so before speaking about the first habit
i want to bring to your attention a new
mindset so before i read this book I
never really had this super-awesome
outlook on life and in fact it changed
my thinking forever so when you're in
any situation in life you can choose to
be reactive more proactive but the basic
idea is that by choosing to be proactive
you choose to increase your circle of
influence you see there are things that
you can control in there are things you
can't directly control such as the
weather where you were born or your
personal decisions of your boss things
that you can control include how you
react to it this is really the only
thing you can control in life if you
react without thinking or you say a
harsh word to your friend or you drink
all night and live in self-indulgent
after a long day where you just become
depressed when the weather is gloomy you
are becoming a reactive person you let
the environment control you and you're
simply a person reacting to stimuli when
you were reactive you focus on things
you cannot control for example you may
have been born into a socio-economic
lower or middle class family you may
have been born into an abusive family
you may even been diagnosed with a
terrible illness but focusing on it will
not change it you know what you can
control this is the secret to being
proactive and in turn becoming an
effective person you can control your
work ethic you can control how you treat
the people in your life and you can
control if you put on your seatbelt or
not by focusing on things that you can
control you bring more power into your
life and widen your circle of influence
so when short reactive people are people
who complain a lot instead of actually
going out and changing their actions and
proactive people understand that even if
they're complaining was justified
complaining about it wouldn't change
anything it would just be negative
toxins in their life including their
social environment of their peers see
most people choose to complain simply
because it's easier so let's move on to
the second habit how do you want people
to think of you at your funeral
the second habit is all about becoming
the person you want to be by thinking
deeply about how other people think of
you now I'm mature enough person and not
really care what most people think of me
but I do care what my loved ones think
of me I want my girlfriend to think i'm
loyal trustworthy and fun to be around
and because of this i'm not going to
cheat on her
I'm not going to lie to her and I'm not
going to fill our conversations with
complaints or negative thoughts
see when you die and there's a crowd of
people standing around your coffin
what will they say over their best
memories of you or their worst memories
of you be thinking about the end before
any major decision and this will help
you become a more effective person you
want to be remembered as a person who
added value to society
maybe start filling your facebook
statuses with more positivity and upbeat
content basically are you doing the
things that allow you to say you've
become the person that you want to be
the second half but also goes into
creation a bit see according to stephen
covey the author everything is created
twice once in the mind and once in the
physical real world
the problem is that many things are
created in the mind but never manifested
into tangible things because we tell
ourselves
I can't do it a lot of time the only
thing stopping you from doing something
is yourself and even worse situation is
when things aren't even created in the
mind at all for some people debt drugs
despair or other life problems prevent a
person from thinking about creation and
only on the negative outcomes of their
situation and this is where the first
have it comes back stop focusing on what
you can control and you'll be able to
create more you'll be able to add more
value to the world the last thing Steven
Covey mentions in this chapter something
called a personal mission statement now
this is the one line sit-ins that you
can rely on to give you a sense of
purpose in the world a very simple
mission statement is I want the world to
be better because i was here in fact
that's Will Smith's personal mission
statement
Oprah wants to be a teacher and be known
for inspiring my students to be more
than they thought they ever could be
if you keep this mission statement in
mind when you make every decision you
will always keep the end in mind now
that we've talked about the end let's
talk about the beginning so Stephen
Covey came up with this thing called the
urgent and important matrix basically
everything you can do falls into one of
four categories
here's the super easy graphic they can
make it easier to understand basically
anything urgent is something that needs
to be done as soon as possible and
anything important is something that
makes us effective the advice the author
gives is to do things that are not
urgent but they have to be important as
soon as possible because if you do
things that aren't urgent before they
are urgent then you won't have to fret
about doing them last minute here's the
thing that kind of annoys me if I ask
most people what they thought was
important they would say things like
their health their relationships their
financial credibility
when you look into their actions they
spend their time doing other meaningless
things like organizing papers going out
for long lunches hanging out with the
wrong crowd
fussing over little crab doing stupid
stuff for the better part of their day
that doesn't lead them to bettering the
things that they said was important to
them so you got to put first things
first spend some time with your family
before you waste your time doing
something like playing video games start
putting effort into creating a monthly
budget instead of putting your effort
pinning new things on pinterest go and
work out first before watching that new
episode
the problem here is something
psychologists call cognitive dissonance
and it's when the things you say are
most important to you aren't the same
things that you're spending most of your
time on in fact some psychologists say
that this is unhealthy the disconnect
between what we say we will do and what
we actually do is terrible and I think
working on this would improve a lot of
our lives so the first three habits are
about managing yourself and what you can
do independently there are things you
can make changes mindsets you can alter
an attitude you can adjust to
they set the foundation for the next
three habits which have to do with
becoming an effective person in society
and involve being dependent so the
fourth habit is called think win-win
Stephen Covey says that there are six
types of relationships and you can think
of them as personal business or even
biological animalistic relationships the
first to what most people think the
world is made of lose win or win lose
which means for me to win you have to
lose or the other way around people with
this type of mentality think that to
have the largest skyscraper in the
neighborhood they must tear all the
other skyscrapers down you should avoid
these situations because someone will
lose even if the net gain 20 in fact
most people don't even agree to us in
this they believe in reciprocal altruism
in the long run with lose is like a
parasite where one wins and the other
losses the next relationship that we're
going to talk about is just toxic and
nasty it's called lose-lose the best
example I can think of is there's a
story where this couple got married
couple years later they decided to get
divorced but the man knew that his
ex-wife when half of everything that he
owned in court but he had quite the ego
and he didn't want her getting his
Ferrari or Lamborghini so he sold them
both for ten dollars each
see both people in this situation lost a
substantial amount of value because of
their hatred and you should definitely
avoid any type of relationship like this
the next to relationships are not bad
but they should also be avoided solely
win relationships aren't really a
relationship at all since they only
affect one person people in this type of
relationship don't care what anyone else
gets as long as they get what they want
it's actually very selfish that the next
relationship is called No Deal or No
Deal is a neutral mentality and it's
actually the most preferable one is the
last one is not offered basically each
individual agrees that if both parties
don't win there is no deal in other
words it's completely unselfish if I
can't get what I want without you
benefiting to it's not worth it and
there's no deal
the next relationship we're gonna talk
about is called win-win and these happen
in couple relationships or business
relationships and even in ecology
mutualistic relationships or symbiosis
is the term 12 animals benefit from
living together for you to win the other
person does not have to lose
I could buy and read a book that gives
me huge insight into a recent problem
I'm dealing with and because of this i
benefit from the advice and the author
benefits from the money I can make a
video and uploaded to youtube and
benefit from the advertisement revenue
and the viewers will benefit from the
life changing perspective so start
searching for win-win relationships and
you will surely become an effective
person haha the next habit i love this
happen
so the other gives a little story where
that is talking to his coworker about a
situation with his son the father and
son have a talk after the talk to dad
goes to his friend for advice
I just can't understand my son sometimes
that ad says he won't listen to me and
his friend goes let me rephrase that you
can't understand your son because he
won't listen to you says the friend I
thought to understand another person you
have to listen to them
honestly when I read this little story i
actually got goose bumps but the author
is so right
how many times we get mad at another
person because they don't think the way
that we think we haven't even tried to
hear their side of the story first we
see the world through our eyes even from
a baby we are born egotistical and
understanding others views does not come
natural learning to become an effective
person is understanding everyone has
their own perspectives and opinions from
their own personal experiences in life
events you should seek first to
understand because once you understand
the situation and the person's feelings
towards that you might have a better
chance of helping them understand you
so this is a little technical but I want
to get into the five levels of listening
that Covey of covers the first is called
ignoring and it's just downright rude so
the second level is the kind of level my
sister talks to to my mom
it's called pretending yeah uh-huh right
you're at least responding to the person
the third level is called selective
hearing
we only hear certain parts of the
conversation usually only the parts of
benefit us and it's really easy to do
this with someone who talks a lot or
preschool child another level up is
called attentive listening which is not
necessarily listening to the content but
rather the way the words are being
spoken and you focus on the energy if
you listen to a motivational speaker in
another language and you actually get
motivated
that's called attentive listening the
last type of listening we hardly ever
experience and it's called empathic
listening this type of listening is the
listening with the intent to understand
you will get inside the other person's
frame of thinking and understand them
better and it's not just the words they
say or how they're saying them either we
give them all of our attention including
paying attention to their body language
and paying attention to their feelings
this is very powerful because it gives
you accurate data to work with to
understand their thoughts feelings and
motives instead of you being a brick
wall saying conform to me another form
of great advice Stephen gives is to
diagnose before you prescribe which
basically means to understand before you
give advice one of the best ways to find
more win-win situations is to understand
what the other person wants and needs
before you can find a way both of you
can benefit so the next habit is called
synergize and it took me a while to
completely understand this but it
basically means the interaction of two
or more parts to produce an outcome that
is greater than the sum of their
individual parts so very basic version
of synergy comes from a teaching and
physiology so one part might be our
heart
another might be your brain and the
third maybe your stomach of course these
are very complex organs individually but
if they work together they are extremely
effective
another example would be trees and
squirrels separately trees can reproduce
by their nuts falling to the ground
please refrain from commenting about
this unless there's a really strong wind
they won't spread very quickly on the
other hand squirrels can live without
trees but they would have to live in
bushes and eat only berries they might
struggle hibernating and eating food in
the winter together though the scrolls
get protections in the trees as well as
tons of nuts to eat the trees get the
benefit of getting our nut spread across
even more land together they achieve and
grow more than if they were separate and
one last example would be drugs and
alcohol the effect of sleeping medicine
is intensified greatly when mixed with
alcohol and
not suggest trying this on your own and
in fact most doctors and warned against
it
these are considered constructive
synergy but there's also reductive
synergy an example of this is if you had
the plague it but then you're also
diagnosed with depression both are
really bad to have and if you have them
at the same time
well you might need some external help
and medicine there's actually work for
this and it's called come morbidity the
opposite of synergy can also happen
sometimes referred to as negative
synergy and this is when waste is
created
let's say you spend five million dollars
on a business deal and another company
puts in five million dollars for the you
both can invest in the same company for
more money
however the business that you put money
and actually failed because it went over
a certain amount and because of taxes it
failed the sum of two parts is actually
less than the total amount of both
separately an example of negative energy
would be one plus one equals one-half
seeking synergy will benefit your life
in many ways but particularly your
business relationships and general life
will benefit if you can find synergy
synergy is basically one plus one equals
three
that was a sixth Abbott and that
concludes the habits that you can do
with improving yourself by dealing with
others now we're going to be moving on
how you can unleash your future
potential by investing to the best
investment you can make is in yourself
am I reading this book you're ahead of
the curve and by watching this video you
have a huge advantage of other people so
comfy gives the example of this guy
cutting down a tree with a very dole
salt
I mean it's gonna take him at least six
hours to cut down this huge tree if he
were to spend one hour sharpening the
saw it would only take him three hours
to cut down the tree leading to a total
of four hours instead of six we see how
simple this is how easy it is for the
guy to cut the tree down faster but we
hardly ever apply the same principle to
our lives for example we can sharpen our
physical saw by eating while maintaining
a healthy diet and exercising regularly
let's sharpen the saw by working out
three times a week instead of paying for
it with advanced medical treatment in 40
years
another example of sharpening our minds
is by learning reading and teaching
there are plenty of studies that show
teaching someone something is a great
way to ingrain ideas into her head and
in fact it's one of the reasons i'm
making this video instead of reading the
instruction manual we try to do it
ourselves and waste three hours when we
could have humbled ourselves and
sharpened our mental song but he also
suggests sharpening some other areas
our life such as emotional and spiritual
areas you can invest in your
relationships with others in many ways
some of which includes spending time
with your friends playing games with
your family or studying with classmates
enriching your spiritual life is also
important whether you're religious or
not listening to music engaging in
creating art and spending time in prayer
or meditation will always add value to
your life in the long run living a
meaningful and effective life doesn't
just happen you have to make time to
cultivate the areas of your life you
want to produce fruits and you do this
by sharpening the song i hope after
watching this video you've gained at
least one gold nugget of knowledge or
practical life advice they move you in
the right direction of becoming a more
effective person if you like this video
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