- I didn't know that.
Thank you for telling me that.
I didn't know that.
(cards shuffling)
(computer clicks)
- [Andrew] Look in my eyes
and describe what you see.
- I see a man that I
love very, very deeply...
who I feel like I see all
the things under the surface,
just because I know you so well.
I just see someone who's
very, very special to me,
who I'm very invested in
and who's gonna make me cry.
- You're gonna make
yourself cry. (chuckles)
- [Gilit] Aww.
- [Andrew] Oh, boy.
- How do you describe
our family to others?
- Oh.
- Right.
- Yeah, so openly and
honestly, I think it depends
on who I'm talking to.
- Mm-hm.
- More and more, I would
say that I describe us
as a family where before
I don't think that I did.
I described us more as like I live
with my girlfriend and her two kids.
I didn't, as frequently
describe them as my kids,
but especially when it comes to people
that don't know us as closely
and I'm just describing us,
like I've said before, I'll
refer to you as my wife,
even though we're not married.
- (laughs) You wish.
- I know.
Well because honestly, we don't know
that we're ever gonna do that.
- Right.
- So you know,
it's like how long are we gonna
be together before whatever.
And I'll refer to them as
my kids, a lot of the time.
- I love that.
- Yeah, especially with
people who don't know
and they don't know our situation.
I always just refer to them as our kids.
I don't refer to them
as my girlfriend's kids.
I like that, I like that a lot.
What's the most ridiculous
thing we have done together?
- I think maybe getting
dressed up in sequens, oh yeah.
Okay, and you had a mustache
and we went to the thrift shop
and you got the shirt
and the too tight pants.
I think, possibly dressing
up for a disco night
where nobody else dressed up,
which I did not pick up on.
I thought everyone was gonna dress up.
- I would also add to that, I don't know
if this is ridiculous, but
I think an odd, possibly.
When we went to what's
birthday party, yeah.
- Yeah?
(laughs mischievously)
- You know where I'm
going with this, right?
- I do, I know what you're talking about.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
Yeah, all right, you win, good one.
- That one was pretty ridiculous
where we, should we share
or do we just no, we don't share that?
- No. (laughs)
- (groans) Okay.
- No, but yes, I would
say, I would say yup.
Yes.
- Uh-huh.
- Yes, yes.
- Okay, cool.
- What is the hardest
thing for you right now
and what can I do to support you?
- Oh, boy. (exhales sharply)
- We just talked about this.
- Yeah.
So I guess the hardest
thing for me, currently,
is just my mental health has
been very challenging lately.
And because of that, my
physical health and my...
I guess, just overall
health and I don't know why
and talking, it's like
there isn't a specific event
or reason, I think it's
just my cycle of depression.
And unfortunately, I'm in that
cycle of kinda going down,
but I wanna work with her
and try to figure a way
to get back up and I'm
hopeful that I can put some
of those things in place
and get myself feeling.
What was the other part of that question?
I'm sorry, I just got distracted.
- What can I do to support
you, how can I help you?
(stammer and sighs)
- I think I know the answer.
- We have had this conversation.
Well, just be understanding
and I know it's a hard
and big thing to ask, especially
when your significant other
and partner is sometimes
not being their best selves
and they're not being as helpful, maybe,
around the house as they
usually are or can be.
So it's hard for me to be like,
"Can you just be understanding
that I am depressed
and being lazy."
- But?
- But you have been
incredibly understanding
with all of that.
- Oh, that wasn't my but.
My but was--
- No, I know.
- No, no, what is your but?
- My butt, sorry, two-year-old.
My but was you can, though.
- No, I know.
- And we've talked about this extensively.
I know it doesn't come
easily or naturally to you,
but when you're feeling those places,
when you can communicate to me, be like,
"I'm feeling in a cycle, I'm
feeling depressed," for me,
if you're aware and you're
trying or you're asking for help,
but that can be hard too, I don't know
if I'm even allowed to ask you for that.
(laughs)
So I don't know,
but I want, I don't
know, maybe if generally,
I know that you're trying.
- Yeah.
- I don't know what the correct answer is.
- I think, and that's
what we were discussing,
is going through these phases...
it's gonna happen, but trying to work
on getting out of it is important.
And you know, I wanna do that.
Not just for you, but
for myself, obviously.
'Cause I hate feeling that way
and yeah, I'll be more open with it.
- The hardest thing for me
right now is how much anxiety
and heavy responsibility I
feel over the coming months.
I don't know what my job's gonna be.
I don't know what's gonna
happen with the kids.
I know it's gonna be really hard.
I worry about the world, I
worry about the teachers,
I worry about all the things
and sometimes, I can feel it.
It's like it feels physical.
I can feel it descending
on my shoulders right now,
how I feel so heavy the responsibility
of doing a good job with them.
I feel, oh no, tears are coming.
I feel the responsibility
of being a mother so,
so heavy on me, I want so
badly to do a good job.
I know that I made it hard
on them by getting divorced.
I know it was the right decision,
but it has repercussions.
You can do the right thing
and it'll have repercussions
and how you can support it
is probably just listening...
and not comparing it to
anybody else and not saying,
"Everyone is dealing with
this," or anything like that.
Just really just letting me
talk it out because sometimes,
I just feel a lot lighter
when I'm not the only one.
I have so many thoughts all the time.
And sometimes, I just
wanna share it with someone
and I don't want you to
take the burden of it.
I know in the beginning of our
relationship, you were like,
"Well, I don't like to
burden other people."
I'm like, "It's a burden,
please share with me, please."
And still, please always
share with me, I want it.
It's not a burden, it's a
pleasure to share anything
with you and I hope it's
not a burden on you,
but if I could just share
with you and just listen.
And that's it.
- I can do that.
I can do that.
- Thanks.
Woo!
Okay, (pants) next.
- I think it's my question?
- Next question?
- Yeah, I think it's mine.
How were you raised differently (laughs)
and how do you think it's
affecting our relationship?
- All right, well let
me adjust in my seat.
How was I raised differently?
Let me count the ways.
- Every way, almost every way.
- Let's do this, all right.
You are an only child, I'm one of five.
You had two parents who gave
you, I love your parents,
they gave you unconditional love.
My upbringing was not like that.
Your parents, they didn't
discipline you very much.
Mine very much did and there
are some good sides to that.
I can discipline myself now. (laughs)
We have grown up differently in, maybe,
every way there is to grow up.
- Oh, quite possibly, I mean it's--
- Except that we're
both white and straight.
- Okay (laughs) white and straight, right.
- Jewish, so there's
that whole conversation,
but how it affects us, all the ways
because I am never convinced
that someone loves me,
unconditionally, I don't
think anybody is safe.
If my parents can not love me,
if my parents can reject me,
if my parents can not support me,
who on this earth would ever?
Like there's nobody.
- Mm-hm.
- Oh shit.
Now, it happened.
That's huge and I think in some ways,
it means that it made me a better mom
because I'm so conscious
of providing my children
with respect and support and acceptance.
And I think my priorities
are in a better place.
- Sometimes, you see things a certain way
that I like look at and I'm like,
"Oh, well that's not a big
deal or that's not this,"
because I grew up so differently,
like where everything was easy.
And like when we talk about
your kids and their relationship
with themselves and also with
other children and stuff,
we have very different outlooks
on it because my childhood
and my upbringing was so,
I mean, it was incredible.
I had such a great childhood
and such a great relationship
with my friends, and I had
proximity where I was close
to all these people and they
were constantly in my lives.
And I know that you didn't
necessarily always have that.
And I know that your kids don't have that
because of having to move
around after divorce.
And that's why I kinda let you
lead on most of those things
because I think you have
a much, much better idea
of what they're going through
and how they're feeling,
and the struggles of being
a child of divorced parents.
- I've just been a mom longer.
- Well, you've also been a mom longer.
I haven't been a mom that long.
- No, you're new to motherhood.
- I'm new to motherhood, yeah.
- It looks good on you.
- Thanks.
- If this were gonna be
our last conversation ever,
what's something you would
never want me to forget?
Do you wanna answer first or
do you want me to go first?
- (groans) I guess you can go first?
- Okay, just I'm gonna
cry, so deal with it.
Okay.
- So if this was our
last conversation ever?
Oh Jesus.
- Versus who?
Us and "Skin Deep?"
- Well no, right.
- I must want them
to know how good they are at their jobs.
If this were our last conversation ever,
what would I want you to know, oh my God.
I would be bawling my
fucking eyes out. (chuckles)
Our last conversation ever, I just,
I would never want you to forget...
how deeply you are loved.
How this person...
knows you pretty fucking deeply, I'd say.
I know you really well.
I know good, bad, upside down, all of it.
Weird note, (stammers)
you're a weirdo and a half.
And I just love you so fucking deeply
and no matter what ever
happens between the two of us,
I would never want you to forget
that you were just so seen.
I think I really see you,
I hope you feel that way
and that you were so loved.
I just would want you to
know that to your core
and never forget just all
the goodness about yourself.
So go fuck off.
- I think outside of me loving you,
unconditionally, and that I do
and that I always will, regardless
of our relationship status,
I hope that it stays forever.
But if this were our
actual last conversation,
I guess what I would want you
to know more than anything is
that moving forward in life,
I just I need you to know
that you're you're worth it,
you're worth someone's love.
All right, you're making me cry.
Just, you deserve compassion.
You deserve love, unconditionally.
And all the things that you carry with you
from when you were younger,
I know they can't be let go,
but...
you, you're worth it.
(sniffling)
- You're so stupid for crying.
- I hate you, I hate you so much.
(laughs)
- Jayden here, from "The Skin Deep."
Thank you guys so much for watching.
If you wanna have more
meaningful conversations,
please make sure to check out
the relationship card game.
You could find that at
theskindeep.com/shop.
Thank you.
