You're listening to Radio Apocalypse, broadcasting from the year 2084. I'm
Clement Smith and here are today's
headlines from around the existing
United Kingdom... Rats and squirrels team
up to swarm Croydon. 50 foot tapeworm
pulled out of arse of 21-year old man
described as "compelling". Underground
settlement gasses itself attempting to
make Dr. Pepper. Scale of human
decimation said to be incalculable by
man with access to books. Cannibalism on
the rise in Home Counties. Kitten with
different coloured eyes denounced as
"harbinger of pestilence" and burned alive
by Essex witch
All this and more at eight. In another
scavenger report: he survived the 1960s
he survived decades of self-abuse, he
survived the atomic war, he continues to
survive the Nuclear Winter, he has
survived until his one hundred and
fortieth birthday - and counting - and
yesterday he survived an attack by a
pack of radioactive dingoes! It's none
other than Keith Richards and we have
him on the line to speak with us. Keith,
tell us all about last night's ordeal
...
...
...
what did you say? And...
and the bloody two heads. Bye!
Keith Richards, ladies and
gentlemen. And this is what he must have
been thinking, as he lay in a pool of his
own gore, brutally savaged by
bloodthirsty rabid canines, broken and
all alone, Gimmie Shelter!
And welcome back I am Clarence Smith and no I haven't joined the Scavengers, but I do
socialise with a couple of them and
black eye makeup is mandatory. You're
listening to radio apocalypse
continuously broadcasted from the year
2084... literally continuously. Julio, when's nightfall I'm starting to get
really hungry... Anyway we're never off air,
broadcasting back in time today to the
year 2008, and that's to help
any listeners in a past prepare for the
coming Global Financial Crisis, courtesy
of Julio's time machine prototype. Of
course, non-physical communication only
as we attempt, unsuccessfully, to send
physical form back in time, hence radio. And as Queen sang: "It's yet to have its
finest hour..."
And if radio could prevent the lead-up
to the nuclear apocalypse then Radio
Ga Ga was incredibly prophetic!
But why was humankind almost wiped out,
and now lives like and among the animals?
some say that 1% just grew bored of owning everything, with the majority of the
population and democracy both utterly
crushed - an apocalyptic suicide note
taking everything, literally, with them - I
guess us few remaining survivors will
never know. Anyway here's a song, any song, doesn't really matter... Julio we
should forage for dinner before the
mutants come out...
