 
The Smartest Girl In the Room

Book One of The New Pioneers

Amazon Edition | Copyright © 2013 Deborah Nam-Krane

All rights reserved.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead or undead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental

http://writtenbydeb.blogspot.com

#  Also by Deborah Nam-Krane

 The Family You Choose

 An Engagement

 The China Doll

 Let's Move On

 The Art of the Next Best

 The Golden Boy Returns

 Needs, Wants and Other Weaknesses

 The Ghosts of Alex Sheldon

 Justice, Mercy and Other Myths

# DEDICATION

To Liseli Mulala, who makes everything better.

# Table of Contents

Also By Deborah Nam-Krane

DEDICATION

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 31

CHAPTER 32

CHAPTER 33

CHAPTER 34

CHAPTER 35

CHAPTER 36

CHAPTER 37

CHAPTER 38

CHAPTER 39

CHAPTER 40

CHAPTER 41

CHAPTER 42

CHAPTER 43

CHAPTER 44

CHAPTER 45

CHAPTER 46

CHAPTER 47

CHAPTER 48

CHAPTER 49

CHAPTER 50

CHAPTER 51

CHAPTER 52

CHAPTER 53

CHAPTER 54

CHAPTER 55

CHAPTER 56

CHAPTER 57

CHAPTER 58

CHAPTER 59

CHAPTER 60

CHAPTER 61

CHAPTER 62

CHAPTER 63

CHAPTER 64

CHAPTER 65

CHAPTER 66

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The Family You Choose

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

November

2007

Boston

# CHAPTER 1

Emily closed her book and stood up, yawning as she did so. It was time to leave the library and meet her best friend Zainab at Princess Cappuccino.

The café's owners were indebted to Zainab Oginabe-Kensit. Not too many guys were tempted to go into something called "Princess" anything at first, but within one month of Zainab's discovery of the little café, it was filled with men. While not all of them were friends of hers, many of them were friends-of-friends-of-friends. Every small business grows by word of mouth, but Zainab's was the first mouth.

So Zainab was often there, surrounded by friends and acquaintances. She frequently reminded Emily that meeting new people was an important part of the college experience. "So is studying," Emily would always reply.

Emily believed in studying like it was a religion. The first year of college, she was content to divide her time between classes, the library, and her room at her mother's house. All places that were conducive to making sure her work was done on time and done well. That strategy had earned her a very good grade point average despite her ambitious workload.

Now Emily was out of class and out of her room, and that was because of Zainab. She had a way of making Emily feel like she didn't have to assume the worst about people—well, not everyone. It was nice to look at the world with a smile. But Emily thought she should repay the favor by making sure Zainab spent less time in cafés and bars.

She tried not to criticize Zainab every time she disapproved. She couldn't be sure her initial reaction wasn't concern but jealousy. Zainab could go out, party, and still do well enough in her classes. Her parents were still going to pay for school and her apartment in Brookline no matter what. And if she failed? Zainab would still be taken care of. Emily, however, had to get through not four but five classes per quarter. Her mother had made it clear she wanted to leave her job at the university, so Emily didn't even have time for a job. Even with her savings, she could barely afford to have tea with Zainab a few times per week. Emily was grateful that coffee, which she despised, was always more expensive than her tea. She sighed. Who was she to tell Zainab not to do what she couldn't? She wrinkled her nose. Actually, Emily hated the taste of alcohol anyway, so it was good that she couldn't afford to go out often.

Emily had just thrown her scarf around her neck when someone tapped her shoulder. "Oh!" When she turned around, there was Drew Strand. He was a cute, tall, blonde from comparative literature.

"Heading out?" he asked, holding his books in one arm and his half-empty bag on the other shoulder. It seemed almost as if he'd rushed to pick up his stuff.

"Uh, yeah. Just going to grab some decaf tea."

"Over to..."

She hugged her bag closer. "Princess Cappuccino, of course," she replied, trying to be friendly while hoping the gods of any persuasion were watching out for her.

"Anything good there?" he asked. It seemed that the gods were on a break tonight.

"You've never been?" Emily asked. Zainab would protect her. "What's your poison of choice?"

"Considering my first class is at eight tomorrow, I should take the decaf too."

"Brutal. To what do you owe the pleasure?"

"Poetry. And that's not even as much fun as it sounds."

"Are you an English major?"

"Actually, a physics major with a minor in English. How's that for obscure?"

"Better than obtuse." Emily smirked.

"Hey, I may not be a math major, but I do know what you're implying."

"Did I mention that I was a math major?"

"First day of class. 'Now, class, tell everyone why you came and where you're from.' Must be why you thought I was an English major."

No, Emily thought, it's the way you keep going on about the most obscure and obtuse points of the text with Professor Hazlett, like you're trying to get a gold star from the department head, that makes me think you're an English major. "Must be," she said. "Oh, here we are."

Emily waved to Zainab. Zainab, beautiful with dark golden skin and wide, expressive eyes, waved back. She was at the center of everything, as usual. "Hey, gorgeous!" Zainab called as soon as Emily opened the glass door. "Shove over, everyone!"

The crowd rearranged themselves so Emily and Drew could find a cramped seat. They put their bags down while Emily quickly made introductions.

"What are you having?" Drew asked once they were at the counter.

As broke as she always was, she still did not want him buying her anything. Unfortunately, she couldn't find a graceful exit. "Just some chamomile tea, thanks," she mumbled.

While Drew was ordering, she turned around, caught Zainab's eye, and mouthed, "Help!" Zainab started laughing, and Emily turned around quickly so she wouldn't be noticed.

A few moments later, Zainab smiled when they came to sit down. "So, how do you know Em?" Zainab asked Drew the second they sat.

"We both ended up in the same comp lit class this semester, and she's definitely the highlight. I'm afraid whether Ann Boleyn was an evil schemer or a martyred mother doesn't hold my interest that much," said Drew.

Emily bit her lip. Comp lit was her favorite class so far, and she found the historical implications of Ann Boleyn's execution engrossing. Before she could say anything, Drew asked, "And how do you two know each other?"

Emily and Zainab looked at each other. "Student Government Council!" they burst out, then laughed.

"Am I missing a good joke?"

Zainab giggled. "Yes, but don't worry, SGC will take you anyway if you want to serve."

"Shut up, Senator Oginabe-Kensit! And when are you quitting?"

"I told you, as soon as the budget review is complete."

Emily grimaced. "The BRC: the stepping stone of one Mister Joseph P. Welles." Joe Welles was the Vice President of Student Affairs and oversaw the Budget Review Committee. It was something of a tradition the VP of Student Affairs was the leading candidate for president the next year. Emily didn't really care that Joe didn't seem qualified to lead a class discussion, much less a student government body; she was more irritated that Zainab was so smitten with him.

Zainab cocked her head. "Yes, and what did Giles Reichart like the SGC for?"

Emily blushed. "Touché, mon ami, but I left." She noticed Drew sitting up straight. "Everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah. But did you say Budget Review Committee?" Drew asked.

Zainab sighed. "What did we do now?"

Drew seemed to relax. "If I said I was the Vice President of the Solar Car Club, would that clear it up?"

Zainab put up her hands. "Don't look at us. We voted last year to increase your funding, but the administration didn't feel like you guys were ready for primetime. I think our advisor also said it was a wash. Someone on the team was connected enough to secure the funding themselves, but I don't know."

Drew shifted in his chair a little bit. "They don't know what they're talking about, but what a surprise at this school. Last year, we really improved..."

Emily did her best to stretch out small talk with Drew. Innocently, she looked at the clock and noticed that it was ten, about an hour before she was going to turn into a pumpkin. Drew saw the look on her face and turned around. "Damn! Eight o'clock class. I'd better go. Maybe I can stop in at the lab now and develop a strategy to woo the administration."

"Now?" Emily asked as Drew stood up. "Isn't it hard to test a solar car at night?"

"These guys are true believers. I'm sure they'd love to show off their work. Really, any time you guys want to see it, let me know."

"Sure, I'd love to." Emily was genuinely interested—in the car.

"Cool. And thanks for letting me tag along."

"Thanks for joining us. Next Monday in Professor Hazlett's room?"

"I wait with bated breath," Drew replied.

Emily blinked. "Yeah, well, Henry and Ann have a way of doing that."

As soon as Drew was out of sight, Emily pointed at Zainab. "You didn't help."

Zainab couldn't stop laughing. "I wanted to, but it was too funny."

Emily narrowed her eyes. "As funny as SGC? Z, how are you going to do that and school? From here? And what about finals?"

Zainab rolled her eyes. "Still a while before finals."

"Uh huh. And Joe isn't exerting more pressure than he should be, is he?"

"I don't know. Ask his girlfriend."

"Right, because he's so faithful." Joe was such smiley smarm, and she couldn't understand Zainab's crush.

"Jesus!" Zainab snapped. "For the last time, I am not sleeping with Joe Welles!"

"That's good to hear, he's a clown!" Emily turned around and found herself staring into the most gorgeous pair of green eyes she had ever seen. Zooming out, she noticed dark, thick eyebrows, then the olive skin, high cheekbones, and wavy, light brown hair. Not to mention the perfect teeth on full display in a wide-open smile. "And why would someone as lovely as you be worried about Zainab being with such a dork?" said the gorgeous stranger in a nice, deep voice.

Emily found her own voice after a moment. "Got to watch out for my girl in that SGC cesspool."

"Should I be insulted before we've even been introduced?" said the stranger.

"Emily, Mitch. Mitch, Emily," said Zainab. Emily stuck out her hand and it was enveloped in Mitch's warm, strong grip.

"Pleased to meet you," Emily said and looked at Zainab, then looked back at Mitch. "And how do you know VP Welles?"

Mitch winked. "Apparently the same way you do, if you're using that overblown title."

Emily shrugged. "Popularity Contest Winner just doesn't have the same ring to it."

The perfect teeth again. "But I like that. Why don't we shorten that to PCW so we're all on the same page?"

"Agreed. So tell me, who are you in the SGC?"

"Mitchell Graham, member-at-large, doing time on the BRC."

"Since when?"

"About two months ago."

"I must have just missed you."

"My loss," said Mitch.

Zainab cleared her throat. "Mitch, babe, why don't you get yourself a drink while Emily thinks of a comeback?"

"Did you plan this?" Emily whispered as soon as Mitch was out of earshot.

"I might have mentioned that he should meet me here tonight, right about now, when I know you're usually done at the library," Zainab whispered back.

Emily looked down at the ground and laughed. "Aren't you thoughtful?"

Mitch returned and sat next to Emily. "So, what made you decide to leave the SGC?"

Emily pulled a face. "I thought Star Trek was a better use of my time."

"Star Trek?!?" His eyes popped. "Oh my God, no one told me this was one or the other!"

"You're a Trekkie?" Emily gasped.

Zainab shook her head. "Em, the twenty-first century word is 'Trekker'."

"Zainab, you too?" Mitch said excitedly. "How come you never mentioned this?"

"It doesn't usually come up in civilized conversation. Besides, I'm not into The Original Series. Kirk is such a womanizing caricature."

"Ugh!" Emily and Mitch both laughed at the same time. "Okay, first of all..." Mitch leaned forward. "I can't argue with the womanizing, but he's got some standout episodes. I mean, City on the Edge of Forever chokes me up every time."

"Well, yeah!" Emily nodded. "It's one of the few where he isn't all 'my ship'!"

"Exactly!" Mitch almost shouted. "And I don't know about you, but I was always much more into Spock than I was Kirk."

Emily sighed and put her hand on her chest. "Oh my God, Leonard Nimoy. Spock was the most perfect character ever. Handsome, brilliant, tortured... What girl wouldn't want to rescue him from himself?"

Mitch grinned. "I had no idea dysfunction was so attractive."

Emily blushed. "Anyway... Are you a Next Generation and DS-Nine fan?"

"DS-Nine rocks. Sisko is awesome, and Worf and Odo and Dax, but The Next Generation is just eh. I've got all of them pretty much memorized because I've seen them so many times, but unless the ship is in danger or Picard is saving the Federation or meeting Spock's dad, I can't make myself care."

"Yeah, DS-Nine's much better." Emily nodded. "I think I love Garak."

"Argh!" Zainab put her hands on her ears. "Guys, I'm going to turn into a Tribble or whatever if you don't stop!"

Emily lifted her arms. "I win the Geek-Off!" She threw her head back in triumph, but as she did, she saw the clock. "Oh no!" She stood up and started gathering her stuff. "I've got to run to the train or I'm going to be stranded. Sorry to meet and leave, but—"

Mitch looked up. "Where do you live?"

"Newton."

"That's on my way," Mitch said, standing up. "I'm in Natick. I could give you a ride."

"I'd love that! And, um, Brookline's on the way too," she added quickly.

Mitch looked confused. "Brookline?"

"Yeah, that's where Zainab lives." Emily turned to Zainab. "I mean, I'd feel like a jerk getting a ride from Zainab's friend if she had to take the T."

Zainab made a face. "Em, I'm fine."

"I know you don't have as far to go as I do, but if you don't catch the T soon, you might have to walk down Huntington, and it's getting cold."

"Walk down Huntington? Not on my watch." Mitch put his hand on Zainab's shoulder. "I would never forgive myself if anything happened."

"Nothing is going to happen, I've done it a bunch of times." But Zainab started getting up anyway.

"There's a first time for everything," Mitch said earnestly. "Did I mention I was mugged twice? One time, some guy shoved me over and took my wallet. The next time, another took my backpack and slammed me into a building so hard I had to be taken to the hospital. Joke was on him, though. All he got were my sociology notes."

Zainab's eyes widened. "You never mentioned that. Where?"

"First time was right at the bottom of South Huntington and Huntington. The second time was near, of all places, the Christian Science Center."

"In that tiny little tunnel?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I used to live around here, and I walked by the reflecting pool and through that tunnel all the time. I never had a problem, but I used to see all sorts of stuff in there."

Zainab blinked. "Stuff?"

"You know, sometimes you'd find paraphernalia, sometimes you'd see partners."

Zainab pulled back. "Gross!"

Emily sighed. "If that's how you feel, avoid the magazine stacks at the Boston Public Library. Me, I never let a little depravity get in the way of enjoying a good public place."

"Are you serious?" Mitch shook his head. "I grew up in New York, but I never saw any of that."

"New York?" The three had packed up their stuff. Zainab lingered behind to say good-bye to the others while Mitch and Emily slowly walked toward the door. "Which part?"

"Queens, of course," Mitch answered matter-of-factly. "If you're from New York, you're either from Queens or Brooklyn. The other boroughs are just there for the tourists."

"Right? I was born in Manhattan, but I lived in Queens for a few years before we came to Boston. And my mom has family in Brooklyn."

"No kidding? My dad is from Brooklyn." Mitch smiled. "So," he said after a few seconds, "what brought you to Boston?"

"Long story." Zainab joined them at the door. Emily put her arm around her neck. "Zainab's is much more interesting."

"Let's hear it!"

Zainab launched into the winding story of her life: the idyllic first years in Africa, her father's tragic death, her mother's whirlwind remarriage in London, and her crazy combined family's adventures through South America and California.

By the time Zainab was finished, the three were warming up Mitch's car: Mitch in the driver's seat, Zainab in the back, and Emily in the passenger seat. Emily sat back and sighed. It was so nice to be in a car and not the bus or train. Better not get used to it.

Mitch was impressed. "Wow. So where's the family now?"

"They're in upstate New York, where all respectable people end up eventually."

Emily gagged. "There is nothing respectable about the suburbs. Most of the people who live there are so bored they'll do anything, whether it's open marriages, swapping, or hard core dealing. I'd feel safer being in a crack house in the roughest part of Boston than the most elite suburb."

Mitch laughed. "I can promise you that there is no dealing or swapping going on at my house, and I'm not sure my parents could get an open marriage going. I had a great time in Natick. Maybe I lived in a parallel universe?"

"Oh God, stop!" Zainab threw her head back. "I feel a Trek recap coming on."

Emily giggled. "Okay, okay," she said, "but I'd much rather talk about swapping, drugs or Trek than finals. I'm starting to get nervous."

Mitch turned his head. "Finals are about five weeks away."

Emily sighed. "I'm taking an extra class."

Zainab shook her head in disgust and turned to Mitch. "And she's one of those annoying people who actually went through the syllabus and read everything already."

"And next quarter you will too." Emily pointed at her reprovingly.

Zainab scoffed. "Why, if you're still so stressed out about it?"

"I stress to get an A, not so I can pass."

Mitch looked at Zainab in the rearview mirror. "Do I have to start dragging you out of Princess Cappuccino at a certain time from now on?"

"Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow night?" She nudged Emily. "I think you can afford to give studying a rest for one night."

She just had to use the word 'afford.' "What did you have in mind?" Emily asked reluctantly.

"Something simple, like dancing all night."

Emily smiled. That was never simple, but it was fun. She did a quick calculation. "I'll do it on two conditions: One, you let me spend the night afterward—"

"Done."

"And you spend the next day studying with me—in the library or your house, not at a coffee shop."

"Fine," Zainab groaned.

Mitch cleared his throat really loudly. "And...what about me?"

"You're not going to be heads down with Joe?"

Mitch shook his head. "Wow. Have I been reduced to Joe Welles for my Friday nights?"

"You know he'd love that," Emily said softly.

He grinned as he pulled in front of Zainab's building. "Should I see if he wants to join us?"

Emily cursed under her breath. "Yeah, I wanted to study tomorrow anyway."

"Oh, shut up," Zainab said as she opened the door. "You're coming out with me, and apparently Mitch."

"I'll keep the evil Mister Welles away," Mitch whispered with a smile. Before she could say anything, he called out to Zainab. "You'll tell me where tomorrow?"

Zainab gave him thumbs-up. "And I'll see if I can round up everyone else."

"It's a plan!"

Zainab waved to them both, then winked to Emily when Mitch turned away. Emily opened her mouth, but Zainab smiled and walked into her building.

Mitch turned the ignition and revved the engine. "So...where to?"

"How well do you know Newton?"

"Route Nine, Comm Ave, Washington Street—"

"Ding-ding-ding! If you know Washington Street, you can find me pretty easily."

Mitch started driving. "How bad are Zainab's classes going?"

"I exaggerate, but she underrepresents. I don't think she'll fail, but she's definitely lost momentum."

"You're a good friend to care so much about it."

"Thanks, but I know what it's like to be the smart person filled with unrealized potential. It sucks."

"You haven't always been Little Miss Straight As?"

"I've never been Little Miss Anything, and especially not in high school."

Mitch smiled. "Tell me about high school."

"You first. Tell me a little bit about yourself."

"What's to tell? I live in Natick, I'm in the SGC, I'm a senior—"

"Big man on campus."

"And what year are you? Let me guess. Middler?"

"Wrong on two counts."

"How can I be wrong on two counts when I made one guess?" he asked.

"I should be a sophomore, but I'm actually pretty close to getting the credits I need to graduate, so I'm technically sort of a junior."

"Huh?"

"When I was in high school, I took some AP classes. I could have gotten better grades, but I did well enough on the tests that they gave me enough credit to come in as a sophomore. On top of that, I literally had nothing better to do the summer after high school, so I decided to take some classes over the summer."

"How many?"

"Four. Anyway, then I took extra classes throughout my first year, so last semester I was halfway through middler year. By the time this quarter is over, I'll be a junior. And if I keep going at this pace, I'll be done by the end of June."

"I'm sure you're a very hard worker," he said after a moment, "but that doesn't add up. You should still be just about finishing middler year."

"Oh right, I didn't take summers or any other quarters off. I've been going straight through."

They stopped at a traffic light. "I think I would have lost my mind by now."

Emily closed her eyes. "I sort of have."

"Insanity notwithstanding, I wish I had done that, but I don't think I could dedicate myself like that."

"Great segue, because we were talking about you," Emily smiled. "What have you been doing in place of racing through school?"

"Sorry, what did you say?" Mitch asked. Emily pursed her lips, irritated that he was ignoring her question. "So you're what, twenty?"

"I will tell you as soon as you get me home—by the way, bear left in two sets of lights—if you answer my question."

Mitch had to make the turn quickly. "Fraternity," he said quickly. "I was in a fraternity."

"Oh," Emily said after a moment.

"Was being the operative word. I am gone, I am out, and I am never going back."

My, how strident, she thought. "Why?"

"Because they asked me to leave."

"Did you kill someone?" she asked finally. "I know this is a stereotype, but I was under the impression that anything went at frats, short of maybe that."

Mitch raised his eyebrows. "No, I didn't kill anyone. What I did was much worse. I told them to stop hazing."

"Hazing? Why, other than that it's illegal and immoral?"

"That pretty much covers it. And I'd be lying if I said I never participated before, but it got worse."

"How so?"

"There's a difference between making your pledges walk home ten miles in the rain and making them drink in your basement until they vomit, and then making them drink some more."

"I don't know, how cold was it when it was raining?"

Mitch threw up his hand. "Not so cold that they couldn't shake it off with some hot coffee."

"Or alcohol?"

"Or alcohol. But I was not looking forward to dragging some unconscious eighteen-year-old to the emergency room with alcohol poisoning." He looked at something off in the horizon. "Maybe I just didn't have enough to drink myself one night. There is something about a roomful of sloshed up, slightly sadistic guys that loses its appeal if you don't have your own buzz going."

"And that's when you told them to stop hazing?"

"I did one better than that. I told them to stop, they didn't stop, and I reported them to our regionals, who of course found no corroborating evidence. And then within the week, they voted me out. Hence, Natick."

Emily smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry, especially about Natick. How long has it been?"

"Three months."

"Do you still talk to any of those guys?"

"My 'brothers'? They send me emails all the time to let me know what a jerk I am. But that's fine because I'm going to be sure that all of the incoming freshmen next year know what they have to look forward to."

"And that's why you joined student government," Emily said, thinking more. "And that's why you're on budget review. You want to limit their funding."

He made the turn at the light. "Ding-ding-ding! I can't let it go on."

"I respect that." Mitch looked at her. "Really. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for your principles, especially when your friends don't approve."

"Thank you, but I don't know if it's courage. Once the thought came to me, I couldn't let it go. I had to follow it through."

"No matter the consequences?"

"No matter the consequences."

"If you don't want to be brave, you'll just have to be dedicated, after all. Ooh, that's the next turn— Sorry!"

They pulled up in front of her house. "So, is that enough information? Are we even now?"

"Even Steven!" He laughed. "But I think you'll have to tell me about high school next time."

"Deal, but then you'll have to do the same."

Emily nodded in agreement. She found herself looking at Mitch's now glowing green eyes. She looked down. "So...thank you so much for the ride, you have no idea..."

"It's not Natick, but this is pretty far from school. How do you usually get home?"

"Actually, the fifty-seven bus gets off pretty much right here."

"But you have to switch lines from school. That settles it." Now Mitch looked down. "You're just going to have to let me know the next time you need a ride home."

"That's really nice of you, but I couldn't let you drive all this way for me."

"It's right on the way home. How about if you can't get out before ten, I'll give you a lift?"

"You're usually around this late?"

"I have homework too! Plus I've been working on some stuff with Joe, and since he lives on campus, he doesn't always think about time constraints."

Emily made a face. "I'll never know what people see in him."

Mitch shrugged. "He's an overzealous dork but essentially harmless."

"And here I was going to go with 'ambitious whore who thinks he's smarter than he is'."

"Yeah, dork." Emily laughed again, and Mitch smiled when she did. "So will you call me if you need a ride?"

Emily held his eyes. "Okay."

They continued to look at each other, then look away, then look back to each other. "So," Emily said, gathering up her bags, coat, and courage, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm assuming Zainab will find us both in her inimitable Zainab way."

Emily chuckled. "Nice fifty-cent word to end the evening."

"Just trying to keep up. But why don't I give you my number in case she can't?"

Emily copied his number into her phone then gave him hers.

"Great," Mitch said softly. They looked at each other again as if they were expecting the other to say something. Emily couldn't stand it anymore and giggled. After a moment, Mitch did too.

Emily finally forced herself to leave. "Thank you again. Drive safely!"

Once inside, Emily walked through the darkened house. She went into the bathroom, washed up, and then went into the study that she used as her bedroom. She moved papers off the loveseat which also functioned as her bed. She went to the little closet that kept her tiny wardrobe and changed. Then she got out her blanket and pillow, turned off the light, and lay down.

"Hmm," she said to herself, still smiling. Then she laughed a little bit. Sleep, she thought, or you won't catch the early bus. She closed her eyes, but opened them again, and when she did, she thought she saw stars twinkling at her in the darkness of her room. That had happened only once before, and that made her smile even more as she drifted off to sleep.

~~~

Mitch had figured out how to get to the Pike from Emily's house. It wasn't that far away. This might almost qualify as a shortcut. Don't get ahead of yourself, his reasonable voice boomed inside his head. He remembered that she hadn't mentioned her age, but he could guess: nineteen. He was going to celebrate his twenty-third birthday in less than six months.

She was legal, and she wasn't stupid. You're not going to go to jail, his other inner voice countered. But do you really want to be the guy who dated the nineteen-year-old? He made a face at the thought. There was an ick factor to dating someone still in her teens.

She might be turning twenty soon, he thought hopefully. I could wait until then.

Great. But would she? While you're in Ireland?

Ireland. For the first time, it wasn't making him happy just to think about it. It was the only thing that had kept him from sinking into a deep, pharmaceutically-qualified depression after the falling out with his "brothers." He still felt pangs of guilt over never having visited his Grandma Lulu's hometown before she died. Why did his chance have to come right now?

A lot can happen in a month.

True, but is it fair to start something that has to end by then?

He pictured himself with Emily, walking in the snow, watching TV and laughing. Maybe it didn't have to end. Let's see what happens tomorrow, he thought as he turned onto his exit.

# CHAPTER 2

Emily went to the library after her last Friday class. Despite her best efforts, she found herself thinking about starlight and smiling.

"Look who's burning the Friday afternoon oil."

Emily looked up. "Hey, Drew!" She'd never seen him at the library before on Friday. "What are you doing here?"

"As if you're the only one who likes to study on Fridays!"

"I think 'like' is a strong word." Be nice, but not so nice he stays, Emily thought. "I just want to free up the weekend for other things."

He sat down. "Such as?"

"Oh, impromptu movie fests, casual dinners, a big assignment." She shrugged. "And you?"

"Same thing, although without the movie or dinner part," he laughed. "I need my weekend free for the solar car."

"You guys do the bulk of your work on the weekend?"

"Most of the guys are there pretty much all through the night, every night. I'm just there on the weekends. I'm sort of the president, helping them come up with public relations strategies." He nodded, as if to agree with himself.

"So you don't actually install solar panels or anything like that?"

"Not unless they're in a rush, but I have been known to get out the sandpaper."

"Okay..."

"For the body of the car. We usually start with fiber glass, and then we need to shape it and smooth it down before we put the components in."

Emily really did think solar cars were cool. "Are you guys still constructing the body?"

"No, that's finally done. How these guys can be perfectionists on so little sleep I'll never know. All of a sudden, the frame is constructed, the engine is ready, the panels are installed, and boom! It's ready to go."

"And where is all of this going? Are you guys competing somewhere?"

"Are you kidding me? Not at this school! Maybe by next year, but I think it will be a few years before we're even close to being prize-worthy."

"What it is about 'this school' you find so contemptuous?"

He snorted. "So much of the coursework is dumbed down for people who still get Cs, and that's with the grades jacked up, unless you're an athlete. Then they've got to make sure you get the B. I get that people are trying to fit a lot into their lives, and it's tough for them, but their strategy obviously isn't working for them or us. Everyone knows what a joke we are."

This wasn't the greatest university in the country, but Emily worked hard for her grades. "So what are you doing here then?"

He looked down and shrugged. "They made me an offer I couldn't turn down, but if I'd known then what I know now, I would have bitten the bullet and gone to Harvard instead."

"Well, yeah." Now she was a little jealous. "Go to Harvard even if you have to scrub floors at night."

"I would have scrubbed floors, but it would have had to have been at night, in the morning, and while classes were in session, which would have gotten in the way of studying. Even then, I still would have to have taken out some big loans." He shrugged. "Harvard doesn't give merit-based scholarships."

So you're trapped here. "Make the best of it, right? And at least you're getting a free ride."

"Not entirely free. The first year was free, but since then, I've gotten half of a year. Plus I have to pay for my room, board, food, and fees."

"You're not a Kay Scholar? Sorry, I just assumed—"

"No. If I had been as smart as I say I am, I would be, but my high school guidance counselor got confused and only told us about the Achievement Scholarship. I think he thought I would be a slam-dunk for that one but not the Kay Scholarship. It wasn't until I got here that I found out about it and then I saw the people who did qualify. I almost left that weekend."

"Well, you've made it this far. You're what, a junior?"

"Yeah, I'm a junior, even with all of the co-ops."

"Don't those help pay for the balance of the tuition?"

"Yes, but not everything. I've gotten good assignments, but the real money is through the engineering and computer science schools. But..." He blew out through pursed lips. "I'd have to be lobotomized before I started hanging out with that crowd!" He laughed at his own joke.

"So how do you pay for the rest of it?"

"High-interest student loans, the American way."

"For those who have the collateral, I guess."

"You're awfully calm about the whole tuition thing. What are you, a trust fund baby?"

"Ha!"

"Are you a Kay Scholar?"

"God, no. I'm not 'in need.' My mother works here, and one of the few perks she gets is tuition reimbursement for her family."

"Oh, snap!" he said very loudly. "That's a great deal!"

"I can't complain, but sometimes the commute can be a pain."

"Anytime you need to crash, my couch is your couch."

"That's sweet of you..." She tried not to cringe. "But Zainab usually has me covered, and if not, there is always the couch in the math lounge. But shhh."

"How can I compete with that?" he laughed. "But let me give you my number in case you change your mind." She copied it into her phone then gave him hers. "So are you and Zainab BFF besties?"

Emily made sure she didn't laugh. "We're trying not to put any labels on it so we don't lose the magic of our relationship."

"Do you guys ever do anything that isn't cafés and studying?"

"We've been known to log some marathon hours in front of the television."

"Sounds exciting."

"Don't dis USA and TNT."

"Could you guys be interested in going to someone else's living room?"

Emily wished she could grip her seat without being noticed. "It depends on the living room."

"Two of the solar car guys are having a party next Friday, and if you and Zainab aren't busy, I thought maybe I could talk to you there instead of having to listen to more about the engine design."

Saying "I have to study" a week in advance would be a really bad excuse, even for her. "Do these people have names?"

"Carlos and Vijay are the ones with the apartment, but they'll be joined by Jordan and Richard. And I think Richard said something about a Jesse and Michael."

"Okay, well—"

"There's always a lot of beer."

Emily smiled and shrugged. "Have a great time, but—"

"But no one will make you drink it," he said quickly, "and they also put out a lot of food."

Damn, why was the prospect of free food making this more attractive? "I'm a vegetarian."

"To my knowledge, no animals are killed while making the guacamole, but if you'd like I can check."

She was out of graceful excuses. "Let me check with Zainab."

"Awesome! I'll text you the address. No, I'll see you in class on Monday. Have a great weekend." Before she could say anything else, he grabbed his bag and left.

Emily scowled. Maybe she'd get lucky and Zainab would have made plans already.

By five, Emily was at the café. She felt like she won the lottery when she got one of the plush chairs. She nursed her cup of tea slowly so she wouldn't have to worry about people looking at her like she didn't belong there.

She found a battered copy of The Globe. There never seemed to be much local news on Fridays, but at least there was movement afoot in the rest of the world.

"Anything good?"

Emily looked up into smiling green eyes. "Mildly amusing," she said, "but never good."

Mitch sat next to her. She remembered the night before he had been dressed like a hot preppy. Today he was still in jeans, but he'd traded the button-down and crewneck for a dark blue shirt with a white tee peeking out and a dark grey jacket. His clothes made his eyes stand out even more.

"You clean up well."

"Thank you very much. And...is that what you're wearing?"

She took out a folded black dress from her bag. "I was thinking of this." The dress was from a thrift shop, but the original owner hadn't worn it more than once. It had been in very good condition when she bought it for all of fifteen dollars, and she hadn't worn it more than three times herself. It was the kind of dress that was comfortable, but still clingy in the right places.

Mitch put his hand on the dress and rubbed it between his fingers, then pulled it over to him. "I'm sure this will have just the right effect."

"And what effect is that?"

"I bet you know."

"Oh, right, when does a woman dress for anything other than a man's interest?"

"You're the ones with the heels."

"For your information, I dance better in heels. And it's nice to have some part of your wardrobe function as a weapon."

"And the dress? What's the advantage of something that shows off that much of your legs and arms?"

"What can I say? I get pretty warm when I dance." She pulled the dress back from him slowly. "Why are you wearing what you're wearing?"

"I think the shirt's a little cooler than the sweater." He shrugged. "I can get pretty hot myself."

"Promises, promises."

"You're nineteen, aren't you?" There it was.

"You caught me. Don't worry, Zainab knows a bunch of places where I won't be carded. I wouldn't want to cramp a frat boy's style."

"There you go. You don't seem like a big drinker anyway."

She could tell he was disappointed. Should she leave? "I never picked up the taste. Beer is disgusting. Wine isn't as much of a turnoff, but all it does is make me sleepy. I do cook with it, though."

"What a lush!" Mitch laughed, and then stopped abruptly. "You cook?"

Was there something wrong with cooking? "How else do you expect me to eat?"

"You don't get enough sustenance from the tea and snacks here?"

"On my budget, I think I could eat about three times a month here before I ran out of money. It's much cheaper to cook at home and bring it with me."

"Wow. Most of the people I've met literally don't know how to use a can opener or boil water, much less cook." He cocked his head back. "What's your best dish?"

"Vegetarian lasagna," she answered.

"What's your favorite dish?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Scalloped potatoes and cream of spinach."

He nodded. "Mmhmm. What was the first thing you learned to make?"

"Macaroni and cheese."

"What were you cooking when you were twelve?"

"Chicken breasts. I wasn't a vegetarian yet."

"What's your favorite vegetable?"

"Broccoli."

"How do you deal with woody stems?"

"Cut off the florets, then peel the stems. Wait a minute. What's your best dish?"

"Stir-fried tofu and bok choy."

"Gotcha!" She clapped her hands then pointed her finger at him. "How do you stir fry tofu without crumbling it up?"

He smiled. "You heat up the pan for one minute, then heat up your oil and add the tofu."

"And then?"

"You wait at least three minutes on the first side before you start turning."

"Wow. Wait. Why do you eat tofu?"

"I'm a vegetarian, too."

"No way! Since when?"

"After my Eastern philosophy class. I wouldn't call myself a Buddhist, but when you see it in that light, it just feels wrong. If I we were desperate for food and it was between a chicken and me, the chicken would lose. But that isn't the case most of the time. And you?"

"President of my high school's Animal Rights Club. I've calmed down since then, but I still don't eat meat."

"What did you do?"

"Back then you wouldn't want to wear a fur near me."

"Are there any criminal warrants out on you?"

"There may be a few fur owners who might have had a gripe with me three years ago, but I think they would have replaced their coats by now." She laughed. "Criminal warrants... How very Law and Order of you."

"Ugh!" He shuddered. "That show is the worst. To think people actually believe that's what the police and court systems are like! No wonder this country is such a moral cesspool."

"Pre-law?"

"Criminal justice. As close as we get at this school."

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't realize I was surrounded by so many people who were settling when they deigned to come here."

He put up his hands as if protecting himself. "I was very grateful to get here, and I've been squeezing my education for all it's worth, although, maybe not as much as some people. But I'd have to be blind not to notice its reputation."

"I'm sure since you left your frat, you've met many more of the academically-motivated."

"Hold on there. I was single-handedly responsible for making us the fraternity with the highest grade point average, and when I left, they became one of the lowest. Yes, I 'participated' in most of the festivities, but only if it wasn't a school night."

"You're right. Frat boys can be smart. Oh wait. You're not in a frat anymore, are you?"

"I concede nothing, but you like to win, don't you? Maybe you're the one that should be a lawyer when she grows up."

"Great idea, except I have no passion for it."

"Then what are you passionate about?"

"I will tell you on one condition."

"Go on."

"Stop talking to me about when I grow up."

"Fair enough."

"I really like yoga and Pilates."

"Really?"

"What?"

"Nothing, I just expected you to say something about superconductors or international banking," he said, then thought for a moment. "Do you think that would work for me? I'm looking for a new workout."

"There are so many different kinds of yoga out there that you can use it for almost anything if you know what to look for."

He frowned. "Except maybe getting really built up, right?"

She shrugged. "I'm a bad test case. I'd have to eat nothing but protein shakes, egg whites, and probably meat, lift four hours a day, and take steroids before I'd get big muscles."

"So you're basically a guy."

She smiled. "Yes, I'm a guy. And what do you do?"

"Not enough. I used to run and lift weights, but I overdid it. My doctor told me I could walk again or run again. Once. I try to hit the weights and some of the cardio machines at the gym, but I feel like such an old man when I get, you know, on the elliptical."

"Well, yeah! Those are things that, like, twenty-five-year-olds use!"

Mitch made a face. "Point taken."

"Uh huh."

Zainab walked in a little bit later. "Thank you for joining us!" Mitch said as he kissed her on the cheek.

Zainab looked serious. "Sorry. I was researching our options and I just found out about the crackdown at the Tiger club last month."

Mitch frowned. "You mean because of that cokehead they caught in a bathroom?"

Zainab nodded. "Word is that in addition to bringing his stash, he also had a few underage companions with them. None of which is noteworthy except that one of the girls was connected to a city councilor. He was pretty pissed, so IDs are actually being checked now."

"There are some places we can go Metrowest, and then there's a bunch of places on Route One," Mitch suggested. "And I've got a car. Not a problem."

Zainab groaned. "We've got a car, but most of the other guys don't, so we've got to stay T-accessible."

Emily put up her hands. "Guys, it's no big deal."

"You're not getting off that easily. There is an option over the river."

They waited. "But?" Emily finally said.

"It's being hosted by Tau Epsilon Theta."

Mitch stopped breathing. "Maybe I shouldn't go."

"Who or what is Tau Epsilon Theta?"

"They were Pi Alpha Gamma's biggest rival. We didn't always play nice," Mitch said. Emily could tell from Mitch's voice that that was an understatement.

"Haven't you been out of your fraternity for a while now?"

"Not long enough."

Emily stood and saluted. "Guys, have a great time. I'm going to go home, make myself a Shirley Temple, go crazy with some Battlestar Galactica, and call it a night. But you, my friend, are mine tomorrow at nine, so don't invite anyone over, okay?" Before either could respond, Emily dashed for the door.

She walked out into the twilight. It was always so tense going out and coordinating who was going, where they were going, how they could sneak her in. So Emily was just going to go home, get comfy, and go to sleep. All was well. But...sometimes it was nice to do something different. Maybe tonight she'd go see a movie instead.

"Emily!"

She turned and saw Mitch running after her. She stopped and waited. When he reached her, he took a deep breath. "Boy, you walk fast!"

"Not fast enough."

He tilted his head. "I can't let you bail on my account."

She shook her head. "Sorry, but it's bad enough when there's a friendly bouncer. This serves the greater good."

"Nice Star Trek Two reference, but I couldn't live with myself if you went home."

"You'll be fine then because I'm going to see a movie. I think Copley's playing the latest Brad Pitt—"

"And you're such a big Brad Pitt fan?"

"Just because he's beautiful doesn't mean he can't act. But I'm going one way and you guys are going the other. Have a great time and hopefully I'll see you around."

"Fine. I'll see the movie with you."

Emily's cheeks tingled. "You can't."

"I can't go see a movie? There must be a constitutional amendment."

Emily never realized before how difficult it was to argue with someone who had gorgeous green eyes and a great smile. "You and Zainab had plans."

"No, you and Zainab had plans, and I elbowed my way in."

"That's not an improvement, just so you know."

"Zainab isn't going to miss us."

"Are you underestimating my importance to her?"

"I think you're underestimating how many people she'll have around her tonight." He smiled. "And what do you have to be afraid of? It's a movie, it's not like I'm asking you to elope."

Emily sighed. "A movie?"

He put his hand on his chest. "Just a movie."

She thought for a moment then moved in closer and put her hand on his. "Only," she whispered, "if it is the most sweeping, cheesy, romantic Brad Pitt ever."

"And if that's not playing?"

"Then you are going to buy me the best dinner of my life and tell me about what happened in the battle of the two fraternities."

"Sounds like a plan. Let's say bye to Zainab and get my car."

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "I'll meet you there. I want to walk."

"Are you going to make everything hard?"

She grasped his hand and shook it. "Yes," she said. He grinned and walked away.

She had been walking for five minutes when Zainab called.

"What are you doing?"

"I think I'm seeing a movie with Mitch. Don't be mad. Now the rest of you can have fun."

She could see Zainab shaking her head through the phone. "You know you're the one I wanted to hang out with tonight, right?"

"So come with us."

Zainab laughed. "That would be fun, with the two of you making googly eyes at each other over me."

"Zainab! I wasn't— I'm not going to—"

"Yeah, sure. Are you still coming over tomorrow?"

"Yes, dear. So don't be too hungover, because I'm putting you through your paces."

"Whatever you say."

Emily looked at the phone after Zainab hung up. "I'm not," she said before she put the phone in her bag.

# CHAPTER 3

Emily got to the mall and sat down on the stone ledge by the pool in front of the movie theater. Ugh. Brad Pitt really was playing.

"You beat me here." She turned to see Mitch. He looked at the marquee and grinned. "It's playing after all, and you're just dying to see it, aren't you?"

"You win."

"Now what?"

"I believe we agreed that you were going to buy me dinner—"

"The best dinner you've ever had."

"—the best dinner I've ever had, and then tell me all about why you'd rather spend the evening with a little kid like me than go to that frat party."

"Can you be bribed out of part two?"

"Not unless the bribe is my diploma."

He clucked his tongue. "Dinner it is then."

"Let's see. There's Friday's, but every time I've gone there before, I've gotten food poisoning. There's Chili's, but I made myself something Mexican for lunch... Oh!" She smiled and clapped her hands. "Au Bon Pain!"

"That is the best dinner of your life?"

"No...but I've sort of been in the mood for one of their cheese sandwiches."

"We could always walk down to Newbury Street."

"I'm so not in the mood to wait in a line on a Friday night with the beautiful people while I'm holding all of my stuff."

"Au Bon Pain it is!"

"Cool. Do you mind going to the one on the upper level? The lower level can get so crowded."

"Sure, but then you have to explain your touch of agoraphobia."

"Huh?"

"You've managed to talk your way out of dancing, Newbury Street restaurants, and a 'crowded' Au Bon Pain. That's starting to sound like a pattern."

"It is. It's all part of my plot to get you alone with me." She smiled. "And I guess it worked."

"Is that the truth, or just your way of trying to end the conversation?"

"That—" She touched the tip of his nose lightly. "—would be telling."

They walked to the escalator and then through the bridge to the adjoining mall in comfortable silence. While riding down, he turned around. She looked up at the ceiling, trying to suppress a giggle, but she couldn't. She started laughing, then he followed, and by the time they got to the other side, they couldn't stop.

"People must think we're crazy," she finally said.

He looked around. "Nah, I think they get it."

"You're not very gallant, you know."

"Did you want me to carry you through the revolving doors?"

"No, but maybe we could go to your car."

"Wow, things are moving along pretty quickly."

"I'd like to get rid of these bags."

"Oh! Okay, you stay here, and I'll bring the bags to the car."

"Thank you. And for your reward, I'll get you a drink. What's your poison? Don't say coffee."

"Elixir of the gods, but you're right. How about a diet coke?"

"Ew! Are you serious? I'd rather get you a coffee."

"What's wrong with diet coke?"

"I don't know. I've always spat it out too quickly to be able to give a full description."

"I wouldn't want to force you to compromise your values."

"Diet coke it is. I'll just make sure not to handle it too much." She playfully tossed her bags at him and practically skipped away.

~~~

He stood for a moment and watched her leave. The stupid grin started to leave his face and a more serious smile replaced it. He kept it on as he found his way to the garage.

Nineteen, he kept reminding himself as he waited for the elevator to arrive. Ireland, he thought when he stepped in to the elevator.

Three months is not a very long time, he thought as he arrived at his floor. Yeah, but a lot can happen in three months. What if she meets someone else, but doesn't do anything because she's noble? What if she meets someone else and I can't do anything about it? What if she gets out of school so quickly, I'm not there when she graduates?

He shook his head as he put the bags in the car. He walked back to the elevator, trying not to think about curve of her lips when she listened to him talk. Maybe she could come with me. Right, and bail on everything she's worked so hard for? And I'll just put her in my suitcase for the whole trip.

She shook the diet coke at him as he approached. "As promised."

"And I thought you weren't going to touch the stuff."

"For you, anything." He smiled at that and sat down. Emily leaned in. "So, the other part of the arrangement was that you tell me what happened between you and the fraternity-which-I-cannot-name."

He put his elbows on the table. "The thing is I'm not sure I can provide you with all of the details."

"Just do your best."

"It was last year. May."

"The scene is set."

"Our weekends usually went pretty well. And by 'well,' I mean that there was usually a lot of liquid refreshment and company."

"Girls. All of whom showed ID before you let them in."

"Absolutely. However, there were occasions when we didn't have as much company as some of the other guys would have liked, and during those times, they would go looking for some to bring over a day or two before."

"You guys put the 'organize' in 'organization'."

"You cannot fault us for our forethought. Usually, we didn't have to look too far, but with finals approaching and our strange academic calendar, that weekend found us a little short. So some of the other guys ventured out into parts unknown, also known as Boston University and Boston College."

She shook her head slowly. "And?"

"There is kind of an unspoken rule between fraternities...and territories."

"Territory. As in ownership?"

"We preferred to think of it as an implied right."

"First dibs?"

"That works." He smiled, but she didn't. "Some of the younger guys obviously did not understand this because they brought back a whole bunch of new girls. We thought that was great until we realized where they were from."

"Don't you have a chapter or something at BU or BC?"

"Ah, so you're not a total Greek novice?"

"Some things have managed to gain my notice."

"We could have had a chapter at the other colleges, but we didn't. So when some of the other frats found out, they were pretty pissed. Only one, however, thought it was worth their time to pay us a visit."

"And did you have cookies and tea waiting for them?"

"Not exactly. And this is where it gets hazy. I remember some shoving, yelling, punching..." He nodded as he listed. "But the next thing I knew, a bunch of us woke up in the basement half-naked with some of the other frat guys." He was silent for a moment. "And there was some marker writing on us. And there were no girls." He looked around. "But there were some pictures on our cell phones."

"And then?"

"We all agreed that one, we weren't going to each other's campuses again, and two, it never happened."

She laughed again. "What an exciting life you used to lead."

"Excitement isn't everything it's cracked up to be. I think there's an old Chinese curse: 'May you live in interesting times.'"

Emily frowned. "I'm not Chinese."

"I didn't think you were." He paused. "But I did think you were something."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "Serbo-Croatian? Norwegian? Pakistani?"

"No," Mitch said slowly. "Something Asian, East Asian." She was silent. "But maybe not..."

"Korean," she said after a moment. "Or, my Dad was...is. So I guess it depends on whom you ask. Some will say absolutely, some will say not at all."

"Hmm." He nodded knowingly. "I get that sometimes."

"Not being accepted by either the Korean or Euro-American communities?"

"No. Yes. I mean, Jewish communities. My mom is Jewish, but my dad isn't. They raised me as a Jew. We go to a reformed synagogue, when we go to synagogue, but sometimes my dad and I get...let's call them curious glances."

"Isn't that different? You are Jewish, right? It's a religion. It's negotiable."

"Except for the purists."

"True," Emily sighed. "My Mom was, er, is the opposite. Her dad was Jewish, her mother was not, and the Jews in our family weren't even reformed."

"Oh ho," Mitch said involuntarily.

"Excuse me?"

He smiled. "I knew there was something I liked about you."

Emily tilted her chin. "You have a thing for quarter-Jewish girls?"

"No, but I think I should. But only if they're also half-Korean." She looked away, trying to think of something smart to say, but she couldn't. "And now you're supposed to say something nice about half-Jewish boys."

"You should be a gentleman again and change the subject."

"So what do you want to do when you're out of school?"

"Drink, most of the time. When I'm not shooting up."

"And how do you plan to finance your habit? Student loans?"

"I really would rather spend my days in a crack house than go to school anymore."

"You mean you're not going to graduate school?"

She looked up at the ceiling. "I am so burnt out now, I'm surprised I don't set off fire alarms."

"That's no surprise. They have vacations, even co-ops, for a reason, dummy."

"I bet you call all the girls that. No, this is better, because now I'll be out more quickly. I know this sounds stupid and ungrateful, but I never wanted to go to college. Hell, I didn't want to go to high school. I would have been happy sitting in the Boston Public Library all day studying on my own. Of course, then I probably would have been an expert in hemlines and hair color but learned nothing about politics or history. Maybe it was all for the best. Of course it is. I just wish I could do anything else."

"So what would you like to do when you're done?"

"If money were no object? I'd love to tramp around the world. I've always wanted to take the 'Alexander trip.' I'd start in Macedonia and work my way to India. Then do him one better and get to China and Korea, just because." She sighed. "But even if money weren't an object, that's just not safe anymore." She propped her face on her hands. "My interview is over for now. Your turn. What do you want to do when you escape from college?" Emily asked.

"I feel pretty square, but I'm planning on coming back for more. Law school, and I'm looking forward to it." He shrugged. "I'm pretty simple."

"Not at all." She smiled "The law is noble and exciting. What kind?"

"I guess I like to argue, so maybe litigation. I haven't decided yet. I was too busy taking the LSATs. I'm sorry, we're not all as complicated and interesting as you are."

"I don't buy it. I'm sure that beneath your calm exterior, you're burning with passion for...something," Emily said.

Mitch raised his eyebrows. "You know, this is just a first date."

"Date? Is that what we're calling it?"

"Is there some reason this doesn't qualify?"

She sipped the last of her drink, stood up, and said, "In my universe, dates include food. I'm always hungry."

He stood up too. "You don't look like you always eat," he said finally.

"I didn't say I always eat, just that I'm always hungry. You know—" She playfully tapped his chest with the back of her hand. "—still growing."

Her hand tingled when he took it into both of his. "I guess," he said quietly, "I'm just going to have to feed you then. What am I getting you?"

She looked at him looking at her. She hoped she wasn't turning red. "I think I'm not as hungry as I was a minute ago."

"Am I doing something wrong?"

"I didn't say that," she said softly.

He reached for her face and put a lock of hair behind her ear to match the other side. "If I don't get something for you, I'm going to feel like a jerk." He took her hand back and led her to the escalator.

She stood to one side of the escalator while he leaned on the other. She blushed and turned away to look out the windows. "Wait, are we heading toward the reflecting pool?"

"Yeah. Whole Foods is that way. I thought we could grab some bread and cheese."

"How European of you. Not that I've ever been to Europe. But—" She pointed and looked at him. "—isn't this where you were mugged?"

"I think we're safe, I don't have any school books with me tonight. Do you think it might be dangerous?"

"It might be, but I'll protect you."

She jumped off the escalator and pulled him with her. They crossed the street and walked to the reflecting pool. He jumped up on the stone border and started walking backwards on it.

"Stop!"

"I'm not going to stop," he said. "I think I'm going to close my eyes."

"Stop!"

"And if you keep telling me to stop, I might fall in, get soaking wet and then catch pneumonia. And then you'll have to take care of me for months on end, miss class and not graduate. Is that the life you want for yourself?"

"All of this assumes that you're not going to fall and crack your head open. Get down!"

He shook his head. "I'm not going to get down. In fact, you're going to come up. You're going to have to hold my hands and make sure that I don't fall in. I mean it. I'm going faster!"

"Oh, Jesus!" She jumped up onto the smooth stone. It was about five inches off the pavement, but she felt a little off balance. Though she'd lived in close proximity to the pool for years, she'd never done this. "Open your eyes or I'm going to push you in myself!" she shouted.

He opened his eyes and grabbed her hands. "If you want me to get all wet, there are easier ways."

"Get down from there now!" A booming voice, which sounded as if it were being magnified by a bullhorn, came from a security guard next to the building. "You are not allowed to step or sit next to the reflecting pool. Get down right now!"

"Happily!" Emily jumped onto the pavement and pulled Mitch with her. "Sorry! Won't happen again!" The guard made sure that they were down and well away from the pool before he slowly walked off.

"You're stupid!" she said, hitting his arm once the guard was out of sight.

"Ow! What was that guy going to do to us?"

"Fine us for trespassing, Mister Lawyer, and I would be very hard-pressed to pay it."

"Don't worry, I'd bail you out."

"Dude, you haven't even made it to dinner yet."

"Right, food!" He grabbed her hand and they ran across Mass Ave, laughing as they dodged traffic. They ran into the store giggling. Emily grabbed some fruit, and Mitch got the bread and cheese. The food rang up to twelve dollars— "This had better be some good cheese!"—then Mitch grabbed two chocolates. "For you, my dear," he said as he handed them to her. She grinned.

"What, no coffee?" Emily teased as they got out of the store.

"Princess Cappuccino is open until twelve-thirty tonight."

"Did you know there is another one on Newbury Street?"

"Newbury Street? Hmm, is that cheating on the Gainsborough location? I mean, it's a different store, but it's the same store, you know?"

"What do you think the Supreme Court would say about it?"

"Who's the complainant?" They walked up Mass Ave to Newbury as they puzzled it out, gobbling up their bread and cheese on the way. By the time they got there, they determined that if the proprietors were bringing charges against them, they wouldn't have a case, but if the staff, who might have grown accustomed to their tips, did, that would be another story. "And I do try to tip," Mitch said as they walked down the stairs into the Newbury store. "My mother had a friend who worked in a coffee shop for a little while, and they totally depend on the extra dollar or two they get per hour. It doesn't seem like much, but it adds up."

"I always think of it as good karma to protect myself from people spitting into my tea."

"With that in mind, I insist that you get something other than tea."

"Excuse me? You haven't known me long enough to be irritated, have you?"

"I think it might be a long night, and the extra caffeine might help."

She sat down and watched him from the back while he ordered for them. She could tell he still worked out. His frame wasn't large, but he'd made his shoulders bigger. When he moved his arms slightly, she could see his upper body become more defined, even under a shirt and jacket. He moved like he was proud of his body, but not overly so. She started wondering what he might look like underneath the layers.

"For you." He sat down and handed her a pinkish, brownish concoction topped with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. "Yum," she giggled. "I have the worst sweet tooth ever." She started to take careful sips.

"Good to see you have some vices."

"Ugh! Don't encourage my depravity."

"Coffee and chocolate are hardly depraved."

"What would count, since drugs and alcohol are off the table?"

"Isn't there an Adam Ant song to this effect?"

"I don't know, he's a little before my time."

"Then how do you know about him at all? And how do you know he's before your time?"

They talked about old music, the merits of classic Doctor Who—he was for, she was against—and the upcoming election for a while before they realized that they were the only people left in the place and that the guy behind the counter was looking at them resentfully.

"Okay, what's next?" Mitch opened the door for her and they stepped out into the brisk fall air. It was just about midnight.

"Is anything else open that won't card me?"

"Yes!" Mitch snapped his fingers. "Caffe Aventura in the North End. They're open until, I dunno, three in the morning."

"Is the T even running this late?"

He looked at his watch. "Yeah, but we've got to hurry." He grabbed her hand and off they ran until they got to the ICA stop on the Green Line.

"Wow!" she shouted over the noise of the train once it started moving. "I don't think I've ever had a whole car all to myself!"

"I once saw a clown on the T late at night."

He must be tired, she thought. "Um, when I was three, I beat up a clown. That's what he got for being scary."

"This one probably wouldn't have scared you. He wasn't wearing makeup or a costume."

"Then how did you know he was a clown?"

"The flips and somersaults gave it away. That and the balloons."

"It's always the balloons. Otherwise they'd be able to blend in."

"Are you still afraid of clowns?"

"No. I actually think some of them are pretty sexy."

"Excuse me?"

"Not the ones that look like Bozo, but the ones in the well-fitted black and white costumes. Harlequins? Pierrots?"

"And...I think we've found another vice."

When they got to the café, she put her hand on his arm. "I just realized something. If you get me any more caffeine, I might throw up."

"Will you throw up if I drink some, or eat?"

"No..."

"Then let's go." He led her in the door. It was surprisingly busy, but they were able to find a free table. "Ooh, look at that!" Emily said as they passed the dessert counter. "I might be able to find room for a cannoli."

"Can you manage that with an espresso?"

"What did I just say?"

"You could nurse it..."

"Is there some reason you want to keep me jacked up tonight?"

He leaned forward and put his face in his hands. "I like talking to you, and I want to do it as much as I can."

She held his eyes for a moment. "Alright, but you can't expect anything I say in another hour to make any sense."

An hour and a half into their conversation, she indeed lost her train of thought and stared at him. He made a goofy face, and she laughed. "You caught me."

"What were you thinking?"

"That I didn't enjoy myself this much the last time I stayed out this late."

"The last time? How late did you stay up?"

"At least until two."

"Then we're staying until three, for sure."

"Only if you get me another cannoli."

"Consider it done." He took a deep breath. "And who were you with?"

"Another girl." She paused. "Another heterosexual girl."

"Hmm. And how old were you?"

"Fifteen."

"Really?"

"What?"

"I can't picture you up past your bedtime at that age."

"At that age, I could have done anything I wanted to as long as I didn't get picked up by the police."

"Ah, you were one of those lucky kids with permissive parents."

"Just one. My parents were divorced by then, and the psychotically strict one left me with the pathologically lax one."

"Sounds like a good deal."

"I thought so too, for the most part. Of course, I did question it when there wasn't any food in the house."

Mitch laughed, but Emily's expression didn't change. "I'm sorry," he said, sitting up. "Food was always readily available in my house."

"Well, I never starved."

"That must have been rough."

Emily shrugged. "Even when there was food, I tried to avoid being around my mom that year. That was when she married my stepfather, and it didn't matter if I was there or not. I was a non-person."

"No, you weren't." He took her hand. "And you're not now."

She squeezed back, and he held on tighter. "I wish I could trust you, but you're sort of exhausted and tired and who knows what you're going to say?"

"Then you're going to have to let me say these things when I'm awake."

"Yeah? Sorry, but I'm not going to believe you about anything until you get me that second cannoli."

"Waiter!"

They talked until the café closed at three. The charm of an early fall evening was over. It was just cold now. Emily leaned against a building next to the restaurant, rubbing her hands together. "Okay, buddy. It's three o'clock, there are no trains for a few hours, and we're out in the cold. What do you have in mind now?"

Mitch leaned over her and put his hands on her shoulders, then gently rested his chin on her forehead. She put her hands on his chest, just to keep warm, of course. "Better?" he asked.

"Oh, much." She tilted her head up to look at his smooth neck then hugged him. "But I don't think anyone is going to let us stay here all night."

"Are you always like this?"

"Talkative? Yes, it keeps me amused."

"You seem like you're worried someone's going to send you to the principal's office."

"And I suppose that's served me well, because even during my darkest hours that never happened."

"Hmm. And I'm sure that made you a lot of friends."

"Some friends aren't worth having."

"So were you friend-free or just friend-less?"

"Friend-less."

"Mmm hmm." He started playing with her hair. "And were all of them girls?"

"Once I grew out of my gnome-state, I did manage to acquire a few friends of the Y-chromosome persuasion."

"Just a few?"

"And most of them were just friends."

"How many weren't?"

She looked up, and he backed away. "Why do you ask?"

"Typical insecure guy stuff. I like to know who I'm being measured against."

"I think you're projecting. How am I doing in comparison to everyone else?"

"You are in a class all by yourself." He cleared his throat. "What about me?"

She took his hand. "Suffice to say, my taste in high school was so bad that, for the most part, Joe Welles would have been a better boyfriend."

"The most part," he repeated. "So who's my competition?"

She looked down for a moment. "He sort of doesn't count. Really, he was just a friend, and in some ways, he wasn't even that."

"Oh, that's so much worse."

She shook her head. "It's not."

"Then why does he even get considered?"

"Because he was there for this one moment when everything seemed like it was as it should be and I wasn't alone." She smiled at the memory. "The starry night."

"There were a lot of stars?"

She giggled. "No, but I saw them anyway."

He came closer. "So how am I stacking up so far?"

"I haven't questioned my place in the world once tonight."

"So I'm the male version of Zainab. I guess that's a start."

"Zainab's great," she whispered, "but she doesn't make me see stars."

He moved in closer still. "Em—"

She put her fingers over his lips and smiled impishly. "No. This is sort of perfect right now."

"Anyone ever tell you you're a tease?"

"Anyone ever tell you you're impatient?"

He put his hands around her hips. "So how long do I have to wait?"

She suddenly remembered Drew. "Someone from my favorite class is having a party on Friday. Or he knows someone having a party—"

"Oh, it's a he. Your favorite person from your favorite class?"

Emily started giggling. "No, I don't think so. He's kind of a dork."

"I write some legislation with Joe and suddenly you think I'm all about dorks?"

"Ah, but if you come to the party, you'll also get to be with me. And, sorry, I cannot promise the same if you choose Joe."

"Then I would love to come to your friend's party next Friday."

"It's a date then."

"It's another date."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "We should go."

"Don't you like it here?"

"I don't think I've been this happy for a long time, but I'm getting cold."

"I could be an excellent source of heat."

"You know what else warms you up?"

"What?"

"Laughter!" She stuffed her hands under his armpits and tickled him. He shouted in surprise, then she ran down the street, laughing.

"I am going to kick your butt all over Boston when I catch you!" he shouted.

She turned around. "If you catch me!" She waited for a moment for him to get closer, then turned and ran faster. She heard him cursing. She ran until she got to the walkway at Christopher Columbus Park, making sure she didn't outpace him so much that he couldn't see her. She sat on a bench, crossed her legs, and folded her hands over her knees.

He panted and dropped next to her. "Thank you for joining me!" she said.

"Did I mention my knees?"

Was that something about walking or running again? She bit her lip. "You could have told me to stop," she said sheepishly.

"I would rather be crippled than admit weakness."

"Is that the exhaustion or the caffeine talking?"

"Just my male pride."

"Even better. Are you at least warm now?"

"Oh, I'm warm."

"Good. But unfortunately, I don't think we can stay on this bench."

"Why, who's going to get us now?"

"The cold, you big, crippled jerk."

"Okay, we can go somewhere else, but that has to be our last stop until we get to the car. And preferably it will be something near the car."

"The car at the Pru?"

"Is there another car I don't know about?"

"You're so cute when you're testy and injured." A thought came to her, and she smiled gleefully. "I've got the perfect spot."

"How much walking is involved?"

"Less than we'll need to get to your car."

"Lead the way."

At the corner of Atlantic and Kneeland, he asked, "So, where exactly are we going?"

"My special place."

"Are there dolls and tea sets there?"

"Love tea, hate dolls." She grabbed his hand. "You'll see."

They walked down Kneeland Street until it turned into Stuart, and then into Boylston. "Are we going to the library?" They turned onto Arlington and walked toward Commonwealth Ave. "We're going to the river?"

"Basically." They got onto the footbridge that wound over Storrow Drive. At the end of the bridge, they walked about twenty feet and stopped at the first bench. "Ta da!"

It was a little reservoir of water bounded by two benches and shielded by a weeping willow. To the left was a small footbridge that led to the rest of the river park. Emily sat down on the bench and patted the seat next to her. "You have to sit to appreciate it."

Mitch sat, and once he looked up from that vantage point, he smiled.

"Your special place. And how long has this been special to you?"

"Just a couple of years now. I stumbled onto it during the last year of high school. I used to come here to think." She yawned and stretched out her arms. "Sorry. I guess I needed more caffeine to stay awake all night."

"You want to take a nap?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm not sure this place is special enough to protect us from the people who go bump in the night."

He looked at his watch. "It's not even nighttime anymore. It's four-thirty. I could set my watch to wake us up."

"Hmm...maybe that's not a bad idea," she said, letting her eyes close.

He set the alarm on his watch and turned to her. She was fighting sleep and losing. "Why don't you put your head on my shoulder?"

"You know," she said sleepily, "I used to love that song."

"What song?"

"Ask your parents," she murmured, then let her head drop onto his chest.

# CHAPTER 4

Mitch opened his eyes a few hours later. Emily was sleeping on his chest as he held her. She looked so peaceful.

He turned off the alarm on his watch. It was seven-thirty. They'd been asleep for three hours. Best night of his life, lousiest sleep of his life. Fair trade.

"Okay, Sleeping Beauty. Time to wake up."

"Wake up?" she murmured sleepily.

"Yeah. You're sleeping."

"Then how come we're talking?"

"Because you're waking up."

"Then I'm not sleeping."

"Oh, brother." He stroked her face and ran his fingers through her hair. She started to shake her head, then squirmed. "No, stop," she said. "It tickles."

"Sorry, but didn't you say you had places to go, people to see, things to do?"

"Like what?"

"Like Zainab?"

Her eyes popped open. She sat up straight and looked around. "I'm on a bench," she said. "I'm outside, on a bench." She turned to look at him. "Outside, on a bench, with you." She blinked. "And we were up all night. And then I hurt your knee, and we walked all the way here from the North End." She sat back and turned her head to the street. "I need to change. I need to go to Zainab's. Um..." She licked her lips. "Where are my bags?"

"In my car."

"I should get them, right?"

"Why don't you stay here, and I'll go get the car?"

"I think it's better if I keep moving. I'm cold."

They walked silently, unable to form words. Then Emily suddenly laughed.

"What's so funny?" Mitch said hoarsely.

"Zainab went out drinking, and I got coffee and pastries. Guess which one of us is going to be more awake?"

They were on Fairfield Street. "Yeah, but I bet you had more fun."

Emily didn't say anything, but she smiled and took his hand as they crossed Boylston. They made their way into the Prudential and then to the food court. "Why don't you sit for a minute and I'll get you some tea." Emily nodded and sat down, closing her eyes.

~~~

When she opened them, there was a steaming mug of tea in front of her and Mitch was sipping his coffee.

She sat up and blinked. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Five minutes."

"Ugh." She sipped her tea. He'd put just a little milk and sugar in. She smiled. She really liked him.

"What's your plan with Zainab?"

"I don't know." She looked up to see him smiling at her. She wished they could stay there all day. "Care to make a wager as to what time she got back last night?"

Mitch looked at his watch. "I'm going with three-thirty only because everything is closed by then."

"What about the frat party?"

"Hmm. That could have gone a little longer. Maybe we should call her."

After about eight rings, Zainab picked up. "Hello?" Mitch said after waiting thirty seconds in silence.

"Mitch?" a voice finally managed.

"Zainab, is everything alright?"

"Everything's alright."

"Where did you guys end up last night?"

"Last night? Where did we end up?"

"Did you go to the club?"

"The club."

"Did you go anywhere else?"

"Anywhere."

Mitch looked at Emily, then back at the phone. "Where are you now?"

"Now."

"Zainab, what are you doing right now?"

"Talking to you."

"Right, but where?"

There was silence for a moment. "Um, on the wall."

"Why are you on the wall?"

"Because it's flat and I can sit."

"Why don't you go to bed?"

"It's too far away."

"Okay, Zainab, you go back to sleep, okay?"

"But I am sleeping."

He hung up. "I think she made it to the frat party. I'm not sure how she made it home."

"What was that about a wall?"

"I think she fell asleep on the wall."

Emily stood up. "Let's go."

Twenty-five minutes later, they pulled up in front of Zainab's apartment. Mitch looked at Emily for minute. She bit her lip and kept her gaze on his mouth. "So," he said at last. "Friday night. The dork from your favorite class."

"You are going to be so unthreatened, you'll be disappointed."

"Just so you know, I think the word you're looking for is 'relieved'."

She smiled and shook her head. "Why don't you help me with these bags?"

She buzzed Zainab's apartment. No answer. She buzzed again, growling in frustration. She buzzed one more time, and finally Zainab answered. "Hello?"

"Hello, study buddy!" The door buzzed after a second, and Emily pushed it open. Mitch pushed in her bags.

"Do you want me to help you upstairs with those?"

"I don't think Zainab's awake enough to process that."

He looked down at his feet. "So, I'll see you on Friday?"

"Yeah." She nodded quickly. "Next weekend. I mean, part of next weekend—"

"Next weekend sounds good." He looked up.

A thousand things she wanted to say, but she settled on, "Yeah, sounds good." Then she lightly tapped his shoulder as she turned to walk in. "Thanks for dinner, sort of, and the ride."

"Next time will be even better," he said as he walked away.

Emily couldn't wait.

# CHAPTER 5

Friday was a good day, because on Thursday, he had to attend an organizing meeting for his trip to Ireland. It was the first time all of the participants were scheduled to meet, and afterwards they were going to dinner. He had been looking forward to this before, but now he wished he could get out of it. Or maybe bring Emily with him. But that would be weird, especially since he hadn't said anything about Ireland yet.

The more he thought about it as he drove back, the more he thought that three months wasn't a big deal, and that Ireland wasn't so far away. He could call, she could call, they could Skype. It could be done. And maybe it was better that way, because they could take it slowly. And then when he came back... He smiled.

His mother looked at him with a mixture of relief and exasperation when he finally walked in the door at eleven. "Jesus, Mitch! Where have you been?"

"I'm fine. I might need to be hospitalized if you offer me some coffee, but otherwise I'm fine."

"Okay," she said slowly, glancing at him sideways. "Do you want something to eat?"

He touched his stomach and turned away in disgust. "Right now, all I want to do is sleep until tomorrow." He climbed the stairs to his room, then fell onto his bed face-down.

~~~

Mitch woke up at six-thirty that night. He changed his clothes and went down to dinner.

"Everything all set?" his father asked as Mitch munched some bread.

"Still all set," he mumbled between bites.

His father cast his eyes down as he smiled, and Mitch smiled a little to himself as well. His trip was as important to his father as it was to him. "So, Dad, any places I need to go while I'm there?"

"I don't know. Your grandmother told me the same stories so many times that I got used to tuning out the details," he laughed. "Just make sure you get to County Cork, and tell them you're from the Rowley's line. You should be just fine."

"Good enough," Mitch said as he resumed working on his bread.

# CHAPTER 6

Emily had let Zainab sleep for three more hours before they studied. She could have used the sleep too, but instead she showered, changed, and straightened Zainab's apartment. When Zainab woke up, Emily had lunch ready. "Why do I let you leave again?" Zainab asked as she started to eat.

"So you can sleep on the wall?"

"What?"

"Your phone call with Mitch?"

"What call with Mitch?"

"Very funny."

"No, you're the joker here. What are you talking about?"

Emily laughed but stopped when she saw the serious look on Zainab's face. "Do you really not remember talking to Mitch on the phone and telling him you were sleeping on the wall?" Zainab looked stunned. "What time did you— Oh, screw that. How did you get home?" Emily asked.

Zainab opened her mouth as if she were going to say something then closed it. She sat back. "I don't know," she said after a moment.

"Okay, Miss Pharmacy Major, is that what you call a blackout?"

"Stop."

"I'm not going to stop. You're scaring me, and I don't want you to do it again."

"Good, I'm not going to."

"Good, because if you do, I'm going to follow you around and be your designated Jiminy Cricket."

"And that's different from the usual how?"

"It's different because if I always did that, we'd be studying now."

They were heads down in their books for the next five hours. Emily quizzed Zainab on her toxicology notes before they broke for dinner. Through her own exhaustion, Emily could tell that Zainab, once she got going, was really into chemical interactions and the effects on the body. The theory of it at least.

"So you haven't told me about what happened last night," Zainab said as she ate the pasta and broccoli Emily made for dinner.

"We talked, we ate bread and cheese, we talked, we got mochas, we talked, we got cannoli and espressos, we talked, we fell asleep on a bench. You know, your typical Friday night out."

"That sounds kind of romantic."

"Everything but the caffeine."

"And?"

"And nothing. That's it. Then we stumbled back to the Pru and found out you were sleeping on your wall."

"Anyway! Now what?"

Emily looked down at the table. "How would you like to go to Drew's party with us next Friday?"

"Drew's having a party?"

"Well, he invited me to a party. His solar car friends or whatever are throwing it."

"So which of them are you trying to make jealous?"

"Neither! But maybe it wouldn't be a bad way for Drew to get the hint that I'm not interested."

"Or you could just not go to his party and do something else with Mitch."

"I think I want to be around people."

"People who are going to be talking about engineering?"

"Sounds like they like to drink as much as everyone else. Does that sound better?"

Zainab frowned. "Since I'm such a lush, sign me up! And you know who else loves free beer? Joe. I bet he'd love to come."

"Oh, come on!"

"You want me to wingman at this thing, that's my price."

Emily groaned. "What do you see in him again?"

"He's...funny."

"So am I."

"He's smart."

"No, he's not."

"Sorry, we mere mortals are easily impressed. And he's cute."

She didn't see it...at all. "Is it the hair? The eyes?"

Zainab shook her head. "No, it's the smile. Especially when he talks to me."

Emily was going to say something when the image of Joe trying to work that crowd popped into her head. "Okay, bring him. Please." No matter what else happened, that was going to be worth watching.

# CHAPTER 7

Mitch had wanted to call Emily every day after Saturday. He thought about her smiling, pretty, exhausted face, laughing at his bad jokes. He thought he should have kissed her. He thought about taking her somewhere where they could be alone. He thought about spending every minute he could with her until he had to leave. And then he thought about leaving. The more he thought about it, the more he dreaded it. What if she didn't want him to go? What if he didn't want to go? What if she didn't care if he went? What if this was all a big mistake on his part? He should do the calm, rational thing and tell her that he had to go before anything started. But hadn't something already started?

He walked into the conference room on the third floor of Ayers Hall at five-thirty on Thursday night. The director looked at his watch five minutes later. "Let's get started. Thank you all for coming out tonight. Hopefully we'll be able to use this time to clear up any last-minute questions. And then I hope you'll be able to join us for dinner. As you may know—"

He was interrupted when the door swung open. A tall, thin young woman with wavy reddish-brown hair stood in the doorway. "Sorry I'm late," she said breathlessly. "The trains were running a little bit behind."

"Quite all right, Miss Allen," the director said, although there was annoyance in his voice. "Please have a seat."

The director resumed his introduction, and the young woman found a seat next to Mitch in the back. "Did I miss anything?" she whispered as she took off her coat.

"No, not really. He just started."

"Good! I'm Kyra Allen, by the way."

"Mitch Graham."

The director's talk lasted for about thirty minutes and then five or six of the participants had enough questions to last another half-hour.

People stood up at seven, and Kyra walked over to some other women. Mitch lingered at the table with the brochures on his way to the exit.

"Anything good?" someone asked cheerfully. Mitch looked up from the table and recognized Martin Shepard from last quarter's politics in Eastern Europe.

"Hey! I didn't know you were on this trip."

"Sort of a last-minute decision. It was either this or Christmas with my parents. I'm assuming the food will be better."

The dinner for the group was at a restaurant that was a five-minute walk from the university. When Mitch arrived, Kyra waved to him. Martin slapped his back. "I'll catch up with you later." Before he could say anything, Kyra called his name.

He walked over to her table. There was a green purse on the chair next to her. Martin was already at a full table.

"Is this seat taken?"

"I'm saving it. For you," she said.

"Thank you." Anything else would have been rude.

"And why are you going to the Great Green Isle?" she asked as Mitch took his seat.

"Hoping to experience my grandmother's culture, as well as see some of the sights. Maybe get in some credits while I'm there. You?"

"It seemed like a good opportunity to travel, and I keep missing Ireland."

"You've been to Europe before?"

"Oh, sure," she said lightly, leaning back so he had to turn his neck to look at her. "Spain, Italy, France, the Netherlands. You?"

"Very first time to Europe. First time out of North America, actually."

She put her hand on his knee. "You know what they say," she said.

"What do they say?"

"First time for everything."

She squeezed his knee, then let go. Mitch thought he should get up and go find Martin and ask about classes this quarter or talk about politics. But instead he stayed in his seat, half-heartedly participating in a conversation with two other people near him before dinner came to an end. Throughout, there was only one word he was thinking: Ireland.

When dinner was over, Kyra turned to Mitch. "Are you joining these guys for drinks after?"

He shook his head, but he didn't get up. "No, I've got to drive home."

"Too bad. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Friday. Are you busy?"

His choice. He had an easy option and a hard one. "No," he said, and he wasn't sure which one he'd picked. "I am free tomorrow." They exchanged numbers before she left. He stayed about ten minutes afterward to say good-bye to some of the other people, then left himself.

She's pretty, he thought as he sat in his car and adjusted his mirror. And she's not beating me up with her cleverness. That's good, right?

He turned the ignition. I'll go to Ireland, I won't be lonely, and she won't be either. She doesn't have to suspend life for three months. And didn't he hear Kyra say something about junior year? So wouldn't she be about twenty-one? No promises were made to Emily...right?

And then he remembered a promise that was made. Tomorrow night, he was supposed see Emily. Yeah, he'd be a big jerk if he didn't show up without saying something to Emily first. Plans change, right? So he just had to come up with an excuse. He couldn't call now. He had to talk to her. So he'd have to do it tomorrow. Tomorrow. He nodded to himself as he drove off.

# CHAPTER 8

Emily had wanted to call Mitch since Saturday as soon as she'd left Zainab. She wanted to call him to see if he wanted to study with her on Sunday, but that was geeky and desperate rolled into one. She had looked at her phone at times, wondering if it would be okay if she sent him a text, but she didn't want to incur the text charges—unless he texted her first.

She'd see him on Friday. That would be soon enough.

She woke up on Friday expecting to be excited, but instead, she was filled with dread. She tried to cheer herself up and smiled as she made breakfast and packed her lunch. She made sure she wouldn't lose control by leaving the house before her mother and stepfather woke up. She reviewed the work she'd done on the bus ride to school. Yes, it was perfect. So what?

As she walked into her first class, she reminded herself that she hadn't dated since high school. She'd forgotten whatever she'd known when she was younger, and that had been a paltry amount to begin with. And she couldn't ask Zainab. What could she possibly know if she thought Joe was worthy of her attention? That was it, she assured herself when the professor walked in. Everything would be okay.

Where am I meeting you tonight? she texted Zainab before her last class.

Why don't you guys meet me at the café? Zainab texted back.

I'll see you there.

What's wrong?

Why could Zainab see her so easily through their phones? Nothing, I'll see you then.

Are you going to tell Mitch where to meet?

I will when he texts me.

I'll text him, Zainab replied two minutes later.

Don't.

She met Zainab at the café at six. "Don't start," Emily said as she sat down.

"He didn't text or call?"

"This is you starting."

Zainab squeezed Emily's hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't think he was like that."

Emily squeezed her hand back. "It's not your fault. I'm just a moron. This is why you don't stay up late and let strange men feed you coffee and cannoli, because then you might believe the lines they drop on you."

"And which ones did he use?"

"'No, you are a real person.' 'Yes, you're in a class all by yourself.' And 'it's a date.' You know, the classics."

"Bastard," Zainab spat. "Do you still want to go to this party?"

"Hell, yes!" Emily was not going to let some lying jerk deprive her of...the company of Drew and these people she'd never met before that she might not have anything in common with.

"Really?"

"I mean, you invited Joe already, so that would just be awkward if he showed up and we weren't there, right?"

"I bet he'd understand-"

"Hmm. 'Hey Joe, we're not going tonight because your jerky friend Mitch blew off Emily.' No."

"I was going to try something like Emily doesn't feel well."

"But that would be a lie, Z, because I feel just fine."

Zainab told Emily how much of a pompous ass Mitch could be at SGC sometimes. Emily wanted to ask why she set them up in the first place if that was the case, but she knew Zainab was trying to make her feel better.

Half an hour later, Zainab got a text from Joe. "Hmm."

"What?"

"Joe needs me to help him review a bill from the Academic Affairs Committee."

"Now?"

Zainab shrugged. "If I don't, he's not going to be able to make it."

"You know, that's not—"

"It won't be that long, I promise."

"You are going to make me go to this by myself?!"

"I will be there by nine, I promise."

Emily flopped back in her chair. "Oh my God, Zainab. If you're not, I will hunt you down and lock you in your apartment and then hunt Joe down and punch him in the face."

Zainab stood up and patted her shoulder. "That won't be necessary."

Emily sat in the café for another half-hour nursing her tea as long as she could. Finally, she texted Zainab the address and a short threat, then got up to leave.

The silver lining was that her night could not possibly get worse.

~~~

It should have taken someone twenty minutes to get to the address from the café. It should have taken a fast walker like Emily fifteen. Instead, she was there in thirty.

She looked at the buzzer and sagged. Without Zainab to put on a show for, she was losing her nerve fast. Maybe she'd need a code word and wouldn't be able to get in?

No such luck. Someone buzzed her in without asking who it was. Fine, she thought. She'd stay until Zainab came, smile a lot, then leave twenty minutes later, proving her point to anyone who was looking. Oh right, no one was looking. Good.

The door swung open after one knock. She stood back. Not what she'd expected.

A tall, young blonde girl with blue streaks and grey eyes answered the door. "Hey!"

"Hey?" Emily looked at the number on the door. "I think I must have the wrong address. Someone named Drew invited me to something—"

The girl rolled her eyes. "No, this is it. But Drew isn't here yet."

"Oh, well!" Emily chirped. "I guess I shouldn't—"

"Don't you dare leave me!" the girl whispered, pulling Emily inside.

There were about twelve people there, all men. Most of them were in the kitchen, congregating around a tall man with dark hair, glasses, and a very high forehead. "What's your name?" the girl said as she took Emily's coat.

"Emily. You?"

"Jessie."

Someone took notice of the two of them and beckoned them into the kitchen. Jessie shook her head. "Everyone, this is Emily. Emily, that's everyone."

"Jessie!" the tall man said testily.

"Fine. Emily, that bossy guy with the glasses is Richard, who's also my cousin. He's standing next to Vijay, who is standing next to Jordan, who's standing next to Carlos. I have no idea who the rest of them are, so they can come out and introduce themselves when they're done talking about the latest in solar blah, blah, blah." With that, she grabbed Emily's hand and took her into the small living room.

"I'm guessing you're not into engineering?" Emily asked.

"No, I'm here because my babysitter demanded I come."

"Um, Richard?" Emily asked as Jessie grabbed a handful of chips and nodded. "Aren't you a little old to need a babysitter?"

Jessie popped the chips into her mouth. "My point exactly." She swallowed and grabbed a soda. "And why are you here? You can't possibly be dating Drew."

"Dating? Uh, no. He's in one of my classes. He invited me last week, and then I invited a friend, who invited another friend."

Jessie turned to look back at the door. "And where are these other friends?"

"Late."

"But so is Drew. It all evens out." She sat up and brightened. "Actually, I'm here, so you're in the black."

Emily shook her head when Jessie offered her a soda but grabbed some chips herself. "And what would have happened if Richard hadn't brought you here?"

Jessie shrugged. "Nothing I wouldn't have been able to fix by tomorrow morning."

"You've got a lot of practice with cleanup?"

"You have no idea." She turned to look at Emily straight on. "You really don't, do you? You seem pretty goody-two-shoes."

Emily took another chip. "Everyone knows how to make a mess."

"For real."

"And what mess would that be, Jessie?" Emily looked up to see Richard walking over. Up close, he looked even taller because he was so thin. Emily tried not to stare at his hair too much. Was it a high forehead or thinning hair? How old did you have to be to have thinning hair?

"Which mess would you like me to start with? Or should I say, whose?"

Richard set his jaw and turned red. "So, um, how do you know Drew?" Emily asked quickly.

Richard blinked. "The solar car, among other things. And you?"

"Comparative literature, England and Spain, sixteenth century." Emily opened her arms then sliced down with her hands. "Where it's at," she said in her best would-be gangster slang.

Richard laughed, and Emily smiled. Jessie laughed after a moment. "I can see why you'd want to come here then. You must not get out much."

"And you get out too much," Richard said softly.

Emily smiled uncomfortably. "Speaking of out, I should probably—"

"Way to go, Richard. You always make the interesting people leave, and then look who you're left with."

"This isn't a good time—" Richard stopped and looked at his vibrating phone, then picked it up. "Michael?"

"Michael!" Jessie exploded.

Richard stood up and walked away.

"Who's Michael?" Emily asked.

"Richard's piece of garbage cousin."

"I thought you were his cousin?"

"Other side of the family. Thank God," she muttered.

Richard hung up and walked back over. "Okay, Jess, I've got to take you home."

Jessie folded her arms. "Why?"

"Because I have to go out."

"What did he do this time?" Jessie snarled.

"It doesn't matter, but I have to get him," Richard replied.

"Screw you! You can't drag me around all night because you keep changing your mind about who's more important."

Richard waited for a moment before he said anything. "Jessie, I can't take you with me."

"Then leave me alone! And you want to go get him so he can come back to our house?"

"Jessie! I'm going to take him back to his house."

"That'll take you what? Three hours? And what am I supposed to do at home? Watch TV?"

"Will you please stop arguing? I have to go."

"Go, but I'm not going home."

Emily twirled her hand. "I'm going to be here for a little while, if you want to hang out with me." She looked at Richard. "If that's okay?"

Jessie threw her arm around Emily's shoulders. "See? Emily will babysit. And I have a feeling she's even more square than you are."

Richard looked at his watch. "Jessie, I mean it. No smoking, no drinking."

Jessie let go of Emily. "Blah, blah, blah. Do you have to go somewhere or not?"

"Fine." He turned to Emily. "Thank you."

"You're...welcome?" Emily said as he ran out. She turned to Jessie. "What was that about?"

"That was about Richard being a jerk who thinks getting caught drinking is worse than being a rapist."

"What?!"

"Forget it," Jessie said as she waved her hand. "Okay, where are we going? I need to get out of here."

"We're not going anywhere until Zainab shows up."

"Is she more fun than you are?"

Emily smirked. "Watch it, dude. Richard probably is more fun than I am."

"I doubt that," Jessie muttered as she reached for the chips.

The doorbell rang. Someone—Carlos?—left the kitchen to buzz the door, then returned.

Emily opened the door to see Zainab's smiling face thirty seconds later. "Sorry we're late!" she said as she hugged Emily.

"My fault," Joe said as he walked in. "I kept answering my phone when I should have been listening." He waved to everyone in the kitchen and went in to greet everyone. "Hi, I'm Joe! Thanks for inviting me."

Emily cocked her head to the side as she watched Joe work the crowd. She couldn't hear what they were saying too well, but within one minute, he seemed to be getting everyone's name, what they were studying, and, she was pretty sure, some details about the solar car. Within two minutes, everyone seemed to be engaged in a lively conversation with him.

What was it about him? Emily wondered. There was nothing wrong with him, but there was nothing spectacular. He was well-groomed but nothing special, average height, average hair color, average skill. But these guys thought he was the best thing since the invention of the cell phone.

Jessie snorted. Emily turned around. "It's really easy," she said, gesturing toward Joe. "All you have to do is act like you care about what they're saying."

"Most of the time, he does," Zainab said.

Emily frowned. "Zainab, Jessie. Jessie, Zainab."

Zainab shook Jessie's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You're not with that guy, are you?"

"No," Emily answered for her quickly. Zainab raised her eyebrows at her, but she shrugged.

"Good!" Jessie said a little too loudly. "You can do much better."

The doorbell rang again. This time, Zainab answered it.

"Oh, hey, Zainab!" Drew said as he walked in.

"And so can you," Jessie said to Emily.

"Um, thanks?" She turned to Drew. "Hi."

He seemed to brighten. "I'm glad you made it. Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?"

Jessie shrugged. "Drunks and rapists, but we made Richard leave, so now everybody's safe."

Zainab and Drew laughed while Emily looked at Jessie. When she looked back, she saw Drew looking in the direction of the kitchen. He seemed to go blank. Emily followed his gaze and saw that he had settled on Joe. "Do you know Joe?"

"Obviously." Jessie smirked.

Drew looked back at Emily. "Uh, no. Sorry. That's why I was staring. I haven't seen him before."

"Zainab can introduce you," Jessie said. Zainab scowled, and Emily tried not to laugh.

"What? No, that's okay. I'll just go say hi myself." Emily watched him walk into the kitchen then shrugged.

"He's a jerk," Jessie said.

"So is there anyone you do like?" Zainab asked.

Jessie stared at Zainab then Emily. "I like you two," she said after a moment. "Lousy taste in guys, but otherwise you seem okay." She put her arms around both of their necks. "But I will like you both a lot better if we can get out of here."

Emily sighed. "And that sounds like a plan. Don't start!" she said as Zainab started to open her mouth. "He's not going to miss you."

Zainab looked toward the kitchen. "I think you're right. Alright, ladies, where to?"

"I sort of like that Princess Café-thingy on Newbury Street."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Aw, man." She'd been able to forget Mitch up until now.

"You don't like it?

"No, it's just that I...um, I've been there before."

"Oh, Em!" Zainab said after a second. "Then let's go somewhere else."

Jessie sneered. "What? You went there with some guy and now you can't go there again? Screw that. We're going!"

Emily stood up straighter. "Yeah, we're going." She wasn't going to let some jerk ruin the same night twice.

Jessie punched Emily on the shoulder. "That's what I'm talking about!" She grabbed their coats and threw Emily hers. "It's been real!" she shouted to the men in the kitchen.

Drew looked like he was starting to say something, but Jessie shooed them out the door before Emily could stop.

Jessie giggled once they were in the cold night air. "Would you believe that's actually better than a lot of Richard's other parties?"

They arrived at the café a minute later. There were more people than there were last Friday, but not so many people that they couldn't find a seat.

"What are you guys having?" Jessie asked when they got to the counter.

"Just some coffee and a croissant," Zainab answered.

"I'll just get some chamomile tea," Emily said.

"What? Guys, this is dinner, and I'm buying."

"Who said anything about you buying?"

Jessie frowned and turned to the girl behind the counter. "Ignore anything these two say. We'll have three pieces of the ham and cheese quiche—"

"I'm a vegetarian!" Emily piped up. "Don't ignore that."

"Fine, two pieces of the ham and cheese, one piece of the spinach and cheese. We'll also have three slices of the chocolate cake, two lattes, and a pot of tea."

The girl smiled as she rang the order in. "Is that everything?"

"For now." Jessie pulled out what looked to Emily like a black American Express card. She hadn't realized those were even made. She was more impressed that the total came to just under thirty dollars after tax. She'd never dreamed of spending that much in a café in two weeks, let alone one sitting.

"Who are you?" Emily blurted out as soon as they sat down with their food.

"Jessie Bartolome," she said as she took a bite of her quiche.

"Bartolome? As in the Bartolome Library?"

"Well, not me, but one of my great-grandfathers or something like that."

Emily tapped the air with her finger. "So is Richard a Bartolome?"

"No, the lucky bastard. His dad was a Hendrickson."

"I think I've seen that name on some reports," Zainab said before she sipped her latte.

"I think I've seen that name on a couple of buildings downtown."

"Don't be impressed, ladies. With the exception of Richard, every single one of them sucked, and the Bartolomes are worse." She winked. "Present company excluded, of course."

"Of course," Emily said, raising her cup of tea as she did so.

# CHAPTER 9

While Emily had been at the café, Mitch had been having sex with Kyra across town.

She had asked him to come to her apartment at six-thirty that night. She lived in a swanky building on Marlborough Street. They talked a little bit about where they might go in Ireland, and then she poured him some Italian Barolo, which she declared to be the best she had ever tasted. After his first glass, she laughed that his face was turning bright red. He looked in the mirror and laughed as well. Mid-laughter, she kissed him. He kissed her back.

It was nine-thirty before she came up for air. "That's going to make Ireland interesting."

"Yeah, I'll say," he said, looking at the ceiling. "Definitely something else to look forward to."

She rolled over and started nibbling on his ear. "And what else were you excited about?"

"Hardly in the same ballpark, but I was looking forward to some of the Irish history, ancient and twentieth century, and of course the poli sci classes and, um," he laughed. "I can't remember anything else now."

He rolled over and kissed her. He was ready for another round. She seemed to like the idea, but then suddenly popped up. "I'm sorry, I've got to get out of here." She started gathering her clothes.

Mitch propped himself up on his elbows. "You have to leave right now?"

"Yeah," she said, putting on her clothes. "An out-of-town friend is coming in, and I signed on for pickup."

"I can give you a ride."

Kyra looked up. "That's okay. The train station is really close by."

"But it's late—"

"Trust me, I'm a big girl." She finished getting dressed then gave him a kiss. "But call me on Sunday. Let's do something then, okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sounds great," he said, a little dazed.

Mitch got out of bed and took a shower, dressed and left her apartment. He got into his car and drove away smiling. He put in The Cure and sang to himself, then got home to find his parents watching an old movie on TV. "Guys, you do know there is something called a DVD player, right?"

His father looked at his watch. "And you do know that there is something called a telephone, right? These days, you can even fit them into your pocket and take them with you, or so I hear."

"Since when do you need me to call home?"

"It's a parental prerogative," his mother said. "Last week was a fluke, but twice in a row and we get worried."

Mitch tightened his jaw. "Yeah, well, I think I'm back a lot sooner this time." Without another word, he walked up the stairs.

He was brushing his teeth, looking eye to eye with himself in the mirror, when suddenly he started gagging. He couldn't stop, and two minutes later, he was vomiting. "Ugh!" He rinsed his mouth out and went back to his room.

"Honey, are you alright?" his mother called from downstairs.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

He shuddered a bit, then closed his door and changed. He turned out the light and got under the covers. Barolo must be too sophisticated for me. He closed his eyes for a moment then opened them again. The room was too quiet. He shut his eyes tightly for a moment and tried to relax. Whatever, he thought, trying to sound casual to himself.

As he drifted off to sleep, he had two parallel thoughts: Sunday and the call he never made.

# CHAPTER 10

Emily, Zainab, and Jessie were still at the café at ten-thirty when Jessie's cell phone rang. "Oh, go screw," she muttered as soon as she heard the ringtone. She answered it and repeated herself. "I'm with her now, and her friend Zainab. Well, you didn't say when." She curled her lip. "No, I'm not telling you where we are. Because we're nearby and we'll be coming home soon, and you can just calm the hell down." She sat up straight. "Yeah, that does make me feel much better. I hope she's not home now. Just shut up. I'll be home when I want." She hung up. "Richard says hi," she said flatly.

"Hi," Zainab said after a moment.

Emily could picture Richard's face. "Uh huh. That sounded like we need to get you home, and it also sounded like Michael isn't there."

Jessie scoffed. "There's a special Do Not Enter sign around my house that has Michael's name on it. Aunt Lucy's pretty useless, but she was pretty serious about that."

Emily looked at Zainab, who nodded and turned to Jessie. "You know, Emily's sleeping over my house tonight. Why don't you join us? We can watch bad movies, eat some popcorn, drink a few beers."

"You two can have the beers," Emily mumbled.

Jessie smiled, and Emily realized how young she was. "That's really nice of you guys, but I think Richard's taking me back to school tomorrow and all of my stuff is at the house. But let's do it when I'm back for break."

"Back to school," Emily repeated. "And where is that?"

"Connecticut."

"Boarding school?"

"Yeah."

"How old are you again?"

"Fifteen."

"Right. No beers for you then."

"Oh, Jesus." Jessie turned to Zainab. "Where did you get her from?"

They left the café and walked along Newbury Street. Jessie wanted to look in every window and make snide comments about how ridiculous everything looked, but when they got to Dartmouth Street, she groaned. "Turn left."

They crossed Commonwealth and Emily smiled despite everything. She loved the way the Commonwealth Avenue Mall looked when lit up at night. They crossed Marlborough. Did Jessie live in Cambridge and were they going to walk across the Charles?

They stopped at the corner of Beacon. "Yep, this is me."

"Wow," Zainab whispered, looking at the large house. "I didn't think they had houses like this in Boston anymore."

"You guys should come for the Christmas party when I come back and I can show you what a piece of crap it is on the inside."

Emily giggled. "I don't see how we can resist!"

Zainab hugged Jessie. "It was nice to meet you."

"I bet you say that to everyone."

Emily hugged Jessie too. "Well, I don't, but it was. You sure you're going to be okay?"

Jessie nodded. She seemed tired. "I'll be fine. But you can text me tomorrow just to make sure."

"You got it."

Jessie opened her door then waved to them both. They stayed until she closed it, then Zainab turned to walk back up Dartmouth.

"Zainab, wait," Emily said. "Can we walk up Commonwealth to Kenmore? It's kind of beautiful now."

"Sure."

They got onto Commonwealth, and Emily smiled. Between the lights and the arching trees, she felt like they were walking on a magical path. But she didn't want to get anywhere right now.

"You think Jessie's going to be okay?" Zainab said after a moment.

"Yeah. That Michael guy sounds like a piece of work, but Richard seems like a nice guy."

"I'm sorry about Mitch."

"Speaking of pieces of work?"

Zainab chuckled. "His bill is being voted on soon. Do you want me to vote against it?"

"Zainab! Isn't it sort of a good bill? And won't Joe be pissed at you?"

"Forget about Joe. I can vote any way I want."

"Don't vote against it because of me. I'd feel like a jerk. But it's nice to know you love me more than you love Joe."

"To hell with Joe."

"To hell with Mitch."

"To hell with Drew?"

"Oh, God! Not even."

They took the train from Kenmore to Zainab's house. Emily made some popcorn and then they put on an episode of an old show called The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Zainab fell asleep on the couch before it was over. Emily sighed.

She was now alone without anyone to distract her from her loneliness and disappointment. She wanted to cry, but she wasn't going to cry or even tear up. Someday, this would be nothing.

She looked at the dark-haired man on the screen, trying to stop someone from passing secret documents to the enemy. That was something, she thought. So was graduating. So was Zainab. So was Jessie. Mitch was... No, she wasn't even going to think his name again.

"To hell with him," she repeated to herself, then focused on the television, determined to finish the episode.

# CHAPTER 11

The next morning, Mitch got in his car and drove to the university. He got out and walked down St. Stephens Street. He stopped in front of the unassuming white building which no one would know was the Hillel of the university. He looked at the calendar of events. There was a Shabbat service this morning, but it wasn't until ten-thirty. He felt his hands grow clammy and his breath stop in his throat. Maybe he shouldn't go in. But then he remembered how fitfully he had slept.

He was about to walk up the stairs when he heard a girl exclaim, "You have no shame, do you?"

Mitch turned around. On the street was a pretty young woman with curly dark hair and pale skin. She was facing a tall, broad-shouldered man.

"What can I say? I'm not trying to impress anyone."

She walked up closer to him and pointed her finger at his chest. "I find you following me again and I will make you as miserable as you've made me. You aren't even supposed to be in Boston right now!"

"What are you going to do?" The man smiled, bending down to bring his face closer to hers. "Tell on me?"

Mitch took a step off the stairs. "Is there a problem?"

As he got closer, he could see that the man was drunk. Not hungover, but drunk. The man smirked, turning to Mitch. "Just a friendly disagreement."

"Except we're not friends," the woman spat. She looked at Mitch. "I was just going inside. You too?" Before he could say anything, she walked away.

Mitch didn't like bullies. "I think the lady said you should leave."

The man scoffed and turned away. "And the lady always gets what she wants."

Mitch made sure the other man was out of sight before he followed the woman inside. "What was that?"

She hung up her coat. "I'm sorry. Actually, I'm Miranda, and I usually do a much better job of keeping my life away from here."

"That guy... Was he stalking you?"

"Believe me, that is the least of his crimes."

Mitch's eyes widened. "Has that guy hurt you?"

"God, no, but I almost wish he would so I could turn him in."

There were a couple of questions Mitch wanted to ask to, but it was early, and he was tired. "Okay... I'm Mitch, by the way. Is the Hillel always this exciting?"

"Not on Saturdays."

Mitch didn't think she was funny, but he smiled anyway. "I guess you can have the rabbi first."

"He's not here yet."

"Oh." Mitch was disappointed. "So what are you doing here?"

"I'm the chair of the Event Committee. I just wanted to double-check some details."

"Maybe you should talk to him instead," Mitch said gently.

"He's heard it all before." She looked at him. "What are you here to talk to him about?"

He hadn't forgotten. "It's kind of complicated."

"It isn't any fun if it's simple."

"Then this is hilarious. I think I met the perfect girl last week. Beautiful, intelligent, funny, into science fiction, and—" He paused. "What?"

Miranda was smiling. "I'm sorry, you remind me of a good friend of mine. So what's the problem?"

"She's nineteen."

Miranda waited for a second. "And?"

"And I'm twenty-two. And she's nineteen."

"And you're worried about what?"

"I'm worried that she doesn't know what she wants."

Miranda raised an eyebrow. "Or that she doesn't know what you'll want?"

"Not just that, but yeah, I have thought about it."

"The sex isn't as perfect as she is?"

"I haven't even kissed her."

"So what are you here for exactly? Permission to date someone who is three years younger than you are and even legal to marry?"

"Not exactly."

"Oh. There's someone else...because there's always someone else."

What did that mean? Mitch thought. "I'm not like that. But...sort of."

"Someone you were interested in before, who only now became available?"

"Someone I met two days ago and slept with yesterday."

"Because you're so in love with this other girl?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Is there more to this story? Because I don't get it."

"I'm going to Ireland in a few weeks, and this other girl is going with me. The first one, Emily, she's not."

"And now you won't be alone."

Mitch let that sit in the air for a moment as he felt Miranda's blue eyes dig into him. "And now I won't be alone."

"What's so scary about being alone?"

"Who wants to be alone?"

"I've been alone for most of my life." She paused. "And I think I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't love."

Mitch rubbed his face. "I have to go to Ireland," he said finally. "It's been planned for years, and I want to go."

"And she told you not to go?"

"She doesn't know I'm going." He avoided her stare. "And I was supposed to see her last night, but I was with the other girl instead."

"Now I get it. You shot yourself in the foot so you wouldn't have to go to war, but now you're wondering how you're going to live with the pain."

"I thought this would be easy. I didn't go looking for anything. It just happened. Sometimes you should go with the flow and let everything be easy. Right?"

"Flow is irrelevant. The question is what do you want?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Isn't it always?"

Mitch stood up. This wasn't helping. "I've got to go. Are you going to be alright?"

Miranda nodded. "He's gone. Don't worry. But you...you should fix what you did."

"Um, thanks. Nice to meet you."

Mitch walked back to his car. He didn't know what he wanted. If he had really wanted Emily, then Kyra wouldn't have been a temptation. Right? Or maybe he just didn't know what he wanted more. No. He was going to ride this out. Where was the harm?

# CHAPTER 12

Emily walked into her comp lit class on Monday. She really loved this class. She loved the language, political intrigue, and ambiguity. And she loved Professor Hazlett, who made her think more deeply and work harder than she had in any class so far.

Emily suppressed a yawn as she greeted her. Professor Hazlett chuckled. "Late night?"

"Slightly. I think I fell asleep around one-thirty this morning."

"Wow!" Drew said as he walked in. "I'm impressed you came to class!"

Professor Hazlett looked at her watch. "As are we all, Mister Strand."

That day's lecture was about Iago. She agreed with Professor Hazlett's theory that he wasn't a meaninglessly malevolent puppeteer but was instead a tool himself of patrician Venetian society. The rest of the class didn't like the ramifications of what that meant. Everyone thought it was more interesting to talk about Othello's possible bipolar disorder or Desdemona's growing victimization. Those were interesting questions, but, sci-fi buff that she was, she liked the overarching political conspiracy theories much better.

As she packed up to leave, Drew tapped her on the shoulder. "Sorry about Friday."

Emily immediately thought of Mitch. Why would Drew be apologizing for him? Then she thought of Jessie and remembered.

"For being late? Don't worry about it."

"That, and for you having to play babysitter. Jessie can be a real handful."

She shrugged. "I wasn't babysitting. I was making a new friend, and eating chocolate cake."

Drew laughed. "Sounds like a birthday party."

"See? It's all good."

"Speaking of good, how is your final for comp lit coming along?"

"Done, actually. Cervantes, Shakespeare, and the Inquisition. Very exciting. What's yours about?" She realized all of a sudden that they were having a normal conversation and she wasn't humoring him.

"I haven't picked a theme yet."

"Are you kidding me? I hope you've got a light load for the rest of your classes."

He smiled sheepishly. "Not exactly."

"Uh, okay. Does anything interest you? From the class?"

"Shakespeare is probably the easiest of all. I mean, easiest to research, and she wants three citations for this, right?"

"At least!"

"So, I don't know, maybe something about Othello. I'll check out Wikipedia tonight."

Emily suppressed a shudder. "If that helps you get started."

"It would be really helpful if I could bounce ideas off of someone."

"You'd better hurry if you want Professor Hazlett."

"And I will...but I was hoping you could give me some tips first."

"Oh, brother." Emily sighed. "Alright, on two conditions."

"Name them."

"First, you really are going to do some research tonight and have at least one good idea."

"That can be done."

"And two, you make an appointment to speak to Hazlett by no later than Thursday."

"Consider it done."

"Alrighty then. We'll go to the library tomorrow after class, ready to work."

Drew stood straight and saluted. "Yes, ma'am!"

"That's right!" She walked out of the class, smiling, to her surprise.

# CHAPTER 13

Mitch had been looking forward to Tuesday for the last month. After the late-night sessions crafting the bill with Joe and the pledges he'd found to testify about what they'd endured during Rush Week, it was time to deliver his bill for a vote.

He'd worked on his speech for a week. "I'd be insulting everyone's intelligence if I didn't mention right now that I used to be a member of a fraternity, and I'd be lying if I said that didn't have any influence on this bill. We join organizations like this for the best of reasons, but sometimes we do the most horrible and perverse things in the name of brotherhood. I've seen firsthand what people can do if they feel like no one is watching. There's no reason for you to believe me, but I hope the speakers we had last week made you think. That is why I humbly ask you to vote in favor of this measure. This is the best tool we have to control people's abuses."

One of the committee members spontaneously burst into applause, and four others followed.

Of course the bill passed. Joe had lobbied hard for him. But even as Mitch was getting slapped on the shoulder, he couldn't enjoy it.

Zainab had been glaring at him all night. She shook her head when Joe asked him about his "busy" weekend with Kyra. He could have sworn she was extending the item about the new wing at the Bartolome Library just to take time away from his bill. When he got up to speak, she had a front and center seat. If he had looked at her, he would have forgotten what he was going to say.

The vote was the worst. Ten in favor, zero opposed, one abstention. Guess who abstained?

When Joe asked him about Ireland, Zainab heard. She looked at Mitch like he was something she was glad she hadn't stepped on. "Have a great trip," she said on her way out. "And don't rush back."

Why did Zainab have to... He didn't finish that thought. He knew why.

# CHAPTER 14

Emily spent the rest of the week studying and writing for her finals the next week. By the time Friday rolled around, she had finished her second paper, memorized her theorems and laws, and was ready to go. A little refresher during the week right before the tests, and she would be fine.

On Saturday, Emily reviewed the course descriptions for the classes she needed for the winter quarter. She was looking forward to them, and she felt like she could finally sit back and enjoy, coasting to the end.

As she read the descriptions on the computer, she realized she was holding her breath. She clicked on the links for the required reading. Oh God. Even the used book prices were going to kill her, almost four hundred and fifty dollars. New books were pushing six hundred. She had a pitifully small savings account, much less than the five thousand she'd started with two years ago. She hated having to dip into that for her books, again, when there were other things she was sure to need it for when she graduated. She looked at the little loveseat she slept on. It wasn't fair.

Her stepfather wasn't around on Sunday. He usually wasn't on the weekends. "Mom, I really need some help with my books this quarter," she blurted out after breakfast.

Her mother didn't look up from her crossword puzzle. "Sorry, I'm not going to be able to help out."

"It's over four hundred for books."

"Haven't you been saving some money?"

She always made it sound as if Emily had a source of income other than her savings. "I was hoping to use what's left of that when I graduate. You know, to get my own place? I'll be lucky if I have enough for first, last, and a deposit. I'll be lucky if I have any furniture."

"Well, that's what you're going to have to use, because I'm afraid I can't help you."

"I don't usually ask you for money."

"And that's good." Now her mother looked up. "Because I don't charge you for rent or food for that matter."

"Rent?" Emily couldn't help herself. "I sleep in your office. I cook, and I clean."

"Sometimes."

"When I'm not studying."

"And why are you taking so many classes?" Her mother sounded curious. "What's your rush? If you slowed down, you could get a job and earn more money."

She was in the alternate universe she had inhabited when she was a child. "Because you have made it clear you're looking for another job," Emily said.

"I haven't found anything yet," her mother replied.

"But you'd like to. The fact that I'm at the university doesn't bother you. If you leave before I finish, I'm pretty sure I couldn't earn enough to stay in school."

"Ever hear of a student loan?"

"Plenty of times. But no one is going to give me that much money without keeping me in debt for a long time afterward. It's too late for any of the university scholarships."

"Most people take out loans. You're very lucky that you don't have to worry about those. A little gratitude might go a long way right now."

"No," Emily said, struggling to control her voice. "I'm lucky that I've been able to get so many classes out of the way so quickly. I thought it was important to you that I get my degree."

"Since when is what I want important to you?"

"I'm not sure. But it was when I enrolled. And now it's important to finish something I started. So I need to power through if I'm going to finish before you might leave. And you're right. I'm not paying rent, and you do feed me. Thank you for letting me sleep on your couch. But you're also not paying tuition or taking any loans for me. So why are you giving me such a hard time about a few hundred dollars for these last two quarters?"

"I don't understand how you cannot appreciate everything I've sacrificed for you. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't even be in school."

"I won't be in school if you find another job."

"And you can't bring yourself to say anything to me unless you're asking for something else. Why don't you ask your father for the money?"

Her mother always asked about Emily's father when she wanted to hurt her. "As you know, I haven't spoken to my father in over two years. I don't think he'd be open to giving me five hundred dollars or so right now. In fact, he'd probably tell me to ask you, because he took care of me during high school."

"Oh, did he?" Ah, the icy rhetoric. "That's nothing compared to all of the sacrifices I made for you when you were younger. The long hours working two jobs, not knowing if we were going to have a roof over our heads at the end of the month. Does anyone ever say thank you for that?"

It wasn't worth pointing out that she hadn't known whether they would have a place to live or food to eat, and that she had had no control over it. "Did you give your husband a hard time every time he needed money for anything?"

Emily's mother smiled. "No, but he didn't have anyone else to help him."

Emily couldn't stop herself. "You've taken such good care of him, I'm going to nominate you for Mother of the Year."

"You know what? This isn't working out."

"What isn't working out?" Emily knew but she needed to hear her say it.

"Your attitude. I've had it. I've really had it. You can't be civil, much less grateful. You think you've been wronged? Well, maybe you have, maybe I wasn't the best mother I could have been. Oh well. You're not able to get past any of it, so we can't live like this anymore. You have to go."

"I have to go." She said that so the words could sink in. "Right now?"

"No, I'll let you stay until the end of the quarter, but then you have to go. You'll still be able to go to school on my dime, but you can't stay here anymore."

Emily felt herself leave her body. "Fine." Then she went back to her room and studied some more.

~~~

Mitch had spent that week dividing his time between studying for his finals, working on his law school application, and being with Kyra. The studying and the application were nerve-wracking, so he was grateful Kyra wasn't demanding of his time. She set the boundaries, and that was a relief. He was used to being the one who had to back someone away. That never went well, whether through his artless technique or initial bad judgment. He was good about not pushing anyone's boundaries, so this worked out perfectly. Although...he hadn't spent one night in her apartment, even if that meant leaving after midnight.

He had three papers and two tests. The professor of Mid-East poli sci really wanted to make sure they knew their stuff, so it was one exam and one paper. Although he had been a model student while at his frat and a very good one since then, he had spent quite a bit of time this quarter working on the SGC bill and application and getting ready for Ireland. Therefore, the week and weekend before finals saw a lot of time in the library and late nights once he was home.

He had walked into the library some nights, afraid he might see Emily. Of course he owed her an apology, but he couldn't deal with that now. He had so much work to do. As luck would have it, he didn't see her at all. When he needed a mental breather and he walked around and didn't see her, he realized that she must have been all set for her finals, probably weeks in advance, and hadn't she said something that night about the math department? So he was safe, and he could go back to his studying with a bit more ease. Then he would settle back into his chair, and he would realize that not only did that not ease his conscience, but it also didn't ease his desire to see her.

Between Kyra and studying and writing and worrying about his trip, the five hours of sleep he got were pretty fitful, and his dreams were strange. Many times, he would see Emily as she had been that night. He would touch her face, as he had that night. And he would kiss her. And she would kiss him back, and suddenly they would be at her special place by the river.

He closed his eyes sometimes, as if he could squeeze the memory out. It wasn't good to think about her when he was awake.

# CHAPTER 15

Emily handed her papers in to two of her professors on Monday as soon as she could find them. Professor Hazlett patted her arm. "It was a pleasure to have you in my class. I hope I see you again." By ten-thirty, she had finished the final that started at ten. She wasn't allowed to leave for another fifteen minutes, so she checked her work three times before she handed it in. The teacher was annoyed, and then more annoyed when he corrected it and wrote "100%" in front of her. She thanked him for the class too, then walked to the women's room in the Kay Center and cried.

This was not the way finals week was supposed to go. This week was supposed to be a triumphant reward for all of the hard work she had put into the quarter. Instead she was going to be homeless by the end of the week. She knew that her mother would relent with just the right amount of groveling, but she would not grovel. She would rather be homeless, destitute, and out of school than apologize for asking for help.

Her next two finals were on Wednesday and then her last on Thursday. Emily wiped her tears. That meant that she could devote all of Tuesday to searching for an apartment, and she could scope out leads today. She took a deep breath so that she wouldn't cry again. She didn't have enough money to last three months, much less six. She could get a job, but then she wouldn't be able to take five classes, and she wouldn't be able to graduate in the spring. She felt an even greater urgency than before, because she could barely trust that her mother wouldn't leave the university by then. This was her chance to be done.

It had occurred to Emily that Zainab would happily let her stay with her, but she couldn't bring herself to call her and tell her why she was going to be homeless. Normal people never understood.

She found a free computer in the library and started to scan the apartment listings. Those that were in her price range were available for about a month, and the rest were either too expensive, way out of Boston, or both. There was one that was cheap and close to school, but it required childcare, which was guaranteed to be impossible with her schedule.

She wandered around campus, trying to figure it out. She had taken out no loans since she had been there. Was there any money still available that she could take now? Who could she ask for money? How many more months did she need to pay for? Six? Could she do something during her breaks? Was there a job she could do on the weekends only? She could always waitress, except that she was a lousy waitress and hostess, having tried once with embarrassing results in high school. It made her miserable that her good grades, her only asset, were meaningless right now. And, by the way, how was she going to pay for the books that had been the issue in the first place when she wasn't even going to have enough to pay rent?

She was so distracted she almost walked straight into Drew. "Oh, God! I'm sorry, I didn't even see you."

"I've been called irrelevant, but no one has ever called me invisible."

"Um, yeah... I mean, I'm sorry. I'm just in my own little world right now. I'm lucky I didn't walk into a building instead of you."

"Thinking about running off with Richard's cousin last week?"

Thinking about her new friend made her chuckle. "No, just the usual. Speaking of which, did you hand in your paper?"

"Er, not yet."

"Wasn't it due today?"

"It was, but she agreed to give me an extension."

"She's pretty nice."

"And reasonable. I'm kind of in the midst of a housing drama right now."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"No, seriously. It turns out one of my roommates was stashing some 'stuff' in our dorm, and after the police flipped over everything, they decided I wasn't involved."

"What?" It was a relief to listen to someone else's drama.

"My fingerprints weren't on any of the baggies or paraphernalia, but everyone else's were. So, after getting something of an apology from the university and the police, I got my lawyer to throw in a new place. The catch is that I have to move right now, so my finals are screwed."

"That's a good lawyer. I thought student housing was at a premium here."

"Oh, it is." Drew nodded, his eyes widening a bit. "But there's always something they keep for their VIPs—graduate students, football jocks, you know—and now one of them is mine."

"Finally, the recognition you deserve. But...what about your roommates?"

"My ex-roommates are going to do a little singing for the feds before they come back, or so I heard."

"No witness protection program or anything like that?"

"The stuff wasn't that good. There was a lot of it, though."

"And how did you miss all this?"

"You're not the only smart one here."

She absorbed what he said for a moment. "How long did you know?"

"You could pretty much smell it on them as soon as you walked in, and then there were the visitors and the long 'conversations' in the bathroom."

"And of course you had nothing to do with their bust?"

"Would I turn on my roommates, who never once even offered me a puff?"

Emily was genuinely surprised. "Let me guess... You heard about some housing opening up, and you thought it might be a good time to talk to someone?"

"You know, it's funny, but the cops and the university said that they had no idea, absolutely none, how they came into this information." He shrugged. "It must have been an anonymous tip."

"Lucky you." Who was she to judge right now?

"I am feeling lucky today." He moved in a little closer. He had a strong body odor that almost made her stand back. "I think I'd like to share my good fortune with someone right now."

"Really? And who did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Can you think of anyone who might want to have lunch on my dime?"

"Lunch?" She shuddered a little. "No, I don't think I could eat anything right now. But maybe a drink would be nice."

"What did you have in mind? More chamomile tea?"

She was touched that he remembered. "Chamomile tea sounds like just what the doctor ordered."

"Let's go."

"Don't you have moving to do and finals to study for?"

"Eh, it can wait!" He grabbed her hand. "Come on. I feel like celebrating!"

They made it over to Princess Cappuccino and meandered into a conversation about his hometown in Ohio. He had two younger sisters, a mother and father, and two grandfathers. He was from old Swedish stock on both sides, although there were rumors of English interference in the 1850s. "Nothing was ever proven though," he said with a wink.

During the next two hours, Emily learned he had done extremely well in high school—"Top one percent of my class"—but that the financing for Harvard that his father had painstakingly worked out fell through at the eleventh hour because "some well-connected rich kid, who was in the fiftieth percentile, needed the cash award from the organization so that his dad's company could 'match' the scholarship funds. Not like he was going to spend any of his own money." Thus he ended up at their university, which hadn't even been a safety school for him, because everywhere else had filled up by the time he found out. Luckily, there had still been some scholarship money available, but not the Kay Scholarship money.

Emily reviewed what he said and compared it to what he had said before about his guidance counselor screwing up the application. Which was it? Her first instinct was to confront him, but something told her that he might not bear close scrutiny.

When Emily returned her attention to him, she heard him say something about his "druggie" period. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Did I say that out loud?"

"When was this?"

"My last year of high school. I guess the stress of applying to college got to me, so I started taking some pills."

"What kind of pills?"

"Anything I could get my hands on. I'd go to my friends' houses and pull a couple of whatever was in the medicine cabinet."

Yet more surprises. "That's pretty crazy, even for a high school senior."

"I wouldn't take them until I could look them up. If they were an upper and I wanted a downer, or vice versa, I'd save them until the time came handy. It's the spendthrift's answer to drug abuse."

"If the question needs answering. Did anything ever happen?"

"I threw up a couple of times, and I almost passed out once in class. But nothing serious."

"So why did you stop?"

"Honestly? I felt like an idiot. I kept finding myself in situations I didn't want to be in."

"Like what?"

"Like...being in the backseat of some football player's car with one of the cheerleaders, and not remembering how we got there or what her name was. Or driving around and not remembering where I was or why I was there." He shook his head. "It was scary. I guess you do it to lose control, but losing control isn't as much fun as it sounds."

"I never would have guessed. But I guess you never do, right? And it's totally foreign to me, because the most I ever did was drink a little..."

"Yeah, I had a little bit of an alcoholic period with the pills. Again, people's parents' stash of whatever. That was a little bit more fun, I guess..."

Emily wasn't offended. She didn't want to talk about herself today, but she did note how easily he made everything come back to him.

Drew looked at his watch ten minutes later. "Oops, got to meet Richard. He's helping me move into my new place."

"Oh." Emily hadn't pegged Richard as the best person for physical labor. "Tell him I said hi. And then I guess you should study?"

"Study schmudy. I've got a pretty good excuse, and more importantly, I've got walks out of most of my classes. That's what break is for!"

"Weren't you going to go home?"

He shrugged. "I'll probably pop on home for a few days for Christmas, but...it's a small house, and I honestly think they're happy not to have me there too much."

"Sorry. At least you'll have a cool new place to come back to."

"I do! And you know you should come see it sometime. What are you doing tomorrow?"

She took a deep breath. "Shopping."

"Shopping?"

"Of sorts."

"Well, maybe when you're done, you can pay me a visit?"

"I have to see where I am with my exams but maybe later this week." Why not?

Emily called Zainab once Drew left. "Do not lecture me about finals right now!"

"Bad friend that I am, that wasn't why I called. Are you around tomorrow morning?"

# CHAPTER 16

On Tuesday morning, Mitch handed in his last paper. He had a rough test ahead of him that afternoon and then another on Thursday, but then he was done. It was ten-thirty. He looked at his watch and decided he needed a good walk to clear his head. Fifteen minutes later, he realized that he was walking towards Kyra's. He grinned. His test wasn't for another three hours, and he had studied hard. He could take a little break.

Mitch climbed the stairs to her floor and knocked on her door. He heard her running to open it. "Hey, you!" she said as she opened the door. "Oh!"

He kissed her. "Were you expecting someone else?"

She pulled away. "Actually, yeah, my friend Sarah is coming over. We were going to do a little shopping before our next test."

"When is that? I've got a test at two which I should be done with at four, but then I'm—"

Kyra shook her head. "Today isn't a good day. I've got to cram for my final tomorrow."

Mitch leaned against the doorway. "But you've got enough time to go shopping?"

She threw up her hands. "I've had this planned for a while."

"Uh huh." Her shoes were off, and she wasn't dressed to go out. She was in silky pajamas, but her hair was still a little damp from a recent shower. "And when is she coming over?"

"In, like, ten minutes."

He decided to be brave even if it made him sick. "And you're in a big rush, right? The sooner I leave the better?"

Kyra closed her eyes. "Mitch..."

"Jesus Christ, how stupid do I look?" He stormed off and headed for the stairway. As he stalked down the stairs, he heard Kyra calling his name.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he saw a clean-cut blonde man in the lobby. "Of course."

The other man looked puzzled. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

Mitch started walking towards Newbury Street, but he had no idea where he was going.

Two minutes later, his phone rang. His first inclination was to smash it, but it occurred to him that it might be difficult to replace before he had to leave. He hit ignore and kept walking. It rang again. And again. After the fifth cycle, he picked up.

"What?"

"Let me explain."

"I think I got it. Sorry, that's not my scene, and I don't like looking like a fool."

"I don't think you're a fool." He could hear the tears in her voice. "You don't understand. I've been with Todd since I got here."

Mitch hadn't thought he could feel worse, but that did it. "And when were you going to mention that?"

"I...I don't know." She sniffled. "I thought everything was okay with him, but then I met you. I didn't think... I didn't plan any of this."

"Congratulations, but you still let it happen."

"God, do you think I am proud of any of this?" She was sobbing now. "Todd has been everything for me, but I've never felt the way I do about you. I didn't know what to do."

"You wanted to eat your cake and have it, too. And maybe you can, but not with me. Good-bye, Kyra." He hung up the phone and walked to the university, trying to shut off his brain. When he did hear himself thinking, it was, How could I have been so stupid? and I've been a fool.

He looked at his watch. Somehow, he had wandered around for so long that it was now one. How was he supposed to take this final now? His brain was screaming, but he made it back to the university and to the class he needed to get to by one-forty-five. Just get through the next two hours. He was calmed down and ready to go when his phone rang. He shut off the phone, but his head was pounding. When the professor passed out the test five minutes later, he was on another plane. By two-fifteen, he was ready to start, but it was slow going. At four, he was only halfway through the last question when the proctor ordered pens down. Feeling nauseous, he handed in his test and stalked off.

The tears started to flow as soon as he hit the cold air. All of the little pieces fit into place now. The passionate quickies, the air of naughtiness, the polite rush out the door... It all clicked. He scoffed at his earlier observations that he was lucky she wasn't clingy. How the hell was he going to get through this stupid trip now?

"Mitch?"

He turned around. It took him a moment to recognize Miranda from the Hillel.

She put her hand on his arm. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm such an idiot," he whispered.

"It didn't go so well with girl number two?"

He laughed and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. It turns out I was 'the other guy.' I guess that's what I get, huh?"

"I'm so sorry. But everything can be fixed. You have to believe that. Maybe this is a sign."

"Boy, you really are pretty religious, huh?"

"Whatever you want to call it. I think you needed an opportunity, now you have one. Do the right thing, even if it's hard." She looked at her watch. "I've got to go, but you can fix this."

He stumbled to a bench. He had been trying to not think it the whole time he walked to class and even while taking his final. What a fool he had been to let something good go so he could take something easy. He turned on his phone. He could fix it right now.

He looked at his phone. What was he going to say? What could he say that wouldn't make him sound like the idiot he was? Maybe he should wait a few days, when he didn't look so desperate. Then his brain started screaming again. He was going to leave next week. It was now or never.

He took a deep breath and prepared to dial. Then the phone rang. It was Kyra. He let it ring three times before he answered it. "What?" he said dully.

"Please tell me you can talk now." There was a catch in her voice, but she wasn't crying.

"You're done with your other toy already?"

"That isn't what I think of you."

"What do you think?" he hissed. "Was I going to be your distraction while you were in Ireland, and then we'd get back and you'd come up with some excuse to break it off? How long were you going to play me?"

"I don't— I wasn't trying to play you. God, Mitch, I fell in love with you. I am in love with you."

"Oh really? But not in love enough that you could tear yourself away from Todd, right? This is crap and you know it. You would have had us both hanging on a string if I hadn't surprised you today."

"I didn't know what to do." She was crying again. "I didn't want to hurt either of you, okay? I am in love with you, but Todd has been with me through so much. I didn't want to cut his heart out, but I just did. I broke it off with him." Silence. "Did you hear me? I broke it off with him. There is only you now."

Mitch took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling.

"Mitch! Please say something."

"You broke it off, or he broke it off?"

"I broke it off. I couldn't do this anymore. I...I want to be with you, okay? Just you."

It hurt his head to think. "Fine," he said. This time, he knew it was the easy choice.

He could hear her sigh. "Mitch, please come back."

"I just killed myself in one final and I've got another one tomorrow. This is too much right now."

"Please, let me make it better."

"If I come over now, I need to stay. I mean it, I'm pretty drained right now."

"Of course," she said breathlessly. "Just come back."

"Fine. I'll be over in a little while." He hung up and looked at his phone for a very long time. This was easy only because something else was harder.

~~~

Ten minutes after Mitch had stomped past Gainsborough Street on his way to his final, Emily walked into Princess Cappuccino to meet Zainab. "So," Emily said, putting down her bag, "how are finals going? Should I be sorry I let you slip from my clutches?" She would much rather have been riding Zainab this week than apartment hunting.

"Ugh! I'll pass, but with humiliation. Do they give that out?"

Emily sank into her chair. "You have no idea."

"Oh my God, are you trying to tell me that there was a class you didn't ace?"

"Believe it or not, there are worse forms of humiliation." Zainab raised her eyebrows, but Emily waved it off. "Some other time, I promise." It was so hard for her not to break down and cry. "That wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about."

"All ears."

"I think Drew likes me."

"Was that not obvious?"

"Yeah, okay, but...I don't know how I feel about it."

"Meaning you're not as disgusted by the idea as you were before?"

"I think 'disgusted' is a strong word, but let's say I don't find it as amusing as I did before."

"What made you change your mind?"

"I... I don't know. I guess I've been talking to him more and he seems less dorky."

"And not being dorky has always been a great reason to date someone." Zainab put her hand on her chin. "Since when have you had such low standards?"

"Since I got a taste of what not being lonely looked like, I guess."

Zainab reached her hand out to Emily. "Do you want my permission? Are you asking me to tell you something else? Because..." She took a deep breath. "Mitch is gone, or just about. He's going to Ireland."

"To live?" Then she would never, ever have to worry about seeing him again.

"I don't think so. I think it's just one of the exchange programs. He's gone for three months."

"Congratulations. But what does that have to do with me?"

"I don't think he's alone." Zainab wasn't looking at Emily. "I think he's seeing someone."

Emily set her jaw when Zainab looked back at her. "Once again, congratulations."

"All I'm trying to say is... If you're waiting on something, if you think something is going to change, don't. Just do whatever you have to do."

It had made Emily blush last week to think about how he had made her feel and the things she'd told him. But not now. "He's irrelevant."

Zainab waited a moment. "I think he is, too. Or if he isn't, he should be."

Emily was going to forget all about him. "Glad we're on the same page...about him. But my Drew issue is still unresolved."

"What are you trying to do? Write up some script that the two of you have to follow? Why don't you just see what happens?"

"I don't need a script, just a map. I have to decide how far I want this to go."

"Don't you need to know how you feel about him first?"

"I guess," Emily mumbled. "I guess I don't know what I feel."

"He is pretty cute," Zainab offered.

"He is," Emily conceded. "Tall, blond, blue-eyed. He's the great trifecta, right? But I think he's a little too tall."

"How tall are you?"

"Five foot five."

"How tall is he?"

"I don't know. He's definitely cleared six feet. I think we might be closer to six foot three there."

"Yeah, that's a little bit much."

"You might have better luck. You're what, five foot seven?"

"Yeah, but the chemistry isn't there."

Emily looked from side to side. "You think there's chemistry between me and him?"

"Yes! He was totally into you, and you know you were kind of into that."

"It's nice to have someone like you, but shouldn't you like them just as much?"

"Is that what's getting to you? That he likes you more than you like him?"

"Maybe. It just doesn't seem fair."

Zainab laughed out loud. "Are you sure you've dated before? I don't know anyone else who agonizes over 'fair' before a first date."

"I know what it's like to be the one getting the emotional shaft. I don't want to be the one giving it."

"What brings this up all of a sudden?"

"I think he's going to ask me to do something with him this week, and I'm not sure what I should say. I don't want to lead him on."

"You know, pizza and soda don't always lead to a marriage proposal."

"No, but... I don't want there to be any misunderstandings."

"So tell him that upfront."

"That pizza equals pizza, nothing more?"

"And that beverages don't get any extra privileges."

"Why do you think I always try to buy my own tea?" They both laughed, then talked about Zainab's finals for a few more minutes. Emily looked at her watch and sighed. "I've got to go."

"Where?"

"I need to do a little shopping."

"It's about time! But I don't think the thrift stores are closing that soon."

"Don't mock my thrift shops." Especially now. "And on a completely unrelated topic, are you coming to Jessie's Christmas party? She's already texted me five times about it today."

"I can't. Mummy and Daddy are demanding my presence for Christmas. I'm leaving on Sunday after I have a chance to drown my finals sorrows."

"Then please text her back. I'm not your social secretary."

"Fine, fine, fine. But you'd better give me frequent updates. I want to know how things go with Drew."

"I promise. All of the gory details as they develop, and right before I ask you about your finals."

Zainab threw her head back and pretended to cry. "Okay! Bye!"

Emily sighed once she was back in the cold, off to see another room she knew she wouldn't be able to afford.

# CHAPTER 17

Mitch walked back to Kyra's apartment. He tried to watch himself without judgment. Hadn't he read that once in some book on yoga he had picked up in a bookstore? Yoga. Didn't she say... Stop thinking about yoga, he snapped to himself.

That was his thought when he got to Kyra. "Please, don't just stand there," she said, pulling him in with both hands. He let himself be pulled in. "Please let me make it up to you." She kissed him, and before he knew it, she was unbuttoning his shirt, pulling him to bed, taking off his boots, pulling down his pants and begging him to kiss her back. And he did.

Hours later, Kyra turned off the light. "I'm so glad you're here tonight," she said, wrapping her arms around him. "I've wanted to wake up next to you for so long." He was quiet, stroking her hair and looking up at the ceiling. "Do you think we'll get to be this way in Ireland?"

"That's the whole point, isn't it?" He wasn't thinking.

"Do you think that's all I want you for?"

"Have we done anything else?" Mitch asked.

"Is that all you want me for?"

"I don't think so, but you don't seem to have any interest in anything else. We never go out, or see other people. Is there anything else we have in common?" Mitch said.

"Mitch... I'm sorry. But you know, we'll be able to 'mingle' more when we're abroad. I'm hoping we're in a lot of the same classes together." She stroked his chest. "Yeah, you can help me with my homework."

He was tired. "Okay, but you're going to have to do the tutoring on Irish literature, if you don't mind."

"My pleasure." She kissed him and caressed his face. "Are we going to be okay now?"

He nodded sleepily. "Yeah, we'll be okay now. Come on, I've got another final coming up that I don't want to blow. Let's get some sleep." She snuggled into his arms and fell asleep.

Wasn't there something I was supposed to do? he wondered before he drifted off.

~~~

Indeed, Emily hadn't been able to afford any of the rooms she saw. She returned to the library to get some review time in before the last bus home.

She was sitting on the bus when her phone rang. "Emily? Hi, it's Drew. Sorry. Is it too late to call?"

"Not yet. What's up?"

"I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow? You know, aside from taking finals." He laughed at himself again.

"Let's see... I have one at ten, and then another at one. What about you?"

"I should be free after one."

"Yeah, well, I'm going to be going at it until two-thirty at least."

"Two in one day is pretty rough, man."

She smiled at the familiarity. "I'd be happy to take my last one tomorrow if I could, but I have to wait until Thursday for the pleasure."

"Well, maybe you can let me get you dinner in between finals. I mean, the finals on Wednesday and Thursday."

No finessing out of that. That was date-worthy. "What did you have in mind?"

"How does Legal Seafood sound?"

Too expensive. "No, that's not going to work. I'm a vegetarian," she said quickly.

"Oh...so what do you usually get?"

"Good old home cooking." She yawned. "But I have been known to eat Indian."

"Hmm... I'm not too crazy about Indian. The spiciness doesn't agree with me."

"Sushi?"

"You eat fish?"

"No, but I've always been able to get vegetable sushi." Plus it could usually be had pretty cheaply.

"Great! Where do you usually go?"

"How about Kaya? It's on Boylston Street."

"I think I know where that is. What time?"

"How about six-thirty?"

"Sounds like a plan! See you then."

"Sounds good." She hung up, feeling her breath seize up in her chest. Was that a big mistake?

# CHAPTER 18

Emily wrote the Great American Novel for her ten o'clock final, or so she thought. She finished in time, but just barely. She didn't like that feeling of just making it, but took some consolation that others were still working after the "pens down" command. The professor, for his part, was feeling generous and gave the stragglers an extra fifteen minutes.

She warmed herself in the math lounge for forty minutes and then walked to her one o'clock final. That one was significantly easier. She wasn't done at two, but she did hand in the exam by two-thirty with ease. She thanked the professor before walking to the library to study for her last final.

She'd studied hard, but there were a few things she still needed to get under her belt. She ground down, murmured out loud, and began repeating to herself what she needed to know. Before long, she had it. She looked at the clock. It was five. She was done. She was ready.

She flipped her pen over and over again. Yep, this was great. She was going to ace this quarter. Great. She deserved to enjoy herself tonight with Drew and eat all of the sushi she could stuff into her mouth. Right?

Nope. This wasn't real. She still didn't have a place to stay at the end of the week, which was the day after tomorrow. She hadn't said much more than "excuse me" to her mother since their argument, but she could tell that she was waiting for her to apologize...for wanting books. She had already reserved her books to the tune of four hundred and seventy-nine dollars, which was just great because now she had even less money to give someone for rent. And, oh yeah, let's not forget utilities. The thought of sushi became that much less appetizing.

She took the circuitous route to Boylston Street, walking through Gainsborough and Hemenway before winding back through the reflecting pool. She kept turning it over in her mind. She was not going to apologize to her mother when there were books, a love seat, and high school on her side. It was going to be impossible to find a job that would let her finish in two quarters. She needed to finish in two quarters because she couldn't be sure her mother was going to stay any longer than that. She wasn't going to take out loans because she didn't want them hanging over her head after she graduated. She'd had something hanging over head since before she could remember. She couldn't tell Zainab...

She stopped. She couldn't tell her best friend who would probably love her company because she was too damn proud to let her see how messed up her life was. No one understood a messed-up life if they didn't have one themselves. Right?

She started walking again. It was time to grow up at least that much. Zainab would understand, and help. Zainab would probably be upset that Emily hadn't already told her.

Emily felt a tear roll down her cheek. It was going to be okay. She was going to have dinner with Drew and enjoy it. Then she was going to go home and go to sleep. She was going to take her final the next day, have coffee with Zainab, tell her everything, and then probably go home with her that night. It was going to be okay.

# CHAPTER 19

Emily got to Kaya at 6:20. Chronically early. She expected to wait in the lounge for fifteen minutes, but she was surprised to find Drew sitting at the bar. "There you are!"

"How long have you been waiting?"

"I think about ten minutes."

"Didn't we say six-thirty?"

"We did, but, you know." He grinned.

They were seated at their table. Drew picked up his menu. "So...why did you suggest this place?"

She shrugged. "My dad took me here once when I was little. He said it was one of the few places he felt like he could get real Korean food, even if the name is Japanese."

Drew sipped his tea. "And why was authentic Korean food important?"

"He was Korean. I mean, he is Korean. Everyone can do bulgogi, he said, but this was one of the few places that could get the chap chae just right."

"Bulgogi would be..."

"The Korean-American national dish. Thin strips of beef, garlic, scallions, ginger, sesame, soy, sugar, lions, tigers, bears—oh my! Pretty much everyone likes it."

"Except you."

"Oh, no. I was a bulgogi champ. It was one of the few ways I didn't disappoint my father. Of course, when the kimchi came out, it would be 'how can you be Korean?', but he got that out of his system at the beginning of the meal."

"What's kimchi and what's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, now that I'm not eight anymore. It's spicy pickled cabbage, and it may very well be the Korean national dish, but it was too much when I was little."

"Hmm."

The waitress brought out the green tea and took their order. Emily ordered the vegetable sushi and miso soup, and Drew ordered the bulgogi and sushi.

"Yummy green tea, the latest superfood."

Drew frowned. "Superfood?"

Emily laughed. "You know, all that BS about food that has more nutrients than almost anything else. Blueberries, pomegranate, chocolate, soy, greens, yogurt. And then people OD on them, and they're surprised when they not only haven't cured themselves of...whatever, but they've also given themselves something else." She drank more tea. "But it's not all bad."

"You're really into your health, aren't you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"No caffeine—"

"I'm clearly breaking that now."

"With green tea? Case in point. The superfoods. The vegetarianism. Let me guess, you like yoga too?"

"Yeah?" She wasn't going to mention that she also loved Pilates.

"And have you cured yourself of whatever ails you?"

"Nothing was wrong with me. But, yes, I'm just fine now too."

"So why do you do it?"

"Do what, exactly?"

"You know, the whole healthy-girl thing. Are you trying to stay thin?"

"Excuse me?"

"There's a big problem with eating disorders on college campuses," Drew said solemnly.

The food came. Drew started eating, but Emily didn't move. "What's wrong?" Drew said after a moment.

Emily pushed her plate away. "I've lost my appetite. It's either because I'm trying to control my weight, make myself the center of attention, or you're a big jerk."

Drew kept chewing as if she'd just said she liked the color of the walls. "Why do you say that?"

"Are you kidding me? You're telling me that I have some kind of psychological problem because I'm a vegetarian and I care about my health? Or that I'm a cliché?"

"I've obviously struck a nerve."

"Yes, you have. Most people don't like insulting, manipulative jerks, at least not on the first date."

"Jerk? Do you have anything more original?"

"No, but that's your fault, because you're the cliché here. You're the one who must have been stuffed in his locker all through middle school and high school, and you probably never learned how to say hello without having to pretend you were better than everyone else. I hate to break this to you, but you're not better than anyone. In fact, I bet you're not even that good, and I don't care what colleges you got into but couldn't afford." Emily stood up and put on her coat.

Drew put his fork down. "Where are you going?"

"Home to my rice cakes, vegetable broth, and carrot salad before I throw it all up. Tonight, it's not going to be a problem because I will just make myself sick thinking how stupid I was to go anywhere with you."

Drew turned pink. "Can we start over? I—"

"Yeah...no!"

Before he could get up, she walked to the front door and into the cold air.

She walked to Arlington Station. She was mad and annoyed, but she felt alive. She'd been itching for a good fight, and she was almost grateful to Drew for giving her one. Not, however, grateful enough to answer his call.

She stormed past her mother and stepfather and slammed her door. She fell asleep with a smile on her face. This time, she didn't see stars, but those things were overrated anyway.

# CHAPTER 20

Emily's final was at ten the next morning. She was out of the house by seven. Once she got to school, she called Zainab, asking if she could meet her for tea again. "Sure. How's it going with Drew?"

"Ugh! Why do we deviate from our first impressions? I foolishly went to dinner with him last night, and it ended early."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a vegetarian who likes yoga. And I'm thin."

"Okay, random! What time is your final over?"

"Done by twelve. What about you?"

"I think I'm out by two-thirty. So how does three sound?"

"Same bat time, same bat channel?"

"You need to watch less old television. I'll see you at our usual hangout. Good luck!"

"You too!" Emily hung up then went to the library for forty-five minutes before she walked to her final.

It was a little bit more involved, but she was out by eleven-thirty. She thanked the professor, left the building, and threw up her arms. "I'm done!" she shouted. Several people gave her a thumbs up or smiled, and some sneered. Most walked by unfazed.

She had another three hours until she needed to meet with Zainab. She laughed to herself for no good reason and started walking down Huntington Ave. She was going to window shop at Copley and the Pru. She was going to sit in bookstores and read idiot self-help and exercise books. She was going to do whatever she wanted for the next three hours because she could.

"Emily!"

She froze, then turned around. "Drew?"

He ran up to her. "I have been calling and calling you!"

"Uh huh? I guess I didn't get those because I put you on my block list."

"Is that what you do to everyone you have a misunderstanding with?"

"No, just people I don't like." She walked away and rolled her eyes as he came up next to her again.

"And then you storm off?"

"I try."

"That's not very mature, is it?"

She stopped and crossed her arms. "Guy, in less than twenty-four hours, you have not only implied that I'm kind of crazy, but now I'm immature. First of all, your technique is way, way off. Second of all, since it's not working, why don't you take a hint and leave, because you're starting to be weird and stalky, and that's not a good look."

"Maybe I can work on my technique." He laughed at himself, but now it seemed appropriate. "I'm sorry I said anything about food of any sort. I was being a total jerk, I was being a total asshole, and I don't think that about you. I swear I'll never bring up food again." He looked at her, but she didn't say anything. "And I'm sorry I insulted you or made you think I thought you were crazy or a cliché, because I don't." Deep breath. "I really like you, but I'm really lousy at these things, and by 'things,' I mean interpersonal relations of any kind. You were not entirely wrong about the locker thing. I have no idea why anyone as pretty or smart or cool as you would want to have anything to do with me, and when you agreed to have dinner with me last night I was like, 'whoa, maybe she isn't just being nice to me,' and I guess I freaked out a little bit and let my old charming self come out. By the way, this would be a great time to tell me that you weren't just being nice, because otherwise, I'm just being a bigger idiot apologizing like this."

"Not yet. I don't think you're done."

He sighed. "I had a girlfriend up until last year, as shocking as that may sound to you. It was serious, or sort of. We pretty much lived together, but I couldn't stand her. I was with her for about two years, pretty much from the moment I came here, and I just felt myself...pulled in. I couldn't say no without being a jerk. And then finally I was a jerk, a complete, total asshole, and I ended it, which was awful, because as I said, we were pretty much living together. So I thought I'd keep my head down low until I got out of here, but then I couldn't keep my eyes off of you. And when I was with you the first few times, I thought maybe you were humoring me, just like I was humoring her, and I didn't know if I should be grateful or insulted, and then you seemed like you weren't. And I was thinking, 'okay, great, maybe I can get somewhere here,' and then I was thinking, 'wait, do I want to get involved again?' and that's basically the conflicted fool you met last night. And are you going to say something now?"

Emily was at a loss for words for a moment. She finally looked him square in the eyes. "What was her name?"

"What?"

"What was her name? How do I know you're not just making this up?"

"Are you always this suspicious?"

"Not always, but I've come to regret that."

"Sophie Gorman. And we lived right there." He turned around and pointed to Mass. Ave. "173 Mass Ave, apartment two, right above the dance shop."

"Really?" She made a face. "I didn't think they had an apartment up there."

"Trust me, they do. Truly beautiful, huge, and costs a fortune. None of which I paid, by the way."

"Congratulations."

"Do you still doubt me? Go over there right now and look at the buzzer for apartment two. Scout's honor, it says S. Gorman."

"Fine."

The two silently crossed over to the reflecting pool and then crossed to Mass. Ave. She was about to take a right when he put a hand on her shoulder. "This is where we part. I'm going to go sit in the bagel shop now. If you're satisfied with what you see, please join me. If you still think I'm making this up, then just walk on by, and I promise not to follow you or even call." Before Emily could say anything, Drew walked toward the bagel shop.

Emily shook her head as if shaking off a chill. She had half a mind to simply walk away and circle until she needed to meet Zainab, but that wouldn't be fair. She walked up the block until she got to the dance store.

Lo and behold, S. Gorman lived in apartment two. Okay, he wasn't lying. But what did that prove?

Because Emily didn't have a good reason not to, she walked into the bagel shop, where Drew had a bagel and cream cheese laid out for her. She realized she was starving. "S. Gorman lives at 173 Mass. Ave." she said before she bit into the bagel.

"So you believe me about that?"

"I believe you about that." She sat back in her chair. She was starving and drained. She would have believed him about anything.

"Okay," Drew said softly. "Now it's my turn. Were you just being nice, or do I have a chance with you?"

She smiled, suddenly very tired. Her last final had taken the last bit of her adrenaline. She wasn't upset enough with Drew for it to come back. "The bagel was a nice touch."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I don't know... You seem to genuinely like me, you continued to like me after you went out with me and I was mean to you..." She leaned her head back. "Tell me again why you would want a chance with me?"

She closed her eyes for a second.

"Emily?"

She opened them again.

"What's wrong?"

"You were almost sleeping...and your phone is ringing."

Emily blinked and realized that her phone was indeed ringing. Zainab. "Hey."

"Hey yourself. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little sleepy. What's up?"

"Can I meet you a little bit later than three? Say, four-thirty? Joe needs a little help with a bill they're trying to rush through this week."

"Bill? Joe?" Emily shook her head, and she realized she was cold.

She heard Zainab sigh. "It's kind of a long story. Can you do four-thirty? They don't urgently need me, but..."

Emily looked at her watch. Jesus, how did it get to be one? "Yeah, yeah, four-thirty is fine. It'll give me a chance to wake up. See you then." She hung up and looked at Drew. "So I guess I'm free for a little bit more. Did you want to say something else?"

Drew looked at her as if she were speaking an alien language. "It can wait. Where do you have to be at four-thirty?"

"The Kingdom of Coffee... I mean... you know what I mean."

Drew nodded and smiled. "Yes, yes, I do. What are you going to do until then?"

"I think I'm going to the math lounge, if no one else is sleeping on the couch."

"When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

"September?"

"Come on." Before she could say anything, Drew put on his coat, gathered their bags and garbage, and pulled her up. He put her coat on her, buttoned her up, and led her out the door.

She groaned as she walked. Maybe it hadn't been September, but probably mid-October or whenever it was that she'd started worrying about this week. "Where are we going?"

"I bet my couch is much less crowded than the one at the math lounge."

"Aren't we taking things for granted?"

"I promise, I will be a perfect gentleman. I'd have to be, because necrophilia is not my thing."

Carrying both of their bags and holding her up by the waist, Drew lead Emily down Westland Avenue and then onto Hemenway. Less than a block later, he opened his front door and walked her up a flight of stairs.

Drew unlocked a door, and Emily sighed as she saw the nice, big, empty couch. "Were you joking about sleep?" she said as she slumped onto it.

Drew put down the bags and went through another doorway as the front door closed. Emily slid onto one of the pillows and had just closed her eyes, or so she thought, when she felt something drop on her. Through half-opened eyes, she saw and felt a sheet and blanket. "Oh, that's nice," she murmured, then pulled the pile to her chest.

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty." Drew pulled her shoes off, then unfolded the blanket and laid it on top of her.

"Why does everyone call me that?"

"I'm not the first guy you've fallen asleep on?"

"No," she murmured. "But this is much earlier... I'll tell you some other time...after you tell me...about the apartment..."

"Sounds like a plan." A few moments later, she heard the heavy front door close as she drifted off to sleep.

Everything was going to be okay.

# CHAPTER 21

Mitch took his last final at two. He did the best work of his academic career. He knew he aced it. He only wished that somehow his effort on that final could make up for the one he'd screwed up earlier in the week. He had calculated that he had now gone from an A- in that class to a B. Fine. Or it wasn't fine, but it would do.

At three-thirty, he handed in his blue book and left the building. He looked back with some longing as he passed all of the other buildings he wasn't going to see for three months. He walked to his car, or so he told himself, but he realized a few minutes later that he was walking in the opposite direction. He was walking toward the café. He couldn't help himself. That was his excuse these days.

He walked in, forcing himself to appear casual. He saw a couple of people he knew and sat to talk to them for a few minutes, but he kept looking at the door. He looked at his watch. It was four. Finally, he went to the counter and ordered some coffee to go because there weren't any seats. He went to the condiments counter and spent a long time putting in his sugar, which he almost never used, and milk. At four-fifteen, he had to admit that whatever he had been waiting for wasn't walking in today and it was time to go.

He sat in his car for a minute, letting the engine warm up. Then he punched his glove compartment so hard his knuckles bled. Cursing, he found a napkin to bandage them, then drove off.

# CHAPTER 22

Emily saw Mitch as he was the night they stayed out. First, he was standing on the edge of the reflecting pool, pretending to fall in, and then she pushed him in and walked away. Then they were sitting on the bench near the tiny pond by the Charles where they had fallen asleep. She kissed him this time. She wondered why it wasn't cold now. "I don't want to wake up," she said as Mitch kissed her forehead. "You have to, sweetheart. But I'll be back." Then she realized her phone was ringing, and she jumped up.

It was dark. She scrambled for her phone, finally finding it in the pocket of her coat. "Hello?"

"Um, hi?" Zainab laughed. "Did I wake you up?"

"Wake me up? Yeah... Oh no! What time is it?"

"I've got...five-thirty."

"Ugh! Have you been waiting for me this whole time?"

"Yeah, but the celebratory almost-end-of-finals crowd rolled in half an hour ago, so I've been staying busy. Where are you?"

"That is an excellent question."

"What?"

"I think I'm on Hemenway Street."

"You think?"

"I'm at Drew's place. I got sleepy at the bagel shop, so he put me to sleep on his couch."

"I bet!"

"Trust me, nothing happened."

"What were you doing at the bagel shop?"

"I believe we have discussed my love for bagels and cream cheese before. Remember, the great garlic versus onion debate?"

"Very funny. What were you doing with Drew? I thought you threw red paint on him or something."

"He saved me from window shopping with a surprisingly impressive apology and a little bit about his last girlfriend."

"Drew had a girlfriend?"

"Zainab!" Emily laughed, even though that had been her reaction as well. "You said you thought he was cute."

"Yeah, but you agreed that he was... Is awkward a good word?"

"True. But I don't know what I think about anything because the next thing I know, weeks of sleeplessness, anxiety, and possibly malnutrition caught up with me, I was snoring, you needed to blow me off for Joe—"

"That is so unfair!"

"—and then I was half-carried here. Now here I am, sitting in the dark, talking to you." She sighed. "So tonight, sounds like a bust. Are you going to be around tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but you know I'll be happy to spot you for some coffee if you come on over. That is, if you can figure out where you are."

Emily shuddered. "No, not coffee...but maybe I could use some water... I'm sorry, I'm going to try and wake up, but tomorrow, I should be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. What are you looking at tomorrow?"

"I think I'm free until four. Want to call me tomorrow?"

"Perfect. Talk to you then." Emily hung up and collapsed back on the couch. She was sitting in the dark. Usually she was spooked in dark, unfamiliar places, but there was enough light coming in from the street to keep her from panicking.

She finally got up and got herself some water. Mmm, just what the doctor ordered. She took a few deep breaths and began to feel a little bit more alert.

Did he say he lived by himself? Because this apartment seemed large as college apartments went. The living room had high ceilings and seemed spacious despite the chair, couch, television, table, and rug. Emily compared it to Zainab's living room, which was easily half the size. Drew's kitchen also had deep ceilings, but it wasn't as big as the living room. However, it had a large refrigerator and stove. From the smell of things, it even seemed as if Drew cooked there.

She had started to make her way to the couch when the door latch unlocked. She jumped then sighed with relief when Drew came through. He laughed. "Who were you expecting?"

"You never know, especially in strange apartments."

"I see you figured out where the kitchen was though."

She raised her glass as if to toast. "Putting my education to good use."

"Even this one?"

"Don't start that," she said, yawning. "But thank you for letting me crash on your couch. Fortunately, I figured out that my problem was probably more one of hydration than hunger or even exhaustion, though I think I might take a few more minutes to catch my breath."

"Don't rush on my account. I was actually hoping you could stay for dinner."

"You don't have to feed me," she said uncomfortably.

"I think it's the least I can do after last night. And I tried to make up for it this afternoon, but you only had one bite before you fell over, so please?" The last part he said pleadingly.

"Okay," Emily said, settling back into her seat. "But I'm a vegetarian—"

"I don't think I'm going to forget that. So I bought..." He reached into his grocery bag and started pulling out food. "Salad. Dressing. Veggie burgers. Buns. And in case you didn't want a veggie burger, fresh ravioli. Tomato sauce. And in case you didn't want tomato sauce, Alfredo sauce. And in case you're feeling naughty—" He smiled and pulled out the last item with exaggerated flourish. "—ice cream!"

"Wow. Is anyone on the solar car team vegetarian? I don't think I'll be able to eat all of that."

"Hmm. I don't think I've even seen those guys eat. But Richard has his healthy moments, so I'll be sure to invite him over. And there is no law that says that you have to be a vegetarian to eat a veggie burger, right?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"So don't worry, no landfills will be overflowing because of you."

"Good to hear. Well, is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes, actually. Are we having burgers or pasta?"

"Hmm...pasta."

"Alfredo or tomato?"

"Oh, that's hard, but I think I'll go with Alfredo. Maybe not too much of it, though."

"I will put on such a small amount of sauce, you won't even taste it."

"Finally, someone who understands me," she said with a smile.

After twenty minutes, everything was ready, but Emily wasn't hungry. She forced herself to eat half a plate of food.

Drew looked at her reproachfully. "Too much sauce?"

"No, no..." Emily pushed her plate away. "I just don't have an appetite. Give me a couple of days, and maybe I can work my way up to one again."

Drew tilted his head. "This has been a rough couple of months, huh?"

Emily sighed. "The last few months I have handled with much bitching and whining, but the last two weeks... That's been rough."

"Finals hit you that hard?"

"Finals, idiocy with my mother..." Emily sipped her water. She sighed. "Tell me about what happened with you and S. Gorman."

"Sophie," he said emphatically, perhaps afraid she might think 'S' stood for Simon or Sylvester.

"Tell me about Sophie Gorman."

He sighed. "Her parents are very well off. She could have gone anywhere she wanted, but this is the best school she got into. And there was something about wanting to be in the city. We were both put into the same dorm as freshmen and, I don't know, I guess she thought I was cute or something. I tried to be nice and play it off that we could be friendly, but she was really forward. She'd sit right next to me in the cafeteria, force herself into conversations with me. And I couldn't say 'no' nicely, so I didn't say anything. One thing led to another, and then the next thing I knew, I was living with her for sophomore and middler year."

"Was she pretty?" Emily asked, and wasn't sure why.

Drew shook his head, almost trembling. "No, not at all. She was really short, like five foot one. She was a little mouse, a very bossy, pushy little mouse. You're..." He smiled. "You're pretty sophisticated and worldly by comparison." He stopped and looked at her as if she were going to respond to that.

"Okay, anyway. It took you two years to break it off with someone you couldn't stand?"

"It wasn't... It wasn't that I couldn't stand her. It was just that she didn't do anything for me, other than maybe provide some companionship. But that could be pretty annoying as well. Trust me, she wasn't the type to tease out Othello and Iago's motivations. Honestly, I don't know what we did manage to talk about, maybe because I tuned her out most of the time."

"That must have sucked, for her. Why did she want to stay with someone who wasn't listening to her?"

"I've asked myself that a bunch of times. I think the answer, and the reason why she clung onto me so quickly, is that she was scared of being without her family for the first time." He looked at the wall for a moment. "Maybe that's why I stayed with her. But sometimes just having someone next to you isn't enough. You need to feel like you're getting some kind of spiritual connection, or whatever. You know what I mean?"

"I don't know, is this a religious thing?"

"No, that's not what I mean, although Sophie was Jewish, so that was a problem."

"I guess I should tell you that my grandfather was Jewish—"

"Not because I have anything against anyone being Jewish, but children would have been a problem."

Emily was tired and confused. "Was marriage an issue? Even if you...didn't want to be with her?"

Drew looked confused too. "It doesn't make sense. But when you're with someone for that long, for so many hours in the day, that's what you start thinking about, isn't it?"

"I don't know. I think I'd start plotting my escape."

He sighed. "And there was some of that as well. Like I said, it doesn't make any sense."

"So what finally gave you the push out the door?"

"Something stupid, I'm sure. The toothpaste cap? The sink hose pulled out too far? I think it was all of it, all at once. I don't remember who started bitching about whom first, but then we were screaming at each other, and it was about everything. And then I walked out, and I didn't come back until I knew she wasn't going to be there, and I got my stuff and I didn't go back."

"Have you seen her since then?"

"On the street, on campus, once at Whole Foods. She used to look like she wanted to say something to me, but I was too chicken to hear her out. And then the last few times, she hasn't bothered to make eye contact with me. It's weird. Even though we both kind of despised each other, especially towards the end, she was also sort of my best friend. And now she's not." He shrugged. "And now that you've gotten my complete romantic history for the college years—and yes, that is the complete history—don't you think you owe me a peek into the enigma of Emily?"

Emily laughed. No one had ever called her enigmatic. "I don't know. We haven't covered high school yet."

"I promise, you tell me about college and I'll tell you about high school."

"Um...okay, but college won't take long. There was this one guy last year. He was gorgeous, this totally built, green-eyed, suntanned Greek god—"

"He was Greek?"

"Um, no, I don't think so. Actually, I think he was Swiss or something."

"Sorry, go on."

"Anyway, I saw him at the beginning of last spring quarter and I kept looking out for him, and then I figured out what he did. He was in SGC. I figured out the best way to get to see him was to get into the SGC. And that took me all of two days. And then I got there and I made sure I got onto his committee. He was a VP, of course. And then I was so disappointed."

"Why, did he have a girlfriend?"

"No. I mean, he might have, I don't know. Things didn't get that far. It was just..." She laughed again. "He talked. He spoke, and he was so underwhelming. He was totally beautiful—I mean, I have yet to see another human being as gorgeous as this guy—but he could not put two words together and make any sense of them. Or so I thought. Everyone else... I don't know. I think they thought he was hot too, and that must have made everything he said sound that much better. Even for the very straight men. So I didn't last two meetings there. But at least I met Zainab."

Drew peered in a little closer. "That's it? That's your romantic history since you've been here?"

"Yeah." Emily shrugged. Mitch wasn't worth talking about. "But you still owe me high school."

"Oh, no! You aren't done yet, young lady. What about high school?"

"High school was a humiliating experience I don't usually talk about."

"High school always sucks. Come on. You think I liked talking about Sophie?"

Emily took a sip of water and closed her eyes. "I got off to a very bad start in high school. In grade school, I was the one with braces, and that stuck with me for freshman year. I didn't have too many friends, forget boyfriends. That was probably more my fault than anyone else's. And home...was hell. My father was already gone, thank God, but my mother couldn't let well enough alone and replaced him with someone even worse.

"When the braces came off at the end of freshman year, I was ready to go home with the first person who made a pass at me. I didn't exactly do that, but I did pretty soon after. The first guy... He was like my father and stepfather rolled into one. He humiliated me with other people, by himself, you name it. He finally ended it, which was ironic, because I'd wanted to leave so many times before and he begged me to stay.

"For junior year, I ended up with my dad and his new wife because my mother was so into her husband. That was fun, although my dad didn't beat me up now because his new wife didn't know about that. Then in walked loser number two. He liked sneaking around with me and indulged me about happily ever after. Sci-fi geek, would-be anarchist, blah, blah, blah.

"My father found out, threatened me several times, which I casually mentioned to a friend. Fortunately or unfortunately, her mother was in the room, and she happened to work at the DA's office, and said she might have to report my dad. I told my dad, he kicked me out, and I stayed with that friend for the year. And sometime shortly after that, loser number two dumped me. The only good thing is that my friend's parents made my dad pay for me while I was staying with them, and then at the end of high school, they gave me all of the money they'd saved on my behalf.

"My mother felt just terrible, so she begged me to live with her. I said no, but I did agree to come to stay for college. Mostly because I wasn't stupid about how much my father was going to pay for me to do anything. And she was so happy to have me back that she moved into a smaller apartment and put me on the loveseat in her office, where I have been for the last year and a half." She finally took in the shocked expression on Drew's face. "Sorry. Even high school is a little short on dating."

"Wow," Drew said finally. "I guess I should stop bitching about Harvard, huh?"

"Are you going to tell me about high school or not?"

"I will as soon as you're done."

"You want more gory details? What? Number of times I hooked up with someone?"

"I'll pass on that. I mean the one you liked. There must have been one guy you actually liked, who didn't break your heart, or I think you'd hate everyone."

She looked at her water. "Yeah, there was one guy," she said softly.

"What was his name?"

"Charles, but everyone called him Chas. Everyone but me that is. I always called him Charlie. He was...beautiful. He was perfect. He was one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, and gorgeous, witty, bitter, and...really gentle and poetic when no one was looking."

"And then what happened?"

"That was during freshman year, when the braces were still on. There was never a chance."

"Is that why it still bothers you?"

"No..." She shook her head. "He was the blonde golden boy with the sea blue eyes that everyone loved, and I was the dark little goblin that no one noticed or cared about, but we were the same. There was this one moment when I realized that, and it was one of the only moments where I was out of myself and my misery and I just was. Not happy or scared or angry. I just was, and everything was okay because for the first time I wasn't alone." Emily remembered that night by the bus stop when she and Charlie talked about the joke that was life. She saw stars when she went home that night, and the hope that had seeped out of her came flooding back. Oh, starlight.

"Nothing happened?"

She looked away. "I realized a few years later that something could have happened, maybe a couple of times, but I said no in one way or another. It wasn't perfect, and I wasn't going to have the thing I wanted so badly unless it was absolutely perfect. And of course, nothing ever is."

She jolted back to the present when Drew grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up into a soft, wet kiss. Right then, his strong scent didn't bother her. She pulled away and looked at him with some surprise. "Did you notice that I have blue eyes? Granted, no one ever said they looked like the sea, but I've had a bunch of people tell me that they're very nice. And I'm blonde. Did I mention that?"

"I did notice."

"Oh good," Drew said, then kissed her again. "But I've also been told, in case it wasn't clear, that I'm pretty smart too. I'm sensing kind of a theme with you."

"Yes, you get points in the IQ department. But, Drew—" She tried to pull back, but he pulled her closer. "You have no idea how messed up my life still is."

"So tell me," he said softly. She closed her eyes, put her cheek on his chest, and started to cry. "Hey," Drew said, rubbing her back. "It can't be all that bad."

She opened her eyes, and he wiped away her tears. As she looked at him closely, she thought he was handsome when he was serious and sweet. "Why don't you shut up and kiss me?" Smiling, he obliged.

# CHAPTER 23

By the end of the evening, Emily had a place to stay. She didn't tell Drew about her mother, but by early Friday morning, he asked her to pick up her things and bring them over. "It's a big place, and I could use the company." Emily smiled and wrapped Drew's arms around her as she fell into a deep sleep.

There was just one thing. It wasn't sex. Well, it was and it wasn't. It reminded her of the eighth grade, or what she had hoped the eighth grade might be. She didn't say anything, because she could tell that he was trying to be a nice guy.

She woke up at eight on Friday and looked at the bright, grey December light streaming in through the window. She exhaled. She hadn't realized how much loneliness and worry had weighed on her until they were gone.

She turned to see Drew asleep next to her. She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, then kissed his forehead. The kiss woke up him up. He smiled back. "Good morning, gorgeous."

"Gorgeous? Boy, you must be pretty sleepy." Emily kissed him again. "So what's the plan for this lovely Friday?"

Drew stiffened. "Did you say Friday?"

"That is the day that comes after Thursday, right?"

"Oh, jeez!" He jumped out of bed and looked at the clock. "There's somewhere I have to be at nine. I've got to get in the shower."

Emily sank back into the bed when she heard the shower running. What to do today?

She sat upright. Her mother would be out of work by five and home by six. Could she finagle Zainab into meeting her that much earlier?

Emily ran into the bathroom as soon as Drew was out. The sooner she could get ready, the sooner she might be able to pull this off. As she dried off, she thought she heard some banging coming from the living room, but then assumed it was from students moving out of the next-door apartment.

She put her clothes on and came out. Drew looked surprised. "Yes?" Emily laughed.

"That's the quickest shower I have ever seen a woman take."

"I'm just full of surprises. So, where are you off to this morning? Final? Solar car?"

"A final. I had to wheedle this at the last minute, and I really don't want to piss anybody off, so I can't be late."

Emily shrugged. "Sounds good. What time will you be back?"

"Um, three? What about you?"

"I think I'm going to take you up on your generous offer and get my stuff out of my mother's house...unless that was just the late night talking?"

He kissed her on the nose. "I would be honored to have you cram your stuff into my closet. Here is an extra key." He reached into his pocket. "Just in case you're back before I am. I'm sorry I can't help, but I have to run, like now!"

"Good luck!" she shouted as he ran out the door. The door slammed shut, and then she smiled, hugging herself a little bit.

She dialed Zainab a moment later. "Tell me you're not hungover," Emily said hopefully.

"Not much. Why?"

"Because I need a big, huge, sober favor."

"Uh huh?"

"Will you meet me at the St. Paul stop and help me move my stuff out of my mom's house?"

A long pause followed. "Okay, maybe I'm more hungover than I thought. What?"

"It's a really long story, and I'll be happy to fill you in, but I want to get my stuff out ASAP."

"And is your stuff coming to my place afterward? I just need to know."

Someday, she would tell Zainab all about this week. "Drew's apartment."

"Is this why you don't date much? You can't go out with someone without moving in with them?"

"Can you meet me or not?"

"What time?"

It was nine now. "How about ten?"

Zainab groaned. "See you then."

"Thank you!" Emily hung up and clapped her hands. This was going to work.

# CHAPTER 24

Emily needed to use the ATM and got to the train stop five minutes late. She found Zainab standing with two Starbucks cups and tapping her foot. "And this is the thanks I get for dragging myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of nine-thirty?"

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd be a little late, and I thought I should walk because...because I just didn't want to sit on the train all by myself. I am just..." She smiled at nothing in particular. "I'm so happy."

"Drew's that good, huh? Who'd have thunk it?"

"Oh shut up!"

"He's not that good?"

"I'm sure he is, but—"

"You actually got drunk and you don't know?"

"Bite your tongue. It's just that we didn't, you know..."

Zainab looked confused for a minute then laughed. "But you slept over, and you're going to be sleeping over. How could... Okay, which brings me to the obvious: aren't you rushing things a little?"

"Sorry. What's the appropriate period of time before I move in with someone?"

"Um, I don't know. Something more like a couple of months as opposed to a couple of hours?"

"And all of this would offend you less if I had slept with him?"

"I'd get it. What if you sleep with him and you don't like it?"

"I don't think anyone is going to be compared to the Kama Sutra."

"You know what I mean. What about chemistry?"

"Trust me, there's chemistry."

"Okay."

"Don't you 'okay' me. I'm the judgmental one in this relationship."

"Yeah? Well, I think I've bought myself at least a few foolish episodes without anything out of you."

"Fair enough, but I draw the line at you falling asleep on your wall."

"Oh shut up," Zainab said as the fifty-seven bus pulled up.

They got on the bus and talked about plans for the break. "I'm taking the bus to Westchester on Sunday afternoon. My mom wanted me to take a plane, but I managed to convince her to use the difference on some shopping instead. Aren't I a clever girl?"

And finals. "Thank God those are over. I've timed my visit home to end before grades are mailed out. No, I did not fail, but yes, you have my word that I will be spending much more time with you at the library this quarter." Zainab made even the lousy ride back to her mother's house fun.

Thirty-five minutes after they'd gotten on, they stepped off in front of Emily's mother's house. Emily looked at the faded wood and dried up rosebush. "I have never been to your house before," Zainab remarked as Emily opened the door.

"And now you'll know why." When they walked in, they were hit with the smell of trash Emily hadn't taken out yesterday and the sight of dirty dishes in the sink and on the kitchen table.

"Welcome to my lavish quarters." Emily opened the door to the study. The desk was messy with her mother's papers, but the rest of the room was reasonably neat and tidy. Almost all of Emily's clothing was folded up at the bottom of the closet, and her books were in a corner of the room. She grabbed her half-packed suitcase and packed up the rest of her wardrobe. Next, she went into the bathroom and grabbed her toiletries. She threw those in, closed the suitcase, then packed her books and papers into her backpack. "And that's that," she said with satisfaction.

"So what did you need me for?"

"It's two bags, but they are heavy." Zainab grabbed the pullout handle of the luggage, which Emily could have easily dragged while carrying the backpack across her shoulder. "Okay, we're done here."

"That's really it? You don't have more clothes?"

"You have seen my wardrobe."

"True. Aren't you going to leave a note?"

"Nope. I'll send her an email."

"Then I guess we are done." Emily followed Zainab through the kitchen and out the living room to the front door. Zainab held the screen door as Emily locked up and then placed the key under the doormat. "Is that safe?"

"She'll find it."

They crossed the street and waited in silence for the next bus to come. After two minutes, Zainab asked, "So how long did you live there?"

"Right after high school, pretty much."

"Is that where you always slept?"

"You mean in the study?"

"No, I mean on the loveseat."

Emily looked away. "Much better than some of the other couches I've slept on—present company's excluded, of course."

"Of course," Zainab replied. "And in case you were wondering, it's always available."

Emily didn't look at Zainab because she didn't want to start crying. "Just so you know, if I ever do end up on your couch, you'll have the cleanest apartment and best homemade food you have ever eaten."

"Why am I taking you to Drew's then?" They both laughed, and after a moment, Emily could look at Zainab with some composure. Zainab rubbed Emily's arm. "Promise me you're not just doing this for a place to stay."

Emily shook her head. Sleeping on a couch for a year and a half and then getting teased by some charmer had left her with more than a dull ache in her back. She had missed feeling wanted. "I promise," she said as the bus arrived.

They rode all the way to Kenmore Square and then walked to Hemenway Street.

"And now for the new digs," Emily said when they got to Drew's building.

"Oh, wow," Zainab said when they walked in. "It's big."

"But?" Emily put her bags down.

"It's kind of bare."

"Ah, but I have an alternate view of luxury. You can always get more stuff, but it's hard to acquire more space."

"True. So, aren't you going to offer me something to drink after all of that non-labor?"

"Hmm." Emily went into the kitchen and while there was a little bit of juice and water left over from the night before, it was otherwise bare. There was, of course, quite a bit of fresh pasta and some sauce, but that didn't feel like real food. Emily took out her cash. She had forty dollars. "How about I give you some juice, and then we go over to Whole Foods to do some shopping?"

"What am I, your beast of burden today?"

"Not just today."

Zainab drank her juice then they left for Whole Foods. "What did you get when you had your first apartment?"

Zainab thought for a minute. "Cereal."

"Cereal? Okay, cereal. Good for breakfast. And then maybe some juice."

"No, get some fresh fruit. Juice has too much sugar."

"Fruit, check. And what else?"

"Milk for the cereal."

"Soymilk. What else?"

"What do you eat for lunch?"

"I usually have to pack things for long trips, but if I'm home for lunch, or close by, then I can do something like...ooh, a sandwich!"

"Only you would get excited about a sandwich. Okay, so then you need bread, veggies... What do you use instead of meat?"

"Cheese. I can do cheese."

"Cheese. Okay. Then what about dinner?"

"What's cheap? I think I'm running into my cash limit for now." What about later?

"Rice and beans."

"Ugh..."

"No, seriously, you can do a lot with that."

"Tell me more."

"Well, I should eat more of it, but some of my friends have made some really delicious rice or couscous and bean dishes that are soooo good. You need some spice and herbs and veggies, but those aren't usually too expensive."

"Hmmm... Maybe we should go to Shaw's instead?"

"Sounds like a plan." They turned around and walked back, crossed Mass. Ave, and started laughing about their teachers, classes, and SGC. Emily felt a twinge when she passed the reflecting pool, but she brushed it off. She'd been by it many times before and today was no different.

They got to Shaw's and picked up the store brand versions of cereal, canned beans and rice— "It has to be brown." –then got a pound of cheddar cheese, some apples, oranges, soymilk, whole wheat bread, lettuce, sprouts, cumin, and mayonnaise. After everything, Emily counted her change. "Wow, a whole dollar seventy-nine left!"

They walked back to Drew's apartment. It was only one, so Drew wasn't back yet.

"So," Emily said as she put away the last of her groceries, "will you stick around for lunch? I think I'm having...a cheese sandwich."

Zainab looked at her watch. "I'm going out tonight, and I need to get started on my packing. So, love to, but can't."

"When are you coming back?"

"I think they're letting me go the Friday before classes start, so I can settle in and get all of my books."

"That's, like, two weeks away! What am I supposed to do?"

"You'll be fine. And isn't Jessie going to be here?"

"Yeah, that should keep me busy." She hugged Zainab. "Tell everyone I said hi."

"I don't think you've met them."

"Tell them anyway. And don't do anything...I wouldn't do."

"Considering I just helped you move in with someone you just met, that shouldn't be hard."

"Good-bye!" They hugged again, and Zainab walked out.

# CHAPTER 25

Emily sighed then turned her attention to her luggage. She took everything to the bedroom and hung up as much as she could in the closet. She looked through some of the drawers to see if one was empty. When she opened the bottom drawer of one of the bureaus, she saw a ledger. She looked at it but didn't open it. That was all there was in there, but she didn't want to move it.

She laid down on the bed. So tired.

She jumped up when her cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Did I wake you?" It was Drew.

"Um, yeah, but it's time to wake up. What's going on?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I brought Richard over."

It was sweet that Drew would ask for permission to bring someone to his own place. "That'll be great."

"Excellent. We've got a couple of things we need to finish up here, so maybe five."

"Sounds good. See you then."

Richard. Now she was really awake. That first meeting was awkward even by first meeting standards. She was trying to think of conversation to make with him and wished she had a smartphone so she could look up the latest and greatest on solar cars.

In honor of a guest coming over, she made the bed. She washed up, put on some lip gloss, and then looked in the kitchen cabinets to see if there was something she could make. She found an old box of instant hot chocolate, the kind with the tiny marshmallows. She boiled a kettle of water, then mixed three cups. There, now it was like a home.

Five minutes later, Drew opened the door. "Emily?"

"Hey there!" she called from the kitchen. Drew came in and gave her a kiss. She waved to Richard. "And hello again!"

Richard came over. "Nice to see you again, Emily. So tell me, what terrible, dark secrets has Jessie already told you about me?"

Emily forced a laugh. "Would you be offended if I said that 'terrible and dark' has not come up on the text messages?"

"Very, because she hasn't been able to stop talking about you. In the good way, which is unusual for her."

"I wouldn't take it too seriously. Besides, I'm sure she likes Zainab better."

"I'm sorry," Drew interrupted absent-mindedly. "Would you excuse me?" Before they could answer, Drew walked toward the kitchen and then into the bedroom. Emily looked after him, puzzled. She turned to Richard, who also looked confused.

"Sorry," Emily said after a moment. "You were saying?"

"Actually, you were saying."

"Huh? Oh, never mind. What's your story? Your story at school."

Richard looked at her like he was waiting for her to say something else. "I'm a senior," he said at last. "I'm getting a double major in engineering and business. I like Vietnamese food. Solar power is my life." He shrugged and sheepishly grinned. "I'm not that interesting."

"Oh, I don't know." There was good stuff there. "Let's start with the double major. How did you manage that?"

"I'm an older student, but in my case, not because I wanted to be on co-op for the rest of my twenties, but because I needed to get a lot of classwork in. I was on co-op for what seemed like an eternity, but I was in class just as much. What's so funny?"

Emily was smiling. "You're an 'older student.' I'm a 'younger student.' I'm going to be very pleased with myself if I get out of here at the end of the spring quarter, but I won't have a double major to show for it. So, you rock!"

Richard chuckled. "And how young are you?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me how old you are."

"Twenty-six."

"Oh."

"'Oh?' Am I that old?"

"No, not at all. I..." She had to finish her sentence. "I thought you were closer to twenty-eight."

"I see. And that would make you, what, seventeen?"

"Oh! Nineteen."

"That's...not much older than seventeen, and barely older than Jess. Hey, Drew, how old did you say you were?"

Emily turned around, expecting to see Drew in the kitchen. But Drew had closed the bedroom door. "Drew?"

Drew came out a moment later, looking a little frazzled. "Sorry, what?"

"I was just telling Emily not to get too upset with you because you're a lousy host."

"Sorry," Drew said sheepishly, walking into the kitchen. "I was just making sure I had some space for Emily's things. Ooh, is that hot chocolate?"

They sipped their hot chocolate while sitting on the couch. Emily got to learn a little bit more about the solar car project from Richard. "Our prototype is good. I think we can take it to market in a few years." But generally, the conversation stayed pretty light, with Drew providing most of the anecdotes and entertainment. "So," Richard said around six, "what are everyone's plans for the holidays?"

Drew looked guiltily at Emily. "I just found out my parents are demanding my presence next week for Christmas."

Emily's face dropped. "The whole week?"

"I'm sorry," Drew sighed. "I was hoping we'd be able to spend Christmas together, but my dad is very into the holidays. And aside from trying to be a good son, I need to keep him happy. He's the one holding the purse strings to my scholarships."

"That's a good reason to keep someone happy." She looked at Richard and squeezed Drew's hand. "And what about you?"

"I'm having a little party on Christmas, and if you're looking for something to do, you're more than welcome to come."

"I think Jessie already invited me."

"I hope you'll be better behaved than some of her previous invites."

"Depends on the food you put out. If there is no vegetarian fare, it's going to get ugly."

"Consider it done. And since Jessie can be a little mischievous, I'll even make sure that she doesn't sneak any meat in it after the fact."

"What a gentleman."

"I try." Richard finished his hot chocolate then stood up. "Alright, I'm going to leave you two crazy kids alone now. This little conversation reminded me of a few things I need to tidy up before the party."

"Isn't that in a week?" Emily recognized a kindred worrier.

"I do have a very nice home after it's been cleaned for a few days straight. Bury a few bodies, stuff a few skeletons into the closet, and of course all the drug paraphernalia."

Emily laughed. So did Drew, but not as heartily. Richard smiled. "Don't worry. Jessie and I won't corrupt her while you're gone. "

Emily smiled sweetly. "You couldn't if you tried."

"If you say so." Richard turned to Drew. "But if I don't see you for at least a few hours this weekend—"

"Say no more!" Drew said, then stood up and shook his hand as he escorted Richard to the door. "See you!" he called as Richard walked down the landing.

"I think I like him," Emily said after Drew closed the door.

Drew turned around. His face was blank. "Do I have to worry about you at this party?"

"What?"

"You certainly laughed at most of his jokes."

"Because they were funny, or maybe a few times, I was trying to be nice. That's what you're supposed to do when friends come over, right? Make them feel comfortable."

"You were doing a really good job of it."

"He's nice. He's funny. He's your friend. He's my friend's cousin. Was I supposed to make him feel stupid?"

"Give me a break. Don't try to make me feel guilty because you were flirting with someone right in front of me."

Emily blinked. "Flirting? Are you crazy? I was having a conversation with someone, and yes, sorry, I was enjoying myself. Again, silly me, I thought that's what you were supposed to do with friends. No problem. Next time, I'll make sure to look as uncomfortable and put upon as I can and speak only when I'm spoken to. Is that going to satisfy you?"

"Do you always start calling people names in the middle of an argument?"

"Oops. I didn't realize we were in the middle, because as far as I'm concerned, this is the end of it."

"You can't just end a conversation like that."

"True, but I can end an argument like that, especially one where you start accusing me of flirting with your friend in front of you."

"But it would be okay if it wasn't in front of me?"

Emily stood up. "That's it. I'm going to Zainab's tonight, and I'll be back for my stuff tomorrow."

"What?"

"This is crap. I've been here for a day and you're already pulling the jealous psycho? Whatever."

She tried to get her coat, but Drew moved to stop her. "Wait, just calm down a second."

"You're telling me to calm down? You're the one making ridiculous accusations."

Drew closed his eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry. It drove me crazy to hear you laugh at someone else's jokes."

Emily softened a little bit. "That's touching in a semi-crazy way."

"It wouldn't bother you if I started chatting up Zainab or Jessie the next time we were together?"

"I'd be happy that you liked my friends, and then I'd feel like you were trying to make me happy, and then I'd be even happier."

"So the world is just one big happy place for you?"

Emily put her arms around Drew's neck. "It was this morning."

Drew kissed her on the forehead. "Will you stay?"

"Will you stop being crazy?"

"I'll try."

"Then I'll stay while you're sane."

"Then I'll try really hard." She smiled as he kissed her again.

# CHAPTER 26

Mitch and Kyra boarded their plane to Ireland the week after finals ended. The program had made plans to open with a Christmas party with the other students in their program. There was a lot of grumbling, but Mitch shrugged it off. It was just that much sooner to his final destination.

Mitch was seated next to Martin on the plane. "Nice!" Martin said when Mitch sat down. "Now I'll have someone to talk to on the way over."

Mitch grinned. "Let's save the silent treatment for the students from the other programs."

"I don't want to avoid them. I want to see if they fit my preconceived notions. Of course, the people in our classes probably aren't going to represent the average European, but it's some insight."

"Why won't they?"

"Students are always more opinionated than the general public. Take Vietnam. People protested, but on average, college campuses were much more radical than the outside world."

"Even our university?"

Martin laughed. "Yeah, I think even we managed to get off our apathetic asses a couple of times in the sixties, but generally speaking, not enough to risk getting our heads bashed in."

"The mark of a real thinker: knowing when it's okay to take a calculated risk."

"We have our moments. The gays in the military issue saw a lot of activity in the nineties. Not so much now, though."

"Since they seem to need everybody they can get, they can't really afford to 'ask' or 'tell'."

"Wonder what the Irish would have to say about that?"

"Not sure. They've gotten much more open and maybe even 'progressive' in the last ten years, but abortion is still pretty much illegal, so go figure."

"Change takes time, right? Maybe a little longer in some cases."

"I'm going to be much happier contemplating some other country's messes for a few months rather than our own." Or, Mitch thought, my own.

"Good luck with that! I bet half the reason they let us to come over is so they can bitch at us about the Middle East, oil prices, greenhouse gases, and intelligent design. Enjoy this plane ride, because it will be the last time in a while that you won't be ashamed of being an American."

Mitch was about to ask Martin where else he had visited when he saw Kyra standing next to him. "Hey there!"

She lightly tapped her fingers on his seat. "Thought I'd come and visit now that the seatbelt sign is off."

"Oh, sorry, I should have come to visit, but Martin here was giving me a preview of the grief we're going to get once we land. Martin, this is Kyra. Kyra, this is Martin."

Kyra extended her hand and Martin shook it. "Pleased to meet you," she said sweetly. "I'm jealous. My seat-mate has been whining for the last half-hour about how she just dumped her ex-boyfriend and how lonely she is. It's too bad. She's pretty, and she seems smart, but she's so needy, I feel like she'd hop into bed with the first guy who smiled at her."

"Oh, really?" Martin said lightly. "What's her name?"

"Nikki. And she's sitting in forty-five B."

Martin turned around then turned back. "You know, it looks like you guys deserve a little alone time. Why don't you and I just switch seats for the remainder of the flight?"

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all." He grabbed his book and stood up. "Mitch, I'll catch up with you later and Kyra. Nice to meet you."

Kyra looked over her shoulder to make sure Martin was seated then sat down. Mitch grinned. "You better have been telling him the truth. He's going to be around for the next three months."

"It was the truth. Mostly. Her name is Nikki, and she is attractive. Maybe not that smart, though."

"That's a little cold."

Kyra snuggled against his chest. "I said she might not be that smart, I didn't say she was mentally challenged. And I wouldn't feel too bad, because the boyfriend in question hasn't exactly been dumped, but more...postponed? Delayed?" She looked up and smiled. "You know, out of sight, out of mind."

"Oh yeah?" Mitch felt the heat rising to his face. "And that's okay with you?"

"I just met the girl. I'm not her mother."

"You know what I mean."

Kyra stiffened. "When are you going to stop throwing that in my face?"

"I'm not trying to start anything, but maybe you can appreciate how being so light about someone cheating on their boyfriend might get me a little defensive."

"Right, because you're the one I was cheating with."

"And it doesn't seem to bother you." No, that wasn't what he wanted to say. Something else was bothering him, but he was so warm, he lost it.

"Would you like to call Todd yourself and verify that I broke up with him?"

"Can you keep your voice down?"

"Can you stop being a jealous ass?" she hissed. "Fine, what am I guilty of today? Trying to sit next to you? Okay, sorry. Why don't I just save your poor friend and send him back over here?"

Mitch sighed. "That's not what I want."

"Then what do you want? Because having me doesn't seem to be good enough for you."

"Fine. I'm sorry I was so touchy just now, but I think I'm entitled to it after everything that happened last week."

Kyra set her lips and shook her head. "No, you are not, because I ended everything else for you. You have no idea what that cost me, but I thought you were worth it. I guess I was wrong." Her lip started to tremble.

Oh great. "Alright, I'm sorry. I was being a jerk. I know you gave someone else up for me. I don't want you to leave."

Kyra sniffled a little bit. "Are you sure? Because I want to be with you, but if you're going to put me through this for the next three months, forget it."

"I'm sorry." He held her hand. "Can we please pretend that conversation never happened?"

"Okay." She kissed him again. "So tell me about your friend. Martin? He seems nice."

All was well by the time they landed and got off the plane, but Mitch had an annoying feeling that there was something he forgot to do.

# CHAPTER 27

Mitch and Martin were able to trade off their original roommates for each other, but Martin disappeared for a while (with Nikki?), which left Mitch open for a visit from Kyra. They lay in bed in the dark, Mitch absently playing with her hair and wondering when Martin was going to return. They were technically in violation of the rules, but the Resident-in-Charge had disappeared from site as soon as everyone had settled in, no doubt getting into the Christmas spirit with some of the new arrivals.

"Is there any television here?" Kyra asked suddenly.

"Yeah, I think they wired the country a couple of months ago."

"Ha-ha. I meant on campus. Once classes start, we're probably not going to have much of a chance to watch too much of anything."

After about ten minutes of wandering, they found the student lounge. It was ten-thirty, and they could hear most of the other students laughing from some of the rooms. The lounge was empty with the exception of two half-awake, half-drunk students.

The television was on, and after a few channels, Mitch yelled, "Stop! I think that's Patrick McGoohan!"

"Who?"

"This British actor. I think he was in that Braveheart movie with Mel Gibson."

Kyra squinted. "As who?"

"The king, actually." Mitch watched as the much younger McGoohan, in khaki pants and a navy blazer, ran on the beach, sped in a boat, and then was attacked by a gigantic plastic bubble. "What the hell?"

"Do we have to watch this?" Kyra whined.

"Just a minute. This is like The Teletubbies. It's so weird you've got to look."

"It's The Prisoner!" Mitch and Kyra both turned around. Sleeper One was roused from his sleep by their conversation. "Hey, Jim, it's The Prisoner!"

"Excellent!" his friend said, starting to open his eyes. "Which one is this?"

The first one squinted. "I think it's the first episode. Oh, look, there's Rover!" He pointed to the screen as the gigantic bubble came back into view.

Kyra snickered. "At least we know what it's called now."

"Don't you guys get this in the States?" Jim said groggily. "This should be required viewing for everyone. It explains politics, society—"

"The enemy really is within," his friend intoned seriously.

"Who's the enemy?" Kyra asked.

"That would be telling," Jim said, and then he and his friend both burst into laughter. Mitch moved toward him.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"No, mate, look! Shhhh!" He pointed to the screen, and everyone turned around.

They saw another man in a blue blazer, but this one was wearing a hat. "That would be telling," the man in the hat said, and then Young Patrick McGoohan glared at him as he rode off on his bicycle.

That would be telling, Mitch repeated silently. He hadn't really paid attention when the drunks had said it, but now... Where had he heard that before?

"Okay," Kyra huffed. "I think I've had enough." She moved toward the door, but Mitch grabbed her hand.

"Can we just finish the episode? It can't last too much longer."

"What?!"

"Huh?" Mitch turned to her, half-looking at the television. "Oh, ignore them, they're drunk."

"That makes it better," Kyra snapped. "Why don't you finish this stupid show with your new friends and I'll go back to my room?" She stormed out, and Mitch stole one last look at the screen before he chased after her.

"Don't be mad!" he said when he finally caught up to her.

"It's more important for you to watch some stupid old English TV show than defend me!"

"Guess what? Those guys were so drunk I could have taken them while I was half asleep. But they probably wouldn't have remembered, and there's no point in beating the pulp out of someone if they don't know it's you."

Kyra thought a moment. "Okay," she said sulkily, "but do you promise to talk to them when they're sober?"

"I promise to scare the living hell out of them as soon as I think they're up for it."

"There's my knight in shining armor," Kyra whispered as she kissed him.

"You want me to be a knight? Honestly, damsels in distress didn't do that well with knights—"

"Oh, you're so smart," she said, kissing him again.

After Kyra fell asleep, Mitch lay awake, staring at the ceiling. That would be telling. Why did that keep bothering him?

# CHAPTER 28

By the time Drew left for Ohio, Emily had put away all her clothes, bought her books, and started reading in anticipation for next quarter's classes. She had the syllabuses for three of the classes, but two of the professors hadn't published them yet. So she was going to read all of the books. Why not? It would give her something to do while she stayed in Boston without Zainab or Drew. Jessie wanted to do something, but she wasn't going to be home until the day before the party.

Emily still worried about money. She had to find some kind of job. The books had taken half of her savings. She quickly realized that cheese sandwiches were a luxury item, and even eating beans and rice two or three times per day was going to deplete her savings by the end of the quarter. And how would she buy books for the spring? She had to do something. She just didn't know what it was.

By the day of Richard's party, Emily was filled with dread. She wanted to see Jessie and she didn't want to offend Richard. But... Ugh. She didn't know if she could handle being around the other beautiful, fabulously wealthy people they must have invited. She hated going into something where she knew she was going to be outclassed.

She showered and read, but at eleven, a terrible thought occurred to her. She had nothing to wear.

She went to the closet. There were the jeans, the white shirts, the sweaters. This wasn't going to work. No, wait a minute. There it was. The dress. She took it off the hanger and held it a little bit away from her.

She remembered sitting at Princess Cappuccino with Mitch and watching him fingering it. She remembered the way his eyes shone when he smiled, then regretted that he had never seen her in the dress. The thought made the room feel bigger. She threw the dress onto the bed. Someone was going to see her in it. She got out a pair of black stockings, her black boots—she'd lucked out at Boomerangs a few months ago when a large shipment came in from Urban Outfitters—and a black turtleneck. Jewelry, jewelry... It was all she could do to wear a watch, but she had two necklaces, one small with blue stones and one with green beads. She liked the green necklace better but thought the blue would look better on black. Done. Now someone would see her in it, even if it was only Jessie.

She washed up, got dressed, and put a little bit of lipstick on. She looked at herself in the mirror. Attractive, even striking, but she felt like she was looking at someone else. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be someone else for an hour or so.

Emily arrived at the house on the corner of Dartmouth and Beacon. It was different in the daytime. Wasn't everything?

Richard opened the door. "Emily! Let me introduce you to everyone, and then I'll give you the grand tour."

The huge living room had a large Christmas tree in one corner, sparsely decorated with white lights. It was early, but three other people had already arrived. She thought she recognized Vijay, Jordan, and Carlos. So much for the fabulous guests, she thought to herself.

"Emily! You didn't blow me off!" Jessie came running down the stairs and threw her arms around Emily. Emily nearly lost her balance, but Richard steadied her. Jessie pulled back and looked her over. "What are you wearing?"

Emily was pretty sure that Jessie had on the same jeans she'd had on the night they'd met, and possibly more blue streaks. Now she had on a ripped t-shirt to go with it.

Not outclassed, but definitely outsmarted. "Isn't it a great dress? Fifteen bucks at the thrift shop."

Richard patted Emily on the back. "And you wear it well."

Jessie smirked, and Emily rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Richard. Someday Jessie's going to grow up and be as gracious as you are."

Jessie scoffed. "I'm an original. Instead of being polite but back-stabbing, I'm a straight-up jerk."

"Oh yeah," Richard said. "That's the first time I've heard a teenager try that."

"Ooh, ooh, ooh!" Jessie said, tickling Richard under his armpits.

"That's cheating!"

"You did use the teenager thing," Vijay mused. "That's sort of low, so I think she's entitled."

Clearly, everyone was in a better mood than they'd been a few weeks ago. "This is terribly amusing," Emily said as Richard graduated to beating Jessie with a pillow, "but did someone say something about food?"

"Richard!" Jessie exclaimed, hitting him on the ear with the pillow. "You forgot to put the food out!"

"Alright!" He made the time out sign. "Can you help me bring it out?"

Jessie, breathless and giggling, grabbed Emily's hand. "You help too."

"Wow!" Emily marveled as she walked into the kitchen. It was like something she'd seen on a cooking program, but it was well-used.

Jessie leaned in and whispered, "You know, he's single."

"Did someone say something about food?"

Emily turned around to see a woman standing in the doorway. Emily immediately took notice of her head of curly, almost kinky, dark hair. She was very fair with light, crystalline blue eyes. She had high cheekbones, large eyes, and full lips. All she needed was a redder shade of lipstick and she could have passed for Snow White—or a model.

"Since when do you eat?" Jessie shot back.

"Before we get into that," Richard said as he filled a bowl with nacho chips, "Miranda, this is Emily. Emily, this is Miranda."

Miranda smiled and shook Emily's hand. There was something about Miranda's smile that made Emily smile back. "Nice to meet you. And how do you know these two?"

Miranda opened and closed her mouth twice, then raised her eyebrows. "Well—"

"Michael," Jessie spat. "But we keep her around anyway."

"Oh."

Miranda made a face at Jessie. "We have the same guardian."

"Guardian?" Oh. The party a few weeks ago started to make a little more sense.

"Guardian," Jessie answered, but she was looking at Miranda. "Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, or something like that."

"So," Richard said as he cut up some vegetables, "is this how you'd like to spend time together? Or is there something else you'd rather talk about?"

"I would love to hear more about your solar car," Emily said as cheerfully as she could. Jessie and Miranda groaned, then grabbed plates of food and brought them out to the living room.

"Thank you," Richard said before he gave her a plate of food.

"No problem. Now tell me, is Jessie always trying to fight with people?"

Richard smiled sadly. "You'd think that, wouldn't you?"

"Anything I can do?"

"You're already being very helpful."

Jessie swung the door open. Her mouth hung open. "Oh my God, you guys! Richard's smiling." She looked at Emily and grinned. "What's your secret?" Then she looked at Richard. "Don't you want to know?"

"Jessie," Richard said under his breath as he walked out.

Jessie followed him with her eyes then grinned even wider. "He's blushing!" she whispered.

"Just shut up!" Emily said as she walked out herself.

She found Richard talking to Carlos and insisted they give her a solar car tutorial. They were joined by Vijay and Jordan, and the four of them ended up reviewing some of what they'd done in the past year and what still needed to be done. Emily pricked up her ears for some mention of Drew but didn't hear anything. I guess, she thought, he really is more public relations than anything else.

After thirty minutes, Jessie joined them. She folded her arms and loudly cleared her throat. "Yes?" Richard asked.

"I think you've monopolized my guest long enough. I never get to play with anyone for too long, so if you'll excuse us." She grabbed Emily's hand and took her to the couch where Miranda was sitting.

"We're much more fun than they are," Miranda whispered.

"I bet you are, but didn't we agree that I'm not?"

"That's not true." Jessie patted Emily's knee. "You were fun that night with Zainab."

"Well, I was in my natural habitat."

"And where was that?" Miranda asked.

"That café on Newbury Street. You know, the one with royalty," Jessie said with a smirk.

"Oh, that one," Miranda said after a minute.

"You'll have to excuse her," Jessie said. "Newbury Street is slumming for her. She's more at home in Paris or Tel Aviv."

Emily held her breath and looked toward the door. If this was going to be an anti-Semitic rant, she'd have to leave quickly. What a shame. She liked Jessie...

Miranda tilted her head. "You're actually going to meet my family someday and like them, so maybe you should stop complaining about them."

Jessie sneered. "Well, maybe they can get their asses over here so I can."

"There's one of you and about a dozen of them, so maybe it's easier if you come over with me."

Jessie frowned. "Yeah, Aunt Lucy's going to let me go to Israel."

Miranda opened her hands. "You really think she'd notice?"

"Okay," Emily said. "So...your family's in Israel? What are you doing here?"

Miranda narrowed her eyes at Jessie then turned to Emily. "My father's family. He was visiting the States when he met my mother here."

"And...then he went back?"

Miranda smiled. "Yes, and then he couldn't come back. He was killed on duty before I was born."

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. And your mom?"

Miranda pushed some hair away from her face. "She died in a car accident when I was five."

"I'm so sorry," Emily repeated.

Miranda nodded quickly and smiled. "Thank you, but it was a long time ago. And Alex was there to take care of me."

"And Alex is your guardian?"

"That's one word for it," Jessie hissed.

Richard came over before Miranda could say anything. "I hope you two didn't waste too much time bickering. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask Emily to leave."

Emily turned her head quickly. "Excuse me?"

Richard sighed. "I'm sorry. It's for your own good."

Jessie leaped up. "Are you kidding me?"

"No. Michael just texted me. He'll be here in about fifteen minutes."

Miranda stood up as well. "You're out of here."

Emily stood up. "I thought he wasn't allowed here?"

Jessie shot an angry look at Richard. "So did I."

Emily put her hands on her hips. "If this guy is as bad as you say he is, I don't want to leave you two alone with him!"

Miranda blinked. "What did you say?"

"I'm not going to leave you two alone with him if he's that scary."

Miranda smiled but shook her head. "That's really sweet of you, but Richard's right."

Emily put up her hands. "Fine, I'll go, but I'm not leaving you two here. There's plenty of room at my place— I mean, Drew's place."

Miranda leaned forward. "Did you say Drew?" She turned to Richard.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Yes, Drew. He's another loser Richard knows who couldn't—"

"It's a fascinating story, but we're wasting time." Richard nodded at Emily. "Please." He gestured toward the coats.

"Is anyone coming with me?"

Miranda shook her head. "I have to stay."

"And I have to make sure these two finally kick him out," Jessie said.

"Fine." Emily put on her coat. "Then I want to see you tomorrow."

Jessie cocked her head toward Richard. "Are you going to let me out tomorrow?"

Emily buttoned her coat. "He is or I'm not leaving."

"Alright," Richard said as he put his hand on her back and guided her to the door.

"Where?" Jessie shouted as Richard opened the door.

"Tealuxe at eleven."

"Okay!"

"Bye!"

The door slammed. Emily shook her head. Maybe she should walk on Dartmouth toward the river. Then she remembered. "Alrighty then," she muttered as she set off toward Drew's place.

# CHAPTER 29

Jessie flopped into a chair at Tealuxe at eleven-fifteen the next day. "I shouldn't tell you this, but Richard felt like an ass yesterday. He's really sorry and is offering to make you dinner any night this week to make up for it."

"Yeah, nice try. I'm with Drew, remember?"

"He is really sorry."

"Uh huh. What happened with Michael?"

Jessie sighed. "He was even more of an asshole than usual this summer."

"To you, right?"

Their tea arrived, and Jessie stirred in her milk and sugar without looking up. "Aren't you Nancy Drew?"

"Not really. I don't get it. I don't get why Richard takes care of Michael, or you."

"I don't get it either." Jessie drank her tea. "Richard should have said no to both jobs a long time ago, but he's too decent." She looked up and her eyes were red.

"I don't understand."

Jessie looked down again. "My parents died when I was little. I don't remember my father at all, and my mother only a little bit." Emily could see her smile for a moment. "The only adult around was Lucy. The only problem is that she has no interest in children. So Richard was in charge."

Emily shook her head. "But he's not that much older than you."

"I know," Jessie said softly. "But what can I say? He'd already been taking care of Michael for a few years."

"I thought you said this Alex person was Michael's guardian?"

Jessie scowled. "Alex makes Lucy look good. Miranda doesn't need a lot of caretaking, but Michael did." She shook her head. "But Richard...he's only a few years older. There was only so much he could do. Miranda does what she can, but again, there's only so much." Jessie looked her age now. "Richard almost killed him last summer, but Miranda was the one who took me away. She's the one who saved me. She stands up to Michael and Lucy and even Alex, but she won't leave. Speaking of people who should say no."

"Maybe she doesn't want to leave you," Emily said softly.

Jessie looked away again. "Then she's an idiot."

"Or a good friend."

# CHAPTER 30

By the next week, Mitch and Kyra's classes began in earnest. Mitch was jazzed by his poli sci professor, a former presidential candidate. After that first class, Mitch had nodded to himself. This was why it had been so important to get to Ireland.

Kyra was considerably less impressed with the literature professor. She found her hard to understand, but Mitch wasn't sure if she was referring to the instructor's accent or the actual lesson. If it was the latter, Mitch was sure Kyra could remedy that by paying more attention in class or occasionally participating. Mitch didn't share that thought with Kyra, because he knew that she felt intimidated by a lot of the other students and he didn't want to make it worse.

Of course, most times he wasn't sure if he would make something worse or better. There were a lot of things he didn't understand about her. Her temper ran hot and cold, whether they were in bed, in class, or studying. An off-hand comment might irritate her enough that she'd find another seat in class and ignore him for the entire afternoon. Or she wouldn't seek out his help with something until he was almost done with his homework. Many times, he was tempted to let her copy his work, but he was afraid someone might actually read it and be able to figure it out.

But then there would be other times when she would insist on holding his hand or more explicit displays of affection, and that often came about when he was talking to Martin. It got to the point where Martin would groan when he saw her coming and quickly retreat. This didn't do anything to endear him to Kyra, who stopped just short of demanding that Mitch not speak to him anymore, a request that would have been hard to manage since they were roommates.

There was some bickering as well, though it was only because Mitch wanted to avoid a full-blown fight with her that they didn't have those too. She would playfully or not so playfully criticize some of his little quirks or things he'd said in class. He would ignore most of her comments, no matter how much they might sting, because he knew how much it would upset her if he responded in kind. Being ignored only made Kyra more critical or whinier, and if ignored for too long, she'd huff off. Mitch would usually wait to see if she was going to cool down on her own or if he'd need to cajole her with a small gift or an apology. It was usually easier to say that he was a jerk, it was all his fault, and that he'd try to stop being that way. And they'd usually make up quickly, and for a day or so, Mitch would welcome her affection.

But one time, Kyra got him. They were in her room, and she was crying. "What do you want from me?" she asked. "What do I have to do to get you to stop treating me this way?"

"What way?" he asked in frustration.

"The way you ignore and treat me like I'm not there, except when we're in bed, and sometimes even then. What do I have to do to be a real person to you?"

Mitch turned red as if he'd been caught. As much as he'd tried not to—for his own sake, for Kyra's sake—Emily was always in his thoughts, somewhere. Sometimes she was sitting next to Kyra, no matter what she was doing. Worst of all was when she was sitting next to him when he was alone. "Was it everything you thought it would be?"

Kyra wasn't stupid. Of course she'd know someone was there, even if she couldn't see her. It was all his fault.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, then kissed her tenderly. He closed his eyes as he willed Emily away. "I'm going to be better, I promise."

Kyra smiled, and Mitch clung to her. This was how he was going to stop hating himself, by being better for her. Because that was the only way, right?

# CHAPTER 31

Jessie had demanded Emily's presence for the duration of the break. They spent their time together cooking (mostly Emily), eating (mostly Jessie), and talking about Jessie's semi-complicated love life. They waded through a few more details of the Hendrickson/Bartolome family trees, plus the attached Abbot branch—Michael was an Abbot, Jessie's other friends, and the mysterious Aunt Lucy. "You get the prize for Most Messed-Up Family. Damn, I thought I had a lock on that!" Emily said.

Jessie matter-of-factly shook her head. "You don't have enough mass. The more people, the more possibilities for deviance."

Jessie found a way to include Richard more than a few times. Emily sensed that Richard did not approach his complicated family history with nearly as much levity as Jessie did, so Emily never asked him any questions about it. He was, though, quite willing to talk about the solar car, and while Jessie's eyes glazed over, Emily was happy to listen for hours at a time.

When it was just the two of them, Jessie talked much more than Emily did. Which was fine, because Jessie got funnier and lighter the more she got off her chest. But on the day before Jessie had to leave, she decided it was Emily's turn to talk.

"So what are you going to do when I'm gone?"

"Study?"

Jessie threw a cushion at her. "You've been studying since before Christmas! What would you have done if I hadn't been here?"

"Studied more."

"Richard likes to study too, and you should have seen the way his eyes popped out of his head when I told him how well you cooked."

"Jessie, stop."

"What? Okay, fine, you don't want to date him. You could just go to the house after he drops me off and blow off a little steam with him. And then Drew will come back, and you'll realize Richard's much better—"

"Would you shut up please?"

Jessie leaned forward gleefully. "Remember when we went out to dinner and you were telling that boring story about the fur march on Newbury Street and the girl who threw paint on herself? He was totally eating it up."

"Yeah, Grasshopper, let me explain one of the facts of life to you: sometimes you try to make your friends feel at ease when they've got the spotlight on them. It's called being polite, and a lot of times, it makes it easier for people to talk and share. And that wasn't a bad story."

"Yeah, it was. And I've watched Richard work that polite thing all his life, but this was different. You could have been talking to him about a vegan liberation unit or the life cycle of a dust mite, and he would have been hooked. He likes you."

"You are awful!" Emily stormed into the kitchen to make some tea. She thought she'd seen Richard looking at her in a certain way; she definitely saw him looking away from her quickly more than once. She liked being around him, but only as long as she pretended not to notice. Why did Jessie think it was fun to stab at that?

Jessie sauntered into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "What? He's sort of experienced."

Emily turned red. "Is there a reason you're trying to pimp your cousin out?"

"Yeah. I want him to be happy, and I think you'd make him happy."

"As a friend," Emily said firmly, pouring tea for the two of them.

"I think you both deserve more than that."

"I'm with someone else."

"Things change. Que sera, sera."

"What is the matter with people? That's not how I left things with Drew."

"Come on, you know Richard's starting to grow on you."

"Look, I like him more than I did the day I met him. I think he's sweet and smart. But that doesn't mean I want to rip off his clothes. And oh yeah, wouldn't a relationship be difficult if I have to leave every time Michael shows up?"

"Are you kidding? Miranda almost passed out when you refused to leave. You're the only one that never ran away from him. I think Richard's impressed, too."

"As nice as it is to be impressive, no."

Jessie shook her head. "Richard is the nicest guy either of us has ever met, and you know it. I thought you were the smart one. You know, interested in people for 'better' reasons or whatever."

"I'm a person, not a robot. I want the same, stupid things everyone else does. I want passion and chemistry and..." She smiled, then shook her head. She didn't think Jessie would get it if she said "stars." "I like Richard a lot, but I don't have any of that with him. But now maybe it's going to be weird because you had to bring this up."

"I didn't say anything to him. It can be our little secret until you come to your senses."

"Yeah, whatever." They walked back into the living room.

"What's so great about Drew anyway? He looks like an overgrown ten-year-old."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You just finished telling me that you need passion and spice. You're really getting it out of him?"

"I take it you don't find him attractive?"

"I'm shallow. I like them handsome."

"So you can only have chemistry with people who look like gods?"

"No, but he looks like a baby, and that's kind of what you and Richard made him sound like."

"He's a nice guy, Jess. Stop being so prejudiced, because even if we do break up, I'm not dating Richard."

"Oh my God, you haven't slept with him yet!"

"What?" Emily sputtered.

"You haven't slept with him yet. Was that his idea or yours? No wait, Miss Passion and Chemistry. That was his, wasn't it? He's a virgin, isn't he?"

Emily was mad, then embarrassed to be mad. "Jessie," she said slowly. "Will you just stop?"

"I'm gonna take that as a yes."

"And then that's going to be the second time you're wrong today. He isn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because he told me." Those words sounded stupid as soon as Emily said them, and then she was even madder at Jessie.

"And why do you believe him?"

"Because if he's lying, he made himself look like an idiot."

"Because..."

"Because he told me he was hopped up on pills that he stole from someone's medicine cabinet and didn't remember anything except waking up naked with someone and seeing a condom box nearby." She paused. "Does that sound like a story you'd make up to make yourself sound better?"

"Only if you wanted to explain away your lack of skill but not look like a virgin. Because, you know, even if you haven't screwed him, skill can still be an issue. And it is, right?"

"And he had a long-term girlfriend, whom he lived with!" Emily said triumphantly.

"That's just wonderful. But how can you be sure he slept with her? And since you're trying to avoid the skills question, I'll ask again. Are they there?"

"What? Jeez. Why are you so concerned about my sex life?"

"Because if you're sleeping in someone's bed, you should have one."

"And I do."

"Sorry, let me rephrase: you should have a satisfying sex life. But you're right. I'll mind my own business. I'll just tell you, though, that Richard has done his share of adult dating, so once you're tired of playing house—"

"Just shut up!" Emily said before she threw a cushion at her.

# CHAPTER 32

Despite the harassment about Drew and Richard, Emily was sad when Jessie left. She comforted herself with their plans to make plans for Jessie's next break.

Zainab returned at last. She elaborated on the many stories she had started in email about her brother, her step-brother, some late-night partying with the little sister, and the influx of relatives from all corners of the globe.

"And did you see your mom for Christmas?"

"No, but I did wish her a Merry Christmas when she called."

"How long are you going to stay mad at your mom?"

"Not sure, but I think I'm well within my rights to hold my grudge until Valentine's Day."

"She's family!"

"I'm not the one who forgot that."

"Okay, my petty one. When is Drew coming back?"

"Why? Are you worried that I can't take care of myself?"

"I know you can take care of anything. I just thought you might like to see your boyfriend after he's been gone for almost two weeks."

Emily smiled. "He's home on Friday."

"Friday?!" Zainab was incredulous. "That's on the second! Who wants to spend New Year's with their parents?"

"I don't think it was his choice. But he did promise to make it up to me when he gets back."

"And how's that exactly?"

"I think he mentioned chocolate...and some other things."

~~~

Emily begged off going to the New Year's SGC party with Zainab. She went to sleep at her normal time, though she did spend a few minutes lying awake and wishing for a good New Year, whatever that might mean. Friday, she thought, is when my New Year would really begin.

She took the train to the airport and waited an hour before Drew's flight got in. She was nervous when they called his flight. What if he had changed his mind about her? What if he hadn't missed her? What if he didn't want to be with her? There had been emails and phone calls and texts, but all of that was out the window until you saw someone up close.

Drew got off the plane and ran up to her. He hugged her tight and kissed her. "Did you miss me as much as I missed you?"

She giggled and was about to answer when she realized he had cut his hair. She stood back and looked at him. If possible, he was even thinner than he had been before, and the military style buzzcut only accentuated that. His blue eyes, which had seemed playful before, were intensified by the dark circles under them.

"Is everything alright?"

"No," he said. "You haven't told me that you missed me."

"Of course I did, you idiot." She pulled him into a longer, deeper kiss.

"Only you could make that sound good."

Drew couldn't keep his hands off of her once they were home. They spent the next four hours in bed. For the first two hours, it was exciting and tender, but then, after an hour, Emily kept waiting for him to make the move. Maybe she should just be in the moment, but she couldn't deny that she had spent a while thinking about it while he was gone.

Maybe he didn't think she wanted to? She moved his hand to certain places, she hinted with her own actions...but nothing. Finally, Drew announced that he needed to go to sleep for an early day tomorrow, kissed her on the forehead, and rolled over to sleep.

Emily grabbed her phone once Drew started snoring. There was a text from Jessie.

How was ur reunion?

I hate you.

Richard's a phone call away. Hey ur right about one thing- BSG doesn't suck.

OMG- evening not a total failure.

# CHAPTER 33

Classes began the next week. Emily marched into her first class like a general coming to the scene of a battle her army had just won. She was prepared and engaged. Everything was going to be as she'd worked so hard to make it.

Emily walked to the student center at the end of the first day, smiling triumphantly. If she could get some of her work done early, then maybe she'd be able to get some kind of job. She wasn't sure what she'd be able to do with her irregular schedule, but there must be something.

Emily had suggested the student center to meet up with Zainab because she was low on cash—although she knew Zainab would keep her in tea as long as she needed to. She marveled at how quickly Zainab became the hub of activity, if not the complete center of attention. Zainab introduced her to some old and new faces, and Emily was surprised to see a few from SGC. Most surprising was Joe Welles, shaking hands like he was the Mayor of Boston. He came up and gave Emily a kiss on the cheek, and Emily did her best not to tremble before he walked away. What angle was he working?

Joe left after half an hour. A few others dispersed, then Emily could speak to Zainab in earnest. "What was that about?"

"First day of the quarter excitement?"

"Right, because Joe and his posse always come out to welcome the returning students. Of the winter quarter."

"There might be an election coming up."

"And what are you doing? Pimping Joe to all your friends?"

"I prefer to think of it as introducing him to people that might help."

"And whose idea was that?"

"Joe's."

"I'm glad he found a way for you to be useful to him. How's his girlfriend?"

"They're a little bit rocky right now, actually. You know, the stress of classes and SGC."

"He's so lucky he has you there to keep him company, provide comfort, whatever."

"I'm not providing that kind of comfort."

"But maybe after he wins in the spring, right? I had no idea you were so patient."

"Sorry, Em, some of us have to work for what we want."

"I admire that. I just don't think you should work so hard for him. Especially when there are other things you could be working for."

"Like what?"

"Like school, Zainab! Remember, the reason you sit in this building and met all of these fascinating people? Is that worth gambling over some guy you may or may not get after an election he might win?"

"I really like Joe."

"Does he really like you?"

"He likes me, okay? Maybe I like him more right now, but I think that's changing."

"Zainab, you're not stupid!" Emily burst out. "Joe is a user. Don't take it personally. He's doing what he's doing to get what he wants. You know that. You know, maybe we're not going to be friends after I say this, but he's not going to dump his girlfriend for you. Not because she's better than you or because you're not good enough, but because he's greedy. Maybe he's charming and useful on occasion, but don't get sucked in." She was filled with dread, but she couldn't have kept that to herself.

Zainab waited a moment. "Maybe everything you said is true," she finally said. "Part of me thinks it is. But when he looks at me sometimes, and when he laughs at my jokes, it makes my day. He makes me happy. And maybe I don't get every little bit of him that I'd like, but it's better than nothing. And would you stop looking at me like I'm a pathetic idiot?"

Emily blinked. "That's not what I'm thinking." She threw up her hands. "Maybe you're right and I'm wrong. Maybe that's how you're supposed to love someone, in whatever amount they come to you. I wish I could. It's got to be all or nothing with me. I couldn't take small pieces of something I wanted and be grateful for it."

"You don't have to."

Before Emily could say anything, the phone rang. For the fourth time today, it was Drew. Zainab saw the name. "Case in point."

"I've got to take this, but are we okay?"

"Yeah, but since you've made your feelings so well-known and I'm not stupid, do you think you can lay off?"

"Fair enough, but if it looks like you're getting hurt, Joe had better watch out."

"Deal," Zainab said. "Now let's hear what Mister Strand has to say."

Emily put the phone to her ear. "Hey, sweetie, done with work yet?"

"Um, yeah, I got off about an hour ago." It was five now. How come he got off so early?

"Where are you now?"

"At home."

"Great, do you want to come over to the student center before I have to go to the library?"

Silence for a moment. "I thought we'd have dinner together before you went to the library." Silence again. "I guess Zainab is welcome to come if she wants."

Emily looked at Zainab, who could hear everything. Zainab shook her head. "I guess it will be just you and me, but I'm going to have to meet Zainab at seven, so we've got to eat quickly."

Drew sighed. "Okay. I can boil up some spaghetti before you come over, but please don't be too long." He hung up.

Zainab strummed her fingers on the armrest. "Am I meeting you at seven to study because you're still concerned about my grades, or do you need an excuse to get to the library?"

Emily sighed. "A little of both, but maybe more of the second." Now it was Zainab's turn to give her looks, and Emily didn't put up a fight. "It's nothing. Really. It's just that last night, I wanted to go to the library so I could review some of my notes. Drew didn't think that was a good idea."

"You did do all of the reading already."

"True," Emily said slowly. "And that was Drew's argument. And it was sweet that he wanted me to stay with him, but...I'm going to have to do some work eventually."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Last night was the only time he was...weird. I'm assuming that once he gets more into his co-op and he's a little over me, he won't be so clingy."

"Em, does anyone ever get over you?"

"Maybe not, but you're about to get over my knee if you keep sassing me."

"Careful, I might not make it to the library if I'm too sore to walk."

"Zainab, please—"

Zainab laughed. "I'll be there, don't worry. But what are you going to do if I have plans?"

"Give Joe a call and tell him to work out his social life on his own time."

"Why do I keep you around again?"

# CHAPTER 34

Emily was worried by the end of the week. Drew seemed to expect that she should have all of her work done by the time he came home and pretty much jump into bed with him as soon as he opened the door. He was petulant when she had to leave for the library and didn't understand why she couldn't get her studying done while he was at work, especially since she had worked so far ahead. She found herself repeating more than once that she was hoping to be able to clear her schedule so that she could make time for a job of some sort. He would tell her that she didn't need to make any money. He had everything taken care of, he assured her. Emily thought she did deserve to be taken care of, but only by two certain people. Otherwise, she wanted to take care of herself.

Once grudgingly convinced of her need to study, he wanted to know why she couldn't study in their apartment. She'd be distracted by him, obviously. When he promised up and down that he'd behave, she still didn't believe him. Not wanting to get into a fight, she told him that she had to meet Zainab to study. That was her golden ticket. However, for most of that week, he insisted on coming with her. Which was fine, but at ten, he'd start whining about how he needed to wake up early for work the next morning. Emily would invite him to return home, but he said it was too dark for her to walk home by herself. Zainab, not sure what to do, would mention that she needed to take the train home as well, so she should probably get going. Emily would frown. She knew Zainab would get her caffeine fix first. Emily wouldn't have as much done as she hoped, but she didn't want to get into a fight at the library. So they'd all head off, and by the time she got home, Drew was affectionate and they'd be up well past when he said he needed to turn in. Fine, there was the weekend.

Or not. Drew was insistent that the two of them should spend the weekend together, as a couple. She could usually get him to agree to give her about three hours of study time, but since he threw such a fit if she wanted to leave for the library, she would stay there. Mostly, he was well-behaved, but sometimes he would be so nudgy that she'd give in and just resolve to be that much more organized during the week, when he was at work.

She did enjoy walking through Boston's cold, wintry streets or visiting museums and window shopping together. More than once, when Drew saw her eyeing something in a shop window, he'd insist on buying it for her. Emily would turn him down. It was one thing to stay in his apartment; it was another for him to buy her clothes. But Drew would not let up, and he wasn't above making loud and disparaging remarks about her thrift-shop fare. With a little heat left over from the study battles, she'd tell him that if he didn't like the way she looked, he didn't have to be around her. She'd walk away, and he'd come running and apologize. Emily would forgive him, because in her mind, the apology covered more than the clothes. That fight happened more than once a day on the weekends and by round three, Emily would reluctantly allow him to buy something for her. She put her foot down once when he told her that she should throw out her old clothing and told him that if he touched anything of hers, she would riffle through the apartment until she found and disposed of everything of value that belonged to him. To which he said...nothing, and in fact changed the subject. Emily didn't understand, but she made note of it.

It was fortunate that Zainab was keeping herself so busy with SGC on the weekends, because Drew was not in the mood to share Emily's company after having ceded so many hours to Zainab during the week. However, he jumped at every opportunity to see Richard. Emily chafed at the unfairness, but she liked Richard too. Also, in addition to being a good friend, Richard had used some of his contacts to help Drew land his co-op. However, Drew pleaded with Emily not to talk shop with Richard while they were out because, Drew said, Richard's work was really stressful and once he got on a tear about it, it was hard to pull him off. Emily wondered at that. Richard had certainly come off as dedicated, but not obsessive and stressed, at least not about his work.

Despite the tension Jessie tried to generate between Emily and Richard, Emily had fun with him when they all went out. One night, the three found themselves in the same café in the North End that Emily had gone to with Mitch. She smiled, but said nothing.

"So," she said to Richard after they'd put in their order for drinks and desserts. "How is that cousin of yours?"

"I'm guessing you mean Jessie," Richard said as he tried to suppress a yawn.

"I try to forget you have any others."

Drew looked confused. "Do you mean Michael? What do you have against him?"

Emily hadn't told Drew about Jessie and Michael. At first, it seemed like a violation of Jessie's privacy. Then it was too embarrassing for Richard. She looked at Richard and shrugged. "I don't know. Richard, what would I have against Michael?"

"I believe," Richard said after a moment, "Emily is referring to some of Michael's unfortunate bullying of Jessie when they were younger. But he was pretty much an only child, you have to remember, and orphaned at that. No one ever taught him restraint." Emily heard Richard's silent plea to leave it.

Drew scoffed. "That's what kids in a family are going to do. It's just good fun."

"Of course," Emily said after a moment. "But how is Jessie?"

"I think you'd know better than I would. Every time I call her, she'll tell me that she's online with you and she'll have to call me back. You may be the only person she won't multi-task with." Surprisingly, Drew didn't complain about her little online chats with Jessie, but only because, Emily was sure, she was Richard's cousin.

"I have noticed that she's increasingly coherent, but I'm still not always sure she's telling me the truth. Everything at school okay?"

"I think she's keeping the partying to, well, less than what it was last term, but we'll see when grades come out. And she mentioned this one guy—"

"Two, but only of them is serious."

"Hmm, good to know. I think she's okay, and when she comes up, you can see for yourself."

"Huh?"

"Next weekend. I thought she told you..." Richard stopped and rubbed his eyes. "No, she didn't tell you, because she was going to surprise you. I might have remembered that a couple of hours ago."

"Oooh!" Emily squealed with delight. "What are we going to do with her?"

"I'm going to need either coffee or sleep, but I'm pretty sure the plan was to have the two of you over for dinner."

Emily sat back for a moment, thinking it over. "I can't let her surprise me. She has to be the one I surprise, okay? So you two are going to... I don't know, pretend you're getting ingredients or something, and stay out for a while, and then when you come back, I'll have dinner ready, okay?"

"Do I want to get in the middle of this one-upmanship between the two of you?"

Emily pointed a tired finger. "You already did when you agreed to help her surprise me."

"She is my cousin, but you do live closer, so we're going to give you the home city advantage."

Emily giggled and hugged Richard impulsively. She could feel Drew's eyes on her, but she was too tired to care.

# CHAPTER 35

Emily spent the next week coming up with, emailing, and then changing shopping lists. She also came up with several plans for how she was going to get in the house while the other three were out. Richard ended up dropping a key off with her at the student center on Thursday. "Cook whatever you want. I think I've bought every ingredient they sell at this point. Just don't plan anymore, okay?"

He left just before Zainab arrived. "My goodness, Em! Is that you, out of class and out of the library, and unshackled, no less?"

"You are not funny, especially since you aren't coming with me on Saturday night," she whined. "We finally have an opportunity to get together with Jessie, and you have to do some commando work for General Welles. How is that going, by the way?"

"If Joe doesn't win this election, he is still going to be the most popular guy on campus. I don't think anyone in the school's history has made as many appearances and speeches as he has. But enough about me. Are you nuts?"

There it was. "I know what you're going to say."

"Good. Now what are you going to say?"

Emily slumped like a ragdoll. "I don't know why Drew's like this."

"Who cares? He is, and I don't think I've ever heard of anyone changing that. What are you going to do?"

Emily was too tired to think of something witty or sarcastic. "What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should pack up and come and stay with me."

Emily hugged Zainab. "You are the best friend ever."

"So does that mean that I should clear off my couch?"

"I love you for making the offer, but I don't think it's that bad yet. I think I can fix it. I don't want anything to be weird anymore. But I can't do this if he's going to be crazy and possessive."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell him to stop following me to the library."

"And what will you say when he asks why?"

"That he's keeping me from studying."

"Okay, try that. But you'd better do it, or you're going to hear from me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Okay."

~~~

Emily resolved to wait until Sunday to have that conversation with Drew. If it didn't go well, she didn't want weirdness hanging over their heads during dinner with Jessie and Richard. But she was almost excited to lay down the law.

Emily went to Richard's house on Saturday afternoon, as planned. She was grateful that Richard had bought everything she had asked for without question. Food since her move into Drew's place had consisted mostly of oatmeal, beans, rice, and the occasional pot of noodles Drew would cook up. She thought it was sweet when he cooked for her, but he did it so badly that she cringed when he volunteered.

Food was another source of tension for the two of them since Drew didn't "get" vegetarianism and kept badgering her to eat meat. However, although the beans and rice were starting to wear her down with boredom, she couldn't argue with the miniscule amount of money she was spending on food—even with the occasional piece of fruit. Considering how much money she didn't have, there was no turning back. So she continued to argue with Drew about it, because this was going to be the one area where he wasn't going to win. Tonight, she thought, would be a respite from boredom and general conflict. Tomorrow would be "the talk," and as she chopped away, she resolved that if she didn't get what she wanted, she was going to take Zainab up on her offer.

Emily had just started setting the table when she heard the key in the door. She threw down the silverware and then opened the door. "Surprise!" she laughed when she saw Jessie's face.

"You jerk!" Jessie said, throwing her arms around Emily. "I was supposed to surprise you!"

"Yeah, but this way, Richard doesn't have to cook."

Richard sniffed the air. "Ooh, something smells good. What did you make?"

"Couscous with chickpeas, raisins, and almonds, spinach and garlic, and strawberry shortcake."

Jessie ran into the kitchen, leading Richard by the hand. Emily was about to follow when Drew pulled her by the waist. "Don't I get a kiss hello, my little domestic goddess?"

Emily kissed him. This was when he was sweet, not clingy. "Isn't she great?" she said.

"Who?"

"The girl you came through the door with?"

"Oh, right." Drew straightened up. "She's okay."

"Just okay?"

"Oh, Em, tell me you didn't use red wine in this!" Jessie called from the kitchen. "Are you going to turn into an alcoholic now?"

"We'll talk about it later," Drew said seriously. Emily raised an eyebrow. She couldn't wait.

~~~

Drew spoke very little to Jessie during dinner. Emily wondered if they'd talked at all while they were out. Richard, thankfully, was one of the best hosts Emily had ever met, and he pulled everyone into the conversation. Jessie did her best as well, but by the time they were ready for dessert, it was clear that Drew disliked her.

"Oh God, this is so good!" Jessie exclaimed as she shoveled forkful after forkful of strawberry shortcake into her mouth. "Is there more?"

"Better question," Richard said, waving his fork. "Is there a recipe?"

"Richard!" Jessie gasped. "Is there a special someone you want to make this for?"

Richard looked up at the ceiling and shook his head. "Jessie, Jessie, Jessie."

Emily was just about to thank Jessie when Drew said, "I think these would be great if the biscuits weren't so dry."

Jessie stopped chewing. "I don't think they're dry at all," Richard finally said. "If they were any moister, the juices would make them disintegrate."

Drew shrugged. "Well, I guess I'm used to a little less juice in my strawberry shortcake. How come it's so juicy?"

"Because," Emily answered slowly, "I had to use frozen berries, seeing as how it's February."

"They still sell fresh berries in February. Didn't you see any at the supermarket?"

"Actually..." Richard smiled. "I'm the one who bought the berries. Emily just said strawberries, and I assumed frozen. Bachelor dilettante cook, what do you expect?"

"Yeah, I guess. But next time, you shouldn't make something like this in the winter."

"Em, you idiot. Didn't you know that?" Everyone looked at Jessie. "What?" she said while she was chewing. "This is obviously really gross. Richard and I don't like it at all, so why don't we keep piling it on until Em feels like the idiot we all know she is?"

Emily couldn't decide between hugging and throttling Jessie, so she just held her breath. Maybe she and Drew would have that talk right now.

Drew put his fork down. "Do you have something you want to say?"

"I think I just said it."

"That Emily's an idiot?"

"Yeah, but maybe not for the same reason you think she is."

"Okay, guys." Richard stood up. "Why don't we clear off the table, I'll make some coffee, and then we can all calm down?"

Jessie stood up too. "Some fights need to be had."

"Not everything has to be a fight."

"That's okay," Drew said with a smile so fake, it hurt Emily to look. "Let's hear what the high school set's answer to Doctor Phil has to say about the adults."

"Adults?" Jessie repeated. "You're not an adult. You're a big overgrown bully. No wonder you liked Michael. For real, I can't figure out why anyone would date you."

"You little..." Before Drew could finish that sentence, his phone rang. It was a personalized ring, one Emily hadn't heard before. Drew's eyes widened when he heard it, and he quickly walked into the kitchen to answer it.

Thirty seconds later, Drew burst through the door. "Honey, I have to go right now. How long are you going to be here?"

Emily looked at Richard and Jessie. "I, uh, guess I can go now if you need me to."

"No!" Drew said quickly. "I'm sorry, I mean, drink that coffee if you need to. Don't rush home on my account, okay?"

"Okay," Emily answered, now completely confused.

"Okay." Drew kissed her on the cheek. "Sorry to run off like this and, um..." He looked in Jessie's direction. "Sorry if everything got a little crazy there for a minute."

"Yeah, no problem," Jessie said in a monotone.

"I've gotta go. Work problem. Sorry!"

Jessie looked at them both once the door slammed shut. "Richard, you're friends with this guy? And, Emily, you live with him?" Silence. "Can one of you explain what his problem is?"

Richard shook his head. "Did he say work?"

Jessie scoffed. "Did you believe him?"

"Well, it's just—"

"Alright, guys, I know this is ridiculous, okay?" Emily burst out. "I have no idea what that was about, and, Jess, I have no idea why he hates you so much."

"I can be hateful, but I think all I did this afternoon was not act like he was God's gift to the universe when he started telling all of his stories."

"I think you embarrassed him," Richard said gently. "Sometimes it doesn't cost you anything to tell someone what they want to hear."

"And you're the expert at that, aren't you?"

"Don't fight, guys," Emily said wearily. "He's not worth it."

Jessie sat down. "Does that mean you're going to come to your senses and dump the fool?"

"It means I'm going to talk to him. I was going to talk to him tomorrow, and then I was going to talk to him tonight. Now I'll talk to him as soon as I see him."

It took about an hour, but Emily finally relaxed. Richard and Jessie treated her to more stories of their misspent childhoods, most of which made her laugh. At twelve, there was still no word from Drew. Emily called, but all her calls went unanswered. At one, she was ready to call it a night. Richard offered to drive her. Jessie immediately ran up the stairs, mumbling how tired she was. Richard shook his head. "Subtle, isn't she?"

They were halfway home when Emily asked Richard something that had been bothering her. "Did you ever meet Sophie?"

"Sophie Gorman? Yes. I actually met Drew through her."

That was different. "I thought you met Drew through the solar car team?"

"Actually, it's the other way around. I'm the one that brought him there. He was interested for a little while, but then he dropped off."

"For co-op, you mean? I thought he was going back when classes started again."

Richard was silent for a minute. "Once again, Emily, you've caught me at a sleep-deprived disadvantage. My memory fails if I stay up past my bedtime for too long."

"I'll be sure to get you some ginkgo biloba the next time I see it."

Richard insisted on walking her to her building. The lights were out. "You have no idea where he is?" Richard asked as they climbed up the dark stairs.

"Not a clue. He's never done this before. I hope..." She didn't want to finish the sentence.

"What?"

"I hope it isn't his ex-roommates. They didn't sound like the nicest people."

"What did they do?"

"Didn't Drew tell you?" Emily lowered her voice. "He helped get them busted for dealing last quarter? That's why he had to move to this off-campus apartment from the university."

Emily couldn't see Richard's face well through the dark. "Is that what happened?"

"I think that's what he said."

Emily opened the door and turned on the light. She stopped.

"What's wrong?"

Maybe she was tired too, but something was wrong with the room. Everything was in its place, even the things that were out of place when she and Drew had rushed out earlier in the day. So Drew hadn't come back to the apartment. But...there was something by the brick near the fireplace that looked different, and she didn't know what. "Not sure, but since we don't have too much of value here, let's assume that if someone wanted to rob us, they've already come and gone."

"You assume that, I'll go check." Richard darted into the rooms, turning on all the lights, and found nothing. "All clear."

"Thanks for that, and thanks for tonight. Sorry everything took such a wild turn...twice."

Richard put his hand on her shoulder. "None of it was your fault. And I'll have you know Jessie and I will be happy to eat your runny strawberry shortcake any time you want to make it for us."

Emily smiled and put her hand on Richard's. "You're a good friend, and Jessie's lucky to have you."

Richard smiled. For a moment, Emily thought that he was going to kiss her. Instead, he squeezed her hand and walked to the door. "Off to bed now. Tell Drew to give me a call."

Emily closed the door after him. This had been one of the most bizarre nights of her life.

# CHAPTER 36

When Emily woke up at seven the next morning, Drew still hadn't come home. How worried should she be?

She made herself some oatmeal and then grabbed one of the outlines she was working on. Finally, time to study, but now she was distracted. Still, she forced a good three hours of work on the first draft before she decided to do some yoga. She wanted to find her bliss.

An hour later, she was more annoyed than she had been before. Her inner voice was silent, almost as if it refused to talk to her. She tried to relax, but every time she got there, her thoughts would drift back to Drew. Finally, it did have something to say. What are you doing? She sat up, mad at yoga, Drew, and herself. She was going to have the talk as soon as the son of a bitch walked through the door.

Emily jumped up at four o'clock when the door opened, ready to rip into Drew for last night, for the library, for everything, but she stopped as soon as she saw his face. He obviously hadn't slept at all.

"What is going on?"

"Oh, Emily." Drew pulled her into a tight hug. His odor was very strong, but after a moment, Emily hugged him back.

"I was worried about you. Richard was worried about you. Call him. What were you doing?"

"The whole system was ready to crash, it was awful. The techs thought they had it under control, but then they had to call the whole team in. I wasn't the only one up all night. Literally, we just got out about thirty minutes ago."

He was sitting down now. "That sucks. But you could have called or sent me a text to let me know."

"I know, I'm sorry. I kept thinking I'd be done soon. I thought I'd said where I was going to be last night before I left, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I guess you were a little distracted," she said after a moment. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

"Will you come with me?" he pleaded.

"Sorry," she said firmly. "I really need to work on these papers."

"Can you at least stay here and do it? I promise, I'll be sleeping." Emily nodded. She wasn't worried. She dug into her papers and started to feel, if only for a few hours, like her old self again.

# CHAPTER 37

"So what happened?" Zainab said as soon as she saw Emily on Monday.

"With dinner?"

"No. Did you talk to him? Did you leave him? Have you regained your senses yet?"

"Uh, no, but I have a very good excuse. A few of them, actually." Emily told Zainab all about dinner with Richard and Jessie, and Drew's strange exit and subsequent return.

Zainab shook her head. "And what have we learned?"

"That I should have talked to him on Thursday like I promised?"

"You don't think we're past the talking point?"

"I know he's an ass, alright? I know he's been treating people badly, including me. And I feel like he's trying to dodge me now. I'm not going to let him. I'll talk to him tonight, I promise. And don't you say another word, Z, unless you are also ready to stop running after Joe like his Girl Friday."

"At least Joe is nice to my friends."

"Of course he is. He wants us to help him be the next president."

"He's also not crazy."

"He's pimping himself out to be President of the SGC. I question his judgment."

"Emily, talk to Drew tonight, or I'm talking to him for you!"

"Okay, okay." Emily wasn't going to pretend to resist.

~~~

Emily got back to the apartment at five. Tonight, she really did need to go to the library to get a few more notes for the second draft of another paper she was working on.

She told Drew she needed to study by herself and couldn't afford any distractions.

"Mm hmm." He nodded. "How do I know that you're not going to meet someone if I'm not there?"

She let that sink in for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"How do I know that you're not going to meet someone if I'm not there?"

"Jesus Christ! Is that why you've been coming with me? You think I'm meeting someone behind your back?"

"Why else wouldn't you want me to come with you?" He was so calm.

"I will say this slowly for you. I. Have. To. Study. I have a draft due tomorrow, and I need to get it done. I don't like working this close to a deadline, but your insistence on following me everywhere hasn't left me much of a choice. I am not meeting anyone except the person who wrote the criticism I have to read. Got it?"

"So why don't you want me to come with you?"

Emily hit the table with her open hand. "Because I do not want to pass notes, hold hands, whisper or have to tell you I missed you! I need to get this done, and I can't do that if I have to take care of you tonight!"

"I thought you were smart. Why can't you get your work done between classes, before I come home? Maybe you should spend less time socializing and more time working."

"How dare you?" She was shouting now. "Did you not notice that I am taking five classes, not four? I don't have as much free time during the day to study. And since you're so rude to my friends, if I want to see them when you're not around, that is just what I am going to do."

"Okay, then. So which of your friends are you going to see if I don't come?"

Emily snapped. "You crazy freak!" She grabbed her backpack and went to the door. Drew stood up and blocked her exit with one of his long arms.

"We're not done with this conversation."

"If you don't open this door right now, I am going to scream for help. And then when you do finally let me go, tonight, tomorrow, whenever, I am going to file a police report. And you know what this is? I think it's kidnapping. Unless you're not going to let me leave? Are you going to kill me, Drew? Are you going to shove my body somewhere? Bad plan, because it may take her a few days, but Zainab's going to notice if I don't check in. And she knows where you live. As does Jessie. As does Richard." She didn't let his gaze go. "So are you going to let me go now, or do you want to make this messy?"

His eyes were angry, but he stepped away. Emily quickly flung the door open and flew down the stairs, then sucked up every last bit of the cold air. She dialed Zainab as soon as she could get her hands to stop shaking. "Pick up, pick up!" No answer. Emily's antipathy for Joe was starting to grow into outright hatred. Should she call Jessie? What could Jessie do? Should she call Richard? There were a bunch of things Richard could do, but Emily didn't want to drag him into this embarrassing, dysfunctional weirdness.

"Emily!" Her feet felt heavy. Drew was running after her. She could run, but her backpack was heavy, and Drew was taller. She couldn't move anyway.

"What are you doing?" she said as Drew reached her.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want to play anymore. And like I said, I need to study." She turned and walked toward the library, but he was right behind her.

"I promise I won't say anything, you won't even know I'm there."

"You can't even trust me to go study, much less see my friends. That's sick!"

"Do you know what it's like for me every day when I'm not with you?" His face softened into desperation. "Don't you think I know I'm out of your league? Who could blame you if you picked up and left me someday?"

"If you can't trust me, if you can't let me do the things I need to do, then this doesn't work. I am not evaluating my options. I'm just trying to get out of school. How do you not get that?"

Drew's eyes filled with tears. "Please let me come with you. I promise I'll behave."

Fighting with him when he was this pathetic made her feel like an ogre. And people were looking at them. "Fine," Emily whispered. So they walked to the library slowly, while he held her to him. Once on the steps, he needed a few minutes to collect himself, but finally, at six, they were able to go in. The only seats they could find were near a big guy Emily thought must have been a football player and a group of five girls she guessed were freshmen.

Drew let Emily put in about two hours of work before he started bothering her. First, it was little notes, then tickling, and finally whispers. She tried to put him off and shush him, but he persisted. Finally, Emily laughed at a few of his jokes and absently nodded through some of his stories, hoping he wouldn't give her a quiz like he sometimes did. She had just finished an "mmhmm" when she saw a shadow looming over Drew.

It was the football player. He bent over Drew. "Listen, not all of us are here to talk and play footsy. If you can't shut up, then get out."

"Okay, I-I'm sorry," Drew stammered in a small voice and the other man, not even looking at Emily, clomped past the girls and back to his seat.

For the second time that night, Emily was shocked. "Are you going to let him talk to you like that?"

"What do you want me to do, get in a fight with him?"

She remembered him holding the door closed three hours ago and how he'd talked to her and Jessie on Saturday night. "Of course not." She stood up and marched past the girls to the football player.

"Excuse me," she said in a voice as brave as she could manage. The man looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Yes, I'm sorry if my boyfriend and I were making too much noise just now, but from now on, if you have something to say to either of us, I'd appreciate it if you were just a little more polite." She turned back to her seat. She had just gotten past the girls when she got an answer.

"Drop dead, bitch." She saw Drew, ashen and immobile. She saw the girls, some of whom were suppressing a giggle, some of whom looked scared. Emily turned back to the man.

"Oooh!"

He stood up. "How about I show you how to be quiet?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Why don't you show me what a big boy you are?"

A security guard walked by before the jock could make good on his threat. He looked at everyone, then addressed Emily. "Is everything alright here?"

"I'm not sure, sir. What do you think, big guy?"

He looked at her, then the guard. "Yes, sir. Everything is fine."

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

Emily sat back in her seat, opened her book, and didn't say a word. She didn't have anything to say to Drew.

A moment later, she heard a flurry of papers being shoved into bags, giggles, and then a bunch of feet shuffling off. Someone tossed a note into Emily's lap. He's an asshole, anyway. Yep, that pretty much said it all. She put the note on the desk. Drew picked it up, but she didn't care if he had anything to say about it.

Less than fifteen minutes later, she heard more shuffling of papers. Drew turned around. "He's gone!"

"That's nice, but you know what? I'm not done yet." Drew, for once, didn't say anything.

~~~

"So?" Zainab said as soon as she met Emily in the student center the next day.

"I don't think I'll ever have to worry about Drew coming with me to the library again."

Zainab gasped several times during Emily's story. "He didn't even stand up after that asshole called you a bitch?" she asked when Emily was done.

"He didn't need to. And I don't care."

"You know you could have been really hurt, right? That was a pretty stupid thing to risk."

"I'm so fed up, Zainab. I've been lied to, stood up, and manipulated, and that idiot was stupid enough to disrespect me to my face. Believe me, I'm not the one who had something to worry about."

Zainab patted her on the shoulder. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."

# CHAPTER 38

Mitch checked his email after every class, right before he went to bed, and as soon as he woke up. He also called his parents twice a day. "Mitch, it hasn't come yet. You know we're going to call you as soon as we get it."

"But sometimes Mom forgets to check the mail."

"She doesn't anymore."

That day, his parents made the call. "Son, I'm very sorry to tell you—" Mitch felt a pit open in his stomach. "—that you've been condemned to spending the rest of your life lying for people who don't deserve it." Silence. "You're in! Congratulations, you're going to law school!"

"Yes!" Mitch shouted so loudly that almost everyone on the campus could hear him, or so he thought. "Okay, Dad, I'm going to call you back later. Woo!" He threw open his door and ran into the hallway.

Martin was the first person he found. "I'm going to law school, man!"

"Oh, bummer, sorry to hear that." Martin laughed, then high-fived him. "Where?"

"The one back home." The undergraduate program may not have had the best reputation, but the law school had a very good one.

"And you're sure this is what you want?"

"This is the only thing I've wanted since high school. This is what I went to college for."

"So what are we going to do to celebrate?"

Mitch grinned. "I was hoping to find Kyra."

Martin groaned. "You do that, then let me know when you want to have some fun that's actually fun. I think I saw her near the North Hall about an hour ago."

Mitch half-skipped toward the North Hall, not troubling himself about why she would have gone there when all of their classes were in the South or West Hall. She must have been visiting one of the dorms there.

He walked through the halls and thought he caught some strange looks from some of the Danish students. He had gotten almost to the end of the hall when he heard groaning. He was about to move on when he heard a familiar moan. He stopped in his tracks.

"Uli, you do that really well."

"Thank you. Now I think there was something you did last time I particularly liked."

Mitch moved without thinking. He knocked on the door. "Who is it?" Uli asked.

Mitch knocked again. And again. Uli opened the door a crack. Mitch pushed it open and saw Kyra scream as she covered herself with a sheet. "Oh, my God!"

She cowered under the covers and started to whimper. Mitch looked at Uli, who looked like he had no idea what all of the fuss was about. "No problem," Mitch said. "She's all yours." He forced himself to walk away, one foot in front of the other.

He had just gotten to his hall when he heard Kyra frantically running behind him. "Please, Mitch, let me explain!" That gave Mitch the burst he needed to run to his door and lock it before she could force herself in.

He sat in the dark. He heard Kyra crying outside, banging on the door, but she left eventually.

Hours later, Martin turned on the light and jumped when he saw Mitch. "Didn't you hear Kyra banging on the door?"

"I did," Mitch barely whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"Did you know that Kyra was screwing Uli?"

"I think I might have mentioned something if I had! Oh man, I am so sorry."

"I think most of the Danes knew." He blinked. "I wonder how long that's been going on."

"You know she's not good enough for you, right? It's hard to think of anything more humiliating than being stepped out on—by her, with him—but take it as a blessing. You're finally rid of that dead weight."

"I don't care."

"You just told me she's been making the two-backed beast with someone else, and you don't care? There's noble and forgiving, and then there's being a doormat."

"I don't care about her. I've tried so hard to care about her that, I don't know, maybe there's something, but mostly, it doesn't matter. I don't care who she screws."

Martin was quiet for a minute. "If you don't care, then why are you with her?"

"'Cause I'm an idiot."

"Right...but why did you get with her in the first place? Was it her looks? She's pretty, but she's not a goddess."

"I can't tell. I've been too busy worshipping someone else."

"So," Martin said slowly. "There was someone else."

"I don't... Maybe. No, there was. There is. There was someone else. I think about her all the time."

"Then I'm going to ask a little more clearly. Why were you with Kyra?"

"I'll tell you what I told someone else. It was because Kyra was here and Emily wasn't going to be. It's that simple."

"That's some bargain, except for the part about Kyra being a blithering, cheating idiot."

"I did it on purpose." He was making himself sick. "I couldn't have left this person, so I went to Kyra instead."

"Do you want to start making sense? Were you with the other girl or not?"

"I was going to be. I had a date with her. It was important. If I'd gone, I don't think I could have left her. But I had to. I promised my grandmother and my parents and myself. I couldn't let some nineteen-year-old temptress get in the way of that. Even if she made me feel like everything was the way it should be. Coming here was more important. So there was Kyra, and can you think of a better excuse to not be with someone than being with someone else? So I was. And I lost a friend because of it, but I didn't care, because I had to come here. Even when I found Kyra waiting for that other guy—"

"There was another guy?" Martin shook his head. "When was this?"

"Before we left. Before finals were over. And yeah, I thought I should find Emily then. And someone told me I should. I was in the middle of trying to figure out what to say when Kyra called and begged me to come back. I was going to look an asshole anyway, no matter what. And Kyra said she was sorry. And I couldn't think of anything I could do to make Emily take me back. So I went back to Kyra."

"And now here you are, sitting in our room with me. Great plan. Now what are you going to do?"

"I'm going home."

"Are you off your head? We've got finals next week. Everything's going down the toilet then, and oh yeah, won't that ruin your law school plans if you screw an entire quarter?"

"Then I'll take them now."

# CHAPTER 39

Richard asked Emily to meet him for tea. When she walked into the café, she saw Richard with a short, pretty girl with wavy dark brown hair. "Hi," Emily said as she sat down. The other woman smiled uncomfortably. Two minutes after Emily arrived, she got up and apologized for not being able to stay longer.

"That was weird," Emily said after she left. "What was her name again?"

Richard sipped his coffee. "Sophie."

"Sophie," Emily repeated. "Gorman?"

"Yes."

Emily stared at Richard, waiting for him to say something else. He didn't. "What are you doing?"

"I want to know what Drew told you about her."

"Why don't you tell me what Sophie told you about Drew?"

"It's not that simple. I want to know why Drew told you they broke up."

"Why don't you ask Drew? Why don't you ask Sophie?"

"I'm your friend. I care about you." Emily stiffened. "I think Drew has been lying to you about a number of things, and Sophie's one of them. I can't prove it—"

"Then why bother?" Emily felt tears coming to her eyes. "Did Jessie put you up to this? I thought I made it clear to her. We're friends, and that's the way it's going to stay." She couldn't breathe. "Don't you think I know how I must look? But I didn't think you judged me."

"I don't—" He put his hand on hers, and she yanked it away.

"Forget it. I can take care of myself." Tears were streaming down her face. "Why don't you get your own house in order before you try cleaning up after other people?"

Emily walked out of the café and into the cold, crying the whole way to the library.

# CHAPTER 40

Emily forced herself to work because getting through and out had been so important. But as much as she concentrated, she couldn't stop thinking about how hurt Richard looked. She'd text Jessie later to figure out how to apologize, as soon as she was done being mad at him.

That voice came back on her way home, the one she heard that day on her yoga mat. What are you doing? "I don't know," she answered out loud.

She stopped. She blinked. Joe Welles was standing on her front steps, talking to Drew. Drew was telling a story, maybe coming to the end of it. Joe was smiling but looking off to the side. Emily backed away behind a building so neither would see her.

She peered back and saw them shake hands, Drew cupping his hand over Joe's. Joe laughed, then released him and waved off. Drew smiled then went back upstairs. Joe was heading towards Emily. Now was a good time to go back home.

"Joe!" Emily said two seconds later. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey! Emily!" Joe said after a second. "What are you doing here?"

"I live nearby, just heading home to drop off my books before I hit the library. And you? Oh, let me guess, picking up the flyers, right?" Zainab had told her the week before that Joe had started making flyers for the election, although it wasn't for a month. Zainab had also told her that she had picked them up yesterday.

"You caught me," Joe laughed. "Boy, Zainab keeps you filled in! I couldn't get any of this done without her."

"She's the best. But don't work her too hard, okay?"

"I promise, I won't. But hey, I've got to go. Flyers!"

"Good luck, Mister President!"

She thought she'd try the direct approach with Drew. After kissing him hello and asking about work, she casually mentioned Joe. "Did I see you with Joe just now?"

"Who?"

"Joe Welles. I thought I saw him talking to you as I was coming up the street."

"Oh... Oh! Joe! Yeah, he's great. He was in one of my classes and we were shooting the breeze. How do you know him?"

He didn't remember the party. Okay. "Same thing. A class. What's he been up to?"

"Joe? Oh, you know, out on co-op, keeping up with the parties, the usual here."

Why are they both lying? Maybe Zainab will know. Emily frowned. Of course not.

# CHAPTER 41

Mitch owed Martin his academic career. By Thursday night, he had completed all of his work, due in large part to Martin keeping him supplied with coffee as well as significant help outlining and revising his papers. It was all a blur, but Mitch was pretty sure that Martin skipped some of his classes to help him. Mitch guiltily hoped that Martin could use it as intense prep for his own exams the next week.

Martin made sure he made it onto his plane. Mitch thanked him, boarded his plane, and passed out until it touched down in Boston.

Mitch's parents picked him up. His mother seemed bewildered, but his father raised his eyebrows. "Let's get home," he said through gritted teeth.

Mitch fell asleep in the car and didn't wake up until the next day. At the breakfast table, his mother slid him a bowl of cereal and waited until he was done before she began.

"Do you want to tell us why you left Ireland two weeks early, or do you want us to guess?"

"Liz, cut to the chase," his father barked. "What was her name?"

Mitch pushed the bowl away. "It doesn't matter. It's over."

Mitch's father couldn't speak for a minute. "I did not spend thousands of dollars over your regular tuition to send you across the Atlantic so you could act like you were at summer camp!"

"I made a mistake, Dad. Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Fine, I am. Believe me. But you didn't waste your money. I went to the program and I did what I was supposed to. And maybe a lot of my learning was crammed into three days, but I got it done."

"This is not your goddamned fraternity!" Mitch's father yelled. "You cannot just keep picking up and leaving every time you get tired of something."

"Jake!" Too late. Mitch was on his feet.

"How long should I have stuck it out with those sadists? How long should I have been around a girl who made me sick to my stomach that I never should have been with in the first place?"

"When is anything going to be good enough for you? Nothing is perfect!"

"I'm out of here!"

Mitch found an apartment by the end of the afternoon. It was a small basement studio right near the Brighton/Brookline line, on the Brighton side. He could move in immediately, but it was going to cost him. No problem. He'd already found a buyer for his car and could cover it. Sometimes, he was so lucky.

The next day, he registered for classes. On his way to his new home, he walked past the library and looked up, wondering who was in there.

His father was wrong. Some things were perfect just as they were.

# CHAPTER 42

Emily aced her finals, but it had been her most difficult finals week ever. She didn't like working so close to the line. Something had to change for the next quarter.

Emily hadn't wanted to go out with Drew that day. She was desperate to figure out how she was going to get a job and get in the last of her classes. Thank God, she only needed four now, not the usual five. She'd registered, but she didn't have money for books. She kicked herself for all of the time she'd squandered when she could have been working to make the money she'd need for books. And how was she going to eat? Her funds were running low at this point. She wanted to be home to try and figure something out, but he wouldn't stop until she'd given in. Go, she thought, or explain.

They ate lunch at Legal Seafood—Drew's favorite place to go, even though she could get very little there—and then he wanted to buy her a shirt. "Fine, whatever." She was tired of arguing with him, and she didn't have time. She picked out a shirt without trying it on. She was shocked when she saw him pull out a wad of bills. "Where did you get all that cash?"

Drew grinned. "Didn't I tell you? I got a raise!"

"A raise? On co-op?"

"I am that good. I am so good, in fact, that they asked me to stay on an extra quarter, so we should be flush with cash for another three months. How would you like to celebrate?"

No, she wasn't that stupid. "I think...we need to get dessert."

She was almost done. She just needed a couple of questions answered now.

~~~

Emily called Zainab on Saturday. "Hey!" Zainab answered. "What's up? How were finals?"

"The usual."

"Yeah, me too," Zainab said absently. "Someone at the Key Club is having a party tonight to kick off the spring quarter, and I'm trying to make sure we get as many people from the clubs to show up. What are you...uh, never mind."

"Am I not good enough to make the invite list? The geeks aren't politically active enough?"

"What? No, you can come if you want to. I just didn't think you'd want to."

"I never want to, but you always invite me anyway. What's going on?"

"Well, I saw someone a few days ago. Someone you're not crazy about. And I know Joe invited him."

Mitch was back. Emily felt mad, then almost virtuous because she was entitled to be mad. "Yeah, you're right, I've got plans. And don't bother giving my regards to anyone. They're pretty useless."

"Em—"

"I didn't call about that. I wanted to know..." Deep breath. "Does your offer still stand?"

"My offer?"

"You know, the one you made when you helped me move, and then repeated a bunch of times this quarter?"

"Oh! Oh my God, are you finally leaving Drew?"

"I think so," she said slowly. "There's something I need to do first." She knew Zainab was too distracted to follow up on that. "But I might see you on Monday."

"You know where I am."

# CHAPTER 43

Emily had tried all weekend to get in touch with Richard. She finally asked Jessie, who eagerly told her that he was out of town trying to shore up funding for his solar car and would be back on Sunday night.

"Can you please have him call me?"

"Why? Are you coming to your senses about him finally? I have no idea why you're with Mister Psycho—"

"Jessie! Point taken, believe me. But can you please have Richard call me? It's really important."

Richard called at ten-thirty, when Drew was in the room. He apologized for not calling her back before.

"I'd love to meet you for lunch tomorrow," Emily said as if she were responding to a request. Richard was silent at the other end. "Yeah, the place we met last time is fine."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I love those sandwiches too, but the pastry you got me the last time was really delicious. I think I'm going to try that one again."

"Okay. I'll meet you there at twelve."

"Great! See you then."

Drew was glaring at her when she hung up. "If you need someone to take you out to lunch, you should just say so and I'll give you money. It makes me look bad when you do that to Richard."

"Sorry, babe. You caught me."

~~~

She ran to the café after class the next day. Richard was already there, with a small teapot for her. She sat down and stirred her tea, unable to look at him.

"Was there something you wanted to say to me?" he said finally.

She looked up at Richard's long, thin, serious face. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "You were right, probably, and I was wrong." He didn't say anything. "You were right, and I was wrong. I should have listened to you, but I'm not that bright. Because you're much smarter than I am. And you're much better looking than I am—"

"Alright, alright." He held up his hand. She couldn't tell if he was annoyed or amused. "What's going on?"

"Tell me you accept my apology first."

"What if I'm not ready to?"

"Then you're not Richard, because he isn't petty. He's generous. You're generous. Otherwise you wouldn't have gotten me tea."

"I'm just nice."

"Have it your way." When she looked at him again, he was smiling.

"What's wrong?"

"I think Drew's a liar."

Richard took a big long breath and sat back in his chair. "I think he is too. Actually, I'm sure of it." He leaned forward again. "Alright, tell me what I wanted to know before. What did he tell you about Sophie?"

Emily tried to remember all the details. "He didn't love her, she glommed onto him first week of school, he couldn't leave her...because he felt sorry for her? He was thinking about marriage even though he couldn't stand her... Ugh. Is this a quiz? She's Jewish, she's well-off, she's much prettier than he said she was... They ended it last year over a toothpaste cap."

Richard shook his head. "No. No. Yes, she's Jewish. Yes, her father is well-off. Yes, they got together early on in freshman year, but everything else is wrong."

"How do you know?"

"Sophie was my friend first. I know her through Miranda... Never mind. Long story. She's younger, obviously, but I kept an eye on her when she got here."

"You liked her," Emily said suddenly.

"A long time ago," Richard said. "But Michael ruined that, so nothing ever happened."

"Go on."

"She told me she was seeing this guy. She said he was clingy and possessive and wanted to be everywhere with her. And he liked to talk, but not to her, more like at her. She didn't really like being with him, but she was confused. She hadn't dated anyone seriously in high school, other than me, I suppose, and she thought that was the way it was supposed to be. So she stayed. Rather, he stayed with her in her very nice apartment for over two years."

"At 173 Mass Ave, right? So what happened?"

"I know Drew wasn't telling the truth about how it ended."

"How would you know about that?"

"Sophie had a miscarriage. You have to understand maybe better than anyone... The things she said were so bizarre, I couldn't believe them. She said he thought the baby was his ticket. They'd get married and then he'd be all set. But then she lost the baby and she was extremely depressed. Once she started getting better, Drew was gone."

Emily was afraid if she opened her mouth, she would scream. She looked down at her tea, then looked at him. She found her voice. "If he did this to your friend, why were you friends with him?"

Richard clicked his tongue. "It wasn't that simple. I'd befriended him already, and then he was on the solar car team, sort of. I honestly didn't know if Sophie was telling the truth or if her depression had twisted everything for her." He looked away, like he was remembering something else. "I stayed friends with him because I wanted to be sure. Jessie started repeating some of your conversations about him, and I was starting to hear some familiar things. You're lucky. Sophie lost a lot of her friends once she was with Drew."

Emily couldn't take it all in. "He isn't the Vice President of the Solar Car Team," she blurted out. "Or the president." She remembered now he had said both.

"Hardly. He was never more than a hanger-on."

She knew that. "Tell me about co-op."

"Co-op? I don't think he's even enrolled at the school anymore. I think he ran out of money, and he's been working ever since."

"Working? Didn't you get him a job?"

"No, just the apartment."

Emily blinked. "The apartment?"

"Yes," Richard said slowly. "I got him the apartment when he told me he was having money problems. He's house-sitting for someone. They're not coming back for another three months. I'm not sure how he was going to get something else, or—"

"Oh my God, I am such a clueless idiot." She remembered their conversation on the quad. She'd thought she was so clever, but Drew had been playing along, playing her, letting her play herself. "He's not having money problems. He wants to eat out all the time. He wants to buy me clothes, food, anything."

"I don't know where he's getting the money."

Emily thought about his old roommates and the noises in the apartment the day she moved in. "He was living on campus before? In a dorm?"

"Yes, I went to his dorm a few times."

"Drug dealers?"

"I don't know, but that's what Drew told me. I don't know what I can believe."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I didn't realize until that night after dinner how much you didn't know. I'm sorry."

She couldn't look at him, she was so angry, mostly at herself.

"He didn't rape her."

Emily sat upright. "What are you talking about?"

"Michael didn't rape Jessie," he said with some difficulty. "I walked in before he could."

"Oh, Richard..."

"I'm not saying that makes things any better." He closed his eyes. "She was drunk, Em. I thought he was going to watch her, I didn't think... He's known her since she was a baby. But then... I didn't see either of them, and I knew. She didn't remember anything, so maybe she thinks more happened. I can't blame her if she hates me. I know she does hate me for not kicking him out of my life. But for what it's worth, I hit him that night. I love him like a brother, but I'll kill him if he touches her again. I know—"

"Stop. It's okay," Emily said. Richard looked at her, and after a moment, he smiled. It felt like a thank you.

"What do we do about Drew?" he said at last.

"Do you have a camera?"

The two of them walked to the apartment. "The fireplace," she said. The brick that had looked funny was dirtier than the rest.

He walked over with her and they both knelt. Richard aimed a flashlight he had brought from his car up the shaft.

There it was. A plastic box filled with bottles and a ledger. Emily reached up to grab it, but Richard stopped her. He got two washcloths from the bathroom and wrapped his hands before he pulled it down. "Don't touch anything." He took out his cell phone and took pictures from all angles. Then he opened the top. They could see the names of some of the vials: Oxycodone, Percoset, Rohypnol, and a bunch of other names she had never heard of before.

He closed the box. "I'm taking this away, and then we're leaving. Get packed now, alright?"

Emily headed to the bedroom as Richard walked out the door. She threw all of her clothes, books, and toiletries into her suitcase and backpack.

The rattling that first morning. The ledger in the drawer. Stupid.

She had just brought her bags into the living room when Drew opened the front door.

She stood in front of the fireplace. "Hi, honey. How was work?"

He lunged for the fireplace. He frantically patted his hands inside of it. "What did you do, you stupid little idiot?"

"Where should I start? I met Sophie. I found out about your job. I found out about the apartment. I found out you haven't told me the truth about anything. And I took your drugs."

He shook her by the shoulders. Her head just barely missed hitting the wall. "Get off of me!" she screamed, digging her nails into his arms. The smell of his sweat, which had bothered her before, now disgusted her.

"I'll kill you, you little bitch!"

The next thing she heard was Richard kicking in the door. He pushed Drew away and pulled Emily to him.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Drew cried. "I'm dead now!"

"Then you'd better leave," Richard said calmly. "I'm giving you two days. If you aren't out of here by Wednesday, I'm going to the police. Think about it." Never taking his eyes off Drew, Richard picked up Emily's bags and led her out.

Emily didn't believe the sharp air, didn't believe the car was running, didn't believe they were driving. Richard put his hand on her head. "I think I should take you to the hospital."

"No," she shook her head slowly. "No hospital."

"You might have a concussion."

"My head. I didn't hit my head."

"But he was shaking you like a ragdoll. I ought to send him to jail just for that."

"I don't care," she said, ready to be sick. "He's gone. I'm gone. It's over."

"Where do you want me to take you?"

"What did you do with them?"

"I put them in one of the safest places in Boston. No one will find them unless I take them there."

Emily nodded. "Take me to Zainab's."

He stopped in front of Zainab's apartment ten minutes later and helped her with her bags.

Richard touched her face. "Are you going to be okay here? Because if you're not, you can come home with me and I'll call a doctor and get a nurse and have someone look after you until you are."

Emily blinked back her tears. "I'm gonna be okay."

He pulled her into a hug, and Emily wanted to melt into his chest. "I'm calling you tomorrow and checking up on you. Don't say no, because Jessie will never forgive me."

"Jessie... You can't tell her about this right now, alright? She'll do something stupid." A tear streamed down her face. He wiped it away.

"Whatever you want, my dear."

"Phone call is good."

Emily wiped away the rest of her tears as Richard drove away. She buzzed Zainab's door. She had to buzz three times before Zainab buzzed back. Emily made it up the stairs. She knocked on the door. After a moment, Zainab opened it.

"You're here," Zainab said. She moved out of the way as Emily brought her bags in.

"Go ahead, Z." She was so tired. "You told me so, and I'm an idiot because I didn't listen. The only consolation is that it was so much worse than you could have thought."

Zainab sat down. "You're not an idiot."

"Well, now you've got a roommate, and maybe someday, I'll even be able to pay you rent." Emily laughed, but Zainab didn't move. Emily held her breath. "Zainab, if you don't want me to stay anymore, it's fine—"

"No." Zainab looked up at Emily. She was crying. "Please stay."

Emily wouldn't have known who Drew was if she saw him. She knelt next to Zainab. "Honey, what's wrong?"

Zainab shook her head. "I'm the one who's stupid."

The hair on the back of Emily's neck stood up. "What happened?"

"I was talking to everyone, and Joe got me a drink. And that's the last thing I remember before..." Her lip trembled. "I woke up. I was bleeding. There was a used condom on the floor. It hurt to move. I didn't know where I was. I...I put my clothes back on and went outside. Someone said Joe had left a while ago, and it was three in the morning. There weren't any buses or trains, so I had to walk home. It was cold."

Zainab sobbed. "He put something in my drink. I know. My head hurt all yesterday and today. I couldn't leave the house. I didn't want to leave." Emily put her hand on Zainab's back, and Zainab cried harder. "I took a shower. I know I shouldn't have, but I had to. I couldn't be dirty like that. And the drugs are out of my system now. It's all gone. I was so stupid. But no one would have believed me anyway, because everyone knows I've had a crush on him for so long. You believe me, Em, don't you?"

"Zainab..." Emily never had to think so fast in her life. She would not say anything to make this worse. "Of course I do. I'll leave with you. I'll take you-"

"No!" Zainab shrieked between her sobs. "I can't tell the police! They won't believe me!" Emily wanted to say that of course they would, but as Zainab's face contorted with tears, she knew there was no way she'd convince her of that.

She held Zainab and willed herself not to cry. She thought for a moment about the handshake between Joe and Drew, then thought for a second that she was wrong, but she knew she wasn't wrong.

She had to do something. "Everything is going to be okay," she heard herself say. "I promise you. But you have to lie down now, alright? You need to sleep."

Zainab sniffled and wiped her nose. "I don't want to sleep."

"You have to rest. I've got to go out to get something, but then I'm coming right back. You have to trust me. But you need to rest."

Zainab let Emily put her into bed. Emily didn't leave until she was sure that Zainab was asleep. She got on the train and waited.

# CHAPTER 44

She got to the university and marched into the SGC offices. "Is Joe here?" she asked one of the girls. "I need to talk to him about the canvassing."

"Yeah, he's in the back office," the girl said as she neatly stacked Joe's flyers.

She walked into the back office. Joe was on the phone, his back turned. "Hey, Joe." He held up a finger, not looking to see who it was. After a minute, he hung up and turned around.

Emily didn't realize what she was doing until her fist made contact with his jaw. He nearly fell off the chair. "What the hell?" he shouted, spitting out blood.

Emily leaned over him, balancing herself on the desk. "Ask me why, motherfucker. I'll tell you." She heard people pile into the doorway. "I'll tell them too."

"I think someone should call campus police," one of the younger girls said in a frightened voice.

"That's a great idea," Emily whispered. "Because I'll tell them too."

"Guys, it's fine," Joe said quickly, waving them off. "Just a little disagreement." They waited a moment, but then most of them left. Emily stared down the two who remained until they were gone. She heard someone on the phone.

"You can't prove anything," he hissed as soon as they were alone.

"You don't think so? Then call the police." She leaned in again. "Call the papers, the student groups. Maybe you'll get the sympathy vote because someone sucker punched you. Except that could go really badly for you. Because sometimes you don't have to prove something, you just have to make enough people think it might be true. That's, what, like criminal law versus civil law? Maybe you won't get your punk ass thrown in jail, but you'll never be president of anything."

"You can't prove anything, and I'll sue you for libel!"

"Oh my God, you are stupid. That's if I put it in print. And I won't. I'll just make sure someone uses those words. And no matter what it's called, I've got enough proof to bury you in hell."

"Yeah? You think?" Joe wiped the blood off his mouth. "Because I've got about a hundred people who can tell you that Zainab drank like a fish any time she was at a party, and another hundred who will tell you she's all over me. That's why Zainab hasn't done anything."

She had always known he was a reptile. "Yep, you called it. Zainab drinks, and she was so into you. You could have had her months ago. But you needed to do it with a little insurance, didn't you? Why is that?" He didn't say anything. "You are one sick little monkey, aren't you?"

"Zainab isn't going to do anything." Joe stood up. "You've got nothing."

"Are you really such an idiot? God, how did you get this far? I know about the drugs, asshole. I've got your dealer."

"What dealer?" His smile was so smug, she wanted to slap it off.

"You're not cute. Remember when you got them? I was there. It was the day you weren't picking up flyers." Joe's eyes darted back and forth, then they stopped wide-eyed.

"That could have been anything."

"Remember the name of the guy you bought them from? Drew. Drew Strand. Maybe he inherited you from your old dealers, maybe you just asked around. It doesn't matter. I know who it was."

"So what?" His face was next to hers. There was nothing charming about him up close. "I am nothing compared to the rest of his clients. I don't think he'll even remember me, and I didn't pay with a credit card."

Emily pushed him away, ready to hit him again. "You don't get it. I've got the dealer. I've got his drugs. And you're probably right. There must have been bigger buyers, because you should see his stash. He could go to jail until he's forty with what I've got. But I only have eyes for you. I will make everything else go away if he gives you to me. And if you're going to say that still might not be enough to send you away, you're probably right again. But it would be enough to ruin you for a while." She moved closer. "How long do you think it will take me?"

He sat on the desk, looking down at the floor. He looked back up. "What do you want?"

"I want you to go away. I don't ever want to see your face again. In fact, I don't think I ever want to hear your name again."

He laughed. "Do you know how hard I've worked? Do you think I'm going to let you take all that away?"

"I know how hard Zainab worked. That's why it's so perfect. I mean it. I so much as read your name in a newspaper twenty years from now for a traffic violation, and you're mine. Do you understand me?" Nothing. "Drew Strand. Pill after pill. My friend who had to walk home bleeding. Do you understand?"

He leaped up. "Yes!" She didn't move. "Just get out!"

"Happily, you piece of garbage."

Everyone was staring at her as she walked to the exit. She wondered how many of them had been at the party. She wondered how many of them knew Zainab. She wondered how they were able to sleep.

"Emily!"

She stopped. The green eyes and the perfect smile were standing in the doorway. At Christmas, she would have been happy to see him, or any time she'd walked by the reflecting pool. Or been in the library. Or any time before right now.

But this was now. "What are you doing here?"

He was smiling like he had a right to be happy to see her. "Someone called. They said someone hit Joe."

"You're such a good friend. What a shame you couldn't have been there on Saturday."

"Saturday? Were you there? I'm-I'm sorry, I was moving the last of my things—"

She felt the blood rush to her feet. "If I had known you weren't going to go, I would have gone." She took a deep breath to steady herself and stood up as tall as she could. "Leave me alone." She pushed past him and walked to the stairs, but once she was out of sight, she had to walk down very slowly for fear that she might fall.

~~~

Mitch was about to follow Emily when one of the younger girls pulled him by his arm. "He's in there, and that crazy girl is the one who hit him!"

"What?!"

He found Joe cursing while he moved papers onto a chair. There was blood on his mouth and sweater.

He planted his feet. "What did you do to Emily?"

"What did I do to her?" Joe asked incredulously. "That crazy bitch! I didn't touch her."

"Don't call her a bitch."

"Don't tell me you've got a thing for her! She's a nutjob."

Mitch knew she wasn't. "Why did she punch you?"

"Just leave it."

Saturday. "What did you do?" He hadn't gone, and Emily hadn't either. But Zainab must have. "What did you do to Zainab?"

"Nothing she hasn't been begging for!"

"Did you force yourself on her?"

"Hey, I didn't have to. I just gave her something to make it easier to get along. It wouldn't be a big deal, except that little bitch found the guy who gave me the stuff— Hey!"

Mitch pulled Joe up by the collar. "I should kill you for what you did, but that's going to make sending you to prison harder. If you want to stay in one piece 'til then, shut up." He pushed Joe away from him and ran out and down the stairs, praying he could catch Emily.

~~~

Emily took almost three minutes to get out the front door of the building. She thought she might fall down the stairs to the quad, but she made it. She didn't know how she'd put one foot in front of the other to get to the train, but she'd make it. She had to get back to Zainab.

"Emily!" She turned to the side and saw Richard leaving the Kay Building. He was with Jordan and Vijay. She meant to wave, but she couldn't lift her hand.

Richard ran over to her, turning white. "Did Drew find you? Are you alright?"

"He raped my friend," she said. Richard caught her before her legs gave out from under her and moved her to a bench.

"Drew raped your friend?"

"He sold drugs to someone who did." She started sobbing. "It's all my fault. I was trying to be smart. I should have told Zainab what I saw. I didn't know what it was, but I would have if I'd thought about it. I should have gone to the party, but I wanted to talk to you first before I did anything. That was stupid. I should have just left. I should have listened to you and Jessie and Zainab. It's all my fault."

"Emily, please come back to my house. I'll take care of you."

"I have to go back to Zainab. I promised I wouldn't leave her alone."

"Then I'll drive you back. Come on."

~~~

Mitch got down in time to see Emily collapse on the bench and into the man's arms. He watched her walk away with him a minute later as if he was watching his life leave without him.

# CHAPTER 45

Emily did not have the books for her classes. She went to the library, taking notes off of the copies of the textbooks she couldn't afford. She read fast, but she was worried that one day, someone else was going to have a book when she needed it. So she worked even faster.

She didn't stay late. She made sure that she was around to take Zainab home. Zainab never asked her to, but Emily knew she didn't want to be alone. She worked through the few books that she could check out of the library. It was comforting to work while she made sure Zainab slept through the night.

A few weeks into the spring quarter, Zainab finally agreed to get counseling at the health center. Emily made the appointments and walked Zainab to the center on those days.

On one such day, she was standing in front of the building after Zainab had gone in. She felt a gentle tap on her shoulder and turned around. "Professor Hazlett!"

"Emily! How have you been?"

Emily hadn't meant to, but she started crying. She came up for air long enough to mention not having money for books and her best friend being drugged and attacked, then cried again. Professor Hazlett put her arm around her and hugged her as she cried.

After she'd wiped Emily's eyes, Professor Hazlett took her to the faculty center, bought her lunch, and made her tell her the whole story from the beginning. She nodded when Emily was done. Emily was ashamed to have someone she respected see her like this, but she couldn't pretend any longer.

"I'm so sorry," Professor Hazlett said. "I had no idea you'd date him."

"Why?"

"Because he's boring. There is nothing worse than the student who thinks he knows everything, because then he refuses to believe he has anything to learn. You ask questions. Good ones."

"I loved your class," Emily said shyly. "You should have seen me when I was ten. I was obsessed with Greek and Roman and even Norse mythology. When you brought out all of the mythological references of the Renaissance plays—" She knew how foolish she must have sounded, but she didn't care. "I could have taken your class all year."

Professor Hazlett pulled her chin back. "So...you don't have money for books? I wish I could say that's the first time I heard this, but at least you found something out of the library. And you're graduating this quarter?"

"If I don't fail out of my classes, I will."

"Mmhmm." She thought for a moment. "Can you come to my office tomorrow at one?"

"I have a class then."

Professor Hazlett smiled. "I don't think that will be a problem."

Dutifully, Emily showed up at twelve-forty-five the next day. Professor Hazlett opened the door with a smile. "I think I have the answer to both of our problems."

Emily had never had a fairy godmother before, but there was Professor Hazlett was, waving her wand and making her problems disappear. She needed a research assistant, but as a fluke, none of the graduate pool had chosen her class. So she had leeway to hire an undergraduate, and the funding was such that she could choose from a wide array of students, not just those eligible for work-study.

Emily grinned. "So then it doesn't matter that I don't qualify for work study or any need-based aid?"

"Congratulations, my dear. No FAFSA required for this position."

"So this isn't a university job?"

"It's a quasi-university job. You'll be doing work for me, and I'm doing it for the university."

"Who's funding the position?"

Professor Hazlett's face changed. "Someone who owes me something."

"Is it some kind of cigarette company?" Emily held her breath as she waited for the answer.

The older woman laughed. "No, nothing like that."

The pay for twenty hours of research per week popped Emily's eyes out.

It got better. Professor Hazlett's research on the myth of Persephone was behind, so she needed to begin work immediately and her assistant needed a flexible schedule to accommodate the overtime. As such, she was able to arrange for Emily to drop all her current classes and substitute them with independent studies in those departments.

This might have been a dream come true, only Emily hadn't dared dream it.

She smiled for the first time in weeks. "Thank you so much! But why are you doing this for me?"

"You're not the first brilliant young person who needed a hand, but you're the first one I can give it to." She patted her shoulder. "Hopefully you'll be able to give someone a hand later on yourself."

"You won't regret this."

"I know. Now get out of here and do something fun before you start work tomorrow."

Emily felt as if she were floating on air. She was figuring out what to do to celebrate when Richard called.

"What are you doing tonight?" Emily asked.

"Uh, not sure. What are you doing tonight?"

"Celebrating! I've got a job!" She told him the whole story very fast.

"That's great!" he said when she was done. "Sure, let's celebrate. But, sorry, did you say Joanna Hazlett?"

"I think I just said Hazlett. Do you know her?"

"I think I've taken a class with her, maybe when I was a freshman, before time began. Yes, of course I'll celebrate with you. What should we do?"

"Well, I'm going to call Zainab and see if she'll be happy enough about this that she'll come out with us. Otherwise, I guess I'm cooking dinner at our place."

"You're cooking? Why didn't you say so?"

Emily tracked Zainab down and waited for her outside of class. "I've got a job!" she shrieked as soon as Zainab walked out. The two of them hugged and jumped up and down. "And we're celebrating tonight."

"Of course, whatever you want to do." Zainab was trying to be brave, but Emily wouldn't force her out if she wasn't ready.

"How about we just meet Richard at Whole Foods, and then drive back to our place?"

"I finally get to meet the Richard? Let's do it!"

Emily and Zainab were in the pasta aisle, bickering about tomato sauce, when Richard found them at six. "Emily, do you have to argue about everything?"

"Only when I'm in a good mood." She gave Richard a hug, then introduced him to Zainab. Zainab's eyes widened a little bit when she saw him, and Emily thought she blushed. Emily started to giggle, but then saw that Richard was holding her hand just a bit longer than he needed to. Emily looked down at the ground, not sure if she needed to say anything.

"So you're Richard."

"Excuse me? I mean, yes, I'm Richard. And you must be Zainab."

"That is what Emily said just now."

"She did? Right." He was still holding her hand. Emily looked up at the cans on the top shelf. They didn't notice.

"Wow, you know what? I can't handle this pasta decision. You guys take care of it, just make sure it doesn't have any meat and that it's not spaghetti. I'm gonna go get some salad fixings. Yep, that's what I'm gonna do."

Emily sped off. This was the best day of her life.

Dinner was moved to Richard's house. As far as Emily was concerned, she might as well not have been there for all the conversation she participated in. After everyone ate, she cleared the table and called Jessie from the kitchen. "Sorry, dude. I think Richard has found someone to replace me."

"No way! Who?"

"Zainab."

"Is that a good idea?"

Emily peeked at them through the crack in the door. Richard was more animated than she'd ever seen him, and Zainab was laughing. Finally. "Yeah, it's a great idea."

It was ten-thirty before they both heard Emily's loud, exaggerated yawn. They talked in the car the whole way home while Emily looked out the window, trying not to listen to them.

"So we can have lunch tomorrow?" Richard asked Zainab as they parked.

"Sure. Call me and tell me where."

Emily looked off to the side. "Um, good night," she said as she got out of the car.

Zainab walked into the apartment fifteen minutes later. She was grinning from ear to ear. Yep, best day of Emily's life.

# CHAPTER 46

The next few weeks got better and better. She wasn't able to pay Zainab too much in rent, but Emily more than made up for it with cleaning and cooking. In the month that she'd been there, Emily had scrubbed every inch of the apartment. Even better, she was happy to use her skills in the kitchen. After spending so long being relegated to beans and rice and Drew's yucky spaghetti, she was excited to finally have the money to buy slightly more expensive ingredients and have a little fun in the kitchen. So she was horrified to realize that dairy did not agree with her anymore. In fact, it came close to making her violently ill. Eggs weren't much better. After getting the same result day after day, she finally bit the bullet and bought a vegan cookbook, which introduced her to the wonderful world of seitan and advanced tofu wizardry. She felt not only better but creative and clever. Zainab thought her vegan fare was delicious, as did Richard, who found reasons to drop by, particularly around dinnertime or even breakfast on the weekend. That was fine with Emily, although she wondered if she was ever going to have a conversation with either of them again.

Try as she might, Emily couldn't make Zainab's couch work. Finally, she broke down and made her way to the Korean store in Brookline to buy a Korean bed. (Richard and Zainab were happy to tag along when she explained that she was also going to buy some groceries.) Ah, much better. But because her back was still a little twitchy, she treated herself to two exercise DVDs, one for yoga and one for Pilates. After two weeks, she felt fit, toned, and finally in control of her life. Just as it should be.

All of it was made possible by the job she loved. Every morning, she and Zainab would get off at Copley and walk to school for fifteen minutes. Then they'd part company in the quad, Zainab heading off to class or, occasionally, the student center if Richard was there with his solar car team, and Emily to the library. Most days, she was able to use one of the grad student rooms. There she could note and research the myth of Persephone and all of its variations and origins to her heart's content. When the work for the day was done, she would then move onto one of her independent assignments, which was more of the same as far as the amount of research and writing. It was possibly more work than she had ever done in her life, but she loved every minute of it. She'd break to eat lunch or, a few times a week, meet with one of the professors overseeing her independent studies, but mostly she had to be dragged out of the library at seven by Richard and/or Zainab. Though Richard always offered her a ride home, most of the time she begged off for the exercise, leaving Zainab Richard's sole passenger. Damned if Emily didn't usually beat Zainab home by almost an hour.

~~~

Emily loved the idea of Zainab and Richard. Every time she saw them holding hands or kissing, she turned away. She didn't want them to see her goofy smile. It was nice to see something good.

But...there were times when she could not forget that day. She'd told Richard everything. So Richard knew. Did Zainab know he knew? Did she tell him?

What really concerned her...well, if Richard knew, he'd be a nice guy, wouldn't he? Because he was Jessie's cousin and Miranda's friend, he was her friend, he wouldn't do anything he shouldn't, right?

Right?

Of course it wasn't Emily's business. Zainab was a big girl. Wasn't it condescending that she should worry like that? Shouldn't Zainab be allowed to make her own decisions? Wasn't worrying acting like it was Zainab's fault?

To hell with it, she thought as she sent Richard the text.

Emily had a latte ready for him when he arrived at the café. He smiled. "Cheers! And to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"It's been a while since we talked. Alone."

Richard nodded as he sipped the latte. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Nothing...in particular. I just wanted to make sure...that everything was okay."

He put his drink down. "Was there something you wanted to say to me?"

"Well...yes. I think. I just wanted to know, um, how things were with you and Zainab."

"Things?"

"Uh huh." She smiled widely. "Things. In general."

"I'm pretty fond of her."

"Of course. Because she's so wonderful."

"Mm hmm."

"And you're wonderful. Because you care so much. About everyone. And you try to do the right thing."

"And the right thing in this case would be..."

"Oh, I don't know. You know, the nice guy thing."

Richard nodded. Emily was pretty sure he was trying not to laugh. "And do you want to make sure that I'm being a, um, nice guy?"

A bunch of images of Zainab and Richard flashed through her mind. She shook her head to make them go away. "Ugh. No. I mean, yes. I mean, I know you're a nice guy. I just want to make sure that...you, um..."

"That I what?"

"Oh, Jesus. I think you know what I'm trying to say."

"Is there a reason you don't want to say it?"

"Are you trying to get me to say that it's none of my business?"

"Is it?"

"It sort of is." He leaned back, and she leaned forward. "She's my best friend."

"I know."

"And I don't want to see anything happen to her."

"I haven't forgotten anything."

She looked away. "Great."

"And she told me."

She closed her eyes and exhaled. "Good." But. "What did you tell her?"

"She knows I knew. She figured you must have told me before we met."

Emily bit her lip. "She's not mad?"

"Of course not."

Of course she wouldn't be. "What else did you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her anything that might endanger her."

She sighed. "Thank you. I don't want her to take on any more than she already did."

He leaned in and patted her head. "Me neither." He picked up his latte. "So was that all?"

She laughed. "No. I've been dying to ask you why you're not pursuing hybrid instead of solar."

He shook his head. "Do we want to stop using oil or not?"

~~~

A few days later, Emily was walking through the quad on her lunch break and heard someone say her name. She turned around and saw Miranda. "It is you!" Miranda exclaimed as she hugged Emily.

Emily hugged her back. "I didn't know you went to school here."

Miranda grinned. "I'm just back from co-op, which was really just an excuse to visit Israel. What have you been up to?"

"You mean Jessie and Richard didn't tell you everything?"

"Richard never says anything unless you ask him really specific questions, and Jessie exaggerates all the time."

"In this case, if she said I was an idiot, she was right."

"If you were with the guy I think you were with, you weren't the first one he snowed. Sophie and I were best friends for a couple of years before that. But then—"

"Michael ruined it."

"How did you know that?"

"Richard. And it's also a good guess."

"I think we were both hoping we could reconnect with her here, but then she was with Drew."

"I hope you guys reached out to her afterward." Emily couldn't stand the thought that someone had been with Drew and didn't have someone there to catch her afterward.

Miranda shrugged. "I tried, but I think being with Drew made her even more spooked about...everything."

"I'm so sorry. Losing a friend is much worse than losing a boyfriend."

Miranda sighed. "Enough about that. What's this about Richard and your friend Zainab? That can't possibly be true."

Emily laughed. "Oh, it's true. They've been inseparable for about three weeks now."

Miranda put her hand on her heart. "Who'd have thought Richard would fall in love at first sight?"

"It's nice to know that exists."

"Never happened to you?"

"It sort of did, but I didn't even get to the week mark, much less three weeks." She thought about the last time she saw Mitch and pushed away any regret. "It's better that way. He wasn't what I thought he was."

"So why bring him up?"

"Because I thought he was everything I'd ever wanted. If nothing else, Mitchell Graham talks a really good game. Best part of his schtick is that he makes it looks like he means it."

Miranda blinked. "Oh my God, you're Emily."

Emily blinked, looked to the side, then raised her eyebrows. "Thank you...for noticing. I thought we had that established at Christmas, but I guess it's sort of a common name—"

"No! You're Emily. You're Mitch's Emily."

She stopped breathing. "How do you know him?"

"The Hillel." Miranda smiled. "And the student center. Wherever he's been when he needed to cry over you."

She knew she was blushing. "Next time you see him, tell him not to bother."

"Well, not exactly crying—male pride thing—but he's been pretty miserable."

"Yes." Emily nodded. "He is miserable."

"Oh no, don't say that!" Miranda said quickly. "I know he was a jerk with that Kyra person, but he knew it was a mistake even then. He just—"

"Couldn't help himself because she was some kind of sex goddess, right?"

"What? No! I mean, I never met her, but that wasn't what was going on."

The best way to keep from crying right then was to smirk. "I'm sure that never went on. Ever."

"That isn't what I meant—"

Emily took a deep breath and forced herself to smile. "Miranda, I think you're a nice person, despite what Jessie says, or maybe because of it. But I cannot talk to you about...him. I don't talk to Zainab about him. I don't want to talk about him at all. I want to pretend he doesn't exist and forget I ever met him. Okay? Because...I just can't."

Emily couldn't tell if Miranda was disappointed, upset, or offended. It looked for a moment like she was all three. After a moment, she smiled and put her hand on Emily's. "Of course, I didn't mean to upset you. I hope you're not mad."

"I'm not." She sighed and leaned back against the building. "I just... things finally feel good. I don't want to go back to the rest of it."

Miranda leaned next to her. "I know what it's like when someone really gets to you."

Emily stifled her desire to protest Mitch's importance. "Yeah? What's his name?"

Miranda looked down. "I'd rather not say."

"Anyone I know? Anyone Jessie knows? Richard?"

Miranda sighed. "Yes. And they sort of... No, they definitely know. And they don't approve."

Emily tapped Miranda's shoulder lightly with the back of her fist. "You know, sometimes it's good to listen to your friends."

Miranda looked up and smiled. "So if Zainab and I like Mitch—"

"Oh, shut up!" Emily pushed herself off the wall.

Miranda laughed. "Come on, I'll walk you to class."

"I don't have class, I have library."

"Then aren't you lucky I'm here? I have class enough for us both."

"Oh, God."

# CHAPTER 47

Mitch finally met Zainab at Princess Cappuccino. He hugged her tight before either could say a word. "Are you okay?"

Zainab smiled and squeezed his arm. "I'm fine. I'm being well taken care of."

"Where have you been? I've come in here a lot, and the student center, but you're never around."

"I was a little afraid," Zainab said softly. "But I'm not anymore. Now I'm just in classes, hanging out with my friends in smaller doses, eating a lot, and living life." She took a deep breath. "Listen, it's really sweet of you to check up on me, but you don't have to—"

"Hey, you're my friend." He rubbed her back. "I'm not just checking up on you. I want to see how you are because I like you. I'm sorry we haven't spent more time together, and I want to change that."

Zainab smiled. "I'd like that. Especially since we didn't part on the best of terms."

Mitch was confused, then laughed when he remembered. "I really deserved it. You're a good friend, to everyone." He was silent for a moment. "Yeah, you earned her loyalty."

"Huh?"

"You know... Emily." He wasn't sure if it was okay to say her name in Zainab's presence.

"How do you know about Emily?"

"What do you mean? I saw it. Well, I saw after the fact, but it didn't take a lot of imagination to figure out what happened."

"You saw her move in with me?"

"She's living with you? How long has she been living with you?"

"No. Back up. What are you talking about?"

"Me— What? I was talking about when Emily punched that loser in the face."

"Which loser?" Zainab's eyes widened. "Emily punched Joe?"

"Um, yeah." It dawned on Mitch that he shouldn't have brought that up.

"When?"

"I don't— It was maybe right at the very beginning of the quarter, maybe a little bit before."

Zainab looked like she was remembering something. "How do you know she punched him?"

"Because I saw him. And she must have punched him pretty well, because—"

"Because then Joe disappeared."

"Good riddance, he was scum." He thought he shouldn't mention that he went to the police and they couldn't find him either. Mitch clenched his jaw. "Zainab, don't be mad at her. I mean, I know you must have been worse off, but she looked like...she was going to kill someone. It was scary."

Zainab exhaled. "Yeah, I know that look."

"How is she?" He couldn't help himself.

"Well. Now. Why do you ask? Aren't you with—"

"My big mistake?" Mitch shook his head in disgust. "I just needed to get kicked around a little before I came to my senses." He looked down. "I'm not proud of myself. I know I hurt her."

"I guess it was just bad timing," she said after a moment.

"Yeah, story of my life because she's with someone now, right?"

Now it was Zainab's turn to laugh. "No. I would say that as bad as you might feel about your ex, Emily feels ten times worse about hers. And she should. He treated her like a toy. She won't talk about how it ended, but Richard has some idea of what happened. He's dropped a couple of hints, and it makes me wish that, well, I'd punched him too when I had the chance."

"What did he do?"

"Richard said something about shaking her. Really shaking her, as in, she should have gone to the emergency room." Mitch clenched his fist under the table. "And then there was some awful dinner party at Richard's house with Jessie, and not letting her leave the apartment once. And don't get me started on the library. He was a bully and a coward." Zainab shuddered. "Here's to everyone making better choices the next time around."

"Sounds like you already have. Who's Richard?"

Zainab brightened up. "He's great. I don't know where this is going, but it's nice, it's fun, it's happy. And, oh yeah, he's smart and handsome."

"What's he like?"

Mitch's smile faded as Zainab described Richard. "You don't approve?" she said when she was done.

"Oh, no. Sorry, I'm a poor judge, I guess." He looked at the ground, trying not to remember the day he saw Emily with what must have been Richard in the quad. "So...Emily isn't with anyone now?"

"No," Zainab said slowly. "And neither are you, I guess."

"But?" Mitch asked.

"But I don't know if it's a good idea. Emily is still... I love her, but you don't spend months with someone who keeps you locked up like that and not change. She may not be the person you remember."

"And?"

"And I don't know if you deserve her."

Mitch raised his eyebrow. "Then I'll just have to prove that I do."

# CHAPTER 48

Emily hadn't been at the library for more than an hour when Miranda started texting her.

You should really talk to him.

Emily texted back, I don't have anything to say.

Really? That was all one-sided on his part?

It was as soon as he blew me off. Now leave me alone, I'm working.

Miranda sent another text an hour later.

I know he'd love a chance to talk to you again.

Did you say something to him?

No, I don't have to. I know he would.

Since you're so in tune with him, you talk to him. Or whatever else you want to do with him.

I told you, there's someone else.

Then text him!

Emily turned off her phone until she left the library five hours later. She could have left two hours earlier if she hadn't been so distracted.

She was surprised when she came home to find Zainab and Richard there. "Hey!" She smiled. "What am I making for dinner?"

Richard grinned. "I haven't been able to get over that Korean black bean thing—"

"Hey!" Zainab frowned.

"If she's taking suggestions—" Richard protested.

Zainab shook her head. "Anyway...guess who I saw today?"

"Oh, is that what Miranda did after I turned off my phone?"

Richard knit his brow. "Huh?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "She figured out that she knew some...jerk I used to know. Never mind."

"I didn't see Miranda," Zainab said softly.

Emily looked at Zainab. She blinked after a moment then nodded. "Yeah, that Korean dish is called jajeung myun. I might have enough black bean paste left." Emily turned and went into the kitchen.

Zainab came in as she was gathering the potatoes and onions. "So you're not going to ask?"

"If you want to be friends with him, that's fine. You don't have to tell me every time you see him. In fact, don't."

"I think I should if he wants to spend a lot of time talking about you."

Emily started chopping the onions because she was worried she'd hurt herself peeling the potatoes. "Actually, it's fine. You have my permission to talk about me as much as you want as long as I don't have to hear about it."

"If I said he really wants to see you, would you care a little bit?"

"No."

"You don't have anything you want to say to him?"

"I do, but I'm trying to be a better person and not use those words as much."

"You don't think you'd feel better if you saw him?"

Emily put the onions in a bowl then grabbed five cloves of garlic. "Let me see," she said as she smashed one of the cloves. "How would that conversation go? Let me give you a little bit of closure, okay? The reason I didn't think you were worth even sending a text to was because you didn't put out. Or she was prettier. Or older. Or smarter. Or I just had more chemistry with her. It's not about you, babe. It's just me. I hope you don't still feel bad about it like a sixth grader." She smashed another clove.

"I don't think that's what he wants to say," Zainab said carefully.

"It doesn't matter," she muttered. "Because whatever he says, what he wants to hear at the end is, 'that's okay, you didn't do anything wrong. You can go back to whatever you used to be.'"

"So you want him to feel guilty?"

Another clove smashed. "I don't want anything that has anything to do with him. But if he thinks we're going to meet and I'm going to sit through something that sounds anything at all like 'so let's be friends,' no. I don't owe him anything."

"But what about you?"

It was time to take a chance on the potatoes. "What about me?"

"Don't you want to say some things?"

"No. They don't need to be said. Maybe the next time you, or Miranda, talk to him you can tell him that and then start talking about something else."

Richard popped his head in and awkwardly waved. "Do you two need me to leave?"

Emily looked at the bowl of vegetables then looked at him. "And what would you like me to do with all of these potatoes and onions then? Oh no. You two are going to go to the living room, hold hands, be syrupy, and I'm going to make this. Got it?"

Zainab shrugged. "Fine."

Richard took her hand. "You know, none of that sounded bad to me."

Emily looked down at the cutting board and smiled. Knowing that they were happy was enough.

~~~

Emily wouldn't have been able to do anything the next day if she hadn't stumbled on the story of Zagreus that morning. It was an alternate myth of Persephone, Zeus, and Dionysus that, as far as she was concerned, highlighted the implosion of power and family dynamics inherent in the standard myth. Really, who liked to read about incest, child sacrifice, and dismemberment? Well, there were some, she thought as she wrinkled her nose, but this was better than stewing about Zainab, Miranda, and...never mind. She turned off her phone just to make sure she wouldn't be distracted.

She turned her phone on as she walked through the quad on her way to eat. Of course Miranda had tried to call her three times. Emily gritted her teeth. It must be nice to not have to worry about getting anything done and have all this time to...

"Emily?"

She stopped walking. Oh, that deep voice. Her hands started to sweat. She shook them and took another step.

"Emily!" He was closer. She heard footsteps. He was right behind her.

She turned around. Green eyes, olive skin, gorgeous wavy hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. "What is it?"

He parted his lips. Okay, fine, perfect teeth. "I was hoping we could talk."

"Oh, really? Gee, getting Zainab and Miranda to harass me about it for the last two days didn't give that away."

He pulled back. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, please. Don't pretend that you didn't put Miranda up to calling me about you—twenty times! Or that you didn't ask Zainab to talk to me about you."

"I swear, I—"

"No, don't!" She knew she was shouting, but she couldn't stop. "Don't swear anything. Don't promise anything. You only get one chance to lie to me, and you've already used it."

"I know, that's what I-"

"No, just don't! You want to play hero with the fraternity? Enjoy. You want to get schmoozed by SGC and Joe Welles? You're perfect for it. You go do all of that, but don't think that any of that makes you a good person who gets a pass for wanting an easy screw in Ireland."

He turned purple. "I'm sorry."

"I bet. I bet you were just filled with remorse as soon as she dumped you."

"I ended it."

"Oh. My mistake. I guess I'm not the only one who outlived her usefulness with you."

"That's not what happened!"

"Oh. Oh! Let me guess. She cheated on you?" Silence. "Oh. And did that you make you contemplate karma, the law of cause and effect, the Golden Rule or whatever BS? Is that it? You want some redemption so you can move on with a clean slate?"

"Emily—"

She snapped her fingers. "Then this is your lucky day! Today, I'm running a free special on blank slates. It was nothing, okay? You were just some guy who said things he didn't mean but didn't actually, you know, do anything. And I am just a little girl who takes things way too literally. Okay? It was nothing, and neither of us has to think about each other again. Ever."

"I am—"

"You are done! Tell Zainab and Miranda to stop trying to make me do something as if I'm the one who did anything wrong. And if you're such a good friend, do a better job taking care of them and stop worrying about me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I would have gone to that stupid party with Zainab if I had thought you—" She pointed at him. "—were going to stay home!"

His jaw dropped, and he looked down at her. "Are you talking about Joe?"

She was nauseous. "I am not talking about anything. Just leave me alone!" She turned back and ran to the library. It wasn't like she'd be able to eat lunch now anyway.

# CHAPTER 49

Emily got texts from Zainab and Miranda within half an hour. She didn't bother opening them. Then the phone rang. It was Miranda. Ignore. Miranda twice more. Ignore. Then Zainab. Emily looked at it for a moment, and then hit ignore. Then a text from Jessie.

What is your problem?

I don't have a problem. I just took care of it.

Then why has Miranda been babbling to me for the last twenty minutes? And why is Richard calling me to ask me to talk to you?

Richard?!?

Yeah, Zainab's pretty upset, you jerk.

What the Hell! Why am I the jerk when they've been harassing me about some stalky jerk for the past few days?

What did they do?

Miranda's all, Oh, wow, he's so sorry and he wants to talk to you. Zainab's all, don't you want to? Just so you'll feel better? And then- surprise- there he is. What is their problem?

Don't you all go to the same school?

So? I haven't run into him before.

Aren't you always at the library?

Sorry- gotta go.

Coward.

Emily worked for the next three hours by pretending that she was ten all over again and reading about Persephone for the first time. Ten was such a great age—math and reading had been much more fun for her than boys. And really, who would date anything that remotely resembled Zeus or Hades?

When her phone rang, she answered. "Zainab."

"Yes." She paused. "I think we should talk."

"And by 'we,' you mean—"

"Meet me at the café in fifteen minutes," Zainab said before she hung up.

Zainab was by herself when Emily arrived. "Is there something you want to say to me?" Zainab asked as soon as Emily sat down.

"Why is it so important to you?" Emily said.

"Mitch?"

"Yes, Mitch!"

"Because you got shafted—"

"Yes, I did."

"—and I think you deserve to hear someone apologize for it."

Emily got up and came back five minutes later with coffee for Zainab. "Would you believe that I have imagined an apology before?"

"And how did that go?"

"When you take out all of the 'oh, Emily, I was such a fool.'? It's pretty empty."

"Maybe real-life is more satisfying than you think."

"Well, let's find out." She twisted her mouth. "I'm sorry I thought you were helping Mitch stalk me."

"You should be!" Zainab exclaimed. "Why would you think some random guy would be more important to me than you are?"

"Because I'm a stupid, stupid girl."

"I wouldn't go that far. But I'm never going to be shamed into homework around you again."

"You really do know how to hurt me, you know that?"

Zainab winked. "There's stuff I know. You want to know what else I know? Miranda would love to join us."

Emily shook her head. "When did you meet Miranda?"

"Jessie made me call her when she was hysterical earlier today."

Emily winced. "How bad was it?"

Zainab raised her eyebrow and tilted her head. "You might want to apologize to her."

Miranda sniffled for fifteen minutes after she joined them. She babbled things about Michael and how everyone always ran away from her after they met him. But maybe it was really her because she didn't know how to be a good friend and she really liked Emily and Zainab and would do anything to make it up to them. Emily tried to tell her that she was sorry for overreacting but finally gave up and repeated that she did indeed like Miranda and that of course they were friends. She kept repeating this until Miranda finally calmed down.

"Oh, good!" Miranda said at last. "Why don't we all get dinner? My treat. Please?"

Emily didn't dare say no.

~~~

Zainab's words rang in Emily's ears that weekend, and then they mingled with what she'd said to Mitch. Part of her hated Mitch for coming back. Most keenly so when she thought of Drew. Drew wasn't anyone else's fault, certainly not Mitch's, but seeing Mitch had reminded her of how different things could have been, if only. If only her mother had cared. If only Emily hadn't been so desperate and Drew hadn't been so crazy. If only Mitch hadn't lied through the same sentence he'd promised in. If only.

She was going to die of regret if she lived in If Only. She missed the person she had been before everything had happened, but she wasn't sure she could be that person again. Maybe she couldn't. But she didn't have to be the person who had yelled at Mitch.

Emily got the address to Mitch's apartment from Zainab. It was only five blocks away from theirs. How convenient, she thought, but stopped herself before she could go on.

She buzzed the door, praying he wouldn't answer. Before she could turn away, a group of women walked out of the building and held the door for her. "Thanks," she forced herself to say as she walked in.

She went through the lobby and then down the stairs to the basement. His apartment was at the end of the hall. She knocked, pretending she wasn't really there. She heard some shuffling, and then the door opened.

Mitch had a towel wrapped around his waist and was dripping wet. Emily looked down at the ground. "Sorry." She didn't want to look at his bare skin.

"Was that you buzzing? Sorry. Please, come in."

"I think I should stay out here."

"Why... Oh. Let me throw some clothes on." Two minutes later, he had on jeans and a t-shirt. Emily was annoyed with herself for noticing how clean and fresh he looked. She didn't look at his eyes. She was sure they were still bright green.

Just get this over with. "So, I owe you an apology. Once I stopped hanging up on Miranda, she and Zainab did a, well, pretty good job of convincing me that they're not helping you stalk me. They were annoying this week but running into you was just a coincidence."

He stared at her.

"I, um, sort of have a good reason not to... Well, I think you get why I wouldn't want to see you, but I probably went too far." She looked up at the ceiling. "No, I totally went too far on the quad and I said mean things I shouldn't have said. It doesn't make me feel better. Things are pretty good now, and I don't have to be so mad. So...I'm sorry." She took a deep breath and nodded. He still didn't say anything. "Alrighty then. That's what I came to say. So, Zainab told me you're going to be starting law school in the fall. Have a great...law school and, well, be seeing you."

"You like The Prisoner!"

Mitch wore the biggest smile she'd ever seen. He looked, she thought, the way a child did when they suddenly understand something confusing. After a moment, Emily smiled too because now everything really was okay. It was all so clear now. Emily never had to feel bad about Mitch again, and she could know with serene calm that everything had turned out for the best. Obviously, Mitch was crazy.

She nodded slowly. "Anyone who is anyone likes The Prisoner. But as long as we're all set, I've got to go, duty calls." She gestured to her backpack.

"I like The Prisoner, too!" he blurted out. Oh my God, Emily thought. How quickly could she escape? "And I have to study too." He grabbed his jacket and backpack before she could say anything. "Okay, let's go."

Okay, he wasn't going to imprison her and make her watch old television. "I'm...walking!" That was all she could manage in her bewilderment.

"Then I'll walk too," he said with a smile.

"Don't you...have bad knees?"

"I'll be fine." Sure enough, it seemed like there was a spring in his step.

They walked up Beacon Street to Harvard, and the whole time, Mitch happily chatted about his classes. He was taking a light load because he only needed three, and it sounded like two of them were a notch above basket weaving. But he was really into his Middle East history class. Emily didn't say a word other than the occasional "hmm" or "yeah."

Once they were on Washington Street, Mitch started prodding her about her classes and her job. He didn't know much about the Greek myths, so he asked her to explain about Persephone. Then he remembered some of what he'd learned in grade school and asked questions about other stories and if the characters were related. Emily was pleasantly surprised, since Zainab, Jessie, and Richard usually passed out if she went on for more than ten minutes.

Once on Huntington, Emily realized she was without a lunch. She put her hand on her growling stomach. "I really need food."

"Let's go to Whole Foods!" Emily wasn't sure it was a good idea to have lunch with Mitch, but she couldn't say why it wasn't.

He kept smiling throughout lunch, pretty much at anything she said. She ate as quickly as she could. "Thanks for the company, but I've really got to go get some work done."

"Yeah, I know. Look at the time." Mitch threw out the containers, then walked with her to the library. "Where do you want to sit?"

"Actually," she said firmly but politely, "I have a room reserved. It's usually just for the grad students, but I've kind of got a special dispensation."

"Oh, and you don't want a measly undergrad to cramp your style?"

"I don't want to lose the room," she said slowly.

"No problem. How late are you staying? Maybe I can walk you home?"

"Pretty late," she said.

"Okay. I'll send you a message when I'm done and see if you're ready to go." Then he gave a little wave and left.

Emily looked after him. Had she missed something?

# CHAPTER 50

Mitch and Emily took the train home that evening. Before she could stop herself, she'd agreed to meet him for lunch the next day. She explained what happened to Zainab when she got home, to the best of her ability.

"He likes you. Maybe he's just figured out how to do it right this time."

"He walked me to the library. And then we got lunch. But then he went away when I told him to."

"I think that's called being a nice guy."

"Whatever...I guess."

Emily met Mitch the next day for lunch. She packed her own, and it was much better than what he bought at the cafeteria. He asked her about Drew, and she told him as much as she could while she could act like she was talking about someone who wasn't her. He looked sympathetic, but he didn't pry.

They met the next day for lunch. This time, she brought him some of what she'd packed Zainab. She just couldn't sit with him while he ate cafeteria food. He started talking about Kyra, and that provided a moment of clarity for Emily: She didn't want to know. But she didn't want to say that, so she sat there and acted like she was someone else again who wasn't angry or jealous and who could be adult enough to sit through stories about the woman she was dumped for.

The day after, he asked her about her mother and for that, she got to be herself.

"Have you spoken to your mom since then?"

"A little bit. She sends me emails I don't reply to, and then on occasion, she'll get really big pangs of guilt and insist on taking me out to tea. It would be lunch, but the restaurants she likes don't have a lot for vegans."

"I bet your mom is sorry about how everything turned out."

"I'm sure she is, in that way that she's sorry about everything. It's unfortunate but things just happen. She's sorry but she's blameless. But then she's not forgiven."

"What would she have to do to be forgiven?"

"Be sorry. No, scratch that. Just not do it again."

"You mean, change?"

"Mmhmm. That's why forgiveness is so hard to come by."

"The Holy Grail," he said softly.

"Sorry, not my line of inquiry."

That night, she invited him to study with her when the noise got to be particularly loud. It was just supposed to be once, but he was very quiet, so she invited him again the next night.

"Emily?" he asked when they were packing up.

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Same thing I do every night, Pinky."

"Except tomorrow is Friday."

"And?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to take a study break at some point...in the evening. Around that time we eat the final meal of the day. Would you let me take you to dinner?"

She wanted to stop pretending that she was someone else, but that might be kind of dangerous. Dinner. Where was the harm in that for her or whomever else she decided to be tomorrow?

"Sure," she said casually. "Where?"

"I don't know." He was smiling. "I was thinking of a couple of places in the North End, but if that's not okay—"

"That's fine. I love Italian. I'm sure there's something I can find."

That night, Mitch walked her all the way to her door. He stopped smiling and looked more serious. Emily stepped back. "So, I'll see you tomorrow!" she said brightly, then ran up her stairs.

Zainab squealed when Emily told her she had a date and gave her a hug. "Finally! See, I told you he was trying to do the right thing."

The right thing? Emily had trouble falling asleep that night as she pondered that statement. Was this the right thing to do? She'd been someone who had been out on a date and had wanted so badly to go on another one. Then she despised him because he deserved it and because she despised everything. Now she was trying to be a better person who wasn't suspicious and got a glimpse of what she could have had, once upon a time. Was it fair, with all of that going on, to get dinner tomorrow night?

Emily let Zainab sleep in the next morning and left the house quietly. She got off of the train at ICA so she could walk and think, but then tried not to think.

She remembered the night she and Mitch walked through Boston. She remembered never having felt more alive than when he looked at her. She remembered thinking about what he would look like without his shirt on. Then she remembered laughing through a caffeine-induced frenzy and sleeping in his arms on the bench near her special place.

There were the more recent memories, which she realized she'd taken in more fully than she'd thought. His easy laugh, sweet concern, and gallant manner. That he'd waited until he was invited to study with her. That he wanted to be with her despite the way she'd screamed at him. That he'd accepted her apology, which she may or may not have meant. That she'd seen him without his shirt and he lived up to expectations. Maybe now it was okay to be the person she really was, because she would really, really like to have dinner with him.

~~~

Mitch wasn't sure where Emily was going to be at three o'clock. It was just as well, because he didn't want to crowd her. He could tell, despite her airiness, that it had been a struggle for her to say yes; that despite the time they'd spent together, she still wasn't sure. The fact that she ran away before he could kiss her was certainly a sign. He didn't blame her.

He went to Princess Cappuccino to get a little bit of caffeinated courage. He had just gotten his double shot espresso when he felt a tap on his arm. "Mitch?"

Oh no. He knew who it was. Should he ignore her? No, that would be rude. He turned around.

"Hi, Kyra."

She still had that beaming smile. "I was hoping I'd find you today. I feel so bad about how things ended."

"What's important is that they ended."

The pout. "You don't have to be cruel."

"I'm not trying to be. But you obviously weren't happy with me either, so it was for the best that we ended it when we did."

"I wish you'd let me explain—"

"It was pretty obvious."

"But it wasn't everything. I know it was mostly my fault, but I lashed out at you because I was humiliated. I never felt good enough for you and having someone tell me how much they wanted me was like a drug after that."

There was so much to say. No, it wasn't that she hadn't been good enough for him. He hadn't been fair to start seeing her in the first place. And just maybe she'd needed that boost before him. But there wasn't much to say, because it was over.

"Kyra, don't feel guilty. I don't blame you, and I'm not mad." He rubbed her upper arm. "It's time to move on."

Two things registered at once: Kyra put her hand on his, and Emily walked through the café door. It was too much for one man to process at once.

Without saying a word, Emily turned around and walked out.

"Emily!" Mitch ran out, sick to his stomach. He caught up to Emily at the corner. "Wait!"

She turned around. She was blank. "So that was Kyra." It wasn't a question.

He wished the sidewalk would open. "Yes."

She nodded. "She's very pretty. And she's, what, twenty-one, twenty-two? No problem getting into any club she wants, right?"

"I am so—"

"—sorry that I saw you with her?"

"I swear to you, I haven't seen her since I left Ireland."

She raised her eyebrow. "Sorry I interrupted your reunion."

"I wanted her to feel better so she'd go away. I swear to you."

She nodded again. "I... I don't know... Okay, maybe, you're not lying this time." She took a deep breath. "But I'm sorry, I don't think I'm going to be hungry tonight."

"Emily, please."

"You were touching her. And smiling. Just like old times, I'm sure."

It wasn't going to do any good to tell her that he had smiled more this week than he had in all of those months with Kyra. "I will do anything to convince you that—"

"Yeah, I don't know." She turned and walked away. He wanted to run after her, but he knew that would make it worse.

Damn it.

# CHAPTER 51

Zainab was startled when Emily walked in. "Didn't you have a date today?"

"Yeah, change of plans," Emily answered in a monotone. "I'll just make myself scarce so you can do whatever it was you were doing."

Zainab walked over and put her arm around Emily's waist. "You'll do no such thing. What happened?"

"I saw him touching Kyra," she blurted out.

Emily paced, sat at the table, paced some more, sat on the couch, and paced again while she told Zainab what happened. She knew how stupid it sounded, but Zainab scowled. "Oh, Mitch!"

Zainab sent Richard a text to tell him that she was going to be running late. Emily was pacing again when the door buzzed. "Hello?"

"It's Miranda!"

Miranda walked through the door twenty seconds later. Emily braced herself for an onslaught of, "But he really likes you!" Instead, Miranda had a bag of chips, vegan dip, and non-dairy ice cream bars.

"So, anything good on TV tonight?" Miranda asked.

Emily looked at Zainab, then back at Miranda. "How did you know I might want to watch TV tonight?"

Miranda grinned. "Richard." She tilted her head. "Don't be mad, okay? He knows I like hanging out with you."

Emily sighed. "Well, how about you just hang out with me and we let Miss Oginabe-Kensit go?"

"Hey!" Zainab exclaimed. "I can decide for myself whether I want to hang out with my boyfriend or my best friend."

Miranda lowered her chin. "If I told you he's downstairs, would that make it easier?"

Zainab looked at Emily. "Go!" Emily said, pointing her thumb at the door. "And don't come home too early."

"If you insist," Zainab grinned. She pointed to Miranda. "But you'd better look out for my girl, alright?"

"You've got it!" Miranda said as the door closed.

As soon as Emily was sure Zainab was gone, she turned to Miranda. "Okay, you're free to go too. Just leave a few ice cream bars."

Miranda put her hands on her hips. "No way! Love my snacks, love me. Come on, let's watch some sci-fi or a documentary."

Emily wrinkled her nose after a moment. "Let's watch some Bond."

Miranda ripped open the chips. "At last, someone who understands me."

Emily and Miranda were in agreement that, for all of his flaws, Connery was still the best Bond. Emily was partial to Daniel Craig as a runner-up, but Miranda liked Pierce Brosnan.

Miranda snickered as Emily explained that Jack Lord, who originated the role of Felix Leiter, was actually the person they really wanted to play Captain Kirk, and this was part of why Doctor No was the best Bond ever.

Miranda giggled. "So you're not allowed to like him just because he's really hot?"

"You think Jack Lord is hot?"

"Well, how about really handsome?"

Emily grinned. "Sorry, I'm too overwhelmed by Connery to be impressed."

"That's why God invented Hawaii Five-O."

"Oh my God, do you watch that?"

"Would you believe this isn't the first time I've watched old television?"

Emily grabbed bars for the two of them. "I sort of would. You seem like when you're not in class, you'd be at some swanky fundraiser or something."

Miranda shrugged. "Yes, I've had to go to a few of those, but this is more fun."

"Wow," Emily said. "Those things must stink."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Just sit down and watch the movie."

# CHAPTER 52

Mitch texted Emily every day.

You know I'm not with Kyra.

You know there's nothing going on.

I didn't do anything.

When are you going to stop being mad at me?

Emily always agreed. She even apologized for being so harsh. But Mitch never said what she really wanted to hear, and that was that she was the only one he was thinking of and that there wasn't anyone else. So she couldn't say, "Fine, let's start over."

On Tuesday night, Miranda gave her a ride home. Zainab was there when they got in.

Emily put her bags down. "Yes?"

"I think we should have a dinner party on Friday."

Emily blinked. "Just the three of us?"

"Well, don't forget Richard," Miranda said nervously.

"Oh, the four of us," Emily said dryly.

Zainab looked at Miranda. "I was thinking another person might make it more festive."

It had been so nice not talking about this for the last three days. "I don't want to."

"Well, it wouldn't be fair to Richard if he were the only guy here," Miranda pleaded.

"Then invite the solar car guys," Emily snapped.

Zainab groaned. "But then all they'd do is talk about their latest design, and I'm already an expert."

"Miranda, don't you know anyone else?"

"I wouldn't want to eat with them if I didn't have to."

Emily looked at them both. "Fine," she said after a minute. "On one condition: everything is going to be vegan."

Miranda clapped her hands. "Yes!"

"And you guys can handle the invitations."

"I'll take care of that." Miranda winked.

"And I'll do the decorations." Zainab looked around. "I'm going to have to ask Richard to bring some chairs..."

Emily closed her eyes. She was going to see this as an excuse to try out some new recipes, nothing more.

# CHAPTER 53

Mitch was home on Tuesday night. He was sitting on his bed, looking at the entry in his phone for Emily's number. He wanted to call or text, but maybe it was time to take a hint. He knew why she was so upset, but what else could he do?

He jumped when his door buzzed, and he buzzed back without asking who it was. He was at the door already when there was a knock. He smiled as he opened it.

His face fell. "Miranda?"

"Why, yes, I'd love to come in."

"Yeah, good to see you too." He closed the door as soon as she walked in.

"What's your problem?"

"Okay, enough. How was your Friday night?"

"Fabulous. Emily and I drooled over James Bond, listened to someone named Thelonious Monk, and ate a lot of chips and ice cream."

"I didn't do anything, okay? I ran into Kyra, and I just wanted her to go away. Emily walked in at the worst possible time—"

Miranda held up her hand. "I get it. Zainab gets it. I think on some level Emily gets it, but you've got to understand where she's coming from."

Mitch slumped against his wall. "Yeah, I get it too, but I don't know what to do about it."

"Have dinner with her on Friday."

"What? Is that her idea?"

"Hmm, not exactly. But Zainab and I convinced her it was a good one."

"Uh huh. Sounds like she can't wait to see me."

"God, you are such a moron, you know that? She's madly in love with you, but you broke her heart. Make an effort if you feel the same way."

"You know I do, but..."

Miranda crossed her arms. "No, there is no 'but'! Are you sure you're the same guy I met last fall? And you're the same guy I saw in the student center, looking like someone had punched him in the stomach? And the same guy who was so desperate to see her a few weeks ago?"

"A lot has happened."

"No, it hasn't! I heard your story and hers, and it sounds like a whole bunch of nothing. You took up with some nymphomaniac, and she ended up with a loser. And now you're both free. Is anyone dead? Married? Has anything irrevocable happened? Blah, blah, blah, she doesn't trust me. Blah, blah, blah, I don't know what she wants. That's stupid, and you know it. These are not obstacles. These are inconveniences. These are things you have to do a little bit of work to fix, but you can fix them. Unless you're going to be a lazy slob who likes the sound of his own whining better than getting what he wants."

Mitch wasn't lazy. "Fine. But I'm bringing a friend."

"Not Kyra, I take it?"

"Weren't you my friend first?"

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for a girl willing to get into a fight with a bully."

"Excuse me?"

"Just be there at seven o'clock on Friday," she said as she walked out.

# CHAPTER 54

Emily and Zainab were setting the table when Richard arrived with the chairs. Zainab dragged Richard to her room. "Better be ready by the time everyone else gets here!" Emily called after them.

Emily was trying to go to her happy place. Maybe Mitch would bail at the last minute.

She had just finished setting up the fruit and crackers when the doorbell rang. She braced herself to see Mitch, but instead saw a man about five foot ten with slightly longish hair standing in her doorway, holding a bottle of wine.

"Hi there. You must be Emily."

"Uh... Sorry?" she stammered. "I am. And you are?"

"Martin. Martin Shepard." He gave Emily the wine and shook her hand. "Is there anything I can help you with? Ooh, something smells good."

Emily sniffed the air. "That would be the mushrooms!" she said and hurried back into the kitchen. She took them out just in time to avoid burning and placed them on a plate. Martin reached to grab a still hot mushroom and gobbled it down. "Wow, those are good."

"Thanks!" Nothing like a culinary compliment to break the ice, she thought. "But who are you?"

"Mitch's friend. Really, he didn't mention that he invited me?"

"Yeah, no." Apparently, Richard had known since he'd brought enough chairs over for six. "But since you like mushrooms, please stay. And remind me to get the quiche out in a minute."

"Quiche? Yum! I haven't had that since I got to college."

"Yeah? So what year are you?"

"Junior, I think. Hard to keep track with all of these blasted co-ops."

Emily smiled uncomfortably as he looked her over. "I wouldn't know. I managed to avoid those things."

"Smart girl."

She shrugged. "So how did you meet Mitch? Classes? Co-ops?"

He grabbed another mushroom. "One class, then the Ireland trip."

"The Ireland trip." Her happy place no longer had any vacancies.

Doorbell. Emily put the mushrooms down and ran to the door. There was Miranda and with her, Mitch, holding a bouquet of flowers. Why did he have to wear that nice, dark blue shirt that made his eyes stand out even more?

Emily plastered a smile onto her face. "Hello. I was just chatting with Martin."

"Oh, sorry, sweetie. I thought I'd get here a little earlier to introduce everyone," Miranda said, coming through the doorway and giving Emily a kiss. "Hi, you must be Martin."

"And you must be Miranda."

"The one and only."

"I'll say," Emily said under her breath, still trying not to look at Mitch.

"Where's Zainab?" Miranda asked.

"Oh, she was doing her hair," Emily said as if she'd just remembered something. "Why don't you help her with that?"

"These are for you," Mitch said at last, handing her the vase filled with pink lilies and snapdragons.

"They're beautiful." She heard Zainab scream, and then Miranda. Now they were even. She waved at them over her shoulder. "You can come out and say hi to everyone now!"

Mitch tried not to laugh. "Nice one," he said softly.

"You know how petty I can be."

He took a deep breath. "Are you going to ask me in?"

"Your friend is here, so that would probably be the nice thing to do."

"Do you like him?"

"He seems nice, and he likes the mushrooms, so I'll let him stay."

Emily seated herself next to Martin, who sat next to Miranda, who sat next to Mitch, who sat next to Zainab, who sat next to Richard. She hadn't meant to be right across from Mitch. "So," she said, turning to Martin while she forked her salad, "you're a junior?"

She made an effort to make Martin feel welcome. She was interested in his opinions on the mayoral race as well as his views on public education in the city. She disagreed with most of what he said—she was classically liberal, whereas he might have been best described as libertarian—but she followed up with a lot of questions. She could see Richard look at Zainab and Mitch glare at Miranda.

Emily and Martin were just getting into Ray Flynn's appointment as ambassador when she heard Richard talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Emily scoffed. "Don't start that again. Picard's okay, but Sisko kicks his ass."

"Didn't Picard kill Sisko's wife or something?" Martin asked.

"Yeah, but I don't see how that makes him superior. And he did it when he was borgified, or whatever. Sisko never got borgified."

"But didn't Sisko murder some ambassador to get the Romulans into the war?" Richard asked. "Picard never compromised his morals like that."

"You have totally missed the point!" Emily said indignantly. "He compromised his morals for the greater good! That was the best episode of Deep Space Nine. Ever. And that's why Deep Space Nine kicked ass, certainly The Next Gen's."

"But no one was really cute on DS-Nine," Zainab said, and Miranda giggled. "Wesley was cute, and Riker was kind of hot."

"You don't think Worf was totally hot?" Emily asked indignantly.

"Yeah, but he was on Next Gen too," Zainab answered calmly.

"But he wasn't smoking until he was with Dax."

"Yeah," Martin nodded. "And Dax was pretty hot, too."

"I liked her when she was played by Terry Farrell, but not that last one," Richard offered. Zainab elbowed him in the ribs, then Richard laughed and tickled her.

Mitch had been watching in silence until now. "Still an Original Series fan, myself. Kirk and the ship, a love story unrivaled in the history of television."

Emily looked at him, trying not to remember their first conversation. "No," she said finally. "Still a Spock fan."

"Yeah," Miranda said dreamily. "Spock was so dignified and reserved. Definitely made you wonder what he'd be like in bed."

Everyone was silent until Martin burst out laughing. "I think it's time for dessert," Emily said through giggles.

Miranda gasped when she saw the beautiful cupcake in front of her. "Oh my God. Is this—"

"You'll see." Everyone bit in, and between sighs, they all pronounced it the best cream-filled chocolate-frosted cupcake they had ever eaten. When everyone was done, Emily grinned. "And that, my friends, was a completely vegan meal, cupcakes and all."

"Oh wow. I'm going to become a vegetarian now," Martin said admiringly. "But I can still drink, right?"

"Speaking of which..." Zainab got up and refilled everyone's glasses. "Here's to the chef."

"Emily!" Everyone drank, and Emily smiled, trying not to look at Mitch.

"Thank you all for coming. And here's to Jessie," she said pointedly and raised her glass. Mitch and Martin shrugged but drank anyway.

~~~

Richard had offered to take everyone to a nearby piano bar, but Emily insisted that Zainab and Miranda stay back to help her clean up, and they didn't dare complain.

As soon as the waitress put down the drinks, Mitch turned to Martin. "If you date her, I'll kill you."

"I want to make sure I'm clear on this," Martin said after he took his first sip of Guinness. "That's Emily? The Emily? The Emily you dumped so you could shack up with Kyra? You chose Kyra over someone who's funny, smart, and can really cook, and not to mention totally gorgeous and likes politics and Star Trek as much as you do?"

"Shut up."

"Aw, get over yourself! She isn't interested in me. First of all, you're much better looking than I am. Second of all, she couldn't keep her eyes off you."

"She only looked at me a few times. I was staring the whole time, I should know."

"And you've got to watch the staring thing, my friend. I found out the hard way women don't find that attractive."

"She was checking you out," Richard said wearily, finishing his drink. "What you saw was her trying not to look at you. She likes you."

"She hates me."

Richard thought for a moment. Mitch could tell Richard wasn't sure about him. That made them even. "Maybe a little of that too."

"If she likes me so much, then why was she practically sitting in his lap?" Mitch whined before he took a big swig of his beer.

"Did you go to high school?" Martin said with exasperation. "She wasn't interested in me. She was interviewing me for someone."

"Who? Zainab's taken—"

"Yes, thank you," Richard said firmly.

"—maybe Miranda."

"No," Richard said, not looking at either of them. "She's off the market, trust me."

"Then who else?"

A look of horror came over Richard's face. "Ugh! Don't worry, she's too young!"

Martin patted Mitch on the shoulder. "That's too bad. But, Mitch, just let me know if it doesn't work out between the two of you, because if not—"

"I repeat, I'll kill you."

# CHAPTER 55

Over the weekend, Mitch thought it over rationally. Richard and Martin were right. Emily wasn't interested in Martin. He wasn't her type. She wanted him to go out with one of her friends—maybe this Jessie she always talked about?—and if she made Mitch jealous in the meantime, bonus, right?

Unfortunately, the stress of impending senior finals combined with the memory of Emily listening intently to Martin's every word outweighed Mitch's rational thoughts. He walked to the library on Monday after his first class and stormed into the room where Emily was studying. "You are not going to date Martin!"

He felt like a fool as soon as the words left his mouth. Emily put down her pen. "Thank you so much, because this whole adult thing is much tougher than it looks. Here I've been thinking about what happens after graduation and having this existential crisis. Where will I go? What will I do? Very Scarlett O'Hara. But then you come to tell me what I will not do, and suddenly it's nice and easy again. I mean, there are still some things I have to decide, but at least one thing is off my plate. Unless you'd like to throw around any other commands?"

He frowned. "I'm serious. You're not dating my friend."

She was on her feet now. "You're such a hypocrite, you're almost a paradox. How do you still exist?"

"I didn't date a friend of yours."

"Am I supposed to give you points for not screwing one of my friends, just some stranger? Because it's okay to blow someone off for some person you've never met before, but not someone's friend? Then you can feel betrayed?"

"I'd only just met you, too." God, why did he speak before he thought?

"Right," Emily said, calmly gathering her papers and books. "And I think if we count the days we've actually seen each other, in the flesh, we've got a little less than a month going for us. And with that person, you've got at least three, right? So why don't you go back to her, or find someone else you've known for a longer period of time?" She raced out the door. He didn't block her way because he knew that would be a deal-breaker, but he followed her out of the library.

"I don't know what to do to tell you how sorry I am," he said as soon as they were outside. "I wish things could have been different."

"Again, how do you live? You are such a victim of your own circumstances. It's not in your power to make things different?"

She was so fierce and beautiful. "Maybe it was, Em, but I didn't know it. I would have changed everything if I'd realized I could have. I was so miserable."

"Why am I not surprised that a selfish motivation would get the point across?"

"That isn't what I mean." Fierce, beautiful, and exasperating. "Kyra was...ridiculous, but I was miserable because I wasn't with you." She looked at the ground. "You have to believe me," Mitch said. "I thought about you every day. Maybe I didn't know you for a long time, but I dreamed about you so often, living that one perfect night over and over in my head, I might as well have known you since the day I was born." She looked up. "I thought I could forget you with someone else, but then I couldn't let myself forget. It's my fault, and I'm sorry."

He came in closer, and she didn't push him away.

"I don't know what to say," Emily said.

"What do you want to say?"

"Let's run off and stay up late again," Emily said. "Let's eat something this time and then go back to my place." Mitch's face burned. "But I don't think I can say that right now. I believe you, but I don't trust you. I wish I did."

"What do I have to do?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

They stood for what felt like an eternity. Bravely, at last, Mitch took Emily's hand in his. "Then I guess I'll have to figure something out."

Emily changed the subject. "Are you going to Miranda's thing on Thursday?"

"What thing?"

She laughed, then he laughed. "I don't know," she said at last. "Something about an art gallery on Newbury Street, some artist she knows." He felt her fingers intertwining with his. He wasn't sure who started it.

"She didn't ask me."

She smiled. "I'm asking you."

"So I should take you there?"

"I'll meet you there."

"Okay. I'll meet you there." He leaned in closer and put his chin gently on the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair. She squeezed his hand tighter. "Emily?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you walk me to class?"

# CHAPTER 56

On Tuesday and Wednesday, Emily and Mitch ate, studied, and rode home together. It was nice to have that routine together.

He didn't meet her on Thursday, but sent her a text saying that he was getting home a little earlier so he could change. Emily bit her lip, trying to imagine what he could do to make himself any handsomer.

Smiling, she grabbed the black dress, the one she should have worn that first night, and the black heels.

"Oh, wow!" Zainab said when she saw Emily in the dress. "Should I make myself scarce when you get home?"

"Yeah, that'll be hard." Richard was in finals crunch too, and Zainab was spending more of her time at his place than at the apartment. "Don't change any plans on my account."

~~~

Mitch got to the gallery fifteen minutes early. Miranda kissed him on the cheek when he came in and grinned. "See, I told you dinner would work out."

"We'll see," Mitch said, but he was smiling too.

"It's okay—" Miranda's phone beeped. She read a message and stopped smiling. "Mitch, let me introduce you to the artist." She made a quick introduction to a slightly balding, older red-haired man and then ran off. Mitch talked to the artist for a few minutes before someone else grabbed him.

He looked at a few of the paintings. He wanted to call them Neo-Realism but was pretty sure that wasn't the right term. He kept looking back at the entrance and finally saw Emily walk in.

She was wearing the black dress she'd brought with her that day at the café. It was perfect on her, and the heels didn't hurt either.

He caught her eye. She smiled and blushed. She walked down a few steps near the table with food. He started walking over.

She stood up straight, then turned to the side. Who was talking to her? It was some tall, big, dark-haired guy. He looked familiar. Emily narrowed her eyes and stepped closer to him. Wait a minute, wasn't that the guy he had seen with Miranda?

Emily shrieked as the man grabbed her hand and literally shoved it down his pants! Mitch pushed past the people who were staring to get to Emily. By the time he got to her, the man was on the floor, writhing in pain.

The man was trying to stand up, but Miranda was standing over him, screaming at him to stay away from Emily. Emily was frozen for a second, then shook her hand violently. "Eww, eww, eww!"

"Are you alright?" Mitch asked. Emily nodded. "What the hell happened?"

She blinked. "He made me...touch him. Eww!"

The man stood up. Mitch turned around and raised his fist. "You son of a—"

"Don't!" Emily pulled him back. "He's not worth it."

Miranda got between Mitch and the man. "She's right. Let me take care of this."

Mitch threw his arm down. "I can call the police as well as you can."

The man laughed weakly. "You don't want to do that."

"Shut up," Miranda hissed.

The man smirked. "Do you want to tell them or should I? I wouldn't spend ten minutes at the station, assuming I even made it there. Last time, I think the nice officers dropped me off at home. But a phone call could go badly for you. Did you want to work in Boston?"

Emily rushed forward. "If you threaten him again, I will make sure Richard won't speak to you."

The man said nothing as Mitch pulled her back. "Don't listen to him," Mitch growled. "I'm calling the police."

Miranda closed her eyes. "Mitch, he's right."

"Excuse me?"

"But I can fix this. Please, trust me."

"You're as crazy as he is," Mitch said as he reached into his pocket.

Miranda grabbed Emily's hand. "I am begging you, for your sakes. Please trust me."

"Didn't Jessie trust you?"

Miranda swallowed. Tears came into her eyes. "She did, and I did something else. Now I can do this." She squeezed Emily's hand. "I can do this for her too."

"Put the phone down," Emily said after a moment.

"Are you crazy? This creep—"

"I know! But if Miranda says she can take care of this, I'm going to trust her."

The man snickered. "Good girl."

"Oh, shut up!" Mitch grabbed the back of his head and shoved it into the bowl of spinach dip on the table. "I guess no one needs to know about that, either." Before the man could get up, Mitch took Emily's hand and ran with her outside, grabbing the first cab they could find.

"What was that?" Mitch asked as soon as he'd given the cab driver her address.

"Michael Abbot, Richard's cousin."

"Richard?! Zainab's Richard?"

"Yes."

"How is Miranda mixed up in all of this?"

"She and Michael were raised together."

"By what, a wolf?"

"Close enough."

# CHAPTER 57

Emily let Mitch make her some tea while she changed. She had just finished telling him everything she knew about the Abbots, Bartolomes, and the Hendricksons when Richard called. "This is really not a good time," Emily said.

"Tell me about it."

"I finally got to meet Michael."

"What?"

"And I can see why you guys wanted to keep me away from him."

"No, how could you? He left!"

"It's a long story."

"Really? Well, I've got a short story. He took them before he left."

"Took what?"

"Took them."

Emily stopped breathing. "How..."

"I put them somewhere he and I used to play when we were little. I didn't think he remembered... He must have found them before he left, because the door to the room was open and now they're gone."

Emily's lip started trembling. "Where's Zainab?"

"In the other room. She doesn't know."

"Get off the phone then. I'll talk to you later." Emily hung up and sipped her tea.

"What did Michael take?" Mitch asked after a minute.

Emily exhaled. "Everything."

~~~

Every time Mitch saw Emily that week, she ended up receiving at least two texts from Richard. Whatever was going on, he understood that Emily thought it was much worse than being assaulted by that creep.

"Wait," Mitch said the next Thursday. "Does Richard know what Michael did to you?"

"What? I don't know. Maybe Miranda told him."

"It didn't occur to you to mention it?" Mitch was outraged. The law was imperfect, but why did that mean Emily and Miranda were responsible for making sure anyone got justice? She couldn't even mention it to her friends?

"Please don't say anything to him—"

"It's not like we hang out."

"—or Zainab."

Mitch sighed. "Emily...when are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"As soon as I figure out how to fix it."

On Friday, he'd had enough. "We need to go on a date, just the two of us, for a few hours, no cell phones."

Emily smiled a little bit. "Where?"

"Anywhere. I don't care."

He called her that night. "How about a yoga class?"

She looked at the phone. "Really?"

"I know how much you like yoga, and don't get mad, but it seems like you could use something to relax you."

"I don't want to make you do anything you don't—"

"No," he said quickly. "I mean, it might be fun." They set up a time to meet on Boylston Street before yoga class. She wondered why he wouldn't want to meet closer to home, but she didn't question him. She didn't want to worry any more than she needed to.

He was waiting for her right outside the studio the next day. "Come on, the class starts in two minutes!" She wondered why he'd told her to meet him then instead of twenty minutes ago, but she ran in and set up her mat next to his while he registered them. He had just settled in next to her when the instructor walked in. "Welcome to Couples Yoga."

Emily's eyes widened as she turned to Mitch, who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. She could have run out, but he had placed them in the middle of the room and it would have been impossible to leave without creating a scene.

All of the couples were directed to sit back to back for the opening breathing exercise. Good, she thought, now I don't have to look at him. But when the instructor told them to link arms while they breathed and try to feel their partner's energy, Emily scowled.

They turned back around and stood up to face each other. Then they had to take each other's hands and squat and stand in synchrony with their breathing. "Usually, we can practice this with our eyes closed, but when you do it together, please keep your eyes open." Emily squeezed her eyes shut, but then the instructor, who must have seen her, repeated the instruction.

Defiantly, she locked eyes with Mitch. Go ahead, she tried to transmit. You're not going to embarrass me. His eyes smiled back, and he squeezed her hand as if to tell her that he didn't want to hurt her.

They sat on the floor, cross-legged, knees touching and fingers intertwined. The instruction was to grind their spine, first in one direction, and then the other. Because of the winding, they were told to close their eyes. Emily felt her hands and fingers tingle, and by the way Mitch rubbed his hands, she thought he felt the same.

Feet to feet, hands held, moving back and forth. Mitch had to bend his long but inflexible legs and winced a little bit as they began flexing back and forth. Emily tried to focus on that and not the rhythmic, syncopated breathing between the two of them.

They were tall mountains, reaching their hands out to each other, feeling the energy between them. Emily's hands tingled so much she wanted to shake them out.

They were hugging trees. Emily thought of the myth of Baucis and Philamon and staying in this position forever, supporting each other. They were fierce warriors going into battle side by side, their hands overlapping as they reached forward and back. They lunged to the floor and twisted, embracing each other. They had to hold on or else they might fall. Then they straddled their legs and bent forward, reaching through to each other's hands, then rocking back and forth, one standing, and one bending.

Back on the floor, they were sitting on their knees, head down, while the other lay over their back staring at the ceiling. They straddled their legs on the floor and reached for each other, then pulled back and forth. They leaned to one side, holding hands. They lifted their legs up so the soles of their feet touched, then reached for each other through their feet.

They twisted together. They bent back while the other pulled. Then they lay down, closing their eyes, resting their hands on each other. An eternity later, Emily rolled onto her side and Mitch tucked her into the crevices of his body, listening to each other's breathing, trying to tell where one ended and the other began. At last, they sat up and she sat in the diamond between his feet and his body so they could embrace.

She couldn't look at him when class was over. She quickly threw on her sweater and ran outside as soon as she'd bundled her mat.

"Wait! Wait!"

She turned to look at him. She couldn't believe...that he was different from what she was. Because of that, now she had a question where before she would have had anger.

"Why did you do that?"

"I thought it would be fun."

What a disappointing answer. "Is that all?"

"It was...a way for us to be close."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

"You would have said no."

"That's a bad answer."

Mitch groaned and held his stomach. He sat down on a bench. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Oh, stop being such a baby!" Emily snapped, disappointed that they couldn't talk more. She ran into Starbucks, bought him some ginger tea, and waited until he finished it before she led him to the train station.

She walked him home and put him to bed. "Don't be mad," he mumbled before he drifted off. She tucked him into bed, stroking his head before she left.

# CHAPTER 58

Emily couldn't stop thinking about the class. The only way she could get her final papers done was with an audience, so she demanded Miranda and Zainab's presence that night.

Miranda shrugged and yawned after she'd read the last of Emily's papers. "Seems fine to me. Guess what? I think you'll graduate."

"You have no idea how important that is."

"Why is that again?" Zainab said, busting out the brownies Emily had made when she was trying to come up with ways not to think of Mitch.

"Because now I'll be free and can do what I want."

"Hmm, these are good!" Miranda said as she delicately chewed a brownie. "And what is that, exactly?"

"Travel," Emily said, knowing that they were going to think about going to warm, sunny places and not making sure Joe stayed away from Boston.

They were arguing about whether they should stay in or go to Miranda's house when Zainab's phone rang. Emily froze when she saw Richard's name, but relaxed when Zainab started laughing. After five minutes, she said, "Guys, I think you're going to have to figure out dinner without me."

After Zainab left, Emily gave in and agreed to go out with Miranda to the sushi place in Brookline. But first she wanted to make sure Mitch was feeling better.

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Mitch asked groggily.

"What's to talk about? You're nauseous. It's a sign from the universe not to ambush someone."

"I'm feeling better. Thanks for the tea and comfort."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"No. I'm just disappointed you weren't there when I woke up."

"I have finals, and so do you."

"Right. I've got a lot of work to do tonight, and yes, I probably wouldn't be able to concentrate around you." Silence. "But I think I'll be able to manage tomorrow."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, but I'll put it in as a formal request. Can I see you tomorrow? And don't use your work as an excuse, because you're almost done. You either want to see me or you don't."

"What if I do?" Emily said at last. "Do you get a prize?"

"Just the pleasure of your company. Let's say I'll be around at eleven." Before she could say anything, he hung up.

Miranda smiled and wagged her finger. "Oh, shut up!" Emily said as she locked up.

# CHAPTER 59

Emily had the apartment all to herself again the next morning. She woke up, worked out, showered, and, because she could think more clearly, made last-minute changes to her final papers. Once she deemed them ready, she decided to celebrate by making scones and tea.

The scones were just out of the oven when Zainab and Richard walked in. "Good morning!" Neither Zainab nor Richard answered. "Uh, scones?"

"Scones...yeah, that sounds great," Zainab said, not looking at either of them.

Emily was about to ask what was going on when the doorbell rang. It was Mitch. He smiled when he saw her. "All better now."

Richard spoke up before she could say anything. "Mitch, I think you and Zainab should dig into those scones. They smell great."

"Have a seat, Mitch," Zainab said blankly. Richard led her out of the apartment and onto the street.

Emily searched his face. "What's wrong? Is everything okay with Zainab?"

"Yes, well... I think I've got a lot of making up to do." He took a deep breath. "Michael called last night."

"Where is he?"

"Asia, somewhere. I don't know. It doesn't matter." He sucked his cheeks in. "I was in the other room when the phone rang, and Zainab picked it up."

Emily swallowed. "What did he say?"

"I want you to know, he does have some decency. He thought I picked up, which is why he started shouting about what he found." He scoffed. "He was very apologetic once I got on the phone and he realized what he'd done."

"Richard—"

"But it was too late." His eyes were red. "She was so angry with me when she realized...how involved I was."

"It's my fault," she said quickly. "I didn't tell her. I wanted— I didn't want her to think— I don't know, it was stupid. I should have told her."

"I think I had a greater burden than you did."

Poor Richard, who had to take care of everything and everyone. She had just put her hand on his when the door opened and Zainab and Mitch came out. Zainab was expressionless. Mitch was trying to be.

Emily put her hand down. "Zainab, can I talk to you?"

"Actually," Zainab said coolly, "I think we were going to the library."

"What? Right, right." Richard nodded at last. "But first we were getting lunch, weren't we?"

"Whatever you say." Without another word to Emily, Zainab got into Richard's car and Richard followed.

"What was that all about?" Mitch said after they drove away.

Emily looked at Mitch's handsome face. Why had she made everything so hard? "It's just me, screwing up again."

Mitch softened. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She loved his voice. "No. I believe we have a date, Mister Graham, and it's about time it got started."

# CHAPTER 60

Emily made Mitch talk about his parents and his friends from Natick on the way to Faneuil Hall. He made her laugh with stories about his Grandma Lulu. It wasn't enough to make her forget about Drew, Joe, and Michael, but it was enough to make her laugh, and that was good enough.

There was something that would make her feel better. Emily told him to wait and ran into the Native American-themed gift shop.

"I got you something," she said when she came out a few minutes later.

"What?"

"Open it."

Inside the little white box was a band with green and blue stones.

"Put it on."

"You want me to wear a necklace?"

"It's more of a band. With beads."

"I don't know if this is my style."

"All the cool guys are doing it."

"I'm not cool."

"Don't you think," she said as she moved in closer, "you owe me after your yoga attack yesterday?"

"Admit you liked it, and I'll put it on."

"I loved it. I hope we get to do that again. But maybe longer next time, and alone."

"Does this have a matching bracelet? Because I'm willing to put that on too if you keep talking."

"Don't press your luck." She helped him tie the band around his neck, then smiled.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. It just brings out your eyes."

"You like my eyes?" he said, lifting his eyebrows.

"You know you have gorgeous eyes. I'm sure everyone has told you that."

"Maybe, but I like hearing it from you."

"I don't make you tell me you think I'm pretty."

"That's because you know you're gorgeous. You know every night I go to bed thinking about you and your eyes and hair. And you know that means sometimes it can be hard to get to sleep at all."

"Don't press your luck."

They held hands while they ordered food, and Emily thought that if Mitch tried to kiss her, she'd let him. But he was content to talk.

When they got to the table, she wanted to talk about food. Did he like Ethiopian cuisine? Had he ever heard of injera? Was coconut milk going to work with red beans? Was he allergic to anything she should know about?

"Can't stand mushrooms."

"That's a problem. I love mushrooms. Fine, I'll just invite someone else over if I want to make mushrooms."

"Like...Richard?"

She had enjoyed not thinking about Richard. "Or Martin. He ate just about all of the stuffed mushrooms I made that night."

"Okay. Would you like to talk about Martin or Richard?"

"Martin...likes mushrooms, is funny, and likes politics. I don't really know enough to say anything else."

"Great, then let's talk about Richard."

"He's the big brother I never had."

"And is that why you were touching him this morning?"

It took her a moment. "I touched his hand, didn't I? And you're right, that is totally the same thing as you touching your ex-girlfriend. Except that Richard and I don't do too much touching in general, and definitely not that kind."

"That's not true."

Emily repeated his words to herself just to be sure she heard them correctly. "Excuse me? Do you mean some guy other than the one dating Zainab?"

He frowned. "I bet that's never awkward."

Her heart was beating faster. "You'd better take that back. I'd never do anything like that to her."

"So it's okay if you don't tell her about whatever was going on between the two of you before they hooked up?"

"There was nothing—"

"I saw you with him."

He was crazy. "You couldn't have seen anything!"

"I saw him holding you, and not like a big brother."

"What are you talking about?"

"That day in the quad."

She was stunned. There was only one day he could mean, and he was accusing her of... Oh, hell no. "That was the worst day of my life. I had just been literally shaken up by my psycho drug-dealing ex, then found out that Zainab had been raped because of him."

"What?!"

"You caught me. That's our dirty little secret. Drew sold Joe the drugs, and I saw him do it. And Richard and I had the drugs. That was the day I punched Joe out, and then I saw you. Excuse me for being a little upset and needing a hug from a guy who wasn't an ass!" The one thing she'd learned from Drew was to keep fighting. "You are a perfect, jealous pig right now, and where do you get off? When have you ever had a good reason to be jealous?"

Mitch rolled his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

"You want to dance, let's dance. You don't get to screw someone for three months and then whine to me because I was hugging someone or talking to someone! Did I ever blow you off to be with someone else? I am not a toy, and I'm not going to play games, especially when they have different rules for different people."

"When are you going to stop whining and grow up? I made a mistake and I said I was sorry. I've tried to make up for it, but there's nothing you'll let me do. Jesus!" Mitch came in close. "Kyra may have been a piece of work, but being cheated on twice was more fun than this."

Emily threw her iced tea on him. "That ought to cool you off until you can find some more." She got up, marched out, and hoped she'd never have to see him again.

# CHAPTER 61

Emily's anger moved her to the train station. Lesson learned. She never wanted to see Mitch again.

It was when the C train pulled in that she wished she could turn around and run back to Mitch, even if it was to fight with him and be hurt again because that would be easier than getting on the train and going home.

She tried to see Mitch's face. She tried to remember Richard's voice as he'd described the call. She tried to remember how much she despised Michael. None of that worked. All she could see was Zainab starting past her.

She dreaded every step off the train, but she took them anyway. Zainab had every right to tell her she didn't want to see her again, but she deserved to hear Emily apologize first.

Zainab was sitting at the kitchen table when Emily opened the door. Emily smiled in spite of herself. "I thought you'd be at the library."

"I told Richard I wanted to come home. I thought you'd be with Mitch."

"I basically told him the same thing." Zainab didn't say anything. Emily closed her eyes. "I am so sorry."

Zainab scoffed. "What, exactly, are you sorry for?"

"Because I didn't tell you the truth."

Zainab pointed to another chair. "Tell me now."

Emily sat down. "I don't know where to start." She opened her hands. "I saw Joe talking to Drew. I asked them both and I tricked them into lying to me. I should have said something then, but I didn't understand. And I didn't think you'd believe me. Richard tried to tell me what a liar Drew was and I didn't listen, so why would you listen about Joe?

"That day... Richard told me Drew lied about school, his job, his ex-girlfriend. He was a lie. And then I realized what I must have seen, and Richard helped me find the drugs. He took them because he wanted to give Drew a reason to leave, but I think he also thought he was protecting Drew from getting in trouble. Because he's a nice—"

"Then what happened?"

"He brought me here. I was waiting for you to tell me you'd told me so and wanting to hear everything was going to be okay. When you told me what happened, I realized I should have told you everything and I should have gone to that party and I should have killed Joe when I'd had the chance.

"When I left you, I found Joe and I told him I knew. I had the drugs and I had his dealer and if he didn't go away, I'd get Drew to testify against him in exchange for everything else. And he's a stupid little boy, so he agreed. And then I found Richard and told him what happened." Zainab's eyes were red. "And then I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you even more, and I'm sorry."

"You left something out."

"I did?"

"You left out the part about punching Joe in the face."

Emily froze. "How did you... Why did Mitch tell you that?"

"Because he thought I already knew."

Emily slumped back. "I punched him. I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner."

"What is the matter with you?" Zainab leapt up. "What were you thinking?"

She blinked so she wouldn't cry. "That he was a monster."

"You just found out that he attacked me, so you go after him yourself? He could have hurt you, you idiot!"

"I wasn't worried about that."

"I am worried about that! When you came over, I couldn't get off that couch. I didn't want to answer the door because I was scared. If you had called, I wouldn't have picked up the phone. I wasn't going to go to class. My parents weren't going to hear from me. I wasn't going to leave if you hadn't come over, and that means nothing to you! It was more important to be a hero."

"You are the most important person to me—"

"Then act like it!"

Emily stood up. "Didn't you hear me? I wasn't trying to be a hero. I was—" She looked at the ceiling. "I was trying to fix the mess I made."

"That is crazy."

"Drew was a lie, but he was my lie. Anyone with half a brain would have been able to see what he was after the first date. Anyone who wasn't desperate wouldn't have felt saved because some overgrown ten-year-old wanted to play house. I should have seen what he was and what he did, but I would have had to have owned up to having parents who couldn't care less about me. And then you'd know that I'm not worth caring about and I'm not even that smart."

"You really aren't that smart. You think I like you because you're perfect? Or because nothing bad ever happened to you?"

"I don't... Zainab, I'm so sorry."

"I know."

Emily closed her eyes. Her chest heaved. "I think it's time for me to leave."

"Leave where?"

"Here. I'll figure something out. Maybe Miranda has some—"

"Leave as in leave? What is the matter with you?"

"Don't you want me to leave?"

"I'm not allowed to be upset without you wanting to walk out?"

"That isn't what I meant. I just didn't think...you'd want to be around me. I don't know how to make this up to you."

Zainab blinked. "Make this up to me? What did you have in mind? Bringing me the head of a dragon to prove how sorry you are? Stop being a hero."

Emily looked up. "I will on one condition."

"Really?"

"Just hear Richard out."

Zainab turned around. "That is different, and you know it."

"He took a big risk to protect us both."

"He could have gone to jail and ruined his career before it started. Jessie would be...screwed. What was he thinking?"

"That you were worth it."

"I am not calling that man."

"So just pick up when he calls."

Before Zainab could answer, her phone rang. She looked at Emily, who nodded. She sighed. "Hello?"

Emily left. They were going to have a happy ending. She was going to have a nice long walk.

# CHAPTER 62

"Look, I don't want to gossip about Zainab," Emily said after Miranda asked her about Richard and Zainab.

Miranda waved her hand and rested her arm on the café table. "Don't worry, Jessie already did that for you."

"So what do you need me for?"

Miranda sipped her coffee. "Sounds like you could use someone to talk to also."

Emily smiled. "You're sweet. Why don't you tell me what you already know?"

"Let's see. Sophie's ex was a drug-dealing sociopath, you punched out a rapist, Michael grabbed something he shouldn't have on the way out of town just because he's Michael, and Richard desperately wants to take Zainab to the Cape."

Emily held up a hand. "Fine. There were a lot of phone calls, a couple of late-night visits—which were really awkward because I sleep in the living room—and a list of conditions, but Zainab finally agreed to go last night."

Miranda grinned. "Oh good! She's the best thing that ever happened to him."

Emily sighed. "He can get in line."

"Mmhmm. And how are you doing?"

"To the best of my knowledge, I am no longer consorting with criminals."

Miranda winked. "Good, let that be my job."

"You know, having punched one and, well, fought off another one, I have no problem dealing with someone if you need help."

Miranda bit her lip. "It's not that simple."

"You don't say," Emily said dryly. She looked at her watch. "Alright, I've got to drop off this last bit for Professor Hazlett."

"And then you're done?"

Emily let those words roll around in her head. "I'm done," she said. She smiled. "Done."

Miranda squeezed her hand. "Congratulations! So what's next? And don't start with your vague 'travel' answer. The smartest person I know isn't allowed to leave without a plan."

Emily forced herself to smile. "Give me a call when you're done with class, okay?" She waved, walked out, and stopped smiling.

~~~

Mitch had texted her five days straight. He was sorry. He was a jealous bastard. He didn't mean a word he'd said. He needed to see her. He'd never stopped thinking of her. And then something about The Prisoner she didn't understand, but it didn't matter. She wasn't going to answer.

Professor Hazlett gratefully accepted Emily's notes. "What are your summer plans?"

"The beach," Emily said, pointing her finger with conviction. "I think I should work on this 'tan' thing I keep hearing about."

Professor Hazlett narrowed her eyes. "And how long do you think you'll last through that?"

"A weekend?"

The older woman chuckled. "I'd say one day. Call me when you're bored. I've got plenty of work for you."

"Really? I thought it was only—"

"Sadly, work doesn't follow academic schedules, and one of the nice things I can say about the funding is that it recognizes that. So as soon as you're ready, your job is waiting." She patted Emily's shoulder. "Now go have some fun."

Emily left the building in a daze. Done. Job. The words kept echoing in her head, so loudly that she didn't hear someone calling her name at first.

"Huh?" She turned around to see Mitch running toward her. She stopped for a second before running down the street in the opposite direction.

He caught up to her right before she could enter the student center. "Jesus!" he panted. "So you're never going to talk to me again?"

Done. "Was there something you didn't cover last time? I think I've said it all, but if you have something you need to get off your chest, you go right ahead. Especially if you want to get more specific about your ex."

His face whitened. "I am so sorry for everything I said at lunch. Zainab told me everything, in between telling me off."

Emily's mouth hung open. "Oh my God, you talked to Zainab? Did you tell her your brilliant theory that Richard and I are having a thing behind her back?"

"No! I already knew I was off-base with that. She called me because she was pissed at me for upsetting you on an already bad day."

"Whatever." Emily shook her head. "You just couldn't trust me. I guess that makes us even."

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, stopped, then started again. "You had a good reason, and I didn't. I'm asking—I'm begging—for one more chance."

"Do you know the definition of insanity?"

"I think you mean the one about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I'm thinking there has to be one about someone who keeps getting in his own way." He looked up at the sky, then back at her. "I met you a while ago and I haven't stopped thinking about you since then. But we're standing here right now and you're not with me. And that's my fault, and you have to believe me that I would change everything I did after that night on the bench to make it different."

"I don't believe you. And even if I did, it wouldn't matter." She was going to say the rest of it now because it didn't matter anymore. "Nothing that happened this year was your fault, but not being teased and dumped might have made everything else a little better. I sort of hate you when I think about it. I don't know if I'll ever be able to think of Ireland again without getting mad. I don't need someone else to make me feel bad about myself, okay? That's a lousy thing to say, but it's the truth, and maybe that's why everything gets screwed up between us. Maybe we had our chance, and we don't get another one." His green eyes looked a little blue. That made them more beautiful. "And another thing. I don't know what you did while you were away, but you're really hot now. I lust after you. But it's not the same. Now you're just another beautiful thing I can't have, like new clothes or books for class. And I sort of hate you even more for that. I'm used to not having things. But you should stop waving yourself in my face."

He didn't speak at first. "I hated myself," he finally said, "more than you can imagine. I puked my guts out the night I should have been with you. I went looking for you even when I wouldn't admit I was looking for you. But I never found you. I didn't want to sacrifice Ireland, but I couldn't think of why someone like you would wait for me. You were just nineteen and how could you not meet someone while I was gone? No, that's wrong. I didn't think I'd be able to leave you if I saw you again, and that stupid voice in my head kept reminding me that I needed to. So it was easier not to call you, because then you'd hate me and the choice was out of my hands. I did it for good reasons, but I knew I was wrong. I didn't feel like a real person, and that's why I stayed with Kyra, even though she treated me like I was an idiot. I didn't care, and that's the God's honest truth. I almost called you once. Miranda must have told you. And I would have, but I didn't know what I could have said that wouldn't have made me sound like a fool. I guess I still don't. Em, I'm not as stupid as I look or act. I get it. Seeing you with Richard, even thinking of you with that creep Drew, I get what it must be like for you to think about me with her. All I can say is that I'm sorry and I want to make it up to you. I don't know how, but I'll do anything. And please don't hate Ireland, because it's beautiful. You should see it sometime...with me. I don't ever want to go that far away without you again."

She nodded and looked away. "I had my own Ireland. It was graduating. It was my reward for doing everything the way I was supposed to, for finally being good enough." She was tired. "Want to hear a joke? It's very funny. What happened to the girl who wanted to do everything right? She screwed up anyway, and if she didn't, she found something or someone to do it for her." She opened her hands. "How come you're not laughing?"

"Because it isn't funny. What were you doing? Zainab must have been confused. You and Richard weren't really hiding drugs in his house. Right?"

"No, we were," Emily nodded. "I mean, they were prescription drugs—"

Mitch shuddered. "Still not funny. What were you thinking?"

Emily flopped her hands. "I wasn't at first, but after I started talking, I was thinking that they weren't smart enough to do anything but run. I think I always knew it was garbage, but as long as they were scared... It was my imaginary leverage." She fought back tears. "And now it's gone. If they come back, I've got nothing. And neither does Zainab."

"Yes, you do. You have me."

"Gee, that's sweet, but—"

"Okay, that isn't what I meant. I will take Joe to the police myself if he comes anywhere near Zainab."

"And get him charged with what? Being a moron? What are you going to do, bring videos of his speeches as evidence?"

"No, with rape. Before he left—after you punched him—he told me what he did, including the drugs."

"What?"

"I brought the police over the next day, but he was gone. If he comes back, there's already a warrant out for his arrest."

Emily felt like she was breathing for the first time in months. "Oh my God."

"And correct me if I'm wrong, but he didn't deny it when you talked to him, did he?"

She shook her head. "No," she whispered. "He...was practically bragging about it."

"Then that's a confession too."

"You mean—"

"I mean you and Richard can stop stashing stolen narcotics now."

Her mind was racing. "Is Richard going to get in trouble?"

"I don't know, but do you think Drew is going to press charges for theft since it sort of sounds like he stole them himself?"

"Oh my God." She started feeling a stone come off her chest...but wait. "I thought about going to the police. That was the first thing. But she didn't want to."

"That is normal."

"She didn't want to leave," Emily said as if making her own confession.

"I know."

"And I couldn't let Joe...be there, where she might see him—"

"It's not your fault," he said gently.

"I should have known what Drew was doing. I shouldn't have let Zainab blow me off every time I said something about Joe—"

"It's not your fault none of us took him seriously."

"I should have been able to stop him."

"There's nothing you could have done."

"Don't say that. There's always something."

"You're right. Joe could have suddenly developed a conscience."

"No, if I had just...said something...proven it, I could have stopped it."

"Emily." He reached for her. She didn't stop him. He stroked her hair. "You did everything you could have, and more than most people would have. It's not your fault. Why are you blaming yourself?"

She moved her head away. "If I were half as smart as I let people think I am, I'd have known what was going on. What good are all of those tests I aced if I failed the one time I really needed to pass?" She refused to cry. "She's the only person who really loved me. Maybe other people loved me, a little bit, but I was never good enough. I could have been a better daughter, a better student. I could have been...more. I could have been whiter. I could have been more Korean. I could have been prettier. I could have been less of a nerd. But I was never going to be better, and I was never going to be enough. So I hid out where I wouldn't have to be. But then I came out, and Zainab found me. And she loved me just as I was. Has anyone ever loved you like that?"

"I don't know. There was this one girl. I told her what a drunken idiot I was in my frat, and she told me I was brave, courageous, and dedicated. And I remember those words really well, because she was very hard to impress." He smiled. "I guess I should have recognized my real rival all along, huh?"

"Zainab doesn't have a rival. She's the only person I'd do anything for."

"Right," he said slowly. "So you get into fights with sociopaths for all of your casual acquaintances?"

"That guy hurt my friend."

"Your real friends don't want you to get hurt for them."

"Oh, well, it's a good thing I had you to protect me...with spinach dip."

"I have my uses."

She pointed into his chest. "No, you don't. Thank you, you can go to the police—if Zainab is okay with it—but you aren't allowed to shove anyone's face in food again. Certainly not the kind of people who have big money behind them."

"Let me get this straight: you're okay to beat up two rapists and commit some minor felonies, but avoid the police at almost all costs, but I can't serve veggie dip to someone who hurt the person I care about? Did I mention I'm about six feet tall?"

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall. And I'm pretty wily."

"Yeah? And I think you don't realize how upset everyone would be if anything happened to you."

Emily thought of what Zainab had said to her. "Maybe I do," she said softly.

"Good. Then promise you're going to stop being a vigilante from now on."

"Fine...on one condition: you stay away from Michael Abbot."

"Oh, hell no! I am going to kick that guy's ass the next time I see him, and I don't care how many well-connected people watch me do it."

"Alright, well, if you won't negotiate..." Emily shrugged.

"Negotiate, huh?" Mitch raised one eyebrow. "We might be able to work something out. I will agree to your terms if you—" He cleared his throat. "—give me one more chance."

She noticed he was still wearing the band. She looked up at him as bravely as she could. "What does this chance look like?"

"What are your plans for Saturday?"

"I was thinking of sleeping in late, maybe catching a movie—"

"You're not going to walk?"

"And sit in the heat while someone lectures me and then wait two hours for my name to be called? Thanks, but I'll just pick up my diploma tomorrow."

"You can do that?"

She winked. "Professor Hazlett pulled a few strings for me."

"Hmm. No one did for me, and even if they had, my parents have been looking forward to this for the past five years, and I really don't want to piss them off right now."

"Have fun."

"You could still have dinner with me—and my parents," he added quickly. "That's something else they've been looking forward to."

"Dinner with you? I bet that's never happened before."

"Dinner at some stupid expensive restaurant. They wanted to throw me a graduation party, but I nixed that. Dinner, with a friend, was our compromise."

"So who were you going to ask if you hadn't caught me?"

"That was never an option."

Her cheeks tingled. "What if I say no?"

He moved in closer. "Then my parents are going to be very disappointed."

She looked up at him. All she could see were green eyes. "And you'll beat Michael up, don't forget."

He put his hands on her hips. "And I'll beat up Michael, I'll go to jail, and then my parents will be really upset."

Emily put her hands on his chest. "I guess Mister and Missus Graham haven't done anything to deserve that."

"You know, they really haven't," he whispered before he bent down to kiss her.

She'd thought about kissing him more times than she'd wanted to admit. She forgot all of that just then. The real thing was much better than she'd imagined.

He pulled away and put his forehead on hers. "Did you just say yes?"

She kissed him again. "I...just said yes."

He kissed her back. "Then I'm going to leave now before I can screw this up again."

She smiled. "I think that's for the best."

"But you should kiss me one more time before I leave, just in case you change your mind and I never get to do this again."

"A little faith," she whispered before she pulled him into another kiss.

# CHAPTER 63

Emily woke up at nine on Saturday morning. By ten, Emily was out of the apartment. She walked to the upscale little diner on Beacon Street to meet her mother for brunch.

Her mother was waiting. "Hi, Mom," Emily said as she sat down. She showed her mother her diploma.

Her mother read the cursive of the diploma. "Summa Cum Laude," she said out loud. "Very good. I wouldn't have expected anything else." She paused. "I know how hard you worked."

They ordered and talked. Her mother had looked at other jobs, but nothing had come up yet. There were a few contacts she was working on, but they might take a while.

At noon, Emily kissed her mother good-bye on the street after she agreed to hold onto the diploma for safekeeping. She promised to get it framed. Emily waved. It was good to let some things go.

~~~

Miranda came over at three o'clock. "Okay, what are you wearing tonight?" When Emily showed her the halter top and skirt, Miranda shook her head in disgust. "Come on!"

Emily agreed to go to Miranda's house once she was assured that Alex wasn't home. After an hour and a half, they settled on a red and white wrap dress, bare legs, and black heels. Then Miranda insisted on putting up her hair and doing her makeup. "Did you and Jessie play a lot of dress-up when you were little?"

"We played it last year!"

Miranda called a car for Emily to take her to the restaurant on Newbury Street. She made a face when Emily told her the address. "Whose idea was that?"

"You're a snob."

"But you love me anyway."

Emily was right on time when she got to the restaurant. The Grahams were already there.

Mitch came over. "Wow. You look gorgeous. And the dress is nice too."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mitch's mother tap his father on the elbow. He nodded. "You must be Emily. Mitch, aren't you going to introduce us?"

After they ordered, Emily answered questions about her parents, what she'd studied, and what she was planning on doing. They seemed particularly impressed that she had family in Queens.

"And how old are you?"

"I'll be twenty at the end of August."

"I'm sorry," Mrs. Graham said, "didn't you say you just graduated?" Emily gave the most abbreviated story she could. "Well, you certainly seem to have your head on your shoulders. I wish I'd been as ambitious and dedicated at twenty as you are."

"Let's see if our twenty-three-year-old can absorb some of this young lady's smarts, and then he'll get through law school just fine."

Emily tilted her head. "I thought you were twenty-two?"

"His birthday was only last month, so you're close."

She was genuinely surprised. "How come you didn't tell me?"

Mitch rolled his eyes. "It wasn't important."

"That's because you're all grown up. I'm a big baby about my birthday."

"I guess I am, too." Mrs. Graham sniffed. "I wanted to take Mitch out for his birthday, but he told me he had some important plans with friends."

"Mom, it wasn't a big deal."

Emily looked at him. "Mitch, when is your birthday?"

"April twenty-fifth," his father piped up.

On April twenty-fifth, she'd broken her date with him after she saw him trying to get rid of his ex-girlfriend and then stayed up all night watching James Bond, listening to Monk, and eating chips. Her face burned.

She couldn't say anything when they were in the backseat of his parent's car. Mitch took her hand and squeezed it, as if to say everything was okay. She squeezed back, as if to say thank you.

Mitch walked her to her front door. He still held her hand. "I can come back in less than an hour."

She shook her head. "No. Go to sleep. You've had a big day. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Isn't Zainab in Shangri-La with Richard?"

"Yes, but there is something I have to do before I see you."

"Do you promise you'll come over?"

"I promise. Now get back to the car before your parents get mad."

She went upstairs and sat in the dark for a long time, taking comfort in the dim street lights and smiling at the sounds of traffic.

It was good to let some things go.

# CHAPTER 64

Emily groaned on Sunday morning when she realized she didn't have everything she needed. She went out to Whole Foods and came back an hour later. By nine-thirty, she was done. She packed up then walked over to Mitch's apartment.

She jumped when he opened the door. He was standing in his boxers and nothing else. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Good morning."

"Did you forget that you asked me to come over, or do you always answer the door in your boxers?"

He grinned and kissed her. "Really? You don't like what you see at all?"

She smiled. "I suppose I can live with it," she said as she walked in and he closed the door. "But the real question is, do you like this?" She pulled a plastic container out of the bag she was carrying, lifting the lid.

"Oh, wow!" Mitch said as he grabbed a lemon cupcake and ate it in one bite. "Hmm, these are good." He reached for another one. "Why did you bring cupcakes?"

"It's a belated birthday present."

"What? You didn't have to do that. You already got me something." He gestured to the band lying on his dresser.

"That wasn't a birthday present."

He grabbed another cupcake. "You know, you've missed a bunch of other birthdays too. And Chanukahs."

"I think you've eaten enough for at least three so far."

Mitch was showered and dressed fifteen minutes later. "So," he said, popping another cupcake in his mouth. "What are we doing today?"

"Since we didn't get to do anything on your birthday, I guess you get to pick."

His face lit up. "I know exactly what I want to do."

She blushed, but he grabbed her by the hand, took another cupcake, and headed out the door. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

They got off the train at Arlington. He led her across Boylston and Newbury. "Was there something you wanted to buy?"

"Nope."

They crossed Commonwealth Ave, then Beacon, then walked left until they got to Dartmouth. By now, she knew where they were going. They crossed over the footbridge and walked a short way until they got to the spot. No one was sitting on their bench.

"It looks the same," he said after they sat down.

She shrugged. "Not everything changes. But, Mitch, there's something I've been meaning to ask you for a while."

"Yes?"

"Did you ever track down the girls who took the pictures of you and your frat brothers?"

He put his arm around her. "Do you want to talk about some girls who took advantage of me when I was inebriated, or do you want to do something else?"

She put her hand on his cheek. "Now what did you have in mind, Mister Graham?"

He pulled her closer. "I'm sure I'll think of something," he said before he kissed her.

They stayed on the bench for hours until Emily realized she was hungry. They took the train to the North End and she took him to a little restaurant that looked like it was a bar out of an old Western. She laughed while he ate his big bowl of pasta. "What? I'm a growing boy with a big appetite."

"Promises, promises."

At four-thirty, he asked, "And for dessert?"

"I don't think I'm going to find anything vegan here, unfortunately."

He raised his eyebrows. "The cupcakes are vegan."

"Yes, but they're at your place."

He waited a moment. "So I guess we'll have to go back there."

She put her finger on her lips. "That's a long way to go for a dessert."

"Oh, but they're really good."

"I know, I made them."

He smiled. "But you haven't eaten them in my apartment."

They walked to the train station. He kissed her hand and she stroked his face. She leaned in. "Haven't you had cupcakes at my place? You didn't think they tasted good there?"

"They were very good," he whispered. "But I have something at my place that will make them taste even better."

"And when," she whispered back, "did you become such an expert on cupcakes?"

"I've been thinking about them for a long time now."

She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "And what else have you been thinking about?"

He rubbed her back. "What do I have to do to get you to make cupcakes for me for the rest of my life?"

~~~

When they were back at his place, Mitch took her hands. "Just...stand right there." He grabbed his iPod and scrolled through for a few seconds. "There." He put it into the speakers.

Paul Anka came on and crooned the song she'd mentioned that night on the bench. Her face tingled. He remembered. "Oh, very classic," she said when he put his arms around her.

His hands slid down to her hips. "I try."

"What are you trying now?"

"To get you to dance with me."

"So ask me."

"Will you dance with me?"

"I would love to."

She put her hands on his shoulders. He led them around the room, first taking little steps, then letting his strides grow. She didn't usually like to be led, but he moved well.

"Song's over," he whispered a few minutes later.

"So it is," she said shyly. "Now what?"

His cheeks turned red. "Oh, I don't know. I thought...maybe, if you wanted to..."

She traced down the center of his chest. "Of course I want to."

"But?"

She swallowed. "I don't want to worry that I'm being compared to someone else."

"Didn't I tell you once before? You're in a class by yourself." He stroked her hair. "But what about me? Do you know how hard it is to have to compete with stars?"

"You remembered that?" she asked incredulously.

"Now how," he asked as he leaned down to kiss her, "could I forget something like that?"

~~~

She could tell by the way he undressed her that he had thought about being with her as much as she had thought about being with him, but the way he touched her and the way their bare skin felt next to each other was something that couldn't be planned or rehearsed.

Hours later, they saw the sun begin to peek through the window. They lay in bed, under the sheet, as they had at the end of their yoga class.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered.

"Stars," she murmured sleepily.

He kissed her neck and she turned over to him. She kissed him then touched his face. "What are you thinking?"

"What am I going to say to convince you not to leave?"

"Well, Professor Hazlett is giving me a few weeks off."

"I meant something a little more permanent."

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "I might have to have you negotiate with Zainab. I still have a lot of back rent I need to work off."

He turned onto his back and pulled her on top of him. "I bet she'd let you go if you kept her stocked in cupcakes."

"She's more about scones and brownies."

"Give me your recipes and I'll bake them for her."

She kissed his forehead. "You'd do all that baking just to keep me here?"

"I'd cook anything anyone wanted to keep you here."

Sleepy, she closed her eyes. "If I move in with someone else, those guys are not going to let me live it down."

She didn't hear his answer before she drifted off.

# CHAPTER 65

Later that morning, they lingered in bed, then showered and got back in bed. It was two in the afternoon before they could go out. Mitch would have been happy to have stayed in bed all day, but Emily insisted on getting some food.

They ended up in Chinatown because Emily had heard about a dim sum restaurant that had some vegan offerings. "I can't think of a better way to celebrate graduating than getting some rolled rice noodles and almond Jell-O with you."

Mitch sat down and laughed. "I would expect nothing less from the woman whose idea of a good date is a cheese sandwich."

"Cheese sandwich," Emily mused as she opened her menu. "One more thing that turned out to be bad for me."

Mitch was quiet after ordering. Emily looked at him sipping his tea and smiled.

"Yes?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

She blushed. "You are so unfair when you draw attention to your eyes."

He took her hand. "Why?"

She stroked his fingers. "Because you know I can't think straight when I look at them."

"Then you're in trouble, because my plan is that you're going to have to look at them for the rest of your life."

The food came before she could answer. She looked away and cut into a noodle with her fork. "You know, I haven't had these in ages."

He took a bite of his. "These are really good." He took another bite. "I think you should learn how to make them."

She looked up. "Excuse me?"

"I'm going to law school in the fall. Probably won't be able to afford dim sum in the middle of the week like this very often. But it would be a shame not to have it at all."

She swallowed. "I see. And you can't learn to make it?"

"I can cook, but I think you've proven you have more skills."

"Skills are acquired."

"This is true," he nodded. "But, like I said, I'll be in law school."

"Uh huh."

He smiled. "Yep."

"Is there something you want to ask me?"

"Will you marry me?"

"What?"

"Well, you said it yourself: if you move in with someone else, Zainab's never going to leave you alone about it."

"So I should marry you? After one night?"

He smiled. "It has actually been more than six months."

"Sort of. But even that is considered a very short engagement."

"By whom? And why should I care what they think?"

"Your food's getting cold."

"I'm not eating until you give me an answer."

"If you're not going to have time to learn how to make a dim sum dish, what makes you think you'll have time to be married?"

"Priorities?"

"Don't you think marriage is harder than cooking?"

"Much. But I know for a fact that being without you is much harder than being with you."

"So what's wrong with dating? You stay where you are, I stay where I am, and when you're out of school, we can see if you still want to get married."

"Why are you worried I'm going to change my mind?"

She leaned back in her booth. "You're going to meet all kinds of people in law school. You can't know whether you're going to look at one of them and wish you could be with them instead of me."

"I do know." He took her hand and kissed her fingertips. "I've known since the night I met you, but I couldn't get out of my own way. It doesn't matter who else I meet."

"I don't believe you. I think you think this is a great idea right now, but by the end of the summer, you'll change your mind."

He grinned. "What makes you think I want to wait until the end of the summer?"

# CHAPTER 66

Two days later, Emily hung up her phone.

"What did Miranda say?" Mitch asked as he kissed her neck and shoulders.

Emily put her arms around his neck. "She didn't believe me at first."

"Yeah? What did you say to convince her?"

She smiled. "I told her I finally did the smart thing."

"That's what I think," he whispered.

"Well, good. Now she's going to throw us a reception."

He pulled her close to him. She wondered if they'd make it out to that pretty beach outside of their bed and breakfast today. "You're not going anywhere near her house and that creep."

She sat on his lap. "Is that an order?"

He sighed after a moment. "You know I can't think when you look at me like that, much less give orders."

"Then it's settled. The party is in three days."

He kissed her tenderly. "You are not fair, Missus Graham. You know I'd do anything to make you happy."

She kissed him back and forgot all about the beach. "Then don't change a thing, Mister Graham."

# ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book is dedicated to Liseli Mulala, who makes my memories of college and the years after much fonder than they would be otherwise. Thank you for being a good friend and role model.

Emily has Zainab, Jessie, and Miranda. Over the years, the people who have played their roles for me are Odessa Cozzolino, Karen Idra Kaiser, and Makeda Warren Keegan. Thank you, my dears—your support over the years has been invaluable.

I am very lucky to have the best, most supportive sisters I could ask for: Suzanne Nam, who spent many hours giving me her well-thought-out critiques of early drafts; Penelope Nam-Stephen, who was the first person to read this story; Courtney Nam, for being ambitious and good-natured; Elizabeth Nam, for her adventurous spirit; and Katy Nam, who reminds me every day why it's important to be able to speak our truth.

Thanks to my father Kenneth Eui-un Nam, who shocked me when he said writing would be a good career after all, and my mother Eileen Prince, who reminded me to follow my dream.

Many, many thanks to my beta-readers: Sheryl Light, who read everything I gave her and was always willing to talk issues through; Nicole DeSmet, who took time out from her busy job at the to read my manuscript; Allie Gillies, who read my story not once but twice; and Erin Cawood, who decided that helping a fellow writer was worth taking time away from promoting her own book.

In addition to Erin, I want to thank the other indie authors who extended a helping hand and offered advice and support: Al Boudreau, Lisa Stull, Lisette Brodey, Sarah Woodbury, Claudia Hall Christian, and every single writer on the wonderful Indie Writers Unite! Facebook group. When that many talented people want to know what you're waiting for, listen.

Thank you to my wonderful family in Korea, who inspires me to do better than I think I can: Nam Si-Uk, Kim Eun-San, and Nam Jeong-Ho.

My wonderful children Samantha, Jazmyn, Jacob, and Simon everyday help me find stories old and new—and now that they're a little older, I have a little more time to write them. Finally, thank you to my husband Michael, who has believed in my stories from Day One.

# The Family You Choose

An excerpt from the next book in the New Pioneers series...

If anyone is going to understand a sudden elopement, it's Miranda. That's what her parents did...

~~~

It was Israel, 1984, another long summer night. Summer heat was so comforting and dry, unlike the oppressively sticky heat of the Massachusetts beach town he had left just a few weeks before. He smiled. Not that he'd paid much attention to the humidity.

The jeep rolled through the sand, bouncing and jarring every few feet. But Asher Harel hardly noticed. The other guys were cursing under their breath about having to take the night shift, but Ash kept feeling the letter he'd just read and then fingering his ring.

He still needed to pinch himself when he thought of Tatiana. She was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. She was like something out of a fairy tale with honey blonde hair, the greenest eyes he'd ever looked at and skin that remained luminous despite hours in the sun. She was a miracle of nature.

He'd thought so when he first saw her in Faneuil Hall that day. Spring was just starting- at least, what they called spring in Massachusetts. Ash felt a chill and looked at his tee-shirt. Most places, he could wear a tee-shirt in the spring. He didn't want to buy one more thing he'd have to pack up, but he needed another layer. "Excuse me?" he said to several of the passersby before they walked away. Ash snorted a little bit. People were much nicer last year in New York. He looked around at the stores, unsure of which one he should go into.

"Are you lost?" someone asked quietly. He turned around and there she was. The first thing he saw, of course, were the beautiful eyes. And then the smile. He had to smile back. Then he saw the rest of the face, perfectly oval, perfectly smooth.

"I think so," he said after a moment. "Lost and a little out of my element. I didn't realize it was going to be so cold today.

"I guess not," she laughed. Her laugh was huskier than her voice. "You were looking for a clothing store?"

"Yes, but not too expensive. I'm a tourist-"

"Really? I never would have guessed by the accent."

"Oh, aren't you smart? So can you tell me where I'm from?"

She winked one eye shut and wrinkled her nose. "Germany?"

"Ha!" Ash involuntarily laughed. "No, not for some time."

"Then where?"

"Israel."

"Oh." She nodded knowingly. "I guess that will do as well."

"But where is your accent?" he asked. "You don't sound like the other Bostonians."

She giggled. "Thank you. My grandmother will be very pleased to hear you say that. I'm not from Boston."

"Then where are you from?"

"You haven't heard of it, I promise."

"So tell me now and the next time someone asks me where the prettiest girls live, I can tell them."

"And why would anyone believe you about anything when you can't even bring a sweater to Boston in the middle of winter?"

"It's supposed to be spring!" he laughed.

"Never listen to the weather reports in Boston- everyone will believe you about that."

By the time they had walked down Congress Street, he had told her his name. By the time they walked down Washington Street to Filene's Basement, she had told him his. They learned each other's life stories as he picked out his sweater, and by the time they were at the checkout he had decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"When do I get to meet this grandmother of yours?" he asked as they got a cup of coffee at a Dunkin Donuts.

"She doesn't always like strangers. It might take a little time."

"No, I have only a little time to convince her that she should let you come back to Israel with me. I must meet her as soon as possible."

"Do you want...." She smiled and looked away. "Never mind."

"I'm sure I want it, whatever it is."

She looked back at him. It was a look he had seen when he was younger, but one he never thought he'd get. "The train leaves in two hours. I suppose you could come with me-"

"I think that's a great idea," he said quickly.

"-but it will be really late when you have to take the return train, and you won't get back until about eleven-thirty."

"Is that late?"

"It is here."

"I'm willing to take my chances."

"Don't worry, I'm not very dangerous."

"I don't believe that's the case."

Ash stayed at Tatiana's house for hours, talking long into the night with her and her grandmother Helen. She was not easy to draw a smile from, but by the end of the evening she wouldn't hear of him going anywhere at such a late hour and set up a bed for him on the couch.

When they awoke the next morning, they found Ash had already made breakfast for them. (He was suddenly very grateful to his mother for all of those times he had to make breakfast while she got the younger children ready.) After that morning, Helen didn't object when Tatiana would leave with Ash, and didn't mention anything when they didn't come back. Her smile was enough for him to know that she approved.

Helen, he repeated to himself. That's a nice name. So was Judah, his brave, stubborn grandfather who'd willed himself and his only surviving son to live through Hell. Tatiana had cried when he'd told her how his grandfather and father had lived through the concentration camps. She promised that she would never forget.

She cried again when he told her he would have to return to Israel. He made his decision at that moment. "We're getting married," he said simply. "Stupid idiot war- I'm going to do what I have to do, then I'm coming back and we're never going to be apart again."

Her pretty eyes were bloodshot. "You're just saying that. You're never coming back again after you leave."

"How can you say that?"

"Because no one ever comes back."

"I swear on my grandfather's life, I'm coming back for you."

"Don't swear anything. Just do something! If you want to marry me, take me back to Israel with you."

"Are you crazy? There's a war now."

"Didn't you say there was always a war?"

"Yes, but this one is new. Please, Tatiana, it's so much more dangerous now."

"But that's where you're going! And you're going into battle!"

"I am not going into battle, alright? My father... I'm not proud, but I'm on patrol duty, not infantry. It's much safer."

"Fine, then take me with you."

"God, my grandfather will love you. You're as stubborn as he is."

"Is that a yes?

"No, you crazy fool. I'd kill myself if anything happened to you there."

"Oh really? And you want to marry me? So where do you suppose we're going to live if Israel isn't safe?"

"Darling, the war isn't going to go on forever."

"There's always a war..."

"Yes, fine, but it will be safe in a few months, and then you'll come over."

"And do you have a date for that?"

"Yes- right after Yom Kippur."

"I don't believe you."

He put his arms around her and kissed her. He meant every word. She kissed him back. "So marry me now," she whispered.

"I think my family is going to want a bigger wedding, and I'm not sure we have enough time to sort out all of the arrangements before I have to leave- "

"We can get married again and everyone can be with us, but if you want me to believe you, then you have to marry me now."

He racked his brain to see if there was anything wrong with what she was proposing. And there wasn't. So he kissed her again. "Alright then, let's get married. We'll do it as soon as the sun comes up."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and grinned. He realized that at this late hour, they had the beach all to themselves. So they used it. Ash smiled at the memory. Of course, that must have been when it happened.

They had gotten out of the jeep by now. Automatically, he began to check his weapon. Good call, he thought. Now no one could count on their fingers around his child, not that those things should matter anyway. And this made things a little easier. His parents, he knew, were not so crazy about his marriage to an American, but he knew that they couldn't say no to their own grandchild. And his grandfather... as long as the baby was raised as a Jew, he'd be happy.

"Ash, look out!" But Ash had been too preoccupied thinking about his pretty new wife and the child they'd have by next year to move out of the way quickly enough. He died from the explosion instantly, but her face was the last image in his mind.

# ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Deborah Nam-Krane was born in New York, raised in Cambridge, and went to school in Boston. You're forgiven for assuming she's prejudiced toward anything city or urban. She's been writing in one way or another since she was eight years old, and telling stories well before that. She first met some of the characters in this story when she was thirteen years old, but it took two decades—and a couple of other characters—to get the story just right.

In 2012, she wrote the history section of her sister Suzanne Nam's Moon Thailand (Moon Handbooks).

Like other indie authors, she hopes her readers will leave reviews on retail sites, Goodreads, and/or their blogs. Nothing helps an indie more!

Keep in touch with Deborah by following her blog and joining her newsletter.

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Copyright Deborah Nam-Krane 2013
