 
### Mentally Irregular

Rantings of a Bitter, Lonely Son of a Bitch

By Ty McClenahan (aka Viper)

viper@shadowflareindustries.com

Copyright 2011 Ty McClenahan

Smashwords Edition

Notes

Any and all company names and trademarks as well as product names used in this book are not a challenge to established copyright or trademark, and are used for reference only. Globe image provided by NASA. Cover by LiquidManZero.

About the Author / Bullshit Intro

I'm just your typical white asshole with my own way of thinking. Notice I said "white," not "Caucasian." Where the hell did that word come from anyway? A good percentage of people can't even spell it. I'm also not "Scot-Irish," "Eskimo-Welsh" or any other goddamn thing. I don't give a rat's ass where my family descended from, and I could give a shit less where anyone else came from. I don't care about family trees, which cousins married, or who anyone's great great granddaddy was. You're YOU, and I'm ME. Simple enough!?

I was the kind of kid who "doesn't play well with others." That could be partly because I always got picked on, that I got bored easy, or that I'm just nuts. I remember being on the bus in kindergarten and 2 kids from my class were playing keep away with my hat. By the time I got off the bus, they were crying and I had my hat back. Pro tip: Don't take shit from anybody. Too many total pussies in this world.

I've forgotten a lot of what I did as a kid, but I remember all the stuff that pissed me off. Oddly enough, I still feel I was right about most situations. I lost count of how many times I got punished for disagreeing with my parents and/or the school despite having a perfectly reasonable objection to something simple that really shouldn't matter.

Some kids have "chores" to do. Like most things, I consider chores to be complete and utter bullshit. Chores are nothing more than your parents giving you the shit jobs that they're too fuckin lazy to do themselves. I say if they want it done, they should fuckin do it. My parents raised chinchillas for a while, and I always got stuck giving raisins to the damn things, sweeping the floors, etc. I got tired of doing their shit jobs for them. They weren't my animals, and I wanted no goddamn part in it. However, my father threatened to shoot my dog if I didn't do his fuckin odd jobs. Great way to treat a kid, huh? He would've done it too. My parents always resorted to blackmail to get me to do things. Well, after my father's cousin ran over the dog, they had very little to threaten me with. They have even less to now, since I don't really give a fuck about anything. I refuse to let them hold anything over me. Yes, this still goes on despite the fact that I'm 28 at the time of writing most this. I still live with them, so they still try to control me.

The chinchillas weren't the only issue either. They also wanted grass cut/raked. First off, I don't give a flying squirrel's cunt what the yard looks like or how tall the goddamn grass gets. If YOU want it cut, YOU cut it! Second, I really don't like people that are obsessed with what their yard looks like in the first place. Either put in fake grass so it always looks exactly the way you want, or leave it fuckin go. Hell, get some Round Up and have a pretty brown yard instead. What the hell is so great about anything green that's not cash? It's not worth sweating your nuts off in 90 degree heat to care for your lawn. People who actually take the time to water their yard and waste water like that are especially irritating. That's just one group of many who ought to be struck by lighting...or a really big Oak tree.

I don't like the world very much. I'm not looking for some higher purpose in life, nor am I looking for some fucking fairytale about an afterlife. People are like sheep. They're stupid and follow the pack. Just do what everyone else does cause that's how the world works? Fuck that. I look at life like the pile of shit, worthless fucking existence it is. Some people believe in happy endings. Some people believe in the fucking Easter Bunny. Lots of people believe in deities from fictional works, such as the bible, and even pray to them. This usually takes place on Sundays in a big lavish building built and paid for by non-taxable donations from suckers everywhere. Sure, some people actually realize that life is a huge crock of shit, and we're all just trying to stay afloat as long as we can; however, the vast majority of people are of the other variety. Those church nuts annoy the holy hell out of me.

People are assholes. They get dragged to church as kids and get that faith shit drilled into them, and they do the same to their kids. Rich people act like their better than everyone else, and their little trouser stains treat people the same way. Racists pass on their bullshit to the next generation. People never learn anything. Times change, but the system and most of the people are always at least 2 steps behind. When someone goes against what society perceives as "normal," they're the one everybody thinks is shit nuts. It doesn't matter how logical your arguments are if people are too idiotic to actually understand them. Black and white TVs went out ages ago, but rules are still rules, and policies are still policies, no matter how fuckin stupid they are.

Why am I writing this? For shits and giggles, more or less. It's pretty obvious anything I say will fall on deaf ears. I might as well be writing in hieroglyphics or fucking Pig Latin. People are locked into their illogical ways of thinking, bullshit faiths, cults, rituals, traditions, and outright stupidity. Schools force everyone to take history classes, but nobody actually learns anything. They still want to kill each other over meaningless religious teachings, hillbilly mentality, or whatever. The rich still try to control everything and everyone, believe they're better than everyone else, and think they're above the law. They're not really above the law, but they can sure pay it to get the fuck out of their way most of the time.

School Dayz

What do you remember most about school? Do you remember the smartest people in your class (aka NERDS!)? What about the bullies or the sluttiest sluts? The class clown probably comes to mind. Well, I was the smart kid and the class clown. It made for an interesting combination. I was smart enough to know that half of what we were being forced to learn was bullshit, and I was bold enough to throw it in the teacher's faces every chance I got. I use the term "learn" loosely, since school is really just about being force fed knowledge and regurgitating it on a test. Sure you learn some math that sticks with you, but algebra, calculus, and trigonometry are all complete bullshit and a waste of your time unless you intend to be a rocket scientist or something.

I remember math in 4th grade was particularly irritating though. Not because it was difficult in any way, but because the teacher was a pain in the ass. The teacher wanted to see everyone's work, but I could do the problems in my head and just write the answers. Either the student teacher thought I was cheating, or she was just pissed cause I was smarter than her. In any case, it turned into a major dispute. I was doing things my own way or not at all. Not much has changed in 20 years. Another thing about 4th grade that sucked was those assholes trying to force music on us. They sold us these shitty plastic things that looked like mini clarinets/flutes. They were called "recorders." Record this, assholes: I had no fucking interest in music then, now or at any time what so fucking ever! You shouldn't be forced to learn shit like that. What pissed me off even more was that my parents were such idiots that they actually sided with the fucking teacher. I don't want to learn to play a musical instrument! What's so complicated about that? I'm 29 now, and that still annoys me.

Once I had a locker (6th grade?), I refused to bring home any books. Homework? Fuck you, that's MY time! You already wasted at least 8 hours of my fucking day. Know what I did? I took my homework from one class to the next and finished it there. If an assignment really sucked, I skipped it. Piss on it. The tests are worth a shitload more than homework anyway, so do half decent on tests and you pass. I guess I was always too smart for my own damn good. I spent more of 7th grade in the hallway/office than I did in class, and I was still on the goddamn honor roll.

In 5th or 6th grade, I figured out that those uncomfortable ceramic chairs in the classroom made for a great fart echo. I think I also learned to make paper footballs around that time. I made a shitload of them even though I hated sports. It was like origami for the artistically challenged. I couldn't draw for shit, but I could make a mean paper football! I also enjoyed making pointless things out of clay. I sucked at that too though. I had metal shop in 7th grade. It's a joke class, but I got my nuts in a ringer because we were expected to build a model T truck or some such shit. All I wanted to do was melt things with the torch all day. I may have roasted a few of the other students' truck parts, but you gotta keep occupied, right? I also had home economics. It wasn't as much fun as shop, but I'm sure we burned a few things. I also threw a chair at some kid that kicked me when I was down. I don't remember what the hell I was doing on the floor in the first place, but I remember getting back up to chase the little bastard with a chair.

There were actually teachers I liked. Geography class was ok. I liked the gym teacher too, but his class really pissed me off. I don't believe in wearing bullshit uniforms to play some lame game for a half hour. I'm probably being generous by even calling it a half hour, since we spent over half the class stretching and running laps. If I wanted to exercise, I'd get some fucking workout videos like the other wackos. When was the last time you heard about a kid pulling a muscle on the playground during recess? I played basketball every morning before English class, but the asshole expected everyone to stretch before playing it in gym class? bullshit. Needless to say, there were plenty of days I would have preferred to skip class and just go wack off in the locker room.

I guess the teachers didn't like me much either. I was assigned a report on yeast infections in science class once. Yeah, a guy really needs to know about that shit. I bet the fat bitch of a teacher needed info and was just too lazy to do her own research. I had another teacher that routinely threw me out of "Language Arts" class. WTF is that supposed to be, anyway? I really don't see the point of forcing kids to learn Greek mythology. Last I checked, the bible wasn't required reading in public schools. That shit amounts to the same thing, in my opinion. I remember amusing myself one day by sneezing all over my desk. It was always an easy way to gross out the girls. Well, that and putting too much hair spray in my hair then shaking it out like dandruff once it dried. I also remember that the bitch somehow came up with the rule that nobody was allowed to go to the bathroom while she was talking. EXCUSE ME!? I don't think you have the right to control anyone's bodily functions but your own.

The principal saw plenty of me, as you might have guessed. I think he generally believed everything I had to say though. Whenever I did shit, I always admitted to it. So when I denied something or accused someone else of something, he knew I wasn't bullshitting him. I got in a dispute with a substitute teacher once over what the real teacher's rules were regarding taking a test the day after you were absent. He dragged me to the principal (kicking and screaming), and I stated my case loud and clear. No detention. I got it plenty of other times though. I got in school suspension once or twice too. It's basically like all day detention. They put you in a room to do your school work and teachers take turns standing guard. Works for me, assuming I chose to actually do the assignments that day. The teachers were boring sons of bitches anyway. Anybody remember those annoying tests with questions you can answer in 2 words but the teachers wanted complete sentences? Fuck them. I got the right answer, and that's that. I had in-school suspension one time, and the asshole watching us throws a book down and demands I answer a bunch of questions in complete sentences. Sure, pal. "#1. The answer is ____." I bet that pissed him off.

Oh, let us not forget lunch at school. The assholes are all wanting kids to eat healthy. It was bad back then, but I know it's a lot worse now. The only time I bought lunch in the cafeteria was when they had pizza, pepperoni rolls, or their version of pepperoni hot pockets. Those hot pockets were awesome too, so much better than the microwave shit at the store. I also never drank milk. They didn't allow us access to the vending machines in the middle school though. If anyone was actually watching them, I went upstairs to the high school vending machines to load up on pop and candy for lunch. Fuck them. I'll eat what I goddamn please.

What about those stupid #2 pencils? We all remember those. What's so goddamn great about #2 pencils? Where the hell can I get a #1 pencil!? Fuck it. I like pens, anyway. Those tests with the bubbles to fill in, which require a #2 pencil, are especially annoying. I love multiple choice tests as much as the next guy. However, using those, the teacher might as well just announce that he/she is a lazy son of a bitch.

Don't forget about having to stand outside in the snow when it's 10 fucking degrees out waiting for the bus. Plus there's the bullshit of constantly having to monitor the TV in the when it snows to find out if school's canceled. Why don't they just have school from spring to fall and break in the winter instead of in the summer? That'd be the smart thing to do, in my opinion. Otherwise, they're always fucking around trying to make up days when they cancel. That's bullshit too. You canceled, it's done, fuck off. You're not getting an extra day out of me later. Ever seen people on the same street end up on different buses? Yep, that's real efficient. Your tax dollars at work, folks. I've even seen a bus driver hit a parked car. How the fuck do you miss a Chevy Silverado? I could see if it was one of those pissy little Mini Coopers or something.

After 7th grade, I decided school really wasn't for me anymore, so I got home-schooled. Good thing too. Had I stuck around, I probably would've been expelled for one reason or another. Schools are run by oppressive motherfuckers that think they can demand respect and give none in return. Respect is earned, assholes. They also think that students shouldn't have any rights whatsoever. They tell them what they can and can't wear, even what they can and can't have printed on t-shirts. "No hats, no sunglasses," and nobody has the balls to stand up to these assholes. Well, it's a good thing I got out before Stone Cold came about in the WWF. Those shirts obviously would not have gone over well, and I'm not into censorship. I probably would've opened a can of whoop ass on someone Stone Cold style too at some point. Some schools also have these "zero tolerance" policies on fighting. Might as well call it a zero logic policy. Some kid gets his ass kicked by a bully and they both get suspended/expelled. That's right. Now they even punish people for getting beat up! Between the insane, arbitrary, illogical, rules and the perpetual presence of bullies in schools, is it any wonder that some kids just go fucking postal?

I guess it's a good thing that I got out before Ritalin and other psychiatric solutions became big in schools. Kids who refuse to go along and do what they're told nowadays just get diagnosed as having some bullshit problems and have pills crammed down their throats or counseling to make them be like everyone else. Some kids might be genuinely fucked up, but others are just like I was. Schools are no better than the military. They don't want kids thinking for themselves. They want them to follow orders. Hell, they even force kids to pledge to the flag in the morning. What exactly is that supposed to teach our youth? It's another forced ritual that's meaningless itself. Nothing has any meaning if you're simply forced to do it. Another thing I was glad to avoid was the addition of metal detectors in schools. If you're unlucky enough to have to deal with that shit, I suggest wearing chain mail just to fuck with the rent-a-cops. Genital piercings would probably make things interesting too, if you're into that sort of thing.

Homeschooling is somewhat interesting, if you like solitude, flexible schedules, and being stuck with psychotic parents all the time. The curriculum wasn't much different than a real school would be, except for some bullshit reading requirement. You end up meeting other home-schoolers from time to time. Of course, they're mostly shut-in religious folks that I wanted nothing to do with. You have to be pretty fucked up to play sports in a dress. One of those nutty bitches actually played volleyball in a dress all the time though. I'll never understand people. I wore Stone Cold shirts with "swear" words on them. Nobody really seemed to notice. Maybe I should have gone in drag once just to see if the assholes would actually react to something.

I was also invited to play volleyball with one of my father's relatives on their church team at some point in high school. I wore my Stone Cold shirts for that too. Some old bastard actually had the balls to throw me out one night because my shirt had the word "ass" on it. Why do religious nuts always forget about everything besides Freedom of Religion? I didn't play volleyball again until college. It was entertaining returning a ball off my head and watching the other team look stupid when they found out that it actually counts.

That leads me to college, I suppose--another complete fucking waste of precious time that could've been used to play video games or jerk off. Yes, college. Go take a bunch of bullshit classes that have no bearing on any career you might be interested in, which are run by pompous assholes who think that their particular field is of some monumental importance instead of the painfully boring degree requirement that it really is. It's just amazing that people still put up with this shit as if putting themselves in debt for the next 20 years is somehow going to benefit them later. You might as well go buy a new car and get a job at Walmart. Same fuckin difference.

I went to Penn State Shenango for just over 2 years before I finally woke up and quit. I had been isolated so long before I started college that I apparently forgot my balls at home for the longest time. My real attitude came back to me at some point, obviously. During my first semester, I was invited to join the Lion Ambassadors. That was another mistake. The ambassadors were one of the clubs on campus, except it was by invitation only. They worked with the admissions office. It started out simple enough. Help with open houses, plan fund raisers, etc. Well, every event we planned pretty much failed miserably. The group was filled with some of the dumbest smart kids I've ever met. Well, I got through the first year. At least we figured out where the best room on campus to have our meetings would be the 2nd year. We picked the air conditioned computer lab and reserved it at noon on Wednesdays all that year. As luck would have it, some professor had a class in there right before us. I don't think the class even had anything to do with computers, but the bitch kept staying late all the time. At one point, I got fed up and told her to get the hell out. Of course, that made the guy from the admissions office flip out cause I was rude to a bitch with a PhD. Yeah, you guessed it. That was the end of my experience as an ambassador. Frankly, being run over by one might've been more fun.

Why the fuck do some people have such a hard-on for education? None of it means a damn thing. They don't teach you jack shit, even when you get into the actual courses for your major. What the flying fuck does the AT&T Monopoly have to do with Networking? I don't know, but my asshole professor made it worth 12 points on the fucking exam. The next question was to describe, in technical detail, how a telephone receiver works. Again: what the fuck?!?!? That's not to mention the Hardware exam including shit like what IDE stands for and how many pins certain ports on the computer have, etc. Who gives a fuck how many pins there are!? I know what the hell plugs in where (no thanks to you assholes), and that's all that matters. And who the hell cares what IDE stands for? That's why they invented the acronym!! You buy a Hard Drive, you buy an "IDE" or "SATA" device, not an "Integrated Drive Electronics" device. They print "IDE," "ATA," etc. on everything. NOONE uses the full bloody name! People who go to school for computer related stuff usually go with the intention of learning something USEFUL for a goddamn career! Not complete bullshit, and not outdated programming languages. I've had people tell me their school is improperly teaching lame shit like HTML 3.0/4.0 and teaching useless junk like Java. Javascript is good, Java is just plain useless. They should be teaching XHTML and CSS2 for fuck sakes.

Anyone considering taking Microsoft certification? Don't bother. Half the shit is still based off Win95 and DOS. What the blue fuck!? And take a look at the A+ test questions. Total shit. They actually expect people to pay like $150 to take that goddamn test? Half the questions don't even have any relevance. There's even a bunch of bullshit questions about how to deal with customers. This isn't business Management 101, assholes! You couldn't pay me to take that test or any other Microsoft certification. Fuck you, Microsoft. Fuck you very much.

Another thing that pisses me off is seeing these stupid degrees on display. Why do people feel the need to frame their degree and put it on the wall to show it off? Fuck you. Anybody can spend a fortune and get one of those lame ass things. How bout being somebody with enough confidence/self esteem that you don't need to show off your stupid degree from Dog Twat University? College is such bullshit. It also pisses me off when people act like it matters which college they went to and that it's the greatest. "I graduated Redneck College in Deer Nuts, Arkansas!" Get bent. The immature assholes that like to advertise which fraternity they got drunk and fucked sheep at need a cup of shut the hell up too.

By the way, why does practically every college have "state" in the name now? Penn State, Ohio Sate, etc make sense, but Youngstown State University? Last I checked, Youngstown was NOT a state. That always bothered me. I know, they're state funded or certified or some stupid shit, right? Well, what's the point in advertising it? It may have meant something when there were only a few schools like that, but now they're all the same. That makes it kind of meaningless.

Going to college doesn't make you smart. It just means you have the patience to deal with that lame shit. Just because someone has Microsoft certification doesn't mean they know dick about computers. Remember that. These fucking companies want people with that stupid piece of paper, even though there are usually people without one who are just as qualified if not better for the task. Then there are always the complete and total assholes that only have their job because they know somebody. It's really a lot like medieval times; if you're not noble, you're fucked.

Some of the professors at these colleges are such assgoblins it's unreal. They take a simple required class and make it hell. They need to realize that 99% of the students in their classes aren't majoring in whatever lame ass general education subject they're teaching, and stop running them like they're fucking masters level classes. When over half the class is failing, it should be obvious that the problem lies with the professor and not the students, and the college should fucking do something about it. I don't care what kind of degree a professor has on their wall. It doesn't give them license to put students through hell and fuck up their otherwise good GPAs.

Anyone going to law school? Goodie for you. Have fun paying off student loans for the next 20 years. You may as well be working at Burger King for all you'll have to show for the first half of your career. Hell, by the time you graduate and pay off your loans you'll probably only be a few years from the old farts' home. Wouldn't college be so much cheaper if you only had to take the classes that were actually relevant to the degree you want? I mean come on. Doesn't the fact that there are 20 year olds filing for bankruptcy and/or committing suicide over the debt caused by college indicate to anyone that's there's a major fucking malfunction here!?!?

They even rape you for textbooks! I know somebody that spent $400 on used books for ONE class! What the fuck is wrong with these professors!? The publishers need to go fuck themselves too. Why the hell do we need a 14th edition of every book?

Know any career students? There's another load of shit: these idiots that just stay in school forever, and the rich, stupid parents that keep paying for year after year of worthless education because their kid doesn't have the balls to join the real world. Yeah, fuck them too.

While I consider the Amish culture to be ass backwards and completely obsolete, they do have the right idea about one thing. They only go to school until 8th grade. Really, what the fuck did you learn after 8th grade in school? That's when they really start piling on the bullshit: Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus, more History, English classes full of Shakespeare shit, and foreign fucking languages. This is America. Nobody should be forced to learn anything but English. After 8th grade, they don't teach you ANYTHING useful. You should be able to opt to take the test for a GED at the end of 8th grade and be done with it.

You know what else pisses me off about schools? Their obsession with sports. Who the fuck wants to be in a college classroom with a bunch of brainless, hungover jocks that are only there to play sports and don't want to learn anything? Plus, those fuckers take all the seats in the easy classes! Why not let them go straight from high school to pro sports, shrink their nuts with steroids, get arrested for some stupid (probably drug-related) offense, and get it over with? I also despise these schools for wasting tax money on the shit. Last I heard, school taxes were meant for education. Maybe if they dropped some of the bullshit like football and get rid of the classes that teach useless shit, our taxes would be lower. I heard one of the schools nearby spends four grand a month to keep the lights on at the football field all night, every night. Ever think of saving little energy, assholes!? As far as sports programs in general go, they should only be paid for by the people that actually give a rat's testicle about them. Here's a thought for these schools: SELL TICKETS to the games! People want this shit, let THEM pay the fuckin admission price.

Colleges may seem to give you more freedom than high school, but in reality, they're not much better. In some ways, they're worse. I've heard of professors that require their students to buy an electronic monitoring device just so they can tell who's in class. Like nobody's going to give theirs to a friend? Once again I have to question the logic of the dickhead who came up with that, but I also have to question the students who still put up with the classes. WHY put up with these batshit insane professors?

I've heard about programming classes where you get penalized for being too smart. Isn't that lovely? The professor insists that assignments only be done 1 way, matching the professor's own programming style. Most computer literate folks will tell you that's a complete load of shit. It should be about making a program perform a specific function, not how well you can mimic the professor. If it was me, I'd be accusing the professor of fearing students that are smarter than him/her. I'd also accuse them of being a tight ass, prick, son of a bitch with a superiority complex. That's just me though.

There are also plenty of colleges that charge for parking in campus lots. If the 20 grand these cocksuckers charge a semester for classes isn't enough to cover student parking, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. Schools should be obligated to provide adequate fuckin parking at no extra charge if they expect anyone to show up for class. However, once again we're plagued by pussies that just go along with the rules no matter how wrong they are, so things never change.

These colleges also have a reputation for covering things up. They don't care who gets into trouble or who gets raped. They just want to keep it quiet and keep the money coming in. They pressure/talk students into letting them handle things instead of the cops. Why do people go along with that? The most likely reason is probably fear of being thrown out of college, losing scholarships, etc. There are other schools. Please stop being wussies and stand up for yourselves.

Time To Get a Job...or Not

Just before quitting college, I spent a summer working at WalMart. They were remodeling that year, so I got stuck on the remodeling crew. We worked midnights, so at least there weren't any customers around to annoy us. I hate people, in case you hadn't noticed. Anyway, there were nights I ended up stocking shelves. When you had a pile of cardboard, you couldn't just take it back and throw it in the bailer. Nah, those are locked. Apparently, it's such a sophisticated piece of equipment, that only the managers have keys to it. I'm supposed to page a manager to unlock the fucking thing so I can throw cardboard in it? W-h-a-t t-h-e f-u-c-k? If you want to move a pallet, you have the same problem. The power jacks and walker-stackers all require keys, which again, only a manager has. Sure, you can use an old hand jack, but not if there's a power jack parked under the pallet you fucking need! You can't even move the goddamn thing without a key. It's stupidity at its best. The goddamn dumpster is even locked up. That's right. You can't throw anything away without a manager's supervision. Fuck that.

After college, I worked at a grocery store. They stuck me in Dairy & Frozen food which, as you might imagine, was fucking cold! The bailers were locked there too, but the key is in a desk drawer or hanging on the wall right nearby. It's more convenient, but it's still fuckin stupid. I started leaving the lock off since I was the only one that was really near that particular bailer most of the night. Naturally, I got chewed out by the store manager about it every once in a while. I hated that store manager from the beginning though. I was stocking ice cream one day, and a customer asked me for some item that was on special in grocery. Not knowing how the grocery backroom was organized, and just naturally being lazy about it, I asked another guy in the back. While I'm talking to him, I notice this trail of sugar on the floor leading from Receiving all the way down the hall; it was leaked from a pallet that had just been unloaded. The store manager came around the corner and immediately asked if I was on break. Obviously, I wasn't. She says, "Clean up that sugar." Fuck you, bitch. I'm not a Grocery clerk, I'm damn well not Maintenance, and I have a load of ice cream on the sales floor. Clean up your own fuckin sugar. Now, my boss agreed with me and commented that the grocery manager never would've asked me to do shit. I was on the store manager's bad side now though. Another thing I got into shit over was not checking prices for customers when the tags were missing. Is it MY fault the goddamn tags keep falling off the shelves? I don't have a price scanner up my ass. Go away. This bitch was also the one writing the schedule, so we got into it over that as well. This silly cunt, for whatever reason, thought that everyone should work both shifts. Most of the time I'd be working afternoons, but I'd end up stuck working early a day or two every week. I told her to knock that shit off. I'm either day turn or afternoon turn: PICK ONE! Well, she didn't get the message. The next schedule that was posted still had me on day turn once. I Ripped the schedule off the wall, slammed it down on her desk, and pointed at it. That was the last fuckin time I worked dayturn. It wasn't just getting up early or the disruption to my routine that pissed me off. I also had a run in with one of the manager's lackeys. I came in one morning and started changing end caps to the new specials. This lady comes over and starts bitching at me because she already made signs for the shit that was there. Is that my fucking fault!? Hell no! I didn't ask the bitch that normally stocks makeup and rubbers to invade MY fucking department and make signs for the wrong shit. I didn't ask to get stuck on day turn in place of a guy that normally starts at 5am, which I would not fucking do. I would've liked to ask her to stay in her own fucking department and the hell away from me in the future. Toward the end of my illuminating career as a stock boy, that store manager instituted a 5 minute meeting for each shift. Everyone is expected to drop what they're doing and go listen to this bitch (or whatever manager is there) spew the daily stats. I don't care what the store projected, what the actual sales were, or what they think it might do tomorrow. All I care about is getting the work done, collecting my paycheck, and going the fuck home. When asked why I was ignoring the meetings, I flat out told the store manager that I didn't give a shit. I was nearly fired for insubordination that day. If I wasn't one of the hardest workers they had, they probably wouldn't have put up with me nearly as long as they did. If I was really being myself, like now, I would've been lucky to last a week.

Working in a grocery store pissed me off on many occasions. We always got stuck with lazy high school kids in the dairy department that only worked a few hours a night and didn't do shit anyway. Of course, management usually refused to do anything about them. The assholes should've been working out front or gone. They don't belong in the back. Hell, they're probably the only reason for the locks on bailers and shit in the back. Some stupid kid probably crushed himself or someone else in a bailer one time so some assholes got their panties in a bunch and decided that minors must be protected from the big bad cardboard bailers. Then the idiots from front end, for some reason, can't even be expected to return damaged products to the right motherfucking departments. The front end manager didn't care. The prick bastard wouldn't even acknowledge that it could've been his people doing it. Well, who the fuck else is lazy and incompetent enough to pull that shit!? Also, what the fuck all are those cameras for? They existed in the back room as well as the sales floor. Would it kill somebody to pull up the video and start chewing people out? I actually had some kid bring damaged eggs back to me while I was stocking shelves and ask where they go. I told the little bastard to go get his boss to train him properly, cause that wasn't my problem. Yeah, that pissed off some bitch that was running things out front that afternoon. Oh well, what else is new? Had I stuck around, I probably would have gone through the damages each day, loaded up the shit the didn't belong to my department, and put it on the front end manager's desk. One of the assholes from front end also threatened to "wait for me in the parking lot after work" just because I told him not to smoke in my goddamn dairy back room. Who needs this shit? Why not just come by and jolt me with a cattle prod once in a while? I should've started demanding anyone that smoked in the back room get written up. Both the managers that were normally back there smoked themselves though. I probably would've ended up having to resort to something a little more subtle, like taking cigarettes off people and pissing on them right there in the stock room.

Unions need to go too. You shouldn't be forced to join the goddamn union when you work at certain places. Hell, they automatically deduct union dues from your check. What the fuck right do they have to touch MY paycheck? They're not the goddamn IRS! I worked at a union store and a non-union store. I have to say, I liked the non-union store better. May just be store policy, but the union store was always more annoying. I had a manager on my ass just because I punched back in from breaks too soon. Bite my ass. It's all in the computer, and it takes longer to locate and bitch at me than it does to fix, so shut the fuck up. At the non-union store I didn't even have to punch for 15 minute breaks. My guess always was that the store had to prove to the union that everyone was getting their breaks. Whatever the case, it still pissed me off. People also shouldn't have the right to go on strike. I'm tired of hearing about that shit on the news. Either work for what the company is paying, or go look for a new fuckin job. It's that simple. Companies shouldn't be run by the union assholes. Those assholes with picket signs deserve to get run over by management. Fuck them. Unions may have been necessary in the old days, but not anymore. There's a reason labor laws exist now. Far as I can tell they cover most of the shit that caused unions to form in the first place.

I haven't worked in over 8 years now. Relatives and other people constantly insist: "You have to get a job. You have to work." WHY!? Cause YOU fucking say so? "That's how life works." Well, I disagree. Basically, I don't give a flying fuck how everyone else thinks life works. I think it's bullshit. Spend half your life in school putting up with shit and learning mostly pointless garbage that's not in any way useful for a career, and spend the other half punching a time clock at some company that doesn't give a rat's ass about you. I just have no desire to become a working stiff. Busting your balls just to break even/survive is stupid. Hell, look at all these people getting laid off because the companies are moving overseas or shutting down. There's no job security anymore. Deal with it. You're all expendable, so don't kill yourself trying to seem useful.

Why do we do it? Why do we agree to dedicate 40-60 hours a week to some goddamn company? When you break it down, an 8 hour day really blows about 10 hours depending on your commute. If you drive 25 minutes to and from work and have a 30 minute or 60 minute lunch, that's shooting another hour or more out of your day. Not to mention the cost of gas and eating lunch out. Add in taxes and you're really not making much after everyday expenses. I would never give up 5 days out of my week again. Really, I just won't work again. I don't like getting up early in the morning, so that rules out day turn. If I actually had something to do in the evening (girlfriend, fuck buddy, hooker), afternoon turn and midnights would interfere with that. Right now, it would also prevent me from watching House! I can't see only having 2 days of true freedom per week. Fuck that. Give me welfare/disability and food stamps. Just as good. These days, you're either rich or your fucked anyway, so why kill yourself just to break even? Guess what, all those bullshit taxes you pay are either going in the pockets of lazy bastards like me, to old farts that should've been put to sleep already, or to other lame ass causes. What about health insurance? It's free if you're a welfare bum, but if you actually make money then you have to pay for that shit too. Basically, you're fucked either way. Why be stuck in the middle of the food chain busting your ass to barely break even. If you're not rich, you may as well be a welfare bum. Plenty of people work themselves to death 5, 6, even 7 days a week while they pretty much have the same quality of life that people on welfare do. The only difference is the people that work have a lot less free time. Take waitresses as an example. They can spend 8 hours waiting tables and leave with less than 20 dollars in tips. That's not even enough for gas anymore! They only make like $2 an hour for being there, so where's the upside?

My father was a slave to his parents growing up on the family farm. The Amish that knew him back then said they wouldn't want to be him for anything. They said they had horses to do their work; he was his parents' horse. Then he went to work in a mill on top of doing shit on the farm to help his parents. He's had 6 back surgeries for his trouble, along with a nasty bone infection he picked up on the operating table the last time. He'll have back problems as long as he lives. Call me crazy, but I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.

People work so hard planning a life for themselves, but they're really just letting life pass them by. Big deal, you can save up some money thinking you'll have fun when you retire, but you don't realize how pointless that is. By the time you're old enough to retire, you're too old to enjoy it! You'll probably have all kinds of health problems, arthritis, alzheimers, etc. You'll just sit in front of the tv, or sit outside on your porch like an idiot watching everybody. You'll be living off Social Security, if it's still there, and wishing you hadn't wasted so goddamn much of your youth trying to plan your future. "The future is right now." Think you've got the world figured out? Take your head out of your ass, and wipe the shit from your eyes. Think about your daily routine and think about how much time you waste on shit you'd rather not be doing. You only get one chance. Look at the way the guy on Titanic (Jack Dawson) lived, and he loved it. You know the saying, "all work and no play..." That's what I'm talking about. Too many people don't bother with any kind of social life. They work 2 jobs trying to pay for college or shit, and they never really take time to enjoy themselves.

I look at society, and all I see is bullshit. They make kids get up at 5 in the morning to get to school on time, load them up with so much homework they spend half the goddamn night doing it, and they think it actually means something. You're only a kid once. You shouldn't be expected to spend all day and night on school activities. When I was in school, I almost never brought schoolwork (or books) home. When you're at school, that's their time. When you're home, that's YOUR time! Note to all teachers: YOU SUCK!

Then the college bound tend to work their asses off, study for hours, and keep the goddman coffee joints in business even though they're not even learning anything useful for a career. When I went for Networking (which wasn't my main interest anyway) none of the classes for the major even covered anything useful for a career. It was all garbage. So why am I paying to learn this bullshit? I quit. People always talk about getting the college education so they can get a good job, Not "good" as in fun, but "good" as in $$$$$$$. My cousin is exactly the kind of person I hate. She went for nursing because it pays good and nurses are always in demand, not because she has any interest in actually helping anyone but herself. I was relieved when she flunked out of the RN program, but the crazy, loud mouth whore ended up getting LPN anyway. Bitches like her are the reason there are so many medical mistakes these days.

Don't even get me started on "careers" in the military. Why do people think it's so great to serve their country? You're not serving shit. All you're doing is learning to follow orders, which is pretty much expected at any type of job and all through your fuckin childhood. Personally, I'm tired of being told what the fuck to do! They don't want free thinking individuals. They want brainwashed fucking robots. Why do you have to enlist? Why can't you quit like other jobs? Because if they let people walk away when they wanted to, they'd have one small fuckin army. So much for freedom. And what's with the hair cuts? Does your hair need to be a specific weight to aim accurately? Fuck off. What about all their other bullshit rules? They'll courtmarshal your ass for fucking another soldier too. Yes, fucking is a punishable offense in the military. Imagine that. These morons think their fighting for our freedom. They oughtta start fighting for their own. The amount of freedom they have is probably comparable to prison inmates. Let us not forget the children and others who suffer because they're part of a military family. Not only does your father/husband think he's the commander and chief of the fucking household, but you also have to leave town whenever the fuck the military decides to reassign his ass for any reason they see fit with no fucking choice in the matter. You get to leave your friends and all you know behind and start over somewhere else for an undetermined amount of time. Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.

Military training can even be used against them! Ever seen Con Air? If they get into it with anyone off base, they get the fuckin book thrown at them. If they kill somebody in self defense, they'll still do time because of their training. That's a hell of a 'thank you' from Uncle Sam.

It's not just the military that causes people to move though. Plenty of assholes find that special someone, then expect the person to follow them all over the country for their career. Am I the only one that thinks it's idotic!? Ok, it's "love." That's no excuse for the person who claims to love you to do it to you. Fuck that! If you love someone, put them first, NOT your fucking job, NOT your fucking career ambitions, and NOT your fucking drinking buddies.

I also can't stand these Wall Street wackjobs. I dislike the entire practice of buying and selling stock. The average people that just buy a few shares of this or that are usually too dumb to actually make any money off them anyway. My parents bought stock before and always sat on it until it was worth nothing. They didn't even know how to sell it! I'll never see the appeal of risky investments. Of course, I don't even like banks. It's pretty crazy when a bank actually goes broke. It should never happen, but it does because of the fucked up world we live in.

The Softer Side of Things

I've never had many friends, but when I do, my mother usually manages to fuck that up for me. She always finds a reason to not like anyone I spend time with. Sound familiar? I'm sure I'm not the only one that gets shit like that. Well, I've actually managed to hang onto one special friend for ~5 years now--and 2 that came along with her. Val was a waitress at Waffle House, and I guess I had a bit of a waffle addiction at the time. Plus, I wasn't used to gorgeous women chatting me up. After a while, we became friends. Her ex worked there as well. They got into it pretty bad one day and both ended up unemployed. After that, I tried to be there for Val and her daughter, who was two at the time. Of course, my mother sees me throwing money away trying to help my friend, and starts going apeshit. Somehow, I've managed to keep in touch with them though. Raegan just turned 5 and we all celebrated her birthday at Chucky Cheese. That rat came over to me and put his hand out. I didn't know whether he wanted a slap or a tip. Hey, it was a new experience. I never would've considered having kids before I met these people. Now, I don't know. I suppose it's a moot point, since I'll never find a girlfriend anyway.

I have another friend who used to work at Waffle House too, but I actually met her when I worked at a grocery store years before that. We keep in touch, but I rarely see her. My only other friends would be some nerds I know online. Some of them come to visit once a year now, which is pretty cool. They come out for a weekend to play computer games and shoot guns here on the farm.

As far as the dating issue, I've always been a quiet guy; kind of a nerd. I'm not into the bar scene. I don't drink. Hell, I'm like the guys on American Pie, etc. I couldn't get laid if my life depended on it. I'll be 30 soon, and I've never been on a goddamn date. How pathetic is that? It's bugging the shit out of me, but I don't know what to do. I tried match.com. I had no luck on there either. Half the profiles are girls that haven't signed in for months anyway. Even when I came across a girl that appealed to me and had actually signed in recently, I got no response to my email. It's not very often I find someone worth emailing either, since the cute ones are too fucking far away or they have like 4 kids. Basically, I'm fucked. So what's a guy like me to do? I'm tired of being the smart guy with shit for social skills. These dating sites are such a total rip off it's unbelievable though. They want to charge out the ass for a few simple features like email and private messaging, that there are literally thousands of other ways to do for free online. Plenty of social networking sites are completely free with a shitload more features. I think the only people who continue to tolerate this shit are the ones that barely know how to operate the computer in the first place and just don't know any better. I won't waste my money again. That's for sure.

I hate to say it, but girls would probably only piss me off anyway. The younger ones are all busy cause they're going to college while working 1 or 2 jobs etc, and the older ones wouldn't want anything to do with a bum like me. I remember one time some guy I was shooting pool with introduced me to his girlfriend's sister. We talked for a few minutes, and she was paying more attention to her goddamn cell phone than she was to me. Everywhere I go, I look at women and they're too busy talking or texting to even notice me.

Something else I've pondered is the way girls expect guys to blow all their money on them. Personally, I have no problem with buying a girl dinner. However, it goes to reason that if all these fucking feminists want true equality between men and women that shit needs to go. I've known people who spent time in other countries, and they actually had women buy them drinks. Things aren't the same everywhere. Of course, then there are still ass backward cultures that treat women as property and mutilate them so they can never enjoy sex. Why the fuck women still put up with half that shit is beyond me.

There was a guy on the Flight of the Phoenix remake that said it pretty well: "All a man needs in this life is someone to love. If you can't give him that, give him something to hope for. If you can't give him that... give him something to do." I'm tired of just looking for something to do.

Where the Fuck Did You Learn to Drive!?

At some point while being a disgruntled college student, I finally got around to getting my driver's license. I lived on a farm, so I already had driving experience. It wasn't anything new. I always drive with 1 hand and 1 foot. My mother is one of those nuts that has one foot on the gas and the other foot perpetually on the brake. I won't let her drive my truck cause it'd need a fucking brake job by the time I got it back. Anyway, I took my driver's test and was a bit confused by one of the requirements on the road test. It's not that I didn't understand how to do it. I just didn't understand what the fuck business it had being part of the test. Why the hell should I be required to parallel park? You can go your whole life without parallel parking. In fact, I hate when people parallel park. The road is for going places, assholes!

Even buying vehicles pisses me off. You go to the notary and buy plates. Simple right? Here's the problem. They can hand you big tin plates, but they can't give you the goddamn little registration sticker to put on them. WHY!? instead, they stick you with a bullshit temp paper that has to be stuck to your rear window. What asshole came up with this? "Oh, it's temp registration." Tell that to the glue on that fucking thing! You ever try to get that shit off the window? Think about picking gum out of your hair and multiply the aggravation, like having the whole fucking pack stuck to your head. I think if I ever get one of those again, I'll find a suction cup with a clip on it.

I typically like to drive a truck. I don't like cars because they're too low to the ground. I also feel like I'm climbing out of the goddamn things, especially when they have bucket seats. One thing I never understood about vehicles in general though is the uneven floors. You know that annoying hump in the middle where the transmission and driveshaft are underneath? Why do they still do that after all these years!? Put the motherfucker up a few inches and give us a level floor for fuck sakes!

Who the fuck came up with the system of naming roads, anyhow? Every road has a name and number. WHY? You're on 224, and in one area it's called "State Street", but in another area it's called "Boardman-Poland Road." Did I make a turn somewhere without realizing it? It's still the same fucking road, why should the name change!?! It's bloody confusing! Then there's times you're on 1 road number, and it just becomes another one like that. Then you see a sign to turn left or right to get onto the road you thought you were already on. What the fuck? It's like a goddamn maze to stay on a specific road. It should be a simple, straight-forward design for fuck sakes. Oh, and why the hell are there so many dead end streets!? Why are there still so many 1-way ones for that matter? Those piss me off. The sad thing is almost every 1-way street I've seen would be wide enough for people to drive both ways on if it weren't for parked fucking cars. I don't get it.

Then there's the bullshit road construction everywhere and reduced speed limit aka "TEH FUCKING SPEED TRAP!" What really sucks here is this one part of route 60 going both directions is cut to 1 lane again. This is interesting because it was like this all last summer while they resurfaced it. Now it's fine, but they're tearing it up again... BECAUSE THEY FORGOT TO PUT IN FUCKING DRAINS OR SOMETHING! And why don't these state assholes ever work real hours? They only work out there like half the day. You're not at the post office for christ sakes. Stay out there the whole time it's light outside and get the fucking job done! They should run 2 shifts to have guys out there all day long and minimize the time that traffic is fucked, but nooooooooooo. Let's see, what other great shit did they do... Well, they tore up the cement divider that goes down the middle of the bridge on 208 and tore out the cement triangles where the stop signs for the ramps are. Then they put in new ones! Why bother!? It's waste of goddamn money. I think people can see a yellow line down the middle of the road just fucking fine without an annoying little cement divider, and the stop signs could be on the edge of each ramp, where they should be. Goddamn these people are morons. Plus, that having your lights on in construction zones thing is bullshit. I ended up with a dead battery the other day cause I forgot to turn the fucking things off. Gee, I guess I'm not used to having to turn off my lights in the middle of the motherfucking day!!

They also fucked with 224 in Boardman for about 6 months. Now the all the lanes are open again, but the son of a bitch is so rough you'd rather not drive on it anyway. Why the fuck would they leave it that way? The road was fine before they started fucking around. Now it really sucks. There's a speed trap over there too coming through Poland. I can't stand that spot. It's like 45, then they drop it to 25 for about a mile. Then it goes back to 40. Make up your fuckin minds! I hate that shit. Speed traps should be outlawed.

There's this part of Main St in Hubbard that really pisses me off too. It's 2 lanes each direction. Cool, right? Not when there are cars parked on the side of the road completely blocking the right fucking lane! It's a No Parking zone, dickheads! Obviously, this is another group of degenerates that either don't know how to read or are just born assholes. Whatever the case, they deserve to have their cars impounded and crushed. Just once I'd like drive a junk car down Main St, stay in the right lane, and smash straight the fuck into the first parked car that's blocking the road; just to make a point. Why the hell don't the cops do anything about it? Like the old saying goes, "there's never a cop when you need one." They apparently don't care about parking violations, but you go 6 miles over the speed limit and they're all over your ass.

This one other road in Ohio pisses me off too. It's posted 45mph, but there are also signs near a school making it 20mph. The signs that say 20mph also say on them, "During restricted hours." Well, what the fuck hours might those be? Am I supposed to be a fucking psychic now? How can they expect anyone to know what "restricted hours" are, especially if they're from another state!? Isn't it just amazing the stupid shit people come up with?

I don't much like going to Hermitage anymore either. The ramp getting on SR60 from 18 used to be non-stop The lane from the ramp just became the right lane, and the traffic coming from Sharon became the left lane. However, some goofy bastards must have decided this made too much sense. Now they changed it all around. They didn't just put a stop sign on the ramp. No, that wasn't enough. They put those awful goddamn rumble strips on there too! I hate those fuckers! Then sometimes you see a wreath or some shit on the side of the road near the stop sign. Gee, let me guess.... some dumbass got drunk, wrecked their car off there, and got killed, SO the stupid grieving relatives pressured the state into ruining a perfectly good highway entrance ramp. That about right? Having to stop at that spot just pisses me off so much that I have this tendency to jump on the gas hard enough to burn rubber when it's my turn to go. I can't help it. I can't stand change, especially when it's a stupid and completely unnecessary change.

Some of the intersections around here really piss me off too. There are 2 different types of left turn signals you run across on a regular basis. One kind has a green and yellow arrow as part of the light on the left. The other has a separate signal. I loath the ones with the separate signal. Are people actually expected to sit there and wait for the left signal to turn green even when the regular light is green and it's clear to turn? I definitely have a major goddamn problem with that. The left signal is supposed to be there to help you when traffic is heavy, NOT to impede you when there is no fucking traffic. Call me old fashioned, but I go by the old rules: Left turn, yield on green. Fuck those special signals.

The highway nearby got renamed from SR60 to I376 recently. Aside from the fact it's completely idiotic to rename a road, much less a goddamn highway, they completely screwed it up. SR60 was North-South. The new signs for I376 are EAST-WEST. What kind of incompetent, illiterate, drunk, dyslexic motherfucker would do that!? Somebody deserves to have a compass jammed up their ass for that one. Yeah, the state employs some real geniuses.

Of course, we can't forget the idiots that don't know how to drive. Like the dickheads that go 35 in 45 zones where you're used to going 55. Find an opening to pass those idiots ASAP and don't forget to flip them off as you go screeching by! You also have those lovely people that either leave their turn signal on forever or don't use the fucking thing at all. You're waiting to pull out of somewhere and some asshole comes crawling up toward you, so you wait for him to go by but he ends up turning with no signal! Give those kind of people the double bird, Stone Cold style.

Then there are the pricks driving around in Hummers and sports cars. I saw an H3 pull into Burger King one day. I found it entertaining, because that's probably all the asshole can afford after putting gas in that thing. I absolutely despise these new "Hummers." I want a real Hummer. This H2 and H3 shit is a joke. They don't even look like Hummers anymore. A Hummer used to be a bad ass all terrain vehicle. Now they just look like SUVs.

Gotta love all these self-important assholes that think the world can't survive without talking to them while they're driving. They either have a phone stuck in their ear or one of those goofy little bluetooth headsets. Some states are actually trying to ban cell phone use while driving though. As far as I'm concerned, that interferes with freedom. If people want to get distracted by their phones and plow into a chicken truck or drive off a fucking cliff, more power to them. If you think talking on the phone while driving is distracting, try reading the newspaper.

My mother and I got hit by some old guy who ran a red light one time when she was driving. The silly bastard didn't even try to slow down. He hit us, then swerved and hit a lamp post head on. I've had a few close calls, myself. Some guy went through a red light and crossed right in front of me one time. I remember wishing I was driving some other vehicle at the time because I would have t-boned the bastard. I like my truck too much to wreck it intentionally just to make a point.

A friend of ours was here one day telling us he'd like to do something about the people that ride around and hit mailboxes for fun. He said he'd like to rig up a pink mailbox to a tree or something, so when someone smacks the mailbox the tree falls on their car. Let them explain to their parents when they bring the car home half crushed.

Ever notice that parking lots keep getting designed worse and worse? You pull into Walmart, and you think you got dropped in a fucking rat maze! All these stupid little cement oval things with trees and shrubs in them, 1-way isles, and stop signs everywhere; plus special parking spaces for the crippled, pregnant, old, homosexual, homicidal, and just plain fucked. Then there are those stupid cement blocks or posts between the parking spaces. I know I'm not the only one that likes to drive straight through a set of empty spaces so I don't have to back out later. Angled parking spaces piss me off too. I don't care though. I'll drive the wrong way down a 1-way isle to back into a space. Fuck them. That's how I like to park. By the way, why do they waste all that extra money on the landscaping? No one gives a shit about decoration. We care about the goddamn prices!

I never understood how cops can write you a ticket for parking in a handicap space without a permit or rolling a stop sign in a typical store parking lot. It's not a fucking highway or federal land. It's PRIVATE property! I don't see how they have any jurisdiction to bust you for traffic violations on private property. If I park in my neighbor's yard, can a cop write me a ticket and make me pay a fine? I don't think so. A property owner would probably have the right to have it towed or something, but that's it. It's not a traffic violation.

Also, what the fuck is the deal with the roads in the winter time. After all these years, can they still not find a way to keep the fucking things clear!? Why is it like a completely new thing to everybody every goddamn year? They'll be showing people sliding down the roads on the news like it's a fuckin circus act, and saying this highway or that highway is closed. What the fuck? That's bullshit. Hell, that's elephant shit! It's the 21st century. Can we not find some way to keep the motherfucking roads clear!?!? The airports are just as bad--not that I'd bother with those assholes ever since they started hyping security and confiscating nail clippers anyway. They're always delaying/canceling flights because of snow and always losing luggage. Why do people bother?

My mother is a real pain in the ass during the winter. It's bad enough that she refuses to drive anywhere when it snows or there's a "CHANCE of snow," but she won't let anyone else fucking go anywhere either. I'm tired of being treated like I'm incapable of navigating the roads when we get a little snow. My truck sits most of the winter because of this nutty shit.

To add more irritation to winter, you also have the danger of hitting deer. Why is that a winter time thing? It Couldn't have anything to do with all the assholes chasing them around, could it? I don't have any problem with hunting or deer meat. I love it. I just don't like the goddamn hunters chasing all the deer onto the roads to get plastered and fuck up everyone's cars. Why not raise the fuckin things like cattle and mass market the meat instead of hanging onto this archaic hunters' mentality? How often does anyone ever hit a wild cow on the road? Oh, that's right. There aren't any!!

God is Santa Claus for Grownups

What the hell were people smoking when they invented religion!? Yes, I'm sure some imaginary asshole created everything, determined that homosexuality was bad, decided that women weren't allowed to choose whether or not to allow a damn fetus to grow in them and said nobody is supposed to work on Sunday. Did people even know how many fucking days were in a week back then? These bible thumpers just make me sick.

Jesse Ventura said "religion is a crutch for the weak-minded". I think organized religion is complete bullshit. It's more of a way to control people than anything else. Here's a new idea: THINK FOR YOURSELF ONCE IN A WHILE! How many people go to church on Sundays who don't even want to be there? DON'T GO! Enough with the bullshit rituals and sermons. Tell your parents, wife, husband, etc to leave you the hell alone! Hey kids, want to know a good way to get out of going to church? Tell your parents that the priest looks at you in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Notice how often we're hearing about priests and altar boys? Maybe if they were allowed to get married or at least get laid once in a while, they'd keep their hands off the goddamn kids. And why is it always BOYS!? Kind of adds to the sin, considering the typical church views on homosexuality, doesn't it? Then they have the brass to speak ill of gays that get each other off legally. These assholes also force their kids into church schools to be brainwashed by the penguin cunts. What right do they have to force religion down everyone's throats?

Why is it that people who believe in "god" are religious, but people who believe in aliens are just nuts? I think someone saying there could be life somewhere else out there in the galaxy is a hell of a lot more believable then that "god" fairytale. What a load of shit. Then these people actually think he listens to their prayers; however, he already has a "divine plan," AND he "works in mysterious ways." That basically means there's no point in praying to begin with because his mind is already made up, RIGHT!? Got to love how religion just contradicts itself all over the place. It's interesting... People who talk to god are religious, but people who hear him talking to them are just nuts.

Who the hell wrote the bible, anyway? "Thou shalt not steal!?" How bout, 'thou shall speak some fucking English.' That ought to be a commandment. Here's another: 'Thou shall keep thy religion to thyself.' That one I borrowed from George Carlin. Anyway, the bible sucks. Now who the hell thought people should swear on it in court? Yeah, this criminal ignored that "thou shall not kill" commandment, but he believes in the bible enough to tell the truth when he testifies. What the fuck? People can be so stupid sometimes. Something else I don't get. Why does it matter which hand is on the bible and which hand is in the fuckin air??? "Place your left hand on the bible and put you right hand in the air." Put one hand in the air and the other thumb up your ass. It makes no difference. The only time that book should be in a courtroom is if one of the alter boys beats a priest to death with it because he's tired of being ass raped.

By the way, that brings up another question. What the hell happened to "Separation of church and state?!?!?!" They have no right to bring that bible into court in the first place, nor should they have the right to give all government employees Sundays off. Other people work on Sunday, and I bet they'd like to see their goddamn mailbox full of new porn when they get home from work. What is it with stores and businesses? Do they think people don't need to shop on Sunday? Or do they think no one needs to shop before noon on Sunday? That's just fuckin stupid. When the fuck are the stiffs that work 9-5 Monday-Friday supposed to do their shopping, banking, etc? Hell, I even saw a website that says they're closed for "Passover," and nothing will ship for over a week. WHAT THE FUCK!? Can you say "INSANITY?" I wouldn't shop there if they paid me! There's also that little matter of alcohol sales in some states. Some states don't allow alcohol to be sold before a certain time or at all on Sunday. What mentally challenged individual came up with that shit!? Restricting commerce like that is bloody insane. If you can sell beer one day, you should be able to sell it any goddamn day or time. The government isn't supposed to establish or endorse a religion, but it's ok to have "in god we trust" on our currency and "under god" in the fucking pledge!? Bullshit. Then people complain when anyone prints a version of the pledge without the words "under god." The original pledge did NOT include it! The shit was added later, anyway! Churches have had entirely too much say in the making of laws in this country, and they don't even pay fucking taxes!

These assholes should be treated no different than regular people, but instead, churches don't have to pay taxes and these religious cocksuckers get away with anything. I live in an area where there's a lot of Amish, and this is especially true of them. We have to get permits for any little thing we do; building, demolishing, driving, etc. You practically have to get a permit to scratch your ass these days! The Amish do whatever the fuck they want. I don't see any dumb ass $100 license plates and $20 inspection stickers on their buggies. Their horses shit everywhere, but they don't have to clean it up. I bet if you walked your dog in town and didn't clean up the shit, you'd get fined. They don't get building permits either, as far as I know. I'd be surprised if they even had permits for their goddamn veggie stands. If any of us "English" try that shit without permits though, we'd get our nuts in a ringer. No one is supposed to be above the law. Freedom of Religion should NOT make these church fucks exempt from it. If they wanted to eat Bald Eagle at their bullshit religious ceremonies would they get away with that too?

Another thing they need to do is replace that killing commandment with "thou shall not touch thy children!!" The killing one was pointless anyway. If you look back in history, as we're all forced to in school, you'll see that more people have died because of religion than most diseases. The Crusades, Holocaust, all the big bloodbaths in history. Yet, people still defend it and think it's so great. You know what they used to do to people that didn't go to church? They labeled them "witches" and burned them at the stake. That's how fuckin stupid these people are. If you don't worship their "god" they'll kill your ass so you can go meet him! So much for "thou shall not kill." Then there are those tribal assholes that think sacrificing virgins to their deity will somehow grant them good things. Most people probably look at them and see "stupid primitive monkey fuckers." The stupid ones are the people in the real world with access to all the knowledge and education, who STILL BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT! What about the KKK? Weren't those people religious too? I seem to remember the ones on TV burning crosses to scare people. Speaking of TV, there's also plenty of movies that demonstrate the stupidity of bible thumpers. Look at Troy. The smart guy wanted to burn that wooden horse, but the religious asshole saw it as an offering to Poseidon so they brought it to the temple. Yeah, that was real smart. Hell, even video games show what a scam organized religion can be; Final Fantasy X, for example. Can't forget the assholes from the middle east that blow up innocent people in restaurants, along with themselves, and claim it's for their god, we're the enemy, and it's a holy war. Holy shit. The even better part is we have our own home grown, bible thumpers that are just as bad. Look at the nuts that kill doctors and burn abortion clinics! Is everyone riding the short bus these days? Are these superstitious sheep ever going to wake up and smell the real world!?

These so-called "holy" people also think they have the right to tell people how to talk and when the proper time to have sex is. There's nothing wrong with the words: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Not one damn thing makes those words different from any other words in the English language. Oh, we can say "poop" or "crap" but nobody wants us to say "shit." While you're censoring 4-letter words, why not censor "bible" and "cross," assholes? Now about the sex thing... Why should anyone wait for marriage? How do any of us know we'll even be alive long enough to get married? How many marriages end in divorce now, anyway!? Hell, half the married people aren't happy even though they do try to stay married. Why do people think it's better to stay together "for the kids" or whatever if they're just going to fight all the time? Get a fuckin divorce and get it over with. Life is short, and let's face it: SHIT HAPPENS! You shouldn't deny yourself that pleasure, that passion, that connection with someone. It's just not right.

What bout the Jews? Do they really believe "god" is anti-foreskin!? How can a religion require dick mutilation as a membership prerequisite? You're born with that skin and you should have every right to decide for yourself whether to keep it or not, as opposed to having it ripped off when you're a baby. What the fuck is wrong with people? If "god" didn't like foreskin, he shouldn't have made it. One also has to wonder what idiot came up with those little hats. Do they think they'll go to hell if they don't cover the tops of their heads with those little things? How the hell do they stay on, anyway? Try a nailgun sometime, assholes! Improve the human gene pool. I can't stand these thick-headed religious cultures. They raise their kids to be pretentious cocksuckers just like them. They want them to marry other jews. They send them to hebrew school. What the fuck is hebrew school!? No, I'm not a Nazi. I'm just an asshole.

Jehova's Witnesses are a special kind of assholes. These jackoffs go door to door peddling their faith, and people actually put up with it. Can't we have these stupid, irritating people arrested for harassment, trespassing, or something? I'm a Stupidy's Witness. I witness stupidity every goddamn day. It's civilization at its finest.

Isn't there a religion that feeds crackers to their cult members claiming they symbolize the body of Christ or some shit? Well, isn't that just dandy? Religion promotes mass murder, child molestation, homosexuality, and cannibalism. Plus, churches don't pay taxes! Yet, these zealots still think religion is such a great thing. I'd say they're nuts, but that wouldn't be fair to the real nuts. There are plenty of people that aren't playing with a full deck, but they usually don't eat the goddamn cards.

What the fuck do some of these weirdos have against pork? Fuckers should all be tied to a chair and forced to taste it once in their lives. "What? You ate pork!? Go to hell. Go directly to hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 virgins." I wonder if cum is kosher. Then, of course, we have the idiots that won't even consume caffeine. Yes, I'm complaining about the fuckin Mormons too. Oh, they don't want to pollute their bodies? They're another bunch of crazy motherfuckers that should stop polluting the human gene pool.

Who cares if gays want to marry? I don't give a shit. It doesn't affect me any. I have nothing against homosexuals, but I can't stand guys that act like fuckin pixies. Those guys that sound like they slam their nuts in the toilet seat every day just drive me right up the motherfuckin wall. I bet most of these homophobes don't mind jerking off to lesbian porno. What these bible thumpers need to realize is stopping them from getting married doesn't stop them from being gay! What's the goddamn difference!? Marriage in legal terms is supposed to be nothing more than a civil union between two people, so what right do the asshole politicians have regulating or debating gay marriage at all?

Speaking of weddings, I still don't get the point of the whole thing. Everybody wants that special wedding day, and they spend months or even years planning it. Here's the amazing part. After all that planning (and all that money), they do the same fucking thing everybody else does! Why bother? Why not at least be a little creative for fuck sake!? Church, flowers, white dress, tux, party afterwards, and the goddamn chicken dance. I mean come on. Some of these movie stars and musicians might be fuckin nuts, but at least their weddings are original sometimes. The other interesting thing about weddings is that people invite their whole bloody family. I wouldn't. I don't like any of my fuckin family, so why invite these assholes for this special day? Who benefits from dumping thousands of dollars into one fucking day? I've heard of people spending $3000 on a goddamn wedding cake, $10,000 on a band, $50,000 on a 4 hour reception. Get fucking real! You could've gone to the Justice of the Peace, then bought a house, you fuckin idiots!

These anti-abortion, pro-life assholes need to put down their picket signs and get a fucking life. What gives you the fucking right to force a woman to keep that fetus in her? Are you going to give her the thousands and thousands of fuckin dollars needed to raise that child when the daddy runs off with his secretary? I doubt it, so shut the fuck up. It's the woman's choice and no one else's. If they can't end pregnancy legally, they'll go back to coat hangers and throwing themselves down the stairs, so who the fuck do these protesting nuts think they're helping!?

How bout prostitution? Like Carlin said, "Fucking is legal. Selling is legal. So why isn't selling fucking legal!?" There's another issue the churches need to stay the fuck out of. Keeping it illegal doesn't seem to stop anyone from doing it, does it!? Nobody cares! It's a waste of time to arrest these women who are just trying to make a living. Go find the real criminals! If they're comfortable with it, what's the problem? It's their fuckin body. They can make more money in one day that way than they could make in a month at any dead end job. I don't necessarily think it's a good thing to do, but it shouldn't be illegal. Just like having too much to drink isn't a smart thing to do, but it's not illegal unless you put your drunk ass in the driver seat of a car. Hell, if hookers were smart, they'd find a nice legal loophole to use and go back to starting whore houses instead of freezing their asses off on the street corners. If you videotape it, and sell the client the tape, it could actually be legal. The client is merely paying the girl to star in his amateur porn films. Right?

You know what else pisses me off? Those fuckin preachers that are on TV every Sunday. Fuck off! If people want to listen to that shit let em get off their asses and go to church! Keep it the fuck off my TV! I'd rather watch the infomercials! You call these bible thumpers "open-minded?" I sure the fuck don't. They're brainwashed. They're sheep that flock to church every Sunday to listen some asshole in a stupid white collar and ugly dress rant and rave about shit that barely sounds like English.

Cemeteries are the biggest waste of land in this world. The only other thing that comes close in comparison is golf courses. Where the hell did this obsession with planting people come from? They don't grow. All they do is take up space. They waste land that people could be building Walmarts and titty bars on. Let us not forget about crypts. That's another good one. Right out of the Egyptians' play book, but they differ slightly; we don't hide them like the Egyptians. What idiot came up with this? Some guy wanted his rotting corpse to be easily accessible for his family to check out from time to time? "Hey, cool. grandpa's eyeballs are gone now. Hey, who put his goddamn watch in there?. I wanted that!" Then they want a fucking fortune for the coffins. What is it, like 5 grand minimum? Are these people out of their fucking minds!? Why would you pay thousands of dollars for a pine fucking box to put a corpse on display for a day, then bury it!?! What a rip off. Do people even have the right to bury their dead in the backyard anymore? Or are they basically forced buy space in cemeteries and outrageously priced wood boxes? You'd think somebody would be interested in stopping these assholes from gouging grieving families. I vote for cremation. Why doesn't Walmart sell caskets?

Another annoying thing about death is all the shit people say about the dead. I don't say anyone "passed away." They fucking DIED! OK!? Simple enough? Ever get behind a funeral precession? Aside from wanting to run the cocksuckers off the road, I think they pose a definite hazard to other drivers. Ever notice people think they're above the law just because they're following a fucking hearse? Why is that? They follow the goddamn hearse right through red lights. If I go through the green light and T-bone one of those assholes, who exactly is at fault? Not me. Bullshit. I had the green light, right? Then people are always talking about their dead relatives watching over them. You think grandma is up there watching while you're beating off too? I wonder if she approves of your choice of porn. Hey, you could always get a psychic to ask her for you! That's another thing these idiots do. They pay these wackjobs to contact their dead relatives.

How's this for a take on "god?" "I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!" I don't care if there's one or not. I think we should live this life and treat Jesus/God shit as most other history, FORGET ABOUT IT!!! Live this motherfuckin life! Quit clinging to this ass backwards faith and rituals. This insane fantasy of an after-life is like a security blanket for people. They're so afraid of death many of them never really live. We don't need some old geezer to tell us what he thinks the meaning of life is! We don't need some old fart telling people they'll go to hell if they have abortions! We don't need some miserable old gray-haired bastard telling us not to use birth control and shit; you raise 12 kids on a middle class income, asshole! We don't need some young horny idiot in a colorful robe fondling the children! Maybe those fruity fuckers should come out of the closet and live in the real world for a while. Come to think of it, if those pansies want to give up women and all that stuff, they should do us all a favor and get castrated...with a butter knife! Here's an idea for all these superstitious sons of bitches that think all those fairy tales are real: GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND OPEN YOURSELF UP TO LOGIC AND REASON!

Shop Til You Drop (or Dropkick the Cashier)

Does anyone actually enjoy shopping anymore? I don't. Every time I find something I like, they either discontinue it or change the recipe so it tastes like shit. What the hell was wrong with Surge? It was awesome, but the Coca Cola assholes decided to dump it. It was never even sold in Pennsylvania! I had to go to Ohio to buy the shit. Then we have this Sierra Mist shit. Ever see those commercials with the dog making that face? That's cause it tastes so fucking nasty! I think whoever came up with that shit was doing the wrong kind of coke. How bout Thomas English Muffins? They have 20 flavors, but the ONE flavor I actually like gets discontinued. Why doesn't anyone make cinnamon muffins or bagels without fucking raisins!? They used to, but not anymore. Assholes! Here's another good one: Nabisco Honey Grahams. I've been eating those for 20+ years. Now all of a sudden, they taste like shit. The box says "Now with whole grain." Bite me. I get Keebler grahams now. They taste decent, but I noticed one thing different from Nabisco's. EVERY package of Keebler grahams I open has a bunch of broken shit. Not just once in a while. Every package in every box. Nabisco's never had that problem. Sure, there was an occasional cracked one, but not every time. By the way, most of the crackers at the store taste like shit now too. What gives? Also, Walmart no longer carries Keebler Grahams. They sold good. The shelf was empty half the time I went looking for them, so what gives? They cut them to make room for more Great Value shit. Assholes. They don't stock Act II popcorn anymore either, despite the fact Sam's Club still carries it in bulk. They apparently quit stocking Canada Dry Ginger Ale as well, or just forgot where the hell it goes. What the fuck? Did they need more space? Were the 50 facings of Coke and Pepsi not enough? You know why half the isle is Coke Classic? It's because they want it to last all week until the Coke and Pepsi guys come back. Heaven forbid the store clerks actually have to restock the soda themselves! I hate that shit! They do it with half the store now: chips, crackers, frozen pizza, etc.

Potato chips are shitty. It doesn't matter what kind you buy. Half the chips in the bag are green, black or otherwise fucked up. WHY? Pretzels are still decent, if you don't mind a serious lack of salt. What the fuck is with these companies? There aren't any pretzels with a fuck ton of salt anymore. All I see is this low fat, low sodium bullshit. Where's the EXTRA SALTY, motherfuckers!? Not everyone is a goddamn nutrition freak. I'm tired of seeing so much silly shit: sugar free, fat free, low fat, low sodium, caffeine free, diet. WHERE'S THE FUCKIN REAL FOOD!? Got to love how some people eat like elephants but think a "diet" soda is going to do them any goddamn good. If cum was nutritious would women be lining up to smoke my pipe? I doubt it. p.s. Fuck soy!

The FDA is apparently trying to make all food suck now. They're pushing for less salt and sugar in everything. Fuck you, assholes! It's going to get the the point to where the box tastes just as good, if not better, than the goddamn food! I guess if you eat the box you're sure to get plenty of fiber at least. :-|

An equally irritating aspect of snacks is the packaging. Is there some reason they use the noisiest packaging possible!?!? How the fuck are you supposed to feed your face in front of the TV if you can't hear the TV over the motherfucking potato chip bag!? I'm also tired of buying snack bags that have more air than snacks. If the environmental nuts want to do something to impress me, they should get these goddamn companies to quit wasting packaging that way.

Anybody like frozen pizza? I used to, but not anymore. There were probably 6 or 8 different brands I could eat. Now, every one of them makes me want to puke. They seem to do something to the sauce that makes it taste like shit. Oh, and don't bother looking for pizza sauce in cans/jars anymore. They only seem to stock like 1 fucking brand. The pizza chains should start selling their goddamn ingredients. They suck at putting them together nowadays anyway. Is it that hard to roll out dough evenly? I can't stand pizza that's paper thin in the center. It tastes like mush cause of all the grease/sauce, and you can't even pick it up cause all the fuckin toppings will fall off. I'd also like to know why so many pizza joints use that sausage with the goddamn hard seeds in it. I've had sausage on my pizza without seeds and it was wonderful, but for some reason, it's hard to find that. I don't get it. Why would anyone want to chomp on those damn seeds? We used to get those awesome Priazzos at Pizza Hut in the late 80s/early 90s. We quit going when the bastards took them off the menu.

Plus, everything is shrinking while the prices keep climbing. Hagen ice cream was sold in 1.75 quart containers. Now it's 1.5 quart and the price is still the same. Fuckin assholes. It happens to other things too. "Mega rolls" of paper towels now are the size the pissy regular ones used to be. Do they think people are so stupid they won't notice? Don't bother with spaghetti either. Have you seen those tiny boxes of macaroni? There's barely enough in a box to feed 1 person! And that's the only size boxes they have. You have to shop at Sam's Club to get things in decent size packages now! WHAT THE FUCK?

How come blenders are such garbage? Half the blenders I've had can't even blend ice cream into a damn milkshake. And why do they all sound like a fucking wood chipper!?

What is with this fuckin "hoodie" shit? Why can't I find decent sweatshirts anymore? Not hooded fucking shirts. SWEATSHIRTS! I wish the sites that sell "offensive" t-shirts would offer a sweatshirt option. I should get some plain ones and start wearing XL t-shirts over them.

By the way, Doesn't the pants down to your knees look ever go out of style? There's a pretty neat invention. Maybe you haven't heard of it. It's called a BELT! Here's another novel idea. Buy clothes that actually fit! FYI, nobody wants to see your boxers. Those are called "UNDERwear" for a reason, fucko. I'd rather see a 300 pound woman in a bikini than one of these idiots with their boxers showing. Although, I'm not sure they should even make bikinis that big anyway.

I hate shopping for clothes. The prices are outrageous. Half the time, it's because of the manufacturer. My father was able to buy some odd brand of jeans on sale for nine bucks a pair one day. Levi's go for like $50 a pair now. REALLY!? $50 for a couple yards of denim!? Does Levi think they're the Harley Davidson of jeans now, or what!? Then we have people that will actually pay for jeans that are made to look old and worn, or that come with holes in them. Why the fuck would you pay for a half a pair of pants? Why would you want a pair of pants that look like you got them at a thrift shop or off some homeless guy? Hell, if you want old worn jeans with holes in them, you might as well shop at the thrift store. You could save yourself a shitload on the homeless bum look.

Another thing that pisses me off is all the added security in electronics departments. I've seen Kmart keep $20 titles locked up, while they're in bins and open racks at Walmart. It's stupid. Then there's the issue of nobody with a key actually being around when you want something, or they're pissing around trying to explain something to some technophobe. I've seen $15 BDs locked in the security booth in front at Sam's Club, and it literally took 5 minutes to get somebody with a key and another 10 for the dumb bitch to actually find the title. What about those shitty cable things they use on box sets at some places? THEY RUIN THE BOXES HALF THE TIME!

Let us not forget those lovely built in security devices that set off the alarm when the cashiers forget to disable them. I can't stand the old bats working the door at Walmart. We're walking out with a whole goddamn cart full of groceries and the thing goes off. "See the receipt? See the item? Now piss off." No, they insist on writing a bunch of shit down and going to a register to disable it. Last time somebody tried that shit, I bitched at them and they just handed it back to me. Why harass customers and hold things up unnecessarily?

Best Buy is particularly annoying because the assholes group TV DVDs by studio, then in alphabetical order. How many people actually have a clue which studio released which TV show? Not very goddamn many. Even those of us that do know don't usually give a fuck anyway. Quit making things complicated, you fuckin blue shirts! Put them in alphabetical order and be done with it!

While we're on the subject of TVs, there's something I never understood about them. Why the hell did all the regular/CRT TVs have to make the crazy loud noise when you tuned to a channel that didn't exist? You'd think they would've fixed that after, oh, I dunno the first 10 years or so! What fucking idiot came up with that and couldn't see how utterly annoying it is!? Luckily, it's finally gone with the introduction of HTDVs. Took them long enough.

The door assholes at Sam's Club piss me off too. They expect to see your card on the way in, plus the cashier needs to scan it if you buy something. I'm getting my card out ONE time. Not 2, not 12. Fuck off. Second, there's always a line at the goddamn exit because the assholes insist on carefully checking everyone's receipts. Here's an idea. Watch the goddamn registers. If you actually saw the people come through a register with shit, then assume they paid for it and get the fuck out of the way.

Speaking of assholes at doors, why do all the stores make the salvation army nuts freeze their asses off outside? Am I the only one that thinks it makes the store look bad by not letting them sit inside when it's -5 out!?

Then when you're finally ready to checkout, the lines are a mile long cause there are only 2 fuckin registers open. That, or the old bitches at the register are talking more than working. Shut the fuck up and scan everything! Some of the near-sighted bitches spend a half hour examining ads when people want to price match. They look for any lame excuse to deny it. Here's an idea: quit acting like the discount comes out of your own pocket, and hurry the fuck up. I got denied a price match once because the item name on the ad didn't say "2-disc edition" for the Transformers HD-DVD. HELLO? There's only 1 edition of it, assholes. Then everyone's paying with fucking plastic. Go through the express line and some old fart is buying Depends with a goddamn debit card and holding up the line cause s/he can't figure out how to work the stupid electronic thing they make everyone use. How is plastic more convenient, if the asshole people have to do everything themselves instead of just handing it to the cashier and being done with it? Enough with signatures and pin numbers. Put a goddamn finger print scanner in there instead. Swipe your card, put your finger on the scanner, take your receipt, and GET THE FUCK OUT! Why must people use plastic for minor purchases? If you don't have enough cash on you to buy a pack of gum or overpriced bottle of water, go to the bank and get the fuck out of my way.

The other thing about the checkouts that really gets my blood boiling is the inability to break hundred or fifty dollar bills. If I want to walk in and buy a goddamn candy bar, you better have change for a hundred. It's complete and utter shit. It's like they're trying to force people to use plastic. When you bitch about it, they just hide behind their fear of being robbed. "It's a security precaution." No, it's a fucking nuisance. If you're going to run a business, you should have enough cash in the register to make change. I don't care what kind of plastic is floating around. Cash is still king. Quit fucking over the customers in favor of some bullshit sense of security. You have security cameras, and you have insurance. What difference does it make if somebody steals $50 or $5000? Fill the fucking registers! I remember when I was a kid there were a few occasions I bought things with rolled change. Some cashier actually wanted my name and phone number to write on the rolls of quarters one time. Fuck you, asshole. They have no business doing that. If you're worried about fraud, feel free to dump the rolls and count/inspect the quarters yourself; I'll wait. I have an idea. If I ever have to leave some place without the item I'm trying to buy because they can't make change, and it's actually some place I need to go back to, I'll return with pennies just to make a point. I think it'd be fun to hold up the line using a 5 gallon bucket full of pennies to pay for something. Teach the bastards not to refuse large bills. With all the bullshit laws regulating business, you'd think there would be one requiring them to have the cash on hand to accept fifties and hundreds.

I'm also wondering why the hell layaway still exists. It was a stupid idea that only idiots actually use. Get something you can't use but make payments on it all year until you pay it off. It's like financing for dummies. Most things that are expensive enough to be difficult to afford have payment plans anyway, or you can put it on a credit card, so let's get rid of that shit already. I think if you can't set aside the money to pay for something all at once, you shouldn't be buying it in the first fucking place. Here's an idea. Go try to put a box of condoms in layaway. Hey, you're probably getting fucked by their interest rates or whatever anyway, so let's make it safe sex. If nothing else, it'd be interesting to see the clerk's reaction.

Why must big stores use those goddamn noisy fucking cellophane bags!? I hate that shit. My mother comes back from Walmart early in the morning and you can hear the noise from those dumb ass bags all through the house. What's wrong with regular plastic for fuck sake!!? If we wanted noisy, we'd use paper fucking bags. There's another issue. What is it with people that want their shit bagged in paper bags inside plastic bags? Paper OR Plastic motherfucker, NOT BOTH! Seems like it's normally old people that do that shit too. Now we have these green motherfuckers that buy these lame ass reusable grocery bags. There's another stupid gimmick for stupid people. Then there are people who buy a whole cart (or 2 carts) full of shit and expect someone to help them get it to their car and load it up. You had no problem pushing all that shit around the store, so I don't see how you can't get it to the fucking car yourself. Holy shit people are lazy.

Ever try to wash your hands in a public bathroom and keep touching your hands against the back of the sink because the faucet is so goddamn close? Why do they make them like that? How the fuck is it sanitary to wash your hands when there's not enough room to do it without them touching the inside of the sink? Come on!

What about shopping online? Ok, you avoid the annoying people, parking, etc. Hell, you even avoid sales tax if you shop at the right sites, at least for now. However, there are downsides, like the wait. Waiting for the order to be processed. Waiting for UPS/USPS to get off their ass and get it to you. You know the drill. Why do these fucking companies shut down on the weekend and just let orders pile up? Would it kill you to keep processing orders and have the trucks loaded for the UPS guys on Monday? No, instead, the orders pile up all weekend and it takes days to catch up. Then of course you have things like Amazon's "Super Saver Shipping" where they expect you to wait an extra week for them to get around to shipping it. You're covering the shipping cost either way, WHY FUCK AROUND? Get it done. Then you have everyone defaulting to Media Mail. Why not just call it what it really is: SNAIL MAIL. There is no excuse whatsoever for it to take more than a week for any package to arrive in the continental US. I've mailed DVDs, and the First Class shipping was the same amount that Media Mail would've been. What the fuck?

Amazon used to be pretty good with shipping, especially their Prime service. Prime was designed for impatient people like me. Unfortunately, a plague has befallen Amazon shoppers. Cheap 3rd rate carriers like A-1, Prestige, OnTrac, and Lasership are being substituted for reputable ones like UPS, FedEx, and USPS. These carriers have been losing, stealing, lying, and delivering packages late for over 3 years now. Instead of giving them the boot and going back to the big 3, the nutsacks running Amazon keep allowing the problem to expand. I happen to think people need to take a stand. Write Amazon and tell them where to stick these bullshit carriers, try to shop elsewhere, or refuse any shipments that these wannabe motherfuckers actually try to deliver.

I'd also like to know what fucking idiots actually support sites like Best Buy that charge sales tax and hardly have bargains when you can shop at places like Amazon and NewEgg. There are also some sites that are total shit but do have good deals once or twice a year, like DeepDiscount. The problem with DeepDiscount is they can't manage their fucking inventory properly. The item pages say shit is in stock, but the cart says backordered; moreover, they have no idea if or when the item will be restocked. Fuck off. iNetVideo has a great selection of out of print DVDs, but they refuse to offer any shipping options other than fucking media mail, despite requests for sane options. Ebay sellers do that too, and it pisses me off.

The prices online are better a than at the brick and mortor shitboxes a lot of time, but they also change a lot more. The majority of the time when a price drops, the bastards don't actually list how long the price is staying down for. That's pretty fuckin annoying, if you ask me.

Something else that pisses me off about shopping online is the fact that big etailers like Amazon.com continue to treat the porn industry as taboo. If Amazon carried porn on DVD, I bet it'd be fucking cheap!

Ebay and other martketplace type shops online can be great for bargains, but you can also get boned if you're not buying brand new items because some of these assholes don't understand the definition of "Like New." Like new means MINT motherfucking condition! Like new does NOT mean a dirty old console with 3rd party RF adapter and knock off controller. Like new does NOT mean an ex-rental DVD with scratches and rental stickers that are never coming off.

Then there are returns. Oh, sometimes they'll cover the shipping, but it's going to be snail mail again. If I paid for first class shipping to get the item here and it's FUBAR on arrival, I damn well expect them to pay for the same shipping speed on the return. Then of course you get to deal with the assholes on the phone or by email that barely speak english. May as well be a trained monkey on the other end of the line. Here's an idea. How bout actually packing things so they're not likely to be mutilated by UPS? PACKING PELLETS, BUBBLE WRAP, FOAM: Any of these things sound familiar? That's alright, I'm sure it's much cheaper to pay the fucking people to deal with returns than it is to pack it right in the first place.

The credit card companies piss me off too. Quit issuing me another card every couple years. Fuck your expiration dates. There's nothing wrong with the card I have. If I needed a new card, I'd fucking ask for it!

Restaurants aren't much fun anymore either. I've been eating at the Outback Steakhouse in Boardman, OH since around the time it opened. It's probably been 15 years now. For years they served all drinks in mugs. They had normal mugs and taller mugs for the alcoholics to get their beer in. A few years ago some demented individual thought it would be a good idea to replace all the regular mugs with these other goofy glasses. Well, I'm used having a mug of rootbeer every time I go in, and I demand my goddamn mug. When they stopped having the regular mugs, I started requesting the tall ones that are normally only for beer. It's a simple request, and they have no business denying it. However, one silly bitch insisted on telling me no. Well, that's not happening twice. I'll get the manager and make it real clear that I'm a customer that's willing to walk away for good just on principle. I don't put up with stupid, illogical shit. It's amazing the food has stayed good enough to keep me going back all these years anyway.

Waffle House also pissed me off. I'm not talking about those shitty C's Waffle joints with their sucky Belgian waffles either. I mean the real Waffle House chain. I started eating there when the one on route 46 opened and migrated to the newly opened Hubbard WH about 6 months later. I was in there so much that everyone knew me by name, and I got to know some of them. I also knew who could cook worth a damn and who couldn't. I watched a lot of those people get fired and quit, mostly over stupid shit. The most recent shit, however, has made me decide to look elsewhere for a decent meal. The 3 Waffle Houses in the area came under new ownership. The first thing the new owner did was fire the 2 best cooks they had. From what I understand 2 of the waitresses that have been there from the time Hubbard WH opened are also gone now, but I haven't heard exactly why. Of course, this new owner wouldn't even tell the manager in Hubbard why she was losing two cooks. She was apparently told it was none of her concern. Excuse me!? What kind of bullshit is that? Well, I guess Waffle House is none of my concern anymore. I hope this asshole runs it right into the fuckin ground. He's already off to wonderful start.

I'd really like to know why it's so hard to find good bacon and sausage anymore. I used to eat bacon subs at Subway, but the bacon suddenly went to shit. It doesn't even taste like bacon anymore. Waffle House's bacon took a sudden turn for the worst as well. Denny's has good bacon and sausage. I don't normally like sausage links at most places, because they taste like they're wrapped in a used condom. What is with that thick casing shit they use?

Some states have banned smoking in restaurants now too. I never smoked, so I don't really give a shit. I think they should keep the places divided into 2 sections though. Instead of a smoking section, why not a section for people with young kids, so the rest of us can enjoy a quiet fucking meal? It pisses me off even more when I'm sitting in a restaurant that allows you to seat yourself, the whole place is empty or near empty, and the next asshole that comes in just has to sit at the very next table. You have the whole fucking place to choose from. Why the fuck would you park your ass beside the one other group in the building!? I don't want to listen to your fucking dinner conversation, your annoying kids, your stupid questions about the menu, or any other goddamn thing!

Yet another irritating part of the restaurant experience is the way they serve certain things. Am I the only one that gets pissed off when they bring you bread and give you butter that's ice cold and impossible to spread without fucking up your roll/bread!? I don't like being served ice cold barbecue sauce with hot chicken either. Why the hell do they do that!? By the way, why the fuck does everyone go for that boney chicken shit? Boneless white meat for the win! I guess I'm just a "breast man."

More puzzling yet is the quality of cola at restaurants. Why is it every single bar I've been to, or restaurant with a bar, has watered down cola!? Every goddamn time. If I go to Denny's, Waffle House, etc the cola is nice and strong. Hell, even McDonald's has real cola! It doesn't matter if it's Coke, Pepsi, RC, etc. It's something about these fuckin bars. I don't understand it. Do they think they can get away with being tight asses about the Coke syrup because they mix it with alcohol half the time anyway, or what?

Gas stations piss me off too. I remember the days when gas stations refused to take fifty and hundred dollar bills. Now it costs that much to fill your fuckin tank anyway! Ever notice that gas is the only thing priced in 10ths a cent? What is that shit? I don't ever remember seeing anything but 9/10s of a cent either. It's always "x.xx9" for some reason. WHY!?!? Here's a fun idea. Go pump exactly 1 gallon of gas, and then ask for your 1/10th of a cent change. The gas prices are bad enough without the gas stations themselves giving everyone a hard time. Prepay is bullshit. It never used to be that way. I used to go out of my way to find a Sheetz because they were the only ones that didn't require prepay. Now they piss me off more than the rest because they started with those stupid cards like they're goddamn Sam's Club or something. I don't care if prepay keeps people from running off without paying. If the gas station is too cheap to install enough security cameras to catch the plates of everyone going in and out, that's their problem. Most of us don't know how much gas we'll need to fill our tanks, since they change the goddamn prices 6 times a day! Another inconvenient part of prepay is that the computer shuts off the pump about 30 cents short, so that last 30 cents takes like 5 minutes to pump out. I could piss faster than that! If the computer can't stop the pump at the exact amount desired, they need new software.

Yet another shitty part of the gas station experience is going inside to pay. I'm a cash-only shopper, so that's how I do it. I'll never understand these idiots that whip out the plastic for 10 dollars worth of gas and a pack of cigarettes. Carry some fuckin cash! Besides holding up the line while you sign for such an important purchase, you're also depriving the nice people who would like to mug your techno ass. Frankly, it pisses me off that these places deal in so much shit besides gas. It's a GAS station. It's not a fucking coffee shop. It's not Subway. It's not a tobacco outlet. Go to a real store/restaurant, and quit holding up the fuckin lines! I don't know who pisses me off more: the people that leave their cars parked in front of the pumps while they shop around inside like they're at the fucking mall, or the assholes there that didn't even come for gas.

Another thing I'll never understand if people who buy newspapers. With all the ways to get news, why buy some piece of shit paper that's going to turn your hands black by the time you're done reading it? You'd think after 50 or so years of printing newspapers people would find a way to print them so the ink stays on the motherfucking paper.

Playing With Yourself

I've always spent a lot of time playing video games. I started with the original Nintendo. Other than the fact the plug on the NES end of the RF cable kept coming apart, it was an awesome system. Super Nintendo and Genesis were also well done. I had an SNES controller that could actually pull off charge moves in fighting games with the turbo functions. I'm probably also one of the only people to figure out how to crash Mario RPG. Bugs weren't exactly a common thing back then. I guess quality control actually existed.

Once the Nintendo 64 and Sony Playstation came about, things got a little more interesting for me. I had always been into cheating, but these were the first systems with cheat devices that made it easy to make your own cheats. I spent the better part of 5 or 6 years making codes heavily, and I still make some on occasion. I even took to writing my own software to aid in the cheat finding. I was the a webmaster/administrator at one of the biggest code sites on the internet for a while. I got tired of dealing with stupid newbies on the forums, as well as some of the assholes on the staff, so that ended just like all my real jobs do. I keep a copy of all my created codes on my own site and frequent a few others now.

After the golden days of gaming, things started to take a turn for the worst. Nintendo was the first to go down the shitter, in my opinion. The Gamecube was a joke. It looks like a damn toy, and most of the games aren't very enjoyable as far as I'm concerned. The controller is too small and weird. The power cord even has issues. They put a heavy fucking brick in the middle of a short power cord. I can't set the GC on a table unless I plug it into an extension cord because if I leave that big AC adapter, or whatever the stupid thing is, hang down, the plug will probably pull out of the GC (or just pull the damn thing off the table). Yes, the politically correct abbreviation for GameCube is "GCN." Well, I think that's fucking stupid to, so I always called it a "GC," or a pile of shit.

The games for the GC were a joke too. It's mostly kiddified bullshit. I mean shit a 4th grader would probably get bored with. I wanted to puke when I first saw the info about Mario Sunshine. The game looks so stupid. Mario has a water gun attached to his back. Well, at least we know he won't get thirsty while he's looking for sunflowers or whatever stupid shit he's supposed to do now. Oh, wait, I know! It's for giving Bowser an enema! Oh that'll be sooo much fun! Now we know what Luigi's vacuum is really for--cleaning up Bowser turds! As far as Luigi's Mansion goes, I think it's one of the dumbest games on the planet. Luigi doesn't even know how to punch or anything! He just stands there whistling with a shit-eating grin on his face like he finally got some head from Peach while Mario wasn't around. What other games did Nintendo make? Well, there's ZooCube, if you're an 8 year old with a lower than average IQ. Then there are the 3rd party developers that ported all their shit and kiddyfied it for Cube. Yay, let's have another dumb Sonic Adventure game. Those 3D Sonic games suck. I played the demo of SA when I had a Dreamcast and it was dumb just like Sonic 3D Blast on Genesis. Sonic is only good as a 2D game. Let it go!

The Xbox was Microsoft's first attempt at a game console, and it wasn't bad. Other people bitched about the controller, but I thought it was good. The power and A/V cords were fucking short though. The weird thing about Xbox was that it was basically the same as a computer. I also found it pretty funny that Microsoft was able to secure the system so well in comparison to other consoles, especially considering their constant security failings in the PC software market.

Playstation 2 was a pretty nice system. I probably spent as much time playing it as Xbox. The controllers and cables are pretty much the same as PS1, but at least they're black instead of that gay white/gray color. PS2 has some of the best games I've ever played. GTA3 is fun since you have so much freedom: do a drive by in a gang neighborhood and wait for the ambulance to show up so you can steal it and run over the goons that were driving it, then go get back in your Banshee and pickup a hooker to refill your health.

I was also happy when I heard that the Xbox launched here first. Then I laughed my ass off when I heard that Japan didn't get Halo as a launch title. I hope MS continues to screw the japs in return for all the years we've gotten screwed by them. I'm tired of waiting months or even years for US releases of games that came out in Japan first. Here's an idea: release the games to all countries at the same fucking time or don't bother. Another problem is when assholes like Square Enix release a better version of a game in Japan after we get the US release. Better yet, some titles that have been released in Japan with new features also have English language options, but they refuse to release a version compatible with American consoles! That's just insane. Region coding is fuckin stupid to begin with. There's no legitimate reason whatsoever to lock software so it only plays on consoles made in the region the game is released.

The current generation is the worst though. What the fuck is wrong with gaming now? Between consoles getting fried by shit hardware and games that take longer to install than to play, I hardly know where to begin. The gaming industry makes me sick. I miss N64. I miss gamesharks letting me 0wn games when they piss me off.

Computers aren't even safe now that we have this "Vista Only" shit and "Games for Windows." Games have been for Windows since 1995. Fuck off! If the fact they're trying to shove Vista down our throats isn't bad enough, check out the protection on these games. You can't even have certain CD burning/imaging programs installed or some games refuse to run. What the flying blue fuck cheese balls!?!? Dictating what can and can't be installed on my machine for a game to run? Hell no, fuck you, eat shit, go suck an ostrich egg motherfuckers! There's always a patch, so why bother? Why must these companies waste millions on anti-piracy junk that never works? YOU WILL NEVER WIN! Not only that, but some of it has even caused system vulnerabilities. Nice job, StarFuck. Computer games practically deserve to be pirated these days. I've noticed the past several years that it's not worth buying PC games. Why buy them if you practically have to crack the goddamn things to play them anyway!? I don't have 50 CD-rom drives and I'm not looking for a different CD every time I wanna play a goddamn game. Most gamers prefer to play using virtual drives or patched executables rather than inserting a dumbass disc all the time. Now they're doing so much to try and prevent piracy that it's crippling the people who want to play them without cracking them. The online activation shit for using games now is the worst. I refuse to do that shit. I got tired of it back in the days of Microsoft Office 2000 after my copy broke because I reinstalled it too many times. That's right. After you active a game once or twice, it becomes damn near impossible to do it again. That means if your HDD crashes or Windows shits the bed, you won't be able to reinstall your software without going through customer service hell on the phone. Marvelous! Maybe they should put some of that anti-piracy money and time into making games that actually run properly! These greedy, corporate, incompetent stains on humanity actually believe that making their software so incredibly inconvenient to use that the people who buy it have to jump through hoops to get it running will actually make them more money! Somebody call Guinness. These guys have their heads up their asses so far it's probably some kind of record.

Let's move onto Xbox 360, and continue the Microsoft hate. Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably heard about the absurdly high failure rate on 360s. Oops! Maybe they'll get it right with the latest revision, Jasper. I've seen a brand new Falcon act shit in less than 3 weeks, so I'm not holding my breath on Jasper. That New Xbox Experience bullshit will probably undo any progress made in the hardware department anyway. Plus, it looks like ass, smelly sumo ass! Bugs have already been found, like HDMI not working with certain TVs and apparently causing RRoD. Only Microshaft could bring us a blue screen of death (BSoD) for consoles! The wireless controllers are shit, but they're nicer than Sony's shit. At least we can change the fucking batteries...every 15 minutes. They make wired controllers too, but not in black (until slim 360s came about). Memory cards don't come in black either, just fugly white. It's the most expensive, ugly fucking 512 meg flash drive you'll probably ever see. Oh, did I mention, it's fucking useless? That's right. I was worried about losing game data if my console fails or I sell it and forget about the saves again. Having a backup is always a good idea. Anyone with a computer will tell you that, right? Well, Microshaft apparently disagrees. They've put in something that allows game developers to lock save data so it can't be copied or moved between devices. Fuck if I'm going to unlock everything on these games again in the event of an HDD failure. I'm already dizzy from the shitty camera angles on Devil May Cry 4. Am I running forward? Oh, the camera changed, now I'm going backwards. Fuck you, sideways!

Ok, now onto some bigger dicks. Anybody got a PS3? Great. Reminds you of Windows 95, don't it? Put in a game, wait a few hours, and maybe you can actually play it! Those things have what, a 5400RPM hard drive (or was it 4800)? It's not a fuckin laptop! Give it some power, you stupid bastards! The BD drive being like 0.5X doesn't help matters either. What, NORMAL 7200RPM hard drives are too expensive? If that wasn't bad enough, we can't even put in our own. Guess what, the game developers code the games to EXPECT slow shit! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? The games should be coded to run, not expect certain transfer speeds for fuck sakes. I heard people having issues just because they tried to use a 7200rpm hard drive. Well, I guess using a WD Raptor is out. We'll just be stuck with this slow ass bullshit because of some narrow minded prick that's writing these data access routines. I wouldn't let these fuckers program a VCR, and these companies are letting them write videogames? Then there's Blu-Ray. Great picture quality, but DRMed out the ass and nobody is content with simply making the fucking movie play. No, they have to throw in all this bullshit extra programming that keeps requiring firmware updates to play a fucking movie that's encoded with the same A/V codecs as every other BD movie. Great plan. I applaud the Bluetooth remote though. I'm tired of having to point remotes at just the right spot for them to work. The universal remote junkies need to quit whining about it. The wireless controllers are shit though. The L/R triggers suck balls, and if the battery ever quits working (as rechargeable ones do eventually) you have to buy a new controller. Two points to Sony for finding a new way to fuck gamers over though.

Last of the 3 big dicks would be Nintendough. Yeah, they're just raking in the dough on that Wii shit, along with 12 versions of fucking Gameboy. I hope some kid goes on a school rampage with one of those Wii nunchucks or those stupid guitars. That'd be the only thing that would make Wii the least bit entertaining, in my opinion. THIS is the future? Touch screens and Wiimotes? I'll pass. Oh, and please stop fucking up classic games like Mario64 by porting and butchering them. I find the entire idea of the Wii to be absurd, but the Punch-Out remake forced me to get one. So far, I stand by all my original comments. This is insane. You can't even toggle settings or navigate system menus in the fucking thing without waving the Wiimote around like an idiot. Would it really be that difficult to enable the directional pad on the fucking thing too!? No, don't give people the option to do things in a halfway normal way. That'd make too much sense. There also doesn't appear to be an option to disable the vibration of the damn thing. I hate that shit. I also heard that the system was intended to be available in multiple colors, but we're stuck with shitty white ones because of the constant supply issues. Not fair. NOT FUCKING FAIR! Black should always be an option. Of all my electronics, the only thing that matches it is my goddamn Dreamcast. As far as this motion control shit goes, you can shove it. The technology for full VR should be there by now. Go all or nothing. What's the idea of only providing analog output? I don't care if it's only 480p, it should have the option of digital hookups like everything the fuck else currently does. And why are all the buttons so fucking tiny!? It's wiitarded. The even worse news is both Microsoft and Sony are doing similar motion control shit. I hope at least one of them is smart enough not kill regular controllers. I guess it would save me a shitload of money if they did though.

Also, What the hell happened to built in cheats? DRMing the fuck out of these systems to block cheat devices wasn't enough? There's hardly anything in games to unlock anymore, and half of what is unlockable is fucking dumb. It's all achievements now. A real achievement would be for these programmers to put away whatever they're snorting and make some better games. At least EA lost the Bond license. Can't imagine why *roll eyes*. Then those assholes actually had the balls the try to ruin, excuse me "buy", TakeTwo (the GTA developers!!). Wrestling games suck now. I haven't liked a Smackdown game since Shut Your mouth. All they do is update the roster and add more load screens. What the fuck are these guys smoking? How can people stand seeing a load screen every time they press a button!? "Oh, but the graphics are pretty!" Games used to be about gameplay. Nobody gave a fuck how pixelated Mario used to look while he burnt off Bowser's dick with fireballs. They still play the old Mario games because the gameplay was actually good. Back on the topic of wrestling, what the fuck happened to AKI? No Mercy and Wrestlemania 2000 are still the best wrestling games of all time. We used to get different games on each system, but now Yukes shovels out the same shit for every system. Fan-fucking-tastic. Fighting games mostly went to shit too. Fighters in games used to be responsive, quick actions. Now everything is fucking slow motion. How the fuck does anyone stand these new games? It takes a full 10 seconds to pull off a punch or kick. What's the point?

Then you have Capcom, who only has 1 goddamn team that knows how to program decent controls and cameras. The guys the did the Devil May Cry games are awesome. The rest of the games teams program like deranged chimps on crack. Somebody must've been smoking some good shit if they could test Devil May Cry then test Onimusha and claim the controls were actually good. Onimusha itself was great, but the controls were complete shit. Then Capcom had the balls to postpone most of their 2010 line up to spread out the release dates. They wanted to keep titles from competing with each other or some shit. There was a whole article about that total fan fuckover on Kotaku. Another issue is the lack of honest reviewing for games. The goddamn game companies apparently pay the major game magazines/sites to give favorable reviews. I heard about a reviewer getting fired from Gamespot or some place for being honest about what a pile of shit a game was. Yes, another fine example of money and power kicking the truth to the curb, and a complete lack of ethics and/or logic on the part of an industry that caters primarily to young adults. Imagine that. Sorry, we're not giving you the new Dead Rising when we said we were because we're lazy, greedy, sons of bitches and want to spread the releases throughout the year. Oh yeah, and we're gonna pay off a shitload of people to lie and say how good the game is, so you waste your money on it.

What is it with people and these stupid handheld systems? They're nothing but a waste of money, and nintenblo is dominating the market for some insane reason. How can people be so dumb as to pay for polished up versions of the same games they bought for NES/SNES 10 years ago!? It's even dumber when you consider that you can play them on your computer for free, but that's beside the point. In all fairness, Sega Game Gear was dumb too, but Sega Nomad was a good handheld. Why? Because the Nomad played actual Sega Genesis Cartridges. Yes, a portable way to play the same kick ass Genesis games you play at home. How old is the Nomad? I dunno, but it took Nintenblo years to make a handheld that could play SNES games. But did they make it take the actual SNES cartridges? Nooooo. They want to rip everyone off and make them buy the same games again at $40 a pop. They could've easily made a handheld that plays N64 games (the actual cartridges), but they won't. Sony should release a PS1 in the form of a laptop computer or similar. Imagine playing FF7 on a long road trip. You could be on a bus from New York to Vegas and not finish that game till you're on your way home. LMAO

Why do people like that Gameboy shit so much? It's stupid. Yeah, let's go play Super Mario World on a 5 inch screen. Piss on that. This is the 21st century. We should be able to play kick ass console games on the road and not have these separate systems. I mean wtf? Those GC discs look like they were made for a damn handheld anyway. Sega had the right idea, but Nintendo and Sony are too money hungry go to use it. The Dual Screen shit is surprisingly worse. The system is just absurd. They're forcing people to play games on touch screens and shit instead of giving real controls. As an old school gamer, I won't touch the shit. I wish the novelty of the crazy shit would wear off and these companies would realize that some people want real games with real controllers.

I primarily play Xbox360 these days, and I finally got a real internet connection that allows me to go on Xbox Live. I must say, it's shit. Not so much the service, but the type of people who play the games on it. Halo Reach is one of the worst things to play online. There are so many worthless cocksuckers on that game it's unreal. People that leave their player idle in firefight all day to rank up. Did the devs fix the credit payouts to stop it from happening? Nope. But they'll make a half ass attempt to control it through bans and rank resets. Oh, and legit players are limited in how much they rank up in order to slow down boosters. WHAT THE FUCK? Yeah, more protections against the bad players fucking over the legit ones. Then of course you have people that shoot you in the face in co-op modes with no consequences whatsoever. Don't bother playing the competitive game types either. There are so many assholes you'd think it was a gay porno convention. People talk shit so much it's just not worth it. They "teabag" your body when they kill you. Total shit. There's a game type called SWAT where you have no shields. A headshot is a one shot kill. It's supposed to be about shooting skill and awareness, but all the "pro" douche bags turn it into a leap frog contest. Jump constantly and try to live longer. That's not skill. I don't give a fuck how you slice it. Then of course there are idiots with lag switches or even bigger idiots that use wireless or equally shitty internet causing the game to lag horribly. Feels like playing on dialup at times. Plus you're always getting invite to join people's lame clans. I ignore them all. Far as I'm concerned, clans are for kids and hillbillies.

It's Just a Game

Why do these idiots get paid so much to play games on TV, and why is it forced down our throats? Sports really piss me off. Most of them are just plain fuckin stupid, and none of them should be on TV. With 900+ channels, why must the sports shit still bump other shows to air on CBS etc and cause repeats to be aired on competing channels? Why must NBC/CBS/ABC show such complete shit programming on the weekends!? It's Saturday, and all of a sudden every fucking network thinks they're ESPN. Hell, they even cut in during the week for shit. They cut out the CBS soaps for tennis and college fucking basketball every year. COLLEGE basketball! Not even NBA! What the fuck!? What's next, cutting out prime time shows to air high school sports? Give me a goddamn break. The fucking schools nowadays are more interested in sports than education. It's bullshit. You just know some of the same shit you see on TV is really happening too; stupid jocks getting their grades fixed because they're good at their dumb ass game, crimes being covered up to keep the assholes out of jail when they do shit other people would get locked up/expelled for. Fuck sports!

The pre-game shows are probably the most annoying thing. Why must they always have some asshole sing the national anthem in the shittiest way possible? No one wants to hear that horrible high-pitched shit that these idiots do when they sing it. I don't give a fuck if it was intended that way or not. It sounds like shit! Do these assholes ever listen to how bad they sound? Oh, they wear earplugs on stage so they don't have to!

Racing: Where do I start? Holy shit this is stupid. Driving 500 laps in a fucking circle and making 50 pit stops? What are we trying to prove here? Who has the fastest car or who can stay awake the longest!? It's all about making lame ass pit stops at the right time until like the last few laps. Complete stupidity. That's not racing, it's a waste of fuel and rubber. I hear there's even a speed limit on some races. What-the-fuck? It's a RACE. Holy shit! The stupidity amazes me. People actually watch this shit??? Why the fuck would you want to race cars that are all built to be equal (CRIPPLED!)? What's the point? That's NOT racing. Watch Fast and The Furious sometime. That's what racing should be.

Hockey: Well, other than the fact it's one of the lowest scoring goddamn sports I ever saw (make the goal a little bigger or put the fuckin goalie on a diet), there's a lot of completely pointless rules. Off Sides? WTF!? If a player crosses the center line before the puck reaches him he's off sides. Well, I don't know about you, but I'd be looking at a lot of other shit before I wanted to pay attention to a fucking line on the floor (like the puck or the assholes trying to run you the fuck over!). Icing? Hitting the puck toward the goal is only allowed if you're close enough to it? fuck you. It amazes me people actually pay for tickets to go and watch this shit. Imagine, they pay for tickets to go sit somewhere and freeze their asses off while some idiots are playing a game and taking breaking to beat the shit out of each other. I guess boxing on ice takes more skill than real boxing though.

Football: A 1 hour game clock, but the game lasts like 5 hours by the time they're done fucking around. Really now. Plus, they have to throw in a fucking pre-game show and post-game show. WTF? Shut the hell up. It's a game. Let them fucking play, and let that be the end of it! The only thing I find amusing about football are the fun movies (i.e. The Replacements). There are also the dumbass kickers. They only have 1 job: kick the fucking ball! How do they manage to screw that up so much? If you can't get the ball to go dead center between the uprights from the 1(?) yard line for the extra point, stay the fuck off the field. The referees piss me off too. Why the fuck do they have to echo on TV every time they get shown making a goddamn call!? Has no one realized how fuckin irritating that shit is!? Then everyone goes batshit half the time because the assholes screw up the calls anyway. I guess each team is allowed a few challenges now to have the referees check the replay video or something? Why not plant a referee in front of the fucking TV to begin with!? Then if the ones on the field fuck up, he can step in and fix it. Nah, that'd make too much sense. Heaven forbid anyone try to use some fucking logic. They pay the goddamn players a fortune every year. What's one more ref?

Basketball: Who the fuck wants to watch a bunch of assholes running back and forth across a court squeaking their goddamn shoes the whole time and getting called for fouls even though most of the assholes couldn't make a free throw to save their life?

Golf: Just plain stupid. Yeah, let's go hit a golf ball a couple hundred yards at a time and try to get it to a hole. Bullshit. I wanna see these guys play miniature golf. Let's see how good a mood Tiger Woods is in after fucking around with a windmill for half an hour! And wtf is with these assholes and putting down a marker for their ball when it's only like 4 feet from the goddamn hole!? Just put it in and be done, numbnuts! My parents had golf on during dinner the other day and I saw this one guy miss a 2 foot putt. Why the hell is he on TV!?

Horse Racing: WTF? This is an outdated, elitist fucking thing that's only purpose nowadays is for people to fucking gamble on. Yet, they put it on fucking TV! What asshole decided horse racing was a good idea to include in Saturday programming!?!? Not only that, but they spend more time talking about the fucking race before and after then they do showing the goddamn thing!

Tennis: What the hell is this shit? Oh, That guy has X number of set points, this many aces, and some deuces. Great. What the fuck is the difference!? And why does it sound like a goddamn poker game? Those games go on entirely too fucking long. Have you ever noticed the assholes are too lazy to even pick up the fucking balls? Once that ball goes down, they make some idiot run out and pick it up for them. Lazy bastards. Ever see how often these idiots slam the ball straight into the net on the serve? I don't know much about tennis, but I know the ball is supposed to go OVER the net! These people are supposed to be professionals and they look like complete idiots out there. I can't believe they cut out the CBS soaps for shit like the U.S. Open. There's another dumbass thing. It's called the U.S. Open, but I don't think I've seen one fucking American on there. You can't understand any of these idiots when they get interviewed. What a lousy show. Now if they tried to hit each other with the ball once in a while, that might be entertaining. Dodgeball with smaller balls. Why not? First person to get knocked out or hit in the nuts looses or most hits after a certain amount of time. First to 21 bruises? whatever. It'd be a lot more fuckin entertaining than the shit they do now. I still don't understand how people can stand to watch it without the TV muted. Holy hell. Every time somebody hits the ball they scream as if they got hit by the motherfucker. "Uhhhh! Aahhh!" Close your goddamn mouth, asshole!

Bowling: Bowling is another sport that has managed to inspire an entertaining movie or two, but it's not that goddamn interesting. I've bowled. I have yet to understand the need for those goddamn shoes. I mean what asshole came up with this? I think it's just an excuse for the morons that run the alleys to gouge you for more money. I mean who bothers to buy their own bowling shoes unless they really go a lot? It's kind of funny if you think about it. People actually pay to wear the same funky, fungus filled shoes 100 other people have worn! Maybe with all the paranoid germaphobes we'll start seeing bowling shoes actually sell a bit better.

Olympics: How is any of this shit considered sports??? For that matter, why is it that most of the people on "team USA" aren't even fucking American!?!? "Michelle Qwan" - The name says it all. There are Canadians, Asians, etc. How the hell are these countries supposed to compete against each other when half the best athletes from those countries are on other fucking teams!? You want to be in the Olympics, compete for the right goddamn country. These idiots do nothing but train all the time. They have no lives outside that shit. They starve themselves to keep their weight down. What the fuck kind of life is that? All in pursuit of a fucking hunk of metal. GET A LIFE!

Gymnastics/Floor exercise - WTF is with all that stupid prancing and posing. Do shit that actually requires some kind of fucking skill!

Diving and Synchronized Diving - What the flying fuck? Do people have nothing better to do than judge how some asshole lands in the water? That's fucking lame.

Ice skating - Another "WTF!?!?" Stupid prancing and posing shit. Really. If you call that a sport, let's add pole/belly dancing while we're at it. At least that'd be fuckin entertaining.

Sledding/Skiing - Once again, STUPID. Put some trees and obstacles in there to make it interesting. I wanna see some idiot land in a tree, nuts first. That'd be halfway entertaining. Then there are these idiots that think cross country skiing is a sport. What crackhead thought that shit up? Have you ever seen that stupid shit? They might as well be having potato sack races!

Dodgeball should be a sport. Now that's fun shit! :-D

What about the cost of some of this shit? They raise the sales tax and stuff in some states to pay for new stadiums. FUCK YOU! I'm not a sports fan, and I shouldn't have to pay out to support the shit. If you want more money, raise the fuckin ticket prices. Let the goddamn fans pay for the shit if they want it that bad. Better yet, tax the 20 million a year some of the fucking players make!

Stuck in Traffic on the Information Super Highway

I've had internet access for over 12 years now, but I was still stuck on 56k dialup until last year. Yes, it's insane, but I had no other viable option. I live in an area that nobody gives a shit about, so there's no DSL/cable service available. Dish and cellular/wifi access is a joke. The bastards set less than sane limitation on the amount that you can download every month, and they refuse to negotiate the plans at all. I don't mind paying a premium for internet access if it's actually worth using, but i'm not paying for a faster connection that's limited to download less per month than my fucking dialup connection! Last fall, we finally got DSL here. It's the slowest DSL possible, but still DSL. It's a nice boost compared to dialup, anyway.

Despite being on dialup, I've spent quite a lot of time online. I find most of my experiences to be just as irritating as offline. You meet the same kind of assholes that want to censor everything, and paranoid fucksticks that won't even allow any mention of anything that has questionable legalities. There are also the lazy, mentally challenged sons of bitches that insist on typing everything in AOLspeak garbage. At least the stupid ones are basically harmless. However, there are plenty of malicious, maladjusted motherfuckers online that seek to destroy our porn collections and important documents with virii and trojans. Then these goddamn companies want to charge premium prices for bloatware anti-virus software that'll hog 10 times the amount of system resources it needs. Virus protection should be free. There's plenty of porn to be found online, as most people know. With all the virii and trojans to be found while looking for porn, it's almost as dangerous as real sex though. Some people have a problem with porn. I fuckin love it!

Another irritating piece of bullshit that's gaining popularity online is registering on sites. Forums and social networking sites were one thing, but now these assholes want to make us register for EVERYTHING! There's no reason to require registration to download public domain files or to find out what the fuck is on TV!

Computers can be annoying as hell even when they're safe. Pick up a 1 terrabyte hard drive and you're getting a lot less than that because the HDD manufacturers refuse to acknowledge their mistakes. They insist on counting in multiples of 1000 instead of 1024 like the goddamn computer does. What the fuck sense does that make!? Quality control is also shit nowadays, so don't expect anything to last long.

What about printers? Why does everyone put up with constantly getting raped for ink? Does anyone realize that ink is more expensive than blood at this point? Hell, it's probably more expensive than premium gas! What the fuck gives? You pay $30 for an ink cartridge and it lasts for 20 fuckin pages cause there's only a quarter ounce of ink actually in it!! And they keep making them smaller! Another thing I've obvserved about printing is that after all the years of making printers for STANDARD 8.5x11 paper, it's still bloody impossible to get most printers to print all the way out to the edges of the paper properly. Am I the only one confused by this!? It's like hot dogs and hot dog buns all over again. Get your fucking sizes coordinated, assholes!

With Liberty and Injustice For All

Growing up, I never liked my grandmother on my father's side. I knew there was something fucked up about her. Well, when I was around 15, my gut was proven right, along with my mother's intuition. My grandfather wanted my father to have the farm that had been in the family name since the Civil War. I think my father was a fuckin idiot for moving us out here, especially after being a slave to his parents here his entire life, but here we are. My grandparents moved to this little house right next door to the farm. We fixed up the old farm house and started moving things in, but the damn thing burnt down before we actually got to live in it. We always suspected foul play since my mother had pissed off the company she worked for with a civil suit and things were pretty nasty. Moving on, we got a new house built in the same spot as the old one. The Amish built this one and, contrary to popular belief, they are NOT good carpenters. They can build decent furniture, sure, but they don't know shit about sealing things to keep bugs/water out. I've also found that not one goddamn door in this house closes properly.

After my grandfather died, my grandmother got remarried. She came right out and said the new guy had no looks but lots of money. Guess it just goes to show there's no age limit on being a gold digger. Then she comes down to the house one day and says to my father, "the farm is worth more now, I want it back." She always wanted her daughter to have everything and him to end up with nothing, and her daughter wanted that too. So she tries to sue us claiming default on the mortgage and refuses payment, etc. She also stopped getting my father to sign the dividend checks for the stock she had in both their names. We found out she was forging his name to the checks. Then later, she took my grandfather's death certificate to the bank and used it to transfer the stock out of my father's name. They had the same name (junior and senior), and the bank let her get away with it. Then they refused to prosecute her when we figured it out! The district attorney refused to prosecute this bitch for fraud and forgery or anything else because "she's too old to prosecute." There's justice for you. She stole from her own mother, as well as forging a power of attorney to steal all of her mother-in-law's money after my great grandfather croaked. She continued to steal from the estates of her aunts after we got her off our backs. The banks even let her get away with taking money from CDs/accounts that were already in other relatives names payable on death. She also filed an illegal survey to steal property from neighbors when she sold her house. Everyone covers her ass and screws anyone that tries to set things right. The IRS wouldn't go after her for tax evasion either, despite being handed proof. Investigating an old lady is bad press, but letting someone get away with so much is okay!? This old bat has committed more crimes than you can shake a stick at and she's still walking free. Anyone else would be locked up for two lifetimes.

The personal experience of being screwed by the "justice" system doesn't stop there. A few years ago, my mother and I were in a car accident. She was driving, some old fart in a Nissan fucking Altima runs the red light in front of Wal-Mart, and slams right into us doing at least 40 without touching his brakes. The asshole bounces off our Silverado and tries to drive up a lamp post. Despite the fact there were 3 witnesses, the guy got out of the ticket because he knew the goddamn judge! I knew the lawyers would fuck us in the civil suit too, so it came as no surprise when they did. I told my parents I didn't want involved, but the assholes wouldn't take "no" for an answer. As usual, they thought they fuckin knew everything.

The justice system is complete shit. Your fate is decided by 12 people that are forced to sit there and listen to the case. How did jury duty override personal freedom? What the fuck gives the courts the right to throw you in jail if you don't show up or refuse to take part when summoned for jury duty!? That's not freedom. They used to only hit the idiots who were registered to vote, but now they go after everyone. I'm not registered to vote, and I don't want any part of this corrupt fucking justice system or government. Leave me the fuck alone! Moreover, they can decide to sequester the goddamn jury to keep them from discussing the case with anyone. Ever heard of unlawful imprisonment, assholes? People will be people. They'll form their opinions based on any goddamn thing under the sun and there isn't shit you can do about it. Keeping them from going home to their family at the end of the day isn't going to get anyone to like the justice system anymore. I'd hold out and cause a hung jury just as a 'fuck you' to the court.

Speaking of courtrooms, how the fuck do hats interfere with court procedure? Court dress code is another bullshit rule that interferes with freedom of expression. Do they make nuns uncover their heads too? How bout Jewish guys with those little half ass hats?

What about prostitution laws? Those are borderline unconstitutional, if you think about it. How can anyone say a woman doesn't have a right to charge for access to her pussy? It's like George Carlin used to say, "Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn't selling fucking legal?" There's no logical reason to make it illegal. It's the bible thumpers. The only difference between prostitution and porn is the video camera. Why hasn't anyone thought to open some whore houses and just videotape everything to make it legal? Yes, I already talked about this, but I thought it was mildly important.

Gambling is a problem too. It's legal in some states and illegal in others. What the fuck gives? Oh, but all the states have their lottery shit. So they can take peoples' money for gambling, but nobody else can. Isn't that the definition of tyranny? When the government can do it, but the people can't. I think it's stupid anyway, but it should still be 100% legal everywhere.

Am I the only one that can't stand this censorship bullshit? These fucking bible thumpers hide behind the guise of protecting the children. Free speech is an absolute fucking right. Fuck "the children." They'll hear the same shit eventually, so why try to hide them from the real world? It just makes it more of a shock later. What rancid douche bag came up with this list of words that are part of the English language, but nobody is actually supposed to use them? There's no logical reason to keep anyone from using those words. It's completely insane, but nobody cares. The FCC needs to go the fuck away. Fining people for using specific words on TV/radio? What ever happened to "sticks and stones can break my bones but WORDS can never hurt me?" These fucking anti-freedom groups spam the FCC, and the FCC is stupid enough to keep imposing restrictions. It shouldn't be about a few thousand people that complain. It should be about the six fucking billion that don't give a shit! What gives these pompous assholes the right to impose their morals on the rest of us? Call me crazy, but I don't think the bible specifically mentions shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. I refuse to actually read the shit to find out, but I'll argue the point anyway.

Why must people be such prudes? They hide behind this saving the children bullshit. All the while, the "children" are emailing naked pictures to their friends. High school and college students party and parents flip out. "Oh what if someone sees those pictures? What if a college or prospective employer sees them?" If it's a guy, he'd probably hire the girl on the spot. Either way, it shouldn't be such an issue. Why do people have such a problem with fucking? Everybody's doing or everybody wants to be doing it. Shut the fuck up.

Why are networks allowed to censor movies? They censor TV, which is outright unconstitutional, but the motherfuckers get away with it. Movies are art. They're copyrighted work. The networks should have to show them unaltered, unmolested, un-fucking-censored, or not at all. They should have no right to mutilate the director's hard work. Why don't directors, producers, or SOMEBODY take a stand against this shit? Musicians get fucked the same way by the radio stations. Why do they sit back and take it!?

Why do parents expect everyone the fuck else to protect their kids nowadays? Goddamn stores ask for ID for everything from DVDs and video games to smokes and ammo. What's next? ID for condom purchases!?!? Parents pay people to take care of their kids while they go to work or go out and play. The rich pricks even hire nannies to live with them and constantly deal with the kids so they don't have to. They send their kids away to boarding schools. Why do these assholes have kids if they don't have time to fucking raise them? On the flip side, some women waste their time going through college, law school, or medical school and never actually use their eduction because they turn around and start having kids. Isn't our society full of brilliant people?

What about the complete lack of logic in age restrictions for buying things? You can buy a gun at 18, but you can't buy a pistol until you're 21. You can't even buy BULLETS in pistol caliber until you're 21. WTF? You can drive, but you can't drink. Maybe that one should be the other way around. Learn to drink responsibly BEFORE you're allowed to drive. It's all bullshit. You're either an adult at 18 or you're not. These '21' laws need to go.

What about hunting regulations? Yeah, more bullshit. You're allowed to use a crossbow for archery, but only if you're fucked up--excuse me, handicapped. What kind of silly shit is that? They ban semi-auto weapons too. You're allowed one buck in deer season. It shouldn't matter if you kill it with a fucking Howitzer.

Then there are these insane city ordinances everywhere, requiring and banning certain things they have no fucking business regulating. I heard in some places they require you to sort your garbage for recycling. FUCK YOU! Nobody forces that green shit on me. There's no reason a city/state/whatever should have the right to force everyone to sort their garbage. You can't force people to care about the planet.

Speaking of the planet, these global warming zealots need to shut the fuck up too. Emissions regulations on vehicles are complete bullshit. Assholes want everyone to spend a fortune on energy efficient shit. You go green, fuckheads. The only green I need is what's in my wallet.

We also have these bullshit neighborhoods that somehow require people to keep their cars in their garages, keep the garage doors closed all the time, don't allow you to work on your car in your own fucking driveway, etc. People actually put up with this shit?!!? Not me. Bullshit, fuck off, eat my shorts, suck my dick, go fuck yourself! Did I mention I don't deal well with arbitrary rules? You can all take your homeowner's associations and cram them.

They Fuck You at the Hospital, Okay?

First they drug you. Then they fuck you....Ok, seriously though. The healthcare system is shit. The idiot politicians have now decided that being without health insurance should be a prosecutable offense too. Yes, that'll fix everything. If you're a bum, they'll give you insurance. If you make money, you gotta get your own. Once again, either you're poor or somebody is trying to make your poor. The insurance system is bullshit anyway. The drug companies are half the problem. They're greedy sons of bitches, but we know that. The real problem is the unfair pricing practices. The insurance companies might pay $2 a pill for something, but people without insurance have to pay $20 a pill. What the fuck kind of monkey shit is that? How is that fair business practice? You'd think there'd be some law against charging different customers different prices for the same exact thing. If it didn't cost $50 per pill, we wouldn't need insurance. If it didn't cost 1000 bucks for a plain old x-ray, we wouldn't need insurance either. The prices are outrageous. They charge a fortune for each picture they take with these machines. It doesn't matter if it's the newer petscan stuff or ~50 year old x-ray technology.

Aside from the costs, the insurance really pisses me off. I used to rarely go to doctors. Now my parents have me going to shrinks, and I have an orthopedic doctor for my back and neck because of a car accident. I've been seeing this doctor for 3 or 4 years now, but I still need a referral from my family doctor for every goddamn appointment. It's fucking stupid. I can usually get it done without actually seeing my family doctor, but it's still bullshit. I should go see my family doctor every time just to make it cost more. These assholes want to inconvenience me, why not make a point? I shouldn't need anyone's fucking permission to schedule an appointment with another doctor. Even so, what doctor is actually going to tell you "No" when you ask for a referral, anyway? It's a completely pointless policy. Why the hell should I go see my family doctor every time I have a scheduled appointment with another doctor?

The shrinks are next to useless too. All they want to do is shove pills down everyone's throats in an attempt to make them functional working class stiffs. I wonder what a shrink would think of me after reading this whole thing. They probably wouldn't take the time to do it anyway. Most doctors try to cram as many patients as possible into the day.

Am I the only one wondering why there still aren't cures for the shit ending in "itis?" I mean, people have been having their appendix and tonsils cut out for what, 50 years or more? When the hell are we going to find a way to cure that shit without surgery!?

Another seemingly unnecessary type of surgery is abortion. I'd be willing to bet there are multiple drugs that can simply cause a miscarriage and let shit come out on it's own. They have drugs to induce labor. What happens if those are taken early on? Why must women still be poked and prodded at for this?

What about the cell phone bullshit at hospitals and doctors' offices? 20 years ago, it might've made sense. Now it's just more bullshit. If there's some equipment still in existence that cell signals can still fuck with, it's time for a goddamn upgrade. EVERYBODY has a fuckin cell phone now, and we're not turning them off for anybody. Hell, the goddamn Social Security office bans them too. What the shit? I'm so tired of bullshit interfering with "progress."

Over Nine Thousand Channels and Nothing is Ever On

What the fuck happened to good TV? Studios are too cheap to pay real actors now, so they shovel out all this reality TV shit. By the way, when does America's Next Top Porn Star begin airing?

R rated movies are few and far between now. The greedy fucking studios are forcing PG-13 shit now to allow for a wider audience. Heaven forbid they actually cater to adults once in a while. Even Die Hard 4 was censored shit! Yeah, we got an unrated DVD, but it's still complete bullshit. That reminds me. Where the fuck is the unrated blu-ray? Then, of course, this 3D fad is picking up. More bullshit.

Saturday morning cartoons are dead too. What happened to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Fantastic 4? Oh no! Those turtles are too violent for little kids, so Sponge Bob and that purple fucking dinosaur took over.

Ever watch America's Funniest Home Videos? Yeah, neither do I. What fucking idiots pick those videos? They have some funny little clips throughout the show, but the ones that are up for the money are total fucking garbage. They should pay us to watch that shit! If that's the funniest America has to offer, we got problems!

The commercials suck too. Some of them are completely retarded. What's with all this anti-smoking shit? They ban tobacco ads, but anti-tobacco ads are ok? Doesn't seem fair to me. Of course, what the fuck ever is? Why are the only halfway decent commercials the ones that air during the Superbowl? Why are we subjected to such mind-numbing stupidity the rest of the year? They spend all the money to make those fucking commercials and only air them once or twice. WHY? For that matter, is there anyone in the whole country that hasn't heard of shit like Budweiser? Come on. Do they actually think the advertising helps sales? I don't.

