 
TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA LADDIES
MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE
And welcome back to Cloudlands VR Minigolf!
It was WAY too much fun the last time
To just leave it as one episode
And actually... (stuttering) NO!
What are you doing? Oh, my God, it's already pissing me off.
I was just trying to put the strap on my arm.
That's it. THAT'S IT, LITTLE BALL!
You and me, we're gonna have fuckin' words!
I was gonna say...
It's another day for a nice calm...
Calm little game of mini golf.
But the last one wasn't calm at all, either.
Go in there!
(quietly) Fuck me. (slight chuckle)
The last one was actually a ton of fun to record,
Because the game
*Cannon shot*
F-Oh, God, that scared the shit out of me!
(laughs)
The game -- it was WAY better than I was expecting it to be,
Cause you look at it and you're like
VR mini golf? That's not gonna be anything good.
Ahm, we're gonna do a full 18 holes this time.
AND IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME!
AND,
I've got my little child here back again,
my little Sam Septiceye ball
because it's green and I love it to bits.
HOLE ONE
PAR TWO!
*Huh!*
I HIT YOU HARDER THAN THAT!
OH, YOU BETTER GO IN!
This is a par two
GO ON
GO IN!
GO IN!
OOH
MY
GOD
(sarcastically) OFF TO A TERRIFIC START!
CLAP CLAP!
CLAP CLAP!
YEAH.. CLAP IT UP!
YA SCHMUCKS!
I'm gonna--
I'm gonna beat the shit outta everybody
with this golf club
if (stutters) - SO HELP ME GOD!
Ah - Right.
Okay!
Ah, the pachinko machine!
Niiceeee… Niiceeee!!
Yay!
Go in!
Just give me one hole in one!
One hole in one!
Is that so much to ask for from you!?
What is this?!
This is a par two as well.
Okay...Okay, okay.
(birds tweeting in background)
Deep breaths! Deep breath. *Deep intake of air*
*exhales*
A hush...comes over the community...
EXCEPT THAT FUCKIN’ BIRD!!
Okay.
OHHHHH!
OHHHHH!
(Whining) I hate life!!
I hate life! It’s okay!
It's okay - A bogey is fine!
Double bogeys are bad!
That’s bogeys in both your nostrils.
(Grunting) Oh, I can do it! I can do it!
Come on, Sam!
You and me, together forever!
Windmill! You're going down.
'Cos I’m just gonna--
Ohh! Oh!
Follow through.
Just, oh, aaaaannnddd...
GO!
(screaming as always) YEEEEEEEESSS!!
YEEEEEAAAHH BABY!!
HOLE IN ONE!!
(cheering excitedly) WOOOOO!
Feeling good about that one!
Oh! Oh!
♫Do the golf dance! Do the golf dance!♫
♫Everybody go now n' shit your pants!♫
♫Do the golf dance!♫
*Uh!*
Son of a bitch, you're the one that caused me trouble last time.
You're-- You're the one...
You're the one I have to talk to my psychiatrist about.
*Heuh!*
*sad beep*
...son of a fucking DICK!
*sad beep from game again*
GO!
IN!
YES! *another sad beep*
(angrily) COME ON!!
Fuckin' A-HOLE!
Are you goin' backwards?
You gotta keep goin' forward in life! *sad beep*
Holy shit, that was awesome!
I wanna get it up the little bridge! *yet another sad beep*
You know what...
don't go up the little bridge then, go over there.
Don't go up the little bridge then, go over there.
Go over there and see if I give a tiny rat's b-hole!
(quietly) Oh, God
And here was I
livin' off the high!
(singing) oooOOOHHH livin' on a prayer!
I was livin' off the high
of that fucken'...
hole in one that time...
...and now here I am back.
*distant clapping* Suckville Jackaboy
Ok.
My fucken' hair is all in my eyeholes!
I need to get this stupid lawn clipped!
Ok, that's fine.
I don't need to be "hole-in-one Jack" all the time...
as long as I can get a few of them.
OH!
GO!
GO!
As long as I can get a few holes in one
Oh, I'll give you a hole-in-one
I'll give you one in your HOLE
I will -- We'll be good
We'll be good, oH-kay. Come on, Sam!
Oh you don't have any...
real edges on you do you?
KEEP GOIN'!
NO! (deep intake of breath)
COME ON, SAM! GET UP THE HILL!
DO LIKE DADDY TELLS YOU TO!
*hah-euh!*
C'mon! Go!
Do not fucken' stop
Do not -- do not stop!
There we go!
That's (stutters) -- sometimes...
sometimes your kids just need to be coerced...
a small bit...
into doing things.
*UEH!*
Fucken'... killing my momentum
I'll kill you
in momentum!
Ok...
Y'know what, it's not -- you shouldn't be angry getting at it.
I shouldn't be getting angry at the game; I should be gettin' angry at my own skills
Ha!
Who am I jokin'?!
Why would I be angry at my own skills?! I'M AWESOME AT GOLF!
...not really...
tingtingtingtingtingtingtingtingtingtingtingtingtingtingting
Achievement unlocked! First hole-in-one!
Yeah!
Welcome to the fucken' club
I was-- I did that ages ago!
Ah, par 3
ohhhh, pardon me par 3!
WOOOH! Go in...
Gimme-- gimme another hole-in-one
Oh...
So close...
So clo-- You better go in.
Yes!
Birdie!
Birdie!
Birdie me up!
Call me Tweety Bird-- because I'm gettin' birdies all over the place!
(Grunting) Yes!
Okay.. That one-- That one felt nice.
That one felt good.
Okay.
I haven't seen you before!
Ahh! The fookin' windmill things.
God almighty.
Where even are we!?!
In just-- In the laws...
(In awe) Ohhhhh...
You seein' this shit?
You seeing this crap?
That's going on right now?
Do I dare?
Oh, does man dare to delve deeper?
(Worried) Oh... Oh!.. OH! OH! OH!
NOOOOO! *sad beep*
(In agony) Sam!!
(Under breath) Son of a bitch...
I don't care how many attempts it takes. *sad beep*
I'm gonna do this.
Go.
Go!
Don't fall off into the hole!
*sad boop*
Okay...  I got it. I got it.
Yes!
Where is he?!
Sam!! You did it!
(Frustratedly) This is a TERRIBLE place to be!
How am I gonna get you out of 'ere?!
Oh, God.
It's like that time you went to buy groceries and you got lost...
(Muttering) Fuck's sake..
*sad beep*
Aren't you just twisting my testicle hairs right now with this shit!?
(Under breath) Okay...
Tap you up a small bit
TAP-IOCA!
*another sad beep*
FUCK!
OHH!
*sad beep*
Just go. Go in!
(Intelligble muttering)
Fuck..
..mY ASS!
Sam...
SAM!
S-- what are you even doing?!
This is a terrible idea..
Can I restart the hole?
How do ya--
(Hopeful) Oh!
*sad beep*
(murmuring) Fuck!
How do ya restart the hole?!
Is there a way to restart the hole, please?!
Go up there!
I need you like, right at the edge...
so that when I go to hit you, you go straight.
*sad beep*
At least just stay on the fuckin' course.
At least... (mad) JUST STAY ON THE COURSE!!
*Heuh!*
*sad beep*
Ohhhhhh! (puts up middle finger)
Ohhh!
Okay...
I shoulda gone the right way.
Let this...
(stuttering) Let this be a lesson to ya!
When in life, there is an easy way through...
Do not take it!
Do not take that easy way through.
Because when ya do, you end up getting...
FUCKED IN THE ASS!
Nobody wants that!
OK.
Ahm...kay
Nice...
(quietly) Nice.
Nice!
Nice!
NICE!
(shrill) AAAAAAAH!
(loudly) OOOOOOOOOH!
NICE!
*growls*
(stuttering) It's all about...
It's all about the holes, man.
22 fucken' shots.
Okay, aw! Look at the little mini cannon!
Aw, it's so dinky!
Tink, tink, tink!
Aw-haw, it's fuckin' adorable!
Oh 'kay. Enough flutin' around.
It's time for "sexy action time!"
*beep* *drawbridge creaking*
You better not be on a timer!
Oh, if you're on a timer, fuckin' Colonel Oppenheimer...
I will KILL you!
Is this a par 3?
Par 5. This is where I make my fucken' money back!
Oh! *tintingtingtingtingting*
*tingtingting* MOVE!
*exhales* (quietly) I'm nervous.
HOLY...
FUCKIN'...
SHIT!!
Baby, that is how you golf!
I am a golfing wizard up in this right now!
You're a wizard, Harry!
What, a golfer?! Of course, I am, Hagrid!
Ohhhh...
Why do I have to hit it into the butthole...?
This is a par 3?
Ohhh.... no!
I have to hit it up on top of the bundt cake!
(whining) I don't wanna do this...!
I wanna go home now, Mommy.
There we go.
Oh, and then you just roll in. And then you just roll in.
Swirly twirly, my name's Curly.
I kinda cheated.
I kinda cheated the system... because I tapped it here instead of letting it roll back down.
I cheated.
Aha...But sometimes you gotta cheat to get ahead.
I don't even know where I am half the time.
I am all over the fucking shot.
Ok....  Oh! I played you before.
Tink.
Tink.
TINK? Ohhh, Tinker Bell.
All the way down... all the way down...all the way down
Niccce...
What is this? Par 5.
Ok. I can make up all my pars again.
*breathes* This is hard.
Shit... Bring it around. Bring it around. Bring it around.
Ooh, ni-- Thank you, Little Triangle Dorito Man.
Yes! Go, Sammy Boy!
Go, little dude!
All the way down, Sam!
All the way down! 
Whaddaya got?
OHHHH!
A fuckin' birdie! Gettin' eagles! Birdies!
Ya might as well call me an aviary sanctuary, 
'CAUSE I HAVE ALL THE FUCKIN...
(stutters) ...birds.
He OH GOd
Red Blue er green???
Well green OBVIOUSLY
Because thats just how Jacksepticeye works
Oh shit. Its different. Okay
The red doesn't seem to bad, little humps and bumps. Blue will be a pain in my anus
Green is just bridges. Lets hope for Jeff Bridges.
Oh no thats not, oh shit. Thats the wrong direction.
Little ball
Thats the wrong, ohh blue. *gun fire sound* Ahh somebody shot me
Why. Why blue thats the one I didnt want
Oh fuck.
Oh they stop, I didn't know they stopped.
Okay get ready.
*beep noise* You fuckin whore.
Im sorry
Yes. *gun shot noise* Yes stop shooting me.
Where the ball go. Oh cmon on. You must be *studder* the joker from batman with this shit.
Whered ya g...ohh back for more aren't ya. Just like all kids.
Soon as you leave the house your fuckin back for more.
