Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday.
I was gonna make a video about Fahrenheit 451 but then after your video on Friday, I was like,
"I'm gonna talk about the controversial rationale for why capital gains should be taxed at a lower rate than income."
But all that is going to have to wait because, Hank, there is a pressing question in our community.
Specifically, the question of where it is best not to vomit.
In a recent video, I talked about when I worked at Steak and Shake
and how I had to sometimes clean vomit out of urinals and a nerdfighter wrote,
"Worst place to puke ever."
Yeah, well, no.
In fact, Hank, let me submit that there are at least five worse places to vomit than in a urinal.
The worst place to vomit is clearly into your own lungs
because that can be fatal.
Aspiration of vomit is what killed Jimi Hendrix,
but it's also killed lots of other nice people so yeah, don't vomit into your lungs.
Okay, another place you don't wanna vomit, and I have personal experience with this,
is in a secret hiding place.
So Hank, once when I was in high school,
I was at a party and, for reasons that we don't need to get into, I needed to vomit.
Also for reasons we don't need to get into but this is important to the story,
I wasn't operating at like 100% of my intellectual capacity
so I needed to throw up
but I didn't want anyone to know that I needed to throw up.
And this house had vents on the floor where the air conditioning came out of
so, I found a quiet corner, and I took off one of those vents,
and I puked into it.
problem solved, right?
Yeah, except not,
because it turns out that when you puke into ductwork,
the smell of that puke like
circulates through the entire home.
Also it turns out
it's really hard to clean puke out of ductwork
and sometimes part of the air ducts must be replaced at a cost of hundreds of dollars
and you'll never guess who will be held financially responsible for that.
The puker. In my experience, the puker is held responsible.
Number three: you don't want to vomit in space.
Vomiting in space is a big problem
because your inner ear doesn't know what to do about the floatiness.
In fact, after Gherman Titov became the second person in space
and the first one to vomit there,
the Soviets shut down their space program for a year
because they couldn't figure out why space sickness was happening.
Lots of astronauts since have reported puking
and obviously it's really gross if you don't get it in the bag because it's all
floaty,
but it could also be fatal, if you vomit while wearing a spacesuit
because of vomit aspiration.
Fortunately, NASA has solved this problem
by creating air currents around the face of the spacesuit
that will push the vomit away.
I love NASA.
Of course, you still have to hang out with your puke as long as you're in the spacesuit,
which only makes you more likely to keep puking.
I figure if you put me on a spacewalk for like 30 minutes,
by the time I came back,
it would be like half John half vomit.
Number four. This also comes from my time working in restaurants,
you don't want to puke on a bathroom mirror.
I used to bus tables at this restaurant
and one time somebody puked on the mirror and I had to clean it
and I went in there
and it's not just that there's the puke,
there's also the reflection of the puke,
and then this particular bathroom had a side mirror
so, there were like infinite reflections of the puke going on for eternity.
But then, of course, as you're cleaning you've also got your face reflected in the mirror
and it's pockmarked with someone else's puke,
which makes you puke.
But you haven't learned your lesson in high school about where not to puke.
Puke in the toilet like a grown-up.
Sorry, I'm very passionate about this.
And lastly,
the place, aside from your own lungs, that you want to puke the least:
Onto another person.
Now Hank, you're probably sitting there in Missoula thinking, "I've never puked on someone."
Well, I want you to do me a favor,
call our parents,
and thank them,
because you did puke on them,
repeatedly.
I know this, because children are always puking onto their parents.
Henry once puked into my half-open mouth.
I was just holding him up like this, and I was like, "You are such a cutie,
OH MY GOD! What just happened to me?!"
Nerdfighters, just a word of advice,
whenever you're furious with your parents or you think they're terrible,
just remember:
you vomited on them
and they kept you.
So there, you have it, Hank, five places you really don't want to vomit.
For those nerdfighters who've been like,
"Are they only gonna make like profound videos now?"
How do you like these apples?
Best wishes.
Hank, I'll see you on Friday.
