

### really good friends

the 1st _spin the bottle_ novel

a series of prequels to _Everything Happens for a Reason..._ by

Daisy Jordan

copyright 2011 Daisy Jordan

Smashwords Edition

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### To all the bad boys but also the really sweet boys,

### and all the girls who can't get enough of them

### "spin the bottle"

### (part 1)

### a pact to always stick together in high school

### the first party at the lake

### "hey, we should play spin the bottle," she said

### and so it all began

### the beautiful girls, so sure of themselves

### they could get anything they wanted

### the gorgeous boys, so funny and tan

### one look, one smile, they totally had you

### losing old friends, making new ones

### love at first sight, the boy of my dreams

### everyone called us "really good friends"

### he didn't know i wanted so much more...

### summer

### 1997

### hey, we should play spin the bottle...

### chapter 1) to forever friendship

"I can't believe we start cheerleading practice tomorrow already!" Jill said on Sunday afternoon. She was lying on her stomach on a bright pink inflatable raft in the middle of her pool. She swished her fingers through the water. "It's, like, totally crazy!"

"What do you think it'll be like?" Hillary asked in an excited voice. "And high school? Oh my gosh, I hope there's tons of hot guys! I can't wait!"

Jill's raft drifted in a half circle so she was facing Hillary. "Me neither! I hope the other cheerleaders are nice. I'm gonna feel so stupid 'cause I'm a freshman." She made an uncertain face.

"Yeah, I know. Do you know who all the other cheerleaders are?"

"I know some of the sophomores; that's mostly who we'll be cheering with on JV. It's like Lindy Brooks, Brooke Carlson, Ashley Cassleman, Stacy Braden, Tiffany Miller...that's all I can think of."

"Yeah, they're all from BJ," Hillary said, referring to Brinkley Junior High School, where she and Jill had just finished eighth grade in May. For years students had referred to it as "BJ," since that was also the abbreviation for blow job. "Except for Ashley. I don't know her. She must be from Caldwell."

Caldwell and BJ were the two junior high schools feeding into Brinkley-Caldwell High School. Brinkley and Caldwell were small towns about five miles apart from each other, but despite the closeness of the two towns, Caldwell seemed like another world to Jill and Hillary. They didn't know any of the kids from there very well, and they were equally nervous and excited about going to school with the Caldwell students this year.

"Yeah, Brooke and Lindy are cool, but Tiffany and Stacy are so stuck-up," Jill said.

"I know." Hillary made a face. "I hope Brooke and Lindy will hang out with us. They're really popular. I bet they know all the hot guys." Hillary grinned, and Jill giggled.

"So who are the other freshmen besides us and Lorylyn and Sam?" Jill asked. "Who made it from Caldwell?"

"I heard Hilton Joliet made it. I don't remember the other ones. Who were the other eighth-grade cheerleaders at Caldwell?"

"Um...Kelly Simmons and Cassidy Nichols...oh, and Blake Bishop. I heard Blake is, like, a complete bitch. I hope she didn't make it. They had six eighth-grade cheerleaders though; I can't remember who the other ones were."

"Blake did make it!" Hillary remembered. "At least I heard that anyways. Man, that's gonna suck so bad!"

"Well I heard Hilton is like, really, really popular. She's friends with Brooke and Lindy 'cause her and Lindy took tennis lessons together at the Logan Academy. So I bet they'll hang out all the time."

"They're all so pretty!" Hillary cried, flipping off her raft into the water. "They're so gonna get all the guys!"

"I know!" Jill climbed off her raft and stood in the shallow end. "I'm so nervous about practice tomorrow. I hope they don't all think we're dorks!"

"Well, at least we have each other!" Hillary said as she leaned against the side of the pool. "And Lorylyn and Sam."

"Yeah, true," Jill said. She slipped underwater and pushed up into a handstand. No matter what Hillary said, she still felt really nervous.

***

Hillary spent the night at Jill's house, and the next morning Jill's mom dropped them off for their ten o'clock practice at the football field.

"Thanks, Mrs. Sherer!" Hillary said as she slammed the car door. "Hey look, there's Lorylyn!"

Lorylyn Porter, one of Jill and Hillary's best friends since elementary school, climbed out of her mom's Dodge Stratus and ran up to Hillary and Jill with her short black ponytail bobbing behind her.

"You look so cute!" Jill said. Lorylyn had a big white ribbon tied in her hair on top of her head and was wearing blue boxers with big smiley faces on them and a wife-beater tank top. She had the boxers rolled down to make them shorter. Jill suddenly felt like a huge dork in her baggy T-shirt and shorts.

"Thanks!" Lorylyn said. "Can you guys believe this? We're starting high school cheerleading!" She giggled and bounced a little as they walked toward the entrance to the track.

"I know!" Hillary exclaimed.

Jill was glad Hillary had on baggy clothes too, but she made a mental note to herself to get a cute, sexy outfit like Lorylyn's to wear tomorrow.

As they walked onto the track, Jill saw several cheerleaders gathered farther down near the center of the football field. She could hear their loud laughter and felt intimidated. She was so glad she hadn't shown up by herself.

As they drew nearer, Jill saw that most of the girls were dressed like Lorylyn, and some had on even skimpier tank tops. She quickly rolled the sleeves on her T-shirt up and under to make it look sort of sleeveless and rolled her shorts down so they would be shorter. She wished they were boxers instead of nylon shorts. She felt like a boy. A couple other girls were wearing T-shirts, but they were fitted and the sleeves were tied up with cute little ribbons.

"We look so dumb!" Hillary whispered to Jill. "I feel so junior high!" She imitated Jill by rolling her sleeves up and her shorts down.

"At least your hair looks cute!" Jill said. Hillary's long straight blonde hair was tied in a ponytail on top of her head. She had a blue bow in it and the ponytail hung halfway down her back. Jill's dark brown hair, which reached just below her shoulders, was held back by a plain black hair band at the base of her neck. She suddenly wished her hair were longer, or that she had it in a high, perky ponytail like Lorylyn's. She felt like she hadn't gotten anything about her appearance right. She wished she could go home and change.

As the three of them neared the other girls, Hillary nudged Jill. "Look, there's Hilton and Lindy and Brooke and some other girl."

"That's Ashley Cassleman. From Caldwell." Jill looked at the group of four girls. Hilton and Lindy were sitting on a bench on the edge of the football field, and Brooke and Ashley were standing in front of them. They all had on boxers that were rolled down at the waist. Ashley was wearing a wife-beater that said Fort Myers Beach on it, and her hair was in pigtails. Brooke and Lindy were both wearing tight spaghetti-strap tank tops, and Hilton had on a plain black wife-beater. Jill noticed their socks weren't visible and looked down at her own footies that stuck up an inch above her shoes. There was something else she needed to put on her shopping list.

"Ewww, look, there's Blake Bishop!" Lorylyn whispered, wrinkling her nose. "I didn't know she made it!"

Blake was standing off to one side, talking to Susan Kruger, one of the eighth-grade cheerleaders from Caldwell whom Jill hadn't been able to remember the day before. Jill wondered if Susan was mean too, like she and Hillary had heard Blake was.

"Look, there's all the varsity cheerleaders. I don't even know any of them," Hillary said quietly. The varsity cheerleaders were a little farther down the track in a separate group. Lorylyn and Jill and Hillary were now standing near the rest of the JV cheerleaders in their own little circle.

"Hey, there's Sam!" Lorylyn pointed back down the track in the direction from which they'd come. "Isn't that Cassidy Nichols with her?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, girls!" Sam cried. She ran up to Lorylyn and hugged her. Sam was another best friend from way back in elementary school. She was short and a little plump with wavy, chin-length brown hair.

"Hey, Cass!" Hilton said from the bench. "What's up?"

Cassidy went over to join Hilton and the other girls, and Susan and Blake joined them too.

"Okay, we're so left out!" Hillary said.

Three more girls Jill didn't know arrived, and she figured they were the other sophomore cheerleaders. Just then the coach stopped conversing with a couple of the varsity cheerleaders and stepped onto the track.

"Hi, girls!" she called, and everyone turned toward her. She was young, probably mid-twenties, and short with boyishly-cut blonde hair. She was really cute. Jill had seen her only once before, at tryouts last spring. "I'm Trish, your coach, in case you didn't know!" A few of the girls laughed.

Just then two more girls entered the track and walked slowly toward the rest of them. They were both wearing tight tank tops and boxers rolled low enough that their stomachs showed. They looked irritated at having to be there.

Jill looked at Hillary and groaned silently. "It's Tiffany and Stacy."

Trish had stopped to wait for the latecomers, and as they joined the group she said in an annoyed voice, "This is not a good way to start the season, girls. Be on time tomorrow."

As Trish turned back to the rest of them, Jill saw Tiffany roll her eyes at Stacy and mouth, "Please."

Jill and Hillary shared a small smile and then turned back to Trish.

***

Practice went pretty well. Trish introduced the varsity captain, Madeline, and then Madeline and two other varsity cheerleaders led everyone in learning the new dance to the school fight song. It was pretty easy, and Jill liked the choreography. They worked on that for about an hour, and then, after a short break, Madeline went over some basic chants that both varsity and JV needed to know.

When practice ended at noon, Trish told all the cheerleaders they would be working on the same things again tomorrow before splitting up into separate squads on Wednesday.

That afternoon, Jill's mom took her shopping at the mall and bought her five wife-beaters of various colors, three spaghetti-strap tank tops, six pairs of boxers with cool designs, and three packs of no-show footies. Jill was so glad her mom was a real-estate agent who could basically make her own hours; she didn't know what she would've done if she had to wear her dorky baggy clothes to practice another day.

She told her mom how much fun practice had been and how stylish and pretty the sophomore girls and Hilton and Cassidy had looked. Her mom was glad she was enjoying it and didn't mind buying the new clothes; Jill often saw someone else wearing a certain piece of clothing or dressing a certain way and had to imitate the look immediately. She felt a need to be in style, but it seemed other people always figured out what was cool before she did.

That night Hillary and Lorylyn and Sam all came over to Jill's, and they went swimming and talked about the girls on the squad. They were all glad they'd decided to do cheerleading, and they thought it would be a lot of fun, but they hoped they'd be able to make friends with some of the other girls.

"No matter what though, we have to stick together," Hillary said. "Let's all make a pact right now. Not just in cheerleading, but in high school."

"Ooohh, good idea!" Lorylyn said with a grin. "Let's do it!" She held out her hand, palm down, and the other girls piled their hands on top of hers.

"To forever friendship!" Hillary proclaimed, and they all lifted their hands in the air triumphantly, smiling at each other.

"So when are we gonna get to see the football team practice?" Lorylyn asked with a giggle.

"I hope soon!" Hillary said. "I'm glad we didn't see them today though! I wanna look hot when we see them!"

The next day Jill wore a bright purple wife-beater and pink boxers with purple stars on them. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail on top of her head, like Hillary's and Lorylyn's the day before, and tied it with a white bow. She felt at least somewhat cute and was much more confident at practice.

***

On Wednesday when they split up into varsity and JV, Trish worked with the JV and asked who could tumble. Jill and Lorylyn were the only freshmen who could do back tucks, and Jill was excited to have the chance to show off in front of the sophomores. Lindy and Tiffany and another sophomore, Amy, could tumble too. Jill was glad Tiffany did basketball cheerleading as well as football so she couldn't be on the gymnastics team this winter. Jill had been doing gymnastics ever since she was six and couldn't wait for the high school season. It was her favorite sport. But it wouldn't be as fun if somebody mean like Tiffany were on the team.

On the way out of practice that day, Lindy and Hilton came up to Jill, Hillary, Lorylyn, and Sam.

"Hey, guys, good job tumbling today," Lindy said to Jill and Lorylyn. "Are you guys gonna do gymnastics?"

"Yeah!" Jill and Lorylyn said. "Definitely."

"Awesome! Well, see you guys tomorrow." Lindy and Hilton started off.

"Hey!" Hilton called back. "There's a party Saturday night, at Landon Kessler's lake cottage. We're all going. You guys should come! Cassidy's mom is dropping off me and Cassidy and our friend Kat if you wanna ride along. She has a minivan, so we can all fit."

"Sure, that'd be great!" Jill blurted, hardly able to believe it. "Thanks."

"Okay, well, can you guys find rides to Cassidy's house, then? Like be there around seven."

"Yeah, okay!" Jill agreed eagerly.

"Okay!" Hilton said with a smile. "We can talk about it more at practice tomorrow!" Then she and Lindy hurried off ahead of them.

"Oh my gosh!" Lorylyn cried. "Landon Kessler?! He's, like, one of the hottest sophomore guys! Oh my gosh, I can't wait!"

"I can't believe they invited us!" Jill giggled. "This is gonna be so fun!"

***

"Mom, guess what?!" Jill gushed as she jumped into the front seat of the car a couple minutes later. "Hilton invited me and Hillary and Lorylyn and Sam to a party Saturday!" Her mom knew who Hilton was because Jill had been talking about the other cheerleaders all week, especially Hilton, Lindy, and Brooke, who seemed the nicest and coolest.

"Really?" Her mom sounded excited for her. "Is it at Hilton's house? Is it just for cheerleaders, or are her other friends coming too?"

Jill hesitated. She knew her mom was going to be a little skeptical when she heard where the party was. But Jill _had_ to go...she'd die if she didn't! "It's actually at Landon Kessler's. You know, he went to Caldwell? Do you remember him from when I cheered in junior high? He's like a really good football and basketball player. Hilton said he's really nice." Hilton had said no such thing, but Jill was trying to play him up as much as she could before her mom had a chance to react negatively.

Her mom glanced at her with a wary look. "And Hilton invited you? Does Landon know that?"

"Oh, I'm sure she okayed it with him first."

"Do you even know Landon?"

"Um, yeah, kinda, I mean I know who he is and stuff. Come on, Mom, please. Hillary's going too, and Cassidy's mom is gonna give us a ride. And she'll come pick us up too. Cassidy and Hilton go, like, all the time. Their parents don't care."

"Where does Landon live?"

"Um...I don't know where his actual house is, but the party's at his parents' cottage on Lake Caldwell. So that we can go out on the boat and stuff." Jill cringed inwardly; she knew the location wouldn't help her mom feel great about letting her go.

"Oh, so it's during the afternoon?"

"Well...not really...we're supposed to be at Cassidy's at seven."

"So you're going to be out on the lake after dark?"

"No, I'm sure they just go on the boat for like an hour or something and then come in and, you know, grill food. I think his parents cook hamburgers and stuff for everybody." Jill threw in the last sentence to stress the presence of Landon's parents, even though she had no idea if they would be there.

Her mom gave her an uncertain look. "All right, well, I'll talk to Dad about it and we'll see what he says. I don't know about this though....I worry about you being there with a lot of older kids."

"Mom! Hillary and Lorylyn and Sam will be there! And Cassidy and Hilton too!"

"Well, I don't know Cassidy and Hilton, and it worries me that they hang out with these older boys all the time. But we'll see. Maybe I'll call Hillary's mom and talk to her about it."

"Okay, please! I really wanna go so bad!"

"I know, I know."

***

That night at dinner Jill's mom told her dad about the party, and Jill reiterated that she was sure Landon's parents would be there and that Cassidy's mom always gave Cassidy a ride and was fine with the parties. Jill's mom had also called Hillary's mom earlier, and they had decided it would probably be okay as long as Jill and Hillary went together.

"All right," Jill's dad said now. "You can go. But if there's any drinking or anything like that, call us right away and we'll come get you. And you need to be home by midnight."

"Midnight?! But what if Cassidy stays later? Her mom's giving us a ride! I have to leave whenever she does! I don't wanna make her mom come early just 'cause of me! I'd feel so stupid!"

"Well what time do you think Cassidy will come home?"

"I don't know!"

"Well, find out and let us know. I suppose this time we'll let you stay and see how it goes, but we do need to know a definite time that you'll be home. It can't just be whenever Cassidy feels like leaving."

"Okay, I will, I promise!" Jill said excitedly. "I'm sure she tells her mom a definite time anyway, so her mom knows when to come get her. Thanks so much for letting me go!"

Her parents still didn't look too happy about it, and Jill prayed they wouldn't change their minds before Saturday.

***

Friday night Hillary slept over at Jill's, and all they could talk about was the party and how fun it was going to be. Hillary helped Jill pick out what to wear – short jean shorts and a light blue short-sleeved shirt with a butterfly on it.

Jill's parents were still a little skeptical of the party because it was at a lake cottage. "Are you sure Landon's parents are going to be there?"

"Yes!" Jill said impatiently. "Hilton said they always are! Why would they let him have a party if they weren't gonna be there anyway?"

"Well, you girls better be good. And remember, call us if there's any drinking!"

"Please, Mom," Jill groaned. "Like there will be alcohol there! He's, like, a sophomore in high school!"

"Do you think there will be drinking?" Jill asked Hillary later when they were back up in her room.

"I bet so," Hillary said.

"Are you gonna drink?"

"Oh, probably not..." Hillary had a small smile on her face.

"Hill! You think you really might?" Jill was surprised.

"Who knows?" Hillary said with a shrug and a grin.

For the first time, Jill felt a little nervous about the party.

### chapter 2) landon's

The ride up to the lake with Cassidy's mom was somewhat awkward, since Jill barely knew Cassidy. Jill and Hillary and Lorylyn sat in the backseat, while Sam, who knew Cassidy and her mom from a summer swimming program, sat in the middle with Hilton and Kat.

Kat was from Caldwell and was really pretty with long black hair and a good tan. She seemed kind of quiet though. Sam and Hilton and Cassidy and Cassidy's mom kept up a conversation the whole way, and Kat said something occasionally.

Jill hoped what she was wearing was okay. She was dressed pretty similarly to the other girls and had curled the ends of her hair under. Her shorts and shirt were tight and fitted, and she thought she had an all right body, but kind of boyish. She was really skinny and short, only 5'4, and a B cup. She knew Lorylyn had a smaller chest, but Hillary wore a C cup, and Jill thought Sam probably did too. Still, Jill was satisfied with the way she looked tonight, but she was bummed when she noticed Hilton wearing a swimsuit under her tank top.

Why didn't we think of that? she thought to herself. Duh! It's a lake! Oh well, at least Hillary and Sam and Lorylyn aren't wearing one either...

"Have fun, girls. Be good...don't drink _too_ much!" Cassidy's mom joked as she pulled into the driveway of a log cabin cottage. "I'll be back around one, Cass. Call if you wanna leave sooner."

"Thanks, Mom!" Cassidy called as she hopped out of the car.

Jill couldn't believe what Cassidy's mom had just said. Was she really serious about the drinking? Did she know there would be alcohol and still let Cassidy come to the party? Jill shook her head in bewilderment. She didn't know any parents like that! How cool! But that meant there was definitely going to be alcohol....She hoped she wasn't the only one who didn't want to drink.

"Was she serious? She doesn't care if Cassidy drinks?" Lorylyn whispered to Sam as they headed around the house to the lake. They could hear shouting and laughter coming from the direction of the water. Hilton and Cassidy and Kat were up ahead of them.

"Oh, yeah, she doesn't care," Sam giggled. "She's _soooo_ cool. I mean, she doesn't want Cassidy to drink a lot, but she doesn't care if she drinks."

"Wow!" Hillary said. "That is crazy! My mom would kill me if she knew there was gonna be drinking here!"

"Mine too!" Jill said. "You heard her last night, Hill!"

"Hey, come on, you guys!" Hilton called back with an excited smile and a wave of her arm. "There's Lindy and Brooke! Let's go talk to them!"

Lindy and Brooke were sitting on a stone wall overlooking the lake with their backs to the water. They were both wearing bikini tops and short jean shorts and were eating cheeseburgers.

"Hey, guys!" Brooke called as they approached. "Do you want some food? They're getting ready to put some more burgers and hot dogs on." She motioned to the grill.

Jill looked over and saw Landon standing beside the grill holding tongs and laughing at something one of his friends had said. He was gorgeous. He had sandy blond hair and was wearing a swimsuit with brightly colored Hawaiian flowers all over it. He was really tan too. Jill had to force herself to look away so she wouldn't get caught staring. She didn't know the two boys he was talking to.

"Yeah, we'll have some burgers!" Hilton said. "I'll go tell them. Do you guys want one?"

"Sure!" Hillary said, and everyone else nodded.

Hilton dashed off to tell the boys. When she went up to them, Landon gave her a hug and one of the other boys tugged on her ponytail. Hilton playfully batted his hand away.

Jill and Hillary shared a look that said, I'm so jealous!

"Hey, look, it's Brookie and Brooks," said a voice behind them. Brooke and Lindy laughed at the use of Lindy's last name, and Jill turned to see two boys approaching.

One of the boys went up to Brooke and took her cheeseburger out of her hand.

"Hey!" she cried jokingly as he took a big bite. "Did I say you could have a bite of that?"

"I didn't bother asking, 'cause we both know you'll let me have whatever I want, Brookie," he said with an adorable grin. He raised his eyebrows at her, then chomped down on the sandwich again.

Brooke grinned and smacked him lightly on the arm, then grabbed her burger back.

The other boy had wandered over to the grill. The one talking to Brooke gave Lindy a high five and then turned and looked at everyone standing around. "Oh, hey, Kat, Cass. What's up?"

Kat and Cassidy smiled at him. "What's up, Brady?"

Brady smiled. He was really cute with dark brown eyes and black curly hair that came down to his ears. Jill thought his smile made him look fun and kind of ornery or something, like a troublemaker.

"Who are all your hot friends, Brookie and Brooks?"

Brooke lowered her cheeseburger from her mouth, chewing and holding her finger up to indicate she couldn't talk yet.

"This is Sam, Lorylyn, Hillary, and Jill," Lindy said, pointing at each of them in turn. She picked up a plastic cup sitting beside her and took a long drink.

"Nice to meet you guys," Brady said. "Starting early, huh?" He nodded toward Lindy's cup.

"No, you ass, it's Coke," Lindy replied with a laugh.

"I don't know if I believe that. I think I need to taste it and see." Brady took a couple of quick steps and grabbed Lindy's cup as Cassidy and Kat stepped out of his way. He took a long drink. "Okay, I guess it's Coke." He grinned and ruffled Lindy's hair and said, "Well, see you guys later," then walked over to the grill to join Landon.

"Who was that?" Lorylyn asked, staring after him.

Brooke and Lindy giggled.

"Brady Cash. He went to Caldwell. He's a sophomore," Brooke said between bites. "Do you think he's hot?" She grinned at Lorylyn.

"Oh yeah!" Lorylyn turned back to Brooke and giggled. "There's tons of hot guys here! Who are those guys with Landon?"

Lindy and Brooke glanced over toward the grill.

"Oh, that's Kevin and Matt and Brad," Lindy said. "They're on the football team with Landon."

"Wow, you guys had all the hot boys at Caldwell!" Lorylyn said to Cassidy and Kat. "We had nobody at BJ!"

The girls all giggled.

Brooke jumped down from the wall and brushed off her shorts. "I need another burger!" Kat and Sam moved apart so Brooke could get through, and she went to join Hilton and the boys at the grill.

"This is so fun," Hillary said to Lindy. "Are there parties out here a lot?"

"Oh, yeah, like all summer long, and sometimes on weekends after school starts. And he has the _best_ New Year's parties." Lindy finished her burger and winked at them before taking another drink of her Coke. "Hey, did you guys bring swimsuits? We all usually go swimming later, and go out on the boat."

"No, we forgot," Jill said with a glum look.

"Well, it's okay, don't worry, you can still go out on the boat. It's so fun!"

Jill smiled. Lindy seemed really nice, which was what Jill had always thought in junior high. This was the most she'd ever talked to her though.

A delighted squeal pierced the air behind her, and Jill turned back toward the grill to see Hilton and Brooke jumping out of the way as Landon tried to poke them with the tongs.

"Ew, they're all dirty!" Brooke giggled.

Jill longed to be in the position Hilton and Brooke were in and have all the hot guys flirting with her.

"Hey, my boyfriend's here!" Lindy said excitedly. She was looking up toward the house. "Andy!" She waved.

Andy jogged down toward her. He was wearing a T-shirt and swimsuit, and Jill realized she knew him. He had been a year ahead of her at BJ. She had always thought he was really hot. He had long shaggy dark hair and he looked very surfer-ish, Jill thought, except he wasn't blond. In junior high he had worn his hair short and gelled, but she liked this look even better.

Andy hopped up on the wall beside Lindy and gave her a quick kiss. "Hey, babe!"

"Burgers and dogs are ready!" Landon called just then. Kat and Cassidy turned and headed toward the grill, and Sam, Lorylyn, Hillary, and Jill quickly followed. Jill glanced back at Lindy and saw that she and Andy had their heads close together and were giggling.

She was so jealous of all these girls! She wanted more than anything to fit in and be a part of this crowd.

***

Later, after they ate, everyone went out on the pontoon. When they were in the middle of the lake, almost everyone went swimming.

"Come on, guys!" Hilton called to Jill, Hillary, Lorylyn, and Sam from the water. "Just jump in with your clothes on!"

The girls glanced at each other, then shrugged and giggled. It was no fun sitting on the boat by themselves.

Hillary went first and the other three followed. They all came up from underwater giggling and squealing.

"It's freezing!" Hillary cried.

"Woohoo!" Kevin yelled. "More hot girls in the water!" He splashed at them, and the four girls all looked at each other and grinned.

***

When they came in from the lake Landon and several of the boys disappeared into the house, and when they came back out they all had beers.

"How does he get the alcohol?" Jill asked Hilton, who was sitting with her and Hillary at a picnic table.

"Oh, his older brother buys it for him."

"Do his parents know? Like what if they show up?"

"Oh, they won't show up. They know but they don't come up when he has a party, 'cause that way if it gets busted they won't get in trouble for buying kids alcohol. As long as Landon cleans up though and doesn't, like, break a bunch of stuff, they don't care."

"Wow, that's crazy!" Jill exclaimed. "I can't even imagine!"

"Yeah, it's pretty cool."

"So are you gonna drink, Hilton?" Hillary asked her.

"Probably not tonight. I did once earlier this summer; it was the first time I ever drank, and I ended up puking and stuff. It sucked so bad. I had to stay at Cassidy's so my parents wouldn't find out, but I think they suspected something anyway. So I'm gonna make sure I can go home tonight so they won't make me stop coming out or something."

"Wow, that sucks that you puked," Hillary said, scrunching her nose up. "I kinda wanna try a drink though."

Jill's stomach clenched. She didn't want Hillary to drink, because then she'd feel left out. There was no way _she_ was going to drink. She'd feel so guilty when she saw her parents.

"You should, then. Just ask Landon; he'll get you one." Hilton motioned in the vague direction of the house.

"Oh, I don't know, I'd feel weird asking him."

"I'll go get one for you." Hilton stood up and went off to find Landon.

While she was gone, Lorylyn and Sam came out from using the bathroom, and Sam was drinking a beer.

"It's so gross!" she giggled as she and Lorylyn sat down at the picnic table. "I don't know if I'll be able to drink it!"

"Yeah, it's really gross. I tried it," Lorylyn agreed.

Jill and Hillary each took a small sip. Jill leaned back and scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue. "Yuck!"

"It's not _that_ bad," Hillary said, but she made a face. "I have to drink one now though, 'cause Hilton went to get me one!"

As Hilton came back with the beer, Kevin and Matt walked past the picnic table. "All right! The freshman girls know how to party!" Kevin said, grinning at them. "Hey, everybody's gonna go skinny-dipping after it gets dark, if you girls wanna join." He winked playfully, then he and Matt continued down the hill toward the water.

Jill smiled awkwardly, hoping they didn't notice she didn't have a beer. At least Hilton and Lorylyn weren't drinking either. And everyone really liked Hilton, so if she wasn't, it must be okay not to.

***

Brooke, Lindy, Hilton, Kat, Ashley, Amy, and some other girls Jill assumed were sophomores all went skinny-dipping with the boys. Jill knew a few of the girls because they had gone to BJ, but she wasn't really friends with any of them, and she felt like they were looking at her the whole night thinking, What the hell are you doing here? To Jill and Hillary's dismay, Tiffany and Stacy showed up too. Everyone was already skinny-dipping, and Tiffany and Stacy headed straight for the water.

"What's wrong, are you girls scared?" Tiffany asked with a smirk as she and Stacy walked past the stone wall, where the girls were sitting watching everyone.

Right then there were several loud whistles and yells from the water as the boys saw Tiffany and Stacy approaching, and the two girls laughed and ran the rest of the way to the water, stripping as they went and leaving their clothes in a trail behind them.

"I kinda wanna do it!" Hillary said.

"I know, me too!" Jill agreed, eager to get in on something. She felt like a total wuss for not drinking _or_ skinny-dipping. She wished she were brave enough to do it, like Hilton and Lindy and Brooke. She wanted to be more outgoing like them. "But I'd feel so weird!"

"Not me!" Lorylyn said, shaking her head. "There's no way I could do it!"

"Oh, it's fun. I do it sometimes," Cassidy said, leaning back on the wall and sipping her beer. "It's not like anybody sees anything; they always do it after dark."

"Why aren't you tonight?" Sam asked.

"I'm on the rag," Cassidy said.

"Oh." Sam giggled, and so did the other girls.

Jill felt a little embarrassed at Cassidy's frankness. She couldn't believe Cassidy said that in front of people she barely knew. Jill wished she could be a little more like that too, but she couldn't ever imagine feeling comfortable being so open, except with Hillary.

"You guys should try it sometime though," Cassidy said. "Or the guys will think you're not any fun."

"I'll probably do it next time," Jill said quickly. "Just not tonight."

"Yeah, me too," Hillary agreed.

"Hey, we should play spin the bottle when everybody comes back!" Cassidy exclaimed suddenly, holding up her empty beer bottle and flipping her nearly waist-length light brown hair over her shoulder. "It'd be so fun! I haven't played for like, two years!"

"Oh my gosh, let's do it!" Hillary exclaimed.

Lorylyn jumped up and down. "I hope I get to kiss somebody hot!"

They all giggled.

Jill felt butterflies in her stomach. She really wanted to play, but she was afraid none of the boys would want to kiss her because she wasn't hot enough or cool enough or something.

When everyone started coming in from the water, Cassidy told Hilton and Brooke her idea, and they both loved it.

"Yeah, that'll be so fun! I'll get the boys!" Brooke giggled.

Hilton and Cassidy started deciding where there was room to make a big enough circle, and they pushed the picnic table over so there would be room between it and a big oak tree for everyone to sit on fairly flat ground.

Cassidy sat down holding her empty beer bottle, and Hilton joined her, waving the rest of the girls over. "Come on, guys!" she called excitedly.

Jill, Hillary, Lorylyn, and Sam all eagerly joined the circle.

"I hope Tiffany and Stacy don't play!" Jill whispered to Hillary, and Hillary nodded.

"Oh my gosh! I hope I get to kiss Landon!" Lorylyn whispered with a giggle. "Or Brady. He's so hot. I hope they play."

Brooke came back with several boys in tow, and, unfortunately, Tiffany and Stacy.

Jill saw Stacy glance in the general direction of the freshman girls and whisper something to Tiffany and Brady. Tiffany snickered and followed Stacy's gaze. Brady laughed and slapped Stacy lightly on the back, then sat down on the opposite side of the circle from Jill.

"Okay, are we ready?" Cassidy asked after a few more people sat down. "I'll start!" She giggled and placed her empty bottle on the grass in the middle of the circle, then spun it. It stopped on Kevin.

"All right, Kev!" a boy yelled. Jill didn't know him.

Kevin stood up and walked over to Cassidy, who stood up as he approached and lifted her face to his. They kissed lightly, and then Kevin returned to his seat with a grin as all the boys hooted and hollered.

Jill felt a little better. Cassidy was pretty, with her gorgeous long light brown hair, but she was completely flat-chested, and Kevin still seemed excited to kiss her. That was good. If they thought she was hot, hopefully they would think Jill was hot too.

When Kevin spun the bottle, it stopped on Landon.

"Oh, hell no!" Kevin cried, laughing.

"No, you guys have to kiss!" Brooke said. "It's the rules!"

"No way am I kissing him!" Landon exclaimed with a good-natured laugh. "The rule is he spins again!"

"Okay, okay," Brooke giggled, then gave a dramatic sigh and shrug of her shoulders.

Kevin spun again and got Brooke this time.

"All right, Brooke! See, aren't you glad we changed the rules?" Kevin teased her as he walked over.

"Oh, _soooo_ glad," Brooke said, batting her eyelashes at him. Then she giggled again and jumped up, smacked him quickly on the lips, and sat back down again, folding her legs under her and reaching into the middle to spin the bottle. "Ooohh, Brady!" she said, grinning at him and crawling seductively toward him. She stayed on her hands and knees as she leaned in to kiss him, and they kissed for a few seconds. Everyone cheered and clapped.

Jill giggled. This was so much fun. She hoped she would get to kiss someone hot! She liked Landon the best of all the guys here.

Brooke finally backed off from Brady, and he reached into the center of the circle and spun the bottle. Jill was shocked when it landed on her. She immediately felt unsure of herself and embarrassed. She was afraid he wouldn't want to kiss her, or the other guys would make fun of him for having to do so.

"Jill, right?" Brady asked with a charming grin as he stood up and walked over to her.

Jill nodded. She wasn't sure whether she should stand up or let him lean down to her. Finally she stood up quickly as he neared her.

Brady touched her face lightly with his palm and bent down, brushing his lips softly against hers. His dark hair tumbled in front of his face and Jill inhaled sharply. He was probably the sexiest guy she'd ever seen. This was definitely the best kiss she'd ever had. As Brady drew away, he patted her on the arm in a friendly manner and then said, "Awesome, we have a freshman girl who's a good kisser."

All the guys laughed and cheered, and Hillary nudged Jill excitedly with her elbow as Jill sat back down.

Jill looked at Hillary and tried to suppress the giddy laughter bubbling up inside her. She was glad it was dark so no one could see how red her face was.

"Hey, you have to spin," Hillary reminded her, and Jill quickly turned back to the center and grabbed the bottle. She spun it as hard as she could and watched it go around on the short grass. She could hardly believe her luck when it stopped on Landon.

"All right, Kessler!" Matt exclaimed, nodding his head at Landon and clapping a couple times.

Once again, Jill wasn't sure what to do; she didn't know if she should go over to Landon or wait for him to come to her. When she saw him standing up, she decided to meet him in the middle. She tried to walk nonchalantly over to him, as though she were completely confident. As they kissed, he touched his hand briefly to her arm and she did the same to his. It was a short kiss, but he had full lips like Brady, and Jill felt excited butterflies in her stomach. Now she didn't know which one was her best kiss ever.

Hillary nudged her again as she sat back down and motioned slightly to Tiffany and Stacy. "Look, they're so jealous," she whispered with a huge grin.

Jill glanced over and saw them both glaring at her. She couldn't resist a small, smug smile in their direction. When they rolled their eyes at her, it just made her even more excited. She couldn't even believe how well this night was turning out.

***

"I can't believe you got to kiss Landon!" Hilton gushed later as she joined Jill and Hillary on the stone wall with a Coke in her hand. She hopped up next to Jill with her back to the lake and took a sip of her drink. "You're so lucky! He's so hot; I've had a crush on him since, like, elementary school!"

"Haven't you ever kissed him?" Jill asked, surprised.

"No," Hilton said, wrinkling up her face. "He always just plays around with me, like a friend or something. I think he sees me as, like, a little sister."

"I wish he flirted with me how he flirts with you!" Jill said. "He is sooo hot! I bet you could get him if you wanted him!"

"Oh, yeah, definitely," Hillary agreed, nodding.

"I don't know..." Hilton said, shaking her head doubtfully. "So, was he a good kisser?" She grinned expectantly at Jill.

Jill grinned back. "Oh, yeah!" she giggled. "Well, from what I could tell anyways; I mean, I really barely even kissed him."

"Oh well, you can tell anyway," Hilton said. "Did it make you wanna kiss him more?"

Jill just giggled, and Hilton and Hillary smiled knowingly.

"Here's to spin the bottle!" Hilton said, lifting her Coke can for a toast.

Jill and Hillary raised their own cans to Hilton's. The three of them grinned at each other, and Jill felt as though they possessed some delicious secret.

### chapter 3) crushes and little white lies

Lorylyn thought she was in love. With Brady Cash. He was by far the hottest guy she'd seen at Landon's party. As she lay in bed later, she couldn't stop smiling when she thought of his eyes that were like deep pools of chocolate, or his cute curl that was always in front of them. And his smile....Lorylyn sighed contentedly to herself as she closed her eyes, picturing the way he flirted with Brooke and imagining what it would be like if _she_ were the lucky girl he chose to flirt with...

High school was going to be so great. She couldn't wait to see Brady again.

***

"So how was it?" Jill's mom asked at brunch the next day. The Sherers always went to the Brinkley House for brunch after the 10:30 church service on Sundays.

"It was so fun!" Jill exclaimed, practically bouncing in her seat. "We went out on the pontoon, and everybody went swimming. Me and Hillary and Lorylyn and Sam didn't even think to take swimsuits, duh! But we still went out on the boat, and it was so fun. Then we had burgers and hotdogs and stuff and just sat around up by the house and hung out." Luckily Jill's parents had been in bed when she'd come home last night, so they hadn't seen her wet clothes. She didn't think they'd approve of her jumping in the lake with her clothes on. Her outfit had been _mostly_ dry by the time she got home, but she had hung it over the shower rod in her bathroom. She'd never been gladder she had her own bathroom.

"You just 'hung out' for that long?" her dad asked, looking suspicious. Jill had gotten home shortly after one in the morning.

"Well, yeah, they had a picnic table outside and we, like, played euchre and stuff," Jill lied. "It was really cool. There were a lot of hot guys there." She grinned.

"Well, I'm glad you had a good time," her mom said with a smile. "Landon and his parents sound nice. Hopefully we'll be able to meet them sometime."

No! Jill thought. What a disaster! What if her parents said something about the parties and Landon's parents told them the truth?! But the Kesslers would probably know to be cool about it; they probably would play along and not mention what really went on at the parties. After all, they could get in trouble for having kids partying on their property. And why would they want other parents pissed off at them? Still, Jill hoped her parents never met Landon's parents.

***

On Monday two-a-day practices started for cheerleading, and Jill was glad because she got to spend more time with her new friends. Hilton, Cassidy, Lindy, and Brooke made a point now of including Jill, Hillary, Lorylyn, and Sam in their group, and Jill felt popular and much more at ease during practice.

The next weekend Landon had another party, and Jill and Hillary and Sam all went skinny-dipping this time. Cassidy was right; it was no big deal because nobody even saw anything. Jill felt a secret thrill as she jumped into the water. She was finally doing something daring! Lorylyn was still too shy, but it almost seemed to Jill that her shyness made the boys like her more. She was becoming a favorite with the sophomore boys; they were always flirting with her, and she was good at flirting back with them. Jill wished she were good at flirting like Lorylyn and Hilton and Brooke and everyone.

They played spin the bottle again, and Hilton finally got to kiss Landon. It was a goofy, playful kiss that lasted a few seconds, and Jill hoped she could get to know the boys well enough that they would goof around with her like that. Hilton couldn't stop talking about it the rest of the night to the girls, and there was a lot of giggling and excitement.

Hillary got drunk that night off two and a half beers, and she was acting a lot more outgoing than normal and dancing with all the guys when Landon turned on the stereo. Sam got drunk too and made out with a cute guy named Mike from the freshman football team whom she had kissed during spin the bottle.

Jill had a great time and really enjoyed the dancing. She still wasn't sure she wanted to drink, but at the same time she envied the girls who did, because they weren't afraid and they seemed to be having a lot of fun. She just wished something exciting would happen to her, like making out with a hot guy.

***

The weekend before school started, BCHS had its first varsity football game of the season. It was on Friday night in Logan, forty-five minutes away, and all the JV cheerleaders went because even though they didn't cheer for the whole game, they got to cheer along with the varsity squad during halftime. Jill and Hillary agreed it was a total rush being out on the track and feeling like everyone was looking at them. Even sitting in the front row of the stands during the game made them feel cool. Jill hoped everyone was looking at her and thinking she looked cute. Since it was an away game, not a lot of students had come, and Jill figured most of the ones who were here were upperclassmen, because she didn't know them. She hoped all the hot older boys saw her sitting with Lindy and Brooke and Hilton and thought she must be popular. Her favorite part of the whole night was when she got to tumble during halftime, because she nailed her back tuck and she knew everyone was watching. After they tumbled, Lindy ran over and gave Jill and Lorylyn high fives, and Jill grinned as they jogged back to the other cheerleaders. This year was going to be so much fun. She couldn't wait to start school.

***

The game wasn't so fun for Brooke. She was bored and kept scanning the stands, looking for Brady. She was extremely disappointed when he didn't show, and she hoped to hell he wasn't on a date with somebody. She and Brady had grown close last year in class, and over the summer she'd felt a new electricity between them. He flirted with her more than he ever had before, and she'd really started to like him. She hated that she was worrying about him being with another girl, and she decided right then and there that her goal was to make him hers...as soon as possible.

### freshman year

### 1997-1998

### she's so lucky...she actually got the guy she likes

### chapter 1) oh my gosh, he's so hot

Jill's first period class was biology. Just great. She hated science, so what a way to start high school. And of course none of her good friends were even in her class. She hung out with Hillary and Lorylyn by Lorylyn's locker until the five-minute warning bell rang. The three of them stood close together and surveyed all the students in the hallway. Most were huddled in small groups like they were. Some couples were passing by holding hands or standing face-to-face outside classrooms. A lot of older kids were going by too, because even though all the lockers in this hallway belonged to freshmen, it was the foreign languages hallway, and freshmen couldn't even take foreign languages yet. Jill had been hoping one of the other cheerleaders would pass by, or even better, one of the boys, like Landon. Just having someone like that say hi to her on the first day of school would've given her so much more confidence. But no such luck.

"Okay, guys, we better go," Hillary said glumly when the five-minute bell rang. "Jill, you're going to the 300 hallway, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'll walk with you. I have art."

Lorylyn moaned. "I have health. I have to go the other way."

"Okay, good luck in class! See you in geometry, right?" Jill asked.

"Yeah..." Lorylyn gave the girls a piteous look. "Okay, I'm going! Bye!" She flashed a quick, nervous smile and then dashed off.

Jill was so glad she didn't have to walk to class alone. They got to her classroom before Hillary's. "Bye, Hill. See you at lunch, okay? Meet me outside the cafeteria so we can get a table together."

"Okay, bye." They flashed anxious smiles at each other.

As Hillary walked quickly down the nearly deserted hallway, Jill turned, took a deep breath, and stepped into the classroom. As she scanned it quickly, her heart sank. She didn't see one person she knew. She wasn't even sure if any of them were freshmen. And worst of all, there weren't desks, but tables, so she would have to sit with people she didn't know. She picked a table that only had one other person sitting at it so far and sat in the chair at the opposite corner. The guy didn't even look up. He was staring at the table and listening to headphones. Great, Jill thought. She glanced around.

Oh, there's Kara Darson! she thought, breathing a little sigh of relief at a familiar face, even though Kara was someone Jill had only talked to about five times all through junior high. Kara looked in her direction, and Jill offered a friendly smile. Kara gave a small smile back.

Just then the bell rang, and Mr. Moore came in from the hallway, laughing and saying goodbye to another teacher. Jill had never seen him before, and she was surprised and delighted by his appearance. He looked to be only about thirty, and his long blond hair was held back in a messy ponytail reaching more than halfway down his back. He had on cargo pants and an untucked polo shirt.

"Good morning, scholars!" he bellowed, throwing his hands in the air. "Aren't you all excited to be starting biology today? A whole exciting year ahead of you!" He smiled warmly and looked around the room. "Well, I know you'll probably all hate me, but I'm gonna assign lab groups right away so you can get seated at the right tables and I can start getting to know your names."

He walked to his desk, which was off to the side of the room and cluttered with papers, folders, textbooks, and lots of random objects, including a tank with what looked like two hermit crabs inside. He sifted through a couple stacks of papers and folders before finally pulling out a piece of paper Jill assumed was the seating chart. Then he glanced at the hermit crabs. "Oh, I want to introduce you to our class pets, mascots, whatever you wanna call them." He reached into the tank and pulled out the larger of the two. It had a green and white shell. "This is Bio." He picked up the smaller one, with a blue shell, in his other hand. "And this is Logy. For my ecology classes, Bio's name changes to Eco."

Several students snickered, and Jill found herself smiling. Maybe biology wouldn't be so bad after all.

***

When first period ended, Jill waited for a minute outside her classroom, hoping to see Hillary when she passed.

"Hey, Hill!" she called, hurrying up to walk beside her. "How was art?"

Hillary smiled excitedly. "There's a totally hot guy in there!" She giggled. "Oh my gosh!"

Jill giggled too. "That's good! Bio wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. You have Moore, right? You'll like him."

"That's cool," Hillary said. "I have to hurry, 'cause I have to go all the way to the 900 hall for geometry. I'll see you at lunch!"

"Bye!" As Hillary hurried off, Jill walked more slowly in the other direction. She only had to go two hallways over to get to her English class. She was grateful for freshman orientation, when she, Hillary, Sam, and Lorylyn had spent almost an hour walking around to all their classrooms and learning their way around the huge school. One less thing to panic about today. But she was dreading this next class too. Five sections of advanced ninth-grade English and all her friends were in one together except her. Hillary, Lorylyn, Hilton. Sam wasn't taking advanced. Jill didn't think Cassidy was either.

When she walked into the room, it was only about half full. The desks were in diagonal rows facing the teacher's desk in the left front corner of the room. In the right front corner, away from the teacher's desk, was a group of guys Jill didn't know. They were talking and laughing loudly. Jill always felt a little intimidated by groups of guys like that, so she sat on the other side of the room. She tried to look at the boys without them noticing. Two of them were really cute. One had short brown hair gelled and combed forward, and the other had longer hair that came down across his forehead at an angle and fell past his ears. It was a light brown shade, almost blond. He looked like some kind of California surfer boy, wild and tan. Jill thought he was the cutest one.

"Hey, Jill!" she heard as someone sat down behind her.

She quickly looked away from the boys and turned toward the voice. It was Kat, Hilton and Cassidy's friend.

"Hey!" Jill exclaimed, relieved to see a familiar face. "I didn't know you were in here!"

"I hope we don't get a seating chart," Kat said with a roll of her dark eyes. She pushed her long hair over her shoulder. "I heard this class is a joke," she said more quietly, leaning toward Jill confidentially. "The teacher's, like, an alchie or something. In his own little world. He like, sits at home reading and drinking all the time. He's not married. The brooding literary type," she finished with a grin. Her eyes sparkled with laughter.

Jill grinned back. "Sounds interesting," she said.

As it turned out, there wasn't a seating chart. Jill was glad she'd be able to sit by Kat, but one of Kat's other friends was in the class too, and they seemed really close, so Jill was afraid she'd be the odd one out.

Oh well, she thought as she made her way to her locker before geometry, at least the day is going better than I expected! _And_ I have two hot guys in that class! She grinned to herself. Todd Blake and Tyler Bennett. Todd was the surfer one, the one she liked best, and Tyler was the one with short hair. She couldn't wait to tell Hillary and Lorylyn. She was glad she had geometry with Lorylyn next.

***

Lunch was in the middle of geometry. Jill was thankful to have the class split up, because she wasn't used to these ninety-minute classes yet. Brinkley-Caldwell was on block scheduling and had alternating green and gold days, with four different classes each day. It was a lot different from BJ, which had seven forty-five minute class periods a day.

Jill and Lorylyn hurried to the cafeteria from their geometry classroom, which was halfway across the school. They were nervous about getting a good table and finding good people to sit with.

"There's Hill!" Lorylyn said as they rushed down the hallway. She pointed to where Hillary stood in front of a bench in the commons outside the cafeteria.

"Hey, guys!" Hillary said eagerly. "Lindy and Andy were just going in, and they said we can sit with them!" She bounced up and down a little and clapped her hands.

Jill's and Lorylyn's mouths both dropped open in surprise at being asked to sit with sophomores, and they stared at Hillary as excited smiles broke across their faces.

"Come on!" Hillary said, pushing one of the doors open and leading them inside.

Lindy waved them over from a prominent table right in the middle of the large room. Andy, Brady, Hilton, and – Jill couldn't believe it! – the short-haired guy from her English class were already sitting at the table.

Jill elbowed Lorylyn. "That's one of them!" she whispered, her eyes wide. She'd had time to excitedly whisper to Lorylyn before geometry started that she had two hot guys in her English class. "Tyler!"

"Oh my gosh, he's so cute!" Lorylyn said, and she and Jill quickly followed Hillary over to the table.

"Hey, girls!" Hilton said, smiling brightly at them. "What's up?"

"Uh oh, I think I know you guys," Brady said in his sexy voice, flashing a playful smile at them as he tried unsuccessfully to blow his curly hair out of his eyes. "Hey, do you guys know Bennett?" He smacked Tyler across the chest. "He's on the freshman football team. First game Thursday, right?" Brady grinned again and nodded and winked in the general direction of Jill, Hillary, and Lorylyn.

"Hey," Bennett said with a small, almost bashful smile and quick nod at the girls.

"I think you're in my English class, right?" Jill said to him.

"Oh, really? Second period? Mr. Grayson?"

"Yeah," Jill said, feeling stupid because he didn't recognize her from class. Must've not stood out much, she thought disconsolately, and some of her fears about not being cute enough and not fitting in rushed back. Oh well, she told herself. He was talking to all his guy friends...it's no big deal. She felt a little better.

"Hey, so how are you guys's classes going?" Hilton asked, and Jill pushed the awkward moment with Tyler out of her mind. Her first day of high school was really going wonderfully.

***

After geometry, Jill had health with Hillary, and as soon as class was out they rushed back to their lockers together before heading to the gym for cheerleading practice.

"So what's your cute boy's name?" Jill asked, eager for details. She and Hillary hadn't really had a chance to talk yet.

"Dirk," Hillary whispered, sighing dramatically and batting her eyelashes. "Oh my gosh, Jill, he is so hot!" She stood looking around the hallway distractedly as Jill put her health book in her locker and pulled out her duffel bag with her stuff for practice. "I so hope I have another class with him tomorrow! Hey, I should ask Hilton if she knows him! I wonder if he has a girlfriend..."

"Oh, man, that would totally suck!" Jill said as she slammed her locker shut. She hadn't thought of that. She hoped Todd or Tyler didn't have a girlfriend. Probably Todd. He was hotter, and she felt weird about Tyler now after lunch. But they were both hot. She wouldn't really have a problem with either one.

***

"Oh, yeah, Dirk Dodson?" Hilton said in the locker room as they got ready for practice. "He's so hot! He used to go out with Blake Bishop though." She wrinkled her nose.

"You don't like her?" Hillary asked eagerly. She lowered her voice, glancing around to make sure Blake wasn't anywhere close. "We heard she's kind of a bitch." She glanced at Jill, who nodded, then back at Hilton, hoping to hear something interesting.

Hilton rolled her eyes. "She just thinks she's all great 'cause her mom's a doctor and her dad's the prosecutor and they have a lot of money. But she's a slut." Hilton pulled her long hair back into a careless ponytail. "At a high school basketball game last year, we were all in the upper bleachers, you know, and she gave Garrett Daniels a hand job with people sitting right next to them. They just had a coat over their laps."

Jill, Hillary, and Lorylyn all dropped their mouths open in shock. Jill couldn't even imagine giving a guy a hand job at all; she had only even kissed two boys before playing spin the bottle at Landon's, and they were both awkward, slimy kisses that grossed her out. She knew Hillary and Lorylyn had never done more than kiss a guy either. Actually, Lorylyn had never even kissed anyone. Jill wondered what Hilton had done with a guy before.

"But yeah, he's really cute. He plays basketball and baseball, I think," Hilton was saying to Hillary as she put her shoes on. Then she sat on the bench to wait for the rest of them. "So what lunch do you guys have tomorrow?"

"I have A," Cassidy said.

"Me too!" Jill said. She was excited, because Hillary and Lorylyn and Sam all had C. Now at least she'd know someone. She'd been dreading going in and trying to find a table by herself.

"I have A too," Hilton said. "Let's all sit together. Let's try to get the table we had today, Jill. Meet me in there tomorrow."

"Okay!" Jill said excitedly.

***

"So...how was your first day of high school? Tell us all about it!" Jill's mom said when she picked Jill up from cheerleading. Jill's younger sister Winnie was in the car too.

"Yeah!" Winnie exclaimed, clapping her hands together from the backseat. "Were there lots of hot guys?"

Jill grinned. Winnie was in second grade, and she'd always looked up to Jill, almost worshipping her. Jill loved her to death, even though she got annoying sometimes.

"Yeah, there were tons!" she said, looking back at Winnie with a wink. "Actually, there's a really hot guy in my English class. Todd Blake? He's _soooo_ cute." She sighed dramatically, placing her hand over her heart.

"What does he look like?" Winnie asked eagerly.

"Well, he has kinda long hair, like past his ears, and it's like light brown, kinda sandy or something. I wasn't close enough to tell what color his eyes were. But he was so hot! Oh, and it was so cool, 'cause Hillary and Lorylyn and I have the same lunch as Hilton and Lindy and Andy! And they invited us to sit with them! And Brady sits there too! He's one of the guys from Landon's parties I told you about, remember, Mom? And then there's this other guy who sits there too; his name's Tyler, and he's in my English class too. They call him Bennett 'cause that's his last name." Jill was going a mile a minute. When she finally stopped, her mom laughed, and when Jill turned around to look at Winnie, her younger sister looked completely enraptured. "Oh!" Jill said, remembering more to tell. "I thought bio was gonna be really bad, but my teacher's like, so cool! He's like really young and has a ponytail and he's really funny! I think my lab group might kinda suck though..." and she was off again, talking the rest of the way home and repeating it all at dinner for her dad's benefit. Talking about it all again made her even more excited than she'd been before. High school rocked.

***

"How's your day so far?" Hilton asked Jill the next day at lunch as they sat waiting for Cassidy to arrive. They had gotten here in time to claim the table they wanted.

"Oh my gosh, my gold day is gonna be a blow-off," Jill said. "I've had world history and careers so far, and next I have gym. And then SRT." SRT stood for student resource time, and the whole school had it last period on gold days. It was basically a study hall, during which clubs sometimes met and students could go to other teachers for help.

"I have gym next too!" Hilton said with a smile. "Where's your SRT?"

"In 708. Right across from the commons, I think."

"Oh my gosh, me too! That's awesome! This is gonna be so fun!"

Just then Brooke and Ashley Cassleman came up to their table.

"Hey, girls," Brooke said, raising her eyebrows sassily and flashing them a grin. "Can we sit with y'all?"

"Sure!" Hilton pulled out the chair next to her and Brooke dumped her bag on it, then plopped dramatically into the next chair over, flipping her shining brown hair over her shoulder.

"So there's like no one in this lunch," Brooke complained with a pout. "No guys, that is." Then she looked around the table and smiled. "We'll have some good girl time though! We can tell each other all our boy stories." She grinned mischievously just as Cassidy joined them. "So," Brooke said, still wearing the impish grin, "have we met any cute boys yet, girls?" She looked around expectantly.

"We're sitting with Brady for lunch on green days," Hilton told her. "And Tyler Bennett."

"Awww," Brooke said, pursing her lips into a pout again. "Brady. He's so cute. I wish I had lunch with you guys. Do you have A on green days too?"

"No, B."

"Oh, I have D. It's me and Ash and Amy and Blake Bishop and a bunch of other girls." She looked at Ashley. "We should've sat with boys, Ash!" She and Ashley laughed.

"Damn it!" Ashley said. "We should ditch them all tomorrow and sit with guys instead."

"Oooohh, let's do it!" Brooke giggled, and then their table was dismissed to go get their food.

***

After gym, Jill changed back into the clothes she'd had on before, jean shorts and a fitted T-shirt that said Logan Twisters, the name of the club gymnastics team she'd competed on during junior high. Hilton changed from her gym shoes into flip-flops but left on her gym clothes, a wife-beater and boxers. Jill envied her for being confident enough to go to another class wearing that, and Jill wished she could look as good as Hilton did with a messy ponytail and workout clothes.

"Why are you changing?" Hilton asked Jill. "We just have practice right after school."

"Yeah...I guess I shouldn't have; I just didn't even think about it. But I'd feel gross in my gym clothes..."

"Well look at me, it's not like I look good!"

"Oh my gosh, Hilton, you always look cute!"

Hilton shrugged and laughed. "Well, all the guys I like are sophomores anyway, so they won't be in our SRT!"

Jill and Hilton left the locker room and headed down the hallway. Just as they were about to turn into the main hallway leading away from the gym into the rest of the school, the surfer boy from English class passed them. He was walking with another guy Jill didn't know.

"Oh my gosh!" Jill whispered excitedly, grabbing Hilton's wrist without thinking. Then she felt dumb; she didn't even know Hilton that well, and she was surprised at herself because she had been about to tell Hilton she thought that guy was hot, and she'd grabbed her arm like she would've Hillary's or Lorylyn's or Sam's. Normally Jill was much more reserved with new people. She dropped Hilton's arm.

But Hilton was interested. "What?!" she asked, peering around the corner as they came to it and looking toward the two boys. "Do you like one of them?"

"Um," Jill said, feeling a little shy about it. "The one with the kind of light brown hair? Todd? He's in my English class." She looked at Hilton with a bashful giggle, hoping Hilton would know something about him.

Hilton looked at Jill with a knowing smile. "Todd Blake. Yeah. He went to Caldwell. He's a hottie! I love his hair. He's cool. He's actually friends with Dirk, the guy Hillary likes!"

"Really?! That's awesome!" Jill and Hilton were walking toward the commons, to their SRT room, and Todd and the other guy were still in front of them.

Jill could hardly believe her luck when they turned into room 708.

Hilton grabbed Jill's arm this time and gave a little bounce. "No way!" she squealed. "That's awesome, Jill! We have SRT with them. It's so perfect. You can talk to him all the time!"

Jill and Hilton grinned at each other, and Jill was extremely glad Hilton was in SRT with her. Hilton could maybe introduce her to Todd, and plus, she was so much fun. Jill felt like they were becoming really good friends already.

Jill fell behind Hilton and let her enter the classroom first, hoping she would sit by Todd. The room was almost full already though, and Todd and the other boy had taken seats in the middle. The only two seats left together were in the front corner, so Jill and Hilton sat there.

"Damn," Hilton whispered, rolling her eyes in Jill's direction. "That sucks."

Jill shrugged and tried to hide her disappointment. She was dying to turn and look at Todd and see if the other guy was hot too, but she was afraid of being too obvious.

"Maybe we'll have free time and we can go talk to them," Hilton said reassuringly.

As it turned out, the whole freshman class had to attend a convocation in the auditorium, at which the principal gave a long speech about the importance of academics and living up to the high expectations BCHS had for all its students. Jill had hoped she and Hilton might somehow start talking to Todd on the walk to the auditorium and sit by him, but almost as soon as they left their classroom, three other guys came and joined Todd and his friend. The five boys strode quickly ahead of Hilton and Jill and ended up entering the auditorium way in front of them and sitting a few rows up. Jill and Hilton found Cassidy and Sam and sat with them.

***

That night Hillary came home with Jill after cheerleading and had dinner with Jill's family, then the girls locked themselves in Jill's room to fill each other in on their first two days of high school.

"So, did you see Dirk any more?" Jill asked eagerly. She couldn't wait to hear more about him.

"Yeah! I've been dying to tell you all day! I looked for you at the convo but I couldn't find you. But anyway, yeah, he's in two of my classes today! And he's in our lunch, and he's sitting like two tables over from me and Lorylyn and Sam! And today we went and got our lunches at the same time and he was right behind me in line, and he bumped his tray into mine and then he was like, 'Oops, my bad.' And then he laughed, and oh my gosh, Jill, he has the cutest smile!" Hillary pressed her hand to her heart and fell over backwards on Jill's _Little Mermaid_ comforter. It was the same comforter she'd had since she was five, and she still loved it because it always made her feel safe and happy, like a little girl again.

"Ahh!" Jill squealed, bouncing on her knees on the bed. "That's so awesome! So did you talk to him in any of your other classes?"

"Well, he sat right behind me in SRT! And I had, like, no one in there I knew, and he came in after I was already sitting down and took the desk right behind me. But I didn't wanna like, turn around, you know? 'Cause I didn't know what I should say to him or anything, and he was with a friend. And then we went right to that stupid convo. And I lost him in the hallway. So I don't know. What do you think?"

"I bet he likes you! He sat right behind you after he flirted with you at lunch!"  
Hillary rolled her eyes. "Yeah right, I doubt it!" But Jill saw the flash of hope and excitement behind the sarcasm. Hillary kicked her legs in the air, then rolled into a tight ball on her side. "Ahh, I hope so! That'd be so awesome!" She giggled. "So, what about you? Have you met any hot guys yet?"

All of a sudden Jill felt strange, and almost guilty, because she realized she hadn't even mentioned Todd or Tyler to Hillary yet. She'd told Lorylyn as soon as she could, and she had even told Hilton, but she hadn't mentioned it to Hillary in two whole days. And they'd even had health class together and walked with each other in the hall and stuff. Normally she would've rushed right to Hillary and told her, or at least waited to tell her before telling anyone else. After hesitating a moment, Jill shook off the guilt.

"Yeah, there's actually two really hot guys in my English class. Well, one of them is Bennett, the one from lunch yesterday, remember?"

"Yeah! You didn't tell me you had class with him! Lucky!"

Jill grinned. "I know! And he has this really hot friend too."

Hillary drew one of Jill's pillows into her arms and hugged it, closing her eyes and sighing contentedly. "I love high school!" she said with a smile on her face, and Jill couldn't help smiling back, even though Hillary's eyes were closed.

Me too! she thought.

### chapter 2) ups & downs

By Friday Jill's excitement level had tapered off. The year had gotten off to such a great start and had held so much potential and promise, but it was already starting to seem as if she had reached the high point and things were plateauing. She still sat with Bennett at lunch on green days, but he didn't really talk to her – he basically just talked to Brady – and he hadn't talked to her at all in English class either. She sat by Kat and her friend in English but always felt a little left out of their conversations. Her biology lab group was made up of people who didn't talk at all and didn't seem too bright, and Jill was dreading the first actual experiment they would have to work on together. She hated world history because she had no friends in there, and careers was pointless and boring, but at least it seemed like it'd be a blow-off. Geometry was good because she got to sit by Lorylyn, but health, in which she'd expected to be able to talk to Hillary all the time, sucked because they had a seating chart and she and Hillary were nowhere near each other. Gym and lunch on gold days were fun, and she'd really been looking forward to SRT on Thursday, because maybe she and Hilton would finally be able to sit by Todd. Instead, Jill was let down when Todd didn't even show up. She and Hilton sat in a row along the wall, and every time the door opened, Jill stole a quick glance to see if it would be him, feeling more hopeless every time it wasn't. What if he had switched sections?

Hilton saw her looking at the door and grinned. "Basketball callout. Didn't you hear it on the announcements this morning? They start lifting soon, so they're having a callout already."

Jill was relieved. At least that meant he hadn't switched sections. She gave Hilton an innocent smile. "What? I don't know what you're talking about." They both giggled.

On Friday night there was another away varsity football game, and afterward Jill, Sam, and Lorylyn all stayed at Hillary's to catch up with each other.

Jill wasn't very excited to talk about Todd anymore, because it didn't seem like she had a chance of ever even talking to him, and when Hillary asked about him, she just shrugged and looked down at the pale pink carpet in Hillary's bedroom. "Um, I don't know. I don't know if I really like him or not."

"What about Bennett?" Lorylyn asked. "He's pretty cute."

Jill smiled at Lorylyn suggestively to draw the attention away from herself. "Do you like him?"

Hillary and Sam giggled and waited expectantly for Lorylyn's answer.

Lorylyn shook her head easily. "No. I like somebody else." She smiled secretively.

"Come on!" Hillary pounded her in the shoulder with a pillow. "You have to tell us!"

Lorylyn leaned away and giggled. "Okay, okay. I like Brady."

"Ahhhh!" the girls all squealed, laughing.

"He's _so_ hot!" Hillary exclaimed, standing up and twirling around the room. "He flirts with you a lot at lunch too!"

"I don't know," Lorylyn said modestly, trying to hide the grin toying with the corners of her lips. "I think he likes Brooke. I mean, it's really obvious."

"Maybe," Hillary said, still twirling. "But you have the advantage, 'cause you have lunch with him!"

"So how's Dirk? Anything new with him?" Jill asked Hillary.

"Yeah! He sat behind me in SRT again yesterday, but he didn't say anything, but then today in art he was joking around with his friends and they were saying he would never make JV basketball this year, and he turned around, 'cause I was sitting at the table like right in front of him, like his back was to me, and he was like, 'Hey, do you think I'll make JV?' And I was like, 'Sure.' And then he shook my hand and he was like, 'Hi, I'm Dirk.' And then he turned back to his friends and was like, 'See, she thinks I can make JV.' And then he turned around and winked at me!"

"That's so awesome!" Lorylyn cried. "Woohoo, Hill!" Then she turned to Sam. "Hey, what about Mike? That guy you made out with at Landon's? I think he's in our English class, right, Hill?" She glanced at Hillary, who nodded. "Have you talked to him at all?"

"No! I haven't even seen him. I have, like, no hot guys in any of my classes!"

"Well, that's okay," Lorylyn said encouragingly. "He might be at the JV game tomorrow, and maybe you'll see him again at Landon's sometime or something."

"Yeah, I hope so! He was cute!"

***

"Hey, where the hell were you guys Saturday?" Hilton exclaimed as Jill sat down at lunch the following Monday.

"Saturday?"

"Yeah, Landon's! I can't believe you guys didn't come!"

"What?!" Jill cried, immediately upset. "Landon had a party?"

"Yeah! Didn't you know? Oh my gosh, I feel so bad! I thought you knew!"

"No," Jill said, feeling completely left out. "No one told us!"

"Oh my gosh! And Todd was there too!" Hilton's face fell when she saw Jill's devastated look. She reached over and put her arm around Jill's shoulders. Cassidy joined them at the table. "But, hey, it's okay, it wasn't that great. Not as good as the ones this summer. We didn't play spin the bottle."

"Oh..." Jill couldn't believe no one had told her or Hillary or Lorylyn or Sam. She felt overlooked and unimportant, and most of all, completely dejected about missing out on Todd being there.

"Yeah, we didn't play spin the bottle, but Brooke had a good night," Cassidy said with a wicked smile as Brooke came up and slid into her seat.

"Oh yeah, she did!" Hilton said, giggling, her arm still around Jill.

Brooke tilted her head and raised her eyebrows at Cassidy as she put her bag on the chair between herself and Hilton. "Whatever could you be talking about?" she asked innocently, but her chocolate-brown eyes flashed mischievously.

Jill looked at Brooke, eager to hear what had happened.

"Okay, okay," Brooke said finally, drawing the words out with a sly, satisfied smile spreading across her face. "I may have made out with Brady just a little bit."

"A little bit!" Hilton cried. "Like half an hour! They were all over each other!" she told Jill. "They were dancing on the patio for forever, and then they went off down by the lake; who knows what else was going on down there!" she teased Brooke.

"Nothing, just making out. I swear," Brooke added when all three girls gave her doubtful looks. Then she grinned again. "Not that I would've minded doing more..."

Jill couldn't help grinning too. She knew Lorylyn liked Brady, but Brady and Brooke were just so perfect together, the way they flirted. She thought they would make a really cute couple.

"Yeah, Sam had a good night too," Hilton said. "She made out with Mike again." Hilton frowned suddenly. "Yeah, I can't believe you guys didn't know, 'cause Sam was even there! She came with you, right, Cassidy? I just figured she would tell you guys! Landon didn't even plan the party till Friday 'cause he thought his parents were gonna be using the cottage, but they decided not to go to the lake so he ended up having it. Sorry, I would've definitely called you if I thought you didn't know."

"It's okay," Jill said, boiling with anger inside. So Sam had known and not even bothered to tell them?! Jill wondered if she had known on Friday night at Hillary's. Lorylyn had even mentioned something about Sam seeing Mike again at Landon's! And Sam had probably known and not even said anything. What the hell?! Did she think she was too good for them now? Sam had so broken the forever friendship pact! Jill felt betrayed. She wished Hillary or Lorylyn were in this lunch, because she had to tell them. She didn't know how she'd get through cheerleading practice with Sam before she had a chance to spill the news. Ugh!

Her day didn't get any better when SRT was full again and not only did she not get to sit by Todd, but she didn't even get to sit by Hilton. She spent the whole ninety minutes sulking over missing Landon's party, and her anger at Sam kept growing. She wrote a three-page note to Hillary, but didn't even see her after school to give it to her. This whole day just totally sucked!

When Jill and Hilton got to the locker room, Jill was irritated to see Sam was already there, so she wouldn't have a chance to tell Hillary or Lorylyn now either.

"Hey," Sam said as Jill dropped her bag on the bench in front of her locker without saying hi to anyone. "I was just telling Hillary and Lorylyn, I'm so sorry I didn't call you guys about Landon's on Saturday. Cassidy called me at the last minute and I just figured someone called you guys too."

Jill was sure Sam's tone contained a hint of smugness when she reminded them of the fact that no one had called them.

"Whatever, no big deal," Jill said, trying to sound as if she couldn't care less. She tossed a glance at Hillary, who was sitting on the bench next to her, and Hillary's green eyes narrowed to show Jill she was pissed too.

***

Later, Jill and Hillary bitched about Sam on the phone for over an hour.

"I cannot believe her!" Hillary cried. "She just doesn't want us there 'cause she knows we're all cuter than her and would get all the guys! Why would any of the guys even want her? She's like, short and fat!" Her voice was hot with anger and hurt. "And Mike so isn't even cute!"

"I just can't believe it," Jill agreed, shaking her head even though Hillary couldn't see her. She knew Hillary was exaggerating about Sam being fat, but it made Jill feel good to hear Sam insulted. "I never thought she'd do something like that!"

"Yeah, well we'll be at the next Landon party!" Hillary stated adamantly. "And we'll get guys _way_ hotter than Mike! Screw her! She's no longer part of the pact! It's down to three of us now."

***

On Tuesday things got better again. In Jill's English class they had a free period to read _Great Expectations_ , and Jill sat against the wall under the window with her knees drawn up to her chest. At one point Todd left the room with a bathroom pass, and when he came back, rather than cutting across the room directly to Mr. Grayson's desk to return the pass, he walked past Jill. Right as he passed her, he dropped the laminated red pass on the floor.

"Oops, sorry," he said loudly as he bent down to retrieve it. He flashed Jill a grin, and she immediately had butterflies in her stomach.

"It's okay." She gave him a hesitant smile. As he continued toward Mr. Grayson's desk, Jill stretched her legs out and looked back at her book, pretending the encounter had had no effect on her.

All of a sudden, she felt someone trip over her feet and looked up to see Todd sprawl out on his stomach in front of her.

"Oops, sorry," he said again, then looked across the room to where Bennett was sitting, and they both cracked up laughing. Jill realized he had done it on purpose. She wasn't sure if he was flirting with her or teasing her for his and Bennett's enjoyment.

Todd remained sprawled on the floor. "I'm Todd." He held his hand out to her.

Jill raised her eyebrows in what she hoped was a "you're weird" look and gave him a limp-fish handshake, trying to come off as slightly amused but unimpressed. She hoped he couldn't tell how nervous she was. "Jill," she replied in a dry tone.

"Yeah, Bennett told me. He said he eats lunch with you." Todd, still lying on the floor, called over to Bennett. "Hey, dude, bring me my book. Come read with me and Jill."

Jill loved how he'd said "me and Jill." It was like they were friends, and they always read together. She looked up at Mr. Grayson to see if they were going to get in trouble for being so loud. He had his feet up on his desk and was holding a book up so close to his face Jill wasn't even sure he could see around it. He didn't even seem like he'd heard them. Jill looked back at Todd, then at Bennett.

"Nah, just come back over here. I don't feel like getting up," Bennett said.

"Fine, man, whatever. I'm reading with Jill. Hey, Jill, I guess I have to share your book." Todd pushed himself up to his knees, then turned over into a sitting position and scooted up right next to Jill so their shoulders were at the same level and their bodies were touching all the way down to their legs. The whole right side of Jill's body tingled. She moved away and laughed.

"No way. Get your own book."

"Actually, I'd rather just sleep." Todd dropped his head onto Jill's shoulder, shocking her. "Hide me from Grayson," he whispered loudly.

Jill stared at him a moment, noting his baggy jeans, Nike shoes, and Cubs T-shirt. His hair was touching her bare arm because she had a sleeveless shirt on, and his eyes were closed. She couldn't believe this was happening. Giddy, thinking of what she'd tell Hillary and Lorylyn and Hilton, she tried to shove his head off her shoulder. "Get off me!" she hissed, trying to be quiet but giggling as she put her hands under his head and tried to push it up. But he was a dead weight, acting as if he were passed out. Jill giggled. "Fine," she said, and scooted away from him so his head flopped to the side.

He opened his eyes and sat up. "Hey, that was really cool," he said, pretending to be upset. Then he looked over at Bennett again. "Hey, at least throw the damn book over here."

Jill looked toward Mr. Grayson again. He hadn't budged.

Finally Bennett got up grudgingly and came over to join Jill and Todd, shaking his head the whole way over, but laughing as he sat down. "Here's your frickin' book!" He threw it at Todd's face from two feet away, and Todd laughed and ducked.

Jill laughed again. This was _such_ a great day!

***

The next afternoon, Hilton and Jill got to SRT before Todd. They were sitting close to the door, and Jill was disappointed when Todd's friend came in and sat across the room. Todd would probably go sit with him now.

When Todd finally walked in, he did go sit with his friend, but he grinned at Jill as he passed and said, "Hey, Jilly."

Hilton widened her eyes at Jill. "Jilly?" she mouthed, then giggled, and Jill just shrugged as she flashed Hilton a delighted smile.

***

Over the next few weeks, Todd continued to flirt casually with Jill in English and SRT. She had noticed he was in her lunch on gold days too, but he sat way in a corner of the cafeteria, and their tables never went through the lines at the same time. She didn't think he even knew she was in that lunch. He had started sitting by her in English, and Bennett sat by her too. Jill and Bennett didn't really talk that much; it was mostly Todd and Jill or Todd and Bennett, and Jill wondered if maybe Bennett didn't like her. She didn't really care though, because he obviously had no influence over Todd's decision to sit by her and talk to her. Todd was always doing dumb junior high things Jill secretly loved, like pulling her hair or poking her with a pencil when he sat behind her and Grayson was talking. She would turn her head to the side and hiss, "Stop it!" with a grin, so he would start kicking the bottom of her chair instead. One day when Grayson stood up to address the class, his tie was loose and his shirt untucked, and Todd leaned forward so that his face was right at Jill's back and said in a low voice, "Look, he's hungover as shit. This should be fuckin' classic."

Jill grinned into her hand, which was propped under her chin, but remained facing forward. As Grayson went on about the symbolic significance of Miss Havisham's clocks, Todd continued to whisper sarcastically into Jill's back.

"Holy shit, he's gonna fall over. Watch...damn! I thought he was gonna trip on the carpet." His tone changed to one of pretend seriousness. "Dude, seriously, getting drunk on a school night? I'm disappointed. I would expect more from a highly distinguished teacher such as him. Hey, Jill, he looks pretty sexy up there with his hair all over the place like that. You should go after that. Have an affair with a teacher. Yeah. Kick ass."

Jill's shoulders were shaking from trying to control the laughter bubbling up inside her. When Grayson was facing the other way, she whipped her head around to face Todd and smacked him lightly on the side of the head. "Stop making me laugh!" she said under her breath.

Todd looked at her with innocent chocolate-colored eyes. "What? Me?"

Jill rolled her eyes at him and turned around. As soon as she was facing the front again, Todd jerked on a strand of her hair. She ignored him. He did it again, harder. She whirled around again and widened her eyes at him, trying to look annoyed. He laughed and leaned back in his chair.

Sometimes – whenever there were four empty seats together – Jill and Hilton sat by Todd and his friend Doug in SRT. Their SRT teacher, Mrs. Jenner, always made the class be quiet and work on homework the whole time, so the four of them started furtively slipping notes to one another whenever Mrs. Jenner wasn't paying attention. One day there was a storm drill, and the whole school had to file down into the basement. Jill made a point of staying close to Todd in the crowded hallway, and she got irritated and panicky whenever someone stepped between them. She would be so upset if they got separated and didn't get to stand together in the basement. Jill, Hilton, Todd, and Doug descended the stairs together, and Mr. Preston, the dean of students, pointed for them to go off to the left. They walked slowly, following the throng of students.

"Hey," a guy's voice said to Hilton, and Jill turned to look. It was Landon. Hilton beamed at him and then swatted playfully as he tugged on her ponytail. Jill grinned, knowing how excited Hilton must be. They were ushered into a tight little area with some pipes and about twenty other students. Landon and Hilton were still teasing each other, and Jill stayed close to Todd, thrilled it was tight enough that she basically had to be touching him. As they waited, Todd and Doug talked, and Jill laughed at what they said and joined in a little. She wished Doug weren't here so Todd would talk to her instead. She leaned a little closer to him so their arms and the whole sides of their bodies were touching.

She was disappointed a little later when they had to go back upstairs, but she stayed right by Todd in the hallway again, purposely brushing up against him a few times but making it seem accidental. She raised her eyes to the ceiling and said a silent thank-you prayer for the storm drill happening during SRT.

Landon didn't have any more parties for a while, and Hilton was disappointed because she wanted to play spin the bottle and kiss him again. On the weekends, Jill and Hillary and sometimes Lorylyn would hang out. Jill and Hillary had stopped spending time with Sam outside of cheerleading because they were still miffed about not being called for Landon's party, but Lorylyn seemed to think Sam had made an honest mistake and continued to hang out with her a lot. Sam was hanging out with Cassidy more and more though, so Lorylyn joined Hillary and Jill more frequently.

Lorylyn talked about Brady all the time, and he always flirted with her at lunch on green days. But Jill knew he had gone on a date with Brooke a couple weeks after they made out at Landon's.

"Maybe," Brooke said with a wink when Hilton asked her at lunch on a gold day if they had done more than make out this time. Jill didn't tell Lorylyn because she didn't want to ruin Lorylyn's harmless flirting time at lunch.

Hillary was talking to Dirk a lot, and she thought he might like her. The Homecoming dance was in a couple weeks, and she was starting to panic about whether he would ask her or not.

Jill hoped somewhat uselessly that Todd would ask her. She didn't want to go with anyone else, but she never considered it a real possibility Todd would ask, because she was sure he didn't see her that way, as a possible girlfriend. She just hoped she could find a date with someone halfway decent, because it would be awful to go to her first formal high school dance alone.

### chapter 3) homecoming

On Wednesday a week and a half before the dance, Todd pushed a note to the side of his desk for Jill during SRT.

I'm taking a pass, take one in a couple min. and meet me in the hall

Jill gave him a curious look, but he was already up and out of his seat, going to ask for a pass. Hilton looked back at Jill with a questioning look, and Jill shrugged.

When Jill went out into the hall a couple minutes later, Todd was sitting on a bench in the commons. She went over and sat beside him, poising on the edge of the bench and turning to face him. "What's up?"

"Hey, so would you be interested in going to the Homecoming dance with Bennett?"

Jill's heart raced and then when he said the last word she was caught completely off guard. She'd been thinking he was going to say "with me." She stared for a moment, feeling the shock and disappointment sink in. "Um, well, I don't know..."

"Well, hey, it's cool, you don't have to decide right now or anything, but he wants to ask you. So I just wanted to see if you might wanna go."

"He doesn't even talk to me..." Jill said mindlessly, not able to look directly at Todd. She felt numb.

"Yeah, well, he's kinda shy around girls and stuff. But he likes you. So do you think you might go if he asked you?"

"Um, yeah, I guess." Jill felt like crying. What else could she say? She didn't know how to turn him down.

"Sweet-ass," Todd said, grinning at her and slapping her on the back.

Jill cringed. It was like she was his sister.

"Okay, well, I'm headed back in," Todd said. "You might wanna wait a couple minutes so it doesn't look suspicious." He stood up and walked casually across the hall and into the classroom without looking back.

Jill pulled her knees up to her chest and rocked on the bench. She felt the tears coming and choked them back. It's not like Bennett was that bad, but she was completely devastated. Was that the only reason Todd had started talking to her, because he knew the whole time that Bennett liked her? She knew it was stupid, but she felt like Todd had betrayed her. It would have been one thing if Bennett had asked her himself; she probably would have said yes and been okay with it. But for Todd to do it...

Finally she pulled herself together and went back into the classroom. She didn't even look Todd's way as she took her seat beside him. When Hilton glanced back at her questioningly, Jill met her eyes briefly and then had to look away because she could feel the tears welling up again.

***

After school, she expected Hilton to ask her about it as soon as they were out of the room, but the second they stepped out the door Hillary was there, a huge grin on her face, looking like she was about to start jumping up and down.

"Dirk asked me to the Homecoming dance!" she gushed in an ecstatic whisper. She couldn't get the silly smile off her face.

"That's awesome!" Hilton cried, grabbing Hillary's hands.

Jill managed a smile. "Yay, Hill!" As they headed for their lockers, she fell behind Hillary and Hilton and tried to shake off the cloud of self-pity that was darkening all around and threatening to enclose her.

***

Jill dressed slowly for practice, and Hilton lingered on the bench in the locker room after everyone else had gone down to the track.

"What happened with Todd?" she asked as soon as everyone was gone.

Jill looked at Hilton in the mirror as she put her hair in a high ponytail. "He asked me if I wanted to go to the Homecoming dance with Bennett." Suddenly she turned away from the mirror and broke down, putting her hands over her face as the tears spilled down. She collapsed on the bench with her head in her hands. "I'm being so stupid, I know, but I really wanted to go with Todd! And I thought he was gonna ask me, and then he said Bennett's name. He was asking me if I wanted to go with Bennett." She looked at Hilton through tear-stained eyes, then buried her head in her hands again as a fresh round of tears caused her shoulders to shake violently.

Hilton scooted closer to Jill and hugged her. "Aww, hon, I'm sorry. What a jerk! I can't believe he did that." She rubbed Jill's back soothingly. "But, hey, it's not that bad...Bennett's hot too! And maybe seeing you with him will make Todd jealous. Did you say you'd go with him?"

"Yeah," Jill moaned, wiping at her eyes. "I didn't know what else to do."

"Well, he'll be fun to go with! And you're better off than me; I still don't have a date! And we both know the guy I like will never ask me."

Jill smiled through her tears. "Oh, come on, Hilton, you could so get him if you tried."

"Maybe. But don't worry about this. It's only one night, and it's gonna be so much fun. Bennett's cute, and he's funny if you get past the shy part. Maybe you'll end up liking him better than Todd. Maybe you guys will start dating or something!"

Jill doubted it, but she did feel better. Bennett _was_ hot; she'd thought so since the beginning. She'd thought he didn't like her, but maybe Todd was right; he was just shy. She could have done a lot worse. And she'd told herself all along it was unlikely Todd would ask her. It was going to be fine; she would have fun. "Thanks, I feel a lot better," she told Hilton, smiling again.

Hilton smiled back and hugged her again, and then Jill dried her eyes and they headed downstairs to practice.

Once again, Jill felt a sense of strangeness because she'd told Hilton this story rather than Hillary, and because she probably _wouldn't_ tell Hillary. Hill was so excited about Dirk and had actually gotten a date with the guy she wanted, and Jill felt a little embarrassed and inferior because her own luck had been so much worse.

***

Hilton felt terrible for Jill. She could imagine how she'd feel if something like that happened to her, and even though she'd only known Jill for a few weeks, she could tell how much Jill liked Todd. Hilton thought Jill and Todd would make an adorable couple, and she really hoped they'd get together. She wished she could be around the two of them more often so she could get a better idea of whether Todd liked Jill or not. She usually thought it was really easy to tell when guys their age liked girls. Which was why her gut instinct that Landon didn't like her that way was so upsetting...

Oh well, she thought to herself now. I should probably just say yes to Kevin and stop hoping Landon will ask me...

Kevin had asked her a week ago, and Brady had mentioned at lunch yesterday that Landon probably wasn't even going to ask anyone because there was no one he liked. And she didn't want to ask him if he didn't like her, because he'd probably say yes and then treat her like a little sister the whole night...

As Hilton walked downstairs with Jill, she wished there were something she could do to make Jill feel better. As she thought about it, she realized she probably considered Jill her best friend. In junior high she'd always had a big group of girlfriends, but never really one best friend, because a lot of the girls were way too gossipy and cliquey for her, and she wanted to avoid the drama and just be friends with everybody. But she thought she and Jill were a lot alike, and they got along so easily and naturally.

Hilton smiled. It was exciting to have a new best friend!

***

"So..." Brady said with a grin the next day at lunch as he lifted an overflowing forkful of mashed potatoes and gravy to his mouth, "I hear you two are going to the Homecoming dance together." He looked from Bennett to Jill and nodded approvingly as he shoved the fork in his mouth and licked it off thoroughly.

Jill blushed and looked down at the table. Bennett had called her the night before and asked her, and she had said yes, feeling like spitting in Todd's face. Today English had been awful, because Todd had teased her about liking Bennett and had drawn her a picture of two stick figures in a tree that said, _Jill and Tyler, sittin in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g_. Jill had crumpled up the drawing and shoved it in her bag while Todd laughed, thinking he had succeeded in embarrassing her. What she really felt was nausea. She'd flushed the piece of paper down the toilet during the next passing period.

"Aww, you guys are shy, how cute," Brady said as he took a swig of milk from his little carton. As he replaced the carton on his tray he turned to Lorylyn. "Who are you going with, Miss Lorylyn?" He said it teasingly and affectionately.

Lorylyn took a quick drink of milk in order to be doing something with her hands. "I don't know yet." She then busied herself with buttering a roll.

Brady turned to Hilton. "And you?"

Hilton shrugged. "Oh, I don't know yet."

"I thought Kevin asked you," Brady said with a frown. Jill assumed he was referring to the Kevin from Landon's parties. Jill was surprised. She had no idea Kevin had asked Hilton.

"Yeah," Hilton said, popping a chicken nugget into her mouth. "I haven't answered," she finished as she chewed, flashing Brady a smile that said, I have all the power in this situation and I know it.

Brady laughed. "Keeping your options open, huh?"

"Maybe," Hilton replied coyly. "Or maybe I'm just playing hard to get."

Jill wondered if Hilton was waiting because she hoped Landon would ask her. Jill hadn't heard if Landon was going with anyone yet, but Brady had said Landon might not go at all.

"What about you, Brady?" Hilton asked, a teasing challenge in her voice.

"Oh, I think I know who I'm gonna ask," Brady said with a secretive grin, and Jill and Hilton exchanged a small smile. They were both sure it would be Brooke.

Just then the bell rang to dismiss lunch, and everyone stood up to go empty their trays. Jill walked to the tray return with Hillary and Hilton, then turned to look for Lorylyn to walk back to geometry with her, but didn't see her anywhere. Maybe she went to the bathroom, Jill thought, and headed back to class by herself.

***

Lorylyn had been the first one up from the table, and as she was headed out of the cafeteria to make a quick stop at the bathroom, someone grabbed her arm from behind.

"Lorylyn!"

She turned in surprise and delight as Brady stepped up beside her, flashing that charming grin. She practically drooled. "Hey, Brady! What's up?"

"Can I walk back to class with you? Where're you headed?"

"Um, geometry," Lorylyn said, bewildered. "The 900 hallway." She was both shocked and flattered that he wanted to walk with her. He'd never done that before.

"So you don't know who you're going to the dance with, huh?" Brady asked as he walked beside her, his hands in his pockets.

"No." Lorylyn looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Oh no! What if he was going to ask her to go with one of his friends or something?! Like Todd had done to Jill! Jill had told her about it on the phone last night. How awful!

"So...would you wanna go with me?" He turned to look at her, raising his eyebrows in a timid gesture, like he was scared of a rejection.

Lorylyn's mouth dropped open. "What? Me? You want me to go with you?" She stared incredulously, coming to a stop in the middle of the hallway.

"Uh...yeah..." Brady looked around self-consciously as he stopped and faced her. "But you don't sound too excited about it..."

"No, no, I'll go!" Lorylyn blurted. "I just...I just am really surprised you asked me!"

"Oh," Brady said with a laugh, looking relieved. "Well, good!"

"Okay!" Lorylyn said eagerly, not even able to really grasp what was happening. Brady Cash had just asked her, Lorylyn Porter, a freshman, to the Homecoming dance!

"Okay, cool," Brady said. "Well, can I walk you the rest of the way to your class?"

"Sure!" She walked silently, not sure what to say...too excited to form a complete thought. When they reached her classroom, she paused awkwardly. "This is it..."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'm glad we're going together." Brady smiled, melting her heart, and touched her lightly on the arm. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too!" Lorylyn said quickly.

"Okay, well I gotta go, later!" Brady started down the hall, then turned back and winked at her.

Lorylyn's eyes widened excitedly, and she stood there in astonishment. Then suddenly her body jerked into motion, and she rushed into the classroom to tell Jill.

***

When Jill had rounded the corner outside her geometry classroom, she was surprised to see Lorylyn standing outside the room with Brady. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but they were smiling, and when she walked past them into the room, she saw out of the corner of her eye as Brady touched Lorylyn's arm and then walked down the hall in the other direction.

Lorylyn bounded into the room and dropped into her seat next to Jill. "He asked me!" she cried breathlessly.

Jill's mouth dropped open. "What?!"

"Brady! He asked me to the dance! Oh my gosh, Jill, I can't believe it! I'm so pumped!" Lorylyn's dark eyes shone with excitement.

"Oh my gosh! Wow, that's awesome, Lorylyn! You guys will look so cute together!" Even as she said it out of an instinctive effort to hide her shock, Jill realized she believed it. She thought Lorylyn and Brady would make an adorable couple. But so would he and Brooke. And Jill had been so sure he would ask Brooke...especially after their date....She was almost positive Lorylyn didn't know about the date. This was so great for Lorylyn, but how the hell was Brooke going to react?! And what was up with Brady, going from one to the other? His date with Brooke had been only a couple weeks ago....She hoped Lorylyn wouldn't get hurt.

***

"Brooke! Brady asked me to the dance!" Lorylyn cried ecstatically as soon as Brooke walked into the locker room after school.

Jill looked up quickly, just in time to see Brooke's face freeze as she came to a dead standstill right inside the door. Her duffel bag dropped off her shoulder into her hand as she frowned at Lorylyn. "What?"

"Yeah, he asked me today! I thought you'd be excited 'cause you kinda introduced me to him, you know, at Landon's this summer," Lorylyn explained, sheer joy radiating from her face, her smile, her whole body. Jill could feel it in the room, and now she felt a thick tension hovering as well.

Brooke blinked and shook her head quickly, then hoisted her bag back onto her shoulder. "Hey, that's great, sweetie," she said, patting Lorylyn's shoulder as she brushed by her. She had a look of disbelief on her face as she passed Jill, but Lorylyn hadn't noticed anything amiss, and she was still glowing as she resumed telling Hillary exactly how it had happened.

***

The next day at lunch, Brooke, unlike her usual talkative self, was silent, staring at her food and twirling her fork repeatedly around in her spaghetti but not eating more than a few bites.

That afternoon on the bus on the way to the varsity game, she announced she was going to the dance with Taylor Brown, the senior quarterback. All the girls were impressed and told her how jealous they were, and Brooke smiled in satisfaction and seemed much more like her normal self. Jill did notice, however, that she avoiding talking to Lorylyn the whole night.

***

On Monday the Homecoming Princes and Princesses for each grade were announced. The sophomores who got voted onto the Court were Brooke, Lindy, Brady, and Landon. Hilton was one of the Freshman Princesses. The other was Paige Largo, who had been one of the most popular girls at BJ. Her boyfriend since fifth grade, Nick Castle, was a Prince, and the other Prince was Riley Russell, an average-looking kid who had been the class clown of Brinkley North Elementary and BJ for as long as Jill could remember.

Brooke said at lunch on Tuesday she thought she would be paired with Brady for the Court, because they had been together last year. That afternoon in SRT, when Hilton got back from the Homecoming Court meeting in the cafeteria, she passed Jill a note saying that Brooke had for sure been paired with him. And Jill and Hilton could tell Brooke was pleased when she reported the news to their lunch table Thursday...a little too pleased. The cat-like smile on her face worried Jill.

"I hope she doesn't do anything to hurt Lorylyn..." Jill groaned on the way to gym, and Hilton's only reply was a silent look that made Jill extremely nervous for Lorylyn.

***

Friday was Crazy Charger Day, and Jill and Hillary spent all of Thursday night after the freshman football game planning and making their outfits. They tie-dyed green and gold shirts and socks and then painted the shirts with fabric paint. On the front they wrote **BC** in big, bold letters, and underneath that, Homecoming '97. On the back they wanted to paint their names.

"We should come up with fun nicknames," Hillary suggested. "That's less boring."

"Just come up with nicknames that no one's ever heard of?" Jill giggled. "That'll be fun to explain."

"I know!" Hillary said as an idea struck her. "Let's be Hilly and Jilly."

Jill's eyes brightened. "Okay! I like that!" She realized she hadn't even told Hillary that Jilly was what Todd called her. She didn't talk much about Todd to Hillary anymore, because she didn't want Hillary to know how much she'd wanted to go to the dance with him.

***

At the pep session on Friday afternoon, the Homecoming Court couples competed in a race where each couple had to place a balloon between their stomachs and, without touching the balloon with their hands, sashay to the center of the gym, pop the balloon by slamming their bodies together, and run back. It was a race between the classes, and since the senior class had three Court couples, one couple from each other class had to do it twice. The sophomore couples were in the corner of the gym where the cheerleaders were gathered between cheers.

"We'll go twice, Mrs. Miller!" Brooke volunteered, pointing back and forth between herself and Brady.

"Great, thanks, Brooke," Mrs. Miller, one of the sophomore guidance counselors, said. "You two will go first, then Lindy and Landon, then Brooke and Brady again. Come on, let's get into position." She took Brooke and Brady by the shoulders, and as they stood facing each other, she placed a balloon between them. Brooke held Brady's shoulders and he held her waist.

Jill glanced at Lorylyn. She was laughing at them and didn't seem bothered by it. If only she knew how much Brooke likes him, Jill thought.

The student council president announced the race and introduced the Court couples, and then counted down. "Three, two, one...GO!"

Couples took off from all four corners of the gym, galloping idiotically toward the center. When Brooke and Brady were halfway there, their balloon fell out.

"Come back, come back!" Mrs. Miller and Mr. Vaughn, the other sophomore counselor, yelled, waving frantically at them. They galloped back, still clinging to each other, and Mrs. Miller placed another balloon between them.

"Hold on tighter this time!" Brooke shouted to Brady, and they took off again, squishing the balloon between them.

Jill turned and glanced at Lorylyn again. She wasn't smiling anymore, but she was staring at them.

"I wish that was me," Lorylyn mouthed to Jill and Hillary.

"Don't worry, it'll be you holding onto him like that tomorrow night," Hillary said with a grin.

When Brooke and Brady finally reached the middle, they threw their bodies together in a violent hug and the balloon popped between them. Brooke cheered, and they turned and ran back.

Just then Hilton and Riley were starting from another corner. Jill watched them, almost doubling over in laughter as their balloon started to slip out from between them and they struggled to balance their weight to hold it up while keeping up their speed. Suddenly, in a blur of feet and legs, they tumbled to the ground, still holding each other's arms, and rolled a couple of feet forward.

Jill and Hillary were laughing so hard they had to hold on to each other to keep their balance.

"Oh my gosh!" Jill gasped, tears of laughter streaming down her face.

Lindy and Landon had been successful, and Brady and Brooke started out again. This time their balloon popped before they even got to the center.

"If you guys wouldn't hug so hard that wouldn't happen!" Blake Bishop called out with a giggle. "Save that for tomorrow night!" Then she turned to Susan Kruger and said more quietly, but still in a voice intended for the other cheerleaders to hear, "Oh wait, they're not going to the dance together, are they?"

Jill whirled around to glare at Blake, just in time to see her smile smugly in Lorylyn's direction. Ugh! Jill thought. She's probably just trying to suck up to Brooke and get in good with her! Jill looked over at Hillary and they shared a look that said, Yep, she really is a bitch!

Note to self: Stay away from Blake Bishop! Jill thought.

***

It was a perfect night for the Homecoming game. Brooke was glad the weather was nice so she'd been able to wear a short skirt. Since she wasn't a varsity cheerleader, she'd been allowed to skip wearing her cheerleading outfit tonight and dress up for the Homecoming Court instead. Now it was almost halftime, and the whole Court, minus the football players and varsity cheerleaders, was gathered together, ready to walk out on the track. As she stood at one end of the track talking to Lindy and Hilton, Brooke glanced at Brady out of the corner of her eye and was pleased to see him subtly checking her out.

"Okay, we need everybody in line!" Mr. Hooper, one of the assistant principals, called out. "Thirty seconds to halftime!"

Brooke shifted her lone white rose to the other hand and adjusted her green Homecoming Princess sash. She took her place behind Hilton but ignored Brady as he stepped up beside her. She wasn't over being pissed at him for not asking her to the dance, and she'd barely talked to him since he'd asked Lorylyn.

"Ready, Brookie?" he asked, grinning at her.

"Sure," Brooke said uninterestedly, only meeting his eyes for a split second.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, come on, Brookie, you can tell me." Brady reached out and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and knocking her a little off balance.

Brooke shoved out from under his arm and pretended to be captivated by the football players rushing off the field. "Careful, I'm wearing heels," she snapped.

Landon jogged over, holding his helmet in one hand, and joined Lindy.

Brooke turned around to smile jubilantly at Lindy. This was their second year on the Court together, and they both loved walking out in front of the crowd.

"I'm so excited!" Lindy said, putting her hand through Landon's arm.

"Welcome to Brinkley-Caldwell Homecoming 1997! Let's hear it for those Chargers!" the announcer's voice boomed out over the bleachers onto the field. He waited while everyone in the stands screamed and applauded. "We're pleased to introduce to you this year's Homecoming Court. But first, let's welcome back our 1996 King and Queen, Clark Borderman and Ivy Leshore. Clark is currently a freshman at Eastern Indiana University, majoring in political science. And Ivy has flown all the way back to join us from Georgia, where she's studying education and running track at the University of Atlanta. Let's hear it for Clark and Ivy!" He paused to give everyone in the stands time to scream and applaud some more. "And now, please welcome our first Freshman Princess, Paige Largo..."

Brady peered down at Brooke. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yep, fine." She stared straight ahead, and the smile she'd offered Lindy was replaced by a carefully blank expression. She wanted Brady to feel like she was excited to be around Lindy but not him.

"Our second Freshman Princess is Hilton Joliet. Hilton is the daughter of..."

"Okay, well, are you ready?" Brady offered Brooke his arm.

She slid her hand through lightly, still refusing to look at him.

"Our first Sophomore Princess is Brooke Carlson, daughter of Ron and Meredith Summers of Brinkley. Brooke is active in football and basketball cheerleading and Spanish Club. She is escorted by Sophomore Prince Brady Cash, son of Donald and Diane Cash of Caldwell. Brady is active in baseball and Spanish Club. Let's hear it for Brooke and Brady!"

Brooke smiled radiantly as she and Brady walked down the track. It felt so right, hearing her name with his. They _should_ be together. What the hell did he want with Lorylyn?! Maybe I've been giving out the wrong signals, she thought. Maybe he thought I'd lost interest so he asked Lorylyn instead. But how is that even possible?! I made it pretty obvious I liked him! And all my friends think Brady and I would be the perfect couple.

As they came to a stop beside Hilton and Riley, Brooke stood closer to Brady than necessary. She knew they made a striking pair, and she wanted to make sure every spectator, including Lorylyn, realized it too.

Lorylyn's going down, stupid little bitch! she thought, and she flashed the crowd a winning smile.

***

The next afternoon, Jill and Hillary got ready for the dance together. Jill was really starting to look forward to it. She was still riding the high of the 31-0 blowout the night before. After the game everyone had hoped to go to Landon's, but his parents were using the cottage because they said it would probably be one of the last nice weekends of the year.

"Can't you go up on Saturday?" Landon had asked. "Why do you have to go after the game?"

"Landon, we are not letting you have a party on Homecoming weekend. The cops are gonna be expecting parties, and we just wanna be careful."

"You always let me have one on New Year's! Don't you think that's more of a time the cops would be expecting parties than Homecoming?"

"On New Year's it's cold and you're inside. We don't have to let you have a New Year's party this year though, if you think it's too risky."

So Landon had shut up and Lindy had invited the girls to stay at her house, which Jill was secretly glad about, because she knew her parents weren't thrilled about her going to a party at Landon's on Homecoming weekend. At two in the morning they had snuck out to meet the boys at Lindy's pond, which was far away from her house and surrounded by trees; her parents would never hear them. Before they snuck out, they had already finished off a bottle of her parents' whiskey that Lindy said they'd never miss because they had practically a full bar, and the boys brought beer Landon's brother had bought. Jill had hoped Todd would come, but it was just the sophomore boys.

Jill had let Lindy pour her a whiskey and Coke inside, but she had only finished about a fourth of it. She didn't think she was ready to get drunk, but she thought everyone else was buzzing, so she pretended she was too.

They went skinny-dipping in the pond, just like they would've at Landon's lake, then played spin the bottle with the empty whiskey bottle Lindy had brought along.

"Yay!" Hilton had cried when Lindy grabbed the bottle off her bed. "Good thinking!"

The only time the bottle landed on Jill, the spinner was Kevin, Hilton's date to the dance. Jill kissed him as quickly as she could and returned to her place on the dewy grass. She didn't want Hilton to think she was interested in him or anything. But Hilton just laughed and clapped when they kissed, and Jill remembered Hilton didn't even like him.

When Jill spun, she got Brady. She kissed him quickly too, embarrassed as she thought of Lorylyn and Brooke both watching. She prayed Brady's spin would land on Lorylyn. It landed halfway between Brooke and Landon.

"Well, I think that's me, unless you wanna kiss Kessler," Brooke said loudly.

"I think I'll pass on Kessler," Brady replied as he pushed himself to his feet and walked toward Brooke. He walked right into her and kissed her all in one motion, and their bodies were pressed together for a brief second before Brady pulled away. "Kess, you want some, too?" Brady asked jokingly, making a playful half lunge at Landon before laughing and returning to his seat.

Jill stared after him, her mouth practically watering, then looked at Brooke. Their kiss had been so sexy it almost took her breath away. She wished she would have a kiss like that! Brooke licked her lips and smiled from ear to ear as she reached out to spin. Jill tried to see Lorylyn's facial expression in the dark but couldn't.

"What do you think is up with Brady?" Jill asked Hillary now, as they sat in their robes in Hillary's bedroom painting their toenails and fingernails.

"You mean the Brooke thing? I don't know. That was a crazy kiss last night!"

"I know! I just don't understand why he'd ask Lorylyn, after that night at Landon's where him and Brooke made out. And it seems like there's still something there."

"Oh, yeah, there's gotta be something there!"

Jill didn't tell Hillary about Brooke and Brady going on a date, because she was afraid Hillary would tell Lorylyn, and she didn't want to upset Lorylyn. She changed the subject. "So I guess I'm actually kinda excited to be going with Bennett. Tyler. Should I call him Tyler? I'm used to calling him Bennett now, 'cause that's what Todd calls him."

"I'd go with Tyler. So, who's Todd going with, anyway?"

"He's not going at all, I guess. He said dances aren't really his thing."

Hillary rolled her eyes. "Like half the freshman guys aren't going! They're so immature! We're lucky we got two of the good ones who _are_ going!"

Jill had to agree with that. She did feel lucky to be going with Bennett – Tyler – ...at least she had a date! And a cute one too.

***

The dance turned out to be a lot of fun. Jill and Tyler and Hillary and Dirk sat at a table with Lorylyn, Brady, Hilton, and Kevin. Jill thought all the girls looked gorgeous, and she hoped Tyler thought she looked okay. She had picked out a short purple dress with a poofy skirt and four spaghetti straps on each shoulder that crisscrossed in back, leaving a lot of her back bare. Tyler had gotten her a white corsage with baby's breath, and she thought it was beautiful. Her dark hair was curled up into a French twist, and she wore silver three-inch heels and carried a small silver purse.

Hillary's dress was short too, a bright green that contrasted perfectly with her blonde hair and brought out her green eyes. Hilton's and Lorylyn's dresses were long, as were most of the older girls'. Jill wondered if she should've gone with a long dress. Hilton's was light blue with a sharp V-neck that Jill didn't think her own mom ever would've let her wear. It was form-fitting but loose enough to move comfortably in, and it had a slit that cut up just past Hilton's left knee. Hilton's golden-brown hair – the color of it reminded Jill of a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie – was down and curled into loose, messy waves that seemed to float when she moved. Jill thought she looked like a movie star.

Lorylyn's dress was dark purple and flowy, with a somewhat low, straight-across neckline and thin spaghetti straps. She wore her black hair up in a cute curly ponytail on top of her head, and her curls bounced when she fast-danced. She and Brady made an adorable couple, Jill thought. They had matching black hair, and Brady, who was almost a foot taller than Lorylyn's 5'1, looked at-ease and sexy staring down at her as they slow-danced. His laid-back, easy smile seemed a perfect match for her excited, bubbly one, and Jill couldn't help but smile as she watched them while she danced with Tyler. She wished Tyler were a little taller; he was probably only 5'9 or so.

As she and Tyler slowly turned in a circle, Jill spotted Brooke and Taylor Brown dancing in the middle of the floor. Brooke was whispering something into Taylor's ear, and then they both laughed with their faces pressed close together.

Brady looks good with Brooke too, but somehow in a different way than he does with Lorylyn, Jill thought. She looked back to Lorylyn and Brady. They were standing a little ways apart as they danced and were looking into each other's eyes, talking and laughing. They had an air of innocence and the excitement of a new relationship about them, Jill decided, while Brooke and Brady, when together, had an air of...intimacy. Like they had sexy, exhilarating secrets that only the two of them shared, and that Jill couldn't even begin to imagine.

***

After the dance, Jill, Tyler, and the other three couples who had shared their table went cosmic bowling in Caldwell, then the four girls stayed over at Hilton's house. Jill had a blast bowling in her dress, and she felt like it was one of those nights she would look back on and see a slow-motion blur of laughing happy faces and twirling girls in fancy dresses, like something out of a movie.

By the time the girls got to Hilton's, Hilton had kissed Kevin goodnight, Dirk and Hillary were officially a couple, Lorylyn was even more head-over-heels in love with Brady, and Jill thought she might actually be a little interested in dating Tyler. It had been a good night, and they were all giggling and happy and talking at once. Romance was in the air, blowing all around them, and Jill hoped she'd be able to reach up and catch a piece.

### chapter 4) kisses

By Monday, however, some of the magic had faded, at least for Hilton and Jill.

"He wasn't that good of a kisser," Hilton said, wrinkling her nose as they stood at her locker before school.

"Not as good as Landon?" Lorylyn asked, giggling.

"Hellll no."

Hillary sighed dreamily and looked up at the ceiling as she hugged her books. "Dirk is _such_ a good kisser."

Jill giggled, but she half wanted to gag. You're just jealous, she told herself. You know you kinda wanted to kiss Tyler. And she had to admit, even now, that she had wanted to kiss him. But she wasn't sure if it was because she actually liked him, or if she just wanted to kiss someone. She felt like all her friends were getting way ahead of her in that department.

"Brady hasn't kissed me yet," Lorylyn said wistfully. "But we're going out again!" She grinned ecstatically. "This weekend."

"Yay!" Hillary said, lifting one arm from her books and putting it around Lorylyn's shoulders. "Maybe we'll all get boyfriends! What about Tyler, Jill?"

"I don't know..." Jill offered a small, telling smile. "Maybe."

But after about five minutes of talking to Todd before SRT, the "maybe" turned into a "no way." How could she possibly want to date Bennett when she knew someone like Todd? It was like the dance had never happened. The next day in English she and Todd joked around and teased each other while Bennett sat across the aisle, talking occasionally to Todd but not really to Jill, just as he had all year. She felt like she didn't even know him. Whatever connection or chemistry she may have felt between them the other night...it was gone. She cringed at the thought of having wanted to kiss him and felt a little stupid for getting so caught up in the excitement of the dance. She hoped he hadn't been able to tell she wanted a kiss.

***

On Saturday night Brady took Lorylyn to Logan, forty-five minutes away from Brinkley. Lorylyn was thrilled. She felt so cool...this was where all the juniors and seniors came on dates. It was so awesome that Brady could drive! They had dinner at Texas Roadhouse, and then they played miniature golf. Lorylyn had a blast and was giggling the whole time. Brady was so easy to talk to, and he was more charismatic than any guy Lorylyn had ever met. He was by far the most grown-up too. He was almost two whole years older than her, even though he was only one grade ahead of her. He'd told her his birthday was on June 22, ten days after hers. But while she was young for her grade, he was old for his She couldn't imagine ever being interested in a guy her own age now; they all seemed so young and annoying. Brady was just...indescribable. Everything she'd ever wanted. She felt like she was living a fairy tale.

When they got back to Brinkley, Brady stopped the car a few houses down from Lorylyn's. Her stomach did a flip. He's probably gonna kiss me! she thought. She was more excited than she could ever remember being, but also more nervous. She had never even kissed a guy before. What if she sucked?!

"I had such a good time tonight," Brady said, and she could tell he was grinning at her, even though it was dark and she couldn't really see his face. "I always have fun with you. You're just a fun girl." He reached over and tickled her, and she squealed and twisted away, giggling. "So...thanks for going out with me tonight. Do you wanna do something maybe some night this week? Like come over to my house or something?"

"Sure!" Lorylyn agreed, psyched. She couldn't believe he'd invited her to his house!

"Awesome." Then all of a sudden he leaned over and kissed her. It only lasted a split second, and she blinked in surprise; she'd expected it to be longer. When she opened her eyes, Brady's face was still only inches from hers and his eyes were questioning, as though asking for permission to do it again.

Lorylyn smiled at him, and he brought his lips back to hers. She didn't really know what to do, so she let him lead. It sort of felt like he was massaging her lips with his. Then he slowly eased his tongue inside her mouth. She had read about this in books; weren't you supposed to just kind of pretend your tongue was wrestling with his? She paid attention to the way he moved his tongue, then tried to imitate his motions with her own. He tasted like Texas Roadhouse, but it tasted wonderful. And he smelled so good too....She could smell his cologne, and the husky, masculine scent was intoxicating. She wanted to kiss him forever. She thought this was the happiest she'd ever been in her life.

Finally Brady pulled back and touched her cheek gently, letting his fingers trail down it and slip off. They grinned at each other in the dark car. Then Brady pulled back and started the car again. Lorylyn was practically floating as he drove down to her house and pulled into her driveway.

"Night," she said when he stopped the car, not really sure what else to say.

"Night, hottie," Brady replied, a smile in his voice.

Lorylyn grinned happily and shut the car door. She had to make an effort to walk normally up the steps to the door; all she wanted to do was break into a joyous dance. This was definitely the best night of her life.

***

Hillary and Dirk were together, but Hillary wasn't allowed to actually "date" until she was a sophomore, and it didn't matter anyway because Dirk couldn't drive yet. So they all hung out in a large group that usually included Todd and his friend Doug from SRT.

Jill and Todd were becoming known to everyone as "really good friends." They often sat a little apart from the rest of the group, laughing and talking quietly together. Their talks were never about anything serious, and Jill really didn't know that much about Todd at all, but she felt a bond between them that thrilled her. She was just along for the ride, hoping it would lead somewhere exciting...and romantic.

Sometimes Lorylyn and Brady came, but Lorylyn was allowed to date, and she and Brady were officially a couple now. Since Brady was sixteen, he could drive and they liked to go to Logan, which was a much bigger town than Brinkley or Caldwell.

On the group outings everyone went bowling or to the movies, and sometimes they went to Bennett's because even though he didn't live on a lake, he had a huge backyard that was great for making bonfires.

Jill was a little jealous of Hillary and Lorylyn, who were both in their own little worlds with their new boyfriends, but she didn't feel too left out since there were so many single people in the group too. They didn't hang out much with most of the sophomores anymore, and Jill wondered if it was because of the Lorylyn and Brady and Brooke situation. Jill knew Hilton still hung out with Lindy and Brooke sometimes, and Cassidy and Sam spent most of their time with Kat or the sophomores now. Sam didn't even seem to mind that Jill and Hillary didn't ever invite her to do anything anymore, because she and Cassidy were glued at the hip. Jill felt like the odd one out at her lunch table on gold days now, because the other four girls – Brooke, Ashley, Cassidy, and Hilton – would talk about what they had done the previous weekend. And even though Brooke was perfectly nice to her, Jill felt out of the loop. She kind of wanted to hang out with them some weekend, and she wished the huge group she had been part of this summer at Landon's parties hadn't split in two.

But Landon was having a Halloween party, so that was definitely something to look forward to. Even more than hanging out with everyone, Jill was dying to play spin the bottle, because she knew Todd was going to be there...

### chapter 5) landon's... halloween

Jill, Hillary, and Lorylyn were supposed to be Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica from _Friends_ for Halloween. _Friends_ had been their favorite show all through junior high, and they had been waiting for an occasion to dress up as the female characters. They hadn't had one in junior high because there was never any kind of Halloween party. They had their outfits all planned out and everything. Jill was Rachel, and she was going to wear a waitress outfit with a tight shirt, a short black skirt, and a little apron.

When Hillary announced the Tuesday night before the party that she and Dirk had decided to go to Landon's as a Catholic school girl and a dirty old man, Jill was furious.

"What?!" she shrieked. "We're supposed to be Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe!"

"Oh, yeah..." Hillary said, as if it had slipped her mind. "I'm so sorry, Jill, I forgot, and I already went out and bought a plaid skirt to wear..."

"How could you forget?!" Jill cried in exasperation. "We planned it for three years! Oh well, whatever." She stormed out of the school, where she and Hillary had been waiting for rides home from practice, and stood against the wall outside, fuming. Hadn't they all promised to stick together this year?

She called Lorylyn as soon as she got home.

"Really?" Lorylyn said. "That sucks, I had my outfit planned out. That would've been so fun. But Sam wanted me and her to be hula dancers. So now we can do that. You should be one too!"

Jill rolled her eyes at her carpet. A hula dancer, woohoo. "Thanks, maybe I will," she said glumly to Lorylyn.

The next day in English she asked Todd what he was going as.

"I don't know, maybe a baseball player or something."

"Wow, that's original," Jill teased sarcastically. "That wouldn't even be dressing up as something! You already are a baseball player!" She laughed.

"Well, like a pro baseball player or something. I have some jerseys I could wear. What are you gonna be?"

"Well, I was supposed to be Rachel from _Friends_ , and Lorylyn was Monica and Hillary was Phoebe, but Hillary ditched us." Jill's eyes hardened. "And I had a cute outfit too. A waitress outfit."

" _Real_ -ly," Todd said, raising his eyebrows at her. "Too bad I won't get to see that."

Jill giggled and punched him lightly on the shoulder, secretly thrilled. "So I don't know what I'm being now."

"You should still be Rachel."

"I can't do it by myself! That'd be dumb. It has to be all three of us."

"Hey, can I be Ross?" Todd asked suddenly.

Jill leaned back in surprise. "What?"

"Yeah, I wanna be Ross," he said decidedly. "Then you can wear your cute little waitress outfit, and it won't be just you by yourself."

"Um...okay," Jill said, completely stunned. "That'd be awesome!" She grinned and clapped her hands. "Yay, Todd, I'm so excited now! Thank you!"

***

Even though she knew Todd had just offered to do it because he was her friend and he didn't have a good costume idea, Jill couldn't wait to show up at the party with him wearing costumes that went together. It would look like they were a couple, just like Hillary and Dirk. It was all she could think about on the car ride to Landon's with Bennett, Todd, and Bennett's mom. Todd had offered to let her come with them because he thought they should probably show up together so people would understand their costumes. Plus, he hadn't really known how to dress as Ross, so Jill had gone over to Bennett's early to help him. She had brought a white T-shirt, size youth large, and she had written FRANKIE SAY RELAX on it in big block letters and colored them in with a black marker. She was basing it off a shirt Ross and Rachel had argued over after their breakup on the show last season. It was way too small on Todd, as it had been on Ross, and Jill made him wear khaki pants with it to further imitate Ross's look. She was thrilled with the results. Todd looked so sexy she just wanted to be touching him all the time.

As they climbed out of the car and walked around to the back of the house, Jill felt enormously proud to be with Todd, and she hoped everyone noticed them. Tonight, just like she sometimes did on their group outings when she and Todd sat together and talked, she could almost pretend they were a couple. And tonight, she would get to do it the whole night.

***

This was the biggest party Jill had been to at Landon's. It wasn't just the cheerleading and football crowd; it seemed to Jill that half the school's 2000 students must be here. There were even some juniors and seniors.

Jill had basically followed Todd and Bennett around ever since they'd gotten here, partly because she wanted to be around Todd and felt like she had a good excuse because of their costumes, and partly because all her girlfriends were hanging out with their boyfriends, or other boys. Hilton, dressed as a model in four-inch stilettos and a short navy blue dress with an even lower V-neck than the dress she'd worn to the Homecoming dance, was spending most of her time with Cassidy, Landon, Matt, and Kevin.

"I love your dress!" Jill told her, unable to take her eyes off it. Hilton really looked like a model, and Jill wondered where she had gotten such an awesome, sexy dress. Her own mom would _never_ let her buy anything like that.

As if Hilton could read Jill's thoughts, she leaned in and whispered, "I went to Chicago with my aunt a couple weeks ago. I loved this dress and she let me buy it, and I had no place else to wear it, so I had to make good use of it somehow!" She grinned. "Oh, by the way...you guys are unbelievably cute." She glanced at Todd and then back at Jill, and she and Jill shared a smile that told Jill Hilton knew exactly how much she was loving this.

"Ahhh!" Lorylyn squealed when she saw Jill, putting her hand over her O-shaped mouth. "You guys are sooo cute! I love it!"

Jill couldn't help but giggle a little too, but since Todd was standing right there, she tried to act as though she thought Lorylyn was overreacting. "Thanks," she said uncertainly, and then offered Todd a small smile. As they walked away, though, she turned back to Lorylyn and mouthed, "I know!"

Lorylyn winked and gave her a thumbs-up.

***

Finally Jill had to leave Todd's side so she could go inside to use the bathroom. She worked her way through a throng of people in the living room, most of whom she couldn't recognize because all the lights were off and their costumes disguised them anyway. The hallway was dark too, but the bathroom light was on and the door was ajar. Figuring the bathroom must be vacant, Jill pushed inward on the door. When she saw a figure inside, she immediately let out a small shriek and covered her eyes, hoping whoever was in there didn't get pissed. "Sorry!" she cried.

She heard giggles. "It's us, Jill," Hilton said.

Jill took her hands away from her eyes and looked into the bathroom. Hilton and Brooke were standing by one of the sinks, huddled over a plastic keg cup. Hilton had a silly grin on her face, and Brooke flashed Jill an enticing look. "Come join us!" she said.

"What are you guys doing?" Jill asked.

"We're gonna try to drink beer through our noses," Hilton giggled. "We heard if you do it, it comes out your ears."

"What? Are you serious?" Jill laughed as she stepped into the bathroom. She could tell by their smiles and the way they were talking that Hilton and Brooke were both tipsy.

"Ssshh, shut the door," Hilton whispered loudly, putting a finger to her lips.

Jill giggled and obeyed her.

"Okay, we're ready now," Hilton said in the same exaggerated whisper. "Who's going first?"

"I'll go," Brooke said. She leaned down over the straw sticking out of the cup and put her nose right on the tip. She inhaled vigorously through her nose, then immediately jumped back, scrunching up her face and waving her hands in the air as she coughed loudly. "Oh, shit!" she giggled when she finally stopped coughing. "That was so funny! But don't do it that fast! It was way too much!" She wiped the knuckle of her index finger under her nose and sniffled.

"I'm next!" Hilton said. She positioned herself exactly as Brooke had and gripped the counter with both hands. She didn't inhale as loudly as Brooke, but Jill saw beer fly up the straw, and a second later Hilton was jumping up and down, squealing. "Eww! Eww! It's in my nose!"

"It's supposed to be in your nose!" Brooke and Jill cried together. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"No, but I wasn't ready," Hilton cried, wiping at her nose. "I was just trying to take a deep breath first, and I didn't think it would come up yet!"

"You _inhaled_!" Jill exclaimed through her laughter. "How could it not come up the straw?"

Brooke was bent over at the waist and holding onto the counter, laughing hysterically.

"Okay, Jill, it's your turn!" Hilton said a moment later when she recovered.

Jill approached the cup, but as she was about to put her nose down, she pictured Hilton jumping away from the cup as if it had stung her, and she doubled over in laughter.

"Come on!" Brooke encouraged.

"Okay, okay, I'm going," Jill said as she finally dragged herself up to the counter. She put her right nostril over the straw and inhaled gently, hoping she wouldn't get as much as Brooke and Hilton had.

The beer exploded into her nose, cold and stinging. "Ew! Ew! Ew!" Jill cried, bouncing on her toes and pinching her nose with both hands. "Ew! It's cold! It kinda hurt!"

All three girls collapsed on the floor in giggles, still wiping their noses with their fingers.

"It so didn't come out our ears!" Hilton said.

"Okay, I'm doing it again!" Brooke said after a minute. "I swear, my cousin did it! It came out her ears!"

Jill and Hilton pulled themselves to their feet after Brooke and stood on either side of her as she bent down to put her nose above the straw again.

Just then the bathroom door swung open and Jill jumped in surprise. Landon stood there staring at them, a bewildered smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

"What the _hell_ is going on in here?" he asked in an amused voice.

"We're snorting crack," Brooke said very matter-of-factly. She stood up straight, faced Landon with a serious expression, and wiped underneath her nose with her knuckle again. Then she sniffed as if making sure the crack got all the way up her nose.

A small giggle escaped Hilton's throat, then she looked at Landon and repeated Brooke's gesture.

As Landon turned to Jill, she did the same thing, but she couldn't hide her grin.

"Wow," Landon said. "Can I get in on this?"

"No," Brooke replied in the same serious tone. Her gaze didn't falter.

"Okay, then. That's cool, I guess. Well, I'll leave you guys to it, then." Landon flashed a grin as he left and pulled the door shut behind him.

Brooke, Hilton, and Jill looked at each other in silence for a moment, then all three of them fell to the floor again, shaking, rolling, and kicking in fits of endless laughter.

***

Later, when Brooke saw Landon alone, she sidled up to him. "Hey, are we playing spin the bottle?" she asked, smiling at him flirtatiously.

"I don't know, I doubt it, crackhead. There's probably too many people."

Brooke put her hand on his chest and leaned into him. "Oh, come on, we have to play! Hey, I know! We could do it by grades or something. Like have each grade make a different circle."

Landon shrugged. "All right, that's cool."

Brooke stood on the stone wall in her French maid outfit and blew a whistle she'd taken from somebody's referee costume.

People started turning to look at her. Brooke met Jill's eye and briefly touched her knuckle to her nostril. Jill giggled, and Brooke flashed her a secretive smile before turning back to the crowd.

"We're playing spin the bottle!" she yelled. "It's by grade! So, freshmen up by the house, sophomores right by the wall, over here by me..."

As Brooke went on, Jill quickly found Lorylyn in the crowd. She didn't seem bothered. She and Brady kissed quickly on the lips and then walked off to their separate circles.

A few people who were down on the dock stayed there, and some people went in the house, but spin the bottle got quite a large turnout.

As Jill joined the freshman circle, she noticed all the boys were sitting on one side. She didn't want Todd to get sick of her following him around, so she left him and went to sit on the other side with her girlfriends.

"Don't you see what she's trying to do? She wants to make out with Brady without you around!" Hillary hissed to Lorylyn as they sat down.

Lorylyn looked over at Hillary, surprised. "Who, Brooke? Why would she do that?"

"She likes him! What the hell do you think she was trying to do Homecoming week at the pep session, or at Lindy's house?"

Jill scrunched up her face uncomfortably, afraid Hillary would blurt out that Brooke and Brady had made out here that one time. She and Hillary had agreed it would be best not to tell Lorylyn, but now Jill was afraid Hillary would say it without thinking and Lorylyn would be pissed at both of them for not telling her sooner. Jill wished she never would've told Hillary about that.

Lorylyn shrugged. "Well, yeah, I kinda wondered then, but she hasn't done anything since. You don't really think it's a big deal, do you?"

"Well, you should watch out for her," Hillary warned. "She likes him, and I bet she can be a bitch when she wants to."

Lorylyn looked a little troubled.

Jill said nothing and concentrated on the center of the circle, breathing a silent sigh of relief that Hillary hadn't mentioned the making out. She was feeling more positively toward Brooke now, after their escapade in the bathroom.

They played for about half an hour, and nothing really exciting happened. All Jill could think about was kissing Todd. She desperately wanted it to happen, yet at the same time she was petrified, because what if he didn't want to or he thought she was a bad kisser? Her stomach was practically churning. Then all of a sudden she felt Hillary elbow her in the side.

"Jill! It landed on you!"

Jill blinked and looked up to see who had spun. She smiled in relief when she saw Bennett standing up on the other side of the circle. At least he was kind of hot and not someone gross. And she wasn't worried about him thinking she was a bad kisser, because she didn't care about impressing him.

Oh no! she realized suddenly. He could think I'm bad and then tell Todd! Her heart pounded a little as she stood up to meet him. Should she try extra hard to kiss really well? But then he might think she was really into it...

Bennett walked up to her and stepped in close, putting his arm around her waist and lightly touching her back. He smelled good, like he was wearing cologne. Husky, was how Jill would've described the scent. It gave her little butterflies in her stomach. She looked up and closed her eyes as he leaned in.

It was a soft, sort of awkward kiss. As his lips lingered on hers, Jill could suddenly tell he wanted it to last longer. Oh my gosh, he likes me, she thought, stunned. What is with this kid?! Not even talking to me since Homecoming...

"Hey, Jill," Bennett said as he pulled his face back from hers. "Um, would you go out with me?"

_What?!_ Jill screamed in her head, rapidly pulling back to stare at him. He looked like a hopeful little puppy. Jill wanted to cry. She was trapped. How could she say no? With everyone watching? What the hell was going on...she hadn't seen this coming at all. She vaguely heard Hillary and other people in the circle hooting and hollering.

"Hell yeah, man!" somebody yelled. Jill glanced toward the voice and froze, staring. It had been Todd. He was grinning and clapping. Something inside her died.

She ripped her gaze away from Todd and turned back to Bennett. "Yeah," she said in an empty voice. "I'll go out with you."

As everyone cheered, Bennett pulled her close again and gave her another short, awkward kiss, and all Jill could think was that she wanted to rip off her Rachel costume and throw it in the lake. Irony was cruel.

***

Down by the stone wall, in the sophomore circle, Brooke's spin had just landed on Brady. She smiled smugly at the ground as she pushed herself up, then glanced over toward the freshman circle to see if Lorylyn was watching. Brooke hoped she was. But Lorylyn's back was to her. Damn, Brooke thought. Oh well, this would still be fun. She smiled flirtatiously at Brady and curtsied to him, purposely pulling her already short skirt up even higher. She grinned in satisfaction as she saw his eyes shoot down to her legs then slide up the rest of her body.

"Hey, Brady," she whispered sexily, winking at him and flashing a huge grin.

"Hey, Brookie."

She was even more pleased that he'd used his nickname for her. She felt a sense of intimacy between them whenever he used it, and she loved how sexy he sounded when he said it. She stepped up to him, shooting one more glance toward Lorylyn, who still wasn't looking. Brooke touched Brady's chest and slowly leaned in, letting her hand trail down to his stomach as they kissed. She felt him inhale sharply as her hand neared his belt, and she stopped and pulled away, leaving only her fingertips touching him.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she whispered.

Brady was staring at her. Confusion flashed into his dark eyes; she could see it in the shadows of the house lights in the background. "Okay, I guess." He stood with his hands in his pockets as he had the whole time. Brooke grabbed his arm and led him around the stone wall, down toward the lake.

"Woooo!" someone shouted after them. "Where are you two going?"

"Oh, shut up," Brooke replied. "We have to plan something for later. A drinking game."

They walked all the way down the hill until they were only inches from the water, and then Brooke turned and faced him. She saw a couple people were watching them over the stone wall, but she knew they couldn't hear from that far away. "What the hell's going on?" she demanded.

Brady shrugged and looked at his feet, his hands still in his pockets. "What do you mean?"

"What do I _mean_?" Brooke exploded, then lowered her voice. "I mean Lorylyn! I thought there was something going on between us! And then just out of nowhere you asked her to the dance and now she's your girlfriend?!"

Brady shrugged again. "Well, I've liked her for a while, and I had to make a choice of who to ask to the dance." His tone was calm and indifferent.

"You liked her?! You chose her over me?! How could you do that, Brady? We had sex like, a month ago!" Brooke crossed her arms tightly over her chest because she felt less vulnerable that way. She wanted to get an explanation, but he had hurt her and she didn't want him to know how much.

"Yeah, well." Brady crossed his arms too and looked out over the lake.

"Yeah, well, what?" Brooke hissed. She wanted to scream. "I don't understand! I thought you liked me! I thought there was something going on with us! How could you do this to me?!"

Brady sounded like he was starting to get annoyed. "Look, Brooke, I told you, I liked you both and I had to make a choice."

"But..." Brooke sputtered, throwing her arms up in the air.

Brady was silent.

"Don't just stand there! I deserve some kind of explanation! We had sex!" She would never tell him it had been her first time; she hoped he didn't know.

"Okay, fine, Brooke, do you want an explanation? You were just for fun, okay? I wouldn't wanna date you 'cause you were way too easy. I mean it was fun hooking up and all, but I wanted someone more like Lorylyn for a girlfriend."

Brooke stood speechless, mouth agape, staring at him. There were a thousand miles between them, when only two minutes before she had felt unbreakable intimacy. His words had been like a cold, sharp slap in the face. And now he just stood there, looking annoyed with her, but basically indifferent to the whole situation.

When she finally got enough breath, she spoke in a quiet, cold voice. "You asshole. You fucking asshole." Then she walked off quickly, arms crossed, trying to control herself from breaking into a run and drawing everyone's attention.

### chapter 6) the boob-touching incident

For Thanksgiving break, Jill's family always went to stay with her grandparents in Schaumburg, Illinois, just outside Chicago. Jill loved it there because the mall was a lot better than Brinkley's mall. Hillary had gone with them ever since Jill could remember, but this year she backed out a couple weeks before.

"Dirk invited me to eat with his family, and I really, really want to. I would feel so bad turning him down," she said in explanation. Jill was upset and angry, because not only was Hillary backing out on Thanksgiving, but also on Jill's birthday, which was the Saturday of Thanksgiving break. Jill thought of the pact, and felt that Hillary really wasn't holding up to it. First Halloween, now this. But what could she do, force Hillary to go?

So she invited Hilton instead. Her parents were glad to have Hilton coming along, because they had both really liked her the few times they had met her. Winnie was even more excited. She was completely enraptured with Hilton and looked up to her even more than she did Hillary. Every time Winnie said something, she would glance Hilton's way to see if Hilton approved or thought it was funny, and Hilton was great with her, always paying her lots of attention and flattering her.

"Winnie, I love your hair ribbons!" Hilton complimented her as soon as they got in the minivan to leave Jill's house on Wednesday after school. "You look so pretty!"

Winnie touched her hair ribbons shyly and smiled at Hilton. "Can I do your hair on the way?"

"Oh, Winnie, you don't need to do Hilton's hair. It already looks very pretty," Jill's mom said from the front seat, turning around to give Hilton an apologetic look.

Hilton laughed. "No, it's okay, I'd love for you to do my hair, Winnie!"

Winnie beamed.

After Hilton's hair was in a messy side ponytail with long pieces hanging out everywhere, Jill, Winnie, and Hilton played games for a couple hours. They always kept a deck of cards in the van, so Jill dug them out and they played go fish and war on the back seat.

"Shut up!" Aaron, Jill's fourth-grade brother, snapped from one of the middle seats when Winnie kept squealing and giggling during war. "Mom, tell them to shut up! I'm trying to listen to my CD player!" He pushed his already reclined seat back even farther, hitting Winnie's knee.

"Mom!" Winnie wailed. "Aaron hit me! On purpose!"

"Hey, you guys, calm down," Mrs. Sherer said, giving Winnie and Aaron a disapproving look from the front seat. "Winnie, how about you try to take a nap after this game?"

"Okay," Winnie said reluctantly. Jill knew Winnie wanted to keep playing games with her and Hilton, but personally she was relieved. This might be okay for Hilton, but Jill put up with it all the time, and it was getting annoying. She wanted some time to listen to her own CD player.

***

"Sorry about Winnie, if she was annoying you," Jill said to Hilton later, as they unpacked in their room at Jill's grandparents' house. It was an old house, and the room had an archaic sort of feel to it, Jill had always thought, with its antique dresser and lace curtains and rotary phone on the bedside table.

"Oh, no, it's fine!" Hilton said, laughing. "I don't have any brothers or sisters, so I like being around little kids." She grabbed a handful of underwear and bras from her bag and stuffed them in the top drawer, then kicked her bag under the dresser and flopped on her stomach on the double bed. She put her chin in her hands and faced Jill, who was sitting back against a pillow. "So, are things with Tyler any better?"

Jill rolled her eyes. "No," she moaned. She had somehow thought relationships in high school would be different, and she could tell Hillary and Dirk's was, as was Lorylyn and Brady's. They were just more grown-up somehow, more like adult relationships. Lorylyn and Brady went on real dates, and even though Hillary wasn't allowed to date, she and Dirk went to each other's houses, even on school nights sometimes. But Jill's own relationship was exactly like ones she'd had in junior high. Tyler still half ignored her in English; they always sat beside each other, but Todd still talked to her more. She sat beside Tyler at lunch on green days too, but they didn't have the easy back-and-forth that Lindy and Andy or Lorylyn and Brady demonstrated. Jill always felt out of place and uncomfortable. She sometimes even tried to avoid him between classes so she could talk to her girlfriends instead. And the only difference on weekends was when they went out in their group, she sat by Bennett wherever they went. The occasions where she and Todd sat off by themselves and talked were less frequent, although they still happened sporadically. The times with Todd were the times she enjoyed the most, and she was much more herself around him than around Tyler. The most fun group outing since she'd been dating Tyler had been over fall break, the week after Halloween. They'd had a half day of school on Wednesday, and after school she, Hillary, Lorylyn, Hilton, Dirk, Brady, Todd, and Tyler had all gone to Pizza Hut for lunch, and she'd sat between Todd and Tyler. That day she'd probably talked to them both equally, but she'd been much more conscious of Todd next to her than of Tyler on her other side. She did like Tyler a little; she still found him attractive, but whenever he kissed her she didn't feel any desire to actually make out or kiss for very long, and her heart just wasn't in the relationship at all. If you could really even call it a relationship, she thought sarcastically.

"Maybe you should just break up with him," Hilton said now. "I mean, he's not even the one you like." She caught Jill's eye and flashed a devilish grin.

Jill gave a small smile back, then giggled. "Shut up!" Then she became serious again. "Do you really think I should break up with him?"

Hilton gave a small shrug, her chin still in her hands. "I would. You should go for Todd."

"I don't see you going for Landon," Jill teased.

"Yeah...man!" Hilton sighed, flipping onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. "I wish I saw him more. He's just so hot!"

The girls both giggled.

***

Jill was extremely glad Hilton had come this weekend, because if she'd been alone, she knew she would've spent the whole time focusing on how mad she was at Hillary and how upset she was about Tyler. But having Hilton to talk to when the rest of her family was asleep or doing their own thing helped keep her mind off her problems. She had been wanting to confess to her mom how she felt about Tyler, but she somehow felt embarrassed. She talked about Todd nonstop at home though, and she knew her mom suspected she liked Todd better. But Jill knew her mom probably wouldn't bring it up unless Jill did first.

On Thursday they had Thanksgiving dinner at her grandparents', then on Friday Jill and Hilton went shopping at the Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg. On Saturday, Jill's birthday, the whole family, including her grandparents, went into Chicago to shop on Michigan Avenue and enjoy the city. Jill got to pick out her presents while they were shopping, and she also got to choose where to have dinner. She picked Hard Rock Cafe. Jill loved Chicago, and the weekend flew by rapidly. It was a good birthday, and she was glad Hilton had been here for it, even though it was the first time since elementary school she hadn't celebrated Thanksgiving or her birthday with Hillary.

Sunday afternoon when they got home, Jill told Hilton she'd decided to give Tyler another chance and see if things got any better. She told herself determinedly that she was going to put some effort into this relationship and try to make it less of a junior high relationship and more of a high school one.

***

The second weekend in December, Lorylyn was at Brady's house watching a movie. They were lying on the couch in his basement with the lights off, and Brady was behind her with his arm draped over her side. Lorylyn had thrills and weird tingly feelings running through her whole body; she always did when they cuddled. She was barely concentrating on the movie.

Finally it ended, and rather than getting up to turn it off, Brady leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Lorylyn smiled up at him and turned onto her back so that he was leaning over her. As he kissed her, his hand played with the bottom of her shirt, and when his fingers grazed the skin between her shirt and jeans, she felt an electric charge where he touched her. Her whole body jolted a little and she reached up to pull his head down closer to hers.

As they continued kissing, Brady's hand moved over her stomach and her light cotton shirt, and she shivered in anticipation. Yet at the same time she was scared. He'd never tried to do more than kiss her; what was she going to do if he tried to go up her shirt or something?! She knew she wasn't ready to go that far, but they hadn't talked about it at all.

Brady's hand moved up and his thumb traced the underwire of her bra through her shirt. Lorylyn inhaled nervously but kept kissing him. This was okay, she decided...they weren't going too far yet. Her body relaxed in relief as his hand moved back down to her stomach. He probably wasn't going to try anything after all. She poured her energy into kissing him.

Then, in one swift motion, his hand ran back up her stomach and cupped her breast. Lorylyn gasped and pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes.

"What, don't you wanna do that?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. I just don't wanna go that far yet."

"Okay, sorry. I was just caught up in the moment, I guess." Brady laughed and smiled that charming smile and reached up to push the curl out of his eye.

"It's okay," Lorylyn said hurriedly, glad he didn't seem upset.

"I'll try to control myself," Brady whispered sexily, then brought his lips back to hers. He kept his hands to himself for the rest of their make-out session, and although Lorylyn was relieved, she missed the exhilarating sensation of his hand on her bare skin.

***

Wednesday of the last week before Christmas break was Jill and Lorylyn's first gymnastics meet. They'd started practice shortly after the end of the football cheerleading season in early November, and they loved it. They didn't have as many close friends in gymnastics as they did in cheerleading, but Lindy was on the team, and so was Amy, one of the other sophomore cheerleaders. Lindy was really good, better than Jill had realized, and she hung out mostly with the junior and senior girls or Amy. Jill and Lorylyn always spent as much of practice together as they could, and Jill enjoyed hearing all about Lorylyn's latest Brady stories, even though it bummed her out that her relationship with Tyler was still nothing like what Lorylyn had with Brady. Lorylyn's current dilemma was that Brady had tried to touch her boob while they were making out and she'd told him no, and now she was kind of freaked out about how far she should go with him. The boob-touching incident had just happened the previous weekend, and Lorylyn and Brady hadn't actually discussed it – or Lorylyn's boundaries – yet.

Jill had been so nervous about the meet all day it was all she could think about in class, even during her world history final that morning. She tried reminding herself it was no big deal because she'd been competing on a club team since fifth grade, but she knew why this was different. Now, as she waited in line to do her last warm-up vault and anxiously pulled at her fingers, she glanced over toward the entrance to the gym, and her stomach did little flips. There he was.

Todd walked in casually, with Dirk at his side. They paused for a second, looking up at the bleachers, then climbed halfway up and sat down. Todd looked over at the girls waiting in line by the vault runway. He saw Jill looking at him and smiled, giving her a thumbs-up.

Jill smiled back weakly and quickly turned away. She was so excited to have him here so she could show off and hopefully impress him, but it also made it so much more nerve-wracking, because she wanted him to think she was good. Hopefully he thought she looked hot. All the girls were wearing matching sleeveless dark green velvet warm-up leotards with knee-high tie-dyed green and gold baseball socks, because it was a team tradition to warm up in socks. Jill and Lorylyn had matching green and white plaid flannel boxers on, rolled down at the waist, and Jill thought they looked really cute....It was her turn to vault.

Jill took a deep breath, wrung her hands out by her sides, pushed herself onto her tiptoes, and broke into a sprint. Please, God, don't let me fall on my face, was all she could think as she bolted down the runway. Her stockinged feet hit the springboard and she twisted and felt her hands touch the horse, but it felt unreal, like it was very far away, then she twisted again and landed on her feet. The landing was a shock to her feet and knees. She blinked, then looked at her coach.

"That was great, Jill! Just like that in the meet!" Coach Tanner was saying, then she was moving away to watch Lorylyn's vault.

Jill shook her head quickly. That was probably the most unfocused vault she'd ever done, and she was a little freaked out by it. You could've gotten hurt! she scolded herself. You have got to stop worrying about Todd so much and focus on the meet! She waited for Lorylyn, then grabbed the sweatshirt she'd worn earlier and headed to the locker room to change for the meet.

***

When they came back down and lined up outside the gym to walk in, Jill wondered if Tyler was here yet. Their relationship had progressed a little in the three weeks since Thanksgiving; they had each been to the other's house once now, and Jill had actually made out with him for a full five minutes or so. It was okay, but not what she had hoped it would be. She wasn't sure how much longer she could give it before she broke up with him. But then she was afraid it would be awkward in English, and if Tyler didn't want to sit by her anymore, Todd wouldn't either.

The march-in music started playing, and Jill watched as Logan North's team filed in. As soon as they were all in the gym, Lorylyn, the shortest BC team member, led BC's line in behind them. Jill glanced quickly at the bleachers and saw that Hillary, Hilton, Brady, and Tyler were all sitting with Dirk and Todd now. And...oh no...there was Brooke. Sitting right by Brady. Why was she here?

To watch Lindy, Jill realized. _And_ to hit on Brady, probably. Well, maybe not. Lorylyn still didn't seem bothered by Brooke. As Jill walked by, Brooke grinned and raised her knuckle to her nose in a brief wiping motion. Jill grinned back genuinely.

Jill could feel eyes from the crowd on her as she walked, and she enjoyed it. She just hoped Todd was looking at her. When her name was announced and it was her turn to step out of line and salute, she stepped forward and raised both hands above her head, grinning at her family, then letting her gaze scan her friends quickly. They were all clapping for her. She smiled again. She wasn't that nervous anymore. The regular competition adrenaline was kicking in.

***

Vault and bars both went well. Jill scored a 7.7 on vault and a 6.6 on bars, which Lindy and all the older girls told her was awesome for her first meet. Beam was next, and that's what she felt most nervous about, because the beam was set up right in front of the bleachers.

"Are you doing back handsprings on beam tonight?" Lorylyn asked her as the team gathered together on the floor to watch each other's routines.

Jill shook her head. "No, I don't have them good enough yet. And I just wanna do something kinda easy the first meet, you know?" She made an anxious face at Lorylyn. "Are you nervous?"

"Are you kidding me?! I've been nervous all night! Brady's here!"

Jill giggled. "Good, I'm glad I'm not the only one having that problem!"

Lorylyn gave her a knowing grin, aware it wasn't Tyler who made Jill nervous.

Jill only fell twice on beam, once on her full turn and once on a front walkover. After she dismounted and saluted the judges, she turned toward the team and grinned in relief. Coach Tanner ran up and hugged her, and all the girls followed.

"Good job, Jill!" they congratulated her, and she couldn't stop smiling. Not perfect, but she would take it! She glanced over the girls' heads at her friends. Hilton gave her a thumbs-up, and Jill smiled excitedly. And now only floor was left, her favorite event.

She nailed her floor routine. Her music was "Build Me Up Buttercup," so her routine was upbeat and bouncy, and she loved performing. She flew across the floor, pouring all her energy into every jump and tumbling pass, and ran off at the end with a huge grin.

"Wooooo, Jilly!" she heard Todd yell, and she looked over to see him standing up next to Hilton, clapping his hands over his head.

Tyler remained seated, but he clapped, and Jill could tell even from far away that he was impressed.

You could at least stand up to cheer for your freaking girlfriend! she thought, but she was laughing as she thought it, and she didn't even care. All that mattered was her routine had been awesome, and Todd was standing up and yelling for her.

### chapter 7) a junior high end to a junior high relationship

Jill was more than ready for Christmas break when it came. She felt like she hadn't had a chance to sit down and really even watch TV or read a good book in so long. She'd gone right from cheerleading practice to gymnastics conditioning three days a week, then when practice started she had that till six every evening and from eight to eleven every Saturday, and 10:30 church on Sundays. So much for ever sleeping in! And after practice every night she had to come home and do her homework. She _hated_ biology; despite Mr. Moore being funny and cool, her lab group totally sucked; she always did the whole lab write-up herself to guarantee a good grade, and biology tests were the hardest tests she'd ever taken. She got a C+ on her first one and was so upset she almost cried. She'd always been a straight-A student, and she hated this new feeling of failure. For the second test she studied till two in the morning, something she'd never had to do before, and managed to pull off an A-. Hopefully the lab grades would be good enough to give her an A average in the class for the semester. English was good because of Todd of course, but there was _so_ much reading since it was an advanced class. Grayson was still weird as ever, and it was kind of annoying because he was pretty disorganized. Sometimes they would read stories for homework and then never discuss them in class, but sometimes there would be pop quizzes, so Jill had to read everything just in case. Geometry was easy, but there was homework every night, and it had come to the point where Jill never got anything done in SRT, because if she wasn't writing notes back and forth to Hilton, Todd, and Doug, she was writing notes to Hillary. It seemed that was almost their only form of communication anymore, now that football cheerleading was over. Hill was with Dirk so much she hardly ever hung out with Jill one-on-one anymore, and if she wasn't with Dirk, she was cheering for basketball. And now that health was over, the only thing Jill would have with Hillary next semester would be lunch on green days, because Hillary had careers in place of health, and Jill had music appreciation. Jill's other classes were all blow-offs, but they were really boring, and her first finals week ever had been majorly stressful and annoying, so she was just ready for a nice two-week break.

The first night of break, her whole family, except Aaron, who was way too cool to hang out with his family, had a movie night. They made popcorn and watched _Sleepless in Seattle_ and, of course, _The Little Mermaid_ , Jill and Winnie's favorite. After Winnie went to bed, Jill and her parents watched _The Client_ , another of Jill's favorites. When she was younger she'd thought Brad Renfro was so hot.

On the second night of break, Jill, Tyler, Hillary, and Dirk went to a movie. The whole group was supposed to go, but Lorylyn, Brady, Hilton, and Todd all cancelled. Jill was depressed Todd didn't come, and she had a horrible time because Hillary and Dirk were making out the whole movie, and she felt like squirming away just when Tyler tried to hold her hand. I have _got_ to break up with him, she thought.

***

On Christmas Eve Jill's family went to dinner at the Brinkley House with Hillary's family around seven, then continued on to the 9:00 church service, an annual tradition. Hillary's family had always gone to the same nondenominational church as Jill's family, but the Sherers went every week, and Hill's family basically went only on Christmas Eve and Easter. But they always ate at the Brinkley House on Christmas Eve together, and Jill and Hillary usually sat at their own table. When they were in junior high it had made them feel really grown-up to sit by themselves, and they liked to pretend they were in their twenties and going out to dinner together in some big city somewhere. Their conversations were always juvenile though; all they could usually talk about was people at school and what they hoped to get for Christmas the next day. This was also the time the two of them exchanged gifts.

This year Jill had had a hard time picking a present for Hillary. In the past they'd usually gotten each other clothes, because that was one of their main interests, but this year Jill didn't think that felt right, even though Hillary had gotten her a cute top for her birthday. Hillary's gift had just felt so impersonal for some reason, probably because in the past, Hillary would've gotten something Jill had pointed out when they were at the mall together, and the last time they'd been to the mall together was over the summer. The whole situation felt a little weird because their relationship had changed so much. Jill felt like Hillary had grown up so fast and left her behind. She knew she felt that way mostly because of Dirk and her own lack of a similar relationship. When Hillary and Dirk had first started dating, Hillary had told Jill everything, every little detail of her time spent with Dirk, but lately she'd become more elusive, and Jill had a feeling it was because Hillary and Dirk had done things sexually that Hillary didn't think Jill would understand since she hadn't done them herself. She wondered if Hillary talked to anyone else about that type of stuff now. Maybe Lorylyn? Jill longed to be close to Hillary again, and she was also dying to know how far Hillary and Dirk had gone.

Walking into the restaurant carrying a gift bag with Hillary's present – she'd finally decided on a picture frame and some body wash and lotion from Bath and Body Works – Jill felt eager to finally have a chance to catch up with Hillary and get things back to how they used to be. When she saw Dirk sitting beside Hillary at the long table their families always reserved, she froze in the doorway.

_Dirk was here?!_ With Hill's family on _Christmas Eve_?! Jill couldn't believe it. The thought had never even crossed her mind to ask Tyler. This was a _family_ holiday. At least it'd always been for her. She couldn't even comprehend Dirk's being here. More than anything, she was jealous. It would be so awesome to have a boyfriend she was so close to that they spent time with each other's families on Christmas Eve. The whole thing was just so grown-up. Every couple in high school probably did it. That was so cool. She wondered if Lorylyn was seeing Brady tonight. She felt more left out than ever. And now she wouldn't even get a chance to talk to Hillary privately and catch up with her.

***

Gymnastics practice resumed the day after Christmas. Jill casually mentioned to Lorylyn that Dirk had come with Hillary to Christmas Eve dinner and asked if Lorylyn had done anything with Brady that night. Jill tried to act like she thought it was no big deal.

"No, I went to church with my family in Logan; we always go to my grandparents' church for the midnight service. And then I spent the night there, so I didn't get to see Brady. He was in Indy at his grandparents' anyways. But he came over last night when we got home from my grandparents' and he got home from his."

So they hadn't spent Christmas Eve together; they'd actually spent part of Christmas _Day_ together. Jill was so jealous.

"I think I'm gonna break up with Tyler," she said suddenly.

"Really?" Lorylyn looked up from the chalk bowl by the bars, surprised. "How come?"

"I'm just so sick of him," Jill moaned despairingly. "I don't even like him anymore!"

"When are you gonna do it?"

"I don't know. Soon. I can't take it anymore!"

"Oh, so I talked to Brady about the whole...boob-touching incident," Lorylyn said with a giggle.

"Oh, really? What'd he say?"

"He just said he shouldn't have tried it so soon and that he really wants to go farther, of course, but he'll wait till I'm ready."

"Aww, that's sweet."

"Yeah, he's so cute!" Lorylyn beamed and giggled again happily. "Agh, I like him so much!"

"Are you doing something with him tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm going over to his house. Are you and Tyler doing anything?"

"No."

Just then Brooke walked into the gym over on the far side, dressed for cheerleading practice in a wife-beater and boxers, and waved at Lindy, who was waiting against the wall while Amy did her floor routine.

Lindy looked to see where Coach Tanner was, and, seeing her busy with several girls on beam, hurried over to the entrance of the gym to meet Brooke. They were too far away for Jill and Lorylyn to hear their conversation, but Brooke had her hands on her hips, and Jill could tell she was talking rapidly.

Lindy began emphatically shaking her head, but Brooke nodded back just as emphatically and continued talking. It looked like she was trying to convince Lindy of something. Finally Lindy gave an exaggerated shrug, and Brooke grinned, her hands still on her hips. Then Lindy glanced back over her shoulder. Coach Tanner was still busy with the girls on beam. Brooke and Lindy left the gym together, probably to get a drink.

"So what's up with her?" Jill asked Lorylyn. "Has she been around Brady at all lately? Did you see her sitting by him at our meet?" Brooke never talked about Brady at lunch anymore, and Jill hadn't heard anything else about it since Landon's Halloween party when Brooke had so obviously split Brady and Lorylyn up for spin the bottle.

Lorylyn shrugged. "Yeah, I saw her. But I'm sure she was just here to watch Lindy. I don't think she's really around him much. I mean, I know they have class together though. But whatever. He never talks about her. I'm not really worried about it. I mean, you don't really think she'd try to break us up or something, do you? She seems so nice."

Lindy came back into the gym alone and returned to the floor exercise mat. Amy had finished her routine and was taking a breather. Lindy went right over to her and started whispering. Lorylyn had started going through her routine on bars and didn't see, but Jill watched them curiously. Amy looked shocked by what Lindy was saying, and Jill could've sworn Amy snuck a glance in Lorylyn's direction. That couldn't be good...Jill wished she knew what Brooke had told Lindy.

***

The next day Hilton called Jill. "Landon's for sure having a New Year's party! I'm so pumped! Brooke and Lindy say his New Year's parties are like, the _best_ of all his parties! He's had them for the last two years!"

"He had one when they were in eighth grade?"

"Yeah! And Brooke and Lindy said everyone who's not there with a date has to draw a name out of a hat and that's who you kiss at midnight!"

"What?! Are you serious?"

"Yeah! So what are you gonna do, break up with Tyler now or stay with him till the party to make sure you don't have to kiss somebody gross?"

"Oh, I don't know! I didn't even think of that! What should I do?"

"I'd break up with him!" Hilton giggled mischievously. "You might get to kiss Todd!"

Jill grinned at the thought. "But what should I say to him? To Tyler? I don't know how to break up with him!"

"Um...call him and just do it. You need to get that over with! You so don't even like him!"

Jill giggled. "I know...agh, that's so awful."

"No, it's not awful, it just means you really need to break up with him. You know there's way better guys out there."

"Yeah, I know....Okay, I'll do it."

"Yay! You'll feel so much better once you do. I think it's the right thing."

After hanging up from Hilton, it took Jill a couple hours to get up the nerve to do it, but after asking her mom for advice on what to say to him, she finally called. Knowing her mom was supporting her made her feel much more confident. She knew Hilton would be proud of her too.

"Hey, Tyler? It's Jill. I...um...I think we should break up," Jill said uncomfortably when he answered the phone. Her heart was pounding. She'd never been more nervous about calling a guy.

"Oh," he responded. "Um...okay." There was a short awkward silence, then Jill heard him hang up.

How pathetic...not even a question as to why she was ending it. A junior high end to a junior high relationship. But it was over! Jill breathed a sigh of relief, then ran downstairs to tell her mom.

### chapter 8) landon's... new year's

The night before Landon's New Year's Eve party, Hilton spent the night at Jill's house for the first time. Jill was excited. She felt like maybe Hilton was becoming her new best friend, since she didn't really have Hillary anymore. They debated on what to wear to the party; it would be Landon's first party in cold weather, and they didn't really know whether they'd be outside much or not.

"I'll probably just wear a sweatshirt and jeans or something," Hilton said. "I hadn't really thought about it yet."

"But don't you wanna wear a cute shirt? I mean, to impress Landon or something?"

"Nah, whatever," Hilton said carelessly. "He's seen me in a swimsuit; he knows."

Jill laughed, surprised. She wished she had Hilton's easy confidence. But then Hilton would look gorgeous even in a sweatshirt, and Jill would probably look like a big tomboy or something. "I don't know, I think I might just wear jeans and a long-sleeved shirt or something. Like something cute." Jill went over to her closet and started looking through her shirts.

"Yeah, you should. That'd be cool. I'm so excited you broke up with Bennett!" Hilton grinned, and Jill grinned back over her shoulder while continuing to sort through her closet.

Hilton stretched in Jill's green beanbag, her legs straight out in front of her and her hands over her head, then curled back up in a ball. "If I don't get to kiss Landon at midnight, I hope I get to kiss Reed."

Jill turned around in surprise. "You like Reed? I didn't know that!" Reed Mitchell was a sophomore who already played on the varsity basketball team. He was about six feet tall and really muscular with long shaggy brown hair. He looked like he could be a senior. Jill didn't know him at all; she only knew who he was from going to basketball games.

"Yeah, kinda. I just started noticing him during basketball cheerleading. Hey, are you coming to the Holiday Tourney tomorrow?"

"Um, I have gymnastics from eight to eleven. What time's the tourney?"

"Well, the first two games are at nine and eleven, and then the winners of those two games play at three. We play in the second game in the morning. You should come."

"Yeah, I'll probably come after practice. Who's all in it?"

"Um, the first game's like Logan North against Western Pine. And we play Woodview."

"That's kinda a weird bunch of schools! They all suck except Logan North."

"Yeah, well who really wants to play in a freakin' tournament on New Year's Eve! They probably had trouble getting teams."

"True. Hey!" Jill had just thought of something. "Do you remember a few days ago at cheerleading practice if Brooke was talking about Brady at all? 'Cause she came into the gym and waved Lindy over, and they were talking, then Lindy went right back and whispered something to Amy, and it looked like Amy looked over at Lorylyn."

"No, I haven't even heard her mention Brady since like, that day at lunch when she was telling us they were on Homecoming Court together."

"Huh. Well maybe it was just random that Amy looked at Lorylyn then. Who knows."

***

The next morning after practice, Jill threw a sweatshirt on over her leotard and shorts, pulled her leotard down around her waist, and shoved her feet into her flip-flops.

"Hey, are you going over to the game?" Lindy asked, coming up behind her.

"Yeah! Are you?"

"Yeah, I told Brooke I'd stop by for a while. I'll walk over with you."

Jill hadn't really talked that much to Lindy in a long time, and she felt awkward. Lindy was always friendly to her and Lorylyn at practice, but ever since Brady had asked Lorylyn to the dance instead of Brooke, Jill wondered if Lindy was mad at Lorylyn or anything. She didn't seem to be though; things at their lunch table on green days were as casual and lighthearted as ever. But Brooke and Lindy _were_ best friends...

"So, are you going to Landon's party tonight?" Lindy asked with a smile as they crossed the lobby between the gyms. Her sleek blonde ponytail swished as she walked.

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Yep."

"I heard his New Year's parties are even better than his other ones."

"Yeah, they're awesome. This one should be...I don't know. We'll see. Hopefully good." Lindy shook her head a little as she pulled open the door to the varsity gym.

Jill wondered what she meant, but didn't want to ask. The game had just started, and they sat down on the bleachers together. There were lots of parents here, but only a scattering of students. Usually varsity games were packed; Jill loved them. But it _was_ eleven in the morning on New Year's Eve.

Brooke spotted Lindy and waved, a cat-like smile on her face that seemed odd for the situation. Lindy smiled back halfheartedly, shaking her head slightly. Jill quickly looked out at the court and pretended not to see. Obviously Brooke and Lindy had some kind of inside joke going on or something.

It was a really boring game, but Jill felt cool sitting next to Lindy. Reed was playing really well; Jill figured Hilton was enjoying it from where she sat in the first row with the other JV cheerleaders. Landon had gotten to dress varsity for the game, but he didn't play. The JV team was here, sitting behind the varsity bench keeping stats. Jill was surprised to see Dirk with them. He had been playing freshman ball so far. So I guess maybe he made JV after all, Jill thought with a small smile, remembering Hillary's story about her first conversation with Dirk in art.

At halftime Lindy went down to talk to Brooke. Hilton flew up into the stands, plopping down beside Jill. Hillary didn't come up with Hilton; she was working on a lift with some of the other cheerleaders. Hilton's caramel-colored eyes were shining, and Jill could tell she had a story.

"So before the game we were all sitting there, and Brooke and Blake were sitting behind me, and Blake was like, 'So Brooke, are you ready for tonight?' in this really, like, smug voice. And then they both started laughing. And Blake was like, 'This is gonna be great; she's gonna be so upset. She has no clue.' And then Brooke was like, 'I know! I can't wait! Stupid little bitch.' " Hilton stopped for breath and stared at Jill, her eyes wide.

Jill's eyes widened too. "Oh my gosh! What do you think's gonna happen?"

"I don't know! It's gotta be something with Lorylyn though."

"Yeah! Do you think we should say something to her?"

"I don't know..." Hilton paused. "No, probably not. I mean, what can Brooke really do, split them up for spin the bottle again? Lorylyn didn't even care about that. It's probably just that Brooke is gonna go up to Lorylyn and bitch her out or something. That might upset Lorylyn, but it'll just make Brooke look like a total bitch, and it's not gonna have any effect on Lorylyn and Brady. So I don't think we should say anything and, like, get her worried over nothing. And she'll probably be with Brady the whole time anyways, so when would Brooke even have the chance to come up to her? She'd never do it _in front_ of Brady."

"Yeah, that's true. Good point. It's probably better not to say anything then."

***

Cassidy's mom drove Cassidy, Sam, Kat, Hilton, and Jill to Landon's that night. True to her word, Hilton wore jeans and an oversized hooded sweatshirt with a pair of huge silver hoop earrings that almost touched her shoulders. Her honey-colored hair was in a loose, messy ponytail, and she didn't even look like she was wearing any makeup.

And she looks ten times sexier than me! Jill thought. Jill had decided to wear a tight black sweater with blue stripes around the elbows and a pair of jeans. She was glad to see Cassidy and Sam were dressed similarly to her in jeans and sweaters. But still, Jill wished she had her own sense of style like Hilton. Every time Jill was dressed differently, she felt stupid and embarrassed, but when Hilton dressed differently, it was on purpose...because she liked to be unique and knew she looked hot anyway.

When they got to the party, people were gathered mostly in Landon's living room and garage. A keg and ping-pong table were set up in the garage, and the TV was on in the living room. Jill and Hilton headed inside. Lorylyn and Brady were sitting close together on the end of the couch, and Jill saw Brooke and Lindy standing in the middle of a group of girls over in the far corner of the room. She didn't see Todd anywhere. She hoped he hadn't decided not to come.

After talking to Lorylyn and Brady for a while, Hilton got up from the couch. "Look, here comes Hillary and Dirk. Let's let them sit. Come out to the garage with me."

Jill stood up and followed Hilton out to the garage. Reed was standing near the keg with Landon and a few other guys, and as soon as Hilton grinned over her shoulder at Jill, Jill knew why she'd wanted to come out here.

"Let's go say hi."

As Hilton led the way, Jill glanced around, looking for Todd. She spotted him over by the ping-pong table with Bennett. He saw her and raised his plastic keg cup in her direction. She waved, hoping Bennett didn't see. He didn't look up from the ping-pong game they were watching.

"Hey, boys," Hilton said playfully as she sidled up to the keg.

"Hey, hottie!" Landon, already drunk, put his arm around her and drew her close. "Want a beer?"

"Sure." She held her hand out to accept the cup Reed was offering her. "Thanks. Jill, do you want one?"

"Um, no thanks." Jill stood awkwardly in the circle. All the guys were talking to Hilton but not to her. She decided to go talk to Todd.

"Hey," she said, walking up beside him and punching him lightly on the arm. "What's up?" She positioned herself so Todd was blocking her view of Bennett on his other side.

"Hey, Jilly." Todd ruffled her hair and then put his hand in his pocket. "Not much, just watchin' some ping-pong."

"Cool." Jill stood uncomfortably beside him, thinking maybe she shouldn't have come over. He was being kind of distant; maybe he was mad at her for breaking up with Bennett. She glanced back at Hilton. Landon's arm was still around her shoulders, and she was looking at Reed and laughing animatedly. This was where Jill needed Hillary! Normally the two of them always had each other in awkward situations like this where they had no one else to talk to. But now Jill was on her own.

"Hey, you wanna go outside?" Todd asked suddenly, turning to look at her. "It's gettin' kinda hot in here."

"All right." Jill tried to sound nonchalant, but she was thrilled. Bennett didn't even look at them as they walked away, and Jill wondered if he even cared she was going off with Todd.

Todd led the way, and they walked around to the back of the house and down to the stone wall. It was freezing out, and Jill crossed her arms over her chest as she followed him. Todd hoisted himself up on the wall facing the lake, and Jill climbed up beside him.

"So I hear you and Bennett broke up." Todd took a drink of his beer.

"Yeah...I don't know...I guess I just didn't like him that much anymore."

"That's cool. I understand."

Jill was relieved. She didn't want him mad at her. "Is he like, okay about it?"

"Yeah, I think he's cool."

"That's good." She looked at Todd. He was staring out at the lake. She felt like his mind was a million miles away. He wasn't goofy like normal. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He took another long drink of beer. Then he turned to look at her. She waited, but he didn't say anything for a while.

Jill was suddenly self-conscious because of the way he was staring at her, even though it was so dark he probably couldn't see her in too much detail. Did she look okay? Why was he being so weird?

"So we're like, pretty good friends, right?" Todd asked, still looking at her.

"Yeah, why?" Jill was thrilled he considered her a good friend, and she wondered where he was going with this conversation. Oh my gosh! she thought. Maybe he likes me! Maybe he's gonna tell me! She knew that probably wasn't it, but her hopes were up now. _Could_ that be it?!

Todd turned away and faced the lake again. "So don't tell anyone I told you this, but my parents just started counseling."

"What?" Jill leaned forward to get a better look at his face. _That_ was definitely not what she'd been expecting. At the same moment her heart sank that he hadn't been going to tell her he liked her, she felt privileged he was telling her this. "Like, marriage counseling?"

"Yeah, like couples' counseling or something. I don't know. They just had their first session yesterday."

"Oh my gosh, Todd, I'm so sorry." Jill wanted to touch his arm, to comfort him somehow, but she wasn't sure whether she should or not.

"Yeah, I know. It sucks." His voice was flat, and Jill could tell he was trying to hide his emotions.

"Did you like, realize anything was wrong? Or was it just kinda sudden?"

"I don't know, I mean they fight sometimes and stuff, but I figured they were just like everybody else's parents." He shrugged, still not looking at her.

"Well, at least they're not getting a divorce or anything, right? I mean, if they're going to counseling they must be trying to work things out." Jill tried to sound hopeful.

"Yeah, maybe." Todd shrugged again.

"And, you know, maybe it's not even that they're having a problem in their marriage. Maybe they're just going for something else."

"Yeah right, like what?"

"I don't know, maybe just something less serious. Maybe just to strengthen their marriage or something, but maybe it's really not even that bad; they just want it to be even better." Jill knew she was rambling, and it didn't sound very convincing, even to her.

"Yeah, I doubt it."

Jill touched his arm because she didn't know what else to do. "I'm sorry, Todd."

Todd sat there awhile longer, drinking his beer and staring out at the water. After a minute, Jill's hand dropped from his arm and she sat beside him in silence, looking at the lake as well.

"Well, hey, we should probably go back in," Todd said suddenly, jumping down from the wall. He offered Jill his hand.

She took it and hopped down reluctantly, not wanting this private moment to end. She felt like she hadn't said anything right or been able to help at all, and she wanted to be able to do something for him.

"Thanks for listening," Todd said. "I just felt like I could tell you 'cause I didn't really wanna talk to any of the guys about it, ya know. Don't say anything, 'cause I haven't told anybody else."

"Oh, don't worry! I won't," Jill said quickly, knowing there was no way she would ever betray Todd's trust. Right now she would've done anything for him. He looked so vulnerable standing there with the moonlight accenting his face. His dark eyes looked sad. But he was trying to act like it didn't matter that much to him, and Jill knew it'd been hard for him to tell her. She wanted more than anything to hug him, but she figured he probably didn't want that.

So she walked beside him silently back to the garage, and he went right to the keg to refill his cup. Then he left Jill and headed back to the ping-pong table, loudly declaring, "I call next game! Me and Bennett have the winners!"

"No time for another game!" Landon called from near the keg, where he was still standing with Reed and Hilton and some other guys. He removed his arm from Hilton's shoulders and stepped into the middle of the garage. "All the guys inside!" He, Reed, and several other guys were grinning.

Jill looked at Hilton with a frown. Hilton frowned back and shrugged. They stood and watched as Landon ushered all the boys toward the living room. Jill saw Bennett saying something quietly to Todd. Todd grinned and they high-fived. A minute later several girls started coming out from the living room, including Brooke, Lindy, Hillary, and Lorylyn.

"What the hell's going on?" Brooke asked Landon.

"Sorry, no can tell. It's a guy thing."

"Well aren't we gonna play spin the bottle?"

"Nope, not tonight. We have somethin' else we have to do. But you girls can do whatever you want out here. We won't be gone long."

"Uh!" Brooke huffed at Landon. "No secrets!"

"Sorry," Landon called, heading into the house behind the last of the guys. "We'll be back later."

"What the hell!" Brooke cried indignantly, putting her hands on her hips. "What are they doing?"

Jill's eyes darted around the garage. No one seemed to know.

"All right," Brooke said. "Who's coming with me to find out?"

"I'll come!" Blake Bishop said eagerly.

Brooke glanced at her. "Ooohh, I have a better idea! Let's play spin the bottle. I'll spin, and whoever I land on has to come with me." She grinned devilishly.

"We don't have a bottle," someone said. "We'll have to use a keg cup."

"Hmm." Brooke's eyes scanned the garage, then she walked over to a large fridge by the door to the house. She pulled the fridge open and studied the contents inside. "Yes!" she exclaimed triumphantly, turning around to face the rest of the girls and raising a bottle of Miller Lite in her hand. She grinned again. "Who wants to time me?"

She twisted the cap off in her shirt and then proceeded to chug the whole bottle. Jill was amazed.

"Fifteen seconds!" Blake shouted.

Brooke shrugged, raising her eyebrows sassily. "Not too bad. Okay." She squatted down, placing the empty bottle on the floor and spinning it hard. When it stopped it was pointing right at Jill. Brooke looked up. "Yay! Jill! Come on, let's go see what those boys are up to!"

Jill looked back at Hilton with wide eyes. There was no way she could sneak into Landon's house; she barely knew him! It was one thing for Brooke to do it...

Hilton was cracking up laughing, as were Hillary and Lorylyn.

"Come on, Jill!" Brooke cried, already halfway to the door.

Jill followed her reluctantly, because she knew if she protested everyone would think she was no fun.

As they stepped into the house and Brooke placed her finger over her lips, Jill actually felt a thrill race through her body. This was kind of fun! Then Brooke turned to her with a wicked smile and did the knuckle-to-nose gesture. Jill giggled and felt much better.

They crept down the hallway toward the living room, Brooke leading the way. The doors to the living room were closed, but the guys were definitely in there. They were laughing and shouting wildly. Jill couldn't imagine what they were doing.

Brooke slid up beside the doors and turned one of the knobs slowly and quietly. She eased the door open an inch, and Jill tried to peer in behind her. All the guys were standing around, facing the TV, and Jill couldn't see what they were watching.

Suddenly someone in the back shifted just a little, and Jill saw the TV for a split second. There was a naked girl on her knees, holding onto something with both hands and pushing it in and out of her mouth. Oh my gosh! Was that...?

Brooke gave a delighted gasp of laughter as she let go of the door and it hung open a tiny bit. She quickly covered her mouth. "Come on!" She grabbed Jill's arm and dragged her back toward the garage at a run.

"Oh my gosh!" Brooke cried as they exploded back through the door into the garage. She doubled over, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

"What?! What were they doing?" everyone asked expectantly, looking to Jill for the answer. Jill pretended to be laughing hysterically too, because she wasn't exactly sure what she'd seen in there.

Finally Brooke recovered enough to stand up. "They're watching porn!" she cried gleefully.

Jill glanced toward her friends. Hillary's eyes widened a little, and Lorylyn's mouth dropped open in shock. Hilton was laughing, her hands over her mouth in a surprised gesture.

"Did you guys see it? What was it like?" someone asked eagerly.

"It was this girl giving a guy a blow job!" Brooke howled. "Oh my gosh, it was hilarious!"

Jill laughed along with everyone, but she couldn't believe they were all watching porn! How gross! Lorylyn looked totally grossed out too. Hillary was giggling and didn't really look like she cared, which surprised Jill. Hillary had changed _so much_! How could she not care that her boyfriend was watching porn?! Okay, so Jill had to admit it was kind of funny, and she was excited to have shared the discovery with Brooke, but she was still shocked. How crazy! How had they gotten it?

A few of the other girls decided to sneak inside to try to get a glimpse, Hillary and Hilton included. Jill went over to stand by Lorylyn.

"I can't believe my boyfriend's watching porn!" Lorylyn said, not sounding too happy about it. "I can't believe they all are! That's so disgusting!" She shook her whole upper body, as if trying to rid herself of the grossness.

Brooke had found two sleeping bags on a shelf in the garage and gotten them down. She'd held a whispered conference with Lindy, and now she was unrolling the bags and spreading them out on the floor. Lindy stood off to the side watching, her arms folded across her chest. Jill would almost have said she looked pissed.

"What's she doing?" Jill asked Lorylyn, nodding toward Brooke. She was amazed by how at-home Brooke was making herself in Landon's parents' cottage.

The girls who'd gone inside came back, some looking a little embarrassed, but all giggling.

"Isn't that hilarious?!" Brooke asked them. "Okay, I have an idea." She pointed to the sleeping bags she'd spread out. "Everybody sit in a circle."

Jill felt a little hesitant, but most of the girls hurried to do as Brooke said. Jill and Lorylyn joined Hillary and Hilton in the circle.

"Oh my gosh," Hillary whispered to them. "That was SO gross!" But she giggled. Lorylyn wrinkled her nose and looked away.

"Okay," Brooke said. "We're gonna play a little bit different version of spin the bottle. _Truth or dare_ spin the bottle." She grinned in Lindy's direction. Lindy was now sitting on her knees in the circle, her arms still folded across her chest, and she gave Brooke what could only be described as a grimace. She definitely didn't share Brooke's excitement. Jill felt uneasy.

Blake clapped enthusiastically and cheered. Jill looked at Hillary and rolled her eyes. Blake was so up Brooke's ass; it was getting really annoying.

"I'll spin first," Brooke continued. "And whoever it lands on, you have to pick truth or dare." She placed the bottle in the center of the circle and spun it, then sat back to watch. It landed on Hillary. Brooke looked at her expectantly.

"Um...truth."

Jill couldn't imagine anyone actually choosing dare when Brooke would be the one to make up the dare. Who knew what she'd come up with?

"Okay...hmm." Brooke cocked her head to the side, thinking. Then she looked directly at Hillary with a wicked grin. "How far have you gone with Dirk?"

Jill turned quickly to look at Hillary. This was something she'd been dying to know for a long time!

Hillary looked really embarrassed. She screwed up her face and brought her knees up to her chest. "Second base?" she finally said hesitantly.

"Second base like over the shirt or under?" Brooke demanded.

"Um...under." Hillary's face was bright red now.

Jill tried not to act surprised. She really wasn't that surprised; she'd guessed they'd done some stuff, but it was still weird to hear Hill say it. And she hadn't even told Jill when it happened....Jill felt bummed out. This wasn't the greatest night so far.

"Okay, your turn." Brooke motioned to the bottle and Hillary spun. It pointed to Lindy.

"Truth," Lindy said quickly.

"Have you and Andy had sex?"

Jill was surprised again. That was a gutsy question for a freshman to ask a sophomore! Jill would never have said that.

"Nope," Lindy replied. She didn't seem offended. She spun, and it landed on Blake.

"Dare!" Blake said.

"Hmmm." Lindy looked around the garage, thinking. "Oh, I have a good one! Run past the living room window topless." She grinned, and all the other girls started giggling.

Blake didn't look too happy, but she quickly tried to cover it up and act like it didn't bother her. "Okay, that's no big deal." She stood up, and everyone went outside, gathering just off to the side of the window, far enough away that they couldn't be seen from inside.

"I'll hold your shirt and bra," Brooke said, holding out her hands. Blake quickly stripped. It was too dark to see anything, but all the girls cheered teasingly anyway. Jill was annoyed. Everything Blake did annoyed her.

Blake took off running across the yard, flying by the large picture window in a split second.

"No, you have to get closer!" Brooke called. "The light's on in there; there's no way they would've even noticed!"

Blake hesitated a moment on the other side of the yard, then quickly sprinted back across to the girls, a little closer to the window this time. She ran right to Brooke and grabbed her clothes, throwing them on.

"Did they see you?" someone asked.

"I don't know, I didn't look in!" Blake squealed. "That was so fun though!"

Hilton looked at Jill and stuck her finger down her throat. Jill giggled.

When they were settled back on the sleeping bags in the garage, Blake spun the bottle. It landed between Amy and Brooke.

"It's on me!" Brooke said quickly. "I'll do it! Truth!" She was practically bouncing with excitement. Jill shared a bewildered look with Lorylyn, who was sitting next to her. Brooke was so hyper...how drunk was she?

Jill looked at Blake expectantly, waiting for the question. She wondered what Blake would come up with. She was sure Brooke wouldn't take offense to anything anyone might ask her.

Blake's grin was practically evil. She waited a moment before asking loudly and clearly, "Who was the last person you had sex with?"

Brooke looked like she was starting to say something, then she lost it, laughing so hard she had to put her head down in her lap.

Jill looked at Lorylyn again. What the hell was going on?! Brooke must be trashed. Then Jill looked at Blake. She was cracking up too, as though the question were a joke of some sort or she already knew the answer. Suddenly a horrible thought occurred to Jill. Her eyes flew toward Hilton, and she could tell Hilton was already thinking the same thing. The look Hilton gave her was one of apprehension mixed with unease, and Hilton pulled her arms in close and leaned out of the circle slightly, as if waiting helplessly for what was about to happen.

Lindy and Amy looked at each other, both of them looking uneasy as well. Lindy shook her head a little, then they both stared at their laps.

Jill knew what Brooke was going to say, and she wanted to cover her ears. She couldn't look at Lorylyn. She stared at her lap too.

Finally Brooke stopped laughing and raised her head long enough to share a quick look with Blake and gasp out, "It...was...Brady." Then she started laughing hysterically again and fell backward, rolling on the sleeping bag. Blake was still laughing too, and Tiffany and Stacy joined in, looking surprised but thrilled.

Everyone else gasped and turned to Lorylyn. Lorylyn's dark eyes had gone wide, her gaze frozen on Brooke. She sat there, unmoving, for what seemed like forever, then pushed herself up and ran into the house, slamming the door behind her.

Jill and Hillary immediately stood up and ran after her, the sound of Brooke's laughter following them all the way to the house.

"She probably went in the bathroom," Hillary said breathlessly, leading the way past the living room and down the hallway. She pounded on the closed doorway. "Lorylyn? It's Hillary and Jill."

"Come in," Lorylyn called in a muffled voice, and they could tell she was crying. Hillary opened the door, and they entered to find Lorylyn sitting on the toilet lid with her knees pulled up to her chest, sobbing.

"Hon, I'm so sorry," Hillary said, kneeling down to rub Lorylyn's back.

"It'll be okay," Jill added, kneeling on Lorylyn's other side.

"How could he not tell me?" she sobbed. "I can't believe he's had sex!"

"Ssshhh, it's okay," Hillary soothed.

"No, it ruins everything! We're so different! He's had sex, and he watches porn! He's not who I thought he was at all!"

"I know," Jill whispered, totally understanding how Lorylyn felt. All she could think was that if this were her and Todd, she'd feel the same way.

"I know you're upset," Hillary said. "But maybe he didn't tell you about the sex thing 'cause it was a long time ago and it didn't mean anything to him. I'm sure what you guys have now means so much more, and he didn't wanna ruin it. And porn...that's not that big a deal. Dirk did it too."

Jill couldn't believe Hillary. How could she make excuses for Brady? Every time Hillary talked, Jill felt the distance between them growing.

Lorylyn didn't say anything; she kept her head buried in her knees.

Hillary continued rubbing Lorylyn's back and shook her head sadly at Jill, but Jill wasn't sure if Hillary was thinking, Poor Lorylyn, or, Lorylyn shouldn't be so upset about this.

Jill looked away from Hillary and stroked Lorylyn's hair. "I'm so sorry, Lor," she said softly. "I'd be upset too."

Finally Lorylyn looked up and wiped her eyes. "I'm gonna call my mom to come get me."

"You're just gonna leave?" Hillary asked, surprised. "You're not even gonna talk to Brady about it?"

Lorylyn left the bathroom without responding, and Jill hurried after her. "Hey, do you want me to go with you?"

Lorylyn paused beside the phone in the kitchen, wiping her eyes and shaking her head. "No, it's all right," she hiccupped. "I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

Lorylyn nodded, dialing her number.

Hillary came into the kitchen and stood waiting by the door while Lorylyn called. Jill didn't look at her.

"Mom?" Lorylyn spoke into the phone, trying to sound like she wasn't crying. "Can you come get me?...Yeah, I'm still at Landon's....No, we had a fight....It's on Lake Caldwell, on South Lake Avenue; it's like, a log cabin cottage....Okay, thanks, bye." She hung up and turned to Jill. "She's coming. I'm just gonna wait outside."

"I'll come with you." Jill put her arm around Lorylyn, and they went out the back door to avoid the garage. Hillary followed silently as they walked around the path to the driveway and sat on the little stone wall bordering the path. Lorylyn remained silent, looking down at the ground. Jill rubbed her back.

Lorylyn's mom showed up about fifteen minutes later. Jill stood up and hugged Lorylyn tightly. "It'll be okay, Lor. I'm so sorry, hon."

"Thanks," Lorylyn sniffled.

Hillary hugged her too, then Lorylyn walked down the driveway to her mom's car and got in. Jill and Hillary stood watching as the car backed out of the driveway and headed back the way it'd come, then they turned and headed back to the house. They walked silently. Jill didn't feel like there was anything to say to Hillary. She knew Hillary felt bad that Lorylyn was upset, but Hillary acted like she didn't think Lorylyn _should_ have been upset at all, or at least not as much as she was.

They reentered the garage through the house. The circle had broken up, and everyone was standing around in groups. Brooke and Blake looked up with sly grins as Jill and Hillary came through the door. They were surrounded by a large group of girls that included Cassidy and Sam. Jill glared at Sam. What a traitor! She was supposedly still friends with Lorylyn, but she hadn't even gone to see if Lor was okay. She was too freaking worried about what Brooke and Blake thought of her. Stupid bitch. Jill looked away, and she and Hillary headed over to Hilton, who was standing with Lindy.

"How is she?" Hilton asked worriedly.

"She went home," Jill said, and Hilton's face immediately registered sympathy and compassion.

"I feel so bad for her," Hilton said.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry, you guys," Lindy said, shaking her head. "I don't know what she was thinking..." She nodded slightly in Brooke's direction. It was silent for a moment. Then Lindy said, "Well, I guess I'm gonna go try to talk to her." She started off toward Brooke.

After she left, Hilton glared in Brooke's direction. "She is such a fucking bitch."

Jill nodded in agreement, feeling her stomach twist in hate as she looked at Brooke. Brooke was standing there talking to Blake, looking beautiful and completely sure of herself, as always. It was as if nothing had happened. She obviously didn't even feel an ounce of remorse for what she'd done. Jill could have looked at her last summer standing there like that and envied her, but now she felt intimidated by her. Brooke was someone whose bad side Jill never wanted to be on.

"Damn it!" Hilton said. "We should've warned Lorylyn. That must've been Brooke's plan, to have Lorylyn find out, 'cause she probably knew that'd break them up!"

A jolt of realization hit Jill. It all made sense now...Lindy's disagreement with Brooke in the gym and the way she'd come back and whispered to Amy, and how Lindy had seemed uneasy about Landon's party this morning at the game. Lindy had known Brooke was going to tell Lorylyn, and she hadn't wanted her to do it.

Just then Landon opened the door and poked his head out into the garage. "Hey, you girls can come in now. It's time for the drawing ceremony." He smiled mischievously and closed the door.

Jill looked at Hilton. "The drawing ceremony?"

"Yeah, where you draw who you kiss at midnight." Hilton seemed less than thrilled.

Jill felt the same way. All the fun was ruined now. She didn't even care who she kissed. She wished she would've left with Lorylyn. Even the thought of kissing Todd had a bittersweet feel to it.

Jill, Hillary, and Hilton slowly followed the rest of the girls into the living room. Hillary went over to Dirk, who was standing by the window, and Jill and Hilton stood together near the door. Jill looked for Brady. He was lounging on the couch, looking totally carefree and laughing at something the guy next to him had said. He hadn't realized yet that Lorylyn was missing.

"Hey, everybody, listen up!" Landon called from near the coffee table. He lifted a large wooden bowl off the table and held it up. "All us single guys put our names in here. If you're a single girl, I'll have you come one at a time to draw a name. If you're here with a date, go find them now." He waited while people moved around the room. The TV was now tuned into the ABC countdown in Times Square. Fifteen minutes to go.

As the couples paired up, Brady glanced around, looking for Lorylyn. Jill looked at Hilton nervously.

"Hey!" Brady called casually across the room. "Do you guys know where Lorylyn is?"

Jill shrugged, pretending not to know. She wasn't going to shout it all the way across the room. Hilton shook her head. Brady shrugged and said something to the guy next to him. He probably thought she was in the bathroom. Jill saw Brooke and Blake grinning in Brady's direction.

"All right, girls, form a line!" Landon called. "Come and get it!" He grinned and held the bowl out in front of him. The single girls started to move in his direction. Jill and Hilton fell in near the end of the line. Jill noticed Brooke lingering at the very end, still eyeing Brady.

Even though Jill had thought she didn't care whose name she drew anymore, she found herself listening anxiously to hear if anyone else drew Todd. It was almost her turn and no one had. Just as Hilton went to draw, Brady stood up and left the room, probably to go look for Lorylyn.

Hilton unfolded her slip of paper dramatically, looked at it, and flashed a grin. "Reed." She waved the paper in the air and raised her eyebrows playfully at Reed.

She's so lucky! Jill thought. I can't believe she actually got the guy she likes! Jill reached out to draw. She fished around the five or six pieces of paper left in the bowl and tried to send a message to her fingers to pick the one with Todd's name. She slowly withdrew one and unfolded it. Her heart sank in disbelief as she read the name. "Bennett."

She scanned the room to find him. How could this be happening?! How awkward! This whole night was awful! She wanted to cry. She found Bennett and dragged herself over to stand by him, since everyone else was pairing off with their partners.

"Hey," Bennett said with an awkward smile.

"Hey," Jill mumbled. Under different circumstances she might've been able to find some humor in this, but not tonight.

Jill looked at the girls left in line. A few she didn't really know, then Blake and Brooke. She prayed someone would draw Todd before it got to them. She would just about die if Brooke or Blake kissed Todd. The next girl drew Landon, then a couple guys' names came up Jill didn't know. Her heart sank as Blake stepped up and put her hand in the bowl. She wished she didn't have to hear. It didn't matter which one of them got him; it was equally bad.

"Ooohh, Todd!" Blake grinned.

Jill's stomach twisted as she looked over at Todd. When she saw him smile and high-five the guy next to him, she felt like she might throw up. Todd was actually happy about getting Blake? This is the worst day of my life, Jill thought despairingly. All she was going to be able to think about for the next ten minutes was how Blake was standing next to Todd and talking to him and how he was going to kiss her.

Just then Brady came back into the room, looking confused. He saw Jill and walked over to her.

"Hey, so you don't know where Lorylyn went?" He pushed his curly hair away from his face and frowned.

"Um..." Jill stammered, not knowing what to do. "Um, I think she left, actually."

"What?! She left? Why?"

"Um, I think she didn't feel good or something."

Brady stared at Jill, looking completely baffled. "What? She just left? I better go call her." He hurried toward the hallway.

"There's no names left!" Brooke exclaimed as she reached into the bowl.

"Shit, uneven number of people," Landon said. "You can join me, Brooke. We can have a three-way kiss." He grinned.

Brooke laughed and slapped him playfully on the arm. "You're so bad! Nah, it's okay, I don't have to kiss anyone. I don't care!" she said cheerfully, then plopped down on the couch.

Jill rolled her eyes and looked away. Blake and Todd were talking and laughing together, and Blake was leaning into him. Jill could barely handle the jealousy. After Todd had shared an emotional, private story with her and called her a good friend, now he was over there having a grand old time with Blake. She felt betrayed somehow and hurt, and like their earlier bond was gone. The whole time she'd been praying to draw his name, he'd probably been hoping she wouldn't, because why would he want to kiss her, anyway? She felt stupid and embarrassed. She just wanted to go home.

All of a sudden, Brady stormed into the room looking furious. He stalked purposefully to the couch, grabbed Brooke by the arm, and dragged her out of the room. When Jill saw Brooke wink in Blake's direction, she knew this was exactly what Brooke had wanted to happen. Jill looked over at Hillary, then Hilton, and she could tell they both wanted desperately to go try to listen, just as she did. But there was no way they could try to spy on Brooke with all of Brooke's friends here. Jill felt like she had no control over anything tonight, and she hated everything that was happening!

***

Out in the hall, Brady roughly shoved Brooke's arm away and faced her angrily. "What the fuck did you tell Lorylyn?"

"Don't get so mad!" Brooke said carelessly, waving it off. "It's not like I purposely told her! We were playing truth or dare and somebody asked me who was the last person I slept with." She shrugged innocently. "What was I supposed to do, lie?"

"Yes!" Brady snapped at her. "Look, I told you, I don't wanna date you, okay?! So if you think you're gonna break us up or something and then you can date me, it's not gonna happen! I told you, you were just a piece of ass!"

Brooke reeled back as if she'd been slapped. "Fuck you, Brady!" she snapped. "It's not like I wanna date you either! We were just playing a fucking game! But did you ever think it'd actually work out with Lorylyn? She's such a fucking baby. She's so naive. If she knew half of what you've done she never would've gone out with you! You're not good enough for her, Brady!" she hissed nastily, trying to upset him.

"Well I was apparently good enough for you, so what does that say about you, then?" Brady said maliciously, then stormed past her and out the front door.

Brooke stared after him, numb. He was such an _asshole_! The intense loathing that had laced his tone when he addressed her hurt unbearably. She knew she'd gotten to him when she'd said he wasn't good enough for Lorylyn, but it wasn't too satisfying. This was not how she'd wanted this night to turn out. He'd hit the nail right on the head when he'd said she was trying to break him and Lorylyn up so she could date him. More than anything, her pride was hurt and she was pissed at herself for coming off as so transparent and vulnerable. Maybe she should've listened to Lindy and approached this differently.

I used to have something with him though! she thought. I know it, and he knows it too! And I _will_ get him back! With that thought, she turned and marched back into the living room, her head held high.

***

As soon as midnight came and went and Jill endured a terrible, awkward kiss with Bennett, she considered calling her parents for a ride. The only thing that kept her at the party was Todd and the hope she'd have another chance to talk to him. That was the only thing that could make this night okay.

But Todd ignored her, going back to the garage to resume ping-pong as soon as the midnight festivities were over. Jill felt a small sense of relief that he didn't keep hanging around Blake after they kissed, but she felt depressed because he was paying no attention to her either. He probably doesn't even realize it, she thought. It probably hasn't even crossed his mind to come talk to me. I'm making such a big deal out of it! I need to stop obsessing! I should just leave.

But she couldn't make herself do it, because she still felt that glimmer of hope that he'd decide he wanted to talk to her some more about his parents. She had loved being his confidant because she felt like he needed her and like she was special and important to him. She longed to go talk to him but sat awkwardly with Cassidy, Kat, and Sam instead, not wanting to seem clingy or annoying.

When Todd and Bennett left at 12:30 and Todd didn't even say goodbye, Jill wanted to shoot herself for being so stupid as to think he might need or want to talk to her anymore. What was she thinking? He had called her a good friend, and she'd read way too much into it. She was disgusted with herself. And he had world history with Blake...they'd probably start talking all the time in there and start going out. What had she been thinking, hoping she might have a chance with him? Right. She'd never had one and she never would. He probably jokes around with Blake in world history the same way he does with me in English and SRT, Jill thought bitterly. I probably have nothing with him. And I thought it was so special.

She couldn't wait to get the hell out of here! This was by far the worst New Year's ever!

Finally Cassidy's mom came at one, and Jill sulked silently the whole way home while Hilton talked excitedly about Reed and how good of a kisser he was and how he'd asked her on a date and they were going out to Logan tomorrow night.

Good stuff happens to everyone but me! Jill pouted silently. Well, and Lorylyn. But at least Lorylyn had the guy she wanted for a while! I'll never even have a chance with the guy I want!

### chapter 9) nothing left to look forward to

"How was the party?" Jill's mom asked the next day around noon when Jill finally dragged herself out of bed.

"It totally sucked!" Jill said bitterly. "Lorylyn and Brady are probably broken up and it was all because of Brooke, and you could tell she was so happy about it! She's so mean! And Lorylyn left the party crying! I feel so bad for her."

"Aww, that's too bad." Jill's mom made a sympathetic face.

"Yeah," Jill continued crossly, shoving a piece of cinnamon bread into the toaster. "And then Todd asked me to go talk to him alone, and it was so awesome, and I thought maybe he was gonna tell me he liked me or something, but he told me his parents are in marriage counseling! So I feel really bad for him and everything, and I tried to be really nice and say the right stuff, but then after we went back inside, he like ignored me the rest of the night! He was such a jerk!"

"Yeah, boys can be like that sometimes," Mrs. Sherer said soothingly. "My guess would be he ignored you because he felt like he'd made himself really vulnerable by opening up to you like that, and he was self-conscious and maybe embarrassed about it. So he went back inside and tried to stay away from you so other people wouldn't be able to see how emotional he was. He was probably just trying to act tough, or manly. It's dumb, but guys do it, and I'm sure he didn't realize he was hurting you."

"Huh." Jill hadn't thought of it quite that way. It made sense. She felt a little better. "That could be true. I hope so. But still, why does he have to be like that?! He made me feel so stupid!"

"I know, honey, but try to put yourself in his shoes. He's a freshman trying to look cool in front of all the older guys, but he has this huge problem at home, so he's always trying to act tough and hide his emotions. He decided to talk to you, which means he trusts you a lot, and then he had to put his tough face back on. I wouldn't take it personally. If anything, take it as a compliment that he trusted you enough to tell you, and prove to him that you're worthy of his trust. Show him he was right to tell you."

"How do I do that?"

"You can just be there for him. Forget your feelings and put his first. Like I said, I'm sure he had no intention of hurting _you_. _He's_ hurting, so don't make it any worse by holding a grudge. Try to understand where he's coming from and just support him."

"I really want him to talk to me about it again. I feel like I didn't do enough to help him." Jill pulled her toast out of the toaster and started to slather butter all over it. She felt horrible for ever having been so selfish as to worry about herself so much when she should've been worrying about Todd. Poor Todd. She wished she could hug him right now. Her mom was right. "What should I do? Should I ask him about it again or wait for him to talk to me?"

"Well, I wouldn't call him at home, 'cause he might not be able to talk about it there, since that's where the problem is. School starts again on Monday. Wait till then and try to get a moment alone with him to ask him if he's doing okay. Don't try to pressure him to talk; just let him know you're there if he wants to. And don't be offended if he acts like nothing's wrong. It's just that tough-guy act again, but if he needs to act like that, then let him. He'll at least know you're willing to listen when he's ready to talk again."

Jill wasn't satisfied. "But it's only Thursday! I can't wait till Monday!"

"Well, then, call him and invite him to do something, and maybe you could talk to him then. I just don't think it would be a good idea to call him at home and ask about it, because then his parents might ask why you called and he would probably lie, or else he'd tell the truth and they'd get upset he told you, and either way it just makes the situation at home worse for him."

Jill nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Okay, maybe I'll call him and ask him to come over or something."

"I think that would be a good idea." Mrs. Sherer smiled as Jill sat down with her toast, and Jill realized her spirits had risen significantly.

***

Gymnastics practice started back up on Friday.

"So have you talked to Brady?" Jill asked Lorylyn as they waited in line to vault. This was the first time she'd talked to Lorylyn since Landon's party two nights ago. She'd called yesterday but no one had answered.

"He called me the other night after I left." Lorylyn narrowed her eyes, obviously still angry about the whole thing. "I answered and as soon as he said hi I hung up on him. So then he called right back and I told my mom to answer, but she made me talk to him 'cause she didn't want to get in the middle of everything. I didn't tell her what the fight was really about, obviously. So I was up in my room, and I picked up the phone and he was like, 'Hey, are you okay? Jill said you were sick.' And I was like, 'Why don't you just go talk to Brooke? You'd probably rather be with her anyway!' And then I was like, 'Why don't you just go have sex with her?!' And then I hung up." She kicked at the floor as she moved toward the vault runway. "It was probably immature, I know, but I don't care! I'm so mad at him!"

"So did he call you back again after that?"

"Hold on," Lorylyn said. "I'll tell you after I vault."

Jill hadn't even realized it was Lorylyn's turn. She watched as Lorylyn sprinted down the runway and did a warm-up handspring, landing flat on her back on the pit on the other side of the horse with her arms straight above her head.

As Lorylyn climbed off the pit, Jill found her starting place on the runway and took off, mindlessly performing her vault. Good thing they were doing easy drills today; these were like second nature. All she could concentrate on was Lorylyn's story; she was dying to hear what had happened next.

"So anyways," Lorylyn said as Jill rejoined her and they walked back to get in line again, "he didn't call back at all that night or anything, but yesterday he came over, and my parents were gone and I was sleeping, so I didn't even know he came, and he left roses at the front door."

"Aww!" Jill couldn't help exclaiming. Maybe Hillary had been right; maybe Brooke meant nothing to Brady and he only wanted Lorylyn.

"No, not aww! I can't believe him! There was a note with the flowers saying he was sorry he didn't tell me before and he wanted to explain everything and he asked me to call him."

"Did you?"

"No way! I can't just get over this, just like that. I can't believe he's had sex! That makes things so different. I mean, he's not who I thought he was, plus he said all that about waiting for me to be ready to do stuff, but sex is probably all he cares about. I just can't believe he had sex with _her_."

Lorylyn sounded angry, but she looked like she was about to burst into tears. Jill understood completely; she knew she'd feel the exact same if she found out Todd had had sex, and he wasn't even her boyfriend. It would put things on a whole different level if he were her boyfriend and she found out he'd kept something like that from her. It would ruin the romantic anticipation of a magical first time together...since he would've had another girl before her. Jill would've been devastated, and she knew Lorylyn was as head-over-heels for Brady as she was for Todd. She felt a sudden need to be close to Todd, before _Blake_ weaseled her way in or something, and decided to take her mom's advice and call him that afternoon.

***

Jill was incredibly nervous as she dialed his number. She half hoped he wouldn't answer. Her worst fear was that he'd act like it was weird for her to be calling and she'd regret having done it. She almost had herself talked out of doing it, but then she reminded herself how hard it would be to wait till Monday to talk to him again, and she might not even have a private moment with him at school. She had to try now or she'd regret not doing so.

"Hello?" Todd answered, sounding aloof and not overly friendly. Of course he didn't even know who it was yet, but she already felt she'd made a mistake by calling.

"Hey...Todd?" Jill said timidly, her heart racing so fast she was sure he could hear it through the phone. He could probably at least tell she was nervous from her voice. This sucked!

"Yeah?" Same tone of voice. Bored. Uninterested. Not excited to be getting a phone call.

"Um, hey, it's Jill."

"Oh, hey." He sounded a little curious now, she thought, and maybe his tone had been a little warmer?

"Hey. So, um, I was just wondering if you'd wanna, like, hang out tonight or anything?" She held her breath, and felt humiliated when he didn't answer right away. You idiot! she scolded herself. You made it sound like a date or something!

"Um, I don't think I can tonight," Todd said, sounding distant and vague. Jill's heart sank. Why had she called?! He must think she was so dumb and annoying! She should just shoot herself right now.

"But I might be able to do something tomorrow though. I don't know. I'll give you a call, okay?"

Jill's heart soared again and practically leaped right out of her body. "Okay! Yeah, that's fine!"

"All right. See ya."

"Bye." But he had already hung up. Jill quickly replaced the receiver, feeling a bit off balance and a combination of embarrassed and ecstatic. She'd made a complete fool of herself on the phone, but he had said he might want to do something tomorrow! Everything had just happened so fast...she wished they'd made more definite plans, but she hadn't even had time to think or to suggest anything...now she just had to sit around and wait for him to call tomorrow. But that was okay, she'd take it! At least he hadn't totally shot her down! And they were probably going to hang out tomorrow, just the two of them. It could be the night something happened! What if they were just sitting in her basement talking and he decided to hold her hand? Or maybe even kiss her?! She knew better than to get her hopes up, but she couldn't help it.

***

Lorylyn was miserable. She'd been lying on her bed all afternoon watching TV and crying. She just wanted to curl up into a little ball and go to sleep, because maybe when she woke up everything would be okay and all this never would have happened. But of course she couldn't fall asleep, so she just lay there in despair, her box of Kleenex right by her pillow.

When the phone rang she didn't even budge. Normally she raced to the phone because it was almost always for her, but now she figured one of her friends was calling to check on her, and she didn't want to talk to anybody.

"Lorylyn!" her younger brother Ethan shouted up the stairs. "Phone!"

"Ugh," Lorylyn moaned, rolling her eyes. She didn't have the energy to yell back down and tell him she didn't want to talk, so she dragged herself into a sitting position and reached for the phone on her nightstand. "Hello?" she said dully.

"Lorylyn! Hey, it's Brady, please don't hang up!"

She had already started to, but she put the phone back to her ear and waited, glaring at the wall. She heard Ethan hang up downstairs.

"Lorylyn, _please_ let me come over so we can talk about this. _Please._ " He sounded anxious and upset.

"There's nothing to talk about," Lorylyn said listlessly.

"Yes there is. Won't you even let me explain? Please? Lorylyn, you have to give me another chance. You can't just break up with me without even hearing my side of it."

"It doesn't even matter what your _side_ of it is!" Lorylyn exploded, feeling the tears building up again. "Don't you get it, Brady? It's just the fact that you did that at all and didn't even tell me about it! It changes everything!"

"How? How does it change everything? Things can still be the exact same as they were."

"No! They can't! I thought you...I thought we...it's just different now!" She didn't know how to explain to him how much it mattered to her that he was a virgin too. How it had ruined all the romance and her idea of the perfect relationship.

"Lorylyn, I swear, I don't even care that much about sex. I'm not gonna pressure you, if that's what you're thinking. I said I won't, and I won't."

"No, it's not that." Lorylyn was sobbing now. "It's just...it was important to me that we were both..." She couldn't bring herself to say the word "virgins" to him. "But this just makes everything different now. You're not the same person to me. I thought I knew you, but I didn't."

"Lorylyn, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could go back and change it, and never have sex with her. I would do it if I could. So can't we just pretend it never happened?"

Lorylyn cringed at the mention of Brooke. "No! I'd still know it did! I just can't do this! I was so happy with you and you were, like...I don't know, I liked you a lot!" She'd been about to say "perfect." He'd been perfect. "But it's just not the same anymore. I don't know how to explain it."

"Okay, I admit I should've told you when we first started dating. I made a mistake. But you're not gonna let that break us up, are you? Come on, you know what we have is so good."

Lorylyn was sobbing. "What we _had_. We don't have it anymore. I can't be with you now, Brady."

"So we're breaking up?"

Lorylyn stared at the wall, sobbing silently.

"Come on, Lorylyn, please don't do this!" He almost sounded like he might cry too, and Lorylyn's heart twisted.

"No, Brady! Don't do this! I can't be with you right now! I just can't!" She slammed down the receiver and buried her face in her pillow.

***

Later that night, Jill was sitting at home reading a book when the phone rang around 10:30.

"Jill!" her mom yelled up the stairs. "It's Hilton!"

Jill felt a rush of excitement. Maybe there was going to be a party tonight! What else would Hilton be calling for so late?

"Hey, Hilton!" she said into her blue portable phone.

"Hey, Jill! So I ran into Todd at the school earlier when we were getting on the buses to leave for the game, and he said you wanted to do something tomorrow night? I'm in, whatever it is."

Jill inhaled sharply. _Of course! The game!_ There had been an away basketball game, and Todd would've had to go with the rest of the freshman team to watch. She was such an idiot for asking him to do something tonight! She felt relieved he hadn't been out with Blake or something, a thought that had been nagging at the back of her mind all day, but at the same time she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. He had totally misunderstood; he'd thought she wanted to do a group thing! Like what they usually did. Ugh, this sucked! But she knew she couldn't tell Hilton the truth; it was too embarrassing. Something like this would never happen to Hilton!

But Hilton rushed on without giving Jill a chance to respond. "But anyways, I wanted to call and tell you about my date with Reed last night! I was gonna call you earlier today, but he came over to my house this afternoon and we went for a walk and stuff. And he wore this stocking cap, and he looked _so_ hot! But anyways, last night was _soooo_ fun!" Her voice had an air of breathless excitement. "We went to Logan and he was so funny on the car ride, and then we had dinner at Don Pablo's, which is like, my favorite restaurant ever, and then we went ice skating at the Winter Wonderland rink! It was so romantic!"

"Oh my gosh!" Jill cried. "That's so cool!" She was completely jealous. Why, why, _why_ couldn't something like this happen to her? "So did you guys kiss or anything?"

"Oh yeah, we totally made out." Jill could practically see the satisfied grin through Hilton's voice.

"Woo _hoo_! That's awesome, Hilton! So are you guys together? He came over again today?"

"Yeah, and then I saw him at the game tonight too! He wanted to come over after, but my parents said it was too late 'cause we just got home. So whatever. But we're definitely going out again next weekend...and, yeah, he's my boyfriend!" She burst into giddy laughter.

"Yay!" Jill squealed, feeling happy for Hilton but miserable for herself.

"Yeah, he said he would do something tomorrow night with me, but they have a team dinner for basketball, then the whole varsity team's like hanging out at Trent Liechty's. But I said that was okay 'cause I already had plans with you and Todd. So who all's going? What are we doing?"

"Um...I don't really know," Jill stammered. "I just thought it'd be fun to do something. So I guess I'll call Hillary and stuff."

"Yeah, and Lorylyn; I'm sure she would wanna go out and have some fun. She could probably use a pick-up! I called her after Reed left this afternoon and she said Brady called and they broke up for good."

"I know. I talked to her tonight. But yeah! That's a good idea! We should do something for her!" Jill's spirits brightened a little. "I'll say something to her at practice tomorrow."

"Okay, awesome. Oh my gosh, Jill, Reed is so hot! And he's such a good kisser too..."

***

Hilton smiled to herself as she snuggled under her covers half an hour later. She was so glad she'd finally decided to quit obsessing over Landon and go for someone else. Reed was the first guy all year she'd liked almost as much as Landon. And obviously nothing was going to happen with Landon anytime soon. Every girl had her idea of a perfect guy, and Landon was hers. Her dream guy. But she really liked Reed too, especially after the last couple of days. And, she thought to herself now, where would I have left to go if I got my dream guy now? There'd be nothing left after that, no challenge, nothing to look forward to.

She was excited to see where things would go with Reed, and she decided to just go with the flow and take each day as it came.

***

The cheer-up-Lorylyn outing actually turned out to be okay, even though it wasn't what Jill had been wanting when she'd first called Todd. Lorylyn had grudgingly agreed to come after much persuading and pleading from Jill that morning at practice, and Hillary and Dirk came too, as did Bennett.

They ended up going to Bennett's house. Jill thought that might be awkward, but it really wasn't; the two of them basically just ignored each other, which wasn't that far off from how things had been before they dated. They made a campfire and s'mores, but it quickly got too cold, so they moved into Bennett's basement to watch movies and play euchre. Lorylyn didn't know how to play, so she sat behind Jill for a while to watch, then played a game against Jill and Todd with Bennett as her partner. She messed up several times and could never remember what the right and left bowers were, but she was at least having fun.

"Wait, so hearts is trump, right?" she asked at the beginning of one hand.

Jill, Todd, and Bennett all nodded.

"So what's the left bower, then?"

"Jack of diamonds," Todd answered.

"Oh, I have that!" Lorylyn cried excitedly. "So that's good, right?" She looked around the table as Jill and Todd cracked up laughing. "What?"

"You can't tell!" Jill gasped between breaths of laughter. "You dork! You've done that like three times now!"

"Oh!" Lorylyn giggled. "Damn it!" She pounded the table, which made both her and Jill laugh even harder.

"These girls!" Todd said teasingly, shaking his head at Bennett. "Can I switch partners?"

"Shut up!" Jill giggled, pointing at Todd. " _You_ shouldn't wanna switch partners! _You_ just got us set last hand! I was making a freaking spade on the table! How could you think that was a heart?!"

"Ah! I knew it!" Lorylyn cried, gasping for breath from laughing so hard. "I knew you were cheating!"

"You did not! You probably don't even know which one is a spade!" Jill cried, and both girls dissolved into hysterics again.

"Jill! What the fuck?!" Todd pretended to be indignant. "Thanks for telling them we cheated!" He reached across the table and roughly mussed up her hair.

"Whatever! We _didn't_ cheat! 'Cause you're too stupid!"

Jill and Lorylyn both had tears streaming down their faces now. Bennett and Todd exchanged amused looks.

"You guys are crazy! What are you even laughing about?!" Todd ruffled Jill's hair again, more gently this time. The girls were laughing too hard to even respond. "All right, dude, I think that's our cue to get the hell out of here!" Todd laughed, and he and Bennett pushed back their chairs and walked into the other room, where Hillary, Dirk, and Hilton were watching _Billy Madison_.

"That was so much fun," Lorylyn said, wiping tears from her face. "Thanks for making me come. I had such a good time."

"You're welcome." Jill reached over and hugged her. "See, it'll all be okay."

### chapter 10) playing his game

Luckily, Lorylyn and Brady's breakup and the complete fallout with Brooke coincided with the start of second semester and, therefore, the opportunity to switch lunch tables. Even though most classes weren't changing and almost everyone still had the same lunch periods, all the tables were up for grabs again on the first day back to school after break, and everyone was allowed to change seats. The first day back was a green day, and Jill and Lorylyn raced to the cafeteria from geometry to try to get a good table. Hillary was already there, standing in the middle of the room.

"There's no place!" she wailed. "Like no one changed tables!"

"Well, what are we gonna do?" Jill asked, glancing at their old table. Lindy and Andy were the only ones there so far.

"I don't know, but there is no way I'm sitting with Brady," Lorylyn declared. "I'll just sit with people I don't know."

After looking around for a couple minutes, the three girls found a vacant end of a long table. At the other end was Kara Darson, from Jill's biology class, along with two other girls they had gone to junior high with but never talked to much.

"Hey, do you guys mind if we sit here?" Hillary asked.

Kara and her friends gave them a dubious look. "Sure, I guess so," one of them finally said, not sounding overly thrilled.

"Thanks," Hillary said.

Jill's heart sank as they settled down at the table. Of course she wanted to be supportive of Lorylyn, and she couldn't really imagine sitting with Brady now either, but their old table had been so fun, and now she wouldn't be able to sit with Hilton anymore! This situation just sucked. And their new table was way at one end of the cafeteria, which sucked too. She tried to see their old table, but there were too many people moving around, and she couldn't tell who all was sitting there.

"Hey, guys!" Hilton said suddenly, tossing her blue backpack on the table and sitting down. "It took me forever to find you!"

"Hey!" Jill said, surprised and happy. "I didn't know you were gonna sit with us; we would've waited for you!"

"Of course I'm sitting with you! You think I wanna sit with Brady? Fuckin' asshole." She smiled at Lorylyn, and Lorylyn gave her a small smile back. Jill saw Kara and her friends looking at them in a sort of annoyed fashion, but she didn't care. She was so glad Hilton was sitting here now; lunch would still be fun with all four of them at this table, and she wouldn't feel like she was missing out on anything.

***

The next day, gold day, Hilton was waiting for Jill outside the cafeteria before lunch. "Hey, I was waiting for you so we can sit with Reed! He said their table's up by the pizza line."

"Oh, okay! I didn't know what we were gonna do, if we were still gonna sit with Brooke or whatever. I didn't know Reed was in this lunch. Are you sure it's okay if I sit there? Who does he sit with?"

" _Hell no_ , I'm not sitting with Brooke! What a bitch." Hilton's voice was loud, and Jill looked around for Brooke or any of her friends, surprised at Hilton's carelessness. "But yeah, of course it's okay if you sit there! He sits with some of the other guys from the varsity team."

"Like juniors and seniors?" Jill asked, intimidated. She would have no idea what to say to people like that!

"Yeah, but don't worry, it'll be cool," Hilton said with an air of confidence Jill desperately wished she herself possessed. "Come on."

Jill followed Hilton into the cafeteria and up toward the front where the various food lines were.

"There he is!" Hilton pointed. Reed was standing by a table that had about six other guys already sitting at it. Hilton skipped up to them. "Hey, baby!" she said flirtatiously, sliding under Reed's arm.

Jill stood back hesitantly. There were already eight people at this table...there wasn't going to be room for her.

"Hey, do you like, need a chair? Just pull one up," Trent Liechty, a senior starter on the basketball team whom Jill knew only by name, said in a tone that implied she was stupid for not having figured that out herself.

Jill looked around helplessly, not wanting to go ask people she didn't know for a chair.

"Hey, there's one!" Hilton pointed to a table a few feet away. Before Jill had the chance to go over and ask for the chair, Hilton had whisked over and grabbed it without asking. "They were freshmen," she said to Jill in explanation, presenting her with the chair.

" _We're_ freshmen," Jill replied.

Hilton gave her a shameless smile. "Not when we're sitting with the varsity basketball team." She winked and took her seat next to Reed.

Jill stared at her with an open-mouthed smile, wishing once more she had Hilton's aura of self-assurance and outgoingness.

***

Over at Hilton and Jill's old table, Brooke, Cassidy, and Ashley sat by themselves. Brooke laid her chin on her arms in front of her.

"Guys, what should I do?" she moaned. "Brady is so pissed at me! That's so not how I wanted that to turn out! Do you think it was really bitchy that I told Lorylyn?"

"No," Ashley said with a shrug. "I mean, that probably wasn't the _best_ way to tell her..." She grinned and got a small smile out of Brooke as well. "But," Ashley continued, "she deserves to know her boyfriend's past! I mean I'm sure she had all these ideas of him being some virginal little goody-goody mama's boy or something. She's _so_ naive. I mean, please! She _had_ to get a wake-up call! So really, you were just helping her out. Like a little 'Welcome to the real world, little girl' type of thing."

"Yeah!" Brooke said, pounding the table emphatically with her palm. "Exactly! But now Brady totally hates me! And I've gotta get him back, you guys! I mean, you know how cute we were together, right?" Her dark brown eyes exuded a look of despair.

"Yeah, you guys were so, just, _right_ together," Cassidy agreed. "They just never had what you guys had. I mean, she's like, too innocent for _any_ guy at this school!"

The three of them laughed.

"Well," Brooke said, a new gleam in her eye, "that settles it! I'm gonna get him back! I just may have to play _his_ game for a while to get what I want in the end." She smiled mysteriously at Cassidy's and Ashley's confused looks and didn't offer any further explanation.

***

That afternoon Lorylyn hurried out of SRT, relieved the day was finally over. The last two days had been long and lonely. She couldn't concentrate in class; her thoughts were filled with Brady. How stupid he'd made her feel, how humiliated she'd been at the party, and, as much as she tried to suppress them, images of him and Brooke. But even worse were the memories of all the dates Lorylyn had had with him, all the sweet things he'd said or done, that cute curl falling in front of his eyes as he flashed her his charming smile, the way he kissed her, and how much she missed all that. She had come to like him so much, and high school felt empty without him now. Most of the time she sat in class trying not to cry. She'd thought he was perfect; why did everything they'd had together have to end now? It was so unfair!

She pushed blindly through the throng of people in the hallway, just wanting to get to her locker and then to gymnastics practice, where she could talk to Jill.

"Lorylyn!"

Everything inside her jumbled spastically as she came to a complete stop and then turned. She hadn't realized how much she'd been dying to hear his voice.

"Hey!" Brady said, jogging across the hall to join her. "You ran out of there so fast I almost missed you!"

Lorylyn was silent, praying for her insides to calm down and let her think straight. She knew she should still be pissed, and she was; just looking at him made all the hurt come back. But it also brought another feeling...the possibility of everything being right again.

"Hey, so I know you're on your way to practice, and I know you don't wanna talk to me, but I'm not gonna give up on us just like that, Lorylyn. I'm gonna keep trying, 'cause I really like you, and I wanna get back together. Do you think there's any way you'd have time to talk later tonight? Or just anytime this week?" His hopeful eyes made him look like a little puppy. Lorylyn felt herself melting.

"Um...I guess you could come over tonight, if you wanted," she said, hearing her own words from outside her body, as if someone else had spoken them.

"Really?" Brady seemed surprised she'd agreed so easily. She felt as surprised as he looked. "Okay, that'd be great! I'll be over around eight, okay? Thank you so much! I'll see you then!" And he was off before she could change her mind.

Lorylyn stared after him for a second, then shook herself and started walking again, much more slowly this time. What just happened? What are you thinking?! she asked herself. But even as she thought it, she couldn't stop the feeling of anticipation creeping into her body. Brady's coming over tonight! she thought. It'll be sort of like normal, like none of this ever happened!

***

By that night, Lorylyn had had a lot more time to think, and she was nervous about Brady coming over. She still wished things could go back to normal, but there was just no way that was possible. Because every time she thought about being back together with him, she couldn't get past how hurt she was, and she also knew deep down it wouldn't be the same to her as it'd been before, now that she knew he wasn't a virgin.

When he got there, she led him to the living room. The rest of her family was upstairs. Brady sat down on the couch, and Lorylyn curled up anxiously on the loveseat, hugging the pillow and waiting for him to say something.

"Thanks so much for letting me come over," Brady began, meeting her gaze directly. "I'm so glad we can finally talk." Then he looked away. "I've missed you so much, babe. I miss just talking to you and walking with you at school. I just wanna be around you."

Lorylyn bit her lip, trying as hard as she could not to cry. The tears were welling up right behind her eyelids. Brady looked back at her, and she had to turn her head.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I miss that stuff, but I don't even deserve to have it. It serves me right, I guess. I know I messed up, Lorylyn. I messed up big time. But I want you to know that it was before I even met you, and Brooke means nothing to me. Nothing. I'm serious. I mean, I'm not saying that I would just have random sex....I don't know how to explain this. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea. I liked her at the time. But this year she's become kind of a pretty big bitch. I never really even talk to her anymore. And what I said on the phone was true. If I could take it back I would. 'Cause if you ever decided some day down the road that you wanted to have sex with me, I'd want our first time...to be my first time."

Lorylyn couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They spilled over, running down her face in rivulets. She covered her face with her hands and pulled her knees up to her chest, crying silently. That's what she wanted too! Why, why, _why_ did things have to be the way they were? She felt helpless.

"What'd I say? What was it? I'm sorry!" Brady leaned forward anxiously on the couch.

Lorylyn finally looked up and dried her eyes with her sleeve. "Nothing. It's just...that's what I would've wanted too." She burst into tears again, burying her face in her knees.

The next thing she knew, Brady was beside her, stroking her hair. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "So sorry. That's why you were so upset, wasn't it?"

Lorylyn made no response.

"I'm so sorry, Lor. I guess I understand now why you wanted to break up. I feel like shit. I'm so sorry."

"It's not that I wanted to break up," she sobbed. "It's just that I couldn't imagine being together anymore. And I still can't."

"Isn't there any way?" Brady asked. "Any way you could still see us being together?"

"I don't think so. Not right now." She kept her face buried.

"Well, could we at least hang out? 'Cause I miss you so much. Like just hang out like we did, but not be together?"

"I don't know. Maybe," Lorylyn sniffled, wondering if that could work. His suggestion gave her hope, because maybe they wouldn't have to totally lose what they'd had. They _did_ have so much fun together. She looked up at him. "I guess so," she agreed.

"Sweet." He looked relieved and smiled at her. "So do you wanna do something this weekend? Like Saturday? Lunch maybe, or dinner?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Lorylyn said, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by everything. "But I think you should leave now. This is just a lot, you know..."

"Yeah, I understand." Brady stroked her hair one last time, then stood up. "Thanks again for letting me come over; thanks so much." He reached down for a brief second and touched her face. "I'm so glad we got to talk, and that you still wanna hang out. 'Cause I really still like you, Lorylyn. A lot."

"I'm glad too," she said, offering him a small, tear-stained smile as he headed for the front door. "Bye, Brady."

"Bye, Lor."

***

The next day when she entered Spanish class, Brooke eagerly slid into her seat next to Brady in the back row. They were seats chosen at the beginning of the year, and Brady hadn't so much as looked at her Monday; they'd really barely talked since Halloween when they had their first blow-up at Landon's. Today that was all going to change, Brooke thought determinedly.

"Hey, Brady," she said amiably as she dropped her bag on the floor and propped her chin on her hand, looking in his direction.

"Hey," Brady said uninterestedly, only turning toward her for a split second.

Brooke reached out and touched his arm. "Oh, come on, Brady. Look, I'm really, really sorry, okay? I was really drunk and I know I made a huge mistake and you were right to be so pissed at me. But it's been like a week now. Can't you please forgive me?"

Just then their teacher entered the room with her book in her hand and called for silence as she started writing verbs on the board for the class to conjugate.

Brooke rolled her eyes and removed her hand from Brady's arm. Settling back in her seat, she pulled a piece of notebook paper loose and started to write in big loopy letters.

Brady,

I'm so sorry about New Year's and Halloween and I know I was being all drama and you're right, I was jealous I guess. But I'm all over that now, and I'm starting to realize maybe your approach to the whole thing is the way to go...if you know what I mean. Remember when we parked behind the pool supply place...I have a real hot tub at my house...

P.S. My parents will be out of town all weekend

She folded the piece of paper three times and tossed it on his desk without a sideward glance. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Brady glance at her, then pick the note up and unfold it. After a minute he took a pencil from behind his ear and scribbled something on the paper, then tossed it back to her.

She could tell he was watching her, but she was too nervous to look at him because she knew if he rejected her they were done; she could never bear the humiliation. She'd taken a chance and put herself out there because it was the only option she had left, and ever since she'd tossed him the note her stomach had been turning over in huge tidal waves. At least now, even if it was a rejection, _she_ would have the note, and he couldn't show it to his friends. It was a small consolation.

Trying to convey nonchalance, she reached out casually and took the note off her desk. Holding it on her lap and leaning back in her chair, she unfolded it, still not looking at him.

Hell yes I remember the pool supply place. Your hot tub, huh? Sounds damn good to me. Sat. night? Nice shirt btw, your boobs look huge.

Brooke looked up and finally met Brady's gaze, a huge smile spreading across her face. There was a mischievous look in his chocolate eyes, and as they shared a delighted smile, she felt that connection she'd missed for so long click right back into place.

***

After class Brady rushed to catch her as she was leaving the room and put his hand on her arm. She turned to him with a playful smile.

"Hey, don't tell anyone about this," he whispered. " 'Cause I went over to Lorylyn's last night, and we're still trying to work stuff out, you know."

Brooke stared and quickly suppressed the urge to slap him in the face and walk away. She quickly plastered the smile back on her face. "Don't worry, hon. Of course I won't tell." She licked her lips slightly, gave him a sassy wink, and walked away with her hips swaying confidently, knowing he was staring after her, checking out her ass.

Even as she made sure to put on a show for him, she rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe he was still trying to work things out with Lorylyn! But you can't be upset about that! she told herself. You just offered him sex with no strings attached and told him you were over all the drama; you _have_ to hold up to that. She narrowed her eyes. But he'll eventually see..., she thought, he'll eventually see that Lorylyn's a straight-laced little prude and he should really be with me. And the whole time he's trying to get her back, I'll be holding this nice little secret over her head: he's _fucking me_!

Her smile back in place, she continued her assured stride down the hallway. But as hard as it would be, she knew that this time, she couldn't let anything leak out to Lorylyn or anyone else, because then Brady would definitely end things for good. And that was okay, she decided. She could handle not telling anyone, because it would be nice for her and Brady to have their own little secret.

### chapter 11) the people who don't come to the dances

Jill's new obsession was _Dawson's Creek_. It premiered on a night Jill and Lorylyn had an away gymnastics meet, so they taped it and watched it at Jill's after the meet. From the first episode, Jill was drawn in by Dawson Leery and Joey Potter's best-friend relationship, their sleepovers, and the more-than-friends feelings Joey seemed to have for Dawson but he didn't appear to reciprocate. She sympathized with Joey and at the same time envied her, because Jill longed to be as close to Todd as Joey was to Dawson. Sleeping over at each other's houses in the same bed, practically being part of each other's families, Joey climbing a ladder into Dawson's bedroom that was there specially for her...it was exactly what Jill wanted. She watched religiously every week, always agonizing over Dawson's relationship with Jen and pulling for him to get together with Joey.

Ever since school had started back up after Christmas, Jill and Todd had fallen back into their old routine of joking around and goofing off, and he had never brought up the subject of his parents again. Things with Bennett were back to "normal" in English too; he and Jill sat by each other because of Todd but never really talked. It was like they'd never been boyfriend and girlfriend, and that was fine with Jill. She desperately tried to think of ways to talk to Todd alone and bring up his parents, and every day that went by without the two of them talking about anything more personal than how they'd done in basketball or gymnastics the previous night made Jill feel like they were never going to have that kind of close relationship Joey and Dawson or the characters on _Friends_ had. She wanted it more than anything; at this point she wanted it more than she wanted to be Todd's girlfriend, but she had no idea how to make it happen. None of her girlfriends really had it either, because the guys they hung out with constantly were their boyfriends rather than their best friends, and they hadn't ever been best friends before they started dating, either. That made Jill feel a little better, but it didn't stop her from wanting that type of relationship.

And she hardly ever saw Todd on the weekends anymore because he always had to go to the JV and varsity games for basketball. Jill and Lorylyn went to watch the away games sometimes, if one of their parents could take them, but it's not like they got to talk to the players. After all the home games there were dances, which Jill absolutely loved, but Todd never went to them. Jill still had a great time dancing with Hilton and Lorylyn; Hillary sat out in the commons with Dirk the whole time, if she came at all. Dirk didn't like dances, and if he didn't come, it meant Hillary didn't come. Jill found that irritating, but whatever.

Jill and Hilton and Lorylyn would dance in their own little circle, sometimes joined by Cassidy and Sam or by Lindy and Amy from the gymnastics team. Jill still hated Sam, especially after the way she hadn't shown Lorylyn any support on New Year's, but Lorylyn had never said anything about it, and Jill didn't want to point it out and just make Lorylyn depressed again or something. Lorylyn never hung out with Sam one-on-one anymore either though.

Jill, Hilton, and Lorylyn's favorite songs were "Baby Got Back," "Love Shack," and "Ice, Ice Baby," and if they were out in the commons talking when one of those came on, the three of them would squeal and grab each other's arms and run into the cafeteria. On slow dances Jill was always relieved Lorylyn had broken up with Brady because she had someone to sit out in the commons with and didn't have to feel dumb. Sometimes Reed's friends would ask Jill and Lorylyn to dance, which was always fun, because they would dance near Hilton and Reed and all talk to each other throughout the song.

Jill was a little more comfortable with Reed's older friends now after sitting with them at lunch for a while, although she was always reserved at lunch and didn't really say much unless someone said something to her. The guys were fun; she just still didn't feel like she fit into their social circle because she was so much younger. Reed didn't hang out with Landon or the other sophomores who played JV very often; his closest friends were the varsity players. Landon didn't come to many dances either.

Brady had come to the dances before Christmas because Lorylyn liked to go, but he hadn't been to any since they'd broken up. The first Tuesday back to school after break, Jill knew he had waited for Lorylyn after class and asked again to have a chance to talk to her. Lorylyn had agreed to let him come over that night, and she told Jill he seemed really sorry and upset, but she just still couldn't imagine having him as her boyfriend again after what she'd found out on New Year's. The following weekend Lorylyn and Brady had gone out to lunch, and she said he'd basically begged her to give him another chance. She admitted to Jill she'd really been missing him and had enjoyed hanging out with him that week, so she told him she'd think about it, but she wanted him to leave her alone and give her a chance to do it. Since then they hadn't talked. Since he didn't play basketball or go to the dances, Jill had no idea what he did on weekends now.

Jill was surprised to see that Brooke was another person who seldom came to dances. She would've imagined Brooke right in the center of the action and starting drama every time. But the couple times Brooke did come, she was fairly low-key and stayed away from Lorylyn. Hilton and Hillary said Brooke seemed to have mellowed out at cheerleading too, and was back to the friendly, fun girl she'd been when Jill first met her. She had started flipping Hilton and Jill the nose signal again whenever she passed them in the hallways, something she hadn't done since New Year's. There was no more of the maliciousness, no more of the hushed secrets whispered devilishly to Lindy during surprise appearances at gymnastics practice or wherever else Lorylyn was present. But Jill, Hilton, and Hillary had a hard time seeing a lot of good in Brooke's change of attitude; they figured she was happy because Lorylyn and Brady had broken up and she might have a chance. They didn't know what had happened when Brady took Brooke out in the hall on New Year's, but Brooke had come back in looking upset, and none of the girls had seen her with Brady during school since then.

Despite the signs Brooke and Brady were fighting, Jill was inexplicably dreading the day they'd all find out Brooke and Brady were actually dating. She just had a bad feeling wherever Brooke was concerned, and especially now that Lorylyn had asked Brady to leave her alone, he might get tired of waiting for her decision and go on another date with Brooke or something.

***

One day the last week of January, Jill was walking alone in the hallway where some of the sophomore lockers were, on her way from biology to English, when she saw Brooke and Brady approaching from the other direction. They were walking close together and talking and laughing. As they reached Brady's locker and he stopped in front of it, Brooke squeezed his arm lightly and kept walking but turned backwards to finish whatever she was saying. Then she spun around and strode quickly down the hall in the direction she'd originally been headed, a contented smile on her face. She didn't see Jill as she passed.

That day in geometry Lorylyn passed Jill a note.

I'm thinking about getting back together with Brady. He came over again last night and it was so fun. I miss him. We have to talk about it at lunch. You guys have to help me decide what to do.

At lunch Hillary just rolled her eyes when Lorylyn told them she was considering taking Brady back. "It's about time, Lor!"

Jill rolled her eyes at the end of the table so no one could see. Hillary was so annoying about this whole thing!

"That's awesome!" Hilton exclaimed, clapping her hands. "What made you decide that?"

"Well, he came over last night, 'cause he called and said he knew he was supposed to leave me alone, but he missed hanging out. So I let him come over, and we just watched a movie and talked a little and stuff, and he didn't ask what my decision was, and I was glad 'cause I felt like he was respecting me and not pressuring me, you know? And it was _so_ fun, and he's _so_ hot, and I miss hanging out with him, you guys!"

"Well, that's great then!" Hilton said enthusiastically. "It sounds like he really wants you back. You should go for it if that's what you want."

"Yeah, I mean, I haven't decided for sure, and we have a meet tonight, but I think I might call him tomorrow." Lorylyn gave the girls a grateful smile, then giggled. "I'm so glad you guys think I should get back together with him! I'm so excited!"

***

After geometry, instead of walking with Lorylyn like normal, Jill said she had to go to the bathroom and raced instead to wait outside Hilton's fourth-period classroom.

"Hilton!" Jill hissed as Hilton approached. "I have to tell you something! I didn't wanna say anything to Lorylyn, but I saw Brady and Brooke walking together in the hall today! And they were like standing really close and laughing and touching! So I don't know what to think! You haven't heard about them going on any more dates or anything, have you?"

"No," Hilton said, shaking her head. "I'm _sure_ I would've heard if they did. She'd make it very well-known. I bet it was nothing. Probably just them being friends, like always, but he obviously wants Lorylyn, 'cause he's trying pretty hard to get her back."

"Yeah, but do you think we should say anything to her? 'Cause I don't know if she's really thought about that, like him being friends with Brooke and how much that might bother her when they're going out. I mean, I don't think she knows him and Brooke have been hanging out. I didn't really know until today if they were or not. I just have a bad feeling about Brooke. I don't trust her!"

"Yeah, me neither." Hilton frowned. "I think I might bring it up to Lorylyn. Like just ask her if she knows if they hang out at all and how she feels about it."

"Okay, good idea. I just don't want her to get hurt again." Jill was relieved Hilton was going to take care of it, because Hilton always knew the right thing to say to people, whereas Jill would've had no idea how to approach the subject without upsetting Lorylyn.

***

Three hours later, Jill was already on the bus to go to the gymnastics meet when Lorylyn rushed on, looking distressed, and tossed her bag into the seat across the aisle from Jill.

"Have you seen Brooke and Brady together lately? Like at school or anything?" she asked, a pained expression in her big dark eyes.

"Yeah...I saw them walking in the hall together," Jill said reluctantly, afraid Hilton had told Lorylyn what Jill had seen and Lorylyn was mad because Jill hadn't told her earlier.

"You did? When?"

"Um...it was today actually." Jill wished she knew what Hilton had told Lorylyn!

"Really?" Lorylyn's shoulders slumped. "Hilton said she saw them together today too! What were they doing? I mean, did they look, you know, couple-y or anything?"

"Um, no, not really. They were just walking together, and then Brady stopped at his locker and Brooke kept walking."

"Oh. Well, I don't know what to think! That makes me so mad at him! I just don't understand! How can he want me back but still be friends with her? He told me when he came over that Tuesday night, right after school started back up, you know, that Brooke meant nothing to him and the sex thing was before he even met me, and that she's turned into a bitch lately and he doesn't even talk to her anymore! And when he came over the other night he didn't mention her at all! He didn't tell me they were friends again!"

"He said it was before he met you that he had sex with Brooke?" Jill was almost sure that had to be a lie, because Brooke had told them at lunch back in September or October that she'd gone on a date with Brady and they'd done more than make out. So it _had_ to be since he'd known Lorylyn.

"Yeah, why?" Lorylyn looked confused.

Jill shook her head quickly. "No reason really." She couldn't tell Lorylyn about Brooke and Brady's date now, because Lorylyn would be mad she hadn't said anything a long time ago. "I don't know though, Lor...I'd be really careful about getting back with him. I mean, I think you should ask him about Brooke. 'Cause he told you he wasn't friends with her anymore, so if he is now, that's okay, but he should tell you. 'Cause if you're considering taking him back you deserve to have all the info."

"Yeah, I know. Ugh, this just sucks! I was all ready to get back together with him and now she has to mess things up again!"

"Yeah, that sucks. I would ask him and see what he says."

"Yeah, I will, that's what Hilton said to do too."

As Jill settled back in her seat, she felt as if a red light were flashing in her head. _WARNING! WARNING! Brady's a liar!_ But, she rationalized, maybe he just told Lorylyn it was before he met her so she wouldn't worry. I mean, the exact date doesn't really matter as long as it didn't mean anything to him, and he probably just lied so she wouldn't worry about it being so close to the time he asked her to the Homecoming dance...right? That was what really confused Jill though. Brady must've already been thinking about asking Lorylyn to the dance when he slept with Brooke....How could he sleep with one person when he liked another? She still didn't have a good feeling about Brady.

### chapter 12) the pantry

The next day in Jill's SRT they had a substitute teacher. Jill was thrilled because the sub didn't care what they did and even let them talk and move around the room.

"So do you know what happened with Lorylyn and Brady?" Hilton asked Jill.

"No, all I know is she was gonna talk to him and ask him what's going on with Brooke."

"Yeah, that's all I know too. I don't have a good feeling about that boy. Something weird's going on with him."

"Yeah, I totally agree."

"Where's Todd?"

Jill shrugged. "I have no clue. I don't know if he's here today at all or not; this is my only class with him today."

"You didn't see him at lunch or anything?"

"No, they sit so far away; I never see him unless I happen to see him going up to get his food or something. It's always so crowded."

"Maybe he's at the trainer or something."

"Yeah, maybe. I don't think he's hurt at all or anything though. They're not having the baseball callout today, are they?"

"No, it's next week, Reed said."

"Oh."

Just then the door opened, and an office messenger came in and delivered a slip of paper to the substitute.

"Jill Sherer?" the sub read off the slip, looking questioningly around the room.

Jill frowned at Hilton, who shrugged. Jill stood up and went to the front of the room to take the slip. She'd never been called out of class before. Something for gymnastics, maybe? She hoped she wasn't in trouble!

She took the slip and frowned at it. At the top there was a line stating, _Please report to the following office:_ and a place to check _principal (Madden), asst. principal (Clarksdale), asst. principal (Hooper), dean (Preston), guidance, attendance, nurse, or athletic_. All those were blank. Underneath was a line that said, _Please report to room _________._ In the blank, _1111_ was written in red pen. Jill knew the 1100 hallway was down by the gyms. Maybe it was for gymnastics. But the scrawled signature looked like it said _Stetson_. Mr. Stetson? The freshman basketball coach? He was a gym teacher, but he wasn't even her gym teacher. Huh, weird.

She gave Hilton a confused look and mouthed "Mr. Stetson," as she headed for the door. Hilton gave her a slight shrug in return and shook her head. Jill left the room and walked quickly toward the gym. Maybe she had left something there last period and Mr. Stetson had found it? But if she left something it would've been in the locker room, and why would he be in the girls' locker room?

It took her a little while to find room 1111 because it was actually inside room 1110, which was the PE department office, and 1111 appeared to be a smaller office. The door was closed, and room 1110 was deserted. Jill knocked hesitantly.

"Come in," said a muffled voice.

Jill slowly swung the door inward and stepped into the room. "Todd?" she said in surprise. "What's going on?"

Todd was sitting in an oversized computer chair at the desk in the small, drab office, playing solitaire on the computer. No one else was in the room. Todd turned and lifted his chin in greeting.

He looks so cute today, Jill thought. Cuddly and huggable. He had on an oversized gray BC basketball sweatshirt and faded jeans, and she had an overwhelming desire just to be touching him.

"Hey, Jilly. Nothin's really goin' on." He looked back at the computer screen. "I just didn't really feel like goin' to SRT today, so I told Stetson at the end of gym that I felt like shit, and he told me I could just stay in his office and rest up for the game. He called down and got me excused. And he had these passes laying on his desk, so I sent one for you." He gestured absentmindedly in the direction of a pad of green tear-off passes like the one Jill had received.

"Um...okay," Jill said, puzzled, but thrilled he had wanted her to come join him. "So Stetson doesn't even know you sent it?"

"Nah, but he wouldn't care anyways. He doesn't give a shit."

"Well that's cool. So you're not really sick then? You just didn't feel like going to SRT? It's actually sweet today; we have a sub."

"Oh. Well fuck, guess I picked the wrong day to miss. But nah, I'm not sick." He finished his game and wheeled around in the chair to face Jill. "Just kinda fuckin' depressed about my parents, you know?"

_Oooohhh._ Jill made a sympathetic face. "Are they still in counseling?"

"Yep."

"Are things getting any better at all?"

"Nope, not that I can tell. I mean, I don't fuckin' know I guess, 'cause I never realized anything was wrong in the first place. But now it's like they avoid each other around the house. I just don't get it. 'Cause if they're going to counseling, doesn't that mean they wanna work shit out? I mean, that's what you said, right? But then they come home and avoid each other?" His brown eyes pleaded with Jill's, looking for an answer.

Jill shook her head helplessly. "That's really weird," she said. "You're right though, I mean I don't think they'd go to counseling at all if they didn't wanna work things out. Maybe it's just that the counseling is so intense they need some space at home. Or maybe their therapist _wants_ them to avoid, like, interacting except when they're in counseling. 'Cause without her being there to intervene, they might get in a big fight or something and ruin the progress they've made with her."

"Maybe," Todd said doubtfully. "It's just so _weird_!"

"Yeah. Have they talked to you about it at all?"

"Well they told me about it before they started counseling; well actually my mom told me about it. She said they were having some 'minor issues' and they were gonna try counseling and see if that would help things, and that I shouldn't worry, but she just wanted me to know."

"Well that sounds like a good sign then."

"Yeah, but they haven't said anything really since they started, and they've been four times, and now it's like so tense around the house I'm like afraid to ask, ya know?"

"Yeah, that would be hard. I don't really know what to tell you. Are you close with your parents?"

"More with my mom, I guess. I mean, my dad's gone a lot 'cause he has to travel for business and stuff. But he hasn't had to go on a trip since they started counseling. I almost wish he would, you know? 'Cause then it wouldn't be so tense around our house."

"Yeah, I totally understand. You don't have any brothers or sisters, do you?"

"Nope."

Jill fell silent. She didn't know what to say because she'd never experienced anything like this, and none of her close friends had been through a divorce either. "I don't know," she said finally. "I wish there was something I could say to help. But I think you just have to wait it out and see what happens, 'cause it's their relationship and there's nothing you can do to control it. And I think the thing to remember is they _are_ in counseling, so they wanna make it work, and you just have to hope and pray for the best. But if your dad does go out of town, I'd ask your mom about it. 'Cause you deserve to know what's going on."

Todd nodded. "Yeah. Jilly, do you pray?"

Jill was surprised by the question. When she'd said "hope and pray," she hadn't really meant literally pray; she'd just been using the expression. "Well, yeah. I mean, I go to church and stuff. And I pray before I go to bed usually."

"What kind of stuff do you pray for?"

"Um, like my family and friends, and just for all of us to be safe and healthy and happy, and then if there's anything specific going on I might pray for that."

"Well, pray for me if you think of it. 'Cause I don't know what I'd do if my parents got a divorce." Todd put his head in his hands. "I know that's stupid 'cause it happens all the time, but I just don't think I'd handle it that well." He sounded like he might cry.

Jill's heart broke for him. She felt tears well up in her eyes. She reached out and rubbed his arm lightly. "Of course I will, Todd."

He looked up and gave her a small smile, but his eyes were shining. "Thanks, Jilly. Come here." He stood up and pulled her into a playful hug, picking her feet up off the ground and making her squeal.

"Put me down!" Jill giggled. She remembered what her mom had said about him feeling vulnerable after putting all his emotions out in the open and figured he was probably trying to be silly now to cover it up. But that was okay. She was honored he'd talked to her about it again, and she'd never felt so close to him.

She laughed again as he set her on her feet and flashed him a smile. He smiled back, his normal teasing smile, but when their eyes locked there was something deeper than humor there, and they held the look for a few seconds. It was Todd who looked away first.

"So let's do something fun," he said.

"Like what?"

"I don't know...let's get the hell out of here and go somewhere."

"Todd, we can't!"

"Why not?"

"We can't just leave!"

"Okay, then think of something fun to do here."

"I don't know..." Jill struggled to think of something, anything.

"Let's get some food at least. I'm starving." He pushed his chair out of the way and headed for the door.

"Stetson won't care if you leave?"

"Hell no, I told you he doesn't give a shit. And if anyone asks you, just take your pass and say Stetson sent us somewhere to get something for him."

"Okay," Jill said, excited. Todd made her want to be bad, to break the rules. She would've loved to leave school with him, but there was no way she was that brave. Leaving the office she could handle. She was already feeling a thrill just because she was skipping SRT with a fake pass.

They left Stetson's office and turned into the long hallway beside the varsity gym. When they reached the far end, Todd pushed open the door to the lobby between the two gyms, where the vending machines were. The area was deserted. Todd dug in his pocket and fished out some change.

"Twinkies?" he asked Jill.

"No, I don't have any money with me."

"I'm buying."

"Okay. Cookies, then." She pointed, and Todd punched in the correct letter and number.

"We should go in the locker room and smoke pot," he said as they wandered slowly back down the hallway, munching on their snacks.

"Todd!" Jill looked at him, wide-eyed.

"Oh, come on, Jill, I'm just kidding." He shoved her into the wall. "You're so uptight."

Jill frowned. She didn't want him to think that; what an insult! "No I'm not!" she protested.

"Whatever, you need to loosen up a little."

"Fine," she said. "What do you want me to do?"

"Don't get so defensive. I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"No, I'm not getting defensive. But I'm not uptight."

Todd swung his arm around her and pulled her roughly to him, making her stumble a little. "I'm sorry, Jilly. I love you. I didn't mean it."

Jill's stomach flipped, and she kept her head down so he couldn't see her face. He was just joking around, but still, he'd said he loved her!

She was still feeling slighted by his uptight comment though, and she was determined to prove him wrong. "It's okay," she said. "So what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. I'm not going back in that office though. It's too cramped. I wish we could go lay down somewhere. Oh, I know! Come on." He grabbed her arm and began walking quickly around to the other side of the gym.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He entered the narrow hallway on the other side of the varsity gym, led her halfway down it, then pushed open a door on the left that led to another small, dimly lit hallway. Jill had never been on this side of the gym before; the girls' locker rooms were on the other side. Halfway down the hallway on the right was an entrance to the boys' locker rooms, and on the other side of the hall was a door that read SUPPLIES. Todd kept walking toward a door at the end of the hallway.

He pushed the door open and glanced quickly around. Jill tried to look over his shoulder into the room, but she couldn't see anything.

"We're good," Todd said, opening the door all the way and stepping inside. After Jill was in, he closed the door and locked it.

"Why are you locking the door?!"

"So nobody comes in here and finds us!"

"What is this place?" Jill looked around the room and was surprised at its size. It was kind of dreary-looking, but there was a large TV in one corner, two inviting couches, and two recliners. On the other side of the room was a microwave, a coffee-maker, and a full-sized refrigerator.

"It's the coaches' lounge," Todd said with a grin. "Pretty sweet, huh?"

"How'd you know about it?"

"This is where we come to watch tapes from the games."

"What were you gonna do if somebody was in here?!"

Todd shrugged carelessly. "Just tell them Stetson sent me to look for a tape he thought he left."

Jill smiled. "Good one." Then she thought of something. "Don't the coaches have keys? They can probably still get in even though you locked it."

"Huh. Good point. Well, I guess we'll just worry about that if it happens." Todd strode over to one of the couches, plopped down, and flipped on the TV using the remote.

Jill threw her empty cookie package in the wastebasket and sat in one of the chairs.

"Anything special you wanna watch?" Todd asked.

"No, I don't care." This is _so fun_! Jill thought. She loved the feeling in her stomach she got from sneaking around with Todd. Something about the situation made her think of Brooke and Brady and the way she'd seen them look at each other last fall. She'd always envied those looks because it seemed like they had some exciting secret. Now I kind of have one with Todd! she thought.

All of a sudden, someone turned the doorknob from outside. Jill's panicked eyes flew to the door, then to Todd. Todd's eyes were wide too, but there was a mischievous gleam in them. With his finger over his lips to tell her to keep silent, he grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the chair toward a tall, thin cupboard next to the fridge.

"The pantry," he mouthed, grinning. His lips were practically on her ear, and she felt a thrill pass through her body. As she heard keys jingle outside the door the thrill multiplied, and she was surprised to discover it wasn't in a bad way. She didn't feel panic so much as... _exhilaration_. The combination of Todd standing so close to her and the risk of getting caught was... _awesome_! She realized if they were caught in here with the door locked, the excuse of Stetson sending them here for a tape would no longer be plausible...it would look like they'd come here to fool around!

Todd pulled the door of the pantry open, and they were faced with a shelf that was only about five feet high. Under the shelf were several rolled posters that stood almost as tall as the shelf. Jill figured they were the basketball team posters that were plastered all around school and in the windows of local businesses. She widened her eyes at Todd. How were they ever going to fit?! She heard the keys jingle again and grabbed onto Todd without thinking.

He shoved her into the pantry and she ducked to avoid hitting her head, scrunching as far against one side as she could. Todd piled in after her, smacking his head against the shelf.

"Fuck!" he cursed as he pulled the door shut.

Jill covered her mouth to suppress a wild giggle threatening to escape. Then she grabbed Todd's arm in an attempt to pull him farther inside the pantry so the door would close.

Finally he managed to get it almost all the way shut, but he had to keep holding onto the handle so it wouldn't fly back open. He and Jill were facing each other, and their bodies were pressed tightly together. Her head was scrunched under the shelf over his right shoulder and her arms were squished between their stomachs. Todd was still holding the door handle with his left hand, but he freed his right arm from between his leg and the wall and put it around Jill's waist to maneuver himself into a more steady position. In the process he banged his head on the underside of the shelf again and swore silently.

Jill tried as hard as she could to keep from bursting into hysterics, and when Todd looked at her, he was grinning too. Jill yanked her hand from between their bodies to cover her mouth before a laugh escaped. Moving her hand threw her off balance, and her shoulder lurched toward the door.

Todd, without removing his hand from the door handle, used his upper arm to push her shoulder back. "Put your arms around me," he mouthed.

Jill slowly moved her hands around his stomach and braced them on his sides, careful not to lose her balance again. In doing so, her body automatically pressed even tighter against his, and she couldn't look at him because she was afraid he'd be able to tell how attracted she was to him. There. It was easier to stand now. Her head was still tilted to the side though, and she was scrunched over. When she finally looked at Todd, he was still grinning, and she grinned back.

"Can you hear anything?" he mouthed.

Jill shook her head and tried to listen hard. Nothing. She'd been so worried about getting into the pantry she hadn't even heard anyone come into the lounge. All she could think about was Todd's body against hers. She wondered if he was thinking about the same thing.

All of a sudden he brought his face down to hers and looked her right in the eyes.

Her eyes widened, and she was sure he was going to kiss her. Her heart thumped rapidly. But he just stayed there, staring at her, and now she could've sworn he was teasing her. She felt extremely uncomfortable and wanted to look away, but his eyes were like magnets. She stared into them, a look of uncertainty in her own brown eyes.

Then, if it was possible, he moved his face even closer to hers, so that their noses almost brushed, then suddenly he bent down and bit her neck.

She gasped and stopped herself from crying out just in time. She glared at him, her eyes wide. What the hell was he thinking?! He had almost made her yell, and then they would've been caught! His eyes laughed at her gleefully.

All of a sudden she heard the door to the lounge close, and it sounded like a key turned in the lock. She looked at Todd questioningly.

He waited a few seconds. Silence. He pushed the door open a crack and tried to peer out, but he lost his balance and tumbled all the way out, tripping across the room and running into the couch.

His fall had thrown Jill off balance too, and she stumbled out after him. They both glanced at the empty room, then looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Oh my gosh, Todd!" Jill lunged at him, slapping his upper arm. "What the hell were you doing?! You almost made me scream in there!"

Todd doubled over in laughter. "Oh, holy shit, that was freaking hilarious. You were so freaked out 'cause you thought I was gonna kiss you! You should've seen your face! You would've thought I was some hideous freakin' _mon_ ster or something!"

"Shut up!" Jill cried, practically sighing with relief that he hadn't been able to tell how much she'd _wanted_ him to kiss her. "I didn't know what you were doing! But I was SO close to screaming when you bit me! You're so freaking lucky!" Todd just kept laughing, and Jill hit him playfully on the top of the head. "Shut up, that so wouldn't have been funny!"

"Shit. That was awesome. You can't tell me that wasn't awesome."

Jill giggled. "Yeah, it was."

"See, it's fun to break the rules," Todd said, putting his arm around her and rubbing his knuckles over the top of her head.

"Stop it!" Jill squealed, ducking out from under his arm. "I hate that!"

Todd plopped back down on the couch. "We've gotta do this more often. We should start skipping SRT."

Jill returned to her recliner, feeling like she was floating on air. This was by far the best day of high school yet.

### chapter 13) reasonable explanations

"So what happened with Brady?" Jill asked Lorylyn eagerly as they stretched on the floor ex mat before practice. She was still on cloud nine from SRT.

"I called him after the meet last night and I was like, 'Are you still friends with Brooke?' And he was like, 'No, I told you I never talk to her anymore.' And I was like, 'Well I saw you walking with her in the hall today,' and he goes, 'Oh my gosh, yeah, she like followed me after class and tried talking to me. I didn't wanna be mean and blow her off, you know, but don't worry, it was nothing. I barely said two words to her.' " Lorylyn looked at Jill and shrugged. "And that could be true, right? I mean you said he stopped at his locker and she just kept walking?"

"Yeah," Jill said happily. That seemed like a reasonable explanation. She was in such a good mood she couldn't even dredge up any suspicion toward Brady. "I'm sure that's probably all it was, then. So are you guys back together?"

"No. We just talked for a little while. But I don't know, I guess now I kinda wanna wait like a week or something and see if anything else with him and Brooke comes up. 'Cause if she's gonna try to talk to him and stuff now, what if he starts liking her again?"

"I'm sure he won't. She's a bitch; who could like her?" Jill said cheerfully.

"What's up with you?!" Lorylyn asked with a grin. "You're in a good mood!"

"Yeah..." Jill said, returning Lorylyn's grin. Then she launched into a description of her afternoon with Todd, leaving out nothing but the part about his parents.

"That's awesome!" Lorylyn exclaimed. "He so likes you!"

"Do you think so?" Jill asked, surprised.

"Um, YEAH! He called you out of SRT, out of allll his friends, 'cause he wanted to hang out with you, and he bit your neck! Does it GET any more obvious?!"

Jill giggled. "I don't know though. I mean, he's always flirty like that. I don't think he likes me."

"Whatever! He so does!"

Both girls giggled, but Jill wasn't convinced. But it didn't matter. This day rocked.

***

"Landon's having a party this weekend for Valentine's Day!" Hilton announced before school a couple weeks later as she materialized out of nowhere beside Jill's locker.

"Are you serious?!"

"Yeah! This weekend's gonna rock! I'm so pumped! Landon's party on Friday, then my date with Reed on Saturday!" Hilton beamed as she hugged her geometry book to her chest.

"Yay! Now I won't be a _complete_ loser with nothing to do on Valentine's Day weekend!" Jill joked.

"Oh, whatever, you should so ask Todd out. You know, you guys really wouldn't even have to go out. Just find a pantry somewhere and I'm sure you guys would figure out something to do in there." Hilton grinned.

Jill giggled and swatted at her. "Shut up!" she hissed, looking around. "You know nothing happened!" But she was thrilled Hilton had said that.

"Hey, you know what I just realized? Valentine's Day is Saturday, so that means Landon's party is on Friday the thirteenth!" Hilton's eyes widened in anticipation.

"Oh my gosh, you're right!" Jill felt a little shiver. She scrunched up her shoulders and made a face at Hilton. "Weird!"

***

That afternoon at gymnastics, Coach Tanner sat the girls down before practice to talk about the upcoming meets that week.

"Now I know Saturday is Valentine's Day," she said, "and some of you probably have plans for that night, but just don't forget that we have our invitational at Pike that day. It starts at ten and there's eight teams coming, so it could go until three or four depending on how they do the rotations; I haven't gotten a schedule yet. And it's a little over two hours away, so we may not be back until six or after. So make your plans accordingly."

Jill shot a panicked look in Lorylyn's direction. She wasn't worried about when they got back; the thought that had just occurred to her was when would they have to leave in the _morning_? She might not be able to go to Landon's! This was a disaster! She hadn't even thought about the meet being so far away!

As if Coach Tanner had read Jill's thoughts, she continued, "And warm-ups will probably start around eight; hopefully I'll have the schedule by tomorrow and know for sure, but plan on leaving here around 5:15. We wanna have plenty of time to stretch and wake up once we get there. So I know I haven't done this before, but I'm going to give you guys a curfew for Friday night. I want you in bed by ten. That'll still only give you less than seven hours of sleep, and these are some good teams. We have a chance to do well, but we need to be at our best. And that means everybody, even if you're only competing in one event."

Jill's heart sank. She'd been doing varsity beam most of the season and everything else JV, and beam was the only event she was doing at Pike, since it was a varsity-only invitational. She and Lorylyn exchanged a glum look, and Jill looked over at Lindy. But Lindy's face didn't register any reaction at all. Jill wondered if she was just planning on skipping Landon's.

Jill frowned. There was no way she was missing this party. She'd just have to figure out a way to go for at least a little while, because she knew Todd was going to be there.

***

"What am I gonna do?" Jill wailed at lunch the next day to Hilton, Lorylyn, and Hillary. "I have to go!"

"I'm not going," Lorylyn said. She had already told Jill as much in geometry. "I thought about it, but I can't, 'cause I don't want my parents dropping me off and picking me up and possibly seeing the drinking or anything, and you know Cassidy won't be leaving at 9:30! So there's no way I'd have a ride."

"Who cares about your damn curfew?" Hilton said, waving her hand to shrug it off. "Just blow it off. I guarantee Lindy will."

Lorylyn looked doubtful. "I don't know. My parents might not let me anyway."

"Come on, Lorylyn!" Jill begged. "Let's just blow if off. I mean, I'm only competing one event! And you're only doing vault, right? We'll be fine! We can sleep on the bus, and Tanner will never know!"

Lorylyn hesitated. "Yeah, but I don't think my parents will let me stay at Landon's as late as we normally do, knowing I have a meet the next day! So how will we get rides?"

"I know!" Hilton exclaimed. "You guys can both just bring all your stuff for the meet and stay at my house! Tell your parents I'm just having a sleepover. Don't even tell them about Landon's."

"That's a good idea," Hillary said.

Lorylyn still hesitated. "Well...I think my parents still won't want me spending the night somewhere before the meet."

"Oooh, tell them you're staying at Lindy's! Say she's having a team sleepover!"

"Oooh, good idea!" Jill exclaimed. "Awesome, Hilton! So then we would actually stay at your house?"

"Yeah, and we can just ride with Cassidy like normal."

Jill clapped her hands. "Yay! I'm so excited!"

"Lorylyn?" Hilton asked.

Lorylyn moved her fork around in her mashed potatoes, then finally looked up with a grin. "All right. I'm in."

***

"Guess what?" Jill said brightly at dinner that night. "Lindy's having a team sleepover on Friday before the Pike Invite."

"Oh, that sounds fun," her mom said. "I haven't heard you talk about Lindy much lately."

Jill dropped her eyes shamefully to her plate. She _hated_ to lie to her parents; she felt incredibly guilty, but she'd do whatever it took to go to this party. "Yeah, well, we didn't really talk to her as much after Brooke broke up Brady and Lorylyn 'cause she's Brooke's best friend, you know, and it was just weird....But Brooke's been a lot nicer lately, and Lindy was never mean to us at all or anything, so I think it'll be fun."

"That's a good idea for you guys to all stay together before the meet anyway," her dad said. "Especially since you have to get up and leave so early. That way nobody will oversleep or anything."

"Yeah," Jill said, praying she and Lorylyn _didn't_ oversleep and show up late, or even worse, so late that Coach Tanner called their houses to find them. _That_ would be a disaster.

### chapter 14) landon's... friday the 13th/valentine's day

As Jill and Lorylyn crawled into the tiny backseat of Reed's Mustang after practice Friday, Jill felt even guiltier than she had Tuesday night at dinner. She'd told her parents they were going straight to Lindy's after practice. Actually, Hilton had arranged for Reed to drive everyone to her house since basketball, cheerleading, and gymnastics practice all ended at five that day.

Hilton pushed the passenger seat back into place and climbed into the car. "I'm so pumped!" she giggled, turning around to grin at Jill and Lorylyn. "I'm so glad you guys are blowing off your curfew!"

Jill and Lorylyn returned Hilton's smile, then looked at each other nervously. They'd both be in huge trouble if there was any kind of slipup in the plan tonight.

***

Landon's party wasn't near as crowded as his New Year's one, but there were still quite a few people. Jill groaned inwardly when one of the first people she saw upon entering the house was Brooke. "Is Brady coming?" she asked Lorylyn.

"Yeah. That's what he said at school today anyway."

After Lorylyn had decided to wait a little longer before making a decision about Brady, a week and a half had gone by with no Brooke and Brady sightings, and Lorylyn had called him last Saturday night to ask him to come over. She had intended on getting back together with him that night.

But he wasn't home when she called, so she'd left a message on his machine. He hadn't called her back until Sunday afternoon, and he'd apologized, saying he'd been out with the guys and had stayed at Landon's. Lorylyn accepted his apology, but for her the moment had been ruined.

So she'd put off the reunion again, and all this week she and Brady had been walking in the halls together at school and talking on the phone, but she was discouraged and confused because he hadn't asked to hang out with her outside of school, and she couldn't tell if he was still interested. Jill and Hillary and Hilton assured her he must be if he was still calling her and meeting her between classes, but Lorylyn said something just felt off and she still wasn't sure.

Jill hoped tonight would go well. She had a sort of eerie feeling this party would make or break Brady and Lorylyn's relationship. Stop it, she told herself. You're just getting carried away with this Friday the thirteenth thing.

***

Sure enough, Lindy was at Landon's, and at 9:30 she didn't look like she had any intention of leaving soon. She'd even been drinking! Jill and Lorylyn were both surprised; Lindy was competing in three events tomorrow. But it made them both feel a lot better. And Amy was here too, although she wasn't drinking. At one point Lindy and Brooke walked by Jill and Lorylyn, and Lindy grinned and said, "Nice, I'm glad to see you girls have your priorities straight." She winked at them as she walked away, and Jill and Lorylyn laughed.

Brooke looked back with a sassy grin and gave Jill and Hilton the nose signal.

"Why does she do that to you guys?" Lorylyn asked once Brooke was gone. She sounded irritated.

Jill had offered Brooke a small smile and repeated the signal, torn between not wanting to blow Brooke off and not wanting to hurt Lorylyn by sharing an inside joke with Brooke. She hesitated now, unsure of how to explain.

"It's just 'cause we drank beer through our noses at one of Landon's parties a long time ago," Hilton said easily. "And then Landon caught us and we told him we were snorting crack." She grinned.

"Oh," Lorylyn said, giving Hilton a small smile but not sounding too amused.

Todd and Bennett showed up around ten with Dirk and Hillary. Jill had started to worry they weren't coming at all.

"Where were you guys?" she asked Hillary.

"Oh, we were just all hanging out at Dirk's."

"Oh." Jill knew it was stupid to feel left out, but she was still bummed she hadn't been invited, because she could've been hanging out with Todd.

***

By about 11:30, the party was shaping up to be pretty uneventful. Brady hadn't come after all, and Lorylyn was more confused than ever. Everyone was just standing or sitting around, talking in groups. They hadn't played spin the bottle either.

Jill was relieved to see Blake and Todd weren't hanging out together at all. One day she'd been going to the bathroom right near the end of the period they had world history together, and she'd walked by their classroom and seen them gathered by the door with a couple other people, talking and laughing. The jealousy had been indescribable. But tonight she hadn't even seen them talk once. Blake was hanging out with Sam and Cassidy and Kat and Brooke and Landon, and Todd was in the garage. The only interesting thing happening was Brooke hanging all over Landon.

"Maybe she finally moved on," Jill whispered to Hilton, nodding in Brooke's direction. Landon had his arm around her neck and she was looking up at him and laughing, her brown ponytail shining in the light.

"Yeah, of course she had to pick him," Hilton whispered back dryly.

"What, you don't still like him, do you?!" Reed was in the bathroom.

"Not really." Hilton shrugged. "But still, you know, of all the guys!"

Jill's eyes were still on Brooke and Landon when Landon looked up and raised his plastic cup toward the middle of the room. "All right, everybody!" he yelled, his arm still around Brooke's neck. "Since this is a Valentine's Day party, and it's almost midnight, I think in the true spirit of Valentine's Day we should play spin the bottle!"

Brooke had a huge smile on her face, and Jill was sure it'd been her idea. At least there was no chance of her kissing Brady tonight!

As several of the partygoers followed Brooke and Landon to the garage, the phone rang in the house. Landon frowned and then lifted his eyebrows. "Oh, shit, I forgot!" he said, turning back toward the kitchen to go answer it. Brooke no longer looked happy.

Everyone else continued out to the garage and formed a circle. Tonight there were several large pieces of carpet to sit on, as though Landon, or maybe Brooke, had thought of spin the bottle in advance. Landon and Brooke came out shortly behind everyone else. Landon was carrying an empty beer bottle and didn't look concerned about anything, but Brooke's arms were folded across her chest, and she looked pissed. Jill wondered what was going on.

Landon didn't say anything about the phone call; he just sat down, tilted up his hat and put it back on his head, and placed the bottle in the center. "All right, should I go first? Okay, I'm going first." He gave the bottle a firm spin, and the game was underway.

***

Twenty-five minutes later, as Valentine's Day officially began, it was turning out to be one of the dullest games of spin the bottle ever. Landon kept checking his watch, and Lorylyn figured he must think so too. She wondered how long they'd keep playing. She wasn't a big fan of spin the bottle anymore. And she was so depressed Brady hadn't come...this night sucked.

Blake Bishop had just spun when Landon jumped into the middle of the circle and put his hand over the bottle, slowing Blake's spin and stopping the bottle so it pointed directly at Lorylyn.

Blake gave Landon a bewildered stare. Jill turned to Lorylyn, her eyes narrowed in confusion. But Lorylyn was even more confused than everyone else.

"Oh, it landed on Lorylyn!" Landon exclaimed, grinning like he had something up his sleeve. Lorylyn grew automatically wary. She looked over at Jill, who was now looking at Hilton, who was staring at Landon.

"But Blake and Lorylyn don't wanna kiss each other on Valentine's Day; they'd probably both rather kiss guys," Landon continued. "So, Blake, why don't you spin again, and Lorylyn, come here and maybe we can find a guy for you to kiss too." He stood up and offered Lorylyn his hand.

She stared at him dubiously, but not knowing what else to do, finally stood up and took his hand. She saw Jill glance worriedly in Brooke's direction and followed her gaze. Brooke had her arms folded across her chest and looked pissed. Lorylyn started to worry. What was Landon doing?! She definitely didn't want to do anything to piss off Brooke! Blake hadn't spun again; everyone was staring raptly at Landon and Lorylyn, wondering what the hell was going on.

Landon led Lorylyn over to the side of the garage and pushed a button on the wall. The garage door started to rise, and Lorylyn peered out toward the driveway, but it was too dark to see anything. Then Landon flipped two more switches. The garage light went off and two light poles framing the driveway flashed to life. Lorylyn's mouth dropped open.

Right in the middle of the driveway was a huge heart shaped out of red rose petals, and inside the heart was her name, written in what looked like chocolate icing. Beyond the heart, an arrow of rose petals pointed farther down the driveway. Lorylyn looked back at Landon, half uncertain, half in awe. Landon grinned and motioned for her to follow the arrow.

Lorylyn slowly stepped into the driveway and walked around the heart, staring at it, still in shock. This was more romantic than anything she could've ever imagined. As she neared the point of the arrow, she could now see a small box sitting in the driveway. She knelt and picked it up, removing the lid. When she saw what was inside, happy tears welled up in her eyes, and she pressed her hand to her heart as a slow grin spread across her face. It was Brady's class ring, with green thread wrapped around it to make it smaller.

There was a piece of paper underneath the ring. As Lorylyn lifted the ring out of the box so she could get the paper, she'd completely forgotten about everyone in the garage watching. She was lost in her own world.

She unfolded the small piece of paper and read it.

Will you be my Valentine?

Love, Brady

She grinned and pressed the paper to her heart, still holding the ring and the box in her other hand and looking down but not even seeing the ground. All of a sudden she felt a hand on hers and looked up to see Brady staring down at her, his dark passionate eyes pleading with hers.

Lorylyn's grin widened into a big, silly smile. "Of course I'll be your Valentine!" She giggled and reached up to throw her arms around him, hugging him as tightly as she could. His arms encircled her waist, and she sighed contentedly. "Thank you, Brady," she whispered as she clung to him, feeling truly happy for the first time since Landon's New Year's party.

### chapter 15) you're so lucky...

The next morning when Hilton's mom dropped Jill and Lorylyn off at the school at 5:20, Lorylyn was exhausted but elated. Jill, on the other hand, was feeling kind of bummed and irritated. Not only was she super tired, but it was Valentine's Day and she didn't have a date for tonight, and nothing exciting had happened with Todd last night at Landon's. Ever since that day she and Todd had skipped SRT, Jill realized she had started measuring each day as good or bad based largely on whether it had been a good or bad day with _Todd_. They hadn't skipped SRT again, but she eagerly awaited their classes together or a chance run-in with him in lunch or the hallway, and if for some reason they didn't talk very much one day, Jill went home feeling unfulfilled and depressed. She knew it was a bad habit to get into, but she couldn't help it. She thought about him constantly, and every night at home she regaled her mom and Winnie with stories about what funny and cute things he had said or done that day.

As Jill and Lorylyn dragged themselves up the steps onto the bus, rubbing their eyes and yawning, someone called out from the back seat. "Isn't it a beautiful morning, girls?"

Jill and Lorylyn looked up to see Lindy grinning at them. Lorylyn grinned back happily, still thinking about Brady's surprise last night, and Jill managed a small smile, even though she didn't feel it. It was going to be a long day.

***

The meet actually wasn't too bad; the girls had a lot of down time between events, and they ate grapes and brownies and colored with crayons and coloring books one of the seniors had brought. The bad part for Jill was when everyone shared their Valentine's Day plans. Jill remained silent while most of the other girls took turns sharing.

"Lorylyn's got a hot date, I bet," Lindy said, flashing Lorylyn another knowing grin.

"With who?" asked another freshman girl.

"Brady," Lorylyn said with a goofy smile, ducking her head and giggling.

"Oh, are you back together with him?! You're so lucky! He's so hot!"

"Yeah, tell them what he did for you!" Lindy encouraged, and all the girls oohed and aahed as Lorylyn told the story, leaving out that it had happened at Landon's party two hours after curfew last night. Even the senior girls were impressed, and one of them said she wished a guy would do something that sweet for her. Lorylyn couldn't stop smiling.

"What about you, Jill?" someone asked. "Do you have a date tonight?"

"No," Jill said uncomfortably.

"Oh, what happened to your boyfriend? That little basketball player?"

"We broke up awhile ago."

"Oh, that's too bad."

"Yeah, it's not really a big deal. He was annoying."

All the girls laughed, then the conversation moved on. At least they hadn't made a big deal out of her not having a date. What a depressing day in general though. Jill decided she hated Valentine's Day.

### chapter 16) maybe if you had a boyfriend you'd understand

"I'm SO excited!" Hillary declared happily a little over a month later as she climbed into the Sherers' minivan and dropped her duffel bag on the floor in front of her. She glanced back to make sure Winnie and Aaron were in, then slammed the door shut.

"Me too!" Jill giggled.

"I love skipping school the last day before spring break!" Hillary said. It was Thursday afternoon. "I've always felt so bad for everybody who has to go. Well actually, I don't feel bad for them! Haha, sucks to be you all!" she said loudly, pretending to address everyone who was still in school.

Jill laughed. "Tomorrow at this time we'll be on the beach!"

"Yeah, boy-watching!" Hillary grinned. "What Dirk doesn't know won't hurt him!"

Jill's dad climbed into the driver's seat and pushed the garage door opener. As the garage door slid shut and they backed out of the driveway, Jill grinned back at Hillary in anticipation. Every year since they'd met in preschool, Hillary had come with Jill's family to Fort Myers Beach, Florida for spring break. The Sherers always rented the same condo from Jill's dad's college roommate, who owned several condominiums all over Florida. Jill knew Fort Myers Beach so well she considered it her second home, as well as her favorite place in the world. She loved the white sand, the open, airy condo with the balcony overlooking the beach, the pool where she'd learned to do back dives and flips off the side before they'd ever had a pool at home, the shops at Times Square, the Sky Bridge connecting the mainland to Estero Island, from the top of which their condo building was visible, the pelicans on the pier, everything! And she was looking forward to this spring break even more than usual, because finally she'd have some time alone with Hillary, without Dirk around! Maybe they could finally recapture their former closeness.

***

It was working, somewhat. On Saturday night, in their bedroom in the condo, Jill and Hillary stayed up until almost three watching TV and talking.

"So how far did you and Bennett go?" Hillary asked with a sly smile.

Jill shook her head and wrinkled her nose. "All I did was make out with him."

"Are you serious?" Hillary asked in surprise. "That's no fun!"

Jill wrinkled her nose again. "I never wanted to do anything else!"

"Really? You're crazy! You should find a new guy so you can do other stuff. It's great." She grinned at Jill. "Like...Todd maybe?"

Jill waved the idea away. "So what all have you and Dirk done?" she asked eagerly. She'd been dying to know, and Hillary had created the perfect opening for her to ask.

"Well, not _that_ much really. I'd say like halfway between second and third base."

Jill frowned. "What do you mean, halfway?" From what she'd heard from people in junior high, the four bases were also sometimes called the four Fs: French kiss (first base), Feel up (second base), Finger/Feel (third base), and of course Fuck (home). Jill couldn't imagine exactly what would be halfway between Dirk feeling Hillary up, and him fingering her or her feeling his...thing.

"Like, you know, over the pants," Hillary replied.

"So you mean, like, you've felt his...you know...through his pants?"

Hillary giggled. "Oh, yeah. More than once." She lowered her voice and whispered gleefully, "And it totally gave him a boner too!"

Jill raised her eyebrows in shock. She wondered what that felt like or how Hillary had known he'd had one. She felt stupid asking though. It was probably a really stupid question with a totally obvious answer. She felt so inexperienced and light years behind Hillary.

"And he's done it to me too, over the pants, you know," she continued. "Oh my gosh, Jill, it feels so good!"

"Really?" Jill asked, wondering how it could feel that good just to have a guy put his hand there. There had to be more to it. "I'm so jealous!" she blurted out truthfully. "I wish I had a boyfriend so I could try it all!"

Hillary grinned at her. "Yeah, it's awesome. We'll probably do more soon. You so have to get a boyfriend."

Yeah, Jill thought dryly. Like it's that easy.

***

Even though Jill was glad she and Hillary had a lot of time to talk and bond and Hillary had finally told her a lot about Dirk, Jill still felt a huge gap between them, mainly because of Hillary's level of sexual experience. And it annoyed her how Dirk called Hillary at the condo every single afternoon. Hillary went on and on about how much she missed him, and sometimes they talked for almost an hour! Hillary always shut herself in the bedroom when he called and came out afterward trying to hide a smile, as though they'd been talking about something secretive. Probably something sexual, Jill thought, annoyed. And his calls put a constraint on the whole day, because Hillary, who'd always stayed out on the beach till six in the evening or so, now went in at five every day to wait for his call, so she and Jill had to be back from walking the beach or playing volleyball or whatever they were doing by five.

They played volleyball two buildings down from their own; one day they'd been walking by on the beach and some cute guys had called them over and asked them to play. So they had, and now they went back every day. Jill really liked one of the guys, Jon. He was really tan with black hair and piercing blue eyes, and he was energetic and fun. Hillary knew Jill thought he was hot and kept encouraging her to invite him and one of his friends to have dinner one night, but Jill was too shy.

On Thursday morning Jill and Hillary played volleyball for almost three hours, and then they went swimming with Jon and his friends in the pool at Jill's condo. It was really fun, but Jill's parents were at the pool too, so she had to warn the boys ahead of time not to cuss or talk about anything bad, and she felt like they probably thought she was a big baby.

When the boys left the pool, Jill and Hillary walked out to the beach with them.

"Hey," Jon said. "My parents are going out tonight and staying at their friends', so I think we're gonna have a little party at our place, if you guys wanna come over. If you can get away from your parents, that is," he added mockingly, and Jill felt her face grow red.

"Don't worry," Hillary said with a light laugh. "We'll be there."

***

"Hey," Hillary said around 5:30 when Jill came into the bedroom after taking her shower. Hillary was sitting on the double bed reading a magazine.

"Yeah?" Jill asked as she unwrapped the towel from her head and shook her hair out.

"Um, Dirk called, but he couldn't talk 'cause they have a baseball scrimmage tonight. Coach Lever just told them this morning at practice that he added it to the schedule. Like, it's for varsity and JV. So he's gonna call back later, like around ten. So I don't think I'm gonna go to Jon and Alec's."

Jill's mouth dropped open and she stared at Hillary, shocked and angry. "What?! You're not going? Why can't we just go after you talk to Dirk?"

"Yeah, right, Jill, like your parents are gonna let us go out 'shopping' at 10:30 or eleven at night! That'll never work. But I don't see why it's a big deal if I don't go. You can still go."

"I can't go by myself! They won't let me go out 'shopping' by myself either!"

"Yeah they will! I mean, I'll go with you earlier and we can shop and then when you go to the party I'll come back here and say I didn't feel good but you wanted to keep shopping for a little while. They won't care." Hillary flipped the page in her magazine.

Jill stared, so mad she couldn't find any words. She couldn't believe Hillary was letting her down like this, when Hill knew how much she liked Jon. "I'm not going by myself!" she finally fumed.

Hillary gave her an exasperated look. "You're being a baby, Jill."

"I am not! Why can't you just not talk to Dirk tonight? Come on, Hill, you know how much I wanna go!"

"That's what I'm saying. You can STILL GO!" Hillary snapped. "Why are you so afraid to go by yourself?! And I can't miss Dirk's phone call 'cause I'm at a party with other guys! That'd go over real well! Plus, I don't _wanna_ miss his phone call! Maybe if you had a boyfriend you'd understand!" She shook her head in annoyance and flopped back against the pillow to look at her magazine.

Jill was so furious she felt like there was lava rising through her body and boiling out the top of her head. "WHATEVER!" she screamed, because she couldn't think of anything else. She stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door as hard as she could, then dropped onto the toilet seat with her head in her hands and burst into tears.

***

That night Jill's family went out to dinner at Wahoo Willie's, a restaurant just off the beach with outdoor tables. Jill usually loved eating outside because she and Hillary would scope out hot guys walking by, but tonight Jill sat silently, staring at the table and pouting. Hillary was also silent, but with the air of an adult who was waiting out an immature fit of temper from a child.

She acts like she's so _above_ me now, Jill thought angrily. Hillary's comment that maybe Jill would understand if she had a boyfriend had really hurt, and she was sure Hillary knew it and had said it on purpose.

While Hillary was still reading her magazine, Jill had gone into her parents' bedroom and complained about how annoying Hillary was being about having to talk to Dirk every day. She had gone on to express her frustration with Hillary blowing her off over the course of the school year. Her parents had both agreed they were a little annoyed with Hillary as well, because they couldn't leave the condo to do anything as a whole group until Hillary was off the phone, plus she tied up the line for an hour every day. Jill's mom had added that Hillary was way too young to be so serious about a boy, and it was too bad she was behaving the way she was; it was ridiculous for a freshman in high school to blow off girlfriends she'd known her whole life for a boy she'd just met.

"I never really saw her as one of those girls who would do that," Jill's mom had said, shaking her head. "It's just really too bad."

Jill's talk with her parents had made her feel a lot better since she wasn't the only one who thought Hillary was out of line, but she was still furious about the party, and she didn't have anyone she could vent to about that. Hillary had a boyfriend; it wasn't fair for her to take away the opportunity for Jill to hang out with a guy she liked and maybe get a boyfriend too!

She is so not even a good friend anymore! Jill thought sourly as she watched Hillary stuff French fries into her mouth impassively. How can she _possibly_ think she's right about this situation?! And how can she not even care that I'm obviously so upset? So much for the pact to stick together during high school. Hillary had left Jill hanging out to dry. And the pact had even been Hillary's idea.

Well, there were three of us left, Jill thought. And now it's down to two.

***

For the rest of the trip Jill and Hillary were polite to each other, but there was so much tension between them Jill felt like she could've cut it with a knife. There was no more juicy gossiping, no more shared secrets. When they went to play volleyball with Jon and his friends one last time on Friday and Jon asked why they hadn't come over last night, Hillary casually responded, "My boyfriend called, and Jill's parents wouldn't let her come alone."

Jill felt hatred rise up through her body as she glared at Hillary. Hillary's look was cool and indifferent as she met Jill's eyes. _Stupid bitch!_ Jill thought to herself.

But at least Jon didn't make fun of her about her parents. "Oh, that sucks. But that's cool," was his only response.

Jill had fun playing volleyball with him that day, and they flirted a lot. "Hey, do you wanna get each other's addresses or something?" Jon asked as the girls were getting ready to head back to their own condo. "Here, let's go upstairs for a sec and we can write them down. We can send each other our school pictures or something."

"Okay!" Jill said eagerly. She and Hillary followed Jon and Alec upstairs as the rest of Jon's friends headed down to the ocean to go swimming. The four of them wrote down their addresses on some paper Jon dug up from a drawer in his condo.

"All right, well it was fun meeting you girls," Jon said as Jill and Hillary left. "Write to us!"

"We will!" Jill and Hillary replied.

Jill was ecstatic as they walked back to their condo. But she kept her excitement to herself; she didn't feel like sharing with Hillary anymore. She couldn't wait to tell Hilton. Actually, maybe she would call her as soon as they got back. A small smile spread across her lips. It was probably between 4:30 and five right now. Perfect. Wouldn't it just be so tragic if Hillary missed Dirk's call today?

They got back right at five, and Jill immediately locked herself in her and Hillary's bedroom and called Hilton. They talked for an hour, and by the time they hung up, Jill had invited Hilton to come on spring break with her next year instead of Hillary. Hilton had screamed, and they talked excitedly of what all they would do and how much fun they would have. Hilton had always wanted to go parasailing, which Jill thought sounded like a great idea. She couldn't wait for next year's spring break now. As soon as Jill hung up, her parents said it was time to head out to dinner before a big weekend crowd came in, and that night at dinner it was Hillary who pouted silently.

### chapter 17) lockdown

"Would somebody want to take our Riley bucket down to the student council room?" Mrs. Jenner, Jill's SRT teacher, asked on the third Friday in April.

Riley was a children's hospital in Indianapolis, and this week had been Spring Riley Week. BC had three Riley Weeks a year to raise money for the hospital. Jill had known about it for a long time, because for Fall Riley Week and Winter Riley Week, money was always collected at football and basketball games, so she'd seen it going on during elementary school and junior high. Besides collecting money at games, there was a Hat Day, where you could pay a dollar to wear a hat to school, and you were supposed to wear red every day of the week to show your support. There was also always a contest between SRT sections to see which one could raise the most money. Jill's SRT was pathetic; she knew they had never raised very much at all. She donated at the games and at lunch; she didn't see any reason to donate in SRT when they didn't have a chance to win anyway. She thought it was a good cause, and she wished Mrs. Jenner made a bigger deal out of it. She always just reminded them on Monday it was Riley Week, then she'd set out her bucket every day. Jill had heard of other teachers who sold food in their classes to raise money or promised rewards for their SRT students if they won, like pizza parties or field trips or cool stuff like that. Her SRT sucked so bad. She figured even if Mrs. Jenner did make a big deal of it though, they probably wouldn't do much better, because it was a bunch of losers in here who probably didn't care about giving to a children's hospital.

Todd, who'd been staring at his open geometry book and pretending to do homework for Mrs. Jenner's benefit while really making faces in Jill's direction and acting like he was stabbing himself in the chest with his pencil, jumped out of his seat. "I'll do it!"

Jill felt a sense of emptiness when he left the room and hoped he'd hurry back. Hilton turned around slightly and slid a note onto Jill's desk.

Jill grinned and opened it.

You should go ask for a bathroom pass and "run into" Todd in the hall. Maybe you'll end up in the pantry again.

Hilton turned around slightly again, grinning a little. Jill was trying to hold back hysterical giggles. "I'm serious," Hilton whispered.

Jill's heart pounded. She felt excited and nervous at the same time. What if her timing was off and she missed him in the hall? She couldn't just stand around outside the bathroom and act like she was waiting for him.

"Go!" Hilton mouthed, raising her eyebrows devilishly.

Jill grinned back and stood up, making her way nervously up to Mrs. Jenner's desk. "Um, can I go to the bathroom?" She was scared to death Mrs. Jenner would be able to tell she was just making up an excuse to go do something else.

"Sure," Mrs. Jenner said, handing Jill her laminated pass. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Jill turned and walked back down her aisle, sharing an excited grin with Hilton on her way past Hilton's desk. Hilton quickly looked back down at her homework, and Jill practically raced to the door and slid out, afraid Mrs. Jenner would change her mind for some reason or see Hilton's grin and get suspicious or something.

Once she was out in the hallway, she looked anxiously in the direction from which Todd would return. No sign of him. The student council room was a ways away. She slowly crossed the commons and went into the bathroom by the cafeteria. She decided she'd just stand by the door and then act like she happened to be coming out when she saw him approaching.

As she waited, she thought about what might happen when she ran into him. She desperately wanted to go to the coaches' lounge again, but how was she going to suggest that? It's not like they had a pass or an excuse to be out of SRT very long. Maybe they could steal some more passes from Stetson's desk and say Todd had run into an office messenger in the hallway who'd been about to deliver them both passes to the guidance office or something. But that sounded too fishy; she didn't want to get caught...she couldn't even imagine what kind of trouble they'd be in then. Plus, Todd might not even feel like going down there today....But if they did....She flashed back to that day in the pantry, his hot breath on her neck, his body pressed up against hers, that look on his face when she'd thought he was going to kiss her...

And then she saw him coming. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts she hadn't seen him at first, and he was almost to the commons. She practically leapt out of the bathroom. "Hey!" she said, crossing the commons toward him.

"Hey, Jilly! What are you doin'?" He stopped to wait for her.

"I had to go to the bathroom."

"Oh."

"Hey, we should go to the coaches' lounge and skip again," Jill said with a nervous laugh, trying to make it sound like she was at least partly joking and didn't have the whole thing planned out.

Todd laughed. "Yeah, I wish. Hey, I have to piss. I'll see ya back in there." He stuck his tongue out and made a gagging noise.

"I'll wait for you," Jill said quickly. "I don't wanna go back yet."

"Okay," Todd said, sounding a little surprised. Jill hoped it wasn't totally obvious now that she liked him or something. "That's cool, I'll be out in a sec." He disappeared into the boys' bathroom.

Jill looked around the empty hallway, rolling her eyes at herself. He could probably tell how desperate she was to be around him. She was such an idiot! She should've just gone back into the classroom like it was no big deal.

Just as Todd started to come back out of the bathroom, a voice came over the intercom. Todd stopped, and he and Jill frowned at each other. It was still an hour till the end of school; announcements never came on in the middle of a period.

"Attention, all staff and students," a voice said. Jill thought it sounded like Mr. Madden, the principal.

She suddenly felt a sense of dread. Something was off. He never made announcements. It was always Mr. Hooper, one of the assistant principals. She stared at Todd, who just seemed perplexed.

"At this time, we are going under code green lockdown," Mr. Madden continued. "Teachers and staff, please make sure all doors are locked and cover any windows looking into the hallway. Everyone must remain in a locked room until further notice. If you are not in a room now, go immediately to the nearest one. Stay away from all doors and windows. Once again, no one may leave for any reason. Any student in the hallway will be issued a two-day in-school suspension. Once again, we are under code green lockdown until further notice." He clicked off.

Jill stared at Todd, frozen in panic. What was happening?! They'd never done this before. Was something bad going on? Did someone have a gun in the school? Had someone died or something?! "What's going on?" she asked Todd, her eyes big and worried.

"I have no clue," he said, shrugging. "Come on." He grabbed her and pulled her into the boys' bathroom. Just as they stepped inside, a gate started to slide down from the ceiling. It completely covered the bathroom entrance.

"Oh my gosh!" Jill said. "I didn't even know they had those!" She hurried around the corner, away from the door. She was totally freaked out. If someone had a gun, she wanted to stay out of sight. Why would Mr. Madden have said to stay away from all doors and windows?!

When Jill was completely out of sight of the door, she turned around. Todd was nowhere to be seen. "Todd!" she cried, her voice high and scared. She didn't want him out in plain sight either!

Todd came around the corner, laughing a little when he saw her panicked expression. "Jill, calm down, dude, it's probably no big deal."

"Yeah, but why would he have said to stay away from the windows and doors?!"

"I dunno."

Jill folded her arms across her chest and took a deep breath. She thought of all her friends in their classrooms...were they all okay? She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. "Todd, I'm kinda freaked out."

Todd hopped up on a sink and sat facing her. "Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing."

"But why would they do this?! I've never even heard of it! Have you ever heard of them doing this before?"

Todd shrugged. "No." Then he seemed to really notice how worried she was. "Hey, don't worry. It's gonna be okay." Then he grinned, his hair falling in front of his eyes. "You have me to protect you."

Jill let out a small laugh, feeling a little better. "Gee, thanks, I feel better now," she said sarcastically, offering him a small grin. She was still freaked out though.

"Let's get it on in a bathroom stall," Todd said. "That'll take your mind off it."

Jill stared at him, her eyes wide, still hugging herself.

Todd laughed out loud. "You are out of control, Jilly. You always take me so seriously. Like that time you thought I was gonna kiss you in the pantry. Don't you know yet I'm just an asshole?"

Jill laughed a little again, still totally thrown by his comment. She'd known he wasn't serious, but just the fact that he'd said it had thrilled her so much she hadn't known how to react. "I'm out of control?" she asked a little weakly. "I'm not suggesting getting it on in bathroom stalls!"

Todd jumped off the sink. "I'm gonna see what's goin' on."

"No, Todd!" Jill reached out for him, even though he was several feet away.

The urgency in her voice stopped him. He turned to look at her. "Don't worry about me. I'm sure there's nothing going on. I can't hear anything."

"So you probably won't be able to see anything either. Don't do it. Please." She begged him with her eyes.

He looked at her a moment longer, then shrugged and came back to sit on the sink. "Okay, but if nothing happens in five minutes, we're gonna go look. Both of us."

"Okay," Jill said. She would still be scared, but doing it together would somehow be okay. She went and pushed herself up on the sink next to him.

"Soooo," Todd said after a few seconds of silence. "What's new?" He looked at her, and Jill shook her head and laughed at him. He laughed too. "Sorry, I don't know what to talk about."

"It's okay," Jill said.

"If we were getting it on in a bathroom stall we wouldn't have to worry about finding something to talk about."

Jill laughed and rolled her eyes at him. "Okay, let's get it on until the five minutes are up," she said sarcastically, her heart pounding so hard it was about to burst out of her chest. She prayed he couldn't tell.

"Okay." Todd got up and walked casually over to a middle stall. "You coming, or what?"

Jill laughed again, pretending she thought this whole thing was amusing just because there was nothing else to do, and walked over to him, stopping just outside the stall door.

Suddenly Todd grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into the stall, shoving her against one of the walls and locking the door, then pressing up against her. Then, as suddenly as he'd done it, he pulled away laughing.

"Jeez, Jilly, seriously, that face again. When are you gonna learn I'm joking?" He grinned and pulled on a strand of her hair.

"Aahh, stop it, Todd!" she shrieked, leaning out of the way. When are you gonna not be joking? she asked silently, wishing more than anything he was up against her again. Her whole body was tingling. She wished she could've known that was coming, so she could've tried to remember every detail of how it felt.

Todd leaned against the opposite wall of the stall. Then he started. "Ssshhh, I hear someone coming!" he hissed. "Quick, climb on the toilet!"

"What?!" Jill gasped in alarm, lifting her foot to step onto the toilet seat.

"Oh wait..." Todd squinted his eyes as if listening harder. "Never mind. That was just me fucking with you and winning for like the ninetieth time in our lives."

"Todd!" Jill slapped at him. "That wasn't funny! You totally freaked me out!" But she couldn't help smiling a little. His grin was just so irresistible.

"Hey, I think our five minutes is up," Todd said. "Coming with me?"

"Okay," Jill said, feeling a little scared again.

Todd opened the stall door and walked to the corner, then looked back and reached out his hand. "Come on."

"You don't have to _hold my hand_ ," Jill said, as if that were the biggest insult ever, but she took his hand anyway. He grinned back at her, and she smiled weakly at him, wondering if she should drop his hand. Why did she keep making it so obvious she wanted him?! But she couldn't make herself let go. She'd always wanted to hold his hand...and even though they weren't really holding hands and their fingers weren't interlaced, it was still so adorable and sweet how he'd stopped and held out his hand to her...

Todd led her around the corner and up to the gate. He peered out, and she looked over his shoulder as much as she could. She couldn't see very far, but that was okay.

"There's nobody out there," Todd said aloud. He stood up straight and dropped her hand, leaning forward to peer farther out the gate. "Huh. Oh well."

Jill stepped up beside him, feeling braver now. He was right; the hallway and commons were completely deserted. "Huh," she echoed. "Weird."

Todd shrugged, then sank down with his back against the wall beside the gate. "Well, what now?"

"I don't know." Jill remained standing. "Hmmm. Let's play a game."

"What game?"

"I don't know. I'm trying to think." It was just starting to sink in that she was with Todd in the boys' bathroom during code green lockdown...whatever that was. She couldn't believe she'd gotten this lucky. She hoped lockdown lasted the rest of the day, or even past when school was supposed to get out. Could that happen? Of course, she only wanted it to last that long if it wasn't for something too serious. She hoped everything was okay.

"Let's play no-cards strip poker," Todd said.

"No-cards strip poker?"

"Yeah. Since we don't have cards, we just take turns taking our clothes off."

Jill laughed and kicked at him, rolling her eyes. "Oh, okay," she said sarcastically.

"Hey, then you think of something better," Todd said.

Just then Mr. Madden came back on the intercom. "Attention, BCHS. This ends our code green lockdown. At this time you may unlock your doors and uncover your windows and return to your classrooms, if you are not there now. What you've just experienced is a lockdown drill. SRT teachers, please go ahead and go over the lockdown information sheets with your students. Thank you."

Jill and Todd looked at each other, and Jill breathed a sigh of relief. It had just been a drill.

Todd was grinning at her teasingly. " _Oh, I'm so scared. Help me, Todd. Help me!_ "

Jill kicked at him again just as the gate started to rise. "Shut up, you jerk!" she laughed.

" _Help me, help me, Todd, hold my hand._ "

"Shut up! I did not ask you to hold my hand!"

Todd grinned wickedly, then reached out for her to pull him to his feet.

Jill crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her nose in the air. "No."

"Well fine then." Todd stood up and waited. "Well, you leaving, or you gonna stay here forever?"

"I'm staying here forever. I don't wanna walk back with you now," Jill said airily. She kept her nose raised and tried as hard as she could not to laugh.

"All right, see ya sometime." Todd left the bathroom and started across the commons.

Jill darted after him and shoved him as hard as she could, causing him to trip a little. "You dork!"

When they walked back into their SRT room and took their seats, Hilton grinned at Jill with wide eyes. Jill grinned back, but then quickly made a straight face, not wanting Todd to see. She turned her attention to Mrs. Jenner, who was explaining that code blue lockdowns would be used next year on random days for drug dogs to come in and search the school. She said a code green lockdown would be used for drills or in the case of an emergency, such as if someone had a weapon in the school or if someone was seriously injured in gym class and an ambulance had to come. The only difference was that during code blues teachers could continue with class like normal, but during code greens they had to get everybody away from the doors and windows and shouldn't continue with class. Today's had just been a preliminary drill to test the procedure and make sure it was going to work.

Todd looked over at Jill and held his hand out to her.

Jill burst out laughing and shoved his hand away. "Leave me alone," she giggled.

### chapter 18) oceans apart

Ever since spring break, school had been more relaxed for Jill because she wasn't in a sport, yet time seemed to fly by faster than it had all year. Between teachers cramming stuff in to get it done before the end of the year, Hilton's tennis matches – she was playing varsity already! – Todd's baseball games, and weekends out at Bennett's now that the weather was nicer and they could sit comfortably around a fire, Jill was shocked to realize it was almost the end of her freshman year.

One afternoon as she sat behind home plate during a freshman baseball game, bored because Todd wasn't playing, her mind wandered off to how much things had changed since last year at this time. Hillary, her best friend since preschool, was sitting beside her cheering for a boyfriend who had become her whole world and with whom she had probably gone all the way to third base now, and although things were better between Jill and Hillary since Florida, there was still an ocean between them even as they sat next to each other today. Lorylyn, the perky, naive little girl who had never kissed a boy, had fallen in love and had her heart broken and her innocent, idealistic views of romance destroyed, yet she had come out of it happier than ever before, with a gorgeous boyfriend who doted on her and had told her for the first time just a couple weeks ago that he loved her. Jill herself had fallen in love and had her heart partially broken several times, although the fall was never as hard as Lorylyn's. She had gone skinny-dipping, drunk a little bit of beer, seen porn, and overall, come out of her shell quite a bit and learned a lot about how things and people really were; in the past she'd lived in a protective little bubble like Lorylyn. She'd grown apart from her oldest friend but made two new best friends, one she was head-over-heels in love with and one she endlessly admired and desperately wanted to be more like. Overall, it had been a good year. She smiled to herself, lost in her thoughts.

Hillary nudged her in the side. "Todd's coming in!"

Jill blinked and came out of her reverie to see Todd walking to the pitcher's mound. "He has such a cute butt," she sighed to Hillary as she watched him bend over to pick up a ball. In his green jersey, gray baseball pants, and green socks, with his blondish-brown hair sticking out the bottom and sides of his white baseball cap, he looked hotter than Jill had ever seen him. She stared, unable to take her eyes off him. "I wish I had binoculars."

Hillary laughed. "You guys so need to hook up this summer."

Jill made a glum face. "I almost don't want school to end, you know? 'Cause I'm afraid I won't see him that much."

"Do you ever write Jon anymore?"

"Oh my gosh, I haven't even thought about him in forever." Jill had had every intention of writing Jon when they got back from Florida, but when she'd gone back to school the first Monday after break and seen Todd, Jon no longer held any interest for her. She'd forgotten about him in a split second. It was weird, she thought now, how she'd been so infatuated with him in Florida, when she'd been away from Todd, but once she was back around Todd, no one else mattered anymore.

"Alec's coming to Logan this weekend. He wanted me to hang out with him, but I told him I couldn't."

"What?! You kept in touch with him?"

"Yeah, well he wrote me first, so I thought I might as well write him back. I mean, why not? But I don't really wanna go hang out with him, and I know Dirk wouldn't be happy about it."

Jill shook her head with a small laugh. She couldn't believe it; of course the girl who had the boyfriend had gotten a letter from the guy she met, but Jill, the single one, apparently hadn't been anyone with whom Jon really cared about keeping in touch. How ironic. And that was just so like Hillary now, to keep in touch with Alec even though she was inseparable from Dirk...another weird thing she did that Jill couldn't begin to understand.

But whatever. Jill looked back at the baseball field and smiled dreamily. Who gave a shit about Jon or Alec? Because there was Todd...and it didn't get any better than him.

### chapter 19) the icing on his cake

"I'm so glad you came over," Brooke whispered, a satisfied smile on her face. She ran her fingertips down Brady's bare chest and across his stomach and felt him shiver.

"I'm so glad your parents went out to dinner." Brady grinned mischievously and rolled back on top of Brooke. Just as he leaned down and kissed her neck, there was a light knock on the door.

Brooke's neck whipped around in panic and she stared at the door with wide eyes.

"Brooke? You wanna go get some ice cream?" The door opened and Lindy peered in. Brooke's eyes locked with Lindy's as Lindy's flew wide in horror.

"Holy shit! Ohhh...my _gosh_." Lindy slammed the door.

"Brady, get off me! I have to go talk to her!" Brooke cried, pushing him away and jumping out of bed, pulling her comforter around her as she went. She opened the door and ran into the hallway. "Lindy! Wait!"

She caught Lindy at the stairs. "Lindy, please, _please_ don't tell anyone," she pleaded desperately.

"Brooke, what the hell are you thinking?! How long have you guys been hooking up?"

"No, it's not what you think. I mean, I'm not trying to break them up. He said he just liked hooking up with me for fun, and I feel the same way about him. So what's wrong with that?"

"What's WRONG with that?! Brooke, are you completely insane?! _Besides_ Lorylyn, don't you realize you're giving him exactly what he wants?! You can't tell me you aren't doing this 'cause you think he'll eventually choose you! That's what you want, isn't it?"

Brooke shrugged and looked away.

"Brooke! He said he didn't want a girlfriend who was easy! What do you think you're being now?! You're just gonna get hurt again!"

"No I'm not. 'Cause he'll eventually realize he should be with me. She'll never have sex with him, and he'll realize he needs that in a relationship."

"That's exactly why you _shouldn't_ be sleeping with him! He'll never realize he can't go without it, 'cause he's getting it! Don't you get it? He has the best of both worlds! He has an innocent girlfriend, just like he wanted, but he still gets to have sex too! You're like, the icing on his cake!"

Brooke's stomach twisted into a knot. She hadn't even thought of that. But Lindy was right. She was giving Brady exactly what he wanted. She'd been so stupid. She'd thought she was putting them on an even level, but she was really just letting him use her more than ever. He probably knew it too. He probably knew she still liked him and was laughing at her behind her back.

But...if she confronted him, she'd essentially be admitting she still liked him. No, that wasn't what she wanted to do. She couldn't let him know he'd fooled her. And despite how used and pathetic she felt, she didn't want to give up what she had with him, and she knew that to stop the sex or confront him would be to lose him completely. She needed to make him think she was really just using him too. Suddenly she smiled as an idea came to her.

"You know what, Lindy? You're right. You know, I didn't realize it before, but you're so right. Thanks. I'm gonna tell him to go fuck off." She smiled and touched Lindy's arm. "Thanks so much. But please don't tell anyone, okay? I'd hate to ruin things with him and Lorylyn now."

Lindy gave her a dubious look. "Just like that?"

Brooke smiled assuredly. "Yep. Don't worry. I'm gonna go take care of it right now."

"Okay, then...well, good luck, I guess. You're doing the right thing, Brooke."

Brooke smiled again and then turned and headed back down the hallway, her comforter trailing behind her. She stopped beside the window and waited to make sure Lindy was leaving. She heard the front door slam, then a minute later she saw Lindy's blue car back out of the driveway and speed off down the street.

Brooke continued down the hallway to her room. When she opened the door, Brady was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed tying his shoes. He looked up apprehensively.

"Don't worry," Brooke said. "She won't tell. I told her I was gonna end it. That I'd realized what I was doing was wrong."

"So are you?" Brady asked. "Gonna end it, I mean?"

Brooke hesitated a moment, then dropped the comforter from around her body and pretended to look thoughtful. "I don't know," she said. "Do you think we should?"

Brady grinned and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward him, and Brooke fell on top of him giggling.

###

Next, in _Spin the Bottle..._

### Wrong All Along...

### *Jill and Todd grow closer and closer, involved in a complex relationship only the two of them can understand, or maybe only Todd...

### *Brooke appears to have moved on from Brady at last, convincing even Lindy she's over him, but things aren't always as they seem...

### *Hillary fears she may have made a huge mistake involving Dirk...

### *Hilton divulges shocking information about her relationship with Reed...

### *Lorylyn is torn between her knowledge of Brady's past and her desire to go further with him...

### *Kara Darson, a girl Jill and her friends have always blown off, becomes a force to contend with...

### *Landon's parties and spin the bottle continue to draw everyone together for better or worse...

### *and much, much more! Look for it soon, and live out sophomore year with Jill, Hilton, Lorylyn, Hillary, Todd, and everyone else!

###

###

### Check out Daisy Jordan's _Spin the Bottle_ website for updates and to see the characters' individual webpages!!!

### http://spinthebottle.daisyjordan.com

###

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### Also, check out Daisy's Twitter!

### http://www.twitter.com/DaisyJordan06

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### And, like Daisy Jordan on Facebook!

### http://www.facebook.com/AuthorDaisyJordan

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### About the Author: Daisy Jordan grew up in Indiana and attended Purdue University, where she earned bachelor's degrees in English Education and psychology and her master's degree in school counseling. She now lives in Denver. She is a former high school gymnast who still can't resist some good boy drama. :) She is the author of several other novels, including the rest of the _Spin the Bottle_ series, _All That Sparkles Isn't Real Sapphire_ , _Everything Happens for a Reason..._ , and _Love Means Zero_. Check her Smashwords page again soon; the rest of the books will be available shortly!

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### https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/daisyjordan

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