(pleasant music)
- You know, you can really tell
 that we're out in the woods
because there is no sign
of human civilization,
 and that's how it should be.
 - It's a good point Duke.
 That's why I always bring
 Whittling Sticks when I go.
 Whittling Sticks: they'll
 start a fire quick.
 - Camera on?
 Howdy folks.
 My name is Duke Studebaker.
 - And I'm Chet Bonaventure,
and this is Rural Woods Survival
 where we give you
 tips and tricks
to survive out here in the wild.
 - Come along.
(pleasant guitar music)
Good evening our fellow viewers.
 I'm Duke Studebaker.
 - And I'm Chet Bonaventure.
 - And what you're
 about to witness is
 done by professionals.
Do not try this at home.
- We both have extensive
backgrounds in survival,
 so we know what to do
 when we're out there
 faced with the challenges
 that comes with surviving.
 - As you can see,
 I have acquired a bloody nose,
but me being as a professional,
I've took care of the situation.
 - After I spent 20 years
 in the state penitentiary,
 I decided it was time
 to get into something
a little more wholesome.
So I tried my hand at survival,
 and you know what I learned?
 There's a whole lot more to
 be learned about survival
 than just survival.
 You can learn about yourself,
 and you can say hey,
 maybe I can survive, too.
- So some along on this
trip while me and Chet
 take you into the wilderness.
 - This wood-walking is tough.
 (stick banging)
 Now, when you come
 out here, you're--
 Hey, can you get the damn,
 the damn speak
 thing off the tree?
You're caught up there,
you're caught up there.
 Here, let me help you.
 Let me help you down.
 It's important to test the
 ground you're walking on
 so that you don't
 come upon a sinkhole.
 That's why you wanna
 bring a walking stick
 everywhere you go in
 a survival situation.
 I found mine here
 in the outdoors.
 So let's learn more about
 the equipment you need.
 - Howdy folks.
These are all the
supplies you really need
 to survive out here
 in the wilderness.
 Chet forgot his sleeping bag,
so we'll be sharing one tonight.
(sleeping bag thudding)
 Secondly, you're
 gonna need a knife.
 Not only for mine and
 Chet's protection,
 but I'm gonna use
 this Bowie knife
to hopefully filet fish off
these two poles that I brought.
 Now the thing is, most
 people come out here
in the wilderness and
they die of starvation.
 So you're gonna need
 a way to get food
and get your nutritions.
 Fish live in the
 ocean and the lakes.
 A tip for you.
 Now when I was running
 drugs over the border
 for Mexican coyotes
 in the late 80's,
 I learned a few
 things about survival.
 One, it takes a lot of water,
 and two, you better
 not piss off el hefe,
 otherwise things aren't
 gonna go too well for you,
 between mainly the water.
 So you're gonna wanna find
 important sources of water
 and important sources of food.
 Now I think when
 we're out survivin',
 one of the main
 things we went over
 were the three types of food,
 the main of which being beef.
Now that encompasses all meats,
 but obviously beef
 is gonna be the best,
 especially Johnson's Beef.
 It comes pre-packaged and you
 know that it's raised right,
 and you can get it at
 Wal (beep). (laughs)
 Actually, Johnson's Beef,
 the only beef made
 right here in America
and packaged freshly and
delivered to Wal (beep) stores.
Get Johnson's Beef in
the local freezer aisle.
 Knives will help when
 attacked by wild creatures,
so have a weapon on you.
 That's important.
A gun if you can get it.
 - Like we (beep) earlier--
 (stick squishing)
- Thought I got some food there.
 I didn't, it was mud.
 - Like I said earlier,
 out here in the wild,
 there is no sign of
 human civilization.
 With that being said,
 we need to find some food.
 Chet, do you have any
 ideas how we're gonna get
this nutritions in our stomachs?
 - Well there's three
 basic food groups:
 beef, green (beep),
 and also fruit
 that you can find sometimes.
 Now of course beef is gonna
 be the most important one,
so we're gonna see if we
can find some of that.
 Now what you're gonna
 wanna do in this situation
 is kinda analyze the breeze
 to try to catch the scent
of some sort of animal,
 or you can track it.
 Now we've tracked some sort
 of beef-producing animal
 to be heading this
 way, so join us.
Alright, let's go this way Duke.
 - Alright.
 - Remember, if
 you see an animal,
 keep a safe distance until
 you can safely attack.
 Now, even in the midst of a
 dangerous survival situation,
 I'm not one to pass
 up the opportunity
to point out good craftsmanship.
 That's why this fence built by
 Thompson's Fences and
 Fabrications stands
 the test over time
to make sure that your property
 is secured and walled-in.
Next time you're in
the market for a fence,
 try Thompson's Fence
 and Fabrication.
 They'll get the job done.
 - Like my buddy Chet
 was sayin' here,
this fence
(hand slapping)
 au naturale.
 Now come along with
 me as I teach you
 the ways of the wilderness,
 and the big thing
 that's around, trees.
 So come along; I'm
 gonna teach you
 what kind of trees
 to look out for
 and how they can help
 you in the end run.
 - And remember,
 Thompson's Fences:
 it'll be good quality
 for less price.
 - And now, me and
 Chet are gonna go over
 a very important
 topic when it comes
 to surviving out
 in the wilderness,
 and that is identifying trees.
 - Trees come in all
 shapes and sizes.
 They can be small or tall.
 Another thing about
 trees that's important
 is they can provide
 many different sources
 of resources when surviving.
 Shelter materials.
 Fire starters.
 Shelter materials,
 and many other uses
 that you'll be
 able to figure out.
 - Like what Chet was saying,
I, the expert, am gonna
teach you the three tips
 of identifying these trees.
First of all, what the tree is.
Second of all, is it consumable?
 And third of all,
 how can it help you
 survive out in the wilderness.
 (boots crunching)
Howdy folks, Duke here.
 I'm gonna teach you
 all about trees now.
 Another fun fact.
If you are ever is
desperate need of water
and there is snow on the ground,
 so ahead, pick her up, swallow
 her. (spits and chokes)
 There was some dirt in there,
 but good calcium.
 Now this right here
 is an oak tree.
 How you can tell, fun fact.
 You can tell that
 this is an oak tree
 just by looking at it.
 Now another reason
 how you can tell,
 go ahead and carve that off.
Oaks have certain type of taste.
 You put that in your
 mouth. (chewing)
 That's like beef
 jerky right there.
 That's wilderness'
 beef-- (spits)
That is wilderness' beef jerky.
 Bitter taste, good calcium.
 Now I'm gonna talk about
 this tree right here too.
 You take your handy dandy...
(knife rubbing)
(wood snapping)
You take your handy dandy knife,
 you cut of a couple
 of tree barks.
 That right there ladies and
 gentlemen is a fire starter.
 (Duke spits)
 You don't get
 any better kindling
 wood than this.
 Look at that.
 The hard snap; can you
 get that on the mic?
(wood snapping)
 That's a good, hard snap.
This is great for fire
starting, ladies and gentlemen.
 I can not stress this enough.
 Now this is a little different
 than the oak tree, right?
 This tree is actually,
 it sprouted in China.
 They got the seeds,
 and they scattered 'em
 through all this, these woods.
 This is a bamboo.
 Now bamboos are good
 also for nutritions.
 You can eat these,
 but I'm kinda full off the
 jerky I just from the tree.
 Pandas love these,
 and if you ever get
 an encounter with one,
 you find some bamboo,
 you feed that panda.
 You guys are best friends.
 - Now, out here in the
 woods are many cures
 for common sicknesses
 and other ailments
 that our ancient ancestors...
 (Duke heaving)
 He was eating oak before.
 Never eat oak, only the sap.
 Anyway, we all know that there
 are lots of cures out here.
 Just for instance,
 under this log.
(Chet grunting)
I'll get it in a second.
(Chet grunting)
 Under this stick,
 were gonna find
 that there are many
 accoutremont, if you will,
 and small things that
 can be used to heal.
 If you have a cut,
 you can rub dirty leaf
 powder into it to disinfect.
 Now this was found
 out by ancient,
 the ancient people
 of Pakistan who,
when walking through the desert,
 would often cut
 their feet on pieces
 of rock and various
 what-have-you's,
 and so they'd rub
 dirt in the wound,
 and apparently that helped,
 so we're passing on the
 knowledge to you, the viewer.
Now the ancient Russians
would take leaves
 that were molding and had
 sat for the entire winter,
 and they would stew them
 into a hallucinogenic tea
 that would then cause
 them to go crazy,
and well usually things
wouldn't end right,
 but heck, maybe
 we'll try that later.
Now if you wanna
try a great tea,
Philips Tea is gonna get
you the greatest flavor.
 Philips has everything
 from green tea
to black tea to various
exotic fruit blends,
 and you can find it at your
 local convenience store.
 Philips Tea: it puts
 the T in beverage.
When I was a homeless
man at Cleveland, Ohio,
 I quickly learned that shelter
 is an important aspect
 of staying alive.
 - And what that
 means is me and Chet
 are gonna teach you
 how to build a shelter
 in the wilderness.
 - Now as the sun begins to
 set and the temperature drops,
it's important to start
thinking about shelter,
 and we'd all wanna be staying
 at the comfortable Motel Seven
where they give you
freshly-laundered sheets
 and soaps in the bathroom for
 your convenience at all times,
but you know, here
we're out in the woods.
 You can find the Motel
 Seven off any exit.
So basically what you're
gonna wanna need to know
 is three basic points
 of building a shelter.
A roof, a floor, and
some sort of protection
 for some sort of creature.
 - Like he said, three steps.
You're gonna need sticks, bamboo
sticks, and jungle leaves.
 What we're gonna
 do is me and Chet
 are gonna go around the
 wilderness, find some sticks.
 We're gonna lay that down.
 That's a foundation.
 It ain't no Tempurpedic,
 but we'll be sleeping good.
 Secondly, you're gonna
 grab those bamboo sticks,
 and you're gonna
 go ahead and make
 that teepee form
 out of the house.
 You go ahead, put
 sticks on either side,
 line 'em up to a pair.
After that, take your last step.
Go around the wilnderness, find
some big ol' jungle leaves.
 Then you're gonna
 put the jungle leaves
 on top of the teepee
 and finish your house.
 - Now seeing as we're in a
 northern temperate forest,
 we don't be finding
 jungle leaves.
 However, we'll be finding dirt
 and other crunched-up
 deciduous tree leaves.
 (boots crunching)
(wood snapping)
 We're so far from any
 human civilization
 that you can almost
 hear your heartbeat.
(people talking)
 Hey back over here, we got
 shelter stuff going on.
 (boots crunching)
 Oh.
 I think that's too
 big to do that.
So basically, what
Duke's finding right now
 is what we call the apex
 log of the whole situation.
 It's gonna provide some sort
 of structural foundation
 that allows us to (wood
 thudding) build a structure
 worthy of what they
 would call quality.
 Now it's also
 important to remember
 the direction that
 the breeze is heading.
 For instance, you wouldn't
 wanna leave the entrance
 of your cave pointing north
 so that you get a cool
 winter's breeze in.
 That would obviously
 defeat the point.
(wood snapping)
 Hey Duke, I don't think
 they need to be that small.
 (wood tapping)
 Now it's important
 that you set up your shelter
 to be structurally sound.
It looks like Duke has
done a fine job at that.
 We don't need that yet Duke.
We don't need that yet.
 Sometimes his mind
 gets stuck in a loop.
I'll snap it out of it.
 Anyway we're gonna keep
 going here as, oh (beep).
 (wood banging)
 So we can work
 with this actually.
It's all about adapting
in a survival situation.
 You can keep figuring
 this (beep) out too.
I'm sick of being in
these god (beep) woods.
 - I'll take it away from here.
 This is actually
 great foundation.
 (wood snapping and thudding)
 We're gonna leave
 that right there.
 We're gonna get
 some more of these.
 - That tree has more
 strength than Squirrel Tape,
 but Squirrel Tape will
 still get the job done
 when you need a strong
 adhesive that will stand up
 to heat and moisture.
 Squirrel Tape: it'll tape.
 - Sorry about that folks.
 Now when it comes to
 building a fort like I said,
 you're gonna need those
 two arcs seen right here.
 Now what we're gonna do is
 we're gonna balance those out.
 We're gonna get two more,
 two on opposite sides.
 That's gonna make that teepee.
 Now see right here, Chet's
 making the foundation.
 - Let's do a tensile
 strength situation right here
 to see just how good Duke's
 shelter is, shall we?
Now I've taken this combination
of leaves and other--
(logs thudding)
 - Howdy folks.
 Now this is actually a
 really good setup here
 'cause not only do I
 have my two pillars,
 I'm gonna need two
 more on each side
 to make that teepee figure.
 Now, what you're gonna
 need is like I said,
 two sturdy sticks.
 Look at that.
 I'm not touching it, and that
 thing's not going anywhere.
So when we grab another
stick right here,
 we're gonna go ahead and lay
 this on the other foundation.
 You're always gonna
 wanna find the sticks
with a somewhat V-shape
so you can go ahead,
hook it right in there.
 This is actually a
 perfect foundation
 for our bed tonight.
 Now you're gonna leave
 these pillars right here.
 They should stay on their own
because the inertial
balance between 'em both
 are gonna keep 'em upright.
 Now we're gonna go ahead,
 we wanna get more
 foundation to put on the bed
 because we gotta get going.
 - We gotta get going here.
 (boots crunching)
 Next time your house
 is feeling cold,
 make sure to check out
 Philips Insulation.
It's made from
high-quality fiberglass
 and costs a fraction
 of the normal stuff.
You can find Philips Insulation
 at any local home good store.
 - When it comes to fishing,
 you as the expert need to
 know what you're fishing,
 and in the wilderness
 when it comes
 to lakes, rivers, and streams,
 you need to know the
 species of what they carry.
Local rivers can contain
either brown trout,
 rainbow trout, orange
 trout, salmon, king salmon,
 and yellow salmon.
And brown trout.
 And you as the expert
 can catch these fish
and eat 'em for great nutrition.
We've been out here give
or take 18-plus hours.
Quite frankly, the camera crew,
me and Chet, we're starving.
 Got these two handy
 dandy fishing poles.
 Now like I said, we're
 in the wilderness,
but we're gonna go ahead
and take a lifeboat.
 We're gonna go about
 20, 20, 27, 28 miles
 out of the Atlantic Ocean.
 We're gonna go right
 off this coast.
 Has a nice, beautiful island.
 We're gonna go ahead
 and catch some fish,
cook 'em up, filet 'em.
- Three important
rules to catching fish.
 One, you gotta be patient.
 Two, use chemicals
 as they help you.
 Often times, if you poison
 a fish's water supply,
 they will float to the
 top and provide you
 with their tasty, tasty meat.
 And three, focus.
 Tell you what, I'm
 sick of this shit.
 (beep)-ing woods, man.
 - Ah, this is getting
 kind of annoying.
 - You see that gas station
 we passed when we came in?
 You think they have burritos?
 - I think they have nachos.
 - We're gonna probably need
 to head that way pretty soon.
 We haven't eaten in six days.
We've been out here
roughing it in the wild,
 and you know at that point,
 your mind starts to
 play tricks on you.
 Just the other day,
 I heard Rod Stewart's
 debut album playing
 from somewhere
 over in the woods,
and I said Duke, is
that Rod Stewart I hear?
 - Heeyah!
 - And instead, it
 turned out that--
 - It seems to be that I got
 my line stuck in the tree.
- This is a good way
to catch bats and birds
and other winged beasts.
- Alright, that's not doing it.
 (pole banging)
 - Now, the important thing to
 remember when you're fishing
 is to get a depth reader.
 A depth reader will
 provide you with
the fish around you and
the depths they're at.
 My personal favorite is
 McGillicutty's Depth Reader,
 version two point oh.
You can find one
for only $19.99,
and it'll take your
fishing game up a notch.
 McGillicutty's: let's see
 where those fish are at.
 (ocean waves crashing)
 Duke, did you take
 your medication?
 We gotta get Duke
 his medication.
 - You can really tell that.
(both laughing)
 (frame beeping)
 - And I'm Chet Bonaventure,
and this is ru--
(both laughing)
(frame beeping)
You couldn't go wrong. (laughs)
(frame beeping)
 - And for that being
 said, we brought our.
(frame beeping)
(frame beeping)
(frame beeping)
- [Duke] Chad, your name's Chad?
 - Chet, Chet.
 - [Duke] Let's do
 this, my bad, my bad.
(frame beeping)
(sleeping bag thudding)
 Whoever did that, I'm sorry.
(frame beeping)
- We're gonna keep going
here, and oh (beep).
(frame beeping)
(wood snapping)
(frame beeping)
(frame beeping)
 - We've been out here
 (frame beeping)
 - We've been out here,
 give or take (laughs)
(frame beeping)
We...
(frame beeping)
 - Just yesterday, I heard
 Rod Stewart's album (laughs)
(frame beeping)
- Good foundation is the bottom.
 - I just stepped
 into a large mud pit.
 Now this is gonna be an
 important thing to recognize
 that when you step into a
 mud pit such as this one,
you're gonna get your socks wet,
and what does that mean
when you're surviving?
 - It means your
 socks are (laughs)
- We hope you enjoyed
your time with us today
 learning all about survival
and we'd like to thank
you for sticking around.
 Now keep in mind whether
 you're ina woodland area,
 a desert, or terrible,
 terrible Cleveland
 with gunshots firing,
you've gotta keep in
mind the survival skills
 that we've provided
 to you today.
 - Like what Chet was saying,
 we wanna thank you the
 viewers for taking the time
 out of your evening
 and watching us
how to teach you how to
live in the wilderness.
 - Now keep in mind
 all the supplies
that we advertised today
on our show can be found
 on our website store,
 recently set up.
 It's pretty nifty.
 You can get Philips
 Tea, Squirrel Tape,
any of the handy gadgets
 that both Duke and
 I here endorse.
 - And now hopefully
 you, as the viewer,
 learned a thing or two
 about how to survive
 in the wilderness.
 Until next time,
 I'm Duke Studebaker.
 - And I'm Chet the
 survivor Bonaventure.
 - Stay hungry, stay alive.
 Take care.
 (gentle guitar music)
 (keyboard notes clinking)
