Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome one of the
most successful girl bands
in the whole wide world.
They've sold an incredible
39 million records,
they're here tonight,
singing their new single
A Woman Like Me - it's Little Mix.
CHEERING
# I always say what I'm feeling
# I was born without
a zip on my mouth
# Sometimes I don't even mean it
# It takes a little
while to figure me out
# I like my coffee
with two sugars in it
# High heels and
my jewellery dripping
# Drink and I get all fired up
# Insecure but I'm working with it
# Many things that
I could get rid of
# Ain't about to give it up
# I made a few mistakes,
I regret it nightly
# I broke a couple hearts
that I wear on my sleeve
# My momma always said
Girl, you're trouble, and
# And now I wonder, could you
fall for a woman like me?
# And every time we touch,
boy, you make me feel weak
# I can tell you're shy
and I think you're so sweet
# Spending every
night under covers and
# Still I wonder, could you
fall for a woman like me?
# A woman!
# Woman like me,
like a woman like me
# La-la-la woman like me,
like a woman like me
# La-la-la woman like me,
like a woman like me
# La-la-la woman like me,
like a woman like me
# Baby, just be
mine for the weekend
# We can get a takeaway
and sit on the couch
# We could just go
out for the evening
# Hopefully end up with you
kissing my mouth, ay, ay
# You got them blue jeans
with a rip up in them
# My hair with your fingers in it
# Love it when you turn me on
# 'Yonce with a little bit of
Love Drunk in the middle with it
# Get down to our favourite song
# I made a few mistakes,
I regret it nightly
# I broke a couple hearts
that I wear on my sleeve
# My momma always said,
Girl, you're trouble, and
# Now I wonder,
could you fall for a woman like me?
# And every time we touch,
boy, you make me feel weak
# I can tell you're shy
and I think you're so sweet
# Spending every
night under covers and
# Still I wonder, could you
fall for a woman like me?
# A woman!
# Woman like me,
like a woman like me
# La-la-la woman like me,
like a woman like me
# La-la-la woman like me,
like a woman like me
# La-la-la woman like me,
like a woman like me
# Yo, woman like me,
yes, a woman like me
# Soon as I brush up on him,
I could tell he like me
# You know all them mandem,
my trife they swipe me
# Knotted up, he could
afford to ice me
# Tell 'em there's a bad
Trini...in your area
# But the more bad...
then the more merrier
# Baddies to my left and to
the right a little scarier
# Rude boy, tell me, can you
handle all this derriere?
# Uh, a million
I'm getting my billion
# Greatest of all time
cos I'm a chameleon
# I switch it up for every era,
I'm really bomb
# These...really wanna be
Nicki, I'm really mom
# Apple cut the cheque,
I want all this money
# Seven Up, go grip the TEC,
and leave all this bloody
# I-It's the Queen and Little Mix,
skated on 'em, sorry
# My daddy is Indian... Swish!
..a-all this curry
# I've made a few mistakes,
I regret it nightly
# I broke a couple hearts
that I wear on my sleeve
# My momma always said,
"Girl, you're trouble" and
# And now I wonder, could
you fall for a woman like me?
# And every time we touch,
boy, you make me feel weak
# I can tell you're shy
and I think you're so sweet
# Spending every
night under covers and
# Still I wonder,
could you fall for a woman like me?
# A woman!
# La-la-la, a woman like me,
like a woman like me
# La-la-la woman like me,
like a woman like me
# Young money! #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yeah! Little Mix.
Thank you. Thank you.
Whoo!
Little Mix, ladies and gentlemen.
CHEERING
You're amazing.
Oh, girls.
Thank you for coming on my show,
that was really very brilliant.
Oh, thanks for having us.
I love that. That's such...
All your music is amazing.
Did you like that one? Yes!
Now this is part of a new
album, is this right?
Yes, and the album is out now.
Now!
The absolutely sensational...
One more time, please,
for Little Mix.
CHEERING
Thank you, girls. Thank you.
Oh!
Oh!
LAUGHTER
OK, ladies and gentlemen, it is time
to play the Midnight Gameshow.
CHEERING
Oh, yes.
The contestants of the Midnight
Gameshow have been set up
by their partner, who give
me the key to their home.
In the dead of night,
I sneak in and wake them up
to answer a series of questions.
This is the only game
show where if you snooze...
ALL: You lose!
Tonight's contestant is Jane.
Jane, where are you?
There's Jane, ladies and gentlemen,
it's Jane and Colin.
Oh, Jane.
Oh, we've met before...
We have. ..haven't we, Jane?
And, Colin, you weren't wearing...
Were you wearing any clothes?
I was.
Certainly not on the top half.
So, it's lovely to see you.
What I should tell the audience
right now, is that Jane,
without a shadow of a doubt,
has the best laugh
of anybody I've ever
met in my entire life.
SHE GUFFAWS
Yes.
LAUGHTER
Now, Colin, of course,
you were there, shirtless,
which was an extraordinary
thing to behold.
SHE GUFFAWS
See what I mean?
OK, so you were a
primary school teacher.
Yes, for 35 years, I was a...
For 35 years. For 35 years.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
It would have been so fun to be
in Jane's class. Thank you.
Now I just wanted to
share that information
because you did struggle a little
bit with some more basic questions.
It's the taking part
that matter, isn't it?
Yes.
OK. All right, Jane, so...
I'm excited to see this.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's
enjoy Jane's Midnight Gameshow.
CHEERING
LAUGHTER
FLOORBOARDS CREAK
LAUGHTER
FLOORBOARDS CREAK, LAUGHTER
Jane!
Welcome!
To the Midnight Gameshow! What?
Hiya, Jane.
THEY LAUGH
Nice to meet you.
And this is Colin.
Hey, Col? How are you?
Fast asleep, eh?
This is the Midnight Gameshow.
We're going to ask
you questions, Jane,
and you're going to do
your best to answer them.
You up for this? Yeah, yeah.
Name three types of pasta.
Erm...
Go on, Jane, you can do it.
Oh, God, I can't think of any, er...
I know, it's very difficult.
You were sound asleep moments ago.
Pasta.
Oh, er... Here we go.
That flat one.
Pasta, the flat one.
Lasagne. No, no, no.
Lasagne, pasta.
We'll take lasagne, yes, correct.
Er, spaghetti.
Correct, easy.
One more.
It's going really well now.
Come on, Jane.
No, you can't tell me.
No, shhhh. Colin, enough.
Shut up!
LAUGHTER
Thank you for that,
my co-host and contestant...
All right, Colin
you can help subtly.
Tagliatelle.
No, that's not helping subtly,
that's saying the answer.
OK, tagliatelle.
OK, we're going to need
to turn the lights off.
What I'm going to ask you to do
now is to identify this ghost.
I'm going to give you some clues,
his first name begins with D.
Any ideas?
HE LAUGHS
Surely that's obvious! All right.
He has a very, very
successful television show
that started on Living TV.
He would be incredible at this game.
Now, you can ask your own questions.
Have you got any
brothers and sisters?
That's a brilliant question!
LAUGHTER
We're going to be here a while!
Sorry? What's the answer? Yes.
He does have brothers and sisters,
has that narrowed it down? No!
OK.
I can tell you that he does deal
with the paranormal on television.
The clue was that he would
be very good at this game,
so what is this?
What are we doing now?
Playing guessing games?
No...
I think you've got it wrong.
Who are you?
I'm Derek Acorah.
It's Derek Acorah, and
isn't he looking well?
Look at that.
OK, now, Derek is going to
play a little game with you
called I Sense.
All you need to do is guess what
Derek is sensing in your bedroom,
because he senses,
he can sense anything.
I sense the letter C.
He's here.
It's something in your bedroom.
Oh, no...
It's in your bedroom, and you
know what? The initial C, yeah,
he's here for the right reasons,
but the C is important.
Is it something that's
normally in the room?
No, it's not.
Oh. It's not generally...
Cat.
THEY LAUGH
Where's the cat?
Downstairs.
SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
OK, brilliant.
Any other guesses on C?
The ceiling. Ceiling?
The ceiling is not normally here,
this is a new addition, is it?
LAUGHTER
OK. Anything you can see in front
of you that might not
normally be here?
Anything that you can see? Crew!
Yes, I'll give you that.
Well done, it's crew. Say thank you
to Derek, Derek Acorah, brilliant!
Thank you! Brilliant.
Thank you. See you.
OK, it's time now to play
a game of human ring toss.
This is a contortionist.
All I'm asking you to do, Jane,
is if you can throw a hoop
on to the leg of this contortionist.
The foot is up, are we ready?
Play. Go.
Keep going. Go on, Jane.
Oh, she's already done it! She's
already... Keep going anyway.
How many can you get? How many...
Oh, Jane is the man!
Jane, keep going. Oh! Go for the
other foot. Go for the other foot.
Oh! Two more, quick.
All right, she's coming down now,
that was amazing.
I can do something! That was
extraordinary. Thank you very much.
Thank you. All right, now, for this
next question, if you don't mind
Jane,
I'm going to need to ask you to get
out of bed, are you all right?
That's fine, yeah, that's fine.
OK, so...
Now, the question I'm going to ask
you is, who is singing
in your shower?
OK. OK? Yes, OK.
When I say, "Go to the bathroom," I
mean, go in to the bathroom. Yeah.
SHE LAUGHS
OK. Thank you.
All right. Here we go.
Jane, who is singing in your shower?
OK.
# Oh-oh-oh
# But you'll never stop me from
loving you
# It doesn't really matter
what you put me through
# You'll never stop
me from loving you. #
Who's that? Sonia?!
Yes!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Very good. I love that!
Very good, of course, it's Sonia,
singing in your shower!
LAUGHTER
Amazing!
Thank you very much,
Sonia in the shower!
APPLAUSE
Come on, Jane, back to bed
for more questions.
Sonia in the shower. OK.
That was absolutely exceptional.
OK. Please, can you now
tell me who this is?
LAUGHTER
It's a Mr Man. Yes.
Mr Happy. Keep guessing.
Mr Happy, no? Keep guessing.
Mr Dancey, Mr Wobbly, Mr...
Keep guessing.
Mr Somebody!
SHE LAUGHS
It is Mr Somebody.
OK, he's trying to do
what he's famous for here.
Here he goes.
One of you must... There you go.
What's he doing? What's he doing?
Kissing. Mr...
LAUGHTER
What's he doing, guys?!
What's he, what's he trying to...
LAUGHTER
What's he trying to do?!
Mr Kissy! No, he's not Mr Kissy!
LAUGHTER
What's he trying to do?
Mr Tickle. Yes!
That's the correct answer.
OK. The other question was to name
as many Mr Men characters,
but you've named them all already,
in getting this one wrong.
Jane, thank you very much.
Goodnight!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
It's gone dark. They've all gone.
Yeah.
Go back to sleep.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Very good. Ladies and gentlemen,
Jane's Midnight Gameshow.
Very, very brilliant.
Thank you so much.
That was so fun.
Jane, Jane... Yeah.
The problem with Mr Tickle is that
he couldn't control his arms,
so it was very hard... Yes, it was.
..to get him to do what
he was famous for. Yeah, yeah.
But when you have no
control of your arms,
you know, arms are kind of key to
tickling... Yeah, they are, yes.
..so really it was quite hard to get
that going. Very hard, yes.
We do have some prizes for you.
I've got you, of course,
this is a signed copy
of Sonia's album. There you go.
Don't ever forget that,
and of course we have Mr Tickle
who's going to, who also
has no control...
APPLAUSE
Thank you so much. Mr Tickle, and
you cannot go away
without receiving this -
our iconic and very-much-upgraded
"do not disturb" sign, for being
part of the Midnight Gameshow. Aw!
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so
much to Jane and Colin on
the Midnight Gameshow. Very good,
you were brilliant. Thank you.
APPLAUSE
Thank you so much. Thanks, Col.
There you go, it's Jane, ladies and
gentlemen!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Very, very funny.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is time to find out
who has replied to Holly Willoughby
in tonight's Send To All!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
How are you, girls? Hi!
So, here's a quick reminder
of the text that I sent in to
Holly's phone earlier.
"As you know,
I'm a global style icon.
"This Morning are doing a feature
where I help people with absolutely
"no dress sense,
and I immediately thought of you.
"What was that hideous thing
you were wearing last time
"I saw you? Puking emoji.
"Hope you won't be offended,
but could you come in
"with a few of your outfits
for Phil and I to laugh at?
"In return, you'll get a whole new
wardrobe. What do you say?
"Need to know ASAP.
Love, Holly, xxx."
So that went out in your phone
not so long ago... Oh, God.
..and there has been
a flood of texts.
Really?
We shall start with...ha!
Jamie Oliver.
LAUGHTER
It's good, it's a good one, it's a
good one, he's a good one.
But I told him he had bad dress
sense. That's fine. He does.
LAUGHTER
OK. "Hi, Holls.
"I'm not going to pretend
your text didn't offend me,
"but to be honest, I'm so sick
and tired of my checked shirts."
Then he's put an emoji
of a checked shirt,
which I don't even know existed.
"I've been stuck in a real rut since
the Naked Chef. I deffo need help.
"I'll bring them all in tomorrow.
I'm so up for a new wardrobe.
"Love, Jamie." Aww! Jamie's in.
APPLAUSE
We'll do it. We can do that.
Oh, oh, bless him.
This is from Louis Walsh,
ladies and gentlemen. Oh, Louis!
Louis Walsh has texted,
"I'm Louis Walsh.
"You must have the wrong number."
LAUGHTER
"My clothes are fab.
"Philip is the one you need to
style."
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh, he's another very stylish man.
Mr Hook? Oh, my God!
That, that's my kids' headmaster.
LAUGHTER
Mr Hook. Oh, God! Oh, my God!
That was the one, that's the one
I worried about the most.
Mr Hook, the headmaster.
Is it quite a posh school?
It's a nice school. Is it, yeah?
I just hope they can still go there.
OK.
LAUGHTER
He's gone with, "Yes, of course,
"but I will probably be too busy
with pre-prep assembly." Oh!
"Are my suits really that bad?
Oh, no!
LAUGHTER
Oh, my God, no! Oh, no!
Quick text back. "Yes, see you
tomorrow." No! Don't do that!
LAUGHTER
Don't you dare, don't you dare!
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry, Mr Hook.
Romesh Ranganathan. Oh, Romesh.
Oh, bless Romesh.
Oh, it's a brilliant one.
"If you're a global style icon,
I'm the world's most
"inspirational black woman."
LAUGHTER
And he's ended it with,
"Get stuffed. Love, Romesh."
Oh, sorry, Rom. Erm, who's Kez?
Oh, that's, that's
my husband's cousin.
"Thanks, but no thanks."
Then he's put, "Don't watch morning
television. Who's Phil?"
LAUGHTER
Kelly, Kelly Hoppen.
She's not taken it well. Oh no!
It's very short. Oh no. She's just
gone, capital letters,
"NO. LOVE, KELLY."
LAUGHTER
Oh, she's a very stylish lady.
Oh, my God!
OK. Oh, Philip Silver Fox.
Oh!
CHEERING
Bless him. Oh, bless him.
He's actually been quite rude to me.
"As you're there, you could help
Michael McIntyre with his outfits."
"Those dark suits are looking a bit
thin and shiny these days."
Thanks, Phil!
Yeah, Philip would know, wouldn't
he, about the items you're doing.
Yeah. On This Morning. Yeah,
he might have guessed that one.
I get that.
Great one from Rylan Clark.
"Two words - stop drinking."
Hannah Peckham.
Oh, she's my old school friend.
Hannah Peckham?
Yes, we went to school together.
"The last time I saw you
was my wedding day -
"bit harsh, Hol."
That's too good. You looked
beautiful on your wedding day.
Oh, my God. How awful.
"Bit harsh, Hol."
I think that has been an absolutely
sensational Send To All.
And you've been amazing, they've
been hilarious responses. I know.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the absolutely fantastic
Holly Willoughby, what about that?
Thank you. Holly Willoughby.
Amazing.
Oh, my God!
CHEERING
Hold on, hold on.
Have we got a microphone?
I'm miked, yeah.
You've, oh, they put a mic on you!
Yeah. How are you, mate?
I'm all right. I'm expecting
a big tip for this one.
If it's OK, we're just going to
pop that on the card we already
have with the Deliveroo account.
What's your name? Benjamin.
Hi, Benjamin. Hi.
Thanks for coming on the show.
That's all right.
Busy night tonight?
Yeah, so-so.
Are you motorcycle, or...?
Yeah.
Obviously, sorry.
Or a very nervous bike rider.
OK, thanks for coming.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please give it up for
our sensational delivery driver,
thank you so, so much for coming.
Drive safely. There he is.
Woohoo! Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
These burgers look amazing.
How many do you need?
Four. Four? We'll share four,
because one's a vegan.
You'll share four, which is
great news for the audience.
There's four coming up. I think...
THEME FROM "THIS MORNING" PLAYS,
HOLLY SINGS ALONG
You can have the nachos.
There we go. Who wants a burger?
SHOUTING
Burgers coming round.
Here we go.
Burgers for everyone.
Hold on, I don't think
it's fair on the circle.
It might fall out! I'm so worried.
No! No, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Thank you.
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,
everybody with a burger,
can you please thank
Holly Willoughby, who paid.
CHEERING
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
earlier tonight we surprised David,
who thought he was here
to get a new walking frame.
Let's see how he's been
getting on backstage
since that huge surprise
earlier tonight.
I'm so unexpected to be here.
CHEERING
My son said, "Going to the Zimmer
shop to get you a better Zimmer."
Pop your destination in,
and you just follow the arrow.
Then suddenly Michael popped in
and I was flabbergasted.
# Maria, Maria...
# Maria... #
How are you?
The only thing I'm nervous about
is if my voice is in prime
condition,
yeah, but we'll battle through.
SINGS VOICE EXERCISES
I've loved meeting David.
He's such a gentleman.
And this has been a dream of his
for a long, long time.
He's so determined to give
the performance of his life.
Something I have daydreams about,
and to happen is...
Is out of this world.
Ladies and gentlemen,
singing his favourite song, My Way,
it's our 91-year-old
Unexpected Star of the show,
David Owen.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
# And now the end is near
# And so I face the final curtain
# My friend, I'll state it clear
# I'll state my case
of which I'm certain
# I've lived a life that's full
# I've travelled each
and every highway
# And more, much more than this
# I did it my way
# Yes, there were times
I'm sure you knew
# When I bit off
more than I could chew
# But through it all
when there was doubt
# I ate it up and spat it out
# I faced it all and I stood tall
# And did it my way
# I've loved, I've laughed and cried
# I've had my fill
My share of losing
# But now as tears subside
# I find it all so amusing
# To think I did all that
# And may I say
not in a shy way
# Oh, no
No, no, not me
AUDIENCE: # I did it my way
# For what is a man?
What has he got?
# If not himself, then he has naught
# To say the things he truly feels
# And not the words
of one who kneels
# I faced it all and I stood tall
# And did it my way. #
SUSTAINED APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
David, what about that?
Come and say hi.
David, ladies and gentlemen!
How did that feel, David?
Oh, wonderful, thank you very much.
You absolutely belted that out.
That was amazing.
Thank you ever so much, Michael,
for giving me this opportunity.
Once in a lifetime, thank you.
Oh, you're absolutely welcome.
You were absolutely amazing.
You brought the house down, David.
You absolutely
brought the house down.
We are all very proud of you. You
have given us all a special moment -
I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much.
You absolutely deserve that.
It's our Unexpected Star
of tonight's show.
It's David, ladies and gentlemen.
Absolutely amazing.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Thank you very much and goodnight!
Next week, a pilot lands
on our stage
as the Unexpected Star
of the show!
The hilarious Bradley Walsh
plays Send To All!
And Kylie Minogue surprises
our audience with Kylieoke.
