Jaime: It should not be hard to recruit lords
into a war against an enemy known as "the
Mad King."
We can even understand the lords who chose
to honor their oaths and fight for him.
But the krakens of House Greyjoy sat out Robert's
Rebellion on Pyke with their tentacles up
their arse.
Euron: My father Quellon was old, and sitting
is what old people do best.
Well, second best.
He would have sat out the whole war if not
for my brother and me.
We convinced him that nobody would fear the
walls of the sea if we curled up by our fires
while others feasted on the spoils of the
Mad King.
So the old man creaked into his rusty armor
and set sail for the Reach only to be routed
by Tyrell longboats.
When my father sadly fell in battle, my older
brother Balon beat a tactical retreat to his
own inheritance as the new Lord of the Iron
Islands.
Jaime: I'd rather die in the Reach than live
on the Iron Islands.
Euron: The roses are prettier to pluck.
But my brother was getting old and felt that
longing to sit, and the Seastone Chair was
as good a place as any.
Within a few years, he realized that sitting
is only fun if everyone else has to stand.
He had the priest reforge...
No, that's not right.
They picked up sticks on the beach, wove them
into a new ancient driftwood crown, and declared
Balon the King of the Iron Islands.
Unfortunately for my brother, the other king
in Westeros, Robert Baratheon, was famously
bad at sharing, and his father-by-law and
Warden of the West.
Tywin Lannister, had a mighty fleet at Lannisport
within striking distance of the Iron Islands.
Jaime: Yes, you were very clever.
And how brave burning our ships at anchor
in the night.
Euron: They would have burned the same in
daylight.
Lions are lazy beasts.
You didn't rouse them too long after I set
fire to your proud mane.
I planned it all, you know?
My first torch took your father's flagship.
If it makes you feel better, we didn't loot
it.
Out of respect and time.
Jaime: I don't think I ever saw Robert happier
than the day he heard about the Greyjoy Rebellion.
He'd been king for a handful of years and
many handfuls of other things, and it was
clear to him and everyone else how ill-suited
he was to rule.
But battle, he could do.
Unfortunately, by the time we raised our army,
we seemed to be winning the war.
Balon's eldest son, your nephew, died trying
to storm Seagard, and his men were thrown
back into the arms of their Drowned God.
If we wanted battle, we'd have to hurry north
before the ironborn put down their own rebellion.
Euron: And we would have if I'd had my way.
Rebelling was a stupid idea.
Jaime: Never stopped your people before.
Euron: Before Balon put those sticks on his
head, I told him that if he wanted to rule
the Iron Islands, all he had to do was give
King Robert a tour of them.
Why waste our forces fighting a war we couldn't
win for a place our enemy wouldn't want?
With the Iron Fleet, we could reave not just
Westeros, but the rich lands beyond the Sunset
Sea.
But my brother was too attached to that Seastone
Chair.
He commanded me to sail the Iron Fleet against
Robert's navy before he could ferry his army
to Pyke.
Jaime: A navy commanded by Robert's younger
brother Stannis, most known for sitting in
a besieged castle eating dogs and horses.
Remind me, how did you fare against a man
who'd never commanded ships in battle?
Euron: Nearly too well.
Jaime: Stannis smashed your Iron Fleet at
Fair Isle.
Euron: After I sailed it into a strait, where
our numbers and the size of our ships would
work against us.
It took some doing to convince my men to rush
into such an obvious trap.
Stannis was not a subtle man.
Jaime: You would rather claim treason than
defeat?
Euron: Victory would have only delayed it.
We couldn't hold off Robert's forces forever,
but we could waste enough ironborn that we
wouldn't even fill our own islands after the
war.
I made sure the Silence escaped.
That was enough for me.
That, and watching your army smash my brother's
castle soon afterwards.
Jaime: Why didn't you just abandon him after
Fair Isle?
Why risk your precious life fighting for him
at Pyke?
Euron: I wanted to kill the best knights in
Westeros.
Jaime: You failed.
Euron: So did you.
I expected pursuit when I fled Pyke on the
Silence.
But I suppose you were too busy not punishing
my brother to not punish the man who burned
your father's fleet.
And now, I'm back.
Jaime: You were back.
But what is the King of the Iron Islands when
he's off the Iron Islands?
Euron: I will never see those shit-stained
rocks again.
But I'm getting old, and I find myself wanting
to sit down as my father and brother did in
their time.
They just chose the wrong chair.
