 
### Sammi Ever After

by

Soma Helmi

SMASHWORDS EDITION

Published by

Soma Helmi at Smashwords

Sammi Ever After

Copyright 2010 Soma Helmi

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

****

But first... Mila and Catriona, thank you so much for being there to listen, advise, edit, and best of all, not laugh at my atrocious grammatical blunders. My wonderful, mad, creative, gorgeous family - Rio, Ela, Keda, Leilani, and the many others scattered around the globe - I will always cherish and love you all.

Alice, it was all worth it my friend.

****

### Sammi Ever After

****

### Fairytales

" _Say hi, Sammi."_

Mum pulled me out from behind her skirt to introduce the strange spiky-haired boy. "You remember Max, don't you?"

His green eyes looked up shyly as his Mum also coaxed him forward.

We stood facing each other, neither brave enough to say anything. We were both barely seven years old and I honestly couldn't remember whether I should bother being his friend or not. Besides, he looked a little weird with his crazy brown hair and round glasses.

" _Oh for goodness sake, Max. Just say hello." Tiny beads of sweat trickled down his Mum's pale skin as she struggled with the Bali heat. "Honestly, you'd think they'd remember!" She shook her head and laughed. "You haven't forgotten have you darling? Last spring. Sammi and her Mum and Dad came to visit us in London. You two had such a wonderful time playing in Hyde Park."_

A tiny shake of the head before his Mum nudged him again.

" _Hello." His voice was just above a whisper._

" _Hi." I answered. I wrinkled my nose and retreated to the safety of my Mum's voluminous skirt._

"Hello??"

I was snapped back into the present by the puzzled voice. It took me a second to remember where I was.

"Oh, hi. Sorry Max, I was just...anyway, yes. Tomorrow, coffee sounds great. Where should we meet up?"

"You're in Earls Court? So let's meet at Hyde Park Corner and go from there." The deep timbre in his voice was a pleasant surprise. The last time I'd spoken to him was over ten years ago.

"Sounds good. I think I can take one line from here, right?"

"Yep, just look for the Picadilly line going north. So, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yes."

"Good night, Sammi."

I rang off and exhaled sharply.

_What's with the butterflies?_ I'd been nervous throughout the whole conversation, barely able to form whole sentences.

It's just Max.

*

I dithered with what to wear, tossing between a light floral print dress and a more casual jeans outfit, putting both in front of me in the mirror to compare. The floral worked well with my light complexion, but the jeans were more my standard comfy outfit. I finally settled on the jeans, not wanting to appear to be trying too hard. I compromised by putting on a pretty pink batik scarf over my top. I did wonder why I was bothering so much, but shrugged it off as just wanting to make the right impression after not seeing him for so long.

I came out of the tube station not knowing what to expect, I hadn't even seen a photo of him since we'd last met. I needn't have worried, I picked him out straight away.

He was huddled up close to a newspaper stand, holding the bright red umbrella he'd brought to help me identify him. His dark brown hair was no longer spiky as it had been as a little boy, but was now a slightly messy mop of curls, falling just below his ears. He wore a camel coloured sweater in soft cotton, which gave me an unreasonable urge to reach out and hug him.

"Hi Sammi." His bright emerald eyes smiled at me as I approached.

"Hi Max, long time."

I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach his face as we kissed cheeks in a quick greeting. I inhaled a delicious scent of expensive citrus cologne.

He laughed softly as I took a step back.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just look _exactly_ like you did when we were kids. Same black hair and rosy cheeks."

I scrunched my face up then laughed.

"Yeah, that's what everyone says. I guess it made it easier to pick me out then?"

"I wouldn't miss you in a crowd, regardless." He gazed at me appreciatively in silence and I felt myself blush in response.

"Um, well _you're_ a whole lot taller now. Wow." _And no more glasses. Nice._

He laughed at my awkward reply and asked if we should get going to the café before turning abruptly and making his way quickly down the street. I had to hurry behind him to catch up.

We walked through Hyde Park to a café in the Serpentine Bar & Restaurant. It was lovely and rustic, perched on the shore of the lake. Wooden apple crates and jute carriers were strewn amongst floral lampshades, a tin bucket held fresh flowers on the wooden table between us.

We watched the streams of people walking by, families with excited kids running ahead, couples strolling hand in hand in the sun and random sprinklings of the young and hip striding past with iPods plugged firmly into their ears.

"You have the most amazing mix of people here." I marvelled as a group of punks walked quickly by, overtaking an elderly Indian couple.

"Yeah, they all crawl out of the woodwork when it's warm."

I laughed as a touristy looking couple struggled with their paddleboats on the lake and almost knocked each other in. "You must love it when summer's here."

Max snorted as he toyed with his coffee cup. "Well, we Londoners are very appreciative when the sun decides to deign us with its presence. It only happens two to five days a year so what you're seeing now is a bit of a rarity."

"Really? That sounds kind of awful."

"You get used to it. Just a tip, always pack a brolly when you go out. It may be gorgeous out, like it is now, but by afternoon it'll probably start drizzling." He paused and took a sip of his drink. "But I guess you don't have that problem in Brisbane. Tell me more about it, I'm hoping to make it to Oz one day."

We asked each other what we'd been up to, swapping stories from our school, university, then working years. A soundtrack of energetic chatter, lapping water and clinking glasses played as we lost ourselves in conversation.

"Remember that time I came to Bali and you showed me how to catch dragonflies? What was it with, some kind of twig?"

"Coconut frond and a bit of bubble gum on the tip."

"That's right!"

"And you fell into the rice field when we were chasing them!"

"I was completely covered in mud, head to toe! Mum was not pleased!" He laughed. "I always loved going there. I still remember all those crazy stories your Dad told us about growing up in the village, the days before electricity."

"Yep, he still loves telling them. And Mum too, how when she first arrived in Bali they only had a little hut in the rice fields and that I was born on a dirt floor."

"I remember her telling us that." He shook his head. "Incredible what people can deal with. But still, what a way to grow up. Running around the village all day. You were such a tomboy, Sammi! I could hardly keep up with your gang of mates."

I laughed. "I guess I was. But that's what you get when you're the only girl in a group of boys. It was all about bamboo forests and jumping off trees. Which, by the way, hurts like hell when you misjudge the height."

"I know! I broke my coccyx doing that up in our country house."

"Me too! Well, not the country house bit. I jumped off a coconut tree into a small ravine."

"Coconut tree sounds so much more adventurous and exotic than a boring old oak."

"I wouldn't say boring at all. I was so jealous about your life here. To me Europe was the land of cobblestone streets and princesses in ancient towers." I smiled as I remembered my favourite childhood fairytales filled with dragons, magicians and brave knights.

"Yeah, we have plenty of those mouldy old towers around. Although, not sure how many princesses you'll find these days."

"I'm more interested in the princes to be honest." _Did you really just say that?_ I mentally head slapped myself.

He laughed again and I couldn't help notice how his eyes sparkled through his half closed lids. "I'm sure. And would you prefer he ride around on a great white horse?"

"But of course."

"Well, you could certainly have the part of the fair maiden." He blushed then coughed before taking another sip of tea.

_Stop blushing Sammi!_ A vision of Prince Max rushing through a castle to rescue me played in my head. I looked down and around the room to try and hide my grin.

He let a couple of seconds go by in silence before changing the subject again.

"Do you remember Chamonix?"

"Of course I do! That was one of my favourite holidays."

"Yeah, finally it was my turn to show you my turf."

I laughed as I remembered Max trying to teach me how to ski on the baby runs. He was incredibly patient for a 14 year old.

"I can't believe you didn't ditch me. You must have been itching to go off to the black runs."

"Hah, and miss watching you tumble your way down the bunny slopes?"

"Thanks! I knew there was a good reason for it!"

He chuckled. "We were pretty much inseparable then, eh?"

I nodded. I remembered how my teenage crush had bloomed as soon as I saw him again, and how it stayed with me the whole holiday. I had blushed each time he spoke to me and he was equally tongue tied as we bumbled our way through countless conversations. It was awkward, sweet, but above all innocent.

" _But Mum, I'm never going to see him again!" I'd been snivelling to my Mum as we packed our gear for the trip home._

" _Don't be silly, Sammi. We'll probably see them again next year!" She shook her head in bemusement. "Besides, my darling, you'll forget about him soon."_

" _No I won't! I'll never ever meet someone like Max again. It's so unfair that we have to leave!"_

" _Oh stop it Sammi, you'll be fine. As soon as we're back in Bali, you'll be going back to school, playing with all your friends and this will all be like a dream." She smiled and gave me a big hug. "My darling Sammi, this is just the beginning," she whispered more gently._

She was right of course. The many distractions in a teenager's life came and went and with them the strong feelings I had for Max. Sometimes my parents would talk about his family and I would wonder what he was up to, but the crush had passed.

"Your Mum and Dad split pretty soon after that didn't they?" he asked quietly.

"Yep. It wasn't a big shock, I knew they weren't happy for a while."

"I'm sorry, Sam." His eyes softened as he frowned slightly.

"Don't be. It wasn't one of those devastating splits. No custody fights, or any fights at all, actually. They're still really close and I just went on with things. I followed Mum around the world after that. California, Santa Fe, Italy."

"Yes, I heard about it through Mum. She was always so amazed that Edda could move around so much."

I shrugged. "Itchy feet, I guess. Or some gypsy genetic kickback. It was fun, but I was glad when we settled in Oz. I think I really needed to finish high school in one place."

"Understandable. All that moving must get tiring."

"Yes, especially introducing yourself to a bunch of new friends every single time. _Hi, my name is Sammi, and I'm from Bali_. I hated doing it. Each new school meant another introduction and having to stand in front of the whole class trying to explain where Bali was."

"They didn't know where Bali was?" Max was incredulous.

"Are you serious, half the time I had to explain where Indonesia was! A lot of the time I had to walk up to a map on the wall and point it out."

Max laughed. "I guess it is a pretty tiny island."

"Yeah, but not knowing where Asia is, inexcusable!"

"No!"

"Yes!...And then having to move just as you got close to a few people."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. But you know it wasn't all bad, it was actually mostly fun. Experiencing all those new places. Gallivanting around with Mum."

"It must have been great. I'm quite jealous really, I've only ever lived in London." He was quiet for a moment.

I fiddled with my teacup and examined the delicate lace pattern on the napkin in front of me. I was lost in my memories of all the different cities I'd lived in.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to meet up again after Chamonix," he spoke up again. Max and I had kept in touch sporadically, but as the years went by the emails became fewer and fewer until they petered out entirely. The last time we had contact was just after graduating university.

"Me too." I smiled up at him. "I think Mum just wanted to do her own thing for a while. And as for me...," I shrugged, "it's not the easiest to get over here from Oz when you're on a student budget."

"I suppose not. My problem is time. Always studying, always busy. But lucky you managed to come now."

"Yup, I can't believe my manager gave me the time off!"

"Why wouldn't he?"

"She. Well, it's not the fact that she gave me a holiday, I've racked up enough days for it over the years, it's that she gave me 2 whole months off!"

"Wow, now that is a decent holiday."

"Tell me about it. But I needed it. It was so crazy for the last few months. A bunch of new clients, mostly government agencies. Boring." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, they kept us busy. I was working overtime to finish all these website designs. Then the testing and endless meetings. The joys of I.T."

He smiled and watched me silently for a beat. "So now you're here."

"And now I'm here. And loving it so far." _You're talking too much, Sammi._ "Um, how about you?"

"What about me?" he asked playfully.

"What have you been up to?"

"Well, I'm just about to go into my internship at a hospital. It's been years and years of study to get here..." He spoke with passion about medicine, his eyes ablaze as he told me he'd been accepted into one of the best student hospitals in the country.

As I listened I glanced out over the park where a young family was having a picnic, the mother laying out all the food while the father chased a little boy around the mat. I heard him go quiet as he turned to see what I was watching.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come for the funeral." I said, looking down into my tea. I remembered the exact moment when Mum had told me Max's father had died. I was in my small dorm room at university. I'd just finished dinner and was getting ready for an all night session of studying.

" _How?" I sat down heavily on the couch as I clung to the phone._

" _He had a stroke in the middle of the night. By the time paramedics could get to him it was too late."_

" _Oh God, Mum. That's so awful. How are they? Olivia and Max?"_

" _Well, Max was away on a skiing trip. He came home last night, poor darling. Olivia says he's devastated. She is also, of course. It's such a shock for everyone. We had no idea that Neil even had a heart condition. I mean he was working long hours at the office, but it just comes with the job if you own your own company, doesn't it?" She didn't wait for my response and charged on. "Olivia said he worked all through the nights, weekends, and hardly ever had time off these last few years." She sighed._

" _Yeah, I've heard that's how it is in advertising. I feel so bad for them though. Neil was so young!"_

" _I know, sweetheart..."_

" _And Dad? Is he ok?" Neil and my father had been best friends at Oxford and kept in close touch ever since. I knew Dad had gone to London to visit only a couple of months before._

" _Oh, he's been better. But, he'll be fine. He wants to get over there as soon as possible, to help Olivia and Max."_

" _Of course he does. I'll give him a call after."_

" _So look, darling, I'm going over in a few days for the funeral. Your father is going to join me in London from Bali. Now I know you're having exams, but do you think you can get away?"_

I exhaled. I was in the middle of the finals for my 3 year degree. In fact, I was supposed to sit a test the next morning for programming.

" _I don't think so, Mum. I wish I could. I hate to not show up, but..."_

" _No no, don't feel badly darling. They will understand. Trust me."_

" _I guess so. I'll definitely send them some flowers. Please, please tell them how sorry I am for not coming over."_

" _I will. I promise." I heard a muffled bang. "Oh bugger."_

" _Mum?"_

" _Sorry, darling. The cat's just tipped one of my canvasses over. Bad Ra, bad!" Her voice drifted away as she chased her Abyssinian away._

" _Mum. Mum!" I waited impatiently until she came back to the phone._

" _I've got to go, Mum. Studying. Call me before you go, okay? Love you."_

" _Okay my darling. Good luck, I love you too."_

I hung up the phone and stared into space.

"It's alright Sammi, your finals were really important." Max's voice brought me back to our conversation. "And Mum and I knew we were in your thoughts. Thanks for your card by the way, and the flowers. Besides, you know what a nut Dad was about education, he would've much rathered you stay in Oz than come over anyway." He smiled kindly and waited until I looked back up at him and smiled back.

"Thanks, I guess. How are you doing?"

"I'm getting there." He sat back and blew out his breath. "It's been a few years and time does heal everything. It was such a shock though, so sudden. But I'm working on it. In a strange way it made me more determined to finish my medical degree. To make sure...I don't know, one day I can maybe save someone else in the same situation. If that makes any sense?"

"Perfectly. It's such a noble career to go into, Max. I'm really proud of you...," I trailed off as our eyes locked. The look went on for a bit too long and I grappled for something else to say. "So how's Olivia these days?"

"Mum's great. Keeps herself busy with endless charities and lunches. Her friends really rallied around her after Dad died." He paused. "You should come over for dinner sometime, she's really looking forward to seeing you again."

"I'd love to. It'd be lovely to see her and Mum tells me your new place is gorgeous."

"Yeah. Mum's really put a lot of effort into it, was her pet project these last few years. Speaking of which, why didn't you just stay at our house in the first place?"

"Um, I didn't want to impose."

"Impose?" Max laughed. "The place has 5 bedrooms!"

"I know. I would've liked to, but to be honest Ascot's-"

"-bloody miles away. Quite right. Much better to be close to where the action is."

"I take it you're not staying up there these days?

"Oh God no, the commute would kill me. I've got a place just around the corner from here actually. Westminster. But I go up at least a weekend a month. In fact, bugger just dinner, you should come with me this Friday!"

"Really? I mean that wouldn't be...imposing?" I stopped when I realised I was repeating myself.

"No, not at all. I was going to stay over the weekend, keep her company. That is, if you don't have any other plans?" He looked straight at me as he waited for my response.

"I'd love to." I smiled shyly at him, thinking there wasn't anything I would like more than spending a whole weekend with him. _And Olivia of course_.

We talked for hours, having cup after cup of tea. Finally as the sun started to set, we moved on to find a restaurant in China Town. We were the last to leave at around midnight, the waiters only waiting long enough for us to step out onto the street before shutting the doors firmly.

"Hah, well, I guess we were keeping them." Max snorted as the lights were switched off inside. "So, shall I walk you back your tube station?"

I nodded and turned to walk, but stopped when I realised I had no idea which direction we were supposed to be going. "Um."

He laughed. "Come on, it's this way."

I half ran to keep up with his quick stride as he crossed the street ahead of me. _Okay, so not the total gentleman then_.

"So, any plans for tomorrow?" he asked as we stopped outside the entrance. People flowed around us as they hurried passed into the station.

"Um, yes actually. I'm having lunch with Liam."

"Oh right, your high school buddy?"

"That's the one. It's the first time he has free this week, so we're going to catch up at a pub near his firm."

"Firm? He's a lawyer?

I laughed, "God no. I.T. firm. Liam's a bit of a programming genius. That's why he's here. He was offered his dream job just out of university and..." My voice petered out as I saw him watching me, a small smile playing on his lips. _Not interested in Liam's life story, Sammi._

"And after lunch? Any plans?"

"Nope." I shook my head and thrust my hands in my jeans pocket. I bit my lip and tried not to look too expectant. The twinkle in his eyes made my insides go warm.

"Well, how about I take you to the V&A then?"

"V&A?"

"Victoria and Albert Museum. It's a London must-see."

"Oh, well if it's a must-see, I guess I...must see." _Ugh! Clever._ I managed not to wince and instead savaged my lower lip even more.

He laughed, showing off his perfect white teeth.

"3 o'clock, meet you on the front steps?"

"Sounds good."

"Perfect. You've got an A to Z I take it?"

"Sure do, don't worry, I'll find it." I looked up and we locked eyes for a few seconds.

"Um, right. G'night, Sammi. See you tomorrow then." He leant down and kissed me on the cheek quickly before turning to walk briskly away.

I stood and continued to bite my lip until the grin on my face grew too wide. I turned and skipped happily down the stairs to my train.

*

I had made plans to meet up with Liam in front of his office and arrived just as he was walking out of the huge swinging glass doors. The last time I had seen him was nearly 6 months before, when he'd come home for Christmas and New Year.

"Liam!" I yelled excitedly as I rushed towards him.

"Sammi! Ugh!" he huffed as I ran straight into him. He laughed and wrapped me up in a big hug, squeezing me tight.

"Oh man, I can't believe you finally made it, Sam."

I stepped back. "Look at _you_ , all spiffed up. I like the jacket." I stroked his dark brown corduroy coat, which he wore over an old faded ATARI t-shirt. One of the corners of the jacket collar stuck out and I folded it back in place for him.

"Yeah, you like?" He grabbed the lapels and did a slow turn, showing off his whole ensemble.

"Nice, nice. Are those designer jeans? My God, Liam, I guess London's been good for you." I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the doors.

He laughed, answering, "Yeah well I haven't quite been able to get into a suit, but hey it's an improvement, right?" I nodded in agreement.

As long as I could remember his uniform had always been vintage t-shirts and skater shorts. It was what he wore the first time we met, in the after-school computing program at South Brisbane High School. He had come in wearing a faded Rolling Stones t-shirt and ripped chequered shorts. His sandy blonde hair came to his shoulders and he had a nervous habit of tucking it behind his ear as our teacher Mr Fish introduced him.

" _Welcome to our little family, Mr Bennet. Now, take any free terminal and we'll get on with it shall we?" Mr Fish pushed his glasses up with his index finger then turned to the whiteboard._

I watched as Liam stood by himself in the middle of the classroom and searched for an empty seat. I indicated to the one next to mine and he smiled gratefully as he came over, sinking into the chair.

" _Thanks. My name's Liam. Well, obviously you heard that." He tucked his hair behind his ear before holding his hand out._

" _Sammi. Welcome to Advanced ITC. Or as we like to call it, Playgroup."_

"Sam. Where are you?" Liam tugged me back to the present. "Are you fantasising about me again?"

I blinked. "As a matter of fact, yes." I laughed before linking my arm through his. "Now, where to sir?"

He lifted his eyebrow in exaggerated suspicion then grinned, "This way madam." He pulled me off to the left and we walked down the street towards a cluster of shops. I looked down and smiled when I saw the ratty sneakers that finished his outfit. _Some things never change._

We went into an ancient pub, the swinging sign outside had an upright lion clawing the air.

"The Red Lion," I read as we slid through the door.

"Every pub in England is called the Red Lion," Liam quipped as we walked over the creaky wooden floorboards.

The interior of the pub had been renovated, but not too recently. I could see the signs of wear on the scarlet walls and well-polished bar. A line of darkly painted tables and chairs lined the walls to the right and further up the back I could see a row of red velvet booths tucked away. Large windows had been thrown open to allow some air to circulate and let the milky grey light in. We grabbed a table over-looking the main street, ordered our meals, and settled in to catch up.

"And how's Edda?" he asked as he picked at a plate of hot chips between us.

"Good. She's seeing some guy on the Arts Council, but God knows how long this one will last. Thrilled that I'm doing this though. You know how boring she thinks I am."

"Your Mum is mad. If I've done half the things she has by the time I'm 80 I can say I've lived." We both snickered in agreement.

"Yeah, she's a wild one. Poor thing, to have a daughter with such a steady 'boring' career and normal existence."

"God, if she thinks web design is boring, wonder what she thinks of programming. I must be the most boring man on earth."

"Yeah right, she loves you, Liam."

We paused as the waiter brought over our meals.

"Yum! I'm starved." He picked up his cutlery and waited for me to do the same.

"One sec." I rustled through my bag and pulled out a bright orange bottle.

"Ah yes, how could we start without the _sambal_?" His mouth twitched as he watched me pour the chilli sauce onto my grilled chicken.

"You know it. _Sambal_ rocks my world." Every good Indonesian brought a bottle of the stuff with them when they travelled. I drew the line at bringing it out in nicer restaurants though, unlike some of my cousins who have been known to send the waiters in many a fine establishment into a horrified tizzy after pouring it onto their foie gras.

"I remember the first and last time you did that at our place. I thought Nona's eyes were going to pop out of her head." He chuckled. " _Madre mia!_ What is she doing to my _pollo al limone_?" His voice went up as he tried to impersonate his Italian grandmother.

"Shut up, I did ask first. And she forgave me..." I laughed back at him. "...eventually. Plus I'm better now, I can control myself most times. But this is grilled chicken!"

He shook his head and sniffed.

"Anyway..." I poked my tongue out at him "this looks yum, _buon appétito_!"

Waving his fork dramatically he answered, " _Buon appétito, cara mia_!"

I chuckled and started on my meal. We ate in silence for a few minutes, enjoying our food.

"So, how's the flat coming along?"

He snorted. "Not sure if it was some kind of twisted lesson of Dad's to give it to me. Place was in shambles."

Liam's Dad, Michael, was a Londoner born and bred and gave Liam his old rental flat in West Kensington as a 25th birthday present.

"Oh poor you, only a little two bedder in the middle of London? How will you cope?"

"Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm eternally grateful, but it's been a nightmare pulling it together into some semblance of liveability. Lesson learned, never ever rent out your place out to students without constant supervision!"

"Er yeah, I'll remember that when I start my real estate empire."

"Sorry, Sam. Whinging again, aren't I? Anyway, to answer your question, it's finally coming together. I've had to go in and strip it all down, start from scratch again. Painted, pulled down walls, changed the carpets, put in some new windows."

"Sounds fun."

"Urgh."

"But you said you loved renovating? Your emails were starting to sound more and more like Renovation Rescue episodes."

"Yeah, but 6 months is my limit. If I never see another paint brush again it won't be soon enough." He sipped at his beer and smiled at me over the rim.

"Anyway, enough thrilling renovation talk. What've you been up to since you landed? Started the sightseeing bonanza yet?"

"No, not yet. Just been trying to get over the jetlag first."

"Yeah, it's a killer coming over this way."

I nodded in agreement and took a quick sip of my lemonade. "Hey, do you remember me telling you about Max?"

He wrinkled his forehead.

Obviously not.

"You know, the English guy that used to come with his parents to Bali. My Dad's friends?" I prompted his memory again.

"Ahhh, yeah. The one you had a crush on when you were, like, 10 or something."

"14. Whatever. I saw him yesterday. We caught up for coffee...and dinner...and..." I trailed off, not sure what the last 'and' was for.

"You're blushing! What, what? Spill!"

"Nothing! He's just really...nice. And he's taking me to the V&A this afternoon. Meeting him there at 3." I had to quickly take a sip before my grin grew any bigger.

"Uh huh. I know that look, Sam. You fancy him! Bloody hell, you work fast, don't you?"

I punched him from across the table, but laughed and shook my head. "Shut up! Nothing happened. Besides he's just being nice by taking me around. We're old family friends."

"Sure sure. So, you trying to give me a hint then?"

"Huh?"

"It's 2:50."

"What?! Oh my God, I'm going to be so late! Shit. How do I get there from here?!" I shot up grabbing my jacket and sat down again when I realised we hadn't paid. I started scrabbling around for my A to Z in my bag.

"Calm down, Sam," Liam laughed as he took a final sip of his beer and got up, "lucky for you it's just around the corner. I'll take you as soon as I've paid."

I exhaled in relief and got up to follow him to the register. "Let me pay, Liam, I asked you to lunch."

"Are you kidding? You in ma town now. Don't worry, I'll get it, Sam." He winked and flashed me a grin.

"Thanks, I'll get the next one."

As I waited, I saw a group of girls looking appreciatively at him as he stood in line to pay. I shook my head as he passed by them on his way back to me, oblivious to their open staring. They narrowed their eyes at me as he put his hands on the small of my back to lead me out.

"Right, it's literally 10 minutes from here. Follow me, milady." He offered his elbow as we stepped onto the sidewalk. I could almost feel the daggers in my back as we walked down the street.

"Same as always." I shook my head in amusement.

"What?"

"Those girls."

"What girls?"

"Oh, never mind." I rolled my eyes and pushed him ahead of me.

We made our way quickly and sure enough, within 10 minutes we were walking up the first steps of the museum. I saw Max leaning against one of the doors and my heartbeat doubled. I dropped Liam's arm as we walked up the stairs and he shoved both his hands into his pockets.

"Sammi." Max straightened up as we came closer.

"Max, this is my friend Liam. Liam, this is Max."

They faced each other as I introduced them, shook hands, eyes to eye.

"Liam Bennet."

"Maxwell Edmonton. Sammi spoke quite a bit about you."

"Really, well she's mentioned you also."

Silence.

"Um, we had lunch just around the corner," I threw in.

"Oh right, near your firm?"

"Yep."

More silence.

I stood in the middle of the two men thinking they couldn't be more different. Max's dark hair and pale complexion, was in stark contrast to Liam's olive Mediterranean looks.

"Would you like to join us?" Max placed his hand lightly on my shoulder.

"Better not. Have to get back to work." I looked up and was surprised to see Liam clench his jaw before relaxing it quickly.

"Are you sure, Liam? There's got to be plenty you haven't seen in there yet."

"Ah, quite sure, Sam. I'm going to be late enough as it is." He turned to give me a lightning hug then backed off down the steps before calling out over his shoulder, "You kids have fun!"

I waved him off and turned back to Max with a smile.

"Shall we?" Max asked.

"Yes we shall. Okay, so what's your favourite display?"

He put his hand on my back as he led me into the museum. I felt a warm shot of electricity zing up my spine.

*

From that day on, Max and I were inseparable, he would spend all of his free time with me, showing me his favourite spots around town, dutifully following me as I visited all the tourist attractions. We took the compulsory photos in front of Big Ben, the Tower, London Bridge, and every other landmark in the guidebook.

When he was busy I spent my time window shopping on Oxford Street or meeting Liam for a quick lunch. I felt a little guilty for not spending more time with Liam, but consoled myself with the thought that he was too busy with work anyway and wouldn't miss me that much. He kept assuring me that all was good and that I should enjoy my holiday any which way I chose.

As promised, on Friday Max came by my hostel to pick me up on the way to the country. The shiny black Saab convertible rolled to a stop just outside of the door and I had to shake my head as my fellow backpackers' jaws hit the floor.

"Bloody nice piece of machinery, Master Edmonton." I tried to put on a posh accent, but failed miserably.

He laughed. "Thanks, it was Dad's actually. I'm pretty attached to the thing. He'd only just bought it when he'd died."

_Dammit! Way to put your foot in!_ I scanned his face to see if talking about it was painful. It was a relief to see his smile reach his eyes as he caressed the steering wheel affectionately.

"Right, to the country then!" He put the car into gear and we roared out of Earl's Court in style.

As we headed onto the freeway he switched the stereo on and let the beat thump through the car.

"Hope you like Jay Z?"

"Yep, but I have to say I'm kind of surprised you do."

"Why?"

"I just thought you were more into...dance music? At least that's what you were into back then."

"You mean those mix tapes I used to make?" He laughed. "I still listen to lounge and the sort. Actually I like all kinds of music, but right now more into hip hop and R&B." He paused to press a button on the dash which brought the top down. The spotless white polo shirt he wore glowed in the bright sunlight. "How about you?" He turned to face me briefly, the wind whipping his hair into a thick mess. My hands itched.

"Same, as in I like all kinds of music. It varies from David Grey to Missy Elliot and everything in between."

"That's quite a range. How about classical?"

"Definitely. But for sure R&B and hip hop are close to the top of the list. I have a problem controlling myself if I hear R&B, it makes me just want to dance."

"I'd like to see that." He smiled to himself as he kept his eyes on the road.

"I don't know, I don't hold myself responsible for what happens when R&B music gets involved."

He turned to me, a smile crinkling his eyes. "I think I can handle it."

Grinning, I turned to my window to watch the rushing view, my mind buzzing at the thought of dancing with him. I heard him chuckle softly as he concentrated on the road again.

I closed my eyes to enjoy the warm sun beating down on us as we sped past ever thinning rows of houses and shops until we came out into the open country. The road grew smaller until it was only a single lane hemmed in tightly by hedges. The car turned into a gravel driveway bordered by huge ancient oaks, winding through a grove and coming out into an open clearing. We crunched to a stop in front of an impressive two-storey cottage.

Max's Mum was standing by the front door and waved at us excitedly as the engine cut off. She strode over and planted a kiss on Max's cheek before coming over to my side of the car.

"Oh my dear Sammi! It's been so long!" She put her arms around me in a warm hug. I was engulfed in a cloud of roses and talcum powder.

Mrs Edmonton was roundish with the same dark hair as her son, which she had pulled back into a soft chignon. She wore a flowing skirt and a raspberry cotton cardigan that accentuated her creamy white skin.

"It's lovely to see you again, Mrs E."

She stood back and held me at arm's length. "Well look, you've grown into a beautiful young lady." I smiled to hide my embarrassment. "You look just like your mother with those big brown eyes. I can't say that I see much of Iwan in there though."

"Ah no, apparently the hair is the only thing I got from Dad's side. Must be those strong Polish genes!" For some reason my Mum's side had taken over and people were always finding it hard to see any similarities between Dad and me. "Anyway, thanks so much for having me over."

"Of course, of course. You know my home is yours, my darling girl. And I promised your mama I would take care of you." She put her arm through mine and walked us away from the car. "Here, come through so you can put your things in the guest room. I'm getting lunch ready. Come, come." She ushered us through the door, which led into a gorgeous marble hallway.

As I expected, their country home was magnificent. Despite the size, Olivia had managed to make it warm and cosy, with lots of comfy reading nooks and a massive collection of artefacts from all of their travels. Dozens of oriental rugs covered the marble floors and freshly cut flowers stood on small tables around each room. Pictures of Max were scattered everywhere. Max in his teens, dressed in a baggy t-shirt and jeans, Max on top of a ski slope wearing a delightful neon number, in his high school graduation gown, and even one of the both of us taken in a rice field in Bali.

"Bit embarrassing," he whispered into my ear as I studied a collection of them on the living room hearth, "she's got snaps of me everywhere."

"Actually, it's great, I feel like I'm catching up on years of you growing up with these." I continued to study them, intensely aware of him standing close behind me. I could hardly breathe, not really seeing the frames in front of me.

"I remember that one," he said softly, studying the picture of us at seven years old, "you were being a little brat and ignoring me the whole holiday. Your Dad could hardly get us close enough for a shot." He laughed softly.

I grinned and nudged him. "Sorry, little girls can be mean. I'm a bit nicer now."

"More than a bit, I think."

I held my breath as we both stared unseeing at the picture.

"Lunch is served, my sweets." His Mum came in breaking the spell. I let out my breath sharply and turned to follow her out the door. I could feel Max's eyes follow me as we walked out into the sunny garden.

Lunch was laid out in a wide lawn surrounded by ancient ash trees, which threw a soft cool shade over the table. I remembered what a great cook Olivia was when I saw the impressive spread of salads, quiches and cold pastas. I was grateful I had an appetite to appreciate it all.

"To old friends." Olivia raised her wine glass and winked quickly at me before taking a sip. "Dig in, I hope you don't mind a cold lunch."

"It all looks amazing, Mum, you're the best cook in all of England." Max leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before picking up his fork. I smiled in agreement, watching Olivia try to brush the comment off, but seeing how happy it made her. We spent the rest of the meal in easy conversation, reminiscing on what our families had been up to. Max was careful to keep the talk about his Dad at minimum and I followed suit.

The weekend was spent mostly outdoors, taking tea out in the garden, or walking to the woods just on the border of the property. We'd go for long drives out to the surrounding villages and by Sunday I was completely in love with the English countryside.

"It's so lovely out here." I smiled contentedly as we drove back that evening.

"Mmm. Nice to get away from the big smoke. We should take another drive out next week, maybe to Stratford-upon-Avon?"

"Really? I was planning to take the bus up. It would be great, if it isn't too much trouble!"

"Well, the way I see it is everyone wins, _you_ get to see more of fair ol' England, and _I_ get to spend more time with you." He looked over at me for a beat before going back to watching the road.

We pulled up outside of my hostel and Max came round to my side of the car to open the door.

"Well, good night, Sammi. Hope you had as a nice time as I did." He smiled.

I fiddled nervously with my jacket, button. "Very nice." It was all I could manage.

He leant down and kissed me gently on the cheek. "See you soon."

"Night." I smiled as the butterflies in my tummy took flight. This was going to be a very interesting vacation.

*

We went out for quite a few drives, Shakespeare country to the north, Bath to the east, Brighton in the south and everywhere in between. At the end of each day he would take me back to my hostel, where he would always kiss my cheek before saying goodnight. With each night his kiss would come closer and closer to the side of my mouth, driving me mad with anticipation. But every time he would only smile and turn to go home.

After a couple of weeks I was beginning to think that I was reading the signals wrong and that maybe he just wasn't interested. I'd been letting my imagination run away as usual, seeing us in the chapel even before our first kiss. I was too nervous to make the first move, but couldn't think of a way to give him the hint without looking too eager.

In the third week he took me for a stroll along the Thames after dinner. We stopped to watch the London Eye as it spun around lazily in the summer evening and I leaned into the railing to peer closer at the amazing landmark.

"Beautiful." I breathed as I bent my head back to watch the glass observation chambers as they moved silently in the night.

Max came and stood close beside me, I could feel his eyes on my face. He watched me silently before whispering, "Beautiful."

He put an arm around me and pulled me close to him. I let my head drop down to his chest and closed my eyes. My heartbeat started to speed up, but I was frozen, nervously wondering if this was the moment I'd been waiting for. _Please, please, let this be it!_ I prayed silently.

He turned me to face him and gently took my face in each hand. My heart beat like a caged bird as he lowered his head and kissed me ever so softly. He looked down into my eyes and whispered, "I've wanted to do that since I was 14."

My heart took flight and I couldn't help grinning as I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers. "Me too." I smiled into his lips and kissed him again.

That night I moved out of my hostel and into his apartment. We spent the weekend locked up in the bedroom, only venturing out to accept deliveries of food and grab utensils in the kitchen on our way back to bed. We watched old movies, read magazine articles to each other and spent the rest of the time under his soft white cotton sheets amongst fits of giggles (me) and passionate growls (him).

*

"It feels like I've known you forever." I heard his voice rumble through his chest.

I closed my eyes and listened to the slow 'thump thump' of his steady heartbeat before answering. "I know. I don't feel like I have to hide anything from you...It's just so..." I struggled for the right word.

"Comfortable."

I nodded and went back to contemplating the serene lake in front of us. His hands stroked my hair as we lay on his Burberry picnic blanket in Hampstead Heath. I heard the rumble of a baby stroller pass behind us then a chorus of laughter from a group playing volleyball by the water. _I wonder what our kids would look like?_

"I think you must be a good luck charm, or a weather Goddess. We've never had this much sun in London, everyone's gone barmy."

"Weather Goddess!" I snorted. "That's a first."

"Would you prefer Lucky Charm?"

"Just Goddess will do."

"Mmm, my little Goddess." His hands found their way down to my shoulders and pulled me up towards him.

"Max! Public indecency. I'm shocked." I giggled and pulled his thick hair back to kiss his brow.

His arms circled around my waist possessively as he growled in my ear. "Let them watch!"

"Max!" I couldn't help giggling again as he nuzzled my neck loudly. I pounded on his chest playfully before he rolled me over onto my back and gently pulled my hair from my face. His features softened as his eyes searched mine. I smiled shyly at the intensity I saw in them.

"My sweet Sammi."

He kissed me softly before propping himself on his elbow.

"Help! Oh my God, Ginny!! Ginnnnyyy!!"

Max whipped his head around to find the source of the yelling. I pushed myself up and looked around wildly.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!"

A young woman was running towards the lake's edge screaming while a man leapt into the water and dove in with a splash. We jumped up and started to run over to them, watching as the man pulled out a small girl from the water and carried her to shore.

"Oh my God, I just turned my back for one second! She was just playing!" The young mother came rushing towards the man and reached for the girl. "Ginny!! She's not breathing! She's not breathing!"

"Anybody know CPR? Please!" the man's voice yelled above the mother's as he looked around urgently.

Max reached them before I did, running faster than I'd ever imagined he could. I arrived as he was taking the girl from the man and putting her gently on the ground. A crowd had quickly formed around them.

"Call 999!" he yelled out as he knelt down beside the little girl. "Get back! Please, give her some room!"

I started to pull my phone out before I heard a man standing near me barking out our location into his mobile.

The girl's face was pale and strands of dirty blonde hair were sticking to her chubby cheeks. The mother wailed uncontrollably as she knelt down beside Max.

"Please." His voice was quiet and even as he pushed the Mum gently aside. He tilted the little girl's chin up slightly with his fingers then put his ear to her mouth to check for breathing. Then, squeezing her nose gently shut, he started CPR.

My heart was racing as I watched him calmly give her mouth-to-mouth then pump at her chest one-handed. Her face remained pale and waxen, her lips had turned an awful shade of purple. He continued to alternate between the breath and pumping while we watched anxiously.

With a sudden fit of coughing the girl spluttered to life and Max turned her to her side, gently patting her back as she took shaky gasps of air.

"Oh Ginny! My baby!" Her mum sobbed and patted her little girl's hair.

"She'll be fine. Do you have a blanket?" She nodded and reluctantly got up to get it. Seconds later the paramedics came and I was pushed aside as they rushed onto the scene. As I stepped out from the crowded circle I heard Max explain the situation in an even voice to the EMTs.

It took a few minutes, but eventually I saw him push his way out of the crowd and look around for me.

"Max!" I ran over and hugged him. "Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine. In a bit of shock. Thankfully that guy pulled her out just in time."

"And lucky you were here!"

He shrugged. "Just in the right place at the right time. Anyone else would have done the same. They'll take her to the hospital now, she'll be fine," he repeated.

"You were amazing Max, how can you be so calm? I was a mess just watching you."

"Training." He pushed me back gently to look me. "Are you okay?"

"Me?" I smiled shakily at him. "Fine, just a bit too much adrenaline pumping through the system I think." I hugged him again.

"Good." He kissed the top of my head. I sighed and let myself relax against his chest as he rubbed my back gently. I watched the EMTs wheel the little girl away, her Mum hovering over her protectively. The crowd melted and we were left alone again.

Max glanced at his watch and scrunched his face. "Sorry, Sammi, I have exactly 2 minutes before I have to dash back to the hospital. Are you sure you'll be alright on your own?"

"Max. I'm a big girl, I think I can manage finding my way around."

"Do you want me to take the blanket back to the car?"

"Sure, I'm just going to wander around the park for a bit."

He leaned down and quickly folded the blanket before I could even move to help. "And you have my number if anything right?"

"Yes, go on! I'll be fine. Really."

"Okay." He kissed me before turning to go then stopped again. He shook his head as he toyed with his keys.

"What?"

He pulled me to him and smothered me with kisses.

"You'll...be...late!" I managed between gasps and laughter.

"Quite right." He stopped abruptly and pulled away before turning to run off in the direction of the parking lot.

I shook my head as I watched him become smaller and smaller, until he disappeared entirely. My cheeks hurt from all the grinning.

*

"What's all this?"

I walked into the kitchen to find Max humming to himself happily. He was surrounded by chopped vegetables, sauce bottles, and sizzling pots.

"Dinner." He grinned and kissed me quickly before going back to the fry pan.

"You cook?"

"Don't sound so surprised. Boys _can_ cook you know."

"I know that, it's just..." I watched him throw the vegetables into the pan, "is there anything you can't do?"

He barked out a laugh and shook his head. "Plenty! Cooking just happens to be a hobby. I don't get much time to do it, so when I have a beautiful guest staying, I like to try to impress her with my skills." He winked before squeezing some soy sauce onto the vegetables.

"And you have a lot of beautiful guests then?" I asked, my eyebrow arching.

"Nope. Not at all." He leaned over and kissed me softly. "And never as beautiful as this one."

I grinned and pulled him close for a longer kiss. _I wonder how long it will be before this is us in our very own kitchen?_ The thought made my insides go all warm and gooey.

He broke off first. "Watch it! We'll have charcoal for dinner if you keep distracting me like that."

" _Maaf, maaf._ " I apologised and peeked around him to look at the pots on the stove. "Anything I can do?"

"Make the table up, if you don't mind. Then sit yourself down on the couch and wait. I'll be done in a few."

He finished cooking and brought all the dishes to the table.

"Stir fry, _nasi goreng,_ and grilled chicken."

"Wow, this looks delicious Max. I can't wait."

"Hold on," he reached behind his back, "and some _sambal_." He put the bottle down in front of me with a flourish.

"Ooh! Where'd you find it?" I clapped excitedly. My bottle had run out and I'd been trying to find more for days without much luck.

"I have my ways."

I pulled him down and kissed him noisily. "Thank you, you gorgeous, gorgeous man."

"Very welcome. Now, _makan?_ Did I say that right?"

"Yep, let's eat!"

*

I woke up to him watching me.

"Morning." I smiled as I stretched contentedly in the sunshine streaming through the big windows.

His face stayed serious and I couldn't read the expression in his eyes. I stopped in mid stretch.

"What is it?" I asked, my forehead wrinkling. He reached out his hand to smooth my skin.

He let out a sigh before starting, "Sammi, you've only got two weeks left."

My heart plummeted, I was dreading this moment. When reality would creep back and pull me away from him.

"Doesn't feel like 6 weeks, does it?" I whispered.

He shook his head before going on, "If I had my way, I'd never have you leave me. But Sammi, it would be dreadful to come all this way and miss out on the rest of Europe." Max gently reminded me.

I closed my eyes. He was right of course, but I didn't like it.

"And you can't come see me in Rome before I fly out?" I asked knowing the answer already.

"You know I can't, Sammi."

"I know. Your exams," I sighed.

I felt silent tears roll down my cheek. He swept them away with his fingers and kissed me gently.

"Don't cry. We'll see each other again."

I nodded, too overcome to say anymore. I couldn't imagine how. I'd be stuck with my job and life in Australia, while he'd be here with his studies. I didn't know if I had the strength to endure a long distance relationship, everyone knew they never lasted. Why did I have this awful feeling in my heart that this was the last time I'd be this happy with him?

"Sammi? Open your eyes."

I shook my head and sniffed. I couldn't bear to look at him as the tears coursed down my face.

"Sammi, please."

I felt his hands on my cheek and finally looked up at him.

"I have something for you." He reached behind his back and brought out a small white package tied with a baby blue silk ribbon.

"What is it?"

"Open it."

I lay on my back and unwrapped the little box. Inside was a delicate silver charm bracelet. An assortment of little hearts hung from the chain in a rainbow of semi precious gems.

"It's beautiful." It threw sparkles of multihued light onto the duvet as I held it up. "Thank you."

Max took it from me then fastened it onto my wrist. He smiled then placed a soft kiss on my palm. "It's just a small thing, something to remember me by."

"I'll never forget you, Max."

He pulled me in and held me tightly. I could feel the tension in him.

"Sammi, I love you," he breathed.

My heart soared at his words and I forgot everything else.

"I love you too!" I reached over and kissed him, gently at first, then more deeply as he grabbed me and crushed me to him.

*

I cried endlessly as we stood in Kings Cross Station to say our goodbyes, thinking that it was so unfair to find the love of my life on the other side of the planet. I clung to him while he told me that we would see each other again.

"Sammi, I've never felt this way before. And I have a feeling that this is just the beginning." He stroked my face and kissed the tears away.

"Me too. I just can't believe that I'm losing you."

"You're not losing me, I told you, we'll meet again. Soon. You believe that too, don't you?"

I nodded, but couldn't say anything else. I burrowed my face into his shirt and inhaled his scent, trying to lock it into my memory.

He stroked my hair gently and murmured. "My sweet Sammi. Please don't be sad. I've had the most wonderful time of my life with you. We'll find the time to meet up again, I promise."

I looked up and sniffed, the tears rolling freely down my face. "I love you," I whispered before reaching up to kiss him.

The boarding call rang loudly across the speakers, jolting me. Before I knew it he'd put my pack on my back and it was time to go.

"I love you, Sammi. Be safe." He crushed me to him and kissed the top of my head.

I balanced awkwardly on tiptoes for a last quick kiss before running to the carriage so I wouldn't break down entirely in front of him. I collapsed into my seat and sobbed as the train pulled away from the station.

In those two short weeks I rushed through Europe trying to fit as much in as possible, travelling through France, the Netherlands, Germany, down through Switzerland, and finally to Italy. We called and texted silly romantic messages to each other every day. I couldn't stand being so close and yet unable to see him, but forced myself to enjoy the last remaining time I had of my vacation.

****

### The Land of Oz

"There she is!"

I heard the chorus and smiled. My friends had been waiting for me at our favourite café to welcome me back.

Richard and Meena made a very unusual pair as they stood up. Richard was over 190cm tall and built massively both from his Kiwi genetics as well as the hours he put in faithfully at the gym. Meena was my height, barely above 165cm and thin as a rake. She was a stunning mix of Indian and Australian.

It was the day after I'd come home and they had made me promise to fill them in with everything that had happened. I hugged each of them in turn before taking a seat at the table.

"Where's Lauren?" I asked as I put my bag onto the empty seat.

"Usual, running late." Meena rolled her eyes and took a sip of her white wine. She pushed her glasses up on her nose before continuing. "She's got some deadline for an art show or something and spent all night firing. Just texted her."

"Who cares! C'mon, tell! How was it? Other than fabulous, of course!" Richard waved his hand enthusiastically.

"It was _so_ fabulous, Rich. I spent days out in the country, drove through these gorgeous little lanes. It was just like Pride and Prejudice, or Emma or...I don't know, every Austen we've ever seen. The hillside covered in flowers, funky little pubs-"

"-Uh huh. Yaddi yadda. To the interesting stuff. Who is this mysterious man you keep hinting about? You are the worst texter in all of history, woman. I'm expecting tons of dirty action stories to compensate for your lack of communication. Soooo...?" Richard lowered his oversized designer glasses and pouted.

"Oh my God, give the girl the chance to answer, woman!" Meena smacked him on the shoulder before turning to me. "Well, who was he?"

I laughed and shook my head. "He's an old friend." They cooed and clapped in delight. I told the story after an enthusiastic round of "Tell, tell, tell!".

"Oh wow. So amazing, Sammi, it's like a fairytale!"

"I know, Meen! He's the most gorgeous, lovely man I've ever known." I smiled into the distance, lost in my memories of Max.

"Well honey, first kiss under the London Eye, getting lost under the covers for a week, a doctor in training! Phew!" Richard fanned himself. "Sounds like my kind of man too."

"Haha, well hands off, Rich. He's all mine."

"So tell me, why haven't we heard about the delicious Mr Max before this anyway?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I told you we haven't really kept in touch, so I guess it never really occurred to me? It has been over 10 years since the last time we met."

"It's hard to believe though, Sam, what a story. I can't believe you guys have known each other all your lives."

"Who's known who all their lives?" Lauren came running in from behind me. Her tie-dye scarf was falling off her shoulders as she flopped into the seat. Luckily she had remembered to pick up my bag beforehand. "Darling!" She sat up again to give me a quick hug. Her forehead was streaked with a big smudge of clay. I was about to tell her when Richard interrupted.

"Max. The one she's known all her life. You missed the whole story, Loz." He slapped her leg. "By the way, you know I totally love your whole hippy vibe sweetie," he waved his hands in a circle in front of her, "but what's with the mud pack?"

"Huh?" she wrinkled her brows in confusion.

I picked up my napkin and pushed her wild curls from her face to try and wipe the blotch off. "You've got clay on you, sweetheart." When it didn't come off I sprinkled some water on the napkin and tried again.

"Oh, thanks, Sam. So who's Max?"

"Go on, Sam, tell us the whole story again. We don't mind." Meena rested her chin on her hand and smiled. Richard nodded his assent, so I went through it all again.

"Oh my God! That's amazing!" Lauren held her heart and shook her head.

"Exactly what I said!" Meena exclaimed. "She's found her very own Prince Charming."

Laurens face fell. "But, what happens now? I mean you're back here and he's..."

"...there. I don't know. I guess we just have to try and figure out when we can be together again. He's incredibly busy, so probably won't be coming here anytime soon."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, tell me about it. But I just have a feeling things are going to work out." I smiled as I fiddled with one of the charms on my bracelet.

"Oh honey, of course they will. "

"Thanks, Rich."

"Welcome. Ooh, pretty," he caught sight of the bracelet and took my wrist, "is it from lover boy?"

"Isn't it gorgeous? He gave it to me before I left."

They crowded around, making all the right appreciative sounds.

"I'm going to keep it on until I see him again."

"Hmm, all the time? That could get kinda icky."

"Lauren!" Meena slapped her.

"Ow! What? I just meant if she kept it on all the time, you know in the shower and sleeping and stuff it could get...oh never mind." Lauren stopped talking when Meena shoved her arm.

"Don't worry, I'll keep it clean, Loz." I couldn't help a small smirk as Meena rolled her eyes.

"Have you got a picture?" Richard asked.

I smiled as I pulled out my digital camera and went through my favourite photos of Max. Looking through them again tugged at my heart. I wondered what he was up to as I gazed on his handsome face.

"Whoa! Hellooooo Max."

"Oh my God, you look so happy, Sam. Your face is glowing!"

"He's gorgeous! Kinda like Rpatz!"

"R who?"

"Robert Pattinson, Loz!" Richard rolled his eyes "Mr Scrumptious himself! I bet he has the same accent!"

I beamed at the compliments. "Thanks guys, he is pretty special, isn't he?" They nodded as I put the camera away.

"Speaking of hot guys, how's our friend Liam? I assume you did take a break from all this loving up to meet with our favourite geek?"

"Haha, yes I did, Richard. He's doing great. If you can believe it he was wearing coats and designer jeans."

"What? No ATARI t-shirt?" Lauren looked shocked.

"Of course, the Atari T-shirt never dies. Some things don't change."

We all laughed and continued to catch up as we ordered our lunches. They made me fill in every detail, asking me over and over again about every romantic gesture and word that had passed between Max and me. It was late into the afternoon when we finally started to make a move.

"So good to have you back, Sam. I need my goss partner, otherwise it's all freaky I.T. geeks all day talking about servers and their packets." Meena stood up and kissed my cheek. "See you at work tomorrow, 'kay?"

I nodded and turned to hug Lauren. Her hair covered my face and I pushed it laughingly out of the way before finishing the embrace.

"Remember to call me when you finish the piece okay? Mum said she'd love to see it. I'll take some pics and email her."

"Thanks, Sam. Your Mum reads email?"

"Sometimes, if I call her beforehand." I laughed and hugged her again.

Richard picked me up in a big bear hug and kissed my forehead.

"Don't be a stranger, love. We'll have none of this pining away lonely business. Next weekend, drinks at Liquid in honour of your sexy McSteamy."

I made a face. "Liquid?"

"Oh come on! We are not spending next weekend with those damn Austen books again. I love the woman, but sometimes a girl's just gotta a get a drink into her. Say yes, pleeeeaaase." He waited until I nodded reluctantly.

"Yay! Okay, you saw that, Meena. There was agreement. Little miss Sammi is coming out!"

Meena rolled her eyes and pulled at his arm. "Come on! We should get home before Idol comes on. It's boys night remember."

I watched them leave then made my way to my car. I had to get home to finish my unpacking before work tomorrow.

*

Max and I spoke every day on the phone, declaring our love and saying how much we missed each other. We talked about how wonderful it would all be when we finally were together again. He sent me long emails detailing his days and how much he wished I was there to share them. I read about wild parties where he would spend the night ignoring the advances of girls and smiled. It was the same for me. I went out with the gang, but just wouldn't enjoy myself, spending the time daydreaming about him on the other side of the planet.

My phone bill was astronomical. Just to hear his voice was worth every little penny though.

"Hey girl, how's it going?" Meena had come to my desk and sat on the edge as she looked over the pictures of Max I'd plastered all over the walls.

"Not bad. Came in early to Skype Max. My bills are getting a little out of hand."

"Ooh, Skype Max. Sounds so much dirtier than it should." She laughed, "Unless of course it was dirty." She wiggled her eyebrows.

I couldn't help, but laugh. "None of your business. How's the nerd herd downstairs?"

"Urgh, boring as usual. All they ever want to talk about is security flaw this, protocol that. Blah blah blah. We have an alarming lack of hotness in this city." She pouted. "Where are all the good men?"

"In England." I looked over at a picture of Max and me smiling into the camera. I remembered that day clearly. We were sitting in a café in Brighton when Max had asked the waiter to take the photo.

"Yeah. We should import some of that talent over here."

"Don't I wish."

"And how are you dealing with that by the way? I can't imagine how hard it must be not seeing him after all this time."

"It really sucks, Meen. I wake up every morning hurting. He's all I can think about every minute. Even when I'm here, I sometimes catch myself staring at code for ages without typing a single letter."

"Yes, well as exciting as HTML is, I can imagine daydreaming about a gorgeous Londoner is much more rewarding."

"I don't know about rewarding, just makes me so much more frustrated. I want the real thing!" I sighed and put my head on the desk. "God, I have no idea when I'll see him again."

She stroked my hair and asked "Have you thought about going back there?

"Of course. But I can't get any more time off." I mumbled into my arm wretchedly.

"No, I mean. Go back. Permanently."

"I wish! Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind."

"What's stopping you?"

"I...I don't know. What about work and you guys...and..."

"Work? Are you serious? Honey you're good but I don't think we'd fall apart if you left." She snorted.

I raised my eyebrow.

"Sorry. But seriously, let's face it, this," she swept her arm over my desk, "is not the ultimate dream job we're talking about. And as for the gang, you know we only want the best for you, Sam."

She was starting to make sense. Actually if I really thought about it, there really wasn't anything stopping me _. So why not?_ I could easily sell everything up and move over. It had always been a fantasy of mine to live in Europe anyway. I could travel around the continent and the best part, be with Max!

"But, this is huge!"

"Yes, it is. But woman, you're young and able. If it weren't for the iron claws of my Mum, I would do it in a heartbeat."

"Oh, Meen!" I sat up and stared at her, my heart fluttering with excitement. "It would be pretty amazing to do it, wouldn't it?"

"Yes! Do it, Sam, chase your dream. Don't waste your life here in this cubicle. You've found your Prince Charming, now go back there and keep him!"

"I will, I will!" I paused in mid hop. "But oh, what about you? You'll be left here in the twilight zone with the herd."

She sighed dramatically and sat on the desk. "Yes, I know. It'll be torture not having an ally to rely on against the hordes of Nerddom," she smirked, "but this is true love! I'll probably be reincarnated as a cockroach or something if I tried to stop you."

"Never, you're way too nice!" I hugged her quickly. "Hey, I just thought of something. How the hell am I going to do this?"

"What do you mean how? Sell up, pack up and ship out?"

"I know that bit. But won't I need some kind of visa to live in England? Do you think it'll be hard to get one?"

She shook her head. "Doubt it. I had a cousin go over about a year ago. Super easy. I think it was some kind of youth visa, any Aussie can get it."

"Really? Oh wow...So, I should do it?" I couldn't contain my excitement as I asked her one more time.

"Duh! Of course! C'mon, lets Google this whole visa business. Shouldn't be too complicated."

I grabbed her arms and we jumped up and down in glee before sitting in front of my screen to start searching. She stayed with me a while until one of her team downstairs called her back for some technical emergency.

"Email me." She mouthed, walking away while covering her phone with one hand.

Her enthusiasm was contagious, I had a hard time concentrating for the rest of the day. I spent it Googling London and European cities, daydreaming about all fabulous travelling I would soon get to do. _Wonder if Max will have time to travel with me?_

That night I slept fitfully and could hardly wait to call Max again the next morning. As soon as he picked up on Skype I blurted it out.

"Max, I'm coming over!"

"Morning, baby....What?"

"Oh, morning love. I've just decided yesterday! Oh God, I can't stand it any more. I miss you so much it hurts."

"I miss you too, baby-

"-and besides I need to get out of Brisbane. I would love to see more of Europe, I'd get to see all the places I missed last time and I can get a working visa and come over for two years, just work in casual jobs and...oh, Max I'm going to do it!" All my words mashed together as I spoke. _This is really going to happen!_

"Wait, babe, wait. What are you talking about?"

"I'm moving to London!"

"Wha...I mean, wow! Are you sure Sammi? This is massive!"

"Of course I'm sure. I was getting itchy feet anyway. I can't wait to see you!" I could hardly contain myself, the thought of seeing him in a few months was just too much.

"When?"

"Hopefully in about two months. I have to organise my visa and of course sell everything up here. So with any luck I can get there just after Christmas!" I squeaked with joy. "Oh God, imagine it, Max. We can finally be together."

"That's wonderful! I can't wait. I'll have to get the apartment spic and span for a lady I suppose." He laughed.

"Yeah right, Max, your place is impeccable. I just hope I'm not too messy." I was giddy that he had mentioned staying in his apartment. I didn't want to rush ahead and assume that we would move in together, but was happy that at least he was considering it.

"Baby, this is the best news I've had all week, but look I've got to run. I have to start rounds soon. I'll call you later tonight after I finish, ok?"

"Oh, of course! Talk to you soon...Max?"

"Yes?"

"I love you!" I grinned into the phone.

"Love you too! Gotta run."

*

I missed Max each minute of the day, only living for the next phone call or message that would come through. Every morning I would impatiently turn on my phone and be rewarded with an email from him, always signed with "Miss you, M". I would answer by text and by the time I made it to the office I would have a new message waiting for me.

Reading the lovely words he wrote gave me the strength to get through until I would be in London again.

In the end it took me almost three months to organise myself. After I sold most of my possessions, I stayed at Mum's for the last few days and stored my remaining things in her garage. She helped me find a small corner in her overflowing shed and I covered the lot in tarpaulin to keep the bush creatures off.

"I'm so excited for you, sweetheart. This is a big adventure!"

"It sure is, Mum. Aren't you glad your boring little girl is finally doing something crazy?"

"My darling, you are never boring. Maybe a little bit safe, but never boring." She hugged me and kissed my hair. "You know you are the most beautiful, talented, big hearted girl in the world."

"Sure, Mum." I laughed, indulging in her warm rose and sandalwood hug. "You have to say that."

"No I mean it, Sammi. I'm very proud of you. And I'm sure your father is also, Iwan was quite the adventurer when he was younger. You know, we travelled all through Pakistan and Afghanistan and through to India when we were just around your age."

"I know Mum, don't I wish I could see half of what you guys have. But hey, this is a good start right?"

"Absolutely." We cleaned our gumboots on the welcome mat before walking through the cabin door. "And you have to give my love to Max and Olivia. I'm glad he's grown up into such a nice young boy."

"I will Mum. And I'm glad he has also." I grinned.

"Ah, young love. Enjoy it my Sammi, but be careful. I know it all seems like the best thing in the world right now. But love can be difficult. Just try to stay true to yourself, no matter what happens."

"What do you mean no matter what happens?" What was she saying? Didn't she believe in my fairytale?

"Darling, don't be upset." She ran her hand quickly over my knitted brow. "I just want you to be happy. Be strong and protect your heart." She hugged me again then led me inside through her chaotic living room to the kitchen. Pieces of machinery, canvases and half finished sculptures were scattered amongst the mismatched furniture. I sat down at the brushed wood kitchen table while she made us cups of tea. "It's not that I'm not happy for you. I just wish I had the knowledge I do now, back when I was your age."

"Well, I'm sure I have lots of things to learn. But all I can think of now is that I just want to make him and myself happy. I want to go over there and live my life, throw it all in and see what I get back." She handed me my mug. "Thanks."

"Okay, okay, Sammi. You do that. Just remember you will always have home."

"I know, Mum, but I'm sure I won't be coming back for long while. You'll just have to come over and visit us in London." I beamed as I took a sip of tea. All I could think of was my flight the next day.

My flight to Max.

*

"I'm going to miss you so much!" Meena cried as she gave me a huge hug. She stepped back and I could see tears forming in her eyes. She wiped them away before taking a quick step back. I'd just finished checking in and was about to go into the immigration line of Brisbane International Airport. Richard and Lauren hovered close behind.

"Don't you start blubbing, Meen, you'll get me started," I sniffed as Lauren stepped up and threw herself at me.

"I can't believe you're leaving me!" she wailed as we clung to each other.

I half laughed and half cried into her hair, "You guys promised!" I wailed before Richard pulled Lauren away. He shook his head at our blubbering display.

"Ladies, ladies!" he rolled his eyes before smiling and hugging me fiercely, "it's not like we're never gonna see her again, is it sweetie?" He pulled away and held me at arm's length. "Now you go and get your Prince Charming, girlfriend. And I better get an invite to the wedding girl, or else I will hunt your ass down."

"You're going be the Maid of Honour, remember?"

"Uh hunh, you betcha. I look hot in white."

"Excuse me, I think Sammi is the one who'll be wearing white!" Lauren shot back.

"White?! Honey, by the time the wedding comes around I doubt if Sammi's going to be able to wear black."

"Shut up Meena, it's not like that remember?" Lauren laughed, "this is a true blue fairy tale. Not a sordid Mills and Boon."

"Yeah right, before we know it there'll be hundreds of little Edmontons running around."

"You're just jealous, Meen."

"We're all jealous, honey!" Richard interrupted them, "we all want Prince Charming to come in and sweep us off our feet. God knows, I do!"

We all laughed as he theatrically swept his hand above his brow and pretended to swoon. Meena shoved him quickly before hugging him.

"Oh and give my love to Liam and a big squeeze of his sexy behind, will you?"

Richard put his hand to his heart. "Meena! I'm shocked. How scandalous of you!"

"Un hunh, like you haven't said worse. That boy has the yummiest arse this side of the universe! Must be all that soccer. Mmm." All three of them sighed in unison and drifted off into their own private fantasies. I couldn't help shaking my head at my mad friends and laugh.

"I will, ladies, and I'll give him a special hug just from you, Meena," then added more quietly, "I'm going to miss you guys."

"Calling all passengers for flight SQ 175, to Singapore. Your boarding lounge is now open. Please make your way to gate E12."

With a collective squeal, we all jumped in for a group hug before they pushed me away towards immigration.

Richard handed me my daypack and brand new red fleece jacket before whispering, "Go get your man, girly."

I walked quickly towards the ever-growing line, turning around every few steps to wave back at them. They watched until I'd cleared immigration and disappeared into the throng, waving and air kissing the whole way. Finally I turned and exhaled sharply, letting my shoulders drop. I couldn't believe I was actually about to board. A huge smile replaced the sadness as I remembered what I was looking forward to. Max's face swam in front of me as I passed through the security into the lounge.

Fantasies of happily ever afters floated around in my head as I boarded the packed flight to Singapore. _Just the first step._ I wandered the transit terminal in Changi in an excited daze and couldn't wait until they called the next flight. Eventually, I boarded the plane headed for London and settled myself in for the long journey, unpacking all my things around me. I opened my journal, but hardly wrote a word. I ended up spending most of the flight daydreaming about our perfect future together and then as we came closer to Heathrow, about how our dramatic reunion in the airport would play out.

His beautiful face would break into a huge smile as he met me at the gate, sweeping me up in his arms and whispering how much he missed me. I would of course, be too emotional to speak, only able to whisper "I love you" over and over.

****

### Unexpected

I landed in Heathrow early on Sunday morning and went through the usual rigmarole with immigration and customs. Even though I was shattered by the 24 odd hour journey, I could barely hold myself back from pouring out my fairytale to the bored looking officer.

"What purpose?" she asked, eyeing me.

"Working holiday." I put on my best friendly face and waited expectantly.

Her eyes trailed slowly from my crumpled dark blue cargo pants up to the cream woollen jumper, her face remaining flat and emotionless. My daypack was slung over one shoulder and I had the thick fleece slung on my other arm. She grunted quietly.

_Stamp! Stamp!_ I was waved through.

Before collecting my luggage I took a quick detour to the bathroom to freshen up. I looked at my reflection in the mirror as I plonked my daypack down beside the basin.

Argh!

A red eyed, natty haired, frazzle monster stared back at me. _Definitely time for some eye drops._ I brushed out my ratty hair until the black locks fell smoothly down my back again. I washed my face and applied a quick swish of mascara and lip-gloss. Pinching my cheeks, I stepped back to check the results and wrinkled my nose. My pale skin still looked tired, but at least the angry redness had gone from my eyes. Not great, but it was all I could do after a long haul flight. I shrugged and gathered my things.

I was dying with excitement by the time the arrival gates swished open. I swept out quickly, a stupid grin plastered on my face as I scanned the crowds on the other side of the barrier.

I looked from left to right.

And kept looking.

No Max.

My stomach plummeted, then as the seconds ticked by, I started to worry. Did he get in an accident on the way to meet me? Was he just taking his time to get here, leaving me floundering? Was there an emergency in the hospital and he was heroically saving someone's life as I selfishly worried why he wasn't here to pick me up?

Bewildered, I scrabbled around in my backpack for my phone to check for messages. As always, it was never where I thought I'd put it and I ended up dumping all of the contents out on the trolley before finding the damned thing in a side pocket. I pressed the power, button on and willed it to boot up quickly as the little clock symbol whirled around and around. Finally the home screen blinked to life.

No new sms, but I had 10 new emails. I scrolled quickly down the list, passed a couple of junk mails, an email from Mum, another from Dad and one titled "Welcome Back! :)" from Liam.

And then there it was, last on the list - 1 New email from Maxwell Edmonton. "Untitled". I clicked to open it.

Dear Sammi,

I'm so sorry. I just can't do this right now. I've thought about it long and hard in these last months and I've realised that I'm much too busy with my internship to contemplate having a girlfriend, let alone anything more serious. I just can't afford to split my concentration right now, it wouldn't be fair to me. And to you. I'll call you this afternoon to explain all of this, I just didn't want to give you any false hopes when you arrived. Hope you had a nice flight. Welcome to London!

X Max

Everything went quiet.

I felt as if the air was sucked out of my lungs and my heart was beating hard and fast against my chest. I grasped the trolley and held on for dear life, taking short glugs of air. I stared confused at the little screen, reading it over and over to make sure I hadn't misread the message. The screen started to swim before my eyes.

_This can't be happening! I don't understand. What, why, how?_ My mind heaved and tumbled in a turmoil of confusion. I just couldn't compute that this was really happening. How did I get from being the happiest woman on earth to the being the most miserable, wretched, alone one?

But we're meant to be!

I blinked and looked up. I was alone in a cocoon of misery as people swirled around me. _That couple hugging fiercely, that should be us!_ _He's hugging her just like Max should be holding me!_

I was surrounded by happy reunions, couples, families and friends all wrapped up in their greetings. I watched as a little girl came running up to throw herself at her father's legs when he appeared from behind the arrival gates. His wife followed more slowly, but looked equally excited. He picked his daughter up and they all shared a weepy hug.

I've got to speak to him, this has to be some kind of mistake!

I refused to believe he had just done this to me and frantically dialled his number.

" _Hello,-"_

"Max!"

" _-you've reached the phone of Maxwell Edmonton. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as swiftly as is humanly possible."_

I heard the beep and hung up without leaving a message. A lump was forming in my throat, but I wouldn't give up just yet. I redialled and hung up when the greeting started again. I hated the thought of waiting to speak to him, but I had no choice. I let my arms drop and slumped against the trolley. I was lost.

I stood in the middle of the crowd too stunned to move while the swarm of travellers streamed all around me. Someone tried to nudge me out of the way and finally broke the spell.

Get yourself together, woman!

After a moment, I took a deep breath, straightened my shoulders and pushed the trolley forward through the crowd.

Don't cry, don't cry!

I wasn't going to fall apart in the arrival gate, I forced myself to hold back the tears until I could grieve in private. I must have looked a complete mess, the expressions of the people I passed were a mix of alarm and concern. I ignored them all. The exit doors swooshed open and I stood on the curb in the frigid winter air contemplating my next move. My mind was numb, trying to shut down, but I knew I had to get out of there.

C'mon, think! What the hell are you going to do now?

There really was only one person I could go to. _Liam._ I knew his flat was in West Kensington, but hadn't managed to visit it on the last trip, too busy being wrapped up in Max. Liam of course knew all about the "fairytale" and was expecting to hear from me in the next couple of days. I found his address in my phone and jumped in the first cab I could get. I didn't have the energy to talk or explain over the phone, so I hoped and prayed he would take me in if I just showed up on his doorstep.

The drive over was a blur of overcast skies, grey buildings and heavy traffic. My eyes skimmed over it all without registering any details. I was lost in a fog of jumbled thoughts when the cab pulled up outside a flat in a quiet leafy street.

"We're here, love."

The cabbie turned around in his seat and then repeated himself when I didn't react. I looked at him blankly for a second before registering what he'd said. I paid and he helped me haul all my belongings onto the footpath outside Liam's door. It was painted a bright red with a large ornate knocker in the centre. I took a deep breath before knocking a couple of times and stood back to wait. When nothing happened I looked around for a doorbell, and finding it, buzzed a couple of times. _Please be home!_ Eventually I heard a scuffling behind the door and finally it swung open.

"Sam?" Liam looked taken aback to see me, his forehead wrinkled with questions.

"Liam...I..."

"What are you doing here, Sam? Aren't you...?"

"No. I mean, I can't..." I couldn't say anything comprehendible. A huge sob bubbled out of me as I looked at Liam's worried face.

"Oh God, Sam. Shhhhh." He pulled me in for a hug and stood quietly as I sobbed, my heart breaking more and more with each gasp. He held me for what felt like forever without an inch of selfishness.

When I eventually quietened, he pushed me inside while he grabbed my things. We walked through a long hallway covered in photos and posters and finally into his bright living room where I collapsed on the couch. I pushed a few magazines off the soft leather and slid down sideways. I let my eyes close while Liam put away my bags in the corner next to his snowboard and muddy soccer boots. He came over to sit by me, stroked my hair and waited while I gathered myself to spill the story.

He listened in silence while I replayed the scene at the arrival gate. The only reaction I registered was a sharp intake of breath when I mentioned the email. I finished the story and we lapsed into more silence.

"Listen, it goes without question that you can stay, if you don't mind sleeping on this." He patted the couch. "I've just had a friend from work move into the spare room. Sorry, Sam."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't care if you said I had to sleep on the floor Liam, thank you so much." I managed to squeeze his arm and give him a weak smile. As far as I was concerned any place was sanctuary.

"That bloody bastard! How could he do this to you?" he suddenly spat out.

I stayed quiet. I'd been trying to figure out the same question, but couldn't come up with anything good.

"I don't know..."

"Did he give you any hint that he was feeling this way?"

"No!" I wailed, "that's the worst thing, I was completely blindsided Liam. I just...ugh. I don't know." I ran out of words and energy.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I have no idea."

"I don't know what to say, Sam, it's just completely beyond me that a man could treat you, anyone, like that."

"Well...I guess I know how to pick them."

"Oh God Sam, in no way is this your fault." I stayed quiet. "Do you hear me?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"There's just no way to know if some charmer is going to end up screwing you over. Dating is just a bloody game of Russian roulette."

After a while he got up to help me out of my coat and to make us some tea. I fished around in my bag until I found my phone and checked it for messages. _Nothing._

I didn't know what I was expecting, but obviously I wasn't going to hear from Max anytime soon. Liam watched me in silence as I threw the phone disgustedly on the couch. He continued to make the tea and made a valiant effort to distract me by chatting about his job, the nightmare clients, and quirky designers, but I had a hard time following him. His stories would usually have me in stiches, but I was so far gone in my gloom it was all I could do to twitch my mouth. He sighed, but ploughed on, knowing I needed to keep my mind off everything that happened that morning. As he spoke I fiddled with my bracelet, squeezing the little charms until my fingers hurt.

At around midday my phone finally rang. I knew who it was. I took it into Liam's room and took a deep breath before bringing to my ear. I had a ridiculous momentary hope that he was calling to apologise, to say it was all a big mistake and would I please wait while he came over and picked me up.

"I'm sorry, Sammi. I just can't do this."

Not a chance.

He was calling to explain in more detail why he'd chucked me. I cried and hiccupped my way through the conversation asking over and over "Why?"

"Oh Sammi." He exhaled sharply in frustration. "I've told you why. I'm too busy with this internship to even consider being in any kind of relationship. I have so many obligations I hardly have time to breathe. It just wouldn't be fair to me to have this over my head."

"Fair to you?...You think I'd be some kind of burden for you? Max, I want to be there to help you, not stop you!"

"No, Sammi. You wouldn't be helping. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my work if I had to be thinking about how you were feeling all the time."

"How I was feeling all the time? What are-"

"Look, my life is just too hectic and, sorry, but I just have no room for you in it right now. I just can't afford to not give this internship one hundred percent, Sammi. I have no time to concentrate on anything else, but my studies."

"But we wouldn't even have to live together. I'll have a job and I can make friends. You'd only have to see me in your time off."

"I don't have time off, Sammi."

"But...but, you said you went out last weekend, and the week before that was that birthday party at Fabric, and and-"

"-I had to go to those, Sammi. It was with my work colleagues and the birthday was for one of the doctors on staff here. Keeping up appearances, you know how it is. I was shattered the next day."

"Oh...right. And Venice last month?" I asked quietly.

"Oh for God's sake, Sammi! I won't go over this again." He blew out his breath in a long sigh and then his voice softened, "Look, I'm really sorry. It was an amazing thing, really it was. But it's just not what I need right now. This...this is the way it has to be."

_But why wait until now?_ My mind screamed. I wanted to ask him why it had taken him so long to say all of this. Why he had to wait until I had packed up my life and arrived in a foreign country to be with him, to tell me he didn't want me.

"But why-"

"Look, I have to go, Sam. I'm sorry. Take care." His voice was steel and already miles away. It cut through me.

"I...bye," it came out so softly I wasn't sure he'd heard. He hung up anyway.

My fairytale was over.

I let the phone drop out my hands and felt myself descend into a fog. I stared uncomprehendingly at Liam as he came in to check on me.

"Sammi?" he asked quietly.

I couldn't speak. There were no words to describe the pain I was going through. My mind jumbled through the conversation and couldn't make any sense of anything.

"C'mon." He gathered me up in his arms and put me into his bed. Unlacing my boots, he pulled the covers over me fully clothed. "Do you need anything?"

_I need Max!_ I shook my head.

"I'll be right outside okay?" He stroked my hair once before switching the lights off and leaving the room.

I didn't think I could sleep, but I must have been exhausted because as soon as the door closed, my eyelids dropped and a welcome blackness closed over me. It was such a relief to shut it all out and not to have the phone conversation replay in my mind over and over. Thankfully I had a dreamless sleep.

*

I woke up the next morning, and blinked at the strange ceiling above me. I lay disoriented for a few seconds until the memory of yesterday thudded into my brain. I gasped for breath as a choking emptiness grew from my belly into my chest. I had to curl up into a ball to keep the pain from spreading all through my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to will myself to sleep again.

Make it stop, please make it stop!

I heard the door open softly and froze when I felt Liam's hand on my shoulder. I couldn't speak or move, this was something I didn't want to show him. He sighed then turned away. I heard him digging around in his closet then close the door gently behind him as he left the room.

The day went by in a foggy blur as I alternated between sleeping fitfully and staring unseeing at the ceiling. My mind was in turmoil, replaying the conversation over and over again. The stranger that spoke to me so harshly and without emotion couldn't have been the same Max that had made all of my happiness bloom. I couldn't connect the beautiful shining man that I had fallen in love with only months before with the one that said he now has no room in his life for me. Every little atom of sunshine seeped from my skin as I fell deeper into a black despair.

It was early evening by the time I surfaced and dragged myself to the couch. I felt a stab of guilt when I saw the folded sheets and blanket. _Way to repay Liam's generosity, Sammi_. I flicked the TV on and watched hours of nonsense, just glad to have the noise and pictures fill in the thick emptiness.

Liam came home carrying a bag of Chinese takeaway and a handful of DVDs. Sarah, his housemate, followed him in, shrugging out of a gorgeous ivory leather jacket.

"Hey Sam, this is Sarah."

I got up and attempted a small smile as I shook her hand.

The expression on her beautifully made up face said everything about my bedraggled appearance, but she only replied politely, "Hey Sammi. Nice to finally meet you."

I stood awkwardly for a beat before taking a seat at the dining table. She followed and sat down opposite me. My mind scrambled for anything to say, but it was clear I was fighting a losing battle. I smiled. She smiled. Silence.

"Right, well I'm going to unpack dinner while you girls chat a bit." Liam turned his attention to the take away then lifted two of the boxes out, waving them at me with a wide grin. "Cashew chicken and crab corn soup!"

I could only manage a small smile in response.

He looked over to Sarah and explained, "Her favourites."

Sarah nodded and smiled uneasily before reaching down to take off her stilettos. Her hair fell in a curtain of glossy chocolate as she ducked her head to reach her feet. I watched her perfectly manicured nails tap-tapping on the table between us as she turned to watch Liam in the kitchen. I turned and watched also, I didn't have the energy for small talk.

Dinner was relatively silent. Every so often Sarah would ask me a question about my work, or Liam would try to retell a funny story from high school days, but I just didn't have the energy for responses longer than a couple of words. In the end they were forced to ignore me and carry on the conversation as if I wasn't in the room. I didn't mind, it let me sink into my fog and not try to think too hard.

When the phone rang, Liam jumped up to get it.

"Hey mate. How's things?" Sarah and I had stopped eating to listen curiously in on the conversation. I was pushing my food around the plate while she watched me from behind her wine glass.

"Yeah, she's here. I'll just put her on." The phone was put under my chin. "It's Richard, Sam."

I grabbed the phone and went to sit on the couch. Liam and Sarah went about clearing the table while trying not to obviously eavesdrop.

"Hey Rich."

"Oh hon, what happened?" His voice was unbearably kind.

"How did you...?"

"Liam messaged me honey. He's terrified that you're going to lose it. He didn't give me details of course, just said you were staying with him and to call ASAP." Then more gently, "So, what happened?"

"He chucked me." My voice was flat.

"What?! Why? What do you mean chucked?"

"Chucked, dropped, dumped, broke up with..." The list dried out, I couldn't even bring myself to say it with any sarcasm. I closed my eyes to block out flashes of yesterday playing in my mind like a disjointed movie. I didn't have the energy to go through it all again on the phone. "Sorry Rich, I just can't really talk about it right now. It's over. And I'm staying with Liam." My voice cracked.

"Okay okay, my darling. You don't have to say another word. Well, actually you do, but take your time, sweetheart. Whenever you're up to it."

"Thanks, Rich."

"Welcome. Just know that we all still love you and if you need anyone to kick some arse, you know who to call."

"Sure. I love you guys too. Say hi to the girls from me."

"Kay, take care hun, give Liam a squeeze. Talk to you soon, hey?" He rang off.

I wanted to slip down into nothingness, barely registering when Liam took the phone from me.

"Movie time," he said gently and asked Sarah to put on one of the comedies he brought home.

I sat in silence not understanding the pictures on the screen. It must have been a funny movie because Sarah and Liam sniggered and laughed every so often.

Afterwards Sarah begged off to bed first while Liam helped me make the couch up. He waited until I crawled under the blanket then sat down next to me.

"It'll all be okay, Sam. It just seems really bad right now because it's still so raw. But you know, you will survive this. You're a fantastic, strong, smart girl." He ran his hand gently through my hair. "Don't let it pull you apart."

I stared in silence, focusing my attention on his muddy soccer boots, taking in every detail while I allowed my mind to wander. _If I was such a fantastic girl how come no one wanted me?_

"Sammi?"

"Sorry Liam. I'm just so...confused. It must be some kind of shock." I giggled not really knowing what I found so funny. It dissolved into a pained sigh. "I'll be fine, I just need some time. Thank you so much for taking me in and sorry if I'm such a zombie."

"It's okay, Sam. I just want you to...be okay."

"I will. At least I'll try." I looked up at his face, which was twisted in concern and shook my head. "Don't worry about me. Go to bed and get some rest. I'm sorry I hogged your room last night."

"Stop apologising..." He blew out his breath and squeezed my shoulder. "Okay, you get some sleep too, right?"

I nodded and pursed my lips in a weak imitation of a smile. There was a slight shake of the head before he got up and walked out of the room. "G'night."

"G'night."

The light flicked off and I was plunged into darkness with only the buzzing of the refrigerator for company. I blew out my breath and turned towards the back of the couch. I could feel the sharp edges of the charms digging into my wrist as I rested my head on my hand but I couldn't bring myself to take the bracelet off. My mind buzzed, but I squeezed my eyes shut, praying for sleep. After a while I couldn't take the muddled thoughts bubbling inside me and flicked the TV back on. I watched late night nonsense with the volume barely above zero until I crashed out sometime just before dawn.

The days grew repetitive after that. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up to a huge emptiness so painful that I would double up again. I gasped my way through the first few minutes of the morning until my breath came back. I'd see Max's face in front of me, the way he looked when we were happy together and the tears would well up again. I spent the rest of the day in a haze, only getting up from the couch to use the bathroom or when Liam would force me to eat or shower.

He was wonderful, never prying too hard, always there to hold me when the pain got too much. His presence became a balm, soothing me into some semblance of comfort and keeping the worst of the pain away. The days were a haze punctuated by brief relief when he would come back from work to wrap me up and soothe my ache.

I didn't want to surface from that fog, preferring to sink into the numbness. Liam would find me staring blankly out the window, tears silently streaming down my face. In moments of blissful nothingness the pain would surface with a sharp stab as my traitorous mind threw up images of Max and I'd have to look around frantically for something to distract myself with. I spent too much time watching awful daytime TV and soppy movies.

*

I'd been staring at the open fridge, looking for something to have for lunch when it hit me that I hadn't contributed to the food at all. I was mortified and made a snap decision to go out shopping. I grabbed my coat and keys and slammed the door behind me. As I stepped on to the footpath I patted my pockets. _Shit._ I'd forgotten my purse. Grumbling, I let myself in again and grabbed it from the living room.

I wandered down the street to Waitrose and picked up a basket on my way in. The security guard watched me and I saw his head shake slightly as his eyes trailed down my entire outfit. I looked down and realised I was still wearing my pyjama pants and Ugg boots. I was pretty sure my hair resembled a rat's nest and I couldn't remember the last time I had used my lip balm. _Whatever._ I honestly couldn't care less.

I roamed the aisles, grabbing things at random, throwing them into the basket. I paid, bagged the groceries and walked back to the flat. By the time I'd plonked the shopping on the kitchen counter I was exhausted. I quickly put the perishables into the fridge before collapsing on the couch and falling into a deep sleep.

Sometime later I heard the front door close and Liam walked in flicking the lights on. He put his bag on the counter next to the shopping and frowned while he rustled through their contents.

"What's this?"

I rubbed my eyes in the sudden light and peered at him. "I went shopping."

"I see....um, Sam. Maybe you should leave the groceries to me."

"Why?"

"Well, as much as I love SPAM, condensed milk," he started taking the items out of the bag, "baking soda and...a kiwi. I think it's best that you leave the food bit to me for now." His mouth twitched as he turned to face me.

"I...SPAM?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Oh God, I'm sorry Liam. I just felt so bad about not helping out, I just wanted to do something useful."

He walked over and sat next to me. "Sam, don't feel bad. I'll take care of it. "

"At least let me give you some money." He was about to argue again before I cut him off. "Please."

"Okay, sure. As long as you promise not to ever shop again." He chuckled, but then his face grew serious. "Sam, I just want to know when you're coming back?" he asked as he pulled a lock of hair from my face.

"Liam...I...I'm just not..." I clenched my teeth as I felt the emptiness throb against my chest. "Please, just-"

"Shhh. It's ok." He pulled me over and held me. "I'll wait."

I snuggled into his arm, letting my head rest on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I didn't know how much time had passed before we heard the front door open and close. Sarah walked in and stopped in her tracks when she saw us on the couch. I couldn't quite figure out the expression on her face, but it wasn't a happy one.

"Hey Sarah, how was work?" I asked. I struggled to sit upright as Liam still had his arm around me.

She stayed quiet for a moment before replying, "Usual. How about you? Did you manage to get off that couch today?" I was surprised at the venom that laced her words. Liam's face snapped up, his eyes flashing questioningly at her. She ignored him and shrugged out of yet another immaculate suit jacket as she sat down at the dining table opposite us.

"Um, yes. I went shopping." I laughed self consciously as I glanced at Liam. "But apparently I didn't do such a good job."

"Wow, shopping. Big step, Sam. Maybe you'll get even further that our block one of these days?"

"Sarah." Liam's voice was soft, but steely.

I looked between them uneasily. A weak laugh escaped me before I added quietly. "I hope so. I hate being an inconvenience."

"You're not an inconvenience, Sam. You never will be," Liam interjected, squeezing my shoulder. "Anyway, who wants some dinner? I feel like making something tonight. Pad Thai?" He jumped up from the couch and wandered towards the kitchen.

I nodded weakly, feeling a little off kilter from Sarah's behaviour. "Sounds good. Need help?"

"Nope. You ladies relax, be ready soon."

Sarah's eyes were on Liam as he moved around grabbing ingredients and utensils. She let out a sharp breath then picked up her jacket. "I'll just go get changed." She didn't look at me as she strode to her room.

I looked over to Liam and he turned to look at me. "I'm sorry," I mouthed.

He shook his head and shrugged, flashing me a lopsided smile. "Don't worry 'bout it," he mouthed back.

I sat back in the couch, chewing worriedly on my lower lip. Finally I sighed and turned the TV on. I didn't know what the source of the animosity was, but I hoped it was just a one off. _Maybe she had a bad day?_ I just wished I had the will and energy to get out and move on. Right now it was all I could do to wake up every morning and attempt conversations of more than a few sentences. I hoped Liam would be patient even if Sarah wasn't going to be.

*

He did let me be for a few weeks, but eventually Liam couldn't stand to watch me disintegrate. Try as he might he couldn't get through to me. He'd had enough of my languishing and was growing more worried about me by the day. But I just couldn't make myself rise out of the abyss and make more of an effort to recover.

To make things worse, Sarah was getting more and more unfriendly. She started to ignore me, only speaking to me when I had the energy to try and have a friendly conversation. Her answers were always short. She took to leaving the room if Liam came in to join us, only pepping up when they were leaving for work together or as they came home in the evening. A small suspicion started to grow about her motivation, but I was too much of a mess to analyse too deeply. All I knew was it all made me more exhausted by the day.

After finding me slumped on the couch sobbing in front of yet another depressing film, Liam pulled me up to have a talk.

"Sammi, you can't do this anymore."

I let out a long sigh in response, but couldn't find the energy or the will to speak.

"You've got to get on with things. I can't watch you rip yourself apart over him anymore." He took me by the shoulders and looked straight into my eyes. "As much as I love you, babe, you've got to get off my couch."

I sniffed and nodded slowly. From somewhere deep in the fog I realised that as hard as it would be, he was right. I wanted to stay sunken forever, to not let myself feel again because that just meant more pain and confusion. I never wanted to surface from the mind numbing state I was in, but I knew I was becoming too much of a nuisance for him and for Sarah.

"Look, I'll help you, 'kay? Let's go through some of the online posts and see if we can't find you a job in some fantastic pub. You can party all day long and forget about all of this!"

Yeah right.

The likelihood of that happening was close to zero, but I nodded anyway. I'd known when I came over that my working holiday visa would restrict me from finding a job in my usual profession, but the thought of waiting tables or serving beer in a dingy little bar just didn't appeal. I really should have organised myself better and followed in Liam's footsteps. I should have arranged for a decent job before coming over. But that might've taken too long and I had been too irrational, too eager to come and be with Max as soon as was possible.

His face popped into my mind again and I winced in pain. Liam looked at me in alarm.

"Sorry, just remembered...something..." I tried a small smile to reassure him. I clenched my teeth and forced the image from my mind.

"Look, I would love to have you here forever, you know that. But –"

"I know, Liam," I interrupted him "you've been wonderful. But it's high time I get out of your hair. I'm sorry I've just been such a lump. Sarah hates me."

"She doesn't hate you. She understands what's going on. She's probably just worried, we're all worried about you."

He gathered me up for a hug and I snuggled into the comfort it gave me. I didn't feel so empty when Liam was around.

"What am I going to do without you, Liam?"

He laughed gently. "You'll be fine, Sam. You just need to let time do its work. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but one day we'll look back at this and laugh about what a scary ugly mess you've turned into...ow!"

I jabbed him in the rib for the last comment then sighed. "Alright, let's do this. Pass me your laptop will you?"

With a final squeeze Liam jumped up and grabbed his laptop from the dining table and together we searched for the next step in my life.

****

### Cambridge

We trawled through the online job forums for days, discussing the pros and cons of each potential ad until I found one that seemed to be the best bet. It was in a pub that offered free room and board. The owners sounded nice on the phone and the salary was decent. Best of all it was in Cambridge, far enough that I'd get away from London and Max, but close enough to visit Liam and vice versa. Liam was a little concerned that I wanted to move straight away without checking it out first, but I had a good feeling and trusted my instincts.

I took the train up the next morning bringing only my backpack with me. I promised Liam I would come back to pick up the rest of my things when I was settled.

'The Old Arms' turned out to be a quaint little country pub in a sleepy village just outside Cambridge proper. The owners, David and Susannah, were a young married couple who had bought the place a few years ago when it had been falling to bits. They were open and friendly, chatting animatedly about pub life and how much they loved living out in the country. I liked them immediately.

After chatting for only a few minutes it was decided that I could move in right away. Susannah led me upstairs above the pub to the staff quarters so I could get oriented with my new living arrangement. She led me to a short corridor with four doors and opened one of them to show me the room.

"Sorry it's a bit squishy. But you have a window, your own sink and well, it's not much of a cupboard, but at least somewhere to hang your clothes."

"It's perfect and I really don't need that much."

I squeezed passed her and bounced down on the single mattress.

"Hold on, I'll be right back with your uniform. Next shift starts in half an hour and you may as well get on to it." She paused. "That is, if you don't mind?"

"Of course not."

"Good, be right back."

She left me alone to look around my new home. Walls freshly painted a pale cream, dark grey carpet and bright blue duvet cover. I was going to have to add some touches to make it a bit more homey, but it would do for now.

"Okay! Here we go. You have black trousers right?" Susannah came back in and handed me a stack of black, button down shirts and aprons.

"Sure do. I'll change into these now?"

"Yes, yes. I'll just pop out for a minute, have to make a call."

She closed the door behind her and I took a deep breath before throwing my pack onto the bed. I rustled through for the black "waitressing" pants I'd bought in Brisbane.

The high collared black shirt was a little big, but when I tucked it into the pants it didn't look too bad. I wrapped the apron around my waist and then checked out the result in the narrow mirror leaning in the corner. _You can do this._

I heard a soft knock. "Ready?"

"Yep. All done." I smiled as I opened the door.

"Oh my, you are tiny aren't you? That's an S." She cocked her head to the side. "Still, looks good enough. Come, I'll show you to the pub."

I followed, watching her soft blonde curls bounce with each step as she led the way down the steps. Her chatter filled my ears as we walked towards the kitchen entrance out back.

"And so after many months of the nightmare with the contractors we finally opened. We've a lovely bunch of regulars and it's nice and quiet around here. Not like a city pub where you'd be rushing to pull beers and pour drinks for cranky punters."

"Thank goodness for that." I couldn't believe my luck, it looked like I'd found the perfect job. "Thank you so much for trusting that I can do this. I know I haven't got the best hospitality resume-"

"Pshah! Don't worry about it." She interrupted me with a wave. "As I said, it'll all come to you. Just make yourself at home. Sounds corny, but we _are_ one big happy family here so if you need any help, just shout out." She paused as she pushed the heavy door open. "Kitchen. Chef should be coming in soon. Always late, but so good that I have to forgive him his little transgressions." She laughed to herself as we walked through the spotless kitchen.

Every surface gleamed, the utensils lined up neatly across the bain marie waiting for the chef to come in and bring them to life. We passed a line of grills, ovens and stovetops that looked like they'd been scrubbed to within an inch of their lives.

She continued to talk as she pushed open a black swinging door with her back. "And now, through to the pub. I'll introduce you to Maia, our duty manager. She'll take care of you, show you the ropes."

Maia had long black hair, towered at around 5'10 and looked like she wouldn't take any crap from anyone. She looked up from wiping the bar down as we walked in, stopping to lean against the polished walnut bench.

"Hey Suze, this the newbie?" Her face broke into a friendly grin that made me feel a little bit more at ease. Her thick Aussie accent was familiar.

"Sammi, from Brisbane. I said you would show her the ropes, how it all works with our big family here." Susannah beamed at me before giving my shoulder a squeeze. "I'm going to go help David with the orders before his head pops. Good luck!" She gave me two thumbs up before leaving us alone.

Maia watched her leave then rolled her eyes. "Big happy family. She's a bit loony that one, but a sweetheart." She turned her attention to me. "So, ever pulled a beer?"

I shook my head. "I've never actually worked in a pub before. I've done the bar course though. I guess I know it in theory?" I smiled hoping that would make up for all my shortcomings.

"Hah, theory! Not worth spit until you get in here and do it though eh?" I shook my head in agreement, but stayed mum. "Never mind, listen I've been doing this for years and it's not rocket science. Here, I'll show you." She leant over me and grabbed a glass from the bar. As she was teaching me how to pull a proper beer another girl walked in, tying an apron around her waist.

"Hey Aysh, we've got fresh blood. Sammi, this is Aysha." Maia nodded over at me as she expertly pulled the oversized handle. A stream of golden liquid flowed into the half pint she held in her other hand.

I smiled over at Aysha who came over to watch the lesson. She had short-cropped red hair and looked to be as equally tall as Maia. I was beginning to feel like a dwarf.

"You're learning from the best there, Sam. Maia really knows how to handle a stick," she deadpanned in a thick Kiwi accent before giving me a quick wink.

Maia snorted. "Never had a complaint." She finished pouring the beer with a flourish. "And that's how it's done, chicky. The perfect ratio of beer to froth." She put the beer away next to the sink and slapped her hands together. "Alrighty! Aysh, get your fat arse out of my bar and onto the tables. I'll get Sam to help me out in here."

Aysha swivelled, hand on hips and pursed her lips at Maia.

Maia looked back at her. "What?" She took a step forward.

Aysha flicked her head and also took a step until I was sandwiched between them.

"What did you say about my arse?" she asked in a dangerously quiet voice.

I felt the tension rising and hated being in the middle of the two bigger girls. They stared straight into each other's eyes, noses almost touching. I started to duck slowly, trying to slide my way out from between them.

They both exploded in laughter.

"You should have seen your face, Sam!" Aysha doubled up in a fit of giggles as Maia grabbed my shoulders and squeezed.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, chicky, but that was priceless. Did you really think we were going to deck each other?"

I gave a weak chuckle. _What have I got myself into?_

Aysha wiped her eyes with a napkin and apologised. "Sorry, sorry. Look we're not that mental, but that was worth it. Welcome to the team."

My heartbeat came back to normal and I shook my head at the both of them. Maia flicked her napkin at Aysha as she sauntered out of the bar and we finally got to work. We had to set up the bar and dining room before the customers came in as well as check for any reservations that would have to be set for the evening. When it was opening time, Maia unlocked the heavy wooden door and placed our a-frame sign outside.

It was only minutes before an elderly couple came in, stamping their feet on the welcome mat.

"Afternoon folks, do you have a reservation?" Maia called out from the bar.

They nodded, the little lady beaming in her mac and scarf.

Aysha swooped in holding two large leather menus and showed them to a small table by the fireplace.

From then on a steady stream of customers came in and soon the pub was buzzing with chatter. A small knot of regulars sat at the corner of the bar and asked me a steady stream of questions. They were a friendly bunch of old codgers and I didn't mind satisfying their open curiosity.

"Give her a bit of a break with the questions eh, George. The poor girl's got to concentrate on her job for a bit."

"Ah sorry, Maia, but it looks like the lass is getting the hang of things. Eh, Sammi?" George asked, his nose glowing after a couple of hours at the bar.

"It's not that difficult. I guess the pints aren't that bad then, gentlemen?"

I was greeted with a rousing round of grunts and yesses from the rag tag group. I nodded happily and went back to cleaning the steaming glasses that had just come out of the washer.

I picked it all up quickly and actually found myself enjoying the routine of working the pub. By the end of the evening I realised that I this was exactly what I needed. I was kept busy enough that I wouldn't have time to think of much other than serving drinks, wiping the bar, chatting to the friendly old regulars, refilling the fridges and countless other jobs that Maia fired at me.

Maia rang the first warning bell at 10:45 pm and it took another half an hour before George and his mates were persuaded to leave.

When the last of them had weaved out, we locked the door and finished the clean up. The chef sent out our meals and we sat down together to have a late dinner before going to bed.

"Good job tonight, Sam. Get some shut-eye, it'll all start again tomorrow." Maia winked before retreating into her room.

Aysha disappeared through her door with a quick thumbs up and I gathered my things for a quick shower before jumping into bed happily exhausted.

And there I hit a snag. Alone in my small dark room the loneliness crept up on me and I found myself curled up in a ball once again, trying to keep the pain from spreading.

Please, please, make it stop!

I cried myself to sleep and dreamt of Max coming into the pub. I stood behind the bar mesmerised by his beautiful cold face as he walked towards me. He asked for a pint of lager and waited impatiently as I fumbled around for a glass. I pulled on the lever and a messy shot of froth poured into the pint glass, overflowing onto my hands. I tried again and this time a small stream of amber came out. I grew frustrated as the glass filled up ever so slowly. It took forever, but I finally handed him the pint shakily. He laughed at the frothy mess and threw it down to smash on the floor before storming out. I woke up with a start as the door slammed shut behind him.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

I was lying blinking in the morning sun, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. _And_ _where am I?_ I turned my head to the right and saw my apron on the back of a chair and it all came back to me in a rush. I felt that old familiar ache wash over me. I tried to breathe slowly to control the pain while squeezing my eyes shut to imagine the emptiness closing in on itself slowly.

It didn't work.

Instead I started to hyperventilate and had to roll into foetal position for 10 minutes. Finally when the worst was over I exhaled and forced myself to get up and out of bed. I had no idea what time it was, but I had the morning shift so had to get myself together. I still had some unpacking to do before shift started.

I looked out of my small cottage window and despite myself, smiled at the beautiful picture. The pub had a small stream running alongside and I could just see the tops of several weeping willows peeping above the mist. A long paddock stretched out behind the stream into the outer border of the village. The mist had blanketed the earth and made everything whisper quiet.

" _BeepBeepBeepBeepBEEP!"_

The insistent trill of my phone alarm cut through me.

"Alright, alright!" I muttered and ran over to shut it off before it woke the rest of the boarders.

_8:45._ Just over two hours to unpack and get myself together for the morning shift.

As was habit by now, I checked for messages that I knew weren't going to be there. I threw the phone onto the bed, disgusted with myself before I grabbed my toiletry bag and towel.

I ran into Aysha as she was coming out of the communal shower.

"Heya Sam," she smiled "ready to do it all again?"

"Morning, Aysh. Yep, bring it on."

"Hah! Good, good. Hey, Maia and I are going out tomorrow night, want to come along?"

"Uh, aren't I on?"

"Nope. You, me and Maia all have Friday nights off. Dom and Valentine are taking the night shift."

"Dom and Valentine?"

"Oh right, the French couple who live across from your room. We alternate shifts. So you're coming right? We'll grab dinner here first, sneak a couple of pints then head into town."

I hesitated, I wasn't ready for so much socialising just yet. "I'm not sure, I..." I scrambled for a good excuse, but she interrupted quickly.

"C'mon, it'll be fun! Girls' night out. Promise!" She grinned in encouragement.

Her friendly enthusiasm was hard to resist and I felt my resolve crumble.

"Please?" she asked again.

_What the hell, didn't I come up here for distraction?_ I heard myself say "Okay."

"Yay!" She clapped her hands together excitedly.

I couldn't help but giggle at her childish display.

"Kay, well see ya tonight, Sam. I've got the morning off."

"Lucky you. See ya."

I waved her off before stepping into the bathroom.

_Hmm, cleaner than expected_.

Maia and I worked the day shift together and I slipped into the routine easily thanks to the bar and waitressing short course I'd taken in my first year of university. Amazingly, this was the first opportunity I had to use the skills. I'd been offered part time work in the web industry in first year and had moved straight into full time at the I.T. firm right after graduation.

The next day all three of us were on the morning shift and again fell into an easy routine. When we finished our shift around 4pm Maia went straight to her room for a nap while Aysha and I had our lunches in the now quiet dining room.

She watched curiously as I poured _sambal_ on my plate of chips.

" _Sambal_ ABC, best chilli sauce on earth." I waved the bottle in front of her. "Want to try?"

She picked it up and read the contents briefly before putting it down between us. "Huh, maybe next time. Not sure it would go well with lettuce."

"You'd be surprised." I laughed as she scrunched up her face.

"So, what's your story?" Aysha asked me as she pushed her goat's cheese salad around her plate.

"My story?"

"Yeah. All of us have a story, the reason why we ended up in this mad old pub."

I stayed silent, not sure I was ready to share, no matter how nice she seemed.

"Take me, for example, I'm just an incurable gypsy. I came over here right after high school for a couple of months and fell in love with Europe. I dreamt about coming back for years until I got fed up with working the local pubs in Wellington. Put my stuff in storage and trooped over. Babysat, wait sorry, _au paired,_ for a rich couple in Paris for a year before landing this job. Now _that's_ not something you want to do, Sam. Loved the kids to death, but bloody French parents. Urgh!"

"Incurable gypsy. I like that, I think that's what my Mum is."

"Oh yeah, is she Australian?"

"No, Polish."

"Wow, cool. Maia's half Polish too."

"Yeah, she told me. I was kinda embarrassed I couldn't speak a word of it though."

"Really, didn't your Mum teach you?"

"No, not much beyond thank you," I snorted. "Not much use for it in Bali, I guess."

"I bet. Hold on." She pushed her chair back grabbing her empty glass. "Do you want another lemonade?"

I shook my head and watched her walk behind the bar to pour herself a drink.

"So where is your Mum now?" She asked as she wandered back to the table.

"In Byron Bay. She's an artist, lives on her own on a farm and paints, sculpts, anything. She's incredibly creative."

"Is that where you get it from?"

"Who says I'm creative?"

"Well, you have to be kind of creative to be a web designer, don't you?"

"I guess." I shrugged. "But I always envy her ability to just pick up any medium and make the most beautiful things."

"I'm sure it's genetic," she added kindly.

I smiled in return.

"And your Dad?"

"Dad's a journalist. Lives in Bali, but travels quite a bit for his work. I remember calling up from Oz when I was younger and always getting his secretary telling me he couldn't talk because he was in Mongolia, or Shanghai, or Rome."

"Wow, sounds amazing!"

"It's a bit different, but not so amazing. Everyone has an interesting story."

"Yeah, yours is just a little bit more interesting than most though. So you're half Indonesian right? How come your skin is so light?" She asked the question that was always on everyone's lips.

I knew it was a curiosity for everyone that I wasn't darker skinned, but it sometimes got a bit tiring to answer the same questions. I shook off my mild irritation before answering.

"I don't know? Our family is from Sumatra, some of them are even paler than me. Or maybe Mum's genes are stronger?" I didn't really have a better answer for her so just ended with a shrug.

"You really have quite the family, Sam. Mine are just plain old B&B owners from a country town outside Wellington. My Mum runs the cottage and Dad takes care of the farm."

"But that sounds lovely, must be so gorgeous growing up there. All that beautiful countryside. I've never been to New Zealand, but it's definitely on my bucket list." Aysha smiled in response. "Are you close to your parents?"

"Yeah, I love em to bits. They've been married since just out of university, high school sweethearts the whole bit. I'm not saying they're perfect, but they really keep it together, especially when it comes to the B&B. I hope I get to run my own place one day. It's hard work, but worth it to have something you can call your own." She beamed before changing the subject again. "So, how did you end up here then?"

I frowned and had to fight not to clench my jaw. "Long story. Boring really. What about Maia, what's her story?"

She looked at me knowingly, but decided to answer. "Well, you wouldn't think it, but she's got a Masters. She was about to start in some fancy-shmancy law firm in Sydney then got into some colossal fight with her Dad and chucked it all in. She packed up and has been in sunny ol' England ever since."

I raised my eyebrow. "Somehow that doesn't surprise me. She'd be perfect as one of those tough lawyers you see on American shows."

She chuckled. "Yeah, you can totally see her cracking some poor guy's nuts in court, right?"

We both laughed in agreement and went on to discuss our favourite shows and bemoan the lack of decent TV in England.

****

### Lost

Where are you Sammi?

I stared at my reflection in my tiny bedroom mirror in dismay. The deep purple shadows showed through the layers of makeup I'd tried to slather under my haunted eyes. I wasn't sure who this sad girl looking back at me was.

I traced my gaze from the deep line across my once smooth forehead, across my dark brown eyes and to my full mouth, the corners of which were slightly down turned. I slathered some pink gloss on my lips and attempted a smile. It came out as a scary grimace. _Ugh._

"Ready?" Aysha popped her head into my room before stepping in through the door. She was wearing figure hugging jeans, an emerald green strapless top and the highest heels I've ever seen.

"Wow, look at you, Aysh! Hot!"

She did a quick turn and beamed.

"I need to change!"

"Don't be stupid, Sam, you look great. Ok, maybe just the sneaks...and the top."

"What's wrong with my top?"

"Honey, it's fine if you were going to chop wood in a forest. Flannel woodsy is so last century." She started rifling through my wardrobe and pulled out a dark purple cotton tank top with sequined edging. "This one, put it on. Heels?"

"Um, I have a pair of boots?"

"Bloody put them on then, its ladieeeees night, woman!" She laughed excitedly as I pulled out the black boots from my shoe rack.

They added at least another 10 centimetres to me. I changed my top, slipped my boots on and stood up to show her the result.

"Much better." She stepped back and appraised the overall effect. "Love the earrings!"

"Thanks." I fingered intricate filigree gold hoops and smiled. "They were Mum's, but I pinched them from her."

"They're beautiful." She came over and touched them gently.

"I know. She had them made in Bali. Her design."

"And the bracelet? Did she make that too?"

"Um, no. It was a gift...from a friend." I turned quickly to hunt for my small purse.

"Nice. Ok, grab your coat, Maia's down waiting for us at the bar. Partyyyyy!" She ran out of the room excitedly.

I did what I was told and grabbed my giant down coat. It was on one of four hangers in my miniscule wardrobe. I stole one last glance at the mirror, catching a glimpse of sad eyes, and closed the door behind me.

I caught up with Aysh on the stairs and we hurried to join Maia at the bar. She was having a beer and chatting animatedly with Susannah, David, George, and a couple of the elderly regulars.

"Ready for a big night out then, girls?"

"Hell yeah, Susannah, time to show this little missy the wild nightlife of Cambridge town." Aysha laughed as we slid onto the bar stools next to the group.

"I think I'm scared." I nodded in thanks at the small beer that slid in front of me. _Uh oh_. This was going to be difficult - I hated beer. I took a tentative sip and tried to keep my face straight. _Just be grateful and sip slowly._

David laughed then added seriously, "You should be, you never know with these girls. Especially Maia, I think she may have a cog loose." He picked up his drink and winked at her before taking a sip.

"And yet you trust me with your bar," she countered, toasting him with her beer.

"Touché!" Susannah laughed and ruffled David's hair before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. He grinned at her with a look dripping with love and affection.

"Ahem! C'mon, not in front of the children." Maia cleared her throat.

Susannah blushed and picked up her drink, but not before David could get a quick peck in on her cheek.

"So, anyway, here's to a good night out for our newest member of the family!" David lifted his beer and beamed at me with his happy brown eyes. "To Sammi!"

"Sammi!" everyone cheered and continued to drink. They all had a few more beers while we ate a quick dinner at the bar. I nursed my one Stella slowly, trying not to grimace with every sip.

"7:55! Time to run, girls!" Maia announced, picking her coat up.

Aysha and I followed suit, saying good night quickly to everyone before running out to catch the bus.

The big red double-decker was just pulling out of the stop as we hurried across the street. We ran giggling and shouting, "Wait!" until the driver saw us and held the doors open. I was amazed that neither of the girls managed to break an ankle in their killer heels. The driver didn't seem that impressed and took our money grumpily. Aysha and Maia smiled sweetly before making their way up to the second level. I followed, sending him an apologetic look, which was rewarded with a stony face.

"Filthy's please, on the double!" Aysha cried as she collapsed into a seat on the empty top floor.

"Filthy's?"

"i.e. Filthy Friday's. i.e. Fifth Avenue. Our regular in Cambridge. Cheap drinks, cute college boys and awful music. We always start the night there before we hit the clubs," Maia explained.

"Ah. Sounds lovely."

Both girls laughed. Maia took out her iPhone and started playing music from her playlist. The girls danced and giggled as I watched and smiled along. I wasn't feeling quite up to a big night and was wondering what I'd gotten myself into.

They had me by each arm as we rushed into Filthy's and immediately ordered drinks at the bar. There was a £1 special for premixed bottles and we each ordered five to start.

"This is going to get really messy."

"Hell yeah, Sammi!" Maia whooped as the bartender handed her the drinks. "That's what Filthy's is for!"

We found a table and arranged our bottles in three neat rows. Little soldiers in our battle to have a great night out. As I sipped my second Breezer we heard Michael Jackson's "Pretty Young Thing" blare out on the speakers and Aysha stood up so quickly she nearly knocked over her chair.

"Oh my God! We have to dance!" She squeaked and grabbed Maia and my arm. Maia shook her head stubbornly and stayed in her seat.

"Come ooonnnn Maia. You never dance!" Aysha begged.

"No-where near dark enough in here missy. Take Sam, she looks keen."

Aysh looked over at me; I'd already stood up to follow her. I swayed softly and grinned at them. I had no problem getting up to dance as I usually didn't need alcohol to get out on the floor. In this case, the drinks had pushed my misgivings about partying to a quiet corner to sulk while the rest of me cheered loudly to get smashed and forget.

"My God Sammi, you've only had two."

"Your cheeks are bright red!"

"Asian genes, notsho good with alcohol." _Hmm, worse than usual._ I usually didn't start slurring until after the third drink.

Aysha laughed. "As long as you can dance! C'mon!" She excitedly pushed me towards the floor, which was currently occupied by exactly four other people. Neither of us cared and immediately started to move enthusiastically to the song. We stayed there for the next hour until Maia came over and said we should make our move. We danced our way out of the pub and into the street, giggling as we staggered to the club, which was only a couple of blocks away.

_This is great!_ I'd found the more I drank the further away all the jumbled emotions and creeping pain became, until I was wrapped in a cotton wool of happiness and laughter. _I should have done this ages ago!_

We were standing in a long line, dancing to Maia's iPhone to keep warm while we inched slowly forward.

"Turn that racket off will ya." I heard a gruff voice behind us cutting into the music. A tall brute of a boy squinted down at us. We turned to face him and he repeated himself, "Turn. That. Crap. Off." His buddies sniggered, slapping him on the back in encouragement.

Maia stepped up to him and asked slowly, "What did you say?" She came up to his chin, but she looked up fiercely, undeterred.

They stared at each other.

"Um, Maia, I think we should just turn it down," Aysha and I mumbled, pulling her back from the boy, who was now leaning over her flexing his hands.

"Oi! You're next." A girl behind the boys yelled out to us. It was our turn to get in past the bouncers. Aysha and I took a shoulder each and pulled Maia behind the barrier. With a last glare at the boy, she followed us into the thumping club.

"Jeezus, what the hell was that?" I asked as we handed over our entrance money.

Aysha laughed lightly. "Don't worry about it, Maia just thinks she's tougher than she is." She elbowed her fondly before paying her fee. Maia gave her a flat stare before flashing a maniacal grin.

"You guys are crazy." I shook my head and handed over my coat to the girl behind the counter.

"I've seen worse from her! Now shut up, time for some funnnnn!"

We danced most of the night away with Maia joining us occasionally. She preferred to spend her time at the bar chatting with the bar staff or any boy brave enough to approach her.

"Oh my God, that amount of vodka would land me in a hospital. How is she still standing up?" I yelled into Aysha's ear as we watched Maia down another drink.

"That's nothing. I've seen her do that all night long and still be able to carry me home. Oh, watch out."

"What?" I turned to where she was looking and saw a couple of guys coming up to start dancing with us.

They were pretty awful dancers and Aysha and I giggled across at each other as they tried to impress us with their moves. One of them smiled and wiggled his eyebrows at me. I laughed at how ridiculous he looked, but he seemed to take it the wrong way, thinking it was some kind of invitation. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close, leaning in to kiss me. I tried to pull away, but he was too strong. I turned my head to the side in disgust.

With a sudden jerk I felt him being yanked away.

I heard Aysha growl dangerously, "Get your hands off my woman!" as she towered over both of us. She grabbed me possessively by my waist and glared at the guy. He looked up in surprise, first at her then to me, finally making the decision to slink away. I looked over at Aysh and we both burst out laughing.

"I guess I have a bodyguard now." I hugged her in thanks.

"No problemo." She winked at me.

"You girls ok?"

"Maia! All good, just some losers trying to hit on little Sam. In the mood for a boogie?"

"Why not, I'm here already."

She joined us for a couple of songs then retreated to her favourite spot at the bar.

Aysha and I danced til dawn, hardly taking a break from the floor, and then only to refill our drinks at the bar. Every so often some brave boys would join us and if they behaved we'd let them dance with us, or else we'd take turns rescuing each other. The night dissolved into a haze.

At around 5am we dragged ourselves back to the pub and I collapsed into bed, falling into a drunken dead sleep. I was surprised that I slept through until early afternoon without dreaming. It was the first time since the first night that I'd arrived in London all those weeks ago. I was so thankful I even accepted the ripping hangover without too much fuss. I was disappointed that the throbbing emptiness still hounded me as I lay in bed, but at least I found away to fall sleep without crying.

After that we went out on average of four times a week, always until early into the morning and always starting at Filthy's. I started to drink more and more, craving the oblivion that came with it. I lost count of the nights and days I spent in Cambridge.

*

"He's checking you out," Aysha yelled into my ear as we danced to one of the latest R&B songs.

"Who?" I yelled back at her.

"That guy! The hottie in the blue shirt. Omigod, he's coming over!"

I laughed as she stepped back excitedly. _Ok, keep calm, Sam!_ I concentrated on looking nonchalant, but friendly while keeping up with the beat of the song. He could be interested in Aysha for all I knew.

'Hottie' came over and started dancing with us. He leant over and whispered something in my ear.

"What?" I yelled back at him.

He laughed and tried again. "You're gorgeous."

_Original._ I smiled. Lucky he was so good looking. I saw Aysha melt away, giving me a little wave as she walked off the dance floor.

Hottie stepped in and danced in front of me, grinning from ear to ear.

"My name's David," he yelled as we bopped to the music.

At least he can move.

I nodded and leant into him. "Sammi."

I was a bit of a sucker for a man who could dance well. It wasn't long before we were having fun showing off our best moves for each other. R&B music does something to me, it releases my inhibitions and I feel like I can do or say anything when I hear it. I wiggled my hips suggestively and when I saw the smouldering look he gave in response I bit my lip and started to sway softly. His eyes glazed over and he pulled me to him by my hips. I could hardly focus my eyes and the music started to seem further away as the copious amounts of alcohol coursed through my system. Everything now moved in slow motion. David leant his head down, his face drawing nearer. _Oh no! Don't!_ His face came closer and closer and I struggled for breath. He closed the gap and his lips met mine. I closed my eyes for an instant and saw Max's face. I threw them open again and gasped.

David pulled back and looked into my panicked eyes. "What?!"

"Nothing, nothing. Sorry." I shook my head miserably and pushed him out of the way as I ran off the dance floor. I found Aysha sitting at the bar with Maia.

"What? Oh Sam, not again." She shook her head and hugged me.

"I know, I know." I waved my hands in front of my face in a vain attempt to stop the tears. "I'm completely crazy, Aysh. I just can't help it."

Maia patted my back soothingly. "Yes, you are off your tree, Sam."

"Thanks, Maia." I sniffed.

"Well, that guy was yummy enough to eat with a spoon."

We all paused in silence to contemplate that truth before Aysh pulled me up and wiped my tears away.

"What are we going to do with you? You're useless. One of these days you have to take one of them home. Trust me, it's the best therapy."

I nodded even though I didn't quite believe her. Judging by what just happened it was glaringly obvious that I wasn't anywhere ready for that yet.

"Listen, whatever. Screw them all!" She paused as she realised what she said. "Hah. Or not. Let's just us girls have fun eh? C'mon, back out there with you, missy. And yes, that means you too, Maia." She grabbed us by the arms and pulled us to the dance floor.

I smiled weakly and followed her obediently. More drinks were ordered and soon I was so far gone that the emptiness was filled with an alcoholic fog.

*

A few weeks later Liam and I made plans for him to come up to have a night out with us in Cambridge. I wanted him to meet my new friends and to show him how much fun I was having out here. Our phone conversations always led back to how I was coping and I was beginning to get tired of the worry and concern in his voice each time my voice wavered. This way if he could see I was surrounded by good people and having a wild time, maybe he would stop asking.

I was just finishing my day shift when I heard the crunch of tyres on the gravel driveway outside. I ran out the door, jumping on him as he stepped from the cab.

"Liam! You made it!"

It was good to see his smiling face light up when he saw me running to him.

"Sam! Oof, you're going to put my back out!" He hugged me back fiercely. We were acting like we hadn't seen each other in years and both started to laugh sheepishly.

"Well, hello there." I heard Aysha's voice coming from behind us. I turned to see her walking out the pub door, loosening her apron.

I stepped away from Liam and introduced them. "Liam, Aysha. Aysh, _this_ is Liam, my best friend and knight in shining armour." Liam blushed lightly, but took Aysha's hand and shook it warmly. I could see a familiar twinkle in her eyes as she looked him up and down quickly.

When Liam turned to get his backpack out of the taxi she raised her eyebrows appreciatively and mouthed "Hot!" to me. I shook my head and tried to contain my giggle.

We walked him inside where Maia was just finishing up cleaning the bar and closing the pub down for the afternoon break. We all chatted while we locked up, after which I took him to my room to drop his bag.

"So, what do you feel like for dinner tonight?" I asked as we flopped down on my bed.

"I could murder a curry actually. Any decent Indian grub in town?"

"Of course, university town, remember? There's one on main street we've been thinking about trying, supposed to be the best in town."

"Done." He was quiet for a few minutes before he turned to me, supporting his head on his palm. "So how's things?" His eyes searched mine for a clue.

I smiled and looked down before answering him honestly. "Better. Getting there I guess. It's really good having the girls around, Aysha especially. They take care of me, mostly by getting me completely smashed." I laughed before continuing. "No, I'm serious, Liam. Don't worry about me. I always knew this would take a long time to...get over, but I'm working on it. 'Kay?" My smile wavered a bit, but I hoped he would understand.

He was quiet for a moment before sighing. "Okay. I'll let you off lightly. Just as long as you're taking care of yourself too, Sam." I nodded and was about to tell him not to worry again when I saw Aysha come to the door.

"Hola! Am I interrupting?" Aysha wandered into the room and flopped down next to us. I shook my head and moved to give her more room.

"Just telling Liam here that you girls are taking care of me and that I'm having a blast out here."

"That we are. No need to fret, Mr Bennet, we've got this one." She winked across at him.

He laughed softly and nodded his head. "Okay, okay. Got the picture, my Sam is all taken care of." He nudged me before sitting up to face us. "So Aysh, Kiwi right? How long since you've been over?"

"Yep yep, Nuzelland all the way. I came over about a year and 3 months ago now. I worked in Paris before this, babysitting."

"Au pairing," I corrected.

Aysha laughed. "That's right, _au pairing_. Anyway, that was a nightmare so I came here and have been as happy as a pig in...well you know. I mean sometimes it gets repetitive and there's the odd wanker coming into the pub, but overall it's pretty fun. Now that this one is here," she nudged me with her shoulder, "it's definitely improved. How about you, Liam, enjoying London town?" She raised herself up to a half sitting position and I was sandwiched between them on the bed.

"Ok, I'm going to let you guys chat. Jumping in the shower so we can move off into town soon, yeah?" I bounded up and went to grab my towel and toiletry bag.

"Sounds good." Aysha had her eyes on Liam while she answered.

I snorted and shook my head. _Look out, Liam._ I left them to it and walked over to Maia's room on my way down. She was sitting on her bed still in her uniform, a thick book opened on her lap while she sipped a cup of tea.

"Hey, Maia." She looked up from her book and smiled. "We're going to try Queens Tandoori tonight. Probably take off in an hour or so?" She nodded and raised her cup to me. I got the hint and made my way down to our shared bathroom. By the time I came back to my room Liam was on his own, getting his gear out for the night.

"You've got a sms." He nodded towards my phone sitting on the side table.

"Thanks." _I wonder...?_ I picked it up and read the text. "It's from Richard." I couldn't help a small twinge of disappointment. I should know by now I wasn't going to hear from Max.

Babe, hv a fantabulous time 2nite. Say hi to my darling hotness. Girls say Hi, n they 2 wld like 2 pinch his yummy arse. Go easy on the college boys tiger.

I giggled and started to type a quick reply as I sat down on the bed.

"Funny?" Liam asked curiously.

"He says hi to the _hotness_." I laughed again as Liam rolled his eyes and continued to gather his things. "Shower's all yours by the way. You brought a towel?"

"Sure did." He dragged out a patchy discoloured travel towel that looked like it had more holes than terry.

"What the hell is that?" I laughed.

"My travel towel?" He threw it over his shoulder. "It's seen a bit of action, the great gap year tour of Asia and India. And couple of years tramping around these parts I guess. But it still works, so why fix what ain't broke?"

I shook my head and made a disgusted face. "Ugh, boys. Go! Go shower before the others come and take all the hot water." I shooed him out so I could finish getting ready in peace.

*

Dinner was as good as it was promised. Spicy thick curries, dhal and tandoori chicken that melted off the bone. We all ate too much and had to sit, stupefied, sipping our wine for almost an hour afterwards. Only when the waiters started to give us unsubtle hints did we finally make our way out to the pubs.

We were sitting at Filthy's after a few rounds when Liam started to look worried.

"Jeezus, Sam, easy. That's your fifth vodka and we're only into our second hour here. You'll pass out and I'll have to carry you home," he joked, but I could see the concern in his eyes.

"Don't worry 'boutit Liaaamm." I grinned as I raised my glass to him "I've gottit under control."

Aysha laughed and joined in, "Yeah, don't worry Liam, we take care of Sam. Besides she can take it, had lots of practice in the last couple of weeks. She only starts going beet red after a few hours now!" She winked at him and he blushed, leaning back in his seat.

"No really, Liam, I've been having the best time up here. These girls know how to keep a...girl," I giggled, "entertained!"

"Here, here!" Maia raised her glass and we all toasted each other.

Liam watched me carefully over the rim of his lager, but didn't say any more. Someone ordered a round of shots and then another. After the fourth round of tequilas he was no longer capable of comprehensible speech.

Aysha dragged us all to the dance floor laughing and stumbling. The music was awful, but it didn't seem to worry anyone. We all jumped around making fools of ourselves to bad 80s pop, miming and pretending to be Madonna, Billy Idol or Cindy.

Through my haze I saw Aysha move closer to Liam, his face flushed, but happy as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He held her by the waist as they started to move together to the music, laughing at something he said in her ear. My dancing slowed as I frowned at the sight. _What's going on?_ I forced myself to start move again, trying to keep in time with the beat and plastering a smile on my face, but I couldn't help feeling like something wasn't quite right. _Why do you care, Sam? Your two best friends, why not?_ I caught Liam's eyes and forced myself to grin, nodding to the music in what I hoped was the right rhythm. His smile wavered as he watched me. Aysha looked up and saw his expression. I turned away quickly and grinned at Maia, moving further away from the couple.

I tried to ignore them, concentrating on looking anywhere but where they danced. A minute later I felt someone's arm around me and looked up to see Aysha smiling down at me. She winked and shook her head. Liam joined the circle. I was still confused by my reaction, but tried hard to not let it show.

The first bars of "Thriller" started and Aysha went wild. She jumped up and down clapping and broke the tension. We all laughed and started to dance crazily to Michael's greatest hit.

The music changed to R&B and we all had fun trying to out dance each other. We'd take turns in the little circle we made on the dance floor, laughing and clapping in appreciation as each person did his or her thing. Then I heard a familiar song come on and slowed down.

" _Oooh, ain't nobody do it like you...said every little thing you do..."_

"Um, I'm just going to the bathroom." I yelled out to the group before hurrying to the loos. Aysha followed me in.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just need a break. So hot in there." I turned the tap on and let the water run over my wrists.

"Bad song, huh?" She leant against the sink and watched me.

"Yep, Officially missing him." I tried to laugh it off, but ended with a sniff.

She put her hand on my arm. "Who?"

"The love of my life, Maxwell Edmonton...but then he dumped me." I snorted. I was having a hard time focusing on my face in the mirror.

"Ouch. Is he the reason why you're here?"

"Yeah, mostly. I came over to be with him, but as you can see, it didn't really turn out." Sniffing, I spread my arms out and looked up to try and avoid crying. I was lost in memories for a couple of seconds before remembering where I was. "But I really don't want to talk about this in the loos, if that's okay?"

"No problemo. If you do need to talk about it, I'm here. Well not here, obviously," she laughed then continued, "I've got to use the bathroom anyway." She walked towards a stall that just freed up. "Wait here?"

"Um, I'm just going to get a drink actually? Wait for you at the bar. Do you want anything?" Truth of it was I had a sudden urge to text him. I knew it was stupid, but couldn't help myself and I had to get away from Aysha to do it.

She shook her head as she closed the door behind her.

I walked away, pulling my phone out and started to write a text to Max.

I miss you...

I got to the bar and waited behind a row of people to order. I looked down at my screen and quickly deleted the three words on the text before trying again. _Don't be so soppy!_

"What'll you have?" the bar man yelled out at me. I asked for a water before going back to concentrate on the text.

Heya. Just heard our song and it remin

"Whatcha doing?"

I heard Aysha's voice and looked up at her peering at the phone suspiciously.

"Writing a text."

"Uh huh. To who?"

_Oh bugger._ "Um. A friend."

"Sammi. You're not doing something you're going to regret in the morning, right?" She put her hands on her hips and crooked her neck.

"I..." I gave up. "Maybe."

"Put it away, Sam." Aysha gently guided my hand to put the phone back into my pocket. The message would just have to join the other dozen drafts I'd written to Max and never managed to send. "Friends don't let friends drunk text." She winked. "Now come on, let's get back to the dance floor before they send out a search party."

We joined Liam and Maia who were both jumping up and down to a classic hip hop song, screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs.

The rest of the night passed in a blur.

That morning Liam crashed briefly on my floor on a makeshift bed of spare pillows before we both moaned our way through a coffee. I took him to the train station to catch the 9:05 back to London then passed out in the cab on the way back home. I came back to my room and was just crawling under the covers again when Aysha wandered in and collapsed on the end of my bed.

"Ugh," was all she said.

I started to fall asleep until I heard her start again.

"I like Liam. He's hot in that indie slash geek slash GQ way. Hard to achieve, but he does it." For some reason her words made me feel a bit uneasy.

"Mmph."

"So why haven't you two ever...?"

"Ever what?"

"You know?"

"I don't know. Actually I do, he's my best friend...would be ...weird. Urgh. Anyway. Can't think. Head hurts."

"Yeah, mine too. Maybe he's just too nice. Know what I mean?"

"Ughmph."

"For some reason I can't feel fully attracted to a man unless I'm sure he's an emotional retard of some sort." She paused. "We women are self destructive, bastard magnets."

I marvelled at her ability to tackle big words when my head felt like it was full of liquid goo. I sighed heavily in agreement. "Yes, we are."

She was quiet for a while. "That bad?"

"Worse." I Mumbled.

"Tell," she asked quietly.

I stayed silent for a while before I opened my mouth and then I found I couldn't stop. I told her everything, every last detail up until the day I started at The Old Arms.

"Jeezus, no wonder you're such a mess." She exhaled slowly before crawling over to me and hugging me through my doona. "Do you think there's someone else?"

My heart stopped. "I don't know. It honestly didn't occur to me."

"Well, I wouldn't put it past a man, but who knows. I just think it was a bit of a lame excuse. If he has time to party, he has time to see you."

"Yep." My mind was still racing, wondering if he was seeing someone else. It hurt to even think about it. "But I guess being an intern is pretty intense, every movie and TV show I've ever seen has them working 24 hours and more."

She sniffed in disdain. "Yeah, and they also have partners, wives and or kids in those shows, Sam."

"Fair point. I don't know, Aysh. Sometimes I feel like I've lost myself in all of this." I fell silent as I contemplated the truth of it, wondering how I could have let myself fall so far away from everything. I fiddled with my bracelet as my mind wandered.

"Is that from him?"

"Yeah. I'm so stuck I can't even take it off."

"You will."

I sighed and dropped my hands. "Anyway, I'm so wrecked." I grabbed my pillow and scrunched into it, a huge yawn escaping me. "Can we talk about this later? I'm passing out."

"Sure. To tell you the truth my head is banging away like a kid loose on a drumkit. I'm soooo knackered!" She hugged me again before bounding out the door. "Night!"

"Night." I mumbled. My body ached for sleep, but it wasn't that easy. Aysha's words about the possibility of there being another woman played over and over in my mind. It tore at me that he could deceive me this way, but then I thought it wouldn't be worse than not telling me he didn't want me until I came over here. A tear squeezed out of my eye and I winced. _Not again._ When would I stop crying over this man? I was so tired of it all, I just wanted it to be over. Eventually the tears dried and I was left exhausted. My pillow soaked, I sighed and finally fell asleep.

*

Having Aysha there was a godsend. I confided in her all of my feelings and she was a steady rock, alternately pointing out logical explanations for everything or being a soft shoulder to cry on. The weather was starting to improve so we could take long walks in town or in the country, trailing endless chatter.

"You don't call your Mum or Dad very often do you?" she asked as we wandered around the cobblestone streets one afternoon.

"No, not really. I just don't feel the need to. Does that sound strange?"

"I don't know, maybe? I call mine every weekend, but that's not necessarily normal either. And you're okay with not speaking that often."

"Yep. It's hard to explain, but I think through the years of moving around, it got easier not seeing or speaking to them regularly. I was always away from one or the other for months at a time and we just developed a pattern. When I was in Oz with my Mum, I'd sometimes not see Dad for a year. Got used to it. Then I'd stay with Dad for the holidays and wouldn't call or get any calls from Mum other than the first day to check I arrived safely." I shrugged as we sat down on a low brick wall overlooking a small river. "International family, I guess. I don't usually miss people really. Even close friends. Once I'm away from them I don't feel an urgent need to keep in touch. I think that's why it was so much harder when I got back from here, after I left...Max. I'd never missed anyone like that," I trailed off and stared in silence at the water flowing past.

"I remember waking up in the mornings and hardly being able to breathe. Because I knew he wasn't there, that it would be impossible for me to see him that day or any day soon. He was miles away." Aysha turned to look at me as I continued, but I kept my eyes straight ahead. "Funny, you read all this guff in romance novels about missing someone until it hurts and laugh it off, but it's true - it was a physical ache." I hugged myself as I remembered the pain of those months in Australia.

Aysha stayed quiet and turned to look out over the weeping willows and the small punts moored across the river. "I know the feeling."

I looked up at her quiet words. "You do? Who?"

She took a deep breath. "Marc. Paris, last year. It was all a big mistake, I know it now, but in a sick way I guess it was worth it. The most amazing man I've ever met. He was the brother of one of the people I worked for. Totally gorgeous, charming, in his late thirties. French." She sniffed ruefully then fell back into silence.

"What happened?"

"We started to hang out a lot, you know, going to dinner, museums, walks through the park. He took me to the Louvre, kissed me under the Eiffel Tower, blah blah blah. Then before I knew it we were spending every night together. I tell you, those French guys know exactly what they're doing. They know exactly what to say to a girl until she's spinning and doesn't know which way is up." She sighed and looked up into the branches of the trees we sat under. "Sometimes he'd come over and hang out with me and the kids until I put them to bed. We had to keep it on the down low, you know from the family. It was kind of fun in the beginning, but that got tired really quickly." She was silent for a moment, smiling to herself. "He was amazing. So romantic, flattering. It was the first time I'd been with a real man, not a boy. I guess I was off in la-la land."

"So how was it a mistake?"

"I found out he was engaged."

"What!?" It came out as a squeak and I was grateful we were alone. "He was engaged?"

"Yep, had been the whole time. Some stunning Parisian heiress." She shrugged.

"And the family never mentioned it? How did you find out?"

"No, they didn't know about us remember? And I guess they didn't see any reason to mention it. He brought her over for dinner one night after about two months of us...sleeping together."

I let out a sharp breath. "You can't be serious?"

"Yep. He didn't even have the decency to look...embarrassed or sheepish. I put the kids to bed early and cried all night in my room. He tried calling and texting me, told me he still wanted me. Even asked if we could still see each other! Can you believe it?"

I shook my head in disgust.

"But I didn't want anything to do with him. One of the reasons I ended up leaving."

"Oh God, Aysh, that's awful." I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed. "Do you still hear from him now?"

She shook her head. "No, the last time was about three months ago. But you know what's sick? I still check my emails, hoping to see his name there. Even though I know I wouldn't do anything about it other than fall off my chair, if for some reason, he did make contact. But, just to know he's there...somehow. Doesn't really make any sense."

"No, it doesn't, but I do the exact same thing. I can't leave my phone alone. I look at it every morning, hoping, wishing. He never does though. Email, or call, or text."

"What is that about? Some kind of self-inflicted torture."

"Maybe, but I can't seem to help it though. I'm glad to know it's not just me." I nudged her gently. She shook her head and sniffed.

"So, did it take you very long to get over Marc?"

"Who says I'm over him?" She let out a heavy sigh.

"It's hard, isn't it? I know that's an understatement, but I just wish it was easier to switch it all off and move on." I groaned and threw my head back in frustration. "Why do we get so stuck on the ones that are the worst for us?"

"Who knows? I still wonder about him now, whether he married her, is having kids, perfect house. Whatever." She exhaled sharply, and then let her shoulders drop. "I just wish I could get over it. Men!"

"Yup. No one deserves to be treated like that, Aysh, especially not a gorgeous girl like you."

A corner of her mouth pulled up in a small smile. "Thanks, Sam, same goes for you, you know."

"Hah, yeah... They should all be hung and quartered, the bastards." She laughed and nodded in agreement. "And we will get over it. It's just taking a lot more time than it should. I guess we both have stubborn hearts." We leant into each other and shared a moment of silence.

"Don't mention it to Maia, 'kay? You're the only one I've told."

"Of course. And thanks for trusting me." She nudged me gently and smiled. I put my arm through hers. "Anyway...what about your Mum and Dad. Are they really as wonderful as they sound?"

Her face lit up at the mention of her parents and she happily told me more about her family B&B, growing up in New Zealand and her aspiration to one day go home and open her own small hotel. She spoke with such passion as I listened, fascinated by the wild and beautiful landscapes she painted.

"Wow, Aysha, it all sounds stunning. Definitely coming to visit when you've got your hotel. Maybe by then I'll find a real Prince Charming and we'll come in our private jet."

She laughed. "Sure, I'll make sure to have a landing strip ready just outside the B&B for you guys."

"Don't forget the red carpet." We laughed and got up to continue our walk towards town.

We spent hours wandering through the high street and found a common love for earrings, books and thrift shops. Not having that much money between us it was more of a window shopping spree, but we still had a great time trying on outfits that were either too expensive to consider buying or just beyond ridiculous. I hadn't laughed that hard for a while and found myself really enjoying the day out.

I was wandering through the aisles at a second hand book store, drifting through the fantasy section when I heard Aysha pipe up behind me.

"Eddings! I love him." She took the book out of my hand.

"Really? He's my all time favourite. Has been since high school."

"No way, mine too. I haven't read him in a while though."

"Yeah, me too. Polgara is my hero."

"She's pretty amazing. I love the way she has total control over all the men in her lives. All that power! Don't you wish you could just...?" She grasped for the words as her fingers wiggled.

"I know! Sometimes I wish I could do magic. The Will and the Word!" My voice rose a bit too much and we were shushed by the prim shopkeeper. "Oh my God, we're such nerds." We snorted and made an effort to keep our voices down. "Anyway, I'm going to read the Belgariad again." I pointed at the book.

She handed it back to me. "Excellent. Can I read it after you?"

"Definitely. It shouldn't take me that long. I just hope they have the whole series here."

"If not, we can always try Borders."

The rest of the afternoon was spent in a café sipping tepid tea and quietly reading our purchases.

*

Time flew by.

There were weekend trips with the girls to Edinburgh, Venice and Amsterdam. Travelling was easy with online booking, cheap flights and even cheaper accommodation. Sometimes we were lucky enough to find free flights, only having to pay the taxes and fuel surcharge.

As a rule I avoided going out in London, only venturing there to watch a show with the girls and Liam, or at the most enjoy a quick pub lunch. We were always careful that we were nowhere near Max's hospital or flat, and more often than not, Liam would come up to spend the weekend with us in Cambridge.

*

"Happy Birthday!" I sang out, dropping a brightly wrapped parcel onto Liam's lap.

I was the last to give him a present as we enjoyed a rare sunny spring afternoon in the pub courtyard. Leftovers from the birthday lunch were scattered on the table as Aysha and Maia sipped slowly on their lagers.

"What's this?" he asked.

I watched happily as he ripped the paper apart. "Just a little something."

"No way!" He laughed as he pulled out the dark green travel towel I'd bought him. "Does this mean I'll have to finally retire the other one?"

I nodded vigorously. "Definitely!"

He stood up and pulled me into a bear hug.

"Do you like it?" I laughed as he lifted me in the air.

"I love it. Thanks, Sam. And thanks again for a great lunch. Wish you guys weren't working tonight."

"Me too! But we'll just have to make it up on another night eh?" Maia winked at him from across the table.

"You better!" Liam tucked his loot into his backpack before picking up his drink again.

"So, how _are_ things with Sarah?" Aysh asked.

"Things are...good. I guess." Liam squirmed. He and Sarah had started seeing each other for the past couple of months. He'd only come up for the day as he had made plans to go out for dinner and a concert with her and a few of his work buddies later that evening.

I peered over at him and teased, "Ah, the honeymoon period. How come she never comes up here with you?"

"I don't know. I asked her, but she says she's not into the country. Big city girl, I guess." He shrugged it off.

Anti-social girl more like.

I winced at my bitchy thought. _Be nice, Sam_. I never could get along with Sarah after that grocery-shopping debacle. She always made me feel a bit uncomfortable, like I was invading her and Liam's space. I hadn't spoken to her much since I moved up here, she always seemed to be out when I came to London and the few times we ran into each other she was an ice queen. I didn't feel the need to try beyond being civil for Liam's sake.

"Anyway, speaking of the country. What are you girls up to next weekend?"

"Don't know. No plans as yet." It was Aysha that answered for us.

"Good. I'm going to visit the family in Pomaia..."

"Again?"

"Yes, again, Aysh. I have to go out there at least every few months, otherwise I'd never hear the end of it from Nona. Anyway, I found these free tickets on easyJet and snapped 'em up. You girls should come. It's beautiful out there. And Auntie Rosa's been asking for you to come for ages, Sam."

His eyes were on me, but it was Maia who piped up first.

"I, for one, would love to, Liam, but I've got to stay here that weekend. Suze and David are going up north and I've got to hold the fort down." Her voice was full of regret.

"How about you girls?" Liam turned to look at both of us.

"Definitely. So long as we can find those free tickets, my savings situation is looking pretty grim. How about you, Aysh?"

"Tuscany? Are you serious, you don't have to ask me twice."

"Done then. Even if the free tickets are out, they're still pretty cheap now. Off season." He picked up his beer. "To Tuscany!"

"Tuscany!"

****

### Tuscany

We flew out on the Friday morning from Luton, arriving in Pisa early enough to pick up our cheap rental car and start the drive south to Pomaia. We managed to nab a car with a sunroof and as we headed into the countryside I stood up, lifting my arms out into the crisp, fresh air whooshing past. Liam laughed, but held on to my leg as I whooped at the incredible vistas rushing towards me.

The increasingly smaller road was now bordered by wild flowers and scraggly trees while all around us green, rolling hills hid crumbling castles and ancient wine groves. The sky was an incredible open blue with small puffs of ice cream-white clouds making their lazy way across the horizon.

"This is so much better than being in mucky old England." I grinned as I thumped back into my seat. "Thank you so much for having us with you, Liam."

"You're very welcome. And you're going to love the house, full of people all the time. Cooking, playing and mostly arguing." He laughed as we wound our way through the hills.

"Yeah, be warned, Aysh, there are more cousins, aunts and uncles than you'll ever believe. Family dinners at the Bennets are wild enough, can't imagine what it's going to be like here."

"I think I can handle it. Our family's the same. I can't remember the names of half my cousins."

We drove in silence for a while until Aysha leant forward between us in the front seat and spoke again. "So Sarah said no again?"

"Yup, had a deadline with her project. Couldn't get away." He didn't offer any more of an explanation.

Aysha glanced at me and raised her eyebrows before settling back into her seat.

We drove for another half an hour before turning into a dry gravel driveway lined with gnarled ancient olive trees. Just ahead we could see the sprawling family farmhouse, which sat on a small hill overlooking the estate. The house was solidly built using a yellowish grey stone and had terracotta coloured roof tiles. Two huge cypress trees grew on either side of the front door and potted sunflowers lined the path from the drive.

We rolled to a stop in front of a big gathering of people all waving excitedly and calling out for more family members to come and greet us. Liam was pulled out of the car and instantly surrounded by crying and hugging aunties, greeting him like a long-lost relative, even though he'd visited the month before.

Aysha and I stood back awkwardly, a big smile plastered on our faces.

"And here is Sammi!" Auntie Rosa came towards me, her arms wide and welcoming. Her honey blond hair was pulled back into a severe bun in contrast to the soft floral summer dress she wore. She enveloped me in an iron hug before pulling me back and kissing my cheeks. " _La_ _mia bella! Como stai_?"

I laughed. "I'm good, Auntie Rosa, how are you?"

"Ah, _bene bene_! Sorry, this...this..." She pulled at her flour-dusted apron and searched for the right word.

"Apron," I finished for her.

"Si, apron. It is dirty. I'm cooking. But I hear the car and I run out to see you. Ah, it's been too long." She beamed as she stood back to inspect me. "And this? This is your friend?" She put her arm through mine and turned to Aysha.

"Si. This is Aysha, Auntie. We work together in Cambridge."

"Welcome, welcome Aeesha." Her accented English twisted with Aysha's name, but was a delight to hear. She let go of me to kiss Aysha on both cheeks, then turned and addressed the hordes of relatives. " _Basta, basta_. Leave the poor boy! This is Sammi and Aysha. Aysha is a good friend of Sammi and Liam from England. Welcome to our home, _i miei cari_."

The mob turned and all smiled warmly, sweeping us through the door and into the home amongst hellos and quick kisses.

Liam was in his element, teasing, joking and arguing in fluent Italian. He was always surrounded by family. Whether playing soccer with his nephews, picking fresh ingredients in the vegetable garden, or even when he was fixing an auntie's computer. They all argued, laughed and joked loudly, and the love was obvious. The family spoiled us, feeding us non-stop with delicious Tuscan meals and wine until we couldn't move.

That evening, Aysha and I were sitting out on the balcony enjoying a moment of quiet with cups of tea when we heard the door open behind us.

" _Buonanotte_ , we are going home now." A cousin and his wife passed by with a wave towards the darkened garden.

" _Buonanotte_!" Aysha and I chorused, then sat back as the young couple walked away hand in hand.

I watched them quietly with a twinge of envy. They looked so happy and content, chatting lightly and holding on to each other. I always imagined going on holidays to somewhere like this with Max. We'd stay in a quaint little villa, go for long walks and have simple meals in the local cafes.

"You ok, Sam?"

I exhaled slowly and tried to smile. "Yeah, I'm fine, Aysh. They look really happy."

"They do. Some people are just lucky I guess. One day we'll have that, Sam." We both looked on as the couple disappeared into the inky country night.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Keep the faith."

"I'm trying. I guess the only way to look at it is that this is all happening for a reason. Maybe our Mr Rights are just waiting for us around the corner? We just don't know it yet." My voice sounded more convinced than I felt.

"Hey girls. Mind if I join you?" Liam came out holding his cup of tea in both hands to ward off the slight chill in the air.

"Of course you may. Come here." I slid over on the couch we were sitting on to make room for him.

"What are we talking about?" he asked as we adjusted the rug to cover all our knees.

"Love, fate, the stars." Aysha laughed lightly.

"Light stuff then."

"You're right, we should be talking about how cute your cousin is."

"Which one, Aysh, I counted at least 10 tonight?" I teased.

"Hmm, choices, choices. Let me think about it and get back to you."

Liam and I rolled our eyes at each other and sniggered.

"Aysha, Aysha. I hope you never change," Liam said.

We went back to a comfortable silence, watching the bright stars in the clear sky. I exhaled and sunk lower into the comfy throw pillows, glad to have my two dearest friends with me to enjoy this.

*

In the morning we were taken on a long horse ride out into the countryside, with Liam and a cousin leading the way.

"Alessandro is gorgeous." Aysha was riding next to me and staring dreamily at the two ahead.

"Ahh. It's Alessandro then." I shook my head.

"What? He is."

"Uh hunh. Just be careful. Nothing wrong with a little holiday fling, but this is family." We watched as Alessandro gave Liam a playful punch, both bursting out laughing at a private joke. They turned and smiled at us, Liam winking at me and grinning.

"Wonder what that was about?"

"Who knows, but Alessandro has a nice smile," she sighed.

I rolled my eyes and couldn't help but laugh. Aysha would never change.

After the ride the group all came back to the farmhouse for lunch before retiring to their rooms for a siesta. The house was quiet as I wandered through, looking at family snapshots and heirlooms. I walked into the kitchen to find Liam elbow deep in flour, kneading dough on the counter.

"What's all this then?" I sat on the bar chair opposite him.

"Gnocchi ala Liam." He smiled and kept working away. He rolled the dough into a long tube and started to cut small pieces off.

"Yum! You haven't made that in ages!" I reached over to pat one of the little dough balls and was rewarded with a slap. He tutted. I retracted my hand quickly and played with a napkin instead. "They're all wonderful, you must love coming here."

"Mmm. It's madness, but it's good to be surrounded by family. Mum and Nona ask for a full report every time I come out, like calling them every week isn't enough to get the family gossip." He chuckled as he started on the next tube.

"They don't all live in Pomaia, do they?"

"No, but pretty much in the area. This side of the family doesn't travel much, well except for Mum and Nona of course. Who by the way say hi, I just got off the phone with them earlier. "

I smiled at the thought of the two Italian matriarchs listening in to Liam's full report.

"Next time give them my love. I miss going over to yours and having your Mum and Nona cook up some amazing dish. You're one lucky boy to have all that gorgeous food growing up. It's a wonder you weren't enormous back then!"

"Good metabolism, plus soccer, remember?"

"Ahh yes, I remember. If it wasn't for the bunch of cute, well built boys running around and randomly taking their shirts off, I think I would have died of boredom all those times you dragged me to a game." I laughed as he swatted me with the tea towel.

"So you thought we were cute, huh?" He paused, his eyes looking straight into me. The corners of his mouth twitched.

" _Some_ of you," I answered archly.

He snorted and chuckled.

"What?"

"Nothing!" He grinned mischievously then swiped at his forehead with his arm, leaving a trail of flour behind.

I looked around until I found a tissue box and gestured him over. "Come here."

"What?"

"Just come here, you've got flour on you." He leaned over, keeping his eyes on me as I concentrated on cleaning him up. I finished the job and sat back in my seat. "All gone."

"Thanks." His eyes searched mine.

"Anyway...how are things going with Sarah?" I asked in the silence that followed.

He picked up his knife again. "Good, I think. I don't know, she's always busy. I'm busy too. Sometimes I wonder if we're just together 'cos it's convenient, you know ..." The words trailed off as he focused on chopping herbs. The smells wafting towards me were mouth-watering, but I concentrated on the conversation.

"Convenient?"

"Yeah, living and working together. I don't know, hard to explain."

"Well, it explains why she's not my biggest fan."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I guess she's not always so pleased to see me. Especially when I was blubbering into your shoulder. She was getting the wrong idea about us."

He watched me quietly before answering. "Maybe. I was pretty blind to it until a few weeks ago. I'm not even sure when it started, but before I knew it we were suddenly a couple."

"But, you do care about her, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you...love her?" I asked quietly.

He looked up at me in silence for a couple of beats. He was about to answer when we heard someone coming in through the door.

Aysha rushed up to us grinning from ear to ear. "Hey guys! I'm going for a walk with Alessandro!" She giggled girlishly as she bounced up and down in front of me. "He just asked me and...wait, what are you doing?" She paused when she noticed Liam prepping the sauce.

"Making dinner. Why do you look so surprised?"

"Um, I just couldn't imagine you cooking."

Liam snorted, but kept working.

I laughed. "Like he could avoid it, he's the only heir to the Lucia restaurant empire."

"Serious? Of course, that makes sense. That's your Mum's name right?" She didn't give Liam time to answer before continuing, "Wow, your family owns Lucia's?" Aysha sat down and stared wide eyed at him.

"You know it?" He stopped his chopping and looked up curiously.

"Are you serious? It's only the best Italian restaurant in all of Queensland. I stayed on the Sunshine Coast with some cousins for a couple of holidays and they were always going on and on about it. Don't you guys have hundreds of them around the country now?"

He laughed and picked up his knife again. "Not quite, at last count there were only five."

Aysha whistled. " _Only_ five. Anyway, nice to see a man in the kitchen. "

Liam hummed and nodded in response, busy with his pasta sauce.

Aysha turned to me. "So. I'm going out for while, ''kay?" She hugged me quickly and ran out.

"Luck!" I called out to her as she disappeared out the door.

"Alessandro." Liam chuckled. "She better watch out, that cousin of mine is a lady killer."

"I think she's got it under control. _He_ better watch out." I watched him quietly working away on the meal, marvelling at the skill and ease with which he moved around the ancient kitchen. It was so homey and peaceful and I loved that we didn't have to chat incessantly. He looked up and caught my eye.

"What?"

"Nothing." I smiled. "I like seeing you here, so at home."

He winked and returned my smile before going back to work on the rest of lunch.

*

"So, how was the walk?"

Aysha had come back into our room towards dusk as I was coming out of the shower.

"Nice."

"Just nice?"

"Yep. Hey, you done in the shower?"

"Aysh."

"What?" She chuckled. "Okay, okay. It was _really_ nice. He took me up to one of those ruins we saw on the ride. We watched the sunset together...," she drifted off happily.

"And?"

"And, then he held my hand on the way back. Kissed me goodnight...on my cheek!" she interrupted my question before continuing, "and we'll see him tonight at the party." She rushed the last bit before falling backwards on the bed.

I laughed. "Well, I guess Liam was right."

"About what?"

"His cousin being a ladies man." I put my hands up in defence as she sat up quickly. "I'm sure he's a sweetie, but just be careful, okay?"

"Oh that. God, that's so obvious, Sam. Don't worry about me, I'm just having a bit of fun. At least that much we have in common." She jumped from the bed and headed for the bathroom. "You're done, right?"

I nodded as I dried my hair with a towel. "Yep, all yours. Dinner's at 7 then we head to the party around 9." I grabbed a bra from my pack and then threw down two floral dresses on the bed.

"Who's place is it at again?" I heard her partly muffled voice coming from behind the wall.

"Rosa's son's place, I think he owns a winery or something. Argh, I can't figure out which one I want to wear!"

She put her head around the corner. "What?"

"Short or long?" I pointed at the dresses on the bed.

"What no jeans?"

I folded my arms and stared at her.

"Hey, I totally approve! Definitely the short." She disappeared behind the wall again and I heard the shower start.

_But I'll freeze!_ I chewed my nail as I tried to decide.

"Wear a cardi! You won't freeze!"

I chuckled. "You know me too well," I muttered to myself.

After an exquisite gnocchi dinner we all pitched in to help wash up before heading out to walk to Rosa's eldest son's estate. We ambled down the darkened path chatting and teasing happily, the mixture of English and Italian making for some hilarious conversations.

The party was held in a huge garden bordered by an ancient olive grove. Tiny fairy lights had been strung through the trees and a wooden dance floor sat squarely in the middle.

"The band's playing already, c'mon everyone!" Liam led the way into the party and was immediately surrounded by family and friends greeting him with hugs and loud kisses. Aysha was instantly swept away by Alessandro promising to show her 'something'. I laughed and followed Liam into the crowd.

"I'm never going to remember anyone's names!" I said under my breath as I met yet another cousin.

"Don't worry about it, just smile and nod," Liam whispered back with a big grin.

"Liam! There you are, cuz!"

A handsome dark haired man had grabbed him in a bear hug, thumping his back soundly. "Welcome to my party, boy. You remember Ipolita, and this is the latest addition, Luca." He stepped back to put his arm around a beautiful raven haired woman holding a baby boy.

"Long time no see, Stefano, Ipolita. And hello Luca, nice to meet you, my man." His voice softened when he held the little boy's hand. "Hey, this is Sammi." He spoke without letting go of Luca's hand. The baby started to gurgle and play with his fingers.

"Ah, yes. I've heard all about you. I think Rosa would like to adopt you if her alternate plans don't work out! Nice to finally put a face to the name." Stefano grabbed my shoulders and kissed me soundly on the cheek.

"Alternate plans?"

"When did you guys get back?" Liam interrupted quickly before Stefano could answer.

I looked over at them, completely puzzled. Liam ignored me and stared straight at his cousin. I could see a small blush creeping up his neck.

Stefano laughed then shook his head quickly before answering, "Just two days ago. Couldn't leave the fort for too long. Reunions, man, what a bore. And the food in good ol' Britain is just as bad as I remember."

"Stefano studied in Bristol," Liam explained.

"Liam! Sammi!" We heard Rosa's voice booming across the party. I looked around and saw her waving enthusiastically from the dance floor.

"I guess we've been summoned. Talk to you in a bit, Stef." Liam started to back away and held out his hand to me. "C'mon, Sam."

"Bye, nice to meet you." I smiled at the little family as Liam led me away. Stefano waved us off with a wink.

"What was all that about?"

"Hmm?"

"You know, the plans?"

"Nothing. Stef's just a bit of a clown."

"But..."

"There you are! Come, come, dance with us." Rosa held her arm out for me and pulled me towards a group of women of varying age.

"She looks almost a hundred!" I whispered to Liam as I watched a fragile woman dressed in all black shuffle back and forth.

"I think she is. Scares the bejeezus out of me. Great, great, great grandma from who knows which side." He laughed and joined the group.

*

I heard the door open and a muffled thump as someone walked into the standing cupboard.

"Shhhheeeeeett."

"Aysh?"

"Ya, sorrysorrysorry. Go back to sleep."

"What time is it?"

"Around 6:30 I think."

I yawned and looked over to the thick curtains. Not a hint of sunshine was getting through those. "Had a good time then?"

"Yesss." She collapsed on her bed and I heard her sigh. "He's gorgeous, so lovely. And definitely knows what he's doing."

I giggled. "Lucky you."

"Yeah, bummer we're leaving tomorrow."

"I know, I love it here."

"Haha, I'm sure you do. God do they love you here, Sam. Especially Auntie Rosa. I think she's having fantasies of you guys getting married and having hundreds of babies for her to spoil," she chortled.

"Yeah right! She knows we're just good friends."

"Sure, try telling her that."

"What do you mean?" I pushed myself up on my elbow to face her bed.

There was a long silence before she exhaled sharply. "Ugghh. Never mind, I'm way too tired for this and it's way too early to gossip. I'm jumping in the shower and having a nap before breakfast 'kay."

I heard her get up and move towards the bathroom. She closed the door behind her before switching the light on. It threw a sliver of yellow on the floor in the darkened room.

I lay back on the bed and wondered what she meant. And if it had anything to do with what Stefano was joking about last night. But before I could analyse it all too deeply my eyes started to close and I dropped back to sleep.

*

The next day and a half was spent alternatively walking through the countryside, cooking meals with the family and taking horse rides through the surrounding wineries. Not surprisingly Aysha fell in lust with cousin Alessandro and they had a quick and torrid romance. Half the time I had no idea where they were so I spent most of the time with Liam or Auntie Rosa.

We left amongst tears, hugs and promises to return. The drive back to Pisa was mostly quiet. I hoped Aysha wasn't too upset about leaving Alessandro, but she didn't seem one bit broken hearted, declaring it was just what she needed after all the "pasty British boys".

We settled back into our pub routine and day by day I started to enjoy life out in the country, looking forward to the busy shifts, the weekend trips and of course the wild nights out. I still thought of Max, but slowly it changed from every minute to every hour and finally I could get by the whole day without wincing. My morning and evenings were still a problem, but I was hopeful that soon they would also release me from his memory.

****

### Deja vu

I'm a potato!

My reflection stared back at me from the full-length mirror in horror. Where did all this weight come from? I had spent the last 10 minutes trying to pull on my favourite jeans from Australia and hadn't even managed to get them past my upper thighs. No matter how much I heaved and puffed, the damned things wouldn't budge. In frustration I ripped them off. Then for good measure I pulled my baggy t-shirt off to take a good look at myself in the mirror.

Frightening!

I was in shock at what I was looking at. I exhaled and assessed the damage. I'd lost my cheekbones, but had gained another chin, my tummy rolled to a stop over the elastic of my underwear and that's where it started to get really ugly. I'd never had slim thighs or what the fitness clubs would call a "pert" bottom, but the hideous mound of jelly in the mirror was unrecognisable. How did I balloon three sizes without knowing it? _It's only been 3 months!_ I frantically looked through all my new clothes and realised that I had been blind to the fact that I'd graduated from the small I'd been all my life, to a medium, then straight up to a medium/large. In a matter of months. _What have I been doing?_

And then it hit me. _The beer. The chips. The cold._

I threw on my heavy terry robe and ran into Aysha's room. She was lying on her bed reading a book and looked up as I threw myself down next to her.

"Yes?" she drawled.

"I'm hideous!"

"Don't be ridiculous." She went back to her reading.

"I'm serious, Aysh. I can't put on my favourite jeans I've had for years, they won't even get past my thighs. Which, by the way, have ballooned into an unrecognisable mess of jelly. I feel like I've gained a hundred kilos! Or at least 10."

"Heathrow injection."

"What?" I sat up squinting at her in puzzlement.

She put her book down and sighed. "Heathrow injection. Happens to most, if not all, girls who come to live in the UK. Everyone gains at least 10 kilos. It's a rule. I've put on 12."

"But you look great! You must have been a stick before."

"It's the height, and winter clothes. Hides a multitude of sins. Part of the problem really, winter. Can't be bothered exercising 'cos it's so damn cold. And all the drinking, the food. Beer's the worst."

"Ugh, true. I can't stand the stuff, but I still drink it. But how can you be so calm? I hate seeing myself like this."

"I don't know, I just feel like I haven't got much of a hope living in a pub really. Plus, I really can't be bothered." She shrugged.

Well I wasn't going to accept it. I knew I had to do something about it and I wasn't about to let Aysh off the hook that easily.

"Well, I can. And you're doing it with me!"

"Doing what?" she asked suspiciously.

"Getting fit again. Starting today, c'mon." I pulled her up off the bed.

"Are you serious?" She laughed and shook my hand off. "Look I really admire you for trying sweetheart, but to tell you the truth I really couldn't be arsed." She sat back down on the bed. "But you go do your thing." She shooed me away, picking up her book and lifting her feet back up on the bed.

"C'mon, Aysh. It'll be fun!" I tried pleading with her.

"Nope." She shook her head and opened her page.

"Fine! Have it your way."

I turned and huffed out of the room. I heard her chuckle then yell out "Love you!" I stopped in mid huff and laughed at myself. "Love you too," I yelled back before closing the door to my room.

I made a plan of attack, starting with a jog that very afternoon. I'd have to watch my food; less chips, pies, cream sauces and more salads. _And no beer!_ Of course I had to cut down the drinking, the beer especially. I'd always hated the stuff, it was amazing that I'd managed to drink it in such copious amounts in the last few months.

In short, I was determined to be healthy again.

I dug out my running shoes and track pants, which thankfully I'd bought two sizes too big for comfort. I threw on a hoodie and made my way to the walking track out the back of the pub. I loved the crunch of the pebbles under my feet and took a deep clearing breath as I made my way to the gates. Determined to do things properly, I stretched quickly before setting off. Soon I was running past the weeping willows, crisp country air filling my lungs and Paul Oakenfold spurring me on through my iPod headphones.

I lasted 10 minutes.

I wheezed and sputtered to a stop and leant against a gate to catch my breath and try not to throw up. _I thought I was unfit, but this is ridiculous_. I took a deep, long breath and let my chest relax. _It's ok, it's ok, you're not dying._ It didn't seem very likely at this point, but I had to make it back to the pub somehow. At first I took it slow, holding my sides while I tried not to pass out. I saw myself struggling with my jeans that morning and started to jog, I remembered my jelly thighs and ran for it. After what seemed like an eternity I jogged through the pub gates and up into my room. I collapsed on the floor long enough to let my thumping heart slow down and then started on some sit-ups.

Aysh wandered in carrying a cup of tea and watched me struggle from the doorway. She tilted her head to the side and smiled.

"Having fun?"

"I'm dying." I collapsed on the floor. "I can't believe I'm so unfit."

"Hmm. I don't even want to know how far I could run now. You know I used to do cross country in high school. Regionals every year."

"Serious?" I pushed myself up on my elbow. "You should do this with me then, give me some pointers. Because, Aysh, I seriously thought I was going to die out there."

She laughed. "I'll think about it." She watched me struggle through a couple of push-ups before I turned to do more sit-ups. "'Kay, as entertaining as this is, I'm going to get my stuff ready for tonight so we can catch the last bus right after shift." She turned to go back out to her room.

"Um, I think I'll pass tonight."

"Are you serious?" She turned back in amazement.

"Yep. I just need a bit of a break you know, I'm pretty sure the beers have been helping with this." I slapped my thighs.

"If you're sure?"

"I'm sure. You guys go, have fun. I think I'm going get into that new Eddings I bought last week."

She shrugged. "'Kay. Enjoy your night off girly." She sauntered back to her room.

I collapsed again and blew out my breath. That was enough torture for the day. I grabbed my things and had a quick shower before jumping into bed with my journal. I was still writing when Aysha appeared in the doorway later that evening.

"We're outta here. You sure?" She was putting in her earrings, her coat draped across one arm. Maia popped her head around the corner and pulled her lower lip down.

I chuckled. "Yes, have a great time! Drive the boys wild for me. Mwah!" I blew them an air kiss.

"Okay, okay. Mwah! Night!"

They both ran out and I was left in peace again. I finished the sentence I was writing and put my pen down. Grabbing my new book from the side table I snuggled down into bed and started on my first chapter. That night I fell asleep without a single tear.

*

I took my regime seriously, making sure I jogged at least once a day and even started some home yoga with the help of a book I found in town. Occasionally Aysha would join me if I bugged her enough, but, more often than not, I was flying solo on my fitness quest. I cut down on all the fatty foods and only went out with the girls on the weekends. The emptiness was still haunting me, so I couldn't give up the drinks entirely, but I limited myself to vodka and tonic, which I'd read in Cosmo was the lesser of all evils in the fat department. It took a lot of work and time, but gradually the weight started to shift, the jogs became less painful and I could happily pass on the steaming bowls of chips that the chefs always laid out next to the kitchen doors for all the waitresses.

One morning in May I woke up after another marathon evening with Eddings and lay expecting the usual pain and emptiness to hit me. I waited, staring at the light streaming through my small window, ready to wince and roll into a ball. But there was only a smallish twinge and tightening in my chest. I exhaled slowly. _Definitely manageable._ I allowed a small smile and whispered, "Thank you."

I skipped down to our small courtyard where Aysha and Maia were lying in the weak sun wearing light jumpers and their slippers. Maia had her head resting on the chair back and looked to be dozing.

"Morning," I chirped happily.

Aysha put down her magazine as I sat down on the wooden chair opposite her. She eyed me carefully.

"Morning."

"How was last night?" I stretched and folded my feet on the arm of her chair.

" _Biasa_." Only a slight mispronunciation of the Indonesian word. I'd been trying to teach her the basics.

"That good, huh?"

She rolled her eyes "And how was Eddings?"

" _Bagus sekali_. As usual, he's definitely my all-time favourite ever."

"Ever?" she repeated in an awful valley girl accent.

"Ever!" We both laughed and Maia grunted awake briefly before falling back to sleep.

"Welcome back, Sam." Aysha smiled and went back to her magazine. I couldn't help beaming as we sat in collective silence until it was time to get up and get ready for the morning shift.

*

In late June we decided to go and watch Stomp for Aysha's birthday. Liam couldn't make it as he had a project deadline, so it was just the girls. After the show we all trooped off to a nearby pub to continue the celebrations. It was only when we were walking through the door that I realised we were just around the corner from Max's flat.

_Oh no! Please don't let him be in here._ My heart started to flutter, and I had to wipe the sweat off my palms on my skirt. I couldn't believe that after all this time the mere thought of seeing him again was pushing me into such a state. I thought I was getting over it, I'd gone for weeks now without thinking about him more than a couple of times. I was a nervous wreck, but at the same time some small part of me was wishing that I would run into him. _Sadistic. Get a grip of yourself!_

I didn't want the girls to know that I was such a mess. I couldn't tell them we were within walking distance to his apartment and that this small fact turned my head inside out. I made a huge effort to enjoy our usual antics, putting on my best happy face as we played drinking games, flirted outrageously and took over the dance floor. All the while I kept glancing around the pub worriedly.

Then I saw him.

Max.

Tall, dark and gorgeous, staring at me from across the bar. His green eyes went from shock to intense curiosity as his mouth slowly stretched into a lazy smile. He was sitting with a group of lads, all laughing and drinking, oblivious to the fact that he had stopped and was now staring at me.

_Still beautiful_.

He wore a crisp white shirt with its collar casually unbuttoned. I knew without seeing the rest of him that the shirt would be paired with some brand of designer jeans and incredibly expensive leather Italian shoes.

I turned back to the girls, shaking. I tried to ignore him, a grin plastered on my face as I attempted to follow the conversation with the others.

"Sammi?"

He was right behind me! My heart skipped a beat as I turned quickly to face him. _Oh God!_ I'd almost forgotten how good he smelled, a mixture of citrus, musk and him. It was like coming home. The heat from his closeness dazed me.

"Max! Hiiiii!" _When did my voice get so high?_ "Oh my God! Wow, what are you doing here? Isn't this amazing, to meet up here? How are you?..." _Shut up shut up. You sound like a lunatic!_

He flashed me that amazing smile and his face lit up. His eyes travelled up and down appreciatively, a look of amusement never leaving them.

"I live here, remember?"

I laughed hysterically and nodded.

Aysha looked at me in alarm and prodded me with her elbow as she tried to step between us.

"I like your skirt. Nice change."

"Change?" My voice came out a bit squeaky even as I tried to be nonchalant.

"From the usual jeans. It's nice to see a bit more of you." He smiled and bit his lip softly.

Maia who was now standing behind him was signalling danger by waving her hand in a cutting motion in front of her neck, but I was a deer caught in headlights and ignored them both. I couldn't believe he was right here in front of me. Everything else ceased to matter, including the last five months.

"Oh yeah. Right."

I couldn't come up with anything more intelligent so picked up my drink and sipped from the straw. I watched him watching me.

I was done for.

After another failed attempt at getting my attention Aysha and Maia shrugged in defeat and stepped back in disgust, leaving me to chat with Max. I laughed like a schoolgirl at his jokes and was soon lost in a swirl of flirting and innuendo. We danced, getting closer and closer with each drink and song.

"I'm glad you still have that."

"What?"

Max picked my hand up and touched the bracelet. "This." His skin was warm and sent my heart pounding. "You know, Sammi-"

"-Excuse me for a minute, will you?" Aysha stepped between us and grabbed my arm. She pulled me to the ladies and swung around to face me. "What the hell are you doing?" she bit out, her eyebrows an angry knot.

"What? I'm having fun, Aysh." She grabbed my shoulder savagely. "Ow!"

"Have you completely lost your mind? This is the man who tore you apart not so long ago," she hissed.

"I know, I know all of that, Aysh. But he's being so wonderful. And I still miss him, I can't help it. And-"

"I won't let you do this, Sam, he's-"

"The love of my life!" I cut her off a little too loudly. Somewhere, deep down, I knew I was being an idiot, but that voice was buried under the alcohol and excitement of seeing Max again.

She narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Fine! Have it your way. But I won't stay here and watch this."

"Aysh..." She stopped, her back was to me. "I'm sorry, I just can't...He says he misses me." It came out in a whisper. Her shoulders dropped, but she wouldn't turn around.

"Whatever, Sam. Just be careful," she said quietly before walking out.

I turned and tried to gaze at my reflection. I was swaying softly and couldn't quite focus. _What are you doing?_ I knew it was wrong, but I also knew that there was no way I was going to leave. I exhaled before going out to find Max, Aysha and Maia were long gone.

Max handed me a drink. "Everything ok?" He pulled a strand of hair away from my face.

The gesture was so familiar I couldn't help close my eyes briefly. I looked up and lost myself in his eyes.

"We should go," he whispered. I nodded in agreement and we wound our way unsteadily out of the club. He took my hand and led me down the street toward his apartment. My whole world was now the warm feeling of his fingers wrapped tightly around mine.

I was jangly with nerves and couldn't find any words to fill the electric silence between us. He stopped abruptly and pulled me roughly to him, gripping me by the waist. His kiss was savage and broke through all of my nervousness. I responded fiercely, biting his lip and running my hands roughly over every inch of his chest and back. He finally broke the kiss and breathless we made our way quickly down the street. His apartment was only a couple of blocks away, but it was a miracle we made it through the door before ripping each other's clothes off. His fingers shook as he put the key in the lock and we tumbled through the door, kissing wildly. He kicked it shut behind us.

It was mad, drunken and more than a little uncoordinated. We were a tangle of limbs and discarded clothing, months of my pent-up frustration bubbling to the surface.

Unfortunately, I didn't remember very much of it when I woke up the next morning. I smiled blissfully as I watched him open his eyes slowly.

He looked at me for a moment then softly said, "Sammi..."

"Yes?" I smiled at him.

"You know this doesn't change anything?"

I blinked slowly.

"Sorry?"

He took a deep breath as I looked at him in mild confusion.

"It doesn't change how I feel. I mean about us, I still don't want to be together."

I could feel my heart beat start to accelerate. _Ok, ok, calm down. Maybe there's more? He doesn't want to be together, just some casual fun every now and then. That's not so bad is it?_

"O...Ok, that's...fine. We don't have to get serious." I stuttered.

"This can't happen again."

Oh.

"I just wanted to see what it would be like to _be_ with you again."

"You wanted to see...?" I repeated, my brain working slowly. The blissful haze began to clear, replaced with more and more confusion.

"If I could."

"To see if you could?" I parroted, my voice going up an octave.

"Yes, I mean, no...I mean, well you know, we both had quite a bit to drink and obviously you were up for some fun." I winced as flashes of my drunken dancing came back to me. _Bloody R &B music_. "But I don't think it's a good idea if we do this again. This was just -"

"A mistake!" I cried as I finally got the message. This was clearly just a one-night stand for him, and there I was foolishly thinking it was the start of something beautiful. _Oh my God!_ I scrabbled to get my clothes on. _How humiliating_. That old familiar emptiness was creeping back. _Don't cry, just don't cry in front of him!_

"Sam...This was...fun, but I have to think of my career first..." he tried to reach out for me.

"Don't!" I bit out. "I mean of course, you're right....Fun...just a one night...I mean. Yeah...Whatever," I mumbled quickly as I went around the room gathering my things. "Gotta run, work. Aysh..." I went on stupidly as I made for the door.

I managed to make it to the sidewalk before the tears broke. Gasping for breath I wandered blindly along the silent London streets not caring which direction I took as long as it would get me as far away as possible from Max. I gritted my teeth and held myself together by a tenuous string, pain and humiliation slicing through me.

*

I somehow found myself at Liam's door and stood staring at it in confusion for a few minutes before knocking. He opened it looking a right mess, his soft blonde mop sticking out at all angles and his old t-shirt crumpled.

"What the hell!? Do you know what time-" he started to tell me off then saw my face. "Oh jeezus, Sammi..." he breathed as he pulled me in for a bear hug. "What happened?"

I snivelled and gulped into his arms, thinking vaguely that this situation was familiar. But I just couldn't talk yet. The shame was eating me up. I felt like an idiot. Falling for Max all over again, getting chucked twice! The only words I could remember saying were "Stupid, stupid, _stupid_!"

He took me inside and sat me down on that couch again. I finally poured out what happened while Liam made us a cup of tea each. He walked back over carrying two hot mugs.

"Oh, Sam, my sweet little idiot." He patted my hair and came to sit next to me again. "Why did you fall for that selfish bastard again?"

"I don't know...it's just, it took me by surprise, him being there, then the dancing and, oh God, I was all over him..." I covered my eyes to squeeze out the humiliation.

"Sounds like he was all over you too," Liam said quietly.

"I thought I was over him, Liam! Ugh!" I doubled over, hugging my sides. "So humiliating!"

"Why, because you went to bed with the guy that you're in love with? He's the idiot who let it happen knowing full well that he was only after some 'fun', as he calls it."

I wasn't listening. "But...he was _the one!,_ Liam," I mumbled, embarrassment and heartache jumbling my thoughts. I loathed myself for falling for him, but I just couldn't let go of the idea of _US_.

"Yeah, I know I know. The fairytale. Sam, when are you going to realise that life isn't supposed to be a fairytale, that all men are just bastards!"

"But you're not!" I argued, looking up at his kind face. I never noticed how clear his blue eyes were.

"Yeah, I'm a true Prince Charming. That's why I'm up at 8am on a Sunday comforting my snivelling best friend about _another heartache._ Cinderellas take note." He snorted.

"I'm not snivelling." I quickly wiped my runny nose. _Nice, like a true lady_.

He handed me a tissue and we were quiet for a few moments before something occurred to me.

"Speaking of Cinderella, where _is_ Sarah?"

"Sarah..." he sighed.

"Yeah, Sarah. Your very own princess."

"Well...Sarah, it turns out, was not my fairytale ending either."

"What? When? You didn't tell me!" I gasped.

"About a week ago, but we'd been fizzing out for ages now. Around about the time we came back from Italy, I guess. We just kept holding on, for God knows what." He sighed and picked at the arm of the couch.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Liam. I'm so selfish, wailing on about my one night stand and you've just broken up," I apologised, almost choking on the 'one night stand' bit and cuddled close to him. "Why didn't you tell me things were that bad?"

"It's not that huge, Sam, honestly whatever _it_ was, it's been gone for ages. And I didn't want to worry you with my problems," he finished off quietly.

_You selfish self-absorbed git, Sammi!_ I couldn't help feeling a crushing guilt at the thought of neglecting him. I'd been too wrapped up in my own drama to consider that he'd been suffering also.

"I'm so sorry, Liam, I've been such a mess, haven't I? What an awful best friend. I don't deserve to be. You should fire me!"

He laughed and picked a stray strand away from my face. "Not awful. Ok, maybe just a little." He smiled. "But really, don't worry about it, Sam. I'm a big boy, and as I said, it just wasn't meant to be."

We lapsed into a silence, each away with our own thoughts.

"Well," I piped up, "for what it's worth, she's missed out. If she couldn't see what she had, then...well she's a git..." I ended awkwardly.

"That she was!" he agreed laughing. "Ah well, you know, no one will ever compare to you, my sweet Sam." He squeezed my shoulder.

"Yeah, I know, I know, I'm such a prize, anyone would be lucky to have me." I snorted at the irony.

He grew quiet.

"Sam..."

" _BRRRRINGGGGG!"_

My phone's loud ring interrupted him. I scrambled around and cursed the black lining of my handbag, it always made finding anything so much harder. I finally dumped all of the contents on the floor before picking my phone up and answering.

"Aysh! Oh shit, I'm so sorry. Please, please tell me you'll cover for me!"

There was a long pause before she answered.

"Sure, whatever." I could hear the anger in her voice. "So how's Prince Charming then? I expect you're cuddled up in his posh flat, brunch and condom packets strewn about the doona!"

"Oh God, Aysh, don't!" I gasped and she immediately stopped.

"What happened? Where are you? Tell me!"

So I did. And the tears came again. I couldn't stand the pity in Liam's eyes as he watched me retell the details, so I ended the story with my eyes closed, doubled over my knees.

"Jeezus! _...to see if he could_?! What kind of...prick says that?" I could almost see her cheeks colouring, the pink spreading as it always did when her temper flared.

"He didn't mean it! I don't know, maybe my sexy dance moves were just too much for him," I tried to joke weakly.

"Ha!"

"Gee, thanks."

"Babe, we all know your moves would reduce any man to tears, but, whatever! Any guy who supposedly loves you does not chuck you the minute you come from across the planet to be with him, and _then_ sleeps with you knowing full well you're completely in love with him, to dump you the next morning. He is a first class bastard."

"Thank you for the summary, Miss Gallagher."

"Well you know, you sounded dangerously close to defending him as usual."

"I don't defend him. I've seen Greys Anatomy, I know how busy interns get." I could hear her snort on the other side of the line. "It's true! Anyway, he's just really dedicated to his studies..."

"Ha! There you go again. You're justifying, Sam. The fact is, if he had one ounce of respect for you, he wouldn't have let last night happen."

She was right of course. _Why did I feel the need to defend his behaviour?_ I knew why, I was still clinging to my fairytale, no matter how frustrated I was with myself for doing so.

"Well, it took two of us. I just-"

"No! I tell you, if he ever even speaks to you again, I will personally break his kneecaps!" The image popped into my head of Aysha screaming like a banshee over a fallen Max. It brought a small smile to my lips.

"Thanks, Aysh." I exhaled. "Sorry about the shift, I promise I'll get you one back." I sniffed.

"I know you will...Alright, look we'll talk about this when you get back up here, 'kay? I better run, Maia's screaming for me downstairs. Give Liam a hug. Love you!"

"Love you too. Luck."

I hung up the phone and let it drop on the floor. I was drained.

We were quiet for a few minutes, the silence filling the apartment. Then I remembered Liam was about to say something when Aysha called. I sat up and faced him.

"What were you going to say?"

"Hmm? When?" He avoided my eyes.

"Just now, before Aysha called. You were about to tell me something?"

"Oh nothing, never mind. Wasn't that important." He shrugged, that crooked smile turning up the left side of his lips. He let out a long breath and moved to get up. "Another cuppa?"

I watched him for a beat then decided to let it drop. When he didn't want to, there was nothing in the world that would make Liam talk.

"Sure...and Liam?"

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Thanks."

He smiled in response as he took our cups to refill them.

*

I went back to the pub on the afternoon train and arrived just as Aysha was coming off her first shift. We met in the hallway and she grabbed me wordlessly for a bear hug. She pulled me into her room and sat me down on the edge of her bed.

"How you doing hun?" She sat, curling one leg up under her.

"I'm tired, Aysh." She stayed quiet, her eyes watching me with concern. "Tired of all of this. I just wish I could turn it all off, you know. Oh God, I'm tired of crying." I wiped the silent tear that had started to fall. I slumped my shoulders down and put my hands to my eyes.

"I know. And I'm tired of watching you tear yourself apart about this guy. I thought you were getting better? He's not worth it, Sam."

"I know! But why won't my stupid heart get it, Aysh? I hate how much I love him!" I thumped my chest in frustration as I looked back up at her. We were quiet for a while.

"I don't know, Sam. The more we push and try to get it out of our system, the more it'll hold on. I'm only now starting to forget about Marc. I know he'll always be a big part of my heart, but I won't let that stop me from living."

"Living. I thought I was doing that, Aysh. It was all such a shock, I couldn't believe how I reacted when I saw him again."

"It will get better. Believe me."

I nodded and stared at my feet silently. "I need to get away," I finally whispered. Aysh narrowed her eyes then nodded slowly. "I thought this was far enough, but...I need to get out of here, Aysh."

"Well then, let's go," She answered.

"You'll come with me?" I asked tentatively.

"Hell yes! Let's do it, Sam, wherever you want to, it'll be amazing. It's the whole reason we're here anyway, to see more of Europe!" She jumped up, her excitement buoying me also.

"Yeah! Let's do it!" I paused, "Where?"

She rushed over to the world map that was pinned next to her small mirror. "Anywhere, c'mon," she pulled me up off the bed, "let's choose."

I looked over the map with the little pins stuck on all the cities she'd visited. Western Europe was dotted thickly. My eyes wandered over to the right and found what I was looking for. She looked over when I raised my finger and placed it firmly on a cluster of islands. We turned and grinned at each other.

"Greece!" I squeaked.

"Greece!" She whooped and jumped, dancing around the room. "Sun, sand, Santorini!"

"What's all this, then?" We both jumped. Maia was leaning against the frame, arms folded.

"We're taking off! To Greece! Come with us, Maia, it'll be a blast, girl time!" Aysha ran over and grabbed her arms excitedly.

"Wow! When are you going?"

Aysha turned and looked at me questioningly, we hadn't thought about that yet.

"One week, that's enough notice, isn't it?" Aysha smiled over at Maia who laughed.

"Just. But I can't join you, ladies."

"Why!?" We cried in unison.

"Because I'm the bloody manager, that's why." We both raised our eyebrows at her and she laughed. "And I'm moving to London in two weeks?"

"You are?" Aysha and I both were taken by surprise by the news.

"Yep, I just got the call today. I applied for another pub down there, more hours and better money."

"Oh my God, that's fantastic, Maia!" Aysha clapped her hands while I walked over to them. "But why didn't you tell us?"

"I just didn't want to jinx it before I got it."

"Fair enough. And you're sure that's what you want to do?"

"Hell yes! I might even get my own share flat. I'm so over living at work. I guess it's _my_ little adventure." She shrugged and we all hugged briefly before stepping back. Maia wasn't one for affection.

"Well, we'll miss you. Wish you were coming."

"Yeah right, Sam," she snorted, "you'll be elbow deep in boys, white sand beaches and ouzo." She smiled and winked before walking away.

Aysha and I turned to face each other, a smile on both our faces, which quickly turned into grins. We hugged and jumped up and down chanting "Greece, Greece, Greece!"

*

Incredibly, David and Susannah were totally understanding when we gave our notices, even offering to let us store our things in their garage for the time we were away.

"We'll probably be back here sooner than you think, you know? Work the pub after we've had enough backpacking." Aysha shoved her suitcase into a corner and stood to face Susannah.

"Well, you're always welcome here. Both of you, but don't feel obligated. For now, you girls just travel your hearts out. Don't think about anything other than having a great time."

"Suzie's right. We were young once too, we know the need to be free and wild!"

"Hey, we're not that old!" Susannah nudged David playfully.

He laughed. "You know what I mean. We've done the travel thing. And had a few really great people help us along the way. We're just repaying the favour, passing it on."

Aysha and I took turns to hug both of them before picking up our packs and heading to the waiting cab. "Thank you so much, guys. We'll send postcards and let you know when we're heading back, 'kay?"

I turned one last time to wave goodbye. "We're so lucky to have found you! Goodluck with the newbies!"

"Haha. Get out of here!"

****

### The Islands

Aysha and I had made vague plans for our journey, not wanting to limit ourselves to the usual tourist destinations. We only knew that we wanted to start in Athens, then explore the less popular Peloponnese peninsula before hitting the party islands.

We visited countless ruins and sites, stopping each day to fill our journals with the day's adventures, either on the sites themselves, while waiting for the countless buses, or back in our rooms. In between sightseeing we spent our time reading, lounging in the hostel common room, or at the bar swapping stories with other travellers and seeking out decent food in whichever village or town we were in. Having no real itinerary, we would check our Lonely Planets each night before deciding on the next destination.

I wrote to Liam every few days, regaling him with our adventures, days lazing in the sun and nights partying with all the tourists and locals. I think we made him quite jealous, he was forever threatening to join us on the islands. I encouraged it of course. I started to miss his steady, comforting presence and even his sometimes cheesy humour.

From the Peloponnese we took a ferry out to Crete where we stayed for three days before finally making our way to Santorini.

We took the last ferry from Heraklion, which pulled into the crescent shaped Athinios bay at around midnight. We'd managed to sleep until the last moment, so the first I really saw of it was when we walked off the gangway. It was awe-inspiring. The port rested in a little bay with enormous cliffs towering all around. The rock face rose magnificently above us, the tops thrown into inky blackness by the blazing lights of the port offices.

We'd hardly walked five metres into the harbour before being accosted by a group of pension hawkers all calling out the names of their accommodations. I stood dazed by the sudden noise and bustle, unsure how to deal with the overwhelming harassment. Someone, I wasn't sure if it was me or Aysha, made a decision and we were quickly bundled into a minivan with four other equally shell-shocked backpackers to start the journey to the main city, Fira.

The climb up and out of the port in the bus was frightening. I clutched my daypack to me as I peered over the sheer drop down into the sea. The bay quickly emptied and the glow of the lights from the ferry and port offices added to its otherworld beauty. I wasn't sure if it was all a dream.

"It's beautiful," Aysha, sitting next to me, breathed.

"Almost like an underwater fairy city," I agreed.

I kept thinking that I should take a photo, but being half asleep I didn't have the wits to take out my camera in time.

"Do you think everyone here is just as spaced out as we are?"

"I'd say so, Aysh. We're the only ones talking," I whispered back to her.

"Well, shhh then." She giggled and went back to looking out of the window.

Not surprisingly, the bus was quiet for the rest of the drive into town.

We pulled into a darkened driveway and stopped. Our driver climbed out and slid the doors open, giving us our first view of the hostel. It was a slightly dilapidated mansion, chipped wooden shutters hung from the windows, bits of plaster and paint crumbled off the walls and the stairs up to the front door were concave from years of foot traffic.

Aysha raised her eyebrows.

"Shabby chic?" I wondered aloud.

We all staggered to the reception desk where a tall Rastafarian, dreadlocks falling down to his buttocks and dressed in an array of ratty rainbow clothing, greeted us.

"Welcome to the Ana Youth Hostel. My name is Costa, please fill out these forms and I get you to your rooms." He winked good-naturedly while he bopped to the reggae music he had playing quietly in the background.

Aysha and I raced to fill our forms in and gave them back to Costa before the others had finished. He nodded and gave us our keys. "Dorm rooms are out the front door, turn left, right behind reception here. Have a nice stay, lovely ladies."

We thanked him and grabbed our packs to make our way to the room.

"This should be interesting," I mumbled as we made our way in the darkness to the back of the hostel.

"Yeah, well, here's hoping for more chic than shabby, eh?" We walked passed a row of darkened rooms before she piped up again. "Shared 3, here it is."

Aysha put her key into the door and we held our breath as she swung it open and flicked the light on. We poked our heads in the door and scanned the room. Chipped paint, cracked floors and a whiff of stale cigarette smoke.

She paused, shrugged then wandered over to the two empty bunks and chose a lower bed by throwing her pack on it. "Not bad. Not great, but not awful. And it looks like we've got the place to ourselves."

I dropped mine on the bunk opposite and sat down. "It's clean enough and that's about all I care about right now. Urgh, I'm knackered." I fell onto the bed only to get back up quickly. "Definitely sleeping bag option though." I groaned at the yellowing sheets.

Racing in and out of the bathroom, I ended up going through my nighttime routine lightning fast. I yanked my sleeping bag out of the bottom compartment of my pack and was fast asleep by the time Aysha had flicked the light off.

We spent the following day wandering around the stunning island, climbing up the stark white staircases and allowing ourselves to get lost in the labyrinth of Greek architecture. I took countless photos of the stunning caldera, marvelling at the sheer drop from the houses into the ocean. After a morning of sightseeing we wandered onto yet another balcony overlooking the cliff and sat down to eat our Gyro wraps.

Even with my dark sunglasses on, I had to squint against the glare bouncing off the whitewashed walls.

"Yum! This is the best one yet." I licked at the yoghurt dressing leaking out of the paper wrapping onto my fingers.

"Mmm, definitely delish." She chewed a piece in silence. "But I think tonight we deserve a full meal, in a restaurant, with a table and cutlery."

I laughed. We'd been careful with our budgets in the last week, knowing that we would spend a larger portion of our time, and therefore our money, in the islands. "Agreed. I'm kinda getting over the takeaways too."

Instead of consulting our trusty guidebooks, that night we decided to ask Costa where we should have dinner. He was in the middle of serving a young backpacking couple when we came into the office.

"Just one minute, my lovely ladies."

"Take your time, Costa, just need some info."

"Thank you, Miss Sammi." He turned to the guy and continued. "Now I just need your I.S. cards and we can get you organised."

The girl smiled at us as her friend finished filling out the forms and gave over their International Student cards.

"Hey, have you guys been in Santorini long?" She was my height, with a shock of curly platinum blond hair. Her daypack, which she had slung over her chest, was decorated with red and white maple leaf emblems and key chains.

"Nope, just arrived yesterday," I answered.

Aysha looked up from where she was leaning on the reception desk and joined us. "Where did you guys just come from?"

"Athens. It took forever! I just can't wait to get into a shower now."

"We came through Crete, not that bad. Staying long?"

Her friend came over to us and smiled broadly. He was a good foot taller than her and had the same hair. He put out his hand. "Hey, the name's Mike."

"Aysha."

He turned to me and I smiled. "Sammi."

"And I'm Karina. Nice to meet you girls. And the answer to your question is, I don't know, hoping to just float through the islands and see where the days take us. How about you?" She flashed a mouth full of perfectly white teeth.

"Same here. Maybe another few days here, then hoping to head to Ios."

Mike nodded his head. "Nice. That's where we're heading next too. Hey, are you guys going out tonight?"

I shrugged. "Sure, we're just going to grab some dinner first then, I guess, try one of the pubs in town."

"Great, why don't we meet up somewhere? We've eaten on the ferry, but still up for partying later. Any ideas where?"

"I think the man to ask is Costa." I turned and smiled at our Rasta friend. "Hey Costa."

"Miss Sammi, how can I help on this fine evening?" He grinned at us as he leant down to turn up the reggae music coming through the sound system.

"We need to know two things. First, where we can get the best meal in Santorini? Second, where to have the best night out?"

"Ok, for the first, I will show you." He came out from behind the reception desk and pointed out a restaurant on a large map of Fira on the wall. "Nousa Taverna, here. 2 minutes walk. Tell them Costa sent you. And the second, Murphy's. Just up the road from here. You come out of the hostel to the main street, turn right and it's 5 minutes walking. You won't miss."

I turned to Karina and Mike. "Ok, you heard the man. Murphy's. See you guys there around 10?"

"Sounds good. See you there and have a nice dinner!" They waved us off as they picked up their packs to go and find their rooms.

We found our restaurant easily in a side alley and were seated outside under a trellis of grapevines. The blue and white checked tables were full with both locals and tourists all talking animatedly and devouring their meals. The smell of roasting meats, seafood, feta cheese, rosemary and olives blended into a mouth-watering bouquet. Young children ran around excitedly as their parents chatted and waiters swished around customers as they carried plate after plate of food. Through it all I could hear a chorus of orders being yelled out to the cooks in the kitchen.

We ordered our meals and leant back in our chairs to listen to the loud banter. Our waiter came back and placed two glasses of white wine on the table.

"Excuse me, we didn't order these," Aysha said quickly to stop the waiter before he spun away.

"This is complement. For Costa's friends." He winked at us before hurrying off.

"Hah, it's good to have connections," Aysha giggled as she picked up her thick glass and waited for me join the toast. "To us!" We chinked before taking a slow sip.

I grimaced as the tartness hit my tongue. "Urgh. Thank God that's free."

"Yuck." Aysha agreed. "But waste not want not, eh? Plonk is plonk." She took another quick sip before putting her wine down.

My eyes wandered over the other customers to a young couple on the table next to us. Their bodies were leaning forward while they held hands and looked into each other's eyes. The man was rubbing his thumb softly over the back of her hand, an easy lopsided smile on his face as he watched her adoringly. _I remember that look._ I ripped my eyes away and played with my glass.

Aysha watched me quietly. "You okay?"

I swallowed and forced myself to smile. "Not really."

"Sam, you can't force it to happen." I stayed silent, playing with the rim of the wine glass. "I know you're desperate to forget, but it's going to take a while."

I blew out my breath quickly. "I know. I just get taken off guard sometimes..." I was lost in a memory of a meal that Max and I had shared in a small Italian restaurant near Notting Hill. He'd held my hand just the same way, telling me how much he was going to miss me. _Get a grip!_ I gritted my teeth and shook the memory away.

She watched me quietly then glanced at my bracelet.

I put my hand in my lap. "Anyway, forget about it. Let's just enjoy this free, disgusting, wine shall we?"

The corner of her mouth twitched, but she was still concerned. "Sam..."

"Aysh, please, I'm so sick of talking about it. Please, can we just..." I trailed off.

She looked like she was about to say more, but stopped herself, shrugged. "Ok...just...ok."

"We're in Santo-frikkin-rini for Pete's sake." I lifted my glass again and took another sip, scrunching my face against the taste.

Aysha took a slow sip of her glass and squinted over the rim at me. She slammed the glass on the table with surprising force. "Santo-freaking-rinniiiiiiiiiiii!!" She declared loudly. I looked over in shock and she stared back, a smile growing quickly on her mouth.

"You're mad!"

We both burst out laughing.

We were wiping our tears away when the waiter came back. He placed a whole grilled fish between us and a small plate of Greek salad each. My mouth watered as the smells hit me. Smokiness mixed with the fresh zing of lemon and rosemary in the salad. I picked up my fork, and then speared a cube of feta, popping it into my mouth quickly. I eyed the fish hungrily as Aysha served the soft white flesh onto our plates.

"Thank you, Costa." She picked up her knife and fork gleefully.

"Thank you, Costa!" I agreed, picking up a forkful of juicy fish.

It was easily one of the best meals I've ever had. The simplicity of the dishes and freshness of the ingredients was delicious. In the end we'd ordered just the right amount, so that we were satisfied, but not overly full.

I sat back in my chair and sighed happily as the waiter cleared our plates. "Now that has got to go on the top 5."

"Top 5 in Greece or ever?"

"I'm tempted to say ever, but for sure, Greece."

She nodded in agreement and also sat back.

The waiter came by and dropped a plate of tiramisu in between us, two spoons on either side of the plate.

"Complement." He winked, cutting me off as I started to open my mouth. Instead, I smiled and thanked him.

Aysha picked up her spoon and cut a piece of the cake. "I love this place!" She put the piece in her mouth and closed her eyes. "Yum."

"To Costa." I said as I picked up my spoon.

She touched her spoon to mine. "To Costa, the best hostel _mon_ in the world!"

We polished the cake off quickly and asked for the bill. We paid and made our way to the local Irish pub where we'd planned to meet Karina and Mike.

"Do you think it's mandatory for each town in the world to have an Irish pub?" I asked as we walked towards the neon 'Murphy's' sign.

"I don't know, but I feel like we've been on the great Irish pub crawl for the last 10 days," Aysha laughed as we walked through the door.

We found Karina on her own at the bar, bopping to the pop music blasting through the speakers.

"Hey, where's Mike?" I asked as Aysha lent over the bar and ordered us drinks.

"Heya girls! Mike's gone to the bathroom for a second. Pretty good crowd, eh?"

I looked around and was surprised to see it already packed so early in the night. I guessed there weren't that many options in Santorini. The music changed to R&B and I started to nod my head and bop. Aysha handed me my vodka lemonade and started swinging from side to side to the song. We smiled to each other and stepped over to the dance floor, which already had a few other people on it. I gestured to Karina to join us, but she shook her head and lifted her drink to us in encouragement.

We danced for hours, sometimes Karina and Mike would join us, but as usual it was mostly Aysha and I having fun on our own until it became too packed to move. We decided to retreat to the bar for another drink and were standing waiting for our turn when we heard the first few bars of a Shakira song. We both shouted in excitement and immediately started to belly dance, swinging our hips from side to side to the rhythm of the song. I was really enjoying myself and started to sway and weave my hands through the air.

"Hey, you look like you know what you're doing!" Mike yelled into my ear as I moved my hips in small figure eight patterns.

"Haha, not really. But thank you. I did a short course back home and I guess I picked up a few tips." I spread my arms out and circled my wrists the way the instructor had taught me.

Karina and Mike started to clap for us enthusiastically and were soon joined by a few of the guys sitting at the bar. More and more people clapped and soon we had a cheering audience. Out of the crowd I felt hands grab me and hoist me on top of the bar. I laughed and looked down at Aysha, unsure if I should stay up. All of a sudden she was hoisted next to me. We glanced at each other and started dancing again, giggling our way to the end of the song.

When it ended we were about to make our way down when the bartender yelled up to us, "Stay, staaay up!" He thrust his palm at us, mouthing the word "Wait!" while he quickly poured out two shot glasses of tequila and handed them over. I held my glass unsure whether I should drink it and looked over to Aysha, who raised her eyebrow with a cheeky grin. She shrugged and touched her glass to mine.

"Bottoms up!"

I quickly followed suit and turned back to the crowd with a whoop. We stayed up on the bar for another 3 songs, cheered on by the increasingly appreciative throng.

By the time we jumped back down we were on such a high that we danced until closing time. We lost Karina and Mike somewhere halfway through the night and stumbled home on our own towards dawn.

We did the same the next night, and the next, becoming the local dancing queens of the little Irish pub.

*

I noticed him as soon as he'd walked into the club. As had all the girls in the vicinity. His tall frame towered over his friends as they swept in as a pack, surveying the pickings on the dance floor. A few of the more daring from the group walked straight to a cluster of blonde Norwegian girls who giggled their delight at the attention.

"Wow, now that is a god," I heard Aysha exclaim next to me.

"Mmm-hm."

"Mmm-hm? That's all you can say when an Adonis walks in and stands across the room from you?"

I laughed at her dramatics, but couldn't help agree with the description. His chiselled face had a surprisingly soft mouth that smiled easily at his friend's jokes. A simple black cotton tee which was filled in all the right places and loose dark denim jeans gave him a slightly rebellious look. He knew the affect he had on the room, but ignored it nonetheless.

"Woah. I just want to let my fingers run through those glossy black curls, and that yummy chocolate skin and... " Aysha pretended to fan herself as she openly stared.

"Aysha!" I laughed, "Control yourself, woman. He is damned hot, but I'm sure he knows it. And has probably the pick of any woman here, any night of the week." I saw his eyes look up as I said the last line and froze, wondering if he'd heard me. We locked eyes for what seemed like an age before he grinned and started to make his way over to our side of the room. He moved with ease, ignoring all the lustful looks from the girls left in his wake.

"Oh my, miss Sammi. I do believe he's heading this way!" Aysha started fanning herself again as I stood hypnotized. I couldn't keep a sheepish grin off my face as he came closer and stood right in front of me.

"Hi." He smiled as I bit my lip. His dark eyes bored into me.

"Hi." I was having trouble talking again. Just then the song changed to a salsa tune.

"Would you like to dance?" He held out his hand, already knowing my answer.

Aysha winked and grinned openly as he led me to the dance floor. I looked back to see her give two thumbs up and prayed he wouldn't turn around.

Once on the dance floor he swung me around and moved confidently to the music. He told me his name was Christos and that he was born and bred in Santorini. We bantered and flirted, but mostly it was shallow small talk. He was charming and courteous, buying us endless rounds of drinks and introducing a few of his friends. They turned out to be a nice bunch of boys who had grown up together on the island.

"Well, it's been lovely meeting you boys, but I'm getting kind of tired. I think I'll head back to our hostel." I looked over to Aysha who was in the middle of what looked like an intense conversation with one of Christos' friends. "How about you, Aysh?"

She looked up briefly and shook her head. "I'm ok actually. But if you're going, I'll come with."

"Maybe I can walk you back? And Aysha can stay to talk with Miros? Everybody wins," Christos interrupted with a broad grin.

I looked over at Aysha and had a moment of doubt.

"Sounds good." She winked and shooed me away. "Go on, go. I'll be back in a bit."

I glanced at Christos and felt a small rush of anticipation. _What the hell, he's gorgeous. Might as well have a bit of fun._ "Okay, I guess I have an escort home then. Nice meeting you all. Night, Aysh." I hugged her quickly then turned to make my way out of the club with Christos.

I was pretty tipsy when we stepped outside, leaning into him as he led the way through the back alleys towards the hostel. We walked in a heavy silence until we reached a quiet street where he suddenly stopped and pulled me to him. His eyes burned as he dropped his face close to mine. The kiss was soft and sweet, almost doubtful and I let myself to kiss him back tentatively.

I heard a low growl escape from him and before I knew it he had me pinned against the wall, kissing me urgently and running his hands up and down my top. The sudden change surprised me. _Wait! Too much, too much._ From far away, a voice in my head began to protest. He grabbed my hand and started guiding it down towards his groin. I recoiled, trying to resist, but he was so much stronger. He let go and started to touch me roughly again. _Sammi! Watch what you're doing!_ I snapped out of my buzz and a small panic set in.

I managed to turn my head to the side. "Christos...don't."

But he ignored me, snaking his hands up my shirt and finding my mouth again with his. I pulled away from, he only responded by kissing my neck and pulling me closer. My heartbeat raced with fear.

"Christos, please." _You have to get out of this, Sammi. Think!_

It slowly dawned on me that we were in an abandoned alley, on an island I didn't know, with no help in sight. I desperately wracked my brain for a way I could get out of the situation. It was then that he started to unbuckle his belt. _Oh no, oh no, oh no!_ He moved his knee in between my legs, trapping me in place. I knew at that moment that this was going to spin out of control if I didn't do something to stop him. Just don't panic.

"Wait...wait!" He looked up as my voice went up a notch, his eyes glazed and mouth open in lust. It terrified me. "Christos, wait. I'm just really tired tonight."

He smiled lazily and kissed me on my check before trying to find my mouth again.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried again. "I really want to, but can we wait?"

His face wrinkled in confusion, unsure of what he was hearing. His breath came in fast gasps. I smiled shakily at him, trying to be coy, praying this would work. I touched his chest to try to convince him. He started to kiss my neck and I had to close my eyes to control the urge to scream.

When his hands started to unbuckle his belt again I had to say something. "Maybe tomorrow?"

He finally stopped and stared down at me. "Are you sure you don't want to..." he breathed, trailing his hand down my neck towards my chest. With as much control as I could muster I forced myself to nod slowly. He dropped his head on my shoulder with a sharp exhale. I was too scared to move or breathe.

"Okay, sure." He cupped my chin and kissed me. It took all my will to stop from screaming. "You're sweet." He moved his knee away and gave me a lopsided grin.

"Thanks. Goodnight, Christos." With a last tight smile I spun away from him and walked unsteadily down the alley in what I hoped was the right direction. As I got further away I sped up and ran for it. My mind was screaming for me to get away from there, fast. I finally saw the lights of the back of the hostel and felt my pulse start to slow.

Stupid, stupid girl.

I ran into our room as Aysha was climbing into her sleeping bag.

"Sam! Are you ok?" She sat up in alarm as I raced over to my bed and collapsed.

"Oh God, I almost just got myself into serious trouble, Aysh."

"What happened? Did he hurt you?" Her voice went up an octave as she struggled to get out of the sleeping bag and come over to sit by me.

I shook my head. "He could have. It was so close, Aysh. I was telling him to stop and he just wouldn't." I told her what had happened. Her face turned white as I described him grabbing me and trapping me.

"And then I ran here." I exhaled and crumpled. "God, how could I be so stupid?"

"Wow. But no, not stupid, Sam, he looked like a nice guy. But I guess that can be deceiving."

"Yeah, so I found out. Ugh, I feel so...dirty." I rubbed under my shirt where his hands had grabbed me. "But I guess I'm pretty lucky."

She was shaking her head. "Damned lucky. And good thinking, not panicking, babe. I think it would have totally spun out if you freaked." She exhaled harshly and collapsed against me. "We've got to start being more careful, Sam. It's all fun and games until something like this happens. Promise me we won't let each other do anything like this again, 'kay?"

I nodded silently, pulling her into a hug. We held each other in silence for a while, each lost in our thoughts.

I pulled away from her, smiling weakly. "Sorry if I freaked you out, Aysh. I just can't believe I got myself in that situation."

"You know what, as long as you're ok, I'm ok. Time to put the brakes on a bit, I think."

I nodded. "So...how was the rest of your night?"

"Ok, talked to Miros for a bit, but that got kinda boring. I ran into Mike and Karina and had a drink with them before coming back here."

"Oh yeah? How're they? They kind of disappeared."

"Yeah, they've rented a small car and have been driving around the island together. Apparently Mike decided to spoil them and booked them into one of those nice hotels overlooking the caldera. "

"Wow, those are definitely for spoiling. Lucky girl, found herself a good boy."

"Oh, he's not her boyfriend. She said they were cousins. He's under strict orders to look after her."

"Huh. I guess that explains the hair." I yawned. "Anyways, I'm beat. I need a shower." I shivered involuntarily at the memory of Christos' touch. "And then bed time."

"Definitely." She pushed herself up from my bed and climbed back into her bunk. "And you are ok, right?"

I exhaled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Go to sleep, you look knackered."

"I'm dead tired. Night, night, chica, see you in the morning."

"Night." I smiled as I took my toiletries bag into the bathroom. I thanked my guardian angels that I had been able to get out of a potential nightmare and vowed to not be so careless again.

*

The next morning we were sitting in the common room nursing light hangovers and planning our day when we saw a dull yellow kombi van roll into the driveway. It sputtered to a stop and two boys stepped out, each dressed in surf shorts and ratty t-shirts. They wandered over to the reception area, passing us on their way to speak to Costa. I lost interest and looked back down to my Lonely Planet to try and find something to do that night that didn't involve drinking.

"Heya." I heard a friendly voice above me and looked up to see one of the boys smiling down at me. His short black curls and roundish face gave him an almost cherubic look. "Tristan. You guys been here long?" He held out his hand to shake mine.

I returned his smile while I shook his hand. "Sammi. This is Aysha. And no, not long. Four days." He leant over and took her hand also.

"Cool, we just got in off the Athens ferry. Didn't think we'd get Starter up that bloody hill!"

"Starter?" Aysha asked.

Tristan pointed to the kombi with his chin. "That beauty out there. It's mine and Eddie's. We've brought it over from London."

"Wow! That must have been some drive?" I asked fascinated.

"Yeah, it was wild. We drove from France to Croatia and all the way down to Athens before getting the ferry out here. Lucky Eddie here," he indicated his friend who had wandered over to join us, "is a bloody genius mechanic so we kept out of too much trouble."

Eddie, who was almost a foot taller than Tristan, smiled as he self-consciously ran his hand through his short blond dreadlocks. Aysha sat up, eyeing his muscular chest and golden tan. She introduced herself to him and motioned to me as she said my name. Eddie nodded my way, but was looking at Aysha when he spoke.

"Hey, we're going to throw our stuff into our room and chill out for a bit, but what are you guys doing later?"

"We were just trying to figure that out ourselves actually. I was reading that one of the best sunsets you'll ever see in your life is the one off the cliffs over in Oia." I lifted the book I was still holding in my hand.

"Sounds good. If you're cool, we can all jump in our van and go over together?" Tristan looked first to me then to Aysha.

I looked over to her and raised my eyebrow. " _Mau?"_ I was glad that she'd learnt a bit more Indonesian now and I could use it as our secret language.

She looked over at the boys then back at me. " _Boleh_. _Kayaknya baik._ "

I turned back to Tristan, "It's a plan. See you guys out here around 4?"

"Great, well, see ya later!" He and Eddie left to park their van around the back of the hostel and Aysha and I settled back into our seats.

"Do you think we'll be ok?"

"Yeah, like I said, they seem nice enough. I know, I know." Aysha rolled her eyes when I tried to interrupt. "But we'll be together, I'll kick their, butts if they try anything. Don't worry, Sam."

"I guess so. We can always tell Costa where we're going, right?"

"Yep."

With that assurance I settled back to read my guidebook and pass the time until the afternoon.

*

We found out why the car was named 'Starter'. After turning the key unsuccessfully a few times we were ordered out to push it to a jumpstart. Eddie ran out to the back and whacked the engine before rushing back to get into the driver's seat. Aysha, Tristan and I started pushing it slowly. A shortish man wearing a thick woven headband came running out of the hostel and helped us push. When the van sputtered to life he jumped in with us.

"Hello. My name is Brasil." He beamed at all of us.

"Brasil?" I asked, tilting my head in curiosity.

"Well my real name is a little difficult for people to pronounce, so I keep it simple for you to remember. I come from Brasil, and my name is Brasil." He finished by holding his heart and bowing so that his jet-black hair fell over the headband.

Tristan laughed, "Well, welcome, Brasil, to our humble ark." He patted the seat affectionately. "This is Starter, that," pointing to Eddie "is Eddie. And these two lovely ladies are Sammi and Aysha."

"Ladies." He nodded his head to us then addressed the group. "One question; where are we going?"

We all burst out laughing and started to chat. It turned out Brasil had just finished his studies in environmental law and had come over for a quick break before starting his career at home. Tristan and Eddie were childhood best friends who had come over from Melbourne with the dream of driving across Europe before working in London for a couple of years. They were halfway through their 6 month odyssey.

"Ok, here we are," Eddie said as the kombi rolled to a stop in what looked like an abandoned parking lot.

"Are you sure?"

We looked around and saw what appeared to be an abandoned house with a barely visible trail snaking around behind it.

"Well, that's what the sign on the road said. C'mon, let's see where the trail goes."

We all followed Eddie as he walked along the path, the tall grass coming up to our knees. Sure enough, it opened into a small clearing overlooking the caldera. We climbed over a crumbling wall and at last were greeted by the setting sun.

The sunset was stunning, as promised. We stood as a group of worshippers on the rocky outcrop, watching in silence as the sun set in a flame of orange and reds over the ocean. As the last sliver of fire sunk behind the horizon we all blinked as if coming out of a spell.

"Dinner?" Eddie was the first to speak.

There was a chorus of agreement as we all set off to walk into town. We found a small local restaurant and took their last table.

"So, you're on your own, then?" Tristan asked Brasil as we waited for our meals to come.

"Yes. This is my last big adventure before I have to go back to being a responsible young man in Brasilia. The whole family is in politics of some kind, and I'm going back to conform!" He laughed before taking a quick sip of iced tea.

"I hear you there. My Dad is a politico back home too. Nothing big, he's the town mayor, but takes it all very seriously. So does Mum. I think they wish I was following in his footsteps instead of running off to gallivant in a kombi with Eddie," he snorted before continuing, "but your family must be happy you're going into the family business."

"Happy? Well, yes and no. Yes, on the political side, not so much on the environmental side. They're very...old fashioned...so the whole environmental issue is a bit new for them. But we'll get there." He flashed a charming smile. "Anyway it's very boring to talk about home. I have 2 more weeks here to enjoy myself, meet new friends," he raised his glass to us, "and have the time of my life!"

"Hear, hear!" Tristan raised his wine glass and we all joined him in agreement.

"And you guys, have you ever travelled alone? Or always with other people like now?"

"I've travelled alone," Eddie joined the conversation. "Quite liked it actually. Went through South East Asia couple of years ago for three months. Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia and Thailand. It's definitely a different way of seeing things. You don't have to follow any schedule, but your own, and you get into situations you wouldn't otherwise if you had someone else there."

"Definitely!" I agreed. "I think everyone should travel on their own for a bit. It should be a compulsory coming of age thing. You learn so much about yourself when you do it. How you deal with stressful situations for a start."

"And dangerous ones. You figure out how to get yourself out of scrapes pretty quickly when you're on your own. Girls have to be especially careful; things can get out of hand pretty quickly." Aysha looked pointedly at me.

I nodded. "Yeah, sometimes you don't realise how stupid you're being until it's almost too late."

"Something happened to one of you?" Tristan asked.

"Well, I think Aysha's talking about what happened last night in particular. Stupid really." I shook my head as all the attention was now on me.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, thank God, I just made the mistake of stumbling home with a local boy from Murphy's and found myself in not a great situation."

"Yeah, he almost raped you!"

"No he didn't, Aysh!" I looked around at the shocked faces around me. "I mean, I guess it could have gone that way, who knows. But, he just got a bit heavy and thankfully I managed to calm him and myself down enough to get away back to the hostel."

"Yikes!" Tristan leant back into his chair. "Who was this wanker?"

"Christos something. Unfortunately, we didn't get to last names." I blushed and tried to disguise my embarrassment by taking a sip of my wine. "Anyway, yes, it was a dangerous situation to be in, but that's what I mean. I figured out how to deal with it, and," I knocked on the table, "thank God nothing happened."

"You're telling me. We should find this Christos fella and teach him a thing or two about how to treat a lady."

Aysha smiled. "As valiant as that sounds, Eddie, I don't think, Sammi wants any more trouble coming out of this, do you, babe?"

"Nope, definitely. Thank you though, Eddie."

"Our knight in shining armour." Aysha winked at a blushing Eddie.

"Or beat up yellow armour. Wouldn't call Starter shining by any stretch of the imagination," Tristan snorted. "By the way, what was that you were speaking when we first met you? Some kind of secret code?"

Aysha laughed. "Indonesian. Sammi's been teaching me some of it. Comes in handy."

"You're Indonesian?" Eddie asked. The boys paused and stared at me, waiting for my answer.

"Part. My Dad is anyway. And yes, I know I don't look it." I smiled tightly.

"Well, actually I was going to say, now that you mention it, I can see a bit of Asian in there." Tristan smiled and picked up his glass.

"Yeah, definitely. Maybe it's the hair?" Brasil agreed.

"And the eyes." Eddie nodded.

My smile widened. I liked these boys.

Our meals came and we passed the evening chatting, drinking and swapping travel stories. Aysha and Eddie flirted outrageously and when we came back to the hostel she stopped me as I headed for our room.

"Don't wait up for me 'kay. I'm going for a drink with Eddie," she announced happily as she stepped out of the kombi.

"Are you sure? What about not letting each other do something stupid?"

"Don't worry about it, Sam, these guys are the good guys. And I promise, I won't go anywhere secluded, just to the pub and back."

"If you're sure?" I was only half convinced.

She nodded and with a wink followed Eddie out towards the main street. I passed the others as we went to our rooms and said goodnight.

"Where's Aysha?" It was Tristan trying to unlock his room.

"With your friend. He better behave!"

He laughed and shook his head. "Ah, that boy. Don't worry, he'll look after her. And you, what are you up to?"

_I know that look_. "I am going to bed. Long day."

His face fell slightly, but he recovered quickly and grinned.

"Night, Tristan."

"Night, Sammi, see you in the morning."

Over the days we formed a tight knit group. Driving around the island in the kombi and hanging out in the pubs and clubs at night. I was afraid we would run into Christos again, but mysteriously he never showed his face again. We did see his friends at one point, but other than a polite nod and smile, we managed to not interact with them the rest of the evening.

When, after a couple days, we all had enough of Santorini, we collectively decided to move on to the next island, Ios.

A sixth member was added to the group when we ran into Karina again on the ferry. Mike had been called home for a work emergency and she was left on her own after refusing to follow him. I hadn't seen her since the first night we partied together, but I was glad that she joined us. She was open and bubbly, fitting into our little group perfectly.

"Hey, how about we go on a charter boat for a few days?" Karina suggested as we sat back to watch the ferry approach Ios. We can sail around the island, check out the beaches that are a bit harder to reach and pretend to be millionaires."

"Fun! But won't we _have_ to be millionaires to do it?" I asked.

"Not with this many people. I was reading about it online in Santorini, but obviously couldn't do it with just Mike and me. The charter includes all the food and drinks on board. If we split the cost amongst this many of us, it shouldn't be too bad."

"What do you think, guys?" I turned to the rest of the group.

"Well, Eddie and I are up to anything. Budget is kinda smashed already so might as well keep spending and think about it when we get to London!" Tristan laughed.

I looked over at Aysha who pursed her lips, but then nodded. "What the hell, we only live once right?"

"Yay!" Karina clapped her hands enthusiastically. "Good, good, I wrote down the number in my journal so we can call them when we get into port. This is going to be awesome!"

*

The "boat" turned out to be an 18 meter gullet, a beautiful traditional yacht. It was painted white, with a glossy teak finish and had four double cabins. Karina and Brasil were the lucky ones to get a cabin of their own.

We would sail between two and four hours at a time then anchor in a sheltered bay to swim, fish or snorkel. The deck was covered with a dozen or so mattresses and a few slightly lumpy pillows, perfect for hours of sunbathing or reading. In the evenings we ate meals of grilled fish that the crew had caught that day, served with roughly cut potato fries and salad.

On the last night, while the boys and Karina were drinking in the hold, Aysha and I snuck up to the deck for a quick swim. I was about to jump off the side when I looked up at her and grinned.

"What?" She asked suspiciously.

"Dare you?"

"Huh?"

"Full monty?" I challenged her.

She laughed in response, shrugged and agreed. Giggling, we peeled our bikinis off and raced over the side to plunge into the cool water below.

I popped my head above the water and looked around me. "Look!" I gasped as a trail of sparkles came to life through my fingers. I kicked out and the same effect happened below. We were surrounded by a radiance each time we moved.

"What are they?" Aysha breathed as she moved her fingers through the water.

"I think...they're some kind of plankton. Wow, this is beautiful, Aysh..."

The phosphorescent plankton, disturbed by our swimming, were letting off a soft yellowish glow in the inky water with each stroke or kick. We grinned at each other as we swam with the stars above and below, floating through a universe of little lights.

We swam until it grew too cold and finally jumped back on board to towel dry.

"That was magic, Sammi. I can't believe we get to witness these amazing moments, sometimes life can be so good." She was quiet for a minute. "And you know what? The best part is I get to share them with my best friend."

I nodded. "I feel the same, so lucky to have you around, Aysh. You keep me out of too much trouble." I chuckled, then paused as I looked out over the bow. "Hey, do you want to sleep up here tonight? It's pretty hot, I think we'll just need light blankets."

"Sure. I saw some out the back. Let me get them." Aysha jumped up quickly and disappeared towards the stern.

I leant back and watched the starry night with a satisfied smile. My mind wandered over the travels we'd been through the last couple of weeks and I sent up a silent thank you that I had the opportunity to witness such magic.

Aysha came back with a couple of blankets and we snuggled down into the thin mattresses, whispering into the night until we fell asleep.

We came back to shore the next day and continued to party with the other tourists that had also come for a good time. There was an endless supply of pubs and we made it a point to visit each and every one of them.

*

After a couple of weeks I gradually became tired of all the drinking and blurry parties. I started to lose memories of the nights out and it was worrying. I could feel myself becoming unhealthy again, the jeans getting tight and a sallow puffiness had settled on my face. It was time to cut down the drinking again and in an effort to regain some of my fitness I went out on long walks on my own in the countryside surrounding the hostel.

*

We'd been hanging out in our room when it was decided that we would go to a big bash at a backpacker beach on the other side of the island. I was the only one not completely smashed, having nursed my one drink all night, so of course I was the designated driver. We all piled into the kombi, the crew and a couple of new friends. Miraculously, Starter purred to life without much protest and we were off!

As we wound through the labyrinth of small streets Brasil started to whine about how scared he was.

"Oh my God, I just realise! Sammmiii is drivinnn! We are all going to dieee!" he howled.

"Shut up Brasil!" everyone shouted back at him.

I was starting to get really agitated as he slurred out the reasons why women couldn't and shouldn't drive and that maybe he should take over.

_Sure!_ I thought as I concentrated on coaxing Starter through narrower and narrower streets. _You, who can hardly stand straight. Bloody unappreciative bastard!_

When we finally arrived at the party I was about ready to smack him. Thankfully Tristan had seen the rage on my face and dragged Brasil out as soon as the engine had stopped. The party was in full swing as all my passengers spilled out of the kombi. Aysha disengaged herself from Eddie to walk with me.

"Hey, don't take him seriously, okay, Sam? He's just smashed."

I nodded and walked on in silence. She could see I was in no mood to talk, so left to find Eddie again.

I wandered around the party growing more and more disgusted with what I saw. Girls were pulling off their clothes to jump into a swimming pool filled with beer bottles and other party debris. Bodies were gyrating sweatily on podiums, feeling each other up and making out, while dancers spilled their drinks and cigarette ash on the already slick floor. It was general debauchery and an awful sight to witness while sober.

I found Aysha on the beach chatting with one of the girls we'd brought along in the kombi. Alisha was British, young, sexy and very very smashed. As I came over two rough looking Greek guys started chatting to them. They were big gorilla-like goons dressed identically in too tight t-shirts and acid washed jeans.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked Aysha. She looked slightly worried as she glanced over at Alisha.

"I think she's way too messed up. Can't remember her own bloody name or what we're doing here."

"That bad?" I asked.

_I've had way too many nights in the same situation_.

I looked over at Alisha who was now sandwiched between the two guys. They started dancing with her and had to prop her up as she started to slump. I watched in horror as gorilla number one put his hands up her skirt, while gorilla number two slid his hand through her shirt.

"Jeezus, Alisha!" I went to grab her from between the guys and Aysha jumped in to help. We played a vicious tug of war with the goons for the poor girl.

"Get a grip, you idiot, these bastards are practically raping you!" I yanked at her shoulder as Aysha, fearless as ever, stepped in between us and the goons.

"Piss off, you wankers!" Aysha yelled savagely at them.

They must have figured it wasn't worth it because with a final sneer they backed off towards the beach, but stayed close enough to pounce in case we left our charge alone again.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I shook Alisha by the shoulders, but she just gazed at me blankly, a slight smile on her lips.

"Whaaa?" was the only sound she could manage.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the goons slowly making their way to us again, eyeing Alisha like hungry wolves.

"Dammit, Aysha we're gonna have to take her home. She'll get attacked again." We led her stumbling back to Starter and piled her into the back.

"But what about the guys?" Aysha asked as Alisha slumped into her lap.

"They'll make it back some way. There's a tonne of people from the hostel here. Just text Eddie."

I turned my attention back to the car. _Please, please start this time!_ The kombi must have heard my silent prayer because it purred to life on the first go. I pumped the gas and we moved off.

_When did the hill get so steep?_ I wondered worriedly as we approached the road out of the bay. _And narrow?_

"Um, Aysha? Was this a one way?" I glanced quickly over my shoulder at her. She was in the back trying to keep Alisha in her seat.

"Holy crap! Can we get back up there?!"

We shared a worried moment as I idled the kombi at the bottom of the hill. _Well, now or never!_

"Faaaaaaaaaarrrk!"

We both screamed as I slammed on the gas. _Please don't stall, please don't stall._ We sped up the hill, the road dropping off to our right into the sea. I looked ahead, willing the road to stay clear. 200 meters, then 80, then 30 as Starter chugged bravely up the steep hill. _You know you can, you know you can!_ I hoped that there wouldn't be any oncoming traffic as we charged up the steep hill, screaming the whole way. We cleared the crest and took the sharp left on to the main road, the kombi tilting into the turn and only just missing an oncoming car. Panic and stress dissolved into hysterical laughter as I drove us back to our hostel.

After putting Alisha to bed, Aysha went off to Eddie's room to wait for him to come back, while I went to sit on the hostel's veranda to write all this madness down in my journal. I looked out at the lights of the harbour before opening the book and writing my jumbled words down. It was always on nights like these when my thoughts would go back to Max. I wondered what he was doing, whether he was partying it up in London. Who he was partying with? I was lost in my writing when I heard someone creeping up beside me.

"Hey, Tristan," I greeted my drunken friend as he wandered over.

He collapsed on the couch next to me. I put down my journal and laughed at him.

"Nice. You look like you've had a good night?"

"Urgh..."

Abruptly he jumped up and sat facing me, pushing his face close to mine. I leaned back into the couch as he looked intently at me. He swayed softly, his eyes focusing in and out.

"What?" I asked.

"Shhh." He tried to put his finger on my lips, but missed. It landed on my chin.

"Sammmmiiii. You, you...you are the mosht bea, beaut...pretty girl everrr," he drunkenly declared.

"Tristan...You're drunk, sweetie."

I gently took his hand away from my face. He'd done this before. It was always when he'd gotten exceptionally smashed. He would sneak into my room, declare his undying love and beg me to sleep with him. It usually ended with him passing out on Aysha's bed after I convinced him he was really far too drunk to think straight and, in fact, just looking for a "good time". Plus, unfortunately, as much as I loved him, he just wasn't my type.

"No, no, no, I really like you, Sam..."

He reached out and grabbed my face, planting a big sloppy kiss on my lips. I pulled my head back with a jerk, taking his hands from my face.

"Ahem!"

I whipped around. Liam stood a few feet away with his backpack dropped by his feet. The expression on his face flickered quickly from anger, confusion and finally to his usual crooked smile. It was all so fast I couldn't be sure if I'd really seen the initial anger or if I was imagining it. I quickly extracted myself from Tristan and jumped up to hug Liam.

"Oh my God, what are you doing here?"

I was so happy to see him, his big bear hug was familiar and comforting.

Was he always this tall?

"Interrupting, it seems." He laughed softly into my hair. "Aren't you going to introduce Prince Charming?" he teased.

"Saving me more like!" I whispered as I pulled him over to introduce Tristan. They faced each other in silence for a couple of beats before Liam reached out to shake Tristan's hand.

"Hey. You must be Prince?"

Tristan looked confused, his drunken brain not quite computing the question. I elbowed Liam and gave him a withering look.

"Nah, mate, the name's Tristan. And you are?"

Even in his inebriated state Tristan could sense the hostility coming off Liam. I saw him physically straighten and square his shoulders. I looked between the two of them, perplexed by the obvious animosity exuding from both men. Liam casually put his arm around me. Tristan registered this and looked first to me, then to him.

"Aahh, you must be the famous Max. Didn't expect to see you here though." Tristan sneered at a surprised Liam. I felt him stiffen beside me and then his arm dropped from my shoulder.

"'Fraid not. I'm Liam," he turned to look at me, "just an old friend come to hang out. But it looks like you've got your hands full, Sam."

I frowned at him then sighed. Whatever was going on, I was too tired to deal with it right now. I couldn't figure out why Liam was acting so strangely and I had had enough of Tristan's wannabe boyfriend act.

"Yeah, sure Liam. Did you get a room?" He nodded, his eyes still on Tristan, who was now swaying softly in place.

"Good. I can't tell you how happy I am that you came, but I'm so out of it. We've just come back from an awful party, I really just need to crash. But I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?"

He finally broke contact with Tristan long enough for me to give him a quick hug. I squeezed Tristan's arm and made sure they were both heading to their rooms before making my way to mine.

I lay awake for a while trying to figure out what just happened. One thing I knew though, I was honestly pleased that Liam had come. I hung on to that happy thought as I drifted off to sleep.

****

### Revelations

The next morning I found Liam having his breakfast at a table on the veranda. It was a glorious day. The sun was glinting off the water in the bay, a soft breeze was keeping the heat bearable and the scent of wild rosemary floated in the air. I brought over my cup of coffee and sat down.

"Morning." I smiled at him.

"Morning, sunshine." He smiled back.

Thank goodness for that, he seems to be back to his usual self.

"I see why you guys don't want to leave. This place is gorgeous." His arm swept over the vista of charming white villas, the accents of blue and red frames dotted about. "Why would you ever want to come back to grungy ol' London when you can wake up to this every morning?"

"I know, it's lovely, isn't it? We were supposed to keep moving last week, but just fell in love with Ios. None of us have managed to go any further." I smiled as I tipped my head back and let the warm sun wash over my face. I looked up to see Liam watching me with a strange expression on his face.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just look really...content." He smiled that crooked smile of his I loved.

"I am. It's been a wild ride since London. I was pretty broken when I left...and I'm not sure I'll ever completely get over it..." He watched me carefully now. "...But travelling around the islands has really started to heal me I think. I know I've drunk more than I should, but I guess that was part of what I needed."

I sighed before continuing.

"I wake up here every day and thank God, the Goddess, whatever, whoever, that I'm lucky enough to be alive. To be free to travel whenever and wherever I want. To see all these beautiful islands and meet these incredible people..."

I let my monologue drift off and beamed at him. It was all true. As we sat there watching the ferries come into the harbour I couldn't help but think how blessed we were. These are the times that I will cherish in my memories for the rest of my life. I was young and living a dream on a tiny island on the Aegean Sea. I wished Richard and the girls could see this.

"Sorry, I get a bit carried away with it don't I?"

"Not at all, I like listening to you talk this way. Makes me happy to see you so much...better." He smiled. "I guess you've got it all here, sun, sand...Tristan." He looked at me pointedly.

"Tristan!" I snorted. "Poor guy's been trying his moves on me for ages. Usually creeps into my room and ends up passing out on Aysh's bed. But he's harmless." I laughed.

Liam smiled in response, but I could see it didn't reach his eyes.

"Why are you so touchy about Tristan?" I asked him.

"I'm not touchy. Just think the guy's a bit of creep to keep harassing you."

"He really is harmless, Liam. And a great guy, actually the whole group is. You'll love them."

He reached over to fill my cup again. He looked like he was about to say something else, but changed his mind.

"Anyway, what's to do on this glorious pile of rock? I need to get my pale London behind in the sun."

"Plenty! Wait 'til the rest of the crew have crawled out. We're planning to drive out to Manganari before lunch. Supposed to be an amazing beach - I think they filmed part of The Big Blue there."

Liam knew it was one of my favourite films so dutifully gave the right responses and asked more questions while we waited for everyone to show up.

*

We all piled into Starter with Eddie driving and the rest of us squeezed into the back. Liam was behaving and even joked around with Tristan as we drove out to the beach. I started to relax and enjoy having my two best friends with me on my own little piece of paradise. He chatted with everyone and seemed to spend a lot of time with Karina.

_Which is great,_ I told myself.

They seemed to really get along and Liam hadn't gone out with a girl since Sarah. I watched them as they drifted away from the group. She looked to be really taken by him.

_Does she have to laugh so loud?_ I know Liam's jokes aren't that funny. They're usually quite lame actually. _Listen to me!_ _What do I care who or what Liam does?_

I made myself concentrate on what Aysha was talking about and smiled when she made a joke. Brasil ran over to us as the boys jumped into the water.

"Hey, Sammi, can I please apologise for last night. I was probably too drunk and very offensive. The boys tell me anyway."

"It's ok, Brasil. You had me pretty bugged for a bit, but I didn't hold on to it. Thanks for apologising though." I stopped and smiled at him.

He reached out and gave me a quick hug before running to join the boys in the soft break.

"That was sweet."

"Yeah, now! God if looks could kill though, Sammi, he would've been one dead little Brazilian last night."

"Yeah, I just couldn't stand all that macho crap. Anyway, apology accepted."

Aysha and I spread our towels out on the hot sand and lay down to watch the water.

"So, how are things with Eddie?" I asked.

She smiled. "Good. He's really easy to just hang out with and so funny. And bonus, it's nice to be with a guy I can look up to!"

We both looked over to where he and Tristan were trying to teach Brasil how to do the butterfly stroke. They laughed uproariously each time Brasil floundered in the shallow water.

"You think it'll get serious?"

"Oh God no, Sam! We're both here for a holiday. In fact that's exactly what it is, a nice little holiday fling."

"But he's moving back to London after all of this right? I mean I know things change, but since we're going be living in London too..." I trailed off.

"Well, he's not sure. Maybe Dublin, maybe Scotland." She shrugged. "Kind of beside the point though. We both made it clear were just in it for fun. Although..." She didn't finish the sentence, but watched him silently. Her face softened and I recognised silly grin on her lips.

"Although?" I prompted.

She turned to look at me and smiled shyly. "Don't tell him, but I think he's lovely."

"I knew it! It's pretty obvious when you look at him like that," I teased.

"Shut up!" she giggled. "Ugh, tell me if I do it again though, Sam." She snapped herself out of it. "Let's get into that gorgeous water!"

We raced into the sea and joined the boys as they horsed around. After a while I left Aysha with them and came back to my towel. I lay back on my elbows to look out over the sparkling turquoise water and watch my friends chase each other around the beach. Happily, I looked down to run my hands over the soft white sand and marvelled at the miniscule crystals that covered my skin. We were in a stunning little cove, protected by outcrops of craggy rocks on each side.

_I wonder which scene they shot here?_ I thought, running all the scenes of the movie through my mind. I let myself drift off into a daydream about Jean Marc Barr as he had been in the movie.

He'd find me walking on my own on the beach and ask what a dazzling woman like myself was doing here alone?

I would stay silent as my eyes scanned the golden sands ahead of us.

He'd ask me if I wanted to swim and take my hand gently as we walked into the water.

He'd whisper my name "Sammi..."

I would smile in response.

" _Sam! Sammi!!"_

That's not right, why is he yelling at me?

"SAM!" Aysha's voice broke through my daydream. Correct that, dream. I'd dozed off on my towel, arm thrown over to cover my eyes from the sun.

"I was just getting to the good part!" I moaned.

"Yeah well, we're going back for lunch. Happy to leave you behind, but I thought you might kill me when you remember how far it is back to the hostel."

I pushed myself up and saw that everyone else was walking back towards the kombi. Aysha held out her hand and pulled me up to standing.

"Liam seems to be getting on well with Karina." I nodded over to where they were sitting in the open van, heads close together as they chatted quietly. I patted the sand off my towel and walked back with Aysha.

"Yeah, it's good for him. He so needs to get some."

"Aysh!"

"What? It's true. If he wasn't your best mate I'd do him." She wiggled her eyebrows at him as she said it. I looked at her in surprise.

"What? Oh don't look so shocked, little miss prude. Tell me you haven't noticed how hot young master Bennet is?"

"No!"

I looked at him more closely as we walked towards the van.

"Ha! Yeah right. You're totally checking him out right now. Those dreamy blue eyes, the sandy blonde hair you'd just love to run your fingers through. Those yummy rippling arms. Mmm," she stage whispered into my ear.

"My God, Aysha, chill! It's Liam! Ok, granted, he does have incredibly clear blue eyes. And yes, the arms are definitely ripped. And..." I trailed off as I checked out my best friend's ripped six-pack.

_This is getting weird. Stop it_ , _Sam!_

"Uh-huh. Oh yeah, you totally want him too!"

I shoved her to shut her up.

"Ow! Haha. Ok, ok, but really. I can't believe you're such a space head. You've got too many bloody fairytales floating around in there." She pointed at my head. "Wake up and smell the cologne, woman. You are surrounded by hot young men! Bask in the glory of hotness!" she finished dramatically, arms outspread.

"Aysha, you're such a git." I laughed as we got into the kombi.

Tristan grabbed me playfully, pulling me to sit next to him. He slung his arm casually over my shoulder and started to chat with Brasil on the front seat.

"What's the joke?" Liam asked, eyeing us as we settled into our seats.

"Just trying to convince missy here to wake up from the fairytales and partake in some of the sins of the flesh." Aysha winked at him.

"Oh, she partakes alright," he looked pointedly at Tristan. "At least that's what it looked like last night."

"What, what happened?!" Brasil asked excitedly.

"Nothing," I snapped in panic. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I tried to ignore the comment in the silence that followed. All attention was now on Liam and me. I couldn't believe he was mentioning last night in front of everyone. I'd made a point of only talking to Aysha about Tristan's random come-ons. And now Liam was airing it for all to hear. I glanced at Tristan who was going a bit pink and squirming in his seat.

"Oh c'mon, Sam. Nothing to be ashamed of, I'm just sorry I interrupted such a romantic moment." He grinned, but his eyes were hard and piercing. He looked over at Tristan, who tried to disappear into his seat. "Just don't think that will cure her of her obsession with Prince Charming though. Sorry, mate."

I glanced up at Aysha in panic and scrabbled to divert the attention from last night's encounter. "Prince Charming?" I asked, ignoring his earlier remark about Tristan.

"Oh come on. I think we all know who I'm talking about. I can't believe you women sometimes. You're so busy waiting for Prince Charming to come riding in on his white horse and rescue you that you miss out on what's right in front of you." His eyes bored into me. "Especially when the Prince in question is too busy _studying_." He drew quotes in the air with the last word.

Silence hung as everyone listened in. I think they were as surprised as I was about the venom that dripped with every word. I couldn't think of a single witty retort.

_Why is he bringing this up again? And why is he being so bloody mean?_ I searched my mind for something to come back at him with.

"Yeah, well, at least I don't shag my roomies then kick them out when I'm done with them!" I bit out finally.

Oh God, that was awful! _My hand flew to my mouth._

Liam's face went white. I could feel the blood rising to my face.

_Argh, this is such a wrong time to blush._ _Well_ , _he deserved it_ , _didn't he?_ I thought weakly.

We stared at each other for a long moment before Aysha interrupted.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, this is getting a little heavy, people. Breathe! Were on holiday! Sam, chill." Aysha put her hand on my arm as I turned to stare out of the window.

The car started and we bumped along the beach road in silence. Once we'd come to the bitumen a couple of the gang started up again and soon conversation was flowing all around me.

Neither Liam nor I spoke another word.

*

"What is his problem?" I howled.

We were back in our hostel room getting ready for another night out. Aysha looked at me quietly for a couple of seconds before replying.

"Are you really that thick, Sam?"

"What're you going on about?"

She shook her head and let out a big sigh.

"He's completely gaga over you, you twit. Has been ever since you guys were in high school, by the sounds of it."

This was definitely not the answer I was expecting.

"Are you serious? Did you hear what he said to me? The guy is being a total bastard! Ok sure, my comment might not have been the nicest," She raised her eyebrow, "Okay it was pretty crap. But I didn't really mean it and he totally deserved it after all that Prince Charming rubbish!" _Not to mention talking about Tristan in front of everyone._

"I think he's just hurt that you'd hook up with Tristan." She held her hand up as I opened my mouth to protest. "I know, I know you haven't. But he thinks you have and people in love are irrational."

I stared at her, stunned. "What did you say?" _Did she just say in love?_

"You heard me. You can be so thick when you want to be. He's been dying for you for like, ever. Even the way he talks about you is so damned obvious. Don't you see those puppy dog eyes following you around?"

I was floored. My mind flicked through the years that I'd know him, all the way back to high school. We'd always spent so much time together. He was always helping me with my homework, even though I was a straight A student. And, of course, we had the after school program together and all the events and seminars that Mr Fish would take us to. I guess he was around a lot, but that was because we were best friends. We'd both even gone out with different people back then, so how could this be possible?

"I don't think so, Aysh. He went out with that Nicole girl for almost a year when we were seniors."

"You mean that half-Malaysian girl who was with you guys in that after school geek program?"

"Advanced ITC." I corrected.

"Whatever. Remind you of anyone?"

I blinked at her in confusion.

"Then there was...who was it again? Nicoline! Yeah Nicoline. At university right? The one you guys shared the flat with? Long brown hair, short, web designer...you told me you had the same dress size and would borrow stuff off each other?"

"So what?"

"Ugh!"

She exhaled and flopped down on the bed next to me. She took hold of my shoulders and looked intently into my puzzled face.

"You really don't see any similarities between all of his former girlfriends? I could list a few more for you, but I think you might be a little thick. And then there's the last whatshername..."

"Sarah? But she was..."

"Practically your twin. Just with a few more layers of gloss."

I shook my head in slow confusion.

She went on gently. "My dear, slow little friend..." she paused dramatically, "...he was obviously only settling for your doppelgangers!"

"What?" I stared at her incredulously before trying again, "I...that's ridiculous!"

Nothing else came out. _Liam?_ I ran through his girlfriends in my mind and started to see what Aysh must have seen all along. They were all basically the same type – shortish with long dark hair, pale complexions. _Oh God, could it be?_ Or, a more rational explanation would be that he just had a type and always went for the same thing. I just happened to fall into the same category. I shook my head, refusing to believe Aysha.

"No, it's not. Besides, even if my doppelganger theory is completely off. That it's all some great big coincidence. It's damned obvious to everyone, other than you, that he's head over heels, barkers, madly, deeply in love. And what happened this afternoon was probably because he finally snapped for some reason."

"I...do you really think so, Aysh?"

She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips as I started to believe her.

I didn't know how to deal with this new information. I'd never really thought of Liam any other way except as my best friend. The one I always ran to for everything from stupid high school insecurities to the whole sobbing mess of Max. It's not like I was blind to his good looks and the fact that he always had a bunch of girls after him, but I guess I just never considered it seriously.

"Look, Sam, I know this comes as a shock to you. Although, God knows how someone who's allegedly so smart can be so thick, but maybe you should think about giving it a go? You guys would make the perfect couple!" she announced happily. "But first, you'd have to apologise for that line in the car. Super bitchy. He looked like you'd slapped him in the face."

She left it at that and we finished getting ready in relative silence. I was already mortified by my last words to him and now this just made everything a thousand times worse. I had so many wild thoughts jostling around in my head I don't know how I managed to get my make up done without looking like a total clown. I stood in front of the mirror looking at my made-up reflection, wondering if I'd really been so blind all those years.

When we joined the rest of the group for drinks at the local pub, I didn't know how to behave around Liam. I wondered if I should apologise to him then and there, but couldn't bring up the courage to approach him. He still seemed upset about our argument that afternoon and pretty much avoided me all night. I don't think I could have managed a single intelligible sentence even if he did try to talk to me. I watched in silence as he flirted and danced with Karina, both of them getting more and more smashed as the night wore on.

I tried to keep up with the conversations around me, but just found myself looking around for him in the pub.

"Earth to Sammi?"

Aysha came and stood right in front of me.

"Babe, I know it was a bit of a doozy, but you've got to stop staring at him. It's creeping me out. Now blink, drink this and have funnnnn!"

She handed me a tequila shot and waited until I brought it to my lips before also taking one herself. She slammed the glass onto the bar top and shook her head. We heard the opening notes of a popular hit song and she screamed out, "Oh my God! I love this song!"

Aysh grabbed me and dragged me to the dance floor as the tempo of the song ramped up. That did the trick and I finally snapped out of my mood to enjoy the rest of the night. We ordered more tequilas, partied like champions, and found our way back to the hostel just as the sun was rising.

*

We were all worse for wear at the breakfast table.

Tristan and Eddie had their heads on the table, while Brasil lay on the low patio wall beside us. Aysha and I were sipping coffees, slouched in agony against each other. Dark sunglasses were essential accessories as we nursed our hangovers. I was moaning into my coffee when I looked up to see Liam and Karina stroll out of his room. She was wearing last night's outfit and a big smile. He saw me watching.

Was that a momentary flicker of guilt I saw?

"Morning all!"

_How could he be so damned chipper?_ I witnessed him down three Flaming Lamborghinis in a row. I was right there with the group doing the same stupid thing.

"Too loud..." Tristan whispered, lifting his head momentarily off the table.

"I see you two partook of those sins of the flesh we were talking about?" I tried to make it sound like a joke, but it just came out lame and jealous.

What the hell was that, Sam?

I smiled to cover my embarrassment, but could feel the tell tale blush blooming on my cheeks. I was rewarded with an angry stare from Liam and a confused smile from Karina.

"Hey, who's up for a hike up to that church behind us later?" Eddie piped up to try and break the tension.

"Sure, maybe I can try and atone for last night's sins, eh Sam?"

I blushed even more, trying to disappear into my chair. He raised his eyebrow briefly, but let it drop when I stayed quiet.

We spent the rest of the morning in quiet recovery. I drank copious amounts of water to try and chase my headache away, with little success.

After lunch we all trooped up to visit the little church. It sat on the hill behind the hostel, in a beautiful little olive grove overlooking the bay. The group broke up in different directions and I found myself wandering around alone. I loved the different textures and colours of the dry landscape. I ran my hands across the rosemary bushes and lost myself in thought as I wandered.

I strolled around behind the church and came across Liam sitting on his own on a huge boulder, head thrown back, basking in the sun.

He does have lovely hair. It almost glows in the sun.

I winced. _Where the hell did that come from?_ I sounded like a lovesick teenager.

I couldn't decide whether I should approach or leave him in peace and was dithering as he opened his eyes and saw me watching him. There was nothing for it, but for me to smile and walk towards him.

"Hey," I managed steadily as I sat down next to him.

"Hey."

And then silence.

He wasn't going to make this easy for me. I took a deep breath and soldiered on.

"I'm sorry, Liam. About what I said yesterday...Sarah...I mean I was totally out of line..." I floundered around for the right words to apologise with, but they just got more and more jumbled up. A thick silence fell between us until he finally sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry too, Sam. Sorry I've been acting like such a child. And I shouldn't have said that crap about Tristan. He's a nice guy, I guess...I don't know, I get a bit over protective when it comes to you." He pursed his lips ruefully.

I smiled, a little unsure what to say. "Thank you." It came out a little above a whisper.

He sniffed. "And I guess that line about Max was out of line, but I just hate to see you beat yourself up about that creep. He's just not...what you think he is..." he drifted off as he turned to look at me.

I watched his concerned face and started to feel little butterflies take flight in my stomach. His clear blue eyes searched me for something I didn't quite understand.

"I'm really trying to forget him, Liam. It's just a bit harder than I thought. Every time I think I am, something comes along and knocks me off course. And I know you don't like it, Liam. You're...concerned about me. You've always been such a great friend." His face closed over.

No, wait, don't shut me out!

"I mean, we've always been close. You're always...helping me..." I finished lamely.

"Yeah, best mate Liam, always to the rescue, eh?" His eyes dropped down to his shoes as he fell silent again.

I searched my mind for something better to say and found myself blurting, "So Karina, huh? You guys seem to be getting along?"

Lame, lame, lame!

He looked up, his eyebrow raised. He searched my face again for a beat.

"Yeah...she's great. And just for the record, we didn't...um... _do_ anything last night. She passed out on the bed next to mine after I had to drag her back from the club. She was throwing up in the alley and could hardly walk."

More silence.

"Oh!...um...okay." Why did that make me feel so relieved? I drifted off again. _Think of something!_ "But she's a nice girl though." _Brilliant._

"Yep. It's nice to meet someone so...nice!"

_Great conversation we're having_. I can't remember ever being this awkward with Liam. We could usually talk without pause, waffling on about anything. Why was it so hard now?

"Oh. That's...nice"

I gave myself a mental head smack for that little gem.

I heard a weird hissing sound which gradually grew louder and louder until I looked up in alarm. Liam was holding his stomach, the laughter bubbling out of him until he doubled over.

"Oh....Sam...We're such losers," he managed between chortles.

I smiled, his laughter was infectious.

"...nice!..." He snorted. "...is that all we can manage?"

"Yeah, pretty intense conversation we're having," I joked and nudged him. He nudged me back and let his laughter loose.

It was great to see the happy Liam again, the one that could laugh til he cried. Actually if he continued the way he was, he'd be doing that any minute now. I let him go at it until there was just silence between us. I leaned on his shoulder out of habit and he let out a long sigh as we watched the sun set over the bay.

*

That night only Aysha, Eddie, Liam and I went out to dinner. The others had decided to go straight from the walk to a beach party hosted by a friend of the hostel owners. Aysha and I had wanted a shower and decent meal first and the boys stayed behind to keep us company in the restaurant.

We opted for the local pizzeria just minutes from the hostel. It was a hole in the wall with rickety tables and mismatched crockery and cutlery, and the most incredible flat crust I'd ever tried. Even Liam had to agree.

"Wow, now that's praise. Liam's family owns the best Italian restaurants in Australia." I beamed proudly as I took another bite of the heavenly slice.

"I don't know about Australia, but Queensland for sure," he corrected modestly. "But yes, this is pretty damn amazing. I won't tell Nona if you don't." He winked at me from across the table.

I could feel a faint blush creep onto my cheeks and quickly picked up my iced tea to take a long steadying sip.

Aysh watched me, a funny, crooked smile on her face.

"So can you cook then, Liam?" Eddie asked while I gulped down more tea.

"Well, yeah. I grew up in the kitchen with my Mum and Nona constantly chopping, peeling, frying, boiling. They used to sit me on this high stool in front of the bench to watch the action. I used to love listening to them argue and gossip their way to these incredible meals. I was their little helper, so I guess I was bound to pick some of it up."

"So why didn't you go into the family business then?" Eddie asked.

"Well, much to Nona's disappointment, I fell in love with computers instead. I hope I can help out with the family business one day, maybe fix our ancient systems, but I don't think I'll be stepping foot into the kitchen."

"Which is a great shame," Aysha interrupted, "Liam's gnocchi is ridiculous. I could have buckets of it!" she gushed.

"Yeah, and it's not even his best dish. He's magic in the kitchen!" My voice rose in enthusiasm. I snapped my mouth shut and tried not to grin.

Liam's eyes were on me as he glowed from the praise.

Aysha laughed then tried to disguise it with a cough. "I swear, Liam, with those magic skills of yours, you're going to make some lucky girl a very happy wifey one day." She glanced sideways at me and tried to keep a straight face. Her mouth twitched with the control.

I flicked my eyes at Liam then back to Aysha, willing myself not to blush. Liam coughed.

"So, you want to go back to Oz then?" Eddie brought the conversation back.

"Yep, hopefully sooner rather than later. I just need to get enough experience to open my own firm." He picked up his wine for a quick sip before continuing. "Anyway, enough about me. Eddie, you're the world's best mechanic according to the girls."

Eddie jumped straight in and described the journey that he and Tristan had been on with Starter. We finished our meals swapping travel stories and sipping a bottle of crisp white Chardonnay that Eddie had ordered.

We joined the others at the beach party just as it had started to heat up. People danced to a live salsa band, their feet kicking up the sand. Karina and Brasil were in the middle of the crowd laughing while he taught her how to follow his lead. I looked around and saw Tristan chatting up a pretty blonde and her friend close to the bar.

"C'mon boys, let's show them how it's done!" Aysha tried to pull a reluctant Eddie to the dance floor, but he shook his head saying he needed another few drinks first. Liam agreed and followed him to the bar.

"Oh well, just you and me, chica. What's new?" She pulled my hand and ran to the dance floor. "So, how's things?" she asked winking mischievously.

I smiled, but ignored her. Thinking instead about all these new feelings I was experiencing. What was going on with me? I went through all these years blind to my best friend and now I couldn't even look at him without blushing. He had saved me those long months ago, with his kindness and strength. I could still feel the relief and comfort his presence gave me, how that horrendous hole in my heart would close briefly as he hugged all my demons away. How could I have missed the glaringly obvious fact that he was not only a wonderful man, but a gorgeous one to boot? But I couldn't risk ruining our friendship, it would be a mistake to follow my feelings this time. Was this just another fantasy that I was creating and Liam was the latest Prince Charming candidate? There was a chance that it would it all go horribly wrong when he turned out not to be 'the one'.

I looked over at Liam and felt a small rush of happiness as I watched him throw his head back in laughter. At that moment he turned his face to me and we locked eyes for a second. I blushed and whipped my head toward Aysha before the redness spread too much.

She leaned over and whispered into my ear "Just ask him to dance. If you don't, I will."

I bit my lip then straightened my shoulders. _Do it_ , _Sam!_ I motioned for Liam to come and dance with me, waving him over with a smile. He pointed at himself in a " _Me?"_ gesture. Eddie grabbed Liam's drink and pushed him towards the dance floor. He finished it for him before slamming the glass on the bar and following Liam towards us.

I watched as Liam walked hesitantly up to me and said, "Hey."

Wordlessly, I grabbed his hands and started to move to the music, showing him the basic salsa step. He picked it up quickly and soon we were swirling around the floor. He impressed me with his control and even threw in some of his own moves, twisting and turning me around as I squeaked and laughed in delight. I forgot everything, but his hands on me as we swayed, stepped and spun. I was having the most fun I'd had in months.

The tempo of the music slowed and we found ourselves in a sea of couples. He hesitated, but then chose not to let go of me and I in turn decided to just go with it. I chewed on the inside of my cheek nervously as he pulled me closer. _Keep calm, keep calm._ Little, butterflies took flight in my stomach as we followed the languorous rhythm of the band. I let my eyes close and leant my head down on his chest. I heard Liam exhale slowly, squeezing my hand lightly.

The song ended too quickly and the band struck up another fast beat. The spell was broken, but I couldn't help the happiness that spread out from my belly, up to the very tips of my fingers and toes. We danced 'til late into the night and silently watched each other in the van home. I bit my lip and turned to the window when I couldn't stand the intensity in his eyes.

At the hostel everyone dispersed to their rooms, while Liam walked me slowly back to mine and Aysha's. She'd long disappeared with Eddie, so I was alone with Liam as I tried to put my key into the lock. It took a couple of goes, but I finally managed to steady the shakes long enough to turn the key and open the door. I swivelled around and looked up at him, my stomach twisting in knots.

_I don't know if I'm ready for this!_ I thought desperately in the charged silence. He suddenly dropped his head towards me.

Oh God!

He kissed me softly on the cheek then whispered, "Buonanotte, cara."

I exhaled slowly. "Goodnight."

He straightened and gave me a crooked smile before wandering back to his room. I couldn't help grinning as I stared at his retreating back. My face burned and I had to shake myself before walking through the door to close it behind me.

That night there was no midnight visit from Tristan and I fell asleep happily, hugging my pillow to me.

****

### Goodbye

"Meet you out there 'kay? I've just got to find my blue bikini top," I called out over my shoulder as Aysh made her way to the door.

"Hokay, just don't take too long. Eddie's got Starter up and running and you know we shouldn't waste that miracle."

Aysha skipped out of the room with beach towel in tow. I fished around under the bed until I finally found it sitting on my backpack.

"Interesting view," I heard a familiar voice say behind me. I felt my heart stop.

It couldn't be?

"Max?!"

I jumped up too quickly and was rewarded with a full head rush. It took a couple of seconds for the ringing to stop.

"What are you doing here?"

Max sauntered into the room, a designer weekend bag draped over one shoulder. He came over quickly and wrapped me up in a hug. I was thoroughly confused.

"I missed you, baby!" he whispered.

The thought flashed through my mind that this is what should have happened when I arrived at Heathrow six long months ago.

"I called your Mum to see where you were and came out as soon as I got a flight. I was hoping you hadn't moved on from Ios when I got here. She said she'd last spoken to you about a week ago."

"I don't understand?"

A part of me was ecstatic to be in his arms again and another was outraged that I would even let him touch me. He broke the hug and took my face in his hands.

Oh no, don't!

I froze as he slowly leant his down, his mouth coming closer and closer to mine. I quickly turned my head to the side and the kiss landed on my cheek.

"Sam, what the hell is taking you..." Liam ran into the doorway just as Max was pulling back from me. I quickly broke away from him to face Liam. I was pretty sure I was the colour of a ripe beet by now. The last thing I needed was Liam having the wrong impression of what just happened. I started to say something, but Max cut me off.

"Oh, hey. Liam, isn't it?" he draped an arm over my shoulder as he extended his other hand to Liam. "Long time. Didn't know you'd be here."

Liam's eyes bored questioningly into me, his jaw muscles working furiously. _It's not what it looks like!_ I screamed silently. For an instant I thought he wouldn't answer, but his manners won over. He shook Max's hand briefly. "I could say the same about you." He glanced quickly at me.

"Anyway, Sam, Starter's up and going so we better head off. Unless you're not coming with?" Liam waited for me to answer for only a beat before abruptly leaving us alone again.

"Starter?" Max raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Our kombi. Well, Eddie and Tristan's...Long story. Anyway, we're heading to the beach, do you want to come? Drop your stuff on my bed." He looked like he was about to say something else, but I cut him off, "Did you bring a beach towel?"

He nodded and pulled one out of his bag. I led him out to the kombi where I introduced him to the surprised group. He didn't receive the warmest welcome. Aysha practically growled when Max said "Hi", but I bravely headed off any awkward questions by babbling incessantly about the weather, the parties and any other inane subject I could think of.

We spent the day out at the beach, but the cheerful atmosphere was gone. Liam kept his distance and wandered away by himself to a deserted stretch of the shore. I watched his figure disappear and felt a tug on my heart.

I felt uncomfortable with Max there, as if he was invading our happy little family. His carefully put together style, which had been part of what attracted to me to him, looked great in big city London, but here on this tiny island he only managed to look contrived. The trendy cargo shorts and crisp white linen shirt just screamed designer tropical and contrasted sharply with the tatty old surf shorts, sarongs and tanks that were the standard uniform in the group. Despite all of this, I couldn't deny the fact that there was a small, frustrated part of me that still wanted to be with him. My heart beat faster when he sat near me and I raged with myself as I fell back into old habits of dreaming about the 'what ifs'. In the meantime my head screamed at me for being so weak.

" _He treated you like dirt!" my head argued._

" _But maybe he's really sorry about it, he came all the way out here to find me," my heart answered._

" _So did Liam."_

" _What's that got to do with...oh!"_

" _Sorry, just had to throw that in."_

" _Anyway. Max. Maybe it was just all a misunderstanding and..."_

" _What?" my head interrupted, "That he really didn't mean to dump you by email as you arrived? Or maybe he accidentally dumped you - that's twice by the way - that morning after he slept with you 'just to see if he could'?"_

After a long pause, "But it would have been such a nice fairytale to tell our grandkids..."

" _C'mon, you can't be serious?!"_

I spent much of the day with the inward argument raging while I put on a smile and tried to follow the conversations around me. I didn't want to be left alone with Max in case I did something I'd regret, so I made sure there was always a third person, if not the whole group, around.

By the end of the day I was exhausted by my confused feelings and from keeping a safe distance from him. I'd successfully avoided alone time, but was tormented by that small romantic voice in my heart that fought and wailed for me to accept him again. I couldn't believe that it was that easy for him to come into my life and turn it upside down. Why couldn't I just forget him and move on? Actually, I still didn't understand why Max was here at all.

And Liam. I'd finally seen a glimpse of what Aysha had been trying to tell me and even though I still wasn't sure what I wanted from him, I wished that I could have the time to figure it out without Max crashing in and mixing my feelings up. I couldn't stand that Liam wasn't with me now, helping me sort this out, but of course that wasn't possible. I couldn't understand why life would be so unfair to throw all of this together.

I was still trying to figure it all out when we arrived back at the hostel. We walked to our rooms and had an awkward moment in front of our door as Max tried to come in with me. Aysha was too quick and pushed her way past him, treating him to a dirty glare as she grabbed his bag and shoved it at him. She retreated and flopped down on the edge of the bed, her arms crossed. He paused, looking upset, but got the message and said he would go and book another room. I closed the door and rested my forehead against it. Aysh got up and put her arm around me.

"You ok?"

"No. I have a headache. Completely confused about all of this. What the hell is he doing here, Aysh?"

"I don't know, Sam, maybe he's bored. Who knows, but...I hope you're not thinking about going back to him?" She waited for me to answer, and when I stayed silent she yanked me up to face her.

"Sammi!"

"I know! No, I don't know. Oh God, Aysh, why am I such a mess? I thought I was getting it together, I was over him. It's amazing in some sick way that he can just stroll in here now and still mess me up. Does that mean something? Maybe we really do have some connection that I shouldn't ignore?"

"It means your hormones are responding to him."

"Aysh."

"No, I mean it, Sam. I know that you believe in all of this destiny and fairytale stuff, and believe it or not, I do too. But this, this is just you reacting to something that is long gone. You loved him and it's natural for you to still have some of that left over, for you to react strongly to him. But don't mistake it for some...some connection that you need to obey. If he really was your destiny, he would not have treated you this badly. I refuse to believe that a soul-mate would be able to crush his partner into millions of little pieces without so much as a flinch."

My mind knew that she was making sense, but it was taking a longer time for my stubborn heart to see it.

"And Liam..." It came out just above a whisper.

"Sam, you can't think-"

"-about Liam right now. I know, I'm trying to separate him from this, but the fact is he's become a part of the equation." I knew that I had to clean out the wound that Max had made in my heart, wait for it to heal completely before I would let Liam in, if I let him in. Otherwise it would be allowing a new love to grow in contaminated soil.

"But why is Max here...now?"

"Now doesn't make a fig of difference! Understand me? He still did those horrible things to you! He's still an ass!"

She shook my shoulders as my face grew longer with every word she said. _She's right, she's always right._ I sighed heavily before crumpling and hugging her.

"You're right, Aysh. Most of me knows it. I just hate that I have this little piece that doesn't. That still loves him."

"And you will always have that part with you, Sam. He was a big love, probably one of the biggest you'll ever have, but you have to let the rest go."

"That's just it. I guess I just have trouble letting go of what we could have been. Even you said it was a beautiful story, before...before I landed in London."

"And before he stomped on your heart and chucked you. Twice!" she said vehemently.

I sighed and fiddled with my bracelet in the silence. "I've wasted so much of my life on him, so much time that I won't get back. Hours of crying, thinking, wishing and hoping. The things I could have been doing instead." I threw my head back and groaned. "Why are we so attached to this...this idea that we _have_ to be with a certain man. It's like my mind grabbed on to him...with these iron claws that dug so deep it was impossible to let go. I was stuck on him and he barely acknowledged I was alive. Kinda funny when you think about it."

"Funny? More like tragic."

I squeezed my eyes shut, I knew what I had to do. I looked down and stared at the little hearts on my bracelet, caressing them before slowly unhooking the clasp. Aysha watched as I put it down gently on my side table.

"Wow, that feels...lighter." I took another breath and let it out sharply, "This is it. Time to move on. I can't do this to myself anymore." I felt a determination seep into me. The worst of it, the wrestling, the indecision, was over. I felt a strange calm wash over me and let my shoulders drop.

Aysha stepped away from me and I managed to smile weakly. She looked worriedly into my eyes but then saw something that changed her expression. She smiled, squeezed my shoulders then went to unpack her beach bag, leaving me to my new thoughts.

I believed what I said and as difficult as it was, I knew it was time to let go. Let go of Max and let go of the fairytale that I had built us up to be. I just had to find a way to tell him. I hated the thought of that conversation and tried to work out how I would even begin.

"Sam, dinner is in half hour," she reminded me as she stepped into the shower.

*

We went out to a lovely little seafood restaurant in the village, our group taking up half of the tiny restaurant. I made sure Aysha sat between Max and me, managing to go through the whole dinner with only the formalities. I didn't trust myself to speak to him before having 'the talk' and I wanted to do that in private.

As was routine by now, we ordered wine with dinner and by the time dessert was finished everyone around the table was back to their cheery selves, with the exception of Liam, who sipped his wine quietly and avoided looking at me. I tried to catch his eye a couple of times, trying to communicate silently what was going through my mind, but he stubbornly looked away and spoke to every other member of the group instead.

I abstained from the wine, even though I could have used the dutch courage, I wanted to be clear for what was to come. Unfortunately I didn't have the opportunity for a long while.

After dinner we moved the party to a local club and they continued to drink, getting more and more inebriated with every hour that passed. Aysha ended up on the stage again and was far beyond smashed when I decided I was just going to have to wait until tomorrow to speak to Max. I had enough and marched out. I walked through the labyrinthine streets and made my way to the hostel alone. About halfway up I heard footsteps rushing up behind me and turned to face whoever it was. I hoped with all my heart it would be Liam.

Max.

He was weaving his way quickly through the alley, occasionally bumping off the walls like an errant pinball. He came up and swayed into me, holding me against the wall. _Ugh!_ I could smell the alcohol as it flowed out of his pores, his head only inches away as he rested it against the wall. He stayed unmoving for so long I thought he'd passed out. As much as I tried I couldn't push him off me.

"Max...Max!"

"Shhhh, I just wanna hold you."

I leaned as far away from him as possible and resigned myself to his embrace. He brought his hands up and started to run them up my waist, whispering endearments in my ear.

"Max, stop it!"

I tried pushing his hands away, but he just ignored me. He grabbed my face between his hands and kissed me roughly. I tried shoving against his chest, but I would have had better luck with a brick wall. My head was locked in his hands and my protests were smothered by his lips. I could hear the sound of more footsteps coming up the alley and prayed it would be Aysh so she could help me. The steps grew louder until I could make out the person who was hurrying towards us.

It was Liam.

No!

I didn't want him to see this, but it was too late. He came to a stop a few meters away, the shock of seeing us there was clear on his face. He kept very still. _Why did this keep happening?_

I bit down hard on Max's lip until he yelped back in surprise. "What the hell, Sam!"

"Liam!" I gasped out.

Max swivelled around, keeping a possessive hold around my shoulder. We all faced each other in silence.

"Sorry to interrupt. I'll just be on my way," Liam spat out.

"Liam, you weren't-"

But Max cut me off. "Very kind of you, Bennet. Run along now."

The muscle on Liam's jaw twitched as he threw Max a dirty look.

"No, Liam, don't, plea-"

He gave me a heart wrenching glare mixed with pain and disgust. I prayed silently that he would let me explain this scene. "Ah, I don't think you need an audience, Sam. You go ahead and enjoy yourself."

I started to stretch out my hand to him, but the next instant he took a step back and marched quickly out of the alley. Before I could call him back, Max spun me around to face him again. He grinned as he trapped me between his outstretched arms. I flinched from his beery breath.

"Max, you're drunk."

"True. But not completely smashed. I can still see how damn beautiful you are."

"Max-"

"No, listen to me. I made a mistake back in London. You scared the pants off me. I mean you got really heavy there, babe."

"Heavy?"

"Yes, heavy. You obviously wanted something really serious."

"I thought that's what you wanted too. What about 'never feeling this way before'?" I threw his words back at him.

"It's true, baby, it was all new to me. But you know, you just freaked me out by coming over."

"We talked about it for months!" My voice grew stronger as I became more frustrated with the conversation. "Don't tell me you didn't know."

"Shhhh, no, no, no. You've got me wrong, babes. Of course I knew, it was just full-on, you know?"

No, I didn't know. All the times we spoke on the phone and planned our future together, him telling me how much he missed me and that we were meant to be. How could he change his mind, and not bother to tell me? My mind screamed, but the words didn't come out.

"I thought that's what we wanted, Max? All the hours we spoke about our future together. I moved countries for you."

"Exactly! And I just didn't know if I wanted to...close the door to other opportunities just yet."

"Opportunities?" I had a sudden flash from all those months ago in Cambridge, Aysha asking if there was another person. The picture was becoming more clear to me now.

He ignored my question and went on, "Look, my life is like a fruit orchard..."

What?

I wondered where this could go.

"...and you, you are like a beautiful apple tree. And I was walking around this orchard looking at all the other trees and thought, why should I limit myself to only one fruit, why not sample all of the orchard?"

"You're comparing me to a fruit?"

"A fruit _tree_!"

Oh right, the orchard.

I stared at him to see if he was being serious and was completely floored when I realised he was. _What planet was this guy from?_ I couldn't believe he was the same man that I'd been in love with for so long.

"Oh my God, Max! Stop! What am I supposed to do with that? Just have the guts to say it for what it is! You just wanted to stay single so you could sleep with as many 'opportunities as possible and you didn't want me around to spoil it!" I bit out.

As my temper flared, I could hear the blood rushing in my ears and my heart thump as all the hurt and frustration flowed out of me. He tried to interrupt, but I cut him off.

"No! Let me finish. I have no idea why you're here, maybe you've run out of 'opportunities', but frankly I don't really care. I dropped everything, my whole life in Australia for you. I moved to London only to be dumped by email? On the day I arrive!" He winced as I pushed him away, adrenaline giving me the courage to keep going.

"And then you sleep with me because 'you just wanted to see if you could?' What kind of idiot would I be if I went back to you? Do you even realise how awful you've been?"

"But, Sam, I told you. I realise I was not the nicest..."

"Not the nicest? You were a horrible...selfish...bastard!"

I can't believe I just said that! Wow, that felt good!

"And...you know what? I really don't care why you're here again. I was going to be nice about this and try to explain to you why I couldn't be with you, but hopefully you're intelligent enough to know why. I'm just sorry I wasted so much time hurting and wanting you so damn badly." I took a steady breath and finished as calmly as my wildly beating heart would allow me. "You're...you're just not who I thought you were. " I started to turn away then remembered something. I fished around in my pocket and found the bracelet. I shoved it at him, not caring whether he caught it or not. "Goodbye, Max." I spun away from him, ran down the alley and back to the hostel.

I was relieved he didn't try to follow me. It gave me time to rage and vent alone in my room as I got ready for bed. I couldn't believe that I had lived with blinders for so long. How could I have even thought that he was the one!

Opportunities!

I wiped all my makeup off roughly, cleaning my face until my skin glowed pink. I wanted to wipe any trace of the last year from me, to reverse time and believe it never happened. I'd wasted so much on him. I took a steadying gulp of air and looked at my face in the mirror.

You did it!

Out of the rage grew a strength and calm that I wasn't expecting. I was free of Max and of the broken dreams that had followed my every step. I let the corners of my mouth curl slowly upwards, feeling a relief course through me as it turned into a wide open grin. My eyes shone and I knew I'd done the right thing. I finished in the bathroom and climbed into bed, expecting an easy sleep.

But I was wrong. Despite the newfound calm, images of the scene in the alley kept replaying in my brain. My mind flicked to the moment when Liam appeared, staring in confusion at me as Max kissed me. The pain that I had seen in his eyes tormented me. Each time his image came into my dream I woke up and tossed until finally I fell asleep again briefly. The pattern repeated itself endlessly through the night. It was only around sunrise that I finally drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

*

I woke up to a bright sunny room, physically and mentally shattered. I knew that I had to find Liam and explain what happened last night, but as I lay in bed staring at the roof I just couldn't make myself get up. I was tired of all the drama and wondered whether it was all worth it. Whether the men were worth it. _Why did it have to be so hard?_ It should be simple, a woman loves a man, he loves her and they should be able to live their lives with some semblance of peace and harmony without shredding the other to bits with games and deceit.

Maybe I should just become celibate, put myself in a Buddhist nunnery and find some inner peace.

I thought seriously about it for a second, seeing myself with a shaved head and robes, before bursting out in laughter.

I really must be frustrated.

My thoughts turned to Liam. I couldn't risk losing his friendship over this misunderstanding. Of course, I would have to find him and beg for him to understand what happened. I sprang out of bed and rushed into the shower.

I marched determinedly to Liam's room and knocked on his door, trying to calm my fluttering heart. I had rehearsed a speech in the shower and was mumbling it quietly as I waited for him to open the door. I knocked again and stepped back.

"Liam. Please open up, it's Sammi. I just need to talk to you. Please." I waited again, then knocked a third time. No answer. I'd just have to wait until he came out, or maybe he was already at breakfast. I hesitated, and then turned to go.

I came out into the sunny dining room, not surprised to find it so quiet.

I spotted Aysh and Eddie sitting at our usual breakfast table, sipping their coffees. I flopped down next to Aysh and leant my head on her shoulder.

"Morning," she whispered hoarsely.

"Ugh."

I looked over to Eddie who had his dark sunglasses on and was rubbing his temples in savage circles.

"I'm never drinking again," he moaned to himself.

Both Aysh and I snorted in unison at him. We'd said the same countless times, always swearing off the drink on the morning after, but as soon as it was party time it all started again. Interesting how our minds are so quick to forget the tortures that we put our bodies through.

"Bloody bartender gave out free Flaming Lamborghinis again."

"It would have been rude to refuse," Eddie finished off Aysh's statement.

"Anyway, where did you go?"

I didn't want to repeat the whole story in front of Eddie so just mumbled something about being tired and wanting to get home to bed early. We went back to silent contemplation and suffering, all of us too unmotivated to even grab some breakfast.

Slowly the rest of the group trickled out, each looking worse than the last. I waited nervously, but neither Liam nor Max showed up. After a while someone noticed and asked where they where.

"Ummm..."

All eyes turned to Eddie as he furrowed his head in concentration. He looked like he was having a hard time remembering something.

"Wait. Oh yeah, that's right. We saw Max take off last night as we were getting back."

"We did?" Aysh looked confused, but then shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah. He said he had an emergency surgery or something and had to get back home ASAP." Eddie went back to silent contemplation, the effort of his speech was too much. He slumped forward and put his head down on the table.

"And Liam?" I tried to ask nonchalantly, only just managing keep my question from sounding too concerned.

Aysh, in tune, as always, with my moods watched me quietly. No one answered and we all went back to silence.

Where is he? Still sleeping? Or maybe gone for a walk?

We stayed at the table for quite a while, each lost in our own thoughts until finally some of the group started ordering breakfast. With food and drink, they perked up and conversations started again. I couldn't eat a thing. I knew I should, but my stomach was in knots about Liam and I just couldn't make myself order anything. I sipped on my bottle of water as I grew more and more frantic about Liam's whereabouts.

Finally I couldn't take it any longer and got up to ask the front desk if they knew where he was. They told me he had checked out early that morning and had taken the first ferry out.

_So, that's it. He's gone_.

I felt a heavy disappointment settle on me as I realised I wouldn't get the opportunity to explain what he saw last night. I went back to my room and lay down on my bed, tears silently falling down my face. I wiped them away, but more followed as I stared at the ceiling, my mind a whirl of memories and conflicting emotions. Aysha came in a while later and sat down on the bed next to me. She stroked my hair while I cried my heart out and stayed quiet even after I'd stopped. She listened as the story of last night's disaster tumbled out of me.

When I'd finally stopped, she exhaled slowly. "Max or Liam?" she asked simply.

I sat up and sighed heavily. "Liam," I whispered.

She made a small face and shook her head. Stupidly I could feel more tears falling down my cheek and tried to wipe them away.

"Oh sweetie." She wrapped me up in a tight hug and rocked me gently until the tears stopped again.

"I feel like such an idiot, Aysh. Why did I even let myself get that close to Max. Sometimes I just don't understand myself."

"Don't try, Sam. We all do stupid things when our hearts are involved. And it's not like you were going to let him do anything, Liam just had really bad timing."

"And I'm never going to see him again," I stated simply.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Sam, you'll see him in London. You just have to give him some time."

That was a huge part of the problem. I knew it was going to be almost impossible for me to give him some 'time'.

"All men suck!" I stated vehemently.

"Yep, and we still fall for them."

I sniffed in the silence, contemplating what Aysh had said. Why was I always twisting myself into knots about these men who didn't seem to care less about me? And when I did find someone who was worth it, why did I always find a way to mess it up?

I just had to get away to think, it was all getting too mixed up in my head. I grabbed my iPod and told Aysha I was taking a walk. I made my way up to the church we'd visited, finding the boulder that Liam and I had chatted on only a couple of days before. I sat there for hours, looking out over the harbour as the ferries came and went.

I started to dissect my past relationships, looking for clues that led to their destruction and saw a pattern emerge.

It dawned on me that I had a dangerous tendency to run away with my fantasies of a happy ever after without checking what the reality of the situation was. Any man that I had the slightest connection with would immediately be fitted into a perfect "Prince Charming" mould and I would then daydream incessantly to see how our fairytale would pan out. I would push and pull on him like a piece of dough until I managed to squash him into the perfect form, stubbornly ignoring the little bits that stuck out.

I'd even been guilty of imagining how the wedding would be after the first conversation. Inevitably though, the initial buzz of a new relationship would give way to a sour reality where my Prince was in fact not my ideal 'perfect man' and I would be left disappointed. It really wasn't fair to the unsuspecting guy.

I had to break the habit, it was destructive and would forever get me into trouble. Although it was unlikely at this point, if I ever was going to start another relationship I was going to have to learn to appreciate what I had and just take the man for what he was.

But did I really want all the roller coaster emotions and sleepless nights that love brought? My life had become so chaotic. I spent too much time daydreaming and worrying about the men in my life and really had to sort my own life out first. I had been on a great career path in Australia before 'Comet Max' had come along. I'd been knocked off my trajectory, distracted by possibilities and sugary dreams. And as exciting as these travels were, I began to feel that I'd done enough for now. I had changed in the last few months and I would always treasure the good and the bad, but I knew it was high time that I pulled my socks up and got on with my life.

As I watched the sun setting over Ios, I made my mind up – it was time to leave. Time to sort out my life, forget about failed relationships and concentrate on myself for once. Maybe love would come sometime further down the line, or maybe it never would. The thought was not a happy one, but I couldn't help feeling defeated. Without a doubt I would have to repair my friendship with Liam, but that would take as long as he needed. And that would be only if I could make him understand the truth of what he saw. I would have to leave it to him to decide what to do next.

I picked my way down the darkened path to the hostel feeling lighter, with a determination I hadn't felt in a long time. I found Aysha reading on her bed. She put her book down and smiled at me.

"What?"

I sat down on the bed opposite her and smiled back.

"I think it's time to go home." She watched me silently for a minute, reading my face.

"To London?"

"To Oz."

She let out a big sigh. "Ahh. And Liam?"

I smiled ruefully and shook my head. She pursed her lips, then smiled again. She nodded silently.

"When?"

"Day after tomorrow."

"Ok. We'll have to confirm our flights to London and call David so we can get our stuff back."

"You don't have to come, Aysh. Stay on with the gang, Mykonos sounds fun."

She snorted in response. "Don't be stupid, Sam. I'm not staying on here without you. I've just about had enough anyway."

"What about Eddie?"

She laughed, "Eddie. He's lovely, but we both knew it was just a fling. Just fun, Sam. Nobody's getting their heart broken."

"Are you sure? I know you have real feelings for him and I don't want you to follow me then regret it later."

"One hundred percent, Sam. I do like him, a lot. And I think he feels the same. But this can't go anywhere while we're travelling like this anyway. I want to get some stability again. Besides I might just see him again in the U.K. Are you sure about Liam?"

I nodded. "Don't worry about it, Aysh. I'm a new woman. Time to move on with life, forget about men for a while and have some me time."

Aysha got up and gave me a long hug.

"You know I'm actually thankful that Max did this to me. "

"What?" She pulled back and stared at me in confusion.

"Well, if he didn't, I never would have met you." I smiled. "You're the best part of all of this."

She tilted her head and watched me in silence for a beat. "I guess that's one way of looking at it." Then a broad grin answered my smile. "Thanks, Max," she shouted upwards, "for bringing me Sammi!"

I laughed and joined her. "Thanks, Max!"

"I guess you can be thankful to him for bringing us to Greece also."

"Yep. I have a lot to thank him for."

"But I can still kick his butt if I ever see him again?"

"Yes, yes you can." I hugged her again. "I'm so lucky to have you, Aysh."

She stepped back and grinned at me.

"Yes, you are." She winked.

I smiled, exhaled sharply then straightened up. "Time to get off this rock, hey?"

*

We said our farewells to our new found family at the harbour, each of us openly crying and hugging each other, promising to keep in touch. I tried not to watch as Aysha and Eddie stood apart from the group to say their goodbyes. None of us wanted to intrude and gave them their space. As much as she brushed it off, I knew she had grown close to him and would miss him when we left.

They came back to the group holding hands and smiling. I squeezed her shoulders as she leant into me, I felt rather than heard the long sigh that escaped from her. This was going to be hard on all of us.

With a final wave to the crew Aysh and I turned our backs on the island of Ios and started our journey home. We took an overnight ferry back to Athens and boarded our flight to Heathrow early in the morning.

As we reached our cruising altitude, I sat and stared out of the small window, watching the clouds. The giant fluffy mountains glided by silently as I contemplated the events of the past few weeks. So much had happened, so much drama and also so many wonderful experiences. I played the highlights in my mind, smiling as memories of the crew's antics bubbled up. The nights spent in drunken conversation, dancing on bar tops and pushing Starter to life. The mess of the last few days with Liam and Max.

One thing for sure was that I'd finally gotten over Max. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. As I thought back to yesterday afternoon by the little church, I couldn't help but think that I was firmly on my journey to becoming the person I really wanted to be. I'd left a part of me behind on that beautiful island, but the space it left was filled with all my precious memories and experiences that I would always hold with me.

****

### The End

We arrived in mid afternoon in Luton and had to rush to pick up our things at the pub before making our way to London.

"Thank you so much, Susannah. Sorry we can't stay. I've really got to get my act together in Oz. Time for me to grow up, I guess."

Susannah grabbed me in a big hug. "Don't worry about it, we understand. Besides our newbies are shaping up to be really good. Not quite like my favourite ANZAC dream team, but good enough." She winked.

"Was so good to see you again. Give our best to David, okay? Sorry we didn't get to see him this time." Aysha stepped up and hugged her also.

"I will. You girls take care. And, Aysha, let me know if you ever want to come back this way, eh?"

We nodded and struggled with our things towards the cab.

"Wow, that was weird. No work and no Maia."

"Yeah, I know, Aysh. So much happened here, it was home for a while. I can't believe how lucky we were to find David and Susannah, I don't think anyone would believe half the things they've done for us. But now it's time for the next chapter, hey?" I sighed.

We'd booked a cheap hostel in the outskirts of London that we could both stay in while we made our separate arrangements. The room was small with mouldy carpets but was the best we could afford on our remaining budgets.

"I can't say that I'm going to miss all of this living out of a backpack crap." I huffed as I threw my pack on the bed.

"Yeah, it gets old, eh? I can't wait to get back into a room of my own for a while, unpack for longer than three days. Oof, this bed is mucho lumpy."

"So what _are_ you going to do, Aysh?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it and I think I want to go up to Scotland. There're some stunning estates up there, probably work in a hotel or something. Live the country life again for a while."

"Yeah? That sounds really nice. Wish we'd spent more time up there."

"I know. I can't believe we didn't make it for more than that trip to Edinburgh. Although that was a pretty memorable weekend. Remember that crazy Scottish bagpiper guy. What was his name?"

I laughed. "Peter. He was so smitten with you!"

"Haha, yeah right. He knew me for all of 24 hours. Crazy. Anyway I looked up these old castles that they've renovated, it's like being in an Austen book or something."

"So jealous," I interrupted.

"Hah, not jealous enough! Anyway, I've still got more than a year on my visa left so I feel like I have to use it up, make it worth it, you know?"

"Yep, I feel like I'm wasting mine a bit, but I just want to get back home." I wanted to escape, lick my wounds and try to forget all this madness. "I have no idea what I'll do when I get there, but that's nothing new. Fly by the seat of my pants."

"You'll be fine, Sam. You always land on your feet, remember? Just get back there first and it'll all come to you. If not, you can always come back here and join me at the castle!"

*

The next day I went out to a travel agent on the high street and bought a ticket. It was the cheapest one going, with four stops along the way before I would fly into Brisbane. I now had a couple of weeks in which to pack, close all my accounts and prepare to go home.

I was stepping out of the travel agency when my phone rang. After fishing around in my bag, I finally pulled it out as it stopped ringing. _Typical._ The screen said I had missed one call from Maia. I dialled her number and waited for it to answer.

"Hey girl! Welcome back to sunny London."

"Hey Maia, sorry I just missed your call. What's up?" I dodged a customer trying to walk into the agency and made my way down the street.

"Just checking if you'll still be here for my house warming? Not this Friday, but the next. You got the email right?"

"Oh ya, got it. Sorry we haven't replied. Just been crazy-busy trying to sort things out. We'll both be there with bells on. I just booked my ticket and I leave the day after."

"Woohoo! Not the leaving part, but the bells part of course. Can't wait, it's going to be fun, fun, fun. Full fancy dress yeah, don't disappoint me."

I laughed. "Well I'll have to see what I can scrounge up after doing the big throw out session."

"Hah! I'm sure you'll figure something out, you creative little thing. Or you could always come in your birthday suit?"

"Oh God, is it a horror theme?"

"Shut up. I'm sure my mates would love to see that!"

"Haha, I don't think I would though. I'll come up with something."

"Good, listen I've got to run, chicky. See you next Friday!" She put on her serious manager's voice before laughing and ringing off.

I walked further down the street to a small internet café where I promised to meet Aysha. She was staring blankly at the screen with an expression I couldn't decipher.

"Aysh?" I sat down next to her and put my hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

She exhaled slowly and closed her eyes. "Yeah. Better than I thought I'd be."

"What is it?"

She looked up at the screen again and answered quietly, "Marc...is having a baby."

"Oh."

"Yeah." She paused, chewing on her lower lip. "I just got an email from the au pair people. They were just saying hi and had to tell me how excited the kids were about having a little baby cousin to play with soon."

"Wow, nice of them to tell you." She snorted at my sarcasm. "How do you feel?" I watched her face worriedly. I hadn't heard her talk about Marc in a long time and wondered if she was over him.

"Actually, not so bad. I'm glad this all came out after Greece. You know." She turned to me now. "I think...yep, I think I'm actually okay."

"Really?"

"Well, it's not the greatest news, but it kind of hammers the last nail in, doesn't it? A blessing in disguise." She sighed and smiled shakily.

"Oh, Aysh, that's exactly the way you should be looking at it. You can finally move on from this."

"Yup, and good riddance!" She hugged me quickly and blew out a breath. "Argh! Anyway, all booked?"

"Yep, leaving Saturday night, 21st. Cheapest, but longest way home."

"Fun."

"Yeah, can't wait. How about you? Find anything good up there?" I nodded towards the screen.

"Not in Scotland, but up in the Lake District. This one." She clicked on a link and it opened up onto a page showing a beautiful castle on the shores of a large lake. Photos of lushly appointed rooms and sweeping gardens dotted the page. "It's a hotel looking for bar staff. It's kind of massive."

"Oh wow, it looks amazing! You'll be in your very own Austen."

"I know. I sent an application in, so we'll just have to wait and see."

"I'll cross everything. Wish I could come with you."

She turned to me and scoffed. "No, you don't."

"Well, maybe a little bit. But no turning back now! I'm leeeeaving on a jetplane." I sang the last line as I got up from the chair. "I'm going to grab a drink. Want another?" I pointed at her empty coffee cup.

"Yep."

"Be right back."

I ordered our coffees at the counter and stepped aside to wait for them to be served. A magazine rack to my right caught my eye and I sauntered over for want of a better thing to do. As I walked closer, a poster on the wall above the rack stopped me in my tracks. It was a photo of a little white church on a scrubby hill overlooking a gorgeous azure bay. A large ferry was coming into harbour, which was surrounded by pristine white houses. The text above the picture read "Visit Beautiful Greece."

My mind flashed to that afternoon when Liam and I sat on a rock beside a church just like that one.

I have to talk to him.

I took my phone out and hesitated before dialling his number. I held my breath as it rang a few times, not quite sure if I was more relieved or disappointed when it went straight to voicemail.

"Um, Hi, Liam. It's Sammi here. I guess you know that. Anyway. I...I just wanted to see how you're doing. Um, to see if you wanted to...talk. I just really need to explain, I mean...what happened the other day...it was-"

" _Beep!"_

_Bugger._ I contemplated calling him again, but gave up, throwing my phone back into my bag.

"Latte and a skinny-chino!"

I stepped back to the counter and grabbed our orders, giving the girl a quick smile of thanks.

I wondered if Liam was every going to speak to me again. I couldn't accept that this was it after so many years of friendship. For it all to fall apart over a series of misunderstandings was just sad.

"Here you go." I placed Aysha's coffee next to her notepad.

"Thanks, Sam. Hey, I just saw that email from Maia again. We should tell her we're coming."

"Done. She called earlier. We've been ordered to be in full costume, or else."

"Huh. Great, now I have to start hunting a costume down."

I sighed heavily.

"It's not that bad, Sam. Just fancy dress."

"No, it's not that. I just tried calling Liam."

"Ah, didn't go so well then?"

"Answering machine."

"Hmm. You should give him a few days."

"Yeah, I guess so," I exhaled. "Men. Are we ever going to stop having these problems?" I laughed and shook my head in exasperation.

"Probably not."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

She chuckled. "Kidding. I just can't believe we have so many issues. Between us we could fill a whole book about angst and misguided love."

"You're telling me. Anyway, let's stop talking about it." I stood up with my latte. "I have a date....with my suitcase. See ya back at the hostel, 'kay?" I kissed the top of her head before heading out.

Now that I had my ticket sorted, I wanted to start my packing as soon as possible. I didn't want to be rushing around on my last days in London.

*

"All packed?"

Aysha came in carrying two mugs of tea and surveyed the chaotic debris on the floor. I'd been packing half-heartedly for days now, trying to decide what to keep and what to give to charity, but just couldn't seem to make a dint.

How did I get all this junk?

I'd arrived in London over six months ago with a suitcase and a shattered heart. Now I was preparing to leave, heart on the mend, but carrying a backpack, an enormous case plus the boxes I was mailing home. I didn't want to even think about the overweight charge I'd be slapped with. It would probably be more than the cheap ticket on the budget airline I was flying home with.

I couldn't understand why the last day before leaving was always so chaotic. My to do list seemed to grow by the minute, the additional tasks fast outpacing any items I'd managed to tick off. Sitting stubbornly on top of it all was 'Pack', which, judging by the mess around me, looked like it was staying there for a while longer.

"Yeah right! Where did all this junk come from, Aysh? I swear it's all mushroomed on its own!"

Aysh watched in mild amusement as I continued to add to the giant "keep" pile on the floor. I pulled more and more clothes out of the old suitcase and shopping bags while the "Charity" pile remained pitifully small. Curse the fantastic sales on Oxford high street! I didn't even remember buying half this stuff. I'd been indulging in a little too much retail therapy in the last few months, mindlessly shopping to try and make myself forget the Max drama.

I still hadn't heard from Liam and despite my brave resolution to ignore men for a while, it really stung that he didn't even bother to come and say goodbye. After all our years of friendship I'd expected a bit more from him. I'd tried calling him again to explain what happened, but he wouldn't answer my calls. I thought that he just needed some time to cool off, but was almost two weeks now and he hadn't said as much as "Hi". So much for being in love with me, I guess he got over that pretty quickly.

The worst part of it was I missed him, badly. A feeling of loss had crept in without my knowing and now sat heavily in my heart. Not the sharp desperate loss that I'd felt for Max, but a deeper, more fundamental feeling of having a piece of myself missing. Memories of years of friendship and comfort, of time spent confiding our fears and aspirations, moments of joy and loss flowed through me. I couldn't turn my brain off, it just kept running through all the memories of us like a cheesy home movie. An endless stream of images flickered in front of my eyes while I tried desperately to block them out. Images of Liam laughing, holding me when I wailed about Max, my head on his shoulder when we watched the sunset together in Greece, and other snatches of the times we spent together kept playing in my mind. I bunched my fists up and pressed them to my eyes to try and stop them, but it just made it worse.

Life's not fair.

"Argh! I need a break. Pass me that cuppa, will you?"

"I've got a surprise for you." Aysha watched as I took a slow sip and raised my eyebrows at her.

"Oh really? Tell!"

"Promise you'll wear it tonight."

"What is it?"

"Just promise!"

"Alright! Jeez! What, what, what?"

I gave up and nodded my head. She ran to her cupboard and pulled out a large shopping bag, which she threw on the floor next to me. She impatiently motioned for me to open it, watching closely for my reaction.

"Oh my God! Where did you find this?"

"Isn't it lovely? I found it at that crazy vintage shop down the road. It's real silk!"

I wrapped the scarf around my shoulders and admired it in the mirror. "Oh wow, Aysh, its gorgeous. It's perfect for my costume." It was a deep rich scarlet, with long fringes that had little glass beads on each end. They tinkled softly as I turned to admire it. The weight was perfect as it slid down to rest on my elbows.

She knew my love of scarves came a close second to my love for earrings. Now that I think about it, half my case was all the lovely collection of scarves and wraps I'd accumulated in the last year. I gave her a big hug and thanked her again for her gift.

"Since we're doing presents." I reached around me to my handbag and pulled out a small wrapped parcel. "Here's yours. Hope you like it."

She grinned as she ripped the wrapping off and opened the little box. "Oh, Sam, they're beautiful." I'd bought her a pair of gold drop earrings, each with a tiny emerald hanging on the very tip. She held them up to her ears as she admired them in the mirror.

"I'm glad you like them." I smiled then paused as I looked at her face. "I'm going to miss you so much, Aysh!" We wrapped our arms around each other and hugged fiercely.

"Ok, ok enough. You're going to make me cry again." Aysha pulled away from me sniffing loudly. "Besides, you'll forget all about me after a few weeks."

"No, I won't. You'll always be my favourite crazy dance partner!"

She laughed and moved to leave. "You've got exactly four hours to get all of _that,_ into those!" She pointed from the floor to the collection of boxes, case and backpack in the corner. "And then it's party time!" With a whoop she ran out the door, leaving me with my mess.

I sighed and flopped down to keep packing.

*

"Welcome to my crib!" Maia threw open the door dressed in a tight lycra body suit and a glittery black mask. Her pointy ears wobbled as she hugged us at the same time, one hand stretched out so as not to spill her drink. She stepped back and tilted her head.

"Let me guess, Sailor Moon aaaaaaaaaaaand...belly dancer?"

"Gypsy!" I answered. "It's the best I could do with meagre bits of unpacked wardrobe."

Aysha snorted and rolled her eyes. I elbowed her sharply.

"Whatever darling, you both look gorgeous! Come in, come in!" Dance music was blasting as we walked through her hallway. She tottered ahead, her tail just skimming the floor as she swished her hips sexily.

"Hey cat girl, how in the world do you manage to walk in those stilettos?"

"It's all about balance, dahling. Besides, this outfit demands hot black heels, Sammi. Meow!"

The party was in full swing. Everyone had obeyed and come in costume, ranging from simple masks to a full Darth Vader outfit. Her small living room looked like a sexed up sci-fi convention. Superwoman was flirting with Dracula in one corner while a French maid was making out with Indiana Jones on the brown leather couch. Some chatted and drank while others danced in whatever space they could find.

"We brought you some Smirnoff." Aysha handed her the bottle. "Happy housewarming, chica!"

"Thanks, girls, that'll definitely come in handy soon. Drink?" She gestured to her right to a small buffet table set out with bottles, mixers, plastic cups and a clear bowl of melting ice.

Aysh nodded.

"I'll just have an orange juice, thanks Maia."

She raised her eyebrows at me then shrugged. She started pouring as she talked. "Hokay, express tour, this is the living room, obviously. Straight ahead is the kitchen," she used her chin to point it out, "first door behind me is my room, the left of it is Malina's and down the corridor is Chiara's. You're welcome to wander around and explore for yourself. The girls won't mind. They've just stepped out to get some more ice, but should be back soon."

"It's lovely, Maia."

"Yeah, well done." I smiled. "And the stairs?"

She turned to look in the direction I pointed at. "Now that is the best part of this place, rooftop garden. I'll show you in a sec. But first," She motioned towards the kitchen. "I want to get these chips open. Hang on for a second 'kay, I'll be right back."

Aysha and I sipped our drinks and looked around the room, watching the strange characters interact.

"Sam, was there any mention of a bathroom in that speech? I've been dying since we left the hostel."

"Um, don't think so. Maybe Maia's room?" I guessed. "Just ask her."

"Ok, be right back."

I nodded and swayed to the music. "Take your time."

As she walked away the doorbell rang. I was closest to the door so I popped my head into the kitchen and asked Maia if I should get it. She was in the middle of pouring out more snacks and giving Aysha directions.

"Please! And show them the bar!"

I hurried out. The bell rang again just as I pulled the door open.

"Okay, okay, I'm..." The smile froze on my lips.

"Sammi?"

It was Liam. With a girl draped over his arm. I felt my heart lurch and took a deep breath to steady myself. He'd come dressed as a pirate, complete with a black eye patch and stuffed parrot on his shoulder. The girl was in some kind of kinky nurse outfit that left very little to the imagination. Legs a mile long, honey blond hair halfway down her back and a blinding smile.

What is he doing here? He brought a date?

Liam looked as surprised as I was but was first to recover. I finally managed to smile, but time stood still as I looked into his eyes. We continued to stare until it became an obviously awkward moment for his date. She raised her eyebrows as she looked from me to him.

"Liam." I croaked.

Good start.

"Hey, Sam."

A couple more seconds of silence followed.

Think of something!

"Come in!"

Brilliant.

I stood aside to let them pass and took a steadying breath before closing the door. I walked behind them not knowing what else to say. As we entered the living room I finally found my voice.

"Drink?"

I didn't wait for them to answer and spun around to find the bar, realising too late it was in fact on the other side of the room. Maia came out of the kitchen just at that moment carrying a tray laden with chips and dips. She squeaked "Liam!" and dropped the tray onto a nearby table. She ran up and gave him a big hug. "Thank you so much for coming!"

I took the opportunity to quickly turn around and squeeze my way through the group. I was frantically pouring out vodka and orange juice before I remembered I hadn't even asked what they wanted.

Whatever, they'll drink what I give them!

By the time I'd wandered back Maia had disappeared. I handed them each their glasses.

"Thanks...Um. Sam, this is Alexis. She just came in from Melbourne a couple of days ago..."

Well, he works fast!

"Oh, hi, Alexis." I extended my hand politely which meant _blondie_ had to disengage herself from Liam to take it.

Oh God, she really is gorgeous!

In fact, as much as I hated to admit it, they looked amazing together.

"Hi, Sammi, I've heard all about you!"

She has?

"So nice to finally meet you. I'm so excited to actually be here! Leelee's been trying to keep me entertained, so it's been non-stop for us!"

I bet! Wait, Leelee? Nicknames already?

I turned to look at Liam who only nodded in response and took a sip of his drink.

"Right, nice to meet you, Alexis. Okay...so...enjoy the party!" I couldn't take the awkwardness of being around them anymore and escaped into the kitchen to hide. Aysha followed me in.

"You ok, hun?"

"He brought a girl."

"Evidently."

"She's stunning!"

Aysha only nodded in response.

"And I just acted like a complete moron in front of them!"

"Saw that." Aysha wasn't one to pull punches. "But, Sam, you're over men altogether remember?"

"I know!" I bit out a little too harshly "Sorry, Aysh. But...I just... This is so unfair!" I flopped down into a chair and stared at the tabletop. "I'm not supposed to be reacting this way, I just don't understand myself sometimes."

"I know you're trying to be strong, mature and whatever, but you're obviously smitten. So deal with it."

"Smitten?" I repeated then fell silent. _Smitten?_ Is that really what I was? Is that why I couldn't make myself think of anything else now that I knew he was only one room away? The years of laughter and secrets we'd shared. The way his strength had saved me when I first came here. The way my heart had lurched when I saw him at the door, taking in his bright blue eyes and eternally messy blonde hair.

Oh my God!

It had been creeping up on me stealthily and now hit me with full force. The obvious truth that had been lurking in the corner of my mind for so long.

_I love him_!

A steady all encompassing love that had seeped through my entire being and wrapped me up in a thick cloud of wonder _. I really love him_. And I had no idea what I was going to do about it now _._

"Aysh! I think...I'm in...love with him!"

"No kidding."

I looked at her in shock.

"What? The answer is pretty obvious from where I'm standing. I'm just amazed it's taken you so long to get to this point."

"But this is awful!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm leaving! Oh and minor point, he hates me!" I couldn't help, but wail the last bit. A bit melodramatic, but I was in that kind of mood. I couldn't see how this situation could get any worse.

_He brought a date._ Oh, right _._

"He does not hate you. He's just rightly pissed off about seeing you throw yourself at Max again." She put her hands up when I started to protest. "I know, it wasn't like that, but as far as _he_ knows it was. We've been through this a dozen times, Sam."

"And what if I tell him and he's totally over it?" I could barely get my voice above a whisper.

"Well, there is that chance," she said gently. "But the way I see it, you just have to admit you're totally in love with him and tell him how you feel –"

"Or forget about all of it. See this is the problem with falling for friends, either way it's never going to go back to the way it was." I let my breath out slowly. I knew the second option wasn't a real one, I'd never be able to forget what's already happened between us, even if by some miracle we became friends again. There would always be the uneasy memory of when we almost took our friendship further.

"Maybe you should just tell him then, get it out in the open, see where it leads?"

"Yeah, but how, Aysha? He's with _her_! What do you want me to do, drag him away from his blonde Goddess, say 'excuse me can I borrow your man for a minute' then tell him how I can't stop thinking about him, no matter how hard I try? Judging from his performance out there, I doubt he would even give me the time of day. I've been trying to talk to him remember, but he's made it quite obvious he didn't want to hear from me."

"Well, he's here now."

"Yeah, to show off his Goddess."

"Don't be ridiculous, Sam. Maia obviously wanted him to come 'cos she hasn't seen him for ages. She doesn't know anything about this drama remember. I doubt she told him you would be here, for all he knows we were still traipsing around the islands."

"Yeah, I guess so. Anyway it would be so icky to talk to him about this when his date is here. Not classy."

"Who says she's his date? For all we know could be another housemate." She sat down next to me. "Listen, it's now or never, hun. You're going tomorrow. You know you'll regret it if you don't tell him. I know you, it'll eat you up for ages."

I knew what she was saying was true. I would have it rolling around in my head for years. It was the not knowing for sure that would kill me. All the 'what ifs' and regret would mount up and simmer until I could vent it somehow.

Dammit!

I knew I was going to have to talk to him. I had no idea how I was going to tear him away from Alexis, but Aysha was right. It was now or never. Taking a deep breath I pushed myself up from the table and started for the door.

"Wish me luck."

I stood at the entrance of the living room and looked around for Liam. I saw him chatting to Alexis at the far end of the room. He was leaning against the doorframe, his body language protective as he listened to her intently. I was just taking a step towards them when I saw Alexis lean in and whisper something in his ear. He nodded to her and she jumped up, wrapping her arms around his neck to give him a kiss on his cheek. She looked ecstatic. My heart dropped.

I can't do this!

I flew around the side of the living room and up the stairs to the rooftop. I threw open the door and rushed out into the cool night taking big gulps of air as I oriented myself.

Maia and her friends had a small garden complete with a beaten up old couch and wilting herb patch. They'd draped fairy lights over the bigger bushes and had small lanterns scattered around the tattered carpet on the floor. Any other time I would have stopped to admire the simple beauty of the setting, instead I stared wild-eyed around me to make sure there wasn't anyone else up here. Thankfully it was empty and I went over to the edge to stare down into the street.

Deep breaths, Sammi.

I concentrated on calming myself as I watched people walking along the quiet road. I should have just listened to myself and forgotten all about men. It was too late for Liam, and I should come to terms about it. Besides, hadn't I already decided that I'd had enough of all the drama? I thought back to the roller coaster ride of the past year and wondered at how strangely it had all turned out. I came here looking for my Prince Charming and found a frog in his place.

And all those crazy weeks in the islands, the partying and drinking and, eventually, the learning and growing. Who knew how many of the new friends I would keep in touch with, but the experience of travelling with them would always stay with me and I had a store full of happy memories to draw on. It was those memories that I would have to focus on now.

It was time to go home, to work hard building my future and leave the playing until later. That definitely meant having a break from all men, including Liam. Yet, I had to admit I would miss my easy friendship with him. Miss being able to confide all of my secrets in someone I trusted so completely.

I was away with my thoughts and didn't notice when someone came to stand next to me. I looked up to see Liam, hands firmly shoved into his pocket. He also looked to be lost in thought as he stared straight ahead over the rooftops of Earl's Court. We stood quietly for a moment, it was almost like the old days. Eventually I sighed and turned my head to look at his profile. My heart started to beat faster. I had to get all of it off my chest, but he beat me to it.

"Aysh tells me you're going home," he spoke without looking at me, his eyes lost on the horizon.

"Yeah. It's about time." I watched his face, tracing his profile with my eyes.

His jaw ticked before he asked, "And Max, won't he mind?"

"Max? Liam...that's why I've been trying to call you. I wanted to explain what happened in Ios..."

"Don't, Sam. I got the message. No need to explain."

"No, you don't understand. What you saw was...I mean...I wanted..."

"Sam, I get it. You wanted your fairytale and you deserve that and so much more. You're an amazing girl. Woman. I think by now you know how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you," he paused and took a deep breath, "and that's why I stayed away all this time. I've been trying to make myself forget about it, give myself the chance to get over you." He turned to look at me now, I couldn't quite make out his expression in the darkness. "I wasn't expecting you to be here."

"So are you?" He didn't understand my question and stayed silent. "Are you over me?" I asked again quietly. I couldn't bear the thought, but had to ask him anyway. Maybe this was for the best, we could both move on from this and perhaps even recover some of our friendship.

"I thought I was...getting better," he whispered softly, turning to look out over the roofs, "I mean, it's been nowhere near long enough, but I thought I was...and now...seeing you again." He took a deep breath and let it out sharply. "I guess the only thing I can do is hope that Max treats you right...this time."

This is it, Sammi, you have to tell him the truth!

I could almost hear my heart as it beat a speedy rhythm in my chest.

"Liam, I told him to leave."

His eyebrows knit in confusion. "What?"

"Max, I told him to leave that night. He was drunk and he grabbed me, I was trying to get him off me when you ran into us. I was planning to break it to him all night. But I just couldn't stand that club anymore so I left and he found me. He came out with some drivel about trees and orchards, and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I finally let him have it, told him what an idiot he was, and how much he hurt me...and that _I_ was an idiot to even....," I knew I was rambling and from the look on Liam's face not making much sense.

His forehead scrunched. "You mean, you didn't...you're not...?" he stumbled quietly.

I shook my head and smiled back at him. He let out a long sigh. We went back to silence for a while, my heart raced in my chest. Finally he spoke again.

"Seeing you again, Sam, it...it...made me feel..." He trailed off into silence again.

It's now or never!

I took a deep steadying breath. "Like your heart would explode?" I finished his sentence.

He nodded.

"...And your breath caught in your throat when you saw me...and that you realised...a piece of a puzzle had clicked in place?"

He sniffed ruefully, but nodded again.

"...and that all you really wanted to do was to reach over..." I put my hand on his arm "...and..."

"Sam, what...?"

I shook my head at him and kept going, "...get as close to me as you could."

I pulled him gently to me, standing on tiptoe so I could bring my face within inches of his. I could feel him trembling with control as the confusion melted away from his face and hope started to dawn. I looked into his eyes as our mouths came within inches of touching. He searched my face questioningly, not quite believing this was happening. I smiled and closed the gap between us, kissing him softly. We were frozen in time, our lips just touching, sharing an electric warmth. I closed my eyes and let my whole world become the kiss as it held us.

His lips started to move, soft, questioning and heartbreakingly gentle. I lifted my hands and cupped his face to bring him closer. He grabbed my waist and pulled me tightly to him, a soft growl escaping him as the kiss deepened. A quick rush of electricity ran up my spine and left me tingly and weak-kneed, I had to grab him for support. I felt myself exploding with joy.

This is really happening!

And then I remembered something vital.

"Alexis!" I gasped and abruptly pulled away from him.

"What?" He looked at me in a confused daze.

_How can I do this?_ Liam came to the party with another girl and here I was making out with him on the roof.

_Very romantic though. Still! This is totally out of order!_ As much as I hated to I had to stop it before we went any further.

"Alexis, your girlfriend?" I rattled on quickly "Oh my God, I can't believe I just did that, not that what we have can excuse this, but still it's just so not-"

"-She's not my girlfriend."

"...right to kiss someone else's...what?"

"Alexis, she's my cousin. She just finished high school and came over for her gap year."

"I...but I saw her kiss you!"

"When?"

"Just now, downstairs. She whispered something to you and then grabbed you!"

Ok, so maybe the kiss was on the cheek, but it looked pretty intimate. I hated to admit that I was watching them, but I had to know the truth.

Liam laughed and pulled me close to him again. "I just told her she could move into the spare room. She was very grateful."

Oh.

He shook his head and gave me a crooked smile. "Jealous much?"

I slapped his arm. "No, just trying to be a decent human being."

He chuckled. Then his face grew serious. "But we do have a real problem," he paused as I looked at him in mild confusion, "you're leaving tomorrow?"

Oh my God, that's right!

I had completely forgotten about my flight. And all my plans for my career and stable future. I took a steadying breath.

_Time to get it right, Sam_.

It took a few seconds, but I already knew the decision I had to make. I pulled myself up and straightened my shoulders. I looked into his clear blue eyes for a moment before starting.

"I...have to go Liam. I need to go home and get my life in order. I've done a pretty good job of getting lost and I think it's time to set things straight again." I could barely bring my voice above a whisper. He stayed silent, watching my face as I wrestled with the words. I was faced with horrible prospect of another long distance relationship or, I winced as I thought about it, letting Liam go. "I can't...handle the distance again. I'm sorry." I wished I could tell him how hard it was for me, to finally have such a sweet truth revealed and then lose it in the same instant.

"Sam," he pulled my chin up gently until I looked up into his eyes, "I've loved you for a very long time." His words should have been sending my heart soaring, but all I could feel was a tightening as I prepared for it to shatter. "And I'm not about to lose you now."

"I can't stay, Liam. I love you and I care about you more than anyone else in the world. I think you know that, but...oh," I exhaled, "I made a decision in Ios to take care of myself." I rubbed my eyes in frustration. "It would be so easy for me to drop it all and stay here with you Liam. But I need to get my life sorted. I wish –"

"-Sam, stop. I know you've made stupid choices before and believe it or not, I'm proud of you for making the right one this time."

I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep the tears from flowing.

He sighed. "Sammi, all I ever wanted to do was to keep you safe, to see you laugh and for you to show me that beautiful smile of yours that breaks my heart. When I see it, it's like...it's like the first time every time. I've always wished that you would one day realise we should never have missed out on each other." He pushed my chin up again. "Sammi, open your eyes."

I shook my head, I couldn't do it. I did realise it now, but why did it take me until it was too late?

"What if I told you I was going back to Oz?"

My eyes flew open. "What? No, you have a fantastic job here, Liam! Don't quit because-"

"-I already did," he interrupted. He pulled my hair gently from my face.

I couldn't read his face. "What do you mean? You already did?"

"I gave my notice. Last week. I was offered an opportunity I couldn't resist back home. So I quit."

"But, but what are you going to do?"

"I'm finally setting up my own firm in Brisbane. And I've got my first client already, Dad wants me to redo all the systems for the restaurants. Totally up to date. I'm going to need to start on it straight away. So I leave next month."

"Are you sure?" I couldn't help feeling a small twinge of hope, but wouldn't let go of the reins until I knew it was all true.

"Well, it's done now." He chuckled.

I finally exhaled and allowed myself to feel the happiness rush through my body, from my chest down through my limbs until the very tips of my fingernails. An unbearable lightness spread through me, chasing away all the darkness and confusion that had been haunting me in this crazy year. I felt my mouth turn up into a huge smile.

"Well then, maybe I should extend my departure for a couple of days so we can celebrate?"

He grinned. "Only a couple of days?"

"A week tops. But I might need a little bit of convincing."

He raised his eyebrow. "And would this be convincing enough?" He leaned down and kissed me.

"Hmmm. Maybe?"

"Maybe? Ok, let's try that again." He deepened the kiss until my knees turned to water. His hands hand found their way to my neck and waist, holding me like he would never let go. I had to pull away to gasp for air. _Definitely_.

And we lived happily ever after.

Ok not really.

I don't really know that what will happen next. Whether he is my Prince Charming, or whether we'll even be together in six months, and strangely enough, I am happy with that. All I know is I finally made the right decision to walk my own path, take care of myself first and to my great surprise, love followed.

###

About the Author:

Soma Helmi was born and spent much of her life in Bali, Indonesia. Soma is an award winning filmmaker as well as a photographer, graphic designer and an art director. She also spends too much time on the internet.

This is her first novel.

Connect with Soma Online:

Twitter: <http://twitter.com/balibaby>

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SammiEverAfter

Smashwords: <https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/somahelmi>

