- And I quit school at ninth grade.
I had great marks, I was a smart kid
but I didn't care.
They weren't teaching what I want.
I didn't give a (bleep).
You it's important in life
if you don't give a (bleep).
It can help you a lot.
I'm an entertainer first and foremost.
But there's art involved here
and an artist has an
obligation to be en route,
to be going somewhere.
There's a journey involved.
The verge of failure that we're on
is because two wonderful qualities
that made us a successful
species, cooperation and competition,
are way out of balance.
We decided to quit radio
because we'll go to Hollywood
and become stars.
- He was an American comedian, actor,
social critic and author.
He's widely regarded as
one of the most important
and influential stand-up
comedians of all time.
He was known for his black comedy
and his thoughts on psychology, politics,
religion and various taboo subjects.
He's George Carlin and
here's my take on his
top 10 rules for success.
Rule number one is my personal favorite
and I'm curious to figure
out which one you guys
like the best.
Also as George is talking
if he says something
really meaningful to you,
really moving or inspiring
try to copy and paste it
into the comments below
and put quotes around it so other people
can be inspired as well.
- [George] I was a
victim of my own success
and I did some Ed Sullivan's I hate.
On those Ed Sullivan shows
I began to realize
not just there everywhere all these shows,
I didn't fit.
And here's what I was missing
I was missing who I was.
I began with a dream of being Danny Kaye
which is a very mainstream dream
it's very Middle America.
It's a people pleaser job
and I dreamed a path that was traditional
comedian, a disc jockey comedian actor
big success.
A mainstream dream.
Meanwhile what I really was was an outlaw
and a rebel because I had lived there got
that kind of life.
I got kicked out of
three different schools.
I got kicked out of the Air Force.
I got kicked out of the choir.
I got kicked out of the altar boys.
I got kicked out of summer camp.
I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts.
And I quit school at ninth grade.
I had great marks, I was smart kid,
but I didn't care.
They weren't teaching what I want.
I didn't give a (bleep).
It's important in life if
you don't give a (bleep).
It can help you a lot.
So I didn't give a (bleep)
and I was this kind of I was
a pot smoker when I was 13.
We broke the law, we broke
into cars, we broke into
offices, we broke into
Columbia University,
we broke into stores.
We did all sorts of unlawful things.
And I was that kind of person.
I was one who swam against
the tide of what is expected
and what is what the
establishment wants from us.
But I didn't know that about myself
because this dream blinded me.
This dream was about America
about the path that we
all follow, the middle of the road,
middle class America
mainstream will dream.
And being (mumbling) while
I'm sitting there like this
you know (bleep) those
people that (bleep).
Look at this stupid (bleep).
No I don't want to be in the bunny number.
Can I get out of the bunny number please.
I don't want to put on that uniform.
You know and and and I didn't
know this dissonance was inside me
and in the period this is happening all
through the 60s
the counterculture was forming,
the Free Speech Movement
started in Berkeley,
the hippies were growing into a force
and peace,
love, power, blow,
flower power,
pot smoking, anti-authorities.
Ding ding ding ding ding.
Anti-authority pro over the establishment
burned down the math building.
Wow ding ding ding ding ding ding.
So I gravitated toward that because
I was that person really
and
and the people I hung
around with were that way.
The musicians I knew in the late 50s
had gone through that transition suddenly
they look different and
their music changed.
And I'm listening to people
like the Buffalo Springfield,
I'm listenening to Bob Dylan
I'm listening to these
people there I realize
these artists are using their talent
to project their feelings and ideas.
Not just please people.
And I suddenly was able to see my place
and to realize I was in the wrong place.
You see in 1967 the Summer of Love,
the peak of the hippie movement I was 30.
I was entertaining people
in nightclubs who were 40.
And they were at war with
their kids who were 20.
There was a generation war.
I was in the middle of it.
I was 30, 20, 40
and I'm going what the
(bleep) am I doing over here?
These are the people that
will at least understand me
and give me a chance.
So it took two years I didn't go to the
mountain and come back different.
I didn't do a button down
I didn't do a whatever you those people
who just go away and
they're back new suddenly.
I took two years to change and it happened
on television.
So it was if I had I
denied that part of myself
and finally it came into full flower.
And I never became a really
big success until that.
I probably had 200 television appearances
by that time and I still wasn't realized
as a writer comedian as a comedian.
By that I mean I hadn't let myself grow
into that and and I found out later
I was more than just a comedian.
This was a turning point in my life
and it's one that people
should know about.
When I was a young boy I was a mimic
and I could imitate
people in the neighborhood
authority figures, teachers, shop owners,
other parents, cops on the beat.
And people on television,
I could do little
imitations there were largely imitations
of other people doing imitations.
That's how you learn to do Jimmy Cagney
you see another guy do it on stage
and you say oh, okay, and you copy him.
It's easier because they
point out the highlights
of sweet but neighborhood
stuff I I was kind of the class clown
in this in school.
And then after school I was
kind of like the neighborhood
wiseguy one one of the
neighborhood wiseguys
on the street corner.
And I would gather a little
audience because I would
put together little routines.
I had little parodies that I did.
I lifted things, everyone
steals from comedians
when they're starting.
So I would steal imitations
in Humphrey Bogart
and Jimmy Cagney and Peter Lorre.
And I would do fake commercials that I
had heard or read in Mad.
Well Mad Comics came
along a little bit later
there was another magazine
called Thousand Jokes
and I put together little routines
and and they would say,
"Georgie, hey Georgie
"do that thing about such"
and I would stand up and do it
and it would come out
differently each time.
And I developed this ability to
to stand up in front of a group of people
and get their attention
and get their approval.
That was important to me, apparently.
When I was a little kid I'd
go to my mother's office
and I and she'd say, "Imitate Mae West.
"Do the imitations, do the imitations."
And I would do the imitations
for the ladies in her office
and they would laugh and I noticed
I don't remember noticing this per se but
I must have noticed that this got me the
attention of adults.
'Cause don't forget I was alone
in that house most of the day
when I wasn't in school
I came home and I was alone.
I got the attention of these
adults and I got their approval
through their laughter.
They were more or less
saying good boy George,
good going, way to go, yes he's good,
he's cute, ain't I cute, ain't I clever.
That's what this job is.
So as a youngster I
wanted to be a comedian I
I was probably only eight
or nine or 10 years old
when I began to form an idea
that I wanted to be in the
movies like Danny Kaye
and like Red Skelton,
and be and I call that being an actor but
it was actually being a comedian.
And pretty soon I found
out the word comedian
and I want to be a comedian.
And when I graduated from eighth grade
the last thing I
graduated from by the way.
(laughing)
My mother asked me what I wanted and one
of the brothers at school brother Conrad
had told us that he can get a clergyman's
discount on cameras.
So I asked him if he
could get a clergyman's
discount on tape recorders.
Now this was five years
after the second world war
tape recorders had come
out as consumer items
but they were as big as a small Buick,
they were large they were like this big.
And you had to buy them in a showroom up
up above the street they were announced
a sale in stores.
I bought this big Webcore
long story and I'm
keeping it long that.
(laughing)
I used it I used it to do voices
and do little sketches and skits
and fake radio shows and fake
newscasts and commercials.
And I used it to more or less train
myself for the thing I wanted to do.
My mother was very progressive to have
bought me that as a graduation present.
I mean it she was a far thinker
to see that in me and go ahead
and foster that and reward that.
Even though she wanted
me she didn't want me
to follow it but she knew it was a
healthy thing for me to be doing.
- Why do you still care
enough to keep you're at a
point in your life where you could go
back you could do your month in Vegas
and Florence Henderson could
open up and you could go
and hit a couple of balls
and then some pinball.
Why you still care so much?
- Well I'm not comparing
myself to any of these people
believe me but you wouldn't say to
Picasso why are you going
to put those brushes down.
Get rid of the canvas, you've done it.
You know I'm an entertainer
first and foremost
but there's art involved
here and an artist
has an obligation to be en route,
to be going somewhere.
There's a journey involved
here and you don't know where
it is and that's the fun.
So you're always going
to be seeking and looking
and going and trying
to challenge yourself.
So without sitting around thinking of that
a lot it drives you and it
and it keeps you trying to be fresh,
trying to be new, trying
to call on yourself.
Calling yourself a little more you know.
Write everything down.
You have to write you have to write
write write write write write all your
ideas down and classify them.
My first boss when I was 18 told me that.
He said, "Find a folder
put your ideas on paper.
"Any idea you don't
think you can use it now
"if it seems useful put it down on paper
"and then classify it because
good ideas that don't mean
"anything unless you can find them again."
Yeah you can't go
through a pile of papers,
10 years old of notes.
You have to now you can use a computer.
I had before that I had
index cards and things.
You have to be able to
find race, religion,
business, government, politics,
men and women, sex you know all the.
And then those categories
you break them down
into categories.
So organize yourself.
I think being on this planet one of the
first things people would say if we were
all dumped down here let us say there
were only 10 of us.
And we were dropping into this planet
already formed one of the first things
we would say what after a moment or two
would be, "Is everybody okay?
"Let's get something to eat."
And that should be the first
thing any society says,
"Is everybody okay?
"Let's get something to eat."
And we don't because we have this
private property thing, property, property
rights over people's rights.
And I just think that
that competition got the
upper hand over cooperation.
This species was successful.
- And that's part of
the American experiment.
- [George] No as part
of the human species.
- The humans species.
- The the verge of failure that we're on
is because two wonderful
qualities that made us a
successful species,
cooperation and competition,
are way out of balance now.
Competition is everything.
Cooperation happens after a flood
happens for a few days
and everybody goes back.
(crosstalk)
Right, and we need we need to get
that balance back if we can get that
balance back there's hope.
- You've always been a planner.
- Yeah.
- You had this operation.
- Plans they call it.
- This optimistic attitude that if you
planned it well enough and you meant well
it's going to happen, you believe that?
- Well I would only plan
things I felt you know
that obviously that I
wanted and thought I was
qualified for.
But this is the good example
this career planning,
when I was a kid I said
well first I'll be first
I'll be, see
I wanted to be an actor I called it actor
because I saw them in the
movies and I knew they were
movie actors.
So Danny Kaye and these
guys I thought actor
okay okay so first I'll
be a stand-up comedian.
And don't forget when I
was a kid all the only
place stand-up comedians
worked was nightclubs.
Those kind of really more
or less sophisticated places
where where you saw in
the movies you know and
people danced and there was a singer
and there was a comic.
And and I never got into
those places I was too young
and it wasn't in my world.
So I knew about
comedians from radio and from television
later but movies when I was a youngster.
So I aimed at that and I thought well
the way to get there would be to first
become first get into radio,
that would be my first move.
Because then I could
practice using my voice
and I could learn to speak and do
a lot of these things without an audience
directly in front of me.
Which is the usual thing in radio.
They're not sitting in
the studio and therefore I
wouldn't be as nervous or afraid
and I could kind of
build up my confidence.
And then I could become
a stand-up comedian
because by then there were further
venues for comedians.
And I thought then I can
be a stand-up comedian.
And then I can go then if
I'm really good at that
then they have to let me in the movies.
And that was the way I looked at they had
to let me in the movies.
And that was the plan and
it became more sophisticated
as I got went through 13, 14, 15 years
and and started to actually think of ways
to go about it.
Don't take no for an answer.
If it's if it's not
working well that night
it's not you, it's the audience.
Blame it on the audience.
Because if it worked on Friday night
it ought to work on Saturday and
if it doesn't it's their fault.
It's over simple but you
know what it works as a
formula, just go on and
do the Sunday night show
and forget Saturday night.
Keep kicking them in the nuts.
You got to have luck in this world,
part of its your genetic
makeup, that's luck.
And then what you do with
it is also partly genetic
because hard work is genetic.
The desire to do hard work,
the willingness to work
hard and be determined and not be said
not be turned aside,
that's all genetic too.
It can be altered, it a little reinforced
but some of the people who
who had so much edgy promise
they died young I mean
Lenny Bruce, Sam Kinison,
Andy Kaufman in his way.
Freddie Prinze, John Belushi,
Bill Hicks
and it's just I don't know.
Of course Bill had a
natural disorder of his own.
I think so did Andy but but
it's not always behavior.
But sometimes it's just genetic.
(laughing)
But it's just that I think
there's a degree of luck and intellect
involved in giving up
things that hurt you.
That the drug and alcohol
thing it seems to me
comes down to this, drugs and
these things are wonderful,
they're wonderful when you try them first
they're not around for all
these millennia for no reason.
First time mostly
pleasure very little pain.
Maybe a hangover.
And as you increase and
keep using whatever it is
the pleasure part decreases
and the pain part,
the price you pay
increases until the balance
is completely the other way
and it's almost all pain
and there's hardly any pleasure.
At that point you would hope
then the intellect says, oh.
Oh this doesn't work anymore.
(laughing)
I'm going to die.
And I'll do something.
But you need people around
you who can help you
and you need something to live for,
you have to have something
to look forward to,
to bring you out you know.
There's are a lot of people who don't have
a lot to live for and
they're sort of stuck inside.
I was out of a job for
a while and then I got
called down to a Fort Worth
where another guy from radio in Shreveport
had moved on, a Sales Director.
And he wanted me for their
station in Fort Worth
so he brought me down there
so number one station.
I got the homework
shift seven to midnight.
Took all answered my own
phones, took all my own requests
and dedications.
And suddenly one day Jack
Byrnes showed up from Boston.
He says he says, "I'm
going out to give Hollywood
"one last chance at me."
That was his attitude which
is the way to look at things.
And he his tires were bald so he
luckily a news job had opened that day
and he got that job and he
was my nighttime newsman.
And you know the rest, we went
down to an after-hours comedy
joint which was really a coffee house
called The Cellar in Fort Worth.
And we did impromptu sketches every night
impromptu skits and two-man stuff.
And it was so successful we left radio.
We said screw this you
know we had great jobs
we were making like 300, 400 a week.
It's 1960 and we're in Fort Worth
a good market and we could
have gone on from there
but we decided to quit radio
because we'll go to
Hollywood and become stars.
Because we have this filthy act
that we did, filthy.
(laughing)
It was just and those
days filthy comedy was not
it didn't have a market for it at all.
And there we were how
naive but how wonderful
when you're in that age period
to just get in my newly
bought Dodge Dart Pioneer
(laughing)
with the tinted windows
and the AM/FM radio
and drive to Los Angeles on spec.
You know on speculation.
We had about $300 and
we got lucky out there
we got lucky.
I got lucky every time I turned around.
- [Man] Well when you went out there you
got a job at a club.
- [George] Yeah we well no
what happened was this first
we went out there and we
were looking to see how we
could get into show business.
We knew we had this act
we had written in the
daytime we'd write stuff and learn.
It's terrible so we would go to places
and look at other people
and we would hang around
Dino's on the strip and
figure Frank Sinatra
might come in.
We hung around the Brown Derby
one night and Rock Hudson
came floating through.
(laughing)
You know we just we were
just using up our money.
And one day we went back to the apartment
and the rest of our money had been stolen
out of a sock drawer.
Good hiding place George.
And we had no money.
So we thought well gee we
hadn't counted on that.
And we had vowed not to
work just to go straight
into show business.
We didn't want jobs none
of that bellhop stuff,
none of that car hop, none of that stuff.
Where we won't go into radio out there.
But what happened was the
only thing we knew was radio.
And the only we really felt we should we
deserved was radio.
The biggest, the second
biggest market in the country.
I mean it was sheer lunacy to expect to
just get into that market.
But we went (mumbling) we
went around we went first to
KFWB number one in the
market, top 40 station.
And they (mumbling) we didn't have tape
or anything, they didn't want us you know.
So we're walking along
we see this radio station
KDAY
right near Hollywood and Vine.
It's actually it's Selma and Vine
between Sunset and Vine
and Hollywood and Vine.
We walked in there and
that's where my star
on the walk is now out in Hollywood.
- [Man] Really?
- I had them put it
out in front of that radio
station it's kind of nice.
We went in there and they were
looking for a morning comedy team .
I mean it's just all luck
you know you just get
lucky and you're on a roll.
They were looking for guys like us.a
We did a tape for them, they loved us,
they called us the Wright
Brothers instead of
our real names they called
us the Wright Brothers.
But it did a big publicity campaign
ads in variety full-color
ads and everything
and put us on the air.
And here we are on the air about let's see
it would only have been about two months
after we got there.
And it was just sheer madness
you know there we were.
- [Man] That wasn't good enough for you?
- [Goerge] No no.
(laughing)
What we did what we did
was still work on the act
we're going to work on the
act 'cause this is only
a stepping stone you know.
And now we're making
about 500 a weekend each
you know that's good and we're great.
But we're practicing this act
after hours this was also a
daytime station by the way.
Even though it was a
50,000 water and had a big
signal out on the west coast,
it was a day timer.
And we went off the air at sundown
and in the studio we would work
on these routines we
were getting serious now.
And nearby about two blocks
away was a coffee house
that was the way for us to get in.
They were now coffee houses,
it was the era of the
beatniks and coffee houses
liked offbeat entertainment.
And we knew we could get in there
and and do our stuff for the owner maybe
and get a shot just get a hootenanny shot.
Get a single shot you know.
And we went over there,
he liked us and he hired
us for two weeks.
And we're still rehearsing
our act and a guy came
walking through the studio
because it was an office building
and you could see the studios on your left
and there were little offices here.
He was a song plugger, he
was a guy who used to do PR
for songwriters and
stuff and record labels.
And he saw us and he used to be
the road manager for Rowan and Martin.
And he says, "I think
you guys can make it."
You know so we gave him
he became our manager.
We went in this little coffeehouse.
They held us over for six weeks.
Lenny Bruce came in and saw us.
Mort Sahl came in and saw us.
And based on that Mort, Lenny Bruce
we got a contract with GAC
one of the biggest
agencies in the country.
They had New York offices,
Chicago and Beverly Hills
offices and we got into nightclubs where
we quit radio again.
We quit, we said, "Sorry about that
"we've got something to do."
And we went on and began a career
that worked out very well.
Two years together we
were on The Tonight Show
with Jack Parr that October.
We drove out of Shreveport in March
we drove out of Shreveport in March
and that October we were on NBC television
at night on the biggest
show for a comedian.
It's just stupid you know man.
(laughing)
But man it can happen.
(applause)
It can happen.
By the way, speaking of American values
aren't we about due to start
bombing some small country
that only has a marginally
effective air force?
(applause)
Seems to me
like we're a couple of weeks overdue
to drop high explosives
on helpless civilians.
People who have no argument
with us whatsoever.
I think we ought to be
out there doing what we do
best gang, making big holes
in other people's countries.
I hate to be repetitious
but God we are a warlike lot
you know, we can't stand not
to be (bleep) with somebody.
We couldn't wait for
that cold war to be over
could we, just couldn't wait
for that cold war to be over
so we could go and play
with our toys in the sand.
Go play with our toys in the sand.
And when we're not invading
some sovereign nation
or setting it on fire from the air
which is more fun,
then we're usually declaring
war on something here at home.
Do you ever notice that we'd
love to do that, don't we?
We love to declare war on
things here in America.
Anything we don't like about ourselves
we have to declare war on it.
Don't do anything about
it, we just declare war on.
We got a war it's the only
it's the only metaphor we have
in our public discourse
for solving a problem
it's called declaring a war.
We got a war on poverty, the war on crime,
war on litter, the war on
cancer, the war on drugs.
But you ever notice there's no war
on homelessness is there?
Nah no war on homelessness, you know why?
There's no money in that problem.
(applause)
There's no money
in that problem.
Nobody stands.
(applause)
It's true.
Nobody stands to get
rich off of that problem.
You can find a solution to homelessness
with a corporate swine and the politicians
could steal a couple
of million dollars each
you'd see the streets of
America begin to clear up
pretty goddamn quick,
I'll guarantee you that.
(applause)
I will guarantee you
that.
(applause)
So, I got an idea for homelesss
and you know what you're going to
you're not not going to do,
give the homeless their own magazine.
(laughing)
Give them their
own magazine.
It will make them feel
better for one thing.
That's a sure sign of
making it in this country.
Every group in this country that makes it
and arrives at a certain level
has its own magazine.
Give Working Mother magazine.
Black Entrepreneur magazine
Hispanic Business magazine.
In fact any activity any
activity engaged in by more
than four people in this country has got
a magazine devoted to it.
(laughing)
Skydiving, mountain
climbing, snowmobiling,
backpacking, bungee jumping,
duck hunting, shooting
someone in the asshole
with a dart gun, they probably
have a magazine for that.
Sure they have, I know
they have a magazine.
Walking.
Walking!
(laughing)
There's actually a
magazine called Walking.
(applause)
Look Dan, the new Walking is out.
(laughing)
Here's a good article, putting one foot
in front of the other.
(laughing and applause)
Getting their own magazine.
Give them.
Give the homeless their own magazine.
You know what you call it?
Better Crates and Cartons.
(laughing)
Then when they get finished reading it
they can use it to line their clothing.
That's a good sound business solution.
That's kind of answer you
get from a conservative
American business message,
yeah let them read it when they
get finished reading they can use it to
plug up the holes in them piano crates.
They all seem to like to live in
a good sound practical
conservative American
business
solution.
I'll tell you what they ought
to do about homelessness.
First thing change the name of it.
Change the name of the condition.
It's not homelessness,
it's house lessness.
It's houses these people need.
A home is an abstract idea.
A home is a setting, it's a state of mind.
These people need houses,
physical tangible structures.
But where you going to put 'em?
Where are you going to build 'em?
Nobody wants you to build low-cost housing
near their house.
People don't want it near them.
We got something this country you've heard
of it's called NIMBY
N-I-M-B-Y.
Not in my backyard.
(laughing)
People don't want any kind of social
help located anywhere near 'em.
You try to open up a halfway house,
try to open up a rehab
center for drugs or alcohol,
try to build a little home
for some retarded people
who want to work their
way into the community
people say, "Not in my backyard."
People don't want anything near especially
if it might help somebody else.
Part of the great American
spirit of generosity
we're always told about. (blows raspberry)
(applause)
Big generous
American nation.
Ask an Indian about that.
Ask an Indian how
generous this country is.
If you can find one.
You got to locate the Indian first.
We've made them just a
little difficult to find.
Or if you need current data
select the black family
at random and ask them how
generous this country has been.
People don't want anything
near them even if it's
something we believe in.
Something they think
society needs like prisons.
Everybody wants that right everybody
wants more prisons.
That's the new answer
to all of our problems.
Lock a lot of (bleep) up.
(laughing)
Everybody wants more prisons.
Say, "Build more prisons!"
But not here.
(laughing)
Well why not?
What's wrong, what's the problem,
what's wrong with having a
prison in your neighborhood?
What seemed to me like
it would make it a pretty
crime free area, don't you think?
You think a lot of crackheads and muggers
and pimps and hookers
are going to hang around
in front of a (bleep) prison?
(laughing)
Boom (bleep) ain't
coming anywhere near it.
What's wrong with these people?
All the criminals are
locked up behind the walls.
If a couple of them do
break out what you think
they're going to do hang around?
Check real estate trends.
Oh (bleep) (whistles) that's gone!
That's the whole idea of
breaking out of prison is
to get the (bleep) as far
away as you possibly can.
(laughing)
Not in my backyard.
People don't want anything near 'em
except military bases.
They don't mind that, do they?
No, they like that, give 'em an army base
it makes them happy, why?
Jobs, jobs.
Self-interest.
Even if the base is loaded
with nuclear weapons
they don't give a (bleep)
They say, "Ah, I'll
take a little radiation
"if I can get a job."
Working people have been
(bleep) over so long
in this country those
are the kind of decisions
they're left to make.
I got just the place for low-cost housing.
I have solved this problem.
I know where we can build
housing for the homeless
golf courses.
(applause)
Perfect.
Golf courses.
Just what we need.
Plenty of good land in nice neighborhoods.
Land that is currently being wasted on a
meaningless mindless activity
engaged in primarily by
white well-to-do male
businessmen who use the
game to get together
to make deals to carve this country up
a little finer among themselves.
I am getting tired.
(applause)
Really tired.
(applause)
I am getting tired of
these golfing (bleep)
in their green pants
and their yellow pants
and their orange pants and their
precious little hats
and their cute little golf carts.
It is time to reclaim the
golf courses from the wealthy
and turn them over the homeless.
Golf is an arrogant elitist
game and it takes up
entirely too much (bleep)
room in this country.
(applause)
Too much (bleep)
room in this country.
(applause)
It is
it is an arrogant game
on its very design alone.
Just the design of the
game speaks of arrogance.
Think of how big a golf course is.
The ball is that (bleep) big!
What do these pinheaded pricks need
with all that land?
There are over 17,000
golf courses in America.
They average over 150 acres apiece.
That's over three million acres,
that's 4,820 square miles.
You could build two Rhode
Island's and a Delaware
for the homeless on the land
currently devoted to this meaningless
mindless arrogant elitist racist.
(cheering)
Racist.
There's another thing, the only blacks
you'll find in country
clubs are carrying trays.
And a boring game for boring people.
Do you ever watch golf on television?
It's like watching flies (bleep).
(applause)
And a mindless game.
Mindless.
Think of the intellect.
Think of the intellect
it must take to draw
pleasure from this activity.
Hitting a ball with a crooked stick
and then walking after it!
(laughing)
And then hitting it again!
(laughing)
I say, "Pick it up asshole,
"you're lucky you found
the (bleep) thing."
(laughing)
"Put it in your pocket
and go the (bleep) home!"
"Go the (bleep) home."
No.
(applause)
No chance of that happening.
Dorko in the plaid knickers
is going to hit it again
and walk some more.
Let these rich (bleep)
play miniature golf.
A lot of (bleep) windmill
for an hour and a half or so.
See if there's any real skill among them.
Now I know there are
some people who play golf
who don't consider themselves rich.
(bleep) 'em!
And shame on them
for engaging in an
arrogant elitist pastime.
Hey here's another place
we could put some low-cost
housing, cemeteries.
There's another idea
whose time has passed.
Saving all the dead people
in one part of town?
What the hell kind of a
superstitious religious
medieval bull (bleep) idea is that?
Plow these mothers up, plow
them into the streams and
rivers of America.
(applause)
We need that phosphorus for farming.
If we're going to recycle
let's get serious!
- Thank you guys so much for watching.
I made this video because
HHGoodFella asked me to.
So if there's a famous
entrepreneur that you
want me to profile next leave it down in
the comments below and
I'll see what I can do.
I'd also love to know
what of George Carlin said
had the biggest impact on you and why.
Which rule resonated the most with you.
Leave it in the comments and
I will join in the discussion.
Finally I want to give
a quick shout-out to
Yousof Naderi, thank you so much for
picking up a copy of my book.
It really really really means a lot to me.
For those of you watching
if you want to chance at a
shout-out in a future video make sure to
pick up a copy of the book
and email in your receipt
so we can keep track.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
Continue to believe or
whatever your one word is.
And I'll see you soon
