

## Emotional Intelligence

## Conflict

Handbook

For

Organizational Training & Communication

## Authentic Listening

## Gender Talk

Handbook

for Organizational Training & Communication

David Pollitt

Professional Book Press

Nashville

Published by Professional Book Press

Copyright 2009, David Pollitt

All Rights Reserved

Printed in the United States of America

About the Author

David lives in Nashville, with his wife, Nancy, of 34 years, and his only son, Hunter. His wife Nancy is attending Bethel University majoring in their management program while Hunter is attending MTSU in Murfreesboro, majoring in Digital Animation.

David Pollitt has two undergraduate degrees in business/management along with his Masters of Management, a Masters of Education (Instructional Effectiveness), and his EDs in (Educational Leadership). David has spent years working as a manager of sales teams and is a qualified Training Officer II with the State of Tennessee. He also has his Praxis Business Education Certification with the State. David plans to go back to Argosy soon to finish two more courses and his dissertation for his Doctorate in Education program. Even though he is currently working at AT&T, he continues to work as a substitute teacher with Metropolitan Public Schools. His ability to understand training and organizational management issues helps him add to his future writing projects. He considers himself a professional in training and teaching with differentiated instruction complemented with cooperative & collaborative learning. His interests in emotional intelligence in educational and organizational performance have become some of his highest priorities, including the subject of his Doctorate Dissertation. Some of his writing projects include continuing to re-edit his previous Science Fiction series for re-release in early 2010.
Preface

This book was designed to establish some basic foundational principles for use of managers, employees, and trainers alike. The purpose of this book is to create ways to talk about communication and to give some methods of teaching and communicating to large and diverse audiences. Hopefully, someone will benefit and be encouraged to do more to train and communicate better in the future.

In this book, I have gone way out of my way to cite every resource correctly even those that are modified for special use. The approach of this book is the same as a dissertation or a master's thesis and is only to be used as in education for "fair use." It will never be sold nor will there be any profit from this book since the intent of this book is to demonstrate to interested parties that I know what I am talking about in training and teaching as well as programs to teach teachers and trainers how to teach. I also wanted to make sure that since my background is so steeped in management understanding and experience that I can apply what know to the real world in which many of us work.

The stories are my stories as well as my observations, and the way the book is laid out is also of my doing. The training programs that I created in the appendixes are also of my creation. These are the only things that I have copyrighted; but as I said, feel free to copy it for only "fair use" educational use. The resources I have listed are a wealth of information that can provide anyone a greater understanding of all of these subjects.
Table of Contents

Sections Page

Copyright Page 2

About the Author 7

Preface 8

Table of Contents 9

Introduction 13

Other Books 14

Part I: Philosophy of Learning 15

Learning Prepares Us for Communication 16

Don't Retire Those Guys 17

Application, Application, Application 20

Poor Attempts at Training 21

Building Better Adult Communication 22

Scenario Building 24

Jigsaw 25

Article and Informational Reviews 25

Open Discussions 26

Instructional Scaffolding 26

No Threats 28

Peer Coaching 29

Different Drums and Different Drummers 30

Modalities of Learning with Training & Communication 31

Matchers and Mismatchers 33

Right-Brain Left-Brain 34

Extroverts and Introverts 35

Myers Briggs—Perceptives Versus Judgers 36

Discussing WHERETO Unit Framework 40

Inauthentic or Authentic Work 41

It's All About Team 42

Part II: The Character of Communication 43

Toxic Leadership 43

Organizational Motivation 45

Mirroring Revisited 46

Thin-Slicing 47

Because They Can 49

Hostile Work Environments 50

Bullies in the Workplace 51

Emotional Intelligence 54

Understanding Emotional Intelligence 57

Emotional Intelligence and Self Awareness 57

Other Categories 58

Thinking about Golf Clubs 59

Flooding 62

Resonance and Dissonance 62

Part III: Gender Difference in Communication 63

Using Gender Techniques 64

Gender Communication 65

The Knight and the Dragon 67

Part IV: The Listening Tool 69

Authentic Listening 69

Good Listening Habits 70

Paraphrasing Is a Major Tip 71

Listening Is Not Easy 72

Building Relationships 73

Listen to Those People 74

The Cost of Poor Listening 75

Changing the Financial Formulas 76

Part V: Communicating in Conflict 79

The Traditional View 79

Other Conflict Views 81

Types of Conflict 82

Conflict Emotions 83

Rule of No Harm 84

Understanding Cultural Conversation Styles 85

Applying Conversational Styles 86

Angry Customers 87

Principles of Managing Conflict 87

Misconceptions about Conflict 88

Misconception #1: Conflict if left alone will take care of itself 89

Misconception #2: Confronting an issue or a person is always

unpleasant 91

Misconception #3: The presence of conflict in an organization

is a sign of poor management 91

Misconception #4: Conflict is a sign of low concern for

the organization 92

Misconception #5: Anger is always negative and destructive 92

Five Emotion Don'ts During Conflict 92

Don't Get in Power Struggle 93

Rules to Follow 93

Don't Detach from the Conflict 93

Don't Let Conflict Establish Your Agenda 93

Don't Awefulize 94

Don't Be Fooled by Projection 94

Conclusion 95

Appendix A- Diversity Survey 96

Appendix B-Pyramid Learning 104

Appendix C- E. I. Unit Framework 105

Appendix D- E. I. Likert 106

Appendix E- E. I. Training Morning First Day 106

Appendix F- E. I. Training Afternoon First Day 108

Appendix G- E. I. Training Morning 2nd Day 110

Appendix H- E. I. Training Afternoon 2nd Day 112

Appendix H- E. I. Training Final Session 113

Appendix I- Gender Interaction & Diversity 114

Appendix J- Gender Likert 115

Appendix L- Gender Training 117

Appendix M-Listening Likert 118

Appendix N- Listening Training Morning First Day 119

Appendix O- Listening Training Afternoon First Day 120

Appendix P- Listening Training Final Session 121

Appendix Q- Conflict Resolution 122

Appendix R-Conflict Likert 123

Appendix S-Conflict Training 124

Appendix T-Conflict Training 125

References 126

Resources 128

Studies 135

Videos and Electronic Media 137
Other Books

Christian:

Science Fiction: End Day Series

Irish

Children of the Mountain

Armageddon Night

Nephilim

Christian

Fiction Series

Talking the Talk

With Fear and Trembling

Cleft of the Rock

Training Manual

Teaching Excellence to the Excellent
Introduction

This book is more about how to better communicate by using valid training and communication techniques with tools from emotional intelligence (EI) to gender differences. Fortunately, there are four suggested training unit frameworks on using EI for better communication, gender communication, communication by authentic listening, and communicating in conflict. The importance of these communication subjects is about changing organizational cultures to be more effective. I believe that communication that does not truly connect to the person, the interpersonal (the humanness) between management and employees fails to provide the ultimate success in any organization's communication. Without connecting to the specific and diverse needs of a workforce, there can never be any true and lasting, successful training and communication. The thread throughout this material concentrates on revealing to managers what to do and not do in order to be more successful. Before trainers and managers can begin to learn, they need to understand new techniques on how to learn, which helps get ready to be trained and to train.

Part I

Philosophy of Learning

The basic concepts of learning have gone beyond the old methods of lecture-only, direct instruction training (See Appendix P, The Learning Pyramid). True learning starts when instructors realize that they need to teach to all of the needs of diverse audiences. Unfortunately, many trainers are still stuck in old ways and old methods and are much like educational band aides to real and severe training needs. If a trainer can apply a little differentiated instruction, a little cooperative and collaborative team-learning, or a little peer coaching, then managers can help communicate so real learning can take place. Still, there needs to be a commitment from learners to want to learn in different ways. At the same time, trainers need to encourage this open commitment by allowing learners to accept different methods of classroom, training instruction. Classroom flexibility is one of the deciding factors between old methods of learning and differentiated instruction—teaching to diverse learning audiences. Diversity in training refers to any type of "difference" in student learning that requires trainers to change the method of delivery to create better learning experiences for students (employees). The issue of diversity in learning and communication is explained by Gayle Gregory and Carolyn Chapman in their book _Differentiated Instructional Strategies_ : _One Size Doesn't Fit All_ when they stated, "No one would ever say that all students are the same. Certainly, no teacher or parent would tell you that. Yet, in schools (organizations), we often treat students (and employees) as if they were, even though all those faces look so different. We sometimes put them through the same hoops, even though we know it isn't making a difference for all of them. Sometimes, we get so caught up in one style of direct instruction that we train to the middle of the learning pack leaving both the slower learner and the faster learner out of the learning experience. Instructors need to commit to reaching all the different learners. Experience as well as research we now have about the human brain tells us that students (employees) are different, that they learn differently and have different preferences, and needs" (ix). Howard Gardner gets into the act as quoted by Tomlinson, "The biggest mistake of past centuries in teaching (communicating) has been to treat all children (employees) as if they were variants of the same individual, and thus to feel justified in teaching (communicating with them) the same subjects in the same ways" (9). If an organization doesn't take the time to understand the learning differences in their learning audience, then they stand a high chance of missing the learning-communication boat. In other words, some employees learn a little, others more, and some, not at all. This means that after the training is completed, employees venture back into the workplace without the right kind of understandings and not know how to apply what they were supposed to have learned in the "best" way. The question becomes whether a trainer really is willing to take the risk that poor training and communication techniques have sent one more employee back into the workplace with a hand tied behind his back. The risk is poor production (performance), low self-esteem, and a greater possibility of losing an employee because they feel they just never have the right kind of tools for success. This impacts employee retention and has a devastating impact on employee morale.

Learning Prepares Us for Communication

As instructors, leaders, and managers, we should never let employees be content with static learning experiences. Employees should always be ready to learn. This is the message that we need to be sending to our employees, "People learn from the moment of birth. Learning can and should be a lifelong process. Learning shouldn't be defined by what happened early in life, only at school. We constantly make sense of our experiences and consistently search for meaning. In essence, we continue to learn" (Conner, _How Adults Learn_ , p. 2). This means as a matter of good communication that leaders can encourage employees to prepare for more change in and about learning. If an employee says something like, "I'm through with learning new things when I got out of high school or college," then it might be a good idea to run from them. Encouraging learning is a first step to this better communication. Of course, there are benefits with learning such as strengthening the brain by building new circuits or pathways and increasing connections that we can rely on when we want to learn more (Connor).

Don't Retire Those Guys—Communicate with Them

During my management education, a story came out how a group of nuns dedicated their brains to science to discover how continuous learning impacts the brain's abilities. In these brain examinations, where there composite ages reached the 90s and above, they discovered new neurons and pathways were created faster than the losses. These nuns were constantly learning new things through reading and studies. This sheds new light on how organizations think about older learners. After this research was made public, some organizations rehired their older employees based on the fact that maybe they could still be an asset, and maybe there is value after age 40. In one 35-year study of 5000 people by Dr. K. Warner Schaie from the _Seattle Longitudinal Study of Adult Intelligence_ , he discovered that the intellectual decline can be reversed through education and intellectual activity. This is hopeful, and it is also hopeful that when memory does start fading, it is different than one might think. For instance, the PET research has shown that young people in their 20 to 30s compared to those in their 70s and 80s just use different parts of their brains to accomplish the same tasks. It also means that older people may forget their car keys more often; but given the same task, older learners can work on the same levels of efficiency as younger learners. According to PET, "This suggests that the brain may have the capability of switching functions out of the frontal lobes into other areas" (AFAR, 2008, p. 1). Jensen stated, "The brain is quite malleable throughout life. It can be nourished and developed well into old age. In fact, there's no reason to ever stop growing it. Even at 80 or 90, your brain can still be youthful and quick if you exercise it and challenge it. The more we use it, the better it gets" (Jensen, 1995, p. 22). Julie Patrick stated, "The changes that may accompany getting older don't necessarily mean that older adults can't perform well in their daily lives" (Patrick, 2008, p. 1).

I gave up on attempting to define the differences between adults and older adults since it is such a relative term. I used to think being age 50 made someone an older adult until I passed that age. So, adults are just adults, and I left it at that. Adult learners have also sabotaged themselves by their own diminished ideas of their own abilities; this is not necessary. According to _Health and Age,_ "One study of intelligence over a lifetime found that by the age of 81, only 30-40% of studied participants had a significant decline in mental ability. Two-thirds of people this age had only a small amount of decline. And only certain cognitive abilities decline while others improved" (2008, p. 1). It might surprise us to find that it takes longer to perform mental task after age 20. No one ever said over 20 was old, did we? (AFAR, 2008, p. 2)—age seems to be so relative.

I have heard from so many adults while working at AT&T retail that they refuse to learn about new technology—I-Phones and Blackberries are two of the best examples. They say, "I can't do that techie stuff. I'm too old to learn something new." I am amazed how disrespectful they are of themselves when they don't have to be. They believe the lie. Connor stated, "Western society once believed adults didn't learn. Even today, if you ask a group why adults cannot learn, it may surprise you how many begin to answer the question without challenging the premise. Unfortunately, many adults deny themselves what should be one of the most enriching times of their lives because they assume they can't learn" (p. 2). As a manager trying to communicate with adults, don't let them get away with this attitude. Also, this means that managers don't need to buy into this lie either. When we communicate with older adults, we should do so by treating all ages as if they were all on the same playing field, but not forgetting that age as a matter of diversity is just as much a diversity as ethnic or multicultural groups. Adults, who make up much of the workforce, need to be articulately handled and appreciated, not ignored or put to pasture, (watch out for ADEA), nor especially be part of disrespect or ridicule. "ADEA forbids employers from setting age limits for trainees; age cannot be a factor in making any decisions about workers; employers cannot force employees to retire at a certain age" (ADEA, 2008, p. 2).

When I was a professor at a local college, it became my privilege to work with another professor who was working for a temp service during the day and teaching at night. When this professor went out to a job, a manager said to him, "You don't fit what we want here. You are too old." Well, it didn't take long before the professor called the State service who protects employee rights. Within a week, they had visited the site requiring all records going back 5 years of every applicant that had not been hired to establish whether there was a hiring-discrimination pattern. He was soon after asked what type of remuneration he wanted as a result of their investigation. He did not have to spend a dime or sue at his expense for this because the State provides all of these services free of charge. I remember this department well since I have a Training Officer II Certification with the State and was asked by this group to consider working for them years ago.

Be careful as you consider the best kind of

communication working with all adults.

It becomes the leader's responsibility to encourage communication between managers and older adults as well as from peer-to-peer to overcome these issues. If a manager is going to do well at communicating, he finds that he has to learn how adults learn and communicate differently just as much as he would communicate differently between the genders. Connor stated once, "In today's business environment, finding better ways to learn (and communicate) will propel organizations forward. Strong minds fuel strong organizations. We must capitalize on our natural styles (of learning and communication) and then build systems to satisfy needs. Only through an individual learning (and communication) process can we re-create our (work) environments and ourselves" (p. 2).

Application, Application, Application

Recently, Bob spent several weeks in training for a new position. At the end of that time, he was passed directly to the workplace for hands-on training (application). Over and over again, he was shown how to do something in brief spurts by those who helped him. Only twice in all these interactions did someone say, "This is what you are doing, and this is why you are doing it. Now, why don't you try it?" Bob is a visual learner with a need for wanting to understand the "why?" Does that make Bob different? No! Bob is an "adult" learner. Adult learners need to have meaning for what they learn. Dorothy Mackeracher quoted Wlodkowski in her book _Making Sense of Adult Learning,_ "Learning is defined as a process of making sense of life's experiences and giving meaning to whatever 'sense' is made" (1996, p. 6). Adults need to have meanings behind the understandings in order for there to be a learning motivation as well as a learning experience. Watching and practicing learned understandings in action with the details, the details, the details produces the meanings that adults need to have to be successful when applying learning. Just throwing adult learners volumes of information without helping them understand how to apply it ensures failure. "What we do know is that learning as a process should guide the facilitating processes, rather than the other way around" (p. 14). Those learning about communication want to be taught as adult learners, not 3rd graders. "Adults are not mature children nor are children immature adults" (p. 17). So, Mr. Trainer, how are you going to do it? When you train, your goal is learning, so it might be a good idea to let the needs of the adult employees set the tone on just how you plan to instruct.

Poor Attempts at Training

It may not surprise employees that somewhere in the ivory tower of the training-Mecca-top-management, who have never trained, that management forces training down the throats of employees and expect immediate organizational changes. They move from the classroom to direct application without a support system or methods to have creative follow-up where it really counts. The classroom trainer may understand presentation and training techniques, but after that, no one else does. Whoops! Those who are left to provide training support aren't trainers but managerial baby sitters—not trainers. These managers go around with check-lists to see if anyone is doing new stuff. When not, some employees are scolded, some are warned, some are fired, but nothing changes while employees slip back to old ways and practices of what they have found to be comfortable regardless of the consequences. Corporate can't understand why the training failed, but normally they chock it up to employee contrariness; never that they don't understand learning to begin with. They threw volumes of information and new methods at employees with bazookas and very little of it changed anything. Learning is more complicated than this, and this kind of half-baked (you thought I was going to say something else) approach leaves learned understanding hanging without completing the job. Top management has caused a great communication train wreck because of training and communication ignorance. Many training-communication difficulties are caused by ignorance, and there is an old scripture, "My people are destroyed by lack of understanding," and this holds true here as well.

Building Better Adult Communication

Managers need to clearly understand how adults learn and best communicate. Here is a list developed by Stephen Lieb that should help:

  * "Adults are autonomous and self-directed: They need to be free to direct themselves. (Mr. Manager, remember this when you are assigning work projects and attempting to figure out who works best—perfect fit. Allow them to assume responsibility for everything from presentations and group leadership.)

  * Adults have accumulated a foundation of life experiences and knowledge that may include work-related activities, family responsibilities, and previous education. (Mr. Manager, use this valuable wealth of applicable information in places on the job where it counts most.)

  * Adults are goal-oriented. Adults want to know what the goals are in order to perform at their best. Give them the goals. Be specific. Never be vague or elusive when it comes to what they need to do or you want. (Give them a track to run on.)

  * Adults are relevancy-oriented. (As mentioned from Mackeracher, adults must see a reason and meaning for what they are doing. Explain steps and processes in ways where all the dots are connected. Leave nothing to their imagination. 'This is why you do this, and this is why you do that.' Adults are practical. They want to know explicitly how and why procedures and processes, including those things learned are applicable to their specific job and job tasks) (Lieb, _Principles of Adult Learners_ , p. 1).

The approach of speaking so much about how students learn is not something I made up. Whether we know it or not, when we learn we are also learning how to learn. Sometimes, we are also learning how we do not learn. Professor Candy stated something similar, "Like learning, 'learning to learn' can be thought as a goal or outcome as well as the process" (Candy, 1990). The objectives of learning teach us to challenge adult learners to develop abilities, skills, and applicable understandings that allow them to learn more effectively in a variety of learning situations, and finally, they help managers to communicate better with their employees because managers are starting to pay attention to what makes different employees tick.

Scenario Building

As trainers teach about communication, the format for the lessons gives flexibility to many learning opportunities that address learning differences. For instance, one of the main methods of learning discovery is in the use of scenario building from learning teams. Mackeracher continues to stress that adults learn in ways that make them want to connect past experiences to the learning. As she stated, "Adults learn more productively when the material or processes used bear some perceived relationships to past experience, or when past experience can be applied directly to new situations" (p. 41). Scenario building is a method that uses team and open discussions, then lets each student tell their stories and share what means most while applying what they have learned from each other. Learning is enhanced by the freedom of individual learning as well as from collaborative learning. Adults learn by building cooperation skills by working with their individual assignments as team members and providing means for the teams to consider, reflect, and self-assess everyone's part. In other words, each employee has a chance to explain how they would apply what they have learned to their personal and real world. According to Johnson, Johnson, and Smith, 1998, "Cooperative learning is an instructional paradigm in which teams of students work on structured tasks under conditions that meet five criteria: positive interdependence, individual accountability, face-to-face interaction, appropriate use of collaborative skills, and regular self-assessments of team functioning (p. 1). As the learning teams review the materials, they have a chance to share their learning stories in more applicable ways. "I remember when" is a positive way for adults to connect the learning for themselves and between each other. Scenario building is an essential activity in the training plans that I have developed and included listed in the appendixes.

Jigsaw

In education, jigsaw is becoming one of the best ways to let each of the preferences equally learn and communicate. For instance, if text or articles are reviewed, they are reviewed in teams where each employee uses their preferences to review the material and make presentations back to the greater groups. Team members share thoughts after reading, then make artsy presentations to discuss the high points of what they have learned. Each group reads materials and answers such questions as: (1) What did it say? (2) What did it mean to you? (3) What are the five most important facts that you read about? (4) Of those facts, how would you be able to apply this information to the real world that you live in? In any organization, there is always information to be covered. I was recently in a training program at AT&T when the trainer suggested what I understood was jigsaw. I asked the trainer, "Do you know what you call what you are doing?" He explained that it was "teach back." Good try. Don't rename what educators have worked so hard to develop by renaming it for your own purposes. Use what educators have worked so hard to understand and develop. It's jigsaw. Whether in a classroom or team meeting if a manager really wants learning and connection, jigsaw can help ensure everyone gets it.

Article and Informational Reviews

I have always used articles and case-study reviews for my classrooms in jigsaw fashion. This technique, learned at Trevecca Nazarene University in their management masters and educational masters programs, demonstrated to me how effective and practical jigsaw can be if done right. I have also seen this on the organizational training side. The trainer did not understand how the instructional designer designed the training to have a little lecture, a little video, a little hands-on, then jigsaw, but I did. Managers need to pay attention to the ingredients of their communication mix.

Article reviews are also where learners can evaluate a large variety of written materials. One of the most essential elements of small-group sharing is requiring teams to discuss how they would apply, then come up with open-ended questions to ask the other learning teams. The following interactions from these open-ended discussions pull in all the employee differences into the learning soup.

Open Discussions

As each of the learning teams of no more than 3-5 members evaluate text, information, and articles; the open-ended questions developed stimulate but avoid the dead-ends of "yes" and "no" questions. Discussions must be given the freedom to be explored where disagreements and agreements are respected. Chris Mathews said in his book _Let Me Tell You What I Really Think_ , "True freedom is the guaranteed right to open discourse and uninhibited debate" (Mathews, 2001, p. 109). It can be no different in learning-communication. There must be the freedom for teams and participants to have open discussions without restriction for true, enduring understandings to take place. One of the best ways to ensure better learning in training and the classroom is using scaffolding techniques.

Instructional Scaffolding

Some of the best ways to help learning is by also using instructional scaffolding. This is a method that was first introduced by Jerome Bruner. It uses a temporary framework of learning by letting employees build from one learning step to another or from one learning level, experience, to another. Sometimes this seems like each learning step is one of an easy learning step to another more difficult one, but this is not quite correct. It is more letting students complete a task successfully and making sure they got it, then moving on. Did they understand correctly, as enduring understanding, and are they ready to move on and up? As parents, we have always done this with children. Think how we teach our children to read or to walk—one step at a time. This has much to do with the way training could be designed for applying learning in the real world. Does the employee understand completely how to apply what they have learned so t

"Learning is facilitated in learning environments which are free from threat and which provide support for personal change. Learning activities need to include opportunities for testing new behaviors in relative safety, developing mutually trusting relationships, encouraging descriptive feedback, and reducing fear of failure" (Mackeracher, 1996, p. 41).

hey can do it with their _eyes closed_? If not, they have to. If they proceed into the work place without that ability, then training has failed. A comment from a manager to an employee in the midst of an intense task when they are having difficulty is not telling them to look it up. It involves completing the learning by detailed and expert demonstration, then giving them the time to practice without fear of failure. Most organizations are not willing to invest the time with a new employee to let them get to that level of expertise, but they should.

No Threats

Adult learners are peculiar in another way—low-threat needs. Nothing is as well received as personal stories of how to and how employees applied learning to the real world they live in. Sometimes trainers miss the need for adult learners to experience esteem-building activities and learning in a nonthreatening learning environment. Good example—Bob was asked to launch out on his own by applying his new head knowledge learned in weeks of classroom training. The actual application in a real-work setting was a lot different than the classroom. The real-work setting had the pressure with no time for figuring things out by checking whether he was doing it right or not. There was only, "Get it done fast so you can go to the next customer. Don't screw up."

Although Bob's background, classroom training was with intensive, specialized learning modules with a good trainer, the learning was still incomplete. The hands-on applications were an extreme threat—a mistake could cause customers and the company great harm—loss of revenue and reputation. This "threat" caused his learning to slow down and sent it flying backward, not forward. The organization was not prepared to finish what they started in an effective way.

The kind of applied training he received was too brief, "Watch me do it, and I'm sure you know how, now. Why are you asking about this again? How come you did not get this the first time? We all learned this faster than you. What's going on?"

Peer coaching is a method that allows an organization to pair up

seasoned employees with new employees for the sake of

hands-on learning.

Which is interpreted, "You are too slow. Are you stupid or what? You don't fit this job. Why are you here if you can't get this right? What's wrong with you?"

What happened slowed down Bob's learning, mistakes were made that negatively impacted customers, and it was a poor start for a potentially good employee. The spiral went down from there. Bob's self-esteem was diminished, and management started questioning whether Bob was a right fit—he was, but the training was not. What Bob needed may have been solved with peer coaching.

Peer Coaching

According to Joseph Toto in his article _Untapped World of Peer Coaching_ , "There is often an untapped wealth of coaching expertise already residing within any organization" (p. 69). Toto believed that it was important to develop a coaching culture. In the coaching culture, an organization reaches out and uses the experience of seasoned employees to mentor newer and more inexperienced employees. It is important for organizational leaders to view coaching and development as one of the key responsibilities and deliverables in their roles. This does not mean assigning online quizzes and tests as the finished work of training by compliance or suggestion. It means an accountability to assign the best with those who need the most help. Peer coaching is able to demonstrate the value and practice of real hands-on teaching that goes way beyond drill-and-grill training. Just because employees take online training modules does not mean they know how to apply what have learned in direct application to their jobs. It may be that peer coaching could be as much a calling as a teacher, instructor, tutor, or even a minister. It takes special people to teach, to instruct, to minister; and it also takes special employees to coach. Leaders need to seek out those who fit the helping-hand attitudes of good coaches realizing that knowledge is only one part of the coaching essentials.

An effective peer coach should believe in helping, supporting, and guiding a peer and not appear as someone who has all the answers or is eager to tell others what to do. Participants to be coached should be open-minded, interested, and appreciative of peer learning, not defensive, closed-minded, or preoccupied with their reputations. When peer coaching is approached effectively, there is a certain vulnerability for both parties-the coach is reaching into his experience and expertise to help an employee, and the participant is being honest about weaknesses that need to be strengthened (p.70).

Trainer, how are you going to do this? How are you going to guarantee to adult learners that it is going to be okay when they apply what they learn and fail? What kind of backend help are you going to provide these learners when they try to apply what they learned? Are you going to provide these adult learners with a threat-free learning environment? Are you going to consider peer coaching?

Different Drums and Different drummers

In communication, differences and respect for differences need to be considered, understood, and tolerated in ways that make training and communication better, not worse. It is our way to want everyone to be like us: be like me, BLM.—making others our Pygmalion projects. We seem to be intent on making everyone like ourselves. Extroverts want everyone to love being around people while introverts don't understand what is the big deal with the people connection, anyway. It is not our place to make everyone like us, but we try, won't we? Managers should not expect everyone to act, work, and communicate the same. David Kiersey has a list of comments that sum up what he calls the different drums and different drummers.

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong. Or, if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view. Or, if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly. Or, yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences (Kiersey & Bates, 1984, p. 1).

Resisting our supposedly natural compulsion of asking others to change may be almost contrary to nature, but it must be done with an understanding that we are all wired differently. Our insistent to change others may be so destructive as to ruin all chances of having good communication. In fact, it may ruin any opportunity to use talents and inherent differences to enhance a positive work environment and a more positive job performance. It will be the modalities of learning and communicating that demonstrate some of the most difficult communication challenges.

Modalities of Learning with Training & Communicating

If a trainer or manager decides that the only way they are going to train or communicate with an employee is to "stand and deliver" (preach) (lecture) (tell), then they are robbing students and employees alike from real learning and connections. Eric Jensen stated, "Far too often, teachers (managers) are still using the old model of 'stand and deliver'"—teachers (managers) talk employees try to keep up with the just the words. Our brains are very poorly designed for this type of learning and communication. Communication must be done by using visual, kinesthetic, conscious and non-conscious stimulation. According to Jensen, we communicate and learn on many brain pathways at once. Communication that connects to employees on a variety of levels and matches the employees' personal learning and communication preferences provides the best results for both trainers and managers. No employee or student is the same as I have mentioned. In communicating with employees, managers must adapt. In training as well as daily workplace communication, the differences of employees must be considered. But, in this training, there should be an attempt to address the different learning styles of managers and to use these learning styles to become better learners. The three basic modalities are the auditory, the visual, and the kinesthetic. If a manager communicates with an auditory preferenced employee, then this employee will love the lecture, the talk, and the speech. So, when this training (communication) moves to auditory techniques, yes, you guessed it, homerun for the auditory learner. When a manager communicates with a visual-preferenced employee, the employee will really love the text, the charts, the written reports, the literature, but they will fight hard to listen to the auditory. This employee needs to be physically shown and demonstrated the applications and practice it themselves. When a manager communicates with the kinesthetic-preferenced employee, this employee will like to create, build, draw, and assemble anything where they can use their hands—hands-on. This means that the manager needs to make sure that practiced and applicable learning (communication) takes placed or these employees will not get it. The key to communication is to understand that as information is reviewed it should move from the auditory, to visual, to kinesthetic and becomes a mixed bag of all so that each of the learning-communication preferences is addressed and every preference is used, not just one. These preferences are getting ready to be even more complicated: look at adding matchers and mismatchers to the mix.

Matchers and Mismatchers

Many times in the classroom and in the workplace I noticed how students, peers, and even customers responded differently when presented the same kinds of information. In fact, it took me a while to realize that they were not being contrary or hard-to-get-along, but they were wired differently. When some peers would seem to go out of their way to agree; others would seem to go out of their way to disagree. Unfortunately, managers might call the latter trouble-makers. This is not the case at all. The majority of people will seem to want to look for ways to agree and seek out harmony while others will look for ways to disagree and seem contrary. If communicating, managers need to understand that these represent two different personality types: matchers and mismatchers. A matcher will agree with you more often; try to find the familiar, tried, and true; be uncomfortable with novelty; follow rules, stay with the group; learn by similarities, and do what is expected by others (Jensen). The mismatchers will seem to disagree with you more often and enjoy novelty and change with a bit of risk, then sometimes ignore the rules. They need differences to understand content and improve their communication (Jensen). An easy way to say this is that the matcher looks at a memo or an email and seek out agreement and look for similarities while the mismatchers looks for differences and disagreements. The mismatchers would be apt to say, "Boss, you misspelled that word." Or, "Your statement on line 3 does not make sense." Mismatchers are wired differently than matchers. They need differences to live.

A customer may say, "I see that the biggest difference between this plan and this plan is this."

The matcher would say, "I see that the biggest similarities between this plan and this plan is this."

Who's right. Both are. There is nothing wrong with mismatchers. The key in communication is to be able to spot the mismatcher and not take disagreement personally. As Jensen stated, "Don't try to 'fix' them; they're not broken" (p. 47).

Once I spotted a mismatcher in class, I would ask, "Bob, thanks for that catch. Would you mind see if you see any errors or inconsistencies in the article for me?"

Jensen stated a good response to a mismatcher would be, "Thanks for pointing out your point of view. I had never thought about that before. If you have any other ideas like that, I'd like discuss it. Keep up the good work" (Jensen). Another category to review for better teamwork are the right-brain and the left-brain folks.

Right-Brain Left-Brain

The modalities are not the only diversity with learners that managers-trainers need to address: There are right-brain and left-brain employees to communicate with. We all need both sides (hemispheres) of our brain to engage in any activity, especially communication. There are differences in the way left or right brained employees communicate. While you are trying to communicate to the left-brain employee, he is trying to analyze and process what you are saying from facts-and-figures while the right-brain employee will be trying to figure out how they "feel" about what you are saying. The right side of the brain craves music, creative arts, languages, and writing as much as the left side of the brain craves facts, figures, math, and logic—to oversimplify. What if you ask a right-brain employee to run the statistics on a spreadsheet. That might be a wrong move. You might get a clueless, Bambi-in-the-headlight's look. What if you ask a left-brain employee to write a 10-page report that journalizes their feelings about employee morale. You did say, "Be creative, and I don't mind you being artsy." Whoops! You need to pay attention to these differences and you can use the survey in Appendix A. Just remember this when you ask your employees to accomplish a critical task; just make sure the correct brain hemisphere is working best for you. Look to see which employees are right and left. Don't put them all of any category on the same learning team

Extroverts and Introverts

Everyone seems to know how extroverts and introverts act. The normal response says, "The extrovert is outgoing and loves to be around people while the introvert keeps to himself." Well, those are the symptoms not the reasons. Extroverts receive energy from being around people. If extroverts end up being alone for too long, they feel drained and tired. Extroverts appear sociable and seem motivated by working, talking, and engaging others. An introvert receives energy by being by themselves and feels drained if they spend too much time around people. Still, when an extrovert appears socialable, the introvert is territorial and require private space and places to energize. The extrovert's natural symptoms of being people-people keeps teams percolating just as much as the introverts provide a measure of needed, calculated silence. It has to be said that older employees are more likely to have learned to put on their opposite hats and preferences as needed.

As Kiesrsey stated in regards to how we can misunderstand these differences, "The notion of anyone wanting or needing much solitude is viewed rather often as reflecting an unfriendly attitude. Solitary activities frequently are seen as ways to structure time until something better comes along, and this something better by definition involves interactions with people. As a consequence, introverts are often the ugly ducklings in a society where the majority enjoy sociability" (p. 16). In communicating with these diverse persons, how a manager views the natural preferences of employees can be helpful in assigning tasks and projects. As a manager, you might find individual assignments and projects work well for the introverts just like being a team or group leader would work well for the extroverts. You are learning communication in a different way by understanding these differences. Remember, don't put them all in the same team, please.

Myers Briggs-Perceptives Versus Judgers

Another complexity to differences are those classified as Myers Briggs differences: especially the perceptives versus the judgers. A manager can't escape considering how these two personalities tick. Anyone who is planning to put together a team or a learning group or attempting to connect in communication needs to understand the deep differences in these two categories. Let us say that an employee is terrible time getting work done on a timely basis; and as a manager, you always get your projects done ahead of time. In fact, you find that you can't stand having a open or pending item; it drives you crazy. Well, it is more than likely that your employee is a perceptive while you may be a judger. As a manager, you might actually be saying, "Why can't Joe be more like me." This is where we have to be careful since we might want to categorize differences in terms of what Kiesrsey refers to as "flaws" and "inflictions." Kiersey stated, "In this misunderstanding of others we also diminish our ability to predict what they will do. Likewise, we cannot even reward others should we want to, since what is reward to us is, very likely, a matter of indifference to the other" (Kiersey & Bates, p. 6.).

The Judger (J) has preferences for several different working conditions. For instance, a J wants to establish structure, deadlines, and be compelled to outcomes and specific objectives. In return, the Perceiving (P) always yearns for a more open working conditions and feel very uncomfortable with deadlines and feel handcuffed to specific outcomes and objectives. The Js are compelled to have things completed and want to have decisions as soon as possible while the P always looks for more choices and possibilities. This means that Ps probably seem more delayed about decisions since they want to have more time to evaluate. A manager can see that if a work team was established for tasks and projects that team captains might do well to be Js while the followers to help the team become more deliberate as Ps. It will be up to the manager to help the team understand the principles concerning "flaws and afflictions." This brings us to the phrase "work ethics." It is very important for everyone to understand that Ps can have great work ethics but they approach work in different ways. Just because Js believe work comes before everything else, does not mean that Ps do not have a good work ethic.

There are some interesting cue words that Kiersey used to describe the misunderstandings between the Ps and Js. "J people can be heard to describe Ps and 'indecisive,' 'procrastinating,' 'foot dragging,' 'aimless,' 'purposeless,' 'resistive,' 'critical,' and 'blocking decisions,' while Ps are said to remark that Js are 'driven,' 'driving,' 'too tasks oriented,' 'pressured,' 'rigid,' and 'inflexible,'" ( p. 24). Now, managers have the job of putting it all together. Schooling the team on differences and watching the appropriate language of Ps and Js is strategic in communication.

A personal story of my marriage: When I used to teach the Principles of Management course, I used to use this example. Nancy, my wife, is a P, and I am a J. Nancy would rather die than do her homework ahead of time while I have to have it completed on schedule and most of the time finished well before I can rest. It used to bother me when Nancy used to wait so long to finish her research because I helped her by typing her finished work, after all I taught college keyboarding. Finally, when it would come up, I would just say to himself, "Oh, Nancy, the P, go figure rather than say, Nancy the bad person." I have to admit that once Nancy started her management degree at Bethel College, she completed her work weeks in advance. You see, by understanding ourselves better we can adapt and change as we need to. This also means becoming better communicators. Is there a way to pull all of these diverseness into meaningful interactions for learning? How about using unit frameworks?

Discussing Unit Framework

A unit framework is a specially designed lesson plan that asks the right kind of questions so we really get to the students' needs. For instance, the following gives us the essential questions and items of a standard unit provided by Tomlinson in _Integrating_ _Differentiated Instruction: Understanding by Design:_

1. "Unit Theme

2. Length of Unit

3. Concepts: What concepts will employees explore in this module and from this information?

4. Enduring Understandings: What understandings are desired? Employees will understand that.......

5. Essential Questions: What essential questions will be considered?

6. Content Knowledge: What key knowledge will employees acquire as a result of this information? Employees will know...

7. Skills: What key skills will employees acquire as a result of this module or information? Employees will be able to do...

8. Standards **:** What standards are being addressed in this module or information? You can select particular course topics.

9. Evidence of Understanding: What performance tasks will show that employees understand the content, understandings, and skills? What quizzes, journal prompts, observations, dialogues, work samples, etc, will show that employees understand the content, understandings, and skills?

10. Student-Employee Reflection: What employee self-reflection and other reflection tasks would show that employees understand the content, understandings, and skills? (jigsaw)

11. Resources: What resources support this instructional unit?

Books

Organizational coursework

Organizational information

Articles

Websites

Other" (Tomlinson, 1996, p. pp. 121-127)

Discussing WHERETO Framework

In the planning of learning experiences and instruction stage of the unit framework, there is the WHERETO framework. This method of communication planning can also be essential in designing diversity and instructional methods into a classroom. WHERETO is from Tomlinson & Mctighe in their book _Integrating Differentiated Instruction & Understanding by Design_ and is a guide to describe the learning experiences, instructional strategies, and resources you will use to help employees address the essential questions of the unit, modules, and information to achieve deep understanding of the big ideas. In some cases, WHERETO can be added to the unit framework as a final item to confirm learning objectives and understandings.

"W-Where are we going? Why? What is expected? Explain what you will do to help employees understand the goals for your module and information. Make a pretest to help you to assess mastery of concepts, skills, etc.

H-How will you hook and hold the employees as you introduce them to the conceptual idea of the module and information? Describe your hook for the learning?

E-What will be the experiences and explorations you will provide to your employees? Describe these.

R-In what ways will you help them to rethink, revise, or refine and reflect on the big ideas of your learning information? Describe them here.

E **-** How will you encourage self-evaluation? Describe your idea here.

T-How will you tailor the design to address employee differences in background knowledge and experiences, skill levels, talents, and learning styles? Describe your plan for resources or the use of differentiation strategies to be used.

O-How will the learning experiences be organized to enable the employees to achieve the desired results? What sequence of learning experiences makes sense? Outline the sequence of your lessons here. Determine where large group instruction will occur and small group instruction to meet the needs of your diverse learners" (121-127). Designing training on communication must be done with authentic work in mind.

Inauthentic or Authentic Work

In learning, it is important to know the difference between what Mctighe calls inauthentic and authentic work. Here are only a few of the differences that would apply to employee learning and communication:

"Inauthentic Work | Authentic Work

---|---

Fill in the blank | Conduct research using primary sources

Select an answer from given choices | Debate a controversial issue

Answer recall questions at end of chapter or from article reviews | Conduct a scientific investigation

Solve contrived problems | Solve 'real-world' problems" (Mctighe, 2001, p.33)

It's All About Team

Team activity is essential and foundational to employee learning, training, and communication. The key to team activity is how the trainer puts teams together. A survey located as Appendix A was designed to address three types of student learning differences: the modalities, right-brain-left-brain, and Myers Briggs (extrovert-introvert). As the survey results are reviewed in advance of the start of the training, the trainer can prepare the teams with a balanced mix of the differences. The trainer needs to avoid putting all the auditory, the visual, the kinesthetic, the right-brain, the left-brain, the extroverts, and introverts in one group. Every team needs an appropriate mix of each. The Appendix A survey is a hybrid of several different sources to provide just those answers. In addition, gender and ethnic considerations can be important as a final refinement. For instance, it wouldn't be a good idea to put all the women in one group and all the men in another. Likewise, it would not be a good idea to single out multicultural groups by putting them all in the same teams either.

Part II

The Character of Communication

The true character of communication is all of us as we are being observed all the time. What are we known by? How do people feel about us on a consistent and day-by-day basis? What kinds of messages are we sending to our employees? Are we saying we care for someone when we don't? Are we saying that we want employees to succeed; but in our hearts, we don't believe they will? Is it possible that employees hear what we say but are picking up the verbal and nonverbal signals of a different kind? Our overall communication tells everyone who and what we are. Are we toxic or not?

Toxic Leadership

Toxic leadership is a method of communication that causes an organization to fail. The term is a Daniel Goleman term. One of the most important parts of employee communication is communicating using emotional intelligence (EI). Goleman believes that organizational leaders send messages to their employees that can harm or help them, and that is why managers are the firm's emotional guides (2002). All leadership includes these messages for better or worse. When leaders negatively drive emotions, they really are responsible for failure, not the success in an organization. Leaders can emotionally hijack an organization. In the training outline in the appendix, there are specific sections like _SOB distortion and who wants to work for a bully?_

Mirror neurons make emotions contagious, letting the feelings we witness flow through us, helping us get in synch and follow what's going on. We 'feel' the other in the broadest sense of the word: sending their sentiments, their movements, their sensations, their emotions as they act inside us" (Goleman,

2006, p. 42).

Carlos Ghosn stated in his article _Good Management: You Know It When You See It,_ "There's nothing more pitiful than talented people not being able to express themselves and not being able to achieve their objectives and give the best of themselves because of poor management. Unfortunately, poor management is everywhere. You can fight poor management only by exposing good management. Good management is not in the books. It's in the practice" (Ghosn, 2006, p. 1). It might sound absolutely ridiculous to think that emotions can be passed like the common cold, but that is exactly the way we work. It was Goleman who stated, "The same effect holds in the office, boardroom, or shop floor; people in groups at work inevitably 'catch' feelings from one another, sharing everything from jealously and envy to angst or euphoria. The more cohesive the group, the stronger the sharing of moods, emotional history, and even hot buttons" (2002, p. 7).

The warning can be to watch out for whom you associate. It is very possible that negative feelings are rubbing off on you. Think about bosses that all of us have had in the past, "Leaders who emit the negative register—who are irritable, touchy, domineering, cold—repel people. No o

If the lyric that says, 'When you're smiling the whole world smiles

at you,' is true, then that if you are not,

the whole world doesn't either

ne wants to work for a grouch. Research has proven it: Optimistic, enthusiastic leaders easily retain their people, compared to bosses who tend toward negative moods" (p. 11-12). This sounds like a quote from the Harry Potter series, called the dementors who, "drain peace, hope and happiness out of the air around them."

Organizational Motivation

Recently, I had a conversation about providing communication training at a call center for which I worked. I recognized that the sale's team managers were doing a great job because they were just good people, not because they understood the newest communication techniques. I asked if there were ways for the team managers to gain some training from the company. The answer was, "We used to, but we don't anymore." Again the scripture came to mind, "For lack of knowledge, my people are destroyed" (King James). It seemed like upper management did not want team managers to know about good management, leadership, and communication techniques. Why? I suspect it was that it would be like turning on a bright light. It would more than likely expose the poor management methods of others. Upper management did not want that kind of exposure. When we communicate, we are shouting to others about the very inner person we are whether we know it or not.

Mirroring Revisited

Recently, I moved from one department to another at a large organization. The local management team was wonderful, then all of a sudden I got a peek at some emails from upper management to the group. I was amazed at the threat levels. It was so demoralizing to have good leaders working in teams in his department, then have upper management continuously handing out threats and singling out employees. When I finally met one of the managers, there was a supportive voice that said, "Keep trying; you can do it; don't give up; we are behind you; we know you all can do it!" A short time later, from email again, "Your group is not doing what we want; you are failing to do what we want; your job is in jeopardy; you are expendable; you better watch out; warning, warning; you are in trouble!" These kinds of mixed signals are part of the wrong messages from poor management that only causes an organization to fail. These mixed signals are from managers who have learned this from someone else, probably those directly above them. It was much later that I heard a comment that talked how this manager was really buffering us from much greater and severe criticism. What a shame that buffering had to be done at all. This means that whoever this manager reports to is probably toxic and completely lacking in EI ability. It for those that Goleman created that chapter: No One Likes to Work for a SOB.

Here is the decision that managers have in communicating with employees. "Should I be true to my real self and find better ways of communicating rather than using negativity and threats, or do I just pass the negativity and threats along without any re-consideration? If we don't say it, are we still sending the message anyway?

Thin Slicing

Thin-slicing is a new phrase that is mentioned in the book _Blink_ that tells how we communicate to others without saying a word. In _Blink_ , the author speaks how within five feet, our heart (brain) and feelings sends messages to others about what we really feel regardless what our mouth says. Other sources mention the same thing:

Shoshana Zuboff, professor at Harvard Business School, says organizations that don't trust intuition are making a mistake: 'So many people go awry because they only use sterile analytical tools' The Instituted of HeartMath, in Boulder Creek, California, has devoted more than a decade of scientific research to understanding how the physical heart—beating electrical energy—is 40 to 60 times stronger in amplitude than the brain. The institute's researchers point to scientific experiments showing how the heart's electromagnetic signals are transmitted to every cell of your body and then emanate outward from you—these electromagnetic signals have been detected five feet away.

Intuitiveness is a type of communication (the adaptive unconscious) that is becoming more well known and gives communication a whole new meaning. Malcolm Gladwell stated, "Thin-slicing refers to the ability of our unconscious to find patterns in situations and behaviors based on very narrow slices of experience. Thin-slicing is part of what makes the unconscious so dazzling" (Gladwell, 2005, p. 23). We did not know nor did others that we all have been thin-slicing the real intent of others way before they ever say anything. Gladwell discusses how our adaptable unconscious is more accurate and a better indicator in communication than we ever thought. It gets to the truth about others and in circumstances far faster than our brains do.

This brings up an experience I had at one organization where my manager verbally supported me, but other managers came to me to say that she had a bet going that I would fail. My adaptable unconscious picked up the first message in a thin-slice way before I heard the truth; I didn't fail, but became one of the top producers for my team on all metrics.

These intuitive signals became even clearer to me when I read from Goleman as he stated in his book _Social Intelligence_ :

The next ingredient is good feeling, evoked largely through tone of voice and facial expression. In building a sense of positivity, the nonverbal messages we send can matter more than what we are saying. Remarkable, in an experiment where managers gave people unflattering feedback while still exhibiting warm feelings toward them through their voice and expression, those receiving the critiques nevertheless felt positively about the overall interaction (2007, p. 30).

Timothy Wilson stated in his book _Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive_ _Unconscious_ , "The mind operates most efficiently by regulating a good deal of high-level, sophisticated thinking to the unconscious, just as a modern jetliner is able to fly on automatic pilot with little or no input from the human, 'conscious' pilot. The adaptive unconscious does an excellent job of sizing up the world (and people) warning people of danger, setting goals, and initiating action in a sophisticated and efficient manner" (2002, Harvard University Press). Maybe, we send those kinds of negative messages and say those kinds of harmful things because we can.

Because They Can

Recently, in a NPT documentary, a well-known scientist was asked why evil people did the terrible things they do? (Maybe with management the question is why do some managers act like jerks?) It was a philosophical question, but the answer was telling, "Because they can." In corporate communication, management jerks can say and treat employees poorly, "Because they can." It shows the character that was mentioned earlier. How do jerks go home to family and to church after abusing others at work and not realize the hypocrisy? Again, management communication is judged by the consistent character lived out among their lives 24-7, not just at work. The work environment created by poor management communication can create another liability for any organization: hostile work environment.

Hostile Work Environments

With litigation from stressed employees increasing at an alarming rate, management might be surprised that poor communication practices can cause, not only poor employee retention, but lawsuits. According to Mark Parham of Culture Consulting, Inc., "Hostile work environments (HWES) are one of the most painful – and unproductive – experiences anyone can have in modern corporate America" (Parham, 2007, p. 1). Some of those symptoms can be that an employee dreads coming to work, go home drained, exhausted, and frustrated. First, we need to understand that a HWE is more than just management to employee. It can be employee to employee. That part of the HWE formula is far more difficult to control, but it is absolutely about communication. Employees mistreating, harassing, ridiculing, gossiping about, pecking on, and bothering other employees for a variety of different reasons. Some are biases they may have about others that are symptomatic. They may not know exactly why they don't like other another employee. Or, just why is it that they do not like the older employee; the overweight employee, a women boss, a black boss, or any number of or scores of employee differences. In the end, it all comes out as HWE. Whether it is a manager or another employee, when it happens, it is still HWE material and sometimes can be referred to as simple bullying.

Bullies in the Workplace

Managers who don't effectively use good communication techniques would probably be surprised that others might consider them organizational bullies. This training raises our own awareness about ourselves and others. Managers who have not learned the best tools of emotional intelligence can many times be tagged as organizational bullies to others. This may also mean that there are bullies around us and very much above us on the food chain to contend with, but contend we must. To head off the bullies, you need to raise your own natural awareness that they exist. Debbie Carter mentions a list of things to identify these kinds of wrong management actions; see if any of these fit yourself or others:

  * "Spreading malicious rumors or insulting someone (particularly on the grounds of race, sex, disability, sexual orientation, and religion or belief);

  * copying memos that are critical about someone to others who do not need to know;

  * ridiculing or demeaning someone-picking on them or setting them up to fail;

  * exclusion or victimization;

  * unfair treatment

  * overbearing supervision or other misuse of power or position;

  * making threats or comments about job security without foundation;

  * undermining a good employee by increasing their work load and **criticizing their efforts;**

  * preventing individuals progressing by intentionally blocking promotion or training opportunities" (Carter, 2006, p. 44-45).

It may be important to explain the difference between organizational bullies and those who harass, "Bullying may be characterized as offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behavior, an abuse or misuse of power through means intended to undermine, humiliate, belittle, or injure the receiver. Harassment, in general terms, is unwanted conduct affecting the dignity of men and women in the workplace. It may be related to age, sex, race, disability, religion, nationality, or any personal characteristic of the individual, and may be persistent or an isolated incident" (Carter, 2006, p. 44).

Behavior that is considered bullying by one person may

be considered firm management by another.

This is the gotcha in communication. Is your communication style being perceived as just a tough boss, or are you really being a bully? Sometimes other activity can be just as much bullying as the tyrant on wheels; consider things like getting the silent treatment from a manager or a manager consistently failing to respond to your phone calls or e-mails.

Well, "My boss is just moody."

It's nice to wear our feelings so much on our shirt sleeves, but that is not emotional or social awareness, and it is certainly not the best use of good communication techniques needed to help an organization grow and be more productive. The economy might be doing terrible right now, so everyone is trying to hold on to their jobs for better or worse. Sooner or later, the economy will turn around, and all of those employees who hung on will decide they don't have to anymore. Managers are going to come into work with rows of empty desks because employees, good employees, have gone somewhere else. The communication environment may have much do with that.

It probably does not surprise any employee that negative (jerks) people and negative communication from bosses can produce a poor work environment and even affect bottom-line financial results with any organization. Climate being the organizational culture has a direct relationship to profits. "For every 1 percent improvement in the service climate, there's a 2 percent increase in revenue" (Goleman, p. 15). In addition, "Poor morale among frontline customer service reps at a given point in time predicts high turnover—and declining customer satisfaction—up to three years later. This low customer satisfaction, in turn drives declining revenues" (Goleman, p. 17). In the book _Mars and Venus in the Workplace_ by John Gray, he stated, "Today people recognize that they don't deserve it (deserve management abuse) and will look elsewhere for a job. In the long run, this behavior of using negative emotions to intimidate and manipulate alienates others and generates mistrust" (2002, p. 37). Even Daniel Goleman reaffirms what Gray mentions how poor management communication impacts employee retention and can lead to people burn out (2004, p. 23). There is a real expense to poor employee retention. If an organization understands this impact, it might reconsider the kinds of management training are most important: Positive Workplace Communication Training Program. This training program might teach managers how to hold off negative, emotional outbursts and decide to communicate in more positive and productive ways.

In one organization where I worked, a top boss continually verbally insulted and harassed a young man in front of others ever chance he got. It got so bad that no one liked going to the team meetings because it was more an onslaught that was embarrassing to everyone. The top boss was an ex-math teacher from the public school system—heaven help those students. As a result, a couple of verbal jabs were made to me one day, then a couple more. I went and bought the book _Bully in the Workplace_ and placed it on the corner of his desk that led straight into the boss' office. The boss walked by, stopped to look at the book, then never said another negative work to me. What happened? Bullies will back down if confronted and told to stop, but they will continue to treat you as a victim if you do not. This book had that plastered all over the cover in red ink. He knew that I was not going to be a willing victim. This causes another dynamic. In the attempt to hope that bullying will go away if ignored or just for the righteous cause of brotherly love trying to be nice rather than confront them, then an employee is caught between serious dilemmas: tell them to stop or let it go. The answer is to tell them to stop, document and journal the incidents, report it to management or human resources or the union, but do not let it go on—stop it—make others accountable for their actions.

Emotional Intelligence

Many of the references used prior to this have peppered the content from emotional intelligence experts: Mayer and Salovey in 1990 and continued with Goleman through Robert Cooper. What I have not done is to plainly describe what it is. Emotional intelligence is now considered a great asset that works with IQ but not necessarily in place of it. In today's organizations, EI is considered a valuable asset that without it, a leader cannot be a leader. If two candidates were to be considered for employment, and both had the same qualifications, then the one who was able to show EI would be hired. No longer is IQ the only given trademark of organizational success. The value of EI in comparison to IQ is becoming considered more important with many organizational circles. For instance, Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf stated:

I

"The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and our relationships, are abilities distinct from, but complementary to academic intelligence" (El-Sayed quoting Goleman).

f the driving force of intelligence in twentieth-century business has been IQ, then—according to growing evidence—in the dawning twenty-first century it will be IQ, and related forms of practical and creative intelligence. Of course, there are still those in management who would dismiss emotions entirely, or see them as a minefield to be avoided at all costs. Yet in many cases these are the very managers who, for all their emphasis on cold, had numbers and the bottom line, are most out of touch with the heart-level engine that drives human capital and produces he exceptional, creative work required for any organization to lead the field admidst the turbulence and confusion of global market changes (1997, p. xxvii).

EI is the ability of a leader to use his personal savvy to manage his own emotions so he can lead others directly for and about personal and organizational success. Mayer & Salovey stated, "EI is involves the ability to perceive accurately, appraise, and express emotion; the ability to access and/or generate feelings when they facilitate thoughts: the ability to understand emotion and emotional knowledge; and the ability to regulate emotions to promote emotional and intellectual growth" (1997). This means fully managing emotions.

Managing ones emotions is not new; but now, it has research wrapped around. El-Sayed quoted Goleman, "Evidence testifies that people who are emotionally adept, who know and manage their own feelings well, and who read and deal effectively with other people's feelings, are at an advantage in any domain of life, from romance, to picking up the unspoken rules or organizational politics (Dissertation, Marway Marndouh El-Sayed, 2005). Many of the reflections about toxic leadership, management jerks, etc. are about the reciprocals (opposite) of EI. Maybe the old phrase, "I may not know what it is, but I certainly know what it is not," has significance.

I have personally spent hours researching the positive impacts of EI for my doctorate dissertation. My dissertation approaches the impact on student performance based on the types of organizational climates created by management and college administrators. I believe that research bears out that when management and college administrators create positive work environments using EI skills that they improve the self-efficacy (self-esteem) of its employees (teachers). There is a broad acceptance that improved self-efficacy among employees produces higher production just as in education produces higher student performance. Individual EI competences have been shown to be significantly related to individual performance (Boyatziz, 1982). Performance cannot be separated from the people who make up our organizations that makes people the most valuable assets. We are not asked to manage our emotions among dogs or cats, but among the sea of emotionally centered employees. It is our ability to use our interpersonal skills to work together and get along that has the greatest value. Therefore, EI is not just something that management and leaders have and use; all employees need have and use it.

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Recent interest on EI focuses on the role of EI in determining a person's success. The notion of EI is based on several competencies and tendencies related to the experiences of moods and emotions that contribute to the successful navigation of one's social environment (Fox & Sector, 2000). Emotional intelligence determines our potential for developing the practical skills of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skills (El-Sayed).

Emotional Intelligence and Self Awareness

One of the major categories in EI is self-awareness. Knowing what we are feeling in the moment, and using preferences to assist in our decision making gives us realistic assessments of our own abilities and a well-grounded sense of self-confidence. Self-awareness includes understanding our own feelings with an accurate self-assessment, which includes self-confidence. When we understand ourselves, we are more apt to be able to read the emotional climate and understand how that climate is impacting employees and ultimately their work performance. Sayed discussed how when we recognize our own emotions and their impact on others, then we can use them to pick-up on work environment cues and clues and communicate better. The following are some tips that Goleman gives us on creating a better communication style with employees that requires our self awareness:

  * "What matters most to them?

  * Listen to their interest, dreams, and aspirations

  * Respect and positive expectations

  * Seek out, affirm, and draw on the unique abilities of each

employee

  * Nurture a growing awareness of employees' particular

strengths

  * Help employees acknowledge areas of weaknesses

  * Facilitate ways to remediate or compensate for weaknesses

  * Ask employees to reflect on their own growth, factors that

facilitate that grown and like next steps to ensure continual growth" (2002, p. 40).

Other Categories

Another category of EI is self-management that determines how we manage our own personal internal states, impulses, and resources consisting of emotional self-control, trustworthiness, conscientiousness, adaptability, innovativeness, self-motivation, and initiative. Social awareness is also defined as the ability to sense people's feelings and emotions using empathy, service orientation and organizational awareness. As managers and leaders, we are then faced with thin-slicing and using our intuitiveness to better understand what people need to meet their needs even to meet their personal development to increase their abilities and skills. This means that EI leaders are able to use their communication skills to handle conflict, be change catalyst, build bonds between others, then work effectively in collaboration and teamwork (El-Sayed). This means that EI leaders and managers understand organizational culture to the point that they are able to orchestrate emotions with themselves and others to play the perfect music. Goleman refers to this ability like playing golf.

Thinking about Golf Clubs

In the college Principles of Management courses that I taught, I spent a lot of time discussing Goleman's EI by talking about golf clubs. In the article _Leadership That Gets Results_ by Daniel Goleman, he talks how great management communication comes from using different types of emotional intelligence techniques depending on the different situations as well as with different employee. Goleman stated:

An perhaps most important; the research indicates that leaders with the best results do not rely on only one leadership style, they use most of them in a given week—seamlessly and in different measure—depending on the business situation. Imagine the styles, then, as the array of clubs in a golf pro's bag. Over the course of a game, the pro picks and chooses clubs based on the demands of the shot. Sometimes he has to ponder his selection, but usually it is automatic. The pro senses the challenge ahead, swiftly pulls out the right tool, and elegantly puts it to work. That's how high impact leaders operate, too (Goleman, 2000, p. 1-2).

Goleman points out some major communication styles of EI: coercive style, the authoritative style, the affiliative style, the democratic style, the pacesetting style, and the coaching style. He used a simple comparison in his article:

Six Leadership Styles

---

Category | Coercive | Authoritative | Affiliative | Democratic | Pacesetting | Coaching

Modus Operandi | Demands immediate compliance | Mobilizes people towards a vision | Creates harmony and build emotional bonds | S Forges consensus through participation | ets high standards for performance | Devekops people for the future

Style in a phrase | "Do What I tell you/" | "Come with Me." | People come first | "What do you think?" | "Do as I do, now." | "Try this."

Underlying emotional intelligence competencies | Drive to achieve, initiative, self-control | Self-confidence, empathy, change catalyst | Empathy building, relationships, communication | Collaboration, team leadership, communication | Conscientiousness, drive to achieve, initiative | Developing others, empathy, self-awarnesss.

Overall impact on climate | Negative | Most strongly positive | Positive | Positive | Positive | Positive

When I train managers, I always tell on myself concerning my own management styles. At one organization, I worked my way up from a tech writer to a commissioned salesman, making only $1,000 plus commission per month with ENVOY. Within a year, I was the number one highest paid salesman in the nation and held that position for three years. It is interesting that management always thinks that because someone is a top producer that they can be a good manager. I did not have any management training at that time and was a terrible people manager. I only knew coercive and my style was all about "Do what I say." I admit that my immediate bosses used the same style. We were like two pees in the same pod. Then, I went back to college to get my first management degree. After about a month, I was in shock. I had no idea that I was doing things so wrong. I changed and adopted EI as my practical guide to managing in the future. EI can be learned. This is one of the reasons I can spot my old self in others and hope they can come to the same realizations that I did. I guess I could say that it takes a jerk to know one.

Management Team Styles

Management teams who understand EI can use the personal style differences of the managers to create a well-balanced and effective organizational performance. Recently, I had the opportunity to watch different managers at one organization "minister" to the employees on a team basis. The top manager moved seamlessly between the styles without even knowing what he was doing. He moved from the coaching style to the affiliative styles with a brief stop at the democratic. He then handed the employees off to his counterparts where they used the same styles but in different orders. It is important to know that in any one day a successful leader can start out with his excellent listening skills from the affiliative style, then solicit opinions with the democratic styles, then end up coaching employees to reach for their personal aspirations. This ability to move between the styles is what makes managers successful. Each of these managers had a different use of the styles that was seamless and effective and incorporated their own personalities.

The hope is that with older employees that some emotional intelligence has been learned just by being "good" people who want to believe in the success of their employees, not treat them like prodigal children. Employees return respect when they are respected as adults. No one wants to be treated as erring children no matter what kind of event is taking place.

Managers are more likely to manage as they have been managed. This means that much can be understood about an organization by simple observations of how managers treat people. The best managers are those leaders who understand EI and carefully choose how they react and lead from one situation to another. Of course, some managers are just nice guys, but good communication is more than being nice and getting it right every once in a while. Managers who are trained about EI or have taken the time to learn how to effectively learn good EI habits are proactive rather than just reactive when working with others. It is true that some leaders are born with natural EI, but the hope is that all leaders can learn best how to use it more effectively.

Flooding

There is a concept called "flooding" when emotional intelligence is not used, and it has a very harmful impact on employee performance. Flooding is really a John Gottman term. Gottman describes "flooding" as those situations caused by a completely careless manager who disregards the employee as a person so much that it triggers extreme contempt. Examples of these attacks would be when managers attack the person and not the problem. It would be where an employee is disrespected, demeaned, ridiculed. Flooding emotionally hijacks the person targeted. It sabotages work performance because it can physically and emotionally destroy an employee's self-esteem and ability to work at their best. "When flooded, a person can neither hear what is said without distortion, nor respond with clarity; thinking becomes muddled and the most ready responses are primitive ones—anything that will end the encounter quickly. As a result, people will often tune out the other person by putting either an emotional or physical distance between them (Goleman). Sounds like a form of bullying again, doesn't it?

Resonance and Dissonance

One of the best examples of using EI in communication is to ask the question whether actions produce an environment of resonance or dissonance. Resonance can be referred to as communication methods that create harmony among employees while the opposite would be true of dissonance. When words like toxic come up in the Goleman discussions, then dissonant communication is a disruptive and negative force that damages positive organizational culture rather than encouraging it.

Part III

Gender Differences

in Communication

Tw

The increased awareness of gender differences increases your flexibility to adapt your instinctive style of relating to a more

appropriate style (Gray, 2002, p. 5).

o of the most important writers on gender differences are John Gray, Ph.D. in his _Mars and Venus in the Workplace_ , and Deborah Tannen in her _He Said, She Said_ series. Both of these writers and speakers deliver similar thoughts that validate the differences of the species as if both men and women are from different planets. The difficulty with managers will always be those who have only one style and don't change or accommodate employee differences as they communicate. The misunderstandings that result can be fairly disastrous, and that is why I always taught about these issues in my college management classes. Therefore, if a manager wants to become a better communicator, then it would be a good idea to learn to be what Gray calls a switch hitter to gain an advantage for better communication with either species. It is like Gray stated, "Successful people have the ability to express different parts of who they are at different times according to what is most appropriate to meet their ends" (2002, p. 4).

Gray felt that appropriate action took intuition, tack, flexibility, and wisdom, which makes sense even looking at emotional intelligence. Much of this wisdom is respecting gender differences as understanding that all of us different—special—unique. One of the best quotes from Gray is as follows:

Nowhere in the workplace do our differences show up more dramatically than in the area of communication. Not only are men and women from different planets, speaking different languages, but they don't realize it; they think they are speaking the same language. Although the words are the same, the meaning can be completely different. The same expression can easily have a different connotation or emotional emphasis. Misinterpretation is so common and consistent that eventually we develop limited perspectives of each other (2002).

Using Gender Techniques

How can a manager use understanding these differences to their benefit? I have another personal story to share. At a training development company where I worked, I was asked to come to a meeting to listen to a speaker. As I met the main speaker, I thin-sliced her attitude towards me as almost hostile. I didn't understand the emotions, but I knew enough about communication to want to change that. I went and sat near her at the conference table as everyone else became seated. As she began speaking, I focused my eyes on hers. I had recently reviewed Deborah Tannen's film about _He Said She Said_ where Tannen spoke how women connected to eye contact. I also used a very positive body posture leaning towards her with his hands open on the table slightly palm up. After about 15 minutes, she was only talking to me because I was the only person looking directly at her. As she talked, her voice became elevated several times, and I wrote down what she mentioned when this happened. I would nod my head as she talked and give her supportive looks of interest—no one else was. At the end of the meeting when no one else had anything to ask or say, I said, "You know, I heard you mention, xxxx, xxx several times. You seem to be very passionate about that. Can you tell us more?"

That was all she needed, and she went into another 20 minutes of detailed explanation of why it was important. I ended up making a friend for life because I was using some very important techniques of communication.

Gender Communication

Some of the most misunderstood communication difficulties in an organization can come from poor gender communication. Gray mentions how _troubles talk_ from women works the same at home as it does at work. Many times, women are not asking for men to solve their troubles, but they just want men to shut up and listen (p. 64). Consider the impact of a manager who understands this simple idea. Instead of a manager trying to solve a troubled employee, he or she might just become a better listener. This may be very helpful in dealing with workplace conflict. _Orientation to Learning_ sums up workplace conflict with categories such as avoidance, competition, compromise, accommodation, and collaboration as different styles (Bethel, 2008, p. 156). But, before any of the styles can be used, listening is the first step towards resolving issues. At home, the same does apply. Several times, my wife used the same listening techniques with me. When I came home and began to talk, she turned down the TV and looked directly at me and listened. In turn, I may not do the same by looking directly at her, but she knows from discussing these things with her me that men do not normally look into the eyes of women when chatting but really are listening. She also knows that I understand _troubles talk_ mentioned from Gray, and I listen without offering solutions unless specifically asked. Men don't have to try to fix the problems and shouldn't. I would always try to look her in the eyes and nod, then use words like, "Oh, no. That's terrible. How did that make you feel? I'm sorry that happened."

Imagine what a difference these simple concepts might have at work. A female boss does not think that a male employee is listening, but he really is. A man may understand that women need to have eye contact; therefore, he gives them exactly that. Deborah Tannen stated, "Women tend to look right at each other when they talk, and they expect people to look right at them as well. Men who won't look at them make them nervous. They think they're not being listened to." Betsy Wiesendanger stated in her article _A Conversation on conversation with Deborah Tannen_ , "By understanding bosses, subordinates, and customers in terms of their personal style, people stand a much better chance of getting what they want." Gray also mentions, as well as Deborah Tannen, the concepts of "status." Men are about status as women are about _connection_. According to Gray, this is one of the reasons men do not like taking direct orders from women but delays their direct responses to a direct order. If that is the case, then when a man is ordered to take out the trash by his wife, he delays it until it is his decision to do so while in an organization a man may do the same to his harm (Gray, p. 37). What if a female boss is smart enough to do more asking than ordering? My wife has seen the same activity on at home on Wednesday mornings—trash day. There it is—smart communication based on a deeper understanding of what makes each of us tick. Add to the gender information just discussed the whole idea of emotional intelligence in a changing organization might make our brains explode.

The Knight and the Dragon

It was interesting one day when I felt like something was desperately wrong with an interaction with a female employee. She kept ordering me to do things as only a peer. As I felt my blood pressure rise, I finally realized what was happening. I spoke to the young lady, "You really need to read _Men Are From Mars: Women Are From Venus_." She never understood, but I did, and that was the most important part of his observation.

Have any men ever been in a car with the wife or lady friend to have them say, "Don't park there; park over there." All of a sudden, you would rather do anything but park where they suggested. Gray talks about how the knight would slay the dragon, receive the applaud from the crowds, win the damsels love, then go out to slay another one. Just before he leaves with his sword in hand, the damsel comments, "This time use a lance instead of the sword, will you?" As a reminder, men are status and women are about connections. There is no equal status with being told to use the sword next time or another parking space. A man delays doing something when ordered by a woman to do so. He wants it to be his decision—the secret of putting out the trash is clearer now too, right? This has real dynamics at work. Employees do what they are supposed to do, but what would happen if a female boss learned to ask for things to be done rather than order them to be done? What if a male boss could realize that a female boss or peer is just acting like she is from Venus, and he needs to get over it. After all, different species talk differently, don't they?

Part IV

The Listening Tool

Everything has a reciprocal; everything has an opposite; every thesis has an anti-thesis; for every organization with good communication habits, there are those do not. Avoiding poor communication habits may impact the bottom-line in a variety of different ways. There is a direct and indirect value to good organizational communication. Good listening habits can impact growth and improve the value of an organization while other types of positive communication can help keep good people. Authentic listening is one of those positive communication tools.

Authentic Listening

Authentic listening is listening with heart and soul—paying attention to what people say—effective listening—active listening. Employees should not have to say, "I am going to listen to you with heart and soul." Someone once said that when listening, we do not act like a magician and say, "I'm going to pull the rabbit out the hat"; we just pull the rabbit out of the hat. No, we should just do it, and those we listen to know if it is with heart and soul or not. Corey and Schneider discuss how we should always make full eye contact as we listen—whether man or woman (Stewart, 1999). Effective listening takes concentration and for many employees that just is too difficult. When we practice listening the right way, others notice, and it works. There are good listening practices that any person can use.

Good Listening Habits

There are good habits that can be developed to help employees listen better. Berko, Wolvin, & Wolvin mentioned the following good listening ideas:

  * "Ask for examples: 'Please give me an example so I'll have a better idea of what you mean.'

  * As for illustrations: 'Could you illustrate that point to show me how it works?'

  * As for statistics: 'What's the date on that information? Can you get more data on that?'

  * As for authorities: 'Who said that? Do the experts you cite agree on this? Do these experts have other positions on this subject?'

  * As for explanations: 'What are some of the specific problems you're having? Can you give me more details? Please explain how it works?'" (Berko, Wolvin, & Wolvin, 2004, p. 111).

In addition, there are several more tips that can be offered from an assortment of sources and from common sense:

  * Take your time and be patient. True listening takes your undivided attention.

  * Watch your posture. Do not send poor listening signals with your own sloppy posture that really says you do not care what they say.

  * Try to find places of privacy and places that do not have distractions from your listening (Berko, Wolvin, & Wolvin, 2004).

An important major tip for listeners is the ability to paraphrase.

Paraphrasing Is a Major Tip

If any one tip could be the best, it would be to practice paraphrasing what you hear so that you can repeat it back. This is one of the reasons such phrases as "slowing down" and "answering carefully" are important. Effective listeners can give themselves extra time to sort through the major points so they can very articulately repeat them back. If a listener knows that they are going to have to paraphrase important items, then there is a different type of concentration going on. This is one of the reasons that an effective listener can honestly say to someone, "Wait a minute if you do not mind? I'm thinking about what you just said, and I'd like to review with you several of your major concerns." Just remember that active listening is an art that requires complete collaboration that is almost like a communication partnership. According to Mckay, Davis, and Fanning in their essay, _Listening,_ they discuss paraphrasing in this way:

  * "Paraphrasing stops escalating anger and cools down crisis.

  * Paraphrasing stops miscommunication. False assumptions, errors, and misinterpretations are corrected on the spot.

  * Paraphrasing helps you remember what was said.

  * When you paraphrase, you'll find it much harder to compare, judge, rehearse, spar, advise, derail, dream, and so on. In fact, paraphrasing is the antidote to most listening blocks" (Stewart, 1999, p. 207).

It may seem easy to learn some of these tips, but effective listening is not that easy.

Listening Is Not Easy

The amount of attention it takes to be a good listener is nothing to sneeze at; effective listening is difficult. Carol Roach and Nancy Wyatt wrote an essay on _Listening and the Rhetorical Process_ where they discussed several misconceptions concerning listening:

  * "Listening is natural;

  * Listening is passive;

  * I'm a good listener when I try" (Stewart, p. 196).

As they uncovered the truth about these misconceptions, it can be summarized that listening is not natural, and it can be difficult to stop thinking about something else, and the distractions become severe obstacles to what we are hearing. The point they made is that we do not need to train ourselves to hear well, but we need to train ourselves to listen well. The second misconception is that listening is passive, which is completely untrue. They point out how busy our minds work when we are listening. Our brains are acting like computers that are processing new information and comparing it to old information while selecting and sorting through the words to better understand the message. Our brains are literally reconstructing the information into our own thought patterns like it was a language translation unit. Sooner or later, we ask some of those "give-me-an-example questions mentioned earlier, then we repeat things back in our language and in our way so we can make sure we got the translation correct. The final misconception is that we really believe we are good listeners when we try to be. Unfortunately, according to Roach and Wyatt most people only remember about 25% of what they listen to (Stewart). Carol Rogers even mentions his disappointment with his own listening skills when he stated, "But what I really dislike in myself is not being able to hear the other person because I am so sure in advance of what he is about to say that I don't listen. It is only afterward that I realize that I have heard what I have already decided he is saying; I have failed really to listen" (Stewart, p. 568). Failing to listen can hurt relationships as much as effective listening can improve them. Effective listening can also have a bottom-line impact on employee retention as well as employee attitudes; therefore, practicing effective listening can be essential for building positive relationships with employees.

Building Relationships

Keeping good employees can be about building positive relationships. One of the best ways to start building those relationships is to listen—hear what employees really are saying. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that people want to be heard. Employees want to work in an environment that is rewarding and where respect is given. Listening to employees is one of the best ways to demonstrate that respect. Try not listening to employees, then get that feedback: "They don't care about me. They don't respect what I have to say." Messmer talked about taking steps so employees feel good about working with the organization, which means learning to listen to them. One of the major premises of an essay written by Mckay, Davis, and Fanning is that people do feel more deeply appreciated when they are heard (Stewart). The cost of learning to become an effective listener is not without effort.

Listen to Those People

Max Messmer stated in his article _The Keys to Employee Retention_ , "Listen to your staff. Effective communication goes beyond the spoken word. Experienced managers actually spend a greater amount of their time listening because they know that employees whose concerns and opinions are acknowledged are more likely to perform at their best" (Messmer, 2009, p. 20). An interesting attitude is suggested by Gareth Taylor, Associate Dean of the Business School at Mississippi State University, "You almost have to view employees as you do customers" (Gooley, 2001, p. 57). Would we not listen to a customer; then, we should be listening to employees with the same intensity. Even the process-driven Six Sigma that analyzes efficiencies starts with the customers and works backward. Employees deserve just as much positive and caring attention. Management needs to realize that employees are not just knowledge, skills, and abilities (KSAs). What could be the cost from poor listening?

The Cost of Poor Listening

What is the cost of not practicing active listening? How many times do employees have to redo and rework tasks and projects because of not practicing active listening? Figure that one mistake per week while using 15 minutes to redo each mistake, then compound that by the month, then by the year. How much did that cost the company? What if that mistake caused an organization to lose a customer? What if the customer that was lost, then convinced several others not to do business with your organization? Mistakes have a money cost and Berko, Wolvin, & Wolvin stated, "A $10 listening mistake made by each of the 100 million by each of the 100 million U.S. workers would add up to a cost of a billion dollars" (Berko, Wolvin, & Wolvin, 2004, p. 106). In addition, they mentioned that federal investigators observed that poor listening is as much a fault as mechanical problems in airline crashes" (Berko, Wolvin, & Wolvin).

If management doesn't listen to employees, then there is a cost to losing good employees. According to the Department of Labor, it cost a company one-third of a new hire's annual salary to replace him or her (Michaud, 2000). If one can count on his fingers, use a simple calculator, or even the first row of an abacus; it is too obvious what possible direct costs are for bringing on a new employee. Consider the advertising expenses, sign-on bonuses, and head-hunter fees while the indirect costs might include management's time in the recruitment and selection process. Of course, there is the cost of down time because new employees just do not have the expertise or know the job well enough at first (Michaud, 2000). Gooley stated, "The cost of losing a mid-level manager as 1.5 times that person's annual salary and benefits; for top executives, he says, that number may reach a factor of three to five times the annual compensation" (Gooley, 2001, p. 57). The economy is on a downturn and employees are tenaciously holding on to their jobs whether they are listen to or not, but sooner or later the economy will perk up. When it does, there will be a lot of people looking for new jobs where managers did not take the time to listen. Good people move on leaving those who are not so good running things or running down things.

Changing the Financial Formulas

Smart organizations are starting to realize that financial formulas like ROI and ROE are not the only returns that make for a profitable organization. As managers, consider the value of employees, new measures may be Return on Knowledge (ROK) or Return on Good Behavior (ROGB); then looking at managers, the measure could be Return on Good Listening (ROGL). Liz Simpson talks about the difficulty of measuring organizational success with ROK because there just is not a way of pointing to key metrics to prove how positive workplaces encourage bottom-line results. How can any organization measure that? (Simpson, 2002). Soft skills are many times ditched for hard KSAs. Still, Rebecca Ray stated, "One way in which we address cultural issues like integrity or interpersonal skills such as being an effective _listener_ is to not treat them as stand-alone factors but as part of a cluster of skills that helps a person be more effective in a sales or customer service situations" (Simpson, 2002). Another change is taking place in the world of accounting—managerial accounting. This is just another way that organizations stop looking at the P & L for the stockholders and look at departments and customers; and as they do, they are also looking at how to improve efficiencies and employee behaviors, not just the KSA's. Questions are being asked, "What do managers have to do to improve how we get things done working with our current employees?" Sounds like a ROGB and ROGL scenarios. Human resources wants to re-engineer the way organizations talk about organizational success by building bridges to employees and creating better work environments. They believe that interpersonal skills that include better listening can help.

Effective listeners build bridges, not walls. Effective listeners use deliberate listening techniques and skills to determine the real meaning and importance of the message or messages being sent. Organizations need listening managers to teach employees to become listening employees. This partnership reduces mistakes, keeps good people, and produces highly productive organizations. Listening brings greater success and greater efficiencies.

Part V

Communicating in Conflict

The real difficulty in communicating in conflict are the attitudes that believe that all conflict is wrong. Conflict can be a symptom of other problems some real and some not so real, but conflict can also be a natural and real part of expression that needs to be heard. We need to think about conflict theory as three categories: the traditional view, the human relations view, and the interactionist view.

The Traditional View

The traditional view is really conflict avoidance. The traditionalist view believes according to the _Human Behavior in Organizations_ , "Since all conflict is to be avoided, we need merely direct out attention to the causes of conflict and correct these malfunctionings in order to improve group and organizational performance" (Robbins, 2003, p. 221). This view poses as a very difficult problem for organizations. This approach avoids valid and real difficulties that may need to be addressed. This is all part of emotional honesty and letting employees be real to their true selves. Strong feelings, potent feelings, can be powerful catalyst for change (Cooper & Sawaf, 1996). These feelings though pegged as conflict can help organizations to take good, clear looks at problems and what needs to be done.

Recently, in a morning meeting, the manager congratulated the group for the positive change on the sales floor. He reminded us that we need to get rid of all our negative talk. As he asked each of us if we had any feedback, he came to me.

I said, "Where is my tie order?"

Immediately, another salesperson said, "That's negative!"

Where is the emotional honesty? We must be able to ask questions and let the honesty of those questions be addressed. Smothering and denying conflict is no way to encourage organizational growth.

Emotional honesty comes with courage that may seem negative; but without this courage, changes cannot be made when needed. Emotional honesty supports criticism, conflict, and even anger. Employees need to believe that they are not going to get crucified if they come up with criticism. According _Executive EQ,_ "The story of Galileo: Galileo, the Italian astronomer and physicist, who was summoned to Rome during the Inquisition in 1632, where his work was examined and pronounced as heresy. He was threatened with torture and imprisonment for the remainder of this life. Having risen from his knees after a renunciation of his principles, he was heard to mutter, 'Eppur si muove' ('But they still move'). Galileo was making the point that, whether denied or ignored, what we feel as the truth still moves us from within; it does not go away" (Cooper and Sawaf, 1996, p. 12).

For some time, the location where I worked had employees working 10 to 14 hours a day for weeks on end. The grind was unbelievable. Managers, pay attention to the type of communication you have with employees when you have job requirements that demand much while still pushing the physical limits of employees. Don't have the same expectations when employees are being stretched too far. You may not be able to see any differences, but there will be differences. The whole idea of conflict might blow up in your face if your employees are exhausted.

One of the greatest books that I believe that has ever been written is the book written by F. B. Meyer, _The Shepherd Psalm_. Meyer speaks about the need for our rest in this manner:

We all need rest. There must be pauses and parentheses in all our lives. The hand cannot ever be plying its toils. The brain cannot always be elaborating trains of thought. The faculties and senses cannot always be on the strain. To work without rest is like over-winding a watch; the mainspring snaps and the machinery stands still. There must be a pause frequently interposed in life's busy rush wherein we can recuperate exhausted nerves and lowered vitality. There is more permanence than many think in the commandment which bids us rest one day in seven (1889, p. 41).

The other element about fatigue may be the lack of conflict. Who has time and energy to dispute anything if they are mentally and physically exhausted. Cooper and Sawaf quote Lombardi:

The greatest difficulty with fatigue is as Vince Lombardi stated, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all". According to Martin Moore-Ede, M.D., Ph.D., professor of physiology at Harvard Medical School: Fatigued people make errors, which create an enormous detrimental effect. Fatigued people also work more slowly and less effectively. The do things the long and routine way, and fail to see efficient shortcuts...Without alertness, there can be no attentiveness, and without attentiveness no performance. All the selection, training, and motivation in

the world does no good unless the human brain is alert and attentive

Other Conflict Views

While the traditional view avoids conflict, then the human relations view speaks about it as being a natural occurrence in all groups and organizations. Since conflict is inevitable, conflict should be embraced and accepted. The interactionist view takes the extra step that encourages conflict on the grounds that a harmonious, peaceful, tranquil, and cooperative group is prone to becoming static apathetic, and nonresponsive to needs for change and innovation. There is some reason in the interactionist approach that does not say that all conflict is good or bad or inappropriate, but says that it "depends." Some conflict is just plain silly, and managers need to leave themselves open to the positive side of all conflict.

Successful managers, leaders, and communicators need be more excellent at handling conflict, which includes understanding people and what pushes their conflict. This means using authentic and effective words with authentic and effective listening, then finally the ability to manage conflict. Leadership, no matter what one may think is a balance between the head and the heart, the intellect and emotions. Nothing can be quite as emotional as conflict.

Conflicting purposes and personalities are inevitable in dealing with people, and they are part of the normal functioning of a healthy group. Without knowledge and skill in managing conflict, managers and employees fail to achieve their full potential

Types of Conflict

There are several different types of conflict within any organization:

functional conflict, dysfunctional conflict, task conflict, relational conflict, and process conflict. If an organization is prone to working in teams and groups, then functional conflict may be seen as employees work through the objectives to improve work performance. This kind of conflict produces a higher level of performance because everyone agrees to what on the required objectives and outcomes. Dysfunctional conflict is something that absolutely hinders group performance. No one can agree on anything and everyone goes out to do their own thing without any regard for organizational and group objectives and outcomes. Task conflict is part of any manager-employee relationship. As a manager, you might say to an employee, "I want sales!", then at the same time give employees five additional tasks that do not resemble sales at all. Which does the employee do and in what are the priorities? Both! What? As a manager, you need to be able to clearly explain what matters most and give employees if given the choice which ones come first. If not, the management communication comes off as confusing and misleading. The expected results cannot be tracked; and in the end, the results are all over the place. Managers have to be able to articulate exactly what they want done and what the importance of those outcomes are: one-by-one, step-by- step. The result of a manager who is not able to articulate their expectations leads to the final conflict, which is process conflict. This type of conflict is about how works gets done. The managers are orchestrating the goals and objectives for the employees in a way that can build consensus and employee buy in; if not, then process conflict. If at all possible, it might be a good idea for managers to learn how to use learning rubrics to gauge the success of employees like teachers gauge student learning progress. The hardest things for some manager to deal with are the emotions associated with conflict.

Conflict Emotions

Unfortunately, in addition to the passion associated with conflict, there is a great possibility that emotion can override basic common sense, which leaves interpersonal interactions more difficult and dicey. Anger occurs when individuals experience humiliation, receives verbal abuse, are ignored when trying to engage in contributions or disagreement, or encounter a host of other emotion-producing interactions (Shockley-Zalaback, 2002). We choose how we respond to conflict. Some types of responses can be silence, stress, aggression, or a determined calm and empathetic demure. Anger and defensiveness can never be positive responses to conflict situations. Jack Gibb stated (1982) that, "Increases in defensive behavior were correlated positively with losses in efficiency in communication. Specifically, distortions became greater when defensive states existed in groups" (Shockley-Z, 2002, p. 340). The reciprocal of defensive groups is supportive groups where conflict can be handled in such ways where conflict can be productively used. These kinds of responses only increase the difficulty and make it worse. Just remember that it is not your job to take-it-personally no matter what the other person says or does. Their job many times is to pull you into their anger-centered world by sparking your fuse. Don't let them. Don't let others call your shots. You control the situation by determining not to dance their dance. You control the conflict by your own actions. It might surprise you how easily conflict situations are eased by your calm and empathy.

Rule of No Harm

Next, you must be aware with angry customer of the rule of "no harm." If you deem that the vulgarity and the anger is reaching a point where others, customers, students, or etc, are harmed or disturbed or threatened, then you do have a right to pull them aside to remove the toxic element into a place where the poison does not negatively infect and affect others. In a public setting, this means asking them to go outside or in a private setting to discuss. Sometimes, yes, it may mean asking them to leave with your finger on the little red button under the counter. You know, the emergency button. Most of the time, this need not be, just remember for the sake of others be able to find less public places to continue dialogue.

Privacy and Conflict

Since "pulling aside" has been brought up, a comment on this technique is important. If an employee-to-employee or manager-to-manager makes a habit of not privately discussing issues, disagreements, and personal matters as personal, then watch out. Sometimes, different cultures handle conflict in different ways, but this is no excuse for violating the need for privacy. Public scolding, ridicule, and cuffing behind the neck in public are not appropriate or professional.

Understanding Cultural Conversational Styles

Even though not all conversation is conflict centered, conversational styles are an appropriate issue to discuss. The differences of conversational styles are important if we want to better communicate, in or out of conflict. Eric Johnson uses a simple chart to demonstrate how different cultures respond with different types of communication. Here is a little glimpse of those differences:

### "Categories | ### Blacks | ### Hispanic | ### Anglo | ### Am. Indian | ### Asian

---|---|---|---|---|---

Eye contact | Low | Low | High | Medium | High

Assertiveness | Moderate | Low | Low-Mod | Low | Low

Ways to Align | Call for unified expression | Call for silence | Call for silence | Call for silence | Ask for silence

Conversation Style | Direct personal

Truth-issue oriented | Passive containment | Non-confrontive representative compromising peace-oriented | Direct combination issue/truth compromise | Casual-calm

Historical

Use of emotions | As a valid source of expression | To be held back until confront point | To be managed | To be continued as much as possible | To be avoided

Reaction to heated dialogue | As long as talking is going on, it's OK verbal threats rarely serious | Extremes: withdrawal or high response to verbal can lead to pent-up violence | Discomfort: threats taken seriously | Discomfort: avoidance | Discomfort : keeping emotions out

Applying Conversational Styles

As I used to teach, I would notice that certain multi-cultural groups responded differently to eye contact and even joking. Some groups took it personal when I used sarcasm. I have since removed all sarcasm from my classrooms. One student came in one day, and said she went home and cried because I joked and cut-up with her about something I thought was funny. What I thought was being witty, was not, with someone else. When she told her 13-year-old son about what happen, he started laughing. He thought it was hilarious. She realized it was my way of talking and stopped taking it personal. When Deborah Tannen in _He Said She Said_ talks about the way girls and boys interact, she mentioned that boys like to tease while girls like to connect, bond, and share. The teasing is the way boys and men let girls (women) know they like them--pulling pigtails as one example. When we apply differences to conflict and understand some of the cultural differences, we might become more careful by the way we act and the way we have discussions, especially if passionate and emotional issues are being discussed.

Angry Customers

I have had a chance of applying many of these concepts while talking with angry customers who always want to talk to a manager, but I love to sidetrack them and resolve issues myself. I believe my managers appreciate these successful sidetracks. One of the advantages that I have is age. As the oldest employee in this local organization and possibly in the company, I am able to see issues through different lenses. I actually hate conflict and would rather run away from them but have found certain techniques make conflict less adversarial and more like a chess game. What this means is that I observe the moves that customers make and use many of the listening skills to my advantage. I believe that smiling and a genuine intent interest to understand a customer's point of view is an invaluable connection that others notice. Also, I am a great poker player. I have my father's British-cool ability with the true flat-game face when needed. This means to all of us that controlling our emotions gives us an advantage in conflict. It is only an advantage if we keep our feelings under tap, but not if this excludes a real sense of empathy and caring. Empathy is what customers want to sense and feel. Covering up the wrong emotions works, but not when this includes covering up the better emotions.

Principles of Managing Conflict

One of the best descriptions of conflict management comes from a new textbook written by Bethel College under their leadership series:

  * "Recognize that conflict is natural; indeed, nature uses conflict as an agent for change.

  * The issue is not whether we have conflict in life—we will. Everyone has his or her share. How we handle conflict makes the difference.

  * We can view conflict as either a problem or an opportunity. We can dwell on the negative or accentuate the positive.

  * D

"The effective leader knows the conflict is an inevitable fact of human life, that no two people will see eye to eye on every issue all the time, and that what is needed is creative

conflict, not destructive conflict."

ealing with conflict effectively is rarely about who is right or who is wrong; it is more about what different people need and want.
  * An important issue to address is, 'Do all parties want to resolve the conflict, and will all sides try with goodwill to settle their differences?'

  * If people want to resolve the conflict, it helps to reframe the problem. Reframing can be done by having each person see things from the other person's point of view" (Bethel, p. 116).

Misconceptions about Conflict

The following information is from an unknown source as a " _Reflections_ " handout in one of my management masters program courses at Trevecca Nazarene University. The five most common misconceptions are as follows;

  * "Conflict, if left alone, will take care of itself.

  * Confronting an issue or person is always unpleasant.

  * The presence of conflict in an organization is a sign of poor management.

  * Conflict is a sign of low concern for an organization.

  * Anger is always negative and destructive" ( _Reflections_ ).

Misconception 1: Conflict, if left alone, will take care of itself.

That would be wonderful; and after all, we would just need to wait a couple days while things calm down, but these things are probably still there. Sometimes anger has as much to do with rights. For instance, some customers come in and believe they have a right to be angry. It is a form of entitlement. They are entitled to be angry, and their jaws are set tight for a fight. No matter what is said; no matter who says what; they want a fight, and that is all there is. Their fists are up; and if you are in the line of fire, you get it with both barrels. Listening to an angry customer like this might be very therapeutic for them; but more than likely, you will spoil their day if you don't dance with them with your fists up too. Their job is to vent, and yours is to take it. Sorry, guys, sometimes your listening is all you can do because no matter what you say it will not matter anyway. Your paraphrasing of their concerns in the priorities that they give you at least gives you a checklist.

Just make sure you tell them, "Let me assure you that we will do everything we can to help resolve your difficulties. So tell me a little about your concerns."

Just hold on and let them roll. _Reflections_ stated that conflict can have a life of its own and acts like rising dough. Just take it easy. Don't be fast to respond. Take your time. Let them know you are thinking through the circumstances. Hopefully, you can ensure them that your really are on their side and agree with them about their feelings without compromising the facts. You can agree with them that the situation is difficult even though you have not even given them an answer, yet.

"Oh, my, that sounds terrible. No wonder you feel that way. Tell me more." The more they talk, the more they get their "troubles talk" out of the way.

They might just say when they get through venting, "You know, I am so glad we had this talk," and you may have not said a thing.

When I absolutely knew the answer to problem, I might not tell them outright but would try to consider many different ways to resolve the issues, like checking off the yes and no boxes. Sometimes, I knew I just couldn't help when it was all done, but I listened anyway, tried to consider, then spent time showing I cared by trying to at least listen. That is not deceptive because many times the spending time to listen is really what they wanted anyway. They wanted to be cared for. Who knows, you may have been the only person all day who listened. You can't tell what is going on in their lives. It is one of those Socrates Epekias times where you can never tell what happened to them that day—consider the circumstances. Maybe, the dog died; the car broke down; they stubbed their big toe; or their hot water heater broke, and they had to take a cold shower. You can never tell.

I had a customer who came in very upset about a technical problem. She started out the conversation saying, "I just came from the doctor. I have cancer!" She would talk about the technical problem, then repeat that she had cancer over and over again, at least ten times. Normally, the technical problem would have been handled with a little more ease, but the emotions she was having after discovering she had cancer were putting everything into an emotional tail spin. You can never tell what's going on in an individual's life.

So, when you handle the conflict, keep the positive up front. Send them good sound bytes and smiles that help them have a positive expectation that at least makes them feel better while you work through the difficulty.

Misconception #2: Confronting an issue or a person is always unpleasant.

To confront someone is normally a matter of putting issues out for discussion. After all, it is about getting the issues out for everyone to chat about. Notice "chat about," not "argue about," "discuss about," not "fight about." If issues are not discussed, then how can things be changed?

Misconception #3: The presence of conflict in an organization is a sign of poor management.

It might be that the absence of conflict would be a sign of poor management. There has to be conflict in order for issues and growth in an organization to positively evolve unless everyone is a turtle. It might be a good practice for managers to purposely bring up ethical and situational dilemmas in order to stimulate sparky conversations. Goleman would love the statement in _Reflections_ that stated, "A good manager has 'soft set of hands' during conflict."

Misconception # 4: Conflict is a sign of low concern for the organization.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with passion. When people care about issues, there will be differences. Conflict helps bring the issues to the top like cream rising.

Misconception #5: Anger is always negative and destructive

After a squabble with my son one day and the following loud exchange of words, Hunter said, "Dad, I really have not had an opportunity to express myself and how frustrated I am about things, but I feel better now." So, when at the lower stages of conflict, anger can be cathartic, helping the parties more clearly identify the issues and values involved ( _Reflections_ ).

Five Emotional Don'ts During Conflict

1. "Don't get in a power struggle.

2. Don't detach from the conflict.

3. Don't let conflict establish your agenda.

4. Don't awefulize.

5. Don't be fooled by projection" ( _Reflections_ ).

Don't Get in a Power Struggle

According to _Reflections_ , "There is a significant relationship between power and authority. Most sociologists acknowledge the fact that as power increases, authority decreases and vice versa. Your authority increases when you empower others instead of getting into power struggles" ( _Reflections_ , p. 71).

Rules to Follow:

  1. "Don't argue unless you are prepared to waste time. Reason won't work.

  2. Don't engage in a battle unless you are prepared to lose because you already have.

  3. Don't take total responsibility for others' emotions. Share the responsibility."

Don't Detach from the Conflict

Even though I talk about controlling emotions during a conflict, don't distich yourself from the issues. Always show passion and concern for the people and the problem. Concern is one motivation that drives us to find the opportunity in conflict.

Don't Let Conflict Establish Your Agenda

The key to this is to try to obtain perspective and to avoid spending all the time and energy on only one issue. Also, don't let the conflict loop back to repetitive and wasteful time trips. The major tip is to immediately identify urgent issues, especially negative or conflict issues. Zero down on those and don't chase the rabbit around the hole too much.

Don't Awfulize

Just remember"

  * "People are rarely as benevolent as they perceive themselves to be.

  * People are rarely as evil as their opponents perceive them to be.

  * Individuals rarely spend as much time thinking about the issues as believed.

  * The motivations of others are rarely as planned or thought out as presented.

  * Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present" ( _Reflections_ ).

Don't Be Fooled by Projection

Individuals unconsciously project their own flaws and weaknesses onto others. To be effective during conflict, you should notice the generalizations and accusations being made about others, especially comments about someone's motivations. We may understand others, and we may be able to predict their actions accurately, but it is dangerous to believe anyone can read the mind of others.

Appendix A

Differentiation-Diversity Survey

Name of Learner ____________________________

Auditory _____

Visual _____

Kinesthetic _____

Right Brain _____

Left Brain _____

Extrovert _____

Introvert _____

Myers Briggs _____ Perceptive

Myers Briggs _____ Judger

  1. Motivation: Are you a person who likes to get your work completed ahead of time or do you wait till the last minute? Why? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Code: Perceptives are normally procrastinators while judgers get everything completed ahead on time

  2. Introvert-Extrovert: Do you like doing your job by yourself or with a group? Explain ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Code: Here is where you may be able to determine who will good followers and leaders in work team and in class.

  3. Motivation: You have been given a challenge to reach a young teenager to encourage him to finish high school and go to college or encourage a friend to go to college. Explain what you would say to them to do just that? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Code: Perceptives are normally procrastinators while judgers get everything completed ahead on time

  4. Motivation: Do you have someone in your life that set a good example for you with their education? How important was that for you? Explain. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Code: Perceptives are normally procrastinators while judgers get everything completed ahead on time

  5. Extrovert-Introvert: Do you like working by yourself through online education or would you prefer to go to a class? Explain.

Code: Here is where you may be able to determine who will good followers and leaders in work team and in class.

  6. Extrovert-Introvert: I like working in educational groups and teams for homework and educational projects?

Strongly Agree Agree Neutral Disagree Strongly Disagree

Code: Here is where you may be able to determine who will good followers and leaders in work team and in class.

7. Auditory-I believe that open discussion is good, and I have seen a lot of good thoughts and opinions shared in times like this.

Strongly Agree Agree Neutral Disagree Strongly Disagree

Code: Auditory learners will want to learn and communicate from listening to lecture, speeches, and open discussion.

  8. Modalities: Which of the ways would you rather learn?

  1. watching a movie about it

  2. listening to someone explain it

  3. goring by yourself and figuring it out on your own

Code: Realize that visual learners will want to watch a movie, auditory listening.

  8. Modalities: Which would you prefer to read?

    1. a story with a lot of pictures in it and not much reading to do

    2. a story that has a lot of characters talking back and forth

    3. a puzzle book that lets you answer questions and do puzzles

Code: lot of pictures and reading is the visual learner, lots of characters talking back and forth if listen to is auditory, and a puzzle book is kinesthetic or hands on learner.

  8. Modalities: When you aren't sure how to spell a word, which of these are you most likely to do?

  1. write it out to see if it looks right

  2. sound it out

  3. write it out to sense if it feels right

Code: Writing it out is visual, sounding it out is auditory, and writing it out is kinesthetic.

14. Modalities: How would you prefer to study for a test?

  1. read notes and heading in text, including looking at outlines, diagrams, and illustrations

  2. have someone ask you questions, or repeat facts silently to yourself

  3. write things out on index cards and make models or diagrams

Code: Reading notes and text is visual, asking questions and repeating is auditory, and writing things out on index cards and make models is kinesthetic.

15. Modalities: When you see the word "d-o-g," what do you do first?

  1. think of a picture of a particular dog

  2. say the word "dog" to yourself silently

  3. sense the feeling of being with a dog (taking him for a walk, feeding him)

Code: Thinking of a picture is visual, saying the word is auditory, and the sense of the feeling of being with the dog is kinesthetic.

16. Right-Left Brain: When you are at a party, what would you be most likely to remember the next day?

a. the faces of the people there, but not the names

b. the names but not the faces

c. the things you did and said while you were there

Code: Right brain employees will remember faces while left brain employees will remember names. Kinesthetics and right brain will remember things you did and said.

  18. Left-Right, and P-Js: How do you prefer to solve a problem?

  1. make a list, organize the steps, and check them off as they are done

  2. make a few phone calls and talk to friends or experts

  3. make a model of the problem or walk through all the steps in your mind

Code: Making a list is very left brain and very J; making few phone calls and talking to friends etc is very right brain, and P, making a model of the problem is very kinesthetic, ;left, and J.

  18. Modalities: Which are you most likely to do while standing in a long line waiting to see your doctor?

  1. look at the posters, pictures, and other graphic materials around you

  2. talk to the person next to you

Code: Looking at posters, pictures, etc is kinesthetic while talking to a person next to you is auditory.

  18. Modalities: You have entered a science museum. What will you do first?

  1. look around and find a map showing the locations of the various exhibits

  2. talk to a museum guide and ask about the exhibits

  3. go into the first exhibit that looks interesting, and read directions later.

Code: Looking around and finding a map is visual while talking to a museum guide is auditory, or looking at the exhibit and reading directions later is very kinesthetic, right brain, and P.

  18. Modalities: How would you rather tell a story?

  1. write it

  2. tell it out loud

  3. act it out

Code: Write it is visual, tell it out loud is auditory, and act it out is kinesthetic.

Motivation: Open-Ended

Tell us about a learning experience where you learned the best. Why do you think you learned so well and what made it great for you?

28. Extrovert-Introvert: Does interacting with strangers

  1. energize you

  2. tax your reserves

Code: Extroverts are energized by being around people while they would be taxed such if introverts.

29. Extrovert-Introvert: Do you think or yourself as

  1. outgoing

  2. private

Code: Extroverts are known for being outgoing while introverts are known for being private.

30. Myers Briggs: J-P Which is more true of you?

  1. I am tense about getting things right

  2. I am relaxed and let things happen

Code: J's seem to be tense about getting things right and Ps seem to be relaxed and let things happen.

33. Modalities: Which way of learning do you like best?

  1. books and lectures

  2. workshops and field trips

Code: Visual-auditory learners like books and lectures but kinesthetics like workshops and field trips.

34. Left Brain-Right Brain: Which of these two subjects do you like more?

  1. Math

  2. Art

Code: Left brainers are inclined to math and right brainers to art.

35. Left Brain-Right Brain: Which of these two games do you prefer?

  1. Scrabble

  2. Checkers

Code: Left brainers will love the checkers like right brainers like scrabble.

36. Left Brain-Right Brain: How do you usually buy something?

  1. I think about it value and how I will use it

  2. I just buy it

Code: Left brainers will think about the value etc. and right brainers will just buy it.

37. Left Brain-Right Brain: When you buy something, do you make sure to get the correct change back?

  1. yes, I count it

  2. no

Code: Left brainers will count it and right brainers will not.

38. Left Brain-Right Brain: How do you figure things out?

  1. a piece at a time, then put it all together

  2. the answer comes to me all at once, like a light going on

Code: Left brainers process information in pieces, parts, steps, then put it all together while the right brainer with not thought planning.

40. Left Brain-Right Brain: How often do you have a hunch?

a. never or almost never

b. often

Code: Left brainers almost never have hunches while right brainers often do.

41. Left Brain-Right Brain: Which would you rather do?

  1. read

  2. watch TV

Code: Left brainers will love to read while right brainers love to watch T.V.

42. Left Brain-Right Brain: How are you at putting your feelings into words?

  1. very good

  2. it is hard for me

Code Putting feelings into words will be easy for right brainers but difficult for left brainers.

43. Left Brain-Right Brain: If you practice an instrument or a sport, how do you do it?

  1. the same time each day, for a certain amount of time

  2. when I feel like it and have the time

Code: Left brainers need to have the structure of the same time each day, etc. while right brainers just do it when they feel like it.

46. Left Brain-Right Brain: How do you feel about psychic claims—that there is such a thing as ESP, for example?

  1. they are foolish and nonscientific

  2. science can't explain everything; they are worth looking into

Code: Right brainers will feel that science can't explain everything while left brainers feel such things are foolish.

Appendix B

  *

Appendix C

Module I

Emotional Intelligence

Unit Framework

Stage 1—Desired Results

---

Established Goals: To develop a keen awareness of the positive and negative impact of communication based on the needs of the employees we communicate with.

Understanding(s):

1. Managers can use different communication techniques based on the situations and specific, personal needs of the employees.

 | Essential Questions(s)

  1. What kind of effect can bad or good communication have on organizational success?

  2. What are the methods of ensuring positive communication with employees?

Students will know: The correct ways to communicate with a large segment of the diverse employee population. | Students will be able to: Evaluate they best way to communicate with a large segment of the diverse employee population.

Stage 2---Assessment Evidence

Likert In First Class

Performance Tasks(s): Observation from peers and their feedback. | Other Evidence: Self evaluation

Stage 3—Learning Plan

Learning Activities:

Use text materials and article review in jigsaw and open discussion modes to learn from each other different aspects of emotional intelligence. Finish by using scenario building exercises.

Appendix D

Module 1 Likert Survey

Emotional Intelligence

---

Issue | 1

Strongly Disagree | 2

Agree | 3

Neutral | 4

Disagree | 5

Strongly Disagree

It is important to communication that I use the same approach with each employee |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I never have problems communicating with my employees because they always do exactly what I order them to |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I can't tell anything about my employees attitudes from day to day so I don't try. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

Sometimes my employees just get up on the wrong side of the bed & I can't help that. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

My employees trust me to do my best for each of them no matter what the conditions. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

Appendix D (Continued)

I am sensitive to the attitudes, moods, and personalities of my employees and try to find ways to personally address each one. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

---|---|---|---|---|---

Sometimes my employees can't keep up so I just dive in and help them out. After all, no one knows better how to get it done right than me. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I like to get votes on the best way to do things. I let my team give me that feedback. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

Appendix E

Emotional Intelligence Training Schedule

First Morning Session

Daniel Goleman's book _Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence._

Text Sections: (Divide the teams and distribute text assignments appropriately)

P. 5-6 The Primal Dimension

P. 6-7 The Open Loop

P. 8-9 Contagion & Leadership

P. 9-11 People Magnets

P. 10 Laughter & the Open Loop

P. 12-13 How Mood Impacts Results

P. 13-14 Emotional Hijacking

P. 14-15 Good Moods, Good Work

P. 15-18 Quantifying the "Feel" of a Company

P. 16 Getting to Service with a Smile

P. 39 Emotional Intelligence Domains

P. 40-45 Self Awareness

P. 45-48 Self Management

P. 48-50 Social Awareness

P. 51-52 Relationship Management

Article for Teams: (Divide the teams and distribute text assignments appropriately)

_Emotional Intelligence & Army Leadership_ by David S. Abrahams

_The Need for Emotional Intelligence in Leadership_ by Timothy Turner

_Emotional Intelligence at Work: An Interview with Daniel Goleman_ by Lisa Richter

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions- Each Team 1 Open-Ended Questions
Appendix F

Afternoon Session

Daniel Goleman's book _Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence._

Text Sections: (Divide the teams and distribute text assignments appropriately)

P. 54-58 The Visionary Resonates

P. 58-59 What Makes a Visionary

P. 59-60 The Art of One-on-One: The Coaching Style

P. 60-62 The Coach in Action

P. 62-63 What Makes a Coach

P. 63-64 Relationship Builders: The Affiliative Style

P. 65-66 When Being "Nice" Isn't Enough

P. 66-67 Let's Talk It Over: The Democratic Style

P. 67-69 When to Be Democratic

P. 69 What Makes a Democratic Leader?

P. 70-74 Pacesetting: Use Sparingly

P. 74-75 Effective Pacesetting: The Ingredients

Appendix F (Continued)

The Article Review

_Leadership That Gets Results_ by Daniel Goleman (Special Article Needed for Project Later)

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions- Each Team 1 Open-Ended Questions
Appendix G

2nd Day Morning

Daniel Goleman's book _Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence._

Text Sections: (Divide the teams and distribute text assignments appropriately)

P. 75-77 Do It Because I Say So: Leaders by Command

P. 76-77 The Command Action

P. 79-80 What It Takes

P. 80-81 SOB Paradox

P. 82-83 Clearing Away the Smoke

P. 83 Who Wants to Work for a SOB?

P. 83- The Business Impact of Flexible Style

Articles for Review

_Is Your Boss a Bully_? By Kimberly Hamilton

_One Snarls, the Other Doesn't_ by Kerry Sulkowicz

_Tackling Bullies_ by Debbie Carter

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions- Each Team 3 Open-Ended Questions
Appendix H

2nd Day Early Afternoon

_Executive EQ_ by Robert K. Cooper and Ayman Sawaf

Text Sections: (Divide the teams and distribute text assignments appropriately)

P. xxxi Changing Perspectives

P. 21-23 The Energy-Emotion Connection

P. 34-35 Taking Responsibility for Your Emotions

P. 38-40 EQ in Action, "If I took responsibility for....

P. 56-61 EQ in Action: Valuing Emotional Connections and Intuition

The EQ Map Evaluation

The EQ Map Questionnaire

The EQ Map Scoring Grid

The EQ Map Interpretation Guide

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions-Use 3 Open-Ended Questions
Appendix I

Module II

Gender Interactions and Diversities

(Continues and Finishes 2nd Day)

Stage 1—Desired Results

---

Established Goals: To learn the different ways that men and women speak and understand each other in communication.

Understanding(s):

1. To determine how different genders communicate.

 | Essential Questions(s)

1. How do genders differ in communication?

Students will know how to talk to both genders in the most effective communication style | Students will be able use adaptable communication techniques in that will improve morale with better gender communication style.

Stage 2---Assessment Evidence

Start with Likert

Performance Tasks(s): Use peer observations for feedback and evaluation | Other Evidence: Use self evaluation.

Stage 3—Learning Plan

Learning Activities:

Use Deborah Tannen materials and films along with assigned sections of _Mars and Venus in the Workplace_ by John Gray

Appendix J

Module 2

Gender Likert Survey

Gender & Multicultural Communication

---

Issue | 1

Strongly Disagree | 2

Agree | 3

Neutral | 4

Disagree | 5

Strongly Disagree

I use the same communication techniques with both men and women. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I noticed that my women employees seem to talk too much. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I think women whine too much. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I always have advice for my women employees when they come to me. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I don't know why women don't take my advice. I thought that is why they talk to me. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I believe in firm handshakes and direct eye contact with male employees. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I think it is okay for a pat on the shoulder with all my employees when they do well. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I don't care what nationality they are, they will always be treated the same by me. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I always think there is something wrong when an employee is too quiet throughout the day. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

---|---|---|---|---|---

I like being given instruction from a man or women on the way I do things. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I think it is more important to get the tasks done than make friends. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

Appendix L

2nd Day Late Afternoon

Film: _He Said She Said_ by Deborah Tannan

Jigsaw on Film in Group Teams

Book Mars and Venus in the Workplace by John Gray

Text Material to be Reviewed

P. 2-14 Introduction

P. 15-22 Mars and Venus in the Workplace

P. 23-34 Speaking Different Languages

P. 35-52 Sharing Is From Venus, Grumbling Is From Mars

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions-Use 3 Open-Ended Questions
Appendix P

Day 3

Late Afternoon Session

Lecture: 10 minutes only

Film Review: How to Listen Powerfully by Ron Meiss Career Track Publication 160 minutes. Review last 45 minutes, then go to groups for discussion. There will not be text in this part of the training.

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions-Use 3 Open-Ended Questions
Appendix Q

Module IV

Conflict Resolution

Stage 1—Desired Results

---

Established Goals:

Understanding(s):

  1. Managers will learn the basic misconceptions about conflict and how to avoid them.

  2. Managers will learn how to manage the angry customer and reduce conflict.

  3. Managers will understand all the levels of conflict and how to deal with them successfully.

  4. Managers will understand the key elements of arbitration, negotiation, collaboration, and compromise
 | Essential Question(s):

  1. What are the different types of misconception about conflict in the workplace?

  2. What are some practical methods for reducing conflict with angry customers?

  3. What are the levels of conflict and how to reduce bad outcomes from each?

  4. What are the various techniques of using arbitration, negotiations, collaboration, and compromise?

Students will know: How to use different a variety of different techniques to make conflict work for the good of the organization, not the negative | Students will be able to: be able to teach others about how to be better at handling conflict in the workplace.

Stage 2—Learning Plan

Performance Task(s): Observation from peers and their feedback | Other Evidence: Self Evaluation

Stage 3 Learning Plan

Learning Activities

Use article and film reviews in jigsaw and open discussion modes to learn from each other. The use of scenario-based projects allow managers to apply what they have learned to their real-world. Work in teams with presentations.

Appendix R

Module IV

Conflict Likert

Conflict Resolution

---

Issue | 1

Strongly Agree | 2

Agree | 3

Neutral | 4

Disagree | 5

Strongly Disagree

I believe every conflict is bad |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I believe conflict is a sign of poor management |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I believe that when my team gets angry that they are being disrespectful to me. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

I believe we all should get along in peace and harmony all the time. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

When I get into conflict, I want to run away and hide. |   
 |   
 |   
 |   
 |

Appendix S

Day 4

Early Afternoon Session

Lecture: 20 Minutes

The Article Reviews: Distribute these equally to each group except as notes:

When Conflict in the Workplace Escalates to Emotional Abuse by Noal Davenport.

Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader by Craig Rundle

Perspective Taking by Craig Rundle and Tim Flanagan

The Conflict Skilled Organization by Lynn Eisaguirre

The Training of Conflict Resolution Skills in the Workplace by John Ford

Are You Comfront able? By Lynn Eisaguirre

Improving the Workplace: Don't De-Motivate Your Colleagues by Victoria Pynchon

Can We Call a Truce Ten Tips of Negotiating Workplace Conflics by Jeffrey Lewis (each team will have this one to review).

Intergroup Conflict in the Workplace by Tony Belak

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions-Use 3 Open-Ended Questions

Appendix T

Day 4

Late Afternoon Session

Lecture: 10 minutes

Total Team Summaries: What did you learn? Give us examples of your

epiphanies.

Scenario Building Project by Team

Team Presentations

Open Discussions-Use 3 Open-Ended Questions
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The Common Sense of Differentiation: Meeting Specific Learner Needs in

the Regular Classroom Video Series, three tapes (#405138).

