained that he believed Grace was feeling like an outcast and that she needed her family's love and forgiveness more than ever. His suggestion was received enthusiastically, and that evening Grace found herself sitting in the center of her loving and caring family.

Although he would not speak, the teacher was asked to observe and guide the family through the Circle of Love ceremony. He instructed them to take turns speaking to Grace about her strengths and attributes, any acts of kindness they could recall, the wonderful aspects of her personality and any good deeds in which she had been involved.36 No one was allowed to utter a negative comment or speak badly about Grace's past behavior. They were specifically told not to mention her association with gangs or her recent trouble.

Grace's oldest brother Michael, who had returned home from college just for the intervention, spoke first. "Grace, I've always admired your outgoing nature and fearlessness when it comes to performing in front of others. I really enjoyed the little dance routines you used to organize with our sisters at holiday times. That one Christmas when you performed a scene from the Nutcracker was incredible."

Cindy, who was seventeen, spoke next. "One time when you were really little, you got a box of delicious Belgium chocolates. You went around passing them out to everybody saying, 'These are the yummiest candy. Try one.' You've always been the most generous person I know. I'll never forget the year you saw something on TV about an orphanage and then gave them all of your birthday presents. That's a very special quality and I'm proud to call you my sister."

Bobby approached Grace and said, "About three years ago Jack and I were practicing our wrestling moves before a match and Jack broke Momma's flower vase. You told Momma that you did it because you knew we weren't allowed to wrestle in the living room and if Momma found out she wouldn't have allowed Jack to go to his match. Your sense of loyalty and willingness to stick up for our family is something I respect."

"I totally forgot about that!" Jack exclaimed. "That's the day I knew that you really were my sister, even if we didn't have the same birth parents. You're such an incredibly loyal person. I'll never forget that time the Rick Lucero put gum in Sally's hair and you punched him in the stomach. He started crying in front of all his friends. It was hilarious!"

When it was Sally's turn she spoke of a different memory. "Do you remember when we used to take dancing classes after school? I always thought you were the best dancer in the class. Then we used to watch the movie _Dirty Dancing_ and practice all their moves. That was so much fun. I wish we could start doing stuff like that again. I really like spending time with you."

Nikki, who shared a bedroom with Grace and was two years younger, said that she appreciated it when her sister took the time to help her with her chores. "I can't even count how many times you've made my bed or cleaned up my messes without ever saying a word or asking for anything in return. I've never said it before, but I want you to know that I'm glad you came to live with us."

Finally, Grace's youngest sister, six-year-old Kari, said, "You're a great big sister because when Mommy and Daddy were too busy, you read bedtime stories to me. My favorite was _The Dancing Ballerina,_ because you'd always pick me up and dance around the room."

Kari sat on Grace's lap, opened the book and remarked, "Look, this is the part where you always said, 'You're going to be a pretty ballerina when you grow up and I'm going to be your teacher.' It always made me feel good when you said that. If you want, I'll read it to you before bedtime tonight. It'll make you feel better."

Grace hugged her baby sister and spoke for the first time. "I think I'd like that."

Her father Stan spoke next: "All of my children possess at least one special quality, and Grace, yours is a loving heart. You always compose the sweetest poems for me on Father's Day. I still have all of them and read them whenever I'm feeling down. And I love it when I come home from a hard day's work and you offer to massage my feet. You express your love so effortlessly."

Emilee spoke last: "A mother is supposed to love all of her children equally, but that's not really how it works. You were always my favorite child, probably because you're so much like Kate. Your mother was my best friend for over twenty years, and you're her carbon copy. Losing your mother was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. It's as if a part of me died with her. Then you came into our lives, and your personality is so much like hers. She was a very compassionate person and a great listener. Whenever I had a problem, she would be the one I'd discuss it with, and she'd always know just what to say. Even as a little girl you had those same qualities. I've always thought that God brought you to our family as a gift for me, to ease the pain of my loss. Eventually you took your mother's place as my closest friend. I love you so much, Grace."

Tears streamed down Grace's face in an endless flow. She got up from the chair and fiercely hugged her adoptive mother. Between sobs she said, "I love you, too, Emilee. I'm so sorry for all the bad things I've done."

Kari ran over and wrapped her arms around Grace's waist. She was quickly joined by everyone else in a group family hug with Grace in the center. They were all crying and telling her how much they loved her.

Daniel was awestruck by the moment. He reminisced about the time when he was in the Circle of Love and became enveloped by those wonderful feelings again. He said a silent prayer, thanking God for giving him the opportunity to learn from Free Spirit and to share the wisdom of the medicine men with others.

The next day Daniel introduced Grace's parents to Elle Banks, the school psychologist. Elle was uniquely qualified to help Grace recover from the traumatic gangbanging experience. She had graduated Summa Cum Laude from Stanford University with a Bachelor's Degree in child psychology. After college, Elle enlisted in the Air Force, where she continued her education. Elle got a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. She served two 14-month tours of duty in Iraq, where she worked with soldiers and civilians who had been traumatized by the war. For the last two years Elle had worked for the school district as a roving psychological trauma specialist. She would meet with Grace once a week for as long as it took for her to recover.

Grace liked Elle from the moment they met. Although she was 29 years old, Elle Banks looked like an edgy college student. She had several visible tattoos, a nose ring, and a stylish wardrobe. Elle established a rapport with Grace by telling her about why she became a psychologist. When Elle was at Stanford, three boys had raped her best friend Jade. Jade was so traumatized by the experience that she quit school and returned to live with her parents, rarely leaving the house. During that time period Elle was studying Dr. Robert Atler's book, _The Transformative Power of Crisis._ Adler had written:

The most effective way to help someone who is not feeling good about themselves is to nurture their self-esteem with repeated messages of approval, gratitude, recognition, admiration, and love. Use every opportunity to convey to him his wonderfulness. We can use notes on pillows and counters, letters in the mail, postcards, telephones, answering machines, **Fax** machines, email. Praise him, appreciate him, commen **d** him, tell him he **'** s good, tell him he **'** s wonderful, tell him you like him, **and tell** him you love him.1

Elle had shared this information with all of Jade's friends and family members, who followed Elle's advice to shower Jade with appreciation and love. It worked. Jade had a complete recovery. She became a happily married woman with two children and had a successful career as a journalist.

Grace felt so comfortable with Elle that she told her everything about her life. She shared her fleeting memories of her birth parents. Her most vivid memories were of opening presents on Christmas morning and how much her parents loved her. Grace also spoke of the pain of losing her parents. Emilee, her adoptive mom, had to teach Grace about death when Grace was only five years of age. Her birth mother's funeral was the saddest day of Grace's young life. Emilee loved Grace and became her new mom. Grace also felt loved by her seven adoptive siblings. With time the painful memory of her parents' deaths faded away. Then an adopted boy in Grace's class met his birth parents and told everyone how he was just like his parents. Grace began to wonder if she was anything like her birth parents. Grace had Googled her parents' names and discovered a slew of sordid stories. Her birth mother, Kate, had been portrayed as promiscuous. The news reporter speculated that Grace's father, Max, had murdered her in a jealous rage because of infidelity. When Grace discussed the news reports with Emilee, Emilee said they were untrue and that reporters frequently lied to sensationalize crime stories. Grace didn't believe Emilee. On some level, Grace wanted to be like her birth parents. When the 15th Street gang members befriended her, she created a false persona to try to fit in with them. Grace told Elle about beating up younger girls to take their money, her drug use, drug dealing, and about the gangbanging incident. Grace was ashamed of her conduct. She wanted to change and become a better person. She also told Elle about Mr. Benson — how he had been there to save her that day in the park, and how he was using the detention sessions to teach her the Principles of Grace. She admitted that she hadn't been paying attention most of the time, but that she was going to start taking her schoolwork more seriously.

Elle was intrigued by the Principles of Grace. She met with Daniel and he told her about the wisdom of the medicine men and his summer aboard the _Awakening Grace._ Daniel wasn't sure if the teaching format was working with Grace, but he was determined to continue teaching the material for the final eight weeks of the school year.

The next week's principle was _Eliminate Negative Energy_. Daniel told Elle about the _burn away the past_ ceremony, and asked if she thought it would be helpful for Grace. Elle related that a psychologist named James Pennebaker at Southern Methodist University had demonstrated through numerous studies that when patients wrote about painful experiences, their health improved significantly. Elle said, "Writing therapy unburdens the soul. And the medicine men's idea to then burn the paper afterwards is absolutely brilliant. I love the concept of a ceremony to _burn away the past_. Can I do this with you and Grace?"

Daniel was delighted to have Elle's assistance. At the Friday detention session they both told Grace about the _burn away the past_ ceremony. For the first time Grace took one of Mr. Benson's assignments seriously. She wrote about everything she had told Elle, every painful thing that she wanted to forget about. Elle also took the assignment to heart. She sat at one of the desks in the classroom and wrote about all the horrible things she experienced in Iraq. Elle's participation inspired Daniel to do the assignment too. Since meeting Emilee and learning about what happened to Grace's birth parents, Daniel had felt terrible concerning the prejudice he had demonstrated toward inner-city kids for many years. He wrote about every incident that he could recall. It was difficult to admit that he had been a bigot and a poor teacher.

Daniel had purchased a flammable log for the ceremony. After all three had completed their writing exercise, Daniel suggested they go to the beach for the burning. Elle had a different idea. She wanted to go to Columbia Park — to the shack. Daniel objected.

"Grace is a strong girl," Elle said. "She's ready to move on and put this behind her. Going back to the shack for this _burn away the past_ ceremony is the best way for her to slay the dragon. This will truly be a new beginning. What do you think, Grace?"

Grace wanted to forget that horrible day. If Elle thought that going back to the park was best, then she was all for it. She wasn't scared.

Daniel reluctantly agreed, and the three of them drove the short distance to the park. Grace led her teacher and her psychologist through the woods to the campground area that Sly and the other gangsters called "the shack." The smell of pine trees awoke the dreadful memory in Grace's subconscious.

As Daniel made the fire, Grace stared at the public restroom building. Grace hated Sly for stealing her innocence and her virtue. Yet, that hatred seemed to dissolve as Daniel crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it into the fire.

"Today I burn away the past and begin a new life," Daniel stated.

Elle followed suit.

Grace continued to stare at the shack and think about Sly. Then the strangest thing happened. A vision of the classroom blackboard with the _Eliminate Negative Energy_ principle appeared in Grace's mind. With great clarity she saw one sentence: Give the gift of forgiveness to those who have wronged you. At that moment Grace walked over to the fire and crumpled up her piece of paper. She tossed it in and said, "Today I burn away the past and I burn away my hatred toward the boys who hurt me. Sly, wherever you are, I forgive you." Tears began to roll down her face. "I forgive you. I forgive you. Today I burn away the past and begin a new life."

Grace exploded into huge sobs. Elle and Daniel took turns hugging her and telling her how proud they were of her. Grace was so grateful to have both of them in her life.

The next week Daniel taught the class the principle _Cultivate Positive Energy_. He shared the insights from his all-time favorite book _Power vs. Force_ by David R. Hawkins, who used the science of kinesiology to discover _attractor fields in human consciousness._
The results of Hawkins' 30-year scientific study demonstrated that human beings could align their own consciousness with either positive or negative attractor fields that would have a profound influence on their lives. Thoughts, emotions, and attitudes associated with shame, guilt, grief, fear, anger, and vengeance draw negative people and circumstances into one's life. The positive energy attractor fields are connected with things like courage, love, peace, optimism, nobility, and forgiveness. Hawkins found that power arises from meaning and nobility of purpose, and this meaning has to do with the significance of life itself. Service to, and compassion for others, were found to be among the strongest attractor energy fields.46 Dr. Hawkins writes:

Kinesiology is the study of muscles and their movement. The field was pioneered by Dr. John Goodheart and Dr. John Diamond whose startling discovery was that certain indicator muscles would strengthen or weaken in the presence of positive or negative physical, emotional, or intellectual stimuli. A smile will make you test strong, while the statement "I hate you" will make you test weak. The implication was that at a level far below conceptual consciousness, the body "knew," and through muscle testing was able to signal what was good and bad for it.

**To begin the testing procedure, two people are required. One acts as test subject by holding one arm laterally, parallel to the floor. The second person presses down with two fingers on the wrist of the extended arm. The idea is to test the bounce and spring in the arm. If the arm remains locked, the test is strong. However, if the test is repeated in the presence of a negative stimulus, although you are pushing down no harder than before, the muscle will not be able to resist the pressure and the subject's arm will fall to his side.** 46

Daniel performed the kinesiology tests with his students using a variety of stimuli. One student tested strong while holding an organically grown apple, but tested weak while holding an apple that had been sprayed with pesticides. Another student tested strong when he imagined a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with his family, yet tested weak when he envisioned punching a boy who once stole his bike. The class conducted tests for several days with some enlightening results. Grace tested strong in the presence of the Principles of Grace syllabus, even though she admitted that she had not read any of it. On some primal level her body knew that the information was beneficial. All of the students tested weak when they held thoughts of guilt, shame, jealousy, or revenge.

The liveliest debates between the students erupted over what kinds of music would strengthen or weaken their bodies. The biggest, strongest boy in the class held a gangster rap CD and watched the smallest girl push his arm down with relative ease. Daniel explained that it was not the rhythms, but the lyrics that caused him to test weak. The rapper spoke about violence and used words such as "nigger" and "bitch," which are offensive to black people and women. The fact that the student being tested was a white male didn't matter, because in our universe's continuum of interconnected electromagnetic fields, there is no separation between black and white or male and female. If the rapper said something offensive about anyone, it weakened everyone. The students were equally surprised when the small girl tested strong while holding a Christian CD and later declared, "I'm Jewish. I don't even believe in Christ."

That too was irrelevant; the CD's message was one of love and forgiveness. It was good, and her body instantly knew it was good. Grace enjoyed the kinesiology exercises. The body's intuitive wisdom amazed her. She was also able to grasp the concept of attractor energy fields; she saw the direct correlation between her negative choices to harm others and using drugs and the subsequent gangbanging experience. She studied the _Cultivate Positive Energy_ principle on the classroom blackboard and made a personal commitment to make positive changes.

When Daniel and Grace were alone at the next detention session, he asked her to put the following week's principle — _Believe in Yourself and Believe in Your Divinity_ — on the blackboard Then he gave her a spiral bound journal as a gift. It had a beautiful black leather cover with embossed lettering that read: _The Private Journal of Grace Gilmore._ Inside there were seven sections: 1.) The Principles of Grace syllabus, 2.) accomplishments scorecard, 3.) daily affirmations, 4.) creativity, 5.) goals, 6.) action plans, and 7.) daily planner. The journal opened so that a new daily planner could be inserted every year.

Grace ran her fingers across the embossed lettering. "Thank you, Mr. Benson," she said. "This is awesome."

Daniel took Grace through various sections and offered some insights: "A regular journal writing practice is an excellent tool for achieving your goals in life. Thoughts are fleeting, and if we don't write them down, we frequently lose them. If you schedule a half hour a day just to sit quietly and think, you will be amazed by the creative ideas that pop into your head. That's what the creativity section is for. The action plans and daily planner sections will help you stay organized. The daily affirmations section is a great place to write down new habits you want to practice. In the beginning section you will find the entire Principles of Grace syllabus. I recommend rereading this once every week and allow these principles to become a guiding force in your life."

The accomplishments scorecard section of the journal was created by Daniel as a self-esteem building exercise. During the detention he assigned Grace the task of writing in her journal every one of her accomplishments or successes. At first Grace couldn't think of anything, so Daniel guided her along.

"Can you ride a bike?" he asked.

"Of course," Grace replied. "Since I was five years old."

"It may not seem like an accomplishment now," Daniel said, "but there was a time when you couldn't do it. The purpose of the accomplishment scorecard is to establish a written record of your successes in life. This will help you develop the self-confidence that you can accomplish difficult tasks in the future."

With her teacher's prodding, Grace began to recall many accomplishments, such as the first goal she scored in soccer, getting all A's on her report card in second grade, learning how to swim, building a doll house, and her first job babysitting. Grace completely lost track of time as she wrote in her journal. When the two-hour detention was over, Grace had listed 50 separate accomplishments. The following day she reread the list several times because it made her feel good about herself.

From his review of her permanent record, Daniel was aware that Grace's grades had gotten progressively worse over the past three years; however, she had been a good student during primary school. As a confidence and self-esteem booster, he assigned the class a series of open-book tests. Daniel thought that Grace could easily look up the answers and get a good grade. But Grace had become a lazy student. When it came time for the multiple choice test, she randomly selected her answers without even reading the questions. Daniel held her after class to

tell her how he felt about her results.

"I'm very disappointed with your efforts, Grace," he said. "I think it's important for you to know that I'm not disappointed _in you,_ I'm disappointed _for you._ You're a bright young lady with unlimited potential. I believe you are capable of accomplishing goals beyond your current imagination, but that can only happen if you apply yourself."

Daniel then showed Grace how to prepare for a test, explaining the simplicity of the open-book variety. Grace reluctantly accepted the teacher's instruction and was surprised to find that the test really was easy. Daniel allowed Grace to take the test again, and she got every answer correct. He wrote 100% and a big red A on the top of her paper. As Grace looked at the A, she felt something that she had not felt in a long time — a sense of accomplishment with her schoolwork. Those feelings were reinforced as she continued to get A's on Mr. Benson's open-book tests.

At the next detention session Grace put the _Connect With Your Intuitive Intelligence_ principle on the blackboard. As she wrote, a question popped into her head. How had Mr. Benson known that she needed help that day in the park? And how had he known where to find her? She asked her teacher if he was psychic.

Daniel laughed. "All human beings possess intuitive intelligence, yet most don't know how to use it. We get intuitive signals all the time. Sometimes they come in the form of unusual coincidences or hunches or creative ideas that just won't go away. The key is to pay attention and discern in which direction your intuition is guiding you.

"Sometimes our dreams give us guidance. A perfect example is Stephanie Myers, who had a very vivid dream about a romantic vampire. When she awoke the next morning, _something_ told her to write a vampire book based upon the dream. Stephanie was not a writer, nor had she ever imagined writing a book. But she decided to follow her intuitive intelligence and wrote _Twilight._ It became the first of four bestselling vampire novels.

"Another way to _connect with your intuitive intelligence_ is to pay attention to the sensations in your body. If you get the chills or the hairs on your arms stand up, or you suddenly feel sick to your stomach for no apparent reason, pay attention to what's going on around you. We get signals like this all the time. That's how I knew you were in trouble that day. I looked out the window and saw you get into a car. When I saw the boy who was driving, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I just knew something was wrong. The feeling was very strong. That's why I tried to follow you. Have you ever had a strong feeling like that?"

Grace thought about the question and remembered how uneasy she felt every time she and the other gang members picked on someone or stole something. She also remembered the voice in her head that said, _This is wrong. Don't do this!_ on the day of the gangbanging. Her intuitive intelligence was sending her messages all along...but she wasn't listening.

"Your intuitive intelligence is like an internal guidance system that can lead you to your dream career," Daniel said. "What skills do you most enjoy using? What subjects interest you? What are you passionate about? What do you enjoy doing that also feels very natural to you?"

At first Grace wasn't sure, then Daniel suggested she recall the things her family members said during the Circle of Love ceremony, then write them in her journal. For the next hour Grace considered that incredible day when her family showered her with compliments and love. She listed everything she could remember, and when she was done, she had an answer for her teacher.

"Dancing," Grace announced confidently. "It's something I love to do, it comes naturally, and my family thinks I'm good at it."

Daniel believed that the best way to nurture kids' self-esteem was to immerse them in activities that allowed them to express their natural talents. He suggested to Grace that she start taking some dance classes. Together they surfed the Internet to explore what types of dance interested her most, and what classes were being offered at local dance studios. Grace wanted to learn the Latin dances, salsa in particular. They found a local studio and went to their website. Unfortunately, the classes were expensive. Grace could not ask her parents for the money because her father had recently lost his job due to the poor economy.

"The best things in life never come easily," Daniel told Grace. "But there is always a way. It's about problem solving. You have to find a way to earn the money yourself. What about your after-school job at the Touch Outreach Foundation?"

"It's community service for the crime I committed. They don't pay me."

Daniel was aware of the fact that Grace didn't get paid, because he was the person who had gotten her the job. He also knew that if Grace could earn the money needed to pay for the dance classes, it would boost her self-esteem. He suggested that Grace speak with her boss about the possibility of a paying position on the weekends. After Grace agreed to that course of action, Daniel spoke with his friend at the Touch Outreach Foundation. Daniel's friend agreed to help.

When Grace arrived for detention the following Friday, she saw that her teacher had put something new on the classroom blackboard: the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous. Following her arrest for selling pot at school and extorting her classmates, the juvenile court judge required that Grace attend weekly N.A. for Minors meetings. Daniel wanted to see whether Grace was still using drugs and whether she was applying the 12 steps to her recovery.

Grace looked at the blackboard and commented, "That doesn't look like a Principles of Grace assignment to me. I must be in the wrong class."

"I thought we might discuss something different today," Daniel replied. "I was wondering if you are still using or selling drugs, and what you think about the 12 steps."

"I never sold hard drugs, only marijuana. It's practically legal in California. There are medical marijuana shops all over the state."

Grace's answer indicated that she didn't believe there was anything wrong with pot, and that concerned Daniel. He measured his response, then said, "Medical marijuana is like any other prescription drug. Doctors prescribe it to adults for specific ailments. It is illegal for minors to use the drug. Smoking pot damages brain cells and lung tissue. It will also impair your judgment, and for most kids, marijuana is the first step on a path that leads to using hard drugs. That is why it is referred to as a 'gateway drug.'"

At first Grace was defensive and afraid to discuss her pot use with her teacher, but Mr. Benson had proved that he really did care about her. Grace saw that he only wanted to help her become a better person. She considered his words, and thought about how Sly had gotten her hooked on smoking pot prior to her experiment with heroin. Grace agreed with her teacher's assessment that marijuana is a gateway drug, and then told him that she had not used anything since the Circle of Love ceremony, nor would she ever be tempted to use illegal drugs again.

Daniel turned his attention to the blackboard and asked Grace if she would consider step eight and use the detention period to make a list of all the people she had harmed.
Grace embraced the assignment with an open mind, but was distraught to find the names of 28 people on the list upon completion. She couldn't believe she had hurt so many people. Grace felt terrible about some of the things she had done, especially beating up smaller girls and stealing from them. Grace thought about step number nine, and decided that she was going to make direct amends to each person on the list.

On the way home from school that day, Grace contemplated the list and it caused her to think about her father's favorite TV show, "My Name Is Earl." The program is about a reforming bad boy named Earl who aspires to do something nice for every person he has harmed. Grace decided that she would do the same thing. She intended to approach all 28 people on her list to ask for their forgiveness, and ask what she could do to make amends. Upon making the decision Grace felt a powerful surge of positive energy uplift her spirits, and she wondered if her intention to serve others had enabled her to access the attractor energy field Mr. Benson had told the class about. Just thinking about making amends made Grace feel good and consider the lessons she was learning in her science class.

Daniel's next lecture to his students focused on the principle _Develop Persistence and Adaptability_. He emphasized the importance of believing in your own future vision, even when others could not see it, and shared Sylvester Stallone's _Rocky_ story. When Stallone wrote the script for _Rocky,_ he approached movie studios with the intention of being cast in the starring role. Numerous studios offered to buy the script, but they did not want Stallone to be the star. Several prominent actors, including Burt Reynolds, James Caan, and Ryan O'Neal wanted to play the part of Rocky Balboa. Stallone rejected the offers because his dream was to become a movie star. After five long years of searching, Stallone found a producer who would purchase the script and cast him in the role. The movie became the blockbuster hit of 1976, earning Oscar awards for best picture and best director. Stallone's dream of becoming a movie star was realized because of his persistence.

To illustrate the significance of developing adaptability when pursuing one's goals, Daniel told the story of two other famous actors, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. During the 1990's, Damon and Affleck were aspiring actors who struggled to find an agent or get auditions. The competition to become a leading man in Hollywood was fierce. The two men faced constant rejection, so they adapted by following Stallone's blueprint for success. Together they wrote the script for _Good Will Hunting_ and sought a movie studio who would cast them in the starring roles. A friend of a friend eventually gave the script to the actor Robin Williams, who loved it. Williams turned the script over to an equally enthusiastic producer who agreed to make the movie. It was a huge success. _Good Will Hunting_ was nominated for several Oscars, and it launched the acting careers of Damon and Affleck.

Daniel encouraged his students to develop a willingness to adapt to rejection, failure, and mistakes when pursuing their dreams. As they set out to execute their action plans, they were likely to encounter numerous unseen problems. He encouraged them to develop a problem-solving mindset.

"The key to success," Daniel concluded, "is to view all challenges and adversities as opportunities for growth. Within every problem you face in life, there is a lesson to be learned. A successful life is not defined by the attainment of our goals, but by the lessons learned on the journey. If you remain persistent and continue to adapt, you will always be learning and growing. Train yourself to embrace the striving and find joy in new discoveries."
Grace enjoyed Mr. Benson's stories about the actors and the fact that he was always encouraging the students to pursue their dreams. She was beginning to like some of his goofy sayings, such as "be the best you can be every day," "nurture your gifts," and "always reach for the stars." She was even becoming interested in science, and was curious about what Mr. Benson would teach next. Even though she would never admit it to anyone, Grace actually looked forward to his class and the Friday detention periods.

Daniel felt that developing relationships with other people who share values, principles, and goals was one of the most important things that he had learned from Free Spirit, and he spoke with great enthusiasm when teaching the principle Connect With Others. Daniel specifically wanted his students to value mentor/mentee relationships. He told his students about the medicine men's belief that a person could only reach their highest potential through the guidance of a mentor. In our society, this belief also holds true in sports, where great coaches are sought out because of their ability to inspire peak performance, and in business, where lifestyle coaches guide CEOs to optimum efficiency.46

As Grace listened to Mr. Benson talk about connecting with others, she realized that he had become her mentor. No teacher had ever cared about her the way he did. Following one of the suggestions on the classroom blackboard, she went to Hallmark and purchased a thank you card and presented it to her teacher. She wanted him to know that she was grateful for everything he had done for her.

Each week Daniel concluded his class with a personal story about whatever principle he was teaching, but this particular week Grace asked if she could share a story of her own. She said she had recently experienced something amazing by connecting with others and she wanted to share it with her fellow students.

The next day Grace stood at the front of the classroom and spoke about her after-school job organizing games and activities for terminally ill children at the Touch Outreach Foundation. Initially, she related that she had a bad attitude and did not want to waste her time at a job she did not enjoy. Then she met Jillian, a six-year-old girl who was dying from leukemia. Jillian would not play with the other kids, only with Grace. She followed Grace around like a lost puppy, always asking to hold her hand or sit on her lap. In the beginning Grace found this attachment annoying, but in time she softened, and they developed a friendship.

Jillian adored Grace, and as soon as Grace arrived at the foundation, Jillian would run and leap into Grace's arms, hugging her fiercely. When it was time to go home, Jillian would always give Grace a big hug and kiss and say, "I love you, Grace Gilmore. You're my best friend in the whole wide world." Grace started to look forward to Jillian's toothless, illuminating smile, and felt disappointment when she missed her massage appointments.

Tears rolled down Grace's cheeks as she told her classmates about recently visiting Jillian in the hospital. The little girl was very weak and in considerable pain. Grace held her hand and told her that she loved her for the first time. Jillian smiled, but then turned her attention to the ceiling and said, "Do you see the light? It's so beautiful."

Grace did not see anything unusual, but she was aware that something was happening to Jillian when she heard her say, "Who's Emma?" Jillian said that Emma had come to take her home and that she could see through the light that home was a place that was filled with love. Then Jillian reached out with both hands toward the ceiling, evidently to grasp Emma's hands. A moment later Jillian passed away.

Grace then told the class about her mother's death when Grace was five years of age, and how it hurt so badly. Yet, she found Jillian's dying words, that home was a place of love and beauty, to be a remarkable gift. Knowing that her mother had gone home to be with God was finally allowing Grace's wounds to heal. Jillian's gift was the certainty that when our bodies die, our spirits live on. Grace was certain now that when her time came, just as Emma had come for Jillian, her mother would come with open arms to take her home.

Daniel knew that love was the most powerful force in the universe, that it had the power to dramatically transform a person, and that every student was witnessing it in action. The Grace who stood before the class had experienced a profound transformation from the inside out. Her previously tough exterior had vanished. She no longer dressed inappropriately or displayed sadistic tattoos. They had been replaced by a feminine outfit and softer, temporary tattoos depicting a butterfly and a dolphin. The most important change was in her behavior. Now, instead of being a menacing gang member who preyed on other kids, she was kind and caring. It was the proudest moment of Daniel's teaching career. On that day he thanked God for bringing Grace into his life, because she had enabled him to rediscover his own sense of purpose.

Daniel used Grace's story to teach one final _connect with others_ lesson. He asked the class, "If you knew someone was going to die in one week, how would you treat that person?"

Daniel called on the students who raised their hands.

Latisha said, "With love."

Ramone said, "With kindness."

Robert said, "I'd do something nice for them."

Then Daniel continued the lesson. "Everyone is going to die someday, but no one knows when that some day will come. So it's best to treat everyone with love, kindness, and compassion every day."

As Grace listened to Mr. Benson, she found herself feeling grateful that he had come into her life, but also disappointed that she was graduating to high school and would probably never see him again. He was a great teacher—the best one she ever had. The subjects he taught were interesting and important, lessons that Grace suspected she may use later in life. She turned her attention to the blackboard and reread the final principle. It caused her to realize that she wanted to keep her Principles of Grace syllabus, so that someday she could discover and pursue her own purpose in life.

On the final day of the school year, Daniel reflected on his own journey to discover a meaningful life. Daniel had found purpose through his family. Raising his children had always been his great joy for most of the past two decades; however, when it came to his career, there had been a huge void. He hadn't found fulfillment as a teacher, and he knew the reason why: the knifing incident when he had been stabbed by a gang kid while breaking up a fight had disrupted his inner world. The prejudice that ensued clouded his vision of service and stopped the flow of positive energy when it came to his profession. Ironically, he also realized that his resentment had brought Grace into his life. He remembered Free Spirit advising him, "See relationships as divinely organized instead of earthly organized. If we suffer prejudice, God will send us someone who forces us to experience prejudice."62 Grace had come into his life for a reason, and Daniel realized that reason had as much to do with his own growth as it did hers.

Following his mentor's example, Daniel held a graduation ceremony for his class. Each kid was given 12 handwritten scrolls that contained the timeless wisdom of the medicine man. As he passed them out, Daniel repeated Free Spirit's final instruction to him that day long ago aboard the _Awakening Grace:_ "The key to success in life is ongoing personal development. Each generation is responsible for upgrading the Principles of Grace and sharing their discoveries with other people."

As the kids exited the classroom, Daniel gave each of them a handwritten note and invited them to write to him at school and tell him about their lives. Only one student would eventually take him up on the offer.

It was Grace Gilmore.

# PART THREE: LETTERS FROM GRACE

Fifteen years passed. It was the first day of the fall semester in a brand-new school, and Daniel was excited. This was a class unlike any he had taught before. All of the students were juvenile delinquents— twelve, thirteen, and fourteen-year-old boys who had been convicted of felonies and sentenced to this special middle school as a last resort to help them turn their lives around and avoid incarceration in juvenile facilities. It promised to be the most challenging and potentially rewarding year of Daniel's teaching career, an opportunity to apply everything he had learned toward his own noble ambition: to help transform budding career criminals into productive citizens. For years Daniel had dreamed of working exclusively with at-risk children, and now he was finally going to get his opportunity.

In his previous teaching positions, Daniel taught a one-hour Life Science class with only the final quarter of the school year devoted to the Principles of Grace. This special school was distinctive in that Daniel would be responsible for his students' entire middle school education. They would be together seven hours a day for three full years.

From the beginning Daniel wanted to get his new students inspired about their futures and the subjects he would be teaching. He told them about his mentor, Captain Free Spirit, and how his summer aboard the _Awakening Grace_ had enabled him to discover his own calling as a teacher. Then he directed their attention to the blackboard and briefly summarized the Principles of Grace. Daniel was disappointed to find that his new students did not seem the least bit interested.

So Daniel decided to share the story of Grace Gilmore, a former student who had used the Principles of Grace as a springboard to accomplish something extraordinary. Over the past fifteen years Grace had written Daniel ten letters in which she told her own amazing success story. Daniel hoped that his new students would be able to relate to the path Grace had chosen, and so one by one he read Grace's letters to the class...

Dear Mr. Benson, June 3, 1992

On the final day of school you invited us to write and tell you about our lives. I have had some interesting experiences using the Principles of Grace that I'd like to share with you.

My first year of high school didn't begin so well. I didn't know anyone and didn't really know how to go about making new friends. I felt out of place. Then I remembered that you advised me to develop friendships based on common values and common interests. You might recall that my passion is dancing. So I signed up for the Dance Club, which is an after-school activity. It was so cool. I learned all kinds of new dance styles. I was even given an opportunity to teach the club the salsa dances I learned from the classes I took last year. I'm so glad that you helped me connect with my passion for dancing. And you were right about developing friendships based on common interests. The other girls in the dance club were really nice to me. I made two good friends, Julia and Martina. For the first time outside of my adoptive family I feel like I'm being accepted for who I really am.

_I want to thank you again for the journal you gave me. I write in it all the time. It's so convenient to have the Principles of Grace syllabus right in the front. I made a solid commitment to learn and practice the principles. I reread the entire syllabus every Sunday. My favorite principle is_ believe in yourself and believe in your divinity. _It encourages me to believe that I can do something great with my life when I grow up. I did the weekly time analysis exercise and learned that I was watching 25 hours of TV every week. I don't want my brain to turn to mush, so I changed that behavior. Now I only allow myself a maximum of 10 hours of TV a week and I use the other 15 hours to read books. You know the one part about_ celebrating other people's finest qualities? _I came up with this really cool exercise where I took a section of my journal and titled all the pages "What I Like About You." There is a separate page for everyone I know. Whenever I spot one of their finest qualities I write it down. Then, when the page is full, I give it to them. People are always so grateful. Often it's the first time that anyone ever acknowledged what was special about them. It feels amazing to help someone else feel good about themselves. You did that for me, and now I'm paying it forward._

I continued to see Dr. Banks for several months. Mostly we talked about the Principles of Grace. She even made a copy of my syllabus and said that she now gives it to all of her patients. How cool is that? Unfortunately, I don't see her anymore because she said that I'm totally well. I guess she is right because I never get depressed anymore. I have to admit that my life is pretty good and that I'm happy now.

I know that this letter had been mostly (okay, all) about me, but my intention was to write a letter of hope and inspiration for you. Know that you have made a great and wonderful change in my life! You truly are a remarkable teacher. Thanks to you, I know I'm a better person. Keep doing the things that you do so that you can help other kids like me. Your work is so important.

Sincerely,

Grace Gilmore
Dear Mr. Benson: May 27, 1993

Another school year has passed, and I hoped you might be interested in some of the things that are happening in my life. So, here's the latest.

Last spring I made a decision to try out for the dance team when school resumed in the fall. When I told some of the other girls in the dance club about my plans, they laughed and teased that I was too fat to make it. At first their taunting hurt my feelings, but then I realized they were probably right. All of the girls on the dance team were really fit. If I wanted to be a part of their group, I knew that I needed to lose about thirty pounds over the summer. So you know what I did? I got out my Principles of Grace folder and went straight to the Connect With Your Cellular Intelligence section. I immediately decided that I'd do whatever I had to do to lose weight and make the team.

The first thing I did was get on the Internet to search for information. I found this great Web page called "The Amazing Weight Loss Formula,"* which taught me how to increase the speed of my metabolism. It suggested that I alternate high-intensity resistance and aerobic training first thing every morning before breakfast. In the beginning this was really difficult. My muscles were sore all the time and I hated waking up early; yet I lost five pounds in the first two weeks. I saw right away that the program was working and that helped me adjust to the early-morning workouts and the new diet.

The website also suggested that I give up all manmade processed foods, which I didn't want to do at first, because I really enjoyed things like soda, chips and cookies. It stated that I should only eat foods found in nature, such as fish, fruits and vegetables — the same stuff you advised us to eat. So, I started doing this, too, and it gave me a ton of energy all day long. Another essential thing was for me to burn more calories than I consumed. This meant eating smaller meals and being more active. I practiced my dance team audition routine for two hours every evening instead of watching TV, and I did lots and lots of walking. I stayed with it the entire summer and, believe it or not, I lost the entire thirty pounds. The changes in how I looked and felt were awesome.

The dance team tryouts were organized as a contest and were a big deal at my school. The auditorium was packed—students, teachers and the entire dance team alumni were in attendance. At first I was a little scared. No, not scared—actually nervous. During the warm-up I started trembling so violently that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do my routine. To calm myself down, I did the yoga breathing and visualization exercises you had taught us.

When the music started, it seemed as though everyone else just disappeared. I began to dance and nothing else in the world mattered. My mental focus and physical effort were in sync. I became one with my routine, or to use your words, "one with the universe." It just flowed very naturally. When it was over the entire gymnasium erupted in applause. I actually received a standing ovation, and won the first-place ribbon. It was the most amazing moment of my life.

Being on the dance team has been so much fun. We practice after school every day, dance at half-time at all the sports events, and compete against other schools.

My life's changed in so many ways. Every morning I wake up happy. When I look in the mirror, I don't feel fat and ugly any more. I feel pretty. And do you know what else? I have my first real boyfriend. His name's Joe, and he's on the football team. I think that I'm falling in love, because I want to be with him all the time.

Mr. Benson, I want you to know that all of these wonderful things are happening because of the stuff you taught me. You're a great teacher. Keep doing the things that you do. Your work's very important.

Sincerely, Grace Gilmore
Dear Mr. Benson: June 3, 1994

It's the final day of my junior year, so I thought I'd write my annual letter to let you know that one of your worst students ever is finally getting her act together.

_This year I decided to focus on the_ connect with others _principle. I met a girl named Sally who had tried out for the dance team, but failed to make it because she was overweight. A lot of kids, especially the boys, said mean things that hurt Sally's feelings. It reminded me of how I felt when I was overweight. So, I told Sally about my own experience with weight loss and offered to be her mentor. She agreed, and I have to tell you that I have really enjoyed helping her. Every morning before school we got together and did a high-intensity workout. I taught her what foods to eat and what foods not to eat. Before long, she began to get in shape and feel better about herself._

One of the things I learned from helping Sally is that when you do something nice for someone else without expecting anything in return, your kindness comes back to you in unexpected ways. It turns out that Sally was the President of the Drama Club, and she persuaded me to audition for the role of Cha Cha, the sexy dancer in "Grease," the school play. Believe it or not, I got the part. The Drama Club's totally cool! The rehearsals are even more fun than being on the dance team, but the performances are much scarier. My part didn't have many lines, but I was still afraid of messing them up on stage in front of so many other people, especially my boyfriend, Joe, who was sitting in the front row. We did the show four times, and thank God I didn't forget any of my lines. All of the main actors were so good that the local Civic Center invited us to perform three more shows at the amphitheater for a charity event.

Opening night was so amazing. More than a thousand people came to see the show. The amphitheater was outside and the spring weather was perfect. It seemed like there were a million stars in the sky. Again, the actors were fantastic and afterwards we were treated like celebrities. Everybody wanted to meet and congratulate us. Some younger girls even asked for my autograph. One of the people that I met was a choreographer from New York. He said that I was a very talented dancer and that he hoped to see me on Broadway someday. Can you believe that? Me, a professional dancer in New York City!

After the conversation with the choreographer, I spent a lot of time thinking about the things I learned from your class. You said that the key to discovering purpose in life was to always follow your heart. I love dancing so much. I love the people, the music, being on stage and the fact that I'm always learning something new. Dancing comes so naturally for me, almost like it's what I was born to do. It makes me happy and it makes other people happy, because they enjoy watching the performances. I know that it's not serving others such as being a doctor or a nurse, but it makes me feel purposeful when I see people in the audience smile or laugh or applaud. I'm sure I want to be a dancer when I grow up.

For the first time ever I'm excited about the upcoming fall semester. I actually look forward to going to school now, and I thank you for this. Through the Principles of Grace I learned much about myself. I have learned what I could do if I put my mind to it. I want you to know that I'll never forget you or the things that you taught me, Mr. Benson. You're a very special teacher.

Sincerely,

Grace Gilmore

Dear Mr. Benson: June 1, 1995

Well, another year has passed and, believe it or not, the girl who was once headed for juvenile hall has actually graduated from high school. I've been looking forward to writing this letter, because it's been an interesting year for me.

In my last letter I mentioned that I was considering a career as a dancer. Once I was certain that this would be my path, I sat down to map the journey. You advised your students to set audacious goals. Mine's to be a big star on the Broadway stage. Once I wrote down that objective, I contemplated all of the steps that I'd have to take to get there. At first I was a little confused about exactly what I needed to do, so I referred to my Principles of Grace folder for some ideas and direction. I began by interviewing various people associated with my goals—professional dancers, choreographers, theater directors and producers. I was amazed at how easy it was to get advice from people when you ask questions concerning a subject about which they're passionate. This gave me lots of good insight with a couple of common themes: Go to college and practice, practice, practice.

Once I had a clearer picture of what I needed to do, I bought myself an organizer and developed a weekly plan and a daily schedule. I started every day at 5:00 a.m. with a morning practice. First, I'd read the goals that I'd written down, and then I visualized myself on stage. The visualization was easy for me because I enjoy fantasizing about what my life will be like as a star on Broadway. Next, I said a prayer, asking God for the vision and wisdom to let me serve others through my passion for dancing. Then, I'd dance for a full hour before school, clearing my mind of all other thoughts and simply meditating on the motion of my body. This actually helped me focus on my schoolwork, because I needed outstanding grades to get into a top university. After school I worked out with the dance team for an hour and then went straight to a professional dance studio where I took classes and learned many different dance styles. It was an exhausting schedule, but I made sure that I ate right and got eight hours of sleep every night.

Getting into a top university isn't easy. There's a lot of competition. I did everything that I could think of to enhance my chances. I got straight A's on my report card for the first time, and scored exceptionally high on the SATs. I also persuaded a professional television producer to help me develop a video presentation. It contained material from the dance team, my big scene from the play at the amphitheater and a testimonial where I spoke into the camera about my intentions. I e-mailed the video to the heads of the theater department at twenty different universities, asking for an admissions recommendation. I was delighted to receive twelve written letters of recommendations from university professors. I packaged those letters with my video and applied to the top three performing arts schools. All three accepted me, but the big news is that I was offered a full-ride scholarship at Julliard in New York City, the number-one performing arts school in the country! I'm so excited! I know I'm going to become a big star on Broadway, and I owe it all to you and the Principles of Grace.

I want you to know that I'll never forget the time you spent tutoring me after school on Fridays. It must've been frustrating to work with a student who had such a bad attitude. I'd get an F on a homework assignment, but instead of treating me as a poor student you'd say, "I expect better from you, Grace. You're a bright young lady with unlimited potential." You also taught me how to study and prepare for a test. I didn't like it at first because I thought it was a waste of time. But then I got an A on one of your Life Science tests and everything changed. I walked on air all the way home that day and promised myself that I'd work hard to become a good student. Now I'm a high school graduate with a college scholarship. I'm beginning to believe that I am that bright young lady you envisioned and that I do have unlimited potential. I want to thank you for helping me realize that.

With warmest regards,

Grace Gilmore

Dear Mr. Benson: July 21, 1996

My initial year at Julliard has certainly been an adventure. The first few months were difficult. I really missed my family and friends, especially my boyfriend, Joe. He won a football scholarship to UCLA, and since I was moving to New York, we decided to break up. It was so painful. He was my first real boyfriend and I loved him so much. I didn't think that I'd miss him, but I've never been so wrong. We were together every single day for three years. I miss him more than you could ever imagine.

_I brought my Principles of Grace folder to New York and it's helped me with the transition. For the first few months I focused on_ cultivating positive energy. _I decorated my dorm room in an uplifting way, with posters associated with my goals and photos from home, especially of Joe, even though we are no longer in touch. I found this really cool Website that sends me their Inspirational Quote of the Week, which I read before bedtime and first thing in the morning. I've tried to commune with nature as much as possible, but it's not easy in New York City. I go to Central Park as often as I can. When I watch TV, it's exclusively comedy, and the laughter does lift my spirits. I also got into the practice of reading biographies about successful performing artists. These books seem to help my confidence when things aren't going so well._

_This year I also worked on_ eliminating negative energy _. Addressing my egocentric behavior was easy, because everyone here at the school is so talented. Unfortunately, most of them are also really full of themselves. I've tried to let go of the need to judge others, but I find it hard to be around people who think they're better than me. Maybe that's because most of them are better dancers than I am. I didn't anticipate that. At my high school I was considered to be the best dancer, but here I'm not even in contention. I auditioned for several different parts in school productions and wasn't selected for any of them. Avoiding people who cause me stress is also difficult. I have a really mean professor who seems to be nasty to everyone. I send him a silent prayer whenever I see him, but I don't believe it's working. Do you think that some people are just plain evil? I've also avoided the party scene which is really big here. This has made me a kind of goody-two-shoes outcast, but I don't care. I'm not going to compromise my values just to fit in._

I spend most of my time trying to "nurture my gifts," as you used to say. I practice dancing by myself in front of a mirror for hours every day. I really love doing this, exploring my potential as a dancer, expressing my creativity and devising a style all my own. Whatever emotion I'm feeling can be communicated through the motion of my body. It's such an ethereal feeling. When it's flowing effortlessly, I feel transported to another world. All of my earthly concerns disappear, and I really do become one with my purpose. It's such a high, physically and emotionally. Afterward, I always feel this incredible sense of relaxation and serenity.

When I was in your class you once said, "There's something very special that you were born to do. If you follow your heart, Grace, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to." I want you to know that statement has had an enormous impact on me. You believed in me, and that belief continues to be a great source of inspiration that I can draw on whenever I'm feeling down. So, thanks again, Mr. Benson, for believing in me and for being a guiding light in my life.

Warmest regards,

Grace Gilmore
Dear Mr. Benson: June 16, 2000

Let me begin with an apology for not writing for the past four years. I had set the precedent of sending you a letter at the end of each school year and should've kept up with that practice. The truth is that it was easy to write when things were going good in my life, but when I didn't quickly achieve my goal of becoming a Broadway star, I felt like I had let you down. I really believe in all of the things that you taught us, but I just didn't foresee it being so difficult.

I'm pleased to report that I graduated from college with a degree in academic excellence. However, my aspiration of setting the New York theater world on fire just hasn't happened. I don't want you to get the wrong idea; I've not given up on my dream and I'm still trying. I'm just not experiencing any success, and no matter how hard I try, I'm not the type of person who can detach from the outcome. The vision I have of being a professional dancer is etched into my brain. I simply can't imagine any other occupation.

Of course, my life's not all bad—just my career. During my college years I developed a support team that consisted of six people who're all pursuing various performing arts vocations. We used the Principles of Grace syllabus as our starting point, and I've enjoyed sharing what things I learned from you with my new friends. We meet once a week and support one another in our ongoing quests. A couple of people from the group have recently enjoyed some success, and it's rewarding to be a part of it; although, I admit that I experienced some jealousy. I know that I'm supposed to eliminate negative emotions, and I try, but it's not always easy.

One of the things I did during my second year of college was to seek out an influential mentor. I wrote letters to all of the top Broadway choreographers offering to do anything—even mop the stage—in exchange for an opportunity to learn more about my craft. One of them, a man named Thomas Jones, accepted my offer. I've been working for him for three and a half years as a "special assistant," but it seems like the only thing I ever do is mop and wax the stages. He allows me to audition for every show he's involved in, but the directors always seem to have some reason for choosing another girl. I know that I shouldn't complain, because Mr. Jones also allows me to rehearse with the cast. By doing so I've learned much and met some fascinating people. It just hasn't been what I'd hoped for. I'm a bit disillusioned about the concept of a mentor relationship.

I continue to be very persistent. I've auditioned for sixty-five different roles and have not landed one. You'd think that I'd get the hint, but I'm not giving up. So, I lead the life of the proverbial starving artist. I live in a shoebox-sized apartment with six other women, and I never have any money. Financial security is a foreign concept to me. I'm sure that at some point I will consider other types of work, but I have to keep trying for at least another year or so.

My life has been harder than I ever imagined it'd be. The constant rejection can be depressing, yet my passion for dancing somehow seems to keep me going. In a very real sense, dancing's become a part of "who I am." Whenever I'm feeling down, I go back to Julliard, find an empty studio and practice. Once I start dancing I become fully absorbed in the music and motion of my body. I lose contact with all of the unpleasant things going on in my life and become one with my art. It's become a form of meditation. My mind doesn't wander when I'm practicing. I don't think about anything else. I just do what I love to do. I guess you could say that endless practice is my way of embracing the journey.

So, there you have it. The life of Grace Gilmore isn't very exciting. I wanted so much to be able to write and tell you that I'd made it. The things you taught me played such an important role in helping me turn my life around. So please, don't ever forget that your work's very important and that you'll always be my all-time favorite teacher.

With warm regards,

Grace Gilmore

Dear Mr. Benson: May 29, 2001

The last letter I wrote to you wasn't very upbeat and I didn't express much self-confidence. I promise that this one will be much more positive. I've learned some important lessons during the last year, regarding loyalty and following my intuitive intelligence that I'm eager to share with you.

Let me begin with loyalty. In my last letter I mentioned that I was disappointed in my choreographer mentor, Thomas Jones. I'm embarrassed (and pleased) to say that I spoke too soon, because he came through for me in the most incredible way. About six months ago he got a job on a new Broadway play called "Last Dance for Lillian," and, as usual, he allowed me to audition. I didn't get the part, but I once again agreed to take a job mopping and waxing the stage. Again, he allowed me to rehearse with the cast and I practiced every dancer's part on my own time. Then, two days prior to opening night, the actress who was playing Lillian, the female lead, walked out in a contract dispute and the understudy sprained her ankle. Thomas recommended me to the director, and I got the job.

"Last Dance for Lillian" is a romance, similar to "West Side Story" in that the male and female leads are from rival families and different backgrounds. It's not a musical in the classic sense, but more of a drama with lots of dancing. When I first read the script, I had one of those inner knowing feelings that you used to tell us to stay attuned for. The role of Lillian just spoke to me. It wasn't so much that I liked the character but more a pronounced feeling as I read the play. I kept "seeing" myself on stage in the role of Lillian, which in itself was strange, because I never audition for such parts — too many lines to memorize. I think of myself as a dancer not an actress. However, that inner voice was so strong that I decided to study all of the Lillian character's lines. Because of that preparation, I got the part. I followed my intuitive intelligence, and now I'm the happiest woman on the planet.

Opening night was a strange combination of excitement and absolute paralyzing fear. My entire adoptive family flew to New York just to see the show. As you might recall, I have seven brothers and sisters. When we arrived at the theater and they saw "Starring Grace Gilmore" on a huge illuminated sign, my family went crazy. Everyone was hugging and kissing me and telling me how proud they were. It was like a dream right up until an hour before the curtain call. Then, I became anxious that I'd forget some of my lines. I started trembling so bad that I couldn't stand. I asked everyone to leave the dressing room, and I meditated for twenty minutes, visualizing a flawless performance. It must've worked, because once the performance started, I was in the zone. I couldn't believe how well it went. The last scene was a dance solo and I received a standing ovation that seemed to last forever.

The next day a review in the New York Times said, "Grace Gilmore is the next big thing on Broadway." Can you believe it? The show ran for six weeks and was sold out every night. Then we were booked for a nationwide tour. We traveled to a different city every week for twenty-five weeks. We did four performances Thursday through Sunday and traveled by bus at the beginning of the week. I love my life so much!

Now for the best part! When we performed in Los Angeles, a big-time movie producer thought that the show was fantastic and bought the film rights. Now his company is developing a movie script based on the play, and guess who's going to play Lillian? Me!! I signed the contract yesterday, and they're paying me three hundred thousand dollars. We start shooting next month.

Mr. Benson, I've said it before and I must say it again: YOU ARE THE GREATEST TEACHER EVER. Thanks to the things I learned from you, I'm living a dream. I can never thank you enough for helping me turn my life around. Keep doing the things you do. Your work's very important.

With warm regards,

Grace

Dear Mr. Benson: November 1, 2003

I should begin by apologizing for not writing to you for such a long time. It's difficult for me to write to you when my life is not going well.

I'm sorry to report that I never got the chance to act in the movie based on the Broadway hit, "Last Dance for Lillian." Unfortunately, a drunk driver hit me while I was walking across the street. I was severely injured and had to spend several months in the hospital. I had three broken ribs and damage to my spine. The worst part is that both of my kneecaps were shattered. The doctors told me that I am lucky just to be alive. However, I don't feel lucky. My dancing career is over and I may never walk again.

_I'd like to be able to tell you that I've_ embraced this adversity _and discovered some profound meaning, but I can't. That is one of your teachings that I'll never accept. Everything I ever wanted in life is gone forever. I feel cheated. I worked so hard. Every single day I did the right thing, as you used to say. I was kind to every person I met. I gave my time and money to help people in need. I gave my heart and soul to an art that made others happy, and what do I get for more than a dozen years of "being the best I can be every day"? I get to be crippled for the rest of my life. How can that possibly be fair? I devoted every waking hour, every single day, year in and year out to something I believed in. What did I get for my trouble? Six months of happiness and the promise of an amazing career that I can never have. I feel like God decided to play a cruel trick on me._

I've returned to the home of my adoptive family and tried to use the time to reconnect with them, but it's been difficult. I'm in a lot of physical pain and depressed most of the time. So, I'm not much fun to be around. My parents and siblings have to wait on me constantly. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself. It's so humiliating. I hate being like this. I hate being in a wheelchair. I hate being a burden to my family. I hate watching TV or surfing the Internet. That's not "me." I hate my life!

Tell me, Mr. Benson, how do I create a future vision of myself as a crippled woman? I just can't "see it." I don't know what the future has in store for me, but it doesn't look good. I've become a miserable, bitter person. This is probably not something that you want to hear, but I'm trying to fulfill my promise to write and tell you about my life. I suppose you'll just have to take the bad with the good — or don't. I really don't care. To me, it's all bad.

I know that this hasn't been a very nice letter and guess that's because I'm just not a nice person anymore. To a certain degree I think you're responsible for my plight. You filled my head with so much nonsense. "Reach for the stars," you said. "Set audacious goals. You can do anything you choose if you set your mind to it." Well, I think you're full of it. Did you ever consider what'd happen when a person sets those types of goals, but doesn't reach them? Do you know what it's like to nurture a dream for more than a decade and then have it smashed? I think you set me up for a fall. That Principles of Grace junk — stop teaching it! It's garbage! That's all I have to say.

Grace

Dear Mr. Benson: December 5, 2004

I'm beginning this letter with a huge apology. The last time I wrote, I said some hurtful things I didn't mean. The accident damaged me in ways that I didn't understand at the time. I lashed out at you, because I lost my dream and that was unfair. I wouldn't have had that dream or the incredible six months during which I actually got to live it without the things I learned from you. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.

My physical and psychological wounds are finally beginning to heal, and as you might expect, things turned around for me as a result of the Principles of Grace. My recovery began just over a year ago when I decided to read Victor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning. He wrote that one of the ways people find meaning in life is "by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering, by attempting to turn one's predicament into human achievement."38

As I considered those words, I realized that my own attitude, which was very negative, was not consistent with the principles I hold dear. I needed to make some changes in my life, but I didn't really know where to start. So, I decided to reread some of the notes that I took in your class and reconnect with those principles. I came across this line: "If you're ever feeling depressed, walk across the road and help someone else." Later that day, I saw a sign in the library window (which is directly across the street from my home) that said volunteers were needed to read to blind children. It was a meaningful coincidence and I acted on it.

Even though I was in a wheelchair, I could read to children, and you know what? I loved it. I went to the library for several hours every afternoon and it was wonderful. The kids were so happy and optimistic and full of life. The fact that they were blind was irrelevant to them. It put my own suffering in perspective and that somehow opened a window to new horizons. The blind children couldn't do anything to change their handicap, but I could at least attempt to do something about my own.

Since I was already at the library, I decided to research my condition and explore various treatment options. I searched the Internet and read medical journals until I came across an article about a professional football player who suffered a similar injury. After surgery and three years of rehabilitation he actually resumed his career. The athlete gave the credit for his recovery to a pioneering physical therapist named Joe Saratini. Here was another uncanny coincidence, because my high school sweetheart's name was Joe Saratini. I Googled the physical therapist and sure enough, it was my Joe. I couldn't believe it. I got butterflies in my stomach just reading about him.

I discovered that Joe's a big-time physical therapist who works with professional athletes. It took me a few weeks to get up the nerve, but eventually, I went to see him. We hadn't spoken in nine years, but that didn't seem to matter at all. He was the same old Joe, confident, charming, witty and very compassionate. For me, it was love at first sight all over again. For Joe, it was strictly business. He personally took charge of my rehabilitation. The basis of his success with the football player was a therapy designed to improve neuromuscular communication, and he put me through a similar regimen. I had spine damage and my leg muscles had atrophied from a year of inactivity. Joe's therapy focused on exercises designed to develop the neurological pathways between the spine and my leg muscles. It's been a long and painful journey, but I'm finally recovering. I had three surgeries and have spent six hours a day, five days a week in rehabilitation for a full year. It has been worth it, because I can walk again without pain. And, I plan to dance again. It may not be professionally but at least at my wedding. That's right, I said wedding. Joe and I are planning to tie the knot in the spring. I'll be sending you an invitation soon, and we hope you'll come.

Mr. Benson, I'll never forget how you recognized that my poor behavior during middle school stemmed from the loss of my parents, or how you looked beyond the wannabe gang member who disrupted your class and saw only my highest potential. I'll never forget how you believed in me at a time when I didn't even believe in myself. You changed my life, and I'll never forget you.

With warm regards,

Grace

Dear Mr. Benson: February 6, 2006

I hope this letter finds you to be healthy, happy and living a purposeful life. I'm pleased to report that Joe and I are now the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl whose name is Jillian. Motherhood has brought a whole new set of exciting challenges to my life.

Being a mother has also made me somewhat philosophical. Often late at night when I'm feeding the baby or rocking her to sleep, I find myself reflecting on the life that I've lived and the wisdom of the medicine men. I can't help but wonder if my accident was meant to be, part of some cosmic plan to bring Joe and I back together. When we were dating in high school, I shared with him the lessons I learned from the Principles of Grace. Later, when he was at UCLA, he combined his passion for athletics with a natural curiosity about human anatomy and an innate desire to serve others when he decided what career to choose. In a sense, I helped to guide him toward a profession which in turn led to my recovery and our marriage. Life's so full of mystery, and yet when things like this happen, some of those mysteries seem to reveal themselves.

I have to tell you that embracing adversity was the hardest lesson of all for me to learn. For a long time I viewed the end of my dancing career as the end of life itself. In retrospect I can see that it was really a stepping-stone to a more purposeful life. Viktor Frankl said that one of the ways people find meaning in life is by loving someone. It's so true. Jillian and Joe bring a profound purpose to my life. Today, I'm a stay-at-home mom and happier than I've ever been.

Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm still very passionate about my art — dancing. Since I can no longer perform, I had to find a new way of channeling that passion. At first, I considered becoming a choreographer or maybe opening a dance studio, but I figured that'd be too time-consuming. Then Joe suggested that I consider a summer camp for kids that combines dance instruction with the Principles of Grace. I liked the idea immediately, because it'd afford me an opportunity to share with others the lessons that were so important in my own development.

I'm now a part-time entrepreneur in the mold of your mentor, Captain Free Spirit. My company's called Dancing with Grace, an eight-week summer camp for girls, ages ten through fifteen. We recently completed our first summer season with thirty girls, and it was so much fun. The daytime activities focused on the four D's: diet, dancing, discipline, and delayed gratification; things I learned at Julliard. During the evenings we worked on the Principles of Grace. We sat around a big campfire, and the girls took turns talking about their hopes and dreams. It was amazing to hear about their aspirations, to teach them the principles and to encourage them to reach for the stars. I must tell you that it was one of the most rewarding things I've ever been involved in and can't wait to do it again next summer.

I'm reminded of a lecture you once gave about how adversity can be a catalyst that enables people to evolve to a higher level of consciousness. It's interesting because, if I'd not been in the accident, I would not have reconnected with Joe, brought Jillian into the world, or started the summer camp. In short, I wouldn't have my wonderful and fulfilling life. In a sense I can see what you meant by evolution of consciousness. It was great to be a professional dancer, but if I'm totally honest, I must admit that it was an egocentric existence, one that was all about me. Now Jillian, Joe, and our summer camp for girls is the center of my world. To my own surprise I'm happier. The intention of the universe really is to perpetuate life. Now that my intentions (as a mother, a wife, and a mentor) are also to perpetuate life, I can see that everything's interconnected, that there really is a circle of life.

So, my mentor, my teacher, my friend, know that the medicine men's wisdom is being channeled through me to others and that you've enriched more people's lives than you could ever imagine.

Be the best that YOU can be...every day.

All my love,

Grace

Dear Mr. Benson: September 29, 2008

Life in the "Big City" has taken some interesting and exciting turns for me during the last calendar year. Shortly after my daughter was born, I became more and more interested in what happened to my parents. I knew that someday my little girl would ask about her grandparents and I wanted to have the right answers. So I hired a private investigator to look into the case. He immediately informed me that my father's death sentence had been commuted to life in prison without the possibility of parole. For me, this was a startling revelation. I wanted to know why he killed my mother, so I got his address and wrote him a letter. He wrote back immediately and asked whether I would come to see him in the prison visiting room. He promised that if I'd come, he'd tell me everything.

I only had a few memories of my father, but they were all good ones. He'd never been mean to me or my mother in any way. In fact, I couldn't even recall one spanking. The only thing I really remember was us playing games together and him reading bedtime stories to me. I didn't like the idea of going into a prison, but I had to find out how someone who was so loving could turn so violent.

The day of the visit was absolutely nerve-wracking. The process of getting into the visiting area took two hours, and the guards were nasty. They made the experience far more unpleasant than it had to be. As soon as I got there, my father told me that he was innocent. He said that he loved me and my mother more than the air he breathed. I'd never seen such conviction in a person's eyes. I had a flashback to a moment in my childhood when he'd made the exact same passionate statement. In that instant, I was certain he was telling me the truth. I can't really explain it, but it was just something that I instinctively knew, like the intuitive intelligence you often spoke about. We spent the entire day together just talking and sharing stories from our lives. When it was time to leave, he gave me a bear hug that I hoped would last forever. Even though I'm a grown woman, it felt wonderful being in my father's arms. I didn't want to let go of him, and I hated having to leave him in that horrible place.

Knowing that my father was alive and innocent changed everything. Talk about something giving my life purpose. I wasn't going to rest until I found a way to prove his innocence and get him out of prison. The private investigator and I went through every piece of evidence presented at his trial. It was shocking for me to see how someone could be given the death penalty when there was absolutely no direct evidence against them. There was some circumstantial evidence, but even that was flimsy given that the victim was his wife.

The prosecution's case focused on two separate bloodstains found at the scene of the crime. One was my mother's, and the fact that the other matched my father's blood type led to the conviction. That was prior to DNA testing. My father's appeals lawyer later had a DNA test on the blood, but it came back inconclusive. The private investigator said there wasn't much to go on. All he could think of was comparing the blood sample to a new national DNA database of convicted felons. He said that it was a long shot and very expensive. Joe and I took a second mortgage against our home to pay for it, and a conclusive match was made on a man who was already serving a life sentence for killing someone else. My father really was innocent. The killer confessed when the district attorney agreed not to pursue the death penalty, and my father was set free.

I've enclosed a plane ticket. I'd like you to come to New York to meet my dad, and also because I have a very special surprise for you. Hope to see you soon.

Love,

Grace
After reading the final letter, Daniel told his new students that he traveled to New York and was certainly surprised to discover that Grace's father, Max Gilmore, was one of the young boys he had taught to sail during that summer long ago aboard the _Awakening Grace_. Max told Daniel that while he was in prison, he had cried himself to sleep many nights. He prayed and asked God to give him an opportunity to someday teach his daughter the principles of the medicine men. Daniel became the answer to that prayer, and Max thanked him for playing such a significant role in his daughter's development.

Daniel responded by telling Max that it was he, Daniel, who should be giving thanks. He said that the letters that Grace wrote to him over the years became a powerful source of inspiration. More than anyone, she had given meaning to his life's work. Daniel recounted the night that Grace's name motivated him to tap into his intuitive intelligence and how she was the driving force that enabled him to reconnect with his own purpose in life. Max said that the _Awakening Grace_ had inspired his daughter's name, and the two men marveled at the interconnectedness of all things.

Max also informed Daniel that Free Spirit wrote to him at least once a month during his incarceration. The wise old medicine man continued to teach the Principles of Grace to at-risk kids right up until his death. The Captain went through his entire fortune and had to take a lien against his ship to keep the Last Chance program afloat. When he died, a bank repossessed the _Awakening Grace_. Fortunately, the government for the State of California paid Max twenty million dollars — one million for every year of his wrongful incarceration.

Max used some of the money to buy the _Awakening Grace_ and reestablish the program. His plans are to live out his life exactly as Free Spirit had, by taking small groups of troubled youths on sailing adventures and teaching them the Principles of Grace. Max told Daniel that he could use a teacher with Daniel's skills and asked if he would like to join him.

For Daniel, the offer was truly unbelievable. The opportunity to combine his two greatest passions, teaching and sailing, was the answer to a dream he had never even imagined. Daniel accepted Max's offer, and together they caught a flight back to California. They were eager to begin a new, exciting life of service to others.

The Last Chance program that Free Sprit originally developed with a juvenile court judge was quickly re-established. The boys with whom Daniel and Max worked that summer were all from the inner city, gang members who had their own deeply entrenched principles. They lived in a dog-eat-dog world, where drive-by shootings were a way of life. In their neighborhoods crack was sold on the street corners, and the local drug dealer was the most prominent model of economic success. Many children had situations so chaotic, if not horrific; they could not manage to get to school some days.44

Teaching the youngsters an entirely new set of values was difficult at first, but Max knew how to motivate them. After spending twenty years in the "Big House," he spoke their language. Each of the boys knew someone from his neighborhood who had been sent to prison, and Max was aware that deep down the boys all feared that they too would end up there some day. It was a way of life, a mindset that he felt could be changed through the Principles of Grace.

Daniel and Max spent the entire summer helping the boys identify their unique talents, explore the meaning of their lives, and develop a future vision of them, expressing their passions in ways that brought value or service to others. The three-month voyage provided numerous opportunities to teach the troubled youths the life skills they were lacking. A succession of sailing adventures brought up topics such as mapping a journey, connecting with others, and self-esteem, providing an ideal platform for group discussions about discipline, team building, and friendships. Daniel and Max wove the Principles of Grace into the fabric of their daily lives, and by summer's end they could see dramatic changes in the boys. However, when the time came to say goodbye, they both felt that they could do more to help.

With this thought in mind they decided to do some research into the gang phenomenon. They discovered the Juvenile Justice and Delinquency National Youth Gang Survey and learned that there were a million gang members active in 30,500 youth gangs in the United States. Youth gang members were estimated to be involved in more than 3,300 homicides annually, 28 percent of all larceny and motor vehicle theft, and 13 percent of all robberies. The problem was particularly acute in their home state of California, where juvenile detention facilities provided minimal rehabilitation, virtually guaranteeing that more troubled kids will major in a life of crime. Moreover, half of all juvenile offenders released from juvenile facilities commit new crimes.85

The two men began brainstorming about a way to help more juvenile offenders turn their lives around. Ultimately, they decided to build Awakening Grace, a middle-school/learning center hybrid offering a sixth-to-eighth-grade curriculum with project-based learning, use of technology, career exploration, and character development. The facility was specifically designed for youths who had been convicted of crimes. Working in coordination with juvenile court judges, they offered kids a "last chance" option to avoid incarceration in juvenile facilities. Daniel and Max both believed that if they took a child who was destined for a life of crime and ensconced him for three years in an educational environment that emphasized the Principle of Grace, he could be transformed into a productive member of society.

Daniel spent the entire first day of class explaining how their school came to be, reading Grace's letters and outlining the curriculum. He hoped to get the students excited about learning the Principles of Grace. Before dismissing class for the day he said: "Each and every one of you was born with a unique gift or talent and a purpose in life. My goal is to help you discover that purpose, to teach you how to nurture your special abilities, and to inspire you to achieve your highest potential as a human being."

# 

# ABOUT THE AUTHOR

John Barrett Hawkins is an author/public speaker/social entrepreneur who lives in San Diego, California. When he isn't giving delinquency prevention seminars at high schools, he focuses his energy on developing online coaching programs that empower people to get fit and achieve their goals in life.

Personal recommendations are the primary way that most people find good books to read. If you enjoyed this book, I would appreciate it if you would post a review on Amazon, even if its only a couple of lines.

To write a review, all you have to do is go to the book's page on Amazon. You will see a button that says "write a customer review" – click that button and tell the world what you thought about the book.

# Also by John Barrett Hawkins

PENITENTIARY FITNESS

When the California Department of Corrections took away their weights, the inmates created an ingenious exercise regimen using their own body weight. The push-up and pull-up type workouts enabled them to develop sleek, muscular physiques remarkably similar to those of Olympic gymnasts. Author John Barrett Hawkins immediately recognized that people in the "real world" would benefit from these training methods and set out to write _PENITENTIARY FITNESS._

With no professional credentials to speak of, Hawkins decided to base the book's recommendations on the findings of leading fitness and weight-loss authors and on research studies that were conducted at the world's top medical schools and universities. Over a 10-year period he studied hundreds of resources on the subjects of weight loss and fitness and applied that knowledge to the convict's unique style of training. The result is _THE AMAZING WEIGHT LOSS FORMULA_.

You will find:

• Medical Sciences 20 Fat Loss Secrets

• Cutting-edge strategies for men who want to build rock-hard muscles

• Proven tactics for women who want to trim their tummy or derrière

• An in-depth discussion on nutrition, plus a diet plan that will empower you to lose weight while eating six meals every day

• 36 delicious, healthy meal recipes

• 16 creative workouts that do not require equipment and can be performed at the park or in the convenience of your own home

"I went from 296 pounds to 190 pounds in just five months using _THE AMAZING WEIGHT-LOSS FORMULA_. The information in this book changed my life."

– Daniel Durland

"Barrett trained me for 6 months while I was in prison. I took 11 inches off my waist line and was in the best shape of my life."

Jim Moon

_"THE AMAZING WEIGHT LOSS FORMULA_ enabled me to reverse my diabetes in 3 months and lose 40 pounds. I was able to stop taking medications for diabetes and high blood pressure."

  * Lety Levy

#  THE DIRTY NASTY TRUTH

18 True Crime Stories and 10 Life in Prison Stories to Stop Juvenile Delinquency

When John Barrett Hawkins was incarcerated at Donovan State Prison in San Diego, he participated in a delinquency intervention program named Convicts Reaching out to People (CROP), where teenagers are brought into the prison to hear inmates speak about their crimes, gangs, bullying, drugs, self-esteem and prison life. CROP was founded on the belief that the best way to reach teenagers who are getting into trouble is through storytelling. Each convict stands before the group and gives a personal testimony concerning the crimes they committed and the lessons learned. In _The Dirty Nasty Truth_ , Hawkins brings this invaluable storytelling program to the general public. The book includes these chapters, among others:

• Hawkins' involvement in a million-dollar insurance fraud that was directly responsible for the murder of an innocent man

• Life in prison – including riots, rapes, murders and other horror stories

• The Blockbuster Bandit's story of armed robberies

• The story of a gang shootout that resulted in a double homicide

• The Deadly Love Triangle – is the tragic story of a prominent lawyer's encounter with a mysterious woman

• The Gentleman Bank Robber – a.k.a. Joe Jackson's Gateway drug story concerning a destructive cocaine addiction

• Tim Harris' sordid tale about gangbanging teenage girls as part of a gang initiation ritual

• The Party Animal – is the story of a happy-go-lucky surfer kid whose drug addiction leads to murder

Penitentiary Fitness Sample Sneak Preview
Chapter 1: HOOKED ON HEALTH

My name is John Barrett Hawkins. In 1987, at the age of 24, I was living the aspiring entrepreneur's dream. After failing miserably with my first three business ventures, I finally found a niche. My chain of retail clothing stores, Just Sweats, had grown from one location to 22 with annual revenues of 10 million dollars in just three years. With a growing list of franchise requests, the company was on the threshold of a national expansion. A sportswear magazine even interviewed me for an article they were writing about Just Sweats, and I boldly announced my goal of opening three hundred stores from coast to coast within five years. It was the happiest time of my life. I was in love with one of the sweetest, most gorgeous women on the planet, and my career had reached heights previously unimaginable. Little did I know it was all about to end.

Like many people who start their own business, I developed a profound emotional attachment to the company that I built. Along the way I also acquired an untamable attraction to risk. That combination proved toxic when my business partner proposed an insurance fraud that would enable me to reacquire his 45-percent ownership in Just Sweats. At that time I viewed insurance companies as corrupt, soulless entities, and faced no moral roadblock when it came to fleecing them. But something went wrong — very wrong. In the process of facilitating the fraud, my partner killed a man and I was held accountable. I was tried and convicted of conspiracy to commit murder and sentenced to twenty-five years to life in prison.

The insurance fraud was presented to me by my partner as a white-collar, victimless crime. In my lifetime I have never intentionally harmed another human being. I did not intend or suspect that my business partner would commit a murder; however, that did not, in any way, minimize my responsibility for the death of a man I did not even know. My ignorance of my partner's heinous actions was deemed completely irrelevant by the law. I should have considered the possible sinister consequences of the scheme. In retrospect, I realized that my role in the fraud was pivotal — had I not been a willing participant, the murder would not have happened. I faced the unfathomable truth that I was responsible for a homicide. I could not begin to imagine the horror that the victim's family experienced, or the agony that crushed their hearts. I felt overwhelming shame and deep sorrow for the pain I had caused them, and for the embarrassment I had caused my own family. My inner turmoil led to chronic depression, nervous breakdowns, and a suicide attempt.

The only thing that sustained me through this personal nightmare was the love of my wife, Amelia, and our five-year-old son, Luke. I had told Amelia about the fraud before I committed it. Knowing that I never intended to hurt anyone, she stood by me.

During the first two years of my life sentence Amelia and Luke spent their weekends with me in the prison visiting room. As soon as my son spotted me coming through the doors, he took off at a dead sprint, leaped into my arms and fiercely hugged me. I will always remember those hugs from my little boy as the purest moments of love that I have ever felt. Amelia was the best friend I've ever had; someone who supported me during my darkest hour. Her visits were an act of extraordinary generosity. My family's love nourished my damaged soul and offered me a chance to cling to them like a newborn. Unfortunately for me, that neediness and the stigma of being a convicted felon's wife eventually drove Amelia away.

After Amelia left, I entered the most painful period of my life. A sense of hopelessness and sadness consumed every fiber of my being. From the other convicts I learned that there are more than twenty thousand prisoners in the State of California with life sentences, and no one convicted of conspiracy to commit murder had been paroled in the last seventeen years. It was a blanket policy — life meant life. I was a man with no future. My only escape from the daily oppression was exercise, but even that was lost when I severely injured my hip and ankle. With absolutely no medical care, I was laid up for a year. The inactivity led to my gaining thirty pounds of body fat and the return of an old, debilitating lower back injury. Eventually, my physical pain became as severe as my psychological pain. Thoughts of suicide returned and began to dominate my mental process.

Around this time my friend Victoria, a forensic psychologist, sent me a book by Viktor Frankl, titled _Man's Search for Meaning,_ that would bring me back from the abyss. Frankl, an Austrian psychoanalyst who survived the death camps of Nazi Germany, made a significant discovery. During his three years of captivity he observed and evaluated his fellow inmates. He was intrigued by the question of what made it possible for some to survive the torture and starvation when most — 19 of every 20 — died. Those who perished had said they had no reason to live, and no longer expected anything from life. Frankl argued that they were wrong, stating, "Life's not accountable to us. We're accountable to life." And indeed it was this sense of accountability, this sense of purpose that was the common factor in the inmates who survived. They invariably expressed that they had loved ones to return to or some important work to do or a mission to perform.1

Frankl developed an extraordinary insight into mankind's instinctive need for purpose. He writes: "Everyone has a specific vocation or mission in life; everyone has a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment." These insights led Frankl to develop a new type of psychotherapy called "logo (the Greek word for meaning) therapy." Logo therapy regards its assignment as that of assisting the patient to find meaning in his life. It tries to help the patient become aware of what he longs for in the depths of his heart.2

What I longed for was redemption; to find some way of proving to my family and to the victim's family that I am not the type of person who could knowingly be involved in the killing of a fellow human being. True, I was indirectly responsible for a man's death, but I never intended for that to happen. I am not a murderer, and I certainly did not conspire with anyone to commit a murder. Frankl's book inspired me to look within and search for a way to prove my true character.

Another author who was instrumental in helping me find my way back to wellness was Stephen Covey. His book, _The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People_ , is in many ways a modern extension to Frankl's _purpose in life_ _therapy_. My criminal conviction, the negative publicity and the daily humiliation of the prison experience worked together to completely destroy my self-image and confidence. _7 Habits_ helped me convert that negative attitude into a positive attitude by encouraging me to focus my energy on serving others, particularly those in need. This led to an epiphany. I saw that my incarceration, if viewed from a fresh perspective, could be considered a rare opportunity. Entrepreneurs are creators of concepts. Essentially what entrepreneurs do during the pre-opening stages is conduct a lot of research, then create business concepts. My realization was that I could still do what I love most in life.

In _7 Habits,_ Covey writes: "Nothing has a greater, larger lasting impression upon another person than the awareness that someone has transcended suffering, has transcended circumstance and is embodying and expressing a value that inspires and enables and lifts life."3 This one sentence led to monumental changes in my life, a desire to be the guy who transcended suffering and circumstance to create something noble. I made a conscious decision to apply my skills as a businessman toward something more significant than financial gain — by developing a company whose primary objective is to improve the quality of people's lives — and amazing things began to happen. In time, I would find meaning in a seemingly meaningless existence and in some magical way my physical and psychological wounds began to heal.

Exactly what type of business I would develop began to take shape while I was reading Dr. Deepak Chopra's classic, _Ageless Body, Timeless Mind_. The book's emphasis is on mind-body medicine. I found myself analyzing my mother's health condition. Over a three-year period she had suffered an endless series of illnesses and ailments that her doctors never properly diagnosed. This was preceded by a prolonged bout of clinical depression. A search for the cause was not difficult; in just three years she lost the three people she was closest to. First, her mother died. Next, her lifelong best friend of 40 years lost her life to cancer. Finally, her son was sent to prison with a life sentence. She was alone in the world and her depression had manifested itself in the form of physical ailments.

Chopra's book provided a concise explanation of how my mother's mental anguish led to her health problems. It also enabled me to see that her three years of suffering could have been reduced to three months with a proper mind-body diagnosis and a pro-active recovery plan. I did some research and quickly realized that, just like my mother, millions of suffering people were not getting the proper treatment. So, I decided to focus my passion for business on designing a health care facility that would fill the obvious void. In time, it became my personal mission, "my concrete assignment that demanded fulfillment."

Early on, a man named Ken O'Donnell, a high-ranking IBM executive and former _Inc Magazine_ "Entrepreneur of the Year" award winner befriended me. Ken was suffering from the neurological disorder Lou Gehrig's Disease, and had a keen interest in the mind-body observations I was making. During the twilight of his life Ken became my mentor. Through letters and phone conversations we discussed a number of possibilities for a new kind of treatment center. He explained the emerging role the Internet was playing in health care and guided me through various strategies for developing a business in the New Economy. Of particular significance was something that he taught me about fund raising. Ken said that venture capitalists are attracted to business plans supported by the world's top futurists, and instructed me to study their books and reports. In one of these books, _The Experience Economy_ , authors B. Joseph Pine and James H. Gilmore suggest:

Everyone faced with a tremendous personal loss must go through a series of experiences such as shock, depression, confusion, guilt and anger before recovery can occur. How much better can we handle these stages and more quickly be transformed from grief to normal living when someone — minister, counselor or friend — guides us, than when we are left alone. In the same way all transformation elicitors guide aspirants through a series of experiences.4

This information made a lot of sense to me, because both my mother and I faced a tremendous personal loss. For my mother, it was the death of her own mother, her closest friend and her son's imprisonment. For me, it was the loss of my wife and son, my freedom and my self-respect. We both experienced each of these stages the authors described. However, there was a significant difference in our ability to recover. Where my mother's recovery took many years, mine actually occurred during one 12-week window of time; the primary difference being that I was guided by various _transformation elicitors._

Viktor Frankl and Stephen Covey guided me through a transformation that gave my life meaning. During the same time frame that I was making these psychological changes, I met a young convict named Billy Dase who had just completed Bill Phillips' _Trans-formation Challenge_ , a 12-week diet and exercise regimen that produces amazing physiological changes. Billy encouraged me to read Phillips' book, _Body-for-Life_ , then challenged me to do the program with him. I was 30 pounds overweight and out of shape, so I decided to give it a try. The workout component consists of three 45-minute sessions of high-intensity resistance training and three 20-minute sessions of high-intensity cardiovascular exercise every week for 12 weeks. In the beginning it was grueling. My body was sore all the time. On several occasions I wanted to quit, but Billy kept pushing and challenging me. Peer pressure can be a powerful motivator. At week six I started seeing results and that got me over the hump. The end of the program coincided with my thirty-seventh birthday. I was in the best shape of my life and actually had developed a body like one of those guys on the cover of _Men's Health_ magazine. But more importantly, the pains in my hip, ankle and lower back were gone. The body aches I had endured for more than three years had completely disappeared. And so had my depression.

The latest studies from the field of psychoneuroimmunology demonstrate that rigorous physical exercise can be a powerful weapon in the war against depression. In his book, _Body-for-Life_ , Bill Phillips addresses this issue:

The people who took the Transformation Challenge were getting physically fit, and they were getting their lives back in shape. It was, and still is, one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. Accepting this challenge rekindled the flame of desire for tens of thousands, and it broke down walls that were keeping people from moving forward in all areas of their lives.

Many of the men and women who accepted my challenge reported that the program literally saved their lives. Their risk of heart disease —the number-one killer in America today — was drastically lowered, as well as the risk of being afflicted with other illness, such as diabetes, cancer and osteoporosis.

Beyond even that, the psychological and emotional changes reported by these men and women were (and are) stunning. They described off-the-chart leaps in self-confidence, self-respect, and empowerment. They discovered that taking control of their bodies broke down barriers all around them. 5

I had the exact same experience discussed by Phillips. Even though serving a life sentence in prison, I felt good about myself and the things I was working on. My recovery from suicidal depression and chronic lower back, hip and ankle pain might never have occurred without the guidance I received from Viktor Frankl, Steven Covey, Bill Phillips, Billy Dase and Gary Kraftsow, my yoga instructor. In a very real sense, they were my _transformation elicitors_. Looking objectively at my recovery made it clear that I had unwittingly infused my system with a number of harmonizing influences within that 12-week period: strength training, aerobic training, yoga, a healthy diet, purpose in life therapy, vitamins and nutritional supplements (I was taking glucosamine sulfate, which several studies reported causes the body to produce new joint cartilage). I firmly believe the combination of these harmonizing influences created a synergistic effect, thus accelerating my return to optimal mental and physical health.

Another futurist that Ken recommended was the Institute of the Future, who predict: "Mental illness, particularly clinical depression, will eventually eclipse cancer as the leading cause of disability in the United States." At first glance, this prediction seemed a bit far-fetched. But in considering how my mother's depression led to a host of other health problems, I was able to see the underlying truths. The research on depression shows that it makes other serious diseases dramatically worse. Heart disease leads a long list of illnesses that worsen with depression. People with such illnesses as cancer, arthritis, epilepsy and osteoporosis all run a higher risk of disability or premature death when clinically depressed.6

I had intimate knowledge of the evil that is depression, and thanks to my "health mentors," I had also gained an understanding of how to combat the problem. I saw that the process of overcoming depression, as well as being overweight or even having back problems, could be much quicker and less arduous if people have _transformation elicitors_ to guide them through the changes they need to make.

In _The Experience Economy_ , Pine and Gilmore predict that what is coming next is the _Transformation Economy_. They believe businesses that focus on transforming some aspect of the consumer's life will achieve market dominance. In accessing this prediction, I quickly recognized that Bill Phillips (Transformation Challenge) was a successful pioneer in the Transformation Economy. I was granted one of those moments of exceptional clarity that allows you to see things at a deeper level of meaning. I had stumbled onto something quite significant and wanted to share it with the rest of the world by designing a medical center where suffering individuals could undergo a health care transformation. I wanted to develop a _transformation center_.

From my prison cell I spent the next 10 years researching and designing an entirely new type of health care establishment called "Hooked On Health." From the beginning I saw that I had an opportunity that businessmen in the "real world" could only dream of: An infinite amount of time to conduct research and create. For years all I did was read and apply what I learned to the task at hand. I read hundreds of books by cutting-edge physicians and innovative entrepreneurs, and integrated their wisdom into the Hooked On Health business plan.

One of the best books I discovered on creating health is _Ultraprevention,_ by Dr. Mark Liponis and Dr. Mark Hyman. Their medical model is information based; a system of treatment derived from the scientific study of health. These doctors took the time to keep up with research studies and incorporate the newest discoveries.7

I followed their lead, and medical research studies became the foundation upon which Hooked On Health was built. The treatment model is based on the principles of mind-body medicine, which encourages patients to get in touch with their purpose in life and pursue peak physical conditioning as the ultimate form of prevention. These objectives will be facilitated through an evolutionary concept — Self-Care Mentorship — in which doctors and other health care professionals will utilize a series of seminars, courses and workshops to teach their patients methods of extreme self-care. The mentorship forum will be combined with lifestyle coaching and personal-fitness training sessions with the expectation that the cross-fertilization will guide people to optimal health. These core competencies, offered in a cost-effective mini-group formula and dynamically connected as 12-week transformation programs, will serve as the foundation for _Pro-Active Health Care,_ a new, action-based paradigm in behavioral medicine.

During the period of time that I was designing Hooked On Health, I met a sixty-eight-year-old, retired fireman named Charlie who was in prison for killing a gang member who had raped his fourteen-year-old daughter. Charlie was sentenced to sixteen years for manslaughter. The thought of dying in prison led to extreme depression and an overwhelming sense of guilt. Charlie was a father of six and a devoted husband. The entire incident had devastated his wife and he also shouldered the burden of her pain. Charlie is a good man. He had never previously broken the law and spent most of his adult life working to better his community. I wanted to help and offered to guide him through the transformation program I had learned from Billy. Charlie had not exercised in ten years and initially was not receptive to the prospect of intense training. However, I was successful in persuading him to read _Ageless Body, Timeless Mind_. One entire section of the book studies centenarians (individuals who live for more than one hundred years) and emphasized regular exercise as a critical component in longevity. Charlie saw an opportunity to outlive his sentence and return to his family.

So, he agreed to let me train him. The first few weeks were brutal. He was so sore he could not even get out of bed on a number of occasions. I motivated him by preaching that if he got in top physical condition, he would someday get to go home. Charlie stuck with it and by the end of the program was a new man. Not only did his body look like that of a professional athlete, but also his depression completely disappeared. He became optimistic about his future, enrolling in a Bible College and making plans to become a minister.

I vividly recall a day when he took off his shirt, flexed a brilliantly sculptured double bicep and said to me, "Hey kid, take a look at your handiwork." It warmed my heart to see the old rooster strut. After our workouts he often said, "I feel so good, thanks to you." Knowing that I was instrumental in helping Charlie find his way back to health and happiness was rewarding. Every time he thanked me, I was reminded of how important my Hooked On Health mission is and how grateful I am to have discovered the meaning of my own life.

Charlie really opened my eyes to the role a transformation center could play in longevity, anti-aging and the quality of a senior citizen's life. In the beginning, Charlie could not do a single pull-up. By the end of the program he could bring maximum intensity to every exercise for a full forty-five-minute workout. I even had him doing wind sprints three days a week. The effect this had on his self-esteem and sense of vitality was stunning. Charlie felt younger, stronger and more in control of his life. At the age of sixty-eight he had transformed his body from that of a flabby old man to a physique every bit as muscular and sculptured as that of a bodybuilder. Every morning he looked in the mirror and felt good about himself, which certainly played a major role in his ability to overcome depression.

Charlie's impressive physique and newfound physical prowess quickly became the talk of the prison yard. He was running circles around convicts half his age. Word got around, and it was not long before another man, Jim, asked me to train him. Jim was forty-seven years of age and nearly a hundred pounds overweight. From my research, I knew that 65 percent of the American population was overweight and that excess fat leads to an array of other health problems including heart disease, diabetes, stroke, high blood pressure, and certain types of cancer. I wanted Hooked On Health to offer weight-loss transformation programs, so this was a challenge I could not refuse. I decided I would learn everything there was to know about losing weight and dedicated myself to helping Jim overcome his obesity.

As Jim and I got to know one another, I learned that he was also an entrepreneur. He had owned a small business and had experience in franchising. He also had an addiction to methamphetamine and easy money. This was his third time in prison as a result of selling drugs, and he was determined to break the pattern. He spent two years in a prison drug rehabilitation program called Amity and got straight for the first time in his adult life. Jim confided in me his desire to work with addicts when he got out.

I shared my dream of opening Hooked On Health, and he convinced me that the transformation center should offer programs for drug abusers. Jim felt that the training regimen through which I was guiding him (exercise, diet and purpose in life therapy) complemented the group therapy he was getting with Amity and had been instrumental in helping him overcome his addiction. He was involved in a training course to become an Amity counselor and had a wealth of knowledge about fighting drug abuse. I learned that 75 percent of the men in prison had committed crimes that were drug-related.

Dr. Chopra describes drug abuse as a lack of exultation; meaning that something is missing from a person's life and they are using drugs to fill the void. According to mind-body medicine the cure is to help users get in touch with their purpose in life, to replace the high of the drugs with the exultation of _meaning._ I explained this to Jim and he agreed with me wholeheartedly. Jim has three children and he said that fulfilling his responsibilities as a father is what gave his life meaning and purpose; he started developing a plan to enable him to do just that when he got out. At the same time he was becoming involved in assisting me with Hooked On Health. We worked on mock-up transformation programs and eventually designed a drug rehab program that combined purpose in life therapy, group therapy and intense physical training.

Over time I came to believe that Jim could help me get the business off the ground. During our workouts we discussed the intricacies of the business plan and worked on his presentation. Jim worked out hard and maintained strong discipline on his diet. In the course of six months he took eleven inches off a flabby waistline and put his body in peak physical condition. His transformation was incredible both physically and psychologically. By the time of his release I was confident that he was the right person to represent my vision.

Shortly after Jim went home, I received the following letter from him, which I would like to share with you. In the letter he refers to me as "Cap," which is short for Captain, and is in reference to my work as a yacht skipper many years ago.

My Friend "Cap,"

As I stated in the letter to my brother, just saying goodbye seemed to leave a void. Sometimes in parting important thoughts and emotions are easier expressed when written, which is why I felt compelled to write this to you.

Although our time together has been relatively short, I feel that the time spent had essential characteristics of high merit. "Quality," know it or not, you were a true inspiration. Thanks to you, I look and feel like a new man. Thank you for guiding me through my transformation. You truly are a "Transformation Elicitor."

As the Captain of my sea into tomorrow, I give you a true heartfelt thanks for allowing me to be your first mate. Know that I will give 110% to our quest. I'm excited to be a part of your vision. And 1 hope you know I share in it as well.

So my mentor, my Captain, my friend — this is not a goodbye, but it is a letter of hope and aspiration for you. Know that you have made a great and wonderful change in my life. Keep doing the things that you do, know that God will bless you sooner than you can imagine.

With love,

Your Friend and First Mate, Jim

The letter unleashed a flood of emotion and I could not control the tears that ran down my face. I had worked so hard for so many years, but rarely had there been a sign that it had been worth the effort. But, like Charlie before him, Jim's transformation reminded me of how important this work is and of the impact Hooked On Health could have in people's lives.

Two weeks after Jim got out; he met with a San Diego attorney whom he had known for years. The two men spent hours going over every detail of the business plan. The attorney loved the concept and said he knew some investors in Las Vegas who might be interested in funding the business. Unfortunately, Jim never got the opportunity to meet with them because of the 9-11 terrorist attack on Manhattan's Twin Towers. The economy went south, Vegas in particular. The investors the lawyer had lined up were no longer looking at any new deals, and rightfully so. It was the absolute worst time to open a new business. Jim and I joined the rest of the country in a national state of depression.

I spent the first couple of months following 9-11 feeling sorry for myself. The media naysayers were predicting a prolonged recession and for a period of time I lost sight of my vision. When Hooked On Health was put on an indefinite back burner, my sense of purpose vanished. Like a rudderless ship caught in a rip tide, I drifted into the shadowy prison underworld. The gray walls, the barbed wire, guards barking out orders, horrendous people with whom I had to deal on a daily basis, my own lack of exultation — the prison world soon became unbearable.

I desperately wanted to connect with people in the "real world" who shared my dream of developing a medical center, where individuals in need could transform their lives. But fear of rejection had wounded me. I had been convicted of an intolerable crime and could not conceive of a way to overcome my status of "life prisoner." Self-pity and procrastination became my maladies, destroying my inner confidence and willingness to take chances. My dream was dying because I saw myself as Americans view all convicted felons — a piece of garbage discarded by society. The bad thoughts returned in abundance. At this crossroads in my life all forms of escapism looked appealing, and I could not conceive of a way to change that.

Intuitively, my mother seemed to know how to pull me out of the doldrums. On Thanksgiving Day she suggested that I write a health and fitness book detailing the transformation program through which I had guided Charlie and Jim. A convict's approach to fitness! She said that there was nothing like it. And she was correct — convicts use training methods of which most people have never even heard. I liked the idea immediately because it would enable me to recapture my focus on serving others.

The prison workout program I learned from Billy had evolved into something truly unique. Even though conceived on the principles of _Body-for-Life_ , the program was really quite different. Since the California prison system does not allow the inmates to use weights, Billy found a way to stimulate every muscle group through a rather ingenious high-intensity, bodyweight exercise training regimen. By bodyweight training I mean pull-up and push-up type exercises. Over time, I have interviewed other convicts who developed extraordinary physiques and incorporated their methods. I have also added yoga, some Pilates and a cardiovascular regimen used by world-class athletes. These elements, combined with the insights gained from my decade-long study of nutrition and mind-body medicine, came together to form a peak athletic performance and optimal health transformation program that I call _Penitentiary Fitness ._

In my personal opinion, Olympic gymnasts and sprinters (both male and female) have the most beautiful physiques on the planet. Thus, I designed the exercise component of the transformation program to emulate their training methods. When you combine the athletic grace of gymnastics (pushing and pulling one's own bodyweight) with the explosiveness of all-out sprinting, the results are extraordinary: powerful, multifunctional muscles with extremely sharp lines of definition. The bodyweight training program aspires to help you build a beautiful body, but perhaps more importantly, the system is designed to help you live a longer, healthier life. It will also drastically lower your risk of many diseases, including heart disease, cancer, diabetes, osteoporosis and arthritis. It will strengthen your heart, your cardiovascular system, your immune system, and increase your balance, flexibility and coordination. Thus, peak athletic performance becomes the ultimate form of disease and injury prevention.

Since I am not a doctor or even a certified personal fitness trainer, I decided to base the program's recommendations on insights from leading weight loss and fitness authors, including Dr. Mark Hyman, Dr. Nicholas Perricone, Dr. Robert Atkins, Dr. Jeff Volek, Bill Phillips, and Mark Lauren, among others; and on research studies conducted at the world's top medical schools and universities. As previously mentioned, medical research studies were the foundation upon which the transformation center business concept was built. "The treatment model was derived from the scientific study of health and incorporated the newest discoveries."7 Research studies provide a fascinating look at the inner-workings of the human body and at the same time can inspire _us_ to make changes that will improve the quality of our own lives.

Over the last 10 years I have read hundreds of published studies on the subject of weight loss, and I began to see patterns within the information. One medical school would discover that a particular food, nutritional supplement or type of exercise would produce dramatic results; then another research facility would analyze the same stimulus and confirm its effectiveness for weight loss. These findings inspired me to cross-reference and synthesize all of the relevant information, and what emerged was _The Amazing Weight Loss Formula._ This formula evolved from a simple and logical insight: When a person does everything that modern science dictates should be done to lose weight, then they will have the best possible results.

The research revealed that developing muscle mass through high-intensity resistance training was by far the most significant factor in weight loss. When you add muscle, you're resting metabolic rate speeds up. According to Mark Lauren, author of _You Are You're Own_ _Gym: The Bible of Bodyweight Exercises,_ "The resting metabolic rate is the amount of calories needed to sustain all of your body's functions while at rest. The resting metabolic rate accounts for approximately 65% of your body's total calorie consumption, activity burning the remainder.8

"Lean body mass accounts for approximately 80% of your resting metabolic rate."9 That's a significant statistic that explains why developing muscle mass through high-intensity resistance training is so important for people who want to lose weight. It is also why a convict's approach to weight loss could be revolutionary. Convicts train at off-the-chart levels of intensity and that leads to extraordinary results.

It is also important to note that this result was exactly the same for women. In fact, women will find bodyweight exercises and workouts to be an ideal way to burn fat, trim their tummy and shape their derriere. Many women refuse to lift weights because they fear becoming too muscular, or don't want to exercise at a gym with a bunch of guys staring at them. Getting too muscular is a misconception created by the appearance of female bodybuilders, most of who take steroids. Normal women simply do not have enough testosterone to develop big muscles.10 Going to a gym is also a non-issue because the _Penitentiary Fitness_ workouts do not require any equipment. Bodyweight workouts can be done in the park, at the beach, or even in one's own backyard. By exercising outdoors we gain the added benefit of connecting with nature. Sunshine, fresh air and beautiful scenery nourish the body, mind and soul.

A look ahead: Chapter 2 lists medical science's top twenty fat-loss secrets. Chapter 3 suggests that you get your aerobic training by engaging in high-intensity sports and other activities that you enjoy. Chapter 4 explains exactly how muscles develop and why bodyweight workouts are invaluable for weight loss. Chapter 5 emphasizes the need for rest and provides techniques that will help you sleep better and recover faster. Chapter 6 breaks down the science of nutrition in terms that are easy to understand. Chapter 7 takes that nutrition information and shows you how to create your own meal plans.

The remaining sections of the book focus primarily on personal motivation and the various workout plans. Chapter 8 relates the story of Daniel Durland, a young man who lost 110 pounds of body fat in five months using the _Penitentiary Fitness_ system and discusses the virtues of infusing your life (and workouts) with purpose. Chapter 9 matches individual objectives with specific bodyweight workout plans. Chapter 10 explains the importance of warming up before a training session and cooling down afterward. Chapter 11, the 20-Minute Total Body Workout, explains a prison workout designed for busy, time-starved individuals. Chapters 12 and 13 detail bodyweight training routines that will help you develop a body similar to that of an Olympic gymnast. Chapter 14 discusses the most advanced prison exercises and workouts for both muscle development and fat loss. Chapter 15 offers a preview of my next book, _Principles of Grace: A Parable to Find Meaning in Life_. And finally, Chapter 16 provides illustrations and step-by-step instructions for each of the bodyweight exercises. Most of the chapters are brief and concise, some only a few pages, but all are power-packed with the knowledge you will need to achieve optimal health and to develop your best body.

The Dirty Nasty Truth: Sneak Preview
Chapter 3: Blockbuster Bandits

Matt Maroki started shoplifting in junior high school. In the beginning, he stole candy from 7-11 and other convenience stores because he liked the excitement and thrill of doing something illegal. He got away with it every time. In high school, Matt shoplifted from clothing stores. It was easy; he would simply walk into a store wearing baggy clothes, select several outfits, and head for the changing room. Matt would try on all the different clothes and interact with the store's staff. He asked for their opinion regarding which outfit looked the best on him. When he exited the changing room, he wore the items he planned to steal under his baggy clothes. To divert attention, Matt always purchased something inexpensive, such as a pair of socks. He never got caught. Matt did not once consider the potential consequences of his shoplifting or the fact that he was planting dark seeds that would grow dangerously out of control.

The flashpoint in Matt's criminality was marijuana. One evening when Matt was 15 years old, he got stoned at the home of his neighbor, Cody Smith. Cody's 6'10" height and full beard gave one the impression he was a grown man. He wasn't. Cody was a 17-year-old high school senior. He was the center on the school's basketball team. Also present at Cody's house was Tony Barnes, a mischievous hillbilly from the Appalachian Mountains in eastern Kentucky. Everybody on the basketball team called Tony "Wildcat" because he was constantly yapping about the Kentucky Wildcats college basketball team. Wildcat was an 18-year-old senior point guard. Matt was the team's equipment manager and statistician. He hero-worshiped the two seniors and did whatever they asked him to do.

"Dude, this is some killer weed," Cody said. "Where'd you score it?"

"I stole it from a Bigfoot," the wisecracking Wildcat replied as he blew smoke rings into the air. "You want it back?"

"I got your Bigfoot right here, numbnuts," Cody fired back as he grabbed his crotch.

"Your momma's a Bigfoot. Your daddy's a Bigfoot. And that ugly sister of yours with the bushy unibrow across her forehead is definitely a Bigfoot. If any one of ya'll was caught rummaging through the garbage for food back home, you'd get shot. Ya'll are lucky you live in California where Bigfoots are on the endangered species list."

"This coming from the inbred, incestuous love child of a mother and father who are first cousins." Cody laughed.

"Ain't nothing wrong with cousins gittin' married," Wildcat teased. "The first time I had sex was with my stepsister."

"Hillbilly trailer trash!" Cody howled, and the room filled with marijuana induced laughter.

Matt loved the infantile, fun-loving interplay between the two older boys. He loved smoking pot and hanging out with his friends.

"Dude, I got fired from my job at the liquor store," Cody said.

"What happened?" Matt questioned.

"It was totally bogus. They accused me of stealing a case of vodka."

"Did you steal it?"

"Fuck no. I think it was that Indian turd, Deepak. He's the owner's precious son. Fucking asshole. I needed that job. My car needs new tires and new brakes and the insurance is already through the roof. When my parents find out, they'll take the car away."

"That's not going to work," Wildcat said. "It's a crappy Toyota, but we gotta have transportation. Are you sure Bigfoots need insurance?"

"Fucking Indian turds, they did me wrong, dude. I have the combination to the safe at the liquor store. I'd like to steal them blind."

"Maybe you should," Wildcat encouraged. "How much do you think is in the safe?"

"I'm not going to rip them off. I was just talking smack."

"Why not?" Wildcat pressed. "They screwed you over. They got it coming. I'll help you do it."

"I will, too," Matt joined the conversation. "Seriously, how much do you think is in the safe?"

"Quite a bit if we did it on a Sunday night. The owner puts the sales receipts from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday in the safe and doesn't go to the bank until Monday morning. There's at least $3,000 a day."

"Do you think it would be difficult to break in?" Wildcat continued to press for details. He was into using drugs and always short of cash.

"I don't think so. There are two back doors. One is just a screen gate. The other one is weak, but it has a metal latch with a lock on the inside. It might take some work, but I think we could get it open with some bolt cutters. The good thing is the entire back area is completely cut off and hidden by seven-foot-high brick walls."

Wildcat took control of the planning. It was decided that Cody and Matt would handle the break in. They would dress in black clothes and wear ski masks, because the liquor store had a security camera. They would purchase irregular sized shoes in case they left any shoe prints. Wildcat would be the getaway driver. He would remain in the car, which would be parked a block away.

The caper was planned for 3:00 a.m. The kids drove past the liquor store, which was located in San Fernando Valley. The street wasn't busy with traffic during the day, and in the middle of the night it was a ghost town. Their timing seemed to be perfect.

Cody and Matt made their way to the secluded area behind the store. They busted through the mesh screen door without difficulty. The main door was made out of metal, but it was flimsy and weak. The boys snipped away at it with the bolt cutters and bent the metal back with the crowbar until the inside latch was visible. They broke the inside latch with the bolt cutters. They threw their shoulders into the door and crashed through it. An alarm sounded off like the siren of a fire engine.

"Run!" Matt shrieked.

The two kids sprinted to the getaway car. Wildcat was disappointed. He needed the money to settle his drug debts. When they were halfway home, he decided to turn around.

The kids drove past the liquor store. The alarm was still ringing, but it wasn't very loud. They drove to the gas station across the street. While they were pumping gas, the alarm stopped. They waited another 10 minutes, but the police never arrived.

The boys decided to proceed with their plan to rob the liquor store; however, this time Wildcat decided to park close enough so that he could see the front door and honk three short beeps if the cops showed up.

Cody and Matt hopped the back wall and went in through the wide open door. Matt filled a backpack with bottles of booze while Cody opened the safe. He took all of the cash and two pistols, a snub-nose 38 Special and chrome 357 Magnum. They were in and out in a flash.

The take from the liquor store burglary was $12,000, which the teenagers split evenly. Matt had his own money for the first time in his life. He enjoyed buying gifts for his siblings and girls he wanted to impress. He went to nightclubs, slipping the bouncers a $100 bill to allow him and his young friends entry. He partied all of the loot away in just five weeks.

When the money ran out, the three juvenile delinquents made the decision to commit an armed robbery. Wildcat's older brother worked at a Blockbuster movie rental store. Wildcat pressed him with questions concerning the store's management procedures, daily receipts, alarms, and safes. Then he formulated a step-by-step plan for the robbery. Wildcat was the mastermind and the getaway driver. Matt and Cody would execute the plan.

Blockbuster closed at 10:00 p.m. It took approximately 30 minutes for the store manager to tally the day's sales, which were kept in a safe in the back office. An additional employee vacuumed the floor and cleaned up. After completing their duties, the manager turned on the alarm. The two employees exited through the store's front door.

It was at this precise moment Cody and Matt arrived on the scene, wearing their black robbery clothes and ski masks.

"Get back in the store," Cody demanded as he pointed the 38 Special at the two employees.

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the store manager. She was a voluptuous, beautiful young woman with white-blonde hair and brilliant, aqua-colored eyes. "Please don't hurt me."

"We are not going to hurt you," Cody replied, waving the pistol in the direction of the manager's office. "We just want the money."

"Do you want me to frisk her?" Matt questioned with a husky voice, suddenly inspired by the manager's extraordinary good looks.

"Shut up, perve," Cody barked. "Stick to the plan."

The other employee was an overweight teenage boy with long hair and terrible acne. Matt thought he recognized the kid from school. "Let's go, fart-breath," Matt snarled. "Over there, in the aisle. Give me your car keys and your cell phone. Sit down and don't say anything." Matt saw the terror that registered in the young man's face. Holding the 357 Magnum, Matt felt powerful and in complete command of the situation. He wasn't the least bit afraid.

Cody took the manager to the office. "First, turn off the alarm."

The woman was so frightened that she got the code wrong three times before she was able to turn off the alarm.

"Now the safe," Cody ordered. "Don't do anything stupid."

Cody towered over the woman as she worked the combination lock back and forth. Her hands were trembling.

"Take a deep breath. It's going to be okay. I promise we won't hurt you," Cody reassured her.

Click. The safe opened.

"Put the money in this bag." He pulled out a black plastic garbage bag.

The manager quickly stuffed the money into the bag. Cody then brought her back to the front of the store and sat her next to the other employee.

"Did you get her cell phone and car keys?" Matt asked.

"I forgot."

"Get them while I go back in the office and cut the phone line."

The teenagers ran out of the store and found Wildcat, who was parked a block away. They drove to Cody's house and went down to the basement to count the money.

"That was the craziest fucking thing I ever did in my life." Cody exclaimed. "I'm still shaking."

"You should have seen how fine the store manager was," Matt added. "She looked like a movie star."

"Numbnuts here asked if he could frisk her. What a pervert!"

Wildcat didn't hear a word they were saying. He was focused on counting the money. When he finished, he whistled loudly. "Are you ready for this? We got $24,925! Hell, yeah!"

Over the next four months the teenagers, who became known as the "Blockbuster Bandits," robbed six more Blockbuster movie rental shops all over the San Fernando Valley. The robberies were executed to perfection.

Everything went well with the robbery of the eighth Blockbuster store; however, when they were sprinting away from the store Matt and Cody were still wearing their ski masks and carrying their pistols. They ran directly past a police car driving in the opposite direction.

The cop slammed on the brakes. He exited his vehicle, pulled out his gun, and yelled, "Get on the ground, mother-fuckers!"

The kids kept running down the sidewalk. Then the cop screamed the words that stopped them cold: "Freeze...or I'll shoot!"

Cody and Matt were merely 50 yards away from the cop. The kids put down their weapons and sprawled flat on the pavement. Six additional police cars arrived moments later. The teenagers were handcuffed and taken to separate squad cars.

Wildcat was sitting in his car just 20 yards away. The cops pointed their guns and ordered him to get out of the car. For some unknown reason, Wildcat yelled, "I'm with them."

Later that night at the Sheriff's station, the boys confessed to all eight robberies of the Blockbuster stores. The next morning the boys were separated. Matt was taken to Juvenile Hall, where his personal nightmare began.

Matt soon discovered that Juvenile Hall is a violent place. During the first two days he was held in a single cell for observation. A 17-year-old Mexican gang member named Demon came to Matt's cell and asked, "Who you running with?"

Matt studied Demon with the cautious curiosity of an astronaut who had just landed on a hostile, distant planet. Demon was short, but powerfully built. He was covered with sadistic tattoos. He had a spider-web tattoo on his neck, two teardrops below his eyes, the word "Fuck" on one eyelid and "Y.A." (Youth Authority) on the other. He exuded a menacing aura of danger. To Matt, Demon was an alien life form. He wanted nothing to do with him.

"I'm not running with anybody, I just got here."

"I know that, dickwad. What race are you?"

"I'm Persian."

"Persian, what the fuck is a Persian?"

"I was born in Afghanistan, but raised in California. My family is Christian."

"I didn't ask for your fucking sad sack life story. Are you running with us or the Maiate?"

"What's a Maiate?"

"You some kind of fucking moron? A Maiate is a nigger."

"I'm defiantly not with the Blacks." Matt's father was a racist who hated black people. He wasn't allowed to have black friends.

"Good. Then you'll run with us."

"Who is us?" Matt had no idea what the kid was talking about.

"You're a smart-ass punk. I'm going to kick your fucking ass the first night you get in the dorm," Demon steamed. He walked away from the cell.

Demon was true to his word. The first night after Matt was transferred from the observation cell to the general population, 96-man dorm, Demon attacked him while he was asleep. Demon cracked Matt in the head with a sock loaded with bars of soap.

Matt leaped out of his bunk, dazed and disoriented. He put up his fists, ready to fight. Before he could throw a punch, Demon took his legs out from under him with a sweeping leg kick. Demon took Matt to the ground, and pummeled him with a barrage of punches to the face. Matt tried to fight back, to get up, to get away, but he could not escape. Demon overpowered him and beat him unmercifully.

"Gimme your shoes, Camel Jockey," Demon snarled.

"My shoes?" Matt was confused. "Why?"

"Because I said, so punk." Demon punched Matt in the mouth and raise his fists to swing again.

"You can have the damn shoes," Matt said weakly. "I give up."

Matt removed his $150 Nike tennis shoes and handed them to the menacing gang member. Only then did he realize that 30 other Mexican kids were grouped around him.

"You're my bitch now, Camel Jockey," Demon said, laughing. He and his homeboys dispersed, leaving Matt battered and frightened.

The next morning Matt was cornered by a gargantuan black kid named "Knockout." The guy was 6'5" tall and 270 pounds of rippling muscle. Knockout was the dorm's Tyrannosaurus Rex; the undisputed alpha male. He had the heart of a bully and a thug's mentality.

"Why'd you let them Mexicans punk you for your shoes?"

Matt didn't know what to say to the giant black kid.

"What did they call you? Camel Jockey? You some kind of Arab?"

Matt found his voice. "I'm Persian. I'm not Arab, I'm a Christian. I was raised in the San Fernando Valley."

"That makes you an Other," Knockout explained. "The Others run with the Blacks."

"I'm not allowed to hang out with black kids. My father won't let me."

Matt knew he had just made a monumental mistake by the look on Knockout's face. His eyes smoldered with satanic fury.

"Racist!" Knockout yelled. He delivered a thunderous, open-handed blow to the side of Matt's head. The haymaker punch that followed crashed into Matt's face with the force of a sledgehammer. His nose exploded with blood as he crumbled to the ground.

Later that day, Matt watched as the Black and Mexican gangs faced off over whose bitch Matt would be. Matt's $150 Nike tennis shoes suggested that he had money, which both gangs sought to control. The Blacks and Others had assembled on one side of the dorm, while the Mexicans and Whites gathered on the other. Knockout and Demon were arguing in between. Their poisonous hatred toward one another permeated the air. The atmosphere in the dormitory was electric.

Demon turned to his homeboys and said something in Spanish. The Mexican gang members circled like a pack of coyotes. Knockout threw the first punch; a glancing blow that sent Demon reeling. The Blacks and Others charged and the dorm room erupted in pandemonium. Matt's eyes were riveted on the race riot that was playing out before him.

"Get down!" a counselor screamed over the loudspeaker.

The brawl continued. Matt noticed what appeared to be the barrel of a gun pointing through one of the holes in the Plexiglas window of the observation room. Boom! A loud explosion was followed by hundreds of rubber bullets whizzing in all directions. Matt was hit three times before he realized that he needed to lie flat on the ground to avoid the ricocheting bullets. The bullets stung like the sting of a wasp and left huge welts on his skin. They also brought a swift conclusion to the race riot.

In the aftermath, Knockout and Demon reached a truce. They decided to split Matt's canteen money fifty-fifty. The youngsters were allowed to receive $40 per week from their visitors, which they could spend at the commissary or in vending machines. Matt allowed the gang members to extort him for one month. When Demon was transferred to the Y.A., Matt decided to make a stand. He returned from a visit and told Knockout and Gordo, Demon's replacement as shotcaller for the Mexicans, that his parents had cut him off financially. The gang leaders were not pleased with this new development.

"Then you no longer have protection," Gordo said. "Tonight after count time, your ass is mine." Gordo was eager to establish himself as top dog in the dorm. Matt would be an easy target.

Following the 10:00 p.m. count, the bunks in the back of the dorm were moved around to set up a small area where the boys would fight. The other kids moved to spots where they could watch the action.

Gordo equaled Matt's 5'7" height, but out-weighted him by more than 100 pounds. Gordo was fat, but he was also muscular and strong. Matt feared the 17-year-old gang member and didn't want to fight him. He wanted to run into the counselor's office and beg for help, but Matt did not choose that course of action. During his month-long stay in the dorm, Matt had learned that whatever happened in Juvenile Hall would follow him to the Y.A., which was where he would be sent following his court conviction and sentencing. Matt was determined not to be labeled a "rat" or a "coward." Matt was trembling all over as he clenched his fists and squared off with Gordo.

The Mexican kid threw the first punch. Matt blocked it and surprised everyone in the dorm, including himself, by throwing a counter-punch that landed squarely on Gordo's jaw. A collective, "Ohhh!" rippled through the dorm.

Gordo made a bull-like charge that drove Matt into the cinder-block wall. The fighters tumbled to the ground. Matt attempted to get up, but Gordo grabbed the back of his hair and pulled him to the floor. Gordo wrestled Matt into a corner and began to pound him on the head. Matt slipped away and finally made it to his feet. Gordo got up and the two boys squared off like boxers once again. Their tennis shoes squeaked as the boys circled one another and threw wild punches. Gordo rushed Matt once again, using his immense hulk to take him to the ground for the second time. Gordo put Matt in a headlock with his left arm and hit him in the face repeatedly with his right fist. Matt was powerless against the bigger kid. On instinct, Matt reached up and clawed at Gordo's face. When Matt's thumb poked Gordo in the eye, the fat kid screamed out and released him. Matt scrambled to his feet again. Gordo's vision was blurred. Matt seized the moment; he threw a left-right-left combination and all three punches landed squarely in Gordo's face.

"Kick his fucking ass, Camel Jockey!" Knockout screamed, unable to contain himself. Knockout hated Mexicans.

Gordo was exhausted and gasping for breath. Matt hit him three more times before Gordo made another bull-rush. He lunged for Matt's legs but dove too low. Matt side stepped the rush. Gordo stumbled and smacked his head into the wall. He rolled onto his back. Matt jumped on top of him, fists flailing wildly at Gordo's face.

Seconds later Matt was cracked on the back of the head by one of the other Mexican kids. The Mexican gang members descended on Matt like a storm of locusts. The onslaught was beyond belief. Matt curled into a fetal position with his arms wrapped around his head as the gangsters kicked him savagely. It was a brutal beat-down.

Boom!

A gunshot exploded in the dorm room, and the rubber bullets zinged around the room. All the juvenile delinquents hit the deck.

A Mexican kid who was on the ground next to Matt said, "Fight one bean, you gotta fight the whole burrito. You ain't never gonna win a fight against one of the homies."

Matt was confined to the Juvenile Hall dormitory for 16-months while his attorneys attempted to negotiate a plea bargain. During that time he was engaged in more than a dozen fist fights. Whenever a new kid came into the dorm, no matter what race he was, Matt was forced to fight with the kid. If Matt got the upper hand in the fight, a beat-down on Matt ensued. Matt's lone wolf status did not earn him any respect with the other teenagers.

The first plea bargain "deal" Matt was offered by the Los Angeles County prosecutor's office was 22 years. His attorney was ultimately able to negotiate a 13-year sentence, of which Matt would be required to serve 85 percent — 11 years. The kicker was that Matt agreed to two strikes, meaning that he would be facing a mandatory sentence of 25 years to life if he was ever convicted of another felony under the Three Strikes law. Cody was also sentenced to 13 years. Wildcat was only sentenced to five years because he didn't have a gun during the robberies.

Following his sentencing, Matt was transferred to the Y.A. detention facility where he would remain until the age of 18. At that time he would become an adult and would be moved to the state prison system for the remainder of his sentence.

Shortly after arriving at Y.A., Matt heard someone yell, "Camel Jockey!" His heart sank into his stomach when he saw the face of his Juvenile Hall nemesis, Demon, glaring at him.

"Come here, Camel Jockey. I want to introduce you to someone."

Matt walked over to Demon, who was standing with five other Mexican gang members.

"This is Anaconda Jones," Demon said.

A tall, lanky kid of Cuban descent extended an inviting hand. Matt shook his hand. Jones squeezed it tightly, then jerked Matt toward him, wrapped his other arm around Matt's body, and held him against his chest. Matt struggled to get away as Jones whispered in his ear, "Chu wanna be my girlfriend?"

"Fuck you," Matt said as he pulled away.

"What do you think, Jones?" Demon asked.

"She's pretty. I want her."

"Fuck you," Matt repeated. "I ain't nobody's bitch.

"She's all yours." Demon said, laughing.

"Chu wanna be my girlfriend?" Jones asked again, this time with an exaggerated wink.

The gang kids busted up laughing.

"You come anywhere near me and I will slit your throat." As the words escaped Matt's mouth, he couldn't believe what he had just said or the fact that he meant every word.

Matt's response caused even more laughter.

Matt turned to walk away, but Jones grabbed his arm. "I'll stop by your cell after evening count. Make sure your cellie is gone so we can have some quality time together."

Matt pulled away and went directly to his cell. He busted open a razor and melted the two blades to a plastic spoon, fashioning a deadly weapon. His mind raced and anxiety filled his soul as Matt nervously awaited his confrontation with Anaconda Jones.

The cell doors at Y.A. had individual locks, and the inmates had their own keys. When the count cleared, Matt's cellmate went to the day room area where the inmates watched TV and played cards. Matt could have locked the door, but chose not to. He was ready to prove that he was not going to be anybody's bitch.

A few moments later, Jones was standing outside the door, peering through the bars. He looked both ways. Once he was certain that no counselors were watching, he entered Matt's cell. Matt revealed his weapon. "I told you I was going to slit your throat. You ain't gonna rape me."

Jones put both of his hands up. "It ain't like that. I ain't no faggot. That was just a joke."

"Then what the fuck are you doing in my cell?"

"Demon told me that I had to beat you up. I don't even want to fight you."

Matt stood at the back of the cell. Seven feet separated the two boys. "This ain't going to be a fight. If you come one step closer, I'm going to cut you."

"Put the blade away, man. This is Kern County. If you cut me with that blade, the prosecutor's office will file attempted murder charges. Nobody uses weapons here."

"Fuck you," Matt said. "I'm doing what I have to do to protect myself. I know the law on self-defense. You are in my cell."

Jones backed out of the cell. He had no intention of getting cut by the crazy Camel Jockey kid.

The next day the counselors searched Matt's cell and found the make-shift weapon hidden in his mattress. Jones had snitched on him. Matt was taken to the hole, where he would be isolated from the general population for 30 days. The following morning he was taken to the counselor's office.

"Are you some kind of idiot?" asked counselor Ruiz, a conservative-looking, middle-aged Hispanic man with thick glasses. "Possession of a deadly weapon is a felony. If I submitted this to the D.A.'s office, they'd file charges against you in a heartbeat. That's strike three. 25-to-life means life. You want to spend the rest of your life behind bars?"

The impact of the counselor's words hit Matt like a tsunami. He started crying. His body shook with huge, uncontrollable sobs. He missed his mother and father and the kindness of his sisters. The pain of losing his freedom and pent-up fear exploded out of him in torrents of emotion.

"Look, Mathew," Ruiz explained. "You get one pass with me. Only one. The Kern County D.A.'s office is serious about this Three Strikes law. None of my boys use weapons here. If you must handle your business, you do it with your fists. That's how it is here. Jones wasn't lying to you."

"Jones told?" Matt was shocked by the insinuation.

"Yes, he told me what happened because he didn't want to see you get a life sentence. Don't look so surprised. That shit about the so-called convict's code is a ridiculous fantasy. Somebody always tells. I know everything that goes on here. When you are released back into the general population, I don't want to hear about you calling Jones a rat. That boy did you a favor by coming to me. Now stop crying. You can't show these gang kids any weakness."

"Yes, sir," Matt said ending the conversation.

When Matt was released from the hole he entered "Gladiator School." For 30 consecutive days he was forced to fight a different kid. Matt's 18-month stay in Y.A. was even more violent than his time at Juvenile Hall.

When Matt arrived at Donovan State Prison as a fresh-faced 18-year-old, he was fortunate in that some older cons took him under their wing. Matt's counselor classified him as "White." He learned that in the adult prisons the Whites do not run with the Mexicans. On the outside Matt had always hung out with white kids. The Whites embraced Matt and he gave up his lone-wolf status.

As a new con on the yard, Matt was required to go on a mission shortly after his arrival. With two other convicts he was ordered to beat up a white man who had disrespected the Blacks by uttering the word "nigger" one too many times. Matt performed his mission admirably. Following a 30-day stint in the hole, Matt acclimated to life at Donovan. Unfortunately, Matt got too comfortable. He started purchasing large quantities of marijuana and getting stoned all the time.

Matt Maroki did not learn his lesson, which was that he made poor choices whenever he got stoned. The decision to burglarize the liquor store, which started his crime spree, was made when Matt and his friends were stoned. The other important lesson to be learned from Matt's story is that you must choose your friends wisely. If you choose to hang out with people who do drugs, commit crimes, or are involved in gangs, it can destroy your life. Matt's so-called friend, Wildcat, was a drug addict and the instigator of the crimes they committed.

Matt was recently moved to a lower level prison. He has five years remaining on his sentence. My fear for Matt is that he may never get out of prison, because he is unwilling to give up smoking pot. If he doesn't get caught using marijuana, he may make another poor choice when he is under the influence and not thinking clearly.

#

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categories:

self-esteem and self-confidence—build self-esteem—grace meaning—meaning of grace—life goals—meaningful career—purpose in life—teens—mental health—New Age—depression

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 _The Principles of Grace_ _blackboards can be found in Part IV_

* Visit the author's website, JohnBarrettHawkins.com to download The Amazing Weight Loss Formula and learn everything you need to know about losing weight and developing a great body.

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