NO
GAH-
I BOUNCED WHAT THE FUCK
What's up guys, this is Merk music and welcome to CoD noob tries
A series where I play random games that I haven't played before
And just mess around and have some fun
Catch
The fuck man
Enjoy
Alright recording, recording
Ohh, farts to start the video (Bruh)
What's up YouTube, it's your boy smelly ass here
Heh
What da fuck
Najiksvishds
It's ya boy merk music here, the fuck is wrong with me I can't even start a video
I'm playin Shadow the Tomb Raider today
Why I have no goddamn clue
Just kidding, it looks pretty cool
Look at that fucking picture,
I'm gonna fucking stab you in the middle of the night with my fucking butter knife!  (Jeez Lara, chill out)
ShvHakVhv
So much stuff
But yeah, I've never played any game like this before, I'm pretty sure
I don't know if there's other-
Ah, uh
I have no idea what I'm talking about. I've never played any other Tomb Raider games before
I figured FUCK it
It'd be fun to play
Gotta get some variety up in this bitch
So yes today is CoD noob tries: shadow of the Tomb Raider
Plah- Ah, pressed option, play
You guys are in for quite a treat
I don't have a goddamn. No, I want an account
I wanna do that!
Alright so rendering mode. Hig- hoigh   resolution or hoigh frame rates
Know what, it'll probably funnier if it has a shitty framerate
I don't know, high frame rate
I'm probably gonna (Inaudible) max brightness
Hard as shit to see  insome of these video games
I unlocked a fuckton of stuff great
Oh my goodness
Right, We'll start it. Let's go
This looks really fucking cool
I really don't know what other people are saying about this game but
I don't know if playing on hard is a good idea
Let's make everything fucking easy
If it's not easy as shit, I'm gonna be confused
I'm not gonna be able to do anything. So yeah
I'm na- I don't have a goddamn clue about what to do
I'm just gonna click buttons and hope stuff happens
That's me playing most games
Shadow of The Tomb Raider is created by a diverse and talented team comprising of multiple genders
Backgrounds and thsisais
For our friend Mike Sherlock
Rest in peace battle man 36
This game was developed by infinity war  (???)
Actually, this is fuckin intense so far. Ooo, and we're at a cutscene
Lara: I'm gonna level it!
You got to level it. My controllers fucking vibrating like crazy
You've got this just activate the nitrous, Oh, oh fuck
Oh the roofs coming off Holy shit
Lara: Get ready to jump!
Jonah: No fucking Way!
Mocking voice: I don't wanna fucking jump
Lara in backround: Jonah we have to! 
Jonah: Are you out of you're fucking mind Lara!
Of course she is, she's Lara Croft
Oh
(He's probably not dead.......I hope)
Bye
You didn't put your seatbelt on are you fucking kidding me? That's so goddamn. Irresponsible. What are you teaching children?
Oh, oh, there you go. Okay. Nice. Now you're not- Yep  you'll probably survive
Remember children ticket or click it  (Merk you said that bakcwards)
*Snap*
Oh god kill me
Two days earlier
What happened two days earlier
She probably had her seatbelt on
Lara What are you doing?
Shiiit
Shit is right. You are stuck in a rock
Oh, you look like you're enjoying it though
I got to use this knife to get this rock off my ass. I got to spam it. Okay, here we go Oh
Ohhh  (Again really)
Got the rock out
And something else happened
Not gonna say what  (AGAIN!! WTH!
It actually sounds like she's trying to poop
HNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Painful poop at that
Merk imitating Lara: MRRGNNNN
Okay, we got it out we w- you did it so proud of nice poop, good shit literally
"Shit"
Ah shit, Yes, there is shit everywhere. It literally just came out of your ass
Oh, this is disgusting. I should let's play more
I'm so I'm so fucking good at this dude. Just fucking pooping everywhere
Wait hold on. I'm playing right now. What the hell?
I thought it's still in cutscene
Damn, This game is fucking next-gen
Okay, let's climb this shit. Oh we gotta get out of here
CLOIMB LARA CLOIMB!
I feel like I should be playing this in the dark right now. What am I doing?
I'm not fully immersed. I'm breaking my immersion
gonna leave a one-star review. I was not immersed because I didn't play in the daark
HUNHGHH
All right, we're out. Right so we're covered in shit. We took a shit and now we're out of it. What's next?
Oh my okay
We got CoD WW 2 zombies up in here
All right, here we go. Now we're playing the game
All right, let's jump. Let's do stuff, I already  climbed out of the cave. Can I go back in the cave?
Weeeeee, ah
I fucking die
Oh my God
Wait what did she just do?  What is that? What the fuck is that!?
OHH, OHHH
Press Square to attach to craggy walls
The fuck is a craggy wall
Yeah, you climb  that craggy wall
Oi ya, jump to the overhanging surface
What the fuck?!? you Beast. How is this fucking possible?
(She's Lara Croft what do you expect)
You must have such good like fucking upper arm and core strength to do this
Good lord
Oh my god
We actually fucking made it up
I don't even know how this is possible Look at your arms they're so skinny how can you do this?
(I remember when she got impaled by a long 
peice of rusty rebar an lived)
We made it to booce's temple guys. Here we go
And now we summon the Faze booce
Everyone present your koosh offering
Gonna smoke some hella dank Koosh, get blazed up in this bitch
It is beautiful. Yes. Thank you for complimenting booce's temple
Capable of allowing everyone to hit 360 noscopes
Take a picture exactly
You got to record it. You didn't record the trickshot it didn't happen.
Oh, there you are Wait, thi- you didn't die
You literally got fucking separated off the other half of the fucking plane
How
Oh wait, this was two years ago. (Days not years) Oh my god. I'm stupid
can't even follow a simple timeline. fucking man bun looking ass
I think- I don't know if he has a man bun
he's got some pretty cool looking beads around his neck though
Oh my you fucked up you stepped on Faze booce's trap
He's gonna trickshot you now you fucked up
Oh my god, here comes Faze booce  Oh, he's coming. Look at him faze booce
You  know what there's no time to record the trickshots  Lara. You got to go
I know you want to  post it to YouTube
And get the fucking most views on YouTube for your awesome Call of duty montage
But you gotta go fae- Faze booce's coming. Look he's going after ya
Jump for it!
How are you not hungry
How can you not be hungry after scaling a fucking rock like that and then having to run for your life?
We're in Cosmo Mexico, Nocuail taco bell
(I dunno what he said, all I head was taco bell)
I'm actually I'm so hungry. Don't you dare start eating? I'm gonna all my stomach
(Merks having a stomachgasam)
Enghhhh
That was delicious water
Lara: He's an expert on pre-colonial ruins
Wait, are you Australian or British? I don't even I don't know anything
(She's British)
Laura Croft. I can't tell if she's British or Australian
I'm just gonna continue speaking American
This star is the heart
Staa is tha haart  Mmmmmm
this number looks like A maya 13, but what if it's really an eight?
WOAAAAA
Oh my god spinning a circle looks so weird just like neeighha (???)
Oh I got a trophy
I'm prioritizing frame rating it's really not all that smooth
I'm gonna complain about  the graphics
I want a balloon ge- can I have a bouuoon
they got chips over here? I'm hungry. I can't look at this
Let's talk to this person
Can you believe it? This one was caught drinking ofrendas (Offerings)
oh no, not the ninfrenndas
How about this kid. He's got a sparkler, dude share
Mini brayden: It's for my father
Merk imitating mini Brayden: It's for my father
It's little Braden
gotta follow Dominguez, Dominguez ate your baby. (Get it, cause Dominguz sounds like dingo and-  Oh nevermind) Oh my god
Lego Lara: ExCuSe Me
Excuse me You fat fuck
goddamn chonker getting in the way
yo out of curiosity
I wanna change this shit to high resolution, See how it looks
Oh my, what a difference. Holy shit
Look at that frame rate
But at least its high res polipsom now '
Man I'm gonna put it back to frame rate
I can't I'm gonna puke
(Uhh.....Could you run that one by me again)
Rorke its Rorke from ghosts. Oh my god. Oh, no, the crossover is is too real
Oh shit, what are you doing here
Strange and drunk trash bag guy: Hey get out on my office
You're offi- this is your office, dude
You're literally sitting on fucking trash bags
get through this hole. That's what she said. I'm so clever
"Jonah they've entered the dig site"
I thought she said the dick site
What is wrong with me this morning
Oh I can run, ah here we go
OBJECTIVE BEACONS
Oh my god. I can start killing people. Let's fucking go. I like this. I like this
Oh god
HUUHHHHH
Don't look at me, fuck, ahhh!
Oh
Aww come on I wanted to shoot him with the bow
Oh bow please bow Please. Don't c- come on Laura
*Strange noises*
Well that was fucking awesome
I like the bow and arrow
Alright, so we got some weapons and shit. This is really fucking cool
So I'm gonna be honest so far
Most of the game has just been cutscenes and shit and I really just wanna play
so I'm sorry if I'm cutting out a lot
Of the cutscenes. It's just my personal opinion. I prefer games that have gameplay and they tell the story through the gameplay
I'm just not really a fan of like constant cutscenes
But I feel like this game's gonna have that
Lara: The entrance must be down there
Oh shit. Oh my god. We got go down there
I think the solution is just going the water
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Yep
*SPLAT*
You hit the rocks way to go
Fucking failure
Ohhhhh, we got to jump to the craggy wall.
There we go
Going down the craggy wall
Lara: Okay this should work
Ar- Holy shit this is fucking ridiculous, this is awesome
Wait am I safe? Alright There we go
Oh broke a little bit of rocks there
Shit, it's crumbling it's crumbling we got to go
WOOO, Craggy wall
Oh I have- it didn't even give me a hint I'm just so good I know
Craggy wall, craggy wall
Oh, yeah
I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Oh, there we go. Okay. We gotta repel again
I'm kind of getting an idea of what it what to do. There we go
WOOOOH DON'T SLIP
Good thing we've got dress shoes on
OHHHHHHHHHHH
I fucking missed
Well, have to try that again, huh, oh shit, um,
OHHHHHHHHHHH
BOOM
Oh shit, uh
Whatthefuck
NO
GAH-
I BOUNCED WHAT THE FUCK
I did not mean to do that, holy shit
Oh my god, that was great
That bounce tho
I'm so good at this shit I'm a fucking genius. Look at me
(Would a genus fuck up thier footing?)
Oh, maybe not
Im fucking slipping
Where am I supposed to jump to I really oh, it's the craggy wall. Okay, and
RELUGH
Then oh, yes,
Oh my god, this is fuc- Oh shit. There's a skull
There we go
We're gonna make this jump we can do this. Don't fucking miss it
WOOOOOOOHGAHH
Okay, that was a close one
Alright, I'm not that bad. I only died like three or four times
This is some intense shit dude
Rope pulling
(I remeber that from the first game)
What? Oh, holy shit. Okay. Oh
There we go
Ahhhh!
Ohhh
Ah, now I can use the scramble
RAT!
Where the fuck oh my god. I just scrambled into that
Ohhh god what the fuck!
Ewww
Got a bunch of ratatouilles fucking going around here
Me no likey
Lara: maybe there's something unda wooter
That's kinda nice if you're too stupid to figure out what's going on. Lara will just kind of give you hints
What do we have here. Wait. How long can I hold my breath for?
Oh God what the fuck
Bleragh
BLERAGH
Oh wait, oh that was to get a breath. What am I doing?
I thought there was something to pick up but that's actually just you getting your breath back
Come on It's gotta be over here
Hi how are ya
Eel: Your time has come mutha fucka
Ohh what the fuck!!
(LOL! Look at merks face)
EUGHHH
Good lord
all right. I think we finall- are we gonna make out of here
Come on, Lara, Lara Lara Lara the Explorer Oh my god. What's wrong with me?
How am I just now making that correlation? Come on brain
I thought you were better than this
Come on
Squeeze. Oh fuck I'm gonna fucking die here. This is where I die
I gotta spam square to get out of this
BLBLBLBLBLB
Ok we made it
Imagine if you actually did just drown there those the end of the game
(Best ending to a video game 2018)
I gotta give her some props. I don't know how she's not dead after all this shit
GG
All right. I think we found something looks like a can
That was the special thing. We had to find
We did it
Oh yah, what are you doing? Go down go down
Lara
WOOH, oh fuck, well
And I died. Yep. Okay. No, that was good. I didn't realize there was a craggy wall right above me
PHOO
You know sometimes in life you just got to go for it ,you got a fucking believe
HAWWWWWYAHHHHH
oh my
She actually fucking made- Oh my god
Oh God, just just go now. Just go now before. Oh we're gonna die
We're gonna fucking die. Go
Wooopity Scoopity Pooopity
oh my goodness. What what the fuck happened there?
Okay, I think I got it
Oh my goodness. This is so badass dude
Get off get off. Okay. There we go
I was gonna say what are you doing get off of there!
What the fuck? No, I didn't want to do that. Nope. That's not what I was, no, I gotta do it all over again.
Ahhhhh! NO!
WHAT THE FFFF-
Can I stop dying so carelessly
I don't know where I'm supposed to be putting this though. I'm so confused. Wait what
How do you tether it? Oh my I think I might actually be lost here.
I can't figure it out
So it's really random spot to stop but I think imma have to call it there. Thank you guys very much for watching
Hope you guys enjoyed me playing shadow of the Tomb Raider. I haven't done the CoD noob tries series in quite some time
So if you guys want to see me play a certain game next time make sure to leave a comment and if you see a
Comment and you agree with it and you want to see me play that game make sure to thumbs up that comment, too
Cause I'm looking forward to bring some more random games and variety to the channel on top of that
I made a cod noob trys playlist. I'm gonna try to get more videos like this up
So if you guys want to see some more videos like this
I'll have a link in the description so you can watch more but again
I hope you guys enjoyed this video if you guys did and you want to see me play more random games
Like make sure to drop a like I'll take it later
(WOOOOOO it took me a while to make this trans script)
(Took me like....three hours)
(Before this ends I have one thing to say......)
(Craggy wall)
