( BAND PLAYING
 "LATE SHOW" THEME )
>> FROM SIMULTANEOUSLY
EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE, IT'S
THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID
LETTERMAN
 TONIGHT...
 PLUS PAUL SHAFFER AND THE
 CBS ORCHESTRA.
 I'M ALAN KALTER.
AND NOW, DOWN THE STRETCH HE
COMES, DAVID LETTERMAN!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
 Captioning sponsored by
 WORLDWIDE PANTS and CBS
( BAND PLAYING
 "LATE SHOW" THEME )
>> Dave: HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OKAY, THAT'S IT.
THANK YOU.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: EVERYBODY, THAT'S
NICE.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OKAY.
>> .
>> Dave: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
PLEASE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
PLEASE BE SEATED.
THAT'S GOOD.
YOU KNOW, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
WOW, THAT'S VERY SWEET OF
YOU.
VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.
BUT YOU KNOW, THE SHOW IS
JUST NOT THAT GOOD.
I WISH IT WAS.
WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS WEATHER
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY.
ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELVES?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
UNUSUAL WEATHER FOR NEW YORK
CITY.
TODAY IT WAS 68 AND FOGGY.
(LAUGHTER)
NO, WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S
ME.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S ME.
(APPLAUSE)
LADIES AN GENTLEMEN, TONIGHT
I WILL BE TALKING WITH TOM
HANKS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
NEXT WEEK, I'LL BE AT THE
POST OFFICE TALKING WITH THE
CLERK.
(APPLAUSE)
YEAH, I GOT A FULL DAY
PLANNED.
AND I WILL SWING BY HOME
DEPOT TO PICK UP A
HUMMINGBIRD FEEDER.
MY SON WAS HERE EARLIER
TODAY.
HE'S ALREADY SAYING TO ME,
WATCH IT, POP, THERE'S A
STEP.
(LAUGHTER)
IT'S BEEN PRETTY EMOTIONAL
DAY.
I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT BEGAN.
THIS MORNING, I FINALLY
BROKE THE NEWS TO ALAN.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
WELL, WE HAVE A BRAND-NEW
SEGMENT.
IT'S ENTITLED ME IN TWO
WEEKS.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> A NEW YORK MAN IS FACING
CHARGES ALL BECAUSE HE
COULDN'T GET PACK RONE AND
CHEESE AT A REST STOP.
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: ISN'T THAT THAT GUY
THAT USED TO HAVE A TV SHOW?
WELL, SPEAKING OF TV SHOWS,
CBS, MAN ALIVE, ARE THEY ON
FIRE.
THEY HAVE A BRAND-NEW CRIME
SHOW COMING UP THIS FALL.
IT'S CALLED CSI KOHL SPU-- :
SPU, SPECIAL PARKING UNIT.
(APPLAUSE)
AND I LOVE THIS.
JENNIFER LOPEZ HAS A NEW
SHOW HERE ON CBS, FANTASTIC.
SHE ALSO PLAYS A COP.
AND THE NAME OF THE SHOW IS
CALLED THIS IS A BUST.
(LAUGHTER)
HEY, HERE'S ANOTHER NEW
SEGMENT.
IT'S CALLED JOE BIDEN, WHAT?
>> I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS
VICE PRESIDENT AND WAS WITH
THE PRESIDENT.
AND WE DID THE DISCO FUNK
DANCE TO CONVINCE CONGRESS
TO RESTART THE GOVERNMENT.
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: YOU ALL RIGHT, JOE?
(LAUGHTER)
WELL, LIKE IT OR NOT, THE
PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN HAS
ALREADY BEGUN.
JEB BUSH, JEB BUSH CAME OUT
AGAINST SAME-SEX MARRIAGE,
JEB BUSH, BROTHER OF THE
FORMER PRESIDENT, SON OF THE
FORMER FORMER PRESIDENT CAME
OUT AGAINST SAME SEX
MARRIAGE.
ALSO CAME OUT IN FAVOR OF
THE IRAQ WAR.
(LAUGHTER)
HE CERTAINLY IS A DIFFERENT
KIND OF REPUBLICAN, ISN'T HE?
(LAUGHTER)
JEB SAYS-- 
(APPLAUSE)
JEB SAYS THAT IF YOU LET GAY
PEOPLE GET MARRIED THIS IS
JEB BUSH NOW TALKING, HE
SAYS IF YOU LET GAY PEOPLE
GET MARRIED, NEXT THING YOU
KNOW, WOMEN ARE GOING TO
WANT TO VOTE.
>> Paul: THAT'S RIGHT.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: BY THE WAY, WHOSE'S
AGAINST SAME-FAMILY
PRESIDENTS?
(APPLAUSE)
THEY DID A LENGTHY INTERVIEW
WITH MARCO RUBIO ON FOX NEWS
THIS MORNING.
OR YESTERDAY, WANT IT?
YES, SUNDAY, THEY DID THE
INTERVIEW.
TAKE A LOOK HEAR T WAS ON
FOX.
CHRIS WALLACE.
>> AFTER IT PASSED THE
SENATE AND RAN INTO TROUBLE
IN THE HOUSE, YOU BAILED ON
COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION
REFORM.
HOW COME?
>> MY REFRIGERATOR BROKE
DOWN.
>> SENATOR RUBIO-- 
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: THE WORLD IS A
GREAT PLACE BECAUSE
UNEXPECTED THINGS HAPPEN.
OFTEN THOSE ARE REALLY,
REALLY DELIGHTFUL, LIKE THIS.
MITT ROMNEY TWO TIME
REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL
HOPEFUL BOXED FORMER
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE
WORLD, BOCKED EVANNER HOLY
FEEL, MITT ROMNEY BOXING
EVANDER HOELYFIELD.
(LAUGHTER)
A HORRIBLE MOMENT WHEN
ROMNEY BIT OFF HOLYFIELD'S
OTHER YEAR.
>> Paul: HIS OTHER EAR.
MY GOD.
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: I THINK WE HAVE
FOOTAGE.
IS THIS FOOTAGE.
>> Dave: .
>> Paul: I HOPE SO.
>> Dave: I THINK WE HAVE
FOOTAGE.
LOOK, ROMNEY TAKING A
POUNDING.
WOW.
WOW, THAT'S-- 
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: NOT WHAT MITT HAD
IN MIND.
>> Paul: NOT WHAT HE HAD IN
MIND.
>> Dave: YEAH, HOLLY FEEL
WON THE FIGHT AND IT'S NOT
THE FIRST TIME ROMNEY HAS
BEEN KNOCKED OUT BY A BLACK
GUY.
(APPLAUSE)
LADIES AN GENTLEMEN, MY GOOD
FRIEND PAUL SHAFFER.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Paul: OH, YOU KNOW IT.
THANKS, EVERYBODY LOOK OUT,
COME ON.
>> TOM HANKS ON THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THANKS, EVERYBODY.
>> STAY WITH US FOR THE TOP
TEN THINGS I'LL MISS ABOUT
WORKING AT THE LATE SHOW.
AND TOM HANKS.
TOM HAS MADE 33 GUEST
APPEARANCES ON DAVE'S SHOW.
JUST A FEW MORE YEARS AND
HE'LL HIT 50.
THE LATE SHOW SPONSORED BY
FORD.
WE GO FURTHER, SO
>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
THERE THEY ARE, THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT.
>> Paul: THAT'S THE BAND.
>> Dave: SAM AND DAVE.
>> Paul: THAT'S OUR BAND.
HOW ABOUT THAT BAND.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PAUL.
>> PLEASURE, DAVID.
>> Dave: THE CAT GORE FOR
TONIGHT'S TOP TEN LIST, TOP
TEN THINGS I'LL BUSINESS
ABOUT WORKING AT THE LATE
SHOW.
AND I DONE KNOW IF YOU ARE
LIKE ME, BUT YOU KEEP
FORGETTING, WE'RE GONE, IN
TWO DAYS WE'RE A GHOST.
>> Paul: GONE GIRL.
>> Dave: WE ARE ARE A
MEMORY.
WE ARE JUST-- THE MACHINE
WILL STILL BE SPINNING AND
WE'LL BE GONE.
>> Paul: WE WILL BE OFF
THE --
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
SO WHAT WE HAVE DONE, WE
HAVE GATHERED THE LATE SHOW
STAFF AND ASKED THEM WOULD
THEY PARTICIPATE IN
TONIGHT'S TOP TEN LIST.
OPEN THE THING HERE, PAUL.
HERE WE GO.
>> Dave: AND HERE THEY ARE,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THE SLATE SHOW STAFF AND
CREW.
COME ON OUT, EVERYBODY.
HI, EVERYBODY.
IT'S ME, DAVE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
THIS IS-- I WILL SAY, I
REMEMBER MOST OF YOU GUYS.
(LAUGHTER)
THIS IS VERY SWEET, TOP TEN
THINGS THAT THEY WILL MISS
ABOUT WORKING HERE.
AND YOU KNOW, YOU FORGET,
MAYBE, THAT IT'S IMPORTANT
FOR THESE PEOPLE NOT JUST IN
TERMS OF A JOB, BUT ALSO THE
COMMITMENT TO A FAMILY.
AND SO I FIND THIS
ESPECIALLY TOUCHING.
SO THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: YOU WOULD THINK
MAYBE BIFF COULD TAKE OFF
THE HEAD PHONES, BUT NO.
(LAUGHTER)
JUST GO AHEAD AND LEAVE THEM
ON, BIFF.
>> NO ONE WOULD RECOGNIZE
HIM!
(APPLAUSE)
>> Dave: THEY WILL BE
VIEWING THE BODY AND BIFF
WILL HAVE HEAD PHONES ON.
DAVE, DAVE!
IT'S BIFF.
TOP TEN THINGS, HERE WE GO.
I'LL MISS ABOUT WORKING AT
THE LATE SHOW.
WE HAVE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
BARBARA GAINES, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, RIGHT THERE.
HERES INTERN TODD.
>> Dave: THAT WAS THE DEAL,.
>> Dave: PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT
INTO THAT.
>> Dave: GOOD FOR YOU.
>> Dave: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THE LATE SHOW STAFF AND CREW,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TOM
HANKS, EVERYBODY.
>> Dave: WELL, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, IT DOESN'T GET
ANY BETTER THAN THIS.
OUR FIRST GUEST SAY TWO-TIME
ACADEMY AWARD WINNER AND ONE
OF THE BIGGEST MOVIE STARS
ON THE PLANET.
PLEASE WELCOME THE EXTREMELY
TALENTED, THE ALWAYS
ENTERTAINING, AMERICA'S
SWEETHEART, TOM HANKS.
>> MY BABY DOES THE
HANKY-PANKY ♪
♪ MY BABY DOES THE
HANKY-PANKY ♪
♪ MY BABY DOES THE
HANKY-PANKY ♪
♪ MY BABY DOES THE
HANKY-PANKY ♪
♪.
>> THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> Dave: THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'M JUST LIKE YOU, I'M JUST
LIKE YOU.
YOU KNOW DAVE, THERE HAS
BEEN A LINE-- THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.
>> THERE HAS BEEN A LINE OF
TWO-TIME OSCAR WINNERS
OUTSIDE THIS THEATER FOR THE
LAST MONTH AND A HALF.
>> Dave: YEAH,.
>> HOPING THAT THERE WILL BE
ROOM.
>> Dave: VERY, VERY LUCKY.
CUZ I KNOW ARE YOU BUSY
RIGHT NOW WORKING ON A FILM
ON ANOTHER CONTINENT.
>> I FLEW IN FROM A TIME
ZONE SO FAR AWAY, DAVE T HAS
A MONEY THAT I CAN'T
PRONOUNCE.
>> Dave: NOW I HAPPEN TO
KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORKING
WITH YOUR GOOD FRIEND RON
HOWARD.
>> RON HOWARD.
>> Dave: AND HE'S A PIVOTAL
PART AS THE DIRECTOR IN
GIVING STAGE INSTRUCTIONS.
>> YES, INDEED.
>> Dave: A LOT OF IT WILL
BE --
>> CGI.
>> Dave: COMPUTER GENERATED.
>> THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME I
HAVE WORKED WITH RON,
ANOTHER ROBERT LANGDON "DA
VINCI CODE" THRILLER CALLED
INFERNO.
BUT I'M NOT -- I'M NOT-- I
AM NOT PLUGGING MY FUTURE
FILMS, DAVE.
>> Dave: NO.
>> WE'LL LEAVE THAT TO THOSE
OTHER LESSER SHOWS.
>> Dave: OH, NO.
>> YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU
LIKE.
>> Dave: ANYTHING YOU LIKE.
>> ALL RIGHT, NO, I'M NOT
RAGGING ON ANYBODY.
BUT RON, RON, THIS IS THE
THIRD ONE AND RON SAY
GENIUS.
I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS
GUY.
I'M INSPIRED BY HIM.
HE'S ALSO A PEER.
HE WAS OPIE, HE WAS RITCHIE,
HE TOLD THE WORLD TO EAT MY
DUST IN A MOVIE A LONG TIME
AGO.
AND WE HAD A VERY,
VERY-- IT'S MYSELF AN
FELICITY JONES WHO IS A
WONDERFUL ACTRESS.
AND WE HAD A VERY-- I CALLED
THEM HAIRY SCENES, SCENES
THAT HAVE A LOT GOING ON
RIGHT BEFORE WE SHOOT THEM
IN THE STORY.
AND A LOT GOING ON
AFTERWARDS.
AND FOR ABOUT FIVE HOURS YOU
HAVE TO BE VERY FOCUSED,
VERY INTENSE AN VERY ON
EVERY MOMENT OF THESE SCENES.
LASTS ABOUT TWO MINUTES.
THE DIALOGUE IS IMPORTANT,
THE STORY, MORE PORNLY THE
EMOTIONALITY IS VERY
IMPORTANT.
AND IT'S NOT EASY TO
SUSTAIN.
BUT LUCKILY WITH RON HOWARD,
HE KEEPS US GOING.
>> Dave: AND IT'S GOT TO BE
THERE ON THE SCREEN.
>> IF IT'S NOT, YOU HAVE
WASTED EVERYBODY'S TIME.
AND WHICH YOU MIGHT KNOW A
COUPLE OF THINGS ABOUT.
>> I DON'T KNOW YOU JUST CON
HELP YOURSELF, COULD YOU.
>> I'M JUST PILING ON.
SO WE HAVE A FIRST-- BILL
CONNER WITHOUT I CALL BULL
BASED ON HISTORICAL GUY.
AN BILL CONNER WAS CALLING
OUT THE IMPORTANT CUES
BECAUSE WE ARE CHASED BY
MALEVOLENT HELICOPTER DRONES
IN THIS BIT OF THE MOVIE.
AND THEY HAVE TO FLY AROUND
AND THEY THREATEN US.
AND THEY GO AND THEY COME
BACK AND THEY HOVER AND THEY
GO AWAY AND COME BACK.
WE ALWAYS HAVE TO KNOW WHEN
THAT WAS GOING BECAUSE WE
HAD TO LOOK.
AND BILL WHO ANNOUNCES
EVERYTHING WITH THE SAME
EXACT CADENCE, ALL RIGHT,
WE'RE READY TO G THANK YOU,
PLEASE, FIRST TEAM, THANK
YOU.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THAT
AGAIN, EVERYBODY, FIRST TEAM
AGAIN, THANK YOU.
DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IS GOING
ON.
HE SPEAKS IN THE SAME KIND
OF MONOTENOUS AIRPORT VOICE,
YOU KNOW, KIND OF THING.
I SAID BILL, BILL, I LOVE
YOU, BUT RON, COULD YOU GIVE
US A LITTLE JUICE ON THIS,
BECAUSE THE HELICOPTER HAD
TO HOVER AND GO AWAY.
AND COME BACK AND THREATEN
US.
>> Dave: AND YOU'RE REACTING
AND SOMETHING THAT IS NOT
THERE.
>> FELICITY AND I, WE NEED
SOME JO-JO THERE.
SO RON GOT OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
SO SO READY, ROLLING AN
ACTION AND WE RUN IN AND WE
START DOING OUR DIALOGUE AND
IT'S VERY INTENSE.
AND THEN FROM OFF CAMERA YOU
HEAR.
>> DRONE, HOVERING, HOVERING
-- AND HE'S LOOKING AT THE
MONITOR, RIGHT, SO WE'RE
RIGHT THERE.
AND SO HOVERING!
DRONE!
IT CAME BACK!
IT'S GONE!
NOW IT'S BACK!
IT'S BACK!
HOVERING!
AND WE DID THIS-- WE DID
THIS-- WE WERE SHOOTING
IN-- WE WERE SHOOTING IN
FLORENCE, WHICH ACCORDING TO
MY TALKING POINTS THAT HAVE
BEEN PROVIDED TO ME BY THE
MARKETING DEPARTMENT,
FLORENCE ITALY IS THE BIRTH
PLACE OF THE RENAISSANCE.
SO WE WERE SHOOTING THERE-- 
(LAUGHTER)
>> THEY GIVE US THESE.
WE WERE SHOOTING IN A VERY
FAMOUS PLACE, THE PALAZZO 69
VECHI WHICH THE MED ITCHIES
LIVED IN AND STILL OPEN TO
THE TOURISTS, SO TOURISTS
FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE
HEARING THIS ECOTHROUGHOUT
THIS ANCIENT
PALANCE-- PALACE.
HOVERING!
DRONE!
S YOU SEE THEM?
THEY'RE GONE.
NOW THEY'RE BACK!
SO WE DID THIS FOR LIKE-- WE
DID IT FOR LIKE FIVE HOURS.
>> OH MY GOD.
NOW THIS WILL BE REALLY
SOMETHING EXCITING.
>> OH, THIS IS-- THE-- SUCH
A JERK DAVE BECAUSE THIS
WILL BE A GREAT MOMENT IN
THE MOVIE, PROVIDED NO ONE
HAS SEEN THIS BIT ON YOUR
SHOW.
>> Dave: IT WILL BE EVEN
BIGGER.
>> ACCORDING TO THE TALKING
POINTS THAT THE MARKETING
DEPARTMENT GAVE ME, RULE
NUMBER ONE IS DO NOT
RIDICULE THE MOVIE ARE YOU
IN.
AND HERE I HAVE-- I HAVE
BLOWN IT ALREADY.
SO-- THEY'RE BACK!
>> Dave: THEY'RE BACK!
OH MY GOD.
>> HOVERING!
>> Dave: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH TOM HANKS, EVERYBODY.
>> Dave: TOM HANKS, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
>> YOU AND I GOT TO KNOW
EACH OTHER ABOUT THE 7th
TIME I DID YOUR SHOW BECAUSE
WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER IN
THE MAKEUP ROOM.
SO WE ACTUALLY SAID
SOMETHING TO ME THAT WASN'T
ON A BLUE CARD WHICH I
REALLY APPRECIATED BACK THEN.
BUT WE GO BACK A LONG WAYS.
>> THIS IS A GREAT STORY.
AND I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE
HEARD IT FROM YOU BEFORE,
BUT I KNOW THIS STORY.
YOUR NASH ENT PART OF YOUR
CAREER, YOU'RE IN LOS
ANGELES LIKE SO MANY OTHERS.
YOU'RE WORKING BUT YET YOU
DON'T HAVE MONEY BECAUSE YOU
HAVE JUST STARTED WORKING.
>> I LEFT NEW YORK CITY AND
MY APARTMENT AND WE WERE
STAYING-- I MADE THE PILOT
FOR BOSUM BUDDIES.
(APPLAUSE)
>> WE WERE LIVING IN THE
OAKWOOD GARDEN APARTMENTS ON
BARHAM BOULEVARD,.
>> Dave: NORTH HOLLYWOOD.
>> THE ACTORS WANT ON STRIKE
IN THE SUMMER OF 1980.
I MADE THE PILOT AND I HAD
THIS JOB.
BUT WE WERE NOT WORKING.
THE TOWN WAS SHUT DOWN.
AND IT HADN'T BEEN FOR PETER
SCALARI, GOD BLESES HIM,
LEFT ME WITH HIS CAR BECAUSE
HE HAD GONE BACK TO NEW
YORK.
SO I HAD HIS CAR.
I HAD PAID UP MY FURNISHED
APARTMENT FOR A WHILE.
MY SON COLIN BECAUSE ABOUT
THREE.
BUT EVENTUALLY WE GOT DOWN
TO LIKE OUR LAST 180 BUCKS.
AND THERE'S STILL NO END TO
THE STRIKE IN SIGHT.
AND ONE DAY JUST FOR THE
SAKE OF GETTING OUT OF THE
FRIGGIN HOUSE, WE WENT TO
THE CAROUSEL IN GRIFFITH
PARK.
WHICH HAPPENED TO BE BOARDED
UP BECAUSE IT WAS OUT OF
SEASON.
SO FATE IS CONSPIRESING
AGAINST ME, YOU KNOW, I GOT
A KID.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
THE CAROUSEL IS BOARDED UP.
SO FOR FUN WE ROLLED DOWN
THE GRASS HILL.
>> Dave: WHICH IS FINE FOR A
KID.
>> YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, TWO OR THREE TIMES,
A LITTLE NAUSEA, WE'RE
PRETTY MUCH DONE, NOT MUCH
ELSE TO DO.
SO WE START HEADING BACK TO
THE CAR.
AN A GUY HAD GONE INTO A
PUBLIC REST ROOM AND CHANGED
OUT OF HIS WORK CLOTHES AND
WAS IN HIS RUNNING OUTFIT.
AND HE HAD HIS CLOTHES ON A
HANGER, PANTS AND A JACKET.
I'M FOLLOWING THE PATH AND I
SEE THAT UNMISTAKABLE WAD OF
GREEN, YOU KNOW THE GREEN
I'M TALKING ABOUT, MONEY.
YOU SEE THAT LITTLE BIT, A
GREEN, NOT FOUND ANYWHERE IN
NATURE EXCEPT BY THE U.S.
TREASURY.
SO I SCOOP UP WHAT IS A WAD
OF BILLS, AND I HAVE NO
IDEA.
IT WAS 60 BUCKS, IT WAS
THREE 20 DOLLAR BILLS.
AND I SAID TO THE GUY,
EXCUSE ME, BUT I THINK YOU
DROPPED SOMETHING FROM YOUR
PANTS.
AND HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID
I -- DROP NOTHING FROM MY
PANTS.
AND I SAID NO, NO, NO, NO.
I JUST FOUND SOMETHING AND
I'M PRETTY SURE IT FELL OUT
OF YOUR PANTS THAT ARE ON
THAT HANGER RIGHT NOW.
HE SAID NO I DON'T THINK
ANYTHING FELL OUT OF MY
PANTS.
AND I FINALLY SAID LOOK, GUY,
THIS IS 60 BUCKS.
AND IT CAME OBVIOUSLY OUT OF
YOUR PANTS BECAUSE YOU JUST
CHANGED.
NOW HE LOOKED AT US.
AND WE HAD BEEN ROLLING DOWN
A HILL OF GRASS.
I'M WEARING MORE OR LESS THE
SAME CLOTHES I BOUGHT WHEN I
WENT TO JUNIOR COLLEGE.
AND WE LOOK LIKE WE LIVE IN
THE PARK, NOT THAT WE'RE
JUST STAYING THERE.
AND SO HE SAID TO ME, MAN, I
COULDN'T SLEEP TONIGHT IF I
TOOK THAT MONEY.
SO BUT SO WE TOOK THE 60
DOLLARS-- 
(APPLAUSE)
>> THIS WAS IN SEPTEMBER.
WE HAD ABOUT ANOTHER FOUR
WEEKS OF THE STRIKE LEFT.
IT WAS IN SEPTEMBER, AND I
TOOK THAT 60 DOLLARS, WE
WENT TO RAFFLES, BOT ABOUT A
WEEK'S WORTH OF GROCERIES
AND TWO COPIES OF THE "TV
GUIDE" THAT HAD MY PICTURE
IN IT, ALONG WITH PETER
SCALI AS THE STARS OF THE
NEW ABC SITCOM BOSUM BUDDIES.
>> Dave: THAT IS DELIGHTFUL.
>> BUT YOU REMEMBER THOSE
DAYS.
SCROUNGING.
>> Dave: YES.
>> YOU HAD JUST BEEN FIRED
FROM THE MORNING SHOW, THAT
WAS NOT TOO LONG AFTER THAT.
>> Dave: YEAH, IN LIKE THE
'80, 79Y, 80Y.
>> BUT YOURS WAS THE ONLY 90
MINUTES OR HOUR THAT WE HAD
DURING THOSE BLEAK BLEAK
DAYS.
>> AND YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN
FROM WATCHING THAT IT WAS
GOING TO BE SHORT-LIVED.
THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE A
SHORT RUN.
>> WELL, I JUST DIDN'T SEE
THE HOUSEWIVES DIGGING YOU
AT 9 A.M.
I JUST-- I JUST DIDN'T SEE
THAT ACERBIC, CRANK,YOU KNOW,
IF YOU HAD EVER-- JUST HELD
UP A BOX OF CALGON BATH OIL
BEADS AND SAID, THAT IS VERY
FUNNY, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
CHER.
YOU KNOW, MOMS-- WHEN YOU
HAVE HAD A TOUGH DAY.
>> Dave: YOU KNOW, MOMS.
>> WHAT IS ROLLING INTO A
NICE WARM BATH WITH CALGON
BATH OIL BE, WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.
YOU COULD HAVE STAYED ON TV.
>> Dave: I WOULD STILL BE ON
RIGHT NOW.
>> AND THEN YOU COULD HAVE
MOVED FROM THAT INTO HOSTING
CONCENTRATION.
>> Dave: NOW I HEARD THIS
AND THEN I HEARD IT WASN'T
TRUE AND NOW IT APPARENTLY
IS TRUE.
THAT THE LANDMARK ICONIC TOY
STORE IN MANHATTAN FAO
SCHWARZ.
>> WHAT A WEEK THIS IS, IS
GONE, IS IT GONE?
>> THIS IS MY UNDERSTANDING,
FAO SCHWARZ ON FIFTH AVENUE
IS NOW, THE RENT IS TOO
EXPENSIVE SO THEY ARE
MOVING.
THIS IS WHERE WE SHOT THE
PIANO DANCE IN BIG.
I GOT TO TELL YOU-- 
(APPLAUSE)
>> I'M JUST RATTLING OFF ALL
MY CREDITS TONIGHT.
>> JUST LIKE THEY ARE.
>> BUT THESE, THIS IS THE
STUFF OF OUR LIVES.
WE SPENT A WOL DAY IN THERE
AND HOW IS THAT PLACE GOING
OUT OF BUSINESS?
I HAVE NOT WALKED INTO AN
FAO SCHWARZ IN MY LIFE AND
NOT WALKED OUT WITH $280
WORTH OF MERCHANDISE.
>> Dave: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> YOU JUST KEEP BUYING
STUFF.
>> Dave: EXACTLY.
>> I REMEMBER BUYING JAR JAR
PINKS MERCHANDISE IN THERE
FOR MY KID.
I MEAN THAT IS WHAT A SUCKER
YOU ARE SOMETIMES WHEN YOU
WALK IN THERE BUT NOW IT'S
CLOSING UP.
AND I JUST PRAY, PRAY THAT
THE NEW TENANT IS AN OLD
NAVY, DON'T YOU?
>> I WILL.
>> FASHIONABLE, AFFORDABLE
FASHION THAT LAST AND LAST.
>> YEAH.
>> EITHER THAT OR JUST BY
THE FLOOR SPACE ALONE,
MANHATTAN'S LARGEST CHIPOTLE,
THIS WOULD BE ABOUT-- ABOUT
AS GREAT, CUZ LOOK, I'M
GOING TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.
I'VE BEEN DOWN TO THE
VILLAGE WITH MY WIFE,
GREENWICH VILLAGE, THEY HAVE
ALL THE GREAT STORES DON'T
THERE.
THEY DON'T NEED MIDTOWN,
THEY HAVE THE POTTERY BARN
IN THE VILLAGE, THEY HAVE
WHOLE FOODS AM WE WERE JUST
DOWN THERE, WANT INTO THIS
GREAT JAZZ COFFEE HOUSE WITH
A NAUTICAL THEME, CALLED
STARBUCKS T WAS JUST SO
FRAUGHT WITH NEW YORK
ATMOSPHERE.
AN I JUST-- I JUST HOPE --
>> HIPPIE.
>> HIPPIE JAZZ CLUB, IF YOU
HAVEN'T BOUGHT DICRAN-- YOU
HAVE BOB DYLAN ON TOMORROW.
>> Dave: UH-HUH.
>> THIS IS THE COFFEE HOUSE
WITH BOB DYLAN SANG THAT
AMAZING SONG ♪
♪.
>> YOU KNOW, I SAW, MY WIFE
AND I SAW BOB DYLAN AT THE
EL RAY IN LOS ANGELES, IT
WAS FABULOUS, WE HAD NO IDEA
WHAT SANG.
WE HAD TO READ THE SET LIST
THE NEXT MORNING IN THE
PAPER.
WE HAD NO IDEA.
I SAID REALLY, THAT WAS ALL
ON THE WATCHTOWER, WHO KNEW.
I DID NOT KNOW.
>> Dave: YOU MENTIONED YOUR
WIFE.
I KNOW SHE'S HERE.
DOW MIND IF WE JUST SAY I
HAD TO YOUR WIFE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
LOVELY RITA WILSON.
THERE SHE IS.
>> HEY, BABY!
>> HEY, DAVE.
>> WE MISS YOU.
>> OH, WE MISS YOU.
LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THAT.
GOD BLESS YOU.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TOM
HANKS, EVERYBODY.
>> NOW DAVE, MUCH LIKE YOUR
AUDIENCE, MUCH LIKE YOUR ODD
YENSES, ON THURSDAY I'M
PULLING THE PLUG, I'M
CUTTING THE CORD.
I'M GOING OFF THE GRID.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR THAT
IDIOT BOX IN THE SEVEN ROOMS
IN MY HOUSE ANY LONGER.
I CAN GET ANY SEVEN MINUTE
BIT ON THE YOUTUBE, I CAN
GET THAT ON MY PHONE.
THE NFL IS FILLED WITH A
BUNCH OF CHEELTERS ANYWAY.
SO I'M TO THE GOING TO WATCH
THAT.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> I'M NOT EVEN-- I'M NOT
EVEN GOING TO BOTHER.
>> Dave: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TAKING WAY FROM YOUR VISIT
HERE IS THE IMAGE OF DFERB --.
>> THAT I HAVE BECOME
CRANKY?
>> NO, NO.
THE IMAGE OF RON HOWARD AT
HIS HOME AND HE BELIEVES
THERE ARE FLYING SAUCERS.
THEY'RE BACK!
>> OKAY, THEY'RE GONE.
THEY'RE BACK.
>> HE STAGED THIS ONE GREAT
STUNT.
CAN I-- OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
LET ME TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.
I DO MY OWN STUNTS.
>> Dave: NO, YOU DON'T.
>> NO, I DO, DAVE.
>> Dave: NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU'RE A BILLION DOLLAR GUY,
IF YOU GET HURT, EVERYBODY
GOES HOME.
>> I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING
RIGHT KNOW, IF YOU FIND A
STUNT MAN THAT SAYS I DO TOM
HANKS, TWO THINGS, NUMBER
ONE, HE'S A LIAR.
AND NUMBER TWO, HE'S FIRED.
(APPLAUSE)
BECAUSE IF-- IF YOU DON'T
THINK I ACTUALLY DO-- I DO
MY OWN RUNNING.
AN I DO SOME OF MY OWN
DRIVING.
BUT-- YOU KNOW.
DANGEROUS ENTERPRISE.
>> Dave: OF COURSE, IT IS.
>> THEY HOOK YOU UP TO OTHER
THINGS.
CAN YOU SHOW THE CLIP OF
THIS.
>> Dave: YOU HAVE A CLIP OF
THE NEW MOVIE.
>> I AM-- LET ME SEE HOW I'M
SUPPOSED TO INTRODUCE THIS.
>> IT'S DARN NICE OF YOU TO
DO.
>> ON THE BACK STREETS OF
FLORENCE, ITALY, THE BIRTH
PLACE OF THE RENAISSANCE OUR
SECOND AND FIRST UNITS
BLOCKED OFF TRAFFIC IN ORDER
TO GET PRECIOUS VALUABLE
PRODUCTION SEQUENCES IN AN
ACTION-THRILL STUNT
SHOW-LIKE AT MS. FEAR.
SO IF WE COULD-- IF WE COULD
JUST SHOW THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> BY THE WAY, I LOVE THE
INTERNS THAT TYPE THESE
TALKING POINTS UP FOR US.
>> YOU SOUND LIKE FORREST
GUMP READING THAT.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
LET'S JUST-- 
(APPLAUSE)
>> THE FORREST GUMP
REFERENCE CAME WHERE DID
THAT-- THAT'S A LITTLE LATE.
>> Dave: WAY INTO IT.
>> THIS IS ACTUALLY A STUNT
DOUBLE.
THIS IS THE STUNT DOUBLE.
>> Dave: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
NOW WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS
SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE.
>> NO.
>> Dave: THIS IS-- NOT DONE
THIS SAY MOVIE THAT WILL BE
RELEASED WHEN, IN THE SPRING.
>> .
YOU WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR
SHEET.
>> LET ME FIND OUT WHEN THE
RELEASE DATE IS.
HOLD ON.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
LOOK FOR-- LOOK FOR IT
SOMETIME IN THE THIRD
QUARTER OF 2016.
>> Dave: THERE YOU GO.
SO HERE IS A LITTLE TASTE.
>> CHECK OUT THIS.
>> Dave: TO WHET YOUR
APPETITE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Dave: TOM HANKS, INFERNO.
>> THAT, DAVE S THAT NOT --
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> WHEN YOU'RE STANDING,
WHEN YOU'RE STANDING CLOSE
ENOUGH TO SEE WHAT THE
DOUBLES ARE DOING, WHICH IS
ABOUT 120 FEET, THOSE
CARABINARIES ROAR BY ON
THOSE MOTORCYCLES.
>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
I SAW NO DRONES.
>> THAT WASN'T THE DRONE
SEQUENCE.
>> Dave: LET ME SEE THAT
AGAIN.
>> LET ME ADD SOME RON
HOWARD TO IT.
OKAY, HERE YOU GO.
AND, OKAY.
OKAY.
CUE THE MOTORCYCLE, MOTOR
PSYCHE WILL NUMBER TWO.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
THAT'S THE WAY RON-- ALL
RIGHT, GOOD.
>> THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO BACK TO NUMBER ONE.
WOW!
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
ORXZ.
>> HEY, CAN I GET A SELFIE?
YOU KNOW --
>> WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT IS
THIS?
>> RITA ANNOUNCED WHEN THEY
FIRST CAME OUT, THAT WE WILL
NEVER, EVER GET-- HAVE A
SELFIE STICK IN THE HOUSE AM
BUT YOU KNOW WHERE THEY SELL
THEM, DAVE THEY SELL THESE
SELFIES ALL OVER FLORENCE,
WHICH WAS THE BIRTH PLACE OF
THE RENAISSANCE.
AND LOOK, I REALIZE THAT A
HUGE AMOUNT OF COMPUTER
SPACE IS TAKEN UP WITH SUCH
THINGS.
SELFIES OF OURSELVES.
AND I THINK BY AND LARGE
THEY CAN BE PRETTY GOOFY.
BUT YOU GOT-- OH, SHOOT,
HOLD ON, STOP TAPE, STOP
TAPE, STOP TAPE.
>> Dave: THEY'RE BACK!
>> I GOT IT.
BUT LOOK, DAVE, I'M JUST
GOING TO SAY, YOU CAN'T SEE
T YOU IN THE AUDIENCE BUT
LOOK AT THE THROW ON THIS
BABY.
COME ON.
LOOK AT THIS AND LOOK, I'M
GOING TO PRET THIS BUTTON.
THERE WE ARE, DAVE.
NOW I CAN GIVE YOU-- GET IT
UP ABOVE THE CHIN, ABOVE THE
CHIN.
THERE WE GO.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> WHY DID YOU TAKE IT,
RIGHT THERE.
>> YEAH, YOU PRESS A BUTTON,
AND OUT IT COMES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A PIN-- THERE, THERE IT
IS.
>> THERE IT IS.
>> THAT'S FANTASTIC.
>> LOOK AT THAT.
>> THAT'S A BOUGHTEE.
SO WHEN YOU IN A COUPLE OF
WEEKS WHEN YOU HEAD DOWN TO,
I'M JUST GOING TO GUESS WHAT
YOU WILL BE UP TO, TWO WORDS,
SPACE CAMP, TAKE ONE OF
THESE BAD BOYS WITH YOU.
>> YEAH.
>> Dave: YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
IS, TOM, IT GIVES THE
IMPRESSION, IT'S ALMOST LIKE
SOMEONE ELSE HAS JUST TAKEN
THE PICTURE FOR YOU.
>> WHICH WILL WORK FOR YOU,
DAVE, BECAUSE IT WILL MEAN
YOU HAVE BEEN ON VACATION
WITH A FRIEND.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
YOU JUST-- IT DOESN'T MEAN
TO HAVE TO BE INSULTING.
>> I'M JUST GOING WITH THE
PREPERSONA.
>> Dave: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, I WILL NEVER BE
ABLE TO REPAY THIS MAN'S
KINDNESS, HIS GENEROSITY AND
HIS TALENT FOR THE WORLD.
IT'S OUR FRIEND, TOM HANKS,
TOM?
DHEERS PLAUS-- 
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
IS THAT ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE
BACK WITH EDDIE VEDDER.
>> WE'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
 Captioning sponsored by
 WORLDWIDE PANTS and CBS
 Captioned by
 Media Access Group at WGBH
 access.wgbh.org
>> Dave: MY GOD.
THIS IS FANG TAS PARTICULAR.
LOOK AT THIS.
>> Paul: I KNOW.
>> Dave: ARE YOU READY?
I JUST WANT TO THANK
EVERYBODY FOR ANOTHER
WONDERFUL EVENING HERE IN
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER.
OUR NEXT GUEST FIRST
APPEARED ON THIS SHOW IN
1996 WITH HIS BAND PEARL
JAM.
HE'S ALSO PERFORMED AS A
SOLO ARTIST AND APPEARS IN
COMEDY ON THE SHOW.
AND I THINK THAT WILL
PROBABLY BE THE HIGHLIGHT OF
THE MAN'S CAREER.
WE COULDN'T BE HAPPIER TO
HAVE HIM BACK HERE WITH US
TONIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, EDDIE VEDDER.
♪
♪ WAITIN' WATCHIN' THE CLOCK
IT'S FOUR O'CLOCK IT'S GOT TO
STOP
♪ TELL HIM TAKE NO MORE
SHE PRACTICES HER SPEECH
♪ AS HE OPENS THE DOOR SHE
ROLLS OVER
♪ PRETENDS TO SLEEP AS HE LOOKS
HER OVER
♪ SHE LIES AND SAYS SHE'S IN
LOVE WITH HIM CAN'T FIND A
♪ BETTER MAN
SHE DREAMS IN COLOR SHE DREAMS
♪ IN RED CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
♪ CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
OH
♪ TALKIN' TO HERSELF THERE'S NO
ONE ELSE WHO NEEDS TO KNOW
♪ SHE TELLS HERSELF OH
MEMORIES BACK WHEN SHE WAS BOLD
♪ AND STRONG
AND WAITING FOR THE WORLD
♪ TO COME ALONG
SWEARS SHE KNEW IT NOW
♪ SHE SWEARS
HE'S GONE
♪ SHE LIES AND SAYS SHE'S IN
LOVE WITH HIM CAN'T FIND A
♪ BETTER MAN
SHE DREAMS IN COLOR SHE DREAMS
♪ IN RED CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
SHE LIES AND SAYS SHE STILL
♪ LOVES HIM CAN'T FIND A BETTER
MAN
♪ SHE DREAMS IN COLOUR SHE
DREAMS IN RED CAN'T FIND A
♪ BETTER MAN
CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
♪ CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
SHE LOVED HIM
♪ YEAH
SHE DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THIS WAY
♪ SHE FEEDS HIM
YEAH
♪ THAT'S WHY SHE'LL BE
BACK AGAIN
♪ CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
♪ CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN
CAN'T FIND A BETTER MAN ♪
♪ ♪
♪ WHOAH
♪ OOH
♪ AH-HA
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THIS IS ONE WE'LL REMEMBER.
EDDIE VEDDER.
WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, PAUL?
>> UNBELIEVABLE.
>> THERE WE GO.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
>> THANK YOU.
