(upbeat music)
- [Voiceover] This is you.
Well, it's not you, it's Ali.
But, pretend it's you.
You're getting ready for a date.
This is your outfit.
This is your hair.
You look perfectly fine,
so of course, you hate it.
Here are some helpful tips.
First, make sure to take your hair down
and put it up again as
you're getting ready.
Approximately 37 times.
Step two, try on jewelry you hate
and haven't worn in months.
Maybe you've changed.
Maybe you'll like it now.
You look great.
Except, you hate that dress.
Try spicing it up.
Red, sexy but casual.
Perfect.
Step three, completely lose your shit.
That's good, that's good,
just let it out.
Realize you're about to meet somebody
for a drink at a bar with the hope
that he'll be different
from everybody else.
Realize that dating is
a complete and utter
waste of time.
Even if you do find somebody you'll like,
you'll date for a while
and then the only two options
are breaking up or getting married
and you are completely terrified of both.
But dying alone is too cliché.
So, what other option do you really have?
Just get up.
Try changing your hair just one last time.
Your new outfit is better.
You like it.
You look good.
You don't need that necklace.
This is what you're working with, so,
just accept it and move on.
Step five, time for makeup.
Remember that you're a trash person
who never learned how
to put on makeup good,
but who still feels like
they need to use it.
Look in the mirror and
decide that you're pretty
and you deserve love.
Step six,
calm down, relax.
Have some tea.
Consider how many people
have actually been murdered
by a stranger on the internet.
Maybe just text a few
people to let them know
where you're going.
Yep, that's still what you look like.
Realize that none of it really matters,
so you might as well try to have fun.
Step seven, manage to
successfully overcome
the crushing existential dread,
get up, and go be a person.
(inspiring music)
