-President Trump.
-(laughter)
While he's embroiled
in impeachment
and foreign scandals,
it's nice to see
that the commander in chief
will take time out of, uh,
all of these important issues
to deal with stuff like this.
We have a situation where
we're looking very strongly
at sinks and showers...
and other elements of bathrooms
where, uh...
you turn the faucet on
in areas where there's
tremendous amounts of water,
where the water
rushes out to see
because you
could never handle it.
And you don't get any water--
you turn on the faucet,
you don't get any water.
They take a shower,
and water comes dripping out,
just dripping out very...
quietly dripping out.
People are flushing toilets
ten times, 15 times,
as opposed to once.
They end up using more water.
So EPA is looking at that
very strongly,
at my suggestion.
(laughter)
Okay, is it just me,
or does it seem like someone
took a dump in the Oval Office,
-(laughter)
-that didn't flush,
and now they're trying to blame
it on America's water systems?
(laughter)
Just feels like that.
(like Trump): Mike, the EPA
clogged the toilet again!
(laughter)
And also, can we acknowledge
that of all the presidents,
Trump has the most unpredictable
schedule of all time?
Think about, like, a day
in the life of one of his aides
in the Oval Office, just like,
"Uh, okay, sir, at 9:00 a.m.
"we'll be discussing
Afghanistan,
"10:00 is impeachment,
and then at 12:00 you'll be
discussing a clogged toilet?"
Trump's like, "Great,
cancel everything after toilets.
"I have a lot of opinions.
By the way, did you see what
Eric did in the Oval Office?"
But, okay,
but if I'm completely honest,
if I'm completely honest, right,
whether you like Trump or not,
you have to admit
this is an issue
where we can agree with him.
Like, I can say for a fact
that America has a lot
of low-self-esteem toilets that
don't flush with conviction.
Yeah. I've-I've
experienced this a lot
in this country, I won't lie.
Like, you go to flush, and then
the toilet's just like, "Meh..."
And you're like, "No, flush."
And it's like, "Oh, I'm trying."
(laughter)
'Cause you have to admit it.
We've all had that moment
where the flush doesn't work.
The worst is when you're
at someone else's house
and it doesn't work. Yeah?
It doesn't flush. So, right?
So, now you're waiting
for the tank to fill up again,
and then you try again,
hoping that they don't notice
how long you've been gone.
The worst is when...
You know when you're flushing
and the turd is just, like,
swirling around the bowl like...
"I ain't going nowhere.
I ain't going nowhere."
(laughter)
I'm just saying,
if Trump can solve that problem,
he's getting four more years.
That's all I'm saying.
That's a big problem.
(chuckles)
It's also crazy how Trump had
so much more emotion
talking about toilets
than he does
about most tragedies.
Like, he was in that.
You know, it was just like,
"They were all falling down.
So powerful."
In fact, it was so intense
that we decided to produce it
off-Broadway.
We have a situation where
we're looking very strongly
at sinks and showers
and other elements of bathrooms.
There's so little water
comes out of the faucet.
People are flushing toilets
ten times, 15 times
as opposed to once.
They take a shower,
water comes dripping out.
Just dripping out.
Very quietly dripping out.
In many states
where they have so much water
that it comes down.
It's called rain.
(cheering and applause)
