Now back then, it was some real unethical
shit because I found out while we were together
that he had a girlfriend or whatever.
The girl back then back then a straight guy
giving me attention?
Oh, if there was a time where I really felt
that validation was at the end of a straight
man's penis, you know, I really felt like
if a straight man wanted to have sex with
me, that meant that I was everything and a
bag of chips.
Hey guys, it's Kat and it's it's time for
another episode of True Tea.
I want to thank you guys so much for joining
me for this episode.
I've really been enjoying all of the fun conversations
that we've been having on this channel and
if you guys are here for the very first time,
what we like to do on this channel is learn,
share and growth through education and conversation.
So if you'd like to do that with us, you should
subscribe.
We try to upload videos every single Tuesday
at 6:00 PM Pacific Standard Time and we are
always here to give you the true tea about
whatever the hell is on my mind.
And on my mind this week is a subject that
a lot of people are talking about.
James Charles.
But before we get into that, I wanted to do
a couple of church announcements.
If you guys will be at vidcon.
I will be doing a fan meetup on Saturday.
There are one day Saturday tickets that you
guys can pick up.
I will be putting the link to the tickets
and the description box below if you guys
are interested in that.
Um, I would love to see you guys, there's
going to be a couple of panels that are gonna
be on a couple that I'm moderating.
So I'm really excited for Vid Con, I really
hope you guys show up cause I would love to
see you guys take selfies, do whatever, braid
each other's hair.
Let's just have a good old time.
Right?
So yeah, I guess that does it for church announce-
Oh, and I'm going to be doing, I'm going to
be having exclusive merch at Vidcon, so you
should come for that as well.
Um, yeah.
So anyway, we're going to be having a stressful
conversation on today.
So I do highly suggest that you go to your
kitchen, grab yourself some tea.
I'm going to be drinking some lavender citrus
tea, um, throughout this video.
Okay.
I'm like two, I'm like two tea bags away from
being done.
And even though you c-- ignore my lipstick
stains, you can see that this, this, um, on
the back of this, oh, you probably can't.
Um, it's a consent.
It's a, it's a consent mug.
I just thought that it was fitting for this
conversation.
Okay.
oof, spilling tea all over me already.
So anyway, we're gonna be talking about James
Charles and I really wanted to focus on something
that I think a lot of people are dashing over
and you know, it's going to be a complex conversation
because I have a lot of feelings about this,
you know, to me, James Charles is really the
result of what happens when youtube is monetized.
You know, I w you guys know I started a youtube
channel when I was 15 years old, but youtube
was very, very, very, very, very, very, very
different.
And I really sort of see James Charles as...
Honestly negative result of the monetization
of Youtube.
It's interesting because right now I'm working
on the second part of my rebranding of white
nationalism on social media video.
Um, and I'm talking about monetization and
it's really interesting to think about what
youtube used to be when everyone used to just
make videos because they loved making videos
and what youtube has become because now it's
a platform to sell things and for you to sell
yourself and to gain all this money, it's,
it's really, it's really gross.
I mean, and I think, you know, trying to sell
tickets that are more expensive than the Beyonce
concert, I think that kind of tells you how
much people have, you know, lost touch.
Um, but anyway, um, we're going be having
a conversation about the whole James Charles
pressuring straight men thing.
Now we're gonna...
As we usually do.
We're going to have disclaimers in this video.
So I'm going to start out by saying I'm in
this video, I'm going to be mostly focusing
on the Coachella conversation where James,
you know, had this experience with a guy at
Coachella who ultimately said that he wasn't
attracted to him and he expressed a lot of,
you know, upset over, you know, I guess what
he says is Gage.
I guess there's the name of the guy who came
to Coachella being dishonest with him.
Right.
Um, I've got a lot to say about that, but
when it comes to the other stuff, when it
comes to everything else, you know, it's been
really clearly communicated at this point
that James Charles is an entitled delusional
person who thinks that because he has money,
he can get straight men to sleep with him
and to me, that is disgusting.
You know, one of the things that I've definitely
seen in LA is this strange sort of thing that
people do where they think that because they
have clout in some way, shape or form, they
can pressure somebody into doing something
with them.
And I think that is totally disgusting.
It's funny because one of the things that
I, I've always tried to do since being out
here is really minimize who I am.
Because I don't ever want to be in a situation
where someone is trying to sleep with me for
money or you know, they, and you know, I don't
even want to get close to that sort of thing.
I would like for people to want to be with
me because they like me, not because you know,
I have money and influence and things.
And so I think it's really gross.
And James is in a situation where he believes
that because he's a....
A celebrity that um, you know, people, you
know straight men are gonna change their mind.
I think that's disgusting.
And that's not what we're going to be talking
about in this video.
Right.
What we are going to be talking about, and
this is again, what I think a lot of people
are dashing over is, um, men who ultimately
identify as straight who are in their experimental
phase and how that often makes people who
are DMAB, which means designated male at birth,
who are feminine feel when they arrive at
that conclusion.
Right?
Because when I was first looking at the James
Charles stuff, because y'all know, sometimes
I get a little messy and I watched some Here
For The Tea or some Viewers Voice, like, come
on, like, you know I do it.
I try not to, I've been trying to be good
this year, but here we are.
Um, you know, um, when people were having
the conversation about the Coachella thing,
even though I don't really like James Charles
and I make that very clear.
I understood a bit of like how he felt in
the conclusion of everything, right?
So as some of you guys know, most of you that
I should know by now, I am a transgender woman,
right?
Um, and so obviously Jame's experiences and
my experiences are going to be very different.
Um, but there is crossover I think especially
when it comes to being younger and things
like that.
There's a, there's a little bit of an intersection
there with being somebody who, you know, in
a lot of people's eyes, you know, is a feminine
boy, you know.
Um, I didn't really get into this position
where I was consistently embraced as a woman
until, you know, really, I guess you could
say 10 years ago.
Um, and so a lot of my experiences being young
and being in that age where you are interested
in men and stuff, it's, it's, it's, it's changed
a bit.
You know, it's, it's, it's floating a bit,
a bit more, you know, like today I don't deal
with men- well, let's put it this way.
At this point in my life, I no longer have
met in my life who are figuring themselves
out, figuring out their sexuality, don't know
that they're attracted to transgender women.
You know, I actively avoid those men.
And as you guys know, I'm polyamorous, I have
two partners and I go on way too many dates.
Um, so I have a lot of men in my life who
really, really like spending time with me
and don't really, you know, have to deal the
deal, go through the whole figuring themselves
out thing.
Right.
But when I was younger that was very much
not the case.
And so, you know, I kinda just wanted to share
some stories because I think that honestly
a lot of people minimize the experience that
a lot of men do have where when they're younger.
They might experiment with a guy and then
ultimately consider that it's not for them.
And the interesting thing about, you know,
the sort of space that I'm in, you know, I'm
in the polyamorous community, I'm also in
the sex positive community and these sort
of spaces are, at least the ones that I'm
part of.
It's very much like, it's not the sort of
space for you should hide if you're a man
who, you know, has attractions to men, you
don't have to hide that, you know, it's not
a gay space.
It's not a straight space.
It's a space for everyone often.
And so that means that you have an intersection
of people who are often just very openly expressing
their sexualities in a way that isn't really
limited.
And if they're limiting, you know, it's, if
it's being limited, it's not because of any
external things, it's because of themselves.
Right?
It's completely internal.
Right.
And I think that often men who are bisexual
or Bi curious have a really hard time expressing that.
And I think that we live in a society that
actively shames men for their bi curiosity,
which is why when I watched the video of the
young man who went to Coachella with James,
I was really taken aback when he openly expressed
that he, at one point in time when he was
interacting with James, was still figuring
out his sexuality, where he was open to certain
things and he was curious, right?
Because that's not something that a lot of
men are willing to admit.
Now in my life as a trans woman, I have met
so many men who, you know, expressed to me
that they've had situations where they've
been with men.
A lot of you guys probably know, well you
can watch this video over here- I have a strong
preference for bisexual men.
And so I've met a lot of men.
I've been with a lot of men who have had certain
experiences with, with men and you know, kind
of not really.
Um, it's not, it's not really a gone well
or maybe it did, but they recognize that they
weren't attracted to men.
Like most of the men that I've been involved
with acknowledged that they have attraction
to some degree to men, but don't have romantic
relationships with men because they're really
not attracted to men in that way.
Right.
Um, whole conversation to be had.
But long story short, a lot of men are very
much shamed out of expressing and exploring
their sexualities outside of being, you know,
honestly straight or gay.
I mean, I'm not saying that it's easy for
gay people cause it's definitely not, it's
definitely not easy to express that you're,
you're gay um,but it's definitely, I think
a little bit more complicated when you're
someone who is bisexual because in a lot for
a lot of men, from what they've told me, um,
you're in the situation where gay people think
you're just straight or just gay and straight
people think you're, you're definitely just gay.
You know, there's, there's no doubt about
it.
You know, there's no acceptance of maybe you
being someone who could be interested in both
men and women or whoever.
Right.
Um, and I think that that makes these conversations
really complicated.
Right.
And I guess one of the things that bothers
me, at least to how people reacted to the,
to the Coachella stuff is that they weren't
acknowledging that he was someone who openly
expressed himself as being open to being with
James.
Right.
One of the things that I really wanted to
talk about in this video, is kind of that
weird process that you'd go through, right?
As a person who is DMAB, which means designated
male at birth, and you're a feminine person,
right?
And you're attracted to men, you know, so
like for me today, um, a lot of people who
interact with me, I would say most, I'd say
98%, 99 probably.
I'm trying to be really, you know, I guess
I think it's 100%, but we'll say 98% just
for, just in case it's an anomaly.
Um, most people interact with me are only
attracted to me because they see a woman,
right?
They're interested in a woman.
Right.
And they're not going to approach me because
they sort of see something, you know, manly
about me that they want to experience.
Right.
Um, you know, but that's not always been the
case.
You know, when I was a bit younger, I definitely
had my fair share of people who are trying
to get the best of both worlds when I was
like feminine, you know, but I hadn't transitioned
the way that I had, you know.
Um, and I think that, um, because of that,
I've had a lot of really interesting experiences.
Um, and my mindset about it has changed.
You know, when you're a person who's DMAB
and very feminine, right?
And you're still sort of in the, like you
look like a James Charles, let's just say
that for what that is.
Um, you're going to be in a situation where
the gay men who you try to date or the gay men
- put it this way.
Well girl, let's just not, let's just try
not to be delicate about this.
Let's just say what it is.
You know, most gay men are attracted to men
and when they say men, they mean masculine men.
They don't mean a James Charles, right?
So for James and his situation, he is not
going to really walk into a situation where
he sees a masculine man who is gay, right?
Um, who's also looking for, who's not also
looking for a masculine man who is gay.
So James is in this weird situation where
yeah, he probably does socialize in the gay
community and things like that, but when it
comes to men actually wanting to date him,
even though this community is accepting to
him in one way, it's really not going to be
accepting to him in a romantic context.
And a lot of boys who wear makeup, a lot of
drag queens and you know who don't have, you
know, a, a butch persona outside of their
drag persona.
They experience a lot of that similar thing
where even though they are gay men, even though
they are men, even though they don't identify
as women in any way, shape or form, they just
wear makeup and they just have a little bit
of femininity to them.
They aren't really getting the attention from
the gay men, but who they do, we'll get attention
from who they do get attention from is these
men who are still trying to figure out whether
or not they're bisexual or even maybe men
who have figured out that they're bisexual
or that they're attracted to feminine people.
Because that's another thing that some people
don't often really like to talk about is some
people, it's not a situation of gay or straight
or you know, this or that or man or woman.
It's about, I'm attracted to people who have
these qualities.
You know, some people are just attracted to
feminine people, you know, regardless of whether
that's a CIS person, a trans person, you know,
a DMAB person, a DFAB person, they're attracted
to a certain type of expression, and that's
why they're there.
Right.
Um, and some people don't get that.
And I will say that one of the weird things
about being trans is that you definitely,
I believe, have this sort of scope of the
world that a lot of people don't have.
I'm not saying that to say, oh my gosh, we
just, we just know things in ways you don't.
But like, we low-, we know things in the way
that you don't.
I mean, it's interesting to hear the, the
argument that many people have for, you know,
a solid sexuality because
You know, different types of people are attracted
to people who aren't, you know... cis, I guess,
or aren't, you know, presenting their gender
in a typical way.
You know, it's a bunch of different types
of people and you get approached by different
people who may have agenda with you or may
want to see you in a certain way.
Right.
But, um, maybe that's not how you want to
be seen.
Right.
Um, I'll tell you as a funny story, and this
isn't totally relating to this, but it's kind
of a funny experience that I had, right.
Because it kind of just sort of show, it just
demonstrated to me a very common thing that
I've experienced being a trans person.
And it also sort of goes through my life.
So anyway, so when I was in high school, right.
Um, you know, I was a little bit of a popular
kid, you know, I'll just put it out there.
You know, I was kind of popular.
Um, I didn't know that at the time that I
was popular because I had, because people
were watching my youtube blog where I was
talking shit about everyone.
I didn't know that at the time.
Um, but I was kind of popular in school, but
there were kids that definitely gave me shit,
you know, like I was this kid who had a Mohawk,
you know, my clothes were all like hand painted
and DIY'd out.
I wore my skinny jeans and you couldn't tell
me anything.
Every hallway was a, was a Goddamn, you know,
catwalk.
Like I was every I was, I was that bitch.
Okay.
And you know, honestly there were people who
didn't like me.
I didn't really pay attention to them very
much.
And what are the people who did not like me
was this football player.
And it was so funny because our school was
definitely not the sort of school where the
football players had any sort of clout girl.
I wait, it was a very academic school.
I went to the kind of school where people
had to lie about where they lived to get into
the school.
Like it was kind of one of those sorts of
things where it was a very academic school.
You know, a sort of school where you put your,
your, you put the score on your test, on the wall.
Every class is like this.
And so everyone knows who has an F and everyone
knows her as A+.
I went to that sort of school, right?
That was sort of my experience.
Right?
And so it was weird that this football player
was always picking on me.
Um, but he would, and Id known him for a really
long time.
We were in daycare together and stuff and
he kind of saw me come into my confidence.
And sometimes when people, when people see
you come into your confidence and they're
not there yet, they want a smash it out.
Right?
So, you know, I dealt with what I kind of
described earlier in this video where, you
know, a lot of the men who saw me as attractive,
well Olympic this way, um, I wasn't attracting
any gay men, Okay.
Um, and you know, there was, when I was a
younger, maybe that was a little frustrating
to me because I didn't realize at the time
I didn't really identify as, you know, a trans woman.
I was identifying as non binary and non binary
gender queer.
We didn't call him, I'm non binary back then.
That's a whole... a whole other conversation,
um, I was identify as gender queer.
And so a lot of people who I would try to
date were those, you know, we're in that community.
That's what I kind of thought I could, but
I was dealing with that kind of common thing
of being rejected because I was feminine.
Right.
And so what I would often do, and this was,
you know, the inspired by a lot of other shit
that I've talked about in other videos is
I would go onto the good old Craig's list.
Well, I was a real truck stop hooker, hooker
back in the day.
I really was.
Um, not there's anything wrong with that.
Um, but I would go, I would go on the craigslist
and I would try to find, you know, someone
who was into me, you know, as a feminine person.
I also wanted to be loved.
I also want it to have a touch, attention
and affection and another topic for another,
another video.
But there definitely a time where I kind of
equated sex to romance and thought, Oh, if
I give this guy a real good head that's going
to mean that we're going to fall in love and
Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah.
Um, and what would often happen is I would
meet these men and they would make me feel,
cause I was so, it was so uncommon for me
to find men at that time.
I mean now we know that's not the case, but
back then it was so uncommon for me to find
men who were interested in me that when they
express even a little bit of a attraction
to me, your interest in me, I internalize
that as a really big thing.
Right?
I internalize that as just a really big thing
that can potentially lead to something, you
know, I thought I was going to find my boyfriend
on craigslist, right.
Um, but anyway, posted a craigslist ad and,
um, a guy responded, and this was a guy who,
you know, for the first time in forever, forever
actually lived really, really close to me.
Um, and I think this was like, I was on break
in my freshman year of school, I believe when
this happened.
Right.
And so he lived like a couple of blocks down
and I was, you know, little frisky or whatever.
And he told me, come over to his place and
he'll have the door open and I just come right
in and we'll get down to it.
Right?
And so I walked down the street, you know,
feeling good and get about to get into something
and he send me any photos of him.
Like looking back, this was not smart.
The thing, this was not the right, this was
not the right thing to do.
This was, I shouldn't have done this.
Right.
Um, but girl, you know, I was young and I
hadn't, I hadn't been on my, my mones yet
and I was really wanting something.
Um, and so anyway, um, I go to this house,
I opened the door and I see the football player
who used to pick on me all the time.
Now he changed a little bit.
He had changed a little bit.
Like I said, this was after my freshman year
of college.
He had like gone off to another school and
like was actually playing football and he
was always cute to be honest.
Um, but he was like one of those kids who
was really, really scrawny and not that there's
anything wrong with that, I totally support
everybody in their body or whatever.
But, you know, I like, I like my men a little
thicc , um, and he had become a little thicc
and a little muscular.
And it was in that moment that I knew that
I was a white man's whore because we, because
we ended up, you know, getting naughty and
it was this weird thing because we didn't
talk about it, but it was like used to pick
on me in school, used to pick on me in school,
but now you're sort of wanting me to come
over and do naughty things with you.
And it was weird because the way that we would
do our do was he was clearly not really comfortable yet.
He was still trying to figure out his shit.
He was still trying to figure out who he was
and so he would, we would do some things but
not other things.
Right.
And every time we'd meet up, it was always
a secret.
You know, there are times where he'd come
and pick me up and I would run out to the
car, you know, and no one could see us.
No one can know about it.
And like I knew his sister and I know a lot
of people and I knew that he, he felt that
if anyone knew what we were doing, it would
be bad news for him.
Right.
And so it kind of became this routine.
I'd come home over break and I would see him.
And as you guys know, the way that my transition
sort of went, like I said, I identified as
gender queer, queer before I went away to
college.
Then I went to college and I recognize, oh
no, I'm just a boring binary trans woman.
How unfortunate.
Um, and I transitioned.
And so every, every sort of summer he saw
me, it was one of those like every time you
saw me on to get more and more feminine, more
and more feminine, more and more feminine.
Now back then it was some real unethical shit
because I had found out while we were together
that he had a girlfriend or whatever, the
girl back then back then a straight guy giving me attention.
Ooh.
If there was a time where I really felt that
validation was at the end of a straight man's penis.
You know, I really felt like as a straight
man wanted to have sex with me, that meant
that I was everything and a bag of chips.
I was a real woman because why would, why
would a straight man want to be with me if
I wasn't?
You know, that's the way that I had thought
about it.
That's the way that I internalized it.
Right?
And I had convinced myself that that was the
case.
Right?
And so, you know, for me there was a, there
was a while where I did that and I felt so
validated that this football player from school
that used to pick on me was, you know, now,
you know, blowing my back out and all that
stuff.
But as I got a little older and as time went
on, and frankly as I became more solidified
and solidified in my gender, I kind of started
to recognize things and I had all these experiences,
right?
It was, I had a lot of experiences where I
would meet these men they ID as straight.
Right?
And these men would often want to be with
me in a very discreet, contexted often wants
to be with me in a context where they didn't
take me out, they didn't take me anywhere.
And you know, after so many times have you
gone over to some dude's house, you start
to feel dirty, you start to feel....It's hard
for you to be proud of yourself when you're
being sent messages over and over and over
again that you are this thing to be ashamed
of, that you do not deserve to be seen, that
you do not deserve to be claimed or loved
or acknowledged right?
It hurts, and so I at a certain point sort
of put my foot down and said, you know, I'm
not going to do it anymore.
I mean, he was hot.
It was, it was a really hard decision for
me to make, but he was, you know, I couldn't
do it anymore, you know.
Um, and of course now he's married and he
has kids and things and no one knows, um,
that we ever had that experience.
And a lot of men who ultimately, you know,
go through their life and ID as straight which
side note, I don't think that he was gay or
bi for being with me, but he was curious,
you know, and I honestly, as I became more
feminine, I feel like he became less interested
in me but not a conversation.
Um, a lot of them go through that, go through
their whole life having an experience like
that where they were able to sort of experience
something outside of their regular, you know,
cis, you know, female experience and it was
something that they, they, they, they wanted to do.
And you know, in some cases they changed their
mind and recognize that it wasn't for them.
You know, one of the things that I really
wanted to communicate in this video was that,
you know, cause cause here's what happened.
You know, I believe that Gage and James had
a long conversation that was full of flirtatious messages.
And I believe that James really internalized
that.
I believe that James, like a lot of people
in situations like that was like this guy
is actually interested in me because he expressed
to him that he was figuring it out.
He was bi curious and he said to himself,
you know, when we actually interact in person
and we actually meet up in person, there's
no way that this isn't going to turn into,
you know, something great.
Right?
Um, a lot of times when you're in that position,
you think, you think that you're gonna meet
a guy and he's going to make the exception
for you.
He's going to make the exception for you,
where he, he's going to embrace you in a way
that he's never embraced someone like you
before.
And he's gonna make all these decisions.
He's going to do this and he's going to do
that.
And some of these men will really lead you
to believe that that's what they're gonna
do.
They'll really lead you to believe.
Yeah, I'll totally come out and tell everybody,
and Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah.
But most of the time they're not going to
do it because... and this is what I wish people would understand.
They're figuring themselves out.
And ultimately for most of these men, it's
just about them getting laid.
You know, like when you're in a situation
like James is in, you might think that some
straight guy letting you suck him off is like
validation.
You know, oh, I did this.
Ooh, I have some much better.
Ooh, you know, he, you know, these cis girls
don't know how to do it like that and Dah,
Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah.
Like you might really think that.
Right.
But the truth is he just wanted to get his
dick sucked, and you were very eager to do
it in a way that a lot of cis women wouldn't
be.
You know?
And that's what it is.
And for some men, they don't know that.
They don't want that until they've had it,
you know?
I mean, this is the message I really wanted
to express to my DMAB people who are feminine,
right?
Yes.
There are a lot of people out there because
of, because of how they were raised, the options
they were given, the scope of the wish, they
saw their sexuality are going to be curious
and they're going to want to experiment.
Right.
And the reality is is they're not going to
know.
It's not for them until they're there.
You know, when Gage was sending James All
these messages, you know, flirting and suggesting
that maybe they could do something maybe that
they could, you know, have a little....
A moment.
Um, that was him testing the waters.
That was him, you know, trying to see what
it felt like for him to express himself to
that in that way to another man that was him
trying to have, to, to figure out how it would
feel for him to be affectionate, flirtatious
and suggestive to a man in that way.
Right.
That's what that was.
And I believe very confidently that when he
was in that space, that's how he felt.
He probably genuinely was open to doing something
with James.
Probably even more so because he's a very
feminine man.
Right.
Um, but when he got there, the reality of
it, it hit him too much and he changed his mind.
And I've been there before.
I've been in situations where men have run
out of the room, were men of, you know, just
completely walked away, called me a cab, like
told me to leave because the reality was too much for them.
Right.
And that hurts.
It hurts to put yourself in that situation.
It really does.
But that's not the same thing as being dishonest
with you.
Especially when they have, you know, communicated
to you that they've never done it before.
They're figuring themselves out.
That's not the same as being dishonest.
You know?
And I think that, and I understand why James
would say, Oh yeah, you know, he's, he's being
dishonest, or he lied to me, or he used me
and I get how he, and his egotistical mind
feels that that's what happened.
Right?
But what probably really happened was the
Gage changed his mind.
He changed his mind.
And that's not the same as being lied to.
Right.
I think that we need to be able to be open
and understanding of the ways that people tend to explore their sexualities.
You know, too many people suffer because we
have this idea about sexuality, that it's
static and that for a lot of people it's not
fluid.
You know, I very much know that I'm a straight
woman- let's even subtract, subtract straight
from it.
Cause I know some people are gonna feel some
type of way about me calling myself straight.
Um, even that's who I am.
You know, unfortunately for a lot of people,
um, I'm attracted to men.
I know that.
Right?
That's me though.
That's me though.
For a lot of people across gender lines, they're
still exploring and there's a lot of people
who will be in a situation they never expected
to be and where they find themselves attracted
to someone who they never thought they'd be
attracted to.
You know, sex, sexuality for so many people
is fluid and a lot of people suffer under
this rhetoric of you have to be this way.
I would have to be that way.
There's no in between, right?
There's no mentoring.
A lot of people are erased for not being able
to openly claim that they like this and like
that.
I mean, one of the things I love about my
sex positive community is that it's not a
community where people feel like they have
to hide those things.
You know, if someone who, so if someone's
bisexual, for example, if he's a, if, if a
man is bisexual, right?
And he's presenting and he's, he's, he's preventing
himself from expressing to another man that
he was attracted to him.
That's internal, that's not external.
It's a community where men, if they've had
experiences with men and maybe they had landed
on the, Oh, I'm just straight sort of position.
They can openly talk about that without being
shamed.
And I love being part of a community like
that because you see who people could really
be, if they were allowed to just be themselves.
You see, people could become, if they were
just allowed to just truly claim themselves
without having to justify themselves to other
people.
Right.
And for me, I recognize that, um, most of
the world isn't that way.
And that's why a lot of these conversations
are so hard.
I do not doubt.
In fact, I very strongly believe that James
has been in several situations, several situations
where men who have identified as straight
have expressed curiosity to him.
And I'm sure that because he's someone who
doesn't really want to date a gay man, which
girl, there's a lot to say there.
Um, he's probably internalized this as a thing
he's able to do, you know, he goes to a gay
space and he can't find a lot of the types
of men that he wants to be with, which you
know, like a lot of gay guys, it's, they want
this masculine guy who is straight acting.
You know, we're this, we're not going to do,
we're not doing a video about that cause that's
not my community speak to.
But that's a lot of their experience.
There's a lot of what they want is they want
this straight masculine guy.
You know, there are a lot of ya'll out there
cos playing, butch, and you can find another
men out there who likes to cosplay butch.
Like there's, you can do it.
You can do that.
You can find somebody, you know, I think a
lot of people set themselves up for failure
when they try to go after people who are not
there for them.
And that's one thing that I had to recognize
in my life where I found myself often pursuing
these people who had expressed openness to
me or what we're not willing to give me this
sort of relationship that I was looking for.
Right.
And you have to sort of be a person who puts
your foot down and says, I'm not going to
accept that.
I'm worth more.
You know, my quality of relationships definitely
improved when I stopped allowing myself to
be used by these people.
Because while I definitely think that, you
know, Gage changing his mind and ultimately
deciding that he is not attracted to games,
Charles is not him misleading him or being
dishonest while ultimately feel that way.
I also think that when you put yourself in
a situation where you're pursuing somebody
who clearly doesn't know what they want, you
can't be shocked when they changed their mind
and they use you.
That's, that's often what you're getting.
You're what you're signing up for when you
talk to somebody who doesn't really know if
they like what they like.
You know, like I said, y'all, I'm polyamorous.
I've got two partners and a lot of people
that I'm dating.
Otherwise, you know, not saying that's a brag,
but I'm saying that there was a time in my
life where I felt like I would never find
men who were interested in me the way that
I was interested in them.
And there was also a time in my life where
I felt like this is what I deserve.
I deserve to be on the outliers because I
don't quite fit.
You know?
So who's ever gonna want to be in a serious
relationship with me?
Right.
But when I put my foot down and made the decision
that I was worth more than that and that I
should actually embrace men who actually like
trans women, things got so much better for
me.
And that's another topic for another video.
I mean, I definitely can tell you guys about
how, again, there was a time where I actively
would pursue people who it was their first
time.
They didn't quite know.
Um, and that excited me because I felt like,
oh my gosh, I'm going to be the person who
is the exception, not the rule.
Right.
That was a big ego thing for me.
And of course it's not shocking to me that
James Charles has an ego thing, but you're
not going to put yourself in a good position
when you're continuously trying to go after
people who've already communicated to you
that they don't know if they really want you.
So yeah.
Anyway, that is basically all I have to say.
I would really love to hear if there had been
any people who've been in similar situations.
You know, I, again, I'm a trans woman, James
James is a cis man.
We're going to have different experiences
and I hope that, I'm not trying to sound like
our experiences are the same, but I get the
pursuing a heterosexual man because that's
what is seen as the ideal, the standard.
That's the thing to desire the most out of
everything.
I get that I really, truly, truly do.
I really, I've been there, I've been there,
sis and that's why I don't date straight men
because oh my gosh, are they weighed too much
trouble.
Um, but anyway, I just wanted to chat with
you guys.
I'd love to hear from other people who have
been in similar situations and what do you
guys think about the James Charles thing?
Because girl, I got a lot to say about James
and Tati and there's a lot of conversations
to be had but we're not going to be talking
about that in this video Because oof.
You see how long this video is?
It can get so much longer.
Um, but anyway, I would love to hear from
you guys.
I will talk to you guys next week.
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Bye.
