FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS
ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR
COMEDIANS IN FRANCE.
PLEASE WELCOME GAD ELMALEH.
(APPLAUSE)
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK
YOU VERY MUCH.
I'M VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE, IT'S
GREAT TO BE HERE.
YES, I JUST MOVED TO AMERICA.
YEAH, PERFECT TIMING.
(LAUGHTER)
>> I HAVE AN ACCENT, I THINK
YOU'VE NOTICED, RIGHT, BUT YOU
GUYS UNDERSTAND ME NOW?
THANK YOU, NOT EVERYBODY DOES
HERE IN AMERICA, ESPECIALLY IN
NEW YORK.
THEY DON'T HAVE TIME.
AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IF I
MISPRONOUNCE ONE LETTERS THAT'S
IT.
THERE IS NO SECOND CHANCE.
I JUMPED IN A CAB THE OTHER DAY
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY AND I SAID
TO THE DRIVER PLEASE TAKE ME TO
THE GFK AIRPORT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY HAD NO
IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT?
I SAID SIR, HOW MANY PLACES DO
YOU KNOW IN NEW YORK CITY THAT
HAVE AN F AND K AND AIRPORT IN
THEIR NAME?
I MEAN I DIDN'T COME UP WITH GPM
OR AND WHAT EVEN IF I DID, COME
ON, MEET ME HALFWAY, YOU KNOW.
IF I WAS A CAB DRIVER AND YOU
ASKED ME TO TAKE YOU TO KFC
AIRPORT, I'D TAKE TO YOU JFK
AIRPORT AND NOT ONLY BECAUSE I
KNOW THEY'VE GOT A KFC AT JFK,
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO ASSUME I'M
GOING TO GUESS THIS IS WHERE YOU
WANT TO GO LET'S IMAGINE YOU
COME TO FRANCE, PARIS, TO VISIT,
YOU'RE LOST, YOU'RE IN THE
STREETS YOU COME UP TO ME, I
MEAN I WON'T STOP, BUT IMAGINE.
(LAUGHTER)
AND YOU'RE LOST AND YOU MIX UP
THE NAME OF SOMETHING, YEAH,
WE'RE AMERICANS, WE'RE LIKING
FOR THE iPHONE TOWER.
(LAUGHTER)
I'M GONNA GUESS, I'M GOING HELP
YOU, I'M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE
WHAT, APPLE STORE IN PAR PARIS,
NO, ANYWAY TO MAKE A LONG STORY
SHORT, THIS CAB DRIVER KEPT
CORRECTING MY ACCENT AND HE WAS
INDIAN.
I SAID SIR, WE ARE BOTH
IMMIGRANTS, WE SHOULD BE HELPING
EACH OTHER.
AND BY THE WAY YOU MAYBE GOT
THIS J THING RIGHT IN JFX BUT HE
AID AIRPOOT.
TOUCHE, RIGHT?
FRENCH WORD, BY THE WAY.
I MEAN YOU KNOW, IT'S
INCREDIBLE, THOSE GUYS.
BUT I RESPECT THEM, THEY WORK
HARD.
I DON'T KNOW ALSO WHAT KIND OF A
PHONE PLAN THOSE GUYS USE.
I MEAN THEY CAN TALK FOR HOURS
ON THE PHONE.
THEY ARE ALWAYS-- I THINK IT IS
A VERY SPECIFIC PHONE PLAN WHERE
IT'S FREE IF IT IS A MONDAY LOG.
MONOLOGUE.
THEY ARE ALWAYS ON THE PHONE
WITH ANOTHER GUY WHO APPARENTLY
NEVER SAYS ANYTHING.
SO YOU ARE SITTING IN THE BACK
AND YOU JUST HERE THIS LITTLE
VOICE-- POOR GUY ON THE OTHER
END MUST BE TRYING-- AND IF YOU
DON'T KNOW HE IS ON THE PHONE
YOU THINK HE TALKS TO YOU,
RIGHT, YOU GET CLOSER, WHAT?
NO, I'M ON THE PHONE.
IT IS NEW TO ME, RIGHT, I'M NEW
HERE.
SO MANY THINGS ARE NEW TO ME.
FOR EXAMPLE, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
COMEDIANS HERE IN AMERICA THEY
DON'T DO AN ENCORE WHEN THEY
FINISH THE SHOW, YOU KNOW
ENCORE, ANOTHER FRENCH WORD FOR
YOU.
ENCORE, YOU MUS IGS-- MUSICIANS
DO AN ENCORE, YOU FINISH THE
SHOW, YOU WALK OFF THE STAGE,
YOU PRETEND THAT'S IT, YOU ARE
GOING HOME, BUT YOU'RE HIDING
OVER THERE.
(LAUGHTER)
AND THEN THE CROWD IS PRETENDING
TO THEY WANT YOU BACK.
EVERYONE IS PRETENDING, THAT'S A
BIG, YOU KNOW, HYPOCRISY GOING
ON HERE.
AND THEN YOU WIT A LITTLE BIT,
THEN YOU COME BACK AND YOU
PRETEND YOU SO MOVED AND YOU
DON'T BELIEVE IT, OH MY GOD.
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT, THAT'S
INCREDIBLE.
BUT THEY DON'T DO THIS IN NEW
YORK CITY.
AND I DID KNOW THAT.
I DID A SHOW LAST WEEK IN NEW
YORK CITY.
FINISHED MY SHOW, WALKED OFF THE
STAGE.
I CAME BACK, THEY WERE GONE.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
I AM SINGLE.
IT'S A GREAT THING WHEN ARE YOU
NEW YORK CITY.
I'VE BEEN TEXTING SOME AMERICAN
GIRLS.
I JUST GET CON FAASED WITH SOME
OF YOUR EXPRESSIONS, GUYS.
ONE OF THESE GIRLS I SAID TO
LET'S GO OUT FOR A DRINK.
SHE SAID I'M DOWN.
I SAID ALL RIGHT SO LET'S DO IT
NEXT TIME.
SHE SAID WHY, I SAID BECAUSE
YOU'RE DEPRESSED.
SHE SAID NO, I'M DOWN MEANS I'M
TOTALLY UP FOR IT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?
I SAID SO YOU WANT TO GO OUT.
SHE SAYS I'M IN.
(LAUGHTER)
AND THIS OTHER GIRL I TEXTED, I
SAID LET'S GO OUT.
SHE SAID WOULD BE DOPE.
DO YOU KNOW THIS ONE?
SO I ASKED MY BEST FRIEND, IS HE
AMERICAN, WHAT DOES IT MEAN,
WOULD BE DOPE.
HE SAID IT MEANS SHE'S TOO
YOUNG.
THANK YOU GUYS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: GADZ WILL BE
HEADLINING CARNEGIE HALL IN
FEBRUARY.
GAD ELMALEH, EVERYBODY.
