Well, boys, we did it.
The Avengers finally beat Avatar.
We're the best, aren't we?
Hey, you guys, mind if
I join the Avengers?
No way, you're just a stupid
Netflix show and we hate you.
Yeah, but in some cases the Netflix shows
are arguably higher
quality than the movies.
Sorry, nerd, we can't hear you
over the sound of you being
unceremoniously canceled
and then replaced by a
bunch of Disney Plus shows
as though you never even existed.
Now die!
(fighting noises)
Ah, let me join in.
(fighting noises)
(buzz) Whoo!
[Janine] Mr. Richards,
Spiderman is here to see you.
Ah, yes, please send him in, Janine.
Well, if it isn't everyone's
favorite web head.
How ya doin', Spidey?
Well, if I'm being frank, Mr. Richards,
am I allowed to be frank, by the way?
With the amount of money
you're bringing in, Petey,
you can be whatever you want.
Well then, frankly,
I'm not doing so hot.
This whole Sony Disney
Spiderman breakup fiasco
is really throwing me for a loop.
I mean, first I was an Avenger,
and then I was the new Ironman,
and now I'm legally neither
and I have to be in that
terrible Venom sequel.
It's just a lot, sir.
I haven't been this upset since that time
in The Amazing Spiderman Two.
Oh, you mean when Gwen Stacy died?
No, I mean when I agreed to
make The Amazing Spiderman 2.
Horrible movie.
Oh, I know.
It barely broke 700
million at the box office.
What a train wreck.
But I hear what you're saying, Petey.
Look, things can seem really
scary and confusing right now,
but you've got to look at the positives.
Now that you'll be back with Sony,
you can finally be your own man, you know?
Maybe you can make a movie
where you're not just
Tony Stark's sidekick,
even after he's dead.
I mean, wouldn't you
like to have a villain
whose origin and motivations
were actually tied
to your character, and
not just another guy
screwed over by Tony Stark?
Yeah, yeah, that would
be kinda nice. (chuckles)
And if you're not spending
like 80% of your screen time
with people from the MCU, you
can finally start developing
your supporting cast of
pleasant but shallow facsimiles
of beloved comic book
characters into well-rounded,
three-dimensional characters.
Yeah, I guess Ned really did
just kind of drop off
the face of the Earth
in that last movie.
Besides, Disney still
owns all your comic, TV,
and most importantly,
merchandising rights,
so you'll still be a round
in all the ways that matter
to our bottom line.
And hey, you're still getting
your own ride at Disneyland,
and it's right next to the Avengers ride,
so it's kinda like
you're still an Avenger.
That's a better deal than
we're giving Hawkeye.
If you ask me, things
are looking petty good
in the old Spidey-verse.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what?
Things really aren't that bad. (chuckles)
Wait, no, no, I know what you're doing!
You're doing that whole
fancy smancy Hollywood talk
to make everything sound like it's good,
but really, you just want
me to do whatever you say.
Well I'm sorry, Mr. Richards,
but I've seen the online reaction.
I've looked at the petitions
and I've read the blog posts.
I know what the people want,
and they want me back in the MCU.
And I'm not leaving here until
you patch things up with Sony
and make me an Avenger again.
Wow.
Spiderman, the passion
you displayed here today
has really moved me.
Really?
Yes.
So much so that I'm gonna get on the horn
with the head of Sony pictures
and set this whole thing right.
That's amazing.
When?
About six months ago when
we planned this whole charade.
Wh-wh-wh-what?
Oh, Spidey, my naive little cash cow,
there never was a break up.
We've had your release
date locked with Sony
since before Comic Con.
Everything that's happened has just been
an elaborate puppet show put
on by our marketing department.
So many questions.
I guess the most pressing, why?
To keep the Spider brand
in the spotlight, Petey.
See, there was some concern internally
that with all the new MCU movies
and Disney Plus shows in the pipeline,
that Spiderman was gonna
get lost in the shuffle.
So we devised a plan
that would keep Spiderman
in the headlines for months
without spending a single
cent on marketing. (chuckles)
Really, it was a stroke of pure genius.
Genius?
How was that genius?
You just made a bunch
of people really mad.
Not mad, Parker, invested.
See we learned an important lesson
from the James Gunn Guardians
of the Galaxy three situation.
We already knew that if you take something
people love away from them,
it'll make them angry.
That's obvious.
But what we learned is that
if you then give it back to people
after enough public outcry,
people will feel as though
they somehow contributed to
what they see as a victory,
which increases their personal investment.
After rehiring James Gunn,
we practically ensured
a record number of butts
would be firmly planted
in theater seats when Guardians 3 opens.
And that got us thinking,
what if we could take it a step further?
Control the narrative
from beginning to end.
So we had a little chat with Sony,
and came up with the idea
that they'd pretend to stop sharing
the Spiderman movie rights with us.
There'd be a breakdown
during contract negotiations,
deafening silence during D23,
rumors of possible reconciliation
spattered throughout
the summer until finally
peace was made and Spiderman was back
where he belonged in the MCU.
We created the ultimate soap opera,
and the entire world was our middle-aged,
emotionally unfulfilled housewife.
(dramatic music)
That's diabolical!
How is that diabolical?
Everybody wins.
Sony wins because they finally get
the Spiderman cinematic
universe they've always wanted.
You win because you remain
one of pop culture's
most beloved characters.
We win because we make boatloads of money.
Audiences win because they
feel like they matter.
But most importantly,
we win because we make
boatloads of money!
No, it won't work.
The people are too smart,
they'll see right through it.
I think we both know that's not true.
I mean, we somehow convinced
people that Bruce Banner
reconciling with the Hulk
by taking an offscreen gamma ray bath
was a satisfying conclusion to
his four-film character arc.
I think they'll buy this.
Not if I expose you first.
I'm gonna tell the whole world the truth!
Spidey, bubby, if you
keep your mouth shut,
and let this press
release go out tomorrow,
you will make millions of
your adoring fans happy.
But, if you tell the truth,
you're gonna make people upset.
And things that make people
upset don't make money.
And things that don't make money,
don't get made.
(ominous beat)
Do you see where I'm going with this?
Yes.
Yes, okay.
I'll do what you say.
Well, hey, glad to hear it, Spidey.
Now get out of here, you little scamp.
You've got a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
And be sure to eat something, okay?
You're looking a little skinny.
Janine will validate.
Thank you!
Bye.
Janine, start the search for
a live-action Miles Morales.
I have a feeling we'll need
a new Spiderman real soon.
(sinister music)
(upbeat music)
Hey, friends, David
from the Warp Zone here.
Thank you guys for watching.
If you want to see other fun video,
go ahead and click that box right there.
Also we have a Patreon
now, which is exciting,
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We would love it.
You can do so by clicking there.
Anyways, I'm gonna go
because this video is done.
So, okay, I almost tripped on myself.
(laughter)
