

The Stars Of Torment

TABISH KHAN

copyright © 2019 by Tabish Khan  
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof  
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in India

First Printing, 2019

ISBN 978-1-7023686-2-9

# ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A, writing a fiction is not a cakewalk. I started it when I was 16. I'm 17 now, when it is being published. And I don't think that I might have made it to the list of most youngest writers in history, because 17 is enough.

B, No one knew that I was writing this book except my family. So, there are no special blokes who helped me writing it. Hence, I would continue with the people who have been there for me always and motivated me at times.

I can't start it with the name of anyone else other than my grandfather, Daddu as I call him. He was my first teacher, mentor, friend and everything. I remember how he when he forced me to study and I didn't like it, today I regret it.

My mum and Dad, I read out a few chapters to my mom and she would lend her ears everytime. Dad, who always had my back since I was a child. The one who motivated me towards cricket. India's matches won't be the same without us watching.

My brother, Rameez Khan, he deserves a mention. SM Tabrez , with whom I spent my whole childhood. He taught me everything. Although he's my cousin but I never felt that. He's also the author of the book 18 Years Old Me.

Also, SM Altamush, who have been throughout. His to-be-betterhalf, Fatima Zabeen. She has been there and I wish these two a very happy life as they are getting engaged later this Diwali. His father, Md. Yunus, who is one of the best people around. He taught me certain aspects of life.

Fardeen, who's also a cousin cum friend. I can't forget watching every Netflix original together.

My aunts Shabnum, Tabassum and Tarannum. My other cousin sisters, Sania and Nausheen.

My friends, dumbfucks who are hanging around now, Rishav and Amarjeet. Abhishek and guys from school, Aatif, Azher, Harsh, Saurav, Aakash and everyone. I can't name all of you.

My teachers, Miss Jessy, our English teacher. I have been connected with her since 5th grade. She always motivated me at times and taught me a lot f things.

Mumtaz Sir, who is also one of the best motivators. He taught me many things about life.

The book is self published so I don't have any publishing company to give credits.

My inspirations, Virat Kohli, MS Dhoni, Kl Rahul and Hasan Minhaj, whose lives have inspired me.

And last but not the least, positive people whom I have met over the internet. A big thanks to all of you.

To the readers, thank you for dedicating your time and money. I would like to apologize for any typing mistakes as it is self published.

# ABOUT THE BOOK

It is a coming of age short novel, which circles around the story of a guy, Neil. It covers his high school journey as well as college.

In the course of it, he learns a lot about life, about pain, torment. He realizes life could bring the worst challenges. And, it doesn't demoralize you but motivates you to get up the eighth time after falling seven times.

He realizes that the first time you fall in love, it changes you forever, and no matter how hard you try, the feeling just never goes away.

When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

# PROLOGUE

It is the 7th of November. The day Neil can't forget. The important moments of his life are marked by this date.

He is sitting by the riverside, an abandoned one in the southern city of India, Bengaluru. It is not much freezing at this point of year but it is cold. He pulls up his cap on the hoodie. He has a book in hand, it is as old as the Megalithic Temples of Malta.

It is an orange evening but there are some dark clouds turning it black.

The yellow pages of the book get a drop of rain. The spot becomes dark yellow. Neil quickly takes out a handkerchief to remove it.

Another drop falls as he closes it but it is not from the mighty clouds but it is the liquid form of human emotions.

The rain drops start falling at a better rate now. He takes shelter nearby under a old shed, might be used earlier for cows as there's cow dung on the non-plastered walls.

He makes a call.

# THIS IS HOW IT BEGINS

Rahul drives Neil home. He has been a good friend to him. He doesn't live too far. Neil started working here in Bengaluru, after his college placed him here. Rahul has too found a decent workplace and is paid enough. They both know each other since sophomore year in high school and it's been 10 years.

"How's your writing going?" asks Rahul.

"Yeah, it's fine." I said. "Look, don't lie to me bro, I checked your laptop today and it was totally blank."

"Do you think it's a wise thing to do, disturbing someone's privacy."

"We have talked about it earlier, you should write about it. It'll make you feel better."

"Will it?"

Rahul's cell phone beeps.

Chaaya: Hey! Where have you been? I'm trying to call you for a while.

"No, I was just hanging out with Neil." says Rahul

"Come pick me up, I need to go Chickpet to buy some stuffs."

Rahul looks towards Neil who nods his head affirmatively.

"Okay, I'm coming."

Hangs up.

"Man duties you know." Rahul says and smiles.

"You have been on duty since high school, for multiple girls."

"Piss off man, those were just hookups. I love Chaaya."

"You better do."

Rahul drops him. He reaches home, unlocks the door and lies down on the couch. He thinks about what Rahul said earlier. He thinks he can do it. He gets up and goes to the kitchen, there is no cooked meal. He makes himself a coffee, toasts some slices and rests down on the couch again. He picks up his laptop.

Before typing anything he takes out a small diary out of the drawer behind him and cuts the words OUR STORY written in bold capital letters with a black ink marker. He puts it back in the drawer and starts typing.

He starts,

This is how it begins...

# THE CAN OF WORMS OPENS

It was November, apparently the mid of our junior year, 9 years from today. It was the 7th of the month when my friend, Rishika was celebrating her birth day. She had this party thing and asked me to visit. I knew her since fifth grade.

I reached there at 6 p.m. before anyone else, I guess. It was some café around East Boring Road, Patna. There's not much traffic round there. So, it didn't take my scooter too long to reach there.

I saw a familiar face soon. She was a girl from my school, I had seen her often in the English class.

"Hey", I said.

"Hey"

"If my assumption game is strong, then you're here for Rishika's birthday."

"Yes, I am. Precise and accurate. And if you're too, then I guess we are quite early here."

"Wait! I think I might have seen you, maybe." she added.

"Um..Yeah, We have Chaudhary Sir in fifth on Mondays for English."

"Oh! We have, cool."

"Yeah."

"I am Amisha, by the way."

"I know, And I'm Neil."

Our conversation was only this long when Rishika showed up.

"Hey, Neil you made it. I'm glad" she said.

"Yeah, I had to, Happy birthday again. You said the party starts at 6 p.m. and I can barely see anyone." I said and handed her a bouquet. "6 p.m. actually means 8 p.m. grow up boy. Hey! Amisha, great to see you too." she said.

"Yes, Happy birthday to you, girl." she replied.

"And Amisha, this is Neil, not that Armstrong who made it to the moon. He is our Neil."

"Yes, I know." she said and laughed.

"Was it a joke?" I said sarcastically.

"Was it?" Rishika said and laughed.

"By the way, where is Rahul? You guys are together everywhere. Did you broke up?" she further adds and laughs.

"One, it's a poor joke. Two, Rahul has to take his grandmom to some doctor. So, he couldn't come."

"Lol, I will catch you up later. Amisha, you wanna come with me?"

"Yeah, sure." Amisha replies.

"See you." I told Amisha.

"Yeah, you will" she replied.

This was my first conversation with her since she joined our school in junior year after 10th boards. Her stream was different and we had only English together.

She had commerce and I had(what every Indian high school guy has) P, C & M obviously.I left the party before 10 p.m. without having anymore conversations with her. I didn't want to break my curfew which was 10 p.m.

I came home and went straight to the computer to find Amisha on social networks. I found her Instagram, with username ____amishaaaa____xoxo. Seriously, why would you do that!

I followed her but didn't text, that's creepy, right?

I slept after watching some episodes of my favorite series.

I got up and started packing my bag for school.

Mom knocked my door.

"Breakfast's here come down in 5 minutes." she said.

"Yes, coming mom."

I went down, connected to the wifi and my cell beeped.

"You should not bring your phone to the table." mom said.

"Don't you see, it might be important." said Dad and smiled.

"No, Dad come on. It's not what you think."

"Well.. I think I do. You're 17, pal"

The notification did make me blush as it was Amisha's text. I left to my room soon and replied her

She: Hey

The text was sent last night and I was too late to reply.

Me: Hey

She: You left too early yesterday.

Me: Yeah, just didn't want to break my curfew.

She: Oh! Yeah, yeah I understand. So, school today?

Me: Yes , just to hear Chaudhary sir's weird accent.

She: Haha, that accent's cute.

Me: I know, right?

She: Haha, see you at school.

Me: Yeah, sure.

I reached school and waited for other subjects to end just for English in fifth. I went to the class and tried every possible geometry to find where would she sit. I actually waited for her to come and sat next to her and pretended like it was just a co-incidence. "Hey, you are here." I said. "Hey, Pumpkin. Yes, I am." she said and laughed.

"Wait.. Is that like a nickname? Do I look like a pumpkin?, no I guess I'm skinny." I replied.

"Jeez, Armstrong there's no context in that. I just said it, pumpkins are cute not fat." She said and laughed again. "Okay, I get it. But pumpkin is rather better than Armstrong. I didn't like that guy, he stole all the credit for landing on the moon and everyone forgot his crew."I said. "Damn, that are high thoughts. You are such a science nerd." she said. "Um.. I won't mind that. I totally agree."

The class started but I couldn't pay attention to some fiction, 'Landscape of the soul' we were taught. My soul was somewhere else connected to her. It was a long time since I had interacted to a girl. Last, time it was when I was in primary school. Wait, that's such a long time.

I didn't realize how far we would go. But, it was when the can of worms opens.

# WE DON'T CHOOSE WHO WE FALL FOR

Finally, the day our school was waiting for a while had come. It was a friendly cricket match against the KV. I was an integral part of the team led by Aarav, a guy from the senior year. Rahul was too with me in the team as a bowler. We were the only guys from junior year along another friend of ours, Farhan. We were a trio of pals better than any other.

The game started, it was a 20 over game and we were bowling first. They put up a good total for us to chase down. We lost early wickets but I was building the innings nicely. I raised my bat when I got to 50 and saw Amisha sitting in the stands. I was puffed up literally.

Aarav came towards the end and finished off the game.I came off the ground and saw Amisha congratulating Aarav.

I passed by and she saw me too.

"Hey, Neil were you playing too? Congratulations on the win."

I mean what the fuck! I was the protagonist there, and what's she even asking? Didn't we have a scoreboard over there?

"Yeah, I guess I was. Good to see your interest in sports."

"Yeah, lately"

She left and joined Aarav as he was walking to the bus. What do girls even like in the senior year guys, that we don't possess?

"Dude, were you playing the match?" said Rahul and laughed.

"So, you heard it?"

"I think I did. You like her, don't you?"

"Come on, It's not like that." I said and blushed.

"Guys, what are you doing here? Let's grab something. We won the match, my treat." Farhan came and said afterwards.

"Yeah, sure"

I was still curious about Amisha talking to Aarav and then accompanying him to the bus. I reached home and texted Rishika.

Me : Hey, Rishika.

Rishika: Hey, What's up?

Me: Nothing, just wanted to know about Amisha and Aarav. He is our captain and I just wanted to know about him. Are they, like dating?

Rishika: You want to know about Aarav or you want to know about Amisha. Haha...haha.

Me: No, just casually.

Rishika: Bro, look if you are into her then I would suggest that she has a terrible taste in guys. And about Aarav, yes.

Me: Ah, leave it. So, see you at school tomorrow.

Rishika: Okay, Bye.

Well, I was broken to be honest. Any other guy would be. I opened Instagram, saw her story, which added more sad songs to my playlist. She had posted a photo of her with Aarav. The caption was, 'Congratulations on the win, captain. Well played'(and a heart emoticon)

My cell phone beeps.

It was Rahul's text. He sent me the screenshot of the story I saw moments ago. He called later.

"You are Internet Explorer, dude." I said

"Have you already seen it?"

"Yes, and I don't care"

"Man, Aarav is somekind of a male hooker and you are a complete nerd."

"But he does drugs and that kinda stuff. He smokes and is a pedophile. Everyone knows what he did to that girl in grade 7th. He is not a good guy."

"Well, you said you don't care. It's her choice."

"Why do nice people choose wrong people for themselves?"

"You just admitted that she's nice. It means that you like her."

"This is not a murder confession, why are you talking like this?"

"Look brother, there's this thing, we don't choose who we fall for."

"Yeah, Tell me about it. It's not a big deal, I just casually liked her." I said.

"Fuck, dude. What is casual liking? Either you do or don't. There's nothing in between." he said and laughed.

"Okay, man you can laugh." I said and hanged up.

I went to the bed and started reading a Nicholas Sparks book. I was a big fan of them. He could make characters feel alive. One of the writers whose books I could read when I have 5 minutes of life left.

# WE ACCEPT THE LOVE WE THINK WE DESERVE

Rahul reaches home.

"So, you started it, big thanks to the Almighty."

"Yes, after peer pressure by a guy. Wait.. You are early."

"Yeah, Chaaya had to attend her friend's birthday party, and we completed the shopping early."

"Why didn't you go?"

"Um.. It was ladies stuff."

"Cool."

"Did you eat something? because I'm full."

"I'm full too."

"Wait, are you writing this all tonight?"

"Maybe, I don't know."

"You can, you don't want to do this for long and feel bad about it. I can stay tonight"

"I don't know man, I can't write anymore. The more I write, more I get those flashbacks."

"But you should, it is for her, don't forget it."

"Yes, I know."

Neil starts writing again...

It was Monday, the day I waited for whole week for the English class, or for Amisha.

I tried to sit next to her every time but most of the times I couldn't. It was not really a good day because I didn't see her in the class.

The class ended, somehow. I was scrolling through my phone in the break that followed. I saw Amisha's Instagram story, she had posted a picture of her, interlocked hands with a guy, obviously our captain. I wonder if she had any relatives added on her social accounts. That was bold. Her black shoes made it clear that she had skipped school.

Once you start skipping classes, you can't stop. It's worse than drug addiction. And I didn't see her much in school afterwards but her stories of places all around Patna. They were actually going good. It continued for months and my interaction with her during that period was zero.

February came and our final exams for junior year were going to start. I went to Rahul's house with Farhan for the so-called group studying. Apparently, it's not that.

We got inside, Rahul was under a blanket. Well, he got surprised after our sudden entrance. And, in the meantime a lube fell off his bed.

"Dude, What the fuck!" I said and laughed.

"Let's go, Neil. It looks like our kid is busy." Farhan said giving me a high five.

"Come on pricks, everyone does that." Rahul said.

"And clean your fucking bed, we can't study in here." I said.

"Okay I will, but the big news for Neil is that his crush got caught skipping a class." Rahul said.

"With Aarav?"

"With Aarav, yes."

"How?"

"Well, her Dad saw her with Aarav around some park near Kankarbagh, two days ago."

"Shit, it's not good. She has been inactive on Instagram too."

"Yes, Nisha told me that her parents have applied a no phone policy for now."

"Oh! I am sorry for her. Wait, who's Nisha?"

"A girl from Amisha's stream, he has been dating." said Farhan.

"Since when?"

"Two days."

"Wow, and Ishita?"

"Dude, she cheated on me for a guy from senior year. We broke up."

"Why don't I know these things?"

"I don't know, you never asked."

"Super."

My cell beeped.

"Oh! It's my mom. I should probably get home."

"Okay, see you later man."

I came back home, thinking about Amisha, how bad would it be for her. I always thought to reach out to her, text her but didn't. I didn't know, why I was even thinking about her.

I clearly don't understand the concept of bonding to people. We all are travelers on this cosmic journey of life. We stop for a moment to encounter each other, to bond, to love. The moment is good. But, the journey is like infinity and we don't really know with whom will we end up! We don't know, how much we deserve.

We get along with people we think are good for us. Sometimes, we deserve more. But, it is this heart that doesn't let us do that.

As Stephen Chbosky has said, We accept the love, we think we deserve.

# CHOICES CAN BE BAD

The following days, I often saw her arguing with Aarav. I didn't know what could have been the possible reason. Everytime, I saw her being alone. I didn't reach out to her. Aarav had distanced her from himself. He graduated high school and got into the Patna University. He seldom came by our school to meet her.

Then it was one day, she came to know that Aarav had been cheating on her. He got into college and started dating one of the girls there.

I wonder if he ever loved her. She clearly didn't deserve it. I saw her at school being alone everytime. She had become a stem without chlorophyll, from a gay flower that she was. Well, this is much a scientific metaphor.

Summer was going to start, our last in school. I was joining a cricket camp at the city's Moin-ul-Haq stadium. Just two days were left for the holidays to start.

I saw Rishika in the hall.

"Hey, Rishika"

"Hey, What's your deal this summer?"

"Huh! Nothing, just joining a cricket camp."

"Cool."

"Have you heard from Amisha lately?"

"Not really, since she decided to be alone."

"I'm sorry for her."

"Dude, why don't you talk to her?"

"Look, I can't really. You know I would ruin all at once."

"Well, you are terrible with girls but you should at least try. She needs someone to talk to."

"Oh! Good luck to me then."

"Good, see you in English then."

"Fine"

Dad was going ride me home from sch0ool that day. We stopped by a café to have some milkshakes to beat the heat.

"How was school today, kid?"

"Um! It was good, yeah."

"Cool"

"Dad, Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, sure. Anytime, son."

"There's a hypothetical situation, where a person is in some kind of pain or broken. Would the person like to talk about it to someone. Like to a stranger or more like an acquaintance?"

"Well, that depends on the person. Some people are good at hiding pain. They pretend to be happy by faking smiles and not telling about it to anyone. Some, may share their problems to someone who is close to them. We share our problems to someone we believe and if the person is important for us."

"Yes, I get it. Thanks Dad."

"Are you in some kind of stress. Is it the school or your coaching classes?"

"No, Dad. It was just hypothetical. Why would I be in any sort of problem?"

"That's good but take care of yourself. I have been to high school too."

"Yes, I will."

"Good"

I was in doubt to text Amisha. Would she like talking to me about it? I couldn't see her in pain.

Dad dropped me to the coaching classes directly as I was getting late.

I was on my way back from the classes with Rahul and Farhan and I finally decided to text her. They didn't know.

Me: Hey

I sent this to her at 9 p.m. and she replied at 9:07 p.m. Well, that was quick, wasn't it?

Her: Hi, Neil

Me: How are you? You don't look so good these days.

Her: Nah, I'm fine.

Me: That's cool.

She: Yeah.

I didn't text her more. I realized she wasn't interested in talking about it. Not to me particularly. Maybe I was not that important. Maybe, I could have asked her a couple of more times and let her take all of the pain out. But, I didn't.

Well, that's what most blokes think. People don't just tell you all of it at once. Don't give up on them. You don't know what's on their mind. Maybe, we could help them. Don't let a person live with pain. It makes them weak, mentally.

Sometimes the people we like, don't like us back. It hurts, but there's nothing we can do about it. It's funny how they break our heart and we continue loving them from each of the broken pieces. You try to ignore them, hate them but your heart still enures to them. The universe is so fucking giant but there's always that one person in all of it who makes your heart beat faster.

Sometimes we end up with wrong people and it changes our perception about love. We choose the wrong person and not everytime but choices can be bad.

# INFATUATION AND LOVE

The difference between infatuation and love is weird. If you are infatuated with someone, you get lost in an emotion of desire. You abandon things and people that you value. There's anxiety and nervousness. You do this to satisfy yourself. While love, it is more than an emotion.

Summer had ended, everything was different. I had completed my training in the camp. Rahul had returned from his grandparents house in Ranchi. Farhan had finished GOT.

It was end of June and monsoon was at its peak. I didn't really like the idea of carrying umbrellas. It was raining on the first day post summer. We had got off early from school as we were not having English that day. Rahul and Farhan had not come to school and I had to go home alone. I was near Gandhi Maidan area where I saw Amisha standing at the bus stop, protecting herself from rain. I denied eye contact initially but she saw me. I raised my hand and reached there.

"Wait, you don't like rain?" I asked.

"I do, but not when I'm in my school uniform and have books in my bag."

"I carry a bag cover for that because I know I will end up being wet, everytime it rains."

"Aren't you afraid of catching cold?"

"No, I won't."

"How do you know?"

"Okay, Give me your bag. I'll cover it and your books won't catch cold at least."

"Oh! Thank you so much."

"Will you like, wait here until rain stops?"

"Yes, what else is in my control!"

"You can just walk out of this shed and enjoy the rain. Carpe Diem!"

"Well, I don't think my mom will leave me alive if I do so."

"What, Come on you can!"

I had never talked more boldly to any other girl in my life.

"Okay, okay Carpe Diem, ha?"

"Let's walk to the NIT riverside. You still have an hour of scheduled time to reach home. It is so beautiful out there when it's raining."

"Anything, sir."

We walked to the NIT riverside. The Ganges was so beautiful and the rain made it a prepossessing sight. The vehicles on the bridge going to the other side of the river, the boats and her. That moment was infinity. I was having euphoria.

"Is this better than standing at the bus stop?" I asked her.

"It surely is."

"Look at that guy, how perfectly he left the boat and jumped on the another."

Shit, What had I said! I wasn't sure if she took it as a metaphor because I didn't mean to remind it to her. But she definitely looked sad.

"Yes, some people do it quite easily."

I needed to cheer her up again.

"You know, what I do when I'm down?"

"What?"

"Just follow me. It actually works."

"Fuck" I shouted loudly.

"What? No I can't." she laughed

"Don't care about the people, just shout and take everything out."

"Okay, Fuck." She said in a low voice relative to mine.

"Just turn around and say it loudly."

"Fuck" she shouted.

"That's the spirit. Do it until you are all empty."

We were shouting in the rain like crazy people.

"Wow, it feels so good. Thank you for this. Lol"

"Always, madam."

We were sitting around the riverside and the rain stopped. She was taking her bag out of the cover when I saw a novel in her bag named, "Letting You Go" by James Taylor.

"Wow, you read novels."

"Yes, it's already my favorite novel although I haven't finished it."

"I would love to read it then."

"You can, I have finished the first half. It is stitched binding, so you can take the part I have finished. I just want people to read it."

"I would love to if you don't have any issues."

"Why would I have any issues? Please take it." she said and laughed.

"Okay, then. Thank you." I said and took the pages in the first half, binded them together and kept them in my bag.

"We should head out now, It's already late."

"Yes, sure. I would finish it by tomorrow."

"No, you can't. That's so rude." she laughed.

I walked her to the bus stop and left for home. I was so happy that I had a moment with her. I became more than an acquaintance to her. And she gave me a book to read.

I reached home and couldn't stop thinking about her. I didn't know if it was just infatuation or more. I smiled to her texts. I took time to reply her just to figure out the words I choose. I couldn't think of losing her then. I wanted to be with her forever. I didn't know what was between us.

It actually takes hundreds of awful experiences for one to understand the difference between infatuation and love.

# THE HAVOC

I don't know what kind of grudge God has against me! Everytime when it is going well, something happens. Is it because I'm an atheist? No, I don't think so.

We had euphoria the other day. I saw Amisha in school the next day.

"Hey"

"Hey, Rain monster." she said and smiled. "So you are alive?" I asked and laughed. "Yes, I was clever enough to escape to my room. Mom didn't see me."

"Good."

"I have to go for BST. So, see you around."

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, can I have your English notebook?"

"I can't say no." I said and handed over my English notebook.

"Haha, Thank you."

I left for Physics. I saw Rishika in the way. She didn't look good.

"Hey, Rishika. You don't look good. What happened?"

"Neil, can we talk?"

"Yes, everytime. What's it?"

"Look, there's this guy from the other section, Sahil. We were dating. I regret this, but I shared some revealing pictures with him. He shared them with his friends when we broke up. He says he will share it to whole school." She said and started crying.

Dang! These fuckboys.

"Wait, Don't cry. We got this. We will find a way."

"Thank you, Neil but how?"

"You have always been there for me. I got your back. Don't worry. Just get to class."

I told about it to Rahul and Farhan. We looked towards Farhan.

"Don't count me in, you know."

Farhan liked Rishika in junior year but she didn't. She had chosen Sahil over him.

"Come on, bruh. Aren't we brothers?"

We gave an emotional stare.

"Okay, What do we need to do?"

"That's our guy."

We made a plan to get to that guy, Sahil. He used to sell drugs like Aarav and co. , he was friends with Aarav too. We decided to send Farhan to ask him for drugs at an abandoned place down the streets at around 9 p.m. , the time we usually get back from coaching classes. We thought we might make him to confess and delete those pictures.

We were all set. Everything was going according to the plan. We reached there and Sahil was on time. He was with a guy.

"Did you bring it?" Farhan asked as me and Rahul were hiding.

"Yes, hand me the money first."

"I will, only if you delete the pictures of Rishika you have, right now."

"Oh, that bitch sent you. What if I don't?"

"Then, this." Farhan said and punched him on the face.

We didn't know where it come from.

"Now that shouldn't be done, kid."

Sahil hit him back. That didn't keep me and Rahul behind the wall anymore. We dropped our bags and ran towards him. The guy behind Sahil had called his fellows. We were trying to save Farhan from being hit. I punched Sahil again and he fell on the ground. That was the first time I had hit someone so hard.

I saw some guys arriving in the arena on their bikes. Aarav was there too.

I looked towards Rahul and Farhan.

"We are so fucked up."

Aarav came and got Sahil up.

"You got beaten up by these kids, duh. What's their deal?" Aarav said and moved closer to Farhan.

"Back off." I said

"Now kids will ask me to back off, huh?" Aarav said and laughed.

He moved towards me and got his hands on my collar.

"Shut your fucking mouth and don't try to mess with me ever again." he said.

"Just ask Sahil to delete those pictures if you don't wanna get hurt."

"You will hurt me? The pictures are not going to be deleted."

I hit him on the pubic region. Even Muhammad Ali would back off after getting hit there. He shouted for his boys to attack us. The fight had started. They were 7 against us 3.

I don't know why I was targeting Aarav only. I got a few hits on him but he got more. I was down with cuts on the forehead and a bleeding nose. Farhan was down too. We saw Rahul reaching towards their bikes and he had got a knife. Where did he get that? He put the knife on one of the dukes.

"Delete the pictures or you will go home with a scratched bike with scratched seats."

"Move away from the bikes, prick." shouted Sahil.

"You are not going to do that." Aarav said.

"I am."

"Come on Rahul, shave them off."

"Okay, okay wait. Don't do this. We will delete them." Aarav said.

"What? No, bro." Sahil said.

"Listen! We will deal with them later. Right now I don't want to get home with my bike in a bad condition."

"We will see you later, assholes."

Sahil deleted the pictures and Rahul left the bike. It was damn late and we needed to get home. I checked my phone and it was a missed call from my mom. I checked my face in the front camera and I couldn't go home with that.

"What do we do now?"

"I will get some bandages and clean this shit with cotton."

"Ok, do it. And where did you get the knife?"

"One of my guys down the city."

I reached home and was trying to get in silently to my room. Dad saw me.

"What happened, son? Were you in a fight?"

"Um... No, Dad I just fell off Farhan's scooter."

"Did you?"

"Please, don't tell mom. She will freak out."

"As you want, but take care son."

"Yes, I will."

I got to my room.

Next day, I got up early and was avoiding mom. Dad told her that I had to leave early for practice pre-school. I am grateful to him.

I met Rishika.

"Thank you so much, Neil. You are such a great friend."

"Thank Farhan. He was the one who made them do that."

"Thank you, Farhan. That's so sweet. Maybe, we should hangout sometime."

"Yes, sure." Farhan smiled and said.

"And yes, Neil here's your English notebook. Amisha asked me to hand it over to you."

"Thank you, Hasn't she come to school today?"

"Like you don't know."

"No, I don't."

"Bruh, she's leaving the town. Her father got this promotion and they are moving to Chandigarh. I thought she already told you."

"No, she didn't. How, so quick. What about her studies?"

"Our school has a branch there and they'll move her there and she won't even come here for exams."

I checked my Instagram inbox and there was her text. I am such an asshole. I got too much busy in the fight that I didn't think about her.

She had texted, "Hey"

I tried to reply her. Her profile wasn't visible. I searched multiple times.

"Did she block you?" said Rahul.

"Why would she? Search from yours." I asked Rahul.

It was not visible there too.

"I think she deleted it."

"What? No. I don't have any other way to contact her."

"Rishika might have her number." Rahul said.

"Unfortunately, no. But I can ask some girls."

"No, Why would I call her? That's creepy."

I left and skipped school to get some space.

"Where are you going? They would have already left, maybe." Farhan asked me.

"I don't know. I'm not going to her house."

I wasn't hurt like this ever before in my life. I went to the NIT riverside and sat around. I was wondering why didn't she tell me about it yesterday. If she knew, why did she give that book to me? Maybe, it was real quick.

When you have a hundred sheep and lose any one of them. It is funny how you don't care about the 99 you have and go searching for the one which is lost. That is life. Letting go isn't always easy. Sometimes, you love someone and still let them go.

It wasn't a big deal. She was just my high school crush. We had a moment the other day. She left and I should continue with my life. The day taught me a lot of things. It was the havoc.

# THE FALL

I returned from the riverside at the time when school ends. This was the first time that I had skipped school. I was worried if my parents would know. But, I reached home and everything was as usual. I got to my room. That day I figured out many things. I had to let go.

My weakness is getting attached to people very quickly. She didn't even care if I exist until the 1st of July, but it hurt me when she left. Letting go isn't easy for everyone. Not to me particularly.

I realized that I had only 6-7 months left for JEE and for boards. I had to do something to get a good college and play cricket. I was carrying a broken heart and this was the time when the iron was hot and could be shaped after a hit by the hammer.

I stopped going to school more often. Nothing was left there. I had read, Paper Towns by John Green and how Quentin founds out Margo. But, I was not going to do anything like that. I thought only about my upcoming exams now. I shifted my focus more to the coaching classes and started studying like hell.

If you have been in senior year, you would know how fast the months from July to December go. And, it was the 7th of November. Almost end of the fall and I had covered most of my syllabus. Also, On this day an year ago I had met her for the first time. Rishika had sent me her number in between those months, even though I didn't ask for it. To be honest, I thought I had moved on with my life. I looked at my phone. I thought I should call her. I didn't know what was going through my mind but I called her.

"Hello" said a female.

I didn't say anything. The voice repeated.

"Hey, it's Neil." I said after the pause.

"Hey, Neil. Whom are you looking for?"

"Um.. Are you Amisha?" I said in stammering voice.

"No, I think you dialed the wrong one."

"Yeah, yeah I guess I did. I am sorry."

"Okay, No big deal. That's cool."

"Yes. Have a good day."

I hanged up.

Rishika wouldn't have given the wrong number. Maybe, she had changed her number. It was the last hope. I didn't think about her after that.

I seldom left my house. I wasn't sure if folks at school even remember me. I didn't meet Rahul and Farhan often as our coaching had finished the syllabus. They seldom called me.

It was around 5 o'clock. I left home for a walk. Mom asked me carry another hoodie over sweater. That's a mom thing. I got outside walked down the streets. I was around Rajendra Nagar overbridge. A couple of guys asked me address of some shop. I guided them to there.

I reached the Boring Road and went to the same café where I met her. I sat around and asked for a drink. I was sitting there watching outside through the window. I took the book she gave me and started reading it. I have read it a several times because I didn't have the other half. I tried to find the book like everywhere. I checked it online, after deep search I had found a website but it didn't ship to India. I wanted to know what happened to Steve and Alyssa, the protagonists of the novel. I had never thought that the next day I go to school I won't see her. Things change too quick. That's the paucity of time.

My phone beeped. The text read, "Turn around dude."

I turned around and saw Farhan and Rishika standing behind.

"You could have just called out my name and I would have turned around."

"Yeah, you're right but this was Rishika's idea."

"No, it was yours. Don't lie." Rishika said and hit him.

"Okay, I admit it." he said and laughed.

"Okay, guys stop arguing. Who wants hot chocolate?"

"Good idea, Neil."

We sat and were having hot chocolates. It was 20 degrees outside.

"So, you two are going to college together."

"Yes, we hope. We are thinking about graduation in literature from PU."

"Good, you never told me about that, Farhan."

"Yes, PCM is not my thing."

"What about Amisha, did you try to call her?"

"Yes, but the number wasn't correct."

"No, it can't. She might have changed it."

"Maybe, I don't care." I said but I knew I did.

"But you did, months ago."

"Not now. I just need a perfect JEE score to get into a good college."

"All our best wishes with you, brother."

I left the place and reached home at around 8 p.m. I saw Rahul sitting there talking to my Dad. He said that Rahul had been waiting for an hour. I asked him to come upstairs to my room. Mom came and gave us snacks.

"Good to see you alive." said Rahul.

"Yes, thank you."

He gave me a stare.

"I have just been busy with my studies."

"You are not the only one who is studying. Did you know that?"

"Oh! Come on, Don't act like kids. Did you fill JEE form or you're too opting for journalism?"

"Yes, I filled."

"Good, What happened to your body? It's changed."

"I have been going to the Gym lately. Maybe, if that's what you are asking."

"Oh! But that just changes your body, not your face I guess."

"Fuck you. I just go there because of Anya."

"Wait, Don't tell me she's...."

"She is."

Oh! Dang.

Rahul comes by Neil.

"How's it going?" he says.

"Fine, You didn't sleep yet. There's office tomorrow."

"It is 2nd of October, and if my facts are right it is a national holiday."

Rahul looks at the screen.

"Wait, why are you writing these things about me? It's your story, dork."

"It's all truth, man." Neil says and laughs.

"What if Anusha reads this?"

"I guess she knows about you already, lol."

"Wait... how? Does she?"

"Man, if you love her there should be nothing to hide."

"Yes, I know."

Neil continues his work.

# COLLEGE

1 YEAR LATER

I got up, trimmed my beard and went to the bathroom for a bath. I got my clothes ironed, made my hair and got outside. It was a bright sunny day. It was the Delhi Technical University formerly known as the Delhi College of Engineering. My JEE score was good enough to get Computer Science here. It was good there. My roommate was doing M.Tech, but he cracked UPSC and got away. I lived alone. Farhan and Rishika had got what they wanted. Rahul was lucky enough to get into the JMI with CS in the last round of counseling.

We met often on the weekends.

I needed to get to class. It was Friday and we had class from 8 a.m. to 11 a.m. only. I was that good guy there. I finished assignments on time, they never found drugs in my room and I didn't smoke. I didn't drink but only once on Rahul's girl's birthday. He made me do it, I swear, only once. Also, that girl is not his' anymore.

Rahul had called me last night to come by his hostel. I attended the lectures, had lunch and took the metro to his university at around 4 p.m. Rahul was at his hostel. He had asked me to go to a nearby cafeteria where he had a date. He is a pro.

"Wait.. Why are you taking me with you then? I am not well dressed and I smell like fish." I said.

"Just come with me don't ask such questions." He said and walked ahead.

"Wow, Okay maybe I can give you some tips to last longer on bed. Isn't that the reason you taking me there?" I said and laughed. He gave me a stare and remained silent. We reached there and saw a girl, no two sitting there. Maybe she had come with a friend.

Rahul asked me to follow him to that table. I asked him about the second girl but he didn't answer. Chaaya, was Rahul's date there. She introduced me and Rahul to her friend, Riya. I just greeted her. Rahul asked to order something. They started looking at the menu and I pinched Rahul and said, "Okay, What now?"

"Just talk to her man." he said. I asked them to excuse us and took Rahul aside and said, "About what, the integration of cos x or the value of gravitational constant on moon?"

"Maybe, but you just need to get laid." he said. I replied, "No, I don't. So, this is the reason you got me here. You need me to get laid. You just want to cyranoid me with your girlfriend's friend."

"You are getting me wrong. Look, Riya thinks that you know that you are on a date with her. Don't disappoint her."

"Wait..What? This was preplanned? You still think that I am a nerd. You forgot how I drank bear on your ex-girlfriend's birthday."

"Well, that doesn't makes you cool. You are still a nerd." he said and laughed. I looked at him weirdly and we moved towards the table.

We were on the table. Rahul and Chaaya were talking about something I didn't have any clue. Riya was just out there looking at me hoping that I'd break the ice, as they say. But, then Rahul did what people do while cyranoiding someone. He asked us to excuse and told Chaaya to go with him outside for a moment. On the other side, I was worried about the test match between India and England. I was missing the action and they were streaming some songs there, not the match. I wasn't ignoring her but I was on my phone checking the scores. I didn't realize that she saw, "So, you like cricket?"

"Um.. Yeah I do and I play." I said.

"Cool, We can just ask them to tune into the match. There are not more people around and you don't have to sneak into your phone." she said. I didn't know if she was offended or she liked cricket in whites at the Lords. "If you don't mind." I said. "No, I don't." she replied. They switched to the match and I started looking towards the television. I didn't know why I wasn't talking to her.

"That's a loud appeal for lbw. The umpire has given it not out, should they review it?" the commentator on mic said. "That's out. Take the review." I shouted in excitement. "Not out." Riya said. India took review and it was actually not out. "Wow, you know well about cricket.' I said. "Um.. Yes, my Dad watches a lot. This is the Duke ball and it's just the twentieth over, it swings much and thus it missed the leg stump." she said and I was in awe.

We started talking and watched the match. We got along well. Rahul and Chaaya came in and they felt that their plan succeeded, but did it?

We left the place and Riya and me had exchanged contact informations. Rahul asked me about how did it go. I said that I didn't like her but she knows well about cricket so we got along well. Rahul laughed and walked me to the metro, I left. I reached my room and saw Riya's text.

"I said they would enforce the follow-on, look they did." she had texted. "Yes, tough luck." I replied. "I hope we can watch another cricket match sometime." she wrote. "Yeah, sure I guess." I texted. "You guess, you are not sure." she said. "No, I didn't mean that. Okay, Sunday 5 p.m. for sure." I texted. "Yes, that would be awesome; day 4 at Lords."

"Yes, same place?" I asked. "Yes, but only us." she replied. "Um.. Yes, I don't think Rahul and Chaaya have any knowledge about dukes and kookaburras, haha." I said. "Haha, yes." she

replied. I put my phone on charge and slept.

It was Sunday and I started getting ready for a cricket match date. I shouldn't call it a date. I put over some decent clothes and fragranced myself with some perfume. I texted Riya that I am leaving. Rahul didn't know about it. It was fall and the sun wasn't on its full potential.

I reached there earlier. I waited for a bit to see Riya coming.

"Hey, it's not too late. We just need 6 more wickets to win this game." I said. "Hey, Yes we are going to win" she said. We sat around and supported India to win that test match. We left that place and were sitting around a park.

"So, what are you studying here?" I asked. "I am doing BA in from M Agrasen College." she replied. "So, you'll probably get a chance to interview Indian cricketers." I said and smiled. "Yes, I hope." she said and laughed. "What about you? Chaaya told me you are at the DTU." she added. "Yes, I am doing computer science engineering there. Hope they place me somewhere."I said. "Yes, All the best."

"Would you mind having milkshakes?" I asked. "Never" she replied. We went to a milkshake takeaway stall nearby. I asked her what flavor would she like. She asked for a pumpkin smoothie. Someone, used to call me pumpkin. I asked for an oreo. "So, this isn't the first time you are on a date, are you?" she said. "So, this is a date." I said and smiled. I walked her to the bus stop and left.

I had a class on the next day at 8 a.m. and it was 11 p.m. already. I went straight to bed. I removed the books lying around on the bed and started illuminating them on the shelf. A book fell down on my feet. It was the same book Amisha gave me in high school, the day before she left. I hadn't thought about her for months. I picked up the book and turned the pages. I saw the last page it had was 121. I thought if I could ever complete that book. Its crème pages had turned more crème but I had preserved them. It was about two years ago when I met her for the first time. And, then I was there at DTU, went on a date with my friend's, girlfriend's friend. And that too when he cyranoid me.

# PAGE NO. 122

I was getting along with Riya pretty well. We hung out often. We texted a lot. The thing was that I never felt with her like I once felt with Amisha. I liked her but not in that way. Rahul was worried that I didn't get laid. I never saw Riya like that. She was just a good friend to me.

To be honest, in order for the energy of love to penetrate your soul, your soul must be like of a new born. You need to forget your personal history, making the path clear for the energy to penetrate. I wasn't able to do that. I thought that me and Riya can be endgame but I was never able to feel that. I always wanted to tell her that I can't be what she wants me to be, but I was never able to get the courage, I didn't wanted to hurt her but it would have made things worse if I told her later.

Diwali came, I wasn't able to go home, we were having holiday for the weekend but I needed to stay there and study. I knew if I went, my holidays would become longer. Mom had tried every possible way to make me come but I had exams starting the next month and I couldn't compromise. Rahul had gone. I was alone there. I thought I would celebrate Diwali sitting here in my hostel room alone. Then, I got a call from Riya, a day before Diwali. She had invited me to her house to join for Diwali celebrations. I was nervous to face her parents. I was reluctant but she made me to come. I went to the market and bought some sweets to take with me. I put up a black kurta and a jacket as it was cold outside. I left for her house.

She had asked me to call her when I reach the address, it was the first time I was going to her house. Riya had sent her brother to pick me up from there. I asked him his name, it was Dhruv. He was in 10th , I told him that I scored ninety-two percentage in 10th just to motivate him or to pressurize him, maybe. We reached her house. It was nice, they had some area in front of their house where children could play cricket. Riya was on the front door to take me inside. I went inside and her Dad was sitting on the sofa in the living area. He asked me to sit. I handed the packet of sweets to Riya. I told him that I was Riya's friend. I later added that I was doing CSE from DTU.

He was watching a cricket match on the television and was delighted to know that I was a cricket player. We started talking about it and bonded well together. Riya told me that her mom was a doctor and she had to go to the hospital as there was an emergency. She asked me to follow her upstairs I got into her room and I had never seen my room either at hostel or home be in such manner. How do girls manage it to keep so clean?

I sat there, it was around 4 p.m. and there was much time left for the Puja. I sat on her bed next to her. "I can't believe you had never had a girlfriend." She said.

"Um.. this is me. Have you had a boyfriend or something." I said and laughed. "Yes, in high school. Don't tell me you are a virgin." she said.

"Well, I am. I think sometimes it's better to wait." I said and laughed.

"Haha, you are weird and cute at the same time man." she said and l looked into my eyes. She moved closer. I got up and moved towards her bookshelf and started to look at her collection of novels. "You have some good novels." I said.

"Yes, thank you." she replied. I turned back and she moved closer to me. I was nervous. I didn't want it to happen. I didn't want to hurt her. She put her hands on my shoulders and kissed me. I thought it would be embarrassing for her if I backed off. I let her do it. I then realized that it was not good for either of us. I made her stop. "Is something wrong?" she asked. "No, It's not you it's me." I replied. " Why, what's wrong?" she asked again. "Riya, I always wanted to tell you that.." I stammered.

"What? That you don't like me. I am not good enough for you?" she said. "No, I didn't meant that. I like you. You are nice, kind and beautiful." I said. "Okay, I am sorry." she said and sat on the bed. I sat next to her and said, "You don't have to be sorry, it was me who ruined everything." I was feeling weird because I still hadn't told her that I didn't love her.

"Yeah, let's not think it happened." she said. "Yeah, I wasn't ready for that." I replied. I stood up and started looking at her bookshelf again.

I looked closely and took out an old torn out book. It didn't have any cover. I looked the first page. The book started from page no. 122.

I turned the pages and it was the same book. The same book that Amisha gave me 2 years ago. The same book of which I possessed the first half. How did it reach Riya?

"Wait, Where did you get this book?" I asked Riya. "I got it from the book market. But why? What's so special in this book?" she said. "Would you mind if I take this? And which book market?" I asked her. "No, you can for sure. I got it from Chawari Bazaar." She said. "Oh, can you remember the name of the shop?" I asked. "I bought several books, I might have the bill. Let me check." she said. She looked into a drawer and wasn't able to find it. She checked another one and it was there. She gave it to me and asked me why I was so excited about this book. I said it's no big deal and I had to leave. She asked me to at least attend the Puja. I agreed because I didn't want to disappoint her more.

I stayed to attend the Puja, they asked me to stay for dinner. I did and left after the dinner. It was nice to see them not lighting crackers. I took the book and the bill with me and Riya walked me to the road and I got an auto. I asked the auto to go Chawari Bazaar. The name of the shop was,

"All In One Book Store." I reached there and after a while I found the shop. The shop was closed and it was me who was dumb enough to expect a shop to be open on Diwali. I got disappointed and sat around in front of the shop. A man passed by, he asked me what I was doing there on Diwali eve. I said that I wanted to buy some books from that particular store. He said the shop will be closed for two more days and will reopen on Monday. It was Saturday and I had to wait long to meet the shop owner and ask him about the book.

I got back to my hostel. I kept the bill inside a drawer and took out the first half of the book from my bookshelf. I put them together in order, and looked at it. I wondered how it reached Riya, what a fucking small world. Amisha had moved to Chandigarh and this book came to a book store in Delhi. I realized that I was trying to find her. I didn't know why? I wasn't over her. I just knew her for months then, she just gave me a book and I was trying search for her in some other town.

I had Riya there, she liked me or maybe loved me. I didn't think about her. All I was doing was to hurt her by not telling her the truth. I didn't care about everything I had and was trying to do something that would ruin everything. In that goddamn book I read somewhere, "You don't care about the things you have when you want something you love. You will give up everything for it." And I couldn't relate more.

I texted Rahul that I found the book. He asked me to forget about it as it didn't really matter. He was coming back on Sunday. I couldn't wait for like two days. I couldn't sleep. Maybe, I could complete the book then. I started reading it. I read it the whole night and completed like 100 pages. I was tired and slept at about 5 a.m. When I opened my eyes, it was 2 p.m. I checked my phone and it read 21 missed calls and several texts from Riya. I was like, Oh Dang! After everything that happened that night and now me not answering her calls and texts would have made her think that I was trying to distance her from me. I called her immediately,

"Hello, Riya. What's up?"

"Di, is not here. She went outside and left her phone." Said Dhruv after picking my call.

"Um..Okay, Tell her that I called asking for her." I said and hanged up.

We didn't have classes on weekends. I had already skipped the breakfast. I went to the hostel's mess for lunch.

I came back to my hostel room and continued reading the book as only 80-90 pages were left. I was constantly checking my phone for any further text or call from Riya but it didn't come.

The thing was I never wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to tell her that she was better off without me. I wanted to tell her that I couldn't be what she wanted.

I read about 10 pages and kept the book aside on the table. It was around 5 p.m. and the sun was about to set. It generally does early in the fall. My windows were reflecting the orange color coming from the giant sun.

Even, that giant thing has to set down sometime. And the relatively small, moon appears. Everyone have their opportunities. You just need to capitalize on them. Nothing comes to you automatically. Even the moon requires to use the sun's brightness in order to shine.

# CHASING THE GLEAM

Rahul had come back. I went to the station to pick him up. I showed him the book and he showed no interest. He said that she was gone and there was no point in searching for her. He told me that I need to be with Riya and that was all. I told him that I never loved her and I never could. He told me that I was hurting her.

"I know, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't just go and tell her that I like hanging out with you but I don't love you. You know she likes me now." I said.

"I think that's fucked up." he said.

"Yeah, it surely is." I said and got his bag from the auto as we reached his hostel. We got into his room and he started unpacking. I showed him the bill and told him the name of the shop.

"So, what then? What does that mean? How can you know about her with this?" he said. "Look, if you are not into this, then leave me alone because I gotta do it." I replied and left. I reached my room and took out the book to start reading it again. I was curious for the next day. We had classes till 4 p.m. I couldn't have skipped, not because I was low in attendance, just because I didn't want to. I slept after completing the whole book.

The morning alarm rang and I started getting ready for class. I took a bath, got dressed and put the book in my bag so I could just go there directly after the lecture ended. It was 4 p.m. and all the lectures ended. The 1st year in engineering is the most boring one. They teach the same fucking thing in all branches and that sucks.

I got outside the class and saw Rahul with his bike. He handed me a helmet and asked to sit behind.

"What are you doing here now?" I asked. "What was the name of that shop?" he said and smiled.

"Wait, you...""I'm in. Not because I want to do it, just because you are a prick and you can't do anything by yourself." he said. I hit him and sat behind his bike. We headed to that place.

"You know this can affect your relationship with Chaaya." I said. "I know maybe, but she'll understand and Riya will too." He replied. We reached the place and got to the shop. The storekeeper there asked what we wanted. We showed him the bill and asked where did he get that half of the book. He said the book is rare to find here in India and he got it from some recycling van. The van gave them the used books that can be sold again. I asked him if I can get the details of the recycling van which gave this to him.

"There are many. I know some of them but not all. So, it is hard to remember which one gave this book to me." He said.

"Don't you register the books you take from them by dates?" I asked. "No, It is hard to tell when did this book came to the store." he replied.

"Can you provide me the phone numbers and addresses of some of them?" I asked. "Yes, wait a moment." he replied.

Rahul put his hand on my shoulder and said that we are gonna find her. I nodded my head affirmatively. The storekeeper gave some phone numbers and addresses of the vehicle holders. There were seven of them whom he knew. I told Rahul that we needed to inquire each one of them. Rahul said that there are just seven and we could do it. "Come on, Let's go." he said.

I thanked the storekeeper and came outside. I called the first man, Ram Prasad.

"Hello, Ram Prasad there?" I said. "Yes, I am. Who are you?" he replied. "Um.. I just wanted to meet you and inquire about a book." I said. He said that he lived near the Rohini. I asked Rahul to drive to the address. We reached there and showed him the book.

"Um.. I don't particularly remember this book. It's not possible to. I just check the books and keep them for selling to the book market." he said.

"Okay, Never mind." I said and inquired about the other people on the list. He told us about one of them who lived by the other side of the street.

We went to his house and there was no progress as he had the same answer. We visited two more people and the result was nothing.

We decided to go back and inquire the rest of them the next day. It was 11 p.m. already and I needed sleep badly. I was too tired. I reflected everything what happened that day. I wondered if the rest of them knew anything. It was tough to move all around the territory and inquire book traders about a book and there was least chance to find her with the help of that book. But, it was the only way. It was like chasing the gleam in some dark corner of the universe. I didn't know why I was trying that much to find her. I had let go and not thought about her for long, then what was the point in finding her.

I left the class and Rahul was waiting for me outside again, with his bike. I got behind him. Our next one was someone around Old Delhi. We went there and we didn't get any clue. The another one also nearby but he was mum too. Now, it was left to one. The one last hope, the last roll of dice maybe.

It was someone in Okhla, named Razi. We reached there and he was not there at his house. We called him and he said he could meet at 8 p.m. when he gets back from work. It was 7:00 p.m. then. We had to wait for around an hour. We got to a tea stall nearby and sat there to warm ourselves with cups of tea.

"This is the last one. Do you think we will find anything?" I asked Rahul. "I hope but even if we don't we tried, we tried our best. You shouldn't feel low." he said. I nodded my head and looked at my phone to check the time. It was 7:45 p.m. so we headed out to his house again.

We reached there ten minutes later and waited outside his house. It was 8:15 p.m. now and I decided to call him again. I was just going to call when I saw a shortish, aged, fat bald man coming towards us.

"You are the two guys who called me?" he asked. "Oh! You are Razi. Yeah, we called you earlier." I replied. "Okay, come on in." he said and we followed him into his house. He asked us to sit and offered some water.

"So, you were talking about some book that time on phone." he said. "Um.. Yeah. I wanted some information from you. This was transported to All In One Book Store and I hope you know about it or maybe you had get it there." I said and handed him the book. He looked the book and said it's a rare one as it was published in Portugal and translated to English by some publisher in Canada. He added the fact that we won't be able to find it in India. I nodded my head.

"I don't want to disappoint you but I have no clue." he said and gave me the book back. Rahul looked towards me and said it was okay. I said that I was okay. We thanked him for giving us his time to talk and headed out. We were just leaving when a man came.

"Razi bhai, did you meet Ramesh for the second stock of books?" he asked. Razi replied that he went. He later asked him about us and Razi told him why were we there. I thought that I had met him before and realized he was the same man I met on Diwali night when I visited the All In One Book Store. His name was Rishu. He asked us to meet some guys we already had met.

"There's another man who carries books from Chandigarh and Punjab." he said. I looked at Rahul and he smiled. I asked about that man and he said that he lived nearby and he would take us there. We agreed and followed him. His house was just a couple of streets ahead. We reached there. I had all hope to that man. He brought books from Chandigarh and there was most possibility to get any clue.

We got inside, I was around 9 p.m. and we were

tired enough. We saw Ramesh, Rishu bhai introduced us to him. He told him about the book and showed it to him. He looked at the book for a moment and said, "This is the same book I got from a scrap dealer in Karolbagh. I usually take books from Punjab but that time I got it there."

"Do you know that place and that scrap dealer?" Rahul asked.

"Yes, he is my friend." he replied.

We asked him to get us to him but it was late and he told us that he could go the next day. We agreed and decided to leave. It was too late and Rahul asked me to stay in his hostel that day and leave early in the morning to make it for the first lecture. I was exhausted and didn't resist. We reached his hostel and I went straight to bed.

I got up next day at 6 a.m. and left for the class. I reached on time. I was nervous as it could be the day I meet her again. The class ended and as usual I took the book and left on Rahul's bike. He was giving all his time to help me find her. He was a good friend to me. We called Ramesh and he provided us an address. We followed it and reached a scrap dealer's store. We got inside and saw Ramesh sitting there.

He asked us to sit. We asked him about the places he went for that. He said that the area where his house was the only place he bought scrap from. I wondered why she sold that book as scrap when she liked it. Did she even remember that she gave it to me years ago. Did she even recognize me?

We finally knew that this was the wide piece of land where she existed. We were walking all around that colony. We were tired and decided to sat around in a nearby park.

Rahul bought us diet cokes and we started freshening ourselves from the humidity of the fall. Some kids were playing football there and the ball came towards us. I picked it up to return it. I was just throwing it when Rahul called me from behind and asked me to turn right. I turned rightwards and saw Amisha. So, yeah that was some moment.

The blowing wind became beautiful. It was the month of fall and the dried leaves were flowing with the wind. She was walking slowly, smiling to some old man. It was like I could see her soul through that smile. It seemed like a ray of sunshine got painted over her face, I could endure any pain to see that smile. It was like at that moment, it was just me and her and the world had become a better place. My heart started beating faster. My palms were cold, she was coming towards us.

Rahul waved his hand in front of my eyes and asked me to act casual. I turned around towards Rahul quickly and started acting like it was just a co-incidence. The closer she was moving the faster my heart was beating. She came towards us but went ahead. Didn't she see us?

"Wait, what the fuck !" he said as she crossed us and started talking to some girl there.

"I don't know. You asked me to turn around and act casual. Maybe, she hasn't seen us yet." I said. "Okay, then go and tell her that we are here." Rahul said and tried to push me towards her. I asked him to not do that. Soon after that, she turned around and came back again towards us. She came closer and I started making hand gestures to Rahul like I'm talking to him. She came more closer, and I was avoiding an eye contact.

"Wait, I think I might have seen you." she said and I looked towards her. And I had heard it before. You remember, don't you?

"Wait, are you Amisha?" I asked like I didn't know. "Oh! Yes and you're Neil from St. Xavier's High. How are you? I mean I'm sorry I didn't recognize you." She said.

"Yes, no it's totally fine. And I'm good."

"And he's Rahul, that weird friend of yours. Sorry, no offence." She said and laughed.

"Yes, he won't mind, will you Rahul?" I said and laughed.

"Haha, let's go somewhere. We have lot to talk don't we?" she said and I looked towards Rahul.

"Yeah, sure." I replied. "Sorry guys, you should catch up, Chaaya has some emergency and I have to leave." he said, he wasn't as dumb as he looked.

"Oh! We met after so long." she said. "We can catch up later, for sure." he said.

"Okay, but everything's fine, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah, um.. no everything's okay." he replied.

"Okay, I will call you." I told Rahul. He left and me and Amisha started walking to some café. I was nervous enough and my legs were literally shaking, God knew why? I told her that Rahul hadn't changed since high school. She laughed.

"So, Why are you here? I mean what are you doing here?" she asked. "I am in the DTU, currently with computer science. I came here for a friend and was hanging around that park with Rahul and then you happened." I lied.

"Wow, how is Rishika and others, like what did I miss?" she asked. "She's fine. You actually did. Rishika is in the PU back home." I said and we entered the café and sat there, I was nervous enough to sit in front of her but I had to.

She asked for two milkshakes, "Which one would you like, Neil?" she asked. "Um... the pumpkin one." I replied and smiled. "You remember it, don't you? You're such a pumpkin." she said and laughed.

"What are you doing here? I heard you had moved to Chandigarh. You deleted your Instagram and lost contact with most of the people, including me." I said.

"Yeah, I was in Chandigarh till 12th, our school had a branch there and they moved me there. And, I had to delete my Instagram as I had decided to focus on my studies then before leaving. I'm sorry, I shouldn't had just ghosted. It was all real quick. But, now I'm here in Delhi, doing BBA from GGI University and I live in a hostel nearby. My dad got another transfer to Bengaluru and it is a permanent one." she said."You don't have to be sorry, it was just the circumstances that made that happen." I said.

"Yeah, I guess."

I decided to show her the book. I was hesitating hoping she won't find that creepy. I decided to show it to her. I was taking it out from the inner pocket of my jacket when her phone rang.

I waited and kept it inside again.

"Sorry, I have to take this." she said. "Yeah, sure." I replied, she got up and went aside. I couldn't hear what she was saying over the phone. She hung up and came back.

"Sorry, But would you mind if someone joins us now?" she asked.

"Ah! no, I won't. Who's coming?" I asked.

"Look, he's there." she said and waved her hands to someone. I turned back and saw a guy in black leather jacket, tall and muscular, he looked like bouncer, to be honest. But why would she hire a bouncer. The guy came towards our table."Neil, meet him, he is Sumit. And Sumit, he is Neil, my friend from high school." she said. "Neil, the one who played cricket. You told me earlier." Sumit said. "Yes, that one. And, Neil I want you to know that we are dating for the past months." she said. I was like, what?

"You were a good player mate, she told me about you earlier." Sumit said as he shook hands with me. "Yeah, great if she said so." I said.

I didn't remember what happened after that. I had like lost conscious. They were talking and I was just thinking about my life and why it got directed by Robert B Weide, no offence.

# DOWN IN THE MOUTH

Sometimes, you are the type of person who believes someone's a good bloke even when they have shown multiple times and in every way that they are not. You have this perception for someone you love. You can't accept the fact that sometimes, the person you love is not good for you.

After leaving them, I went back to my hostel. I had reached at about 10 p.m. I was certainly down in the mouth after what happened there. But, I had been in that position earlier. Yet, it

was different, that was high school, we were seventeen. I had put all efforts to find her, later realizing we were in the same town. After all those efforts, I met her to realize she belongs to someone else. Her soul couldn't be connected to mine. Her heart beat for someone else. Someone else made her happy and I wasn't the one.

I was walking to my room when I saw Himesh, a guy from my branch. We had classes together. He was with his roommate whom I didn't know. He asked me to come in. I got inside and sat around. I wasn't in a good mood and wanted to be in my room as soon as possible.

"You look a bit down, man." Himesh said. "Yeah, um.. no. I mean no, I'm fine." I said in a stammering tone.

"I think you're hiding the pain. No problem, we can get over this." he said and asked his roommate to take it out of the cupboard. It was alcohol. "Wait, what are you doing? This is not allowed." I said.

"Many things are not allowed. Break some rules, be a man dude." he said and handed me the can. "But, I don't drink." I replied. "What? But you should. There's nothing wrong." he compelled me to drink.

I was totally down and didn't know what to do, so I decided to take the can.

I opened it and started drinking it."Wait, one doesn't drink it like that. Take some cold drink in the glass and dilute it, man and go slow. I think this is the first time." Himesh said.

I did what he said and I didn't remember how much I drink. But, I know that I drank enough to not remember how much I drank. And enough that Himesh and his roommate had to carry me to my room without getting caught. I remember Rahul had called me. I talked to him weirdly and he was worried about me.

My eyes opened next morning and it was 11 a.m. already and I missed the class. My attendance was fine so that wasn't a problem at all. I checked my phone and it was obvious to see 19 missed calls from Rahul.

I called him back.

"Come outside." Rahul said as soon as I called him. I went outside my hostel and saw Rahul on his bike. I went down and sat around in the canteen. We both were silent and Rahul was giving me a weird stare.

"What?" I asked. "Do you think I need to ask something?" he replied.

"Okay, I just drank last night." I said.

"Here, in your hostel room. You might had got caught ." he said. "Yes, I know but I was not in a good mood and it just happened." I replied."Wait, what do you mean by 'not good mood'? I think it was the best day of your life. You met her. What else could be good? Did something happen there?" he asked.

"Lol, something." I said and smiled. "What?" he asked. "Nothing, after you left and we went to that café and after a while a guy showed up. That guy happened to be her boyfriend and here I am shitting myself in college canteen." I said.

"What? She has a boyfriend, like Aarav 2.0." he said. "I don't know man, there's nothing I can do now, I have done everything I could. Maybe I shouldn't had found her." I said. "Don't be down, man. This is not your fault. What about Riya? Did she knows about Amisha?" Rahul said. "Oh! Shit" I replied and checked my inbox. There was neither a text from her nor a call. I had been ignoring her for these days. I told Rahul that the last time we met something bad happened and I regretted that. He asked me to call her and apologize. I called her but it didn't connect. I asked Rahul to call Anusha and ask about her. Rahul called Anusha and asked about her. Anusha told that she hadn't heard from her

for a while. I told Rahul that I would check upon her by visiting her. Rahul left, and asked me not to drink. I went to my room to get ready. Someone knocked the door and I asked him to come in. He was Dhruv, Riya's brother. I asked him to sit. He told me that he was in a hurry as he had to attend his coaching classes and gave me a white sheet of paper telling me that Riya asked him to give it to me. He went away and I opened the sheet which read;

"Hey Neil, it's me Riya.

If you are reading this today then probably I'm too far from you now. I wouldn't be even in this country. I wanted to tell you about it. I got a scholarship of the Emerson College in Boston and I would be joining soon. When I got their email I was in doubt to go there as I knew, that it would be difficult to move in some other country where you don't know anyone. Leaving everyone you love and your country seemed tough to me. I wanted to ask you if I should go.

But that day, I was walking around and went to grab a coffee. I went to a café and saw you with a girl there. You were talking to her and looked happy. I thought it would be better if I don't go in there and disturb you. You had been ignoring me for days and I decided that I need to let you go. I knew it would be tough for me because if you didn't know, I have always admired you. You are kind and nice and cute. You have a beautiful soul and every moment that I have spent with you will live forever with me, those were perennial moments.

Being with you I felt complete. I also wanted to apologize about that Diwali night. I want to let you know that I loved you. And, "if you love someone, you need to learn to let them go." This was a line from the book you borrowed from me the last time we met. I, now look forward to complete my journalism here and probably interview Indian cricketers as you said.

I want to see you happy, even if I am not there I want you to promise me that you'll always be happy no matter what. I want you to promise me that you'll follow your dreams. I need you to be happy with whoever you are. I could have texted you this but I'm giving up everything. Maybe, if life makes us encounter again at some point of time. I would wait for that time. And lastly, I love you."

I read it and I cried. I banged my fist on the wall, threw everything that was on my bed and the study table. I thought that I was a fucking loser. She loved me and I chose someone who didn't even care for my existence, over her.

Amisha didn't love me. I put all my time and efforts finding her just to know that she belonged to someone else. We often don't care about the people who love us and go chasing for the ones who don't love us. It is hard to chose between these two. We always chose the person we love not the one from whom we are getting loved.

Time makes us realize our choices. We get to know if we were wrong or correct.

At that point of my life I didn't know what to do. I lost everyone, it seemed everything was getting out of my hands, just like the desert sand from ones fist. I went outside and got to the Yamuna riverside.

I liked being alone in moments like those. I picked out a white flower and was gazing at it when a tear drop from my eye dropped like dew.

# THE TURNDOWN

6 MONTHS LATER

I didn't know how fast these 6 months passed. I was in like quasi depression. I was isolated to most of the people, even Rahul and Farhan too. I didn't talk on phone except to my parents. I attended the classes regularly because I couldn't just had ghosted from the lectures and have a back year. I didn't want to let my parents down. But, I didn't keep up with my grades and it was just the second year. I needed to work on them to get a nice job after college. Those days were tough for me after everything that happened half an year ago. I was not sure about what to do, I was out of fuel and constantly pushing myself to not quit.

It was a Sunday evening and I was sitting around the window in my room looking at the orange sky. My phone rang, it was Rishika.

"Hey, Rishika" I said and heard her crying. "Is everything okay, why are you crying?" I added. "Neil, Farhan..." she said in a broken voice. "What? Did he hurt you? Wait, I'll call him and scold him about it." I said. "No, Neil he is in the ICU." she said and cried.

"What? ICU, why, what happened?" I asked. "He had an accident while on his bike, his bike crashed into a truck. And they brought him here at the PMCH." she replied. "What? How is he now? Is he okay?" I asked. "The doctors are saying that he has lost a lot of blood." she said.

"Don't worry. He'll be fine. I'm coming." I said and hanged up. I called Rahul afterwards and he got our tickets. I packed my bag as Holi holidays were goint to start in a week and left for the airport the next day. We reached Patna.

We got a cab and reached the PMCH first before home.

We got inside and saw Rishika, Farhan's parents and her brother. They were crying. I went to

Rishika and asked "What happened? How is he now?" I asked. Rishika was mum. Sooner, I saw the doctor moving Farhan on a moving bed and one of the compounders waived his hands on his eyes and closed them. I was awestruck and looked at Rahul. I couldn't move, Rishika came towards me and started crying after hugging me. I couldn't say a word, life was laughing on me. I ran away from there and sat alone. He was my childhood pal. We learned to walk together, we learned to play cricket together, we started going to school together and he had left this world.

His soul had left his body, I won't be able to talk to him ever again.

I returned home and Mom and Dad came to console me. Dad said that it was part of one's life to die. Everyone dies, it was just that Farhan died young. I cried on dad's shoulders.

Next day we went to the funeral, I couldn't believe life would be that much tough. I had suffered all amount of pain I could have in those 6 months. They taught me a lot of things.

Pain demands to be felt. Pain makes you tough and resilient. If you feel that pain, you know how it feels to be in that position and that makes you ready to overcome any kind of pain you get in your life in future. I didn't know how much pain of my quota was left in God's book.

It was HoIi the next day and I couldn't bear to be there without Farhan. There was not a single time I celebrated the festival without him, From my first holi to the last one. I couldn't forget painting the shit out of him and how we looked like jokers. But, those days of pain and suffering had taught me to let go.

I went to his house to talk to his parents, I got to his room and took the ball he had from the match he took a 5-wicket haul. I asked his parents if I could keep this with me and they had no problem.

Rahul had to stay back home as his semester had ended and he wouldn't be going back for two months atleast. I had my tickets of the two days later to Holi. Mom had tried her best to stop me to stay for that week. But, I needed some space and be busy in activities to forget everything. The more I got reminded of things that happened to me, the more I would have got into depression.

I left, dad and Rahul dropped me to the railway station. I reached the next day. I got to my room and brought things back to normal. As, it was all messed up since the evening I got that call from Rishika. I had classes continuing from the next day so I slept early. I got up, went to class, I couldn't study. It was like my mind was somewhere else.

I had thought to maintain my scores for this year. I started studying vigorously, day and night. After, a week, we had a test and I scored fairly well, I hoped everything was getting normal again.

But, that was my life and I doubted how I was doing fairly well with it until I got a call. It was an unknown number. I picked it up, a female voice. "Hello, Who is this?" I asked

"Hello, Neil. I'm Amisha." The voice said. I was surprised. "Yes, Amisha. How are you?" I asked.

"No, I'm not. I need your help." She said and started crying. "Wait, don't cry. What happened? Tell me." I said. "You remember Sumit?" she said. Of course I did remember that piece of shit, "Yes, your boyfriend. I do remember him." I said. "Neil, I'm pregnant." She said. Why was she telling me that she should have told her boyfriend it was not my kid. "What? Is it Sumit's? You are barely 20." I said. "He's denying it. I hope it was a mistake. You are the only other person I know in this town, that's why I called you." she said and cried again. "How can he deny this? Don't cry." I said.

"I want to meet you." she said and I hanged up. I was in doubt to go and meet her. It was her choice, that guy got her pregnant and then denied it. She asked me for help, and why should I? I sat and thought about it for long and then called Rahul.

I told him what had happened. He told me to do what my heart said.

"I don't know. It is like I never knew her." I said. "What do you mean? Look, I have slept with a lot of girls since high school, you know the truth. What does that makes me, a player? And Amisha, made a mistake which landed her in trouble, she slept with a guy and that makes her a slut? You love her or maybe loved her. She needs you and you're backing off." He replied.

"Well, you're right but I didn't mean that. I think I need to be nice to people. What others do to you doesn't matter. You need to be yourself. You need to treat people how you were taught." I said. "Exactly, be yourself. She needs you." he said. I agreed and called her back. She had asked me to come to the Hauz Khas Village. I reached there soon.

I saw her after 6 months. I was nervous because I still liked her. I saw her and she looked different. I went to her and asked her if she was fine.

She replied that she didn't know what to do. She had parents back home and she didn't

want to let them down. She started crying and I asked her to stop.

"We will figure out this whole thing, you don't have to worry. I have got your back. First, tell me how did it happen and why is Sumit denying the fact that it is his kid?" I asked. "I don't remember. We didn't have sex because I wasn't ready then. We had decided to wait for the right time. I didn't know how it happen. I think maybe after that party, something happened." she replied. "What do you mean by you don't remember? And what party?" I asked. "I didn't remember having sex. And, it was that party, Sumit's friend's birthday, I drank a lot. Sumit got me to his house where there was no one. I didn't remember what happened after that. I think maybe that day." she replied.

"You were drunk, you didn't remember then it was not consensual. That is apparently rape." I said. "I don't know." she said and started crying.

"And did you ask him why he's denying his own child?" I asked. "I am trying to call him for the last two months but he has blocked my number, I went to his house once but he didn't respond." she said. "What do you mean by two months? When did this happen?" I asked. "I noticed my periods stopping three months ago and I had doubts. I visited a doctor and she told me that I was pregnant."

"And you are telling it to me now!" I said and smiled. "Sorry, but I was in doubts. I didn't want you to judge me." she said. "So, what do you want? Do you want that child?" I asked. "I don't know." she replied.

"You know what, we need to go to the police. We need to put him behind the bars. He did wrong. If that was not consensual we need to sue him." I said. "No, please don't do this. I love him." she said.

"Oh, ya you do, of course. I don't know what do you want from me. You don't want me to help you. You need to tell me what I need to do in order to make things right." I said in a loud voice. "You think this is my mistake. You won't understand." she said. "Oh, yes I won't because I can't. You don't know how much I lost because of you." I shouted on her. She looked at me and started crying. I shouldn't have shouted like that. I was just frustrated when she said that she loved him. I left the place and ran to Sumit's house. I knew the address. I was too angry and frustrated. I wanted to beat the shit out of him to make him admit what he did. This turndown of events had made me strong. I was never this much angry with myself.

I lost Farhan and was much frustrated that week and then this. I was angry at everyone even with myself. Life was throwing its hardest challenges and making me tough. I didn't know what I would do. But the worst was yet to come.

# THE BRAWL

I went to Sumit's house. I didn't have his number so I had to knock the door. A man came out, I asked him for Sumit and he said that he was not home. He immediately closed the door and I moved away.

I saw his bike parked there. I doubted what the man had said so I peeped through one of his windows and saw him drinking with some guys including the man who lied me about Sumit earlier.

I went towards the gate and knocked again. The same guy appeared and this time I pushed him in and walked inside. He shouted and asked me to stop but I didn't. I walked to the room where he was sitting. The man who was on the gate tried to stop me but Sumit said that he knew me and let me come.

"Hey, man come on. Sit here, we are having a good time." Sumit said. "Yes, of course" I replied and sat on the sofa. He asked me to have a drink but I refused saying that I didn't drink. He still resisted me and forced a glass towards my mouth. I hit the glass and it knocked Sumit's nose and the drink fell all over his clothes. He looked at me angrily. His boys shouted at me and were going to hit me when Sumit asked them to stop.

"Why did you do that to her?" I shouted. "Oh! So you now that she got fucked by a guy and got pregnant." he said and laughed.

"It is your child and you can't deny the fact. You had sex with her without her consent, you need to be behind the bars. I will not leave you." I said.

"Okay, I fucked her. So, she was my girlfriend. I asked her to abort it but she refused. That's not my fault. It is on her. She needs to live with it." he said.

"She loves you, you needed to be with her. You clearly didn't deserve her.

You raped her." I said. "She wanted it." he said. "She didn't say that she wants to have sex with you. How can you even say that she wanted it." I said. "She was drunk, she was behaving like a slut. She clearly wanted it." he said. I got angry when he said that about her and hit him on the jaw with my fist.

He asked his guys to attack me. They came to hit me and I tried to save myself. I hit each of them. They were 5 plus one, Sumit. One of the guys took out a hockey stick and started beating the shit out of me. I grabbed the bear bottle and threw it on one of the guys on his head. It hit him hard and his head started bleeding. I was dumb enough to think I could beat 6 people alone and didn't run away.

I remembered the last time I fought, in high school Rahul saved us. But, he was not with me this time. They soon came to me and attacked me again. I was out of energy and couldn't fight more. They hit me everywhere, they pushed me outside the house and a guy hit me with the hockey stick on the head and I was losing conscious.

I remember Sumit called Amisha and told him about me and that he has sent me to a hospital. I remember opening my eyes, I saw Amisha. I was trying to get up but my body didn't co-operated. Amisha asked me to be laid.

She told me that she had called Rahul and he sent Chaaya to look after me. I told her that she didn't do right as I didn't want people to think I was a loser."You didn't need to do that, what do you think you could do? You know, something bad could have happened." she said. "Huh! It was the only way. You didn't want to report him. He doesn't accept the child. So, what else can one do." I said.

Chaaya came in and asked how was I. I replied that I was feeling good then.

"Get fine soon, you need to go to the police station. Amisha needs you." Chaaya said. "What? Why, police station?" I asked.

"She told me everything and she wants to file an F.I.R against Sumit. Rahul couldn't come anytime soon as his grandmother is quite ill." She said. I looked at Amisha and asked her if she was sure if she wanted to do it. She said she was reluctant because she loved her. But, now she had realized about his truth. I apologized her for shouting on her the last time we met.

I was happy that she finally stood up against him. We needed to go to the police station. Before that I needed to stand up on my legs. I had cuts on my head and several wounds around my hands and legs. I was lucky to not break a bone.

Amisha gave me the medicines and asked me to take rest. She sat all day long with me. Chaaya had left as she had classes. Amisha stayed till night and left for her hostel.I got up the next day and they discharged me from the hospital. I could walk on my legs, I just got a bandage on my head. That looked weird. I had been missing classes for a couple of days but that wasn't a problem, my overall attendance was fine.

Amisha had come to pick me. I told her that we needed to go to the police station that day. She told me that I needed rest and we could go anytime later. I resisted and said I want to do it that day. She agreed. She said that we should have called Chaaya but I told her to not bother her. I told her that I was with her.

We took an auto and went to the police station. We sat outside as they were doing lunch.

"Are you sure you can do it?" I asked Amisha. "Yes, I need to do it." she replied. "Look, I know it's going to be hard for you but be bold, be confident and don't care about what others say.

You have to be yourself." I said and she nodded her head. She clearly looked nervous and I knew how tough would it be for her.

We got inside after a moment. We sat in front of the inspector; fat, brown, red mouthed eating paan. He asked us the problem and we said that we needed to file an F.I.R.

"Okay, What sort of F.I.R?" he asked."About rape." I replied. "A rape. Who suffered? Who was the guy?" he asked. I looked at Amisha and nodded my head to give her confidence to speak. He called a constable and asked him to report what Amisha said.

"Start from the very beginning." The officer said.

"It happened after that party. I was drunk, I couldn't walk properly, my boyfriend Sumit got me to his house and got me to his bed. I was unconscious and he might had sex which I believe was not consensual. Now, I'm pregnant and he is denying that it is his child." she said.

"That doesn't make sense. How can you call it a rape? He was your boyfriend?" he asked.

"Yes" she replied. "Were you drunk?" he asked.

"Yes, I was." she replied. "And, you were wearing short clothes?"

"Wait, what are you asking? This is the twenty

first century! How can you even ask like this?" I shouted.

"Neil, let them." Amisha said. "No, they can't. I can't stay here." I said.

"Stop! These are parts of investigation. You shouldn't walk out like this." The officer said.

Amisha asked me to sit and I agreed. "Look, you were with your boyfriend and you were drunk. You both were at his house, you had sex. You're saying that he didn't ask for your consent. You can't say that's rape. Your boyfriend might got seduced by the type of clothes you were wearing and it might had happened. I would advise you to move on." he said.

"I can't believe you are saying this. You are asking her to move on. Do you know how much that is for a woman to get raped? I can't stay any long here with these so-called literate civil servants." I said and asked Amisha to leave. She followed me. The officer shouted for us to stop but we didn't. We came outside and sat around. I told her that we would send Sumit behind the bars. He would pay for what he did.

After a while, she said that she was feeling dizziness. I asked her to leave to her hostel.

She agreed. She got up and we started walking. After a couple of steps, she fainted. I spread my arms around her to prevent her from falling.

I got scared and shouted for an auto. An auto stopped and I took her inside. I asked him to head towards the hospital.

We reached the hospital and got her in the emergency ward.

I sat outside and waited for the doctor.

The doctor came after a while. I stood up and asked, "How is she? What happened?"

"She's totally fine. You don't have to worry." she replied and asked me to come with her.

She sat on her chair and asked me to sit. I sat there.

"These are just regular pregnancy complications. You should have already told me that she was pregnant. She just had dehydration, as a result she fainted. I have given her some medicines and she's sleeping. I have prescribed medicines and mentioned the dos and don'ts in the prescription" she said.

"Oh! Thank God. And thank you doctor" I said.

"So, you are the father?" she asked. "No, I'm her friend." I replied.

Look, don't judge me but I want to ask you something." she said. "Yeah, no I won't." I said.

"While checking her up, I saw bruises near her genitals, looking rough. Did she have an assault or something?"

"Kinda" I replied. "What do you mean by kind of?" she asked.

"Yes, I mean yes she had." I said. "So, is that why she is pregnant?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, yes." I replied. "So, did the guy get prosecuted?" she asked. "No, he didn't the police and they said that it is her mistake because she was

wearing short clothes." I said.

"How can they even say this? And you didn't do anything after that?"she said.

"I am trying to." I replied. "This needs to be in the media. My daughter has some journalist friends. She can help you." she said.

"No, I don't know if she's ready for it." I said. "Yes, I understand. Take my card, feel free to contact me if you need any help and she's ready." she said and gave me a card.

Her, name was Dr. Sinha. I asked her if Amisha needed to stay at the hospital or I should take her. She said she is fine and I could take her after a few hours."

I went to Amisha's ward and sat next to her.

I was looking at her while she was sleeping. She was looking beautiful as ever.

Her hairs were slipping near her eyes and I got them away to avoid her any irritation.

She opened her eyes and told her that everything was okay and it was just dehydration.

She got up and sat as I set a pillow behind her to feel comfortable. "What about your parents, Amisha?" I asked her. "They don't know. I don't know how to tell them. I don't want them to be ashamed because of me." she said.

"They won't be ashamed. They had a beautiful and wise daughter. I am sure they'll understand." I said.

"I know, I don't want to hide it from them, but what if they get angry." she said.

"Look, I met the doctor, she checked you and she found out that you had an assault. She asked me about it and said she could help. She said that her daughter knew some journalists and we can take some action against the police and bring up your story. But, I know you are not ready. And, you should take your time. Moreover, your parents will know, so take your time to think." I said.

She nodded her head and said that she would figure out something.

Chaaya came in a moment to meet her. She had texted me earlier and told her about everything that happened.

She said that Amisha could stay at her flat. Amisha said that it would be far enough from her college and it would be difficult for her to make it to classes on time.

"You still attend the classes? You know all you need is rest. I am not saying that you should stop studying but you need to be careful and attend only if you're fine." I said.

"Yes, my mom. I get it." she said and laughed.

"Oh! Come on" I said and blushed.

Chaaya left after some time. I stayed with her for a while and took her off the hospital after the doctor's permission. I dropped her to the hostel and gave her the bag of medicines with a paper with the time and dosage of those.

I told her to take them on time and left for my hostel.

# WHAT A SMALL WORLD!

I was walking to my morning class. It was April and summer had made its mark. Spring was about to end. Days are longer than the nights in this part of the year and you are not able to complete your quota of sleep. I was exhausted as walking. I reached the class and was worried about Amisha only. I thought of texting her but didn't. I completed the lecture and came out. I called her.

"Hey, how are you?" I said. "Hey, As of now, totally fine." she replied.

"So, you are free. Like you finished all the classes?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course. I have BBA, we don't study till 3 like engineers." she said.

"You took all the medicines, right?" I asked. "Yes, pumpkin." she replied. "You know what, I like it when you call me this." I said.

"I know, right. That's cute." she said. "I was thinking that we might go somewhere today, like to make your mind free from all that has happened the past few weeks." I said.

"Yeah, sure. We should, I know a place. Meet me at Vishwavidyalaya metro soon." she said and hanged up.

I went to my room, got dressed decently and applied hair gel on the sidelines, I didn't do it usually. It was around 4 p.m. and I took the metro to Vishwavidyalaya. I reached there and saw Amisha. I reached to her and started walking out.

"So, where are we exactly going?" I asked. "Follow me, son." she said and laughed. "Okay, sir." I said. I walked with her for like half an hour.

"Wait, we are going to the northern ridge, aren't we?" I said after a while. "Clever" she said.

We walked inside and got to place Amisha took me. It was sort of hill and we could see the whole area from up there. I asked her how did she know about this place. She said that his Dad brought her here for the first time.

"Wow, that's nice. Your Dad is from Delhi?" I asked. "Yeah, actually he used to come here with mom when they were in college." She replied.

"That's so cute." I said. "And then I started coming here when I got admitted in college, later with Sumit." She said and looked down. I tried to change the topic and said, "Aren't they supposed to close this place at night. What if people got stuck in here.?" I said.

"No, they close it before 7 in summer usually and around 5 in winters. Basically, after sunset." she said.

"Do you see that bird?" I asked.

"Yes" she replied. "I guess he's single." I said.

"Wait, what do you mean by he? How do you know, you are being sexist." she said. "No, I didn't mean it like that. I was just..." I stammered.

"Come on, that was a joke. You got scared." She said and laughed.

"Oh! Man. Can I live!" I said and laughed.

We sat there and spent all the time talking, looking at birds and judging if they are single. We left the place as it was getting closed.

She asked me to buy an ice-cream. I got her what she asked, a scoop of vanilla and two of pineapples. We were walking to the metro as the clouds turned dark and sandstorm started.

We took shelter. Later, it started raining. It got heavier and we didn't have any covers or umbrellas.

"I am having a Déjà vu." Amisha said and laughed referring to the first moment we had together in high school.

We stayed there until the rain stopped. It was 10 p.m. already. She got a call from her friend who lived her in her hostel. She said that the gates for the hostel were closed and she lied to the warden that Amisha was in her room.

"Oh! Shit this rain. What should I do now?" she said and was worried.

"Don't worry, we can sneak out to my hostel room. You can stay there, I will buy your medicines for today from the drug store." I said.

"Are you sure, we can? Don't you have any guard around?" she asked. "There is one but all he need is a packet of guthka to facilitate things." I said and laughed. We went to my hostel and handed over the packet to guard.

We sneaked to my room as she had hid her face. After, tough work we reached to my room. It was more messed up than ever. I opened the gate and clothes which were not being washed for weeks were smelling. I sprayed the air freshener and cleared the bed and asked her to sit. She sat and I apologized for the room being in a bad condition.  
"No problem, I understand." she said.

I gave her medicines and made the bed for her. I took out some clothes and put them on the floor. I took a pillow and made my bed.

She was tired and she slept soon. I put up a blanket on her as she got wet in the rain and might had caught cold.

I slept after a moment.

I got up and saw Amisha was up already. I cleared my eyes and saw that she was holding the book, "Letting You Go." I got up and was nervous.

"How do you have it?" she asked. "Um.. I bought it online." I said. She looked into my eyes and I didn't lie.

"Okay, I won't lie. You know that you gave me that book or the first half of the book. When you left, I wanted to read the full book. I searched for the book everywhere and couldn't find it. When, I came here in Delhi, I saw the other half of the book at one of my friends house. After knowing, where she got it and after inquiring the book storekeeper and dozens of his men who sold him the books I found where this book was taken and sold. I came to that place finding you and was sitting in the park when I saw you." I said."So, you weren't for a friend there? And why did you put all this effort?" she asked.

"Because, I love you. I liked you since the first time I met you at Rishika's birthday party. I liked you when you were with Aarav. I was hurt when you left. I liked you when I met you here. I liked you when you were with Sumit. I have realized that I loved you." I said and couldn't believe that I actually said this.

"Why didn't you tell me all of this before? In high school?" she said as I could see tears coming out of her eyes.

"I thought that I was never important. I never thought that I was good enough for you. I never thought that you might like me. I never had the courage to speak. And I never did." I said.

She was emotional and tears were falling from her eyes. She came closer to me and kissed me gently. Everything had become oddly quiet, like the moment of silence between the lightning and thunder. I could feel the warmth of her lips. My heart was beating faster and I was nervous. She knotted her fists around my back and pulled me closer. She stopped for a moment and I could feel the warmth of her breath. She looked into my eyes and kissed me again. This was different, different from anytime I had kissed a girl. This was the best moment of the cosmic journey of my life. I was feeling the emotion of love. I had felt love in its purest form.

I didn't know how long our lips were tangled but it was like infinity. There is no way one can understand infinity. There's no number to define that, you eventually don't know how big is infinity. But, love is how you can understand it. Love can define infinity.

She stopped again for a moment and pulled herself back, gently. We knew we were bounded by limits.

She sat on the chair near the study table. She said that she needed to go back else she would land in a problem as she wasn't in her hostel room.

I got ready to drop her to the metro. I couldn't maintain an eye contact with her. I was nervous still. I didn't know what to

talk about. We came out of the hostel and everyone was asleep, the guard was paid enough and it was not a problem to sneak out.

I dropped her off and came back. I was having mixed emotions. I told her that I loved her. She didn't say it back but that wasn't a problem.

The next day I got a phone call from Amisha that Sumit had called her and asked her to be mum as he came to know that she tried to file an F.I.R against him. She said that she wanted him to be punished. She said that she had enough.

I asked her if she was ready to bring her story to the world. I told her that her parents would know. She said that it had to happen sometime, no worries if that sometime was then.

I called Dr. Sinha and told her that she was ready. She said that her daughter was there and she could help us. She gave me her address and asked us to visit.

I went there with Amisha. It was her a hospital. She asked us to sit an office-like place.

She told us that her daughter would ask her journalist friends to bring up her story, reveal the character of those policemen and prosecute the guy.

She asked her daughter to come inside. She walked inside. I looked up and damn! She sat in front of us and looked into my eyes deeply. She was Riya, what a small world! as they say. Dr. Sinha introduced me to her, "Meet him, he's Neil."

"I know" replied Riya sarcastically. Dr. Sinha looked at her and asked, "You know each other?"

"No, I mean you introduced him to me now. So, now I know him." she said. "Oh! She is funny sometimes." Dr. Sinha said and laughed.

I was nervous. I sat there and was just listening to the things they were discussing. I was reluctant to make an eye contact to Riya. Amisha told her everything and she was ready to help. She said that she would contact some of her friends and call us.

We were about to leave, Dr. Sinha and Riya walked us outside. Amisha was walking ahead and Riya stopped to talk to me.

"Hey, How are you?" she asked.

"You went to Boston, you are here?" I asked.

"You don't want me to be here?" she said.

"No, I didn't mean that." I said.

"I just got admitted there. I have to join in a month. I never thought we would encounter again." she said.

"Oh! Nice. Riya, I don't want to turn old pages again." I said.

"Don't worry, I won't. I got you wrong when I saw you with Amisha that day. I would definitely help you and that guy would be punished." she said.

"Thank you" I said and walked ahead. We left and I dropped Amisha to her hostel. I came back to my room.

I lied on my bed thinking about what happened today. I was worried as I needed to tell Amisha the truth.

It would have been better if she knew it from me than any other person.

If you love someone, there should be nothing to hide between you and the person.

The person should be your foremost priority. Foremost privacy doesn't means abandoning others. It just means distributing your time and respect for different persons.

You don't want people in your life who aren't productive, who don't motivate you to do good.

# MAKE THEM PAY FOR WHAT THEY DID

Amisha was crying. I told her that her Dad loved her. She loved her Dad and it hurt her when her Dad talked to her like that. Her mom wanted to talk to her but she was debarred to do so.

The incident had caught the headlines of the local newspapers. It had also hit the news.

She got a call from her dad and he asked her if that was true. She told him the truth. Her dad refused to talk to her more and told her not to talk to her ever. The news read,

We are living in a toxic society where the policemen have retard thoughts about the dignity of women. A policemen blamed this girl's clothes for the reason to get raped by her own boyfriend. No one came forward to write an F.I.R of a girl who was raped and pregnant.

Amisha had made a video where she told the truth about everything that happened and it as being played all over the news channels. The video sounded,

"I am Amisha, a student currently studying and residing in a hostel in Delhi. I was raped by my own boyfriend. He raped me when I was unconscious, when I was drunk. I eventually, got pregnant. I reached to the police station with my friend, Neil to report about the incident. The policeman asked me weird questions and said that he got seduced by the nature of the clothes I was wearing. We are living in a society with people of this toxic mentality. I just want the police and the court to prosecute for whatever he did to me. I want to create awareness so no other girl suffers like me. I have decided to bear the child and would ask you to pray for his better future."

She didn't want it to happen to anyone else. She didn't want any other girl to fall prey to any other Sumit. She wanted the world to recognize the dignity of women. People from the city were standing in support of her.

Amisha was not feeling well, so we took her to Chaaya's apartment. It was hard for anyone to get treated by own parents like that. After a while at about, 10 p.m. she got a call and it was her mother.

"Mom, I didn't do this. I loved him. I didn't know he would do this to me." she said and started crying.

"Look, daughter we love you. Your dad loves you. He is just angry right now. I know he would understand. And be safe. Where are you? Your hostel? Are you alone?" she said.

"No, mom. I am at a friend's house. Chaaya and Neil are taking good care of me." She said.

"Is that the same Neil, who studied with you in high school back in Patna?" she asked.

"Yes, he studies here. Don't worry, I am good here. Please, talk to that." she said. "I want to come and see you, but you know I can't." she said.

She hanged up after talking for some time. I came to her and said that everything's gonna be fine. After a while, I gave her medicines and she slept. We had to go to the police station the next day, to a different one and file a report. Riya told us that we would later challenge in the court.

The next day we went to the police station and filed the report. Sumit was arrested and an inquiry was set up for the policeman who refused to file a report for our case earlier.

The matter was then brought up to the court. I had to testify too. We told about the incident when Sumit beat me up to our lawyer, Mr. Khanna. He brought up the matter to the court to show Sumit's character. I testified about it on the first hearing. The pressure of the media had made the court to not delay the case for long.

The court has set the next hearing soon. Amisha was changing day-by-day, she had started gaining weight.

I contacted a few friends of Sumit, including the ones who beat me up. I came to know that one of them, Satyam was there at the party, when it happened.

I reached to him to talk to him and convinced him to testify him against Sumit. He had seen the video Amisha had posted. He said that he regretted what he did, hiding the truth. I asked him to testify to the court now and help sending Sumit behind the bars. He was ready to testify.

The next hearing came, we brought Satyam to the court. After a while Mr. Khanna asked him to come to the stand. He told the court everything he had seen. Sumit had also brought up several men to defend himself.

After all the hearings, the court said that it would announce the decision made by the jury on Friday, 3 days later. I got a call from Rahul,

"Hey" I said. "Hey, What happened at the court today?" he asked.

"Yeah, we got him to testify. They would announce the decision on Friday." I said.

"Wow, cool. I would be coming soon. Take care." he said. I told him that I would. I hanged up and joined Amisha and Chaaya in a café.

We reached Chaaya's apartment and I had decided to stay. I stayed there for the night. Chaaya cooked good food and being a guy in hostel away from home I couldn't refuse. We had dinner.

Chaaya slept early as she had her exams the next day. I found Amisha sitting on the rooftop. I had a packet of wafers.

I went towards her sat beside her.

"Hey, What are you doing here now? It is over midnight." I asked.

"Um... Nothing, I was just feeling warm inside. There's some nice wind around here." she said.

"Oh! Would you mind if I join you and this wind?" I said and smiled. "Yes, I would until you share that packet of wafers." she said and laughed.

"They're for you, actually." I said and handed it over to her. "What do you think? Would Sumit be punished?" she asked.

"Of course, the decision would come as you wanted. You are a fighter, you are an inspiration.

You will win." I said.

"Thank you, you have been all throughout this mess. You put up every effort. You've suffered a lot. It would not have been the same without you." she said.

"I had to. I hadn't just left you suffering. You are never alone. I am with you until you reach the farthest star you can look up from here." I said.

She stood up and held my hand. "We would travel to the farthest stars together. I couldn't say this to you that day, but I am saying now, I love you, Neil, pumpkin." she said.

"I love you, more." I said and she hugged me.

Tears were coming out of her eyes. "I can't believe there are just 4 months left before I bear this little creature." she said.

"I need a good future for this kid." she added. "The child would just be awesome like you." I replied.

"What should I name her or him?" she said. "Wait, that's real quick. You have enough time to figure this out." I said and laughed.

The day of the decision came. It was clear and it happened. Sumit was prosecuted and was sent to 9 years of imprisonment. We came out of the court and Rahul was there. He came back without telling everyone, he wanted to surprise Chaaya who had birthday that day. She hadn't told us about it.

"You did it, Amisha. You won. You inspired a lot of girls. You are a hero." I said happily.

"Nah, We did it. We won. We inspired a lot of girls. We are the heroes." she said and smiled.

It actually carried a lot of weight. The word 'WE'. Rahul told us to get home and get ready. We were going somewhere for Chaaya's birthday. I met Riya outside the court. I thanked her for her help.

I told Amisha the truth about me and Riya. I didn't want to hide it. She said that she had to leave for Boston, the next week. Rahul asked Riya to come to Chaaya's birthday dinner.

We went to some restaurant and had dinner. We came back and dropped Amisha to her hostel.

I went to my hostel room and cleaned up the mess. I had missed some classes and had to make up for that.

I, then used to visit Amisha often after my classes ended and took care of her, reminded of her medicines and took her to the doctor for regular checkup.

And, you should fight. You should fight till the end. You should not lose hope. Don't let the sinners go away. You just need to make them pay for what they did.

# THE WORST WAS YET TO COME

The day of the delivery came. It was a tough moment for Amisha and me too. She was bearing a child at such a young age. There were no complications before the delivery. She just felt the orthodox pain in between those days. She felt some pain that day and we got her to the hospital, which was as per the scheduled date of delivery.

Amisha was resting in the operation room and Dr. Sinha, Riya's mother wasn't in the town and

some other doctor was doing the operation.

I sat beside her and held her hand, "You are gonna do well. Everything would be fine." I said. She nodded he head, I was coming out and she was not leaving my had "Don't go, pumpkin." she said.

I had to, one can't be in the operation theatre. I looked towards her and smiled. I came out and the doctor had given her anesthesia. I got a call from her mom, "How is she? Did the operation started?" she asked.

"She's fine. No, not yet but it would, soon. Don't worry, we are with her. Your daughter is too strong. She has overcome more bigger challenges in life. She would do well here too." I said.

She thanked me and hanged up. Rahul and Chaaya were there. We sat outside as there were just 15 minutes left before the operation.

The doctor came after a while, I looked at her and she said that we didn't have to worry. She went inside to initiate the operation. I was too worried. I looked at Amisha through the window, she was slept under the dose of anesthesia. I kept walking around until the operation was being done.

The doctor finally came out after a while and I was both frightened and excited. "Congratulations, for the girl child." he said and smiled. I looked at Rahul and Chaaya and jumped in joy. I ran towards Amisha's room and the nurse was coming out with the baby. I asked her to hand her over to me. She refused to, because she had to clean her first. I agreed and ran towards Amisha, another nurse stopped me and asked to let her rest for a while as she might caught infection through outsiders.

My sudden excitement was shut down as I couldn't control myself. I was happy and again sat after Rahul asked me to.

The nurse came after a while and said that I could hold her then. I held her with my palms and arm.

"Wait, Don't hold her like that." Chaaya said and laughed as it was an awkward way and she was crying. She stopped, as soon as Chaaya held her. Rahul laughed at me.

After few hours, Amisha came back to conscious and I handed over the child to her. She was so happy.

"I can't believe it pumpkin. She's my child." she said and laughed.

"Believe it or not. She's. Although she likes me more." I said and laughed. "Not a fucking chance." Amisha said and laughed.

I later video called her mom and made her see the girl. She was delighted too. I left her with the child and came outside as she needed rest. I went outside to buy some sweets for the nurses who helped in carrying out the operation.

Rahul and Chaaya also met her and left after a while as Rahul had to drop Chaaya for some exam.

I was sitting beside Amisha and the child as both of them were sleeping. Both were beautiful. She looked just like her mother. Suddenly, Amisha got up. I gave her a glass of milk and fruit salad. She didn't eat much. After a while, she started sweating. I asked her if she was ok. It was the month of October and with the air conditioning rightly adjusted, it was unlikely to sweat. I was worried and called the nurse.

The nurses and the doctor came, "It seems she is having low blood pressure." The doctor said. "What? What do you mean? Is she okay?" I asked them.

"You need to walk out now." The doctor said and handed the baby girl to one of the nurses.

I took her from her and came out. I was worried about her, what had happened? The doctor came out and I ran towards her. She asked me to come to her office.

I went along her with the child. She asked me to sit. "What happened? Is se fine now? Can I meet her?" I asked.

"Look, the thing is, she's having postpartum hemorrhage. I don't know what happened but her placenta didn't respond as expected which often leads to this disease." she said.

"So, what to do now? She'll be fine, won't she?" I asked.

"I hope and I want, but..." she said and bit her lips.

"But..." I asked. "But, she's in a severe condition. Her PPH has increased to some extent and she's having vaginal bleeding." she said.

"What do I need to do? How can she be fine? I just want to know this!" I exclaimed.

"In this case, we need to do hysterectomy." she said. "What is that?" I asked. "It is a major operation." she said.

"Okay, so do it then. Make her good again like she was. She was good a while ago and now." I said. "This disease happens within 24 hours of the delivery and I guess it happened because she was not ready for pregnancy. It could be cured but in Amisha's case we need to carry out the operation." she said.

"Okay, so you would do it now? Do it, don't care about the money. I would provide everything I could." I said.

"It is not about the money. There's something I want you to know before the operation. A, hysterectomy is a kind of operation in which the uterus is removed, and she won't be able to bear any another child in future. B, the operation would be carried out after a week and until then we have to keep her on the blood and artificial hormones. Sometimes, oxygen needs to be supplied because of low blood pressure. C, this is a dangerous operation and we need her parents to be here and sign some documents. And D, It is costly." she said.

"Wait, how can this be dangerous. She was fine till afternoon and now. I don't know, you need to make her good again. I would call her parents. I would submit the money. I can provide every type of fucking blood. Just make her good again" I said.

"Okay, the operation would be done. You don't need to bring blood. We would look after it. Ask her parents to visit in a couple of days." she said.

I called Rahul and asked him to come. I was nervous to call her mom, how can I say a mother that her daughter is fighting for life and she needs to come and sign a document of oblivion for her. I, somehow called her.

"Namaste, Aunty. I'm Neil." I said. "Yes, Neil. Is everything okay?' she asked.

"Umm.. You need to be here, soon." I said in an

awkward voice as I couldn't control my emotions. I cleared the tears off my eyes with a handkerchief an said again, "Amisha is ill. You need to be here." I wasn't able to say more and handed over the phone to Rahul.

Rahul explained everything to her. She came here the next day, surprisingly with her husband. She came towards me and started crying. She asked me where Amisha was. I told her that she was in the ICU, and she couldn't meet her now. I handed her granddaughter to her. She was so happy to see her.

Her father came towards me and asked her mother about me. She told him that I was with Amisha throughout the bad phase and helped Amisha in punishing Sumit. Her father came to me and thanked me. He said that he loved her daughter and started crying. He hugged me and cried.

Later, I asked him to sign the required documents for the operation. He also submitted the sum of money required for the operation. Amisha's daughter was with her granddaughter.

I went towards Amisha's ward and looked through the round window. I couldn't see it. She was unconscious and nurses where taking out blood and blood. It was not stopping. One end, she was being given blood and blood was being excreted out from the other end.

After a while, they had done something to stop the blood. But, Amisha hadn't gained conscious. I was worried. I hadn't eaten anything for the past three days.

I hadn't called home for a while. My parents didn't know about the Amisha saga. If they had known , they wouldn't had allowed me to do so.

The child needed her mother. The 4th day after the delivery, and the doctor told us that she has got conscious. We were happy that at least she would talk.

We went to her room and she was happy to see her father. She had a oxygen mask and blood bottle besides her bed. She was apologizing to her father with hand gestures and he asked her to stop. He waved his hand over her hair and told her that she would be fine. Amisha asked her mother to let her see her daughter. She looked at her daughter and touched her cheeks with her trembling hand. Her daughter was smiling when she touched her. Tears came in her eyes as she was not able to hold her own daughter.

Amisha asked her mother me to call me inside and that she needed to talk to me alone. I went inside.

She couldn't talk as she had oxygen cup on her mouth. I sat beside her. I held her hand. We couldn't talk through words due to physical boundaries but our souls could talk. I could talk to her with the language of love.

She just coughed and I was frightened. She laughed at me. We were just looking at each other, she was crying and I removed the tears with a tissue. I gestured her to not cry as I am with her always.

I picked out my phone and clicked a picture of stars from the hospital window and showed it to her. I gestured her that I would be with her until she reached the farthest of the stars she could see. She smiled and held my hand tighter. She was saying that she didn't want to lose me.

I said that she won't go anywhere. Nothing would happen. I told her that she would be alright.

She slept holding my right hand. I saw a diary like thing inside her pillow. I slowly picked it out from my left hand. I took it out and opened it. I saw my name on the first page and a heart made next to it. I turned over the pages and saw things written in listing fashion in bold capital letters. They were as,

  * MARRY PUMPKIN

  * VISIT THE NEUSCHWANSTIEN CASTLE

  * CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY IN THE NORTHERN RIDGE

  * SHOUT FILTHS FROM THE TOP OF A HILL

  * OUR STORY

Below, she had wrote that she wanted our story to be written by me. So, our daughter would know about us. She shouldn't be in doubt.

I looked at them and smiled. The first thing she wanted was a marriage. She wanted to marry me. I decided that I would marry her before the operation takes place. I kept the diary back at its place. I went to Rahul and told him that I wanted to marry Amisha, then. He told me it was not possible so quick and my parents would disagree. I hadn't finished college and it was much difficult.

I called my Dad, I know he loved me and he would understand. I recited him all of the Amisha story and told him to come here with mom as I wanted to marry her.

"Neil, we love you. We want you to be happy, we respect every decision you take, as you are an adult now. But, there's this thing son, log kya kahenge." He said and stopped.

Words of every brown Dad when he's going to do something unorthodox.

"What do you mean by that? I can't sacrifice my love, my happiness. That too, because of some aunty whom I won't even see in family functions. Kamla aunty says it, fuck Kamla aunty. I can't give up everything just because of random relatives. This is my life, Dad." I said.

"We are proud of you son, we understand and we would be there by tomorrow afternoon. Ready the paperwork." he said and hanged up.

I asked Rahul to do the paperwork, Amisha's parents had no objection with that.

The next day, Amisha's blood pressure came back to normal as it was compulsory for the operation. I wanted to surprise her. I went to her room in the morning and put a ring beside her on the table. She woke up and looked at it.

I held her hand and asked her, "Will you marry me?"

She smiled and her eyes became wet. She nodded her head while crying out of happiness. Amisha's parents, Rahul, Chaaya and the nurses clapped. I was blushing and bent down to the claps.

Later in the afternoon, my parents came and Rahul picked them from the airport. He had also managed the paperwork. I signed on it and Amisha had her thumb impression. She couldn't have signed with trembling hands. We were married. We were fucking married. Everyone congratulated us. We clicked a picture with her daughter, correction our daughter.

"What should we call her? She needs a name." I asked Amisha. "Oh! I have been thinking it for 5 months and finally, it is a fusion of our names, Ni- from yours and -Misha from mine. So, I guess, Nimisha." she said and smiled.

My parents came to her and blessed her. I promised Amisha a big celebration when she gets fine after the operation.

We decided the date, the 7th of November. It was the same day when we met for the first time. I remember it. Rahul booked a place.

Nothing was static. It was happening real quick.

The sixth day came, just one day left for the operation. I was nervous. They had brought her blood pressure to operation able figures. I was in her room.

A nurse came suddenly, and said that the doctor has asked to do the operation that day itself as there's every possibility of blood pressure changing in no time. Amisha looked at me and nodded her head. I held her hand tightly.

"What if it doesn't work out, pumpkin? What if I face oblivion?" she asked.

"Don't talk nonsense, you will be alright, the operation would be a damn success, you are strong, you'll fight, I'll fight. I am not giving up on you, ever." I said. The time of the operation came. The doctor asked me to leave the room in fifteen.

"Close your eyes, I don't want you to look at me as I walk out." I told Amisha and she cried and didn't leave my hand. "I'll always love you, Neil, Pumpkin." she said. The doctor came inside and I walked out. The red light glowed above the door of the room...

# THE DAY OF THE WEDDING

The day of the wedding came. The lights were all over, they weren't shining brightly. The music was being played, but it didn't make anyone dance on their feet. There were people, but there was gloominess. There were children, but they weren't cheerful.

I came to the stage held the mic and started reading,

"I remember, I met Amisha back in high school when I had a weird haircut and no sense of clothes. I loved her from the very beginning, I love her, now. From the moment I knew, she was the one I wanted to spend my whole life with.

Amisha was a remarkable girl. She was an inspiration. She fought in her life. She came over the most difficult challenges life threw at her. She was kind, nice and beautiful. The most beautiful girl I have ever met in my life. I regret I didn't say that I loved her back then. She wouldn't have been like she is today.

It was my fault, she deserved better. I know she's in safe hands. I know she would be happy, she lightens up where ever she goes. I would love her forever. I hope if there is afterlife, and the demons of hell come to take me, I would request them to let the cannibal birds eat my flesh but just leave my eyes so that someday, maybe I could see her through the window of heaven, period."

I read and started crying up on the stage. I couldn't control myself. I didn't want to leave. Rahul and Chaaya came to me and hugged me. I continued crying. Everyone came outside from the wedding venue. And reading halfway here, you might have known what happened after the operation.

The operation was successful as per the doctor but, suddenly after an hour Amisha's blood pressure had started dropping.

I couldn't see it, she was bleeding from her mouth. I ran out of the hospital, I got my legs struck with a car. I sat on the roadside crying. After a while, the pure soul had left the body. She went to some other world.

I wanted the celebration of the wedding as she wanted. I asked everyone to gather as planned. Her funeral took place. And we were there.

My parents had left after staying for a week. I was broken but Amisha didn't want this life for me. She wanted me to be successful. I continued my classes afterwards. She lived big.

I was sitting along my room's window around evening, I took out the diary and opened a note. A note written by her, I didn't know when did she write it and put it inside the diary.

I didn't know how she knew that she was leaving, maybe it was optional.

"Neil, pumpkin,

I might not be there if you are reading this. I might had reached the farthest of the stars. I wanted to write this because we have lesser time left to talk. I want you to be happy, no matter what.

Even if I leave, I need you to promise me that you won't ruin your own life. I want you to fulfill your dreams. I want you to give Nimisha a great life. She shouldn't feel that she doesn't have a mother.

Pumpkin, If I had to write the ten most remarkable things happened in my life, the first one in the list would be you. I wish I had been with you earlier and maybe I wouldn't land here. I wish everything was different. But, that doesn't make any sense now.

We had some great moments together. I can't forget kissing you, I can't forget looking at the stars from the rooftop of Chaaya's apartment, I can't forget sitting at my favorite place in the northern ridge with you, I can't forget you taking care of me like a mother, I can't forget how we fought together to punish Sumit, I can't forget the moment we had in that rainy day after school at the NIT riverside., I can't forget meeting you for the first time at Rishika's birthday.

One more thing, I wasn't sleeping when you stole my diary and started reading it, I pretended to. I knew that you decided to marry soon after reading it. I had made it after Nimisha was born. I thought everything would be fine but...

I couldn't do them, but you could actually do them with our daughter. I hope you would be the best father-daughter duo in history. You need to let me go just like Steve did too Alyssa. Hope we would encounter at some point again.

Love, Amisha."

The note had become wet after tear drops fell out of my eyes. I removed tears from the paper and folded it again. I kept it in the diary. I looked at the second page of the diary where Amisha had listed her

wishes. She had cut the first one as it was accomplished already.

Nimisha was with her Nana's house in Bengaluru as I still had a year left for graduation. I would take her with me after I finished graduation and got a job.

The sun set and the stars became visible, I cleaned the dew drops on my window due to fog and continued looking at the stars, the stars of torment.

# EPILOGUE

Neil closes his laptop. He takes a sip of his coffee but the cup was empty. He had wrote it for the whole night. It is 5 a.m. he needed sleep but he gets a call, it is from Nimisha's Nana.

He picks it up and says, "Hello"

"We are reaching today, around 8 a.m. Nimisha wants you to be here at the airport." he said. "Yes, I'll be there." He replies. He looks happy. Nimisha had visited her grandparents house in Patna. She was coming after a week and Neil is excited to see her. He loves her too much. He goes to the airport. Nimisha comes out and hugs her.

Neil picks her up and kisses her forehead. He says that he missed her. He takes a taxi and loads the bags and baggage of his in-laws and comes back to his apartment.

Rahul was sitting around and he was happy that Neil finished the last wish. Nimisha takes out an album out of her bag and sits beside Rahul.

"Look, Rahul uncle grandpa gave me this album. It has all the pictures, from my birthday in the northern ridge to our visit at the Neuschwanstien castle and also when Dad made me shout weird words from the top of hills in Rajgir, while our visit to Patna." she says.

Rahul looks towards Neil and smiles.

Neil goes towards Nimisha and hugs her.

*******

This is just a random page for you just to do any sort of rough work.

