Hey everyone, welcome to the most subjective test EVER of
DAYS GONE
if you're here to laugh your ass off
oh a group of mutants. I'll try to appease the with the power of tolerance
I'm...vegan, feminist activist. I'm subscribed to lacigreen
or to see if the game is worth it
you're in the right place
DAYS GONE came out on April 26th 2019
and was created by Bend studio
known for "Syphon Filter", but also "Bubsy 3D" for the Playstation
Bubsy 3D is considered to be one of the worst games in video game history
and less than 200 000 copies were sold in the world
in short, bend studio are the Uwe Boll of video games
we know they're able to suck, but we still give them funds
they've been working on DAYS GONE since 2012, nearly 7 years of development for god's sake, it would be a shame if it fails...
but let's start at the beggining
here is Deacon, the game's protagonist
people call him dick, because he only thinks with his weiner
Come closer I'll show you what you're looking for
found it
*laughter in background* he is talking about her butt ! so funny !
2/5 on Numerama, you asked for it
Dick also has a friend called "Boozer"
you'll notice he starts the adventure by leaving his wife to stay with his bro
*girly voice* want a banana ?
it's DAYS GONE or GAYS DONE ?
I'm not here to spoil the game for you, so won't talk about it anymore
here's the picture
the plot take place 2 years after the outbreak
Dick has had enough of having fun alone, so he takes off, looking for his wife
so the game takes place in a post-apo setting
Imagine, no TV, not Internet, and no more youtubers with there easy life and there product placements
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as I was saying, a post-apo setting
where the youtubers would not be able to sell there soul for shitty stuff
most of the population became disgusting mutants
and 75% of the rest real assholes
but before talking about that, let's talk about one of the most important aspects of the game
your motorbike !
I don't know if you noticed, but Deacon drives like a total asshat
so to avoid showing the wrong way, I've decided to make a little prevention video
Something's wrong here...
Of course, I forgot my helmet. It's better to be safe than sorry
thanks cutie
yeah, what's the point to survive a mutant outbreak
if it's to die to the first rock in your way. That's frankly dumb!
your bike is the equivalent of your horse in Red Dead Redemption 2
No, you don't have to take it to the old town road or to feed it
but you'll have to manage your fuel
fuel that will also be burned with fast travel
likewise if it's broken, you'll have to fix it
and God knows that fixing a bike in a post-apo world is really complicated !
take a look at this explanatory video that may help you if you're in a similar situation
I'm in a pickle here, my bike is down, so I'll have to repair it with the nearly nothing.
a job well done
God himself
that's how mafia works in DAYS GONE, that's frankly realistic !
2 or 3 pieces of junk, a wrench
and you're on the road again !
That's when I tell myself "mechanic is a job for wankers"
they're equals with youtubers
yeah yeah, continue your fake job
apart from that, you can customize your bike
we're still a devasted world, where everyone is miserable and starves
but it looks like we still have infinite resources when it comes to customize your engine
it's not because we're in deep shit you can't be pretty
to finish, you'll also have a few bike chase missions
get used to it, because at the start of the game, your vehicle will be a wreck,
but the more you will upgrade it, the more you'll have fun and it will be a lot less hard to drive
but you'll have to be very patient because the progression is frankly slow
another thing, it's not because you're on the move you are safe
mutants can catch you as you go
but what can I say? That's what you get for driving without a helmet
apart from the bike, you can drive... your feet
because like Red Dead Redemption 2, your character moves like a crane
I'm not going to talk about gunfights, which are pretty to look at, and their... weird aiming system
I can not explain why, I find it really random
the sensibility of the cursor changes wildly
certainly due to consoles' aiming system
except here, they've done a really piss poor job
if, like me, you don't have the will to aim
use hand to hand combat, pretty good looking and violent
obviously, in this kind of games, it's also interesting to go in stealth
before attacking, you can use your goggles to mark enemies, like in FarCry
which allows you to watch there every move, like in FarCry...
but above all else, I'm sick of telling the same thing about all those f*cking games, with a tad bit of infiltration because it's always the same thing !!
I'm sick of all those games that just put a button to stab bad guys in the back
I want stakes and a good AI, for fuck sake !!!
otherwise, it's ok...
No fuck it. Nothing is ok. Nothing is FUCKING ok.
everyones says that AI is the future
so I'm asking the question: why video games developers don't think about making an interesting and intelligent AI
no, they like to do the opposite
and I'm not talking about the blind enemies, a normal feature nowadays
nah, I'm talking about enemies that stand still, even when I am right in front of them
enemies that lose track of you because I'm simply  moving through a bush
it was that hard to make throw molotovs to flush me out, assholes
no, they always shoot at the last place they saw you
oh, do we talk about this lonely guy in the middle of a - pacific - horde
while he is wasting them one by one with his pistol
I'm gonna take a guess and say the negotiations with Sony looked like that
So, Sony, you make excellent exclusivities. We offer you a game with lower standards, DAYS GONE,
making a big difference with the other games, making them look even better
Welcome to Sony, I hope you'll make us a ton of shit
like I'm gonna translate and time that well lol
There's rules you can't break after all
let's talk about more positive things.
In DAYS GONE, you have allied camps, specialized in either motorbikes or weapons
but it's not always about the money to unlock everything the camp has to offer
you also have a reputation system
and there is many ways to upgrade your renown in a faction
you have bounty hunter missions
you have to kill some guy for some reason and come back with there favorite objects (no dildos) as a proof of their death
You'll also have to find syringes to use on you to improve your stats
if you find a syringe on the ground
no hesitation put in your veins
it will increase your skills
you will be so powerful before dying
don't do drugs kids
except in video games
you can also track your prey, just like in The Witcher 3
you'll also be, sometimes, able to save other survivors and send them to your camp of choice (no bad jokes) for some loot
obviously, you can clear out enemy camps
however, don't underestimate leaning people
they have flawlessly mastered this leaning technique and it's impossible for me to murder them
we can easily guess that the devs forgot to put another weak point, other than their back when they are leaning
they're as smart as - DEAD - apes
you will also be able to clean mutants nests, that's pretty funny
but beware, when you throw a cocktail in a nest
agressive mutants go out to attack you
don't forget to trade some mutant ears, plants or meat for some coin and renown
and, yes, you can hunt in DAYS GONE
but before talking about that, let's talk about the different kind of mutants that will annoy you as fuck
you saw there were "normal" mutants
more 'normal" than the others at least
because you have other types of mutants
like Breakers who are simply just chunkier mutants
Thanks mom !
then you have the Newts
I'd like to point out I take no pleasure in killing an army of leukemic kids
even if it's a way to fight the disease, I'm not really sure if the most healthy way for the kid
in short, they are other mutants you will encounter in the game
but I know you're all waiting for me to talk about the horde
the biggest threat in DAYS GONE
It is simple: a lot of normal mutants that made a group
prepare to run, prepare your anus
because there's one thing they didn't screw up, it's those fucking hordes
and I hardly advise avoiding getting caught, otherwise, you'll end up in a...
at least the sensation of being harassed by an army of mutants is pretty exciting
adding up to the fact that their position on the map will be different depending on the environment
for example, they like to hide in the shadows during the day to rest
they tend to go out when it's a bit cloudy or rainy
but it's always a pleasure to wake them up with a litlle molotovs
WAKE UP DICKHEADS
the night, they go out, go on a walk...
and when it's raining during the night, it's the ideal weather for them, they are everywhere
as you may have understood, you'll have to adapt to your environment
especially the glitches
but before, let's talk about hunting to stack up meat to sell it in camps
you have deers, wolves, bears, cougars (not ur mom)
adding to crows, but fuck them, they are mutants
just like there will be mutant variations of wolves, bears, and that's it. A bit sad
as you expect, I kept the best for last: the glitches and the (other) weaknesses of this game
The first encountered problem is clearly those long ass loading screens
it's long, boring, coming out of nowhere, between cutscenes, don't really know, it's really annoying
optionally, it breaks the atmosphere
then you have sometimes low framerate, awful clipping, like this appearing rock... there... thanks the devs
or the shitty level design which doesn't give you access to certain objects
or to vault above props that are lass than 30 cm high - like my dick -
NPC's on bikes stuck on somethings
once my game crashed during a cutscene
a quick time event stuck on my screen
broken ragdoll
non exploding molotovs
this non-existing illuminating torch
totally glitched zones sometimes
would you look at that, a cut in half river
I feel like Moses, we're not in Bubsy 3D !
and of cousre the obligatory invisible walls
If I had to make a list o fall the glitches, this video would be 3 hours longs
Conversely, the game's atmosphere is kind of interesting. It feels like a cheap "The Last of Us" at the start...
... and at the end as well. (this cutscene is not at the end)
after all, it's entertaining to learn more about the mutants
*in game* During the first weeks, all the kids under 12 were killed
all the kids under 12 are dead ?!
that means that the Paul brothers lost 90% of their subscribers, Epic Games went bankrupt, and no more Fortnite in youtube trends
for a post-apo world, that's a good start
now, let's get to the press aspect
we're starting gameblog, with a dumb point, unless you have progressed in the game
the bike as fast as a zimmer, that's for the first third of the game. After that, it's ok
the lack of variety for the main and side missions
for the side missions, I understand, but the main ones, apart from the ones where you have to listen to some guy
i find it ok, especially since DAYS GONE gave me a feeling pretty rare in video games
the sensation of being near the end, and seeing a brand new arc being opened
with new lore and diverse gameplay
that being said, we continue with jeuxvideo.com and their 15/20
I love the negative point
" a lot of bugs (despite a 21Gb patch)"
Yep, a 21Gb patch that changes nothing, thanks for noticing
hey bend studio, look I'm stuck in a horrible glitched out texture
what did you change with your 21Gb patch ? nothing dude
but frankly, leave out the glitches, at least it spices things up, uhm gameblog ?
let's move on with the sentence
ah fuck I forgot to talk about the Rippers
let's go on then...
When you're in Oakland, be very careful with the Rippers
they catch you with a blow torch and...
FUCK NO
that is not a blow torch...
uhm yes,...ee....
since you don't have a youtube funding for this month
I stole a lighter from my grandma
however / that's wrong !
don't do drugs, learn that. DON'T DO DRUGS
OUT OF 20
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to comment that I am selling my soul, but selling it well
to put your finger in the tiny butthole of your left neighbor, and of course to wash your hands before eating!
thereupon, big kisses, I need some rest
