

## Passages of Our Broken Hearts

## Volume 1

## Heal Today. Embrace Tomorrow

## Written By:

## Phillip Singer

Copyright© 2016 by Phillip Singer

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, photography, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written consent and permission of the Author Phillip Singer, along with the publisher.

Blog: www.breakup2breakout.com

Facebook: www.Facebook.com/breakingup2breakingout

Instagram: www.Instagram.com/breakup2breakout

## Table of Contents

**Chapter 1:Introduction**

Chapter 2:How BreakingUp2BreakingOut Began

Chapter 3: Frequently Asked Questions

Cheating

Moving On

Long Distance Relationship

Quick Fix

Chapter 4:My Viewpoint

Chapter 5: Passages I Have Written

Insomnia

Mirror

A Girl's Thoughts

Atmosphere

Breaking

Fade

For No Reason

Unforgiven

Note to Self

Hidden

Alone

The Deep End

I'm Sorry

You Remind Me

I Cried

You Cheated...

Dear Ex....

Denial...

In between...

When...

During Labor..

Revolve

Intimate

Inside

I Got Down on 1 Knee And Said

I Understand

Day 1 after You Broke Up With Me

Let Go

You Know Me All Too Well

What My Tears Are Made Of

Unexpected

I Feel

Lies

Lost

Unable

Memories

The Invisible Trust Wall

Third Wheel

Broken Promise

Looking Ahead

Chapter 6:Followers Passages

# Chapter 1

**Introduction**

Love speaks many languages. Love is the only feeling that has a million different definitions that varies from person to person. It can make people do things they would never dreamed of doing.Love makes you embrace and struggle with different emotions daily. Although,one fact that everyone in the world can agree on, is that once love is broken, life comes to a drastic halt. Everyone struggles at this point where a relationship ends. No one ever thoroughly explains how to make it through this period after a breakup. We all just sit back and try to decide where we went wrong, or what happened to encourage the breakup. Millions of thoughts come across our mind and thousands of questions haunt us day by day. How long were they thinking about leaving me? When did they stop loving me? Did they ever love me or was it all just a lie? I wonder if they were cheating on me as well? Why me? We want to know the exact truth of what happened, and not a lie made up to make us feel more at ease. Sometimes we do not even get a reason of why we were left, they just abandon us. No calls, no text messages, no contact, just disappear without any notification. They may block or reject our calls,unfriend us on social media accounts, or the dagger of changing their relationship status to single online without even breaking up with you first. You may receive a text or hear the words " we have to talk" or " I have something to tell you". Your stomach drops, your heart starts beating quickly, and you start to feel weak. You feel like you know what is coming, but you just can't comprehend how and why now? But what you do know is that what is about to come out their mouth is about to shatter you and may change your life forever. Some of you may say " it's not that bad" and I completely understand where you're coming from. It all depends on what situation the person is in. Some people have been married for years,engaged, have children, or have been through some extenuating circumstances with each other. But no matter what your situation is, you will most likely still feel hurt. Someone has chosen to leave you. They have given up hope on continuing your love and destroying everything the two of you have built in the process. But what do I know? Who am I to tell you how you feel? Well, let's clarify that!

# Chapter 2

**How BreakingUp2BreakingOut Began**

Some of you may know me if you're an avid follower of BreakingUp2BreakingOut on Facebook. For those who do not, here is my personal introduction. My name is Phil, I am a male. Yes it's true. A guy that knows about feelings, as crazy as it sounds.As of today, I am 27 years old, and currently living in the state of New Jersey in the United States. I have been dating since around the 7th grade, which should equate to around 12 years old here in United States. Sounds young right? I'll go ahead and agree with you on that one. I grew up in the time that the internet was just coming to its real beginnings with America Online, also known as A.O.L. I would even talk to girls in chat rooms and through AIM instant messaging.Throughout my life, I would try and talk to girls whenever or wherever I could. Whether at school, events, social gatherings,online, clubs, bars, all throughout my life until current day. So I have heard my fair share of stories from women throughout my years, and have had my fair share of experiences with them also. Some more pleasant than others, but most importantly, all a learning experience.

Over time, you start to piece together all of these facts or implications that you have learned, and bring it into your next relationship. Sometimes this happens without you even noticing. The first time I fell in love was around 19 and had been with my girlfriend around 8 months. I was attached to this girl so disgustingly much I couldn't imagine functioning without her. After around 8 months, my clinginess finally reached her breaking point, and she sent me a text message at around 7:15am that said " I can't do this anymore." I called her, she didn't answer. I texted her,no answer. I drove to her house and knocked on her door,no answer. This was the first time my heart was broken. From there I was in and out of relationships for a few years, with my longest only being two years. Then after having a bad experience of liking a girl who didn't like me as much,she deserted me with no notice and I was completely lost. Lost to the point I google searched " How to meet girls". Since that point, at around 24 years old, I discovered self development material and also relationship material. I found it in books and on YouTube everywhere.I was obsessed with it. I made the decision to implement all this material into my life and into my relationship with women. If you're a woman reading this, you can do the same with men of course also. I noticed a huge improvement in my life and outlook on life in general. I extremely encourage you to look into self development and dive into as much free material online that you can find from many different teachers. So at that time I was single and just being friends with benefits ( yes I know, being naughty) with girls here and there and my close friends knew that I was pretty good with women (in the most non conceited way possible) My guy coworker was talking to me about girls one day at my job and had explained that he hasn't been with a girl in over 3 years. "Been with" here meaning a relationship or even a kiss or more. He started going on about how he still couldn't get over his ex girlfriend which was his last relationship. So I started giving him some advice. Then I started thinking about how when I needed help with women, there was a place for me to go or material to at least look at. It was a shame that this guy doesn't have a place to go, or someone to talk to. I have always been that guy that girls come to for advice when their boyfriend says this or did that. I have always been the guy that girls vent to about their relationships. They tell me how they feel and they ask me for my opinion. So I have always tried to give people my true opinion on their situation and my opinion also as a guy. When I needed advice on girls, people would be there for me also. So it dawned on me when my coworker asked me for advice that day. Once I was done giving him advice when I was talking to him he says " man I should write this down." So I thought the same exact thing. I knew if I could just put my opinion or some advice out there to help a few people, then it would all be worth it. This is how BreakingUp2BreakingOut was born.

I thought about the idea for a few days, and then made a new Facebook business account titled BreakingUp2BreakingOut on July 20th, 2015. I had previous experience promoting a concert event that was held in New Jersey before on Facebook, so I was already familiar with how to promote the page and posts. I created a few posts and received amazing feedback,messages, and comments. I have been messaged from people seeking advice daily. If it was not for so much engagement and positive feedback from fans of the page, I would have most likely given up. I reached 50,000 followers January 15th, 2016, which is around 6 months time, which to me, was unbelievable. It was unbelievable that I would make posts and so many people would respond " I can relate to this" or " I'm going through the exact same thing" or " You took the words right of my mouth." It makes people realize that their situation is more prevalent than they ever would have thought. Which can also make things tricky in following way.

The word unique means so much in regards to love, relationships, and breakups. BreakingUp2BreakingOut is a place where people with broken hearts can come and discuss their problems and issues. They could seek advice from me and fellow followers, who also have had writings on the page which you can also read later. So what is ironic is the fact that in one spectrum, I go to teach you that your situation is not as unique as you may believe it is. Then on the other spectrum, I have learned that every situation a person has come to me with, is indeed unique. People have asked me a lot of general questions that have such a large spectrum of answers and it is nearly impossible to narrow it down to one specific answer. Some questions asked are as follows:

\- How can I get over my ex?

\- How do I move on?

\- Why do people always cheat on me?

\- I don't love my significant other any longer, what should I do?

\- My significant other has cheated on me, left me, and has tried to come back and say they have changed, should I take them back?

\- I am in a long distance relationship and we never see each other and it gets difficult at times, what should I do?

\- How long will it take me to move forward?

All of these questions will not have the same answer for each person because each person's situation is extremely unique. So what I tend to address in my messages is learning about the person's exact situation and understanding their story. I try to give them the most personal advice for their situation I can from afar. I also try to ask them to follow up with me in the near future to update me on what has changed. Through reading people's situations, I also learn myself and can take valuable lessons from others mistakes and others triumphs. All of our life experiences, including those heard from others, only adds more knowledge and wisdom that we can apply into our future. All these questions and more can be answered by anyone you ask. The answer from the person you ask will most likely be answered within that person's opinion based off what they have been through.Example, ask a person who is divorced about marriage and see what their response is. I am willing to bet that if you ask a happily married couple about marriage you will receive a different response. That's the thing.A lot of people tend to become one sided in these situations and biased with their viewpoints. A great example of this is the controversial topic of abortion. An unbiased person can look at issues from both sides and try to understand where each side is coming from.Then they form their own opinion. So now, I am going to give you my unbiased opinion with pros and cons of some frequently asked questions in the following chapter.

# Chapter 3

Frequently asked BreakUp Questions

My statement before I get into any answers. Like I explained in the last chapter, I am going to give you my unbiased opinion here. With a lot referring back to love is crazy and anything can happen. So, don't forget that there is no one universal answer. Insane things can and have happened.But sometimes those chances are extremely slim. Don't be blind and use it as an excuse. I am not excluding Faith, hope, or beliefs from life, but sometimes we must set them aside, and get real with ourselves.

## Cheating.

My significant other has cheated on me( and in some statements more than once). This statement usually comes loaded with 3 main questions.

1)Should I break up with them or stay and give them another chance?

2)In some of cases,my ex cheated on me before and wants to come back to me now, should I take them back?

3)Why do you think they cheated on me?

First Question.

You are in a relationship, and you catch them cheating. What's your next step? So depending on the type of person you are, usually people will go about this two separate ways. One, they will confront the person immediately and end it angrily on the spot. Or two, they will confront the person, but become emotionally invested into finding out why they were cheated on. They stay together and then try to make their significant other like them, more than the other person they cheated with logically. So the question I get the most is obviously from the people in the second situation. A large percentage of us have been in this situation, including myself, so I speak from experience here also. We find out we have been cheated on, but we still love our partner. Isn't that the most annoying thing ever? Why don't we hate them? Why can't we just leave them? Why am I still so attached when I know that they are lusting or loving someone else? Its simple. We can't just fall right out of love on the spot. A small percent of people can, but unfortunately, that's not us. So, back to the question, should I break up with them or stay with them. Lets look at the pros and cons here first.

**Staying With Them** :

Pros:

\- Staying with that person could potentially lead to an even stronger relationship. Sometimes when couples make it through hard times, and become open and honest about their feelings, they make it through this critical point. This could lead to an even stronger bond than before.

\- You remain taken, and don't have to be single.

\- By remaining taken, you do not have to start over with someone else

\- A larger portion of the time you spent together, you feel will not go to waste

Cons:

\- You must rebuild trust again with your partner

\- You must be able to accept what has happened and move on from it, knowing it could possibly happen again

\- You may experience feelings of revenge, which could lead to some questionable and poor decisions on your part

\- You may experience a feeling of being inadequate for your partner, and become jealous of who they have cheated on you with

\- Lastly, which I feel is the most important con is ANXIETY. Anxiety being a nervousness about what may happen. This feeling is HUGE if the two of you decide to stay together. Trust will take time to rebuild with your partner. But, as this trust is growing slowly, your anxiety is extremely high about what may happen and if they will cheat again. This anxiety will be at its peak in the beginning if you decide to stay together and will cause numerous arguments about extremely small issues that will all lead back to them cheating. Negative thoughts can come from all kinds of directions and will make your relationship toxic. Some examples

\- They don't text or call you back. Who are they texting or talking to then?

\- They are late. Who were they with?

\- They are off work, but you don't see them that day. Who are they spending time with?

\- They are out with their friends at a bar, club, party, or event. Will they cheat on me?

\- Someone leaves comments or likes a little too much on their social media account. Are they cheating on me with this person?

Thoughts like these will destroy your relationship with each other. While I do recommend being cautious, you cannot stop the inevitable if your partner is bound on making it happen. Make sure to take all the pros and cons into consideration, including your own, and make a decision to stay or leave based on what you feel comfortable with. Next question!

Your ex cheated on you and wants to come back.

Should I give them another chance?

Now i will start by saying here that anything is possible. Relationships have made it against all odds many times before. So if you believe that it can work realistically and you have a large plan that you would like to put in place and make it work then go right ahead. My advice although is that you stay away from taking an ex partner back.A few exclusions to that in my opinion although may be where the relationship ended because it had too, not because the both of you wanted to. Something along the lines of an impossible long distance relationship, family not accepting your partner or vice versa, or being away for a few years such as school or military. Those few categories I believe could deserve a second chance. A large percentage of us although do not fall into categories such as those. So let's look into the mindset of what is going on here for us.

You find out your ex is cheating, you look at the cons above, and decide you would not like to stay. The two of you break up and life is amazing a few months later after the weeks of suffering. Then, one day, out of nowhere, your ex sends you a text or calls you or contacts you on social media. The first thought that comes to your head is oh no, why? After months of previously trying to keep this person in your life, begging them to stay with you, they up and left. Now, here they are, begging to come back to you, and asking you for another chance, and you say why now? The old phrase comes to mind of " you never know what you have until it is gone." But, a real partner will recognize what is right in front of them. It shouldn't take you being gone for them to understand who you are and what your worth is.I am sure that you realized what you had when they were with you, and you fought for them. Your ex may have cheated on you and left you for the other person and found out that it wasn't so extravagant as they imagined. Whether it was the person they cheated on you with or multiple other partners. They may have just reached a lonely point in their life or may have actually realized you were more of a treasure then they initially imagined. Its also a possibility that they may have saw you becoming interested in someone else and have responded to it this way in a jealous manner. To me, these seem like all invalid reasons to come back to you. Why would you want to take someone back into your life that has caused so much pain to you anyway. The choice is yours although and depends on how you view it. I would advise against taking an ex back in any form, whether they cheated on you or not, unless it was one of those few categories I discussed earlier. The two of you had a chance and time to make it work, and they chose to leave you. Choosing to leave you should be a good enough reason to start moving on in the first place. This brings us to our next popular question. Why?

Why?

Why do you think I was cheated on?

This is an answer that is hard to find truth in. There is an extreme amount of possibilities and circumstances that go into why you can be cheated on. I will try to list some reasons here below. These answers are only possibilities, not guaranteed to anyone or your specific situation. I am going to be brutally honest with you all here, so get ready to feel sad for a minute if your emotional. We are going to get you through this though do not worry!

\- You did not meet their standards. This could be in one aspect of your life or in many.

-You became overly clingy. When people get way too attached, their partner feels overwhelmed and may become too comfortable with having you wrapped around their fingers. They may suspect that they can get away with anything because they feel no matter what happens, you won't leave them.

-They have lost attraction for you. This happens often. This can also be put as sexual desire. There are two cases here. One being where the two of you are not sexual. If your partner wants to engage in sexual activities often and you deny them, most likely they will find it elsewhere. The other case is often that you and your partner have sex very often and it remains the same routine. The spark is lost and the sexual activities become less involved and also less often.

\- They fall out of love with you. This may happen because you might have not met their initial expectations of who they believed you were. This also could happen if the relationship becomes too routine. The two of you connect less and do not engage with each other as in the past. This is why they always say communication is key.

\- They found someone else. Also known as cheating. This person may exceed in important areas that they feel you lack. Whether it is in their personality or physical appearance.

Those are the main reasons of why you may have been cheated on. All which we can agree on are not acceptable anyway. So let's take a look at the next question!

## Moving On.

How do I move on? It has been so and so amount of days/months/years, and I still can't seem to move forward. How do I get over them or what should I do?

Now this answer has a million different varieties that will vary for each person and I can't stress enough the importance of that. One thing that works for someone, will not always work for everyone. People tend to express their emotions in different ways. Different types of stimulus, activities, hobbies, and thoughts all come into play into this answer. For instance. If you talk to someone who went through a breakup, and they recommend yoga and meditation to you because it helped them, will that truly help you in your situation? Possibly fifty percent will agree, and the other percentage wont. Did you recently go through a breakup? Try asking five different people for advice on how to move on and see if you get the same answer each time or similar.Although, even with the large amount of answers you may get from person to person, I have found that a lot of it comes down to one factor, and that's YOU!

When someone leaves us, we are left feeling unloved. Initially, our mind wants to replace this feeling as quick as possible before it turns into sadness or depression. It's like removing a baby from their mom . The baby doesn't know why the mom left, and wants her back and her attention as soon as possible. So they cry, and fortunately for the baby, that usually works. But for us adults, it doesn't work that way, but anything can happen like i mentioned before. So what I have found is that with this feeling of being unloved, we tend to dive deep into things that we do love. These are small things we may have put aside while we were putting our partner first, because we loved them first usually before ourselves.An artist may draw, a singer may make music, a student may go much deeper into studies. These are all examples of factors that go into bettering ourselves or our situation. Reminding ourselves of what we truly love in life. You may say " well those are just activities to keep me busy and keep my mind off them." And I can't 100% disagree with you there either. But what is better? Sitting home and thinking about getting over someone like it will just magically happen when you wake up one day? Or proactively taking control of your life, with things that you love intertwined with it.Like the saying goes, if you can't love yourself, then how can you expect someone else to love you? Focus on you. Go for what you'd like in life. One phrase I like to say is "there was always the day before you met them." When you're without that person, sometimes you can't envision life without them. Before you met them although, you were living. Now that they are gone, you are also...living. But guess what?

There are billions of other people living on this planet with you who also crave love. So do not try to tell me that you think that no one else on earth is the one for you. Catholics believe in a place called Purgatory. This is a place where sinners go before they can enter heaven. It is a mid point. I believe that there is a breakup purgatory also. This is the place where you are now single, but still attached to your ex, and not wanting to move forward with someone else. This is the point where you're soaking in everything that has happened to a point you feel comfortable moving forward. This is natural and I completely understand and do agree on this phase. Something I don't agree with although is getting stuck in this phase for months and years while shutting off the world. The only exception may be with certain circumstances such as you have children together,married, or the death of your partner. These circumstances can take longer than usual and require some extra attention to the past that a normal circumstance would not. If you are now single with no attachments though, you must be open to new people and new experiences all around, under your own good judgement. I say "own good judgement" because there are the people that will take the advice the wrong way and start diving into meaningless sex, drugs, or alcohol and use it to hide their emotions and pain. That is a guaranteed recipe for disaster and regret that everyone needs to avoid. Lets look at a simple example.

Now this example may be comparing apples to oranges but it's the idea behind it that counts. Let's say you have laptop for around 3 years. You have all your photos, documents, and memories on this laptop. You do not have any backup drive or any information stored from it online. You wake up one day, and it's gone. How it's gone, you can use your own imagination, but bottom line, it's gone. Your extremely upset. You've lost everything on it, and the laptop itself, which is of great importance and need also. Now, how long is it before you start looking for a new laptop? If i said your smartphone instead of laptop you would probably say the next day. But we know there are other laptops out there for us. We might not have ever thought of replacing our old one, and the thought of a new one may take some getting use to and be uncomfortable at first. The idea although, is that you're going to go shopping for a laptop and get a new one. Not to replace your old one, but to start fresh and brand new. Now does this sound familiar? Be proactive about taking action and going out to meet new people. You're not replacing the experiences you had with your ex, you are just creating new ones to remember. So I hope that information can help you on moving on and giving you a new outlook on it. On to the next frequently asked question!

## Long Distance Relationship

I am in a long distance relationship, and it is getting us nowhere, what should I do?

I want to start by clarifying that there are two different types of long distance relationships here that I want to discuss. We will abbreviate long distance relationship "LDR" for short. So the first circumstance being where you are in an LDR with someone you have met and have been with for an extended period of time, meaning more than a few months or so, and then they MUST leave for any reason. This can be them leaving for work, family, school, military,etc.... I won't get into too much specifics on answering the question based on what to do for each situation, but for overall. A lot of people have complicated situations that should be addressed individually which is why I would like to just cover the surface of this topic. This situation is pretty normal in regards to a regular relationship. The only idea that needs to be addressed in this predicament is the time away from each other and the amount of trust the two of you have for eachother. If the two of you support each other, trust each other, and have had no prior issues with cheating on each other, then I can only tell you to stick it out. LDR relationships are difficult no matter what the situation is. Now with the time although, this is where to me it becomes complicated. If your partner is away for over a year and a half and you are aware of it in the beginning, then the two of you may want to put the relationship on pause. Now remember this is only my opinion here,no science. It is possible that the two of you can come to an agreement on how to take a break from each other. You might be able to explore other options while the time period of distance lasts. Then when your partner returns, have the two of you decide whether or not to continue from that point forward. Or, the two of you can just agree to keep loving each other, but have an open relationship, and be with others sexually, rather than emotionally. Now I know this doesn't sound like true love in its finest, and I know you are most likely sitting there saying " If they really love you they will wait for you." I completely get it. Unfortunately, this is a world where everything isn't fair, and temptation is around every corner. If you can be open with each other and honest about your sexual desire for another it may save your relationship as crazy as that sounds. Think about a guy who is with a girl and has to leave for three years. How high of a percentage do you give him on remaining faithful. Most likely less than 50 to 25 percent. Sexual desire is the main reason for cheating. Temptation is always around.People tend to try to fill the gap of what is missing from their lives, especially men. If someone is getting emotional investment from you, but is too far for the physical aspect of the relationship, it could start trouble. There are also circumstances where everything works out just fine and the two of you trust each other and don't cheat and come back and everything's perfect. Just acknowledge that these situations are rare, and if you are in an LDR, just be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster. Let's discuss the second type of LDR next.

The second type of LDR is falling for a person, usually online, with whom you have never met before. Now I am sure all of us have had a crush on someone online that we have never met in person, but sometimes a crush is as far as it should go. Once you take it to the next level of becoming exclusive to each other, a whole new list of issues arise. I have to say I come from experience on this topic slightly. I have met women from many different social platforms. Including Myspace, Facebook, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, Skout, etc. So I personally know what it is like to meet someone offline that you have never met before in person. So with that said, let's get started into how I see this should go if you are in an LDR with someone you have never met before in person. Remember this is coming from my experience and only my opinion. I am going to start this topic by assuming you have your own computer, internet, and a smartphone.

So you meet someone online, the two of you chat and hit it off well, and one thing leads to another, and now you're together. Now one thing I don't recommend is getting in the relationship before the two of you meet in person, but most likely you have already done that. So first issue at hand is verifying that the person is who they say they are. In today's world it is extremely easy to mimic someone else and start an account on any social platform. So I have found three ways that really are fool proof usually. These ways are all to verify the physical aspects of them although, as there is no 100% guaranteed way of knowing the truth about their inner selves.

First, the obvious is having a video chat or call with them directly. This could be on Skype, Google Hangouts, Facetime, etc. This is the best way to verify that they are them, at least physically. This is the best way to substitute physical time with each other and observe your connection through actual one on one interaction.The second option if video chat is not available, is a picture, followed by a phone call. Now this isn't just any picture. You see them in pictures online. So you ask how can they send you a picture to verify its them? It's sort of like fan signs online, but you have control. What you want to do is ask them to get a piece of paper, and write down whatever you tell them too, and take a picture with it in their hand, and their full body. For example, you can tell them to write JJH75FG on a sheet of paper, and have them send you a photo with that written on paper, with it in their hands and full body. Then if that works out, you can always talk and text on the phone. The last option which I wouldn't recommend unless you have serious doubt is asking them to see their i.d. Such as driver license, state i.d., passport, you name it. Whatever form the government believes verifies they are who they are, you could ask for also.It seems a tad bit extreme, so make it your last option. Now let's look at the next issue at hand.

Being realistic with your expectations. When you get into a long distance relationship we tend to enter a dream state of mind. This is a state where a lot of what we do is dream of being together and dream of a life together. We sit back and imagine how amazing life would be if the two of you could be together physically. These dreams are fine for a short amount of time, but when you feel like the relationship is starting to become serious enough, it is time the two of you get serious about it also. The two of you must start cooperating with each other to make the dream a reality. This dream state should only last from around 6 months to year, and even that is pushing it. I do understand a lot depends on the distance and circumstances, but you should take that into account before you jump into the relationship in the first place. Now I am not saying that it could be impossible for anything to happen, just be realistic. For example, if the two of you live in different countries or there is a serious lack of communication between the two of you, then you may want to reconsider. It is possible although to actually make it work, and this is where being realistic comes into play.

Try to meet each other at least four times under two different circumstances. The first time you meet each other could be you going to them, or them coming to you. This meeting is just to verify the two of you exists, are real, and have a great vibe in person that you have had online and on the phone. The second meeting should be the opposite of the first in regards to location. So if you went to visit them, then this time they should visit you. This gives the both of you a chance to see where each one is coming from and their environments they live in.The third and fourth meeting you could possibly meet each other's relatives. Now I know this may sound difficult, but if you really want this to work, then it is sort of necessary. Most long distance relationships are long distance in regards to two factors. Money and change. Most people do not have the money to travel numerous times or vacation days off work. Especially if your significant other lives outside the country, a flight can be drastically high. Also, people are afraid of moving, and changing their lives. This is a huge risk, but if it is what you desire, then go for it. So this next decision is the key one.

So the two of you have now met in each other's area. You have saw and experienced the life around them. You have met each other's relatives hopefully. Now, this is where the big question and decision lies between the both of you. How can this relationship realistically happen? Here is where you will begin to see my reasoning behind the four times the two of you have met. First, the two of you saw each other's area, and living situation. Now one of you can decide who wants to move to the other. Moving to a new area is a scary thought, especially when you have never been there, which is why I recommended visiting each other.Or, the two of you could move to a new area for the both of you. This is a huge responsibility planning wise, and financially, so make sure to invest a lot of time and thought into this decision. Now I know you are probably sitting there like "Phil, it is not that easy to just pick up and move." I get it, and I am not saying it is going to be easy at all. It is an extremely large risk. You will have to risk everything you have and know to do this. But, if it is what you want, then go for it, and make it work. If the two of you can't take this step to be realistically with each other, then maybe it is time to start moving forward with other options. Now, the second point being that you have met each other's relatives. This helps in the fact that you can have support from both sides of the family which is extremely important. Imagine a girl moving to a new country, that can finally be with her boyfriend, only to find out his parents aren't accepting of her. Then the boyfriend will feel pressured from both sides, and if he chooses to please his parents, she will be left alone. Ultimate heartbreak, disappointment, and devastation. That is why I recommended meeting each other's relatives first. So now you understand more clearly on how long distance relationships can work. I am not here to give you advice on how to keep a long distance relationship strong for years and years. You must make it real, be together in person. You must set expectations at the beginning of the relationship and come to a conclusion together that this relationship can and will happen.

## Quick Fix

How can I quickly get over my relationship?

Sometimes in life there is no quick fixes for everything. If heartbreak was so easy to get over immediately, then people would be jumping in and out of relationships all the time. There would not be any regard for a person's feelings towards the end because they know that if it was easy, you could move on in a week. A question I get a lot also is how to ease the pain. It is not so much about easing the pain. It is more about making the decision to move forward.The pain or heartbreak will remain for sometime if it was really love. Some people get out of a relationship and actually feel better then when they were in it. Then they second guess themselves to determine if they were really in love with them or not. It's not my call although to determine that, that would be on your own discretion.The time it takes for the pain to ease will vary for each person. As an easy example, maybe the first week the pain is so bad you cry three times that week. The second week maybe two. The third maybe once. The fourth maybe not at all. What you will find although is that over time it will get better. It is not very often that over time the pain gets worse. Love is infectious. You will still have this love, but your antibiotic to it is going to be your viewpoints and decisions you make based from that point forward. Everyone has a different lifestyle. It also differs with gender, personality, and yes even physical attractiveness of the person. Girls always ask me is it easier for guys to get over a relationship? I cannot speak for all guys, but it is still equally as difficult for us, as it is for women. Us guys just may not express our emotions as much. We may keep those emotions inside to ourselves. Girls just think that guys don't care and try to find another girl to go sleep with and forget all about them. That's not the case although. If you have a genuine guy that you were with, he chose you amongst all the other women. So he must have saw something inside of you that he wanted to invest in. So then the next question is "well why did he leave me then." He may have had other motives from the beginning if it was a very short relationship, around 2-3 months. But for longer ones, peoples mind change, and so does the environment and people around them. Change is inevitable. Just with some it happens to be with your relationship instead of other things. Sometimes it is for the better.If you are going through a breakup now, and want to help ease the pain, change is the perfect way to begin. This change shakes things up and removes you from your comfort zone. You are used to being with your partner during certain times of the day or at certain places. Having that loving company with you all the time made you feel comfortable. Now that the comfort has been removed, it is time for you to show yourself, you are 100 percent comfortable on your own also. You will run into small barriers at times that make you think of them, and this is normal. If the two of you always went to a specific place to eat, and then you go there alone, it is very possible you may think of them. This is completely fine and normal. Over time these new experiences you go through will replace the old ones. As you can see, all these things take time. So again, the quick fix isn't so quick at all. Over time, you will see a great improvement. Time also allows for new opportunities to present itself. Don't stray away from them, take them on.

# Chapter 4

**My Viewpoint.**

Phil, what is your viewpoint on love and breakups?

I have come a long way since my first love. My first love came when I was around 18. I was with an amazing Vietnamese girl named Anne who was perfect in my eyes. She accepted me for me, and her family also accepted me and brought me into their home. Now remember, I am mixed, black and white, and I had never had any relations with an Asian woman before. So that experience was a pure culture shock, and I loved it. Her family embraced me with open arms. Anne introduced me to Vietnamese food, traditions, values, and lifestyle. It was like I dived into a whole different world. So I was all in on this relationship. I even purchased a promise ring for her and we were only together for around five months at the time. I tried to see her around 4-6 days a week. Spend as much time as I possibly could with her. I made sure I was in constant contact with her. I completely smothered her with too much love and affection, and I believe it finally took its toll after around 8 months. I was too clingy for her. I woke up to a text message at around 8am one day from her that said " I can't do this anymore." I replied with "can't do what"? She replied "Us." My heart dropped into my stomach. It started beating quickly,I felt nauseous, and I was in disbelief. I had to call her to make it right. But of course, she didn't answer. I texted her, didn't reply. So like any desperate heartbroken person would have done, I drove to her house. Knocked on the door, no answer. Called and texted her from outside her house. No answer. I told her I was there and I finally got a text from her that said " Please, just go home." I was beyond devastated. I had no idea on even what to do next. I tried to go back in my mind and figure out what I did wrong. What happen? Did I say something? Do something wrong? Should I have done something different? Was she cheating on me? How long had she been feeling this way? How long had she been thinking of leaving me? What point did she finally realize she couldn't take it any longer? What could I do to make this right again? And of course everyone's final question, WHY ME?! It wouldn't be till years and years later that I could finally see what happened in my own opinion. Although, I never actually got a reason from her why we ended. Till this day tho, I promise you it doesn't bother me. It has helped me dig deeper into myself. Ever since her, which is around 9 years ago, I have become in tune to women's feelings and thoughts more than ever before. Paying close attention to make sure that this wouldn't happen again to me. We all know of course, that didn't become true. After Anne, i had another relationship for 2 years, where the girl had cheated on me. I found out, and even took her back. We were together for a few more months, until I finally realized I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

The brain is a funny thing. Once it is primarily focused on something, it always tries to revert back to how you feel about something or someone or some place. So if you have ever been cheated on, you know that from that point forward, your brain is going to find and map out every possible way that if your partner may take 2 hours to respond to a text, as cheating. They go out with their friends, probably cheating. Going to work? Let me go drive by and make sure they're there. It is definitely not worth the forever anxiety everyday. Then, it eventually starts multiple arguments. Then your partner may take on the identity of a cheater, even if they haven't been recently. They may say " Well they already think and accuse me of cheating, so I mine as well do it." So please, I advise you not to take back someone who has cheated on you. The two of you had your time to make it work and it didn't unfortunately. Is there stories where people get back together and live happily ever after? Yes, of course. Is it ideal? Are the odds in your favor or against you? Love is a gamble, never definite, but you're always welcome to take the chance. Its funny to me, most normal people who don't gamble in real life expect to go to a casino and lose their money. But when it is with love, they expect it to last forever. Think about marriage. How many people meet their first love and marry them. Note I said first love, not first relationship. Now think, how many relationships were you in before your first love. How many relationships, trials and tribulations do we have to go through in order to find the supposive "one" for us. Alot! But yet, once again, the "one" is only "one" person. So with all the people in this world, your odds of it working out are maybe 1 in a billion. Yet, when it first starts, we all have this underlying belief it's going to last forever. Its sad to say, but love isn't perfect, it does need practice.This is where things get tricky.

Once you feel you know everything about how to love someone, it can all be wiped away in an instant. Then, if it is, the next person you love, is a whole nother story. People come into a relationship expecting different things. You must relearn how to love again. Just because your ex didn't like to cuddle, doesn't mean your current partner doesn't like it as well. This is why love is so difficult. Or, that's how it seems to most people. It is most beneficial to have a relationship where the two of you compliment each other. A relationship where your self worth is not affected by how your partner perceives you, but where you determine your own self worth. Where you know that your self worth is the same with, or without them in your life. I know that sounds self centered and possibly selfish or cocky, but if you realize it now, it will change you forever. Let's take a look at a small example. If your ex left you, you are apparently not worth their time,effort, commitment, or desire to love any further. Sounds harsh right? Being brutally honest here. So with that said, how does that make you feel? Worthless? Like nothing? Now most likely a few months will go by, and then you will experience someone who makes you feel valuable once again. This feeling excites you and makes you feel wanted again. When in reality, you were valuable all along. Do not wait for someone else to make you feel valuable. You deserve only what you expect, so start to expect more within a comfortable reality.

Do I believe in "the one" or a soulmate? I get this question very often. I am a very scientifical thinker although. So with this question, I would have to answer only with "possibly". Unfortunately, no matter what religion or belief you hold in your life, all of us who are reading this book have one thing in common. We are all going to die. This life that we are living right now, will come to an end. Tomorrow is never promised as we know. There is only a short amount of time that we really have on this earth.Time is a huge factor, along with Human Biology. We all do not get a chance to meet every person that we would like to. So how can we really know who is the one or who isn't? It could only be determined by trial and error. Which is what we do our whole lives, until we finally decide the search is over and find true happiness with someone. We only really start searching for love although from around 18-40 years old. Have you ever thought of what if we had more time? What if women could reproduce perfectly after 50 or 60 years old? Would the search for "the one" or soulmate ever come to an end? We all unfortunately have an expiration date. We have to find someone we can grow with, reproduce with, raise children with, and grow together. All in a span of a few decades. I do believe that yes there may be a perfect person out there for you. But that perfect person is decided by you. Whether you choose them as your soulmate, believe a higher entity put them into your life as destiny, or were arranged to be together. The choice is ultimately yours. In all, my viewpoint of "the one", should not affect your own beliefs although. Because I am not here to change your mind or beliefs, only to express my own opinion since I am asked the question frequently.

So how do I approach a new relationship? First,I definitely do not just jump into a relationship. I try to take my time to feel the other person out. Also, it is much better have options of other people as well. It is ok if your dating around with three to four other people as well. You don't need to be sexual or physical with all of them, but at least get to know them. This way you have options. You're not choosing only from one person. Technically in theory, if your only choice is from a pool of one person, it isn't really your choice at all, it's their choice.They have an advantage over you because they may believe they are your only option at the time. Plus, you want to choose who you'd like to be with. Especially women. I know this can be hard ladies trying to determine what guy wants a relationship and who only wants sexual relations. This is something I can't help you demystify unfortunately. So once you choose your person you have the most interest in, try to spend time with them a few times in person. Sometimes the vibe can be way different in person than through text or phone calls.Once you see you connect in person, and the two of you are attracted to each other as well, the next step becomes reality. Try to realistically and logically determine if the two of you can work out in a real relationship in your eyes. So for example, how far apart do the two of you live from each other? What is your work schedules like? Do you have transportation to each other? Do you both have short and long term goals? Do you have different beliefs that may become a problem in the future?Do you or they have children with another person that may complicate things? Questions such as these need to be realistically answered beforehand on how to make it work. Before you go buy a new smartphone I am sure you spend weeks or months determining which phone you should purchase. Looking at all the specifications. Do that in the beginning of the relationship as well. Sometimes girls jump into a relationship and finds out that the guy she's talking to has hidden that he has two children with two separate women and is currently unemployed. Not saying here that it can't work, but is that your ideal situation you would like to put yourself in?

Now that you have determined that the two of you can make it work, keep tabs on yourself. From the beginning, try to acknowledge who you are coming into the relationship. Your good traits and also your bad traits. Try only to change your bad habits and capitalize on your good. If the two of you are bad at communication, then that will obviously be a problem. If they have a bad habit, and you have the opposite good habit, try to help them improve. It's difficult because sometimes in a relationship you have to step out of your comfort zone and do things you have never done before and also cater to someone else's needs also besides yourself. So I agree it is rough to find a balance between the two. We all have that friend that we saw get into a relationship and completely change who they were. Then they come back later and go " why did you let me do that." You have to make sure you keep track of your life and your own goals first. Be selfish about yourself here. If you're not careful, love will make you lose yourself. You fall into a deep hole of trying to satisfy and be perfect for someone else, meanwhile, going backwards in your own life. This doesn't mean don't support each other, because you must. Finding that balance is key. I have heard this phrase before that has stuck with me for a long time now. It goes along the lines of " Once you place your happiness in someone else's hands, once they leave, so does your happiness." This is extremely true. Make sure your happiness is still coming from within you. Make yourself proud and also your partner. As long as you value yourself extremely high, they will see it as well, and start to know it's also what you deserve.

One of my favorite passages that I have written was called " The Invisible Trust Wall", which you will read later in this book. It has to do with this barrier of trust that a lot of people put up in the beginning of a relationship. To me, I am not too much of a fan of this. I understand that some people have been hurt. Then they use this "hurt" as an excuse to not open up, hold back info about themselves, or use it against the other person. I think that this trust should be gained before the relationship even begins. This trust wall should not be carried over into the relationship in my opinion. If the two of you have decided to be with each other, why start off the relationship basically stating " hey, I don't trust you yet." To me, this makes no sense. Now, I am not saying to go and tell all your deepest,darkest secrets and explain embarrassing moments of your life. Simply, if a situation arises, don't be afraid to speak on it. All the experiences you have been through have shaped who you have become. Now, with using it against them, here's what I mean below.

If you have had problems with a cheating partner in the past, do not carry that over as well. Only raise suspicion when needed, not because of your past. You can use past experiences to help identify situations where cheating may be arising, but dont assume from the beginning. Here I will give you a few examples of some suspicious activity. REMEMBER! These are only EXAMPLES and DO NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT ALL YOUR FACTS!

-You have noticed that in the beginning of the relationship, the person did not have a lock screen on their phone or on certain apps. If the person hasn't recently had their phone stolen or looked through, and all the sudden puts a lock screen or password on their phone, it seems suspicious to me.

\- Also in regards to the phone, they try to keep it away from you as much as possible. There may be times you have picked up their phone and they look nervous, or try to get it back quickly. Usually this means there may be something on there that they would prefer you not to see.

\- Social Media. This is a never ending problem that is only getting worse. There are too many outlets now for people to communicate and cheat on. Just be aware of any comments or messages or profiles out of the norm. Obviously, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter,Snapchat, and Whatsapp are the ones to watch. Screenshots have made it more difficult to get away with these days, but it still happens everyday.

\- "Being cold as of lately". This could be less responsive texts or calls. Less affection. Less sexual relations if this permits to you. "Acting different" as some would say. Now this does not necessarily mean they are cheating, but could possibly be losing interest, which could lead to cheating in the future.

\- All the sudden they start "going out" a lot out of nowhere. Especially be careful when you know the two of you have the same days off work, and they choose to be somewhere else instead of with you, especially if you don't see them very often.

Those are just a few examples, I am sure you can think of many more. But, don't be focused on trying to determine cheating all the time. Like I said, only if your suspicion arises. So try your best at making sure your relationship has a healthy balance of whatever you choose, and remember to not forget who you are. Note here that I don't really speak much at all on how to treat your partner. That will all vary with each person. That is up to you to determine on your own. But, in this book, the most important person,is you.

Breakups

How do I treat a break up these days? Well, to me this is pretty simple. This plagues everyone else although.Have you ever saw your friend go through a breakup? And months before the breakup you saw the pain they went through beforehand. And you couldn't understand why they were even still together in the first place? It is very easy to judge from the outside in. So most likely you were telling them "just leave them", "it's only going to get worse", "I don't know why you won't listen to me", " watch in a few months, it will be over." Then you finally see it break down and you feel that slight sense of victory that you were right, and you can't wait to get your friend back full time. I am sure although, you were that friend before also. I am sure that you have been in relationships for a few months longer after you knew it was really over a few months beforehand. We can almost pinpoint when things start going south. We start to tell ourselves things will change for the better, but rarely are we proactive about this or confrontational. Some of us tend to hide our true feelings in hope our partner will see how what they do makes us feel. What we fail to realize although, is that sometimes they can't see it, or can and just don't care.It's when they don't care any longer that requires you to be confrontational if you would like to try and save the relationship. You must address the problems you have with them, and try to seek change or improvement in the situation. But, even with all that you have tried, they still leave you...so now that?

First. Acknowledge it. If they have left you for no reason at all, try to seek one from them momentarily. If you can't get an answer out of them immediately, then let it be. If they cheated on you, acknowledge it. If it just wasn't meant to be, acknowledge it. Just understand that it is over. Hard to accept, I understand. I completely get it. You just want to run back to them, have an arguement on why it can work or will work or why they were wrong and you were right. There is most likely many unsaid things left on the table. Let it go. It's not that easy you say? I understand that also, but the idea here is the decision to let it go, not letting it go itself. By making the decision to let it go, and acknowledge it, you are already starting to move forward. It is almost like a family trying to get a drug addict to admit they have a drug problem. Once you acknowledge what the situation is, you can reflect on it, and ask yourself " what is the next step?"

There are many different options you can choose at this point. I won't go into all of them in extreme detail because they really all depend on thee exact situation, and it will be hard to cover them all. So for example of that, it is easy for me to say don't see your ex, but then someone tells me they work together. Or, my partner has cheated, but were married and have children. These situations require a bit more attention than I could cover in this book.So lets just cover the surface of where to begin.

So your partner has left you. You have made the decision to acknowledge it and move forward. Now what? First, you have to decide whether or not the two of you will continue to keep in contact with each other. Personally, I recommend cutting off all personal contact immediately unless direly necessary. To me, this means no texting, no calling, and no seeing each other. Now you ask " what about social networks, should I delete them, unfollow them, block them?" I don't believe that is very necessary unless the following conditions occur.

-They start talking bad about you on social media.

-They start taking pictures with other people almost immediately to try and make you jealous.

-They comment on your page or pictures and say ignorant things.

-Seeing their profile or pictures online reminds you of your relationship, and hurts you emotionally.

If any of those conditions occur, I would cut them off from all social media as well.

Next, try to get rid of "reminding materials." We all amass small meaningful items here and there that remind us of a special place or time with our partner. If it is that, or a gift, try to keep it out of sight, out of mind. You want to keep it? That's fine, as long as you have a memory box,stash it inside, and keep it out of sight. Now take note this is with small things. Do not go and trade in your Iphone or move to a new apartment because of the constant reminder. Be reasonable.

Next, places or destinations.In my opinion, you should not avoid any places at first. Some people will avoid a destination such as a food spot or retail store because it reminds them of their ex or they may have a slight chance of coming across each other. In doing this, you are becoming hidden. You need to go about your life however you choose, and go to the places you would like. In trying to avoid your ex, you are letting them run your life somewhat. You are letting them determine where you can and can't go. This is unacceptable. You need to go wherever you please, and when. Be the cause, not the effect. If you happen to run into your ex somewhere, be polite, and DO NOT bring up the past! Only talk about the present.If they mention or bring up the past, just politely say " I don't want to talk about our past." You don't want to cause a scene somewhere and don't want to bring up old and unsettled emotions. So bottom line, make sure you're going to wherever you'd like,whenever you'd like.

So you have acknowledged that your relationship is over. You have decided to take the next step on moving forward. You have decided whether or not you would like to keep in contact with your ex in person or on social media. You have hidden away the objects that remind you of the relationship. You also are able to go wherever you would like. Now, what's left?Time. The infamous "time". The statement "time heals all wounds" is commonly addressed on my page a lot. But does it? Let's take a look.

Time is an interesting concept with breakups. Usually there is a direct correlation to the amount of time spent together verse how hard the heartbreak is.We all know years in a relationship is going to take more time to get over than a few months of a relationship. A lot of this has to do with the amount of time the both of you have invested into making the relationship work. Then when it doesn't work out, you see it all as a waste. After it's over, you will hear people say to you "you'll be fine, it takes time." "Sooner or later you will be laughing at all this." But when is sooner? And when is later? Some people are heartbroken months and years later. Why? What differs these people versus people who move on much quicker. It is hard to compare different relationships and heartbreaks together, but time seems to be this common denominator between the two. It is not time only on its own although. It is a combination of time, how you choose to use and focus your time, and how you perceive your position in time. You can use the time you have now free without any ties, to focus on you. When you really think deeply into how we spend our time, most of it is on making other people happy. When we are growing into adults, we aim to please our parents. When we go to work, we aim to please or bosses. When we are in love, we aim to please our partner. How much time do we take a week to please ourselves? Then sometimes when we do, we almost feel guilty about it. Now is the time to really dial in on yourself and your life. How is your health? If you are a student, how is school going? How are your finances? How is your family? How is your living situation? How is work going? How are your closest friends? If religious, how is your faith? How are your short and long term goals? How much money do you have saved for that trip you would love to go on? A lot of questions right? These issues tend to be overlooked much more while you're in a relationship. Because you're in love, and if you believe it's true love, then you'll believe they should love you no matter what. Sometimes we let these ideas go and put all our effort into making our partner happy, and forget about ourselves. Now is the time to invest in those questions above and get yourself settled before jumping into a new relationship. Now that you know better also, you will try to remember to not let those ideas become overlooked during your next relationship. It is very easy to become distracted and go on a downward spiral if you're not careful. Especially for guys. I have saw countless guys go broke, unhealthy, and friendless because of a specific girl. They spend all kinds of money to impress the girl they like, they skip the gym to spend more time with her, and ditch their friends also for the same reason.

Remember that when you meet someone, they are not only falling in love with you, but also who you are and the situation you're in. Your situation fits into the category people like to call "standards". Now your job here isn't to meet other people's standards. It's a slight paradox because that sort of contradicts itself. If you are searching for love, the higher you hold your standards, the less people fit your category, therefore the less likely of finding someone. Also, if you hold yourself to a high standard, you fit into more of other peoples category to date. But as I mentioned, meeting other people's standards isn't your job.It is your job to create your own standards for yourself and try to abide by them. Make sure to set them to new levels once you achieve them also. Always be striving and making improvements. All the how questions I asked before, there are always areas we can improve in. Meeting other people's standards will always be a never ending destination. In life, you'll learn you can't please everybody. Then when you dive into something specifically with the goal of pleasing your partner, and then they leave, you lose track of yourself. You may even say to them " I did this and that all because of you, even though you know I didn't want too". So make sure to set your own standards and invest in yourself during this difficult time period of a breakup. This will set the groundwork of your new found confidence in yourself, which will also attract others. You will walk around not wondering if they like you, and what one will choose you. Rather, you will be walking around making the decisions. Knowing that you are happy and content with your life, even single, you know if they choose to not be with you, owell!. Your like owell? Exactly, because we know that they are making the poor decision, because you are the prize here. If they choose not to cherish you, owell, somebody else will.

So you have acknowledged that your relationship is over. You have decided to take the next step on moving forward. You have decided whether or not you would like to keep in contact with your ex in person or on social media. You have hidden away the objects that remind you of the relationship. You also are able to go wherever you would like. You have chosen what to do with your time and which areas to focus it in. You have decided to set standards for yourself and have found a new confidence in you. Now all that's left to do is test the waters. Go out, or stay in, and meet new people. This doesn't have to be right away, only when you feel comfortable. Get use to being social and learning how to interact with new people. Maybe you will meet a stranger, someone online, or a person within your social circle that could be your next potential partner. I am not here to teach you how to meet new people although. Use your own judgement and experiences you have learned throughout life to make a smart determination on how to go about it. Since many of my fans are from varying countries, it's hard for me to really dial in on how to go about it. But I trust you can do it if you made it this far!

# Chapter 5

**Passages I Have Written**

You have now heard my viewpoint on breakups and how to handle them. Now it is time to show you that you are not alone. This is one of the main reasons I started the BreakingUp2BreakingOut page on Facebook. People feel so alone and lonely in their feelings. They feel like there is noone out there to help them. They feel like a victim. Like love is out to destroy them, and only them. I started writing passages on the page to show some personal experiences of my own,some from others, and also some inspired from life situations. These passages ahead are the reason this book was created. My passages have been viewed by millions of people and shared thousands of times online. The passages are all related to heartbreak and trying to come back to center. Going from breaking up...to breaking out. Thank You for accompanying me on this journey. This is only the beginning of much more to come.

## Insomnia...

When I lay down alone at night it's the worse...I just want to dream again because it's the only place you don't exists any longer...I toss and turn through the loss and burn...I can't escape you even in my place of peace...These thoughts of you are plagues...each one designed to prove to myself why I shouldn't treasure you...Maybe if I try to actively think of something else it will help me fall asleep faster...ok...work..think of work...I work 9am to 5pm tomorrow... then after work I guess I'll go....home...since usually after work I would go and spend it with...you....why does it always come back to you!...What about me? I am fine throughout the day it's just when I am alone...here...without someone to hold on too.. Without someone to kiss goodnight or say I love you too...I get lonely... and slightly desperate for affection and attention and just might text someone I know understands me just to feel understood...I have to wake up soon...not only for work...but in my life...I have never wanted to sleep so badly only to wake up a new me...let's try this...one sheep..two sheep...I wonder if theres thoughts of me when you sleep...three sheep..four sheep...I try not to fall but the hill is getting more steep...five sheep..six sheep..never thought I'd sink this deep..eight sheep..nine...I'll be sleepless one last time...

## Mirror...

I glance at myself through this piece of glass and try to see what you see...I try to see the flawed individual you once called perfect that you used to stare at, and now barely glance at..There's not a piece of me you haven't touched...which is why when I look at myself all I see is you....Is what I am looking at not good enough? Are you bored of my image? Because when I do switch it up you tell me I've changed and you liked me better before...even though I could sense it was only from a place of jealousy since you didn't like all the new attention I was getting...Or maybe this physical appearance of mine is all you appreciate...Maybe it's what I know I can't see in the mirror that you don't acknowledge...My personality...My identity...My individuality that makes me..me...which is why I don't need a mirror to define my reflection of myself...Possibly I am an illusion to you...When you really need to look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what you see...and when you look into the mirror and there's no reflection of me next to you or by your side...you will then question yourself to determine what's missing...It will be me...and when I now look in the mirror at myself I won't see you...It will be me...The me you didn't see...that you didn't need a mirror for...

## A Girl's Thoughts...

Every girl has a guy they regret...or they try to forget, pay no mind or respect...I can..feel you..cry as you reflect..thought it was ride to the death, so why did he object...You want to be smart and play your part...make sure he's not in it for the sex, but in it your heart...see once that..next sex session popped, the text messages stopped..and everything just dropped...calls aren't like they used to...excuses seem to confuse you...maybe he just used you,abused you...chooses you..but yet you can believe how much he continues to seduce you... and it just seems like..nothing can go your way..except these problems, they won't just go away..and the overwhelming feeling of being so betrayed..or maybe the feeling of being so played,everyday...and it feels like...Loves a waste of time..a never ending destination and you only wait in line...praying to God, that he could make a sign.. That even in the rain even he can make it shine...and you promise yourself, that you won't cry...you feel like an Angel with wings that don't fly...you feel it could work, but he dont try...and I don't care what you do to me just say you won't lie...just don't know...the problems I awake with...once I'm fragile with my heart someone's bound to break it...you start to think you can turn around and make it...but once you find real love they turn around and fake it..and they say...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I keep dying inside I can't take it any longer..did you hear me!? I said I can't take it any longer I just want to know the right reasons that you did me wrong for!...and you...we were a perfect couple...always happy with each other and we never heard of trouble..I was the only one in your eyes until you started seeing double...our foundation of what we built turned into debris and rubble...and It ended..just when I thought it was splendid..and I get so offended, I can't comprehend it...was everything pretended?...I had our time mapped out, and this is not the way I wanted to spend it..So I'll be alone...not answer my phone..Im grown..just get into my zone and do this on my own..every guy is like a clone..he is just in it to bone..so instead of repeating my past...I'm moving on

## Atmosphere...

In my eyes...A world without you didnt exist...It's the only planet I never wanted discovered...But here I lie alone now with the stars, eclipsed by darkness...My happiness revolved around you...Your eyes were black holes....leading me into your galaxy of no return....My daily horoscope didn't include depression...Interesting enough how they left that out...like you left me out...of your heart...your business...and your plan...You went from a perfect human being...to alienating me completely... at which point did our worlds separate....I'v become lost in a solar system of emotions where you were my gravity which kept me grounded...The atmosphere feels different now...I can feel it in the air...I can feel it in your stare...I can feel it when you're there...I can feel it you don't care...But I can still feel...which reminds me there's a Universe of options still available for me to explore...and now I realize it isn't about discovering more...It's about discovering myself...and learning not to let you pressure me into becoming your shooting star...because I am light years away from becoming who you would like me to be...So now when I look at the sky...and understand constellations are about connecting the dots...That's exactly what I do now...and realize everything I have been looking for only exists right here...Inside of me..and not out...The atmosphere feels different now...like a world without you...the only planet I was meant to discover....

## Breaking....

Don't be mistaken...I'm shaking every time I reawaken..If it's not love, then what are we making?...the more that I give,the more you are taking...the more that I want, the more you deny..I can see you bleeding through your pores with the lies..I promised to love you from the floor to the sky...the more that I live with you, the more that I die...You've become a sore to my eye...this isn't the first time its happened, its the four to the five...love doesn't cost a thing, but there's a finders fee..it was me plus you, now it's you minus me...so blind to see...you must think time is free..now it's all wasted and I can't stop everyone from reminding me...I thought your attitude had improved to a new latitude..went from mad and crude...to a passive mood, to massively screwed...How can you not see me collapsing...I'm only falling because it's you that I'm forever grasping...Don't worry I'm not fine so thank you for never asking...I can only wish that me and you never happened...my hearts cracking...I loved you from the place my life was manufactured..so luckily my heart isn't broken, only fractured...it's only after I move forward and not backward..now without you I got laughter...now that you do not matter...because I have recognized without you I'm not shattered...I'm still breathing...although love may look amazing it's still deceiving..and you have proven that,which is why I'm still leaving...and even through all this...I'm still believing...

## Fade...

I saw your true colors and they were that of a different shade...I'm afraid, betrayed, and played and for some reason I stayed...I loved you then hated you, at what point did we trade... I thought we had the ingredients for love, but it was lust that we made...in public when you were mean..we argued and caused a scene...when the letters on my phone wouldn't work because of the tears I'm wiping off of the screen...I thought this love could be what I've dreamed since a teen...but now that I'm awake this heartache and heartbreak makes my heart shake...should I start to date or start to wait...because everything always starts out great..I loved you from the beginning but you started late..so how can I love someone else when I'm still not over you...isn't my good karma overdue...and you weren't even my first love so it's like I'm getting over two, and that the sober truth...since I was drunk in love with you and blind...now I've changed my mind...I'm leaving you behind..to love myself more then me and you combined..I'm done being confined and done being declined...you were the one being unkind..now I'm the one being defined...by my own self worth, and not what your values at...time for me to pawn you off to another and better make sure they value that...

## For No Reason...

You think you can just wake up and tell me that it's over...like I wont lose my composure, after years of you pulling me closer...telling me you couldn't wait to grow older...the only thing you couldn't wait to grow was colder...you couldn't tell me to my face...funny how you found the time but couldn't find the place...you just wanted to disappear without a trace...disappear without a chase, but i'm sorry that not the case...you have the nerve to say you don't love me anymore...after you swore, and I opened all of my emotions doors...ones that I had previously locked before...and I was fine with us just friends but you wanted us to be more...now you take it back after all the emotions we poured...I realized that no matter what answer you give I won't be satisfied...but it's odd because I'm upset right now but haven't cried...thought my life would be over but I haven't died...thought I could never be single but just haven't tried...all this time I haven't lied..so feel free to express to me what you have in mind...I may be sad but fine...may be mad but time... will heal what I feel...since your love is unreal and your mind turns like a wheel....my heart was fine till you made it skip...love is a never ending destination but I still bothered to take a trip...so If you're going to end this for real make it quick...and end this for no reason relationship......

## Unforgiven....

I forgave you when....you cancelled on me the first time. when you missed my call...when you got upset and wouldn't text me back all day and didn't forgive me...when I needed you the most and you were nowhere to be found...when we were with your friends and you treated me differently or acted like I wasn't even there...when I offered to introduce you to my family and you said " we were not that serious yet"...Because I for sure thought we were...when you looked at someone else with the same look you used to give me...when I took you back after I caught you texting and flirting with someone else...and who knows what else you did that I didn't even know about that I chose to forgive you for. Now I have been told many times that I should forgive and forget. That forgiveness is the key to set me free...so if that's the case why do I feel so restrained...why should I feel obligated to forgive you for everything you do wrong when I have done nothing...why does everyone tell me to just forget about it and it's most likely nothing...they tell me you were probably busy or I misunderstood you or I am overexageratting the situation...but...I know exactly what is going on, and I am finished with forgiving, because of the amount of times I have said " I'll never forgive myself for this"...The next thing that happens between us will be the last...So make sure before you ask for forgiveness or tell me you're sorry that you already understand I'm walking away...because now it is time to teach you about karma...Please forgive me....

## Note to Self...

Stop crying... They are not worth it...They will eventually see that what they lost from being with you is more important than what they desire...They didn't deserve you..but they deserve what's coming, and that's a future without you, which seems dim...When they try to contact you again, remember all the times you texted and called them endlessly and they never responded, or did so with a few words after you poured your heart out.... So don't give them the courtesy of a response now either...Remember that your more attractive than ever and your personality enlightens everyone's day... Funny how this sounds like what they told you in the beginning and how it slowly faded with time...So dont forget that either...Remember that you're the prize...But the winner is not by chance...but your choice only...You have the decision to decide who to be with next, who to invest in, trust in, and build with...Every decision you make won't be perfect or correct and that's just fine...But they all lead to right now, which is why you're reading this, and you need to stop staying inside, stop shutting others out of your life, stop blowing off friends and family, stop going to work all the time just to get your mind off stuff, stop trying to hide and act like everythings ok when you're struggling inside and want to just be alone...It won't get you anywhere...but lonely...which is where they left you...which is where we refuse to be...which is where they want you...but we make our own decisions on where we end up...So let's start by making one to move on...let's add that to your next note to self....

## Hidden...

People never knew the real Us...They only saw what I felt could make them think "I wish that was me"...They only saw the pictures of us smiling..the videos of us enjoying life together...it's the real moments they didn't see...that I didn't show them..that would make them think "I wish that is never me"....We rarely see a video or picture of me crying or us arguing...because people would ask me why and what's wrong...if I told them it was us, they wouldn't believe me because we seem too perfect from the outside in...Then they tell me we can work it out and things will get better like I haven't been telling myself that for the last few months...so if I believe it and they do to..why can't you? Why can't you make me happy any longer? Why can't you be the person you used to be? Why can't you...no...why can't I just leave you like I know I should...I just wanted to show everyone how perfect we can be...but then I realized... I am only happy in brief moments of time, and our bad outweighs our good....and it's those bad moments that they don't see...that when I look at other couples and think to myself... "I wonder if I should wish that it was me"....

## Alone....

When you left my side, always my good side because I kept the bad side to myself and just cried when you couldn't see it,only when i was...Alone...that's all I ever felt even though I thought we were in this together because when you were out doing who knows what, you knew i would be in my room...Alone...No matter what I did when we were together I made sure to try and never make you feel alone, I was always here for you through whatever, and that part that disgusts me is the fact of when you upset me and I told you to " leave me alone"...and you did....what did I do to deserve this?...How can you feel so comfortable without me? My imagination runs wild about what you could be doing when I'm busy and you're alone...What makes you believe that the way you treat me is acceptable in anyway, and that I wouldn't be better off..alone...because Iv started to think for myself now,and not for you! Not for us! Because when I'm alone, I'm in better shape than when I'm with you. When we are together, there is constant fighting,constant accusations, constant anxiety of never knowing how quickly you can decide to turn your cheek to me and do it so confidently...So now when I am alone... the people who care reach out to me and say...I am better off without you...Because now I am really me when I'm alone, and not your waiting slave...So when you hear that I am not alone any longer and with someone else and decide to text me out the blue..this time when I tell you to "leave me alone"... I mean it...

## The Deep End....

A few feet from the steep end...potentially the difference with us and where we end...you love me physically,because I won't let you see in....side..the nights I decide to weep and sleep in...trust me I never believed I would fall this way...after awful days...ring ring reject button, thought you were one call away?...Look from the outside in on how we turned out...I am worried about your lack of concern now...our spark has possibly burned out...I'm in so deep I could swim in my own tears...drown in my own thoughts...I've put in my own years...so listen with both ears...you may think that you're doing me service..I am so deep that you are only floating on my surface....so take a noting of my purpose...stop promoting that I'm worthless....you have no idea how slowly it effects me...I am so deep that you look shallow next to me...won't let you get the best of me...i see now you're not my destiny...thought I'd love you endlessly...Now the tear in my heart might scar...and the light in my eyes found the right star...love has a potential to make life hard...so don't go into the deep end without the right lifeguard...

## I'm Sorry....

That I cared too much...That I wanted to see you too often...That I asked you to at least text me Good Morning or Goodnight everyday to start or end my day...That apparently I am not enough for you...That I am not the most attractive person in your eyes... That I can't be the perfect person for you and do everything the right way you like it...That I cried over something that you say is small and insignificant...That I was angry you chose your friends over me that day...or days...That I am not marriage material...That I am just here for you as an experience to learn from, and then when that's over you'll move on..and I won't...I'll still be apologizing to my heart...saying sorry that it ever loved you...sorry that I would do so much damage to myself...Sorry that I was ever sorry about giving my all to you..and never receiving a sorry back for giving me barely anything...Sorry that when I was up stressing over you to the point my heart was racing, stomach hurt,eyes in tears and body weak that I just wanted comfort and a confirmation from someone it was going to be ok!!!... Now I understand why I never got one...Because it wasn't going to be...and from this point on, we will never be again... I'm sorry...

## You Remind Me...

You Reminded Me....I was imperfect..every characteristic you desired, I lacked. I was on a never ending journey for your full acceptance. I felt criticized and never good enough, and never good enough was something that you were really good at making me feel...When all I cared about was being the perfect one for you..and it's like you barely noticed..or cared to even acknowledge it..You reminded me every time when I saw myself in the mirror that I could never be your fantasy or all that you ever lusted for or be proud of to accept as yours...because if I embarrassed you that much then why did we even bother becoming a couple..why did we even bother trying to make this work..WHY DID WE EVEN BOTHER, no! Why did I even bother, because you never did! You remind me of why I stayed out of a relationship in the first place. You remind me of a list of ex's that I promise you you're going to be on very soon. You remind me of why loving myself was so much more fulfilling rather than being supposedly loved by you! And I'm done being reminded by you.. Because all you made me feel was like I was forgettable... So when you finally remember me and all I have done too...I'll be here waiting to remind you....

## I cried...

I cried..I cried when you told me it was my fault...that I am the one who always causes the problems... that if we never met, your life would be better. I cried when I threatened to leave you, and instead of you trying to fight for me to stay, you retreated and told me to leave then...when i ask if everything is ok, and you lie and tell me yes..When everything you use to do made me smile, now everything you do puts me on the verge of tears..when you forget about what I like, special days we have shared, or what it felt like to love me like you used too. When you accused me of being with another person..going through my phone, checking my social networks, and asking my friends.. When i text you Goodnight, and I wait for a goodnight back, and get nothing. I cried when you said maybe we should take a break, or you don't want to see me, and when I feel like your attraction to me is fading. We kiss less..hold hands less..hug less..talk less.. You were everything i have ever wanted and more...and now were just..less..but ever since we took that break...I cry less...I'm sad less..I'm worth more..I love more...more of myself...but less of you... I cried when I realized that I let you treat me the way you did..because when I cried..you didn't care or ask why...now when you cry, I won't be by your side...and I am completely content with that.. because I deserve more..unlike what you have told me, no more tears will be shed in your memory..no more crying myself to sleep with hopes of changing your mind..because now, Iv changed mine, and for that reason, I no longer cry....

## You Cheated...

You... Cheated on Me...How do you think that makes me feel? Inadequate enough to satisfy your needs...worthless..taken advantage of...maybe trusting you was the wrong decision in the first place...because look where that led us now...I explained this to you in the beginning,you promised me one thing,which was never to cheat on me... if you wanted to leave me then you should have told me, we could have talked about it.I would have rather you been straightforward with me than lie to me by telling me everything I wanted to hear from you..just so you can get every reaction you fantasize about back from me... I know there was a point your attitude started changing towards me and I couldn't figure it out because i was so immersed in making myself believe that this couldn't happen....again...It's always unpredictable but never accidental...Your decision has been made to replace me with another,after you spent days and months convincing me I'm irreplaceable...What did they do that I couldn't, what did they say that I didn't, what point did they persuade you into a state that you couldn't resist or say no...or do I even want to know...why...you cheated on me...and now I feel like I've cheated myself, out of something that meant anything, time that I can never get back, months and months of telling myself maybe I am the one...but now i know I'm your 2...and I refuse to stick by your side any longer and be a second choice or just "friends" and don't tell me you're here when I need you because you obviously stranded me when I needed you most..This is the end of me and you... And you can come back and like this status.. when that person your with now.. cheats on you too....

## Dear Ex...

Dear Ex.... You left me broken...lonely...depressed..and isolated...Day by Day was a struggle to move forward. I just kept trying to decide the point where it all went wrong...and recap all the arguments I decided to start to try and fix what was broken. Till this day I feel like we both don't understand each other and did not then as well. Our years together, and visions we shared with each other will all go nowhere now, and I must restart again, even though that's the last thing on my mind. I see other couples in public and on social media and can't help but think that it used to be us, or even worse, they will be us soon, and they are just unaware of it...as i was...How could you love someone else the same way you loved me, or did you ever even love me,or did you just say it to silence me..comfort me...and make me feel appreciated and comfortable in love. I may never know the truth of what was real between us or what was fiction, but what I do know is that this story has come to an end..an end that I didn't expect but regardless..it's over..and it's time for my new story to begin. I will take with me what I learned from all this and apply it into my future. This love wasn't a waste of time,it was just a bad investment of it with no return of mutual feelings. So now that you're gone and I am left alone to decide where I want to be and who I choose to be with next, I will exclude the thought of you..sight of you..idea of you..idea of us...I loved what we use to be, but not more than I love who i am now, and luckily for me,my new person in my life is outside to pick me up and they love me for the new me, So Goodbye for the final time.

## Denial...

We should break up...but we haven't...not because you haven't left me yet, but because I know I should leave you and I just can't bring myself to do it. You're my comfort zone, you're all I know or have known until now, because now, I don't even know myself,or who I've become..Plus I know if I left, you would barely give a s..t anyway and I am determined to change that for your desire to make me feel inadequate...since you're not content with us I don't even understand why we're still together because all you want is for me to feel jealous and insecure about my appearance or income compared to others as a constant reminder I'm not good enough for you...just worthless and insignificant... If i was the one for you I could see the disappointment in your eyes...yet I am so hesitant and terrified to be lonely and rejected...you left me empty and abandoned...These are all emotions I can't deny...so with that said...it's about time you feel the same...denial...the refusal to believe or accept something as the truth...and truth is...I can't deny my denial any longer.. Im stronger.

## In between...

Have you ever loved 2 different people at the same time...or maybe love one and be infatuated with another...or just curious how life would be with someone else...Where one lacks, the other excels and vice versa, the two put together make 1 perfect match for me but 3's company and that only makes me the in between....and in between my time of not seeing one, i see the other, and if you could read in between my thoughts of how the two of you may eventually cross paths one day, but for now you run parallel to each other....I'm left with 2 options with no wrong decision..should i stay with the one i love while i continue to fall for the other, because once i leave there's no going back and with my luck my new love will be destroyed by karma, because irony sure loves to get between you and me...maybe I'm just bored and intrigued...or lusting to be desired...but iv come to the conclusion...I'm incompatible for both of you because i won't settle for anything less than the One...and only one...I deserve..... and nothing in between....

Did you ever.... Sometimes I believe that love just isn't meant to be for me... And then i meet that one person...who proves exactly that....then people tell me " no it's fine, you'll meet the one eventually"... " the one"... The one who what?... Who can actually love me for who I am, or degrade me into becoming their perfect match for their own satisfaction that only last momentarily until the next "one" comes along and starts to flirt with you that seems innocent at first and then someone makes a move on the other and how can You be the "one" for two people....so your time becomes split between two "ones" which leaves us as half's who are both blinded by this fallacy and false promises of love that no matter how many times LOVE breaks it promises i keep taking it back!!!....Did you ever....think that the one would actually come? Or did you realize that the only one for you is you...Did you ever feel like life was just out to end your happiness at all cost and leave you stranded with nothing but hopelessness...I rather be lonely and have nothing then be disrespected and have 1... and I'm not the one for you...because you are nearly a fraction of what i deserve...Did you ever?

## When...

You would like the kind of guy to pull the chair out

But you're stuck with the one who makes you pull your hair out

Who couldn't pull a care out

His heart, and if he did,you would have to pull a prayer out

Just to ask for your whereabouts, to see if your around

But he isn't found, except before he leaves town

When he text you for sex and to see if your down

And if you don't want to he would be with a frown

Although before he called you Princess and said you should be with a crown

He has a code to his phone, and you don't know his passwords

You were the girl of his future, in his past words

Try to reminisce about the time you last heard

Whats wrong baby? If you don't care, then Why bother to ask her

You weren't his final destination, he just wanted to take a tour

From meeting you pure, to making you insecure

And when you awake, better believe you're in for more, to endure

And Just to think,you thought you had it bad before

You did everything for him, and he gave nothing in return

Never learned,or expressed any type of concern

You couldn't get what you deserved from him, only what you earned....

But I'm his best friend....

And i recognize that more is better than less than

That this one is better than the next ten

I'm here with you on this journey and love is around the next bend

I was his boy, so i use to support it, until he got distorted

The plan got aborted

When you let me listen to the arguments you recorded

Because you thought that I would know him best

I know you're depressed, he put your patience to the test

When you're upset that social media is making him obsessed

With other girls to desire, while you just wait to be admired

You used to see the fire, now conversations run dryer

And your love's about to expire, yet you should be inspired

But for right now... that's all i will say

I'll call it day

For now focus on the next step, because the next step

Is walking away.....

## During Labor...

Have you ever been in love you can't deny

Can't defy,always see to eye to eye,i'll love you till i die

Love till goodbye,you the angel in my sky

Here for you till my last breath and I can't reply,

You were a teen, and I was to

The only thing that meant anything to me was you

And lately its been crazy,you been so much of my lady

That we planned on maybe,having each other's baby

And that's when it began

The day you took my hand,said "I want you as my man

And I hope you understand, being your girl for your life span is What I plan so let's do what we can and have a kid and expand

Our world

A little baby boy or baby girl,baby toys and baby curls

as long as I'm your girl and you promise

to take care of our child"

And although the idea seemed wild I agreed and she smiled

And I never knew,it may be my worst response

1 month later, 2 lines on that First Response

She was so excited she couldn't get out her first response

Now we had to go and hear her parents worst response

They wanted an abortion,thought we were immature

And unsure of the things that we had in store

Said wait til we're older and feel more secure

Other boys will see you as a bore ,and you should of stayed pure

But what's done is done,my daughter or my son

I'll finally have a number 2 next to you being my number 1

A new life, a new chapter, a new life with new laughter

I'll do whatever it takes to give you the life you're after

So we sit down,how can we afford this

Your bellys getting bigger but you still look gorgeous

This is like a movie,wish i could sit and record this

And we knew our goals so we made sure we worked towards it

Went to the docs, stomach like a mold of round

I watched our baby forming on the ultrasound

I grabbed your hand and promised you I'd hold you down

Buy you the finest things that they ever sold around

She said her troubles were gone and I saved her

I said no need to stress babe save it for later

She said I'm the one,and glad that I date her

But what if we have a girl baby what will we name her?

So next to me,you had some names to suggest to me

The only name you liked, I hated, and it was the name destiny

Because great,she was destined to be

And here in this situation you explained were blessed to be

I can't wait until this baby goes through

Dressing in loose clothes so you feel it doesn't expose you

I got my work together and have a plan to propose to you

But what you didn't know is that i plan to propose to you

but before I could, your water broke,and we got you to the e.r.

They could see how happy we are

But then I'm in the room,in complete complexion

They turned to me and said they did a C-Section

The baby did come out healthy,but with my girl the see an infection

Her heart was slowing down,500cc's in the injection

It's a newborn girl,once her heart started beating

My girlfriend's heart stopped beating,and i stopped breathing

I can't believe it

I looked at my girlfriend and said no babe please don't leave me

She said I'll always watch over you believe me

She flatlined.... and at that time...there was nothing i could do

She was pronounced dead at 7:22

Now...what am i to do?

Life seems worthless...and so much more less to me

You'd be happy to hear i named our daughter Destiny

And great like her mom she's destined to be

And she grows everyday and in every way impresses me

She's got your eyes,she's got your hair and she's got your feet

But I'm sure you're up there and I'm sure you can see...

They buried you with the wedding ring you never got to see

Now I'm a single dad,and maybe a single momma to

But baby, it's only because i promised you...forever

## Revolve...

You have become the center of my attention

Everything comes full circle when you're in my radius

My mind revolves around the way you make my thoughts rotate around you

And that's exactly what you wanted, but exactly what I feared

Dependency they call it, when life spins out of control without you

When I disregard my family and friends for a long period of time for brief moments with you

Which you don't appreciate because all we do is argue

I missed your call, and I was truly busy, but all you're worried about

Is falsely accusing me, but if I were too accuse you it'd be over...

So quick to assume, but so slow to stop and listen

You use to tell me our love is priceless and you would trade it all

Now our love is worthless, and you would love to trade me off

Microscopic moments that I may have overlooked

Has had the largest impact on the way my mind revolves now....

Because I didn't recognize you had us moving counter clockwise

Spiraling around with no pivot, the only direction we were moving

Was the one that you wanted to go in

So now you can move towards or for whoever you like

Because I won't follow, I've learned to revolve around myself now

And become centered

Because if we keep moving in circles we'll get nowhere

Which is the reason why i no longer revolve around you....

## Intimate...

Lay down...and let me gently feel your lips on mine...When you exhale, I want to inhale your every breath...I want to stare into your eyes and see every bad intention you ever envisioned manifest in this moment...because with how gorgeous you look on the outside...inside of you is where i belong....I want my chest on yours so I can feel your heartbeat...your scent is turning me on and the way I kiss your neck has you arching your back and staring at the ceiling while i work my way down to the middle of your chest...to your stomach...to your pelvis... as you look down at me with anticipation because you know what's coming next will change everything, and you've never been so sure you're ready...and I can tell you're ready through the moisture on your panties and I can't wait to know how you taste...now.... the lips I'm kissing make you feel irresistible...which you are...you're the temptation i was always warned about...but your soft skin makes me feel so at ease to touch you all over and the only problem I'm having is I don't know where to begin...but just as soon as I start...you tell me to put it in...slowly...and i listen...and i observe your stomach tighten and your face of pleasure as you feel it go inside of you for the first time..and it feels just as good coming out as it does going back in...and since this is our first time getting intimate...let's make sure we do this again.....

## Inside...

Inside the eyes of someone who saw no one else but you...but only if i truly saw the inside of you..i would see everyone else but myself..inside the mind of whose thoughts cannot think clearly without you...inside a body that craves for your touch...shivers when it happens...and loves every moment that it's not alone...inside a heart that beats twice as fast when you come closer..and closer...inside of my room,crying inside to myself because if i let out whats inside, outside,then i will be viewed as desperate or overly affectionate, and if it's what's on the inside that matters,why should i have to step outside of myself to get inside of your heart..inside of your thoughts...by your side where i use to be...but I know if i go deeper inside of myself, i know on the inside that what you displayed on the outside was not truly who you were inside..so there's a little voice inside of my head telling me to let go...and i will listen.... because it's what's inside of me..like how you'll never be..again...

## I Got Down On 1 Knee And Said...

I never imagined we would come this far, or fall so deeply... when I look into your eyes, I see everything I ever dreamt of staring back at me...I feel incomplete without your presence, deserted when without you, and unfamiliar with my surroundings, unless I surround myself around you..because I couldn't fantasize about being anywhere else... I am ready to commit to you over my lifetime.. the only lifetime I know I am guaranteed... I am ready to die knowing I can be your Angel...I can't help but be intoxicated with satisfaction knowing I have been given the blessing of experiencing all you have to offer...and now I am offering you a life together where the both of us can create...experience...thrive...learn...and develop our lives into however we see fit together, as long as you promise we do this...together..I want you to have this ring, and cherish it as a representation of forever...a symbol of two promises that have come full circle to meet in the middle as one, and a life that will never diminish in value as long as we have each other, so my Angel... Will You Marry Me?.....

## I understand...

You want to love me...and please understand I want to love you too...i want to be able to trust in you and give you my all...but it's been done before...which has gotten me here..to a destination of uncertainty, memories of tearful nights and days have destroyed this moment of me wanting to accept your kindness, your strength of knowing my weakness, because I sincerely can tell you care about me, but you wouldn't be the first who did in the first 8 months and then after that look at me like you're disgusted...and worst of all, leave me uncertain of your certainty...your flirtatious remarks and the phrase " I promise I won't hurt you" are all reminders of how I got here....to a destination of doubt....because if I go forward to believe you it may bring me backwards...but no love is certain, I may regret this in the end, but I will follow you to your promise of a new destination, because remaining indecisive has only left me here...alone...so I beg you to please take me away from this place of uncertainty...

## Day 1 after You Broke Up With Me...

I changed the wallpaper on my phone..the background of You and I can only be left in the background now...I went to delete your number, but realized it wouldn't help me since I remember it by heart, and I just remembered i requested off of work to spend the day with you, but now i might as well go in just so I can get my mind off you...should I delete all our text? Sometimes I like to go back and figure out where we went wrong and reflect on the cute things you say...did say...said...won't say anymore...now to my social media...do i make it private? Delete it? Or leave it?... I'll come back to that later...who should I tell first, I'm going to want to forget but then have to repeat the story of what went wrong over and over because people want to know and the more i will tell it will only remind me of how it didn't work when it was suppose to...I have a few of your belongings, do I text you and ask to give them to you? But then I have to see you and that's only going to lead to an arguement or more heartbreak but the thing is even though I know that i still just want to see..you...fine..I'll drop it off somewhere...Do i still text you and start an awkward conversation or cut all communication...because I miss you already and it's only day 1, I can't imagine 1 more day without you, maybe by Day 2 you'll realize how much you miss me...or even worse, realize how much happier you are without me.....

## Let go...

Letting go is not a choice, it is a decision,not even made by you but decided by your circumstances, and past events that have led to this moment of you...letting go...if you continue to hold on you will lose grip with reality and only envision what you imagine, but I bet you didn't imagine this moment...of letting go.... so if i let go of them, who will i hold onto you say.... how about holding onto yourself and your self worth, getting the treatment you actually deserve verse what you feel you deserve... your pro's will outweigh your con's, it's like riding a bike,because you would have never learned how to ride if your parents held on and never let go...or never learn how to love when your ex let go....when your closest friends tell you to let go, and you're so caught up instead you let go of them....so now it's time for you to help yourself let go...but hold on....because it's not going to be easy....because if it was, you would have done it already, i understand your past with them, i know you have been through this and that, i know you will feel empty, i know they will be heartbroken and so will you, but the fact of the matter is it's not your decision, its loves..and if you're not being loved the way you expect to be, then it's time to let go...

## You Know Me All Too Well...

Oh hey baby, you're my only one, at least that's what I tell you.. then I text the next girl the same thing.. I'm late to pick you up? Maybe being with you just isnt on my priority list... I used to do this and that for you, but after I knew you loved me, I knew I didn't have too any longer..because I knew you wouldn't leave me...I knew that when we argued, even if I knew I was wrong, i would always make it seem like you were...or that it was your fault, and I admit..when you cried in front of me, it did hurt me a little to watch, but it also made me feel good because I could see how much you cared...which I could take advantage of...I can manipulate your feelings, lie my way out of situations, and even while looking into your eyes tell you that I've done no wrong, knowing you can see right through me.. Because in my eyes, it will only hurt you, not me in the end...i barely kiss you randomly anymore, hold your hand, want to cuddle, give you gifts...now all I give you is remorse, regret, trust issues and the feeling of not being enough for me.....Because You're Not.....there's always another prettier than you, smarter than you, and more sexual than you...and I'll tell her i love her first too, not like how I made you wait....When we break up, I know you'll come back, why do you think I don't hesitate to say " if you don't want me then leave!"..I don't feel the same like I use to..I don't look at you the way i use to.. maybe I used you? For my own pleasure, to make me feel good about myself, and in the process made you feel more worthless...and the crazy part is..when you see this and confront me about it...I'll lie and say i didn't write it...and you'll believe me...because you would do anything to make yourself believe you're my one and only like I promised you.....

Dear readers.... Please don't end up in a situation like this, if you do, please look from the outside in,and take control.

## What My Tears Are Made Of...

I wish You could capture my tears and see inside them..You will be amazed at what you find...difficult moments that hit me all at once that manifest from thoughts into liquid that drips down and rest on my cheeks like your lips used too...How have I reached my boiling point and feel so frozen...I could only stop these tears if I could stop you..or me from caring...or for allowing myself to feel for your lack of ability to feel anything...anything..and everything is what you promised me, but when we argue, all the magic we made disappears, all the sudden I'm a burden to you..you treat me like I'm a chore that you have to take care of before you do what you rather be doing...it's not the fact that you say hurtful words to me, it's the fact that you don't hesitate to say them...the words flow so freely off your tongue, like these tears have down my face for the past few hours...days..weeks...my eyes are so red that I can now see your true colors...i can now see that these tears aren't meant for you, they are meant for me, to cleanse my eyes of ever envisioning us together again like I use to dream of...that's right...dream of...Did you ever dream of me?...did you miss me while i was away?...Where were you when i really needed you? Where are you now that I'm crying over you and I'll never let you know because you would ask why, and i would reply... .... dissect my tears..and look inside.

## Unexpected...

How we became disconnected...your mistakes couldn't have been corrected...my heart was left unprotected, I was neglected, rejected, and you weren't even affected...but this is what I should have expected...sick of you now, so infected..you use to be who I respected, You were who I selected, the last person I thought to break me I suspected, I should have know once the two of you became more connected...one less notification on my phone..love runs deep and I feel it through my bones...now I miss your tone, you think I love another but I don't!you think I'll love another but I won't!...it all started when we related...we waited until we dated..mated..now I'm hated, your thoughts of me are faded, and you've destroyed everything we've created...I can say I'll be ok but there's no guarantee, but love is a risk apparently..you saw through my eyes so transparently when you were there with me...but now... I'm in a new position..who wants to apply for my love? I'm taking new admissions, and if you do a good job I'll give you commission, including love, support,and new superstitions, we can flow together like notes and a musician, you can learn to love me without tuition, but with intuition, we can grow together built off support, a mission we can't abort, an opinion they cant distort, take equal halves of each other and make sure not to cut it short...so let me sit in my chair...look in your eyes and stare...see the glare of your soul and how you care...how you risk and how you dare...how you kiss and how your there...how you miss and how your rare...how you rip and how you tear...through my wall..so unexpected, for I didn't expect you at all..and just to think I thought id never make it through it all...without you know who involved...

# I feel...

I feel like I am not good enough, that i am investing my all into you for a small percentage of your emotional interest..I can't help but think about how to be enough for you, plus the fact that i can't help but think isn't helping...I've gone out of my own way to get in yours, sacrificed my own time that I will never get back to make sure your satisfied every hour of the the day...I'm not sure if it's me who is being selfish or you who is being relentless about making me chase you more and more, but no matter how fast I go I still feel behind...an option to you, never your first choice and maybe that's why i feel like I'm in last place...but love takes time, it's not a race to the finish,i sprinted my fastest to fall for you, and fell in the process, fell behind on myself, missed a couple much needed steps to allow myself to reach the finish line... and when i cross that line I'll feel...feel like I've accomplished something, on my own without you, I'm not first or last, I'm not above or below, I'm not an option, i am only who I feel that I am, if only you could understand how I feel...or felt...for you..now..I'm numb...do what you want, because as long as it's without me, I'll feel better.....

## Lies...

Was there ever any truth with you?..or was it just lies..Maybe I was lying to myself, broken not because I believed you but believed IN you..in us..apparently it was all superficial, because to others we were the truth with a stable foundation until I deconstructed it and found out it was a foundation built on...lies...You said "I promise", you didn't, you said "I would", you didnt, you said "I wouldn't lie", but you did..That my heart was yours..well whos is it now,because I for sure don't have one any longer after you..and even if I did get it back nor would I be handing it over to anyone else, and that's the truth, no lie...mistaken by your words and identity that you displayed to me because it was what you felt like I wanted and not truly you, but the difference was, I was being truly me and when you said I was your fantasy I didn't know THIS is what you had in mind!! A character i became to you...but now... look at how much character I've gained without you..I'm living my own dreams now, fulfilling my own fantasies, and you can talk yourself into believing that you would be better without me, but one thing that i know is true..is that you would be lying to yourself...

## Lost...

You were the only path I knew..I was so certain in where we were headed, but somehow along the way we got..lost...I have been in this situation before and have found my way out, but now here I am again, lost. Love is a gamble and I took my chance with you..and I lost..lost my original character too become your perfect someone, and in the process, sacrificed a part of who I really was to please what you wanted, because you were what I felt like I needed...because I felt like I lost your attention, lost your attraction, lost that look in your eyes like you actually give a you know what.. before you were..lost.. lost in your phone, lost with your friends, lost from my inbox, lost from my incoming call list, found with someone else, found out what your about, but ever since then, I've found myself...and I know for sure I'll never be lost again, because if you can't see what you've lost, then you've lost, and I win...

## Unable...

To love anymore, to feel anything, to trust anyone...disabled by you, enabled by myself, but unable to stop...i am told to move on by others who are unable to understand what this feeling of love has done to my perspective on happiness..or maybe without you, I am unable to be... Do I really care this much or am I unable to see, the truth, because I don't know if I am more angry with you or myself, for the lack of ability to stop my mind from repeating over and over how you take me under and under, I sink so slowly, but fall so deeply..I reach to pull myself out, but the only thing to grab is you...which makes me feel uneasy because of your habits of letting go..in which this time you did, in which I found myself unable to talk, unable to go out, unable to eat, unable to do anything that didn't include me and you..but then I realized..God wouldn't give me any situation I am unable to handle, for now on I am unable to move backwards, only forward, only move on,while you move over...this is the last time..the last day that I love you..this is my goodbye, my suicide note to us, because I am killing all my feelings for you..and you ask why?...Because I'm able too.

## Memories...

I try to let go of you, but I hear your voice in my own words. I feel your touch when you're not around. Every lyric of every song somehow applies to Us.. or you..or me.. or the distant memory of what we use to be. I wrote our love story in permanent marker, that was my mistake. Now I can't erase my mind of old memories to make room for new ones. You filled my canvas with beautiful pictures and promises and now its just blank...just blank...nothing, like how I feel when I am without you...like how you feel about me, just a memory. But I will never forget this feeling, I will never forget this moment, I will remember this for the rest of my life. This is my memory now, not ours. And if I do remember correctly, I remember a day before I knew you existed, and I was just fine. You can't make new memories without experiencing new things. Today I won't let my past affect my future. I was always told to follow my heart, but you made it skip a beat and I could not catch up. But now, my heart doesn't beat for you. Remember me for what I was, because after today I will be a new me. Just a..simple..blank ...canvas.

## The Invisible Trust Wall...

The wall made of invisible broken pieces of your heart that protects and shields you from getting hurt yet once again. This is the wall that will not let you say " I love you" first. This is the wall that wants a text from the other person first. This is the wall that puts you first, before you put someone else first. This wall made of broken promises, shattered high hopes, and dreams woken up from. Continually slightly let down, but abruptly rebuilt by yet another disappointment. This wall is necessary in many ways. How high it is built depends on each individual. As a man, I understand. This is the wall that I must penetrate or climb. How can we build trust together if there is a wall between us? How am I able to trust you if you're holding back your true self and feelings? It keeps you in defense instead of offense, playing to not lose instead of trying to win. One small mistake can build it higher and higher..and as a man..I understand. But because I Love You I will climb as high as I need to go. Because I care about you I will not only show you that I am worth to not just let the wall down, but destroy it with genuine promises, new hopes, and new dreams. Let me put you first before myself...Come With Me And Let Us Build A New Trust Wall Together.

## Third Wheel...

Most of the days you cry for him..Lie for him..Try for him...Deep in your thoughts you die again..sit and think Oh No why again?..It's just a cycle..it's so vital..just like a never ending recital...story of your life without the right title...you used to think they were your idol...I hear him say..to his friends..I did this..I did that..I hear you say..just to me..my man did this..my man did that..then you repeat,just to me,he broke my heart,didn't plan that...in the end girls realize too late that he's not a man for that...just so you know..it's not my life..you want to do it right? You want my advice? He broke your heart..he wants you back..and you still say you want to try twice..cold as ice..you rolled the dice..don't understand how you say so nice...just beware that love could hurt, and be prepared to pay the price...tell you right..tell you wrong..promise it won't be always like this for long..give you ideas so you can stay strong..and you're the reason I could write this song...it just rolls,pay the tolls..no price but could cost your soul, heart tossed in a hole..now you rode it out till you lost control...its like its forbidden..to sit back and have an opinion...even though I've watched you struggle through most of your living..so If i am the third wheel, then why you forgetting..that what your man did was wrong and can't be forgiven..so when you say you still love him, I think you have to be kidding...but my help is still here and gladly permitted..because we all make mistakes, and it would be bad if we didn't...I just knew inside it was only sad and mad you were getting..but unfortunately, I tell the truth like it or not..because if my opinion was so important to you...then I'd like you to stop...

## Broken Promise...

I had love..but then she took it..Fell for her..and then she booked it..said she was sad..but she didn't look it..I thought we were straight...guess we were crooked..you cooked it..the recipe, no and yessing me...just to hear less of me..at my worst,won't let you get the best of me..you're stressing me...and can only relate to reject..a state of regret..I hate that we met..hate all the threats..memories we only made to forget...Anything I question...turns to a session...you use your discretion...it fuels your aggression...fools for obsession...or tools for depression...let it all out, no rules for confessions..like caffeine, you're so addicting..half mean,half clean,so restricting..laugh or scream,no predicting....your self esteem is so conflicting...conceited..so cheated...took the step back that I desperately needed...couldn't believe it...so heated..didn't even react to how I was treated...but it's my fault... I actually paid attention to your B.S. and believed it..your number, is deleted..only thing I feel now is defeated...I felt whole..and then you made me sell my soul..I played my role..and all you did was just try and take control...so be honest..why would you make a broken promise...love is token and outspoken..and only spoke to con us...

## Looking Ahead...

Sometimes I wonder what to do...where to go...whom to converse with...or should I really do anything or talk to anyone at all...Maybe if I just keep to myself and become introverted I would be much happier. But then I realize when I look from inside out...what I see on the outside makes me jealous inside...and makes me want more of what I can't have. Even though everyone tells me it's not always what I think..I think what I see looks like happiness..it appears like love...or is it all just a mirage...and I start to think...What does what I am seeing....feel like?...Who looks at me...the way I look at them...Why can't I have that? Why don't I deserve that? Every step I took that I believed led me to that direction has only led me to a dead end. An end I recognize, like I did a lap around love, and the finish line is the same as the starting...Because where old love ends..New love begins...or does it? I can't help but think maybe this is the end for me. I can't stand being broken, disrespected, disappointed, uncherished and forgotten.How many times can I jump in a pool of love without drowning?Is it me or something I have done to put me here? But if I keep looking outwards to determine who or what I should have to determine my happiness, then I will never become satisfied. I need to decide on my own what I want, because things are always changing around me, but my core values need to remain the same. Each person looks at me differently...and judges me endlessly in their mind...even though they don't realize it. They try to pass judgement as what they call their opinion...well in my opinion....their judgement no longer matters....only my own. Now when I look ahead I can see a world by myself and feel comfortable with it. Knowing my happiness doesn't depend on the love of my life or who you all think I deserve or what situation I should be in. The love of my life.....is life life itself...and as long as I'm alive...I'll be looking ahead.

# Chapter 6

**Followers Post**

Asel Aparis:

Second Chance...

Then we had our second chance we agreed to forget the past and move on. by then we created new memories, do silly things, we traveled and just be fun spontaneous adults. Broken trust regained. No lies and secrets, i trust him completely. We were okay, we hang out almost everyday and night. I was certain about it about our love, and i was sure that by that time we will make things right. Until one day he realized that he wasn't sure about his feelings anymore, that he doesn't live me the way that i do. That he needed space, and i was like ohh that was fast. Abrupt. I couldn't move, i was shaking and having a cold chills. Don't know what is exactly happening to me.. Like i just want to disappear from that moment or was i just dreaming. I burst into tears and he tried to comfort me (but i don't want him near me at that moment). I beg not to, please don't leave me.. Don't do this to me, not now.. I kneel down and begged. And yes i succeeded he stayed, but the treatment was never the same. He was cold, he's no longer the person i was with for a long time. No more sweet thoughts, goodnight kiss, tight hugs and an i love you back. That was very awkward, but still i choose to continue to ignore everything. Until when will be the treatment lasts, until when will i allow him to hurt me? Day by day my feelings subside, i sat down beside him and stare like we were a different person now, and thought about why i held on so bad and how did i ignored the pain.. I don't know now, it's like my other half is paralyzed and I'm like a car without a driver that i can't go on without him. So hard to fake everything now, but i can't fake my love. I still want to take care of you, I still want to be your baby, i still want to be your everything........ I'm so confused, my heart is tired but still not wanting to give up. Oh God i held on for those priceless memories that nobody can take away from me. But this cant take forever, i cannot be numb and stupid forever so i finally accept that he is no longer the person i used to love..i asked for freedom and let me go It took courage and humility to accept wholeheartedly. And as of today i can sleep peacefully without my wet pillows, no more bitterness in My heart and soul and finally start to heal all by myself...

Donah Faye Angcon:

Restart...

Out of all the people who left me, out of all the things that hurt me, who would have thought that this was the part where I'd die alone? I gave you my last piece because I thought you can make me whole again. I gave you something, although I was left

with nothing, and in the darkest corner, I ended up getting void as ever. I was alone because you left me. I was not whole because you broke me, and I was crying because it did hurt. That was what I thought.I wasted my years crying over our

broken vows and it startled my broken heart with the hope that we may be together again. What ended up as nothing had definitely started as everything. I loved. I got hurt and I died, but I survived.From all the scars, I was made strong. From all the pain, I was restarted. Your love was a mistake but it was a reason to start over. Your love was bitter but it was a taste that I'll always remember. Your love was little but it filled my soul.And if I love again, I now know what to do. If I open up again, I now know when to to close the doors. Out of all the memories I kept in our own little infinity,

out of all the feelings that I accepted and gave, and out of all the thoughts that I juggled in my mind, I realized that although love is fortuitous..and pain is only an option.

Worth It...

Four years and a month. It took me a moment before I realized how long it's been. And I'm still stuck on you. I do not know and I do not even remember what happened on our short but lingering mark. We wrote a beautiful story for that short time while it took a lifetime and more for others to say it's done. And it's funny how my heart is taking a sweeter time erasing you when it only took a second to fall for you. We were the perfect contrasts. When you swayed, I danced in the rhythm of love. When you took a glance, I stared. When you said "It's done," I said "Let's start anew." When you were breaking free, I was holding on. Maybe that is why when you left, I stayed. And I'm still staying.And I still wonder if you ever wonder of coming back. I still hope that you hope for me to be in your arms again. I still pray that you pray for us to meet for the last time and never ever part ways. Is that too much to ask? Maybe it is. But if we meet again, I want to ask you if I was unworthy of a second chance? Weren't we worth-keeping? Was I not worth fighting for? Because you could have been..we could have been..worth the pain. But you walked straight ahead while I took the wrong turn..only to realize that I was trapped at a dead end. And you got to live your life and I had to be left with only two choices: to jump off the cliff or wait for someone to continue the road and take me with him..to a place where I need not pray, and where nothing will be too much or too little because everything will be scarred but everything will be perfect. Yes, you could have been worth the pain but I deserve a second chance..not with you but with someone who is worth-keeping. And when he comes, I'll make sure, we will be worth fighting for....

Rose Michelle Espiritu:

Sorry...

Sweetheart, I just wanted to say sorry. Sorry for everything I did. Sorry for loving you so much. Sorry for trusting you so much. Sorry for believing you so much. Sorry for giving you a hundred chances. Sorry for always having hope that you'll change. Sorry if I thought you loved me more than I love you. Sorry if I'm always getting hurt for every action you make. Sorry for all the drama I caused when I was hurt. Sorry for always crying. Sorry for always getting mad because you didn't eat at the right time. Sorry for always trying to have a conversation with you. Sorry for always trying to work our relationship out. Sorry for always reminding you to take medicine because you are sick. Sorry for always getting mad whenever you entertained those girls who liked you. Sorry for sticking around. Sorry for always reminding you to text me or call me so I'll get updated on whatever you're doing. Sorry for staying awake at night until morning just to have time for you. Sorry for always noticing every single act you are doing. Sorry if I'm saving my money for you to come visit me. Sorry if I always asked for your time.Sorry for always saying that you shouldn't be out at night. Sorry that I am not enough for you and that you left me to find someone else. Sorry if I posted something because I was hurt and broken at that time. Sorry for you and your new girl that are always fighting because she's jealous of me. Sorry for always replying to those posts that your new girl posted about me. Sorry for trying to be quiet but she did not stop. Sorry because I tried to entertain some boys myself. Sorry for trying to forget my feelings for you. Sorry for loving you so much. Sorry for still hoping that you'll come back to me and ask me for my forgiveness. Sorry if I let you in my life again. Sorry for trying to build my trust in you again. Sorry for believing you once more. Sorry for loving you so much that I didn't care what my friends or family said about you or about us. Sorry if I am proud of you. Sorry if I'm making a lot of sacrifices for you. Sorry you got confused again and left me again. Sorry for waiting you again. Sorry if I didn't give up on the dreams I had in the future for us. Sorry I let you break my heart once more. Sorry if I can't trust you that much like before. Sorry because one day I saw your conversation with your ex. Sorry if I knew that you went to her at night while I'm sleeping. I AM SORRY IF A GAVE UP ON US ALREADY.

Keith Wilson del Campo:

Imaginary World...

You're sweet lies are my fantasies. Pillars of my imaginary world. Where falling is as easy as breathing in and out. Cliches and sugar coating are my ropes as I hang on this cliff. The mouth of reality is just waiting underneath. I manage to only see what's shining, tasting nothing but sweetness and poison. While their eyes can only sense bitterness. The rust on the gold bar. Their senses are right admittedly. Those senses that have been choking me since; trying to suffocate me with the sad truth. You're a nightmare and experiences are my alarms. Judgement is the light that glares my eyes. Deafening. Blinding.But I don't care. For I'd rather live with lies than to die in a place with no colors. Even though, you're blind.You've got a smile that could light up the whole room. Eyes that hold the universe. You're sweet. You're corky. You're adorable. You are, one of a kind. As I'm sitting here across the table, staring at you, all I can think about is how lucky I am to be one of the few people you talk to or hang out and I know there's a lot of them out there dying to be in my place right now. As I'm sitting here, I'm trying to convince myself to be thankful and be contented to what I am to you: A FRIEND. This shouldn't be difficult, right? I mean we talk about random and stupid things. We throw punchlines to each other and burst out laughing at the lamest thing we could imagine. But why am I not satisfied with we have right now? Why do I want to hold your hands while you talk about what happened to your day? Why do I want more than this? I don't wanna cross the line. It'd be stupid of me to compromise our connection just so that I could have a special place in your heart. I shouldn't feel this way. BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. Now I'm sitting here, looking right through you..wanting to ask you why do you act like this? Why do you always sweep me off my feet? What was your motive when you sent me sweet text messages? The kiss on my forehead? What were you thinking? I admit, I tend to easily assume but friends don't act like this, do they? These questions clouding my brain should've been easy to answer if I will just base it on the way you treat me. I could really say that we have something special. But then as you grin, reality hit me like a big, crashing wave and remember: you treat everyone like this. Why did I want to kiss you everytime we're alone? Should I just be thankful that at least we're friends? Should I take the risk and confess everything? Should I be content? Because honestly, being your friend is painful...

Mary Rose Abanilla

Forgiving ...

They say "To forgive is to forget". But what if you don't know how to forgive? Does it mean you also don't know how to forget? For a kid who grew up around people who don't even know how to say sorry ... for a girl who fell in love and gave chances not just for the second time but for a third .. fourth .. or fifth time without thinking twice.. and now a woman who was left dumbfounded after everything she did without given any reason at all. Forgiving is such a big deal.Am I cold hearted? Yes I am. Numb? I wish I was.Emotionless?That's whats I'm trying to be. All of the pain made me this way. Change is a choice, but sometimes it's a must. For them I'm a brave and strong woman, but really I'm not. I'm smiling on the outside but dying inside. They keep on asking if I'm fine,but no one dared to ask if I'm hurting.Yes I'm fine, but it doesn't mean I'm not hurting.I'm still in pain,I just used to living with it.I kept everything inside me for years... then suddenly, someone told me to let all the pain go. I asked him how? Then he said "Try to forgive them .. him ". Somehow it hit me , but left me with more questions in my mind. I smile bitterly with that thought ...Forgiving? But how? How can you forgive if you didn't received even a simple "Sorry"? How can you forgive someone who broke his promises? How can you forgive someone who quit after you fought for him? How can you forgive someone who hurt you the most? Someone who broke you into pieces? Someone who never saw your efforts? Someone who made you believe all his lies? How can I forgive the reason why I changed and suffered? How can I forgive him? Or is it even possible to forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness?

Michelle Canadilla:

I'm Yours...

I know you like some one else,but I am an outspoken person most of the time.If I have the chance to tell what I am really feeling... I do. There's no harm in trying. There's no harm in being broken. There is no harm in rejection because life isn't fair.Expect the unexpected. Whatever it is. Be strong to accept and move on. How could I be broken if I am already broken. So I just let the pain subside...I just let the blood bleed..I just let the scars heal on it's own.What I do is keep going, I just don't want to show my vulnerable side. I always stay strong despite what I have been through. Despite of the "not so good" chapters in my life,and same with love. Rejection? Feeling worthless? Feelings of not being good enough? or what else... those things suck,but there still is 1% left in me that still believes in love... I don't want someone to fix me or to make me complete. All I need is someone who will accept me completely.It's kind of hard for me to believe that forever exist... that their are some fairy tale stories... but I want to take risk. I want to prove to myself that I am wrong. That those things exist... That one day,I can say...I'm Yours.

Distance...

you are there. I am here. We are 8529.8 Miles away from each other. It's killing me not to hold you and see you whenever I am missing you. We talk through messenger. Send each other pictures and even videos. Every time we talk, every time I hear your voice and see your pictures, it feels like "NO DISTANCE AT ALL." My love for you cannot be measured by distance between us. You are always near to me because you are always in my heart.I am always thinking of you, whatever I do and wherever I go. There are times, we don't talk that much. I understand though. But I want you to remember this. I was bold in telling you about my feelings. So, I will always be bold to tell you about it everyday. You asked me: "What have I done for me to deserve to be loved like this?" -NOTHING!- Sometimes, you love the person for no reason. It is something I can't explain. But as time goes by and I get to talk to talk you often. I find you naughty, sexy, hot, a sweet talker, nice, humorous, and a person who has ambitions. My feelings have grown deeper ... Yes, you might be too far, but I am waiting for the day that there will be no more distance between us. The day that I could finally tell you the 3 magic words while gazing into your eyes. It's easy to utter those 3 words to anyone. But if you can feel the sincerity of the person saying it ... That's a big deal and those words are more than words ... I will be patiently waiting for you. That's a promise I am keeping. We are living in a world of uncertainty, but one thing I am certain of. I am true and my feelings for you is real. My heart wants you. My heart knows "NO DISTANCE" Till the day we meet.

Best Feeling...

The best feeling in the world is to love and to be loved", people say. Yes, it is! Who doesn't want to love and be loved?? We all need love. Love is all we need. But love comes with pain, heartaches and tears. Not all relationships have a happy ending. A lot of us here have experienced heartaches. We experienced being cheated on. We experienced being left behind for some reasons and others without any reasons. In my experience, I was the one who left. Yes, I left. Why??? Because it's not worth it anymore. I tried ... I tried until one day, I woke up and realized that I fell out of love. He loved me and I loved him. Things between us were really great at first. We were happy, but things between us changed. We were not doing the things we use to do together, we didn't go to the places we used to go to anymore, we started to fight over small things and wouldn't talk for few days, we sometimes forgot to greet each other a happy anniversary on time and there were lots of cancelled dates. Maybe it's true that change is the only constant thing in this world. Our feelings change. People change. Seasons change. It's true that if you've been together for quite a long time, you'll get used to each other.You take that person for granted because you know they love you with whatever happens. But that's so wrong. If you want to be with that person forever, if you see yourself getting old together, if you are happy with that person, always make everyday as if the first day you said I love you's to each other and never ever take that person for granted. However, we can't avoid heartaches. We can't run from pain caused by the person we loved the most. How can we cope? For me, just let it be. Feel the pain until you feel no more. Cry until you can't even shed a single tear. Be a mess for awhile. But always, always love yourself no matter what. It's not the end of the world. Happiness doesn't depend on someone or something. It depends on how you make it. If there's nothing to hold on to, LET GO. Sometimes, it's more painful to hold on to something that's too impossible than to let go. It hurts to be broken. But if being broken means to be a stronger you, then let it be. We all have our own means on how to cope from heartbreak. As long as it won't harm anyone and especially yourself ... do it. Always remember: "there's a rainbow after the rain". Sometimes love is not enough. People will change if they want to. Not because you say so. I just did the right thing , that's to let go than hold on to something that's too impossible. I am happy being single as of the moment. It's been almost a year. Single ladies and gents, just enjoy the time and believe that there is that someone who is destined to be yours forever out there.

Anne Torres

I smiled back when you smile at me. It makes me weak , seamlessly did. But in the back of my head I was broken, broken into pieces like nothing. Because I know you love someone else. Someone who's not me, and I know that I will never be. I chose to let you go. And love myself instead , but still my feelings for you remained. I'm stupid to love you but I can't help it. I texted you and told you that I love you. The things is , you told me you can't love me back. I cried until I got tired. For some time I didn't contact you. I enjoyed life the way I used to. It's been a while I haven't saw you , I've never sent you a single text. I decided to close my heart for you and start a new.

Then one day, you messed up my life again. You called me, and I answered it as if nothing happened. My heart still hardly pounding and it showed that I really missed you even though you just hurted me. The day after that we met again, and you press your lips against mine. It chilled me out. I explode and kissed you back. From that day onwards you always text me. You've broken up with her just to be with me. Feels like a fantasy. But I felt guilty as well , because I know that someone got hurt because of me. Even though I felt that way I can't let him go because I know I love him so much. Yesterday, today and the day onwards.
