And then when my,  right before my book came out. Philip Zimbardo, Dr. Philip  Zimbardo, I don't know if you've heard of him.
From Stanford, he's really famous for the Stanford Prison study. He asked me to come and speak to one of his psychology classes.
I had never spoken to a group, nobody knew my story yet,  my book wasn't out.
But I decided I go down, it was just weeks before my book would be polished and he took me into this huge auditorium.
And on the screen it said Jones Townsend survivor Deborah Layton.
And I found a seat up in the... where you guys are and I sat down and I watched all these kids, these 18 and 19 year olds.
The age I was, when I got inducted into Jonestown Peoples Temple.  And they sat down they were looking around there were looking around for the person with the.
You know the Mohawk and 15 earrings,  piercings, and and when he said Deborah Layton please! come down.
when I stood up and walked down I could hear a gasp, Oh My God! like she was normal like that she could be my aunt.
and while I, while I was speaking I saw this one young woman.  She leaned over and she said something.
To the guy next to her and I thought oh my god she's saying let's get out of here.  I can't stand it and then, I saw another young man and he fallen asleep. So I knew they
were bored to death, and at the end of it, I got this. I'm not asking you to are.
I got this standing ovation, and then a bunch of the students started streaming down to speak to me.
And the girl that I knew! was planning with her boyfriend to leave early.  Came up to me and she said: While you were talking. I just had to tell my boyfriend
How frightening your story was.
And then, a little later than napping student came down. And he said: I had to close my eyes while you were talking about Jonestown it was so evocative.
And I realized at the end of this talk, as I got, went to my car.
I thought, I have been afraid for 18 years. To tell anybody who I was, that I wouldn't be accepted, that I be hated, that I'd be shunned and that I had wasted so much time.
Being afraid and I believe each of us has something in our lives we are ashamed of.
And some of us believe
we are unlovable because of those things.
And by my writing "Seductive Poison" it gave me the opportunity.
To  come out, from under the muck and the mire of shame that I lived in, and the guilt of forsaking my mother.
I think,  it's really important to tell someone your story.  And not keep it a  secret and not let it fester.
Because truly each of us has something so important to offer the world.
